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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

so this is what it feels like when someone tells you they can't come to your wedding. i know it's still early and the damn invitations haven't even been picked out yet let alone mailed out, but i had assumed she would come. i was so looking forward to sharing the day with her, seeing her, spending time with her, etc. and now she can't make it. i appreciate her telling me so far in advance, but i'm still sad about it.

she's my first, and most assuredly not my last when it comes to "will not attend" on the wedding invites. do i feel sad because she's my first official no? or maybe it's because i thought she was coming, and am surprised that she's not? *sighs* hopefully the next one won't be this dramatic.

it won't be this dramatic, will it???i know i know.. i have to change my focus to be happy about the people who will be able to spend the day with us, as opposed to the ones who can't. still, it's kinda sad.ps...happy halloween!have a super fun and safe night!!!!! it was so fun taking blake to school this morning and seeing all the kids dressed up and so goofy and excited for halloween. HALLOWEEN IS SO FREAKING FUN!!!!!

Monday, October 30, 2006

our work halloween party was this past saturday evening and i just want to share some pictures with you. i work with such BEAUTIFUL women. beautiful inside and out. and we all get along! they are so much fun and such awesome people that i truly do consider myself lucky. i know that some people have terrible work environments, or work in places where the women don't get along with one another. i'm happy to say that i don't have any of that kind of drama here where i work. maybe it's because we're all way too damn busy to hate on eachother? or maybe it's the fact that they're all just awesome?

either way, working with all of these talented and wonderful women everyday makes me happy! and now you'll be happy too- cause they're all hot. lol

Saturday, October 28, 2006

y'all were SO AWESOME in the post below (thank you so, so, so, so much by the way) that i am rewarding you by making you slave away in the kitchen. your family will thank you for it. your ass, however, will not.

mint patties!these are so fucking good. and so easy to make, but kind of time consuming. but so good. did i mention good? ps- i buy the large special dark chocolate bars and melt those for the chocolate to cover the mint. omg, to die for. but then again, i love me some dark chocolate!

mix flour and milk in saucepan until smooth. heat and stir on medium heat until the mixture becomes thick like playdough. remove from heat!

add mint flavoring and icing sugar, mix well. take small pieces and roll into balls then pressing into flat circles about the size of a quarter or slightly bigger (your preference.. ps-i leave mine in balls, screw the flattening part) set on waxed paper.

melt chocolate in microwave or in bowl over simmering water just until melted. dip patties into chocolate lifting with fork covering completely, set on wax paper to set. can chill in fridge for speed in setting.

mint mixture can be tinted with food coloring (i make green and red ones at xmas time!)

can drizzle melted white chocolate over tops to decorate.

cream cheese ball thing!!once again, so freaking delicious. if you do not like cheesecake, you will not like this. and note that if you choose to use something like "country crock" instead of real butter, you will have something that is a big blob of yummy goodness, instead of something that actually forms a ball. yes, i know this from experience. it's still delicious, but it looks like one hell of a mess. but still good!

Friday, October 27, 2006

yes. good god i'm making myself nauseous. but hopefully, not any of you. but if i am, i understand. just puke elsewhere.

so. i need to know. did you have a videographer at your wedding? if you did, are you glad you did? do you ever watch the damn thing? do you think it's a plus to have it? would you get one again if you were to do it all over again?

aaaand.. if you didn't have one, do you wish you did? and if you're not married, when you get married- do you want one? because currently, we don't have one booked. but my photographer (who hates working with videographers because they are always in her way) said that she wishes she had one at her wedding. she said that she regrets it.

so i need to know if i should get one or not?!? because i love and adore beautiful pictures, but there is something about real time. about watching people interact in real time and talk, walk, etc. lol @ walk. good lord. .

yes i know this is a lot of questions, shut up. wait, don't shut up cause i need answers. so help! and thanks! and smooches! and oooh, if you're good i'll give you those other recipe's that i completely forgot that i promised you!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

have realized at the same time that if you email me, i will answer. (how come everytime i read that line i hear "if you build it, he will come" in my head?)

