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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Uber: learn's ""how do i find a dom(me) and get them to keep me - panel discussion & forum" was held on Sunday 29th March at Manacle, at The Clarence Hotel in Sydney.

Ms Dee wrote about the panel:

"a new format for workshop forums for us. a nominated panel, led by a relevant, topical facilitator. actively discussing the topic at hand. all ready to be quizzed and challenged by the audience in a forum configuration.

today's discussion - what can a submissive do to attract a dominant, and what do they have to do to ensure the relationship gets off the starting block, and stays in the race."

She kindly invited me to join to panel, along with several friends who grace the pages of Mistress160's Abode.

I love the atmosphere at Manacle. I'm glad the infamous chain spider web survived the move to the new location at Petersham! Here's an article about the launch last year from the Star Observer:

Manacle will officially relaunch with a week-long program of fetish events starting this Tuesday and culminating in a free party on Friday 29 August, to welcome new and old patrons alike into the refurbished premises of the Clarence Hotel. Three months after opening its doors, Manacle is set to tell the world it’s back — chain spider web and all — to satisfy the needs of the fetish crowd while branching out into new areas of entertainment.

Co-owner Stuart Fraser said in the months since the unofficial opening public response to the new premises has been overwhelming, with numbers exceeding all expectations. “We’ve seen people coming through in fetish that we’ve never seen before,” Fraser told Sydney Star Observer...

For Fraser and his partner Andrew Clarke the move away from Oxford St was about more than escaping escalating violence and straight influences along the strip, with the pair taking the opportunity to launch a range of new initiatives to cater to a wider range of patrons...

“I suppose coming from where we have, with 20 years of involvement with the fetish community, we were just at a point where we thought, ‘There has to be more to offer than just parties.’” It is an ethos which shines through the range of events planned over the next week for the opening celebration..."

Holding Uber workshops and some really great exhibitions (being just after Mardi Gras, there was also a terrific exhibition of posters on the walls) is also part of that ethos.

We arranged three chairs on the stage, and chatted with the owners while we waited for everyone to arrive:

At first the audience was quite small but it grew considerably during the two hours. It was great to see some good friends there and to see new faces :).

The three panel members represented different types of contemporary Domme. We were all lifestyle dominants. However we searched for partners in different ways. This was what made the discussion that followed so useful for people looking for a partner.

The first speaker was a real time only dominant - she rarely does anything kinky on the internet and meets her play partners at community events or through friends. In fact she met her current partner (who was moderating the panel) via MsGawjusRedhead, our second speaker. MsGawjusRedhead uses the internet more, is a member of most major kinky sites and is happy to "hunt" for real time casual and long term partners via these sites. What was needed for a final speaker was a Domme who used the internet to find both online and real time play partners and so I fulfilled this role.

We each spoke a little about our background and then answered questions from the moderator and later, from the audience. We discussed in depth what do you look for in a play partner? (compatibility / honesty / trust / respect / loyalty / being friends or lovers first) (I had also raised this topic with dommes on Fetlife ... if you'd like to see their responses, check out here and here. Thank you, Ladies!) and where do you meet your partners online and real time? (play parties and other scene events / via other kinksters / online on sites like alt, collarme and Fetlife).

In terms of online, we discussed the importance of filling on profiles, of suitable profile photos / avatars, of how to contact a dominant. Towards the end MsGawjusRedhead quite rightly pointed out that we'd been concentrating on what people got wrong, so we switched to what people got right for a more positive finish!

Afterwards the panel joined attendees for a drink. I stole a friend's chips to nibble with mine, they were yummy. We got some terrific feedback. MsDee and I had said to each other before the event "if we get even one person coming up and saying this was their first real time event and that they felt comfortable being there, and even learned a few things, then we have a success on our hands". We ended up having several people say this LOL so we were really pleased.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Today we are going to discuss an easy and fun BDSM technique: clamps. I held a workshop on this a while back and it was a lot of fun, especially for newbies to sensation play.

WHY DO WE DO IT?

OK, first question, students: why do we like playing with clamps? Because ... yep, that's right, clamping is a form of sensation play. Clamps create erotic sensations by cutting off circulation.

You can make clamp play as mild or painful as you like, and this post includes examples of both. Clamps are a good technique for beginners. They don't require any special skill - you'll pick up what you need as you learn how your partner's body responds to clamping. And you might be surprised by some of the clamps I discuss - in fact, you will probably have most of the "toys" I mention at home: clothes pegs (or clothes pins), bamboo skewers, a ball of string, rubber bands, etc... see, told you it was easy! For other toys I discuss I'll provide a link, so you can get an idea of price, where to buy them, etc.

