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Author
Topic: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness (Read 3451 times)

This probably belongs in the LTS forum but I didn't want to exclude anyone who wanted to post. I had a great evening and had some informative conversations with some long lost friends. Thanks to FB, everyone knew what my intentions were last night. I had that little devil sitting on my shoulder and he only had to whisper. I went to our local "watering hole" and kept receiving texts from friends who were also out and about. They sent a cab and I was ordered to join them in the next town.

As I adjust to my openness and willingness to be free within myself, I'm finding support in places that I never thought existed. We're from an extremely small town and the discussion turned to the number of people we've lost to this disease. It's only natural that people gravitate towards those with similarities and I lost many close friends. Alcohol leads to introspection and I was suddenly in the mid 80's again. I vividly remember the discussion I had with the counselor indicating that I could probably live to be 30 or possibly 40. How freaking grim is that?

I don't know why I'm the only one of my "group" that's still around but I am determined now, more than ever, to make the most of this life. It was liberating to discover that I was the only one in denial about my illness and that most people already know. (or presume) I don't intend to walk around with that scarlet "A" on my forehead but I'm also freeing myself of the self-imposed shame. It was one of the greatest evenings I've had in a long time.

Talk about knocking the happy out of someone. My mum just informed me that I needed to start getting ready. I of course had no idea what she is talking about. I guess sometime in the recent past I agreed to go a KY Derby party with her. I'll post pictures later because they're having a contest for best hats. I think she's using my brain impairment against me because I'd never agree to such a thing in my right mind. The conversation probably never happened!

I was 24 when I tested poz, was told by the doctor I wouldn't live past 26, to make a will, and make sure there was someone to take care of my daughter, who was 5 at the time. Wow, that was a long time ago (I'm 45 now). Now I have 3 grandkids.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I was suddenly in the mid 80's again. I vividly remember the discussion I had with the counselor indicating that I could probably live to be 30 or possibly 40. How freaking grim is that?

Wolfman-I remember having a similar conversation with my diagnosing doctor in '89. He said that there was the remote possibility that I might live for 10 more years, but that 18-24 months was more likely. You're right, it was pretty freakin grim.I am glad that you were able to go out and enjoy yourself with your friends. The introspection and subsequent enlightenment are added bonuses. It is surprising how much other people see, when we are thinking that we have cleverly hidden our "stuff" from sight. Hopefully, this experience will have a direct and lasting effect on your life from here on out. Thanks for sharing.

This probably belongs in the LTS forum but I didn't want to exclude anyone who wanted to post. I had a great evening and had some informative conversations with some long lost friends. Thanks to FB, everyone knew what my intentions were last night. I had that little devil sitting on my shoulder and he only had to whisper. I went to our local "watering hole" and kept receiving texts from friends who were also out and about. They sent a cab and I was ordered to join them in the next town.

As I adjust to my openness and willingness to be free within myself, I'm finding support in places that I never thought existed. We're from an extremely small town and the discussion turned to the number of people we've lost to this disease. It's only natural that people gravitate towards those with similarities and I lost many close friends. Alcohol leads to introspection and I was suddenly in the mid 80's again. I vividly remember the discussion I had with the counselor indicating that I could probably live to be 30 or possibly 40. How freaking grim is that?

I don't know why I'm the only one of my "group" that's still around but I am determined now, more than ever, to make the most of this life. It was liberating to discover that I was the only one in denial about my illness and that most people already know. (or presume) I don't intend to walk around with that scarlet "A" on my forehead but I'm also freeing myself of the self-imposed shame. It was one of the greatest evenings I've had in a long time.

There is nothing grim about introspection that allows you to see your own reality. The fact that you recognize you are freeing yourself of your self-imposed shame, is incredibly important and self-affirming. The road we travel with HIV, is essentially ours alone and all that really matters, is that you feel good about you. My guess is you are making the transition to where you will begin to thrive, in spite of HIV and that will change not only how you see the world, but how you view yourself. I hope you enjoy the feeling of being able to control aspects of your life, by controlling your own self view. Perception matters and how you see yourself, can often color how you believe you are seen by others.

What an important thread. "Self imposed shame" now there is something I'm sure most of us Lts-ers can relate to. I sure can. I fight it every day it seems. And when it gets me down, I seem to have the ability to shrug it off. Sometimes I feel like the stock market itself. up and down, up and down.As long as we come up, that's the main thing!