Travels with Amy.

How many students does it take to screw in a lightbulb at...

In celebration of nearing the end of "OMG My Kid is Applying to College and We're Gonna be in Huge Whopping Debt to the Institution of Higher Education of his Choice" year, I give you...

How many students does it take to screw in a lightbulb at...

Vanderbilt: Two--one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay the bill

Princeton: Two--one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician

Brown: Eleven--one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience

Dartmouth: None--Hanover doesn't have electricity

Cornell: Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure

Penn: Only one, but he gets six credits for it

Columbia: Seventy-six-- one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest

Yale: None--New Haven looks better in the dark

Harvard: One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

MIT: Five--one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch

Vassar: Eleven--one to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation

Middlebury: Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion

Stanford: One, dude

Oberlin: Three--one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one

Georgetown: Four--one to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at the American U. students

Duke: A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket

Tufts: Two--one to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student

University of New Hampshire, Durham: Four--one to walk to the general store and have them order a lightbulb from Concord, one to pick it up in six to eight weeks, one to screw it in, and one to go to his class and sleep for him while he is doing it

Sarah Lawrence: Five--one to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it

Swarthmore: Eight--it's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress

Boston University: Three--one to change the bulb and two to do his math homework

Wesleyan: Wesleyan's boycotting GE... you know,military-industrial complex and all that

Connecticut College: Two--one to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the light bulb wouldn't go out

Virginia: Thirteen--Ten to form student committee to vote on whether changing light bulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change the bulb, one to hold the keg the he's standing on, and another to attribute electricity to Mr.Jefferson.

Bowdoin: Three--one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb,one to take the chairlift back to school,and one to screw it in

Boston College: Seven--one to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time

Santa Clara University: One--but you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford gets press for changing their lightbulbs