Birth 2.0

Word on the street is that first-time moms are nervous about giving birth because they don’t know what to expect, and second-time moms are equally as nervous because they DO know what to expect!

After my water broke with Mazen…waiting for contractions to start with acupuncture

I am reaching the point of pregnancy where I am starting to realize that my baby is going to have to come out one way or another. It’s kind of a paralyzing feeling because there is no easy way out. I felt a heel or knee the other day – some kind of limb – from the outside and it was HUGE! (I also know that when I am *hopefully* 39.9 weeks along I will laugh that I thought the limb I felt at the end of the second trimester was “huge.”)

VIDEOS

I would say in general I am much less nervous about labor this time around. That is partly because I know what to expect (although this birth could go in a completely different direction, I am aware.) But also because I am convinced that it will be shorter and easier than Mazen’s birth. Of the many second-birth stories I have heard/read, very few births (if any) were longer/harder than the older siblings’. (Third babies, on the other hand, seem to be a wild card!) In fact, quite a few of the second-birth stories I’ve heard have happened in almost alarming short periods of time, from 2-3 hours from first contraction to birth, and in “I barely made it to the hospital” style. That’s not to say that there aren’t tons of second-timer stories out there to prove me wrong, but of the people I know and have talked to, many of the second births took what seems like half the time of the first (while just as intense, as it always will be.) At the very least I am hoping this belief might act as a placebo effect to work in my favor to move things along quickly!

I hoped to have a drug-free, natural birth with Mazen, and that is my plan for this baby as well.

So would I go drug free again? I don’t know. A day later I was telling people no. A week later….as I write this story….I think maybe. 3 years from now? I might have the courage to try it again. My number one goal for going drug-free was just to experience what womankind has gone through for ages. That goal has now been achieved. Maybe next time I’ll get an epidural and have one of those A Baby Story labors where the women sleep until they are 10 cm and push with a smile on their faces. But the good news is that I don’t have to choose now or even with my next pregnancy. I will have until I’m in the moment of labor to decide, and if my next labor is anything like this one, I’m guessing I just don’t even think about an epidural as an option. It felt so off limits to me – not because I wouldn’t “give in” but because I didn’t even know how to ask for one, who to call or how it all worked. If I didn’t have time to fix my pony tail, how was I to focus on getting pain relief? It was almost easier just to keep doing what I was doing.

I most definitely have some kind of amnesia about the pain because when I think back to what was hard about Mazen’s birth, I think about throwing up, or how the tub water got cold, or about the loud growling sound that came from my mouth, but I don’t really think about how it felt. I remember an intense all-consuming pain just above my pubic bone and how out of it I was, but I almost look forward to feeling that again. Isn’t that kind of odd? It has to be a hormonal reaction.

When things started to get real…

I am still terrified of long needles. And catheters. And slowing labor down. And feeling out of control of my own body. So epidurals are still a scary option for me. I’ve done natural birth before – I haven’t had an epidural before. So if we’re weighing them equally, I’d rather go down the path I have gone down before.

I did spend some time on a forum reading about 100 posts from people who had had both kinds of birth: drug free and epidural. While there were definitely people who said their epidural was a dream, an overwhelming majority of the people who had had both preferred the drug-free delivery for a variety of reasons – the epidural hurt, it didn’t work properly, they had epidural side effects like terrible headaches, they got more of a natural rush from the drug-free birth, they liked feeling their bodies in the drug-free birth, the recovery was easier, etc. Reading about these women’s experiences having had both options, I’m still not really interested in an epidural.

There are only two ways you could convince me to go into labor wanting one:

If I just had to take a pill or snap a finger aka there was no needle, no catheter, but the pain would go away. Duh, I’d choose pain free. (I know there are people who say “I couldn’t feel the needle at all!” But there are others who say you can and it was bad, and I have to assume I’d end up with one of those experiences.)

If you could guarantee that I would have a lovely, smiley, pain-free birth that went complication free for both me and the baby. I could tolerate a needle/numbness for that.

But obviously those two things are not possible. To me going drug free again, especially since I am really hoping for a shorter birth, is the easy choice. My whole family thinks I’m a little crazy for wanting to go natural again, Thomas included, but I just have to do what makes me feel most comfortable.

I do feel the need to state that I’m talking about healthy baby, healthy mama scenarios here. That is the most important thing for every mom approaching birth. If I need a medicated induction, pitocin, or a C-section for any reason that relates to the baby’s safety, all of my fears and choices go out the window. But as long as I have a choice, I’m planning to go into this birth with the same plan as last time: husband, doula, natural.

We have arranged for a doula again, although she’s a different one from last time. Jen wasn’t available, and I’ve become friends with our new doula, Betsy, through the gym. She was a childbirth educator for many years, and we’ll be meeting with her once or twice this summer at home so Thomas can learn a bit more about labor and delivery. (I can’t wait to make him squeeze the ice cube to simulate contraction coping!) There is a small chance she might miss our birth because her daughter is pregnant and due a few weeks after me, and if that happens we will put our trust in the wonderful nurses at Martha Jefferson.

Baby Mazey!

In terms of contraction coping, one thing I want to focus on changing this time around is my attitude towards the contractions. Last time they were 90 seconds each, back to back, and I had no break in between. I did a LOT of moaning, yelling, growling – all the loud noises. I do think a certain amount of that was uncontrollable, but I would like to try to relax through them a bit more instead of tensing up so much. I think tensing led me to accidentally pushing, which led to the cervical lip swelling, which probably made my birth a little longer and harder than it could have been. This time I want to try to make my body a ragdoll and really relax into each contraction so they can do their job. (Easier said than done, right?!) But I don’t want everyone in the room to think I’m not feeling anything or not experiencing a tremendous amount of intensity. I’d like for my support team to ask me how I’m feeling on a scale of 1-10 so I can communicate in a short answer like “a 9!!!!” without needing to yell to let them know it hurts. Does that make sense? Again this might all go out the window the second I have my first strong contraction, but it’s something I have been pondering.

I’m also not planning to do any acupuncture this time (unless I am facing a medicated induction the next day), because I think that’s what caused my water to break first, which is not the ideal order of things in terms of pain and pressure! (So I have heard based on personal experiences.)

It always makes me cringe a little when I see/hear that people just want healthy babies. Obviously that’s the case. But for those of us who didn’t have healthy babies it makes us seem like failures. Are our children less than because they aren’t healthy? No, I don’t believe that. No one hope’s for an unhealthy child, but lots of people get them and love them just the same.

I don’t think anyone would disagree with you and of course you’d love them just the same! My point (and I think anyone else who says “a healthy baby is the goal”) is you wouldn’t want to put your own preferences for birth in front of your baby’s health so that you are the CAUSE of the unhealthy outcome. Like refusing an emergency c-section that a doctor is recommending because you are anti c-section. Obviously there are many things out of our control when it comes to babies’ health.

I had an epidural with my first when I was 9-10 centimeters. I still felt a good amount of the birth and pushing. I just had my second a month ago and was able to go drug free, which was my goal! I labored at home until I was fully dilated (we live next door to the hospital), and delivered my son 30 minutes after we arrived. I also felt like I tensed up through contractions the first time, so it was my goal to relax in this labor. My coping mechanism was to wiggle my fingers and toes as well as loosen my jaw; I found if I as doing those things, it wasn’t possible to tense up the rest of my body. I also breathed a lot and repeated “open” and “it’s okay” to myself (sometimes out loud!) to remind myself that the pain is normal and not indicative of something wrong. My first labor was 28 hours, my second was 8 hours, which felt so quick!! I pushed for almost 3 hours with my first, and only 15 min with my second. With my first, i felt like the epidural masked the urge to push, and i didn’t push as effectively as a result. You can totally do it. You’ll be great. BEST of luck!!

I just gave birth for the first time this past February. I also went into labor with a doula and my husband, confident I would go drug free. While no one likes pain, I was nervous that too many interventions would slow things down or cause other complications. And then I had back labor. And then I had a 30+ hour early labor. I was home for all this and couldn’t sleep or rest. By the time I was FINALLY 4 cm and admitted to the hospital I was SO exhausted and my body was tense all over. I labored naturally at the hospital for another 5 hours or so, but couldn’t get beyond 4 cm. When my doula whispered,” You may want to consider an epidural,” I practically ran to page the nurse. Long story short: the epidural was what my body needed to relax. I started dilating a cm and hour and ended up having a great birthday experience. O e distinction is that I was already in labor, so no pitocin was needed to “jump start” things. I couldn’t feel the needle at all. Just wanted to provide a super chill, low key epidural story for you. ?

