I am praying a powerful prayer in my life. I am asking for a holy boldness in my life. I am asking for a strength that is not my own. I want to be used beyond what I can do on my own. I want to do things that take me out of my comfort zone, that take me quiet literally out of my house. I want to be used by the Lord in ways that I never thought possible. I don’t want to settle or be mediocre in my life. I don’t want second best.

Quite honestly it’s a terrifying thing to ask. I like to be comfortable and not step away from what is familiar. Aren’t we all like that? We say that we want to travel the world and to take that step of faith but isn’t there usually a fear or what some consider a form of rationality that stops us from our dreams and taking that step of faith?

I know that I have written that I want more. But to start praying for it…y’all prayer is a powerful thing. When you believe and truly mean it and are expecting for something to happen. When you are completely surrendered, ready, and willing. Be ready. That’s all I got to say. His plans for you are bigger than you ever thought.

And how he can use such tiny things to get you ready for such huge things. It’s mind blowing and how he can use you for such bigger things than you thought. There is such freedom in this surrender.

Let me be honest though, this surrender is not easy. It hurts. It has meant sacrificing some things. Things that have been very important to me. People that are very important to me. But I’ve had to let go of because the Lord has called me for a very specific purpose and has brought me to a very specific point in my life, as he does with all of us. I know that he has called you, my friends, and my family to different things. These things are meant for you all, just as this is meant for me.

As I pray for this holy boldness to be in his will and follow his direction, I pray for the blood covering and protection over my life. This is because I know that the enemy is real and fights hard, especially if you are trying to follow the Lord. He has brought my depression and anxiety to the forefront of my struggles again. These are not things that I like to talk about or disclose to many people but they effect my everyday life. I know it has stopped me from things before. However, I know that the Lord has used these things before too.

I am thankful for the favor and the boldness that he has given me before and that he will continue to give me, as I take this step of faith. One step is me sharing this blog with the people that I know and I’m friends with. Those of you that have found this blog so far have stumbled upon it. And I am beyond grateful that you have. Now I have to get over my fear and let people that I know in.

My hope and prayer for each of us is that the Lord gives us the holy boldness that we need. The holy boldness in whatever area it is, whether it’s to love, forgive, step out in faith, speak up, slow down, surrender, or whatever other myriad of things you can think of. I pray that you have the holy boldness to do it, conquer it, overcome it, grown in it, share it, and be it.

May you all have a blessed night or morning! God is up to something…just you watch!

While I don’t remember where I heard the phrase anymore, it has stuck with me.

“Don’t despise the ordinary but seek the extraordinary.”

I think I heard it on a sermon but again I’m not sure. It is written on a sticky note that I have posted on my computer at my desk. I literally look at this simple phrase every single day. I think it is a powerful phrase and one that challenges me every day.

I honestly have to remind myself of this every day. Even when the Lord points out something extraordinary to me in a very simple moment, whether its in my quiet time, or during a simple conversation with a friend. He catches me off guard still when he uses someone to say a simple phrase or uses them to show me his love that day.

So often we get lost in the monotony of our day to day lives. Sometimes we go through the motions, not really connecting to who or what is around us. I know that I have been guilty of it. I miss out on the little things and the big things that are happening and then often lose sight of what the Lord is doing in my life. Or I get so caught up in the future and what the next major step is that I forget to be engaged in the life that I am currently living. Sometimes I can get super focused on praying and fasting for the future or for someone else that I lose focus of what Jesus is trying to do in my own life.

There are may layers to that simple statement. “Don’t despise the ordinary.” Just because you may not have a glamorous job or be where you want to be, do not despise it. Do not miss out on where you are and who you are with. You are there for a reason and a purpose. Maybe you are to learn something, maybe you are to cross paths with someone and pour into them or they into you. You don’t know why you are where you are. Don’t miss out on it.

