Braai Day upsets Cape Town hippies

CAPE TOWN. Residents of Kommetjie, behind Cape Town’s famous lentil curtain, have hit out at the organisers of National Braai Day, saying it has left them feeling both marginalized and horribly in denial about their appetite for steak.

Fruitarian, Rainbow Tilapia, said she thought Heritage Day should be about unity and embracing a shared humanity. “I understand that we have a proud culture of killing in South Africa,” she said, “but I don’t really think it’s something we should be promoting.

“I think we’d be much better off if we all agreed to meditate and make a nice mung dhal on the 24th instead,” she suggested.

When it was pointed out to her that South Africa’s past was littered with killing and burning and that the braai was a perfect metaphor, Tilapia said South Africa had much more to celebrate.

“We could have friends over for a simulcast showing of Under the Mountain,” she said. “Or we could dust off Brenda’s Weekend Specialand throw a party. A vegetarian Bunny Chow would be good or even a polony Gatsby from the Wembley Dinner.

“Nothing should have to die for us to celebrate our heritage,” she said.

Tilapia said she and her friends had tried to embrace the spirit of the day last year by cooking pineapple on an open fire. “But it didn’t work very well at all.

“I don’t know what was worse, the smell of burnt fruit or the hideous screaming of the pineapples as we led them to the flames.”

When asked why pineapples cried on their way to a fire while lentils heading for the stew went quietly into the night, Tilapia said she didn’t know.

“Perhaps they are just more stoic,” she proffered.

But she said it would be great if more South Africans gave up meat and murder for more peaceful ways of life.

When told about the suggestion, Senekal farmer, Poenang Vrieskas said he would give it a try. “I’ll eat chicken at lunch time,” he said. “That’s more vegetables than I would normally eat in a month.”