What I’ve Been Needing To Write: The Internet World Becomes TOO Much & Anxiety Over Every Decision.

Even the thought of posting this is inducing anxiety over seeming “attention seeking”.

I was going to schedule this for later on, but I avoid saying this anymore.

Honestly, I have no clue what to do anymore. I feel that over the past two months, the reality of my situation has become so undeniably real, and so excruciating real.And, God knows, how unbelievably grateful and honoured I am to be a part of this amazing community that has made me become more of who I am and has given me a voice when others have tried to take it away from me (this sounds so attention-seeking)

I’m second guessing every single word that I say here, second guessing everything in fear of people taking what I say wrong, or me phrasing something incorrectly, or sounding ungrateful for everything.

But, I think that it’s really hard for people to tell when I’m book-freaking out, or actually FREAKING OUT. Right now, it’s FREAKING OUT.

I want to be reading.

I want to be reading books from ages ago that I didn’t get the chance to read but then I’ll fall behind current new releases that I really want to read. No. They’re all new releases that I feel I HAVE to read otherwise the consequence will be that I “fall behind” and I’ll no longer be relevant to this community and I’ll “lose” my place here.

This sounds ridiculous when I type it out, but on the other hand, I know it’s not because I feel it, and as do other people.

I feel that I HAVE to read all the books, forgetting that I started this because I LOVE to read, not because I felt the need to read to stay relevant. It’s losing it’s worth sometimes because what I think when I read is “dfgjndkg I have to review this too” which is just getting to TOO MUCH WORK on top of other posts, and school work and READING posts, and reading other books. But then, I feel that I have to review books and promote them because that’s what a book blog is “MEANT TO BE“???

I feel that if I’m not reading 6 books a month, while catching up on releases from YEARS ago, and current releases, then I’m not doing a good job.

I want to be posting.

With all the pressure from the online community, but mainly the pressure that I exert on myself, I feel the need that my posts need to constantly be improving. And deliver this content that is MORE THAN PERFECT.But I know that I also need to take a break from blogging because of exams, and studying. BUT if I don’t go on hiatus, then I know that the pressure that I’m feeling from the internet, and the pressure that I put on myself, I will BURN out because I’ll just load on more and more pressure. I feel the constant need that I need to improve and do this, that and the other and that my posts need to be constantly better.

And I feel like I have to constantly improve in order to have a successful blog, and deliver this “PERFECT” content maybe every other day or so.

I actually felt BAD for not posting in FOUR days. I gave myself FOUR days to catch up with school work (the most important thing right now) BUT I STILL FELT BAD for not blogging. Blogging is totally clouding over my priorities. The potential consequences of NOT blogging are totally clouding over my priorities.

I want to be writing.

I spoke about this the other week yesterday in my Rising Author Tag but at the moment I’ve totally sacrificed my writing for studies, and I’m leaving it for the summer. I don’t want to get roped into my WIP out of complete fear that writing will become like blogging: something that I feel I need to spend all my time and energy on.

Obviously, I know that I will have to give myself free time every now and then to function as a human being and not have a breakdown for real, but the thought that I won’t be able to fully commit to this is just infuriating because I’ve spent so long trying to get back into writing and I feel that I have to give it up again. But it’s just not something I’m allowed to prioritise right now.

I want to be responding to comments!! / I want to be reading YOUR posts / I want to be blog hopping.

I want to be giving back to the community that has given me so much. I feel bad for not checking my reader every day. I feel bad for not commenting on every single post there. I feel anxiety over the number of posts in my reader even though I LOVE posts and I remember how much I love reading them and they make me so happy to read.But again, I feel that I’m not giving back to the community enough, even though I like and I comment consistently and I blog hop (weekly). I feel like everything that I’m doing has to constantly get better, and that includes giving back.

I NEED TO BE STUDYING / I NEED TO DO EXTRA WORK.

this is my priority. this should be my priority. I know that it needs to be. I’m scared that all the work that I’m going, and that I’ve planned isn’t going to pay off for the exams. I have 26 exams, in a 5 week period. I have exams such as history (which I write about 15 pages for in an exam) and English Language on the same day, (where I also write about 15 pages). ON THE SAME DAY.

My exams start in MAY but I’m already scared about not having enough time for anything. I‘m scared about going to my teachers to talk about it because that means losing time where I could be studying and I feel bad for pausing to eat for too long, I feel TERRIBLE for taking the morning off so that I can try and relax a bit before I study physics later on for a mock next week. I feel bad for pausing for a second to cry over how stressed I’m getting and to take a moment to feel what I’m feeling and try and process it when I really should be thinking about the Norman invasion and crime and punishment and then the representations of social class and moral responsibility in An Inspector Calls and the themes of Macbeth.

