Permanency Tip of the Week: Love is in the Air; However, Our Youth First Need Permanency

With Valentine’s Day, many of the sights, sounds and activities focus on seeking and finding Love in our lives. For our Youth in out of home care, the concept of Love can range from being challenging, to painful to possibly even totally foreign. Even the mere act of exchanging Valentine’s Day cards in school, can be enough to trigger significant cognitive, emotional and behavioral responses in our Youth. In our ongoing efforts to partner with our Youth to seek and find Permanency, let us be sure to be compassionate and thoughtful about our words, deeds and activities this week. This can be a powerful reminder to all of us why our Youth so desperately need Permanency in their life ASAP! #love

“It could be said Brian and I had an aversion to lifelong commitments. After all, it took us nearly 10 years to tie the knot and our knocking knees still drowned out the minister. That all changed on February 10, 2015. That was the day the most adorable 8-month-old little girl arrived at our door and we felt our hearts expand in a way we had never known possible. The first time those big brown eyes looked into ours, we were hooked. We knew the road from fostering to adoption could potentially be a bumpy one, but with the support of Family Service & Children’s Aid it was an incredibly smooth process to our forever family. We have never been more excited to see what the future holds for us and our beautiful daughter!” Leigh & Brian

#strongfamilies #FSCAJacksonMI

Permanency Related Articles:

Social Justice Solutions – There may be nothing more horrible than the isolation that comes with a childhood of complex trauma. It isn’t that we are alone. We are probably surrounded by people, but we are alone on the inside. Life is happening around us. It may even be happening to us. But we aren’t really involved. We are watching. We are watching others have fun in life. We are watching others meet milestones. We are watching life happen to others. But this life is not for us. This life is not ours to live…

But we don’t know it’s an inside job. It isn’t about others. It is about our own beliefs and messages. We are telling ourselves the reasons for our isolation but they aren’t real. Let’s look at the most common beliefs keeping us isolated. 1) I am not good enough for others; 2) I can’t connect with others; 3) I can’t trust anyone..

The irony is there are so many of us isolating from the world for these reasons. And if we knew about each other, we would build networks to support us in our journey home. But first, we must look inward and recognize the lies we were told and the lies we keep telling ourselves. We are not meant to be isolated. We are meant to connect and belong somewhere. But we will have to come out from behind the curtain of isolation we have created. Only then can we come home.

Chronicle Of Social Change – Child maltreatment is often measured by lives forever scarred by trauma and families torn apart, but a new study estimates that each case of abuse also carries a hefty price tag. According to researchers with the San Francisco Child Abuse Prevention Center in collaboration and the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley, each incidence of child abuse costs the public $400,533 over the course of a victim’s lifetime…Though the cost of child maltreatment is steep, researchers say that the estimates are conservative; the actual number may be much higher, as much as $5.6 billion. This is because many cases of abuse are not substantiated, are under-reported or have difficult-to-quantify costs.

Foster 2 Forever – My son doesn’t remember being hungry — but his brain does! The trauma from infant neglect can cause lasting impressions in the memory bank of a baby. My son was just 8 months old when he came to live with us. Even in those short months, he had experienced serious neglect that unknown to anyone had a lasting impact on his life. He spent the majority of his infanthood in a car seat, as his parents partied and fought in another room. Just how often did he get fed? His cries for a bottle went unheard. How often did he get changed? His cries of discomfort from dirty diapers weren’t heard. When he came to live with us, he had a rash in the shape of a diaper on his entire front and bottom. “Babies don’t remember.” That’s what I thought. But I was very wrong…

My son doesn’t have a memory of being hungry as an infant, but his brain does. That baby’s developing brain was hard-wired with a terrifying memory of being hungry, not knowing when he would be fed, and believing he was going to die!…When I look back on the documentation at the daycares, his rages occurred around 10 in the morning and mid-afternoon. My child was hungry!! I can now attribute about 90% of my son’s behavior issues to hunger. Although I understand the trigger to the majority of his crankiness and tantrums, I still struggle with parenting my son — a strong-willed finicky eater! (That’s another blog post)

Chicago Now – 30 Adoption Portraits in 30 Days – Portrait of an Adoption– I was adopted at five months old, from a foster home in Fulton County, Ga. I was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee. My adoptive father was in the service in Georgia at the time of my adoption, but we ended up in New Jersey, where he was from. That’s where I was raised — in a small, middle-upper class suburb of northern New Jersey.

