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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Today, class, we're going to see an example of how other sugary foods can become Wrecks.

Here we have what looks at first glance to be a perfectly normal hamburger:

But check out the description sent to me by the "architectural foodsmiths" over at Bompas & Parr:

"The burger, known as the Monnow Valley Burger, is comprised of a hamburger patty with two slices of melted cheese, tomatoes, secret sauce and onions sandwiched inside a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed donut and garnished with a slice of gherkin. The Monnow Valley Burger contains up to 1000 calories and 45 grams of fat."Daaaang.

This is nuts! I mean, c'mon, "architectural foodsmiths"? They stick a Whopper in a Krispy Kreme, and they get to call themselves "architectural foodsmiths"? Really?

I guess in their defense, they also created this snazzy little number:

Now that I've whet your appetites, I'm sure you're demanding to know just where you can procure one of these culinary delights. Well, if you live across the pond you're in luck: they debut this Saturday, September 20th, at the Abergavenny Food Festival in Britain.

And here's the kicker: Bompas & Parr are billing the Monnow Valley Drive-Thru where the burgers are served as "the ultimate American eating and entertainment experience". So going by their press release, the "ultimate American experience" equals hotdog-eating-contests, theater performances in which the actors are dressed as "a flock of burgers", screenings of the movie Pulp Fiction, and of course thousand-calorie-donut-burgers.

Wow. So much to be offended by, so little time.

Actually, I'm kind of torn: this could in fact be brilliant satire, considering our American love-affair with gut-busting fast food and general idiocy. I mean, the show "Flavor of Love" alone should by all rights get us kicked back into the Stone Age, so if donut-burgers and hotdog-eating-contests are the Brits' way of poking fun, huzzah and well played. If, on the other hand, they honestly think Pulp Fiction and prancing flocks of burgers epitomizes US culture, then let me be the first to remind Bompas & Parr that we Americans may be fat, and have questionable taste in entertainment, but we can occasionally tell when we're being insulted. And furthermore, we don't like it very much. (Being insulted, I mean; not the other stuff.)

So there.

Many thanks to Bompas & Parr for the photos and info. Guys, I don't know if I should shake your hands or slap your faces. Maybe you should send me some of those donut burgers so I can make an informed decision.

And as for the rest of you: field trip over! We continue with our regularly scheduled Cake Wrecks tomorrow.

...Okay. This is... interesting. Living in the UK at the moment (for school), I have to say that this is more Scotland than U.S. -- after all, though many State Fairs will sell the deep fried Twinkies, they ORIGINATED in the UK, in Glasgow, probably.

As for this representing the ultimate American experience, I think there's a disconnect; people in the U.K. have trouble with the scope and size of the U.S. -- California alone could fit Scotland inside and still have room for England and Wales (but we'd have to leave out the islands). Instead of this being the American experience, maybe it's only, say... Memphis? I mean, don't you see Elvis eating that pork thing? With peanut butter, of course...

...but whatever else this craptastic architectural foodsmithing might be, it surely is not representative of American me.

why pulp fiction? that's one of my all-time favorite movies and there are a couple of hamburger references in it (Royale with Cheese and the Big Kahuna Burger). but there is also tons of swearing, killing and drug abuse. it's fun for the whole family!

I was reading along and I got the words Krispy Kreme and I threw up a little in my mouth. Not that I have anything against hamburgers or Krispy Kreme for that matter. But together, they sound positively vomit inducing.

RED ROBIN does the fried egg burger... my sons girlfriend got it and it was actually (OH dear will I actually say this) it tasted ok... I woudl nto want it but I had to taste it ya know... but to mix a krispy kream and hamburger... that should be illegal... ack

I see zeunasc beat me to this: I remember hearing about the Krispy Kreme burger a few years ago from the Gateway Grizzlies ballpark in Sauget, IL. Still haven't had a chance to try it, but since I have successfully braved poutine, I'm up for about anything.

Ultimate might be a bit off the mark but certain elements are very much references to US pop culture. I don't know about the UK but certainly I'm not aware of a permanent drive-in cinema in Ireland.

Pulp Fiction is probably just chosen as a film with a prominent burger reference, and also one where a certain age group will know a chunk of the dialogue more or less verbatim, ala Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Actually there's a thought somebody obviously came up with the idea for this event and needed a hook, "The ultimate something experience". What other word could you drop in there, Obesity? Elvis? There are enough elements in there that it's sufficiently recognizable, and using 'American' is a little more exotic than 'Milton Keynes'.

