Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I am an adrenaline junkie. I thought it was running, and I think it mostly is, but after getting back into spin class...listening to blaring music, like Sandstorm by Darube and Rob Zombie, listening to the instructor yelling out instructions for the next drill, as sweat is running down my entire body, and my breathing is heavy and I'm feeling a little dizzy....HOTT I know, I wonder if it is the actual running or the adrenaline from a great high intensity workout.

Running makes me a better person. it makes me a better mom, which means I haven't been such a great mom lately. I feel very snappy and annoyed, and then feel bad for being so impatient. I'm whining one day to Emily...and she says "Mommy what's wrong", and I tell her my leg hurts, so she goes on to tell me "so don't run Mommy if you're leg hurts" ...genius 4 year old, makes sense, but somehow I have to decide if the feeling I get from running, the way it clears my head and acts as Prozac overweighs the pain I get in my leg. So then I tell Emily that I LOVE to run and it makes me feel so great....and how does she answer..." well wait until your leg is better Mommy, and then you can run." Wow. Coming from a 4 1/2 year old life in perspective.

It's been about 4 weeks since I've injured my leg, with at least 2 full weeks of resting and 2 weeks of "trying" to run on it medicated. Not the smartest thing I know, but I desperately needed to get out for a run, for myself and for everyone around me. The frustrating part is that I still don't know what is wrong with my leg. Is it a stress fracture, is it tendinitous, or compartmental syndrome? I've been to physiotherapy, and massage therapy, had an xray (which I heard rarely shows a stress fracture), and have been doing all of my exercises recommended. Trust me, I am the good client who does everything I am told if that means I can be out running sooner. And I am also not someone to stop for just a little bit of pain or soreness, I'm not a wimp physically (only emotionally my sister in law would say;) and I'd say I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but when I start to limp and start compensating, by changing my gait, I know I need to stop. I want to run every other day for the rest of my life, not everyday for only 1 year.

I am suppose to run a marathon on my birthday, May 8th. I was really looking forward to this. Non runners think I'm ridiculous to want to run 42.2K on my birthday, but I think it would be very cool and would love to run with my family cheering me along the course, go out for a huge mother's day brunch, spend the afternoon with my family and go out for drinks to celebrate that night. AWESOME. But it's not looking so good right now. How much time can you really take off from the training....and still run the marathon? I've ran my longest run, 32K a couple weeks ago when I was on Advil, and it was a great run, but I was feeling it the next couple days afterwards. I see my doctor on Wednesday and hopefully I'll get in for a bone scan shortly after that. I guess that will be my decision maker...if it is a stress fracture. 6-8 weeks to heal...2 already over with. Boo.

For now, I will stick with sweating it out in spin class and Jillian Michaels yoga meltdown...and try to get my eating back down to a normal person's intake and not a marathon trainer's appetite. Which is much harder then I thought it would be. I thought once I stopped running so much, that I would be less hungry, well I am...but I think I am eating to fill the void.

Sunday was my second spin class...probably shouldn't have done two in a row when I just started because my butt from the seat was still sore from the Saturday's workout. Otherwise, another fantastic workout. For anyone who has been wanting to try it, I say go for it! Today's instructor was even better, she made me feel awesome because she kept telling us how awesome we were, and was constantly correcting our form and getting us to engage our core, drop our shoulders down, stick your butt out...and PUSH it as hard as we could. Spin class really is YOUR ride, you make it as hard or easy as you want, you put as much or little into it. I GIVer...of course. I'm half interested in trying a triathlon someday. maybe a sprint triathlon to start as I haven't swam laps in years.

So to all of you folks lazin' around on your couch watching TV or playing on the computer, procrastinating about getting out for some exercise, get off your butts and go for a run if you can...because someone (like me) is just dying to get out in this beautiful weather and run...You'll thank me when you're done:)

About Me

I started this blog in March 2008 when I found out that I was pregnant with twin girls diagnosed with TTTS. Because it was so exhausting and emotional for me to tell my story over and over again, this blog became my communication for family and friends. It's been a long journey with a very scary pregnancy, the roller coaster ride in the NICU, the loss of one of my babies, and trying to be a good Mom to my 22 month old little girl at home. Time does not change what happened, but it does help to heal...but for me, my saving grace was running. I started to run regularly after Alyssa was discharged from the hospital Sept 2008, and now I can't stop.

TTTS Donation Page

A child that loses a parent is an orphan.A man who loses his wife is a widower.A woman who loses her husband is a widow.There is no name for a parent that loses a child, for there is no word to describe this pain.