Obviously, recent events are likely to form the bulk of the book, as that’ll clearly be the main draw (heh, ‘draw’) for most people. However, it’d be completely remiss of him if he were to miss out details of his childhood, Red Dwarf and his previous and unjust time in prison. All in all, it has the makings of being a damn interesting read.

One thing’s bothering me, though. Hasn’t he released one of these before?. No Irish, No Niggers is a title that’s been floating around in the ether for years, and one that I’ve always meant to look into a little further, but apart from the Amazon listing and the odd mention* here and there, there’s little to nothing to suggest that the thing was even released. Anyone got any more information on this?

The new book will be called On The Rocks (do you see what they’ve done there? It’s very clever. It’s referring to rocks of crack) and it seems it’ll be mostly based on the diaries he wrote during Crackgate, which perhaps suggests it’ll not actually focus much on anything else, which would be a shame as there’s *loads* more about his life I’d be interested to hear about. Of course, the other possibility that it’ll all be ghost written from his diaries, which would be shit.

* Actually, that’s quite an interesting interview in itself! It still only briefly talks about the book as if it hasn’t been published yet, though…

I like how probably the only two Dwarf moments of Lister with a book have been used for images here and on thofficial.

> Charles to have a crack at writing

I know the endless old ‘crack’ jokes/references shouldn’t make me laugh but they somehow do, at least after several JD and cokes (OMG ‘COKE!’ bwehehehewuhhuhuhu!!) It’d be a bit fuckin boring if it was just about let’s say a recent incident which got him suspended off corrie, so it’s gotta be about his life too you know Dwarf and hbaving kids and poems and stuff, how the movie won’t be made, how he hates Chris’s guts or hated rather, how he never touched that bird etc. Whatever I still believe he’s a genuinely good bloke and I’d read his book, I own The Log which wasn’t even fucking written by him, maybe the fucking intro, who knows or gives two???

If the book is just about his recent spell in rehab then would anybody really want to buy it? I’m not sure how many real fans that Craig has who aren’t Dwarf fans so surely they will include stuff about his years working on the show. That said, as he has already conducted a million interview s about Dwarf so is there anything left to say? Either way, I doubt I’ll be making the purchase.

> If the book is just about his recent spell in rehab then would anybody really want to buy it?

It’s not about baing a fan of Craig, is it? It’s about the cult of celebritty, the gossip factor, the tedious Hello/Heat culture we’ve got ourselves into. Aside from that moronic girl on Big Brother, are people ‘fans’ of the Beckhams? Or do they just like the fame and the gossip?

Craig’s troubles were front-page news. If it were a story about him getting, say, married, or having a child, it’d be mid-paper, half-a-page. BAD news sells. And when it includes pain, misery, drugs, sex, vast sums of cash and a TV show everybody knows…well, what percentage of the public care whether they ‘like’ the celebrity or not when there’s dirt being ditched?

Plus, from a business point of view, if this one sells well, he can do another book about his general life (I don’t think ‘NI,NN’ was ever written or released), and a THIRD about Red Dwarf. Think of the advances!

If nothing else, Craig has a real gift for language. That alone should raise this slightly above the usual ghost-written gossip…even if the subject itself isn’t to my taste.

> And what?s this about The Log not being written by him? I know it?s not brilliant, but WTF?

He co-wrote it.

Some fans, if they were feeling in an unkind mood, would suggest that he “co-wrote” it (with Russell Bell) in the same way as the majority of footballers “co-write” their autobiographies with sports journalists. That is, his name’s on it, but he didn’t write it.

Of course, there’s no real way of knowing exactly how much of the material is his – personally, I get the impression that the book was actually put together by Bell, but that there are a fair amount of Charles gags (a lot of which seem similar to the style of his standup) mixed in with all the Darwin awards stuff that they filched off the internet and built half the book around. This is of course nothing but speculation based on reading it – Andrew may know more about the ins and outs of it.

I didn?t say no-one was a fan of Craig; only that ?fandom? isn?t the only thing that generates sales and coverage.

You’ve completely lost me. I in no way oppose what you’ve said.

Anyway, what better way for a celebrity to capitalise on the quickly dissipating fame that a recent trauma has garnered by releasing a hastily written autobiography? (And it must be hastily written before the fame and interest is completely eroded.) To me this is no better than the latest hardback produced from the fetid, blood stained anus of Jade Cunting Goody (her real middle name) and her retarded, shiny-chinned, racist man-monkey.

A revealing, intelligent and truthful Robert Llewellyn style offering would be impossible to achieve in this day and age without some sort of hook (“MY MUM FORCE-FED ME COCAINE THROUGH MY EYEBALLS WITH A SPONGE PREVIOUSLY USED TO CLEAN ANTELOPES!!!!!!!”). Maybe Charles could consult with him about it. But that would require effort and time, and who the fuck can be bothered with that?