tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21473074553216499422016-09-08T12:33:51.989+08:00★ i am mamaru...because i am competent in my own little world. ★mamaru (noun) - abbrev. nagmamarunong; isang taong nagpapanggap na marami siyang nalalaman at kumpyansang tama ang kanyang mga pagkakaalam ☻b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-15529156286110564542011-05-24T09:12:00.004+08:002011-05-24T09:33:44.873+08:00today, i aint a mamaru but a dodo.<span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >i know clearly what i need to do. but how to actually do it? that is the question.</span><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" ><br /><br />oh the ironies of life. why is it so hard, so painful to do the right thing? :(</span></span><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" >i am mamaru.</span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" ><br />but not today.</span></span><br /></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-50017272356146483412011-05-24T07:37:00.012+08:002011-05-24T09:56:27.123+08:00bringing out the white flag<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" >i really don't know what to write but i felt like going online and reviving this blog by writing whatever. for the past months, i've been out and about getting work done. every time i get the chance to rest, even just for a few hours, i fill it in by keeping myself busy so as to avoid thinking about personal concerns that i must reflect on. i cannot really, really rest because that means i have to relax, be quiet, and stop moving about. usually, when i do this, all the other issues that i set aside because of work start resurfacing.<br /><br />i kinda learned to be comfortable with silence. KINDA. when i was younger, i get anxious when everything's still. it's an acquired thing, i guess. growing up in a rather "noisy" family, i find it odd when i don't hear anything but myself - my breathing, my feelings, my thoughts. but the old self never completely dies, so they say. it just lies dormant. and for the past week, i can say that i am so back to who i was before - somebody who finds silence deafening.<br /><br />when i'm caught in a dilemma, i normally try to resolve it on my own. but what always happens when i do this is that i get even more confused. i rationalize big time and i end up with so many options i do not know what to pick. so i ask friends. or better yet i lock myself up in my own twisted little world, and mask the noise of these dilemmas by making or listening to other noises. it's like turning up the volume of my music player to drown the bothersome noise of the pouring rain. it's appeasing... to some degree. but then, there comes a point in time when i can only obscure personal noises so much. there are things beyond my control that quiets everything down, leaving me with nothing to listen to but myself.<br /><br />at this point, i still do not want to be quiet. my personal noises are far more grating, i'd rather that everything around me is loud and piercing. but my music player's now broken and i can no longer block out the sound of the downpour, more so the chattering of my mind and heart. i guess it's time. it's time for me to just let the rain bother me out of my wits, and to let my mind and heart converse to their content. like what my <a href="http://www.yapatoots.com">good friend</a> always says, just be still and keep breathing. the rain will eventually stop, and the mind and the heart will soon arrive at a consensus anyway. i hope it happens sooner though.<br /><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 51, 102); font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >i am mamaru<br />but i need to listen too.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-7686325033755385552010-08-21T15:08:00.004+08:002010-08-21T15:11:39.726+08:00magsulat at magbasa.<div style="text-align: center;font-family:times new roman;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >gusto ko na.</span><br /><br /></div><span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" ><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >i am mamaru.<br />and i miss doing the basics -<br />reading and writing.</span><br /></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-17630072823411170702010-08-02T13:55:00.004+08:002010-08-02T16:21:45.018+08:00when the mamaru is just what she is...a mamaru.having this blog, apparently, is my way of compensating for my feelings of intellectual inadequacy. i'm back in this mosh pit where i let myself get trampled upon by my own critical self.<br /><br />i suck at doing my OWN research. i've been writing and rewriting my MS thesis for the past couple of years. i remember the time when i was still so in love with this study. my eyes would glimmer every time i explain it to other people. and then came the nerve-wracking proposal defense, seemingly endless revisions, physically and emotionally battering data collection and data analysis, frustrating consultations, another stressful defense, and one more round (hopefully it's the last) of revisions. the process just sucked the positivity out of me and my faith in this study.<br /><br />this crappy study strains my sense of competence. and from this, a tiny ball of self-pity starts snowballing, rolling over my teaching skills, my poor memory, and my limited communication skills, among many others.<br /><br />i just want to get this OVER and DONE with so i can, at long last graduate, discern, move on, and find my niche where i will feel useful, well-compensated, and most of all COMPETENT. as of the moment, being in school- whether as a student or as a teacher, isn't really THE niche that i have in mind.