no longer do you wonder what or who i'm referring to when i post. now, you all email and ask! and you're ballsy too! you say things like "ster, TELL ME WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW OR I WILL CUT YOU!" it's so cool to be physically threatened via email!

so, to whomever sent y'all the memo that emailing me means you actually get a response- thanks! because y'all are so fucking funny and fun and wonderful and amazing and talented and awesome and i love ya!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

i swear. i curse. i talk like a truck driver.. a sailor... or whoever else is supposed to have a potty mouth.

i post the way i speak. i write the way i talk. so anything you read, if you know me, you can hear me saying it. i've always been this way. i'm not an amazing writer. i don't really consider myself a writer at all. i'm a talker. and this is just another way for me to talk to you- but you have to read it. so it has nothing to do with my "lack of imagination" (thanks anonymous).. and everything to do with just how i speak in everyday life.

if you don't like to read the word fuck- then stop reading this blog. if my use of swear words is so offensive to you, then click the red x at the top of your page. because what you get when you come here is 100% jennster and it's not going to change. this is how i am. this is who i am. and you don't have to like it. you.don't.have.to.like.me. and i'm perfectly okay with that. i don't "need" to be liked.

i am not naive enough to think that every single person who comes across this blog would want to be my best friend forever. i don't think that everyone can relate to me. i don't think i appeal to the masses. and in all honesty, someone who would judge me based on the profanity i choose to use or not use, isn't someone i'd want to be friends with anyway. someone that judgemental isn't someone i need reading my blog. they probably don't understand me- unless it's to pick me apart, or judge, or bitch at me for being such an awful person. which is so freaking lame. get a hobby.

yes, i cuss. get over it. or stop reading it. i won't apologize for being myself. i don't feel bad about who i am. i freaking rock- just like all of who read this blog and actually enjoy it too!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

i can't handle reading another goodbye from a blogger. there have been SO MANY goodbye posts in the past month or so, it's almost overwhelming. but i think i'm jaded, because i immediately read those, and don't believe them. far too many people post these long, drawn out goodbye's, only to come back the next day. there is one particular blogger who has posted that they will stop blogging at least a handful of times (since i've been reading)- only to post again within the hour, almost every single time. it's like a dammed vicious circle with this person. life is too hard. i'm stopping blogging. i can't stop. i'm back. *rips out hair*

all of this stems from my message board. i've seen this behavior before. people want to leave the forum, so they post these goodbye posts and then they get a million comments and emails from people begging them to stay. and so they stay. and then when the message board life gets too rough again, here comes the "i'm leaving forever!!" post- which really means, "i'll be back tomorrow!"

so that is why when i read posts from bloggers saying they're leaving forever, my gut instinct is, that they're not. and then i wonder why they posted anything like that in the first place? for the sake of my sanity, please think about why you're doing this. if you're thinking about stopping blogging- then take the time to think about it. don't post that you're leaving, and then think about it. think first. just leave your last blog post up while you weigh the pro's and con's of blogging. if everyone gets concerned as to why you're not posting- they can email you. right? right. once you've actually made a decision in regards to your future and blogging, then post about it. i mean, if you feel the need. because that's the other part of this. half of me wonders why people post that they're leaving, while the other half of me totally understands why they do it. but why do people post and leave their comments open? do they want to get hundreds of comments begging them to stay? do they need the reassurance that they are liked? do they need one last ego boost? but if that has nothing to do with why they're stopping, then it makes no sense to me. i guess if i was to stop- i would most likely post something about it. i would feel like i owed the people who read this blog an explanation as to why i was stopping, or taking a break, etc. or maybe i would want to post why i was stopping for myself. i'm not good with leaving things open and unanswered. but i like to think that i would close the comments.

i don't know. maybe i'm being way too bitchy about all of this. it's just that i'm not good with feeding people's ego's when they need them fed. and sometimes i wonder if that's all those "goodbye" posts are.

please note that when it's a genuine goodbye post from a writer i enjoy reading, the sadness that comes with that is real. and i also understand that sometimes we post those goodbye's and mean them at the time. and then we come back because we realized that we made a mistake and leaving wasn't what would make us happy. i know that every situation is different and every individual is different as well. i guess my whole point is to not jump on the "goodbye forever" bandwagon without truly thinking things through. my heart can't take it.

