Preposterous Pondering.

So I am in it. I finished my first week of yoga teacher training and it has been exactly what I expected–it’s like grad school but adding in a tired, sore body (think armpits and behind the knee-caps soreness kind of tired), and then memorizing terms in foreign languages for positions, spiritual beliefs and body parts, and then trying to articulate out loud with words a feeling you have memorized in your body. Fucking complicated.

I do not have any idea how this connection came into my mind, but I really do feel as if there are a lot of parallels between the Goonies and myself and classmates in this process.

First, we’re underdogs. The first night of our training we each had to share our biggest fear about the training. Almost everyone had a fear that they would not be “enough” for their students–good enough, choosing the right poses, looking like a yoga teacher, and even being able to be in front of a large group with all eyes watching. I had no idea that most yoga teachers apparently feel this way. Yet we have banded together to do what feels like the impossible in the moment. Goonies.

Some days I feel like a living Truffle Shuffle on the mat. Some days my limbs are too long and heavy, or waaaay too short and there is nothing graceful about what I’m doing on that mat. In public, no less. I sweat like a hooker in church and pant like a dog in heat and I have to remind myself that at least I am there, working hard, and progress rarely looks pretty.

There will be a dead body. Seriously–the other night my instructor said she’s trying to arrange for us to see a cadaver as part of our anatomy section. Wasn’t. Expecting. That. The alternative is we might watch a video of a dissection happening, since there is apparently a shortage of cadavers for study right now. Yay? I am still processing this one.

Even though I was physically exhausted and mentally and spiritually overwhelmed, I had a moment where I realized I just walked into the cave with the pirate ship full of treasure to explore, and will most certainly come out of the experience to a very different life than when I entered, and I take solace in the fact that no matter how hard it gets, Goonies never die, and so neither will I.

actual phrases spoken to me (or my husband) by my children

Twinkle twinkle little Ellie. I'm a diamond!
Is a tampon like a coupon?
How floppy is your tummy?
I can't wait for my nipples to get bigger and bigger.
The secret ingredient is penis.
You're a cream of wheat.
I'm gonna break my heart for a minute and then give you some.
If I go to jail I'll be sad and cry all day long.
I'm a wild animal.
Red lights are making me craziness.
You guys are the baddest parents ever. (Note: She does not mean Michael Jackson "Bad.")
I'm a filthy monkey.
Make sure you downloaded a rainbow of unicorns.
I want to be an Elf so I can live with Santa.
I like boobs. They're interesting.
I'm playing a game that's too scary for you: it's called dead orphan.
Just look at all the rainbow colors if you want to be happy.
Everyone thinks I'm a teenager since I'm in my booster seat.
Mama, your body is warm and cozy.
[Referring to her ham] Is this real life?
Do you know why my hand is in my butt?
Can I pick something from her [sister's] nose?
Can I fart on my sister?
[On breastfeeding] Your boobs are chubby!
My brain is always on the naughty list.
Mama, you're a genius!
[In response to "what do you want to eat?"] I want to eat something beautiful that I like.
Alex Trevec is so handsome.
That pizza is wild!
America is a jambalaya.
Isn't pooping fun?
[About fireworks] They're magic! They're humongous!
I want to be a grown up. [Why?] So I can get married. [Who do you want to marry?] Myself.
Where's my whiskey?
I am really good at [computer] buttons. And also driving.
Daddy your peanut is yucky! (note: not referring to an actual peanut)
We are girls. ha ha!
It smells like poison!
You are beautiful
If I drink my juice slower, I will have an alien in my tummy.
I just fidget all day long.
Don't recipe me.
You are hurting my life.
Don't touch me. It's my life.
I am not your puppet.
The sky is falling.
I need my chapstick so I can drive better.
Close my window so the monkeys don't get me.
You're my best friend.
I want a baby sister.
I have a baby in my belly.
The monster is eating a taco.
I am freaking out.
[With diaper on head] "Cock-a-Doodle-Doo"
My poop is stuck in my butt.