Perhaps they should have gone with "Morgan Spurlock" and shown "Supersize Me" instead.

Trust me though, I'm pretty sure that people know that not everyone in the US is like "The Simpsons", "Desperate Housewives" and so on including your choice of Quentin Tarrantino films.

I agree, I am not sure how I feel about the true American experience thing. Kinda insulted? But like you said, if it's suppose to be satire, then I'm all for laughing at our culture. We are a bit on the chubby side (myself included) and prone to enjoy no-thinking-required TV (my current fav is "Wipeout", but then again, I loved the Japanese original, so it's not like we're the only country to enjoy mindless entertainment)

Personally, I heart bacon and donuts, but I'm really not sure I want to eat them in the same bite. I tend to separate opposite flavors.

A regular Big Mac manages to pack the same 45 grams of fat into a mere 540 calories (suggesting that only 90 of its calories are NOT from fat, including the lettuce and pickle). And it doesn't even involve bacon or donuts.

I have always been a little curious about those deep fried Mars bars, though.

But wait, before we're too scandalized at donut-burgers epitomizing the view of American food from Britain, let's be glad they haven't discovered that REAL American favorite: Deep Fried Twinkies. Available at a fairgrounds near you!

And if you want to go for bonafide American weird food (just to balance the deep-fried Mars bars and Spotted Dicks): the Jimmy Dean Chocolate Chip Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick have been amusing the US blogging community for quite a while - and they are microwaveable.

I'm, uh, actually in Scotland currently (university study abroad). Maybe I'll have to pop down this weekend and see this for myself. And drag the other American exchange students, and maybe the Aussies, with me.

Under the Radar, I don't have the stomach flu, but I was feeling nearly as sickly as you are when I read this. Oh my goodness...krispy kreme and a burger. Yack!It reminds me of a sandwich at a resturant here in Huntsville, AL--Mason's. It's the Monty Cristo. (I think I spelled that right.) It's a ham sandwich, deep fried, with confectioner's sugar sprinkled on top, and served with maple syrup. My husband got it once just to try it. He said it was good, but too much to handle. I don't think he'll ever get it again.

My son has been making donut breakfast sandwiches for years. He doesn't use the Krispy Kreme's, he uses a local bakery donut, and puts sausage, egg and cheeese on it. He loves it. I have never tried it, I kind of like my donuts by themselves. Plus, I don't burn 20,000 calories a day like he does. (OK, I'm exaggerating, but he burns a lot.)

But love that Pulp Fiction, yes I do! I'll take a couple of helpings of that.

This post nearly made me vomit. I take this as evidence that I am a True American Patriot: Yes, I am going to a county fair next week where I will enjoy questionable entertainment and deep-fried foods, but this whole "Limeys Take It To Its Logical Conclusion" thing makes. me. sick.

The concessions guy at Yarmouth-Dennis Red Sox games does burgers in donuts (I think one is the burger on a DD old fashioned and the other a patty buried in a jelly donut, barrrarrarf), but he calls them the Hurler and the Sinker. Basically, he just doesn't take it as seriously as these people. :)

I have heard of these burgers before when I liven in NC (where if it ain't fatty or fried, but both are better, it ain't good) but I could never stomach them! In the burger's defense... it looks better than it sounds, without sprinkels of course!

Can your cholesterol levels increase by looking at pictures? Because I'm pretty sure that my body has just deposited a heaping load of it in my arteries. I don't particularly love doughnuts, nor am I a huge fan of burgers, but I eat both every once in a blue moon. Tolerable apart, but together...GAK.

Holy Smokin' Joes Batman! That is awesomely gross. It probably would have been much better on a Dunkin' Donut. Krispy Kreme is so over played. hmmm its kind of a train wreck... you know it may make you sick to look but you just can't help it....

My I-Hop breakfast: 2 eggs, sunnyside up, and bacon between two buttermilk pancakes with warm maple syrup poured over. And, yes, a butter pat, too. And a pot of black tea to clean the palate and bring out the flavor in each bite. Ymmm.

da mouse, the Monte Cristo is a classic sandwich that has been around for a very long time. Not my favorite, but hardly something new. Even Disneyland had a version at one of their restaurants in the 60's. It's that classic.

under the radar, did you know the raisinless version of spotted dick is called "Drowned Baby?" Ignore the name. It's tasty.

Deep fried Twinkies originated in Scotland, not the US, though we have definitely done our best to make it a national food.