<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;" >i am mamaru.<br />period.</span><br /></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-54813816200513117112010-07-25T18:34:00.008+08:002010-08-02T16:29:08.461+08:00my nominees for "the emerging influential blogs writing project"i am a blog-hopper. i go from one blog to another. then again, there are a very few blogs that i frequent. and with the very many blog sites mushrooming in cyberspace, only a handful make me linger on their turfs, and really make me want to read their entries. i pick blogs based on site appearance, themes, the authors' fluency in writing, and more importantly the relevance of their entries in my life...<br /><br />here are my nominees for <a href="http://www.influentialblogger.net/2010/05/join-top-10-emerging-influential-blogs.html">ms. janette toral's project</a>: top 10 emerging influential blogs writing project. please vote for them too! :)<br /><br /><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.fatgirlnomore.com/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Fat Girl No More</span></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>- teacher ria braves two of the most difficult things to do: to manage weight and to inspire others to do the same. :)<br /><br /><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.blogger.com/www.theaccidentalteacher.com">The Accidental Teacher</a> - teacher ria isn't only a teacher to her students but to her fellow teachers as well.<br /><br />i've recently discovered the following blogs thru a friend! :) i am also voting for...<br /><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://nomnomclub.com/">NomNom Club</a><br /><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.blogger.com/survivingautism.net">Surviving Autism</a><br /><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.blogger.com/christianhomeschooler.info">Christian Homeschooler</a><br /><br />This big-time project is sponsored by: <span style="font-style: italic;"> </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://buddygancenia.com/blog/rates/">Events and Corporate Video</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://jupitersuites.com.ph/index/">Budget hotel in Makati</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.pinoypartyfood.com/">Pinoy Party Food</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.inwrite.com/">Copyediting Services</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.dominguez.com.ph/">PR Agency Philippines</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.budgettravels.ph/">Budget Travel Philippines</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.regaloservice.com/">Send Gifts to the Philippines</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.blackfridayplanet.com/">Black Friday Deals</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.roomrent.ph/">Roomrent - units for rent</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.searchprofileindex.com/">Search Profile Index</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">, and </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.eventsatwork.com/">Corporate Events Organizer</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">. </span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span><br /><br />that's it! :) time for me to go blog hop-hop-hoppin'! :)b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-73723703020065537452010-05-06T06:50:00.011+08:002010-08-02T13:54:39.864+08:00self-preservationdefine SELF-PRESERVATION.<br /><br />according to me, <span style="font-weight: bold;">SELF-PRESERVATION</span> (n.) is an act of avoiding and/or feigning annoyance or indifference (towards a person or a situation) to keep the self from becoming more and more emotionally attached. usually, the attachment here is perceived as inappropriate.<br /><br /><blockquote>in a sentence: <span style="font-style: italic;">"___, I think I shouldn't hangout with you as often. I might fall and fall hard. I sure don't want to get hurt. Might as well stay away... It's a self-preservation thing."</span></blockquote><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">i am mamaru.</span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">and i just found out<br /></span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">that this self-preservation thing</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />is actually <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">heartbreaking</span>...</span></span><br /></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-87648186841449066102010-05-04T13:30:00.011+08:002010-08-02T16:36:34.105+08:00nostalgia.dear little one,<br /><br />i saw your picture posted on the Web today. you are such a charming little tot. :) your features are a combination of your parents'. i think most of the charm that you exude, though, came from your dad. i guess a lot of people already told you that you have your daddy's beautiful almond-shaped eyes. i recognize the same droop and the long lashes because many years back, i looked deeply into your father's entrancing eyes.<br /><br />you are beautiful, kid. you are a testament of your father's unshakable love for your mother, and of your mother's unfaltering faith in that love.<br /><br />may you grow up to be just like your father - smart, very artistic, strong-willed, faithful... but when you're bigger, say 20-something or older, please try your best not to break a girl's heart. do not look at her intently, say "i cannot leave you behind..." and then just walk away... because you see, my dear, the pain that that moment brought is something that nobody would want to suffer.