That means that you may be living yourself for others, for their approval and what they are going think, you might be wondering if yours is going to be good enough and how everyone is going to judge you!!!

They don’t matter.

I don’t matter.

You don’t matter in this exact moment, because you’re an illusion right now.

So, @maddyxxx, I think I did the whole assignment wrong. Not the food part but the rest.

I do ride the short bus sometimes.

Some of the shit you say to me really bothers me – accusing me of doing things halfway or being mediocre – because that’s exactly how I think I am, and I do hate myself for it. I just had to take 24 hours to work through why the fuck it bothered me so much. I’m sure you got there much quicker.

And obviously pushing myself constantly to be better hasn’t worked so the obvious 10 second solution is something like “work on accepting myself as I am.” Which I have trained myself to believe is bullshit, so this will probably keep me up all night.

The last three days have been about empowering us as individuals. Tackling things we fear physically, tackling things we fear emotionally, and turning that ownership into self-actualization. “NO WRONG ANSWERS!” and “Just say WHAT YOUR HEART AND MIND NEEDS TO SAY.” These are calls to action for an individualist mandate, where we don’t answer to outside forces and we’ve conquered our own fears.

Then we have @maddyxxx openly telling us all groups are no replacement for committing to self-actualization. It reminds me of what he and I discussed at Seven Grand: in the end, we all stand alone.

A lot of us have been eager for answers, direction, a stance to take, and a side to pick. (I’ve certainly done it.) Are we slowly being taught that those paradigms don’t matter? That we should each be thinking in terms of the individual “I” — and how we can each manifest our own wants and desires — and less about any group, no matter what side of which fence it’s on?

Was a major delivery today on a project, so this one’s coming in nice and late.
Only had bandwith for one needy agrressive power figure today, so client got to fill those shoes.
Only kidding.
Looking forward to Sunday.