I don’t remember when I was told that was adopted, maybe I was five…seems like I always knew. I remember that my parents told me that I was “special” because they “picked me out of a bunch of other babies.” I don’t remember recognizing anything abnormal, negative, or missing from my life as an adoptee growing up. I do remember wondering — later in my teens and in college — where I got my looks from, as I would hear people talk about how much a certain child looked like their parent(s).

I initially searched for my first mom in my early twenties. I was told that since I was adopted from Georgia, the records were sealed, but that I could put my name on a registry, and if she was on the registry, they would contact her to let her know that I was interested in finding her…I rest now in knowing that this is a hard situation for all of us in the “triad.” I no longer perceive it as purposeful neglect, which is liberating. I am presently in counseling to attempt to push through the myriad of emotions I have experienced regarding the surrendering of my children.

The podcast highlights the following topics: 1) Meeting families “where they are” and letting them establish what success looks like; 2) Georgia’s collaboration with agencies and other partners as part of a “blueprint for change”; 3) How technology has impacted the field; 4) The skills today’s younger professionals are bringing to the field; 5) Guidance and advice on managing and supervising staff and teams. #ACFHHS #GADFCS

Please forward this blog to other Permanency Champions and those that could use a healthy dose of Permanency.

Permanency Tip of the Week: Start with the Why for Permanency

Simon Senek’s TED Talk, focuses on the importance of tapping into the “Why” of what we do, not just the “How” and “What.” In looking for the “Why” behind our Permanency efforts, we need to look no further than the correlation between our experience/response to the best and worst days of our own lives to the presence of Permanency. On our best days, our sources of Permanency were often the first people we told and the ones whose joy was the most impactful. On our worst days, our sources of Permanency were often the first people we reached out to and the ones whose comfort and compassion was the most impactful. This is the WHY behind Permanency being so critical for those we serve in foster care as well as for us as the providers.

New York Daily News – The more the merrier. That’s the mantra that a Long Island family will use to ring in 2018 surrounded by friends and lots of family — including the five foster children they officially adopted last month. Aleisha and Anthony Bryant will celebrate their first New Year’s Eve since expanding their family’s numbers into the double digits, counting their own two kids from previous relationships and a former foster daughter.

The Bryants made the decision in 2015 to open their hearts and their Baldwin home to foster children in need when an agent with You Gotta Believe — an adoption agency that specifically places older foster kids and sibling groups — recommended a family of five siblings, ranging in age from 6 to 18…“We didn’t know how we were going to do this, but we knew we had enough love to make it work,” Aleisha said. They adopted the quintet of kids on National Adoption Day in November, at the Long Island Children’s Museum. “We still have no regrets; it’s been a roller-coaster ride, but it’s been worth it,” Aleisha added. #yougottabelieve

Permanency Related Articles:

Sharon Kaplan Roszia has devoted her entire career to the field adoption and foster care beginning in 1963. She has worked in both public and private agencies has developed and guided a private organization to meet the needs of adoptive families and has given presentations around the globe…Sharon is currently co-authoring her next book, “The Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanency,” based on the construct she developed with Deborah Silverstein in 1986…The Seven Core Issues in Adoption are referenced in various training and educational curriculum, internet sites, books and articles, and are often utilized and taught by professionals throughout the United States and Canada…For several months Sharon and co-author Allison Davis Maxon have been expanding and blending the core issues with the field of attachment and trauma. #adoption, #sevencoreissues, #attachment, #trauma

