I Will Stand: A New Facebook Ministry to Raise Abuse Awareness

The following article introduces us to a new Facebook page ministry called I Will Stand. We are glad to endorse it and our readers are encouraged to go on over and pay them a visit! The link is at the end of this article.

I Will Stand

Statistics show that 1 in 4 women will be abused in their lifetime, in some way. Researchers believe that number is actually much higher, because many women never report their experience, and therefore, aren’t accounted for in those statistics. Abuse is real and it’s a pervasive problem in our society today. No one, if they know what it truly is, is untouched by it in their lives or in the lives of someone they know. Yet it is largely ignored, pushed aside and danced around by law enforcement, courts, churches and even family and friends.

Abuse isn’t about anger. It’s about control and entitlement. It’s one person controlling the behaviors and actions and even the thoughts of another, so that the victim is under total submission to the will of the abuser. The abuser will play mind games, degrade, humiliate, embarrass, harass, assault and manipulate their victim, in many, many different ways, in order to maintain that control over them.

There is emotional abuse, physical abuse, spiritual abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse and more. Many of these are so subtle, that people don’t know what is happening to them, until they have been under complete control for years and years.

The church as a whole, tends to perpetuate this, by misusing Scriptures on submission of women and by misinterpreting the Bible on the topic of divorce. They time and again, counsel the victim to stay with the abuser, and that love and forgiveness will change them. But what we know is that only God can change an individual’s heart, and if that heart is hardened against that change, they will not stop, the abuse will continue and in fact, in most cases, will get worse. Statistics show that very few abusers ever genuinely repent and change their ways. Yet the church at large, still forces women to make the choice to stay in a situation that is killing them, or have to leave the church and be shunned by them.

I Will Stand is about standing with people who have been or are being abused. It’s about taking a stand against abuse, in all of its’ forms and it’s about standing in the gap, to support women who have been rejected by the larger church community, after leaving their abusive situations. It’s about standing with them, to change these churches and show them that they are wrong in rejecting the victim for choosing to leave their marriage, while supporting their abuser with open arms. We want to show these women that God loves them too much to make them suffer in an abusive marriage that will not change.

We are an organization who wants to educate teens and young adults about the warning signs of abuse, so that they can stand against falling prey to this evil in their future relationships and we seek also to educate those who are being abused and don’t even realize it yet.

We are passionate about seeking total change in the hearts and minds of those who would otherwise have turned their backs and ignored the problem, so that they can instead, reach out to and support those who are suffering with the effects of this evil. We are asking the questions, “Will you stand with us? Will you stand against abuse and for the many people who live in it or have lived in it every day? Will you stand and tell your leaders, your churches, your communities, that this problem will never go away, if we all just pretend it doesn’t exist? Will you stand for your neighbor, your daughter, your sister, who can’t stand for themselves? Will you stand and call abuse for the evil that it really is? Will you stand and say with us, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH??”
(End Note: I Will Stand is a charity, birthed out of 17 years of personal experience of abuse, as well as story after story of people coming out of abusive relationships, and telling of how they were not believed, how they were condemned for leaving and how over and over again, they were not supported and often shunned and rejected at the very time they needed the most help. It was set up to help stop abuse, and stop the rejection of those who have been abused by society and especially the church.)

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We are pleased to be co-workers and friends with this ministry. The people running it have a passion to expose the evil tragedy of domestic abuse in the church and to support victims. They have only been going for a short while but already have a very large number of Facebook followers, which shows how much skill they have in using social media for positive and righteous goals.

Recently I was working with my pre-teen daughters on reading; we found a story on the internet targeted for young people entitled, “A Beautiful Man” by Sharron Scott. It is on a website and free for download and review at http://www.freethingsforenglishteachers.com It is a story about a young college woman who describes her friend of 20+ years that abuses his girlfriend. She recommends counseling for him, but he states that “shaking his girlfriend” is different than if he would have done something more violent, therefore he justified that he didn’t need help. She broke off her friendship with him, but his girlfriend whom he abuses goes back to him. This is a wonderful story for discussion with young people. I wish there were more of these.

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A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Abuse Hides in Your Church

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Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion

What is Abuse?

The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.

The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.

* Sometimes the genders are reversed.

Can Abusers Change?

To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.

Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.

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The Gospel

Triggers Are Not a Sign of Unforgiveness

Triggering has to do with those emotions hidden away, along with memories, all stuffed by trauma in various secret compartments of the brain. Unforgiveness on the other hand is not so much emotion as it is the seeking of vengeance upon someone, rather than leaving it to God. The two are really quite different. You can have forgiven someone, but still get triggered.