The only iPhone buyers’ guide you’ll ever need

Did you hear? A new iPhone was announced! And everyone is… kind of excited about it? Sort of? To be fair, it’s not really Apple’s fault that everyone is bored with this phone announcement. We’re roughly six years into the smartphone era, and there just aren’t that many “revolutionary” new advancements that can occur, save for slightly faster processors, and maybe better cameras. This stuff just isn’t impressive any more.

In case you fell asleep at work while a coworker was droning on about the phone’s specs, or about how his Android phone is still way better, or how Apple really needed a “game changer” with this announcement, and missed the whole thing: the new iPhone 5S has a faster processor, a better camera, a fingerprint scanner for security, and comes in three different colors. There’s also a slightly cheaper, stripped down iPhone 5C being offered, that’s made of plastic and comes in five different colors.

Still, you might be asking, “Should I buy one!?”

Well, do you already have a smartphone?

“Yeah, pretty much everyone does at this point. We basically live in the future now.”

“It’s a little slow sometimes, but it still does everything it needs to.”

Okay, then you don’t need to buy the new iPhone.

“But I want to buy one.”

But why?

“I dunno, those colors look kinda cool, the new camera seems better and I haven’t bought anything new in a while.”

Okay, sure, that’s not exactly a good reason to buy anything this expensive, but it sounds like you really want one, so you can buy it at the Apple Store on its release date. Or you could save your money, in case someone announces they’re finally going to release a hoverboard.