Thursday night I had the luck of rediscovering something that I used to do and forgot that I enjoyed it so much. You see, being a single woman, I lost the interest in cooking and baking. Yes they have cook books out there with recipes made for one person but frankly I find them more depressing and too time consuming. Also, it can be expensive buying food products for one. Like olive oil…. Why can’t they make a small bottle so it doesn’t go bad before I’ve used it all. Now do understand I make my own lunches and dinner but they aren’t anything fancy or detailed oriented. Very basic, like frozen veggies, cooked brown rice, pulled rotisserie chicken (that was frozen to preserve it) and some herbed Greek yogurt dip to bring it all together.

I’ve been dating Mr. Unexpected for about two months now. His name comes from the fact that he seemed to showed up out of no where and win me over. We had a stay at home date this Thursday and I said I’d cook dinner (because I was tired of take out food). It wasn’t much but I found myself having a good time at Sprouts picking up fresh green beans and chicken basil sausage. Who thought a smile could be brought on by grocery shopping.

In the past I have usually felt nervous cooking for a man, trying to be “perfect” in order to “keep” the man, but with him, I was so comfortable my timing on everything ended up being perfect. Even had enough time, since I was so efficient, to debone the rotisserie chicken and place it in individual bags to freeze for future use. The dinner wasn’t fancy; I made a Quinoa pasta and added in the chicken basil sausage, fresh steamed green beans and this amazing organic tomato basil sauce. But the best part of the cooking, is when I was just finishing up the meal still hovering over the stovetop, when Mr. Unexpected walked in the door and came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. He made me melt on the spot. Le sigh… I could see this happening every night.

It’s funny, during my standing Friday therapy session I had planned on continue to talk about a past relationship that stirred up some anger as the man recently contacted me and last time I left my session still upset. But instead I found myself talking about Mr. Unexpected and our current relationship. We’ve only been dating about two months and has been a different relationship than I am used to. Instead of jumping in feet first, rushing though the honeymoon phase than waking up to realize “what was I thinking”, we are taking it slow. G.C. taught me how a woman should be treated. Mr. Unexpected is teaching me that taking the time to learn about each other before idealizing of what could become of our future (which helps avoid being disappointed).

He is one of the first men to make me feel like a woman. He knows I am independent and strong plus having a “I don’t need a man” mentality. He even called me out on it! I feel silly saying that I enjoyed feeling domesticated, by cleaning the house and cooking my man dinner, it was weird to realize. He doesn’t put me on a pedestal or use me for my money or body. I know that he respects the woman who I am and will never try to stifle the power-hungry person who I am as that is one of the things that he found attractive. It is a different experience that I don’t feel like I am the dominate one in the relationship because he makes me feel like an equal. He appreciates me and I appreciate everything he brings to the table.

(Forewarning for the girly mushy stuff you rarely see) I love that he is open and honest with everything. He reaches out to grab my hand when walking to into a restaurant. He isn’t afraid to show how much he cares for me, whether in public or private. I get the physical affection that I have always wanted, even something simple as kiss while sitting at the bar. He keeps me laughing and laughs along with me. Whenever I think of him he makes me smile. He can even make me feel sexy and have me blush by sending a text. There is no problem in lifting me and making me feel “petite” (as we all know that I have longed for someone over 6 foot, he is 6’2). While I am still struggling at the moving slow as it is something I am not used to, I know it is for the best especially in this relationship. It allows me to continue to live my life and stops me from my past problems of changing myself, always trying to be available to the man in my life and avoid making plans. I get to be me!

And finally, he knows and is sensitive to the fact that I’m on a schedule. He gets the fact that I have a clock ticking (very loudly) as I’m over thirty and between my endometriosis and my recent cervix surgery, my chances for having a child are getting smaller and smaller with an even lower percentage of chance of conceiving (65%).

Tonight I got to cook side dishes for Easter dinner tomorrow and enjoyed every minute of it. The chopping, smelling of ingredients and not stressing if I was “getting it right”, they are just green beans and asparagus. I really need to do this cooking thing more often and hopefully it will involve Mr. Unexpected. The kisses and hugs as a payment for some love filled food creations would be totally worth it.

Here it is, another weekend and I have found myself with an interesting reoccurring weekend routine since I left my job at the bar; two new habits that I didn’t have a year ago. You see, I have picked them up from my ex and didn’t realize it until today. Isn’t it amazing where you gain habits?

Habit:noun a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity; an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary

This year I have lost two good men in my life, my ex and my best guy friend, and lately I have been thinking about them and wondering how their life is going. I lost my best guy friend to his new girlfriend and found out our friendship was not as strong as I thought it was. While I don’t know the specifics, I believe the separation was due to girlfriend insecurities but as long as he is happy, that’s what matters.

My ex on the other hand, was afraid of commitment and was still discovering himself which I can completely identify with as I went through it after calling off my engagement 3 years ago. When he did participate in the relationship, it was a beautiful friendship with learning and growing between both parties. One of the things that I learned to love was baseball. I always loved the game but I preferred playing it to watching it. My ex had season tickets to the Rockies and while I went to only a handful of games over the past two seasons, I now find my remote stopping on Root Sports or driving off to the sports bar to catch the end of the game. Not to mention if I am not able to watch, I make sure to check my Android app for game highlights or the current score. Who would have thought?

My other habit that I have continued since the break up is coffee cream and HGTV. When I spent the night (gasp! I know, but that’s what adults in monogamous relationships do) we would wake up, make coffee and watch do it yourself shows like Yard Crashers and House Crashers. Always a lukewarm black coffee drinker, he had fun flavored coffee creamers (my favorite being Cinnamon Vanilla Crème) and now find myself pouring it in every cup of Joe at work and at home. The only place I still drink black coffee is when I go out to breakfast. As for HGTV, it wouldn’t feel like Saturday morning without it. They are my constant reminder of him and how he is not around.

I debated texting either one of them today just to check in; to see how Tim’s relationship with Kate is going or see if Michael ever got consent to have the surgery on his hand. But since I was the one that was rejected… it seems almost silly to reach out. Being friends with an ex has always been a controversial topic, most people taking one side or the other or saying it depended on the circumstances. Here are articles on the subject from The Frisky and Ask Men.

With my birthday next month I am curious to see if I get the standard birthday text, with the additional possibility of being able to start those friendships back up again. There is a place in my heart that misses them and I wonder if they ever think about me too.