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Deep Thoughts

1. Why do pajamas have pockets?
2. Why do people sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when they are already there?
3. Does anybody actually enjoy the music they hear when they're on "hold"?
4. Why is it called a hamburger when it is beef?
5. Why are they called apartments when they're all together?
6. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
7. How come permanents are temporary?
8. Before they invented golf balls, how did they measure hail?
9. Why aren't they called bakies instead of cookies?
10. Why isn't the word "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?
11. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
12. Do you need a silencer to shoot a mime?
13. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
14. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
15. If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
16. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
17. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they make the Teflon stick to the pan?
18. Since cats always land on their feet & buttered toast always
lands butter-side down, what would happen if you tied buttered toast to
the back of a cat and tossed it?
19. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
20. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
21. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
22. Why is it cargo on a ship and a shipment in a car?
23. If the little indestructible black box is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
24. Why is it that while you are driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
25. Will they let you buy anything specific at a general store?
26. Where do you park if you work at a fire hydrant factory?
27. When will they make a decaffeinated coffee table?
28. What is another word for thesaurus?
29. What did cured ham have before it was cured?
30. What is an occasional table when it is not a table?
31. Why is abbreviated such a long word?
32. If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
33. Do vegetarians ever eat animal crackers?
34. Why do women open their mouths when they put on mascara?
35. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
36. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
37. If police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has a right to remain silent?
38. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
39. What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
40. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
41. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
42. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
43. Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
44. How do you know when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
45. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
46. When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
47. Why do they call it a TV Set when you only get one?
48. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
49. What happens if you can't remember where you planted your forget-me-nots?
50. What does a compass do at the North Pole?
51. How do they get deer to cross the roads at those yellow signs?
52. Why do they call it "raising" a building when they tear it down?
53. When an alarm sounds, why do we say it goes "off"?
54. Why do elevators go down?
55. Why is quicksand so slow?
56. Why do packages of circus peanuts include nutritional facts?
57. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
58. Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have Chapter 11?
59. Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
60. Where are Preparations A-G?
61. If knees bent backwards, what would chairs look like?
62. When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
63. How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
64. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
65. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
66. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
67. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
68. Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
69. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
70. What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
71. Why do light switches say on/off? When it is on you can see it is on and when it is off you can't see to read?
72. Does a goose get people bumps?
73. Who invented the dickey? And Why?
74. Why do they call it evaporated milk if it's still there when you open the can?
75. Who decides it's "I" before "E" except after "C"?
76. Why do umpires always turn around to sweep off home plate?
77. If we smoke in smoking jackets, and we sleep in sleeping bags, what do we do in wind breakers?