Saturday, May 5

Free verse.

And some days I can't help but wonder what the sunlight means to me. What is the sight of a star exploding in the sky? What is the sound of a baby crying in the house next door? What is the feeling of an ant threading its way up my arm?

Tell me I'm not alone. I am asking for such simple things. And as I scream them into the silent room that keeps me together with its solid walls, the requests come echoing right back to me. Funneled and focused into my ears, exactly where they belong. I would think that the neighbors would mind my yelling; but apparently, no one is listening. So I will let them out as I wish to.

Don't tell me "no" if that's all you care to say these days.

Stick your head in the door. "Shhh." But what if I don't care enough about your silent prayers to keep mine inside my head? What if I want to let it all out? What if I don't want to live in the same oppression you live your life? I'm sorry they were mean. I'm sorry no one cared. I'm sorry it all happened so fast and you were so young. I would change it if I could. You know I would. But I can't. And I am sick of being punished for the mistakes they made in your life. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I feel too bad. I feel too angry. I feel too sad to be able to tell you any of this.

So I will keep it all to myself. I will keep it all inside my brain. It will surround me. It will become me. But someday. Someday, I will open the windows and the wind will take me away.

Finally, someone will tell me something. And it won't be "Shhh." The wind will come into my room, showing me that maybe the walls aren't so solid after all. It will come into my room and say, "You're free."