Wednesday, January 15

phone rage

One reason I hate cinemas is the interruptions from the mobile phones of inconsiderate bastards. Why can't these people just switch their handsets off? This guy agrees with me.

So I avoid the cinema, except that last week I went to see American Hustle (not bad, though you have to concentrate on the plot's bluffs and double bluffs). Half way through, a phone goes off, and keeps on ringing. Some self-centred NPD sufferer hasn't switched his phone off. Typical! Then I realise the noise is from deep in my backpack. The one time I forget to silence my phone, is the very time one of my few friends has chosen to call! And these days I have the volume set to stun.

So what to do? Wade into my bag, knowing the ringing will get even louder as I unearth it? No, I decide to brazen it out till they hang up. Except they don't. Eventually I have to bite the bullet and bring out the phone. By this time it can almost be heard in the next cinema.

Finally it's silenced, nobody has punched me, and we can all get back to watching the film.

A minute later, the SMS alert noise tells me the caller has left a message. Now, peering through my distance-vision specs, I try to work out how to switch it to silent. At last it's done. Panic over.

By this time I've missed enough of the film to have lost the plot.

A few minutes later, my friend has decided to try ringing me on my other phone, also set to maximum volume, also at the bottom of my bag, and the whole rigmarole begins again. By now the film's ruined, but it hasn't been a total waste of time. I've had the humbling experience of learning that inconsiderate bastards aren't just them out there, it's me too. I believe some people would meditate half a lifetime to achieve that kind of oneness with the universe.

1 comment:

I don't know how to switch my mobile phone off. Of course, I think mobile phones are a blight on civilisation. You used to be sure when someone called that they were at home and then you could find an excuse not to see them. Brian Wilson phoned me on Wednesday from outside my door!!! Well, you can't say you are just going out or whatever, can you? My phone went off during a recent performance of Richard !! and I had to dismantle it!! The basturns are the basturns you ring you up in the first place!