How to Break Out of Your Shell at School

Sleep plays a surprising role.

Moving to a new state and starting over at a new school sounds exhilarating — until you realize it's time to socialize with a whole new group. With so many changes, acclimatizing to college may seem more difficult you’re your advanced calculus class. But remember: Everyone is feeling the same way as you — some students are just easier at hiding it, Dr. Carol Langlois, a teen and youth culture expert and author of Girl Talk: Boys, Bullies and Body Image, tells Teen Vogue. With that in mind, use these tips to help you break out of your shell so college is no sweat.

Sleep tight

Yes, eight hours of shut-eye is definitely your ticket to staying awake during class, but it also presents an opportunity to begin a new slate and help manage those night-before jitters.

“Set yourself up for success before you go to bed. Have your alarm set to play your favorite song so you wake up in a comfortable space. Or, have a photo of you and your best friends by the bed that you can look at first thing in the morning. I’d rather wake up looking at that instead of a bunch of schoolbooks sprawled across the floor,” Dr. Carol says.

Similarly, anything that reminds you that you are talented, valued, and loved creates the same effect. Dig up any trophies or special ribbons and splay them across your night table.

Start your morning off on the right foot

Yes, breakfast is definitely a must, but overnight oats aren't going to do you any good if your mind isn’t in the right place.

Dr. Carol suggests practicing positive thinking for three to five minutes before you get out of bed (that does not include scrolling through Instagram!). Keep your eyes closed and remain calm, breathing in and out.

“Tell yourself ‘Today is going to be a good day. I am going to have fun with my friends. School is going to be okay,’ and so forth,” she says. “You have to consistently manage the negative attitude, get out of bed with a clear head, and start the day in a positive space, or at least move in that direction.”

Don’t overanalyze

Think about all those times you tried to rehearse what you’d say out loud, only to beat yourself up after it came out wrong, or someone spoke over you and you missed your chance. Conversations that flow organically breed deeper bonds.

“I know this may sound strange, but don’t think too much. Stop constantly second-guessing, questioning, and wondering. I know blocking out the negative can be exhausting, but what’s the alternative? Being depressed, sad, or angry? Think of all the energy you waste dwelling on those feelings,” Dr. Carol says.

Initiate conversations

Stranger danger is a real thing — but think of it this way: all of your best friends were at one point completely foreign to you. You’ve got to start somewhere.

Dr. Carol offers some fail-proof convo starters:

What's that book that you are reading? Do you like it? What's it about?
I think you are in my 3rd period math class. Do you like the teacher, or the class? Here is my number. Maybe we can study together sometime?
I love your shoes, earring, perfume, etc. where did you get it?
Hey, look at this GIF on my phone. My friend just sent it to me. Isn't it funny?

Be approachable

Body language does more of the talking than the words themselves, according to Patti Wood, body language expert and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma. "Smile as you walk across campus, walk down your dorm or class hallway or enter any room. Take the initiative to make eye contact, say hello and introduce yourself. Keep your body language open," she says. A life hack to live by: once you enter class or an after-school activity for the first time, park yourself near the door and greet people with a smile as they walk in.

Move friendships outside the classroom

If the goal is to foster school friendships and eventually turn them into friends you see on weekends, we got you. Dr. Carol says “Teen confidence isn't something you are necessarily born with. It isn't a fixed concept, it can change and grow with you.” Those tend to gain confidence quickly, she says, either work, volunteer or play a sport. What do they all have in common? They’re social, hold you accountable, and allow you to contribute to a larger cause. Whether the school newspaper, a fundraiser or tutoring service, don’t overlook your college’s built-in communities.

"The concept of being part of a team and striving toward something together creates a sense of belonging and pride, kind of like a family," she says. "Looking beyond yourself strengthens maturity, confidence and self-esteem."

Wood says to think of yourself as a joiner. "If there is a movie night on campus, a student union game night, or dorm room function, go!" she says. "The first week of my freshman year, I joined the fencing club, went to a freshman dance though I had been the girl no one ever asked to dance, went to the dorm watermelon eating contest, and volunteered to referee the impromptu volley ball game on the campus green. I met great new friends with each activity."