Um...I'm scared? This is the most crack-filled fic ever. Ever! Don't worry, no flames from me. Unless you people somehow have voodoo-mind-controlling powers and you plant this idea in Stephenie's head and she writes it. That would be bad. So, can't wait to read what other craziness lives in your brains.

“You’re so easily distracted,” I complained. “Get on with your evil-overlord ultimatum.”

“My what?”

“Your ultimatum!” Confused silence met my ear. I sighed. “Come on! Isn’t this the part of the story where Darth Vader or Saruman or the White Witch comes in and says ‘join with me Luke/Gandalf/Edmund. With our combined powers we can rule the world! Mwa ha ha ha ha!’?”

Would she have to deliver in wolf form then? To wolf puppies? How awkward. No medical help for THAT childbirth. Unless of course, she got Carlisle and he did it... And again... That would be embarrassing. You try explaining to your future father-in-law why you're having someone else's kids. And then making them help you.

And I loved this part especially- “Oh,” I said in relief. “It’s just you. Thank God. I thought it was going to be more telemarketers.”

“Clearly, I need to work on my fearsome image,” he muttered, troubled.

Telemarketers... Clearly more frightening than evil vampires bent on killing you. At least death by vampire is /fast/.