He told the WSJ he has never used a tanning salon or tanning product in his life. Since we know politicians never lie, that leaves open the question: Wherefore the amber hue?

My guess: when we find the answer, Chester Cheetah will be implicated somehow.

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
Iíve got another puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise youíll listen to me.
What do you get from all those Corporate treats?
Eating as much as the elephant eats?
What are you at? Getting terribly Fat?
What do you think will come of that?

Doubtful, unless "shameful" is a type of carrot. Like all GOP leadership and Fox News commentators, Boehner has had a consciencectomy and is utterly incapable of experiencing shame.

The way I figured, carrots are vegetables and thus associated with hippies and "health nuts," as compared to something macho and "all-American" like beef. So having a carrot addiction might bring on whispers of unsavory liberal leanings.

So apparently what we've got here is a product that survives not because anybody is genuinely fond of it, but because less than 100 percent of the populace is totally repelled. Strange, but people have used the same principle to become president of the U.S.

Dunno, but who's up for a Constitutional amendment requiring the addition of "Boehner's a dick" to all oaths that public officials must swear when entering office? And maybe to our paper currency, too?