It seems like everything has to happen at once, doesn't it?

GAH. I'm a month into senior year and ready to have a complete mental breakdown.

I posted a while back about my self-harming friend...I *thought* we'd been getting better - there were no more frantic late-night texts about how bad things were and he seemed to be balancing everything okay (not better obviously, but not at the scary point he was at a couple weeks ago). And then out of the blue, he told me that he honestly thought he was going to die a few nights ago but didn't call me because he didn't want to bother me. UGH. How many times to I have to tell him that he can wake me up/interrupt me/do whatever he needs to talk to me and that I'm FINE with it before he believes me? So that's always niggling at the back of my mind, wondering how he's doing.

And then there's the whole thing with my principal... He's decided to censor the school newspaper (which I am the Opinion Editor for) and we've been fighting him and it's been SUPER stressful - I've been pulled out of class a few times for meetings and it just feels like he's NOT listening to us. At all. UGH. Right now, we've kind of unhappily agreed to let him view the stories just so that we can put out a paper but it's just FRUSTRATING. We've been given the highest award possible from MIPA TWO years in a row (neither of those were under prior review). We've been ranked Top 5 in Michigan. We're nationally recognized and have not needed to run any sort of a correction in over two years. And yet he thinks we can't fact-check and find appropriate sources? And I also feel that going behind our backs and calling us "immature" (among other nasty things) was NOT the way to go about it. Ugh.

I also decided to try and make my schedule awesome for college apps by taking 2 AP's and a couple other really tough classes...I am regretting it SO MUCH. I am completely lost in my AP Bio class and I'm barely holding on in my Spanish class. I have a huge AP Bio test on Friday that I am TERRIFIED for (I missed the day he taught us C3 and C4 plants and the book doesn't make sense and he's always busy after school) which isn't helping the stress level at all.

OH, and then my car died on Saturday. We just got it back and it was almost $1200 to fix and now my parents are guilting me about how they had to spend all that money and I still make them pay for riding lessons and stuff (okay, they pay for me to ride 1x a week, I work of the rest and I don't pay for gas because I don't have a job and NO ONE is hiring). I'm also going to get a 0 for one of my assignments for the newspaper because I didn't have a car to go to businesses and sell advertisements.

On top of this all, I need to have college apps done. SOON. They were supposed to be done Oct. 1 but obviously that didn't happen. I'm starting to freak out that my grades won't be enough to get me in, and I hate it. Right now, I have a 3.654 GPA and I got a 29 the first and only time I took the ACT. I want to go to Michigan State University SO badly but I'm worried that I'm too mediocre for them to accept me. One of the admissions counselors came to my school to speak about MSU today and it only solidified the fact that i WANT to go there. I've been there several times and I love the campus - sure, it's almost 50,000 students but it's beautiful and feels perfect for me and they're so big that when I find out what I want to do, chances are they'll offer it. Plus, they have a QUIDDITCH team! But anyways, the guy talked and I talked to him a little bit after his whole speech and I want to get in SO badly but I'm scared that I've been too "eh" throughout my HS career even though there's not really anything I can do at this point...I just hope that my GPA, my ACT score, my schedule throughout high school and my newspaper stuff will get me in.

Also, I'm trying to write my personal statement and I can't get it right. Everything feels too awkward and forced and I just want to get it done and submitted. : |

Oh, and on top of that my migraines are getting worse. Physical therapy round II and the bite splint aren't helping at all. The splint just might be making my jaw worse. Awesome.

Gahh, it just feels like everything is crashing down around me RIGHT NOW. I want to go back to being a sophomore, really. There was so little stress two years ago...

(sorry for the long pity party/rant I'm just SO frustrated right now. I'm off to write a poetry response for my AP Lit class...it should be interesting haha)

In regards to your friend, I hope he gets better soon, and I hope he realizes he can talk to you and call you at anytime, he is lucky alot of people do not have a friend like you.
I'm also sure you will get into the school you want, and if you don't get in there there will be a school that is even better that wants you! You seem like an awesome person, and with your AP classes maybe get extra help from the teachers if you are really concerned about your grades.
Sorry to hear about your car, it sucks it died.
And with the principal censoring your paper, maybe have a teacher approach him about it, mention the reason the paper is so respected is because of how it is written and how opinionated and diverse it is ( I have no idea what it is really like sorry )
Hope you get de-frustrated soon!

In regards to your friend, I hope he gets better soon, and I hope he realizes he can talk to you and call you at anytime, he is lucky alot of people do not have a friend like you.
I'm also sure you will get into the school you want, and if you don't get in there there will be a school that is even better that wants you! You seem like an awesome person, and with your AP classes maybe get extra help from the teachers if you are really concerned about your grades.
Sorry to hear about your car, it sucks it died.
And with the principal censoring your paper, maybe have a teacher approach him about it, mention the reason the paper is so respected is because of how it is written and how opinionated and diverse it is ( I have no idea what it is really like sorry )
Hope you get de-frustrated soon!

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I'm guilty of lurking, too!

There are a group of three of us who know about my friend (and his parents and a counselor...) so it kind of helps to have them in it with me, if that makes any sense. It's just scary to have him tell me AFTER THE FACT that he had a really rough night :\

I HOPE. I rewrote my personal statement because he was stressing how important it is so...now it's completely different haha. But I'm happier with it. So.

I was randomly searching for MSU posts on stables and stumbled on your thread. First of all, i hope your past week and a half has improved since you wrote this! And i was just gona put my two cents in on MSU. Im a Sophomore at Michigan State University and its a wonderful place to go! the atmosphere is fantastic and if you dont have a horse here and need your horse fix, then the pavilion is right down the road with horse shows almost every weekend! Do not doubt yourself! when you apply, the school likes to see that by your senior year, you are still challenging yourself which it sounds like you are. Your ACT scores and GPA is high enough to get you in good standing for acceptance. If this is the school that you think is for you, then go for it

I submitted my application to State last week so now I'm just waiting. I'm SUPPOSED to have a response by November 11, but I dunno whether it'll happen haha. I'm veryveryvery nervous! I'd love to be somewhat involved with horses once I leave for college, so that's awesome! My friend is a freshman at State and I think she's doing something with the equestrian team there.

I've never been on a guided tour of State but I'm up there a lot for journalism things and I've stayed in the dorms for a week each summer since sophomore year and I like the dorms I've stayed in, the buildings I've had classes in and the campus that I've walked through.

Right now, it's between Michigan State and Central. I love both campuses and it's looking like I could get more scholarship money for Central (especially if I enter the Centralis scholarship) but we'll just have to see who accepts me, lol.

The only useful advice I may be able to give you would be about your friend I have a pretty severe self harming problem, and I really don't have supportive friends, so it's great that you're there for him
Let him know how important he really is to you and that you will never be bothered by his calls or texts, because you want to help him Also, do you know exactly what the self harming is because of? If you don't, maybe ask him and try to emotionally help him in whatever way you can. Hope that helps a little.