Apparently I lost like 100 pounds and was rockin this awesome flowy slinky red dress with some of the most FABULOUS shoes known to man and I had somehow landed a date with Matt Damon.

Nevermind the fact that we’re both married and I’m not even particularly “fond” of Matty…I’m just saying it was a dream and I have no idea how this came to be.

So the next thing you know we are walking down the Strip in Vegas. Me…looking all sexy in my slinky red dress with a waistline like I haven’t seen since high school when my grandma and I handmade my poodle skirt for the 50’s concert that I ROCKED IT IN and had a 27″waist…i digress…

To recap: Me = Sexy, HOT, Mouth Wateringly GORGEOUS. Matt = Dashingly handsome and when he looked at me his eyes lit up and he smiled HUGE.

So we go dancing and I noticed how he wouldn’t hold me really, really close. And then we were browsing through the shops at Caesar’s Palace and this old couple waves us over and asks Matt if he could go in and grab them something and so I sat with the lady and she says how suited we are for eachother…I’m watching him grab the items for the old couple and I lean over to the lady and say, “You know…that’s Matt Damon…”…she replies, “I know, dear. He’s handsome, isn’t he?”…I’m all…”He is, indeed!”. Matt comes out and I grab his arm as we cross the street and he shoots me one of his “I’m Matt Damon” smiles and it melts me and I smile back and then he takes off in a full on sprint and RUNS across the street like he’s Tom Cruise in “The Firm” where the entire last 35 minutes of the movie he’s like FULL ON BOOKIN’ it through the street trying to escape the MOB, only Matt is running away from me!

So he gets accross the street and steals a bike and starts riding his bike down the damn Las Vegas Strip and I’m standing there in the middle of the street just kinda looking as he disappears in the distance, still looking DAMN HOT in my flowy red dress. So I cross the street thinking, “Well…we were heading up to MGM, so I may as well go up there to see if he’s there waiting for me.”

So I wobble the 2 miles up the Strip to the MGM and about this time I wake up thinking, WTF! NO WONDER I DON’T LIKE THAT GUY!!!!!