<br /><br />anyway, take good care of your mom and dad. knowing them, i'm pretty sure that they are giving their all to become the best parents they can be to you. :)<br /><br />xo,<br />your dad's little miss<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >i am mamaru.<br />and i know that i fell<br />(in many different ways one could fall)<br />a long time ago.</span><br /></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-5477021524052012772010-04-14T19:45:00.003+08:002010-04-14T19:51:03.416+08:00breaking a habit.<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >they say, "it only takes 21 days to break a habit."</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" ><br /><br />i say, <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">CRAP</span>.</span><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-size:85%;" >i am mamaru.<br />but i have very low EQ.</span><br /></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-72610658613223817612010-04-04T13:12:00.010+08:002010-04-04T14:37:21.354+08:00so over.<span style=";font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" >i learned that it is truly possible to </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" >sincerely, completely</span><span style=";font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" > get over an ex.</span><span style=";font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" >i just saw some pictures of my ex with his current girlfriend. every image spells L-O-V-E, CHEESE. hehe! :) i found myself saying, "aaaww, how cute. they look so happy together!" that is without having to convince myself that they do look good as a couple. and then i realized, boy oh boy, it's really possible to </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">absolutely, absolutely</span></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" > </span><span style=";font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" >come to terms with the person whom you loved for so long and who soonafter (fortunately) broke your heart.</span><span style=";font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" > by absolutely, i mean no ill feelings, no sadness, not even a hint of bitternass.<br /><br />my ex and i, we've been good friends for about a year now. we resealed the friendship 5 years after the break up. it's all good. time heals all wounds, so they say. and it did. letting go, moving on, getting over, and finally realizing that you successfully did 'em all is nothing but liberating. :)</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:georgia;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">**to eks &amp; his trulabs... all the best! KAMPAI! :)</span>**</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102); font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;font-size:85%;" ><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;font-size:85%;" ><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:arial;" >i am mamaru.</span><span style="font-family:arial;"><br />and i know that you'll get over<br />your heartbreak sh*t soon.</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 102, 0);font-family:georgia;font-size:85%;" ><br /></span><br /></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-33063276015543103922010-03-04T21:29:00.002+08:002010-03-04T21:34:46.445+08:00nothing 'JUST happens'<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;">"Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, 'I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it," and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">~Alice, CLOSER</span><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >i am mamaru.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ><br />and i know that Alice is right - </span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">nothing, nothing JUST happens.</span></span><br /></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-1416603310204775882010-02-22T16:32:00.004+08:002010-02-22T16:42:27.235+08:00what i know about goodbye...<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-family:arial;">is that it is <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">NEVER </span>easy to say even if you've said it several times...</span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family:arial;">i am mamaru.<br />and<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>i know how painful goodbyes are.</span></span><br /></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147307455321649942.post-49616413876963752192010-01-10T20:12:00.008+08:002010-01-10T21:04:19.535+08:00☻<div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">WELCOME 2010! ☻</span><br /></span></div><br />...and welcome to the<span style="font-style: italic;"> mamaru</span>'s turf. ;) i will probably post my first <span style="font-style: italic;">mamaru </span>entry this week. in the meantime, do check out the gadgets on my sidebar for some random facts, motivational quotes, and chow tips from fellow <span style="font-style: italic;">mamaru</span>'s. hehe! :)<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span><div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">*shinnnnng!* </span><br />those are good vibes for y'all!</span></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>b(" ,)dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842130157677273663noreply@blogger.com0