Here’s the letter I sent to the principal at my daughter Gracie’s school, Avon High, after she was subjected to an assembly led by a gay activist under the guise of anti-bullying. Please be aware that the principal called me personally and was very apologetic. For different reasons than mine, she also felt blind-sided by the true nature of this event and felt bad that she brought students to it. Quite honestly, I was blown away by the principal’s humility and concern. Though I regret this incident, I’m very thankful for her response. My letter:

Dear [principal],

I appreciate your dedication to serve our children, to make our school a safe environment, and to make our children better students. We are very thankful for you. It is with a sad heart that I write the rest of this letter.

My freshman daughter Grace attended a seminar today with Jamie Nabozny, and we were shocked to hear that she had to endure two hours of shameless gay activism on display. The advertisement that we received for the event said that it was an anti-bullying seminar, not a seminar about tolerance for the homosexual lifestyle. My wife and I are both appalled and outraged that ACS would subject our child to an assembly of this kind without informing us of its true nature. We are all for reinforcing the values of compassion and kindness, and we had hoped that this seminar would champion these virtues. As Christ followers, we believe in honor and respect, and therefore, encouraged Gracie to attend and support the event. However, after hearing Grace’s report, we feel tricked and victimized by the “bait and switch” nature of this event. It was a direct assault on the values that we have raised our daughter to embrace.

As Christ followers, we would never expect the school system to proselytize atheists for our religion, and yet, today hundreds of students were evangelized with a liberal worldview. Worse, Mr. Nabozny misrepresented true Christians by telling the students that it was a Christian boy whose belief system empowered him to be violent toward gays. If that’s true, this boy was a hypocrite and did not follow in his Savior’s footsteps who loved even his enemies, yet Mr. Nabozny presented this young man as an accurate representation of Bible-believing Christians. Further, he presented himself as a more authentic follower of Jesus, suggesting that acceptance of homosexuality, though clearly forbidden in the Bible, is more Christlike and truly loving. He did not leave room for the possibility that one might disagree with his worldview and still treat him with civility, but led his audience to believe that believing homosexuality is wrong is to be a bully; on par with bigotry and racism.

All this begs the question: Why is it OK to discriminate against Bible-believing Christians? If a Buddhist boy hurt Mr. Nabozny, would he say, “A Buddhist boy beat me up” and blame Buddhism? Or if his predator was black, would he dare say, “A black boy beat me up”? Surely he would be heavily chastised for such comments, and yet, to claim it was a Christian, though this boy did not represent true Christianity, is acceptable? Is there no room in a tolerant society to accept that some may not accept the liberal worldview? Though the intent of this letter is not to argue my morality, I must remind you that the majority of our country still believes that homosexuality is morally wrong and that the pro-gay movement is a direct assault on traditional family values.

Among our many concerns, we believe that after today Gracie’s Christian faith may now be seen in a negative light by her peers, though she’s been nothing but kind and compassionate to everyone. She’s known for her love for others and we’ve been overwhelmed by the encouraging comments peers and teachers have made about her character. You may benefit from knowing that we’re personal friends with Darrell Scott, the architect of “Rachel’s Challenge” [a program that Avon Central School uses], and our daughters see Rachel Scott, who died in the Columbine shootings, as a role model. Darrell has actually invited us to Colorado to spend time with him and visit Rachel’s grave.

Overall, Gracie’s experience at ACS has been a good one, and we don’t want to assume that you or the entire school system condones what happened today. Even so, attending this event was planned by the school, and we feel obligated to share our concerns. We also believe we would benefit from a personal meeting with you to discuss this.

Thank you for your time and thanks again for serving the youth in our community.

Really well written, bro. Glad you got a good response, or at least a civil one from the principal. Since I personally know you and the family, the bigger thing for me is that you & Heidi have raised a family where discussing this sort of thing is normal and encouraged. Most of us are aware of how the homosexual agenda is pushed, so no surprise there. The better part of the story for me is that Grace could come home, talk to mom & dad, and voice her beliefs is a testimony to the kind of home you have cultivated. Thanks for being a great witness of a Christ-centered family.

Thanks, Mike! Gracie’s final text to me said, “…it was freaking annoying. The world is so lost.” I was very thankful to see the conviction and clarity she had through this whole thing. Sometimes these things can make you stronger.

