Beautiful writing. I love the way you've structured this, adds to the ambiguity and let's our minds run away with us trying to add up the little clues you've given us to play with. I must admit the numbers confuse me, though they're probably meant to... adding to the "Entangled" feeling of the text. Not in order, not clearly specified, but all clearly linked in some way. Like the three characters you're writing about. There's no start or end, just a situation that seems impossible to sort through.
10/10 again. Loved it. x

Kate, before I start, I must say, when you first requested this to be reviewed, I just sat here for a while and thought about how I could possibly review you. I'm such a huge fan of yours; I can't critique you! And to be honest, there's absolutely nothing to critique here. This piece is art, it's perfection!
Firstly, I will gush about how incredibly interesting your second person POV makes everything. It's such a captivating insight you bring to the story with it; it drew me in from the very first line! It's so masterfully done and I'm absolutely amazed! Second person can become a mess so easily (trust me, I've ruined it plenty of times), but you've kept the flow of this with the POV and added something so unique to this story!
Beyond the perspective, another thing which drew me in was the beautiful, melodic language you used. It had a poetic quality - the words were strung together perfectly. All the descriptions of emotions just seemed to flow so well and everything in the writing seemed so natural.
The description I loved most was your description of Molly in part 10. It's so short and yet so poignant and deep. It creates this intense air of mystery about her and carries Molly through the whole rest of the piece. I love how you can use such few words to convey so much. Teach me your ways! (please?)
Although I must admit, I was a tad bit confused at first (this may just be my brain being more than slightly frazzled after having 3 tests today) but slowly, it started all making sense. I had multiple "aha!" moments, when everything fit together so perfectly it can only be called genius.
You're one of my favorite writers, Kate, on so many levels. I know so many writers who can create a wonderful plot or create intriguing characters or use words effectively, one who can do this that an the other but never one who can do all of it as well as you. You are truly an inspiration and there's really nothing I can say to critique this. I love this piece as I do the rest of your writing. You're simply brilliant!

Author's Response: god, i have no idea how to respond to this! THANK YOU would be a fantastic start!

You have made me blush. seriously. i don't think I deserve all that *hides*

I love second person POV. There is something so magical about writing it and I am so pleased you liked it. this fic would not have worked without it, I don't think.

I wanted this to be rather abstract and poetic. I didn't want anything to be glaringly obvious, because they aren't to Teddy. the 'aha' moments you had were expected - that was what i wanted from readers. It is not meant to make complete sense straight away!

*blushes* there I go again. god. i don't know what to say. thank you so much, for all your wonderful comments and thank you for reading. i really appreciate it hun!

I loved this. I really really loved this. You write beautifully, my favourite line was this one: "It is easier, being angry. You understand that, acknowledge it in the pale grey of the early morning when the space between you and Victoire is wide, when the sheets are cold and her shoulder an ice-berg." well, honestly I loved the whole thing! :)

Author's Response: thank you so much for such a lovely review! i am really happy you liked this and cheers for the compliments!
xx

I'm sorry this review won't have much sense to it. I really can't form words at the moment. Oh, this is bad. No, I can do this.

Your writing is so beautiful. It's natural and it flows and it's so unique and gripping. It felt like I was swaying in the breeze as I read this story, so peacefully, yet the air, at times, felt like knives (this is a good thing, I promise). There were sentences that struck me and I carried them with me to the end of the story - or, perhaps, they carried me. I do hope I'm making sense. Sometimes my feelings toward writing are inexplicable.

I read this story twice, and it was so powerful re-reading bits that I thought were about Victoire and realizing they were about Molly. It brings such depth to the piece. I don't often like being tricked by a piece of fiction, but this worked. In this case, being tricked was everything. I honestly can't see this piece having been written chronologically. It would've lost its magic (although, your writing still would've been beautiful).

What I don't quite understand is, what happened to Molly? What is this 'medical procedure'? I'm slightly confused, and I wonder if the vagueness is intentional. It certainly adds to the surreal feeling of the piece, which I love, by the way. Some clarification would be nice, though, because at the moment I'm clueless.

I love the circular ending. The 'she is patient,' which goes back to the 'she was patient' at the beginning. It's very eerie. It makes me dislike Victoire. She seems very manipulative and I feel as though Teddy was almost tricked into loving her, in filling his void from Molly with someone else. We are never told specifically to feel this way, but then again, we are not told much in this story, yet so much is implied. I love that about this story. We learn so much about these characters through few words. Brilliant.

