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Although I’ve heard some of them before, I still couldn’t stop laughing when a colleague forwarded this to me. Oh and Happy April Fool’s Day Folks~!

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

Customer: ‘I’ve been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?’.Operator: ‘Where did you get that number from, sir?’.Customer: ‘It was on the door to the Travel Centre’.Operator: ‘Sir, they are our opening hours’.
—————————————————————————————-Samsung ElectronicsCaller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about’.Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’Operator: ‘I think you mean the telephone point on the wall’.
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RAC Motoring ServicesCaller: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?’Operator: ‘ Doesn’t the product name give you a clue?’
———————————————————————-Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
‘If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’
———————————————————————-
Directory EnquiriesCaller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please’.Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?’Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off’.
———————————————————————-
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’Caller: ‘Yes. That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ‘.
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on’.
———————————————————————-Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop’.Customer: ‘OK’.Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’.Customer: ‘No’.Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’Customer: ‘No’.Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’.Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”.
———————————————————————-Tech Support: ‘OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’Customer: ‘Wow. How can you see my screen from there?’
———————————————————————-Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?’.
———————————————————————- ——————There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’Operator: ‘Went away?’Caller: ‘They disappeared.’Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’Caller: ‘Nothing.’Operator: ‘Nothing??’Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’Caller: ‘How do I tell?’Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’Caller: ‘I don’t know.’Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’Caller: ‘No.’Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’Caller: ‘No.’Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’Operator: ‘Dark??’Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’Caller: ‘I can’t.’Operator: ‘No? Why not??’Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’Operator: ‘A power………. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’

Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f — ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!’