Somebody once said, “As much as you may grow, as many recoveries as there may be, I think the eventual by-products of A.A. will be greater than A.A. itself.”

Everywhere now, we hear such remarks. They come from all kinds of people. Doctors think of applying our methods to other neurotics; clergymen wonder if our humble example may not vitalize their congregations; businessmen find we make good personnel managers–they glimpse a new industrial democracy; educators see power in our non-controversial way of presenting the truth; and our friends wistfully say, “We wish we were alcoholics–we need A.A. too.”

Why these stirrings? They must all mean, I am sure, that we have suddenly become much more than recovered alcoholics, A.A. members only. Society has begun to hope that we are going to utilize, in every walk of life, that miraculous experience of our returning, almost overnight, from the fearsome land of Nowhere.

Yes, we are again citizens of the world. It is a distraught world, very tired, very uncertain. It has worshipped its own self-sufficiency–and that has failed. We A.A.s are a people who once did that very thing. That philosophy failed us, too. So perhaps, here and there, our example of recovery can help. As individuals, we have a responsibility, may be a double responsibility. It may be that we have a date with destiny.

An example: Not long ago Dr. E. M. Jellinek, of Yale University, came to us. He said, “Yale, as you know, is sponsoring a program of public education on alcoholism, entirely non-controversial in character. We need the cooperation of many A.A.s. To proceed on any educational project concerning alcoholism without the goodwill, experience and help of A.A. members would be unthinkable.”

So, when the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism was formed, an A.A. member was made its executive director: Marty M., one of our oldest and finest. In this issue, she tells The Grapevine of her new work. As a member of A.A., she is just as much interested in us as before–A.A. is still her avocation. But as an officer of the Yale-sponsored National Committee, she is also interested in educating the general public on alcoholism. Her A.A. training has wonderfully fitted her for this post in a different field. Public education on alcoholism is to be her vocation.

Could an A.A. do such a job? At first, Marty herself wondered. She asked her A.A. friends, “Will I be regarded as a professional?” Her friends replied, “Had you come to us, Marty, proposing to be a therapist, to sell straight A.A. to alcoholics at so much a customer, we should certainly have branded that as professionalism. So would everybody else.

“But the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism is quite another matter. You will be taking your natural abilities and A.A. experience into a very different field. We don’t see how that can affect your amateur status with us. Suppose you were to become a social worker, a personnel officer, the manager of a state farm for alcoholics, or even a minister of the Gospel? Who could possibly say those activities would make you a professional A.A.? No one, of course.”

They went on, “Yet we do hope that A.A. as a whole will never deviate from its sole purpose of helping other alcoholics. As an organization, we should express no opinions save on the recovery of problem drinkers. That very sound national policy has kept us out of much useless trouble already, and will surely forestall untold complications in the future.

“Though A.A. as a whole,” they continued, “should never have but one objective, we believe just as strongly that for the individual there should be no limitations whatever, except his own conscience. He should have the complete right to choose his own opinions and outside activities. If these are good, A.A.s everywhere will approve. Just so, Marty, do we think it will be in your case. While Yale is your actual sponsor, we feel sure that you are going to have the warm personal support of thousands of A.A.s wherever you go. We shall all be thinking how much better a break this new generation of potential alcoholic kids will have because of your work, how much it might have meant to us had our own mothers and fathers really understood alcoholism.” Personally I feel that Marty’s friends have advised her wisely; that they have clearly distinguished between the limited scope of “A.A. as a whole” and the broad horizon of the individual A.A. acting on his own responsibility; that they have probably drawn a correct line between what we would regard as professional and amateur.

Bill W. AA Co-Founder, Bill W., October 1944

“A Date With Destiny” The Language of the Heart
================================

There is no greater weakness than stubbornness. If you cannot yield, if you cannot learn that there must be compromise in life – you lose.

–Maxwell Maltz

Glass is very hard, but fragile. By contrast, leather is tough and resilient. A blow to a glass dish will break it, but a blow to a shoe will just be absorbed. Our program leads us to avoid the folly of being hard like glass, and we become tougher like leather. We must endure surprises, pressures, and blows from the world as a normal part of life. The more able we are to absorb the blows, the stronger and more whole we are as men.

A friend who has a different opinion from ours can be listened to and his ideas considered. There is no need to compete with him or prove that we are right. When our plan for a project at work gets set aside, we will feel the frustration but we need not come apart over it. Perhaps our Higher Power is leading us to a better plan. Frustrations with spouses or friends can be turned over to our Higher Power. We do not have a rigid recipe for life, and we must be open to more learning.

I will surrender my fragile stubbornness in exchange for the toughness I can learn in compromise.

================================

Somebody once said, “As much as you may grow, as many recoveries as there may be, I think the eventual by-products of A.A. will be greater than A.A. itself.”

Everywhere now, we hear such remarks. They come from all kinds of people. Doctors think of applying our methods to other neurotics; clergymen wonder if our humble example may not vitalize their congregations; businessmen find we make good personnel managers–they glimpse a new industrial democracy; educators see power in our non-controversial way of presenting the truth; and our friends wistfully say, “We wish we were alcoholics–we need A.A. too.”