Some points to keep in mind when starting to play with clamps:

start with a low clamping pressure and work up

start with what your sub can endure, then work up to higher endurance slowly

don't leave pegs on more than twenty minutes - keep a clock / timer in your play space

the longer the clamping time, the more fierce the sensation caused by removing the pressure

WHERE DO WE USE CLAMPS?

Obviously we are not going to leave clamps in place too long (never more than 20 minutes) or place them on places near blood vessels / nerves, or where damage (such as the corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum of the penis, and tissues of the clitoral hood in women) can occur. Are we?!

My favorite places (on both sexes) are nipples and genitals. But I've seen pegs used in many places and for all sorts of purposes. I've sometimes created lines of pegs on sol's belly and flicked them off with a cane.

Places I've used pegs:

labia (avoid genital jewelry)

cock and balls

nipples (avoid jewelry)

around the breast

perineum and ass cheeks

earlobe and sides of ear (avoid jewelry)

tongue and lips (VERY painful)

around navel (avoid jewelry)

webbing between fingers and toes

inner thighs

There are many ways to put a clamp on a nipple. The key thing to remember here is placement. A clothes peg placed on the tip of the nipple is much more intense than one placed closer to the base of the nipple.

SETTING THE SCENE

OK you've decided to give clamps a try. How do you set the scene?

First, make your own preparations. Tidy the play space, place a clock nearby (to time your clamps), light some candles, make sure the room is warm enough for play, then assemble your toys - for this first session perhaps some wooden clothes pegs of different sizes and some preprepared bamboo skewers (see bottom of post)....

I'd have your partner lie down, naked, facing upwards - and if you are new to real time play, try blindfolding them. This will really up the sensation play from their point of view. And from yours, it will add confidence because you won't be worried about them seeing you making mistakes, or checking the clock or whatever. If you don't have a blindfold in the toy box just use a scarf or an empty pillow case.

If you have restraints why not cuff their hands together as well? They'll be deep in subspace before the first clamp is attached.

Now you have your partner naked, blindfolded and bound the world is your oyster! Caress them lightly, especially the areas you plan to focus on. Then move your toys within range ... pick up a single clamp, drag it over their body ... a light touch at first and then heavily ... before attaching it in a less sensitive area...

Observe your partner's response, their breathing, the warmth of their skin ... if all is well proceed with more clamps, finishing up in the more sensitive spots. Attaching clamps to nipples and genitals will set their blood racing ... whether you let them come or not is of course up to you....

Keep an eye on the time, make sure no clamps stay on for over 20 minutes. Some people enjoy removing clamps in the same order they placed them, one by one ... or you can remove them all quickly by sliding your hand down your partner's body. Removing clamps can be more intense than putting them on. This means in terms of play that you can create even more sensation by HOW you remove the clamp - I love to remove the clamp and then press my fingertips onto the skin, forcing the blood back quickly.

Remember too that clamp play can be intense enough to trigger sub space and your sub may require aftercare. Check before the scene what their aftercare needs are. Immediately after the scene make sure they are warm - a blanket would be fine - and have access to some kind of drink.

TYPES OF CLAMPS:CLOTHES PEGS

As I mentioned before, many of the clamps I'm going to mention you will have around the house. Let's look a clothes pegs first.

What have you got at your place? Plastic ones? Good, we can use them. But first I want to talk with you about wooden clothes pegs, which tend to be a bit milder, sensation wise. These are very common in BDSM play because they are practical - and also cheap, which means you can throw them out after a scene, if you play with more than one partner.

They come in various sizes:

The "regular" size, the one you are used to having around the house, is actually second from the left in that photo. The largest one and smaller ones you will find at craft stores. It's good to have a range of sizes because this changes their clamping strength. Keep an eye out for novelty wooden pegs, too. They can add greatly to your toykit:

You can see what I did to sol with those Xmas peg here. So back to the different sizes:

You can have a great time placing these all over the male genitals.

I think sol and I once reached 140 as our record!

The largest craft peg (the really big one) is very mild in sensation, although of course this depends where it's placed. As they decrease in size they become more deadly. My favorite size is the second smallest size, because they have a decent bite but can be tolerated. The tiny ones you only get a few on and your sub is yowling - sol describes the tiny pegs as "just evil" and as intense as Japanese clover clamps. We'll get to those in a minute....

If you only have access to regular size clothes pegs and you find the pressure too much (unmodified, regular size wooden clothespins grip with between four and six pounds of pressure over an area of about one-quarter by one-half inch) you need to find a way to reduce that pressure. I'd suggest weakening the springs of the peg by holding the peg open to it's limit with some type of clamp for a couple of days. This should reduce the clamping pressure by several pounds.

