I have not written in here yet, nor have I added anymore about me. As I have become acquainted with more and more wonderful people on this site, I now feel comfortable enough to write some of the words and thoughts that I hold dear to my heart. You see, life has not always been the best, but now, as I am starting a whole new lease and new chapter in the continuing story of Gayle, I find that life is full of wonders and surprises. I am learning to love myself for the first time and it feels absolutely wonderful. I am learning that it is okay to cry and to laugh and to be who I am and to not worry about repurussions.

I want to help others and want to be there for friends who are needing love and support. Sometimes, it seems, that we as the human race have forgotten compassion and also how important touch is. We were born into this world and were cuddled, coddled, carressed, massaged and touched and loved; i.e., the reason we are here today. Without this in our lives, we seem to lose some of the softness that life can bring us. I, for one, am a rather "touchy" person, but would never offend anyone in the meantime.

I would love to be able to go in to a homeless shelter and hug each and everyone of those people and let them know that they are loved, not only by me (you see, it is easy for me to love my fellow human being) but by a loving God or a higher power, who brought us here to earth to be successful and to give love and receive it in return. Life is too short to not enjoy what we have all around us.

Photography is a huge passion of mine, even if I am only an amateur, but I can see the beauty of a blade of grass growing, or the softeness in the stillness of the snow as it flutters so gently to the ground. I can see the beauty in the prickly cactus and most especially when the rains pour down and causes them to bloom. What an awesome site that is.

Travel is also important to me and is something, at some point in my life that I will do more of. I have had the awesome opportunity to travel all over the United States and have seen so much beauty and have tried to capture as much of that beauty as possible through my photography.

But, my most wonderful love (or, should I say loves) is/are my 5 daughters and my 10 grandchildren and the joy and beauty they bring into my life. I raised them on my own after their father left me many years ago. They are talented, beautiful, loving and kind and have brought much joy into my life. That is not to say that times have always been full of joy and happiness - we definitely had our share of trials, but all-in-all, they are the loves of my life.

I know I have rambled on, but this is the real me, with much more of the "real me" to be revealed in the future, through whatever means are necessary to get me to be healthy once more, both emotionally (most especially) and physically. I will always find the positive in the negative and will always be grateful to a loving God who has stood by me through all of this.

I am also so very grateful for the wonderful friends I have gained on this site and for the encouragement and love that has been shown to me in so many ways. Thank you all so much.

In closing, I would like to add this poem that I wrote a few years back about my five daughters....it reveals even more. Thank you for listening.....Gayle L.

FIVE DAUGHTERS

Five daughtersJerren, Heather, Valerie, Melissa, PamelaBeautiful as can beBorn to a man and womanSo very much in loveWith goals, desires and aspirations for the future

Five daughtersWho would have known there would be five girls?Sweet, Innocent, Pure, Beautiful, SmartFull of love and vitalitySo much the light of the lives of this man and woman

Five daughtersGrowing each and every dayNot knowing what their futures would holdNot knowing the hurt and pain they would have to bearBut, with faith, go from day to day, as children seem to do

Five daughtersStill very small and so innocentShattered by divorce and the missing of a fatherNot knowing or understanding the hurt and painWanting life to be different and less complicated for their small lives

Five daughtersNow, growing up with a mother onlyLife is ever changing; life is difficultLife is not to be understoodBut, once again, with faith five daughters continue day by day

Five daughtersMany moves, many new faces, many new friendsThe innocence is slowly waningThe love that was of a Mom and Dad is the constant question of five daughtersWhere did the love go, Mom and Dad?

