Yeah, the older version packed a better emotional punch. There was a beauty and power in its simplicity. The way it started right at the point where Asuka was dying and Shinji had to say goodbye... it was like getting hit by a ton of bricks. With this newer version, it's like having to first walk down a long path where there's a whole bunch of signs saying "Warning: Ton of bricks up ahead", which takes some of the power away from the moment when we finally get there.

Just a short one, to get caught up. Seems Touji is always on the wrong side with Asuka, one way or the other. It was interesting in that you presented him almost in the same light as a man who'd suffered rape: a lot of the same language or patterns of dialogue are used. That's a very good parallel, considering his experience is the kind that Evangelion seems to use as an analogue for 'rape' (the same thing happening to Asuka and Rei). Good chapter, good dialogue. Also liked Asuka asserting herself at the end, as if to remind Touji she's not nice.

Actually, ignore the above review if you want: I think I'm actually further along in the story than that. God, it's been a while....

October 13, 2019

SPOILER: Show

There's some ugly stuff said here, but I think the resolution was realistic. Arguments between couples (even ones that can get that vicious) have a strange elasticity depending on a lot of factors: they either result in long tension, or swift resolutions. There's really no telling how and when either result will occur, but I think that the ending of the chapter was a fair progression.

It was also good presentation on the part of the characters breaking down following the outburst: Asuka's regret, Shinji's hurt and anger, and their friends trying to sort it out as best they can.

Though, Gob still might look good in a cocktail dress.-Sorrow

Rei wanted to know what waffles tasted like.-Literary Eagle

We have to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, and work. But work has to come in third.-Leslie Knope

Death scenes updated due to popular demand. They were mostly reverted, but I still managed to sneak in a scene with Misato. She deserves that! But anyway, see what you think!

And Gob, thanks for the reviews. They are much appreciated!

For my post-3I fic, go here.The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-PassPeople's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of BantorraI hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis EvangelionYes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

"Being human, having your health; that's what's important."(from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?"(from: The Eccentric Family )Avatar: "Don't take Rei!" (details); Past avatars.Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

As for Misato surviving longer, people's lifespans vary - and she's only fifteen years older than Shinji anyway. My father died before my grandmother, and it didn't seem unnatural.

"Being human, having your health; that's what's important."(from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?"(from: The Eccentric Family )Avatar: "Don't take Rei!" (details); Past avatars.Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

As an aside, I still haven't figured out when Pen-Pen's gonna meet his maker. Penguins generally have a lifespan in the 15-30 year range, but if one's gonna make a hyperintelligent, hot springs penguin one might as well make him live long enough to be worth the trouble. Some bird species live for a long time; grey parrots can live 40-60 years in captivity, and sulfur-crested cockatoos can live for over a hundred years. So, he can basically live as long as I care to use him in the story, perhaps keeping Misato company in her final years even after everyone else is gone (well, Kyoko and the Children, anyway). Who knows?

For my post-3I fic, go here.The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-PassPeople's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of BantorraI hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis EvangelionYes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

Ouch. Shades of the aching, empty pain from the beginning montage from UP!

I don't suppose we'll get any more explanation of the apparent appearance of Rei and Kaworu from Shinji's deathbed, Ryuko's lack of surprise and request, and why she didn't seem to mention it to anyone else?

Getting blown up is less fun than it sounds like. So I wrote Evangelion WAFF: Advice and Trust And now more: A Crown Of Stars"Speaking of game material, thanks for indirectly reminding me to check the progress on that moe genderbent Hitler dating sim." --Arkalest"Dabuhbahgahnehvuh!" --Aleph, 18MAY14 "I am a very charming soup" -- LordSquishy, 23FEB15"If my grandma is stalking me through a forest I'll stop doing peyote." -- Shinanobi, 31AUG14

Strypgia wrote:Ouch. Shades of the aching, empty pain from the beginning montage from UP!

Oh? I hadn't thought of that, but you're right, that is a pretty apt comparison.

I don't suppose we'll get any more explanation of the apparent appearance of Rei and Kaworu from Shinji's deathbed, Ryuko's lack of surprise and request, and why she didn't seem to mention it to anyone else?

I considered elaborating on all of those things, but decided to leave the answers implied instead of stated outright.