Do not despise the job that you have, even if it isn’t your career aspiration. Do not doubt the church that you are at or the community that you are in. Be engaged and be involved. Do not ignore the people that you engage with every day or ignore the interactions that you have with them. Do not despise the simple home that you may live in or the car that you may drive. Appreciate the simple things of having the clothes, running water, food, a roof over your head, etc.

My challenge to you and to myself is that you spend time praying and asking him to meet you there in the ordinary events of your life. Ask him to use you and give you the words to speak during the day. It’s something I am working on asking Jesus to do every day in my own life. It’s a challenge because he will do crazy things if you are open to being used by him.

This brings us to the second part of the statement. “Seek the extraordinary.” In those ordinary moments, seek for Jesus to meet you there in that moment with that co-worker, friend, family member, or stranger. Seek the extraordinary to happen in your life. Don’t settle. Look for the greatness and expect to see big things. Jesus will show up and blow your mind. He will reveal things to you.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

He wants us to experience the extraordinary things. He may call us to write or speak to large groups of people, small groups of people, or minister to someone one on one. He may have us sit in cubicle or answer phones. But if you seek Jesus, he will reveal himself to you in mighty ways.

Do not be frustrated with where you are that you miss out on the opportunities that are right in front of you. Extraordinary things can happen there. And don’t settle for less than greatness. Go after your big dreams and trust that the Lord will be with you as you pursue those, even when it doesn’t always go according to your plans and expectations. Trust him. He has you. He’s gotten you this far and he will get you even further.

Don’t despise the ordinary but seek the extraordinary.

He can do extraordinary things in ordinary moments in your life. Remember God is always up to something.

I realized this morning that I wanted to explain part of the reason why I posted the piece that I did last night. Over the past week, I have had multiple conversations with people, who do not know each other and have brought up the importance of not settling into mediocrity and less than what you deserve. I heard it from three different people. For me when something is presented three times, it’s definitely something I need to pay attention to.

It led me to write the piece that I posted last night. While it seems that it is directed toward past relationships, it’s also for those who have doubted me and my abilities. This is in response to many people throughout my life. They make assumptions about what I can and cannot do. I am sure that we all have people like that in our lives.

For some, it breaks a person’s spirit, and it has done that to me, time and time again. For some it inspires them and motivates them to go harder. It gives us the gumption and mentality that I will prove them wrong. God is up to something in my life and I am fully invested in what that is. I will not be completely crushed or destroyed any longer. I will not sit by idly. This may not look how you think it should, nor how I thought it should but Jesus’ hand is in it and he knew how it was going to be the whole time.

Through this process of finally coming to this realization, it has led to some very isolated moments and times where I have felt more alone than I ever thought possible. It has opened the doors though to some great conversations with people who feel the same way. There are many people who are going after “the more” that I wrote about a few weeks ago and feel just as lonely as I do. And in reality, we are not alone. And we can encourage each other not to settle for mediocrity and less than what we deserve.

I’m learning the importance of maintaining community and having heartfelt conversations with people about these things. The Lord has provided me the right people in each moment to keep me going. It surprises me every time and blesses me in such unexpected ways.

If you want something, go for it no matter how many times you may seem to have been beaten down. Rarely are things of worth easily handed to us. We have to invest and fight for it. Jesus will give you the tools to make it, even if it means isolation for a time.

Don’t settle my friends. You are worth so much more. Don’t let lack of support from people bring you down. Use it as fuel for the fire. Know that you are not alone.

Stay tuned for my upcoming post about why joining Teach For America would have been settling for me, even though I want to teach.

Why do we not take the time to be informed or look to social media for our information about the events that are occurring in the world around us? Why do we not take the time to look into the news and find out the truth for ourselves. We would rather it just be spoon fed to us and told how to think and what to believe because it’s easier that way. We don’t have to challenge our own thoughts and values. We can just feel and believe how someone else tells us to. It’s easier that way right? Why be an individual and challenge the status quo? Why make a ripple and cause dissension? Why stand up for what’s right and just? It’s easier to just sit on the sidelines and not worry about putting in any effort. No one is going to listen to us or notice us anyway, right? That’s how I have felt in the past. And every time that I feel like I have something that I should fight for and something that I should stand up about, there seem to be all sorts of things in the way to keep me from actually succeeding and making a change.