Why these stirrings? They must all mean, I am sure, that we have suddenly become much more than recovered alcoholics, A.A. members only. Society has begun to hope that we are going to utilize, in every walk of life, that miraculous experience of our returning, almost overnight, from the fearsome land of Nowhere.

Yes, we are again citizens of the world. It is a distraught world, very tired, very uncertain. It has worshipped its own self-sufficiency–and that has failed. We A.A.s are a people who once did that very thing. That philosophy failed us, too. So perhaps, here and there, our example of recovery can help. As individuals, we have a responsibility, may be a double responsibility. It may be that we have a date with destiny.

An example: Not long ago Dr. E. M. Jellinek, of Yale University, came to us. He said, “Yale, as you know, is sponsoring a program of public education on alcoholism, entirely non-controversial in character. We need the cooperation of many A.A.s. To proceed on any educational project concerning alcoholism without the goodwill, experience and help of A.A. members would be unthinkable.”

So, when the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism was formed, an A.A. member was made its executive director: Marty M., one of our oldest and finest. In this issue, she tells The Grapevine of her new work. As a member of A.A., she is just as much interested in us as before–A.A. is still her avocation. But as an officer of the Yale-sponsored National Committee, she is also interested in educating the general public on alcoholism. Her A.A. training has wonderfully fitted her for this post in a different field. Public education on alcoholism is to be her vocation.

Could an A.A. do such a job? At first, Marty herself wondered. She asked her A.A. friends, “Will I be regarded as a professional?” Her friends replied, “Had you come to us, Marty, proposing to be a therapist, to sell straight A.A. to alcoholics at so much a customer, we should certainly have branded that as professionalism. So would everybody else.

“But the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism is quite another matter. You will be taking your natural abilities and A.A. experience into a very different field. We don’t see how that can affect your amateur status with us. Suppose you were to become a social worker, a personnel officer, the manager of a state farm for alcoholics, or even a minister of the Gospel? Who could possibly say those activities would make you a professional A.A.? No one, of course.”

They went on, “Yet we do hope that A.A. as a whole will never deviate from its sole purpose of helping other alcoholics. As an organization, we should express no opinions save on the recovery of problem drinkers. That very sound national policy has kept us out of much useless trouble already, and will surely forestall untold complications in the future.

“Though A.A. as a whole,” they continued, “should never have but one objective, we believe just as strongly that for the individual there should be no limitations whatever, except his own conscience. He should have the complete right to choose his own opinions and outside activities. If these are good, A.A.s everywhere will approve. Just so, Marty, do we think it will be in your case. While Yale is your actual sponsor, we feel sure that you are going to have the warm personal support of thousands of A.A.s wherever you go. We shall all be thinking how much better a break this new generation of potential alcoholic kids will have because of your work, how much it might have meant to us had our own mothers and fathers really understood alcoholism.” Personally I feel that Marty’s friends have advised her wisely; that they have clearly distinguished between the limited scope of “A.A. as a whole” and the broad horizon of the individual A.A. acting on his own responsibility; that they have probably drawn a correct line between what we would regard as professional and amateur.

Bill W. AA Co-Founder, Bill W., October 1944

“A Date With Destiny” The Language of the Heart
================================

There is no greater weakness than stubbornness. If you cannot yield, if you cannot learn that there must be compromise in life – you lose.

–Maxwell Maltz

Glass is very hard, but fragile. By contrast, leather is tough and resilient. A blow to a glass dish will break it, but a blow to a shoe will just be absorbed. Our program leads us to avoid the folly of being hard like glass, and we become tougher like leather. We must endure surprises, pressures, and blows from the world as a normal part of life. The more able we are to absorb the blows, the stronger and more whole we are as men.

A friend who has a different opinion from ours can be listened to and his ideas considered. There is no need to compete with him or prove that we are right. When our plan for a project at work gets set aside, we will feel the frustration but we need not come apart over it. Perhaps our Higher Power is leading us to a better plan. Frustrations with spouses or friends can be turned over to our Higher Power. We do not have a rigid recipe for life, and we must be open to more learning.

I will surrender my fragile stubbornness in exchange for the toughness I can learn in compromise.

When I say no I feel like I’m putting myself in danger. Al-anon member
========================
If things are okay I always tend to think
the shoes are you going to drop on the other foot.
Ala-non member
==========================
The Apollo 13 was only on track 10% of the time,
so is always doing u-turns.
Ala-non member
==========================
I had to constantly re-parent it myself before
I could have a baby. Ala-non member
==========================

A coincidence is a little miracle in whichGod chooses to remain anonymous.Alanon member

Be in nature and discover how much God loves you,

“Pause, so you can hear the rabbits.”.
Ala-non member

I cannot give other people the status
of my Higher Power.
Ala-non member

“God helps those who don’t try to take over His work”. ODAT pg 196

What ever your heart clings to, that is your God. Martin Luther

A mind is a dangerous place, don’t go there alone..Alanon member

Learn to give from my overflow rather that from my reserve.

This is self care, we learn to let go of burdens we were never

meant to carry. Learn to ask, “What is the best thing for me?”

