The newest Houston OC: Your mom

It's like our granddad always said, "Call the touchdown play first, or lose to Texas State at home in Week 1." (AP)

Houston is auctioning off what it's calling the "Ultimate Spring Game Experience," which consists of reserved parking for the spring game, seats at the staff table for the pregame meal, facetime with Tony Levine, and then some light playcalling (emphasis added):

The winner and guest will then head out to Carl Lewis Field to pick up their two VIP field passes and take in pregame activities before meeting with Meacham and picking the first offensive play of the spring game. UHCougars.com recommends picking a touchdown.

We're not making assumptions about how all your mothers behaved at sporting events, but ours was the "RUN THE TOUCHDOWN PLAY" type, and she'd look awfully fetching in red and white.

Winning bidder must be a University of Houston fan and supporter and must dress and act accordingly and in a professional and courteous manner while participating in this experience.

Well, hell. Still, it's a good meditation to take into the weekend: Always call the touchdown play first.