It’s Not What You Say It’s How You Say It

Ever try to talk to someone, expressing an opinion that the person you’re talking to is not getting it? Not only is this person not getting it, they may have a completely opposite point of view. Once you’ve determined the person is not receptive to what you have to say, you might consider to assert yourself risking a full on debate which could lead to war, or clam up and walk away in an effort to avoid any potential conflict.

It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It

On the other hand, you can assert your ideas, concepts, and beliefs in such as way so as not to alienate the person (or people) you are trying to express your ideals to. I think finding a way to speak your truth is important. You need to say what you need to say but say it in a way that it won’t turn someone away.

You need to possess the self-confidence to assert yourself in certain circumstances. For sensitive or introverted personality types this can be a challenge. For those who are more sensitive, you need to get a grip on who you are. You are an amazing person who has been blessed with the opportunity to be here. You have accepted the life challenge which has brought you to this place and time to say what you want to say. It’s up to you to accept the challenge and speak your piece.

You are a unique individual who has come to this planet a purpose, message, passion, and mission to share and fulfill. You came here with special skills and abilities, everything you could possibly need to achieve your highest and best, live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place. Step into who you know you are and boldly go forth into the world, ready and willing to speak up when it is necessary or prudent.

It takes courage, and you can prepare for this higher level of sharing by practicing your sharing skills in private. Yes, just you and your mirror, or record your own audio and/or video. Review your delivery, and tweak accordingly. This can be a huge confidence-builder in terms of strengthening your assertion skills. Practice is good.

Defending your position, when you’re faced with someone with an opposing view is tricky business. This is where most people fall apart, isolate their audience, potentially bully, and prevent any hope of meaningful conversation. If you assert yourself too forcefully, the person you’re talking to is either going to post up for a debate or shut down. Anything you say after that is falling on dead ears and is not only a waste of your time; it is counterproductive because your defense tactic is too offensive. You’ve potentially hurt their feelings, bullied them, repelled your audience and sent them (metaphorically) running in the opposite direction that you intended.

Be mindful of the delivery of your message. Don’t raise your voice when you’re approached with opposing views, or use words or phrases that will alienate or put the person you’re trying to talk to on the defensive, such as tossing shoulds at your audience. “You should,” causes the person to position for battle. No one likes to be told what they “should” do, and just as importantly avoid using should-related terms, like shouldn’t, must, mustn’t, need to, has to, only if, or only when.

Awfulizing statements (a phrase coined by Albert Ellis) refers to words and phrases associated with the word “awful” which causes your audience to put on their armor and prepare for battle. Awfulizing uses the word “awful,” as wells as other words and phrases like terrible, horrible, it bothers me, I can’t stand it when, or I hate it, etc…

Don’t punish your listener by framing your message with punishment, even if it’s directed to others outside of the conversation. This is a sensitive topic of conversation which causes the listener to reach for weapons to ready themselves for battle, so avoid saying someone deserves to be punished, should be “taught a lesson,” or needs to know what it feels like. Including the damnation of others, or yourself.

Also avoid using constrictive or limiting words that are 100% exclusive, allowing no other possibilities, such as always or never.

Be open and honest without being offensive. You don’t have to be rude or resort to name-calling. Just say what you mean without compromising but do it in a kind and gentle manner. Assert yourself while remaining calm and centered as you share your message as you are being courteous, compassionate, and use a tender tone of voice, without having to be aggressive or disrespectful to your audience.

Try to speak the language of the person that you’re trying to talk to. Try to see your message from their point of view. Imagine what if might like to be this person, having lived the life they lived, dealing with circumstances and situation, which you may have no reference to. Consider having walked a mile in this person’s shoes. Then think about what presentation might be the best approach for trying to compassionately communicate with someone like this.

Listen to your audience’s opposing view with compassion, essentially seeing it with their eyes, from their point of view. Seek to understand first, then ask yourself, “If I were this person, what would I need to hear?” How would you need to hear it in order to be the most receptive?

It’s so important to say what you need to say, because if you don’t you give away your power and deny your divinity, So, say what you need to say but say it in way that you can continue to achieve your highest and best, live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.