Monday, October 23, 2006

means that if you see something on someone's else's blog, and it inspires you to write something on your own blog- or if you blatantly take something you saw on someone's blog (like a video, or a picture, etc)... fucking give the person credit.

when i took the video about beauty, i gave izzy credit because she is who i "stole" the idea from. don't pass off ideas as your own if they were genuinely inspired or blatantly taken from someone else.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

i recently went to a book signing and discussion with some people from work. now this isn't normally something i do, but the author is a friend of mine, and i really wanted to attend. she is such an inspiring woman. she has had quite the life and is honestly someone i feel like i could learn a lot from in many, many ways. there is just something about her that makes me smile everytime i see her. from the first moment i met her, i was greeted by the kindness in her eyes and the sincerity of her smile. in my opinion, she is one of the neatest people i've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

her talk tonight was emotional. she was discussing love, loss and the grieving process. she talked at great depth about her own personal journey in losing someone and how she overcame it, instead of letting it overcome her. it was powerful. it was heartbreaking. and it was inspiring. she shared stories of her experiences, as well as how her experiences affected other people. it was a very human story and it touched all of us in that room.

she has a quote in her book that is from another book (jack kornfield's "the art of forgiveness")- and the sick blogger that i am thought to myself as she read it... "oh my gosh, i have to share this because i think every single person has experienced grief at some level. experienced some sort of loss... maybe not in the death way, but loss of innocence.. loss of perception.. loss of something. and in losing anything you held dear, there is a grieving process. a letting go. so i bet everyone could relate to this. i have to share it!"

so here it is:"grief is one of the heart's natural responses to loss. when we grieve we allow ourselves to feel the truth of our pain, the measure of betrayal or tragedy in our life. by our willingness to mourn, we slowly acknowledge, integrate, and accept the truth of our losses. sometimes the best way to let go is to grieve.it takes courage to grieve, to honor the pain we carry. we can grieve in tears or in meditative silence, in prayer or in song. in touching the pain of recent and long-held griefs, we come face to face with our genuine human vulnerability, with helplessness and hopelessness. these are the storm clouds of the heart.most traditional societies offer ritual and commnal support to help move through grief and loss. we need to respect our tears. without a wise way to grieve, we can only soldier on, armored and unfeeling, but our hearts cannot learn and grow from the sorrows of the past."

i found it to be beautifully touching. and i hope that in reading it, you too, get something beautiful from it. thank you jane- for all you shared and continue to share. her book is called Love & Loss and i invite you to visit her at her website. she's expecting you. *wink*

Friday, October 20, 2006

why does everyone just assume that their kids are invited to the wedding?

why do people who haven't had a serious girlfriend/boyfriend for years assume that they can bring a date? if you aren't in a serious relationship, then you don't get to bring a date. sorry, but when mommy and daddy aren't paying for the wedding, i guess you're a lot more mindful of just where exactly the money is going. i'd like to think that even if my parents were paying for the wedding (just the thought of that at my age makes my stomach turn) i'd still be mindful. no bringing dates for the sake of bringing a date. not on my dime.

and if one more person "jokes" about me paying for their hotel room for the weekend, i'm going to rip all of my fucking hair out.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

i know, it's not even halloween yet and i'm getting my panties in a wad about christmas!! but this morning as i was driving to work, drinking my chai tea latte from starbucks, i was consumed by an overwhelming feeling of giddiness about christmas!!!! i think it's because that chai tea tastes the way christmas smells. come on, i know that makes sense to someone! maybe there's cinnamon in it, or something- but i always think of christmastime smells when i drink that tea.

