Narrator: We once again find ourselves in the room of one Timmy Turner, but this year he has some company.
Timmy: And this time, it has nothing to do with my dating life! (Chester and Molly enter, Chester with a guitar in hand.)
Chester: Uh, who is this guy anyway?
Molly: The narrator. He’s kinda our guide for this adventure.
Chester: He sounds like a Brit. Oy, where’s me bangers and mash?
Narrator: Please do not do that. You have no idea how irritating that is.
Timmy: Anyway, I think it’s time for a change of pace. Every year lately, some weird series of events completely change anything I want to do for Valentine’s Day. So I’m doing something sensible.
Molly: You mean you’ll finally take the hint and choose Tootie?
Chester: No, he said sensible.
Molly: Trust me, it’s as sensible as he will get.
Timmy: There’s gonna be no dates this year! No, instead I decided we will take place in the Dimmsdale Battle of The Bands!
Chester: Since when do you know anything about playing a musical instrument? You’re terrible at the triangle!
Timmy: I had help in that department…

(Cut to 6 months earlier, where Timmy is on a treadmill running and playing a bass as Ember McLain looks on)

Ember: You call that strumming? CAPTAIN HOOK COULD STRUM BETTER THAN THAT!
Timmy: Why’d I get myself into this?

(Back)

Timmy: Suffice it to say, I’ve gotten better. And I think we will do great in the battle.
Chester: I want a do over for the band name though. Can’t we do better than “Legacy of The Wizard”?
Molly: My suggestion was already taken. I can’t believe someone actually took “Battle of Olympus”!
Timmy: It was either that or “Milon’s Secret Castle” and I know for a fact that would have been a horrible decision. Now let’s get some practice in.
Narrator: But as Timmy and his friends were about to learn—
Chester: Oh no, WHAT IS IT?!
Narrator: If you’ll allow me to continue…
Chester: Sorry.
Narrator: Ahem…as Timmy as his friends were about to learn, an old enemy had other plans!

(The wall to his room explodes as Remy Buxaplenty arrives, riding in on one of Eggman’s old modules.)

Remy: Greetings Turner!!
Timmy: Oh great, you again.
Molly: There’s a door you know, people use those when they pay a visit.
Remy: But that would defeat my nefarious purposes, now wouldn’t it?
Chester: I sense a lot of anger issues coming from him.
Remy: Gee, you think? What happy person do you know breaks down a perfectly good wall?
Timmy: Allow me to set you up with a meeting with a nice girl I know named Shampoo.
Remy: Anyway, I’m here for, of all things, REVENGE!
Chester: Well too bad. Timmy’s not doing anything involving dating of any sort this year!
Molly: Now go on, go play shuffleboard or something, we’re trying to practice for the battle of the bands.
Remy: Oh but I insist that you hear me out. After all, it’s not every day you get a challenge from the Society of Arch Enemies!!!
Timmy: Wait, you formed a society?
Remy: Yes, and I gathered 6 of your sworn enemies together to do battle with you. I spared no expense getting them together, so you better damn well appreciate this opportunity.
Timmy: Well, that’s nice but I’ve got other plans and besides, I see no incentive for me to—
Remy: If you wanna see any of your prospective girlfriends ever again, you’ll take our challenge very seriously.
Timmy: Wait, WHAT?
Remy: That’s right. I kidnapped Trixie, Tootie and, it pains me to say it, Veronica! If you want to see them and be some sort of hero, you’ll come to the location listed on this map! (Remy tosses a map into Timmy’s hands.) Away, my mechanical chariot!! (Remy flies off)
Chester: Wow. He’s really covered his bases today.
Molly: The normal supervillan would just settle for one girl. With your luck, you get the greedy one.
Timmy: Well, I guess practice is getting pushed back. Says here that the Society’s holed up in a tower in the middle of Dimmsdale Park.
Chester: I was wondering if anyone would ever put that old thing to any use.
Timmy: I don’t suppose I can convince you guys to come with me?
Molly: Eh, why the hell not? I’m barely featured in last year’s tale and I usually get a passing mention otherwise.
Chester: If it means I won’t be stuck in A.J.’s test tubes again, I’m in!
Timmy: I’m still surprised that he managed to kidnap all three of them.

