Europlop

So I have accidentally heard our entry for this years Eurovision and fought the urge to rip off my ears and poke both my eyes out with a pen, apart from Engelbert Humperdinck a few years ago and that Bonnie woman I don’t think it will falter our failing euro reputation but they can’t do much worse than some of the other entries that has been fielded over the years.

I remember the grand old days of the contest during the 70’s and early 80’s when Europe was such a diverse arena that we chuckled our way through the prime time Saturday night Eurovision show listening to songs like Mil etter mil, by Jahn Teigen of Norway in 1978 or Nuku Pommiin, by Kojo, Finland in 1982, songs that looking back felt like they were designed to frighten elks. Everything seemed so ‘foreign’, even the costumes reflected the diversity. As for the Eurovision being a European contest even that causes controversy when in 1980 it got a bit creative and Morocco was included, work that one out.

Anyway, on our way to another bashing I had a look back at some of the worst entries that we had fielded during the Eurovisions golden years before it all became a little too serious and political voting started to take it’s toll.

Only The Night, by Rikki came 13th in Brussels, 1987, it started with possibly the worst introduction too, here’s the link should you wish to view. Viewers of a nervous disposition of 80’s fashion may wish to look away.

One Step Further, by Bardo whilst not horrendously bad compared to most songs only managed 7th in 1982, taking into account the home advantage as the Eurovision came from Harrogate in that year it could be viewed as a double blow. Still, they did get on Cheggers Plays Pop and even appeared in the Christmas special of Top Of The Pops.

I could go on with Mary Ann, by Black Lace, 7th in 1979, a song that left such a scar, just like A Message To Your Heart by Samantha Janus, 10th in 1991 also nightmare fodder but it’s not just the Eurovision that throws up such dubious songs. You only need to look at the charts over the years to see there really has been some awful records that managed to become incredibly popular.

Forgetting ‘hit’s’ like There’s No One Quite Like Grandma (St Winifreds School Choir) and Grandad (Clive Dunn) some of the hits charted on both sides of the Atlantic making them monster monster hits. Long-Haired Lover From Liverpool by Little Jimmy Osmond still haunts me to this day.

So I will leave you with this. If you have never seen or hear this before then please walk away now, like a banshee once heard it’s never forgotten, once seen Little Jimmys pleading will be burned on your retina for ever. Should you need support after watching you can contact O.M.G.I.H.S.L.J.O.A.N.I.C.F.I. Our operators at ‘Oh My God I Have Seen Little Jimmy Osmond And Now I Cannot Forget It’ are waiting for your call.

All calls are dealt with in strict confidence, no information on your Osmond viewing habits will be divulged. We are trained professionals and promise not to laugh.