YERMITS VS. ROBOTS VS APPLES: BATTLE OF INCOMPREHENSIBILY CUTE THINGS, OR MAYBE THINGS DRESSED AS OTHER THINGS WE DIDN’T REALLY TALK ABOUT WHAT TO CALL IT.

This is week eleven! The Theme: Forbidden Lore.

Okay, so I was going to do a Freemason bot for this week’s theme, but have you seen a freemason lately? They wear these aprons? It’s… uh… traditional or something? Anyway, I just couldn’t do it. Freemasonry may have a solid foundation of mystical woowoo and secret, forbidden lore roots, but the apron is a dealbreaker.

But you know who is totally stuffed full of forbidden lore?

Mothereffin Knights Templar. (Actually, it would seem that the freemasons are at least partially responsible for some of the lore surrounding the Templars. OF COURSE.) Anyway, supposedly the Knights Templar know all sorts of things, like where the holy grail is, and the masonic secrets, and how they get the caramel into a caramilk bar.

I am, of course, skeptical. If the Knights Templar knew where the Holy Grail was, they totally could have made nazis drink from it so that they would melt. That could’ve worked, right?

Also I should probably make a Monty Python reference here, to go along with that Indiana Jones one.

It’s been awhile since high school history class, and I realized that I really only have two hazy recollections about Napoleon: he was a french dude who did some stuff, and he was shorty mcshortshort.

So, I thought I should probably fact check this, mostly because all I really remember about this unit was that the teacher played ABBA’s “Waterloo” for us (warning, the first bit of that video will totally give you seizures. And not just because of what Bjorn is wearing.). So I went where we all go when fact checking is needed: the Wikipedia.

So there you go. Mr. Bonaparte wasn’t labouring under a need to prove himself because of a height complex, he was labouring under a need to prove himself so he could take command and rule the world. Just like every other General-type dude in history.