(Aboard Remy’s flying module)

Juandisimo: Uh, Remy, I would like to point out the problem with your plan.
Remy: That being?
Juandisimo: You don’t actually HAVE any of the girls in question as captives.
Remy: And Turner is not aware of that. It’s the only way we could get him in there anyway. That reminds me, what did happen to those 3?
Juandisimo: Good question.
Narrator: Little did Remy know that an outside force had already spirited them away for another purpose.
Remy: Oh joy, let me guess, it was—
Narrator: Hey! I’m telling the story here, junior.
Remy: Sorry.
Narrator: As I said, an outside force, blah blah blah…

(Cut to a mysterious dark floor somewhere where Trixie, Tootie, Veronica and I stand.)

Trixie: Why is it that all dungeons have to be so dark and depressing?
Tootie: It wouldn’t be much of a dungeon if it wasn’t.
Trixie: Oh, good point.
Veronica: And there’s also the fact that we never bothered to do this. (Veronica flicks a switch located on the wall. The entire area is bathed in a bright light.)
Me: Well, we’re here. Now explain to me again WHY I’m here.
Trixie: We all agreed that we wanted to each give Timmy something nice for Valentines this year instead of waiting for him. But as you can see, we all had the somewhat insane notion that coming here to find a rare treasure to give to him.
Tootie: That’s when I remembered that you have a lot of experience dungeon crawling. So, I recommended you to be our troop leader.
Veronica: We also needed a meat shield and Chester was not available. No, don’t even ask about Sanjay and Elmer.
Me: Well, that’s just perfect. Sheesh, kill 100,000 moblins in a span of a year and people want you to do all their work for them. Right, let me see… (I pull out a PKE meter) Well, I figured as much, you lot dragged me into Tartarus.
Tootie: You mean we’re in—
Me: No, not that one. After that insanity in Persona 3, some parts of it popped up in places all over the world. So, looks like we have to be on the lookout for Shadows and other creatures while we’re here. I don’t suppose any of you have your own Personas by any chance do you?
Trixie: Level 20.
Tootie: Level 23.
Veronica: 15!
Me: Hmm, you’ve done this before I take it?
Tootie: You have no idea what we do in between seasons.

(Meanwhile back at Dimmsdale Park, Timmy and crew arrive at their destination.)

Timmy: You know, I never really noticed this tower before.
Chester: I find it amazing you could ignore a large, ominous tower beckoning to you.
Molly: Let’s see…’Welcome to Druaga Tower. All Trespassers, With the Exception of Timmy Turner, Will Be Eaten On Sight.’ Gee, I wonder if this is the place.
Timmy: No time for witty sarcastic banter! We got damsels to save. (Timmy runs towards the door and at the last possible second, stops himself and pushes the door open.)
Chester: Why’d you do that?
Timmy: I’ve run into enough wooden doors in my lifetime to know which ones are locked and which ones aren’t.

(The trio step inside to see a booth where a penguin with bat wings and peg legs sits)
Penguin: Dood!! Welcome to Druaga!! Are you here to take on Master Buxaplenty’s Challenge?
Chester: Uh, if we’re not, what will you do? (On cue, a small pack of other penguins, armed with knives, guns, dynamite and sporks, surrounds them.) Ok, ok, forget I asked!!
Penguin: Just step this way, up the stair, to meet your first challenger.
Molly: For the record, Chester, if anyone else asks any more questions, you say nothing. I like living a stab wound free life.
Timmy: Me too! (The penguins clear a path for the kids as they make their way up the stairs.) Ok, this place looks distinctly Arabian.
Chester: The flying carpets overhead are a dead giveaway you know.
Molly: So, any guesses as to who is the first archenemy who you have to take down?
?: Oh come on kids, a flying set of carpets and an Arabian theme? If it were any more obvious it’d hit you like a ton of bricks. Hey, there’s a thought!

(Suddenly a large colorful poof of smoke appears and out of it steps Norm the Genie.)

Chester: It’s YOU!!!
Norm: Oh, glad you remember my name, really! It’s so refreshing to be known as You.
Timmy: I can’t believe they actually recruited you of all people!
Norm: Face it kid, you’ve made a LOT of enemies over the years. It just took someone with enough intelligence to recruit us all and leave out anyone who would actually be a pain to us.
Timmy: Foop?
Norm: Oh, definitely. Well, since I can’t use my genie powers to hand you defeat I guess I’ll have to do things the old fashioned way.
Chester: Not so fast! Let me handle this Timmy, I’ve got old business to settle with him!

