please help - i can't seem to get control!

i'm feeling frustrated.
i am really struggling with getting my eating under control.
i counted calories for one day and went horribly over the limit i set for myself.
i didn't count anymore after that.
i am doing pretty well at getting in activity, compared to where i was a few weeks ago.
but my eating is horribly out of control.
and i just don't drink water.
each day when my knees ache, i tell myself, i need to get in some water.
but each day, i don't do it.
why!?

i want to be healthy, i want to lose weight.
why can't i get in the groove?
please, can anyone help me get started?

We can give you the tools; calorie logs, links to meal plans, etc. but the onus to actually follow through is on you and you alone.

We can't force you not to eat that extra serving of dinner, or drink that extra can of pop. We can tell you that that extra serving is probably another 300 calories, and that extra pop is probably another 160. But whether you drink/eat it or not is up to you.

I mentioned this in another thread: You have to want it (being healthy/looking better/being lighter etc) more than you want anything else in the world. You have to want it so bad that the idea of "spending" extra calories on a short-term enjoyment isn't worth it.

The idea of having no pain in your knees has to be worth MORE than procrastinating or neglecting to drink water that you know will help. If the water helps and you're not drinking it, then either you're not in enough pain or there's something else that's holding you back from getting better.

The same goes for weight loss. You can have all the tools and opportunities laid out before you, but if you don't actively make use of them, then you need to start looking at what may be holding you back. Some people use being overweight as a shield to protect them having to face the world, put themselves out there, be noticed. Being overweight can make us invisible and for some, that's comforting.

The way I view it is this:

I consider calories my "food money."

Every day I have around 1400 worth of "food money." I can't go over because I don't have more than 1400. So, if I see something I want (perhaps a nice lovely chocolate chip muffin) that is going to cost me, lets say 400 in "food money", I'll be that much short, and more than likely hungrier earlier, than if I chose a "cheaper", more filling apple, or serving of cheese.

It's a lot like being on a budget. With actual money, unless you're well off, it's hard to justify a $300 dress just because you're craving it. Therefore, you have to take that approach to weight loss. Is that tempting extra piece of cake worth the cost, or does saving up that "food money" for something more satisfying in the long run have a higher value?

I would rather put a payment on, for example, a new TV, than buy that $300 dress; just like I'd rather spend half the "food money" for that muffin to buy a late night snack of cereal, milk, orange juice, and toast.

I love Rainbowgirl's post and second everything in it. Thinking of a food "budget" makes a lot of sense, and it's often how I decide what I'll have for a snack or for dinner.

It gets easier the longer you do it, Anawhatsme. The first few weeks that I counted calories, I didn't have nearly as many tricks up my sleeve for creating healthy and tasty meals. I felt hungry or dissatisfied a few times, but stuck with it because I was NOT going to tolerate feeling physically rotten and seeing my freedom become proscribed by my weight.

Eventually, you--and only you, as no one else can make it happen for you--must decide which discomfort is worse. Is it worse to plow through the first rough days or weeks of making necessary changes or is it worse to keep your comfort foods, but give up little pieces of your life?

One thing that helped me out a lot was looking at everything I was doing as an additive process. I wasn't losing Cheez-its, I was gaining cheese and apples. I wasn't giving up cake, I was acquiring a taste for more sophisticated desserts like poached pears or flavored Greek yogurts. I added vegetables to every meal, added walking and (later) weight-lifting and yoga to my regular habits, added more water to my daily fluid intake.

Everything I've done to lose weight has been a gain.

It may sound like semantics, a way to trick myself into tolerating a difficult or unpleasant process, but it's more than that. It's transformed that process into a pleasant, even an exciting one. It's no longer about losing weight--it's about feeling healthy, about rediscovering things that I used to love and had forsaken for years or decades.

When was the last time you ran because running is fun? How about riding a bike? Have you gone swimming in the past month? Year? Decade? I hadn't, but I do now.

Calorie-counting may not be for you. It works great for me, but other people do better moderating their carb intake. Some people need a lot of volume in their diets to give them the physical sensation of being full, while other people need to eat enough protein and fat to feel truly satiated with their meals. Some people jump right into a low-calorie plan at 1200 calories; others step down slowly and start with only a small deficit.

Play with your plan if you find it intolerable as it is, but please don't give up on weight loss entirely. It is so worth it, and although it may occasionally involve some self-denial or some choices made with your head instead of your stomach, it does NOT involve self-torture. If it does, keep hunting for a plan, because you haven't found the one that works for you yet--but it is out there.

