Philosophical lines of our time

Sometimes a whole lot of common sense can be compressed into a few words. I’ve been trying to remember all the short philosophies and wise sayings that society has produced down through the ages. Some of these are succinct and savvy, some are dumb, and others are included here just for fun:

• Two wrongs don’t make a right.

• Think before you speak. (Fat chance!)

• Live and let live.

• Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

• Still waters run deep. (Looks like good fishing, too.)

• Waste not, want not. (Recyclers would be pleased.)

• A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. (Be careful if it’s a pigeon, though.)

• There’s a sucker born every minute. (Can you say, “Internet scam?”)

• A fool and his money are soon parted.

• Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. (I’ve never understood that one.)

• They don’t make ’em like they used to. (Which seems true of everything these days.)

• Cash register receipt required for refund. (A cheerful refund?)

• Two’s company, three’s a crowd. (Also a little kinky.)

• Six of one, half a dozen of another. (Adapted from, “It’s all relative.”)

• To err is human, to forgive, divine.

• When the going gets tough, the tough get going. (Or leave.)

• He who laughs last, laughs best. (Try to figure out the logic of that.)

• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

• He who hesitates is lost. (Today’s version, “He who hesitates is probably smarter.”)

• The other line moves faster. (Amen, brother.)

• Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. (Right on, Murphy.)

• Measure twice, cut once. (Better yet, hire a professional.)

• One size fits all. (Wanna bet?)

• The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

• Bad advice is cheap.

• It’s not the money, it’s the principle. (Today’s version, “It’s the money!”)

• Don’t lock the barn after the horse is stolen. (Today’s version, “Install a security system before the break-in, not after.”)

• Good things come to he who waits. (Or, he may miss the opportunity altogether.)

• Hitch your wagon to a star. (Update “wagon” to International Space Station.)

• The early bird catches the worm. (Great, if you’re into worms.)

• Do not remove this label. (Like, if you do, the mattress will self-destruct?)

• All that glitters is not gold. (It’s a merchandising thing.)

• Call in the next 30 minutes for this great offer.

• Never give a sucker an even break.

• The ripest peach is highest on the tree. (Careful with that ladder.)

• I’ll get back to you on that. (I doubt it.)

• The course of true love never runs smooth. (Ahh, reality.)

• One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. (The garage sale credo.)

• Love of money is the root of all evil.

• The customer is always right. (But, not as right as they used to be.)

• Too many cooks spoil the broth. (See any TV cooking show.)

• People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. (Unless they have a very low deductible.)

• It takes two to tango.

• A change is as good as a rest. (But a rest helps, too.)

• You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. (See the Yellow Pages under “Horse Trainers.”)

• Loose lips sink ships. (Eh?)

• Buy one, get one free.

• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

• Two heads are better than one. (That’s the famous lettuce-buying credo.)

• It’s not winning that counts; what counts is how you play the game. (Mind you, winning does feel good.)

• A man’s home is his castle. (If his basement floods is that his moat?)