Post navigation

You Just Need To Get Into Winter Sports…

The thermometer says 25 degrees. 25 degrees Celsius is 77 degrees Fahrenheit. For the next three months I’m reading the thermometer in Celsius.

I just read an article about some guys in Northern Michigan who fight the winter blues by surfing…in Lake Michigan…did I mentionin the winter. They told the reporter that you only get decent waves in the winter.

DUDE, YOU AIN’T IN HAWAII!

They also said that sometimes your eyelashes freeze off. The water temperature is 45 degrees in the lake and it’s 18 degrees on the shore.

In the entire land mass surrounding Lake Michigan 3 guys think it’s a good idea to go surfing. I think they completely redefine the term Yooper (A person who lives in the Upper Peninsula).

I realize that I can’t spend the whole winter watching the river freeze up. Although it is a daily occurrence (We’ve talked about the Rise and Fall of the North River before). As the tide comes in, it breaks up the ice and then when it goes out, the river refreezes. Fascinating.

So I asked some of the locals what to do during the winter. The stock answer is, “Ya gotta get into winter sports”. When I pressed further asking about what winter sports they personally engage in they usually said, “Oh me? I just stay in and watch golf and drink beer”. Great…I can’t stand watching golf on TV and I can’t find the beer I like. (see a past blog Special Report )

I have discovered that I can continue to wear Hawaiian shirts by wearing a thermal t-shirt underneath. The wonders of layering.

In the quest for an appropriate winter sport we spent the afternoon shopping, the other winter sport. December 14, dangerously close to the 10-days-before panic shopping. We were drawn into this whirlwind of consumerism as soon as my wife pulled the grand prize of 30% off on her Kohl’s coupon. I knew it is close to panic time because the racks of crap no man wants are prominently displayed. These racks are trotted out at Christmas and Father’s Day for women who are convinced we don’t even know it’s Christmas or Father’s Day. (Of course we do, Christmas – cold, Father’s Day – Hot)

I decided to review the offering this year on the “Oh well, maybe Uncle Frank will like this” rack.

I noticed everything came in multiples. A three pack of Rubik cubes…as if one Rubik cube wasn’t fun enough. A nine in one hammer/screwdriver. I can guarantee that neither tool will do the elementary task it was intended for. Flashlights of all shapes, sizes and colors because God knows we can’t have enough flashlights. A book called “Cooking With Coke”, I’m assuming that was left over from the 80’s. A beer mug with a bicycle bell attached so you could ring it and the little woman would bring you a beer, probably left over from the 50’s. And, my favorite, a fabric wallet with a bottle opener/multi-tool. If you’re using a bottle opener you don’t need a multi-tool.

After all that we bought Bingo a new bed.

Oh, that winter sports thing? I tried snow boarding…once. Here is the result.

I think we all agree this should be left to those who don’t mind hurting themselves while learning how to do this.

So I leave it to you, dear readers, what winter wrecreation (as Elmer Fudd would say) should I try? The comments box is below. I promise I’ll provide video documentation.