HELP!!!! I was Adopted/just found birth family/Im in love with my cousin!

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I was adopted over 4 decades ago. From a European country! 1 year ago, ago after 15 years of searching I found my birthmother and siblings and some cousins!

Background, I am a Mormon woman who has been married 22 years to a great man (who did cheat on me twice but I really forgave.) we have a 20 year old son on a Mormon mission, and another 15 year old son at home.! We have a home and good family! I am NOT a polygamist!!!! Only one man!!! I love my faith and believe in it 1000%

But I have always had a sinking feeling that this man isn't for me. It started 4 days after getting married!

I dismissed it and moved on. Life has not sucked at all! Been great! Just felt like my life is missing something!

I planned a trip to visit my birth family a year from finding them! Then a cousin reached out to me on Facebook. We hit it off on Facebook as friends and cousins right away! We love the same countries and are passionate about one in particular and this is what initially sparked interest!

I met my cousin at his home with his family and wife 3 days after meeting my siblings! Unfortunately my birthmother died 2 months before I was able to meet her!

2 weeks later we would meet up and tour our favorite country with my adoptive mother. My cousin, adoptive mom and I drove all over England with him. Each day was so much fun. We found that we knew things about each other that we never told each other! We knew exactly how the other one felt. He had a dream with me in it and didn't even know it was me until he went to take a picture of me in the countryside and knew that is whom the woman was in the picture! ME! I have had dejavu with him and remembering dreams I had forgotten 25-30 years ago! He was in them and he was my LOVe in these dreams! Vivid and true!!!!

I remember one of the first impressions I had about him was "I know u from somewhere!"

We had no idea what this meant and didn't really know or discuss our feelings until we went to say goodbye and I gave him an inscribed book and he gave me a very old crusifix! The power that SHOT thru us made us both instantly sob like children!!!! We held each other close as my mother sat in the car waiting for us to part! We could stop crying for 10 minutes!!!!!

When we parted, he had to drive home and cross the English Channel from Dover to Calais France. And then onward another 6-8 hours!

He and I texted thru the day and it was agony! We felt like our hearts were ripped into two!

He barely could drive home and doesn't know how he got home but did about 2 am!

I was also in a cloud the whole day! I was in my favorite county in the world and here I am sightseeing with my mother and crying on and off the whole day!!!

We both talked that night and the next day my mother went home to the USA! My cousin and I kept asking ourselves "what happened? And why?" Although he loves his wife he is content like I am in my relationship....but he hasn't been truely happy! His wife offers no affection.

My husband and I have plenty of affection for each other but no time! And I have always felt a disconnect and haven't been able to foresee a future with him! Though I see a future with my sons!

So, after a few days my cousin offered to fly over for 24 hours so we could talk and try to figure out this whole thing!!!! Well that feeling we had just grew! And we came very very close to consemating our relationship because the feeling was so strong!!!! We stopped it and he left and I left to go back home a day later!

Now we are both home we have sooooooo many questions which thankfully the Internet has answered!!!!

But we thought we could just go on like we did before!

Food doesn't taste as good, sadness has set in.

Feed of failed relationships!

Fear of excommunication from adultry! Which we have both commuted. And adultry in our minds!

My parents do not know!

My sons don't know and my son on a mission doesn't know and he and I as sooo close I fear he will dispose my decision! And me)

My siblings do not know!

His wife does not know! My husband knows because I told him! He is hurt! Of course!

Now here's the catch!

My husband and I have decided that I should go to him and figure out if we are meant to be together! Because he wants me to be happy!

This is just crazy!

What's crazier? It's set up to happen! My cousin and I will be meeting early next year

We will talk and see what happens!

I am sooo scared! No one knows what I will be doing except 2 friends and my cousin and husband! I'm scared my siblings will hate me because they think my cousin ( whom they have never met is a snob and is a bad guy which I know none of those things to be true! It's all here say)

I am afraid my family and my husbands family will hate me! My children will hate me! I fear excommunication from my church!!

I fear only one big thing with my cousin....we are not the same religion and that is a deal breaker for me! Too many relationships fail!

I fear that second marriages have a higher failure rate! I don't want to be a failure but my cousin brings out the best in me!

I was so happy with him I lost 13 pounds and 10 inches! I was so happy I glowed! In pictures together u can see our love before we even knew we loved each other!

We have the same future dreams!

But he has fears of loosing his kids and divorce is more difficult! But this feeling won't go away! Yes it's only been 2 months but I have never EVER felt this way about a man!

Note my current husband is a beautiful man inside and out! So is my cousin! But looks wise they are polar opposite! They are both similar in personality only my cousin is more outgoing like me!

I need advice everyone! I'm over 40! This decision affects sooo many people! Is it worth it to make this choice to be together? Because I'm 90% I want this man! He makes me feel beautiful and powerful and strong! He has a love from a woman (me) that's stronger than he has ever had! With anyone! But between us we have 35 years of marriage and kids!!!!