How I Handled the Loss of my Baby by Avis Ward GeoVi's Home for Pregnant Teens II did not handle the loss of my baby at all. It handled me. I thought my faith was strong and I could handle anything. Actually, I never thought I would not be a Mom ......more Seven Beliefs That Will Help You Cope with the Death of Your Loved Oneby Louis LaGrand, Ph.D. http://extraordinarygriefexperiences.com Thoughts and beliefs, critical choices you make, are the underpinnings of the attitude you take toward loss.Beliefs are behind everything we do in life. ......more How to Respond to Tragedy by James P Krehbiel Krehbiel Counseling Rabbi Harold Kushner, the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People, wrote about his response to personal tragedy. His son Aaron had premature aging, and eventually died from this disease. ......more How To Surrender To Grief by Louis LaGrand, Ph.D. http://extraordinarygriefexperiences.com "What you resist persists" is an old psychological saying that is especially applicable to anyone when mourning the death of a loved one. In other words, trying to repress feelings, "be strong" or pretend you are doing well when you are not, will guarantee that pain will spill out in unexpected ways. ......more Chinese CustomsThe burial of the dead is a very serious matter in Chinese societies. Improper funeral arrangements can cause bad fortune upon the family of the deceased. ......more Reading poems or verse at funerals.Poems or verse at a funeral can be a great comfort if chosen wisely. When someone reads a suitable verse befitting the person's life it makes the service very personal and is a comfort for the family. ......more Celebrating Life A Celebrant reads a biographical story about the honoree. The honoree's brother shares a poem he has written. ......more Teaching Children About Death How many uses can you find for a dead fox? When I happened upon one recently whilst out walking with my children, the poor lifeless creature suddenly became the catalyst for an important family moment. ......more Why you should pre pay your funeralMost people want to put off thinking about their funerals. However, you can save your loved ones a good deal of hassle by doing some of the planning in advance. ......more How To Express Sympathy When Someone Suffers A LossDeath is something people dont want to think about. This just makes the person feel so bad inside and make one think if this could be have been prevented. The truth is death is another phase in life. ......more Helping Loved One's In A Crisis ... Ten Steps To Helping When my elderly parents fell ill, I found myself in a very human predicament. I was thrust into the role of parent and advocate while simultaneously dealing with the almost paralyzing fear of their imminent deaths. ......more Starting Over How does one start over after the loss of a loved one? It is a monumental task that just feels overwhelming at times. ......more Grief-How To Deal With ItAuthor: Dr. Pradeep K Chadha Grief is an integral part of almost everyone's life. ......more Managing The Fear Of Loneliness Author: Stan Popovich Sometime or another we will experience a time when we are alone. Some people fear of being alone for various reasons. ......more The 10 Warning Signs of Suicide Author: Anne Wolski - In a time when suicide has become a culture in society, it is important to be able to recognise the warning signs. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in people aged 15 - 24 with young males four times more likely to succeed due to the lethal ways in which they choose to kill themselves. ......more Seven Easy Steps to Writing a Eulogy Both writing and delivering a eulogy are emotional, but at the same time a step towards healing. It's never easy to put into words what someone's life meant to you and to summarize their life in just a few minutes. ......more Helping Children Cope With Fear & AnxietyAuthor: Arthur Buchanan - Whether tragic events touch your family personally or are brought into your home via newspapers and television, you can help children cope with the anxiety that violence, death and disasters can cause. The Caring for Every Child's Mental Health Campaign offers these pointers for parents and other caregivers: Encourage children to ask questions. Listen to what they say. ......more Funeral Etiquette Suggestions Please note that these are suggestions only: The death of a friend or loved one often leaves us feeling lost and not sure what we can do. Your first reaction may be to help, but you may not be sure of what to say or what you can do. ......more Body donation for research If you are interested in donating your body, here are a few pointers. The first thing to do is register your intentions with one of the major Universities or Teaching Hospitals and they will keep your name on file. ......more Facts about Sudden Death Syndrome On August the 3rd 1977 a group of parents met for the first time, all of whom had lost a baby to the Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (Cot Death). They found they were not alone in their bewilderment, doubts and fears. ......more Why do autopsies Although the primary reason to perform an autopsy is to determine the cause of death. There are benefits to individual families, to the practice of medicine, and to the community at large. ......more Funeral Fee Structure It's distressing to see so many sites on the internet relating to funeral rip-offs. Maybe it's time to try and address the issue and explain some of the fee structure. ......more Buy Funeral Flowers Online: Advice On Choosing Author: C. Porter - Choosing the right flowers can be difficult at the best of times but when selecting funeral flower arrangements it is made more difficult. ......more Scattering, what you should know By: Jeff Staab - Is scattering a wave of the future? No! ......more .

How I Handled the Loss of my Baby by Avis Ward GeoVi's Home for Pregnant Teens I did not handle the loss of my baby at all. It handled me. I thought my faith was strong and I could handle anything. Actually, I never thought I would not be a Mom. I knew the Lord answered prayers and mine would be answered.Becoming pregnant for many is very easy. I have friends who have said if their hubby looked at them with that ?you know? look, they?d conceive. After many tests, countless doctor visits and thousands of dollars later, it was determined there should not be a problem. So, I could get pregnant but there were complications.My youngest sister and I did not know we were pregnant at the time of our Dad?s heart attack and hospital stay. It would end his life. Not until after the funeral services for him did we learn of our pregnancies. She had two daughters that were seven years apart and they were hopeful for a healthy son. He would be born seven years after his youngest sister. We enjoyed our pregnancy together although we lived a little less than two hours apart.Our family felt blessed to have two babies coming after losing our last parent. Mother had died many years ago. Our grieving ended almost suddenly when we learned of the pregnancies. Perhaps it is best to say, our grief was replaced with joy. Our hearts were not as heavy. Twelve years have passed and now that I can see through the glass clearly, I know God was at work. At that time, I saw dimly through the glass and became withdrawn. Making it into the third trimester was very encouraging and promising although bed rest was required. In case you?re wondering, I was not alone. I was married and happily so. It was a blessing to have someone to help bear the loss of my dad. I had been there for him when his father passed away. I have wondered if my faith then were as strong as I thought. I have wondered what I may have done to cause the wrath of God to strike me as it did. My water broke in my third trimester but I did not immediately go into labor. My doctor told me, ?Avis, I was praying you had just peed in your pants!?I was in the hospital for a week and sent home because no changes took place. I remember praying to God and letting Him know, if He desired to use a sponge the size and thickness of a one dollar bill, He could dry up Niagara Falls. If He wanted to fill the Grand Canyon with the sand in an hourglass, I believed and knew He could. I only wanted the hole no doubt smaller than a pin prick in my embryonic sac to be sealed. I asked Him to do this for me, for us, for my baby girl.I expected and believed He?d do it.I was discharged from the hospital after a week?s stay but the next day, labor pains began. I thought if I ignored them, they would stop but the contractions came closer and closer together. My husband called the doctor and we were told to meet him at the hospital.Our baby girl was born but she did not survive. She was too young and major organs had not developed to sustain her life. I prayed my youngest sister would not go into depression because of our loss. I prayed for everyone except myself.My happy marriage fell apart. I became someone I did not recognize or wanted to know. My home became my hideout from the world. I did not receive visitors, calls or condolences. It was not until years later that I realize what happened to me.All of the advice I had given others during their losses and hardships was not received by me. I turned away from everyone. The loss of my dad rebounded and was combined with losing my daughter and a failing marriage. I found strength within myself to bring an end to what had not been the best years of my life for some time. I filed for divorce and moved out of the home I had built as a single woman.We?re told not to make major decisions during turbulent times or a crisis. I felt God did what He thought was best and I was obligated to accept it. I did not understand but I was taught not to question God. I didn?t. This story is being told to help others. I misunderstood so many things in the name of ?religion.? I knew of God but did not have a relationship with Him. I have made gigantic strides after enduring horrific emotional times. Several miscarriages in the first trimester and hope after making it to the third were a miracle. I knew the biggest miracle would be holding my baby, taking her home, nursing her and being her mom for the rest of my life. I was wrong.The biggest miracle is sharing with others the power of God to completely heal us. I know firsthand that He is always working for our good and we only need to trust Him. He is a God of not only restoration but also restitution. His promises are many and we can count on Him if we do our part.My sister has a 12 year old son named after his grandfather, George. My daughter, Chelsea, would also be 12 if she had lived. I do not know if she?d be with me and her father. I do not think so but I know she is where she was meant to be. Her grandparents got to spend more time with her than I. It may have been they were to raise her and not us. God works in mysterious ways. I trust Him implicitly and so can you.? 2007 by Avis Ward of GeoVi?s Home for New LifeAvis is a Certified Seminar Leader, Action Coach, Consultant, Speaker and entrepreneur. As an entrepreneur, Avis is the founder of My Favorite Ministry Place and GeoVi's Home for New Life, a 501(c) 3 non-profit, faith-based residential home for pregnant teens. She respectfully acknowledges her deceased parents as role models, and the hero and heroine in her life. Avis invites you to read her blog.Originally published on SearchWarp.com for Avis Ward Thursday, October 25, 2007 Article Source: How I Handled the Loss of my Baby

Seven Beliefs That Will Help You Cope with the Death of Your Loved One by Louis LaGrand, Ph.D. http://extraordinarygriefexperiences.com Thoughts and beliefs, critical choices you make, are the underpinnings of the attitude you take toward loss. Beliefs are behind everything we do in life. They are the major factors in how you will cope with your loss and to what extent you will experience additional and unnecessary suffering.Regrettably, many of us have been heavily influenced to believe half-truths and false assumptions about death, loss, and reinvestment in life. These influences were deeply implanted in our psyches early in life by parents or other significant adult figures. The result leads to negative behaviors that complicate and increase the intensity of our grief work.However, a common experience when we are confronted with major changes in life is that we learn, grow in wisdom, and reevaluate the way we conduct our lives and think about the world around us. Frequently, without fully recognizing the transition, we alter beliefs some of which we have accepted for years as "the way it is."Here are some of the beliefs that have helped others when grieving and have proven useful in adapting to a new life without the companionship of your loved one.1. Believe coping well is a choice. You are not destined to follow some prearranged path in grief as you learned from observing friends or family members. You can choose how you wish to deal with the inevitable changes to be faced. You can be continuously loss oriented or you can decide to be adaptatation oriented. Your ability and intent to choose, after wise deliberation and consultation, must never be minimized. Never forget: you and your actions are the net result of your choices. It is your grief and your loss and you can steer your course through your dark night.2. Believe there is no such thing as perfect grieving. Dump the word "perfect." You will see yourself as having fallen behind at times. Grief is like that, with ups and downs. But remember what the well known psychotherapist Thomas Moore wrote: " If you're leading a full life, you're going to fail some every day." Let it go. Don't get discouraged. See yourself doing better at the next opportunity. Here is where this next belief becomes key.3. Believe in the importance of making new friends all your life. Start today looking for new friends. You are not giving up your old friends; you are adding to your circle of friends. Why? Because the research is abundantly clear: we are social beings, and friends are a crucial part of life and our physical and mental health. We need each other, especially when grieving.4. Believe in the critical importance of achieving. Doing something that ends in good results for you or someone else is powerful lifelong medicine. Getting something done is food for inner strength and self-esteem, which we all need as we grieve. Set goals for various parts of your life and go for them. Start small, little successes first, and work your way up. No couch potato for you. You can't adjust to your loss by staying isolated and not accomplishing a little each day. Reach out. We are what we do.5. Believe in giving your all. Not 95% or 99%, but 100% in what you seek to achieve. Effort is the engine leading to success and achievement in facing the pain of change and reinvesting in life. You must take unfettered action, and not in a half-hearted manner. Giving your best effort will result in progress, a little at a time.6. Believe in always persisting. Like a pesky fly, keep at the task of establishing new routines, of living without the physical presence of your beloved. When you falter on occasion, pick yourself up, reevaluate, and go back into the fray. Remember, a mistake or failure is the next learning step to success. You will reach your goal. Inside you, inherently, you know what you have to do. Listen to your inner voice. Then muster the courage to do it.7. Believe that love never dies. Although changed, you will always have a relationship with your deceased loved one. Relationships don't die. You can talk to your loved one as you see fit, just as millions of others do. Many pray to their loved ones or Higher Power. Remember what Gandhi, the Indian political and spiritual leader said: "Prayer is not an old woman's idle amusement. Properly understood and applied, it is the most powerful instrument of action." Taking action is the key to coping well.There goes that word again: action. It all depends on what you choose to believe about yourself and where you can go. The power of your choices, the friends you make, the failures you bounce back from, your untiring efforts and commitment to action will assure you that you can adapt to the next chapter of your life. Allow the loss you have experienced and the changes you face bring new awareness, insight, and inner strength.Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His monthly ezine-free website is www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com .Originally published on SearchWarp.com for Louis LaGrand, Ph.D. Tuesday, June 16, 2009 Article Source: Seven Beliefs That Will Help You Cope with the Death of Your Loved One

