Friday, July 25, 2014

Believing in Each Other

Running is like job hunting. No....job hunting is like dating. No, dating is like....a food crawl....in which you're not sure how much to eat now or save for later? Wait....what?

Well, usually the analogies work pretty well.

Anyway, last night I was chatting with someone about job world, and the value of companies investing in their employees. Having been a temp/contractor/freelancer for the last year (and an intern 3x during college), I know how it feels to be "temporary." And, companies have still usually treated me well during those phases, with a couple ornery exceptions. But....BUT....regardless of how great a company is, there is still something to be said for being a "real" employee.

Because it's more than just the job security and job title change and probably bigger paycheck.....it's a sense of ownership, and also a feeling of belonging. That full-time role says, "Hey, we value you. We want you as long as you'll have us. We think you're going to do a good job. Let's commit to each other."

Later, my mind started doing that whole analogy thing about this topic. And I thought, this applies to our interpersonal relationships as well.

When you treat someone like they're on trial in your life, they know it. They can feel it. Whether it's dating, friendship, marriage, neighbors, etc., people have a way of picking up when they are constantly being evaluated. And there's a huge amount of insecurity that comes with that -- with not knowing if you've fully been accepted or approved for the long run.

And, there's insecurity in never knowing if you're measuring up to someone else's standards. Do we trust our friends to pick us up at the airport on time without nagging them about their habit of being late? Do we let our kids load the dishwasher without reorganizing it afterward so it looks neat and orderly? (Gosh I've never even mastered that, and I'm an adult.) Do we grab the crying baby from the husband every time because we just know how to handle it better?

When we do things like that, what we're really saying to that person is that they're not good enough. When really, we never gave them a chance to figure it out or succeed.

I once had a teacher who gave our class a few pieces of life advice, and one thing he said was, "Plant a tree."

By that he meant, put down roots. When you move into a new neighborhood, invest in it long-term. Put down those seeds that say, "I'm going to be around for awhile because I'm committed to this."

We need to believe in each other more.

We need to commit, champion, promote, invest......in the people around us. We need to stand on the emotional lawns between our little hearts and plant some long-term trees. Rather than keeping each other on trial or temporary assignments, we should say and do things that say, "I'm here for you now.....and tomorrow....and the next day. I'm your friend, and your fan, and I'm not going anywhere. And, because I believe in you, I'm going to let you do things your way and cheer you on while you do it."

Because that's when people thrive, and that's when people feel secure -- when we believe they will win, and then continually act like we believe it.

This is why you have so many close and personal friends, and why you are everyone's bridesmaid. Because you care and it's obvious! Love the ideas of really putting down roots where you are and investing in people. It takes sacrifice and being less selfish. And it's what pays off most. BTW if we redo our wedding, will you be my bridesmaid?