Two kids, two full time careers - lots of people do it gracefully, but for me it's a challenge, particularly as I struggle with my boy, the rooster, and his "constellation" of health and developmental issues. Medicine so far fails to cure what ails us, so I'm trying a self-prescribed intensive dose of blogging to see if that does the trick.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Happy Anniversary to Rooster Calls

February 20th marked a year of blogging for me, and I accidentally missed it. I take that as a sign of improvement, don't you?

When I started this blog, writing in it sustained me in a way that nothing else could. I came to blogging as soon as I realized, through reading so many other blogs by mothers of kids with autism, that I belong here. (Of course, it's the club you don't want to join, right?) Uncertainty had come from doctors, evaluations, conversations, books... many denied my fears and no one could tell me what the deep concerns I felt meant, or where to begin helping my little boy. Luckily, when I sought information online, I found more than just information, more than just commonality. I found help. Love. Reassurance. Hope. HUMOR. Friends. Attitude. Engergy. Belief. Comfort. Home. I found, among so many other, MOM-NOS, Gretchen, Nik's mom... I found a writer and artisan mama at Monkey and Me who I haven't heard from in a while, but still think of often... I found mom and expert Jordan, I found anecdotes and resources... and I told my husband, "See? Hear? This? Them? Us? I think the Rooster does have autism. And I'm scared. But look. I think these people can help us and guide us and have some answers and ideas and help and support..."

The year has been hard. Harder than steel and rocks and diamonds and my head. The year has hurt. More than broken bones and child birth and stomach flu and needles all at once. The year has been busy. Busier than subways and stimulus planning and the 405 freeway at rush hour. The year has been complicated, worse than astrophysics and my tax forms and that guy I dated a long time ago and billion piece puzzles.

I freely admit, as always, that I drink too often from the pity party fountain, and I own wholeheartedly that while I have two of the poorest behaved kids (and one we believe to be NT) in the greater metropolis (if not the cosmos), things could be worse. And, I concede there might be some truth to my husband's assertion that I am somewhat prone to exaggeration, but only just a titch. None of these things have changed in twelve pages of the calendar.

But at last the year is behind us, and despite some staggering losses, it hasn't been all bad. The rooster has made progress this year. And I have found a beautiful community.

I started my blog by Searching for the Rooster, and I admitted from the first post that maybe I was searching for myself, too. But, in a backward way, I thought I would find our twins out there, and that was how we'd find ourselves. Hah! I know - I know - we're snowflakes, aren't we? What I learned instead is that you find yourself WITHIN yourself, and you find your child by being WITH your child. Thank you for teaching me that. (Joey's mom especially helps me with this lesson all of the time, and I am so grateful for that.) When I forget in the future, will one of you please smack me? Gently? Thank you to all who stick by me.

Happy Anniversary, Rooster Calls. Thanks for being my blog. Thanks for giving more than you take. Thanks for the life rope. Thanks for the friends. Thanks for the family. I am sorry for missing the anniversary, but glad to need you less desperately than I did one year ago. Here's to another year of growth and learning, for the Rooster and for all of us.