When I Finally Realized ‘Normal’ Wasn’t The Same For Everyone

Sometimes we as individuals have to hit rock bottom before we realize how far we’ve fallen.

I hate the word normal. There’s no such thing. What’s normal to me will be abnormal to someone else.

Remember growing up in what seemed like a perfectly normal household? I’ll bet you’ve had at least one conversation with a friend since then who thought things were strange. Maybe it was the way you had dinner or the way you celebrate winter holidays or your evening rituals before going to bed that seemed a little off.

Abuse victims often feel this way too. They may not recognize their abuse because to them it’s normal. It’s the way their life is every single day, and it can take an extreme act or exposure to different ways of living to make us realize how subjective the word normal is.

I’ve known a good friend of mine for several years now. We’re the kind of friends who have helped each other move, crashed at each other’s places when we had nowhere to go, cried on the phone with and more. We’ve been emotional pillars for each other for quite some time.

Casually in conversation I mentioned how I’d never feel comfortable imposing on her if I had a flat tire and I needed to call someone. She stopped me dead in the conversation to stare at me and ask with genuine incredulity “Why not?”

Frankly by my mind’s tally I’ll never do enough to deserve favors from anyone. Because my brain counts any act of friendship from someone as an undeserved favor.

I may have depression for the rest of her life, I know being fat means I’ll never be conventionally attractive.That’s part of why it’s difficult for me to gauge if someone is genuinely interested in me or not. Maybe they’re just being nice, or they’re just curious.

My ego isn’t as bad as it was before, I have far fewer days where I consider myself unworthy of a partner. I spent so long normalizing this concept of me being undeserving when it comes to good things and positivity and it became routine which can be painful to break.

For example, just because you know biting your fingernails is both bad for you and unnecessary doesn’t mean you know how to quit right away.

To realize this has taken took me years to figure out. I’m 32 years old and I am just now realizing I’m allowed to be a little selfish.

People need to realize that they can say no. When I feel exhausted, I take time for myself and am allowed to want things. I can tell people I want things and be supported by those who care about me.