Help with temper tantrums…

Janine here. I’m sorry to go on a rant, but I’m just at my limit and need a place to vent! So I’m a SAHM with three kids – all boys and all very close in age. Lately, I’ve just been feeling SO irritable around them and find myself snapping at my kids over the smallest things. I don’t want to yell at them, I feel terrible afterwards, but I can’t seem to control my temper. The worst part is that I think my kids are picking up my bad habits and they’re always yelling at each other too.

I don’t want them to turn out like their grumpypants mommy. Any advice?

Sorry to hear about your struggles. From one mom to another, I know just how hard it can be to raise three kids. Especially boys! It can be like a hectic zoo sometimes. Boys being boys, toys being thrown around, furniture being broken. You don’t need me to tell you the daily routine. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone! I’ve been there. We’ve all been there.

My advice: ask for help. Either from your spouse, or from a family member, or from a friend, or even from a neighbour. Firstly, it always helps to have an extra pair of eyes around your rowdy kids. Secondly, when you’re around company, you may feel more self-constraint and keep a better check over your temper. Plus, having another person there can defuse a tense situation.

Trust me, it helps to have another person there to help you out, even if it’s just for a few hours at a time.

It would be nice if I can find ANYONE to help me. My mom isn’t mobile, my sister has kids of her own, my friends are all working moms, and I can’t seem to find another SAHM with the same schedule as mine.

My husband is the good cop in our relationship. He always takes them out, play basketball with them, they have a blast with him. He usually just turns a blind eye when they misbehave. He would never raise his voice at them – he’s just not the type. I’m the one stuck at home with the kids for most of the day and I’m the one who has to discipline their behaviour. It’s really frustrating actually.

Please excuse me if I’m speaking out of line, but have you considered getting counselling? I’m suggesting this because your problem sounds more serious than just being unable to handle a couple of rowdy children. I sense something deeper than frustration behind your words. Talking to a professional therapist could help you sort out some of the complicated emotions you’re feeling.

I was in a similar situation once after my first baby. I was irritated with everybody around me, including my children and my husband. For months and months, I was becoming a person that I didn’t like. I got better after talking to a professional about it. Gave it a label too: post-partum depression. It took a lot of sessions before I recovered, but I’m in a much better place mentally than I was before. I think a therapist could potentially help you too.

I haven’t really thought about getting counselling… I know it’s probably my own ignorance showing, but there’s a bit of a negative stigma around it and I just can’t bring myself to talk to somebody about my problems in-person. If my feelings continue getting worse, I’m not ruling it out though.

I’m glad you aren’t ruling it out and I genuinely do hope you’ll feel better. If you change your mind and you want to talk to somebody, I can give you a few recommendations about who to talk to. I used to go to a nearby psychotherapist (I’m from the Oakville, Ontario area) called Brian Collinson. He’s extremely professional and really knows his stuff. We put in a lot of time together, and our sessions helped me clear up some of the anxiety I was feeling at the time.

If you want, I can share some more details about my experiences with therapy in a more private setting. Let me know and I’ll send you a PM.