Saturday, November 22, 2008

Day of Defiance

I would like to be blogging about the super fun day I've had with my son while Curt was speaking at a youth retreat. Not so much. It's a good thing I had my quiet time today. Although honestly I can't tell that I did. I'm in a very intense mood and if a smile comes over my face it was put there by force. I just know I would be feeling even worse if I hadn't met with God first thing.

Today has been a major battle of wills between Jackson and me. I should have known what kind of day it was going to be when, during breakfast, I looked over at Jackson in his high chair and saw him squeezing his banana with both hands. He smiled at me so slyly. It wasn't the action as much as the expression on his face that was the indicator of trouble ahead.

Basically, my son woke up with a hard heart and not one consequence he's faced all day has softened it. As soon as the sting of one consequence fades, the spirit of defiance comes right back. I've tried all my tricks and then some. Today nothing is working. He's not learning from any of it.

This has got me thinking about the difference between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow, which Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 7:8-10:Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

Meanwhile I can't stop looking at the clock, wondering why 7:00 is taking so very long to get here. Today's been a battle, and I feel that I'm winning, but I'd rather not have had to fight it in the first place.

41 comments:

I remember those days. And you are winning b/c you haven't given up. Love perseveres and never fails. It may feel like we're failing but really we're simply persevering. Unfailing love is a love that doesn't quit.

We are going through the exact same thing with my 2 year old daughter. With her being our second, you think we would already know the exact steps to take. Amazing how different two siblings can be. My husband walked through the door the other day with Dobson's Strong Willed Child. Have you read it?

Oh girl. I am so sorry it has been a rough day. Those days are so hard.Remember that tomorrow will be better. It always is when kids are concerned.And tonight, after he's asleep, go watch him sleep. Something about watching the most wonderful thing in your life sleep will ease a lot of today's frustration. I know it does for me.

I'm so sorry to hear about days like that. Being a worn out pregnant mom of a toddler is hard on our spirit. Just think of it as preparation of the road ahead...but with more smiles, hopefully! I will pray that little Tachi will wake up with a loving, cuddly demeanor (and if that isn't the case, I will pray that Curtis gets him out of the house for a few hours!). Hang in there!

I had a friend tell me recently "I am a firm believer that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but lately I'm wondering just what He thinks I'm made of!" Sounds like you had one of those days! :) Thank goodness for early beditmes.

ahh Amanda, what a day you've had. Some days are just .... well, just hard. And sometimes the little people are just defiant and the best we can ask for is just to make it through the day. Praying that tomorrow is easier for you.

Do you point your finger just like your mom? I love that when she gets "the look" and that finger comes up pointing! There is so much power in a look, pointing finger, and hand on the hip...even if you're a size 0.Hang in there. I know he's experiencing some godly sorrow over his behavior!

It won't be the last!!! Those days sure are hard! Sometimes I think the Lord is trying to teach us as much about ourselves as He is wanting to reach the heart of our child. It is on those days of "squeezing" that what we are filled with truly comes out!

Hang in there! I want you to know that your honesty about the hard days is such an encouragement to me (and perhaps others) who do not have children yet. Thanks for being real. Praying for good rest for you tonight, and for grace abundant tomorrow!

I agree with all the comments. You only really lose when you give up. My son nearly killed me at Jackson's age - and the years directly before and after his age :-)

I have a feeling God is going to bless you with a very mellow daughter. He blessed me with one! I joke (not so my son can hear) that she's our reward for not leaving him by the side of the road for wild wolves to raise.

I was just reading an article on defiance and then I checked your blog and saw the title. These are hard times my friend. There are many days that I don't even recognize Tobey and then the next day he is back to his sweet self. Hang in there!

It feels so much better knowing you're not the only one going through definance times! Goodness! The squeezing the banana with a sly smile cracked me up. My 19month old son does this kind of thing all the time. Like looking at me with 'that look' as he SLAMS the cabinet or even his hand on the wall! At least he isn't banging his head like my little guys is right now! Good golly miss molly these are some tough times but yes these too shall pass and then people always say you will do anything to have these times when they are little and you can hold them, back again....ahhh bittersweet. Keep posting if you find anything that works!! :) Also I'm so excited for you having a little girl! I have one 19 month old boy and a 3 month old little girl and let's just say I loved little boy stuff but girl stuff is oh my! SO FUN! :) Blessings!

Oh My do I know where you are coming from. I have been learning so many lessons about my obedience to God from my sweet 3 year old boy. When I say something to him like "this is the 10th time we've had a timeout for the same thing today" it makes me think about my obedience to God, my repenting and how endless His patience and grace are to me. Some good news though, my 2nd child, a girl, is only 17 months old, hardly talks and is already listening up and obeying better than her 3 year old brother. Basically she has it much easier because of that. I am so glad that God is the ultimate parent. Because I don't love either of my kids less just because one has a harder time obeying, I know that God, THE parent doesn't love me any less when I have trouble obeying. BTW, I just bought myself a neti pot like you talked about on another post and tried it. It wasn't instant pain relief, but I am still hopeful. I will be praying for you, Curtis and Jackson.

