Jennifer Aniston goes first

When Jennifer Aniston agrees to attend the MTV Movie Awards, it’s because they’ve guaranteed her a win. And not only that, a star of her stature gets to dictate when she collects too. This is why the Dirtbag category came first. So that she could be seated in the audience during the opening performance, take the stage immediately after the host’s monologue, be photographed with the trophy, and promptly be allowed to leave.

If you watched the entire show, you’ll note she was no longer sitting next to Elizabeth Banks after she won. And she also didn’t bother heading into the press room either. Can’t say I blame her. Those fetid Hilton sisters were invited. You don’t expect Jennifer Aniston to spend two hours in the same room, do you? When Jennifer Aniston leaves the MTV Movie Awards, that has everything to do with it being a brand decision. If I were managing Aniston’s career, I would make exactly the same call. When people on her level show up at that event, they’re doing the event a favour. It’s the same reason Johnny Depp pretty much got to choreograph his own appearance too.

Besides, Jen looked really uncomfortable in that unflattering leather dress. And in the worst areas too. Like around the armpits. That’s what’s tricky about the material, you know? I’m sure when she initially put it on, there was no problem with flesh squeeze. But it gets hot in the arena and she’s being wrangled from location to location, and there’s moisture and it sticks and clings and suddenly it’s too tight around the chest and before you know it, Star Magazine is saying she’s pregnant.