Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Winner, winner, chicken dinner???

Here's the deal...we at SECP really thought our quest to find the perfect Pooner might take awhile. 2, 3, 10, 20 years - you know, a pretty involved process. Well, since SECP's release to the entire galaxy just 8 short days ago, this gem found its way to our mailbox (take your eyeballs back to the image just to your left that you stared at for the past 5 minutes before reading this crap).

Is it over? Do we need to go ahead and just shut 'er down? Have we found the Perfect Pooner? Let's examine: we have big the designer sunglass - check, the long bleach blonde hair - check, earrings each weighing more than a slab crappie - check, the plunging neckline - check, tic-tac smuggling through the team colored dress - check, 8" orange guava bolster - check, team pom-pon - check, and finally the look of "ho-hum" on the pooner's face as Brandon Cox hangs another 100 on the Tide - check plus.

This is a democracy so we will put it in the hands of our already faithful SECP followers...weigh in on the comments section if you think we need our heads examined - it's entirely possible whether it's related to this posting or not.

Perfect SEC poon cannot come from UF. The hell with that. You need to add another criteria to your quest for perfection- the classic southern drawl. Some girls just look like everything they say will sound sweet. This girl doesn't have that- too much "bleach blonde from Jersey" in her.

Nah, can't go there, oh Poontang One of Note. While she may be a perfect 9.1416, consider: neckline is not quite plungy enough; is that a nip or a designer bra construction flaw I see? That SEC ever-present slightly booze encouraged smile is lacking....should I continue. Keep looking oh brother, and you shall find....

SECP - Occasionally Offensive, Always Entertaining

SEC football is King. If you disagree with this statement open your right hand & give yourself a solid slap across the face. Then get the fuck off this site. If you recognize that SEC football is King, use that open hand to take a drink of your Bourbon & Coke, give us a 'Hell Yeah Brother' & know you are in the right place.

SECP is here to remind us that this up coming season is not just about projecting BCS Champions (aka SEC Champs), or pre-season polls, or hot new coaches, or shitty old coaches who've over-stayed their welcome like a one-night stand who can't find her damn shoes. It's not just about seeing old frat bros, or tailgating all day at the best spot on campus, or planning roadtrips to the greatest college football environments God could've created. If you haven't figured it out by now, it's about The Poon.

WHY SEC POON?

Face it - your team will suck ass. Maybe not this season, maybe not even next. But eventually you’ll be stuck grinding through a brutal conference schedule, like a dead man walking. And during these days of dispair, when all hope seems lost, The Poon shall be thy comfort. Because some days its not about the final score.