Thursday, August 5, 2010

While I'm having a lazy week, I felt this is the perfect time to announce my plan for world domination.

The first phase is to become President of the United States. And after being such an awesome President, they will hand over the world for me to rule.

When I become President, I will....

* Get rid of homeowner's associations that prevent you from painting your house purple.

* Creepy bugs will be eradicated from the earth.

* Large doses of Xanax will not only be pumped into the water supply for the Taliban and Al Qaeda, but also in the water supply of all the world leaders.

*Kim Jong ill (that's how I like to spell it) will be placed in a padded room and given a jacket to wear, where he can hug himself perpetually.

* The White House will no longer be white. It will be more like this...

*Marijuana is legal, but taxed heavily to maintain the beautiful new paint job on my new purple house.

* It will be not allowed to be more than 90 degrees F and every homeowner gets a pool.

*Snow will be regulated and only allowed on certain days, like Christmas.

*Gingerism will be declared an official condition and our 100SPF will be covered by insurance.

*Joss Whedon, his brothers and even the Asian Whedon will be in charge of all television programming.

*Firefly will be returned to the air, with an automatic 7 season contract, and Wash is no longer a leaf on the wind.

*No taxes!!! The government will be paying you, for living in this awesome country and making it better.

*Jackie Chan will be Secretary of State. If the other Heads of State don't agree with him, he can Kung Fu them into the next century.

*Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Lesbians and Independents will all be forced to listen to each other, respect each other's views and find ways to compromise and work together. Those who refuse to compromise will be shot.

*Pirates will be re-instated, but they must be from the UK, and look like Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom.

*All single attractive men with cool accents from the UK will be offered free (one-way) airfare and unlimited visas to America. Same goes for Australians, New Zealanders and South Africans. Scottish and Irish included but not the French.

So... do I get your votes? #GingerForPrez2012

Anyone and everyone can vote for me, regardless of your country of origin and location. If you are reading this, you have direct connection to my computer, which is in my house, in America. Which means you qualify to vote for me.