- - A little help
(http://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/425488-little-help.html)

Aten-Re

09-04-2006 09:40 AM

A little help

Right this is a real dozy.
I have known this women since March, and would see her once of twice a month. At the end of April, she told me that she was interested in me but I had a girlfriend. She would prod me on if I was in love with my girlfriend and to be honest I wasn’t, and I could feel myself falling for this girl. So I did something about it. At the back end of June I broke up with my girlfriend and asked this girl out.

The response I got was “lets see what happens” as she was having a few personal issues, so I though fine, I went round to hers once before she went on holiday for a week, but when she came back her world fell apart. She found out she had a tumour, her cousin with 5 kids became very ill with cancer and died, and her mum and dad went through a break up (all in the space of 2 months). During this time I tried really hard to see her, but the more I tried the more she withdrew, until admittedly I lost my cool and wanted some answers. She said she had a lot on and wanted to be friends instead (ah the dreaded words of doom). The more she went through the more I wanted to see her, I felt devastated for losing my cool at a time when she had enough on her plate.

This was about 4 weeks ago, she still has stuff going on, but just isn’t the same around me. I know this will have effected her, but I cant feel like I can support her anymore as I cant just be her friend.

She has had two abusive relationships in the past and I know trust with her is hard, but I thought I had bridged that gap. I really don’t want to get stuck in the friend zone. My friends have all advised me to keep my distance for a while and let her have some time, I think this is cruel but its all I have left.

Any advice during this time will be of help.

gamecock360

09-05-2006 07:26 PM

Re: A little help

I have been called "just a friend" too many times to count. It's not cool...
i would give her space but let her know you are there if she ever needs to talk. I think it would be ok if you checked on her occasionally but not too often.
All of that is a lot for a girl to handle.

minijumbofly

09-06-2006 07:17 AM

Re: A little help

Kicking your friendship up a notch is a commitment and with any commitment comes pressure. Being through what she did, now is NOT a good time to put more pressure on her. And why can't you support her more unless she makes you her BF? :confused:

Work it this way instead. Just let her know that you will be there for what she needs, even if it is her privacy. Call or text message once or twice a week to check in from time to time. Get her through this dark hours FIRST, [U]then [/U]may be she'll be ready to spend more time with you to work towards being more than "friends"