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Purpose Doesn’t End When the Relationship Does

I’ll be the first to admit that there was a point in life a few years ago where I was upset regarding my divorce, not just at my former husband, but mostly at myself for feeling like the choice to marry him, leave a high paying job, dedicate seven full-time years (and nine total) to helping my ex-husband prosper in his purpose, and all that good stuff was the worst mistake I could have ever made in life. Truth be told, in hindsight, I think I was also a little upset with God for allowing me to do that. (That’s crazy. I know.) It was as if my hurt wanted to convince me that honoring marriage according to God’s word, being obedient to His call to help my ex-husband and carrying out the role of the wife as helper was something I should not have done. (I tell you, disappointment will jack up your thinking if you allow it. That’s why it’s so important to press past disappointment to the beauty that lies ahead.). That wasn’t my first time flirting with those thoughts. I guess you can call it “regret”, but many times before I’d entertained the “woulda, shoulda, couldas” of life regarding relationship choices, job decisions, friendships and the likes. I see now, that that was also part of the reason I never played sports. In addition to not being athletic at all I don’t like losing. Needless to say, I snapped out of that place of being upset, choosing to place things in proper perspective to see all of the GOOD the Lord allowed for me even in the midst of entering into the realm of “My Life As I Know It, the Remix”.

Coming out of that space landed me briefly in another unfamiliar and unfortunate place. I was no longer angry or hurt, but had previously become consumed with constantly questioning how I was going to be who I was supposed to be after spending so much time connected to another and helping others (my former husband was a Pastor and a large part of my purpose during our marriage was helping him help people.) It was as if I was the only one asking “What about me?” regarding the future state of me. Again, it is so important not to stay in that place, but press past it as a natural part of the healing process. I, like many, who have lost any relationship of any type that, sadly, we allowed to somewhat define us, sometimes feel lost after it ends. It’s as if we’ve purchased stock in www.MySolePurposeIsInYours.com instead of www.IStillHavePurpose.com. (The last website does not exist, although it should.)

Whether it’s a divorcee’ who loses a mate, a widower who no longer has a spouse, a parent who loses a child, a person who loses a job, an athlete who loses a position, an actor who loses a role, a boyfriend who loses a girlfriend, or a friend who loses a friend, finding our “new” after losing is not only sometimes tough, it’s very necessary. I’ve learned that the newand improved purpose that awaits us is intricately tied into our pains of the old. We wouldn’t truly be who we were made to be without it. That’s what all that anger and crying, and questioning, disappointment and doubting, and fear and hurt and humiliation and sorrow was about all along. Getting through that guck was our gift from God to give to others. The Lord knows who He can trust with what. Being trusted to live again after losing is a mighty badge of honor that many can’t carry. There is so much wonder to behold on the other side of what hurt. Being able to use what we’ve lost to help ourselves and others know God, find peace, have joy, cling to a reason to really live again, develop a new way of thinking, change a generational mindset, form a new platform to share with the masses, chart a path to healing or even something as simple as have a host of wild and crazy stories at which to laugh, is a blessing that belongs to those who believe that purpose doesn’t end when the relationship does. I believe progressive purpose actually begins at the end. In fact, some of the best Biblical and historical figures did their best business and received their BEST blessings following the beautiful beginning of some very tragic ends. So be discouraged no more. Hold on tight and get ready for the ride! We’ve got next!