Thursday, August 14, 2014

My husband and I came home with that admittance paper saying we'll-discuss-this and, well, we haven't discussed it.

I think we both buried our head in the sand with the thought that his "treatment" is over, he must be better, I mean, that's what it's supposed to do right?

Jacob is doing better. A little better. Instead of melting down every third day, it's every fourth day. Not ideal, but progress. I like the extra good day.

He is still on the contract for his games. He doesn't like it, but those first three days he complies. The fourth day? Forget about it. He shouldn't have a contract, that is completely unfair, why is everyone so mean to him? F*#k You, rot in hell.

I didn't realize we were in a four day cycle until this week. After I had already volunteered to take Adam's best school friend for the day while his mom was at work.

Whooo, boy. Did I mention that friend is an only child?

Thank goodness his mom is laid back and understanding and just happens to be a nurse with experience in mental health issues or otherwise Adam may have been looking for a new best school friend this fall.

Many times when Jacob gets in these moods, I spend much of my time trying to diffuse them. I get so wrapped up in stopping it, that I can't see what is actually happening, but this day I watched him and took notes(before we fled to a movie and lunch just to get poor friend out of there):

When Derick left around 5:30 that morning I woke suddenly remembering that he hadn't taken the games from him the night before so I had him go get them before he woke up. He wasn't happy about having to walk a llllll the waaayyyy upstairs, but he did go get them. Noted to self: I will have to be the one to enforce that from now on.

When Jacob woke up an hour later he was livid. He was sure the littles, who were still sleeping, had taken his things and he made sure they knew he thought so. I rectified the situation but at that point he was so enraged and now he was mad at ME because hell no I can't take his things! They are HIS. Where do I get off? I ignored him for the next two hours as did the others. He cussed and griped that entire time, but we have learned to go about our business. It does not escape me that we could likely have avoided the entire scene if my husband would have put down his phone and turned off the television and reminded him to bring that game down.

Mood Killer Number 1: No Sleep. I am sure he was up until at least 4 playing those games hence the need to "turn it in".

So then the friend showed up and things amped up from there. Did I mention friend's mom is the school nurse at the private school? The private school that still causes him to freak out? She is wonderful to him and was while he was there, but he had many choice words about that place in the three minutes she was in my home. Like I said before, thank goodness she went to nursing school.

Mood Killer Number 2: That school! It still haunts him. He has really got to learn to let it go.

And then there was a friend. And then Jacob was calling him names, telling him he was stupid, acting just like, no worse, than the three year olds I teach when they don't want to share.

Mood Killer Number 3: Brother has a friend. He has many friends. Jacob is still struggling to make and keep friends. Things have been better since switching schools, he actually went to a birthday party and when he does have his phone there are a few who text him, but no one ever comes over. They never did. Never has a school friend come over for him. He is so immature he still asks for playdates with his 8th grade friends and I try to explain that it doesn't really work that way at his age, but he just thinks I am being mean to him yet again.

Sooooo…….how do I eliminate these triggers? Can I ever really rid him of these demons? And will they even be the same in two days when the fourth day comes again?

The therapy he received has helped. Some. When he begins to get upset on the first three days he will slap his ears (not part of the therapy I am sure especially since this is a tic he's had for years) and when I think he realizes that he then gets his shoes and goes for a walk. He won't share what was discussed "in group" but I am guessing this is a new coping skill he has learned. It worked out really well for our neighbor's dog we were keeping until yesterday, because while he was here he took him.

Very tired from so many walks….

The contract, when people actually follow it, has helped. He wants his stuff. He wants it so much he does bathe and brush his teeth and make his bed and not call us names and complain all morning to get it and keep it for the day. Most days he is even okay giving it back although he does let me know how he really shouldn't have to do that. If someone would just remember to take. it. back.

The little kids start school next Tuesday. They feel like they missed out on a lot of their summer. I do not blame them. I want a do-over as well. Jacob doesn't' go back until the next week. I really, really do wish it were the other way around. That is mean, I know, but he wants to go back to school too. He likes this new school and he feels good there. He doesn't have behavior issues at school. I want him to go back because I want the peace, but also peace for him. It's his happy place.

We still haven't fully discussed the residential treatment facility. I think we are in a phase where by not mentioning it, we don't have to face it, but I think eventually we will. Yes, things are a little better and I am hoping they get even better once school is in session, but that fourth day is still hell. As long as the fourth day is still here, we will have to talk about it.

Monday, August 04, 2014

So the insurance quit paying for the outpatient program. I am not surprised. Oh my could I complain about how much we are paying for said insurance and how others I know get it completely for free while they don't work, but I digress. How is that going to help things?

Not happy. Enough said.

Anyway, Jacob was booted from the program last Monday. We had to have a meeting where they recommended a residential treatment facility for him. I was like, okay sure, and then they informed me that it would be a three to nine month program and our out of pocket would be about $20,000.

Um, no thanks?

Again. Not happy. Enough said.

We saw his regular psychiatrist that same day and she disagreed that he was bipolar. People who are bipolar cannot turn it on and off. Jacob can. We are still with the same meds, just increased by 5 mg. each. They had to order them, so I don't know if this helps yet.

The said we shouldn't tell Jacob about her recommendations, if we decide to take him there, just to go there. My husband agreed.

I did not so the next day when he started his craziness I showed him the admittance slip and calmly explained to him that this would be our next step. His eyes were opened wide. Literally.

Since then, things have gone pretty well. Oh, we still have our issues, but they are closer to that of normal siblings/families so I can deal with this. When he starts to get out of control, I just remind him of that paper and things calm right down. He is following his contract for his game and, in fact, just came down to let me smell his hair. He has been clean for a week now.

How I Got Here

All my life I thought I'd be the perfect mother. I even majored in it. I aced all the child development classes I took toward my degree in, wait for it, Early Childhood Development and Elementary Education.
And then they were born. First Jacob, who is 8, then Adam, who is 4, and our biggest surprise, Elizabeth who is 2.
As much as I really wanted to be, I am finding out I am no June Cleaver. For starters, The Beav never had a baby sister.