It took like four months to finally get through, but I’m doing it. We are finally going to talk about the Jurassic World toys.

Man, to think I originally planned to do all the movies toy lines in just one post. That would have taken forever!!!

Just like all the other movies, the latest entry of the Jurassic franchise had an obligatory toy line tie in because everyone knows that kids love dinosaur toys. And this is true. But there is only one problem….

Kids don’t really buy toys today like they used to.

Back in the 90’s, toys were a much bigger business than they are today, and Jurassic Park took full advantage of that market climate. Today, however, kids seem only get really excited to buy a physical toy if you need it for a video game.

It’s a surprisingly lucrative business.

Now, i’m not saying kids don’t buy toys anymore, the huge aisles dedicated to the play things at retail stores is a testament to that. i’m just saying the demand isn’t nearly as huge anymore, which may be one of the reasons why Hasbro may have low balled this particular line…

Yep, the reviews are in, and the unanimous consensus is that these toys are sub par. Not terrible, but they certainly could have been better. And personally, I have to agree. I don’t own any of these toys, but playing around with them in the packaging and I can already see that the toys are below average. Heck, I think that even the 5 year old me would have been underwhelmed.

Underwhelmed, but I still would play the daylights out of them because they’re still dinosaurs. Who do you think I am?

But before we get into the main dinosaurs in the toy line, let’s take a look at the figures that caused the most controversy and outcry from the fans.

These are some of the Velociraptor toys that were among the first in the line to be released. At first glance, they seem like pretty average Jurassic Park Velociraptors with the scaly skin and no feathers yada yada. But take a second look at them if the problem wasn’t immediately obvious like it was to me. Go ahead, take a look right on their feet. See it yet?

They don’t have a sickle claw.

R U SERIOUS?!!!

How do you make a Velociraptor toy without the sickle claw? That is literally the feature raptors are most known for! It’s what makes a raptor a raptor! If I was given this toy as a kid I probably would have pretended it was a Herrerasaurus! This is beyond infuriating. It just makes you wonder what exactly they were thinking when designing it. Apparently, the sickle claw was omitted for ‘playability’, insinuating the toe claw would just get in the way. There are a few reasons why that doesn’t make sense. What about the other raptor figures in this very toy line that do have sickle claws?

See, was that so hard?

What about the raptor figures form the previous Jurassic Park films? Did any of them have to sacrifice the toe claw for simple ‘playability’?

And what about the million other raptor toys made? Do you think kids have less fun playing with them because that pesky claw keeps getting in the way?

Let’s be honest, has any toy ever had this problem?

So you can see already how these guys left a bad taste in the fans mouths. But sadly, things don’t exactly improve from here.

First, let’s take a look at the Ankylosaurus.

Hmm, I don’t know if I’m crazy, but I swear I’ve seen this pose before….

No guys, seriously. I know I’ve seen this specific pose somewhere in artwork before. If you can find it, it would be greatly appreciated!

Now as for the toy itself, it’s pretty standard for an Ankylosaurus toy. Any Ankylosaurus toy with an action feature is going to have the tail swing, and this one is no exception. But not only that, but it also has this strange movement where the head and neck seems to….retract…into the dinosaurs…shell?

Um, no. That is completely impossible. This toy is treating Ankylosaurus as if it where some sort of giant prehistoric turtle, which no it was not! This is as crazy as a toy person whose main feature was retracting his neck and skull into this abdomen, it’s just not biologically possible!

Turtle, Turtle!

Well, on the bright side, despite that weird as heck head action, this Ankylosaurus is still more accurate than the one featured in the film. It doesn’t have those God forsaken side spikes!

Guys, this really needs to stop. Its 2015.

Alright, let’s move on to the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

The Tyrannosaurus looks basically like your standard JP T. rex, but there is something definitely off. IDK, I think it’s in the head.

GAH!! Too close!

Yeah, the head on the T. rex is very out of proportion, and the lower jaw just doesn’t seem to fit correctly on the upper jaw. The head just looks like a mangled mess. No other T. rex toys from the other films had this problem.

Something else that’s quite obvious from this picture is the quality of the plastic and the very glaring screw holes. Yeah, these toys just feel cheap and are just plain ugly at times. Not only that, but the toy designers/manufacturers make some pretty weird decisions regarding the toys themselves. Look that the large T. rex toy for example.

You see that tail on the bottom of the packaging? No, the tail doesn’t naturally bend that way. You have to actually physically reconnect the tail once you open the box. Not only that, but the tail is kind of loose fitting to begin with, and would probably only get looser as kids continue to play with it. And you know how kids love to loose lose parts of their toys…

This will be the situation within a matter of weeks.

Come on guys, seriously? This has never been a problem with toy dinosaurs in the history of like, forever. Is this just to increase maximum toy shelf space? That’s the only logical reason I can think of.

Man, these Jurassic World T. rex toys are so ugly, I actually think the best looking one is from the LEGO set!

At least it looks properly proportioned.

Ok, let’s move on to a dinosaur that certainly didn’t appear in this film, but had it’s hay day back in the last one.

Of course, with all his popularity from the third movie, Spinosaurus was bound to worm his way into this franchise again somehow.

Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on.

The Spinosaurusu toy here looks pretty identical to the noes from JP3, sans the color scheme, although seeing a toy like this on the shelves again does remind me how pop culture refuses to move forward in the light of new discovery…

Guys, remember. This is still a thing.

But really, what do you expect. It’s Jurassic Park.

Now, I’m not sure if I should even be reviewing this guy, since technically it’s not even a real dinosaur. But…

….here we are.

Ahh, Stegoceratops. The dinosaur that almost made an appearance in Jurassic World before Colin Treverrow’s son told him it was a bad idea (good on you, kid). Still, you see this guy briefly on a computer screen in the film…

What almost was…

…and the dinosaur even makes an appearance in the official Jurassic World tablet game, so you can tell that they had big plans for this creature at some point in production.

Now for the toy itself. In it’s defense it’s actually probably one of my favorite figures in the line. It’s sturdy, well sculpted, and definitely has a good feel to it. Too bad the sculptors put all their effort into a dinosaur that isn’t even in the film or is even an actual dinosaur at all.

I am not the first to point this out, but the skull of this toy does share quite the resemblance to the recently discovered ceratopsian Nasutoceratops, what with the forward facing horns and the lack of a nose horn. Whether or not this was intentional or a coincidence is uncertain, but it’s still a pretty cool piece of trivia.

