Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling promoted their new movie La La Landby putting their hands in cement at the TCL Chinese Theatre yesterday. Ryan Gosling is either making that face because being in that position is causing him to want to cut one and he’s trying to keep it in. Or he’s trying to block out the thoughts of what his sucio scat-loving fans are going to do with these pictures in Photoshop – Lainey Gossip

]]>Leonardo DiCaprio And Donald Trump Met Up To Talk About Climate Changehttp://dlisted.com/2016/12/08/leonardo-dicaprio-and-donald-trump-met-up-to-talk-about-climate-change/
2016-12-09T01:35:51Z

Donald Trump made Oklahoma attorney general Scott Pruitt, who’s a climate change denier, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, so yeah, he probably still believes that those pictures of malnourished polar bears are just Chinese actors in malnourished polar bear costumes posing on a studio set in China. But because Jabba the Trump is a star fucker who also really loves getting his dirt star kissed by celebrities, he met with the savior to the environmentLeonardo DiCaprio at Trump Tower yesterday. Yes, our future overlord met with Luke from Growing Pains (his greatest role, honestly) about climate change, and he’s also staying on as the executive producer of the Celebrity Apprentice. That confirms it. When the clock struck 12:01 on January 1, 2016, we were also sucked into to an alternate universe.

In addition to maybe fulfilling the roles of the First Lady (excuse me while I wet heave into my mini desk trash can), Ivanka Trumpmay get into climate change and so she was at yesterday’s meeting with her dad, Leonardo DiCatchAHo and Terry Tamminen, the CEO of the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation. Terry told CNN that they all met for about 90 minutes and mostly talked about how renewable energy can create jobs. Terry gave this statement afterward:

“We presented the President-elect and his advisors with a framework … that details how to unleash a major economic revival across the United States that is centered on investments in sustainable infrastructure. Our conversation focused on how to create millions of secure, American jobs in the construction and operation of commercial and residential clean, renewable energy generation.”

DiCatchAHo gave Jabba the Trump a copy of his documentary Before The Flood after the meeting (and I’m sure Trump immediately threw it into a bonfire along with all copies of his tax returns). DiCatchAHo also gave Ivanka a copy at a different meeting earlier this week.

I can picture it now. Trump probably served Leonardo and Terry charbroiled polar bear cooked on a barbecue powered by nuclear energy. Yeah, that meeting was mostly just for show, but I’m sure something did come out of it. I’m sure that Trump did ask the leader of the Pussy Posse about how many pussies has he grabbed. And that led to Trump offering Leonardo DiCatchAHo the position of Secretary of Pussy. And that wouldn’t even come close to being Trump’s craziest decision yet.

Madonna’s Carpool Karaoke segment aired last night as promised on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Thanks to a promo clip, we already knew she was going to attempt to twerk in James Corden’s karaoke room on wheels while cruising around NYC.

Madonna and James sang Madonna classics like Vogue, Papa Don’t Preach, Express Yourself, and and they also sang Bitch I’m Madonna. James also got deep and asked her if she’d get married again (she just wants someone who understands her sense of humor) and grilled her about her friendship with Michael Jackson. Here’s what we learn about Madonna and MJ: she once got Michael loose with a glass of chardonnay and kissed him. She doesn’t elaborate on what happened after that kiss. Thank you Madonna! That was very kind of you.

At least she stayed in her seat somewhat. It would be too dangerous if she was allowed to move around the cabin. Nobody wants to watch A Very Special Carpool Karaoke that opens with Madge pretending to jerk off the parking break while singing Who’s That Girl and ends with a terrified James Corden squealing “Oi oi oi stop trying to hump the steering wheel!”

It’s a well-known fact that Madonna doesn’t care for NYC’s laws, and last night’s carpool karaoke proved that. Twerking, crotch-flexing, and hanging her business out of the car window? That’s two blatant traffic infractions right there: riding without a seat belt and distracting other drivers with your horny mom moves.

