Real Actual Listing Photos: Kendra Todd Edition

It’s time for another installment of Real Actual Listing Photos. Once a month (or so) I round up some of the most bizarre listing photos from around the Seattle area and post them here, with brief excerpts from the real actual listing description, and probably a bit of snarky commentary.

The idea for this series stems from the ongoing forum thread Detrimental Listing Photos, which is where you should post your nominations for next month’s Real Actual Listing Photos post.

The depressing irony of it all is that every last one of her dozens of listings are bank-owned homes (including the brand-new, fancy200WHighlandcondos). In other words, Kendra has figured out a way to create a business that thrives on the inevitable end result of millions of homebuyers believing the nonsense spewed by people like Kendra during the bubble.

Enough explanation. Let’s get to the photos! Click the photo to view the Real Actual Listing.

“Close to major highways, hospitals, and Allenmore Golf Club.”

Wait, is “close to hospitals” really a major feature people look for in a home? Yikes.

“This spacious one level condo has over 1,000 square feet and features Pergo style wood floors…”

Weirdest looking wood floors I’ve ever seen.

“Large bedrooms with lots of closet space.”

Apparently Kendra and I have different definitions of “lots of closet space.”

“The home has great curb appeal, an open floor plan…”

The floor plan isn’t the only thing that’s open… *rimshot*

“…home features original hardwood floors, original doors, archways and brick fireplace.”

About The Tim

Tim Ellis is the founder of Seattle Bubble. His background in engineering and computer / internet technology, a fondness of data-based analysis of problems, and an addiction to spreadsheets all influence his perspective on the Seattle-area real estate market.

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42 comments:

“Wait, is “close to hospitals” really a major feature people look for in a home? Yikes.”

If you work at one of them than yes it is a feature people look for. When my wife and I were looking that was a part deciding the location; she works in health care. Another reason might be if you have a chronic condition which requires regular care or are elderly and concerned about emergency response and accessibility.

I’m no Donald Trump fan, but I once heard him say “Anyone who doesn’t wash their car before trying to sell it is a loser.” He hit the nail on the head. Whether it’s cars, houses, boats, etc., it needs to be presentable to bring a buyer.

I suppose if you’re advertising for a condo in Belltown being close to a hospital could be good after you get beat up outside one of the bars walking home, or Rainier Valley after getting mugged. (Better??) But the link was to a condo in Bellevue so it didn’t seem appropriate. BTW I trash talk the two because my brother’s in a condo in Belltown and my uncle’s in the CD. No offense to those who call them home.

RE:Alex @ 8 – Kicking someone when they are down? Are you kidding me? Kendra’s got tons of business and is taking on high-profile listings like the expensive 200 W. Highland condos. How is she in any way “down” right now?

Each of these photos tells a story of someone losing their home, hopes and dreams. The listing photos are sad, not funny.

Since the properties are bank owned, the banks just want to get rid of them, and aren’t going to spend any $$ to make them sell faster. What is the point in even making fun of these photos? The listing agent doesn’t care, they don’t really try to sell the property, they just list them in bulk.

I didn’t get that you were trying to make fun of Kendra. I don’t even know who she is.

I thought you were taking a swipe at bank owned properties in general & those who bought during the bubble.

The depressing irony of it all is that every last one of her dozens of listings are bank-owned homes (including the brand-new, fancy200WHighlandcondos). In other words, Kendra has figured out a way to create a business that thrives on the inevitable end result of millions of homebuyers believing the nonsense spewed by people like Kendra during the bubble.

RE:Alex @ 11 – Alex, it can be depressing looking at bank owned homes, especially where it’s apparent an older person lived there, or that there were kids living in filth. The bank owned homes often tell a story, and none of them are good.

RE:Kary L. Krismer @ 16 – Good point Kary. I agree that misleading advertising is much worse than bad advertising.

As a side note, what is the deal with word “charmer”? Seems like I’ve seen a lot of listing lately that begin with “Ballard Charmer”, “Wallingford Charmer”, etc. Typically these homes have nothing even remotely charming about them, aside from the fact that they’re extremely small… but then again, maybe I’m just a cynic :)

Is there some sort of secret RE Agent vague-description-word book? Maybe they publish them in annual editions with new revised words to keep the market fresh… I’ve seen far fewer “cozy” listings lately. Hey Tim, feel like putting together a multi-year graph showing word usage trends?

Tim, does she know she is getting this much air time on The Bubble? Somebody tell her!! I used to like The Apprentice but after she won that season, the show went down the crapper and I haven’t watched since. Except the Joan River segment when she blasted Poker Players. Loved that one!! I always thought she was kinda hott too…Hmmm…. wonder if she likes bald headed Agents who give back 75%, eat at Claim Jumper, and CRAVES movies like Kick Ass?

Congratulations to Kendra! She built a market (persons buying houses imprudently) and she’s leveraged it into a secondary market (rational persons buying bank-owned houses prudently). She even gets loads of free advertising. Hooray!

The full poetic phrase would be ‘with the charm of yesteryear”. If you google the full phrase, that might shed some light on it for you.

