Arsenal fans have made it clear that Unai Emery must turn things around quickly if he is to retain their loyal support.

Emery’s men opened the season with a 2-0 loss to Manchester City on Sunday, and supporters at the Emirates Stadium were disappointed by the lack of progress that the Spanish tactician has made in his time at the helm.

Boos were heard after the second goal, eventually directed towards Emery once fans could work out who he was, and the first ‘Wenger Out’ signs were repurposed as ‘Emery Out’ with only a small amount of in-stand editing needed.

“I’m all for giving the new guy a chance to impose his system, but it’s been days now and he doesn’t seem to have created a side that can beat the best team in the world,” Arsenal fan Mike Wood told FourFourTwo.

“Us Arsenal fans are renowned for our patience and for taking setbacks in a measured fashion, but I can’t help but wonder whether Emery is the right man for the job.

“In fact, I think I hate him. Yes, I hate him more than anything.

“Personally I think we could do with an affable, avuncular French coach who looks quite a lot like a bird, but there’s no chance of the board finding someone like that.”

Impractical ire

Some Arsenal fans even tried to rip up their season tickets in rage after new signing Lucas Torreira skied a shot, but were scuppered by the practicalities of such a measure.

“I was so angry at the way this club is being run that I just lost it and tried to rip up my season ticket,” supporter Alan Wright admitted to FFT.

“But of course, the ticket is in fact a plastic card and is impossible to rip, so I searched for some scissors to cut it and didn’t have those.

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“Even if I had, though, that wouldn’t technically void my season ticket. I’d still have been able to order a replacement card, so I phoned up the number to cancel it outright, but that went to hold because there’s nobody in the office when Arsenal are playing.

“After all that I’d calmed down a bit and thought I may as well at least go to the West Ham game. But I am angry. Unless we beat Chelsea, then I’ll lose Emery like a brother. Unless we lose to West Ham. Basically it’ll continue like that until he leaves, or one of us dies.”

Please note: It should go without saying that this news story is satirical. It really should, shouldn’t it?