Let me give you my example of today and how I ended up writing this blog. I have been thinking about how I wanted to get involved with working with the youth and mentoring. Let me tell you, this has been on my mind for years. I have tried at multiple churches to get involved in their youth groups and I’ve been looked over or not been the right fit. I wanted to teach high school, and well I’m not yet.

A few months ago, at this point, I went to a meeting of women entrepreneurs and I felt so on fire to get involved again. One lady suggested getting connected at the YWCA because I shared my passion for wanting to connect with younger women and helping them in their journey. I put it off for works and then called. The lady who runs the program was out. I let a few more weeks go by and then called again. This time I was told that I was to come down and fill out a volunteer application in person. Great, I’ll do it by the end of the week. We are now at two weeks later. I’m ready early for the day so I decide to get my butt off my couch and go down. It feels right and like it’s the time. I put the address in my GPS, and it says that they are closed today.

Now, you could say it’s my own fault for delaying and putting this off. You can say, well maybe it’s not the right time. And give me all sorts of other reasons why I shouldn’t pursue this. I have been giving myself all sorts of reasons why not to pursue this as well. But I will not let this disappointment keep me from doing it this time. I have put it off for far to long and know that I have this passion and desire on my heart for a reason.

Now this may seem like I’ve diverted quite a bit from where my blog originally started but I assure you that it didn’t. My heart has been breaking as I keep looking at the state of where things are in our country. The state of the education system and the level of involvement that people have in their communities. I have finally decided to actively engage in my community and it’s like wall after wall is preventing me from getting involved. Because I am finally tired of not giving back and not investing. I want the kids that are growing up to know that they are of importance and that they have a voice and can make a difference, even when it seems like everything is against them. I’m a living testimony of that.

And maybe that’s why I am going through it. So I can relate to them. Yes we will face adversity and yes people won’t support you or believe in you but you have to believe in yourself. You are not alone in this. We all feel this way and we all have to overcome something to get to where we are trying to go. But we should not give up when it gets hard. Nothing that is worth it ever comes easy. It’s something that I have to remind myself of and I want to help remind others of. It’s part of why I write and why I want to speak and invest in those around me.

Honestly, I know that this is just the beginning and I need to keep pursuing. I hope that you all keep pursuing whatever passion and desire that has been laid on your heart. Share your story with someone. We all need a little inspiration and encouragement from time to time. It’s never too late to pursue your dreams and goals or to make a difference.

Tonight I enjoyed good food and conversation with a dear friend. I have realized that our relationship is a unique one and may seem quite odd from the outside. It might be rather peculiar to some. However, I have come to realize that these times that we spend together are highly ordained and very much divine appointments. While we can talk about very normal everyday things like work and relationships, we always have a very real moment each time, where Jesus shows up.

We often times rather quickly changes gears and the Lord does his thing. It is so cool to watch how our willingness and openness to have him meet us there works in such large ways. We have very real conversation, talking about fears and feelings, acknowledging them and noting that they are valid, yet come back to very real truths found in scripture.

We are loved and adored by the Lord. He delights in us and has great things for us. Yet he needs us to be willing and surrendered. We need to be willing to sacrifice and trust that he is going to give us so much better and more than what we could fathom. We just need to be willing to do what he asks of us. We know that this is much more easily said than felt in the heart or carried out. It’s always a challenge to get your heart and mind on the same page.

While I know tonight the Lord was clearly working something out in her, he showed up for me to and reminded me of a lot of things. While we all walk through tough seasons and feel overwhelmed beyond belief by problems that are so much bigger than us, Jesus is with us. He is seated on the throne and we are not alone.

