I Feel Bad When I Eat

I have a love/hate relationship with food! I love to eat, I love pizza and speghetti, cheese enchaladas and caramel! French fries are amazing, but I started counting calories in order to live a healthier life and now I am obsessed. I get overwhelmed and I cry if I get hungry or I go over my alotted calorie intake for the day. Heart disease runs in my family and I want to decrease my chances of having it, I am a single mother and I just want to give my daughter the best in life and being healthy is part of it. I have been "over weight" my whole entire life in doctors eyes, even at my smallest i was 140 and I am 5 "2, I am not 182! I hate myself, but at the same time I do not look at myself and see someone that is huge and I dont feel as big as I am...i dont know what to do, i know i need to eat to keep myself on track to staying healthy but i just dont want to when i think about not reaching my goal weight or gaining weight! HELP!

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26-300
May 31, 2009

More often than not I can eat all I want and not feel bad, but lately I've felt more compelled to give in to an old middle school habit of mine.
My eating disorder, though mild, was a huge part of my identity in eighth grade. Sometimes I worry that people won't believe that a 13...