Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ok, enough about Curly Sue (although she is going strong, hanging in there for day 3). Let's talk about some Important Stuff. Like Stuff that Happens in Public Restrooms.

I never use the handicapped stall. I just can't. Even after downing a bucket of Wild Cherry Pepsi at a movie, when I really have to pee and there is a long line and it is the only stall available, I won't use it. What if a legitimately handicapped person comes in right as I'm, um, getting down to business? If I caused someone in a wheelchair to poop their pants because my able-bodied ass was occupying the handicapped stall, the guilt would follow me around my entire life and I wouldn't even try to argue with St. Peter when he shook his head and turned me away from the Pearly Gates.

There is a lady in my building who always uses the handicapped stall and never shuts the door. You heard that right. She leave the door unlatched. Now, this lady has a handicapped parking tag and sometimes uses a cane, so I am not begrudging her the use of the handicapped stall. But I've noticed that her office door is sometimes closed, so she can't have a disability that would keep her from latching the stall.

Don't get me wrong; I never close the bathroom door at home and only rarely do I close it at Steve's (unless I have to see a man about a horse or taking care of some lady business). When I walk in and see the door unlatched and see her feet under the door (of course I look), I start to question myself. Am I being a prude? I mean, it's not like anyone is going to see anything or even walk past. It's the last stall. But then I snap back to reality. No, it's normal to latch the door in public restrooms, just like courtesy flushes or awkward attempts at conversation. As I occupy my stall, I start thinking that maybe it's a dare. She's daring me to fling open the door. Or maybe she's really germophobic, and the merits of latching the door do not outweigh the sheer amount of pathogens that touching the latch would potentially transfer to her hands.

By the time I leave the bathroom, in my mind she has become this passive-aggressive lunatic who goes back to her office to don tissue-box slippers.

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comments:

Haha! When I was younger I thought using the handicap stall was illegal, the same as parking in a handicap spot!

I hate using public bathrooms, period, because they are dirty. However, on the occasion I must, I can NOT imagine leaving the door unlatched?? Why?????? That's just asking for trouble. One of the bathrooms at work doesn't have a functioning lock and I'm always always always afraid someone will open the door if I MUST use that one.

I leave the door open at home, except when M is over I push it all the way closed without shutting it. He laughs at me for doing that much, but eh.. I'm not used to peeing in front of someone!

Maybe she leaves it open in case she suddenly needs assistance? You know, the cane falls over and she can't get it or she has a heart attack while peeing and she doesn't want the EMT not to be able to get to her because of the latch. Or maybe she has claustraphobia. Or maybe she has an insane fear of being latched in. Once when my sister was young, she flushed a toilet that was either at someone's house or a public one (I can't remember which) and it didn't work properly and it overflowed. It scarred her so badly that she STILL has issues about going in other people's or public restrooms. So maybe that's what happened to whackadoo at your office.

Who doesn't close the door when they go to the bathroom in public? Yeah, I know - that lady, but really she might be the only one. You should put up a sign, "All employees must close the door when doing their business." I want to put up a hand washing sign at my company.

I knew of someone who was such an extrovert that she would leave her hotel room propped open and hope someone passing by would talk to her. Don't know what she did in bathrooms but it wouldn't surprise me...

Okay. Just the other day I was in the women's restroom at work and someone walked up to the handicapped stall and opened the door - on someone else! And I thought to myself "why the heck didn't they lock the door?" I guess this phenomenon is more prevalent then you would think.

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I think she is just trying to be friendly. She is just hoping someone will open the door and stop in for a chat, the way dudes talk during target practice at the urinals. I'm sure that many BFFs have met in the handicapped stall. You should try to be more social in the future yourself.