I tagged this happy because i am happy. i’m standing up for a child who can’t stand up for themselves.

I’m a preschool/day care teacher and one of my students came in with a cut on his bottom lip towards his chin. I asked him what happened and he tells me:

“Daddy scratched me because I was yelling in the house and he didn’t like that”.

I told him that no one on this earth is allowed to hit him, ever. No one is allowed to call him names or be mean and he can always tell me if someone’s hurting him. And though he’s only 4 and didn’t get what i was trying to say, I made it clear that I AM HERE FOR HIM.

I am always on his side, and i always will be. So i started a child endangerment report and am going to present it to my boss tomorrow. (i’m also a state mandated reporter so by law i have to report it or i could be fired/face jail time, i would have reported him regardless though)

I’m hiding typing this in the bathroom so i gotta get back to the kids. but i was just so proud of myself i had to type it.

I heard this phrase a few years ago and as someone who was bullied by my nparents and bullies at school this really stuck with me. I’ve tried to be kind to everyone that has needed it because I know that I would’ve wanted someone to be kind and understanding to me. I think if the world was a little more kind and understanding, things wouldn’t be so bad.

The worst thing was being an abused child, reaching out for help, and everyone turning a blind eye or accusing you of lying. I don't know the circumstances of the incident but not turning a blind eye was key move on your part.

My freshman year of high school, my mother found me on campus and pulled me through the administration building by my hair as punishment for “evading her”.

As we walked through the office, my mother just told the office ladies I had been misbehaving, and they told her she was being a good mother for disciplining me and did nothing to help me.

It was one of the most deflating experiences of my life. The school administration just thought I was a rebellious youth deserving just punishment. I know they deal with rebellious youth plenty, but seeing how gleeful they were at my mother’s behavior was disgusting.

I’m still angry about it. They saw what she was doing and encouraged it.

They probably only saw a parent being engaged with their child, and depending on the school, a lot of parents ignore their children to the point of neglect. Their vision may have stopped at seeing a parent actively engaged in their child's life rather than the abuse that was actually happening.

I'm not excusing their inaction, I'm just trying to point out that even though they saw something they thought was positive, if they applied some brainpower they would've seen how it's a negative. We all need a reminder sometimes to question what we see rather than accept the face value

I see what you're saying, and agree that acceptance at face value can be detrimental.

From their perspective, especially working in high school administration, they probably mostly see kids with behavioral problems sent to the office. I liken it to the jaded feeling I used to have after working in retail for a while. Like you deal with so many rude customers that you just start hating them all after a while, or you see yourself being opposed to them.

But this was an extreme situation in which my mother was dragging me along gripping handfuls of my hair. It should've warranted some action on their part.

Same. I am sure there were so many signs I was abused. But my parents were decently well off and my dad was a doctor and I guess they didn't want my parents to go after them legally. No one did anything, even when I was begging for emancipation when I was 15 and telling teachers what it was like at home

I was in the same exact situation. My ndad was also a doctor, a PEDIATRICIAN! People will happily turn a blind eye to people who hold a position of power, I've seen it over and over again in my life, they get SO much benefit of the doubt. Of course nobody reported him, my siblings and I were so quiet and well behaved, but we were often the victim of bullies, bc we were bullied so much at home, we didn't know how to stand up for ourselves.

HOWEVER, I had an older cousin who lived with us for a couple of years (she was in high school when I was only in elementary school, so I did not know all the details). Something happened and either she told one of her teachers or guidance counselor at school or they asked her a question that triggered it. Anyway, my parents ended up getting questioned by the school for being abusive toward my cousin. I think in the end, they were able to get it written off as her being an, "emotional teenager," however I also remember how PISSED my parents were, especially my mom. I was too young and brainwashed to think that our household was anything, but, "normal" at the time and my mom could not interact with my cousins without contempt (she was ndad's sister's daughter, and bc ndad ruled the household emom went along with it).

​

At that time I remember just eating up what my mom said and not questioning it. Now, 35 years later, I wonder what really happened. Unfortunately, my cousin died from cancer soon after she graduated from college, so I will never know the true story and my parents always have some delusional, bogus version of family events, so I can't ask them either. My brothers were even younger than me, so they probably weren't even aware that this happened at all.

my Ndad is also a doctor. He watched my twin sister get diagnosed with stage 3 aggressive breast cancer and the only thing he said was that she might be able to participate in experimental studies. They aren't human. They do get every pass possible.

Yes... so much... makes me tear up thinking about it. I think I only spoke up or else made it relatively clear to the point that it should have been concerning to any adult (even if I didn't attempt to send a message, as an adult I feel it was very clear something was going on, so much so CPS showed up but my private school had no issue cashing my parent's checks and claiming no odd behavior), but getting no reaction or not being taken seriously by superiors was the one thing that I feel really set me back as a kid. It made me question the abuse. My child mind thought something was wrong, but that child also trusted teachers and adults to Do the Right Thing, so when that didn't happen, I regressed back to the belief that there was something inherently wrong with me that I didn't deserve food or attention or showers or whatever. I remember being in my early 20s and realizing I was wrong about everything and that was/is traumatic in and of itself.

