Government Jokes

Funny Jokes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the more...

The Original Version:The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.The New Liberal Version:It starts out the same, but when winter comes, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on NightLine more...

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk they think you need.BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The more...

Private Jones was assigned to the army induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the lieutenant stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said:"If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.""Now," he concluded, "which recruits do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

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Dave W: Rastus and Fifi when out for a walk.
They came upon a cemetary. Rastus says: Fifi, how about I prop you up on one of these tombstones. and we'll knock off a little piece. Fifi snaps back, Rastus, you know I get a rash on my back when we do that. Rastus keeps saying, Oh, it'll be just fine Fifi. Fifi finally gives in and lets Rastus put her up on the tombstone. In a liitle while, Fifi says, "Rastus, do I have a rash on my back? Rastus replies: Fifi, I don't know about your back, but yo ass done died in 1923.

Pamela Pines: Heart Felt Poem. THANK YOU TO ALL WARRIORS (SOLDIERS) who have fought for our freedom & protected us. AND THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO STILL DO THIS FOR US.

JiJi: Rubbish!!!!!!!!!!

Henry: It is really funny. I was just about to add this joke to the website and saw it here!

Mike Dougherty: This is seriously my favorite joke ever. I mentioned it to one of our Language Arts professors, who just kind of guffawed. A few days later she told me her whole department was gunning for me. (I guess she spread it around.)

IlikeTrAINS: Bruh yo hairline so far back i need binoculars to see it

Ludwig Van Beethoven: I love it make more please

Ludwig Van Beethoven: I love it! at the end, it was so funny!:)

Jay: This is not a joke! This is not a forum for political views. So sad. I don't suppose I need to hold my breath for a derogatory Hillary joke anytime soon, right?

Jayden: if ur math teacher told u to solve a hairline problem, it would be impossible