Light Travels at the Speed of Willie Harris

I got a press release yesterday mentioning that Willie Harris had been named the NL's player of the week -- first time ever a Nats player has won the award outright. With a nod to Chuck Norris, and to the NJ's communal creativity, here is why Harris won:

Last week, the 30-year-old Harris earned the award by batting .583 (7-for-12) with a double, a triple, a league-best seven RBIs, one stolen base, five runs scored, four walks, a .688 on-base percentage, a 1.083 slugging percentage. He also counted to infinity -- twice. Most kids wear Superman pajamas, but this week, Superman began Willie Harris pajamas. Now, when the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks the closet for Willie Harris. When Willie Harris does push-ups before games, he isn't lifting himself up, he is pushing down on the Earth. Harris, who has seven stolen bases this season, is fast enough that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

In Atlanta this last weekend, Harris didn't walk through doors, he broke through walls. A picture is worth a thousand words; Willie Harris is worth a billion words. Willie Harris can watch "60 Minutes" in 20. When Willie Harris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet; the water gets Willie Harris. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Willie Harris can actually hit a homer against you yesterday. Behind every successful man, there is a woman; behind every ruined pitcher, there is Willie Harris.

OK, OK, sorry for getting carried away. You guys rubbed off on me yesterday. Honestly, when I landed here and read the posts, I was rolling with laughter. Thanks so much. Here are my faves:

Did you know: Willie Harris can balance his whole body on the tip of just one finger? (Section 506)

Hahaha! Funny stuff! Willie Harris is just a someone that is easy to root for. The article this morning solidifies what's been said about him all year. My boys Bob and Don (yes, I'm one of the 9000 that watches MASN!) are always talking about what a great clubhouse presence he is. Keep up the good work, Willie!

Check out Marc Fisher's comment on the purchase of TEM by Snyder. You all are the answer. DC sports blogs totally overwhelm the "Duh, why can't we trade our 3rd rate, 2nd string shortstop for Tulowitzky?" that is standard fare on sports radio.

We actually value the written (or at least electronically transmitted and keyboarded) word.

And tell me...Do blogs and comments in other cities have grammar police? I think not!

So, are you suggesting it actually is better to feel good than it is to look good? Because AK looks the same, but he finally feels MAHVELOS!
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"Austin Kearns line since his return July 3rd (13 games);

It's the thought that counts.....how can two reporters sit down with owner of the team for the first time all year and come up with nothing to write about. I understand Boz did put together something with quote or two like

"It's been a tough week," said Mark Lerner. "We're taking it a day at a time. Everybody has bumps in the road."

Is that it? Nothing more than a lame reaction to a, self inflicted in most cases, week of bad news?

Willie Harris reminds me of an upgraded version of Jamey Carroll - a versatile player who plays the game the right way and is an asset to any team.

I hope that we find a place on the roster for him and sign him to a fair deal, not a crazy deal. Perhaps 2 years at something around $1M/year. He makes $809K this year. I think that would be a good deal for both the Nats and Willie Harris.

Nice job, NJ-ers. I love the Chuck Norris random fact generator. :) A good start to hopefully a good week. I will actually be able to watch the Nats on TV this week since they are here playing the Gigantes.

While Willie Harris is certainly capable of playing in the game and simultaneously performing bodyguard responsibilities, he has informed me that it would be a better use of his time to forego the latter and simply perform a ritual re- embowelment if you meet that threatened fate.

Those who want Phil Wood to return to local radio, please email glasgowd@redskins.com. He has something to do with the programing at the new espn980 station that Snyder has become the emperor of. I did, and hopefully if eneough of us do, the saturday morning show might return. He has a letter posted on the espn980.com website about the programming and that changes could come as a result of fan feedback. Lets test him and see if it is all talk or if the action of Nats fans can persuade them to bring back the Wood.

"During the pre-operation examination, Kremcheck also discovered a unique nuerological disorder that, if untreated, results in the utter inability to track fly balls in the outfield, and take efficient routes to balls he is responsible for fielding.

Kremcheck noted that, in rare cases, the condition is also responsible for causing a player to take ridiculous hacks at breaking balls that are out of the strike zone.

Pena will undergo therapy for this condition in the coming months, but is expected to be ready for Spring Training in 2009."

I'm going to the game tonight and will be highly disappointed if I do not see Willie Harris in the lineup. Although, if light really does travel at the speed of Willie Harris, it is altogether possible I won't see him even if he is in there.