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I feel stuck with him

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old FemaleWe've been together over three years, and we're going to the same college in the fall. Although we are going to the same college, it is not because of each other....it is because of our major/career choices.

The first year of our relationship, I worked so hard for us that it was ridiculous, and although he did love me, he never tried much or seemed to care. It was like he always put himself first. The second year, he stayed pretty much the same, and I had grown cold and lost my bubbly personality. I was also so stressed out in the history class I had taken so we could be together. In this past third year and few months, I've been depressed, drained, looking at other guys, and feeling the need to find my real "soul mate" instead of being with him forever and remaining miserable. He actually has been trying a little harder, but at times this only disgusts me because I know that's not who he really is.

Now, this seems as if it would be simple to resolve....however, I do love him, and I am VERY sentimental--we were each other's "first" in every way, even holding hands. Every time we've tried to break up, it kills both of us and we give in after no more than three days, but wind up like this again within a week. Sometimes I love him so much it's like it was the first year, and I know I want to marry him. Other times, it disgusts me to be around him, especially intimately: it's like being with my brother. Could you please give us a little advice? I'm sorry this got so lengthy, but it's a pretty complex relationship. Thank you so much.