You're Not Hired

Getting the Divine kick in the pants.

Prequels are hot this summer. The Star Wars and Batman prequels have grossed over half a billion dollars at the box office already, and that doesn't even include the European and Asian markets where Star Wars dubbed in Cantonese makes Yoda look even more like my sixth grade science teacher than he already does. In the hope that I, too, may become a half billionaire, I would like to write a prequel to my recent article on aish.com entitled "You're Fired".

My article, which details some challenges that I am having with the direction of my career, elicited strong reactions amongst those who read it. Based on a survey of the comments section, the majority of readers identified with my situation personally and thanked me for sharing my insights. A strong minority, however, wrote that I should "stop complaining" and that perhaps if I had ever spent time unemployed then I would be thankful to have any job at all.

Interestingly, I did spend a significant period of time jobless, and since my career path is now open for public fodder, I thought this would be a good time to share my experience.

Upon completing graduate school, I entered a job market that was not very favorable and extremely competitive. That's why I jumped at the chance to take a contract position when it came up. It wasn't guaranteed employment, but the project was so large that I was assured it would go on for years. Considering the fact that many of my friends from school were still out of work, I was extremely thankful that I had anything at all.

After six months of work I showed up to the office to discover that the project had been ended prematurely. I was told to gather my belongings and exit the premises by the end of the morning. Just like that.

After the shock wore off, I realized that I wasn't as disappointed as I thought I would be. I knew that this would never be a lifelong position for me and I saw this as a Divine kick in the pants to start looking for something else.

This wasn't the way it was supposed to be, was it?

I immediately began hitting the pavement looking for work. I practically spammed my resume to anyone with an email account. I searched for jobs online and offline. I spoke to friends, acquaintances. Everyone knew that I was looking for work and I followed all leads possible.

But something unexpected was happening: I wasn't getting any interviews. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be, was it? In school they told us that if you graduated in the top portion of the class then you would be in the position to select which company you wanted to work for. But once the economy turned sour, the rules of economic engagement changed and I was an unfortunate casualty.

Because my job hunt wasn't turning up any leads, I expanded my search to include meeting with anyone who was willing to talk to me. One such person was referred to me by my friend's mother. Her name was Renata and she was well connected and an expert at helping people in my field find employment leads, so I called her and we set up a meeting at her office.

"Let me give you some tips at what I think you need to do to successfully find a job."

I was waiting with baited breath. She was the master, and I was the student.

"The first thing you have to do is check the internet for job postings. Have you done that?" Renata asked.

"Um, yes," I said trying to figure out if she was being serious or not.

"Okay. Well, have you checked the newspapers?"

"Yes," I said beginning to realize that she was indeed very serious.

"Mmm?and you still haven't found anything?" she asked, genuinely surprised.

"No I haven't. That's why I am here," I said trying not to lose my cool.

"Well that's strange. If I may, let me draw a diagram which may help you. This," she said as she drew a stickman, "is you. And this," she drew a bubble over the stickman's right shoulder, "is the collection of knowledge that you have built up in your years of schooling. This, however," she drew another bubble over the stickman's left shoulder, "is the experience that you need in order to find the right job. What you need to do is bridge the gap between the two." She drew a bridge between the two bubbles and proudly announced, "That's the key to finding a job."

Did she think that I came down to her office so she could play a game of Win, Lose or Draw with me?

"You know what, Gideon? Let me make a photocopy of this diagram so you can use it for reference purposes," Renata offered magnanimously.

Encounters with well meaning but unhelpful people like Renata multiplied, as did the days and weeks of my unemployment. Weeks turned into months. Although I had built up a little cushion during my previous employment, my funds were depleting rapidly. I had to start conserving money. A good friend was having a birthday celebration and I knew that I couldn't afford to get him a present, so I compiled a humorous scrapbook for him instead. I cancelled my monthly internet and used the computers at the local unemployment offices instead. And whenever I went out for a burger, I'd take any leftover packs of ketchup and mustard so I didn't have to buy condiments during the week. It was hard for me to believe that six months previously I had been debating about what type of piano to buy, and now I was eating relish for dinner.

In a society that equates what you do with who you are, having no job made me feel like I was nothing.

