Real advice from real people

“Are we wasting time because it’s never going to work?”

Me and my boyfriend have been together 18 months. I sometimes feel like we’re just too different and we’re wasting time together because we’re working on something that’s never going to work. I love him so much but sometimes I feel that I feel more for him than he does for me and it gets me down a bit.

I try SO hard to make things good with us. If we argue I’m the only person to fix it, if something’s wrong, I fix it. We live about 3 minutes from each other’s house and I’m at his house everyday but when I ask him to come to my house he never wants to…. I always have to make the effort. He does spoil me a lot but I just feel like a lot of our relationship is one sided. I ask very little of him and I really don’t get much in return of what I ask for him.

For Christmas my family from Melbourne are visiting and I haven’t seen them for 2 years. They were excited to meet him on Boxing Day at our family lunch so I asked him to come. He told me he’d pop over for 10 minutes so I told him not to bother because 10 minutes is hardly worth the time. I asked him again today if he’d come over and meet them as we were having another lunch and they were coming to swim in our pool and he told me he’d come over for a little while.

All I want is for him to try more and put in the effort I put in for him. Most of his family are from Sydney and I travelled with him to meet all of them. We were even planning to fly overseas to meet more of his family so I’m trying so hard to make it all work and be in his life, but I don’t feel he is doing the same. When he does go to my family events he will complain how bored he is till I take him home. I really don’t feel like I’m asking too much of him that he tries a little and puts a bit of effort in to do everything I do for him with his family for me.

Am I asking too much? I love him so much and I really do believe he loves me too but I just don’t know what to do. I try talking to him but he has a short temper and it turns into an argument all the time so it’s hard to talk to him…. please help

3 thoughts on ““Are we wasting time because it’s never going to work?””

Wow. That’s terrible. You are barely asking for anything and he’s acting like a spoilt kid. I think you should just move on to a adult. This is supposed to be the part of the relationship where he tries to impress you the most and I can’t even imagine how much worse things will be when he shows you his real bad side.

There is an imbalance of power here. Stonewalling you for making your needs known. Won’t look at his own flaws but you need to fix yours every time. He is calling the shots by dictating what he will and will not give in terms of commitment, and if you don’t like it, you are the one being unreasonable. Your needs don’t matter.
He doesn’t love you. Chances are that the more you try to talk and get him to understand, the more he will get angry and twist things. He’s got all the signs of an abuser. Think of it as an opportunity to get away from something that could possibly get a lot worse.