To the ****er who stole my phone;
As soon as you turn it on, I will track it with Find My Iphone, and appropriately kick your ass. You are a piece of worthless ****, and good luck using a completely locked phone, or, better yet, selling a useless phone. May life leave you with erectile disfunction, and a beer belly. And you lose your job. And be lonely and go to jail and die.
Sincerely, I hate you.