Sara R Wardhttps://poetsandsaints.com
Poets and Saints BlogTue, 20 Feb 2018 18:57:44 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.561316538Finding Your Happy Place: The First Step to a Wholehearted Life of Balance and Joyhttps://poetsandsaints.com/finding-your-happy-place/
https://poetsandsaints.com/finding-your-happy-place/#commentsWed, 24 Jan 2018 20:48:20 +0000https://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3656In Bob Goff’s book, Love Does, he mentions his fabulous mobile office on Tom Sawyer’s island at Disneyland. When I read about his outside-the-box location, I said to my husband, “I wish I could have an office at Disneyland!” Instead of rolling his eyes at my outrageous suggestion, he replied, “Well you can’t have an […] Read more...

When I read about his outside-the-box location, I said to my husband, “I wish I could have an office at Disneyland!”

Instead of rolling his eyes at my outrageous suggestion, he replied, “Well you can’t have an office at Disney, but is there somewhere else you could go?”

Instead of looking at all the reasons why I couldn’t have an incredible place to work and write, he helped me ask some pivotal questions:

Where could I go that would be refreshing to me mentally?

What place could help balance the winter blahs with lots of sunshine? (Because driving to Florida on a Tuesday isn’t going to happen.)

Where is an inspiring place right outside my door?

His question made me realize:

Just because we can’t change our surroundings doesn’t mean we should give up.

Let me tell you, nobody will kick you off the couch for your mental health, but if you feel unbalanced in some area, you need to find help that sets things right again.

Inertia is the enemy of making change. Because sometimes it’s just easier not to do anything, than to change things at all.

Thus began my quest for an inspiring place to get away and write or think or dream.

I found it here:

The Botanical Gardens.

I use this as my occasional mobile office, writing space, and mental health break.

It’s bliss on a frigid ten-degree day.

For me, it’s a place I can pray. Write. Reflect. All the things an introvert needs to feel balanced and whole again.

I call it my happy place.

Why You Need to Find Your Happy Place

In Luke 5:16 the Bible says, that Jesus would “withdraw to desolate places and pray.”

Different translations call this place a “wilderness,” “desert,” and a “lonely” place.

Jesus also withdrew to other places to pray including a mountain (Matthew 14:23) and a solitary place (Mark 1:35).

When the Bible says that Jesus withdrew to a desolate place, I often wonder what that might have looked like. Was this place beautiful? Did it help refresh him?

Although we can’t answer that question directly, the verses seem to indicate some similarities:

That he withdrew there. (In other words, he didn’t stay home.)

That he prayed.

That it was outdoors.

I think there is something significant that happens when I place myself in God’s creation. Suddenly I’m more aware of the overwhelming beauty of His creation, and something in me is set right again.

This is what I call my happy place. (Because a “desolate” spot just doesn’t have the same ring.)

Obviously your happy place can be anywhere, but I prefer a quiet spot outdoors.

Side Note: My house is not a quiet place. Most days, my home is a lively, loud, bustling place. Though I love being home and with my family, it seems like someone or some task is always vying for my attention. It’s a hard place to pray or to be alone.

But in the sun-starved wintertime, it’s hard to sit outside on zero degree day and enjoy the cold.

So the Botanical Gardens is a place for me to experience God’s creation; in essence; it’s my happy place

Finding a place that recalibrates my soul is one step in finding balance and wholeness in my personal life.

My Word for the Year

Every year I choose a word to focus on for the year. You can see some of my past words here and here.

After several weeks of thinking about what my focus should be for this year, I chose wholehearted.

Why?

Because I want to be wholeheartedly in love with Jesus.

Because I want to live a wholehearted life that’s balanced in four areas:

1. Spiritual

2. Mental

3. Physical

4. Relational*

We all make choices about our health. For me, it’s so easy to focus on just physical health. But I’ve realized that mental, spiritual, and relational health need just as much of a workout.

Wholehearted living is about maintaining balance in all areas as I pursue a life lived for Him.

It’s about managing those overwhelming emotions (stress, grief, anger, pick your poison) in a healthy way. It’s about healing from grief and past difficulties and seeking a life aligned with Christ.

It’s about becoming more aware of the areas that are unbalanced, instead of rushing through my days.

Life Balance = good health in all these areas, not just one area.

Finding my happy place has been good for me mentally and spiritually.

I challenge you to find a place of rest for your soul.

