The most unusual gift given Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter on his retirement tour has been a:

a) No. 2 Wrigley Field scoreboard placard, at a Cubs game

b) Lego portrait, at an Indians game

c) “Mission Accomplished” banner from George W. Bush, at a Rangers game

Quoth the mavens

• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, after the Phillies’ Ryan Howard, Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins tied an MLB “record” by starting their 886th regular-season game as a 1B-2B-SS tandem: “Mark that down as number 5,027,268 in the file ‘Facts Not Worth Remembering.’ ”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on why some SRO tickets at the 49ers’ new Levi’s Stadium cost $75 while others cost only $50: “For $75 you get to stand on both feet.”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the first injury scare at the Ravens’ camp: “Ray Rice suffered a slap on the wrist.”

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, with the latest from Browns training camp: “Yesterday afternoon, Johnny Manziel got blitzed, but then he got up, left the strip club and came straight to practice.”

Bus stops here

The NFL exhibition season began Sunday when the Bills played the Giants in the Hall of Fame Game, 23½ years after they met in the Super Bowl.

Just for old times’ sake, the Bills’ driver missed wide right parking the team bus.