Bite your tongue during the holidays

Wednesday

Dec 5, 2012 at 2:08 PM

During the holidays it seems to occur more prevalently, but there’s no telling when it can happen. We’re all guilty of it: saying the wrong thing.Being a big proponent of building people up, rather than tearing them down, I believe in accentuating the positive. But when people are stressed, tired and more or less over worked, it’s inevitable: the slip of the tongue. What’s worse is when the sharer doesn’t even know they’ve made such a negative impression by airing what’s on their mind.My response is to usually laugh it off, but it doesn’t hurt to review mannerisms that make getting through the holidays, or any day for that matter, more of a pleasant experience.The worst that I encounter is when people say the paper has changed and complain about things not in my control …what about the things that make the paper a great cheerleader for all who are honored and promoted in working to build community. Imagine what it would be like if our community didn’t have a paper?I had to smile when hearing a story recently about how a musician was told she messed up a note or two during a musical presentation on the organ. The complainer shared how they noticed the slipup and it bothered the musician so much she went home and counted all the notes she had played — something like several thousand. The next time she saw this person, she told them she was sorry they only listened to that wrong note and not the other several thousand played. That certainly is food for thought.I believe it was Mark Twain who said: “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”In some situations, it is better to keep our thoughts and ideas to ourselves, rather than broadcasting them for the world to hear. This is not to say that opinions are not valid, but to illustrate that there is an appropriate time and place to air one’s views.Most of the time these things are said when the person is not fully informed and makes assumptions. It’s interesting when people think they know exactly how events came about when, in actuality, that’s not the case. Grudges can be held onto for years merely on assumptions made. It’s sad, especially when this is the season of good cheer.Throughout history many famous, noteworthy people have taken Mark Twain’s adage to heart. These wise people knew when to talk and when to keep silent. Many leaders have learned when to talk and when to keep silent, even when it might be difficult to do so. All leaders choose their words carefully, picking the right time to speak, so that their words can have the greatest impact.A blog I read said if you learn to cultivate this skill of knowing when to hold your tongue, you will also become wise, even if people think you are not. Some people, in fact, will underestimate you because they do not know what you are thinking all the time. This can give you an advantage in many situations. When people underestimate you, they do not focus on you, leaving you to make and execute plans without scrutiny.In addition to flying under the radar, if you think before you speak, you can also improve your listening skills, which is a very important and useful skill to have. Listening is another key trait for a leader to have, and it is harder to achieve than many people think.When we listen attentively, less assumptions are made and we’re able to make informed decisions.As the great radio commentator Paul Harvey always said, “And now you know the rest of the story” and maybe the rest of the story is what we could all concentrate on during this season of good cheer.Nancy Hastings is a staff writer for the Hillsdale Daily News. She can be reached nancy.hastings@hillsdale.net.