Sunday, February 28, 2010

Today, I do not want to be a mother (which is really ironic because in my last post, I was feeling so grateful for all the wonderful things God has given me). I really do love my kids, don't get me wrong, but lately, I'm so frustrated with Ethan. I'm almost at my wit's end with him. He seems like such an angry child lately. For example, when we're playing games, I let him win about half the time (sometimes more); but when he doesn't win, he screams "I WANTED TO WIN!" and throws things around. He'll grab a toy from Benji, and when Benji cries, Ethan yells "STOP CRYING, BENJI!" He's very disrespectful to Chad and me, saying things like "I will never come to dinner. I will never eat that. I will never go upstairs. I will never take a bath." He is disciplined, sometimes with a time out, sometimes with a loving but serious talking-to, sometimes with a spanking. No matter what the discipline, it seems to make him more angry.

Someone told me that around this age (4), they go through a very selfish phase. That's fine, but I still have to teach him not to be so selfish and to be respectful.

What's the root problem? Does he feel like I don't love him enough? I tell him more than once a day that I love him. I try my hardest to be patient and loving at all times (even when I discipline).

If we're not at Disneyland or watching a movie or if he's not at preschool, Ethan asks me constantly, "Mommy, will you play with me? Mommy, will you play with me?" I really hate the imagination play he loves to do. Here's how it goes: we each get a transformer, a Lego man, or a Batcave inhabitant; we make them talk to each other, a bad guy comes along, they fight off the bad guy, they talk some more, the bad guy comes back, they fight him off again, blah blah blah. It's SO BORING! But I do it because he loves it. When he asks me to play with him, I'll set the timer, and say, "I'll play with you for 20 minutes, then I have to..." When the time is up, he begs for more and gets upset when I say no.

My kids are not into crafts, coloring, play-do, puzzles, Candy Land. It's all imagination play with Ethan, and I despise it.

WHAT DO I DO? How do I play with him without hating it while I'm doing it? How do I teach this child that it's okay not to win? That it's not okay to throw things around? How to be respectful to his parents and to other children?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I don't thank you nearly enough. I don't praise you nearly enough. I don't appreciate you nearly enough. And for those, I am sorry. But let me begin to fix that right now.

Thank for you my children. I have never had a miscarriage (that I know of); I have never experienced infertility; I have had two wonderful vaginal births. I have never lost a child. Thank you that my children are alive, healthy, happy, and cognizant. Thank you for the unexplainable joy that I experience through them. My life is so much fuller and beautiful because of them. Thank you.

Thank you for my husband. Thank you that he is living, healthy, enjoys being home with his family. Thank you that he loves you, seeks to serve you, desires to be a holy man. Thank you that he is faithful and loyal and that he loves me and has patience with me. The longer I live and the more lousy husbands I meet, the more I'm grateful to you for giving me a husband as loving and helpful as Chad.

Thank for you always providing for us. I should never complain about our finances because you have never let us down in that area. Especially after reading an article about the devastation in Haiti, I'm so grateful that I have a standing home with a roof and walls. A kitchen with electricity, two window units, a heater. I get to take a shower every day. How much do I take that for granted?! We eat meat several times a week; we don't have to eat the same foods every day like some people do. We have tons of toys for our children, a computer, shelves of books, a tv and DVD player. My children have never wanted for a clean diaper, diaper rash cream, food to eat, or clean clothes. Thank you so much for all these material possessions that make my life easy and simple and comfortable.

And finally, but certainly not lease, thank you for life. For the promise of eternal life, the promise of being in your presence for ever! The promise of seeing loved ones again, of a perfect body, of no pain. I will lack nothing; everything will be complete. I usually take for granted that you "sent your son to save us from our sins." Then I stop and think about it. Would I give up one of my children for someone? No. But you did because you love me that much. You love ME! You sent Christ to cover for my sins, so that I can be with you someday. I look forward to that, to being in my forever home, near to you. Thank you for forgiving me.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Okay, folks, it's for real this time. Our old car (a 1988 BTW, so when I say "old," I really mean old) is at death's doorstep. We're going to get a new car! Very exciting. Anyway, who of you have mini-vans or non gas-guzzling SUVs? What kind is it? What do you like or dislike about it?

We're going to do this soon before the Oldsmobile slips into the grave, so send your advice now!