This is the first in a series of Blogs that Peter Sagar will write for true faith over the coming season. Peter, as well as being a loyal Newcastle United supporter over many years is also an activist within the Coalition of Resistance (Tyne & Wear). Some people like their football coverage completely absent of political discourse but frankly, they are living in a dream-world if they believe politics and football and sport don’t mix. See the current protests in Brazil about the horrendous extravagance of the World Cup at a time of cuts to public services and the different models of football club ownership between Germany and England. But for those of you who really don’t like this sort of thing, just blank it and move onto the next item without getting your knickers in a twist. Or you could give it a try as it’s unlikely to ruin your life.

Newcastle United: Sponsored By the’Best of a Bad Bunch’?

In the furor about the return of Joe Kinnear to Newcastle United, another row seems to have been forgotten; that of centre-forward Papiss Cisse and possibly also Hatem Ben Arfa seemingly refusing to wear Newcastle United shirts with the sponsor Wonga.com’s name on them. Leaving aside their objections on religious grounds, what ethical basis is there for their concern?

Well, certainly I am sure I can’t be the only one who finds Wonga.com’s television adverts deeply objectionable. They come across to me as extremely patronising to older people. I am not in this group just yet, just as you may well not be either, but we all have elderly relatives and it is surely the case that in life we are presented with two alternatives; an early death or becoming elderly ourselves. Now, of course many adverts are frivolous and patronising to one group of people or another and these things can be taken too seriously. However, I can’t help but wonder just what the tone of the Wonga adverts tells us about the attitude of the company towards other people, including its customers.

On 11th June this year, 44th anniversary of Newcastle United last winning a major trophy, – you may not have wanted to be reminded of that – The Independent reported that, “Wonga’s deal drew heavy criticism because of an interest rate that, when stretched over the course of a full year, would work out at 4,212 per cent.” Of course the idea is that Wonga deal in so-called ‘payday loans’, so that it is to be expected that the money will be repaid quickly and easily. I am sure that in many cases that does happen, but what if the person borrowing the money can’t do that, or if, like all of us at some stage or other, they haven’t read the fine print properly, because they were too busy or otherwise distracted? What then? An annual interest rate of 4 212% makes Wonga sound like loan sharks, like modern-day equivalents of Jimmy Boyle,exploiting the desperate poverty of Glasgow council estates in the 1960s, even if Wonga don’t send round the heavies, armed with meat cleavers, to deal with bad debtors.

The situation with Cisse has of course been muddied, by his own demand for higher wages. The Wonga deal is substantially bigger than the previous sponsorship contract with Virgin Money and not unnaturally, officials at Newcastle United were said to be delighted with the size of the deal. It has also been pointed out that, “part of the increased finance will go on squad development and may also be significant as Cissé seeks an improved deal.” That said there do seem to be reasonable ethical grounds for Cisse and Ben Arfa not wearing the sponsor’s logo on their shirts.

The website thisismoney.co.uk has noted that to be fair,Wonga is not amongst the worst of the pay-day loan companies, but they are seen as perhaps the best of a bad bunch. However, the website still argues that Wonga, “charge astronomical rates of interest for the privilege – several thousand per cent in most cases. Even though there are no industry-wide figures, it is believed many customers fail to repay their loan on the settlement date and so end up mired in hopeless debt.” Many of those in this awful situation will be in our own North East England region and ironically may well be Newcastle United supporters.

According to ITV news on 20th February this year, 20% of children are living in poverty. This will be even higher in the North East, if statistics from the Government Office for National Statistics are anything to go by, which suggest that income in our region is only 78% of the national average. (www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/ regional-accounts/regional- gross-value-added–income- approach-/december-2012/stb- regional-gva-2011.html#tab- Regional–NUTS1–GVA-estimates ) This again raises the question of just how appropriate it is for a club such as Newcastle United to be sponsored by a payday loan company at all.

And things are only going to get worse. As I write this, George Osborne is putting the final touches to another round of cuts as part of his clearly failing austerity policy. He has already stated that no cuts will be made to the armed forces, so it is to be presumed that other vital public services will be cut. These cuts will only deepen the poverty in our region and make some of our fellow Geordies even more dependent on companies such as Wonga.

