Let’s be honest. Everybody wants to be considered attractive – especially when you’re on the market and trying to find that special someone. On some level, every single person equates attractiveness with more options, better opportunities and, ultimately, greater dating success.

But what’s really at the heart of attractiveness? Is it objective or subjective? Is it just physical? Are there ways to enhance your attractiveness, or are you stuck with what you’ve got? Read on for our take on how to attract the right person into your life by focusing on becoming your most attractive self.

The Beauty Trap We know, we know. Our culture tends to equate attractiveness first and foremost with physical appearance. We are inundated with messages that being attractive means fitting into a cookie-cutter mold of physical beauty. These expectations are unrealistic, frustrating and demoralizing. They make us feel bad about ourselves and send others negative messages about ourselves, which is not attractive. It’s a vicious cycle. We know. That’s why this isn’t another article extolling the virtues of a new haircut or an updated wardrobe (even though we can appreciate a good makeover article as much as anyone). We want to start shifting the conversation and challenge you to look at your attractiveness quotient in a more holistic, more productive way.

In the end, yes, physical appearance is undeniably part of the total attractiveness equation. But it is not the entire picture. Your manner, your outlook, the way you engage people can be just as important as what you look like. Need proof? Think about that average-looking person you know who always seems to captivate members of the opposite sex with a sparkling, winning way. Or think about the physically stunning people you’ve met who turn hideously unattractive once you glimpse a negative disposition or unfriendly attitude.