However, most of you will probably want more sensation rather than less....

OKAY THAT WAS FUN BUT HOWDO WE UP THE PRESSURE?

You lot are worse masochists than sol, honestly! Readers be warned, we are leaving the novice level part of the post behind now and are moving into the intermediate and advanced levels. Stop here if you'd like to go try the scene I mentioned, with wooden clothes pegs....

For those who desire more, the easiest way to increase the grip of wooden pegs is by wrapping the clamping end with elastic bands:

Different types of rubber band and different amounts of wrapping will vary the grip.

This might be a good time to check out the plastic pegs in your laundry. What do they look like? Pick one up an examine it, then open it. What I want you to look for is how it's constructed at the point where it grips. These ones below, can you see they have round grip area:

Sol also found these recently:

Their grip area looks like this:

By rights the top style with the round grip area should be more intense but we find the pegs are cheaply made and tend to twist - and that's bloody painful but not fun. The gray and white ones on the other hand are better made and the oval grip area provides excellent intense sensation.

This is why people call plastic pegs "more bitey" than wooden ones. In fact again sol compared them to Japanese clover clamps. So let's take a look at those:

We are getting into severe clamp play here. Can you see their grip in the photo above? It's ferocious. These you won't have sitting around the house LOL but I really do recommend you invest in a pair. They are invaluable, sol loves / hates them, I rarely have a scene where they are not used. You can purchase them online at places like JT's Stockroom.

Mostly they come attached via a chain like this, which makes nipple play perfect. I love the fact that pulling on the chain tightens the clamps even further (the center section, on which the chain is connected, tightens the ends when pulled):

With metal clamps, you can incorporate temperature play into the experience by chilling or warming the clamps before you use them. Which reminds me that temperature play and wax play are both good forms of play to follow on from clamps.

Want some more ideas to add sensation? Try adding a tiny piece of sandpaper to where the peg grips, with wooden pegs. Or if you really want extreme, insert a thumb tack into the peg. Sol made a very nasty little device doing that here:

When sol made this he told me it was "a two player game", he really could not play with this by himself. It was too painful. He once described it as "being like chili chocolate ... definitely got bite in it!". Here I am gently pressing the sharp bits into his nipple:

The nice thing about this design is that you can alter how much sharpness comes through. It means I can also bring this very scary looking device into play with other play partners, knowing that the internal sharp bits have been withdrawn ... "no no Mistress please don't!!" ... ah the power of the imagination!

MORE IDEAS WITH WOODEN PEGS:THE ZIPPER

Another terrific thing you can do with regular size wooden pegs is make a zipper:

You need to cut off about two meters of string, put a knot in one end, then thread the string through the center of the metal spring in one of the clothespins. Then run the peg down the string, and tie another knot on the other side. Some people like to leave more space between the pegs but because I like using them on sol's genitals I like the pegs as close as possible.

Repeat for however many pegs you want to string together. I have thirteen pegs in the example above, but why not start with five or six? And work up to more if your sub enjoys it. When you've placed your last peg, do a final knot and leave a piece a string at the end as a sort of handle, you might like to put a final knot in it - like on the left hand side of the photo above.

Here's how I use our zipper. Here I am placing the 13 peg zipper on sol's cock and balls. I'm carefully placing each peg on the seam that runs up his balls. I want to pull the zipper from the end I'm starting, so you can see the end of the string hanging below his balls:

Keep in mind that when you place the zipper you can use more skin to make your sub comfortable during placement - however when you remove the zipper that extra skin will hurt more. You also don't need to connect all the pegs on your zipper.

Now the zipper is in place and ready to go. You can heighten the anticipation for your sub by running your hands over the pegs:

And masturbating him. This keeps the pleasurable sensations high ... he also knows what's coming LOL:

You can pull the zipper off fast if you want, but being on the genitals (and being a sadist) I prefer to do things slowly. The first two have come off now .. see the stretch on the skin?:

You might like to move your hand from the thread at the end to the last peg removed, when you get down to the last few pegs, like this below, to stablize the tension when you pull:

Removing the zipper creates a sharp, fast pain. Or lots of short, sharp fast pain if you do it slowly. Afterwards you can reduce the pain by placing your palm flat over the area, or a cold cloth from your aftercare kit.

More advanced zipper play: you can play endless zipper games by adding more pegs and reducing the size of your pegs (therefore upping the pressure on some sections). You can use other types of clamps - Wiki even notes "A zipper can also be created with temporary piercing needles" but that I haven't tried!

