53 comments:

I do notice the "I married my best friend" thing all over the blogs. I've always thought that your husband is not your best friend. It's a completely different relationship to that of "Best Friend" I think you can have a wonderful friendship with your husband, but the title of best friend goes to someone you re not married to. Frankly I am getting tired of all the adjectives in blogging. Why can we just say "my friend Jane" and "lettuce" instead of "My really good friend Jane" and "organic baby arugula". Less is more.

They are making their lives look perfect. No doubt. And I think maybe people just don't want to blog about the fight they had last night or the messy parts of life. I love my husband and he is supportive, but about half the time he looks at me like I am crazy (which I probably am). Blog land is a fantasy world - I always take what I read with a grain of salt. XO,Lisa

Use your beautiful china. Life is too short not to enjoy every moment. Have yourself a dinner party and put out that china, heck use it everyday because this is your life and you can make it a party without a husband. As for the serving pieces, mix and match. As for the chandelier, hire a handyman or get a friend(s) to help.

Hmmm, we've been married 23 years. My husband is grouchy and will start cussing at the drop of a hat. And not to stereotype but I do think alot of men are like that. On the other hand, my husband is up for most any project and has been my best supporter. No, things are not perfect at everybody's house. Blogging is kind of like playing house though...the way we've always imagined it. :)

You are so right about the elusive "dear husband" or "hubby". My hat is off to anyone who has that kind of relationship. Really. I admire all those people who are happy. I don't know why I couldn't find that but I have to say...I'm so happy to be alone at this time in my life. No more "I'm hanging my fish lures in the wall in the kitchen". No more..."stop sewing and come to bed--you're keeping me up". No more..."you bought MORE fabric???"Just sweet little Charlie and Lola who love to see me and any fabric purchases every.single.time!

By the way, www.replacements.com or Replacements, Ltd. has your Johnson Brothers pieces. You can also put in your wish list and if they get the piece you want, they will email you. They let their employees bring their dogs to work. I love them!

First of all, the china is beautiful. It's timeless so why the heck did they discontinue it??? I'm glad you have it on display.

I didn't marry until I was 45. Before I met my husband, every man I was involved with ended up irritating me! Don is the only guy that stuck. If I had married someone I met in high school I would definitely be divorced. I'm a late bloomer and I changed a lot after high school. That being said, my husband IS my best friend. And he can be helpful. But in all honesty - I have to nag him a lot to do the things I want him to do. Because if he doesn't want to do it....well, it doesn't get done, unless I am relentless about it.

Thanks so much for joining in on the party, Nita. Please come back next week!

I just love reading your posts....because I love honesty and speaking from the gut. Yeah, I know what you are talking about...the perfect husband does not exist, just as the perfect wife does not exist. Some are delusional in their expectations. I am married for the second time after a 10 hiatus as single and the only time I felt like something was missing was during the holidays and the occasional Sunday afternoon. Mostly, I relished my time alone because I was pretty sure I would get married again someday and knew that I would miss aspects of being single. I am pretty good at being by myself and since I work with people I enjoy the regrouping time.You are a treasure and I love reading your posts. Did you get the scary fixed?Pam

I love how honest you are.I will have been married 43 years this month. We were 19 and 20 at the time. While it isn't perfect isn't bad at all. As far as projects.....I would rather hire someone (if I had the money) than ask him. He is a bear when I mention something I want him to do. I usually do it myself and a couple months later he notices. My husband is a great provider and let's me do my own thing about work, projects, go to antique and crafts shows. He is a wonderful care giver. I mean that for sure. I am sorry you had such a bad experience. You never know what is down the road. I think you have done well on your own and you are happy with the doggies. Marriage isn't for everyone. And I agree that some really sugar coat their marriages.((((((HUGS))))

Hello! First of all, I love your china, it's wonderful. Here it's on fashion now to mismatch dishes and cups, I like it a lot and do that even when I have similar pattern dishes.Your post made me laugh a lot speaking about perfect Mrs husbands in blogland...haha. Yes, marriage and motherhood sound a bit idealized sometimes...I love your house, that wall full of mirrors!!!Thank you for your visit and your sweet comment, I'll must come back here, your post was super.Besos from Argentina (and sorry for my poor English), Silvina

Whoa, this post has me questioning whether I should just email you or leave my thoughts in comment form..but since you posted, I'm commenting. I've given this a lot of thought since I am in an identical situation as you. I think most of those blogs are all about Marketing. Personally, I've stopped following the blogs where the women point at something and have their wonderful husband do their bidding as the guy whistles a happy tune. While I realize most of it's fantasy, it still gives me a headache.They just show the pretty side and not the crap they probably put up with. But in "real" life I also get so sick of listening to women complain about their husbands but then just put up with bad behavior and in most cases, reinforce it. I guess I don't want to read about it either. I suppose it's all a trade off. The ability to do whatever you want whenever you want. Not having to fight and barter over things. I'm alway amazed at the women in my "real" life who tell me that their husband won't allow something. (i.e. "I can't rescue this little old homeless dog because my husband only likes Labs." or " I've love cats, but my husbands hates them, he'd probably kill it" seriously? I mean you LIVE with someone like that). But there are times when I get to daydreaming too. Then I've looked in the mirror to see if I'm bringing to the table what I also desire. I can't really have Hugh Jackson if I'm a Kathy Bates double. But I'm not saying to we need to lower our standards. I'm just saying that maybe Kevin James would be more fun to live with. Of course he'd need to leave his shirt on while putting up the chandelier. If we wish for someone to look beneath our superficial stuff then we need to do the same. At least that's the realization that I've come to. That and the amount of money or the buff body a guy has isn't as important as whether he has compassion for all things big & small and if he has a good sense of humor. Anyway. I've gone to "pinning" great ideas rather than reading the storybook blogs. Makes life a lot more simple and angst free. On that note, if your STUFF makes you happy, cool. But I'm pitching and donating TONS of my STUFF. I've come to feel like it's taking up space in my house and my mind. I can't think with all the junk. I'm trying to live with the adage "Keep only what you know to be truly beautiful or useful". I'm not longer collecting for some fantasy life. I'm eating off of my mothers Candlewick dishes and enjoying them everyday of my life instead of saving them for some dinner party I will never have. I'm not thrifting anymore unless I'm on the hunt for something I truly need. I'm saving my cash for important things like pet care items and art supplies. So, good luck my friend, I don't plan on going anywhere, I hope to be your friend at least as long as you have your china. (and I do agree about Ewan, hot and sensitive. He made the comment in an interview that what he missed most after making the movie "Beginners" was that little dog. Yep, LOVE him!)XOXO - Cindi

