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We fade to grey

I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know a lot of older people over the years, and it’s true that in our youth we can be a little impatient as they repeat themselves or express views that can seem outdated or intolerant. Fortunately, I was brought up to be respectful and have been prepared to be open-minded, so I’ve learnt a lot about past times that reinforce just how lucky I am to live in the modern world. And as a younger man my mind was stretched enough to allow me to realise that those old folks were just like me once – going to parties, carefree and filled with laughter, active and attractive. But also that many of them still endured a lot of hardships to give us the freedoms we enjoy now. One bloke in particular I know is in his late 90s now and not only fought in Burma in WWII, but spent the largest part of his life with a sexual preference that was illegal. Now he spends most of his time alone as he isn’t mobile enough to go out on his own and he has no immediate family. Unfortunately, I don’t live close enough to pop in and see him every day, and when he’s out of sight he’s out of mind, so it would be easy to ignore him. But I try to see him once a week because he’s worth the effort. And, besides…. That could be me one day.

The beautiful girl on the cover of my next book is my partner’s mother Joan. Affectionately known to all as Jomammy, she was 21 when this photo was taken on Dollymount strand in Dublin in 1946. This week Jomammy turns 90. What a wonderful achievement to have lived so long and to still be, for the most part independent.

Her upcoming birthday made me consider how she has become invisible to so many people in so many situations. Many people ignore her as though she doesn’t exist. Her failing hearing does not help, as it makes it difficult to have a conversation with her sometimes. I say difficult not impossible and it doesn’t excuse people for not making the effort. Sometimes she repeats stories that we have all heard a million times but don’t we all. When she tells me something I have heard fifty times, I ask a different…