A place to pray and heal.

A place to recalibrate from the pressures of the day.

Once you find it, you’ll make space in your day for it.

You won’t envy someone who has an office at Disneyland.

You’ll have your very own happy place.

____________________________________________________________________
*Thanks to Pastor Dennis Miller for teaching about these four areas that need to be in balance.

]]>https://poetsandsaints.com/finding-your-happy-place/feed/43656The One Thing You Can’t Forget to Do at Christmashttps://poetsandsaints.com/one-thing-you-cant-forget-at-christmas/
https://poetsandsaints.com/one-thing-you-cant-forget-at-christmas/#respondTue, 19 Dec 2017 20:04:43 +0000https://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3647So here’s the thing about Christmas. I know these are special days. My little boy is walking now and as he toddles (and stumbles) towards the front door, he’s on a mission to gaze in delight at our neighbor’s blinking lights. Want to capture wonder? Watch a toddler at Christmas. Everyday is a wonderland. But I’m […] Read more...

I know these are special days. My little boy is walking now and as he toddles (and stumbles) towards the front door, he’s on a mission to gaze in delight at our neighbor’s blinking lights.

Want to capture wonder? Watch a toddler at Christmas. Everyday is a wonderland.

But I’m keenly aware, in the midst of all this excitement, that there are those who are hurting this Christmas, those who’d rather skip Christmas than celebrate it, who feel overwhelmed with sadness, no matter how many cookies they consume.

I can’t forget what it was like to spend my first Christmas without my son. And I know there are thousands out there who will spend their first, or even second, or third Christmas without their child, their spouse, or parent.

For those that grieve, the day will be tinged around the edges with sadness, a blue stain that covers everything—every gift opened, every cookie eaten, every carol sang.

You just can’t get the stain out. It gives every celebration a tinge of sadness.

For the rest of us, our Christmas goes on as normal. But this doesn’t give us an excuse to ignore those who grieve among us.

Although we can’t take away their pain, the one thing we can do is not forget them this Christmas.

I think that means a lot of different things to different people. It might mean inviting Harry over for dinner or making sure Sally has someone to sit with at church.

Sometimes it’s just writing an extra note in your christmas card. One that says, “I know this is a difficult Christmas. I haven’t forgotten how much Jimmy meant. I’m praying extra hard for you.”

There’s something about being remembered that way. Maybe it’s because we realize that we’re not alone in this, even though it sometimes feels that way.

Maybe it’s because God gave us the gift of relationships and part of that purpose is not to carry the burden of life and death by ourselves.

But I haven’t forgotten those who will struggle through the day, who wish that things could have turned out differently.

Like the mama who won’t hold her child this christmas. Who is separated by distance or a broken relationship, or death. The one who will spend the day thinking of the life that could have been. The one where her child was there, Christmas morning, by her side.

I haven’t forgotten the man or woman who won’t be celebrating christmas with their spouse. Who will look at all the couples sitting in church on Christmas Eve and wonder why they are alone. Who will try to paste on a smile for the kids, while their heart is breaking underneath.

I haven’t forgotten the caregivers who are helping their sick loved one, who will not spend the day celebrating, but will spend it in a hospital room, in hospice, or at home, surrounded by medical equipment and pills.

There are many more I haven’t listed who will spend Christmas alone for one reason or another. Here’s what I want you to know:

I’ve been thinking of you for weeks. My heart breaks with yours. You are not forgotten this Christmas.

My prayer is that your heart is comforted by the One who also knew sadness and joy—Jesus, the baby, who was born for us.

]]>https://poetsandsaints.com/one-thing-you-cant-forget-at-christmas/feed/03647How to Cope with Child Loss: Part 2https://poetsandsaints.com/how-to-cope-child-loss-2/
https://poetsandsaints.com/how-to-cope-child-loss-2/#commentsThu, 02 Nov 2017 17:46:39 +0000http://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3568How to Cope with Child Loss: Part 2 You can read part one here. You’re feeling tired, unmotivated, unable to cope with the small stresses of life. Sound familiar? You’re probably dealing with the side effects of grief. These aren’t the ones we normally associate with mourning, like tears or sorrow. But they are still […] Read more...

How to Cope with Child Loss: Part 2

You’re feeling tired, unmotivated, unable to cope with the small stresses of life.

Sound familiar?