A marvelously calm and peaceful expression of concern. Were I in your shoes, ah, I don’t think I would have been nearly as kind. Congratulations on your demonstration of your faith, even when under fire.

I cannot believe that this sort of hate still exists in the century we live in. I can understand fully how you would want to be informed on what your child is exposed to, but to say gay rights is an assault on your lifestyle is so wrong. You can choose what lifestyle you wish to live, but please do not force your values onto others, which is exactly what you are doing on your internet soapbox. I have never been so ashamed to say I grew up in a community. I have nothing but love for Avon, but when a person of that community condemns an entire group of people, I am embarrassed. I do not in any way try to say your beliefs are wrong, because they are the same as mine. But condemning people you do not know gives Christianity a bad name. And we already have a muddied image as it is.

Lauren, I was struck at how in your second sentence you indicate that Derek is “so wrong,” but later say that you “do not in any way try to say your beliefs are wrong.” Which is it? Is it wrong for him to force his values onto others on his internet soapbox or is it wrong for you to do so? I know I have a muddied image of what you mean by condemning people you do not know.

Lauren, I’m surprised by your anger and harsh words, especially from someone claiming to be a Christian. Projecting words like “hate,” “force,” and “condemn” on me and those who believe like I do is both unfair and narrow. How did you conclude that I condemned an entire group of people? If anything, that is exactly what Mr. Nabozny did. My intent was to expose him doing exactly what you’re saying that I’m doing. There’s a difference between condemning someone and disagreeing with them. None of us hate anyone, but after reading your comments, I’m not sure I could say the same about you. You’ve demonstrated the very liberal hate that is making it so difficult for Bible-believing Christians to interact with society today. My wife and I have homosexual friends. We disagree cordially with them, but they know we love them. This conversation is not about rights, but about a man that chose to use his influence to force his liberal worldview on an entire body of students who came to his assembly for a different reason. That is both unethical and dishonest.

Now I’d like to ask you a question. You used the word “wrong” twice in your comments. On what basis do you declare something “right” and “wrong”? As a Christian, do you believe the Bible?

Well said Derek! Anyone who knows ou knows your heart and you love all people…after all you of all people teach and promote God’s grace! Why is it so hard for people to understand you can love people while not loving sin! If the seminar was advertised as a pro gay seminar this letter would have never even happened! The bait and switch actions of this event are why this letter was written and was done so with love and appreciation for the principal with all other events they approved (great job) (people nned to just chill and cut you a break for being a good parent). I am sure the school district didn’t know and are left with the shock of the events as well! It is an interesting thing when people feel discriminated against they in turn discriminate Christians or other races! The world is full of worldly challenges and Grace is an amazing young woman and you must be so proud of her! Sorry she had to endure that but with God be for her who could be against her! Praying that the young man softens his heart and begins to understand his actions that day were intrussive and he in turn was bullying himself! Imagine if any other belief system including if not especially Christians said they were going to hold a anti bullying seminar and turned it into a platform for preaching the gospel…the uproar would be enormous! People should have the right to know EXACTLY what they are participating in and not be tricked into being where they are made to feel uncomfortable! Even in college classes (at least all the ones I was in) (as I was a photographer) had things that could be uncomfortable for some and cross the line regarding the Christian faith and we were given the opportunity to leave the room and not be forced to partcipate with no penality to our education! This was at MCC and I realize now more than ever how amazing that was! Praying for you guys and for your church as you raise up His Kingdom army in the youth today! You are blessed to have such a task! Nice job to you and Heidi!

I appreciate that you wrote this letter with respect and kindness. I also appreciate that your daughter takes the time to support such a wonderful cause as “Rachel’s Challenge.” I also am terribly sorry that a speaker upset your daughter and portrayed Christianity in a negative light, and I wish her and all your family well.

