Man to get tattoo because he is different

“And I suppose if anyone spotted my new tatts and assumed I was an MMA fighter, that might be quite cool. That’s not why I’m doing it though.”

A Reading man has decided to get a tattoo, because he is so different from everybody else, and will benefit in an as yet unspecified way from being able to demonstrate this visually.

Tim Twanks confirmed his plan this morning, telling co-workers that he had booked in a session at local tattoo parlour ‘Skininking’, to finally get the Japanese dragon on his chest.

“Actually I was quite surprised that there was a place that did tattoos so nearby, what with them being so rare,” said Twanks, “and even more impressed when I went in and they knew what a Japanese dragon looked like without me even having to describe it.

“In fact they already had a picture of one which the man said was popular. I can’t imagine it could be that popular though – so few people get tattoos these days.”

Twanks wants a dragon, because of his stated “long-standing fascination with Japanese folklore and myth”.

He plans to follow it up with a vaguely tribal looking squiggle over his shoulder and down his arm, but is waiting till he has the 20-inch biceps that he will develop soon after Argos deliver his new barbells.

“If I get the tattoo done now it would get all stretched when my arms tone up,” explained Twanks, “So I’ll just wait a few months and do it then. It’s going to look wicked, and totally unlike anything you’ve seen on anyone else.”

Co-worker Samantha Furcup said “It’s quite sad really. Tim is just another person hoping that an expensive, indelibly etched picture on his body is going to make up for what he lacks in personality. He also seems to think he’ll go from being the kind of weakling who struggles to lift boxes of photocopy-paper to suddenly looking like Jason Momoa.”

Twanks insisted however that such motivations had never entered his mind, adding “This is just for me; no one else is even going to see them. Unless it’s warm, when I might have a t-shirt on.”