Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

The best from Political Humor‘s collection of the week’s late night political humor.

Happy Friday.

“A new CNN poll shows that President Obama now has a six-point lead over Mitt Romney. You can tell Romney’s depressed – last night he just sat on his couch and bought the Häagen-Dazs corporation.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Actually, members of Mitt Romney’s own party are starting to criticize him for being too vague. When asked if that bothers him, Romney said, ‘Maybe.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Over the weekend Mitt Romney made an appearance at a NASCAR race in Virginia. There was an awkward moment when he asked a NASCAR driver why he didn’t just hire a chauffeur.” –Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney released another ad that features Hispanic voters speaking in Spanish. The ad ends with him saying, ‘I’m Mitt Romney, and I have no idea what these people are saying.’” –Conan O’Brien

“The conventions were so different. The Democrats finally look like a real political party; the Republicans look like a seminar for how to flip real estate for Jesus.” –Bill Maher

“The Democratic convention looked like the America I see when I walk down the street. The Republican convention looked like ‘Antiques Roadshow.’” –Bill Maher

“Yesterday, Paul Ryan said that he and Mitt Romney won’t reveal their tax plan to the public until after the election. Other politicians couldn’t believe it. They were like, ‘At least do the honorable thing and lie.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Clinton was just devastating in his simplicity. He said, ‘I came from a place where people still thought 2 and 2 was four.’ And over at Fox News they said, ‘Get the fact checkers on that.’” –Bill Maher

“When you look at the two conventions, the speeches at the Democratic convention were just better. Go back and watch Mitt Romney. After seeing Michele Obama speak, and Bill Clinton speak, and the president speak, it’s like watching an armless guy paint with his ass.” –Bill Maher

“Of course, it made the Republicans furious. They said, ‘No fair. Not everyone has an ex-president who can speak.’” –Bill Maher

“The signature question of this presidential campaign is, “Are you better off than you were four years ago?” As a comedian, I have to say no. I miss Bush and Cheney; they were the golden age. I wish they were here. I am not better off.” –Jay Leno

“Mitt, you just keep demanding that Americans answer the question: are you better off than you were four years ago? But just don’t answer it yourself, cause that would mean releasing more than two years of tax returns.” –Stephen Colbert

“We got some bad economic news. The United States has slipped further down the global ranking of the world’s most competitive economies. We’re now #7. Switzerland is number one. Romney said, ‘See, that’s why I keep my money there.’” –Jay Leno