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I've been nominated by awesome friend and crit partner, Robin Miller, for the Rockin' Girl Blogger Award. As a recipient, I get to award it to my favorite bloggers as well. Oh, man...this is tough. : -D Okay, I hereby nominate the following:

I have a lot, don't I? As Brian's late Grandma Kendig would've said--we're rich. I'd have to absolutely agree! God has far surpassed all I could've hoped for or dreamed of in my family--an amazing husband who really is as awesome and hunky as many fiction characters--but really, he's better because he's real. And mine. :-D My kids...wow, how much time do you have? The girls are sweet as pie (really they are...most of the time), and the twins blow my mind with their personality and intellect. The picture of the office? Well, that's been my dream to have an office. This house we're renting from Brian's parents has been a tremendous blessing.

So. You're sitting there, trying to figure out the connection between the post title and what I've shared so far. Kinda hard to find, isn't it? I admittedly feel a bit ashamed at what I'm about to share. But, here goes...

As you know from earlier posts where I talked about the anger and frustration of our situation, I'm struggling with our situation in a really big way. I love being here for one reason--okay, two--I know without a doubt that God wants us here, and we get to visit with Brian's parents. But honestly, I don't like this area. The schools have given us tons of problems, and Brian's job isn't earning us enough to live on. Honestly, it feels like we're in the middle of a desert with no direction in sight. We moved here on a leap of faith, believing God wanted us here as a step to the FBI. There are days I am absolutely bereft. We don't know how this FBI "thing" will end up. We both believe STRONGLY that the final chapter isn't written on that story. But to believe in the face of obvious rejection...to believe opposite of what the "world" says is beyond hard.

So, I sat here the other day feeling very sorry for myself (insert somber music, like Enya). I tossed my head back, all mournful and melancholy, and moaned, "I don't want to be a grumbling Israelite, Lord, but..."

STOMP!!

I straightened, a sickening knot in my stomach clenching as I thought, I already am.

Well, naturally, my creative genius kicked into high gear. No, no, that can't be. I'm praying--believing. Praying a lot. ACFW prayer partner are pryaing, too. I'm keeping my chin up, most days. Besides, didn't those Israelites know where they were going?? So they had it easier...

NOPE.

All they knew is that they were headed for the PROMISED LAND.

YIKES.

That's all I know, too. That God has promised (called us out in a church that doesn't normally do prophesying and pronounced over us) that we would have a mantle of success; that the tide (of our misfortune--foreclosure, three job layoffs, and three moves in two years--was turning.

So, though my toes are still aching, I am convicted. Of course, God wanted to make sure I got the point, so the Sunday School lesson the next morning was on the grumbling Israelites and finishing the race set before us.

We are such a self-centered species. He has already given us so very much. Often, our blessings are in forms we do not expect. We need his perspective. An eternal perspective.

I have no further hints as to what is to come in my life. And I may never get another ounce of encouragement between here and the border to the promised "land," but I will not yield, I will not grumble anymore.

So, how about you? Is there a "promise land" that you're aiming for that seems completely out of reach? Sick of the "manna" God has given you? Tough to swallow? :-D

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After Karen's book and blogging about it, I'm still here. Still dealing with my anger...I should probably say "working through" it since dealing with seems to imply stagnation. "Working through" is exactly what I'm doing. Digging deep, wondering what's at the source. Karen was so right in calling it an "insidious sin." It eats at the very fabric of our lives, tearing relationships apart, rendering us useless...

What I'm unearthing is some kind of ugly. :-DLoaded with self. I realized the other night that I'm desperately seeking Ronie...validation of Ronie. So, I prayed and asked God to help me be completely satisifed with HIS validation--that I'm his daughter, that He has completely accepted me. No matter what else--if anything--I do. I'm already accepted. He already loves me. Sweet!In church on Sunday, the gist of the Sunday school message was: What if God's purpose for [insert whatever you're going through], is greater than you? Can you still embrace God's purpose even though it might not mean the answer you want? If what you had your heart set on, the road you paved--is backhoed.

YEEE-OUCH!! My toes aren't merely bandaged...they're in a cast. LOL With all the things in my life that seem to be crushed or stunted dreams (a major source of my anger), that was an especially painful question. I've been thinking and praying, seeking God, asking Him to let the Holy Spirit teach me how to embrace His purpose. I mean...come on--it's as painful as hugging a porcupine!!

Well, this morning, I woke up in a bad mood (man, that was really hard to admit LOL). So, I read the Word, and a song kept rolling through my mind. It's from the band ECHOING ANGELS, and it's their title cut: YOU ALONE. ((If you check out their site (see link above), you'll get to HEAR THE SONG.)) Sadly, I only got this album last week, so I didn't know all the words. So, after reading, I stuffed my headphones on, closed my eyes, and worshiped--all the while listening to the lyrics. Check them out:

You Alone

Chris Peevy and Scotty Wilbanks

Desperately wanting to just find a waySearching and seeking for someone to sayThat its alright and its okLike I know you can

That its alright and its okLike I know you can

You alone are GodI am yours and you are mineAnd I know the heavens will call out your nameIf I don't

I close my eyesAnd I drift awayTo a place I rememberTo a place I feel safeWhere its alright and its okCause I'm there in your arms

Where its alright and its okCause I'm there in your arms

You alone are GodI am yours and you are mineAnd I know the heavens will call out your name (repeat)

-------------------------------------------------------So, God met me right where I was at this morning. I just felt like He wanted me to know that things are going to be okay, that I'm His...He's mine, and no matter what--writing or not (gasp!)--dreams or not--He loves me and accepts me.

Seventeen years ago I married my best friend. And waddya know?? He hasn't figured out I got the good end of the deal. LOL Just had to celebrate since the poor guy is having to work ALL DAY and I won't see him until close to midnight. *sigh*

Here's a couple of photos of me and my hunk from Sunday night when we went out to a movie to celebrate.He's my hero. My hunk. My prince. My strength (next to God of course). My lover. My best friend. My Brian. *sigh*