U-571 (2000)

U-571 is your standard sub movie-- a bunch of cramped scenes with a
bunch of square-jawed sailors, all running back and forth, aft to
stern, frantically turning every knob, lever, and grimy-looking
switch in sight. (There's lots of yelling, too.) Pings, charges,
evasive maneuvers; every cliche in the operation manual is here,
right down to the requisite diving-deeper-than-the-depth-gauge-in-
dicates-is-safe sequence. Yawn. With better dialogue it might be
a better trip; instead, early scenes feature Bill Paxton's Captain
Combover droning on about why he isn't promoting Matthew McConaug-
hey's Executive Officer. (That the two actors appear half-asleep
in said scenes suggest that they, too, know that the script is more
bilge water than ballast.) Writer/director Jonathan Mostow, whose
first film was the fine BREAKDOWN, misses the boat on this one--
ha! -- because he relegates the best plot twist to the last *third*
of the film. When the scrappy American crew finds themselves at
the helm of a German boat and without a clue what to do, *that*
should be the meat of the movie. *Those* are the most dependably
suspenseful moments in the entire movie and, thus, the most deserv-
ing of screen time. Mostow messes by instead including too many
extraneous scenes, starting with an unnecessary Ratzi-sub-in-peril
opening sequence. Why start with such an irrelevant bang? Espec-
ially when the story is barely sympathetic to the enemy? What a
waste. And how about that backlot-looking Portsmouth Naval Base?
Or so-and-so's bludgeoning (and, in select theaters, defeaning)
orchestral score? Save your money and rent DAS BOOT... With Har-
vey Keitel and, of all people, rock star Jon Bon Jovi. (Rated
"PG-13"/110 min.)
Grade: C-
Copyright 2000 Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros