Taking a look at the facts of domestic violence

Posted on June 15, 2015

On average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States — more than 12 million women and men over the course of a year. Nearly half of all women and men in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 85% of domestic violence victims are women.

Witnessing violence between one’s parents or caretakers is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. 30% to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household.

The first two years after a woman leaves she is at very high risk for being killed by her partner. The violence increases over time. Telling a woman to leave is extremely judgmental and basically dangerous if a safety plan has not been worked out. Many individuals have neither the financial or psychological resources to leave. Marital therapy is not the recommended treatment for abusers. They need anger management and treatment for behavioral control.

It is not that we expect people to never get mad at each other or argue. Anger is a normal feeling. It is what we do with our anger that matters. We need to help people recognize their feelings and become better problem solvers without the use of violence, physical or emotional.

Too many of us are willing to put up with abusive behaviors in the name of love, out of fear or even thinking that these behaviors are normal. Here are the Red Flags of Abusers:

- Jealousy
- Controlling behavior
- Quick involvement with very intense courtship
- Unrealistic expectations
- Isolation from family and friends
- Blames others for all his/her problems
- Blames others for his/her feeling
- Hypersensitivity
- Cruelty to animals or children
- “Playful” use of force during sex that makes the partner feel uncomfortable or having sex with sleeping partner
- Verbal abuse
- Rigid sex roles
- Jekyll and Hyde personality
- Past history of battering
- Threats of violence
- Breaking, striking objects and/or throwing things
- Any force/intimidation during an argument ex: “You will do as I say” or “You will listen to me”

If you are in a relationship where these things are occurring please see or talk to someone trained in working with victims of intimate partner violence.