So I cheated on my boyfriend of a long time and I need some opinions on what I should do.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a very long time, I cheated on him with one guy, one time. I know that it was very wrong of me. I love my boyfriend so damn much, I don't know why I choose to do that. I want nothing more than to work things out with my boyfriend and get on with our lives. I know it will be very hard to ear his trust and love back but I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. What would your advice be on the best way to handle this situation? I am not looking for people to be mean and disrespectful to me I know what I did is wrong, I hate myself for doing it and will regret it for the rest of my life so I don't need people telling me how horrible of a person I am I already know. Thanks

Updates:

I told him that I cheated on him so he does know about the whole situation, he doesn't know if he should leave me or try to make things work, because he does love me so much.

Most Helpful Guy

First off although what you did was a horrible thing you are not a horrible person. Remind yourself all the time of the things you are good at and the traits you can be proud of support those and help them grow.

At the same time be aware of your shortcomings. Whatever trait it was in you that mad you want to cheat at that time. Be aware of it don't try to push it away because then it will only come out with more strength later (just like suppressing anger). Be conscious and aware and allow yourself to change into a better person.

Take the thing you did as a lesson and remember what it has done to your life if the situation comes up again remember this one and learn from the experience. You know now cheating isn't worth it.

All you can do is not to blame him for it happening, learn from it. Truly enjoy the time you spend with him when the subject comes up tell him you love him and that you wish you could undo the past but all you can promise you will never do it again. Your relationship will never be the same as it was and that is something you have to accept but for now when you wake up beside him you can be grateful that he is still there with you, that he is kind and forgiving. When you wake up and are so happy he is there tell him that he is special to you.

0

0|0

0|1

Asker

I feel like a horrible person, and I don't know if he will ever forgive me. I can't forgive myself. It is def. a lesson I have learned from and I very well know that cheating isn't worth it, I have possibly destroyed the thing I love most in life and I don't know if I can live with that. :*(

What Guys Said 2

I'm not gonna lecture you, but here's the thing, if you mention you cheated- that would be the morally correct thing, but then your trust and honest goes out the window - just like if you hadn't told him.

if you don't tell him - you will preconsciously lie to hide things that you think offend him in the future (unless you make a very strong effort not to)

If you do tell him - he will find it very hard to believe and trust you, which then makes it extremely difficult to confide in you as his only.

If I was placed in your shoes (rather than how I am now, in your boyfriends shoes) I would respect you not telling me because it has not progressed into anything more than a Girlfriend Boyfriend relationship; AND! that you have only done it one time and will not do it again.

If the relationship started to progress or head towards marriage, then I would have to re-evaluate that stance because it would become MUCH more difficult to explain it down the road as to why / how long it's been going on / etc. It would make him definately walk away without thinking about it. (He proposes and then you just say "Umm I cheated on you" and he goes "your joking?" - then he spits on the ground and goes "Ummm... f***" and walks away completely p*ssed)

So here's the thing:

Do you tell him? or do you hide it? (I'm asking you, not anyone else)

- Do you want to be seen as more respectful for bringing it up now, and having courage?

|OR|

- Take the weaker method out of the situation and hide it like it didn't happen, letting it boil inside you

Best regards,

ArtistBBoy

0

0|0

0|0

Asker

I already did tell him and we are in a very heated relationship over 5 years. He wanted to marry me and wanted to have kids.

So you guys are technically on a "break" for him to sort out his feelings. Your hands are tied- you have done all that you can do. If he chooses to continue dating you, then he may; however, by making the action you did (cheating) the ball is now in his court and you must wait and accept any outcome you receive.

I'm glad you told him. Nothing is worse than having to live with a lie and let it eat you from within. The feeling of guilt would never leave.

The best I can tell you is to learn from your mistakes. Give your boyfriend a sincere reason to stay with you, and show it by your efforts. This doesn't mean to be his beck and call girl, but to at least show that you love him. If he's a considerate boyfriend and loves you too, he will stay with you until the end.

0

0|0

0|0

Asker

Well thanks for responding, and I have very well learned from my mistake. I am doing my best to try to show him that I do love him and that I do care but he isn't believing any of it. Also he wants an answer as to why I did it, how can I give him that answer when I myself don't even know why?