Change Your Dating Reality

If you genuinely believe you'll get married, spiritual forces can change to bring it about.

I want to share with you the key to finding the Right One and getting married the quickest way possible -- guaranteed.

It's not hard, doesn't cost any money, and takes only about one minute a day. You already have all the tools you need to make it happen, you just need to apply this for one minute every day.

What will guarantee that you find the Right One and get married the quickest way possible? A key ingredient is to believe in yourself, and I am going to show you why it works, and how to do it the right way.

The word "manifest" means to turn a thought into a thing. Everything you see around you -- cars, houses, the table, a pen -- were all once thoughts that someone turned into a real object. When you manifest something, you make it appear in the real world. Now as a single person, you have an idea that you want to get married, and what you want to do is manifest that idea into reality, to be standing under the marriage canopy.

Through sheer will and determination, people can beat insurmountable odds.

A key underlying force that allows you to manifest an idea into reality is to believe you can do it. We can all relate to times where the situation looked bad, but through sheer will and determination people beat insurmountable odds.

Consider a life-and-death scenario of being out in the wilderness alone. Gordon Smith, an instructor who spent 26 years in the U.S. Army's Special Forces, says: "If you have a guy with all the survival training in the world who has a negative attitude, and a guy who doesn't have a clue but has a positive attitude, I guarantee you that the one with the positive attitude is coming out of the woods alive. Simple as that."
http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/69/fighttosurvive.html

This heightened motivation of people in dire situations appears to be the force that gets them through. But that's not the whole story. The amazing thing is what happens behind the scenes, the real secret to success. There is a stronger metaphysical component at work here.

Remember the Six Day War and the Yom Kippur War? The tiny State of Israel was surrounded by hostile Arab countries numbering over 200 million people. What happened? The Arab countries should have wiped Israel off the map in short order. Instead, Israel beat them all. Miracle!

We call it a miracle when we see a dramatic change in reality. In those wars we see an obvious change of reality -- how God changed a pending defeat into complete victory.

On a smaller scale, you can use the same principle to guarantee that you will get married quickly. Let's explain:

When you believe in something, the sheer force of your will can give God reason to support your goal. Based on your belief, God actually changes reality to make the thing that you want come about. For example: You want to get married, and if you believe with total conviction that you will find the Right One, then God can take your will and actually change reality to cause your soul mate to come to you.

Let's look at the source of this idea, a story in the Talmud (Taanit 8a) about "The Weasel and the Pit." In the story, a young man promised to marry a certain woman. She asked: "Who will be the witness to this pledge?" The only things in the area at the time were a pit, and a weasel walking by. With no other option and in all sincerity, the young man said that the weasel and the pit should be the witnesses.

Time went by, and the young man forgot his pledge. Then he began experiencing serious hardships -- each time involving a weasel or a pit. In the end, he realized why these things were happening, and resolved to keep his pledge. He married the woman, and the misfortunes stopped.

If you really believe in something, God may change reality so that it comes about.

Rabbi Chaim Shmulevitz gives insight on how this works. Obviously, the weasel and the pit have extremely limited powers. Yet when the young man initially designated them to be his witnesses, God took his sincerity into account and actually changed the reality to give the weasel and the pit the ability to uphold the promise.

The same principle is true for you. If you really believe in something, God may change reality so that it comes about.

However, this powerful idea is a double-edged sword. Just as it can work to your benefit, it can be to your detriment by bringing about something that is bad for you. Let's say you meet a really great person on a date, and decide that you absolutely, positively must marry this person.

In reality, though, you may be temporarily infatuated with this person, and in fact they are really bad for you -- and marrying them will be a disaster. Yet if you will it hard enough, and are over-insistent, it is possible that God will allow you to marry that wrong person.

That's why, when you are dating, you should always ask God to help you marry the "right person" and not any specific person.

To summarize, there are two ways you can use this principle positively:

1) Believe in yourself.

If you truly believe that you will find the Right One and get married, then God can change the reality to make it happen.

2) Ask God to bring you the Right One.

The key here is to ask for "the Right One," and not "that one."

On a practical level, you need to make your belief real, by manifesting this idea -- everyday, once a day, for one minute.

Here's how to do it:

1) Say out loud: "I am ready to get married now. I am ready to meet him/her today. I am committed to being a giver in the relationship, rather than a taker."

2) Make one small effort to find them: Check for the newest members on a dating website. Call a matchmaker. Signup for a SpeedDating event. Call a friend and tell them what you are looking for.

Small, consistent steps is the key to success. "By the inch it's a cinch, by the yard it's hard." Meaning, if you take one small action every day, your small efforts turn out to be significant over time. You don't need to work hard, just be consistent.

The more consistent you are, the more you reinforce your belief. By saying positive statements and making small efforts, you send a bigger message to God, who can make it happen.

One of my mom's favorite sayings is, "Think big, be big." And it is very true.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 12

(12)
Anon246,
May 6, 2011 2:48 PM

Nice arty!