OP, the still hurt child in me and the still grieving adult thanks you for your actions. I, too, want to be that person. Sleep well tonight-- ya did good :)

How awful, I really feel you on that. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been saved from the obvious abuse I was being subjected to if I wasn't a private school kid. It's odd, you would think with the smaller class sizes and more individualized attention they always hype, that an abused child would be more likely to be noticed... But I think it's part what you said, they didn't want to lose that sweet tuition money. Also I feel like maybe teachers and employees at private schools are biased to assume that since parents spend money on sending kids there, they couldn't possibly be neglectful or abusive? Idk, it fucking sucks though.

Unfortunately, no. I attended a public school (elementary-high school) and there were plenty of abused kids, myself included. Staff (teachers and above) all knew it. They instead opted to just turn a blind eye, or report kids (when they'd ask for help, or try to find a way to escape) to their parents to be abused even worse at home. That's what happened to me once.

So they knew. They just didn't care, or were narcs in power over kids who relished reporting back to abusive parents.

ETA: There actually WERE school staff who were attentive to the students and tried to help or protect them: the bus drivers and the janitors, sometimes the lunch ladies. But because they were viewed as lowly amid school staff, no one ever listened. I, and my friends who were also hurt (abused kids tended to drift together as a little group), were always grateful to the concerned janitors or drivers who tried to check in on us however much they could. Sometimes they were the only good / caring adults in our lives.

I feel this too much. I called cps on her one day after she dissapeared for 3 weeks leaving us without food. We were starving and at our wits end. The very next day I got a call from the town's juvenile officer threatening to send me away to a work camp for lying about my mother. My mother showed up a week later pissed that I ruined her "trip" that no one was aware that she was on. The officer was a childhood friend of hers.

This is baffling to me because in England, you'd get in deeeeeeep trouble if you were found to be dismissive or even ignorant of a child in need (wilfully or not, if you just didn't notice people would want to know why) and even if you wouldn't get in trouble, it's still incredible to me that people would react like this. I'm sure it still happens but it really sickens me.

Well done OP for doing the right thing and showing that boy that someone is there to listen to him.

I’ll never forget the time I was 8 & told my guidance counselor my Dad drove his truck into the house during one of his fights with my mom. My mom was a paraeducator at the school, so the guidance counselor talked to her and my Nmom explained it all away as me being over dramatic.

I then spent the next three years dealing with absolute hell because I told the school about my abusive parents, and the guidance counselor never did a thing. It was traumatizing.

He drove his truck INTO THE HOUSE? And police never got called? Just... how?

I guess when I finally told them my dad hit me they listened. Even though my mom had, by this time, made several threats towards teachers and made it clear she had no problem putting me into the system if it meant getting me away from those eeevil teachers.

I called the police myself. He told them that his truck was parked on the grass, which was wet from rain, and it slipped into the house... it hadn’t rained in two weeks, but the cops went with it and dropped it. It’s not like my shitty mom would have the nerve to push charges.

When I read this, I was like, "damn, that's impressive". But I had just been scrolling through Reddit on my phone when I first read this and was mostly thinking HOLY SHIT CAR DRIVES INTO A HOUSE? So then I re-read your original comment. I think I thought you had said eighth grade?

But you were eight. You called the police, ON YOUR PARENTS... when you were fucking eight? I mean maybe the house was falling down and you needed to call them anyway... but when I was eight? The best I could have done was call someone else who would have called the police. I was terrified of authority at that age.

That's the thing about kids who are abused and/or neglected though - we are forced to grow up fast due to our circumstances. I always got praised by adults for being so grown up but like, I would have much rather had a happier childhood.

Yeah, I never had a childhood, I was always expected to behave like an adult and make adult decisions. There was no such thing as mistakes or accidents in that house, you were just being lazy/stupid or not trying hard enough.

You're right. Even my nmom would proclaim that I was much more mature than she was at my age. I took it as a compliment, bc it was the nicest thing she ever said to me. HOWEVER, I realized after I had my own kids that I was robbed of a real childhood, I had so much anxiety as a kid and I realize now that I was depressed as a teen, bc I was gaslighted every single day by ndad and nmom would just pile on too and they told me every day that I was an ingrate, fat (I wasn't, I actualy calculated my BMI from when I was in high school and I was borderline underweight) and good at nothing even though I never got into trouble and was a good student at school. My nmom used to bitterly complain that we were not, "joyful" children... obviously not seeing her and ndad's role in this.

​

I sometimes have to take a step back as a mom. I think that my expectations of them is sometimes too high, bc just bc *I* was able to do something (that was unusually mature for my age), I shouldn't expect my kids to be able to do it too. I simply cannot base, "normal" off of my childhood, bc my childhood was far from, "normal."

Yeah, growing up, adults were constantly complimenting me and surprised by my maturity. Hmmm probably because I practically raised myself (and sometimes my little siblings when I could be there for them) from the age of ten or so... And also "raised" my alcoholic nMom at times when I was unable to live anywhere else, but she never actually aged emotionally past fourteen or so; by "raised" I mean I made sure she ate and drank water and didn't kill herself.

Yeah, growing up, adults were constantly complimenting me and surprised by my maturity. Hmmm probably because I practically raised myself (and sometimes my little sister when I could) from the age of ten or so... And also "raised" my alcoholic NMom at times when I was unable to live anywhere else, but she never actually aged emotionally past fourteen or so; by "raised" I mean I made sure she ate and drank water and didn't kill herself.

