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Friday, April 22, 2011

a quota

Since becoming an adult, I've had this sort of subconscious philosophy that there should be a quota of bad things that can happen to one person or family. Deep down, I guess I believe that the universe should be fair in its distribution of tragedies. If one family is suffering with a terminally ill child, for example, the parents should not become sick themselves. Or they shouldn't have severe money troubles that lead to bankruptcy. The illness of a child is more than enough for one family to deal with. Why not pass the money problems on to a family that seems to have no real problems?

About 5 years ago, I had a lot hit me at once. My parents separated not long after my grandmother died. We were gearing up for a meeting with a pediatrician who we were sure was going to diagnose Danny with autism. Then, my mom was told she had cancer.

It was devastating. Those months were the very hardest of my life. I was completely shaken; my confidence in the world was broken. If all these things could happen at once, I realized, I was no longer safe. Anything bad could happen and I would be powerless to stop it.

Before this, I think I thought that if one bad thing happened, I would probably be safe from another one for a while. Like, if my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I shouldn't also have to deal with autism or my parents' separation.

I still believe this should be true, though I know it's not.

This week, I found out that a bloggy friend's young autistic son was diagnosed with cancer.

Cancer.

The kid is three. And he has autism.

See, in my mind, the fact that he has autism should have protected that family from this sort of terrible, nightmarish tragedy. The autism should have filled that family's quota for mind-numbing, stress-filled, terrifying crises. At least for a while. I know autism isn't necessarily a tragedy to many people, but it does cause much in the way of stress and difficulty.

I know life is not fair, but sometimes it seems so cruel it takes my breath away.

I think that I know who you are talking about (God I hope so...hate to think that there are two families going through this) and it is just so unfair and awful. And when I say "unfair" I think it's because I share the same quota system as you.

I am with you there. That is how I felt when we recently found out how bad Jaylen's eyesight is and how much worse it will probably get, on top of his Autism. However, in light of what our other bloggy Autism mama friend is going through, his eyesight seems trivial.