I feel like I’m about to break down. I’m not sleeping, I’m not relaxing, and I’m putting all this pressure on myself and I can’t even look at some people at school without feeling like I’m the worst human on the planet when they were the ones to make ME have some of the worst months considering my mental health. And it seems stupid that I should be panicking over what people think of me when I have all this going on.

And I know that so many people have more stress than me, which is why I feel bad for writing this because it IS attention seeking, and it IS unnecessary because so many other bloggers are going through the same thing and I should be focussing on supporting them rather than focussing on me. And I don’t want to talk about this with anyone because most of my friends don’t know about my blog, actually only blogging friends turned irl know about it, and even if I were to talk about just the school stuff, I know that they’re experiencing the same thing as me, so it seems unfair that I should express this panic while they don’t.

Well, this went wildly off topic and was meant to be about me not knowing whether or not to go on hiatus. I’m scared of what will happen if I go, (and what regardless of whether I go or not) but then I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t.

And now I shall exit slowly like none of this happened and continue on.

Your feelings are valid and so is your anxiety and your experience, this blog post is not attention seeking at all, you have the right to write this, share this and talk about it and more importantly, you should. What matters the most here is that it’s your blog, you should do whatever the heck you want and we will always be there to support you, at least the ones that matters. What matters the most is that you take care of yourself ❤ ❤ Don't be afraid of going on an hiatus, of taking a bit more time to answer to comments and so on. I know I have the very same feeling, but it kind of gets unhealthy at some point and… that's NOT good at all, because it can get to a point where you're feeling burnt out about every single thing and where you'll just stop everything altogether. what matters is that you do you and we all want you to be okay ❤ I'm always here for you if you need to talk, remember that ❤ ❤

HEYY!! I TOTALLY get what you meanhere, honey! Last three months when I went on an unannounced hiatus, I was nervous with ALL the dilemmas that you just stated! YOUA RE RIGHT! Somewhere along the way, we forget the main reason why we are blogging and get lost in this race to FIT IN! I have suffered from this. When I started my first ever blog (a few years back) and you know what I realised? I would not have quite it altogether if I had given myself some time to get my shit together and wait till I canmanage it all better!

So, I amgoing to say to you..FUCK IT!! I mean, you mist have noticed I don’t really blog about YA and hardcore romance books EVEN THOUGH half of the blogging community is about that! I mean, this bothered me in the beginning and I tried to read them, review them, fit in BUT I JUT COULDN’T! I am always more than happy to read others’ reviews and THEN find out good YA books to read but finding the good ones on my own? It’s just TOO MUCH WORK FOR ME! The samegoss for anyone! I mean, if you don’t want to read/post something you don’t like, I’d say DON’T GIVE IN TO THE PRESSURE! But I WOULD advice you one thing that will help you with the managing online/offline life. Make a seperate section for your everyday life and thoughts. I AM TELLING YOU IT WILL HELP! That way, you will still be *in the blogging game* rather than TOTALLY CUT OUT from it as it happens when you go on a hiatus. Just update us with what you are feeling, JUST LIKE YOU DID IN THIS POST!

I don’t know if my words cameout right and if I was successful in comveying my thoughts to you but babe, there is JUST KNE MORE THING I WOULD LIKE TO SAY –

Ahhh nooo, don’t feel that way! I’m still pretty new to the blogging community, but from what I can tell, everyone here is so nice! We’ll all be here for you if you ever need to talk or anything (or even if you want to throw blog slumber parties, if that’s a thing—if not, it should be haha)! I totally understand what you mean, and finding that balance between real life and school and blogging and reading cool blogs et cetera is HARD. Attention-seeking or not, I think you should feel free to express yourself if you want. And ultimately, do what you feel is best! Just know that we’re all here supporting you and your awesome blog! (Sending all the good vibes and internet hugs!)

I shall tell you one thing, followed by a few others but I want you to take this one thing out of this comment: YOU DO NOT HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO BLOG. You do not have an obligation to constantly post and to improve and most certainly, you don’t have an obligation to get stressed over it. What you do have is a RIGHT of your own happiness: you deserve to be happy and stress-free and right now you’re very far from that.

You don’t let yourself relax because of guilt but think about it this way: if you burn out, you’ll upset yourself more. Don’t let yourself fade because of a twisted obligation that you NEED to be doing something, right now or you’ll fail. You are only as strong as you let yourself be, as strong as your breaks and your pauses because you need to let yourself remember that YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Fuck those who pressure you – you give yourself enough pressure on your own.

