Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Blessings from boldness...

1 John 5:14: "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us."

Exactly two weeks ago, we had our homestudy, and since exactly two weeks ago, I have been anxiously checking our mailbox every day awaiting our approval letter...and, for exactly two weeks, my heart has sunk just a little bit each time I've opened the mailbox and sifted through its contents only to see that no approval letter has come. As you may remember from our blog entry on our homestudy, I wrote this:

How cool would it be to receive our approval letter on (DH's) birthday,
April 10th, and for our baby to come home on my birthday, June 16th?!

So, today (DH's birthday-feel free to fill up his FB wall with birthday wishes!:) I excitedly approached our mailbox because I just *knew* I was going to find out we had been approved! I confidently opened up our mailbox only to find a pamphlet from Old Navy about their annual Stuff and Save. While I do love a free stuff and save bag, I was less than thrilled to see I could save 20% on some new items for my summer wardrobe. I had told DH that if we didn't hear anything by the two week mark that I would send in an Email to check in and make sure we weren't missing anything. So, today I sent an Email to our case worker, but got an automated message back stating she was going to be out of the office until Wednesday. My heart again sank just a little bit, but I reminded myself I just needed to be patient, so I said a prayer and hoped we might hear something tomorrow.

Well, this evening I made a special dinner for DH's birthday. (Lasagna, garlic bread, salad, fresh mixed fruit, and a MUPPETS cake!) As I was in the kitchen, I happened to pick up my phone and saw that I had an Email from our case worker:

I am so sorry about the approval letter. I
have you approved, but C has been out ill for a week so things got
backed up. You will receive your letter and please know you are already
available to be seen by birth
mothers...

I LITERALLY started jumping up and down screaming excitedly and ran over to DH and gave him a big hug, while screaming and showing him the Email. We both immediately called our parents to tell them the news--you'd think we had been matched we were so excited about it! But did you catch the last part of the Email: We "are ALREADY available to be seen by birth mothers"!!! *squeals* It is SO crazy to think that ANY DAY NOW a birth mother could be looking at our letter to her and looking through our scrapbook, and considering us to be the adoptive parents for her baby! (Of course, it won't necessarily happen super quick, but it's a POSSIBILITY now, and that excites me beyond what words can convey!)

But here's the part that just makes my heart leap even more...we found out TODAY, on DH's birthday, just like I have been hoping and praying for these past two weeks. It just felt like such an incredible affirmation from the Lord, "Yes, PB, I'm hearing your requests to me. Continue to seek me BOLDLY!" As I look back on my journal from the past few years, I see entry upon entry pouring my heart's desire out to the Lord for a child, just not understanding why He would give us the desire for a child and not fulfill that longing. Was He even listening? But now I can see He was using that time to PREPARE our hearts for what He had planned for our family--He used that time to prepare our hearts to be open to adoption, He gave us the desire to adopt, and He began paving the way for us to have the ability to adopt. Our time of waiting was a time of preparation. These past few years have reminded me that God's ways are so much higher than ours that we can't always understand His answer or His timing, but we CAN always trust that He is in control and He is answering us. And then these past few weeks have reminded me how sometimes, He does answer us in the way and in the time that we ask. But, no matter when His response comes, He always does respond!

So, tonight I'm so excited--not only that we are one step closer on this amazing journey to expanding our family, but also because I feel such a sense of God's presence all over this. So, happy birthday, DH--you are such a gift to your family, and what a gift we all received today with this exciting news!

Wow Paula Beth! That is amazing! How wonderful and what a faithful God we serve! Reading this has inspired me to start keeping a journal. My family & I are going through a hard time and sometimes I wonder the same thing, "Are You there God, are You listening?" But after reading this, I know He does and I want to be able to see it like you did! Thanks for the inspiration and example of faith! I am so happy for you!!!!!

I am so excited for you because it is an amazing thing that God has put on your heart. I was so excited and blessed when my baby was laid in my arms. God bless you and your family on this enjoyable time.

I loved your reasoning about God. Since we are only human, we cannot understand His reasoning. I cannot understand why he saved me but I have plenty to give thanks to others about God and His love and His grace..

About Me

I go by many names, but my favorites are wife and mommy. The lengthier version though is I am a 29(+6) year old wife of 15 years to my very best friend who I serve alongside in Christian ministry. I teach piano lessons in our home and am a Norwex independent sales consultant (http://www.Paula-BethToller.norwex.biz), but mostly I stay busy as a stay-at-home mommy to our four miracle babies: Lucy: 10, Gabriel: 5, Annie: 3, and Evangeline: 1.
We began this blog to chronicle our adoption journey in 2012. That journey has shaped us so much as a family, so we continue this blog as a way to journal through all God is teaching us as a family. He truly writes the best stories!