Saturday, August 26, 2006

I smell you

Stop watching me. I’m warning you.

All of you. You know who you are, oh yes, you do. You think you’re so clever, writing with such disparate voices, but I’m on to you.

Under the name of “Binty” you post an essay on your weblog referring to George Orwell, on the very same day that I make some Orwell-themed remarks. Today, I post comments on your various blogs – “Kim Ayres”, “Doctor Maroon” and others – and you respond within minutes.

But don’t you gloat too soon, Mr/Mrs/Ms Smarty-Pants. I’m on to you.

I started with the light bulbs. Took them all out and put putty in the sockets. Took all the curtains down after that and stuck corrugated iron up which I found in the rubbish tip on the other side of the field. Then I got rid of all the screens in the house apart from my PC monitor. Threw the TVs into the skip in the back alley.

The colour orange has something to do with all of this that you’re planning, as does that Dave Brubeck tune that goes on forever. I’ll figure it out, don’t you worry.

I wasn't on duty today, so I didn't actually watch you. My sources indicated you weren't going to visit until tomorrow anyway, so I needn't spend any extra time at it.I'll monitor your activities when it suits the purposes of the state.

Love your blog, Mr. Footeater (that sounds so formal). Congratulations on your marriage. I have been married happily for 15 years, and one unhappy year (not talking about that One). We have our two children, two dogs, two cats, and a hamster. Reliable cars, a house in the country. Jobs. Following the guidelines set up for us by the previous generations. It sounds so boring. Oh wait, it is. I kind of like that now. May you have many happy years together too.