The more in-depth answer: We wanna get back at Nomar. You surely know about the celebrity couple, and while Garciaparra ain’t what he used to be, he’s still playing baseball, believe it or not.

Nomar’s now with the Dodgers and, well, we hate the Dodgers more than rug burns and mosquito bites. Combined. So to spite him, we’ll happily break up his marriage. And home wrecking is something we’re really looking to venture in to.

Why we might not:

The easy answer: Strong thighs.

The more in-depth answer: Ya know how when Nomar comes to bat, he adjusts his batting gloves for like 30 seconds? Wonder if the same transfers to the bedroom. Thing is, Hamm’s now surely gotten used to it. So when you strap up (don’t even dare hit that raw), you’ll probably have to play with your rubber for a few minutes. Adjust, adjust, adjust.

The answer: Think we might need something strong. And maybe mixed with drugs. Hamm’s cute, but not hot. And “cute” could really be a euphemism for “penis shrinking.” Let’s call it a Long Island, two pitchers of Jack (no rocks) and maybe some E.All right, folks. The polls are open (nice new edition, huh?). But don’t shy away from the comments. You have the chance to steal away a sucessful athlete from another successful, yet over-the-hill athlete. And she’s got a soccer body. Whatever that means. Make it happen in the comments…