So I have been getting some instruction to pick the one thing that is going to get me to what was outlined in Homework Part 3. Being a serial procrastinator who is typically busy anyway on top of being distracted by everything, I manager to get brought along on a business trip to represent my company. So.. Mix that in with being a workaholic, I just haven't had time until now to get my homework assignment…. So now, it's after midnight… this is due at 10AM. I had better get started huh?

So I have started a new website called ZackDoes.com. What is "Zack Does" you ask?

"Zack Does" is a media expression on Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, and Sound Cloud.

The general premise of "Zack Does" is that I have spent the better part of my life trying to substitute things for experiences, and I am missing out on a lot. I am going to take my life back from the acquisition of crap and survival to not only live, but thrive through experiences. I am done being scared of what other people think… I am done being scared of losing things… I am going to live again. All with the underlying tone that I am living for Jesus.

So right now, I am having a conversation with my oldest about how I can't do this alone. She is excited and my son is excited…

So… We are moving toward Comedy how to's, motivation, and scary/crazy things like short videos on twitch… like old guy does game reviews on 10 minutes of gameplay…. Silly things like that. We will be getting together with all the kids to… pardon me… all the creative team to review…

The idea is that BSA seems a little farther off… Not dead… Just not something I can do soon. So, if I can grow this media campaign, the way I want to… I will start getting into new channels and streams, that will lead to "God and Guns".

So I have been asked to write my life mission…. And well… in BlackSage-eze… .the obituarty I want to have read over me at my funeral.

I am going to write this as if it's being said of my coffin…

Here lies Zack Wagner… he was a faithful husband, fathful father, faithful friend. He is in the arms of Jesus now waiting for us to come and join him. Knowing Zack, he has set the table and will have been cooking like crazy getting ready for us. His wife passed recently as well, and I know they are in heaven together as we all knew their faith was strong. He is survived by his 5 children, 40 grand children. His children have taken over the legacy he has left behind. BlackSage Arms LLC has been a solid provider for him and his children. He will be burried next to his wife on their 180 acre ranch in the Hill Country of Texas. The foundation that he and his wife started has put 120 kids through various Christian schools around the nation, focusing not only on tuition, but uniforms and making sure they have hot meals. he was heavilt involved with their church and they have left a sizable donation. In his will he has asked that he not be acknowledged by the church. He will be missed. We all knew, loved and respected him.

Ok… so… The part 2 in this is going to be me actually making the statement…

I believe that success is…

Not having to work yourself to death, In a church home, deep in relationship with Christ, being respected by your peers, being in a financial position where you can be an outrageous giver and having enough funds to follow your passion. All while sitting on your 180 acres of shooting and hunting grounds surrounded by people you love.

I was asked to define success. I don't honestly know where to begin. i used to think it was money… I thought it was career… I thought it was a lot of things. I am laying in my bed, in my underpants, on my laptop… Just trying to put it together… At what point will I be successful? That is a total moving target. So lets start with what I DO know.

I know that if I want to feel successful, I will no longer be trapped by a job.

I will no longer be trapped by a clock.

I do not want to have my life restricted by pain.

I want to not have any hinderance to worship of God

I want to leave behind a thriving legacy

I don't want to be afraid to take risks

I want at least 200 Acres of my own so I can do long distance shooting and hunting.

I want my wife to be able to relax.

I don't want to be the tool that makes some else rich. I want my efforts to go directly into the Wagner family coffers.

I want to be a an insane giver.

I asked my wife "What does it mean to be successful?" Her response: "To not have to worry." I then asked he this: "Being married to me for almost 20 years, how do you think I define success?" Her reply: "To be respected. You have always needed external validation."

I can't deny that what she says isn't valid… but I feel it's only part of it.

So, today was mostly a good day. I have been informed that I get to go on a business trip here soon. I am looking forward to it. I don't think I have ever traveled for my current job. I have been there almost 6 years. I have been nose to the grind stone, non-stop since I started too, so having an opportunity to represent my company and my team is a huge feather in my cap. Well, at least personally. Not sure how the company feels about it as a whole. I printed out my Gallup personality test reports for my personal development/Professional development coach. Ok, well, I sent her the digital copies and I printed them out for myself; I'm a paper lover.

I left work early today, as my wife asked me to pick up my daughter this morning. I actually got to see the sun. Didn't know what to make of it. I swear it has been ages since I've seen it. I have to say it cheered me up… right up until the point where I got to get my groove on with rush-hour traffic. I swear these fools in Omaha totally forget how to drive between the hours of 4PM and 6PM Monday through Friday. The concept of merging is totally lost on these people and they refuse to let other people in.

Rude, rude, rude.

I have to really push my desire to road rage down. I want to teach some of these jokers a lesson… but.. as I have a serious allergic reaction to incarceration. So, that’s one big fat not gunna happen.

It's 2018. February 12th, 2018 to be exact. I have arrived to work 10 minutes late.. My morning was spent trying to deny the fact that it was Monday and I yet again got lost in Facepage. I jumped out of bed at 9:09AM, ran for the shower and out the door by 925AM. Warmed up the truck and raced to work doing 80, to still arrive at 9:40AM.

Why am I rambling about my morning?

I came to the realization this weekend, that I am tired. Deeply tired… like all I want to do is sit on the couch and vegitate, sit on the xbox and vegitate or sleep. (granted all 3 things weith my wife around, because you know… I like her and all). I'm not depressed. I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and the bumper sticker is in the mail. I know how that feels, how achy I get, how run down I get, how I can never seem to catch my breath… So I get and understand the feeling of depression. This isn't it.

