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Someone once asked me if I am ashamed to be Black.
I was created in Gods image, so why would I be ashamed of that?
In actual facts, Black is neither my color or my race.
I am a human being, who happens to have a brown face.
The face of that gorgeous place, where life was once created.
Were we always this feared and hated or was that emotion incubated?
I am the color of that dirt that God used to fashion us,
but all there ever see is black and thus resort to harrassin’ us.
Black is truly a mentality, a reality of how I am viewed.
A culture containing people, whom are multi-colored, toned and hued.
History has made it my identity with a certain character attached.
Just because my melanin is greater than yours,
you feel I am the bad one out of the batch.
Saint and sinner. Good and evil; all resides in our perception.
A devil comes in many colors; birthing lies and sweet deception.
How did we conceive this trite conception?
That one’s skin can be a sin while the other one denotes themselves
as being guaranteed to win?

I’ve realized that people don’t really want to fix all of their problems. They’d just like to forget about some of them for a couple of hours. We always talk about perfection, but as humans, do we really want to be perfect? I think not because once that perfection has been reached, where will we go then? It’s the act of chasing perfection that keeps us alive, giving us a thrill. The chase makes life interesting; like we’re on a mission. A mission that we really never want to complete.
We hate playing the game, but truthfully, we never want the game to end. This is why when things become too perfect at home, in our relationships or at work, we do something to sabotage that perfection. We start an argument, we cheat on our spouse, or we abruptly quit our job and start over.
In a sense, being perfect is boring. It gives us nothing to look forward to, nothing to chase. It is our imperfections, flaws and shortcomings that allows us to have a sense of purpose. I believe it is in that purpose that we can gain a glimpse of what we are looking for…perfection.

Welcome, New Year…
all filled with joy and cheer.
Blessed be, all whatever you believe.
What you sought in the season, will soon be received.
Every resolution made, becoming solid ties;
instead of false promises, excuses or lies.
Let us refrain from correcting others, lest we stand corrected.
Embrace love, leaving hatred and bias dejected.
Making all lives count, remember, black lives matter.
Do away with prejudice, racism shattered.
Come together as the human race;
judge all by character, not by the color of ones face.
Me personally, I pray to walk out from these obstructive doors;
so I may be able to live and travel like Dora the Explorer.
Last, I sue for perennial peace, praying that America will
leave and stay out of the Middle East.
Oh, and I pray our new President will start to act like he has some sense.
With that being said, let the New Year commence!

What happens when you lock a man in a cage with rage
flowing through his blood stream?
Doves cry, but have you ever heard a thug scream?
Silohuettes of a shadowless soul.
Hearts no longer beat, they’ve become calloused and cold.
Grab a hold of some narcotics and some counterfeit love.
Don’t judge…
Them lonely nights, you don’t know what it does.
But, above all else you try lovin’ yourself.
While nobody gives a damn about you; yelling for help.
Death is no longer an illusion, the intrusion is real.
This pain will soon or later heal.
That’s a delusion you feel, you turn your spirit into steel.
While emotions deflate, God won’t let you through those gates
with all that anger and hate.
So, quickly meditate and find that balance within.
That humble pie gets mixed in with some malice and sin.
But, then again, whats the use of even fighting the abuse?
That is when your grip gets loose and you call it a truce.
Doing everything you can not to hang yourself in a noose…

I can’t bear it anymore, I can’t… all the anger; all the crying.
All the despair, the hurt, the love… it all has me feeling like I am dyin’
I will not sit here and wonder if you ever loved me.
What I do know, is what I once felt for you, it was intense and deep.
Slowly I burn with frustration and hurt. Knowing I gave it my all
and it still didn’t work…
I needed, I wanted, I prayed and I hoped.
But you took my breath and inhaled it until it made me choke.
Your betrayal laid so heavily on my heart, tore my chest muscles apart.
So overwhelmed, I wanted to die; the scope too big for my life eye.
Thought we would grow old together, but you just faded me, oh how so clever.
Did I expect too much, not noticing our bond fade away?
Or was I in denial then, as I am today?
Answer me! Your silence pains me to my soul.
You think without you, I won’t be whole.
But I will, the decision has been made. My sun will always shine but will
never move in to your shade.
Since you won’t change for the better of us, leave you now I must.
I know that grin sadly, I must with a heavy heart insist.
We must part ways, we can no longer co-exist.
Please go your way and I will be sure to go mine but before you go, allow me to say this just one more time…
Never truly were you ever a Payne; D-Roc, one day, I hope you live up to the name.
Our accomplishments, dreams, goals; you will never destroy, and you ask why?
Thomas DeMont and DeLaune still adore me; me, myself and I…