Next up on our list in Allosaurus, who was actually a toy I was pretty excited for when it was announced (Allosaurus is one of my all time favorite dinosaurs). I do have to say that I am fairly disappointed by it, though. The sculpt is very ugly and very lazy looking, while the coloration brings to mind a certain burger eating fast food mascot.

Ba da ba ba ba…

Yeah, I can’t help but feel slightly betrayed by this toy, as I’ve wanted more Allosaurus’ on the toy shelves for a long time. Heck, that unreleased 2011 Jurassic Park Allosaurus is so much better than this one we got. Why can’t we have that?!

Because fate is cruel.

Alright, who’s next?

Now, the Pachycephalosaurus toy is actually one I do really like, as I feel it is well proportioned and surprisingly accurate. Of course, like any Pachycephalosaurus toy, it has the obligatory head butting action; but really, it would feel like a cheat if it didn’t have that! Pachycephalosaurus was actually supposed to be utilized in the film much more than it was, but it was sadly cut from the final movie and it only made a tiny blink-and-you-miss-it cameo.

Oh yeah, and apparently they’re racist to Pakistanis.

OK, let’s talk about the true star of the movie, Indominus Rex!

Now, I can’t talk about this guy scientifically since once again it’s not a real dinosaur, but I can at least say how I think the toys themselves are. The smaller ones, like the other figures, are pretty ugly and cheap looking, but at least this particular I. rex toy has a cool feature regarding the Dino Damage. Not only can you cover it, but the covering is also spring loaded. That way when you simulate another dinosaur ripping into it, all you have to do is push the other dinosaurs muzzle against it and the spring will release, revealing the wound. That’s a great way to utilize that feature!

The big Indominus Rex toy is also the best toy in the line in my opinion. It’s made of a really nice feeling plastic and has a really satisfying chomping action. Too bad it’s insanely expensive. Still, once again I’m going to have to say my favorite Indominus Rex toy is probably the LEGO one.

Or the plushies.

Next up we’ve got Dimorphodon, and these guys are pretty ugly as well. Sure, Dimorphodon was already a pretty ugly creature, but this toy design is certainly doing it no favors. Even though the sculpt at least tries to replicate the minimal fibers that the creature is known to have and is even depicted with in the movie, the whole thing still looks unnervingly reptilian and lizard-like. The sculpt on the skull doesn’t really do it for me either. It’s kind of dopey looking, almost like Rex from Toy Story.

Imagine that face with Wallace Shawn’s voice.

As any pterosaur toy reconstruction, the body proportions are mangled beyond recognition, but sadly that’s a problem the film version also has, which depicts Dimorphodon as a theropod headed scaly dinosaur dragon thing instead of the fairly small and short winged creature it actually was.

Do they even use skeletal references in these movies?

Thankfully, however, the Dimorphodon has a pretty good wing flapping mechanism; one of the better ones I’ve seen and miles ahead of the mechanics they used in the earlier toy lines for the pterosaurs.

Now let’s take a look at the Ceratosaurus, and yay, they actually kept the color scheme from the third film!

Yay! People besides me remember you!

Unfortunately, the toy also inherits the movie Ceratosaurus’ inaccuracies, with a skeletal design more akin to a mythical dragon than any known dinosaur. However, one of the really good things I can say about this particular toy is the fact that the hands are facing each other, not pointing downward like most Jurassic Park theropods do. This is the correct way the hands are supposed to be positioned, and it’s actually quite the breath of fresh air.

Now, Dilophosaurus may have only made a small cameo in the actual movie…

Although said cameo was admittedly pretty awesome…

…the long standing tradition of making Dilophosaurus toys even though her last major appearance in the franchise was the first time we even see her will not end today. As far as Dilophosaurus toys go though, I’ll have to say this one is OK at best. The frill is fixed on, which would have annoyed me as a kid, but thankfully it can be folded inward. It also comes with a green plastic rod that you can put into the mouth to simulate the spitting venom, which is both gimmicky and kind of gross.

Next we’ve got the OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?!!!!

Is…is that the Pteranodon?

Look at that body! It’s like a squashed baby! Those legs! Those wings! I don’t think they were meant to bend like that! And I thought the ones in the movie were ugly. AND ARE THOSE TEETH?!!! Not even the ones in the movie had teeth!

Look! The movie actually got something right!!!

So there goes my hopes and dreams that someday we’ll have an accurate, no scratch that, halfway decent looking pterosaur toy on the market. LEGO, can you once again save me?

Wow, so much better.

Guys, I don’t know how much more of this I can take. All these dinosaurs that are so woefully inaccurate, so ugly, so cheap looking.

For you guys, I’ll do one more.

ONE.

MORE.

BRING ON THE MOSASAUR!!!

My God is that hideous.

Yeah, the Mosasaur toy doesn’t seem to fair any better than the Pteranodon. Much like the T. rex, the way the jaws are articulated makes it look like they don’t even fit on the head to begin with, which is so strange since so many toys before with similar functions never had the same problem. The body is also really awkward looking, I can’t put my finger on it, it just doesn’t look right. I have a feeling that this toy was designed around the illustration of this creature used on the website, which also doesn’t look quite right to me.

Compare this…

…to this.

Wow, I’m done. I’m actually done. YES! Finally! I can move on to the movies and TV shows I REALLY want to talk about. Return to my old format! I can leave these toys behind me!!!!!

Hold it right there!

Woah! Time Traveling Cynodont! I haven’t seen you since my Walking With Dinosaurs 3D Review! (Mostly because I can’t figure out how to write you into my blog posts anymore). What are you doing here?

There is one more toy line I would like you to look at. Toys that are actually very high quality and pretty to look at. No more cheap plastic throwaways like these!

Hey, that doesn’t sound to bad. Sure, I’m game.

Wait a minute, last time I reviewed something for you there was a terrible, terrible catch.

There was no catch. I simply had you review a bad film. These aren’t going to be bad figures. They’re miles ahead of these toys in quality.

And in accuracy?

Well….

Dun DUN DUUNNNNN!!!!

….

….

Papo.

Yes guys, I’ll be reviewing the infamous Papo dinosaur figures soon. But in the mean time, I’ll be spending some time working on another chapter of my novel Masai Mara and posting it on my other blog Ink & Paint Zoology. My next post here will be another edition of Dinosaurs That Need More Love, this time focusing on Shunosaurus.

