The Hits and Sh*ts of: Chris Pratt

It’s not often that you get to meet one of your idols face-to-face. And it’s certainly not often that you get to meet them and tell them that you’re so excited that you just pissed your pants at the mere thought of it.

That’s where I like to be different. When Chris Pratt came to the studio where I work, I got to shake his hand and have him rinse me for being such a fan girl. When questioned about what it’s like to work alongside Kurt Russell, he replied by saying he was pretty nervous, just like Dan [when I met Chris].

“But now we’re really good friends, just like me and Dan”. Needless to say, I’ve passionately kissed the framed photograph of Chris Pratt on my bedside table nightly.

So to celebrate my new found relationship with American actor and Teen Choice Award nominee, Chris Pratt, here’s the films of his I love, and the films of his I don’t love as much. I would say “loathe”, but could I possibly do that to my bestest friend in the whole wide world?

The Hits

Her (2013)

Spike Jonze’s sweet and smart sci-fi romance follows the life of one single man, who gradually falls for his computer’s sophisticated operating system. Chris plays neither of those two; just a jolly co-worker.

But still, Her is a pretty feckin’ good film, and while it was a ballsy choice to agree this film, credit where credit’s due – anyone who can pull off this polo shirt and trousers combo deserves praise.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Show of hands – who actually knew anything about Guardians of the Galaxy prior to 2014? For the few of you with your hands up, I can deduce that you’re either a diehard comic book fan, or just an outright liar.

From the quick lines, to visual effects – and every single boner-inducing song along the way, Guardians of the Galaxy is firmly in my top three favourite superhero movies (alongside The Dark Knight and Deadpool, if you must know). Again, a huge risk, but one that totally paid off. Unlike Bride Wars (see below).

The LEGO Movie (2014)

There’s nothing worse than treading on a block of LEGO barefoot. And females think childbirth is painful. Tsk. But when it comes to LEGO-related pain, there’s nothing worse than the announcement that a LEGO movie was to be released.

Oh, how wrong I was. It wasn’t a two-hour-long commercial advertising the childhood toy. Chris starred as Emmet in the not-only-hilarious, but genuinely moving and thoughtful animation that later went on to win the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature Film. (I’m still not convinced that the Oscars didn’t mix up the envelopes à la Moonlight-La La Land.)

Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

It’s quite hard to follow up a write-up on a comedic children’s animation about yellow toys, with a dramatic retelling of the hunt and assassination of the founder of al-Qaeda, but YOLO – here goes nothing…

The tense, gripping Oscar-nominated picture saw Chris beef up to play a member of SEAL Team 6, as they sought to capture Osama bin Laden. Zero Dark Thirty wasn’t glamorised; it was truthful, intelligent and just very bloody good.

The Sh*ts

Bride Wars (2009)

Have you ever heard a gag about Bridezillas? About them setting all guests who don’t RSVP on fire? That sort of thing? That is the whole entire premise of Bride Wars. Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson get angry at flowers and stuff. That’s literally it.

Chris Pratt is also, erm, there. He sort of makes up the numbers. He proposes to Anne Hathaway, thus giving her a chance to moan about dresses and stuff. He’s essentially a sexy prop. All of Bride Wars’ gags are the something old; they just need the new, borrowed and blue now.

Movie 43 (2013)

It wasn’t so much a case of never getting back those 97 minutes. It was more of a case that I didn’t do something more productive with my time during that 97 minutes, like putting my hand in an operating blender, or supergluing my eyelids shut.

The – and I quote – “comedy” saw a series of genuine Academy Award winners, including Halle Berry and Emma Stone, appear in a series of scenes that probably, somewhere had jokes in them. Chris Pratt stars opposite his real life wife, Anna Faris, in a scene where – after he proposes – she asks him to defecate on her in the bedroom. See, it’s funny because… Poo. Get it?

Passengers (2016)

Yeah. It’s not that good. That – that’s about it, really.

Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence is about a loveable pair as you’re going to get, frankly. But that’s not enough to make this easy, pretty lazy existential crisis actually vaguely interesting. At least Movie 43 had poo. Like, I don’t think you understand how funny that is.