nothing in here is true

Monday, December 31, 2007

yes i cant wait to get back to LA to start my second week at my spanking brand new job. but what a lot of people forget is, i left a pretty awesome job, that i truly loved. one thing i loved the most was writing wacky headlines. here are my faves of ’07 – in no particular order – other than theyre mostly chronological starting with the most recent.

Exclusive Interview with The Most Deceptive Sign in LAScoble Wants to Punch the Designer of the KindleUCSB Students Dressed as Clowns Pun’k The CIA Mr. Whipple Now Squeezing Charmin with the Angels The State of Outdoor Ads in Hollywood Today, aka OMG TMZ Takes Blogging to a New Low, Sponsored by AT&T Dog the Bounty Hunter Pretty Much Hates “Niggers”Lamar Odom Crashes the Boards BenzComcast Hates The Bible & Filesharing & They Lie?Did J.K. Rowling Try To Show Her Hogwarts to Kids Yesterday at the Kodak Theatre? Ficus? Ficyou! Emergency Meeting to Save Doomed Santa Monica Trees Set For TonightSorry Craigslisters “Who Don’t Belong in Orange County”, Your Irvine Brothel Got Busted Guy Hiking with a Guy with a Sword ends up in Hospital Der Scorpions Vill Rock Der Gibson TonightPalm Springs Satanists or just Bored Kids?Both Lanes of 101 Closed, Now Opened, But ScrewedRight Now Van Halen is Getting Even Weirder Dead Body On the 605 Closes Freeway One Reason Not to Jump Off a Bridge This Weekend Stoners Volunteer to Save California by Being Taxed Is Bud Selig a Racist or does he Just Hate Baseball?Bart Simpson Art Determined to be seen in HollywoodWhat the Funky Winkerbean?Fake Osama Hassled in Downtown LA, Real Osama FineThe Family that Robs Together gets Popped TogetherMichael Moore’s Gross Deal is SickThe President is Daring You to Impeach HimFour Delicious Words: Atwater Village Cookie ContestWorld’s Largest Pupusa Determined to be Made in LA Miss USA Falls, Gets Booed, and Still Beats Mexico? Carl’s sues Jack over AngusHey, You Got Salmonella in My Peanut Butter…Thanks in part to her Husband, Hillary Clinton is Assured Much Coveted Reverse-Cowgirl Vote Santa Monicans Told to Quit Bitching About DogsHey You Got Listeria in my Oscar Mayer Louis Rich Chicken Breast Strips with Rib Meat Interview with a dude who looked like Johnny Knoxville at the Dodger Game“One day this shit isn’t going to be people running. One day people are gonna be prepared for police to come and fuck with them.”Size Doesn’t Matter? Tell That to the Porno BurritoA Mind is a Terrible thing to SmellMayor Tony – There’s a Snake on Yr PlaneYahoo Mail Offers Unlimted Storage for your SpamDid Chuck Henry Totally Diss The New Mother Yesterday Who Didn’t Know She Was Pregnant Until Two Days Before The Birth And Also Has A Dead Front Tooth?Dodgers Bury Lede: BEER RETURNS TO BLEACHERSExta, Extra, Inventor of the Remote Dies – Turn Your TV On and Off 21 Times as a Salute Monrovia Mayor Told His Campaign Manager Is A Two-BaggerOC Cop Gets Off in Court after Masturbating on Stripper During Questionable Traffic Stop Attention Virgins: We Might Have Found Something of Interest For You Dear Minorities, Please Give Us Your Umbilical Cord Blood. Love, Kaiser Why Dieting is a Fucking Bitch