THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Monday, March 4, 2013

WHY I RUIN GOOD SHIRTS DOING CHORES - a Cranky re-run

WHY I RUIN GOOD SHIRTS DOING
CHORES

It is Cranky re-run Monday. This post is from March 2012﻿

Nothing upsets a woman quite like her man ruining a
perfectly good shirt doing dirty chores.Why do men wear a good shirt to do gardening work, change oil, or paint a
room?

Sometimes, I admit, we just do not think.If we see something that needs fixing while
wearing a good clean shirt our one track minds go right to the task without even
thinking of the consequences of dirt or grime.Often, however, the fault lies at the clean freak gene that makes up
every woman’s DNA.

Women do not save dirty shirts.When a shirt gets a stain it gets thrown
away.Often it gets thrown away as a
penalty to her man for soiling the garment in the first place.Dig in the garden in a clean shirt; it will
get thrown away.Do a quick paint
touchup and drip onto your new shirt; it gets thrown away.Fix a sticky door and get grease on your
shirt; it gets thrown away.Spaghetti
sauce on your new shirt?Bye bye new
shirt.

“Look what you’ve done!Now I have to throw it
away!”

The next time the man plans to do a dirty job he
cannot find a dirty shirt to work in.They have all been thrown away.

While I was married to the unstable wife, I had a
beautiful pair of overalls.They were 60
years old.They were my Dad’s.They were broken in and comfortable.Paint and oil stains covered 80% of these
overalls.The overalls had multiple
pockets and hooks to carry hammers and screwdrivers.I loved those overalls.I kept them in my smelly basement on a hook
by my tools.

When I prepared to work on a dirty job, I always
put on the overalls.Even if I wore a
good shirt underneath, the overalls protected everything.If I got paint on my hands, I could just wipe
it on the overalls without guilt.They
were perfect.

One day the wife assigned a painting project to
me.I bought the paint,purchased new clean brushes and taped off all
the molding. I removed everything that could be moved and covered everything
else with a tarp.Fully prepared to
start the job, I went into the basement to pull on my
overalls.

They were gone!They were not on their hook by the tools!I went into panic mode.The wife
noticed.

“What is wrong with
you?”

“I
can’t find my overalls.”

“Where were
they?”

“In the basement on a hook by my
tools.”

“That dirty old
thing?”

“Yes, that dirty old
thing.”

“I
threw it away; it was covered with oil, dirt and paint.It could never be
cleaned.”

“What!!Being dirty, oily and paint covered is what made them perfect.They could not be ruined.Plus they were super comfortable, and they
were my Dad’s.They were covered with my
Dad’s dirt, my Dad’s oil, and my Dad’s paint.I loved that pair of overalls!”

“I’m sorry; I’ll get you a brand new
pair.”

My
wife did buy a brand new pair of overalls.Crisp, clean, shiny and starchy.They even smelled brand new.They
were about 100 washing machine cycles away from being
comfortable.

I
never wore those new overalls.I
couldn’t do it.I could not bring myself
to get them dirty, and they reminded me of losing my Dad.

I
painted that room in a new clean shirt.It was a shirt that my wife had bought me that I never liked.I wiped paint drips all over it.When I was done with the room that shirt was
an unclean-able mess.

When I was through cleaning up and putting the room
back together again, I tore that shirt off and
threw-it-the-fuck-away.

When the unstable-one left me for her "Big" several years
later, those new overalls remained in the basement.I never wore them and refused to take them
with me.

"The next time the man plans to do a dirty job he cannot find a dirty shirt to work in. They have all been thrown away."

Another absolutely perfect blog. I laugh, I cry. Sigh.

(being that I have to be the one to do all the dirty chores around here, I have a closet piled high with all the stained shirts a person could ever need in one lifetime...let me know when you need some)

My husband had a pair of coveralls that he kept in the barn for doing dirty work in cool weather. One fall he put them on and reached his hands into the pockets. He pulled out handfuls of hairless pink baby mice. According to his teenage sons, he "squealed like a little girl" and peeled off those coveralls as fast as he could. "I thought he was going to cry."

my college kids buy overpriced tshirts of their colleges for my husband..they look so nice and new and clean...and he wears them to the gym!!!!! or for a run! or to clean the garage. i told him he has to "save" them so he looks nice for when we go somewhere, but he doesn't listen, so it's not my fault he never looks nice.

I must be some sort of weird woman - every shirt I own has some sort of stain on it. I can't throw them away. Instead I save them thinking they will be my work shirts, but I still manage to get new shirts stained. I've taken to buying vets to wear when I go out to cover the stains.

The Hair Shop, South Amboy, NJ

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About Me

I am 70 years old, I have 4 children 45,42,40 and 18;and 5 grandchildren 13-6
. Divorced twice, married three times. I worked on Wall Street for 40 years after graduating from Lafayette College in 1968. I have turned to writing as since retirement I needed something to tell people "What the F*** I do." Published one book "Maybe It's Just Me!" available at Amazon, soon to release my second, "I Used To Be Stupid."
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