I need to vent/could somebody please let me know if I'm overreacting?

My situation isn't quite the same as yours, but it is similar. I have a sister who is mentally ill. She loves the drama and will go out of her way to create it where it doesn't exist. She will say horrible things about family members and refuse to talk to any of us. After some time, we'll suddenly hear from her and she will act like nothing at all happened. Eventually, we got tired of having to tip toe around her constantly in fear that something someone says will set her off again. She'll go so far as to hold her kids over my parents' heads by saying she'll deny them contact with their grandchildren unless they do what she wants. It got so ridiculous, that we pretty much cut off contact with her. My mom said that she did everything she could to make sure my sister had a shot at a good life. She raised her and bent over backward to help her out when she got herself into trouble as an adult. There's nothing more she can do and at 60 years old, she deserves some peace in her life. So, she stopped talking to her. She feels bad that she doesn't get to see her grandkids, but she can't continue to let herself be held hostage.

I continued to have a relationship with her until last year. I was pregnant and my family was planning a baby shower for me. My sister tried to make the entire thing about her and when she wasn't permitted to plan the whole thing herself (an attempt to have something to hold over my head, I'm sure), she threw a fit and tried her best to ruin the whole thing. It was at that point that I realized that nothing would ever change. She would always be this way and life with her would always be unhealthy. I can't allow my son to be exposed to that. It's my job as a parent to protect him from the lunacy and chaos. So, I cut her off. I no longer talk to her. Of course, I sometimes feel there is a piece of my heart missing. She's my sister and I grew up with her, but I have to think of my family first.

I know that a sister/aunt isn't the same thing as a mother/grandmother. However, your job is to protect your baby and do your best to provide your child with a good upbringing free of drama and pain. If that means you have to cut your mother off, then that's what you need to do.

Congrats on the new baby. I hope your pregnancy goes well and you have a healthy baby.

In no way, shape or form are you overreacting. Your mom said horrible, horrible things and clearly has some major issues (who on earth calls a happily married woman a slut for getting pregnant?! or criticizes an ultrasound photo of their grandchild?!), and frankly, I couldn't blame you at all if you cut her off. I guess I tend to err on the side of caution in these things, though, and I would maybe just severely limit contact with her and see how things play out. Maybe she will soften up a bit once the baby is born?

This isn't really the same sort of situation, but my own mom has been pretty unstable, partly due to some mental illness and, I think, aggravated by a closed-head injury from a car accident. She actually started up this online affair with a man in Ireland (we're American, and she's been married to my stepdad since I was 4), and ended up going to see him twice. She was clearly NOT well in numerous ways and ended up making a suicide attempt, very shortly before I found out I was pregnant with my oldest. However, since he was born, she has really stabilized, and she has been a very loving grandma to him and our younger son. I had really thought, during my first pregnancy, that I might have to cut her off or at least have very minimal contact with her, for the kids' sake, but happily, that hasn't turned out to be the case.

My mother was horrible about my engagement announcement, as well as the following pregnancy announcements in the years after that. It was because there was something big happening in my life that she couldn't control, so she punished me for it. (She also punished me by trying to spoil my wedding, but that's another story.) The physical abuse from her went on for nearly 2 decades, and the emotional abuse didn't stop until I finally cut her out of my life for good, just over a year ago. I can't tell you how liberating it is to be FREE of the biggest bully I've ever known. To not have the sick urge to try to impress somebody who can't stand me, to win the love of somebody who would just as soon I was never born. It has brought nothing but tremendous relief. My husband says I'm like a new woman since the "divorce". My temper and anger have faded to almost nothing and I'm finally at peace. It's sad that it had to come to this, but I had to protect both myself and my children.

However, I had had friends urging me for YEARS to cut her off before I finally had the strength to do it. I know how hard it is, even when you know that she is evil and sick, to permanently divorce yourself from your own mother. It won't happen until you finally, FINALLY get to a place where you know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that things will NEVER get better, no matter what you do.

Please take care of yourself. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Babies are wonderful. Please do at least keep some distance from people who are not supportive of you, and who are unkind to your child - for indeed, she has already been cruel to this child, just in the way she has reacted to its very existence.