All of these responses are non-productive. Some of them are actually
destructive. This is why learning to manage conflict is so important.

Effect on Work Relationships

The workplace is a system of relationships. Relationships have many
different aspects; here are several examples:

Trust

Teamwork

Quality

Morale

Self-esteem

Loyalty

Respect for boss

When conflicts are handled well, there’s a positive effect on work
relationships. When they are not, these factors can deteriorate.
Productivity and the free expression of ideas are also impacted.

Factors That Affect How People Manage Conflict

The skills involved in managing conflict are learned behaviors. None of
us is born knowing how to deal with differences of opinion, arguments,
or turf wars. Some of the factors that affect how we behave in the face
of conflict are:

Status: People in higher-status
positions usually feel freer to engage in conflict and
are less likely to avoid confrontation.

Company style or unwritten rules: Some
companies encourage conflict; others have unwritten
rules that it is to be contained or avoided.

Gender differences: Males are generally
encouraged to be more confrontational than females.

Behavior learned in families: In some
families, conflict and confrontation are a communication
style. In others, conflict always remains hidden.

Behavior learned from role models: People who
have had a teacher or boss who modeled effective
conflict-resolution skills are more likely to develop these
skills themselves.

Conflict Resolution Skills

No one is born knowing how to resolve conflicts. Conflict resolution is
a set of skills that anyone can learn. Let’s look at two important ones:
active listening and conflict de-escalation skills.

Active Listening

Active listening is a valuable skill for resolving conflicts because it
enables you to demonstrate that you understand what another person is
saying and how he or she is feeling about it. Active listening means
restating, in your own words, what the other person has said.
Active listening is a way of checking whether your understanding is
correct. It also demonstrates that you are listening and that you are
interested and concerned. These all help resolve a situation when there
are conflicting points of view.
Active listening responses have two components: (1) naming the feeling
that the other person is conveying, and (2) stating the reason for the
feeling.
Here are some examples of active-listening statements:

“Sounds like you’re upset about what happened at work.”

“You’re annoyed by my lateness, aren’t you?”

“You sound really stumped about how to solve this
problem.”

“It makes you angry when you find errors on Joe’s
paperwork.”

“Sounds like you’re really worried about Wendy.”

“I get the feeling you’re awfully busy right now.”

Actively listening is not the same as agreement. It is a way of
demonstrating that you intend to hear and understand another’s point of
view.

Benefits of Active Listening

If a person uses active listening as part of his or her communication
style at work, how would that be good for resolving conflicts, i.e.,
what are the benefits?

It feels good when another person makes an effort to
understand what you are thinking and feeling. It creates
good feelings about the other person and makes you feel
better about yourself.

Responding with active listening has a calming effect in an
emotional situation.

Conflict De-escalation

Everyone has been in an argument that has escalated. Before you know it,
it’s blown out of proportion. Let’s think for a moment about some
actions that will help you deescalate a conflict. In your experience,
what actions put a stop to the defend/attack spiral?

Stick with “I” statements; avoid “you” statements.

Avoid name-calling and put-downs (“a reasonable person
could see that…”).

Soften your tone.

Take a time-out (“Let’s take a break and cool down”).

Acknowledge the other person’s point of view (agreement
is not necessary).

Conflict Prevention Skills

Now that we’ve talked about how to resolve a conflict, let’s look at how
to prevent conflicts from happening. Here are a few ideas:

Bring issues out in the open before they become
problems.

Be aware of triggers and respond to them when you notice
them.

Have a process for resolving conflicts. Bring it up at a
meeting and get agreement on what people should do in
cases of differing viewpoints.

Teach everyone conflict-resolution skills and expect people to
use them.

FIRSTCALL Your Employee Assistance Program can help you to develop a
plan to improve communications skills in your workplace. Call your
account manager for a consultation or call 1.800.382.2377 for a free,
confidential appointment, in person or by telephone, with one of our
counselors.