Friday, August 13, 2004

A man with three buttocks

Greetings fans and welcome to today's event.

Hello again everyone and welcome to beautiful Madison, Wisconsin. I'm Jim Pennypacker and joining me is Scott Van Nostrine. Today we are all going to give all of you a chance to witness one of the most fascinating of specticals in our world today.

Boy are you right about that, Jim.

Thanks for jumping in uninvited, Scott.

Never a problem Jim.

Today we've decided to sit in on, what should be a riveting event in the life of a young couple, the sale of their home.

Let me tell you something Jim. People will be talking about this day for months to come.

That's probably because they've got nothing better to talk about in their dull and boring lives Scott, but let's take it to the conference room and get the pre-signing introductions. Giving us the story from there is, our very own, Andrew Vandelay.

Thanks Jim. There is a definite feeling of excitement down here at Formica level and by the looks that we see on both the buyers and sellers faces, it is "Go time."

Way to bring out a terrible cliché early into the event Andrew.

Could you expect anything less Jim?

I wouldn't have thought you were capable of anything else. Now, let's get to the presigning introductions.

Let me tell you something Scott, the Haag clan really looks like they're ready to get this party started.

Right you are Jim. They were sweeping late into the evening last night, just to make sure that everything would be G2G for the sale, come 9 o'clock this morning.

Scott, remember this event is being transcribed. If you mean Good to Go, just say it.

Go to hell, Jim.

That's the kind of fire I like to hear from you Scott. Well, it looks like we've missed the introductions for the buyer's team, but there is one thing that we've noticed that's a bit odd about their squad. It seems as though she has brought her parents with her. Let's go back to Andrew for his perspective.

Thanks, Jim. You're right, it is a bit unorthodox for the parents to accompany their child on a home purchase, so we'll have to just sit back and see how much they decide to meddle, I mean help in the process. Back to you.

Great work Andrew. It looks as though all of the agent's have joined their respective parties, the pens have been exchanged, and we're ready to go. Uh-oh. What's this? The buyer's have already found an issue with the paperwork. What can you see there, Scott?

Jim, it appears that they are claiming that they are being overcharged for a reimbursement for this month's condo fees.

Wow, Scott. That could be something serious. Andrew, can you tell us what kind of money we're talking about here?

Jim, it appears that the discussion is about two dollars and seventy-five cents. Jim? Jim?

Sorry Andrew, did you actually say that they were holding up the proceedings over two dollars?

And seventy-five cents. Back to you Jim.

Scott, have you ever seen anything like this?

Well Jim, there was a moment during the closing of the sale of my home after my fourth divorce....

Never mind, Scott. It looks as though their agent has showed them a calendar and has convinced them to let that issue slide and get things moving again. The buyer has completed her first signings and now the Haags have their pens in hand and are ready to put their John Hancock's to the documents. Is there anything that you can see down there Andrew?

Jim, this is the reason that I'm here. All of those years in a Canadian penmanship academy have given me a great deal of expertise on what each person really is saying about himself or herself when they put pen to paper. It's as if a small part of their soul is leaking out of their hands onto each piece of parchment that they inscribe.

So, are they signing Andrew?

Yes, Jim. They are. There is another issue down here though. What are you seeing from topside Scott?

Andrew, it looks as though someone interrupted Glen in the process of his signature. He's signed his first name on the page, but can't seem to figure out how to write his last name from a standstill. This is a tragic setback for the Haag’s. Have you ever heard of anything like this from your days in that Turkish prison Andrew?

It was a Vancouver writing institute, you illiterate clod, and yes I have seen this before. For some people, once they start on their signature and stops, they cannot just "start things up" again. Glen looks like he is really is struggling with this, but... yes.... whew.... he was eventually able to scratch out a semi-legible version of his last name for the state tax form. That was close call, but it looks as though they're going to be able to finish up their signings and finish everything up without further incident. Back to you two in the booth.

Well, the Haag's have finished up their signatures, and it looks as though the exchange of the keys is taking place without any incident. So, despite the minor setbacks that we've had, it looks as though this closing process is going to finish up with out any further interruptions. I want to thank you all for joining us today. So, for Scott Van Nostrine and Andrew Vandelay, I'm Jim Pennypacker wishing you a fond farewell. Here's hoping that all of your loan closings are an open and shut affair.