Okay, enough of my gushing. Basically, the structure worked, the writing was beautiful, the characters breathed, and the situation was heart-breaking. You did such a wonderful job. My only quibble is that I'm left slightly confused, but the feeling isn't entirely undesirable.

- Gina

Author's Response: GINA!!

O.o
woah. seriously?? you felt that from reading this? i don't know what to say. wow. just wow. i am so happy that this worked - that it flowed and felt natural, cause it was hard to write. teddy's voice was very real and came easily but structuring it and getting it to balance was difficult at first. so thank you!

hahaha trickery is love! i was worried that it would be to tricky you know, that people would get too confused and hate it but i am glad that it not the case.

molly was pregnant with ted's baby and she had an abortion. she wanted to keep it, he freaked in that whole 'but we can't have a baby' scene so she terminated the pregnancy and then, victoire snatched him up anyways :( poor molly. i didn't want to throw it right out there in the writing - sort of the thing teddy knows happened but didn't want to acknowledge and then has to because Vic wants babies.

you are meant to dislike her :) and i am glad you did, cause that meant that line worked, lol. you are right - he filled a void. she waited, saw things with molly end and pounced on him.

thank you sweetie. i hope some of this clarifies it all up for you and thank you again for this wonderful wonderful review!!!

I'm going to admit what pulled me in was everything really - the title, the summary, and the banner were all quite enchanting. I'm not particularly fond of Molly/Teddy stories as I am quite the Victoire/Teddy shipper, but I thought that I would give it a chance anyway. I absolutely adored Broken, so I thought I would give this a read through.

There was another who called your attention; one who had danced around the periphery of your eyes for as long as you could remember. One with hair like snow and skin like cream and you wondered if you could love her as you once loved another. Those were my favorite lines. Bam, they were so powerful and so beautifully written - and gah! I wish I had thought of them.

This was so very sad, and I couldn't help but feel bad for Teddy even if he was the monster in all of this.

I hated Molly, oh I hated her. It's no crime to love someone, but I hate familial cheating. It just burns me up like no other. I think that's why Teddy/anyone but Victoire burns me up so much. It seems if anyone is to be cheated on, it's usually Victoire and that breaks my heart.

I didn't like Victoire in this one, though, either. I hated her, as well. She seemed too possessive, demanding, and had this need to be in control which annoyed me greatly.

Your characterizations were wonderful and really well done. Especially since I sympathized with the cheater, something I never usually do.

The flow, the description, the vocabulary, the essence of this was pure poetry and it was so very lovely and wonderful. I loved it despite it's heart breaking nature.

I didn't find any mistakes in any of this things nor did I find any grammatical or spelling errors that needed mending, but I didn't really anticipate I would find such things.

This was gorgeous, and I absolutely love it.

Great job!

♥
linders

Author's Response: hello darling! i am so happy you came to look at this and i am so happy you liked it!!

i didn't intend for this fic to be so sad, i really didn't. i wanted more intrigue and back-stabbing and all that lovely stuff but then, this arrived. i really don't like torturing teddy but i think he looks good tortured (i do that to him a lot, lol).

ahh molly. i feel sorry for molly. she had him first, and she left, and victoire snatched him up! so no one was cheated on, not really. but yeah, vic usually gets it doesn't she?

you hated Vic too? lol. that is exactly how i wrote her darling. you weren't meant to like her or sympathise with her.

thank you sweetie!! i am thrilled you liked it and thank you for the lovely compliments!

I both understand and am completely confused by your story (I suppose maybe that's what you intended). It's mind-boggling. I've rarely read stories that actually show bad things or the bad sides of people, rather than just over-dramatizing, blowing things out of proportion, and making them unrealistic. Sometimes people are afraid to change someone's view of a character, but you were not. You make Victoire calculating when she is often kind, and it actually makes sense. By the end I was rather creeped out by her 'patience'.

Your writing is so real and (for lack of a better word) raw that it truly strikes me! I had to read parts over multiple times just to be sure I understood the meaning behind your words... it's so detailed and yet so vague at the same time that I still want to read it again.

I particularly love this line (though it's hard to choose): after Teddy gets the key, "In the street outside, you wonder what men do in these situations." It just made me smile. Your take on the characters is fantastic--you bring Molly and Teddy to life with the short scenes.

