The Slammys, for those of you who don't know, are…well, I'll let the WWE take it from here. "For 25 years, one award has represented excellence in entertainment." That's right. The mothereffin' Slammy. It's all anyone can ever talk about. Who will win this prestigious prize? To hell with all those other awards that are given honestly to people who make the world a better and brighter place with their talents and acumen. Of course, I kid a bit. The Slammys are harmless. The "ceremonies" are painful, but there are plenty of "legit" awards out there that are also pretty feckless. The People's Choice Awards are coming up, and sometimes an actor or movie that I actually like pops up as a nominee, but I'd never vote for them since it would mean that I might accidentally win them a People's Choice Awards.

Cena won a Slammy for Biggest Something or Other That Happened and came out and said that his match against The Rock would change the game forever. Unless these two planned on battling on the moon with laser cats, I don't really know how any kind of "game" in wrestling can be changed. They are two big stars and they will headline WrestleMania. They will do the moves that we all know they can do. Someone will probably go through a table. The ref might get bumped. How will this change the landscape of the business?

Game changer.

Yes, I'm getting way too caught up in the WWE's usual ferocious brand-specific hyperbole, but these are the things that you notice when you become an older wrestling fan who probably should have outgrown this s*** years ago. You fixate. Because it's all so forced. And you just have to smile and accept it for what it is. And you for who you are. Maybe the Slammys ARE the most important award ever bestowed upon a human being? Maybe The Rock vs. Cena WILL change the entire world? Maybe Jake Gyllenhaal's food IS his best and only friend?

So the Slammys are pretty much just a way to look back at the year and do the whole "Remember when?" thing. It's fine. We got to see Mick Foley, Lita, Road Dogg Jesse James, Tony Atlas, Goldust and a bunch of other folks that you don't really get to see on TV anymore. Again, there's always that disconnect between the fans who paid money to see a live show and the people watching at home. The split between giving the crowd their money's worth and putting on an entertaining TV show. The crowd seemed to not give any kind of crap whatsoever about the legends presenting awards. So did they just not care, or were they not old enough to care? I can't say, but what I do know is that my favorite moment of the night, aside from CM Punk's tribute video to Dynamic Dude John Laurinaitis, was Tony Atlas laughing at David Otunga. It just kept going and going. And Otunga was like "What are you laughing at?" And Atlas said – and this is the truly the only thing the writers were willing to give us – "I'm laughing at you." Wow. It was almost super-sonic. I loved it. Because, well, he was simply laughing at David Otunga. And nothing else.

Now, onto the amazing Laurinaits video which featured a montage of Ace being boring, flubbing lines, tripping, getting his ass kicked and looking like an idiot as part of the old WCW tag team The Dynamic Dudes. I've showed you guys the Dynamic Dudes here in the Wrap Up, but now the WWE has finally unleashed the neon hounds by making his identity fully known to all watching. And, of course, I endorse any use of Stan Bush's "The Touch." That song will play at my wake on a loop.

So yeah. This was amazing. I'll probably name my next kid after it. Or my next polyp. Whichever. Something close to me and gross.