“So…how are you?” Spike was silent after Xander’s question, giving him a
long, steady look. The women talked and laughed in the kitchen as Dawn
finished fixing dinner, leaving the men on their own in the living room.

“Look, if we’re just going to talk in bleedin’ circles, let’s not even
start.” He saw that Xander was surprised at his outburst. “We both know
that the situation is far from comfortable, but we don’t have to make it
worse with these stilted conversations we keep having. Maybe things would
get back to normal if we started acting bloody normal!”

“Sure, man; whatever you say.” Spike sighed in frustration, tipping his
head back to look at the ceiling.

“See, that is not normal. Even before…everything, you never acted
like that. You insulted and joked, but you never just gave in to whatever
I said. You’d have probably killed yourself before agreeing with me.”
Xander smiled slightly. “You don’t have to act like I walk on water;
that’s not gonna make things all better.”

“So you’d prefer I call you a jerk and argue with everything you say?”
Spike glanced at him.

“Yeah, I think that would be bloody spectacular. At the very least it’d
liven things up a bit.” Xander leaned back and nodded, reaching to flip on
the television.

“Jerk.”

“Wanker.”

“Jackass.”

“See?
This is much better.”

“Oh, my
God,” Anya whispered as she boosted herself up to sit on the counter.
“They’re actually talking! I think I just saw Spike smile.”
Dawn looked up and grinned.

“It’s
about time. I hope this means they’ll start working things out cause I
can’t take much more of the tension.”

“I
know. Xander keeps asking me what he should do; like some grand gesture is
just gonna make it all go away.”

“What
about you? How are you doing?” Anya picked at a loose thread at the hem of
her shirt before wiping a weary hand across her face. She shrugged.

“I
don’t know. Things are still pretty rough.” She leaned back against the
cupboard. “I still have the dreams. They stopped for awhile, but a couple
nights ago I went out- I forced myself to go out to the car by
myself. Xander needed something. I was so proud of myself; I haven’t been
able to go out alone since…well, you know. Then a car backfired down the
street.” Anya shook her head and Dawn saw that her eyes were watery.
“Suddenly I couldn’t move, and it was happening again.”

“What
was happening?”

“The
cutting and the- Drusilla and- all the pain. I was there again and it was
so real.” She closed her eyes in misery and whispered, “I feel like I’m
going crazy, Dawn. Do you think I’m going crazy?”

“Oh,
sweetie!” Dawn took Anya’s hand. “You’re not crazy. You went through
something horrible; this is how your mind is dealing with it. It sucks,
but it’s all part of the process. Did you tell the therapist?” Anya looked
down at the floor, unable to meet Dawn’s eyes.

“No.
Not yet, but I will.” She glanced up and saw Dawn looking at her
skeptically. “I promise.”

“Since
when have you had a problem talking about sex in front of strangers?”

“I
know,” Anya laughed. “Giles’s sense of propriety must be rubbing off on
me, right?”

“Yeah,
like that’ll ever happen!” Anya giggled, but Dawn could tell she really
needed to talk about what was bothering her. “So…what kind of sex stuff?”

“Xander
and I haven’t, you know, made with the lovin’ in quite some time.”

“Really? Because of…”

“Yeah.
I want to. I try to, but then when we…start, I feel…I don’t know, dirty.
But Xander has been so sweet about everything.” She paused, looking sad.
“And I’ve just been such a bitch lately. I get irritated over every little
thing and I snap at him. Alot. And I’m jumpy.” She tipped her head back,
closing her eyes tightly. “It just…never stops, you know. Sometime it’s
hard to make myself get up in the morning. I just keep wondering – when is
it going to end? When will I finally be over this?”

“I wish
I could give you some simple answer, but I’d be lying if I said getting
over something like this is easy. It’s going to take a lot of work and
time, and only you can make the effort. But I’ll tell you one thing;
talking to me, talking to Xander or the therapist or all of us, that’s a
good thing. It means you’re not shutting yourself off and it means you’re
trying to heal.” Dawn put her arms around her friend. “You’ll get there,
and I’ll be here for you whenever you need me.”

“I’m so
glad we stayed out here. I don’t know how I’d get through this without
you.”

