Well, the most you could have done was to have bought my books at full price to thank me for the many years I have been entertaining you with this fine blog for free but that’s ok, I love you, 3.5 readers.

But if you could go on over to Amazon and grab my free books, that would be awesome. If you could leave a review, that would be great. If you could share news of my free books on your preferred time wasting social media website, that would be perfect.

First, The Last Driver – Episode 1 just dropped like it’s hot (that’s so 2000’s) on Amazon. Someone bought a copy within the first hour and thank you to that person. The rest of you need to get your priorities straight.

Next up, you can also get BQB’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts, for FREE as well:

Now, 3.5 readers, I don’t know what time it is in your neck of the woods, but this sale is scheduled to start tomorrow. What time that actually kicks in I don’t know. I’m going to assume midnight. Obviously, if you go on over before October 26, you’ll have to pay full price, and if you want to do that, I’d appreciate it, because damn it, keeping the lights on at BQB HQ is no easy task, let me tell you. By the way, do you have any idea how much yetis eat?

But if you are cheap-o skinflint, I totally understand as the Baby Boomers have been selling us all down the river for years and don’t even get me started on the post-2000 economy. I understand. You can’t go around spending your cash on every book offered to you by a magic bookshelf caretaker. Ergo, you can wait until the sale starts on the 26th and get both books for FREE!

BQB here. Episode 1 of The Last Driver is live and available now on Amazon.

Dystopian future of 2050 where the forces of Globalism and Nationalism clash and the last old man who remembers how to put his foot on the gas in a world where self-driving cars are the norm is caught in the middle.

“I’m telling you,” Dylan said. “He said he is. Just give him his five minutes.”

Mack emerged from the house in a pair of jeans, a black T-shirt, and a pair of sunglasses with a duffel bag slung over his arm.

“Dylan,” Abby said as her brother approached. “How did you pull this off?”

“I just know how to talk to people,” Dylan said.

Abby popped the hatch and Mack stowed his duffel in the back, then walked around to the driver’s side.

“Shall we give the girl soldier a shot at the wheel?” Mack asked.

“It’s your funeral,” Abby said as she snuck through the pass-through to the back seat next to Dylan.

A giddy Paige moved over to the driver’s side as Mack took the passenger’s seat.

Once all doors were closed, Mack made some announcements.

“Family,” Mack said. “Be advised I am not attending this trip out of a desire for fun, recreation or quote unquote ‘having a good time.’”

“Whatever you need to say, Mack,” Abby said.

“I am attending as the world is a dangerous place and the idea of allowing people I am related to venture off unescorted is an untenable situation in my estimation,” Mack said.

“You love cartoon wombats,” Abby snickered.

“I’ll ignore that,” Mack said. “People, this is the point of no return. Has everyone gone to the bathroom?”

“Sir, yes sir,” replied Mack’s family.

“Good,” Mack said. “Because a premature stop would cause an unnecessary delay. Does everyone have all required medications and assorted items the failure of which to pack would bring our excursion to a grinding halt?”

“Sir, yes sir,” the family replied.

“Excellent,” Mack said as he opened up his wallet. “Boy soldier!”

“Sir?” Dylan asked.

Mack passed the boy a twenty dollar bill.

“You have been appointed quarter master of this operation, the man in charge of procuring all necessary goods and materials,” Mack said. “At our first stop, you will procure me a Red Bull and a bag of Funions. Use any remaining currency to procure snacks and drinks for yourself and fellow soldiers. Have I made myself clear?”

“Sir, yes sir,” Dylan sad.

“Sister soldier!” Mack said.

“Will you stop with the ‘soldier’ bit?” Abby asked.

“Now is not the time to descend into chaos, Abby,” Mack said. “You have been appointed as navigator. Keep an eye on your cell phone GPS and make sure we’re headed to our destination using the best routes available.”

“It’s got a GPS right there,” Abby said as she pointed to the monitor at the front of the vehicle. “See?”

“Oh,” Mack said. “Then take a much deserved nap as a reward for all your labors and be rested for when your driving shift comes.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Abby said as she leaned back.

“Girl soldier!”

“Sir?” Paige asked.

“In my career, I have received the requisite training to drive tractor trailer trucks, Humvees, tanks and also to pilot helicopters and all manner of aircraft, light and heavy,” Mack said. “You are now under my command and will be expected to follow my instructions to the letter or be relieved of duty. Have I made myself clear?”

“Sir, yes sir,” Paige said.

“Good,” Mack said. “Take us out.”

Paige immediately put the car in reverse and took her foot off the brake.

“Boom!” Mack shouted.

“What?” Paige asked as she braked.

“You’ve failed to put on your seatbelt,” Mack said. “Had there been a collision, your carcass would have flown through the windshield only to flop around like a fish gasping for air on the hood.”

“Do we need to be that graphic, Mack?” Abby asked.

“The more graphic I am today the less likely she’ll experience such a scenario in the future,” Mack said. “Resume driving, girl soldier.”

Paige started to back out again.

“Boom!” Mack shouted.

“What?!” a frazzled Paige asked.

“You’ve failed to adjust your mirrors,” Mack said.

“I did,” Paige snapped.

“Lies,” Mack replied. “Your mother is taller than you are and has her mirrors set to her liking. You are shorter and if you are unable to see out of your mirrors then it is only a matter of time before you careen this vehicle into another transport and set us all ablaze in an inferno that will seal our doom.”

Paige adjusted her mirrors. “Oh. That is better.”

“Proceed,” Mack said.

Paige did and it wasn’t long before Mack shouted another “Boom!”

“OMG!” Paige shouted as she hit the brake. “What now?”

“You failed to check if anyone was coming on the roadway behind you,” Mack said. “You lucked out this time but had there been a transport, you surely would have killed all of us, all of them, or some combination of us and them. Best case scenario in that situation is you end up badly mangled, recover after years of surgeries and physical therapy, then are forced to live out the rest of your days with the horrendous, agonizing guilt that comes with knowing that your screwup got your family and other innocents killed.”

Paige nodded, checked her mirrors, checked her blindspots, then brought the car out into the road.

“Only way to learn is to do it,” Mack replied. “No one taught me how to drive a truck at a hundred miles an hour down a runway as the enemy pilot of an attack helicopter mercilessly deployed a barrage of gunfire and missiles my way. You learn or you die. It’s that simple.”