Wake up and smell the cappuccino, conservatives. This election offers devastating proof we must embrace immigration reform now. It’s our only hope!

Not as the pandering stunt some Beltway geniuses argue will trick liberal minorities into voting conservative. Someone’s gotta be inhaling Colorado’s special herbs to think that’ll work.No, we need immigration reform so Univision can hire more hard-working reporters to do the dirty jobs their American counterparts won’t, like, ask a few tough questions.Imagine a press conference going like this:Mr. President, it’s reported your Attorney General knew your FBI was investigating your Director of Central Intelligence about issues that eventually forced his resignation. Yet Mr. Holder reportedly didn’t tell you for months the CIA could be compromised. Shouldn’t you fire him for keeping you in the dark?Mr. President, on the campaign trail, you proudly declared Al Qaeda is on the run, war is retreating, and peace is breaking out. Yet, with the hit on an American ambassador, Libya nearly a failed state, Syria tottering on the brink, war erupting between Hamas and Israel, and Egypt crouching to jump, isn’t the opposite more accurate: Al Qaeda is resurgent, war is breaking out, and peace is on the run?A follow up, sir? Did your words and actions encouraging the Arab uprisings contribute to the direction events took? Has your heavy use of drone attacks and their collateral damage to civilians created the kind of anti-American “blowback” your predecessor was criticized for?Mr. President, this week you strongly rejected criticism of Susan Rice for misleading the public. You say it’s not fair to attack her because she didn’t have anything to do with Benghazi; you’re the one who asked her to go on the talk shows and spread the Administration’s disinformation about a video protest.That raises a few questions, sir. Secretary Clinton was very involved in the relevant events. Why wasn’t she the one to report to the media and the American people? Why did you put Ambassador Rice in the position of relaying false information? Does that affect her credibility on the national and world stage? If she couldn’t see you were setting her up, how can she hope to tango with the likes of Putin and Ahmadinewhat’shisname?Mr. President, you’re so cool and dreamy! giggle I’ve never seen you lose! How can you stand to deal with those hideous, wrinkly Republicans? Oh…I’m so sorry! I thought this was the American media press conference. I’ll go wait in the other room. We’re just salivating and waiting to slobber on you! Hey, if things don’t work out with Michelle…Moving to the economy, Mr. President, you famously said if you couldn’t fix things in three years, there’d be “a one term proposition.” But most the leading indicators, like jobs, the deficit, the national debt, consumer confidence, are staying bad or getting worse.As we look into what is now an eight-year proposition, what are your goals for successful benchmarks? What kind of employment numbers, job creation, deficit reduction, pay-down on the debt can the American people hope for under your leadership?Mr. President, in the second debate with Governor Romney, you said the biggest misperception about you is that you actually believe the free enterprise system is the greatest engine of prosperity the world's ever known. Would you clarify your position? Is business development that’s planned and directed from Washington the same thing as free enterprise?If there’s a difference, can you name two or three actions you’ve taken--or plan to take--to facilitate free enterprise, as opposed to government-directed enterprise?In that same debate, Mr. President, you touted America’s increased domestic oil and gas production. There was some disagreement with the governor about whether that resulted from your policies or whether it came mostly from private lands in spite of your policies.Can you elaborate? What actions have you taken or will you take to encourage increased oil and gas production on public lands? Is that consistent with your post election order substantially cutting the scope of public leases?Are there severe restrictions on fracking in the works?Finally Mr. President, Los Yanquis in the other room loudly and consistently declare Republicans are obstructionist; they won’t work with you. Their only aim was to make you a one-term president. Ha. They lost, you won; elections have consequences! Felicitaciones!But, that sounds familiar, Mr. President. In fact, isn’t that exactly what you told Paul Ryan at the beginning of your term when he tried to share ideas for getting the economy moving again? Isn’t that when the tone was set?Wasn’t that tone loud and clear in the Stimulus, drafted by Reid and Pelosi with no Republican input accepted? And your signature health care law—not negotiated on CSPAN-- but in fact drafted behind closed doors and crammed down everyone’s throat, against the public will?Isn’t it you who governed as a unilateral partisan from the start? And the only reason the public thinks otherwise is because the Alphabet Soup of professional cheerleaders in the other room are a relentless pack of chupamedias who haven’t held you accountable for a single thing in four years?Wait, Mr. President, wait! That’s my green card you’re using to light your cigar!