Jessica Alba picks wedgie

I spent a good half hour staring at these pictures, trying to decipher just what exactly it was that I was looking at. I went in assuming it was Jessica Alba picking her bikini wedgie, but then I saw the cellulite and realized that this couldn’t be Jessica Alba. The Jessica Alba I know is so flawless that a homeless man actually burst into flames after touching her because he was too ugly, and the idea of her having cellulite on her butt or thighs is just plain ridiculous. Plus, whoever this imposter is is clearly masturbating in public, since nobody on Earth picks a wedgie like that, and Jessica Alba would never need to masturbate since the line of men waiting to offer her their penises is so long that it can be viewed from space.