Monthly Archives: November 2008

I am a sweet girl. Sometimes to the point of giving one a toothache. And I’m generally kind, considerate and understanding. What do all of these lovely adjectives result in? Everyone else getting what they want, and the Duchess simply accepting.

So tonight, I would like to put it out there to the universe. I want to say exactly what I want. Perhaps this will give me the power and confidence to expect it, and take it.

I have a date with Bunny Ears on Saturday. I want him to greet me at the door in scarcely more than a towel. I want him to feel his impatience as I take off my jacket and shoes. I want him to pin me against the wall, undo my jeans and slide his fingers into my pussy. I want to feel his teeth on my earlobes and his tongue running down my neck. I want him to pull down my panties pull my leg up over his hip and thrust his cock into me hard and deep. I want it fast and rough and impatient.

Then we can move to the bedroom….

I want a partner who shows me that he wants me with every look, touch and word. I want to know that I can have him at any time. I want a man who will wake me up in the middle of the night with his tongue on my clit. I want a man who will tie me up and blindfold me and make me scream in lust and beg for more. I want a man who is willing to lick chocolate off my breasts and honey off my cunt. I want a man who can talk dirty to me without sounding ridiculous. I want someone who will come to a lingerie store with me, make me model everything, fuck me in the change room and pick up the bill.

Is that all? Not even remotely…but it might be enough to ask for tonight.

I’ve never had a threesome. They sound complicated to me. I can’t quite sort out how one person isn’t feeling neglected. I understand if two people are taking care of one person, that makes sense. But if two people are paying attention to each other- then the third is taking care of themself?Hmm, must watch a bit more porn, or find some willing partners.

This however is the story of the time I almost had a threesome.

My bff and I were at the house of two men. She worked next door to them. I was very casually dating one of them, but it was already petering off. This was the first night that I had met the roommate.

The night started off innocuously enough. A little wine, a few laughs. Then roommate (let’s call him Al) brought out a can of whipped cream. *insert eyeroll at cheesiness here* So Al was more than willing to lick whipped cream off of any part of us we wished to spray it on. I was amused but not really into it. I stuck out my finger and had a little dab sprayed on. He licked it off with such skill and adoration that it made me wonder if he’d ever given a blow-job. I mean Al was thorough. My bff let him lick it off her stomach.

Later on, the guy I dated off and on left the room to brood about the love of his life. Big turn-off. And here he exits the story until the next morning.

So Al, BFF and I were watching a movie. Al was in the middle of course. He would alternate between kissing each of us. I was a bit puzzled by this, but he was an OK kisser and BFF seemed Ok with it, so I went as far as I was willing at the time.

Now here the details become vague, but somehow the three of us all ended up in Al’s bed.With Al in the middle.

And again, he alternated between kissing and groping both of us. And the whole time I’m having a conversation in my head about what’s going on. Now BFF and I didn’t have the cute making out in the bar kind of relationship. I have found some women to be hot before, and would have been interested in exploring it- but she wasn’t one of those objects. This was a situation that I quite simply didn’t know what to do with.

So in my head: “Duchess, tomorrow morning? What are you going to wish that you’d have done? Explored having a threesome for the first time? Or walked away?”

Yeah, maybe if I wasn’t with BFF I would’ve considered it. But under the circumstances? No.So I got up and left. And no doubt it was for the best, since really I wasn’t even turned on or anything by the whole situation.

Clearly BFF was, since she carried on having sex with him.

We’ve never talked about it since. I’ve always been curious to know whether she would have gone through with it if I hadn’t left. To be honest, I don’t care. For some reason, the whole thing makes me a little angry at her. I can’t quite pinpoint the reason for the anger, but it’s definitely there.

But that? Dear readers, is the extent of my threesome knowledge. I think if I ever do try it, I would at least like to be aroused by my partners.

So one of my potential suitors called me an angel last night. Which of course I am. He then laughed at the irony of finding an angel in the Intimate Encounters section of a website. Hey- angels have needs too, you know?

Then I found a gentleman from the province next door. I mentioned that I had met one person from the site, and he wanted to know ALL the details. I felt like simply directing him to this blog. I don’t do erotica on demand. I asked him to relate some of his stories to me and suddenly he lost interest.

I got a message from a 73 year old man this week. 73. Hey, nothing wrong with wanting a little action your entire life. That’s cool. But honey? That’s my Dad’s age. No way.

