I'm a SAHM of three girls...for now. My first daughter is my Journalist: 9 going on 30. The twins are 4, off to PreK, and pushing every limit they can. Some moms are totally cut out for the stay at home life. Me? It varies on any given day. Staying sane is of primary importance, and this is one of my attempts at doing so! Please note: I only use my daughters’ initials in posts – who knows how long this stuff will be on the internet? Thank you for respecting my decision!!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

World's Meanest Mom...again...

Cruel mother that I am, I required that the twins sit on the potty before we left to pick up big sister from the bus. I figured they could sit for 15 minutes and...who knows? Twin B is starting to show success, although Twin A is hit-or-miss. I suggested that to pass the time they could sing together. Twin B was quite amenable to the entire situation, but Twin A wasn't having it. She'll be DAMNED if she does ANYTHING without a fight. I mean ANYTHING. We are so incredibly, painfully, awfully 3...

Twin B gets to work immediately and begins to sing the Alphabet song. Twin A? She stomps her feet. She protests, moaning and grunting about the injustice of it all. She goes boneless. I offer her the choice of sitting on her potty or a spanking. She relents slightly, going to her potty, although she lets me know in NO uncertain terms that the Geneva Convention would NOT consider this appropriate...

Twin B is now singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider." Twin A is bending over to examine the floor as though it is suddenly of incredibly interest. I tell Twin A to sit up and sing. She sits up slightly, whines, and flops over on her side. Again, I tell her to sit up and sing. Frankly, I don't care if she sings. However, when their minds are on something other than urinating I find they actually complete the deed. I also find a higher success rate when they are sitting upright...as well as a lower potential for needing to clean the floor and surrounding areas...

Twin A isn't having it. She is enduring this torture, but she's not about to go without a fight. I'm really losing my temper. All three of my kids are in this phase where nothing can go unchallenged. Apparently they don't agree with Socrates - re-examination of your life every 7 years (or 5, or whatever) just isn't soon enough. It should be every 3 months! I am doing my best to be patient, but we're in what my mom calls the "Chopped-Liver" phase. Every day all I hear is, "Where's Daddy? (or Gama or Gapa or Uncle Tim or Aunt Glynda or ANYONE BUT YOU, MOM!!!)" Logically, I get it. Emotionally, I've had it. Just once it would be nice to be appreciated. And big sister is HARD CORE into this helpless, ditzy phase. "Oh? We keep it there? In the same place it has been since I was born? And I just used it 20 minutes ago? But how was I supposed to know where it is? And can you get it for me? 'Cause I'm just SO HELPLESS..." *bat bat*

OK, so enough of a pity party. Twin B has moved on to "Swinging on a Star." I am folding clothing as this is going on, and I've decided that Twin A WILL SING EVEN IF IT KILLS HER!!! So I reach out with the t-shirt in my hand and wave it at her head, intending to brush her pony tail, and say, "START SINGING RIGHT NOW!!" Only...I miss. I brush her ear. And perhaps "brush" is a bit kind of a term. "Swack" might have a slightly truer ring. Don't call DFACS! It was an accident. They'll take her away...oh...wait...
Twin A is SHOCKED! She grabs her ear and sits up straight, sucking in air. She wails for a second. And then she starts belting out "Swinging on a Star" as though there is no tomorrow. I mean, SCREAMING this song. "A PIG IS AN ANIMAL WITH DIRT ON HIS FACE...*deeeeeeeeep breath*....HIS SHOES ARE A TERRIBLE DISGRACE!" She yells it so loudly that Twin B falls off her potty in shock. I can't help it. I bury my face in the t-shirt and laugh so hard I'm crying. Where is my video recorder when I need it?!? Twin B gingerly returns to her potty and resumes singing, although at a much softer level than her sister...who is trying to be heard in New York, apparently.

Oh I am so MEAN! ;-)

FYI: Yes, they both peed in their potties before time was up. Wouldn't you?

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About Me

I have three kids, a cat, and a wonderful husband whom I love! My activities include playing bassoon in a local band, participating in a multiples club, teaching PreK Sunday School, volunteering with the PTA at C's school, and teaching adult ESL with my church. In my former life I taught social studies to kids learning English as a second language, so now I volunteer with the ESOL program at C's school. I live in a house the size of a postage stamp - seriously, you could lick it and put it on a letter, but you'd probably have to add a few cents, since it's not a "Forever"...
I'm a blessed woman, but as the proverb warns, I lead an interesting life!