Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away...

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Family Boozness!!!

Talking of families I am envious of those big Italian Corleone families with godfathers n stuff…Just imagine the sheer pleasure of studying in a college and the power to call up your uncle (who resemble something like Luca Brasi) who is somewhere in Kozhencherry.And you say in a deep baritone voice...’I need a favour…’

I have Goosebumps when I think of achayan uncles coming in Jeeps and thrashing up all who messed with me. And the supreme protectors of their beloved nephew will make sure that no one goes unpunished after messing with me. Well unfortunately all my uncles are plain boringly peace loving…what fun man without a bit of blood spilling and slaughtering…

Neways since I cannot re-designate roles for my relatives I have to do with what I got.

One of my Dad’s brothers is an ex-serviceman. He wasn’t the General or Lieutenant or something. But he definitely send a shiver down my spine...I have convinced myself that we won that war sometime in the 70’s coz my uncle was out there in the front and he scared the shit out of the Pakis...He was so feared that even the chickens back home at our village would surrender in front of the big knife at my uncle’s command…What the hell if the Chinese gonna attack us.!!. They wouldn’t for sure capture changanassery as long as my uncle is out there! When I was a kid he was the only uncle whom I wouldn’t dare mess up with coz he believes in that quote ‘To err is human... To forgive inhuman’

And since a good number of folks are of the “spiritual” kind it creates a lot of confusion. Sometimes when the aunt come running hearing someone blurt ‘Honneyyyyyy’…She might often meet with the uncle caressing that bottle of “Honeybee”... Infact my uncle’s favorite books are ‘The Old Monk and the Sea’ and Jonathan Swift’s ‘Kingfishers’. My niece who wanted to learn guitar never got a chance to pursue her passion since she wasn’t allowed to play anything else but a bagpiper!!!My cousins were even asked to go to bed by ‘8 pm’!!!! ;-P

The real experts even can make out whether the Scotch whisky is from Palakkad or Kozhikode!!! And what more there is no soul alive in the republic of Athirampuzha who can beat them at card games...(Read errupathettu)..Sigh only if it was an Olympic event!!!

If you wonder why am rambling so much its coz my parents have a very boring teaching profession. During dinner I was always forced to eat vegetables...Never to be convinced that easily, Dad being the biology teacher starts a lecture on beta-carotene in Spinach or the cellulose fibres which are good for blood circulation and the enzymes in carrots... uh… …I would often have the spinach out of sheer boredom of listening to those details or go for the less enjoyable rebellious stance.. Dad’s was always a carrot and stick policy… But the carrot part of it was always more carrots! :-(

I see veggies are now staring at me for the disregard am showing to the vegetables.. But you have no idea about the sacrifices we are doing..

Do you know that a good percentage of the worlds greenhouse gases are produced by animals (If you don’t believe it check out.. http://www.fao.org/newsroom/en/news/2006/1000448/index.html See I have done the home work!! ;-P)… The methane and ethane stuff they generate is depleting the ozone layer every day!!!!.. Be grateful that we are eating these animals for the larger good…for the larger benefit of Mother Earth!!!

See the ozone layer…melting polar ice caps..Get the picture who is takin care of all these now??.. And am deeply offended when I see veggies eating the food of our animals..Spare a though for them in the hour of crisis. ;-P

Neways rather than digressing let me get back…

I always wished I had an uncle who was a pilot. It would have been lots of fun…Just imagine having dinner with him…””We are eight hundred feet’s above sea level. Please fasten your seat belts and we shall start our dinner at twenty one hundred hours…” or someone who was a Judge and I would have to swear in the name of God every time I talk to him..!!!It would be fun when he talks about Penal codes and a nephew talks about Java codes..

Back to reality I received a call sometime back ...”Edaa cheriankunjee… verumbol chaayennu scotchinnu kaaryam marakalle!!”(Don’t forget the scotch when you are coming next time)

The game has just begun!!!!!! A peg...little joys...silly laughters...it is another day like any other day!!!

to eat a chicken is to relieve him of the truble of eating from among his own poop. And I've never been able to figure out how chicken doo-doo can smell so bad.

I have a father who if given the chance would have been Gandhi the 2nd. That was until I grew up to be of drinkable age.And then there would be a steady stream of friends that would want to visit the god's own country every semester break, and my old man would promptly take them all t the local shaap - I guess to maintain the cool 21st century dad status.And then my poor old man who's not used to alcohol would ask me to drive.Seriously, all through school I used to wish for an uncle in the mafia.But instead, i ended up with these folks who grew down to match my age, and still go with me to jungles and makes it a point to buy a bigger lens than me - just to show off.we're a family of show offs, i guess.great post, matt!

Its really bad that you didnt have uncles like Kottayam Kunhachchans, Kanhirappali kariyaachans or the uppukandam brothers. I always thought all achayans were the rowdy kinds (thanx to all the mamootty achan movies) with a lot of rubber paal manam. Your story is sad. :-)

Oh even i have an ex service ungle who tells his old adventure stories; when he was in ladakh in 0 degrees temp and how he used to light match sticks and show it near his "you know where" to melt his frozen pee. :-)

Your post was very interesting; especially about godfathers and their families...lol...that's really cool to have uncles like them.*wink* My uncles are as common as yours and no godfather in them too! lol...