"If I lived back in the Biblical days, I would have changed my name to Begat. And then I would have named my kid Begat and encouraged him to name his kid Begat. So that when the guys who write the Brass Plates were writing out my lineage, they would have to write something like:

“And Bob begat Begat. And Begat begat Begat. And Begat begat Begat”

Then every time people read the scriptures, they would remember me as the guy who was always messing with the guys who wrote the brass plates."

More Biblical Pranks:

"I was thinking about what it would have been like to have lived back in the days of the Tower of Babel, when the Lord got mad and made everyone speak different languages.

And I was thinking how if I was friends with the brother of Jared and I was one of the people who did not have my language confounded, every morning when I got up and he said good morning to me, I would pretend I was speaking a different language.

Like one morning I would say something like “Buenos dias, hombre. ¿Como esta?” and the next morning I would say “Gutten tag, mien freund”.

And each time, he would be scared and think I had had my language confounded, but then I’d be all “nah man, I’m just goofing with ya.”

And that’s just an example of how my good humor would help to make the journey to the city of Moriancumer just a little more enjoyable for everybody who had to share a barge with me."

Ideal Meeting Time:

"Some people think the best meeting block is from 9:00 – 12:00 because they like to take a nap after church.

Other people think the best meeting block is from 11:00 – 2:00 because they like to sleep in on Sunday morning.

But I think the ideal meeting time would be 11:30 – 12:00 because seriously…"

The Essence Of Our Faith

"The fundamental principles of our religion are the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets, concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it."