I hadn’t picked up God Calling in several months, but last night, I felt a nudge. So, I opened to a random page and read…

“It is not circumstances that need altering first, but yourselves, and then the conditions will naturally alter. Spare no effort to become all I would have you be. Endeavor to put from you every thought of trouble. Take each day, and with no backward look, face the day’s problem with Me, and seek My help and guidance as to what you can do.”

There it all is, in one compact paragraph: God’s advice on how to think about infertility, and how to get through it.

Did it rock your world? No? Then look again. All the answers are in there.

“It is not circumstances that need altering first, but yourselves….” When infertility is diagnosed, it is common for couples to respond with surprise, fear and anger. We want to know: Why us? Why this? Why now? Why? Why?!

It doesn’t occur to us that God might have orchestrated these circumstances for a purpose. All we can think is, “Fix this, God!” But God is fixing what is most urgently in need of repair: Us.

This infertility predicament, and all the associated circumstances, actually creates the perfect medium in which to mold and shape us. Uncertainty has made us malleable, and our deep desire to conceive has enabled God to get our attention in a whole new way. We “need altering first,” and this process is designed to effect that change.

“… and thenthe conditions will naturally alter.” Instead of constantly pushing, pulling, and pressuring — doing whatever we can to end this suffering! — we need to recognize that infertility is not punishment, and a child is not a reward. Despite how it feels, we are being blessed in the midst of this journey.

How so?

God is maturing and “ripening” us, patiently awaiting the change(s) that will make us more like the stewards He intends for the children who are coming — more faithful, more trusting, more intentional, more grateful, more selfless… more reliant on Him.

When the process results in the transformation He desires, “… then the conditions will naturally alter.” In other words, something will shift and the pieces will miraculously fall into place. In the meantime, God is at work preparing every one of the pieces for that miracle moment, so that our story will unfold in the best possible way.

So, what do we do now? How do we work with God to bring about this change so that “… and then…” can draw nearer? The answers are right there in that power-packed paragraph:

1) “Spare no effort to become all I would have you be.” – Lean into the process of change. Instead of resenting your circumstances, recognize that they are a critical part of your transformation. Be an active participant in it! Put everything you have into understanding what God wants from you – who He is calling you to be – and then do all you can to become that person.

2) “Endeavor to put from you every thought of trouble.” – Rest in the knowledge of God’s goodness and purposefulness. Try not to waste energy on fear or worry. Do your best to reject every thought that is inconsistent with God’s promise to do “more than you can ask or imagine.”

3) “Take each day, and with no backward look, face the day’s problem with Me….” – Take one day at a time. Focus on the future that is awaiting you, and the child who is part of it, rather than the difficulties that are already behind you. Remember that God walks with you daily, and He confronts every problem alongside you. You are never alone, never forgotten, and never ignored.

4) “… and seek My help and guidance as to what you can do.” – Recognize that both power and wisdom (about what you can and cannot do) are always available from God — but you must ask for them, believe you will receive them, and trust them. Choosing not to is tantamount to going it alone, and that is not the path to the future you want.

I promise: God never intended to deceive you about this journey. It has always been about the transformation He intends… en route to the dream you desire.

One response to “What Needs Fixing?”

Thank you for this post!! Sometimes, I am to scared to turn to God on this path of (in)fertility. I believe in God and that he has a plan for each of us, but I am just too scared to pray to him and to ask him to allow me to have a baby.