ARYA VEER

Arya youths now awake. Beware! There’s too much at stake.
Dharma is in critical state. Rise up now, it is not too late.
Shanti, we chant from age to age. For man is one, told our saint and sage.
History has taught us though, my friend, the world won’t ever the weak defend.
Amongst the aryas massses once, no dearth of saint nor dearth of sage.
Of all mankind we esconded, foremost on world’s vast stage.
The Saffron Flag of Dharma calls. Man! Woman! One and all!
Dharma’s flag will never fall, while we live, not at all.
In our veins flow the blood of Raam, in our minds resound the song of Shyaam.
Higher than Dharma nought is there, higher than Self is Dharma dear.
For Dharma’s sake this life may go, Dharma for weal, Dharma for woe.

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Islamic Silliness

Muhammad humiliates Satan the genie by choking him with his bare hands

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet once offered the prayer and said, “Satan came in front of me and tried to interrupt my prayer, but Allah gave me an upper hand on him and I choked him. No doubt, I thought of tying him to one of the pillars of the mosque till you get up in the morning and see him. Then I remembered the statement of Prophet Solomon, ‘My Lord! Bestow on me a kingdom such as shall not belong to any other after me.’ Then Allah made him (Satan) return with his head down (humiliated).”

Water mixed with dead dogs and menstrual clothes still clean

Narrated AbuSa’id al-Khudri: The people asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him): Can we perform ablution out of the well of Buda’ah, which is a well into which menstrual clothes, dead dogs and stinking things were thrown? He replied: Water is pure and is not defiled by anything.

Wicked wigs

Waqidi said: “The prophet of Allah used to say that I was among those who have little strength for intercourse. Then Allah sent me a pot with cooked meat. After I ate from it, I found strength any time I wanted to do the work.”

Ibn Sa’d’s Kitab Tabaqat Al-Kubra, Volume 8, Page 200

Comments: World renowned Chefs Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey have converted to Islam in hopes of Allah sending them the recipe.

One-shoe walks outlawed

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “None of you should walk, wearing one shoe only; he should either put on both shoes or put on no shoes whatsoever.”

Sheep owners are humble while horse and camel owners are arrogant

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “The main source of disbelief is in the east. Pride and arrogance are characteristics of the owners of horses and camels, and those bedouins who are busy with their camels and pay no attention to Religion; while modesty and gentleness are the characteristics of the owners of sheep.”

Straighten prayer rows to avoid plastic surgery

A drink that gives you wings

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said “If a house fly falls in the drink of anyone of you, he should dip it (in the drink), for one of its wings has a disease and the other has the cure for the disease.”

Narrated Anas: It was said to the Prophet “Would that you see Abdullah bin Ubai.” So, the Prophet went to him, riding a donkey, and the Muslims accompanied him, walking on salty barren land. When the Prophet reached ‘Abdullah bin Ubai, the latter said, “Keep away from me! By Allah, the bad smell of your donkey has harmed me.” On that an Ansari man said (to ‘Abdullah), “By Allah! The smell of the donkey of Allah’s Apostle is better than your smell.” On that a man from ‘Abdullah’s tribe got angry for ‘Abdullah’s sake, and the two men abused each other which caused the friends of the two men to get angry, and the two groups started fighting with sticks, shoes and hands. We were informed that the following Divine Verse was revealed (in this concern):– “And if two groups of Believers fall to fighting then, make peace between them. (Qur’an49:9)”

Sinning with silverware

Comment: If wearing gold or silver is acceptable in Islam, why should eating with silver or gold utensils be an issue?

Inanimate objects awaken from their slumber

Come back!!! Stone stole my clothes

Abu Huraira reported that Moses was a modest person. He was never seen naked and Banu Isra’iI said: (He was afraid to expose his private part) because he had been suffering from scrotal hernia. He (one day) took bath in water and placed his garments upon a stone. The stone began to move on quickly. He followed that and struck it with the help of a stone (saying): O stone, my garment; O stone, my garments, O stone…..

A crying tree misses the Prophet’s sermons

Narrated Jabir bin ‘Abdullah: The Prophet used to stand by a tree or a date-palm on Friday. Then an Ansari woman or man said. “O Allah’s Apostle! Shall we make a pulpit for you?” He replied, “If you wish.” So they made a pulpit for him and when it was Friday, he proceeded towards the pulpit (for delivering the sermon). The date-palm cried like a child! The Prophet descended (the pulpit) and embraced it while it continued moaning like a child being quieted. The Prophet said, “It was crying for (missing) what it used to hear of religious knowledge given near to it.”

Narrated ‘Abdullah: We used to consider miracles as Allah’s Blessings, but you people consider them to be a warning. Once we were with Allah’s Apostle on a journey, and we ran short of water. He said, “Bring the water remaining with you.” The people brought a utensil containing a little water. He placed his hand in it and said, “Come to the blessed water, and the Blessing is from Allah.” I saw the water flowing from among the fingers of Allah’s Apostle , and no doubt, we heard the meal glorifying Allah, when it was being eaten (by him).

Trees as informers

Narrated ‘Abdur-Rahman: “I asked Masruq, ‘Who informed the Prophet about the Jinns at the night when they heard the Qur’an?’ He said, ‘Your father ‘Abdullah informed me that a tree informed the Prophet about them.’”

A saluting stone or a delusional Prophet?