Since I wasn't having much success finding work in my hometown, I decided to try my luck in another city where I had some connections. A friend of mine worked at one of the main synagogues in the area and I asked him if he could arrange a meeting for me with the rabbi who could perhaps introduce me to some of his congregants who worked in my field. At the end of the Shabbat services while making the weekly announcements to his entire congregation, the rabbi added, "I would like to extent a special welcome to Gideon Silverstone who is visiting from out of town. He does not currently have a job, but is looking for employment in our fair city. So please feel free to approach him at the Kiddush following services."

This was the only time in my life that I can recall ever being jealous of aardvarks. All I wanted were their little claws so I could dig a hole in the ground and bury myself.

I wasn't sure if I was just being oversensitive, but as the duration of my unemployment lengthened I felt like people's insensitivity to my plight increased. Even insignificant things became difficult -- like small talk. I came to despise the question, "So what are you up to these days?" There were only so many times that I could respond with, "This humidity is making my hair frizzy," before people started getting suspicious.

In a society that equates what you do with who you are, having no job made me feel like I was nothing. Likewise, when you dislike what you do, it's a slippery slope before you begin disliking who you are. Of course the Torah viewpoint on this is radically different: our self-worth comes from the fact that we are made in God's image; our professional accomplishments should only enhance our sense that we are realizing our Divine purpose. Having said that, telling someone who is struggling to find a fulfilling career to "stop complaining and be happy with any job you can find," is like telling someone who is single and looking for his soul mate to "stop being so picky and just marry anyone you can find." It's just plain insensitive.

For better or worse, in today's world someone's job -- or lack thereof -- has a significant impact on how he feels about himself. Therefore dealing with a person like this requires sensitivity. People like the rabbi and Renata, although well meaning, didn't quite master that sensitivity. My stint, both on and off the unemployment line, forced me to ask, Am I a person who has mastered the art of being sensitive to someone else's life challenges? I couldn't help feeling that I came up short. This was an art form that I, too, still needed to perfect and perhaps this was one of the many lessons that I was meant to learn on my journey.

Another lesson that I have learned is that everything is happening for the best. I know that the road I am taking is leading me somewhere and I have to have faith that I will find my way there. When I do, perhaps I will turn this series into a trilogy.

Visitor Comments: 27

(27)
Anonymous,
September 4, 2005 12:00 AM

Hello

I can commiserate with your observations as well as your opinions. When I read the line that stated that " ... telling someone who is struggling to find a fulfilling career to "stop complaining and be happy with any job you can find," is like telling someone who is single and looking for his soul mate to "stop being so picky and just marry anyone you can find." It's just
plain insensitive. " I had to exclaim "YES!!" I have encountered this
attitude when I had to search for work after my year long stay in Israel (although I when I returned to the States with some money, it quickly began to whittle away in the six to eight months it took me to find a job) and still do occasionally encounter this attitude with respect to the question 'what do I want to be when I grow up!" (but I've already grown up!)

I fully understand not only the struggle to find meaningful work but also attitudes around this. It is true that sometimes our self worth is indeed tied to our net worth, especially as it relates to our job. However, during those harrowing eight months (and it was harrowing... I had no place to stay and had to bounce between staying with friends and staying with my aunt who graciously also helped me out during that time.. Actions which I will forever be grateful) I found courage, strength and contribution in my
volunteer work. While I don't recommend volunteer work carte blanche,
nevertheless, I feel that I must at least MENTION its benefits. I agree with your employment counselor's assessment, experience is the bridge between knowledge and employment.

For that reason, I volunteered as clerical help at a local hospital and found five benefits: 1) the ability to contribute even when I felt I didn't have anything to do contribute 2) the ability to hone my current skills 3) the opportunity to develop new skill sets 3) the opportunity to not only meet new people but also be visible to those who do have a say in the hiring process (my supervisor in Volunteer office was friends with the secretary in Personnel and through THAT connection, I was able to go on an in-house interview for an in-house position. In-house positions, while open to the general public, were and still are almost always filled from within and as a volunteer, I was considered in-house! And based on my experience, I got the job, the job I've been for about 13 years before our facility was bought out by our "competitor". In October, I'll be transitioned into a position there... Who knew? All from volunteering!) 4) the opportunity to gain valuable WORKING experience. You can use this on a resume, as I'm sure you know. 5) a boost of confidence which translates a much better outlook in life and much better view of your self worth.
There was a 6th benefit: two free meals a day. During that whole eight month period when I didn't have much money and I was relying on people, I knew that in addition to the five points above, I'd also get two meals free (I volunteered eight hours a day four days a week and looked for work two hours a day four days a week and all day on Fridays or attended interviews).
That way, my aunt would not have to worry about her food bill or anything.
So I learned how to be very creative.

