Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. -Don Miguel Ruiz

In customer service, we regularly take the punches of frustrated and angry people. We’re easily called names and talked down to simply because we’re just a voice on the other end of the phone. If we step back and look at the big picture, we’ll see that the person yelling and screaming about their service isn’t mad at you at all. They are mad that something isn’t working in their own life. They are “projecting their own reality” smack dab onto you.

You have the choice to eat this “emotional garbage, as Ruiz refers to it, or empty it out in the back of the trash truck to be taken to the dump. You don’t have to carry this with you. You have the choice to feel offended or to let it slide right off your back like a duck.

Quack, quack I let this slide right off my back!

On our blog, we talk often about un-ruining someone’s day. While this is ultimately the goal in customer service, this particular post is more about YOU and making sure you’re taking care of yourself in order to have the strength to un-ruin your own day as well as that customer’s day, with your magical service skills.

So, how do you even begin to not take things personally? While I definitely struggle with this, here are some tips to get you on your way:

Awareness: Simply being aware that you take things personally is HUGE! For a week, try keeping an “Awareness Log” and when you notice yourself taking something personally that is not true, jot down a mark. How many do you have at the end of the week?

Acknowledge:What’s going on when you jot down those marks? What are you feeling on the inside? What are you telling yourself? Are you talking lots of negative self talk? Are you feeling anger toward another person or situation? No wrong way to feel but give yourself the option to acknowledge how you’re feeling each time you take something personally.

Action: What cha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? Okay, sorry, couldn’t resist! But, really–with all that “emotional garbage” sitting inside, what are you going to do about it? Can you make peace with it and know how to act differently next time?

So, over all, it’s definitely not easy to not take things personally, in and out of the office. But awareness that it’s happening, acknowledgement of your feelings behind it and taking action toward steps to help you cut back on it are great steps in the right direction toward being even more awesome than you already are!

Jenny Dempsey is currently the the Social Media and Customer Experience Manager for NumberBarn.com. She has worked at tech startups since 2005. She's the co-founder and regular contributor over at CustomerServiceLife.com. She's a certified health coach, but not the kind that forces you to only eat cardboard and deprive yourself of ice cream. JennyDempseyWellness.com, the company she started, was designed to bring a new type of wellness into the workplace, one that gives you permission to look deeper into yourself, rather than just on the healthy snacks in the break room. She is the mother to a toothless rescue cat named Chompers. Avocados and veggie tacos are the way to her heart. She's also a Hanson fan for life.

One of the reasons not taking it personally is so hard is because it’s instinctive.

“Don’t take it personally” is like telling someone “don’t be offended” or “don’t laugh” or “stop crying before I give you something to cry about.”

It’s not easy, but I like to use a little “customer service judo” in these situations. I start with your step one, “Awareness” and then try to re-direct that “take it personally feeling” into personally caring about how the customer feels. I make it my personal mission to help them feel better.