Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Maybe you have a mean grandpa. Or a sensitive grandpa. Or a perverted joke telling grandpa. Or a normal grandpa. Or a forgetful grandpa.

I have an inappropriate weight commentator grandpa. It is not his finest quality.

He is also not shy. Which makes it even better.

It's just a normal topic of conversation for him. You look like you aren't eating. You don't miss many meals, do you? You're solid. Where do you keep that food, do you have a hollow leg?

And on. And on and on.

He's 80 years old. Everybody knows that this is just who he is and just what he does and you get to be quirky and rude when you're old. He isn't making anyone cry at family parties. (I am not saying that there aren't tears once you've arrived home.)

But he's still making everyone roll their eyes.

His finest weight commentary came after Aunt Annette's diagnosis with multiple myeloma. Aunt Annette has always been very overweight. When she was being treated for cancer, the weight fell off. My grandpa (not her own dad -- her brother's father-in-law) would exclaim about how wonderful she looked every time he saw her. That cancer has you nearly dead but you look so svelte! (Okay, not his exact words. That's just how they sounded.)

It is so bad. He is so bad. Weight is such a sensitive subject and he has absolutely no idea. (Not that we haven't told him. We've told him.)

Nobody needs to hear it from him.

And everybody does.

At dinner on Sunday, he poked me in the side and I know that I don't need to lose a single pound and I still cannot stop thinking about it.

2
comments:

Wait, he poked you because you are fat? I thought the problem was that you were too skinny? This is very confusing...I wish the people offering you unsolicited advice could get together and agree on the message. It would make it a whole lot easier to have a complex!

Yes. He poked me because I'm fat which just proves that his views on weight are so totally off and yet I keep thinking about the poke which is insane! I am not getting so many "too skinny" remarks these days so either I've hit a good weight or people are just used to it.

Hi. I'm A.

Born, raised, educated in the Midwest, I am such a Midwesterner. So Midwestern, if you will.

I am: a blogger of 8+ years, forever searching for my next athletic challenge, hopelessly overscheduled and always, always eating.

I started So Midwestern right after I graduated from college, hoping to chronicle my transition to adulthood. Graduate school, four half marathons, two new nephews, three apartments, a trip to Africa, a sprinkle of heartbreak, dozens of unfinished knitting projects, four turns as a bridesmaid, 8,913 job applications and two full-time positions later: I’m fairly convinced that the day when I feel like a legitimate, full-fledged grownup will never come. So I’ll just keep on blogging.

I write about a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing. Toss my ramblings with a few pictures, a touch of swearing and an endless appreciation for the beauty that is David Beckham and you have So Midwestern. Welcome.