Mind-Blowing Sex Tips

Many a guy has paid Linda Poelzl to improve his sex life, but she's not part of the world's oldest profession. She's a surrogate sex partner who helps men, women, and couples up their bedroom skills by getting her own body in on the action. Now, the upcoming film The Sessions, starring Helen Hunt as a sex surrogate, is bringing Poelzl's unusual job to the forefront.

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Poelzl works in tandem with licensed therapists, who help determine if and how she'll be touching a client. At her San Francisco office, she does sometimes give hand jobs to or have intercourse with male clients, but with women, she shows them how to touch themselves or experiment with sex toys. For couples, Poelzl often watches them bump and grind so she can see what's amiss and tell them when to touch this, not that, to get the results they crave. While you may never sit in her waiting room, her experiences can help anyone who's ever thought their sex life could use some expert assistance. Here, she shares her insights on, and remedies for, five common sex problems.

He Gets Off Too Quickly One of the most typical issues Poelzl deals with is premature ejaculation. "Women think that if a guy comes quickly, it's because he's just so turned on," she says. "But it's often because he's scared or anxious" about the relationship--he could even be preoccupied with trying to make you climax.

Home School: Ease his mind by letting him know it's OK to linger on the way to the finish line. Poelzl does this with slow hand jobs, "having [the men] tell me how close they are to orgasm on a scale from zero to 10," she says. Her goal is to get a guy to hang out for 15 minutes at about a 6 on that scale (laywomen needn't imitate Poelzl's professional stamina). At home, having him shout out numbers might be awkward. Get a similar effect by telling your guy that you want to make him feel good for as long as possible--then start your manual stimulation or oral sex and ask him to warn you when he's on the way to orgasm so you can ease up.

Extra Credit: "Stroke up his belly and chest or down the thighs during the hand job," says Poelzl. "It should calm down the urgency."

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You Don't Orgasm at All Poelzl's female clients often have the opposite problem: not being able to orgasm. You've no doubt heard many vague tips about this before, like "Just relax." But Poelzl has explicit advice. "Some women who think they're not orgasmic are having teeny orgasms--just not the screaming ones you see in movies," she says. To strengthen them, Poelzl teaches women to use breath, movement, and sound.

Home School: During sex, a lot of us take nervous, shallow breaths, but Poelzl says you need full, deep belly inhales to feel comfortable. Then start moving. Poelzl recommends rocking your pelvis by gently squeezing your butt muscles and tilting your pelvis up. When you press back down, arch your back. As for sound, making noise helps you be more expressive with your body as well. "Start small, with an audible sigh," she says.

One of You Needs to Step Up Your Skills Poelzl recalls the misguided attempts of one new bride: "She would grab her husband's penis and jab her tongue into his urethral opening," she says. "He didn't like it but didn't know what else to ask for, so I showed her moves on a dildo." For guys, bad technique often centers around being rough or hurrying. "I tell men, 'Before you get in there wiggling your fingers around, warm her up,'" says Poelzl.

Home School: An easy blow-job booster is to wrap your hand around the base of his penis and pull down slightly so the skin is taut. In return, Poelzl suggests a man put his hand over the woman's vulva, with his palm on the mound and his fingers hanging down toward the vagina. "It makes a woman want more, because he's not just digging around down there before she's ready," she says.

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Extra Credit: Once his hand is in place, have him try a vulvar massage, moving the heel of his palm back and forth a tiny bit over the area, quickly, to send waves to the clitoris.

He Can't Get Excited Without Porn If he needs more than a few deep kisses and a glimpse of your thigh to get turned on, pulling out all the stops in bed isn't necessarily the answer, says Poelzl. Many times a guy has to tackle this on his own.

Home School: "If he only masturbates while sitting in a chair at his computer, he needs to change that," she says. First assignment? No-porn masturbation. "I tell guys to get on the bed and touch themselves all over, simply feeling the sensations," she says. "Most men think this is strange at first, but they're often surprised by how much they enjoy it. Some guys find erogenous zones they weren't aware of before."

Extra Credit: Tell him your fantasies. "That's better than porn," says Poelzl. "It gets a guy in his imagination rather than staring at a screen."

He Goes Soft in the Middle of Sex It's deflating, but guys of all ages can lose their erections, says Poelzl. Barring medical issues, most young guys go soft because they're nervous or feeling weird about something that's happened. He could be concerned about an argument you two had or even about something at work.

Home School: Act as if it's as ho-hum an occurrence as his forgetting to buy dish soap. "Take a break," says Poelzl. "Acknowledge, relax, and connect, and the erection will probably come back." If you'd prefer a sneakier tack, "tell him that you're going to touch him all over and that under no circumstances should he get hard. It often works."

Extra Credit: Accessorize his penis with a soft latex ring. "Stretch it around the base of his shaft to slow the outflow of the blood so it gives a firmer erection and helps him keep it longer," says Poelzl. "It also makes the penis stick out, so visually it's fun."

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The Two Most Important Sex-tras

A vibrator. . . Newbies note: A vibrator may give you the kind of clitoral stimulation that most women need in order to get off. Poelzl suggests bringing whatever model size you like, from unobtrusive to extra large, to bed with you and your partner. Use it yourself during sex when you're on top for a faster, more intense orgasm, or hand it to him to help you finish after he's satisfied.

. . . and a little lube. Even if your turn-on dial is up to 11, women benefit from extra lubrication during intercourse. For easy cleanup, Poelzl recommends water-based serums like Liquid Silk or Astroglide. But if you're putting it on him only (for hand jobs, for example), she prefers silicone-based Gun Oil, which never gets tacky. "But it stains the sheets, so look out for that," she says. "I'm a stickler for clean sheets."

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