Monday, April 10, 2017

#AtoZChallenge - Perspectives: Help

Help. Everyone needs it at some time or another. My mother-in-law used the Caneyhead community dialect for help: she'd say "hope". For example, if I was saying I planned to take the baby to the doctor tomorrow, she might say, "I hope you do that." The first few time she did that, I truly thought she was merely expressing that she "hoped" I'd take the baby on to the doctor. I didn't understand she was saying she'd "help" me if I needed it or wanted it. LOL

I have never had any trouble asking for help if I felt I really needed it. Yet, if I truly feel I can accomplish a task on my own, I don't. I've seen many people who seem unable to ask for help. For some it seems to be a matter of pride and they don't want to admit they need it. For others, it often times is the fact that they know their helpers won't know how to do things the way they want them done and feel it will be more hassle than help.

I also don't mind being asked to help someone. If I feel I am capable, I will. My one peeve where this is concerned is when the asker wants to demand a certain time for the task to be done. Say a neighbor asks if I will mow their yard. I say yes. They say, do it tomorrow morning. Well tomorrow morning may be no good for me. I might prefer tomorrow afternoon. I don't mind if they say please mow it sometime before the weekend. But don't demand a certain time of me unless you are asking for help with something that cannot be changed, like a trip to an appointment. To me, that is rude. You're already asking for someone's time. Let them decide when it will be best unless there is some reasonable reason it must be done a certain time.

What about you? Can you ask for help when you need it? Do you mind extended help on a definite time basis when it isn't necessary?

11 comments:

I can ask for help if I really, really need it, but I prefer not to - mainly because I'm asking someone else to inconvenience themselves. I am willing to help others when they need it as well, but like you say, I find it rude when they put demands on the when, unless it's for an appointment or it's urgent. Mowing the lawn doesn't come under the urgent category!

"But don't demand a certain time of me unless you are asking for help with something that cannot be changed, like a trip to an appointment." Oh, I agree with that whole-heartedly! You're already putting someone out to some degree by asking the favor. Don't impose restrictions if you can avoid it.

I have to admit that it is very hard for me to ask for help. I know that it is a false pride thing, and I have worked on that and gotten a degree better over the years. But oh my, how I still hate having to ask for help! I don't mind helping out someone who needs it, and will often volunteer to help before it is asked. But, yes, if someone asks me to do something for them that isn't a time-restrictive thing, then I do think it would be rude for them to demand I time it for their convenience and not theirs.

I hate asking for help, avoid it whenever possible. As for the timing thing, I know what you mean. I was asking for help for my side a to z blog project, and I had to set a deadline for posts to be gotten to me. But I set a deadline. I didn't say, "do it tomorrow". I said, "Could you have this to me by such and such a time?"

I will ask for help if I can't absolutely do it on my own, LOL. I try to fix or solve, etc., but if I get to the end of my rope, then I'll ask for someone's help. Only time I've asked for help by a specific time is if the thing I need to get help for needs to be done by a specific time. For example, we got new couches a few months back. Hubby and me couldn't move the old big one out to the garage. I asked son if he and a friend could come over preferably that day when the new furniture was arriving to move the couch out. Otherwise, if it was something general, then I wouldn't put a time limit on when I wanted it done.

I have a hard time asking for help. For me, it is a learned behavior. It is true for my parents and the grandmother I knew. I know some consider it pride. I think it is also training and the feeling that no one will help you. As a consequence, I help others without their asking when I can.

As far as people who want too much, it gives me a chance to say I can't.

I get better at asking for help as the years go by, but I am more willing and likely to extend help. I also think it's a bit rude to get really specific when you are asking someone for help unless it absolutely has to be done that way at that time, and if someone helps you be appreciative, not critical, they are extending a kindness to you!

I should add that I am also getting better at saying "no" when I am asked to do something that really isn't a good fit or time for me. I stopped being a doormat years ago. And I don't feel guilty if it's something I am unable or unwilling to help with.