My
friend Bob is a very special fellow. He's one of my best friends
here in New York. He is a lot of fun to hang out with and
he's one of those guys who you have to meet in person to understand.

He's
such a hard guy to describe. He's obnoxious, but sweet. He's
friendly, but an asshole. He says all of the wrong things
very very loudly... but he is also cool. He has high morals,
and yet somehow, also has none at all. And he has a neat speaking
voice too, but some say that "he has a girl voice...
and he knows it, and that's why he doesn't get any girls."

Anyhow,
the following is a series of letters written by Bob to a girl
(Trinity) he met while she was handing out fliers for a night
club. They exchanged information and she failed to respond
to Bob's emails and phone calls.

Hopefully
this will help you get to know Bob like I do. Hell, like we
all do.

Trin,

What is
the deal with you. I ask you to call and you say that you
will but you never do! You say that you have a cell phone
but you never turn it on. Let me ask you a simple question?
What is the point of having a cell phone and never turning
it on. That's like throwing money away. If you don't own a
cell phone there is nothing to be embarrassed about. If it's
just a voice mail you don't have to lie to me, I won't make
fun of you because you are broke and you don't have a cell
phone. I never had a cell phone, not because I could't afford
it, I just don't really care for them. I really understand
how it feels to be broke because I also used to be poor. At
one time I had to wear hand-me-down skate sneakers and hand-me-down
skateboards. So if you are poor and you only have a voice
mail I am not going to laugh at you. I've been there.

You probably
check your emails once a week because you don't own a computor.
You probably check your emails at your friend's house. I do
the same thing! But let me know what day you check your emails
and I can foward you my story ok.

Listen
to me I understand life can be really hard and I am here to
help you out. Just call me. The tcc phones only charge 75
cents to call Jersey. Most of the bums usually use that phone
so you might have to wait in line. If you need someone to
help you let me know. I always tell my broke friends that
I can help them. Just because I am white doesn't mean I am
rich. I was on welfare when I was a little boy and I am proud
to tell all my friends I am not ashamed and used to being
poor. Be like me be proud. I just hope that you are not homeless
because then I can't help you. You are on your own.

Bob

After
more of her not calling Bob decided to write another email to her.

Subject:
a little advice for you

I am really
sorry to bother you. I didn't know that handing out flyers
in the street for a shitty club was such a professional job.
The way you tell me about your shitty job you make it sound
like you own the club. If you were in high school and you
were handing out flyers for a club you would be labled cool
but you are not in high school and you are not a child anymore.

I think
its time for you to grow up. Even though you are 6 feet tall
and weigh about 185 (fatslob) you have the mind of a pea.
If there is anyone you should put down it should be yourself.
Try looking in the mirror!! I really feel sorry for people
like you. You are the kind of person that thinks they are
better than everyone but the truth is you are beyond a loser.
I would give you more respect if you were flipping burgers
at McMurders. The thing that made me laugh is that you take
your job very seriously. How serious can a job be if you make
2 dollar comission for each person you get into the club.
The most you can make in a week is about 50 dollars. I think
it's time to wake up and smell reality. I bet your parents
give you shit about you getting a real job. Why don't you
take your fat ass to Starbucks and get a job with benifits.

Love always
Bob

The answering
machine message that she left.296k"Bob,
this is Trinity. I just got your email and..."

hi i am jessica
navarrette and i think that you are a fuckin sico and this
is no way to treat jesus christ, he is our lord and savior
and i am reporting you, you damn idiot, and you should be
knocked out. bob, you need to shuve those figures of yours
up your boney ass. and this is mocking jesus, he dies on the
cross to save our sins, and this is not right. i am not a
judge but i know what is right and you are wrong you wack
off!! go to hell,

Jessica Navarrette
Hecaballero@wmconnect.com

And who would you
be reporting me to? Your mommy?

I
think this site is despicable...

Subject: this is
sinful

Hey Bob is it.
I think this site is despicable and you should have never
made it. It's a mockery to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
He died on a cross for the sins of the world and you go and
make a site like this to mock it. the picture up top about
magnets and ruining Christmas. Jesus in a Satan outfit. That
is really low man. What you want people to dress the Savior
of the world up like Santa or the grinch. Those who really
aren't the meaning of Christmas.

Man I will pray
for you but I am going to rebuke you for Christ gave me the
power to do that by coming into my life and saving me from
a life bound for hell. Bob you really should get rid of this
site and do some serious thinking and asking God for help
in a clear right direction for your life that isn't a mockery
to Christ. Well you have my opinion on this mockery site of
My (the worlds) Lord and Savior. He died for you and this
is how you repay Him. That's not cool man. Well, I will pray
to Him on your behalf but you should do that yourself.

Murray Wheeler
murray_ca17@nexicom.net

Regarding this
"dying" God had to do to make up for the sin-debt we owe to
the universe, how does believing in that concept attach me
to the paid-in-full people? Your crazy stories seem so crazy
to me. Do our bad deeds accumulate over time and collect in
the sky or do they disperse themselves onto us in the forms
of earthquakes, birth defects and popular sport upsets?