How to Respond to Tragedy by James P Krehbiel Krehbiel CounselingRabbi Harold Kushner, the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People, wrote about his response to personal tragedy. His son Aaron had premature aging, and eventually died from this disease. The pain from the Rabbi's loss provoked a crisis of faith. Kushner wrote his book for those "who have been hurt by life," to assist them in finding a faith that provides reasonable answers to aid them in coping with their suffering. Kushner explores the random nature of life and how certain spiritual explanations for tragedy left him feeling empty. Recently, I made a trip to visit a friend who has terminal cancer. This was no easy task. I knew that it would be our last visit. I struggled over the issue of what things I wanted to explore to make sure that the time we spent together was uplifting for both of us. I was apprehensive about "saying the right things," but as I drove to her house I kept reminding myself to "just let things be the way they are." It was a time of closure and healing for both of us.All of us are confronted with times of suffering. It is an inevitable part of the human condition. We are abused by a partner, we lose a job, we are betrayed by bandits who rob our homes, we experience the death of loved ones and we struggle with serious illness. No reasons adequately explain our hurt and disappointment. We are left with our grief.Often, family and friends make honest attempts to respond to our trauma, but they may make matters worse through insensitive comments. In the name of God, they may make comments that leave us feeling annoyed and misunderstood - the very thing we do not need. Here are some of the unhelpful comments that I am referring to: 1.God will never ask more of us than we can endure.2.Try not to think about it. 3.God is trying to teach you a lesson. 4.Don't let it get you down. 5.Everything that happens in life happens for a purpose. 6.God has singled you out because he recognizes your strength. 7.Getting upset about it doesn't do any good. 8.If you are not healing from your affliction, you lack faith in God 9.Just remember, other people have it worse than you. Trying to figure out why misfortune happens to us is fruitless. Some things appear to happen for no reason. As Kushner indicates, although there is ample evidence of God's handiwork among us, people are unable to accept random acts that occur within the universe. This leaves us feeling deprived of structure and security. I believe it's not our searching for the reason for affliction that's important, it is our reaction to. This is where our faith in God becomes important. When one is "down and out" here is what you can to say to people: 1.Tell me how you feel about what happened? 2.That must feel awful. 3.It's not your fault that this happened. 4.Tell me how I can help you? 5.Would you like to talk more about it? 6.I am sorry that happened to you. 7.I'll keep in touch more often. 8.I'll pray for you and your family. 9.I'll be there for you.We need to learn to be more sensitive to those who are suffering. As a partner or friend, our role is not to fix matters, but to learn to become a good listener. We must listen without trying to provide reasons and explanations that are not helpful. As I said, we must "just be there and let things be the way they are."James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He received his post-graduate counseling training at Northern Illinois University. James has taught Master's level classes in counselor education through Chapman University of California. He specializes in working with patients who have depressive, anxiety, pain management and autistic spectrum disorders. James has written numerous articles on a variety of counseling-related topics, all available via Google searches. His first book, Stepping Out of the Bubble, is available at www.booklocker.com. James is in the process of having his second work published which is entitled, It Never Was About You: Saying Goodbye to the Magical Illusions of Childhood. He can be reached through his new, contemporary website at www.krehbielcounseling.com. Originally published on SearchWarp.com for James P Krehbiel Saturday, December 29, 2007 Article Source: How to Respond to Tragedy

How To Surrender To Grief by Louis LaGrand, Ph.D. http://extraordinarygriefexperiences.com "What you resist persists" is an old psychological saying that is especially applicable to anyone when mourning the death of a loved one. In other words, trying to repress feelings, "be strong" or pretend you are doing well when you are not, will guarantee that pain will spill out in unexpected ways. You will not only prolong the intensity of your grief process, you can be sure you will add loads of unnecessary suffering to legitimate pain and sadness.Grief is, contrary to popular belief, a normal human response. It seeks expression when facing massive change due to the death of a loved one, as well as other major losses. The key words here are "normal" and "expression." Yes, the fear, despair, lack of control and more are part of the experience and not signs there is something wrong with you. So how can you allow grief to work its magic toward accepting the reality of the death of your loved one and find peace of mind? Here are five essentials used by millions of mourners who have found peace through expression.1. Tell it like it is. It may be a hell for you. Do not suppress (you consciously choose not to say what you feel) or repress (you unconsciously bury certain thoughts and feelings) the things you feel simply because they do not seem to reflect well on the image of rugged individualism that the culture teaches. Suppression and repression are two actions that often lead to reactive depression when grieving. It's healthy to admit you are hurting through writing, painting, drawing, or speaking to those you trust.2. Cry when you feel like it, even if it continues on for hours or days. Let the pain drain out through this natural response to the loss of something cherished. If necessary, place yourself in the company of those who can be around pain and will not try to inhibit tears. Also, don't feel that you must cry. Some people grieve less through tears and talking, and more through thought and action. Nevertheless, remember that crying is a normal human response, not a sign of weakness.3. Take time to be alone in a quiet setting. Occasionally, you need time alone to think about the relationship with the loved one without the presence of others. Even talk to the deceased. But never forget, one of the easiest routes to freedom is through interpersonal relationships. In the long run, too much isolation is detrimental. You will need to do what you dislike doing by being around others. It is not an easy choice when you would rather stay away and hidden. Yet, doing the distasteful is surrendering to grief. Seek and accept help. We need each other.4. Consider adapting this belief and explore it: Life never ends, your loved one lives on, and s/he is in a better place. Read about what others of all persuasions say about an afterlife, especially scientists. I have always liked Einstein's quote: "The probability of life originating by accident, is comparable to the probability of the unabridged dictionary resulting from an explosion in a print shop."And, examine some of the literature about other mourners who were convinced they had a sign or message from a deceased loved one or a divine being. Find out why millions believe that no one ever dies alone or grieves alone. Discover that there is always someone there for you, your Higher Power and your loved one, who will listen. Love is there for everyone; there are no exceptions.5. Let grief go through you at its own pace, that is at your pace. When we choose to love, we automatically choose to grieve. There is no way out-only through, as you choose. Make every effort not to resist grief. All relationships end in physical separation. However, although the person is no longer physically present, love never dies; it forever lives on. Follow your agenda for grieving and reduce contact with those who want you to follow their agenda. Accept the fact that the history of loss shows you will survive.To summarize, there is a wide range of normalcy in grieving. Give yourself permission to openly mourn, feel the pain, and persist through it all. Grief is not time bound. Beware of comparing yourself to others. Accept your feelings, as distasteful as they seem, as normal, normal, normal, especially after you have a good day and suddenly you find yourself feeling the way you did early in your grief. Then continue on and treasure what you have-a way to peace, knowing that your loved one lives on through you and what you have learned from your experience.Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His monthly ezine-free website is www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com .Originally published on SearchWarp.com for Louis LaGrand, Ph.D. Thursday, June 04, 2009 Article Source: How To Surrender To Grief

Chinese Customs The burial of the dead is a very serious matter in Chinese societies. Improper funeral arrangements can cause bad fortune upon the family of the deceased. Chinese funeral rites and burial customs are determined by the age, the manner of the death, the status and position in society and the marital status of the deceased. According to Chinese custom, an older person should not show respect to a younger. Thus, if the deceased is a young bachelor his body cannot be brought home but is left in a funeral parlour. His parents cannot offer prayers for their son: being unmarried he has no children to perform these rites either. If a baby or child dies no funeral rites are performed, as respect cannot be shown to a younger person: the child is buried in silence. Preparations for a funeral often begin before death has occurred. When a death occurs in a family all statues of deities in the house are covered with red paper and mirrors removed from sight, as it is believed that one who sees the reflection of a coffin in a mirror will shortly have a death in their own family. A white cloth will be hung across the doorway of the house and a gong placed on the left of the entrance if the deceased is male and right if female. Before being placed in the coffin, the corpse is cleaned with a damp towel, dusted with talcum powder and dressed in their best clothes. The body is completely dressed, including footwear, and cosmetics if female, but it is not dressed in red clothes (as this will cause the corpse to become a ghost): white, black, brown or blue are the usual colours used. Before being placed in the coffin the corpse's face is covered with a yellow cloth and the body with a light blue one.The wake The coffin is placed on its own stand either in the house, if the person has died at home, or in the courtyard outside the house, if the person has died away from home. The coffin is placed with the head of the deceased facing the inside of the house resting about a foot from the ground on two stools, and wreaths, gifts and a portrait or photograph of the deceased are placed at the head of the coffin. The coffin is not sealed during the wake. Food is placed in front of the coffin as an offering to the deceased. The deceased?s comb will be broken into halves, one part placed in the coffin, one part retained by the family. During the wake, the family does not wear jewellery or red clothing; red is the colour of happiness. Traditionally, children and grandchildren of the deceased did not cut their hair for forty-nine days after the date of death, but this custom is usually only observed now by the older generations of Chinese. It is customary for blood relatives and daughters-in-law to wail and cry during mourning as a sign of respect and loyalty to the deceased. Wailing is particularly loud if the deceased has left a large fortune. At the wake, the family of the deceased gathers around the coffin, positioned according to their order in the family. Special clothing is worn: children and daughters in law wear black (signifying that they grieve the most), grandchildren blue and great grandchildren light blue. Sons-in-law wear brighter colours such as white, as they are considered outsiders. The children and daughters-in-law also wear a hood of sackcloth over their heads. The eldest son sits at the left shoulder of his parent and the deceased?s spouse at the right. Later-arriving relatives must crawl on their knees towards the coffin. An altar, upon which burning incense and a lit white candle are placed, is placed at the foot of the coffin. Joss paper and prayer money, to provide the deceased with sufficient income in the afterlife, are burned continuously throughout the wake. Funeral guests are required to light incense for the deceased and to bow as a sign of respect to the family. There will also be a donation box, as money is always offered as a sign of respect to the family of the deceased: it will also help the family defray the costs of the funeral. During the wake there will usually be seen a group of people gambling in the front courtyard of the deceased?s house: the corpse has to be ?guarded? and gambling helps the guards stay awake during their vigil; it also helps to lessen the grief of the participants. The length of the wake depends upon the financial resources of the family, but is at least a day to allow time for prayers to be offered. While the coffin is in the house a monk will chant verses from Buddhist or Taoist scriptures at night. It is believed that the souls of the dead face many obstacles and even torments and torture, for the sins they have committed in life, before they are allowed to take their place in the afterlife: prayers, chanting and rituals offered by the monks help to smooth the passage of the deceased?s soul into heaven. These prayers are accompanied by music played on the gong, flute and trumpet.Funeral ceremony When the prayer ceremonies are over the wailing of the mourners reaches a crescendo and the coffin is nailed shut. The sealing represents the separation of the dead from the living. Yellow and white ?holy? papers are pasted on the coffin to protect the body being disturbed by malign spirits. During the sealing of the coffin all present turn away from the coffin, as watching a coffin being sealed is considered very unlucky. The coffin is then carried (with the head of the deceased facing forward) from the house (being a pallbearer is considered to bestow the blessing of the deceased upon the bearer, thus there are usually many volunteers) using a piece of wood tied over the coffin. The coffin is not carried directly to the cemetery but is first placed on the side of the road outside the house, where more prayers are offered and papers scattered. The coffin is placed in a hearse, which moves slowly for a mile, with the eldest son and family members following behind with their heads touching the hearse. If there are many relatives, a white piece of cloth links the hearse to family members behind. Order in the funeral procession follows the order of status in the family. A white piece of cloth is tied to vehicles accompanying the hearse, or a white piece of paper may be pasted on their windshields. The eldest son usually sits next to the coffin. A long, lit joss stick is held throughout the journey, symbolizing the soul of the deceased, and is relit immediately if it goes out. Occasionally paper models of objects such as cars, statues ships etc. are carried with the procession symbolizing the wealth of the deceased?s family. If the procession needs to cross water, the deceased must be informed that the cortege is to cross it, as it is believed that if not informed, the soul of the dead will not be able to cross the water.The burial Chinese cemeteries are generally located on hillsides as this is thought to improve the feng shui. The further up the hill the grave is, the better its situation is thought to be. When the procession arrives at the graveside it is taken down from the hearse and, again, all present turn away from the coffin, and also turn away when it is lowered into the grave. Family members and other relatives throw a handful of earth into the grave before it is filled. After the funeral, all clothes worn by the mourners will be burned in order to avoid the bad luck associated with death. After the coffin is buried, the keeper of the cemetery will also offer prayers for the deceased. Family members and relatives are presented with a red packet (a sign of gratitude from the deceased family, and the money contained in it must be spent) and a white towel, also as a sign of gratitude but also for funeral guests to wipe off perspiration. The eldest son of the deceased will retrieve some earth from the grave to be placed in an incense holder, and the family at home using an ancestral tablet will worship the deceased.Mourning Although the funeral rites are now over, the period of mourning by the family continues for a hundred days. A piece of coloured cloth is worn on the sleeve of each of the family members for the hundred days to signify mourning: black by the deceased?s children, blue by the grandchildren and green by the great-grandchildren. More traditional families will wear these cloths for up to 3 years. A period of mourning is not expected if children die, and a husband is not compelled to mourn the passing of his wife.The return of the deceased Chinese belief holds that seven days after the death of a family member the soul of the departed will return to their home. A red plaque with suitable inscription may be placed outside the house at this time to ensure the soul does not become lost. On the day of the return of the soul, family members are expected to remain in their rooms. Flour or talcum powder may be dusted on the floor of the entrance hall of the home to detect the visit of the deceased.This article was originally published at http://www.newsfinder.org/site/more/chinese_funeral_customs/

