Wuthering Heights/ Helter Skelter: Let’s lead off with the best freakout feast of gothic fixation ever written. Emily Bronte’s generation spanning saga is full of creepy adoration. Heathcliffe’s love (or psychosis, whatever…) for Catherine is so intense, it drives him insane. The dude can’t let go of her even after she’s dead!

Stalker-ific Book Quote:

“And I pray one prayer–I repeat it till my tongue stiffens–Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living! You said I killed you–haunt me, then!…Be with me always–take any form–drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!”

Stalker-ific Beatles’ Lyric:

“When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top of the slide.
Where I stop and turn and I go for a ride; till I get to the bottom and I see you again….Do you don’t you want me to love you. I’m coming down fast but I’m miles above you. Tell me tell me come on tell me the answer…” —Helter Skelter

Here on Earth/Run For Your Life: In Alice Hoffman’s modern day Wuthering Heights, March Murray returns to her childhood home in Massachussetts. March is drawn like a moth to a flame to her long lost childhood sweetheart, Hollis. Hollis makes a melancholy, violent Heathcliffe. He’s as reclusive as the unabomber and as handsome as a bodice ripper coverboy. Hoffman’s wordsmith prowess adds extra value to this OCD romance.

Stalker-ific Book Quote:

“Unfinished business always comes back to haunt you, and a man who swears he’ll love you forever isn’t finished with you until he’s done.”

Stalker-ific Beatles Lyric:

“You better run for your life if you can, little girl. Hide your head in the sand little girl. Catch you with another man, that’s the end’a little girl…” —Run For Your Life

The Thorn Birds/Girl: Who knew a love story built on a the forbidden affair between a young girl and a priest could be so steamy? If you stop and think about this book too much, the creepy factor gets to you. (C’mon, Ralph first meets Meggie when she’s almost a baby. Ick…) Even so, the plot is compelling and tragic. Read the book, then see the Richard Chamberlain/Rachel Ward three hankie mini-series.

Stalker-ific Book Quote:

“There is a legend about a bird which sings just once in its life, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth… singing among the savage branches, it impales itself upon the longest, sharpest spine. And, dying, it rises above its own agony to out-carol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative song, existence the price. ..”

Stalker-ific Beatles’ Lyric:

“When I think of all the times I tried to hard to leave her,
she will turn to me and start to cry…”–Girl

Twilight/I Want You (She’s So Heavy): Another secret confession– I snapped up the Twilight series like a flaky, fried meth tweaker scoring a hit.

Is the writing Pulitzer worthy? No.

Are the characters believable? No.

Does Edward Cullen make a hawt vampire stalker? Yes, Oh Mylanta, YES!

Full Disclosure– I consider the Twilight series a trilogy. I loathe (nay, HATE with an all consuming passion) Breaking Dawn. Stephenie Meyer, you broke my heart with “Renesmee.” Thou art dead to me.