Thursday, March 19, 2009

Week Nine, Day 60- "Open Casket"

(Lights up on a funeral home. There is a casket downstage. It’s the kind with a split lid. One side is open. Sad organ music plays in the background. Mourners stand in a row looking solemn. Off to the side is Leveck, a young funeral director in training. Neidecker, the more experienced one enters.)

NEIDECKER

Sorry, I’m late. Did you have any trouble setting up for Mr. Johnson’s funeral?

LEVECK

Don’t worry. Everything’s fine.

(The mourners begin to approach the casket and walk by it one by one taking one last look at Mr. Johnson.)

MRS. GERNER

This is so tragic.

(She looks in, looks puzzled, and moves on.)

MRS. WOLF (peeking in the casket)

Well, it is how I remembered him.

(She moves on.)

MRS. MARSH (peeking in)

He does look natural.

(She moves on.)

MR. CROSSER (peeking in)

Bastard’s a show off even in death!

(Neidecker and Leveck exchange confused looks. Neidecker checks out the coffin and rolls his eyes towards Leveck. He closes the lid and opens the other side. The mourners all approach again as Neidecker stands to the side.)

MRS. GERNER

Oh, that’s better.

MR. CROSSER

That’s more like it.

MRS. WOLF

He looks so peaceful.

(As they talk, Mrs. Marsh tries to lift the lid on the lower half of Mr. Johnson to sneak another peak. Neidecker smacks her hand and wags his finger at her. Lights fade.)

Good question. In my mind, they are never seen. It's written for the stage. In most sketch revues, the coffin would not really be there, but would be pantomimed. Even if you were to have a coffin on hand, the lid should open with its back to the audience so as not to ruin the gag, again making a physical Mr. Johnson not needed.