Jabir b. Samura reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: I recognise the stone in Mecca which used to pay me salutations before my advent as a Prophet and I recognise that even now.

Hellfire complains to Allah

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “The (Hell) Fire complained to its Lord saying, ‘O my Lord! My different parts eat up each other.’ So, He allowed it to take two breaths, one in the winter and the other in summer, and this is the reason for the severe heat and the bitter cold you find (in weather).”

Prophet shows how to profit

Abdomen contradicts Allah

Narrated Abu Said: A man came to the prophet and said, ‘My brother has got loose motions. The Prophet said, Let him drink honey.” The man again (came) and said, ‘I made him drink (honey) but that made him worse.’ The Prophet said, ‘Allah has said the Truth, and the abdomen of your brother has told a lie.”

One sneeze, two sneeze, three sneeze, four

Malik related to me from Abdullah ibn Abi Bakr from his father that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “If a man sneezes, invoke a blessing on him. Then if he sneezes, invoke a blessing on him. Then if he sneezes, invoke a blessing on him. Then if he sneezes, say, ‘You have a cold’.” Abdullah ibn Abi Bakr said, “I don’t know whether it was after the third or fourth.”

Allah likes sneezing but hates yawning

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “Allah likes sneezing and dislikes yawning, so if someone sneezes and then praises Allah, then it is obligatory on every Muslim who heard him, to say: May Allah be merciful to you (Yar-hamuka-l-lah). But as regards yawning, it is from satan, so one must try one’s best to stop it, if one says ‘Ha’ when yawning, satan will laugh at him.”

Allah, rain there, not here!

Summary: People’s livestock were dying because of lack of water. On request, Muhammad prayed to Allah who instantly brought so much rain that that caused livestock to die due to excess of water. Then Muhammad told Allah to rain around them, not on them and the rain stopped.

Narrated Sharik: Anas bin Malik said, “A person entered the Mosque on a Friday through the gate facing the Daril-Qada’ and Allah’s Apostle was standing delivering the Khutba (sermon). The man stood in front of Allah’s Apostle and said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle, livestock are dying and the roads are cut off; please pray to Allah for rain.’ So Allah’s Apostle (p.b.u.h) raised both his hands and said, ‘O Allah! Bless us with rain. O Allah! Bless us with rain. O Allah! Bless us with rain!” Anas added, “By Allah, there were no clouds in the sky and there was no house or building between us and the mountain of Silas’. Then a big cloud like a shield appeared from behind it (i.e. Silas Mountain) and when it came in the middle of the sky, it spread and then rained. By Allah! We could not see the sun for a week. The next Friday, a person entered through the same gate and Allah’s Apostle was delivering the Friday Khutba and the man stood in front of him and said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! The livestock are dying and the roads are cut off; Please pray to Allah to withhold rain.’ ” Anas added, “Allah’s Apostle raised both his hands and said, ‘O Allah! Round about us and not on us. O Allah!’ On the plateaus, on the mountains, on the hills, in the valleys and on the places where trees grow.’ ” Anas added, “The rain stopped and we came out, walking in the sun.” Sharik asked Anas whether it was the same person who had asked for rain the previous Friday. Anas replied that he did not know.

Fight polytheists by trimming moustache

Allah loves sneezes (aacchoo!)

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “Allah loves sneezing but dislikes yawning; so if anyone of you sneezes and then praises Allah, every Muslim who hears him (praising Allah) has to say Tashmit to him. But as regards yawning, it is from Satan, so if one of you yawns, he should try his best to stop it, for when anyone of you yawns, Satan laughs at him.”

3x Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter?

(Abu ‘Eesa said: a saheeh hasan hadeeth, 2614) Abu Sa’eed said: Abu Moosa sought permission to enter upon ‘Umar. He said,
Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was once, then he kept silent for a while. Abu Moosa again said,
Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was twice, then he kept silent for a while. Abu Moosa again said,
Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was three times. Then Abu Moosa went away. ‘Umar asked the doorkeeper, What happened? The doorkeeper said, He went away. ‘Umar said, bring him back. When he came back, ‘Umar said, What is this that you have done? Abu Moosa said, It is the Sunnah. ‘Umar said: is it? Then he said, I did not know this…

Interpretation of dreams

Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri: Allah’s Apostle said, “While I was sleeping I saw (in a dream) some people wearing shirts of which some were reaching up to the breasts only while others were even shorter than that. Umar bin Al-Khattab was shown wearing a shirt that he was dragging.” The people asked, “How did you interpret it? (What is its interpretation) O Allah’s Apostle?” He (the Prophet ) replied, “It is the Religion.”

Allah takes away Prophet’s knowledge

Narrated ‘Abdullah: The Prophet said, “Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (an evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief).” Narrated ‘Ubada bin As-Samit: “Allah’s Apostle went out to inform the people about the (date of the) night of decree (Al-Qadr) but there happened a quarrel between two Muslim men. The Prophet said, “I came out to inform you about (the date of) the night of Al-Qadr, but as so and so and so and so quarrelled, its knowledge was taken away (I forgot it) and maybe it was better for you. Now look for it in the 7th, the 9th and the 5th (of the last 10 nights of the month of Ramadan).”

