I thought a lot about Shinyung's post and how it reflected sooooo much about how I felt - my very Caucasian soon-to-be-fiance meeting my very Korean family.

We planned this dinner a few weeks ago and in the few weeks since, I've approached my father about my being re-married, built alliances with my unni, and taken my mom dress shopping. My StbF wants to "ask" my father for my hand in marriage before doing the proposal. But before approaching my dad and doing the proposal, he had to meet my sister (the oldest of my siblings) first. And before meeting my sister I had to explain some dynamics.

I'm not sure how much of the dynamics are Korean-related versus just my family's own quirks, but there was a LOT of explaining to do. There were basic Korean customs to explain (filial piety's role in our family life). And then re-explain given the Westernization of some of those customs (he's going to "present wooden 'marriage' ducks to my mom sometime before the proposal). Plus what customs/values may be more important in the eyes of my parents specifically than others (respect for family is #1, responsibility for the kids and I is apparently #2). . . Then there was the explanation of family politics: Who owes who money, who's mad at who for some slight, etc.

Though I was nervous, excited, unsure and confident about the whole situation, looking back, I know it was the right thing to do - Korean customs and family dynamics considered.

My father approved of his job (attorney), my mom thought he showed respect by eating a lot and not being picky, unni endorsed him after her heart to heart with him last week, my older brother was kind of quiet but polite, my younger brother and StbF share some common interests and talked about those interests, the kids were excited about introducing him to their cousins and my nieces and nephew want to know if they're getting new cousins.

And StbF hasn't run off.

What about you? What's your story?

--Angie in Texas has ordered a dress but has no officiant, venue, caterer, florist . . .

PS As per Korean politeness, StbF ate what was offered to him. He had some soup my parents pushed his way. When he asked what it was, I told him it was a stew made with "a variety of meats". I didn't have the heart to tell StbF he was eating tripe/chitlins. Should I tell him now?

The Kimchi Mamas

Keep It Spicy

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