Monday, August 5, 2013

VERN, VERN, VERN WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?

In the Native American
communities elders are venerated. They
are looked up to as being wise because of their years.

I have always disagreed with
this premise; believing that if you were stupid when you were young and stupid
when you were middle age you are probably a stupid old person.

I am the absolute proof of
the proposition. You would think after
seventy plus years I would have learned from my mistakes.

During my lifetime I have
sheered bolts in oil pans, engine heads, carburetors, mufflers, and plumbing
fixtures, and just about everything that has threads.

Last year I decided to set
the valves in my motorcycle. My wife
suggested I take it to the dealership and have it done. I informed her that I had set the valves and
timing in bunches of bikes and I was not going to pay someone to do what I was
capable of doing.

The black one is mine. My wife in the jean jacket talking to the secretary of United Bikers of Maine

The job turned out to be
bigger than I thought: I had to remove the seats, the tank some of the wiring
and vacuum hoses just to get access to the heads. I soldiered on removing the heads from a
space barely big enough to admit a wrench.
I set the valves and remounted the heads; but on my last head bolt I
gave it just one more turn.

Yeah – I sheered off the bolt
in the jug. I ended up renting a trailer
and transporting the bike forty miles to a dealer where they were able to
remove the bolt, reset the timing and put the bike back together. It was a hundred dollar fiasco, not counting
the rental of the trailer.

Today I decided to change the
oil in the bike. My wife suggested I
take it down to the local bike shop and have it done. But, I am not going to pay someone to do
what I can do.

The drain plug is located at
a position that you have to lift the front end just to get a wrench on the
bolt. After cursing Honda engineers I got
the front end elevated on some 8x8 lumber and was able to drain the oil and
change the filter. I gave the drain plug
just one more snug turn and felt it give…fearing I may have stripped the threads
in the oil pan I backed it off and snugged it just close, checking there were
no oil leaks. Needing to check the oil
level in the rear differential (the bike is direct drive) I unscrewed the nut –
the oil was fine – and I replaced the filler bolt. Just one more twist to make sure it is tight…
and then swore: Shit, Fire and Molasses – God Damn Flatheaded Bastard…

The new bolt is costing me
$25.00 with the O-ring, plus $10.00 shipping.

Provided there are no leaks
this season; next year I will have the local bike shop change the oil and act
surprised when they have to retap the threads on the oil pan.

Meanwhile, I have found that
the brake light switch on the foot brake is not working and needs
replacing. And I am not going to pay
someone to do what I can easily do.

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