for the record, I'll mark an answer accepted in roughly two weeks. (yes, less than 6-8)
–
jcolebrandDec 13 '12 at 21:48

I request one for Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas is You.
–
Matt ChanDec 13 '12 at 22:21

There are no requests, there are you getting up off your duff, finishing your beer and writing it yourself ;-)
–
jcolebrandDec 13 '12 at 22:33

2

It would be great if SO had a "humorless" badge, especially for people voting to close this question!
–
Mark HarrisonDec 14 '12 at 2:35

Hi @MarkHarrison and welcome to [meta]. We're quite the interesting group here, but that whole "Iceland Friday" thing is why they are voting to close. I've got enough moderators that are tickled by this it'll have a few legs, at least till Christmas. You might want to do a little meta browsing on the many memes of meta, such as Always Friday in Iceland :D
–
jcolebrandDec 14 '12 at 2:40

27 Answers
27

Where are you @rchern
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the (:
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play
My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean @rchern changes too
Where are you @rchern
Do you remember
The one you used to know
@RebeccaChernoff's not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go
@rchern is here
Everywhere, oh
@rchern is here
If you care, oh
If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like @rchern all the time
I feel you @rchern
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of @rchern
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love
Where are you @rchern
Fill your heart with love (;

T'was the night before Christmas, when on all the sites
Not a shitstorm was blowing, not even small fights.
Upvotes were cast, and each newbie was greeted
With a nice and warm "Welcome!" so they would feel well-treated.

And then, in a twinkling, I noticed in chat,
A onebox appearing of a classic lolcat.
When I looked and I saw that the joke was quite lame,
A mod joined the room with his blue user name.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
With a life-long suspension for some spammy old jerk.
An emoticon posted then into the room
Made clear that this wouldn't be happy time's doom.

He sprang to his Twitter, and his followers read
A warm jolly greeting which in retweets they spread.
A nice "Happy Christmas", they all realized,
Is, despite narrow timeframe, not too localized.

I'm dreaming of a FUN question
Just like the ones I used to know!
Where the site rules loosen
And answerers listen
To see upvotes on their posts
I'm dreaming of a FUN question
With every comment that I write!
May your badges be many and bright,
And may all your questions be all right!

I had a little question,
But it was slightly flawed.
And when the mean mods closed it,
They said it was "Too Broad".
[Chorus]
Oh question question question
They closed you, oh, so fast
I thought I really liked this site
But the liking didn't last
I had a little question,
It was about the tropics.
And when the mean mods closed it,
They said it was "Off Topic".
I had a little question,
It bothered me a bit.
But I guess I'm not alone,
'Cuz it was an "Exact Duplicate"
I had a little question,
"I love regex expressions"
And when the mean mods closed it,
They said 'twas "Not A Real Question".
I had a little question,
"Do you find books instructive?"
And when the mean mods closed it,
They said 'twas "Not Constructive".

Still working on a chorus. Thanks @Manishearth for the chorus!

I got some reputation,
from answering a Q.
And now that I have got it,
I'm gonna (upvote|downvote) you!
I had some reputation,
For it I worked real hard.
But then it got reversed,
They said 'twas voter fraud!

Dashing through the flags
In a hour clearing binge
O'er the users I skim
Nuking all the way (nuke nuke nuke)
Bans on spambots ding
Making flag counts bright
Oh what fun it is to run
A Stack Exchange SITE!

I have a little question
Everyone can see
And when it gets closed
On meta I shall be
[Chorus]
Oh question question question
Everyone can see
And when it gets closed
On meta I shall be
It has a bunch of downvotes
And comments as well
I did not put much effort
in this you can tell
CHORUS
This site is so hateful
I want to start anew
I was just q-banned
http://goo.gl/C1Kwu

@Manishearth Wow, same song, and pretty much the same idea! That's funny! :D
–
HodofHodDec 13 '12 at 19:27

@Aarthi What do you suppose the best way to do that is? Just append it? Any objections @Manishearth?
–
HodofHodDec 13 '12 at 19:28

@HodofHod: I think she means mixing our stanzas. No objections, but I have no clue how to do that--while both of us have closing as a theme, our lines of attack are different :S
–
ManishearthDec 13 '12 at 19:32

Good sir Jeff Atwood looked out
On the site he coded,
When the votes were all about,
Fair and just and sorted.
Brightly shone the server lights,
arranged on their racks
Waiting there with bated breath
To burninate some tags

Last Christmas, I made a great post,
But the very next day, you made it migrate
This year, to save me from tears,
I posted it on Quora
Once banned and twice flagged
I keep my distance but the inbox catches my eyes
Tell me Community♦, am I low-quality?
Well, it's pretty short, it doesn't surprise me
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "Thank You" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you upvoted now I know you'd fool me again
A crowded chat, mods everywhere
I'm hiding from them and their souls of ice
My God I thought this was someplace to spam on
Me? I guess I was user to flag on
A post on a site with rules in the faq
A mean downvoter that tore me apart
Oh oh
Now I've found Quora you'll never downvote again

¡Feliz preguntar!
¡Feliz preguntar!
¡Feliz preguntar!
Prospero recado y contestar.
I want to wish you a Famous Question,
I want to wish you a Famous Question,
I want to wish you a Famous Question,
from the bottom of my heart.