There wasn’t too much damage to the house, it was really just the front porch that got messed up. Regardless, I was sick of my parents constantly having these huge fights and being really shitty to me and my sisters. I wanted my dad to go to jail and I was terrified for my safety at that point, so it was a pretty easy decision to call 911.

THAT'S what made me sad... the feeling that you probably called because you wanted justice.

You were old enough for that. It comes with having (younger?) siblings, I know the feeling. I was also the boy, my sister at two years younger was about as mature as I was but I was much larger than her. I remember the one time my dad "accidentally" hit her and how I went after him... oh, it was ugly. My mom would bring it up constantly though, because we all had to remember how shittier of a parent he was than her.

I’m actually the youngest of 3. I grew up watching my dad smack around my sisters while I cowered in a corner feeling helpless. They would always get angry and get involved with my parents fights and end up getting hurt. My dad never put a hand on me, but it’s because I knew getting involved would be useless so I’d hide. The day I called 911 I was really hoping that FINALLY someone would save us.... nope. And then my guidance counselor failed too. And every single relative because they all heard about it and still did nothing.

I feel so comforted knowing that I wanted the same things for my parents (specifically, my dad. I was way too attached to my mom for so long... turns out THAT was even unhealthier!) But yeah, I feel like they thought I was some kind of sociopath.

I am doing much better. I haven't had contact with my parents since the end of April, and I haven't seen them since my birthday. (Beginning of April.) I'm thinking about publicly outing them to their facebook friends and relatives on my birthday as one last fuck you, but I'm worried about all of the drama it will cause. I'm 19 and independent from them so it's not like I really have anything to lose. Because even now, all this time later I still just want some sort of justice and I'm the only person I could count on in this situation.

Be very careful if your parents are the type to engage lawyers at the drop of a hat. It can get very ugly and expensive to handle. My Nmom was exactly the sort to sue people into oblivion if they so much as looked at her funny. This also made it really hard to get help because she'd lawyer up fast. A defamation lawsuit made people change their stories fast.

Not quite the same, but when I was in elementary school, I don't remember how old I was, 3rd maybe 4th grade, my step paddled my ass so hard I had bruises for weeks. When I refused to sit bc It hurt I was sent to the counselor. I told her what happened, that I had bruises on my butt from my step dad, she demanded that I dropped my pants and showed her. I was young and terrified and refused bc I was embarrassed, bc I refused to show her my bruised ass she refused to call the police or file a report or do anything and I was sent back to class and was told I had to sit down or I'd get in trouble.

Removed. Teachers are mandated reporters. There is a reason why that is so. Nobody is served by ignoring abuse, except the abusers. In a support subreddit full of abuse survivors, your comment is particularly insensitive.

my sister came to school with a red welt in the shape of a hand on her cheek. apparently she had "sensitive skin." the same excuse was given for the constant finger-sized bruises and cuts on my forearms and biceps. nobody in our small, private school or my extended family made any moves to protect us that i know of. certainly none that got to the authorities.

i find your courage so insipiring. it must feel so amazing to do something for someone as an adult that you desperately wish had been done for you as a child.

I too am a mandated reporter(I manage a program for disabled adults). I want to say that I know it’s emotionally difficult to do. But you are doing the right thing(and I think you know that). My worst report was when I had to file a suspicion of sexual abuse(I’ve done this twice). It triggered memories of my own sexual abuse. I went home to cry and have a drink. People who abuse make me sick.

When I was in school my mom was a very well respected teacher. I learned that if I went to anyone in the school system they would just report back to N-Mom that I was making stories about her. The one person in my childhood who ever stood up for me was my Scoutmaster. He cornered her one night and told her she better not continue to abuse me. He never called CPS though. So all he did was piss her off and make her threaten to not let me go to Scouts if I continued to tell them about home life. So I never told him the abuse continued.

I spent my kids' early childhood being constantly falsely accused of child abuse by some relatives. It's one of the things that gave me PTSD. (One of our accusers was a judge so each time I started behind the 8 ball as far as any "investigation" was concerned.)

I spent many years advocating for families in similar situations. From what I saw, it can be really subjective what is put down to abuse or neglect. A person beating their kid can be seen as being a strict disciplinarian but a parent letting their kid have a honey bun for breakfast is officially neglect. A big nice house is "oh, look at this house...these people can't be abusive" but a mom in a small crappy apartment is abusive because...reasons, I guess.

There's a whole bureaucracy full of people who should know better who can do a lot of damage to a child, on top of the damage they get from being abused. We can do better.

Maybe you'll like this. Someone in r/entitledparents made a serious proposal for eugenics but I countered with this.

Kids should take required parenting classes in middle school and high school, not just care for the flower bag baby but care for kids too, the do's and don'ts. Giving kids a chance to get an honest look at how a parent should be acting and create a safer environment. Next when a baby is born and the state officiates the birth certificate you are assigned a CPS agent to monitor the family up to the kid reaching 10 years of age as they are old enough at that point to understand if their parents are being abusive.

I'd expect that'd fix the turnover rate with CPS giving them a chance to work with more grateful families and the obvious abusers would lose their kids very quickly. The agent would interview the kids individually and ask them questions and reassure kids who really think their daddy or mommy will kill them if they tattle. Hell maybe government sleepovers could be a thing. Parents get a night away, kids get a chance to talk to the agent without fear, make new friends, and have relief if it's difficult to prove the kid is being abused like it was for me.