“Well,
that’s what best friends are for, right? You were there for me through all
my crap; I’m glad to do whatever I can to help you.” They were quiet for a
while as Dawn finished making supper. Anya watched her thoughtfully, glad
that she had such a great friend.

* *
* *

“Things
went well tonight, don’t you think?” Dawn asked as she curled up on
Spike’s lap later that night.

“I have
to say it wasn’t completely awful.” He pushed her hair aside and gently
kissed her neck. She smiled slightly as she snuggled closer then said
sadly,

“Anya’s
not doing so well. I wish…”

“What?”

“I wish
I could’ve healed all of her, her body and her mind.”

“I
know, luv. I wish I could’ve prevented the whole sorry situation.”

“I
think about what it must have been like for her, for both of you, and I
just…” She broke off as she choked up and Spike stroked her back
comfortingly.

“It’ll
be okay, sweet. Anya’s a fighter; she’ll muddle through and come out of
this bloody mess even stronger.”

“You
really think so?”

“She’s
survived living with Harris all these years, hasn’t she?” Dawn laughed
into his neck, lightly punching his shoulder.

“Would
you be serious!” He pushed away slightly so he could look her in the eye.

“I was.
Anya is definitely a survivor, and she’s got an amazing friend; she’s
gonna get through this. You’ll see.” Dawn nodded and leaned back into the
comfort of his arms.

*
* *
*

Everything was hazy. It was hard to see, and there was pressure, something
holding him down. He looked around, but all he could see were formless
shadows. He could make out something in the distance, but his mind
couldn’t piece together what it was. He studied it, trying to make sense
of the images. Slowly he began to understand as everything sharpened and
slid into focus. All at once, he knew he was looking at Dawn,
but…something wasn’t right. She was looking at him, but her eyes were
empty. He lifted his head slightly and saw that she was lying in a pool of
blood. He tried to get up and go to her but he found he couldn’t. He
glanced up and realized someone was leaning over him; it was a woman and
she had her eyes closed. The woman moved on top of him causing spirals of
pleasure to radiate through his body and he realized he was naked. Her
eyes snapped open, meeting his gaze and she started to laugh, a harsh,
grating laugh that sent a shiver of foreboding down his spine. He moved to
push her away, but her hands pinned him to the ground and she began to
move on him again.

“No,
stop,” he tried to say, but the words seemed stuck in his throat. He
turned his head away and his gaze again fell on Dawn, her empty eyes
seeming to watch him and his betrayal. He reached his hand toward her, not
understanding why this was happening. The woman took his chin and turned
his face back to hers. Leaning down to look in his eyes she whispered,

“You
belong to me now.”

“NO!”
He sat up suddenly, confused. He jumped when a hand touched his shoulder.
Dawn looked at him in surprise, her eyes wide.

“Spike?
What’s wrong?” He looked at her for a moment before searching the room
with his gaze. His eyes met hers again and he shook his head wordlessly,
pulling her to him as tears threatened. He closed his eyes, his face
twisting into a mask of anguish. “Spike, seriously, you’re scaring me.
What’s wrong?”

“I…had
a bad dream,” he said, his voice hoarse.

“Must’ve been one hell of a dream. I’ve never seen you so worked up.” She
pulled back. “What was it; what happened in your dream?”

“I
don’t want to tell you.”

“Why
not?” He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Spike?”

“It
was…bad. I can’t…” He broke off.

“Sweetie, you’re shaking! Come here.” She pulled him close. “You don’t
have to talk about it. I’ve never seen you like this!” They lay there
holding each other, Dawn rubbing his back soothingly, but Spike was unable
to forget the nightmare. He lay staring blankly at the wall long after
Dawn drifted back to sleep, scared that somehow his dream was a prophecy
of things to come. His arms tightened desperately around her, his words a
harsh whisper in the quiet room,

“I love
you.” And silent tears streamed down his face.

*
* *
*

The
place was cheap and tawdry, a pay-by-the-hour type of place if he had to
guess. Exactly the kind of place she had always hated and yet the
kind of place he thought suited her best. Sorcha liked to play the part of
a lady. In reality, she was nothing but a whore, paying for the things she
wanted with the pleasures of her body. Lucius had been taken in once, but
his stupidity had cost him everything and he never made the same mistake
twice.

