This blog started as something to heal from my miscarriage but now my miscarriage is only a part of my life of healing. Yes I'm still healing from the loss of Tristan. But I have many other parts of my life that needed healing as well. Learning to enjoy and find the blessings of this journey God is leading me on.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Had my Ultra sound yesterday to find out if my follicles are maturing. The ultra sound tech says I'm going to page the Dr I said is something wrong she says no it's normal for us to page the doctor. You should get a call later. (I'm not so sure it is normal so my mind is going through all kinds of scenarios) I wanted until 3:30 and call the Dr office myself. I was told my Dr would call me Friday I said well since we are dealing with maturing follicles here isn't this a timely matter. I was told your follicle is not mature and the doctor will call you Friday. I said I don't understand can you explain this to me. She says that's all I can say the Dr will call you Friday. Really I have to wait!!!!???? Now mind you I'm already upset because every time I have to have a vaginal ultra sound it takes me right back to the day of my miscarriage so now I'm just so upset and don't even know what to do with myself. There is a big part of me that just wants to give up and say you know what we just aren't meant to have kids and start saving money to move forward with adoption. I'm brokenhearted yet again. How many times does my heart have to break before I see the light? God, I need you, I know you're there, help me!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Finally go my period on Oct 7 did my round of clomid and by George I think we have ovulation. Going tomorrow to have an ultra sound done to see if my eggs are maturing (not sure I understand this) I'll ask more questions tomorrow. But I've got what I call ovulation pains so this is a good thing. Maybe just maybe this will be our month. Who knows.

We adopted a dog a Golden Retriever/Bassett mix. She is super sweet and I love having her to focus my time and energy on. She is a wonderful distraction. \