Sunday, August 7, 2011

Love and Insults

Romance novels have a reputation for bad writing. This reputation has been diligently and systematically earned thanks to the hard work of certain authors. The following quotes can serve as wonderful examples of the kind of cheese that gets published:

"Do you think I'd buy a whole case of beans and no protection in preperation for taking you with me into the mountains?" From Skin Tight, by Ava Gray

Maybe it's just me, but beans and romance don't really go well together in my head.

"Certainly no one would guess that this giant bald man with thighs that resembled tree trunks and fists the size of hams was as gentle as a kitten and baked the most delicious scones in the kingdom." From Touch Me, by Jacquie D'Alessandro.

I actually feel sorry for the bald baker here. This is in no way a complimentary description of anyone. I hope he poisons those scones.

"The sight of him caused Jane's pulse to speed up and her stomach to lurch. Kind of like scallops. She was allergic to scallops." From Dance of the Plain Jane, by Lillian Feisty.

2 comments:

I think that visual at the end there well and truly establishes the beautiful simile established by the author. The only thing it lacks is a picture of some poor individual suffering from an allergic reaction, probably at the sight of Fabio.