Biologists Synthesize Bionic Superman Drink

BOWLING GREEN, KY - Biologists at BGU have synthesized a hormone that triggers temporary mutation of the human body into a super-strong green monster. The new compound is simple to make in a kitchen, and will probably be outlawed soon.

TheSpoof gained an exclusive audience with the team of scientists who explained that it is simple to mix up, and you don't have to buy a lot of over-the-counter drugs also too!

All you need to mix up a batch are five pounds of pure aspartame, a gallon of coffee, a gallon of carbonated water, and a quart of green food coloring. Mix the solution until all the white powder dissolves, then heat the mixture to 200 degrees F. Allow to cool prior to drinking.

Best to mix with snow from Alaska. It is said it not only increases strength, but mental powers also too. It also aids in being able to see Russia from your house also too.

The effects wear off in a few hours and you go back to looking like yourself again. I've killed several bears with my bear hands after drinking up a batch. Want some? Eh?

Make Aspartame Boy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

Pasadena, California - Scientists studying new imagery from the crashed Rosetta probe have described Comet 67P as an enormous chunk of artificial masonry, part of the legendary - and exclusive! - Royal Martian Crematorium, a sort of ancient alien Cre...

NASA experts, have concluded that this universe was created by advanced life forms that live outside of the universe.
"We have found conclusive evidence of their existence," said Ellen Stofan, NASA chief scientist.
While mission control, was c...

Researchers at Trent University have found a way to reach back in time and listen to ancient civilizations in their most public and private moments.
This startling breakthrough comes shortly after researchers at MIT learned how to "hear" through...

In a press release today, the Cleveland Clinic in conjunction with several other teaching hospitals around the country announced that they had successfully implanted I-Pads in human fetus!
"What is amazing," said Dr. T. J. McCorkle of The Clevela...

Siberia, Russia - An ancient Siberian mummy has tested positive for a cute cannabis deficiency.
MRI scans reveal it 'dislocated her joints' and blew her skull wide open high up in the Altai Mountains circa BC500.
The remains were discovered p...

Scienceville, CA-Scientists were shocked to find, after years of study, out that the atmosphere of the planet Venus is healthier than the atmosphere on Earth.
The atmosphere of Venus, which is primarily Carbon Dioxide (CO2) with traces of Nitroge...

Theoretical planet, Planet X is again making headlines despite the fact that there are curious discoveries on other real, existing planetary bodies.
Planet X, also known as Nibiru (another cool sounding alias), is an undiscovered enormous planet...

Many early adopters of Apple's new iPhone6 are finding the lightweight aluminum frame combined with a tight pants pocket can actually cause the phone to bend.
Users are noticing bending near more vulnerable spots, such as near the side-buttons.