Ms. Chastain was simply glowing in this classic red gown. The color is incredible, the silhouette and fit are magnificently flattering, her hair and makeup are fresh and flawless, and that Bulgari snake bracelet is ten different kinds of awesome. There’s something Garden of Eden meets high fashion about this that I absolutely love.

ANNA DELLO RUSSOtop and skirt by Balenciaga, jewelry and purse by Bulgari

Photo: vogue.co.uk

Killing it. That skirt is maybe my favorite thing on this planet. But Anna Dello Russo is from another universe entirely, and that is why I love her.

MILLA JOVOVICHgown by Valentino, jewelry by David Yurman, purse by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

I wish the purse were a little more interesting, because it would minimize the bridal vibe happening here, but I still think this gown is pretty exquisite (though I could do without the train). The sexy neckline juxtaposes those wispy, ethereal sleeves very nicely, and that pink cocktail ring is just fucking fun.

She could use a neckline and a way more interesting hair style, but I found myself liking this bow-adorned eggplant gown, despite its mermaid shape. I think the giant bow actually balances out the mermaid shape in a way that makes me not despise it, and the color is beautiful, albeit more autumn in New York than summer in Cannes.

I think it’s a wee bit too casual-looking for an actual gala. Since she didn’t dress it up with jewelry, Rosie looks a little bit naked and certainly underdressed compared to the rest of the starlets strutting around the event. That said, if she’d worn this to a premiere or photo call, I’d have liked it. I know I complain a lot about mullet skirts, but once in awhile, if they’re done perfectly, they work.

DITA VON TEESEdress by Ulyana Sergeenko, earrings by Chopard

Photo: Gf/Bauer Griffin

The gown is awesome and the earrings are a work of art. I wish she’d gone with a more interesting shoe, since it would have worked perfectly with such an otherwise simple, classic old Hollywood look.

NICOLE KIDMANdress by Marchesa

Photo: Daniele Venturelli/Getty

Nicole was too cool to pose on the red carpet, but her dress is classic and lovely, in true Grace Kelly style. I love those off-the-shoulder sleeves, and this thing fits her like a dream.

ZACHARY QUINTOtuxedo by Giorgio Armani

Photo: Yahoo

Yum.

JOAN SMALLSgown by Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci

Photo: Rex

I actually love the idea behind this dress, but the giant black embellishments at the top of the dress are so out of balance with the delicate skirt. It makes her look like she’s two different people above and below the upper-thigh area. And those clunky shoes with that lovely, whimsical skirt are an affront to fashion, as far as I’m concerned. But although the dress comes down more on the awkward side of interesting, at least it was interesting. I’ll take that over boring any day of the week, dear readers.

ROSARIO DAWSONgown by Vionnet

Photo: Venturelli/WireImage

Imagine how good she would look if this dress actually fit her and if she wasn’t wearing those white shoes, which are obnoxiously focus-pulling when paired with a black gown.

BONNIE WRIGHTgown and purse by Prada

Photo: Rex

Ginny Weasley has a bob now, y’all! Her gown is boring as hell, but her hair and her earrings are all kinds of fabulous.

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIOgown by Zuhair Murad, purse by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/French Select/Getty

OMG, Alessandra, congratulations on winning Cannes Prom Queen! You must be, like, so totally excited! What the hell else could explain this gown, that purse, and that hair?

SHARON STONEgown by Roberto Cavalli, jewelry by de Grisogono

Photo: Andreas Rentz/Getty

That’s not a train, that’s a train wreck. There’s just too much of it. And that’s not the worst part of it by far:

Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin

Listen, I love a backless gown with some kind of interesting detail added, but this just looks so cheap and tacky to me.

KARLIE KLOSSjacket and pants by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

It’s a GALA, for God’s sake. You can wear ladypants to a formal event, but not like THIS. This is barely formal enough for a photo call.

KAROLINA KURKOVAgown by Roberto Cavalli, jewelry by Bulgari

Photo: Mike Marsland/WireImage

These cut-outs are so awkwardly placed and shaped that they just completely obscure the hotness that is Karolina Kurkova. The shape just doesn’t make sense to me.

HEIDI KLUMdress by Marchesa, jewelry by de Grisogono

Photo: Dave M. Benett/Getty

This is a dress for a preteen girl, as far as I’m concerned. And I’m definitelyconcerned about her hair.

KYLIE MINOGUEgown by Roberto Cavalli, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Rex

Alright, it’s official: someone’s got to take the scissors away from Roberto Cavalli.

OLIVIA PALERMOgown by Roberto Cavalli, shoes by Sergio Rossi

Photo: instyle.com

I don’t think this could possibly be more tacky, dated, cheap-looking, and altogether painful to look at. I don’t always love Olivia’s style, but I didn’t really think she was capable of something this offensive to the eyes.