Taking Care of You

Tips and Support for the Cancer Caregiver

by Joanne Corbo Cruz, MSW, LMSW, ACT

When my mom was diagnosed
with Stage IV breast cancer
in 1999, my life and my
family’s lives changed. Each day after
that was different, not taken for granted
and very precious. It truly brought my
family closer.

We decided in a family meeting that
we needed to pull together for my mom.
As my mom fought and won and continued
to manage her cancer, we fought
and won right beside her. She was
cancer-free for several years. However,
just last year, we had to put on our boxing
gloves again for another fight. And
along every step of the way, we supported
her in going to treatment and
appointments. We prayed with her; we
laughed with her and with each other.

But with all the focus on taking care
of my mom and the rest of my family,
it was easy for me to forget about myself
and my needs. It didn’t dawn on
me to stop and ask myself how I was
doing. My sister would occasionally
ask me how I was, and I always gave
a guarded response of “I’m well. How
are you?” It was easy to deflect personal
questions so that I didn’t have to
process painful thoughts or emotions or
acknowledge whatever I was struggling
with that day.

After prolonged periods of not prioritizing
my needs, I eventually came
down with colds
more frequently
and became
increasingly
irritable and
tired. I quickly
learned that
if I wasn’t
physically,
emotionally,
mentally, and
spiritually
healthy, I could not be an effective
caregiver for my mom. If I didn’t
allow myself to ask for help, seek support,
and rely on my friends and other
family members, I would be emotionally
fatigued, not to mention physically
ill and spiritually drained.

As each day passes, my mom’s
cancer has taken a significant toll on
her spirits and her body. This means
more physical care, companionship,
prayer, and strength are required from
me and my family. This also means
more coordinating of care, advocating
for her needs, being more assertive on
her behalf and more direct with requests,
and becoming more resourceful to help
conserve finances and energy.

I quickly learned that
if I wasn’t physically,
emotionally, mentally,
and spiritually healthy,
I could not be an effective
caregiver for my mom.

Joanne Cruz

Caring for my mom has called for
a special strength and a previously untapped
emotional fortitude from within.
I believe this strength and fortitude resides
in each and every family caregiver.
I believe it’s what helps keep me and my
family, along with the millions of other
caregivers across the nation, going.

If you find yourself in a similar situation,
having to take on the role of cancer
caregiver, here is some advice to help
you care for yourself so that you can in
turn give care and support to your loved
one with cancer:

Caregiving is a job, and respite is
your earned right. Reward yourself
with respite breaks often.

Watch out for signs that you are experiencing
depression, and don’t delay
in getting professional help when you
need it. Depression is a treatable medical
condition.

When people offer to help, accept
the offer and suggest specific things
they can do.

Educate yourself about your loved
one’s condition and about how to communicate
effectively with doctors. Ask
for information from the doctor or do
research online.

There’s a difference between caring
and doing. Be open to technologies and
ideas that promote your loved one’s independence,
such as having a motorized
lift at home to help with transferring
your loved one.

Trust your instincts. Most of the time,
they’ll lead you in the right direction.
If you’re not sure, ask for help.

Caregivers often do a lot of lifting,
pushing, and pulling. Be good to your
back. I’m always reminded to lift with
my legs, not my back. Practicing yoga,
stretching, and doing conditioning exercises
is beneficial.

Grieve your losses, and then allow
yourself to dream new dreams.

Seek support from other caregivers.
There is great strength in knowing you’re
not alone. Going to support groups and
talking with other caregivers gives comfort
at times when we feel alone in our
caregiving.

Stand up for your rights as a caregiver.
Support movements on a policy
level to help family caregivers get
more support.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Joanne Corbo Cruz is a Licensed
Social Worker who works for Health
Care Partners, a skilled home care service
in Michigan. She is an active member of
the National Family Caregivers Association
and volunteer member of its grassroots
organization Caregiver Community Action
Network.

For more resources and support
for family caregivers, visit the National
Family Caregivers Association website,
thefamilycaregiver.org.

This article was published in Coping® with Cancer magazine,
January/February
2010.