In restaurants, respect should be reciprocal

Monday

Jul 14, 2014 at 2:00 AM

A letter channeling the gripes of restaurant servers and giving some etiquette rules for patrons appeared in the July 3 edition of the Portsmouth Herald. Rule No. 2 says, "...when your server comes to you to ask how you are doing, stop everything and acknowledge them." Apparently, servers do not like to be ignored.

July 12 — To the Editor:

A letter channeling the gripes of restaurant servers and giving some etiquette rules for patrons appeared in the July 3 edition of the Portsmouth Herald. Rule No. 2 says, "...when your server comes to you to ask how you are doing, stop everything and acknowledge them." Apparently, servers do not like to be ignored.

The problem in this situation is usually not the rude patron but the inappropriate (and, honestly, bordering on rude) question. If you are having a meal, you do not want to be asked for your opinion ("how is the food so far?") or general condition ("how are you doing?" or "how is everything?"). You do not want a yes/no question ("Is everything all right?"), which is what you might ask someone who has taken a bad fall or is acting strangely. Servers apparently think that they are offering service when what comes across is fishing for compliments, false chumminess, or a perfunctory pass. It is even worse when it is the manager, who you know is not going to do anything for you. If you think these are polite questions, imagine your mother asking something like that when she has guests for dinner.

Memo to all servers: If you want to know what your customer needs or wants, that is the question you should ask: "Is there anything I can do for you?" "How can I help you?" "What can I get for you?" If you have to make reference to the quality of the meal, say, "I hope you are enjoying your meal; is there anything I can do to make it more enjoyable?" I guarantee you will not be ignored, will have a happier customer, and maybe even get a better tip.

While we are on questions not to ask, "Are you still working on that?" Food should be a pleasure, not work.

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