An academy for growth and guidance

Month: Oct 2017

With suicides among teens and children at an all time high, parents are troubled with one question; why don’t kids come to us when they are upset? We could have perhaps worked on it better! Well, ideally, that’s true. If children did approach their parents in times of difficulty, appropriate guidance at the right time could ward off major damage. But despite being most familiar with parents, there must be a reason why children fail to approach them when needed. And this fortunately, is something as parents, we can definitely solve. The problem and the solution lie within us! The problem being our behaviour or reaction to past issues discussed by the child and the solution being to reverse those reactions and attempt a better one the next time.

The article lists some of the situations where the parents need to be cautious. Let’s take the example of a 12 year old coming in to share his experience of infatuation. The first impulsive reaction the mother gives is one of anger and betrayal – how could my child turn out to be like this? But the solution here is get down to reality, comprehend that it’s normal for every child to have such feelings and to acknowledge and respect them. Respect, being a key word here. The child needs to feel validated. And if his self-respect is hurt in front of his own mother, there is very little chance that he would approach her again. Similarly, feelings of shock, authority, or obsession from a parent / parents could push the child away from them.

Parenting sure is a challenging job, and there is no one book or guide that’ll give us the tips we need. However, there are people (professional counsellors) who could help parents handle such situations. It is essential that the parent is well aware of a situation and conducts himself/herself well because that is exactly how the child will react to it. Every action by the parent evokes a reaction from the children. And for children to feel secure, respected and loved, a sufficient amount of trust and faith needs to be established by the parents.

A great family is one where kids share not only their happy experiences but the unhappy and scary ones too .Being able to cry together is essential too. And it’s important for parents to provide such a platform to their children, hence ensuring that when kids really are in trouble, the people they’ll look up to first would be their very own family.

Let’s strive to make each home a happy home but also with an outlet for sadness, fear and confusion. Let’s help the world get rid of blue whales and make way for happy dolphins. And happiness sure does begin at home!

Stress! Yes, there it is again! The notorious, dreaded and recurring phenomenon. Ranging from children to adults, men to women; all of us have experienced various levels of stress and with each passing day, the goal remains the same – to identify different causes of stress with the objective of eliminating it from our lives. And today’s article draws a link between procrastination and stress. One might have observed that humans are always after something they don’t possess, whilst perhaps overlooking the green grass in their very own backyard. Similarly, Lithuanian psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik states that the mind mulls over unfinished tasks, quite often forgetting about finished tasks, and that lingering thought transforms into stress.

The idea originated when she heard from waiters that they couldn’t remember orders once they were complete. However, the incomplete ones stayed with them longer. She extended her observation by giving a set of children certain tasks. And during few of the tasks, they were interrupted. It was observed that the children weren’t able to remember all of them, but the tasks that remained incomplete due to interruptions, were very easy to recall. This is how she reached her analysis of stress being caused by incomplete/unfinished tasks. The stress is rarely caused by a large amount of work done or completed, but more so by a certain task that’s yet to be done.

The key to freeing oneself from such stress is to do one thing at a time – so simple, yet so onerous to implement! Multi-tasking is almost like breathing today. We find it hard to start one job, give it full attention and complete it. The greed to get more done at the same time often leaves us with some unfinished business, thereby leading to higher levels of stress. Apart from compromising on productivity, we are also at a risk of recalling the unfinished task time and again.

Doing fewer things is not the solution, but getting things done on the basis or priority and one at a time would help sort things out in the mind. And peace of mind leads to better quality of work and of course, a better quality of life!

As we have been discussing suicides among children, it’s also important to pay attention suicides among adults. We may all be aware that a failed relationship is a prominent cause for a suicide, but have we wondered what the other causes are? According to a recent survey, 50% of the people who seek help online are suffering from work-related stress or depression.

Work is worship; agreed! But it could also lead us to the gates of hell if not dealt with appropriately. Pressure at workplaces, the will to keep growing and the fear of not being able to do so are causing individuals to reach a breakdown or in worse cases, succumb to depression! Not able to find happiness leads to absenteeism which in turn leads to fear of losing a job. The ordeal of having to go to a workplace you are not fond of can be quite traumatizing in the long run. Rising expectations by bosses and employees too, are causing employees to go into depression.

Psychologists say that all of the above could be handled by ensuring a work-life balance. It may sound clichéd, but it sure still holds good as one of the best ways of ensuring a fulfilling life. The minute work starts to lead in the race, life is left behind. Literally. Laws may need to be altered at workplaces but helping employees stay happy and content is not only beneficial for the employees, but to the company as well. Productivity of employees solely depends on their well-being.

If school is second home for children, an office is one for adults. A major part of the day is spent here and any stress experienced here will subsequently show up in all other spheres of life.

What’s more worrying is that interpersonal relations at home too take a hit. And any demanding job will not be able to give a person the time to sort things out. And the cycle of stress just continues.

Hence, isn’t it better to manage time and attention effectively before we reach that stage? Dedicating time to what’s important and urgent at the moment can help prioritize things. Keeping work stress away from home and vice versa consequently improves things at both places! Being mindful about how much time work is taking away from you in a day and to judge whether it’s worth it, is the key here!

Some are lucky to have dream jobs, some aren’t. But all are capable of being happy in their workplaces with just a little attention and mindfulness. So the choice is ALWAYS yours!

For a change that drastic, something drastic must have happened right? Probably not! With parents terrified about suicides amongst children, each one is striving hard to dig out every possible reason that is pushing a child to take such an extreme step. Earlier there were reasons (if one may call it that) to end a life; however invalid it may have seemed to others. Heartbreaks, failures at school, poverty… etc. But today, parents who say they have given “everything” to their kids too end up losing their children. While looking for something huge and noticeable as a cause to such behaviour, what has emerged as a winner from research is a very basic concept – poor communication between parents and children.

As shocking as it may seem, it most certainly is that essential too. After having provided your kids with “everything”, maybe it’s time to just make sure that you too are there for them; in every possible way. Constant critiquing, unrealistic expectations, academic pressure etc could be underlying causes of one wanting to end their life. As quoted by a child who attempted suicide 17 times, the aim was not to end a life; but to end the pain.

It’s important to comprehend that “pain” is a relative term and however irrelevant it may appear to be to us; it is valid for a child. To validate his feelings and understand his pain is crucial. And when that doesn’t happen he looks for other options, sometimes, suicide!

With World Mental Health day being celebrated three days ago, the hope is that people take a step forward and acknowledge mental health issues in children too. Acknowledgment is only the first step to solving it. If parents identify an issue and vow to resolve it by asking for help, they are perhaps preventing a tragedy that was waiting to happen!

So, to all parents out there, you may feel you are doing everything right, and of course, one is never dubious about the intentions of a parent; but never forget communication is a two-way street and it should seem right from both ends for it be ‘effective’.

So even if you feel everything is “fine”, it’s better to look at communication from another angle; hence making sure everything always remains fine. Parents are ready to go any length to protect their kids from the big bad blue whale and when it could be doing something as basic as improving communication, why not start now?