The popular Harry Moon series is written for a middle school audience and encourages readers to become heroes in their own communities, accepting the differences of others and cultivating kind behavior. The series highlights topics like foster care, adoption and embracing those with special needs… A portion of the proceeds will go directly to The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption…There are more than 150,000 children in North America who are in foster care waiting to be adopted. More than 20,000 children age out of care each year. The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption funds adoption recruiter positions at adoption agencies across the U.S. and Canada. Those recruiters focus on finding homes for the children who are most at risk of aging out without being adopted. This includes older children, sibling groups, and children with special needs. #DTFA

Stanford News – Neglected children who are placed with foster care families earlier in life are more likely to be just as resilient and competent socially, academically and physically as their peers who have never been institutionalized when they reach their teenage years, according to new Stanford research focused on children in Romania…Researchers found that 56 percent of previously institutionalized children who were randomly placed with foster care families when they were between 6 months and 2 and a half years old was as competent across a range of metrics as their peers at 12 years old. This is more than double the percentage of those children who remained in institutional care, of which only 23 percent were deemed to be competent at age 12, according to the study, published Feb. 1 in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. #Stanford

Children’s Bureau – Summary of findings from the most recent Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS) data for fiscal year 2016, a research snapshot about how parental work schedules affect the way families use public or private early care and education and nonparental care services, a new podcast that highlights a child welfare veteran’s perspective on the biggest lessons learned by agencies and professionals, and a list of the latest updates to the Children’s Bureau website.

Permanency Tip of the Week: Being Mindful Of Permanency

Mindfulness is frequently included in healthcare conversations and it has its place in the Permanency conversation as well. When a match that did not work or a potential Permanent connection does not come to fruition, we may experience a range of thoughts, feelings, and reactions including frustration, anger, disappointment or disillusionment. Before we act on any of these let’s take the time to pause, reflect and become mindful about the magnitude of what we are asking of our Youth when it comes to Permanency. We are essentially asking them to trust us that this family will provide them with a place to heal from their years of repeated and/or chronic pain, loss, loneliness, abuse, neglect, betrayal, and trauma. Let’s try and imagine what it would be like to go on this journey and be mindful that our Youth will need lots of support, care, compassion and time! #Mindfulness, #permanency

Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption – Douglas’ mother put him in the foster care system when he was 10 years old because she said she couldn’t care for him. After five years in the foster system, Douglas told his Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiter that he wasn’t sure he wanted to be adopted. He was about to be placed in the pre-adoptive home that had been arranged by a previous caseworker, but Douglas wasn’t feeling good about it. He told his WWK recruiter that the only person he could see being his family was a woman named Karen who worked at his group home. His WWK recruiter went to work. She connected with Karen, interviewed her and discussed that adoption is an unconditional commitment. Karen not only wanted to open her home, she had already opened her heart to Douglas and was very excited to learn that he felt the same way. Douglas was able to be placed in her home. The adoption was finalized and Douglas says it was all because his WWK recruiter listened to him. #DTFA, #wendys, #adoption

Permanency Related Articles:

Chronicle of Social Change – San Francisco has been able to increase the number of resource parents applying by more than 300 percent since partnering with Binti, a company I co-founded. Binti builds software for government and private foster care agencies to help alleviate the shortage of foster parents so that every child can have a stable, loving home. Child Welfare Information Gateway – Diligent Recruitment. #chroniclesc, #fostercare

California Evidence-Based Clearinghouse (CEBC) – Juvenile and Family Court Judges frequently recommend or require services for children, youth, and parents in the child welfare system, while attorneys, advocates, and social workers may also recommend services. The California Evidence-Based Clearinghouse (CEBC) website can be a helpful resource informing decisions about services by educating judges, attorneys, and other key stakeholders on the effective programs that may be locally available to address the unique needs of court-involved families. #evidencebased, #evidencedbasedpractice

Parent.com – According to recent statistics, roughly half a million children are in the foster care system in the U.S. About half are eventually reunited with their families, while one-fifth are adopted. Many of them entered the foster system as victims of abuse and neglect. But what about the foster parents who step in to care for these vulnerable children when they are in crisis? While there is plenty of data about foster children, information about foster parents can be elusive.

