SATIRE | 2017: Hillary Clinton Celebrates Another Year Not Spent in Prison

Clinton knows that if the system worked today the way it did 40 years ago, she would have been in prison years ago and never could have even run for president in 2016. As the calendar moved from 2017 to 2018, Hillary, surrounded by her yes men and yes women, raised her glass of champagne and said, “Help me celebrate with a toast to corruption! Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”

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NEW YORK – “I still don’t know how I did it!” the two-time presidential loser remarked about the fact that she still isn’t in prison as 2018 arrives. “The evidence against me is overwhelming and, after Trump took office, I just knew my luck would run out this year. Thank God for Jeff Sessions, huh?!”

As a new year approaches, most people look back to assess whether the closing year was a good one or a bad one for them personally. For Hillary Clinton, the determining factor every year is whether she was able to stay out of prison.

“Look, everybody knows I’m guilty as hell,” she admitted. “I’m the OJ Simpson, Casey Anthony, and Bonny and Clyde of politics, rolled into one. Even my cat understands I got away with murder. I just don’t know what they’re waiting for. The crimes are there, the FBI’s cover-up for me is there…..you’d have to be a moron not to realize it. Yet, here I am. Still walking free. Somebody pinch me!”

Hillary said she doesn’t know what 2018 will hold for her, but likes her chances of staying out of prison as long as President Trump allows his incompetent attorney general Jeff Sessions to run the Department of Justice.

Clinton knows that if the system worked today the way it did 40 years ago, she would have been in prison years ago and never could have even run for president in 2016. As the calendar moved from 2017 to 2018, Hillary, surrounded by her yes men and yes women, raised her glass of champagne and said, “Help me celebrate with a toast to corruption! Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”