Future generations of scholars and historians* will need look only to six perfect words (or seven if you count the hyphenation) to understand perfectly the first week of November, the year of our lord 2012: "Crack-Smoking Illegal Alien Registered...

Perhaps the single greatest threat to the sanctity of the vote is dead people voting. We say "perhaps," because there is an even greater threat: the dead coming back to life and showing up at the polls just because...