Civic Awards!

It’s time for the Municipal League of King County’s 50th Annual Civic Awards!

Still nothing?

Allow me to explain… The Muni League has been around for a long time. They’re known for their candidate ratings, their independent research, and their quiche. Every year they give out awards to people who have done something useful for the community. They invite everyone in Sen. Fred Jarrett’s rolodex over to a nice venue for finger food and $9.00 Diet Cokes.

WHERE: Seattle Art MuseumWHEN: March 25 from 6 to 8:30 p.mHOW MUCH: $70 general admission, $60 Municipal League Members

(Admission includes 2009 Membership and a “Jim Vesely column Decoder Ring,” beer, wine, passed hors d’ouevres and a dessert gift bag at the end of the evening.)

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I apologize if this is a bit off-topic, but it is about a civic award of sorts:

The time has come to announce the winner of the inaugural Troll of the Week Award (aka The Golden Goat). I would like to begin by thanking all of our contestants. Your enthusiasm and competitive spirit were contagious. I would also like to thank all of you non-trolls who offered suggestions and voted.

During the course of the competition, a number of criteria were offered as instructive to picking a winner. Examples of such criteria include: failure to present a logical argument; failure to think beyond the simplistic (classic troll examples: the stock market is down, so Obama is bad; or, it is cold, so global warming is a hoax); racism; failure to understand criticism or recognize either humor or sarcasm; obliviousness to how stupid one appears; failure to even examine one’s own sources and misinterpretation of such sources; blind partisanship; the inability to lace two sentences together; incoherence; refusal to condemn anyone on the same side no matter how ridiculous or offensive the position; failure to recognize that the GOP got its ass kicked in November and that rightwingers are an endangered species; volume of nonsense spewed; and, simply, never adding anything of value to the discourse, not even amusement value.

Now, while such criteria are helpful and lend some objectivity to the selection process, ultimately the determining factor is more intuitive—to paraphrase Justice Potter Stewart’s definition of pornography, we know true trollness when we see it. What I saw in trying to pick this week’s top troll was most impressive. I expected the race to come down to two, maybe three, competitors, but, lord, did some of you ramp it up at the end. You scrapped, cajoled, snarked, and baffled. You picked yourselves up when thrown to the ground, dusted yourselves off, and got back into the game. You evaded reason, reality, and respectful discourse like they were toxic bacteria. You embraced intolerance, insolency, and unrighteous indignation like a sot cradles a bottle of booze. Your efforts were truly inspirational.

So, coming to my own selection was difficult. I’m sure others who voted similarly had to struggle with choosing from what is a very deep bench (unlike the contemporary GOP’s political bench). Nonetheless, in tallying up the votes of others and in engaging in my own selection process, a few candidates clearly emerged as top caliber trolls. We all know who they are, but I believe we should still pay them tribute by naming them: Puddy, Cynical, Marvie, manoftruth, The Truth, Mark, Mark1. Each of these candidates has some compelling strengths, none have any glaring weaknesses. They are, in a word, gamers. So, to those who will be disappointed at not getting the Goat, please remember that it wasn’t for lack of skill and there’s always next week. (Let me request that none of you ask for a recount or a do-over election.)

Now, with that introduction, it is my great privilege to announce the winner of the inaugural Troll of the Week Award . . . And, the Goat goes to–

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