Lindsay Lohan really sucks at everything

As I said in my last post, Lindsay Lohan can’t even f-ck up right (click here for a refresher). Getting banned from the legendary Chateau Marmont over a bill? Lame. (And as reader Astrid pointed out, included on the bill were two lost iPhone chargers in a span of 15 days… in a hotel room.) This loser can’t even afford iPhone chargers and cigarettes, yet she’s tweeting: Birkin. Mac Computer. Chanel and a jet. Never quit fighting to live your dreams. God Bless.

So Lindsay’s next movie is The Canyons (Sarah’s take on the first trailer is here) and yes, Bret Easton Ellis is a professional blowhard. He’s a headcase, she’s a well-documented liar and entitled twat who fights with her mom after a night of clubbing, then calls into TMZ to say she’s disowning her dad. It couldn’t be long before this relationship started to sour.

Patrick Bateman has just headed over to Lindsay Lohan's hotel to confront her as to why she missed her f-cking ADR on "The Canyons" today...

She and Ellis are cut from the same self-indulgent, overrated cloth, so OF COURSE he would take to Twitter to call her out, just like she takes to Twitter to constantly defend herself against the “rumours” and “haters”. How professional of both of them – I’m sure their Kickstarter funders are thrilled. (But if you invested in a Lindsay Lohan/Bret Easton Ellis collaboration, you deserve to have your money blown.) I’m just surprised he removed the tweet, but I’m guessing this is just the first inkling in what will inevitably turn into a feud between two irrelevant and delusional “artists” who think they are Scorsese/DeNiro but are really meant for a VH1 bargain basement reality show.

So yes, she’s even f-cking up an independent B-movie. She can’t even be bothered to work show up and do voice work. Many think Lindsay’s career is heading towards porn (she thinks she’s heading for an Oscar) but would even she be able to handle working on skin flicks? Being in a porno requires some professionalism: showing up on time, learning your lines, hitting your, um, marks. I would argue porno actors work harder (no pun intended) than Lindsay has in years. There is a lot of money in porn – hundreds of millions a year – and no shortage of people who want to partake. Sure she’d be a Big Name at first, but how long until the industry tires of her antics and she stops being interesting, even as a novelty? Also, they take STDs seriously (a positive test shut down the industry this summer, it was big news. Source).

Call me crazy, but I think she will end up at TMZ. It seems like Harvey’s practically her dad these days.