Reading poems or verse at funerals. Poems or verse at a funeral can be a great comfort if chosen wisely. When someone reads a suitable verse befitting the person's life it makes the service very personal and is a comfort for the family. It doesn't have to be a sad poem, remember you are reflecting the persons life, not death. If the person who died had a great sense of humour then it stands to reason to choose a poem that identifies with that humour. His or her occupation can be taken into account as well, if he was a shearer then a poem about that work would be very appropriate especially if it has a touch of humour and describes the way shearers work and live. A funeral service provided for a shearer had a poem that people smile and later say how it personalised his funeral. Lonesome and hot covered with dust the Hilton its not and the work is a must. The shearer bends down in the heat of the day and he earns the sweet crown of the Alice okay. When the shearing is done they sit down on the porch just to have some good fun in the light of the torch Where the VB is flowing from big can after can til the rooster is crowing, it's the night of The Man. He has done his day's work with a hundred and ten and thus beaten the jerk by the name of Fat Ben. As the years pass by like Mozzies those who love it out here are the fair dinkum Aussies who at night drink their Beer. Another verse that is popular in the country areas of Australia is Palsm 23 the Aussie Version by Kel Richards from the Aussie Bible. The verse can be found here in the database of poemsWriting a personalised poem yourself is always a wonderful way to tell the story of a persons life describing how loving they were, how family orintated or how much they loved kids or their work, anything that brings out the personality of his or her life. No one expects it to be written like Keats or Lord Byron, just something that comes from the heart. Author: Jacqui Byrne

Celebrating Life A Celebrant reads a biographical story about the honoree. The honoree's brother shares a poem he has written. And throughout the service a vibrant yellow in many shapes and forms: a hat, scarf, a ribbon. You might well think you have stumbled upon a wedding, but no, you are at a funeral. "There is a funeral revolution-evolution going on" said the late octgenarian, Rosilyn Wilder, world renowned drama therapist and community leader. "Funerals have become celebrations..and it's about time." While she was alive, Wilder held a celebration of Life ceromony that was attended by her family and friends.This movement toward peronalised and meaningful eulogies has become about because of a demand by baby boomers, those members of the "me generation" born between the late 1940's and the early 60's.But this desire for personalisation is far from new - in fact, it is a revival of ancient custom of paying homage to ancestors and having personal stories told and passed down for future generations.Funeral celebrants work in tandem with funeral directors to transform the common funeral into a much more satisfying and life affirming tribute..Typically a funeral celebrant spends 10 hours preparing for a 45 minute eulogy. This preparation begins with a family interview. Sometimes words are just not adequate in expressing grief and this is when symbols and rituals can better communicate the deep sense of loss and sorrow. Accompanied with music and photos they can become a backdrop to the life celebration.Symbols indeed can be lasting, for example at one funeral, a young child's cremated remains were scattered over the family's favourite fishing hole. Later his memorial urn was transformed into a living garden sculpture and home for birds.Personalised services can also help children get to know their grandparents histories. Years from now a child won't have to ask who their great grandparents were, they will know and have an accurate record. It's our loved ones that are the famous peole in our lives; they are the ones that make a lasting imprint and whose legacy inspires us.An excerpt from the American Funeral Director Charlotte Eulette is employed by the Celebrant USA Foundation and Institute. For more information, visit www.celebrantusa.org.

Teaching Children About Death How many uses can you find for a dead fox? When I happened upon one recently whilst out walking with my children, the poor lifeless creature suddenly became the catalyst for an important family moment. It was an opportunity to talk about death. You won't find 'thanatology' on the curriculum at school, yet it's the one subject that every child will have to deal with at some point. Thanatology is the little known word used to describe death education, a taboo in our society, especially when dealing with children. They learn about birth in sex education, but our final rite of passage is rarely acknowledged by either school or home. It is estimated by Winston's Wish, a charity that works with bereaved children and their families, that 5% of children will experience the death of a parent or sibling, and 10% will lose a parent, carer, close friend or relative. Most children will be aware of the death of someone more distant, or will lose a pet. No matter how idyllic we try to make childhood, death will always be there to cast a shadow.The modern child's relationship to death is likely to be a puerile one. Many children are exposed to high levels of glorified violence and death through television and video games. At Halloween they play ghoulish games to confront fears about what lies beyond the grave. However, most children are unlikely to have ever seen a real dead body, or possibly even had a meaningful conversation with an adult about our final destiny. It is important that we share with children the reality of death, not in a morbid, fearful way, but as a natural process and great mystery. We all want children to inhabit a happy, positive world, but to deny them the reality of death also denies them something about the reality of life. In the words of the popular spiritual writer, the late M.Scott Peck, 'When we shy away from death, the ever-changing nature of things, we inevitably shy away from life.' Also, if we do not allow the concept of death to gently permeate children's lives, they will be ill prepared if sudden tragedy were to strike. The children's bereavement charity The Gone Forever Project is pressing the Government and Teacher's Training Agency to include death education in the school curriculum. It wants to ensure that all teachers are trained in the awareness of the issues which surround loss and bereavement, as part of their initial training. Teachers can include death education across the curriculum, as part of emotional literacy in Personal, Social and Health Education, or funeral rituals in Religious Education. Death could also be discussed in science lessons in terms of the lifecycle of the natural world. Schools also often have to respond to real deaths, either of a pupil, a parent or teacher. My son's junior school recently held an assembly in memory of one its pupils who had died of leukaemia. Helium balloons were released by the children with goodbye messages. Holding such a ceremony was controversial amongst the staff, some of whom thought it might be unnecessarily upsetting. When I went to collect my children, many pupils were weeping. It was terribly sad, but I felt that as well as being an important farewell ritual, it also reminded us all of the value of life. Parents and children seemed to be acutely aware of how much they loved each other that day. Parents will find that opportunities to discuss death with their children will spontaneously occur. On the simplest level you can point out to your children the cycles of birth and death that exist in nature. Notice together how the flowers first bloom, then die, how autumn and winter follow spring and summer. Discuss the ageing process by observing the physiology between old and young; and like the fox we found at the roadside, there are likely to be animal corpses to contemplate. The death of a pet often provides children with their first experience of personal grief, and for this reason is a positive learning experience. When a child's pet dies a parent needs to be sensitive about the loss, no matter how small the animal. An important way of doing this is by making sure there is a thoughtful goodbye ritual. This reassures the child that the pet was cared for, as well as providing a focus for their bereavement. Debbie Orme runs 'Goodbye My Pet' a company that makes attractive cardboard pet coffins and grave markers. It also supplies a helpful ceremony book to guide parents and children through a simple pet funeral at home. 'I get lots of letters from families telling me how much the funeral helped them all come to terms with the loss of their pet. Parents also say that the experience enabled the family to share their beliefs and feelings in a way they wouldn't normally. Adult pet lovers have used my coffins and ceremony booklets too, with similar results.' Debbie Orme believes that although the loss of a pet is a sad event for children, if handled well, it can also become a meaningful and memorable family experience. Children all deal with bereavement in different ways. Typically they may express their feelings through actions rather than words. Young children may wet the bed, cry and seek attention or feel unwell. Older children my display changes in personality, show sleep and appetite disturbances, find it hard to concentrate at school and become depressed. Some children may show no obvious signs of bereavement at all initially. It is quite usual for grief to come in waves and for a child to feel sad one moment, and the next seem perfectly happy. Although talking to children about the death of a person or animal that they love may be one of the hardest things we ever have to do, it is one of the most important ways we can help as they journey through their grief. Children's levels of understanding about death Under twos Have little concept of death but will still miss the deceased and sense the upset. Two to four year olds Find it hard to understand that death is permanent, and may ask when the deceased is coming back. Five to ten year olds They begin to understand the finality of death, and can have lots of questions about it. Adolescence The finality of death is more fully understood. It may be a time of high emotions, and a reluctance to open up and share with you. by: Debbie Orme and Jane Bartlett Ref:http://www.articlecity.com/articles/family/article_1829.shtml