(Suddenly Norm pulls out a scimitar and dashes towards the three)

Chester: You know what, old business can wait, GOOD LUCK TIMMY! (As Chester dives out of the way, Timmy pulls out a katana of his own and blocks Norm’s sword swing.)
Timmy: And they said it was a bad idea to wish for a sword proficiency skill! (Timmy and Norm begin to clash blades rapidly as Chester and Molly look on)
Molly: Uh, should we do something?
Chester: I don’t suppose you brought a broadsword or something to help out?
Molly: No. But I do remember something important about genies. If you destroy their lamps, you’ll destroy them.
Chester: Ok, then all we gotta do is destroy the lamp. Where would it be?
Molly: I think that would be a good place to start. (Molly points to a nearby ledge, which has several flying carpets leading up towards it.)
Chester: Ha, piece of cake!
Molly: Somehow, I doubt it will be that easy.

(As Chester steps onto the first carpet, he narrowly avoids being sliced by a blade that wizzes past his face.)

Chester: It looks so easy when Mario does it! (Meanwhile, Timmy and Norm continue to do battle. Timmy manages to duck a swing at his head and makes a stabbing motion at Norm, who flips over behind him.)
Norm: Seriously, is that the best you have to offer? I thought maybe the sword skill thing came with, you know, actual skill.
Timmy: Give me a break, will ya? It’s not like I fight ninjas all the time!
Norm: Sadly for you kid, you’re not gonna get that opportunity. Looks like the first challenge here is your last!
Chester: Not if I have anything to say about it! Timmy, Haohmaru Anti Air!!
Norm: Hao-what now?

(Chester heaves and tosses the lamp overhead. Before Norm can react, Timmy leaps upwards and performs Kogetsuzan, slicing the lamp in two.)

Norm: …damn ginzu knife. (Norm splits in two before he explodes, leaving behind some cash. Chester leaps down next to Timmy)
Chester: Oh sweet, coins.
Molly: Is every floor gonna be as insane as this, because if they are, we are in need of a serious plan.
Timmy: I’m more afraid of who else is gonna show up.
Chester: Hey, as long as they leave cash behind when they kick the bucket, I’m all good!

(Meanwhile, back at the other dungeon…)

Me: Ok, that’s a big Shadow! (I wince and hold my sword up as a large, Lion shaped monster appears)
Trixie: At least it’s not as bad as the other one.
Me: I almost miss the squid.
Veronica: I don’t, for obvious reasons.
Trixie: And I am trying real hard to forget how you beat that thing. We need some stats on that thing.
Me: Hold on…I pull out a book) Ah, this one is weak to wind and electricity. And it’s worth quite a pretty penny too.
Veronica: That’s my cue then. (Veronica takes out an Evoker and points it to her head.) I will never get used to the sound this thing makes every time I pull the damn trigger. SIEGFRIED!!

(Veronica fires the Evoker. Instantly, a large ghostly looking Viking comes forth and smacks down the Shadow with a lighting charged axe attack.)

Tootie: Cool! Now it’s my turn!
Trixie: Wait, what are you doing? This is when we’re supposed to do an all-out attack and gang up on the guy!
Tootie: We could do that…or we could do what I have in mind.
Me: And that would be—
Tootie: SU-HIIII!!! (Tootie leaps forward, spins and kicks the Shadow so hard, it is sent flying through the ceiling)
Veronica: Wow, overkill much?
Me: I would ask where you learned that, but I won’t. Let’s just move on.

(Back at Druaga, Timmy, Chester and Molly stand over the safe which is currently on top of a defeated Francis.)

Timmy: And that takes care of enemy number two!!
Molly: You don’t think dropping a safe on him was a bit much, do you?
Timmy: Francis flosses with chains in the morning. Rusty chains.
Molly: Good point.
Chester: And he’s worth a nice $300…wonder who’s next?
Timmy: Good question. And the only way we’re gonna find out is by moving on.

(The three make their way to a wide open room, where Crocker stands in the center, arms crossed.)

Crocker: Welcome Turner! I see you survived the first two flunkies, but now you have me to contend with!
Molly: I don’t think we have anything to fear from a guy who has ears on his neck.
Chester: Careful, this guy’s a mad scientist!
Timmy: Uh. Teacher actually.
Chester: What’s the difference?
Timmy: Take a look at his paycheck for starters.
Crocker: Oh no, boys, it’s far different this time. I won’t be using any of my usual assortment of gadgets to defeat you. Instead, I’ll be using my body.
Timmy: That sounds unbelievably wrong coming from you, but seeing as you have the fighting ability of a snail, I don’t see—

(Crocker’s eyes glow as all of the objects in the room levitate around him. The kids quickly get out of the way as Crocker laughs and assaults them with a barrage of hurled furniture, bricks, garbage and lawn gnomes.)

