Friday, October 27, 2006

If you're a regular reader of this site, you're probably familiar with "Ohio State Video Chick" who did a sexy little dance to allegedly entice her boyfriend to come to Columbus for school. Some have called it "The Greatest Recruiting Video EVER" (ok, that was us).

In any event, as if U-M's incredible football season wasn't enough, a coed from A2 has answered in a big way and posted a recruitment video for Michigan in response.

I held my lunch until that close up at the end. But when she came in for the facial close up, jabbed her tongue a few times between those chubby, spread fingers, well, it was like a scene out of the "Exorcist" at my office.

It is close to last call in some Yspilanti drinking hole. You’ve been drinking alcohol – a lot of alcohol. Your vision is very blurry. You do another shot of Jägermeister. The bar lights are dim. Someone catches your eye (which isn’t easy, since one eye is completely closed and the other is only ¼ open). She is a pretty girl in a Catholic school girl outfit and pig-tails across the room. Her shirt is unbuttoned at the top revealing a nice set of jugs.

You watch her do a sexy little dance on the dance floor, which, bizarrely enough, ends with her dropping to her knees and giving the coochie-munching “V” sign. You can’t help but get turned on, having just finished another shot of Jägermeister. You buy her a drink and make-out a little. You jump at the chance when she offers to give you a ride home.

As she drives you to her apartment, your head starts to clear. You roll your window down a little and get some fresh air. Your vision clears a little, and in horror, you realize what you’ve done – you’ve been sucking face with Chris Farley.

As you pull into the apartment parking lot, you immediately ask her to take you home. She refuses. Now your head really hurts, and you realize that you're stuck in a car with a 250lb woman on a one-way street to a one-night stand from hell.

You beg her to drop you off at the dorm again, she won't.

You struggle for the keys. In a feat of strength and speed that only an elite college athlete could muster, you actually push the 250lb woman out of her car, violently wrestle the keys out of her hand, and squeal your tires as you exit the parking lot. Crying, she gets her cell phone out – you wrongly assume it is to order pizza(s).

Realizing you might get charged with auto theft, you leave the car in an empty parking lot and sneak into the dorm, thanking God that no one saw you. Whew, that was close – luckily, no damage done.

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