I'd also like to say a word in favor of suet puddings. I may be American as apple pie, but I've loved a good suet pudding since early childhood when my mother made them every Thanksgiving and Christmas as a treat. You don't taste the suet. It's simply the form of fat used to make a moist, cakey treat that can be flavored with nearly anything you please. The suet gives a similar texture to the dessert as butter does in a cake, and the amount used is comparable. What you taste isn't suet, but whatever flavor the pudding is. Ginger is a personal favorite.

As for whether we're being insulted or not...I think this is actually a pretty good parody on a certain slice of American culture, and our culture is diverse enough that you really can't parody all of it at once.

But I'm not touching those burgers, which, as several readers have already pointed out, have been more than available here in the US for at least several years.

So...Krispy Kreme burgers, Quentin Tarrantino, drive-in movies...yeah, that's all American. The drive-in movie theater is all but gone, but it's a part of our heritage. It's nice of someone to keep the flame alive, even if they are in another country.

As disgusting as that may look, I can't help but think that it does combine salty and sweet... I'm willing to try it. I'm not saying it's something I'd order again (worrying about cholesterol levels and arteries seizing), but I wouldn't refuse a bite. Then again, I've had worse in my mouth(um... that came across worse than I intended.)

awww, I thought that was a beautifully executed hamburger cake. All glossy and shiny and pretty. You know, cake that looks like a hamburger. Not a meat cake. Gaag.

Then I read a bit. Now, I am the first to say that Krispy Kremes are so good I swear they have heroin in them they are so addictive. And god knows I loooove a good cheeseburger, have been known to drive 15 miles at midnight so shut a craving up. And I love the salty-sweet combo of GORP. But, keep thing in their places people!

Hate to tell them.....but it's not an original idea. The late singer Luther Vandross used to eat a hamburger that was about a pound of beef, sandwiched between two jelly donuts. Not a lot to question as to the circumstances of his early demise. :)

I think I might actually be OK with it, if the donut weren't glazed. That's what's getting to me, the thought of picking up my burger and getting frosting all over your fingers. Isn't the point of the bun supposed to be that it makes it a relatively clean finger food?

Not that I'd eat it, even then (I have enough trouble losing weight) but I'd at least understand it as something edible.

The "ultimate American burger experience" is to be stuck behind the wheel of a minivan stuffed with six kids in sports uniforms fighting over one video game. Once you have the "stage set" you arrive at the Sonic Drive In after dark when everyone is so cranky and tired that you make them all order the same thing so they won't fight over the food when it arrives. When the food comes you pay a gajillion dollars and then watch helplessly as sodas, catsup, and fries are ground into the upholstery and carpet by your offspring and their team mates.

That is the true American burger experience! At least for most of us! :)

I'm surprised you didn't bring up the infamous hamburger cake (http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=hamburger+cake). I ate one of these with a side of giant cake fries and a little ramekin of red icing (ketchup). Yum.

The chippy down my street in Yorkshire has an "Americana" pizza on the menu. Toppings? Tuna and Sweetcorn. You can't get a more British pizza than that (unless you added chips) and they call it Americana!!

Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: I present to you The Luther. A full pound of burger patty covered in cheese, grilled onions, five strips of bacon, all sandwiched between... Riley: Two donuts! Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Two *Krispy Kreme* donuts

Well, it IS American, because Paula Deen made this exact burger (on a Krispy Kreme) on a show within the last year or two. It was for a ladies luncheon. Guess we know where these "Foodsmiths" get their inspirations.... Food Network.

You can watch her make it here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y86j3fvViz4

@alison purnell - how amusing you bring up tuna and corn on pizza: they're two of the three Japanese pizza staples (the third is mayonnaise). Running a close fourth is shrimp, of course. The first food I ordered when I came home (after five years in Japan) was a big, meaty, fish- and corn-less pan pizza from Pizza Hut.

As for the Krispy Kreme burger, I'm all for it. Unless you plan to eat it all the time, eating something really unhealthy once in a while isn't going to kill you; and humanity has proven time and again that sweet and salty things go well together. If you want to deny it, what about those salted nuts-and-dried-fruits mixes? Sweet, and salty.

I've also had the opportunity to try a number of world cuisines and the "sweet" plus "meat" combo crops up surprisingly often, indicating to me at least that it's not universally revolting.