Why you should pre pay your funeral Most people want to put off thinking about their funerals. However, you can save your loved ones a good deal of hassle by doing some of the planning in advance. Here are eight reasons why it's a good idea to have a prepaid funeral plan. 1. Your wishes will be carried out. What you want to happen will take place. This is vitally important to most people. 2. The Funeral Director's costs are fixed from the outset so your family will be spared financial obligations - nothing hidden! You'll know that your funeral director will not be able to increase their fees agreed with you by contract. 3.You can choose the plan you want and you can specify your own 'extras'. You can plan your pre-paid funeral plan to your own satisfaction. 4. You spare your family from difficult decisions Who really wants to make those decisions apart from the person themselves? 5.Your own finances may be improved You may be entitled to benefits form local authorities if your total finances are below certain levels. 6. You won't worry about the safety of your money - it will be held in trust You can't pay money directly to the plan provider's bank account. 7. Another family member may need the plan before you You can transfer the plan to another family member if their need arrives before your own. Some couples buy just one plan and use it for whoever dies first and then buy a second plan, but it's more cost effective to buy two at the start to save money from inflation. 8. Those you leave behind will remember your thoughtfulness This is very important to most people. When we leave this life we like to think that others thought well of us. Sharon Hurley Hall is a freelance writer, ghostwriter and editor. For more information on prepaid funeral plans, visit Silver Birch Solutions To contact Sharon, visit http://www.doublehdesign.com/ Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sharon_Hurley_Hall TOP

How To Express Sympathy When Someone Suffers A Loss Death is something people dont want to think about. This just makes the person feel so bad inside and make one think if this could be have been prevented. The truth is death is another phase in life. By learning how to cope with this when it happens in the family, the individual will be able to express the same amount of sympathy and concern when this happens to a loved one or a friend. Here are some tips of showing concern when this happens to others. 1. Upon learning of the loss, the friend should go to the wake and pay some respects. Saying a few words of comfort are the best way to console anyone in that situation. 2. If the individual is a businessman and the deceased was a regular client, perhaps sending flowers will be the best way to thank the person for the patronage in the past. This can also be done to an employee for the years served in making the company grow. 3. The friend may not be able to give much to the grieving family. Those in the office can put up a collection and give this instead. It doesnt matter how much it is but just the thought is what counts the most. 4. Some people are not able to say the right things during this time of grief. Should this happen, perhaps it will be a good idea to wait a month before putting something down in paper in the form of a letter or card as a way of showing respect for what has happened. 5. Mourning takes a long time. When the grieved is ready, perhaps it is time to go out and have some fun. This doesnt mean watching a movie or going to the amusement park. The friend should just do whatever the other one wants. 6. It is wrong to tell the other I know what you are feeling, especially if the friend has never been in that situation before. Instead, it will be better to say Im here if you want someone to talk to. 7. In time, healing can begin by talking about the loss. What caused it and the things that were done to stop this especially if this was a fatal disease. This should go on to better things such as at last the pain is over and he or she is in a better place.It will be better to remember the good times shared and what made the individual stand out over others. 8. Life goes on after the deceased has been buried. Since the friend has other obligations such as work and other duties for the family, it wouldnt hurt to give the grieved a call to check up on things or a visit every so often. The individual will surely appreciate this more than anything since other people will just be there during the wake and the funeral and that is just about it. 9. The death of a friend is a shock and painful to those who are present. The person can step up and say a few kind words during the eulogy as a reminder of how important this man or woman was in the life of the individual. 10. Funerals are costly. Writing a check to cover certain expenses is another way to show sympathy for the family who experienced a loss. If the money wont be accepted, perhaps giving this away to a charity in honor of the deceased will be more appropriate. 11. Another nice thing to do will be to hold a service for the deceased. A call should be placed to the parish priest so the name of that individual will be mentioned together with others who have done the same. There are other ways to show sympathy for someone who has suffered a loss. The religion of the person is important to avoid making any mistakes. It is never easy for anyone to go through a tragic death. The smallest gesture is more than enough in this time of grief. By putting things aside and spending time with those in that situation, this will really show if one is a true companion or not.TOP

Helping Loved One's In A Crisis ... Ten Steps To HelpingWhen my elderly parents fell ill, I found myself in a very human predicament. I was thrust into the role of parent and advocate while simultaneously dealing with the almost paralyzing fear of their imminent deaths. Although I write and teach about metaphysics and healing on a theoretical and philosophical level, these personal challenges have offered me powerful insights I feel called to share with others. They are truly universal experiences and apply not only to parents but equally to any loved one. In our lifetimes, many of us will have the experience of caring for a loved one too ill to care for themselves. For some of us, it may be the inexorable and heartbreaking decline of a loved-one, which though painful may allow time for a gradual acceptance of their fate. Others will be confronted with a sudden, unexpected illness or death of a close friend or relative. There can be some preparation and planning in dealing with the former, almost none for the latter. Each, however, can be equally devastating.I my case I have been dealing with both situations simultaneously.My mother is the one who for the past several years has been afflicted with an insidious form of dementia characterized by diminishing short term memory. Under this scenario my 87 year old Father, with his own chronic but stable heart condition, attempted to be her primary caretaker. He was exasperated at times but he forged on despite our pleadings with him to hire someone to 'live in' . Needless to say, a 'crash' occurred. From a recent 'head cold' my Father developed an overwhelming pneumonia which in only a few hours nearly killed him. He was clearly so depleted of 'energy' that his immune system was useless. An otherwise innocuous viral or bacterial infection was capable of overwhelming his defenses. And as a physician I am aware that despite modern drugs and technology even young patients can die from pneumonia.As an adult child who happens to be a physician I immediately felt the enormous stress of leaping into the chaos and trying to assist both parents simultaneously. Anyone in similar circumstances will attest to the incredible strain on their entire being.This immediately raised powerfully complex and paradoxical metaphysical issues in my mind: How can you 'be there' completely for those you love who are facing critical situations, while maintaining your own state of health? How do you deal the feelings of guilt that may ensue if you admit concern for your own well being in the face of the crisis of a cherished loved-one? My father's deep empathy for his wife, my mother, resulted in his own catastrophe. How could I avoid the kind of self sacrifice that would render me useless to anyone? Is such a balance even possible? When you go through a crisis like this, it can seem odd, surreal and unreal. Even dealing with physicians and "hospital speak" may seem strange and bizarre. It may help you to realize that this is a universal human phenomenon. You are not alone in the experience or in facing these challengesHere are some insights to help you survive and, yes, spiritually grow.1. Place one foot in front of the other. During times of actual crisis don't project or worry about the future. Deal with the immediate only. Pick out the closest goal or target. Don't begin to worry about what WILL or MIGHT occur down the road. Don't dwell on how traumatic these events are for everyone in the family. This will only increase your anxiety and distress. Pick the next step and concentrate fully on that. Your worry about the future is a waste of your energy during times of crisis. Furthermore, you predictions may be entirely erroneous.2. Acknowledge the nature of your emotional distress-- fear. This is the most basic of emotions. The shocking awareness, in childhood, that we are separate beings whose parents cannot protect us is a feeling that never truly dissipates. The fear of being alone rushes back precipitously when we are reminded of our loved one's mortality 3. Assume the role of the parent/caregiver. You are now the advocate. Make sure your loved one is getting the best medical care possible. Your job is not to 'play doctor' but to find the most competent and caring physicians you can. Work with medical professionals you can trust to guide you and your loved one through these difficult times.4. See the crisis as an opportunity for healing relationships. Many individuals have had fractured and painful relationships with their parents or loved-ones. Seeing your loved-ones as vulnerable and wounded may offer new opportunities for healing. Rather than repeating this cycle of generational pain/anger, this can be a transformative time for all concerned.5. Face your deepest fears and pain . Most psychologists and spiritual leaders recognize the need to experience, rather than supress, these feelings. The universality of death and transient nature of life are realities for us all. Knowing this from a spiritual perspective can help you dialogue and deal with the intense feelings of the heart. This is not easy--but it is necessary and ultimately healing.6. Honor what is going on with your loved one on a spiritual and metaphysical level. In addition to the physical emergency, see the higher truth. Understand that the physical brain/body is constantly changing and ultimately deteriorating. Understand that karmic forces will ultimately determine the outcome of this life as well as its ending. 7. Share your fears with others. Don't try to deny your own pain and frustration. Ventilate your own distress and tell the truth about what you are going through. Don't be afraid to frighten off others. Those who care will be there for you. 8. Experience the power of prayer and love -- Let the love and prayers of others uplift you. Soak in the love.9. Recognize the core truths of life. When a loved one is in a crisis, we change our priorities and notions of what is important in life. The pursuit of material wealth, professional recognition, ego gratification are easily shed. Unfortunately, after a while, time and again we forget these healing lessons and return to our prior state of consciousness.10. Choose wisely. When it comes to decisions regarding end of life or continued treatment be sure to make the judgment based on the best interest of your loved-one. Too often there are unnecessary tests, procedures and surgeries performed on individuals who are in the process of actively dying and who have no realistic hope for recovery. Rather than allow their relatives to die peacefully they may insist that 'everything be done'. This causes unnecessary pain and suffering. Often the motivation is guilt or the inability to 'let go'. In such situations, this can be a selfish, rather than a loving act.The most important advice is to maintain your own health. This is a warning to be heeded. My own Father's illness was a direct consequence of not taking care of his own physical/emotional/spiritual needs. Although we may be focused completely on our loved-ones suffering, we need to be strong in order to be there. Withdraw yourself mentally from their crisis for short periods and do not feel guilty. Maintain your nutrition, exercise and rest. Whether meditation, exercise or prayer are your personal modes of finding strength, don't abandon them now. Remember the universal statements regarding the use of oxygen masks on airplanes: "When flying with children, always place YOUR mask on first." You have to be strong and conscious in order to help others.On your journey, remember also that Love Heals. Your presence in your loved one's life is a healing presence ... let others replenish you with their love and compassion along the way .Steven E. Hodes, MD., 2006 *We dedicate this article to the author's mom, Mildred Hodes, who passed a few weeks after it was written. About the author: Steven E. Hodes, M.D. is a board certified gastroenterologist with over 25 years private practice based in Edison and Old Bridge New Jersey. He also has a degree in Religious Studies and teaches Contemporary Metaphysics at Brookdale College as well as lecturing and writing on Kabbalah and Healing, the Jewish View of Afterlife and on Near-Death Experience. Visit him at his daily Blog, Physician to Meta-Physician at www.meta-md.com.

