Michael Jackson Takes Over Entire News Cycle

As newspaper people, our job here at the Phoenix is to deliver tidbits and features that keep you up on things. From presidential politics to local concerts, we try hard to find information and relay it to you before you find it anyway on Facebook and Twitter.

Our function, however, has been made difficult by the death of pop music icon Michael Jackson, whose polarizing persona has the planet debating and remembering in equal measure. This would be fine, if the world paused along with coverage of everything other than MJ's passing.

Since nobody cares about anything but Michael Jackson, the best thing to do is imagine him in all the headlines. It might be the only way for us to get through this without forgetting that our country and planet are in shambles, and it also makes for a fun game of Mad Libs.