"I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it."

Friday, September 10, 2010

Deceptively Positive

I woke up with a headache. Let me rephrase that. A headache woke me up. I think there's an important distinguishing factor. I saw an episode of that television show The Doctors where they said that waking up with a headache is bad, but having a headache wake you up is worse because it could be a sign that you have brain cancer. Of course that memory is in the back of my mind. But I know that this headache is from the fall. When I sat up on the side of the bed I could feel the stiffness and pain in my upper back between my shoulder blades. I could feel the individual vertebrae again. I get up and walk off the usual morning stiffness. I have a big day. I have to get the dogs to daycare, do my scout shopping, go to the grocery store and meet a local Close To My Heart consultant. I don't have time to be sore. Before I leave the house my headache is already turning into a migraine so I go ahead and take that medicine. Nip that in the bud. I need an adjustment now more than ever after the jar to my shoulders and neck. But I can't go to the chiropractor. Click here if you missed that story. I forgot to mention yesterday that my bruised knee is not just a bruised knee. I think it's a bruised knee cap. I decided that when I was trying to kneel next to the bathtub and it nearly sent me through the roof. And I was reminded of it as I went to get the dogs out of the backseat. I put my knee up on that comfy cushiony leather backseat and just fell over forward, rolling to the side. I had forgotten that my knee was injured. But the boys are off and I'm on my way to Old Navy. I go in to do my scout shopping. I use the handicap dressing room as I often do if there is one available and I don't see someone else who is in more need of it that I am. I can use the extra room to waddle about and fall over. There's also usually a bench to rest. Today the issue was that I could not get the pants off the hanger. They were on those plastic hangers that have the metal things that squeezes down on the pants. You have to push up to get it to release. It hurt the tip of my thumb so much that I could barely get it off. I got one pair off. I had several though. I debated because I hate to ask for help. But I decided that it's what they are there for. I asked an associate if she would assist me and get all of the pants off the hangers. I have to admit that I did feel, well, rather stupid, to be honest and blunt. I look perfectly healthy. I feel like I should explain myself. But what would I say? "I have Fibromyalgia?" She probably wouldn't know what that is. "I have problems with my hands. "Yeah, whatever lady." I don't know. And then when I watched her take them off it was so easy. IT WAS SO EASY. I never realized how easy it is to get those d**n hangers open until I couldn't do it myself. So now I feel stupid and mad. Well, now. I felt stupid then and in awe. Now I feel mad. Mad that something so simple has been taken away from me. Move On! Off to the grocery store. I get everything on my list and things that were just on the list in my head (that no longer hurts, YAY!) I check out and take up the guy on his offer to take my bags to the car. Again, I feel like I should give a reason why I am having him take my bags to the car. It's not like I'm actually in a wheelchair or dragging three screaming rug rats along. I'm not old enough to be using age as a reason. So I say, "Sure, I take muscle anytime it's offered." What? That was cheesy! I need a better line people! Or maybe I should wear one of my wrist braces to the store from now on. Or better yet both! I get home, use my cart to roll my goods in and unload my groceries. I'm on the National Consumer Panel so I have to scan them. Then I sit down for a break. I get a call from the consultant who wants to meet and she suggests ice cream and we settle on Dairy Queen. Since I hadn't had lunch I could eat there. This is an accomplishment for me. Usually by late afternoon I realize that I've not eaten lunch and it's now a little too late to actually eat because we'll be having dinner soon. Usually by then, since I've not eaten, I've also developed a headache and general all around yuckiness. Since I'm trying to still make friends I stayed and talked with her and a couple other people who met her there. Then it was time to pick up the boys. So I had a full day. Usually while the dogs are in daycare I get to clean house. That didn't happen today. For dinner I took the advice that I read in an article on tips for making cooking easier. I only actually cooked one item, homemade macaroni and cheese from the book Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld where she hides the vegetables in the food. I served it with bagged spinach salad and a rotisserie chicken from the store deli. It never occurred to me that the reason I get so flustered when I cook and everything is going at once is because of the Fibro. This article was very helpful. It was a very busy day for me. And really at almost 11 o'clock at night my attitude could go either way, but I'm trying to be positive. So today I am choosing to look back and see the accomplishments that I made regardless of how embarrassed I may have felt at the time.

1) I asked for help at Old Navy- I was helped with a smile. 2) I let the bagger take my bags out at the grocery store- I didn't have to ask and he was a pleasant conversationalist and very polite. 3) I was proactive at making sure I ate lunch- her first suggestion for ice cream also served food so I didn't have to counteroffer. And 4) I made a home-cooked meal but only cooked one of the items- my husband got seconds of the mac-n-cheese even though it has butternut squash hidden inside it.

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About This Blog

I have Fibromyalgia. Do you know what that is? Fibromyalgia (pronounced fy-bro-my-AL-ja) is a common and complex chronic pain disorder that affects people physically, mentally and socially. It is characterized by chronic widespread pain, multiple tender points, abnormal pain processing, sleep disturbances, fatigue and often psychological distress. At least that's what the experts say. But Fibro is different for everyone. I know we are all hurting and every day is hard. What I want is a place to ask questions, get opinions and answers. If you need to described your symptoms or struggles in order to ask questions or to share your solutions, that's great. But let's not just post about how miserable we are. I want to be part of a group that shares this together, but with a positive outlook. Let's learn how to live with this, survive it, be cured from it. I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it.

***WARNING:***

content is personal and, as Fibromyalgia is a medical condition, may be graphic in nature.

ABOUT ME

I am 36 years old and live in Texas with my husband, currently two foster babies and two dogs. After two years of refusing to let my doctor diagnose me with Fibromyalgia I was finally and officially diagnosed in the fall of 2008. Looking back I believe I have probably had Fibro since about 2001. Although everyone's case is different I always felt that mine was exceptionally so. After sharing this blog and interacting with others on Facebook I have found that is not the case. I have the pain normally associated with FM however not to the debilitating levels that many of you suffer. I suffer mostly from an extreme sensitivity to external stimuli, i.e. sounds, smells, light, movement, changes in temperature resulting in severe nausea, vertigo and migraines. Before my diagnosis people would often ask me if I was pregnant and my reply would be, "if so I've been pregnant for six years."