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Welcome to Super Boy Alan's Mostly-Retro Review Page!

I own way too many games. I play too many games. I write in way too much detail about games. If I haven't scared you off yet, you're right at home.

My eventual goal is to beat every NES game released in North America without use of cheat devices or save states; goodness knows if I'll get there, but I can at least try. I also review other stuff sometimes, and I'm always glad to take review requests from readers! For those interested in doing so, or simply in what games I own, I am currently in the process of uploading my complete collection and completion status to my page at backloggery.com. If you see a game listed there that I haven't reviewed yet and you'd like me to give it a shake, let me know!

Note: As often as possible I prepare my own screenshots for my reviews, but at times this is not easily possible. For any screenshots taken from another source, however, I do my best to give credit where credit is due. If you see a screenshot of yours that you wish to have me remove, e-mail me at aelunthebard@gmail.com and I would be happy to oblige.

Also, if you see any broken links, factual errors, or typos, just message me via 1UP and let me know!

Reviews/Reflections

(games without hyperlinks are on deck for upcoming reviews, in no particular order)

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As mentioned in my last review, most beat-em-ups are rather straightforward affairs, mostly consisting of walking from left to right and punching a few guys every now and again. River City Ransom was very much the exception; the addition of stores, stats, and a large (if somewhat linear) world to explore freely were unique features that few other games of its kind implemented. Perhaps this is the reason that the beat-em-up genre isn't as well-remembered today as it was then: most of those games tended to, more or less, play the same way.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game isn't particularly innovative or forward-thinking as far as gameplay is concerned, and is similar to any number of other arcade games from the time. What it lacks in complexity, however, it makes up for in personality, capturing the spirit of a licensed property beautifully while throwing in enough little twists and turns to keep the gameplay from getting *too* stale. Granted, you'll still be mostly beating up the same foes over and over for about an hour, but it's still a fun way to pass the time.

As implied by the title, TMNT II is an adaptation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade title that was released in 1989. The downgrade in hardware makes for less spectacular graphics, a more limited soundtrack, and a maximum of two simultaneous players instead of four. However, the designers were certainly conscious of their limitations, and worked well within them; amongst NES games, it's still pretty good-looking, and the music makes good use of the sound chip. It's also nice that they extended the player's health bar and set a firm (but reasonable) limit on continues to balance the gameplay properly for a home release. Plus, there are a couple of extra levels, which was certainly a nice touch - especially considering that they take place in all-new settings and add entirely new enemies and bosses (rather than sticking solely to palette-swapped foot soldiers).

The controls are nice and simple: as far as the basics are concerned, A jumps and B attacks. To jump-kick, attack in the middle of a jump, which will abort the jump and send you flying, foot-first, into your enemy. Attacking immediately after the start of a jump, however, will activate the spin-kick, which does twice as much damage as your other attacks and can take out the regular foot soldiers in one hit. It's kind of nice that the jump button doesn't require any ridiculous combinations to pull off as in River City Ransom... although, granted, there's not really any platforming to worry about this game.

This is a much more straightforward beat-em-up that River City Ransom, however - the entire game operates under a very simple formula:

1. Walk to the right.2. Kill some guys.3. Repeat steps 1 and 2.

It's not for everyone, I suppose - I've heard people complain about the simplicity and repetitiveness, and their criticisms are not entirely invalid. So why is this game so well-remembered by people who played it back in the day? Well, there are three things that make this game work as well as it does, which push it a few notches above the sea of mediocre brawlers that flooded the market in the early 90's.

The first of these is the variety of enemies that you face... although given the sheer number of regular foot soldiers in this game, this may seem like a dubious argument. Consider, though, how many different kinds of weapons these guys wield: throwing knives, dynamite, gigantic tires... and the list goes on from there. The color-coding usually gives you a good clue as to how they'll attack you, and coming across a new variety keeps things fresh. It certainly doesn't hurt that the foot soldiers never take more than two hits to kill - something that keeps the pacing from slowing to a crawl, as in so many of the less remarkable Final Fight clones.