I have noticed, as an adult, that the default expectation is that everyone will do whatever they can to protect the parent and that the child needs to be quiet. This was expected of me, too, in my family, as an adult, as I see things going on. It's awful. Good for you!

You're right, it's like the adults are EXPECTED to support a fellow adult, no matter what, or be accused of being 'disloyal'. In other words, how DARE they take the word of a child over an adult because of this idiotic belief that 'adults never lie but kids do all the time'. Never mind the fact that Ns lie all the time but expect people to believe them because they are entitled to it.

This absolutely BAFFLES me as an adult. The fact that I made it through childhood with no one stepping in in any way, the fact that most of the folks on this subreddit did...it just seems more and more wild the older I get.

It's the old mentality that kids belong to their parents so parents can do whatever they want. That idea needs to be thrown in the trash. I think it's only in the recent ten years or so that society has realized that abuse, coercion and oppression aren't acceptable at any level, from within the family to the workplace and politics. We have a heck of a long way to go.

In high school one of my teachers noticed I was “more tired than usual” as the social worker put it. I will always remember him. Thank you for standing up for this child. My parents didn’t start taking their anger out on me until I was older. I can’t imagine being four and dealing with abusive parents. I’m going to hug my toddler extra tight tonight. You did the right thing.

I wished. For 12 years. For a teacher to say something. I knew they noticed. The lack of a winter coat. The bruises the day after they acquired a winter coat for me. The scratches and smell and flinching.
I wished. That the sleeping in class because I stayed awake standing in the corner all night. Would become a report.
All of it.
To this day I wonder why they didn’t say something.

This little boy will never have to wonder and won’t have to wish anymore.

Knowing someone out there will do it, has healed a little bit of that scared and sad and hurting little girl.

Just be careful and try to get to the bottom of things if possible. Apparently I told my kindergarten teacher “Mommy locks me in the closet under the stairs during the weekend”... which obviously made her freak out. But the truth was that I would go into the closet on my own and had a TV set up in there with a sleeping bag to “camp out” over the weekend. I’m not quite sure how all the reports work though, so maybe things like that would get cleared up easily

I remember when I was a kid and mom beat the hell out of me with a bike tube because I hadn't thrown it away and we had services come over because of my bruises. She had me go over to a friend's house and scared me into thinking how bad it could be if I was taken away over a misunderstanding. Later on I learned she told them we were tugging on it because I had been refusing to let it go and it slipped out of her hands and snapped me across the legs. It confused the hell out of me but she told me to start telling people this so people wouldn't take me because things were terrible for kids that got taken away. I unfortunately continued to go through a lot of shit but then was afraid of saying anything for what happened because I would get taken away and lose all my stuff and my friends, and could end up in much worse place.

Parents like this are likely going to lie and going to try to get their kids to lie and scare their kids into it, so there may end up being a struggle for helping, and parent may end up learning to do things less openly so definitely remember to keep it in mind.

My dad threatened to kill me if I told anyone about his pot growing and said he'd disown me/kill me if I spoke of what on in that house. He'd say shit like "what goes on in this house, stays in this house" and told me of his horrible foster care experience he and his brother went through as kids so I wouldn't tell on him (foster family had their own kids who were treated normally while my father and uncle were emotionally and physically neglected). The CPS got involved twice, once because i came into school crying and said my dad hit me and the other time the school called after the social worker read a poem i made for class without asking me what my "artistic" language meant (I was 12). First time, my dad took away EVERYTHING. My gamecube, tv, radio and cds I enjoyed (I didn't have a computer, i wasn't allowed to see friends outside of school that my parents didn't know and didn't know their parents. They had to have both if an ok was to be given. Lasted till I was 17). He said this punishment was going to last at least 3 years and that I wouldn't be allowed to watch certain shows and channels when I was allowed to watch tv (I would have been around 15 and I wouldn't have been allowed to watch most shows on teletoon, YTV, spongebob, fairly odd parents, the simpsons, or any show that wasn't a PBS little kid show or "educational programing" [things he found interesting or wanted me to learn, forget if i have an interest in something educational]). I told the social worker about this punishment for trying to get help and she forced my parents to sign me up for day camp (5 days a week, 8 hours a day) since the case was open in may 2006. Second case, i lived with my grandmother for a few weeks before being sent back home cause both her and her husband were old and sick. During both cases the abuse stopped so there was no more evidence to go on (started up again once the cases were closed). My dad threatened to even call the social worker up and leave a voicemail of the sounds of him beating/killing me if i acted out of line. He said he wouldn't mind going to jail if it meant ending a piece of shit kid like me. He told me if he went to jail before he could kill me, he'd have one of his criminal friends do it for him (and ya he had at least 1 or 2 who I personally knew were capable of taking a life. He also said if i called the cps a third time he'd go to jail for at least 7 years, and my mom would disown me cause she couldn't take care of me with her stress and multiple sclerosis).
I stayed in that house till I was 21, I almost called the cps again when i was 16 after he strangled me but i didn't. One, cause i knew kids in foster care and knew i'd basically be on my own when i turned 18 (most kids i knew who were in foster care did not turn out well sadly). Two, I didn't have a job and I planned on pursuing higher education, my mom said she'd pay for my college IF i lived at home. Sometimes I wonder how things would be different if i went into foster care, but with all the stories I heard from friends and the news, I think it was best i "toughed it out" even tho it fucked me up and continued to when I moved out. sorry for the long comment.

