The 10 Horrors of Christmas Shopping

30 November 2015

The 10 Horrors of Christmas Shopping

Tis the season to be Merry and buy loads of ‘perfect’ Christmas presents for your friends and family. More like a slap dash mix of crap that fits your budget. If you attempted to get near a shopping centre this weekend you will understand the horror that is trying to Christmas shopping at the weekends. We don’t want to breed panic or anything but you only have three more weekends to do your shopping.

So the pressure is on and inevitably, you will find yourself in a shopping centre feeling that this is the zombie apocalypse and we are all going to die buying perfumes sets and having rows about car parking spaces. Where is the dignity in Christmas shopping- online that’s where it’s at!

The Car Park

If you are the owner of a car, well done. Now, attempt to drive that beast into a car park of a packed shopping centre? No thanks, we hear you say? Well sometimes the car park is a necessary evil, we witnessed some seriously heinous crimes over the weekend. Beeping at a parked car will not solve any problems, either will screaming at pedestrians. Let’s all agree to be better humans and not get road rage.

People

Large groups of people are the worst. There is no better way to see humanity than to look at a mass of people trying to scramble through a door. To the kind souls who let the old ladies in first, well done. To the people who ram through, one day it will you bad fortune. Bah Hum Bug..

Screaming Kids

Why would you take small children to a hot confined place mobbed with people? The crying pierces though the grumble of the crowd and leaves us wishing we could go to an adult-only shopping centre. We are not bad people, it’s just two-year-olds are not fun unless you are the parent of one. And even then it’s debatable!

Ques

Queuing is the biggest waste of our time and is rampant in the yule tide season. What makes the process even more awful is people skipping and jumping ahead. Don’t make us publically shame you, we don’t want to make a scene but you que skippers make us turn into bad people who shout…

Escalators

There is nothing more terrifying than having to ram yourself onto an escalator. One day, we know our laces will get caught and we will end up falling on our faces, subsequently breaking our noses and being left horrendously scared. Can we all just be a little less pushy on these things?

Santa

This dude is popping up at every store in the country and the kids are going wild. If you have a little person they will hound you into going to see Santa. There will be ques, people, other crying kids, extortionate prices and an awkward photo. And you will have to do this more than once. FML.

Carrying Bags

There is not enough arms to carry all of the shopping bags. Where are those elves when you need them? If we could hire a bag carrier we would think about it for a second… then we deem it ridiculous and just bring the bags back to the car and go again… getting those steps in!

Panic-Buying

You are looking at a lovely sweater set or shirt and tie for the man in your life and left wondering, is it worth it? Out of sheer panic you buy them both and hope for the best. Nothing says I love you like an ill thought out gift. Better get a gift receipt.

The Couple That Fight

There is always that one couple that have a melt down and start screaming at each other. Fun to watch until it happens to you.

Feed Me

The hanger (hungry+angry) will set in rapidly which is probably the main cause of all the world’s problems. But amid the Christmas madness all you want is some sort of sugar-laced ‘venti- latte-frappe’ thing and a mince pie. But again there is a que, so the vicious cycle of rage begins.

Once it is all over, all you have to do is wrap all the pressies and wait for Santa to come! Let’s just hope you don’t ever have to do that again…till next year!