​Many people are really excited for Coachella and its coifed, stately musicality this year. However, there are surely (ahem) some people who think that Coachella is a party for wimps and that we need more old-school, flame-throwing, bug-eyed aggression in our musical landscape.

Well, the prayers, or rather "demands" (the poster clearly states that distinction), of such folks have been answered. The week, after hipster heroes like the Strokes, Kings of Leon, and Arcade Fire shower skinny-jean-clad music fans with their contemporary artistry at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California, four of the most ass-kicking hard-rock acts of all time will descend upon the same grounds to thrash, seek, and destroy all sissy vibes left over from the hipster herd with an assault called The Big 4 Festival.

The Big 4 will feature Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth, and Anthrax. The four... err, Big Four toured Europe together last year, which was a huge deal, but this will be the first time the four musical beasts will share a bill in the nation that spawned them. We predict that this combination will be enough to draw the fiery demons that dwell beneath the California desert to the surface. But we don't think there is much need for concern. Because the weekend after the slay-a-thon, the Stagecoach Music Festival will bring an army of country stars like Keney Chesney and Darius Rucker (AKA Hootie) to Indio, and that should be enough to send the demons racing back down to their metal-blaring lairs.