Bro-Country godfather Luke Bryan is getting ready to give birth to his latest recorded monstrosity called What Makes You Country in a day or two, and in a recent feature in New York Times Magazine aiming to prove to us all what a good ol’ average Joe country boy he is, some pretty mirthful revelations emerged.

Luke Bryan Likes His Arms to “Glisten” in Concert

Yes, we already knew that Luke loves to wear the tightest jeans on the planet, and that his teeth have been so mechanically bleached, they’re whiter than the wind-driven snow. But apparently Luke and his image consultations also prefer glistening arms when he takes the stage? Yes, I guess this is a thing.

His stylist, Cheryl, presents him with the evening’s outfit, almost always some variation on a solid-color V-neck, baseball cap and jeans. She rubs his arms with moisturizer until they glisten. Finally he throws on his cowboy boots, which he secures tightly to his ankles with tape. He needs the extra protection when, in his words, he’s “in the heat of the battle up there.”

Ah hahaha hah haha!

And Luke tapes his ankles to his boots? Like a defensive lineman for the Dallas Cowboys or something? The hell?

Luke Bryan Wants to Have Coffee with Sturgill Simpson

The New York Times’ Will Stephenson says,

I asked Bryan about Sturgill Simpson, who won this year’s Grammy for best country album (Bryan has never been nominated) and has been an outspoken opponent of the Nashville establishment. Did it frustrate him that critics often focused their attentions on artists whose fans actively dislike most contemporary country? Bryan shrugged. “I’ve wanted to go have coffee with Sturgill,” he said. “I am utterly amazed at what he does.”

Sturgill Simpson Does NOT Want to Have Coffee with Luke Bryan

The New York Times’ Will Stephenson says,

I asked Simpson to comment for this article, and he responded quickly by email: “I don’t know Luke, I don’t think about Luke, and I honestly never heard a single note of his music.”

lol. Burn.

They Don’t Want You To Think at a Luke Bryan Concert

Though it’s certainly a worthy concept that the human brain needs to unplug in moments, bragging about the lack of brain stimulus in one’s concert experience seems, I don’t know, a little Idiocracy-ish.

Luke Bryan songwriter Jeff Stevens says,

They’re just here for pure fun. I personally feel that purely fun music is cathartic. It’s like being a goddamn doctor. And it’s important. I’m not saying that it’s not important to have a message—a message is great. But people love to not think in today’s world.

Yeah, isn’t that kind of the problem, not enough thinkin’ going around? But If I found myself at a Luke Bryan concert, I probably wouldn’t want to think either.

Now you hit the ground running in Tokyo
From Kawasaki to Ebisu
Yokosuka, Yokohama, and Shinjuku
Shibuya, Ropongi, and Harajuku
Aw, from Pusan and Ko Chang, Pattaya to Phuket
From Singapore to Kuala Lumpur
Seen damn near the whole damn world
From the inside of a bar

That’s bullshit, you love stirring shit up and getting into piss wars with people on here. Personally, I enjoy the fallout as well. When ol honk leave a comment, I always get a chuckle out of the reactions.

Isn’t it sad how many celebrities think it is acceptable to parade around in whorish dress acting half their age? I saw a picture of Gwen Stefani at the Macy’s Day parade and apparently she thinks she’s still in her early 20’s. A washed-up, menopausal empty skirt making a fool of herself.

Really you were there? I actually was there for the taping for her Macy’s spot. And she is bloody gorgeous. With those legs she can wear whatever she wants. Sweet. Funny. Nice to us. What did Marlene Dietrich say “it’s not the age, but the legs”. And RD those are some legs. But I digress. Trig was writing about Lukes NYT article. What the real question is-how the hell did he get that??

Y’all leave sexy Luke alone! It’s obvious y’all are just jealous that when he’s 80 years old he’s gonna have the arms of a 40 year old! And don’t be mad just because he’s preserving his ankles so he can keep up those epic gyrations well into his 60s. Haters!

All the millions of LB fans who want to rub his…arms…with moisturizer now. Or tape his ankles…or help him with his boots. Oh the possibilities lol.
Looks like he needs any kind of help & publicity to sell his new album.

Boom…let’s not forget Shane McAnallys current puppet Walker Hayes will release his album too.

