Sometimes, humans get a primal craving in the caveman center of their brains that nothing else can satisfy. We'll help you out with this gift guide that doubles as a friend test: if somebody doesn't appreciate one of the delicious or useful bacon-related products, this is probably not someone you need in your life. On with the Baconalia!

The apple bacon at Nodine's Smokehouse in Torrington, Conn., comes highly recommended by esteemed sports editor Jack Dickey. We realize most readers live outside of northwestern Connecticut, but the good folks at Nodine's will deliver hunks of their signature product nationwide, and Dickey swears it'll be worth the wait. Nodine's Smokehouse apple bacon: $9.60 per pound [Nodine's Smokehouse]

Give the gift of smelling like smoky bacon goodness all day with bacon scented soap. We hope you're as excited as we are that such a product exists. Bacon soap: $9 [FredFlare]

It's vital to ingrain the importance of bacon on your children from a young age. Pop a "My First Bacon" talking plush toy in your youngin's bed/crib and you're all set. Talking "My First Bacon" plush: $14.99 [ThinkGeek]

For bacon lovers who work or go to school in environments where breaking out strips of the real thing is frowned upon, staring at this watch should be enough you tide you over. Bacon watch: $24.99 [Perpetual Kid]

The days of limp, ripply bacon can be over with the purchase of a bacon press. Plus, it's pig-shaped. Cast iron pig bacon press: $11.99 [Amazon]