HELP Please somebody help me

I am so thankful to have ran across this site, especially at this moment. I need help...i have three kids, two girls, 8 and 6, and my son is 3. My girls live with me, son with dad. My 6 yr old daughter Gem has been troubled literally since she was an infant. Starting at three months old she would just get angry and spaz out, scratch ur face, pulling my hair as she got older. And not in the way most babies do. As she got older the doctors said her behavior is because she's 1, she's 2, so on and so forth. Now she's six and I'm scared there's something really wrong. She stays in trouble at home or school, almost as if she needs the attention even though its negative. She is a middle child but she has not gotten any less attention. She hits,kick,bites,spits on, screams at, pinches, whatever u can think of at school to classmates AND teachers. She threw her desk at her teacher two weeks ago. I have talked to her, spanked her, grounded her, taken away toys (everything too a few times), made her write sentences, talked to her more, put her in corner, I've done behavior charts, chore charts, new food charts, every chart you can imagine. NOTHING WORKS!!!! nothing. She acts the same way at home as she does at school. Mood swings are extremely unpredictable, intense, and frequent. I'm considering bipolar disorder. She used to behave for other people but now she's a nightmare no matter who she's with. She recently made up a story about a little boy at school touching her and that incident never took place. I was molested as a child so I know first hand the gravity of the situation but she admitted to her sister that she made it up. She also has recently become obsessed with talking about suicide. She told me that she hears voices in her head that tell her to kill her family and herself and says she is possessed by demons. I dont know what to do. I have started the process for counseling and she has an appointment soon. Has anyone dealt with this??? Please please please help me. There is more. The list goes on..

Sorry to hear you have such a bad situation with your daughter. How you describe her, it sounds she is very troubled little girl and she really can't help her behaviour much at all at this point. I would start by finding a reputable paediatric psychiatrist and more comprehensive evaluations would likely also be helpful (neuropsychologist, neurologist, occupational therapist, learning related psychological tests.) You want to find out what really is going on.

It may be that she will need medications and most likely some kind of professional help and therapy and accommodations for school. Unfortunately getting all those ducks on row is a lot of work, but better start as soon as possible.

I noticed that you have used many type of consequences based strategies to modify her behaviour and they have not worked. One thing you could consider would be to try reward based behaviour modification instead. Small, and really frequent rewards, only very short term consequences or punishments when absolutely necessary. I'm not really even suggesting that it would work much better at all for behaviour modification (it truly sounds like she doesn't have so much control over her behaviour), but it could help her think more positively of herself. It seems she is constantly in so much trouble, that it is very likely she considers herself to be a very bad girl and other negative perceptions of herself. That is never helpful.

Thank you so very much.
She does not have very high self esteem. She calls herself stupid, which is bad word in my house, and I have never talked to them in that way, she thinks everyone hates her. Its so sad. Hew new things are constantly chewing on her hair and she's doing this weird pursing kissy sound thing with her lips, repetitively, and I mean constantly, like she has a nervous tic. Will try ur suggestion with behavior modification. Thanks again

It would probably be helpful if you could get her in to a comprehensive evaluation - the kind that take 6-10 hours, over more than one day. Sometimes it's done by a neuropsychologist, sometimes by a PhD-level psychologist with a specialty in testing/evaluation, and sometimes by a team which is usually based out of a children's or teaching hospital. Usually a waiting list.

There are a number of different possibilities going on here. I'm not an expert, and even if I was, can't evaluate her from over the 'net. But some things stand out. The repetitive/constant "nervous tic" stuff. The hair-trigger reactions.

Start a journal. Record every detail you can, DAILY. Look back daily, too. You might notice some patterns... like, always blows up when she's hungry or thirsty (it's a common trigger, actually), or doesn't want to wear a particular shirt (or only wants to wear ONE all the time). This can also be shared with the evaluator (don't give the original - you need to keep doing this).

Catch some of her "tantrums" on video, even if it's just cell phone - far more impact than trying to "tell" a specialist.

Find ways to simplify life. I assume you work - therefore, probably before-and-after school care as well as school. Rushed in the morning. Tired and hungry at night. Try and get on a routine - same EVERY day (yes, no sleeping in on weekends). Pick your battles - if everything is an issue, the kid has no hope. Don't hit your sister might be higher on the list than eating your vegetables. Speaking of which - you probably already know this, but don't make food a fight.

I am glad you are here and understand how hard and frightening this must be.

I agree with the other responses: take your daughter to a Children's Hospital in a metropolitan area if possible. I would see a child neurologist, a neuropsychologist and a psychiatrist. I did this for my own child.

I agree with Insane's point about rewards. The behavior diary is a great idea. Maybe a food and sleep diary would help too. The more information you have the better. It will help you too to get some distance. Try as much as you can to be an observer and try not to take it personally. I know how hard it is to do.

You need to remember that nothing about this is your fault.

Besides that, try right now to just focus on getting her to experts. Many professionals might think that she is too young to diagnose bipolar disorder, so I would keep my mind open right now.

When she does get a diagnosis, depending upon what it is, you can try and get her to a school that can help her and you, with an IEP. My son went to such a school from 6th grade on.

The other thing to think about is diet. There are food additives that can have powerful negative effects.

Children can be very sensitive to environmental factors. More than we are.

Any chance she is having small seizures? My son at her age began to have seizures. They are not necessarily easily noticeable. There could be something happening to her internally that she cannot understand or communicate to you.

Do you know well the people who care for her and with whom she interacts? Is there some influence to which she may be reacting?

Keep posting. Many of us have been through this or something similar.

You are doing it. You are a good Mom, trying to find solutions and to help your daughter and doing it alone, in a hard, hard situation.

This kid needs a total neuropsychologist evaluation. There IS somehing offwith her, whether it's ADHD or autism. Early help gives a better prognosis and you CAN NOT successfully help her yourself or by guessing. Call a neuropsychologist's office TODAY so that your daughter gets diagonsed and has proper interventions. As you see, she is getting worse. You need to seek .out stellar professionals Sounds likee it could be high functioning autism to me and you need help to treat it