Thanks for the advice. It is funny because the first month you do this (or the first year) it is okay. It gets frustrating but I've been trying to do this for a couple of years. Thank G-d I have met some great people but usually it is clear that they are not THE one. It isn't being picky as much as being honest. Some people less time than others. I pray everyone has help from Above with this! best of luck!!

(11)
Anonymous,
December 4, 2005 12:00 AM

Sounds Good, Plus a Miracle

It sounds good, but if only in were that easy. The advice can help, but I know it takes a miracle to meet a Basherte. Some folks find a hard time finding a good fitting shoe, not because they are picky, but because their feet are unique. For me, I need a man who is a special fit......thus the miracle is needed. I will pray! :)

(10)
Robert,
October 28, 2005 12:00 AM

It Worked For Me

After dating all the wrong women for years, I expressed my frustration to a married friend. She simply told me, "you have to decide, really decide you want to meet the right person and marry that person." I took this advice to heart and it changed everything. In a matter of weeks I was dating all the right women. My heart became open to the allowing the perfect person in. 10 years and two kids later it's still perfect.

You have to want it in your heart and don't be afraid to trust G-D.

(9)
Anonymous,
November 10, 2003 12:00 AM

WOW!!

By the inch it is a cinch. I stumbled onto this website by accident. (musthave been God's divine appointment) I am glad I found this article because it gave me an edge for the day.

(8)
Debbie Grant,
October 28, 2003 12:00 AM

This is a very good - and very true - article.

I write from experience - this article is true. Believe that you will meet the Right One, and with God's help, you will!

(7)
Anonymous,
October 28, 2003 12:00 AM

How true!

How true.

Believe in yourself and you’ll get there! As someone who dated for quite a few years and is now happily married, I can say that this article hits the nail on the head. Our sages say “In the way one wants to go, God leads him”.

Don’t get depressed about your situation. Think positive, let God help you and you will get there. Everyone gets what they need. It may take some time, but hang in there!!

(6)
Yisroel,
October 28, 2003 12:00 AM

Power of Positive Thinking

Although, Norman Vincent Peale, popularized this idea, it is definitely a Jewish idea. The Baal Shem Tov says that even the dropping of a leaf from a tree is an act directed by Hashem. So, although, there is, so called, natural cause and effect in the world, this, too, is from Hashem. Faith is above logic, Hashem can do anything, even bring one his/her mate even if they are not in the most ideal place. That is not to say, one should rely on a miracle, but, if a person is stuck in a situation and is persistent and consistent in faith and positive thinking than miracles are indeed possible. The key is to any change is repitition. Saying positive affirmations every day will convince the most cynical or skeptical person. As a great Chassidic Master said, faith is strengthened through speech. Talking about emunah will bring one to stronger emunah. So keep the faith -- over and over again!!!

(5)
michelle,
October 28, 2003 12:00 AM

great article

i have to say ,i really enjoyed this article. aspecially the part about "ask god for the right one , not a certain person." i stronglly belive that sometimes you have to thank god not only for what he gave you , but also for what he didnt. sometimes we find ourselves asking god for something we think we want and need , but i trully believe that if you dont get it , than maybe god knows you deserve better. i was in this cituation , that i asked god to help me be with someone that i thought i was meant to be with , but turned out that it was a good thing that i wasn't.its hard , sometimes you forget to thank god for the not-so-good-things in your life , but everything is for a reason. everything.
god bless you all.

(4)
Anonymous,
October 28, 2003 12:00 AM

G-D IS A MICROMANAGER?!

One of the basic beliefs of Judaism is that G-d manages everything, down to the blade of grass growing...This is what is called Hashgacha Pratis or Divine Providence. I would suggest you study this subject further,Devorah.

(3)
Anonymous,
October 28, 2003 12:00 AM

not sure

Truly, I think the article is a bit unfair. It means that every person who is not married out there is either low on the self-esteem front or not trying hard enough (ie not asking G-d hard enough). That is exactly the problem- you're 30 years old, single, and everyone thinks that they haven't tried hard enough! So you're just adding hurt to injury. Many people are very committed, daven hard, and have a great belief in themselves - and some ppl have low self esteem and - never daven and guess what-they're married. So really, I think this article is one gross oversimplication of a very complicated situation.

(2)
D'Vorah,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

G-d is a micro-manager?

I appreciate Mr. LeVines exhortation that one must believe in himself in order to succeed in reaching his goals, however, I do wonder at the idea that G-d will actually step in and micro-manage the world such that two people will come together.

Additionally, while the steps to "manifesting" one's desire for marriage are certainly necessary, they are, in fact, not sufficient. Sometimes, one is simply not in the company of those who can help turn the dream into a reality.

(1)
Anonymous,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

Believe and it shall be

Thank you for your enlightening article. I believe very strongly in "Manifesting Your Destiny". Have you read the book by the same title written by Dr. Wayne D Dwyer? It's excellent and deals with this same principle, that by consciously asking
G-d for what we want, forces outside of ourselves will make it happen. I know and I strongly believe I shall marry my soul mate.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!