You’re probably dealing with the side effects of grief. These aren’t the ones we normally associate with mourning, like tears or sorrow. But they are still part of the grieving process.

To deal with grief, here are some ways to cope and begin on the healing journey:

1.Balance your busyness

It’s easy to take on too much in grief and avoid pain. If you do this, the pain will just reemerge when you have free time to think about it.

Then an unhealthy cycle will begin.

It looks like this:

You seek busyness, because when you’re busy and distracted, you’re less likely to think about grief.

During less busy times, when your mind has time to process the grief, you are suddenly blown away by how heavy it feels.

Grief causes pain, so you look for things to distract yourself.

In essence, busyness becomes a drug that numbs the pain.

You cycle through this over and over.

Although it’s okay to have some activities to look forward to (because isolation can be a problem too), be sure to have unscheduled time in your calendar to process the grief.

During the first year of grief, I made sure to build in plenty of time to process. I took walks, I wrote, I talked to friends. When I felt ready, I slowly started back into activities I wanted to do.

I was not working at the time, because my son needed 24 hour care and I was his primary caregiver. I realize now that not having the pressure to go back to work was a huge blessing for me. (Although I’ve heard from others that the distraction of work can be good too, as long as it is not too overwhelming.)

I went to grief groups. I talked to friends. I made sure not to overcommit or become too isolated. Although there is no perfect balance (grief is still hard, no matter how “balanced” life is), giving yourself time to grieve is essential.

2. Recognize that anniversaries and birthdays can be hard.

Significant dates, like the anniversary of the day your child passed away, will often trigger grief.

The discussion leader in my grief group told us that grieving people will often feel something is off the week before a significant anniversary or date. They will feel a heavier weight, more moody, irritable, or just “not right.”

Anticipating these feelings helps the whole family weather the grief bursts.

Another way to get through a significant date is to remember your child in a special way.

If you have a gravestone, find ways to decorate it. I’ve seen children’s gravestones decorated with movie themes, stuffed animals, and kid-friendly seasonal decor. (Check with the cemetery for rules before leaving objects.)

Writing letters to your loved one can be a therapeutic way to process your grief.

Some people will also donate to a charity, raise money through a race or fundraiser, or find another way to honor their loved one through a gift.

3. Be kind to yourself.

Grief is tough. You’ll go through a every kind of emotion, sometimes on the same day. You may not be able to function normally for months or even years. Sleepless nights, excessive tiredness, no appetite, lack of motivation–all these are part of your body’s reaction to grief.

The best thing to do is give yourself time and space to grieve.

Need some help? Here are ways to start:

Adequate exercise or a brisk walk. There is a lot of evidence for how exercise affects mental health, depression and more.

Nutrition and regular meals. It’s amazing how you forget to eat when you’re grieving. Or you eat a bag of Cheetos instead of a real meal. Over time, the poor nutrition will take a toll on your health, so at least try to get a well-rounded meal regularly.

Sleep. This one is hard. Poor sleep is normal when you are grieving, but if it persists over a long period of time, check with your doctor or a counselor. Exhaustion can keep you from feeling or acting like yourself.

Self care. This means different things for different people. For women it might be a day at the spa, a massage or a special outing. It means doing something to take care of you.

]]>https://poetsandsaints.com/how-to-cope-child-loss-2/feed/13568How to Cope with Losing a Child: Three Ways to Begin the Healing Processhttps://poetsandsaints.com/how-to-cope-with-child-loss/
https://poetsandsaints.com/how-to-cope-with-child-loss/#commentsThu, 26 Oct 2017 19:23:43 +0000http://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3563How to Cope with Child Loss (Part 1) Losing a child may be the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. I know, because I lost my son just shy of his third birthday from a rare disease called Leigh’s Disease. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Initially everyone sends their sympathies, but […] Read more...

How to Cope with Child Loss (Part 1)

Losing a child may be the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. I know, because I lost my son just shy of his third birthday from a rare disease called Leigh’s Disease.

It was the worst thing I have ever experienced.

Initially everyone sends their sympathies, but as time goes by, people expect that you’ll move on from the pain even when you’re still grieving.

Friends avoid bringing up the subject, afraid they’ll cause more tears. Family may encourage you to “get over it” (WHAT?!) and enjoy the children you already have.

Sometimes it seems like no one understands child loss, except those who have been through it.

So how do you cope with the grief?

