It's elliot's mom. See ET knew that some incest sh*t was going down so ET the Condom Dispensing Anti-Retard Alien comes down to deliver a special something for Elliot. Elliot finds a weird stick in the trash of his mom's bathroom, phone's ET at his home, and ET comes down and explains what it is and that it was only 99.5% effective. Elliot, in turn is pissed.

Here are two new ideas: First - you just take Knocked Up and photoshop their faces into the movie and change very little else. Second - You take the footage of the agents running with their guns but instead of walkie talkies you photoshop in bloody coathangers.