01 June 2008

Can't resist your charms

It isn't every day that you witness the police laying the smack down on a perp. It's even less often that the perp weighs about 90 pounds and the cops weigh an estimated 1000 pounds combined. Rarer still are the times when the person being beaten by the police is female. I'm just guessing the rarity of these instances. I am by no means a statistician.

I also have no idea what the woman did. It must have been terrible based upon the force the officers used to subdue the woman. The officers picked up what no doubt must have been a small amount of plutonium or smallpox from the pavement before the police (undoubtedly justified in their use of force) showed the alleged criminal mastermind who was boss (Answer: Not the person being smacked around by the police).

I propose three other plausible explanations for this thing that I saw today. I can confirm none of this. I am only proposing it for discussion.

A). The woman was, in fact, Maurice Clarett. The police were smacking some fear into s/him before they returned s/him to prison.

B). The woman was an unpledged Superdelegate, and members of the Democratic National Committee enlisted the officers to reason with the woman in order to get her to see things their way. She will be pledging her support to Obama (or Clinton, depending on how your version of the conspiracy is framed) by tomorrow morning.

C). This is all part of Mayor Coleman's long term plan to revitalize Downtown. If you don't buy anything, we will beat you until you do. And this woman definitely didn't have any shopping bags. They could rebuild City Center overnight if they try forcing people to shop there.