What would the game Watch Dogs be like with an iPhone? (NSFW)

The new game Watch Dogs puts players in the shoes of a super smartphone-wielding vigilante who can use his device to track and control the world around him. It's a clever take on the action genre that's getting rave reviews. You can see a trailer for the game below to get an idea of how the phone impacts game play.

The intrepid jokers at Machinima have created a skit that asks that question we've been wondering since finding out about Watch Dogs: how would it play if the protagonist used an iPhone? The answers are hysterical, though not safe for work. Plug in your headphones and enjoy a laugh.