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Monday, March 31, 2014

Cersei Lannister, widow
of Robert Baratheon, lover of Jaime Lannister, mother of Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen Baratheon, daughter of Tywin Lannister, sister of Jaime and Tyrion Lannister.Status: Alive,
being terrible in King’s LandingWhy she matters:
Joffrey didn’t get that way by accident. Look at her be nominally less
awful than her son.

Jamie Lannister, Kingsguard
of Joffrey Baratheon, lover of Cersei Lannister, father of Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen Bartheon, son of Tywin Lannister, brother of Cersei and Tyrion Lannister.Status: Alive,
but down a hand at King’s LandingWhy he matters: He
killed KingAerys II Targaryen, fathered King
Joffrey Baratheon, and has gradually made a heel turn. Everybody loves a
good heel
turn.

Tyrion Lannister, former
Hand of the King, brother of Jaime
and Cersei Lannister, son of Tywin Lannister, husband to Sansa StarkStatus: Alive!
Trying to convince Sansa Stark he is
not a monster. After the Red Wedding this effort is going poorly.Why he matters: He’s
the only Lannister likable from the beginning. Although we all want Joffrey deposed, it gives some pause
when you realize what is likely to happen to Tyrion if that does come to pass.

Tywin Lannister, father
of Jaime, Cersei, and Tyrion Lannister, Hand of the KingStatus: Alive,
doing what he can as Hand of the King trying to minimize how awful King Joffrey is.Why he matters: Well
his presence certainly explains how he kids got the way they are. Also the Arya and Tywin show was pretty great wasn’t it?

Joffrey Baratheon,
King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector
of the Realm, son of Cersei and Jaime Lannister, the worst.Status: Alive,
King of Westeros, the worst of the worst.Why he matters: He
is the worst and everybody wants him dead, probably even Cersei, even though she wouldn’t admit it.

Myrcella Baratheon,
daughter of Cersei and Jaime LannisterStatus: Alive,
hanging out in Dorne.Why she matters: She’s
not Joffrey and is not the worst.

Tommen Baratheon, youngest
son of Cersei and Jaime LannisterStatus: Alive!
Hanging out in King’s LandingWhy he matters: Hey
if Joffrey died, Tommen would be King. That wouldn’t be so bad, Tommen seems cool.

Lancel Lannister, squire
to Robert Baratheon, son of Kevan Lannister, brother of Martyn an Wilem LannisterStatus: Alive.
Having gross sex with his cousin and being a knight.Why he matters: He
helps kill Robert Baratheon by
serving him fortified wine on a hunt. While Jaime Lannister is captured he takes Jaime’s place as Cersei
Lannister’s lover.

Kevan Lannister, brother
to Tywin Lannister, father of Lance, Martyn, and Wilem LannisterStatus: Alive,
fighting some Starks.Why he matters: He
gives advice to Tywin. His sons die.
He doesn’t appear to be the worst.

Harys Swyft, grandfather
of Lancel, Martyn, and Wilem Lannister, father-in-law to Kevan LannisterStatus: AliveWhy he matters: Without
his daughter Lancel wouldn’t exist.
Honestly I shouldn’t even mention him. But I said I would mention everyone with
a name who appeared on-screen and…sigh.

Shae, prostitute,
handmaidenStatus: Alive!
Waiting on Sansa Stark Why she matters: She
seems to love Tyrion and he loves
her. She is jealous of Sansa Stark. Tyrion’s
father has threatened to kill her.

Podrick Payne, squire
of Tyrion LannisterStatus: Alive!
He’s one of the few Lannister
loyalists to receive an exclamation point for still existing.Why he matters: He
saves Tyrion Lannister’s life when Ser Mandon Moore attempts to murder
him. He is good at sex.

Martyn Lannister, brother
of Wilem and Lancel Lannister, son of Kevan
LannisterStatus: Dead,
killed by Rickard KarstarkWhy he matters: His
death leads to the beheading of Rickard
Karstark, which leads to the desertion of the Karstark army, which leads to Robb
Stark attending the Red Wedding.

Wilem Lannister,
brother of Martyn and Lancel Lannister, son of Kevan LannisterStatus: Dead,
killed by Rickard KarstarkWhy he matters: His
death leads to the beheading of Rickard
Karstark, which leads to the desertion of the Karstark army, which leads to Robb
Stark attending the Red Wedding.

