TIGHT-ARSED blokes: Only date girls called Natalie, Carol, Holly or Eve. Chances are their birthday is around Christmas and you won't have to shell out for a present until then, by which time they will have chucked you.

A POST-IT Note stuck beneath the nose is an ideal way to foil lip-readers.

Avoid soiling your trousers by not pulling apart your buttocks when you think you are about to fart.

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

1 - Go to wikipedia and hit random. The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band. 2 - Go to quotationspage.com and hit random. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. 3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”. Third picture no matter what it is, will be your album cover. 4 - Use photoshop or similar (picnik.com is a free online photo editor) to put it all together. 5 - Upload it to the photo hosting site of your choice and post a link in the comments.