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Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Funniez. I'z lost it.

All right, I'm just going to get right to the point with this post.

I'm totally phoning it in today. Or whatever the phrase is for "I cannot come up with anything that doesn't make me want to punch myself in the tit and apparently I left my funny somewhere else so I'm totally taking the easy way out."

RPattz's face after he read the first three rough drafts of today's post. Either that or he is trying to shit in his pants. Same difference.

Seriously, I'm just not feeling it today. It's Sunday, which means I have to go back to my soul-raping commute and job tomorrow, not to mention that-- based on the price of my plane tickets--Austin, Texas is apparently located somewhere on Mars' outer ring. What do they use for fuel on planes these days? Diamonds and unicorns? I might have to sell my liver to get to SXSW this year. How much does a heavily abused liver go for these days, anyway?

What the fuck, airlines? Why so expensive?

Anyway, since I'm not feeling the funny today, I'm totally glomming onto someone else's funny shit and sharing it with you because I still intend to make you laugh somehow, dammit.

And trust me, the guy that writes Kristen Stewart Wants It is fucking high-larious. Sure, he doesn't write all things Twilight but he's definitely worth the read. Especially when he's ruminating about RPattz and KStew bobbing heads.

Also, he says something that literally made me blow coffee out of my nose the first time I read it - Robpenis-head. That's right, you know you need to read that shit rightthefucknow.

Now, I've linked to Kristen Stewart Wants It before and it's one of those sites that I read on a daily basis (or whenever he updates) but I never comment because I'm always afraid I'll say something totally stupid. Instead, I trick Snarkier Than You into going over there and embarrassing herself in the comments. Not that it matters because it only took her .02 seconds to toss my ass under the bus.

Still not amused? A) What the fuck is wrong with you? B) Watch this:

If you didn't at least chuckle a little at that, I suggest you check your pulse to see if you're still alive. In the meantime, I'm going to hole myself up in the bathroom and hope I can shit out some inspiration that way or, at the very least, try to figure out what the fuck crawled up my vagina today.

17 comments:

I had heard of that blog and everyone always talking about Rifftrax...that was my first exposure to either.

Very

Funny...

On a side note...sometimes it is best to leave the mystery be...whatever crawled up your vagina today will find its way back out eventually...try not to think on it too much...or do a one day monistat nuclear bomb...either way...tomorrow is still going to suck back at work.

Sorry! I don't want to seem ungrateful for the update we got last week! And I haven't forgotten that we all promised not to bug you for updates. That's not my intent.

But sometimes our brain just doesn't want to cooperate and work on whatever it is we need to work on. So maybe if you were trying to work on your story, your brain would run in the other direction and stupid Twilight bloggy stuff would keep popping into your head to distract you. Or maybe not.

I saw a picture of a really beautiful penis last week. Maybe looking at some porn will inspire you, huh?

OK. That's all the ideas I have. It's obvious why I don't write for a blog! Sorry. Hope your mojo comes back soon!

Thanks for the reminder that I need to download Rifftrax so I have an excuse to force TH into two viewings of Eclipse (one without, so he knows the story and can make his own jokes, and one with, which he always loves). And I love Kristen Stewart Wants It. :)

Let's all agree not to think about having to go to work tomorrow for the rest of tonight. Thoughts of work always ruin perfectly good Sundays.

JJ, I'm right there with you with facing the soul sucking job, but I REALLY hope that nothing that actually crawls is in your vagina...I feel like that could be a harrowing experience for both you and ML.

Oh Jenny my love... you could never lose your funniez. You one of the funniest bitchez I know which is what made me love you so much... I want to rub myself all over you to try and capture some of your funniez for myself. I also MUST get the Eclipse Rifftrax... that shizz kills me.

hello twi's...i am on a mission to get Rob on SNL in March (wfe comes out) and i would fucking love if Mister Sex On Leggs hosted..no i would die of happieness or hornieness whatever right? anywho' i need some help from u gals cuz i am in desperate need of his holy hottness (uncensored) on SNL..so what do ya say , if it worked for betty white surley we can get stud muffin to go for it!!! please help

JJ, I'm right there with you with facing the soul sucking job, but I REALLY hope that nothing that actually crawls is in your vagina...I feel like that could be a harrowing experience for both you and ML.

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