Friday, June 25, 2010

Dream Montage

I love dreams, always have. I even took a psychology of dreams class in college. I can only assume that I enjoy my dreams more now, because, let's face it, I don't get a chance to do much in "real life". I remember dreams very vividly, even those that I had years ago. I've always said that if I were an artist, I could make a fortune selling a book of their illustrations. I can usually always figure out what my dreams mean, even the most abstract. Last night, I needed no coaxing. My dreams seemed to come all in a row -all with the same subject matter.

#1 - Mike went out for a walk (in the neighborhood I grew up in) and he got lost. After not returning home for some time, I went out looking for him. As I turned the corner, I saw Mike, talking to a young person who seemed to be trying to help him find his way. I called Mike's name and he turned around - came running to me crying, and said, "I'm so glad to see you".#2 - I had a good friend all throughout high school until Mike was diagnosed. She just "couldn't handle" it. In last night's dream I was at home with my "friend" along with a few of her otherfriends (who I didn't know). They wanted to go out, but Mike was lying on the couch and he needed my help. Her other friends wanted to go somewhere, and were angry at me because I was not able to go. I was angry that they didn't understand WHY Mike needed my help - "how could they be so blind?" One in particular was VERY nasty, and my "friend" told her off. My "friend" wound up staying with me. At the end of the dream, I REALLY yelled at this woman. I told her that she was like so many other people who didn't understand JUST how hard this disease was. It felt so good for me to get it out AND have the support of my "friend".#3 - I joined the Navy and they were having an induction ceremony. I needed to find the right uniform and the family had to register for events. My sister and her family with with me, but Mike and Brandon were delayed. They needed more time to get ready, so my BIL told us to go ahead and they would catch up. They never showed up and right before the ceremony, I got a call from Brandon. He sounded MUCH YOUNGER than he does now and he said, "dad's lost". I panicked because the complex where the ceremony was happening was very big, but I immediately started to go looking for him. Brandon was still on the phone and he said, "no mom, dad is gone". With that I woke up.

The theme is all the same, but I have never before had so many montages of Mike all in one night. Apparently it's clear what has been on my mind.

About Me

My husband Mike was diagnosed at the age of 36 with Young Onset Alzheimer's Disease. For almost 11 years, my children & I took care of Mike at home - until he passed away on February 28, 2012 at the age of 47. When Mike was first diagnosed, he gave me "permission" to place him in a nursing home, but I chose not to do that. With the help of my children, family &aides, I kept the promise to myself that I would keep him home until the "end". I began this blog about 5 years ago to keep family and friends updated on Mike's condition as he weathered some difficult health issues and hospitalizations. During the process, it became a method for me to vent about issues that directly effected us as a family caring for someone with AD. Nothing along this journey has been easy & I will continue to advocate & be the voice for all those patients who have been silenced by Alzheimer's Disease. NO ONE SURVIVES ALZHEIMER'S, the disease does not discriminate and I will do all I can to make a difference. My faith has been my strength and we have been blessed with MANY angels along the way.
Mike will always be my hero!