anyway, christmas. i love it so much! not the actual day, but more like the whole month of december. there is something about christmas that changes people. everyone seems more giving. happier. and it's just fun to be out and about because everything is decorated!! what other time of year does the entire freaking world decorate anything they can with holiday cheer? i love the feeling. i love everything about it (yes, even the cold). so yeah. that's it. christmas giddiness in october!

ps- i'll post the other recipes soon. they are delish! thank you to my good friend shawna who gave me all of the recipe's i'll be sharing with you. she's the best! :)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

i didn't think so. well i'm sick so i have nothing good to say except for that i'm about to go back upstairs, crawl into bed, and not wake up until i have to take blake to football practice.

i stumbled across this on izzy's blog today and i want to put it here as well. i think it speaks volumes in a short amount of time. interpret it how you will, but ladies, it's no wonder that our appearance and weight is such an issue with us. scariest part is, i don't see it ever changing.

and now, my sickliness will leave you with a recipe for the easiest fudge in the universe (speaking of weight issues, and not feeling good about our bodies.. LET'S EAT FUDGE!!!).

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

i mean, apparently something does right? because that is what i keep hearing. even though we already live together. already are raising a child together. something changes once we actually say "i do."

my gf said that expectations change. even though mentally you're fully aware that they shouldn't- they still do. i guess i can understand that. boyfriend, now that you are husband, you MUST clean up after yourself. of course. perfectly logical. ha!

but really, i can understand the feeling of now that you're my "husband" and not just my "boyfriend" you should be responsible for certain things and certain behaviors.. but is it fair to feel that way? i mean, is that completely illogical? i'm curious what will change. i like to be mentally prepared for things like this. did anything change for you?

Sunday, October 15, 2006

my sister, niece and nephew finally came up to visit us this weekend!! i've been here over a year and this was the first time they could get their schedules to coordinate and actually come visit. I WAS SO EXCITED when i got the call on friday that they were doing this! my niece is a sneaky little biotch and she planned the whole thing. god i love her. she's such a little me! :)

it was the best weekend ever! boyfriend and i took them to san francisco because the kids have never been there. and then we surprised blake at his football game. it was perfect! i love my sister, niece and nephew so much. being with them is one of the best things in life for me. moving away from southern california was hard, but hands down, the hardest thing of all was leaving them. i need them in my life. it's not about want when it comes to that group of people. it's about need. i need my sister. being without her just plain sucks. everything in life is just THAT much better when she's around. she's so much fun and beautiful and kind and crazy. we just look at eachother and start cracking up. you'd never know there were 8 years between us. as adults, we sure don't act like it. it's extremely hard to be away from them on a day to day basis. blake and achoo (what we call my nephew) are so close, it breaks my heart to have moved him so far away. and i adore my niece like no one else on earth. i constantly feel like i'm missing out on so much in their lives and i just hate that.

BUT, it was wonderful to see them and spend time with them this weekend. i am so happy that they got to come up and see our place and play around with us. it was awesome!!!

**WARNING for my new very best friend forever, teri- there are some pictures of my big nose and my "pregnant" belly to follow... you might want to cover your eyes.**

Thursday, October 12, 2006

because that's what i do. everywhere i go, i run into people who talk about los angeles and how awful it is. how much they hate it and how everyone there is fake. i will tell you, internet, what i tell all of them:

LA is not fake. you want to know who's fake? the people who move here from another state and completely lose who they are. it's the girl from some small midwestern town with big dreams who moves to LA and then completely loses her sense of self. gone are her genetic tits (not to mention her brain). her hair is probably now bleached blonde and she's into whatever fad us angelino's are into on that particular day.

it's the guy who moves here because he too, wants to be an actor. gone is the once sweet, kind mannered boy and in his place is whatever asshole he thinks it takes to be in this town. how quickly he's become one of the people whose first words are, "so what do you do?" when he meets someone new.

it's those types of people, who are trying so hard to be someone they're not. they want so badly to be in the game, that they don't stop to realize that it's other people just like them who created the game in the first place. they put on a show. an act. all because they feel that whoever they are, isn't quite good enough.