Meanwhile it has also been reported that the position for many still in work is continuing to deteriorate. The Institute of Fiscal Studies has reported that British workers have had to endure a 6% pay cut in the last five years. If you are on £40 000 a year, then a 6% pay cut, will should leave you with a reasonably comfortable income, depending on family and other circumstances, but if you were already on the edge, then that kind of pay cut can send you tumbling over the fiscal cliff – into the hands of payday loan companies, who may not always have your best interests at heart.

At the same time, the banks are hammering people with insiduous and unfair bank charges. And what reward has Stephen Hester, chief executive of the Royal Bank of Scotland, recently been given for collecting these charges from those struggling to make ends meet? A £6m bonus! £6m?While thousands of our fellow citizens are having to resort to payday loan companies and hundreds of thousands of children are growing up in poverty.

Another group of people who arguably are being overpaid at present are the majority of the players at Newcastle United, who so spectacularly underperformed and underachieved last season. Yes, we had injuries to key players, but all clubs have them. It really is pretty disgraceful that supporters, who again came third top of their league table, the Premier League attendances for 2012-13, were watching a team who came fifth bottom of the league itself. Papis Cisse might have a stronger case in his campaign not to wear the Wonga.com logo, if he wasn’t asking for a pay-rise himself, after a season which can best be described as mediocre, even taking into account vital goals against Stoke City and Fulham as relegation loomed near the end of the season.

However, there is also a strong case for suggesting that sponsorship by a pay-day loan company, even one such as Wonga, which is not seen as amongst the worst, is not really appropriate for Newcastle United. Given the levels of poverty and suffering, in Northeast England, under the Government’s austerity programme and the reliance so many in our region must have on payday loan companies and their astronomical rates of interest, then there really should be concern at the deal.

News from the Coalition of Resistance

Recently there was the huge success of the national People’s Assembly, with over 4000 people attending the launch event. Around 20 NE activists took part in a meeting during the national People’s Assembly, in the workshop session where we had an opportunity to break into local/regional groups. Here is a summary of what’s coming up in the next few months:

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For the next season, true faith’s chosen good cause will be Check’Em Lads, a registered charity promoting early diagnosis of testicular cancer and appropriate early treatment.. We’ll be carrying regular Blogs here and running advertisements on-line and in the fanzine with the intention of raising awareness amongst supporters, mainly Mags but if a fan of another club happens to take a lesson from this campaign so much the better. If we help one lad it will be enough.

A Check’Em Lads volunteer tells us his own story:

It was the end of the 2011/2012 season and we’d been battered at Goodison Park by a hugely over-respected Everton side, but never mind I was off to Spain on holiday and United was off on a European tour. Before arriving in Spain I noticed I had a dull ache in my lower back and abdomen, but had no idea why. I noticed a lump on my right testicle whilst in the shower after a knock on holiday. I was worried, but thought ‘It’ll be nowt”. I went to the doctors when I arrived home and was sent for scans and after a 3-week wait was told I had testicular cancer after having my right ball removed. The cancer had spread a small amount outside of the testicle and I would require chemotherapy to kill it. I was pretty scared. The world I knew had been flipped upside down and I didn’t know anybody else who had cancer at my age, 27.

Whilst going through cancer I felt slightly alone. I was angry about not being told to check my testicles and also the lack of support for young men. This has the highest cancer rate amongst 15-40 year olds and nobody ever told me what to check for and what to do if I found something. I really just wanted advice and to talk to someone who had actually been through it. That’s when I stumbled across Phil Morris on twitter, who runs “Check’Em, Lads” charity which raises awareness and offers support to those going through cancer and post chemo support, as well.

I underwent chemotherapy treatment lasting 3 months, at 27 years old, and I’ve now been in remission for 7 months. It was a tough time, but I got through it with the help of the wonderful NHS and my family. I was still angry though. Why is this not talked about more amongst men? What; because we’re embarrassed? Possibly! If you check once a month and seek advice if you find something you’re worried about then the survival rates are over 95%. There’s no need to die of embarrassment. Testicular Cancer has amongst the highest survival rates. I was quite lucky to get it checked out quickly.

