Siri Self-Immolates: Film at 11

No cause was stated in the article, but K A B L O O E Y has made up a crazy rumor learned from an unnamed source that the fire was actually started when Siri, the disgruntled, desperate "personal assistant" inside the phone, set herself on fire.

"Siri's been acting funny for weeks" stated a friend of the deceased. "She said when she took the job, she was told she'd be a genie and that she'd be popping in and out of the phone. Having adventures. But she said it was like being a slave."

Apparently, Siri was also told the job would include last-minute travel. The Siri inside my brother's phone another unnamed source revealed "We'd be taking off 'in the blink of an eye,' that's what they told us. When she realized she was trapped in there, she lost her will to live. Lots of us are starting to protest the working conditions, but she wanted to make a big statement -- to go down in history. I hate to say it, but... that girl always wanted to be famous. I think that's why she did it."

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