A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.

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As McCann keeps popping up in the news, usually in a rather unfavorable light,
it was interesting
to read on MAA, that over in the U&K they have just lost the B&Q
account. This is the equivalent of Home Depot over here, and boasted billings of
about $60 million. Yet another nail in the festering coffin of what used to be a
respected agency. Hopefully, Mr. "Diamonds are Forever,” will pull Michael Roth’s
chestnuts out of the fire in time for a humungous Christmas “Performance” bonus.
Speaking of Christmas and chestnuts, check out McCann’s
last effort for the DIY chain… A massive, totally expected, fucking snore
that wouldn’t persuade me to jump into the Reliant Robin and pop down for some
tree decorations. But to be honest, most Christmas retail advertising on both
sides of the pond fucking sucks. Actually, most advertising these days fucking
sucks!

With the news that Proctor & Gamble is axing
thousands of marketing jobs and slashing agency costs by running the same
stultifying boring ads everywhere from Boise, Idaho, to Wigan, Lancashire, to
Kabul, Afghanistan… The BDA’s of the world and their respective BDHC’s are bound
to come up with a variety of “Team” solutions for every possible P&G
product. “Team Charmin” will be tasked with wiping the arses of the
Universe. “Team Head & Shoulders” will be fighting dandruff on a
global basis, even if you wear a fucking turban. P&G’s Global Brand
Building Officer, Marc Pritchard, (What kind of fucking title is that?) Says
the company wants “fewer, bigger creative ideas that can travel around the
world,” resulting in lower agency and production fees by eliminating some
that “don’t add value.” Correct me if I’m wrong here… But I think that
means really cheap shit that will probably have no fucking effect on anyone!
Which in turn means lots and lots of BDA and BDHC layoffs. Welcome to twenty
first century advertising.

I almost fell off my bar stool when I read “The Loft That Mediabistro
Built.” A piece about, Mediabistro (which includes AgencySpy) founder,
Laurel “The Boa Lady” Touby’s SoHo loft in yesterday’s
New York Times... Apparently, when she sold her operation, she walked
with $23 million, and decided to blow a few million of that on a home
“Everyone would be jealous of.” Sorry Laurel, it’s a fucking shithouse.
A perfect example of someone coming in to a pile of loot, then blowing it on
uber expensive modern arty tchotchkes no one in their right fucking mind would
give house room to. Check out the $30,000 couch that looks like it came from a
Greyhound Bus depot. Ouch. Why am I not surprised that the interior was designed
by the same people responsible for “The Museum of Sex.” Anyone wanna buy AdScam
for a mere $23 million? As it's Friday, you know bloody well what I’d spend it on!

Didya see that the Poisoned Dwarf is planning to move WPP headquarters back
to the UK following approval from the board, but this will depend on
its voting shareholders approving the move at a meeting on December 11. Sorrell
had moved the corporate offices to Dublin, Ireland in 2008 in order to avoid UK
taxes, get cheap Guinness and to go shopping for lots of little green leprechaun
suits on O’Connell Street. After the move, his Gnomeship’s Empire will be
renamed New WPP. That's right... New WPP... Does this mean there was something wrong with the Old WPP? Whatever the fucking reason, it will, obviously, have the same board
and management team. So, Sir Martin’s personal cash cow is guaranteed. No
fucking surprise there!

Steve Harrison, the former Worldwide Creative Director of Wunderman, and the
author of the
best fucking book ever written about ad legend Howard Gossage… Or, as Alex
Bogusky refers to him “Harold Gossage,” has a wonderful article on Campaign.UK,
titled “How
advertising can find its purpose.” I highly recommend that you should
read it. In fact, I insist you should read it. Otherwise you might end up in
deep AdScam shit… Which is the last place you would like to end up in.
Seriously, Steve makes some very valid points… I would love your feedback on
this. Also, buy Steve’s book… After
you have bought mine… OK?

AdScamer Josh, has very cleverly dug up a 2009 “Wharton
Leadership & Change” interview with new McCann Uber-Fuhrer, Harris
Diamond. It’s chock full of priceless gems such as “Shoot the
frowners.” Others include such blindingly insightful ones as… “Negative
perceptions can trump positive messages, cultural differences should not be
ignored, and change -- even destructive change -- can be good.” Yes
in-fucking-deed. Harris, I can see nothing but success for McCann from now on.
The interview also points out that while he was running Weber Shandwick, the PR
company advised the milk industry on its "got milk?"
campaign. So there you have it… Obviously Goodby Silverstein + Partners stole
the campaign from a wanky PR company. Better pack up all those Gold Lions, Jeff,
and send them over to McCann. Oh, it also points out that Harris’s first job was
at at Prudential Insurance… That’s right, fucking Prudential insurance. Obviously that’s
where he met Michael Roth… Wheels within fucking wheels… Right? Fuck the Drudge
Report, get your real muck here!

According to AdAge, Nick
Brien will walk with a golden parachute of $4.2 million fucking dollars.
This in addition to the $4 million or so he has made each year for the last three years he
has spent fucking up McCann. He gets this dumpster load of money for, according
to the proxy statement… Being given high marks by top brass for his
efforts to "effect a transition" at McCann, with key accomplishments including:
"significant progress in assessing top talent across the organization and
resulting moves to upgrade capabilities and geographic leadership as
appropriate" and the establishment of "a structure to bring a broad range of
talent and resources to clients, including cross-functional, global teams, and
tapped senior regional leadership to lead this effort." He was also commended
for a "high degree of focus on quality of the agency's creative product" and
"active involvement" in diversity and inclusion activities. Holy
fucking shit… How on earth could anyone write that kind of crap with a straight face? Where
do I apply for a job like that?

When it comes to PetraeusGate, if you’re confused
about who is shagging who, sending thousands of emails, and touching each other
under tables, don’t worry… It’s all explained on Jezebel.com
with the diagram below from a commenter laying it out in a concise graphic
format… Enjoy!

Just to prove that I know fuck all about fuck all… Yesterday,
I forecast that with today's tsunami release of the locked up shares of Facebook,
the stock would tank. I mean the 804 million shares that were due to be released
today would almost double the amount of shares available for social media
cretins to piss their money away on. So, what happens? The stock goes up… Not a bit… But by
almost 13%. Volume of shares trading goes up by 400%. The market in general is
down big-time. The only stocks up are the usual diabolically wanky, social media
criminals, Facebook, Groupon and Zynga. Which as I said, proves I know fuck all
about fuck all… But, as it’s my blog, and I can say what the fuck I like… It does however, definitely prove that stock market investors are stark raving fucking mad.

My good mate, Neil Christie, MD (That’s Major Domo in Britain) of W+K, London,
one of the best fucking agencies on the face of the planet, answers
my question about why on earth Honda would shift its account to the most
boringly banal agency in the world, McGarry Bowen. After looking at this TV
spot you have to wonder if there’s some kind of Japanese mind fucking going
on. A house turns into a tunnel, so you can “Do More New!” What?
Fucking what? And they must have paid millions for the Garrison Keeler voice
over. Does anyone in Britain know who the fuck the guy from Lake Woebegon is?
Maybe it’s just that car marketing people are stupidly fucking crazy, after
Chevy doing Commonwealth and Avis dumping
the best tag line ever, for “It’s your space.” Maybe it means you can do
more new in your space if you live in the Commonwealth. Fucked if I understand
it!