“Check’Em, Lads” now have a small army of helpers who are all unpaid survivors and we all really enjoy what we do with checkemlads.com charity. I’m running a campaign in Tyneside called ‘Howay the Nads’ going into colleges, football teams, workplaces etc with the intention of getting men between the ages of 15 and 40 to check themselves once per month after taking a bath or shower. It takes 2 minutes. If you’re worried about anything then seek advice from your GP, or if you’re going through chemotherapy then you can contact me for advice. I know what it’s really like to go through it and come out of the other side.

We all have normal day jobs but all make time for such things as awareness talks in schools and work places, offering telephone support, awareness through social media and the internet, visiting hospitals to offer help and advice to men and their families going through this illness.

I don’t want anybody to have to be as confused as I was and unsure of what to check for and what happens when having scans, blood-tests, chemo and injection’s. We should all be checking ourselves every month. Go on, what are you waiting for? Your life, in your hands.

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We are delighted to introduce Alex Scott, an exiled Mag over in Malawi (originally from Gossie) who will be posting these Blogs throughout the coming season and giving us an insight into African football as well as his perspective on what is going down at the House of Pain on Barrack Road. Jump in …

Sewera Mpira Afrika! (Play Football Africa)

Takulandirani! Welcome!

I’m Alex, and I will be giving you my take on all things NUFC while providing you with news on football in Africa, and also African life. I’m from Gosforth originally, and lived in Newcastle for most of my life. I had a season ticket for a long time, but due to work and actually playing football it became a bit expensive to keep giving to friends!

I’m now based in Malawi, known as ‘The Warm Heart of Africa’. We are situated between Mozambique, Zambia and Tanzania – it is a beautiful place, if you ever get the chance to visit I highly recommend it.

I did lower level scouting back in the UK about 4/5 years ago but had to stop as it didn’t pay well enough to not work. I mainly spent my time watching the academy teams and reserves of the North East’s league clubs, from NUFC down the leagues to Darlo. I worked for a group called the Scouting Network, which was essentially an outsourced scouting team for any club that wanted our services.

Now, I work with a boy’s academy, run on a non-profit basis, and we have links with FAM (FA of Malawi) and are attempting to link with South African clubs. We will be starting a girl’s academy soon as well, as we have found some very talented female footballers in the country. In between my work with the academy I work for an agriculture and export operation which pays my bills.

I have recently been asked to appear on a Malawian radio show which will be previewing the English Premier League season and for my insight from a foreign perspective as to why the Malawian league has major problems.

So, it is the quiet time back in Newcastle, too quiet so far as far as I am concerned, hopefully once Joe gets back from sunning himself, let’s face it he has earned a holiday, things will pick up pace. So I thought I’d start off by giving a snippet of life as a Newcastle fan over here, and a taster of Malawian football and life.

I am the only actual Newcastle fan here, there is a gent from Hexham, but he isn’t in to football. None of the locals have any real interest in Newcastle, and are shocked that I do most of the time. I remember last season, sat in a bar full of locals watching the game away at Arsenal, I was in between 2 Arsenal fans at the bar, they asked me who I supported, I said Newcastle. Their response was “Ahh, okay, so you must be a Manchester or Chelsea fan to want Newcastle to win today”. It took the best part of 10 minutes to make them realise I actually support Newcastle, and didn’t just want them to win because I don’t like Arsenal. You find that a lot out here, people support the successful teams in all the European leagues and Arsenal. What has surprised me is that most seem to stick with their decision once they have picked a trophy winning team. I expected more chopping and changing. I’m busy working on converting people, although last season didn’t help! Even the Mrs, who is Caribbean, prefers Man City. She has got a soft spot for Santon though and I did get her to wear a Newcastle top on Derby day.

People love there football out here, and you can go to most areas and you will see small groups of kids playing football barefoot with whatever they can pass off as a ball – the most popular being the balls made of plastic bags, or ‘Jumbo’s’. You will find these in almost every village you go to, as well as makeshift goalposts. I always love going to the villages, as the obvious enjoyment the local kids get from kicking a ball about with a Mizungu (white ghost) is just a great feeling. At the academy this has now been formalised so that they can come every afternoon to get skills coaching and play a game using proper footballs. The ages range from 5 to 18, with some of the older lot being exceptional footballers. Unfortunately for them, the academy has probably started too late to benefit them enough to leave the country and play professionally.

