For the first time since Kim Kardashian dumped him, throwaway husband Kris Humphries showed his face in public. (Not counting however he spent his time at home in Minnesota, which doesn't count because Minnesota has no paparazzi. Kris actually ceases to exist when cameras aren't around. Evaporates into thin air.) Here he is stealing Kim's signature facial expression (blowjob fish) at La Guardia airport, while a horrified crowd looks on. Apparently Kris is meeting with a jewelry company to "discuss a business partnership they'll announce this week." Creative uses for discarding wedding bands, maybe? Anyway, looks like Kris is still in the "using my name to sell shit" business. One hit of fameball, and already he's an addict. [P6, images via Splash and Bauer-Griffin]

Shortly before filing for divorce, Kim Kardashian posed for the cover of Marie Claire and left them stranded with an interview that has since been rendered irrelevant. "I'm not worried about him at all," she said of Kris Humphries. "We have a lot of trust, and I don't think either of us would do anything to break that." [Marie Claire, Us]

Leonardo DiCaprio threw himself a 37th birthday, and spent it hanging out with Bradley Cooper and "a bevy of Victoria's Secret models." This is a blind item waiting to happen. About hetero model orgies or closet cases, though? [People]

Brad Pitt said he'd retire from acting in three years, but now he says "I wasn't actually putting an exact deadline on my expiration date," so chill out. [Telegraph, Celebitchy]

Last night was the world premiere of the most vagina-centric Twilight yet, the one where Kristen Stewart finally gets an ice cold vampire penis up her chuff, and the result is a saber-toothed infant that bites its way out of her. Because she wanted to cause thousands of teenage girls to drop dead from violent swooning, Kristen informed the masses that marrying her real boyfriend onscreen was "a genuine experience. I literally took that walk. I remember it… like it was almost a ceremony in my own life." She wore an $18,000 amethyst and diamond ring and a J. Mendel gown, which she described thusly: "Well, it's purple and it's a gown." At least fame hasn't changed her? [Hollywood Life, Hollywood Life, Us, Us, image via Getty]

Adriana Lima said she went on a nine-day liquid diet to prepare for the Victoria's Secret runway show, then consumed absolutely nothing for the 12 hours leading up to the show. Now she says it's all a "misunderstanding," she actually eats quite a bit. Is it wrong that I liked it better when she basically admitted that looking that good can be life-endangering? Seems more honest. [HuffPost]

Just in case all those Brett RatnerquotesaboutOlivia Munn were distracting you from your daily ration of publicist-planted pablum about how "real" and "accessible" Olivia is, here's an item about her new hockey star boyfriend and how "easygoing" and sports-loving Olivia is. [JJ]

Kris Jenner admits she had an affair 26 years ago, but did she fudge the timeline and actually have the affair 27 years ago, and that is how Khloe Kardashian was conceived? Because that would explain a lot, like why Khloe isn't a horrible monster like everyone else in her family (she is merely a moderate monster) and also why she's so tall. [Celebitchy]