Welp i said what i was going to do and so behold! Giraffes! Plesiosaurs! Giant Sea Turtles! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY AFAT PUG!!!! (to apologise for the giant arachnid. Have fun slaying that thing.)

Mayura, (Peacock)

Gerfauntz, (Giraffe)

Niseag, (Plesiosaur)

Zaratan, (Sea Turtles/Archelon)

The Nope, (Whip Scorpion)

Grimble, (Pug)

There will be more (I know @shoddymoddy and @niklisson both want cat grimm). Honestly, I’d end up doing an entire post on prehistoric and deep sea grimm because that map of Remnant has a lot of water and many islands so naturally there would be grimm to reflect the animals in those environments.

A/N: I’m still unsure on if I want to put smut into this story. I mean, there will be smut in it at some point, but I’m not sure if I’m going to write it or just imply it. *shrugs*

The gentle roll of the ocean below was waking you peacefully from your slumber, your head burrowing deeper into the pillow. With eyes still closed, you stretched wide, each muscle gladly accepting the feel. At least until a large hand pulled you in closer to a warm body, a soft murmur groggily being spoken from Connor while still in a quiet rest. His words were inaudible as he shifted you against him, his other hand coming around to hold you. You wanted to melt, to wake him with a sweet kiss, but instead you inhaled sharply, the noise causing Connor’s grip to tighten. You couldn’t be doing this. No matter how good it felt, you couldn’t be doing this. Oh, but he smelled of nature and of the sea, of longing and of comfort. No, control.

“Connor.” You hissed, nudging his thigh with your knee.

He muttered something, his entire body turning so he could tuck his head into the crook of your neck. Despite your will to leave, you couldn’t help but react to the action, your body pushing itself ever closer to the heat of Connor. He sighed happily, the breath warm on your neck. You almost moaned, your teeth trapping your lip in between them to keep the noise from coming out.

“Connor.” You repeated, louder this time.

He stirred once more, lips moving against your skin as he spoke lowly, the words too quiet to hear. You couldn’t suppress the shiver that skittered down your spine, your hands fisting the material on his back.

Before you lost all semblance of control, you yelled, “Connor!”

That seemed to do it, his head moving away from your neck as two bleary, wide eyes looked to you, the normal chocolatey gaze darkened with exhaustion.

“(Y/N)?” His voice was husky and laced with sleep, his arms going limp around you.

Confusion followed by embarrassment flashed in his eyes, a red stain tinting his cheeks. Even with the look of mortification, he still didn’t move. You swallowed your pulse, watching the rise and fall of his chest for a moment before meeting his gaze. A flash of pink appeared as his tongue darted out to wet his lips, his hands momentarily strengthening their grip.

“Ratonhnhaké:ton,” you breathed, pulling yourself closer to him.

The hands that were looped around his neck were tugging lightly on the edge of his hair, eliciting a small groan from him. The seconds dragged on as you inched closer to his mouth, your body stopping its movements when you were only millimeters away. You really, really shouldn’t be doing this…

All caution was thrown in the wind as you pushed up, closing the gap between you. It was nothing more than a press of lips against lips, his chapped ones against you too frozen to move. You pulled away, releasing your worry with a breath.

“I-”

One word from him broke your restraint, your hands bringing his head back down to you. You rolled his bottom lip between your teeth, urging him to part them. He obliged hesitantly, his mouth moving cautiously against yours like he wasn’t entirely sure what to do. You took full control, leaving no inch of his mouth unexplored as you swirled your tongue around his, untangling your hands from his hair. Your newly freed limbs pushed on his shoulders, prompting him to lay back without disconnecting your lips. His low groan was lost in your mouth as you attempted to throw one leg over his hips, a hiss being soothed by his tongue at the sharp pain in your leg.

“Connor.” You pulled away, both of your hands now on his chest to restrain him. He paused immediately, waiting patiently for you to react.

You wanted to melt in his embrace, his unsurity the most adorable thing you’d ever heard. You didn’t think you could love him any more than you already did, but his need for assurance made you do just that.

“No, it’s,” you winced, shifting your weight back to one side, “my leg.”

You were torn between cursing your leg and thanking it. With each breath you took, control seemed to be coming back. But it didn’t stop the desire building in your core. You needed him. If your leg hadn’t caused you so much pain, you were more than sure that you would’ve kept him in this room for at least a day. The sympathy in his gaze was shining above the lust, his arms unwrapping themselves from you.

“I am sorry.” He said.

You sighed heavily, resting your head on his chest. His heart was beating rapidly beneath your ear, a hand coming up to tuck back some of your hair. Though he seemed unsure if his affection would be welcome, he did it as lovingly as possible.

“I can’t stop myself.” You admitted after a beat of silence, the tension overbearing.

There was no way you’d ever love anyone as much as you loved him. So why was it so hard for you to be selfish for one damn minute? Because you wouldn’t stop, your mind supplied. It had a point. You wouldn’t stop, you’d do everything to be with him. Hell, you already are.

“Why must you?” Connor’s voice held honest curiosity.

He didn’t understand the implications surrounding your predicament. If you were to mess up one thing, it could have apocalyptic effects. You had to be careful and he was making it way too hard.

