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Co-op to combine food and funeral services

The Co-operative Group is to unite its food and funeral divisions into its new Fooderial Services division. ‘Home delivery services are popular with consumers, but we have no suitable vehicles, so we have decided to make better use of the wait-time of our hearse fleet to deliver food supplies to busy householders,’ said Co-op boss Martin Stevens.

Fooderial Services will deliver the full Co-op range of food and will also take away problematic expired relatives once sufficient space has been generated in the delivery vehicle, especially if it is delivering a sofa or new bed to the household before noon, in its new ‘Mourning Deliveries’.

Rival Tesco said that the BBQ products sold by Co-op Fooderial Services may be of suspect provenance, especially on afternoons when the crematoria are at full capacity. As an alternative, it is offering ‘Burial by Post’ service in partnership with DHL. The offer includes 500 fully cooked sausages for the post-funeral get-together.