As Women Advance, Are Young Men Stuck?

Author Kay Hymowitz asks the question, “Where Have the Good Men Gone?” in her recent Wall Street Journal essay. According to Hymowitz, young men are stuck in a pre-adulthood phase in which they are distracted, confused and searching for identity.

By example, she refers to the character, Ben Stone (Seth Rogan) in the 2007 movie Knocked Up. Ben and his 20-something friends are all unemployed and spend their time playing video games, smoking pot and attempting to create a porn website.

On the other hand, the female lead and love interest, Allison (Katherine Heigl), has great potential as a television reporter. It is Allison who decides to have the baby when she accidentally gets pregnant by Ben, and it is Allison who takes control of the situation. Ben eventually finds his way to adulthood and assumes responsibility as a father and partner, but it is not an easy journey.

Hymowitz says that American men have struggled with their adult identity since the mid-19th century. Now, among pre-adults, women are becoming the first sex.

Women now represent almost 60% of college graduates. Their GPA’s are higher and have more confidence and drive to establish their careers.

It’s been an almost universal rule of civilization that girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, but boys had to pass a test. They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess or mastery of the necessary skills. The goal was to prove their competence as protectors and providers. Today, however, with women moving ahead in our advanced economy, husbands and fathers are now optional, and the qualities of character men once needed to play their roles-fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity- are even obsolete, even a little embarrassing.

I have to confess that until I read Hymowitz’s article, I hadn’t given any of this much thought. My focus has always been on issues related to the advancement of women. I never thought much about what happens to men as women advance.

My concern has been how do women adapt to being in the workforce and assuming more leadership positions or how can women balance their careers and parenthood? How do we find our voice as women and become authentic in the workplace?

Now I see that young men are struggling with many of the same issues.

Hymowitz says,

Today’s pre-adult male is like an actor in a drama in which he only knows what he shouldn’t say. He has to compete in a fierce job market, but he can’t act too bossy or self-confident. He should be sensitive but not paternalistic, smart but not cocky.

It seems that both men and women are trying to adapt to a new reality. Both sexes are dealing with changes taking place in the home and workplace. Since the 1980's when the term "glass ceiling" was first coined, women are making progress pushing through the barriers to reach equality in the workplace. Though the progress has been relatively slow, the forward momentum is there.

Young men, according to Hymowitz, are opting out. It appears that they are placing themselves in a glass box where they don't have to grow up and compete.