Chester: Ok, I think we missed the memo where we learned he was a MUTANT!!
Timmy: This is new to me too!
Molly: Anyone have any ideas, now’s the time to use them!!
Timmy: Chester, time for the Fastball Special!
Chester: Are you crazy? That’s not gonna work!
Timmy: Our alternative is that we use you as a shield.
Chester: …hang on to your hat, crazy!

(Chester grabs Timmy by the arm, spins and tosses him towards Crocker. As Timmy balls his hand into a fist and prepares to strike, Crocker raises his hand and stops him midair.)

Timmy: Maybe I should have thought this out more carefully.
Crocker: You’re probably wondering how I’m doing all this. Thanks to a DNA sample I acquired from a secret lab, I have the abilities of one of the most powerful beings ever! Strange that it tasted of parsley.
Timmy: Parsley?
Molly: Why is it that I sense that the last word he spoke is gonna set off some sort of Deus Ex Machina event?
Narrator: Oh, how right you are Molly, because at that very moment…

(The wall explodes as Appa flies in. Riding on top of him is Aang and Twilight Sparkle.)

Aang: FREEZE VEGAN POLICE!!
Crocker: Vegan Police?!
T. Sparkle: Denzel Q. Crocker, you are charged with theft of the DNA sample of one Todd Ingram and misuse of Vegan powers without actually being a Vegan!
Aang: You’re coming with us!
Crocker: HA!! Like you can actually take me down! I’ve got his powers plus my brains! I can take anything you can dish out— (Crocker is hit with two De-Veganizing rays from Aang and Twilight.)
Narrator: But he couldn’t.
Crocker: No—not my powers! How can this get any worse?
Timmy: Uh, here’s one way. (Timmy head-butts Crocker so hard, he disappears, leaving behind two slips of paper.)
Aang: And that’s our cameo for the year.
T. Sparkle: Is it this crazy all the time?
Aang: Wait until you see what he’s got in store for Meg Griffin. (The two fly off on Appa.)
Timmy: I don’t know why, but I feel like I owe that pony for some reason.
Chester: Uh huh, you do realize that we’re probably gonna be stuck with a substitute teacher for the next few weeks.
Molly: And what’s with these ‘hint tickets’ anyway?
Timmy: Well, we’ll find out when the time is right. Besides, it can’t get any harder than this.

BUT IT DID

Mandie: Timmy Turner!! At last we meet again in battle!!
Timmy: Oh boy, me and my big mouth!
Molly: Ok, this requires a ladies touch. Stand back boys; let me deal with the green Amazon. (Molly pulls her sleeves up as she steps forward to face Mandie.)
Mandie: Ha! This shrimp dares to face off with me? Don’t insult my honor, you’re barely worthy of my attention. (Mandie pokes Molly in the shoulder with a finger.)
Molly: …don’t do that.
Mandie: Do what?
Molly: Poke me like that. I don’t like it when people do things like that.
Mandie: Oh? Then how about this? Or this…or this?!! (Mandie repeatedly pokes Molly all over her body.)
Chester: This is one of those things where the scene is going to shift to outside because something incredibly violent is gonna happen.
Timmy: Oh yeah, big time.

(Cut to outside of Druaga tower, where Cosmo and Wanda are)

Cosmo: Well, it’s about time we were shown! Wait, why aren’t we in this year’s story anyway?
Wanda: It’s because they couldn’t find a real good reason to include us in it this year. Oh well, at least we get to spend the day together.
Cosmo: Yep, it’s just you me and Dupree! (Cosmo holds up a pretzel stick.)
Wanda: Why do you bother naming all the things you will eat?
Cosmo: Gut reaction. And why do you suppose they cut to us anyway?
Wanda: Because something really violent is happening and we’re gonna see the end result right about—(Suddenly, a blurry object crashes out the window of the tower) now.
Cosmo: Was that Mandie?
Wanda: Yup. And she was going over Mach 18 too. I estimate she’s gonna land in the Jiangxi Province in about 7 minutes at her course.
Cosmo: Oh no, not the Sgt. Trumpy incident again!!

