assume they're wrong, and think of arguments to uphold our position; or

consider the possibility that we're wrong, and see whether their side of the story makes sense.The first way can quickly become an exercise in justifying prejudice. The second is far more powerful; it turns conflict into a learning opportunity. Even if we were "right", by studying the opposition we can discover, and perhaps repair, weaknesses in our beliefs. We can develop respect for our adversaries. And we can practice magnanimity, and cultivate the gentle behavior that Cardinal Newman described in an essay long ago (see http://www.his.com/~z/gentleman.html ).