'Classic' Ann Landers: Weight gain causes problems with relationship

Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999.

Dear Ann Landers: I have always been a small woman with no weight problems - that is, until I had three back surgeries and an operation on my neck. Now, I'm 35 pounds overweight and can't seem to lose it. I'm not a big eater, and it is difficult to exercise because of my health problems.

I was in a relationship with a great guy, and things were going well until my weight gain. Now, he says he is not attracted to me anymore. He avoids having sex, and I'm beginning to feel insecure and wonder whether he's seeing someone else. I always thought loving someone went deeper than looks and it is what's inside a person that counts. I would love him if he were fat or skinny.

I don't want to lose this man and don't know what to do. Can you help? - Miserable in Houston

Dear Houston: Your boyfriend is telling you loud and clear that his attraction to you is based primarily on your looks. It's time to move on.

Meanwhile, see a nutritionist and a physical fitness professional to find out what exercise options are available to you. Do this not for any man, but for yourself. You will not only feel better, but it will do wonders for your self-esteem.

Dear Ann Landers: My wife has cancer. We have been battling it for six years, and short of a major miracle, she will die from it. I am not asking for sympathy.

We are living our lives as fully as we can, and we are not shy about discussing all aspects of this battle when it comes to our children, friends and family.

Here is my problem: I find it painful when friends say to her, "Get well soon." It hurts to hear these words. They sound so phony, as if she had a broken leg. My wife will NOT get well, soon or ever, for that matter, and everybody knows it, including her. I haven't said anything about this because I know these people mean well, but it makes me want to scream every time I hear it.

These friends are important to us, and I don't want to offend them by telling them to stop saying that, so I'm hoping if you print my letter, it will help. - Granada Hills, Calif.

Dear Granada Hills: Here's your letter, but it won't help. People are going to continue to say, "Get well soon," no matter what you say, even though they, too, know your wife is terminal. Play the game. The phrase is intended to be comforting.

Page 2 of 2 - Do you have questions about sex but no one to talk to? Ann Landers' booklet "Sex and the Teenager" is frank and to the point. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at creators.com.