I definitely think when labor drags on over a day and you are exhausted the epidural stories really seem to be the best choice. If I’m in labor for a really long time, that’s a time when I probably would opt for one. Mazen was 8 hours from first contraction to birth, so I’m hoping this one is short. I am SO GLAD I have already had one baby. I look at first time moms now with more fear than I did when I was one!

This is almost exactly my experience. No back labor, but VERY LONG, and the epidural relaxed my body and let it finish dilating and let me rest enough to push.

Kath, I wish you a wonderful experience, but I think you’re overthinking it all. That primal growling and yelling happens for a reason. Believe me, I am THE LAST person anyone would have expected to scream during labor, but holy hell, did I! Also, I’m not sure what you mean about water breaking leading to more pain and pressure … isn’t this another example of something you can’t control?

Oh I definitely expect to do the primal stuff again because it did feel quite uncontrollable the first time, but I’m just setting myself up mentally to focus on relaxing more instead of tensing.

And I think the acupuncture I had made my water break. We’ll never know, but if we do assume that, then I “made” my water break first. So I’m just saying I’m going to use acupuncture as a last resort before induction this time instead of thinking it’s helping me along.

I’m due with my second child on August 5th and cannot wait for he/she to arrive! I’m so uncomfortable at this point I just want the baby out! I’m definitely less nervous this time around since I know what to expect. I had an epidural and it was wonderful. I don’t remember it hurting too bad-I just remember sitting up and bending over and saying “ouch” and starting to sit up a little when they put the needle in and that was all the pain I felt. It really wasn’t that bad. Then it was instant relief and I could finally rest and relax until it was time to push. At one point the nurse said my contraction was so strong it was going off the monitor thing and I was like “oh really how interesting” as I couldn’t feel any pain! I could still feel to push though and pushing took 1 hour 40 mins as she was stuck on my pubic bone so I was really happy to have it! My low back was sore when I got into and out of bed for about two days after (like I had a black and blue bruise) where the epidural went in but that was it. Definitely getting another one this time!

Awe you are going to do great. With eli I went natural till 8.5 cm, I was so nauseated and throwing up that they gave me some nausea meds. When the pain for bad to the point of not being able to handle the nausea and pain we did some pain meds only because baby was starting to stress and had to have a heart rate monitor. Then when I woke up the contraction were so intense I couldn’t take it so we did the epidural and thank god we did. He was 9.5lbs

With William I got it pretty early and I kind of regret it. It made my blood pressure lower so much to the point of them stabbing me in the legs 3 times to make it go back up. I had to have tons of bumps in the pain meds because I was still in quite a bit of pain. By the time he came the epidural had fully wore off and it was painful. But not as bad as my first.

William came out in 3 pushes. When I was ready the nurse said push and said stop I see eye balls. Lol. We had to wait for the doc. 2 pushes later he was out.

So second is much faster delivery as far as coming out. I got induced at 10pm and he wasn’t born till the next day at 2:30pm. Eli induced at 8am was born at 7pm.

So it can be a 50/50 shot thing. With eli I got the epidural since he was in distress- was walking right after. But super sick after too.

William different story- no nausea after, and walking. I actually felt great but we had the issue with blood pressure and they did miss the first time and had to do it again. No pain as far as the epidural getting placed but the shot before is pretty intense

I think that is all a good attitude towards natural birth, while being forgiving to yourself! I just have birth to our first on the 15th and had plans for an unmedicated birth— I made it to 19 hours of natural labor, 5 cm and 80% effaced and my water broke on its own. At that point my contractions were still irregular, I was exhausted and tensing up and not progressing so epidural and pitocin it was. He was born 11 hours later. I really beat myself up when I gave in to the epidural but it helped me be more effective at pushing later that day and I don’t regret experiencing a bit of both worlds. Whatever works!

I went drug free all three times. My labors are FAST and INTENSE. I’d choose drug free a fourth time even after a very painful birth at my third. My first two births were like heaven. My sister has had 4 births and attempted drug free three of the four times (the second was an er csection at 32 weeks) and her body stalls when she hits 8 cm every single time. She has to get the epidural to get it moving along again. 48+ hour labors for all three vaginal deliveries. Birth and experiences are so very different for everyone you have to do what you and your dr feel is the healthiest best option for you in the moment. I will say relax, don’t stress over how big the needle is (you can ask them not to show you), if it’ll hurt etc. Go in knowing you are going to make the best choices for a healthy baby and momma. A friend of mine delivered her baby drug free and then had to get an epidural to fix some issues. You just never know what is going to happen. Cannot wait to hear how it goes the second time.

Hi i went natural due to not wanting any side effects on my baby and i was very happy I did and i would go natural again in a heartbeat. Question you ate tuna ? i was told not to eat tuna my entire pregnancy and did not,i was curious that you are eating tuna. I also gave up all fragrances ( in dish soap body soap and detergent etc.) because they are endocrine disruptors and have never gone back. Good luck you are cruising thru i am sure you will be happy with your decision for your birth plan for Baby B

Yay I am so excited for you. I wrote something similar for Claire’s birth story, that I believed I was too loud and tense during Henry’s birth and it slowed it down. So I would definitely agree that is a wise game plan.

During both of my labors I found the energy it took to make a lot of noise actually took away from the energy I had to make it through the contractions. Doing that silly Lamaze puff breathing with my mouth helped. I love those wiggling fingers idea, and have another suggestion to add. Pursing your lips and blowing air through them like a horse sound helped to prevent me from tensing up during each contraction. I swear it helps ease the pain too! The horse lip movement/noise plus swaying my hips side to side during a contraction really helped.

My first born, my son, I had no pain meds. But I did have Pitocin and it was back labor. Ouch!! 😛

With my daughter I had back labor again and decided to get the epidural once I got to 6 cm. I didn’t want to get it too early and slow my progress. I remember saying, “I am just not in the mood for this!” Haha. I kept thinking of my son at home, and my sister was there and I just felt like I couldn’t focus and I didn’t WANT to do it again without pain meds. How amazing to have a choice!

The hardest part was definitely sitting up and being still through contractions while it was being administered. I honestly don’t remember if I felt the needle or not because I was already in so much pain.

Afterward, only one of my legs was completely numb but I still could move them around a bit which was wonderful. I was not paralyzed or anything of the sort. I also did not have a catheter inserted.

My husband and I watched comedy videos, and laughed gleefully at seeing the huge contractions on the monitor that I was not feeling! 😀 Magic!

When it was time to push, I still felt pressure that helped me know when to push, and 4 contractions later my beautiful daughter was born.

Having gone through it both ways, I definitely do not regret my “natural” birth. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I am proud of it. But I am also proud of my birth with the epidural. I would recommend though, waiting until at least 5-6 cm before getting one, as that really lessens the risk that the epidural will stop progress.

The beautiful thing is that we have so many choices in labor. And we just never know what our brains/bodies will be telling us. Being open minded and accepting of any outcome is so important. <3 Sounds like you are doing fantastic in deciding what to do and hey, if there is a healthy baby and momma at the end, yay for that. 🙂

THIS! “But I don’t want everyone in the room to think I’m not feeling anything or not experiencing a tremendous amount of intensity.” I am due in 3 weeks, first timer, and plan on receiving that epidural. NO voluntary pain for me – I’d love to go natural but my threshold for pain is super low, and I hate needles! I am actually scared of the catheter most. BUT I have this exact thought!! I want to stay home for as long as possible, with hopes to receive the epidural at 5 cm. I feel like this now though – I complain a lot I think because how else would my husband know that this is hard!! WHY do we feel like this! I want to breathe and relax, but I have a feeling when the time comes it will be hard to not describe all the pain.

Haha yes! Like if I smile and relax my way through, everyone will think it was just soooooo easy. But really it might be just as bad for me in the inside as last time minus the yelling! If you are scared of the pain of labor, I highly recommend watching some of my Ina May Gaskin’s You Tube videos. She talks a lot about the relationship between fear and pain and how more fear = more pain. So the more you can rationalize that this is normal, natural, and a good thing happening to you, you might literally have less pain. A good mantra!

