Men’s Rights Redditor: Nigella Lawson should have expected choking because Saatchi is a rich dude, and rich dudes are EXTREME!

So the regulars in the Men’s Rights subreddit are discussing the Saatchi/Lawson divorce, as we were yesterday, and, well, it’s going better than expected, in that quite a few of them are actually willing to accept that Saatchi actually abused Lawson and that his demand that she defend him against the accusations of abuse thus don’t really make much sense. I guess that’s what happens when the abuse is literally caught on camera and printed on the front page of every British tabloid.

But not everyone there has responded so, well, rationally. Take this fellow:

Dude, I’m pretty sure the rich and/or weird are subject to the same laws (and moral judgements) as the rest of us. Billionaire art collectors don’t get a free pass to choke their wives in public. Nor is that equivalent to a hypothetical Playboy centerfold cheating on you.

Also, as a point of fact, Saatchi isn’t a billionaire. According to Celebrity Net Worth, he’s worth something on the order of $100 million; the site estimates Lawson to be worth $15 million.

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About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny.
My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon, Time.com, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine.
I like cats.

“You know a domestic dispute is not the end of the world. Maybe there are people out there who think couples should stand up for each other despite having problems. He didn’t beat her to a pulp, as far as we know there’s no proof he did anything which actually hurt her. The photo looks harsh but he’s not choking her to death, it’s just his hand is on her neck. I know it’s sacrilege to even hint at this but she might even think he was justified in threatening her because she did/said something which we know nothing about.”

Apparently she should be grateful that he didn’t abuse her WORSE, and should stand up for him for not killing her! And who knows, maybe she was totally asking for it? I have no basis for that assumption, but I’m totally gonna make it anyway!

“We don’t know what their relationship is. Some relationships include violence, like S/M relationships…Or do you think S/M relationships should be illegal?”

Even going on this wild and baseless assumption, it ignores the fact that partner abuse is a major problem in the S/M community as well.

I love how the people who are the absolute best at black-and-white thinking are accusing the rest of us for engaging in black-and-white thinking. These manospherians have to be the most textbook case of psychological projection that can ever be documented. Every single thing they say against those with whom they disagree is nothing but a projection, pretty much 99% of the time.

Also I didn’t realize being rich excused crime, and that all rich people were abusers.

If it were the other way around(including anti DV people and these abuse apologists, they’d be all over this citing it as an example of a woman abusing a man, and how feminists all want men to be in abusive relationships.

“You know a domestic dispute is not the end of the world. Maybe there are people out there who think couples should stand up for each other despite having problems. He didn’t beat her to a pulp, as far as we know there’s no proof he did anything which actually hurt her. The photo looks harsh but he’s not choking her to death, it’s just his hand is on her neck. I know it’s sacrilege to even hint at this but she might even think he was justified in threatening her because she did/said something which we know nothing about.”

And sadly, this is how lots of abused people end up thinking – “oh, my relationship isn’t THAT bad, it’s not like he actually HITS me, so I should totally stay and fight through the problems” when a guy is merely emotionally abusive, or if the guy does hit her, “it’s not THAT bad, he hasn’t hit me SERIOUSLY, what he did can’t really count as REAL hits”, or if the guy does hit her very badly “it’s not THAT bad, because it’s not that often and he was super upset when he did that and really lost control of himself and he was so sorry the next day…”

Only abused people who think like this, do it because being abused messes with your head. There’s really no excuse for applying that “logic” when you dispassionately think about relationships in general.

Take note! If you hit your wife, it’s ok because you also gave her flowers! /sarcasm

Don’t forget, he also magnanimously didn’t choke her half to death. Had he choked her half to death, flowers would not be enough. He’d need to make it up to her with something like a new washing machine for her to use to do his laundry. Something like that.

Only abused people who think like this, do it because being abused messes with your head. There’s really no excuse for applying that “logic” when you dispassionately think about relationships in general.

I like having my partner grab my throat, it’s one of my kinks. There’s nothing wrong with that when it’s done consensually and everyone is aware of the risks. If someone grabs another person’s throat during an argument it’s not consensual even if they otherwise have a BDSM relationship (which so far as I know is not the case in this situation).

@freemage, Jesusfuck! That poor kid Just going about zher day all “doo be do…oh hai FB message.” and then BLAMMO! Misogynistic, homophobic, actual-nazi, sadpenis, bigot all up in her face. For no reason at all! nazidude seriously needs to get off the internet and sit himself down for a long overdue chat.