For my post-3I fic, go here.The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-PassPeople's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of BantorraI hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis EvangelionYes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

Oh wow, I actually worked on what I planned to for a change. Here's Shinji and Asuka on Kaworu, take two:

SPOILER: Show

November 23, 2018"I'm home," Shinji said.Asuka looked up from her manga as Shinji entered the apartment. "Welcome home," she said. Shinji dropped his backpack by the door, then shuffled into the living room. He crossed to within a few feet of her, then slumped to the floor, back to the wall.She frowned. "How was therapy?" she asked. He shrugged."Not good, huh?" she said.It took a few moments for Shinji to answer. "We talked about Kaworu," he said."Who?" she asked. Then she nodded and said, "Oh, right. Homo-boy."Shinji scowled at her. "Don't call him that!" he snapped.Asuka flinched, startled. "What's your problem?" she fired back."He was my friend!" he said. "Don't make fun of him like that.""Don't be stupid," she said. "He was an Angel, he--""I don't care!" Shinji yelled. She opened her mouth, ready to chew him out, but she held her tongue."It doesn't matter," he went on, his voice subdued. "If he was my friend, he died, and you shouldn't talk about him like that." He swallowed thickly. "And if he wasn't, if he was my enemy, he . . . hurt me." His voice was shaking now; he was on the verge of tears.Asuka's lip curled, a mixture of sympathy and disgust marring her pretty features. She stared at him for a moment, then blew out a breath, deciding the argument wasn't worth the effort. "Whatever," she mumbled. Shinji ground the heel of his palm against his forehead, forgetting about her for the moment. Asuka frowned, then sighed. She stood and made her way to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and retrieved a plate of rice balls, then returned to Shinji's side and sat down, placing the plate between them. She picked up a rice ball and held it out to him. "Here," she said.Shinji blinked in surprise, then accepted the snack. "Th . . . thank you," he stammered.She shrugged. As he started to eat she said, "I bought some stuff at the store today, fixings for stir fry. I'll make some later."Shinji shook his head. "You don't have to," he said. "I can--""Stupid Shinji!" she spat. "You think I like being a leech all the time? I can do my share, same as you!""N-no, I--""Shut up!""I didn't mean--" he began. He broke off, sighing. "Sorry, Asuka," he said. "I didn't mean anything by it, really. Thank you.""Tch," she mumbled. "Idiot."

Shinji lay in his room, staring at the ceiling. "Asuka?" He asked. "Are you awake?""Stupid Shinji," she grumbled. "If I wasn't before I would be now.""Sorry," he said. Her lip curled up in a sneer. That damn word! She sighed, willing herself to calm down. "Well?" she asked. "What do you want?" Shinji chewed his lip for a moment, then asked, "Do you really think Kaworu was my enemy?" "Tch. Why are you asking me?" she asked. "I never even met the guy.""I know. But even so . . . " he began.Asuka was silent for a few moments. Eventually she said, "I used to think the Angels were monsters. Terrible, alien beasts bent on destroying everyone. But Misato says they're human beings, like us. That their souls are the same as ours.""Yeah," Shinji said. "She told me that once, too.""If that's true," she went on, "maybe he was just lonely. Maybe he didn't know anything about being human, and just told you what he thought you wanted to hear. Or maybe he was your enemy, and changed his mind after talking to you. If he really was a person he could change his mind, just like anyone else.""Heh. I thought only girls could do that," Shinji said mildly.She scowled at him. "Are you looking for a beating, Third?""Sorry, sorry," he said, laughing. "I'm just kidding.""Tch," she said. "Go to sleep, stupid Shinji. I've had enough irritation for one day.""Alright," he said. He was quiet for a moment. Then, "Asuka?"She ground her teeth in irritation. "Whaaaat?""Thanks," he said. "Sometimes, you're really nice.""Tch. I'm always nice," she grumbled.He laughed at her, his mood noticeably improved. She frowned at him, then turned on her side, facing the wall. "Idiot," she mumbled.

Next up will be Asuka's first session with Dr. Okada.

For my post-3I fic, go here.The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-PassPeople's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of BantorraI hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis EvangelionYes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

