I've visited the majority of hotels and apartments in Puerto del la Cruz, and literally dozens of hotels and apartments elsewhere on the island. They're not all the same. I feel that if they treat me as a local businessman with at least some respect, they'll treat their clients even better. So I decided to start a brief review section of their most noteworthy features with my very own personal star recommendation scale from one to 5, as follows:

***** = I'd love to stay there**** = I'd pay to stay there*** = I might stay there for free** = You'd have to pay me to stay there* = I wouldn't stay there even if you payed me

Just to clarify... I don't give or take commissions from anyone. I never have & we never will. I'm of the opinion that if a place provides excellent service, then I'll recommend them, NOT because they pay me money to tell people to go there. That kind of mentality lowers the quality of tourism in general. I've also noticed that people who deal in commissions are often grumpy...

PUERTO DE LA CRUZTURQUESA PLAYA:****When I walked into this hotel for the first time this year, it instantly reminded me of an airport. No where else have I seen shops around the circumference of the foyeur, not even in the Sheraton. They even have their very own ATM. It has a good gymnasium and is close enough to Playa Jardin (the biggest black beach in Puerto de la Cruz), but everything else is in Puerto de la Cruz is quite a hike away. The reception looks like a check-in desk. Staff are a little bit 'distant', but it comes with the territory.

FLORASOL: ****Florasol is a great little set of apartments located in El Puerto de la Cruz. The common zone surrounding the pool has by far the must lucious plant growth of any accommodation option in Puerto de la Cruz, if not the whole of Tenerife. It's a veritable jungle and also has a nice cafe area (which unfortunately isn't open all the time). If small & green is your thing, then this is the place for you.

DANIA PARK:***It actually has an alright foyeur & it's probably the closest you'll get to the main square in Puerto de la Cruz. On the other hand, this is the place where I discovered that my pamphlets has conveniently disappeared from the info stand over night...

SOL PARQUE SAN ANTONIO:****Nice relaxing area surrounding their pool, friendly staff. There are no shops or restaurants in the immediate vicinity, but it is still within walking distance of them. I wouldn't want to stay further outside of town than this. The one thing that sets this place apart it that you should be able to ride your bike directly to your front door because they don't have a traditional foyeur at the entrance.Not much more to add other than that it's right alongside the Las Arenas entrance to Puerto de la Cruz, which tends to have a regular stream of traffic, so it might be noiser than elsewhere.

PARQUE TAJINASTE:**While the staff are nice enough, and it's in a tranquil zone next to the Botannical gardens, this place mainly caters for German pensioners, so unless you find the thought of that consoling in some strange way, it's not for younger cyclists!

RIU GAROE:****A very classy hotel in a very quiet zone (La Paz) of Puerto de la Cruz. Staff have always been helpful with me. They are located in a zone of El Puerto called "La Paz". That translates directly as "The Peace". Peaceful yes, convenient no.

MOLINO BLANCO:*On the whole, most of the dealing's I've had with hotels in Tenerife have been very positive. But as soon as I walked in here I felt uneasy. For starters, the reception is underground. Staff wanted commissions for my guided rides, which I don't accept. Apart from that, they were unhelpful. While it has a nice enough web page, that's about all it's got. It is in a good location but I think there are plenty of better options.

GIRASOL:*Of course some hotels have better quality facilites than others, although it is never apparant from the website. Girasol is a case in point. Great website, downright seedy, grotty & depressing hotel in reality. Cheap with a central location, but you get what you pay for.

PARK PLAZA:*The name is deceptive. This is a fairly crummy apartment/hotel located opposite Girasol. While it's in a convenient location, that's about all it's got going for it. Stay away.

MELIA LA PAZ:Closed.

PUERTO DE LA CRUZ - SURROUNDING REGIONS:

VILLA PRECIOSA*****This is a private luxury holiday villa located in El Rincón. If you're rich and/or famous, this is the ONE place that rivals (or even exceeds) Hotel Botannico. Complete with its own pool, gazebo, bar, sat TV, luxury bathrooms, etc.

LA QUINTA PARK***This is the place I come to relax, as do a lot of locals who opt for their spa/jacuzzi. The hot showers alone are worth the price of admission! They are the best showers I have ever encountered (at least in the spa pool - I'm not sure about the actual hotel rooms). It's very far from El Puerto although the hotel does have its own bus service which leaves the hotel every hour.

BAHIA PARK**Another hotel complex too far from El Puerto & another seedy place. The last time I visited, the toilets stank. Not recommended.

PANORAMICA GARDEN*At least one person I have dealt with there was very rude and unreasonable. We strongly recommend you not to stay at this hotel. They have an outmoded concept of "commissions" that we don't agree with. To cut a long story short, they wanted a commission from us; I initally agreed on 5% over the phone, but it turns out the client found our pamphlet around the corner at the local bike shop. They did nothing to deserve this commission (a bit of help with German wouldn't have gone astray). The worst part came when we went to pick up our rental bike, they said "come back later when the other staff member is here". They refused to return my own bicycle!!! That was until I got angry. Consequently, we no longer serve this hotel...

LA OROTAVAHOTEL ALHAMBRA:*****"Built in the 18th century as a gentleman's residence and a 100 years ago was transformed into an oasis of Arabic flavour." Hotel Alhambra is a beautiful hotel located in La Orotava. It boasts an exhibition room with paintings and frescos by the Master Antonio Otazzo, an Arabian-style terrace with a covered roof, a gymnasium, a swimming-pool with solarium and a small garden. There's nothing else quite like it in Tenerife.