The thing that mainly confused me, though, that I didn't ever understand--why is Molly an outcast/what is the truth? It has something to do with a 'medical procedure'? Were we not supposed to know? For a while there I thought Victoire did something to ruin her but I'm doubting that. It surely must have been something big...

Author's Response: hi there
thank you so much for such a lovely review hun. i am really happy you liked it and yes, parts of it are confusing and its okay that you feel confused because teddy is confused too.

i don't know what to say to all your lovely compliments so i will simply say THANK YOU and thank you for understanding the characters.

Ah Molly. Molly was pregnant and she had an abortion. Teddy was the father and it happened when they were, well when she, was young. it was the thing that pulled them apart and it was the thing that neither of them, or the family, had ever dealt with. it was swept aside, kept hushed and molly was therefore sort of swept aside with it.

It's going to be difficult to review this properly because I'm actually crying. Stories don't often make me cry, but nor do they make me feel the overwhelming emotion that yours has. It's spectacular, Kate, that's the only word for it. It's swirling and confusing (in a good way - the pronoun "she" made me more watchful for details as to whether you meant Molly or Victoire) and demands a very close, thoughtful reading, and those things make it special for me. It's not a straightforward story because the characters are experiencing anything but straightforward events - Teddy himself is swirling and confused by all that goes on around him, by the women who refuse to make things easy.

The line that hit me right away was Your ear is seared with the sound of her voice and yet, when it is your turn to empty your thoughts into the darkness, you are always talking to yourself. After reading that, I was more invested in this story than I've gotten in a fanfiction story for some time - I literally couldn't look away as I followed the fragments and the lines and worked to piece together the puzzle of these characters' lives. But that line! It's absolutely beautiful! It has such a rhythm to it that I could not resist falling prey to.

As for the structure, you make it work for you very effectively, allowing you to piece together the story based on theme rather than chronology, and that's always very important whenever writing a story like this. The pieces have to fit together in some logical order, and I think that they make more sense - and is more emotionally devastating - as you have them placed here as if you had written them in order, if that makes sense.

What else to say except reiterate my love of this story's beautiful use of language to demonstrate the simple fragility of emotion in human relationships. It's an oddly chilling story with its way of ending with Victoire watching, waiting - she's very femme fatale in this story, a role that I find, personally, suits her. :P Molly is more slippery, but the real victory in this story is how realistically you wrote Teddy. The male "you" voice can't be easy, especially in a romantic context, but it's definitely credible here. Basically, everything you did in this story is amazing and now I'm going to creep back into my cave of envy and cry. ^_^

Author's Response: pfft, susan. get out of your cave and make room for me because that is where i feel like going when i read your work!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

I am so happy you liked this! It made you cry? wow. just wow. that I was able to evoke such a strong emotion...i almost feel like crying now!

Teddy is swirling - he is completely lost when he is supposed to be grounded, and he cannot do anything to stop it. he is torn and conflicted and haunted by the past and then, the present. what makes it worse for him was that he did not acknowledge the past until he saw Molly again and until Vic started talking about babies.

that line...i have no idea where that came from. i just had this idea of a grieving woman, pouring her pain into him but he cannot do the same to her because his grief is different and he doesn't want to mar hers in any way. she cannot listen, cannot hear him, because she is so lost at that moment.

it was such a mission to get those pieces to fall into line! putting it out of order - i don't know what possessed me to do it, i really don't, only that yes, i saw more theme here than chronological events.

that you use the word 'simple' in reference to fragility really strikes me, because i wanted there to be a simplicity to this. i wanted to use simple words and simple phrasing but use them carefully and with precision. this was probably the most exhausting piece i have ever written for that reason. it took a long time.

Vic is very femme fatale. a black widow spider. she is patient because she knows she will get what she wants in the end. i agree - it suits her.

it was surprisingly easy to write teddy. his story and his emotion came through to me so fluidly. this wasn't meant to be second person initially - it was third, but there was something missing, an intimacy and a distance at the same time. I tried first person but that was too...personal and as a woman writing a man...i found it very difficult to convey what i needed. so second it was, and second suits it best i think.

I'm so sorry this has taken so long, Kate. I'd have felt dreadful if I'd inadvertently ripped you off, though, and with only one chapter left for me to write, I can finally get to this! It's probably going to be one big ramble too so apologies for that.

