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December 7, 2011

For years, internet scientists had imagined it. Why else would they draw all that art depicting it? The Genderswap universe clearly existed, and I was finally on the cusp of proving it. The machine was set up, and all I had to do was pull the lever. My hand hovered over it, shivering a little. “Let’s do this,” I mumbled, and pulled. Machinery clacked to life, and an overwhelming whine of electrical discharge pelted my ears. Before me, I could see a light forming, growing bigger by the moment. The portal was being made.
Without warning, there was a person there, my height and my build, shielding eyes from the light. I gasped as this person took a step forward. I flipped off the machine. The instant silence was deafening. I looked across the room, and I saw… him. He looked… well, a lot like me, from the past, but not attempting to be an amorphous blob. He was clearly going for that sort of stubbly but not full beard look, with short cut hair.
“You’re a man?” I said, surprised.
“You’re a woman?” he said right back, in a voice quite similar to mine.
A beat later, and we both burst into laughter.
“Of course we’re both transsexuals in the other dimension as well. Just our luck, right?” he said, trying to catch his breath.
“Mm, so you know what happened? Where you are?”
“Of course, I was building the same machine. Genderswap Dimension, right? I guess I just took the first step before you. I’m Matthew.”
“Heh, of course you are. I’m Alexis.”
“Of course!”
We hugged.
“Lunch?” I asked.
“Sure. My treat, as long as your dimension doesn’t use some sort of crazy bizarro money.” Matthew said.
“Heh, I’m betting it is off. Your Presidents and whatnot should be women, right? Different pictures?”
“Eh, maybe they won’t notice.”

We discussed our dimensions over pasta. We had both been successful, it seemed. Besides the differences in physical bodies, pretty well everything had been the same between our two universes. We knew the same people, though the names were slightly different, and we had both, for the most part, done the same things. There were, of course, minor differences. For example. we shared dating experiences, which were pretty different before we both met our respective Brers. (His was named Bridget, apparently.) Growing up had a similar amount of despair, but of course, different problems based on the physical sex situation.
As we were finishing up eating, though, I dropped the question that I had been planning on asking my other self the whole time. Just because my other self wasn’t happy being born female like I had thought didn’t mean I shouldn’t ask it. “Are you happy?”
Matthew blinked. “Well, yeah. There’s been a lot of rough parts, of course, but I’ve got this family I’ve always wanted, my own house, I’m myself… thinking about having a kid… heh…”
“Lucky,” I said, smiling.
“Yeah, I guess we have that slightly easier than you two, huh? But yeah… happy. I’m happy. Are you happy?”
“Totally. Totally and completely. My life has had a lot of suck, but it’s all worked out. I am happy.”
“Good.”
“Heh, we better go before they realize the money you paid with has a different face on it.”
“Ladies first.”
As we stepped out of the restaurant, a shockwave rippled through the concrete. I lost my balance, and fell against Matthew, which did him in. We toppled to the ground. Other pedestrians didn’t fair much better.
“What the fuck was that?” I asked, getting up.
“…shit. Alexis, look.” Matthew pointed to the horizon. In the direction of my house, a giant beam of light was cracking towards the sky.
“The portal device…” I said softly.
“Probably,” he said. “Was your Brer back from work yet?”
I shuddered at that thought. “Shouldn’t have been.”
“Good. Keys, let’s go.”
I tossed him my keys and we raced to the car, to the house, and to what we’d find there.

Then there’d be adventures! Me and genderswapped me, doing, uh, whatever English Majors who somehow have a portal device do on adventures!
Man, this was a stupid idea. But I just couldn’t get the appeal of talking to myself, but a male version of myself who wasn’t miserable, out of my head. Something in the back of my head kept saying there was something there of value, but after like literally a week of trying to figure out what that kernel of genius is, I sure as fuck don’t know. I’m unsure there is one. I think simply there was some appeal in having a “Matthew” who was not the villain. So often in my mindscapes, male me has been this evil entity, this fake person who is attempting to keep me from being happy. He’s trying to take over my mind, make sure I’m never myself. I’m past all that now, and I guess I want to make amends to the person I could have been. I’m sure I would have made a fine male, but that’s just not what I got dealt. I don’t need to be jealous of this person who could have been, who doesn’t have the problems I’ve had. I just need to be myself.
Anyway, it’s out of my head now. I wash my hands of it.

Maybe that evil Matthew is out there somewhere. Hiding. Waiting. Plotting.