As a follow up question, would it be unreasonable for me to call things off with my girlfriend because she's harping on my depressive state?

I was prepared to get engaged to this woman but it feels as though she's been patronizing me for the last couple days. I think it's reasonable for me to struggle to get out of bed for the moment. Even my employer understands but my girlfriend seems to put her impatience before my grieving. Is that a sign?

I think I'm just lost right now and could use some kind of anonymous contact.

Mate, your father just hung himself. No important life decisions for a month or two, please.

It will get better, you should just allow yourself to feel what you feel and do what you do. For what it's worth, taking good care of yourself is a good self-therapy, keeps you occupied and moving through your feelings.

>>16499199have a serious talk with her about it. tell her that right now you need her to be more understanding and patient. she might just be a little freaked out by the intense emotional state you're in and not know how to help. some people don't know how to handle that kind of situation. if she's really someone that you are considering spending your life with then communicate with her. sometimes you need to help people help you even when you're drowning in your own struggles. just remember that your process of grieving has no set time limit and that you will eventually find your footing again. people may go but i believe that if you remember them fondly then they will live on. you're gonna make it, anon.

>>16499204>No important life decisions for a month or two, please.That's probably good advice, thanks. I'll do my best to keep it in mind.

>>16499208Not to offer an excuse for her, but after thinking about what the last anon said it could be confusing for her as well. With some fear of turning this post into my personal blog, there was a kind of turning point.

Two days ago I went onto the balcony of my apartment and started sobbing. My girlfriend came out afterwards and asked "Are you okay?" For the first time in my life I couldn't say anything, I just shook my head. I honestly don't know how it might've come across to her, but I feel broken. Maybe that's what's frustrating her some? We've been dating for almost 4 years.

>>16499188To question 1: Yes,it does get better, but slowly and sometimes two steps forward-one step back. There are no rules and no timetable. Grieve the way you have to.

To question2: Yes, she is being insensitive, but I'd gut her a little slack. This is all new to her, too, and she's trying to do what is right by cheering you up. She's wrong, but her intentions are probably not selfish.

>>16499199I'm sorry for your loss, and doubly so for the circumstances.

I agree that there should generally be no important life decisions for quite some time: some would advise waiting a whole year. But sometimes reality interferes, and what your girlfriend is doing is egregiously toxic. On its face, I'd even say it borders on abusive. It would indeed be unfair to expect her to know how to handle this perfectly, but she could certainly be doing better than this. I can't quite rule out the possibility that something big is going on on her end, but frankly, this had better be good.

I recommend that you start by seeing a grief counselor. They specialize in things like this. A few sessions of couples counseling would also be a good idea, to deal with the girlfriend issue.

You asked if it gets better: it does, for certain values of "better". You don't forget, but in time, the memories won't hurt like this. The only thing you have to do is let it happen.

You'll be fine. Keep yourself busy and never give up.It's not gonna be easy,but you will have some true moments of happiness...My father died when I was 14My mother died almost 3 years ago.I have no family left.I'm 29 years old. I have a good job, I live alone and have some great friends...that's all you need in the end.

And easier? Mate, its never easy to miss someone. But it will hit hard less and less. There will be major times it will hit and minor times. I hate to say it, but it is life. We live, we lose, we continue on. You are atill in mourning. Allow yourself to mourn. Thats okay. Take a deep breath and put on a smile occasionally, even if you have to force it. Slowly, the amile will return and it will be natural. Be happy for the time you had and try not to dwell on the time you didnt have.

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