The condensed directions: Read the cue, react to the cue. There's no right answer, no research required. I cite sources where applicable but it's all about coming up with creative answers. Winners are picked in a week.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

They told me I should make sure my life became fat-free, organic, no gluten, no dairy, no street-drugs, including medicinal marijuana, no preservatives, no sodium, no carbs, no starch, no auto emissions, no red meats, non-frozen, no sugar, no cholesterol, no smoking, no alchohol, no Red Dye #2 or any other artificial colors or flavorings or sweeteners, no lactose, no high fructose syrup, no radon, no molds, no UV sun exposure, no long-range noise exposure, no asbestos, no mercury from fish, no flouridated water, no non-iodized salt, no freon, no hormone enhanced foods of any kind, no plastic bags, no DDT or pesticides, no vaccines, no trans-fats, no chemical-dumping, no saturated fats, no microwave cooking, no plastic packaging for foods, no floro-carbon sprays, no high-tension wires, and no acid rain.

So I did and look what happened!!

Winner:MellodeeReason: Great responses but I had to go with this one. I guess there really IS nothing left once you cut out the bad stuff.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Letters: Given either a first line or a set-up, write a letter appropriate to the situation.

Someone has stolen your lunch (leftover spaghetti) out of the work refrigerator. They didn't even bother to leave the bowl behind. Leave a note on the fridge to the spaghetti thief.

This happened at my work a few years ago. The employee that had his lunch stolen has since moved on but we will never forget the Spaghetti Incident.

We Have A Winner!!! 03/09/10

Dear Spaghetti Thief,
I thought I was cheap tossing Chef Boyardee spaghetti into my own bowl to make it look like I actually cooked last night, but you make me look like Julia Child's comparatively! I hope you feel proud of yourself of going to all the effort of to steal a 99 cent can of two year old spaghetti in a dollar store chipped bowl that probably is painted with more lead than paint. I thoroughly enjoyed my lunch that the fellow office workers treated me to out of sympathy, and it was so much better than what was in that bowl. Next week I am bringing in canned beef stew - it will be in an orange bowl if you would like to steal another meal!

Thank you,
Rebecca

P.S. Could you taste the new powdered laxative I added to the spaghetti? I have the worst IBS and am hoping it works, but you tried out my first test sample. Could you leave me a note with the results?

Source: AOL News. It's actually a very interesting story if you have a minute to read.

We Have A Winner!!! 03/01/10

I think the penguins found out about the theories that some scientist and others have about global warming, ice caps melting, and all that other stuff that would ruin their lives, so instead of waiting for their impending deaths, their committing suicide.

Winner:Silver Star (@silvrstar)Reason: Sometimes, if I listen to too many health "news" reports, I find myself feeling almost as disillusioned. Poor penguins, I feel their pain.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Source: Norway's Torger Nergaard (C) releases the shot as teammates Haavard Vad Petersson (L) and Christoffer Svae sweep during their men's round robin curling game against the United States at the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics February 16, 2010. REUTERS/Lyle Stafford (CANADA)

We Have A Winner!!! 03/01/10

Norway's Men's Curling Team - yet another victim of lost airline luggage.

Winner:MarcReason: An airline once lost my luggage. I walked around for a day looking sorta like that - but not at an International sporting event. Next time I see someone out in public in their pajama bottoms, I'm going to ask them if they're a member of the Norwegian curling team.

Friday, February 19, 2010

So I have this friend... She runs this blog that posts daily cues. Maybe you've heard of it? Despite a good number of daily visitors (even on the worst day) and over 80 followers, 4 of the last 7 days don't even have 5 participants each. She's tried giving away wildcard awards, she's tried giving out money. While traffic spiked, participation did not. She wants your honest feedback - what would you suggest?

We Have A Winner (sorta)!!! 02/26/10Winner: Me! And you! And the blog!Reason: Thank you all for your fantastic feedback. I'm putting some of your ideas into place immediately and some are going to take a bit more thinking. I've been feeling a bit burnt out, to be honest, and really want to up the participation levels to make it more fun for everyone involved. Look for details to come. And thanks for being loyal and awesome!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Letters: Given either a first line or a set-up, write a letter appropriate to the situation.

You have won an award. What is it for? What will you say at your acceptance speech?

We Have A Winner!!! 03/01/10

I'd like to sincerely thank the academy and our esteemed partners and friends present here tonight. I'd also like to thank Qdoba for sponsoring today's nacho bar lunch *waves to delivery man in the back of the room* and for bringing me, as this evening's honoree *bats eyelashes coyly* a pint of tortilla soup. I love that sh*t!

I am thrilled to be this year's recipient of the Most Outstanding Bed Head - Natural. I don't use any kind of styling product at all. This straight-standing mop is a product of a fine balance of tossing and turning. I feel blessed to have such bed head luck. I realize that others spend long hours and many dollars in a salon to get just this look *points vanna-style towards head.*

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Winter Olympics are underway! Write about a controversial event making its debut.

