Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)?
This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Tweets the Best of TImes, Tweets the Worse of Times: Dickens was a noncommittal politician

Tweets
15h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I find it hard to follow the recommendations of people who previously advised me twice to vote for George W. Bush.
Expand
20h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #INeverForget ummm, something to do about #LSU
Expand
22h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Eat Drink Cake Woman #ReplaceFilmTitleWithCake
Expand
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ILoveMyFriendsBecause #ParanormalActivity has given me #Romnesia so I forgot how mean they were to me on #SpiritDay
Expand
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@dmspeech Thanks for the retweet. Don't repeat the retweet or people will think you have #Romnesia
Expand
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@leosoup I was going to thank you for the retweet but I forgot to due to my #Romnesia
Expand
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you believe Detroit can't be bankrupt because they made it to the World Series, you have #Romnesia
Expand
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you were brainwashed in Vietnam, you have George #Romnesia
Expand
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you forget where you placed your #bindersofwomen you have #Romnesia
Expand
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you forget if you support pay equity, you have #Romnesia.
Expand
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
RIP Big Tex, age 60, always happy, died in a fire.
Expand
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes #Romnesia is also when a Romanian forgets how to sneeze.
View conversation
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten I asked "what is one plus one?" and learned it is a movie. My first teacher lied to me.
View conversation
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Scrantonian recommends Coopers in Scranton. Where Bill and Hilary eat. Great seafood but doubt it was freshly caught in Scranton.
View conversation
19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten Forget the roo roo joke? punch line? No wonder people would want you fired, but before firing, first, a little roo roo.
View conversation
18 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #BoringHorrorMovies would include the #PresidentialDebates
Expand
18 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Big meal: Passage to India in Harrisburg, Fun: Stroubs in Hershey, finish at Old Forge Brewery. Fictional Coach Taylor OKs this.
View conversation
18 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Hos can flex time help the women who are all stuck together in the same binder?
Expand
17 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Does it mean anything that #Obama2012 is trending and no hashtag about Romney is trending?
Expand
17 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I thought binders full of women was what that 50 Shades guy was doing. #bindersfullofwomen
Expand
16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Enjoy your pumpkin spice latte. But will either of the candidates even deal with the impending pumpkin shortage?
View conversation
16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Earthquake barely felt by anyone: Quick, run for your lives. Cancel the Presidential debates.
Expand
16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Honey Boo endorses Obama. Sure, but will she debate Romney supporter Lindsay Lohan?
Expand
16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Go ahead, Mitt, we Pennsylvanians are holding the football. Coach Taylor is here with us now. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.
View conversation
16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Wait, I am a sarcastic middle class dude on Twitter. Which probably explains why I have no followers.
View conversation
15 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #GirlsLikeItWhenYou are stupid enough to find #WaysToGetShot
Expand
15 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The American Family Assoccation believes that Mix It Up Day promotes homosexuality, Oh, wait, I get it, the AFA was just mixing things up.
Expand
15 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yankees are inspired to win it for Derek. i never knew Derek and the Dominos were a baseball inspiration.
Expand
14 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am glad how everyone has agreed not to engage in any Presidential political campaigning until after the World Series.
Expand
13 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #IdealBoyfriend for many women would be a pair of #Gucci. Just what most men suspected all along.
Expand
13 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Anyone else think Strasberg should have played in the post season? I know, wild idea. Just wondering if any else thought of it.
Expand
13 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Well, I am going braless on "NationalNoBraDay
Expand
13 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I don't understand people in DC. They complain about too many gnats and now they complain that the gnats were eliminated yesterday.
Expand
12 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lindsay Lohan endorses Romney because she really likes leaders who never drink alcohol.
Expand
12 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Whitney, you would just die if you knew what your children are up to.
Expand
12 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I believe Alexander Rodriguez lost last night's Vice Presidential debates. He struck out at the opponents but swung and missed.
Expand
12 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten I will accept that the Bible was created to enforce the divine rights of rulers regardless of who wins this thing,
View conversation
11 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If Romney is elected, Paul Ryan and Schwarzenegger will allot office space according to body building contests.
Expand
11 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
There can be no real Presidential debates until they include candidate Roseanne Barr.
Expand
6 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Instead of egging your home, may we throw sanitarily wrapped packages of bacon?
View conversation
5 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
After careful consideration after watching the debates, I am leaning towards voting for Jim Lehrer. At least he had the sense to sit.