I’ve noticed that most men on the site proclaim how much they love to give oral. Is that really true I wonder? Or do they just think that’s what we want to hear? I’m OK with blow-jobs, but I only occasionally crave it. So if my love is 50% of the time or less, I’m not going to get all gushy about my need for it in my profile. I do my best not to be misleading.

Now tonight I ran into the first person that I ever started talking to on the site. I remember that he was really sweet – but tonight, he was much more aggressive. He was quite insistent on coming over. Honestly, I thought he really wasn’t into me, because I actually emailed with him a few times and was only getting 3 word responses. I felt like I was carrying the team. I do need to be intellectually stimulated to get aroused.

And men? Seriously. Please practice your typing skills. I can totally play the coquette with 4 or 5 men at once before it gets tiring. I shouldn’t have to wait 5 minutes between responses for you. Especially when your comments aren’t that note-worthy.

I have stated that I am not interested in hooking up with men that are otherwise spoken for.Now this is not out of consideration for the other woman. I’ve been cheated on. But I did not blame the girl. I blamed the person who was in the relationship – i.e. my boyfriend at the time. I can’t understand people who go all psycho on the person who isn’t with YOU. Now that being said, if the person is your sister or BFF- well that’s a different story. But I digress.

At the moment I am shying away from attached men. That may change, but for now, that’s one of my ultra-loose rules.

So I’ve had sex with Bunny Ears. He is now away for the weekend. Now I by no means think that we owe each other any degree of loyalty or exclusivity. And if I were to find that he had sex while away, I wouldn’t care at all.

But that being said, where is the line? First of all, there’s of course the safety issue. Multiple partners equates to increased risk.

Oddly, when I was still considering Adonis (common-law) (that seems to have petered off, and unless something dramatic happens, I imagine this will be the last you hear of him) he was quite insistent about exclusivity. He didn’t want either of us to be having sex with several people. Did he have the right to ask that? Maybe. Did I have to comply? My choice. I hadn’t put a great deal of thought into it since I wasn’t serious about getting together with him anyhow.

But now what? All issues of “risk” aside, I need to make some sort of decision. Am I willing to have sex with several people? (Perhaps not simultaeously) or am I committed to one partner at a time.

Since these are not “relationships” that I’m looking for, there are no cut and dry rules about “breaking up.” Perhaps Bunny Ears and I never have sex again. Perhaps it was one time only (not likely, since he really wanted to get together before he went away, but circumstances prevented…)

And really, how personal is too personal? Can I ASK Bunny Ears if we’re supposed to be exclusive? Ask him to let me know if he decides that we’re not having sex anymore? Whoa. That sounds WAYYYYY too relationship-ish to me. And needy. And creepy.

So, maybe I decide that I’ll have as many partners as I want. And there’s the crux. My worry is about my own little sense of self-worth. I want this to be a FUN experiment. I want no judgement from people. Nor do I want to start feeling badly about myself. Nor do I want to keep entire segments of my life a secret from everyone.

There seems to be a bit more administrative/logistical thought involved in this than expected.

Thoughts anyone? How do YOU handle it (if you’re in a similar situation)??

I’m re-posting this from my other blog, because it’s amusing (to me anyways). It comes from me re-reading my high school diary a little while back…

July 26, 1992

Hi, I had another turning point today. Dave and I finally did have sex (To use the term “finally” loosely- he began the pressure in the first few days of the relationship) . It was way different than I expected. For one thing, I expected a lot more pain than I got (There was still plenty of it, and blood though). In the beginning there was some and I almost changed my mind again but I kept going.

It was rather awkward because he said he wanted me on top so I could decide how deep to go and when to stop (Geez- details I have NO memory of). Then when we got that initial part over with we switched. I kind of felt like I was doing nothing. It seems like he was doing all the work (See even then I wanted give it my all – damn I’m awesome!).

Oh well (Hmm, I got over that pretty quickly didn’t I?), anyways after a while there was not pain at all, but it wasn’t really what I expected. I was concentrating so much on what was happening that I couldn’t enjoy it as much as I should have (though I did enjoy it). (A miracle – cause really – hands up- who enjoyed their first time, honestly??)

