Got a New Year’s hangover? Chicago has a clinic just for you

Other than being terminally ill or getting dumped or fired, and maybe being forced to work in a quarry since the age of three, there is nothing worse than having a hangover. Hangovers hurt physically, they hurt mentally, and the worst thing is that you did it to yourself, because apparently it is impossible for you to have a good time unless you’re absolutely trashed, you fucking lush.

Needless to say, it would be a miracle if someone would just take your hangovers off your hands, and now, for just $99, a Chicago clinic will actually do just that. That’s right. You can just hand it over to them, as if it were a re-gifted bottle of Cîroc vodka or a copy of Moby-Dick or, well, a hundred dollar bill.

Here’s how it works, and when I say works, I mean “supposedly works” because I have never tried it: Person gets wasted. Person walks into hangover clinic, hands over money and says, “Lord/people who work here, please deliver me from this hell.” Person is then given various drugs. This is not terribly impressive, since I’ve taken drugs for a hangover and it cost, and did, practically nothing.

But here’s the good part: They also hook you up to an IV which re-hydrates you. OK, now we’re talking. That might actually work, since basically what a hangover consists of, medically speaking, is dehydration. Oh, and the fact that you have basically ingested poison.

This is not the first hangover/hydration clinic of its kind. There is a mobile one in Vegas that offers more or less the same treatment. I’m so curious to see whether these work or not, but not quite curious enough to get a hangover on purpose. Certainly not in Vegas.