Alton Lannister, cousin
of Jaime LannisterStatus: Dead,
killed by Jaime LannisterWhy he matters: He
deliever’s Robb Stark’s demands to Cersei Lannister. Also Jaime Lannister is now a kinslayer
along with being a kingslayer. Jaime
Lannister doesn’t care.

Reginald
Lannister, cousin of Lord Tywin
LannisterStatus: Alive,
somewhere in the WesterlandsWhy he matters:
Tywin Lannister hates him because he is an idiot. He gets sent home from
the war for being dumb.

Leo Lefford, vassal
of House LannisterStatus: Alive,
fighting some Starks.Why he matters: He
exists and has a name. He kills Starks
probably, although we never see it.

Adam Marbrand, vassal
of House LannisterStatus: Alvie,
fighting some StarksWhy he matters: He
exists and has a name. He kills Starks probably,
although we never see it.

The Tickler, torturerStatus: Dead!
Killed by Jaqen H’ghar as one of the
names named by Arya StarkWhy he matters: Medieval
torture is particularly gruesome. His death at the hands of Jaqen shows that Braavosi have hidden
talents.

Amory Lorch, knight
of House Lorch, sworn to the LannistersStatus: Dead!
Killed by Jaqen H’ghar as one of the
names named by Arya StarkWhy he matters: He
killed Yoren, and discovers Arya with a stolen letter, which leads
to his death by Jaqen H’ghar. Don’t
mess with Arya or Jaqen.

Gregor Clegane,
the Mountain that Rides, brother of Sandor
CleganeStatus: Alive.
Killing people around Westeros.Why he matters: He’s
killed Beric Dondarrion at least
once. He is so large he called the Mountain that Rides.

Bronn, Knight
Bronn!Status: Alive,hanging around King’s LandingWhy he matters: He
fought for Tyrion Lannister at the
Eyrie and his skilled fighting meant Tyrion
could go free. He is generally pretty awesome.

Rorge, gross
manStatus: Alive,
hanging around HarrenhalWhy he matters: He
seems to like Biter. He yells at Arya Stark. He should die for yelling
at Arya Stark especially after she
saved his life.

Biter, he’s a
biter.Status: Alive,
hanging around HarrenhalWhy he matters: Those
teeth! Who would file their teeth like that?

credit: www.therpf.com

THE KINGSGUARD

Mandon Moore, Knight
of the KingsguardStatus: Dead,
killed by Podrick PayneWhy he matters: He
tried to kill Tyrion Lannister. He also strips and beats Sansa Stark at the behest of Joffrey
Baratheon. I’m glad he’s dead. All
hail Pod!

Balon Swann, Knight
of the KingsguardStatus: Alive,
guarding Joffrey BaratheonWhy he matters: Honestly,
he hasn’t appeared by name, so he doesn’t matter. But he is the one who
replaces Mandon Moore, and there are
only seven kingsguard members so I thought I’d call him out.

(Other members of
the Kingsguard include: Jaime Lannister, see THE LANNISTERS, THEIR VASSELS, AND OTHERS IMPORTANT TO THEM, Barristan
Selmy, see OVER THE SEA, and Sandor Clegane, see INDEPENDENT ACTORS)

Sunday, March 30, 2014

If you liked what you read in Part I, how about some more of the same in Part II?

Art credit: https://flic.kr/p/bBAAZE

Credit: www.calibermag.org

THE BARATHEONS AND THEIR VASSELS

Robert Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm

Status: Dead, gored by a boar after being purposefully over served wine by his squire Lancel Lannister

Why he matters: His friendship with Eddard Stark brings the Starks King’s Landing. His death kicks off the War of Five Kings. His “son” is a monster.

Renly Baratheon, youngest of the Baratheons, pretender to the throne of Westeros.

Status: Dead, killed by Melisandre’s shadow monster.

Why he matters: The most charismatic of the claimants to the throne, Renly was able to raise a large army that may have been a serious threat to King Joffrey’s rule. Unfortunately for Renly magic has returned to the realm and there is no way to defend yourself from a shadow monster.

Stannis Baratheon, oldest of the Baratheons, rightful claimant to the throne of Westeros.

Status: Alive! On his way to the Wall

Why he matters: Stannis is a black hole of charisma and commands no loyalty from any major lords, but does have the respect of both Melissandre and Ser Davos Seaworth. He shows that even with a God, magic, and the law of the realm on your side doesn’t mean that you will win. Also now that he’s going North the events at the Wall will be better tied into the War of the Five Kings.

Selyse Florent

Status: Alive! Being creepy in Dragonstone

Why she matters: Hey Stannis’s wife knows what he is doing with Melissandre and is OK with it, because Stannis’s wife is creepy. Also she hates Davos so she is terrible.