As I mentioned in my first Jurassic Park toy review (if you can even remember that far back) I said I wasn’t really around to experience the merchandise of the first two JP films. I was, however, around for the incessant barrage of child marketing this movie threw at us. Even though all the Jurassic Park movies have been marketed to children (because everyone knows kids like dinosaurs), I personally believe Jurassic Park 3 was marketed specifically to kids more than anyone of the movies prior.

No joke, I’ve seen a lot of kid targeted products of Jurassic World, but they pale in comparison of the amount of stuff the JP3 marketing team was spitting out. Almost none of the marketing seemed to be targeted at adults. Heck, if you didn’t know any better you would think it was a kids movie.

And with games like this I wouldn’t blame you.

Heck, I personally believe Jurassic Park 3 was marketed as a genuine kids film. Perhaps they thought that adults would be too smart to actually pay money for this kind of movie, but if we sell it to the kids maybe they’ll beg their parents enough that we’ll actually make a profit. And that’s exactly what happened. Jurassic Park 3 was a box office success, and it’s merchandise sold INCREDIBLY well. Heck, I remember seeing JP3 merchandise in stores long after the movie came out.

The way I see it, the first Jurassic Park and even The Lost World had enough to them that would entice a movie going audience, so child marketing for those two was only a facet of the marketing itself, not the main goal. But they probably knew this film wouldn’t garner that kind of intrigue, so they focused all their efforts on the kiddies. And it worked. You know how I know this?

Because I fell for it all.

When this movie came out, I was merely in kindergarten. But a perfect storm of dinosaur stuff was brewing at that time of my life, and it seemed like fate that my life would revolve around how awesome dinosaurs were. My cousin introduced me to the first Jurassic Park, The Land Before Time and all of his awesome 80’s dinosaur toys. The Disney movie Dinosaur had also just came out, and at this time Universal was spitting out Land Before Time sequels by the barrel full (and I had them all). Dinosaurs were everywhere in my life at the time. The toy store shelves were already filled up with Disney’s Dinosaur and The Land Before Time and generic plastic dinosaur set pieces, and then this new Jurassic Park movie comes along and fills the shelves with even more dinosaurs. You know I bought into that.

Because of this, I actually owned a lot of the toys I’ll be talking about on this post. Some of them were pretty good. Others not so much. and others still I think surpass the toys from the previous toy lines. Now, without further hesitation, let’s get into it.

Now this was one of the first toys they released, their obligatory Velociraptor. And yes, I had this one as a kid. I do remember having quite a bit of fun with this guy. It had minimal articulation in the arms and legs, but it was just enough to simulate movement. A little lever on the back activated the arms into a swiping motion, and the infamous Dino Damage was actually not on the side like with most of the JP toys, but instead on the backside of the tail, represented by a few exposed vertebrae (it’s less conspicuous placement was one of the reasons I liked this toy more than some of the others). There was a button on the damage that when you pushed it the toy emitted a raptor screech (it was probably crying out in pain because you just pushed down on it’s exposed wound). Although I did like the toy, the plastic was a little to rigid for my tastes, and it didn’t really scale well with the rest of my dinosaur toys. and let’s not even get started on the accuracy. It’s a Jurassic Park raptor for Christs sake. In the end, I think the older generation raptor toys were better.

Next up we’ve got a Brachiosaurus, and strangely enough, I think this might be the first Brachiosaurus (heck, the first sauropod) in any Jurassic Park toyline! That’s such a strange thought, cause I always thought sauropod toys were among the most best selling dinosaur toys out their. But of course, the JP toys tend to focus on dinosaurs with claws and horns and teeth so they can rip and tear each other apart, so it doesn’t surprise me too much that this is the first we see of this creature.

This was another toy I owned as a kid, and I have to say I didn’t really like it all that much. I mean, it wasn’t a terrible toy, but I think as a kid I liked to have my sauropod toys tower over my other dinosaurs, and this figure was about the same size of the JP3 raptor (I demanded realism and feasible size comparisons with my toys). It did have a few cool features, like a rubbery neck and tail for a much easier playing experience (I wasn’t a fan of the more rigid plastic dinosaurs). But as you may notice, the Dino Damage is quite prominent, and unlike the previous toy lines, it isn’t removable. It’s a permanent feature of the mold. As a kid, I hated that, and it was one of the reasons I think I didn’t play with my JP3 dinosaur toys nearly as much as my other ones (but I still had them because they were dinosaurs of course).

Much like the raptor, the button that activated the sound effect was located on the exposed flesh, which is kind of terrifying when you really think about it. I distinctly remember the noise the toy made, as it wasn’t the sound effect used in the movies but it was the noise the whale made in Finding Nemo!

I tended to notice these sort of things as a kid.

As far as accuracy goes, one of the things that kind of bothers me with the figure is that the front legs seem to be shorter than the back, even though Brachiosaurus is literally known for being one of the few dinosaurs where the opposite is true. In real life, the front legs were much longer than the back! It’s one of the genus’ most famous features!

I mean, it’s even in the name. Brachiosaurus means ‘arm lizard’.

Now, remember who the star of Jurassic Park 3 was?

No…

There you go!

Even today, for better or worse, Spinosaurus is the most remembered thing about that movie. Whether it was because he was a genuinely awesome dinosaur, or because he was the jerk off that killed the T. rex, or because literally every piece of merchandise plastered his Daffy Duck face on it.

For me, it was the latter.

Spinosaurus was all over the Jurassic Park 3 merchandising, he was practically the face of the movie. So it would come to no surprise that there were a ton of toys made about this guy. I owned one of them.

I remember liking it just fine, but I always thought the proportions were off, and it kinda hindered me from playing with it a lot. Still, I was kind of suckered into the awesomeness of the Spinosaurus at the time, and still thought it was a pretty cool toy.

There was also another Spino toy that had pretty much the same features that came out, with the only difference being a slightly different mold and a new paint job. I remember seeing this one and thought the blue coloration was cool. so I begged my parents if they could buy it for me. But they were all like ‘no son, you already have that one’ and I would be all like ‘but it’s different!’ and they’ll be like ‘how so?’ and I’ll say ‘it’s a different color’ and I’m glad my parents didn’t just give into my every whim. I had good parents.