Oh, the Nazi cosplayers. I don’t go to cons, so I usually avoid this debate by default, but I did once get into a long argument with one on Jezebel in which she insisted that it was OK because she was cosplaying a music video from a Japanese band and they just don’t think Nazi stuff is a big deal in Japan. There are many, many problems with that argument, but the biggest one, which I pointed out, is that she was actually wearing the costume in America and Canada.

So…with this logic as long as you give the person you smack around something it is okay to hit them.
I wonder what the judge would say to that. I just punched him in the face your honor. *court room gasps* I GAVE HIM AN IPAD AFTER! *court room sighs in relief*

Okay, I can see cosplaying as a specific fictional Nazi character being more or less acceptable and not meant to be offensive (say Red Skull from Captain America or Kroenen from Hellboy) because they are fictional and are clearly villains. Cosplaying as a historical Nazi though, why would you do that? I honestly can’t see someone thinking that’s a good idea unless they’re a white supremacist.

The best part of the story of the girl I was arguing with is that she expected the people guarding the US/Canadian border to accept “well it’s because this guy in a band I like wore it, you see, it’s a tribute” as a reasonable explanation as to why she had a Nazi uniform in her car.

Noadi: There’s a few anime that feature generic Nazi characters. These guys usually claim to be cosplaying as one of those. Since the character is so unremarkable outside the uniform (unlike, say, the Red Skull), the effect is that they’re just fucking sadpenis Nazis (and thank you so much for that, Shaenon–it really improved my mood).

Maybe my point didn’t quite come across right, I meant that a character like Red Skull is clearly not meant to be a generic historical Nazi which is what makes it acceptable to me. It’s unlikely that even someone unfamiliar with Captain America wouldn’t recognize it as a character and not someone just dressed as a Nazi because they like the uniform.

Did Saatchi actually hire a helicopter to scatter rose petals or has Vox just been reading too many Harlequin romances?

Googling “Saatchi helicopter rose petals” brings up nothing remotely like that, so probably the latter. But it does bring up a story about a swan that fell in love with a helicopter, which I just realized I’d rather read about.

I think that if cons want to ban people dressed as Nazis, even Nazis who’re also recognizable characters, they have the right to do so on the basis that some other con-goers might find it upsetting.

Oh absolutely. I don’t disagree with you on that at all. Some cons have banned prop weapons for the same reason and while I don’t entirely agree with that they can set their rules as they see fit for the comfort of their attendees. Quite honestly I’d rather attend a con that is overly cautious than one that doesn’t care about their attendees as much (such as the cons that don’t want to put harassment policies in place).

It was the woman who expected the border guards to respect her right to cart around a Nazi-themed costume that I really found laughable, though. They did let her through in the end, but she was shocked and outraged that they even dared to ask her questions like “why do you have a Nazi outfit in your car?”.

I like having my partner grab my throat, it’s one of my kinks. There’s nothing wrong with that when it’s done consensually and everyone is aware of the risks. If someone grabs another person’s throat during an argument it’s not consensual even if they otherwise have a BDSM relationship (which so far as I know is not the case in this situation).

And if it was consensual… why would she leave him over it?

“Yeah so I’m in this really great relationship and we have this kinky thing where we like to do breath play in public, it’s totally a turn on, but this one time someone actually saw us doing our incredibly exciting and consensual and negotiated-before-hand public breath play scene so I’M LEAVING HIM AND LETTING EVERYONE IN THE WORLD ASSUME HE’S AN ABUSER BECAUSE OF THE LULZ”

???

Only an MRA would think this is a normal thought process for a woman or anyone.

Ahh, so finally I get it. The reason why the redpillers are ok with believing in alfalfa males (even though this requires that they label themselves beta manginas and essentially losers) is because this allows them to fantasize that one day, if they just work hard enough at being jerks, they will inherit all the entitlements that come with being such a demigod among men. Which includes being able to abuse and murder women with impunity, apparently, because that’s just one of the perquisites of being an alfalfa. Because the only reason they’re not allowed to do that now is because they haven’t dominated enough other men yet to justify it socially.

Yes, Saatchi blatantly abused Nigella.
I won’t be surprised if he goes completely unpunished or just gets a slap on the wrist (e.g. police caution), because $$$ buy the very best lawyers – and judges too for that matter.

F1, being subject to the same laws and moral judgements as the rest of us =/= being held accountable to the same degree because $$$$ purchases people who are willing to work hard to skirt the laws. hth.

Maybe he just got his wisdom teeth out, and he ain’t gotten over the nitrous oxide yet.

Also, HEY GUYS! I got a big anon donation from a friendly boobzer, so I’ve a poll up for free writing on one of my series. Even if you don’t have an LJ and can’t use the poll, leave me an anon comment! May the best series win!