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Israel: ‘Two State Solution’ is two-bedroom flat in downtown Jerusalem

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has elaborated on his acceptance of a Palestinian state by revealing the details of a proposed offer to the Palestinian people – a two-bedroom Jerusalem flat.

‘We are offering a spacious, modern domicile on the second floor of a new build in Jerusalem.’ announced Mr. Netanyahu. ‘It enjoys excellent public transport links and is only five minutes from the Al-Aqsa Mosque. It has a modern fitted kitchen, a deceptively large living area and two well-appointed bedrooms.’

Both Palestinian factions have angrily rejected the offer, with Fatah labelling it a ‘derisory gesture'; although some commentators believe that they are actually holding out the ‘barn conversion outside Tel Aviv’ solution proposed by Barak Obama. Hamas is equally dismissive, with a spokesman calling for a ‘full Palestinian homeland or nothing. And besides, Fatah would only hog the bathroom anyway.’