Expand
4 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #10PeopleIReallyLove include #BigBig #Obama #Romney and #JerseyShore. I need professional help.
Expand
3 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Even though Mitt Romney loves Big Bird, he still won't allow himself to marry Big Bird.
Expand
3 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I thought I was watcing the Presidential debates. Turns out it was Honey Boo arguing with her mother. How was I to know the difference?
Expand
2 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Prreparing for Presidential debates. Hope no one quetions me on any domestic policy issues. Am I running this year?
Expand
1 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Went to Horror Nights. Chased by guys with chain saws. Then finally made it from my parking spot to the Horror Nights,
Expand
1 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What is worse: Someone hacks a comic's Twitter account, or that the hacker is funnier than the original comic?
Expand
28 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending includes #UnansweredCartoonQuestions includes how #TommyThompson was signed to play in the #WNBA
Expand
28 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Life's stabilities: Charlie Brown will never kick a football, Teddy will never win, Mitt will never release those tax returns.
View conversation
28 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #UnansweredCartoonQuestions is how much to allocate for food for Garfield in #Budget2013
Expand
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: Way #BackInMiddlesSchool there was the ancient thing called #MySpace
Expand
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
New best selling textbook: 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy.
Expand
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Netanyahu bombed at the United Nations---literally.
Expand
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Good first date question: Do you use beer as an eye wash?
Expand
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dear young generation: Drinks go in your mouth. Period. Not your butt, not your eyes. Go back to kindergarten if you have not learned this.
Expand
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I think @geneweingarten 's new book is the greatest achievement in human history, and I'm totally indifferent to whether Gene RTs this.
Expand
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes But what if the people who robbed the Maple Syrup Reserve steal the Bacon Reserve?
View conversation
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Where do I stand if I get a neck tattoo of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan?
View conversation
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Romney's gaffe was saying he doesn't care about the 47%. He needs to care about all, even those in prison, homeless, and network programmers
Expand
27 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #FavoriteLinesInClass include the one about #TheLord is an #Android
Expand
26 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My "The Sixth Dimension" may be too controversial. Amazon may block it, Order a copy while you still can.
Expand
26 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Have you ever tried bacon wrapped in bacon? Just do not waste it taping it to your cat (please see my profile photo)..
View conversation
26 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Playing Bob Dylan's "Hurricane" is dangerous in a politio environment. Someone asked when Dylan wrote a song about "Hermain Caine".
View conversation
26 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@Mrsmagik After years of your being my most "similar to" on Twitter, you no longer are. I am sad to state we have drifted apart. Sorry.
Expand
26 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@AntoniaKat Hey, Twitter says you are most like me. I don;t know; you don't look one bit like me.
Expand
25 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Oh no, Tracy Morgan has passed out.. #ProscrasticatingEmmyWatcher
Expand
24 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TerryYates1 Thanks for following me. Feel fine to borrow any of jokes, but only if you wish to end your career.
Expand
24 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Wait, what was that you said about there being no Santa Clause?
View conversation
24 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Worst job in America: Director of the Sierra Bianca NORML Chapter.
Expand
24 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes In some minds, we could not only open airplane windows during flights but walk on the wings and smoke cigarettes. Why not?
View conversation
24 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wait, I don't tweet for several days, and I gained followers. Then I lose followers when I tweet? This is not good.
Expand
20 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Met Maury Povtch. He states he can tell just by looking at me that I am not the father, nor that anyone will ever let me be a father....
Expand
20 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Fiona Apple arrested for having hash? SInce when it is against the law to have corned beef hash?
Expand
20 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My uncle's act of sleeping on a bed of nails with people standing on him worked until he reached Hollywood. He was done in by an earthquake.
Expand
19 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Jesus had a wife. Her name was Mrs. Jesus.
Expand
19 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #DescribeYourCrushInOneWord namely #Univision
Expand
19 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Is the Pope Catholic? Do bears crap in the woods? Does Lindsay Lohan get arrested?
Expand
18 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Todd Akin's wife says attempts by GOP to replace her husband are like rape. Well, at least we know he won't then get pregnant.
Expand
18 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My condolences to friends and family of Morgan Freeman upon the erroneous announcement of his death. #RIPMorganFreeman
Expand
17 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now filming: The Three Crazy Amigos, starring Nicolas Cage, Clint Eastwood, and a Chair.