Thank you! I was a kid that went to school with a broken nose that my dad gave me, when I told the one teacher that I thought would help me, she said "well you MUST have done something to deserve it" then she turned her back and walked away. See I still remember it and it was 50 years ago. Thank you again.

My nmom would befriend all my teachers in my small town just so she could have the upper hand. I came to school with half my face scraped and with bruises from her and an incident with a staircase and the teacher ignored it entirely because she had dinner plans that weekend with my mom. We need more heros like you

HELL YESSSSSS! We’re so proud of you. Thank you for being a voice for those sweet babies. It sucks that we have learned how to speak up in awful ways but at least your experiences are helping those who can’t help themselves.

Good on you for asking questions.
If this child is in abusive home there is no way I would have talked to him the way you did.

Far too high a chance that the little child will go home and say to mum and dad.. my teacher said your not allowed to do xyz... if parents are really abusive they are more likely to run.. put the child in another school etc... beat him for being 'rude' or talking etc.

Please be careful what you say to children you suspect are being abused.

this is sadly too true. There was a woman in my former apartment while i was living with my mom and ndad. The signs of abuse were apparent, there was always yelling and crying from that apartment and every time i saw those kids they were either crying or just finished crying, i don't think I even saw one smile once. One night, this lady went haywire at 3am in the hallway with her 2 young daughters. I opened the door to see what was going on and the bitch saw me as i watched her poor 2 year old climb a steep flight of stairs by herself while her mom was looking at her impatiently. When they got home everything was dead silent, we couldn't hear crying or yelling from the fire escape. My ndad was up and heard the whole thing, I told him I was calling the police. he told me to call child services the next day cause he didn't want to have to deal with the cops at 3am, plus my mom was getting up in a few hours to go to work and he didn't want to wake her. I stupidly agreed. I called child services the next day and they told me there was nothing they could do without a police report since im not a teacher or related to the family and that the next time this happens to call the police. I found out a week later she was moving (left within days) and left a cat on her 3rd story balcony (and maybe 1 in the fire escape since i did adopt that cat and wasn't sure if he came from that apartment or another one i suspected).

Good for you! PLEASE follow up and make more reports if nothing happens!

A teacher reported my parents and the social worker called my dad, asked if anything was going on, said who called and what they said, and my dad laughed and said a bunch of horrible things about me. She laughed with him, said she'd close the case, and my dad threatened my life daily for the next few months. But since nothing happened the first time the teacher decided it was fine and never reported my parents again.

Both my school counselor and maths teacher were dick bags who believed I was the problem despite the fact I was being constantly abused my my manipulative nparents. They are master liars. Word's can't express how awful it felt knowing they judged me and thought I was something I wasn't because of my parents. You did your student proud! <3

I don’t know how it varies from state to state, but part of being a mandated reporter in Texas is that it has to be reported to the authorities (CPS) within 24hrs. I’d advise you to call CPS the day of, and talk to your boss afterwards.

My mother would get angry at the drop of a hat over the slightest things. She didn't hit me very often, prefering emotional warfare, but when she did get angry enough to get physical it was a nightmare. When I told my teachers/guidance counselors, they either didn't believe me because I had no bruises to show or they would say, and I quote, "your mother is allowed to discipline you". By the time I was in high school I had been labeled the compulsive liar with behavioral issues and I had learned to keep my mouth shut.

Basically what I'm trying to say is you're the type of person I needed when I was younger. Good on you.

You are a hero. My 2 kids have a narc dad (which I feel terribly for but I was from an Nfamily and didn't know better) and I guess he freaking pushed my 3 year old the other day! But I've called CPS on him so many times, nothing will get done. But you- you are NOT part of the family and they will listen more to you. The more it gets reported, the sooner the child can be free from their abuser. You're a hero and a hero my kids need too. Please never stop doing that.

If your principle tells you not to report this, that would be breaking the law. You are responsible for reporting it to authorities, legally just reporting it to your supervisor is not enough. You made the right decision, but be careful the principal doesn’t try to get you to keep it internal to avoid a scene. This goes to CPS for sure.

FUCK. YES. When I had the courage to speak up the counselor and police officer advised me I had it better bc some kids don't have mattresses. When the police officer dropped me off at my house he joked and talked with my mom about Greek food and how it's not illegal to hit her children with the palm of her hand, but it is illegal to hit with the back of her hand. Thaaaannnk God he clarified that for her.

So awesome. I was also a mandated report for my last career and took it very seriously so Kudos.

Where are you? Like what state? I like how they call it an "endangerment report" cuz in Michigan it's just a cps (child protective services) report and basically the cps workers only take physical abuse seriously. It's a problem. I know they investigate all claims of abuse and negligent but in all the cases I've seen the physical and sexual abuse cases were really the only ones taken seriously. I'd be interested to see if more negligent or other child endangerment issues are addressed better with that clear terminology.

YOU ARE AWESOME! Both of my daughters are teachers who don’t hesitate to report things. My oldest was told by her principal to not report parents who came to pick up their kids and had kids in the car not in car seats. She reported anyway.

