Stream of Consciousness

I’ve been sucked in. I joined Spotify and Pinterest in one weekend, and now I might as well just sell my soul to the devil. Or maybe listen to my Inspired playlist while I mod podge frames and pin cute vintage shoes.

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Thank you for your heartfelt comments on the last post. It felt really good to begin a weekend like that–to be emotionally moved in a lot of ways, to cry a little bit, to arrive home excitedly telling Brett all about what I experienced and to pull my sleeping girl from her crib so I could slide her next to me in bed and feel the tangible evidence of how lucky we are. I fell asleep with Lainey’s leg hugging my hip on one side and Nella tucked into the curve of my body on the other. Those quiet moments in the dark when I close my eyes and reach out to hold each of their hands, when I touch my lips to their foreheads and whisper goodnight and fall asleep thinking about how good it feels to be sandwiched between two little bodies that I created–those are the moments that center me. When past, present and future all melt into the comfortable reminder of “this is all that matters.”

You can’t effectively move forward in life unless you have those moments of letting yourself feel the darker side of reality once in a while. I do that, you know. Maybe not publicly every time, but I’m human (if you don’t count the unicorn gene). And even after those moments of pushing the bruise to feel the pain, I smile and think to myself…Life is so very rich. Even with the challenges.

Saturday evening’s sunset. Brett was driving and I made him pull over.

I don’t have a lot to say tonight other than we enjoyed one of the most unproductive weekends ever.

We stayed in our pajamas, made second pots of coffee, and Saturday morning, Brett stretched four eggs and a few potatoes into a giant late breakfast–like loaves and fishes to feed the masses.

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It seems my girls’ togetherness is extra special lately, perhaps brought on by the onset of Nella’s walking.

I find myself hiding in corners and sneaking up on their playtime as if their knowledge of my presence somehow cheapens what they have, just the two of them.

Usually when I take pictures, I naturally get a lot of shots of each of them individually. I’ve realized lately, without even intending to take pictures of them together, I browse a couple days worth of photos and there they are–perfectly together, as if I composed the shot for a shared frame.

And that makes me smile.

Our gardenia bush is in bloom. Our front yard smells like heaven.

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After a stay-in, unproductive weekend, Heidi texted me this morning in hopes of one of our let’s-wing-it-last-minute adventures. Sister speaks my language.

We loaded kids, crackers and a stroller into a minivan and headed to the Imaginarium in Fort Myers for the afternoon.

Look who’s tall enough to see over the edge of the stingray pool.

It felt good to be productive. It felt good to be helping a very pregnant friend fulfil her let’s-do-a-ton-of-stuff-before-I-have-this-baby list.

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And now, I’m here late on a Monday evening and I just received a text from my cousin in Northern Michigan who says the sky there is full of radiant stars and putting on quite a show tonight. I’m smiling. I love these texts. While our sky might not be as radiant tonight and certainly not contrasted by cold white snow, it is still the same sky, same stars. And I think I might take a little midnight walk to enjoy it.

Comment #172, Claire Imsen: Kelle, I cried during this entire video. Not just a few drops in each corner- I mean streaming tears. I have been reading your blog since my daughter, Elina, was born in July. Your bright rays of hope traveled all the way from Florida into my heart at a very dark and unstable time. Now I cannot imagine a more beautiful life for myself. Thank you.

And if, like me, you finally feel like you’re in the swing of things post-holidays, don’t forget to check out Hatchedit.com to help easily organize your family’s schedules and to-do lists.

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One more thing. If you’re near Richmond, VA, my friend Abernathy is currently involved in this amazing new program with SPARC, and I’m so proud of her and the way this program is using art and theater to help children of all abilities. Watch this and be inspired. Their vision is growing, and they need your help.

Oh my…those pictures of your girls in their matching outfits are gorgeous!!! and their togetherness…so sweet. Watching sisters love each other, play and bond is beautiful! And yay for a relaxing weekend!

I’m totally voting (all the while knowing that there’s a lot of year ahead) the picture of Nella wearing the flowery tank top with the blue hat the picture of the year. She’s not even my kid and I’d put that picture on my wall. Beautiful and awesome and full of delightful emotion all in one.

I love that last picture. Also, since I’ve been reading your blog so regularly and since I was in Florida over the weekend, I dreamt last night that I was hanging out with you and your girls…hilarious and awesome (and maybe creepy of me?).

Kelle, I have the pleasure of student teaching at a Richmond City School right now. SPARC comes in a few days a week and works with our kiddos to express themselves through song and dance and it is absolutely incredible. ALL of our kiddos participate, regardless of their abilities. I’ll always support their work because I have seen what joy it can bring to a school community.

