As I get older, I find myself noticing how much I've reverted to who I was in my teenage years. Sure, I have a job and a wife now, and I may feel older and wiser, but I still watch the same animes (Kenshin, Dragon Ball, Trigun... need to watch Tenchi again at some point ), listen to exactly the same music, and have similar opinions on things. The only difference is it seems like everyone else around me grew up and moved on.

So take a look at yourself now, and back when you joined these forums, or even before. Do you find yourself having similar views and interests? Or are you a wholly different person than you were back then?

I've certainly changed politically; back when I had someone else supporting me, I believed in all that leftist crap. Nowadays, I'm pretty dead center. Or, in the eyes of the people still stuck back there, a right-wing extremist.

What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one.

I feel completely different. I used to be introverted to the point of agoraphobia. Now I'm pretty well balanced between introverted and extroverted. I don't play games as much. I haven't watched anime in like a year. I'm even playing a MMO now. But I'm still ultimately the same underneath.

I am quite sentimental, I have a pretty good memory and am susceptible to strong feelings of nostalgia, I sometimes feel saddened by it actually.

Peronality wise I think I've went through some changes, as a teenager I was pretty idealistic, as I experienced some of life's harsher lessons I grew less naive and maybe even a little disillusioned. In recent years I've almost come full circle, I tend to be have a pretty positive outlook on things but have learned to be more pragmatic when required.

In terms of my actual life circumstances, I am effectively a 27 year old boy, I'm not married, don't have kids and haven't found a career path yet.

When I was younger I used to think I'd stop playing games when I got older and just start doing adult stuff and whatnot and be all adult and boring but I've realized recently that that's not gonna happen. With games like Dear Esther, Heavy Rain and Limbo the future of gaming looks very promising adult vise and I think I'll just keep playing. But yeah other than that I'm different. The past five years alone sometimes feel like a lifetime, I think they may have changed me the most. I've gotten better at appreciating the little things and I've become a complete audio geek, or more like an audio geek noob. But still not where I'd hoped to be in life. I sometimes feel like I've already had the best time of my life but that's just me beeing sentimental.

Life now is.. paused. There is no telling what I'll be like when it unpauses.

Hmmm well I've grown a magnificent mane of cynicism. The kind where I laugh and say "I knew it!" whenever some human does something stupid and predictable. I haven't reached the point of misanthropy yet, however.

The choice to transfer schools was definitely a good one as I've met many incredible people since the beginning of this year. My confidence has increased and I realized lately that my insecurities about my abilities are pretty much gone as I've already set myself on a path for improvement. Not saying that I am at an ideal state but I'm making more progress now than I ever would have on my own. I've also met some really great people and I've learned a lot from them. I've also grown a bit more outgoing and can handle more social interaction than before. The future is uncertain but I think I am growing more and more capable of finding and reaching opportunites.

Some turbulence over time have also allowed me to be more aware of my emotions. Not that I've become some crying emotional wreck but in my normal state it's like soft background music now as opposed to silence/quiet. Very strange but also very interesting.

I kind of feel split in two...on one hand, I've grown to really appreciate this world, the beautiful things in it, the power of love and music and simply being free and having fun. It seems like the occurrences when I feel that way are so few and far between, though - society kind of stifles these emotions and enlightenment.

Another part of me has grown even more cynical than my teenage self, sometimes I find myself brimming with hatred and disgust at the narrow-minded of some people and sadness and fear of all the bizarre accidents that can happen and ruin lives (ex: I watched the local news today. As always, it was one horrible story after another).

While adulthood and the freedom that accompanies often seems more than offset by the responsibilities and mundane routine-y crap, I definitely appreciate the years I've spent on my own and really discovering myself more. I for one feel very different as each year goes by. While I'm still very uncertain about career choice and exactly where I want to live and what I want out of life, I'm embracing the path I am on as the better alternative to what else might have been out there for me. I do find myself more distracted lately and a lot of my childhood pastimes don't really do much for me anymore.

Dear lord where to I even begin? My story is one set up for a novel series.

I will try and make it the cliff notes version.

When I started in the Shenmue Community I was a very niave 20 year old. A 20 year old who had a few mental problems but didn't know it yet. A person due to circumstances growing up was never matured mentally (and still working on it but much better..at least offline) I was a Nintendo fanboy to the extreme and hated religion. I was proud to be living in the United States. I was very dependant. (still am) and was a introvert. (I still am but now I have more control and go to many social events). Juanfran hated me as I was too much like Jeff or so he told me back then. Maybe I was.

