Doing my taxes last week forced me to face how much I spent on wants versus needs and how much I spent on personal indulgences versus personal giving. I’m not going to give up every little luxury that adds color and texture to my life, but I am going to hone the list to a few so that those few will be more meaningful and appreciated. Deciding to support a charity or community organization with regular donations forces me to turn outward instead of always gazing in the mirror at Me and My Stuff. I know I have problems with generosity of spirit, and although I can explain it by the way I was raised and the necessity at one time to barricade the doors of my heart, I can’t excuse it. Unfolding and opening sounds easy only to those who are already there. For the rest of us, it takes baby steps or maybe step-by-step reprogramming to trust that when you start to walk, someone will be there to catch you.

One Response to “Mirror, Mirror…”

I was raised the opposite. My parents had little but were so generous with donations. They set a quiet example for me, so that even as a cash-strapped college student, I gave some of my money away.

Church membership and the community-oriented groups I belonged to as an adult reinforced the notion of a giving culture, and as a couple, my husband and I mentally set the giving goal as a certain percentage of our income.

But about two years ago, we were hit by a perfect storm of financial disasters, and we moved and disconnected from the church. We no longer have a “giving goal” though there are organizations we continue to support, and individual people that we have helped on a small scale.

For decades, I was an active volunteer, but when I moved two years ago, I wiped the slate clean with the intention of starting over fresh.

I find after spending more than 25 years giving time, money, and self, I’m a commitment-phobe. I operated with a giving mentality for so long, on auto-pilot. I’ve only recently begun to consider how to move forward mindfully.

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It's not on a map. There's no zip code, area code, dress code. There's a honky tonk just down the road, the moon is always full, maybe there's a pecan tree in the backyard and an old red truck in the driveway, the houses are faded aqua and neon pink, Frida Kahlo is the patron saint, and I'd live here full-time if I could...this is my ode to inspiration.

Founder and former Publisher of Skirt! Magazine. Writer, editor, blue Kentucky girl exiled in South Carolina, country mouse longing for a penthouse, sometime recluse, sometime party girl.

The things that inspire me to turn off tv and turn on imagination, to get off my couch and get creative, plus bits and pieces on keeping a journal, the writing craft, collagery, photography and assorted other arty alchemy.