I talked to foster parents, not to obtain statistics, but to hear their stories. This is what they want you to know. 1) Foster parents aren’t superheroes; 2) Yes, dealing with loss is hard (but not impossible); 3) Foster kids are not bad kids; 4) The foster system isn’t just a cold bureaucracy

From talking to foster parents, I learned that being a foster parent doesn’t require a superhero cape, sainthood, or limitless patience. It does take commitment, compassion, and a desire to help others. #fosterparent, #fostercare, #fosterhome

Vera Institute of Justice – Skipping school, running away, or violating curfew may seem like normal adolescent acting out. But for thousands of kids every year, these misbehaviors result in being taken to court or even locked up. A new special online report documents what we know about these behaviors—called “status offenses” because they are only illegal because of a kid’s status as a minor—and why criminalizing them doesn’t work. For many teenagers, misbehaving can be part of normal development, but for others, it’s a symptom of—or response to—an underlying problem. #Juvenilejustice

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Permanency Tip of the Week: Things Were Just Starting to go Well: Is this Sabotage?

When a family / new relationship is going well, there can be a temptation to “leave well enough alone” and not continue with the same intensity of services. With the life histories of our Youth in Care, this can be a risky course of action. Due to a life history that is often filled with trauma, abuse, neglect and loss, our Youth may not feel comfortable with sustained success in relationships. It can be helpful to verbalize that this may be going on for our Youth and if so, this makes them Normal! If we can engage with them and the parent(s) in an empathic and trauma informed way, we stand a good chance of being able to minimize/avoid the turmoil that can develop. Before we label our Youth as saboteurs, let’s identify them as potentially being in fear and reach out to them with care and empathy.

Adopting a child has always been a dream for my husband and me. There are so many children in need of loving homes across America and the world. So, in the winter of 2016, we began the journey to make this dream come true. This journey has not been easy. It has been long and challenging – from home studies and background checks, to trainings and paperwork, to court approvals and extensive coordination across various agencies. However, it has all been worth it…By the end of May 2017, Tray officially joined our family full-time in Tempe, Arizona. American Express’ parental leave policy allowed me to take up to 20 weeks to bond with him. We used that critical time to create of lot of “first” memories for our family, such as our first camping trip, first big hike, first trip to the ocean and first family road trip (and we all survived!). Every morning, Tray’s smiling face and joyful singing to welcome the new day reminds my husband and me that we made an incredible decision. If it is your dream to adopt a child – pursue it. Regardless of how long the journey may seem.

Thank you American Express for helping us achieve our dream! And, thank you to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption for helping make the adoption of children in foster care a priority for so many Americans.

Permanency Related Articles:

British Assn of Social Workers (BASW) – We are delighted to introduce this report of the BASW Enquiry into the role of the social worker in adoption – ethics and human rights. Adoption is a life changing event – for the children concerned, their birth parents, siblings, grandparents, extended family and adoptive families. Adoption has been promoted strongly by governments across the UK in recent years, in England most of all, as the ‘gold standard’ approach to permanence and stability for children who are considered at risk within their families of origin and who have come into the care of the state. However, adoption is also one of the most controversial areas of social policy. …This Enquiry into sensitive and complex areas of practice is a start to further discussions and debate about improvements, not an end. The Enquiry aimed to create safe spaces to hear the experiences and views of everyone involved.

PSY Blog – Adults who have had stressful childhoods find it harder to sense risky situations approaching, new research finds. As a result, looming health, financial or legal problems could be more difficult to spot for people who were maltreated early in life. But when the bad luck hits, people who have had stressful childhoods get hit harder — perhaps because it is more of a surprise.

Professor Seth Pollak, who led the study, said: “It’s not that people are overtly deciding to take these negative risks, or do things that might get them in trouble. It may very well be that their brains are not really processing the information that should tell them they are headed to a bad place, that this is not the right step to take…”

But the people with high-stress childhoods, even after many trials, they weren’t using negative feedback to change their behavior and improve.” Brain scans also revealed that there was relatively low activity in areas related to loss as people were considering their choice…“Now that we have this finding, we can use it to guide us to look at specific networks in the brain that are active and functionally connected. We may find that childhood stress reshapes the way communication happens across the brain.”

