this is a shout out to tricia dituro for reading my journal and for k winklesass for friending me.

it’s nice to know maybe a few students would read my journal. i promise i am more of a person than simply an rd and rcm… so maybe you get some of that

but speaking of that idea, on the way home, we had a great conversation about blogging and its inherent side of overexposure

i’ve been a livejournal for almost five years, and i’ve had the same basic philosophy: i put what i’m thinking as a personal editorial. there’s nothing here that i would let someone know in regular conversation, it just happens to be that here i have a larger space to explore those thoughts and make them more coherent for you. often, it seems my mind circulates around things like God and theology, relationships (friendships and otherwise), and perceptions of the world around me. it’s not particularly special or fancy, but it’s questions, it’s observations, and maybe (which is the main motivation for my journal) it might make someone think, someone reflect, someone grow. and what i can add to the table for that, so much the better. that doesn’t mean i don’t occasionally pour out my heart, but i guard it with a sense of personal protection, as well as protection for others – after all, not everyone needs to hear everything i do.

so, to let you know, i won’t tell you about the girls i like or don’t like (though i might say something like “i like girls who play guitar”), i won’t tell you about the struggles i have to the point they become awkward, and as much as i can, try to be positive… it’s just who i am

(or attempt to be)

which is maybe what makes blogging popular: it’s a redefinition of character. it’s my ability to be who i am/want/need/desire/fake, and all it takes to start over is signing up again

let me say this too (as a plug for the side of my journal)… each of the folks on my journal fit a niche of blogging: some are just daily reflections, some are deep philosophy, some humble, others pretentious, but each one is a glimpse into a world of these people, and i draw myself into them – i know all these people fairly well, and to read what they write in their way without the construct of grades or judgment is beautiful

for a long time i was questioning why i could not write like some of the folks i linked to. they seemed to grasp what i was thinking, or at minimum it sounds polished. but really, why the hell do i want to be them? i’m not real flowery, i don’t define life in sonnets, and i haven’t really traveled farther than maine. my experience is just me and that’s all

read all those journal on the side. they’re good, and if you leave a comment, they’d like it.

I
said what you wanted to hear
and what I
wanted to say
so, I
will take it back
are all of the dishes in tact?
let them be
broken
broken
it’s easy to be
easy and free
when it doesn’t mean anything
you remain
selfless, cold
and composed

you’ve done me no
favor to call and be nice
telling me I
can take anything
I like
you don’t owe me to be so polite
you’ve done no wrong
and you’ve done no wrong
get out of my sight

it’s easy to be
easy and free
when it doesn’t mean anything
to remain
selfless, cold
and composed

come on baby,
now throw me a right to the chin
don’t just stare like you never cared
I know you did
but you just smile
like a bank teller
blankly telling me:
“have a nice life”

come on baby,
now throw me a right to the chin
just one sign that could show me
that you give a shit
but you just smile, politely
and I grow weaker and I

said what you wanted to hear
and what I
wanted to say
so, I
will take it back

it’s easy to be
easy and free
when it doesn’t mean anything
and it doesn’t mean anything
you can take anything
you can take anything

you’re so
selfless, cold
so selfless, cold
so selfless, cold
and composed