Monday, February 06, 2006

Allah Sends Europe a 'Fishy' Message

The following story from UK's The Guardian saves me the trouble of explaining the background to all of this. But this story, and the accompanying photograph, have made the rounds on the jihadist websites, and you guessed it: the jihadists are interpreting it as a message from Allah admonishing the Europeans for mocking the Prophet Muhammad. Furthermore, the fish is beckoning the jihadists to come out to the furthest corners of the Old Country to proclaim the triumph of Islam throughout all of God's earth...It should also be noted that according to Christians, the fish is a symbol of Jesus Christ, hence if this blessed fish brandishes "Allah" and "Muhammad" on its scales, then that is the divine equivalent of Jesus telling his followers to convert to Islam.

Isn't it awesome that a little fish from Singapore just goes ahead and puts an end to a millenia and a half of Muslim-Christian conflict? Some are still sore over losing Aya Sophia, others yet long for the hillsides of Andalus, but now 'Oscar' has brought forth the latest divine revelation: everybody is to be a Muslim, so says God. Now, we call all get along fine. Although there is one little additional footnote: Oscar, speaking to me in a dream, would like everyone to know that should he be split open with a knife, then his entrails would read "ALI"...Yes, not only is everyone supposed to turn Muslim, but specifically Shia Muslim. Oscar also asks that he be taken at his word.

There are going to be a lot of procedural technicalities to sort through: name-changes, turning churches into mosques, mass circumcisions (and yes, Jews will need to do it over), declaring jihad on stragglers...etc.

But it'll be fun! Just remember to vote "Nibras for Caliph" on Election Day!

Why? Because Oscar says so...Only infidels would question Him. You're not an infidel, are you?

As supposed miracles go, Oscar the fish is the best that the town of Waterfoot, near Bury, has ever seen.

Locals flocked to the village's pet shop, Water Aquatic, this week after it was noticed that the markings on the scales of the two-year-old albino Oscar fish mimicked the Arabic script for Allah.

That the other side of the fish appeared to be inscribed with the word Muhammad only served to compound the spectacle. Within hours, Oscar - originally from Singapore - found hordes of locals, paparazzi and national television news reporters peering into his tank.

Mohammed Riaz-Shahid, 38, the manager of the Oasis Fast Food restaurant across the road was quickly appointed interpreter and led the chorus of claims that this was a message from above.

"There's no doubt about it," he said. "The markings are clear to see. Allah on one side, Muhammad on the other."

"Christians, Jews - they all believe in God," he explained. "So God's showing a sign to everyone, a sign that he's here."

Peter Hurst, 17, concurred. "It's a sign of something - no doubt - probably God," he said. "It's amazing, especially for this time of year."

Perhaps the most flabbergasted visitor of all was a man from "a town nearby" who asked to remain anonymous. Last night, he claimed, he had dreamed about a whale with the words Muhammad and Allah inscribed on its head.

"It's real, it's real," he said in awe, biting his fingers. "As soon as I heard I came running. I didn't think twice about the dream until I saw the fish on the television." Eyeing the patterns a little suspiciously, he added: "I hope that wasn't painted on."

On closer inspection, however, he agreed the markings were naturally occurring, and the fish was indeed sent as evidence of God's existence.

But the manager of the shop, Tony Walker, 27, had an altogether different explanation for the "miracle" fish's appearance on his premises.

"I would hope it came to me because I'm an honest man," he said. "Someone up there sent the fish because of the way I choose to run my business."

The owner, Naz Raja, 29, from Nelson near Blackburn, who purchased the fish two weeks ago for £10, told Guardian Unlimited he was less sure about the divine origin of his new pet.

"I bought it because it was beautiful. It might be a sign, I suppose," he said. But a miracle?