The day before JS came over for dinner night in I asked him why someone that much younger. At first he said he hadn’t thought about it and asked me, “Why does it bother you for some reason?” Umm F*ck yes it does, is what I really wanted to say but instead I told him I was just curious and that I have another guy friend who is dating someone 12 years younger than himself (this is true). JS told me he hadn’t thought about it but he finds that 40-something women don’t want to date. I almost had to laugh when I got that message. What 40-something women is he talking to? Obviously not single ones. So I asked him if he meant more casual dating. Honestly that is what I was thinking he meant but he said, “Not necessarily, just in general”. Then I said I am sure there are some and even older 30-somethings that do but as long as you are happy. After that I switched to talking about what time he was coming over the next day.

That Friday he came over and things were awkward. I didn’t notice it right away but as the night went on I did. It wasn’t anything he said or did, it was the fact he wasn’t saying much of anything. We had dinner, he took the plates into the kitchen and when we were ready for dessert, he plated it up and served it. We watched a movie and then watched one of the TV shows I have on DVD. He asked me about a couple of characters on the show and we even laughed a bit. There was one instance when his phone vibrated but he took it out of his pocket, turned it off and put it back in his pocket. When he went to leave I gave him a hug like I usually do and he was weird about that. He even hesitated a bit before he walked out the door.

I thought about it more after he left and asked him if everything was okay because he was so quiet.An hour and a half later he finally responding he said he was okay but it is frustrating getting a question like that while he was on his way home and wouldn’t it be better to ask him that before he left or the next time I see him. I told him I wasn’t trying to frustrate him and I thought about it after he left. Then no response all weekend.

That Monday I asked him if he ever got a call about the item he lost when we went to the amusement park and also about the midnight showing of an upcoming movie. He told me he is pretty busy these days and if I wanted to make other plans that was okay. So I suggested going sometime over opening weekend and also asked him if actually meant he didn’t have time to go with me at all. He told me he would let me know but pretty sure the midnight showing was a no-go. Okay why didn’t he say that in the first place. Why all of the beating around the bush? Then I told him it was good I asked him that question on Friday because it sounds like I won’t see him for a while. No response. I was able to find someone to go with me for opening weekend of the movie and told JS that the next day. Again no response.

After talking with friends about it I got a few thoughts on what is going on: there is trouble in paradise with the new girl, he wanted to talk to me about something or he wanted to start something with me.

…unless you have a very, very good reason. After JS and I had the talk in March and he told me he thought of us as friends with benefits, he tried to cancel on me twice. One time he told me he got a text about a birthday party he ought to go to and wanted to know if we could go out the day before we had planned. He told me this two days before we were to go out. I told him I had plans, which I did. He ended up keeping the plans with me and not going to the birthday party. The second time, he told me he had been sick all day and was going to go home and rest. He texted me this at the time he was to be leaving work and heading to my place to pick me up. The worst part was we had been texting three hours prior to that and he never said anything about being sick.

Then there is today. We had originally planned to go to an event on Saturday. It was all planned and then Friday afternoon I got an email from the event planners saying they had to postpone the event until sometime next year, due to weather and power outages. There was no getting around it. I let JS know and suggested we do something else during that time. I threw out some suggestions and he said he should go into work but suggested we do one of my suggestions, bowling, on Sunday afternoon. He said he would come pick me up. I was looking forward to Sunday afternoon because not only has it been a while since we have done something on a Sunday but also because we haven’t been bowling since the second week of knowing each other. I got everything I needed to get done and was relaxing while watching football until I had to get ready. Two hours before he was to pick me up he texted me saying he got a text reminding him he had made prior plans to visit friends, apologized for being flaky and suggested going on Wednesday night.

My response, “I don’t know, I was looking forward to today and didn’t make any other plans.” Then I told him I couldn’t go that night because I have a long day the following day. Then he suggested tomorrow night or Tuesday night. I told him I didn’t know and would let him know later. He said, “K”. Still pissed I told him I couldn’t on Monday night and not sure about Tuesday night. (And yes I really do have plans Monday night.) Then I told him, “Just sucks because you suggested Sunday”. No response.

I am not really shocked there is no response from him. He doesn’t like the confrontation or arguing. The major confrontation we had was back in March and that really wasn’t much. It just turned into having the conversation. I never really said anything about the last time he canceled last-minute mostly because he was sick. This time I felt I needed to. I needed to because I wanted him to know it wasn’t cool to cancel last-minute but also because he is the one that suggested the day and now he is telling me he forgot he had other plans. Why didn’t he look at his calendar to make sure before suggesting the day? When our Saturday plans got canceled, I suggested Friday night or Sunday. He is the one that said Sunday and even picked the time. It wasn’t me. And honestly as of right now I don’t even feel like telling him Tuesday will be okay.

This post is a hard one for me. I am still processing things but as all writers know it is good to write out your thoughts. Friday JS and I planned to go out and see a movie. I had been checking to see what the seat situation was looking like to see if we should wait to buy tickets or get them online. He said we should wait. My first thought was either he was going to cancel last-minute or he wanted to pay for them.

Then an hour later he sent me a message saying he wasn’t up for “benefits” anymore but would like to continue spending time together. He said he just hasn’t been feeling it lately and thought it would pass but it hasn’t. He also left it up to me whether or not I still wanted to go out that night. He said he still wanted to.

I decided I still wanted to go out and see him. I figured I would have a few hours to let out a few tears and make myself presentable. I did ask him if it was something I did or didn’t do, it was me personally, or someone or something else. I had already felt a little self-conscious lately so you can understand my reasoning of asking him that. He said there wasn’t much else to say other than if we continued with that part we would just be going through the motions.

