Consistently random…..

Monthly Archives: March 2011

My tenacity is fragile. Finally noticed today that I hadn’t gotten one of those annoying Post A Day prompts in my email for a while. Somehow I was missing the annoying-ness. Went to the Daily Post blog, and found out I have been out of the loop for 8 days now…. Whaaaat? Could’ve swore I was subscribed to the Daily Post blog, and went to login and There It Was: Incorrect username or password…. Did you forget your password? Click here, you moron….. or something like that. Then it told me my Browser Was Blocking Cookies. I would never block cookies– they might be chocolate chip! Not only was I wrong about my username and password, I also had pending charges of assault against my favorite junk food companions. Life was bad. Considered changing my username to WonderlandAirhead, but was immediately reprimanded by: You Cannot Change Your Username. I don’t know what is worse, that I got cut off from the loop, or that I didn’t realize I was cut off from the loop. Cut off from daily blog post “prompts” (aka Demonic Demanding Arbiters of Anguish (DDAA)), I conveniently just didn’t notice and wantonly participated in vain distractions and……. something. Ask my teenagers, I’m sure they would have noticed my criminal behavior towards baked goods.

The most extreme, risky insane moment of my life occurred Today. With gasoline at $4 a gallon and nary a salary in the house, I live on the edge by pushing the limits of functional capability of a minivan. According to my on-board logistical probability screen thingy, I have been driving with zero miles left on my less-than-a-gallon “filled” gas tank for at least 24 hours now. Brazenly throwing caution to the wind, I once again set out to prove the legendary risk taking of which I am indeed capable. I drove to work…. fully aware that on-board technology had informed me I could drive Zero More Miles on the gasoline in my tank, and work is, uhhhhh, 8 to 10 miles or so away. This type of risk taking behavior can quickly improve your spiritual life (“Help me get there, Lord!”) Seriously, this is white-knuckling, heart pounding, extreme risk taking of epic proportions. Did I make it?

Has anybody seen my muse? Post A Day wants to know how I find it. Gotta tell you, I don’t find my muse– it find’s me. I have no idea from whence it comes, but it suddenly descends and a torrent of words comes Pouring Out My Fingers. Many times, if writing on actual paper, I will sit and stare at it in awe after I’ve gotten it all out of me. Where did that come from? I’ve been told I “Have A Way With Words.” The truth is words have a way with me. I don’t go searching for them, they come at me and I link them, absorb them, try to communicate them and Share The Joy I Experience with others. I love play on words, bizarre acronyms, bilingual word plays, and epic metaphors. They give me life, they make my world colorful and exquisite. Apparently, other people don’t experience this, which I think is very sad. Ha, I have an extensive vocabulary, yet I choose to use a simple description “very sad.” Maybe my vocabulary is a big part of my muse, the delight in finding a way to express something in an unexpected way. Then play with even that by incorporating the extremely simple, everyday, colloquial, slang. If there isn’t any appropriate slang laying around, make some up! Likewise with grammar, speaking inside out is a blast, if even for all the confusion on the listener’s face. Don’t even get me started on punctuation…..

What region is it? The region where all this stuff is emanating from, that is. That would be the limbic system of the brain, which the sense of smell is directly linked with, and the emotional center of the brain. Thus, inhaling Essential Oils directly affects your mood. No hocus pocus, just brain structure. This is why women often put on perfume when they need a little “lift” in their spirits. This is why Disneyland has the smell of vanilla wafting thru Main Street to make the Happiest Place on Earth a little more happier. This is why savvy bed & breakfast places have either bread or cookies in the oven when guests arrive.

I know, I’m a day off on the Post A Day thing, so sue me. “Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn’t Show Up the Way You Thought He Would? by Pete Wilson (no, not that one, another one) changed my life because it challenged the idea that somehow we are “suppose” to have easy carefree lives without any troubles, mean people, tragedies or conflicts. While most of us will say we don’t expect life to be perfect, I don’t see a long line of people to sign up for the hard stuff. We don’t deserve exclusive blessings, nor do we deserve a certain quota of tragedies. Why do babies die? I Don’t Know. If I knew everything, I wouldn’t be sitting around blogging. We are simplistic beings, like 2 yr olds whining because they can’t have a cookie, or worse, because they have to eat vegetables. However, God is more like a Rubik’s Cube Kind of God– there’s a lot of complicated stuff that affects other people which affects other people, and so on. Did I want to be in a major car crash with a permanent injury so that my friend could mention the name of Jesus in a country hostile to Christians because he was only repeating what one of those “American people” had told him? Glad it blessed somebody in some other country where it’s way harder to survive than my struggle not to drive across the street to get a soda, but I still really hated physical therapy. This book taught me to stop fighting what’s actually happening and let Someone who actually has a clue about managing the universe handle it. Stuff is gonna happen. Usually it does. Be ready for the “Plan B” and recognize that just because you feel out of control doesn’t mean He is out of control.

