The new iPad has the same retina display as its brothers, and the same design, and the same guts, with one notable exception: a metric crap-ton of storage. More storage than any decent or sane human being could ever want from a pure tablet, at a cost—$800 for Wi-Fi only and $930 for 4G—that no decent or sane human being could ever want to spend on one. Do you know how much laptop that kind of money can buy you? You're almost at Surface Pro/MacBook Air levels of expenditure for an A6X chip and Temple Run 2.

Even if you're the type of person who flocked to the mega-storage iPods of yore, don't be lured in by Big Poppa iPad's siren song. Unlike the heady days of 2007, your music and movies and Don't Trust the B— downloads live in the cloud now, not on your device. That's where Apple and everyone else has been pushing people for years, precisely because gigundo-storage devices are expensive and absurd and absurdly expensive for the common man.

And that's okay! Apple doesn't expect you to buy a 128GB iPad, not unless you're a professional-grade buyer, like an architect or a supervillain, with all the resources and massive AutoCAD storage needs that implies. The 128GB iPad is like a $300/head steakhouse dinner. It goes on the corporate account.

Like all the other iPads, the new kids come in black and white, and you can buy them starting next Tuesday. Or rather, your IT manager can. [Apple]