Monday, April 27, 2009

I Don't Know Why

I can't explain why I am so emotional lately. The smallest of things either get under my skin or they touch me so deeply I easily come to tears. I heard this OMD song on the radio just a while ago, and for one short moment, I was carried away. It had been ages since I've heard it, even still, the connection was instantaneous. Struck a chord with me, I guess you could say.

I suppose one reason I've been so touchy is because I'm about to turn 40. But, it's not really that simple... but rather everything that comes along with changing that first number...

Am I where I should be in life at this point?

Am I really doing what I want to do with my life?

Am I ever going to get that surprise Corvette for my birthday?

I just told Joe the other day that my life is as good as it has ever been, and it's true. I've lived through some awful messes and would rather stick pencils in my eyes than to have to relive them... but for some reason, right now, nothing seems good enough.

No, it's never OK to feel out of sorts with things, but it certainly is normal.

Society at large has chosen 40 to be the age of the mid-life crisis with men questioning career success, facing sexual decline, eventual mortality. Gay culture has chosen 30 as the end of desirability, physical beauty, and the onset of sexual decline. As a gay man, you're supposed to get slammed at both of those milestones in life.

I think it's all crap. I have friends from 20 to 80 and some of the most sexually vibrant--and skilled from years of experience--are the men over 50 who have developed into the sexiest things out there. If a man keeps his mind open and his curiosity sharp, the possibilities for reinvention are string at any age.

Explore, do something together or alone that's new and something you always wanted to do. Sharing, at least for me, is better but I've always found it important to retain some time and resources to do things on my own and then have something fresh to bring back to the relationship (I found THE man, by the way, when I was 52). I understand everything you're feeling, and wish you my very best. I hope you'll find as I have, that it just keeps getting better and better.