I do want to draw some attention to some of the points you are making though: First of all, the Bible does not clearly forbid homosexuality. Your interpretation is that it condemns homosexuality. Regardless of whether your interpretation is the one that is held by the majority, there are practicing Christians that do not see the Bible as condemning homosexuality, but condemning idolatry (Romans), or mixing cultures (as in Leviticus). So, in the future, be careful not to say you are speaking for everyone when not everyone is in agreement. Also, the majority of Americans do not believe homosexuality is morally wrong, its actually the opposite (the majority of Americans support Same Sex Marriage, see: http://www.gallup.com/poll/147662/First-Time-Majority-Americans-Favor-Legal-Gay-Marriage.aspx). With that you can also infer that they don’t view it as an assault on the Family. You can also see that the acceptance of Same Sex Relations crossed the majority threshold a couple of years ago (http://www.gallup.com/poll/135764/Americans-Acceptance-Gay-Relations-Crosses-Threshold.aspx).

While I encourage people to converse on this subject, we must be careful to not oversimplify and distort data and call it fact. Just as your daughter had a negative experience and felt ostracized, she now knows what her many LGBT colleagues have felt for a long time, ostracized because someone didn’t care to get to know them better.

Thanks, Kyle, for your comments! Sorry for the long delay in replying. I know that there are some who claim to be Christians and do not think the Bible condemns homosexuality. A few thoughts on that: First, it is a departure from orthodox Christianity to believe such things. It is only a recent “brand” of Christianity that embraces this idea, unless you go back to some 10th and 11th Century brands of alternate Catholicism. No honest historian or theologian would say that historic, orthodox Christianity has ever claimed homosexuality (or other sexual sins like fornication and adultery) is not a sin. Second, to say that the Bible says that homosexuality is not a sin requires extreme manipulation, much like trying to convince a scientist that the sun is Disney World. Third, it doesn’t surprise me if recent polls sway toward acceptance of homosexuality. The desensitization process is maturing right on time in our culture. Finally, I don’t hate gays, nor do I rank and file sins as if one is worse than another. Religious sins of self-righteousness and works-salvation are as sinful as all brands of sexual sin. At the same time, it’s not arrogant to call sin what the Bible calls sin. That’s the only way to see Jesus for who he really is…a Savior.

Most people who are gay feel that they were born that way and cannot change their orientation. They are rejected by society and faith communities. How can we be more like Jesus and accept those who are rejected?

Accepting sinful behavior in other people does them no good. Pointing out the sinfulness is not rejecting them: It’s rejecting what is evil. We owe each other the truth. Because some people with same-sex attractions feel that they were born with such inclination doesn’t make it so. There is no proof for such an assumption. Such people assume they are born homosexual because they can’t remember ever feeling any other way. What we do know is that for whatever reason these people have not identified with the parent of their sex. The prevailing spin that our culture puts on this dynamic is that the culture must adapt to the needs these people perceive they have—to live as though the behavior that such feelings suggest is good and ought to be the norm for them.

Our culture insists that everyone has a right to sexual gratification. Never mind about context; let pleasure be the guide.

The greatest fallacy in such a proposition is that if anyone suggests otherwise, he is passing judgment and rejecting such people outright—as when you ask how we can be more like Jesus and accept those who are rejected. Jesus never accepted sinful behavior. He did accept sinners who were repentant, and he always loved them—even in their most sinful moments.

What is the context in which Jesus matters to us? What is the most important fact that we know about Jesus in relation to us? It is Good Friday! Good Friday is not only the day on which God revealed more about himself than at any other time in the history of creation, it is also our context as followers of Jesus. It is on the cross that Jesus shows us how to live. It is there that he shows us what constitutes love: sacrifice. “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Mark 8:34).

That God would love his creatures enough to become one of them and then suffer and die for them is beyond our ability to comprehend fully. Yet to the degree that we can appreciate what it is to suffer, we can appreciate such love. Each of us is given the opportunity for gaining such appreciation through the crosses that he allows us to have. Many different crosses prevent people from engaging in normal married life and therefore, genital pleasure. Homosexuality is only one of these. Only when we look at our human situation in its proper context, the context of Good Friday, can we recognize our place in it. Only through accepting the cross of same-sex attraction and offering it up in response to his self-gift will such a person know the full embrace of his nail-scarred hands.

It is when we accept the cross in our lives and encourage others to carry theirs that we are more like Jesus—not when we water down his expectations of us!

Indeed he does. But true love doesn’t let someone hurt themselves.
“Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people–none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.” 1 Cor. 6:9-10