Inspired!

BN Hot Topic: Let’s Talk About Boogey Woogey Shoogey

I’ve been told that my pieces recently have been ‘too serious’ so I’m stuck trying to figure out how to re-align my writing or rather make it a little more fluffy and enjoyable. So it’s bad enough that I’ve not been able to haul myself out of this dry spell called writer’s block, I now have to make whatever scraps I come up with as nice and as fluffy as possible. I’ve been told that these things are called “Growing Pains”. Honestly, I wonder why I was in such a hurry to grow up. Make up and high heeled shoes are totally not worth the responsibilities that come along with growing up.

Speaking of growing pains, I remember a few years ago my cousin and her husband had a misunderstanding of some sort about his wanting to go clubbing with his mates. Her grouse was that he was now a ‘family man’, settled and grown and as such he really had no business still hopping the clubs with his ‘young’/’unmarried’ friends. According to her, there was a time to settle down and minimize partying. Ah! I immediately thought she really shouldn’t have told me this because I’m one of those people who have a problem with the generalization that marriage confers instant maturity, but I’m not going to get into that. Mnena made me promise to respect the gods of rules/tips and guides and so I’m going to tow the fine line of propriety with that one. Anyway, being the objective in-law, I asked her if the problem was that she felt left out of all the ‘boogey-ing’ because she has a baby. She confirmed that that wasn’t the case but that she felt that ‘there’s a point in your life when you sit to assess your priorities and partying up and down isn’t party of being grown up.’

I wondered about how people complain that their lives are almost monotonous after a while and they have a need to spice things up. So I asked around about whether there was a ‘right time’ to stop going out to bars, lounges and clubs. Is there really a right time to ‘slow down’? I’ve seen couples get dressed together on Friday night to have a fun night out. I’ve also heard some guys saying that there’s a time when you really need to put the “fast life” behind you.

I believe that it’s important to understand your personality vis-a-vis that of the person you’re spending the rest of your life with. I’m the most boring person I know. One time, in my second year at the University, my friend Doyin dragged me out, however, she didn’t notice that I’d slipped a John Grisham novel into my bag. When we got to the place, I didn’t understand why we had to shout to communicate with one another, I didn’t understand why I was being forced to sit up right when I could have been in bed with a warm cup of Milo and delving into the intricate world being spun by one of my favorite writers. So, I went into the bathroom and sat there reading my novel till it was time to go. She never asked me to go anywhere at night after that. Do you get what I mean by personalities?

On the other hand, I think there’s room for compromise and making sacrifices. How much of yourself are you willing to shelve for your partner? In light of the fact that there’s apparently a “right time” for everything, do you think that there’s a “right time” to pack up your dancing shoes?

Do you agree that with marriage comes an automatic end to night life grooving? Or are you one of those people who would say, “hey, being married isn’t the same as being in shackles! I gotta let my hair down!” Would you preclude your partner from attending certain gigs because it’s not befitting of her/his status? Or would you say “Baby! Let’s get this party going.”

Let’s talk about boogey woogey shoogey!P.S: I think I failed completely in my attempt at fluff!

About Atoke

Atoke is a Nigerian lawyer, writer, retired foodie and FitFam adherent. She spends her weekdays writing/curating content and editing at BellaNaija. Her weekends are spent cooking, reading and whiling away time on Twitter. With a Masters degree in Creative Writing, her work has been published in journals and magazines in Nigeria, the UK & USA. A recipient of the Dylan Thomas Creative Writing Scholarship, her strongest points are the depth of her articulation and her ability to cohesively give form to words.

She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing and book reviews by email – atokeofficial@gmail.com. She tweets with the handle @atoke_

Being married doesn’t mean i would make my man give up part of his life. who says because you are a married woman you can’t go to clubs and bars? wha t you have to do is prioritize cos you now have other responsibility cropping up

There is no right or wrong answer. It is all a matter of choice and opinion. Personally, I do not go clubbing because I don’t drink and neither do I smoke. But I do know how to have fun. My friends who also do not club throw house parties all the time, and I’m always there. I meet people and have fun. Therefore, this will play a factor when I’m deciding whether to date someone. Also, there are different types of clubs; there are some that are appropriate with no form of indecency or noise that couples can go to, relax and have fun. But in all, know thy partner. If he/she was a party freak before your married them, then don’t think marriage will change the person. Marriage does not mean you should stop having fun, but have fun the right way. I think its all about applying wisdom. I definitely will not take my husband to a club where half naked girls are shaking their boobs at him. (flee all appearances of evil) By the way, who says you have to go clubbing to have fun?