I remember seeing some of the bigger Spinosaurus toys, but I didn’t even try and bother to ask my parents for them. Even though I did constantly try to push my limits to see what they would get me, I knew that if the thing was half my size alone, chances are I’m not going home with the thing.

Still, that didn’t stop the JP toy makers from throwing as many Spinosaurus variations as they could at us. Oh, this one makes sound. Oh, this one moves! Oh, this one is animatronic! Oh, this one is poseable! Geez man, how many toys do you think we can afford of the SAME freakin’ dinosaur?

Alright, lets move on from a dinosaur that was all over this movie to one that wasn’t even in it.

I distinctly remember getting this toy from Target and being getting so excited about it, but as I started to analyze the toy a bit more in the box, I realized I didn’t even want it. I didn’t even open the box! It was the first toy I distinctly remember returning before I opened the package. So, what was my reasoning for not wanting the Dilophosaur? Well for one the Dino Damage on this guy was pretty prominent, which was already a pet peeve of mine from the other JP3 toys. The entire figure was also made of this really rigid plastic that I didn’t really fins appealing. It was also kind of big, and I didn’t really see myself playing with it all that much. you see, I liked my medium sized dinosaurs like the Triceratops, Stegosaurus, and T. rex’s to be all about the same size, my big sauropod dinosaurs to be bigger than my medium sized dinosaurs, and my small dinosaurs to be, well small. I had this system where all my dinosaur toys were pretty accurately sized in relation to each other, and for me that made playing with them much easier. Some of the Jurassic Park toys kind of threw this off, and I kind of tolerated it. But I knew this Dilophosaurus was just way too big for this perfect system I had created.

But strangely enough, that wasn’t the main reason I decided to return it. The main reason was actually the frill. I thought it just looked cumbersome and wonky, and I knew if I were to play with it I didn’t want the frill to be displayed all the time. I tried to see if maybe I could take it off, but it was on their pretty good.

I remember saying on my first Jurassic Park toy review that this particular figure wasn’t very good looking, but one of the great things it had was that the frill was removable, and you can use it or take it off whenever you wanted to. This would have been the kind of toy I would have liked as a kid.

Hmm, is it just me or did I seem very OCD as a child?

Now, another one of the break out stars of the film were the Pteranodons, as this was the first JP movie that they were prominently featured in. Strangely, two different pterosaurs were created for this toy line. One was Pteranodon, obviously, but the other was a completely random and obscure genus: Tapejara.

I didn’t own the Pteranodon, even though I wanted it. I remember going specifically to the Target with that Pteranodon toy in mind, but they weren’t in stock. The Tapejara was, however, and that was the one I ended up getting. And you know what, I loved that toy!

Yes, it still has those eagle talons and mangled body structure that I have come to expect from toy pterosaurs, but I would have to say that it was one of the most satisfying pterosaur toy that I have ever had. In fact, I think these guys are the best pterosaur toys the Jurassic Park franchise has ever spit out. They handled the best, they played the best, they looked the best, and they appear the most anatomically feasible (even though they’re still not).

Can you really argue that?

I remember the only thing that really bothered me about the model was the fact that I could rotate it’s arms in biologically impossible ways, but that was just me as a kid being OCD. My real question is, however why make a Tapejara toy in the first place? It didn’t appear in the movie, it isn’t exactly a well known species, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Well, my first thought was that in order to save money the toy makers slightly changed the head sculpt of a Pteranodon and tried to sell it off a a distinct toy. I mean, really, that head just looks like a Pteranodon with a head sculpted onto it. And as you pterosaur buffs know, Pteranodon and Tapejara had very different head shapes.

It’s like comparing a heron to a toucan.

But comparing and contrasting the two toys I can tell there are differences in the sculpt, so they are two distinct molds. So the toy makers actually put some effort into making a toy of a pterosaur that even many paleontology fans aren’t aware of. I’d give them props, but if they put the effort into the body at least put that same effort into the skull cast.

Now, despite T. rex only having a bit part in the third Jurassic Park movie….

Get it? Bit?

…the awesomeness that is Tyrannosaurus is too much to deny, so of course a couple of toys were made from him.

This was the one that I owned. I remember showing it off in first grade during show and tell. I liked it just fine, but it was still made from that rigid plastic that I didn’t like, and even then I could tell that the proportions were just off. And that ever present Dino Damage was just as distracting as ever. Yeah, I did like it, but I had other much cooler T. rex toys that got much more of my attention.

There was another, larger T. Rex toy that was released as well. Such is the tradition of Jurassic World, sell both a cheap version of a certain popular dinosaur as well as a much larger much cooler much more expensive version of that same creature. It’s been happening since the beginning, really. I never did see this guy in person, either it was always sold out or the stores that I went to never carried them, but just by looking at it over the interwebs I can tell that many of the older Tyrannosaurus figures were much better designed.

Now, the last toy I’ll talk about today (there were other JP3 toys released, but I don’t think I can comment much on them) is the Triceratops. This was another one of the toys I owned, and I have to say I really liked this guy. In fact, I think it’s probably the best looking Triceratops toy the series has produced thus far.

I mean, to me, the older Triceratops models always looked a bit too wonky for my tastes. They just don’t capture that ‘Triceratops’ feel that I think a Triceratops toy should have.

But this particular Triceratops felt sturdy, strong, and looked more movie accurate and scientifically accurate than the other Trikes. But still, that Dino Damage and the toy’s somewhat small size kind of prevented me from playing with this, heck any of the JP3 toys a lot.

I think the thing you can gather from this post was that even though I had a lot of these toys, for one reason or another they just didn’t hold my interest for too long. This particular toy line had a strange mix of both some really good toys and some pretty bad and cheap looking ones, and I can certainly see why most fans prefer the Kenner toys from the earlier films. And although I think all the Jurassic Park toys have their ups and downs, I do see why some of the design choices here would turn some people off. But what can I say, I was a product of my time.

I’ll be back some time later to finish my Jurassic Park toy review series with the toys from Jurassic World, but first we’ll return to the series Dinosaurs Over The Years and look At one of the most resilient dinosaurs of our pop culture history.

Brontosaurus. And yes I can finally say that now.

(P.S.: I will also be returning to my other blog Ink and Paint Zoology with a review of The Lion King and hopefully another chapter of my novel Masai Mara. It feels good to be back guys.)