Shireen Baratheon, daughter of Stannis Baratheon and Selyse Florent

Status: Alive! In Dragonstone

Why she matters: Now we know what greyscale is. Also, she helps Ser Davos learn to read which leads to him realizing the White Walkers are the true threat, not Joffrey Baratheon.

Salladhor Saan, pirate-lord of Lys

Status: Alive, pirating it up but not for Stannis

Why he matters: Stannis commands so few troops he must rely on foreign sell-swords. Also Saan saves Ser Davos from death on the rocks. Saan is great.

Gendry, bastard son of Robert Baratheon

Status: Alive! On his way to King’s Landing via rowboat.

Why he matters: He might have the most valid claim to the throne as the only remaining child of Robert Baratheon. He also shows the continuing awesomeness of Ser Davos Seaworth when Davos saves him from Melisandre’s plan to sacrifice him to the Red God.

Melisandre, priestess of R’hllor

Status: Alive! On her way to the Wall.

Why she matters: Her spells have taken out one of the five kings directly and claims they had a hand in the downfall of Robb Stark. She is willing to go to great lengths to have Stannis crowned king of Westeros. She is often at loggerheads with Ser Davos Seaworth who is awesome, but not magical.

Various Bastards of Robert Baratheon, bastards

Status: Dead, on the orders of Joffrey Baratheon

Why they matter: Joffrey is still the worst, look at all those dead babies.

Ser Davos Seaworth, commonborn lord of Stannis Baratheon

Status: Alive! On his way to the Wall with Melisandre and Stannis Baratheon

Why he matters: Whereas Stannis is a black hole of charisma, Davos is extremely charismatic and his actions are noble. He’s a smarter Eddard Stark since at least he knows the game is rigged. He’s the only one who gets the audience not to just hope Danarys Targaryen comes in and burns all of the Lords of Westeros to the ground.

Ser Robar Royce, Kingsguard of Renly Baratheon

Status: Dead.Killed by Brienne of Tarth in self-defense after the death of Renly Baratheon

Why he matters: Don’t mess with Brienne.

Ser Emmon Cuy, Kingsguard of Renly Baratheon

Staus: Dead.Killed by Brienne of Tarth in self-defense after the death of Renly Baratheon

Why he matters: Don’t mess with Brienne.

Cressen, Maester of Stannis Baratheon

Status: Dead. Poisoned himself.

Why he matters: Don’t mess with Melissandre. This Lord of Light fellow might just be something.

Matthos Seaworth, son of Ser Davos Seaworth

Status: Dead, killed at the Battle of Blackwater

Why he matters: We all want Tyrion to succeed but not at the expense of Davos, but you can’t get everything you want.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Earlier today I posted this on Twitter. And so that gives me as good a reason as any to unleash this madness of an idea on the world. You see, my frequest Guest Blogger Dean is a big Game of Thrones fan. And so when he offered to take on the Joycean task of giving on update on the cast of GoT, and he means EVERYONE . . . who am I to say no? I'll take free content and the hubris of it all is appealing to watch.

So, I won't make this post any longer than it already is. It's all yours, Dean.

***

Game of Thrones has one of the most sprawling casts spread out over an entire world to keep track of, and it also has a habit of elevating minor characters into more important roles so with Game of Thrones returning I thought it might be helpful to give a refresher on where the characters both major and minor stand at the start of the season. Obviously there are MAJOR SPOILERS in this post, so keep that in mind (spoilers will be limited to the TV show only, so if you haven’t read the books but have seen all of the show you will be safe).

credit: www.hbo.com

THE STARKS, THEIR VASSELS, AND OTHERS IMPORTANT TO THEM

Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfall, Warden of the North, the King’s Hand

Status: Dead. Beheaded by Ser Ilyn Paine at the behest of King Joffrey Baratheon

Why he matters: Poor dumb Ned Stark kicks this whole messy thing off. If he hadn’t accepted the job of Kings Hand for his friend King Robert Baratheon he never would have investigated the parentage of Joffrey and he would have kept his head. Without him the only claimant to the throne would be Danarys Targaryen.

Status: Dead. Killed at the Red Wedding after cutting the throat of Joyeuse Erenford.

Why she matters: Catelyn has a special knack for taking a situation and then making things worse. By kidnapping Tyrion Lannister she provoked Jaime Lannister into attack her husband. She frees Jaime Lannister which leads to Robb’s bannermen abandoning him, requiring him to make good with Lord Walder Frey to obtain the troops he needs which leads to everyone dying at the Red Wedding.