Hey Lisa! Just wanted to pop in to say that I had an epidural but no catheter. I was induced so maybe that was why? Anyway, I had nitrous oxide (ask if your hospital does this; it’s pretty much standard) that I used for breathing during the epidural placement. The nitrous definitely helped my anxiety, and the epidural didn’t hurt at all. I had an amazing birth with almost no pain and did not tear at all. My opinion is that learning to breastfeed/getting no sleep is so rough that I might as well make the labor process as easy as possible.

Congratulations on Baby #2! It sounds like you have a great attitude going into your next birth experience. I wanted to point out that for some people an epidural can actually speed things up if administered at the right time. I ended up with an emergency C-section with my first child. I stalled out at 4-5 cm around hour 36 of labor. My midwife encouraged me to get an epidural at that point so that I could rest for the pushing phase. Determined to have a “natural” birth, I refused, but 4 hours later she convinced me it was the right thing to do. Within an hour of receiving it, my body relaxed and dilated to 9.5 cm but unfortunately during those 5 hours I also developed a really serious and scary complication. My life was in danger and we could not wait for that last half cm. I was rushed into the operating room for an emergency C-section. My complication involved a platelet issue making the recovery from the C-section absolutely brutal. It took me a long time to get over the fact that if I had listened to my midwife at hour 33 and gotten the epidural, I most likely would have had a vaginal birth. For baby #2 both my midwife and high risk OB really wanted me to have a VBAC to avoid any unnecessary bleeding from surgery. Because of the previous experience, we were all hopeful that an epidural might actually be helpful for me if administered at the right time. Around hour 20 of labor, this time having been stalled at 5cm for many hours, I received an epidural and baby was out via VBAC 90 min later. I had the same complication as with pregnancy #1 but this time around we had the luxury of time on our side. I wanted to share this in case there are readers out there who feel shamed for choosing some sort of intervention. Medical intervention was what enabled to me to have a “natural” (wish we could lose that term!) birth and I’m so grateful for the experience. The best birth is a safe birth and if a repeat C-section had turned out to be the safest route for me, I hope I would have felt the same sense of gratitude. Best of luck. Looking forward to hearing your birth story!

That’s so scary! I do think if I am in active labor for 24 hours (or whatever feels like a long time!) an epidural would be the right choice for me too. Mazen’s birth was about 8 hours from start to finish of contractions, so I didn’t get to that point, but length is on my list of reasons why I would opt to have one.

I read and used the book Mind Over Labor by Carl Jones. It helped me tremendously through both of my drug free labors. It focuses on breathing and visualization during labor and it’s really worked for me. First labor was over 48 hours long and all back labor. My second was quick as a wink but very intense. I highly recommend this book and have given copies to pregnant friends and family.

You go girl! I gave birth naturally a few weeks ago and I swear by listening to the Hypnobabies meditations in the weeks leading up to giving birth. I was able to handle everything so much better than I expected! I definitely recommend.

How exciting! I can’t wait to see pics of the new little guy when he arrives!

I went into labor with the same expectations as you…natural, drug-free. At 14 hours in, I tapped out and got the epidural. It was a big decision for me as I felt like I was failing in some way. Fast forward an hour and I was like a new person! Pushing was the easy part! If we have a second, I’d like to try a drug-free labor with the hopes that it will be shorter. We shall see!

I was open minded going into labor. I wanted to try a natural birth but wasn’t married to the idea. Well 5 hours of pitocin and back to back contractions later I asked (begged) for an epidural. It was the best decision for me. I did not feel the needle and had no complications. The epidural blocked pain but I could still move my legs and feel each contraction so I knew when to push. I recovered pretty well and was ready to leave the hospital a day early. Best of luck with Baby 2!

If I have to have pitocin for whatever reason, I will probably get an epidural! I’ve heard it’s baaaaad. And my mind can no longer justify the “this is natural” mentality, so I would want equal help with pain relief. So pitocin is definitely on my epidural list.

I had misoprostol/cytotek during my otherwise “natural” labor, because I went into preterm labor and didn’t realize my water had broken for 12+ hours (it was a slow leak so it wasn’t obvious!) I was really averse to any kind of intervention, but I also REALLY didn’t want a c-section, so I agreed when they suggested the misoprostol to try and jump start things since my water had already broken and I was “on the clock” – I was 4cm dilated when I arrived at the hospital, but wasn’t feeling any contractions yet. I had the misoprostol at around 10pm, and still didn’t feel any contractions until about 12am-1am when I started to feel light cramping. Then those suckers came FAST and STRONG, and I barely even remember anything until I delivered my daughter in 2 pushes, just past 3am. I have no idea if anyone even asked me if I wanted an epidural during that time! So – while I wonder if the drugs made the contractions stronger, everything went soooooo quickly that I really can’t complain! It was super intense, but literally less than 2 hours from first strong contraction to delivery (and 6 hours from when I walked into the hospital, feeling fine!).

I would also very strongly recommend the Bradley method (I can’t remember if you did this was M), even just reading the book although the classes are amazing. One of their big focuses (along with good exercise and nutrition during pregnancy!) is deep relaxation during contractions and there’s all kinds of exercises you work on with your partner, which is an awesome way to get your partner involved during the birth.

With my 1st, my water broke but labor didn’t start so I was on Pitocin. I was trying for a drug-free birth and held out as long as I could. By the time I asked for the epidural I was in such intense, constant pain that it was hard to hold still for them to place it. They did a great job! Wish I would have gotten it sooner.
I could still feel what was happening during labor, though certainly needed help rolling over, etc.
Best wishes to you!

I delivered my third drug-free in January after 2 epidural births. My first time around I had wanted to try drug free. However, the first birth was long…. I labored for almost 24 hours with little progression (but lots of pain) before even getting to the hospital, then another 12-18 hrs before baby girl was born so I was just completely spent. The epidural needed to be re-inserted several times, I ultimately needed pitocin and I pushed for about 40 minutes (not all that long for a first birth but much longer than my next two). All in all, it was still a great birth with no complications, but I do think I had some ongoing back issues from the epidural (although the more I read this time around about women’s pelvic health, it may have been more related to unresolved pelvic floor issues, diastasis, etc… hard to tell. I’ve been focusing much more on rehab of those areas after baby #3). Baby #2 was sort of that dream scenario you described. Labor was incredibly quick. I got the epidural after laboring for about 2 hours, it was easy, expertly inserted and worked like a complete charm. A bit later (we just snoozed, chatted, etc…) I was fully dilated, pushed once, and baby girl was out. I felt nothing. The third time around I did a significant amount of research and really wanted to go drug free, in part because the mild back pain that I attributed to past epidurals and in part because I knew it was probably my last baby and I wanted to see what it was like. I had an amazing doula who made the whole thing possible (my husband had only ever known epidural births, so it was a big change for him even though he had seen the pain of the early stages of labor previously). It was hard, really hard, even though it was a quick labor, again with one push – in fact I didn’t even realize I was pushing and the midwife from my practice who was on call didn’t even make it. I went from 6 cm to pushing in under 20 min – it was actually a bit scary how fast it happened. Like you, afterwards I thought there was no way I’d do it again. As time passes, I’m super proud of myself, my baby girl, and my whole team who helped (although I think my husband has a mild case of PTSD!) and I do think I’d do it again if we had a 4th. I wouldn’t say my recovery was significantly different between the two, though I know people do say that.

Im a fellow boy mama (3!) & I identified with the part of your post that said there’s no easy way out with birth, that there are trade offs either way. My first two babes were med-free, planned home births and for my third, I wanted to experience the totally opposite, so I went hospital/epidural. If you wait like I did until you’re dilated to an 8/9, you’ll be in such pain that you won’t feel the epidural needle at all and there’s wont be time to cath you, either! 😉 I will say, the relief the epidural brought for the last 10 minutes of my third birth was incredible. In the end, I’m glad to have experienced it both ways. Good luck with this second babe. You’ve got this!

So exciting 🙂 As nervous as I was for my first baby birth experience, it was also this feel of an amazing adventure ahead. It’s equally scary and exciting!

In my own experience, I had an epidural with each of my two babies, 3 years apart. I could not feel the needle at all either time, and both worked effectively and made for a very calm birth experience. I had a much easier recovery with my second birth, but I chalk that up to not having had an episiotomy the second time around. With my first baby, they made my husband leave the room for the epidural, which I thought was fairly standard? But with my second, they just had him put on the gloves and silly hat and let me hold his hands while it happened. Both times I was nervous because I was expecting at least a little pinch or something, but I really didn’t feel it. The weirdest part was just having jell-o legs for a few hours post-delivery! And the catheter was nothing, I literally never felt or saw it, I was so focused on the new baby.

