Brexit bill to be a terrible betrayal of someone

12th June 2018

Get Daily Mash headlines:

THE Brexit bill coming to the Commons this afternoon will definitely end up being a terrible betrayal of someone, MPs have agreed.

No matter which of the 15 proposed amendments are voted through, politicians will be stabbing either Brexiters, Remainers, small businesses, large businesses, Scotland, Northern Ireland or the prime minister in the back.

Susan Traherne, Labour MP for Stretford and Urmston, said: “I’m a Remainer from a Leave constituency in a party whose members voted Remain but whose leader is secretly hard Leave, so I’m fucked every way up.

“I could betray my constituents by backing the amendment for a meaningful vote but then the Sun’s screaming at me not to, and my rule usually is that if you do the opposite of what the Sun says then you can’t go wrong.

“Will a hard Brexit break up the UK? Will a soft Brexit spark armed revolution? Does my own opinion that we cannot trust this government not to fuck absolutely everything up count for anything?

“In the end I’ve decided to focus on just one of my constituents and betray him personally. Darren Wells, butcher of Moorside Road, Urmston, I’m voting everything you don’t want. This one’s for you.”