After spending time with my Personal/Professional Development Coach, I was presented with some great ideas. Some things that I can do to move my passions forward. Later that day I had a great brain-ideasplosion about it. Had some awesome ideas… had gumption… then I got near the couch… and that was that. No church, no playing iwth the kids, no growth… just… sitting there passing the time. Wasting what was a perfect opportunity to make things happen. I even put off fixing the sink until my wife asked me to fix it. Went to Home Depot, got the parts I needed, went to Walmart… ended up buying my wife a few gifts… and then.. went home. Fixed the sink and then? and then? Plopped my big butt back on the couch and finished out the night there. Went to bed and here I am.

See, I work a lot… at times, I feel like it's all I ever do.50+ hour weeks are normal… I have been working this way for at least 6 years, if not more. I actually averaged 13 hours per week in overtime. I have worked as many as 105 hours in a week and I cannot remember the last time I worked only 40. I know it has happened, but I think it was when I took time off… No wait… I always get called. Interesting fact though… This was the first weekend in a few months where I was not called at least once. So what did I do with all this free time? Oh yeah, as I said before, I sat my big butt on the couch.

I want the tired to stop. I am sitting at my desk… tired… wanting to take a nap… Anyone asks me how I am doing… I answer "tired". My dad makes jokes about it.. but honestly, I just feel like I can't ever catch up on sleep. Something has to change…

I may tick some people off. I may have some agree with me… What this is an opinion and I as you are entitled to one:

What we need from our law makers is not more laws, or spending, or anything like that. We need sanity… law review, and a return to traditional values. Most importantly, we need to empower parents in the raising of their children. As a parent, I had a very healthy fear as my children grew older of the random nutjob calling CPS for me trying to discipline my children. I think, for the most part I did Ok. I had some big wins and some big fails… But that being said… It was always a thought in back of my mind…. Will someone see what I am doing and freak?

This ties the hands of parents… especially with "problem" children… Will there be abuse? Yes, and no law or CPS will stop it. Will a child feel picked on by their parents? Yes… I felt like I was.. but my mother was trying to make up for my father not really being a disciplinarian and then not being there… She did her best… And trust me… the woman never gave a thought to CPS when she grabbed the handiest thing to beat my butt with. I wasn't a bad kid… I was a lazy kid with a big mouth… (Not much has changed either). I really didn't get in trouble doing bad things… I got in trouble doing dumb things… or running my mouth… I was in 1 fight in school… Mr. Randy Johnson… Someone said I was "Talking about his Mama." which, looking back on it now was freaking funny, because I hardly knew the dude.. Never had a problem with him… I wonder what happened to him? Anyway… I digress..

"Parents" today are expected to deal with their kids, amid a barrage of influences outside the home…. All while, having God pulled out of school, being forced to drink this "everyone is special, everyone wins, don't hurt your feelings" kool-aid, violence and sex everywhere… and more and more people letting their children run wild… and parents wanting to just be friends… These are not your friends… these are spoiled brats with a "entitlement" mindset… They have no concept of working for your dinner.

We need to pull back on the "government knows best" reins… and give the power back to the parents. Not only that, hold parents accountable until their children are of age.

Empower the parents people… Support true morality… Support Prayer in schools… and expect more from our children. God gave you these gifts, and like any gift from God, they can be perverted and used for evil.

God bless parents that stand for their children… by standing in the way of their children making bad decisions.

So my wife has been losing a bunch of weight… So much so, that she honestly looks 10 years younger… I never noticed her being a larger woman… until she wasn't anymore. I loved her and found her sexy exactly the size she was… And now, as the weight is falling off of her… She just looks to be more amazing every time my eyes catch her.

I just edited this, where I took out the parts that would be TMI and things that would make the super sexy wife beat me. The most wild part of this is that I now have a new fettish I think…. and that is grabbing her belly skin. I can't keep my freaking hands off of it…

Ok… I get it… too much info… but something else changed this week… She got her hair cut. I love her in long hair… but whoever cut her hair did it in a way that honestly took another 5 years off…. She looks… glamourous… When I look at her… I swear my heart skips a beat and I just get all giggly. What the hell is up with that?

But it's still the same thing… the woman cannot take a compliment… and when she puts herself down or doesn't give a favorable reaction to my compliment… we sometimes fight about it because I get so pissed. My wife is amazing… God is making changes in her that I adore and love… My wife is so beautiful… her eyes when she looks at me are saphires… blue blazing saphires and her lips… just ache for me to kiss. She has a smile that is electrifying… and I just want to kiss her all the time.

So I am about to post this… and my wife is laying in bed next to me… I expect she is going to bean me for posting the whole fettish thing… but I don't care… I love my wife and I love what she is doing… I think she looks amazing and I love the way she looks at me.

With my wife, its been a dramatic shift in her weight. Shift for the better. I am not going into the hows or whys… just that it is what it is. The other day.. I was laying in bed with her and she held up her arm to hold my hand and I noticed that her arm was much thinner. I first notice my weight loss in my arms, so seeing this in my wife made it more real for me.

That being said… I have always thought that my wife was beautiful and sexy… because she was. She never believed me… and still doesnt. But this weight loss makes her look 15 to 20 years younger. Looking at the pictures of her… she looks younger now than when I met her. This is not the same woman… but it is… and I am so amazed in her changes but fortunately, the old heavier her, in her pictures still takes my breath away.

That means only one thing. God meant for us to be together heavy or thin… she is more beautiful each time I look at her. This woman who can in an instant, drive me insane, can make me happier than I have ever been.

She is my partner, best friend, lover, wife, mother of my brood, and soul mate.