HOTEL RURAL VICTORIA:****A small hotel in the old town of La Orotava, not far from the town hall. It's quite nice, but people say that the rooms are not as special as the foyeur.

GARACHICOLA QUINTA ROJA*****This is a very cosy hotel located in the main square of Garachico.

"The El Patio Traditional Hotel is located in the lower part of a large house belonging to the Ponte family, built in 1565, on a sixty-hectare banana plantation bathed by the sea and by lava, which borders on the boroughs of Icod de los Vinos and Garachico, in the northwest of Tenerife. There is also a second unit only five hundred metres from the Hotel reception, known as El Patio II, an old house where the plantation workers used to live. The two buildings are connected by a number of roads running between the bananas, where everything is redolent of pure air and of relaxation. Both properties have their own parking area.

The central courtyard, with scattered palm trees and ancient dragon trees, together with the extensive gardens and orchards make the setting a unique and special place. The guest can stroll along the numerous footpaths on the property and find special areas to rest and to absorb the beauty and lushness of nature."

PLAYA DE LA ARENA:****The standout feature of this hotel is when you walk into the reception. You're greeted by super long green plants that cascade over the upper balcony like a waterfall, hanging down at least 10 metres, if not 15.

GUÍA DE ISORAHOTEL ABAMA:****Be aware that this place is in the middle of nowhere! It's far from Los Gigantes, and far from Las Americas too. It looks like a strange place with morrocan influences and surrounding banana plantations. It's completely on the other side of the island, so coming here is not easy for us. The place is immaculate & the staff are extremely friendly... I think they must have some pretty good working conditions because they all seem to be happy... it tends to be set up for golfers, but I would certainly consider staying there myself.

GRAN MELIA PALACIO DE ISORA: ****Whereas the owner of Abama probably said "let's create a nice 5 star hotel", the owner of this place probably said "let's see what we can do with all my money". Simply put, it has too much cement for my liking. It's not in the best location of Tenerife, it's in one of the worst. I give it four stars for that reason alone.

LAS AMERICASMost people who hire bikes from me tend to stay in the upmarket San Eugenio / Costa Adeje / Torviscas zone of Las Americas...

SUNWING RESORT:***This hotel caters for Scandinavian clients, and hence prides itself on being eco friendly. I was impressed by their 100 point environmental policy plan.

COSTA ADEJE GRAN HOTEL: ****Another huge entrance. It's a good hotel in an okay spot. Close to the San Miguel shops.

BAHIA DEL DUQUE GRAN HOTEL: *****This is a strange, unique 5-star place. It's located at the end of Las Americas within a truly superb setting... the staff wear interesting outfits & look a little too much like pirates. Don't confuse this spot with El Duque Apartments.

SHERATON:***This is about the furthest place from the centre of Las Americas, even further than Bahia del Duque (nearer to Las Caletas). Obviously, it's fantastic. Still, I can think of better places to stay...All the bars & clubs opposite the hotel are pricey.

CONQUISTADOR:This place is located closer to the main action (bars & nightclubs & the main beach) in Las Americas than many other places... Note that I haven't been inside.

GOLF DE SUR

AGUAMARINA:*On the whole I have a positive experience when dealing with most hotels in regard to rental bike deliveries & pickups. As always, there is one ugly exception. And this is it. Straight to the point, the two staff members I dealt with were terribly rude and snobby. This only happened last Saturday by the way...

The abridged conversation that follows was spoken entirely in Spanish (not that that has to do with anything). The first hurdle was that they didn't want to disturb the guest to inform them that I was picking up their bike. OK. Then they informed me that bikes weren't permitted in the foyeur. Again, it's fair enough for a classy hotel, so I immediately wheeled the bike I was carrying outside.

As I was walking out, I casually asked this one guy if I could somehow pickup the bike from the storage room or if he could fetch it for me. "No" was the curt reply. It's one thing to try and be courteous in another language, and I do my best wherever possible, but this staff member was already getting on my nerve...

At this point, I was pretty blasé but still somewhat miffed about the unfair treatment. But after literally being told off for arriving at 7:30am and insulting my work position, I asked this man if he liked bikes; he responded by saying: "they're all the same to me, why?". And so I took that as an ideal opportunity to point out how he seemed to be making my life difficult. Here it was, the clash of two personalities. And just when I seemed to be getting somewhere. He instantly, and I mean -instantly- hung up the phone and then completely ignored me by pretending I wasn't even stanging there. I guess his behaviour only served to prove my point further.

So when I immediately approached another staff member, hoping to get a better *ahem* 'reception', and politely asking for her help [in Spanish], she retorted: "all this for a f**cking bike; go ahead and make the call already because I have work to do too you know!"

Yes I'd say that's a 100% accurate translation of what she said directly to me. It's a shame there weren't any Spanish-speaking guests standing around to be able to hear it. Honestly, I have received far more respect at both the Sheraton and the Gran Hotel Roque Nivaria (and by the way these are the only two hotels in Tenerife with a 5-star rating and the "gran luxury" achievement) not to mention all the 5 star hotels in Bora Bora. So there you have it, the agua marina turns out not to be very bicycle friendly hotel at all. STAY AWAY!

Does anyone have any recommendations for a nice rural pension serving great traditional food anywhere on La Gomera?

I'm planning a couple of days riding there soon, so need some chilled out over night accommodation. I don't want to be in one of the "big" tourist hotels, just a nice friendly, comfortable, relaxed place.