Football is back. I think the point has been well established and yet I cannot stop repeating it. It feels so good.

Feeling less good are the Ravens, who allowed the most points in a game in franchise history and were dealt the worst opening game defeat ever by a defending champ. They had to watch Peyton Manning put up an NFL record tying seven touchdown passes against their defense and were probably going against him in fantasy, too. Plus, Baltimore lost two offensive starters, Michael Oher and Jacoby Jones, to injuries inflicted by their teammates.

While the game was only close for a little more than a half and there was a 30+ minute rain delay at the start, there was still plenty to enjoy about game one of the 2013 season. Let's recap, shall we?

Sure, Peyton Manning threw seven touchdown passes, the first quarterback to do so in a single game since fist fighting old man Joe Kapp in 1969. That's quite impressive. We would mark the achievement, but there are plenty of others who will step up to gush over Pey-Pey. Instead, we celebrate the first Manning Face of the season, which arrived after Broncos defensive end Robert Ayers tried to jump the route on a 3rd and 12 pass to Dallas Clark. Instead of an interception and possibly a touchdown, it resulted in a converted first down for Baltimore and pissy quarterback faces.

A lot of people were concerned why a Ravens player was seen getting frisked coming out of the locker room at the beginning of the game. Apparently there's a more logical reason than the "LOLZ all Ravens carry knives like Ray Lewis". Still, best believe they all carry knives... just to be safe.

Terrell Suggs did his usual Ball So Hard University intro but with a new twist: he's calling himself Hacksaw, which is a slightly less stupid nickname than Sizzle. If this results in him carrying a 2x4 and a big American flag around with him, I say it's a positive image change.

Oh man, just really poor phrasing by Al Michaels saying that Michele Tafoya was gargling in preparation of interviewing Peyton Manning postgame. I think we all get that he was implying the innuendo we all took away. After all, most media people do their gargling while a Peyton Manning interview is going on.

That, however, was appreciated, NBC.

Plenty of nice derps in the game. In particularly, there's John Harbaugh failing to challenge this drop by Wes Welker on third down. Instead, the Broncos drive was extended and resulted in a touchdown.

Worry not, though - there were other, more critical drops by Wes Welker in the game. Granted, the guy also had two receiving touchdowns in the game, but had the score been somewhat closer this would have been a critical flub.

The less said about the Keith Urban concert in Baltimore before the game, the better. I did however appreciate that Baltimore had sppoky light projections over Ray Lewis over the Chesapeake Bay. Gives us another flimsy reason to post this.

Good thing the Ravens think they're getting Dennis Pitta back before the end of the season because Dallas Clark and Ed Dickson were pretty awful for them last night.

RIP Jacoby Jones

Yeah, we already had a separate post about the Danny Trevathan derp at the goal line, but mistakes like this you really have to savor. There was a brief moment where it seemed like it would improbably allow the Ravens to get back in the game. Then they didn't, which was just as enjoyable to me.

#6 Is the reason that some Parents group is going to call up and complain about cheerleaders on TV. As for the game itself The Ravens today should go over to Camden yards and beat the fuck out of Buck Showalter and his useless baseball team. Honestly they couldn’t have played an afternoon game? Fuck you Bud Selig a pre season NFL game gets higher ratings than the fucking World Series.

“The Orioles have great respect for the Super Bowl Champion Ravens and thank Major League Baseball, the MLB Players Association, and the White Sox for doing everything possible to work with us to explore all options to reschedule the September 5 game. We also appreciate the work of the NFL and the Ravens over the past several weeks as we attempted to accommodate the Ravens’ interest in a game the same evening. Given the limited options available to reschedule the game at that late date in the season, the parties jointly determined that even an earlier start time would still create such enormous logistical difficulties that it would greatly diminish the fan experience for both events which all parties realized would not be in the interest of their fans or the City.”

If this was MLB & The Orioles fuck you to the NFL fine. Truth be told The Ravens won The Super Bowl in February. The Orioles schedule was set, but negotiations should’ve have begun in earnest knowing that the NFL always likes to showcase the Super Bowl Champions opening night. Good for you Bud I hope your archiac sport which still refuses to use instant replay sinks further into the abyss of nothing. No one gives a shit about baseball anymore except George Will who’s fucking useless.

I believe Hacksaw’s dance is an interpretive depiction of the emergence of womanhood as it grows, flowers, blooms, and then takes wing from his hands like a bird, rising with power and grace into the new dawn.

I was infuriated by Decker’s drops throughout the evening (especially the touchdown, because the very next pass was a touchdown to Welker, who my opponent had) but looking at Peyton’s stat line calmed me down.

Man, the good old days. If you never got to see Tim Dwight play Hawkeye football, you really missed out. Did you see how far ahead he was of everyone? He wasn’t going full speed. He was the fastest guy ever to suit up in Black and Gold.

Tim Dwight is my forever meast. I once saw him outrun the rest of the Chargers’ offense just to completely human missile himself at a defender to earn Tomlinson (I think) another few yards. Welker has nothing on his grit.

A few records broken at the Fozz household last night:
Number of times the word fuck, cunt, shit, and eat shit were used in the same sentence: 8
Number of beers consumed: 2 (fucking early morning client meeting fuck them.)
Number of times wife left room: 6
Number of poor examples set for my children: 112

Seriously, the Ravens looked like a big bag of flaming shit last night. I’d still watch the game again versus having to watch 9 innings of MLB.