Monsoon arrives in India, government claims responsibility

After blaming foreign insurgents, a destabilized euro zone, and the fast devaluing rupee for everything under the sun, the Indian Government has finally stepped up and claimed responsibility for something. As the first drops of monsoon provided some respite to thousands of people along the east coast, the government made an audacious claim of being solely responsible for what was till now being misunderstood as a natural phenomenon. It appears that such enormous work for the public good is being put in while keeping the vote bank in mind, which has shown a steady decline across all strata of society for reasons unfathomable.

NTMN caught up with some of the party members whose unending toil and hard work has supposedly made this possible. On conditions of anonymity and a cup of tea each, the Congress members said that they had been working day and night to get the storm clouds to pay a visit to Indian shores. “We have been praying,” one said. “Non-stop,” added another. “We went around all the places of worship and prayed our hearts out.” Enormous amounts of fruits, flowers and incense are supposed to have been used. Pandits who are experts at negotiating with the Gods had been hired to preside over these sessions. All expenses were borne solely by the state.

She is enjoying the rains, but does this lady know that she should vote for Congress in the next elections?

This was the work of the “Puja Committee” or the “Praying Cell” of the Congress. Numerous other cells had also been set up to tackle the problem on various fronts. While several were engaged in entreating the Gods, others were responsible for a more practical approach. It is heard that navy war-ships had been deployed off the Bay of Bengal to spot approaching storm clouds and divert them towards the Indian coast, in case they tried to make off to Burma or Bangladesh. Contributions of some recently developed cutting edge science-tech were also mentioned in this regard.

The results are evident for all to see. The really important parts of this drive-to-action is being handled by the Congress top brass themselves, while allies are handling other roles proportional to their importance in the UPA.

“This is just the beginning,” one said, smirking happily. “Soon you will see the full extent of our work. There will be so much rain… so much rain that… that…”, he paused to find the appropriate simile, “the plains will be flooded,” he finished. “That isn’t really necessary,” I put in a solemn reminder. “Well you can’t have everything!” he barked, visibly angry. “This is exactly what is wrong with the general populace. You people can never appreciate good work. First you want this, then you want that. I mean there are limits to even what we can do, no?”

“Some of the top guys have super powers, that is why they are rain-makers,” another one confided to me. “Don’t tell them, they don’t know,” he said, pointing to the others. “Oder level nei (they don’t have the ‘level’). I think he was refering to their level of influence with the bigwigs.) “How come do you think one of our top people has eternal youth? That is his power,” he insinuated. Of course, he wouldn’t name any names. The matter stands to reason.

Having shed sufficient rain on the current state of affairs, the party members departed, but not before ordering extra cups of tea. I was left to wonder alone on the genius that is our government, and a 22 rupee bill.

After constantly refusing to take responsibility for any of its numerous gaffes, may be the government has finally come of age with their uncompromising and open stand on the issue of monsoons in India. However you look at it though, thank God the rains are here!

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