crazyweavershttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com
My days in the AsylumThu, 24 May 2018 07:23:22 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://s0.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.pngcrazyweavershttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com
My Darling Little Girlhttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/my-darling-little-girl/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/my-darling-little-girl/#respondSun, 21 Oct 2012 03:34:47 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/?p=3Well my cute as button daughter started soccer this Fall. I signed her up as a way for her to start learning about teamwork. I have now decided I should have signed her up for anger management instead.

Her first game went well considering she is only three. She stayed on the field for most of the game and didn’t lay down in the middle of the field until the last five minutes. The second game she stayed a little longer and showed what growing up with an older brother teaches you. One of the boys on the opposing team thought she would be an easy mark and tried to plow her down while kicking the ball. She stood her ground and he, in shock, fell on his rump. This of course made her Dad and I very proud. However this should have been a warning.

Our third game this morning started much the same as the previous two. At about halftime, there seemed to be an altercation between her and a little boy on the other side. Some trash talk was exchanged and she gave chase. Unaware of the tiff, we thought it was cute since they were both laughing. However she failed to catch him and proceeded to walk calmly over to a little girl on the team and push her down. As we sat in shock and bewilderment one of our coaches went over, took her by the hand and explained that we don’t push the other players. Well this embarrassed our little darling and she immediately broke into hysterics, ran off the field and hid her head under daddy’s shirt.

It took us about ten minutes and many a “calm down” to learn that her reason was she “just wanted to”. It took another five minutes for her to apologize to the little girl, who by that time had completely forgot it ever happened. She was still to embarrassed to continue playing, so we made a deal that it she went back out and kicked the ball one time in the five minutes remaining she could still have playground time. Finding this acceptable she went back out and when the ball came to her, kicked it, then turned around and walked back to daddy stating “I kicked it”.

So, we learned today that if our daughter continues in team sports, we may be seeing a lot of penalties thrown her way and when negotiating we may need a mediator.

]]>https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/my-darling-little-girl/feed/0crazyweaversJust a Girl Thinghttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/07/29/just-a-girl-thing/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/07/29/just-a-girl-thing/#commentsSun, 29 Jul 2012 23:09:31 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/?p=261Being a female comes with all sorts of frills and pains, but what confuses my husband and son the most is our “strange” food habits. He use to think that I was just strange but after witnessing our daughter do the same exact things, he has come to realize that it’s “just a girl thing”.

I have introduced my daughter to some really great things: such as dark chocolate and a big spoonful of peanut butter for a late night snack. This has always baffled my hubby but after hearing my daughter request this over a Popsicle many times he just goes with it. There is also our technique of peeling or taking apart foods that men just don’t. This includes kitkats which are always better eaten layer by layer, oreo’s that must be eaten cream first cookie wafers sometimes not at all, the soft portion of garlic bread hollowed out of the crust and of course pizza is cheese first. But now he has learned to regret his choice of letting my 3yr. old daughter have one of my annual birthday/Christmas/Mother’s Day/Valentine gift Godiva dark chocolate truffles. She now expects him to bring her the same at birthdays, Christmas and any other minor holidays. If he does not remember he is met with a trembling lip and alligator tears which spur him to leave immediately and rectify the mistake.

He now knows that there are “just girl things” and yes, it’s important not to upset the wife by forgetting or making fun of these times but NEVER to tease or God forbid, forget the daughter’s dark chocolate.

]]>https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/07/29/just-a-girl-thing/feed/1crazyweaversEight Legged Freakshttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/eight-legged-freaks-21/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/eight-legged-freaks-21/#respondWed, 04 Jul 2012 00:55:31 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/eight-legged-freaks-21/I had to raise my creep out meter to a new high recently. A new creepy crawly has surpassed a long time leader; The Tree Frog (aka Green Demons). Now this is not the cute little green frogs, I’m referring to the massive four inch beasts that feel like you’ve just been hit by a Mack truck when they land on you. These guys have been on the top since I was a kid and had one jump on my back as I went to the bathroom. Imagine having to perform sweeps of the bathroom before you took a shower or went potty. The big green demons used to swim up our toilet pipes and hide out just under the lid for optimum views of me screaming my head off, running in circles. Even worse, was when you missed one and were later ambushed, naked, in the shower.

So, it has to be something truly evil to usurp the “Green Demons” . I introduce the new winners; “Eight Legged Freaks”. Living in Florida. we like most families have an in-ground pool. Our pool goes from three feet to eight feet and I am often skimming toads off the top that have fallen into the chlorine death trap. However lately as the weather has become hotter every day, I am noticing an increase of spiders in the pool. Why? Who knows, you think they would be smarter than toads. THEY ARE. These spiders are not dead, they are ALIVE and HUGE. Sitting at the bottom with an average circumference of five inches they plot my demise. These arachnids sit and wait for my net to scoop them up, raise them out of the water and jump towards my face. The fact that they sit for hours on the bottom without crawling their way up to freedom, just for giggles at the damage they cause my psyche, prove they are evil. Honestly, how can they do that?