Pus better than poetry

Abu Sa`id Khudri reported: We were going with Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him). As we reached the place (known as) Arj there met (us) a poet who had been reciting poetry. Thereupon Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Catch the satan or detain the satan, for filling the belly of a man with pus is better than stuffing his brain with poetry.

Spit on the left for protection against bad dreams

Narrated Abu Qatada: The Prophet said, “A good dream that comes true is from Allah, and a bad dream is from Satan, so if anyone of you sees a bad dream, he should seek refuge with Allah from Satan and should spit on the left, for the bad dream will not harm him.”

Genetics 101

Narrated Abu Huraira: “A bedouin came to Allah’s Apostle and said, “My wife has delivered a black child.” The Prophet said to him, “Have you camels?” He replied, “Yes.” The Prophet said, “What color are they?” He replied, “They are red.” The Prophet further asked, “Are any of them gray in color?” He replied, “Yes.” The Prophet asked him, “Whence did that grayness come?” He said, “I think it descended from the camel’s ancestors.” Then the Prophet said (to him), “Therefore, this child of yours has most probably inherited the color from his ancestors.”

Prophetic buttocks

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “The Hour will not be established till the buttocks of the women of the tribe of Daus move while going round Dhi-al-Khalasa.” Dhi-al-Khalasa was the idol of the Daus tribe which they used to worship in the Pre Islamic Period of ignorance.

The art of dealing with a fart

Narrated ‘Abbas bin Tamim: My uncle asked Allah’s Apostle about a person who imagined to have passed wind during the prayer. Allah’ Apostle replied: “He should not leave his prayers unless he hears sound or smells something.”

Allah curses tatooed women

Narrated Ibn Mas’ud: Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing or get it done for themselves, and those who remove hair from their faces, and those who create spaces between their teeth artificially to look beautiful, such ladies as change the features created by Allah. Why then shall I not curse those whom Allah’s Apostle has cursed and who are cursed in Allah’s Book too?

Izar dragging causes endless descent

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar: Allah’s Apostle said, “While a man was dragging his Izar on the ground (behind him), suddenly Allah made him sink into the earth and he will go on sinking into it till the Day of Resurrection.”

p7S.22 The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:(1) “Were a man to look at you without permission and you threw a rock at him and knocked out his eye, you would not have committed any offense. ”

(2) “Whoever peeps into a house without its people’s leave, they may put out his eye.”

Overweight omen

Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah’s Apostle said, “On the Day of Resurrection, a huge fat man will come who will not weigh, the weight of the wing of a mosquito in Allah’s Sight.” and then the Prophet added, ‘We shall not give them any weight on the Day of Resurrection’

Searching for the meaning in life… and 3 stones

Narrated Abdullah:
The Prophet went out to answer the call of nature and asked me to bring three stones. I found two stones and searched for the third but could not find it. So I took a dried piece of dung and brought it to him. He took the two stones and threw away the dung and said, “This is a filthy thing.”

Travel under giant tree for 1 hour by horse, or 10 minutes on a Corvette

Economical dry-cleaning in tough times

Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad ibn Umara from Muhammad ibn Ibrahim that the mother of the son of Ibrahim ibn Abd ar-Rahman ibn Awf questioned Umm Salama, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and said, “I am a woman who wears a long skirt and (sometimes) I walk in dirty places.” Umm Salama replied, “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘What follows (i.e. clean places) purifies it.’ ”

Annoying in-laws, a universal phenomena

Narrated ‘Uqba bin ‘Amir:
Allah’s Apostle said, “Beware of entering upon the ladies.” A man from the Ansar said, “Allah’s Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?” The Prophet replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself.

Genies like bones and animal dung

Narrated Abu Huraira:That once he was in the, company of the Prophet carrying a water pot for his ablution and for cleaning his private parts. While he was following him carrying it(i.e. the pot), the Prophet said, “Who is this?” He said, “I am Abu Huraira.” The Prophet said, “Bring me stones in order to clean my private parts, and do not bring any bones or animal dung.” Abu Huraira went on narrating: So I brought some stones, carrying them in the corner of my robe till I put them by his side and went away.

When he finished, I walked with him and asked, “What about the bone and the animal dung?” He said, “They are of the food of Jinns. The delegate of Jinns of (the city of) Nasibin came to me–and how nice those Jinns were–and asked me for the remains of the human food. I invoked Allah for them that they would never pass by a bone or animal dung but find food on them.”

Incantations while having sex

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said, “If anyone of you, when having sexual relation with his wife, say:’In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and prevent Satan from approaching our offspring you are going to give us,’ and if he begets a child (as a result of that relation) Satan will not harm it.”

Cover all your bases

Narrated ‘Amr bin Salama:We were at a place which was a thoroughfare for the people, and the caravans used to pass by us and we would ask them, “What is wrong with the people? What is wrong with the people? Who is that man?. They would say, “That man claims that Allah has sent him (as an Apostle), that he has been divinely inspired, that Allah has revealed to him such-and-such.” I used to memorize that (Divine) Talk, and feel as if it was inculcated in my chest (i.e. mind) And the ‘Arabs (other than Quraish) delayed their conversion to Islam till the Conquest (of Mecca).

They used to say.” “Leave him (i.e. Muhammad) and his people Quraish: if he overpowers them then he is a true Prophet. So, when Mecca was conquered, then every tribe rushed to embrace Islam, and my father hurried to embrace Islam before (the other members of) my tribe. When my father returned (from the Prophet) to his tribe, he said, “By Allah, I have come to you from the Prophet for sure!” The Prophet afterwards said to them, ‘Offer such-and-such prayer at such-and-such time, and when the time for the prayer becomes due, then one of you should pronounce the Adhan (for the prayer), and let the one amongst you who knows Qur’an most should, lead the prayer.”

So they looked for such a person and found none who knew more Qur’an than I because of the Quranic material which I used to learn from the caravans. They therefore made me their Imam ((to lead the prayer) and at that time I was a boy of six or seven years, wearing a Burda (i.e. a black square garment) proved to be very short for me (and my body became partly naked). A lady from the tribe said, “Won’t you cover the anus of your reciter for us?” So they bought (a piece of cloth) and made a shirt for me. I had never been so happy with anything before as I was with that shirt.

Narrated Sahl bin Sad
The people used to offer the prayer with the Prophet with their waist-sheets tied round their necks because of the shortness of the sheets and the women were ordered not to lift their heads till the men had sat straight.

Allah’s advice to his prophets

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “Once while a prophet amongst the prophets was taking a rest underneath a tree, an ant bit him. He, therefore, ordered that his luggage be taken away from underneath that tree and then ordered that the dwelling place of the ants should be set on fire. Allah sent him a revelation:– “Wouldn’t it have been sufficient to burn a single ant?”

Prostitutes can stay out of Hell by helping a thirsty dog

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “A prostitute was forgiven by Allah, because, passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with her head-cover she drew out some water for it. So, Allah forgave her because of that.”

Bodyguard job: Females need not apply

Narrated Abu Musa: Thy Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, “A time will come upon the people when a person will wander about with gold as Zakat and will not find anybody to accept it, and one man will be seen followed by forty women to be their guardian because of scarcity of men and great number of women”.

Looking at genitals or talking during intercourse may cause disabilities for child

Narrated by Abi Hurairah that the prophet PBUH said: If one of you got engaged in intercourse, they shouldn’t look at the genital for that inherits blindness, and not talk too much for that inheritsaphonia (lack of the ability to talk).

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “Once Solomon, son of David said, ‘(By Allah) Tonight I will have sexual intercourse with one hundred (or ninety-nine) women each of whom will give birth to a knight who will fight in Allah’s Cause.’ On that a (i.e. if Allah wills) but he did not say, Allah willing.’ Therefore only one of those women conceived and gave birth to a half-man. By Him in Whose Hands Muhammad’s life is, if he had said, “Allah willing’, (he would have begotten sons) all of whom would have been knights striving in Allah’s Cause.”

Dirty teeth can invalidate a fast

Swallowing bits of food that may be left between the teeth is regarded as eating, so it invalidatesthe fast…

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni, 3/260:

If a person has food between his teeth, one of the following two scenarios must apply:

1 – It is a small amount that he cannot spit out, so he swallows it. This does not invalidate his fast, because it cannot be avoided. It is like saliva. Ibn al-Mundhir said: The scholars are unanimously agreed on that.

2 – It is a large amount and he can spit it out. If he spits it out there is no sin on him, but if he swallows it deliberately, his fast is invalidated according to the majority of scholars, because he has swallowed food that he could have spat out willingly when he is mindful of his fast. So this breaks the fast just as if he deliberately started eating. End quote.

“This Muhammad of yours is a dwarf and fat”

Narrated AbuBarzah:
AbdusSalam ibn AbuHazim AbuTalut said: I saw AbuBarzah who came to visit Ubaydullah ibn Ziyad. Then a man named Muslim who was there in the company mentioned it to me.

When Ubaydullah saw him, he said: This Muhammad of yours is a dwarf and fat. The old man (i.e. AbuBarzah) understood it.

So he said: I did not think that I should remain among people who would make me feel ashamed of the company of Muhammad (peace be upon him).

Thereupon Ubaydullah said: The company of Muhammad (peace be upon him) is a honour for you, not a disgrace. He added: I called for you to ask about the reservoir. Did you hear the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) mentioning anything about it? AbuBarzah said: Yes, not once, twice, thrice, four times or five times. If anyone believes it, may Allah not supply him with water from it. He then went away angrily.

The fact that the old man AbuBarzah ‘understood it’ implies that Ubaydullah’s description of Muhammad as a fat dwarf was accurate.

Watermelons and cucumbers

“If a man makes a hole in a watermelon, or a piece of dough, or a leather skin, or a statue, and has sex with it, then this is the same as what we have said about other types of masturbation [i.e., that it is halaal in the same circumstances given before, such as being on a journey]. In fact, it is easier than masturbating with one’s hand”.
“If a woman does not have a husband, and her lust becomes strong, then some of our scholars say: It is permissible for the woman to take an akranbij, which is a piece of leather worked until it becomes shaped like a penis, and insert it in herself. She may also use a cucumber”.

A Muslim Shia website notes: “Maybe this is another reason why ‘Umar the Khalifa never went on jihad: somebody had to stay behind and organize the cucumber distribution.”

Companions of Muhammad masturbated during Jihad

“If a man is torn between continued desire or releasing it, and if this man does not have a wife or he has a slave-girl but he does not marry, then if a man is overwhelmed by desire, and he fears that he will suffer because of this (someone like a prisoner, or a traveller, or a pauper), then it is permissible for him to masturbate, and Ahmad (ibn Hanbal) is explicit on this. Furthermore, it is narrated that the Companions of the Prophet (s) used to masturbate while they were on military expeditions or travelling“.