So excited for you! I had two homebirths. The first was 29 hours and I pushed for 3 of those. Penelope was born 4 days past her EDD and was 9lb 5oz. Our next babe was 12 days “late”. I knew each day she cooked she was just getting bigger and bigger and I also knew I grow big babies! I got badly bit by a dog in the hand at 38 weeks and I think that really set my body back. I had to heal mentally and physically so I could labor and have the waterbirth I wanted! I was checked for the first time 9 days past due date and was close to 5cm. We knew it would be fast, but Lucy’s birth exceeded expectations! I was checked on Friday morning. Saturday night I was like I think it’s happening tonight…we should probably set up the tub. Lol. I started paying attention to contractions at midnight. By 1am it was serious. And Lucy Lou was born at 4:35am weighing 10lb 10oz. 3.5 hour labor! Crazy! Our bodies are amazing. And now we prepare to celebrate Lucy’s first birthday in August. I can’t believe it. You got this, girl!

Wow incredible story! And I think you are right about the dog bite. On the one hand babies come when they come, but I do think mom’s mentality plays a part! You needed things to be safe for her arrival.

I chose to have an epidural with both my sons’ births. However, they never fully worked and I felt the “ring of fire” with both. Looking back, I wish I would have tried drug free since my body didn’t seem to respond well to the epidural. Thankfully, I only pushed for 30 mins with my first and 10 with my second…if only I knew! 🙂 It was nice after my second birth to have feeling in my legs and be able to move around.

Women should absolutely do what they wish in terms of how they birth. With that being said, I had 2 fabulous epidurals & pushed both times with a smile on my face. Yes, I feel incredibly lucky. But, epidurals can be completely painless & really beneficial, if you need some relief. I also did not feel either of my epidurals going in. They numb you first. I had them turn my epidural down the second time & loved it because I was a bit more in control.

I’ve had about every birth experience imaginable ; my first ended in a c-section for fetal distress. My second delivery was a vbac and a relatively typical hospital delivery with an epidural outside of the special circumstance of being a vbac. My third was definitely the wildcard- baby was born in the car on the way to the hospital 2 hours from the time labor started! My fourth, while less dramatic, was equally as quick, and was also about 2 hours in duration and all natural- we made it to the hospital that time though! So after all that, which would I choose to repeat? The all natural deliveries! While intense in the moment, recovery was exponentially faster, even over the epidural delivery, which I didn’t have any issues with.

I had an epidural with both of my children. It didn’t hurt either time. Maybe because I didn’t get it until later in labor, when the contractions were so terrible…? A needle is sort of welcome relief at a point. Ha! It didn’t take with my first and I had a terrible delivery (for several reasons – not just the non-working epidural) and pretty rough PPD afterwards. I’ve read some research since that shows an association between natural birth and PPD. So, maybe that had something to do with my bad first experience? Or, maybe it was just the stress of her being my first, her coming early, a long, painful induction, not being able to successfully breastfeed – who knows? Either way, with my son, I was committed to making things easier on myself however I could. Mine are only 16 months apart and I knew life was going to be chaotic for a while. That meant starting by making L&D as easy as possible with an epidural, not forcing myself to breastfeed if it wasn’t working, etc. With all of my reasonable expectations, I had an amazing delivery. I went into labor naturally at 2a, got to the hospital and admitted just as the contractions were really picking up, fought staff for a quick epidural and little man was there by 6a. Perfectly healthy. Breastfeeding wasn’t working again so, instead of starving him for weeks the way I did my daughter and making myself miserable pumping every 3 hours round the clock through my maternity leave, I quit. He’ll be a year in September and he’s (so far) healthy, happy, and a much easier baby than my daughter. I also adjusted back to work so much easier the second time. I think because I just went easy on myself. All that to say, I found the second go-round so much easier. You’ll do great! Just give yourself some grace.

For many personal reasons, I elected to have a C-section with my daughter. Overall it honestly was a total piece of cake – the recovery, everything. So I’m just speaking on the epidural aspect since that’s what you seem apprehensive about. Now, I’m not sure what the administration of an epidural is like for mamas delivering vaginally (other that what I’ve seen on TV), but that was my least favorite part of the whole experience. It didn’t really hurt but was just a super weird feeling when the needle went in. My nurse was SO great coaching me through it. Because I was in the OR, I sat on side of the operating table and basically put my arms over her shoulders and leaned into her a little (kind of like how you slow dance in 7th grade LOL) while the anesthesiologist administered the epidural. Being in that position and having her coach me was soothing so it wasn’t too bad. I did have some residual numbing in one of my hands – can’t remember which one now! -for about 2 weeks. That was annoying but not terrible.

You sound like you have a healthy perspective on it all. You are emotionally, mentally and physically prepared, and have a great support system, and you will do great no matter what happens. :*

Epidurals both times and my labors were 6 and 7 hours. My second would have been shorter but we were waiting on the doctor who was stuck in traffic! LOL…the nurse said that would not have been possible if I were going natural and she would have delivered her herself. I have no needle fear though….I think labor pains hurt so bad the needle is nothing in comparison. But you do you. 🙂

I had an epidural with my first and it wasn’t the best experience. Better than what I was feeling because they were fast and hard contractions but it only “worked” on one side of me which was really weird and painful. From the time my water broke/first contraction at home to having him was 6 hours so it was pretty fast and intense for a first child. I was also worried that my second would come much quicker than the first and that wasn’t going to leave me with much time. He decided to throw all my plans out the window though when I learned he was breach at 37w5d. I ended up having contractions the following day and my doctor just wanted to “check me” since she was at the hospital on call. Wouldn’t you know that little boy of mine had plans of his own to come out that day. I tried an ECV first to flip him. It was one of the most painful things in my life and I almost passed out. Way worse than the birth of my first or any contractions I had ever had. They work for some people but not me and my big boy who didn’t have much amniotic fluid or room to spin. I ended up with a c-section a few hours later which was totally different experience. I actually found it was an easier recovery than my vaginal birth for a multitude of reasons (I had slept the night before and my first bruised my tailbone with his big noggin). I think our bodies do amazing things when giving birth. You will know what’s right when it is time. Good luck!

I went medication-free both times. My first experience it hurt like crazy and seemed to drag on. My main reason for choosing to go medication-free the second time around was to “change the story” and experience a birth like I had always imagined. My first time around I felt so out of control and remember very little. My second time I knew what to expect, my husband knew what I needed from him, and it honestly went exactly as I had always dreamed. And now both kids have their own unique birth story 🙂 Here is a link to the post where I compare them. http://www.healthyfamilydefined.com/birth-stories-compared/

I think your approach sounds really level-headed and well thought out. I tried so hard to let the contractions just take over me but I think that was the hardest thing to do. I was in so much pain that I kept unintentionally tensing up. I honestly didn’t know how to “let go” and let them take over me. To be fair, my labor was 75 hours so sometimes I think if it would have only been say, 24 or 48 hours maybe I could have.

I really love your thought process and reasoning behind your options! I think because it’s YOUR body you should be allowed to try what works best for you mentally and physically. I’ve never had a baby but I am speechless when I read about unmedicated birth stories because it just sounds pretty brutal. I think women shouldn’t feel threatened because they desire something different with their birth or are just not interested in unmedicated births. I hope the best for the rest of your pregnancy and birth and will be excited to read the post about it (if you choose to write one!). <3

So exciting! I just had my second girl a few months ago. With my first, I labored at home through the night, got to the hospital at 5 cm, got my epidural and had a texbook delivery. I was planning for a medicated birth with my second, but I had one of those got-to-the-hospital-too-late-you-are-having-this-baby-NOW experiences. Honestly, I am so happy with the way it worked out. Yes, it was incredibly painful, but I was so present for the birth and I do feel like my recovery was much better. It all happened really quickly, but I credit breathing (trying to relax – again, easier said than done!) and a supportive husband with getting through the pain of the contractions. I feel like once I was fully dilated, my body just took over and knew what it was doing. Our bodies are truly amazing!
Whatever ends up happening- medicated, unmedicated, natural, c-section – be proud of what your body can do (and is doing right now!). You got this, momma!