Now skip to 2009 when I am working but start noticing it's hard to breath. I'm vomiting a lot. My eyes are getting heavy to the point it's hard to open my eyes. My temper is even a quicker fuse. My anxiety is skyrocketing. Over time it gets worse to coughing up blood to vomiting several times a day. Each breath felt like getting stabbed in the chest. Every heart beat felt like my heart was going to blow up. Yes I kept working. Finally I quit. 1 month later my mom flies from california thinking we only need to get my thyriod meds then she could go back to LA. I get worse and worse. Finally I don't sleep or eat for 3 days and 3 nights. On that 4th day I was rushed to ER. 1 week later I was drain over 20 pounds of flruid from lungs and body. Told I had Congestive Heart Failure and if I had not gone to the hospital when I did. I would be dead within hours. Then began the healing process. I was told severe depression & anxiety comes with heart patients. Well in April 2011 I tried to kill myself. I was taken to a mental ward for 1 week. Since then my anxiety is been more debilitating than my heart. It severely affected my judgment and mood. Shenmue Dojo showed much support. However my clouded judgement and high anxiety interfered with SD to a great degree. It didn't help much when at first when Yama took over no mod talked to each other but did whatever they felt like which lead to many heads crashing. Every time I left SD for a week for medical reasons there was where is Ryudo topics and the place was flooded with spam. So I had this thing I felt if I left despite wanting to the place would fall apart. It drove me crazy. It was my ultimate downfall. I drove people away even ones I like. If any one from SD is reading this. I'm deeply deeply sorry. I wish I could have realized it sooner.

So I stepped down created my own site and daily working close with friends. I feel free. No pressure. Relaxed. I became semi religious since 2007. I became a hardcore video game collector in 2010 and dropped the Ninny Fanboy. I now have ambition and drive and passion. despite getting sick and a few issues. This is the best my life has ever been. I still have some old demons as well as some new ones. But now I have the help to get me through it. I no longer a proud US cit. I want to go to Japan. I'm more responsible. I'm no longer the shy niave kid. I'm almost 30 and while I have the same skin as almost 10 years ago. It has new scars.

darkly wrote:But yeah other than that I'm different. The past five years alone sometimes feel like a lifetime, I think they may have changed me the most.

This is definitely the case with me, as well. As Bambi said earlier, I feel like I've come almost full-circle as well. Between 18(a year before I started the dojo) to now, when I am 28, I feel like I've gone through many lifetimes. When I turned 21(the legal drinking age in America), I kind of went crazy for a while with drinking and partying, trying to stay caught up with my friends who were getting into that scene, and I did a lot of things I regret. It didn't last long though, as I got involved with martial arts in order to give myself some discipline. When I hit about 23, I met my wife and, at the same time, got into a full-time job as a computer programmer. I'm not sure which had more of an impact, but I went through a long time where I felt like I couldn't even remember high school or the dojo days, but I'm almost back to where my mind and passtimes have met up with what they were back then, and my stupid days after I turned 21 feel like a distant memory that are as foreign to me as the rest once were.

tao wrote:Some turbulence over time have also allowed me to be more aware of my emotions. Not that I've become some crying emotional wreck but in my normal state it's like soft background music now as opposed to silence/quiet. Very strange but also very interesting.

I think this is something that really signifies growing up. When you have become where you can recognize things about yourself, but don't allow it to bowl you over or anything.

@ryudo:One thing that's definitely changed from how I was back in the heyday when I went to the dojos all the time is that I can no longer allow the drama of what goes on on the dojo to affect me. When the dojo split off and half went to RP and have stayed there, it was a pretty hard thing to deal with at the time (which is kind of silly, when you think about it), and I've gotten to the point where I'll just go as I can, read and respond to what I want, and just leave all of that behind me. I'm not really aware of what might have happened to you at SD as i haven't been there in forever, but I think your decision to break away and focus on your own site is a good thing for you, and will help you to focus on yourself and stay happy and healthy.

I am a different person than I was nearly a decade ago. Taste in music changed, outlook on life changed, and overall mood changed. When I was a teenager I was a pretty blank template, though. I never really tried to express myself much and never really tried to embrace my passions. I didn't have a clue as to who I was until I was 23 and went through some seriously serious scared-for-my-life-srslyomgwtfamIdoing shit.... seriously.

After that event I really considered what I really wanted to do in life. I thought I was doing it, but really I just wanted to do something that would gain the approval of others. Going to quit my job shortly to pursue a career in robotics, and hopefully find a pretty lady I can settle down with.

When I was a teenager I didn't really have any political views exept for "Durr, hurr G.W. Bush is stupid." I still don't care much for politics but I do have more solid support for my country as a whole now.

I still love the crap out of video games, though. I just don't play them as much anymore, because I have too many other things to occupy my time now. I don't think I will ever outgrow video games. I also still spend way too much time derping around on the computer than I should.

EDIT: Ahaha I totally forgot I had an alice in wonderland avatar here.