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So, I’m sitting here watching “Daredevil,” and, it occurs to me that I am the true daredevil because I am currently giving coconut oil as a hair treatment a second chance. I haven’t washed it out yet, so, to put it in daredevil terms, I’m still waiting to see if my suicycle make it over the metaphorical dog doo stick.

Last time I used coconut oil in my hair, it was a reeeeeal shitshow. I used way too much oil, and I doused every strand from scalp to end. I mean I went TO TOWN with the coconut oil. My head was greasy for days. This time, I used just a few tablespoons of the coconut oil mixed with a couple drops of Rosemary oil, and I only applied it to my scalp. This coconut oil experiment also has a different hypothesis; I’ve been reading about scalp massage to stimulate hair growth, and, hey, sounds good to me. I’m into oils and massages and sensual things like that. It’s also well documented that I’m very into growing locks so long and luscious that I no longer require tops. I massaged my scalp really well, ran the excess oil on my hands through the length of my hair, twirled it all up in my trusty claw clip, and now, I’m just letting the oil do what it do. Whatever that is.

We’ll see how things work out when I take a shower. Fool me once, coconut oil! Fool me once.

UPDATE: I was really scared I was going to end up using dish soap to wash my hair like I had to after the time I used too much oil to remove an ill conceived glue-in quick weave, and no amount of traditional shampoo would degrease me. But, I pulled out the big guns AKA my Pureology clarifying shampoo, and there weren’t any problems washing out the coconut oil. Obviously, I can’t tell yet if this really helps with hair growth, but, at least my scalp doesn’t feel all toight and flaky like it often does after I wash and dry my hair. I’m thinking this Sunday night scalp massage might become part of my weekly beautifying treatment regimen. It felt divine, it smelled good, my hair is soft, my roots aren’t greasy, and my scalp isn’t dry. I made it over the dog doo stick!

Like this:

Back in November, Melt Cosmetics released their newest shade, a juicy, plummy color named Dark Room. When the site went live with the product drop, it was a madhouse. Luckily, having survived the great Missoni for Target Frenzy of 2011, I was prepared. When the dust settled and the lipsticks were sold out, I had my tube, and all was right in my world. Kind of dumb to not buy two, but, I was really in the zone and I had my eyes on the prize.

If you missed the chance to jump on this color in November, it’s coming back in stock, and it’s going to be permanent.

Miss you, nails.

Melt described this lipstick color as the inside of a beet, and that’s pretty accurate. It’s a really rich, sumptuous shade. I liked it best with multiple layers blotted down. It’s matte, and it wears really well. I did a friend’s makeup for her wedding, and we used it to give her a dramatic lip for the reception.

The babely bride and yours truly, wearing Dark Room.

Dark Room will be back in stock on February 4th, so if you want it, get your credit card all cleaned, sharpened, and ready to go. From what I can tell, when Melt restocks, the supply doesn’t last long. Get out there and chase that lipstick! Have you ever experienced the rush of successfully snagging your coveted product during one of these madhouse cosmetics releases? It’s a very triumphant feeling. AND, 7-10 days later, there’s lipstick at your door! BONUS.

Like this:

I’m always on the lookout for new projects to start and abandon. I can’t help it, I’m just really passionate about half knitted scarves! Unfinished crafts are my life’s work.

Every once in a while, I screw up, and one gets done. Like these DIY watercolor mugs I found from Poppytalk.

photo via Poppytalk

Gorgeous, right? I had the idea to put that lovely splash of color on a white ceramic pot as a birthday gift for a green thumbed friend! In my mind, she opens the box, pulls out the pot, and gets a tear in her eye from my beautiful, and very expensive looking, gift that was made all the more special by the fact that I did it with my own little hands. It was a very, very good plan.

Would the owner of this one of a kind piece of functional artwork please raise her hand?

…

…

Ok. I never sent it.

I have a good reason though! It came out, umm, not so good. She would have cried a little tear, but not from being overwhelmed by beauty and friendship.

Sorry, Missy.

Happy birthday?

This was extremely perplexing because my trial run came out pretty nice!

Before I did the pot, I tried the process on a mug. It’s cool! I would have been happy if the pot had come out like this! I’m really sad it didn’t. I kind of feel like I know what I did wrong though, and I want to try it again. I’ve got nail polish out the yang, and a lot of free time. Missy’s birthday might not be licked yet!