Don’t flash Allah

Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet had forbidden: (A) the Mulamasa and Munabadha (bargains), (B) the offering of two prayers, one after the morning compulsory prayer till the sun rises, and the others, after the ‘Asr prayer till the sun sets (C) He also forbade that one should sit wearing one garment, nothing of which covers his private parts (D) and prevent them from exposure to the sky; (E) he also forbade Ishtimal-as-Samma’.

Doodling is a sin!

The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas said:Whatever is images of animate beings such as insects and other living beings is not permissible, even if it is drawn on a blackboard or on paper, and even if the purpose of it is to help in teaching, because it is not essential and because of the general meaning of the evidence concerning that. (Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 1/685)

What is prohibited is making images of animate beings, whether that is engraving or painting on walls or fabric or paper or woven cloth, and whether it is done with a feather or a pen or other equipment, whether the thing is drawn as it is or whether some imaginary element is introduced, so it is made smaller or larger or more beautiful or more ugly, or it is drawn as a stick figure.(Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 1/696)

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

One of the most serious of evils is making images of animate beings and keeping them and using them. There is no difference between that which is three dimensional and that which is on paper, whether it is produced by machines or otherwise. This meaning was mentioned by al-Nawawi in Sharh Saheeh Muslim, and he mentioned that it is the view of the four imams. The hadeeths which emphatically warned against that are well known. (Fataawa Rasaa’il Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem, 13/173)

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said:

Making images of animate beings, whether they are human or otherwise, is undoubtedly haraam and is a major sin, because it is proven that the one who does that is cursed by the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). This is clear, whether they are three-dimensional or drawn by hand. (Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il Ibn ‘Uthaymeen 2/288)

Animals and living things

Muttaqi (God-fearing) monkeys

Narrated ‘Amr bin Maimun: During the pre-lslamic period of ignorance I saw a she-monkey surrounded by a number of monkeys. They were all stoning it, because it had committed illegal sexual intercourse. I too, stoned it along with them.

According to `Amr b. Maymûn : I was in Yemen. Amongst the female goats of my people, I saw that at a heightened place, a male monkey brought along a female monkey and slept while keeping her hand beneath his head. During this time, a young monkey came and signaled the female monkey. She softly removed her hand from beneath the male monkey’s head and went with the young monkey. She fornicated with him and I was watching it. After that, the female monkey returned and was softly trying to put her hand back under the male monkey’s head that he woke up bewildered and smelled her and then screamed.

All the monkeys gathered thereafter. He would point towards her and scream constantly (i.e. she has committed adultery). At last the other monkeys went towards the right left and brought along that young monkey whom I recognized. They dug a hole for this young monkey and the female one and stoned them to death. So I saw monkeys stoning to death too besides the human race.

Taiseer-ul-Baari, volume 2, Page 626

This is consistent with the Qur’an in its claim that Jews (who at one time practiced stoning) were turned into apes:

“And you know well the story of those among you who broke Sabbath. We said to them: “Be apes—despised and hated by all. Thus We made their end a warning to the people of their time and succeeding generation, and an admonition for God-fearing people.”

Unpaid debt to turn into talking snake on Judgement Day

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “On the Day of Resurrection the Kanz (Treasure or wealth of which, Zakat has not been paid) of anyone of you will appear in the shape of a huge bald-headed poisonous male snake and its owner will run away from it, but it will follow him and say, ‘I am your Kanz.'” The Prophet added, “By Allah, that snake will keep on following him until he stretches out his hand and let the snake swallow it.” Allah’s Apostle added, “If the owner of camels does not pay their Zakat, then, on the Day of Resurrection those camels will come to him and will strike his face with their hooves.”

Monkeys and pigs are humans who once played music

Narrated Abu ‘Amir or Abu Malik Al-Ash’ari: that he heard the Prophet saying, “From among my followers there will be some people who will consider illegal sexual intercourse, the wearing of silk, the drinking of alcoholic drinks and the use of musical instruments, as lawful. And there will be some people who will stay near the side of a mountain and in the evening their shepherd will come to them with their sheep and ask them for something, but they will say to him, ‘Return to us tomorrow.’ Allah will destroy them during the night and will let the mountain fall on them, and He will transform the rest of them into monkeys and pigs and they will remain so till the Day of Resurrection.”

Sheeps prefer female babies

Narrated Umm Kurz: I heard the Prophet (may peace be upon him) say: Let the birds stay in their roosts. She said: I also heard him say: Two sheep are to be sacrificed for a boy and one for a girl, but it does you no harm whether they are male or female.

Have flu? Try fresh camel urine

The climate of Medina did not suit some people, so the Prophet ordered them to follow his shepherd, i.e. his camels, and drink their milk and urine (as a medicine). So they followed the shepherd that is the camels and drank their milk and urine till their bodies became healthy.

Women can woof too

Narrated ‘Aisha: The things which annul the prayers were mentioned before me. They said, “Prayer is annulled by a dog, a donkey and a woman (if they pass in front of the praying people).” I said, “You have made us (i.e. women) dogs… ”

Goat ate my Qur’an

‘Aisha: “The verse of the stoning and of suckling an adult ten times were revealed, and they were (written) on a paper and kept under my bed. When the messenger of Allah expired and we were preoccupied with his death, a goat entered and ate away the paper.”

