Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Can't believe it's May already! I remember when the years would drag on...months and weeks seemed so far in the future. Now I feel old saying "Man! It's already May?!" :-)

Changes are brewing..

June 1st, I will begin "training" for a new job! I'm really excited to learn something new, and step out into the unknown. It will be completely new, challenging. I'm ready to be moving forward in life, and this is potentially a job that I could take with me, anywhere.

I will also be helping a precious family from church. The Lord works in mysterious ways - you hear it all the time..but when you actually see it in your life - it's INCREDIBLE!

This family started coming to my church about a year ago (roughly). Our families just hit it off! Lindsay gives two of their kids riding lessons. And I have been going home with them, to Maryland, on Sundays and staying over until Monday - helping out in any way I can. They are a busy, homeschooling family. So I have taken over grocery shopping. It's an experience! But I love it.

Funny how I really haven't known them a long time, and yet they are some of my closest friends. I so appreciate that I can talk about things, and receive wise advice. Or just the insane encouragement to keep drinking coffee ;-)

I also really appreciate that my whole family is close with their whole family. I go to my parents for advice, or to vent, cry, annoy, tease, laugh with...at one point I didn't care to be home all that much. But I can really say, as an adult, that I appreciate my parents. Who they are. How they have raised me. And love them not only as my parents, but as friends. We still bump elbows, argue...but at the end of the day, when I'm exhausted and want to crawl under a rock - They are there.

"You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends." Normally thats a stab at the family. HOWEVER, I am SO thankful that I can't choose my family. Because I have a wonderful one, and I have made some misjudgments with friends. Haha!

A lot is changing, and has changed this past year. Do not be deceived...the hard days are more frequent than the good ones. My "happy little world" has been turned up-side-down. The Lord has revealed my ugly little heart to me. He has taken the securities of relationships, friendships. Causing me to be wholly dependent on Himself. He is my Help, my Defender, Strength, Shield, Rock, my Deliverer...when do I run to Him? When people get nasty? When someone has hurt my feelings? Of course! But thats not how it should be. He should be my focus all the time, so that when you hear rumors...they don't sway you. I care what people think. I care too much...that only shows where my focus is. And often, it's totally wrong.

Hearing from nasty people, showed me just how ugly I am. My heart is NOT loving towards them. But it should be. Friendships, relationships...they must go both ways. Love does not need to be on both sides. I can love the nasty, rude people I come in contact with. I can Love them, because I am Loved. I can forgive unconditionally, because I was forgiven unconditionally. That is indescribably freeing!

In sunday school we are going through the book, Principles of Spiritual Growth. This has been so helpful.

The Lord has done so much in my life (and He still is). It's hard. I don't like the process...I don't like seeing how nasty my heart is. He is conforming me...by the renewing of my mind :)

I appreciate your prayers!

Emma.

PS. I'm also car hunting. Owning a car would give me SO much flexibility...especially since I'll be going to MD more often as the year goes on.

Also! thank you for letting me blab =) just gotta get it out sometime, even if it is unpolished.

I love how you are honest. We all have black hearts and struggle in our walk with the Lord. Seeking Him first saves us a lot of time and trouble but often I seek Him last. You are growing into a wonderful young woman. I love you and am so proud of you. Growing hurts but as you have found, He loves us unconditionally, thankfully.