Never apologise or feel bad for talking about this. In order to help yourself, you need support and understanding from others and I’m really proud that you know this and are taking steps to get that support. With teachers, getting help IS progress – it’s letting yourself remember that your humanity is more important than being a study machine.

You can do this. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t say it. I’m always here when you need a cry, no matter if it’s at midnight or midday. I’ll never judge you because you need to let tears out but more importantly, you need to start NOT feeling guilty about it. Bloggers may feel similarly to you but that doesn’t invalidate your feelings because you have a unique set of thoughts and circumstances. Don’t discount yourself because of others.

This is horrible. (As in, horrible that you feel this way) You need a break and time to de-stress!

I suggest that you go on a loooooooong hiatus. Take the time you need to study. When you feel pretty good about the amount you’ve studied, do some writing for fun. After you are totally sure about yourself, then write out a few posts. Have fun doing it! Read those books you want to read, and write reviews on the ones you WANT to. Abbie recently posted about hiatuses, so here’s a link to that post: http://www.abbiee.com/2018/02/how-to-take-effective-hiatus/

I hate feeling stressed. I’ve been where you are right now, and it’s no fun. If you need someone to vent to, I’m totally open.

Also, make sure to TREAT yourself! Have chocolate! Or some other foods you like! Go to places you like! Hang out with friends! (When you’re feeling better, that is, because you don’t want to spend it feeling stressed; totally ruins the whole point.)

I hope you feel better soon!! We’re here for you, and you shouldn’t have to feel scared to post something that’s so raw and true. 😊

Firstly, your school work is important but it is not as important as YOU. Taking care of yourself as numero uno is the most important thing in this life and you should NEVER feel guilty for doing that.
If you want to take off a morning to relax before a mock — that sounds like a wonderful idea! If you feel better you’ll also do better in your exams in the long run but much more importantly you’ll be happier and more relaxed. You should never ever feel guilty for wanting to prioritize mental health and happiness.

Secondly, on the exams. It sounds like you’re doing GCSEs (I think). I remember doing them, and they suck. Don’t be ashamed to speak out to your friends about feeling overwhelmed, they’re there to support you! You don’t have to “earn” the right to admit you are feeling bad, or drown out your own stress because you think you don’t have it as bad as other people. Going to talk to teachers who will be able to offer you support and guidance sounds like a FAB idea and something you should definitely do — trust me, that’s a more valuable way to spend your time than any amount of revision could be!

Thirdly, if you need to take a break from blogging because it’s getting too much — we will NOT judge you, and we’ll all support you to do that! Blogging should be fun, not a burden. Read what you want, when you want. You don’t have to “earn” your place, you’re already here, and we love this blog! And we’re still going to love it if you go on hiatus!

I’m more than happy to talk if you want, just shoot me a reply and I’ll send you my DM.

Oh, Lu.. Reading this is kind of breaking my heart and makes me want to give you one of the biggest hugs possible..

First of all, you’re NOT an attention-seeking whatever. You’re allowed to feel like this, to share this on YOUR blog, on YOUR piece of the internet. You’re allowed to feel, to be. You simply are. Don’t feel guilty about it and don’t think this comes across as you seeking attention. It’s not. It’s you pretty much giving a cry for help because you’re slowly breaking underneath all the pressure of everything going on in your life.

Life’s hard. Life sucks sometimes. Especially if you have all these different things you want and need to be focusing on. School / study comes first – that’s a given. It’s normal you want to focus on that, invest your time in studying and catching up on schoolwork. You shouldn’t feel guilty about that. Sure, your blog is a big part of your life as well, but it’s school that’s helping you create your future, getting to where you want to be in life. You are SUPPOSED to focus on that.
The pressure of blogging added to that can be hard. I don’t go to school myself, but I’ve seen it with a few fellow bloggers as well and I can easily imagine it’s such a hard thing to do when you’re juggling so many things that take up your “free” time – or what’s supposed to be free time. But, I said it in my post on Friday, I’m saying it now: the pressure blogging gives you is the pressure YOU put on yourself. I, for one, don’t expect you to post every freaking day or every two days or whatever and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. I just want you to be okay and share the love you have for books / reading / whatever. If you’re not feeling up to it, don’t do it. [Seriously, I’d rather have you putting up a post like this, asking for help and understanding, than reading some post where I can see your heart isn’t in it. Or simply have you not posting at all. It’s OKAY not to post.]

Honestly, maybe – just maybe – you should consider taking a hiatus for a while and try figure out what you want to do, don’t want to do or just figure out some kind of schedule that works for you and that allows the pressure to lessen – or hopefully just disappear. We can’t have you breaking down on us, Lu! If you need time for yourself, for your studies, so be it! Take the time, take care of yourself, find some time to relax. It’s okay.

