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September 9, 2009

And you do.

I mailed letters today.

I grocery shopped and had dinner (Chicken Posole from a page ripped out of Real Simple magazine and folded into my purse) prepped before noon. Watermelon cut up for when the boys got off the school bus. Sugar cookies with M&Ms baked for dessert.

We walked across the street to watch the geese swim by. Toddled down the sidewalk to look at neighbors' flowers.

Admired rain clouds. Put on a purple necklace.

Danced to the Beatles. Spread out a pink blanket on the ground.

Except.

The magic of today casts a shadow on the un-specialness of other times. A reminder, that sinking stomach drop of the things that are not okay. Despite my attempts to swipe at them, a flick of my hand to brush them away.

It's like when...

you crawl into a crowded bed exhausted in the middle of the night with the sheets and blankets all untucked and amess and you carve a spot just big enough to lie in, and you make do, and you go to restless sleep.

Oh Steph, I so hear you. I don't know what's going on, but know you are in my heart. I understand this so very well. I was there not too long ago (like weeks ago). Right now things are better...but who knows how long that will last. I am just reveling in it while it is.Hang in there. There are many who love you.

Again you often write what is also on my heart. Been dealing with some issues with my daughter (8)with possible adhd/anxiety and my heart just hurts. I wish I could "swipe" it away. Not everyday is bad, several in a row can sometimes be very awesome and special but like you said it reminds you of when it is not. Today I have been on the verge of tears all day...after school was really hard and when I am trying to take care of all of them (others are 12, 10 and 17 months)...it is just plain hard. I wish you God's peace and comfort.

It's been hard for me to blog lately because I feel like such a terrible mother. Being in the house all day alone with two little ones is hard. It's good to know that "we are not alone in our afflictions."

I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes as a believer, I feel like it's not ok for me to struggle with having peace. It's encouraging to know that I'm not alone. Praying God uses these times for His glory and our good.

HI Steph,I think the trick is looking for a doable bit of each day that we CAN change, without beating ourselves up mercilessly or setting impossibly high standards for ourselves. When I was struggling awhile back, I got the idea for '15 minutes better'-- just fixing a tiny bit of the day can be a real morale boost....

Also rest and stay in the Word. I'm reminding myself here too-- I've been staying up too late recently, and have struggled with mood because of that.

Wishing I could be right there to tell you - you're a wonderful mama, a compassionate person, a talented business pro. Things won't always be this crazy. New opportunities will appear and the sun will come out tomorrow, you'll see...