OTHER ADVANCED CLAMP GAMES:THE RATCHET(or any kind of pully)

We have a ratchet attached near our bed - you might want to consider something like this, or some kind of pully system so you can indulge in serious clamp play. We enjoy attaching clover clamps to sol and the ratchet and winching up the latter:

Here's a game you might like to try:

"tie one end of a long piece of twine to a clothespin. Run the twine through a pully in the ceiling, and attach a weight to the other end. Clamp the clothespin on your partner's nipple (or any other suitable place!), and have your partner hold the twine in his or her teeth, so that if your partner lets go, the weight will fall and pull the clothespin off. Now, see if you can make your partner let go."

A FINAL CLAMP GAME:MAKING CLAMPS OUT OFBAMBOO SKEWERS(this one is easy!)

You'll need string and bamboo (BBQ or craft shop type) skewers. If you can't find these try chopsticks and rubber bands. Put two skewers together and tie at each end:

You should be able to put your fingers in like this, and feel the pressure on your fingers:

It won't feel intense. Make about a dozen tied pairs of skewers. Then for your first attempt, decorate sub's genitals with two pairs, like this:

For you second attempt (don't try this with chopsticks it will get too tricky), lie your sub down, torture his nipples for a while with the bamboo points:

Then slip as many skewers over his cock as you can.

He won't last too long, so make sure you get some good photos quickly!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

This post is part of theBody Modification Seriesand Edgeplay Series.Please don't read it if you are not interestedin needle play or piercings.

On Saturday we drove north to Brisbane to stay with our friends Mistress Angelicca and paddy. We had a full weekend planned, including a needles workshop organized by Satet.

You will find Satet's website here. She's one busy lady but like me, she has a sincere interest in BDSM education and holds workshops now and then at her home. Which has, I might add, an absolutely brilliantly equipped dungeon.

Now some readers might think needle play - temporary piercings done during a scene, sometimes called play piercings - is a bit too edgy to post about on a BDSM for beginners blog. But I disagree. It's a popular form of play, especially amongst kinksters seeking a fast endorphin release. As Wiki points out:

"Play piercing as part of a BDSMscene can produce an intense natural endorphin high which can last for hours and can induce orgasm in many of the people who experience it"

On the other hand you MUST take play piercings seriously. As Raven Shadowbourne observes:

"Play piercings are considered by many to be a form of edge play. They should not be done lightly and definitely not without some training in proper techniques. It is a very dangerous way to play. Certain safety procedures must be followed when engaging in such play. It is best to research such play, and witness such personally before attempting it on your own"

Which is why workshops like Satet's book up very quickly. This workshop was for basic and intermediate levels. I regard myself as VERY basic as I've only inserted needles once during play, and I think twice now have assisted with a needle play scene at play parties. This post is to give you an idea of what might happen if you attended a similar workshop.

Satet was very clear about what we had to bring to the workshop: pig's trotters! You can see sol working on ours below:

Yes, totally gross I'm sure, but it's a damn good way to practice before you start sticking needles in your sub lol.

Before we started the "practical" bit, Satet went through the technical side upstairs and she did an excellent job of it. Elianne's Needle play 101 and Sue J Abel's Play Piercing articles will give you the basics - but I repeat again, this is knowledge you have to go real time to access.

Then it was time to move downstairs and practice precision insertions on our trotters. Sol and I were lucky enough to have John as the instructor on our table (his partner Katty worked on another). John was a terrific teacher and gave us great tips as well as tricky tasks, such a lining up all the needles below towards his perpendicular centerpoint:

John very generously offered himself as a guinea pig for several students. This time Katty guided me. Here I am placing my first needle in John's back:

Now I'm finished, the last of the five is now in - I want you to appreciate how straight those little bastards are, readers LOL:

Then it was time to try placing needles in sol. This was a moment of truth for us. We hoped sol, with his high pain threshold, would find the sensation play to his liking. But we had no guarantee of how he'd react.

Again, John guided me: four needles aligned, one over the one on the far left (which increases the pressure on the bottom needle and ups the intensity of sensation) and the final needle on the right was woven in twice:

Sol found the experience interesting. His endorphins kicked in VERY fast. So he's definitely interested in further needle play! Who knows, you might also find it's something you want to try some day....

sol and Ms160 would like to thank Satet, John and Katty for sharing their time, expertise and passion!

Education is very important to me, and as many visitors to my blog come specifically for my BDSM For Beginners series I thought I would copy the series - and other BDSM educational material - onto this blog, so that you can find everything a little more easily.

