Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Sexual Mores.

deTamble has been curious whether I love a ‘moaner’ during sex. You know, someone who cheers you on enthusiastically during the act, making it a total experience for the both of you. [Got you, sis]!

She asked first time, I dodged the question.

She is a persistent one, the lady. Asked me again, I ducked. Again, and I feinted. She became even more persistent, and I became more resolute. I would not tell her whether I liked the loudspeakers booming during the act, and the crescendo of the climax underlined with vocal drumbeats. She ended sulking away, not understanding why I am not able to answer such a question. Such a simple question, in a way.

I, on my part, am also highly amused. I think I do understand what is happening.

Cultural differences. I am an African man, who has been taught, growing up, that talking about sex just does not happen. Not in polite conversation at least.

Of course I did talk dirty with my mates. Expected, and hell, part of my ‘cover’.

And I have talked dirty with girls. Those that I was hoping to bed. It is like an unwritten rule. Just doesn’t happen, in polite conversation.

I think my society is very highly sexed. Extremely highly sexed. But there are certain things that are not talked about in ‘polite’ conversation. I am gay, and have made my sexuality a big ‘theme’ of my blogging. Of course I have shocked many with the openness. I was amused when 27th was teased by someone of having a crush on me. Mortifying to him, and he had decided not to continue that conversation till I teased him back. Yet he happens to be one of the more open ones, of the Ugandan bloggers. Princess dares not talk about it. [Ok, if you do, pray, post something about sex, as a dare]

Highly hypocritical, but a glaring fact.

During the debate on having the play ‘Vagina Monologues’ perfomed in Uganda, the liberal ladies were asked to say the word ‘vagina’ on radio. Most hesitated. It is the incomparable Miria Matembe who could dare talk about her ‘V’ and demand the right to talk about it. I remember one time that she was actually asked to translate it into her mother tongue. She did not dare say that on radio.

That sexual more seems to be quite strong. Ask most people when they first had sex, and they will point to their teens. In the village, it was traditional for a 17 year old man to have his own hut, separate from the family, ready for marriage. A 13 year old girl with budding breasts is taken as sexually mature. Yet the law in Uganda forbids sex below the age of 18.

The sexual hypocrisy has had some funny consequences.

If you listen to our media, you may be forgiven to think we are a pristine, sexless society, by some of the official positions. For example, the promotion of condoms only became legal about 5 years ago. And it is illegal to supply them in schools. Talking about safe sex in school is a nightmare. One is supposed to talk about the virtues of ‘abstinence’ and ‘being faithful’ in marriage. Condoms are not supposed to be talked about. And they are actively de-campaigned, because teaching teenagers about them will make them promiscuous.

The play ‘Vagina Monologues’ was banned, official campaigns for HIV prevention based on abstinence, with Abstinence rallies, promotion of virginity, and something called ‘secondary virginity’ are the in thing. The cultural silence about sex is replaced by the nightmarish ‘no sex’ promotion. Sex is simply a bad thing which is not discussed in polite conversation. Better to talk about how holy ‘no sex’ is, than to talk about hitting the summit with drums roaring, of multiple climaxes, not in polite conversation!

Oh, of course one is not supposed to talk about homosexuality, or homosexual sex, but to condemn it. Was it Queen Victoria who asked what lesbians do in bed? Most Ugandans think that homosexuality is about sex. Sex and only sex.

Someone asked me on this blog, very politely, whether all gay men were as ‘passionate’. I was laughing to myself as I answered that. Surely all men are passionate? Guess I am (mis)-representing African gay men as very open about sex and sexual matters.

Guess I am open. Cant help it. Just have to be, after breaking some of the ‘absolutes’ of my growing up!But I still cant help being what I am, an African man.

So, do I love a ‘moaner’ in bed?

Seriously sis, told you that I am gay. Not hoping to bed you. Not interested. And it still seems creepy for me to tell you about what does happen in my bed with my, err, lover. I bet you do love a moaner, don’t you deT? I am a prude, missionary style only!

@GUG: You got me! You got me good! :-) You should be a South Park writer. Who you calling 'lady'? Lady suggests an adult and don't goddamn age me!! Child! See, chiiiiiild! Not no fucking lady!!! There's no need to prematurely age me!!! *sulks*

Of course 27th has a crush on you! :P Who doesn't? He's just like you, likes to skip over things, ignoring apparently makes things go away...

Coochie Snorcher!

We have a first sex-ed class here when we are about 9, some think it should be a little earlier because by that age most of the kids know more than what the teachers are allowed to say.

What in the world is 'secondary virginity'????

"hitting the summit with drums roaring, of multiple climaxes," LOL I'm not trying to bed you!! It was just a question! Calm the fuck down hippie! Just cause someone asks a sex related question doesn't automatically mean they want you.

