Mad (2010) s02e06 Episode Script

Are You Karate Kidding Me? & Fresh Prawn of Bel Air

We interrupt this program with
some breaking news.
After honing his skills
on "Jeopardy!",
Watson the computer predicts the winner
of the NCAA Basketball Tournament.
Who's it gonna be, Watson?
[Beeping]
What is basketball?
Well, looks like once
again I'll vote for the team
with the cutest uniforms.
We now return you to your
regularly scheduled program.
[Laughter]
Mad!
I hate China,
with all its know-it-all cookies
and overly tall walls.
This place stinks.
You just have to get to know it.
I'm Kai-Lan.
That's Chinese for "broccoli."
I'm Dre. That's American
for "son of Will Smith."
[Gong]
You shouldn't talk to me
in front of the school bullies.
Why? Afraid I'll get
black and blue? Oof!
More like black and white.
You think you can just show up
and star in a karate movie
'cause you're cute?
I'm a panda!
I'll always be cute.
You've got 3, maybe 4 years
of cuteness left in you.
- Noodles?
- Ooh, I love noodles!
Aah! Unh!
Did you notice how I beat you
using only this bowl?
No, I was too busy watching my coach
beat up your guy with a spoon.
Ah.
Enough! We will save
fighting for tournament.
You must learn discipline.
Take off your backpack
and throw it down.
But it got it
from my friend Dora.
I'm the backpack,
the backpack, the backpack
Throw it down.
Ow. What are you doing?
- Pick up. Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up. Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up. Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up. Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up. Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up. Throw it down.
- What'd I do?
What did that teach me?
Nothing. I just hate that
"Dora the Explorer" show.
[Gong]
Many mysteries
will be answered today,
but it all starts
with one question.
What's that? Ow!
- Why are you hitting yourself?
- Ow.
- Why are you hitting yourself?
- Ow.
- Why are you hitting yourself?
- Ow.
- Why are you hitting yourself?
- Ow.
- Why are you hitting yourself?
- Ow. Ugh.
Po's got a much better trainer.
That true. I put sleeping
potion in his lunch.
[Sneezes]
[Gong]
You must feel the force
throwing through you.
Only then can you defeat Vader.
Vader? I thought I was
training to fight Po.
Sorry. Our training
montage look alike.
Looking to be sued you are, hmm?
As are you.
We're not even training,
you snot colored goblin.
Enough! We will save
fighting for tournament.
Wait a minute. What kind of
tournament are we training for?
Welcome to the Chicken
Fight Championships.
Let's have a clean fight
and no fouls,
except for the chicken kind.
Begin!
[All grunting]
And the winner is
- Wait just a second!
- [All gasp]
Who did this to my backpack?
I have such a concussion,
I can't remember.
Do you know who did this
to backpack?
[Beep]
Gracias! Hyah!
[Shouting]
That's Chinese
for "somebody help me!"
[Shouting]
Bad idea number 21:
Birdfeeder earrings.
[Birds chirping]
[Screaming]
Him, I'm Lebron James.
A lot of people questioned
why I went with a team
all the way down in Florida.
And the answer is simple,
really
to try out my new
Lebrony paper towels.
With Lebrony, you can clean
up even the toughest spills.
Petroleum, diesel, unleaded,
- even grape juice.
- Aah!
Other paper towels fall
apart when you get them wet
and try and support
a can of tuna on them,
but Lebrony actually
helps save wildlife.
Let's face it. This country
has had its share of messes,
and we need a paper towel
that can help clean things up.
Lebrony paper towels.
I mean, really, why else would I
have come all the way down to Miami?
[Horn honks] Heh heh.
[Crowd cheering]
Really?
I gotta change my insurance.
"Mad" has discovered some
rejected audition tapes,
including Jay-Z as Spider-Man!
Help! Someone help!
Go help that gentleman.
Ok, boss.
The "Jersey Shore's" the
situation as Sherlock Holmes.
The situation here
is that we've got a crime,
and that crime is how good looking
my situation is right here.
Am I right, ladies?
I'm not a lady.
Tracy Morgan as a Na'Vi.
You don't love me, Jake Smelly.
You just love my blue
alien cat face.
IWhat?
And Fred as Edward Cullen.
[High-pitched voice]
Hey, it's me, Fredward!
I'm a vampire. Hisss.
I hate you, Isabella Swan.
Psych! I'm just kidding.
I love you!
Aah! The votori!
Don't choose Jacob.
Choose me!
Choose me. Choose me.
Choose me. Choose me. Choose me.
And now it's time for snappy
answers to stupid questions.
Is that an octopus?
No, it's a balloon
with many strings.
