Bookseller: Every single man-Jack of them. Not a single one of them in an unsold state. Good morning.

Arthur: Who to?

Bookseller: What?

Arthur: Who are they sold to?

Bookseller: Oh... various... good Lord is that the time? Oh my goodness I must close for lunch.

Arthur: It's only half past ten.

Bookseller: Ah yes, well I feel rather peckish, very peckish actually, I don't expect I'll open again today. I think I'll have a really good feed. I say! Look at that lovely bookshop just across the road there, they've got a much better selection than we've got, probably at ridiculously low prices, just across the road there. (he has the door open) Good morning.

Arthur: But I was told to come here.

Bookseller: (bundling him back in) Well. Well, I see. (very, carefully) I hear the gooseberries are doing well this year, and so are the mangoes. (winks)

Arthur: I'm sorry?

Bookseller: Er... oh... I was just saying, thinking of the weather. I hear the gooseberries are doing well this year... and so are the mangoes.

Arthur: Mine aren't

Bookseller: (nodding keenly, with anticipation) Go on.

Arthur: What?

Bookseller: Go on - mine aren't, but...

Arthur: What?

Bookseller: Aren't you going to say something about 'mine aren't but the Big Cheese gets his at low tide tonight'?

Arthur: No.

Bookseller: Oh, ah, good morning, (starts to bundle him out then stops) Wait. Who sent you?

Arthur: The little old lady in the sweet shop.

Bookseller: She didn't have a duelling scar just here, and a hook?

Arthur: No.

Bookseller: Of course not, I was thinking of somebody else. Good morning.

Brian: All right. Get against the wall Van der Berg, and you nurse. And the first one to try anything moves to a practice six feet underground. This is an anti-tank gun and it's loaded and you've just got five seconds to tell me whatever happened to Baby Jane?

Brian: Oh yes, the fillings, of course. How stupid of me. Right, you've got five seconds. (clears throat) Where are the fillings? Five, four, three, two, one, Zero! (there is a long pause, Brian has forgotten to fire the bazooka but he can't put his finger on what has gone wrong) Zero! (looks at gun) Oh! I've forgotten to fire it. Sorry. Silly day. Very well. (quite rapidly) Five, four, three, two, one.

(A panel slides back and the Big Cheese appears in sight seated in adentist's chair. The Big Cheese is in dentist's gear, wears evil magnifing type glasses and strokes a rabbit lying on his lap.)

Big Cheese (Graham Chapman): Drop the bazooka Brian.

All: The Big Cheese!

(Brian drops the bazooka.)

Big Cheese: I'm glad you could all come to my little party. And Flopsy's glad too, aren't you, Flopsy? (he holds rabbit up as it does not reply) Aren't you Flopsy? (no reply again so he pulls a big revolver out and fires at rabbit from point-blank range) That'll teach you to play hard to get. There, poor Flopsy's dead. And never called me mother. And soon you will all be dead, dead, dead, dead. (the crowd start to hiss him) And because I'm so evil you'll all die the slow way... under the drill.

(Cut to Arthur dressed normally as dentist leaning over patient in chair. He looks up to camera.)

Arthur: You see, I knew there was something going on. Of course, the Big Cheese made two mistakes. First of all he didn't recognize me: Lemming, Arthur Lemming, Special Investigator, British Dental Association, and second... (to patient) ...spit. By the time I got back from lunch I had every dental surgeon in SW1 waiting for them all in the broom cupboard. Funny isn't it, how naughty dentists always make that one fatal mistake. Bye for now, keep your teeth clean.

(Cut to photo of Arthur Lemming, with superimposed caption on screen: 'LEMMING OF THE BDA' Over this we
hear a song.)

Song: (Voice over pre-recorded) Lemming, Lemming... Lemming of the BDA... Lemming, Lemming... Lemming of the BD... Lemming of the BD... BD, BDA.

Voice Over: and Caption on Screen: 'IT'S A MAN'S LIFE IN THE BRITISH DENTAL ASSOCIATION'