Bobby Knight has certainly been in the news for doing Bobby Knight things in recent weeks. First there was the serious matter of his not-so-hidden agenda against John Calipari and eventual national champions Kentucky. Then, there was the whole falling asleep on-air episode during ESPN’s coverage of the Final Four. But now, The General is causing a stir for an entirely different reason. At the age of 71, Knight is looking to expand his resume. In addition to Hall of Fame coach and barely passable analyst, Knight is looking to become… a motivational author?!

Apparently inspired by the likes of Tony Dungy, Knight has claimed to be working on a motivational/folksy humor book entitled “The Power of Negative Thinking.” Honestly, I thought this was a joke when I first heard of the proposed book and its title, but apparently, it’s not. From the South Bend Tribune:

“I’ve always thought the things that we look upon negatively are extremely important,” Knight explained. “Like the word ‘no.’ I think the word ‘no’ is the most important word in the English language. I think people learning to say no keep themselves out of a lot more trouble than those that don’t.”

Knight assured that this would come across humorously in the book. The opportunity to challenge that overtly wasn’t taken.

“Let me give you some examples,” he said, addressing the skeptic-laced silence on the other end of the phone, “like the worn-out positive clichés people use instead of working out something:

“‘Well, we’ll be a lot fresher after a night’s sleep.’ Well, you might be dumber after a night’s sleep too.

“And then there’s, ‘Susie, come here and let Mommy kiss that scratch.’ Well, she better have iodine on her tongue if it’s going to do any good.”

That is just outstanding. And here I thought Knight would be writing about overlooked issues affecting the elderly like chronic falling down or GPD (Geriatric Profanity Disorder). Good Lord, that’s two Brad Goodman references in one day, I think Albert Brooks owes me a royalty.

And to think the secret to living a miserable life has been right in front of us all this whole time! I think Tony Dungy isn’t an apt comparison after reading these home-spun Knightisms. We just might have a modern-day Mark Twain on our hands ladies and gentlemen. How could I have been misled by the likes of Norman Vincent Peale to think optimism was key to a happier existence. Nope, a little bit of Bobby Knight piss and vinegar is all I’ll need from here on out, thank you very much.