Nice one. Well,I’m single at the moment but hey,there’s a right time for everything – especially when I’m not with you!! Lol. But really though,I’m naturally not the clubbing type,I adore my sleep a whole lot and I won’t sacrifice it for anything. I don’t drink and I don’t smoke – so why go punish myself all night at the club? I’m more of a bar,restaurant,theaters/plays,sightseeing person and I don’t think I’ll be giving all that up when I get married. Fortunately for me,my boyfriend (whom I do hope to marry someday) is exactly like that also. So I guess we’ll be doing all that for a very long time.

@ Adenike…Well said. I am ur type but my husband is not ‘our’ type. During my courtship days, i allayed my fears about this and e assured me dat I can do all of these things i fancy in moderation but I tell U, since I have been married, I haven’t had time to think about going out. Its either I am busy with my weekend bulk cooking or we have one guest or the other pay us a visit. Last week I thot about how dry my social life is compared to when I was still single and I realised that there are some things U give up not because U want to but because there are other things more important that requires immediate attention . I still plan to spoil/treat myself one day but maybe when my husband is outta town…#MyTwocents!

I can so relate to the John Grisham in d bathroom thinghy. I can be the most boring companion to take to a club or even party scenes generally. I despise cigarette smoke to the point that I choke as soon as I inhale it. Why would I now carry myself to such an environment. My friend has since learnt her lesson, as she never takes me anywhere close to a party. Lol. She says I’m a killjoy @topic I knw they say opposites attract, but I can’t date let alone marry a club and party kind of person. Dinner, movie, picnics et al, yeah!

I don’t like clubbing ,after dozing off on a bar chair in club despite the noise one night,my friends gave up on dragging me to clubs.my eyelids start kissing themselves by 9pm so I cherish my bed so much and thank heaven!,my partner has outgrown clubbing to.i could still endure like a birthday party where the environment looks matured enough.,no noise,no screaming.still have got to improve on my social life though

From Me to Men……. Asides the social perspective to this needful decision for maturity, An objective adult male will concur with me that clubbing,partying,grooving is a major source of income leakage. Many men mortgage a sound future for their children on the platter of temporal social gratification which often times expose them to vices that violate their moralty and eventually ruin their homes. If I can speak to my fellow dudes, Please let’s try and save up this extra change we spend at the clubs, there are cheap landed properties (40k -100k) to be bought in Ilorin, ibandan, akure and other developing state capitals, these are little sums that don’t hurt you now, but please look at the potential value of those properties in the next 15-17 years when your babies will be ready to go to the university..You sure wont be under pressure to make or embezzle funds to send them abroad for the best education……..maybe then we will comprehend the core of this ‘contentious’maturity

I’ll let “le husband” go out but he should also have the discerning spirit to know when to chill sometimes. I want to hang with my girls as well and we can both go out together so I don’t see it as being a big deal

If u think there is nothing wrong with clubbing while married, u shud stop to ask urself “what exactly r u goin to look for/do in the club” I think priorities shud change when ur marital status changes. If u claim to be goin there for relaxation, is that the only option?

I don’t think marriage means the end of clubbing or going out like that. It can change the frequency, sure, but stopping it altogether makes no sense – especially if it’s something both parties enjoy doing.

To me, going out isn’t the issue… it’s what you do while you’re out that could be a problem.

Dear Future Husband, go out o, have fun o, chill with the boys o, but don’t come back to the house if you’re drunk! Drunkenness after the age of 25 is just unattractive

I really think its a matter of what you like to do and doing it in moderation. Being married doesnt mean boredom. I like to dance, that is the only reason i go to clubs. Will i still go when i get married? yes if my husband doesnt mind and i find the time. I wont let anybody’s idea of what is responsible stop me from living.

How I wish there was a like button, I would av clicked on it for dis your comment…I am married n I n my husbAnd still go clubing bcos we like dancing its not as frequent as wen we were single sha but we still try to find time n go…there is too much stress in marriage jorr one just need to do soMetins dat she enjoys to keep going

My dear X-Factor, “there are cheap landed properties (40k -100k) to be bought in Ilorin, ibandan, akure and other developing state capitals,” – Ibadan caught my attention. Are you referring to Ibadan,Oyo state capital? Or another Ibadan I’m not in the know of? I live and work in Ibadan and I can tell you there’s no place in Ibadan where you’ll get a 40-100k land, not even at Foko or Beere. Please don’t make it sound like Ibadan is one hell of a bush abeg. I do understand what you’re driving at but not 40-100k please.

