Thursday, January 19, 2006

Stay-At-Home Moms = Lucky

Tomorrow is my last day of babysitting. Predictably, I am starting to get sad. Stay at home mothers have no idea how nice they have it -it's the good life, pb & honey until the sun goes down! Tomorrow I go back to our double-wide on the west side. Shoveling The Chuchess' poo isn't fun as changing real baby diapers! No way!

I just had a very interesting conversation with Seth, whom was my partner in building an anemic snowman this very morning on the front lawn. Seth is 4 and has obvious trouble with his pronouns.

"Him not very tall, Conti. Him needs to be bigger." He said as I tried to get the most pathetic looking carrot I've ever laid mine eyes on to stick in the American football-shaped head.

Please Note: Making a snowman is a very detailed, involved activity. This author does not recommend it -especially those with heart conditions. While this author has no pre-existing heart conditions, she is a tad out of shape (Cliff Bars!) and it was also hard to roll and compact the snow in a fifty foot radius. Just buy a snowman at Big Lots. Good night and good luck.

Back to that conversation with Seth. He was asking questions about how I got involved with this family, especially how is it I look talk like his mother, but I don't look like her? 4 year olds don't understand that their mother was once as they are now. They choose to believe that mothers just pop out of toy boxes with string cheese and a sippy of orange juice. And I italicized the word "choose" because when I was a psychology major that is the school of thought I elected to put my weight behind. And this would be a perfect place to make a joke about my weight except right at this moment, I don't think there is anything funny about that. (Cliff Bars.)

So I am thinking, because mothers have it so nice, I will stay at home and be a mommy to Ralphy and Duchess. Besides, I was inspired this morning when I dropped by my house on the way to work to feed my dogs . My neighbor Lyle was out shoveling the walks. Lyle, if you'll recall, is the all-important-Duchess-cage-putter-backer. He asked why he hadn't seen our "female" roaming the neighborhood in the last week. I explained that we had to chain her up because we weren't home, and then I joked, "Why Lyle? Have you missed her?" To which he chuckled, looked embarrassed and mumbled something.

Lyle is the most hard-hearted man I have ever known as a neighbor.

But when I returned to my car, Lyle was there. "I have missed her..." he quietly confessed "...now... " clearing his throat, getting louder "have a good day at work!" and with that he slapped the car as if it were the rear end of a horse.

I should be at home permanently. I really should. Those dogs...need me. This such a crucial time in their lives. Gangs! Violence! Packs! Worms! Adultery!

Dear Esteemed Members of the Board,As a stay-at-home mom to my dogs I will commit to play fetch and eat lots of stuff like, applesauce and peanut-butter flavored fish snacks and read stories and sometimes the same story like twenty times in a row and watch Baby Einstein Babycrack and I could home school (except we'd have to hire a tutor for math -cause me teaching math aint the best idea!)

And another thing. I do not endorse blogging moms to write about children's poo or special parts. First of all, it's just not that entertaining. However, I see their point in doing so, it is a rather time-consuming, all-day activity.