8:59 – Previously on Lost, I missed out on blogging the O6—check that, the O5’s return to the Island. So much for “You all have to go back, Jack.” Meanwhile, back on the farm, Locke learned that he had to get all the O6 to go back & also, he has to die to do it. So he went down the Orchid, turned the frozen donkey wheel & next thing we know, he’s going by “Jeremy Bentham” & supposedly commits suicide, which we know via a note to Jack. I can already tell this is going to be one cheery episode!

9:00 – We open on a shadowy figure. It’s Caesar, the dude who was behind Jack in line at the Ajira counter at the airport. He’s in what appears to be a room with a lot of old stuff from like the 50’s. Also, there’s a random drawing of what we’ve seen to be the Dharma stations/energy fields. You might also have noted it’s also pretty similar to one of the drawings in Daniel’s journal, if you read Lostpedia, which of course I do, because let’s be real, it’s season 5, time to get serious with your mythology.

9:02 – The air marshal who was escorting Sayid, Ilana, comes in. She tells Caesar that they found a man. Standing in the water. In a suit. Who no one remembers from the plane. Caesar wonders if he is one of the ones who “disappeared.” They walk in the dark through the jungle to a campsite. Caesar greets the mystery man, who is obviously Locke. He is pleased to meet Caesar. Dun dun.

9:06 – Locke is standing on the beach. Yes, standing. Ilana greets him. He asks if the boats are theirs. The boats meaning the canoes we’ve seen the Left-Behinders get shot up in. Ilana says they aren’t, but there used to be three of them. The pilot of the plane took off in one with a woman. Frank & Sun? Ilana tells Locke no one remmbers seeing him on the plane. Locke doesn’t remember being on the plane, but he can guess that he’s all dressed up because they were going to bury him in this suit. He remembers dying. Wow, that sucks.

9:08 – Annnd, we back under the Orchid & Christian Shephard again tells Locke to say hi to his son that Locke doesn’t know. FLASH! Locke wakes up just like Ben did in the Tunisian desert. His leg is still really hurt. He looks around and there’s a security camera pointed at him. Weird. He calls for help, but nothing happens for a while. Some time later, it’s dark & a truck drives toward Locke. It almost hits him & some men get out, grab Locke, put him in the car & drives off again. In what appears sto be a hospital, they carry Locke in & a doctor gives him some pills. And by “gives,” I mean, forces him to take. Locke spies a tall man, standing in the background. Oh, I know that figure! I see him Tuesdays at 9 on Fox. That’s Lance Reddick, friends. He doesn’t immediately reveal himself since the doctor is very busy forcefully & painfully bracing Locke’s leg. Later that night, someone tells Locke that he had a compound fracture. It’s Charles Freaking Widmore!

9:13 – Widmore notes that he met Locke when he was 16, but Locke doesn’t look any older. Locke says it’s only been four days since he met him. Widmore knew that Locke would be at that spot in the desert because that’s the exit! Touche. I wonder if there are other exits? Widmore says he was the leader of the Others on the Island for a while, but Ben forced him out. Locke says Ben says Ben wasn’t even there when he left. Widmore tells him that the O6 have been lying for three years since they’ve been rescued. So, wait. Is it always a three year gap when you leave the Island through that portal? So, when Ben left, did he jump forward three years? But, when he jumped, it was when Nadia died. When was that, how long were they married? Confused.

9:15 – Locke asks Widmore why he’s telling him this. Because there’s a war coming, says Widmore. And if Locke isn’t on the Island when it rolls around, the wrong side is going to win. What? WHY? Annnnnd commercial. Aw. Not even enough time for Locke not to ask the correct follow-up question.

9:18 – During this commercial break, I will take the opportunity to say that if you are not watching Fringe, where you can find Lance Reddick usually, you’re missing out. It was a little slow for like three episodes but now it’s totally awesome & I would would I say, one of the most entertaining shows on television. It’s like Lost, minus half the mythology, times twice the snarkiness.

