Sure it’s wrong to abuse animals, unless you count Johnny Knoxville as an animal. But to equate “animal oppression” with slavery, as PETA does, constitutes a non sequitor: while each part of the argument can be true, the one doesn’t support the other. PETA’s side-by-side photos of lynched African-Americans and animal carcasses won’t convert many meat-eaters, but persuasion isn’t the only reason for a rhetorical argument. Moving the already-decided to action is another.

Figaro loves animals himself. Even as he writes, he has one lying painlessly on the Weber grill.