I need some help!! I'm looking into transportation from the hotel to the ceremony location, but its all so pricey! Would you guys consider it necessary for the bride and groom to provide? The hotel is less than 2 miles from the ceremony location.

This Week's Leaders in Etiquette

Etiquette about allergy issue

Hello all! I'm new here, but I wanted to get peoples' opinions on an issue we've been trying to find a good solution to.

I have a terrible allergy to yellow dye #10. Its found in many shampoos, lotions, and soaps. My allergy is bad enough that if I even hug someone who uses a product that has this dye in it, I break out in a bad rash on my face and arms. I would really prefer not to have a rash on my face for my wedding, oddly enough.

My family and I have been trying to come up with the best solution for this problem. My FI and I are not having a receiving line so that I can try and avoid some hugging, but it won't limit all of it. A friend suggested that I include a small comment somewhere in our invitations that notes my allergy and requests if people can please be conscientious of it and possibly check their products. I feel like this could potentially be seen as rude, and also cannot guarantee that people will check. Does anyone have any thoughts on whether the invitation comment is a good idea, or have any other suggestions? Thanks!

Re: Etiquette about allergy issue

Ugh, that really sucks. I empathize with your situation because there's really nothing you can do to ensure that your guests will be yellow dye-free, and stating your allergy on your invitation isn't great, since you get into territory that distracts from the purpose of the invitation.

While also not ideal, is it possible to premedicate? Maybe getting on a Benedryl regimen (or something that your doctor approves; definitely run it by your doctor to see if s/he has a better idea) is the best plan. That way you're protected no matter what you encounter.

I kinda feel like medical necessities trump etiquette. Putting it on an insert or even the invite seems necessary. I'd probably also put it on the program somewhere as a reminder. It's not ideal, but it's going to keep you healthy.

Aside from premedication, like @100yroldblinddog&nbsp;said, I'd actually think setting up a receiving line, where you can control the situation as you greet guests may be better. (You can't skip greeting guests, so table side would be your other option.) Maybe make sure you're wearing long gloves and some kind of wrap/bolero when you greet people?

How do you usually deal with people? Are you not a hugger, and does everyone know why?

I don't think there's any point to warning people about this. Even thoughtful people who mean well just aren't used to dealing with it, so you'll have no way of being sure that they've actually managed to avoid it. You'll have to do whatever you normally do to avoid hugs, and let as many people as possible know that you can't do hugs because of an allergy. And talk to your doctor about a strategy for the day.

I agree with PPs, this one will be tough because even people that mean well will forget or not realize that a product will have that in it and come unprepared. I think the best thing you can do is talk with a doctor about your options so you're prepared to deal with what comes you way on the day of.

While I don't think you can ask people to check their products, I think you could put a line in your program that says you have extreme sensitivities to many cosmetic and hygiene products and you will refrain from hugging today. Yeah, that needs to be wordsmithed.

If you send me an invitation weeks ahead of your wedding I will surely forget about your allergies and use what I normally use without a second thought. A line in your program isn't rude and let's people know there is an issue.

I have severe allergies to dogs and some of the meds I have taken really make me tired. You shouldn't have to go through a wedding day like that. I would have them on hand (and maybe yours don't make you drowsy...) but I think giving people a heads up in the program is fine.

I do agree that medical issues trump etiquette (regarding putting something on an invite), but I also agree that putting something on the invitation probably won't solve the issue, as people will forget between the invite and the day of, or not really understand what is or isn't OK.

I would amp up what you usually do- how do you normally get through a day without having a reaction? If that means you wouldn't hug people or shake hands, I agree with kmmssg, that something like that on your program is probably more effective.

I agree a line in the program is best. That way, I know right then to keep my distance from you, so to speak. I would never want to deliberately cause you illness, but I'm not going to change my shampoo and deodorant for your wedding. I would refrain from wearing perfumes the day of, but I would likely forget b/c it's just habit for me to put it on when I get dressed.

What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

I'm with the other PP, putting on your program that due to severe allergies to certain cosmetics, that you will be refraining from hugging people. And you can easily let your Bridal party and immediate family know so those who will be close to you all during the day will be free of the item as to avoid any possible issues for you that day. Don't forget to advise your photographer because it isn't uncommon for a photographer to touch the bride & groom to help get them into position for posed photos and possibly also the person performing your ceremony.

I also think this is somewhere you can enlist the two families. Fi should make every effort to speak to as many members of his family saying "XX has a extremely severe contact allergy to most cosmetics, soaps and lotions. If she hugs someone wearing them she has a severe reaction including terrible rash, hives and breathing problems. So whilst I know she would love to be welcomed into the family, she regrettably can't hug people. I'm sure you understand we don't want to end up in hospital on our wedding day. So whilst she may smile and nod during the receiving line, she is hugging you in spirit. I just wanted to make you aware because XX is worried that you might misconstrue this as coldness when nothing could be further from the truth. I would be grateful if you could please spread the word so this action isn't misinterpreted".

OP, I would also buy some cute short satin tea gloves to wear just during the receiving line so you can shake hands and not be set off by hand lotion, even if you have latex gloves underneath!

Thank you all so much for your input and ideas! I really appreciate it! I will definitely put a small note in the program and I didn't even think about the need to warn the photographer. Thankfully the people in the wedding party know of the allergy issue and I'll be spending the most time with them. The medication I have that helps makes me sleepy, so I'd really prefer to avoid it. As for my strategies, I'm not a big hugger. When in a situation where I do hug, I do my best but often have to just deal with the fallout. Fingers crossed that I'll make it through as rash free as possible! Thanks everyone!