If one has a buddy who is close enough to get under your skin, you FEEL PAIN but not necessarily despair. For those who feel “bullied”- I wish you could feel what I feel with my wife of TEN years. It HURTS and does hurt OFTEN. That is because my wife, as cool as she is and as difficult as a bond between a guy and woman is- she has it even worse. She was in an accident. She lived. She has a TBI- head injury. She is more… mean.

So I hear of bullying. Yeah? I won’t belittle that! Not even in a young person. But if I am not ending my life, are you the least bit curious what I live for? I mean, the accident virtually killed my wife. I am living with her reincarnation in my same life. I am dedicated to her. It hurts being “the good guy”, faithful and lonely. I have a ghost. That is my buddy.

Want to make fun? Its like… Jesus. Only who knows who he was? Lived 33 years… Feasted with his ENTOURAGE, got arrested, slapped, humiliated… segregated…

B u l l i e d…

Sentenced unfairly. Alone. NO ONE was his friend. Now he is mine. My… Takiri… Teacher, friend. Inside.

No voices

Those are my thoughts

He helps me with my thoughts to

see that:

My thoughts defend me

And

To tell you the truth, “suicide” is not real. But harming yourself is. THAT is the thing to avoid. Harm unto death is the thing people mean by “suicide” but also they mean to imply life is “doable” always.

Hm. There is a death I chose. Not suicide. Not homocide. “Death to self”…

Death to self is giving up OWNERSHIP of your body without being harsh. Scripture and my spirit tell me that death to self and death to sin is very close to what some Buddhists do or crave. To escape “fairly” and REALLY.

My advice is to see your unhealthy relationships where LOVE STILL EXISTS MUTUALLY as “SPARRING”- to be immune to:

Humiliation

BULLIES

To acquire:

Confidence. Self-control.

But…

My conscience INSISTS that I WRITE that above all, entwined with all- is one name… translates thousands of ways. My Real Lord (Vader is fiction. This one is so much tougher AND PUSHY-

WAY TRUTH LIFE JESUS

Some sneer, “He’s the only way.”- but forget to add that he not only lived, died, resurrected for real… he ascended… became one with everything just like the Dali Lama likes his hot dog…

One… With everything

Take my teacher’s hand

Like Terminator he may say:

“Come with me if you want to live.”

I have self harm scars. Big deal.

The Christ bore piercings like you wouldn’t (effing) believe

He also spent 36 months healing with power we know is real according to Eastern science only he was AMPED. PURE. Not a molester, or a killer. Not a coward. And yes he did have A LOT TO SAY but was no Tool…

He was the Snuffed Rooster

Announcing the Day

Declaring power over death

You know Judas- he was sorry he turned on Jesus. He carried more than what was written. Bible does NOT say he went down to hell as Catholics say. Bible says he “went to where he belongs”. He may have cast out demons, healed. He was still human and serves as a warning for Christians I think that we are able to fall and die by our own plan. Yikes. That is bad enough to feel despair and die.

So I don’t stray, pay a prostitute, own a GUN- all those can

Bump Set Spike me

I am terrified but not of death

I am terrified of failure to saueeze thru LIFE

I’m so SAD

My wife was beautiful

She is

I just have to be flexible and

Renewed

Hopeful

Endure pain (Hemophilia H.A.E.) , PTSD from almost bleeding to death

Stress endurance

I’m not going to suicide

But

I am going to suffer…

Still… Its only a matter of time before sensations CHANGE and I sleep

Yesterday was blindingly PAINFUL… I was at a birthday party. My wife R was sitting there and a family member, drunk, pulled back on her neck

I wanted to die… That stopped. You see, a brain injury is worsened by dipshits who grab the neck- vertebrae

My wife woke up THIS MORNING CRYING AND SCREAMING

I HAD A PANIC ATTACK

WANTED TO DIE… It subsided

My mind said:

Play Angry Birds

Drink a Pepsi

…

So I did

That was my Takiri… My other… The living essence of Jesus. He doesnt play those games. I do. They help neural processes for ME…

So that I do not LOSE IT and fight with R over screaming that is not her fault and…

I WILL BE AVENGED in an appropriate way … Not by my effort

Ahhhh

Relief

God’s vengenge finds a FIT

RATIONAL

NOT LIKE Tv weirdo yells about. Tele tubby thumpers

You know-

I have been disciplined by God

I kind of tried to drown myself

Then thought NO

TOO LATE

I WAS IN THE OCEAN

I still wonder if I did not die and THIS is a place beyond death

Why try again if I’m dead?

