Friday, May 25, 2012

BSNYC Friday Cursory Visual Inspection!

If you're reading this from some other country, you should know that here in America we're about to begin the Memorial Day weekend. This means that on Monday we'll all be busy barbecuing and enjoying big, big savings at Memorial Day sales and generally failing to share the road with each other in the usual fashion. It also means that I won't be posting on Monday, May 28th, but I'll be back on Tuesday the 29th with my usual mix of naked pictures, irascible commentary, and delicious casserole recipes. (And probably also a severe sunburn.)

Of course, if you're reading this from some other country, like France, you're not going to miss me on Monday anyway since you're probably too busy watching stuff like this:

The above video was forwarded to me by a reader, and I particularly enjoyed the "fixie weigh-off:"

Though for cinema fixité it's hard to beat this sweet New York City "edit" (forwarded by another reader) that I suspect may have been directed by M. Night Shyamalan:

I'd hate to spoil the surprise ending, but HOLY CRAP THE GUY WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME!!!

This profoundly chilling and evocative film gave me the chills, though admittedly they were mostly "douche chills."

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know it, and if you're wrong you'll see some post-ride recovery advice.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your Memorial Day vegetarian barbecues taste only slightly of cardboard.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

("The Levi Effect:" Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery After Watching)

1) According to the producers of "The Levi Effect," when they approached their subject about making a documentary his response was: "Really, you think so? I dunno, man, I think I'm kinda boring."

"Because the constant rotation of the pedals encourages you to have a better rhythm and flow while you ride, I feel that the bike is more of an extension of my body than I do with a geared bike," Guity says. Without the ability to coast or stop quickly, riders must anticipate their moves well in advance, relying on a complex technique of leaning forward onto the handlebars and skidding the back wheel.

7) The article in which the above passage appeared was published in what year?

Levi's wife and dogs are hella annoying. I think I would kill myself. Also, I hate women that talk with a lisp like the announcer in that video. Sometimes I wonder if girls do that lisping thing on purpose.... it generally accompanies a certain persona.

Why is John McCain dressed as the grim reaper and riding a fixie? And why is the ninja woman nowhere to be seen in the warm-down video? Is it because she and the dog are one and the same? Finally, is it true that chamois cream induces paranoid fantasies?

I was doing great until the extra points question. The furious ninja woman was probably upset that she had not been invited to the tweed ride. I believe the warm down tutorial was produced by Ricky Gervais. I learned that next time I go on long ride to be sure to let our dogs hump me while I sit on the floor.

I watched the entire Steven Lake video waiting on that dog to start humping him. He looked like he was going to hump him, he had a definte randiness vibe. He did pause for a couple of "SQUIRRELL" poses but other than that he looked game. Anyhoo, its been high 70s and low 80s all year and tomorrow (100 miles) it is going to be 98. MOTHER NATURE IS A WHORE! But I love her.

I spent two days this week riding in the neighborhood of the flinty New Englander selling a Specialized road bike on Craigslist that was featured on this blog recently.

Here's what I learned:

The smell of a fertilized pasture is different than the smell of a NYC garbage truck, yet their effects are oddly similar.

Flinty New Englanders in pick ups and SUVs do not buzz cyclists; in fact, they move over to the oncoming lane to pass. They even stop to let a lone cyclist cross a relatively busy road. Local Fed Ex drivers stop to tell you they are cyclists too and suggest routes.

Not yet. I've been busy. But thanks for the reminder. And enjoy Frants!! Are you exploring Perris?

leroy,

I know of what you speak. After jostling with city traffic daily, and having taxis shoot by right in my 'kitchen', 98% of rural drivers up there are almost too accommodating. Frankly, it's a bit disconcerting.

Thanks all, it was pretty cool because we had shower facilities at a pretty nice local high school for postride defunking. As I was finishing up prettying myself I was speaking with a older gentleman I had showered with (stay with me I am going somewhere with this) that had done the century and it turns out he was a state senator from over by where I live. I mean come on who can say they showered with a senator besides 23 year old female/male interns? He did 100 and looked to be 60ish(no offense BGW) which was pretty hard core. It was hot.

...now, mikeweb, lest we not forget that a manxman wears the world championship bands on his jammies when he sleeps with peta todd...

...only the second time in the last 1000 years of cycling that a brit has won the road championship...(& the last one died defending his 'honor') - (track & tt's don't count)...

...no offense taken, mcfly...perhaps i'm no prize but i think i look decent for my age & while i may not be fast on a bike these days, i've learned to baffle 'em with bullshit...i'm told i look 'pro' out there...

...& speaking of aging well, we celebrated a birthday bash out here last night for our 'beauty by the bay', the golden gate bridge...she eased with grace (& thankfully no fog) into 75 & so was given the most spectacular pyrotechnic display that (majority opinion) we'd all ever seen...

...from marin county, especially down in the little marina below the bridge, on any night the lights of the city & the bridge are magical but added to the sight last night, the bay was a delightful phantasmagoria of floating, bobbing, well lite boats of all shapes & sizes...

...as the night sky darkened & anticipation grew, the quieted bridge (traffic had been stopped) suddenly went dark with only her silhouette visible by the light of the crescent moon...in & of itself, that's something special because if only for safety reasons, we never see it darkened...

...then, out of the darkness, lighting up the sky & dazzling along her length between the towers, a torrent of golden sparks shot out & down, cascading 100's of feet to splash in the waters below...

...people cheer at fireworks shows, it goes with the territory but no one expected this kind of start & the crowd noise echoed our shear delight...we were all like kids & we were in for a fantastic night..

...so as not to bore, i shall curtail my description other than to say that along with a fireworks barge near the bridge, another a short way along the waterfront, the bridge & her graceful towers were also used as a pyrotechnic platform, which added an amazing & heretofore unforeseen dimension to the spectacle...

...numerous high powered searchlights in various locations, their intense beams dancing off the colored smoke of the fireworks added an amazingly surreal sensibility to this grand visage as we were treated to san francisco's birthday tribute to her famous span & it was like nothing ever seen before...

...it's easy to get jaded w/ 4th of july fireworks displays on the bay, if really only because of the traffic congestion but i realized despite being tired from work, i owned it to myself & the people working to create this 75th birthday affair to get my lazy ass down there...

...besides, i love that bridge as she's been a part of my life for 45 years now...

...therein, my 1-speed became an invaluable tool...avoid the cars (ie: surf between 'em, stopped in the road as they were), avoid walking (not something i do easily for more than about 100 yards at a time) & avoid kicking myself in the ass for missing something i knew in my heart was gonna be awesome...

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!