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3 Jan 2014

Exclusive tittle-tattle interview with the three big jihadi leaders in Syria

In our continuing effort to provide in-depth analysis and information about the situation in Syria we managed to obtain exclusive interviews with the three main jihadi leaders in the country. Much has been said about the three leaders, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi the leader of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS), Abu Mohammad al-Jawlani the leader of Al-Nusra Front and Zahran Alloush the leader of the Islamic Front, but no other media organisation has managed to obtain such exclusive access to all three men and then relay what they said to each other. No doubt our reputation as the prime source of alternative narratives is what allowed us to get this scoop.

There has been much friction between the three men and their factions in recent weeks, and we endeavoured to get to the bottom of that with insightful and inquisitive questions. Read the transcripts of those fascinating interviews below, they will give you a comprehensive view of the emerging jihadi world in Syria.

We began by interviewing al-Nusra’s leader al-Jawlani.

KrM: Emir Jawlani, let’s begin with the basics. You always appear with your face covered in photographs, is this some kind of post-feminist comment?

Jawlani: I can see why you would think that, but it’s mainly a way to protect my identity.

KrM: Slightly disappointing. Many people have noticed that the watch your wear appears to be a woman’s watch?

Jawlani: They are people filled with hate for our Islamic project. It is a fashionable men’s watch. They don’t understand fashion.

KrM: Tell us about your relationship with the leader of ISIS, al-Baghdadi, there seems to be tension between you two.

Jawlani: That is false gossip. We are brothers.

KrM: That is not what he is saying.

Jawlani: What have you heard?

KrM: We met him recently, and he said unflattering things about you.

Jawlani: What did he say? Did he mention the watch?

KrM: No, but he said your sword is not curved enough.

Jawlani: That Iraqi traitor. My sword is curved like a banana. You can tell him that.

KrM: And he said (al-Qaeda’s leader) Zawahiri talks to him on Skype but he only texts you.

Jawlani: He Skypes with Zawahiri? I could Skype with him to but I have this, er, Skype keeps crashing on my computer. This proves nothing. We are the true army of Islamic revival in Syria. He and his Chechen and Afghan brigades are the United Nations of Idiots. Haha, that’s a good one.

KrM: That is a good one. Almost as if I came up with it myself. What do you think of the Islamic Front’s leader Alloush?

Jawlani: he is liberal and democratic, those are not good qualities in a jihadi. But we are united for now.

KrM: I see. He said that you cover your face because you can’t grow a beard.

Jawlani: Better than someone whose beard is from Saudi Arabia. I am on a roll today, I should write this one down.