Monday, December 31, 2018

Sadly I was unable to attend the mid-year meet of the
Hamilton Press Club, when Land Wars historian Vincent O’Malley was speaker. Press
Club meets are usually decorous and respectful but apparently that one got a
bit raucous when perma-polite Don Brash asked a disobliging question. Herald journalist Kirsty Johnston was
there and tweeted (since deleted but the Internet doesn’t work like that) the
only account of that event I have seen:

So expectations were high for the end-of-year meet with Green
MP Golriz Ghahraman as speaker. Disappointingly Don wasn’t there but there were
a bunch of writer friends; a bunch of journalists, mostly harmless; political
operatives such as Simon Bridges, Sean Plunket, Matthew Hooton and Richie
Hardcore; and one I do know, Hamilton West MP Tim McIndoe, whom I sat next to
at lunch. He was admirably frank about Certain Things, but, you know, Chatham
House rules.

At a front table sat Kirsty Johnston, Lizzie Marvelly and Noelle
McCarthy. At the table behind them sat Sean Plunket, star of 2017’s end-of-year
meet. My report is here.
I thought his best line then was, “After 32 years in journalism you could
probably use my ego as tiles on a space shuttle.” He also asked that there
be no live-tweeting during his talk “because it’s fucking rude”. Was he
live-tweeting through Ghahraman’s talk? Yes, he was.

Steve Braunias, MC of the event, clad in a tropical shirt
appropriate for the humidity — a thunderstorm was imminent —.kicked off by
declaring, “We’re here to be nice.” Like hell we are, I thought — we’re
journalists and politicians. Next, he threw to the floor the nametags of people
who were invited but had not turned up : “some c—t called
Jamie Strange.” Strange is a Labour list MP and avid writer of letters to the Waikato Times. “The Labour Party begged
me to invite him but the fucker didn’t turn up.”

He acknowledged the presence of Marvelly, author of The F-Word, but was critical of Marama
Davidson, “author of The C-Word”, for
being another non-attendee. More positively: “Hamilton Press Club is a search
for meaning — and what is Hamilton but a search for meaning?” Then, sternly, to
Richie Hardcore: “Stop texting or we’ll tell Paula Bennett. Won’t we, Simon.”

More positively still, he announced the Wintec Journalism School awards: Donna-Lee
Biddle won the Alumni Awardfor
her brilliant Waikato Times series on life in Huntly East. Rising Star was
Horiana Henderson (open to employment offers, editors!). Best writer in New
Zealand journalism was Madeleine Chapman who, as Braunias said, broke the story
on “those wretches from World”. She expressed appreciation for his tutoring, his
praising certain pieces and how much it meant: “Steve won’t hold back if he
doesn’t like something we wrote.” How Matthew Hooton laughed.

A prize of a rainbow trout was presented to Noelle McCarthy
and her husband John Daniell (author of the excellent rugby novel The Fixer) on the occasion of their
moving to the Wairarapa. Lucky them, on both counts.

Braunias then uttered the magic words, “I think this is
probably an excellent time for me to shut up.”

Ghahraman spoke mostly about identity politics. There was an
awful lot about Donald Trump. An edited version of her speech notes is here,
mercifully Trump-free.

Some highlights:

“I have a degree in sex. We’ll have time for questions
later.” (She doesn’t really, and we didn’t.)

“It’s time to load our shotguns.” (I think this was about
Twitter.)

Metiria Turei was savaged by every Pakeha male in the media “including at RNZ”. (Astonished emphasis
speaker’s own.)

At question time first up was: “That was fucking awesome.
How do you not cry when you’re speaking like that from the heart?”

Next, Braunias to Hooton: “Matthew, it’s interesting having
a man of your calibre here. Do you have a question?”

An uproar ensued, led by Marvelly and Johnston, I think, with
Plunket shouting “Oh, fuck you!”, at Marvelly, I think. As angry white men go,
Plunket is a large specimen. Like Walt Whitman, he is large, he contains
multitudes. The sight and sound of him swearing shoutily at a woman half his
size was unpleasant.

Braunias calmed it down well from the stage and questions
resumed. All those that touched on Turei started from the assumption that any
criticism was based on her being a woman and a Maori, not on anything she had
done. Ghahraman: “Even if it’s aimed at an individual we know where it’s coming
from.”

At 3.05 Richie Hardcore, the back of whose T-shirt read “Call
My Lawyer”, asked a question. As soon as Ghahraman ended her reply he was back
on his phone.

The last question was from Marvelly: “How do you sustain
your humanity?”

Ghahraman replied, “Thank you. That means a lot, especially
from someone who maintains a standard of composure online. . . Because you’re constantly fighting for
humanity, how can you lose it?”

Stuff’s non-eyewitness report on the event is here;
Newshub’s is here.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

From the edition of Friday 13
December. As always, spelling, punctuation, paragraphing, grammar and logic are
exactly as printed in the Waikato
Times.

Whale
stranding theory 101

What a sad catastrophe, the beaching of so many whales
around the coasts of NZ. No real reason for this periodic disaster appears to
be officially found. I’d like to suggest a possible reason.

Whales send and receive sounds underwater that
allow them to navigate their marine terrain and to keep in contact with their
mammalian community. So one can understand their confusion/disorientation when
their delicate hearing is assaulted with an enormous blast

of sound from which there is no escape. Could
this be from the navigational system of a nuclear submarine which has the
capability of circumnavigating NZ under water? Our nuclear-free policy would
stop any call into a port, and homeland security would stop any connection
between whales beaching and a nuclear submarines presence. It’s just a
suspicion not a conspiracy theory.

Saturday, December 8, 2018

From the edition of Saturday 8
December. As always, spelling, punctuation, grammar and logic are exactly as
printed in the Waikato Times.

This
one concerns the Waitaha people, who according to Barry Brailsford were here
before the Maori. Michael King demolished Brailsford’s first book about this in
Metro in 1995 (and later in his 2003 Penguin History of New Zealand). Soon
after, Bob Harvey, then Waitakere mayor, made me spend two hours in Brailsford’s
company being harangued about the Waitaha and the evils of Michael King. Until
then I had considered Bob a friend.

History
teaching backed

Pou brings wars to school yard. Guest speaker Sir
Harawira Gardiner status – “a fundamental building block of any civilised
society is an understanding of its history.” For 150 years, the New Zealand
wars had “Danced in the Shadows” of mainstream learning”.

If we are to teach New Zealand history, be it war
history, or general history, then it is our responsibility to start at the
beginning, not halfway as mentioned. Go back to when man first set foot on New
Zealand soils. The real tangata whenua of New Zealand, the
Kahupungapunga/Patupaiarehe/Waitaha peoples.

What became of them, and why are these people and
their history being deliberately suppressed even today. “Who are we to deny
them their rights to be heard, and to be remembered”.