Humor

Humor is an aid during times of adversity. It provides a brief escape, light-hearted play, a defense mechanism, camaraderie in the face of fear, a declaration of trust, a morale booster, an antidepressant, a respite from heartache, a declaration of dignity, and a transcendence of despair.

Dying people who have enjoyed humor throughout their lives usually want it to continue through their final weeks and can be bummed out by a stream of visitors who are always glum. One chaplain was chided by a dying parishioner who complained, “You used to tell me humorous stories. I am the same person now that I was before the diagnosis. How come you aren’t fun anymore?” (Reported by Rabbi Earl Grollman in When Your Loved One is Dying)

Hospice care seeks both to minimize the discomfort of dying and enhance the quality of life during the final weeks or months. Humor is one means for accomplishing that. On the other hand, too much humor, or misplaced humor, can trivialize the situation, deny the reality, and preclude more direct communication. In addition, laughing can be painful to people with certain abdominal conditions.

“If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don’t want to go there.” ―Martin Luther

“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." ―Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

"After a long life, Patricia was dying. Her family had done everything they thought would make her comfortable at home, including directing all visitors to be brief and talk softly, which are not my strong suits. When the family was out, I dropped by and Patricia proclaimed, 'Thank God it's you! It was getting so damned dull around here!'" ―Live Wire

A mid-seventies guy with awkwardness in his movements that suggested a history of major surgeries had a favorite T-shirt that was emblazoned with, “I still have a few good parts.”

“I am not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” ―Woody Allen

“If my doctor told me I had only six months to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.” ―Isaac Asimov

“Alas, I am dying beyond my means.” ―Oscar Wilde

“I want my living will to stipulate that I spend my last hours sipping a pina colada on Maui” ―(A cartoon by B. Smaller)

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” ―Mark Twain

“Four buddies are talking about death. One asks, ‘When you're in your casket and friends and family gather around, what would you like them to say about you?’ The first guy says, ‘I would like them to pay tribute to my three decades of outstanding leadership.’’ The second says, ‘I want to be remembered as a wonderful husband and devoted father.’ The last guy pipes up plaintively, ‘I hope to hear them say ‘STOP THE FUNERAL, HE'S MOVING.’"

The hard-nosed CEO of a large HMO dies and is surprised to find himself at the gates of heaven. St. Peter shows him to a lakeside villa with great views, a gourmet chef, and a staff of servants. The CEO says, "This is great!" St. Peter warns, "Don't get too comfortable. You're only approved for a three-day stay."

Additional Resources about HumorThe Courage to LaughAllen Klein, 1998.This book provides an extended discussion of the role that humor plays during the end of life. It is also filled with examples of how terminally ill people, and their caregivers, family, and friends, use humor to lift their spirits and reduce their pain.

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