We Have A Winner!!! 02/26/10

While some don't understand this sport, the intensity of the training is often overlooked. It takes days, weeks, months, years of dedicated training. It means dedicating your entire lifestyle. It means missing out on the fun activities friends do. It means missing out on family vacations. It means not getting to know your neighbors.

Choosing this event means choosing sacrifice.

This year marks the first year that the Olympics will recognize the sport of couch potatoing.

Personally- I'm going for the Gold!

Winner:Eternal LizdomReason: Very well-argued. However, I think she'll have some strong competition for that gold medal. Especially among contenders from the USA!

Friday, February 12, 2010

So I have this friend... She's been "happily" married for some time but recently she keeps dreaming about an ex-boyfriend from high school. Other than a couple of emails over the years, she hasn't been in touch with him since graduation. Still, she dreams about him at least once a week and they aren't innocent, platonic dreams. How do you suggest she puts him out of her mind?

We Have A Winner!!! 02/20/10

I've been there. My morally superior sister said to sever the psychic connection, because she thought by dreaming of my ex I was cheating on my husband.

Instead, I wrote. A lot. In fact, I wrote a poem about one of the most frequently recurring dreams (called SYNESTHESIAN SAGE). I also wrote some pretty sweet sex scenes. Might as well use inner turmoil to further your creativity.

SYNESTHESIAN SAGE
Dreams never have music in them, do they?
The park bench dream fills my head though, fills my ears, fills my muscle and bone with sounds.
No music; just insect purr.
I'm barefoot walking one of the two clear hardpan tracks of the dirt road.

The park bench is black curved metal.
Ten feet from the road through tall grass there's the smooth bench warm in the sun.
No music; just raven wings.
Vibrations pulse, press, beat from life teeming in the sky in the trees in the grass in the ground.

Dreams carry smells (memory joggers) in them.
Sage is the smell is the sound of this dream, the sage I've crushed under my bare feet, the sage my feet swing over while I'm on the park bench in the sun, waiting.
It's the music.
Music carries the body - have you ever noticed? - draws the breath, holds the breath, makes the heart beat in cacophonous riotous totally irreverent rythyms, changes your mood.

He sits by me; the birds sound louder.
His hand in mine is a sliding fingertip stroke on steel guitar strings, but he says nothing.
The air is deafening.
We couldn't talk if we wanted to over the din and the sage.

Winner:Coppertop (Her blog is full of her writing - I got lost for awhile reading it. Check it out!)Reason: As much as I love music, I'd never noticed before that my dreams don't seem to have a traditional soundtrack. But those small details, the same that might sounds and smells that might remind you of someone (say, an ex?) always seem so much stronger.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Letters: Given either a first line or a set-up, write a letter appropriate to the situation.

Slip a note under your neighbor's door complaining about the noise.

We Have A Winner!!! 02/20/10

Dearest Neighbor,

You know you're loud. You know you're annoying. And I know what I know. What is that you ask? I have friends in all the "right" places. Friends who will help me "hide the body". Don't even think of using this note as blackmail, it's untraceable.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

This Saturday, there will be an epic battle between penguins and chickens.

Which group will claim victory and why?

We Have A Winner!!! 02/17/10

The penguins won, of course, because everyone know that knows that no amount of BBQ sauce can mask the fact that penguin tastes like charbroiled ass. The chickens, however, were quite lovely with a little K.C. Masterpiece or a touch of honey mustard dipping sauce and were quickly devoured by their black and whited foes.

Winner:Rabbit (@redheaddancing) Reason: The clear winners of this post are the penguins. Not a single vote for chickens? But Rabbit wins because his post made me hungry. So many great responses to this one though - I really enjoyed reading them!

I have paid my big brother all of my allowance to help me compose this letter, so you know things are serious. I have tried everything in my power, but I have failed. I desperately want a Cabbage Patch Doll, but all my parents will buy me are cheap knock offs from the discount store. I don't care if they are half the price of a real Cabbage Patch Doll, they are faulty. Instead of a signature on their butt cheek it just says Made In China. Their hair is not yarn but unravelled rope. Worse of all, they do not have bellybuttons!! In exchange for a real Cabbage Patch Doll I will leave you my lucky rabbits foot. It worked well in the past when I asked for a raise in my allowance, when I got an A on my spelling test, and when I wished for a snow day. The only time it has failed was for the rabbit.
Thank you for your help with this serious matter.
Susie

Winner:Bethany (@Auburnrose)Reason: I enjoyed her plea for a Cabbage Patch Doll. I can remember my mother buying me a cheap replica. Devastating.

Monday, February 8, 2010

You are opening a new store that sells only one item. Tell the interviewer what that one item is and why so they can write an article for the newspaper.

We Have A Winner!!! 02/17/10

My store sells memories of loved ones that are no longer with us. It's a magical store where people can not only relive special times with special people, but also say the things they never said, but should have.

Winner:Mike TrippiediReason: I'd sign up for a franchise. I can't think of anything more precious.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Take Two: Given a second chance, how would this be different? Rewrite the ending to a book, movie, scene, fable, quote, etc.

