Homeschooling: Six Truths I Wish I'd Known in the Beginning

I’ve spent the past 23 years homeschooling, and unless I collapse from exhaustion, I have 11 more to go. There are days when I’m not sure I’ll make it to the end, and if I don’t, I’m going to give myself the same grace and kindness I would give you and say, “Well done – that was amazing.”

Over the years, I’ve been hard on myself. I’ve compared myself to other homeschoolers, private schools, and public schools. I’ve fretted over my children’s failures and successes and feared I might have ruined them. Don’t ask about the year that one of my children “forgot” to do math for months (and I was too overwhelmed to check) – I promise, that child is now an adult with two college degrees.

If I could give my younger self some advice, this is what I would say.

1. You will never get it all done – and that’s okay.

Sure, there will be days when you pat yourself on the back as you check off the last item on the lesson plan, but most days you’ll find yourself packing up the books long before it’s complete. Some days you’ll spend an hour just trying to find a pencil that is relatively sharp and hasn’t had its eraser chewed off. Take a breath; tomorrow will be better (and don’t take 18 years to buy yourself a good pencil sharpener and Ticonderoga pencils – they’re the best).

2. Over the years, there will be periods of time when you hardly teach, and your kids will still learn.

One day you just might want to write a book titled, “Homeschooling by PBS.” During that stretch when you have a baby every 22 – 25 months; you will miss many days of structured schooling. And when you have a rough pregnancy and you’ve taken time to recover, call the year complete, order new books, bump everyone up one year and start a brand new school year in March. Just think, your kids will get ahead rather than fall behind.

3. You may never feel that you are doing a great job homeschooling, but you’re doing better than you think.

Don’t be so hard on yourself because ultimately it will make you harder on your children and that will take the joy out of homeschooling. Remember that your goals are long term – very long. There just might be a year when your kids test low in punctuation because, honestly, you sort of forgot to teach it to them, but they will learn it next year. Your goals go far beyond test scores, grade levels, or even grades – don’t bother to give them, especially when your kids are young. Go over their work, let them correct their mistakes, and move on.

4. Your children will learn more than you can ever imagine simply by being with you and their siblings.

The time you spend folding laundry, cooking, and serving others with your children by your side will have a greater impact than any number of formal lessons. Some of your children’s favorite memories will be of you reading aloud to them – I can’t emphasize how precious it is to snuggle up with your children while a story unfolds. Read to them often, and then read to them some more.

5. You won’t teach your children all that they need to know.

It’s simply not possible. Set your sights on teaching your children to love learning. Encourage curious minds and teach them to find the information they need. Allow messes when creativity is happening – even if it means your kitchen counters are cluttered with science experiments. Bring other people into their lives who will share their talents with your kids: techy folks, dog experts, master gardeners, writers, artists, coaches, and musicians, to name a few. Prepare them for a lifelong educational journey.

6. Step back and let God work in your children’s lives.

His plan is far better than yours anyhow. He has created your children with unique interests and talents; your job is to cultivate them. Encourage your kids to serve one another and people outside your home. Determine what is most important to your family and steep them in it. Some day you might make this your family mission statement: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.

***

Young mama, just starting out, you are undertaking something incredible. Homeschooling will be hard and sometimes more than you can manage, but you will never regret the time spent with your children. Hold on, it’s going to be an amazing journey.

I homeschooled for around 12 years and am now starting over with a little one. My two oldest have graduated from high school and are in college. I so agree–it's great to have big goals to try to achieve during the year and don't sweat the small daily things. They always seem to get it, even when it feels like you spend more time in the car or at the soccer field than "doing school." Great post, thanks!

Stephanie, I wonder if you have seen gradual changes in yourself as a homeschooler like I have? Watching my children grow up and simply having more life experience may be mellowing me a little. My younger kids can be thankful that I'm a more peaceful version of myself than my older kids knew. There is probably a blog post in that 🙂

I am a public school elementary teacher and I can say that these are wise words for every mama out there whether you work at home, homeschool, or work outside the home…the world is an amazing place and the human brain is an amazing organ!

Way back when I started our family homeschool someone gave me a bit of great advice that really helped me through the years. She said "Pam, Homeschool is not 'school' at home." In other words, it doesn't look like nor function like the public school I went to and does not need to. My boy are great self learners now and are furthering their education in college. I lived this list for many years. Great advice!

So true. I wasn't sure I could homeschool, and my children. I was also disabled. It is so amazing how God provided opportunities for us, and they learned well, and as with yours, they continue learning throughout life.

Some days I'm totally overwhelmed by the thought of beginning the homeschool adventure all over again and other days I can't wait for this little guy to be old enough to get started. 🙂 21 years down…16 to go!

Thank you for this Lisa!! We just finished our 1st yr of homeschooling and I felt like I didn't teach my daughter a thing. But I did find out that she has issues the school was not addressing and because of that I am calling this yr a success! Bring on next yr!!