Starting Over How does one start over after the loss of a loved one? It is a monumental task that just feels overwhelming at times. Similar rebuilding occurs after the death, divorce or separation of a loved one. First comes the shock of the loss and an almost denial that is has happened, particularly if there was no warning. We have hopes and dreams of the future that include our loved one and suddenly he or she is not there. How will we cope? How can we go on? But go on we must and we will. Often times our first step is to attempt to regain what we have lost. This is impossible if our loved one has died but that doesn't stop us from trying. A lot of what we go through in our grieving process is our best attempt to keep that person alive and well in our perception. So, we do things like go over the memories, look through picture albums, talk about our loved one to everyone who will listen, think about him or her every minute and even speak to him or her out loud.If a loved one has not died, but has chosen to walk out of your life, it can be more challenging. In this instance, you not only have to get over the shock of the loss but also cope with the feelings of rejection. In our best attempt to get our loved one back, we may engage in all the behaviors someone who has lost their partner to death would. But in addition, we may beg them to take us back, follow our loved one around, try to get our friends to intervene on our behalf, and a host of other maladaptive behaviors. Everyone grieves at his or her own pace. I am in no way suggesting that this process can or should be rushed. What I am saying is that when a person is ready, he or she can turn the grief into a new hope for the future. There's a quote I've learned that is very helpful during this phase. Unfortunately, I do not know its source. The quote is: " Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." This is a highly evolved place to get and not everyone gets there. However, if you find yourself in the process of starting over, adopting this particular attitude can be fairly helpful. You would begin by brainstorming all the possible benefits of no longer being in relationship with the person who's gone. This may seem uncomfortable at first, almost a betrayal of the love you shared, but it is the most healing thing you can do at this point. You may feel that moving on will, in some way, send the message that you didn't really love enough. In an attempt to show the world how much you loved your partner, you use the depth of your grieving as the message. And if you are someone who wants to continue grieving, then nothing I have to say will get in your way. You don't even have to continue reading. This article is really for those people who are tired of being depressed, who are ready to us start again and who want to actually believe that things can get better. In 1999, my husband died of leukemia when he was 37 years old, leaving behind our two sons ages 13 and 15. Initially, there was no positive benefit I could see from that event at all. However when I was ready to look for the positives, they did appear. One of the first positives I saw is that I actually had the opportunity to say goodbye. My husband's entire family had the opportunity to say the things they wanted to say to bring closure to their relationships with him. Many people do not have that opportunity when loved ones pass. A second benefit is that when my husband learned he was sick, he stopped working. He didn't stop because he was too sick. He stopped because there was some research link between his type of leukemia and the chemical benzene -- something he worked with at his job. Prior to his illness, my husband was a workaholic. Once diagnosed, he began to spend lots of quality time with our children. He coached soccer, coached Little League, taught our boys how to work on cars, and spent long hours with them hunting and fishing. This would not have happened had he lived to be a hundred years old with his workaholic behavior. You too, can find the benefit in the loss of your last relationship. It merely involves putting on the proper lenses that will allow you to see it. Just like in science, there can be no positive without the negative and no negative without the positive. You can't have protons without neutrons -- and you can't have a devastating event in your life without it also bringing some positive benefits. Healing and moving on requires these lenses. While you continue to mourn the loss of your relationship, you're only staying stuck in the past. Let's return to the quote mentioned above. Instead of mourning the loss of the relationship, focus on how fortunate you were to have that relationship in your life for as long as you did. There are no guarantees in this life. When a loved one enters our life, there is no surety for how long he or she will stay. They're not possessions to be owned, but rather our gift to be cherished for as long as we have it. One of the first steps to take in healing our grief is to reach out to others in our life who love us. When someone we love leaves us, it creates a huge void in our life. Some try to fill this void with drugs or alcohol, but that only results in a temporary reprieve from the pain. If love is what we lost, then the only thing that will help us to feel better is more love. During this time you may confuse sex with love and go looking for meaningless encounters. However, this again will only postpone the inevitability of the pain of the loss of love. We must replace love with love. Reach out to friends, family and co-workers --- anyone who will fill some of the gap left by your loved one. It's not the same, it's not what you are really craving, but it will help heal the pain. After that temporary reprieve with those who love us, you must start rebuilding your life and your strength. You can go on. You can laugh again. And yes, you can love again. Love has many forms. You may develop another relationship in time. You may find a cause that you love and believe in. You may "adopt" a neighborhood child. You may find or create work you love. You may get a pet that you can love unconditionally. You may become involved (but not too involved) in the lives of your extended family. Whatever form love takes, it will fill the void that was left by the relationship you lost. But none of this will truly do the trick unless you learn to love yourself again. How does one accomplish this task? You must take inventory. Make a list of all that you have to offer the world. What are your strengths? What are your interests? What are your talents and abilities? What do you love? If you're having difficulty completing your list, ask someone you trust for help. An objective viewpoint can often point out positives of which we are unaware. And if, after taking this step, you are still unsure of your special talents and skills, then make a list of the person that you want to be. What is it that you would like to be able to offer the world? Describe a person that you admire whom you would strive to become. As long as there's breath in your body, it is never too late to learn to expand and grow to become the person that you truly want to be. If you feel as if your life is over, you are truly wasting the gift of life that you have been given. There is only one you. You have something unique inside you to offer the rest of us. Please don't keep it hidden, lost in your grief Do not climb in the grave with your loved one. It is not your time. Do not wither and die behind the door your loved one closed on his or her way out of your life. Find someone less fortunate than you, and do something for them without expecting anything in return. You'll be surprised what that does to elevate your mood. If you are ready and having trouble getting started, please email me at Kim@therelationshipcenter.biz or phone me at 708-957-6047. I would be happy to talk with you further about this.About the author: Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power and improve the quality of their relationships with the important people in their lives. For further information about Kim visit her website at www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz or contact her at (708) 957-6047. TOP

Grief-How To Deal With It Author: Dr. Pradeep K Chadha Grief is an integral part of almost everyone's life. Whenever you go through the loss of a near and dear one, you go through a grief process. Grief is experienced physically and psychologically. Crying is an integral part of grief process. In cultures where crying is acceptable, loss is borne more readily than in those in which crying is discouraged. When we have lost a near and dear one, it is initially difficult to accept the loss. This is natural. As time passes, the loss becomes easier to bear from a psychological perspective. But emotional expression is still an integral part of grieving. If the person is not allowed to grieve due to societal or family pressures, other problems like depression or anxiety may arise. From Nature's perspective, once someone has died, it is important that the(unconscious) mind accepts the loss. Once the unconscious mind accepts the loss after going through crying and sadness , life becomes easier. A simple exercise will bring benefit to all those who want to deal with grief of a loved one.. Exercise: Close your eyes and imagine seeing the lost loved one in front of you. Talk to the person in your mind as if the person was standing in front of you. Treat the image as a real person. Having finished saying what you would like to say, bid the person GOODBYE and see the person go. You will notice feeling like crying or feeling sad. . Do this exercise everyday at least once, preferably before sleeping, till you start to feel comfortable seeing the person go. By that time your sadness will have reduced to a remarkable extent. This exercise can save you many months of counseling and a lot of money if done as advised. . About the author: Pradeep K Chadha is a psychiatrist who specialises in helping patients with meditation and imagery using little or no medication. He is the author of The Stress Barrier-Nature's Way To Overcoming Stress published by Blackhall Publishing, Dublin. He is based in Dublin, Ireland.His website address is :www.drpkchadha.com

Managing The Fear Of Loneliness Author: Stan Popovich Sometime or another we will experience a time when we are alone. Some people fear of being alone for various reasons. The first step is to become comfortable with yourself and having the self-confidence that you will be able to manage being alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone. If being alone bothers you then seeing a counselor can help you with these issues. In the meantime, here is a short list of techniques that a person can use so that the fear of being alone doesn't become a major issue in their lives.The first step is to find an activity that you enjoy and where you can meet a lot of people. For instance, joining a group activity such as a volleyball group, women's club, or making crafts can be a great way to meet people. Doing something that you like to do will make you happy and will increase your chances of making friends. Spending time with animals can be a great source of companionship. Whether you have a dog or you go to your local shelter, spending time with an animal or pet can help us to feel better. Animals can be of good company to all of us whether we are alone or not. Helping others through community service can be of some help. There are many people out there who could benefit from your time and talents. Helping others can give you a source of pride and accomplishment and also can lead to friendships.It isn't fun being alone, but sometimes there are worse things. For instance, imagine that you are married or stuck in a relationship that you can't get out of and also makes you miserable. Not only do you have to live with this person, but there is no way to get out of the relationship because of various financial or personal reasons. As a result, you are stuck living with someone that you can't stand and makes you depressed every single day of your life. With this viewpoint,being alone doesn't sound that bad.For those of you who believe in God, spending time with God and praying to him can help us in our lonely situation. Spending time with God and asking God for help in our time of loneliness can be of great comfort. You never know how God will work in ones life. Ask him for help and trust that he will help you. As a Layman, the important thing is to do something constructive. Sitting around and doing nothing will not make things any better whether its dealing with the fear of being alone or something else. Take it one day at a time and stay committed in trying to solve your problem. About the author:Stan Popovich is the author of "A Layman's Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, hristianity and Non Resistant Methods"-a book that presents a overview of techniques in managing Fear.For more info go to: http://www.managingfear.com For free articles on managing fear please go to: http://www.managingfear.com

The 10 Warning Signs of Suicide Author: Anne Wolski - In a time when suicide has become a culture in society, it is important to be able to recognise the warning signs. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in people aged 15 - 24 with young males four times more likely to succeed due to the lethal ways in which they choose to kill themselves. 1. Previous suicide attempts:Previous suicide attempts are the biggest risk factor of a person successfully completing suicide. The more attempts the person makes, the more likely that he or she will eventually die by suicide. Often people say that people who attempt suicide are only looking for attention. This may be true but it is also true to say that the person is obviously in a state of pain and needs help and understanding. The reality is that suicidal behaviour is usually a last resort when the person feels that all else has failed. Normally, they are trying to resolve their inner pain rather than trying to manipulate those around them. 2. Recent suicide of a friend or relative: Sometimes, when a close friend or relative dies by suicide, others adopt a copy-cat attitude and follow the deceased person's lead. It is not uncommon for suicide of a friend or relative to trigger attempts by friends or others. 3. Threats of suicide:Many believe that people who talk about suicide won't actually do it. The reality is that, in the majority of cases, people have spoken of their intent before killing themselves. Often it may have been a single statement such as "Life's not worth living" or "I wish I were dead." Sometimes the person is preoccupied with death through a genre like music, art, or poetry.Talking about suicide or exhibiting unusual interest in death through other themes generally means that the person is considering suicide as an option and that they really need and want some help.4. Depression:A lot of people use the word 'depression' to describe feelings of sadness and loss. These feelings often pass within a few hours or a few days. During this time, people are able to carry on much as usual. However, if you feel sad much more intensely and for longer and your feelings start to interfere with your work, social life and family life, you may need to seek professional advice. There are a number of symptoms of depression and it's very rare for all symptoms to occur in one person all at once. You might feel it come on slowly, from sometimes feeling blue to deeper feelings more often. It is hard to accept that symptoms like sleeping badly or feeling worthless are depression. After all, don't we all feel that way sometimes? That's the key - sometimes. It's not normal to feel that way for a long time. For some people, the feelings of hopelessness and despair that accompany depression are more than they are equipped to cope with and, as a result of this lack of coping skills, some take the option of suicide.5. Changes in personality or behaviour:There may be changes in the person's behaviour including withdrawal, loss of interest in personal care and appearance, angry outbursts, and absenteeism from work or school. Their performance at work or school will often decline as well. 6. Increased use of drugs and/or alcohol:People who have difficulty in coping with problems will sometimes turn to substances such as alcohol or illicit and prescription drugs for relief. Abuse of these substances tends to lower inhibitions leading to an increase in risk-taking behaviour. Drug and alcohol abuse is often linked to suicide. 7. Behavioural disturbances:Behavioural disturbances such as anger, aggression, stealing, impulsive behaviours, isolation, and drug and alcohol abuse can be a sign of increased suicide risk. Sometimes, people who are particularly vulnerable may act out their feelings in a potentially destructive manner.8. Psychiatric illness:In some illnesses such as schizophrenia, it is not uncommon to hear voices. This can be a contributing factor in suicide if these voices are telling the person to take their own life even if that person does not want to die.9. Preparation for death:Preparation for death often includes such things as making a will, saying goodbye to people, apologising for past misdemeanours, and giving away their possessions, particularly their favourite things. They may also acquire the means to kill themselves such as a gun, rope, or pills.10. A sudden lift in spirits:If a person has a sudden lift in spirits, particularly after depression, it is often a significant factor. It can mean that the person is relieved because he or she has made a definite decision to take his or her life and that the problems and their resultant unhappiness will soon be ended. They will often have more energy at this point to end their life.Although not everyone displays these warning behaviours, a large percentage of people do display some of them. Encouraging the person to talk about their feelings, including their intended suicide, can be just what they need. No matter how uncomfortable you feel about the subject, it is important not to judge. A listening ear can make all the difference. About the author: Anne Wolski has worked within the health and welfare industry for over thirty years and has a passion for health and social issues. She is one of the directors of http://www.magnetic-health-online.com and also http://www.pharmacybyweb.com

