'I used to pretend I was someone quite mysterious and fascinating. Then I grew up and realized I was mysterious and fascinating' --Sally Bowles

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[on Rosie] 'Rosie is so called because of the color of her cheeks!' [slaps Rosie's bottom] --Emcee

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[on Lulu] 'Oh, you like Lulu, huh? Yeah? Well too bad! So does Rosie!' --Emcee

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[on Frenchie] 'You know, I like to order Frenchie on her side. On your side, FRENCHIE! [Frenchie glares at him]...Just kidding.' --Emcee

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[on Texas] 'Yes, Texas is from AMERICA! Mmmhmm. But she's a very cunning linguist!' --Emcee

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[on Fritzie][Fritzie is humping a pole] 'Oh, Fritzie! Would you stop that? Already this week we have lost two waiters, a table, and three bottles of champagne up there like this!' --Emcee

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[on Helga] 'Helga is the baby. I am like a father to her! So when she's bad... I spank her. And she's very very very very very very bad!' [spanks her on each 'very'] --Emcee

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[singing] 'Beedle dee dee dee! Two Ladies!' -- Emcee, Lulu, Bobby

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'At last, someone who cares if I am foolish!' -- Herr Schultz

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[singing] 'Oh Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign. Your children have waited to see! The morning will come when the world is mine! Tomorrow belongs to ME!' -- Fraulein Kost, Herr Ludwig, the Company

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[Fraulein Kost has been caught sneaking sailors out of her room] 'All day, sailors in, out, in, out. God only knows what the neighbors think I run--a BATTLESHIP?' --Fraulein Schneider

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[Herr Schultz has been caught coming out of Schneider's room] 'Good evening, Fraulein Schneider. I see we have been busy today, ja?' --Fraulein Kost