The pure meaning (without additions) of responsibility is the ability to respond for the purpose of causing or creating a desired effect/result. It is not a duty by any means, it is just a reasonable thing to take action in some way in order to get what one wants.

Society has added a meaning of "being at fault" or "obligated to", as a moral concept, in a sense. Still the pure word itself is just about "responding", which is a future creating action, not a past "faulting". Be clear also about this vital concept in life: "There Is No Fault." Also "grok" (deeply understand, plus) this: Being At Cause In The Matter Of Life.

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THE SIMPLE BASIS

Be clear on this, absolutely clear, as this is essential to living a better life:

Be perfectly clear here that each of us is 100% responsible for all outcomes we are involved in. Responsibility in this case simply means, given what has already occurred, one responds by acting to cause the highest positive effect from that point forward. Even if another person or a circumstance is "more" the cause in the matter - in the world of reality there is no "more" (no concept of 'more'), there is only the result that occurs, period! The only criterion for action is does it work or not work.

That's it. Period.

LEVELS OF RESPONSIBILITY

Stage I of taking responsibility is in recognizing "If it's to be, it's up to me."

The top level: Being at 100% cause in the matter

RESPONSIBILITY IS A OR THE KEY SOURCE OF POWER

Responsibility is a key source of power. Irresponsibility is a key source of weakness or the lack of power. (Hopefully, you will have determined where you are on the Spectrum From Victimhood To Responsibility.)

AS A RESPONSIBLE PERSON YOU ARE

As a responsible person you are:

1. Independently interdependent [= no dependency, zero, nada!]

2. At the cause of the matter

3. And the "at cause" is unconditional, a "no matter what" viewpoint

No matter the circumstance, you respond by saying

1. What has occurred is just "what is so" (acceptance) and then

2. Put it into perspective ("so what?") and then

3. Simply ask "now what?", making the best of the situation.

You create happiness no matter what, from whatever the situation is now, forward. To be fully responsible you become Fearless, no longer governed by fears of no actual consequence.

There is no "rescue me" or dependence on someone else taking the responsibility for you. Addictions are seen for what they are, giving over responsibility to the largely unconscious brain circuits of Dumb and Dumber. You are no longer "at the effect of" other things or other people.

You assume the very useful myth (better than the disempowering myths) that you are the cause of everything, even the uncontrollable, and from that point of view you seek to give it your best to cause the desired result(s).

WHAT IS RESPONSIBILITY?

Responsibility begins with the decision to take on life as being "cause in the matter of one's life". As such, one is responsible no matter what has happened, with no victimness - one assume the role of creating and determining all that is possible in one's life. Although some circumstances are beyond one's control, responsibility takes on everything else in life, including handling the response to those uncontrollable circumstances and outcomes - to a truly responsible person, what happens is a "so what?!" and the next thing in line is a "now what?"

Anger is a person's last desperate attempt to avoid responsibility. Resentment is a more subtle form of hold the other to be "responsible", which in this case is construed as "at fault", "at blame". Resistance to another is similar, as, of course, is "getting even" (withdrawing what is wanted, etc.). Here is a discussion on all of this and what to do to offset those: Responsibility Versus Blame And/Or Resentment. Making the distinction between the blame mentality and the responsibility mentality is one of the keys to growing up and letting go of what holds you back and directs your attention to the wrong place and the "wrong cause."

It is ludicrous and childish when one spouse treats the other as if the other were an enemy, when the actual enemies are...

There are insights and ways of operating responsibly in life that support confidence and self-esteem - and there are ways that undermine this. See Psychology, Happiness, Self-Esteem/Confidence. Victims have a misconception about control, so read that section.

There is a "space" in your life in which you can "put" "stuff". If something else fills the space, you cannot put an additional something into the space. You must first remove something.

If a person is busy blaming, complaining, criticizing, faulting, etc. one is filling the space and pushing out or keeping out responsibility. They cannot occupy the same space. You must stop them - and first you must learn these two, before going further: