Daily Archives: June 9, 2012

I’d like to quote Maya Angelou and say, “Life doesn’t frighten me, no not at all.”

That would not be a lie.

While I find life to be exhausting at times, and often think that death would be quite romantic, (I never understood how death could frighten people) there’s really nothing to fear from life.

Well, I mean besides for answering phones, and venturing into unfamiliar businesses, and telling your Rockstar to his face exactly how you’re feeling. But nevermind about that.

I do not fear heights, or water, (even though I cannot swim) or snakes, (I wish to have a managerie of them one day) or spiders. (OK, that may be a bit of a fib.) I do not fall into hysterics when I glimpse a clown, and I quite enjoy rollercoasters. Since I moonlight as a superhero, I don’t even have a fear of flying. All of these are the most common of phobias, yet I face this list and simply say, “Pshaw”. (Which means oh, shit)

Perhaps it is the overly-zealous religious upbringing I had, and I’m sure all you Athiests will burst into incredulous guffaws, but demons scare the livin’ bejesus outta me.

You would think this would keep me from watching every exorcism-based movie that comes out.

(Pun intended) Hell, no.

IT is BECAUSE of my religious background that these movies enthrall me so. I also find it quite interesting that only Catholic people seem to get possessed.

I’ve just gotten done freaking myself out by watching The Devil Inside, a Blair Witch-like faux-cumentary. I must say that despite critic reviews, I found it to be pleasingly terrifying. I’m sorry, but who does NOT get chills by listening to the multi-languaged ramblings of pluralized demon voices coming from an unexpected female body? While true exorcisms are not allowed to be filmed, and I really have no intention or desire to witness one, it is easy to believe that such horrific happenings occur. (For me, anyway. You athiests may be less trusting.) Perhaps it is my childlike faith, (or my foolish gullibility) that makes me believe so.

According to what I have been taught, no demon’s gonna get me, ’cause I believe in God.

I wonder why that doesn’t work for the Catholics?

Yes, I realize that being robbed at knifepoint or threatened with an armed weapon could be just as terrifying as speaking in tongues while writhing around in unnatural positions. But believe me when I say that there is still a possibility of kicking a thug in the balls while he’s trying to rape you. What’r’ya gonna do to the Devil’s assistant when he’s IN you? Feed him?

You all probably think I’m nuts.

But let me point out something.

Just because you don’t believe in the demons, doesn’t make them not real.

And when you get possessed by Azazael or Beelzebub or some other ancient spirit named Legion, don’t be pissed when I told you so.