Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

John has an interesting style of writing. I am curious where he is from.

Continental Europe somewhere -- I'm not sure which country unless I missed it -- would be nice if folks her filled out their profiels -- I don't think the CIA is on AIDSmeds seeking out barebackers. What's up with people feeling they can't state where they live, if even just the nastion or region of a country -- and AGE please and birthdays!. His English at times is passable, other times not so much. But I'm semi dyslexic I think as my HIV terrorizes my cranium so I'm the last to sit on high and critique.

John were do you live and for how long. What is your age. Are you divorce...children... so many variability. You can address many of them if you apply yourself and surround yourself with LOCAL support groups and one-on-one cognitive behavioral therapy, and not just a few visits by monthly visits for at last a year, ad you find issue that predate HIV...I know I do

Honestly, a thread can only stay alive for so long before people start repeating themselves. Another thing, if you would've stepped up awhile ago instead of being quiet as you put it then your thread wouldn't have gotten hijacked as much as it has. I think you liked the attention it has gotten even when being hijacked. While others have tried to stay on point with your topic, there isn't really much left to be said no matter how you try to reword it. Let's be real.

For the record, I know all about the ignore feature in these forums, I choose not to use it. Why? Because I don't like to miss anything whether it be a smart remark or comical drama. But even with those responses I tend to learn something from them so I rarely bypass anything. If I would've simply bypassed your comment then I would have missed your comment of....."My aim is not to keep this topic alive, just to keep it alive Ok ? Am I clear ? And I even learned something from that which is YOU MAKE NO SENSE. I will continue to monitor this thread until it is locked which will be coming, trust me. If it is not locked then at least I can have a laugh.

If this thread keeps going in the direction it has, it's going to end up being locked and don't be surprised if a few people get time outs as well.

I'm warning the majority (but not all) of posters in this thread. If you have nothing constructive to add, open and read some other thread. Cool your jets, everyone!

Ann

John has been getting some constructive feedback since I wrote that. If the pair of you don't like this thread, stay out of it. If I catch either of you in this thread again posting anything other than an apology to John, you'll be timed out. You will also be timed out if you go into other threads to give John a hard time. Enough is enough. Please consider yourselves warned.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

It's quite apparent that English is not only NOT John's first language, he also doesn't have a very good handle on it. Even I have been confused by some of what he has said but I still think he's honestly here seeking answers and support.

John, it seems to me that you're probably very much in the closet, so to speak, with your status. I haven't really figured out if you're straight, gay or whatever. If you have nobody to talk to about this HIV stuff face to face, it's going to be really rough for you. I don't just mean your doctor either. It might help if you try steering conversations with your friends and family into the HIV direction just to see how they think and feel on the subject. It would help you figure out whether or not you want to disclose to them at all. It helps when disclosing if you know how they felt about the subject.

Sometimes it's as simple as watching the Television News or sharing a news paper article with someone you know and when an AID's related news article comes along, say to your friend/family member "What do you think about that AID's stuff?" or "How do you feel about that news story?" Getting a dialog going with people you know will soon let you know whether they're capable of accepting a disclosure of your status to them.

I could give you anecdotes all day of how people have reacted to my own disclosures but they really don't help unless you know how to disclose. The first step to disclosure is to get the subject talked about. This will allow you to decide if it's safe or not to tell anyone.

First off, I'm sorry you had to deal with what went on in this thread. I've had no problem reading your posts and understanding most of them completely. In fact, some of your words ,put together in your way ,read beautifully.

I tested positive, and dealt with it on my own with the help of these forums for a good year-year and a half, before I was actually comfortable enough with myself to be able to go out with friends and have a good time. It's a process we all have to go through, and the time frame is different for all of us.

I started going out again, met a guy, went on a date or two, no sex, and decided he wasn't for me. About a month later I met another guy, we went out a few times, and started seriously dating. Within a month, again no sex, I found that I could trust this person enough to tell him my status. Of course he was starting to wonder why we weren't being more intimate, and I decided I couldn't wait any longer to tell him. He was a little shocked at first, but didn't express it. We talked it out, and we've been together for about 9 months now. He loves me immensely , I love him, and he just tested negative at his annual physical last week.

