I am no expert when it comes to college football. This post has nothing to do with the athletic abilities of the Longhorns or their QB. This is all about the sweet stache Colt McCoy is sporting in the above picture. I think we all know what Colt did during the summer: tried his best to resemble a 70s porn star. All I can say is, Mission Accomplished! Supposedly the mustache was grown as some sort of team bonding. And sadly, by next week it will more than likely be gone.

OK, that stache is all sorts of awesome, and by awesome I mean creepy. Looking at that pic for too long scares me a bit. Here’s a pic of Colt when his face isn’t quite so hairy:

Sure he may look better without it but I think the stache adds character.

Ricciardi, if you trade him, I will seriously consider getting my passport renewed so I can personally come up to Toronto and kick your ass. (Theoretically.) I mean, it’s just like, have you heard your fanbase, at all? And plus, read this. Like, just read it. You don’t need to go and make good people worried about stuff, do you?

Jerk.

Anyway, in the event of any further anger, y’all should go here and type in “JP Ricciardi” (or the name of whichever GM has wronged you recently) and just keep on clicking “Generate another Rumour” until you’re too busy laughing to bother remembering that your fist may have a date with a pillow on which you’ve taped a crude drawing of their face.

Also, look how well they’ve been doing without Vernon Wells! Looks like he doesn’t feel so Wells, eh? Oh damn I am funny. (/defense mechanism’d)

For each one of you that sees the “Read the rest of this entry” link here and doesn’t click on it, a child is taught that Saves are useful statistics and that Derek Jeter is worthy of this year’s All-Star Game start. (So that’s a maybe. But do you really want to risk it?)

Good morning. Stephen Strasburg’s mechanics suck and he’s going to get hurt.

Definitely hyperabducts, and definitely has a timing problem. Hey, at least he wears his socks the right way. Seriously, though, observe the difference between that photo, and a photo of someone with good mechanics:

Straight line from elbow to elbow, leading foot positioned to land much more square to the place, and the ball held above the shoulder right before footstrike. Yeah, that’s what I call flawless.

So hey, Strasburg? You have a lot to learn, buddy. I mean a lot. Good luck.

Crane here, filling in for CuteSports. I apologize for the lateness of the hour, but hey, where I am, it’s technically still morning. This is what the Red Sox get for keeping the Blue Jays in third place over the weekend: You get to make fun of them!