The Best And Worst Of WWE Payback 2014

– If you’d like to read last year’s report, you can do that here. Hey, remember when I got people to fill in for me on pay-per-view reports?

– If you’ve got the Network and haven’t watched the show yet, here’s a direct link. I probably don’t need to include that in the pre-show notes, but I’m still new to how this whole “wrestling network” thing works.

– If you share the column, you’re really helping me out. I try to write something stupid at this part so it doesn’t seem like I’m begging you, but no, if people don’t share the column, I don’t keep having a job that lets me write them. If I never get to say it to your face (a la Alex Riley), thanks.

Please click through for the Best and Worst of WWE WrestleMania 30 Part 3. Sorry, “Payback.”

While true that WWE masterfully handled the inevitable CM Punk chanting in Chicago with Heyman’s brilliance and Stephanie’s zinger, it didn’t actually stop the chants from popping up again later that night.

The main event definitely wasn’t as good compared to the previous Shield vs Evolution outing, but I thought it was fine for what it was and served its purpose well. I feel like the crowd had trouble getting into it because of how many lulls there were to go with the high points during the match’s entirety.
Plus, if I recall correctly the Blackhawks and Kings were also tied up during the match at the same time too, so I’m sure a handful of the crowd were split between staring at their phone updates and watching Batista sweat the blue off of himself.

From my perspective, the reason the main event started with a lackluster reaction was because essentially a third of the crowd was each following a piece of the opening brawl. Watching it on demand when I got back, the cameras seemed to have a rough time following things early on as well.

After that, you’ve got an extensive beatdown on the faces and the literal (LITERAL) murder of Roman Reigns, which isn’t going to pop anyone. I thought the crowd got back into it by the end though.

I went back and looked. She didn’t pee herself. Her dress had a sheer vertical strip that ran down the center of her back and the light reflected differently based on the dress’s orientation in relation to the camera.

My personal fantasy booking for The Rhodes Brothers is to sidestep the obvious Cody Heel turn and have Goldust suddenly get really fucked up and dark (well, as much as he can for PG) all over Cody. Just terrorize and mess with him ruthlessly. You let it build and build for a while with Cody, at first, seeming outmatched and overwhelmed but then getting stronger and more self assured with each new confrontation until he finally defeats Goldust in a mother of a blowout where he comes out looking like a million bucks. And then have Goldie do a promo where he says that it was killing him to see what was happening to his brother’s confidence until he realized that what Cody really needed was a Joker to his Batman, someone to really push him to that next level and get him to stand once and for all on his own two feet. I think it would be a great bit of characterization for Goldust to do something really messed up motivated by nothing but brotherly love. Although the perfect capper for that story would be for it to be the last thing he does before he retires for good, and I’m selfish enough that I want to keep seeing really cool Goldust matches for as long as he can keep giving them to us.

For good or ill I like this idea enough that if by some miracle someone from WWE saw this and liked it I’d be tempted to say I’d sign a waiver to let them use it free. Or at the very least not sue for anything more than a bit of behind the scenes acknowledgement if they just swiped it.

This! This is what I’ve been saying all these years(weeks)! Cody is a good enough heel, but he’s actually the sympathetic one in all of this. He keeps losing, and keeps feeling worse and worse about it. Goldust is beloved because he’s straight dope, but also super good at wrestling. He’s always been a hoss but now he’s a hoss AND a technician. Imagine the heelish possibilities there!

Plus, I’ve been re-watching a lot of Goldust’s 1996 material, and so much of it is sooooo good and pretty damn subversive. His witty and on-point quoting of old Hollywood films is but a small example of how great he is at being a villain.

With the added bonus of him believing he’s “helping” Cody in some twisted, perverse fashion, nothing can go wrong. NOTHING.

But that is taking it out of the context created for the swing. In the context of wrestling, even just WWE, we have seen the swing leave people stumbling. But Sheamus says dicks to continuity and just rolls Cesaro up for the win. That is the issue.

Besides, half the point of the swing is the visual aspect of it when he swings these big fat guys or big muscle-bound men like Tensai or Sheamus respectively.

Also inb4 Sheamus comes out tonight and makes a joke about how he would need a lot of drink to get dizzy because irish

I don’t think I will be able the handle the Shield breakup when it does finally happen. Anything other than “amicable split” will result in indian tears and probably put me off of wrestling for like 6 months

So did Bray Wyatt ever get the upper hand at any point during his feud with Cena? Because Cena went 3 for 3 on PPV, right, and I don’t remember him ever losing on Raw … what was the point of the Wyatt-Cena feud at all?

