Sunday, February 25, 2007

I HAVE DEFINED NITWITTERY AND IT IS US.

THIS BAG IS NOT A TOYNitwittery- The process or act of being a nitwit. Especially prevalent condition among writers. Touloose gives a visual demonstration of the principal.

S*** happens. You go into a diatribe against certain books and find out the person you are talking to writes in that genre.You send out an e-query -- realize you misspelled the agent's name -- resend another this time misspelling your own name and the agent's in an entirely different way.All of us have these stellar moments in our lives.

THIS IS PAT

THIS IS PAT BEING A NITWIT

12:30 pm and 81 degrees.COPYEDITING IS DONE LONG LIVE THE COPYEDITOR.My greatest single nitwittery happened at my very first writers' conference on Maui. I met my sister there and we shared a room. I was nervous, excited, and loud.But not as loud as my sister. She shrieked. She laughed. She howled. Not usually a problem but it happened to be 5 am. There was a rapid insistent pounding on our hotel room door. My sister fled to the bathroom abandoning me. I answered to reveal our bleary eyed pissed neighbor."Could you both keep it down? We're trying to sleep here!" The voice is not amused.Some people have no sense of humor."Uh sorry."We muffled our giggles each time we passed our neighbor in the hallwayEmbarrassing yes, but not the end of the world.Until my first scheduled consultation with a real live agent from New York City.And.You guessed it.It was the woman who rapped on our door. Our neighbor. Her eyes narrowed and hardened. My mouth opened and closed but nothing came out. When I regained my speech, I blathered, I stuttered. "Uh. Gee. Uh sorry."I think I pitched. I am not sure.I do not remember.Needless to say, the agent was not interested in my premise, in my writing or anything else I had to say including my partial. I sent it to her anyway 6 months later hoping she would forget.I scrawled on the outside of the envelope: "Met in Maui: Requested Material."Maybe I should have written: "Disturbed your sleep and gave you a migraine the size of a tractor-trailer in Maui." "Neighbors from hell in Maui." or even "Look, I-can't-help-it-if-my-sister-is-loud-I-just-answered-the-door- but-look-at-my-pages-anyway: Maui."Nitwittery.It happens to all of us.What is yours?

Still a hilarious story. I'm so glad to see you've both made your deadline and managed to keep your sense of humor! Yea Pat!

I think the closest I come is that when I sent my agent my MS I told her it was an exclusive (Duh) Six months later after not hearing anything I followed up and still heard nothing. Wrote it off as a rejection. Four months after that she e-mailed me to ask if it was still available and I had to spill the beans that not only had I sent it to other agents (she admitted I had good cause) but it was currently being reviewed by her co-worker. Oops.

Hmm, there was the time I chased the dog around the house, squealing like a pig (me, not the dog), for several minutes before I remembered the landscaper was outside! I had just run by open windows for no apparent reason (to him) while squealing.

I talk faster than I write. Since I teach, this causes problems, because I try to say one thing and write another...and I get all jumbled up. I make mistakes up on the board on a daily basis, and my students have to correct me.

I used to get really embarassed since I'm supposed to be teaching them to do math CORRECTLY (Not 2+3=6), but none of them seem to hold it against me.

I told a young, rising star agent that he wiggled so much during his presentation at a Conference it distracted from listening to him, and then I went into Autism Mother mode and recommended a Disc O Sit therapy cushion that allows for active sitting. Probably should have kept my mouth shut, but he'd rejected my MS and I had no plans to requery and his wiggling and wriggling and constant movement was pretty distracting. NOT as nitwitty as the poor soul who was in the elevator with the two of us (young agent and I) and asked him "Uh, so how's the book market?" Even I cringed on that one! Hey, Pat, nice T-shirt! Your story takes the cake and plate too. And a happy ending!

The one that stands out for me is the time I found a stain on the countertop at work. I licked my thumb and rubbed it, but it wouldn't disappear. So I re-licked, and re-rubbed. Re-re-licked. Re-re-rubbed. Still not disappearing. Then I realized I was licking my left thumb, and rubbing with my right. And my coworker was watching me.

