Rules of grammar, notes on vocabulary, and observations about the mechanics of writing.

Monday, February 18, 2008

What Corporate America Can't Build: A Sentence

The 2004 New York Times story below reminds us how important it isthat the kids in our schools learn to write clear, concise, reasonably graceful English.

What Corporate America Can't Build: A SentenceBy SAM DILLONBLOOMINGTON, Ill. - R. Craig Hogan, a former universityprofessor who heads an online school for business writinghere, received an anguished e-mail message recently from aprospective student."i need help," said the message, which was devoid ofpunctuation. "i am writing a essay on writing i work forthis company and my boss want me to help improve theworkers writing skills can yall help me with someinformation thank you".Hundreds of inquiries from managers and executives seekingto improve their own or their workers' writing pop into Dr.Hogan's computer in-basket each month, he says, describinga number that has surged as e-mail has replaced the phonefor much workplace communication. Millions of employeesmust write more frequently on the job than previously. Andmany are making a hash of it."E-mail is a party to which English teachers have not beeninvited," Dr. Hogan said. "It has companies tearing theirhair out."A recent survey of 120 American corporations reached asimilar conclusion. The study, by the National Commissionon Writing, a panel established by the College Board,concluded that a third of employees in the nation'sblue-chip companies wrote poorly and that businesses werespending as much as $3.1 billion annually on remedialtraining.The problem shows up not only in e-mail but also in reportsand other texts, the commission said."It's not that companies want to hire Tolstoy," said SusanTraiman, a director at the Business Roundtable, anassociation of leading chief executives whose corporationswere surveyed in the study. "But they need people who canwrite clearly, and many employees and applicants fall shortof that standard."Millions of inscrutable e-mail messages are cloggingcorporate computers by setting off requests forclarification, and many of the requests, in turn, are alsochaotically written, resulting in whole cycles ofconfusion.Here is one from a systems analyst to her supervisor at ahigh-tech corporation based in Palo Alto, Calif.: "Iupdated the Status report for the four discrepancies Lennieforward us via e-mail (they in Barry file).. to make suremy logic was correct It seems we provide Murray withincorrect information ... However after verifying controlson JBL - JBL has the indicator as B ???? - I wanted to makesure with the recent changes - I processed today - beforeMurray make the changes again on the mainframe to 'C'."The incoherence of that message persuaded the analyst'semployers that she needed remedial training."The more electronic and global we get, the less importantthe spoken word has become, and in e-mail clarity iscritical," said Sean Phillips, recruitment director atanother Silicon Valley corporation, Applera, a supplier ofequipment for life science research, where most employeeshave advanced degrees. "Considering how highly educated ourpeople are, many can't write clearly in their day-to-daywork."Some $2.9 billion of the $3.1 billion the NationalCommission on Writing estimates that corporations spendeach year on remedial training goes to help currentemployees, with the rest spent on new hires. Thecorporations surveyed were in the mining, construction,manufacturing, transportation, finance, insurance, realestate and service industries, but not in wholesale,retail, agriculture, forestry or fishing, the commissionsaid. Nor did the estimate include spending by governmentagencies to improve the writing of public servants.An entire educational industry has developed to offerremedial writing instruction to adults, with hundreds ofpublic and private universities, for-profit schools andfreelance teachers offering evening classes as well asworkshops, video and online courses in business andtechnical writing.Kathy Keenan, a onetime legal proofreader who teachesbusiness writing at the University of California Extension,Santa Cruz, said she sought to dissuade students fromsending business messages in the crude shorthand theylearned to tap out on their pagers as teenagers."hI KATHY i am sending u the assignmnet again," one studentwrote to her recently. "i had sent you the assignmentearlier but i didnt get a respond. If u get this assgnmentcould u please respond . thanking u for ur cooperation."Most of her students are midcareer professionals inhigh-tech industries, Ms. Keenan said.The Sharonview Federal Credit Union in Charlotte, N.C.,asked about 15 employees to take a remedial writing course.Angela Tate, a mortgage processor, said the courseeventually bolstered her confidence in composing e-mail,which has replaced much work she previously did by phone,but it was a daunting experience, since she had been out ofschool for years. "It was a challenge all the way through,"Ms. Tate said.Even C.E.O.'s need writing help, said Roger S. Peterson, afreelance writer in Rocklin, Calif., who frequently coachesexecutives. "Many of these guys write in inflated languagethat desperately needs a laxative," Mr. Peterson said, andnot a few are defensive. "They're in denial, and who'sgoing to argue with the boss?"But some realize their shortcomings and pay Mr. Peterson tohelp them improve. Don Morrison, a onetime auditor atDeloitte & Touche who has built a successful consultingbusiness, is among them."I was too wordy," Mr. Morrison said. "I liked long,convoluted passages rather than simple four-word sentences.And I had a predilection for underlining words and throwingin multiple exclamation points. Finally Roger threatened torip the exclamation key off my keyboard."Exclamation points were an issue when Linda Landis Andrews,who teaches at the University of Illinois at Chicago, led aworkshop in May for midcareer executives at an automotivecorporation based in the Midwest. Their exasperatedsupervisor had insisted that the men improve their writing."I get a memo from them and cannot figure out what they'retrying to say," the supervisor wrote Ms. Andrews.When at her request the executives produced letters theyhad written to a supplier who had failed to deliver partson time, she was horrified to see that tone-deaf writinghad turned a minor business snarl into a corporateconfrontation moving toward litigation."They had allowed a hostile tone to creep into theletters," she said. "They didn't seem to understand thatthose letters were just toxic.""People think that throwing multiple exclamation pointsinto a business letter will make their point forcefully,"Ms. Andrews said. "I tell them they're allowed twoexclamation points in their whole life."Not everyone agrees. Kaitlin Duck Sherwood of SanFrancisco, author of a popular how-to manual on effectivee-mail, argued in an interview that exclamation pointscould help convey intonation, thereby avoiding confusion insome e-mail."If you want to indicate stronger emphasis, use all capitalletters and toss in some extra exclamation points," Ms.Sherwood advises in her guide, available atwww.webfoot.com, where she offers a vivid example:">Should I boost the power on the thrombo?"NO!!!! If youturn it up to eleven, you'll overheat the motors, and ITMIGHT EXPLODE!!"Dr. Hogan, who founded his online Business Writing Center adecade ago after years of teaching composition at IllinoisState University here, says that the use of multipleexclamation points and other nonstandard punctuation likethe :-) symbol, are fine for personal e-mail but thatcompanies have erred by allowing experimental writingdevices to flood into business writing.He scrolled through his computer, calling up examples ofincoherent correspondence sent to him by prospectivestudents."E-mails - that are received from Jim and I are not eithergetting open or not being responded to," the purchasingmanager at a construction company in Virginia wrote in onememorandum that Dr. Hogan called to his screen. "I wantedto let everyone know that when Jim and I are sending oute-mails (example- who is to be picking up parcels) I amwanting for who ever the e-mail goes to to respond back tothe e-mail. Its important that Jim and I knows that theperson, intended, had read the e-mail. This gives anacknowledgment that the task is being completed. I amasking for a simple little 2 sec. Note that says "ok", "Igot it", or Alright."The construction company's human resources directorforwarded the memorandum to Dr. Hogan while enrolling thepurchasing manager in a writing course."E-mail has just erupted like a weed, and instead ofconsidering what to say when they write, people now justlet thoughts drool out onto the screen," Dr. Hogan said."It has companies at their wits' end."