Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts

Pornography Addiction - How to Set Boundaries - Part 1

What is a boundary? How can you develop effective boundary making? How do you communicate
them? Many women who are in relationships with men who have problems with porn face these
questions.

Simply stated, boundaries define who we are and what we stand for: our values, beliefs, standards.
Boundaries protect you from undesirable behavior; they also create a base for introducing behaviors
you want in your life. If you don't set boundaries you are giving him free license to do whatever he
wants. The first step in setting effective boundaries is to be still and ask yourself what you want and
need to have a happy, secure and fulfilling relationship. If it helps write these down.

Example:

I want to feel loved and cherished.

I want my husband to spend quality down time with the family on a consistent basis.

I want to know that my partner is not looking at porn.

I want a normal, mutually satisfying sex life.

The next piece of advice PAH can give you is to define whatactionable steps someone could take to make your wants a reality.You are not creating a 'must do' list for someone, rather you areputting together ideas for a future conversation. No one is a mindreader. What would each of your wants look like broken down?
Example:
I want to feel loved and cherished:

I would hear I Love You and Thank You every day.

I would have someone ask me how my day was, have themstop what they aredoing, make eye contact and really listenfor five-ten minutes without tryingto solve my problems forme. Just listen.

Every once in a while get a surprise - A note under my pillow.An email ortext message letting me know I am thought of. Aback rub. A foot massage. Asingle red rose.

This is somewhat of a fun exercise...until you get the third examplein the above list.What would it look like to you to know that your partner is notlooking at porn? What would this be in terms of actionable steps?
Example:
I want to know that my partner is not looking at porn.

Install some sort of online accountability software

Limit computer use at home - especially during my partner'sweakest times ofday (early AM before work, late at night)