most people agree when i tell them that. because i really do believe it's true. it's not the average person who was born and raised here (please note that people born and raised in beverly hills are a different breed all their own). because that would be me. a native. and last time i checked, i wasn't anything like those people- even though i've often worked in the entertainment industry and had every opportunity to turn into a plastic surgery floosy. oh, that sounds hot!

i will admit that a lot of the LA stereotypes are true. i could go on and on about what a bad ass a guy thinks he is based on the car he drives. or how every female in the city wants to know what you can do for them... and often, it's something they ask. i could probably go on for days about the money factor, and how people think that their income alone should be enough to impress you. and how for tons of people, it is enough.

certain shitty stereotypes are true. and while they are things that people hate about the city- i love los angeles for it. all of it. all of these things are what makes this town. there's no other place on earth that's exactly like it. every place has its own unique feel and character, and this just happens to be a part of LA's. and while certain things make me downright sick to my stomach, other things i just laugh my ass off about. probably because i've never really cared. i've never tried to be someone i'm not. i've never wanted anything from anyone i didn't know. so i can see through the game. i watch the players, but never had to be one of them. you can't blame the city for the way people act, or change. it's one of the coolest places in the US, in my opinion. where else can you dance at a club while leonardo dicaprio watches? or eat lunch 5 feet from jennifer aniston? it's a rare and crazy place, this town. but i freaking love it.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

do your kids call your friends mr/mrs lastname? cause blake doesn't. i've never introduced him to any of my personal friends as miss, mrs, mister anything. i would laugh my ass off if he called a girlfriend of mine mrs. so and so. and i think my friends would be like, "AH, don't call me that!!!"

i know that i don't want any of blake's friends calling me mrs. ster. i like being called jenn. or blake's mom. or pretty pierced eyebrow lady. (okay the last one is a little creepy). but i'm bringing this up because someone asked me the other day if blake called people mr. & mrs. or not. and we got into a discussion about how when we were kids, we called all of our parents friends mr & mrs. and that stemmed into respect. so i was wondering if i was the only one raising a disrespectful little heathen?

my reasons for not having him do this, partly could be based on how young i was when i had blake. and the fact that it never even occurred to me to have him call my personal friends, mrs. lastname. i don't call them that, why should he? i guess he calls people whatever name i introduce them as. it's true that i will introduce him to my parents friends as mr or mrs lastname, because once again, that's what i call them.

how do you introduce your friends to your kids? and do you think it's disrespectful if they call people by their first names? talk to me people!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

you know, i've never participated in the "perfect post" awards and never really wanted too. no offense to anyone, but each month it's the exact same group of blogs who "win." in my opinion, it's pretty redundant. not to mention the fact that i am so not a "perfect post" type of blogger.but this award is definitely up my alley and far more my style.

the ROFL awards - or, roll on the floor laughing, for all you non-internet-lingo people out there (ahem- grandpa). i think there are lots of funny bloggers in blogland. my goal is to try to introduce to you a blogger you might not know yet. someone who isn't all over everyone's blogroll. someone who we don't already know as funny or perfect. (but if you read my blog, you most likely DO know her).

i nominated becky for this post because it cracked me up. it's the simple things in life. it's the things our kids say without thinking anything about it. and it's the moms who remember it, blog it, and hit publish so we can all share in it together. so thank you becks. for posting a funny that made me laugh. you rock!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

... who played the drums for the FIRST TIME EVER a few weekends ago and was actually, GOOD. we were at a garden reception for boyfriend's brother when i heard the drums playing in the background. i didn't think anything of it because they weren't great, but they didn't suck either. it wasn't the feeling of "oh my god, what the hell kid is banging on those drums, and someone shoot him please!!!"

but then someone said to me, "hey jenn, that's blake playing the drums you know." and i thought, "bullshit." but they insisted that it was him. so i looked. and it was. and then i think sunbeams shot from my eyes and ears with pride as i silently thought to myself, "he so doesn't suck at this!" because he so didn't. and then i said that thought not so silently to anyone who would talk to me or make eye contact. and in my opinion, that's pretty damn cool. (not the me talking part, the blake playing the drums well part.) so maybe we have a natural drummer on our hands?