Slothful weekends abounded- it was cool and drizzly, we hadn’t seen each other in 5 days, so we hibernated inside the hut, ate breakfast and lunch in bed, I listened to the radio, napped some more, snuggled the pups and Rob when he would let me. We made soups and baked plum cakes. It was heaven.

Sad bit was having to get up on Monday and head to work again!

Love the pics of your girls playing with each other. And Nella upside down!

The picture of Lainey with the flower in her hair…wow! She looks so much like you there. And where on earth did those matching flower print outfits come from…I need me one of those! Happy Tuesday already from Switzerland:-)

Kelle – I cannot explain how much your blog means to me. I love that despite the pain, the sorrow and dark times you always ‘dwell in possibility’ just like Emily Dickenson. Any discerning reader can read between the lines and knows that your beautiful blog is but a snapshot of your life that you so graciously let us share. I love that like any good blogger your blog has a clear purpose and so as a result I love ‘enjoying the small things’ with you. Arohanui (much love) from New Zealand.

We had a really rough weekend at our house. Our 92 year old gramma died suddenly on Sunday night, and we spent yesterday cleaning out her apartment. So it feels like I’ve done nothing but cry for the last 36 hours…But that last picture of Nella made me smile, and then giggle! Thanks for the little ray of sunshine!

Here I am checking out your beautiful photos and feeling your words and always my eyes well up with tears at the sheer beauty you capture… and then I burst into laughter at one of Nella’s gorgeous big smiles – I am telling you Kelle they are mesmerizing!Oh and I just love those gorgeous shoes – as a matter of fact in between the tears and laughter I do notice your awesome taste in clothing too!

ok, you know me i love all your photos. but my favorites are Lainey with her green tie … cute! & the last photo of Nella standing on her head. so cute!! oh, yes … when the hubby & i were in Michigan the stars were amazing but in VA they are pretty close. ha. ha!! (:

So many responses I have. Um, Spotify is the addiction I do NOT have yet. I feel it coming on. Go buy lots of paint and modpodge and vintage wonderfulness if you’re on Pinterest. And random broken furniture to make into amazing, creative pieces. Or just dream about all that, like I do. Nella’s butt shot at the end of this post is awesome. Love Lainey pushing Nella in the stroller.

Sounds like a heavenly weekend 🙂 We were the same way here in good ole Missouri. Hung out with the family, tried new recipes from Pinterest and I could just sit and smile at my little loves. Everday I am more thankful that God created Addy in her mother’s womb just for me. I cannot thank God or J enough four our precious gift. Life is beautiful.

Nella’s headstand is the newest crave for my daughter too! She puts her hands out and screams “nooooo hads mommy!” Her “hads” are beyond adorable flapping in the air – just letting go. Something I need to learn how to do myself.

I haven’t read in a while due to a bunch of life happening, but it was so lovely to sit at my computer and peak at your life for a few minutes this morning. Thank you for always sharing so much of the fun stuff.

LOVE the last picture! And I love your friendship with Heidi. Can’t wait to see her baby on here, your friendship reminds me of my girlfriend who delivered both of my babies and the bond we share because of it. Your girls are beautiful. Happy Tuesday!

Thank you for the picture of the sunset on Saturday night. While we in Wisconsin had a different sunset than yours, it was my grandfather’s last sunset on this earth and I’m glad someone captured it. Thanks, Kelle.

Hey Kelle! A friend introduced me to your blog because she thinks we think and write in similar ways. I just wanted to let you know that once I read your blog, I was very flattered! Your writing and pleasure in life and photography have inspired me. Thank you for the beautiful blog. Your fellow blogger,Liza Jane

Oh to smell that heavenly scent of a gardenia tree in full bloom! That’s just one of the things that I miss about back home. Thanks for the reminder in the beauty of the ordinary!! Loved the last shot of Nella.

Is Lainey wearing bandaids on four fingers?! (chalk pics) Must have been one bad owie! Your photos are beautiful and inspiring as always. And while you might be craving snow, i’m craving spring and flowers blooming in my yard…

LOVE that last pic of Nella! How PERFECT! And I can practically smell the gardenias….my favorite flower. 🙂 Beautiful post, also love the sunset picture. I just now saw your last post…..HOW. AMAZING. How can you even start to come down from that high of experiencing something like that? Nella is so lucky to have you as her cheerleader. You and your girls are going to do big things, Kelle.

