The purpose of The Christian Working Woman is to equip and encourage Christians in the workplace to love Christ more, to live their daily lives by biblical principles, and to go to their jobs as ambassadors for Jesus Christ. For more information on our ministry go to: www.christianworkingwoman.org.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

it’s not always your FAULT!

by Florence
MacKenzie This article was originally published in Just Between Us, Spring 2012

Rowan, our English Springer Spaniel, puzzled us
recently. While my husband and I were eating, Rowan
suddenly became extremely attentive, to the point where he became a nuisance.
One of the ways he lets us know he wants out is by tugging gently on one of our
sleeves. He did this a few times during our meal, so we gave him the benefit of
the doubt and opened the door for him to go outside. Normally, he would settle down with a chew toy
after coming back inside, but on this occasion he continued to jump up and tug
at our clothes. We gave him a further opportunity to go out, which he took, but
carried on in the same way when he came back indoors.

Let me fill you in on some background. A few
minutes before our meal, a glass tumbler had fallen onto the kitchen floor and
shattered. I was concerned that Rowan might stand on the broken glass, so I ushered him out of the
kitchen while I cleared up the mess. We then sat down to dinner and Rowan began his antics.

Then it dawned on me! Knowing Rowan is a sensitive
dog, I think he believed he was responsible for breaking the tumbler and
his over-attentiveness toward us arose from a desire for reassurance. I suppose he interpreted
being moved to another room as some form of punishment for this “crime”, when in
reality he was put elsewhere to protect him from the painful effects of walking on broken
glass. He felt guilty about something he didn’t do!

How many of us are like this sometimes? We
take on board false guilt over circumstances completely outside our control. Maybe it’s
in a marriage relationship, where we blame ourselves for things not working out well,
forgetting that there is another half to our partnership who may not be pulling his or
her weight. Or perhaps we do this in a work context, thinking it’s our fault that the
boss is in a bad mood, when the reason for this might be nothing to do with us at all.

Our thinking really does impact how we feel
and one way we can begin to manage our various emotions is to pay attention to
what we allow ourselves to think. Over time, layers of faulty thinking build up
in our minds and these can have a negative effect on our feelings. For example,
when we believe something that isn’t true, our thinking goes down a wrong route
and we run the risk of responding in an emotionally inappropriate way.

This happened to me a few days ago when I received
no reply to an email I had sent to one of my friends. When my initial thought
of “she’s probably busy” began to change to “maybe she doesn’t appreciate my
friendship”, I knew it was time to stop this faulty thinking, especially as I
was beginning to feel a little tetchy at not getting a reply! I had to remind myself
that my friend has a lot of responsibilities which take up her time and the fact
she hadn’t yet gotten around to replying to me was no reflection on the quality
of our friendship. When I took this more accurate perspective, I no longer felt
irritable. However, even if my friend had made a conscious decision to ignore
my email, I can still choose my thoughts, attitudes and emotions. It’s good to
know that none of us needs to be a victim of our thought patterns and emotional
responses.

THINK ABOUT YOUR THINKING…

…by asking
whether a thought is true(Philippians 4:8). A lot of our stress in life comes from thinking
things that aren’t true. We find ourselves listening to (and perhaps believing)
gossip, holding on to thoughts of false guilt, and speculating about the future.

…by
acknowledging your thoughts and attitudes need to be renewed(Ephesians 4:23). Let’s not fool ourselves by holding on to those
layers of faulty thinking that need to be peeled away.

…by allowing
God to transform you by changing what you think about(Romans 12:2). This involves the continual reprogramming
of our minds to bring our thoughts back into line with the truth of God’s Word. If we want
to alter the way we feel, perhaps we should try identifying the thinking
leading to that feeling.