At the top level, Malawian football is beset by controversy and corruption, but on the pitch they have been performing quite well. Peter Wadabwa has become the first Malawian to sign for South Africa Premier Soccer League side Golden Arrows on Wednesday at an undisclosed fee, a huge step forward for the country’s top players. The national team, the Flames are within one victory of making the play offs for Brazil 2014, although it is against Nigeria, in Nigeria. The Football Association of Malawi are so keen to manage this that they have demoted the 3 men who had been in charge over the win over Namibia, and engaged the services of Belgian coach, and former Nigeria technical director Tom Santifet. In a move that has angered local people, journalists, and even some players, including captain, Joseph Kamwendo. The source of the problems for Malawians and the media is the way that the FA has treated the demoted staff. With one journalist saying they had been treated worse than garbage. Teddie Moya is just an average Malawian citizen; he was so angered by the appointment that he attempted to get an injunction to prevent the appointment. It was thrown out of Lilongwe’s Commercial Court last weekend, but he is attempting to continue the fight.

Santifet takes charge of his first game against Zimbabwe on the 13th of July, tomorrow, as I type this, in the quarter finals of the COSAFA cup. A win here could go a long way to reducing the pressure growing on him and the FA.

As for the players, it is a financial issue. Santifet is set to pocket a bonus of 3.3million Malawian Kwacha, or $10,000. The players by comparison, will receive just $85 each if they succeed in defeating Nigeria. The issue of player bonuses has been a source of contention for some time, with FAM stating that they could not afford to pay higher bonuses to players.

The financial side of Malawian football is unusual to say the least. The players in the top flight, and even there international stars earn less money than the directors of clubs, managers, coaches, and even the heads of supporters groups get paid more by the club. A baffling situation when we look at our own Premier League stars. Could you imagine Mike Ashley paying the heads of NUST more than Colo is earning per week? I will delve further into this topic through the season as it is an area which is unusual to say the least by our standards.

As for the actual football, we have recently had the Presidential Cup final, which was between the top Armed Forces team, MAFCO, and last season’s league champions Silver Strikers. The game was an incredibly drab affair, serving up a dour 0-0 full time score, the Frenchman that I went to the game with was dreading extra time at this point, but we were both saved when we discovered it would go straight to pens. We were lucky it did! An outstanding exhibition of penalty taking, which saw 19 penalties leaving the keepers helpless and 1 saved per side, before the unfortunate Bernado Namangwiyo struck his penalty straight at the keeper. A wonderful result for MAFCO, and their coach after they had lost the final on penalties back in 2011.

The league season is back in full swing here, but we have a reduced set of fixtures this weekend due to the international fixture. Blue Eagles, the Police team and current table toppers, have a home game against EPAC, and will look to stretch their unbeaten run to 5 games. MAFCO will look to kick start their season, currently sitting 3rd bottom with fixtures in the Northern Region against Moyale Barracks on the Saturday, and then bottom of the table Mzuzu on the Sunday – yes, 2 games in a weekend. So much for the tiredness of 3 games in a week!!

I hope you have enjoyed the tasters, and I look forward to bringing you more about all the topics and more over the coming months!

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We’ve had quite a week at Newcastle United even by the dysfunctional standards set on Barrack Road but as we move forward there does seem to be signs of the dust settling. Attempting to second guess Ashley is a fool’s game but I think we can see where we are in some critical areas.

Ashley was unhappy at our PL performance last season. Whether he accepts any culpability in that remains to be seen but as he’s the owner, he’s hardly likely to sack himself. United may have denied any reports of schisms and splits in the playing staff but the move to appoint a Director of Football to look at and perhaps understand what has gone on in there suggests those reports of division may not have been so wide of the mark after all.

It is also noticeable that Kinnear’s first act as Director of Football was to pull the plug on the deal to bring Douglas to United from FC Twente on a free. There has been wide-ranging discussion regarding the make-up of the squad, with some lambasting the number of Frenchies we have on the books and calling for a re-balancing with more home-grown, PL-hardened players to be recruited. There is truth United are chasing Darren Bent from Villa and James Tomkins from West Ham.

The pulling of the Douglas deal has been said to explain the departure of Managing Director, Derek Llambias frustrated at being usurped as the No.1 decision-maker at St James’ Park, or wherever he was for most of the week. For a brief moment, I felt sorry for Derek Llambias but I’ve given my head a shake and I don’t think many will miss him. We have now learnt that United’s Finance Director, John Irving and Club Secretary, Lee Charnley will now pick up some of the work, Llambias discharged with Kinnear now de-facto the decision-maker at United with Graham Carr and Alan Pardew now reporting to him.

