Friday, July 22, 2005

Red Heart - Chapter 5

"He raped you?" Kevin interrupted yet again horrified.

Jode tried to make it sound as if it was no big thing. "No...If you call a lot of foreplay rape, then maybe."

Kevin shook his head not believing what he'd heard. "This is not the Jode I know. You're strong willed, stubborn to the core, you don't take shit from anyone. I can't believe you allowed this boy to do this to you." He was enraged. A side of the sweet tempered Kevin she'd never seen before.

"Kevin, this was the past."

"There are issues with the man you need to work out. He raped you!"

"I don't want to talk of this if you're going to spout charges."

Kevin calmed himself down and held her close as if to comfort her. "If I had only known I wouldn't have been so..." his voice trailed off.

"So what? What are you talking about?"

"When we were together, I could feel something keeping you and I thought maybe it was a broken heart or something. I didn't know it was rape."

Flustered, Jode refuted, "It wasn't rape, stop saying that."

"Did he force his will on you?"

Kevin had graduated with a BS in psychology with a minor in accounting. He could mind fucked the best of them, but Jode was not going to let him work his psychology on her.

"Kevin, I think I allowed these things to happen because of my self-esteem. I was ugly at that time. Horribly ugly and no one person really paid attention to me." She lowered her head in shame. “Kevin, I didn’t scrub my skin to death, because I felt bad about what he did to me. I did it because some part of me actually enjoyed it. True, I was young and I didn’t know a hoot about boys, or love, or evenI wanted his touch”

There was a long silence in the room as they stared at each other. Kevin held her closer and Jode relaxed, laying her head on his chest.

She blushed. "Yes, a long time of wearing braces and a lot of Noxzema. The passing of time, maturity and patience did the rest."

"He was still wrong to take advantage of your innocence,” Kevin said sourly. “Did anyone find out about that night?"

She shrugged. "Are you going to let me finish?"

Kevin cursed under his breath, but encouraged her to continue.

# # #

His mouth enveloped the small tips making them harder until her body felt like it was going to explode. Her fingers moved though his thick red hair as his hot oral cavity played havoc on her chest. His hand moved down between her legs and her wetness was evident by his easy access into her. She didn't fight, but responded to his every touch. How he knew to do these things to her seemed amazing and she didn't stop him, no matter how wrong it felt.

Abruptly, he stopped and pulled her up to a sitting position. "My turn slim," he whispered against her lips. As he captured her mouth, he guided her hands inside the boxers he wore until her small fingers circumference a mysterious velvety softness. When she tried to gasp and draw away, his kisses became more urgent and his hands became more needy until she relaxed and allowed him to guide her own fingers into pleasing him. She wanted to look down and see what he looked like because what she felt was bigger than a polish sausage and much more hard. But he continued the distraction with his lips until finally he was moaning as if she were hurting him.

At that moment, she knew she was in charge and he was releasing his control at that moment over to her and the power inside of her at that moment was unbelievable. He released her lips and buried his face in her neck.

"Don't stop," he groaned, holding her tight against him as her hands continued their motion he'd taught her.

Soon she felt warm stickiness all over her hands and him and wondered where had that come from. He was holding her so tight she thought she had stopped breathing just as he did in the few seconds the wetness covered her palms.

Amazingly, he recovered quickly and grabbed the covers. Snatching her hands from where they still gripped him, he cleaned them off with the covers and nudged her off the bed.

"Put your clothes on!" he barked.

Quickly she put her clothes on, and then he snapped, "Get out!"

She looked down at her hands still moist and there was some stickiness still between her fingers. For some reason she wanted to apologize, but her lips wouldn't move.

Opening the door, she gasped as Andrea stood in front of the doorway looking very accusingly at her.

Looking back at Stephen she saw him using the blanket to cover himself. "What do you want?" he snapped at Andrea.

"I was looking for Jode. What are you doing in his room?"

"I-I..." Jode couldn't come up with one thing.

"She was lost. Get the hell out my room. The bathroom's down the hall," he growled.

Jode quickly walked out and closed the door behind her. Andrea followed her to the bathroom and enclosed them in there.

"You weren't lost, were you?"

It almost hurt to swallow, Jode was so nervous. "I guess I was sleepy I went in the wrong door."

"You lie. You were in there a long time."

Jode's heart raced. If anyone knew she'd die. "He was fussing at me." She quickly washed her hands and moved past Andrea out the bathroom. "Leave me alone," she ordered and wentback downstairs.

Andrea continued to give her accusing looks the rest of that day, but she didn't say anything to anyone.

For a week, he left her alone, and then Kasey appeared at her home late one night after her father had gotten a strange call and left out. "Did you hear?" Kasey asked.

"What?"

"They're sending him away to military school immediately! Tomorrow! He was arrested at a drug house and my dad had to go down and pick him up, and then they found out some other stuff."

"Like what?"

"Some girl told he was feeling them up."

Jode's heart dropped. "Who?"

"They wouldn't tell me. They were whispering so low, I didn't hear the name, but my mother called your dad to come down and help them out. They told me to come down here to see how you're doing."