9:19 – Still in Tunisia, Widmore gives Locke a new ID, with Jeremy Bentham’s name, some money & surveillance information on where all the O6 are. He’s been keeping tabs on them since they got back. Locke doesn’t really trust Widmore since, you know, he sent that boat full of C4 & crazy people like Keamy to the Island to kill every living creature there. Widmore says he just needed to get rid of Ben. A SUV pulls up nearby & Widmore says it’s Locke’s ride. Locke mentions that part where Richard Alpert said he had to die, but Widmore pretends he doesn’t know anything about that.

9:21 – Matthew Abaddon steps out of the SUV. He shakes Locke’s hand & Locke seems to notice that he’s met him before, although he doesn’t mention the meeting at the hospital. Abaddon gets a wheelchair out of the car. In the car, Abaddon makes small talk, Lost-style, which is to ask if Locke needs him to “look anyone up.” Locke wants to go to Santo Domingo. What’s in Santa Domingo, I wonder?

9:22 – In Santa Domingo, Sayid builds a house. Habitat for Humanity, I think. He had a visitor…Locke! Sayid doesn’t actually look so surprised. As they talk, it appears Sayid is no longer working for Ben at this point. He was fooled by him for two years. Sayid says that it’s only because he left the Island that he was able to marry Nadia. For nine months. Thanks, show! So Ben jumped forward nine months. Locke doesn’t push too hard about the whole going-back thing, just tells him where he is staying under the Jeremy Bentham name in Los Angeles. Nice & polite, that Locke. Not at all like that crazy person who killed Naomi with a knife last season.

9:25 – Later, in New York, Locke sits in the car in Abaddon. He asks Abaddon to look up Helen. Meanwhile, Walt, Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalt!!, exits a building. Abaddon notes that he’s gotten bigger. HA! Walt spots Locke & Locke waves. Abaddon leaves them alone & Walt comes over. He’s not surprised to see Locke because he’s been having dreams of Locke on the Island with a suit on. Walt asks about Michael & clearly no one got around to telling him about the part where he got blown up with C4. Locke lies that Michael’s on the freighter near the Island. He just says that he wanted to see if Walt was okay. He is. Well, at least someone involved in this mess is.

9:28 – As Walt leaves, Abaddon comes back over to help Locke back into the car. He thought Locke needed them ALL to come back. That’s what I thought too, Matthew!! And ALL does include Walt then?? Great, that’ll really screw that kid up. As they get in the car, we see that Ben is watching them from a distance. He does not look pleased.

9:31 – In Santa Rosa, CA, Locke wheels up to Hurley at the mental hospital. Hurley doesn’t even blink. He thinks that Locke is one of his dead visitors. Locke informs him otherwise. Hurley asks a nearby nurse to make sure & when she says yes, freaks out to realize it’s true. Locke pitches the whole “going back” thing & Hurley’s totally not about that. Suddenly, Hurley spots Abaddon nearby, ruining any hope Locke had to getting him to convincing him. Back in the car, Abaddon tells Locke he needs to step up his game, or they’ll all be in trouble.

9:33 – Abaddon tells Locke to stop with this charade where he pretends like he doesn’t remember Abaddon from when he was an orderly & when he told Locke to go on the walkabout. And so, they move on. Next is LA, visiting Kate.

9:35 – Kate says no. Just…no. No, no, no…no. Heh. Kate makes this into an issue where Locke never loved anyone & that’s why he wanted to stay on the Island. No, Kate, he wanted to stay on the Island because his life on the mainland was miserable & on the Island he could walk & a group of crazy people totally made him their leader. Locke tells Kate he did love someone…Helen. It just didn’t work out. Neither does this trip.

9:37 – Outside, Abaddon has totally failed to find Helen. Only, not so much. Locke calls him out on it & Abaddon takes him to Santa Monica. Hey, I’m in Santa Monica! And so is Helen. Dead. Bummer. Abaddon tries to comfort Locke & use the opportunity to push the fate thing again. Locke’s fate led him here. Locke rejects him out to the half-court. His fate is apparently to die & he doesn’t want to die. As they’re getting in the car, Abaddon is shot as Locke is sitting inside. He’s looking very very much dead. Oh well, back to Fringe, I guess. Death’s never been much of problem on that show.

9:39 – Locke climbs into the driver’s seat as the shooting continues. He takes off & speeds directly into a huge car crash. Locke’s unconscious & bloody in the front seat. Annnnd scene.

