BAGHDAD, Iraq -- After careful deliberation today, former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussien was found guilty of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. When the jury presented their verdict, Hussien admitted to the murders.

Through a translator, Hussien had some disturbing words for the court. "It was fun killing her, ripping her throat out, taking a dump in her mouth, screwing her all the way, chopping her up and feeding her to Ronald, watching him eat her and my shitand liking it, and then shooting him. Some shi'ites were there, also, so i killed as many as I could. It was bloody and it was quite entertaining."

After the jury finished throwing up, Hussien let loose a bloodcurdling scream, knocked out five of his lawyers and all 30 of his guards, and made a break for it. Unfortunately for him, he had said '"Bloody Mary" into a mirror three times beforehand, and when he looked in his mirror he found out that she had taken out his penis. He hung himself five seconds later.