He is always up to something and has such greater things in store. Even if we are in a season of blessing and we feel like it can’t get better, it does. When we are faithful with little, he gives us more.

While I am truly excited for her and what he is doing in her life, he reminded me that he is up to something in mine and is allowing me, little ol’ me to come alongside some pretty amazing people and be a small part of their journey too.

I hope that you have some particular relationships that may seem peculiar at first happen and that they help to grow you and challenge you. He can use the most unexpected of people to come alongside you. I look forward to having many more unique relationships throughout this journey of life.

I literally just spent probably close to 30 minutes mindlessly surfing through my social media accounts, getting down on myself about my life and where I am at based on what others have told me gives meaning to my life. At this time of my life, I am supposed to have gotten married to someone and had at least one child, if not a small herd of them. I am supposed to basically have my whole life figured out.

At this point of my life, I do not. I am currently single and not dating anyone. This does not mean that I am not in love. I am very much in love. But that’s another story (aka a much longer blog post) for another time. And with that, I do not have a child. And that should make me feel some kind of way, inadequate, maybe, especially according to the Christian world.

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Let me tell you though what I have accomplished in the last few months. I finished a mentorship program with one of the largest Christian organizations in the United States. I finished my graduate degree in Education. I was demoted, only to then be promoted two weeks later. This means that I now have about 30 people underneath me, that I manage on a daily basis. I have started to network with other female entrepreneurs. I have started writing a book and I’m about to become part of a mentoring program.

What I realize is that, in all honesty, this is just the start. I have spent so much time being so self-conscious and so focused on how I feel like I am measuring up to this idea of what I am supposed to be at this point in my life. But I have accomplished so much as a single female, with just Jesus by my side. I wouldn’t be where I am without him. I personally cannot deny that.

None of us are on the same path and no one’s path is less important and valuable. We are all asked to experience certain things and then help to interact with those who are walking the same way. Keep speaking up and talking about the stage that you are in, whether it means that you are a newlywed in your early twenties or someone in your late twenties who still isn’t married and is trying to navigate whether or not you can be friends with someone that you are in love with.

Appreciate the story that you are the main character of. Make it your own and explore every avenue and pathway that is placed in front of you. Don’t settle to be a bystander and minor character in your own narrative. Take ownership of your role and the impact that you can have.

I know that for me, it’s allowing for more adventure and experiences. I hope that it allows for you to go to new places and levels, experiencing parts of you that you didn’t know existed. Keep living your life and don’t allow someone else to dictate what is a full and successful life.

While it’s been several months since I have been on here, the words and thoughts have still been transpiring. I just haven’t expressed them in this forum. I’ve realized that I have been missing out by not posting things on here.

What I have realized is not only do I have a fear of failing but I have a fear of succeeding. I am terrified that I just may be good at something and that I just may make a difference. While I get excited about new things and going after my dreams, there is something that holds me back. Sometimes it’s the fear that I will be great at it and that God will use me in a bigger way than anticipated. Honestly, that’s me limiting the Lord and what he can and will do.

It means letting people in and going after my dreams. It means sharing with others and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. So what happens when I get stuck here? The Lord pushes me out. He forces me out of my comfort zone and reminds me of my dreams and my passions. He reminds me not to get stuck where I am at and shows me that he has equipped me with the tools for this change and transition.

He also reminds me that he does not always call the qualified but instead qualifies those whom he calls. I just need to keep my eyes on him. It is so unclear and muddy right now. It’s tough to see 6 inches in front my face or even just past the moment that is in front of me right now but praise the Lord that he is in control and he has plan for this.

I don’t know where you are at or what the Lord is calling you to do. What I do know is that you and I are not alone in whatever it is. He will provide and he already has it figured out. Don’t settle for less than God’s best for you. Don’t be scared to succeed. It’s a beautiful thing to succeed. And don’t quit when you fail.

