Q: I have always made more money than my husband of 20 years. I left my job recently due to my ailing health. I explained to my husband that our family needs him to pitch in a little more, but since my income has always been higher than his, he thinks I should find a better job to make more money. I am fed-up with my marriage, and my husband refuses to see a marriage counselor. I want to file for divorce, but I still love my husband. What do I do?

-Michelle A.

A: Hi Michelle,

I’m sorry to read you are having health problems that interfere with your life. I hope your condition improves and allows you to live the same quality of life you are used to. I can certainly understand your frustration with your husband because his suggestion that you need to find abetter job with full knowledge of your health issues is inconsiderate and insensitive at best. But you are a wise woman because your suggestion of marriage counseling is right on target and one that I support 100%. Let me explain.

As I read your email, two major issues jumped out at me. First, I clearly sense anger from you and, in my opinion, anger is typically the result of resentment. When this is the case, that resentment must be addressed. Second, because of your declining health, I also see the demanding and unrealistic expectations of your husband. So to answer your question of what to do next, I say this: Since you still love your husband and want to save your marriage, go ahead and make that appointment with the marriage counselor at a time when you know your husband is available. Then let him know when and where the appointment is, ask him to go with you (in the kindest and most compassionate way you can) and then go alone if he still refuses. A good therapist will help you deal with this situation and will also help you bring your husband in later. These are serious issues indeed, Michelle, but with the proper guidance, these tough issues could lead you both into a much deeper and more meaningful life together.