The WoodenDong Report (Game #4, vs. Philly)

October 10, 2012 by Still Mill

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The WoodenDong Report (Game #4, vs. Philly)

In the spirit of the famous GilDong Report, we now bring you the WoodenDong Report.

In light of many a fan (and GM Kevin Colbert as well) being bamboozled and ga-ga over LaMarr Woodley’s paper statistics the past 3 seasons, I've devoted considerable time to monitor the work of the exceptionally average LaMarr Woodley.

As longtime Stillers.com readers may recall, Big Jason had been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack™", in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues have incorporated this into their point systems for well over a decade.)

Here in 2012, we'll again take time to expose The Dogger, LaMarr Woodley, for the fraud that he truly is.

In the 4th game of the season, a tight win over Philly, Big LaMarr played about a quarter and did nothing....then bowed out with yet another hamstring injury. He had zero tackles, zero assists, and zero impact at all. The hamstring injury is no surprise. This guy was healthy as a horse when he was in shape, but after he bloated to defensive end proportions in 2009, he is what he is -- stiff, brittle, oafish, lumbering, and injury prone.

Apparently, this is all ya get for $61M. Lesson learned -- ya can’t polish a turd, no matter how much money you might lavish him with. Just ask Jason GilDong, the original Donger himself.

Season to date totals for Big LaMarr, in 4 games:

Earned Sacks: 1

Dong Sacks™: 1

Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 0

Flailing Whiffs: 0

First downs allowed: 2

TDs allowed: 0

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)