A full time achiever. A medical student. Based in Jakarta, Indonesia — — My daily rants, my daily thoughts, and my daily constellations.

Feb 28

If you feel like you’re just an option, read this.

Best way to not get your heart broken, is to pretend you don’t have one.

Let me start by stating this. I am not an option to be loved. Moreover, i am not an option to begin with. The thing about this complicated, what do we call this, thing is, you value me as your second choice. It’s not like you’re my first, but in this entire life i’m livin’, you’re definitely not an option, not for me and not for the others.

Dan, apakah ini adil? Is this equal? The efforts i’m giving, and the efforts you’re giving? I thought we both are trying on keeping scores, but, surely, we aren’t.

The point is, i’m not a fuckin second choice. And let me repeat this statement all over again; I am not a fuckin second choice nor an option. I don’t think i deserve this.

I deserve the sky and the moon. I deserve better things — I deserve happiness.

And if you’re in the midst on choosing me or the other one out there, just stop. Don’t choose. It’s not like i’m an option anyway. I’ll be the one who walks away. And if you consider this as me giving up, i am not. This is me being nice and simply realizing that this thing we’re having aren’t going to work. And i don’t think working on something that won’t work anytime soon and anyway how in the end is worthy enough. Maybe i was the one who gets my hopes up too high.