This is where all your fancy claymation came from, people. Gumby started it all. If we didn’t have somebody making a zillion Gumby’s in each Slightly Different Pose to create motion, we wouldn’t have had 3D animation at all. If I could have any fictional character come to life for a day, Gumby would be it. I don’t know if it’s allowed, but I’d like his pony pal Pokey too. What would we do? I know I’d love to do that walking into books thing, for sure. Stretching out and then flattening…. Hey, maybe Gumby started shape shifters too! All I know is Gumby is awesome but simple and doesn’t involve any Weapons Of Mass Destruction in his storyline. If only we could have such characters for today’s kids. I’m kinda scared to see what’s on Saturday morning cartoons. It sure ain’t Tweety Bird. Gumby is my buddy. I have him on my CD holder at my desk to remind me that We Can Be Anything we want to be…. I think I’ll take the stretched out taller-and-skinner thing.

He was once a little green slab of clay. Gumby!You should see what Gumby can do today. Gumby!He can walk into any book, with his pony pal Pokey, too.If you’ve got a heart then Gumby’s a part of you.

That’s probably my favorite slang phrase, although upon reflection I came up with several. Hey, I’m freaked out about the lame waaahmbulance wanna go blog about it, or is it too lame? Yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah…. I think my favorite phrase, “Well, duh!” is a direct result of having teenagers. Brilliant scholars that they are, all of a sudden lose the Common Sense Gene by saying things like “I didn’t know you wanted me to turn the dishwasher on after I filled it up.” Well, duh! I also like using Obscure Quotes From Movies/TV programs which only my husband and I actually understand and find amusing. “If you blow a guy to bits, there’s gotta be bits of guy.” (Bruce Willis to Cybil Shepherd in “Moonlighting,” circa 1987) “I don’t think so, Tim” (“Home Improvement” Richard Karn.) Isn’t that the fun of being an adult? We say weird things that make kids roll their eyes. Parents Are Soooo Embarassing.

Would I go for a day with the ability to read minds? Yes. Just for the fact that it would Help Me Grasp Reality and relieve feelings of paranoia that people are thinking ill of me. I know it’s a psychological fact that mainly, people aren’t thinking about you at all–positive or negative. But I think a day of reading minds would definitely bring that concept home. Most people have no idea you suspect they have malicious thoughts about you. I have often seen a person not even being aware there was a big “problem” between them and another person which was so “obvious” to the other person Based Completely On Their Perceptions. Yet, it is a human tendency to suspect others are judging and opining about me. Of course, as this is complementary to the idea that I am the center of the universe. Bring on reality! Hooray For Truth!

Somehow, having a job with responsibilities changes the perspective of certain citizens of Planet Teenager. Major rant about how the people last night didn’t clean up when they closed the store and actually left *GASP* dishes in the sink!! Fire them all, they know better and they know that “everybody depends on everybody else to do their job correctly.” How inconsiderate those night people were, didn’t even bother to Wipe Off The Syrup Pumps! “Why do they even have a job if they are going to be irresponsible?”

Suddenly the camera changes focus from the PTG citizen and the mother to the bathroom where there is makeup all over the place, some dirty, some “status undetermined” clothes are on the counter, and there’s toothpaste globs in the sink….. And yet, of course, our very miffed PTG citizen Sees Not The Irony Here…..

This really sounds shallow, but my magical tree at the moment would grow money. I told you…. really shallow. But I never expected unemployment to turn my family upside down for 9 months and counting. We are wayyyyy past just “making do” and “cutting back on Starbucks.” Tired of Big Decisions including whether to buy toilet paper or milk. While I know that money most definitely cannot buy you everything, and certainly cannot buy you happiness or peace, at the moment it would really be nice to pay off bills and go to the store with the ability to actually buy normal food. This economy thing is dragging on and on and on, like a really bad nightmare. So my magical tree wouldn’t bring world peace or serenity at the moment…. just looking for sanity.