Some have noted the irony of a 16 yeard old already writing their life story, but fans are chomping at the bit to read it. Now Weekly World News was slipped excerpts of Miley’s crayon scrawls, before the ghost writer prepared the book for final release. Take a look:

chapter 2: make it work!

kids are so mean sometimes. when i was 9, these girls at school would sing ‘achy breaky heart’ while dunking my head in a toilet. whatever, they were just jealous their dads weren’t awesome singers like my dad. if you’re being bullied at school, just get through it. some day you could be as popular and well respected as me!

chapter 7: i am cinderella!

i was sure prince charming was the one. i won’t give his real name, but it started with ‘nick’ and ended with ‘jonas’. the first time we met he was like, ‘wassup?’ and i was like, ‘omgyouaresocuteshutup!’ it was love at first sight, guys! it started to rain and we didn’t have an umbrella, so he covered his head with his jacket. he said if he hadn’t just gotten a perm he would have given it to me. i knew i was in love!!

chapter 9: riding the scandal train to shame town!

oh geez, what a bunch of hoopla over nothing. i take one classy photo for vanity fair and everyone like totally freaked out! i had a sheet on, it’s not like i jessica biel-ed it [see exhibit a!]: