Bob Sneller: It’s been so hot

Maybe it will give you some comfort to know that people have gone through heat waves much worse than this, and somehow most of them survived.

Bob Sneller

Maybe it will give you some comfort to know that people have gone through heat waves much worse than this, and somehow most of them survived.

OK, maybe not a whole lot of comfort there.

Health professionals tell us that the best way to beat the heat these days is to keep cool. Brilliant. Of course, they mean not only “keep cool” from a body-temperature standpoint, but keep cool from an attitude perspective.

If you dwell on the heat, it will only seem hotter. If you are reading this column, in which I am dwelling on the heat, aren’t you feeling a little warmer?

Relief is on the way. If you can keep a sense of humor about it.

I tried fighting the sun with a sunny disposition.

ME: Boy, is it hot!

(MY INNER SELF): No, it’s not so bad. I’ll just make a joke. Would you call a person who is money-mad a doughnut? Wow, that cooled me right down for a few seconds.

(Later)

MY DOCTOR: Well, Bob, how did your mental cooling exercise work?

ME: Not so hot.

DOCTOR: See, it works!

I’m no Johnny Carson, but HOW hot has it really been lately?

- It has been SO hot that I have been spelling days “daze.”

- It has been SO hot that my neighbors’ green peppers turned into red jalapenos.

- It has been SO hot that my head was literally “glued” to the television set during a Cardinals day game.

- It is SO hot that I go to the sauna to cool off.

- It is SO hot I saw a guy with a sign: "Will Work for Shade."

- It is SO hot that I called to find out the temperature and they referred me to the “hot line.”

- I saw a cat chasing a dog and they were both walking, by mutual agreement.

- A neighborhood kid left her Beanie on the sidewalk and now it’s a Baked Beanie.

- I went fishing and caught four hush puppies.

- The casinos have a special slot machine that pays off in ice cubes.

Harry S. Truman said, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” So we are eating outdoors.

Keep cool and thanks for reading. Excuse me now while I take a cold shower.

Neosho Daily News

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