Holy cocks and devil donkeys

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “When you hear the crowing of cocks, ask for Allah’s Blessings for (their crowing indicates that) they have seen an angel. And when you hear the braying of donkeys, seek Refuge with Allah from satan for (their braying indicates) that they have seen a satan.”

The speaking cow

Narrated Abu Huraira: Once Allah’s Apostle; offered the morning prayer and then faced the people and said, “While a man was driving a cow, he suddenly rode over it and beat it. The cow said, “We have not been created for this, but we have been created for sloughing.” On that the people said astonishingly, “Glorified be Allah! A cow speaks!” The Prophet said, “I believe this, and Abu Bakr and ‘Umar too, believe it, although neither of them was present there. While a person was amongst his sheep, a wolf attacked and took one of the sheep. The man chased the wolf till he saved it from the wolf, where upon the wolf said, ‘You have saved it from me; but who will guard it on the day of the wild beasts when there will be no shepherd to guard them except me (because of riots and afflictions)? ‘ ” The people said surprisingly, “Glorified be Allah! A wolf speaks!” The Prophet said, “But I believe this, and Abu Bakr and ‘Umar too, believe this, although neither of them was present there.”

More horse dung and urine equals more heavenly rewards

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “If somebody keeps a horse in Allah’s Cause motivated by his faith in Allah and his belief in His Promise, then he will be rewarded on the Day of Resurrection for what the horse has eaten or drunk and for its dung and urine.”

Lost camels can be returned to their owners but not sheep

Narrated Zaid bin Khalid Al-Juhani
A man asked the Prophet about the picking up of a “Luqata” (fallen lost thing). The Prophet replied, “Recognize and remember its tying material and its container, and make public announcement (about it) for one year, then utilize it but give it to its owner if he comes.” Then the person asked about the lost camel. On that, the Prophet got angry and his cheeks or his Face became red and he said, “You have no concern with it as it has its water container, and its feet and it will reach water, and eat (the leaves) of trees till its owner finds it.” The man then asked about the lost sheep. The Prophet replied, “It is either for you, for your brother (another person) or for the wolf.”

Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu’z-Zubayr al-Makki from Jabir ibn Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Lock the door, tie the waterskin, turn the vessel over or cover it, and put out the lamp. Shaytan does not open a locked door or untie a tied knot, or uncover a vessel. A mouse may set fire to people’s houses about them.”

Israelites turned into rats

The Prophet said, “A group of Israelites were lost. Nobody knows what they did. But I do not see them except that they were cursed and changed into rats, for if you put the milk of a she-camel in front of a rat, it will not drink it, but if the milk of a sheep is put in front of it, it will drink it.” I told this to Ka’b who asked me, “Did you hear it from the Prophet ?” I said, “Yes.” Ka’b asked me the same question several times.; I said to Ka’b. “Do I read the Torah? (i.e. I tell you this from the Prophet.)”

Don’t be late, the angels are watching

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “On every Friday the angels take heir stand at every gate of the mosques to write the names of the people chronologically (i.e. according to the time of their arrival for the Friday prayer and when the Imam sits (on the pulpit) they fold up their scrolls and get ready to listen to the sermon.”

It is narrated on the authority of Abu Sa’id that the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: On the Day of Judgment there will be a flag fixed behind the buttocks of every person guilty of the breach of faith.

Satanic influences

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “During your sleep, Satan knots three knots at the back of the head of each of you, and he breathes the following words at each knot, ‘The night is, long, so keep on sleeping,’ If that person wakes up and celebrates the praises of Allah, then one knot is undone, and when he performs ablution the second knot is undone, and when he prays, all the knots are undone, and he gets up in the morning lively and gay, otherwise he gets up dull and gloomy. ”

Satan urinated in my ears

Narrated ‘Abdullah : A person was mentioned before the Prophet (p.b.u.h) and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer. The Prophet said, “Satan urinated in his ears.”

Devil sleeps in our what?

Abu Huraira reported: The Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) said. When any one of you awakes up from sleep and performs ablution, he must clean his nose three times, for the devil spends the night in the interior of his nose.

Satan tries to interrupt Muhammad

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet offered a prayer, and (after finishing) he said, “Satan came in front of me trying persistently to divert my attention from the prayer, but Allah gave me the strength to over-power him.”

Satan gets unlimited hospital passes

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers, except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead.”

Satan LOL’s at yawning

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “Yawning is from Satan and if anyone of you yawns, he should check his yawning as much as possible, for if anyone of you (during the act of yawning) should say: ‘Ha’, Satan will laugh at him.”

Man talks to Satan for 3 nights and Satan steals his food

Narrated Abu Huraira
Allah’s Apostle deputed me to keep Sadaqat (al-Fitr) of Ramadan. A comer came and started taking handfuls of the foodstuff (of the Sadaqa) (stealthily). I took hold of him and said, “By Allah, I will take you to Allah’s Apostle .” He said, “I am needy and have many dependents, and I am in great need.” I released him, and in the morning Allah’s Apostle asked me, “What did your prisoner do yesterday?” I said, “O Allah’s Apostle! The person complained of being needy and of having many dependents, so, I pitied him and let him go.” Allah’s Apostle said, “Indeed, he told you a lie and he will be coming again.” I believed that he would show up again as Allah’s Apostle had told me that he would return. So, I waited for him watchfully. When he (showed up and) started stealing handfuls of foodstuff, I caught hold of him again and said, “I will definitely take you to Allah’s Apostle. He said, “Leave me, for I am very needy and have many dependents. I promise I will not come back again.” I pitied him and let him go.

