Why is Denise Richards getting her own show? Because she slept with her friend Heather Locklear’s ex-husband Richie Sambora? Because she was married to Charlie Sheen?

Because she had guest spots on “Saved by the Bell”?

Because she made out with Neve Campbell in “Wild Things”?

Because she was in “Scary Movie 3”?

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Honestly, y’all. I’m pretty clued into the pop culture world and all, but even I, Miss Pop Rocks, have confused Denise Richards with that chick who made all those Noxema ads a few years ago.

I’m all for dumb reality television (please, I’m no highbrow lady…after all, I’m writing this blog). But we are scraping the bottom of the barrel with this show…Are the Hollywood execs that out of ideas? What’s next? “Life with Marilu Henner”? “Rita Rudner’s House”? “Catching Up with Morgan Fairchild”? Painful. I mean, isn’t it enough that we are forced to bear witness to Kim Kardashian and her freaky deaky family?

Oh, Denise. Honey. You don’t need to do this to yourself (or your two kids). Wouldn’t it be easier to just move to Omaha, hide out for a few years, and come back with a new haircut and a reinvented personality? And then perhaps you can see if Noxema is hiring. I bet you’d make an awesome spokesmodel. – Jennifer Mathieu