Ala-non member

An expectation is a premeditated resentment.

Courage to Change Page 153

Any time I am in resentment,
I am not taking care of myself.
I am blaming someone else for something I need to do.
Ala-non member

The higher the expectations,
the lower the serenity.
I try to keep my boundaries high,
my expectations low, and my heart open.

Ala-non member

You Can Control Yourself,
You Can Change Yourself,
You Can Cure Yourself.
Ala-non member

I am not responsible for other people’s happiness.Ala-non member

Anger can be constructive in telling me that

someone else is stepping on some boundaries

that I need to enforce.

Ala-non member

My Happiness is My Responsibility.
Ala-non member

I cannot give other people the status

of my Higher Power.
Ala-non member

I want to be able to respond, not react.Ala-non member

The difference between pity and compassion – pity elevates me, compassion is empathy for another’s humanness.Ala-non member

When I blame someone else for something,

I give up my power to them.
Ala-non member

What you think of me is none of my business.
Ala-non member

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is,

and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.Ala-non member

I didn’t cause it, but if I recognize that I may have contributed to it,
then I need to own that part: only that.
Ala-non member

I can please only one person per day.
Today is not your day…
Tomorrow’s not looking good either!
Ala-non member

======================

I want to be able to respond, not react.Ala-non member

Doing the same thing over and over again

and expecting different results.Ala-non member

Willingness = a readiness to change one’s perception.Ala-non member

The difference between pity and compassion –
pity elevates me, compassion is empathy for another’s humanness.

Ala-non member

Pain is something that comes and goes,
suffering is something we hold on to
Ala-non member

Denial is the shock absorber for the soul.

It protects us until we are equipped to cope with reality.Alanon member

Martyrdom, manipulating, managing and mothering.
Ala-non member

“The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is in how you use them” ODAT pg 185

It is futile to spend time trying to figure out whatmakes some one else tick.Alanon member

When I blame someone else for something,
I give up my power to them.Alanon member

What you think of me is none of my business. Ala-non member

When I get into a situation, I always ask myself,“What is my part in it? What is going on with me?” Alanon member

Thing to say to the alcoholic when he/she does his/her thing: I never thought of it that way. You could be right

Alanon member

This is what I want. This is what I need.
This is what I feel. This is what I think.
This is what I will do.Ala-non member

It is easier to resist the bait than to
struggle with the hook.Alanon member

My Happiness is My Responsibility.Ala-non member

Worry is a terrible waste of time.Ala-non member

Say what you mean, mean what you say,

but don’t be mean when you say it.

Ala-non member

Would I rather be Right or would I rather be HAPPY
Ala-on member

“Be yourself because everyone else is taken.” Oscar Wilde

Al Anon is like a laboratory,
we experiment and find out what works for us.Alanon member

“Helping” I’m disrespecting their ability to do it themselves.

I’m saying that they are broken.

Alanon member

I am just showing up to listen.Alanon member

“I remove the other person’s dignity if I try to make
their decisions for them” ODAT pg 200

Control is only an illusion.Alanon member

When we point a finger at someone,
three are pointing back at us.Alanon member

At times I am afraid of my own feelings if

I don’t get in there and try to control.. what if?Alanon member

When I have a feeling,

I lean into it and look at the idea behind the feeling.

Ala-non member

Learn to live with the “dis-ease” that comes when you stop something
and practice new behavior, the feelings will pass.
Ala-non member

Anger can be constructive in telling me that someone else
is stepping on some boundaries that I need to enforce.Alanon member

I cannot give what I do not have.Alanon member

I am not responsible for other people’s happiness.Alanon member

“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.” A.S. Roche

The feeling that I am a mistake instead of

feeling that I made a mistake.

Alanon member

We don’t have to act on our feelings,

we can look at them and let them pass.
Ala-non member

Every time I tell the truth, I gain my own freedom.Ala-non member

I need to be true to who I am to be able to have a sense of self.Alanon member

Am I comparing my insrides with other people’s outsides
when I feel out of it in a group?
Ala-non member

Say what you mean, mean what you say,

but don’t be mean when you say it.
Ala-non member

For once I didn’t buy into it and it was wonderful.
Alanon member

Rigidity always binds fear.Ala-non member

I thought I couldn’t be happy until everyone else was,

that’s the way I thought God wanted it to be. Ala-non member

Change can only come from a position of acceptance..

Ala-non member

There are no mistakes, only lessons.

Alanon member

Pause for Poise.
Ala-non member

“I can only love myself as much as I believe I am lovable.”

Ala-non member

I don’t worry about tomorrow because God has

already been there and He has set the stage.

.Ala-non member

Pain is something that comes and goes,

suffering is something we hold on to.

Ala-non member

Kindness – I like to treat myself with a Grandmother’s heart.

Al-Anon is where we can practice kindness to ourselves.

Ala-non member

Living in the past is VICTIM, Living in the

future is MANIPULATING. Live in the present.
Alanon member

Resentment is anger re sent, it goes round

and round resending the feelings. Alanon member

All suffering is the result of thought pointing in the wrong direction. Thought does not change an emotion but action does.