Sunday, 29 March 2015

Why we Cheat?

By Melina Macdonald

This
is a question that people in all honesty ask themselves in the silence of their
thoughts not out loud. Why? Because in actual fact the truth hurts.

It
doesn’t really matter whether you are asking why other people are doing it or
why you just did it; the fact is the truth is the most disturbing part of this
dilemma and what actually seems to be becoming a more common occurrence in today’s
busy society.

The
gender is also irrelevant in this topic as quite simply both parties are doing I
it as much as each other. Adult sites have been created just to help people do
this very thing…cheat.

Both
Victoria Milan and Ashley Madison websites, whose target market is married
people looking for affairs, have conducted their own surveys to keep in touch
with what their customer base wants and what their common traits are. The most
amazing statistic to come out of these is that people are having affairs with
people that they find to be less attractive then their spouses. Less! The
common belief that we tend to ‘upgrade’ to a younger hotter version is also not
entirely true with 30% of men and 50% of women having this as an important
factor. However what is common is the same thing I believe to be true, the
lovers seem to be better listeners and more passionate.

I
have written other articles in the past about this very topic…cheating, and
discussed the common occurrence that tends to happen in the brothels. The men
spend the first 45 minutes just talking. They simply just want to be heard. The
last 15 minutes is oral sex 80% of the time and more commonly these days is
that the men want to be the one giving it!

So
if passion and listening is the main reasons for people cheating then why can’t
this be solved at home?

So I
say lets look at the findings and pop a simple plan in place to alleviate the
stresses.

1.Take time
to listen. Why not go for walks together and during this time both just
listen to other person talk with no interruptions and no judgement. Walking is
a great way to get fit and either shed those kilos’s to deal with that
aesthetic reason too.

2.Keep the
passion alive. Why not surprise your partner by changing it up once in a
while. To do this you need to think about a few factors so go look at yourself
in the mirror. How do you hold yourself up? What are you wearing? Ditch the
sloppy Joes because trust me, your partners lover is not dressing like this!
Put effort into how you look and most importantly care about how you look. Note
to both sexes: Buy some sexy underwear.

3.Make time
for sex. For those of you saying out loud right now “but I have kids”…shut
up! This has to be the single biggest excuse for basically ‘procrastinating’
from having sex again (you know who you are). Yes things have changed in your
home environment but we are not talking about a weekend shagging up session. We
are talking about a job that can take minutes to (I’m going to suggest) 30
minutes of your schedule. Make chores a joint effort so kids are in bed by 8pm
and off you go! Relationships are about making time, making things a priority
and nurturing the one factor that brought the two of you together which was
intimacy. It is the single most driving force within a relationship and if you
think it isn’t then your perception of relationships is severely warped. People
with no money, those that are severely overweight and those that have 10 kids
still find time to be intimate (the other common arguments on why people break
up or cheat). So if you want to keep your relationship healthy MAKE TIME now.

4.Try
something new. Relationships can get boring and monotonous. Starting a new
hobby, changing routine every now and again or even roles within a household
can stimulate change. This includes date nights and how you romance your
partner. It can be a hit and miss but as long as you’re trying its great.

5.You need
to be more then just good friends. Lust is a driving force in a long-term
successful relationship. Please note that when I say ‘successful’ I am not
meaning how many years you have been together, I am meaning that you are both
‘in love’ with each other not just ‘love’ each other.

6.Get out
of your comfort zone together occasionally. Ditch the kids and go stay at a
hotel. Its doesn’t have to be a dirty weekend. Just the element of doing
something different is important enough.

My last piece of advice is Piss Off The Fear!

Fear of rejection is the NO#1 factor of
relationship breakdowns. Fear to talk about how you feel, what you want, what
you need, what your passions are, what your desires are and especially what
your sexual fantasies are. This is why people cheat! The fear of approaching there
loved one and being looked at as a freak, dirty, pervert etc. is why they turn
elsewhere. So throw away the fear of rejection and stop living a lie as this in
itself.