Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Cute New Gas Station Attendant Day!

Today after the cute new gas station attendant fills up your car with gas, he’ll come around to your window and ask, “Why are you crying, lady?”

Tell him, “Because I came here to seduce you. But then I heard you just now on your cell phone talking about how you saw the movie TMNT. My high school age son saw that too. I’m ashamed of myself. I never thought that at this point in my life I would find myself in special undergarments at the gas station with the intent of making love to a gas station attendant who is the same age as my son.”

The gas station attendant will say, “TMNT was awesome. If you saw it, it might make you cry a little less.”

Tell him, “It’s not that I need to see an exciting children’s movie. It’s that I’ve hit such a bottom that even though I’m here and I’m admitting how terrible I feel about all this, I still hope that I’ll get to make love to you in the back of my car today.”

Later, after having brief terrible sex with the gas station attendant in your car, you’ll return him to the gas station and he’ll say, “I can fill you back up with the gas you burned driving to the park and back. On the house?”

You’ll nod and the gas station attendant will go to the tank and squeeze once on the nozzle, sending one sixteenth of a gallon into your car. It’s a nice gesture. He’s a nice boy. Tonight you’ll want to ask your son whether he makes a point of doing nice things for the desperate older ladies who pull up beside him on his way home from school and seduce him, but you’ll keep your trap shut.