Stripper on the loose

Local Ogden resident held on charges of public nudity.

Donny Osmond from right here in Ogden, Utah was arrested yesterday on four counts of public nudity. "Donny had been running around town naked for several weeks before we finally caught that bastard," police Sgt. Brigs said. "We had gotten several complaints from concerned mothers about a man running around naked and decided it was time to take this criminal down once and for all."

The police used a computer to plot out where Osmond had been streaking, and they found a trend. They then set up a trap for Osmond based on the collected information. "Our man fell right into it," Brigs explained.

Brigs staged a public event knowing that the streaker was sure to run by during the event. Sure enough, they saw a man run by with no clothes on. The police hiding in the area went in for the kill and brought Donny Osmond down.

Many local Ogden residents were shocked at who it was. One widowed Mrs. Cunningham had this to say, "I always thought Donny was such a good intentioned person. I guess Donny has finally shown their true side. That man Bitch! Foolin' us all like that!"

Donny Osmond will be tried next month in the local courthouse in Ogden, Utah. Police are now warning parents to stay close to their children in case other freaks decide to follow the actions of Osmond. A new law is currently being written to bring down harsher punishments in cases like this. This new law will be named after the man and is called "Osmond's law."

Until Osmond is tried and jailed, police are posting pictures of this criminal all around Ogden. "People should stay far away from this man." Said Brigs, "Osmond has been exposed as a pervert and we don't want this man hurting anyone."