So, so, so...structure's a good place to start. I absolutely love it. This is the first story I've read where the chronology's out of order and it's marked by actual numbers rather than Roman numerals. I actually really liked it. I felt it reflected the era better than it would have done in Roman numerals. I don't really know how to describe it; like...digital against analogue, I suppose? I think it worked really well.

Similarly, starting each section with 'and'. I can hear my high school English teachers screaming at me for saying it but it does wonders for the flow of the story. It feels a little like it's never-ending, something else always coming into play to change them and each section piles up and the whole thing runs extremely smoothly. It's so well done, and I think the fact that (obviously) the part labelled 0 doesn't start like that really makes an impact on the reader, even if they don't realise to begin with. It wasn't until my third read-through that I noticed and realised exactly why it felt so different. It's so simple and it brings the story about full circle in the most brilliant way, with the first and last lines paralleling each other. I'm turning green :P

Okay, way too much rambling on structure. Onwards.

Whenever I see second person, I groan. I really am not its biggest fan which amongst TGSers is rare but I didn't even register this was in it until I skimmed your other reviews and saw someone point it out. It absolutely pulled me into the story and you made it work fantastically. Often, second person unnerves me but it really didn't here. I felt so much for Teddy and it made everything he did and felt extremely vivid and clear.

The prose was, of course, stunning. Everything about it - word choice, sentence structure, formatting - worked in the most fantastic way. Physically, on the screen, it looks quite bare but you manage to say so much in what appears to be so few words. It's brilliant. I think my two favourite transitions between sections were 14 and 6, and 5 and 2. The way they ran together really hit me quite had and I now understand how this took you so long to get right. 17 parts is one of the biggest out-of-linear-chronology stories I've come across and I can't even begin to think how long it took you to work this out as you have.

Characters are divine. I've already said that I felt for Teddy but I feel for Molly too. That might just be because it's me but the way her story isn't resolved is part of what makes it so, I think. The dialogue between the two of them seems to say a lot, even when it's short and there's a real intensity between them and their moments together that works very well.

Actually, the entire thing is intense, and Victoire kind of scares me. I think it's that final section, the waiting and the waiting and how she works Teddy around her. It was kind of unsettling.

I think when you first posted this in the help section at TGS, I pointed this out but some of the dialogue still feels really awkward to me. I understand what you were going for but I'm not sure it creates the effect you wanted, especially for Victoire in 12 and parts of Molly in 1. The rest of it is absolutely perfect but it was the couple of lines in those two sections that threw it off balance. It just disrupted the fluidity enough to stand out from the rest of the story.

Aside from that, which really is more of a niggle than anything, this is so, so good. The storyline is wonderfully executed and I feel so much sadness and pity for the characters. The writing is beautiful and the structure is really special and clever.

I'm still so sorry this took me years to get to and I hope it's not too rambly and at least makes some degree of sense.
♥
xx

Author's Response: O.O
OMG HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO THIS??? That is why I haven't yet - I have no idea what to say!!

I should start with THANK YOU!!! so much. you have no idea how much this amazing review means to me!

your comment about the numbers is very interesting - i didn't use roman because a) i don't know them past ten and b) i couldn't be bothered looking them up, lol. but, the way you put it, i can see that now so i'm glad my laziness was beneficial in this case!

i am also really pleased the out of orderness worked!

i know! using And to start each section had a part of me cringing!! but, i'm happy it worked. i wanted something that would show repetition without making it ridiculously obvious that things were connected. The 0 part, Vic's part, couldn't start with And because even though shew as part of the story she was also outside of it. for me she was, anyway.

i adore second person. absolutely love it. this wasn't second person originally - it was third, but i felt it lost something. there was the wrong sort of distance between reader and narrator, and first was too hard for me for this. i couldn't get it to work, so second it was.

i wanted that minimalist feel to it - visually at least. i didn't want this to be huge and saturated in words, so i chose the ones i did use carefully. and i wanted to use simple words too - not sound like i ate a thesaurus, like i sometimes do :P

those sections would be my favourite as well. they are, to me, the biggest parts of the story.

i am so pleased you liked the characters and yes, molly is so sad because her story doesn't get an ending. Victoire is scary. i saw her a kind of a black widow spider in that last section, just waiting patiently until she could get what she wanted. *shudders* i didn't mean for her to come off so...nasty, but she did somehow.

yeah i still agree with you about the dialogue in that section, but i just couldn't nail it completely.

thank you so much darling!! i am so so happy you liked this and thank you for this amazingly thought-provoking review!!!