Seven Easy Steps to Writing a Eulogy Both writing and delivering a eulogy are emotional, but at the same time a step towards healing. It's never easy to put into words what someone's life meant to you and to summarize their life in just a few minutes. By following the seven steps below you'll be on your way to creating a memorable and heart felt eulogy. Step One: Gather information. Jot down as many personal notes about the deceased as possible. Look at photos. Flipping through photo albums may remind you of important qualities and memories of the person who died. Answer a few questions: What made your loved one truly happy? What inspired you to write this eulogy? What were your loved one's passions? What will you remember most about this person? Keep in mind that a eulogy is not a biography but more your personal thoughts and remembrances from your point of view. You may want to ask co-workers, friends and others for their stories and memories. You should see some repetition in your notes and this will lead to the main theme. Step Two: Begin to organize your content. Outline the eulogy in these steps: I. A beginning to establish your theme. II. A middle section to build on your theme with personal stories, information, quotes, comments, sayings, poems and other content. This information should make up 90% of the eulogy. III. A short conclusion to summarize your thoughts and restate your theme. Step Three: Work first on the middle section (Part II). Once you have this part the beginning and summary will be easy. Develop the outline by grouping similar themes from your notes from Step 1. For example, you might want to gather all the achievements together. Merge the comments about the deceased's philosophy of life. Step Four: Organize the conclusion (Part III). A conclusion reminds the listeners of the theme and imprints the strong feeling you have about the loss. The key is to conclude effectively and quickly. Here is an example: "We will all miss Jackie's sense of humor, her talent for knowing what is really important in life and her famous chocolate chip cookies" (a little humor doesn't hurt as long as it's not offensive to anyone). "Her example lives as an inspiration for all of us to follow." Step Five: Write the beginning of the eulogy (Part 1). This usually starts with an attention getter. It will set the theme and can be in the form of a short story, a poem, a saying, lyrics to a song. It will introduce the goal and theme you used when you began the process. Step Six: Polish it up. Your best bet is to walk away from it for a few hours or overnight if possible. Work on it so it sounds like a conversation. You want to talk to the audience as naturally as possible. Key tips: Keep it short, 4-8 minutes long, 3-7 typed pages. Type it out using 14 pt type so it's easy to read. Vary sentence length. Number the pages. Practice the eulogy aloud and time yourself. Read it to friends and family and get their feedback. Edit where necessary. Keep the content in good taste and keep it positive. Step Seven: Delivering the eulogy. While normally speakers do not read word-for-word, because you are more than likely going to be emotional, don't be afraid to read word for word. This way you won't leave out any key points you or others wanted said. If making eye contact with members of the audience will make you emotional, either try and keep your eyes on the page or look just over the top of the audience to the back of the room. Feel free to pause, take a deep breath and drink some water. Everyone will understand. They are emotionally distraught also. Speak as naturally as you can just as if you were telling someone about your loved one. Speak up. It's very important that you speak clearly and loudly so that everyone can hear you. Keep the written eulogy as a memento. You can add it to your memento chest and share it with others who may want a copy. By following these steps, writing and delivering a eulogy will become less stressful and more of a healing process. About the author: Mary Hickey is an urn designer and thought leader in the funeral industry. She is co-founder of Renaissance Urn Company, based in San Francisco. For more information on how to plan a life celebration visit www.nextgenmemorials.com. Hickey can be reached at hickey_mary@hotmail.com.

Helping Children Cope With Fear & Anxiety Author: Arthur Buchanan - Whether tragic events touch your family personally or are brought into your home via newspapers and television, you can help children cope with the anxiety that violence, death and disasters can cause. The Caring for Every Child's Mental Health Campaign offers these pointers for parents and other caregivers: Encourage children to ask questions.Listen to what they say. Provide comfort and assurance that address their specific fears. It's okay to admit you can't answer all of their questions. Talk on their level. Communicate with your children in a way they can understand. Don't get too technical or complicated. Be honest. Tell them exactly what has happened. For example, don't say that someone who has died has "gone to sleep;" children may become afraid of going to bed. Find out what frightens them. Encourage your children to talk about fears they may have. They may worry that someone will harm them at school or that someone will try to hurt you. Focus on the positive. Reinforce the fact that most people are kind and caring. Remind your child of the heroic actions taken by ordinary people to help victims of tragedy. Pay attention. Your children's play and drawings may give you a glimpse into their questions or concerns. Ask them to tell you what is going on in the game or the picture. It's an opportunity to clarify any misconceptions, answer questions and give reassurance. Develop a plan. Establish a family emergency plan for the future, such as a meeting place where everyone should gather if something unexpected happens in your family or neighborhood. It can help you and your child feel safer.If you are concerned about your child's reaction to stress or trauma, call your physician or a community mental health center.To learn more about children's mental health:Call toll-free: 1.800.789.2647 (TDD): 301.443.9006Web site: www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/childAbout the author: Listen to Arthur Buchanan on the Mike Litman Show! http://freesuccessaudios.com/Artlive.mp3 THIS LINK WORKS, LISTEN TODAY! With Much Love, Arthur Buchanan President/CEO Out of Darkness & Into the Light 43 Oakwood Ave. Suite 1012 Huron Ohio, 44839 567-219-0994 (cell) www.out-of-darkness.com

Body donation for research If you are interested in donating your body, here are a few pointers. The first thing to do is register your intentions with one of the major Universities or Teaching Hospitals and they will keep your name on file. The donated bodies are used to study the structure of the whole human body so bodies that are unacceptable for the program include those that have:had a post-mortem examination - had recent surgery - had organs removed for donation (with the exception of corneal donation) - a possible contagious disease - been significantly altered by certain medical conditions or procedures - some other medical conditions (eg. severe vascular disease) - been assessed as obese or emaciated - been deceased for more than 5 days been assessed to be unsuitable for embalming.Please visit the The University of Western Australia School of Anatomy & Human Biology for full information.Contact information for West Australians:The Bequest Program Coordinator School of Anatomy & Human Biology The University of Western Australia 35 Stirling Highway CRAWLEY WA 6009Telephone: (08) 6488 3290 Facsimile: (08) 6488 1051 Email: bequests@anhb.uwa.edu.auIt is recommended the donor notify: next of kin/executor of their estate their doctor staff (if the donor resides in a nursing home) hospital staff (on admittance to hospital)Costs that may be involved:If a donor's bequest is declined, the estate or next of kin are responsible for making their own funeral arrangements.If a donor dies outside the metropolitan area the high expense of the transport cannot be met by the University. The responsiblity for the transfer costs rest with the estate or next of kin.The University does not cover the cost of funeral or memorial services, copies of death certificates or the collection of ashes from the cemetery.If a donor is accepted into the Body Bequest Program the cost of transfer and a simple cremation are met by the University. The ashes can also be interred in the Memorial Garden at Karrakatta Cemetery The generous bequests made by donors enable enhancement of anatomical study for: medical students dental students science students physiotherapy and nursing students postgraduate surgical trainees research scientists.An excellent article has been written by ABC correspondent Danny Kingsley which can be found at abc.net.au

