Friday, February 25, 2011

Is my life a sitcom?

I'd ask if it was a Disney movie, but the zany antics have been going waaay too long for this to be anything other than a long-running series. Have you seen it? Is it called "I Love Gayle" or "Twin Peeks" or "Cooper in the House"?

You may recall that several years ago, Jim Carey starred in a movie called "The Truman Show" where his entire life was a carefully crafted show. This morning it dawned on me that maybe my life was also a show...that maybe Alan Funt or somebody will jump out, say "Gotcha!" and we'll all have a chuckle. But, if my life IS a show, I want to know why I don't have better wardrobe, hair, and makeup people.

Let me give you a look into this morning's "episode." By the time the clock went off, dear husband had already left for work. I stumbled out of bed, opened the door, and saw huge muddy pawprints all over the hall. Oh, crud.

The pawprints were also in the bathroom (even though we try to keep the door shut to keep Cooper out), and I saw that the little darling had rummaged through the bathroom trash. Oh, yay. I cleaned that mess up and came to check my mail. Cooper hurried down the hall to greet me: Surprise! Do you like what I've done with the house?

I sat down at the computer and fired off a missive to my husband. It was something along the lines of our parents are coming this weekend and how could you let the dog make such a mess and why didn't you pull up the bathroom door and he's not only been all over the floor but he's been up on the living room furniture and we're gonna have to rent a steam cleaner but before we do all that we're going to have to run him through a car wash. Did I mention Cooper is a Great Pyrenees? In the meantime, Cooper was scratching at the door.

"Oh, SURE!" I thundered. "Go on out and get NASTIER than you already are! What harm will it do NOW?!"

This made the twins peek (thus, the name suggestion of Twin Peeks) out of their rooms warily. I apologized, explained why I was so foul-tempered, and we gathered around the table for breakfast. Lately, my daughter has found it great fun to change the pets' names on a daily basis.

"What am I going to call you today, Pepper?" she asked the cat.

"You'd better call her Anne Frank," I said. "Because if she has any sense, given the mood I'm in today, she'll hide."

"Mom, that's mean!" she said.

Later, as we started to leave the house, I told the cat, "Be back in a few minutes, Anne."

My daughter looked at the dog. "Bye, Frank."

What is the Fatal Foodies part of this post, you may ask? It's that given the mood I'm in, I've eaten two fun-sized Kit Kats, two cookies, and one Ferrero Rocher. If that ain't fatal to my diet, I don't know what is. :\ (Cue theme music....)

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About Gayle

I'm a full-time freelance writer, editor and author living in Virginia. I have a terrific husband and two wonderful children who are, by the way, boy/girl twins. I love writing, reading, baking, cake decorating and, sometimes, needle crafts. I prefer almost instant gratification with my needlework, though. I have a cross-stitch picture I've been working on for years; but in the meantime, I've finished several pieces that can be done in an afternoon.

My cozy mystery MURDER TAKES THE CAKE is scheduled for release by Bell Bridge Books in October of 2008. My heroine in MURDER TAKES THE CAKE has her own site. Check it out at Daphne's Delectable Cakes. I also have a Squidoo lens for Freelance and Novel Writing; so, if you're a writer, surf on over to that page.

About Lisa

About Marian

Marian Allen has had short stories appear on the labels of coffee cans and the wall of an Indian restaurant. Many of her stories involve food, although she is not, as her youngest daughter claims, obsessed. She is not. She is currently working on a novel with recipes in it, which she'll finish if she can stop cooking and eating long enough to write. Short stories and recipes are available for free on her website, http://marianallen.com/.