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The Australian Tax Office has announced an alarming rise in the
incidence of identity takeover, which sees well-heeled thugs
electronically stealing other people's identities for the purpose
of tax evasion. Thanks to this innovation, many innocent taxpayers
have been hauled up to field such embarrassing questions as how one
can afford to run a racing stable on a storeman's salary, or why
one's mistress's Porsche Cayenne is registered as a commercial
vehicle. Yet the knowledge that one's identity has been stolen
provides comfort for those who think they have mislaid their
identity somewhere, in the laundry basket perhaps, or the
supermarket car park. It may also explain why so many people sense
that something is missing in their lives, a malaise commonly
ascribed to mindless consumerism.

Retailers can rest easy. Mindless consumerism is innocent. The
identities of your customers are being stolen in the depths of
cyberspace, where every keystroke is monitored by criminals seeking
a tax break, or worse. The proof is right there in your in-box,
where the good names of honest taxpayers are daily being stolen and
besmirched.

I happen to know Ms Foreshortening. I have taken high tea with
her. She is a maiden lady of slender means, whose carnal interests
are restricted to the successful breeding of bichon frises. Ms
Foreshortening is a pillar of the community, and I can state with
conviction that she is no pedlar of smut.

How many other innocents have been so maligned, and what can
they do about it? Legal recourse is expensive and the queues are
long. Modern non-invasive therapies are available, though there is
no certainty that identity replacement will be covered by Medicare
for much longer, because the Federal Government threatens to
classify it as a cosmetic procedure. Many long-suffering victims of
identity fraud will be reduced to purchasing quack remedies online.
Some may even be obliged to manufacture extremely unlikely
identities for themselves.