Aaron Berry Begins The Player War On Bloggers

Lions corner Aaron Berry was arrested for the second time in the span of a month. His first recent arrest was a fairly routine off-season DUI, the kind of low-level athlete misbehavior that frequently escapes notice unless it’s done by a notable player or there’s an extraordinary circumstance of entertaining black-out drunkenness.

This time, something far more insidious was at play. On Saturday, Berry was arrested in Harrisburg, Pa. for pointing a firearm at three people. Sure, this sounds comparable to recent police blotter headlines, such as the one involving Elvis Dumervil. That is, until it was discovered that one of the three people he trained a gun on is A DOLPHINS BLOGGER. Yes, I’m afraid there’s no going back now – the players have declared war on bloggers.

For too long, the uneasy relationship – part-antagonistic, part-adulatory – between NFL players and the blogosphere was a tinderbox just waiting to explode. And explode it has. With this incident, it is clear now that the players will stop at nothing to eliminate the intrepid online writers who tease them on Twitter and Photoshop them in embarrassing poses. Threats of gun violence was just the first step. Here follows the malevolence yet to come in the athlete campaign of blogger cleansing.

— No longer endorse Totino’s pizza rolls so they go out of business

— Impregnate Kate Upton

— Make friends with one blogger so all the other bloggers get really petty and turn against him, thus revealing their childish nature

— Start their own blogs, but this time make them better than when they did that with Yardbarker

— Make a cliche “parents’ basement” joke, forcing bloggers to alienate their readers by spending a month pointlessly and shrilly justifying their existence

— No longer say stupid things on Twitter, so there’s nothing to write about

— Pump money into the moribund world of print media. Regret it immediately

— Pool their money together and purchase the Internet. Don’t worry, Mark Brunell ran the numbers and they’re solid.

— Shout “YEAH!” in unison every time Aaron Sorkin blames all the nation’s problems on the Internet

— Beat up all the bloggers since they’re physically superior and stuff

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All of these players are gun totin’ drunk drivin’ sunsabitches. I miss the innocence of Ricky Williams’ and Sam Hurd’s criminal exploits. Those were the good ol’ days. Although perhaps Joe Kapp is the most innocent of all…

The first arrest was routine? “Berry was charged with DUI, two counts of accidents involving unattended vehicles and two counts of failure to stop and give information after a witness reported seeing his BMW hit two parked cars June 23 in his native Harrisburg.”

Exceprt of Chapter 9 of The Revelation of St Timothy of New York (formerly Denver)

13 The sixth angel sounded his trumpet, and I heard a voice coming from the horns of the golden altar that is before Goodell.
14 It said to the sixth angel who had the trumpet, “Release the four angels who are bound at the great river Mississippi.”
15 And the four angels who had been kept ready for this very hour and day and month and year were released to kill a third of the blogosphere.
16 The number of the mounted troops was two hundred million. I heard their number.
17 The horses and riders I saw in my vision looked like this: Their breastplates were fiery red, dark blue, and yellow as sulphur. The heads of the horses resembled the heads of lions, and out of their mouths came fire, smoke and sulphur.
18 A third of the blogopshere was killed by the three plagues of fire, smoke and sulphur that came out of their mouths.
19 The power of the horses was in their mouths and in their tails; for their tails were like snakes, having heads with which they inflict injury.
20 The rest of the blogosphere that were not killed by these plagues still did not repent of the work of their hands; they did not stop worshipping demons, and idols of gold, silver, bronze, stone and wood–idols that cannot see or hear or walk.
21 Nor did they repent of their murders, their magic arts, their sexual immorality or their thefts.

I started watching Mad Men on Netflix so I can catch up on all the episodes because people have been telling me it’s a good show. So anyhow in the last episode I watched, Don Draper crashes his car on the way to the Stonybrook summer home of this married dame he was in the habit of banging. The suffolk cops tested his BAC and he ( blew?) a 1.5. The fine?
$150 bucks… period. No jail, no nuttin. Can you image the hijinx Mantle and the players in all the pro sports leagues were getting away with back then?
Just an observation.