American Idol Recap: Auditions 5 and 6

Are these auditions still going on? How many people who think they can sing can there possibly be left in the world? There’s already been 8 hours. I’m too tired for more but here comes 3 more hours!

So, there’s this guy cradling a baby. And then I guess he trades the baby in for a guitar, because she’s gone and the guitar is here. Salt Lake City: the city where you can sell your baby for a guitar. Or maybe he’s in Omaha. I don’t know; they don’t actually show his audition until the end of Thursday night’s episode.

If one more person auditions with “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons, I’m just gonna flip my coffee table. This reminds me of how I went to auditions with a friend for season 4 and everybody was auditioning with “Freedom”, and I had to sit there after being awake all night and listen to every other person practicing that damn song right in my ear.

There’s a lot of people this season auditioning with original songs. This used to be frowned upon, but I think that was more of a Simon “We-Want-To-Control-Everything-You-Do” Cowell thing. Most of these people are really good. There’s at least one original song that I already want to be able to download and burn to a CD. There’s at least two boys I’m in love with, a bunch of girls whose names I don’t remember, and several more that I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there. I don’t know why I’m so sexist. This show really brings it out of me.

The only really notable part this week is old clips of the judges.

Adorable!

There’s not much else to say. After 10 hours of auditions, it’s all blurred together into a puddle of goop. Good people here, bad people there, great people over there, and people who are just okay over here. Nothing all that funny, except that Ryan gets lost driving the judges all to the studio. I’m glad he drives himself around and doesn’t have a driver. What’s not to love about this guy?

So, according to Ryan, this is the last of the auditions. WHOOOO!! 212 total contestants have gone through to Hollywood. Starting next week, I’ll actually recap properly because there will actually be things to recap. It looks pretty intense. See ya then!

Patti Matteucci plays in an imaginary band in Illinois where she rocks the mic like a vandal while simultaneously cooking MCs like a pound of bacon. She is into most nerdy things but doesn’t excel enough in any to be labeled a nerd. One of her top skillz is scouring the internet for recipes, printing out a big pile, and then throwing them away before ever trying them when she remembers that you can have food made and delivered to your front door by somebody else. She is a 14 year old trapped inside a 33 year old’s body (or maybe also a 14 year old’s body) with an unabashed love for Justin Bieber and far too much time spent marrying celebrities in Sims 3.

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