Reflections, ideas, and generally anything on my mind

Brother

So I don’t even really have time to post a blog right now, but I really want to, so I will try to be quick.

First I will give you some context as I know that some people reading my blogs don’t know much about my family or what has been going on with me this year.
My brother Daniel is in the marines and is currently stationed in Japan. We are really close so it is hard for me to have to go so long without seeing him. As you probably know if you have read my past blogs, talked to me lately, or seen my myspace page, our mother passed away this year in May. It was the most bittersweet thing for my brother to come home while my mother was dying in the hospital. It was the worse possible reason for him to be visiting, but I had missed him so much that it was so nice to see him again (what an understatement that is). I think that I have a special relationship with my brother because we have gone through so much hardship over the years. I think that losing our mother, whom we both loved more than words can express, also aided us in growing closer to each other. It was extremely devastating to leave him at the airport when he had to go back to Japan. I wish I could talk to him face to face every day.

So there you go…thats your context. Now on to what I was planning on writing about. So lately we haven’t been able to communicate with Daniel as much because he moved rooms and no longer has a phone that he could use. He also has limited internet use. We can’t call him and he doesn’t have much opportunity to call us. (At least lately he has been able to email us a bit). A few weeks ago he sent us an email and it literally brought me to tears. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I miss him.
In a few weeks he will be going on a big ship and going from port to port. So we will not be able to be in contact with him at all. I’m not sure how long he will be doing that, but I know it will be much longer than I want it to be. I’m thinking it will be a few months, but possibly a year. I don’t remember exactly what he told me about that, but even so, the military changes plans very often.
The other night, well it was about 4 in the morning(sunday morning), my phone rang. Of course, I was sleeping so it woke me up, but I didn’t recognize the number so I didn’t want to answer it. So naturally I just pressed the button on the side to quiet the phone and went back to sleep. When I woke up and listened to my voice mail, I was very upset with myself. It was my brother. He had finally gotten a chance to call me, and I didn’t answer the phone! In the voicemail, though, he said he would try to call the next day if he could find a way. So I prayed all day that he would be able to call.
I was half expecting him to call in the middle of the night last night, but he didn’t. So I was pretty sad about it thinking “if only I had just picked up the phone!!”
To my surprise, I got a phone call today, at noon. I did not recognize the number…it was Daniel! I was so happy to hear his voice! We talked about what we had been up to and whatnot. We had a good conversation. I didn’t want to stop talking to him, but he had to go after about a half hour. So we exchanged I-Love-you’s as we both knew very well that anything could happen and this could be the last conversation we have. This realization does not come only because he is a marine and his job can be dangerous. It is because the unthinkable happened last May. We had no way of knowing that our mother would be gone so soon. I think every time me and my brother say goodbye now, we make sure we are leaving on good terms. And we always make sure the other one knows we love them. Oh, I hope that wasn’t our last conversation. I hope I get to see him and hug him again. But only time will tell. All I can do is pray and wait. And trust that God won’t put anything on my plate that I can’t handle swallowing.

So of course you know I am going to tell you this: you never know when someone you love so dearly is going to pass away. Please make sure you don’t leave anything left unsaid. I was fortunate enough to feel that my mother knew everything that I could have possibly wanted to say to her. We left on very good terms. I can’t imagine what it would be like if we hadn’t.

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“So we exchanged I-Love-you’s as we both knew very well that anything could happen and this could be the last conversation we have. This realization does not come only because he is a marine and his job can be dangerous. It is because the unthinkable happened last May.” -this is so beautifully put together.