This latter re-structuring removes a fear I had, that Kinnear would be returning to the dug-out after potentially bumping Pardew to one side. I can’t see that now being possible given the small number of people running United has been reduced before and I just don’t think it would be possible for Kinnear to combine the roles of manager and director. If Pardew is bumped to one side, I’d imagine a replacement will be appointed. Poyet or McLaren? My money would be on the latter but hey, this is Mike Ashley and Newcastle United and fuck knows what could happen!

We have learnt more about the dynamics between key people running United though. All has not been sweetness and light between Carr and Pardew we gather and the reason for that maybe the concentration on the foreign markets and some unhappiness at how Vurnon Anita has taken to life in the PL after joining us from Ajax last year. He’s not done very well has he? You might add Amalfantino too, Gouffran doesn’t convince me whilst Sissoko went off the boil being played out of position and Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa has struggled too. I’m not sure who was responsible for Danny Gosling but on £25K pw the kid’s contribution has been poor. Measure the lack of progress from our younger players and quite rightly, Ashley has questions that need to be answered.

Similarly, as many of us wondered what was going on away from home, from set-pieces, long-balls and all the rest of it, it seems Ashley may have been having the same thoughts. News the coaching staff is to be assessed, I have to say, doesn’t necessarily seem the wrong thing to do.

It’s not, for me, what is being done … I can kind of see the merit in having a football man right at the heart of the operation and the issues raised are correct. It’s just … who is leading this apparent root and branch review of our coaching, assessing players and who has been installed as the brains of the operation. Joe Kinnear? The man simply does not have the credentials to conduct this work and his lack of credibility is just so devastatingly obvious to even the most ill-informed punter as to defy description. There must be better people able to work for United but alas, we’ll have to rely on Ashley finding more clued up drinking buddies in future.

I do hope we aren’t going to run from one strategy to another though. Let’s sign all experienced players … no, let’s sign young players with a sell on value … no, let’s concentrate on the French market or the Dutch market … enough of that’s let’s concentrate on the home-grown market. It’s madness. Let’s get the best players for each position that we can regardless of them being French, young, home-grown or whatever. Let’s have a wider approach to player recruitment and not trap ourselves into these “strategies”. I’m not sure what markets Man Utd limit themselves to – they just seem to sign good players.

Congratulations to the Newcastle United Media people. They have managed to track Kinnear down and get him away from microphones and cameras before he can do any more damage to whatever he has of his reputation. They are going to earn their money until someone comes and takes Kinnear back to his nursing home.

There is no love lost between Mike Ashley and Alan Shearer. What I do know is Alan Shearer is one of the greatest ever players to pull on a B&W shirt, is an iconic figure in the club’s history, is a son of the city and remains a supporter. I thought there might have been a more fitting tribute to our record goal-scorer than naming a pub after him but that’s what was decided upon and I can see no argument in changing the name of the bar simply because it is having a refurbishment. That Shearer was not consulted on the name change sounds about par for the course with this lot. Ashley’s regime at United simply has no class whatsoever.

So what can be done? I’m afraid, I don’t know and I’d guess neither does anyone else. Ideally, we’d have United bought out by someone with a bit of wedge behind them and some ambition who wanted to involve supporters in the running of the club via the NUST. A version of the Swansea City set-up would do me. No-one is in control of those sorts of events however. Few people want to see goons on Barrack Road with badly-spelt bed-sheets or troupes of nutters in fancy-dress performing bizarre stunts outside The Milburn for the cameras.

In my more depressed moments I fear the only way to affect the departure of Ashley is for the club to crash and burn, tumble down the divisions so he just cuts his losses and gets rid. Not that would necessarily lead to a bright future as Forest, Leeds and Sheff Wednesday would confirm. God that would be a painful process with no guarantee of getting the club we want.