Based on the pictures taken on the Baywatch movie set last March, it looked like Zac would spend the entire movie shirtless. The trailer, which was released today, has determined that was a lie. Zac wears a shirt, he wears a leather jacket. The Rock, on the other hand, is only in a couple shirts. That might not be intentional. Paramount clearly blew all their budget on the amazing green screen effects at the 0:20 and 1:37 marks, which means they probably didn’t have a whole lot of money left over for The Rock’s custom-made shirts in size-PM (python arms). Regardless of the shirt situation, this trailer makes Baywatch the movie look almost as cheesy as Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding, ergo I’m kind of into it.

The Rock plays Mitch Buchannon, one of Leonardo DiCaprio’s former girlfriends (Kelly Rohrbach) plays a less silicone-y CJ Parker, Priyanka Chopra makes a quick 0.6-second appearance as someone who never hit the gym once during filming. And Zac plays a douchey gold medal-winning brah swimmer with Sun-In streaks who loves to party. Technically he plays Matt Brody, but that’s not exactly the Matt Brody I remember from the Baywatch TV series. Hmmm…I wonder who this new Matt Brody could be based on? I guess we’ll only know for sure if Paramount releases a second trailer showing The Rock catching Zac’s character pissing on the walls of the lifeguard station bathroom.

Two seconds after this picture was taken, a volunteer mistook Courtney Stodden for a life-sized Christmas Angel Precious Moments figurine that someone donated and threw her into a box. The child who gets her for Christmas is so lucky.

Like most of us do, The Porn Iguana went to a charity toy drive done up like the North Pole side-piece that Santa does doggy style behind his toy shop. Everyone who was at the 9th Annual Babes In Toyland Charity Drive in Hollywood last night, got the priceless holiday gift of Courtney’s jumbo-sized plastic Christmas tree balls, nearly exposed holly jolly nipples and her coochie-looking belly button. Because of her powdery face and red-tipped nose, she is giving off “Michael Jackson as the gorgeous love child of Pamela Anderson and Rudolph.”

And Courtney’s look is the ultimate Christmas look, because her spectacular chichi domes look like the heads of the Baby Jesus and Baby Santa snuggling together on Christmas Night.

“Dear Jesus, thank you for answering my prayers and getting me the heck away from this table of Clinton supporters.”

If you don’t watch The View, then you might not know that co-host Candace Cameron Bure has been noticeably absent from the show lately. DJ Tanner is a busy lady. She’s got her gig on The View, the second season of Fuller House, Hallmark Channel movies, plus a family and calls from Jodie Sweetin asking for a ride “to a thing, don’t worry about it.” Candace may smile like a robot at times, but that doesn’t mean she is one, and she recently decided to quit one of her jobs. Candace, while wearing one of Liz Sweeney’s hand-me-downs, returned to The View today and announced that she was leaving after two seasons to focus on everything else.

She picked a great day to announce she was making like the Subway delivery guy at Kirk Cameron’s birthday party and getting the hell out of there. If she had any doubts about leaving, all she had to do was glance over at Whoopi’s confusing Christmas sweater to remind herself that it’s time to go. “Is that a strawberry? Is she wearing a strawberry? How is that Christmas? You know what, it’s best I don’t know.”

Mick Jagger has probably spent a giant chunk of his adult life wet humping and raw dog boning any and everything, so there may be Jagger spawn spread all over the world. That may explain why my Ancestry.com results revealed that I’ve got about 0.89% Jagger blood in me. But as far as we know, Mick was a dad to seven kids and now an eighth human gets to call him their father.

Last July, we all learned that Mick’s 73-year-old great-pepaw peen and balls still got it and aren’t busting out dusty infertile nut loads. One of Mick’s jizz fishes knocked up his current girlfriend, 29-year-old American ballerina Melanie Hamrick. Mick’s rep tells People that today in NYC, Melanie’s first baby and his eighth, came pirouetting out of her body. The rep didn’t say what Mick and Melanie decided to name their baby, who’s a boy, but if you’ve got a total of eight children and the memory chip in your brain is 73 years old, then you’d be dumb to not name your kid anything other than “Hey You.” Mick’s rep spilled out this generic statement:

“Melanie Hamrick and Mick Jagger’s son was born today in New York and they are both delighted. Mick was at the hospital for the arrival. Mother and baby are doing well and we request that the media respect their privacy at this time.”

Mick’s other children are aged 17 to 45 and four of them are older than Melanie. Mick’s also got five grandchildren and one great-grandchild.