Five daughtersLearning to cope with lifeLearning to love a step-momLearning to understand their momLearning that life is not easy

Five daughtersNow, the number is differentHow can that be?Two are chosen to live with DadThree are to stay with MomHow can the Mom and Dad Choose?Such a difficult decision, but one to be made out of necessity

Five daughters

So very sad, so very confusedA mom who loves them and with a broken heart with tears streaming down her faceWatches as two daughters drive away with their DadOne reaches with outstretched arms pleading for this not to happenA dad who loves them and now gets to be part of their livesLife is not easy, choices made for the Five Daughters

Oh, the hurt - Oh, the painFive DaughtersStill questioningGrowing up and starting lives of their ownHigh school years are gone, some collegeBut, the pain and scars are still evident

Five daughtersNow grown and all marriedRaising families of their ownGrandchildren plenty with the beauty and vitality of the Five daughtersThey do make a mom and dad so very proud

Five daughtersStill have questions and still wonder whyRaising beautiful children of their ownStruggling with the life they now haveBut, so very strong and able to survive

Five daughtersLearning to cope with a sometimes irrational, corny and weird mom A mom who has not changed her love for five daughtersFive daughters working at a relationship with a dadWanting to share their lives with himThe correspondence grows with each day

Five daughtersStill hurting so very badAnd, why not?Five daughters question a mom who loves them so very muchAnd not understanding nor knowing who this mom is at timesBut, with love, still stands by their sometimes insecure Mom

One momStruggles with life everydayThe smile comes and goes, yet there is always a deep love for the five daughtersA mom who questions why so many things have happenedKnowing that life is a challenge, but not understanding why so challenging

Oh, the hurt - Oh, the painHow a mom wishes that she could go back and change so many things-The mistakes, the hurts, the pains, the sorrowsTo touch a brow, hold a hand or wipe a tear to help soften the hurt and painIt is not in God’s plan, thoughThe love is non-ending for five daughters

One momSo very grateful and happy for Five daughtersAll beautiful and all so talented and smartThe talents and gifts bestowed upon Five daughters are many and variedGrowing and changing everyday with challenges of their ownYet, all of them making a Mom so very proud

One DadSo very far away, yet so very closeStill he has a love for Five DaughtersWho have made him so very proudWishing he were closer, wishing he knew more and shared moreBut, it was not in the plan

One Mom, one DadNo longer lovers, barely friendsBut, two people who have successfully raised five daughtersFive beautiful daughters with dreams and aspirations of their ownFive beautiful daughters so strong, smart, honest and most of all good parents

How the love has grown over the many yearsFor five daughtersA mom who is so grateful to a loving GodFor His constant and non-ending patience and loveFor a mom who could not have endured it all without A loving, ever-forgiving and kind Heavenly Father

Gayle Leemaster 02-12-01

And, one final picture of 4 of the 10 grandchildren - how fun is this?

Okay, now is the time. After reading and re-reading this profile, it has come time for me to change some of what I say on here. After much soul-searching, reaching into the depths of my heart and soul, I find that I am much more than what is in this profile of me. Oh, yes, I still believe and know that what is in here is truly me, but there is so much more and maybe (maybe not) this is the place to reveal that part of who I am.

Life has had its ups and downs - I would venture to say more ups than downs; however, it seems that the downs seem to always be at the forefront for some reason or another.

As I am finding myself in the throws of a divorce from a very alcoholic man, I find that what has happened throughout my life has always been centered around this type of person. Now, don't get me wrong -- in his own right, he was a good person and had many good points. But (yep, the big "but" word), the alcohol took over and ruined the relationship. In other words, I could not live with it anymore. Is it painful? Well, of course, it is. It is something that causes lots of pain and stress in one's life.

However, as I am reflecting and thinking and wondering if I really want another person in my life, I know without a doubt that I do. And, even above all of that, I believe there is one person out there who is my soul mate. You see, I know that when soul mates meet, there is an instant connection - has to be, or how could you be common souls?

Now, what would I be looking for in that soul mate? Now, that can be the difficult question, since I think quite deeply and am truly a romantic in all ways possible. First of all, the "eyes really are the windows to the soul", so I believe that when I look into his eyes, I will see something that goes right into his heart and soul. Am I realistic? Yes, I think so.

I will know this person, because we will be able to pick up on conversation and carry on an intelligent conversation as well as maybe even have some silly conversations. Humor is very important and I can be an unmerciful tease. I do love to laugh and I love to share that joy with someone who can appreciate it and who can show that they can laugh (and, I mean a belly laugh) at life and at himself, if needed.

