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Parents' tips: how to get the help you need

Written for United Kingdom

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Those first few weeks with a new baby can be a real shock to the system. It can feel like you're suddenly trying to juggle 100 things at once, while being the most exhausted you’ve ever been. You need help, but sometimes it can be difficult to ask for it. Here's how other BabyCentre mums did it.

Visitors will ask you what they can do to help. Don't be afraid to tell them.

"We had an endless stream of visitors when my son, Zach, was born. But I felt that if I asked anybody for help they’d think I was useless. My sister-in-law offered to come and watch Zach while I had a relaxing bath. I’d showered, dressed and had the kettle on by the time she got there!"

Bee

"Most family and friends are delighted to help, but don’t know what they can do that would be of benefit. My mum admitted that she was dying to help but didn't want to offend me by launching into the housework! Once I’d told her what I needed, she was a godsend. She kept on top of the domestic stuff, which gave me a chance to bond with my baby."

Lisa

"I breastfed my baby and all I wanted to do was relax on the sofa and enjoy the bonding experience. But I had this nagging thought at the back of my mind about all the housework I should be getting on with. I was so happy when my friend came round, plonked me on the couch, and began sorting out my washing.”

Chloe

Take advantage of the fact that most of your visitors are there to see your baby. Leave them to it and use the time to take that relaxing bath you've been craving, or have a sleep.

"In the early days I couldn’t get five minutes to myself. My hair was greasy, I wore the same clothes for days, and my legs were hairier than a monkey's! I quickly realised that while my friends were cooing over my daughter, I could take a much-needed shower. This really helped me to feel human again."

Sarah

"I couldn't wait for my mum's visits. She was brilliant and always offered to sit and bond with her grandson while I had a nap. Sleep was what I craved most, so I was thrilled that she was giving me the opportunity to catch up on it."

Jane

"My favourite visitor during those early days was my friend Hannah. She couldn't get enough of cuddling little Ben, which gave me a chance to do other things. My husband always knew when she’d been over because the washing-up mountain had turned into a mere washing-up hill!"

Jill

The day before your visitor is due, make a phone call and ask them to stop off at the supermarket on their way over to pick up any shopping that you need.

"I found it almost impossible to get to the shops with a new baby. I was constantly running out of things. In the end, I asked a friend to stop off for me. I felt cheeky, but she was so happy to help and couldn't believe I hadn't asked her before."

Mary

"My husband did a lot of the household shopping at first, and he was great. Unfortunately, when it came to things for me, he’d always get the wrong brand or size. I really needed a girlfriend for those sorts of things. So I was relieved when a friend of mine called to ask if I needed anything from town. She was a star."

Tracy

"I suffered from post-pregnancy brain. I’d brave the supermarket, only to return home and realise that I’d forgotten something vital. My friend told me to call her at work if I ever needed anything. She would pick stuff up for me on the way home. It was such a relief."

Michelle

If you're lucky, you might find you have friends like these:

"When my best friend had a baby, I gave her a 'cheque book'. It was filled with cheques for home-cooked meals, a girls’ night out, a pedicure, babysitting, housework, and so on. I tried to make the cheques funny too, by writing things like 'Please take me out for a drink and get me the hell away from this baby'. She loved it."

Angela

"The best thing my visitors could do for me was not to expect me to wait on them hand-and-foot. One friend arrived, and immediately went in the kitchen to start making me a cup of tea and some lunch. It was lovely having someone fussing over me and just being able to chat about grown-up things."

Chantal

"I have a friend who gave birth to twins. She already had three children at home, so I knew that she’d have her work cut out. I rang round all of our friends and between us we cooked enough meals to feed the whole family for a week."

Lillian

Last reviewed: February 2014

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