I have so many
questions about your strange beliefs. Is your god an other-worldly
being? Do you see ghosts (and do they see Him too)? Are there
other outer space creatures besides Him? If so, do you worship
them too?

Thank you for your
email. I am a sci-fi buff and I live for these types of stories.

Bob

Man
I know you may not entirely believe all of this but not
even us as Christians really understand it all.

Bob,

God is constantly
givinvg the people of this world a chance to repent and accept
Him as their personal Lord and Savior. Earthquakes and stuff
like that may be one of God's ways of showing this world that
He is there. There was a time when the whole world had a fear
and respect for God that was needed. Now look at this world.

Man I know you
may not entirely believe all of this but not even us as Christians
really understand it all. It's called faith and I would sooner
believe and find out that my belief was inadequate than not
to believe and find out that I should have. No there are no
aliens out there. God is a spiritual being the Ultimate Being
and not I don't see ghosts or worship anyone besides God.
Well, I guess I should leave it at that for this e-mail. God
bless and my prayers.

Murray Wheeler
murray_ca17@nexicom.net

Yeah, I know, it's
really crazy huh? No wonder everyone of faith is always trippin'
over themselves when it comes to making sense of it. So confusing.
Sometimes it looks like people will believe anything if the
threat is big enough.

Eternal hell fire?
Christ! Ya' really can't beat that. We used to have a fear
and respect for God that was needed, like back when weather
fluctuations equaled God's emotions. Back when cavemen used
to run from rain and ask forgiveness from an eclipsed sun.
Those were the days huh?

Yeah, we really
need more fear. We haven't nearly enough of it lately. Good
idea Murray. I'll start tomorrow.

Bob

there
is a place for you and you'll need a lot of sun screen
when you get there.

Not only are you
a Satanist son of a bitch, but you are a sorry pig too. This
country that gave you the freedom to say what you feel, was
founded on religious principle. It is not my place to judge
you, but I honestly feel that there is a place for you and
you'll need a lot of sun screen when you get there. Sincerely,
a Christian

Tim Wise
cwise8@backroads.net

Yay! Here I come
Acapulco!

When
you get to the fiery pits of hell, say hey to the bitch
that had you and the son of a bitch that fathered you
for me.

You can yay Acapulco
all you want to, but smart asses have few friends. When you
get to the fiery pits of hell, say hey to the bitch that had
you and the son of a bitch that fathered you for me. You have
guts, but all you'll ever amount to is the computer nerd that
you are. By the way the name is Tim you sack of shit

Tim Wise
cwise8@backroads.net

Tim Wise (you're
name is so ironic),

Yay! I can yay
Acapulco all that I want! Yay Acapulco! Yay Acapulco! Yay
Acapulco! Yay Acapulco!
And I'll have you know that I'll be in hell without my parents
because they're both Christians! So HA!

Dude many people
love himand all your doing is making fun off him so stop becuase
i love him very much

Lacie Cron
xxxbradxxx@frontiernet.net

No no no.... I'm
not just not making fun of Him.
I'm profiting off of Him too.
You understand, right?

Bob

also
not understanding what your saying

Hey, its sounds
to me like your making fun of him i mean like dude your counting
the ways how to pick on him so you are , also not understanding
what your saying

Lacie Cron
xxxbradxxx@frontiernet.net

No, what I'm saying
is that I'm both making fun of Him AND profiting off of Him.
I'm not just making fun of Him and that's it. There's actually
an entire business based around the mockery, and it is turning
a profit.

Now you understand
what I saying?

Bob

i
dont want u to talk to me

Hey

so u are but your
also makin fun of something else your not a nice guy and dont
talk with me because what your doing is wrong i dont want
u to talk to me ok so good bye bob

Lacie Cron
xxxbradxxx@frontiernet.net

Hold on a second!
You started talking to me first, right? I answered all of
your questions and this is how you treat me? It is very disrespectful.
I have feelings too you know. How would you like it if I treated
you like that? You wouldn't like it would you? I didn't think
so.

Next time think
about the other person's feelings before your own.

Bob

worst
guy in the world

you are the worst
guy in the world to make fun of Jeasus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Izylovr@aol.com

Hooray! I finally
beat Hitler!

...i'll
call my loyar

if you ever write
back i'll call my loyar

Izylovr@aol.com

What do you mean?
Like this?

And it's "lawyer"
babe. Um... can 12 year olds hire lawyers?

I
am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not 12!

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
not 12! I am 4! so get your sorry butt away from me or youll
be sorry-er

Izylovr@aol.com

Let
me rephrase what I wrote before.

Sorry Let me rephrase
what I wrote before. " If you ever write back I'll call my
lawyer"

Izylovr@aol.com

Yeah, you're also
going to need a spelling teacher huh?
I can see it now, being summoned to appear in court because
I emailed you: "U r heerby ordered 2 apeer in cort 4 the krime
of emailing when askt not 2 email some1"
Ha ha.... I'll be so sorry!