Beyond the Rescue Triangle ~ Part 3 (Conclusion)

Let’s face it, whatever my parents (and their parents, and their parents back to the beginning of time) did or didn’t do, the results now sit squarely in my lap. This is not to minimize the neglect, abuse and unconscious programming we endured. But if we did, indeed, endure, then our healing is now firmly in our hands. Ironically, the negative emotional environment, beliefs and roles we became indoctrinated to stem from our parents enactment of the Rescue Triangle – that’s where we learned it!

Unless we halt the drama (including, I’m a victim to my parents – even if, in fact I was) we perpetrate it unconsciously on everyone around us, our partners, our friends and our kids. Youch! The buck, well, it truly stops with you.

Loving oneself (and connecting with nature and Source) are ways we heal and stay whole. But why is it so hard? We’ve almost forgotten that active self loving is an available option and that’s because it (generally speaking) wasn’t modeled to us. Our parents never learned it either.

So let’s learn to apply this soul-soothing balm liberally, now, okay? Drop the venomous concept of “being selfish” and embrace your own empowerment. No healer, no lover, no surrogate parent can penetrate and you cannot “fill-up” until you personally ‘put the plug in the bathtub’ and allow love. All love that is truly received is predicated on self-love.

So get down! Pour it on! Make it up, if you have to at first. A couple of things may happen:

1. Your inner critic may get real LOUD. If it does, ask if that voice, feeling, belief is really you. Then ask that energy “what do you need?” Notice how this feels as it processes. This simple question allows that energy to return to the person, time, place that it belongs. It’s remarkable how energy shifts when you gently ask for its release back to its rightful place in the universe.

2. You may go blank. “I don’t know how to love myself or what I want”, “I don’t trust myself…”, etc. That’s okay. Go to the sure bets like, praise yourself on paper (for ANYTHING), take a walk in nature, honor your body with a nice long bath or shower with candles, good smelling soaps and music. Begin to pay attention and create occasions for feeling joyful, playing and having fun.

Think of the world that would be reflected if each of us quietly generated our own self love. When you looked around at others, you saw a little smile of contentment, mirroring and modeling self-satisfaction. (See how even that word triggers our training about selfishness?)

When we know ourselves, our needs and desires and fill those requirements, while gladly assisting others in doing the same for themselves, we create balance. There is no jockeying for position. We begin to dissolve the learned pattern of “better than/worse than” that allows us to be manipulated by our fear of loss or judgment.

When you’re ‘full up’ you become self- referenced and sovereign. This is wholeness, your soul and love-based Self.

Until now, well, it’s been a bad dream. No one is inherently more or less able or competent than anyone else. Sure, we have different skill sets, but it’s our conditioning that says some people are less whole than others.

As George Orwell wrote in his 1945 allegory, Animal Farm , “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” It’s precisely this illogical logic of our worldwide culture that has kept us entrenched in the high- stakes drama of the Rescue Triangle – be it personal, community-based or global. This is how our unconscious patterns have unwittingly generated the HA VE and HA VE NOT constructs everywhere.

It is only when we bring consciousness to our trained thinking and provide ourselves the love we so dearly desire, that we slip the yoke off and the manipulation ends.

Then and only then, can our authentic, self- generating abundance be lovingly shared with the world. For now, agenda-less, we are free.