I had some kind of morning with my daughter...before church of all things. I had to have some prayer time with the Lord before I started singing because my heart just hurt. She threw a fit from the time we started getting dressed (about clothes and shoes of all things!) until we got in the car. I spanked her three times, she stayed in her room, too. When we got in the car, she was just pouting and said, "Y'all hurt my feelings this morning."

I had to explain to her that I have to answer to God for the way that I parent her and if I continue to let her act disrespectful to us and throw a ridiculous fit, I'm not doing my job. It is so hard!!!

Hang in there girl...this posting is coming late afternoon on Sunday for you and I hope that you've had a better day with Jackson! I understand all too well with my nephew (almost 3 also) and my students (preschool age). Some days are tough...but you are so right about the impossiblility of getting through them without beginning the day on the right start!

Hang in there! Our third son had day after day of what you described!! BUT, he is now four and while those days do still appear they appear so much less now. So, keep winning the battles now and you will reap the benefit in the very near future!!

Days like that are so hard. Hang in there. You are winning by God's grace and the commitment you've made to be a good Mom. It's when we throw our hands in the air and give up that we really lose. Thankfully the next day is usually better!

I can relate, Amanda. My youngest daughter (3.5 yrs old) is going through a phase of defiance. In just the last two weeks I've gotten after her sticking stickers all over our cabinets and floors, drawing all over herself, and most recently, for taking a pair of scissors to our bedsheets! Yes, our bedsheets! I'm grateful it wasn't her hair. Lord help us! Parenting is tough.

I wrote a post yesterday about almost the same thing. The 'daddy hour' as my friend calls it. That hour or so before daddy gets home when kids are tired and crazy and you are tired and crazy yourself. Unfortunately those times, like yesterday for you are times when we are just surviving. But apparently they do grow up and usually become pretty normal people. Here's hoping! :)

Ooohhh...those are the days we earn those parenting stripes! It's on days like those, when can see them testing me, knowing that they're trying to find where the boundaries are what might happen if they happily right on past them that I see just how important it is to be consistent and to not let them get their own little way just because "she's only 2". I keep telling myself I will be gratified - rewarded isn't quite the right word - when they're grown up and they're sweet, polite women people like to be near!

Amanda: I remember those days - I just took a trip down Memory Lane to when my two boys were Jackson's age, and they are now 24 and 27! I can absolutely imagine Jackson's face while he was squeezing that banana - oh yes he LOVED doing it.

Boys - oh my, I love them!

Keep being consistent above all, especially in your loving discipline. I know it's hard when you are tired and pregnant - been there too. The battles will be won NOW and I promise you - when he is 15 and 16, you'll be so thankful you stood by the stuff!

That strong will and determination your little guy has will be great strengths for him down the road; it is just figuring out how to direct it and channel it that way. :) Everything is harder when you're pregnant, I think!

Oh, you bring back some memories. My oldest is so strong-willed, and when she was Jackson's age, I would often go to bed at night in tears. My Melancholy, people-pleasing personality type could not understand why she had to do things "the hard way". Today she is 18 and totally loves the Lord. She is just as strong-willed about her faith and decision to follow Jesus at any cost. For this I am thankful.

I had a horrid day with my almost-3-year-old yesterday and just blogged about. Then I popped over to your blog and saw the same thing. Oddly enough, it made me feel better...:-) But I'm sorry you had a rough day.

Oooh those are tough days.... I remember a day like that when my son was about 4, and he had been instigating fights with his sister (age 6) all day. Nothing was working, so I finally put him in his room by himself for about 30 minutes. I went out to pick up the mail, and because his bedroom window was right by the door, I noticed that there was something seriously wrong with his mini blind - all the slats were hanging down. So, I went into his room to discover that he had snuck a pair of scissors into his room and he had been busy cutting the strings on the mini blinds. I was pretty steamed....! Hang in there... If you give in to defiance, it seems to get worse, and worse.....

Sorry about your tough day, Amanda. I don't know what gets into us sometimes! Our kiddos just wake up bent on not listening to us. The same goes for us - we wake up sometimes just bent on being irritated, grumpy, or in a "get out of my way" kind of mode. I am so glad that God brought that Scripture to your mind to help you put it all into perspective.

Wow, I see what you are saying about the hard heart, godly sorrow, and worldly sorrow. The propensity to operate out of the flesh as soon as any chastening is over is strong in any of us. We have to learn and change at some point, right? God uses children to teach us many things, doesn't He? Godly sorrow is what we should want; more than that, what we need, amen? Keep shepherding His heart, Little Momma, my prayer for my nephews and niece and my children(?) is for them to know the Lord early in life. I have prayed that for your Jackson, too:)

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