Facts about Sudden Death Syndrome On August the 3rd 1977 a group of parents met for the first time, all of whom had lost a baby to the Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (Cot Death). They found they were not alone in their bewilderment, doubts and fears. By sharing their experiences they felt less isolated and received the comfort and understanding they all wished they had received at the time of their loss. They were then more able to cope with their loss. Experience since has shown that parents who have lost a baby to S.I.D.S. like this support and need information about S.I.D.S. early in their bereavement. A foundation was formed, with the foremost aim of assisting bereaved parents.These people are no strangers to the trauma you are feeling or have felt. They are willing to share your experiences with you and discuss any matter relating to S.I.D.S. you may wish to raise. Because they have lived through what you are experiencing now they understand what is happening to you and your family as you grieve. These parents are volunteers, ordinary men and women who have worked through their own grief and are now willing to assist you and your family through this difficult time.FACTS ABOUT SIDS.The Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (Cot Death) is a major cause of death in babies less than 12 months old. The babies who die seem perfectly healthy. They are usually well fed, well cared for and come from loving homes. They may be either breast or bottle fed.There is nothing new about SIDS but the name, although it has only been recognised by the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages as a definite cause of death, since 1973. Sudden deaths have been known to occur since biblical times. Until recently they were blamed on suffocation, choking, or the mother having rolled on to the child during sleep. Death due to these causes are extremely rare.About two Western Australian babies in every thousand die of S.I.D.S. On average there are about 43 deaths per year in Western Australia attributable to S.I.D.S The pro portion of deaths due to S.I.D.S. to live births remains fairly constant, but since other major causes of child death such as diphtheria, polio, whooping cough, have been brought under control, S.I.D.S. deaths have become more prominent.Because young babies spend most of their time in their cots, this is where most of the deaths occur. For this reason, it is often referred to as cot death but the association with cots is really incidental, Babies have been known to die of S.I.D.S in car seats, prams, shopping trolleys, even in their mothers arms.Cause Unknown.Nobody knows yet what causes S.l.D.S. It seems to be more frequent in autumn and winter than at other times of year, but it can strike any family, at any time. There are no visible warning signs exhibited by babies prior to the death, in fact reports from parents and doctors indicate that they are physically sound and growing normally. Over the years a number of theories about the causes of S.I.D.S. have been investigated and a certain amount of research carried out, To date however, no final conclusions have been reached, Some of the theories have caused unnecessary distress to parents. The house dust mite, sheep skin bedding, second hand mattresses, fly spray, severe infection, vitamin deficiency in the baby or the pregnant mother, all have been blamed at some time or other, No theory has yet been confirmed. The only certainty at the moment is that nobody can be blamed. Nothing could have been done to prevent the deaths, and nobody should feel in any way responsible.No Suffering.Death from SIDS is almost instantaneous. There is no sign that babies suffer any pain or distress. They usually do not cry or there is no unusual sound or sign of struggle. Often they show no trace of having been disturbed in their sleep.Sometimes, there is some movement during the last few moments of life. Blankets are displaced, or the baby found in an unusual position. Occasionally there are signs of vomiting, or some blood-stained fluid around the mouth. Sometimes, they simply go pale and die, usually while asleep. Whatever happens it seems they lose consciousness first.SIDS is most common between two and four months but it can happen in younger babies, or any time up to two years. The Coroners Investigation. It is a law of the State that any unexpected death must be reported to the coroner. This is really a safeguard for all concerned. Investigations establish that the death was due to natural causes and removes any possible suspicion of negligence.In one or two of every ten cases of unexpected deaths in babies the autopsy may show a previously unsuspected congenital malformation, or signs of a rapid infective process. In the remaining cases no reason for death can be found and the cause is attributed to the Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.Parents. When a baby dies suddenly it is an almost unbelievable shock, a nightmare from which parents may feel they must soon wake up. Feelings are likely to be numb fora few days. This is likely to be followed by anger andfrus tration - Why me? Why our baby? - and profound depression. You , as mother will feel you have lost part of yourself, especially if you were breast feeding. Because the baby seemed perfectly healthy and there was no obvious reason for what happened, you wiil feel bewildered and lost, searching for a reason why it happened. Later, despite expert advice you may feel some how guilty that something you did, or did not do may have been responsible. NO BODY COULD HAVE DONE ANY THING to predict or prevent the tragedy. It is especially unfair to blame anybody else, a grandparent or baby sitter who was minding the baby at the time. These same feelings are strong in you, the father, though this is seldom appreciated. Both of you need to be able to express your grief and work through it. It is importantthat you talk to each other about your lost child and about your feelings. Your greatest source of strength is each other. Grieving partners often develope strong sexual desires when comforting each other. This is very natural. Do not feel ashamed of them. Feel free to ex press your love to each other.In time the sharp pain you experienced at the death and funeral and the gnawing pain experienced soon after will gradually soften, It is however important to realize that as with any wound, healing does take time.People express their grief differently, and for some the wound heels sooner than others. But typically, the reaction to grief goes through these four stages - denial(its all a dream), anger (Why us?), depression accompanied by self blame, then eventual acceptance of the situation.Each person needs to work through these four stages in his or her own way and own time. One person cant hurry up another by telling them to snap out of it, or stop wallowing in grief. A great deal of marital discord can result when one partners reaction to grief conflicts with the other (for example one partner needing to talk it out and the other not wanting to) or when one partner comes to accept the situation then becomes impatient and sees the continuing grief of the other as a refusal to adjust, rather than as part of a natural process which time will heal.Later On. Following the initial shock of the death and funeral many parents either want to leave the scene of the death or (possibly on the advice of relatives) take a break and go on a holiday. Other parents of S.I.D.S. babies have done these things and you should be aware of their experiences before you decide on one of these courses of action. You have already gone through a traumatic experience. Moving house could well add to your prob lems, especially if done on the spur of the moment. It is also very costly. Your grief is part of you and so will be there with you in your new home. You can't leave it behind. In fact such a move could lengthen your period of bereavement. If you decide on a holiday the very factors that normally make it enjoyable may cause you distress. You will be looking for something solid and familiar to help you orient yourself and put your thoughts in order. The different situation and way of life that apply on vacation may hinder this process.Going to visit relatives can be benificial (if they can cope with your loss) especially if you have no close family near by. Death of the young from natural causes is not now so common so people generally don't have the experience to help or even know how to act in the presence of a grieving person. Because of this some relatives and close friends may be reluctant to visit. Others may deliberatly avoid you. They may feel inadequate, afraid that they may inadvertantly do or say the wrong thing and so upset you. They could well be trying to run away from the tragedy them selves. If you feel they can cope with your loss you may have to take the initiative by inviting them to visit or even visiting them your selves. They will need to be put at ease with you, so explain how you feel and how you feel they can help you. Ask them to share your loss as they cnce shared your joy when the baby was born. Other Children.Brothers and sisters may find it hard to understand that the baby has gone permanently. They need a clear explanation, and opportunity to air their own worries. They may feel the same thing could happen to them, or that they are in some way responsible for what happened. It is important to reassure them, and let them know they are loved, wanted and secure.Children are always affected by a death in the family, though they do not react in the same way as adults, they may seem unconcerned, or they may act out their grief by behaving badly, by reverting to childish behaviour or bedwetting, orby having nightmares.On the whole, children react best to straightforward ex planations. Sometimes, they seem able to accept reality better than adults. Evasions can create more difficulty than the truth. For instance, saying God came and took the baby may cause a tear and hatred of God.Another Baby?Deciding if or when to have another baby is a private matter between the parents concerned.Losing a baby in this way may shatter their confidence as parents. They may be afraid of losing another baby thesame way. These fears are natural but quite unjustified. SIDS does not run in families.Once they feel they want another child, there is no reason to delay. Most SIDS parents who have another baby say it helps them greatly in overcoming their grief - but the most important thing is to want the new baby for its own sake.ResearchResearch into SIDS is being carried out in Australia, Canada, the United States, the United Kingdom and Europe. It is being conducted at two levels: Looking for the cause, so that it may be prevented or avoided; Identifying babies who may be at risk, so that special preventive action can be taken.Some research is being carried out in Australia, including Western Australia. However, a great deal more could be done. An eventual aim of the SIDS Foundation in W.A. is to raise funds to promote co-ordinaled research programmes in Australia.Points To Remember The Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is a definite cause of death. Death is NOT due to suffocation, choking or neglect. SIDS cannot be foreseen or prevented. It can happen to both breast fed and bottle fed babies. Premature and low birth weight babies are not more susceptible. It does not run in families. It is the most common cause of infant death in WA. In WA. we average 43 deaths per year(approximately 500/year in Australia). It is not catching. The babies do not suffer. Most are completely healthy before they die. It can happen in any family and has nothing to do with the ability of the parents, doctors or clinical sister in caring for the baby. The people looking after the baby at the time are in no way to blame. This includes you

Why do autopsies Although the primary reason to perform an autopsy is to determine the cause of death. There are benefits to individual families, to the practice of medicine, and to the community at large. The benefits include: allaying a family's fears about what they could have done to prevent the death providing family members information about potential genetic diseases that may have implications for them medical education, training and research leading to improved health care providing information about preventable causes of disease and accident and other public health hazards. In addition, there are the forensic benefits of investigation of homicide, suspected homicide, other unexplained or suspicious deaths, and deaths apparently due to accident or injury. Studies have shown that in many cases even when the cause of death seemed clear, the person in fact had medical conditions that were not apparent during their life. Who does an autopsy? Forensic pathologists work in a mortuary and they are the ones who carry out detailed external and internal examinations of the body

Funeral Fee Structure It's distressing to see so many sites on the internet relating to funeral rip-offs. Maybe it's time to try and address the issue and explain some of the fee structure. We only speak for ourselves of course, and we are a member of the Australian Funeral Directors Association and abide by a strict code of ethics as I am sure the majority of Funeral Homes do. Please note links open new browser window.I'll start with the basic professional fee, the fee all professionals charge for their service, for example, an accountant, an architect, lawyer and so on. Funeral Directors are no different, they have overheads the same as any business and this is what part of this fee covers, staff wages, vehicle fleet maintenance, ( registrations, detailing, servicing, and any general maintenance) Office supplies such as stationary, brochures, after funeral booklets, etc. Office equipment, computers, printers, fax machines, copiers or scanners and software. Utilities such as water and electricity. Mortuary maintenance, equipment, cleaning supplies. Housing of the remains, Stock including coffins and caskets, handles, trimmings such as satin to go in the coffins. I could go on as there is much more expense to running a funeral home. Equipment like church trolleys and stretchers, fridges and PA systems are not cheap items and also need to be maintained. Bad debts and very late payments are also a big problem as in all businesses.The Funeral Director is on call 24/7 365 days a year. To sum up, our professional fee includes: services of the funeral director and staff; planning the funeral; consulting with family and clergy; shelter of remains; preparing and filing of necessary notices and paperwork; obtaining necessary authorisations and permits; registration; coordinating with the cemetery, crematory or other third parties ; removal of deceased. In addition this fee includes a proportionate share of our basic overhead costs. In our case there is also a mileage fee, simply for the fact we do hundreds of kilometers in our area. 20 years ago school buses charged a dollar a kilometre to hire the bus for an outing. We charge per kilometre to cover the cost of fuel (if you want to talk exorbitant) and general running cost of the vehicle for transfer ambulance and hearse, such as tyres.The casket you choose will depend on what you personally think is suitable and what you feel you can afford. A solid wood casket or coffin for instance is going to cost much more than a veneered one but all are good quality and nobody should be pressured into choosing something they don't want, but a so called pine box as so many people seem to think is the least expensive, can be far more expensive than a veneered one. The crematoriums set a standard, a coffin must be of good quality, whether it is an attended cremation or an unattended one. This does not mean it has to be an expensive casket. The difference between a coffin and casket is the shape and cost. A casket is rectangle and the lid opens on a hinge and is usually trimmed in satin and very solid. A coffin is sort of diamond shaped where it is wider at the top than the bottom. It has a screwed down lid and is trimmed also. Coffins can be solid wood or veneered.It's interesting to see that nobody minds paying hundreds to thousands of dollars for a wedding but to say goodbye to a family member for the last time is sometimes begrudged or classed as a rip off, which is upsetting as a funeral is just as important if not more so for the family concerned. The word Undertaker derives from "to undertake the instructions of the client" You are in charge, you choose what you want and how and when it takes place. You also have the free choice of getting quotes for the best value for your dollar. A well planned service befitting the life of the deceased with family members or friends being involved is what makes it personal and meaningful.Embalming costs may apply but it is not required by law except in special circumstances like repatriation to another state or country or if the funeral is not held for a lengthy period after death. After hours removal fee's may apply also. Although the funeral director is on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year, if a transfer takes place in the middle of the night and staff are called out you may get this fee. Australia has GST added to their costs, this is by law and there is nothing we can do about it but it doesn't mean we agree with it.That concludes our own fee's but on top of that there are cash advance fees which are not part of our fee structure but are paid up front by us on your behalf so are added to the funeral expenses. These include cemetery or crematorium fees, these fees are set by the cemetery or crematorium of your choice. In our district one town may charge $110.00 another may charge $1485.00 so the choice and cost of cemetery is yours. In the case of a crematorium the fee's are slightly different for an attended and unattended cremation, the crematorium has a fee for posting or placing the ashes. This fee is paid for on your behalf.Floral is another personal choice of how much you want to spend, after your consideration and choice, we order and pay for the casket spray as part of the service.Paper notices, prices are structured by the individual newspapers. We ring and place these notices on your behalf and the job number and cost from the newspaper is included on our account.Certified death certificate, some people get confused about the Dr's medical certificate and the certified death certificate. When someone passes away and it isn't a coronial inquiry, the doctor attending the person will make out a medical death certificate. This certificate can only be used to register the death with the Registrar Generals office, the family do not recieve this certificate, then the Registrar General issues a certified death certificate and charges the applicable amount, in our case in Western Australia as of 2007 it is $42.00, this fee can change at any time of course.Celebrant fee's or Clergy gratuity. It is common for Clergy to accept a gratuity for officiating funerals, the same as you would offer to pay for them officiating a wedding. We give the clergy their gratuity on the day on your behalf. The same goes for a celebrant, they have a set fee and this is paid on the day also by the funeral director. If a religious service isn't required the funeral director will officiate at no extra cost.As far as the service itself goes, many people see the funeral director for an hour or less on the day and think that is the only part he plays, this couldn't be further from the truth. Many hours are spent in preparation of the funeral and the highest concern is that it is all well coordinated and is as least stressful for the family concerned as it possibly can be. As with most professional services this is why you decide to let us undertake your instructions, take care of the family and help make the celebration of the life that was, something to remember with fondness and love. I hope this has given some insight to the fee structure, as I mentioned before we cannot speak on behalf of anyone else, this is how we structure our fee's but I suspect there isn't much difference in general. About the Author : Jacqui Byrne is the administrator for Peter J Jackson, Funeral Service and has had experience in the Funeral Industry for 21 years.