I had a friend who was being beat by his parents, with bruises on his arms and I told a teacher I trusted about it. She said there was nothing she could do since he wasn’t the one telling her. So thank you for actually doing something about it.

I know exactly how you feel, I used to work at a summer camp and I’ve definitely written a few disclosure forms. I had an 8 year old call his mom a bitch in front of the other kids so I brought him to the side and asked him what was up with that. No yelling, no just telling him not to curse, but asking for a reason behind the behaviour (as opposed to how people treated me when I bad mouthed my nmom when I was a kid - telling me to respect her because she’s my mom and all the garbage) he went off on a tangent about how awful his mom is. I don’t remember everything as this was a while ago but he mentioned how one time she was passed out in the back seat or something while her drunk boyfriend was driving the car and she would berate him and yell at him because his little brother would swear at him - obviously his fault right? I just hope he’s in a better place now and I’m so glad I pulled him to the side to ask what was up

My son is going through this now and most of the adults in his life are treating his ndad as a caring parent because he is pretending to be involved and supportive, (for the first time in the 5 years this kid has been in school.) My son keeps reporting what's going on over there to anyone who will listen and it's very few people. I don't understand how adults can be so deluded. I just wanted to say, thank you so much for standing up for the care and safety of children. You are amazing and appreciated.

My mom was a teacher at the high school I went to, and every time I’d go to the guidance counselor, crying that she’d hit me, broke my braces, locked me out, basically any obvious form of abuse, they never reported it because she was a teacher, and they “knew her”. Every time I went they’d tell her exactly what I said and she’d scream at me for hours about how I was trying to get her fired.

Thank you so much. This is the kind of teacher I want to be. Teaches NEVER do this in my country and there’s a huge stigma around child protective services. Most parents are enraged by the fact hitting your child is punishable by law and think CPS is the absolute snowflake utopia with evil social workers. I hate this. I want children to be taught well and loved.

You are a hero to that kid. No matter what happens, even if things don't work out 100% perfectly, that kid will remember that somebody was there for him and somebody stood up for him. I never had that, but if I had somebody like you I'd always remember you. You are a hero to that kid.

While I was never beaten, my unraveling mental health concerned my teachers and it was 3 in particular that kept me okay the day I had a mental breakdown because of my home life. I came into school with a panic attack and my choir teacher didn't force me to do anything. Then after that I was just safe all day in the room of one of teacher's who knew my mom and how out there she was. Between her and the guidance counselor (both knew my dad very well and how he died) they let me float all day. That was one of my first in school mental health days.

You inadvertently put words in the child’s mouth when you said “nobody on this earth is allowed to hit you”. Although true, The child disclosed that the child’s father “scratched” him and not “hit” him. You also said a bunch of other things that can be seen as leading a child during a disclosure.

This is not only potentially harmful to the child but also threatens your personal and ethical security.

A mandatory investigation will open once something like this is formally documented. However, If a cps agency deems the child has been led due to what was said by the unknowing adult, Then there’s nothing they can do.

You’re intentions are spot on but unfortunately your wording when handling disclosures needs to be improved.

Suggestions for responding to a child’s disclosure are
‘ Tell me more about that’ And ‘ I am here to help you’

I wish I had a teacher like you when I was young. By the time a teacher noticed signs of abuse I was in junior high and protected him thinking I was protecting the family but it only gave him more power. Thank you ❤️

When this happened to me, my nmom made my life a LOT worse at home. Made me never want to tell anyone anything again. I was psychologically abused and hitting was rarely needed to scare me and harm me. (My mom is like a female version of tony soprano and very loud and agressive as well as overweight so she was very intimidating very easily.) I hope this kid you're helping will actually be helped but if cps ends up taking him out of his home it could be much worse, also.

Good on you. I wish mandatory reporting was a lot older; when I was in 6th grade in 1990 we had a class called "Quest" where we talked about our problems. I talked and nauseam about the abuse in my house, and I am sure my teachers were well aware of it; nothing happened

As a teenager I was always very vocal about what my parents said to me, they never hit my like they did my sister because I think they knew I wouldn’t keep it quiet if they did. But despite telling at least 5+ teachers at my school and probably as many counsellors/ therapists in very graphic detail the things they said; nothing was ever done about it.
I remember one teacher told me that not everyone should be a parent and that I deserved better than that and at the time, I really needed to hear it. But what I needed more was them to be contacted by social services, or even the school, someone - to explain that you can’t say those things to a child.
I myself am training to be a teacher in my first year of uni and all we seem to learn about comes back to reporting abuse, and I can tell you now I know I was failed to the point that I could probably take legal action for allowing that abuse to continue.
I will NEVER be that teacher that ignores it.

I understand that OP us trying to protect a child and I think that is very brave! I used to be severely abused b/c of my moms horrible chooses in men. My question is-what happens to the kids who u report? If they r taken away, don't they get treated badly by system too? What about all the stories of bad foster parents that also abuse and molest kids? Most of these kids end up traumatized... Isn't the lesser of the 2 evils staying w parents-at least u know what to expect and not to be thrown in with ppl u don't know? I'm not speaking in jujment but out of curiosity, especially if someone actually lived it

Most reports don’t even get investigated, and the ones that do, depending on the extent of the issue, are not actually removed. When a child is removed from the home they’re put with non-offending relatives if it’s a possibility. Children being taken and put into foster homes have to be in a dire situation already.