If you thought the first Jurassic Park film was a cash cow franchise, wait till you see The Lost World. When this movie came out it was absolutely everywhere! If you can think of a potential merchandise tie in, you bet your Jurassic some marketing executive slapped a raptor on it. Despite all the hype, however, most people remember The Lost World being quite the disappointment. Despite that, many of the tie ins for this movie are fondly remembered. The film did spawn several successful video games, including the classic light gun arcade game that can still be played at several locations today.

Everybody loves this thing.

But we’re not here to talk about video games. How well do the toys hold up? Let’s find out.

First, some rules.

I’m going to skip over toys that are just repaints of the figures from the first line as well as toys that look very similar to older models. I don’t want to constantly repeat myself and struggle to find new things to say.

Like last time, I’ll be going down the list in order of production codes.

Philosoraptor, do you feel like joining me today?

Sure. why not. Don’t have anything else going on.

Glad to hear it.

BTW, whatever happened to that story-line you were building up to? The one with Mr. Conductor and Time Traveling Cynodont keeping his mother captive. Do you even remember that?

It’s still coming, just be patient.

Do you even need us anymore?

Anyway…..

The first couple of toys in this wave are just repaints of the Velociraptor and Pachycephalosaurus figures from the first line. Nothing really notable there. We do get a couple of distinct raptor figures afterwards though. The first one is given the nickname Cyclops, a name some people may find ableist.

The missing eye is on the other side apparently.

So, Philosoraptor, what do you think?

I’m not sure, really.

Yeah, neither am I.

I mean, it looks cool, but it I’m not sure what I can really say about it. It’s just a generic Jurassic Park raptor toy.

Hey, wait a minute. I kind of look like one of the Jurassic World raptors!

Wait, really?

Hmm, I guess you kind of do. It looks a heck lot more like these raptors than the ones that actually appear in The Lost World.

What happened to the tiger stripes?

Oh, there we go.

Yep, it looks like the only raptor toy that actually carries on the look of the raptors of the film (albeit barely) is this electronic Velociraptor figure. And I must admit, out of all the raptor toys, this one is probably my favorite. It looks the best sculpted, the paint job is nice, and it doesn’t have that kind of wonky look some of the other raptor toys had. That being said, it still has all the problems you would expect a JP raptor would have, and there’s nothing really more to say about it. Next!

The next figure in the toy line is actually a very surprising one. Despite the genus appearing in every Jurassic Park film to date (with the probable exception of Jurassic World), this guy is kind of underrepresented in the tie in products. Thankfully, he gets a toy here. Meet Parasaurolophus!

Because of the pretty major appearances this particular dinosaur makes in The Lost World, there was actually a surprising amount of Parasaurolophus merchandise when this movie came out. It’s not every day Jurassic Park makes a toy that doesn’t have sharp teeth, killer claws or stabby horns to entice the violence fueled youth of America. And I’ve gotta say, this is a great looking sculpt. It’s very film accurate in coloration and overall design, and it is actually pretty accurate to the real creature itself. There’s still something a bit off about the forelimbs and the hand, but other than that this toy is pretty spot on. It may actually be the most accurate figure in the Jurassic Park toy line (I guess it helps if the movie itself also featured the most accurate hadrosaur depiction on film in it’s time).

The toy line took another surprising turn when they released a Chasmosaurus figure. Now, Chasmosaurus isn’t exactly the kind of dinosaur that you would associate with Jurassic Park. It hasn’t appeared in any of the films nor in the books, and to the mainstream audience this dinosaur is interchangeable with Triceratops. Yet they decided to make it anyway. You know what, kudos to them. This is one of my favorite toys from the line. It’s visually interesting and surprisingly accurate (there are some exaggerated features here and there and the skeletal structure may not line up exactly as it does in the real animal, but that is to be expected from something meant for kids to bash around with), as well as distinct from the Triceratops figures. I certainly approve.

One the more expected side of things, we have our obligatory Pteranodon figure. Similar to the Quetzalcoatlus toy from the first line, this toy has a feature that allows it’s wings to fold together when not outstretched. Unfortunately, this does give the appearance of bat-like wings, which is certainly frowned upon in in pterosaur depictions. Still, I don’t expect much from toy pterosaurs to be honest. Nearly all of them fail anatomically, with features like bat wings, eagle talons. misplaced teeth and scaly skin seemingly mandatory. Still, these toys are meant to be played with, not to be scientific pieces. And all pterodactyl toys have one thing in common, they’re almost universally fun to play with. And this guy seems like no exception. On the bright side, he does look better than the Pteranodon toy from the first film.

Here we have a much larger and more movie accurate version of the Pachycephalosaurus. This toy line already had a representative of this genus, which was just a repaint of the older Pachyvephalosaurus mold.

Just by looking at them you can tell which one is more play-friendly.

The big Pachy, although technically more accurate, does have a glaring issue. The toy is supposed to have a ‘head butting’ action (par for the course for all Pachycephalosaurus toys) but the way the toy is constructed leaves something to be desired.

Because the skull isn’t fixed into the neck, overuse can loosen the head to the point that piece just juggles around in it’s slot, making it nearly unplayable. I much prefer the head butting feature in the smaller figurine.

Since the creature has a fairly prominent role in the film, it is refreshing to see that this Stegosaurus figure is a lot less derpy looking than the last one.

I just don’t know what went wrong.

While the first stegosaur seemed to remind us that this dinosaur had a brain the size of a peanut, the newer one has the look that despite that it can still kick us in the Jurassic. The sculpt is much sturdier looking and better proportioned, and the spikes and plates no longer appear to be put on haphazardly. Overall, well done.

Carnotaurus once again makes an appearance, and although this time around it doesn’t look quite as ‘rubber Godzilla suit’-esque as the last one, there’s no denying it still has a kaiju feel to it. Once again, those arms are the biggest problem. And I think this time around they’re even longer!

Guys, come on! Get it together! Carnotaurus literally had tiny stubs for arms. This guy is famous for them, even more so than T. rex. At least Tyrannosaurus could flex and had some dexterity, this poor guy’s forelimbs were glorified wrists!

I mean, that’s just sad.

