Should I Call the Cops on Yanis Marshall?

Back in high school, I discovered the world of dance thanks in part to me attending a performing arts school. By my senior year, I finally felt comfortable with taking to the stage and showcasing whatever talent I thought I had. After graduating, though, I essentially left the world of dance behind. I knew it wasn’t my true passion. I also knew that I wasn’t built out for the type of scrutinization and rejection professional performers are subjected to.

It’s been over a decade since I had stepped foot on a dancefloor. Even still, various fitness instructors would all ask me if I used to dance because they “could tell.” Then, I got brave one week and took an actual dance class but almost ran from the room in tears when the instructor came over to me and quietly said: “It’s okay if you’ve never taken a class before…”

Despite the fact that she was clearly blind to the way that I marveled those from 2004, I’ve decided to continue taking the random dance class. The main reason is no longer because I simply love movement. It’s because I want to run into the scintillating Yanis Marshall. He’s French (automatic +10 bonus points), has legs that would drive a man to kill for him and oozes a special sensuality when he takes the floor.

Imagine my delight when I saw that he recently updated his YouTube channel with a routine set to Kim Carnes’s iconic “Bette David Eyes”! That song, oh, that song. If I’m ever feeling especially confident, sexy or just had a really good interaction with someone, I’ll listen to this song.

As per usual, Yanis does the most and I’m so here for it that I’ve been watching this video on-and-off for days now. First of all, let’s chat about that split. It was so unexpectedly subtle and yet powerful. I got chills in places it would be inappropriate to mention. It’s downright criminal what he does to me.

In addition to his flawlessness, he also put two of my favorite faces, Noelle Marsh and Stevie Doré, in a group combo. Noelle, being a bonafide woman, andStevie, having the forever-popular Lolita vibe, are almost too much to watch at the same time. This routine had me trying to figure out if I should report them for all of the assaults my eyes witnessed.

The cherry on the top, though, is Noelle’s solo. Alone. Without anyone else. By her goddamn self.

Dead, dead, dead. It’s no secret that there are some mind-blowing technical dancers. Tons of them out there. What we don’t have tons of are dancers that have the true X factor. No, I’m not talking about So You Think You Can Dance. Those are TV “personalities.” I’m talking about the person that walks into a room and simply commands attention, does their job and leaves you breathless. Noelle does that.

Ugh. Let me keep stretching so I can try out that split the next time I’m invited into a dance circle while at a bar.