Oh diamond mod, oh diamond mod
Please migrate my question
I posted it on Server Fault
And they're downvoting to oblivion
They're gathering the close votes
They're coming for me
Lots of snarky comments
My rep's now 93
And while I am flailing
Their chatroom is laughing so loud
A vote for each one
They're having such fun
Laughing at my misery

You’re a mean one Casperone
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
And as charming as an eel,
Casperone!
You're a bad banana,
With a greasy black peel!
You're a monster, Casperone!
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders.
You've got garlic in your soul,
Casperone!
I wouldn't touch you
With a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
You're a vile one, Casperone!
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile,
Casperone!
Given the choice between the two of you,
I'd take the seasick crocodile!
You're a foul one, Casperone!
You're a nasty, wasty skunk!
Your heart is full of unwashed socks.
Your soul is full of gunk,
Casperone!
The three words that best describe you
Are as follows, and I quote,
"Stink, stank, stunk!"
You're a rotter, Casperone!
You're the king of sinful sots!
Your heart's a dead tomato,
Splotched with moldy, purple spots,
Casperone!
Your soul is an apalling dump-heap,
Overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled-up in tangled-up knots!
You nauseate me, Casperone!
With a nauseous super naus!
You're a crooked jerky jockey,
And you drive a crooked hoss,
Casperone!
You're a three-decker sauerkraut
and toadstool sandwich,
With arsenic sauce!

It was December 24th and dark on Stack Overflow
When I seen the mods chilling all ready to go
I approached them very slowly, they should not be reckoned
Looked at this one, oh my God, a real diamond
But then I was illin' because the man was a ghost
With a bag of cleared flags, the mod with the most
So I turned my head a second and the man was gone
But he left his user profile smack dead on the lawn
I picked the profile up after he was long gone
Looked at the info and it cold said casperOne
A million dead flags in it, cold hundreds of pings
Enough to get a mug, matching shirt with ease
But I'd never steal from casper, 'cause that ain't right
So I was going home to mail it back to him that night
But when I got home I bugged, 'cause under the tree
Was a mod message from casper and a suspension for me

@JonEricson Depending on the purpose. For what it does, the interface is perfect. One of the most influential hip-hop groups of all time and that's the takeaway? =P
–
casperOneDec 13 '12 at 21:57

Yeah. The only reason the device got so popular was because it's the perfect interface. Let me put it this way: I admire your willingness to listen to this enough times to write a parody. ;-)
–
Jon Ericson♦Dec 13 '12 at 23:21

In the close vote queue, I am overwhelmed,
50k posts and counting, it just never ends.
Flags are falling, flag on flag, flag on flag,
In the close vote queue, once again.
Sorry, I'm just too tired, of this endless flood,
Makes me want to flee away, when I see the crud.
In the close vote queue, it never will suffice,
Just can't make the effort, maybe I'm too nice.
Enough for me, of trawling, night and day,
Trying to work out context, getting lost on the way.
Enough of just not knowing, or caring any more,
And that awful feeling: I've been here before.
Mods and 10k users, may have gathered there,
All those 1-rep users, getting in their hair,
But it's so much more fun, to be doing this,
Hanging out on meta, not staring into the abyss.
What then, should I give up, tired as I am?
If I were a diamond, I would close all as spam.
If I were Jeff Atwood, I would do my part:
Nuke the whole 4 million, and hit restart.

This song excerpt requires surprisingly few edits (To the tune of "Feed the World" naturally):

Spare a thought this yuletide for the deprived
If the table was turned would your post survive
Here's to them
Hiding behind that glowing monitor
You ain't gotta feel guilt just selfless
Give a little help to the helpless
[Repeated ad nauseum]
Feed the trolls
Let them know it's Christmastime again

Jumped onto StackExchange this festive season,
Hoping to bump my points - well that was *a* reason.
But my spritely cheer soon began to fade,
As poorly asked questions my screen began to invade.
"Pls help me! My program crashing!" one exclaimed,
But without code that damn question was maimed.
Found another one promoting a product,
Had to raise a flag to show that really sucked.
My blood it started to slowly boil,
"Why do this site people come to soil?"
But just then as the clock struck midnight,
I received a notification - and squealed in delight!
My first gold badge I finally earned!
I received my gift - the one I yearned.
"Copy Editor" I wore proudly on my virtual chest,
And all that anger it was laid to rest.
With renewed zest I got back to improving,
Appreciating the good posts - and the bad ones removing.