Have just been reading through the comments, and laughing my head off. Thank god I was not drinking anything!

Anon, you are welcome! Girlish trivia? Oh well, guess you haven’t understood what the post was about. Will try harder!

DeT, yeah, gotcha. Told you I would get you lady, ohhhhhhh, girl! And I have, huh?What is a South Park Writer? Hope it is a compliment.Of course I know you are not trying to bed me! I will leave that to Hunk. By the way, did I or did I not see that post? Were you were getting all moony about him?‘Secondary Virginity’? Well, you have to be a Ugandan to really understand this. Those who have fallen into the sin of sex once, have the opportunity for redemption by abstinence and claiming their virginity. [Some of my kuchu friends claim they are virgins after 24 hours without sex. That is NOT what I mean!!!]

WildeY, gay African sex? Gosh, why does it score so low for you? Me a prude but it scores at least 50 out of 10. At least. The sexual hypocrisy here is unbelievable. I mean that, literally. We are very highly sexed, but it is taboo to talk about sex. Contradictions, and you have to be Ugandan to understand what that means. I know, Africans are highly sexed. It is in Uganda that we seem not to be able to talk about it in ‘official circles’. So, people talk about sex like it is a sin, and no sex a virtue. Masturbation is a sin-[ me I masturbate and have sex with my partner, all the time. Seems to be the way to do things…] But I cannot mention that out loud. Oh, the blog does not count!

I like DeT, she says exactly what is on her mind. I want to be just like her when I grow up. And I like what she has said to ANON here.

That said, I have a small book Titled, 30 Second Marriage. In it they ask little kids and teens what they think about marriage and sex. If u read it, u'll understand why they need to pull the sex-ed classes a bit lower. I mean, kids of 5 know something about kissing opposites.

But Lol on Matembe being asked to translate the V word into her language...It's very wierd how I also can't say Vagina. Yet I can say Dick.

GUG, SOuth Park is a cartoon-comic etc series. It's is the best thing since The Flintstones, only these guys are cruel and they take a swipe and bigger fish.

second(-ary) virginity= had penetrative sex before but undergoing a cleansing period (voluntarily or involuntarily) where they take ages with no sex (save for cyber or phone sex). This can be because

a) They are away from their partner.b) They choose to abstain for a particular amount of time because they listen to all these anti HIV/AIDS adverts and campaings.Orc) They are going thru a rough spell. No man/woman in their lives and therefore there is no chance of ""hitting the summit with drums roaring, of multiple climaxes," in the near future.

@Wilde: LOL! Try doing that with a soft drink next time! Those bubbles hurt! Am yet to try African sex, maybe I should go call Simon The Sudanese, he lives only around the corner from me.

@GUG: Yes, what is prude missionary style'? Enlighten us!

In my world South Park Writer is a compliment. :-) I wouldn't say moony exactly, more like shocked!

I know how to say Kuchu now, I asked, it's just like Pikachu! :-D Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!

How do you fit 200 Pikachus on a bus? Pokemon! HAHAHAHA. Sorry.

*jaw drops, eyes pop out of head!* "[ me I masturbate and have sex with my partner, all the time. Seems to be the way to do things…]" I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT! And you say you are a prude. Pffft! Prudes do not say that!

@Cheri and GUG: Yes, I'm younger but because she was totally complimenting me I'll graciously let the age thing slide! Because Cheri is awesome!!

5...yeah...you don't wanna know what I was up to at 5. Let's just say there was a caravan and an Eastern European boy named Eric involved :-D

I guess GUG is a prude, at times. I dunno, he seems to swing between the two with distracting irregularity. Not like Wilde, who is always around for a healthy highly sexed opinion!

Secondary Virginity, ouch, I can't even work out when I lost my first virginity let alone time to get a second one...

African girl talking about sex! And Cheri isn't a tart, so Ugandans can talk about sex and thanks for explaining.

I'll begin by saying this is the first post of yours I haven't read completely.I hesitated at the title.Read a few lines and jumped to the comments.And the comments?I pretty much glazed over those...*averted innocent eyes.

This may appear prudish, but yes, maybe I am-the conservative, afraid, good old African 19-year old virgin.Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll run away now and not return till things are a little safer!

THis is to your "Sexual mores" blog, i was unable to post my comment there i wonder why? my oh my, havent you caused quite a stir! very kind of you to accomodate my curiousity. the passion of which i spoke is that reflected in your writings about your life. yes, it may be a character perk on your part or perhaps mine is a life so jaded that i find yours 'passionate'. and one more thing, it was not sex to which i refered. to deTamble: my plight does not will me to leave my name (i see ur feathers were ruffled by the other Anon. over there) so purposes of 'almost-regonition' i shall sign off as "SATIN" May 7, 2008 6:22 PM

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