Of course, there are tons of other enemies as well, my favorite of which are the snowmen in the NES-exclusive winter level, which the manual refers to as "Frosty the Hit-Man." Gotta love those cheesy Konami-manual puns...

TMNT 2 also distinguishes itself by way of the setpieces that are scattered throughout the levels, which add still more variety and flavor to what could otherwise be an incredibly generic game. In a less remarkable brawler, enemies would simply enter from off-screen in each new area - and granted, there are plenty of instances of that here. However, there are also a number of interesting obstacles and events to take you by surprise, including giant rolling metal balls and foot soldiers driving through the middle of the stage on a snow plow. Most of these are one-off obstacles or only show up a few times in the game, so they don't tend to get stale. Even regular enemies will sometimes appear on-screen in interesting ways, like the foot soldiers who pop out of the sewers in level two and throw the manhole covers at you - which you can, with proper timing, knock back at them with your weapon.

Oh, and speaking of interesting setpieces, I always liked attacking the woman on the skateboard and listening to her scream. (Wow, I sound like such a jerk saying that.)

The third distinguishing element of TMNT 2 is its faithful implementation of the Ninja Turtles license. The first TMNT game on NES had its share of characters from the comic book and TV show, but it also had its share of insane, random bad guys that had nothing to do with anything, like those flaming men who shot out little hopping fire feet. The second game's arguable over-reliance on foot soldiers mitigates the issue somewhat, but there are plenty of other enemies that, if not present directly in the show, at least fit in with the look and feel of the Ninja Turtles series better. Many of your opponents are robots of some kind, like the one-wheeled whatsits in the first level that shock you with their laser beam, or the mousers that pop up in the sewers. As far as major villains, Bebop and Rocksteady are back, but Baxter Stockman and Krang also make their first appearances on a console TMNT game as well.

The writing and humor of the show come through in a few places as well, if only in subtle ways. The game's not exactly dialogue-heavy, sure, but little one-liners like Shredder's "Tonight I dine on turtle soup" are a nice touch, no doubt. There's also the fact that, when one of your turtles falls in a manhole, he says, "Who puts the lights out?" It's not the sort of thing that will send you rolling on the floor, but it's certainly par for the course for a campy late 80's/early 90's kid's cartoon, at least.

Oh! And speaking of licenses, did I mention all the Pizza Hut advertising? The manual even came with a coupon for a free personal pan pizza... which, sadly, was expired when I bought the game new back in the early 90's, but hey, I suppose my intact copy of the instruction manual is worth a little more because of that.

You're given three continues to get through the game, which should be enough if you keep in mind a few basic strategies. One of the most important is that the spin attack is by far the best way to kill most weak enemies, although some can be taken out with jump-kicks with little trouble. For most bosses, I've found that jump-kicks are the way to go... but bear this in mind: if you wait until the end of your jump (while you're falling) to kick, you'll be able to jump out of the way before the enemy can attack you again. Unfortunately, this doesn't work so well on Krang because of his eye lasers... and in all honesty, unless, I'm missing some key strategy, that battle is really just a war of attrition. Shredder's actually much easier, provided you avoid the instant-death electricity (although sometimes he barely uses it).

Although resource management isn't as meticulous as in the first TMNT NES game, managing your health meter well can still make a huge difference. Make sure to save pizza for emergencies; unless you're about to die, don't get the pizza as soon as it appears, but wait until you've cleared any nearby foes. Also, remember that your health restores at the end of each level, so if you're playing with a friend, the player with more health should probably focus on the boss, so that the weaker player can come into the next stage without losing a life.

Ideally, two-player is the way to go; although most of the bosses are best defeated with one player doing most of the work, the game is a lot more fun if you have someone to play along with. As with most beat-em-ups, the dynamic is more fun with a buddy, not to mention that the extra lives a second player brings in make getting through a lot more manageable...

...although Krang is still a pain in the butt either way. Freakin' Krang.