The stories of horrible foster parents have been greatly exaggerated. Not that it never happens, but they are by far the exception. Even if the foster parents are bad, there is a state licensor and a social worker keeping tabs on them, if they screw up they will get reported too.

You can be proud of yourself, and if the world was filled with people like you, the nparents would have nowhere to hide. That was traumatic for me to not only be let down by my school to bullying but on top of that, to be suspected of drug addiction after my nmom secretly requested the director of the school to meet me.

It was abuse by the school and abuse at home. I never have anyone standing for what's fair or what's right!

Was mandated reporting not a thing back when we were kids? Becuase, holy hell, these former teachers of yours.... the day I risk my JOB and CAREER and LIVELIHOOD to protect some asshole parent? No way. Report all day, every day. do it do it do it.

You are awesome! I am so glad you were able to be for that child what your teachers refused to be for you. Instead of being an accessory and protecting the abusive parent you believed that child, and let them know that you were on THEIR side.

Someone in elementary reported my Nmom, but I didn't understand that they are trying to protect me. I didn't have someone to trust, who could explain that it's okay to tell them how my mom would tell at me for not dusting the piano, or scream at me so violently that I would push her just to get away- only to have her tell me that I almost murdered her if I had pushed her down the stairs.

They only asked if my mom hit me. She didn't. She would hold her hand over my mouth when I was crying in frustration and fear, and yell at me for freaking out because my nose was so stuffed up from all the crying that I couldn't breath.

So thank you. Thank you for not only spotting this situation, but for giving that child a safe space and a person to trust.

When I would cry my eyes out over a bad test grade at school or a call home to my parents because I knew I'd come home to my father screaming for hours on end, berating me, and making me feel as small and inhuman as possible, no one batted an eye. No one helped me, they didn't even ask if I needed it. I was too young to understand that this wasn't okay. I thought this was everyone's life.
Thank you for being the person so many of us needed when we were kids. Feel proud of yourself forever for that. I have been in the same situation as you, I am in the same line of work, I have fought on the phone with case workers and called in anonymous reports time and time again. I would do it every day if it meant a child doesn't have to live with the anxiety and the guilt that comes with this kind of abuse.

I can't describe in words how much I respect you for standing up for the kid.

When I was 10 or so, one time my nmom beat me up so bad my legs were totally purple/black. It was summer. I wore shorts/knee-length skirts to school. Not one teacher said/did anything. Nmom was a teacher. And she doesn't understand why I generally hated teachers unless they prove themselves to be good people. lol

I am soo glad that you filed the report, my parents talked everything away when I was young and tried to tell other adults. I'm an adult now and my nmom still calls me a list, because she will never admit that she abused her only child, and got away with it.

I was a teacher and I had to do this. It was a tough choice because the kid was referring to the abuser as “Spiderman” and it sounded made up, but the story raised a number of red flags and had details a child his age shouldn’t be able to make up. I might have looked like a fool to the school director, but I refuse to ignore a possible abuse.

When I was younger, I would tell my counselor. She, however, tried for so long to get me out of that situation but my nmom had a way to twist her way into the social services system and we never got taken away. :/

A lot of adults left those choices to report or not in my hands or outright ignored it or talked me out of telling them truths. By the time I had a teacher (hindsight) that would've truly been there for me, I was too scared to trust an adult so I covered tracks and suffered. If nothing else comes of this, your kindness and giving this child knowledge of their agency will always be with them. Thank you.

GOOD. ON. YOU. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I’m a former preschool teacher and I’ve made a formal report before too. We are the kinds of adults that kids need. I hope everything turns out well for the child & his family; hopefully it was a misunderstanding.

Just to say for any people who work with children in the UK (apologies if someone else has already said it): you would need to report this to your boss/DSL immediately, like straight-after-going-to-the-bathroom immediately, and your boss/DSL would then be calling social services immediately. We probably wouldn't be allowed to let the child see or go home with parents until social workers, and probably police, had investigated.

This is the case in the US, as well. Not sure where OP lives, but I am from Florida, and we are required as mandated reporters to file all suspicion of abuse as a formal complaint through the Department of Children and Families as soon as we are made aware of it. There's a hotline and everything.

When I told a teacher about what was happening at home, he did fuck all - probably wrote me off as a dramatic and emotional child.

Several years later, I wonder how much of the "emotional teenager" label hides abuse of teens. Probably quite often, and it makes me mad. There are kids out there facing abuse and nobody is taking them seriously because they are young.

this happened to me so much when i was little unfortunately, there was this boy (lets just call him L) who had a big sister and would always bully me, he would always run to his sister and there was a point where his sister and her friend almost beat me up in a boys and girls club we both went to, terrorized me in high school and he verbally harassed me and stole from me, this post makes me so happy as a child who was never believed by adults and peers.

Better safe than sorry.....I just see it from a different perspective. I sometimes have long or rough nails, so when I’m trying to catch a kid running into trouble ...I would sometimes end up scratching him... he is little and wouldn’t understand...so could even say mommy/daddy was mad at me and scratched me. I try to manage my nails to keep from unintentionally hurting my little ones.

DCFS reports, even ones that are cleared, stay with you forever and limits your ability to make certain decisions.