Here are a few ways to start the healing journey:

1. Don’t rush the healing process.

By forcing yourself to “feel better” instead of feel the pain, you’ll often just delay the inevitable: dealing with your grief. I’ve known people who avoided their sorrow and found themselves struggling with unresolved grief years later.

So here’s my advice to save you from therapy twenty years later: Let yourself feel the sorrow. Take time to grieve.

This is horribly hard and horribly necessary.

There will be days you’d rather escape from the pain, instead of face it head-on. But believe me, if you let yourself face the grief, it eventually leads to healing.

2. Find meaningful support.

You can’t go through this alone. Don’t even try.

If you think you can handle a great loss by yourself, please listen to me now and believe me later: You can’t do this on your own.

Grief groups and counselors are your shoulder to cry on. Please don’t think that they are your last resort. Instead, consider them your first resource.

Even if you only try it once, you’ll likely find some gem of help. Maybe it’s the only safe place you can share your feelings or a chance to connect with others going through similar pain. Either way, these groups and professionals are typically experienced dealing with grief. They can be a listening ear or a sounding board for your feelings.

Support groups provide a safe place for you and your family to talk about grief, such as those led by the Center for Grieving Children. Grief groups for families and children can be found nationwide through the National Alliance for Grieving Children.

3. Evaluate who is helpful (and who is not).

Friends and family can be invaluable sources of support.

But let me be honest here: only you can judge whether their help is actually helpful.

Listen, we love our family and friends. I’ve known some people who are incredibly supportive and comforting. These people are gems a thousand times over.

But too many times, there is one well-intentioned friend or family member who offers grief advice that is simply terrible. Often, they mean well.

But if their advice makes you feel worse instead of better, search out an acquaintance who has walked a similar road.

A side note: You can still have a wonderful relationship with friends and family who don’t personally understand your grief. Just know they won’t be the best source of your comfort in this season.

Accept that and forgive their faults. We have all been that well-intentioned person at least once in our lives. When the tables are turned and they are grieving a huge loss, you will provide the comfort they were unable to give earlier.

]]>https://poetsandsaints.com/how-to-cope-with-child-loss/feed/13563Change is Bittersweethttps://poetsandsaints.com/change-is-bittersweet/
https://poetsandsaints.com/change-is-bittersweet/#respondThu, 21 Sep 2017 17:10:33 +0000http://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3526Currently my office is smack dab in the middle of the living room. Life revolves around my desk, quite literally. It hasn’t always been that way. About 3 weeks ago, my desk was in a tiny bedroom at the end of our second floor hallway. It was one of the few places I had peace […] Read more...

It hasn’t always been that way. About 3 weeks ago, my desk was in a tiny bedroom at the end of our second floor hallway. It was one of the few places I had peace and quiet, but all that ended when my eight-month-old son kicked me out.

He needed his own bedroom where he couldn’t see us hiding under the covers, trying our best to look like lumps, so he would go back to sleep.

The time had come for the big move, and that meant I no longer had an office. At least, not until Sam finished the room in the basement that is destined to be an office. Until then, my desk is in the center of a three-ring circus called the living room.

It’s both conveniently located and painfully loud. It makes me miss my serene second floor office, but it’s more than that.

I miss the special connection I had to Silas in that room. It was his space before it was mine. When he died, we closed the door, unable to use the room for 6 months. It had become the-place-that-no-one-wanted-to-visit because it reminded us of Silas, and that felt like more than we could bear.

That’s when the decision was made: it would become my writing room. We boxed up and donated the last of the baby things with tears. We painted the walls baby blue and hung silky blue curtains.

It looked like a new space, but remarkably, it made me feel a connection to the son I lost. From where I sat at my new desk, I looked out the window at a towering tree, the same tree Silas saw from his bed. Four windows bathed his room with sunlight, the same light that surrounded my son when he lay immobile in his bed.

For four and a half years, I’ve sat and written tens of thousands of words in that room. Some of those words were part of my private grief journal. Some were for my public blog. All were part of my healing journey.

But now the time had come to change the room again. It would become my second son’s room, and another chapter would begin.

Sometimes we give up what we can no longer keep. Sometimes new babies make a place in our hearts beside the babies we lost.

One son doesn’t take the place of another—that is not how it works. The space in my heart is big enough for all my people—family, friends, babies—each person taking up his own place, but one never replacing another.

