USA: We will put a man on the moon before the end of the decade

As well as being expensive, traditional space suits are ugly and unflattering to women

Houston, Texas - NASA has announced it will put a man on the moon by the end of this decade.

The rocket ship, aptly named A Pillow 13, will be launched on July 14 2009 and will attempt to arrive on 20 July 2009, the forty year anniversary of the 'moon landing' in the Nevada desert. Three celebrities will man the flight instead of astronauts.

"Celebrities are in these days" said Mr Armstrong, a rocket scientist from NASA. "Back in the sixties astronauts were all the rage for manning space ships, then in the 1980s it was ordinary civilians - that was a huge flop as we all know - so now we're turning to celebs. All the big cosmetic companies are doing it - so why not NASA?"

So who are the lucky stars being launched into the stars? Our secret sources reveal that NASA has chosen it's top six flight attendants. These are: Katie Price, Princess Mary of Denmark, Denzel Washington, Vin Diesel, Danni Minogue and DJ Talent (Britain's Got Talent).

For the final three, NASA will hold a telethon so that the public can call in and vote for their favourite celeb to be part of the space flight. Due to lack of government funding, NASA hopes the telethon will raise enough money to pay for the celebrities wages and the cost of the moon flight. "We may have to give up some non essential items - those space suits for example. They're bloody expensive for one thing and secondly they are extremely unflattering on the women. We're trying to attract a big male crowd, we want something feminine and even a bit revealing."

Further details will be released next week.

That's one small step for man - yeah whatever…..

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