You planted kisses on her belly and was rewarded with a pearly laugh.-- I think it should 'were rewarded' instead of was. I may be wrong but I'm pretty sure its just some subject/verb agreement error. No biggie, Kate :).

So I've read this, like, four times since I got your request and the first time I was just so overwhelmed by all of it. It's beauty and its sadness and its just so many emotions I think I would've imploded if I was Teddy.

I really, really like it though, Kate. It's almost Hills Like White Elephants with some very different characters and a very distinct choice; you do not leave this ambigious solution to this implied problem. It is very clear how everyone in this little love trio is being affected.

Molly is lovely and dark and kinda sad. I read it and wonder if she has had anyone there for her. If anyone in her family was willing to be bigger and become a potenial source of consolation or comfort for her. Because I see progression for Teddy, the opportunity for him to move forward. It seems very unfair for Molly for me.

But Vic all the same is just portrayed in this cold light without much else to be included in her character. She comes off a bit flat for me, a bit of inftuation on Tedddy's part if even that. I think that it works with the story and how the puzzle pieces fit together but at the same time, I wish I could have a bit more of the dynamics of two of them, of their relationship.

Overall, Kate, its still making my head spin now but I love it. I think its powerful in the way that you use second person. Its very poetice, Kate, love and I thought you did an amazing job. I think that if I read it seven hundred thousand more times, I would still be finding something amazing about it,

Well done on it all, Kate, love. Love you!! And you--its beautiful.

~Lindsey xx

Author's Response: hello darling!

oh yes you are right - meant to be 'were'. I shall fix that up!

thank you so much Lindsey! I'm really pleased you liked it (i have no idea what Hills like White Elephants is though, lol. book? movie?)

i am just really pleased that this worked! i was really unsure about it, especially the non-linear narrative.

You are right - there is progression for Teddy but not Molly, or Vic. that is the sadness of it for me - that he is able to move forward but Molly does not have that opportunity.

no, you are right about Vic's characterisation as well - as we only see her from teddy's eyes, all we get is the object of his infatuation. there is no depth to her, because he doesn't see any depth to her. i did think about writing more of their relationship but i couldn't get it to work without changing the nature of the piece.

thank you so much my darling! i adore writing in second person - it is so personal.

This was really beautifully written. People rarely write in second person, but I think, when well-written, it has so much more impact than first or third. And this was incredibly well-done. I think the combination of, as you said, "second person, present tense and non-linear narration" worked perfectly. The second person point of view had a really big impact - especially with that ending line. The non-linear narrative you employed in the story had good transitioning and I think, made the story a lot more poignant. Although, it was slightly confusing, but after re-reading it I think I finally understood. I have to know, and I may be wrong, but is the patient girl Victoire?

Your description was also really well done and I have to say this again - the writing was really beautiful. I liked Molly's character a lot. I think her little dialogue has a lot of truth in it and that Teddy sort of found solace in her. I also really liked Teddy. He was confused and grappling with the reality of his life, but I think his frustration was realistic. Anyways, I think that this was wonderfully put together and written. I can safely say that I've never read anything like it.

Amanda

Author's Response: hey Amanda!!!

thank you for such a lovely review hun! i am really pleased you enjoyed it.

i love second person! i have a few fics in second person POV now and i just find it beautiful to work with, given the right characters. this was originally third person, but it was lacking that impact that i wanted, so i made the decision to change it.

thanks so much - i am glad those other choices worked as well! yes, the patient girl is Victoire, and i kind of imagined it going full circle for her - she wanted teddy when he wanted molly, and she got him, but i think she always knew he was not over molly.

thanks so much! I was terribly worried about how Molly would come off - how they all would come off to the reader - so i am very pleased it seems to have worked! he did find a sort of solace in her, but he was never able to provide her with the solace she needed.

*hugs* i am so glad you liked it and thank you so much for coming to review!

Aw, Poor Teddy! I loved the emotion, it was so clear and it almost hurt to read. I feel so bad for poor Teddy. I loved the conflict he had with his feelings about both Molly and Victoire. All round, this was sooo good!
You should be proud, I would be if I had written this!
~Izzy

Author's Response: i know! poor teddy. i didn't set out to make him so miserable, i swear!!