It’s Never Ok To Leave Look-Alike Dolls On Kid’s Porches

When I was a kid, for whatever reason, my mother and grandmothers started giving me porcelain dolls as gifts for Christmas or my birthday. I was maybe five years old at the time and I remember being a little confused- it’s a doll, but I can’t play with it? Those creepy effing dolls numbered maybe seven or eight total by the time I was 10 years old and just stood atop my tall dresser on display. This dresser was right next to my bed so those unholy, deadened eyes were staring at me all night as I slept. It didn’t give me nightmares or any kind of unhealthy relationship with my own bedroom. I only used a night light until I was 20.

These dolls were entirely creepy enough on their own and were some kind of weird adolescent burden as I couldn’t very well get rid of them and hurt my mom’s and granny’s feelings so they just lived in my room until I moved out and forced my mother to keep them. That said, I cannot imagine how I would have felt if one of these dolls looked exactly like me or, even worse, looked like me and magically arrived on my doorstep one day with no explanation. This is exactly what happened in a Southern California neighborhood this week. From a link sent to us by loyal reader Kelly, via TheNew York Times:

The Orange County Sheriff’s Department said Thursday that someone had left the dolls wearing nightgowns and lace dresses at as many as eight homes in a San Clemente neighborhood this week.

The families were worried because they felt each doll resembled a young girl who lived in the house, setting off an investigation and call for public help in finding who had placed them.

But later Thursday the sheriff’s department said it found the person responsible and the intent had been goodwill. No further details were released.

This story came out yesterday before the police had found the culprit and now, apparently, it has been discovered that this person had “good intentions”. I am sorry, but their intentions are creepy and misguided. How about knocking on the door and letting the family know why the hell you are giving them a porcelain doll that eerily resembles a child living in their house? Or at the very least, leaving a note?

The police can tell me all day long that this person’s intentions were good but I still say this was beyond wrong. I cannot imagine how terrified I would be if I came home to a porcelain doll of unknown origin that just happened to strongly resemble my daughter sitting on my doorstep. It would bring back all of my childhood porcelain doll nightmares and mesh them with my parenthood “harm coming to my child” nightmares for a potent blend of horror only quash-able by Xanax and vodka martinis. So I say, screw good intentions. It is never ok to leave look-alike dolls on kid’s porches without explanation.