I have continued to volunteer on and off throughout my working life in addition to working hours at my present job (yes, in some ways, I really don't have a life, lol! But in another ways, it has enhanced my life).
Whenever I felt that I wanted to just learn something new without having to commit to a paying position, I would seek to volunteer. I've mostly done clerical work, Public Relations functions, etc. and I have been fortunate to work with various organizations and amassed not only important experience, but also have met great people who graciously availed themselves as future references should I need them. This is something that goes beyond 'just a job"

Okay, so why the long history. To suggest to you and those in a similar situation to consider volunteer work. Please do not see this as "working for free". On the surface or to the outsider this may be true, but once inside an organization, you'll find there is "payment" though not necessarily monetary. The most important will be contribution and those essential connections needed to at least get to an interview. I never used to believe the axiom "it's not what you know, it's who you know".. I do believe part of it or at least its morphed modern variant: "it's not what you know, it's who you know who's interested in what YOU know!" It does no
good to be the best in your field if NO ONE knows it! So volunteering
COULD be (not that it would be) your ticket to that job..

Just a thought.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us and good luck on your endeavors!

(26)
Ruth Schapira,
August 24, 2005 12:00 AM

you need to do the work before you find work

Many people think that the goal is "a job" when in fact the goal is finding A MATCH between your skills and the job. In order to maximize job hunting, you will need to assess your skills, interests, accomplishments, and define your goals in more concrete terms.

(25)
Yitz,
August 11, 2005 12:00 AM

A Blessing in Disguise - Sometimes

I can share with you that for 20 years I worked in my profession and made a good living. Then one day, the bad market ended all that. It looked bad then, but was actually the BEST thing that ever happened to me - besides, of course, my wife. Today I use more of the skills which I've acquired over the years but was never trained in, have more job satisfaction and have more time for learning and family than ever before. Take a tally of what you can do, daven to Hashem and may your tefillos be answered.

(24)
Anonymous,
August 7, 2005 12:00 AM

Dear Gedeon, thank you for sharing your story with me/us.
A few times in my life I was unemployed, although for relativly short periods, they were emotionally difficult. It felt like I was all alone. Real help was in very short supply, even from friends and relatives.
Kol tuv,
Matania

(23)
Anonymous,
August 5, 2005 12:00 AM

question to Mr Silverstone

Do YOU have any advice for someone who is still looking for work? Can you from your experience do better than Renata's recap of the basics? My husband is still looking for work.

I am getting tired of being sensitive, since he regularlarly insults the work I do, which is our sole means of support. Believe me, I get plenty of insensitivity from outsiders who wonder why I don't get a "regular" job, why I don't "throw the bum out," etc. *I* would be happy with any job he could get!

(22)
Anonymous,
August 5, 2005 12:00 AM

wow

i can sooo identify with this article. i was in the same position and almost dreaded going to weddings, shul etc. because i couldn't face everyone's questions about finding a job. "you still don't have a job?" or "aren't you bored?" or "what do you do with your life?" were normal questions i got all the time. it was horrible. to everyone out there in the same situation, you are who you are, not what you do! and as for sensitivity about this issue, i have to admit that before i was jobless i looked down at pple without jobs. what's so hard about finding one? i thought. well Hashem knows how to teach someone a lesson.

(21)
David Altschul,
August 4, 2005 12:00 AM

Who's your employer anyway?

The Talmud teaches us that the work is hard, the rewards are great, and the master is impatient.
I don't think the "master" here is someone in an Armani suit.
The purposes of a day job include: doing service, having a basis for gratitude, and taking care of material needs so that we can be freed up to express our souls in service to HaShem.
Employers aren't in business to provide meaning.
THAT search is our job. Get on with it!