Aww Lu! This post isn’t attention seeking at all. In fact, I totally agree with you. Blogging can definitely feel like a chore, and catching up with new releases is difficult (there are SO many books out there!). I’ve certainly had the “ooh, I finished a book, yay! Oh wait, I have to write a review now… *sigh*” feeling way too many times, but what I’ve learned is that it’s always okay to take a break. I haven’t posted nearly as much this year but taking a step back has allowed me to appreciate my blog more. School makes it that much harder.

AWW Casss thank you so much for this comment, YOU’RE SO SWEET I CANT EVEN. I think that through the comments I’m realising more and more how much other people struggle with blogging stuff too?? It’s nice to know that we’re all freaking out together aha. I think that taking a step back (esp this week) has made me realise how much I appreciate it too?? I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think that I’m just mainly paranoid about leaving and… never coming back?????

ahhh lu i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way 😦 26 exams in a 5 week period??? that alone seems like a wildly unfair amount of stress to me, let alone on top of everything else. i say hiatus away!!! and blog on your own terms! i know it’s not much easier said than done but when blogging feels like a responsibility (and one that i don’t want) i try to step away. if i can.

i hope you end up taking a hiatus (if that’s the right choice, i don’t want to presume anything) and that you come back whenever there’s less stress in your life!! or at least when blogging won’t cause more ❤

First off, HERE IS THE BIGGEST HUGGEST MOST BEAR LIKE HUG OF EVER 🤗 awww, lu, I really hope you feel better.

I feel the exact same way but I’ve stopped putting the pressure on myself. Yes, I started my blog just 2 months ago and I intended to post as much as possible. But, lately I’ve been unable to do my homework and everything became so much harder to deal with because I got a new job. I HAVE A BUSY LIFE AND SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE. I think that kinda escapes us bloggers because we always feel like we’re neglecting our blog if we don’t post even for the shortest amount of time.

I wish it wasn’t so easy to feel stressed about blogging and I wish having a blog didn’t make me feel like I HAD to read books rather than doing so just for my enjoyment like I used to do

I hope things work out and everything turns out GREAT for you. I honestly love your blog and you were one of the first bloggers I met who befriended me. I hope that blogging stays a blessing for you and not a burden.

THANK YOU FOR THIS HANNNN!!! YOURE SUCH A GREAT FRIEND AND yes, you may have been blogging for only 2 months, BUT YOU FEEL PRESSURE TOO!! I’m glad that reading is a thing that you love so much, and if you ever need a break then go on one 😀

I know I just recently found you, but I wish you wouldn’t feel so pressured! It doesn’t matter if you post once a day once a week once a month or go on hiatus! When I see your pretty flowers pop up in my stream, I’m going to pop in and read what you have to say because I enjoy your posts and your writing style! Do what you need to do for YOU! We’re all still going to be here when those pretty flowers decide to grace our streams again! Please Take care!

oh my god I am SO SO sorry that you’ve been going through all of this stuff. and hey, it’s not attention-seeking of you to write this post, not at all!! saying that puts the blame on you for experiencing all these things, and that’s not true at all. and aahhhh never compare your stresses to others’!! I used to compare that as well but then I realized that we all have different experiences, and someone else’s suffering doesn’t make yours any less or more valid than theirs, and it doesn’t make yours any less or more important.

I completely relate to your internet obsession. like,, blogging & Goodreads have literally become my life, and while I love them both, I prioritize them over everything else and it has gotten really bad. I definitely feel you about not getting around to posts in my Reader — fortunately, I’ve decided to take on a more lenient approach to blogging, at least for March, so I’m able to read more posts!! but yeah, it’s very,, stressful. and unhealthy. and I know you know this, but I’ll just say this again: YOU POST WHEN YOU’RE READY!!!! YOU POST WHEN YOU CAN!!!! WHEN YOU WANT!!! don’t feel bad about posting, because if your readers aren’t okay with it, they shouldn’t be following you?? and your mental health comes first and foremost (which is why I’ve decided to take a bit of a break!!)

and agh I know how you feel about reading. I’m lucky to have come to terms with how much I read a long time ago, but I still feel bad when I think about how many books I read in a month vs. how much I want to read a lot. I really can’t offer advice on how to feel like READING IS NOT A HAVE-TO-DO THING, but I will say that if you need to take a break, take a break!! you might realize how much you miss reading and come back to it!!! (and psst I barely post book reviews on my blog unless they’re ARCs but I still consider myself a book blogger, so posting book reviews isn’t a requirement! the only requirement to a book blog is that it talks about books and that it’s a blog!)

