Condemned property could be condemned again

Property in West Knox County which was recently condemned to make way for a new high school is embroiled in a new controversy. Real estate developer Elroy McClear has launched an effort to have the property condemned to make way for a strip mall, once the county has completed its condemnation with the current owners.

“Well, we have to look at economics,” explained McClear. “What do you think is going to be better for the economy? A school, or a Wal-Mart? Which will bring better tax revenue? A football field or a Tommy Hilfiger? With the Supreme Court on my side, I’m going to have that condemned property condemned again.”

County activists are not sure what to make of this new situation. And this will pit the school board against the economic development team, arguing about who has the right to final condemnation on the property.

A school board spokesman said it was a matter of “dibs.” “We were just there first,” the spokesman explained, “so that makes the property ours. You can’t condemn what we’ve already rightfully condemned. What kind of precedent will that set? Property will get tied up in an infinite loop of condemnation, and the organization who originally condemned the property will pay the price. Next thing you know, we’ll be condemning property and then auctioning it off to the highest bidder. No, that property is ours. There’s a perfectly good field right next to this property they can condemn.”

The current owners, Ed and Edna Wright, have a month to vacate the premises. “Well, we’re sorry our property is causing such grief. I mean, those —-ing bastards should just rot in Hell,” explained Mr. Wright. “Amen,” said Mrs. Wright as she refilled his lemonade glass on the front porch. He continued, “All we can afford is a condo with the money the school board is paying us, so where the heck are we going to put all our cows?”

Legal experts agree that the recent Supreme Court decision will have ramifications beyond any immediately perceived. “This is one of those conundrums,” explained legal expert Dewey Cheatham, “which could produce a whole chain of unexpected results. Like, you know, stuff.”

We recently obtained documenation that a third party has filed another right of condemnation on the property so they can build a rodeo.