Bobby Tells All: Volume 1

Several of you expressed a desire to hear things from Bobby’s perspective, and well – be careful what you wish for, because here you go. Behold Bobby’s first ever guest blog post, and remember: you did this to yourselves.

Confessions of an Epic Stepbrother (Gregory McGuire fans will like my play on words!) by Bobby

I have heard all the requests from my fans, begging asking for a blog post from MY point of view, and I’m here to deliver. FINALLY you all get to hear the real story behind Amanda, or as I refer to her (at the top of my lungs across the barnyard) “YO, CHANCE” – which usually gets me the finger. Don’t be fooled by her quasi-friendly blogger persona… she ain’t.

Amanda’s spirit animal

There are just so many stories I could tell that show the other, untold side of our Bobby/Amanda adventures…

like the washed up two-time Olympian becoming our wannabe bestie and clearly wanting to be MUCH more with Amanda (not mentioning any nationality hopping names)…

or the story of how the ‘Course Walks with Bobby’ came about…

or Pimp cups…

or Plastic tack (WHICH IS FABULOUS YA’LL)…

sponsor me, Wintec

But of all these delicious possibilities, I’ve actually decided to focus my first Tell All on the story of Texas Rose and Amanda’s big move up to Novice. Now she’s spoken of how bored she was at BN and pondered at great length the pros and cons of moving up to Novice at Texas Rose – she even had a couple blogs about it. She made it sound like Texas Rose was her great decision, and hers alone. Well, I am here to tell you that’s BS.

First of all, I harassed her and harassed her to go to Texas Rose and she told me no, due to a wedding she had to attend. It was a baseball themed wedding that was serving no cheese. NO cheese. I repeat: baseball theme, NO cheese.

Second of all, Amanda has many nicknames for me, but her favorite is ‘Sandbagger’. It’s not my fault I’m basically unbeatable at Beginner Novice. Knowing Amanda, the REAL motivation for moving up to Novice was for no other reason than to give justification to my nickname and to shame me into moving up as well. She’s been showing Henry for a much shorter time than I’ve shown Halo, so mission accomplished… she’s that calculated.

Well, needless to say Amanda went to TX Rose so you can see who won that one, although I’m not sure if it was because of my persistence or if she finally acquired too many t-shirts and felt the need to show them off to people. Either way, I am the one that deserves all the credit for a successful move-up, not her. We all know she’s a shitshow when I’m not around.

On August 29th I will go Novice at Corona – however, she threatened me with a throat punch if I am in her division. Why you so scared, CHANCE?

Hopefully the throat punch will come AFTER our ‘Course Walks with Bobby’ as I am not sure I can do head stands while coughing, and I wouldn’t want to let down my legions of adoring fans.

Thanks for stopping by, Bobby! I look forward to more entertainment and guest blog posts in the future. Hopefully sometime I make it down to visit my sister who now lives in Austin and can meet the dynamic duo of Amanda and Bobby.

LOL I’m snorting in my office over here. I think Bobby needs a regular guest spot. Also wtf is up with that wedding? I have been to some pretty awful ones, like the one on the beach in NOVEMBER or the Halloween-themed one where a guy in a dog costume humped my leg… but I draw the line at no cheese.

I’m pretty sure EVERY appetizer at the wedding I just went to had cheese. They even had an entire “serve yourself cheese!” table while we drank cocktails and waited for the newlyweds to reemerge from the second round of photos. They knew what was up.