That Mother’s heart…

Austin doesn’t care for the dark and doesn’t enjoy being alone, although he does want his alone TIME. He wants his pants to button, not snap, and he is a carnivore. Sweet tea is his drink of choice, American Eagle is the brand he wishes I’d buy more of, and he’s very compassionate toward other people, especially those who are different. He loves sports and is self conscious about his height and weight.

Chandler wants his pants to SNAP and NEVER to button because he’s secretly afraid he’ll pee himself before he gets his pants pulled down. He loves dr pepper, would rather eat fruit than any meat at all, and could sit and watch TV for HOURS and never bat an eye. He is my artistic child although he doesn’t want anyone to know, and I think he is afraid of heights and that is why he won’t sleep on the top bunk. He doesn’t mind sleeping alone in his room, he has an AMAZING sense of humor, and he is the Entertainer where Austin is the protector. He doesn’t have very many fears, if any that I know of.

And then there’s Brooklyn. She loves to dress up, LOVES her “Ladybug Baby” although in a pinch, she’ll use something else, and she loves to tattoo herself with anything she can find. She doesn’t really LIKE getting dirty, but she will if Chandler is there, is terrified of bugs, and dogs scare her. I think she really enjoys being all dolled up with the matching clothes and hairbows and shoes, and she believes that my neighbor, Nick, next door is Santa, and calls out to him everytime she sees him, “SANTA!!!” She’s afraid of loud noises and being in crowds of people. Her family is her comfort.

Now, if God is my heavenly Father….does He know such things about me?

I have to say with an overwhelming certainty that YES, He does! He knows that I’m terribly self conscious about EVERYTHING, I’m afraid of the dark, I LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG for a Chinese baby girl, I’m grouchy a lot because I worry so much, and I sing Yo Gabba Gabba songs randomly throughout my day.

And I LOVE knowing that! I have to say, I love my Mother so very very much and I’m blessed to call her my best friend, but I seriously have to wonder if she KNEW how my brain works, just how grouchy I can be, and my innermost UGLY, would she still love me? I guess the only way I can look at it is from a MOTHER’S SIDE. Would knowing all of that stuff about my own kids effect how I loved them? Nope. It would disappoint me, and I’m sure some of it would hurt my feelings or make me angry, but would it affect how I LOVE them? No….it really wouldn’t. I love them so very much!

And does God really care about the little things that go on in my life?

As a mother, don’t I care about the well-being of my kids? Even down to knowing how their pants close? So I HAVE to believe that God cares just as much about ME! He cares that I secretly hate my job right now. He knows just how upset and disappointed I am over our vacation, and that my fear is we won’t have another opportunity to do another one before the boys grow up. He knows I want to do mission trips SO badly, but I’m afraid of leaving my family and eating gross food.

And my final random thought is……where is God when things don’t go right?

He’s right there. He doesn’t leave me when I’m angry, or my roof is leaking, or someone made me cry. He’s right there! Life was never promised to us to be perfect because there is still sin in the world and because of that, there are always consequences for it. I may not understand all the whys of everything, but He does and I know He’s a good Father. We don’t cause bad things to happen to our kids, but we stay with them and comfort them and help them through it. Even during times of discipline, we are there for our kids to help them and encourage them to keep going.

And in the end, I LOVE Christmas! I love BIRTHDAYS! I love to shower my kids with gifts! I may not have the means to do it as much as I’d like, but I try so hard and I work extra for MONTHS just to find those gifts that make them jump up off the floor, SCREAMING in pure JOY! I LOVE to see their eyes light up and for those few precious minutes, I would do anything, GIVE anything, to have it last longer. Even in the day-to-day, I love to find little ways to make them smile. Brooklyn loves to have her hair done. Chandler loves that special Dr Pepper. Austin loves ice cream. Even just pulling them into my lap and holding them for a second, helps them feel secure. It seals that bond just a little tighter.

And God feels the same way about ME. He LOVES to shower me with those blessings! And it may not be in the form of a BIG VACATION IN ALASKA OR KEY WEST, but it’s in the stolen moments with my handsome husband, sales on the jeans I need for the boys, my fancy CAMERA that on my OWN, I never could have gotten. Turning on the radio and hearing my favorite song, my Mom calling me just at the right time I need her, the little mini-getaways as a family camping or to a little theme-park….these are ways that I know God is there, and He loves me.

And He loves to pull me into His lap and snuggle for a little while to reconnect and seal that bond just a little tighter….