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Punjabi by marriage

A typical hot-headed youngster with raging hormones, madly in love, I decided to get married, without thinking even once, “What am I getting into?” All I wanted at that time, was to live happily-ever-after, with my ‘six-footer, chikna-gora, handsome-hunk’! It didn’t matter to me that he was from a different community, ‘Punjabi’, or anything else! It did not cross my mind, that being brought up in true Marwari style, maybe this was going to be a big change for me? Hmmm… so, was it?

It all started on my wedding day. I was dressed, in a blood-red Suneet Verma ‘blingy’ lehenga, that weighed maybe a 100 kilos. It was partly my fault as I had frantically called the designer three days ago and told him to add as many more Swarovski’s as he possibly could! “It will become too heavy,” he protested. “That’s fine. Just fill it up! The boy’s side family is so over-dressed and shiny, I won’t look like the bride,” I replied anxiously. He finally agreed, and now, as I saw my reflection in the mirror, I looked like a ‘giant-glittering-Kohinoor’. Perfect! My mother-in-law would love me. She had very sweetly warned me, at the ‘mata ki chowki‘ a few days ago, “Bete we Punjabi’s love chamak dhamak! You must sparkle, after all you are our bahu!”

As I looked around I realised how right she was. The plump-auntyji’s and pretty-kudi’s were dazzling in their bright gold or vermillion-orange ghagras, with heavy mang-tikkas and jadau sets, and a streak of maroon sindoor. And this was only the first function! My side of the family, the Marwaris, looked around awestruck, as if they were attending the Filmfare awards. They were on the other side of the banquet hall, in classic beiges and light-pink kurtis and saris, adorning an elegant string of pearls and their traditional diamond solitaires. The contrast in the two sides was vivid and comical!

My neck and shoulders were hurting me already, with my ‘bhari dupatta’ on my head. Where was the baraat? I could see my relatives getting restless as we waited and waited. ‘Kay hogo? Kay hogo?‘, they kept muttering to each other nervously, wondering why the delay. Had he changed his mind to marry me? All kinds of thoughts were coming to my family. They were almost an hour late. And then it struck me. Marwari’s reach everywhere before time. For them punctuality is key, mostly because they generally are low on patience. So they reach jaldi, give the gift, have a quick bite, and leave! There is no time to waste, as they want to move to the next thing…and fast! Punjabi’s on the other hand, have their own standard time, which is at least an hour or two late. And while they are there, they like to full on chill, there is no rush whatsoever. Aaram se aao, aaram se khao and mauj karo! Why stress?
“Balle Balle! Oh shaava shaava“, the baraatis finally arrived, with boisterous-loud dholwallas, banging on their drums. All of them were vigorously moving to the beats, their arms high above their heads, their pointer finger thrusting upwards towards the sky (bhangra-style)! There was an insane amount of excitement. My hubby-to-be was also dancing on his horse. Did they just give him a swig from the scotch bottle? Oh oh! What will my five masi’s who are quiet conservative, think about their jamai babu. I was secretly watching all this from the window above and I saw my side of the family, wide-eyed, and fascinated with what was going on. For Punjabis drinking and dancing are an integral part of celebrating. “Arre! What is an occasion or rather life, without naach ganna?” For Marwaris it is usually everything else but that!

The pheras, were carried out by two sets of pandits. That is because both sides did not want to miss out on any of their rituals. I couldn’t believe my ears, when in the middle of chanting the shloks I suddenly heard them arguing. Each one was trying to prove the other wrong, while I was trying hard to understand the meaning of the vows. One would say ‘Punjabiyon mein asia hota hai‘, and the other would contradict him saying ‘Marwadiyon meinn nahin‘! I was just hoping they complete the ceremony, and not go off in a huff, leaving us unmarried.

We settled for the ‘Sajjan Goth’, (a grand feast that is set up for the boys side as a finale to a Marwari wedding), which my sweet family thought would be a novel and gastronomic way to impress the grooms side. But it didn’t quite work out that way! Punjabis love their soft succulent mutton-shutton, and staple creamy makhani chicken too much. They are almost emotional and sensitive about their food! So when they were served pure vegetarian gheewala-pucca-marwari-khaana (gatte ka saag and sangar), they were wondering when the main course or the ‘real stuff’, would arrive! But alas, it didn’t! “Don’t worry bhaiya, we have organised a non-veg after-party, so just pretend to eat here!”, I heard my new-hubby whisper to his hungry brawny cousin-brother. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry!

Hmmm…so my wedding day was like the opening scene, where the two sides to my new life was slowly unfolding. How would I handle it, in the years to follow? Well, I have juggled the two ‘distinct’ cultures so much, that today I can proudly say I have mastered it. I simply love being ‘PUNJABI BY MARRIAGE’, where I go all out with the shimmer and shor-sharaba. I have imbibed from my ‘big-hearted hubby’s-side’ of the family, the ability to ‘laugh from within and make the most of every moment’. My Marwari roots keep me grounded, real and disciplined. ‘Think things through and move on efficiently’, is what ‘my side’ taught me, and it’s what I live by !

Basically, I have embraced it all. And somehow it works!

DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author's own.

Author

A first time author, Shweta Sehgal has a sudden desire to 'connect' with the world through her thoughts and experiences. A post graduate from the London School of Economics she is intellectual, intense, and interesting. She blogs about 'everyday life' in the city... from kids to karwachauth... emotions to exercise... mothers-in-law to mohitos... hubbies to Herves… and takes you with her through the 'chaos and charm' of it all! ShweShwe will add that 'chutzpah' to your day while you curl up on the couch with your 'chai'!

A first time author, Shweta Sehgal has a sudden desire to 'connect' with the world through her thoughts and experiences. A post graduate from the London Sch. . .

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Author

A first time author, Shweta Sehgal has a sudden desire to 'connect' with the world through her thoughts and experiences. A post graduate from the London School of Economics she is intellectual, intense, and interesting. She blogs about 'everyday life' in the city... from kids to karwachauth... emotions to exercise... mothers-in-law to mohitos... hubbies to Herves… and takes you with her through the 'chaos and charm' of it all! ShweShwe will add that 'chutzpah' to your day while you curl up on the couch with your 'chai'!

A first time author, Shweta Sehgal has a sudden desire to 'connect' with the world through her thoughts and experiences. A post graduate from the London Sch. . .