Child Welfare Information Gateway – Individuals touched by adoption are united by a unique bond. Support groups for foster and adoptive parents can provide valuable opportunities for open and honest dialogue about common experiences or issues related to adoption. Regardless of the type of organization sponsoring a group or the formal and/or informal nature of the setting, support groups bring together parents who likely face similar challenges and questions as they redefine themselves as adoptive families.

Parents can offer valuable insights based on their own adoption experience and give and receive support through an exchange that benefits all parties. Adoption support groups are a great way to explore practical problem solving, coping strategies, and where to find extra help or resources if or when they are needed.

Futures Without Violence – Changing Minds – Every child needs access to the opportunities that prepare him or her to compete in the changing economies and realities of the 21st century. Yet, for too many children, exposure to violence and traumatic events in the home, school, or community can affect them throughout their entire lives. From a national stakeholders gathering of state and local leaders, federal partners, philanthropy, and others, this guide was developed to address how health, education, child welfare, justice, and child development organizations can further the prevention and healing of childhood trauma at the state level.

The objectives for this state policy guide are to outline approaches that can be adapted based on a state’s circumstances and community needs, and address the reality that children grow up and develop in the context of their families, communities, and cultures. Let’s work to prevent and end childhood trauma together.

Family Equality Council – The Every Child Deserves a Family Campaign brings together a broad coalition of organizations from across the political spectrum, including child welfare organizations, child welfare professionals, advocacy and civil rights organizations, and current and former foster youth with lived experience in the child welfare system. Campaign members are united in the belief that no otherwise qualified foster or adoptive parent should be turned away due to their marital status, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, or gender identity.

Please forward this blog to other Permanency Champions and those that could use a healthy dose of Permanency.

Permanency Tip of the Week: Practicing Kindness Towards Our Youth in Out of Home Care

We all know the positive impact on our heart, mind and soul when people show kindness towards us: Intensity of pain seems to lessen, challenges do not seem as daunting and a previously dark future looks a little brighter. Our Youth desperately need the presence of all three of these positive impacts in their lives. What sorts of ways can we show kindness towards our Youth in out of home care? 1) We can place their need for Permanency on the top of our list of things to accomplish. 2) We can validate and support them without trying to fix them. 3) We can be fully present with them when we meet with them. What ways can you be kind to the Youth you serve this week? Let me know at: drgregmanning@gmail.com.

Children Awaiting Parents – Jeanne & Ron Hux never planned to have children. Jeanne is a licensed Social Worker specializing in the mental health field. Her passion is working with the special needs elderly; this is where she met Malcolm who changed their lives forever…Malcolm, 60 years old, spent 30 years in an institution. When his last foster care placement fell through, the Huxes knew that they wanted Malcolm to join their family. “Malcolm is our world, he is everything to our family,” said Jeanne. After being adopted (full conservatorship), Malcolm said he wanted a roommate… When they brought Malcolm to meet Bryan, the Huxes knew the two men were a perfect fit. They told the caseworker immediately that Bryan would be a part of their family. Both men have severe medical and mental disabilities which have brought many challenges to the Huxes but that has not stopped this family…

After having fostered these children, Jeanne wanted to adopt a baby with special needs. One of Jeanne’s employees sent her a picture of Anthony, a five-year-old boy she found listed on the Children Awaiting Parents website…Anthony is now seven years old and thriving with his new family. The doctors told the Huxes that Anthony’s life expectancy was going to be very short…Jeanne would like to encourage people to adopt children with special needs. She is convinced that if people realized there is such a need for families for children with special needs, more people would adopt!