Indeed, sometimes I wonder if our frustration with Ashley and his chaotic running of our club is just a symptom of a wider malaise with football itself. The game has changed drastically in the last ten years and United, like others has missed the boat. The Premier League has become appallingly uncompetitive and the position of Chelsea and Man City, clubs with inferior followings and histories to United are now lords of all they survey. Arsenal and Man Utd deserve their position at the top of the game on the back of their success and history. I am sure the fans of Everton and Villa, with aspirations of their own have the same conversations. Liverpool’s fall from grace is more tragic than a burning orphanage. Forgive me if I laugh given their central role in creating a Premier League I’m sure they never conceived they would become an also-ran in.

Newcastle United and modern football is what it is. We have no control, no say and on the face of it, the choices are clear – keep supporting the club under sufferance and cherish those rare moments of delight or fuck it off and forget about it. I can’t honestly think of any other choices and it saddens me to come to that conclusion.

Many of you reading this have no intention of packing United up and neither do I. It’s just so much a part of my life, I can’t contemplate life without going to the match to meet mates, have a bit craic and longing for something better. You’ll be the same. It’s part of our identity, who we are and United is the blood that runs through the city, Tyneside and the wider NE.

Ashley is too far removed from what we think. He isn’t a native of the NE and I’d guess he would find it amusing he would be expected to give a flying fuck about how he is regarded up here. He doesn’t seem to give a hoot about what he is thought of anywhere for that matter. Money is Ashley’s god. He is completely unaccountable, inaccessible and I find it laughable anyone thinks anything differently.

Not that we should just grin and bear it. But whilst it might make some people feel good to vent amongst friends and allow some to assume a photo opportunity the battle to change football is being fought elsewhere.

Campaigns for supporters to have a greater say in the running of football clubs, to reduce the price of watching football in the UK demands hard-work and dedication! It is often unseen and unrecognised and those putting the work in to organise the protests such as we saw last week know it takes proper graft. Those prancing in front of the cameras and providing easy but ultimately meaningless copy for the media will ultimately achieve nothing. Football’s problems go way beyond Mike Ashley and who he appoints as Director of Football. He’s just a symptom.

Well, amidst all of that brouhaha last week, the fixtures came out. It’s a sign of the staleness of the Premier League that the reaction to playing Man City away on the first weekend of the season is a weary acknowledgement that we can get this defeat out the road quickly. The following fixtures at home to West Ham and Fulham seem kinder and are an opportunity to get points on the board. I see the first five fixtures as critical to Pardew and should he fail to get the expected results I can’t see him continuing into October as Newcastle United manager. Let’s be straight, there were plenty who wanted him gone in May and only the arrival of the clownish figure of JFK has restored some of his popularity without a ball being kicked.

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Blog from Brazil #17

People are never asking me if living in Brazil has changed me, but I suppose I would answer, “Yes, I think it has.”, if they ever did. To start with, I’m drinking coffee now. Brazilians run on hits of small, strong black coffee, ‘cafézinho’, and I’ve gradually become unable to function without a regular dose of it throughout the day. Although my dear old Mam still sends over my Rington’s tea in bulk, I don’t think I’d cope without it!

The drinking culture is a lot more relaxed. By ‘relaxed’ I mean there’s nee bairns binge-drinking their livers away, looking for someone who’s looking at them…

Even though the temperatures stay in the mid to high twenties at night there’s no pub crawling, either. There are times, when sitting outside a crowded bar at midnight in shorts and t-shirt with a warm, gentle breeze wafting in off the ocean, that I have to remind myself I’m not on a 2 week holiday in the Med.

When choosing a bar, the quality of the food is generally more important than the beer, if you can believe it, basically because all the Brazilian beers are pretty much the same; light lagers with about 5% alcohol, which are sold in either litre bottles to be shared or cans (that’s right, cans). If you’re lucky enough to be at a bar with draught beer, it will have a single tap of EITHER Brahma OR Itaipava. Is it any wonder I miss The Newcastle Arms and it’s 5 new real ales every week?

I was shocked to wake up last week to an overcast, breezy morning and feel the chill. I even put a jumper on. I was even more shocked when I discovered it was 23 degrees! How can it be possible a born and bred Geordie can think that 23 degrees is a ‘tad nippy’?