9:40 – Well, I’m kinda bummed that Abaddon’s gone. It kind of felt like they just brought him back to kill him off. I’m a little annoyed.

9:42 – I’m totally psyched for the two-hour Brothers & Sisters movie event. Someone better die for real, I’m not even kidding. Like someone significant. I wouldn’t even mind if it was Rob Lowe, even though it’s not going to be, just because it’d be surprising.

9:44 – Locke’s back in the hospital, looking busted up. Although not as busted up as you’d think after that extremely effective stunt-choreographed crash. Dr Jack is there. He’s at grizzly beard, stage 1. He wants to know what Locke’s doing here. Locke chooses this moment to pitch “We have to go back.” Wrong move, my bald friend. Jack doesn’t want to hear about fate, bro! Locke tells Jack someone tried to kill him, cause he’s really busy & important. Jack is totally harsh & tells Locke he’s not important or special & he’s just a lonely old man who crashed on the Island. As Jack is leaving, Locke tells him his father said hello. Whoa. He’s not as stupid as he acts sometimes. Locke tells him that he said his name was Christian. Jack isn’t having it. He tells Locke to leave the rest of them alone. Oh Jack, just wait for it.

9:47 – In a motel room, Locke writes the suicide note we see later. So he did actually write it. Way to guilt Jack for your death, jerk. He puts the note in an envelope & put the envelope into his pants. Then he goes over to the desk, gets out an extension cord he bought & sets up a makeshift noose. The music gets extremely ominous & sad as he puts the noose around his neck. He gets ready to step off the desk….when someone knocks on the door!

9:50 – It is, of course, Ben. He bursts in & begs Locke to stop. Ben tells Locke that he’s been watching Sayid & the others, that he knew Locke was here. He tells Locke to calm down. Locke figures out that Ben was the one who killed Abaddon. Dude. Ben admits it & says Abaddon would have eventually tried to kill Locke. He tells him Widmore is why he moved the Island. He tries to get Locke to let him help him. Locke goes into full-on self-pity mode. He’s a failure, he says. He couldn’t get anyone to go with him, not one of them! Well, he didn’t even try with Sun. Shouldn’t have wasted that time going to see Walt. Ben lies through his teeth & says that Jack booked a ticket to Sydney. Then again, maybe he isn’t lying, we know that Jack’s been flying a lot. Hmmmm.

9:53 – Ben soothes some more & eventually coaxes Locke off the table. The extension cord is still around his neck as he sits there, crying. Ben says they can try Sun. But Locke tells him about the promise he made Jin & gives Ben the wedding ring. Locke takes the cord off his neck & thanks Ben. Locke tells Ben that they need to go see a woman named Eloise Hawking. The name rings a bell with Ben. Does Ben know her, asks Locke? Why ye he does, says Ben…and goes to strangle Locke to death with the extension cord! OMG! Ben killed Locke! Ben killed Locke!! OMG!!

9:54 – Annnnd scene. That’s f$%#ed up, dude.

10:00 – Actually? Better Off Ted could be really good. Or, it could be terrible, who knows?

10:01 – Ben cleans up his mess, hanging poor Locke up to make it look like suicide. He takes Jin’s ring, takes one last look back & tells Locke he’ll miss him. For realz. Ben leaves & we get one last glorious shot of Locke hanging.

10:03 – Back on the Island, Locke walks in on Caesar as he’s reading a Dharma file. Looks like the Hydra logo. Locke tells Caesar about Dharma & that he knows about it because he’s been on the Island for more than100 days. Caesar wants to ask Locke a question. He says he was sitting by someone on the plane & when the turbulence hit, that someone was gone. Locke says that he thinks he knows what happened. But he has to find his friends. Caesar doesn’t have the passenger manifest either, Frank took it when he took off. He asks Caesar if everyone’s accounted for, besides the people who disappeared. Caesar’s like yeah, totally. Except for, you know, the people who got hurt. Eh? What people who got hurt?

10:04 – Locke walks around the shelter where hurt passengers are laid out. He stops at one, staring intensely. Caesar asks if he knows the passenger. Yep, he does. That’s the man who killed him. DUN DUN DUN!