Maybe it's the form factor that makes the difference for people; chicken cooked in a sweet pastry sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon is a far cry from a half pound of beef stacked with cheese between two doughnuts :D

Hahah pregnant anonymous, I was JUST thinking that somewhere in the world a poor pregnant woman is craving that exact burger!As for them making fun of us, all I'm going to say is, if we get to have "traditional" Irish pubs with people dressed like leprechauns and English pubs called Sherlock's and make the waiters dress up like early 20th century dandies, they can make fun of our high caloric obsessions.

Please excuse this comment if it's a repeat of what someone else said. I unfortunately lack the patience to read all 99 of them before me.

This burger wreck reminds me of a much tastier version featured on (I think) the food channel that /was/ a cake (or dessert). It had a chocolate mousse "patty" in place of the meat, kiwi slices for pickles, strawberry slices for tomatoes, and cheese made out of a caramel-like candy made with passionfruit juice, to give it that cheddar color. All on a donut bun.

It's still a "no thanks, I couldn't fit out the door after eating that", but not quite as gross as actual meat and cheese on a donut. Ew.

After reading about the Krispy Kreme burgers a couple of years ago a group of us would not rest until we made them. Now, I don't eat meat, so I was only a witness, but everyone there said it was among the best things they ate and compared the experience to dipping sausage into your maple syrup and wrapping it into a pancake - in other words it was like a McGriddle without the egg. I believe it was rated higher than the deep fried mac and cheese (which was wrapped in bacon before it was fried).

Bompas and Parr organise rubbish events. I went to their 'Architectural Jelly Banquet' in London a few months back. They charged 5 GBP (10 USD) entry (fair enough), but then the jellies on display were not for eating, and if you did want any jelly you had to pay 2 GBP for the tiniest portion of jelly I've ever seen. The entertainment at the event was lame, the only upside was that a drinks company was doing a promotion where they gave you a voucher and you then got to stand in a queue for an hour to get a free drink. That was the most enjoyable part of the event.

It could have been such an amazing thing; I was bitterly disappointed. Avoid Abergavenny.

(to answer your question, they're probably being 'ironic' rather than taking the piss.)

Big fan here!! Just to say I really enjoy your blog and that it took a while to open your page today, it says there's an error on the website??? I hope it's just today because I like reading you everyday!!!

This reminds me of another similar horrible thing that I saw a while back. It's in a series called Paula Deen Is Trying To Kill Us:http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2008/03/paula-deen-is-trying-to-kill-us-part-4-bacon-donut-egg-cheeseburger.htmlDisgusting.

At first glance, I'm thinking 'kinda gross'. I'm not a big donut fan. But then I thought about it. I've eaten besteeya at my favorite Moroccan restaurant. It's phyllo dough stuffed with ground chicken, eggs, cinnamon, and almonds, and dusted with confectioner's sugar. When I first read the menu, my reaction was the same, however it is one of the best things I'v ever tasted. Ya never know.

Twistie - is suet pudding anything like fig pudding? Because that is one of the best things, IMO.

The Luther Burger was actually ORIGINALLY invented by the greatest R&B singer ever to have graced a studio and stage...Luther Ronzonzi Vandross.

The story (as told by him & by his mother after his death in 2005) goes that he was cooking himself a homemade hamburger when he realized that he didn't have any hamburger buns. He did, however, have a box of Krispy Kremes. So as a substitute, he used 2 doughnuts as buns. Thus, creating the famous Luther Burger.

Anyone else who claims to have invented this is a liar & a thief.

God bless you, Luther. Thank you for wonderful baby-making music. May you rest in piece.

Good grief. Wow. Just, wow. I sure hope they have some thick gravy milkshakes available to wash those burgers down! You can tell who's had one by the greasy brown mustache they have on their upper lip!

And a group of burgers is not a 'flock'. It is called a 'glut' of burgers. You're welcome.

Whenever a chap from Jolly Ol' Blighty (That's Great Britain) says 'pudding', they mean 'dessert that can be pretty much whatever from an actual US-sense of pudding to a cake-like thing'. The latter is closer to Spotted Dick (which is a shamelessly good dessert, and now I crave for some), and if suet is not your cup of tea or unavailable, substitute it with some butter.

That said, I once ran an analysis of Fool's Gold Sandwich (and Elvis Diet myth that accompanies it), and you can see the results of it from here:

I once saw directions, OTOH, for cute individual children's birthday party desserts made with sliced leftover pound cake, cut, arranged, and frosted to look like grilled cheese sandwiches. The article also suggested "french fries" made from sticks of fresh papaya as a side dish.

