I've come to ignore compliments unless they come from complete non-dancers who're amazed by what they've seen (like at a a wedding), or an instructor who's pointing out my strengths during a lesson.

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I'm kind of the opposite when it comes to non-dancers. I mean, I honestly do appreciate every compliment I get, but my opinion is that most non-dancers don't have a grasp of timing nor understand many of the little things that make some moves more or less difficult to execute. If a non-dancer liked "the big picture" of what I did, that's great, but I internalize the compliment more when it comes from a dancer who knows how much effort/practice went into making a certain sequence look good.

thespina13 said:

Take all compliments in the dance scene and otherwise with a grain of salt. Unless someone is a very close friend, a loved family member, or in a particlarly honest frame of mind (this can happen during sincere practice with a partner), most compliments are self-serving, unoriginal, or manipulative.

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"Most"? That seems a bit extreme! However, for some of the reasons that others posted, I'll admit that I tend to give slightly more credit to same-gender compliments, i.e., ones I receive from other men. It's not that I think every woman is after me , but I know that most men have absolutely nothing personal to gain by complimenting another guy's dancing. So, that makes it extra cool when it happens. Or, getting a compliment second-hand can be nice. For example, I danced several times with one friend last Friday, and she later told me that a friend of hers (who was watching on the side) made a remark about liking my style. Even if my friend was being manipulative by passing along the comment (which I don't think she was), at least the original speaker had almost no expectation of gaining anything from me via the candid conversation that was just between the two of them.

In certain settings, it can become a bit routine to say something nice to a partner after each dance, and maybe that de-values some of those women's sincerity in my mind. On the other hand, I personally do my best to thank every woman I dance with at the end of each dance, and I'll also say "that was fun" or "I really liked that dance" if it was a little more special than normal. I'll sometimes make a comment during the dance itself, if my partner does a particularly nice stylistic move. For some of the "regulars" who know I don't have an agenda of trying to get in their pants, then hopefully that means something to them.

I do wish I were better at giving compliments to people I've simply enjoyed watching on the social dance floor. I'm a little better at giving compliments to people who've just done a nice choreographed performance if I happen to run across them afterwards. It probably feels less awkward in those situations, since performers know they're being watched and are eager to hear positive feedback.

I think I'll be much more hesitant giving out compliments, as when I've done so in the past, I've gotten strange reactions. These were compliments to what I'd consider really good dancers, both male and female .... if I get "excited" watching someone, I like to tell them that I really appreciated their dancing, but perhaps when some folks get up to that level they're thinking "uh, WHO are YOU?... your compliment means squat to me!" And while on one hand I understand that yes, my compliment means nothing to them because they don't know where I am coming from, or who ELSE I might consider a good dancer and how those other dancers would compare to them, the fact remains that I am being completely genuine in my motive.

Blimey, spina! what a cynical world you live in! True, it's not good to take flattery to heart... but even if comments ARE self-serving, it does at least mean that person wants to be on your good side, and that in itself must be worth something!

I tend to respond to compliments with a smile and a "thanks!" but yeah - if you take flattery to heart you are equally vulnerable to insincerity, so a liberal seasoning with cracked pepper and more than a grain of salt is probably in order...

LoL.. believe me, I love compliments as much as the next person. I love them too much. Perhaps this is why I've changed my frame of mind over the last little while. So my head will shrink back down to a healthy size. Perhaps it's not the likelihood of an insincere compliment, but the humble acknowledgement of it that's more important. If one gets carried away with them, one is bound to be disappointed sooner or later when an insincere one is discovered. If one is more guarded and slightly less prone to flattery, one can preserve one's sanity and peace of mind.

Am I getting too guarded? Maybe. A lot of things in the last year have taught me to wear a little less of me on my sleeve (Not drastically less... I still want to be ME...)

I'm stingy with my compliments because I am somewhat of a perfectionist so i am hardest on myself. A couple of my previous dance partners commented on this too but the way I view it, if you do something that impresses me, then I have no problems throwing out a "nice job", "excellent" or even a "whoa!!" (if I'm really impressed). That way, it does not cheapen the sincerity of the compliment and you know you truly deserve it

As for my being complimented, I have been getting a lot more lately now that my dancing is improving (and showing). The oddest ones are when people come up to me and ask if I am either an instructor or latino! The last time I checked, I believe I was from Nigeria. *chuckle*

Big10 said:

However, for some of the reasons that others posted, I'll admit that I tend to give slightly more credit to same-gender compliments, i.e., ones I receive from other men. It's not that I think every woman is after me :razz: , but I know that most men have absolutely nothing personal to gain by complimenting another guy's dancing. So, that makes it extra cool when it happens. Or, getting a compliment second-hand can be nice. For example, I danced several times with one friend last Friday, and she later told me that a friend of hers (who was watching on the side) made a remark about liking my style. Even if my friend was being manipulative by passing along the comment (which I don't think she was), at least the original speaker had almost no expectation of gaining anything from me via the candid conversation that was just between the two of them.

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I totally concur with this. I find a compliment from a guy to bear more weight especially if it's a good salsero who might be more likely to say something bad about other salseros in order to "eliminate" the competition, so to speak. Competition is always a good thing but never to the point at which it becomes destructive.

