Talk Less.

Posted on April 21, 2011

I read it on one of my favourite parenting blogs, Parenting Passageway, and I’ve been pondering the idea ever since.

I talk quite a bit.

I spend a good deal of my day talking to (at?) my kids, trying to get them to listen and understand. I try to explain things in some vain attempt to have them conform to my ideas without struggle or discontent. Often I feel like I am talking to thin air. Talking becomes whining, whining becomes shouting and suddenly I am further from the whole ‘queen of my home‘ thing than ever.

Talk Less.
It’s such a simple thing.

If I take a breath and think about whether I really need to say what I am about to say…. nine times out of ten I decide I could say nothing.

If I talk less then I whine less.
If I talk less then I shout less.
If I talk less then perhaps when I do talk it will have more impact.

If I talk less I listen more.
If I talk less I see more.
If I talk less I know more and I assume less.

If I talk less I find that I do more.
I simply do it.
I don’t shout at someone else to do it.
I don’t moan about having to do it.
I just do it, and it’s done.

Talk Less.

I need to print it out and stick it all round my house.

It’s not a natural first response for me, but I’m working on it.

Click on the image above or download it here as a free printable A4 poster.

I get sick of my own voice, sick of knowing that neither Miss 4 or husband listen. Yesterday I was so down because even the family beyond this house don’t listen. Maybe I don’t choose the right words. Maybe I should talk less, and give myself the time to find the right words.

Great advice. I long ago gave up long winded explanations, for the reasons that you mention but also because kids don’t need them. Now for example, if I have to say no, it is “no” followed by one short line of reasoning, and then nothing else , end of story. When I stop responding they now know the argument is over. For a long time there we tried to parent as if children were entitled and capable of processing laborious explanations…..hopefully now we are beginning to see that sometimes all a child needs to hear is simply “no”.

I definitely need to talk less!! No-one listens anyway. My talking has been getting louder and louder too and I’ve noticed the louder I have to talk the louder they do and before I know it we are all shouting at each other. It’s awful! It is becoming a real habit so thanks for reminding me!

Along the same lines, as my son grows, I have worked to arrange my house so that there is less forbiden stuff for him to get into. I would rather get rid of “treasures” than spend my whole life telling him “no. no. no. no…” When I say no, I want it to be something important.

I’m working on this too! My sweet little boy is such a chatter box and I’ve always wondered why. And then I realized every time there’s a quiet moment I tend to engage him in conversation. SO who’s the chatter box? lol

This is a great reminder. we worked hard on talking less, talking more clearly, with eye contact and at childs-eye level when my eldest son was doing masses of early intervention. It’s a good tactic for raising my children’s understanding of non-verbal cues as well as eye contact/visual referencing. Also used to whisper a lot, must get back into that.

YES! This is so important for my patience, but also for kid’s comprehension. Children (especially those with a history of middle ear infections) need all the help they can get to understand instructions. Stripping away all of the extraneous factors, such as background noise (turning off the TV), visual distractions (encouraging eye contact) and information overload (too much talking) has such a positive effect on their ability to concentrate and comply with requests. Talk less = better instructions = higher likelihood that they’ll do what you ask = happy mummy! Thankyou for introducing me to parenting passageway – I’ll be reading more of their suggestions!

Kimberlysays

Love this! You just hit at the core of my frustration recently. I just stumbled on this but am very happy I did. Talk less. I get it… thank you :-)