As a childcare provider, you spend a lot of time with the
children in your care. You work closely with each child and get to know
the children very well. You might also work closely with the parents of
the children in your care.

There will be times when you need to talk
to parents about important issues. These may be issues related to the
child,such as behavior problems, health problems, toilet training, or
eating. You may be worried that a child has special needs and want to
talk to her parents about your concern. Or you may want to discuss issues
that are related to the parents. For example, some parents may always
be late in picking their child up. Others may not follow the rules and
regulations of the childcare center. Sometimes you may worry that a parent
is not taking good care of the child.

At times parents may want to talk to you
about their child or about their family. Sometimes, they may want your
advice.

Many things that parents and providers
talk about are very sensitive issues. It is helpful if you handle these
issues very carefully. The way you talk to parents is important. Remember
that parents and you are partners in bringing up their child. Therefore,
how you and parents deal with important issues could help or hurt the
child.

General hints for talking to parents about
sensitive issues

• Schedule
the meeting ahead of time. When you need
to talk to parents about an important issue, try to set up a meeting time
with them. Ask them which day and time will work best for them. Find a
time when you both can focus only on the meeting. Allow a lot of time
for the meeting so that you and the parents can have a long talk. Be sure
that you both have time to answer all of the questions that you have for
each other.

• Tell parents
what the topic of the meeting will be.
This gives parents a chance to prepare for the meeting. They can think
about the questions they have for you or what their thoughts and feelings
are about the topic. This way, they will feel ready to discuss the issue
with you. Then they will not be surprised, shocked, or angry.

• Find a
comfortable and private meeting place.
Make sure that you will be away from other people and the telephone when
you are talking to parents. Ask parents if they need anything like water
or coffee before you start talking.

• Think about
what you are going to say. Spend some time
thinking about exactly what you are going to say to the parents before
you meet them. Think about what words you will use. Think about what those
words will mean to the parents.

• Thank the
parents for coming. Begin the conversation
by thanking them for taking the time to come and meet with you. Tell them
that this conversation could help both of you and the child.

• Make sure
the parents know that the conversation is private.
Before you ask parents for personal information about them or their child,
explain to them why you need that information. Explain to them how you
will use it. Don’t ask about things that you do not need to know.
Tell them that you will keep the information private. Then they will be
able to decide if they want to give you that information or not. They
will be more comfortable if they know what you are going to do with the
information. They are also more likely to trust you with the information
when they know that you are not going to share it with others.

• Encourage
parents to talk. Some parents may be shy.
Some do not feel comfortable with choosing words. You can encourage parents
to share their thoughts and feelings in many ways. You can invite them
to talk by saying things like, “What do you think?” “Tell
me what you feel about this,” “Do you want to share your feelings
about this?” “Please tell me if you feel I have misunderstood
something,” “Do you want to talk about it?”

• Be patient.Some people think faster than they can talk. Some
parents may take some time to find the right words to express what they
want to say to you. They may want to use the right words to avoid making
you upset. They may try hard to say things the right way. Listen to them
patiently. They will appreciate your understanding.

• Listen
carefully when parents talk. Let the parents
know that you respect their feelings and care about their problems. Look
at them when they are talking to you. Parents will know if you are paying
attention to them by the way you reply or do not reply. Show them that
you are interested in what they are saying.

• Let them
finish before you talk. Listen completely
to what the parents have to say. Listen to them before you form your opinions
about the issue.

• Keep an
open mind.Think
about the problem or issue, not whether the parents are good or not. In
most cases, the issue is not about “right” and “wrong.”
This is not a contest. Try to understand each other and find ways to work
together for the child.

• Give parents
feedback.Let
parents know that you have been listening to them by restating what they
said. You could do this by saying, “So what you’re saying
is that …” or “I hear you saying that…”
This also gives the parents a chance to correct you if they feel that
you have misunderstood something they said. You could use this method
to show parents that you have noticed how they are feeling, too. You could
say something like, “It sounds to me like you are worried about…”
or “It appears to me that you are confused by …”

• Be aware
of body language. Body language is a way
that people share how they feel without words. This could be the way they
sit, the way they cross their arms or legs, looks on their faces, the
way they nod, or the way they look at people. If your words tell a parent
not to worry about something but your face looks worried, it will tell
the parents that something is wrong.

• Finish
the meeting in a positive way and with a plan.
Make sure to say good things about the child, the parents, and/or the
family at the end of the meeting. Talk about what you can do together
to take care of the issue. Make a plan for the next steps you all can
take together. This will help you both feel good about the partnership.

Hints
for when parents want to talk to you about sensitive issues

Sometimes you and the parents need to talk because
the parents are unhappy about the way you do things. Maybe they don’t
understand your way of doing things. Or they may be doing the same things
in a different way at home. They may want you to do things their way because
they believe that is better for their child. Parents may also disagree
with you about certain rules in your center. They may be worried about
what one of the other adults in your childcare setting has done. They
may also be upset with you. When this happens they might want to talk
to you. At such meetings, you may also want to use the following suggestions
in addition to the ideas above:

• Put yourself in their shoes.
Try to see the issue from the parents' point of view. Try to pretend that
you are that child’s parent and think how you would feel about the
issue. Listen to the parents’ words, and try to sense their feelings.

• Focus on helping the child.
Parents are concerned and worried about their child. They want the best
for their child. You are the person with whom their child spends a lot
of time. So parents want you to take care of their child in a way that
they can support. Sometimes it can sound like parents are attacking you
or the way you do things. Maybe you made some bad decisions, or maybe
the parents do not understand you. Try not to defend yourself or react
in hurt or anger. Explain your way of doing things. Listen to the parents.
This will help both of you understand each other better.

• Be open to trying the
parents’ suggestions. Parents may have really good ideas
about doing things. Listen to their ideas and think about them. Sometimes
their ideas may work out well.

• Finish in a positive way
and with a plan. Repeat what the parents have said. Be sure you
understood what their concern was. Ask if the parents understood your
point of view. You do not need to agree about everything, but you should
try to come up with solutions together. Share some ideas and ask the parents
to do the same. Work together to decide which idea to try. Set a time
to talk again to see if the solution is working.

• Thank the parents for
sharing their feelings. After the meeting, think about the things
you do well. Talk to someone who can support you. Decide what you can
do to be a better childcare provider.

Communication
with parents is very important in childcare. Sometimes that communication
is difficult. Think about the ideas in this section. Good communication
with parents can help you provide good childcare. Look for some special
recommendations for talking to parents
about divorce, talking to parents about a child’s special needs,
or talking to parents about
child abuse.