OK, where did my little Lainey go…those are Lady Legs, and long ones at that! She is just growing too fast!!! And Nels…the walking, confident, curious, off-to-meet-the-world Nella! I can’t wait to get down there again and just watch her now that she is a walker. My prayer has always been that she will be confident and always stretch to grasp things beyond her reach. It appears it is happening! I always tear up and feel that throat burning, heart touching joy when I read comments of individuals who now look differently at individuals with Down syndrome or any other “specialization” that distinguishes that individual–because I know I do as well. I now know the rich layers of life they call us to…the depth of feelings they invite us to experience, the capacity for joy they posess and the broadened understanding of restrictive terms like “perfect” and “normal” they teach us. I have learned I will follow more than lead that little girl and others like her. And I made that last photo my screen saver here at work!

That last photo of Nella is to die for!! I don’t think my comment on your last post ever showed up & wanted you to know how much it meant to me to see you step out of your comfort zone like that. I am most uncomfortable when around adults with Ds and was overwhelmed looking at the pictures and imagining the mixture of emotions swirling inside of you. Thank you. Very meaningful and thought provoking. I love how you rock this and make me feel like I can rock it, too.

I didn’t get a chance to comment on your Friday post, since I was reading it on my train ride home from work. Girlfriend, I cried the whole time. I love that you went to their dance and I love that you shared the experience with us. You give me such inspiration to branch out and help people with disabilties.

As for today’s post, well I’m glad you had a great do nothing weekend. We did too and those seem to always come when they are most needed. We stayed in jammies, read books and took a trip to the neighborhood park. It was perfect!

I LOVE the sister moments your girls are having!! I remember reading your post about when Nella was born and you being affraid that they wouldn’t be “normal” sister. Well look at them now! They are the most adorable sisters and have an amazing connection (I can see it through your lens)! I love the matching outfits and Lainey pushing Nella in the doll’s stroller. Totally priceless! And that little Nella, well her amazing spirit is shining through more and more with every picture I see. Truly amazing, Kelle! Your words and pictures always touch my heart. 🙂

Just catching up on your last few posts…where to start? Your capacity for love and your raw honesty is like a beacon. It’s like diving into a cool lake in the spring. I’m drawn to you – your writing, your kindess, your love for others, your hope for the future, your ability to deal with the pain and look past it to the joy. All this to say, you’re cooler than a pair of mesh shoes were back in the 80s. And sista’, those were off the charts. xo

I love the toe picture. I’m inspired. I’m going to take pictures of my girls together this week. And James with…the dog. Or whatever, I’m just going to make it a point to pick up the camera. Thanks for the inspiration, love u 🙂

So cute! your girls are getting so big! So are mine- and it makes me sad. not a deep breath sad but tears heart hurts sad- do you ever feel like that, like you wish you could freeze time you know they are only little once, you should do a post about babies growing up you always have the best words of wisdom/advice!

The “sister” pictures make me remember, a long time ago, a post that you wrote after photographing a wedding. You described how you cried for Laney and Nella after seeing the bride and her sister. Oh, if only you could have read this blog post back then. I’m so excited to get your book.

Hi Kelle – I don’t often comment, but I have been a faithful reader for over 2 years now…and I just feel the need to connect with you today and say thank you. From the deepest depths of my heart, thank you for providing my life with some much-needed joy, inspiration, and beauty. I have two very little girls as well, and we are going through a very rough patch with my husband and I separating and him living in a different state right now. You words and photos, and your honesty and genuine love of life give me so much comfort, and SO MUCH inspiration to keep on being the best and most loving mom I can be despite the current challenges in our life. You remind me that LOVE is all we need, and all that really, truly matters in this world. And you remind me to cherish, with every fiber of my being, my little girls…..Also, I have worked as an advocate for early childhood special education, and Nella touches my heart in a very special way. Your entire family is so, so blessed. And I feel so, so blessed to have the opportunity to get to “know” you all! 😉 Much love your way…xoxo

Your posts move me. It is obvious how cathartic writing is for you and I love that you let us in to your lives on regular basis. I just finished reading your last two posts and have to say, it makes me want to be better, do better, as a Momma, friend, person. Thank you.

Also, I’ve been reading/following for over 2 years now. I was recently blessed w/a gift of a summer condo in Ft. Myers. Do you have any suggestions on unique/fun places to check out while we are there? Imaginarium looks like it will be on our “family friendly” list for sure! 🙂

Kelle – the addiction to Spotify and Pinterest is fantastic. I am so excited to follow you…on both! I love your music choices and wanted to see if you would “publish” any of your playlists so that we could listen along with you. You can “share” it too which is essentially the same thing as publishing it. I love your music taste and always think you capture the right music with your posts – so inspiring.

