'Kourtney and Kim Take New York' recap: Episode 5

January 02, 2012|By Maria Parson

This week’s episode is all over the place. We begin with Scott and his buddy “Chris” with a C, on their way to lunch. As they stroll, a fabulous $1.5 million grand piano catches Scott’s eye. He sees it as a symbol of wealth but decides to go with a baby grand instead. At the other end of the spectrum, we see Kourtney fall into the extreme couponing craze. I guess the “opposites attract” adage is at least somewhat true in this case.

Meanwhile, Kris Humphries is unrelenting in his quest to uncover Jonathan’s sexual preference. This ongoing conversation starts at the beginning of the episode, where Kim and Kris are on a double date with Simon Huck and his beau, Dane. Jonathan comes alone and explains that he wasn’t aware that this was an actual group date. On the way home, Kris and Kim discuss Jonathan’s sexual orientation. Kris just won’t give up and asserts that it is obvious – at least to him - that Jonathan is homosexual.

Later, Kim and Jonathan are shopping for potpourri and candles. They let Kris tag along, where he openly questions Jon’s sexuality in the middle of the store. Kris says that he thought that Jonathan would want to share something like this with his close friends. Are the two that close? Didn’t think so.

Back at the hotel, the paparazzi arrive for the delivery of the baby grand. Then, enter Kourtney: “Did the hotel bring a piano here?” Surprised by this impulse purchase, Kourtney challenges Scott to learn a song in exchange for sex. Seems fair, right? If he doesn’t learn the song, she declares that the piano is going back. Oh, I left out one major detail – they get to have sex on top of the piano. Scott learns a few lines, they “do the dirty” atop the Steinway, but it goes back after all. I can’t even wear a pair of jeans and get a refund, but they get to have sex on a piano before returning it? Not fair! Well, it’s probably best that they returned this thing, rather than forcing Scott to learn to play. He compared learning to play the piano to wanting to kill himself. Of course, we wouldn’t want that. Wait. Would we?

AGAIN, Kim and Jon get into a conversation about his sexual orientation. After they both dance around the subject, Kim cuts to the chase – and then we cut to commercial. Wait for iiiiiit. Jonathan’s response is that he doesn’t like to be a dater or “tied down” by anyone. Still not ready to give up, the couple reaches out to Simon Huck, who confirms that, as the “mayor of gadar,” there are “no reported incidents” proving that Jonathan is homosexual. However, as the mayor of Douchery, Kris Humpries confirms that Jonathan is “not not gay” and urges us to do the math on that one. The drama doesn’t stop here though. At lunch, Kris and Jonathan get into a heated argument after Kris halfheartedly apologizes for his behavior at the fragrance shop. This “apology” is all under the veil of trying to get to know Jonathan a little better. However, Jonathan isn’t buying it and calls Kris out on his ignorance. Low blows and F Bombs were thrown all over the place! My favorite jab of the day – Jonathan asks Kris if he had ever flown in a private jet before meeting Kim. Meanwhile, Kim is torn on who to defend. She ultimately tells Jon that he went too far but still manages to smooth things over. At least for the moment. The group later meets up at Jonathan’s house before he goes out for drinks with a lady friend. Kris still isn’t dropping the subject, but after much continued inquisition, Jonathan tells his friends that he is heterosexual. Eventually, Kris offers what finally seems like a sincere apology, and the guys appear to bury the hatchet on this one.

Meanwhile, Kourtney is ready to take her couponing skills to the next level, but the family immediately stages an intervention. They convince Kourtney that she doesn’t need to buy toilet paper, since the hotel stocks that for them. I also noticed some Beef Jerky in the pile of coupon purchases. That sealed the deal for me: I agree that this girl is out of control with her couponing. She wouldn’t let Kim get Mac N Cheese, but Beef Jerky is acceptable? I don’t think so! I mean, who isn’t a fan of saving a few dollars, but come ON, Kourtney! She’s clearly wasting more money than she is saving, and Mac & Cheese is so much better than Jerky!! It doesn’t seem to take much to convince Kourt that she needs to cut back on the couponing. She decides to limit her coupon hunting to just one day per week, only buying things she needs. Like toilet paper.

Side note – is anyone else noticing a trend with Kris Humphries’ obsession with jumping off balconies? He talked about it twice this week, and in the season opener. Just a little weird. Oh well, we got a sneak preview of next week’s episode – and I can’t wait to see what kind of debauchery ensues when Scott and The Hump go out to party again!