Some of my mail makes me laugh and some makes me wish I had a magic wand that could make problems disappear. Periodically I get mail that asks for advice, something I only rarely give to my children who, because of parental respect, are a captive audience.

The main reason I don't give much advice is because most advice given to me didn't work. When I was younger, I wanted to do something grand that would save the world. As decades passed, I learned some people and things couldn't be saved; some may have wanted saving but not by me, and I was not always a good judge of what or who needed saving. Also, my way of dealing with problems is not always useful to others.

Having said that, and ever-ready to bumble in where angels fear to tread, I'll try to answer a "What would you do" question. A very sad reader asked what I would do if my daughter-in-law would not let me see my grandchildren, refused to even have dialogue about why, but had written a letter filled with false accusations as the reasons for separation. And, worse yet, what if my son avoided getting involved?

The first thing I should do is write thank-you notes to my daughters-in-law and sons for not placing me in such an awful position. After days of serious thinking, I'm still not sure, but I think I would focus on my goal: to see my grandchildren. I know that there are legal ways for grandparents to force visitation, but I would try soft-sell first. I would ask my son what I might have done to offend and then apologize to my daughter-in-law if I had offended anyone. If I got no response, I'd go over to their home to apologize, even if I had not offended anyone. Ego or fairness be damned; I want to be in my grandchildren's lives. I would ask - if my daughter-in-law did not want to be in my presence - if my son would bring them to visit me at home or whether we could meet at a park. All I know for sure is that my primary focus would be on doing whatever spared the children from being in the middle of such a sorry state of affairs. If it meant sacrificing my role in their lives, then so be it. I would hope that when they are older they would learn that we loved them and wanted to see them. I would try to console myself that I raised a son who, as a good husband, knew to give his wife's feelings priority and that my husband, by his example of treating me with respect, had taught my son to respect his wife's wishes before others.

Since I can't draw from experience and have no degree in counseling, I'm wondering how other grandparents have faced and found solutions for this tragic situation.