How do you use this blog? First, read my What is this blog about? post. Then check out the "What sort of info do you need?" list under this one, to see if any of the topics mentioned are of interest. Follow the links if so. You can also run your eye down the detailed Labels list. If you would like me to cover something specific in the BDSM For Beginners series, please drop me a line in the cbox below :).

Because I am part of the kinky community in Australia the blog often promotes local educational events here in Oz. However I'm happy to promote any educational / kinky events readers bring to my attention.

You can return to Mistress160's Abode here. You can also visit my new blog on Kink Culture here.

WHAT SORT OF INFO DO YOU NEED???? HERE ARE SOME OF MS160'S MOST POPULAR POSTS:

JUST STARTING TO PLAY? TRY THESE IDEAS:NOTE: The Practicalities of Play (For New Dominants) series has been taken down pending an intellectual property dispute (someone is trying to publish them in their own name) so drop me a line if you want to discuss any of these things. I also run a "D/s for New Dominants" workshop that covers them.Practicalities of play: Finding a play partnerPracticalities of play: Creating a play space and a toy boxPracticalities of play: Learning to playPracticalities of play: How to run a scenePracticalities of play: Dressing dominantPracticalities of play: D/s techniques for new dominants

"On the subject of information, Mistress160 has an array of "BDSM for Beginners" posts that discuss just about everything, from meeting like minded people to accessory selection [you will find a list of titles in the LABELS list below]. The resources that Mistress160 uses are extensive, and kudos to her…"(for complete review see Dark Scribe, 3 March 2007)

"This is a particularly excellent blog for beginners to BDSM. In fact, Ms160 has a phenomenal series created especially for beginners with more information in one place than I’ve ever really seen. Good stuff folks. Give her a look"Carrie AnnA View From the Floor "Blogs I Love"

"Just wanted to thank you for what you've done with your blog and with Fetish Lore ... you manage to present everything in a comfortable, matter-of-fact way that really helped [my wife] ... both sites have helped because they give us a nice touchstone, and a place to ask questions in a newbie friendly environment ... I don't know how often you hear this, but for these two "beginners," we wouldn't be half as on the ball without your blog"Belisarius, Nov 2007 (quoted with permission)

Thanks for all you do for the promotion of what I think of as "good kink," and your love of us subbies. It means more than you know"Quietlisten, Jan 2008 (quoted with permission)

"Thanks to Mistress160 for hosting [at her Forced Fem group on MDS] and for her wonderful articles on how to meet a Dom/me. Comfy, warm, well-lit places where one feels safe and at home can be hard to find on the 'net, but it seems wherever Mistress160 goes, that's what you'll find. Okay, enough gushing... Mistress160 rules! Oh, wait, sorry... end of gushing, I swear"Quietlisten Jan 2008 Forced Fem group Intros"Mistress160 ... runs what is probably the best informational blog about BDSM in the entire region, and has been doing so for quite a while"maymay April 2008 Maybe Maimed But Never Harmed

"You've helped me overcome a choking fear of myself. I can think about all of the kinky ideas that I've dreamed about, without having an anxiety attack of worry"copper 3 May 08

"Thanks for the great info on drop, both for tops and bottoms. Its helped me and my exsub through a painful breakup, and may have saved our friendship."Unen Theilmytholen 14 Sept 08 via cbox

My sincere thanks for a very informative site ... even a quick look around gave me tonnes of new ideas to try on my sub boy! Where do you get all these wonderful ideas? [When] stress and tiredness slow down [my imagination] I can always tap into your cornucopia of ideas! MsD 31 Dec 08 c box

"I remain amazed at the diversity you two exhibit! That blog had me thinking very nasty thoughts Ms160... sol is a lucky guy to have such a deliciously deviant Domme!"billc393 - CollarNcuffs forum (Jan 2009)

Mistress 160's blog is excellent and a really good resource. One that Owner and i found very helpful and informative when we were first starting out a few years back, and she is a wonderful person too. Very envious of the lovely place her and sol have.poppet's blog - comments (May 2009)

"well thought out, well written, and highly valuable ... the class had a profound impact on me and my self-perception ... your blending of sexual imagery with commands during the lessons was exquisite" (QL)

"this course has shown me that it is possible to do things i otherwise would have never done ... you will always have a place in my heart" (t)

Ms160 offers real time workshops and retreats, as well as online educational programs open to all kinky orientations. You'll find all the details on the new BDSM Education page :)

WANT TO ENTER ONE OF MISTRESS160's PHOTO CONTESTS (photo above)?

We have enormous fun!

Ms160 holds photo contests for male subs at her Forced Feminization group at My Dungeon Space. You will need to be a member of the group to enter the contest: join MyDungeonSpace for free, and then join Ms160's Forced Fem group.