6. Bleurgh [My bedroom, Manchester]

I can now testify that there is something worse than being at the mercy of a nasty bout of food poisoning: being ravaged by sickness (and the rest) with a tiny baby in tow and almost five months’ worth of sleep deprivation on top. What, exactly, are you supposed to do when the baby is crying, needs a feed or a nappy change when you’re trapped in the toilet waiting and wishing for it all to be over? It’s times like these I realise that, cripes, if anyone’s going to get looked after it’s Milo. Who then wakes every hour the night after I recover, demanding milk from the dried-up old husk that is his mother. Whoever said parenthood wasn’t a joy… but, anyway, illness and sleeplessness means travels have, of late, been curtailed. Normal service will be resumed shortly.