What Do We Want to Change?

By Eric Faria

Almost all of us know what we do not want. What we do not like. What hinders our development and well-being. What causes us pain and suffering.

The hard part is knowing what you want. It may be that, even if we do know, it could take us a lifetime trying to achieve what we want without success. One of the most common mistakes is to try to get what you want through the transformation of others. For example, I expected my father to change, to be more understandable, more present and to listen to me when we started a conversation. In other words, I wanted a dad straight out of a Father’s Day commercial – the man that has easy communication with his child, for whom connection comes naturally. After many years, I learned that if I deposited my faith in the actions and decisions of my father, it is possible that I would never have had a chance to see what I desired. Only he can change himself, no one else.

Having said that, I would like you to answer the following questions:

1. What do you wish could be otherwise? (in your family, in your work, in your community, in your country, on the planet.)

2. Does the change that you want depend on anyone else? (For example, if a person wanted to end corruption, could she do it? How many and which people would have to participate for this change to materialize?)

Gandhi said: “Everything changes when a person ceases to repeat the same thing.” This is the great challenge, the more complex one. What a person does is the result of what she thinks. Therefore, it is essential to analyze: why do we think what we think? Why do we act as we do? Why do we live as we live? And above all, are we aware that our doing and our thinking changes completely the functioning of the society in which we live?

It is not enough to wish something into happening. Many revolutions were inspired by a genuine desire for change, and yet, when the political players that sparked them came to power, they ended up repeating the same mistakes of their predecessors.

Yes, there is an effective way to change things: going directly to the causes and not the effects. We would have to change our thinking and acting in order to achieve different results.

Behind every problem we face in life, there is the repetition of misguided actions. If we detect them, it will be much easier to avoid repeating them in the present, and, therefore, assure ourselves that their effect will not take place in the future.

I propose that the planning of this change be divided into three acts. In the first act, you will expose your problem; in the second, you will face it; and in the third, you will present a solution. That is the idea, regardless if the solution reached is a virtual one. The important thing is to find a possible solution to what disturbs you. The answer you obtain will, sooner or later, be reflected on the outside.

(To be continued…)

Eric Faria is an Emotional Intelligence Coach. He has participated in self-development trainings since 2005, using these tools in his professional coaching. He graduated from an International Coach Federation program in January 2014. Eric lives in Connecticut, and in addition to working with private clients, he gives motivational talks. For more information, or to contact him, send an email to eric@ericfaria.com.