Monday, April 14, 2008

SVH Second Time Around

When I first heard that they were re-releasing SVH for today's teens, I wasn't too please, to say the least. I don't like change that much, especially with things that I loved as a child (I still get pissed at today's Polly Pockets). But, you know,if they just updated the slang and outfits to fit with today, maybe it would be okay. Not so. After reading the "SVH 2008" section on the Dairi Burger and the article on Go Fug Yourself, I'm pissed.

-No Dairi Burger. It's been renamed.-Bruce drives a Cadillac, and doesn't have the 1bruce1 vanity plate. As the LJ group 1bruce1 puts it, "Who the hell gets seduced in a Cadillac?"-Dana Larson is emo and the Droids was also renamed.-No Lisette's. They all shop at name brand stores like Abercrombie and Hollister.-Twins are now a perfect size 4.-Here's Amazon's description of Power Play: "Jessica Wakefield is used to setting off sparks. But when she starts a new, highly selective club—the Sweet Valley High Beautification Committee—she begins a war with her twin sister.

Elizabeth knows that Jessica has more on her mind than simply cleaning up the SVH campus. It’s obvious that the Beauties are out to become the most elite group of girls at school, even if it means walking all over those they deem less worthy. Only one Wakefield can reign supreme. And Liz is determined to show Jessica that the final say on beauty won’t come from a committee vote."

WTF is that shit? No PBA? No fat Robin chowing down on candy bars while Elizabeth gives her a disapproving and condescending look? How can they call this SVH?

I don't know if this series will really do that well, even updated. I mean, look at the Gossip Girl series. They say fuck and have sex and drink and do drugs. SVH tries to make us believe that Jessica is still a virgin. SVH just isn't edgy or mature enough to compete. I read an excerpt of the first one and it was so bad, like an older person throwing in tons of name brands and cool lingo to make themselves sound hip, when really they're just overusing them.

Maybe my love for trashy 80's books and things I grew up with is clouding my judgment, but I have to give the new SVH a big thumbs down. What do you guys think?

11 comments:

Having read the updated versions, I have to agree with you. The changes bug me I mean why give Bruce a Cadillac? Porshe's are so much better and why skip the vanity plate? And just exactly what was wrong with the Dairi Burger? Some of the changes I expected (the twin's being down-sized, some of the brand-names thrown in). If they keep on trying to make us believe the twin's remain virgins (especially Jessica) then I see them flopping, which sucks because I was so ready for Sweet Valley Confidential and I get the feeling that if these don't do well we won't ever see it. You know... I dunno though, you mentioned Gossip Girl and in the books Blair remained a virgin until fairly late in the series, there was definitely some stuff going on but she didn't actually go through with it until later on.

True about Blair, but Nate and Serena's first time was mentioned in either the first or second book, and Dan has Vanessa and Mystery. Plus even though Blair didn't do it at first, she talked and fantasized about it a lot, unlike the twins, who never really made mention of anything besides hugging and kissing. Oh yeah, one time Bruce untied Jessica's bikini top, but Chuck Bass's encounter with Jenny in the bathroom definitely trumps that in my mind. But besides the sex, the characters in Gossip Girl smoke and drink and swear, while the SVH gang are all little pure angels. I guess I just think that teens today are already so used to all the sex and drugs and swearing and stuff that they will look down upon SVH as so pure that it's ridiculous.

And yeah, I want Sweet Valley Confidential, too. It would be especially great if it was actually written as an adult series for an adult audience. I want a 30 year old condescending Liz!

New Polly Pockets piss me off too, but not nearly as much as the SVH books. You're exactly right, they can't compete in todays YA Lit world; they're only valuable as throwbacks. I read an excerpt online and they seem laaaame. (Lamer than usual, I mean!)

I like how they took Fat Robin out (I guess to be more acceptable?) yet changed the twins to size 4.

At least when they revamped the BSC it was only to turn them into graphic novels. Man! Why don't they make SVH comics?!

There is no way they could have "All Night Long" not be without sex and having that title these days. I even thought it was strange when I was like 10. Come on, kids are not that stupid. They know what “all night long” means...Especially when there is a guy with a cliché porno stache on the cover.