As to be expected, this toy line does feature T. rex (a couple of them actually). There’s not much to really say about them, since once you’ve seen one JP Rex you’ve basically seen them all, but I will say they are impressive looking toys. I will say that the ‘Thrasher” T. rex (the green and black striped one) is the best looking of the two, as it is much better proportioned. The other one just looks at tad bit googly eyed to me (not surprisingly, the Thrasher Rex is the more sought after of the two to collectors).

I finally get my chance to talk about Ornithosuchus on this post. I was going to talk about this guy on the first Jurassic Park toy review, as an Ornithosuchus figure was made for the first film, but that toy was ultimately unreleased; which is a shame as I felt this was a legitimately cool looking design, as well as an out of the box species choice. They did finally get to release this guy officially in The Lost World toy line, albeit with a new paint job (I personally prefer the old coloration better).

As far as accuracy is concerned, this guy is a mixed bag. I’ve certainly seen worse, but the limb proportions and the exaggerated teeth aren’t to be ignored. But I still think this is an amazing looking toy, and I’m glad to see more pseudosuchians (I just love that name) represented in popular media.

Baryonyx appears once again, this time with a completely new sculpt. How does it fair compared to the old one?

Ughh, don’t even remind me!

While this guy is certainly better looking than the old one, it’s still and overall ugly design. The skull shape is still wrong, the body proportions are completely off, and there’s something about that flexible tail that just makes me cringe a little. The only consolation is that at least this time they remembered to add the hand claw; you know, the feature this dinosaur is most famous for yet for some reason they decided not to add it on last time!!!!

Of course, compared to poor old Spinosaurus, Baryonyx got off pretty easy.

Yes folks, that is a Spinosaurus. This was back in the days when Spino was simply a generic carnosaur skull with a random fin on it’s back.

You see kids, this is what happens when your only known remains are destroyed in WWII.

I mean, what can I really say? It’s just hilarious to look at! Everything about it based on what we know to day is just wrong. And it wouldn’t be nearly as bad if the next JP film didn’t star this genus as the main villain in a role that would popularize the image of how the public sees Spinosaurus today.

I’ll get to you later.

But as we know, the look of Spinosaurus has been constantly changing in light of new discoveries, and the creature has once again gone through a metamorphosis…

Don’t make fun of me.

Well, this is a first.

Because of the prominent appearance of the baby T. rex in the film, I guess it was only natural they would make a toy out of it. As far as I know, it is currently unknown what an infant tyrannosaur actually looked like, but I do believe it is thought the younger tyrannosaurs had more elongated snouts based on slightly older specimens. Then again, baby animals often go through dramatic changes as they grow up, so a baby rex with a puppy dog face turning into a teenager with a more elongated skull then turning into an adult with a big boxy skull isn’t completely out of the question. Still, this figure is pretty accurate to the film version, which did a fair job at depicting what a baby T. rex may have looked like. Today, of course, this guy would be feathered. But what else is new, this is Jurassic Park.

Triceratops finally gets an appearance here, although I feel the results are somewhat mixed. I personally think this figure is better sculpted than the original one…

Despite being a heck of a lot smaller…

…I’ve still seen much better Triceratops toys than this. Nothing about it screams I want to play with it, which is a shame since Triceratops toys are normally incredibly playable.

The final dinosaur in this particular wave of toys was simply a repainted Dilophosaurus from the original film, so I won’t go into it here. However, some dinosaurs were released as accessories to a larger playset. This included an Allosaurus that had removable parts that simulated battle damage, and the goal was to put him back together in a sort of surgery role play.

Oohh, that’s nasty.

The Allosaurus toy itself, however, is certainly not bad (I’m sure many a kid lost several of those removable parts though). I like that the skull isn’t just some generic carnosaur head, which tells me they actually did some research on what this dinosaur actually looked like. I also really like the coloration, which reminds me of something….

Hey, I see what you did there JP:OG.

The final two creatures came together in a playset called ‘Dino Tracker Adventure Set’. I find the name a tad bit misleading, as the set doesn’t actually have any dinosaurs in it. We do, however, have two Permian creatures: Scutosaurus and Estemmenosuchus. Much like Ornithosuchus, these guys were supposed to be released for the first film, but they never were. And also like the Ornithosuchus, I prefer their old color palates more.

I’m not sure what possessed the toy manufacturers to make figures of two very obscure creatures, but whatever light bulb went off in their head is certainly appreciated. Yes, their features may be a bit exaggerated, but that’s to be expected in pretty much any dinosaur toys. I think these guys look pretty awesome, and i’m really glad Kenner decided to make these guys.

That’s it for now, but keep a look out for my next Jurassic Park toys post. Next time I will talk about the toys of Jurassic Park 3.

As a kid, I absolutely loved dinosaur toys. Anytime I was at Toys R Us or Walmart and I saw a little plastic dinosaur I didn’t have yet I begged my parents to by it for me. From the ages of 4 to 12 nearly every toy I owned was a dinosaur. They completely outnumbered any other kind of toy I had by at least 10 to 1. But then, came the most horrible change of my entire life.

I became a preteen.

I figured I was too old for all the toys I had, and decided I needed to get rid of them. Coincidentally, my parents were having a yard sale just around that time. I gathered up EVERY SINGLE TOY I HAD and sold them all that very day. As you can imagine, a yard sale that has toys that aren’t just being thrown away because no one wants to play with them but are actually cool and in good condition was very popular. By the end of the day, all my dinosaurs were gone. I probably had over 100 individual dinosaur toys.

I made $40.

I spent it all the next day at a mini golf/go karts/arcade entertainment place.

It’s a decision I regret to this very day.

Strangely enough, very few of those toys were actually Jurassic Park toys. One of the reasons I had so many dinosaur toys was because it’s easy to find cheap 99 cent ones. I didn’t care, I just loved the fact it was a dinosaur. However, JP toys always tended to be more on the expensive side, so I only got a hold of those on special occasions.

However, the biggest reason I didn’t have that many JP toys was simply because I wasn’t around for the first two. I am unfortunately a millennial, which means I am the mouth breathing inconsiderate everything-is-handed-to-me-and-I-will-never-appreciate-it-because-I-am-of-the most-recent-generation scum of the earth. Direct my well deserved hate in the comment section. I only saw the other two JP films after the fact, so I was really only around for the Jurassic Park 3 toys.

And they kind of sucked.

But thankfully, through the Internet I have discovered just how awesome the toys for the earlier films were. While I wallow in a pit of sadness knowing I will never be able to get my hands on these amazing figurines, I’ll go ahead an review them on my blog.