More noticeably, I suppose, is my accent. If you were to ask me if I’ve lost my Geordie twang I’d deny it to the hilt. But ask my friends and family and I suspect you’d get a very different answer. I’m not saying I’ve done a McLaren or a Barton (at least I hope not), but I certainly have sympathy with them. When living abroad, especially in a non-English speaking country, you have to make your English as understandable as possible, and as even most Brits are hard pressed to understand a Geordie in full flow, foreigners have no chance! So yes, although I certainly don’t speak like a Hugh Grant, I have had to slow my speech down and have tried to soften our flat Northern vowels. Whereas I’ve done this consciously, what happened to McLaren (and to me, I suspect) happens completely unconsciously; you start to adopt the stresses, rhythm and speech patterns of the local population. That’s why Steve went all, ‘I vishited Amshterdam on the shitty hopper lasht week’ and why my Dad didn’t recognise his own son when I called home last year…

My wife and I had taken our (by then) 18 month old son home to meet the family and friends. Of course, we stayed with the folks. I’d popped over to town alone to pick some things up and, being a bloke, I’d completely lost the plot and needed to call my wife to remind me why the hell I was standing at Grey’s Monument without a clue as to where I was meant to be. We’ve all been there. So I called the home and the old man answered so I asked if I could speak to Lu, to which he replied, “Oh, I’m very sorry but they’ve just popped out.” Who’s popped out, Dad? “John and Lucy, John’s in town and Lucy’s gone for a walk with the baby.” Dad, it’s me, John… “Oh, sorry son, I thought you were one of your Brazilian friends calling to speak to you.” It should be no surprise that I went aal geet proper East end lad after that conversation…

Rio is a pretty madtown. Imagine my surprise when the newly married Mrs Milton arrived in her new home in God’s Own City with a picture of herself with her fellow passengers; only the bloody 1970 World Cup winning team! Well, part of it, anyway… (They were on their way to Sheffield to take part in Sheffield Utd’s 150thanniversary celebrations).

A couple of blogs back I wrote about escaping the flooded neighbourhood where I work. It wasn’t my first experience of driving through flood water; that was back in 2008 (although I was only a passenger). I had taken a video of the event but hadn’t been able to find it in time for that blog, but as Murphy’s Law commands, I have found it since so I thought I’d share it now.

It’s not all sun, sea and sand in Rio!

Thankfully, the CampeonatoCarioca has come to an end. I can’t say I’m sad. Botafogo had won the 1st phase (the Taça Guanabara) and managed to reach the final of the 2nd phase (the Taça Rio) where they faced Fluminense. Should Fluminense have won, we would have seen a final between the winners of both phases (yes, that’s right, it would have been another match between Botafogo and Fluminense). However, as Botafogo did the double they were automatically crowned Rio State Champions. It’s nice when it happens like that, it puts us all out of our misery…

However, my unofficial team have won a silver pot which is a damn sight more than I’ve ever seen Newcastle do, so – PARABÉNS OS PRETOS E BRANCOS!

I really like Botafogo, they’re the least supported of the big clubs in Rio so the fans are tenacious little buggers. They wear Black & White stripes and hardly win anything – what’s not to like?

Also, Seedorf has had a huge impact on the whole club. He’s club captain, he has unified the players, the club and the fans and genuinely appears to be relishing his new project. I’m really pleased to see that he has been rewarded with another piece of silverware to add to his extremely impressive collection.

It was a shocking position to be in, 3 games to go and destiny out of our own hands. I still cannot come to terms with the fact that an excellent point at West Ham was transformed into what looked like points dropped. I was very happy to see we’d managed a 0-0 at the Boleyn Ground, but was then flabbergasted (no exaggeration) to see that Wigan and Vile had both won. Then to confound matters, 10 man Sunderland went and pulled an unlikely result out of the bag v Stoke. However, Swansea did us a massive favour by beating Wigan and therefore giving us some control over our own destiny going into yesterday’s game.

I have to admit to have been over the bloody moon at those 3 points, only our second maximum haul away from home in what has been a deeply troubling season. However, after the stress that we have suffered over the last few weeks, we are now safe and, to plonk the cherry on the top of the cake, one of three odious little clubs will go down with the god-awful QPR and weak (even though I kind of like them) Reading: Wigan, Vile and the Mackems have found themselves in the mix. Wigan are favourite to go down, but as my beef with them is only with their chairman, I am now their biggest ever fan. I’d love to see them win at Arsenal. Can you imagine the state of the collective undercrackers in blunderland and Birmingham going into the last game of the season? Oh, the joy of schadenfreude!