Sorcha
had told him once that he was the strangest vampire she’d ever known, and
she was right; he was different. He didn’t view humans merely as
food, although he did feed on them. He had good friends who were human,
and he’d been in several relationships with human women. He lived in their
world as one of them and was accepted in their lives and welcomed in their
homes. He didn’t usually feed on his friends preferring to kill strangers,
but many of his women had thought being with a vampire was an erotic
fantasy come to life and enjoyed letting him feed from them.

He
enjoyed his life and didn’t appreciate Sorcha barging back in, turning
everything on its ass, but he had contacted the others and they all
thought Sorcha’s story merited a hearing. He shook his head and chuckled
as he studied the place she had stayed at after he had kicked her out this
morning. She must be seething with anger over not getting her way with
him, but it had given him great joy to throw her out of his home. He
wished he could leave her here longer, but the others had already
convened; her presence was required. He knocked on the door, preparing
himself for her fury.

Sorcha
opened the door and found Lucius standing on her doorstep, smiling of all
things. Smug bastard! She knew he had enjoyed humbling her, making
her stay in this disgusting hovel. No one else had ever made her feel
cheap or unsure of herself and yet he managed it easily every time they
met. She hated him more than she’d ever hated anyone. That was probably
the reason she wanted him so badly. She grabbed his shirt and dragged him
into the room, slamming the door shut as she turned and shoved him onto
the bed. She was on him in an instant, ripping at his clothes, desperate
for the feel of him inside her. He willingly obliged her need, and she was
surprised that he gave in so easily; she had expected a fight. Lucius
moved quickly, turning her on her back and pressing into her so fiercely
it hurt. She writhed excitedly beneath him, reveling in the slide of his
flesh against her own. They bit and clawed at each other as they moved,
making pleasure and pain interchangeable. He bit the side of her breast
viciously as they rocked to a shattering climax, and she sunk her teeth
into his shoulder before letting out a scream of triumph.

The
feeling of triumph was fleeting, however, as he rolled off her immediately
and straightened his clothes. He flung a fifty at her and said coldly,

“I hope
that’s all I owe you; I didn’t bring much money with me.” She glanced at
the bill lying on the bed and then looked at him incomprehensibly for a
moment before his meaning became clear. Fury swept through her and she
flew at him, her nails clawing at his face. He shoved her away easily with
a laugh.

“Really
darling, I couldn’t possibly go again right now. Give a guy a little time
to recover.” He tucked in his shirt and headed for the door. “The others
are gathering for a meeting; they want to hear your story.” He looked at
her as she sat huddled forlornly on the bed. “I’ll wait outside while you
get dressed.” As he shut the door she hurled a lamp after him, watching in
satisfaction as it shattered and fell to the floor. She was filled with
blind hatred and she wondered why he didn’t want her the way she wanted
him.

Lucius
walked to the car, unsurprised that he had given in to his desire for her.
He supposed it was only normal; he enjoyed sex with human women, but he
never let completely loose with them unless he planned to kill them. With
Sorcha he could be the beast he was without worrying about hurting her. In
fact, he had found that pain made her even more responsive and wanton. He
could tell she thought she had won there at the end and he had enjoyed
degrading her. She was always so much fun to torment, and she always came
begging for more. She strode angrily from her room and stormed to the car,
her obvious anger making him smile. He would have her again when they got
to his house. Perhaps this time he would make her bleed.

Dawn
was worried about Spike. Ever since the nightmare he’d been unusually
quiet and tense. She wished he’d talk to her about it, but every time she
asked his eyes filled with fear and his face was so sad it made her heart
ache in sympathy. When they patrolled he was like a man possessed, driven
and intense. She didn’t know what had happened in his dream, but she got
the feeling he was trying to protect her from something. She wished he
wouldn’t worry so much; she would know if something bad was coming soon
and she hadn’t had even a twitch on her radar. She wondered if he was ill,
maybe some sort of sickness only vampires got? It sounded ridiculous, but
she’d learned that nothing was beyond the realm of possibility when it
came to the supernatural. She’d try again to talk to Spike; if he wasn’t a
little more forthcoming she’d call Giles. But she hoped that Spike would
trust her enough to tell her why he was suddenly acting as though the end
of the world was near.

