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I don't cry as often now. I'm not as emotionally fragile. Her death no longer touches every single aspect of my life, every single day. I'm surrounded by people who love and support me, and grieve with me and for me when the need arises.

But not a day goes by where I don't think of her, where some small thing reminds me of her, and what the world has lost in her passing. Not a day goes by when her picture doesn't make my heart ache, and I wonder if I'll ever get over this pervasive grief.

And what I've learned is that the answer is no. I will never get over it. It will live in my heart forever, alongside my love for my Moe-Moe, a dull ache that will never go away. And I've learned that while the grief hasn't lessened, I've become better at bearing it.

Bearing the burden that is a lost child requires practice, patience and perseverance, and as time goes by, my own emotional life has grown around my grief. I've read that bearing this kind of grief is like training for a marathon - the longer you practice, the better you get. You're still covering the same distance, but you become more efficient in covering those miles.

The loss of my daughter still stabs at my heart like a knife. But I'm more efficient now in managing that pain, in performing the emotional labor that goes with rebuilding my emotional resilience and my life in the new reality that is life-without-Moe. The road that is my life will always be permeated by the grief of losing her, always. For me, losing this overlay on my life would mean that I've also lost my love for my baby girl, and that will never happen. This is the price we pay for love, and I'll gladly pay it for the privilege of being her mother, for the privilege of having known her and loved her.

So I'll keep training, doing the emotional labor required to improve my efficiency in managing my grief, and keep her memory alive through love and deed. It's the best I can do, and the most I can hope for.

From the "people are awesome" files: a construction worker named Jason Haney was working on a building next to a hospital. So he and his daughter made an 8' "Waldo" and he hides it several times each day somewhere on the site for the hospitalized kids to find. The project has its own Facebook page, and the family is now working on some cut-out Minions for their next project. THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY EYE.
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Video of my Heart: Ward+Robes creates designer hospital gowns for very ill teens. I love this idea so very much. Science can give these kids the best chance of recovery, but being a sick teen is hard enough without being unable to explore your individuality. Brava!

The readings below introduce
observers to the past and present conditions that allowed Trump to seize
electoral control of a major American political party. By extension, this
syllabus acknowledges the intersectional nature of power and politics. The
course emphasizes the ways that cultural capital like Trump’s grows best under
certain socio-economic conditions. Trump’s open advocacy for race-based
exclusion and politically motivated violence on matters both foreign and
domestic cannot be separated from the historical and day-to-day inequalities
endured by people of color, women, and religious minorities living in or
migrating to the United States. Concerned less with Trump as a man than
with “Trumpism” as a product of history, this course interrogates the
connections between wealth, violence, and politics.

But the greatest mistake you could ever make, is either
believing that hope is lost or that salvation is secured simply
because of what transpires on Election Day. No human being gives your
life meaning or renders it meaningless.

Just so. While I'm passionate about my political opinions and will absolutely vote my conscience, I determined earlier in the year to stop discussing politics with people I care about (with a few rare exceptions). Because as the Smart Man says, politics is poison when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and I don't want to poison my relationships with the people I care about.

It's time for another Facebook meme, this time courtesy of longtime reader Anissa. This one's about my Senior year of High School. The year was 1983...

1. Did you know your spouse? No. We didn't meet until I was in my early thirties. Worth the wait!

2. Did you car pool to school? No. I was anti-social even then.

3. What kind of car did you drve? A Volkswagon Rabbit. I loved that car. 4. What kind of car do you have now? A Fiat 500 Abarth and a Jeep Patriot. 5. It's Friday night... where were you? Working. I had to work every Friday night.
6. What kind of job did you have in high school? I was a soda jerk at a local ice cream parlor.

7. What kind of job do you have now? I'm a systems engineer. I design contact centers for Fortune 500 companies. 8. Were you a party animal? Sort of. As much as a party animal as you can be when you tend towards the anti-social. 9. Were you a cheerleader? You're kidding, right? Although I was good friends with a couple. 10. Were you considered a jock? Not even a little. 11. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Yes. I was in the chorale. 12. Were you a nerd? A closet nerd. I loved Star Trek, and read incessantly, so ended up being a nerd almost in spite of myself. 13. Did you get suspended or expelled? No, but I barely graduated. Apparently I had better things to do than to "attend class" or "do my work." 14. Can you sing the fight song? Was there a fight song? 15. Who was/were your favorite high school teacher? Probably Mr. Weatherbee, whom I've written about before. 16. Where did you sit for lunch? Out at the gate where we could smoke. 17. What was your school's full name? Wheat Ridge High School. 18. What was your school mascot? The Farmers. No, I'm not making that up. 19. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Shit, no. Mostly what I remember from my senior year is that I couldn't wait for it to be OVER.
20. Did you have fun at prom? Not really. Another one of those events where I was "expected" to go, but can't remember why I did so. 21. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? No. 22. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? I've never been to a HS reunion. I usually to attend the annual get together for the equestrian group I was in, though. I spent more time with those kids than I did with my school-mates. 23. Are you still in contact with people from high school? Not really. But I do still have contact with the kids from my equestrian group. 24. What are/were your school's colors? Blue and gold?