(20)
Anonymous,
August 2, 2005 12:00 AM

I agree with "Unethics"

In reading Unethics comment I had to say something about it. I have been out of college for a long time (longer than I care to admit) and been unemployed a couple of times. Each time I went to the local jewish institution to seek help and found a job. GREAT RIGHT! Not really. What is it about our people that they have to lie and cheat to get ahead? I have worked for three members of my community and every single time once the projects they needed me to do were completed (and some of them took over a year to complete) my career and future was of no interest to them. I have wasted years of my life fighting for what was promised to me to no avail. Needless to say I am kicking myself for taking those jobs instead of other offers I had at the time. The way things are structured these organizations are run by the rich for the rich. The last time I asked for job help from my comunitiy’s Bikur Holim, and it is the last time I ask for help from this place, I was not helped because the people I was working for were extremely wealthy people and were donors to this organization so they did not want to instigate them. I am a foreigner that was not very religious when I came to this country. Now that every time I have fallen it was due to fellow coreligionists I wonder why I ever got involved with religion. Needless to say I am struggling, my career is gone, and I am constantly questioning everything I do. I am just wondering…how much does a jewish family’s future cost?

(19)
Andria,
August 2, 2005 12:00 AM

I agree

I can completely relate to your job hunting experience. I received my BA and then MA in education thinking that if I get all of my schooling done now, then I will look more attractive to employers. I have now been waiting for the past three years for a teaching position, working-thankfully-at a job that is not what my career path was in. For all the applications that I have put in, only two have turned up with interviews. I also believe that the road I am taking is where I am suppose to be. If only Hashem would speed along the process. I think the key is to be thankful for the blessings that we have received.

(18)
Michael Fridman,
August 1, 2005 12:00 AM

Mega dittos'!!

I totally agree with where Gideon is coming from. Since graduating from college in 2002, when the economy headed south, I have worked four jobs in three years and I spend a total of thirteen months unemployed looking for work. It amazes me how many people can be insensitive to once's plight when looking for work and I went through all the same things. I did find a job, where I am typing this messag from, which a malnurished monkey could do, but it is a job, and I am gratefull for that, but I still don't have to like it:)

The lesson one learns about sensitivity to people during times of umemployment or other difficult times is invaluable and I have had first had experience. I am looking forward to a third installment from Gideon.

(17)
Anonymous,
August 1, 2005 12:00 AM

Unethics in Jewish World

Thank you, Gideon, for another excellent piece.

I don't think most ppl can truly understand how deeply a man's self-esteem is tied to his job...until one loses their job, like I did.

However, my loss was especially stinging, in that it was a jewish communal job, and i was "dismissed" in a most unethical fashion, while the "powers that be" kept silent.

This situation is much more common than ppl realize, but will continue, with lives being hurt, until the paradigm shifts...that Jewish organizations need to be ethical not just in word but deed.

(16)
Anonymous,
August 1, 2005 12:00 AM

Well done

Good article. Perhaps you can write a piece on how friends and relations can and should make introductions for the job seeker so that instead of asking "what's up" they can get involved and become an ally to the unemployed without the unfounded fear of making a recommendation...Good job. K

(15)
Jonathan Keefe,
August 1, 2005 12:00 AM

Gideon-Please read and Michele's comments!

I've been there also. Having to ask form more scholarships, trying not to feel like a failure, etc. Very good for the ego, if not the bank account. HaShem runs the world. Do we believe that? If so, He can replenish your bank account. I pray that you are successful spiritually as well as physically.

(14)
Linda,
August 1, 2005 12:00 AM

Thank You!

Your article is wonderfully written & with a great sense of humor! May G-d help you with all - especially a meaningful way to earn your keep!

(13)
Shawna,
August 1, 2005 12:00 AM

Thanks, Michele

When I opened my e-mail and read the title of this article - "You're not hired - the divine kick in the pants" I thought - oh how totally appropriate and what perfect timing. I just got passed over for a promotion to do exactly what I"ve been doing for the past 15 years - community planning and organizing around homeless issues. It has really been a kick in the pants. While I know - in my head - all the things Gideon S. says (we shouldn't allow our jobs to define us too much, etc.) and while I've also been working very hard to work less and live more - I still felt absolutely devastated, betrayed, and lost. Reading about Michele's husband, however, really helped put it in perspective. I definitely believe that all things work out for hte best in the long run, but sometimes it's just too close - the stinging ache fromt he kick distracts us too much from the knowledge that it'll all work out.