September 19, 2018Dr. Okada followed Asuka into his office, then sat in a chair while she took the couch. He kept the door open. "Good morning, Ms. Soryu. How are you feeling today?"The girl drew her knees up to her chest and turned to stare at a wall in disinterest. "Like shit," she said.The doctor frowned. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said. "I'll skip the pleasantries, then. Would you care for something to drink? Coffee, perhaps?""Whatever," the girl said.He produced a can of coffee from the cooler by his chair, then handed it over. Asuka took it in hand, but didn't bother opening it. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" he asked."Not really," Asuka said."Hmmm." Dr. Okada scrutinized the girl carefully. "You sound like you don't want to be here," he said."Brilliant observation," the girl drawled.The doctor shrugged. "Well, you can leave if you like."Asuka shot him a quick glare, then returned her attention to the wall. "No I can't," she said. "If I did I'd never hear the end of it from Misato.""Is that the only reason?" he asked.She shrugged."Ms. Soryu," he began, "what would you like to accomplish with these sessions?""How about not getting raped?" she said acidly. "Can we manage that? That would be great."Dr. Okada closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath. "I'm very sorry about that," he said. "I could make excuses about how we didn't know, but of course that's all they would be. But let me assure you, you won't see a repeat of that behavior here."Asuka stared at him for a moment, then at the open door. "Whatever," she said. She opened the can of coffee and took a long swig. "Not like it fucking matters. I'm used to it by now.""Oh?" the doctor asked."Everyone I've ever known has used me like that. My parents, Nerv, Misato, the boys at school, stupid Shinji . . . that fucking doctor. They just use me to get what they want, and then they throw me away like garbage when they're done." She shrugged. "And why wouldn't they? Seems to be all I'm good for."He ignored her question. "Is that true?" he asked.She blinked. "Huh?""Has everyone treated you like that?"She took a sip of coffee. "Don't ask stupid questions.""Who, then?"She sighed. "Kaji. My friend Hikari.""Why are they different?" he asked."Kaji thought of me as a child," she said, "and Hikari didn't know me very well.""I see," he said. "So, to Mr. Kaji you were useless, and Ms. Horaki was distant enough that she didn't care."She nodded. "That's right."He stroked his chin, checking his notes. "What about Mr. Ikari and Ms. Katsuragi?"She rolled her eyes. "What about them?""You live with Mr. Ikari, don't you?" he asked.She shot him a frosty glare. "I live next door to him," she said."Oh, I see," he said. "My apologies. Ms. Katsuragi indicated you were spending most of your time with him."She flushed. "It's not like that!" she exclaimed. "Oh?" He smiled at her. "According to her you were quite insistent about the matter.""She's an idiot," Asuka mumbled."Why do you spend so much time with him, then?" he asked.Asuka shrugged. When the doctor didn't take the hint she grunted and said, "he took care of me."Dr. Okada quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?""After Third Impact," she said. "I was even more of a mess then than I am now, and he looked out for me." She frowned. "Sort of.""Why would he do that?" he asked.Asuka shrugged. "How should I know? Guilt, probably.""That's an awfully cynical way of looking at it," he said.Asuka shrugged again. "Whatever.""Every time I see him, he seems awfully concerned about you.""Tch," she said. "It's like he's obsessed. Every day I was away, he sent me stupid e-mails.""Did that make you uncomfortable?" he asked.Asuka stared at him. "What? No. They were stupid, not lewd.""And he did this for two years?" he asked.She nodded. "Yeah.""That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go to to appease simple guilt."Asuka took a sip of her coffee and didn't reply. "Do you enjoy spending time with him?" he asked."It's fine," she said."Did you come back to Tokyo-2 to spend time with him?"She glared at him. "I came back to Tokyo-2 to say goodbye and slit my wrists."He stroked his chin, unfazed by her comment. "And yet you didn't."She faltered. "Well . . . ""Yes?"She flushed a bit. "He said he . . . um, well . . . he said he wanted to be my friend."He nodded. "Did you believe him?"She shook her head. "Of course not, it's ridiculous."He smiled slightly. "And yet, here you are." Asuka frowned, but didn't reply."Is it possible he was telling the truth?" he asked."He's an idiot.""Maybe so," he said, "but is it possible?"Asuka ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "I don't know!" she snapped. "I . . . maybe.""I see," he said.She ground her teeth, glaring at him. "You're annoying," she growled."Hmmm."

Shinji jumped when he heard pounding on his front door. He opened it, finding Asuka on the other side. "Oh, hi Asuk--" He was interrupted by a hard kick to his shin. "OW!" he yelped. "What was that for?""Shut up, stupid Shinji! You've pissed me off enough for one day." She stomped down the hall to her apartment, jamming the key into the lock. She opened the door, then shot him a glare and moved inside, slamming the door behind her. A moment later the door opened again. She stuck out her head and said, "you better make something really good for dinner, if you know what's good for you!" She retreated back inside, slamming the door again."But you just kicked me!" Shinji yelled. "What the hell is wrong with you?" "Shut up, stupid Shinji!" she yelled, her voice carrying easily through the walls. "Just. Shut. Up!"Shinji stared at the door for a moment, then retreated back into his apartment. He made his way to the refrigerator, gathering ingredients as he started to make dinner. "Her therapy's gonna kill me," he mumbled.

For my post-3I fic, go here.The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-PassPeople's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of BantorraI hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis EvangelionYes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

There will be more, have no fear. The non-linear nature of the story makes it easy to add chapters whenever inspiration strikes, and I imagine I'll be doing that for quite some time.

For my post-3I fic, go here.The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-PassPeople's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of BantorraI hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis EvangelionYes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

Not much has been said here for a while has it? I've been wondering, are you finding a way to implement Maya and Ritsuko into your story as you explained in another thread, or do you have something else planned, and if so, what?

Never let the flame that is hope burn out, for despite the length of the night, the sunrise will always come

It has been quite a while since I posted anything, hasn't it? I have a few chapters in the works, but I just need to set aside the time to crank them out. There's a good chance I'll manage that Christmas week, since I should have a lot of idle time when I'm out visiting family.

As to Ritsuko and Maya, probably not. They're too far removed from the main story, and the one idea I had for them (running away together to practice Mad Science!!! somewhere in South America) is at odds with the main story's themes and doesn't really tie in to the rest of the plot at all. Might make for a decent side story, though.

For my post-3I fic, go here.The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-PassPeople's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of BantorraI hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis EvangelionYes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.