Atheist Blogger- the godlessvagina / Podcaster the pink atheist

Our Pattern Seeking Hearts.

The sweet lingering air, and summer breeze, they remind us of old times when we were young and the world seemed so big. It was the time of our lives. A time for making patterns, learning the world, and forming ideas of the future. We were working with our senses to form patterns. Looking to find the easiest and best way from A to B. As adults we continue the process. Every new memory is stored as a connection to a pattern. In essence we build long pattern chains trying to always find how A goes to B. This can be vital when doing tasks, learning new information, and keeping us from harm. It is our rational response. We have to know things to follow and do because there is some comfort in it for us. The comfort it is buying us may not be always the best though. There are times when patterns from our past can destroy hope for the future.

We all fall along the same lines. We want love and to be loved, but once a heartbreak has occurred it is easier to just find a pattern and say that it will be this that makes love go wrong. That is not only untrue, but can be toxic to the future prospects. Things the remind us of a painful past can cause heightened responses. A smell, a food, a place, and behavior. All of these can be tagged in our memories as uncomfortable or even unwanted based on the past experiences. However, it can be very limiting to keep the pattern associations. We can box our selves in so much that any potential love or romance is off the table. That is when the patterns need to be analyzed and perhaps with professional help.

When it comes to romance patterns can make or break everything. Be to careless and you are sure to face heartbreak, be too cautious and it can lead to long term loneliness. The over all affects our patterns have are powerful. When a person we loved had a certain smell, the reminder of it can bring back pain, and sadness, or even anxiety. The maneuvering to avoid it can limit your potential to find a mate, and in fact those who are able to overcome the intense pattern behavior are those who often recover faster and enjoy more romance. Ironically those who tend to be highly intelligent tend to cling longer to patterns and suffer from the consequences of them. This is not the case for everyone, sometimes patterns can catch up with us all.

When to notice a problem.

When you find yourself alone time after time and no one seems to fit the bill, or you are always finding something wrong so that you can break away, and not get emotionally attached, or invested in love or relationships the patterns may be overtaking your life. When it seems that every person on earth is no good for anything, and you begin to distrust all people and even hate them, then patterns might be taking over your life. The fact is that this thinking leads to toxic behavior. We can all have really good friends who love us, but for them to tell us how much damage we are doing to ourselves is sometimes beyond them. Often our friends and loved ones are the first to hope recovery will come with time. This is not only harmful to the person who has become self isolated, but can lead to depression and mental health issues.

Humans are primates, and part of a social species. When we stop enjoying each other then it is time to question what is behind those feelings. While all humans may not be trustworthy, many of them are. While all people may not make good potential mates, they may make good potential lovers. Experience is key to learning here. Instead of the patterns the person should be encouraged to take life less serious based on the past hurt and pain, and try to relive instances where they can make new connections. Otherwise it can lead to irrational thinking. Our rational minds should be able to say, A can happen, and B can happen but in reality an alternate C could happen. Two of those we might enjoy while the third we may not, but life is full of random chances. What we believe may be wrong based on past experience could be right based on a new experience. This is not true for every situation, but it is for most. Just because the past has held some pain we should not be inclined to limit the future to avoid all pain.

Pain is a part of life. We are helpless but to face it. What makes us stronger is living through it and rationally noting that not every time or way is the situation the same. It makes us stronger to go forward and be unafraid of the life we want and the love we need. After all love is another social construct, one which holds many benefits for us, and our bodies. People who love and enjoy life tend to live longer, and healthier. So even if you have faced a traumatic love or toxic love in the past, it is never too late to break those patterns and try again. Perhaps try something that you once saw as toxic, because it was linked only to a bad memory. Let go of the past and enjoy the future, and don’t be afraid of the best things in life. Love offers stability and security, sometimes for a short while and some times for a lifetime. We may not always get love right, but unless we try there is no hope of ever getting there.