No nitwit stories in regards to writing... yet.I received an annoying email from my boss and I attached a scathing message intending to forward it to a friend. Instead I hit reply and sent the message (smite and all) back to my boss. Strangley enough, I didn't get fired and he was nicer to me after that. Weird...

Pat, As you read on my blog previsously, this is how I partook in nitwittery: My main beta reader read a "final" version of my manuscript and pointed something out to me that I hadn't noticed. I mentioned that one of my character's was deceased in one chapter, but in the very next chapter, he was eating dinner with someone. Needless to say, I could explain this (ahem). I told my beta reader that maybe he was very, VERY, hungry, and that he came back for dinner?? In any case, of course that had to be changed immediately. I was ecstatic that this was pointed out to me before I sent my baby out into the world!

I am not worthy! Linked! Miss Snark! Words almost fail me. Almost.Kim S is responsible for sending me the wonderful T shirt! Thanks again Kim!Sean I sputtered coffee out on that one. So did my husband reading over my shoulder!

Pat--Love the T-shirt, love the kitty, love your embarrassing moment. I've had many (one involving posting something on a forum instead of private e-mailing it to a friend--ouch.) But my most recent was when I decided to introduce myself to BIG NAME AGENT when I saw him standing around in a hotel lobby. He had read a couple of submissions from me and was very kind and encouraging in his rejections. I was just going to thank him for the encouragement, and all the sudden I just started babbling like a crazed stalker. I don't even remember what I said, just that he started backing away from me and did everything but hold his fingers up in a cross to ward himself. Two witnesses told me I was both frightening and pathetic.

As someone who feels like I have daily slap-myself-upside-the-head Doh! moments, I should have something to add. Unfortunately my brain is unfunctioning this morning. Illness reigns in my home at present and sleep appears to be a pipedream. Maybe in a couple hours I'll remember...

Oh man Pat, that's too funny! And so darn predictable in a sadistic sort of way. I don't actually have any such stories within the writing profession, yet, but there have been a few times when as an actor I have met someone and thought I am just all that, expressing some strong opinions I have on theatre as an art form et etc, and it turns out that the person I am talking to is someone way important in the business.

I once got a request for a full from an agent. I was so excited, I didn't stop to ask her if it was just for the first book, or the whole series. Since I'd mentioned the series in the query, I just assumed it was for the whole shebang. (Never Assume, lol)Well, I printed it up and sent off a refrigerator sized box (I can't even tell you how many pages it was - SO embarassing to think of it...) The agent never wrote me back. She probably fainted when the box arrived and left it in the middle of her office to use as an extra table. I was too embarrassed to ask for news after the first three months went by and I realized the extent of my gaff. (Hiding under the rug and whimpering, lol)

I love this story!! The upside, is that when someone asks you what your most embarrassing moment is, you've got one handy. ;)

BTW - thank you for the post on my blog! I've been following yours for a little while now. ;) Grammar girl (a favorite podcast of mine) just covered the lie/lay issue and has a handy dandy table to sort it all out. I'll link you in case you want to check it out: http://grammar.qdnow.com/2007/01/18/lay-versus-lie.aspx

Mine isn't too bad. I entered my first writing contest. I sent them my first 25 pages. I neglected to notice the genre.At least I hit the general area, but I certainly didn't read the big, bold letters on the contest info. I expected it to be bounced back with a polite "Enter when you know what you're doing" note. Nope. Five judges faithfully critiqued and slaughtered my first manuscript. LOL.That wasn't exactly how I wanted to get my name out there.

LOTTERY PAPERBACK AVAILABLE NOW

LOTTERY

About Me

I consider myself a renaissance woman.
I have been in the Army, worked as a medical technologist, competed as a professional horsewoman, been an educator, a diver,a sailor, a PHD student, writer and now an author.

SV ORION

About ORION

Orion is a 48-ft Celestial Ketch. She was abandoned in the middle of the Pacific Ocean during a storm and over the course of several months found her way back to the Big Island.
When my husband and I first looked at her and found out her history we decided she was the boat for us and bought her.
She sails like a dream and we love her dearly.