February 29, 2016

I've been writing songs for about 15 years now, but haven't done a lot of sharing them outside of the awesome punk band I was in in high school. Well, I'm 30 now so I figured it's long past time to start putting it out there! Here's the first in what will be many songs, videos and albums I hope to share on this blog!

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I write a lot of songs in pieces, while driving or doing chores around the apartment, I'll record verses and choruses on my phone as I think of them, and later put them to music. This song actually came about when, while driving home from work one day, I felt like God told me, "If you let go of your creative pursuits, I'll show you who you really are." It was kind of out of the blue, but hit me like a freight train.

I immediately resisted, as my entire reason for uprooting my life and relocating to the west coast was the follow dreams of working in the film industry. That's changed over time, but my pursuit of a creative career has always been crucial to my motivation for life. It has always felt like part of my DNA, and so to deny that would mean denying myself. As I've wrestled with this and mulled it over, this song formed.

It's really a dialogue with God, with the words in quotes being things I feel like he would say or felt like he did say. Everything else is a description of how I have responded going through it. The struggle isn't over, but I've definitely made major strides in approaching my life, career and creative endeavors with an open hand. Take a look at the lyrics and watch the video below. Maybe you can relate.

"I'm not asking you to abandon who you are, or what you wanted to be. I was just hoping you'd let go your hold onto these things that get between you and me."

"Let go, let go," is what you said, but letting go is what I dread. Oh, I don't know how to let go, so I'm holding on instead.

You asked for my life. I gave it away...only to take it back (to) control my destiny. You said that I died right along with you. Then how come there're still these stubborn dreams I'm holding to?

"I'm not asking you to exchange all who you are or who you wanted to be. I'm just saying that, would it be so bad to spend a little time with me?"

You asked for my life, but I held it back to do all the things I wanted to that I claimed you asked. Then one day you called on me to let it go, but I said, "That's who I am and what I do...so no."

"Let go, let go," is what you said. But letting go is what I dread. Oh, I don't know how to let go, so I'm trusting you instead.

You said that I died, but then you raised me to life...a truer version of myself than I could have designed. So why not let go? Abandon it all? 'Cause when God tells you, "Let go," listen to that call.

"I'm not asking you to exchange all who you are or who you wanted to be. I'm trying to remove all that's gotten through to you that keeps (you) from trusting me. I'm not asking you to exchange all who you are or who you wanted to be. I'll just say with love that I am enough. You will find what you seek in me."

I really like writing songs that progress, with lyrics that change as the song moves forward, like a character arc. You'll notice the chorus for this song changes as my responses to God do. Just a little thing I like to do. Hope you like it! Thanks for reading/listening!