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Loved-up!

Love: an emotion still undefined scientifically. We find it everywhere in literature and especially in our rich and illustrious folklore. It is revered in almost all of its forms, whether it’s a mother-child interaction, human-God interaction or else. But its most commonly discussed type is highly controversial, that is between a boy and a girl.

There were times when people used to believe that Ishq-e-Majaazi (worldly love) ultimately leads to Ishq-e-Haqiqi (Divine love). Unfortunately, this does not appear to be the case in our generation. Nowadays love means a casual romantic relationship with an intention of TIME-PASS.

Before we discuss it in the context of PMC, some things are necessary to keep in mind.

To be “medical students”, most of us had sacrificed a major part of our lives for studies which culminated in a sense of deprivation that is now apparent in our behavior and general attitudes. Secondly, majority of the PMCians were never actually exposed to co-education before their admission. They had just seen it in the movies and TV serials and consequently co-education was a taboo in their fragile minds. And the last thing regarding our premedical life is that during our F.Sc and MCAT preparations, we were always told that this is the “actual hard phase” and if we work hard, our future life will be a cakewalk. When we integrate all these things, we get a generalized mind-set: “Pre-medical life is a purgatory and the Medical College will be a Camelot!”

Now we discuss what happens in PMC.

As our brand-new PMCian (call him Pappoo) enters into his supposed Camelot, the first thing which he comes across is “SENIORS”. He instantly observes the desperateness of the “highly esteemed SENIORS” during the process of “FOOLING”. They send him to some girl and she, unknowingly, gives a ‘slightest response’, which causes them to remain ecstatic for a week (‘slightest response’ translates as “FITTAY MUU” in Punjabi).

When Pappoo goes on further to attend the tutorials/practicals and lectures, the remaining hope is lost too because the ‘fruits of co-education’ are nowhere to be seen there. These things severely derange his intellectual faculties and he goes into a condition of “mental shock” because the truth turns out exactly opposite to what he had expected. His perception of a Medical College was formed mainly by Indian movies and dramas in which they show that almost all the students mutually engage in romance and it is an inevitable part of professional college life.

Actually this is the time when the “SENIORS”, having all the required experience, jump in to save the day. They empathize with him and bring him back from the valley of despair. They assure Pappoo that the reality is unchangeable and he has to make adjustments to be successful. As they say in chemistry, ‘like dissolves like’, same is the case here. Pappoo sees his own reflection in SENIORS and ultimately they become his mentors. They suggest him to go by the book and disclose the following precious rules:-

1) Make some “REPO”. {read The Obscurantist’s recent article if you don’t know the meaning of REPO}

2) For that purpose, amend your life to such an extent that it becomes acceptable from a girl’s point of view (being yourself is not an option!).

3) Get the cell number of the girl you like by any means necessary (it’s a basic requirement!).

4) Never hesitate, remove the word self-respect from your dictionary. If you don’t succeed at the first attempt: try, try again (which often means STALKING in many cases!).

5) Life is short, so try pursuing more than one girl at a time if possible (that’s called love, DUDE!).

Under the “professional” guidance of SENIORS, Pappoo “FALLS IN LOVE” with a pretty girl and begins the struggle to get her cell number. He changes his routine to make sure that she “notes” his REPO-enhancing-actions. After a while, he succeeds in getting the cell number from a “highly confidential source”. He girds up his lions and musters enough courage to send her a text message (spare SIMs are usually available for these purposes) and starts waiting for a reply. After waiting an hour or so, he sends another message…(the process goes on and is directly proportional to the patience of that girl).

Seeing no response, Pappoo contacts the seniors after 2-3 days. They advise him to get an easy-load for a phone call. Now the calling process begins in a similar fashion and the patience of the ‘loved one’ is tested even at a higher level. Finally, a day comes when his “hard-work” pays-off. She picks up the call and the following conversation takes place:

Pappoo: Hello!

Girl: YOU SCOUNDREL! STOP THIS NON-SENSE. I AM DONE WITH THIS. I WILL GO TO MADAM CH**** IF YOU TEXT/CALL ME AGAIN.

Pappoo: Hello, Hello, Hello……

As a result of this trauma, Pappoo becomes lovelorn. Fortunately, the company of seniors and the overwhelming presence of other “more pretty” girls are there to heal his “wounds”. And after a week or so, PMC witnesses a rejuvenated Pappoo searching for another cell number!

There are hundreds of Pappoos in PMC and new ones are being admitted each year. The above mentioned Pappoo will be a SENIOR Pappoo in future and will train another army of Pappoos in the coming years. This same cycle continues for 5 years. The details and circumstances of the ‘Pappoo story’ may vary from Pappoo to Pappoo, but the results are almost identical in most of the cases.

I, as a rational PMCian, consider this shameful Pappoo mind-set a root cause of many problems. We are practically hanging somewhere between liberalism and conservatism. It would be better for us to choose one of these and fully implement it on ourselves. This seems to me the only solution.