Thursday, May 13, 2010

This is what I found when I got out of the shower yesterday morning. Immediately I asked if I could help. He said yes... I asked what I could do and was told to sit on the stool opposite him and look pretty while I watched.I wasn't any too sure about the pretty aspect at that time of morning, but I was willing to sit and watch.

Don't worry, I made him a cherry chocolate cheese cake and a double batch of monster cookies.

As it worked out, I had an extended weekend with the chef.

I arrived back at Max's house at 10:00 P.M.

The drive was okay. I'm always a bit sad to come back to Dumb Potter's Hell and leave the man behind. This is no longer my home. That's my home up there... that man.

This trip I did not pack much. I took the wall oven...a Whirlpool and had to remove the box and packing to fit in the hatch of the Aspire.

The oven, like the Jenn Air cook top will go into a cabinet that Randy is building for the patio out of oak.

Not much to tell about the weekend extension.

We did put a surround sound in the shop. I got to see a Dr. Who that I had not seen... where the doctor changes into his newest body. I can tell you it was really something with the surround sound. We also watched some great episodes of Firefly and enjoyed listening to a variety of music. Beats the heck out of my MP3 player! Dark Side of the Moon was amazing.

I turned to Randy and said "Can we get recliners for the shop?"

He laughed. I was serious.

Just before I left, his daughter showed up to get some of her things that she was storing there.

She has a new fella and wants us to have a BBQ at our house to introduce him to the family.

So that's looking like this weekend's fun.

She was about to leave when Randy put her on the spot and asked her how she felt about my moving in. She said she was fine with it... we make each other happy, so she's happy. She said she loves me and thinks its great.

Very cool beans.

She did say that she was concerned about her mom, though... because she is used to being at all family events and wondered how her mom would feel. Randy said he didn't see why that would have to change. I piped in that it might be awkward at first for both of us... but we will get along fine.

The question of what her kids call me came up. The littlest showed up one day and called me grandma... before we were a couple. She has done it ever since and last time we had them over for BBQ, her older brother did it too. The real issue here is how their other grandma is going to feel about that. So I told his daughter that I was concerned about not offending her mom on this point. She's going to check it out and see what her mom thinks.

Good plan.

This blending of families is not easy.

It should be if everyone acts like adults.

But that doesn't always happen. Tell me what you think... how would you handle the issue of what the children call me?

19 comments:

When it comes to blended families it's hard to not think of othe other parties involved.. The Ex or kids (if any). BHM and I got together not long after his divorce.. In fact he was still in the thick of it and it wasn't pleasant by any means.. He wanted to be civil, but the other party did not see it that way.. He wanted it to be a win win situation.. His kids were really young and the oldest (CB) was really affected by his Daddy not being there everyday.. I was introduced slowly and it took many years before they accepted me.. it was almost as if they thought I had something to do with their parents getting divorced.. When in fact she was with another man while still married to BHM.. So it was really hard being the outsider and feeling awkward at family functions for a long time.. There aren't many functions that I could handle having his Ex there, but I keep my mouth closed and try to be civil and polite.. It was unfortunate that his Ex was more into nasty words than trying to get along for the kids sake.. They were definitely used as pawns..

So I think that if you guys get along from the beginning and the little ones want to call you Grandma then, I say go for it.. or at least Grandma then your first name.. whatever works.. it seems that everyone does get a long and are respectful of everyone's feelings.. including the kids..

Yay-hooray for you and your "spoilage." Trying to catch up... my earlier estimates of my free time were overly optimistic. I suppose you could always go the route of "Gramma B." or something if need be.

My Mom was very ambivalent about what my children (her first grandchildren) should call her. She didn't want to be Nana, since my MIL is that, and her relationship with my own Nana was difficult. Grandma/Gramma made her feel old. She went with Grammy for a while. Then she heard one of her co-workers was called "Mimi." That's what she went with in the end.

I'm sure you'll work something out. Love the fish-for-breakfast thing. Not everybody gets that. That looks like the mother of all scrambles. Yow.

Of course, here, it's usually fish cakes and baked beans on Sunday, made with the leftover Friday fish and Saturday beans. There's a lot to be said for that.

i think it's excellent that randy's daughter and her kids have been so accepting of you. i think it's very good of you to consider whether the name grandma causes any issues with randy's ex. there are certainly enough variations of grandma-ish names kids use that you could easily be addressed by one of those (nana, nanny, grammy, or whatever regional terms exist in oregon) or even if randy's ex is "grandma" you could be designated "grandnma ananda." my kids have 4 grandmas and even had a great grandmother until she died. each one had her own grandma-ish name.

Cricket-- Fish 24 hours a day would make me happy. We had a lot of fish chowder while I was growing up. That was my mom's solution.

My mom wouldn't fry anything, so our fish was generally poached...or shudder to think about it... overbaked fish sticks. My mother was a wonderful cook but those things she did not like to make came to us as if we were being punished for being there to eat them.

I called one grandma Mimi. One of the older sibs picked it out. I grew up thinking that was her actual name. Her real name was Buena Vista. I still laugh at myself for that one. How could you miss a name like that?

I just want peace and happiness for everyone. I know, those words don't always go with "family". I know his youngest has some sort of problem with my moving in... something to do with his mom. He is 21 but not terribly mature and lives with mom. I think he is protective of her. I understand that.

What I do not understand is all the worry about how the mom is going to feel with me living there. She is the one who left Randy for someone else (who dumped her). I showed up long after all that happened.

lime-- I love the idea of a grandma ananda! I wonder if the 3 year old could roll that off her tongue? Ha.

So far we are good. But the youngest did tell his sis that he did not like me moving in. She says he is worried about how his mom will feel.

I am taking the attitude that I will be me... just myself and not try to become close to anyone. Be friendly, helpful and act the way that I always do. Hopefully they will see that I am good for their dad and truly care about him and that will set their minds at ease.Then we can become friends if nothing else.

I still don't get why his ex would care. Once when my ex was seeing someone new, I ran into her at the store and introduced myself and told her how much my girls loved her and how much I appreciated that. There was never any animosity. My ex and I are divorced for a reason. Is his ex still trying to hang onto him?

This is all going to work out, because you will always be yourself...a kind, friendly, practical person...and because you and Randy are clearly so happy together. Those things will break all the other stuff down pretty easily I suspect.Glad, glad, glad to hear you are being spoiled :-)

laura b.-- Thanks! You flatter me, but I do agree that I need to be just me. I also agree that they will see this is good for everyone. I'm just glad that I have Randy and his mom at my back. That's a big help.

As for Randy, when asked what he would do if one resisted he said he'd tell them it's not their choice, it's his and if they can't be happy for him, then they don't need to come around until they've had a change of attitude.

Works for me. But this is likely all silly worries. I am a friendly person and not bitchy or agressive. They all seem like nice people. I am sure it will work out.

I grew up in a blended family and somehow we managed to learn how to make the times when we were all together work. One New Year's my baby sister, who is the daughter of my father and his stepmother, even came with us to my mother's house to spend the holiday.