That’s What Friends Are For.

Marjorie, thank you so much for helping me get ready for my date with Todd Harrington. I don’t know what I would have done without you!

Oh, that’s no problem Tiffani. I was happy to help out.

I mean, I just had no idea what to wear, you know? I was having like a total clothing crisis! At first I thought I just go classic with a little black dress but then you pointed out how boring that can be and you know, I think you’re right.

Oh, I’m definitely right on that one! This is so much more…interesting than that simple black sheath you wanted to wear. Honestly Tiffani, you just play it too safe with your fashion choices. You have to take risks, you know?

Right, right….I guess you have a point. And Marjorie? I just wanted to say how completely cool you’re being about this whole thing. I mean, I know that you had a crush on Todd Harrington for a really long time and I felt a little funny about accepting a date with him. But you were just so nice about it, offering to help me get ready and picking out my outfit. I mean, I couldn’t ask for a better friend than you.

Uh huh…well, I just want you to be happy Tiffani. You and Todd Harrington…I want you to be…happy.

Thanks. Okay, you’re sure that this look isn’t too much? I mean…I know the white pants are hot and the sweater is cute, I really like the brown color. But the head thingie…?

Tiffani! That’s the best part! I mean, the whole look would be ruined without that! You HAVE to wear the outfit exactly the way I put it together!

Well. Okay…if you’re sure. But Marjorie….you don’t think it looks like…I don’t know…kind of like a turkey flew into the back of my head?

Okay, if you’re sure. I guess I’m all ready then! Do we have time to practice those dance moves you taught me? I still haven’t really gotten the hang of that one where you scratch your foot on the floor and flap your arms. I know you said it was the newest craze on American Bandstand but it just looks sort of goofy when I do it.

That’s because you’re not flapping hard enough. Let’s go over it again. And make sure you’re really scratching your foot against the floor. Oh, and don’t forgot to bob your head while you do it.

This must be what Cher wears when she goes skiing. She can’t just hit the slopes wearing a parka, mittens, and a little knit hat with a pom-pom on top like us ordinary folks. After all, Cher has to maintain her reputation as a fashion diva.

No, no, no. You have this all wrong. I saw a nature show about a scientist who raised whooping cranes from chicks. He wore a special suit to make him look like a whooping crane to keep the chicks from imprinting on humans. He had a special arm attachment that looked like a beak and showed the chicks how to find food and mates. When the birds were old enough, he released them into the wild.

This young woman is obviously an ornithologist who is trying to preserve the double-crested brown and white-legged northern whistling heron. The strange pose she is making is part of the double-crested brown and white-legged northern whistling heron’s mating dance.

What? You have never heard of the double-crested brown and white-legged northern whistling heron? Well, of course you haven’t. It’s very rare and seldom found in the wild.

Well, if the double-crested, brown and white legged northern whistling heron is even half her size, and if the mating dance works, she’d better run for her life –and shed those tailfeathers while she’s running.

Turkey Head Girl has a friend, I see; Peacock Head Girl is on the cover of Threadbared: Decades of Don’ts from the Sewing and Crafting World (Paperback) by Kimberly Wrenn, Mary Watkins (available in October 2006). Way to go, girls!

Yet again, this site promotes peace and reconciliation between skinny, shiny young women and the rest of us, by making me feel real pity for models. Her facial expression atones for all the benefits of body fascism she could ever reap. Can’t you see her, in a desperate stab at self-control, inwardly chanting “I am a beautiful woman, I am a beautiful woman…”

I believe we’re observing a natural defense mechanism much like the frill around the necks of some lizards. Something has frightened her and she’s attempting to make her head appear larger. If we move closer, then she may hiss and spurt blood from the corners of her eyes.

Maybe this poor woman pictured is part peacock. There are Peruvian tribes that have successfully mated with creatures found in the jungles. This woman could be a result of said tribal rituals. Personally, I find it quite refresing that she has overcome her physical differneces and has found her way in to the modeling world.

Thank you so much for this blog!! Unfortunately, I am reading it and the archives at work. I must laugh silently so I don’t wake my patients up! My eyes are watering!! Please, if you find a pattern with a one-piece coulott (sp) that showcased your moms decorative pattern stitches from her machine, please please share it! Mine was done is psuedo denim, with white scalloped stitches across the bodice. circa 1978.

Warning alert Tiffiny!! It’s almost hunting season in the North West. Partrige and pheasants to be exact. The head gear is a perfect sunburst, a weather and directional guide. See, the bottom right of the picture, it says “Directions on page 8”. Directions for finding your way home to north-country using the top feather as guide to polar north, letting the sun shine over your left shoulder. Just when you think you’re really lost, put this bonnet on and presto you’ve got your bearings; phesant feathers are good for that sort of thing. Carry on Tiffiny! Ditch Marjorie and Todd and find your way home before hunting season starts.