Thursday, October 05, 2006

well IT IS. best cake ever. it's chocolate with white buttercream and i pretty much would eat it daily if it wouldn't make me fat.

so i'm at the store and i'm giving the cake fuck me eyes when a lady walks up and looks at the display case. i proceed to inform her that the cake i'm trying to sleep with not only is the best cake in the free world, but it will make you live longer, and cut your gas prices in half! she starts laughing. apparently she's my new best friend because i also inform her that the cake is so damn good, that i randomly make up excuses to buy it. oh my gosh, it's saturday- cake day! i'm breathing today- we should celebrate with cake! you peed on the potty? (mom, i'm 8) so what? CAAAAKE! it's possible that my new best friend ran away from me screaming, but i can't really be certain.

i'd like to think i'm entertaining and funny in real life, but what if this is just further proof that i'm a freaking nutcase?!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

i have to blog about my fish. fine, he's blake's fish- but he is SO my fish. i feed him. i change the damn water. i clean the fucking tank that is so heavy i practically break my back carrying it to the bathroom. see- MY FISH! *sighs*

dodger. that's his name. he is the biggest freaking goldfish ever! he keeps growing and it cracks me up. it's kind of gross that he is that big, but it's funny too. he sucks up the rocks at the bottom of the tank and then he drops them, and they make this big crash sound! can fish hear? cause i think that's why he does it. for attention. look at me! look at me! *drops rocks*

know what else he does? he likes to jump. like seriously. if there was no top on the tank, i swear he'd jump out of the damn thing! whenever i clean the tank, i put dodger (and sprinkles- the other large, but not even close to as cool, fish) into a bucket. suddenly, i will hear these ridiculous large splashes! when i turn around, I CAN SEE DODGER IN THE AIR! the freaking fish is above the top of the bucket! he's crazy. freaking insane. but i love it!

i have the coolest fish in the universe! someone get my clown fish an agent! :)you have to see how big he is in comparison to the size of the tank (ps, it's a 5 gallon tank)!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

on the football field this past weekend. i wish so badly that i had a picture of him getting creamed, but i don't. needless to say- IT.WAS.AWESOME!

he was ready to tackle this other kid, but that kid had way too much speed built up and by the time he got to blake, he POUNDED him and tossed him to the ground! it was the hardest blake's been hit all season and while for a moment, my heart stopped, it started back up just as quickly when blake got back on his feet.

i am loving football. i would love it more if blake played the whole entire game (totally rare at this age and with a team of his size), but still. it is so different from baseball and it's just really fun to watch. everything about it is different than baseball and since that is the only sport we've played up until now- it's just been a really fun experience. i like that blake plays more than just 1 sport.

plus- he's so freaking cute in his uniform!!!!!edited to add- blake doesn't like it when i say he got smoked. he gets VERY upset and insists that he tripped or slid.. or something. no matter how much i tell him it was awesome and he did his job on the field and sometimes that happens.. he doesn't want to hear it. and he doesn't want me saying it out loud to people that he got creamed. imagine his horror if he knew i posted this.

Monday, October 02, 2006

"I used to write poetry to her to tell her how much she meant to me...sadly poetry is something that doesn't come easy for me lately...I can't force it as much as I'd like to have new poems for her every day....my poetry is more about sincerity than about impressing her, hopefully my pen will spring to life again....but seriously...I could never ever put into words how much I need this woman in my life.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

i would still love some ideas from any of you on what we should blog about for the next dad said, mom said. of course, with all this bachelor party talk, it would seem pretty obvious what we should discuss. but i really don't feel like bringing a third blog into this crap. do you? didn't think so.

i just baked a really large chocolate chip cookie and i'm going to go stuff my face with it now. have i mentioned lately that the dodgers rule and the giants drool?