(Closed) Eloping Etiquette

I need some advice. My fiancé’s and my plans have already been finalized. What I need help with is how to deal with friends and family in regards to telling them.

Here’s the deal. Got engaged September last year, and we told everyone right away. For the first six months we just threw ideas around amongst the immediate family members and took a while to decide anything. When people asked how planning is coming, we’d just say we were moving slow, nothing decided yet. So several months ago we finally nailed down our plan, and the parents are fine with it. We’re going on a cruise in May and we’re going to elope on the cruise. Just going to be my fiancé and me. It wasn’t anyone’s original idea, but everyone is quite happy with it now, and it’s already booked. Parents are even helping pay for it. But we want to keep it a secret; we plan on mailing “We eloped!” announcements immediately upon our return, but I don’t want anyone else to know beforehand.

We also plan to have a “reception” a couple months later. I will wear my dress again, there will be a DJ, and we’ll have some food catered. But it will be at my parents’ house, and it will be MUCH more casual than it would have been had we not eloped. My mom wants the reception to be able to celebrate with our extended family and her close friends. I want the reception because about 80% of my group of school friends live in different states, and the ONLY time we are all together anymore is for our weddings. I feel like I can’t pass up this opportunity to see my best buddies all in one place again. A wedding is the only thing most people will shell out the money for to come home. Plus, my mother would have a fit if she can’t plan a party. Since she’s paying, I don’t really care.

But I REALLY don’t want it to seem like a gift grab, like SO many people say. That is so not what it is, and I’d love to put a line in there about “Please, no gifts,” although I’ve heard that’s bad to do too. I also don’t want to come across as a liar. I find our little secret plan quite romantic, and I feel very strongly about not telling anyone else what we’re doing until we get back.

So the problem is: what in the world do we tell people in the meantime?? A lot of people keep asking how planning is coming, and soon it’s not going to be believable that we’ve still got nothing decided yet. I’d like to tell them the date of our reception party as if it’s our date, but my best friend, the only other person I’ve told, thinks that’s “outright lying.” I also feel that my out of town buddies will need to know the date in order to plan their travel. But will people be upset when they find out we eloped if they already bought plane tickets? Even though there’s still going to be a party on that date? Is there any way I can explain this to people so they won’t feel deceived? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I really would never have guessed it would, but my friend’s comment has me worrying again.

Whether they believe you or not say you havent set a date yet for the wedding and stick to it. If they question it say when you decide you will be sure to tell them. Right now you are “trying to figure our finds and logistics before deciding”

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with telling people. It’s the same as having an intimate ceremony. If people ask, just tell them, “Oh, we’ve decided to elope on a cruise!” (Don’t tell them which one or they might try to follow you). For people who would be invited to the reception, tell them about it! People may have questions (like how your families feel about you eloping), but I think a lot of them will think it’s romantic.

We’re eloping and I’ve told people that we’ll “probably just elope”. However,we’ve got the entire thing planned and a date set…we’re just not telling people. We’ve told a very few people but I trust them and know they won’t tell anyone. It will only be the two of us and I’ve hired a photographer so we’ll have pictures to share with everyone. 🙂

We eloped to Santorini. Our invitations to our reception was more or less a letter to everyone. It went something like:

Dear Flo,

We are tying the knot on the romantic island of Santorini whilst on our dream holiday of Europe. We have decided to have a private ceremony as a large wedding was not what we wanted as a couple. We would however love if you come and celebrate with us upon our return at:

X restaurant

X date

X time.

It will be a fun night of drinking dancing and delicious Greek cuisine, maybe even a little plate smashing