I bet you’re waiting to see the fucked up pot. Well, too bad. It’s too crusty looking, and it would bring great shame to our household. I’ll show it off when I get it right! Fingers crossed!

Like this:

I greatly prefer winter weather to summer weather. Like, maybe I have reverse SAD. Days upon days of cloudy weather doesn’t bother me, but, day after day of blistering sun makes me feel crazy and desolate. Stepping outside first thing in the morning to a full blast sun puts me in a cranky mood. Some summer stuff, like spending a day with a friend alternating between dozing on floating rafts and working out a synchronized swimming routine to “Man, I Feel Like a Woman,” is quite divine. Other stuff, like, oh, everything else, is awful. What’s good? Kids are out of school, it’s a thousand degrees, people keep trying to stuff me full of BBQ and then put me in a bathing suit – it’s a nightmare. Winter isn’t totally awesome, I’m not going to pretend I’m not freezing my balls off. I get cold all the way to the bone, I just don’t care because that’s why I have chi dogs and big blankets.

Speaking of chi dogs, someone would like to make his big blog debut today.

Weighing in at 2.3 pounds!

One half of the Tiny Twin Titans of Terror!

I may or may not have been in the grips of a fever delirium when I bought him from a couple standing outside Target with puppies in a laundry basket!

“Dr. Teeth” isn’t his middle name, it’s just his most apropos nickname.

Isn’t he a ladykiller?!

He’s a teeny baby, barely three months old, and he’s just disgustingly cute. Wrinkly neck, ears too big to hold up, curly whiskers! He’s the total package! Even Rowdy came around and now she’s a big sister.

just big sister things

He’s a baby genius, he’s a big chicken, and we love the crap out of him. He’s kind of a willful prick sometimes, and not a day goes by where he doesn’t try to eat my hair, but, nobody’s perfect!

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In other news, when was the last time you watched this?

This song and its video are one of my go-to cures for the blahs. I was feeling kind of blah this morning because of my cold toes and my poor, poor frozen succulents (RIP), but Diamond Dave turned it all around. It’s impossible not to laugh, and dance, and sing along! I mean, I fucking dare you to not AT LEAST do some jazz hands. You can’t do it. This is why we were only meant to have him for so long; if he had stayed on top forever we’d all be dead from high kicks.

What song always cheers you up? Do you agree with Jason that we missed an opportunity to name Gomez “David Chi Roth?”

Like this:

I was, like, not made to live without a beauty team. I guess I can do my own nails, but it’s really better if someone else does them. I’m a Real Housewife, not a real housewife. Know what I mean?

It’s not like I’m particularly bad at doing my nails. I used to be pretty good at it until several months of fills and fresh sets ruined me. I don’t know! I’m so bad at the edges now! This entire mani was invented around avoiding my GD cuticle edges.

A post shared by thelabbunny (@thelabbunny) on Jan 6, 2015 at 6:58pm PST

Allll the areas around my actual nails are the splash zone. Mani specifically designed around avoiding this situation, and I’m still “cleaning up” my nails in the shower. ACK!

OH WELL. This nail art(?) is great because it doesn’t need tape, a steady hand, or, extra brushes. I didn’t even need to sit at the kitchen table to get a level work surface. I did the whole thing kicked all the way back on the couch. I’ll tell you how!

You’re going to need three colors; two for the base, and one for on top. I used two Floss Gloss colors, DONATELLA and MOON BABY, for the base, and GIVE ME THE 1ST DANCE by Nicole by OPI for the top.

First, make haphazard swipes of your base colors on the bottom 3/4 of your nails. Do all ten fingers.

Then, working one nail at a time, dab some of your top color on the tip, sort of lightly pulling the color upwards.

Wipe all the polish off the brush, onto the lip of the bottle.

Drag the brush from the tip to the top of your nail. I liked the silver color for this because it gave everything an antique looking finish. You might need to dab more polish here and there, depending on where you want the coverage. Just make sure you wipe all the excess off the brush for the thinly layered areas. If at any point, your coverage with this color gets too solid, take a q-tip soaked in polish remover, and gently roll it over the areas you want to thin out.

Cover it all with a top coat, and you’re done!

OF COURSE I got polish on my finger here.