Both of my boys (4 & 2) were born at home, naturally. I would never do it any other way. Luckily, I had my midwife and family’s support, but some friends and co-workers definitely think I’m crazy. I just can’t see why not!?! Snuggling up in our own bed from the second they are born is something I will never give up.
Best wishes for your second birth, no matter the way it happens.

My first was 10 days late and the day before I had him I went in for another ultrasound where they told me he was 10 lbs. That’s when it all hit me. He had to come out one way or another…omg! I had never been in a hospital before, never broke a bone, nothing. I was induced the next day but ended up with a c-section, which was a blessing I guess because he was breech when they took him out. I had two more c-sections after that. Sometimes I feel bad that I didn’t deliver vaginally, much less naturally, but I guess that was MY journey. I have three healthy kids in the end.
I will say that I didn’t want to hear about anyone else’s birth stories while I was pregnant.

I’ve had both, an epidural with my first and drug-free with my second. I’m in the drug free was SO much better camp, the quickness, the recovery, not having the extreme bladder damage I had from my catheter the first time… I’d never go back unless it was medically necessary.

Hi! I love reading all these different birth stories! I originally HAD the epidural for Ava’s birth but ended up delivering without it still being in effect…the whole birth plan changed because I couldn’t feel myself pushing!! The option was continue trying to push with the epidural and use Forceps to get her out, OR let the epidural wear off so I could feel my body push with the contractions naturally. The epidural being administered was nothing compared to going from relatively pain free to having it wear off during the final stages of labor and pushing! I don’t remember the needle part being painful at all actually. So, in a weird way – I had both experiences in one birth…I loved the epidural, I was relaxed, had visitors, and I think even took a nap during one point! However, the epidural didn’t work in my favor when it was time to get ready for pushing, and I didn’t want to risk the forceps hurting the baby (or me!) The natural birth was pretty grueling and undoubtedly the most exhaustive & painful thing my body has and ever will go through, but looking back I ended up being overall glad I got to experience her delivery naturally. Everyone is different, and sometimes things don’t go as planned with medicated birth – and I would be torn whether or not to go natural or do the epidural again too!

OOOoooo how exciting for you! I think Mazen is going to be such a fun age to be a big brother!

I had two induced births, about two years apart. Both had heart rate issues during labor due to having the cord wrapped around their necks, but we didn’t know that at the time. Both in the 99% for head size! I’m the person that is going to tell you about their crazy second birth.

With my first son I was induced at 41w5d for being late and I had been planning an unmedicated birth, the labor lasted about 7 hours and I was able to make it sans epidural but it was rough. I remember telling my husband I didn’t want to have another unmedicated birth if it was going to be an induction…can you call it unmedicated with pitocin?

By the time I was having my second son, I thought forgoing an epidural would be a good plan again. This guy had to be induced unexpectedly because my blood pressure was high at my 39 week appointment, I had to go straight from the drs appointment to the hospital (no bag packed, oops!). The pitocin did its job, I was able to manage the pain, everything was on track for me to be in labor for 7 hours again – however he was posterior and I was stuck at 8 centimeters for an additional 5 hours.

They kept on trying to manually turn his head which is when I realized not having an epidural wasn’t going to last much longer. 12 hours was about all I could manage. Once I got one (it felt amazing by the way!) he still wasn’t budging… they were afraid to up the pitocin with his heart rate dropping every contraction. I was at 9 cm for another 4 hours. Finally they spiked the pitocin to see if I could get to 10, his heart rate dropped and I was rushed into the OR for an emergency C-section. As they were refilling the epidural to numb me for surgery, his heart rate returned to normal and I hit 10 cm and they told me to push! I couldn’t feel a thing (mind you this is not normal epidural strength, this is c-section epidural strength) but managed to somehow (?) push him out within about 20 minutes. So I had him vaginally on the operating table!

I liked the feeling of pushing with my first baby because I had more control and could feel that I was making progress, but I found I recovered much better the second time around with the epidural. Good luck to you! I hope you have a healthy, manageable birth!! You got this!

^^ In my opinion, no! If I need pitocin for an induction (and that’s assuming I’ve tried acupuncture and cervadil or something similar) I think I would be totally open to an epidural because it’s no longer my body that’s in charge.

I had two drug free births and happily chose an epidural with my third. The procedure was no big deal. It didn’t work to take away all the pain, but it was reduced by 50% during transition compared to my natural births—which was awesome. I told my husband that I was over trying to be “superwoman” with my third and just wanted to relax and enjoy labor and have a “Baby Story” style birth where the husband and wife joke and watch movies during labor.

I felt the same level of “euphoria” after birth and it was no big deal to wait an hour to get up and walk around.

This is awesome. I don’t know if I’d go natural again – The pain is still too vivid a memory. 😉 But you can totally do it! And I am one of those typical faster 2nd births. With my first, I had 1-2 minute contractions every 2-5 minutes for about 30 hours before I was too exhausted to function and asked for an epidural. I was terrified, but honestly the pain of the needle was nothing compared to the contractions – I don’t even remember it. And then I slept and woke up ready to go. I ended up being in labor for 48 hours, with 4 hours of pushing. With my second, my water broke early in the morning, but then real labor didn’t start for about 12 more hours. Once I started having contractions I could feel, it was about 4 hours start to finish, with only about 3 or 4 pushes. And I did it completely natural. Wowza. I shook and cried for about 30 minutes after from the rush of hormones and emotion. My husband had to ask our doula if I was okay -haha!

With both births, my doula had me relax my jaw and let out low moans with each contraction, to help me stay relaxed and not tense up. Loosening your jaw helps loosen everything else. And she had me visualize a flower – my favorite one – slowly opening up as a way, again, to help me relax and to help my cervix open. Maybe that could help you too?

My first birth was eight hours from start to finish. I had a bit of gas and air but no epidural. The first stage was really quick so by the time I even thought about pain relief, I was too far gone.

My second was a prem baby born at 25 weeks. I had some stomach cramps so popped into the maternity unit to check everything was ok where they discovered I was fully dilated and ready to deliver! So my second drug free birth. After a long hospital stay she is now a perfectly healthy 5 year old.

I think your thoughts and expectations all sound pretty realistic. Good luck Kath!

I had my first (and so far only) child last March and was lucky to have the drug-free, low-intervention birth with a doula that I had desired. I, too, had a lot of the moaning and groaning throughout my 23-hour labor, but doula helped me relax my facial muscles, then my neck and shoulder muscles, and remind me to make the sounds from deep within my chest and not high up in my throat (it’s hard to explain unless you try to make those sounds out loud!). The deep groaning helps almost in the same way deep yoga breathing helps you hold poses – it helps activate and engage your core and use your body’s strength to get through contractions.

My grandmother has had 9 pregnancies and 10 kids (one set of twins!) and was the biggest inspiration for me when I was preparing my birth plan. She told me to NOT go into your labor with the thought that the word “pain” even exists in your vocabulary. Labor is not pain, it is pressure. Intense pressure, for sure, but not pain. This was the single thought that got me through my intense med-free labor so maybe it will help you too. My grandma has a PhD in psychology so I trusted her way of tricking my brain into getting through that “fight or flight” mode that kicks in with baby coming! If you have the right mindset going in, it can help a lot.

So so so agree with you on the psychology of it all!! I watched some of Ina May Gaskin’s videos and she talks about the hormones and how fear = pain and it’s a very modern thing to fear birth. In many cultures (and in animals!) they just feel and deliver.

I had 4 vaginal deliveries of pretty good-sized babies (smallest at 3.5 weeks early was 8 pounds – largest was 9 lb 9 oz), and I had epidurals with all of them. They worked to varying degrees, but for none of them did the needle hurt any more than the pain of an iv or an injection. I could walk pretty soon after all of my deliveries and had no complications. I was also able to rest some during mid-labor, which made things easier when I got to the tough part and afterwards. All of my babies came out very alert and were able to nurse right away.

I had pitocin with 3 of my 4 deliveries, and I would highly recommend considering an epidural if you have pitocin. It really amps up the contractions.

Lastly, 2nd and subsequent labors are different, and so is your life after giving birth. With my first I lazed around on the couch and nursed/held him 24/7 for a couple of weeks. He and I were both able to recover and rest. When I had #s 2,3, and 4, the others were there wanting attention and needing me. I was glad that with the help of the epidural I had been able to rest some during labor.