THANK YOU so much, I've been wallowing in fear, counting down the days of summer til our official homeschooling days begin. Here's my unique challenge, I have an only child and so all that wonderful sibling love and learning isn't to be found. And getting together in a co-op and outside classes and playdates, um, way harder than you think. Gosh people have a lot of excuses. And then I sigh and think, my kid is all alone again. I know we can't afford private school anymore, and I'm not feeling any remote shred of peace for public school. Hello homeschool. Hello oh my lawd what on earth have I done.

I so appreciate your words of wisdom & encouragement! I am just beginning this amazing journey…completed K with my boy & looking forward to many years of learning together. My daughter is 3 and will enjoy the fun of learning alongside him. I take your advice to heart!!

#2 was my favorite! By all means, don't get stuck in the dreaded "we're BEHIND" mentality (as I was wont to do too much my first 5 years–and still sometimes find myself thinking), and if something is not working, just drop it! Skip ahead, go back–do whatever makes the most sense for your family's needs at the time. : )

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for the encouragement! We have four sons, ages 1-7. My goal for this past year was simply to establish a schedule: get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, do math. Most days, we succeeded! This next year's goal is to add grammar.

I'm reminded of an Ann Voskamp analogy, that parenting children is like the continual washing of waves upon the shore. Over and over, again and again, seemingly the same. But! *Water carves stone.* I am carving stone, raising the next generation of Christian men to lead and serve and love and glorify. It's the long obedience. Now there's a worthy homeschooling goal!

This is wonderful, thank you! We are only one year into our homeschooling journey and I have been wishing lately to hear advice from moms who have adult children who they homeschooled. It is such a helpful perspective and very encouraging.

Previous poster Rebecca with the only child, I graduated my one and only in 2013. Not only does she have no siblings, she has no father in her life. Our situations are unique in homeschooling, but so are everyone else's. I didn't find it hard to get involved in co-ops and play dates. Do you live in a remote area? If people are giving you excuses, find other people! Regardless, God knows your situation and He loves your child more than you do. You can't go wrong with giving your child yourself. You can do this! Will it be easy? Absolutely not! I hated the (many) nights when I got only 4 hours of sleep because as a single parent I had to work and homeschool. Will it be worth it? Absolutely! I love the time I spent with my daughter and wouldn't trade it for anything. Did I teach her all she needs to know? No, not even close. She's getting married in six months and her room is a disaster. I wonder what kind of housekeeper she's going to be. I'd rather she be a good wife, though, and let the housework slip than to have a neat house and a lousy marriage. She and her fiancé went to a bookstore yesterday and she got a book of nursery rhymes to read to her 2-yo cousin, many of which she remembers from me reading them to her and watching PBS shows together. THAT'S what I want her to take away from me and my house – good memories of togetherness. She can learn the other stuff anytime in life.

Love it! This is such an encouraging post. I especially loved this: "He (God) has created your children with unique interests and talents; your job is to cultivate them." So true!!! Thanks for sharing this…

Stopping by from Conservative Christian Mom and this is my first time to your page. I found your post link through NGJ. I can't tell you how much it is what I needed to hear today. I feel like you spoke right to me! Thank you for reminding me of how to act as a mom!

I never worried about coops or groups for solitary children, which you can have in a large family as well…find their passion and they will develop friendships with their mentors, neighbors, librarian s…that is one of the great beauties of homeschooling, a far broader circle of friends than those in your age group

So much wisdom in this! I'm thankful for the mama's who have gone before me and have so much grace and amazing advice to share along my path. It's a wonderful journey God has set me on and I already know I will never regret a second of it 🙂

This is our 12th yr homeschooling, the 4th yr with a child from hard places, the 1st yr of finally realizing we are working with significant fetal alcohol effects. When she came it disrupted birth order and we have 3 kids in 3 1/2 yrs. plus 3 older kids. Lots of days I thot I was going to go crazy. It is very hard for me to ‘accept the things I cannot change’. Fetal alcohol effects STINKS bad.
This is a great post. I also take issue with pencils being a trial of hs. And PBS is geat 🙂 And they really do learn from all around them when you encourage a lifestyle of learning. And reading aloud at nap time and bedtime does wonders. I credit that for how well our special child does do.
Now I have a question. I know you are working on your website but is there any way to bring back the random ‘you might like these ‘ posts? I clicked on those a lot and received SO much help. It is easier than trying to go to archives but maybe thats what I need to do.
Thanks for being real that sometimes its not all happy ever after. Although you seem so good at working it around to that. I don’t have much of a support group and so come here.

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Mentoring adoptive and foster moms with practical help and hope.I serve families by providing practical tools and hope through parent coaching, marriage mentoring, teaching, speaking, and writing. As a mom of 12 by birth and adoption (and more through foster care), wife of 34 years, and a Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®) Practitioner, I’m honored to walk alongside you as you navigate your family’s unique journey.

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