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Friday, September 2, 2011

The U.S. Open kicked off earlier this week. This is great news for me, and for two reasons: because (1) I am a big fan of tennis, and because (2) I am an even bigger fan of beautiful talented women. Now, my needs as a tennis fan planning to watch matches on television were taken care of by the U.S. Open selection committee. They seeded the top 16 players so that the tennis fan part of me would have an idea of what matches might be exciting. But what my needs as a fan of hot ladies? Well, I had to take care of that myself. Here, for my own benefit as well as yours, is a list of the 9 hottest women playing in the 2011 U.S. Open. Set your Tivo accordingly.9. Jelena Dokić
Age: 28

Home Country: Australia (born in Serbia and Montenegro)

Current Ranking: 73

Highest Career Ranking: 4 (2002)

U.S. Open Seed: n/a

Status: will face Jelena Jankovic in round 2 (battle of the Jelenas)
Okay, so I know this photo is a little scary. Jelena is in the process of pulverizing a tennis ball, and is making the typical facial expression that accompanies the tennis-grunt. But if you will just kind of block that facial expression out for a moment, you’ll see that Ms. Dokic is blessed with one seriously impressive physique. 8. Vitalia Diatchenko
Age: 21

Home Country: Russia

Current Ranking: 139

Highest Career Ranking: 105 (2009)

U.S. Open Seed: n/a

Status: eliminated in round 1 by Zheng Jie
Sadly for fans of beautiful women, poor Vitalia Diatchenko has already been eliminated from the 2011 U.S. Open. Have a good long look at her photo here, then cue up Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” in your head and imagine a slow-motion montage of this beautiful Russian. Whether or not you employ the Ken Burns effect for your imaginary slideshow is up to you.7. Petra Cetkovská
Age: 26

Home Country: Czech Republic

Current Ranking: 32

Highest Career Ranking: 32 (2011)

U.S. Open Seed: n/a

Status: will face #16 Ana Ivanovic in round 2
The good news about this Czech hottie is that, despite her advanced age (for women’s tennis she’s kind of old), she is currently on the rise in the world rankings, with her current position being her best to date. So, if all goes well, we may be seeing a lot more of her at future tennis tournaments. Unfortunately, there is also some bad news. Have you figured out what that is yet? If not, keep reading.6. Gisella Dulko
Age: 26

Home Country: Argentina

Current Ranking: 51

Highest Career Ranking: 26 (2005)

U.S. Open Seed: n/a

Status: will face #4 Victoria Azarenka in round 2
You’re probably thinking, “hey, look, finally a hot female tennis player not from Eastern Europe.” Well, while Latin women are often some of the sexiest on the planet, I must tell you that Dulko here is of—drumroll—Hungarian descent. Dulko didn’t sound Spanish to you, did it? So if you are keeping score at home, so far that’s Eastern Europe 4, Rest of the World 0.5. Caroline Wozniacki
Age: 21

Home Country: Denmark

Current Ranking: 1

Highest Career Ranking: 1 (2010)

U.S. Open Seed: 1

Status: will face Arantxa Rus in round 2
Now it’s Eastern Europe 5, Rest of the World 0. Yes, although Wozniacki was born and raised in Denmark, her parents are from Poland originally. They relocated when Caroline’s father, a pro soccer player, signed with a Danish team. Of course, in this photo the tennis superstar is looking an awful lot like the all-American girl next door. 4. Alona Bondarenko
Age: 27

Home Country: Ukraine

Current Ranking: n/a

Highest Career Ranking: 19 (2008)

U.S. Open Seed: n/a

Status: eliminated in round 1 by Sabine Lisicki
After a prolonged injury, Alona Bondarenko was able to get into the 2011 U.S. Open thanks to what is known as a “protected ranking.” Basically, what this means is that a player with a significant injury is allowed to return to action at the rank she (or he) held before the injury. That way, the player won’t have to start all over by having to qualify for every single tournament. Unfortunately for Alona Bondarenko—and tragically for the rest of us—a “protected ranking” status doesn’t help you shake off the rust. She lost in the first round. 3. Maria Sharapova
Age: 24

Home Country: Russia

Current Ranking: 4

Highest Career Ranking: 1 (2005)

U.S. Open Seed: 3

Status: will face Anastasiya Yakimova in round 2
Sharapova became etched in the hearts of tennis fans and sexy female-loving men around the world when she won Winbledon at the age of 17 back in 2004. Back then, if you talked about how hot Sharapova was you were a total pervert. Today the gorgeous Russian is 24, so it’s totally cool. 2. Dominika Cibulková
Age: 22

Home Country: Slovakia

Current Ranking: 15

Highest Career Ranking: 12 (2009)

U.S. Open Seed: 14

Status: will face Irina Falconi in round 2
I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing that the hottest women’s tennis players at this year’s Open are also some of the best. That’s because I can follow their progress closely without feeling shallow. If anyone asks why I care so much, I can honestly say “because ‘so-and-so’ is a phenomenal talent.”1. Ana Ivanović
Age: 23

Home Country: Serbia and Montenegro

Current Ranking: 19

Highest Career Ranking: 1 (2008)

U.S. Open Seed: 16

Status: will face Petra Cetkovska in round 2
I doubt anyone will have any real objection with my putting Ana Ivanović at #1. But just in case, my logic was as follows: while there may be (and almost certainly are) women’s tennis players that are hotter than Ivanović off the court, there is no one in the world who is hotter than her on the court. So as far as watching this year’s U.S. Open is concerned, that makes Ana Ivanović the cream of the crop. Sadly, either Ana or #7 Petra Cetkovská will be heading home after the next round, because they are facing off against each other.
Oh, and in case you lost track…
Final Score: Eastern Europe 9, Rest of the World 0.

Ian M. Sherwin Giclée

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All you art collectors out there. Here is a chance to get a Giclee copy of some of Ian M Sherwin work. Ian is planning on doing a whole series of Marblehead, Massachusetts paintings.His work is amazing.