Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What a week! If you wanted to try and test your stressors then this would have been the perfect week for you. Not only were we trying to recover from being sick, but my poor little mini broke his arm. This really made me work on one of my greatest challenges- emotional eating. It is habitual for me to stuff all of my feelings down my throat with whatever I can find. When I am tired, frustrated, sad, lonely, you name it, I want to eat everything. Not because I am hungry or bored, but because I am programmed to eat my emotions. One of the most difficult things about trying to re-train myself is resisting the urge to shovel junk.

I found myself sticking to my plan for most of the week until I got to Monday-Oh Monday! After working, finding someone to pick-up my son because his arm was hurting, being sick, and braving an adult WW meeting with an actively talkative 4 year old, my patience were shot. I found myself snacking obsessively until I put myself to bed to end the misery I call MONDAY. That night I cried obsessively, feeling sorry for myself as usual, hoping I had not undone the weight I had taken off the week prior. It’s funny how even when you know the consequences you don’t care about the after math when you are giving into temptation. It is not until you take a step back and realize the only person you are sabotaging is yourself, then you feel like crap!

Anyway, another one of my biggest challenges is not knowing how to LET THINGS GO! I don’t do this, ever! So, I made a promise to myself that even though I used my extra weekly WW points binging on junk, I would get back on and take Tuesday by the throat and show it whose boss. And, I did! I started right back on plan and forgot about the negativity from Monday. I also started riding my stationary bike for some exercise, and when I peeked at the scale I was still down this morning.

My goals this week are to get some sort of exercise daily. I also have a personal goal to clean my HOUSE (Who lives like this!?).

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Everyone needs a fresh start every so often to re-gain their focus, this is mine! Even though I feel like my fresh start happens more often than should be acceptable I can’t help but re-challenge myself. Maybe this time it should be less about weight loss and more about redirecting my life.

I joined WW on Monday and even though I’m not fully motivated I know that I cannot continue to live like this, literally! I need to get a grip on self control and get to where I can at least feel comfortable being in public. Everything in my life revolves around my weight issue. I feel like I cannot go out to a bar, restaurant, pool, or other public places without wanting to hide. I turn down opportunity after opportunity, even vacation destinations, due to my weight. It is not just my insecurities, but also my physical size.

I am the heaviest I have ever been in my whole life. Not only do my clothes not fit, but I cannot even find my size in plus size stores anymore! This is terrifying. I have seen people that have gained massive amount of weight after not seeing them for a while; they don’t even look like the same person. I am now that person! I don’t want to run into anyone I know because of my appearance. Life is so important and my son is my life. From here on out I need to make a promise, not just myself but to him as well, that I will take this weight off. Not only will this help my health, but I will be a less distracted, stressed and frustrated Mom and person.

October of 2011 I have a big trip planned to DISNEY! My goal is to be down 96 lbs by then. That is an average of 2lbs a week which is a healthy goal. This may not bring me to my ultimate goal of loosing 212.2lbs, but it will make it so I can ride all of the rides, walk around without laboring, fly comfortably, and maybe even brave a bathing suit.