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11.6.14

The Small things...

The thing I'm going to be writing about today I've wanted to write about for a long time but previously I had a completely different attitude towards what it was I was going to write about. I've wondered for some time why people ask "Are you okay?" "Alright?" "How are you?" all those different variations. In my mind I used to think people only ever ask those questions because of common courtesy, in which case said person is literally looking for the standard "I'm good thank-you. How are you?" response in which case they then reply the same. Or because someone was just being nosey in which case they will get the same response and I'm unlikely to ask them how they are but the thing is I never actually thought anyone would really care enough to actually care how I am really feeling.

Lately though my mind has changed. I'm trying to become less cynical. For me I genuinely will ask someone how they are and really want to know and for me it's my way of letting that person know I'm here whether they need to talk or not, sometimes people need to be with people without talking just knowing they have someone there if they need them. I know that because I am one of those people, I find it hard to talk openly with people about my feelings, face to face that is, without making a joke or just completely brushing off the subject all together because it makes me uncomfortable to talk about it, I have quite tough exterior to crack. There are few people that ever really get to hear how I'm really feeling. My sisters, parents, a few old school friends, my best-friends and a few very special PH and transplant friends. That probably amounts to about 10 or 12 people and I'm extremely lucky to have those 10/12 people. Although this blog has definitely allowed me to really express how i feel about so many things that under normal circumstances I wouldn't want to talk about.

I mean don't get me wrong I do still believe people only ask due to common courtesy and I know there are people that only crop up and ask me how I am when something dramatic or interesting happens in my life because people do get bored with the whole "terminally ill" "dying" thing and who can blame them really? I mean I get bored with it too but I can't just walk away from it and not text someone for months to avoid it. This is how I know who my friends really are and I can promise you I will never be bitter towards those who have and did get bored with it because I can't blame them, although luckily for me there were/have been very few people who have/did get bored with it, I surround myself with positive wonderful people who are really amazing.

I think sometimes asking how someone is, is the only thing someone can do, it's a little thing that can sometimes help and make someone feel just that little bit better letting them know they're there.

So from now on I'm going to try and look at peoples how are yous? and are you okays? as genuine because I like to believe in the good in people and because I ask with genuine feeling I'd like to think there are others who also do. I suppose it's a bit like when an English person offers you a cup of tea. A cup of tea solves the worlds problems there is nothing in this world that has not been made better by a decent cup of tea and if an English person offers you one then you know that they genuinely care or are worried about you because you can talk about everything that is wrong in the world and in your life over a nice cup of tea. It's the rule ;-) And therefore I plan on looking at future How are yous? and are you okays? like a good old English cup tea.

I'm in my 20's and after waiting 3 years,
I underwent a heart and double lung transplant because I suffered from a illness called Pulmonary Hypertension.

This blog is where I documented that journey and will continue to document all the amazing highs and the lows post-transplant. I hope to continue to raise awareness for both PH and organ donation and I would love for you to continue to share this journey with me.