[ theme music ]
Hillary Clinton: Where is he?
Wh-Where's Zach?
Zach Galifianakis: [ZACH] I was just
trying to scare her.
Zach Galifianakis: I was just--
Zach Galifianakis: Like in the...
Halloween spirit of it all.
Hillary Clinton: Not a good idea around
the Secret Service.
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine. I'm fine.
Let's start.
Zach Galifianakis: Hi, welcome to another
edition of Between Two Ferns.
Zach Galifianakis: I'm your-- your host Zach Galifianakis,
and my guest today is Hillary...
Zach Galifianakis: Clinton.
Zach Galifianakis: Thank you very much
Mrs. Clinton for being here.
Zach Galifianakis: Critics have questioned
some of your decision making recently,
Zach Galifianakis: and by you doing this show
I hope it finally lays that to rest.
Hillary Clinton: Oh, I think it--
it absolutely proves their case.
Don't you?
Zach Galifianakis: Are you excited to be
the first girl President?
Hillary Clinton: Well, I mean being President
would be such an extraordinary honor,
Hillary Clinton: and responsibility,
but being the first women elected
Hillary Clinton: President and what that
would mean for our country,
Hillary Clinton: and particularly what
that would mean for,
Hillary Clinton: you know, not just little girls,
little boys too.
- That's pretty special.
- Mmhmm.
Zach Galifianakis: Not to take away from the historic
significance of you perhaps becoming
Zach Galifianakis: the first female President,
but for a younger, younger generation,
Zach Galifianakis: you will also become their
first white President,
Zach Galifianakis: and that's pretty neat too.
Zach Galifianakis: As Secretary, how many words
per minute could you type?
Zach Galifianakis: And how does
President Obama like his coffee?
Zach Galifianakis: Like himself?
Zach Galifianakis: Weak?
Hillary Clinton: You know Zach, those are
really out of date questions.
Hillary Clinton: I... You need to
get out more.
Zach Galifianakis: What happens if you
become pregnant?
Zach Galifianakis: Are we going to be stuck
with Tim Kaine for 9 months?
Zach Galifianakis: How does this work?
Hillary Clinton: I could send you some pamphlets
that might help you understand--
Zach Galifianakis: First you supported Obama's
Trans Pacific Partnership deal,
and then you were against it.
Zach Galifianakis: I think that people deserve to know,
are you down with TPP?
Hillary Clinton: Uh... I'm not
down with TPP.
Zach Galifianakis: No, you're supposed to say,
"Yeah, you know me."
- Like the hip-hop group--
- Don't tell me what to say.
Zach Galifianakis: Fine, lose.
[softly] The country goes to shit.
- Let's talk about Trump, um--
- Oh, let's.
Zach Galifianakis: When you see how well it works for
Donald Trump, do you ever think to yourself,
Zach Galifianakis: "Oh, maybe I should
be more racist?"
Zach Galifianakis: When he's elected President,
and Kid Rock becomes
Secretary of State,
Zach Galifianakis: are you going to move to
Canada or one of the Arctics?
Hillary Clinton: I would stay in
the United States.
- And what would you try to--
- I would try to prevent him
Hillary Clinton: destroying the
United States.
Zach Galifianakis: So you're going to
lead the Civil War?
Hillary Clinton: No. I wouldn't--
I wouldn't take up arms.
Hillary Clinton: I-I think that might
be a little extreme.
Zach Galifianakis: Oh right, because you were saying
before we were rolling that you wanted
Zach Galifianakis: to take away
everyone's guns.
Zach Galifianakis: Very cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
Hillary Clinton: I really regret
doing this.
Zach Galifianakis: Any regrets over losing
the Scott Baio vote?
Hillary Clinton: Not a one.
- So it wasn't heartbreaking that--
- No.
Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, but Chachi.
I mean who's going to be next?
Zach Galifianakis: Max Headroom?
Zach Galifianakis: I'd love to meet the person
who makes your pants suits.
Hillary Clinton: Oh really.
Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, because for Halloween,
I wanted to go as a librarian
from outer space.
Hillary Clinton: I think that would be
a good look on you.
Zach Galifianakis: Have you thought about what you're
going to be wearing at the debates?
Hillary Clinton: You know, there's this thing called
the double standard, and so,
Hillary Clinton: I think about, well,
Hillary Clinton: what should the first woman nominee
of one of our two major parties wear
Hillary Clinton: to the debate,
and I have no idea,
Hillary Clinton: so if you've got suggestions
I'm open to them.
Zach Galifianakis: Do you wonder what your
opponent might be wearing?
I mean--
Hillary Clinton: I-I assume he'll wear, you know,
that red power tie.
Zach Galifianakis: Or maybe like a
white power tie.
Hillary Clinton: That's even more
appropriate.
Zach Galifianakis: When you went to Donald Trump's wedding,
did he write his own vows?
Zach Galifianakis: And did Michelle Obama
write Melania's?
Hillary Clinton: Um, I...
Hillary Clinton: really couldn't see or hear very well.
So I'm not quite sure what his vows were,
Hillary Clinton: but I'm sure they were great
and huge and wonderful.
Zach Galifianakis: Like his bowels.
[ she chuckles ]
Zach Galifianakis: Chelsea, your daughter, and Ivanka Trump,
Trump's daughter, are friends--
Zach Galifianakis: does Ivanka ever call Chelsea,
you know, to talk about boys that
might have crushers on her,
Zach Galifianakis: like her dad?
Hillary Clinton: I don't think so.
Zach Galifianakis: What's going to be the number
one focus of your Presidency?
Hillary Clinton: Oh Zach, it has to be the economy.
We need more good jobs
with rising incomes.
Hillary Clinton: We gotta make the economy
work for everybody,
- not just those at the top--
- We need to take a...
Zach Galifianakis: We need to take a break.
Zach Galifianakis: We just need to have a
word from our sponsor. Okay.
Donald Trump: Washington is broken.
Donald Trump: The truth is too many politicians
are totally controlled by special
interests and lobbyist.
Donald Trump: We're going to make
America great again.
Donald Trump: [DONALD in voiceover]
I'm Donald Trump,
and I approve this message.
He approves the message.
Hillary Clinton: Wh-Why would you
play a commercial
Hillary Clinton: from my opponent in the
middle of our interview?
Zach Galifianakis: He paid me in steaks.
Hillary Clinton: I would be afraid to
eat them if I were you.
Zach Galifianakis: It's a good cut of meat.
I think it's part of the [bleep] hole.
Zach Galifianakis: Well, this has been a lot
of fun Mrs. Clinton.
Zach Galifianakis: We should stay in touch.
What's the best way to reach you?
Zach Galifianakis: Email?
[voice from device]
You got mail!
[ theme music ]