Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Everyone in my life will vouch for the contradictory traits present in me; be it family, friends or colleagues. This aspect of my life is very starkly observed or rather is something that involuntarily just comes across people I meet. So what contradictions are these?

Starting from the external, superficial stuff and to name a few; I love sports and athletic activities but I HATE walking, jogging, strolling. I always favor gals (bordering on feminism) but share a better rapport with the guys in my group. I would love to go out and freak out with friends but my idea of an ideal weekend is sleep lotssss, watch TV and laze around at my place. I love to cook but I often get bored to cook. I am very conservative yet I am most comfy in jeans, don’t mind late night outs with my friends, don’t mind guys staying over at my place (something which contradicts a traditional mindset). I often get troubled about this. I wonder which one is the real me? Introspecting all the time to find the answer but never once did I stumble upon it!

One day I spoke to one of my friends about his work and he told me that his pseudo name is John Lincoln (he works for an international BPO). I was outraged. If someone calls me Sharmila instead of my correct name I expect the other person to apologize and here is my friend; who is being paid for hiding his identity. Who is attending classes to lose the Indian accent and put on a Brit/American one! Who is getting holidays on Christmas and who wishes his clients on Valentine’s Day and Thanksgiving! On the other side of this spectrum lie the RSS/Shiv Sena party people. They have these centers for cultural studies and preservation. Here they are taught how Valentine’s Day is invasion of western culture and how they should abolish it. Taking the same idea to the next level, here we are in a globalization era. A wave; that has lifted the economy and as a fallout ‘Us’. Because of this wave I see myself spending around 2 grand in about 2 days (sometimes even one hour – impulse buying) and yet there are 50 percent or more BPL families whose annual income is somewhere around this figure. The economists say that we have come to a plastic age (debit cards, credit cards et all) where you are assured fluidity of cash, so that you never fall short of finanaces when it comes to the DRESS you just fell in love with or SHOES you just cant live without. But there are people who let alone the fact of possessing debit cards but are trying hard to get a few coins in their piggy bank everyday....

The climate in India is ‘conducive’ for investments and developments and yet here I see that agriculture is still our main occupation and investments or improvements done in this field are negligible. There are suicides because the rains failed; there are murders because the crop of that person was better. I see the younger generation knowing what the problems India is facing, knowing what can be the solution to the issue and yet I see Brain-Drain, I see people saying “Isss system mein hi kharabi hai… India ka kuch nahi ho sakta…” I see students all over India coming together standing united and then I see our very own Govt. turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to them and still implementing Reservations! There is a huge hue and cry on environmental/conservation of wildlife issues and yet we go ahead and rush into signing treaties with IAEA and becoming a nuclear power (the biggest threat to a safe environment); rampant hunting of animals for pleasure, for decorating ministers’/celebrity suite. Nothing is stable in the money markets and yet the stocks are rising. The number of girls succeeding in SSC/CBSE/ICSE or junior high is more than the guys and yet girls are being compromised on( increasing number of dowry deaths, Husband beating up his wife, Rape) is omnipresent. Still there is a village in Rajasthan where the prenatal deaths occur if the child to be born is a girl child. Security has increased, newer and stricter laws are made and yet the incidents of Rape cases have increased and the number of accused convicted have decreased. Women are getting empowered; they are getting better jobs in myriad of fields. They are striving for equality with men and are coming very close to it. And yet an educated woman compromises when there are clashes in the house when the alpha male ego is hurt (I wont say this is the case all the time but it is most of the times)

Thinking about all this suddenly the contradictions in my life seem very puny, very inconsequential, very small; I have a choice now and I have to take my step to make it asap..... Coz here we are living in a country where there is one birth in very 3 minutes thereby adding one more person to become a part of this contradictory climate....

Say on an average I live for 50 years. I will still possess only so many contradictions (of my character and by the country) but around 10512000 (@ 1 per 3 min)people would be born till then to become a part of the hajar new contradictions this country is going to offer them in addition to the contradictions of the character they build for themselves in their life!!!