The music lives up to the standard of most later Konami titles, and as an added bonus... it actually includes the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song! Once you start up the game, it's the first thing you hear during the opening cutscene, and in many of the later levels, bits and pieces of the theme are woven organically into the background loops. A music theorist would refer to this recurring use of thematic material throughout a larger work as "cyclicism"; a Ninja Turtles fan would simply refer to it as "awesome."

As straightforward and no-nonsense as it is, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game is a well-made beat-em-up that's still good for a playthrough even today. It's beloved by many who grew up with the NES, and for good reason - the user-friendly controls, clever use of setpieces, and faithfulness to the license make it a joy to play, alone or with afriend. It may not be an epic, sprawling masterpiece, but it does a good job at what it sets out to do - and frankly, that's more than can be said for a lot of NES games...

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Where/when purchased: At a Wal-Mart when I was in elementary school... so some time in the early 90's.

Cost: Somewhere in the area of $40... I remember feeling like that was kind of pricey. Then again, I wasn't the informed bargain-hunter that I am now...

Date Started: 8-8-2011 8:56 PM

Date Finished: 8-8-2011 10:12 PM

Space in the NES notebook: Two lines for start and finish times.

FAQs/assistance used: None.

Favorite part?: It's hard to single out a favorite part, but I'm a bit of a fan of the first fight against Baxter Stockman for some reason. During co-op runs, I always liked how the element of co-op could really come into play here: "Okay, I'll take care of the mousers, and you go after Stockman!"

Difficulty: Moderate. The early levels aren't too bad, although Bebop is, strangely enough, one of the trickier bosses. Experienced gamers should have no problem getting to the Technodrome, with Krang being the only serious sticking point in the game.

Worth it?: If you find beat-em-ups bland and repetitive, this one might not be enough to change your mind, but for fans of the genre, this is a *definite* must-play.

After Easter services wrapped up last Sunday, I decided to take a trip to my favorite used game haunt to see if they had any NES games that I didn't own. Sadly, there was only one -- The Harlem Globetrotters -- which turned out to be a complete sack of excrement. But hey, that's one game closer to a mostly-complete NES collection! Only 300 more to go, or something like that. I also found a couple of Game Boy games that seemed like worthwhile purchases: Last Action Hero (also crap, but only three bucks), and Crystal Quest -- a port of a game I played a *ton* as a kid.

The original version was pretty fantastic for its time; the premise was simple (collect crystals and shoot baddies), the action was fast-paced, and things could get downright manic once you got to the later levels. I managed to work my way to wave 30 or so as a kid, but I don't think I ever beat my parents' top scores...

The Game Boy port isn't bad, but... let's just say that it lost a few things in translation. Some of the enemies were changed around significantly to help compensate for the system's lack of horsepower, and the lower resolution meant there wasn't nearly as much room for things to happen. The game, as a result, became much easier, and upon my second playthrough of the port, I managed to hit level 99, whereupon the level looped about 20 times before I finally whittled away the last of my lives and stopped at a little over 7 million points. Somehow I don't think I'd have that kind of luck on the original version.

The sound design is also a little disappointing in the port; whereas the original had distinct, quirky sounds that gave each enemy a ton of personality, all of those were removed and replaced by the simple blips and beeps that the Game Boy was capable of producing. There was one sound effect, however, that was preserved: the one that you hear upon exiting the "hatch" at the bottom of the screen after collecting all the crystals. Here's a video of the Apple IIGS version, which is pretty close to the original Mac version; the sound effect comes in at around the 19-second mark:

Apparently the designers of the Game Boy port thought that weirdly suggestive sigh was important enough to preserve in the Game Boy version. Observe:

Gotta love it.

Anyway, I've heard it's on XBLA, so feel free to try it! I think there's a demo or something available as well...

