Here are your quick and dirty, editorial-free WWE Raw results for June 16, 2014. The show was headlined by a John Cena vs. Kane stretcher match, but also projectile vomiting jokes and the debut of STARDUST.

Be back tomorrow for the Best and Worst of WWE Raw column.

WWE Raw results:

1. Seth Rollins defeated Dolph Ziggler. Rollins won by disqualification when Dean Ambrose appeared out of nowhere and jumped him. Rollins fled, and Triple H appeared on the TitanTron to put Ambrose into a match.

2. Bad News Barrett defeated Dean Ambrose. Rollins reappeared during this, and Ambrose was so busy attacking him on the outside that he was counted out.

3. Sheamus defeated Bray Wyatt. Sheamus won by DQ when he was attacked by the Wyatt Family. After the match, The Usos made the save for Sheamus.

– Roman Reigns drugged Stephanie McMahon’s coffee, causing her to projectile vomit all over Vickie Guerrero. This got him into a battle royal for a chance to be in the championship ladder match at Money in the Bank. Quick and dirty results, guys.

4. Rusev defeated Heath Slater. Same Rusev match.

5. Adam Rose and Summer Rae defeated Fandango and Layla. Kevin Hart was on color commentary. Rose pinned Fandango following a Party Foul. After the match, Hart danced and crowdsurfed with the Rosebuds.

6. Roman Reigns won a battle royal to enter the championship ladder match at Money in the Bank. Reigns eliminated Rusev to win the match. Damien Sandow was wearing a LeBron James jersey and was eliminated first.

7. Paige defeated Cameron. Paige won the match by submission with the PTO.

8. Goldust and Stardust defeated Rybaxel. Goldust’s tag team partner was STARDUST, aka Cody Rhodes in Goldust-esque star makeup. They quickly won the match when Cody pinned Axel with Diamond Dust. That’s a flipping stunner out of the corner, for those who don’t know.

9. Stretcher Match: John Cena defeated Kane. Cena won by hitting an Attitude Adjustment on Kane onto the stretcher and pushing him across a finish line. By winning this match, Cena gets a spot in the Money in the Bank ladder match.

So in this episode Reigns blocked everything about Rollins betrayal and his hatred for him and move on to get himself involved in an angle featuring puke, meanwhile Ambrose is the only one who can’t get over the betrayal of his once friend and wants revenge for that dick move? And people says Ambrose is the unbalanced one.

And this is why I’ve stopped watching WWE, you Americans deserve this due to what you did against the Ghanians and the Panamanians, the Midsummer Massacres, The Samoan Cena, The Irish Cena and The Original Cena in MITB. Y’all deserve this, you waste of spaces. (If you’re not American, Ciao, you’re awesome, unless you’re Nigerian or Iranian if so stop being so boring.)

Because the entirety of her “heel turn” was acting a bit chicken-shit in the ring and a whole bunch of Michael Cole explaining stuff they never actually showed on the air about Cameron being a bitch to Paige back-stage. TV is a visual medium for god’s sake. Show, don’t tell and we might (just might) actually give a fuck.

Right. Cole kept talking about what happened backstage off camera and at press conferences. Then they also apparently tried to tease that the Funkadactyls would break up by saying “Naomi doesn’t seem too comfortable with Cameron’s actions at ringside”…but the camera NEVER SHOWED NAOMI.

So many missed spots in the Battle Royal. They had a bunch of guys and a place to build one-on-one storylines forward. Swagger and Rusev not even interacted with each other. Rusev and Big E had like a half minute brawl before Bo throw Big E out. Then a long Rusev-Reigns segment, which won’t continue anyway. No other rivalries were set up. Seroiusly, that’s it and Vince obviously saw Raw?

Did ANYONE have a shadow of a doubt, that the last two guys in the Battle Royal were going to be Rusev and Reigns?

It was just natural for WWE to play that card, and I’m giving good odds that it sets up a feud in the not too distant future, since Roman got in more offense on Rusev, than the sum total of all of his (Rusev) matches since being called up.