3 Responses to stranger

geez i couldve written this so gonna to borrow you, if that’s all, for my sanity’s sake :). If that’s ok.

…”all”??? Think about what “all” includes. Put yourself in my shoes, i mean REALLY put yourself in my shoes.
You’ve known everything, all of it since the beginning. You being you and not me, would not have any perspective other than your own. Me being me and not you, wouldnt have other perspective, ESPECIALLY coz dontcha forget….I never had yours! Sure i knew you loved me, deep down inside somewhere but what does THAT even really mean exactly? What does it mean to an individual person? Different things to different people. I just never knew.
-turn this around, i guess i just never “listened” to what you were saying. i never had time to stop. But it’s becuz was sure that it was fine to not do it. All those reasons i had to not do it. Why should I need to anyway? I mean i can hear you/talk to you later on down the line. WHEN I’M READY, right?
But back to so many ready words…They could mean a whole hell of alot of different things. ironic that now I am getting words that confuse me on the deepest levels. I mean SHIT you think youre the only one?? I knew NOTHING of what all of goings on. You know what that means? What all the different things going thru my head might be? Think of how i felt about you (you knew coz she told you), think about what I DIDN’T KNOW (you have forgotten or are clueless becuz you write it out all the time so think youve said it to me!!). NOW… think about the way ida felt thinking each of possibilitys there. Really and truly you would let that happen? You would let me think some of the things i was thinking? My soul, heart, brain tearing one way for one scenario. oh but wait it could be something else! shit. Oh here’s words some to heal me back up. ok. oh no, shit shit shit. maybe it’s something else? coz it could be. but what if its not? Torn back this way and that. Then healed back up. Total confusion, i’d think i had it straight..but wait…it could make sense another way…and another way…AND OMG, ANOTHER! Seriously you left me to TRULY die inside at the possibility of several of the options? The cycle repeats itself over and over and over again. i mean THANK GOD i can at least eliminate ONE scenario but couldnt know 100% as late as YESTERDAY!!!!!! I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT HIM TOO!! fuck

I know for a fact that you have not a clue what all has been going thru my head. oh sure, i could tell you…IF ONLY I knew what you were saying EXACTLY. What if I’m wrong and respond to the wrong thing? Don’t forget that ‘responses’ in words represent feelings behind them. REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT ITS THE INTENDED FEELINGS. This is why SOME people avoid miscommunications at all costs whenever possible. Then when the inevitable ones come around, both are plenty strong. This is why fighting fair is ESSENTIAL. THis is why people who care about each don’t call each other names and tell them that they hate them. If thats gonna happen that what’s the point anyway? None for me. If im gonna be hurt and never feel good? I got some serious issues with this already i gotta resolve. If there are more issues though, like your health, i need to know that too. for the love of God.

Can’t help but notice to have come full circle. Not at square one of course, but at circle one thousand. It’ll go one way or another. Again. But it will not remain static.

Back to original question… There certainly seems to have been a miscommunication for some reason. “Is that all?” you ask. Yes and no. At the risk of understatement, NO that is not “all”. However…THAT IS ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW TO EVEN RESPOND TO ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE. All that effort when all i needed was one tiny little response. Huh.
im having a dejavu