God has given you here and now as the sacred space in which
you get to reflect the character of Christ and alter the freakin’ thing
in glorious, beautiful ways. This is God’s reply to your petitions.

If you stop asking God to do what God has already wired,
commanded, and equipped you to do, your prayers will change. They won’t
as often be delivered into the Heavens but into the mirror.

By this definition, I pray all the damn time. Not perfectly, not always consistently, but the essence of humanism and the categorical imperative is to serve and leave the world a better place. I think perhaps this is why I can so easily maintain deep and meaningful relationships with Christians who are in the "pray and do" camp, but despise and disrespect those in the "only pray" camp.
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Mr. Sulu is gay. I love this homage to George Takei, and that fact that it's just one aspect of the character. I feel bad that Uncle George doesn't feel the same way, but that's what happens when you pass the torch.
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John Scalzi and why he doesn't consider himself an "activist." This analysis spoke to me, as I often consider myself in the same light as Scalzi. The only social justice issue on which I could remotely be called an activist is that of women who work in predominantly male fields, because, hey! I do that! And have for my entire adult life! My efforts at sea change may or may not have made a difference in the grand scheme of things, though. Sometimes I think it's important, other times...not so much.
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I've been blogging about our recent Mediterranean Cruise lately, and I wanted to end that series with a note about privilege.

Overseas travel is expensive, and most people in the world don't have the wherewithal to be able to do it even once in their lives, let alone every few years. So being able to travel - especially out of country - is a hallmark of privilege, and one of which I'm acutely aware.

I had been to over fifteen countries before I was thirty years old. Over the next twenty years I visited seven more countries, with plans to expand on that total significantly in the next ten years. By any yardstick, this makes me incredibly privileged, and I want to take a moment to acknowledge that fact, and to be grateful for these opportunities.

The opportunity to see different countries, different cultures, different landscapes, is an amazing one. It changes your worldview, it broadens your mind, and gives you new things to think about. I'm incredibly grateful to have received these opportunities, and to continue to receive them moving forward.

The violence of the last week has made me heartsick. The loss of life is completely unnecessary, and the polarization of our society depresses me and makes me sad. I'm also distressed because there are so many white apologists in my feed. So I'm going to try and express how I feel, with a little help from some writers I admire.

I’ve also seen some views that Black Lives Matter is the wrong phrase to
use, or it is divisive or non-inclusive. Usually, this sentiment comes
from white people, who seem to have a knee jerk reaction to BLM. But
here’s the thing: as white people, we don’t get to dictate to an oppressed minority how they go about achieving their liberation.
For too long, we have been the one’s standing in their way, the ones
telling them what they can or cannot do. So for us to stand up now and
say, “hey, we get what you are doing, but can you just say it a little
nicer?” is the epitome of racial arrogance and lack of self awareness....Just as white people didn’t need to be emancipated, we don’t need to
assert that our lives matter. We were never enslaved, and we were never
the victims of terrorism and hatred supported by the state based on the
color of our skin.

Here's the thing about why white apologists distress me so. No one in their right mind is suggesting that
killing the innocent (either by police or by private citizens) is an
appropriate response to these situations. NO ONE. So when white people proclaim that "all lives matter" in response to the BLM movement, whether they mean to or not, they're suggesting that black people do not have a unique experience in this country. Whether they mean to or not, they're suggesting that the black community has not endured generations of institutional racism, so if they were just higher quality people, they'd be able to "get their community squared away." Whether they mean to or not, they're suggesting that innocents killed by police officers somehow did something to deserve it other than "driving while black." Whether they mean to or not, they're suggesting that there isn't REALLY a problem with the police disproportionally killing black people, since, you know, ALL LIVES MATTER. In other words, the phrase "all lives matter" is racially charged language, like calling a full grown black man a "boy."

All of these unspoken interpretations lead to an us versus them mentality - a completely unnecessary one. People with the mental sophistication to be able to read and write can also understand that you can simultaneously deplore innocent black men being killed by white police and also deplore a gunman killing innocent police who are performing their duties. These are not mutually exclusive ideas, and much of the rhetoric I'm seeing implies that they are. THEY'RE NOT. "Picking sides" makes things infinitely worse, not better.

We do not live in a colorblind society. Each community has their own challenges and concerns, and it behooves us all to try and see things from the other person's point of view. Watch this clip, and if you're white, ask yourself the pertinent question and provide an honest response, at least to yourself:

Alternatively, if you don't come from a law enforcement family* or have personal experience with law enforcement, go on a ride-along and learn what it's like.

I don't criticize the BLM movement as an institutional effort not only because I think they have a legitimate complaint, but because their experience is not my experience. When
my son gets pulled over by the police and has done nothing more than
drive with a busted tail-light, my expectation is that he'll get a
citation, not a bullet to the chest. So it's not up to me to tell the
black community how to react to these events, as I lack both personal
and historical context to do so intelligently and with respect.

