Saturday, February 14, 2015

Bubbles Burst

Sometimes the Universe has its way of blessing you in the most sweetest way possible, when you least expect it, making your soul as happy as it could possibly be.... even if it lasts for just a moment.Eric and I were shocked to find out that after 4 years of infertility, we were pregnant! There are no words to describe our shock, I'm sure I could look it up in a thesaurus, but even then, it would not fully describe our shock to find out that we were pregnant! Eric & I had a very tender weekend soaking up what we were staring at, with tears, giggles, and kissing mixed into our absolute shock- It was some of the sweetest moments of my entire life. To say that we were happy would be an understatement. The news put us in a blissful baby bubble that we hoped beyond hope would not burst.

Positive pregnancy test #5!

But our reality is that blissful baby bubbles burst, and ours did. A doctor's appointment revealed that we had caught a very early miscarriage and there was nothing that could be done. With a heavy heart Eric and I chose to treasure the pregnancy until there was nothing left to treasure. We put our faith into God's plan, and tried so very hard not to question Him. Today, my body let go. This is our 5th loss. I have had losses on almost the entire pregnancy gamut, and I want you to know that not one has ever been "easier" than another. I have experienced loss from very early, to very late. I have seen my babies on ultrasound, heard their heartbeats, and held my dead son in my arms... and then placed him in a casket. I am not telling you this so that you feel sorry for me, I am telling you this to evoke compassion for the pregnancy loss community. I am asking for compassion on behalf of the hundreds of mother's that are going through what I am at this exact moment, who feel an indescribable pain that will last a lifetime, but will no doubt come across a person/people who will make her feel like her baby did not exist. She, needs compassion. She, needs support. She, needs validation.I had debated on whether I wanted to blog about this, especially so soon. While my blog is mostly about our travel adventures, and I'm sure boring to most, what it isn't, is fluff. I have never lied to you, I don't make my life out to be anything that it isn't, and as heartbreaking as it is, pregnancy loss is a large portion of our life. I wish that it wasn't. I wish that I could fill this blog with only happy posts, but then, it wouldn't really be a blog about our life.... not an honest one, anyway.We decided that this pregnancy was as special to us as our others and deserved for us to acknowledge it and grieve it. There is no shame, and I'm not going to hide it. Someone is going through what I am, and if that's you I want you to know that you are not alone. I am sad too. I'll be sad with you. I want you to know that when there feels like there is no hope, there is... somewhere... and we'll look for it together.

The joy that Eric & I are trying to focus on (though I have to admit to you that we are having a very difficult time finding the joy right now) is that my body got pregnant again after 4 years of unexplained infertility! And the joy is that Eric and I were given a little life, however briefly we knew each other... And it was precious.

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Melissa

I am the writer of this blog! This is where my random thoughts and outbursts have made it onto the internet! I am an Army wife, a mama, and a Registered Dental Hygienist (RDH). I graduated from the University of South Dakota with a Bachelor of Science degree in Dental Hygiene, an Associate of Science degree in Dental Hygiene, and a minor in Communication Disorders. I am a certified Bereavement Doula with Stillbirthday, and a navigator through pregnancy loss with my stillborn son and 5 angel babies guiding my way. I like simple, can't stand clutter, and commas confuse me so I tend to use too many. You'll find a little of everything on here but mostly our travel adventures and lots of pregnancy & infant loss awareness. God gave me this story, I'm just trying to write it....

Eric

Eric is my husband and my hero! He has a Bachelors degree in Natural Science Education and a Masters degree in Leadership. He is a kind and gentle man, our rock who absorbs my neurotic energy and gives soothing energy in return, and just so happens to be the world's best homework-helper. Eric felt God's calling to serve the military full-time, so after 16 years enlisted in the Nebraska National Guard he was commissioned into the Army.

Isabelle

Isabelle is a sophomore in high school! She is an independent kiddo with a tender heart for animals, plays the guitar, and is involved in almost every club you can imagine at her school. She is compassionate beyond measure and volunteers weekly at a local homeless shelter. Eric and I are hoping to inspire a little adventure into her spirit so that when she's an adult she can take on the world with a joyful and confident heart, and so far, we think we've managed to do that part right, because this kid is going places! Isabelle is a joyful follower of Christ, my only child, and a true miracle.

Journey

Journey is a European Golden Retriever who was born in France (we imagine his inner voice to be an old man who smokes cigars with a French accent and wears a beret). Journey knows three languages: French, German, & English... he is a genius and we adore him! Even though he is a Mama's boy, Daddy is his bestest friend in the entire world. He loves peanut butter, popcorn, & rolling in mud puddles, but hates bath time! His favorite place to lay is right in the middle of the kitchen when we are cooking or at Daddy's feet, wherever his feet might be. God put the sweetest soul into this guy!

Carley

This is Carley. You rarely hear about her because she is strictly Isabelle's cat and hates almost everyone, except Isabelle. Carley is a fierce sock huntress- no sock is safe when she is around! Her greatest wish in life is for one of us to leave the screen door open just long enough for her to get out into the backyard where she can use her sock hunting skills on the leaves that taunt her- so far, no such luck. She continues to wait.

SalutesandSmiles

All photographs appearing on this blog are the property of Melissa Schnell/SalutesandSmiles Photography and are protected by U.S Copyright Laws. They are not to be downloaded or reproduced in any manner without written permission of Melissa Schnell. All rights reserved.