Ony yesturday I seen Wild Bill eating salad in a tv commercial. He had a strap-on siren an' was bein' spanked vigamouslly by a fine lookin' woman wif roojed avocados while the sireen went HOOOOOOoooooEEEE....

At least I think that's what I seen. It ran purdy late and woke me up from a sound sleep on the USA channel.

Rustic, I went and mooned the moon like you sed and got caught by the local police who whupped me wif radishes and tied me to the flag pole down at the town square. I hope this squares you and me as I feel thet I habv gone above and beyond to recclify ar bond obv frendship. Ef you kin think obv enny obver display to mek you satisfied let me know an' I will try to schedool it accordianly. Yore Sarvant, Tweed

You're mistaken. He just couldn't keep up. He is overweight in mind and body and doesn't quite click like he did bck when he was only in his 50s. He's overly vunerable to little things like gravity and inertia and his dexterity is badly compromised. His wit stops by for occasionaly visits, and his memory turns on nce a week just in case anyting interesting has crept into it by mistake, but by and large he couldn't handle MOAB if it crawled in to bed with him. (Which we will NOT let it do!!) He's dull, man! He sings off key, can't focus and needs help with his polyester tops.

Nah! We're just hesitant to post anything "cutting edge" for fear that Shatner will post here. We're trying to stay out of Shat's field of view. It's sorta like avoiding the crushing bore at a dinner party.

I note that William Shatner has not dropped in here in some time. This means that the MOABS has ceased to be relevant. It's no longer cutting edge. Sad. I fear it's too late to do anything to change that.

Well, Amos, I should explain that it was a little experiment, to see how many windows I could juggle and still see what I was doing when aiming at a numerical goal. Ever since you hit the big 2222, there has been a little number-envy in our midst.

I would want you to put in each of the above posts, were it not too late, some sparkling dissertaion or pithy slice of truth or p'raps a succinct vignette or haiku in which the Spirit of the MOAB might resonate!!

I yam so danged sorry Rustic thet I made mention obv melons, moons, stars, rooje or ennything else thet wuld embarrass you in enny way. In fack I am flogging myself vigomously wif barbed wire as I type. Please forgibv my indissertion, I will try an do better. Roojed melons habv no place in a discursion on BS at all and in all liklihude, git me varnished for life. Tonite I will go out and moon the moon ef you think it will do sum gude. Yerz, Tweed

I am most embarassed by yore embarassment, ma'a'am and I heartily apologize for contributing to any discussion about melons in association with your own superior structure. Thank you for coming back to the MOAB, where you are welcome and wanted.

You mean I have to leave this intelligible conversation to go look at some fat naked guy in the shower? Rapaire, I hope you bathe with melons.Now, I think I have to defend myself and some talk about melons.I referred to the moon, in another post as a melon, but oh-no, nobody ran with that...Instead someone had to embarrass me to the point of not posting on MOAB for three days. Instead, some perverted mind picks up on a mention of the sweet fruit of the loins and turns it into the sweet fruit of the breasts, and thought they should run with it, (and you all know of who I speakith(sp?) of).If I were a nursing mother and my breasts dripping of the sweet juices like a melon, I would certainly excuse such talk, but since I am not a nursing mother dripping of the sweet juices I can only surmise that someone needs to go out into to the forest and bare there bareness to the moon.

That shore proves a heap, don't it? Here's a quote from a letter _I_ got from your father, Rapaire:

"It is with great regret that I inform you that my son, whom I cherish most deeply, is given to flights -- not to say rhapsodies -- of imagination at times, and as such can be found drifting occasionally, unmoored and fancy-free beyond the edges of normal reality. In spite of this he is a fine upstanding citizen, and I will vote for him as soon as his campaign is clarified...

Well, I don't belileve that's you, Rap. Too much cognitive dissonance, incompatabilities and such. That looks like some fat middle-aged guy dressed up in a Halloween costume because he can't find his role model. Not you at all!!

Be it know to all MOABites that I, known throughout the Known and Unknown Universes and Dimensions, known throughout the Places Between, as "Rapaire", have deigned to post a picture of myself both at "Profiles" and at "Photos."

What did you last play with it? Could it be ashamed and hiding in embarrassment? Might it be annoyed with you for not using it as often as you use, say, a capo? Did you somehow frighten the poor thing? Could you have made it feel so unloved and unwanted that it left home?

Remember, if you love it, let it go, and if it loves you it will return.

HELP!!! I can't find my slide! It's a regular nickel-plated Stevens Steel slide for lap-style/Dobro playing. I just used it a few days ago and I would swear I put it in the little catchall on the bookcase that all the small musical crap gets thrown into, but it's not there. I've looked everywhere I can think of. I've found two glass slides for bottleneck playing, a rolling capo, an autoharp tuning wrench, three string winders, two electronic tuners that need batteries, and an untold numbers of picks, but no Stevens. Has anybody seen it? If you have one and it gets lost, where do you usually find it? Do you think it might just be hiding and doesn't want to be found? Have I used it since Marion left? Maybe she stole it! Nah! She wouldn't do that! Maybe the Universe is trying to make me play banjo tonight! Or maybe, shudder, God wants me to start playing accordion!

Lucidity is optional. So are clothes, sanity, a job, the ability to play an instrument well or at all, education, grammar, spelling, sense, and almost everything else.

What is mandatory is that you understand that there are only 10 kinds of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don't. Or maybe it's not mandatory. But whatever is not forbidden is required, and whatever is not required is forbidden, except that whatever is forbidden is not required, except in months with a "w" in them and/or during a full moon after the 12th of any month if the ambient temperature at standard pressure is greater than 0 degrees Kelvin.

You do understand, Sttaw baby, that a single post does not mean you are a bona fide MOABite. You are now entitled to refer to yourself as "One Who Has Posted to the MOAB", but you must post repeatedly and spout copious amounts of unadulterated BS before you can call yourself a true MOABite.

Alternatively, if you have spouted copious amounts of unadulterated BS in other threads, or even in other forums, or in print, or on videotape, or if you happen to be a practicing member of any religious sect which worships Andy Kaufmann, Sam Kennison, The Three Stooges or The Marx Brothers, please provide documentation of said spouting in the form of links to appropriate posts, copies of appropriate publications or videotapes, or notarized documents certifying membership in appropriate religious sect and you will be afforded the title "Honorary MOABite" until such time as your actual posts to this, the Mother of All BS Threads have earned, for you, the right to call yourself a genuine MOABite.

By the way, the fact that your one post makes absolutely no grammatical sense will not be held against you. Lucidity is optional here on the MOAB.

HAW!!!! Tell me now...who among us culd not love the Poet Larious for hiz gentlemanly manner?

I sure am glad it was Tweed that mentioned the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons. I sure am glad it was Amos that responded to Tweed's mention of the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons. I am far too much of a gentleman to mention the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons in a public forum. No sir! Not I! I would never even consider mentioning the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons. There are lot's of things I'll talk about here on the MOAB, but the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons aren't two of them.

I yam figgering thet Rustic is summat obv an exotic critchur and dances in the moonlite and so forth Amos, so there fore it comes to my disseazed mind thet it iz ony natural thet she would rouge up her melons a bit now and then. Still habv not recieved enny nekkid photos obv her but am waiting patiently.