Help! I’m sexually attracted to my daughters

“My daughters are in their first year in University, they are just beautiful but I’m still very much sexually attracted to them.”

Amaka Nicholas

A man sent me a message asking for advice. He is sexually attracted to his daughters and he wants to be advised on how to handle his perversion.

In his own words:

“I’m in my late 40’s, married with three children and sexually attracted to my daughters.

“I was raised an only child by my parents, every attempt at having more children failed until I was 15. My parents had a very cute baby girl whom I loved so much as it wasn’t easy growing up without siblings to play with at home.

“Watching her grow with me as her only play mate endeared her to me. There was so much innocence, beauty and trust. She literally sleeps and wakes on my bed. We became fond of each other, but I started having this strange feeling all of a sudden when I started getting aroused at her presence.

“I started avoiding her or situations that would warrant me staying alone with her. It was an uncomfortable feeling. I would always send her back to our parents’ room once it’s getting dark. I won’t let her sit on my thighs or even help her pull her clothes to use the toilet.

“I fought the urge with every strength I had. I knew it is not a good thing to have such feelings for my own sister even though I have never known any woman.

“I noticed I find little girls attractive, their innocence and cute faces turns me on. While in school, I tried to suppress the feeling by dating women my age and even those older than I’m but I still see myself lusting after little girls.

“I contemplated remaining single for life because I was afraid of raising a girl because I don’t know how my parental instinct will cope with my strange attraction to little girls. That thought was cut short by my parents when they started pestering me to get married.

“I got married and had a boy first and everything was alright until my twin girls arrived a few years later. As I watched them grow, the attraction kicked in and stayed put.

“It became so bad that playing with them and having them sit on my thighs arouses me. I become aroused and fully erect when I am with them but would leave them alone to my bathroom to ease off.

“I would stay out late and leave very early to work so as to minimize the amount of time I spend with them. I pretend to be busy reading or too tired on weekends so they would leave me alone. But my wife wouldn’t have any of my strange behaviour.

“I thought about telling my wife what I was going through and my strange sexual urge for our girls, but decided otherwise. I was afraid she would most likely not see it from my own point of needing her help and understanding. I feared that she would judge me, call me names and even escalate it. So, I killed the idea.

“At some point, I became mean and spiteful to my own daughters. I would wear a long face and lash at them unnecessarily, a behavior that left my kids afraid of me and my wife thinking many things.

“I wished she would wake up one day to tell me she wants a divorce. I was willing to do anything to get my daughters far away from me. I fasted and prayed and went for deliverance for years but the feeling never subsided.

“I worked towards getting transferred at work, as this would genuinely keep them far and safe from me. I got transferred to another state like I wanted. I have stayed away from them for over a decade now, they only visit for a few days or I visit them on weekends.

“During such visits, I make sure my son is always there should their mother be too busy. My daughters are in their first year in University, they are just beautiful but I’m still very much sexually attracted to them.

“I’m afraid my wife and even the girls have noticed how I look at them while swallowing hard sometimes. My body is on fire whenever I’m around them.

“I have controlled myself for over 17 years and will continue to restrain myself. I just wish I can block my mind from entertaining such thoughts.

“A lot of boys and girls are attracted to their mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters at young age, but they suppress this attraction and it fades away as they grow older.

“As an adult, if you feel sexually attracted to children but have not yet acted on that impulse, you must withdraw from further contact with them when alone and seek professional help from a psychotherapist or counsellor.

“If abuse has already occurred, it is still best to leave the situation while you go seek help. Prayer is good but get professional help too.

“Attraction takes place at a deeper level. You cannot control or be ashamed of how your body reacts to someone no matter who it is. What defines you as a person is if you cross the boundaries that should never be crossed. And the responsibility for maintaining such boundaries lies a100% with you the adult.

“It is in your place to control your erection like I have chosen to do so that no one gets hurt because of you.”