(Back to the tower. Timmy and crew make their way to the next floor, where it looks as though they are in a laboratory, but with one wide glass window.)

Chester: This kind of reminds me of A.J.’s lab. But not in the good way.
Molly: Don’t tell us you have another archenemy that is also a mad scientist!
Timmy: None that I know of. (On cue, a view screen slides down, which has Tad and Chad on it.)
Tad: Greetings, dorks!
Chad: You’ve made it by the skin of your teeth to this floor, but that is where it will all end!
Timmy: Oh great, two of the richest jerks around. As if we didn’t have enough problems with Remy!
Tad: We owe you for getting us in trouble with the Chompy Statue.
Chad: So, we got to thinking it’s time we invested on a project that would help us get our vengeance!
Molly: What, you geeks too cheap to fight us ourselves?
Tad: Oh, why get up close and personal, when we can do it with a push of a button?
Chad: Take a look outside!
Chester: Guy, did anyone else notice that Anamanaguchi’s “Giant Contraband Robot” just started playing?

(The three look outside to see that a few miles away stands a giant robot, similar in design to a Gundam, aiming at their floor)

Timmy: Oh crud. (The three duck for cover as a large laser beam cuts through the room, followed by a barrage of missiles.)
Chester: Ok, now that is just flat out CHEATING!!
Molly: They’re rich, they live for screwing rules! Damn it, I really wish I had gotten that anti-personal satellite when I had the chance!
Timmy: Hold it, maybe we can use one of these hints! (Timmy holds up one)
Hint Ticket Voice: Hey Timmy!! Did you ever get a chance to use that gift that Cosmo gave to you for Arbor Day?
Chester: Uh, Arbor Day?
Timmy: LONG story! But it never helps to listen to those voices! (Timmy pulls out a remote and presses a button.)
Molly: What did you do?
Timmy: Summon the appropriate backup. (A dull series of thumps are heard)
Chester: Uh…is that what I think it is?

(The robot that Tad and Chad pilot turn to look at the horizon. Hopping towards it is Mecha Pinkie Pie)

Molly: That is one hell of an Arbor Day gift.
Timmy: You guys may wanna cover your ears.

(As the T&C robot turns to fire, Mecha Pinkie Pie pulls out its own cannon and fires, blasting it to pieces as well as covering Dimmsdale in confetti.)

Chester: Did it have to do that?
Timmy: It has another attack where it takes a giant blade and—
Chester: I DON’T WANNA KNOW.
Narrator: And so, Timmy and his merry band of destroyers arrive at the floor where Remy Buxaplenty was holed up.
Remy: I’m not holed up here! I’m sitting in a rather tastefully decorated room I’ll have you know.
Timmy: Ok, Remy, the game’s over! Hand over the girls and I’ll let you walk out of here with your pride.
Molly: Or, you could take us all on and get possibly the worst ass kicking ever delivered in a incalculably insane fan fiction Valentine’s special with way too many refs!
Chester: Either way is fine with us!
Remy: Oh, but you forget, I am the last boss! And as we all know, the last boss is never a pushover.
Timmy: Bowser, New Super Mario Bros!
Remy: Hey, how was I supposed to know you could win with the Mega Mushroom that easily?! Enough talk, HAVE AT YOU!!
Chester: Uh, what’s he gonna do?

(Juandisimo fires a wand blast at Remy. He immediately transforms into a huge, angel winged, toga wearing version of himself with glowing yellow eyes and floats in the air)

Timmy: Oh CRAP.
Remy: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! BEHOLD! Now we’ll see who is truly the master here!!
Chester: Please tell me one of you has a seriously powerful spell or Limit Break we can use! PLEASE tell me one of you has NEO BAHUMAT.
Molly: That would be nice.
Timmy: Well, let’s see what the Hint Ticket says.
Remy: HA! No Deus Ex Machina event will save you from what I plan to unleash.
Hint Ticket Voice: Stand 5 paces to the right.
Chester: Well, that wasn’t much of a hint.
Timmy: What good is standing in one spot gonna do?

(Seconds later, a large Shadow erupts from the floor where they were standing and slams into Remy, knocking him down from the sky. From out the hole emerges Tootie, Trixie, Veronica and I.)

