We Are All Olympians (At Something)

Paul K—I don’t know about you all, but whenever I turn on the Olympics I just marvel at how badly I would do at basically every competition. Swimming doesn’t have a slow doggy paddle category as far as I have seen. Gymnastics…oh man, my body would disintegrate if I had to go anywhere near the rings or the dreaded pommel horse. This whole I am not an athlete realization got me to thinking about what in my life I could possibly compete for a gold medal in and I came up with parallel parking and corny jokes that make people cringe. I am excellent at both of those. Here are what some of the people around the Iacono Offices had to say for themselves.
Amy S—I’ve always said that if flying by the seat of your pants was an Olympic event, I would be a gold medalist. I’m pretty damn good at wingin’ it.
Rob W—I eat chicken wings real good. Also tacos.
T Bird—Hmmm for me I would say Pool Lounging. When I’m not working I take every opportunity to get R&R in our pool. I think I have the darkest tan of anyone at IPS (Is that 2 events/2 gold medals?) Kathleen K—I think I would win a gold medal if they added a category for ‘Carrying every grocery inside at one time”. Joel K—I’d like to be the captain of the U.S. napping team. I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat in almost any location or position. I could definitely nap my way to a Gold Medal….Wheaties box in my pjs and late night television appearances to follow. Tobi I—Wow. So tough. There are so many skills I wouldn’t qualify for if an Olympic competition became open for domestic activities. I have, however, developed a very consistent and highly unenviable skill of falling asleep (tragically) soon after I open a book when reclining. Posture is key. I can stay awake much longer in an upright position. If a glass of cabernet is added to the equation, my time to REM is greatly reduced, but that would probably be banned as a performance enhancing drug. And the Gold for Quickest Sleep State Achieved While Reclining goes to… Shannon P—My event would be Organizing the Kitchen. The cupboards look like they belong in an Ikea store. I have a specific place for absolutely everything, from the counter top appliances all the way down to the corn cob holders. And the inside of my fridge looks like a magazine ad. I would definitely take the gold. (mostly true) Morgan W—I could compete for a medal in cheering on the Olympians. Last night I tried to jump over my couch as a show of support and it did not go so well for me. Mike K—This is an easy on for me…cooking or baking! I love to do both and feel like I am pretty good at it.