Can we really do something so that atleast half of those 10512000 are not subjected to the turmoil which I am sure most of us go through!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

A man is judged by the company he keeps…. And so is a woman…. If this statement is true then this leads to the most contradictory judgments about me, my character…. Coz I have many-many friends and they have such disparate characters…. So if a person has to judge me, how will they? Will they see a common linkage between my friends and try and associate that particular trait to my character…. I’m befuddled….. U don’t think this can be the case then just go through this and u would know y I am so muddled….

I am sure everyone has different groups…. I mean there is a school friends’ circle, a college group, an office group, a local train group for that matter etc…. so as is the case even I have such friends’ groups…. But an exception in my case is that for every group in each category, I had a senior group that I was a part of too…. So my life is reaaaaaaaaaaaallly complicated ;)

So as I said, my school group…. We r a bunch of 8 people… The way I see all of them is that they are a bunch of people very liberal and trendy….. at the same time they have a structured set of values when it comes to family, religion, festivals etc…. I mean we go to discs, we go to temples, we booze but we also give up if one of the friends is not present, we would go out of the way to help others at the same time be very protective of each other…. Et all…. And we have grown as individuals…. From silly kids being very competing to teens going through rough times to matured people always there when the other person needs someone…..

Now my school senior group….. I don’t have much to say about this one though coz we disintegrated pretty soon… kinda lost touch… the last thing I knew about them was that they r either getting married or they r cruising through their career…. They were the ones responsible to shape me up…. Somehow being with them gave me courage…. Made me meet challenges head on….. But if I have to associate a particular trait to this group it would be a rebellious attitude…. To believe what u think and not what people want u to think….

Then my junior college group…. It started off with 4 people branched out now to about 15 people…. This is one group which strongly believes in simple living high thinking….. Their idea of an outing would be everyone (with parents in the group…) going to some place…. cooking together…. Going for walks… playing cards or other indoor games and of course catch up on each others lives….. Like one BIG Family…. Going to a disc would be an outrageous idea coz I am not sure how many people will dance or drink???

Thankfully I was in junior high for only 2 years so couldn't really get to know any seniors then :)

My Engg college group….. we r a bunch of 20 fellow class mates who are in one big group but somehow there are still factions….. strong contradictory characters have been very dominant so the group hasn’t coalesced into one…. As a result this group has many different aspects…. It depends on what faction is dominant or what are the circumstances around… We could be nerdy at times, rash at times, extremely tech-savvy to extreme aversion to technology, have a sporty attitude towards life or gossip/bitch about everything and everyone in life, be very aware of current affairs or be extremely ignorant of life around…. All in all they are somewhat similar to my school group but with an additional thrust on career….

My senior engg college group…. Not so much as a group since it’s just 2 or 3 of them….. I was cited so many times with them that I was often confused to be a part of their group…. They are extremely objective, extremely organized….. I have seen them get obsessed with say a project wit the same zeal as they would be for a person…. Viability of everything is of vital importance….. I mean doin nethin for just kicks would be an unthinkable idea for them…..

So now what exactly is the judgment doled out to me????

Am I rebellious or am I conservative, am I trendy or am I simple, am I practical in life or am I lost….. For some reason I can relate to all….. All the disparate qualities of these groups and yet so relatable…. I don't know y I became friends with them…. Just thought that they r like me…. Like they say IT JUST CLICKED….. But in the process did I become like them???? I mean I was conservative but have started being liberal about things…. I have become extremely tech-savvy, I have understood that playing cards with friends on an outing is as much fun as going to a disc with them…. I have started being a stickler where necessary….. I have learnt to think for myself….. et all…..

Makes me draw parallel with the TV series F.R.I.E.N.D.S…. extremely disparate people but always there for each other….. each person has maintained their identity yet some effect of the group has rubbed off on them….. so when I see Rachel being organized (just like Monica…) I feel well that’s just like what happened to me…. I became friends with all these people because of the CONNECT I felt with them and with time I have grown, matured and sifted out some of my flaws by takin the good things from my ‘Friends’…..

An impulse tells me to ask them, “did they get any good things from me being a part of the group???” and the same impulse tells me " OF COURSE!!! :) "