Generally people who love and respect true pieces of history appreciate a home built near the turn of the century that has much of its original appearance. The kitchen, plumbing, electrical and heating systems can be updated to today’s standards, but certain original built ins, doors, hardware and even windows continue to reflect the “charm” introduced by the original ” craftsman” who built it. Here in Seattle they are referred to as “craftsman homes” for that reason.

I am from Philadelphia originally, where “charming” older homes are as highly valued as they are by some people here in Seattle. Rarely does anyone enjoy seeing these torn down and replaced by new homes. Not all “old” houses are “charming” and agents are often asked by home buyers for a home “with charm”.

you guys are way off. if I was buying that house I’d love those pictures. if I were a realtor I’d clean the place up a bit. I can bring down the price for what are largely cosmetic fixes. that’s how you get a bargain. I’d be more interested in what I can’t see.

what I do see is some painting needs to be done. I see(possibly) hardwood floors preserved under crappy carpet. worst case it might need sanding.

“Todd is currently being sued for fraud and breach of fiduciary duty in Florida. The damages Kendra must pay are currently being mediated…”

I love this:

“In her book (chapter 9, “A formula for making your first million”), Kendra wrote “If you follow the system Charles and I have laid out, you should be well on your way to making your first million within as little as two years” (page 211). All five of the properties listed in that chapter are now in foreclosure or have been foreclosed.[15][16][17][18][19]”

I think Kendra is a character from the real estate boom years. I went back to the Archives and did a little research for you to help get you up to speed.

Kendra made a lot of money selling soap in the years 2000 – 2007, by convincing people that her soap was magic soap, and if they used it, they would be rich and have lots of friends. Her soap was called “the emperor’s new soap.”

One of Kendra’s advertising slogans for her soap was “Bubbles are for Bathtubs.”

Almost everyone became desperate to get some of Kendra’s soap, because who doesn’t want to get rich and have lots of friends?

Soon, prices rose out of sight, and there wasn’t enough soap to go around.

Fortunately!, One day in 2005 a young man named The Tim appeared with his own brand of soap. I’ve never been able to ask his mother why she named her son The, but that is a story for another time.

Tim uses his soap to wash out the mouth of people like Kendra. Tim’s soap is called “schadenfreude naivete” – when you use Tim’s soap, you can feel smug and superior, all while forgetting your own foibles. It is the perfect antidote to Kendra’s soap.

Tim was able to sell his soap by convincing people that, by washing with the misery of others, people can become clean of the filthy lies Kendra told gullible people. Tim’s soap at first only appealed to people who never could afford Kendra’s soap, but gradually,

Tim’s soap gained in popularity, and by 2009 everyone wanted to a little bit of schadenfreude naivete.

However, with so much soap going into Puget Sound, now all the fish are dying off.

Tim had to get a real job with a large real estate brokerage company in order to be able to afford the house he’s always secretly wanted, but could never afford. It turns out, Tim gave his soap away for free, because who wants to pay someone to hear the truth?

Kendra had to go clean out the Augean stables, in order to be able to pay her lawyers, and because she never was a very smart person to begin with, she is able to ignore the ironic position she finds herself in.

And me? I am so stupid I used “kendra’s soap” more than once. I’m the idiot who cried wolf. Now that I really, really need to find a moderately priced home for my family, and I’ve got all my soap in a row, there aren’t any homes to be had.

RE:pfft @ 23 – Ah yes, spoken like someone who has never restored a home. Am I correct? From my experience – where there is smoke, there is fire. If the outside looks like crap, most likely the things you can’t see are also crap. Thy mythical ‘cosmetic-only’ fixer is a rare beast indeed.

RE:wreckingbull @ 34 – I would say if the exterior looks bad, there are probably a lot of problems, because the exterior protects the house from the outside world. But if it’s just the interior that looks bad, it could be just carpet and paint needed.

I’d also point out that you could have a place that looks perfect which has serious hidden problems.

Years of neglect, but not because of lack of funds. It reminds me of the Stimson-Green mansion in Seattle. Apparently toward the end of the lives of the Greens, they simply stopped opening the door to rooms that developed issues.

Then there are the crazy-buyers-only words: “sweat equity,” “awaits your vision,” “as-is.”

Ditto wreckingbull re visible condition: maintenance reflects an attitude — ongoing vigilance and effort to get out in front of problems. People who let one thing slide usually let other things slide too.

RE:Lurker @ 19 –
” Just needs a little TLC”= teardown. Just needs a little wrecking ball.
” loaded with potential”= Teardown.
“rustic”= Teardown. Beavers and rodents may be occupying large parts of the home
“cozy”= just barely large enough for one dwarf.

My investor client and I must have been living under rocks; we had no idea who Kendra Todd was. I think a cheap joke of what was Hefner’s ex-girlfriend’s last name was made. Yes, most banks won’t pay to fix anything but can’t the agent at least run a vacuum through the place? Or pull the battery from the beeping smoke detector? Or replace a critical lightbulb? Ever notice all the side view mirrors in pics of the front of REO listings? Ugh, don’t get me started.
Us snarky people need to stick together. I’ll be visiting here and lovelylisting at the LOLcats conglomerate to keep me laughing through this market. Thanks, The Tim, for the entertainment!