"A lot of black girls, some of them are too light. Some of them are too dark. But you? You're like the Perfect Dark." When Bay area pickup artists Simple Pickup are tasked with getting girls' phone numbers using lines incorporating video game titles, that was the best they could do.

How can they possibly work Donkey Kong, Portal, Call of Duty, Need for Speed, and The Oregon Trail into somewhat successful pickup lines?

Painfully.

A trio of geeks like us that have transformed themselves into inspirational flirtation experts, Simple Pickup are so confident in their skills that they take requests. Being gamers themselves, it wasn't hard coming up with pickup lines that incorporate popular video game titles, but it must have been hard delivering them to unsuspecting women.

I do appreciate that they confirmed my long-held suspicion that Final Fantasy was a euphemism for anal sex.