Marie-Eve In Montreal

I’m so excited to introduce our newest wedding graduate, Marie-Eve. Marie-Eve has been reading this blog for a loooonnnnngggggg time, and she has her feet firmly planted on the ground. I’ve been waiting and waiting for her to graduate, because I knew deep down that she would have words to say that would be so wise they would ease my soul. And, of course she did. This one is long, but read it all the way through. It’s smart.

My husband Martin and I live in Montreal, Quebec (and are native French speakers). As is quite common in our -fairly laid-back and progressive-culture, we kept marriage for last in our life equation, after spending several years together, buying a house, and welcoming a son, who is now 2. We got engaged in May 2008 in New York (Bryant Park), and immediately after came up with this idea of marrying in that city we both love in September 2010, bringing our closest relatives and friends for a long weekend while giving them enough time to plan, schedule, and finance the trip.

But as the months went by we became a bit disenchanted with this plan, for several different reasons, two of which being that we couldn’t bear to wait that long, and that the economic crisis made us wary (neither us or our guests have been affected yet but who knows how it could be next year?) In January of this year, we went there to do some scouting and realized that the plan wasn’t working so well after all, financially and logistically.So we scraped it and toyed with the idea of eloping for a while, before admitting that we wanted our loved ones near us after all, even if it was clear from the beginning that we needed to do things our own way. In February during a weekend in the countryside, we passed by an orchard that produced this ice cider I love, and spontaneously decided to ask them to have our wedding there during the blossoming time of the apple trees. They had never done it and were hesitant, but they still invited us over for a visit in mid-March, and I guess we were convincing enough. Everything was confirmed during the last week of March, with a wedding planned on May 17. So this gave me about 7 weeks of “active” planning! But by then I was prepared and already had things pretty much figured out. The invitations were in the mail within three days.I guess our first and clearest instinct was always not to be afraid of doing things “differently,” and never forgetting that this was nothing more (or less, or else) than making what we already had official. Our budget was tiny, more because this was what we were willing to spend on a party than because this was what we could ultimately afford. We knew we didn’t want a big, formal affair, we are not big party-into-the-wee-hours people, hence we did want good music, but not necessarily dancing. Everyone around us has kids, so an afternoon cocktail party (as opposed to a long sit-down dinner) seemed just right. We wanted a wedding that “looked and felt like us” (and wasn’t cookie-cutter) more than anything, and hoped that it could also be a pleasant, unique experience for our guests. We’re kind of foodies, and are surrounded by people who also are, so we put the emphasis on that and had the orchard prepare a wonderful tasting of their products, as well as gift baskets for guests to take home.It was never really about the budget, which, it’s been said before, is always so subjective anyway. We had a ballpark figure, and were simply confident that we would make things fall around it (we did). I never considered that this budget was limiting. The only real limit I felt was the 40-guest count imposed by the venue, because there were a few more people we would have wanted there, but at the same time it was a bit liberating -like it had been taken out of our hands- and a great way to keep costs down. Rather, I saw the budget as a great challenge. How far could I go with this money, how beautiful and memorable of a wedding could I pull off within these means?Here’s what I came up with:

Focus on what counts (for you; it can widely differ from bride to bride), and pare down. You can pick and choose within all the rituals and traditions. We didn’t have a wedding party, a bouquet toss, an official introduction, a congratulatory line, a first dance, or even an aisle or an altar. These were meaningless to us, and while I understand that some people need them in order to feel properly married, we just didn’t, so why bother?

Look for alternatives. Don’t listen when anyone tells you that you simply have to spend this and that much on something. You really don’t. In fact, you don’t have to do anything that does not feel right to you, or that makes you feel financially uncomfortable. You could say I have a twisted mind, but I systematically looked for vendors and resources outside the wedding world. In my opinion, they always provide a better value and a refreshing perspective. Even if they’re not super experienced with weddings, it’s still their job to get it right when you explain your vision to them. It really paid off for us: among other things, our photography was really inexpensive, as we hired this couple we knew were good but were not pros, more like well-equipped serious hobbyists with an artistic eye.

DIY and delegate. Trust yourself, it’s not that scary! I don’t want this to be about bashing the WIC, but its main two things I did not feel OK with were that it tends to take advantage of a very deeply-rooted, purely emotional side in people, and that it tends to make you feel like a helpless person who can’t (take their own decisions, achieve the vision they have on their own, think outside the box). Well, smart ladies, you can. We DYIed a lot of things: my mom altered my ($65 online-bought) dress and made my sash, we designed and printed our invitations, I crafted my headpiece, I arranged the flowers, and my mom and I spent the day before making tasty hors d’oeuvres. This was not only budget-friendly, but also a great sanity saver in my case. Doing this gave me a sense of control and satisfaction that prevented me from freaking out several times. A lot of people told me: “You did all of this and did not feel stressed?” But to me doing this was actually helping to curb my stress, and I wanted to do this, I needed to do this. Gardening and being surrounded by flowers is one of my favorite things to do, so why would I let someone else take care of it? My mother and I always have a lovely time cooking and baking together before every birthday, holiday and occasion, so why should this one have been different?