I do hope that my "not getting the job" will turn out to be (as I suspect)
God's way of letting me spend time on a personal life. I have a family now - two step daughters and a toddler son. I'd love to have more. My head tells me this is God's way of letting me achieve these other goals - I've done so well on my career goals.

Anyway, thanks for sharing. Life lessons hurt sometimes, but the occasional comiserating helps.

(12)
Shimson,
August 1, 2005 12:00 AM

Are you a rabbi?

You sound so wise and have a keen sense of right and wrong. Ever think about becoming a rabbi or Torah teacher?

(11)
Michele,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

Learning from the Divine Kick

My husband used to pray that G-d would help him learn not to be prideful. Be careful what you pray for.
He left a job as a VP of a Fortune 100 company, to take a position as the CMO for a large, well-known company in our state. Within 6 months he was laid off. He got a job as the COO of another, smaller company -- and was laid off in other 6 months, during the tech meltdown. For the next 4.5 years he consistently heard "You're overqualified." (They didn't dare say, You're too old.) He went from saying, "I'm between opportunities," to "I'm unemployed." One heartbreaking day he said, "I don't have a career anymore; I just need a job."
Finally, after paying the mortgage for our executive-type house out of our retirement funds, I pushed him to put it on the market. It sold in 6 days, a record in our neighborhood. Two weeks after the closing, and while we were in negotiations for a smaller house for which we can, thank G-d, pay cash, he got a job offer. It's outside of his field, less responsibility than he's had in 20 years, but he has become a much more humble, sensitive man.
He's used the time to volunteer on the Board of a battered women's shelter; he was able to be at all the high school events are kids were involved in; he's substituted in the public schools; helped me start my own business; and best of all, has gotten closer to G-d. We renewed our vows at our 30th anniversary in June and give thanks to G-d for bringing us through this trial.
As it is written in Ecclesiastes, "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." As hard as it was, I wouldn't trade the past 4.5 years, and the lessons learned, for anything. If he'd received the job offer two months earlier, we wouldn't have thought of selling our house . . . but now we'll be debt-free. The house we're buying is in the same neighborhood where our Torah study group meets. We went under contract before we found out that the job would be an hour away (but it would still be that far if we'd stayed in our big house), so we're staying in the community where are friends are instead of starting over nearer to a job that may or may not last.
Ultimately, G-d is in charge. In Psalm 27 we read that in the day of trouble He will hide us in His sukkah. Not His fortress, or His strong tower, but His flimsy sticks-and-branches lean-to. But with G-d in it with us, it is enough.

(10)
Anonymous,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

This was both helpful and sensitive. I have been out of work for about a month. I am a father of twin 7 year boys and the only bread winner in the household.
Thank you.

(9)
Cindy Solis,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

It's not WHAT you know.

After returning to the U.S. from overseas, I landed in Miami. It took me 3 years to find a decent job, inspite of my education and work experience. I found a job, not because of WHAT I knew, but WHO I knew. Networking, and getting into the right circles is the key to getting any job in this century.

(8)
Genevieve Fosa,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

Struggle to find work

Being out of work can be devastating, no matter what your life situation is. I know what it had been like for me, coming out of a marriage that had gone from bad to worse, and worse again. I had few job skills and four children looking up to me for all their needs. On top of this, my ex-husband had called the last few places where I had worked, threatening my supervisors if they did not fire me immediately.

It took years to live all of that down, and I am still working through debts and other problems which built up during that time.

You are absolutely right, in that our society does judge a person by the work he does, and if he does not have a job with an income which supports his needs and those of his family, he is judged as personally and morally lacking, even though he is doing everything in his power to make the situation better.

I am so thankful to see Jews question the meaning of success in our society, acknowledging that it isn't simply money and power, and that difficult times can also be times to learn more from Ha Shem.

(7)
Jorge,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

GRACIAS

Wow!!! I have been out of a job since March and in Mexico we do not have unemployment offices, Im not Jewish but I found this web page because im interested in spiritual readings, I know there is something comming up to me so I can use my abilities to the service of society, maybe mañana, meanwhile yes, i have become more sensitive, tolerant, patient, compassionate, I have spent long hours with my aging parents and nephews, sister and brother whom I neglected due to the greed of climbing the ladder of succes in five star luxury resorts -lots of Jewish weddigns- so is a time to realize that im not here to nejoy or to suffer but to learn, thank you very much for sharing this part of your life, thank you very much, (cant wait for the trlogy!!!