I am convinced I died

I dont mention that publicly

Nor the angels I meet

Do you want to never suicide?

High five the Christ and die like every hour

Thats where I am at

And sometimes I wonder if hell isn’t a better place for me because I’m 95% immune to pain

I’m a little mixed up

Hell paintings are COOL

I think God is a hallowed master over horrors and beautiful eternal dreams

Paid by Harrison Campaign for United States President fund blown back in time to young me.

Oh, I am 40.
I would comb my hair like Obam-Bam but I am a whitey spud man. Reddish outside, white inside.

We are all bright white inside… at least all us children of the truth… is it hard to tell who is a LIAR?

Well, step outside of THE GAME, friend. I am afraid for 3 reasons that someone at any given time could kill me or one I love and I would love to just make you some crazy pancakes and tell you that I do not smoke weed.

Hell, I would if I had the time and weed and it was legal. I have. That toke isnt halping me now iz it?

For shizzle my brisket fears getting shot wrong. There is a clear view into my bedroom and if I get shot then that is cool. If I live.

If I die I prefer not to hear people crying and glass in the eye would be annoying. The heat sensation from a new tunnel in me would sting. But the lack of nerves around organs if shot through the collar bone would ensure I would scream.

But as I know pain- as a patient of 5 decades since ’74 or ’73, however you wade I would say if I am screaming, my ‘sabrosa’ (soul unit head piece) is ‘atop’ so as to peer to center earth as Christ on the Cross would instruct if you ever took private lessons in his DYING school.

I despise my individuality.

People who say shit and shizzat like me get punched, shot, raped, molested, in all seriousness- because we are beautiful and someone makes a sandwich out of us when we are weak.

Who fears leading?

Leading the way?

Gandalf is real in your imagination. Put him aside.

Ghandi was skinny.

Mother Theresa had a nose.

Jesus had a temper.

Mohammed had a lot of wives. And was perhaps key to the Eternal economics of a perfect modular soceity we all reject.

Now remove the polygamists from before the altar of the High god of gods and so forth, being quasi-specific about the verbage of Hebraic “Elohim” Dr. Phil- not YOUR Dr. Phil- my Dr. Phil who died but looks over my shoulder now, right this moment as we acknowledge that Jesus sits directly behind me. I am sure.
He never left me.
And by his power I am being myself which is to make a paragraph huddle like
North and South America.
And then say I don’t
know what to tell you
about boys who
almost die and go to
heaven.

Because I can tell you with certainty that it is what YOU believe that matters. Not funny blonde bowl cut kid. If he did see Jesus it would be for you and not him and maybe he is super nice or autistic. Children do not tend to commit massive horrendous blasphemy. If a child was sin you could say it like a baby is a poop machine, but see- even poo, though it IS decomposition of dead shit literally… it can be funny.
Praise God, congregates.

I am annuling my personal divorce with the word ‘shit’ but I won’t sat it in church. Much.

I have to live with shit.
I am friended by Joni Earekson Tada who now suffers. She is motherly age to me but if we meet, that’s nice. I would tell her she is sister and share the glory. Of our accomplishments. The invisible ones. Well… one. Drawing in Jesus.

How this works the Whole World around- don’t you worry. Be with him. Live with him. Believe in him. Like Joe Nameth. Only catchier.
Jesus.

Jesus

Jesus

Protect me from the FEAR.

Amen.

If you want to send a love gift- pay it back, forward, left and right… and you will have quadruple-crossed yourself.
No. No.
My math… is wrong.
Don’t even double cross yourself. But DO cross yourself, Jesus. Cross me over your heart in a heart of worship, safety and thankfulness. Protect my way from pride as I HAVE been mouthy and used the mouth I have to talk to police about public safety.

At least that is what my prayer usually consists of. The public domain is a modular representation of God’s wisdom, kingdom, power, authorship… this WORLD is his BLOG.

NICE blog, Sir.

“Señor” is the word for lord in Spanish. Olé? Times up on that time honored tradition. For me anyway. Cannot tell if its pee sea. Oops.

That’s me. Crude. Elemental. A percent. But my eternal self is perhaps beyond percent? I’ll settle for 400%. It’s the new 98.6 & so I do not overheat, I am going to finish by saying
thank you for reading my blog.

My health and circumstances suck and I am paranoid I will die. Well, in 0 or 100 years I think a casket will merge with the product of my eatery-ness. (U R what you eat). Also- there are a lot of American heroes that are NOT American. Like Shakeel Afridi. God bless him! He is persecuted!!