Ds, 16, is probably going on a summer exchange. He signed up, not expecting to get in, and he did. I say "probably" because he is getting cold feet. It is a language exchange, he knows very little French and is quite worried! He is also exhausted from his year at school, and feeling like he wants to spend the summer sleeping in and playing video games. Can't say I blame him.

In any event, I do want him to go. I think he will learn some French, travel, see another part of Canada, meet different people - all sorts of good things. Oh, and there is a work component to it - so he will earn some money.

I don't want to insist he goes or mommy-pressure him into going if that makes sense.

As someone who had difficulty finding work as a teen (and into my twenties - there was a big economic recession when I was in my teens and twenties) I cannot help but think he is passing up a great opportunity that does not always come ones way. It even hints a little at entitlement who wants to stay home and do very little versus a work/language exchange????

In any event, even if there is entitlement - what can I do about it? It is his call whether to go or not. Ugh!

Clearly, this is a vent - but if anyone has a btdt, I am all ears.

cynthia mosher

06-24-2012 06:32 AM

29 Attachment(s)

You might try posting in the Learning at Home and Beyond forum to see if anyone there has some experienced advice to offer.

skreader

06-25-2012 12:28 AM

Hi Kathy,

I have 2 kids 14 & 16. Spending a whole summer sleeping and playing video-games is NOT an option we will allow.

DD 16 has a part-time job (16-24 hours a week) and is preparing for her SAT IIs that she will take next year. That still leaves her plenty of time for sleeping & Skyrim (her latest favorite game).

DS 14 has signed up for a "build your own computer" 2 week course and also a Saturday sports class. He is also going to study USA history at home (led by me) because that is not really covered in his school curriculum. That leaves an enormous amount of time for him to rest, play games, and build things at home.

Both kids are also going to improve on their grocery shopping & dinner-making skills for the benefit of the whole family.

So, I would suggest that you let your 16 DS know that if he doesn't do the French exchange, he will do other activities, at least exercise and volunteering and helping around your house.

As for his worry about not knowing much French, acknowledge it, but also tell him he can cope. If nothing else, it will give him more compassion and understanding for immigrants. When I first moved to Taiwan, my Mandarin was not very good and it really helped me develop compassion and respect for all people who move to a new culture and language.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

Ds, 16, is probably going on a summer exchange. He signed up, not expecting to get in, and he did. I say "probably" because he is getting cold feet. It is a language exchange, he knows very little French and is quite worried! He is also exhausted from his year at school, and feeling like he wants to spend the summer sleeping in and playing video games. Can't say I blame him.

amnesiac

06-25-2012 07:13 AM

I agree, if he doesn't go then there should be some other productive activity. Sleeping in, playing video games all summer isn't cool at our house either. I actually had a talk with one of my 17 year olds about that very thing this summer.

Personally, I'd probably tell him that it's important to follow through with commitments & since he signed up, he needs to go. Then help identify what the barriers are & how they can be overcome - language barriers can be overcome with a travel dictionary or phone app, consider how this vacation will give him mental & physical rest, etc.

purslaine

06-25-2012 09:06 AM

Well, I actually am Ok with him sleeping in and playing video games all summer

I am not so Ok with missing opportunities - they do not come along all the time.

That being said, I talked him into going to an info meeting last night, and it looks like he is going

He is being placed with another English student (he had initially been told most people are placed individually) in a food bank/second hand clothing store. While he will work with the public about 1/2 the time, he will also do stuff behind the scenes a fair bit. He is happy with his job placement.

We in turn, are getting a French girl - so I will have a trio of girl children and teens this summer.

Linda on the move

06-26-2012 10:38 AM

Is he going to Montreal? We are getting ready to go to Montreal for a month. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity for him. My kids won't have those same experiences because they'll just be with us, but I still thinking being there will be great for them. It's a totally different world for us. We live in the suburban South West. (one of mine is looking forward to it, one isn't)

Sometimes I find it hard to tell when my kids need a little push and when they should be left alone. I do think it is OK to give them a shove out of of the nest when we know they can soar.

purslaine

06-26-2012 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Is he going to Montreal? We are getting ready to go to Montreal for a month. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity for him. My kids won't have those same experiences because they'll just be with us, but I still thinking being there will be great for them. It's a totally different world for us. We live in the suburban South West. (one of mine is looking forward to it, one isn't)

Sometimes I find it hard to tell when my kids need a little push and when they should be left alone. I do think it is OK to give them a shove out of of the nest when we know they can soar.

Nope - he is going north of Quebec City. Saguenay region - which I hear is gorgeous!

Have fun in Montreal - I will probably be there once or twice this summer - we go every 6 weeks or so (we have family there and are only 2 hours away).

I know your oldest has noise issues - but if she can handle it - check out the fireworks festival - it rocks!!!

I am pretty sure you have been to Montreal before but if you want any hints, etc, let me know!

bon voyage!

Linda on the move

06-26-2012 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kathymuggle
I am pretty sure you have been to Montreal before but if you want any hints, etc, let me know!

I bet it is gorgeous. We are looking forward to the lushness of Quebec. I want to get them out to the Laurentians. We want to go canoeing or kayaking or something. (Water is a very big deal for us.)

I'd love hints! We used to live there, but the kids were VERY young so it will be completely different for us now. We also plan to head up to Quebec City -- which we've never seen. And we plan to spend one weekend in Ottawa -- which we LOVE.

In Montreal, we'll see the botanical garden, bio dome, and eco museum. I think I'm going to sign us up for some 2K/5Ks while we are there just because it would be such awesome T shirts (I'm very deep).

I really don't know how the kids and I will stay busy during the day. My DH will be working on the west island and he may be getting off at different times each day and working some long hours, and we will only have one car. I think I'll be able to do public transportation for the things we want to do in town (we are staying down town in a furnish apartment), but places we need a car to get to could be challenging because I'll have to drop him off and pick him up, and he may not know what time he needs picked up.

Anyway, hints would be good. The last time we were there was a bit of a disaster, but the kids were tiny and we actually lived there year round. I'm hoping one month in the summer with teens can be fun.

(And yes, my older does have issues with noise and crowds )

skreader

06-26-2012 10:13 PM

Hi Kathy,

Glad to hear that he's going and feeling good about it. Leaving home for the first time is quite a step.