In the morning Allah’s Apostle asked me, “What did your prisoner do.” I replied, “O Allah’s Apostle! He complained of his great need and of too many dependents, so I took pity on him and set him free.” Allah’s Apostle said, “Verily, he told you a lie and he will return.” I waited for him attentively for the third time, and when he (came and) started stealing handfuls of the foodstuff, I caught hold of him and said, “I will surely take you to Allah’s Apostle as it is the third time you promise not to return, yet you break your promise and come.” He said, “(Forgive me and) I will teach you some words with which Allah will benefit you.” I asked, “What are they?” He replied, “Whenever you go to bed, recite “Ayat-al-Kursi”– ‘Allahu la ilaha illa huwa-l-Haiy-ul Qaiyum’ till you finish the whole verse. (If you do so), Allah will appoint a guard for you who will stay with you and no satan will come near you till morning. ” So, I released him. In the morning, Allah’s Apostle asked, “What did your prisoner do yesterday?” I replied, “He claimed that he would teach me some words by which Allah will benefit me, so I let him go.” Allah’s Apostle asked, “What are they?” I replied, “He said to me, ‘Whenever you go to bed, recite Ayat-al-Kursi from the beginning to the end —- Allahu la ilaha illa huwa-lHaiy-ul-Qaiyum—-.’ He further said to me, ‘(If you do so), Allah will appoint a guard for you who will stay with you, and no satan will come near you till morning.’ (Abu Huraira or another sub-narrator) added that they (the companions) were very keen to do good deeds. The Prophet said, “He really spoke the truth, although he is an absolute liar. Do you know whom you were talking to, these three nights, O Abu Huraira?” Abu Huraira said, “No.” He said, “It was Satan.”

Satan farts to the sound of the Adhan

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “When the Adhan is pronounced Satan takes to his heels and passes wind with noise during his flight in order not to hear the Adhan. When the Adhan is completed he comes back and again takes to his heels when the Iqama is pronounced and after its completion he returns again till he whispers into the heart of the person (to divert his attention from his prayer) and makes him remember things which he does not recall to his mind before the prayer and that causes him to forget how much he has prayed.”

Babies cry at birth because Satan touches them

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers, except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead.”

Narrated Said bin Al-Musaiyab: Abu Huraira said, “I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, ‘There is none born among the off-spring of Adam, but Satan touches it. A child therefore, cries loudly at the time of birth because of the touch of Satan, except Mary and her child.” Then Abu Huraira recited: “And I seek refuge with You for her and for her offspring from the outcast Satan.” (3.36)

Call of nature related to offensive and wicked things

Narrated Anas: Whenever the Prophet went to answer the call of nature, he used to say, “Allah-umma inni a’udhu bika minal khubuthi wal khaba’ith i.e. O Allah, I seek Refuge with You from all offensive and wicked things (evil deeds and evil spirits).”

Islamic Heaven: “appetizing vaginas” and “ever-erect” penises

Abu Umama narrated: “The Messenger of God said, ‘Everyone that God admits into paradise will be married to 72 wives; two of them are houris and seventy of his inheritance of the [female] dwellers of hell. All of them will have libidinous sex organs and he will have an ever-erect penis.’ ”

Sunan Ibn Maja, Zuhd (Book of Abstinence) 39

“Each time we sleep with a Houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [i.e. Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetizing vaginas.”

Al-Itqan fi Ulum al-Qur’an, p. 351

Allah punishes Muhammad for Safiyah’s capture by making him fall off a camel

Safiyah bint Huyay was a woman that Muhammad captured and married, after killing her husband.

Narrated Anas bin Malik: We were in the company of the Prophet while returning from ‘Usfan, and Allah’s Apostle was riding his she−camel keeping Safiya bint Huyay riding behind him. His she−camel slipped and both of them fell down. Abu Talha jumped from his camel and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! May Allah sacrifice me for you.” The Prophet said, “Take care of the lady.” So, Abu Talha covered his face with a garment and went to Safiya and covered her with it, and then he set right the condition of their shecamel so that both of them rode, and we were encircling Allah’s Apostle like a cover. When we approached Medina, the Prophet said, “We are returning with repentance and worshipping and praising our Lord.” He kept on saying this till he entered Medina.

Tortured in the grave for peeing on himself

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: Once the Prophet, while passing through one of the grave-yards of Medina or Mecca heard the voices of two persons who were being tortured in their graves. The Prophet said, “These two persons are being tortured not for a major sin (to avoid).” The Prophet then added, “Yes! (they are being tortured for a major sin). Indeed, one of them never saved himself from being soiled with his urine while the other used to go about with calumnies (to make enmity between friends). The Prophet then asked for a green leaf of a date-palm tree, broke it into two pieces and put one on each grave. On being asked why he had done so, he replied, “I hope that their torture might be lessened, till these get dried.”