Note, if you want better, more informative reviews of dinosaur figurines, go to the Dinosaur Toy Blog.

I’m going to return to the old format I used for the earlier reviews in my blog for this. I’ll be going down a list of each of the dinosaurs represented in these toylines and look at them individually. For the most part, I’ll be going in order of production codes. So that means we begin with the first toy produced in the first Jurassic Park toyline for the first Jurassic Park movie: Dimetrodon.

Now, it might seem strange for the first Jurassic Park toy to be produced to be of a creature that didn’t even appear in the film, but you know if you’re making a dinosaur toy line you have to add Dimetrodon. You know, even though Dimetrodon didn’t live in the Mesozoic era, wasn’t a dinosaur, or even a reptile like we know them today. But like most dinosaur toy lines, they don’t care. The creature takes on an especially reptilian appearance,with the tail looking like that of a crocodile! The general scientific consensus is that the skin of a Dimetrodon would more likely look like a bald mammal’s skin as opposed to pebbly reptilian scales. But to toy manufacturers, Dimetrodon is nothing more than a lizard with a fin. But really, there is nothing truly wrong with that. The toy is pretty cool, and one I wish I owned as a kid. It definitely looks like something you would see at Jurassic Park, and I kind of wish they would put one of these in the movies. The trading card that came with the toy depicts a scene that begs to be included in a film.

Why must you tease me so?

The next dinosaur in the toy line is Dilophosaurus, a dinosaur that actually appeared in the movie. You know, despite some of the inaccuracies (such as the backwards facing palms and the oddly flat and lizard like feet) this actually isn’t a bad looking Dilophosaurus considering. In fact, it actually looks better than the dilophosaurus seen in the film. The body structure and shape of the skull is much better looking, but still not completely accurate. I notice they decided not to add the frill either, which I think was a good idea for reasons I’ll get into later. You can, however, make it spit water, which is something every kid probably wanted to do. All in all, this Dilophosaurus toy is probably the best looking one out of all the toy lines, and you’ll see why later.

Next up is Velociraptor, arguably the star of the whole franchise. Given how popular these dinosaurs were in the film, it’s only natural that these guys would have a lot of toys made for them. And when I say a lot of toys, I mean A LOT OF FREAKIN’ TOYS. There are more raptor toys than any other dinosaur in the series, and I can totally see the appeal. They’re smaller than the other dinosaurs, but still fierce and dangerous. These guys were basically made to be toys. But if you’re looking for accurate dromaeosaurs, than you should know a freakin’ lot better than to start looking in the Jurassic Park franchise.

You think they would know by now.

Wait a minute. Philosoraptor, is that you?!It sure has been I can’t remember the last time

Hey DG, long time no see.

Wow, I completely forgot to write you and the rest of my characters into my posts it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. What brings you around?

Well, it’s been a while since you’ve done anything JP related, and I figured I’d come around for old times sake. Even take the form of the raptors like I used to do back when I was evil.

You were never evil. Just misunderstood. So then, what do you think of this particular toy?

It’s decent as far as Jurassic Park raptors go. But I must warn you, I looked over the other raptors, and things go waay down hill from here. Just sayin’.

Hmm, looks like I’ll see.

Surprisingly, the next dinosaur in the line is also one that doesn’t appear in the film, or anything else JP related for that matter. We actually get Coelophysis, which I think is actually a pretty surprising choice. Of course, they’re still not very accurate. The hands have the usual problems and there aren’t enough fingers (the toy only has three when a real Coelophysis had five). However, the strangest features these toys have can be seen by their description on the box.

Constrictor Bodies?

One of the features these toys have is that their necks and tails are made of rubber with a bendable wire running through them, so you can bend the bodies to different poses. I think that’s a really cool feature, but it seems to be insinuating that the Coelophysis use their necks and tails to constrict victims like a snake, which is beyond impossible. Still, as ridiculous as the concept is, that still seems like something they would do in the Jurassic Park movies. Coelophysis is another one of those dinosaurs I would like to see in a film, and once again the trading card reminds me why.

Stop being so awesome!

Our next creature represented in the toyline is Pteranodon, and this toy actually marks the first time this creature is depicted in the franchise. And yes, this is the same Pteranodon from the first Toy Story movie.

Childhood enhanced!

Unfortunately, the pteranodon has all the common trappings of pop culture depictions of pterosaurs. The leathery wings, the pebbly scaly body, and worst of all the eagle-like talons are all present. But what’s strangest of all is the fact that the Pteranodon depicted on the trading card is much more realistic.

It even has fur!

But as far as this toy goes, the pterosaurs depicted in the later toy lines look much better, even if the later ones still remain completely inaccurate.

We finally get a Tyrannosaurus figure in the line, but this one is labeled as a ‘Young T. Rex’, and is much smaller than the one that comes in later. I’m not sure why they created a ‘young’ T. rex for the toy line; maybe it’s a reference to the young Rex from the novel, or maybe it was made to justify creating a smaller, cheaper T. rex toy. In any case, this particular toy can suffice as a normal T. rex for anyone who doesn’t want to shill out the money for the much bigger one. As far as accuracy goes, it’s a fairly standard JP Rex, and there’s not a whole lot to talk about that I haven’t already said before. This particular toy comes in two color variants, one brown and one green, and they both come with another awesome trading card.

I just freaking love the artwork on these things.

Next we’ve got Stegosaurus, a dinosaur that didn’t appear in the first film but get’s a pretty major appearance in the next one. Surprisingly, the look of the creature remains pretty consistent, even in color scheme. This may not be the best Stegosaurus toy I’ve seen, but it’s miles ahead of most of them, especially for the early 90’s. The front legs aren’t sprawled out, the tail is high and off the ground, I’m actually pretty impressed.

The Triceratops on the other hand could have been much better. As it is, it’s not very movie accurate nor accurate to the dinosaur itself. Everything about it just seems wonky, from the shape of the head to it’s placement on the neck all the way down to the length of it’s legs and tail. I can say with confidence that later Triceratops toys look much better.

I think I’ll also take this moment to point out that a lot of these dinosaur toys have a feature called ‘Dino Damage’. It’s basically just a removable piece of the plastic hide that unveils red tendon and bone to simulate dinosaur battle damage. The piece is removable and can be put back on so your dinosaur doesn’t constantly look like it has a life threatening gash on it’s side. More on that later.