Be selective in your inspiration. I was all for wedding p*rn. But there is a point where it just becomes too much. Magazines, websites and blogs that made me feel bad/mad/mean/gave brides a bad rap/made me wondered if they were a joke: OUT. Online community of support by fabulous like-minded brides who not only made me feel happy to be one but also proud to be an unabashedly girly girl, thinking woman and feminist that happens to be interested in weddings: IN.

Other miscellaneous advice: do not overlook the ceremony. We had a civil one, quick and to the point, but still wrote our own vows and made everyone promise out loud that they would support us in our marriage (my favorite part). Do not forget that a beautiful/interesting/unique location sets the vibe without you having to lift a finger and generally simplifies your job a lot. Try to find a middle ground between this day being about you and about your guests. Even on a budget, don’t feel like you need to justify a few splurges (OK so I had the least expensive dress ever, but I got ludicrously pricey shoes that made me feel like singing when I put them on and provided the whole color scheme for the wedding). Coordination the day of is crucial -this is the one thing I would do differently, have someone come in early and set things up. Instead my groom was alone there to take care of everything (including our kid), a bit frazzled and freaked out, while I was getting prepared and was stressing because I wasn’t there to help. Of course it was all OK in the end, but I wish I would have spent this little time before with him, being relaxed, chatting with people, instead of taking care of “stuff”.

Did I stress over the process? I wish I could say I didn’t, but that would be a big, fat lie. I became a nervous wreck in the weeks before, when nothing seemed to go according to plan -we had booked a honeymoon in Mexico and the flu scare arose (in the end we decided to go anyway and are really glad we did), the photographer was unreachable, my groom had terrible seasonal allergies and was barely functional, and the orchard told us the wedding would be just a few days too early for those blossoms. Boy, those blossoms! Did I obssess over them! And as I made peace with the fact that they would not make an appearance, three days before the wedding, the orchard updated their predictions and told us that it was in the bag.The day was over very quickly, so in the end I’m really glad I did not lose my mind over it, spend an outrageous amount of money on it, or waste half of it posing for pictures. When I look back at it now, I think we succeeded in infusing our personalities into our wedding, and to communicate the genuine, sheer love and joy we shared. This still brings tears to my eyes, because really it’s the only thing that matters. We are really grateful for each one of the guests who came (even all the way from California!), but for both of us, having our son present at our wedding and making this the celebration of a family, especially, was one of life’s most precious gifts.

A lovely graduate post, just kept nodding at each point she made. Thanks Marie-Eve, congratulations your wedding looked beautiful.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/09526722516550185150 Meg

There are so many of you Canadians here…

http://www.blogger.com/profile/10276075762993940219 The Professional Bridesmaid

SO lovely. I'm a follower of Marie-Eve's blog and so excited that you featured her. Thanks! Yay for CDN brides.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/06272654565469914998 sam

This is exactly what I needed to hear today. We spent most of yesterday evening going through the guest list. Over and over… and over again. Our venue limits us to 100 guests so we've "cut" a lot of people.Thanks for the reminder of what we're trying to accomplish… a beautiful, intimate wedding with the people closest to us who will support our marriage and remain a part of our lives.What a beautiful, inspiring wedding.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/09983423504224711285 Ms Bear Cub

This is such a wonderful post. I love weddings like this :)

Sherry

Great pictures and you both look so happy. And you got your orchard in bloom!

http://accordionsandlace.wordpress.com/ accordionsandlace

Hooray for a fellow Montrealer! Love the chill tone of this post, and everything looks so beautiful (the flowers!!!!). Felicitations!

http://www.blogger.com/profile/04952365662101011486 Amy

What a beautiful wedding (and bride!).. thank you so much for sharing. My guy and I have been engaged for ages but for us it doesn't make practical sense for us to go ahead with the day, so we're just being happy in our lives together. Thanks for the reminder that our wedding will be about celebrating our bond with each other.. and reaffirming the commitment we have already made in our hearts.

And APW – I just found this site a few days ago, and already have found so much inspiration. Thank you. This IS what it's all about.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/09719798812778250015 Nicole

It sounds like a beautiful wedding. Yay Canada!!

