I'm a SAHM of three girls...for now. My first daughter is my Journalist: 9 going on 30. The twins are 4, off to PreK, and pushing every limit they can. Some moms are totally cut out for the stay at home life. Me? It varies on any given day. Staying sane is of primary importance, and this is one of my attempts at doing so! Please note: I only use my daughters’ initials in posts – who knows how long this stuff will be on the internet? Thank you for respecting my decision!!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

We are archaeologists, in search of the next great dig. In our travels we happened upon a small house located in Cumming were a family has rumored to live since 2003. In the midst of their daily lives they were suddenly engulfed in an avalanche of toys, books, baby clothes, and other such items due to an earthquake. A very intense, highly localized tremor, it exploded over their lives in July 2009. Those who speak of it will only whisper of the terror, "Twins...they have twins..." Supposedly the family may very well still be living in the location, but this rumor is unverified due to the high level of sediment and paraphernalia compacted around and through the home.

What follows is journal entries of our dig. Thus far we have been able to uncover and restore a garage to working order. Not only is there actual concrete flooring, we have discovered wall space and shelving. In fact, our careful reordering allowed us to determine that a vehicle of minivan proportions could actually fit in said garage, allowing the parents to put their children into the vehicle without incident in the event of precipitation or nosy neighbors intruding.

June 23, 2012: We have evidence which leads us to believe the materfamilias may be on her own today, the adult male having taken the children to an undisclosed location. Having found great success with the garage, we first chose to move on to the children's room. We found them to be surprisingly well maintained and spared the worst of the debris, although the room of the single child was covered in a layer of tissues...used tissues, unfortunately. Having decontaminated that room, we moved on to the bathroom shared by the children. After careful mopping of the floor and scraping of surfaces we were surprised to learn that green and dark brown were not their natural colors. Our successes encouraged us to move on to the laundry room. Again, we restored flooring to its natural color. Many interesting artifacts and hangers were recovered from behind the units that appear to be used to wash and dry...clothing, perhaps? Although the amount of glitter and rhinestones makes it hard to know exactly what is cleaned in this room. Perhaps the laundry fairy perished in here? No evidence of a grave...

June 24, 2012: Today we moved on to the kitchen area...the flooring appears quite similar to what was found in the laundry and bathroom. It at first had a darker patina, indicating it might be older than other surfaces of the house. Signs point to this being a room where the family would congregate for meal times, perhaps? It seems likely the family is not as germ conscience as some, although it is also possible in the struggle against the aftermath of the avalanche the materfamilias is no longer quite as particular as she was once rumored to be...Careful examination and archiving of the items on the shelving indicate...a food storage unit...a pantry? But yet, she has items that are food and cleaning related out in the garage...clearly having been nearly decimated by one natural disaster, she has determined not to face the same fate again. Perhaps she has morphed into some sort of sale-shopping, coupon clipping creature...

June 27, 2012: This is a most exciting day!! Yesterday's exploration of the back porch and family room proved uneventful. Today, however, we began searching for the long-lost master bedroom. It is said to be right around this side of the domicile. If we find it, it is possible we can learn more about this family! After gridding out the room for accuracy and ease of labeling we have begun sifting through the items. Carefully lifting clothes...gently removing toys...yes, this appears to be the post-multiples layer...By George! I think we've done it. Through perseverance and patience, it appears we've broken through to the pre-twins layer!!! Oh yes, what a discovery this is! Evidence of a single child still remains...Overwhelmed, overjoyed, and over-tired we pause to take a musical break before returning to our work.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The South does have some defining characteristics, which includes a number of phrases. My favorite is "Bless your heart." Not "cotton-pickin' heart," just "heart." For any Northern-ahs who might be reading this, I'll explain. "Bless your heart" is the Southern way of indicating that someone is...ah...less that capable or...hmm...intelligent, shall we say? It's about the nicest way of making someone feel two inches tall in a situation if used correctly and with the right Southern-belle accent.

It's Father's Day, we've finished breakfast, and it's time to shop for my DH's Father's day gift. We regret to announce the demise of our Foreman grill after almost 10 years of faithful service. Funeral services and announcements to follow. So hey, let's go to Walmart to see if we can get another one! It's Sunday. It's Father's Day. Oh sure, how could this be a bad idea? In we go. We get two baskets because the while the good people of Walmart may sell multiple items, they are unaware that people might HAVE multiple children! We check the Foreman grill section, but alas...the one we want is ONLY sold online. Of course, this is Walmart, and who can't use four or five...or nine...items from Walmart, even if they don't carry the actual item you needed in the first place. I love when they ask, "Did you find everything alright?" Seriously? They should ask, "Did you find the one thing that brought you in in the first place, or is this just all consolation shopping?"