In the early days of gaming, racing titles were certainly a lot different than they are now. Franchises like Gran Turismo have brought a whole new level of realism and depth to the racing genre, and are able to render real-life vehicles in 3D with stunning fidelity; in decades prior, developers were hard-pressed just to get the perspective to feel right. Early racing games fell into one of three categories: top-down racers like Codemaster's Micro Machines, isometric racers like R. C. Pro-AM, or behind-the-vehicle racers like Pole Position. The top-down view often lead to unrealistically straight race tracks, and an isometric perspective could have unwanted side-effects on the control scheme, since left would mean right if the car was facing towards the player. The behind-the-vehicle perspective required all manner of trickery to render convincingly, as each type of twist and turn in a track was programmed with separate graphics; not only was this tedious, but it limited the possibilities of what kinds of track layouts where possible.

When F-Zero was first released, nothing like it had existed on consoles before. Thanks to the wonders of Mode-7 graphics, the entire track could be stored on a background layer, and as the player's car moved, the track would scale and rotate in accordingly. This technology, in addition to the futuristic aesthetic of the game, allowed for some other interesting design elements in the track layouts - not to mention that nifty swooping effect at the start of each race - making for a more exciting racing game than most of what had come before. To a modern player, though, the original F-Zero will probably feel a bit weird - not necessarily because of the Mode-7 perspective, but because of the way basic gameplay elements like score and rank are handled. Some of these break the illusion of a persistent racing arena just as quickly as the graphics create it, but we'll get to all that in a minute...

Before a Grand Prix begins, you're given a choice of four vehicles; this may seem like a small number to a modern gamer, but keep in mind that many early racing games didn't even allow the player to choose a car in the first place. Each car has a slightly different acceleration, top speed, weight, and endurance, making for notable differences in the way they handle. The Blue Falcon is the most balanced, and a good starting vehicle; the Golden Fox can hit its top speed more quickly, but is slower on the straightaways and can't take as much punishment. The Wild Goose is somewhat heavier than both of them, with a higher top speed at the expense of a lower acceleration; the Fire Stingray emphasizes these strengths and weaknesses further, making it a capable vehicle in the hands of an expert. Working through the vehicles in succession is a good way to ease into the tougher tracks, but for the best times, you'll want to go with the Fire Stingray - once you're experienced enough to use it effectively, of course.

There are three Grand Prix total - Knight, King, and Queen - each of which has five races, making for a total of fifteen tracks. Each Grand Prix can initially be played on one of three difficulty settings, which determines the speed and ability of your opponents. Strangely enough, your goal is not actually to win the Grand Prix, but to get at least third place in each race. There's no real reward or incentive for coming in first, as the only record the game saves of your victories is your top ten best times for each track, independent of difficulty setting.

Each race has five laps, and at the end of each lap, your rank is calculated. If you meet the rank requirements for that lap, you receive a certain number of points (depending on your rank) and are allowed to continue on, but if you don't, you're automatically disqualified from the race, and you lose a life. You earn an extra life for every 10,000 points you gain, and getting to the end is all that matters. You're also given a turbo boost after each lap, which you can use at any time to get a huge burst of speed.

To keep things interesting, various obstacles, hazards, and other elements were added, giving each track a distinct feel. Some of them are standard fare for non-realistic racers - speed arrows, jump spots, "off-road" sections to slow you down - but there were also several hazards that would have been uncommon in racers of the time, if not entirely unique to this game. One track has magnet rails that pull you towards one edge of the track, and another has land mines peppered across one of the short cuts. Of particular note is the appropriately named "Death Wind"; although it appears at first glance to be a boring cruise around a giant oval, an unsuspecting first-time player will quickly find themselves buffeted by a strong gust from the left, wondering why they can't keep straight or hit any of the speed arrows right in front of them.

Every area also has a patch of "healing" track, which causes a beam to come down and restore your car's energy meter. This is handy if you've collided with a few walls or slammed into an opponent by mistake, and in the later levels, it's practically essential for all but the most experienced players. Running out of energy isn't an issue early on, but as the levels get tougher, your chances of crashing will get higher and higher; if you have one of the heavier vehicles, it's easier to take a lot of punishment, but trying to send the Golden Fox through the Fire Field is practically a death wish.