(6)
Larry Eisenberg,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

Finding a Job

To anyone who is looking for a job, you might want to check out the 5 O'Clock Club website.

(5)
Sandra Artman,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

waiting for the right job can be expensive

Graduating from law school my son has shared your experience in the Tech Industry. After being laid off in Austin, he waited for the "right job" for 6 months. He found one in LA where his family of 4 live in a cramped 2 bedroom apartment and pay more in rent than for their mortgage payments on their golf course mini mansion. The sad thing is that he can save nothing for his kids' schooling or his own retirement.
I look forward to the day when profit, altruism and responsibility replace greed in the corporate mind.

(4)
Anonymous,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

Patience pays off

My son-in-law and my daughter, both with master's degrees from a good grad school in the humanities had high-paying jobs in small dot-com companies, had just bought a lovely home, and were expecting their first child when they were laid off. That was about 5 years ago. They tried to find other work but except for some part-time teaching jobs that my son-in-law found, there was nothing. They had to sell their home at a loss to make enough to live on. They moved away to a cheaper state. My son-in-law had been getting his Ph.D. in philosophy, but that didn't seem like a very employable field so at almost 40, he tried to learn graphic design and get freelance work. With no credentials or portfolio, that didn't work out too well. My daughter enrolled in a second master's program in library science while trying to raise the new baby. They had to live in a tiny apartment and the baby slept on a mat on the floor by their bed until she was 4 years old. But little by little, their patience and faith paid off. One of the freelance jobs turned into a real job for a human rights organization so my son-in-law is using his talents as a graphic artist but also his ethics training as a philosopher to make a real difference in the world. My daughter got a job with the school library system now that their daughter is in preschool. They have gotten another house with a bedroom for their child. At any point it would have been easy for them to give up. We fully expected our daughter and the baby to move back in with us as so many other young people have done. But she never gave up on her marriage and never expressed anything other than pride in her husband and his dedication to having a meaningful career. It seems like there was a plan for their life after all, but it wasn't immediately obvious during those 5 years of struggle, exacerbated by just the kind of awkward questions and well-meant "helping" behavior that made things more painful. So do keep your courage and your hopes up, and G_d will indeed lead you "in right paths for His Name's sake"!

(3)
Anonymous,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

THANK YOU FOR EACH AND EVERY WORD IN BOTH OF YOUR ARTICLES!

Thanks much also to Michele for sharing her husband's and her experience.

(2)
Dovid Travers,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

Every cloud has a silver lining

For those people who have not experienced the plight of Gideon and others being unemployed for any extended period of time it is difficult, can be soul destroying and undermine one's self respect and self confidence.

I, myself, experienced this and ended up leaving the IT industry altogether. But during the interlude before finding new employment, to keep focus I took up jogging 'religiously' five or six days-a-week. I got fit, lost weight (over 30lbs) and maintained my self esteem as I was continuing to achieve in another area of my life.

The additional free time one has at one's disposal can and should be used wisely.
Attending Torah classes, doing community work or even spending more time with the family (extended family included) (doing the pick-ups and drop-offs that is normally the province of the wife/mother), are all options that should be considered. When this additional time is wisely utilised instead of burden it becomes a wonderful resource, which afterall it is. Then one will find that the experience is a positive and you will be better placed for that opportunity when it does eventually show up.

(1)
Ben,
July 31, 2005 12:00 AM

It's ultimately in Hashem's hands

Erev Rosh Hashanah 2000 I was laid off from what I thought was my dream job. When I told someone at Shul that evening before Mincha, he said "What a lousy way to start the new year." For some reason I replied "Well, it isn't really the new year yet." A week later I received a call from a head hunter who offered me a new job with a better company, a substantial raise, a signing bonus, and stock options to provide on-site support ...at the very company that had laid me off! Yes, G-d runs the world and has a great sense of humor.
My one piece of advice is: keep a positive outlook and always remember that it is G-d who is running the world.

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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