So they use it, almost unthinkingly, even when your ball is careering wildly off towards the most impenetrable jungle on the course. Perhaps the pick of our annoying golf phrases…

Now is not a good time to pipe up, ‘Great strike, though…’

“Good roll”

The putting green cousin of “great strike”. As putting has become more of a science and golfers have lapped up the performance claims of the top putter brands, more of them like to think they know the difference between a good roll and a bad one.

They may well do too, but the last thing you want to hear is “good roll” as your putt pulls up miles short, sails 10ft past, or would have Dickie Bird signalling a wide if he were on the green with you.

‘Good roll’ is the last thing you want to hear when you’ve left it well short

“I saw it bounce”

They really are trying to help you as your ball veers away into bandit country, and it may well serve to fill you with renewed hope in your hour of need.

But, “I saw it bounce,” frequently turns out to offer merely false hope. They saw it bounce… then it disappeared again 200+ yards away from where you’re standing!

It’s at its very worst when said with enough conviction to stop you hitting a provisional ball – “I’ll just hit a provisional anyway”; “Don’t bother, mate, I saw it. We’ll get that one.” Cue the long walk back…

“Still you!”

You’ve duffed your chip or hit a woeful putt, while they’re sitting pretty after a particularly good approach.

You know you’ve hit a poor shot – nothing needs to be said. But they just can’t help themselves from rubbing salt into the wound with a slightly smug, “Still you!”

Just about okay sometimes with your best golfing mates, depending on your overall form and mood, but never from someone you’ve only just met on the 1st tee.

Golf Monthly Instruction

“That’s a NITBY”

If you know the phrase NITBY and your chipping is a bit iffy or off-song, it’s the last thing you ever want to hear.

If you don’t know the phrase (Not In The Bunker Yet) it’s even more irritating, although at least that should only happen once unless you have a terrible memory.

A classic NITBY… but whatever you’re thinking, don’t say it!

Once you do know it though, don’t in any way think it’s a good one to reel off next time someone leaves themselves with a tricky chip or pitch over sand – it isn’t.

“I’m not always this bad”

Usually whittled off as a face-saver by someone you’ve not played with before in the monthly medal after an absolute chop-fest over the opening few holes.

“I’ve got your scorecard in my pocket with your handicap on,” you think, “so I know how good you normally are… unless your handicap is fabricated or hopelessly out of date.”

Yes, I know you’re not always this bad… the scorecard tells me so

“Not really enjoying my golf at the moment”

You roll up full of hope and anticipation. You’ve been looking forward to this round all week from the straitjacket of your office desk, and you’re really up for it and ready to go.

Then up he walks: “Hello, I’m Jeff. Not really sure why I put my name down this week, as I’m not really enjoying my golf at the moment.”

“I’m not sure either,” you think, your lifeblood sapping away as it dawns on you just how miserable the next four hours are going to be.

“You take it away quite a bit outside the line, don’t you?” (or any other unsolicited technical comment…)

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Basically any unsolicited observation or comment on another player’s golf swing is a complete no-no guaranteed to grate instantly.

Never, ever do this… especially with someone you barely know

True golfers know that the first unwritten rule of golfing etiquette is to never, ever proffer uninvited comments on another player’s golf swing even if qualified to do so… and certainly not if unqualified to do so, especially if your own swing resembles an axe murderer in a phone box.

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