" You can live the hard life of a fat person or the hard life of a slim
person--your choice."

I think that sums it up.

Personally, I have found the hard life of a slim(ming) person getting easier with every passing week, and the pay-offs are great. I never want to go back to the hard life I lived before, of shame, inertia, being out of shape, no nice clothes, growing out of everything, and so on.

It really is a choice and personally, I'd rather choose looking and feeling good. I hope you will too.... You sound so sad and down--please be kind to yourself nd make the commitment to live the one life you have, as a slim healthy person and leave the very hard life of an overweight person behind.

All the best from someone who was where you are.

ps All I did was eat less of all food groups, not omitting any type, and moved more. I'm 63 and I now have an eating style that wil last the rest of my life.

I buy flavor packets at Walmart to put in my water, 64 oz of water with the packet is 40 calories. I'll usually drink half of that and then refill my water bottle so the flavor is diluted. I HATE drinking plain water but the little bit of flavor makes it a lot easier.

Freedieting.com is a site I just found out about ( on here!) and it's got some GREAT 1300-1400 calorie plans. You can create a plan that will fill you up and STILL be healthy, but you have to want to put that effort in.

It takes 28 days to build a habit, I suggest writing down your goals and what you want to accomplish and breaking those down into mini goals so you can chart your progress.

Sometimes, it is incredibly tough to get going. I recommend making this as easy and non-thinking for yourself as possible. I would create a menu for one day that meets your calorie requirements. Plan your three meals and 2 snacks. Then, I would eat the same menu...everyday...at the same times...for 1 week. At the end of that week, add another dinner option and rotate that for the next week. Each week, add another option. By doing this, you won't have to think about what you can have each day or how many calories are in everything. You can put yourself on automatic pilot each morning. Regarding the water, I still struggle with this. One the days that I do well with getting my water in, I keep a measuring cup handy and I fill it up on the hour and drink it down. I'll keep post-it nearby and make tic marks for every cup. I've tried keeping a water bottle on my desk, but I forget to drink from it!

Try flavoring your water, or even putting a lemon, orange, or lime in it. There are many people on here that have said things that have made sense since I have started posting. Don't waste your calories on fluids. Maybe you could drink tea? Unsweetened of course.

Getting started is very rough for many people. For me, it is the absolute hardest part. It's so easy to just give up with the thinking you'll just start tomorrow. Unfortunately, that thinking has turned into years of "tomorrows".

The best thing that has worked for me is setting small goals. Start out with focusing on one day, or one week. Focus all your energy on making just that goalFrom there, add a little more time, two week, a month. Thinking aobt how long it's going to take overall can be very overwhelming. Yes, it is going to take awhile, but for now, don't focus so much on the long haul, just focus on periods of time that are easier to wrap your head around. A day, or even a week isn't a huge amount of time, it will fly by. Then next week, you can focus on a new goal.

Best of luck!

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Amanda

It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
James Gordon

also, don't stand in your own way - so many times i didn't get started because every star in the universe wasn't lined up perfectly, i didn't have exactly the right work out clothes or shoes or all the perfect groceries to start an amazing new lifestyle LOL that's crap! you can start today! write down EVERYTHING you eat, warts and all. Add it up. LOOK AT IT, OWN IT. If you can't do that one simple step, maybe you're not ready to mentally face all that will be required in the long haul, but I think you can. DOn't wait for "perfect" because it will never happen. Do what you CAN TODAY, go for a walk, even if it's 5 minutes, it's more than yesterday. Eat one slice of toast instead of 2. If you're going to eat a bag of chips, eat half. Do something, anything, to get going.

thanks everyone.
you gave some really great advice and i appreciate the support.

trazey, your message is kind of where i am right now.

today i'm counting calories but not with a goal in mind.
i'm kind of taking inventory of how many calories i typically consume.
i figure once i see it on paper, i can remove things here and there.
like an extra tsp of margarine, for example.

also, i am making an effort to drink some water.
just one glass is better than none.

I actually wish I'd done that before I started carving away calories, because I think it would've taught me so much about just where my calories were coming from and how different food choices affected how I felt. Plus, it would've been a nice "before" snapshot to look at later, once I'd started on a plan and lost some weight.

Always record honestly, even if you aren't happy with your choices. It's the one rule I've set for myself and I believe it's kept me on track. Even that day that I ate 800 calories' worth of Girl Scout cookies is on my "permanent record" (and surprisingly, I worked those 800 calories into my day).

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