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Saturday, March 8, 2014

How To Be A Good Husband

Living alone, however successful, would not have the necessary ingredients for a fruitful and fulfilled life. You would feel a void in your life, continuously trying to fill it in vain. Only a woman can fill that void, a woman who shares your interests and dreams for the future. A woman who brings stability in your life, and focus your mind on improving your lives together. Having found the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, you should now do everything to keep her in your life.

You should love your wife as you love yourself, meaning to treat her as you want to be treated. You won't want to be lied to, so don't lie to her. You won't want to be cheated on, so don't cheat on her. You won't want to be beaten, so don't beat her. You won't want to be detained, or forced to do something against your will, so don't do the same to her. You won't want to be disrespected and belittled, so don't disrespect and belittle her. You should see her as one with you, feel her pain and sorrow, as if they were yours, and take prompt action to lessen or end them.

You should protect your wife as you would protect yourself, meaning to exert all your strength, and spend every resource you own to protect her from harm, from being badgered, from disgrace, from detention, and from molestation. In fulfilling this obligation though, your wife should conduct herself in a manner that gives you every opportunity to carry out your duties as a good husband.

You should consummate the marriage to enable your wife fulfill her obligation to bear children. While the birth of a child may not occur in every marriage, you are still obligated to consummate the marriage. However, if having a child becomes the overriding issue in the marriage, it may undermine your affection for your wife. If you stayed in the marriage, it would be increasingly difficult to fulfill your obligation as a good husband, particularly if you were involved in extra-marital affairs in order to have a child that your wife is unable to give you. On the other hand, if you and your wife decided on adopting a child, you could rise above your problem, hold your marriage together, and remain a good husband.

You should nurture and protect your children with all your strength and resources by showing genuine interest and involvement in their growth and education. You should be willing to help with the children when your wife needs you. This would go a long way to make you the husband she can depend on, and be willing to do everything to keep you in her life. She would be affectionate to you, more responsive to your needs, and provide the comfort you can look forward to everyday.

You should provide for your wife and children; notwithstanding the fact that in today's world, spousal roles may change making the wife the one who brings home the beacon, while the husband stays home and takes care of the kids. Regardless of the change in spousal roles, a good husband would always see himself as the provider for his family. To fulfill this obligation, you should keep yourself in good physical health to go to work, or if you are a stay-at-home dad, get the kids ready for school and do the daily household chores.

You should help with cooking and cleaning the house even if you are the breadwinner. A good husband takes an active part in maintaining the home. He takes part in cooking, cleaning and other chores, and if the kids are old enough, encourage them to help mom and dad clean the house and do the laundry. While doing these chores is a laudable role for a good husband, some men see this as a slippery slope where the husband would be made into an errand boy at the beck and call of his wife. And whenever he refuses to do what she wants, she would punish him by denying him sex.

A good husband would not subjugate his wife. She is not a subordinate to you, but an equal partner in the marriage relationship. A good husband would have learned how to control his primitive inclination to subjugate his wife. This is a lesson young men learn only with time and experience. Usually, when a boy meets a girl, her natural inclination is to be submissive to him. This is an innate characteristic of the female, necessary for the propagation of the human species.

The female signals her innate desire to have children to the young man by submitting to him. He usually takes this as her willingness to subordinate herself and bend to his whims. As the children grow up, she gradually begins to assert her independence as a full partner in the marriage. A good husband would recognize the change in his wife's attitude and make room for her to express her independence. When problems arise it may be because she exerts her independence to the point where he begins to feel subordinated.

To maintain peace in the home, a husband may accept the spousal role reversal and subordinate himself to his wife, or on the other hand, may bristle at her attempt to subordinate him, and as a result precipitate a divorce. How the issue of spousal role reversal may be handled depends on how long the couple have been married, the condition in the home, and whether there are children.

A good husband would regularly buy small gifts for his wife. They need not be expensive gifts. The point here is not the price of the gifts, but the thought behind them. They tell her when you are at work, you think about her. These gifts may not have an immediate impact on the marriage relationship, but overtime they do round off the sharp edges of issues that would otherwise spiral into marital conflicts.

A good husband would create the conditions where his wife is able to communicate with him about all issues affecting the marriage. He would listen to what she has to say, not diminish the importance of her concerns, or viciously shoot each down. He would control his impatience and anger, make helpful suggestions to address her concerns, and when they disagree, avoid cutting off communication, or denying each other the pleasure of sex.

Having read this far, you may be tempted to think fulfilling these marital obligations would turn you into a domesticated husband. If you do, you are missing the point. If you love your wife, if you think she is adding value to your life, if you believe she's the one you've been looking for all your life, then you've found what it takes to keep her for the rest of your life. Just be a good husband.