I can see now why people can do this so often and for so long (“So long”? Hmm, he must have been better than I remembered). I still feel somewhat like a virgin though because of the condom (Good Lord, even back then I was trying to say that certain experiences “didn’t count” Sorry Duchess- you’ve been officially de-flowered). Maybe I should go on the pill so we don’t have to use it. (Thank God I waited a couple of years before I discovered the crazy-making joys of the pill) I’ll feel much better when it’s not on. That way I’ll have the full experience. I don’t know, but it seems like it would be more enjoyable without it on, for both of us (Well yes- but stupid for talking that way since he had gotten his girlfriend before me pregnant).

I feel like I should feel like a different person, but I don’t. It happened. I’m glad it did, but I knew that it would happen someone time soon (since he threatened to break-up with you if you didn’t have sex with him soon? You’re a genius.) so nothing has really changed.

So obviously when I signed up for this adventure, it was because I wanted sex. Missed sex. Needed sex.

But at the same time, I can say that the longer you go without it, the more zen you get about it. (Well, I do anyways).

I can look at sex more distantly, and analyze people’s reactions to it. What drives people to seek it out? What is it about sex that makes people behave the way they do? I could write essays about it. All in a completely unemotional way.

But now? Yeah, now I’ve tasted it again. Now I’m reminded about how awesome it is. I remember what it’s like to have a man’s tongue between my legs. To feel his hard body pressing against mine. To have my breath suddenly catch as he puts his hands or his mouth somewhere unexpected.

And now? He’s all I’m thinking about. Well not him exactly. The idea of him. I want his lips. His hands. His cock. I want them pressed up again me. I want to feel his desire and impatience. I want to be an object. I want to be craved and used.

I’m wishing I didn’t leave him so early yesterday. I’m wishing I’d waited long enough to have him take me again.

And then there’s the insecurity. Not of being liked. But of being wanted. Will he want me again? Will he take me again? I don’t want romance. I don’t want respect. I want him to think about me when he’s touching himself at night. I want him to be distracted by the thought of me when he has an errant sexual thought.

So when I started this social experiment, I fully expected that I would bail on it quickly. I would get turned off by the lack of romance. Or I would simply not have the guts to actually meet anyone.Getting offers didn’t seem to be the problem. It was my own follow-through that I doubted.

But today? Sunday afternoon? I met Bunny ears. I had a bit of a dilemma about how the actual meeting should go. It seemed the height of stupidity to simply go to his place before we had ever actually spoken on the phone….

Starbucks it was. I watched him drink a latté and suggested we go for a walk. The whole time we were talking, I found myself wanting to lean over and kiss him. That seemed like a promising start…We were very close to his place, and I didn’t realize that I led us right to his building until he pointed it out. As it seemed a sign from the Gods, I agreed that we should go in.

Honestly? I didn’t know if I would be following through with this or not. I was willing to make out with him and maybe a bit more, but I wasn’t convinced that I would go any further than heavy petting.

But you know how these things go…

I was actually surprised at how it went all things considered. He was sweeter than I expected him to be, not shy, but completely respectful.

He started out pretty traditionally, making out on the couch. Initially there was some porn on in the background, but it seemed a bit too cliché, so I had him switch it to “Footloose.” (Hey, it’s classic for a reason).

He actually didn’t try much more than kissing for a little while. He seemed content to do his thing, and follow my lead as I was more and more willing to shed clothes and let my hands wander. After we were both top naked and obviously about to lose the rest, I suggested we move to the bedroom and that’s where he got a lot more aggressive.

The second we walked in, I turned around and he had nothing on. I followed suit and without hesitation his tongue was between my legs. I have my moods with this – sometimes you can go down on me for hours. Other times, it’s too intense, and I’d rather have his cock inside me. Today was one of those days, but Bunny Ears wasn’t particularly interested in this request/ demand/plea…he just kept right on going…

It was only after some more writhing and telling him how much I wanted him to fuck me that he graciously indulged me. I was a bit apprehensive as he was hard and dripping as he was sucking on my clit. I was reluctant to manipulate him too much, for fear of it being over too quickly.

I didn’t need to worry about that. My other fear was about his size…talk about girth….He penetrated me like a champion though…and soon had me gasping and moaning….

I came before he did, and was happy to see that he wasn’t one of those people who just never cum at all. A few minutes of me sucking on his cock did the trick admirably.

I stayed for a little bit, drank more wine until I realized I hadn’t eaten anything today and was getting tipsy, then he walked me to my car.

I have no idea what the rules are surrounding these sorts of encounters, but just thinking about him now gets me wet all over again. Now that the initial meeting is over, I would definitely be open to seeing him again and again and again….