But moving my office felt symbolic, like leaving behind memories I didn’t want to fade. I would no longer sit and write where my son lay. I would no longer feel the warmth of sunshine on my face when I sat at my desk, the same sunshine that enveloped his helpless body.

Now my desk is gone and in its place sits a dresser with a changing table and a crib in the corner.

I rock my second son in that room, near the windows where Silas once lay.

These memories will form a new chapter in our family story. Change is bittersweet, but this one is born out of love.

]]>https://poetsandsaints.com/change-is-bittersweet/feed/03526Ruth Chou Simons’ New Book GraceLaced: A Visual Journey with an Inspiring Messagehttps://poetsandsaints.com/ruth-chou-simons-new-book-gracelaced/
https://poetsandsaints.com/ruth-chou-simons-new-book-gracelaced/#commentsWed, 30 Aug 2017 19:46:03 +0000http://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3506GraceLaced Book Review Over the last year, I have been a big instafan of Ruth Chou Simons. It’s not just because she’s a fellow mama, trying to keep up with her laundry while expressing her faith through words and paintings on Instagram. It’s not just because she’s raising (and homeschooling!) six mancubs (boys) while running […] Read more...

GraceLaced Book Review

It’s not just because she’s a fellow mama, trying to keep up with her laundry while expressing her faith through words and paintings on Instagram.

It’s not just because she’s raising (and homeschooling!) six mancubs (boys) while running her blog and selling her artwork.

It’s because she loves Jesus and expresses it so well through the mediums of art and writing.

Ruth Chou Simons is an artist, author, entrepreneur. She is “most interested in how the gospel intersects her daily life, and longs to see beauty and truth together in any creative medium.”

You see her love for Jesus in the daily things: the way she writes about her husband and kids with tenderness and truth. The way her paintings incorporate the glorious creation of God,

The way her words speak truth about how marriage and motherhood are sanctifying. Both make us more like Jesus if we let the hard parts shape us into something more like Christ.

I was thrilled to get an early release copy of her new devotional book called GraceLaced: Discovering Timeless Truths Through Seasons of the Heart. This book is described as a “visual journey through God’s faithful promises” and the pages are loaded with Ruth’s scripture-inspired paintings, something unique to this devotional. The 32 meditations are divided into four seasons, a perfect fit given the artist’s focus on God’s creation, and each meditation is around two pages long.

As she wrote and painted her way through the creation of this book, she discovered how God’s grace is interwoven in her daily life:

“I wrote this book while sowing and growing through my own changing season’s of storms, losses, looking, waiting and persevering. We don’t have to have the same circumstances to recognize how the grace of God is laced and woven in and through each page of your story and mine. The pages…serve only to direct your gaze to Christ, the giver of all-sufficient grace for our lives.”

At the beginning of the book, she establishes four “R’s” to finding God’s grace through the season of our hearts.

“It begins with resting in who He is

It builds by rehearsing the truth He says about you

It blossoms as we respond in faith to those truths

It is sustained by remembering his provision.”

This book is beautiful; both the artwork and the words will inspire readers to find God’s grace laced and interwoven through their own lives.

And so the invitation and welcome is yours: to come as broken, hopeless, and burdened….and find peace for your soul.”

]]>https://poetsandsaints.com/ruth-chou-simons-new-book-gracelaced/feed/23506Finishing What We Startedhttps://poetsandsaints.com/finishing-what-we-started/
https://poetsandsaints.com/finishing-what-we-started/#respondWed, 23 Aug 2017 19:49:11 +0000http://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3491 Learning How to Finish the Important Things in Life I was into knitting, once. Actually I was into the idea of knitting, which is entirely a different thing, but nevertheless, I signed up for class where I was supposed to learn how to knit a pair of fingerless mittens. After attending a few brief […] Read more...

Learning How to Finish the Important Things in Life

I was into knitting, once. Actually I was into the idea of knitting, which is entirely a different thing, but nevertheless, I signed up for class where I was supposed to learn how to knit a pair of fingerless mittens.

After attending a few brief knitting classes and doing some basic knitting practice, we were given some vague instructions on how to knit a mitten and then sent home with a barely-started project. I wrestled with the needles and yarn, and soon found myself stumped.

I went back into the knitting shop and asked for help.