We finally have a proper full sized Tyrannosaurus figure in the line, and frankly I think it’s great. It’s much better proportioned than the earlier Rex (I know it was meant to be a young one but still) and it also seems to be a bit more scientifically accurate to boot. The coloration still isn’t very movie accurate, but it does bring to mind the color described in the novel, which is just fine with me.

Next up we have another Velociraptor, with this one advertised as ‘electronic’ with the ability to make screeching noises. In some ways, this guy is an improvement. The palms are actually facing each other, which is actually quite a victory for me. Other thing about it though, just look weird.

What’s with my color?! I look like freakin’ Ronald McDonald!!!! Ughh, and these hands. I guess that’s were all the frog DNA went.

Well Philosoraptor, just be happy you’re not as ugly as the electronic Dilophosaurus.

Ughh!

This Dilophosaurus is certainly not as good looking as the earlier, with the streamline body looking much dopier and frog faced. One notable feature, however, is that they decided to add the neck frill. Luckily, they had the foresight to make it a removable accessory. I’ll explain why that works better in a later submission.

Next on our list of ‘prehistoric animals I never thought in a million years would be in a Jurassic Park toyline’ is Lycaenops, a therapsid (what we used to call ‘mammal-like reptile) from the Permian. Now, I understand why the Permian therapsid Dimetrodon got it’s own toy here, since that guy is almost universally (but still wrongly) associated with dinosaurs, but Lycaenops?!

Now, I’m not complaining, as I think it is an awesome addition to the franchise, but I still think it’s an unexpcted choice. Still, it is always nice to see a gorgonopsid portrayed in mainstream media (and long before Primeval I must add) and it is surely a welcomed addition to Jurassic Park.

Our next creature is just as obscure and surprising as the Lycaenops. Meet Tanystropheus, a Triassic reptile known for it’s incredibly long neck, which was longer than it’s body and tail combined. Much like the Coelophysis, the neck and tail are made of flexible rubber with a bendable wire running through it, so that you can contort the creature into any pose you would like. Once again, a pretty cool feature, even if it is sadly inaccurate. Even though Tanystropheus’ neck was incredibly long, it was composed of only a few VERY long vertebrae. Since the neck bones were so long and rigid, it is thought that Tanystropheus’ neck was very stiff, and would have only been able to move from side to side. So the snake-like movements made possible by this toy’s feature would be impossible. Speaking of snakes, this depiction of Tanystropheus seems to be very much inspired by serpents. It has fangs like that of a viper (a feature the real creature didn’t have), the box refers to it’s bendable neck feature as a ‘Constrictor Neck Attack’, and the box nicknames the creature ‘Cobra’. Maybe they used snake DNA when cloning this guy?

The next dinosaur we see is something much more traditionally Jurassic Park. Here we have Pachycephalosaurus in vibrant red and gold coloring. I really like the paint job on this guy, which I think is really detailed in all the right places. The scutes on the back are a bit strange, but this was made in the early 90’s so I can forgive them for that. The hands and feet are a bit strangely contorted, but that’s to be expected in these kinds of toys. And of course, this guy has an obligatory head butting action, par for the course in pachycephalosaur action figures.

Now we add another pterosaur to the line up with Quetzalcoatlus. At the time the only remains we had of this creature were very fragmentary, so depictions of this creature varied wildly. All we knew at the time was that it was an immense pteorsaur, bigger than any known before. So, it looks like the toy designers just took that aspect of the creature and ran with it. I would comment on how the proportions of the wings, body and head are all wrong, but it would be like beating a dead horse. No pterosaur toy gets the body structure completely right, and frankly I think it would be impossible to do so. I will comment however on the eagle-like talons, which I’ll admit it is fun to play with your pterodactyl toys and pretend you’re picking up humans or little creatures with them. Despite that, it’s still something I immediately notice when I see pterosaur depictions. There is a plastic rod in the wings that helps when folding the wings inward, but when outstretched it makes the wings look very bat-like, which is unfortunate.

Next up we’ve got another large carnivore to add to the line, Carnotaurus. At first glance, I think this is a pretty good Carnotaurus toy. The only thing that seems obviously wrong with it are the arms, which are wayyyyy too long (in reality, a Carnotaurus’ arms were basically little stumps with fingers). But the more I look at it, the less and less it looks like a dinosaur and the more it reminds me of a Japanese kaiju. Maybe it’s just the quality of the plastic, maybe it’s the dopey look in it’s eyes next to those comically oversized teeth, but can’t you just imagine this thing trampling through a city and yelling out:

It can’t just be me, can it?

Now, I have to say I’m a little confused by the inclusion of Utahraptor in this toy line, since the Velociraptors shown are basically just Utahraptors anyway. Heck, they even created a distinct, original mold for the toy! It was probably just an excuse to get a larger raptor toy in the franchise, seeing how JP created a raptor mania and everyone knows that BIGGER means BETTER. With that being said, does the toy hold up on it’s own?

Raarh! I’m like JP Velociraptor only slightly bigger!

It is still a pretty fun looking toy, and stands up in it’s own merit fairly well. I really like the coloration and pattern the figure is painted with, which sort of reminds me of a tiger or jaguar. But like any scaly raptor dinosaur, in modern eyes the entire body is mangled beyond belief. As far a a JP raptor goes though, it’s still a pretty cool looking toy.

The next toy down the line is actually a somewhat rare collectible. This dinosaur is a Baryonyx, and I have to say it certainly isn’t one of the better looking toys in the franchise. The tail is stubby, the legs look like they belong to a green chicken, and the famous long arms and giant hand claws are barely even there! Even the head looks wonky, it barely even looks like it belongs to this dinosaur. It is certainly one of the uglier figures in the toy line.

The final dinosaur figure in the toyline for the original Jurassic Park movie is this colorful Gallimimus. Sadly, it suffers a lot of the same problems as the Baryonyx. The whole body is awkwardly proportioned, the head barely looks like it belongs to the dinosaur represented, and all in at it just looks ugly. It doesn’t really grab me to want to play with it, which kind of makes it fail as a toy. If a toy looks fun to play with, I’ll forgive it for inaccuracies. Sad to end this particular toy line and a low note.

I’ll be back for part 2 and discuss the toys made for The Lost World: Jurassic Park.