Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

(It is Thanksgiving Day. I am calling a customer who left a message that he wants to ‘complain.’)

Customer: “I pay for a 24/7, 365-day contract and you’re closed just because it’s a holiday.”

Me: “Actually, we’re not closed. In fact, you and I are talking on the phone, right now.”

Customer: “I think I should get a credit or something free because you’re not open.”

Me: “Except that we ARE OPEN.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve wasted my time calling if you’re open because you’re supposed to be closed. How are you going to compensate me?”

Me: “Just to make sure I understand: You’re calling on a day that you think we’re closed, in order to complain that we’re closed in an attempt to get something for free, but when you realized that we’re open, the exact thing you wanted, you’d like to complain and get something for free because you wasted your time calling to complain about something that didn’t happen?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “Was there a technical problem that you needed help with in the first place?”

(I am working the sporting goods department of a huge, multinational retailer. I’m stocking fishing gear and cleaning up my aisle as I’m approached by a creaky-boned geriatric, clutching her cart for stability as her walker is stowed in it. With bleary, watery eyes behind huge, thick granny-glasses staring at me, she croaks out:)

Customer: “Where are your nipples?”

Me:*dumbfounded* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your NIPPLES! Where are your NIPPLES?”

Me:*stunned silence*

Customer:*perhaps used to deal with people who are hard of hearing* “YOUR BABY BOTTLES AND YOUR NIPPLES! WHERE ARE THEY?”

Me: “Oh! Our infant’s section is in the opposite corner of the store.”