Friday, 21 January 2011

Brownite Weirdos

With the departure of Alan Johnson, the sole authentic personality remaining in Labour's upper echelons, the shadow cabinet has become a caricature of a Students' Union exec, filled with weirdos and sociopaths none of whom has ever held a proper job for a single day in their lives. There's Ed, in his dad's old tweed coat with a 'Red Fist' tee beneath, who takes his laundry back to mum at the end of term; Ballsy, with the odd eyes, in French worker's ripped leather jacket with a copy of 'Socialist Worker' stuck in his back pocket; Yvette in dungarees and purple woollen tights who believes against all the evidence that using only rainwater to wash her hair makes it shiny, and Hattie, banned from the Union bar since she let off her rape alarm and sprayed the bar manager with Mace for allegedly short-changing her.

We should therefore expect a manifesto based on Troops Out Of Ireland Afghanistan Malvinas, Women-only train carriages, the Abolition of Capitalism, and all bars forced to give a free packet of crisps with every three pints.

It's a sad reflection on the state of the Labour Party that when thier shadow chancellor - a bit of a frade A fuckwit who can't add up and doesn't know the current rate of National Insurance - is forced to quit, that the best, perhaps only replacement option is Ed Balls.

Is there anyone in the PLP with any talent at all? Surely things haven't descended so far that Balls is the answer?