Honest Missed Connections

I should have come over and sat with you, but instead, we both sat alone, me with my several Schlitzes, you with your rocks glass of crème de menthe.

We probably don't have much in common, and I definitely wasn't attracted to you, but I'm not getting any younger, you probably aren't getting any thinner, and even when we were in our 20s, we were probably only ever fours, maybe four-and-a-halfs, at best, right?

What do you say, are you ready to settle?

Information desk cutie -- w4m -- 43 (the porcelain doll museum)

We only got to talk for a second before I'd answered your question about where the bathrooms are on this floor, so I never got to ask you the question that had been on my mind from the moment I saw you buy tickets for your elderly mother and yourself.

How many cats would you say is too many for a single woman to own?

If your number is higher than a dozen, I really think we could be perfect for each other.

The chances of you ever reading this are incredibly slim, so I just want to say now what I couldn't say when you were telling us about the sights off the side of the boat, Sarah.

Even if I ever see you again, which seems unlikely, you are almost definitely out of my league.

Corner of Elm St. and Washington -- m4w -- 52 (Framingham)

I was in the red Audi TT convertible, you were in the maroon Volkswagen, and I stared at you so long I didn't even notice when the light turned green.

I've been thinking about it, and you, ever since, and I'm almost certain that you're at least as old as my daughter, maybe even my son. Either way, I'll buy you very expensive purses as "just-because" gifts if you respond.

Prohibition bar -- w4m -- 24 (downtown)

Your Revenge of the Nerds ringtone was an amazing ice breaker, and from that moment on we hit it off completely. We talked all night, but somehow we never got around to exchanging numbers.

I really hope you see this. I don't know how else to get in touch with your friend -- you know, the really hot one in the ATO sweatshirt?

13 bus monday around 9:45 -- m4w -- 36 (Billerica)

I couldn't help but notice you, in your sensible khakis, reading the latest P.D. James novel in paperback. And I think you noticed me, too. I definitely saw you looking at me several times between when you got on, at Pollard Street, and when you got off, at Route 3.

Was it because of the psoriasis? I'm just going to assume that it was because of the psoriasis.

Lowes garden center mulch-man -- m4m -- 39 (Dedham)

Your lips said you weren't gay, and that you just wanted to know where the mulch was, but your eyes, and your body language, and your sexual history also imply that you're probably not gay.

I just want you to know, though, that your image is going to spur many, many masturbation sessions. Dozens.