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Friday, 13 January 2012

The most intelligent man in the universe (confirmed by Jadoo, a strange specie from other planet) Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) and zero-loss theory fame Kapil Sibal (Sibal Uncle) told High Court that they will themselves monitor each and every content on Google and Facebook and after pre-screening they will themselves upload it on the web.

"This can be time consuming process," said a netizen Deepak Pandey. However, the government had the answer.

"Government found out some strange genetic changes in these two great leaders during last 6 months, Diggy Chacha and Sibal Uncle, which suggest that they can read 10000 words in 5 minutes. Diameter of their eyes has increased by 10 times during this period. We have submitted official reports with the High Court, confirming the same, and decision will come in next few days," said additional solicitor general A S Chandhiok said.

"They will devote full time to do all this crap, f...," said irritated Senior lawyer Mukul Rohatgi, appearing for Google India. Before calling the objectionary word 'f..k o..' one senior government official came their and held Rohatgi's mouth and told him that he was doing pre-screening.

Sibal Uncle confirmed the development and told that he was observing genetic changes since last 6 odd months. He also confirmed that same changes are observed in Diggy Chacha. He said "Our eyes have become larger and our reading capacity is day-by-day growing fast. 6 months back we used to read 10 words in 5 minutes which now increased to 10000 in 5 minutes. Plus it is still growing and we are hopeful that as like India's telecom users my eyes will start reading 10mn words in 5 minutes by end of this calendar year. This all will be free-of-cost and I will not charge a single penny for all the exercises."

Diggy Chacha said "In these 6 months, I read so much which included objectionable contents on me, Rahul Baba and Sonia Madamji, which raised my reading capacity by multiple times. Further, I also read crappy Mayawati's official documents which include a 51423 page plan to set up 1000 statues in the first year after election."

However, plan was not just pre-screen the texts of the internet users but also to enlighten them for using humble and clean words.

"These idiot netizens use so faulty and fucking language that some times I feel how much useless and $*$)@!)%! these people are and therefore we plan to teach them clean language," said Sibal Uncle. "I will teach them a right attitude and will force them to leave their arrogance," Sibal Uncle said.

Diggy Chacha said "Actually, humbleness starts from me. Rahul Baba took all the advantages of my humble and he has become kind to Aam Aadmi. Now I want to spread my humbleness and soft-spoken. No nonsense and no bulshit."

The plan includes availability of cabins in Google and Facebook offices for 24X7 for these two senior leaders. "Google and Facebook senior officials will take care of chai-pani (tea and water) for them. However, idea will be they should not remove their eyes out of the contents coming in," said a senior government official.

"As Kapil Sibal himself opposed the idea to appoint officials for Lokpal to check the corruption at Category 'C' and 'D' of bureaucrats, he said that it would be better if he and Diggyji themselves will handle the task and therefore no new appointment will be done," said the government official.

An insider in the Congress Party, requesting anonymity said "Both are useless leaders. At least this way party can try to improve its image by blocking their mouths and putting their heads into better product."

However, few doctors and dieticians raised the issues of excess usage of net and said that both can face lifestyle diseases like Cardio Mendhaker Disease (CMD), under which the eyes of patients become like frog.

"Both are aware of the medical consequences still for the benefit of the society, they plan to sacrifice their lives," said India's future Prime Minister, Rahul Baba.

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