Xander
woke up to Anya’s screams. He quickly woke her from her dream and then
held her as she cried. This had become almost a nightly ritual, the bad
dream and then the comforting, but he had never seen Anya so inconsolable
before. She tried to speak, but could get out nothing except harsh,
hiccupping sobs.

“Shh,
it’s okay. You don’t have to talk right now; you can tell me later. You’re
here in our house, and no one can hurt you.” He stroked her hair, trying
to calm and comfort her. She shook her head, pulling away from him.

“Dawn!”
she choked out, gasping for breath.

“You
want me to call Dawn?” he asked reaching for the phone. She shook her head
violently, knocking his hands from the phone.

“Something- bad,” she sobbed, thrashing around.

“Shh,
don’t. You’ll hurt yourself.” Xander tried to stop her flailing, but she
reared back and punched him. “Ow! An, what the hell?” She looked at him,
stricken and fell against him sobbing. He pulled her close and rubbed her
back. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I yelled. Please don’t… Please be alright.”

“Something bad- Dawn. She- hurt! Something- bad- Dawn!”

“Something hurt Dawn?” She nodded weakly, running out of energy. Xander
held her, wondering why she had dreamt of Dawn.

“Hafta
go see,” she demanded.

“We’ll
call in the morning.”

“No!”
she said, struggling away from him again. “Now! Call now!”

“Okay,
calm down. I’ll call, but it was just a dream. Dawn is fine.” Xander told
her as he dialed. The phone rang a few times before Spike answered. Xander
started to explain, but Anya reached out and grabbed the phone.

“Spike
is Dawn okay? Is she there; is she okay?”

Spike
was surprised at the desperation in Anya’s voice, and tried to calm her
down.

“Dawn
is fine, pet; she’s right here next to me. Why, what’s wrong?”

“I had
a bad dream. Well, that’s actually become almost normal to me, but this
one was different. Usually I dream about the…torture, but this one was
about Dawn. She was hurt…so badly.” She broke off on a sob. “I found
this…room, and when I went in she was just…lying there! She was broken and
bleeding and I couldn’t do anything. She just…died as I watched.” She
paused for a moment before whispering, “They were having sex right next to
her! Right next to her…body.” Spike froze in shock.

“Who
was?”

“I
couldn’t see their faces, but it was awful. Are you sure Dawn is alright?”
Spike didn’t say anything for a second, too stunned to speak. “Spike?
Spike!” Her panic penetrated the fog he was in and he forced himself to
speak,

“Yes,
yes I’m sure. She’s right here. Do you want to talk to her?” She said she
did so Spike passed off the phone and then left the room.

Dawn
watched him leave as she reassured Anya, wondering what had upset him.
When she got off the phone she sought him out and found him sitting in the
living room; he hadn’t even turned on the light.

“What’s
wrong?” He didn’t look at her as he responded.

“Did
she tell you about her dream?”

“Yes.”

“I had
that dream.”

“You
did?” He nodded. “That’s what got you so worried? But it was just a dream;
why-?”

“I was
the one having sex,” he said abruptly.

“Oh.”
He turned to look at her.

“‘Oh’?
That’s all you have to say? Aren’t you hurt and disgusted? Aren’t you
worried?” He tensed when she touched his arm.

“It’s a
little unsettling, but it was only a dream.” He tried to pull away, but
she wouldn’t let him.

“It
wasn’t just a dream; Anya had the same dream. That makes it something
more, don’t you see?”

“First
of all, Anya has a lot of bad dreams; just because this one sounds similar
to yours doesn’t mean it’s the exact same dream. Second, you would never
do that! It was a nightmare, not a vision. I know it must have been awful,
but that’s all it was; don’t put so much stock in it. What you saw will
never happen.” She pulled him to her and he held her close, praying
she was right, but in his mind he saw Dawn’s empty eyes and feared that it
was more than just a bad dream.