Sir Mick is still a seasoned slut and believe it or not, there’s still genitals out there that haven’t been touched by his great-grandaddy dick, so sources say that he’s keeping it casual with Melanie. He’s not looking to marry her, but a source tells The Daily Mail that they plan to co-parent their baby together and he’s setting her up with a home in NYC and giving her money. Before your picky ageist ass says some shit like, “ewww, I’d never let current day Sir Mick bust a moth ball in me,” read this following blockquote, take a look at your checking account balance and then ask yourself again.

Sir Mick is understood to have given Melanie a $150,000-a-year maintenance deal to help the ballerina raise their child.

He is also believed to be helping the New Yorker find a home in the US to raise the boy.

The $150k will be paid until the child is 18, with school fees also paid for. After secondary school a trust will help cover further education and expenses, which could be as much as £500k.

Only until the child is 18?!!! If I was Melanie, I’d make my son wear onesies and diapers for as long as possible. “Oh Mick, darling, your 91 year old ass is mistaken. Baby Hey You isn’t turning 18 this year. He’s only turning 1! And Baby Hey You, shut up, mommy’s talking. Go back to drinking your birthday beer, I mean your birthday apple juice. ”

And because you may not know what Sir Mick’s Baby Mother #5 looks like, this is what she looks like:

Brad Pitt’s legal team asked the judge in his child custody war with St. Angie Jolie to seal the details of their fight and stick them in a place that nobody would dare to look (under a By The Sea DVD). Yesterday, the judge turned down Brad’s request and today, someone hit him with a, “Ha ha, bitch you tried,” by leaking some more information about their custody situation.

Angie currently has temporary full physical custody of the child army and Brad gets visitation rights that are monitored by a therapist. They’re also all in therapy. That’s what the temporary agreement says and both Brad and Angie signed it in their BLOOD (I’m guessing). One of TMZ’s sources wanted us to know that the therapy they’re all getting is not cutting it for her. The source says that Angie thinks that Brad’s drunken meltdown on a private jet left their children traumatized and so she wants to bring in a specialist.

In a letter from Angie’s lawyer to Brad’s lawyer, she suggests that her whole family meet with a trauma specialist. The source added that two oldest members of the child army, Maddox and Pax, have only been to one of the therapy sessions and they ended up walking out of there.

Lainey Gossip posted the alleged letter that St. Angie’s lawyer, THEE Laura Wasser, sent to Brad’s lawyer, Lance Spiegel. As to how Lainey and TMZ got the e-mails, I’m not sure, but the teeny tiny part of my busted brain that is capable of producing semi-reasonable thoughts believes that Laura and Lance BCC “THE MEDIA!!!!!!” in all of their e-mails. Laura Wasser reportedly sent Lance Spiegel the e-mail on December 1st after learning that Brad wanted to make changes to the temporary custody agreement. Brad’s side is planning to file documents asking for more non-therapeutic visits with his kids. Angie would rather be seen vacuuming up several Whole Hog Burgers at Uno Pizzeria with her mouth while an “I Heart Chelsea Handler 4Eva” trucker cap than let that happen. Here’s just a piece of the e-mail:

There must be a middle ground upon which we can all agree, one which does not necessitate a public battle. Angie’s reluctance to enter into a stipulation to seal the file stems from her firm belief that litigation is the wrong decision.

We have discussed a custody evaluation in this matter. As we advised yesterday, we are agreeable and would like it to commence immediately. We propose that Dr. XXX be appointed. Is Brad agreeable? You have told us that you will not agree to the appointment of minor’s counsel. We feel it is essential that the children have advocates who can communicate with the evaluator or the judge on their behalf. Will you reconsider? We also propose that the parties participate in joint sessions with a trauma specialist so that they may learn how to best support and interact with their children given their currentstate.

Please consider and ask your client to engage with us in trying to figure out how to effectively satisfy this family’s concerns.

Lance sent his response to Laura the next day and made it Windex-cleaned clear that Brad isn’t backing away from asking for more visits. Lance also committed a blasphemous sin against God by suggesting that St. Angie Jolie is trying to push Brad out. Clutch your rosary!

