Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Not-So-Frigid Air

Okay, I don’t want to start panic in the hearts of all fridge-using citizens, but… I think we are in the midst of an epidemic.Based on the two actual incidents I am aware of, Frigidaire refrigerators ACROSS THE NATION are not actually cooling air to frigid temperatures any more.I don’t know if it’s an epidemic or an appliance strike, but since my milk has gone sour and my cheese is whiffier than usual, I have decided to take it personally.In fact, I’m taking it to the people:

People, Frigidaire refrigerators are craptastic frauds!They do not refrigerate!Revolt!!

Please excuse my language.

While I myself do not like to be cold, I do like certain things to be cold:milk, drinking water, hummus, leftover chicken, grapes, the pajamas I just tossed in the fridge.They all need to be cold.Regularly, reliably, ALWAYS cold.If it’s in the fridge, it should be cold.No question.

When I got home from vacation I discovered that while Boston – usually the nation’s frozen section – is sweating through visible and vile humidity, my refrigerator is letting its cold heart thaw.Naturally I did not discover this until after I had done my big post-vacation grocery shopping trip, so now I have a lot of fresh groceries that are wilting far more quickly than they should.

And this is happening mere days after my sister’s fridge also started acting all crazy and non-fridge-like.She’s in Texas and I’m in Boston but BOTH OF OUR REFRIGERATORS ARE FRIGIDAIRES.Coincidence?Ha.I think not.

My landlord did mention last night that this will be the second time he’s had to have this refrigerator looked at in 3 years.This was news to me.The most shocking part of that revelation was not that the fridge has a history of bad behavior, but that it’s only 3 years old.Given its old-fashioned appearance (old and dorky, but not enough to be considered ‘retro’ or ‘vintage-inspired’) I thought it was waaaaaaaay older than that.

If you have a Frigidaire and are also suffering non-fridge-like symptoms, please join in the paranoia.The only thing to distract us from our lukewarm beverages will be our conviction that we’ve discovered the latest conspiracy theory:our Frigidaires are out to get us.

Also, if you’re in the market for a new fridge, please avoid Frigidaires.I suspect they have a habit of not living up to their name.