Jode didn't feel too well, but she didn't want Kasey to know that. "What else did they say about this girl?"

"It was someone at the party. Do you know who?"

"How do you know it was someone?"

"Because I heard my mother say 'she was just here for Kasey's party, if that happened why didn't she tell? You think it was Tonya?

"No, I don't think so."

Kasey made her own deductions. "He wouldn't hurt you, and Rita's too fat. I bet it was Andrea and she's probably felt him up and now feels guilty. Are you alright, Jode?"

"I'm fine." Her body was shaking so bad she didn't know what to do. "I just need a glass of water. Can you get me a glass of water?"

While Kasey left to do this, she composed herself. No one didn't know, did they?

After three hours, Kasey left as soon as her father came home. Jode pretended to be very tired and went straight to bed. Her father came up to her room as Jode was lying down wrapped tightly in her bed.

"You can talk to me about anything, Jode," he said.

"I know Daddy."

"Did anyone hurt you recently?"

She hesitated, before she said, "No."

He took her hand in his. "I won't be angry at you. I won't hurt you, Jode. I'll still love you if someone did something to you. Did they?"

"No Daddy," she continued to lie.

He sighed defeated and left.

Jode cried the rest of the night. Lying to her father was difficult, but she couldn't let anyone know how much she had enjoyed doing that to Stephen. It was perverted and her father would never understand that how Jode had enjoyed it because at the time she couldn’t understand it either.

# # #

"So he was sent away?" Kevin asked.

"Until he graduated and afterwards I don't think he learned his lesson, but I wasn't around since my father sent me to live with my aunt in New Jersey for the rest of my schooling as if he were trying to hide me. I think he knew I was lying, but I was protecting him and my own guilt."

"You shouldn't have."

After a moment, Jode admitted, "He came to me one last time."

"When?”

"The night before he was due to go. He was going to run away from home. He knocked on my window with a rock."

"And?"

# # #

She hesitantly got up and looked out the backyard window. He stood there looking up at her.

Quietly, she put on a robe and went out the side door. Immediately he noticed she didn't have on any shoes and scooped her up carrying her to the shelter as if she were a baby. For some reason, she didn't fight him.

When they were inside, he caressed her face gently. "I know you didn't tell, slim. I know who told and that's alright because they don't know what really happened." She almost detected a hint of shame in his voice, but she couldn't be sure.

"I won't," she said.

"It won't matter. I'm not coming back to this place anymore."

"Why did you come to me?"

He didn't answer with words, but drew her close to him and she didn't fight as his mouth captured hers again and again. It felt good and she didn't think she would ever receive attention like this from anyone ever again.

While he distracted her, he had unbuttoned his pants and removed himself from its jeans prison, and then he guided her hands to him. She knew what he wanted...she knew what he needed.

# # #

Kevin didn't interrupt as Jode explained the last time she'd saw Stephen. He listened with an open ear even noting the excited inflection in her voice and the way her eyes danced when she spoke of the intimacy they shared.

"He didn't run away that night. After we were done, he used a handkerchief to clean my hands, and then he kissed me longingly as if he knew this would never happen again. He went right back home and I watched the next morning comforting Kasey as Eric drove away with Stephen in the car. He waved, but I don't know if it was at me or Kasey. Either way, I didn't wave back, because I knew everyone was watching me - watching us, just like they were at the funeral."

"Andrea told?"

"She told Michelle. I think it was out of jealousy or just hatred. She never looked at me the same and I didn't care. I was glad my dad sent me away because I couldn't take her accusing eyes. During this time I was away, unfortunately, Kasey started hanging around with addicts and smokers. I think it was her way to retaliate against her parents for sending her brother away in the beginning, but then I think that's why I would indulge Kasey when she needed money here or there because I felt it was my fault her brother was sent away. The possible implications of Stephen molesting me were too much for Eric to bear. He was an upstanding community member running for city council and to know his stepson fondled a minor was too much to bear. Even if it was just a rumor, I don't think Eric wanted Stephen anywhere near the house anymore. Yet there were other things."

"Like?"

"Like Michelle had Stephen when she was sixteen and Stephen's father, as I found out later, was a sexual predator. He was shot in an attempt rape of an old lady who happened to have a thirty-eight in her purse, which was why Stephen came to live with them. On top of that, I later learned Stephen was way past puberty. He was the only boy in tenth grade that had to shave once a day, he had all his body hair, and he had a very powerful sex drive. I heard Michelle one day talking with my mother at how Stephen was just like his father and would have a trillion babies by the time he was twenty." While they had talked she had taken off her business jacket and skirt to reveal the slip she wore underneath her clothes. He'd only taken off his shirt to get comfortable on the soft fluffy rug.

"Does he?"

"I don't think so. Kasey said if he had babies around the neighborhood anyone would certainly know because of his red hair."

"And you? How do you really feel about him?"

"It was all a game to him and I treat it as such. I still fear him a lot, because of our past, but then like you said, I'm strong willed and I don't take shit from anyone."

Kevin chuckled kissing her cheek.

The doorbell rung and he jumped up to answer it before she could think about who it would be.

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