As for my being complimented, I have been getting a lot more lately now that my dancing is improving (and showing).

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See, I got compliments even in the very very beginning, when I absolutely sucked (as opposed to my current state of only relative suckage). I knew they didn't mean I was objectively a good dancer. They meant my partners were nice people who could find the good bits in whatever I was doing and who wanted to encourage me. I was fine with that, and still am. (Unlike most of the salsa-achievers on here - kudos to you, guys - my goal is not actually to 'be a great dancer,' but just to enjoy myself and to develop naturally at my own pace.)

It goes along with my overall experience, which is that I have found the salsa community to be pretty nice. I've been on here a few times complaining about various subtle snubbinesses but really, I think I had a very soft landing compared to some of the awful behavior I read about on the fora. Probably it is partly that I have a pretty thick skin, and partly that it is just easier for women in general.

I got a very nice compliment last week in Colchester (yes I was there for English studies). When leaving the dancefloor after a unexpected fun & challenging dance one of the girls sitting at my table said when we came back: "She made you look good". It was said to him but was meant to be heard by all at that table. It was a fun paraphrase of the usal one "he makes you look good" :lol:.

I felt that this was a genuine compliment. And that girl had a sharp eye. The guy had a hugh reportoir of patterns, great musicallity and a lot of flava. But he had problems with the transitions from one pattern to another. Very often there was 4 beats to much. I soon found out the receipt for that - shimmering shoulders, a few quick steps or any other styling element made us synchronize. . Despite these problems it was a really hot and fun dance.

About compliments in general
I can recognize almost every post in this thread. I have meet the guy that is on the hunt & I've meet the one that really appreciate me for my dancing capability. A few guys have a flattering manner but you know they have a sincere core in all they say. Others I frankly give a ^Ä?=)(U/. Any how - compliments make me feel good - almost every time.

For myself I always tell guys I like to dance with. If it really was a great dance I either say "that was really fun - could I have one more later" or "you are a great dancer" + some compliments about timing, patterns, musically or whatever that struck me. I just can't keep my mouth shut.

And as delausica said "that look" you get during or after a dance is one of the best compliments one can get. A special moment is when you start to dance with some new guy. After a few beats you get a special kind of eyecontact that means "she's surfing on the same wave as me...I like it"

Another subtle compliments is when you chat with friends and you feel someone grabbing your hand or you feel an arm around your waist and then you are on the dancefloor.

I have also started to give myself compliments . Not loud of course. But when I manage something new I make it totally clear to myself that I have improved.

I think people should flattern themself more often & I also think people should be more forgiving to themselves. Most people are their biggest critics. They behave worse to themselves than to others. And that's not fair!

One more thing....directed to those who feel they have got compliments they don't believe in beacause they are new in salsa.

Perhaps that compliment is sincere. Perhaps the one that tells you that compliment means that you are great compared to the level you are at. And those compliments you must listen to.

Last week in London in saw a guy standing beside the dancefloor making basic steps and simple turns. He looke like he really needed a dance but he wouldn't dare to ask any girl. I asked him and afterwards I told him he was great and that I really meant it. He did all the simple patterns he new excellent. He had no problems in the transitionstate from one phase to another. He had musicallity and great timing. He was great considering his level and I can almost assure - he is going to be great dancer compared to everyone if he keeps on dancing!

BTW... LoL... If you think I'm hot in my avatar, wait till you see me on the dance floor, LatinDancer. Sabor gets the first dance though. Unless you want to tag-team me Did I tell you I love to watch you dance? You're one of the best ones up there! Really! I was intimidated when you asked me to dance...

i chose to believe the compliments i receive, with the exception of those made by immature players whose game is so weak they can't even deliver a convincing line. most of those guys don't dare step to me, anyway.

the salsa scene has its share of fakery, but it's nothing compared to ballroom. at a competition, i was once wholeheartedly and unflinchingly complimented by someone on my dancing "out there on the floor," with the praise delivered as if the person had been watching intently. "congratulations, you looked terrific...."

i had not yet danced that day. i hadn't stepped foot on the floor.

the person was obviously lying to my face. i was standing next to my coach, who also knew she was lying, and both of us thanked her sincerely and pretended she wasn't pretending.

At the last party one of my friends introduced me to a beginner as "one of the best leads in our city". I honestly believe he meant it

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I hate being introduced to a friend of a friend and told that she is a good dancer when she really isn't. I think that is only done so as to give her confidence enough to go out dancing. Unfortunately, what this means is that my expectations have been raised such that when i do ask her to dance, I'm severely disappointed !!

I hate being introduced to a friend of a friend and told that she is a good dancer when she really isn't. I think that is only done so as to give her confidence enough to go out dancing. Unfortunately, what this means is that my expectations have been raised such that when i do ask her to dance, I'm severely disappointed !!

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I save myself from disappointment by never believing my friends' assessments of other dancers. I've heard people called "good" who were not-so-good, and other people called beginners who turned out to have great rhythm and to be exceptionally fun partners. So, I give every new partner the same series of introductory moves and build up to whatever level seems comfortable for both of us.

It's kind of like being told that a blind date is "cute." You just have to find out for yourself.