“Because I l-” You stopped short, closing your eyes. You couldn’t tell him. You weren’t brave enough. Sighing, you continued. “I left my time behind. Everything that you’re living right now, it’s already happened for me. It’s been hundreds of years, Connor. If I mess with the past, I could change the future.”

Silence followed, the sound of Connor’s heart speeding up almost as if he was preparing to say something. You were readying yourself with a basic overview of the details of time travel when he asked his question, the inquiry taking you entirely by surprise.

“Because you what?”

Your body tensed, eyes opening to look up into his brown orbs. He was holding his breath, waiting for you to speak. The silence was deafening, a million excuses running through your head. You could lie, could tell him something else, could do anything. But instead of all of that, instead of getting out of it, instead of making it easier, you told him the truth.

“Isn’t it obvious?” You asked wryly, a bitter smile on your lips.

You wanted to run, the instincts you’d adopted long ago urging you to flee. You didn’t do emotions, you did action. Mustering up every bit of courage you could, you spoke again.

The models think they’re about to start their photoshoot when Tyra walks into the room. The models applaud wildly like they’ve never seen Tyra before, let alone five minutes prior when Tyra departed by saying something not-too-cryptic about how they never know when they’ll see her next. Not only is she back, she comes bearing important news. It turns out that when she’s not busy advocating for men’s rights, Tyra is also championing different kinds of necks.

If you believe her, everyone is calling everyone a No Neck Monster these days. First of all, there’s no way Tyra would actually be mad at people using one of the stupid phrases she invented - between “smize” and “tooch,” she lives for that shit. Second of all, no one is actually using that phrase. Hell, Tyra even forgot that she had coined that phrase last year and instead called a no-neck monster a “#WillieHunch” as I pointed out in this blog. If this blog in anyway contributed to Tyra remembering this temporarily lost ANTM term, then I apologize.

Out of nowhere, Tyra starts making bird noises and the models laugh super hard because Tyra’s jokes are the best! Do more of your bird impressions, Tyra! You should be a comedian! Tyra says that she’ll be using animals as examples to illustrate certain neck positions in modeling. Off-screen, Ramon is presumably faking a hand cramp so he won’t have to waste his time signing this nonsense to Nyle.

The first No Neck Monster is a turtle. Whatever, these models wish they were as cute as turtles. Next, Tyra shit talks iguanas since they can’t separate their necks from their shoulders. Yeah, what’s up with THAT, iguanas? And then there are gorillas. Don’t even get Tyra started on gorillas. Under no circumstance should you look like a gorilla in a photo… unless Tyra dresses you like a gorilla for a photo, in which case, you betta werk!

Suddenly, Tyra flips the script to say that some No Neck Monsters are good. #NotAllNoNeckMonsters !

Maybe she shouldn’t refer to them as monsters, then? (Speaking of monsters, that GIF tho…)

Tyra’s first positive example is a horse. Horses have manes that cover their neck, but you still know their necks are there. She gets Courtney to practically strangle herself with her own ponytail while applauding her effort.

When she’s finished, the adorably impressionable Courtney does a celebratory dance, saying she didn’t know how to do that pose before today. Uh, yeah, no one knew (or cared to know) how to do that pose before today. If you wrap yourself in a noose made of your own hair on set, the photographer is probably going to ask you to go home.

Tyra’s next good No Neck Monster is the owl. You can turn your head over your shoulder and still give the illusion of neck, see?

So much for being wise owls, though. These kids just look stupid.

Tyra may be knowledgable about necks, but she still manages to leave out a few key examples of cool animal necks. Like where’s the flamingo?

There’s no way Delanie would have gone home if she made her neck curved in two places to form an S. That’s just the kind of atypical beauty Tyra loves.

And how about the llama? That’s where you hide your neck under a neckbeardweave. It’s very high fashion.

The ostrich is good, too. That’s when a model has her head so far up Tyra Banks’s ass, but you can still see her neck. Gotta see the neck!

And finally, the camel. That’s when you elongate your neck to distract from the hump on your back. Come on, Tyra, you’ve done every other kind of sob story, what’s it going to take to get a person with a hunchback on Cycle 23? #NotTooTall #NotTooShort #NotTooHunchyDoo

There is one last animal with a good neck that Tyra name checks, but has the decency to not call it a monster: the giraffe. The giraffe is not just about having a long neck, it’s also about eating leaves.

At this point, I figured even Tyra was having a laugh with it, but no, she seems to honestly think it helps their modeling since she “feeds” Justin a leaf during his shoot:

Whaaaaaat?

That’s why I kind of like Hadassah. She has an alternately sour and disinterested face throughout the whole animal neck teach as if she can’t be bothered with a scenario this ridiculous… and that’s coming from someone who competes in beauty pageants! When Stefano asks if she’s going to try to be a horse, owl, or giraffe in her photo shoot, Hadassah acts like she can’t be bothered to use any of those poses. Stefano reminds her that Tyra obviously wants to see the animal necks after specifically teaching them, and Hadassah says:

This is such a great quote, especially coming from a woman who hates that people assume she’s dumb. Why should she have to use her brain anyway?

Stefano concludes that Hadassah’s “an idiot,” and while he’s not wrong, is she really any more of an idiot than someone who thinks she can pick up modeling tips at a zoo? I can’t imagine any of us are feeling all that smart after watching Tyra’s lesson on necks.