I didn’t write much

So 11 months after I wrote my first blog, I received an email that my domain was expiring in a month, and I realised that I haven’t written much. I then started to feel really sad and disappointed thinking of all the intentions I had and the accomplishments that never happened.

But then I started reading over my first blog, ‘Freedom’ and decided to check myself. OK, so I didn’t ‘write my heart out’ as planned, but I wrote and I did a lot of other things. I knew that in order to want to keep coming back to writing, I needed to give myself stuff to look forward to writing about.

I’m going to try and come back to writing by reviewing the goals in that first post.

I want to write my heart out- OK, so I didn’t write the next big novel, but I continued with my poetry when my concentration would allow, so actually, I have stuff to share on here and that’s something to look forward to. I just need to reorganise myself and make regular time for writing. I’ve finally found a job that I enjoy and that leaves me time to write- that’s a huge accomplishment.

I must get physically healthy- so I’m not Miss Universe, but I’ve come a long way. I now walk to and from work every day, I’ve gone down a dress size since last year and am sticking to home-cooked food.

I will focus on my mental wellbeing- I completed my Narrative Exposure Therapy sessions and the experience has been life-changing. I am by no means cured of PTSD, depression and anxiety, but they no longer dominate my life and happiness is not some distant dream anymore, but a regular feeling I experience.

I need to show my partner how much I appreciate him and have more fun with him- this has been difficult without any real disposable income, but I’ve tried. I have to admit that this is an area I need to keep working on- I just haven’t quite figured out how to do it without money yet. I try to tell him how much I appreciate him and the things he does for me at every opportunity and offer to help him with what I can.

I need to reconnect with my family- at one point, I thought that this would be impossible, but my therapy really prepared me for it. I keep my family meetings brief and try to keep conversations with my parents superficial in order to avoid trigger topics. It has been amazing building a relationship with my baby niece and being more involved in my sisters’ lives.

So actually, I didn’t write much, but I did a lot in the last 11 months and I’m proud of myself. I managed to finally believe that I can do better.