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Wacky Wednesday: Most Memorable Birthday

Both my mother and Da Hype 1 have birthdays in February–last week, in fact. So, of course, I’ve been thinking a lot about birthdays and presents. I’ve had a lot of great birthdays, but my most memorable birthday was my 13th.

My birthday is at the end of August, so that was usually right before school started or during the first week of school. For my 13th birthday, I had a birthday party with all my friends and some of my classmates in the backyard. I also invited a boy–I’ll call him “Chris”–that I secretly had a crush on. I’m pretty sure he never knew that though; I was always pretty shy around boys.

My mother ran into Chris’ mother in the store one day, and she asked what I’d like for my birthday. My mother, for reasons I still can’t comprehend, proceeded to tell her what I “needed.” What I needed, she said, was underwear. Yes, my mother thought it was appropriate for a 13-year-old boy to give a 13-year-old girl the gift of panties. By the way, neither Chris nor I was present at this meeting of the minds.

Fast forward to my birthday. I’m sitting at the picnic table opening gifts from my friends. When I got to Chris’ gift, I tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box to find variety 3-packs of girls’ cotton briefs. I was absolutely mortified! My face felt hot. I was blushing. I slammed that box top down as fast as I could, trying to keep the other boys and girls from seeing what was inside. I was never able to look Chris in the eye again.

In retrospect, this is all quite hilarious, but the 13-year-old me certainly didn’t think so. Recently, I asked my mother why she told a complete stranger to buy me underwear for my birthday. She answered, “Because that was what you needed.” Incredulously, she still doesn’t understand why it was such a bad idea. After that debacle, my mother was prohibited from throwing me any more parties. I haven’t had one since.