I believe the squirrels must have recruited them since they have not been able to cause me enough torment recently.

]]>https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/eight-legged-freaks-21/feed/0crazyweaversRaising The Next Carnyhttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/raising-the-next-carny/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/raising-the-next-carny/#respondThu, 28 Jun 2012 02:07:35 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/?p=206My son has once again been grounded. This of course is nothing new, the boy will never be able to play poker without losing his a@# every time. He cannot even attempt a lie without showing a tell.

The major reason for punishment this, time? Climbing over the second floor loft’s half wall and scaling down the side to the first floor. Now, he has been caught performing this particular stunt before (age 5) and we thought it had sunk in that this may not be beneficial to his physical health. We were wrong.

I am now wondering if he is in training for a future career as the next “Human Fly”. This incident brings the count to five death-defying acts of climbing the walls. His first was at the ripe old age of four, when I caught him six logs up the outside of our log home. Next, later the same year, after he watched a kid climbing a rock wall on TV. Our two-story shell rock fireplace seemed perfect in his opinion.

At least I don’t have to worry about our three year daughter following in his footsteps. She still refuses to go down the slide any other way but feet first on her belly. No, with her, I worry that she might perfect her powers of male manipulation before I can warn the world.

]]>https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/raising-the-next-carny/feed/0crazyweaversThe Random Thoughthttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/the-random-thought/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/the-random-thought/#respondFri, 08 Jun 2012 18:40:41 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/?p=204You know what you never see? Baby squirrels. I know their out there but you never see them running after their parents on a tree branch. Personally, I hate the rat bastards and I know the feeling is mutual due to their continued assault on my person. I know you’re thinking I’m nuts, and normally I’m the first to confirm that your correct, but my husband has even witnessed those tree rats dropping stuff on my head while I’m weeding flower beds.

This random thought about squirrel babies popped into head after listening to a report that scientists now have the ability to know if your baby will have any genetic mutations pretty much after conception so you can make the choice to abort. Why the squirrels? I don’t know. I even scare myself at times with the thoughts that just come out of nowhere. All I do know is, that you shouldn’t mess with nature, she is the original bitch. Who’s to say we don’t need to gain or lose a few things in our make-up in order to adapt. They already know that for some reason American’s heads have been growing larger than our European counterparts over the last few decades. Maybe we are destined to become living bobble heads.

]]>https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/the-random-thought/feed/0crazyweaversHalf-A#@https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/half-a/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/half-a/#respondMon, 21 May 2012 13:07:20 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/?p=197So. my son has wanted to go camping for years asking his Dad over and over again. My husband in his childhood years did the hunting and fishing thing every weekend but as he turned older he developed what I refer to as his “Princess and the Pea” syndrome. Due to this, we will not be going the traditional route of tent and bag. No, we now have a RV that has all the comforts of home. Fortunately my son thinks this is wonderful so he doesn’t see the loss of bug bites, sweat covered nights with a rock in your back and we cannot forget the trip to the bushes. However I can’t begrudge the hubby on his half-a@# effort to “camp”, I too, have my moments.

The RV experience has occupied our weekends lately and going to different camping stores to make the trip more comfortable for the hubby has opened my eyes to my own half-a@# hobby of surviving the zombies. Now, I’m not one of those fanatics that have the shelter and enough food and water to survive underground for 10 years. If you happen to be one of those I’m sure you’ll be laughing at all of our decaying corpses, so no offense. I do look at things like growing your own food, living off the land, basic stuff like that and now thanks to camping stores, cooking with only a stick and foil. I mean Holy Cow have you seen what all you can cook by just using foil over a campfire? It’s amazing. I’m embarrassed to say that I bought the cookbook and you may laugh but I’m secure in knowing that I can whip up a fancy chicken dinner using my handy-dandy foil and remember when dinner is done it doubles as headgear so the aliens don’t fry your brains.

]]>https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/half-a/feed/0crazyweaversSometimes It’s Better Not To Knowhttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/sometimes-its-better-not-to-know-4/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/sometimes-its-better-not-to-know-4/#respondWed, 02 May 2012 22:24:14 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/sometimes-its-better-not-to-know-4/I just finished reading two articles that frankly disturb me. The first was regarding the 5000 year old ice man found between Austria and Italy some years ago. This poor guy’s body has been studied and dissected numerous times over the years. I understand all the knowledge his scientists have learned is beneficial blah, blah, blah. But honestly do you think that poor guy would like knowing that people in the future would find out he ate deer meat and bread for his last meal and died of an arrow wound to the shoulder. Maybe he shot himself by accident or he and his buddies were playing arrow roulette and he didn’t run fast enough. Imagine if you died of being a dumba@# and not only do you know but now the whole world does too. I only hope if I die stupid, I’ll be the only one who knows, EVER.

