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MOB here, needs help...

I was married last year. Now i am mother of the bride. It is two months away and my dtr just told me she doesnt want my husband there. He remarked about the cost of our hotel room & she took offense. She does not feel like he is interested in her big day. I feel hurt. I know what he said was not appropriate but we all ready have all our travel arrangements made. The wedding is out of state. Btw, her real father is deceased so that is not a factor. I have not met the groom's family. It will be embarassing not having my husband there when everyone is expecting him. This drama and family discord is awful. My dtr just called me last night about this. I am processing it but need to respond. I love my daughter but don't want to damage my new relationship with my husband! Any suggestions or advise would be helpful.

Re: MOB here, needs help...

It's rude of your daughter to exclude your husband, and you're allowed to say so and set boundaries that at a minimum, he has to be invited and treated with politeness.

You can insist that your husband has to be invited and treated with respect. But if he's not her father, then he may well not care that much about her wedding, especially since he didn't raise her. You might point out to her that nobody will care about it as much as she and her FI.

That said, what does your daughter want him to do to "show interest" that he isn't doing? It would not be appropriate for him to complain about anything he's not paying for.

You need to talk to to your daughter and tell her that he as to be included. Couples are always invited together per etiquette and it would be an egregious error on her part not to invite her mother's new husband. She would come off looking poorly. I'm sure she was hurt by your husband's comment (which I'm sure was innocently made) but hopefully she will calm down about it.

I was married last year. Now i am mother of the bride. It is two months away and my dtr just told me she doesnt want my husband there. He remarked about the cost of our hotel room & she took offense. She does not feel like he is interested in her big day. I feel hurt. I know what he said was not appropriate but we all ready have all our travel arrangements made. The wedding is out of state. Btw, her real father is deceased so that is not a factor. I have not met the groom's family. It will be embarassing not having my husband there when everyone is expecting him. This drama and family discord is awful. My dtr just called me last night about this. I am processing it but need to respond. I love my daughter but don't want to damage my new relationship with my husband! Any suggestions or advise would be helpful.

Your daughter may choose to invite you and your husband to her wedding, or not. She may not, however, split you up as a couple, no matter what your husband said. This would be completely rude of her.

It sounds like your little drama queen needs a good dose of reality. Is she old enough to get married? Are you contributing to the cost of her wedding?

Is there some sort of backstory or history between your daughter and husband? A remark about the cost of a hotel room doesn’t seem like enough of a trigger to uninvite someone to a wedding.A couple absolutely can’t be split up...I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this!

My dtr really does not know him all that well. The only "back story" I am aware of : As our wedding gift, she paid for & oversaw an ice cream sundae bar at our wedding. This was her choice, i didnt ask her to. Of course, we thanked her. Maybe shes upset we atent paying for something (fiance is well off; we are far from it).. I think she is in the Bridezilla phase or something else is bugging her. I will give her some space then reapproach the subject. I appreciate what people have commented so far.

My dtr really does not know him all that well. The only "back story" I am aware of : As our wedding gift, she paid for & oversaw an ice cream sundae bar at our wedding. This was her choice, i didnt ask her to. Of course, we thanked her. Maybe shes upset we atent paying for something (fiance is well off; we are far from it).. I think she is in the Bridezilla phase or something else is bugging her. I will give her some space then reapproach the subject. I appreciate what people have commented so far.

Former MOB, here. Your daughter has no right to expect any financial contributions from you and your husband. It sounds like you are making excuses for her.Lots of people have step parents. I did. If you let your daughter try to control you, you will regret it, I promise you. Wait a few days, and let her wake up and smell the coffee. She doesn't need you to enable her rudeness towards your husband, and it won't help your relationship, either.As for her fiance's wealth? EWwwww!

It sounds like she is bridezilla-ing. Why should your husband show interest in her wedding? Why shouldn't he be concerned about the cost of a hotel room if you two aren't well off (although he didn't need to speak of it in front of her). Regardless, there is no offense here that merits you being uninvited from the wedding - because that is her only option within etiquette, it's both or neither in a couple.

