Greater New Orleans

The secrets of what Mom really wants

View full sizeT-P ARCHIVES A potted herb plant makes a thoughtful Mother's Day gift."Mom, what do you want for Mother's Day?"

My now-16-year-old was just a tyke of 8 or 9 when he asked me this question, and then totally discounted my answer.

(Was he already in training to someday become a husband?)

"Make me a card, or sing a song for me, " I replied.

"Naw, I want to do something good."

"But I'd love to hear you sing, " I countered.

He harrumphed, as if put out because I was patronizing him, turned and walked away.

It turned out to be a Hallmark year.

I never have figured out how, at such a tender age, he'd been conditioned to believe that store-bought cards were better than handmade, or that a song didn't count as a real gift. At least it was just a phase; he got over it.

If you're starting to fear that this is turning into a schlocky Mother's Day column, relax. That's as rose-colored as I'm going to get.

But what I am going to do is give a few suggestions for all you procrastinators on what to do this weekend for your own moms.

Be forewarned: They all contain the same do-it-yourself element, because, take my word for it, what she really wants is your time, attention and appreciation. And that doesn't come through quite as clearly in a bottle of body lotion.

Plant an herb garden for her. To young children, that might mean putting a few mini pots on a butter dish, adding seeds and placing it on a window sill. For grown children, it might mean actually digging a small bed. (For plant tips, see Green Thumb on Page 14) The beauties of this idea are twofold: There's plenty of room between these two extremes for designing your own plan and, if your mom loves to cook, you just might reap tangible rewards. That's the thing about moms: They're into giving.

Cut flowers are good -- no mom in her right mind would turn them down. But better is to give an artfully arranged basket full of live potted plants that can later be put into the ground or into larger containers. Use plants of different heights, and sticking with only one or two colors will give the arrangement more visual impact. Go a step extra to make it really special. Offer to help Mom plant them later, provide the soil and get your hands a little dirty.

Make a scrapbook of photos of the two of you together, from a trip, a big event or from the course of your life. Give each a caption, at least describing what's in the photo, at best telling her your memories of her from that time or why her presence was special. Crafty types can knock themselves out adding whatnots and trimmings, but that isn't necessary. If you aren't crafty, think of this as a tiny album of photos. That doesn't sound so overwhelming. You just have to show her that, then and now, you're in it together.

Wash her car. Keeping a clean car is hard for moms of all ages. If you want to hire out the work, that's fine, but add some special, personal touch: a scent you think she'll like, a handwritten note or flower left in the seat. Be creative.

Write a note or tell her one specific, personal reason that you appreciate her (not just that she's a good cook, but that she fed your whole football team at that sleep-over back in the ninth grade), or share one specific incident your remember when she influenced you to be a better person.

Spend time with her, doing whatever she likes to do. You don't have to spend a lot of money. Chat, drink coffee. Let her show you off to her friends. Play cards or a board game. Look through old family photos albums together. Have a picnic or take a walk. Because when it's all said and done, your time is the greatest gift.

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Do you have great suggestions of things to do for Mom -- or for Dad . We'll share them with our readers in the next few weeks. Send to: InsideOut, The Times-Picayune, 3800 Howard Ave., New Orleans, LA 70125. Or e-mail to insideout@timespicayune.com.