These issues are complicated. Really complicated, and emotionally charged, too. But there are solutions! Solutions that (ironically) the Dallas Police Department actually implemented and so reduced their excessive force complaints from 147 in 2009 to 13 in 2015. I wish all of us would spend just a little more time applying the reasonable person test, and admitting that these issues cannot be reduced to a single meme or soundbite.

This week's words are from Internet user ariaste, grokked from The Mechanicky Gal:

Relationships are scary and complicated ONLY when you start thinking of your partner as some kind of adversary.

You know how to stop being scared of relationships? Remember that it's got a goddamned buddy system *built in.* That's all a relationship IS: "Let's approach life with the buddy system."

Check on your buddy. Make sure your buddy doesn't forget their lunchbox on the school bus. Hold hands with your buddy so you don't get lost. If your buddy wants to look at the monkey cage, look at the goddamn monkey cage with them. If you are the one looking at the monkey cage, ask your buddy what they want to do next, and when they want to feed the giraffe, help them find a quarter for the little food dispenser. Be a good buddy, and if your buddy isn't a good one too, tell the teacher and ask for a new one.

When we were in Barcelona, we took a day trip to the city of Girona. This was organized by our dear friends Stephen and Ellen, who also hired a private guide for our walking tour.

Of all the places we visited on this vacation, Girona appealed to me the most. I don't know what exactly it is about this city that resonated with me, but I loved it.

The Medieval Quarter

The old city of Girona was used for filming of season 6 of Game of Thrones, representing Braavos and King's Landing.

My favorite photo from this trip - Sant Feliu Gothic Cathedral

The old city was interspersed with gardens and views of the old Jewish quarter. Our guide was extremely knowledgeable, and told us the story of how the Jewish community was forced to convert or flee in 1492. There are still mikvahs in the old city, as well as Arab baths dating from the 12th Century.

Girona Cathedral

Like Barcelona, Girona is in Catalonia, and there were flags everywhere symbolizing the political movement that is advocating for Catalonia independence.

We also walked through the Universitat de Girona, and our guide told us that in Spain, most people go to the local university in their communities, rather than going away to school. They do encourage studying abroad, however - both from Girona, and away from it.

We flew home from Barcelona, content that this vacation was the best we'd ever had.

The Bloggess provides Facebook categorization we can actually use. For my personal fave I'm torn between "Contains blatantly wrong information that I should have googled first" and "I AM OUTRAGED ABOUT SOMETHING EVERYONE ELSE IS OUTRAGED ABOUT TOO BUT I
FOUND A WAY TO MAKE IT ALL ABOUT ME EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT AT ALL."
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If a self-proclaimed Catholic group bombed the Vatican’s St. Peter’s
Basilica and constantly killed scores of innocent Catholics, then we
would deem such an entity, in various degrees, as an anti-Catholic
terrorist group.

Likewise, ISIS is not a radical Islamist movement as much as it is an active anti-Muslim, terror movement.

The last stop on our cruise was Barcelona. We decided to stay a few extra days there, and so rented an apartment where we stayed with most of the people who came on the cruise with us, along with some dear friends who flew in just for the Barcelona portion of the trip.

I liked Barcelona. It's a very cosmopolitan city, and the architecture is interesting and lovely.

The influence of modernist architect Antoni Gaudí is all over the city, and there's a Gaudí museum there, as well. I wasn't interested in that, but Brother JR - who is an architect - went and enjoyed it.

La Pedera

I did spend one day shopping with Sister Stacey, our friend Darla, and Marina, the daughter of the friends who met us in Barcelona. Because SHOPPING.

The shopping district

We also went to a Flamenco show one evening. I'm not a huge fan of Flamenco style singing, but it was interesting, and the dancers were amazing. Sister Stacey and I decided that if you want to ensure you don't have cankles in your fifties, then take up Flamenco dancing.

Even the skyscrapers were visually interesting

The food was also amazing (OF COURSE). I think I ate more olives on this vacation than in the previous five years.

About Me

I am a Hot Chick living in Castle Rock, CO with my fabulous family. We have a rescue dog named "Jackson," and she's a Basenji/Shepherd mix. She's something of a head case, but we love her. I'm a U.S. Navy vet, and I currently work as an Enterprise Solutions Architect, specializing in VoIP and multimedia contact center design. I care about social justice, libraries, science, the U.S. Constitution and the military. I'm a tax and spend liberal in a largely red county, but I try not to be stabby about it. I have a little resale side business called "Alastrina Enterprises." Stupidity, cupidity and wanton assholery piss me off, and I'm more than a little soft when it comes to dogs and those who serve others. I blog about whatever I feel like. I use foul language, so if that sort of thing offends you, feel free to fuck off now - if I'm unwilling to clean up my language for my fabulous Great Auntie Margie, I'm unlikely to do so for you. Newcomers are welcome here, especially those who disagree with me, but trolling and spamming will be met with the Shovel of Doom™.