You sort of can’t fuck this up. I mean, you can, but, it’s hard. My first finger looked like garbage compared to the rest of them. But, by the time I got to the end, they were looking exactly how I’d hoped. I was even able to go back and fix the ugly one with my q-tip trick! Just be patient with yourself, work with the dabbing and brushing, and you’ll get the hang of it!

Like this:

I love makeup and spending money (and chihuahuas, and pizza, and Jane the Virgin, and big d). I really hate being broke (and bell peppers, and Monty Python, and mansplainers).

Thankfully, the diligent swatchers over at one of my favorite Instagram accounts, DUPE THAT, are all over the buying lots of makeup/still having money dichotomy. They’re in there every day, showing us how often we’re paying extra for luxury brand names. When you collect lipsticks like I do, this is some valuable information.

Like this:

I’m not a resolutions person. Obviously. I mean, here I am, knocking the dust off this blog well into the second (technically third) week of January. A resolutions person would have been here that first Monday. To me, New Year’s resolutions are amateur hour. I’m making and breaking promises to myself 365, BAYBAY!!

How about, instead, you could resolve to have cleaner skin? You don’t even have to buy a new face wash, or an expensive cleansing brush. Are you all ready for my ONE WEIRD TRICK?

Here it is:

Wash your face longer. For 60 whole seconds. That’s it.

Real talk, you guys; I know what you’re doing. I see how quickly you wash your face. I SEE YOU. But, it’s ok! I used to do the same thing! In fact, I considered myself a pretty accomplished face washer. I washed my face every night and most mornings, I used my Clarisonic. I would even wash my face when I was three sheets to an ill wind! Some of the mascara might be left behind, but, I’d AT LEAST use a cleansing wipe. So, pretty good, right? Pretty good, but could be better. Like, maybe better if I didn’t rush through it in just a few seconds. You know, like how washing a fork with soap real fast is good, but making sure you get all the crud off is preferable?

Still not convinced? (Pretend you’re not convinced.) Will a little bit of Beauty School Confidential help? Consider this; a big reason for the effectiveness of a spa facial is the extensive time spent on cleansing. Most estheticians will cleanse your skin twice during a facial. When all is said and done, you’re going to get, probably, a combined five minutes of solid cleanser on skin action. It’s not an accident that your skin is so bright after that! I mean, the default time on my Clarisonic is 60 seconds, and that thing is using sonic vibrations, or whatever, AND bristles. If the Clarisonic needs 60 seconds to get your face clean with all that technology behind it, your sweet lil fingers need at least that long. It’s so easy though! A big part of this cleaner face resolution is the simplicity, because hopefully, you’re already washing your face. So, you don’t have to do a whole new thing, you just have to a regular thing differently.

“But, Sarah,” you might be thinking, “60 seconds is a long time to count! What if I get bored or lose my place? What if I count too fast or too slow? How am I supposed to keep track of the time when I’m in the shower in all my nudely glory?!” It’s easy! Zones, guys. It’s all about zones. Your forehead? ZONE. Nose down to your chin? ZONE. Those precious cheeks? ZONE(S). Three zones, 20 seconds each. That’s all you need to do to get cleaner skin. It’s free, it’s easy, it works!

Since I’ve been making an effort to wash my face more thoroughly, I’ve seen a visible improvement in my skin. I have a lot less tiny white heads around my eye/cheek area, and, I haven’t been getting random, underground, throbbing, volcanic breakouts on my jaw and chin. I even managed to avoid the inevitable eruptions I deal with whenever I get sick, and those are usually really gross, and really hard to kill.

HASHTAG NO FILTER

HASHTAG NO FOUNDATION, too. That’s right. No foundation. I have on a little concealer around my nose to cover some tissue related redness, and, I have on a little under eye brightener. But, that’s it. No foundation, no powder. No filter! Just my clean, moisturized skin. For comparison, here’s an unedited photo from the end of last summer.

I think you can tell a difference. In the first picture my skin looks brighter, clearer, and smoother. I’m wearing a full face in this photo, and my skin still doesn’t look as good. See what I’m saying? I’m not making it up!

Bet you didn’t think it was going to be THAT cheap. A cheap cleanser and your free fingers. That’s all you need. It’s really so easy! Easier than losing weight, easier than kicking your underwear into the hamper, easier than pretty much most things, and you get nicer skin. Happy freaking New Year! So fresh and so clean in 2015!