4 Key Reasons Why INFJs are Perfectionists

All INFJs are perfectionists. Like a persistent shadow, perfectionism makes the INFJ personality feel as if we always have to create an incredible result in everything we do. This isn’t necessarily bad, but combine INFJ perfectionism with our need to make a difference and to resist stagnation, and you’ve got a pretty difficult combination to understand and accept.

My own desire to be perfect

A few years back, not a day went by when I didn’t strive for everything I did to be perfect. This was mostly present in my line of work. Before I became a certified coach and an INFJ writer, I was doing jobs that even extroverts avoided. But my biggest problem as an INFJ was perfectionism.

I would finish my work, go home, and instead of resting and enjoying my time off, I would examine what I did that day. Every email that didn’t get a good response, every report that didn’t match the numbers, I would go through until everything was just right.

The only thing I managed to succeed in doing was to overwhelm myself. When INFJs are “in the zone”, we don’t pay attention to the signals our body is sending us. Our mind can cope, but our body is much smarter. I thought I mustn’t miss anything, but I missed the signs I was nearing exhaustion.

So that you don’t reach that burnout point that I did, I will now share with you four sneaky reasons why INFJs are perfectionists.

4 key reasons why INFJs are perfectionists

1. Fear of failure.

All INFJs have the fear of not succeeding in life, and the very thought scares the sh*t out of us. We believe that we have to make it, and that ambition drives us. However, perfectionism block us. Because of our fear of failure, we want to be flawless, which is impossible.

2. Wondering “What if?”.

In our desire to be perfect in everything, INFJs use the “what if” question as an excuse. We ask ourselves what if we don’t finish this today, or what if this is not good enough, and the list goes on. Instead of being happy with what we accomplished, we would rather push ourselves more.

3. We’re not good enough.

It doesn’t matter how much we do, INFJs will think that it’s not enough. Perfectionism amplifies this feeling tenfold. We are already our own worst critics, and believing that we’re not enough along with our drive for perfection is a combo that guarantees INFJ overwhelm.

4. Our own expectations.

Because we are so misunderstood by everyone, INFJs want to do and be more. Going after a goal or a dream must be such a challenge for an INFJ, that it will make us give everything we got, even if it means losing our own health. Perfectionism convinces us that we need to do more, no matter how much we already did.

You don’t need to be perfect to be accepted. It’s quite the opposite. But because our personality type is all about giving our max to overcome a challenge, it’s not easy for us to overcome this inner drive. But let me tell you a little secret…

You are perfectly imperfect

So you have flaws and feel bad sometimes, who doesn’t? It’s not about being all sparkly and happy all the time. Allow yourself to leave that task for tomorrow, to make a lunch that might taste bland, or to spend the whole day procrastinating. You don’t have to embrace perfectionism as your default mode my INFJ friends.

One of the greatest enemies of the INFJ personality is that silent voice that tells us that we have to go above and beyond. Believe me, I did that in the past. In the jobs that I worked, relationships that I had, friendships that were too much for me. Sure, going that extra mile has its charms, but don’t do that all the time.

There’s no such thing as ideal. You can still be a perfectionist alongside being an INFJ, but please don’t allow yourself to think that you need to be everything to everyone. You are enough, just the way you are. Dedicate yourself to a relationship or a task, but don’t lose yourself in the process by trying to appear perfect in someone else’s eyes.

You owe it to yourself to embrace who you really are. You are perfectly imperfect, and that’s an amazing accomplishment by itself. 🙂

The key is acceptance

What do you think about perfectionism my INFJ friends? Feel free to share your thoughts, I would love to hear from you!

I’m an INFJ, I’d suggest my perfectionism always makes me strive to do better. I do not suffer from fear of failure, I try things and fall short all the time, but I live to learn and improve. Where the perfectionism may be problematic is that inner voice, it is hyper critical and always looking for improvement. A successful dinner, meeting, event can ALWAYS be improved. I’d like that to stop and relax and be more satisfied.

Thank you for this article! Being an INFJ and perfectionist is a double edged sword. We accomplish so much and people tend to seek us out because we get the job done and are overly conscientious. With all of that, we pay a price long term. We give so much that eventually, we feel depleted. We need to recognize when we are feeling this way and take care of ourselves first.

I have learned to see the goal first and my perfectionism as merely a hurdle I can jump over. More often than not, the goal is much too important to let perfectionism be a total roadblock. But I can always use the reminder! Thank you!

I can definitely relate to this! Our drive for perfectionism can lead us to be very successful in whatever we do, but at the same time, it can be our downfall. We have to have a balance of work and fun or we’ll get overwhelmed and burned out altogether! Thanks for the reminder that we are good enough, just as we are 🙂

It is interesting that you mentioned that INFJs always feel like we are never good enough and also how you mentioned in a previous post that you don’t have a good relationship with your parents. Neither do I, by the way.

I wonder if these two are connected and our feelings about never being good enough comes from issues with our parents. It would be a great research project to see how the parent-child relationship for INFJs look as a big picture.

Hi Viktoria
There is a definite connection. If you are keen, check out this book ‘Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents’ by Lindsay Gibson. It answered so many of my questions about this topic.
Happy reading!

Hi Marko and fellow INFJ’s
During a recent discussion about my perfectionistic tendencies someone drew a metaphor of a frantic librarian surrounded by scattered books. Only once she returned each book to its place on the bookshelf is she able to breathe a sigh of relief. Ah… everything is in order. All is well with the world. The problem with that metaphor is the that not every problem is ours to solve. Plus, there is not always an immediate solution for every problem we face. We have to learn to be okay with mess and a little chaos sometimes. A lot of times. Marko you said it well: Be okay with being perfectly imperfect!