Thursday, August 9, 2012

I've come a long way since August 2010 when I reached Peak Weight™. I have lost half of myself, people are constantly saying how amazed they are how much smaller I am, but new people that I meet still see me as a "fat guy" because I still am. So, while I have come a long way, I still have a bit to go. That said, with how hard a time some people have grasping my weight loss, the one having the hardest time grasping it is actually me. I still have those moments where I forget how much weight I have lost and this morning I had just such an occurrence. Since I will be teaching class today, I decided to actually throw on some khakis rather than my normal jeans. They are the same size as my current jeans, and I tried them on at the store, but pulling them out and holding them up my first thought was "How the hell am I going to fit into these?!?!?!?!?!?!"

This type of event happens in other ways to, such as the way I react when walking down hallways when someone is walking the other way, or when I am trying to squeeze through narrow isles somewhere. I still have mannerisms as though I am carrying 300lbs more because I got so used to that. Those are hard habits to break, because they are more of a lifestyle then a habit. Acting appropriately for the amount of space you take up is human nature. Imagine if you are really tall and have to duck in certain situations, such as a low beam in your basement. Now, the next morning you wake up one foot shorter and walk into your basement. Even though you are nowhere near hitting that beam anymore, you will still duck. It will probably take you some time, or someone else pointing it out, for you to even notice you are still ducking. It will take even longer to break that habit. That is where I am right now.