There is nothing more joyful or uplifting that the smiling faces of children…just being children. And then to come to the end and that last shot of Nella…taking on the world upside down…what a lesson for us all!!

Kelle, your first paragraph, about what really matters, put exactly how I feel in to words. I love reading your blog! You are such an artist with your words……everything flows and is beautiful! Your pics are amazing too!!! Have a great week!Blessings,Chelsea

Hi Kelle! I have been reading your blog for a year now and I want to say that your blog is always so inspiring and real. You are such a talented woman. Keep up the good work. Can’t wait until Bloom comes out. Peace out! =)

Unproductive weekends are the best. The simple things in life…ahhh, I love the pics of the girls. Kind of makes me want to add another to our family just so I can have the joy of watching them play together. How sweet:)

Yep the last picture of NELLA SO DARN CUTE!!!!!!!!!! Just pre- ordered your book on iTunes!!! Wish you could sign my iPad! Get it book your signing the books with your awesome pen. . Ok really bad joke i know!

Your posts always make my day. Thanks! I loved the part about the stars. Our family was in Ft. Myers last week, and the stars were especially bright down there on Friday night (the 17th.) When we got home to Minnesota on Saturday, we checked out the sky again. You’re right. Same sky. But Orion was way higher in the sky down in Florida! Pretty cool:)

You are so right; we have to feel those dark moments sometimes. At the ripe old age of 28, I am having problems swallowing, am not sure how much longer I have until I will need a feeding tube, and I am losing my voice as well. All I can do is enjoy food as much as possible and embrace singing loudly in the car to all my favorite songs. Make happiness and cherish what was given!

I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I think it’s absolutely amazing! I’m a Speech Pathologist and have a special place in my heart for special needs children. Just wanted to say thank you for being an amazing parent and advocate for your children, we need more like you!

Those matching outfits are so funky-love them! I have a thing for dressing my two girls in matching outfits…might as well take advantage while they are little, because I know one day they will not be fans 🙂

I enjoy reading your blog and seeing your pictures. I am interested if you are sending Lainey to kindergarten or will you homeschool? She never went to a preschool, right? I am currently trying to decide if and where to send my son to preschool (or florida vpk) this fall. My hearts leads me to wanting to keep him home longer. But so many people really push going to school earlier and earlier, there’s certainly a pressure to send them. I would love to read about how you prepare your girls with socializing and learning at home (things other kids learn at preschool). How do you do it and what are your thoughts? Do you have a special “learning time” at home or anything like that? Do you just have lots of playdates for socializing? Thanks for any input!

Gorgeous photos, as always.You are truly blessed, Kelle. You and Brett. There is something undescribably amazing about people who are DS. Thanks again for sharing your girls and your thoughts.Love the last photo of Nella. Classic toddler pose. Priceless!

When I was about 5 years old I had a really bad day. It started out good. My cousin showed me how to make baby powder clouds. You know… Put some baby powder in your hand, and then blow it off into one giant baby powder plume. We did that for a while. A.Freaking.WHILE!

Then I went to my neighbors house for his birthday party. I (aka my mom, who was totally just getting what his mom said to get) bought him ninja turtle shampoo and a ninja turtle bath towel. He told me my present sucked. I should have got him a fun game like hungry hungry hippos like Abby did. He said Abby’s present was cool.

I went home and cried while my mom comforted me. Then I went to feed my fish… My big, big tank of tropical fish. They were all belly up. Apparently my mom cleaned up the baby powder clouds and while wiping down the fish tank, knocked the water temperature up to a degree fitting for the devil himself.

Your pictures are AMAZING! I want to take pictures just like you and I am already practicing 🙂 I’m going to ask for a better lens for my birthday.Also thanks for the “Friday Photodump” idea. I have Photoshop and made a 12×12 collage of my daughter. It turned out great!

I’ve followed you since Nella’s birth. Someone sent me a link. After reading my mail and the news this is the first place I check out. I love your family, I love the way you make them part of everyones life. I too have a handicapped son, but, he’s a grown man now and I wish I had your insights when he was young. At that time we had no one to give advice, no blogs. Bless you! You start my day in a happy way.

Kelle,I found your blog when I started teaching dance lessons to children with down syndrome. I want to thank you for sharing your beautiful family and wonderful photos. You help a girl keep her chin up when the economy and the world make life a little difficult some days. I had to share your blog with my sister as it is too good not to share and she pointed out that your birthday is the day before mine and our names are one letter apart…I am kellee (my sister is jodee, my parents like e’s). Anyway thank you for this daily inspiration and I look forward to reading bloom which I already ordered ;o)