Is that an octopus?
No, it's a bunch of snakes
sucking on a watermelon.
Is that an octopus?
Gee, I don't know.
I've never actually looked behind me.
This has been snappy answers
to stupid questions.
Ha! Ha! Ha ha!
Tonight, just when you thought
these shows couldn't get dopier
Donatello! Donatello!
What are you hiding from?
Get out of my face!
Teenage mutant ninja turtles
can run, but they can't hide
on "TMNTMZ."
See what happens when
Michelangelo gets caught
eating too much pizza.
Ohh. This is a mess.
[Laughing]
Hey, Michelangelo,
say "cheese." Get it? Cheese?
'Cause he had pizza.
And we had pictures.
Wordplay! Yeah!
And Raphael is a pretty cool guy
until you wake him up
in the middle of the night.
- Hello?
- Raphael?
- Who is this?
- Raphael?
It's 3:00 in the morning!
Is this Shredder?
No.
It was totally me.
And wait till you see what
the "TMNTMZ" crew have in store
for Leonardo.
Huh? I'm I'm fine.
Wait, I thought you were
going to take care of Leonardo.
- Huh?
- Huh?
Eh, we were close.
Don't miss "TMNTMZTV."
[Crowing]
What the What's going on?
The sun is up.
Man, can't a guy
sleep in for once?
Sorry, that's my job.
Really? Well, my job
is working at Blue Lobster,
and today I don't have to
be there till noon, ok?
So thanks a lot.
Abra! Abra! Abracadabra!
[Whistle blows]
Whoo! Yeah!
Are you sure this is what
they mean by fantasy football?
You shall not pass
The football to anyone else.
[Tires squeal]
[Snickering]
[Snickering]
Bad idea number 554:
Convertible submarines.
Ok, which one of you Nimrods
forgot to put the top up?
When ordinary hair gels
just don't cut it,
there's B.O.B.'s monster hold hair gel.
Helps fight dryness, split ends,
and even aliens.
Just one dollop of our genetically
altered gelatinous goo,
and your hair will go
from run-of-the-mill
to run-for-the-hills!
Aah!
B.O.B.'s monster hold hair gel
will let you look your best
At the mall
At parties
And even playing sports.
B.O.B.'s monster hold hair gel.
Ok, Melvin Kosnowski,
what are 3 things
that best describe you?
Lots of fun and bad with numbers.
Next.
28 years ago, an alien
spacecraft appeared in the sky.
Phone home.
Different alien.
These aliens were stranded
Mm-hmm.
Malnourished
Uh
And didn't have a limited
edition collector glass.
Ouch.
Nicknamed "Prawns" for
their resemblance to shrimp,
these aliens were
placed in special zones
and forced to take the only jobs
suitable for malnourished creatures.
Today, disgusted
by the negative attention
the prawn have brought
to the city,
protestors have demanded
that the government
relocate these prawn
to a different area.
[Hip-hop music playing]
Now, this is a story
you're gonna go "what?"
'bout how my life switched,
turned rightside-up
and I'm gonna take a moment,
don't go nowhere
to tell you how I became
the prawn of Bel-Air
in the southeastern
hemisphere, you'd be amazed
is where we crashed down,
where I spent my days
eating out of cans
'cause I love that gruel
shooting space guns,
man, that stuff is cool
when a couple of guys,
they were government men
said that we'd be moving
out to District 10
I put up one little fight,
and my mom got scared
she said, "I'm moving you across
the world to live in Bel-Air
Yo, yo, I made it.
[Cheers and applause]
Look, honey. Someone threw
another shrimp in the lobby.
[Canned laughter]
You must be master William.
And you must be the president
of the penguin look-alike club.
[Canned laughter]
Well, if it isn't
our new tenant Will.
My name is Carlton,
but you can call me
The shortest man I've ever seen.
And to think they call me shrimp.
Would you care for a beverage?
Do aliens explore Uranus?
[Canned laughter]
I don't know, but they
sure get mooned a lot.
Ha ha ha!
Wh-wh-what's happening
to my Aah!
My arm looks like yours now!
Heh. I guess that explains why I
got kicked out of my last place.
Why?
They thought I was
an arms dealer.
[Canned laughter]
I'm not sure this is the best
place for you after all, Will.
Wait, dad.
Do you know how cool this arm
is gonna make me look in school?
I can learn a thing or two
from this guy.
Well, ok, as long as
he doesn't cause any trouble.
Great! I'll bring your stuff
up to your room.
Careful! That gun's loaded.
That's odd.
Barbecued shrimp is usually
Wednesday's lunch.
[Laughter and applause]