Buy Funeral Flowers Online: Advice On Choosing Author: C. Porter - Choosing the right flowers can be difficult at the best of times but when selecting funeral flower arrangements it is made more difficult. Particularly if this is the first time you are buying funeral flowers or even if this is the first time you will order flowers online when you are still trying to come to terms with your loss. It can be both momentous and trivial at the same time when deciding how to best reflect your feelings towards your loved one. We hope this simple guide can help make choosing sympathy flowers an easier process. Consider the Sentiment: Sending the right message is perhaps the most important consideration when choosing a funeral arrangement. Funeral flowers honor the departed, comfort the bereaved, and express your personal feelings of loss. Think about the interests and hobbies of the person who has passed away and how you will always remember them. You can pay tribute to the patriotic with a strong display of red, white, and blue, or let the bereaved know that their loved one was a ray of sunshine in your life with an arrangement of yellow blooms. Religious sentiments can be expressed in a number of ways, from the form of the arrangement to the message on your card, but should only be sent if you have knowledge of the family's religious affiliation. Casket sprays are only appropriate when requested by the person responsible for the funeral arrangements. Be honest with your selection -- don't go overboard just because you can. Unless you are sending as a group, large arrangements should only be selected if you are a close friend or family member. If you are true to your feelings and consider the wishes of the departed and the bereaved, your arrangement will always express your sentiments appropriately.Consider the Setting: Wakes, visitations, and funerals happen in a number of different locations. If you intend to send flowers to a service, consider the size and style that would work best for the setting. Large, elaborate displays like funeral wreaths and funeral sprays are ideal for funeral homes, churches, and outside services, but might look out of place at the home of the bereaved. For arrangements delivered to a residence, flowers in a vase or basket are an excellent choice. Be aware that some vase arrangements might be quite large and therefore better suited for churches and funeral homes. Consider the Source:Generally, flowers delivered by a local florist are the best choice for funeral arrangements, because they can be delivered same day and arrive ready for immediate display. Local florists often work with funeral homes in the area to ensure arrangements arrive on time according to the location's specifications, and are usually on familiar terms with their policies. However, if you are sending your flowers to the home of the family, flowers delivered fresh from the grower are also a suitable choice, particularly because arranging these flowers can be a soothing activity. Grower fresh flowers are also generally lower in price and will tend to last longer than arrangements from a florist if given the proper care. About the author: Clinton Porter is a search engine optimisation consultant for Flowers4 Online flower shops and florists -- specialists in Wedding and bridal flowers, and Funeral and sympathy flowers.

Scattering, what you should know By: Jeff Staab - Is scattering a wave of the future? No! It’s already here. If you have been thinking about how you might better serve the growing number of families who choose to scatter, it’s not too late! Scattering is NOW the #1 disposition of cremated remains in the United States and Canada and continues to grow. As funeral professionals I think it’s time we rode that wave. To ignore this trend is to not only miss out on a growing niche market, but to ignore the desires of the families you serve. Like many of the new directions that the baby boomer generation dictates, it’s not essential that you necessarily agree with them, but it is important to accommodate their needs and fulfill their wishes. Those who choose to scatter do not consider scattering to be any less respectful or meaningful than any other disposition option. In fact, families that have scattered are experiencing a higher level of satisfaction. They consider scattering to be a more natural way to return to the earth. Scattering also allows families the flexibility of choosing a site that is personable and has special meaning to the deceased and the survivors. Sites with natural beauty are also often selected. For to long our profession has abandoned these "scattering" families. We hand them the ashes in a cardboard or nondescript plastic box and wish them well. Families have been left on their own to perform a task that they know almost nothing about. It is no wonder why so many cremains end up on the top shelf of the hallway closet. Who’s to blame? When faced with scattering, the family is no longer under the care of the funeral director or the clergy. Too often they only know where they would like to scatter and we, as funeral professionals, do not fully take advantage of the opportunity to get involved in the scattering ceremony. This is a lost opportunity. It is our obligation to educate the family and discuss the scattering options, this should be done during the arrangement conference when we discuss disposition. When families express their desire to scatter, we need to take it a step further and go into the details of the scattering. Scattering is often the final wish and last act we can do for our loved ones. Sometimes survivors assume the request to be scattered means they can not have traditional services and even after we educate survivors as to the benefits of a more traditional funeral service, they sometimes still feel compelled to follow the selfish request "just scatter me". If we explain the options the family has with the scattering ceremony, the families will be grateful to learn that they can create a meaningful event and still follow the persons request to "just scatter me". Scattering is nothing less then a committal service, it is an event that should contain ceremony and ritual. It is our obligation to help them created a meaningful and memorable final tribute. In some cases it is the only tribute, so lets do our best. What to do. Like any funeral-related event, we need to be the experts, so we can then educate the families to the benefits, and as an end result, open doors to profits from professional services and merchandise. Families are sometimes guarded and seem unwilling to go into the details. Remember this is usually because they do not know what questions to ask, and just don’t know what do. There is nothing wrong with asking a series of loaded questions that will draw them into a discussion. Will the family gather together at the time of the scattering? Will more than one person scatter the cremated body? Will the gathering be at the place of the scattering or somewhere else, either before or after? Will they do more than one scattering if there are relatives or friends in another part of the country? If people know the date and time the scattering will occur, they can then take that time to honor the memory of the deceased in their own way. If the family is adverse to the idea of any gathering or ceremony, perhaps suggest the importance of providing a way for other family members or friends to express their feelings. This can open the door for funeral directors to get involved. We can offer many options, such as: Placing announcements in the paper. Creating a printed program and making the needed contacts. Like any service we can use our experience, our connections and our know- how in creating a meaningful ceremony. This is our greatest asset and the families we serve are willing to pay for it. We can even get involved in the receptions that follow. We funeral directors are now event planners, go ahead and organize the caterer, tent and tables. Get the family involved and try to keep a theme with the deceased in mind. I have seen how entering into such discussions with families can result in their desire to have the funeral director more involved in the actual service. Often it results in increased sales of services and merchandise. But always, building a relationship of trust and concern will strengthen customer loyalty and creating exceptional events will lead to new customers. Suppliers to the funeral industry have been inventive and prolific in providing ways to remember. Three popular product types that relate specifically to families that desire to scatter are scattering urns, keepsakes, and keepsake jewelry. Scattering urns can be displayed at services, creating a focal point and sense of reality. They allow the cremated remains to be easily disbursed while adding dignity to the process. The location of the scattering sometimes determines the style of scattering urn to be used. The most popular location is over water and there are many water soluble urns that are specifically designed for this purpose. The second most popular location is on the family property. Birdhouse memorial urns are a great option for these families because they are scattering urns that will convert into a memorial birdhouse, providing comfort for the years to come. Some scattering urns can be kept as an art piece or provide a place to keep mementoes of the deceased or be used as a vase. Because scattering is irreversible, keeping portions of the ashes is even more important to the family that chooses to scatter. If families relocate, they can be left with feelings of abandonment. Keepsake urns and jewelry help provide the comforting knowledge that part of the earthly remains can always be kept close. They come in many sizes and styles and often match the style of the scattering urn. Keepsakes can be used to contain the ashes as well as jewelry, hair or other mementos of the deceased. One way to inform families about the different options regarding these products, is to display them in a way that communicates their multi-function. Birdhouse memorial urns should be displayed as both a scattering urn and as a "Memorial Birdhouse" to show its final and ultimate function. Display a scattering urn as a vase, with a flower arrangement in it. Perhaps place it next to it a picture of a scattering ceremony using that urn. Display a keepsake urn with a wedding ring. Display keepsakes and urns of the same design together. Keepsake jewelry can be displayed in display cases or using mannequins busts or with photographs showing someone wearing the pendant. As with all funeral related services, the more ritual and ceremony we create, the more likely we will be involved in services and increase the sales of merchandise.If we are the experts in our field we cannot allow ourselves to get stuck in tradition. The boomers are now making a lot of the decisions in funeral arrangements. We need to listen to them and feel them out and most important we need to respond. Scattering is nothing new, it has been happening for over a thousand years, but it has lost much of its ritual, most of which never made its way into modern times. Research tells us that today’s families still want meaningful celebrations of life with ceremony and personal memorable tributes, many just wont settle for the cookie cutter service anymore. Its time to take the service back that we gave to the Clergy, lets not make the same mistake and give the scattering ceremony to the family. As a funeral director for the past twenty years I have had the experience of working with many families who had selected to scatter. In southern Vermont I have worked in a climate where a large percentage of our families are selecting to scatter. Faced with the challenge of helping these families without much information available, I began to do research into scattering. What I learned was, that there was not much information out there about the act of scattering. This led me to begin a new company called Cremation Solutions. Cremation Solutions has become a resource for both families and professionals to learn about creating meaningful scattering ceremonies. The website www.cremationsolutions.com is set up so funeral directors may learn how to market to the scattering family by giving them access to a password- protected section. Funeral directors may also refer families to the site to learn about scattering methods and the many options they have in creating an event that will honor their loved one and give survivors the opportunity to support each other, heal and remember. Also on the site, is the largest and most innovative selection of scattering related merchandise. Only funeral professionals can access prices and make purchases from Cremation Solutions.One thing I learned is that there is more than one way to ride the wave when it comes to the actual scattering. Below are some methods that may be incorporated into the scattering ceremony.Casting: is the act of simply tossing the ashes to the wind. It can be performed by several people but it is usually done by one individual while others look on. Care and consideration of others should be used when casting. Check the direction of the wind and cast down wind. The ashes are mostly made up of a dense sand like matter and will quickly fall to the ground but some of it will be a fine powder and this will become airborne forming a whitish grey cloud or plume. Casting can also be done as a group. People can take turns doing a partial scattering one at a time. I have also seen group scattering where multiple people scattered simultaneously in a toast-like gesture using paper cups.Trenching: This is done on land when a shallow trench or groove is dug in the soil. A hoe works well. Then the trench is filled from the scattering urn and usually raked over at the conclusion of the ceremony. You can get creative and dig the persons name in the soil, maybe inside a heart, then fill the void with the ashes. If its not too windy, candles can go in the ground alongside the trench for a more spiritual feel. Imagine filling a trenched name in beach sand and having the group form a ring around it. You can place and time it right so the tide will come up and wash the remains back to the sea while you all wade in the surf and share memories.Ringing: This is when we form a ring on the ground with the ashes around an object or even a group of objects, it can be with or without a trench. The scattering urn will need to be held close to the ground when pouring the ring. Some ideas include a ring around a favorite tree or shrub. Consider a ring around a group of candles or a memory table. The survivors can be the outer ring and take turns entering the ring to share words of remembrance.Raking: The ashes are poured from the scattering urn evenly on loose soil and raked into the ground, at the conclusion of the scattering ceremony. This is often how it is done in the scattering gardens that are now located in many cemeteries. Your funeral director can help you find a scattering garden in your area.Green Burial: A hole is made in the soil and the ashes can either be poured in or a biodegradable scattering urn can be placed in and covered. Many cemeteries will let you scatter on the grave site as long as the remains are buried. If the cemetery requires an urn, the biodegradable style is often permitted. Multiple scatterings or green burial can be done on one grave even if a casket has been buried the ashes can go on top. As with any scattering it is important to establish a permanent memorial so survivors have a place to continue remember and heal in the years to come.Water scattering: When scattering over a body of water a water-soluble urn can enhance the experience. These urns are specifically designed to gradually disperse the ashes back to the sea. Ashes can be cast directly into the water, but will often blow back at the boat and cling to the sides of the boat. This can be both frustrating and unsightly. A water-soluble urn will usually float for several minutes then slowly sink where it will degrade or melt back to the sea. The survivors will often toss flowers or petals as a final tribute as the urn slowly drifts away. There are professionals with boats available that will do either private water scatterings or create an event were the survivors may voyage and participate. Your funeral director will usually have the contacts to set this up in your area.Aerial scattering: Usually done by professionals, this is done when the ashes are cast from a private plane. Some of them will coordinate with your ceremony to fly over and cast the ashes at a specified place and time. On clear days a cloud of ash can be seen from the ground. Most professionals will provide a certificate of the place and time and even photos. Some will allow passengers to attend the scattering for an extra fee.Funeral homes with a website can benefit by having a direct link to www.cremationsolutions.com so that the families they serve can easily access information on scattering. I hope the information I have made available to my fellow funeral directors will benefit our industry as a whole and give us one more tool in an ever changing market.Jeff Staab is the president of Cremation Solutions. He can be contacted at #1 877 FNL-WISH or jeff@cremationsolutions.com