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Summer Lovin': How to Bring Your A-Game to Tri

You said it: Couples on the course, stay the course. Feel the love with these three pointers.

by Lisa Dolbear

We took a recent poll on our Facebook page to see how people felt about training with their significant others. The result? Most of you believe it’s true: "The couple that trains together, stays together."

As you head into the summer season, the weather might not be the only thing that’s heating up. Whether you’re experiencing the sizzle of a new romance, or the burn of a stressful union, follow these tips to make sure you’re putting multisport to the multi-tasking test. It may just be good for your A-race and your A-game.

Tip 1: Share more than just sweat

One of the top reasons cited for training with your sweetie was the opportunity it provided to work through life together—the good times and the bad. Says Christopher Monroe, "After the death of our 20-year old son, my wife and I committed to training together for IRONMAN Wisconsin in 2012. We started and finished together. We’re stronger as a pair."

Many of us take to our long runs or rides to dial back from the insanity of the rest of our lives. Even when couples head out to train separately, the opportunity to connect over the experience is still there. Says Jessica Gumkowski, "I don't have to explain why my training takes so much of me, he already knows why because he's experiencing it too. It's about remembering that he is as exhausted as I am many nights and maybe I can do one extra thing to lighten his load. It has deepened our connection as a couple."

For Melissa Evans Morris, the shared understanding is one of the best things about being part of a multisport couple. "It’s always nice to have someone to bounce ideas off, commiserate with, and most importantly—(be my) sherpa and support!" And it’s always nice to have the anchor of triathlon as that common interest and bond. "Our marriage is solid like a rock," says Astrid Stroms, who often hears from other people that their spouses don’t "get it" or complain of the sport's expenses. "We love spending time together and cheering each other on. Triathlon has become our lifestyle," she adds.

Tip 2: Respect each other’s goals

Many commenters suggested that while training together is a wonderful thing, racing together was not quite as favorable. "As long as we alternate IRONMAN races, we’re fine," says Jamie Cocke Clark. "With three kids, we can’t both do a 140.6–mile race the same year." Sarah Groesbeck agrees: "Train together, but not for the same race if you can help it." The burden of prioritizing two people’s training needs for the same race can upset the delicate balance in a multisport household. Says Amanda Tyner, "If you can pull that off, chances are you can get through most situations life throws at you."

Often, training schedules will dictate a different focus for each person based on race distance and athletic ability. The key to tag-teaming training is finding opportunities where both people can get what they need out of the time together, even if it’s only for part of the workout. That’s exactly what Anthony Perkins does, whose wife just got into running. "We head out together and I use that time as a warm up. When she's done, I pick up my pace and focus on my training," he says.

Says Heather Wahlquist Neely, "We both do IRONMAN races…but if we actually trained together each day? Oh boy." Respecting your partner’s unique training needs is part of the deal when it comes to sharing workouts. Not everyone is suited to the competitive fire that can flare up while swimming, biking and running with others. As Susie Kelly says, "Don’t chick your guy…every time." Respect what your partner needs to accomplish in the workout, and if it seems too tricky to tackle together, go your separate ways. "For us it’s a matter of planning and taking turns," says Carmen Gil Brahim. "Much like marriage, training together is about compromise."

Tip 3: Know when to throw in the towel

Not all multisport romance is destined for the long course—sometimes the flame burns out before we even rack our bikes and hear the cannon go off. Athletes know their bodies—and if you know yours isn’t capable of managing the rigors of relationships and training at the same time, it might be best to avoid mixing business with pleasure.

Ben Corner couldn’t think of anything worse than dating another triathlete. "It would be an earache 24/7. I enjoy my time and I think it’s better that way." Ben Miralia agrees. "You have to have something else to focus on besides training all the time. You would drive each other crazy."

Ronald Moe learned the hard way—experiencing multi-heartbreak in multisport. "Both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend were triathletes. Notice the 'ex' in front of each. It didn’t work for me, but I’d still date a triathlete again." Well, there is a certain amount of pain and suffering that comes with IRONMAN, right? Chris Beuer is willing to take that risk. "If only there was a singles booth at the IRONMAN expo," he muses.

Lisa Dolbear is a three-time IRONMAN and USAT Level 1 coach. Visit her blog on mental skills training at trimojo.com