I go to get in line, and, of course, there are four registers open with lines at least six people deep. The girls are having fits because they want to run and play, so my DH and I agree that he'll take the girls out to the van and I'll buy the items. Ah yes...parenting...when standing in a ridiculously long line at Walmart all by yourself becomes a mini-vacation...

As I'm standing in line I become aware of a younger couple behind me arguing in hissed tones. She's blond with short hair, trendy clothes, and flip flops. He's blond with a polo, golfing shorts, and boating shoes. He's pushing the stroller with the blond 18 month old boy who frankly couldn't care less. She's got the cart groaning with items. He stomps off and she stands there, debating her next move. Clearly she's not pleased with this turn of events, especially because we all DARE to be in long lines that prevent her from being where ever she's supposed to be right now! I hate to see people argue on holidays, but that's how life goes. Not to mention there are some REALLY good headlines on the tabloids...really? An alien? Married for how long?...

She gets in line behind me, and a moment later, taps me on the shoulder. I turn around, and she gives me her brightest smile. It must be a very bright smile - it requires her sunglasses stay on her face to protect her vision from the glare. "Hi," she says, "I was wondering if I could go ahead of you? It's Father's Day, and my husband is really upset that we're ruining his plans. It would mean so much to us if you'd just let me jump in front of you there."

Glancing over her incredibly full buggy...and my paltry nine items, I reply, "I understand how frustrating these lines can be! My husband took our three children out to the car to jump-start the getting out process. To be very honest, given that I have so few items and you have so many, I'm going to have to say no. But I'll be very quick - this cashier is moving very well."

In shock, she stares at me, raising her sunglasses to look me fully in the eye. Then the super-sunny smile (which causes another lowering of the sunglasses), "I know it's asking a lot, but like I said, it's Father's Day, and I just hate to cause him any stress on his special day. Father's really deserve special consideration on a day like today..."

OK, I'm sorry, let's try this again, lady. "Yes, they do. I'm so blessed to have such a special man in my life who is a wonderful father to our THREE children. I'm sorry, but I'm just going to have to say no."

Stumped at my willful determination NOT to recognize the very special situation that she, alone, is in, she raises her sunglasses to give me a wilting stare. Unfortunately, she's got a LOT of work to do on that stare...especially when employing it on a former high school teacher turned stay-at-home-mom. Never been a victim of my stare? Don't look too closely at the blog...I'm demonstrating it now. Uh-huh...see? Powerful. I return to my perusal of the tabloids...Nostradamus contacted HIM? Oh, there was a miscalculation...they really meant the world would end in 2022...unless they messed up again...

Fortunately, she's resourceful. Turning to the gentleman in the line next to us, she lowers her sunglasses, bathes him in the radiance of that self-proclaimed brilliant smile, and says, "Excuse me, sir, but I'm not sure if you heard my predicament." Of course he did! Aren't you E.F. Hutton's daughter? "It's Father's Day, and my husband just really wants to get on to his celebration. Do you think I could hop in front of you there in line and speed up checking out?"

The guy looks at her, shrugs, and says, "What? You think HE'S the only father stuck in Walmart on Father's Day? It's life. At least it ain't the E.R." Second degree burns! My wife smiled at me for too long and I couldn't find the sunblock!!

Astonished at our total inability to comprehend the magnitude of her situation, the lady pulls off her sunglasses and cries, "What the hell? Where's this Southern Hospitality I've heard so much about?!?"
Smiling, I turn back to her and exclaim, "Bless your heart! Haven't you heard? You're in the New South!"

About Me

I have three kids, a cat, and a wonderful husband whom I love! My activities include playing bassoon in a local band, participating in a multiples club, teaching PreK Sunday School, volunteering with the PTA at C's school, and teaching adult ESL with my church. In my former life I taught social studies to kids learning English as a second language, so now I volunteer with the ESOL program at C's school. I live in a house the size of a postage stamp - seriously, you could lick it and put it on a letter, but you'd probably have to add a few cents, since it's not a "Forever"...
I'm a blessed woman, but as the proverb warns, I lead an interesting life!