At the end of Cinderella, the prince slips the glass slipper onto her foot and they live happily ever after.

Or not - write your own ending to the classic story.

We Have A Winner!!! 02/20/10

Oh sure,
At first it was marital bliss.
And I'll admit,
There was more than just one tender kiss.
But things,
Well they began to fall apart
When my prince
Said something that broke my poor heart.
He said,
"Your step sisters sure are fine!"
So I just
Stuck that slipper where the sun don't shine.

Winner:MarcReason: Such a "man" way to behave. And written by a man. Even better for making me laugh. And in rhyme? Marc may just be a Prince Charming himself!

Friday, February 5, 2010

So I have this friend... Roy has a great working relationship with his coworkers, especially his boss. The problem is that his boss keeps trying to set Roy up with his daughter. The boss's daughter is twenty years younger than Roy and he's certain it could only end in disaster. How does he tell the boss to stop the match-making?

02/20: As of this date, there were only two responses to this cue so no winner will be named. Thanks to Beth and Angel for responding.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Letters: Given either a first line or a set-up, write a letter appropriate to the situation.

Leave a note for your parents, explaining that dent in the side of the car.We Have A Winner!!! 02/15/10

Mom & Dad,

I'm sure that by the time you find this note Dad will have noticed the dent in the driver's side door. Before I explain what happened please know that I'm truly sorry and that I'll find a way to pay for the repairs.

Go ahead and laugh, Dad - I know you are. But I'll get another job and I'll pay. You'll see.

Anyway. You know how I told you guys that Mike and I were going to the movies last night? We actually went to a house party.

I had more to drink than I should have but I figured I could still drive home. I know, stupid right? After all those TV commercials and all those news stories, I still haven't learned.

Anyway, when I was heading for the car Mike noticed I wasn't walking too straight. He said he didn't think I should drive and I got pretty mad at him.

We said some things to each other that are best not repeated and I turned to get in the car. But Mike tackled me from behind and we smashed into the door, leaving that nasty dent you saw.

While we were wrestling on the ground a few other kids from the party came out to help him and got the keys out of my hand. When they finally calmed me down Mike found someone sober enough to drive us home.

I'm really sorry. I'd like to say that was the first time I tried to drive after having a few drinks but it's not. I think I need help but I don't know what to do.

Please help me.

Jason

Winner:MarcReason: I thought this entry was very touching. Great job, Marc.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Wildcard: This category can be absolutely anything. Absolutely. Anything.

You are in charge of creating a new award show. What industry or group will you choose and why?

We Have A Winner!!! 02/15/10

It is about time that we introduce the "I sure ain't in it for the money" awards - to be nicknamed the Brokes. These would be handed out to the very best in the career fields that are horribly underpaid but that do tremendous service for us every day - fire fighters, police officers, teachers, etc.

Winner:Bethany (@Auburnrose) Reason: It's about time some of those folks receive recognition on a very regular basis.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Checklist: A list of words will be accompanied by a scenario in which to use them.

tutor, fourth, equate, regrettably

Tell us about your weekend.

By the way - Beth and Inspired Dreamer are BOTH just one win away from having all seven. And they both are missing Day Two! Don't go easy on them!

We Have A Winner! 02/09/10

"We should have stopped when we had our fourth", I regrettably told my wife on Saturday. In school, they don't teach you how to deal with large families. You don't get a tutor to tell you when you stop when you're ahead. The constant noise, smell and mess my living room has become does nothing but equate a hole in my wall. Not to mention a boxing fracture on my dominant hand. My wife has been crying all day. She said that I am mean and hurt her and the children. All because I can't control my anger.

Who the heck calls cats "their children" anyways?

Winner:EricReason: In addition to including all words in the prescribed scenario, he included a bit of a twist at the end. I do SO love a twist!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Congratulations to Ryan Ashley Scott! The girl with three names and I never know what to call her so I usually go with RAS. And then I think about raspberries. Not the fruit, the plllllllllllllllbt kind. She also has some sort of magical powers over random.org. So drop me an email with the email address you want the $20 Amazon gift certificate sent to and I'll make it happen!

Stay tuned for more giveaways in the future. The next will probably be based on participation so get in the habit now!

You know the old joke, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" I know one chicken that was going to find out the reason once and for all! He slowly stepped onto the street and was almost hit by a car. Every time he would try to run across the street, some vehicle would try to take him out! He's was so frustrated, he gave up. As he was walking back home, he did find a cross walk, so he decided to give that a try. Apparently, he didn't see where the sign said "Don't Walk" so once again, cars tried to take him out. He gave up, he was NEVER going to make it across the street, so back home he continued. When he arrived home, his neighbors confronted him, "You have so much to live for!" they cried out. He explained that all he was trying to do was find out why the chicken crossed the road. When he finally walked inside, he had left the tv on CNN and they were reporting some chicken was playing chicken with other cars on a busy street. To this day, no one believes him when he tells people that he doesn't know why the chicken crossed the road.

Winner:Silver Star (@silvrstar)Reason: It's always the simple things that are over-dramatized in the news.