Why do we seem to only be inspired in the midst of heartache or love? Why does someone else have to inspire us? Why can’t we be inspired by ourselves? Or by the Lord? I know this can be an over generalization. But seriously…why does it seem like most music and poetry is inspired by these extremes? Why can’t our friends and family inspire us? Why can’t we write and take take pictures of things that make us happy outside of another person. It just seems like we put so much emphasis on other people in this. We lose us and who we are. We are our own person without someone else. Are we blessed when we find someone who does inspire and encourage us? Of course! And if love inspires you that is wonderful. Love and heartache bring me to writing and creating all the time. But you can be inspired and do great even on our own.

Trust me when I tell you that you are magnificent on your own. God loves you as you. He created you as you and nobody else. He has great things for you as you! Be inspired by that! He will use you as you. Just a quick thought I had to mention! 🙂

I’ve personally get so fascinated by the stories of other people talking even about the little blessing in their lives and the big blessings that I often times forget to think about how the Lord has really showed up in my life. I forget to testify what he has done for me to share and encouragement with someone else. I can get so easily caught up in a woe is me kind of situation.

For instance, I was having a conversation with someone about how they wanted a certain kind of shirt and they wanted it at a certain price and it be a certain way. And they were believing that they were going to find that. (I know it sounds simple.) But don’t you know that they found what they were looking for. They believed in that moment that they were going to find it, when they were looking for it and that the Lord was going to provide it for them. Sometimes it’s okay to ask for the little blessings. Trust him in the little things. We so often ask about the big things and forget that he is in the little things.

So you know what the next day, I said I wanted good coffee. I didn’t want just the coffee that I had at the office. I wanted something better. I wanted a treat. Don’t you know, I had a free drink on my Starbucks card. This meant that I got the venti drink with the extra shot of espresso. So not only did I get something other than the coffee at the office but I got it for free. He wants us to trust him with the little things. And if he is going to show us that he can provide us with the shirt that we want or the coffee that we want, how much more can and will he keep doing if we keep going to him in prayer.

Why do we so quickly forget what he has done for us? Why do we so quickly forget that he is always looking out for us? Why do we so quickly forget that he loves us? He is the God of everything and can do anything. We have not because we ask not. Let the Lord take care of you, even in the things that may not seem so important. Let him love you and take care of you. Let him show you how much you mean to him.

I’ve been feeling like I’ve been written off and like I don’t make a difference. I feel like what I am doing is not having the impact that it should. I feel as though it doesn’t matter. I feel as though it never will. That’s what has been causing me this anxiety and heartache. I’m feeling as though I am not good enough and like I don’t matter. Like no one wants to hear what I have to say or see what I can do. And it’s been written all over my face. The people at work can see it.

I don’t do a good job hiding when I’m going through. I wish I could. I wish really wish that I did. The funny thing is that there is someone else I know who thinks that they are good at hiding it and they aren’t. I think I can hide behind a fake smile. But only for so long. Then it all comes pouring out of me. I’m tired of faking it and functioning as though I am okay. The problem is that I have been trying to do this on my own. I keep saying woe is me and nobody likes me but the Lord at exactly the right times has sent someone to me. Or he has made his presence known in some mind blowing way.

Though I may not see that I am making a difference, I know that the Lord has put me and has put you in the situation that you are in for a reason. It may just be for a short season or it could be for a long season but he has you there for a purpose. And while he is probably trying to teach you something, he is also probably using you too. You may never get to see how and that’s okay because the glory is all his. If he has given you another day, you have the opportunity to make a difference. I’m realizing that I type this up. I was seriously in such a negative space. Writing things out helps to put things in perspective. Going back and seeing what you write also helps you to regain perspective and see what the Lord promised you. You will see what he brought you from.

He can’t break his promises. So though it may not look how you thought it would. Trust him. He is always in control and his timing is always great and perfect.

Thanks for reading through my roller coaster of emotions this evening. I hope that it helps someone who reads it. Have a wonderful night!