This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Biomom e-mail

Biomom sent me an e-mail yesterday. Suppose it means anything that every computer I've ever had automatically sends her e-mails to junk mail?

It was a short e-mail asking how the kids are doing. No idea what to tell her. Kitty is doing OK, but Bear is really struggling.

She sent pictures of my kids 3 younger sisters, and her and her fiancee. One of the sisters looks so sad. Was hard to look at because it reminded me so much of the pictures of Kitty when she was young. Not physically (this is the sibling that is 1/2 African American), but the eyes.

The hardest part was some of the pictures were taken here in TX. It's a big state and where they were was not really near us, but since birth family is from Nebraska this means they were in the state without telling us.

Now I have 2 decisions to make. One, what to tell Biomom about how the kids are doing. Two, whether or not to show the kids the pictures of the birthfamily in front of the sign showing they were here in TX. There were other pictures so I could leave those out.

6 comments:

I'd definitely leave out the one with the Texas sign...talk about rejection! I'd also be very up front with her about Bear's issues simply to a.) remind her what she'd want to avoid with the younger three and b.) prepare her that once seventeen, he may be on his way back to her. At least your kid's biomom is in contact. I couldn't even get a return phone call from her cell phone when asking about my daughter's newly diagnosed thyroid disorder. And the boy's birthmom, oh she's had twins now. The baby girl didn't survive but the boy is. Nothing like an alcohol fueled pregnancy.

Leave out the Texas picture. Kitty is going to go balistic as it is, the TX pic would unhinge her.

I agree with Jeri about telling her how the kids are doing. "Kitty is doing fine; she has managed to assimilate into the family and school fairly well now, after three years of our constant love and support." "Bear is having more difficulty; he has a hard time trusting anyone, and this is reflected in his relationships." "Both are healthy, physically." Something like that. JMO

having step children..and dealing with a bio on a regular basic... I would email her back..... something on the lines of what purple walls said... if you tell the children of her contact and photos...does this set them back ... will they be out of control for a week... it would my two... so I pick and chose what I want my kids to know... damage control I call it

"Bear is doing as well as can be expected, although we have tried -- and keep trying -- to help him to rise above his past. We are so happy to have some real success with Kitty ..." But yea, that's just mean, isn't it?

About Me

I'm the admin for a large, international support group on Face Book called Parenting Attachment Challenged Children. I have a Masters degree in Social Work, a bachelors in Psychology with a focus on child abuse and neglect, and over 30 years of experience working with children and families, in particular those with special needs
Hubby and I adopted special needs teenage siblings in 2008 - a son, (Bear, age 24) and daughter, (Kitty, age 22). Both are diagnosed with RAD, Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, C-PTSD, brain injuries... and many other diagnoses. We also have two younger bio children, a daughter, (Bob - see the post "What about Bob" if you're dying to know how she got her nickname -age 20) and a son, (Ponito, 18).
I love to help, and I hope my blog provides resources and support for parents struggling with children with attachment and trauma challenges.

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Books, Methods, and Resources Review

BOOKS, METHODS, AND RESOURCES REVIEW

This is a "living anecdotal document" reviewing books and methods specific to the many issues in parenting children of trauma that I have come across over the years. I share it with you, because I wish I'd been able to find resources when we started this process. Please let me know if you have any suggestions, comments, or additions!**********************************INTRODUCTION - Books, Methods, and Resources Review