Check out the Luther Burger in Sally Sampson's book Recipe of the Week: Burgers (Wiley 2008). If you are so inclined, you can make a donut burger of your own!!! haha. According to the author, Luther Vandross invented / loved this burger.

i kinda want to vomit, but i have to say (and sorry if someone posted this already) that Jim Gaffigan should get royalties off the idea...lol...just reminds me of his joke from a few years ago ("Beyond the Pale" comedy special) of the "Donut Ham Hamburger"... even funnier now that it's a reality.

To Anonymous (the prenant one); Although somebody already mentioned it. Yeah, that was the first thing on my mind too when I read it. (Well techinacally it was the 2nd thing I thought because when I 'saw' it I thought Jen was going to say it was a cake. Boy was I wrong!)I was going to comment on whether or not it was a satire but ya'll commentators are to good man! (Tsk I had some real good comments too! And you would have loved it Jen it was short and to the point. Well [Shruggs]Rule Britanna! You stoled Indian curry, and co-opted German food, so hey you can't win them all! Better luck next time!Peace, Clueuin

The ultimate?????? What????? That, my friends, shows why we can't trust the Brits no matter how many wars they've sided with us. That statement is just plain insulting. I'll have you ignorant Limes know there are French restaurants in the USA too!

While most traditional British food is absolutely nasty, we can't make fun of their cuisine anymore because the Indians and Pakistanis have saved the food in that country.

I like that they modeled their food after a restaurant in GA that went out of business and a minor league baseball team that is using the Krispy Kreme burger as a ticket sales gimmick - because the team is hanging by a thread. I know when I'm looking for quality recipes, those are the sources I usually turn to ;D

Twistie,Thanks for the info. I had only come to know it at Mason's over here. Obviously, it's not anything new to deep fry and sprinkle sugar on anything now-a-days. :D And, I have to admit, I'm first to say "Hey, I want to try that...one day" when it comes to deep fried anything.

Please don't think that these pretentious jellymakers know anything about being American...they are only out to make a quick buck (excuse the pun). I am British (and living oh so close to Abergavenny) and they offend me! They are on the 'fringe' of the food festival where they belong. Flock of burgers! Ridiculous!

Architectural foodsmith? Good lord, I feel sorry for people who actually go through training to have anything to do with the architecture industry, only to be lumped with the kind of people who promote heart-disease for a quick dollar. Now where's my Krispy Kreme!?

My stomach is rolling... I can't get this expression off my face, either - it's the sort of expression that maggots typically provoke in people. Oh, my stomach... What an appetite killer those abominations are to me...

This is the sort of thing that makes me ashamed to be British. Ok, not quite, but you get my point. Perhaps I should just say that I'm English and point out that Abergavenny is in Wales. Abergavenny is also a small, depressed ex-mining town so we may have to forgive them for their culinary sins.

But anyway, British food is actually quite nice, contrary to popular belief. It's only because we had rationing in WWII and when the American GIs came they didn't much like the food that we had to make do with. But food HAS moved on since then! There's an American girl in my year who moved here 8 weeks ago. Whilst we're still trying to convince her about Twiglets, she is actually coping lol.

However, there are still pockets of utter terribleness. Like the time I went to Coalford, an incredibly depressing ex-mining town. I went into a coffee shop and asked for a piece of cake, which turned out to be stale (yum, yum), so I went to the bakery. When I asked for a sticky bun, it turned out to be a bread roll filled with squirty cream and half a glace cherry. *head desk*

Just for reference, the British invented Korma curry in Birmingham, which is now regularly served up in India (I've seen it with my own eyes).

ha. my mom and i actually saw the previously-referred-to paula deen episode where she concots a similar "brunch" item just this wewek, and we cannot stop talking about it. were were both sick and watching the food network, and we saw a "food to come" kind of clip of the burger right before a commercial break- i swear we argued throughout all the commercials with something along the lines of "that's not a burger" "yes it is, mom" "no, that's just too gross for words..." "but mom, it's PAULA DEEN"...Although she spices it up by placing the meat, egg and bacon between TWO donuts - no cutting corners for Mrs. Deen.

Just to counter the sheer hatred of Bompas and Par (who I think are pretty nifty)...I know its a while since this first came to air, but if you actually go on the Bompas and Parr website, they don't claim to have made the bugers as a new idea - they actually say "Visitors were treated to Luther Burgers" (http://www.jellymongers.co.uk/drivethru.html)

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