In the end, it is your decision, with the consultation of your doctor and doula, and you have to do what feels right for you.

I had un-medicated births with my first two and I am planning it with my third. I will warn you that you will remember the pain of pushing when it is time to push but at that time there is basically no turning back so you go with it. To help relax during contractions I always lean over a birthing/yoga ball. It is the very first thing I grab when I feel my contractions start. They help me to stay completely relaxed the entire time. Good Luck and I know you can do it!

Hi Kath,
I loved this post. I’m due in 5 weeks, were using a Doula and I plan on a natural birth. I, too, am terrified of needles and catheters and really don’t want to go that route. My mom went natural with all three of us so that gives me strength.However I get very annoyed at all these poeple telling me “why are you trying to be a hero” “you can’t imagine how painful it is” etc. This post was refreshing and reassuring for me. Thank you

It annoys me when people say the “why are you trying to be a hero” or “no one gets a medal” thing too because neither of those are reasons I’d opt for drug-free. The number one reason I want to go drug-free is because I am scared of needles, hospitals, interventions, etc. No medal for me either way!

My advice would be have a plan but also an open mind with baby and mommy safety top priority!
I had csection 10 years ago for twins one of them was breach. Now have a 3month old baby, wich I had planned for a vbac and everything was green light until 39weeks and no progress, made decision to have csection, and glad we did cuase it turns out baby was breach!
I am sad I will not get to experience natural birth or labor but trying to remind myself I did what was best for safe baby and mommy and I have 3 beautiful kids! I have earned my scar and it’s a part of me and a reminder of the life I gave birth to!
I WISH YOU THE BEST!
?

4 baby Mama here! Each labor has been shorter than the previous. 10 hrs, then 5, then 4, then 2. I have done 1 with an epidural at 4cm, 1 drug free with a sunny side up baby (ouch!), 1 water broke which led to pitocin (ugh) and epidural at 9.5 cm, and the last one drug free and fast. I think the attitude you have going in to it is important because pain management is so much mental! Can’t wait to hear your story when the time comes!

I had two natural births! And like you i REALly Ted to feel what labour was all about! And I wanted to know my own stenght. And I didn’t feel comfortable not being in touch with my body. I did remember the last two weeks of my seconds brith about he ‘discomfort’ from pushing. But she came in 90 minutes contraction to on my chest. And seriously I didn’t have time to think about it. It was to time from the first contraction. With my first,I had 18 hours from beginning to end. And both natural. Both I wasn’t able to move and grunt and no things hanging off my body to make me feel like I wasn’t ‘sick’. AND man that rush! Those hormones work, man! And I loved the joy after. Side note, being able to feel it all I was able to go at the pace that my body and my baby needed to go. And I agree with you on the noise making. My first I yelled and used a lot of energy that I could have put towards the contractions. My midwife suggested the second time (same group of ladies) that I Channel that into strength. And I did that. I used the pain to move along and concentrate and I felt good doing that. You’re a strong ass women. Whatever happens you’re going to rock it! Proud of you msytic momma!

Long time reader but I don’t often comment. Congrats on your upcoming baby! No advice here, but what worked for me was a lot of open-mindedness and flexibility (well, as much as I could muster!) because I was thrown some curveballs. Both deliveries were 2 day long inductions, starting with an external version (turning breech baby) to 48 hours of pitocin and as many interventions possible short of c-section.

I would encourage everyone to avoid using “natural birth” for unmedicated labor. Mine was medicated but felt pretty natural! It can feel divisive to mark some as ‘natural’ and others not just for use of medication. Just a thought!

Hi Kath! I have done it both ways, epidural for the first and unmedicated for my second. For me personally, I very much preferred my unmedicated delivery. The epidural is terrifying for me and I only had it the first time because I wasn’t at all prepared for my long induction. ( I was induced both times due to complications). I just liked that I could move around and work with baby instead of lying in a bed just hoping and waiting the baby would come out. Congratulations on your new boy and I am crossing my fingers it goes faster for you this time (it did for me!)

My first was 16 hours in a military hospital. I wanted natural with no interventions but if I’m honest I didn’t prepare for it in any way. It would be like wanting to run a marathon so you just show up at the starting line without training at all. Odds of completing the marathon: 1/1000. I got an epidural due to pitocin augmentation, which slowed baby’s heartrate and caused all sorts of interventions and a threat of a C-section. Luckily I was able to push him out in time, but they were basically prepping the O.R. at that time. I hated the whole ordeal and determined that my next would be different.
2 years later I had my 2nd son at home. We lived 5 min from the hospital so I knew that if anything bad happened we could get there quickly. I didn’t intend to actually deliver at home, the plan was to labor 80% of the way. But…wouldn’t ya know…labor went super fast when I wasn’t being poked, prodded, inspected, threatened and isolated. I was able to eat, drink, bathe, groan, sway, walk. Complete freedom. And as someone who really enjoys autonomy and control, it was exactly what I needed. Husband caught him and we did chest-to-chest right away. He was a champion nurser and much more awake than my firstborn due to not having the sleepy drugs. You can do it!! Have the birth YOU want!

Kath, I can totally relate to your childbirth thoughts and agree completely, but my story is the opposite. I had an epidural with my first, and it was definantly the right decision at the time based on my mindset. I was so uncomfortable I didn’t even realize or care about the epidural process. My husband and I had as a relaxing time watching basketball until I painlessly pushed the baby out. With my second, I was handling the contractions well but wanted the epidural before it was “too late.” I was totally disturbed by the needle, got itchy, and had a panic attack as I felt the meds spread through my body. After the delivery, I thought to myself “I could have done it without the epidural.” So for my third I went natural! It was difficult during transition (I was for sure yelling and moaning), but I was and am so happy I had the natural birth experience!

I had epidural with my first child and natural with my second child ~ the recovery with the epidural was much harder ~ legs were shaking, needed a catheter ~ second child was natural and born in 30 minutes once they broke my water ~ felt so much better after with no side effects ~ good luck to you Kath! Once it’s all starts to happen you just roll with it!

Oh boy, my second drug-free childbirth was definitely longer than my first. However, my baby boy was 10 lbs and I didn’t know that until he was born. I remember saying to my husband, “I’m getting weary.” In saying all that…I’d do it again. Having gone through it the first time, I knew what to expect and that helped tremendously. Good luck your second go around!!

I’ve been a reader since the early, early years yet this is my first comment. I had two boys, three years apart. Very different labors–first one a marathon 36 hours and the second a speedy 4 hours. Rather than epidurals I was offered intrathecals (just a shot in the back–easy and quick) and had 3 the first labor and 1 the second labor. I really liked them. I could feel everything happening but without the most intense pain, and was an “active participant.” I was able to get up, walk, move, use the restroom, etc. I had no side effects either short or long term. I didn’t go into either labor with grand plans of any sort–other than to deliver a baby we couldn’t wait to meet! I figured women have been doing this for centuries and I just trusted my OB, doula, and the excellent staff, along with my wonderful husband. The birth experience is very individual and everyone is “right” no matter the choices made–the miracle of birth is just that, a miracle.

My two sons are now 22 and 19 and I cherish every memory of their births (even the toughest parts). At the same time, there is so, so much more to come, as you know. Enjoy every minute of labor, birth, and the wonderful future you all will share. Congratulations and best wishes to you, Thomas and dear Mazen!

I went drug-free with both of mine. Pretty much for the reason you did – terrified of the needle and the recovery! I will say I was lucky and even my first birth was under 3 hours from the time my water broke. My second was slightly longer but he was bigger 🙂 Now I’m pregnant with my third (eek!) and I keep reading that it’s a wild card too! My plan was always to go drug free simply for the recovery but knowing that if there are complications or things go much longer as planned, I’ll get an epidural and not be upset about it.

Out of my four pregnancies, the first was natural and the other three were c-sections. I do agree that the natural rush after the natural birth is amazing and you don’t get that with c-sections. I am one of those women who never felt the needle for the epidural and no effects from it.

I think you have the perfect plan and if you can do a natural birth again, go for it. In the end, it’s the best way to go. I think you can do it. 🙂 But, if for any reason you can’t, please don’t worry about the epidural or needles. After having three of them myself, it’s not what you think and you shouldn’t worry.

