I never expected to fall in deep lust with an Italian girl named Olga, but, well, here I am. The model from The Boot has been winning the week in Miami amid some very stiff competition, or, at least, competition that is making me quite stiff. Standing out in Miami in January amid the gaggle of international model hotties on the beach is no simple task. But Olga Kent, by sheer force of slender hotness and some very teeny tiny bikinis, well, she's right up there on the leaderboard for the past several days.

Someday, I'd like to speak directly to Olga and share with her the pleasure that comes from leering at her lean fineries, but I'm quite certain that might kill my chances of ever touching them. So I'll just pretend to be a sensitive poet who bides his time waiting for her next heartbreak at the hands of a dull and self-involved male model such that she may cry on my shoulders for support. I'm okay being the rebound guy. I don't even mind the regretful looks when they realize what they've done. I'm good with that. Call me when it's time, Olga. Enjoy.