Sunday, March 13, 2016

I have a right to be here.

Walking/bussing around today on a lovely Spring day in Austin, was reminded of Sylvia Plath's mother's late-1950s words to her from "Desiderata" when her daughter had obviously been feeling low:

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

I cannot stress how much negativity has surrounded me, beginning with my parents. The core of ME trumpeted out: "Wow! I see more than others! I must be special." But my parents both treated me like shit, although I was lucky enough to be recognized in grade school and high school for being smart. When I got to college, I was suddenly being judged not for my insight but because I read "Time" magazine (i.e., I hadn't been reading the correct things). In personal relations, among men, I was too smart; when I came out in 1987 --- among butches, I was too smart.

In other words, my natural enthusiasm and intellect has been completely tamped down. Except by myself, of course. :)

Anyway, today I was doing stuff on my own on a very pretty day in Austin... And I thought of Aurelia Plath's words to Sylvia Plath, that I was indeed a "child of the universe," that I had a right to be here... It didn't matter that I was unloved --- I had a right to be here, enjoying the pretty day, just like anyone else.