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The Yankees lost last night to the first-place Tampa Bay Rays when Mariano Rivera surrendered a walk-off hit to right-fielder Gabe Gross. Read that sentence again, and it’s almost understandable that Hank Steinbrenner is upset. But his trademark bat-shit insane quotes are starting to stray from mere off-the-cuff remarks to borderline self-parody. Here’s an exercise: See if you can pick out the real Hank quote below from among parodies published in The Onion. We’ll even include the headlines, since they’re all equally hard to believe.

• From an article titled “Yankees Bury Bernie Williams Under New Stadium for Good Luck”: "Not that this organization believes in curses. We're the Yankees. We believe the success of our team is based purely on our players and their on-field performance. And we act accordingly."

• From an article titled “Yankees To Build Stadiums In Every MLB City For Away Games”: "The New York Yankees are a proud, venerable franchise that should never have to be subjected to artificial turf, domes, other teams' logos, or anything unfamiliar or unfavorable."

• From an article titled “Report: Hank wants Yanks to play more like Rays”: "This is going to get turned around. If it's not turned around this year, then it will be turned around next year, by force if we have to."