In all honesty, I could tell something has been up lately. The last time he came over, there wasn’t much touching at all, though we did watch a pretty long movie. Another time he left after he dropped me off. I could tell something was up which is why at one point in the last month I did ask him if there was something he likes that I am not doing yet. I never did get an answer to that question.

We did go out Friday night and it was such a fun night. We talked about so much including things from our own high school and college days. It was things we hadn’t shared with each other yet and I learned even more about him. It was almost like we were meeting for the first time again. And while I offered to pay for things he didn’t let me. Then he drove me home, we hugged, exchanged a couple of quick kisses, said goodbye for the night and he drove off. He looked really good so it was hard for me not to hug or kiss him longer but I restrained myself.

I sent him a message later saying I know I have been through some ups and downs since we met and I appreciate him being there for me and maybe we could go see a certain movie when it comes out. He responded by saying he is glad he has helped and was looking forward to the movie.

He is away visiting his family and friends for a week. I think it is a good thing for me right now since we don’t really send messages to each other when one of us is gone and I am still trying to understand it.

It is hard for me right now because the thought of him finding benefits with someone else keeps creeping in my head and that is what sucks the most. I don’t even know if he has found someone else or is searching but I can’t get that thought out of my head. I didn’t really even think about that when we still had “benefits”, but now that thought won’t leave.

It took talking with a few friends after I got that first message from him to realize that he could have been a jerk about it all and told me he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore or just disappear. Both of happened to me in the past.

Instead he said he wants to continue spending time with me and enjoys it. He still wants to be a part of my life. And I would rather has him as a friend than not in my life at all.

I know I haven’t posted in a while. It seems like it is trend among us dating and relationship bloggers recently. We are all going through different changes in our personal lives right now. Must have to do with the change of the weather, but don’t worry we are all back to writing now. I did have a post in mind to write but then something today so I had to write this one.

It seems to be a trend I am hearing from my single and dating female friends, the guys they are dating don’t have respect for their time nor do they make much of an effort. I have a friend who has been dating someone exclusively for three months. She is a girl who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to express that. Since she is in school and working she has limited time but makes the effort. A few times when she has asked him to do something, he just says, “I can’t”, with no real reasoning for it.

I have been having a similar issue with JS lately. We have known each other for a year now, time has just gone by. And yes I remember the ‘incident’ in March and when he said he went into this with the ‘friends with benefits’ thought. But let’s be real, I see him once a week which is more than I have seen any other friends with benefits I have ever had. We also do more than just hookup, in fact the last two times we have seen each other there has been no sexual acts of any kind, we have just enjoyed each others’ company.

Well Monday I texted him if he wanted to do something Friday night (this has been our usual night since I started my Thursday night class started). He said maybe and that he needed to check his schedule. I had a feeling this might mean he had other plans but was hoping for the best. Then Wednesday at 5 I still hadn’t heard from him so I took matters in my own hands and texted him, I’m guessing Friday is a no go. It took him almost four hours to respond by saying, “How about next Thursday. Or are Thursdays out?”

WTF? Have we not been talking about my class for the past few weeks when we see each other. We just talked about it last week when we saw each other. And why did it take him FOUR hours to respond to me? I responded by reminding him that I have class on Thursdays. And still no response.

Why didn’t he say anything on Monday night or Tuesday letting me know he couldn’t do anything Friday? Instead I had to be the one to say something. Was he going to wait till Thursday to finally say something or just assume since I hadn’t heard anything from him that would mean he had plans? I mean my other guy friends have enough respect for me and my time to plan ahead. Even M with his crazy schedule can plan ahead and if something comes up for him, he lets me know right away.

I am starting to wonder why so many guys have such little respect for other people’s’ schedules and time. Is it too much to ask for a little communication and effort on their part?

And to pay tribute to Steve Jobs, a visionary man, a few quotes from his commencement address at Stanford in 2005 and yes I am writing this on my MacBook

You’ve got to find what you love and that is as true for work as it is for lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you’ve found it.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I convinced the EX to stay at a hotel. He was very understanding when I told him I don’t want to ruin things with the guy I’m dating.

But after today, I might not have to worry about that. Last night JS and I went out, he planned a great date for us, dinner and then a bad movie. The plan was to go to a bad movie together and maybe create our own fun. At dinner something happened. I was talking about my friend’s wedding in July back home. I had brought it up and mentioned it would be fun once before. And last night I brought it up again and he said he would fly in for that weekend and it would be fun to spend two nights in a hotel and go to a fun wedding.

Then when he told me about what he did last Saturday, he said something that threw me. He told me how he was out bar hopping all day and explained in great detail, including flirting with a bartender. When she had to leave she told him she was helping a friend at another bar and he asked where. After going to a few other bars he ended up at the bar where this bartender was at. She later told him that she has a boyfriend and JS seemed disappointed. I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want to ruin our night and morning. After he left this morning I did text him and told him about something else he said that bothered me. Then brought up about telling me about flirting with the bartender and him being disappointed about it and that I didn’t know what to think. I also told him that I am happy that he said he would go to the wedding with me and it will be fun. He sent a message back once he got to work saying, “We should pick this up later when I’m of the clock :)” When I told my mom she said patience is a virtue. I am trying to be optimistic about it because he did put the smiley face but that could just be his way of saying it nicely. He does have a way of doing that.

Now I have to wait. Wait till either he takes lunch or tonight after he gets done at 8. While I’m trying to be optimistic, I am not sure.