In an attempt to make Deidara join him Orochimaru turns our favourite blond bomber into a girl to 'punish' him, that's not even all of his problems. He has a group of fanboys, who all decide its time to compete for his love: ItaDei, TobiDei, SasoDei,HiDei. Hiatus

First chapter of the redone: read it here www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7825742/1/

An Unknown Jutsu

Deidara growled slightly as he trudged through the forest which surrounded the Akatsuki base, he of all the Akatsuki been chosen for scouting duty. At six in the freaking morning! Seriously, it was way too early to be scouting and also he was the wrong person to be doing so. Well yeah, he was usually up an hour or so before dawn anyway because of his screwed up sleeping habits (he blamed Sasori for this, why? Just because he could :P) whilst everyone else slept in till noon or even later and sure enough his mechanical eye had night vision but still!

The forest was massive, miles and miles upon trees, it was illogical for one person to search the place by himself even with chakra clones, surely Zetsu would have been a better choice as he was actually the Akatsuki's scout and seemed able to appear in numerous places at once as well as having an insane sensing skill or even Kisame choice seeing as he had an insane amount of chakra and his sword could sense it. But no they had to send the blond bomber who could not sense chakra until it was pretty close and his mechanical eye did not even help much due to the numerous amounts of trees disturbing his view.

He was brought out of his inner musing by a kunai speeding towards him, due to Sasori's constant attempts to strike him with his coil his reaction time was superb and he moved of the way before it could hit him. He cursed, why did now had to be the one time that someone bothered to actually enter the forest? The time he was scouting? His hand reached for his clay pouch, but it wasn't there. Damn, he had left it behind because no ever entered the stinking forest, maybe Sasori was right and he should be more prepared. Well he may not have his clay but that did not mean he was defenceless after all being a s-ranked shinobi in the Akatsuki meant you had to have considerable talents in ninjutsu, taijutsu and genjutsu. He was not that skilled in genjutsu but he was better than most people and his taijutsu was actually just as good as the other Akatsuki members if not better in some cases but he refrained from using it.

His hand mouths had the habit of biting people, and unlike Zetsu, he did not think that human flesh was that nice tasting. In fact most shinobis were disgusting, covered in mud, blood and other such things and it was questionable if half of them had ever made a passing acquaintance with a shower before. It very questionable indeed.

He was then attacked by another four kunais from different directions; again he was grateful for his amazing reactions as he dodged them with ease. He then picked up the kunais, whoever threw those kunais were going to regret giving him weapons. Smirking confidently, he looked around activating his heat sensors in his mechanical eye wondering why the hell he had not done it in first place. He quickly found his five attackers; he threw all five kunais in one hand with expert preciseness all of them hitting their mark. There were thuds as five shinobi fell from the trees they had been perched in, he looked at them curiously, sound ninjas only chuunin or maybe even genin.

He froze as he heard evil chuckling coming from behind him, he turned around to see an incredibly pale man with long black hair which was rather thin and less pretty than Deidara's, it also looked far less healthy. His yellow eyes reminded him of a snake, in fact most things about this man did so. He was confused about how he had not sensed the man with his heat sensor, it was as if his temperature matched his surroundings, it seemed he did not just look like a snake then but also shared snake qualities.

"KuKuKu, quite impress~ive, Deidara." The man said, dragging out his 's' in an almost hiss. Deidara gave a start, how the hell did this snake know his name? Who was this snake- err- person anyway?

"How do you know my name!" Deidara said glaring at the snake, who merely laughed and raised an eyebrow.

"Ss~eriouss~ly, you don't think I would not look up at my own replacement?" The man laughed, Deidara looked at him blankly with wide blue eyes.

"R-Replacement, un?" He questioned uncertainly, the snake wannabe laughed and walked forward towards Deidara and tilted Deidara's head up towards his own.

"Yess~ Deidara, my replacement ass~ Ss~ass~ori'ss partner," The snake said leaning closer, Deidara took a step back, but the man just moved forward. "Did they neglect to tell you about little old me?" He grinned, Deidara gulped nervously, this snake-man was freaky and that was saying something considering with whom he lived with.

"You can't be, they told me that the only way to leave the Akatsuki is through death and you are clearly alive." Deidara said suddenly getting back his confidence and aiming a kick at the man's head. The man chuckled and caught his leg,

"Oh, they just did not want you to betray them like I did." The man said, letting out a hiss as Deidara kicked him in the face using his other leg, standing on his hands to do so. He let go of Deidara's leg to nurse his poor possibly broken nose.

"My, aren't you the feissty one." He said, Deidara scowled at him and aimed a punch at him. "Well you can always leave Akatsuki and join me, you have the right type of… energy which I look for in a minion. You can call me Master Orochimaru, has a nice ring, don't ya think?" He chortled; Deidara's punch hit him square in the mouth. Orochimaru sighed, "I guess I'll have to punish you for that, I'll be waiting for you, Deidara-kun~" Orochimaru said winking as he made hand signals, Deidara felt his eyes grow heavier and it all went black.

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