Permanency Related Articles:

Seattle Times – Every day, Abby Trimble texted high-school freshman Victoria Delk: Don’t forget to put away your tablet and do your homework. And every day, Victoria didn’t pay attention. That went on for months. Then one day, Trimble, while playing soccer with friends, dashed off a text that went something like this: “I’m on the sidelines now, but I want you to do your homework.” “I felt bad,” Victoria recalled. Even during a soccer game, Trimble, an education specialist at Treehouse, which supports kids who have spent time in foster care, was taking time to try to help her. “I started doing my homework. My grades started going up,” Victoria said…

“Every time a student gets pulled out of a home to live with strangers, that will impact the ability to study,” said Peggy Carlson, who oversees services for foster kids at the state Office of the Superintendent of Public Instruction. On the other hand, 89 percent of foster kids served by Treehouse graduate in five years, as of 2016…Founded in 1988, the organization had been providing educational support for about 10 years, supplementing other programs for foster kids. It runs a free store in Rainier Valley called The Wearhouse, which offers clothes, toys and school supplies. Treehouse also gives out holiday toys and finances things that strain a foster family’s budget, like summer camps and sports and music lessons. All in all, it serves nearly 8,000 kids…

Tri-County Times (MI) – Ralph and Kim Jackson of Fenton never expected to raise four more kids, in addition to their own two sons and two daughters. But when Michigan Child Protective Services stepped in to take their grandkids away from their oldest daughter and her husband, the choice was clear. Their home was deemed unfit to live in, and the parents’ rights were finally terminated after the state charged them with environmental neglect…The Jacksons aren’t the only grandparents dealing with issues with extended family, causing grandparents to step into a parenting role, the second time around. Today, many grandparents are raising their grandchildren because of the opioid epidemic, according to a recent story on Today.com. It has become so common that for every child in foster care, 20 are being raised by a family member…

TEDx Glasgow – There are currently 15,404 children and young people in care in Scotland and many more thousands of people who have gone through the same themselves. Whilst in care herself, Laura was bullied and felt different and isolated. Throughout her working life, she has seen the barriers young people still have to face as a result of their time going through similar situations. Laura’s talk will provide an insight into what life feels like in care and the real people behind those grim statistics…

Psych Central – Can well-meaning, loving parents fail their child emotionally? Surprisingly, and unfortunately, the answer is yes. It is possible for even the most caring and well-intentioned parents to be emotionally neglectful. In fact, the largest subset of emotionally neglectful parents genuinely do love their children and want the best for them. I have encountered so many such parents over the years that I assigned them a name: Well-Meaning-But-Neglected-Themselves parents — or WMBNTs…

The truth is, to love your child is a very different thing from being in tune with your child. For healthy development, loving a child just isn’t enough. Parents must also be in tune with their child. For a parent to be in tune, he must be a person who is aware of and understands emotions in general. He must be observant so that he can see what his child can and can’t do as he develops. And he must be willing and able to put in the effort and energy required to deeply know his child. A well-meaning parent who lacks in any one of these areas is at risk of emotionally failing his child…

The Good News – 3 Things You Can Start Doing Right Now: As a WMBNT parent, it is never too late. Whether your child is a toddler, tween, teen or adult, there are specific things you can do to prevent or heal the Childhood Emotional Neglect that was passed down to you, and never your choice. 1) Begin to address your own Emotional Neglect. 2) Get more curious. 3) Make a point to talk about meaningful things with your child… When you give your child the message that you are interested in his true self, you are plowing through generations of neglect, and reversing it.

ACEs Connection – A lot of people who write about adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) focus on the damage — the impact on mental health, the medical problems, the permanent changes to DNA, the behavioral challenges… But in my experience? There’s a whole lot of wiggle room in this wonderful life, driven not by our childhood experiences, but by how we approach today. I’m not just being philosophical here. These are my very practical, time tested actions you can take right now to start changing your state of mind, one little step at a time. They’re easy, they’re free, and they work. I am living proof!

I write a blog all about living with PTSD from childhood, growing up poor, and what new findings from research around ACEs. In today’s video, I reference my personal inventory technique to get rid of fear and resentment. I show you how to do it here.

Please forward this blog to other Permanency Champions and those that could use a healthy dose of Permanency.