The second article that makes me cringe is the scientific discovery that all blue-eyed people may be related. EEGADS!! My husband has blue-eyes and I as well until my late teens. I know, weird, but my eyes changed from a gray-blue to a gray-green. I like to think now it was in preparation for this discovery so I wouldn’t creep myself out thinking about being married to a distant cousin. I might have to listen to bad jokes about the South and inbreeding but I sure as hell don’t want to learn they might be true.

]]>https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/sometimes-its-better-not-to-know-4/feed/0crazyweaversThe Boogerhttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/the-booger-13/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/the-booger-13/#respondMon, 30 Apr 2012 18:37:08 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/the-booger-13/I know those with kids will probably know exactly where I’m ranting from regarding those boogers that you can never get rid of.

On a recent grocery shopping excursion with my 3yr. old daughter she blessed me with the sight of her dislodging a pea-sized booger from her nose. Now, I have told my children repeatedly that doing this, especially in front of me, is quite gross. They in turn, think it’s hilarious to chase me through the house with one of these on their fingers.

Now I can handle just about anything. After working in health-care and preforming tests on anything that can come out of a human body I always had no issues except one. Even then, I could not stand any type of nasal or bronchial specimen.

So imagine my horror at seeing The Great Green Boogie on her finger while an evil little grin spread across her face chanting “I have a boogie”. Of course I had only one wet wipe left in my purse at the time and my daughter is holding her prize up for everyone to see. I give her the wipe, tell her to get rid of it and think the deed is done. WRONG. I found the boogie today as I was putting yesterday’s clothes in the wash. It was placed on the back of my shirt, probably during one of my daughter’s “sweet” little hugs received before we left the grocery store.

Knowing that I carried this disgusting little thing around with me all afternoon let’s me know that all the times I embarrassed and grossed my own mother out growing up are coming back to bite me in the A$#. So as Mother’s Day approaches remember all those awful things you did and the next time you think the old lady has gone around the bend, that really, can you blame her?

]]>https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/the-booger-13/feed/0crazyweaversCreating a Survivorhttps://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/creating-a-survivor/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/creating-a-survivor/#respondThu, 26 Apr 2012 22:03:31 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/creating-a-survivor/Since I married my husband over 10 years ago I have made huge progress with him. He shocked me in the beginning of our marriage when we bought our first house together. I wanted to re-paint some rooms and he suggested we hire painters. WHAT?? PAINTERS? No way was I going to waste money on people doing something I learned to do before I was 12.

Of course I grew up in a town and a family that basically considered every child a new member of the work force. I learned to paint, wallpaper, tile , mow, do laundry, check oil, etc… all before my 18th birthday. My friends growing up, all knew how to do the same things, and those whose family owned land learned also how to build fence, vaccinate livestock, herd cattle, clip horns etc… So imagine my shock at the suggestion we hire people for things I’ve done since grade school.

He has also made leaps in the culinary tastes of my southern heritage. He now can no longer eat anything without a liberal dose of hot sauce and no longer turns his nose up at deep fried, heavy carb concoctions that arrive at my family gatherings.

So now when I hear him saying things like “I can fix it” or “this needs tobasco” I know that after the Zombie Apocalypse he may just make it. So for all of those who grew up learning at an early age that the more fried something is the better it will taste and how to build awesome forts complete with finishing touches. Know that we have a better than average shot of making it and if we can’t out run them, all that greasy food we’ve eaten will probably make us really yummy!

]]>https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/creating-a-survivor/feed/0crazyweaversOf An Age…https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/of-an-age-10/
https://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/of-an-age-10/#respondTue, 24 Apr 2012 12:59:36 +0000http://crazyweavers.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/of-an-age-10/My son has come to an age (and attitude) that makes me want to wring his neck on a daily basis. He feels that he has accumulated a vast array of knowledge that surpasses that of an average person like myself. During a recent spelling review of the word LEAPT I was told I was pronouncing it wrong. “It is actually pronounced LEAPED Mom” my son informed me. This was of course after I was told earlier that I was using the word HOLE wrong in a sentence and that was why he spelled it as WHOLE. My sentence: The rabbit went down a hole.

So, after he corrected me on LEAPT, I asked him “Who do you think has been saying this word longer and knows how to spell it? Me or You?”. And this is where I really wanted to scream; he actually sat back and THOUGHT about it before grudgingly admitting “You”. AAGGHH!!!!! So I trudge on today knowing that I’m considered less of an imbecile than yesterday by my 7 year old.

Looking back at my own childhood I realize it will only get worse from here, so eventually I will probably turn into the drooling, nervous eye twitching, babbling idiot my son already thinks I am. At least I got that to look forward to.