Take it off: Week 15

I was a ball of anxiety last week. Right around Tuesday, I was hit with the supposed reality of some responsibilities I have on my plate right now. I say ‘supposed realities’ because they are not as huge as my brain makes them out to be. But I was suddenly freaking out about going to BlogHer’11 and representing Medifast.

I’m completely clueless about these conferences. How do I present myself? What should I wear? What do I bring with me? Oh my god, I’m going to be away from Christian and Izzy for four whole days! What if I freak out between now and then and eat a dozen donuts every day for eight weeks and show up at BlogHer’11 with bear claw crumbs on my shoulder and an extra 50lbs on my frame?

Now there is no way in hell that is happening but these are the types of thoughts I’ve had this week. I also made the mistake of putting a deadline on some of my goals. I said to a few people that I would like to be at 180lbs by the time I get to BlogHer in August. And that I would like to be at goal (140lbs) by the end of September. Now these things are not impossible but putting deadlines on things activates the spastic part of my brain. It’s right up there with tracking points.

I started to freak out and I was totally peaking into a giant bag of Ruffles by Tuesday night. I think I might have even licked the corner of the bag. HEY! DON’T JUDGE ME! It’s not like I pulled a Costanza and was eating something out of the trash.

Then Christian decided that he wanted to go to a water park on Father’s Day. I was super excited. This meant a night away from home in the Poconos. I love road trips so I was practically in the car and ready to go before he could finish his sentence. Then it dawned on me…I will have to wear a bathing suit. I’ll be honest with you, I am not totally comfortable in a bathing suit but I’m okay with it. I mean, there are people far larger than me that wear bikinis! If they can do it, I can wear a cute one piece or a tankini. My problem though is that I have this giant scar and chunk missing from my thigh because of a dog bite. The ‘dent’ is about the size of a fist. Seriously I am more self conscious about that than I am the gallons of cellulite on my body.

God…I have to wear a bathing suit. Is there cake mix in the pantry?

I’m so proud to tell you that I didn’t succumb to any stress eating but it was crazy hard. I knew I had to change course or this would become a huge spiral. First, I got my ass out of the kitchen. Then I decided to forget about my deadlines and let the cards fall where they may. All I can do is do my best to exercise, stay on plan and make healthy choices. After that, I got busy doing anything that didn’t involve food or thinking about food. In fact, I stopped thinking about my task list too. I did some laundry, I played with Izzy, I worked on some projects that required no obligations to anyone.

Do you know what happened? I began to relax, the feeling dissipated and the next day I was able to jump back into things without feeling so freaked out. However, it reminded me that I am very much a stress eater and need to keep this in check. I need to stay aware of it so that I don’t fall back into old habits and try to satiate my emotions with food.

So what causes stress/emotional eating? Well, it’s obviously compulsive behavior – but it’s not as simple as mentally slapping your hand and telling yourself ‘no.’ Emotional eating does have roots in your body chemistry and in a way is a defense mechanism for your body. When you experience stress (emotions such as sadness, anger, anxiety) your body releases cortisol. Cortisol can do some good things for your body – but when it comes to stress, it can deplete certain vitamins, minerals and neurotransmitters in your body.

Your body has to do something to counteract the bad stuff, right?

So you are all stressed out and about to throw down on a buffet because cortisol makes you crave carbs, all that bad stuff like chocolate, pizza, chips, cake. Ingesting carbs will cause your brain to raise serotonin levels in your body. Serotonin is pretty cool stuff. It can make you feel really awesome. Its the stuff that makes you happy, it helps you sleep, it aides in regulating your moods and your metabolism. The bad part? It’s totally addictive and there’s not a lot to be done except learn some self control and coping methods. Oh man are you gonna feel awesome after half a pizza….until you realize what you’ve actually done to yourself. Then you are going to be stressed out and sad about what you ate. Enter Ben & Jerry. Yaaaaay! Soooooo happy! CRAP! Now I feel like shit again. And around and around we go.

Now what? You can’t just keep shoveling in the carbs. So what are you going to do the next time you get stressed out?

Well, if the issue is totally out of control, you could consider joining Overeater’s Anonymous. Honestly, this is something I’ve considered doing myself. Right now, I am ok, I am maintaining my will power and I feel like I am building up my ‘food muscles’ in my home gym. But for my long term success, I may join OA. Emotional support is key for success when it comes to weight loss. Some people can’t get it at home, I am fortunate that I do. But it’s nice to know that I have another place to exercise my muscles if I need it.

If you aren’t quite at the OA level, just find someone that supports your efforts and talk it out.

Do some deep breathing. Maybe some yoga or a walk around the block. But breathe deep and tell yourself it will all be ok…eventually.

Laugh. Come here and laugh at me if you want. Find me on twitter, I’ll tell you a joke!

Exercise. I know, bullshit, right? But seriously, not only are you going to feel better but you are helping yourself meet the weight loss goals you have in mind for yourself. Which leads me to the next point…

Be kind to yourself. Look at all the awesome things you’ve done in your life. Can’t think of any? Find the closest friend and swallow your pride and let them know you need some pumping up. That’s what friends are there for. Or find me on twitter and not only will I tell you a joke but I will tell you how cute you are and how pretty your hair smells.

As for me, I’ve set aside my goals that have deadlines. The bathing suit issue? Well, I am going to get my pale, chubby butt up on a slide and enjoy the crap out of that water park with my family! And if anyone stares at my leg, I’ve got an awesome shark bite story all ready to go. It will make you feel bad for the shark.

You’re still here?

What? Oh, that’s right! You want to know how much I lost this week. I am down another 2lbs! I am now 8lbs away from One-derland!!!! I’m not setting a deadline or anything – but it would be nice to hit it by the end of June. 😉

If you’re interested in trying Medifast, I have a great deal for you! Use the code TURNIP50 to get $50 off an order of $275.

*FTC Disclosure: Medifast provides their products for my personal use for free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products. All thoughts written here are mine. I love complaining so I would tell you if I didn’t like something in the program.