“Could someone help me figure out how to do the thumb?” A lady sat down and took my half-finished mitten and looked it over. Then she began to work the needles this way and that, and a thumb emerged, like magic. I looked on dumbfounded. It looked so easy and yet so impossibly out of my knitting league.

She then handed me the mitten, and told me I could take it home and finish it on my own.

As it turns out, I had no idea what I was doing. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I still had an entire second mitten to knit.

I debated going back to the store, but I felt stupid asking for more help, so I put the mitten away, hoping to finish it some other time.

Some other time meaning, never.

Recently I was cleaning out the basement when I found a bag stuffed inside a box. I opened it and inside was the unfinished mitten. I cringed seeing the beautiful blue yarn wasted on a project I never completed.

Unfortunately, my life is full of these unfinished projects.

writing projects I never completed

fabric for shirts I never sewed

DIY house projects I never started

beads for jewelry I never made

We all have things in life we planned on getting around to “someday,” but it’s a painful reminder when we realize that we never will complete these things without being intentional (and maybe, getting more help).

But these unfinished projects pale in comparison to the bigger, more important unfinished things of life. I don’t mean mittens or DIY house projects.

These are things we leave undone relationally, and they eventually come back to haunt us when that relationship is broken in some way.

These include:

Gentle words I did not say that might have mended wounds

People I failed to invest in relationally

Apologies I never made and the grudges that resulted

Words I failed to say before loved ones died

So many of my own regrets are wrapped up in the unfinished things of life.

Now I use that mitten as a reminder, a visual form of accountability, reminding me that life is too short not to finish what you start, whether in relationships or other important things.

Life Lessons on How to Finish the Important Things

Here is how I use this lesson so I leave less of the important relational things undone.

Lesson 1: Take the time to say I love you and I’m sorry.

My husband Sam performed a wedding this weekend where he reminded the couple that the most important words they’ll say are “I love you” and “I’m sorry.” He said to put those two phrases on repeat, because they’ll say them often, especially the “I’m sorry” one.

Lesson 2: Hug your kids or spouse even when they don’t want a hug.

This includes when you’re tired, when they’re annoying you and when they’re hangry, snarky or crying. You will not feel like hugging and neither will they, but a touch mends many wounds.

Lesson 3: If you’re in grief, write down those words you didn’t have the chance to say.

If you’ve lost someone and you feel regret over what was left unsaid, then sit down and write a letter. There’s no way to send it, but you will feel a lot better having said it to yourself. Sometimes closure to a conversation is what we need to continue on our grief journey.

As it turns out, I almost trashed the mitten. Then I reconsidered. After all, this was a good reminder about what happens when things are left undone.

Relationships, friendships, personal goals–this mitten reminds me not to leave things unfinished if I can help it.

I’m owning this failure and in doing so, I’m learning to finish what I’ve started.

]]>https://poetsandsaints.com/finishing-what-we-started/feed/03491What My Husband’s Cancer Diagnosis Taught Mehttps://poetsandsaints.com/cancer-diagnosis-taught-me/
https://poetsandsaints.com/cancer-diagnosis-taught-me/#respondWed, 02 Aug 2017 16:44:24 +0000http://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3485My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer in 2005. Although it’s been over ten years, I still remember that moment when we received the life-changing words, “It’s cancer.” The doctor told us the disease had spread and the test results looked grim. I held back the tears as the doctor said my husband would […] Read more...

]]>My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer in 2005. Although it’s been over ten years, I still remember that moment when we received the life-changing words, “It’s cancer.”

The doctor told us the disease had spread and the test results looked grim. I held back the tears as the doctor said my husband would receive the most chemotherapy that a person could endure in order to save his life.

No matter how spiritually prepared you are to hear those words, nothing prepares you for total brokenness.

In those moments, all we have is Christ. Not our own strength. Not the strength or wisdom of others. But Christ alone.

Just a few weeks before his cancer diagnosis, I listened to a song that used the words from Isaiah 53:5:

By his wounds we are healed.

Now our lives seemed broken beyond repair. Where was God in the midst of our brokenness?

Over the next few months, as my husband endured three surgeries and an intense chemotherapy schedule, I clung to God’s promises.

I reminded myself that this devastating diagnosis was not God’s rejection of me, but an invitation to draw into a deeper relationship with Him.

My fear had caused me to doubt God’s love and goodness, but I was conquering that doubt by immersing myself in His promises.

