Hi and welcome. I don't have any great advice for you on this one but I can understand how it would cause so much pain. I do agree with vandalin that maybe you pushed yourself too fast into this lifestyle without important ground rules. What your husband and Star did was, IMO, just plain wrong and inconsiderate. Talk and talk and talk some more, with both of them, and as a group, and work past this if you can. In the meanwhile, put off any poly bedroom activities until you're more secure on this. Asking someone to open a marriage is a big deal and the person doing the asking needs to be open to working at the partner's pace. Hopefully, your husband will understand this, the way in which his actions led to your feelings, and be willing to slow down.