Wouldn’t It Be Nice If….

So, yesterday I was flipping through the news channels to catch up on what was going on in the country and the world. All of a sudden, there was John Boehner on television. He was saying “the House will give “proper consideration” to any plan to extend emergency unemployment insurance — provided it is “fiscally responsible” and “does something to actually create jobs.” I almost leapt out off the couch. Finally, I thought, the Republicans were going to do something.

Now, being a rational person and also wanting to do my part to help the country move ahead, I had no second thought about calling Mr. Boehner to offer my assistance. When I finally go ahold of him, the conversation went something like this:

Me: “Mr. Boehner, I just heard you on television saying you would be willing to extend unemployment insurance as long at it included something to actually create jobs. I find that wonderful.”

Mr. Boehner said: “Well thank you. We all have to work together to get this country moving again.”

Me: “Well, I want to help. I am a retired veteran and I want to do everything I can to help you to create millions of jobs for Americans. I will do everything I can to let my readers know what your plans are. What is the plan?”

Mr. Boehner: “Well we have passed dozens of jobs bills which weren’t taken up in the Senate.”

Me: “I see. Can you tell me which of these jobs bills you want to push forward first? I really want to help you get the word out. But, I need more information for my readers.”

(silence)

Me: “Hello? Mr. Boehner are you there?”

I guess I lost my cell signal.

I wondered if I should call him back. I decided that he must be a very busy man getting his plan out to everyone so I decided to call Mr. Cantor instead. After all, he was standing right behind Mr. Boehner at the news conference and must know what the plan is.

Me: “I was just speaking with Mr. Boehner and I offered to assist you in creating new jobs like he said in the press conference you attended.”

Mr. Cantor: “Thank you. That is very nice of you. Do you have any audience that might help us?”

Me: “Well, yes, I do some writing and do have at least a small audience. We are all eager to assist you in creating these new jobs. What is the plan?”

(silence)

Me: “Hello? Mr. Cantor?”

This darn cell phone, lost another call. That doesn’t usually happen. Then I remembered that there was a solar flare recently. Now, being a retired Radioman, I know that solar flares can raise havoc with radio signals. (cell phone operate off radio frequencies). So, that must be the problem. The solar flare is messing things up.

I wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t be cut off again by the solar flares, so I called NASA, who tracks these things, to find out when it will be safe to recall Mr. Boehner and Mr. Cantor.

Me: “I know that solar flares cause some communications problems, and I have lost several phone calls to Mr. Boehner and Mr. Cantor. I wanted to give them help in getting their plan out for creating new jobs. Can you tell me when the flares will pass so my cell phone won’t lose its signal again?”

NASA: “I’m sorry to tell you this, but they passed a couple of days ago. Plus, they were kind of small and didn’t really affect any communications this time. If you called today, you didn’t lose connection due to the flares.”

Me: “Hmmm. Well thank you anyway.”

Well, the solar flares didn’t disrupt my cell call. My cell provider is extremely good. I haven’t lost a single call for over 3 years until now. I guess the disconnection was a mistake. I am sure that both Mr. Boehner and Mr. Cantor would be more than happy to share their plan to create new jobs. That is if they had one!