If, somehow, by the grace of God...or in this case...by the grace of NOW...these two were...just...maybe...able to combine their DNA (again to the well of mad science, he goes!), the results would be astounding.

On the one hand we have Maureen Dowd, certainly the father of this unholy fusion:

Traits (all genetic): Rides a broom, überbitch, zero humor, uncanny ability to sling long overused phrases of mud for the dwindling readership of the New York Crimes

Likes: Barack Obama, the Democratic Party, Joseph Stalin

Dislikes: George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, humor

Turn-ons: NOW doesn't allow her any. Well...there is that homeless guy...Paco...who lives in the alley behind the office, but I promised not to tell anyone because Paco doesn't want to ruin his reputation. Oops...sorry, Paco! It just slipped out.