UnNews:Margaret Thatcher tragically dies 30 years too late

Baroness Thatcher's soul is now thought to be up in heaven, having passionate right-wing sex with that of President Reagan.

Socialists and members of the British poor mourned the belated death of Baroness Margaret Thatcher, several decades after such an event would have come in handy.

The former Prime Minister, who set about dismantling the working class by selling houses to the richer ones and forcing the poorer ones to stop digging for coal and starve to death, passed away peacefully after being gently laid upon a catapult and lovingly fired into the mouth of the River Thames.

Former adversary and union leader Arthur Scargill, told Channel 4: "It's cold bloody comfort. If she'd died in the 80s, before we shut down all our fucking mines, maybe that would have been something to celebrate, but today, well, I don't know, it's like when we killed Osama bin Laden or Saddam Hussein."

"What was it that Martin Luther King said? 'I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy.' What? He didn't say that? Oh bollocks, I've been quoting him on that for ages."

Baroness Thatcher's opponent in the Falklands War, Leopoldo Galtieri, said: "This is great news. Is what I would have said 32 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I am glad she is rotting in the ground, but I wish she'd copped it back in the good old days. You know, when Julio Iglesias was in the charts and Enrique Iglesias wasn't."

Instead of the normal state funeral, Britons are set to commemorate Thatcher's death by building bonfires and burning effigies of the former Conservative leader, but the general feeling is that the celebration will not as be as energetic as it would have been had it been held around the time of the poll tax riots.

Sociologist Joanna Corey explained, "Alternative comedians have been begging for the death of Baroness Thatcher for years, but now it's finally come, it's all a bit of a damp squib. It's probably how Iraqis will feel in a few years time when George W. Bush kicks the bucket."

Key Points in Baroness Thatcher's Life

1925 - found in vegetable patch in Lincolnshire.

1940 - discovers a Nazi pilot who has crashed into local field. Loses virginity to him, then shoots him dead.

2005-2012 - "I'm the Prime Minister, you know?" "Where's my purse? I think the nurses are stealing my things." "I didn't mean to put it [an electric kettle] on the stove, I thought it was a gas kettle."