You mean it’s not obvious that just getting to be in the same ring as SuperCena is the best rub a young talent like Wyatt could get regardless of how many times he loses or how ineffective that makes him look? Well then, you clearly need a refresher course from the John Cena\Vince McMahon School of Building Future Superstars™.

I think the problem Big E and Rusev have with flag waving is that flags just aren’t heavy enough for them. Big E deadlifts, what, 10,000 pounds? I assume Russev is in that ballpark as well. For them, waving flags would be like me waving, I dunno, a plastic bag without opening the open end? But yeah, the ending of their match bugged me a lot more than Sheamus/Cesaro, because they could have so easily done something, anything other than squash Big E and build this into a rivalry. I assume though that Vince McMahon is reveling in the Putin Heat. I honestly believe there’s basically nothing Vince loves more than pushing those patriotism buttons.

I agree, that dress was totally out of place for her. Someone on the live thread last night said she looked like she was going to the AVN awards, and that made a helluva lot more sense than “I’m Bossing People Around At Payback Because I Own This Place”

She’s great at her job, but she needs a good stylist… she wore a see-through dress at the Vegas convention unveiling the network (mainly because her dress was too small and she wasn’t wearing proper underpinnings); she had on a blazer and yoga pants on Raw last week…this is not how a C-level executive should dress, especially when you are a very public figure in a major, publicly traded media company.

Her dress would have fit better last night if she had the proper underpinnings…

Basically, most of her problems will be solved by a trip to the Nordstrom intimate apparel department, and hiring a good stylist.

“LOOK’A ME I LOOK LIKE A NERF GUN”
“god dammit Dave”
“HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP”
“oh my God are you Ernest Hemingway? Can I have your autograph?”
“CAN YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET A BLUE SLEEVE ON THIS INK PEN”

Damn you to hell, Stroud. I was gassed after about 10 minutes of straight laughter from that conversation. Made me look like a chump in front of no one.

Would have liked to see Alicia beat Paige, only because it makes for a better character story from Alicia. Like it’s the story that AJ was supposed to use but only didnt have time or anyone to oppose her properly. Also Paige’s matches dont do anything for me. She seems like she knows what to do but not how to do yet.

Ending of Cena/Wyatt did have a cool visual. However I couldnt get over how Cena works backwards. His first falls went to counts of seven and eight, not even 5 mins into the match, then at the end he just goes super saiyan and murders Wyatt. He did his best to sell Wyatt in the after presser, but would have been better in the ring. Although Bray did look like a million bucks in the match. Just dont know where this story could have gone any better, since it is Cena.

That spear by Big E. I didnt mind that match. And Bo. Bo Dallas is fantastic. Running away only to come back and tell Kofi it’ll all be okay. Put Bo with Evolution as a title holder and you got something.

John Cena = Psyduck. He says the same things over and over, he can’t keep his hands away from his face, and after you beat him down for 5-10 minutes he goes into a zone where he slams the everloving crap out of you til he wins

“#1 Trend Worldwide: #BLUETISTA” was easily the highlight of the show for me. Part of me thinks Batista is doing it intentionally and part of me thinks he pissed off somebody in charge like nuts and they are in the business of perpetually making him look like the King of Moron Mountain.

I’m not sure why you think that in “kayfabe” his character’s motivation is so wrongheaded. In the world they’ve created, he spent like 9 months getting screwed over relentlessly by the authority at every single opportunity.

He finally, FINALLY overcomes that and wins the title, and the next night the authority unleashes their giant fire demon monster at him and the fire demon monster injures him.

Why on earth would he in that scenario say “ya you’re right I can’t wrestle for a bit here have the belt back, I’ll just win it when I come back”, that’s literally the last thought in this world that character should have. Besides the obvious “screw you I’m not giving you what you want” element to it, there’s also the fear that they wouldn’t ever let him get a chance at the belt again.

Granted they could be doing a better job articulating some of this(or Bryan could more specifically), but the way you’ve been skewering him as the “bad guy” in this story I just don’t understand.

Because it’s selfish. This guy’s spent his entire career talking about how much he loves and respects wrestling, and then he wants to keep the belt without being able to defend it in spite of decades of precedent. His boss being mean to him about it shouldn’t overpower his desire to do the right thing. It’s bad timing, but not something he should get a pass on just because we like him.

