Last week I chopped it up with my long time friend Reene (let me give her a little shout out, ha!) about the stress of finding a potential beau. She’s talking to this guy who seems very nice, he offers to take her out A LOT and wants to spend lots of time with her but she’s simply annoyed. I know we bitch about the current shortage good dudes available and complain when what seems like a good one comes along but there’s more to our hesitation. Call her selfish, picky, brand new, but I picked up on an interesting commonality that a lot of us girls share when it comes to situations like this.

Most girls will pray to God to send them the perfect guy that fits all our requirements but sometimes when a very persistent and excessively nice guy comes around, for some reason it’s not as enticing. Why you guys ask? I guess we sort of appreciate a chase or some mystery that keeps us guessing. Being in a clingy situation sort of feels like being in an under-arm headlock with stringy deodorant hanging from the hairs (Hehehehehehe!). Okay maybe a bit exaggerated but that’s how it sort of feels!

For example, when we say we’ll speak to you guys a little later after a two-hour conversation, we really mean like later or may ‘be the next day. Granted, when we reaaally like you guys we could talk all damn day, from sunup to sundown, but we don’t want to put all our fruits in the basket and have nothing to discuss or discover later. After that conversation we might just chat on the phone with a homegirl, gloat about our dates and how good you smell (I just got this thing for smells...hahahaha) or heck, go on with our daily life events. In hindsight we want to anticipate your call back and cute surprise text messages so pretty please don’t over do it babe.

Another example is when you decide to discuss our future plans early on into our not yet established relationship without me obliging to any of it. To us it just screams that you’ll be obsessive in the future! Introducing me as wifey after two weeks is ridiculous man. I don’t want to have to be held hostage because I didn’t say I love you back fast enough or stalked outside of the club and please DON’T show up in front of my house unannounced either. If it seems like I’m being too harsh, I’m just letting you guys know coming on strong is a major turn-off. As girls we definitely do it too but you all make it you’re personal duty by letting us know bluntly. Whether it’s ignoring our calls for days while we call almost the whole of Brooklyn looking for your ass (okay I’m getting personal…sowwy). Let’s just say we handle being annoyed by being cordial. We’re not that cut throat to where we’ll totally erase all forms of communication, but instead when you call annoyingly we actually pick up the phone and give fake excuses like, “I’m going in the train…no service” repeatedly, and still some of you don’t get it.

So, may ‘be some of you aren’t crazy and simply excited that you found your kick-back shorty that you can potentially build with. But, you see the key word is “build” and if you don’t take those gradual steps your clearly going to just scare us away. The funny thing is most of you are so oblivious to the fact that your doing it because we don’t know how to break the news to you. We don’t want to come across ungrateful for the acknowledgment because in this day and age it’s a bit hard finding some of you that are willing to taking on the roll of being boo’d up, but come on let us bask in the essence of getting to know you at a moderate pace.

I know a couple of you are nodding your heads like whatever, “The dudes she’s talking about is mad soft,” but face it! There comes a time where most dudes put a bit of their pride aside where they say and do things they could never tell their boys or let them find out! It’s okay, we just want you guys to be a bit more patient in what can come in the near future.

We like to know you have a life outside of it all. The fact that there is a portion out of the day where your focus is not on us is just stimulating because we want to gradually figure out a way where we get on your minds. But once again, the key word is gradually! Not today, tomorrow but maybe some months on in after we established who we both are individually, we can give into all that mushy gushy shit together and love the hell out of it!