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Review:

soufflegirl99 says:This one shot was gripping! I was captivated the whole way through, with a brilliant tense rang of sentence to really engage the reader, and also it worked really well in third person.

I love the repetition of 'beat' -- it really added that sense of doom, like it was inevitable. The way it left you hanging at the end really added to the suspense, and definitely made a shiver or two go up my spine! The way the repition of other words too, it so effective, as it's like the whisper of Nagini or the voice at the back of their minds. I thought that added a spooky touch to the story, and really enriched it's daunting side.

I also love the structure; the paragraphs are absorable and, there's a great contrast of heavy and light ones. The way sentences stand alone and stick out among all the other lines is fantastically formatted and is just like a trail of thought.

The whole style this is written in is really dramatic, and I loved the way Lily should've said: "“Don’t dig your nails into the sofa, James.”" - that's a really original idea of writing what should've happened, and the regret added to the theme, which was the sense of injustice of them being young parents dying.

Overall, a truly remarkable and memorable one shot, that was very cleverly written.