No more Mr (or Ms) Nice Guys

It is no surprise, alas, that the meek-and-mild Methodists have joined the ranks of the self-righteous Israel bashers

It was Harold Wilson who famously said that British socialism owed more to Methodism than Marx. And on learning that the Methodists have joined the lefty herd in attacking Israel, I really did have to wonder if it was the tail that was wagging the dog or the dog that was wagging the tail this time round.

The dog being, in this case, the rabid, snarling cur of antisemitism, its straining leash held lightly in the heavy hand of its walker, anti-Zionism.

The Methodists! It's like hearing that the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus have been ganging up to graffiti synagogues. Or rather, it would have been before previously moderate - meek and mild, even; progressive, even - organisations starting adding their bleats to the chorus of disapproval which finds Israel uniquely evil in a region where women are stoned to death for having sex and children executed for being gay.

From the Bloomsbury Baptist Church carol service last year, which turned into a full-on Jew-hating freak-fest, to my local Brighton Quaker Friends Meeting House, which frequently plays host to the most virulent anti-Israel speakers, there is a nasty and increasing tendency among allegedly peace-loving Christian groups to suck up to Islamism.

It’s often the caring sharing ones that are psychos, like the shy girls who turn out to be slappers

Like a lot of things, you can trace it back to the playground. At school, there was always a wiry, weasly-faced kid who hung around the bully, and though he never put the boot in, he would be there urging on the bulbous half-wit on as he laid into his victim. Well, now we know who the bully's little lapdogs grew up to be.

And there were always really thick girls hanging round, too, pretending to be all ladylike and horrified by the nastiness of the attacker but actually getting really turned on by the spectacle.

I think of those lame, vicious bitches whenever I read the words of alleged feminists and humanitarian women. Like Baroness Jenny "I could have been a suicide bomber" Tonge, who was sacked as Lib-Dem health spokeswoman earlier this year after demanding an inquiry into the possibility (raised by the Palestine Telegraph, a magazine of which she happened to be a patron) that the Israelis (always feet first into any natural catastrophe with men and money, by the way, unlike the filthy-rich Islamist states) were "harvesting" body-parts and organ-trafficking in earthquake-devastated Haiti.

Ooo, them Jews, they'll have your liver out for a few shekels! These slurs can be traced back in a direct line to the vile old blood libels about sacrificing Christian children. And this vile woman could have been in the Department of Health now! Maybe she would have insisted that Jewish patients be kept on separate, locked hospital wards - just in case they might think of creeping out of bed in the middle of the night and start nicking organs for their dastardly rituals.

Shockingly (and amusingly), she was previously sacked in 2004 by Charles Kennedy as Lib-Dem spokeswoman (on children's issues!) for her notorious comment about suicide bombers: "If I had been a mother and a grandmother in Palestine living for decades in that situation, I don't know, I may well have become one myself."

Health, kiddies - it's often the caring, sharing ones that are psychos, just like it's the shy girls who so often turn out to be slappers.

Another Israel-bashing bint is the "human-rights activist" Lauren Booth, who has finally abandoned the effort of seeking to make a career out of being Cherie Blair's after-birth and is now working for Al-Jazeera. The graceless Booth was brilliantly nailed by Eleanor Mills back in May in a Sunday Times piece - "The Ayatollahs' Stooge" - which can still be relished online.

Of course, espousing ecology and pacifism and working 24/7 at being Right On must get very boring for these brave girls. But if they need kicks from time to time, couldn't they just have a couple of alcopops?