Please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle

This includes not attempting to open any of the doors while the airplane is in flight. While this seems like a pretty reasonable and logical approach to air travel, a couple guys managed to mess it up this week. In both cases jailarilty ensued.

First up is a Brit on his way to frolic in sunny Cuba. Apparently he got drunk and decided that he was no longer interested in remaining on the plane. Sadly, he was still at 36,000 feet, meaning that he didn’t have much of a choice. The flight diverted to Bermuda where it had to remain overnight because the crew timed out. The flight continued on to Cuba the next day. (Link 1, Link 2)

Next on the blotter is another drunk (shocking!) on a flight from Boston to Los Angeles. This guy decided that he wanted to fly naked. That plan was derailed by the General Manager of the New England Revolution MLS team. The guy put his clothes back on but decided that the clothing requirement of the flight was just too much so he decided to depart as well, again at altitude. The flight diverted to Oklahoma City to drop the guy off with the FBI before continuing on to LA about an hour and a half late. Of interest in this particular case is that the flight in question included the MLS team on their way to a match in California. Well, that might be of interest to someone if they actually cared about MLS, I guess. On the plus side, it should be easy to get this guy to the appropriate trial location since Oklahoma City is the home of the US Marshall’s service Con Air transport service, delivering 175,000 “passengers” a year safely to their destination. Interestingly the TSA didn’t notice that this guy was a danger to our air travel network, presumably because his toothpaste tube was the appropriate size and that seems to be all that matters these days.

Finally, a note for anyone who is considering trying to open the door in-flight. You can’t. It actually just won’t work. The pressure differential between the cabin and the air outside actually presses the door into place, preventing it from “popping out.” So even if you make it to the door and aren’t subdued and zip-tied back into your seat, you’re not getting it open.