The tracks may feel flat - and I mean that in the most literal sense - by today's standards, but the action is still pretty tight and fun on the easier difficulties. On the higher difficulties, though, the game starts to bare its flaws more visibly, as the computer will start to behave cheaply and find ways to make your life a living nightmare. I can't testify for certain whether or not the computer opponents are ever truly guilty of "rubber-banding" - that is, pulling ahead of you at an artificially high speed simply because you're winning - but it doesn't take much to lose the lead on Expert mode, especially if you're using a vehicle with low acceleration.

To make matters worse, you'll still have to contend with enemy cars even when you're in the lead. Aside from you and your three primary opponents, every single car on the track is a generic looking orange-yellow something-or-other - or a palette-swapped version thereof, if a low-ranked racer manages to pass you - and you'll be lapping them constantly if you manage to keep ahead of the pack. None of them are actually ranked in the race, though; the computer just generates them in an attempt to keep things interesting. This is fine and well, I suppose, but when you're going through a narrow stretch of track in the Fire Stingray and you've got some yellow idiot blocking an other wise perfect turn, you're left with no choice but to either decelerate - giving Captain Falcon a chance to pass you in a matter of seconds - or to crash into the stupid thing, sending you veering off course and back into sixth place. Perhaps veterans of this game would tell me otherwise, but I can't embrace that sort of design decision - not to mention the presence of an infinite number of clone cars kind of kills the illusion of a persistent racing arena.

Granted, this "infinite mook car syndrome" was not uncommon in earlier racing games; I'm sure there are tons of other examples, but the first one that comes to mind is the racing level from the NES game Adventures in the Magic Kingdom. It's a bit of an extreme case, but the game doesn't even keep track of your rank; it just throws a lot of cars on the track at random as you plow towards the finish in a straight line, only worrying about getting there before time runs out. F-Zero was light-years ahead of this, of course, but it's hard not to compare it to later racers; even if you discount Grand Turismo and its progeny, there's still Super Mario Kart, which ditched the generic opponents and added a two-player mode - a feature the original F-Zero sorely lacked (although its sequels would remedy this).

For a patient gamer, though, there are rewards for beating the game on higher difficulties. A successful playthrough of Expert mode on any Grand Prix summons the credits roll and unlocks the final difficulty level, Master Mode. Beating that gives you a special message from Captain Falcon, apparently telling you how awesome you are for becoming the ultimate F-Zero champion. Or at least surviving through all of the races without dying too many times...

There's one other feature that deserves mention: the Practice Mode, which is helpful for a starting player, if somewhat weirdly implemented. You can practice races, time-trial style, with or without an opponent, giving you a chance to do better when you take on the Grand Prix again. Not every race is available, however; you can only practice about half of the available tracks, and if you manage to beat one of your Grand Prix records, your time still gets shown in the top ten for that track. The game makes no differentiation between practice records and Grand Prix records - a bit of a strange decision given how much difference the presence of other cars can make, but then again, the "rules" behind how time trial modes are "supposed to work" probably hadn't been established yet.

Despite the gameplay issues, the soundtrack still comes through as a strong effort, showing off the capabilities of the SNES sound chip effectively. In stark contrast to the muted background tunes of Pilotwings, the music of F-Zero is upbeat and fast-paced, in keeping with the general tempo of the gameplay. The trumpet parts throughout several of the tracks are notable for actually sounding like trumpets; sure, a real instrument couldn't effortlessly slide up an octave, but it was certainly more convincing than what most home computers and game systems could produce at that time.

F-Zero is a pretty spiffy game, and would've been a great choice at the time of the SNES's launch. Nevertheless, the residues of an earlier era taint its high-octane gameplay somewhat, and even retro-gaming enthusiasts should perhaps be advised to look elsewhere for the best possible racing fix. The later F-Zero games did improve on the original's weaknesses, however; I for one have a soft spot for F-Zero X, which not only had a "combat" mode and a random track generator, but might be the only N64 game in existence not to suffer from chronic slowdown. But we'll get to all of that another day...