The message that I attempted to deliver on Wednesday was that it is inconceivable to me that the court will not provide Brad with much greater access to the children than the time that I proposed earlier this week. It would be an extraordinary understatement to describe Brad as an involved parent. Based on evidence that has been corroborated by multiple sources (including public and private statements from your client), he has been a great father and there is no reason to exclude him from the children, including the isolated incident that was investigated and rejected by the DCFS.

As you know, we have confirmed that we will be present for the meeting on Monday. However, I have to tell you that this case is not going to end up in a court room because of my reluctance to listen to the therapists. If there is litigation, it is going to be because your client is either unable or unwilling to recognize that the children need to continue to have two loving parents in their lives.

As Lainey points out, after getting Lance’s e-mail, Angie’s Justice League of Custody Fighters officially filed the temporary custody agreement with the court. That was probably their way of puffing up their chests at Team Brad and making sure that the terms they agreed upon aren’t screwed with.

This whole wreck of a situation has become so damn public that I’m sure even Kelly Rutherford is looking at Brad and Angie like, “Try to have some decorum!”

Many legal experts have already said that Brad will most likely end up with 50/50 custody. But if Angie somehow manages to get what she wants, which is full physical custody, then she has something good to put on the application for that United Nations dream job she apparently wants so much. She can use her custody fight against Brad as an example of how she’ll get down and dirty to win. Evil dictators of the world, beware, because future Secretary General Jolie will ruin you via TMZ! And all of us are as far removed from this situation as possible and even we may need to see a trauma specialist when this messy mess is over. We can send the invoice to Brad and Angie.

The last time we checked in with Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s human Four Loko headache of a son Chet Haze, he was apologizing for using the n-word and announcing he was going to stop doing coke and crack. That was a little over a year ago, and we have an update on Chet Haze’s life. One of the things Chet did in the time since we last heard from him was make a baby. Yes, Chet Haze is a dad.

InTouch Weekly broke the news yesterday that 26-year-old Chet became a father in April to a baby girl that was conceived during a “drug-fueled one-night-stand” with a woman named Tiffany. Chet may have been allegedly Chet Hazey while making a baby with Tiffany, but a source tells In Touch that the birth of his daughter made him get clean and sober.

“Chet’s now sober and is currently working as a drug counselor. He lives in Santa Monica and pays $2,800 a month in rent, with the help of his dad. He’s telling everyone that this baby truly changed his life. Chet is financially supporting the baby, of course, with Tom’s help.”

Sources claim that Tom and Rita, who already have two granddaughters from Colin Hanks, really love Baby Haze and spent Halloween with her. Chet returned to his old stomping grounds, Instagram, and confirmed the news, but with a few clarifications.

A video posted by LA / WORLD WIDE (@chethanx) on Dec 7, 2016 at 2:59pm PST

Chet says:

“Look. I know I’ve been not that active on the ‘gram lately, because I’ve been figuring out my life, which is what we’re all doing. And social media’s all bullshit. Anyway, with that being said, I wanna share something today because it’s about to be shared anyway in the press, which is the fact that I have a daughter. I do have a daughter. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She’s the reason I turned my life around and got sober. I’ve been sober today over a year and a half, from everything. I don’t share her on Instagram. I don’t post her on Instagram. Because her privacy is sacred to me. She is sacred to me. She’s not something to be posted. She’s something that I love, that’s changed my life. But the fact is, she’s about to be shared with everybody. So I want you to hear it from me before you hear it from the media, because I’m a real person. It hasn’t been easy making all my mistakes in public, but I’m figuring it out. I’m doing the best I can. Love you.”

Chet also hopped on Twitter and defended his baby mama. He’s clearly not too thrilled that the media announced the arrival of Baby Haze before he did.

Chet doesn’t say whether or not In Touch’s source was telling the truth when they claimed Chet was working as a drug counselor now. Chet may be full-time employed or he may be supporting Baby Haze with the odd television residual check. Financial responsibility aside, I think Chet Haze might end up being an ok daddy. The only proof I’ve got are those two orchids behind him in that Instagram video. You’ve got to be living life on expert-level to keep an orchid from turning into a wrinkly sad plant corpse held up solely by that little plastic plant hair clip attached to a stick. I once killed an orchid by sneezing on it. If Chet Haze can keep not one, but two orchids alive, I think he can handle a human baby. I think.