I was Reminded What Anger Felt Like

I don’t feel anger that often. I can count my anger episodes in 1 hand. Sure, I have many episodes of pissed off but those are just minor annoyances and go away after 3 seconds. They are more of a gut reaction than actual anger.

Today reminds me how anger felt like. Anger is not gut reaction, it comes from something tangible. It’s a problem that do no go away after 5 seconds because it’s an issue you feel strongly about and you can’t solve it. Your body is shaking and things go through your head because you try to rationalize why the other party did what he/she did but it makes no sense because what they did is truly stupid and unknowingly affect others in unimaginable ways. The rationale is always ignorance so you know they don’t have any bad intention but the shit they did is so bad that intent doesn’t matter. The ignorance just make it worst because they have zero idea why they are in the wrong and no one can convince them otherwise.

Anger stems from irreparable damage, you are angry because shit is already fucked and you can’t do a single shit about it. The hopelessness is deafening and you tried everything but it won’t go away. That’s legit anger. It’s probably a good emotion to have because it’s a reminder that there are shit that are irreparable and instead of being apathetic, you try to attack it aggressively. Of course, it might all be futile aggressiveness but at least you tried to solve it and who knows, things might not be a irreparable as you thought.

With this episode, now I understand protestors and have a deeper appreciation of successful protests. I won’t go into the detail on what I am angry about but it’s related to how a team mate did something unnecessary and jeopardize the whole social balance and mood of the team. Now all the team mates probably hate him and he doesn’t seem to notice it.