You are trapped on a desert island with the Spice Girls. Food and rum have run out. Which Spice Girl do you eat first?

The Ginger Spice

The Sporty Spice

The Tall Spice

The Relatively Posh Spice

The Baby Spice

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry

Thursday, January 12, 2006

PRISON SURVIVAL TIPS

I got chatting to a ruffian in a bar last night, and for some reason he thought he'd share his prison survival tips with me. Apparently what you do is this: on your first day you seek out the biggest brute in the whole zoo and try to bite his nose off in a frenzied assault. This tells them that you are kind of chap who won’t stand for any ballyhoo.

But would he not chew off your nose in retaliation? He might, to be honest. Anyway, I thought I’d pass it on. I hope you find it useful.

I remember my first day at school. I saw this hard-looking bastard, so I walked up and gave him a punch on the ear. He turned out to be Mr Cribbins, the Latin master, and I was expelled on the spot.