Do you know why this monster lives inside of me?
Why the heathens and the thugs show love and confide in me?
Do you know about the demons that I have evicted from my soul?
Why my heart was frozen cold since I was 12 years old?
Do you know the lies that I faced, how my mom despised my own face,
do you think you can keep pace if my past was retraced?
Do you know why I’m shy, why I’m cool being a loner?
Why I climbed trees to find peace and became a pill-head and a stoner?
Do you see me in my entirety or only pieces of the puzzle?
Do you see why God is the fountain I continuously try to guzzle?
Do you know how I was created and why I really became a beast?
Why I screamed “Fuck the world!” and on friends and enemies I would feast?
Do you know about my struggle, what I fought to overcome?
How I stood and faced the devil and chose not to run?
Do you know the man you married, can you see my hurt and pain?
Or do you only see the sunshine and choose to ignore the rain?
Do you know about all what makes me who I am?
Do you realize the roads I traveled, learning to become a man.
Facing myself in the mirror, for once I am loving who I really am…

If I died tonight, I wonder if I will have fought hard enough
to implement the Truth; that God is part of us.
Can I truly say I gave it everything I had
and I stood on my square through the good and the bad.
If I died tonight, I wonder would you really miss me?
Walk by my wooden casket, drop a tear as you kiss me?
Did I touch your life or was I just a memory.
Spoke to you loud and clear but I wonder, are you really hearing me?
If I died tonight, would the lessons I was giving
continue on like I was still living?
Would you see the wisdom I was trying to interject?
We can change this world, through our love and intellect.
If I died tonight, would you carry on this torch
or would you leave it on the ground from the fear of being scorched?
If I left this earth, know that I tried to do my best
never had intentions of leaving this world a mess.
Just sitting here wondering if I ever will pass Gods test…

It’s never a delight.
Dressed in white, day and night.
Draining my fire, extinguishing my desire, dragging me down to expire.
In a cesspool of spite with a barrel of strife never imagined so morose a life.
My day begun before the rising of the sun, sorrowful plenty, joy…none.
How can I take so much heartache, as I sleep or lay awake.
Stalked by my death, his minions death.
Squeezing my lungs, taking my breath…
Until I hear a voice, feel a powerful source saying “stay on course”.
Know I am there, no matter what you bear.
When you think no one else does, I will always care…

When are we gonna open our eyes and realize that these mass shootings are polluting our sense of safety?
Lately it seems that Dr. Kings dream has turned into a nightmare.
Where is our love for one another? Am I not your American brother?
Same nation, different color.
And it seems that mothers now have to send their daughters to school with a rape kit, because fools are not longer seeking degrees of education.
More like degrees of molestation and manipulation.
And why do rappers and actors make more than teachers and preachers?
What you fail to invest in, you fail to manifest then.
This soil we tread on has been bled on by our ancestors and yours; so how can we abhor what seems to lie at the center of our core?
When do we finally say “no more”?
It’s time that we become blind to one another’s skin tone.
We are America, the beautiful.
Racism should have been gone.
As a free a free nation, we must do better with emancipation.
Because our segregation and subjugation is the hot topic of every conversation on every news station.
And allow me to plant another seed into your contemplation… the world is watching our lack of communication.

I’ve been a nigger; ignorant and blind in my ways, while shunning all wisdom and knowledge.I’ve been a fool; controlled by my thoughts and passions, thus acting out of impulse and not clear thinking.

I’ve been a heathen; wild and untamed with no direction nor purpose that was conducive to my well-being. I’ve been at the bottom. I’ve slept at the bottom. I’ve ate at the bottom.

But now, I strive for greater things. I strive to be intelligent; capable of understanding the principles of life and comprehending all aspects of it. I strive to be wise; possessing and showing good judgement in all situations and circumstances, good or bad.

I strive to be humble; respectful and reserved, abstaining from all forms of arrogance.

I strive to be conscious; knowing my self fully and completely while inhibiting a deep awareness of that Divine energy that permeates our bodies and Universe.

But most of all, I strive to be a King; one who leads his household, his Queen, and his community; using wisdom, strength and patience. To provide, protect, encourage, guide and cherish all who reside in MY kingdom… I strive to be better tomorrow than I am today…