Shane is probably the most frustrating figure in mainstream country. Ashley Monroe’s Two Weeks Late is one of the best pieces of music I’ve heard in my lifetime. Follow Your Arrow, Merry Go Round, Drinkin’ Problem, and Neon are also all great songs. However, Walker Hayes and Sam Hunt have produced some of the shittiest songs to ever be heard, and Shane had a part in them. Guess he’s only as good as whoever he works with.

So this article in the NYT Mag both pokes fun at Bryan and makes a lot of fun of his rube fans, but behind it all is a deep and so-called “progressive” hostility to what SCM stands for. Its author, Will Stephenson, “is a contributor to The Oxford American and The Fader. He lives in New York.” And I bet he graduated from a theory-driven graduate program in “(something) Studies.”

I like the red meat funny reviews of dogshit music by trigger, cause they are funny. but most of us here haven’t listened to the radio in over a decade. I sure haven’t. And most of our kids aren’t gonna know what cable tv even is. What SCM will serve as is a curator. Which is important. Very important. Lot of content, and no one guiding us through it. We need some guidance, and this asshat, trigger, seems to be decent at it. Kudos.

Yep. To me, that response was douchier than what I had just read about Luke Bryan. Luke Bryan has been popular for ten years. You’ll hear Luke Bryan at the grocery store or while flipping through channels on the radio. There’s no way to believe that he hasn’t heard a note of a Luke Bryan song.

Disagree. For Sturgill, he thinks getting together for coffee with Luke would be the kiss of death and kill his credibility. For Luke, he thinks getting together with Sturgill would HELP his credibility.

Luke needs Sturgill more than Sturgill needs him.

Sturgill knows that.

His response could’ve been different. Like, “I don’t have any Madagascar Cinnamon.”

It wouldn’t, but he thinks it would. Sturgiall sure seems to have a lot invested in this idea of himself as a complete outsider.

Luke trades on his “country cred”. He needs it or he’d be just another Rhett Fauxridge disposable whatever. Hanging with Sturgill gives him “outlaw cred” (sic) for the credulous audience. Thing is, Sturgill doesn’t *want* any part of Luke’s audience. Stiff-arming Luke is good for Sturgill’s game.

This is some silly shit, isn’t it. They should both lose the chip on the shoulder and the lotion on the arms and work on writing always-better songs. Enough of this stupid circus act.

I don’t know. I’ve heard of Nickelback for a long time, but don’t know their music at all. I stopped being a regular rock radio listener sometime in the 90’s. I know they’re hated by many. However, I couldn’t name a single song that they do. I couldn’t even hum any part of any song they’ve done if my life depended on it. I have a vague memory of seeing some snippet of a live show on VH1, but I can’t remember what it sounded like. Maybe I’ve heard them in passing other times, but didn’t know it was them.

I couldn’t name a single Luke Bryan song if it weren’t reading about him here (that’s not a knock on trigger…I enjoy these types of articles). Not saying I am some sort of super country badass who doesn’t even get touched by mainstream pop “country”……..it’s just the simple truth. Maybe I have heard it at the grocery store or something, and same with Sturgill, BUT I wouldn’t be able to tell you it was Luke Bryan. It is entirely likely that Sturgill was being honest to the best of his knowledge with that response.

I am pretty sure I have not heard a Luke Bryan song. At least not one I was aware off. Unless he did Country Girl Shake It For Me song, which I heard at a gay club amidst house music and techno if that says anything about how non country it was.

However the only place I want to see that face is on a blow up punching clown though.

I guess Sturgill sees benefit in starting a celebrity beef. That was a mine the reporter put there for him to step on and he obligingly stepped on it. Sensible thing to do when asked for a comment would have been to say “I don’t have a comment.”

Was some neat school playground shit-stirring by the reporter there, though. I guess that’s his job, to get celebrities bitching about each other so he has more to write about.

Interesting. I have to admit I liked “Rain is a Good Thing”, and when I saw Luke’s videos for “I Don’t Want This Night to End” and “Drunk on You”, I was intrigued. But since then, other than a couple songs, I’ve pretty much been un-intrigued.

While I don’t mind not having to think occasionally, I prefer my music, and yes, that includes my music at concerts, to have 90% meat and 10% or less fill, not the other way around. But he obviously has enough fans who like more fill than meat – kinda like my father with crab cakes, go figure – so good for him.

