(just a word of warning: i don't like to swear in this blog, but i have a trucker mouth and i've sworn in this post.....just so you know)

i'm starting to feel old.....like real old. or maybe i'm just realising i'm not young anymore.

i've never had that dread of a birthday because, you know it's another year older (gasp!)

this year i turn 27 and it's starting to hit me. even just looking at the numbers hits home a bit.it's my ten yr high school reunion...that's crazy shit.i asked a girl at work the other day if she thought the latest stan walker song sounded like anastasia. she asked me who anastasia was. (am i right though? it so does!)I heard will smiths men in black song on the radio last night. they said it was from 14 yrs ago. i didn't believe that for a second until husband worked it out and indeed, it was from about 14yrs ago.

fuck. i'm getting old.

it's made me think (quite deeply) over the past few days about growing up and life in general.

1. Why is it when you're a kid all you want to do is grow up and be an adult. And when you get to the adult stage and well, it sucks. Like it really sucks! I'd much prefer to go back to only worrying about what colour i'll pick next for my picture or being horrified because someone poked their tongue out at me.

2. When I was about 9 or 10 I was busting to be 13. I just wanted to turn 13 so badly because then I'd be able to be "free" and do whatever I wanted to. It was such a cool age. (i blame all this on the babysitters club books...they were 13 and allowed to do everything! claudia even had a phone in her ROOM!).

When I was 16 I remembered when I really wanted to be 13 and just thought "why?". how silly. Then I just wanted to be 20 and all grown up.

Ha. All grown up. now i'm (turning) 27 and look back to my early 20s (f*ck...i can actually say early 20s! that's an old person thing to say! hahaha) and think wow i was so young. I thought I was old, an adult and all grown up, but you're really just a kid still at that age.

I wonder if i'll think the same thing about my life now in a few years.

3. Does everyone feel young no matter how old they are? I feel like i'm still the young girl at school and gearing myself for life's journey. Where's the time gone??

4. I feel this...quite often. do you?

5. as my 26yr old self, i'd now tell my 13yr old self these pearls of wisdom i now live by:

The Baby sitters club has a lot to answer for (like my now 20 something year old dream about living in an old house in Connecticut where the yards have barns in them - given I'm austalian it's not s feasible dream!!)I freaked in my late 20's, then I turned 30 and all seemed ok again! this year I turn 34 and I'm freaked again as my early 30's are almost gone! I still feel young though!

lol, yes! I grew up reading the babysitter's club book and my friend and I found this house near us that was for rent. We wrote a letter to the council stating that we wanted to set up a babysitting service in it and how it would benefit society!