Robb Stark, son of Eddard Stark and Catelyn Stark

Status: Dead. Killed at the Red Wedding.

Why he matters: He was one of the five kings in The War of the Five Kings. He showed prowess in battle, but he let being honorable supersede being smart. Specifically two mistakes led to his undoing: Rather than father a bastard he breaks his vow with Lord Walder Frey and marries Talisa Maegyr rather than aFrey daughter and rather than take Lord Rickard Karstark hostage after Rickard’s men murder Martyn and Willem Lannister Robb beheads him leading to the loss of the Karstark men. Both actions lead directly to the Red Wedding.

Grey Wind, direwolf of Robb Stark

Status: Dead. Killed at the Red Wedding

Why he matters: He was a direwolf who killed people in battle. Sometimes that’s all you need.

Why she matters: She started the series believing in the fairy tales. She was going to marry her handsome prince and live in her castle and everything was going to be great. But her prince is the monster Joffrey Baratheon, confiding in Cersei Lannister helps lead to her father’s execution, really George R. R. Martin treats her worse than Voltaire treats Candide. She is the naïf that must be taught that the world works differently than the stories, and she must be taught in the worst ways possible.

Lady, direwolf of Sansa Stark

Status: Dead, killed by Eddard Stark

Why she matters:Nymeria, Arya Stark’s direwolf, attacks JoffreyBaratheon. Cersei Lannister orders that Nymeria be killed, but Arya anticipating this forcedNymeria to flee, so Lady is killed in her stead by Eddard Stark. This serves to makes us continue to hate Cersei, show us Eddard’s strong moral code, and drive a wedge between the Stark sisters.

Arya Stark, daughter of Eddard Stark and Catelyn Stark

Status: Alive! In the Riverlands with Sandor Clegane

Why she matters: Arya is awesome. Where Sansa is often a passive character who bemoans her fate without taking active steps to fix it (which, while often frustrating for the viewer, is not exactly an irrational response to her situation), Arya fights against the world.

Nymeria, direwolf of Arya Stark

Staus: Missing

Why she matters: By defending Arya Stark and attack Joffrey Baratheon she leads to the death of Lady.

Brandon Stark, son of Eddard Stark and Catelyn Stark

Status: Alive! Beyond the Wall with Hodor and Jojen and Meera Reed.

Why he matters: His love of climbing shows the true nature of Jaime and Cersei Lannister’s relationship.and leads to his paralyzation. Joffrey Baratheon’splan to assassinate him leads Catelyn Stark to kidnap Tyrion Lannister. He is held hostage by Theon Greyjoy. He also has the ability to enter the body of people and animals, part of what appears to be a reawakening of magic in the world of Westeros and has prophetic visions.

Summer, direwolf of Bran Stark

Status: Alive! Beyond the Wall with Bran Stark

Why he matters: He’s an awesome direwolf. Plus Bran Stark can enter his body and run around in him.

Rickon Stark, son of Eddard Stark and Catelyn Stark

Status: Presumably alive, fleeing the North with Osha and Shaggydog

Why he matters: Honestly he hasn’t really mattered at all yet. It’s generally a surprise when he shows up on screen at all. It’s sad that everyone thinks he is dead though.

Shaggydog, direwolf of Rickon Stark

Status: Presumably alive, fleeing the North with Osha and Rickon Stark

Why he matters: He’s an awesome direwolf, which is more than can be said for Rickon Stark.

Hodor, Hodor

Status: Hodor

Why he matters: Hodor, Hodor, Hodor, HODOR!

Talisa Maegyr, wife of Robb Stark

Status: Dead, killed at the Red Wedding

Why she matters: She is the wrong lesson Robb Stark learned from his father fathering a bastard. Rather than dishonor Talisa he breaks his vow to Lord Walder Frey which leads to their death at the Red Wedding.

Osha, wildling turned servant

Status: presumably alive

Why she matters: She provides early insight into the world of the wildlings beyond the Wall. Also her general skill as a warrior helped Bran and Rickon escape being held hostage by Theon Greyjoy.

Mycah, the butcher’s boy

Status: Dead, killed by Sandor Clegane

Why he matters: Poor Mycah is there as one of the initial instances of how awful Joffrey Baratheon is. Seriously, Joffrey is the worst. He also shows just how little thought most nobles put into the fate of commoners.

Old Nan, servant of House Stark, great-grandmother of Hodor

Status: Dead, passed away between seasons.

