I just read your first blog -the from from November, 2009. It makes PERFECT sense to me!!!!!!! OMG - I get it now! But even though the hurt and pain of his betrayal are still devastating and I still can't eat, sleep or barely function, what you said really hit home to me! I feel like I have only two choices in my life, for me and my innocent children, and that is Reconciliation or Divorce! There's no in between - no, gray area! And I know my DDay was on March 20th, 2011 and I shouldn't make any decisions yet, I still start down one of those paths each and every day only to run like hell back to the starting point because I am so scared! I HATE HIM for making me choose either path! What I thought was suppose to be forever - is now the biggest decision I feel I will ever have to make and if I screw it up, I and my children will suffer greatly for it! I don't want him but I need him! I just wish I didn't love him anymore and that would make my decision easier! Even though I am very weak, physically, I'm trying to get the strength to kick him back out of the house! So I can think without him around. He wants to Reconcile and make things better and soooooo sorry & blah, blah, blah - don't care, don't want to hear, just want to punch him in the face or kick him somewhere else! What the HELL am I going to do??????

I have not been here long, but I must say the first time I read this post, about two weeks ago, it made me feel confident, and strong, which is exactly what I need. I truly believe it should be added to the healing library so that it will always be accessible to all the newbies, and anyone else who needs a boost (I personally copied and pasted it so I could always access). Thank you for your words.
I have a thought. I believeit may not be the OW weakness that keeps them at the back of the pack, but our strength, and all the people that truly condemn this type of behavior. To be as manipulating and calculating as these women appear to be I question how weak they could possible be. They make a conscience choice to become involved with a married person, although stupid and terribly mean, not sure so weak. I believe they know exactly what they are doing, they calculate every action and response to assure that they stroke the ego of the WS while pointing out how bad married life is, all while appearing sweet and innocent, like they have the WS's best interest at heart.
I am not writing this to disagree with the original post, because I believe it to be brillant. I write this because these women are predators that always seem to be available to pounce. They should not be discounted because they are dangerous. We are better, we are stronger and I pray to God we are smarter. These women need to be kept at the back of the pack by strong, faithful, moral people like us. They always affair down because these women are scavangers willing to live with the scraps and left overs of others, never quite "good" enough to make it on their own.
Stay true to yourself and stay strong, if this relationship does not work there is a reason and there are better things to come.

Sorry I don't edit the typos
Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to.-Unknown
For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.-Bo Bennett
Memory is a complicated thing, a rel

I agree with wantofeelwhole -- look at your bunny boilers for example. Jeesh, one of my IRL friends who also knew OW (notice the past tense , good girl) said out of the blue the other day she'd seen some movie on TV where there was an OW who tried to kill the wife and she immediately thought of OW and that she was amazed once again that OW didn't try to off me. (This friend wound up with a front-row seat to OW's crazy-jealous land ... before figuring out what was going on and bailing on OW to be friends with only me.)

Anyway, point is, was she amoral and broken? Sure. BUT yes, many are predators...

Well written, just trying to believe it is true, maybe in time eh?
xxx

Posts: 5 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: uk

Jrazz♀ ModeratorMember # 31349

Posted: 2:38 PM, April 21st (Thursday), 2011

BUMP! for lovetotry

"It is impossible to get a man to understand something if his livelihood depends on him not understanding." - Upton Sinclair

Posts: 23911 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California

Junebug0525♀ MemberMember # 29142

Posted: 5:24 AM, April 23rd (Saturday), 2011

I never realized how this fits XH and OW to a tee. I knew it fit XH because he needs that ego boost and someone to make him feel good about himself, but I never really thought that way about her. She's young, pretty, taller and a little thinner than me, seems like she was probably homecoming queen or something like that. It wasn't until my boyfriend came with me to DS's soccer game and HE noticed her body language right away. Insecure, shy, uncomfortable, etc. So, I guess it does fit well. There was never any doubt that he affaired down, but now I can actually see it. And after all the lies he told her (probably more than me), she still accepted his behavior...

Yeah, saw her on Facebook last nite, man is she ugly! I know a couple more things I didn't know six years ago, and that is that she has pursued him off and on since they broke up (way before me). She sent him a birthday present a few years ago. All this time I wondered who sent him the present that he lied about, and said it was his aunt and uncle. Then he forgot he lied and told me where his aunt and uncle live. Funny, it wasn't the same address. Long story short, some detective work and all of a sudden there is was right in front of my face. She mailed it from a friends house and that was the address. I recognized the handwriting from some cards he had saved.
I gotta find a job in another town. I hate both of them right now. Poor OW, I thought she was just pathetic. Now I know she's a pathetic predator.
Damn it.

I'm not sad that you lied to me. I'm sad that I can never believe you again.

Well, I'm sad that you lied to me, too.

Posts: 371 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Great Falls Montana

seeker2010♀ MemberMember # 31552

Posted: 12:59 PM, April 23rd (Saturday), 2011

Thank you for reminding me of this. I am having a bit of a rough day today, and I needed to remember that his actions speak about HIM, not about me. My reactions are the only ones that speak about ME, and I can and am changing those. If he doesn't change--I can move on. He'll still be the same lowlife that cheated on me, but *I* will have grown and learned. Crazy as it may sound, his cheating will make *me* a better person for it. Even now, I have a much more solid appreciation for my own value--it seems to have taken him disrespecting me to make the scales drop from my eyes, not just about him, but about me, too.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2011

Rise_Above♀ MemberMember # 23674

Posted: 9:15 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011

bump

You can live the way you believe this is your opportunity to let your life be one that lights the way~F.Battistelli

*****
God's hand was an avocado branch

Posts: 14226 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Chrys a lis

betrayedONE♂ MemberMember # 29650

Posted: 11:30 AM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011

they always affair down

This post helped me put it all in prospective. Itís so true. Monica Lewinsky comes to mind. Although FWW was the better looking one she was in a low place. He was/is a POS.
How can someone who cheats on his wife be a trade up? Makes no sense.

I edit alot because i read my posts after i hit submit. i don't catch my errors until then!

Posts: 139 | Registered: Dec 2010

r_jane♀ New MemberMember # 32105

Posted: 3:05 PM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011

Oh... perfectly put.

Thank you for this.

Posts: 30 | Registered: May 2011

Rise_Above♀ MemberMember # 23674

Posted: 8:53 PM, May 14th (Saturday), 2011

bump

You can live the way you believe this is your opportunity to let your life be one that lights the way~F.Battistelli

*****
God's hand was an avocado branch

Posts: 14226 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Chrys a lis

Stronger1♀ New MemberMember # 32190

Posted: 5:18 PM, May 19th (Thursday), 2011

DBB, thank you. I have recently joined SI but had read many things since dday in dec 2010. Nothing has made me feel as good and strong as this. I have read it several mornings since and even copied and pasted it to my journal and read it several times there. You are so spot on it is incredible. Thank you so much for this post.

Posts: 31 | Registered: May 2011

LostandGuilty♂ MemberMember # 30493

Posted: 11:37 AM, May 23rd (Monday), 2011

Everyone new to this site must read this! Amazing.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" - Robert Frost