i seek something more, something elusive, like silver sand. now I think I found it, and there, its gone again.

goodbye again

i had saved up months of longing, of patiently waiting, of missing youi spoke to noone about youi spoke to noone about anything that mattersi collected each tear-ghost, each bastard-wish,that i had no right to make, that came out of nowhere,each night, spent awake, counting sighs that i didnt sigh,and when the weight of it all grew too much,when it threatened to tumble and fallthen out of nowhere, your voice rang outonce again, in the middle of the night, in the dark room,i huddled on the floor cradling my phone, delicatefragile, fleeting, the most precious of connectionshow did you know i had been callinghow did you know i was giving up?or on the verge.i borrowed you back for a few secondsi crammed it all in, packing time best i couldbut efficiency was never my fortei rambled uselesslysilly songs i had heard, that had made me think of you and smiledecisions i had madepaths i had chosenbut there was still so much to saybefore we timed outand so much to not sayso much you can never sayand this too, that i never thought you didnt get in touch last year because you "felt odd"yes. it was the worst time of my lifein a way, it still isshe took a lot with herso many thingswhatever you had left behindmost of that she took awaynow there are just a few things leftlike the laptopan obscure referencebut maybe you'll get itbut maybe its for the bestwhat would i say had there been the time and chancei'm sure its for the bestanyway. what will be marker this time?from veer zara to umrao jaan :)