Me: WOW. You really got some distance there!
Tootie: Thanks. It helps that I got a running start and—TIMMY!!!
Timmy: Oh no. (Timmy is glomped by Tootie as Trixie and Veronica survey the area.)
Trixie: Wow, a tastefully decorated room for once.
Veronica: It was nice to get out of that dungeon after so long. But what was up with all of those other floors? They looked as if an army stomped through them.
Timmy: It’s kind of a funny story—wait, I thought you guys were kidnapped!
Trixie: Sorry, kidnapping was so 3 seasons ago!
Veronica: We were just taking our time trying to find a certain someone a nice Valentine’s gift for once. What are you doing here anyway?!
Molly: We were under the impression that you all were captured by the Fallen Angel over there.
Chester: So we mounted a rescue mission. A profitable one really.
Tootie: You came to rescue us? OH THAT’S SO SWEET!!
Timmy: Careful...ribs being crushed…
Trixie: And you thought we wouldn’t notice?
Remy: Well, I was hoping I could maim him before that happens! But no matter, you are all in my tower now and you will fall by my hand!
Me: Excuse me, YOUR TOWER? I believe you are mistaken kid.
Veronica: What are you talking about?
Me: I thought this place looked familiar…I’ll get to the point; this here Druaga is a bonus tower. Therefore it falls under the rule of the Bonus Boss that oversees the area and buddy, that isn’t you.
Remy: What are you talking about? Who’s the Bonus Boss?
Me: I AM!! (Lightning flashes) Cool, I got lightning.
Timmy: Wait, I’m a little fuzzy on the details.
Me: Sorry, but in between writing, they got me as a Bonus Boss for interdimensional quests. I had to agree to it after the ‘Fire Nation Paradise’ incident. But why the hell he’s here escapes me. (At this point, Elizabeth walks in and taps my shoulder.)
Elizabeth: I do believe you were sent a memo pertaining to his use of your facility.
Me: I did.
Elizabeth: Yes. But you were too preoccupied with a certain project involving Danny Phantom to pay heed.
Me: That would explain why I saw Norm…
Timmy: So, what now?
Elizabeth: It’s customary for the person who wishes to control the Tower to battle the current boss, one on one, to see who will take command. I’ll ask that no one interfere.
Trixie: Have you seen Remy? He looks like he could punch out a Slor.
Remy: I won’t lose to some 30 something pudgy writer. Prepare to face your superior.
Me: Uh, yeah, sure Richie Rich. I’m allowed to go all out, right.
Elizabeth: Yes. You are a Bonus Boss.
Me: Sweet. (I pull out a katana blade and take off my jacket as “Master of Tartarus” plays.)
Remy: NOW DIE!!!

(Remy raises his hands and fires off 3 huge streams of fire at me…which does 30 points of damage.)

Remy: What the—30?!!
Me: My turn. (A blue window that says “Triforce Slash NEO” appears)
Remy: …shit. (Remy is assaulted with a lightning fast array of slashes that does 9999 damage each before getting hit with a large sword beam that knocks him far into the sky.)
Timmy: When did you find the time to learn all of that?!! How can you do all that?
Me: You’d be surprised at what you can do when you’re bored out of your mind. Besides, I’m the Author. It comes with the territory.

(Cut to a large, somewhat lively club)

Narrator: And so, at long last our heroes made it to Club Shadow Moses for the Dimmsdale Battle of the Bands!)

Timmy: I have to say, this has been a pretty interesting Valentine’s this year. We walloped all of my arch enemies, except for Vicky—(Vicky runs by chased by a Chain Chomp)
Vicky: VERY FUNNY JERK!!
Timmy: I got a nice set of presents…
Tootie: I hope you appreciate the fact I punted a lot of Shadows for this gift of yours.
Timmy: And best of all, I get to take part in a sweet concert.
Chester: It’ll be even sweeter when we win.
Molly: You may wanna take a look at the band we’re up against. (I get on stage with a microphone in hand.)
Me: Ok, the first band tonight on the roster comes to us all the way from Japan! Give it up for Pocky and Rocky! (Shigeru Aoba with his guitar, Shinji Ikari with his bass and Asuka Langley Sohryu, getting behind the drum set, prepare to play.)
Shigeru: Uh, our first song tonight will be “Gyro Gearloose”
Shinji: Wait I thought we were gonna do—
Asuka: WE ARE POCKY AND ROCKY AND WE’RE GONNA ROCK THIS BITCH!!! 1, 2,3,4!!!!

(The band begins to play hard and loud, literally blowing the roof off of the place and launching Gendo Ikari out of his seat into a back wall.)