My Catfish Story

I guess I'll start at the beginning. This is my experience as a catfisher, not a victim of catfish. Sorry for the kind of long length. I met this guy online through gaming. It was pretty much by sheer chance when he joined a game I was in. We talked for a little while and then he added me as a friend. As the days went by we couldn't stop talking to each other. We would chat whenever we could and would stay up late at night just talking. A few weeks later he asked for my number and I gave it to him. We were always in contact, whether through text or chatting. This was the case for several more weeks. Then he pegged the question. "What do you look like?" "Can you send a picture?" I was terrified. I also forgot to mention that I lied about my age. At the time I was 12 and he was 15, so I just lied and said I was 15 too. I didn't know what to do when he asked. I had gotten into catfishing. I had multiple profiles on different sites with pictures of girls that were not me and quite older than I was. I had quit, bt still had some pictures of these girls lingering on my phone. I felt almost felt obligated to send a picture, even though it was my choice, no one made me do it. I didn't want to because I knew in the long run if he found out then it would hurt him. I was stupid, I was just scared of being judged for my looks instead of just being honest and straight with him. But my idiot self sent a picture of a girl that was not me. I sent one that had some of the same features as me, but was most definitely not me. He told me he was speechless and said I was beautiful. It hurt a little knowing that he thought it was me, but I brushed that aside and we continued talking. Months or maybe a year pass and we grow more and more closer. He has told me incredibly personal things, things that he couldn't tell anyone else. I have told him some things too, leaving out the insecurities that have grown over the months. I couldn't tell him that I really feel ugly and hate myself because he's thinking he's talking to this beautiful girl, it just wouldn't make sense. I felt bad leaving out my true feelings and my real identity, but I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth. A few more months pass and he confesses something to me. He gives me a long paragraph telling me his feelings. He tells me he loves so much, and that I am all he thinks about. He loves me so deeply and says that I have saved his life when he had suicidal thoughts. He suffers from depression, I am often the one he goes to for help or just to have someone listen. He asks me to be his girlfriend. It really breaks my heart hearing this. I have had strong feelings for him, but I wasn't sure whether I wanted to pursue a relationship or not. I knew I couldn't though. I didn't want him being in a relationship with someone that wasn't who he thought it was. So I told him no, and apologized for it. He was obviously kind of upset, but he understood and didn't hold it against me or anything. Now I'm just gonna fast forward to my current situation. We have still been talking and it's been a total of two years. We have grown a little distant over time, but that's partly my fault because my lies have been gnawing at me. He's 17 right now, and I am 14. I know I'm young and the deceit was a mistake. However I have decided to finally tell him, everything. My age, my looks, and the truth to my countless excuses to never skyping or video chatting when he would ask. I'm telling him in a few days and I am terrified of what he might think and what will happen to our relationship. I guess if I had a question, it would be how do I tell someone that I care so deeply for that I have been lying to him? I am done with the lies and now I just want to be completely honest with him. He even said his family is moving to my state, not for me obviously but for other business matters. He doesn't have to go, but one of the only reasons he would go is to meet me, and like I said I just want to tell him everything before he makes a big decision like that. I know what I did was horrible, but all I want is just some advice on how to tell him. If you have any other comments please share them with me, but try not to be to be too negative, I realize what I have done is unacceptable and deceitful.

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Even what you wrote in this post is really good. It's very thoughtful letter. So you weren't honest. Hopefully, this experience just teaches you to always love and be yourself, even if it's difficult sometimes. That your friends will like you for who you are and what you look like. And if they don't..who cares. It's clear that you never intended to hurt him and how do you stop a lie? Guess you just have to take a deep breath and put your truth out there and whatever happens, happens. It's important to acknowledge that the friendship was real and the only thing you lied about was your age. And because of your age and your insecurities that is why you never showed him your face etc. He will most likely be hurt and may not want to talk to you for awhile, but he also may totally get it and forgive you. Hope for the best and prepare for the worse. This is really important for you to set yourself free from this and move forward with a clear conscience. You never know how someone will react. I think it's good that you turned him down when he wanted to become boyfriend/girlfriend, otherwise the lies would have deepened. In the case, that you do meet - please be sure to have someone else with you like a parent. He may be who he says he is. But you always want to be careful meeting anyone over the internet. Not everyone is so innocent. Good luck and sending you positive vibes that it goes well.

5 years ago

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Thank you for the supportive comment! Already it has boosted my courage and made me think long and hard how I'm going to tell him. And of course meeting with a friend or parent is never being to careful. He has sent me several pics of himself, and he isn't the hottest guy out there, he is slightly heavy, but that isn't something that I care too much about. I am sure that he is who he says he is because he always wants to video chat and such, but like you said you can never be too careful if we decide to meet. Thanks again!

5 years ago

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Well you just have to build up you confidence and courage and tell him. Don't be ashamed to say that you lied because when your around that age, your really pressured by what you "should" look like. Us girls at that age look on TV and see pretty celebrities and think we should look like them?! But most importantly I think you should make yourself up really pretty and send him a really pretty picture of your real self. It may not be the girl he fell in love with but he might think you look way better than her so you never know. MOST IMPORTANTLY tell him you wanna remain friends no matter what because at the end of the day you guys do have stuff in common and probably have shared things with each other that you haven't told anyone else :)