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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Milestones and Shiny Dog Poop

So first off, you guys all effing RULE because that last post on Adam Levine, nuts, butts and soap shards? HIGHEST COMMENT COUNT EVER. Yes, some of mine are in there, but still! 37 or so thoughts on the subject is pretty big for me, and is appreciated more than you know!

You guys are awesome.

Also? Thanks to Bruce who has brought me up to 70 awesome folks willing to push the "Follow" button for this here itty bitty blog.

In case you were wondering, in terms of highest number of comments, bringing up the rear was Sparkling Clean Colon? (See what I did there? Do ya? DO YA??) with 26 comments. If you haven't read it, you should. I am all about pride, privacy, and appropriateness at all times.

Stop laughing!

On to other things. Two nights ago Schultz ate my last 300gram bag of Lindt Lindor chocolates, that were individually wrapped in tinfoil, made to look like tree ornaments. He got all but three.

You should probably know that:
A) Chocolate is toxic to dogs.
B) I fucking WANTED those chocolates for breakfast. EXPECTED it.
C) The ornaments also had strings, so foil and string are currently working their way through Schultz' intestines.
D) I didn't know he would possibly want or steal wrapped food. Only Scooby had a taste for Lindor chocolates.
E) I ate two of the white chocolate ones before going to bed.
F) He missed one dark chocolate one (my least favourite) in the couch cushions. Either that, or he didn't like those ones either.

Well, since he ate them Tuesday night, I have been accompanying him out in the snow to make sure all bodily functions are proceeding as normal. I found red Lindor tinfoil in his poop today. (Yes I checked. I could see it glimmering from a distance... the things a mother does...)

And know what? I cleaned it up right away so -
wait for it -
hope you haven't eaten/aren't eating -
you ready? -

So that he wouldn't be tempted by the aftermath into enjoying it a second time.

Treasures? Well, our black lab Belle is fond of grass. Only certain (tall, wide blade) grass seems to be to her liking. -see where I'm going with this? Makes poopy time a joint activity. Yeah, you see the long blades coming out but not easily so like any good "parents" we have to ,....pull. Ewww.

awesome husband and i lived in the same house as my mom (we enjoy communal living because my scottish blood makes me a cheap bitch) and were married and of course having safe sex. we had a rottweiler named nibbler (best. dog. ever.) who pooped in the backyard and mom would clean it up with her little shovel.

well, one day mom was picking up nibbler's poop and found a used condom.

we immediately went out and purchased one of those garbage cans that has a pedal-operated lid.

biscuit stole chicken mcnuggs and fries off the dining room table. she walked into the living room vurrrrrry cautiously and wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. that's always the dead fucking giveaway.

@middle child - Oooh, be careful with the pulling outage. I read a post on another blog about a cat needing emerg. surgery, no shit! (pardon the pun) And, no, I am not Rickrolling you... http://bit.ly/i7f3SB

We've done it before, with the childhood cat, Marnie. Poor thing. Marnie + Tinsel = us playing lawnmower pull-start with her bum....

@You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... - They definitely aren't subtle, are they? My sis has a cat who repeatedly steals loaves of bread and hauls them downstairs (to eat in privacy). Cheeseburgers, too. He's a dog/cat cross, I swear.

@jess - I'd have to think all that wax and dye would not be good for said pup. Also... towel?! I can't believe it didn't get stuck. My sister's dog would eat scrunchies (back when they were cool), and baby socks. They would come... uh... 'out' whole.

My beautiful American Dingo, Fiona, used to eat fleece. In the winter, I would wake up in the morning to wet holes in the blanket. She also once ate a $30 blush I had just bought. Along with most of the new brush I had purchased the same day. Oh, and ate a hole in the "kitty pie" I had knit and felted for the kitties. Crazy Dingo. I say that a LOT.

@The Empress - 'Tis true, the boy DOES have good taste. He picked us and he picked Lindor so I have no good argument...

@Mynx - I left it in the plastic bag under the chair on the couch. Yes, you did read that right. We have to put our dining room chairs on the furniture, lest he get up and sleep there (his double bed, dog bed, comforter, wing back chair and downstairs couch aren't enough for him!!) SO I didn't think it would be a problem.

@George - I know! That could have been my breakfast of champions. He's a trooper. Stole and entire pizza once, before we realized he knew how to open the box (and that he could reach the back of the counter).

@Brandy Rose - Indeed... He's got a solid 140-145lbs, on him, but I will never make the mistake of leaving ANY food out, within his reach (so cupboards or microwave). He can reach the top of the fridge if he is determined. (Usually when BF makes himself hamburgers).

Why do dogs like eating cat poop? Me ex's dog (ex dog?) would eat the cat poop right out of the kitty litter. She was afraid of thunderstorm and if she heard thunder would also jump into the kitty litter as well. talk about weird! (But then she was a small dog so was confused anyway.)

@V-Tom - I just don't understand it, but know it is a common phenomenon. You'd think the little pieces of gravel/litter would make it less... "satisfying". Seriously dogs eating poop is just something I will never understand.

Rarely known fact: litter protects all dogs from the mysterious dangers of boom booms (a.k.a. thunderstorms).

Well, here's a fun fact about dogs and poop (at least I am pretty sure it's a fact. I learned it in an anthropology class)

Dogs eat poop because they can. It is a survival niche for them. They are able to extract nutrition from it. It is likely that humans and dogs first came into contact because wild dogs would follow humans just to eat their particularly rich, delicious, nutritious poop.

But I'm a bit shocked about the chocolate. That sounds like a lot. Kinda like me making an arsenic milkshake.

@Richard G. Crockett - Please note that I didn't intend for him to eat it, nor did I think he would even be interested in it, as he has never attempted to do anything like it in the past. He had a full bowl of food as well. I know better now and will keep everything well out of reach.

I'd also advise against an arsenic milkshake. Or eating cat poo or dog poo.