I, Anonymous

UFOs (Unopened Flying Objects)

To the three people who yelled, "Hey, catch!" and threw an unopened penis pump our way: My buddy and I thought it was hilarious. We were right next to Sheridans, so it's possible you may have come straight from Taboo? Either way, it was truly a nice gesture, dear fellows. The following night, when my girlfriend came over I told her the story. She asked whether or not I kept it, and if so where it was. I had stashed it under the bed, and so we tried it out. She used it on me and I don't quite know what the fuck those things are supposed to be used for, but we ended up having the best sex we've had in a long time. So, thanks guys and gal! Keep throwing random shit at people!—Anonymous