Lu, if you need to take a break from blogging, then TAKE A BREAK. We’ll all still be here when you get back, and hopefully you’ll feel much better.
And don’t feel guilty for talking about your problems! So what other people have bigger problems? That doesn’t make your problems any less real. That doesn’t make your problems unimportant. They ARE real, and they ARE important.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I don’t think talking about your feelings is considered attention seeking. I mean, this is your blog, you can write whatever you want on it 🙂

I haven’t really paid attention to new releases (just like i never really do), but there was a brief period in January when i felt like i need to read a certain book everyone was talking about. I did it, and it turned out to be a great choice, but since then i managed to calm down. When i scroll through my reader, looking for new post, i seem to come across the same books over and over again, and after a while it can get me to the point when i think i can’t read another review about the same thing right now, someone just reviewed this 5 minutes ago.

So i don’t think the only way to stay relevant is to pick up the same the books everyone does, if you don’t actually feel like reading them. What i love about the book blog community is that we all love reading, all love books, and it’s awesome when i see a book on someone’s blog i didn’t know before, or meant to read for ages but forgotten about it.

To be honest, same???? I feel like I’m just seeing a lot o the same books around??? Thank you so much for this comment, it’s totally put some of my anxiety about staying “current” to rest!! Thank you!!

I totally understand because I went through the exact same a while back and I sat down one day and reevaluated. I made a bullet journal to keep up with posts. Nothing on my phone because I would obsess over the posting schedule all day. I set aside Sunday mornings to write blog posts (2-3 at a time) and decided the rest of the week would be planning blog posts on paper or for other things like studying. I also made real life and college my priority. Right now I’m sitting with maybe ONE scheduled post (whereas I usually have 6 or more) but I’m not worried about my blog at all. I’m worried about my studies and I’m glad I don’t feel any “have to” regards to my blog.

I suggest just sitting and thinking, maybe making plans if you want, and set routines. Figure out how to prioritize things you have to. If you aren’t making your blog a business one that you have to give it a lot of time, don’t. It’s a hobby that should make you happy. I hope you feel better soon ❤

Thank you so much for this advice!! I think that it’s a great idea and I’m really going to take it on board!! I was thinking of doing something similar, but worried that it wouldn’t work! But your comment has really calmed me down, thank you so much for being so nice ❤ ❤

AW LU. LU. Please don’t pressurize yourself so much you don’t deserve all this pressure you’re feeling. Don’t ever fee guilty about taking a break from blogging, because this is your blog and your life and you can do what you need to do and what is right for you. Exams should be your priority, so don’t worry about taking time off from here, because it’s OKAY. I get how you feel, cuz back when I took a hiatus in Jan, I was SO SAD AND STRESSED about not blogging and I felt so guilty but now I know I shouldn’t because what’s important is doing what is necessary in that moment. I really hope you start feeling better soon, and I’m here ANYTIME and everytime you want to talk. Like really truly. If you ever need to talk, you can ALWAYS talk to me ily I hope you feel better sooooon❤️❤️❤️

You have to do what’s best for you and take care of yourself first. As for the reading thing you should ALWAYS read what you want to read. As far as staying relevant, you don’t need to read the newest releases right when they are released, I leave that to the Booktubers. As far as content goes, I love your content that’s why I’m following your blog. Post what you want to post when you want to post it.

Thank you so much Ashely!! This was so lovely and thank you so much for saying all this it’s really helping me to put some of these anxious feelings to rest and sorry for not replying sooner, I was having a bit of a break from here but it was so nice to come back to this comment, thank you so much ❤

oh my gosh Lu, i’m sending all the love and good vibes in the world your way!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖

but I can totally relate to THIS ENTIRE POST. i’m generally a VERY anxious person and I stress myself out more often that not so it’s nothing new to me but it gets so intense whenever blogging, reading, writing AND exams are mixed together! i feel the need to constantly take a hiatus/break from one or more of these things but it also makes me feel incredibly guilty to abandon any of these things!!! ugh this is honestly the worst feeling ever and I just wanted to say I FEEL YOU and this wasn’t attention-seeking at all. it was actually nice to see you be so honest and personal and i’m happy to see someone else is struggling like me :’)

I guess what I’m trying to say is… go on that hiatus!!! School is so much more important than any of the other things and 25 exams sounds TOUGH. I know it’s hard to just abandon the things we love and feeling bad and guilty about it but better that than burning yourself out by trying to balance all of this! I’ll support you no matter what you decide but yeah, take care of yourself and do what’s best for YOU 💖💖