Almost every Russian fairy tale ends with a well-known phrase – “and they lived happily ever after …”. But in life everything, alas, is not so rosy. The candy-buketny period ending with the wedding march, quickly flows into a complex family life, the battle of characters and the battle “for the remote from the TV” (for power).

How does life change after the wedding, and how to avoid the obstacles that arise in the way of the family brig? Crises in relations between spouses – how and why do they arise?

1st stage – On the wings of love

You just got married, went through the honeymoon, the whole life is ahead, lots of plans, and she does not let him go to work without a kiss.

This stage is the most romantic and the most naive. It lasts from one to three years, and ends with the appearance of children.

These are the brightest and most pleasant days of family life: it is during this period that both are under the influence of feelings and passions that once pushed them into each other’s arms. They like to fall asleep in an embrace, they laugh, sticking new wallpaper, they gladly sink into a joint life, yielding to each other and accepting each other as they are.

This year is the most important. This is the foundation of the relationship. As you lay it, this will be the family life.

Learn to concede and compromise – both.

Do not relax – relationships are constantly needed “freshness”. Do not think that now “he is mine” or “she is mine,” and no one else needs to win. Conquer every day of living together. A woman should not lose her “shine and gloss” (she should be irresistible even when jumps out onto the street to take out the garbage), and to the man – attention to the beloved woman.

You have joint responsibilities. Learn to share them in half, like joys and sorrows.

Do not try to remake each other. Leave each other’s personal space.

Start a habit – solve problems immediately through dialogue, and not later – through quarrels.

Decide on priorities. What do you want each of us individually – a child, travel, career, academic degree? You must find a middle ground and analyze plans for the near future.

2nd stage – Soul on the palm

At this stage he and she reveal themselves completely.

He knows how she looks in the morning without make-up and shaves her legs, that her soups are always salted, and the complex of “thick priests” pursues her from school.

She learns that he hates to go to visit, during football matches it is better not to touch him, and he will lay socks where he wants and when he wants.

Heavy stage of the relationship, the severity of which is aggravated by the birth of a child: lack of sex, fatigue of the wife, cries of the baby at night, lack of a former passion and romance, stretch marks, sagging tummy, circles under the eyes.

A rare man “tears templates” and carries a wife and a baby in his arms, spitting from a high bell tower and on her stretches, and on soup from bags, and on postpartum depression, because “he loves, and the rest is nonsense.”

Most men, unfortunately, in this period begin to slip and give back.

This period is only for teamwork. Work alone – the way “on the reefs.” It must be remembered that you are not even two already, that responsibility has grown.

Do not try to escape from problems. No matter how hard it is, exhale and do what you must do. All these problems are temporary. A couple of years will pass, and you will smile with a smile about these difficulties.

Everything that before you was touched in your half, now begins to annoy. And sometimes it seems that you are ready to break everything and start a new life. Do not rush to spoil your life – this is just the period that each family goes through. And it’s only up to you whether you will be babysitting your grandchildren together in your happy old age, or you will disperse as ships into the sea.

Do not be discouraged that there is no more romance and those “first” feelings. This is normal.The natural process of developing relations: they just moved to a new level. Romance is a fleur, a haze, under which your true characters are hidden. But the haze is no more – you have studied each other well enough, from that and there is not that passion. But this does not mean that love has died – you just turn into 2 halves of one whole.

Diversify your life together. It is clear that you know the step of each other and every word in advance, that you lack the sensation of novelty. But only you yourself can bring this novelty into the relationship. Change the image, arrange romantic evenings, diversify your intimate life, do not forget about traveling.

3rd stage – Between divorce and revival of passion

This stage can be safely called a “meat grinder” of family life.

Children are growing up, but there is not a problem anymore.

He spends less time at home. You dream of running away, at least to a friend and at least a day, to cry and forget about everything. But you can not, because the senior section, the younger one is sick again, it’s time to give birth to the cat, and the husband does not like to walk the dogs. And then there is a mortgage, for which another five years to plow and plow. And he no longer looks at you as a sexy brunette you were about 10 years ago.

This is the hottest phase of a relationship that often ends in divorce.

You have already gone so much together that it’s stupid and reckless to break everything now.

Life consists of small things. Even if you parted and meet another person, the problems will remain the same. If you can not solve them now, you can not even later.

Learn every minus turn into a plus. Another 5 years, children will grow up, and you will become much calmer, freer and more comfortable with each other. You again remember that you are still “th-th”, that you have not yet traveled to Thailand and have not traveled all over Russia together as you dreamed.

There are usually no compromises at this stage. Someone has to give in and become more patient. And, as a rule, this is a woman, if she is wise and does not want to ruin the family.

Be sure to pull out your “tight charts” to just be alone. It is very important now – not to lose that subtle connection that exists between you. Send the children to your grandmother and leave for the weekend to the lake. Leave the younger with the eldest and run away in the rain at the cinema on the last row. Get up early to meet the dawn together.

Take care of the appearance. Surely, my wife already walks in a shabby dressing gown, forgets about manicure (and even her legs return smoothness – just too lazy) and a new beautiful underwear. A husband has long spat on the gym, walks in worn-out slippers and family trunks around the house, gradually turning the press cubes into a bead of beer. If you do not want to lose interest in each other, change urgently.

4th stage – Empty nest and a sense of emptiness

All these years you lived for your children. And now your fledglings scattered around their families, their rooms are empty, and you feel yourself not at ease.

No matter how much anguish you feel, release your children peacefully and relax. Begin to live for yourself! You put the children on their feet, raised, helped, than they could, and invested everything that is rich in all senses.

It’s time to think about your personal life. Now you have time for it. It is now time to open a second wind and remember that you are still not a couple of decrepit old men.

Give the second honeymoon! Go where you both most like all these years.

Find, finally, a common occupation that will be interesting to both of you: fishing, a joint workshop in a vacant room, hiking in theaters with dinners on the rooftops, traveling, dancing, tennis, etc. Yes, there is little entertainment in the world!

Learn to live without children. All those years, the children tied you tightly, kept from rash actions, forced to control themselves. Now this “airbag” is not.But you are not strangers, are you? After all, after the wedding (and before it) you somehow lived together, and quite comfortable felt. It’s time to remember what “the two” are! And the most pleasant is that you do not need to hurry anywhere. You have already made the main business of your life, and now you can just love and enjoy every day what you spend together.

5-th stage – Together to the gray-haired

You are already retired, and you will surely throw up your grandchildren for the weekend.

At this stage, there is almost no divorce: you have already gone through fire, water, copper pipes and everything else that you can and can not come up with.

You just can not without each other. This is called – one whole.

What you need to remember?

Do not upset each other over trifles. You have experienced so much, so many years of collaborative and complex work behind, that now – only to live and rejoice.

Do not lose the spark that once slipped between you and grew into a big love – take care of it. Remain tender and caring even when you are already drinking tablets from age-related illnesses and feel free to flaunt each other’s jaws in the cups.

And – do not forget about your children and grandchildren . Do so that they hurry to you with joy, and do not bark into the phone “while there is no time.”

After all, where people love and wait, you always want to come back again and again.

The reasons for the fading of love after the wedding – how to prevent this?