I did not write much this year… The Year of Disillusionment

In retrospect, this year was tulmultuous for a number of reasons, both personal and on a global scale, and I went to some pretty dark places, especially between February until July.

Aspects about my childhood that I never knew before and about some people I have known since childhood, came to light and shook me at my core.

And in that, there was a great shift. A great, powerful but painful shift.

I can never go back to having my eyes closed again, and I don’t think I would choose it if I had the choice.

During this shift, I did not want to post. My energy field was rarely aligned and I didn’t want to put that energy out there.

Even losing access to my Facebook account was somewhat of a blessing because I needed to not put energy out (in the form of words) when I was off balance. Especially not to a bunch of readers that are sensitive to energy.

I was running on about 2-3 hours of sleep per night for over 6 months which was really difficult.

And even though I have been meditating every day since May 2016, on 2 hours sleep and under very tenuous living conditions it seemed to help very little in keeping me aligned.

But maybe it did. Maybe the meditating is what brought the truth to come out. Sometimes awarenss does not feel good but having the awareness allows the seeker to shift, heal and/or clear that reality.

Which is what happened. And I feel much more solid now. There are remnants of that old reality that I am interacting with but I have healed and cleared most of it.

3 thoughts on “I did not write much this year… The Year of Disillusionment”

Hey Leslie,
Life here is certainly a trip. Disillusionment is a natural progression in the gaining of wisdom. Unfortunately the grief from each epiphany seems to hollow you out a little at a time, gradually pushing you further and further from perceived “civilised” society. (thieving primates more like it.)
The human experience is fairly low level as far as comprehension of existence goes. Level 3 of 7 is not going to be high-end so to speak.
Think of this place as like a giant communal mud wallow that totally gross humanity can’t get enough of. You have had enough of wallowing and you are in the process of getting out. You can see the virtues in doing this and you would like others around you to discover these same virtues.. ,but shouldn’t everyone be allowed to get out in their own time?!. how are they ever to truly understand if they cheat by following the “wise one”?!

Truth and wisdom are not welcome here, and tend to be used as methods of control. The more you gain the less connected and quieter you will become because it’s not about togetherness and “sharing it all”, it’s about moving through this backward-puzzle as individuals until it no longer holds any mystery. Till the option of the gun is no longer a consideration and all avenues of this dim little place have been suitably explored. The God system will take care of the “who you are supposed to share with” parts..
Then eventually moving on to a level 4 material existence.. maybe even a different planet. Woohoo!!

..and there is so much more to this tapestry than the keyhole embraced by humanity.

Level 3 understanding – Aesop’s fable, Frog and the scorpion.. ends with the frog blaming the scorpion for killing them both.
Level 4 understanding – Same fable.. again both drown, ends with the scorpion blaming the frog for his naivety, and the frog smiling as he goes under saying “how else are you to learn?!”