While I usually don’t immediately turn Luke’s songs off if they come on the radio, I also don’t seek them out. Something tells me I’m not going to be too impressed by his idea of “What Makes You Country.”

pretty sure the tape is actually because his pants are so tight he can’t get the boots under them otherwise. I’ve actually wondered before how those guys pull that off. As a woman, even my bootcut jeans barely fit boots underneath them anymore.

LOL ….Steph I was wondering that myself until I found out that many boot makers make half ankle boots now with a 4 inch hole where your foot goes in to wear with tapered jeans etc….Not for skinny skinny ones though.

It’s funny how fast his songs fly up the charts too. Kinda like, okay, get up there, let’s get this over with so we can stop playing this piece of crap. Still, he laughs all the way to the bank, im sure, but clearly he needs money for moisturizer.

“His stylist, Cheryl, presents him with the evening’s outfit, almost always some variation on a solid-color V-neck, baseball cap and jeans. She rubs his arms with moisturizer until they glisten. Finally he throws on his cowboy boots, which he secures tightly to his ankles with tape. He needs the extra protection when, in his words, he’s “in the heat of the battle up there.”

That’s a good ole country boy for you. Riding, roping, and moisturizing.

I find this so unfortunate that Luke has gone so far down this hole, because he isn’t a bad songwriter or musician, and he has a great range and voice – he just keeps putting out crap and more crap. If he would knock off the bad music and this image thing, he could be a legitimate guy. But he ruins it himself.

It’s because Luke Bryan is the least self-aware of all the country bros. The guy is truly dumb as dirt. His label must love it! They can do whatever they want with him. They’re the potter and he’s the clay.

None of this should be surprising coming from a douchebag who at the age of 37 came out with a record called “Spring Break, Here to Party.” The guy is a huge douchebag. His music makes me want to stab my eardrums out with a rusty butter knife.

But otherwise, his first release was relatively traditional, with lots of fiddle and mandolin; Bryan now calls it “country as cornbread” and says it’s slightly embarrassing for him to listen to.

I read that and was left flabbergasted. I mean, it’s not like were taking about something on the level of Red Headed Stranger, but for him to seemingly say that he’s embarrassed by it because it was so country is just really sad. It’s like, if you’re ashamed of country music, why call your music that?

I don’t find his first album embarrassing at all. Tackle Box is a fantastic song, and although it is cliche checklist as all get out, We Rode in Trucks is a good song. There are actually quite a few likeable songs on his first two albums. He should be embarrassed as hell over nearly three-fourths of Tailgates and Tanlines, and most of his output since then, excluding To the Moon and Back, Fast, and Huntin’, Fishin’, and Lovin’ Everyday. With the exception of those three songs, What Makes You Country, Most People are Good, and the few halfway decent songs on Tailgates and Tanlines, he should be absolutely embarrassed for what he’s become: the immature ass-wiggling assclown prancing about onstage in skinny jeans with chicks half his age.

I’m going this direction….I can’t stand either one these idiots. but, if I had to choose which one to have a drink with, it would probably Luke. most of his music sucks, but he at least seems like a nice guy. I can’t say that about Sturgill.

Actually, Ballgame, here’s how the world goes. People that have no goddamn clue love to speak. They speak a lot. And they think the absence of speaking is a problem. They like to hear their words. It feels good to them. And then, some reporter takes those words, and throws those words in front of someone with a goddamn clue. And what happens is the guy with a goddamn clue has no interest. So, Ballgame, the guys you follow are probably very talkative. They are probably awesome. They likely seek virtue, and most likely portray virtue. They may even tweet to show their virtue, Ballgame. But they are idiots. And yes, Sturgill is an asshole, but he’s our asshole, Ballgame.

We are dealing with the press here. Anyone who’s ever been misquoted or had his quote taken the wrong way will tell you that they do this stuff all the time. He’s just saying he doesn’t know him, really, lighten up, people. And don’t we make fun of Luke on this site?

If I had a chance to sit down and chew the fat with him, I’d say “Sturgill, you’re obsessing about purpose and responsibility too much. Focus on writing good songs that matter to you. That other stuff will become clear only in retrospect.”