@ Adenike and purpleicious….please don’t get me wrong here , our objective is not to paint the picture of Ibadan as a bush but rather a developing entity withvast commercial potentials (please read in between the lines). And in response to your objection, please try and check out the interior iddo and similar environs after apata, In ilorin please check out the new school of remedial studies @ fufu and UITH interior oke oyi… and if you are having challenges getting such cheap deals, please let me know, will sure link you with the men that calls the shot…..Again it is important to let you that in investing in landed properties, this is one of the key rules of engagement, BUY THE BUSH FOR THE FUTURE( Nobody is asking men to buy a land in Bodija, ) I ll implore you to kindly go and ask how much a plot of land was in Akobo or iyana church fifteen years ago, I am positive you ll begin to understand the core of my discourse after your discovery, I authoritatively confirm to you that up until early and mid 90’s, the highbrow area that is now known as Magodo GRA/shangisha axis was a thick bush that sold for what we can now see as ridiculous amounts……..wake up dearies and smell the coffee, True WEALTH is not gotten over night, the men that z got them took pockets of calculated risks and informed decisions in building it over time…….

In life there has to be BALANCE in everything one choses to do! Being married doesn’t mean you stop doing things that are fun, actually going out as a couple helps to keep the marriage spicy, fun and sexy! And going out doesn’t always have to entail clubbing. I don’t know where some Nigerians especially Nigerian women get this notion that once married, life consists of working, dealing with visiting relatives, going to church, managing the house, attending “respectable” functions like wedding and house birthday parties. Oh forget wearing trendy clothing, one must be enshrouded in skirt down to the ankles “up and down” attire…you know, proper married lady wear or trendy is ankara blouse paired with jeans and head tie. I am not giving our men excusing but this does contribute to why some of Nigerian men cheat on their women. I am going to state it plain as day, some Nigerian women are BORING and never want to try anything outside of their prescribed view of what a married people should or should not do! Where is it written that married people can’t go clubbing together? And what kills me is that some of these people MET AT THE CLUB! The same woman complaining that her man is hanging with his boys met homeboy when he left his boys at the VIP section to come talk to her and her friends down at the bar of the same club o, not church! LOL.

I do believe a woman should have her time with her girls, a man should have his time with his boys, both should take time for each other as well what ever that entails and all should be done in moderation! Talk with each other and as long as all the fun activities are not draining the family finances or emotional investments then I say have a blast! I have gone out with my girls, heard all their wahalas especially from the single ones and came home so appreciative of my man that I PUT IT ON HIM GOOD AND LOVELY! And if you don’t know what “it” is, I no fit help you Lmaoooooo

IF a wife’s idea of fun is NOT the club then plan some other fun activity that can be of interest to both. I personally do NOT like clubs in Nigeria because of the smoking but if that’s my man’s thing and it is only once in a while, I could endure it for a night because that’s what one does in marriage, sometimes you have got to sacrifice. My husband hates karoake but guess what, he goes with me just because that’s my let-my-hair-down activity.

Thank you for this very intersting topic, unknown to you the responses here might actually help me as i have struggled in the past 10 months with my hubby’s increase appetite in clubing and keeping late night(hanging out with the boys, he claims). Thanks @ Xfactor.. i just wish there is a way my hubby could have read your comment. I am not totally against a Man hanging out oe clubing maybe on Fridays but its worrisome when it becomes a daily affair. I met my hubby in the university and he did not display this affection for clubbing for over 6 years of courtship and not even in the first 6 years of marriage. Things however took a different turn this year and he has been going clubbing and hanging out on a regular basis(sometimes for 5 days in a week). After several complaints, he agreed to take me out so i could have a feel of how his nights are. twice he has taken me out this year and i must confess to you that the things i saw were not encouraging; Married men with single ladies and some old men in their late 50’s with twenty something years old girls(this at a yoruba club/live band in Abuja). My take is this, if a married man sees this sort of lifestyle everyday of his life then he thinks that all men are in that(cheating) category. the income leakage thing is another area that is really getting to me. A man spends 4k a night (20k a week)and then have to be asked before he supports the weekly home shopping with 5k. We share responsibility in my home and its not uncommon to find that i have paid 100% school fees for our daughter while hubby is still making instalmental contribution to the school for my Son’s school fees. im sorry if i derail this topic by bringing my family issues into it but it has been eating me up for over 10 months now. is it a sign of resposibility if a married man suddenly picks interest in clubbing and hanging out and he even sometimes does it on a daily basis?. There’s nothing wrong hanging out once in a while but when it becomes a daily habit then the home will suffer the consequences at some point.

Please ignore them! Stay authentic. You articles are so well written and thought provoking! I especially liked the one about traditional v modern Nigerians. Keep writing authentically. It is what sets you apart