I tend to agree with your sentiment on this issue. Brandon’s view, while entertaining, I just disagree with. You can’t ignore Stephanie’s actions when you are adjudging Bryan as the bad guy. He’s the anger management guy that had the title unjustly taken from several times. His resistance to Stephanie makes perfect sense. Instead of doing what she has the power to do, she puts his wife’s job in play because SHE is actually the one in the wrong.

The other part of this is that I’m assuming they are just buying Bryan a little time because he’s about to return. Get all involved some extra heat, but not go through stripping him because he’s only going to miss Payback.

But I thought he was gonna be out for at least 3 months, probably more? In any case, I’d still like it best if the championship was just stripped from him, just like it pretty much should if he was going to be out for as long as they’ve announced after the surgery. Then they have a badass tournament to decide the new champion. That guy reigns for months while Bryan is out, then Bryan comes back, gets his title shot, wins again, all is right in the world.

“His boss being mean to him” is putting it rather lightly, Brandon, considering what has happened the last year. Bryan has simply reacted… realistically. Stuff that happened has changed his demeanor. He’s defensive, and why shouldnt he be? Change happens. And Bryan’s has been pretty organic, not to mention subtle.

If you want characters to just stay the same regardless of their storyline, than John Cena is your guy, Brandon.

The other thing is that, clearly (?), most fans don’t want him to surrender the title. Which may be misguided and silly, but there you go. So if the fans don’t want him to surrender the belt so that it can be defended by different wrestlers in A+ matches or whatever, which is the crux of Stephanie’s in-story argument, then that’s that for that particular devil’s advocate argument.

That and everything else mentioned about how taking time off, healing and coming back better than ever means nothing if the Authority is just going to try and re-erect that glass ceiling in the meantime.

1. The stuff about the Sheamus/Cesaro ending kinda highlights what’s so mind-numbing about watching wrestling…even when you hate something, you don’t know where they’re going with it. Even as you’re going “fuck this,” you have to pause to go “well where does this go from here?” Like I totally understand why everyone hated The Streak falling to a guy who basically hasn’t been seen or heard from since but I think it’s AWESOME because it led to months of “MY CLIENT BROCK LESNAR CONQUERED THE UNDERTAKER’S UNDEFEATED STREAK AT WRESTLEMANIA!” So, like, you never know…

2. “Brother to brother, you deserve a better tag team partner” gave me chills. That was totally worth all the not shitting OR getting off the pot.

3. “A hockey match? This is the Bo Dallas that made everybody stand with their backs to him on NXT, man, not the funny one that shows slides of his vacation and hands out cookies.”
Weird, I was thinking the exact opposite. This is pitch perfect Bo Dallas Character. Of course he calls it a “hockey match.” He doesn’t know sports terms. He knows motivational poster quotes.

4. Please let Bo Dallas be the newest member of Evolution Please let Bo Dallas be the newest member of Evolution Please let Bo Dallas be the newest member of Evolution Please let Bo Dallas be the newest member of Evolution Please let Bo Dallas be the newest member of Evolution

5. Does that RVD springboard tornado DDT count as “something new” or has he done it before?

6. This was probably one of the worst produced shows I’ve ever seen. It seemed like the camera guys and/or production truck missed like half of all the good spots or got way too crafty in framing them. What ever happened to framing huge leaping spots from far away to get the whole image instead of trying to execute these awkward fast action shots that just end up being confusing?

7. I’m conflicted about the Cena/Wyatt finish. It WAS a cool visual but I don’t really care that much because John Cena won via PUSHING HEAVY THING ON TOP OF A GUY which is the WORST but it also weirdly makes it seem like he can’t keep Bray down for 10 without GIMMICK. Like think about it, if Bray had won the match the same way Cena did, you’d hate it because it makes Cena look invincible even in defeat. Of course the fact that Cole was all “HOW SMART IS THIS BY CENA?!” kinda negates my premise but whatever. Also, as much as I’m hoping Bray and Cena will go their separate ways, I’m not stoked about Bray getting shuffled back to the midcard after seeing him get some of the coolest showcase moments on Raw for a good, solid three months now.

I will give you what, in my opinion, could have completely turned around the Cena/Wyatt ending while still retaining the canon. Have the ending go exactly as it had, with the exception of Cena collapsed to a knee on the top box with Bray actually struggling to get out. The major issue is that Bray just napped the entire ending while Cena no-sold the match prior.

