Prowl

Writer Tim Tori and director Patrik Syversen should be spanked and made to sit in the time-out chair for making such a bland and horrid movie like “Prowl.” This movie is about as ridiculous as they come and not in a fun way. The characters are bland, the plot is flimsier than a piece of paper and the ending is just plain insulting. I would steer clear of “Prowl” unless your life depended on it. Even then, I may really weigh the options.

“Prowl” is the story of Amber (Courtney Hope), a twentysomething girl who dreams of escaping her bland life for something more fruitful in the Windy City. Unfortunately, she has no car so she enlists the help of her friends to take her to Chicago so she can get her new apartment and start her new life.

After their van breaks down, the six friends are forced to hitch a ride in the back of a semi, which just happens to be going to the same place that they are. Coincidence? I think not. A few hours pass and the friends realize that something is wrong. The truck drops the group off in an abandoned warehouse with no way out. It is here that they become the prey of bloodthirsty creatures looking for a good hunt.

“Prowl” starts off innocently enough. The viewer is introduced to Amber running through an open field. The scene cuts back and forth between the field and Amber covered in blood and running for her life from some ghastly creature. After a few minutes, Amber awakens in a cold sweat. Cliché? Yes. Intriguing? A little Pays off in the end? Don’t count on it. The movie then continues for about 20 minutes attempting to set up shallow idiotic characters. All the characters are used for is for creature food and to pull at the old heartstrings, but how is that possible when none of the characters are likable?

Also, the truck driver strangely refuses a ride to Amber and friends multiple times — believable until you realize he’s delivering cargo to the creatures. Since that’s the case, why not just tell them to hop on in? He’s also driving a semi that only has a small stack of boxes toward the front of its trailer. Why wouldn’t he bring larger loads to thee creatures?

Speaking of the creatures, they ambush Amber and friends upon their abandonment in the warehouse. Much of the group is eaten at this point, and when only Amber and one friend are left, this is where “Prowl” goes completely down ye olde crapper. Practically everyone is killed off in two minutes! Where is the suspense now? Granted, they are characters I don’t care enough about to watch for an hour who get picked off one by one, but at least try to make me care.

What are these creatures, anyway? Cannibals? Vampires? Frankly, I can’t tell you because I don’t know. From what I gather, they’re like the “30 Days of Night” vampires, only pathetic. Amber easily pins one down, and it starts whining to her to let it go. Really?! One minute, you’re ripping people apart and then you’re whining in the next? The creatures’ mother also looks more human if she wants and sips on a blood bag. So, one would deduce “vampire,” but no one cares.

If you don’t hate “Prowl” you surely will at the point when you find out

SPOILER ALERT

that Amber is, drum roll please, one of the creatures herself. When she is cornered by a horde of the creatures, she is able to leap 40 feet in the air and latch onto a pillar. This is just ridiculous. Tori must have flipped a coin to see what crappy twist ending he could throw in.

“Prowl” is such a humongous waste of time and a huge slap in the face. There is nothing redeeming about this movie at all. I just have to say: Shame on you, After Dark, for letting this movie see the light of day. Shame on you, indeed. The special features are slim to none, so why waste your time?