It also sounds like it may be difficult to get her to see this. You should tell her that you love her very much, and are excited for her wedding, but that she cannot ask you to come without your husband, as you presume she would take great offense to her soon-to-be husband being excluded from an invitation to her, especially over such a minor comment and a non-issue. Remain calm, and if she starts to argue, say that you've said your piece and she's free to think about it, and hang up.

I hope your daughter doesn't force it to be like this, but when my late grandmother married for the second time, all three of her children and their spouses boycotted the wedding. $$$ . Under the circumstances, Granny decided to elope with dignity. The marriage lasted 28 years. He adored her!

Leave it for a bit and just ignore it. It seems like she is spinning her wheels a bit.

If the invitation comes to just you, say (very, very calmly), "Daughter, I understand you were upset that H said something about the hotel. I am sure his intention was never to hurt you nor cause a damper on your wedding. If it hurt your feelings, that we are both very sorry. We never want to see you upset and we are both very excited for you. Both H and I will be attending, and are really looking forward to it. We cannot wait to meet Fiance's family. I know this is so hard without Dad. But I know he will be looking down on you and everyone just wants you to be happy. We love you."

It calmly says that you are not playing her game and this is not up for negotiation. It also recognises her complex emotions she could be facing of having her stepdad there without her actual father. She cannot say that he is not invited. Part of me feels like there must be more to this story. Otherwise it is a control issue.

If you just stay calm, genuine and reassuring, she will realise that she is being rude.

I was married last year. Now i am mother of the bride. It is two months away and my dtr just told me she doesnt want my husband there. He remarked about the cost of our hotel room & she took offense. She does not feel like he is interested in her big day. I feel hurt. I know what he said was not appropriate but we all ready have all our travel arrangements made. The wedding is out of state. Btw, her real father is deceased so that is not a factor. I have not met the groom's family. It will be embarassing not having my husband there when everyone is expecting him. This drama and family discord is awful. My dtr just called me last night about this. I am processing it but need to respond. I love my daughter but don't want to damage my new relationship with my husband! Any suggestions or advise would be helpful.

As hard as it might be, you cannot allow your daughter to force you to choose between her and your husband. It is not only wrong, but it sets a terrible precedent for future pouty pity parties whenever her feelings get hurt.

I agree with others that suggest you wait until invitations are mailed out. RSVP with both you and your husband. I cannot imagine she would want to explain why both you and your husband are not in attendance at her wedding.

If your daughter truly "gifted" you an ice cream bar, then it should not factor in to anything. A true gift has NO strings attached. Regardless of her gift, you are under NO obligation to pay for any or all of her wedding. If, for some reason, your daughter made that wrong assumption in her head, then it is sadly another example of her rudeness.

Cancel the reservation at the high-roller hotel and go with one in the area you can afford! My family didn't like our choices of hotel blocks so stayed someplace else instead. Their money, their choice. I suspect there's something else at play with her, like mentioned previously, give it a few days then time for a heart to heart and find out what's really going on. Is it Dad won't be there so she doesn't want anyone in his "spot" at play, or is she just an entitled brat of a bridezilla who doesn't have regard for anyone's feelings than her own. There needs to be a confrontation of the issue at hand, it's a question whether it's an onion peel that needs to take place with finesse and compassion or simply a "WTF - you're being rude and asking me to choose between my daughter and my husband and that's not o.k. on any level and unacceptable behavior!"... You may need to stick to your guns on this one and force her hand after the invitations come out. Unless there's a REAL physical/emotional abuse situation ("you're hotel room is way too freaking expensive for us to afford" is not abuse), breaking up a couple is not o.k.

You should get the message across to your daughter that you and your husband are a package deal. You can try the TLC route that LondonLisa suggested. If that doesn't work, tell her she may invite both or neither of you. You should not allow your daughter to treat your husband rudely.

Did your daughter select your hotel? If your husband was rude (complaining or belligerent) about the cost of the hotel room, he should apologize to your daughter. If he was merely asking if there were less expensive options, then no apology is necessary. That discussion could have waited till you and he were alone.