I began writing scripture on small cards and posting them around my house so that his words would be on my mind throughout the day. I looked at these cards when I got ready in the morning. They caught my eye as I walked past them in the evening. Time in God’s word became more than another checkmark on my to-do list, it was saturating my entire day.

Although my future looked uncertain, I held onto the promise that God would not leave me. These verses spoke to me when I felt abandoned and alone. And through them, God called me into the safety of His love.

In Joel 2:13, God extends an invitation to come to Him in sorrow.

“Don’t just tear your clothes to show how sad you are. Let your hearts be broken. Return to the Lord your God. He is gracious. He is tender and kind. He is slow to get angry. He is full of love. He won’t bring his judgment. He won’t destroy you. Return to the Lord your God.” (NIRV)

Return to me is His message, His invitation of trusting him through our most fearful moments.

Return to me is a call to us in our brokenness, inviting us to life change in the midst of darkness.

No need to tear our clothes. No need for a physical display of desperation. He wants our internal brokenness. He wants our fearful hearts. He wants our sorrow in admitting we can’t walk this path alone. He does not turn away from us in our need.

Through my husband’s cancer, I not only gained a stronger faith in Him, I also developed a deeper trust through all circumstances.

Return to me is not only the message for those far from God, but for any time we are in the midst of fear or doubt.

Returnto Me is an invitation for grace, a call to fall on our knees, remembering His mercies new and His love that never fails.

]]>https://poetsandsaints.com/cancer-diagnosis-taught-me/feed/03485Why I Writehttps://poetsandsaints.com/why-i-write/
https://poetsandsaints.com/why-i-write/#respondWed, 28 Jun 2017 18:54:59 +0000http://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3474Sometimes it’s the obvious questions that need answered the most, because those are the ones that shape your life. What are you passionate about? Why do you do it (or not do it)? Should you be doing it? For me, the question is Why do you write? You may think that’s an easy one to answer. I enjoy […] Read more...

]]>Sometimes it’s the obvious questions that need answered the most, because those are the ones that shape your life.

What are you passionate about?

Why do you do it (or not do it)?

Should you be doing it?

For me, the question is Why do you write?

You may think that’s an easy one to answer. I enjoy it, right?

I do enjoy it, but I wouldn’t write, especially not publicly, if I only enjoyed it.

When I start to explain why I spend time doing something that does not yield me anything of worldly value, it might seem ridiculous, really.

But there are truths I keep coming back to about why I do it. These reasons are why I continue even if there are few listening.

I am a big believer that artists should be painting, and creatives should be creating, and actors should be acting, whether it nets them any pay or not.

If it’s the passion he’s created in you and it’s for the glory of God, then we should be practicing and living it.

Reasons why I write

1. During this season of life of raising a family, I’ve found writing and ministering from home is a good melding of time, ability, and calling.

2. Extending myself in multiple ministries outside the home is not a good fit right now.

Family is where my focus/time/energy is and writing meshes well into this season—I can do it any time or place, and remarkably the internet makes it all possible to do from home.

But like all creative passions, I need boundaries that allow me to do my most important callings: namely, loving God and the people he has placed in my life—my husband and children, and those I minister to in my community and church. If I fail to do those things well, then I’ve failed my higher calling.

3. When I started this blog, I felt called to write to those who experienced a great loss since I lost a child. Grief draws people together in a unique way, where suffering and compassion come together to create community.

Though our losses are different, we’re comforted knowing we are not alone.

Over time this calling to write began to extend to other things as well, including marriage, parenting, adoption and spiritual growth. It is deeply satisfying to serve others and hope that the fruit of this ministry results in spiritual growth and hope in Christ.

Writing is way for me to process what God is teaching me through all of life—both the trials and joys.

4. I write as a discipline and as a way to sharpen my craft.

Some days it takes a great deal of willpower, especially when nothing in my life seems particularly worth capturing on paper or in pictures.

Writing is a spiritual discipline. God is ever present and so are his lessons in my life, so this practice is a way for me to listen and look for God in the daily, while being open to what the Spirit is teaching me.

Some days this is easy to do; other days it feels like a struggle. This is why it is a discipline.

5. I love trying to see life through a hope-filled lens of Christ and find his promises and truth through all of life, even the really hard days. Writing challenges me to do this.

Truth is, some days I’m just ministering to myself.

Writing helps me make sense of things. For some people, art does this. Others do photography or music.

