Brace yourself, the content inside may be confusing

Why 80% of who I am is rant

Hi. I’m Grant. See my name? The latter 4 letters spell a word in their own right. Rant. You got it. And if you know me, you’ve probably heard this phrase or comparison before. But I’m also bipolar. I feel like that makes me prone to rants of sort in general.

Oh yeah, that show, Supernatural? I still have rant on that impeding my watching it. Stopped in the middle of season 7. Or government? Yeesh, don’t get me started.

More and more I start gaining real interest in the discussion of perception and philosophy. I want people to consider what motivates them. What they think motivates others. What they think is right and wrong with the world. No body is wrong, I wouldn’t argue everyone is right though. Too many variables in that.

The 40 minute rant tonight? What is communism? Heh. A good rant. I actually brought out my copy of “The Communist Manifesto” to back me up. I’ll give you the short version. “Communists”? Like the governments in China or Russia for example. Those aren’t communists. They are more or less, in my opinion, despotic rules performed under the guise of communism. This might be left over from some of the attempts at revolutions in the 1800s. Communism was meant to be a good movement. One away from militarized force and absolute rule. One where everyone contributed what they could and received just as much from the sovereign. In essence, communism is an entirely naive idea, one that could never be brought in true fidelity in this world. As a friend of mine said, “communism looks good on paper”.

But enough of that, I spent 40 minutes shouting about it. Pretty glad my girlfriend didn’t have to endure it. Just to be clear, I do not sympathize with the governments that identify themselves as communist. I just believe that to be a complete perversion of the idea. I go on to criticize current global economies and our role in them. In the end, it means nothing. I’m just getting from one angry place to another, with some strange sense of “this is just”. But again, I make no decisions, and I have no control in that regard.

I’ve been like that a little bit lately. I think it’s just an “episode” of sorts, still mostly mild, but still here. I don’t hurt people. I don’t like people that do anything that does. I don’t judge people either. And things I once thought I was above, are merely things I don’t like. I don’t need to be on a moral ladder or any position over another just because I disagree. It simply means I don’t agree. I do not tolerate people that cause others pain intentionally, whether it is the motivation or not.

But ranting as I do, also tends to reflect on my current state. Unsatisfied. Wanting justice to be present. So I pray after I yell about things for nearly an hour (ok, maybe not really yelling the whole time, I got quite a bit of normal voice in too). I tell myself I’m just passionate about some of these things. And I don’t really know if that’s true or just another rationalization.

I know that I can love people with dissent between us. My ideals need not align for me to wish you good health and a wonderful future. But these rants. They feed my anger in a way I determine is just. I don’t act in impassioned anger. I merely speak in it. As though I see too many injustices on a daily basis that my mouth opens and my brain just passes it a speech I was not aware I rehearsed.

I’m a great public speaker. In part because I can understand rhetorical approach. This bleeds through even in rants. But, do I embrace this side of me? It doesn’t seem to go away. But, it rarely leaves me pleased with myself after. Maybe I should take a more active role? I don’t know. These are all wonderful things to consider. But then again, maybe it’s just an episode?

Well. Just trying to gain some perspective. On another night where the meds don’t set in nearly fast enough. I think I’m still doing well. Just have a lot to comment on when I’m not at the computer I guess. For “rant” is 80% who I am.