Discussions of Mental Health Issues for Gender Variant and Transgender Individuals, Friends and Family with posts by NYC Psychotherapist Ami B. Kaplan, LCSW.

Posts tagged ‘transgender’

I’d like to offer a few thoughts on an issue of concern to many parents of children that may be gender variant – that the child’s gender identity has been influenced by: a friend, a group of friends, cosplay, anime, the internet or some other person or group.
The basic question is can one’s gender identity (i.e. that inner feeling of maleness or femaleness or something in between) be at all influenced by an outside person or institution? My feeling and experience suggest that – no it’s just not possible.

Why then is this such a common concern of a parent who has been newly come out to?
I think one of two things are happening (or a combination of both) and those are:1. Your child has encountered a new person who is exhibiting some level of “outness” as gender variant, and has, naturally enough, begun to ask themselves if they are similar in some way – and have found that they are.
and/or2. Your child has gravitated towards a group of friends/city/college/group that is accepting of gender variance because they know internally (and perhaps unconsciously) that they have some gender dysphoria and they need a supportive environment in which to deal with it.
Now let’s look at two possibilities: 1. The child is truly gender variant or transgender and 2. The child is not truly gender variant or transgender.In the first case of a truly gender variant child – I think this move toward an accepting group is a much needed step in the total journey of self-acceptance and social and physical change.In the second case where the child is not truly gender variant– I think this can be understood as another of the many phases of self-exploration that young people go through trying to figure out who they are. And if no physical changes are taken in this case – then really what’s the harm in it? If the child is truly not gender variant then they will more than likely put it aside and move on to other things in due time.
Whenever there is doubt a general rule of thumb is to hold off on any physical interventions.

Like this:

I saw this ad the other day on a downtown ‘A’ train and I’m not sure how I feel about it. At first glance I saw a gender variant person having a good time dressing female in a storage room. We don’t know if the person is a crossdresser, a drag queen, or transgender. The ad seems to say – I’m being good to my wife and child by not taking up space in our apartment. However, I think it could easily be read as ‘keep your gender variance in the closet’ or ‘hide it away’. Only later when I went hunting for the ad did I see it is named “Cover-Photo-DraqQueen” so we are talking about a drag queen here, but that’s not knowable from just seeing the ad.
I want to say that Manhattan Mini Storage does have a history of LGBTQ positive ads, and I think they meant the best here. (Personally I think storage in New York City is kind of a tax on those who haven’t accepted the fact that they live in New York City, but I digress).The ad presents a complicated set of questions. What belongs in the home and what gets shoved out? What kind of “accommodations” or “concessions” are being made and by whom? For the married gender variant individual – receiving pressure from a spouse to keep their gender variance hidden is often a very real and painful experience. See a previous post on this issue here with my response to former New York Time’s ‘ethicist’ Chuck Klosterman who took that very stance.
I applaud MMS for their queer positive ad history, and on the one hand, this ad shows a drag queen – good with herself and her life, but I think this one skirts dangerously close to sending the wrong message. Thoughts?

Like this:

I’ve been interested in the issue of hiding and its effect on the personality for transgender individuals for some time and have had a poll going on my website to ask questions about it. Even though the results have been “open”, not all results are visible (the text answers), so I’ve now closed the poll and am publishing the results here. It’s a four question poll. It was up from April 2011 till Sept 2013.

1.Was your family aware of your gender variance when you were growing up?

# of responses%

they were not aware of it 24 33%

not sure, probably not 16 22%

not sure, probably were 18 25%

they were aware of it 14 19%

2.For how long did you keep your gender variance secret from those closest to you?

# of responses%

I never hid it 10 14%

Less than a year <1 5 7%

one to five years 1-5 3 4%

five to ten years 5-10 2 3%

ten to twenty years 10-20 26 38%

more than twenty years >20 23 33%

3. If you actively hid your gender variance, what do you think the positive (if any) effects were on you?

# of responses%

I didn’t hide it from others 10 15%

Hiding my gender variance had no positive effects on me 47 72%

Other: 8 12%

(text results for “other)

“Passing as cisgender normal allowed me to use male privilege and advantages.”

“It gave me time to figure things out, and prepare for negative reactions. “

“I didn’t have to fight for treatment before I was grown up and able to figh “

“This action has given me time to understand myself better.”

“Kept me safe “

“I have had a very satisfying family life. “

“i kept friends and family”

“Independence”

4. If you actively hid your gender variance, what do you think the negative (if any) effects were on you?