I am very spiritual. And, don't get me wrong - not religious. I believe in a higher being/power and I feel that power in my life always. I rely on it to give me peace and tranquility. I would like to find someone who is of the same belief. I believe that soul-mates will be headed in the same direction.

Talking about life-long ambitions and goals and discussing just about anything is another thing that tells me that that person is someone I would want to associate with and share my time with. There is no room for negativity and unhappiness. Life is so short and as the years pass by, they seem to grow even shorter.

It is important that soul-mates support one another in all aspects of their lives, from being appreciative of the other's talents and abilities, looking past the other's shortcomings and learning to treat one another with respect. We are not all alike and all of us have been raised in totally different worlds, especially when they are the age I have become.

Oh my -- here I go, rambling on again.

But, I do love the beauty that surrounds me each and everyday, whether that be in the people I come in contact, the flowers that bloom year round here in Arizona, the sky as it fills with billowy clouds or is clear and fresh and bright and blue, or the grass as it grows and the little critters that crawl on the ground beneath our feet, in the beauty of the color that is all around us and the freshness of the air - the sun and its warmth and the night and moon with the stars and its coolness.

I love being held and caressed and held close as well as doing that in return. Touch is such an important part of our lives and I think we have forgotten how important touch was to us as infants and small children. It still works the same wonders in our lives as we age. I know I like it.

So, I could go on and on. I love to read, crochet, take photography, scrapbook, spend time with family - children and grandchildren, write letters, ride motorcycles, watch the sun set and the moon rise, listen to the babbling brook and the ferocious ocean, smell the flowers and the blossoming trees and the many different odors that surround us daily.

I will keep most of what I put on here originally because it is all so appropriate and true. Like I said, true romantic, true friend, true to life and true to myself. Thanks for reading. Maybe you are the one.

I am a 5' 4" lady with long dark auburn hair with a zest for life and a longing to grow and experience many things. My interests are varied and diverse and include a love of exploring the world (our USA, in particular), reading, photography, writing, but most of all meeting new people. I enjoy art in its many forms - theater, concerts, musicals, museums, and photo galleries. I love life to the fullest and it shows in my sparkling golden brown eyes that seem to dance with delight when I smile. I enjoy the sound of laughter (mine and those I am with, but especially the smile and laughter of a small child). A conversation of intellect with deep meaning that allows people to contemplate and think about what is being talked about is erotically stimulating. Dining in/out, listening to music to include quite a variety of jazz, classical, country, and easy listening; candle light and a sense of romance in the air. Thunderstorms, rainbows, sunshine, the serenity of the quiet falling snowflakes, the drops of rain falling on the roof, the ocean in its majesty as it slams agains the shore or as it calmly warms my soul with it's silent roar make my heart skip a beat and give me immeasurable joy. I am adventurous and know that I will enjoy many things I have yet to experience. I am unbelievably honest, caring, and compassionate; self-reliant, intelligent, attractive, youthful and full of life. I enjoy my own company yet like and desire the company of others. I am not looking to be validated by anyone - I do know who I am and where I am going and have no desire to become a chameleon and to continue to be "me" in all of its splendor and glory.

I drove demolition derby as a young lady as my dad was a stock car driver for 25 years.

My Philosophy

Life is short - enjoy every moment of everyday of your life as if it were your last day on earth

What Gives Me Hope

My children and grandchildren and the dawning of a new day each and every morning when everything is fresh and new.

If I were Mayor, I'd make the world a better place by

Of course, there is always World Peace, but I would see that there would be health insurance to cover everyone so no child, man or woman goes without good medical care.

What/who changed my life and why

Any of Melody Beattie's works - Codpendent No More, Choices, Love Yourself No Matter what - because it has changed my whole outlook on life and that I need to take care of me before I can love or take care of anyone else.

LOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY FRIEND, THIS MUSIC, MUSIC IS UNIVERSAL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE LYRICS, BUT I LOVE IT'S HARMONY AND MUSIC, SORRY I'VE BEEN GONE SO LONG...I'VE MISSED YOU...THANK YOU FOR STAYING IN TOUCH