With Bray actively attempting to get out (though still losing to the 10-count) and Cena barely able to compose himself, BOTH would’ve walked away from an excellent match looking much different. Cena would’ve shown a moment of weakness and Bray would’ve looked stronger than ever while still not getting over the face.

Sheamus not selling the swing doesn’t bother me that much. Not everyone gets dizzy at the same level for the same reasons. Cesaro no-sold an airplane spin on an NXT episode a few months ago, and it made perfect sense. Even without an established pretext, there’s no reason why Sheamus (or anyone random) can’t be able to weather the effects of the swing. Some people just have better equilibrium.

I don’t think the Bryan/Stephanie story is good, but I fail to see how it’s presenting Bryan as selfish or Stephanie as stupid. Everything has followed logically from previous events, I think actually more so than the Bryan/Authority storyline leading up to Wrestlemania. It’s a pretty natural progression:

3) Bryan says that he’s fine with Stephanie *taking* the belts and that he’s okay with fighting for them again.

4) Stephanie, because she’s evil, wants Bryan to surrender the belts because she wants to demoralize him/the fans. How the title is given up is important to all characters involved, not just the end result.

5) Bryan says she’s not going to put that decision on him because she’s an evil liar. Also Stephanie said she was going to hand the title to Kane, which is incredibly capricious. Bryan doesn’t want to be complicit in anything like that.

6) Stephanie threatens Brie’s job to get Bryan to surrender.

7) Brie, who recently became a self-aware being, quits because she’s not going to be used as a bartering chip.

Stephanie is perfectly able to take the title if she wanted. Getting fired isn’t the same as quitting, that’s why Bryan is preferring to be “fired” (ie: have the titles taken) than “quitting” (ie: handing them over). Is this story good? No, it’s pretty dumb, but I fail to see how it is showing Bryan to be selfish or even “in the wrong.”

I agree completely. Stephanie as the owner has the power to strip Bryan of the belts any time she wants. However, she’d rather humiliate him and demoralize his fans by making him relinquish the belts thus proving her right that he’s nothing more than a “B+ Player.” Bryan knows this, and is refusing to be a part of it. Now, the execution of the story has left a lot to be desired, and Bryan has come off more than a little whiny. From a kayfabe standpoint I can’t see how Bryan is being “selfish” or Stephanie is being “stupid.”

Exactly. I totally agree with this being a stupid story that’s badly executed, but I don’t think anyone is acting unreasonably or out of character. Bryan saying “screw you, do your job and take the titles” is actually much more reasonable than his Occupy Raw stunt, for example.

Part of H’s new transformation I credit to Vince finally taking H aside and teaching him he’s not the only star on the show. Vince always ate shit, sometimes literally to sell an angle (Degeneration vs Vince, circa what? 2006).

I like to think Vince finally stepped in and put the kibosh on H’s creative angles of “how about we put me over? and instead taught him how to sell an angle.

I hate to go with “it’s wrestling” for anything, because it feels like the laziest response ever… but I kind of have to as far as the “they should go to jail for assault” talking point whenever it happens. You really can’t bring real world comparisons on law and what constitutes assault into the equation, because it makes everything that happens make even less sense. Shouldn’t every backstage assault lead to an arrest? Why was Stone Cold arrested sometimes when he attacked McMahon and not others? Why isn’t Hulk Hogan going out in handcuffs when he just dragged a manager into the ring and atomic dropped him after the match is over? How is Kane not in prison for life after all the assault with a deadly weapon bits he’s done?

It’s why I’m going to cringe when the inevitable “I’ve filed charges against Brie Bella” thing comes up tonight. The “I’m gonna call the cops” thing is one of the few wrestling bits that just breaks things for me. Sure, he was assaulted alright. But hey, didn’t Randy Orton DDT and sexually assault her once? And Triple H roofied, kidnapped and married her in Vegas without consent? Okay Steph. You go ahead and do that. Clearly you have a good handle on arrestable offenses.

If she’s under contract, dumb wrestling rules apply. If she’s announced as “fired,” there’s no reasonable context for her to still be getting away with wrestler stuff. It devalues the absurd job description of the pro wrestler, I think.

I just had to give you credit for making me cry twice during this article. The first was the mountain dew comment with the announcers choking it down and the second was the bluetista rant. Wow. I am in tears.

For those who think that Stephanie peed herself, I would suggest that a basic anatomy class is in order. If you look closely, you can tell that it is a reflection from the stripe on the dress. Otherwise the implication would be that she kind of pees out her butt and that’s not how those parts work.