Forum » Topic: Baby Hunt by Government Minister James (Adult Content)http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13666
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be reasonable on "Baby Hunt by Government Minister James (Adult Content)"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13666#post-37144
Thu, 07 Oct 2010 16:48:52 +0000be reasonable37144@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Have you tried taking more water with it? :)
</p>Kazytc on "Baby Hunt by Government Minister James (Adult Content)"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13666#post-37140
Thu, 07 Oct 2010 16:25:47 +0000Kazytc37140@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Jeremy Hunt, the UK Government's, Culture Secretary ,announced today, that the state should not, support large families.</p>
<p>His remark has sparked an outrage, making parents of large families, look for places to hide, amidst Jeremy Hunt, ordering that a specialist team of Government Baby Hunters, are to sweep the country, seizing every child down, from the families first born, and taking them away in a fleet of government baby detector vans.</p>
<p>The new baby detector vans, are now out in full force, in the UK, and parents are advised, that sooner or later the van will track them down.</p>
<p>Parents are advised to hand in all children, other than for their first born, those who do, will be given a one off, child amnesty payment, of £5 per child.</p>
<p>The children seized by the Government baby hunters, are to be taken to India, where the government allows large families.</p>
<p>Jeremy Hunt, has been praised by the rest of the UK government cabinet, for the creation of hundreds of new jobs, as over 5,000 people have now been taken on, as Baby Hunt Officers, whilst 2,000 have been given jobs, as Baby Detector Van Drivers, these jobs will be given to men, so that maternal or emotional attachment, can be avoided, during enforcement.</p>
<p>The move is backed wholeheartedly by Theresa May who has passed a motion in support of this new ruling, this will be in the form of a means of assuring that no large families can be re-created in the UK, she has introduced Penal Detector Vans that will work in the same way as Television detector vans.</p>
<p>The Penal Detector vans will be able to ferret out any man in the act of enjoying intimate pleasures, once detected men will face harsh new action whereby if he has fathered one child he will have his private parts plugged so that he cannot produce anymore children, if he is found to have removed this plug and subsequently father's a second child he will face a penalectomy to remove his private parts, preventing him from further procreation.</p>
<p>Theresa May has well 'matched' the motion of Jeremy Hunt, and created a further 5,000 jobs as Penal Activity Officers, and a further 2,000 jobs as Penal Detector Van drivers, these new jobs will be given to women, made redundant from being full time mothers of formerly large families, it is thought that women will be better equipped to enforce this new ruling, since they will be more likely to be physically detached, from the task of implementing the painful penal penalties. upon the UK male population.</p>
<p>The leader of the Labour Party Ed Miliband, has criticised the move, accusing Jeremy Hunt, of being a modern day King Herod, who, in his move, is doing nothing more than robbing Peter to pay Paul, he went on to dub Jeremy Hunt, as 'King Herod Hunt the 2nd'.</p>
<p>Jeremy Hunt defending his move, has been heard to say, that Ed Miliband is only critical because he never thought up the excellent idea himself, and that had this motion been in place when he was born, he would never have had to have competed with his brother David, for the leadership of the Labour Party.</p>
<p>The move is thought to result in saving the UK 200 billion pounds per year.</p>
<p>Free contraception, is being given out to all mothers and married women, between the ages of 16 and 66, and it will be compulsory to take this medication, failure to do so, will result in imprisonment, in an all female prison.</p>
<p>The get tough policies of David Cameron, and his cabinet, are meeting with much disdain from the UK electorate.</p>
<p>We have interviewed many random women today, and heard the level of disdain....</p>
<p>Polly Pampers-Pickles, said that she was most distraught that this terrible new ruling had been passed, as she has 20 children and fears that it will put her out of business, as a kindergarten owner, she went on to say, that she will be bored with no one to play with all day, as she is a huge fan of Polly Pocket who lost her locket.</p>
<p>Harriet Huggies-Harman, who has 10 children, said that she is considering emigrating, to save having to lose her children, or having them packed off to India, as her children are not keen on eating curry.</p>
<p>Deirdre Dummie-Darling, who has 8 children, was visibly upset and need comforting, as she told us, that she had only just moved to a 10 bedroom house, in order to have enough room for her children, to have a more comfortable life, they had previously lived in a 3 bedroom house, and things were a tad cramped, and her children cried all day, because they kept falling over one another. </p>
<p>The move means that she will have to down size her home, and have the inconvenience of another house move. </p>
<p>She has been told that the government, are sending a special Australian made Skylifter, to transport her large family home to India, so that 7 of her children can be housed over there, without it costing the Indian government, to provide a large enough shack, for them all to live in.</p>
<p>Pamela Peramulator-Patterson, who is Irish, and has 30 children, says she was always happy to hear the 'patter of tiny feet', around her home, and so she adopted 10 of her children, so that she could 'live happily ever after', in what neighbours have dubbed a 'large shoe box', the government are sending an Australian Skylifter, to transport her shoe box home, to India,, and she is terribly upset, as she feels she will have no will to live, without them all. </p>
<p>Her 20 prams will be made redundant.</p>
<p>Just a few of the unhappy mothers that we have spoken to in the UK. </p>
<p>A civil uprising and revolt against this harsh new policy, is expected, starting in Liverpool where 3,000 Scouse mother's have already started protesting, on the steps of Liverpool Town Hall, headed by professional protestors, Peter Caravan-Ambler and Dorothy Atkins-Sky, who lead the protestors into throwing soiled diapers, at council leaders, coming out of the Town Hall.</p>
<p>Derek Hatton-Sekonda, was hit by a soiled diaper, which stuck to his head like glue, he tried to hit back at the protestor who threw the diaper at him, that being a Mrs Rita Rattle, who shouted "Cop that lad, you are a load of SHIT", but police retrained him from doing so, he was lead away from the protestors in a raging temper, and looking fine mess, as a result of the diaper attack.</p>
<p>Similar protests have been taking place across the UK.</p>
<p>We shall of course keep you updated on this story.</p>
<p>More news later, watch this space, minus dummies.
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