My Tabs

Mar 16, 2010

You are nothing more than a stray fleck of dust in the evening wind. Nothing more than a tiny grain of salt in the never ending blue expanse of the ocean. Not even a face in a crowd, because no one acknowledges your presence at all. You are, but a body that amounts to nothing.

She stood in front of the mirror, watching herself. Criticizing herself. The dull lank hair framing a plain uninteresting face. Inappropriately shaped, not too tall. Not beautiful, not ugly. Just plain. Pathetically plain. Noone would give her a second glance.

Unable to fathom why she was put on this planet. What was the purpose of this life? If it didn’t matter to anyone at all, wouldn’t it be simpler to jerk the plug off it? Wouldn’t it get some attention afterall? Someone. Anyone.

She took the mirror down from the wall, watching her reflection. She stood with it for a long moment in her hands, and then threw it across the room in one fluid motion, breaking it into a myriad irregular pieces.

Now there were many people in the room. But they all looked the same.

They all looked like her.

*****************************************************

He saw her everyday. Everyday at 11.01 AM they both stepped into the same train which took them downtown for work. Everyday they went their separate ways after half an hours ride.

Sometimes a black overcoat. Sometimes long dark hair falling forward framing the heart shaped face. Sometimes held back together with the stubborn band. Sometimes with the backpack, sometimes without it. Sometimes with the white umbrella. Sometimes she would read 'Love in the Time of Cholera' yet again, lovingly smoothing out the yellowing pages of the old book as she read. Sometimes she would just sit there stare out of the window, not looking at anything in particular. She just sat there sometimes, and watched as the landscape changed with the rhythmic clank of the wheels on the tracks.

But always, always, that grey of her eyes that made his heart skip a bit. Every single time.

Dear God.. she was beautiful..

*****************************************************

She lay there in the dark, watching the shadows chase patterns over the ceiling. Thoughts chased themselves around in her head over the incessant babble of voices that just wont shut up. She had lost count of the amount of times she tried to shut the voices out, craving one moment of peace, just one millisecond of relief. But they never went away.

Has no one told you she's not breathing?

Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to

Hello

Sometimes loneliness opens up such a deep valley of nothingness on the inside of you, that it doesn’t matter what happens to the outside of you. The scars that left their criss-cross lines on her flesh, weaving an intricate beautiful web of silver, were nothing but reminders of the sad non-existence she lived. Tattoos that told better stories.

She drew the razor sharp shard of the broken mirror across her wrist. She didn’t feel a thing. Except for that slight tinge, that curious burning sensation where the edge of the glass kissed her flesh. Tiny drops of crimson blossomed over the stark white.

Just another night. Just another lonely night. Maybe if she was lucky it would be her last.

If I smile and don't believe

Soon I know I'll wake from this dream

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken

Hello

I'm the lie living for you so you can hide

Don't cry

Maybe.

*****************************************************

He stood waiting at the same spot he stood everyday, at the foot of the stairs.

It was chilly today. He knew she would wear her black coat today. She would come everyday and take the same train with him, just as she had for the last seventeen months. Like always she would go take a seat across him, and never know that he spent the next half hour watching her. Knowing her in the best half hour of his entire day.

Today was the day he would finally talk to the pretty grey eyed girl. Just hear what she sounded like. Maybe someday he would gather enough courage to tell her just how pretty she looked with her hair down. Someday.

It was 10.59 AM. The train pulled into the station as always. He looked up the stairs as always. Moments that held eternities in them passed and the train pulled out of the station. Like always.

He stood there confused. She didn’t come.

That day she didn’t.

She never came for the 11.01 AM train again.

~ Annie.

P.S: There is ALWAYS someone who loves us more than we know it to be possible. Even if it’s not the person you were hoping for...

Well written of course !My observation was that it seemed like Your opinion of other people(the girl in the story) is that they're extremely miserable whereas life's a fairy-tale waiting to happen(which seemed like your belief)... Hence the abrupt comment.Also I'm quite appalled by the ending. I can imagine how it might feel like being invisible but the idea of a suicide I can't comprehend. I like your writing and all but hope you're no longer in the mood that made you reach that ending.

Well to start off, I DO have a fairytale view of life.. At the same time, you will be suprised at how much the people around us have to go through emotionally, hence the dark mood of almost all my stories. :) About the suicide part.. to each his own I guess. :) There are people who are strong enough and then there are some who simply arent. Anyway its just a story :) I like to think that I write dark brooding stories better than the mushy ones, hence I naturally gravitate towards such themes :)Lastly, yes, Im not in that mood anymore, because I dont stay down for a long time anyway :) Writing about it gets it out of my system and then Im good to go :)

So greatly written. And really sad... Wish he would have talked to her at least once.. Sometimes we really fail to see the obvious things and submerge in our loneliness, hopelessness and are just.. lost. Sometimes literally.

well to start with... applause at your writing :) loved the post :) no arguments from my side i just love it the way it is written guess life is sometimes cruel to us and some other times we ourselves are cruel on us with all the expectations we have in our mind

A hard hitting story.. most of us go thru such emotions at some point in our lives.. Isnt it? But the step taken by the girl was extreme.. :(Ur writing style is amazing girl!! Emotions were captured really well.. Kudos to u.. :)

P.S: There is ALWAYS someone who loves us more than we know it to be possible. Even if it’s not the person you were hoping for...

@Kanishk,Agreed. And yes I seem to exhibit symptoms of MPD sometimes :P Thanks for liking what I write. :)

@Destiny's Child,Thanks so much.. :)

@BuckingFastard,Maybe we think alike :) Your last post was way better than mine.. Yes I know I could have elaborated, I should have, but I seem to be suffering from a severe case of writers block :( :( This was about as much writing I could do...

@Lena,Hi welcome to my blog! Thanks for liking the post :)Yea I know.. sometimes we fail to see things that we do have... so busy with concentrating on things we dont.. sad. Maybe someday we shall see :)

@Simply Me,Thank you so much.. :)So true what you said.. which is maybe why I didnt want a fairytale ending.. :)

@Sangitha,Thank you so much for liking my post! You understood the point I was making perfectly.. :) :) Thats why I added that PS .. maybe someone will wake up and realise life isnt so bad after all... :)

@Cynthia,Thanks a lot for those words! :)I think I got wiser too because of this one.. Its crazy how many obvious things we miss because we get so damn short sighted :)

Very, very well-written. So picturesque and full of emotional depth even in your dark tones, I loved reading it. It reminded me of one of my favourite authors, Jhumpa Lahiri... Are there more stories like this on your blog? You have a lovely way of painting pictures through your stories. :)

Beautifully written. It reveals an inherently optimistic mindset of the writer, coz according to the story, everything would've been perfect had just the guy talked to the girl. She felt plain, but he found her beautiful. Doesn't need to happen like that in real life. She could be plain, and go about all her life without finding the guy who thinks she's beautiful.

Secondly, isn't the girl a bit self-absorbed and selfish? She only wants to be noticed, but doesn't notice the guy for 17 months? Had he talked to her, is that all she wants from someone, just that she be noticed and be called beautiful?

@Arslan,Thanks :)Yes true, she could be plain and the guy finds her beautiful, in which case she lost out on some real loving :)The girls doesnt want to be noticed and be called beautiful, lot of people notice us, but then only a few matter dont they? Sometimes, life gets difficult and lonely enough to make us blind. I guess thats what happened with her :)

@Matangi Mawley,Thanks so much :)

Commited To Life,Thanks! Both for liking the story and taking the time to pass through here :)