~ a little chit chat just like on my diary

Filter – in English

“Once you get in touch with a person’s past, their eyes will appear totally different”

Bartender – Chapter 55

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“In your head, you understand, but..”

There is this but part where you have reasons and stories. There is this but part, one that other just can’t comprehend. Wounded soul might end up with silence right after saying but since it’s just so hard to explain. Maybe because somehow we realize that it’s hard for other to understand, because expectation bends to no man.

For that very reason, we lock it up. The memories, the stories, all locked up tightly in a box. It doesn’t matter how much of an extrovert person you are, pain will force you to hide a certain part inside.

In my opinion, there are a way to beautify a dark story in your life. There is this verses in holy Qur’an which says that God only give you problems that is within your capability. God will not give you things that you can’t handle. So, if it was too hard, maybe we are just yet to realize that this troubles are something that we can solve. If it is too hard, we should be proud. Reason? Well, God knows more than we do. God knows much much more about how strong or fragile we actually are. If it was too much, then He was saying that we are that strong. God is telling us that we are so strong that this should be within our capabilities.

After understanding that much, did I feel better?

No.

Not yet.

I am yet to feel better after understanding things.

It takes time. It takes one hell of lot of time to understand that much. Unfortunately, my heart needs time to synchronize with my head. Unfortunately, my heart lack the ability to see things objectively. I am just a woman after all. No matter how much I tried, in the end, my judgement is no better than that of a man. I tried really hard but..

But

It’s not like nothing change.

Something does.

I am yet to comprehend others point of views. I am learning and I hope to be better, because I want to understand my filter. I want to understand others filters. Filter? Yes, their past.

There are many words to explain someone’s past. To me, one of them is filter.

That filter is what responsible for a man as a whole.

That filter is what responsible for what makes a man, a man.

You might knew someone for years without knowing a certain time in his life. To your eyes, he is a close friend, a lover, a parent or a great figure. But what happened once you found out a certain story that he kept hidden? It maybe a very embarrassing story, a joyous one, a very sad one, a very depressing one, or just a random story. Once knowing what you never knew before, wouldn’t that very dear someone whom you know best, seems so different? In a certain condition, wouldn’t that person seems like a stranger?

It’s not about the story, but more like how the story is being told. It’s not about the one in the play, but more like the point of view of the actor or actress. It’s a great filter that once removed, can explain the real face behind the mask. That is why, knowing people without knowing their past is like knowing them with a filter on. You are only know what they want you to know. You are to see what they wish you to see and you only hear the words they carefully pick for you to listen. Some people are more careful than others, I tell you.

You might be, having so many filter because of your circumstances.

Although I do understand that it is much more comfortable to have them, I do know some people feel insecure because of them. It might be too risky to remove them, but if it is for someone that precious for us, it should worth the trouble, no? Even if they finally see what lies within our complicated gaze, even if we suddenly become too frightening, I want to believe that person would stay. He/ she wouldn’t run. So.. it’s okay to remove them in front of a certain person right?

To be honest, I am not really sure about removing them in the future. Maybe because I am yet to find the value for that trouble. Still, I want to believe, it is okay to remove them, one day. One day.