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Monday, 17 August 2015

I'm still alive...

...just in case you were wondering ;).

It's been quite a while since I've blogged/been on Twitter/done anything remotely social media related. I went home for a couple of days, then my sister came to stay last week and I've spent the weekend on various boats/hanging out with my fiance for once. I haven't even been thinking about my blog, or writing, or being on Twitter.

And it has felt so good.

I can't lie. It's been amazing. All that pressure I felt at the beginning of summer (you may remember my panicked IWSG post? Yeah, that) has mostly melted away. True, when I think about what I wanted to accomplish this summer, I still feel a bit sad and panicky that I haven't managed to write two whole books and plan a further two - but then again, I've had such a good time just totally switching off, that I don't regret it at all.

In all honesty, as much as I love being a part of the online writing community, it's not very good for my mental health. I'm one of those people who constantly obsess over little things, and I feel like I'm doing something wrong because everyone else seems to living the dream, whereas I'm just constantly plodding along behind, desperately trying to catch up. My worst habit is comparing myself to others, and although I know I'm being stupid, my anxiety still doesn't let go. It's no good telling someone with anxiety to simply 'get over it', or to 'stop worrying' because the point is, they can't. Trust me, they want to - they want to stop obsessing more than anything in the world, but it's incredibly difficult to break the cycle of obsessive thoughts and worrying once you get into it. You just need time, and patience and - for me at least - to get out of your own head for a while.

So, really, what I'm trying to say is that I may not be around as much as I have been. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to try and blog every week, but I'm not going to exhaust myself trying to do it. I'm also going to be cutting my time on Twitter - me and social media have had an on/off relationship for years and it's only lately that I've realised how much social media feeds my anxiety. It's why I barely use Facebook anymore. I'd rather not put myself through the pain of obsessive and depressing thoughts for days on end, just because someone I barely know got a new hairstyle, and my hair hasn't been cut in weeks. Sound stupid? That's because it is. And yet, my poor brain will still go into overdrive.

I'm hoping that by cutting my time on social media, it'll not only give me a proper break and a chance to relax, but it'll also help me start writing again. I have the ideas and the inspiration but I do appear to be procrastinating rather a lot (or maybe this is what every author goes through before writing their second book? If so, let me know in the comments!) and once again, if I happen to see that Author X, Y & Z have all got book deals/movie deals/releasing their 10th book in a year on Twitter, then it'll just make my anxiety worse (see above. See, told you it was a vicious circle).

This week, I'm going to visit a friend in London for a few days, before spending my last week of the holidays up north with my family. I'm ssooo looking forward to it. I may feel inspired to write a little today, but then again, I may not, and that's okay too. To be honest, I'm mainly planning on spending today sitting in the sunshine, reading - I bought a new book last week for the first time in forever, and it feels great to be reading again (for those of you who are curious, it's a little book called The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, and you're not allowed to tell me ANYTHING that happens, okay? Okay, good) - reading a great book always inspires me to write, so it's not going to be time wasted at all ;).

I'm off now to sit in the sun and relax. Sorry for the ultra-long post, but I thought you guys deserved a decent explanation for everything.

Have a great week, everyone!

Have you ever been on a social media break? Did it help you write/focus/relax at all? How's your summer going?

6 comments:

I'm so glad that you had some fun and did some relaxing. You definitely deserve it. I take breaks from my blog and social media all the time. If I'm really writing or feeling overwhelmed, my social media presence is the first to suffer. I hope you enjoy that book. Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Taking a break is good. And we all need. You know, I still feel like others are doing more and having more success than I am. I am constantly envious of my blogging friends even while being happy for them. I guess it's all a matter of perspective. Sending you hugs!