12 transfers that Arsenal will make this summer

By Sir Hardly Anyone

Roll up roll up roll up. Take a deep breath, pause, prepare a tumbler full of your favourite tipple, swallow hard and settle yourself down for another cart load of gibberish, fresh (well freshish) from the keyboards of those not yet disinfected.

For it is 9am in the Toppled Bollard, drinking venue of the rumour elite. For perhaps the split part of a second, nothing happens, as if all Nature awaits the new day, breathless. But then it is as if the Book of Revelations has opened up and Judgement Day is announced.

Men tumble over each other in an effort to reach the bar, each with a stomach heavily charged from the morning’s kippers with Guiness. A great wind seems to blow through the Scribblers Lounge (the public bar with a coat of pain 20 years back), and each of those entering is aware of what appears to be a steam hammer banging about in his head. To a man they have told their psychiatrist that at this time of day ears ring loudly, the eyeballs rotate and there is a tingling about the brow. The shrink says, well, yes, that’s normal for a journalist.

And then, just as each is feeling that he (or perhaps it) ought to ring a lawyer and see that one’s affairs are in order before it is too late, the whole situation seems to clarify. The wind drops. The ears cease to ring. Birds twitter. Brass bands start playing. The sun comes up over the horizon with a jerk – who turns out to be the football correspondent of the Daily Bonk.

And thus we have the rumoids including…

Riyad Mahrez

Arsenal are the “bookies’ favourites” to get Manchester City winger Riyad Mahrez this summer, but only if he ends up leaving the club. (Work that one out – what are the odds of our getting him if he DOES NOT leave the club??? These newspaper eh?) He’s never made it at Man City so the logic seems to be he ought to be ok at Arsenal. (Caught Offside)

Noussair Mazraoui

Signing of Ajax man would push Carl Jenkinson “closer to Arsenal exit” according to those who watch exists and Noussair Mazraoui is “set to be” a “wanted man “. (TBR football)

Gabriel Martinelli

We’ve mentioned him before but it seems Arsenal are so confident Gabriel Martinelli will be a success at the club that “they will set a date for the 17-year-old to make his debut for the club.” Does that sound likely – oh, no, look, it is what “reports say”. But still, “Unai Emery is on the verge of completing his first summer transfer signing having agreed a fee with Martinelli’s club, Ituano”. (Metro although FootLond go further claiming the fee is exactly £5.1m.

Denis Praet

Another one doing the rounds for some time and now back on the list “former Juventus target” who “nearly moved to Turin in 2018.” He could cost around €20m and Milan asked about him in the last window. He’s with Sampdoria. (Il Corriere dello Sport)

Nick Pope and James Tarkowski

Taking a lead from betting firms is always a dubious thing to do, but some journos are so far gone they are now writing their copy down the bookies, which is how they find that Arsenal are favourites to sign both Nick Pope and James Tarkowski “in order to bolster their defence”.

And where are these master defenders now you may ask. Burnley is the answer (Lancs Live)

And now finally: The Daily Mail list

Never one to do things by quarters where it can do them by tenths, the Mail is these days presenting whole lists of players who are coming to Arsenal. Currently including…

SAMUEL UMTITI: £65m from Barcelona. Previously with Lyon, 25 years old and was in the French World Cup-winning in Russia last summer.

JEAN-PHILIPPE GBAMIN – a £35m centre half buy from Mainz. 23 years old he has “youth on his side.” (Where do these journos get these phrases from?) “and could continue to develop at the Emirates Stadium”. It’s like the bland leading the bland.

MARIO HERMOSO – £35m (Espanyol).

He’s only 23, and played 30 times for Espanyol with a contract running out in a year. £35m is the price but might be available for half that, although the reasons for this cut price are not made clear.

WALTER KANNEMANN – £12m (Gremio)

“The 28-year-old is a naturally left-sided centre back”. So what is an unnaturally left-sided centre back? He plays for Argentina, which makes his alleged nickname of ‘the Viking’, seem odd. Atletico Madrid want him.

11. MICHAEL KEANE – £50m (Everton)

Are we goint to give Everton £50m for a player? Even in the drunken state of these journalists at the Bollard that seems unlikely. But apparently we are going to battle it out with the Tiny Tots to get him!

12. LLOYD KELLY – £10m (Bristol City)

He’s 20, plays at left back, can double up in central defence. Well, you never know.

