5 Tips for Attracting Online Dating Messages

As someone who enjoys online dating and who spends a lot of time writing about the ups and downs that is part of this culture, I love to share tips with people who struggle. I meet many men and women who get frustrated when their online dating message box remains empty for extended periods of time. If you’ve just joined a bdsm dating site, it may take a bit of time to write and fine tune an awesome profile that will attract the kind of kinkster you’re looking for. For me, the keys to success are part profile and part attitude.

Tips for Attracting MORE Online Messages

1. HonestyExaggerating, lying, and making shit up may help you attract someone initially, but don’t be surprised when you don’t make it half-way through a first date. Even if you’re not looking for a serious sub/dom relationship, and you just want a little hanky spanky, truthfulness is the best way to go about it. Don’t feel weird if you’re new to bdsm; there are plenty of other vanillas looking to come out of the kink closet.

2. MysteryMuch of the time I’m reminding daters to provide lots of detail in their kinky profiles; and while I still stand by this, you don’t want to write your autobiography either. It comes across as arrogant, and most women will skip ahead to the next profile. Pique a reader’s interest, leaving lots to explore and talk about on that first date.

3. PositivityDating dry spells happen, even to those sexy leather-clad dominatrix types. A little humility isn’t bad, as long as it doesn’t keep you in the dating doldrums. Having a full busy life aside from dating is important; you don’t want to be checking your dating site five times a day. Being positive attracts good things in one’s life!

4. KarmaI do think dating karma exists. Being rude and treating people badly will come back to bite you. When you get a disrespectful message (and sadly, you will) ignore it; don’t waste your energy or time on such creatures. And when you get a first message from someone you don’t see potential in, you don’t have to message back, but if you do, be cordial and polite. I’ve been online dating long enough to see that what goes around really does come around.

5. OpenessThis is something I’ve gradually gotten better at. When I joined my first dating site, I was very hesitant to date outside my box. I was nervous about meeting men who didn’t fit my usual “type” and even men who mentioned any kind of kink that was new. It all felt very strange… this new world of online dating. Slowly I began responding to guys who I might not have seen a connection, leting my curiosity guide me. You really can’t judge a book by it’s cover and by remembering that, you will be in for some pleasant surprises.

KinkLovers.com is the blog for men and women into BDSM, bondage, fetishes, and dating. We post tips and advice for those interested in meeting other kinky singles with online dating, or anyone who wants to spice up their relationship. Enter the world of Kink Lovers with exclusive articles, polls, site reviews, reader stories and more. If you would like to subscribe to our blog updates which are sent only twice monthly, please subscribe to our newsletter using the form above.