Don’t discount these passions. There may be a reason you are drawn to them. They may give you joy or insight, draw you closer to God or even be a form of free therapy.

If you truly love something, you will find a way to do it. Don’t wait for when you’ll have more time. There’s no guarantee of tomorrow. All we’re given is today.

+++

About my photos: I take my own photography, but am not a professional. I enjoy photography as a spiritual exercise, capturing God’s beauty in the everyday.

I share these photos, not so you think that my life is always beautiful (it’s not—most days it doesn’t look photo worthy), but because I want these photos to inspire you to draw towards your Creator and to look for His beauty in your life.

When I start to look for God’s hand in the ordinary, it’s amazing how much beauty is in the world.

]]>https://poetsandsaints.com/why-i-write/feed/03474What Travel Teaches Ushttps://poetsandsaints.com/what-travel-teaches-us/
https://poetsandsaints.com/what-travel-teaches-us/#commentsWed, 21 Jun 2017 20:13:48 +0000http://poetsandsaints.com/?p=3461When Silas was alive, we stopped traveling. We didn’t fully realize it; it just slowly became more difficult to travel around the country hauling a trunk full of medical equipment and a child who was very broken. His body revolted against the rigors of travel–his seizures increased on trips, which made him more lethargic, and […] Read more...

We didn’t fully realize it; it just slowly became more difficult to travel around the country hauling a trunk full of medical equipment and a child who was very broken. His body revolted against the rigors of travel–his seizures increased on trips, which made him more lethargic, and put us more on edge.

What if we couldn’t get the seizures stopped? What if we needed to get to a mitochondrial specialist quickly?

We hauled our worry around like luggage, all too heavy to carry ourselves.

After he died, we realized that travel, once again, was possible. Though we missed Silas’ quiet companionship on our journeys, we knew we could not stop living.

Traveling is a way for me to experience God, to stand in awe and wonder of His beauty, to realize my insignificance against His magnificence.

It’s not that awe and wonder can’t be experienced in the backyard, but sometimes it takes getting out of my ordinary existence to remove the planks from my eyes.

A few years ago, we shifted our travel priorities to places where God’s creation was on full display. We got lost in mountains and woods. We roamed for miles. We saw the stars again.

This year’s trip to the Grand Canyon has been almost two years in the making. Though we could have waited until a more convenient time, like when our kids were grown, or when we were retired or had more freedom or money, I will tell you what I’ve learned from life:

I don’t wait anymore.

I don’t wait until I have the time or am in the right season of life. I don’t wait, because there’s never a guarantee that those things will fall into place.

Sometimes you can wait and wait, and never find the time.

I can give you a list of friends for whom life did not turn out like expected.

They would tell you, Don’t wait.

They would say, Go now.Travel teaches me that there is still so much to learn about the Creator and myself.

God was here before the rivers cut through the massive stones, before the plates pushed into each other and the landscape rose up, layer upon layer, towering thousands of feet above the seas. The landscape in this place, both beautiful and terrifying, is the ultimate lesson in seeing my frailty contrasted against His strength.

When I think I’m in control, one small hike up the canyon shows me my weakness. My legs ache, my breathing labors, I can hardly climb the path ahead.

When you feel very small and the world around you towers frighteningly high, there is a God who knows your struggle and will not let you fall from His hand. Sometimes our journey takes us through rough terrain, where there is only scorching sun and a steep, rocky climb.

We wonder if we can go on. We wonder: Where is God?

This is where we cling to faith, to the rock that is higher and trust that He will not let our feet slip.

“He will not let your foot slip– he who watches over you will not slumber.” (Ps. 121:3)

It is not the easy journeys that strengthen us, but the hard ones–the rocky paths that almost kill us, but somehow, miraculously, we survive by God’s grace.

We come to a place in our faith where we look over the canyon walls, see the imposing landscape, but do not fear what lies ahead.

Because what lies ahead is what He holds securely in his hands.

He created the majestic and terrifying beauty of this place. If He created it, then He is in complete authority over it.

In our hard journeys, may we look around and see His complete power over everything.May we not fear the towering cliffs or the unknown difficulties ahead.

In the midst of terrifying beauty, may we find complete peace.

May we revel in his glorious creation and see a glimpse of his overwhelming power.

When we see a glimpse, may we live in awe and wonder that the God who created all this, loves us and will see us through.

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Is. 40:31