You probably don't want to try to sneak a bite of whatever Daniel Brian Blackwell is eating.

Blackwell, 55, was arrested in Baltimore for firing a gun at his wife because she took a bite of his grilled-cheese sandwich. No, we're not making this up.

Baltimore C.P.D.

His wife grabbed their children and, sensibly, ran out the front door. Police later arrived, but Blackwell refused to come out of his house -- for three hours. (There are rumors that a whole, unsoiled sandwich may have been used as a bargaining tactic.)

"Right now we don't know if there are any mental issues or there was alcohol or drugs involved," an officer told reporters. We're gonna go out on a limb and predict that mental issues, alcohol or drugs were 100 PERCENT ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY involved here.

This seems to be an escalation in grilled-cheese-related mania in America, following that story this past summer of a Georgia man who went psycho on his wife for putting three slices of cheese on his sandwich instead of just two. That just just yelled and screamed and threw a tantrum, though.

Perhaps a nationwide moratorium on grilled cheese isn't such a bad idea, at least until -- like our next president likes to say -- we know what the heck is going on.