I love the part about everyone agreeing out-loud to support them in their marriage.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/01700457827313769438 Manda

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Your wedding was gorgeous and inspiring….And also, your son is soo adorable! :)

http://www.blogger.com/profile/06529652450620062626 K

Beautiful wedding, and a beautiful celebration of their little family, too. â™Ľ

I chuckled at the stress about the blossoms; I was stressing about rain the week of our wedding, until I realized all we needed were umbrellas. :) The things we worry about for no reason; if only we could see it at the time!

http://www.blogger.com/profile/00174894872050076618 Marie-Ève

Thank you so much, wonderful ladies. Meg didn't know that, but today is my birthday and all your fantastic comments are totally making this day unforgettable.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/12977525202055990615 MaryKate

This wedding is beautiful. She looks so happy, the venue is perfect, and her son is adorable!

And those SHOES! Fabulous.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/05750659066802561501 Erika

Congratulations! Your wedding looks soooo happy and relaxed. I think it's great that you were able to change gears from your original plans and create something intimate, beautiful, and meaningful. Also, your dress looks like a million bucks and the shoes are fab-u-lous!

http://www.palatetopen.com Jen

Marie-Eve's reflection gives me the sense of peace I've been seeking since we postponed our wedding for financial reasons. As we inch toward what would have been our date (June 20), I've been slightly dismayed. Yet, after reading this post, and admiring Marie-Eve's sentiments, I am feeling better about "the pause." Just as their plans fell fatefully into place, ours will too. Many thanks to you and very happy congratulations!

http://www.onebarefootbride.blogspot.com One Barefoot Bride

I love the idea that projects for the wedding relaxed you – because you *wanted* to do them – rather than stressing you out because you felt that you *had* to do them. Crucial advice! Thanks for the reminder… and thanks for sharing your gorgeous wedding! HOT shoes!

http://www.blogger.com/profile/00650933140736435170 Giggles

I love that she said she did things DIY to help avoid stress rather than cause it. I'm planning on some DIY projects to keep my hands busy so I don't go crazy.

April

Beautiful. The words. The wedding. The photos. Just GORGEOUS. I want to leap into that orchard picture.

That she pulled this all together in a mere 7 weeks is incredible, too! They look very happy in the family photos.

Cate Subrosa

The bit where we had our loved ones promise to support us in our marriage was one of my favourite bits too :)

Marie-Eve, you are fabulous. Not only was this post choc-full of excellent practical advice, it was full of the love and meaning you poured into your wedding.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/07577275563094994982 Daphne

I smiled while reading about the ice-cider. My fiance said a few months ago, "I'd be really happy listening to the White Stripes and drinking a crown and coke at our reception." So we went with it (ours is a more adult affair) as our signature drink, along with other favorite things we want to add. And my planning has been, dare I say fun at times, since then. I can picture him at our reception smiling and laughing, with his head bopping. Cheers to you and your lovely family!

http://www.blogger.com/profile/17599223416157604698 Arden

Beautiful wedding. I absolutely love the final photo.

Emilie

A wedding from Montréal! Long time reader, first time commenter. I am from Québec too, but I currently live in Australia (my partner is from there). My fiancé and I decided to come back to Québec to get married. Organising a sane wedding is one thing, but organising it from the other end of the world is a whole new challenge. This orchard wedding looks great and reminds me that it is possible to have a gorgeous and "real" wedding in Québec too. It even gives me hope that my idea of a "cabane à sucre" (sugar shack) wedding might not be doomed to fail! I can't wait to browse Marie-Ève's blog so that hopefully I can get ideas and local tips. Thanks heaps!

http://www.blogger.com/profile/14875846226565988171 turtlebird

so lovely!! those were some welcome words of wisdom, and she looks absolutely stunning! thanks for sharing!!

http://www.blogger.com/profile/16286642260547751326 Ms. Pony

LOVE this wedding! I love seeing smaller weddings- I felt like we were the only ones keeping it under 50 when we planned it, and that was fine with me, but its still nice to see others going our way!

http://www.blogger.com/profile/16826856044690823004 iheartkiwi

i love that they didn't feel the need for an "aisle"/ formal seating… i would feel perfectly comfortable making an entrance with everyone else!

i pitched the idea to my family and fiance… and was promptly shot down.

i'll just live vicariously through this lovely lovely wedding.

Anonymous

Very nice what you wrote..you are wonderful person and so sensible to the real things that count in life..Que seas muy feliz !!

Ana Laura

MegsDad

Marie-Eve, what a beautiful wedding, so full of love and common sense. Martin must be a wonderful man to have your love. My blessings and love to the three of you.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/00188808082592337851 Jenna

So sweet! (and I think Marie-Eve looks a lot like the actress Rose Byrne)

Beth

So excited to see an all yellow bouquet in action! I’ve always loved daffodils and want to carry just a big bunch of them…but I keep fretting about whether I need another color to break it up–but you cinched it for me…solid color = gorgeous. (Not to mention that’s my style!)