I’m not about to start pointing fingers or blaming so-and-so for the shitness of our season – that can come after Arsenal. Right now I’m bang on song with Michael Vasey’s message.

One city, one set of fans, ONE CLUB! Get right behind the bastards and show the rest of the country what it means to be Newcastle UNITED! HOWAY THE LADS!

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So there goes the 2012/13 season. By common consensus a complete and total waste of time! If you thought paying for a season ticket would provide a return in terms of excitement and entertainment, you were sadly mistaken. Our PL form was abysmal, finishing the season with three successive home defeats, 10 goals conceded with none scored and rank performances as bad as any witnessed by old timers and newbies over many years. Full house signs posted for each of those games too. Whatever is going wrong at Newcastle United, it can’t be laid at the door of the supporters, whose patience and stoicism this season has been remarkable. Fifth top to fifth bottom? Quite a collapse eh?

We’ve witnessed some shocking defending and had our worst ever season in the PL for conceding goals. Going forward we’ve looked toothless and creatively we’ve been appalling. The stats don’t lie. We’ve played a brand of hoof-ball that would have had Allardyce hung by the knackas from the top of the East Stand and which is simply not the Newcastle United way. Our play from set-pieces has been beyond a joke and our passing, movement, pressing and strength as a unit non-existent.

We’ve flirted with relegation and I believe that but for the strains and stresses of an FAC win for Wigan, we might have been relegated.

Tactically, we have looked inept.

For the third season in succession we’ve bowed out of the FAC with as gutless a performance as you are likely to see at Brighton. We provided no surprise away to Man Utd in the LC.

High points have been rare – Spurs and Chelsea at home and that’s about it. We had a few decent outings in the Europa League but nowt to write home about really.

By every possible measure, a shit season with disillusionment at the so-called direction of the club and big questions about the ability of the manager and his coaching team to deliver anything but the same next season!

No-one is above criticism.

The manager has spoken about a collective failure. He is of course correct. We drifted into this season having finished fifth this time last season. There was talk about the Champions League. Talk which now appears utterly deluded!

The boardroom has been stunk out with complacency, a crippling absence of ambition and football nous. For the inertia of last summer being so catastrophic we once again wonder what on earth Ashley is doing at Newcastle United. To bring stability? Big ambition that like.

The manager is now talking about bringing in experienced players to play alongside the bright young players we have at the club. Players like Kevin Nolan, perhaps? Or retaining the colossus of Coloccini, whose absence has almost led to ruination this season?

How much you can rely on the statements of Alan Pardew about what will happen this summer is open to question. The manager is sorely undermined by his previous comments and then what has actually happened. A big part of me feels for the manager having to work with Ashley and Llambias, who I can’t help but feel are semi-detached from the club and run it all as a bolt-on to Sports Direct.

Last summer we heard about players being lined up to arrive in NE1 and that didn’t happen. Now he is talking about experienced players off the game-plan of young players whose value will increase. What happens is anyone’s guess.

Besides all that, I’m in no hurry to change the manager. The fact remains that had we managed another 3 wins we’d have been perceived to have had a decent PL campaign. I’m in no hurry to change the manager because I don’t believe Ashley/Llambias could bring in a top coach to work within the strait jacket they would fit any new coach with. Rafa Benitez? Aye, right.

There is a lot of talk about stability. That’s all rubbish. We need to win football matches in the PL to avoid the kind of finish that is ludicrous for a club of our stature. We also want to have a squad that is capable to have a go in the cups.

There is much work to do this summer. Whether it will happen is open to debate.

We’ll be having editorials throughout the close season as occasion allows but the big thing we are working on currently is our Summer Special – 72 pages of reading to keep you topped up over the close season. It will be out a week Friday. Its looking like a belter.

Can I just thank everyone who has bought the fanzine this season but especially those who have contributed to it. We’ve had another good season in terms of sales and traffic on the site etc. We intend to change a few things over the summer and have things improved before the new season kicks off.

Homage to Murcia

Long standing true faith writer, Tony Higgins who regular readers will recognise from his Real Spain articles has his first book out now. Travel with Tony through the undergrowth of Spanish football and life for only £4:99. Only in digital format. Get it on Amazon here.

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