When the time comes, I fully expect to hear that you had this little guy quickly and naturally. You got this. 🙂

I had an epidural with my first daughter when I wasn’t 6 cm. It was amazing and didn’t stall labor -she was born less than two hours later. With my second, I got to the hospital at 4/5 cm and my bag of waters was leaking so the doc broke my water and instantly I was in incredible indescribable pain. In the 40 min that it took for the anesthesiologist to come, I fully dialated.it was absolutely awful. By the time then episural was hooked up, I was pushing. My husband was worried that I was so out of my mind that we would be forced into a c section. Thankfully the epidural kicked in, I relaxed and she was out in 20 minutes. I wouldn’t fear the epidural bc it really can, if not given too, early, prevent more serious interventions

I have been following along since I first stumbled upon Baby Kerf when I was looking up early pregnancy signs! Fast forward two years and a toddler later, I am so excited to hear how your next labor goes! I chose to have a non-medicated home birth with a nurse midwife. I’m a nurse practitioner and after working at a hospital I knew I wouldn’t feel relaxed or calm there. Home was the right choice for me and I also completely respect that for many women the hospital is the right choice for them! I definitely agree with the speedier recovery for non-medicated births. No catheter. no injection site, no epidural side effects and those post baby hormones really do make things seem so much better! I ended up delivering my daughter after only an hour of true labor….had a few contractions earlier throughout the day but was only 38 weeks pregnant so thought they were Braxton Hicks. It was an intense hour with a lot of screaming and I agree with your goal for #2- less screaming (less swearing for me too!) and more focusing. I really loved BANI classes (Birthing as Nature Intended). There are some great guided meditations for parents that my midwife swears people who have longer labors and actually get breaks between contractions seem to really like. So hope for fast, but not too fast! Good luck! 🙂

Hi Kath,
Long time reader, LONG TIME READER….
Like 9 years ago… anyways first or second time commenting.

Consider looking up the Emotional Sign Posts of labor. They are more indicative of your labor progress than dilation. (When having a drug free birth and the hormones triggered by labor are free to flow.)
Case in point. My second labor. I was induced, but did not have an epidural. I would not allow them to ramp up the pitocin. I was walking the hall with my doula, lunges, nipple stimulation (with a pump) , kissing my husband, and I was contracting for 9 hours and when they checked me I was only at 3cm. I was so frustrated and sad. Since my son was fine, I demanded to be taken off the piticin so I could take a bath. I needed to relax cause I was so mad, and bawling. The nurses were like, um nope. I said I will pull this IV out of my arm, let me take a bath, and when I get out we will ramp up the pit.

So I took the bath, and started to get super serious and quiet. (Signs of transition) then started telling my husband that I didn’t think I could do this. (Self doubt. Sign of end of labor and baby coming very soon.) my husband knew this and told our doula what I was saying, she suggested the nurses the tub filled for my water birth cause this baby is coming. (They were like.. she is only a 3.) And then he sat with me in thr bathroom and I said… I feel like I need to push… I started to have rolling contractions and started to squat instinctively. The nurses came in, checked me and said she is a 9 ! I had been in the tub for 45 min.) I went from a 3 to a 9 in 45 min. They encouraged me to stop pushing because I wasn’t quite dilated enough. And I kept telling my husband and doula… I just can’t do this…she said you can and you’re having a baby. Remember self-doubt is a good thing, it means your baby is ok it’s way. I said … I love self-doubt then.

I had Max with in the hour with no pitocin, in the water.

I was very happy I listened to my body and my intuition regarding my need to relax, and take a break.

Had we just been following my cervix, I likely would have been c-sectioned. But by following the emotional sign posts of labor… my doula knew before they checked me that the baby was on his way.

I wish you the best birth. Trust your body, and your intuition. Excited for you all! Congrats!

Hi Kath,
I am a RN, so I would have no problem
Discontinuing my IV. I was a nurse’s worst nightmare as a patient, I was fully aware of this. However, I had really caring nurses who understood my rationale of not ramping up pit based upon a blanket protocol that wasn’t patient centered at all. (Knowing how the sausage is made is a good and bad thing. But helped me advocate for myself because I knew what to ask them, and knew when they were messing with the pump. I informed them to build trust with me they CANNOT change my rate without informing me. That was where the threat of pulling out my Iv came in. They knew I was serious, because I knew how to do it. They also tried to slam the rest of the Pit into me after my son was born when the were stitching me up . Luckily I heard the nurse and said … you will do NO SUCH THING!!! It was close to a liter of fluid. Our doula said she was happy I caught them saying that, because she missed it. It’s to part of the protocol again.. to help get the after birth out. But since I delivered without pit, my body was expelling the placenta on its own. )

We had our third out of the hospital at a birth center. So much more relaxed. And the ONLY child I didn’t tear with because the midwives allowed me to push when I WANTED TO, and allowed me to sit in the “ring of Fire” to let my perineum stretch for a couple contractions. It hurt so much, but was SO SO SO worth it. My kid with the largest head came out with out any tearing. I had 2nd degrees with the other two, because they had me PUSH PUSH and blast the baby out. And the 5 min of being in the ring of Fire was so worth not having 6 weeks of a painful peri areas.

Just something to consider as part of your birth plan.

Controlled pushing. Allowing perineal stretching. No purple pushing. Allow the baby to crown stretch the area before pushing. I wish someone had told me this the first time.

Sorry for the long winded message. I am sure you are getting a lot of “advice”

Yay for second babies! I’m 4 months pp from my second and still love chatting birth 🙂
With my first, had a 30 + hour home birth, back labor bc baby was posterior, all natural (obviously bc I was at home), had a doula etc… went great and afterwards said I’d never do it again, ha!
4 years later, second babe, had another out of hospital birth (this time at a birth center for $$ reasons) and went greeeat! Kept thinking the entire time I labored at home, “I can’t believe I chose to do this again! This baby has to come out of me!” but I think I was so familiar with the stages of labor and I kept thinking of my first time, that it helped to post mark this labor so well. I also trusted my body and experience so much that I just surrendered to the experience and felt like it made a difference.

I think so many people focus on the pain of labor when that’s just not the bulk of it (I know, I know..it’s a BIG part of the experience), but I didn’t have drug-free births to FEEL the pain. I did it so that I had control in the situation, so I didn’t interfere with my natural physiology which is so intimately connected to my infants, I did it so I could walk around and let nature control all of it. Once you’ve done it before, you can definitely do it again! My first was 30+ and back labor, second was 15 hrs (maybe 7 hrs of active labor) and all belly labor! very different and both quick recoveries and really beautiful experiences.

I also don’t know anyone who had a longer labor for their second (myself included). All that stuff about “your body remembers” is totally true.

I had two unmedicated natural labors (I also have two boys) and the comments you made about just relaxing into the contractions this time resonated with me. It some ways, I feel like I tried to “prepare” or “work through” every contraction with my first, and that tension was actually counteractive. Your uterus is a muscle, and it is YOUR muscle, so your contractions are YOUR strength. They will never be stronger than you because they are you.

I found both of my labors super empowering but my second one even more so, because I was so humbled as a first time mom, and the second time around, I just felt like my body knew what to do. You’ve got this!

I had to have two induced labors- pitocin for both. I was induced with my first at 39w and my second a day after my due date. I’m thankful I did because I had two 10+lb babies. If I would have waited any longer I would have had to have C-sections.

My first I labored for about 12 hours and got an epidural when I was dialated to 5. The epidural ran out right as I was crowning, and I felt my vagina rip completely to my anus (sorry tmi- but it’s honest). Even with the edioural, it depends on where it’s placed- my first birth it was placed in a way where I could still feel contractions, but they were dulled and my legs were numb.

My second birth was different. My son had a true knot in his cord that we didn’t know about until he was born, and I almost died during birth- I have low blood pressure and it was exacerbated by a combination of meds and also other health issues.. The birth was easier overall though-and I did have an epidural. The epidural was placed differently this time- I could feel my stomach get tight but it didn’t hurt, and this time I could feel my legs 🙂

Just because you take meds doesn’t mean the birth is a “birth story birth” with smiling parents. Every birth is different. My first birth I had to have 30+stitches to reconstruct my vagina (again, tmi I know). Recovery was hard. The second was much easier in terms of pain, recovery, etc., Minus my other health issues!