Expand
16 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Love those Linda McMahon ads on New York One. Does anyone in CT watch New York One? Does anyone in New York?
Expand
15 Sep geneweingarten ‏@geneweingarten
People who desperately try to build their follower base are pathetic, like Obama/Romney. (Choose one, then RT and #FF please!)
Retweeted by Leon Tchaikovsky
Expand
16 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes You know I do the opposite of what you request. So, what is the back story to the photo?
View conversation
12 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@Really_Hunter You would be surprised how much demand "disgraced" lawyers get from disgraced clients. If he keeps his license, he'll be fine
View conversation
11 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: Heavens to #Hercules and Bless My #Netanyahu are /#WordsISayWhenImMad
Expand
11 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten A storm instantaneously emerged from North Carolina. That's not so hard to say.
View conversation
11 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@Really_Hunter I appreciate your honesty. Would John Edwards earn more as President or as an attorney? Maybe First Lady is not your thing.
View conversation
11 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Someday Rielle Hunter could be Mrs. John Edwards, First Lady of the United States.
Expand
10 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Wait, Harvard students cheated in their "Intro to Congress"class? Are you sure they weren't just applying what they learned?
View conversation
10 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Etch a sketch time: Romney decides he likes parts of Obamacare after all.
Expand
10 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mitt Romney is really Willard Romney. No one named for a horror film has ever been elected President, so he goes by Mitt instead.
Expand
10 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Joe Biden was literally born to be wild.
View conversation
10 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix With climate change, we're now seeing heavy metal hurricanes.
View conversation
10 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@JudyTenuta Imagine my error. I just learned that the correct term for overweight foreign women is NOT Wales Americans.
View conversation
7 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Don't give up on love. Have "Hope".
View conversation
7 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I fell asleep last night. Who did the Democrats wind up nominating for President last night?
Expand
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Should I literally take Joe Biden at his word?
Expand
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What are the odds Obama announces he has decided to decline renomination?
Expand
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
More people learned about current events from watching Honey Boo Boo than from watching Bill Clinton.
Expand
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Just checking that #iloveyouyourethebest was not meant for Rush Limbaugh
View conversation
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes I am sure you are human and have tears. Although we suspect you someday will merge assets rather than marry.
View conversation
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Cowboys won. Was there anything else on TV last night?
Expand
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes "All I got were these lousy Twitter followers"? Well, we appreciate knowing what you really think of us.
View conversation
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Clinton says Obama had the good sense to marry Michelle. Michelle, if things don't work out, you can always call Bill.
Collapse Reply Delete Favorite
5:48 AM - 6 Sep 12 · Details
Tweet textImage will appear as a link
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Four more years!" Oh, you meant for Obama. I thought they were cheering to bring back Bill Clinton.
Expand
6 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes You know you've reached the mid-point of a Bill Clinton speech when he states "In conclusion". Actual fact from past,
View conversation
5 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Current score: New York Giants 3, Democratic National Convention 0 @TheFix
Expand
5 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My friends are always by my side whenever they need me.
Expand
5 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Oogiieloves take over DNC. Butterflies for when mentioning Obama all stand up. Turtles for when mentioning Romney: all sit down.
Expand
5 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes For the record, if you are ever in Cleveland and think you see a whale, it is not a whale.
View conversation
5 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Actually, Swiss bank accounts is where bridge building money wound up....
Expand
5 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If Republicans were in charge of Easter, they would make children pay for each egg they find.
Expand
4 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Why isn't former Rep. James Trafficant among tonight's speakers? #DNC2012
Expand
4 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wait: So those Scientologists selling things on the street are being punished? But they all look so happy.
Expand
4 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What newly paranoid right wingers think the United Nations will invade us with: #LittleBlackSubmarines
Expand
4 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Obama leads in 10 swing states, though lead is under 3% in 4 of them, Romney leads in 1 swing state by less than 2%, and Florida is even.
Expand
4 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@chaneyj I demand you see the Oogielloves and blog about their...umm...concert?...baseball playing?....weird sex club?
View conversation
4 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Wait, pumpkin spice lattes have returned?
View conversation
4 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Sen. Schumer states there will be 15 to 20 Koch brothers in 2020. Wow. I wonder what Mrs. Koch thinks of these plans.
Expand
3 Sep Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I once ran under three hours. Of course, it was a 50 yard dash. #TruthinLeon
Expand
Tweet textImage will appear as a link
Add location 140 Tweet