29 comments to 12 transfers that Arsenal will make this summer

Anyone who can defend properly for me will do .And a quality defensive coach to go with them.If you can all take your blinkers off for a moment about blaming referees ,can anyone on here actually tell me what Steve Bould actually does ???Because he seems to me to have been stealing a living for the last 8 years.You might as well put a cardboard cutout of him in the dugout.

Does Bould make the team’s defenders selection? Steve Bould is an undisputed Arsenal legend seemingly kept at the club by Stan Kroenke, the club owner to be passing grapevine information inside the club to him I would imagine. Besides, Bould is the Arsenal defensive 1st team coach who oversees the Gunners defense-line coaching . And I believe he’s been doing his job in this regard very well for the Gunners. And I don’t think he should be blamed for the Gunners defensive woes in the PL more especially at away matches that have now extended to 2 campaigns running in the PL. This is because, even if Bould does brimstone and sulphur coaching of the Arsenal defenders, his top level defensive coaching can only be matched by top class defenders who are world-class. Permit me to say this. But Bould isn’t coaching world-class defenders at Arsenal but some who are top-class mixed with quality ones. Hence, Bould defensive coaching at Arsenal is subjugated when the club plays against any of it’s top 5 PL rival club sides who have better top quality defenders than Arsenal have which consequently is making Bould not getting the credit he deserves for the top quality defensive coaching he has been delivering to Arsenal.

On Arsenal summer transfer rumours in the media. am I interested in those Arsenal transfer rumours in the media when Arsenal still have something to play for in the Pl and in the Europa League? No Sir! I prefer to focus on the something that Arsenal are still playing for before this season comes to an end in 3 weeks time. As of now, I am not geared for Arsenal summer transfer rumours neither is my enthusiasm for it.

The Sky pundits and of course Alan Smith spent ages on whether Dier got a touch of the ball or not in the challenge from behind that should have resulted in a second yellow card fo him.
Surely, seeing as they are the experts, they of all people should know that whether Dier got a touch of the ball or not is irrelevent, you cannot take a man down like that from behind even if you do get the ball.
They are apparently saying that if you get the ball it is not a foul even if you get the man as well.

Considering they had a two man advantage I though Bournemouth were poor, and that Frazer who’s been linked to us often enough is no better than the youngster we have on loan in Germany.
Good to see Ake score though. A player I really rate and who we missed out on.

For being lifted into the CL places by a generous pelanty and card count over the last few years? With the blessings and support of the sweet FA (three stadiums this season)? Whilst still being incapable of winning sweet FA when compared to the Royal Arsenal who lest the media brainwash any of you inforgettig have the best record in English football over the last five years behind the two petro clubs winning three cups coming second a record only bettered in the cups by the two awesome Arsenal and Chelsea squads of the naughties:

that’s what id give credit to, a record showing the trophies won recently, matching the best in recent times, not to a bunch of diving clogging cheats and the Mikes who support them.

Son Heung-min was dismissed for pushing Jefferson Lerma at the end of a frantic first half, in which Eric Dier was lucky not to have been sent off and Bournemouth could conceivably have had two penalties.

@Finsbury At the time I made that comment, Spurs were working hard and defending well and Bournemouth were unable to do anything. As much as I dislike the grubby way that Pocchetino has them playing and how the English press seem to love them, I think we can recognize effort when we see it. Down to 9 men, they put in a shift, even if there was ample time wasting going on.

Can’t help feeling that Spurs are doing their best to help us overtake them in the EPL.
Third place is virtually within our grasp….
Only Brighton at the Ems and Burnley away!
Whatever the outcome, I feel that the majority of fans would have accepted such a situation when Unai Emery assumed command at the start of the season.😎

Another shameful display of PGMOL officiating in Newcastle v Liverpool match. A handball save not punished with a red allowing the player to make the telling pass for a second goal for Liverpool. The first was accompanied by several Newcastle defenders being held & prevented from defending allowing van Dyke to score in total freedom.

I couldn’t watch anymore because it is not how football should be officiated.

I have been on holiday in the US. As I was 8 hrs behind I did not watch much football.

Did read about poor officiating – again…

Nice to know PIGMOB are still as bent as ever

The saddest thing is that the PL is so rigged I cant get excited about any of it. How real are the league places – not at all. It is like an alternative reality. It should be called the English Premier Entertainment – EPE – just like WWE . Most “matches” are as orchestrated as WWE “bouts”