I would like to say thanks, Kath, for the tone you have used in writing about this issue. You have done a really great job of explaining your choices and reasoning without sounding judgmental. I am pregnant with my 3rd baby and have had 2 emergency c-sections. I have thought a lot lately about what it is that often makes this conversation so fraught. I think it’s a lot of things, but mostly that it’s difficult for many people to have these discussions without using language that makes birth preferences sound like moral choices. And to be honest, I think that the use of the term “natural” contributes to this moral dynamic that underlies the discomfort that many women, especially those who have had serious interventions like c-sections, feel when this topic comes up. Describing a certain way of birthing a baby as “natural” implies that other methods are “unnatural,” which no matter how much you caveat it, is always going to have a negative connotation. When I think about it, I’m not really sure there is any clear distinction that makes a birth experience “natural.” Is being in a hospital natural? What about an unmedicated birth that is assisted by a vacuum or forceps? Shoot, even giving birth at home is made easier by access to electricity and running water! To me, it makes much more sense to describe a birth as “unmedicated,” and it has the added benefit of not sounding so grating to moms who chose or were forced by circumstances into having interventions. I realize that some may disagree with me on this and also that it’s sometimes difficult to come up with a term that encompasses what you mean without using the word “natural.” But I do think that trying to do so might help women have these conversations without feeling shamed. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts as a mom who has successfully given birth without interventions.

The other thought I have about this topic, and that I often tell first time moms, is that after my first birth turned out to require, like, every intervention imaginable, I *thought* I’d feel much worse about it than I actually did. I had a moment of feeling like a failure as I was being rushed into surgery, but after my daughter was born I was struck with the idea that her birth was such a tiny part of her life, and that what came after was going to so quickly overtake her birth in impact and importance. Not to say that birth isn’t absolutely transformative and unforgettable, but only to say that I wish moms could more easily internalize the notion that birth is only the beginning of your story of motherhood, and that when it doesn’t go as planned it is not reflective of you as a mother any more than any of the thousands of other individual decisions you’ll make as a parent. I guess I did have the benefit of being absolutely confident that the emergency c-section with my daughter was necessary (she turned out to have a very abnormally short umbilical cord, which was also wrapped around her neck, and she would have gotten stuck in the birth canal had I dilated enough for her to come down), and I might feel differently had I felt like I was pressured into something that wasn’t necessary. I do think that it’s important for women to feel empowered and in control of their own care and to have their wishes respected with regard to birth preferences. I only mention this to say that I was really struck by how much thought went into those moments of birth before hand and how only after it was over was I really hit with the magnitude of what everything that came AFTER meant.

I appreciate all of your thoughts! Since I haven’t had a C-section I don’t know if I’m really entitled to an opinion, but I would say it is “unnatural.” But as a fact and not as a negative term. I can see how it would be perceived as a negative term though. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a joyful experience, necessary, the right choice, or that there was anything wrong with the way the baby came into the world. I say thank goodness for modern medicine helping our babies arrive in the safest ways.

I totally see where you’re coming from and would agree that if anything in birth should be designated “unnatural,” just as a matter of fact, a c-section would be it. It actually doesn’t bother me at all to describe it that way. I guess my point is just that “natural” seems to be such an imprecise term. I’ve heard it used to just mean “vaginal birth” regardless of medication or other interventions, and I’ve also heard it used to mean no interventions whatsoever. So it seems to me like saying something like “unmedicated” or “with minimal/no interventions” both conveys more information and has the added benefit of being a less loaded term. Again though, I think you approached this topic very sensitively and I appreciate that! And I am definitely not one of those people in the camp that thinks it is silly or misguided to want to labor without medication. If I had felt like it was an option in my case, I think that would have been awesome and I would have been happy to be able to experience it! Definitely thankful for modern medicine since I would probably have been one of those women who did not fare well in childbirth a hundred years ago, but I think women who are able to give birth without medication are totally amazing and bad ass! 🙂

Agree with you – the terminology is all so wishy washy. That’s why I tend to use drug-free (although I slip back into using natural sometimes). My doula refers to c-sections as “abdominal births” because she hates the term c-section. I like that!

Wanted to recommend the book Mindful Birthing! The biggest thing for me was to get to a place where I was not afraid of and open to the process of my two deliveries, however they’d unfold (both were unmedicated and pretty fast and intense). This book helped me get there. Also wanted to mention, if it happens to be helpful, with my second a visualization came to me that was really helpful: I pictured myself surfing during each contraction, waves crashing during the crest and all. I’ve never actually surfed in real life but this made the car trip to the hospital through contractions manageable!

Hi Kath,
I love this post and all the great comments! I went back and read your birth story with Mazen and loved it x
I am a mom of 2 but have never even gone into labour so have a bit of a fascination with birth stories.
My first baby was born at 32 weeks via C section because I had developed severe pre-eclampsia. Pre-term birth is incredibly scary and I didn’t have many options to consider given the severity of my condition. She is 4 now and is vibrant and healthy.
My son was born elective C section at 38 weeks due to the possibility of the pre-eclampsia returning. It was such a serene experience arriving at the hospital waiting for surgery and then being handed a beautiful baby shortly after. I often have people ask me why I didn’t try for a VBAC but honestly the arrival of my first baby was so dominated by fear that I couldn’t bear the thought of taking on any risk.

I went drug free with my first and had an extremely hard labor (about 10 hours long) – but had convinced myself beforehand not to get an epidural. Looking back, I wish I had…but I also don’t regret that I didn’t, if that makes sense… With baby #2, labor was an hour longer and SO different in every way. I ended up getting an epidural after 9 hours of labor because I hadn’t dilated nearly as much during all that time as I expected I would have (turns out my cervix was tilted or something). Then, after the epidural kicked in, I was 10 cm within the next hour or so! The epidural helped my body relax and my oh my, the pain relief was amazing 🙂 So, I was glad I got it. You’ll come to realize the best decision for you in the moment, I am sure. Best wishes to you! 🙂

I got my epidural at 5cm and it was a dream. I think it’s a little skewed to say that natural folks are most enthusiastic about their labors vs. epidural users, just because I think natural birth folks are more inclined to promote/defend it. Epidural users…I find much less of us talk about it in the same way. My friend who has had both said that the pain was manageable but with her natural labor she felt so amazing after, whereas there is often a little haze from the epidural as your body comes back into itself.

I saw it mentioned above but just wanted to reiterate nitrous oxide! It dulls the pain during contractions and doesn’t stay in your system. I’m interested to try it if I ever birth again!

Have you heard about the benefits of eating dates in the last month of pregnancy? Shorter labor, greater chance of going into spontaneous labor, keeps your water breaking until later in the process. I had a quick drug-free labor, and I ate 6 of the smaller dates (bought organic from Costco) every day in the last month of pregnancy. Check it out! There have been studies on it.https://www.mamanatural.com/dates-during-pregnancy/

I know I can’t prove that it was the dates, but they are delicious, especially with almond butter, sea salt, cinnamon, and coconut flakes 🙂

Wow that is quite fascinating! I haven’t heard of this before. I’m glad they mentioned a connection between the nutrients in dates and the supposed benefits. And the anecdotal stories are quite convincing as well! You know how they say that foods look like what they’re good for – most notably that walnuts look like brains and are good for the brain? I’m giggling because dates kind of look like a uterus! Or maybe even an elongated cervix? I think I might just try this 1) because dates are delicious and 2) because even if there is nothing truly scientific about this, I love a good placebo effect : ) (Although that study is quite convincing too!)

I thought this would be right up your alley! I had a 6 hour labor (my first baby), went into labor 2 days before my due date, and my water didn’t break until I was pushing (and I must say the contractions after my water broke were MUCH more painful than before). That must have been intense with your water breaking so early during Mazen’s labor!

I had two births: a great first epidural one and a very FAST second natural birth (and second babies tend to come faster, let’s hope it’s the same for you!).

And you know what? I used to say the anesthesiologist was as if god walked into the room, but if I were to do it again, I would totally go natural. I felt much more *there* after the fact and recovery was so much easier!

Nothing wrong with epidural but definitely try for a natural again. I’ve had both, so I know it’s worth to try for natural again!

I was induced at 42 weeks – the Dr knew I wanted to go totally natural, but as she put it, it was time to get that baby out! He was 9 lbs and 22 1/2 inches long. The 18 hours of pitocin was SUPER intense but we did it! You described labor perfectly too, I don’t remember the “feeling” as much as how much of an animal I was! ?My husband is not looking forward to seeing me in pain again (due Oct 3) but he was so proud of me and shrugs his shoulder like this time is going to be nothing since I’ve already done it once. ?? Good luck!