Why she matters: She knows all the stories and tells them well.

Rodrik Cassel, Winterfell’s master-of-arms

Status: Dead, killed by Theon Greyjoy

Why he matters: His death erases any remaining sympathy one might have had for Theon Greyjoy.

Jory Cassel, Captain of the Winterfell castle guard.

Status: Dead, killed by Jaime Lannister

Why he matters: The death of everyone loyal to Eddard Stark shows just how alone the Starks are now in King’s Landing

Mordane, septa of Winterfell

Status: Dead, killed in King’s Landing

Why she matters: The death of everyone, not just warriors, loyal to Eddard Stark shows just how alone the Starks are now in King’s Landing.

Maester Luwin, Maester of Winterfell

Status: Dead, euthanized by Osha after being stabbed by Dagmer

Why he matters: He educated Brann Stark. He is able to send word to Robb Stark about the fate of Winterfell.

Vayon Poole, steward of Winterfell

Status: Dead, killed in King’s Landing

Why he matters: The death of everyone, not just warriors, loyal to Eddard Stark shows just how alone the Starks are now in King’s Landing.

Jeyne Poole, daughter of Vayon Poole, friend of Sansa Stark

Status: Unknown

Why she matters: Everyone matters, some more than others.

Farlen, kennelmaster of Winterfell

Status: Unknown, possibly killed during the sack of Winterfell

Why he matters: He stands up to Theon Greyjoy, but not enough to get himself killed.

Palla, daughter of Farlen

Status: Unknown, possibly killed during the sack of Winterfell

Why she matters: I don’t know? She loves her dad and takes care of him after he gets himself beaten?

Mikken, a smith at Winterfell

Status: Unknown, possibly killed during the sack of WInterfell

Why he matters: He crafted Needle for Arya Stark

Syrio Forel, Braavosi swordsman

Status: Possibly (probably?) dead. He was outnumbered and only had a training sword against Ser Meryn Trant, so probably dead…but who knows?

Why she matters: Unlike most other women of Westeros (excluding Brienne of Tarth and the wildlings)she is a warrior, and unlike Brienne no one appears to judge her negatively for it. Don’t mess with the crannogmen.

Why he matters: His death leads to Rickard Karstark making some rash decisions which leads to the Red Wedding (everything leads to the Red Wedding).

Rickard Karstark

Status: Dead, beheaded by Robb Stark

Why he matters: After Rickard kills Martyn and Willem Lannister, Robb Stark decides to execute him rather than keep him hostage. The execution leads to the Karstark retainers abandoning Robb Stark. The loss of forces requires him to try to appease Lord Walder Frey at the Red Wedding.

Greatjon Umber, Lord of Last Hearth, head of House Umber

Status: Alive! Somewhere.

Why he matters: He helped push Robb Stark into declaring himself King of the North. Also he is one of the few Stark bannermen that is actually still alive.

Galbart Glover, Master of Deepwood Motte, Stark bannerman

Status: Alive! Somewhere.

Why he matters: He is a living bannerman of the Starks.

Maege Mormont, Lady of Bear island, vassal of House Stark

Status: Alive! Somewhere.

Why she matters: She is a living bannerman for the Starks.

Brienne of Tarth, sworn sword of Catelyn Stark

Status: Alive! In King’s Landing with Jaime Lannister

Why she matters: Her presence helps humanize Jaime Lannister. Her assistance in the escape of Jaime Lannister leads to the death of Rickard Karstarkwhich leads to the Red Wedding. Her unwillingness to kill a poor farmer leads to her and Jamie’s capture which leads to the loss of Jamie Lannister’s hand. A bear, a bear and the maiden fair.

Why he matters: He releases Jamie Lannister from captivity at Harrenhall. Oh yeah, he also teams up with Lord Walder Frey to stage the Red Wedding and stabs Robb Stark to death. The whole Bolton family is really top notch.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The LOST Rewatch is slowly, sloooowly reawakening from its month (months?) long slumber.
Now that the WWYG URL is mine again and now that the blog is functional and public again and now that Grace has gotten over her fear and shock of Michael shooting Ana Lucia and Libby (SPOILER!) . . . well, we started watching the last episodes of season 2 in the last week or so.

That still leave me probably half of the season that I still haven't officially recapped and blogged on. But baby steps everybody.

Just like how Desmond's sailboat eventually turns back to the Island, no matter where he tries to sail it . . . I WILL return to Why Won't You Grow?! and the LOST Rewatch will begin again.