EDIT: I was under the impression that all reports are kept in the Child Abuse Registry, but after further research have found out that unfounded reports are permanently deleted. The CAR is a routine check for fostering, adopting, hosting foreign exchange students, and during background checks for any job that involves minors.

I’ve worked in childcare, I’ve known people who had false reports investigated, and I have family and friends in social work and I’ve never heard of that so I’d love to learn more if you have resources because I’m not finding anything.
Still, I’d rather have limited decisions than have any children who are being abused slip by because nobody reported it.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad you posted and glad you feel proud of this decision. You are doing the right thing. You are in a position to help kids like this boy. Thank you for standing up and taking action to help protect him. You are a good person.

Good on you for helping this child! Teachers like you are underappreciated and deserve the highest amount of respect ever. There are teachers who reach above and beyond for their students like you and they deserve true recognition for that.

​

Not all heroes wear capes. Sometimes they stand before us in the classroom, and it may take years before we realise that. I hope this student never forgets what you did for him.

The only reason why I maintain even the smallest amount of contact with my family is because my brother caught the narcissist and I'm going to blow the whistle so hard on his kids once I find out he does anything to them

Please be careful, i had teachers try to intervene once when i was in 6th grade and it was held over my head and used to mock me up to the moment of me going no contact. Its very openly blamed for all of our family's issues. Granted those teachers grossly mishandled what was happening to me, but still.

As soon as that happened, my dad became the victim in his head and became immovable in his behavior. My mom got even worse and now is no better. Narcs take ANY out they can so they can avoid responsibility and that ABSOLUTELY includes blaming their kids for their own actions.

Please dont let this stop you from helping that kid!! Just be mindful that sometimes kids pay for their narc parent getting called out if it happens in the wrong way. I know its hard to leave emotion out of it as much as possible but if you dont, it can hurt the way this case is handled. Staying calm will help the child stay calm and more factual! Best of luck to both you and the kid ❤

Thank you. You could be the call that changes the trajectory of this child life for the better.

Always keep your head up if you have to report, I've gone from the child the school was reporting for and being ignored, to a mother. And I would throw my doors open if a report was made and I was investigated.

I would rather someone has concern and genuine compassion for my child, be their advocate against me, then to sit and worry. Because if it's nothing it's nothing. But sometimes it's something and that small seeming incident like a cut lip could be something way worse as you already suspect.

Thank God for people like you, man. I remember my mom worked at my school for a little while so everyone knew her. She helped teach parenting classes so everyone thought we were the perfect nuclear family. So when I came to school late everyday with matted hair and my sister with urine smelling clothes, everyone turned their heads.

This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.

Need info or resources? Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!

This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.

Our rules include (but are not limited to):

No politics.

Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.

Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. No slurs or victim-blaming.

This is how to be a teacher (or just anyone who works with/should be supporting young people).

My mother taught at the same school for most of my education, so I don’t think anyone would have believed me. I always felt like I was a joke among the vast majority of teachers she worked with.

But it turns out that regardless of whether she was in the same school as me or not, having an underweight anorexic, spaced-out zombie-like student is apparently nothing serious 👍 instead it was just... what? Amusing? Yet another weird thing the “retarded” girl did?

Your job sounds very fulfilling, and you sound strong and determined 💪 Keep it up, never give up on them!

This is really good to hear. Keep it up 💪

My mother taught at the same school for most of my education, so I don’t think anyone would have believed me. But it turns out that regardless of whether she was in the same school as me or not, it turns out having an underweight anorexic, spaced-out zombie-like student is apparently nothing serious 👌

Thank you for this!!! I say this as a parent of an addict that had had DCF custody of a grandchild most of his life. At this point I just cannot turn my own child in and I am waiting and praying that my grandson's teacher notices.

Thank you for this!!! I say this as a parent of an addict that had had DCF custody of a grandchild mist if just life. At this point I just cannot turn my own child in and I am waiting and praying that my grandson's teacher notices.

I’m sorry, but you can’t do that. Are you serious? You see firsthand what your own grandchild is going through and you refuse to take action? I understand he is your son, but even bad people are someone’s child. How long are you going to wait until someone else decides to do something? How long have you already waited and kept your grandson from a life he deserves? I completely understand how devastated you must feel, and it’s inconceivably difficult, but children deserve to feel loved and safe in their homes. Right now, you feel conflicted; think about how you’ll feel when your grandson inevitably struggles from mental scars. And he will. He’ll struggle with self-image, self-confidence, depression, relationships with others. If he’s older than 3, he’s already struggling with the way his father acts. Please, please, on behalf of everyone here who has also been abused, fight for him. You don’t want him to be one of the people posting here due to the multitude of problems his father will have left him with.

My grandson is 7, I've had him for 5 of his years myself. My daughter is living with my sin and grandson right now and has for the last 2 years. I cannot do anything more myself at the moment because I full time 24/7 care fur my 88 year old stepfather who has Parkinson's/Alzheimer's/ dementia/ and has hallucinations. He cannot be left alone while awake. Also his own bio children couldn't interrupt their lives to care for him. I was in my 30's when he married my mom. When he finally dies I fully intend on no longer enabling him and taking over full custody of my grandson.

Unless you have gone through this yourself, you can't even begin to understand how it feels to go to sleep at night praying your own child actually overdoses finally, so the rest of the family can have peace.