Mom worries about bad grammar influences

Dear Chris, I am a little fussy when it comes to teaching my kids good grammar. I don't claim to speak perfectly, but glaringly bad grammar bothers me. When my son returned from a recent sleepover at a friend's house, he uttered several phrases he learned during his visit, such as "Where is that at?" and "I don't never ..." When that friend stayed at our home a few weeks later, the friend used several of these phrases until I felt compelled to correct him. Our families are very close, and I have, on occasion, corrected the child's mother, trying to be lighthearted about it. She said this was how they spoke in her family, and as long as he was learning the proper way to speak in school, he would be fine. Besides, she reasoned, she turned out all right. Her husband has steady employment, and speaking in such a way hasn't affected his employability. But bad grammar can hold you back socially and professionally. Wouldn't you want to give your kids every opportunity to succeed? And how does grammar affect success? Well-meaning momDear Mom, Talkin' different ain't gonna hurt your kid a bit, two linguistics experts say. He's been hearing you speak his entire life, so he'll learn to speak like you, says sociolinguist Dennis Preston, an English professor at Michigan State University. Of course, he'll naturally learn other speech patterns from living life. "There's nothing wrong with him learning other grammars," Preston says. There are social situations where "standard" English just doesn't work: "It's not the right thing to do on the basketball court or when you're telling dirty jokes to other boys," he says. It's important for your son to learn the language of his peers, Preston adds. It's an unofficial rite of manhood. On one hand, we admire those who are proper, he explains. On the other, we don't like people who overdo it (think Frasier Crane). Speaking is "one way in which people project their social identity," says Carolyn Temple Adger, director of the Language in Society Division of the Center for Applied Linguistics in Washington, D.C. "People expect each other to talk in certain ways according to the social group they belong to, the region of the country where they grew up and the social setting they're in at the moment," she says. "Flouting social expectations ... suggests that the speaker doesn't know or care what others think," she adds. "Following the language patterns of a particular group reflects the speaker's affiliation with that group. Perhaps your son was reflecting his affection for the other family or just trying out what it would be like to be one of them." Of course, you're right that your son needs to communicate appropriately to be successful in the workplace. And by listening to you and absorbing language from every part of life, he'll know how to speak during a job interview. As to success, studies have shown that people high in social status aren't always stuffy speakers and use "incorrect" forms of grammar in casual situations, Preston says. Now to your friend. Preston gasped when I read to him the part of your letter where you said you were good-naturedly correcting her. "You're risking your friendship," he says. "And, as your friend points out, if she's doing well in this life, what the hell are you talking about?" Incidentally, "working-class" and "street" jargon are much more regular and systematic than standard English, Preston says. And, says Adger, "In terms of linguistic structure, no dialect is superior to another." To place superiority on one way of speaking over another paves the way to snobbery, intolerance and even racism in some cases. Plus, some English language traditions are just plain dumb and should be allowed to die, Preston argues. Why can't we split infinitives, for example? If you're interested in this subject, you might pick up "Language Myths," a book edited by Laurie Bauer and Peter Trudgill that contains such myths as "They speak really bad English down South and in New York City," "Everyone has an accent but me," and "Italian is beautiful, German is ugly." Send "Ask Chris" questions to ccox@sbtinfo.com, or Chris Cox, Features, The South Bend Tribune, 225 W. Colfax Ave., South Bend, IN 46626.