How To Talk About Cancer

When a friend tells you someone in her family has cancer, it can be hard to know exactly what to say or do. But it doesn't have to be awkward! Seventeen talked with F Cancer founder Yael Cohen and got tips on how you can help a friend through the hardest time of her life.

Seventeen: What should someone say if a friend comes to her and says someone in their family has cancer?

Yael Cohen: This is one of those gray areas where there's no right thing to say. The most important thing is to show support for your friend, because she is going through something really, really difficult. One thing you can do is write your friend a card about all the amazing things about herself so she remembers how wonderful and strong she is. Cook or bake something! Often when a family member gets cancer, the day-to-day things just go out the window. Ask what they actually need instead of vaguely saying, 'I'm here if you need anything.' Ask about more specific things, like if your friend wants you to pick up her homework for her from class or if you can bring over your class notes and help her study.

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17: Is it OK to tell other people in your friend group about it or is it something the friend would want to tell everyone herself?

YC: That's a good question to ask your friend. You should give support however your friend needs it. Don't tip-toe around the subject. Ask how she's doing and how her parents are doing. Often, someone dealing with cancer will want to talk about it, but won't want to burden someone with the gravity of how they're feeling. But you should still have normal conversations, too! Your friend is still the same person and she still cares about celebrity gossip and stuff going on with your friends!

17: How often should someone ask their friend how she's doing?

YC: There's different ways to ask. When you chat with your friend, don't avoid talking about it. It's something that's seriously on her mind. It doesn't have to be all you talk about, but you should still talk about it!

17: If a friend tells you her mom or dad has cancer, should you say, "I'm sorry" next time you see their mom or dad? Or should you act like you don't know, since they didn't tell you about it directly?

YC: It depends on how open the situation is, but generally, cancer is not a secret. It's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about so we shouldn't feel embarrassed to talk about it.

17: What part of letsfcancer.com do you think is most helpful to show a friend who is dealing with cancer?

YC: We actually have a section called "Get Educated" and if you click on "Cancer" and then"Diagnosis," there is a tab called "People." It's a great resource for people with cancer and their friends.

For more advice about how to talk about cancer and how you can help your friend, head to letsfcancer.com!