Gregory’s Vacation Bible School: Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind

Welcome Dear Reader to Gregory’s Vacation Bible School. Today Gregory’s Bible School Teacher told him to pick one of his favorite bible stories to tell. Gregory chose to tell about the time Jesus healed a man born blind.

Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind

When Jesus was alive, he was always having to contend with an annoying bunch of cry babies called the Pharisees. The Pharisees were sticklers about working on the Sabbath because Old-Testament God hated that, and the Pharisees were Old-Testament God kiss ups of the worst kind.

A typical Sunday afternoon at a Pharisees house might have gone something like this:

Pharisee Hubby: Lilith, honey, would you mind getting me a fig?

Pharisee Wife: What? On the Sabbath? Elijoshua Abraham Moses Euphrates! What in God’s name has gotten into you? Having me get you a fig is work, is it not?

Pharisee Hubby: Whoops! What I meant was the next time you happen to get up to go to the bathroom or something — maybe could you just reach out and grab me a fig on your way back . . . Lilith? . . . Lilith, what are you doing with that grapevine, Lilith?

Pharisee Wife: I’m calling the authorities and having you dragged off and stoned to death.

Pharisee Hubby: But why?

Pharisee Wife: You wanted me to get you a fig. That’s working! And if I would have gotten you that fig, you were going to chew it, that’s working too.

Pharisee husband: But, honey, I was just gonna keep the fig in my mouth until Monday morning and then chew it up! Honest! We’ve been married 73 years. You’re being so harsh!

Pharisee wife: Boo-Hoo. Cry me a Jordan River, dead man.

Now, Jesus was a workaholic when it came to healing the sick, and He didn’t pay much attention to what day of the week it was as being the son of God was a 24/7, 365 type of responsibility.

Anyway, one day Jesus and his disciples came upon a man who had been blind from birth. His disciples wanted to know if the blind man was born blind because of his own sins (perhaps those he committed while coming down the birth canal) or if he was born blind because of the sins of his parents?

Turns out neither one! He was born blind so that God’s power might be seen at work in him.

Anyway, since it was getting dark and the next day was the Sabbath, Jesus had to quickly get the blind man’s eyes healed since performing miracles was considered “work” and the Pharisees had taken to hiding behind bushes so they could catch Jesus working on the Sabbath.

So Jesus quickly spat on the ground and made a big batch of spittle mud and put it on the blind man’s eyes then told him to go to wash his face in the pool of Siloam.

The bible doesn’t mention how the blind man found the pool of Siloam since he had been blind since birth, and even if he wasn’t he had two globs of mud over his eyes –but find it he did! And not only did he have 20/20 vision when he washed the mud off; but also, his skin look fabulous!

After the blind man had washed the mud off his face, some people began talking about him as though he wasn’t standing right there.

“Hey isn’t that the blind guy?”

“No I don’t think so.”

“Hello? I can hear you.” said the newly-sighted blind man. “And yes it is me.”

“Oh, ” said the people. “Well, where did Jesus go?”

And the bible tells us that the blind man answered them by saying, “I don’t know.”

And that concludes today’s edition of Gregory’s Vacation Bible School. Be sure to drop by next Sunday for more exciting bible tales as told by, Gregory, the world’s worst Sunday School student to date.

Oh so many things made me lol on this day of rest!! I can’t wait to read the entire bible (according to Greggers) some day.
Now, I think I’ll have to try rubbing some spit mud on my eyes for clearer, smoother skin.

I’ve always wondered about the part when Jesus spits in the dirt and rubs mud on the man’s eyes. Does Jesus have super-strong healing spit? That’s not sanitary but I’d let him do it if it meant I could see again.

Having attended a parochial school (St. John Bosco, bless him) I’ve heard all these stories before. When I was seven, I didn’t know what a metaphor was and I thought the priest was, literally, drinking blood and eating flesh. I thought they were all vampires and ghouls! It turns out I wasn’t far off the mark.

Oh now that would be scary to think you were actually eating and drinking the flesh and blood of Christ for real. I only went Presbyterian Sunday school and sometimes church — but I think it was more church-light — they don’t’ go all out like the Catholics do.