"People are going crazy," said Stella McKinness, a waitress at Jackson Coney Island. "We had to buy an extra 7,000 dogs just to fill take-out orders."

The story was the same at the nearby Virginia Coney Island.

"I haven't had a break in 12 hours," said short-order cook Ned Halstein. "The onion fumes are beginning to make me woozy."

Hundreds of diners lined out the doors of those restaurants and other coney joints in response to rumors of hail damage to the nation's largest extruded-meat production facilities.

"I hear coney dogs are $5.75 in Jonesville," said one customer, who vowed to wait "as long as it takes" to buy when the price is still $1.10.

"My brother heard they were $6 in Coldwater," said another customer. "I plan to buy 100 and sell them on the brown market."

Gov. Jennifer Granholm called an emergency press conference to head off full-scale panic.

Attorney General Mike Cox promised to investigate all complaints of dog gauging.

--- This idea was stolen from John Griffin, mouthpiece of the gasoline industry and coney lover of the first order. So blame him.

Oh, happy day: The axing of Matt Millen from the Detroit Lions does not make the team good but it proves the organization will not tolerate complete failure for any more than seven consecutive years. Sad to say, that's a step in the right direction.

What to expect in tomorrow's column: How a politician can be slammed for opposing an unconstitutional law.