I agree Luke seems like a nice guy whether you like his music or not. Sturgill may have a Grammy which is nice but Luke s net worth is like 50 million. Money sure isn’t every thing but I would take the money over the Grammy. Still a funny article though.

I literally could not stop laughing. Luke is such a doofus. That first part regarding his “glistening arms”? Holy crap. And I nearly died laughing over Sturgill’s response. There may be a few good artists left in the mainstream country world, but, boy, Luke Bryan sure ain’t one of them.

Do Luke & Blake have the same PR team? BS did a NY Times article once he started The Voice to introduce him to people outside the genre & now here comes Luke using the same playbook before American Idol starts. It’s so depressing that these 2 represent country to so many not in the know. Yuck no wonder POP stars are breaking country records.

Now there’s also a new video from the Opry channel on Youtube called Luke Byan influenced by Alan Jackson. I instantly rolled my eyes when I saw that title. Wake me up when he records a song anywhere near as good as “Between The Devil And Me,” “I’ll Try,” “Livin’ On Love,” “Here In The Real World,” “Tonight I Climbed The Wall,” “So You Don’t Have To Love Me Anymore,” and countless others. Right now, the only thing they have in common is that they’re both from Georgia, lol.

Luke Bryan is giving the people what they want, sad as it is to say. He certainly seems like a nice enough guy, if a bit of a doofus.

I’m a huge SS fan but good lord he’s loosing touch with the ground beneath him. He’s got a fucking grammy, it’s time to be a grown up and drop the beat-up-mistreated-little-rebel act. He is a legitimate star, he has the recognition he earned. Stop being a dick.

I actually don’t mind Luke. He’s got some good songs and some bad ones. The current single is obviously horrific but I downloaded the album today. I haven’t had time to listen to it as a whole yet. He’s still more part of the problem than the solution………….I’ll give it a listen soon. He still ain’t FGL, Rhett, or god forbid Hunt no matter what ya’ll say.

At least his album cover is attempting to be country if nothing else is. I listened to it and about half the songs are actually decent. Some sound like his second album (which I actually really like.) but then you have the atrocious hip hop beats that suck the country out of the other half of the songs. That’s not WHAT MAKES YOU COUNTRY. If you’re gonna try to listen to it, “Most People are Good”, “Land of a million songs”, “Pick it up”, and “What makes you country” are probably the easiest songs to listen to (that won’t piss you off of course). There’s a few throwaway tracks, but it’s Luke Bryan, there’s always throwaway tracks. He didn’t sell out as bad as Chris Young or Keith Urban though.

On a side note, I think he slips off the stage cause he slips on the excess oil that’s dripping off his “glistening arms”. Just a thought.

His stylist, Cheryl, presents him with the evening’s outfit, almost always some variation on a solid-color V-neck, baseball cap and jeans. She rubs his arms with moisturizer until they glisten. Finally he throws on his cowboy boots, which he secures tightly to his ankles with tape. He needs the extra protection when, in his words, he’s “in the heat of the battle up there.”

LOL, when I read that I couldn’t help but think of the movie Best Little Whorehouse In Texas, in that scene where Dom Deluise was getting ready to go on TV and stuffed a sock down his pants. “Like a Jimmy Dean sausage”

All music sales are going down due to the increased popularity of streaming music. People have subscriptions to spotify , amazon ect and no longer buy music. They stream it for free on their subscription service. Country music fans were one of the few that still buy albums but that’s changing. Few exceptions to this trend of low sales like Taylor Swift is one.

If an artist does have bigger sales anymore it’s usually because they have a deal selling concert tickets to a big tour that includes a purchase of their new album. Buy the tickets and than redeem their new album. Increased sales. Worked for Kenny Chesney this year but you have to be a big time music artist that sells out large venues.

I don’t know why Luke even agreed to this interview with NYT. The NYT and Rolling Stone clearly are not fans of Luke. They love the new “hipster ” country music trend as they want those hipster fans to subscribe to their publications. It seems like they want to say that type of country music isnt “cool”. I find it dismissive and condescending and a rather elitist attitude. They did not give him a very good review of his album. The reason I do post here at SCM is to give another perspective to country music. Really like Luke but not so much this album. It’s OK. Love Blake s new album. Its good. Chris s new music is OK. Have never been nor will ever be a Miranda fan. Tototally overrated is that one by the music critics and fans.