I hope this little bit of information helps in the forming of your own views of love and disclosure. Like many have said there are many different stories to tell. I've been lucky so far.

Many people no longer post much here anymore, and this thread is proof why. I hope you can see through the crap, and continue to post your thoughts, feelings, and questions long enough to become comfortable with yourself as HIV positive and get on with your life. This place and it's members were a Godsend when I found it, but unfortunately it's become a nice place to visit, but I don't want to live here.

That's a beautiful story, Paul. The hard thing is that one feels isolated and to break through that you have to open yourself to somebody and that is frightening because you become very vulnerable. But if you're searching for somebody I guess it's the only way to go. Until now I couldn't. But last week I met someone who has Parkinson's and he didnt have the option to hide it, so I discussed my Hiv with him : what a relief.

What's sad is that those of us who speak English as a first language have our own difficulties in expressing what we're going through and feeling because of HIV. Take that and magnify it by a language barrier and then stop and think before responding to someone who's struggling not just with HIV but with a foreign to them language to describe how they're feeling.

Many people no longer post much here anymore, and this thread is proof why. I hope you can see through the crap, and continue to post your thoughts, feelings, and questions long enough to become comfortable with yourself as HIV positive and get on with your life. This place and it's members were a Godsend when I found it, but unfortunately it's become a nice place to visit, but I don't want to live here.

The last time I counted there are more people posting here than ever before. I also want to point out there are forum members who come out of the lurking woodwork to chastise others by using feigned concern as a cover. Trying to settle old scores. If people don't like the forums or it's members, move along.

Ann posted her warnings about the thread and it should have been left at that.

I look to insist, but is there among you people who have take the risks to meet a HIV-negative person, and who have announced their illness ?

And if so, was this going well? If not, was it because the disclosure came too early, too late?What does your partner says about your disclosure?

A bit like someone who start with HAART, and who is concerned about the side effects.And if a majority of stories end badly, better stay between HIV-positive could be my conclusion.

I try to evaluate this risk, because disclosing my status to the person I'm thinking to is not a small affairs.It might work, but if it fails, it will be the first person in my environment to know.So before acting, better ask around here no?

Someone posted waaaay back here that if you had trouble dating before you were poz (or not) then most likely it would be the same after. I kind of agree. If you were assertive in finding dates and kept trying before, you could certainly continue to try after diagnosis. I agree, though, from what I have read in Poz over the past months, HIV IS a life-changing diagnosis. I agree that people may shy away from seeking love.

I have not. It hasn't been easy, but I have always taken the challenge. I didn't want to be alone, and I felt, that despite the HIV, I still had a lot to give someone in the way of love.

Since my husband died in 1996, I have probably dated 50 different guys. Forty-eight of them were negative, only two pozzies in the mix. NO, I didn't sleep with all of them! LOL Some didn't make it to the second date, because as I learned to live with this virus, I also learned that I didn't have to settle for a bottom-feeder in the dating world. I also learned that dating was healthy for me socially, it kept me going and gave me more confidence which I really needed. I also learned that I didn't have to date someone who wasn't my type for fear of no one else wanting me. I kept trying and trying, and God help me, TRYING. I was rejected, dejected, walked out on, even scared men away before I disclosed because I am a strong-minded person. THAT is the ONLY thing that has helped me to find the love I enjoy today.

My BF is negative, he saw me on Match.com and emailed me. I disclosed on the 3rd date in early November.

I understand that this post has been "heated," but I really wanted to share my experience here, in hopes of giving others HOPE. "No one will know you exist unless you try." Yes, the guys out there in Dating World were pains in the ass before diagnosis, and they still are, believe me. 2007 was a whirlwind of disappointments in the dating dept., but the GFs in the Dating Thread know that I kept my chin up, even despite having health problems and no job.

Whatever the original intention of this thread, I am going to make a decision it's gone on long enough. It's not a question that gets "solved." There have been exchanges of opinions including with some with more vitriol than is good for the general health of all.

I'm locking this thread now and trusting that if anything more needs to be said it will surface in a friendlier climate. And please don't misunderstand that to mean I am suggesting beginning a new thread. I'm definitely not.