Faeces radiates towards Allah

Narrated Abu Aiyub Al-Ansari: Allah’s Apostle said, “If anyone of you goes to an open space for answering the call of nature he should neither face nor turn his back towards the Qibla; he should either face the east or the west

Black dogs are devils

Abu Dharr reported: The Messenger of ‘Allah (may peace be upon him) said: When any one of you stands for prayer and there is a thing before him equal to the back of the saddle that covers him and in case there is not before him (a thing) equal to the back of the saddle, his prayer would be cut off by (passing of an) ass, woman, and black Dog. I said: O Abu Dharr, what feature is there in a black dog which distinguish it from the red dog and the yellow dog? He said: O, son of my brother, I asked the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) as you are asking me, and he said:The black dog is a devil.

Aminah and her vagina light

According to accepted sirat, Muhammad’s mother had light coming out of her vagina when giving birth to him.

When the prophet came out of his mothers vagina, the light covered the east and the west which reached all the way to Sham (Syria today)

sirat ibn hisham 166

Free a Muslim slave, and save your private parts

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “If somebody manumits a Muslim slave, Allah will save from the Fire every part of his body for freeing the corresponding parts of the slave’s body, even his private parts will be saved from the Fire) because of freeing the slave’s private parts.”

He pees like a woman

Narrated Amr ibn al-‘As: AbdurRahman ibn Hasanah reported: I and Amr ibn al-‘As went to the Prophet (peace be upon him). He came out with a leather shield (in his hand). He covered himself with it and urinated. Then we said: Look at him. He is urinating as a woman does. The Prophet (peace be upon him), heard this and said: Do you not know what befell a person from amongst Banu Isra’il (the children of Israel)? When urine fell on them, they would cut off the place where the urine fell; but he (that person) forbade them (to do so), and was punished in his grave.

If you disagree with the Qur’an you should go hang yourself

Whoso is wont to think (through envy) that Allah will not give him (Muhammad) victory in the world and the Hereafter (and is enraged at the thought of his victory), let him stretch a rope up to the roof (of his dwelling), and let him hang himself. Then let him see whether his strategy dispelleth that whereat he rageth!.

Masturbation leads to a pregnant hand and too much sex leads to death

15. Harm No. 14: Leads to Masturbation
. . .
Just as it is unlawful and forbidden to commit sexual intercourse with a strange man or woman, it is likewise forbidden to masturbate.

Unfortunately, this sin has become widespread in this day and age. In some narrations of Hadith there are severe warnings against this sin. It has been mentioned that the person who masturbates shall be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with a pregnant hand. It has also been mentioned that the ناکح الید (the one who masturbates) is under the curse of Allah. Fulfilling one’s sexual desires in an unlawful manner is obviously impermissible. But one should also be cautious of excessive permissible sex. Too much sexual intercourse spoils the health and drains one’s strength.

Spiritually, one does not get enjoyment in worship and Zikr. If also causes the child to be born weak and frail. It is for this very reason that the Buzurgs have advised to preserve the semen. After 15 to 30 days when there is a strong urge to have sex, only then should one fulfill one’s desire. The lion copulates once a year and from that it breeds offspring.

Similarly, those people who have intercourse after long intervals of time produce strong and healthy children. Therefore, moderation is necessary in sexual relations with one’s wife, otherwise excessive sex can even lead to death. My Shaikh, Hazrat Phoulpoori (رحمۃ اللہ علیہ) narrated to us the incident of an Alim who had a very beautiful wife. Whenever he would come home from running errands and would see his wife, then he would not be able to control himself. He used have so much sexual relations that after six months, instead of discharging semen, blood started to ejaculate from his penis. This eventually led to a severe fever after which he died. Beauty was the cause of his death. This is why I advise to have moderation in permissible things as well. As for the unlawful, then my advice is not to even go near Haraam. May Allah Ta’ala grant us the ability to practice upon what has been said. Amen

Muhammad the inadvertent trend-setter has a temper tantrum

Narrated Ibn. ‘Umar: Allah’s Apostle wore a gold ring or a silver ring and placed its stone towards the palm of his hand and had the name ‘Muhammad, the Apostle of Allah’ engraved on it. The people also started wearing gold rings like it, but when the Prophet saw them wearing such rings, he threw away his own ring and said. “I will never wear it,” and then wore a silver ring, whereupon the people too started wearing silver rings. Ibn Umar added: After the Prophet Abu Bakr wore the ring, and then Umar and then ‘Uthman wore it till it fell in the Aris well from ‘Uthman. bin ‘Umar : Allah’s Apostle wore a gold ring, then he threw it and said, “I will never wear it.” The people also threw their (gold) rings.

Prophet Muhammad’s BO-scented perfume, anyone?

Narrated Thumama: Anas said, “Um Sulaim used to spread a leather sheet for the Prophet and he used to take a midday nap on that leather sheet at her home.” Anas added, “When the Prophet had slept, she would take some of his sweat and hair and collect it (the sweat) in a bottle and then mix it with Suk (a kind of perfume) while he was still sleeping. “When the death of Anas bin Malik approached, he advised that some of that Suk be mixed with his Hanut (perfume for embalming the dead body), and it was mixed with his Hanut.

Moses slaps the Angel of Death

Narrated Abu Huraira: The angel of death was sent to Moses and when he went to him, Moses slapped him severely, spoiling one of his eyes. The angel went back to his Lord, and said, “You sent me to a slave who does not want to die.”…..