Saturday, 31 March 2007

I've noticed recently that, when using cat slang, I only seem to refer to some of my six cats as a "puss". Others are always a "mog". I'm wondering if this is just me looking too deeply at my cats' personalities, or has anyone else noticed this: that cats are not just defined by their catness, they are also defined by their pussness or mogosity, and while a cat can be either a puss or a mog, being both would be against all the laws of nature, like supporting Liverpool AND Everton? To clarify: my cat Shipley (lean, muscley, quick-moving and obnoxious) could only be a puss, while to refer to his brother Delawney (sun-loving, tabby, narcissistic, very slightly overweight) as anything other than a mog would be like calling a badger a kangaroo. On the whole, mogs (e.g. Bagpuss, Garfield) have had much greater success in the public eye than pusses. I wonder why this is. Is it because Pusses are essentially flakey and skittish? Or it is something to do with the Mog's intrinsic sense of entitlement?

Because I think about these things far too much for my own sanity, I have come up with the following easy-to-use guide which I think defines the essential characteristics that separate Pusses from their Mog nemeses:

MOGPossibly in need of a dietExpensive tastesRound-facedPurr reminiscent of heavy machineryWon't get out of bed for less than £3,000 Sits in windows a lotLongish hair (not essential, but prevalent)

PUSSSlim-faced"Office joker" personalityGirly voiceWhiskers that look like they could get you out of a tight spotShort hair (not essential, but prevalent)Enjoys mouse tennisTree climber

Since my pygmy cat, Bootsy, doesn't fit into either of these categories, I'm wondering if I need to invent one more: that of the Kittycat. I am not sure if this exists, so it's entirely possible that the character traits listed below might only apply to one undersized, tyrannical grey cat from Norfolk, rather than an entire cat genre....

KITTYCATCross-eyedBottomless pit for stomachSpazzy legsDisapproving mannerLikes chewing radio aerialsLooks a bit like Marissa from American teen drama The OC