You are amazingly talented and inspiring to others. It takes a great deal of courage to be as honest as you are. I applaud you. Your home is beautiful, you have a lovely heart, and your sense of humor has made me laugh out loud more than once. Eat off your china, expand your circle of friends, enjoy your life, and treasure memories of your Dad. Thanks so much for sharing all of that on your fabulous blog. By the way, I don't believe all of that stuff out there about the best friend/perfect husband either.

Nita, what a great post this is. Sorry your extra dishes are so expensive. That seems to be the way for everything now a days. Treat yourself and use them, they will give you such happiness. I married my HS sweetheart, known him since I as 12. Yes, we both matured a lot, and sadly grew right out of that marriage after 4 years. I remarried after 16 yrs of being single, and bless his heart, although he would do many of the things I asked, and he never objected to hanging anything, he growled a lot like a bear! Now sadly he's too sick to do things for me, and I find myself not as aggressive as I used to be with a hammer as he spoiled me for many years in taking care of those things. I agree w/many of the others, I think your BF is a GF, no doubt about it. Loved everybody's comments!

I guess we all dream of the perfect partner...after all, I was brought up on fairy tales. But real life proves that there is no Prince Charming....but then again, I am no Cinderella. I spent too much time feeling like I was missing out on my fairy tale life since my husband never felt the need to kiss my feet. But he is real and he puts up with me and my bad habits, just as I put up with his. And now and then he will help with something I want done and I will go to a car show with him. Life is a trade off. But I will say that if I end up alone in my life, that is not such a bad state of affairs. And every now and then I remind my husband that if we split up, I get half of everything which would surely kill him! LOL

You definitely raise questions that I have had regarding the blissful life of full time blogger ladies. I was married 30 years to a good man. The father of my children. But he definitely had his flaws. I tried again. I thought that #2 was good, honest and kind. Turns out he was intrinsically bad, a liar and abusive. Now, I am happily single. Figuring things out for myself. Wishing and dreaming of a better tomorrow. I love your china. I chose Johnson Brothers Hearts and Flowers as my wedding "everyday" china. I still have ~most~ of it. I had to sell my sterling flatware after the divorce for living expenses, but my china stays with me always.

LOL, Nita! I am here to tell you I am REAL on my blog. There are days I love him and days I hate him. He does NOT like to garden - he complains when I ask him to do things and drops his clothes all over the place. On the other hand if I ask him to run an errand he is in the car with the engine running before I give him a list. It's a balance and it is never easy to make a marriage work. And, guess what? If I were up at 4:30 am blogging he would be sleeping like a dead person-

I love your white dishes-I really think you should use, and enjoy, them though- xo Diana

Listen. Get those pretty white plates out and eat off of them every day! Use one or two of then for saucers under flower pots Hang some of them on the wall and leave some to admire on that lovely hutch. I enjoyed your honesty. I think I'm going to do a post about my hubs (of 47 years) I'll take a photo of the clothes hamper and then I'll take a picture of where he puts his dirty clothes, and so on. Yep. Gonna do that!Good to meet you!

Hi Nita, My first time visit - via French Country Cottage and the Linky Party. Boy do your words resonate with me! The 'perfect' lives and families hold me back from blogging as I feel my life as a single 40 something is just a bit too mundane to write about!I have to say I do live vicariously through some of the perfect families knowing full well they are only sharing the perfect. I also read romance books knowing they too are unreal. I believe if put to the test we would all rate as 'dysfunctional families' ..... you never actually hear of anyone coming for a functional family do you?My ex is actually a better friend than he was as a partner so i'm lucky to have someone to call on for heavy lifting and handyman jobs when I can't do them. still have to wait 'till it suits him though lol!I look forward to reading more of your blog.

What a wonderful memory of your father. I often think that it the easier way of life if you can make your own decisions (like my sister) and not have to get your husband to agree first (I want replace the back door ...)

My husband is a DIY enthusiast. Yes, at times he grumbles at my ideas, but in the end we work together to design and build and he is happy with the results. That said, my life is FAR from perfect. This is marriage #3 (going on 13 yrs) so it took me a few tries to get it right ; o ) Love your blog & love the weenies (we have one too!)

I am sooo turned off by what the bogging world has become. I read you and a handful of others and the rest I deleted.Love the china and I love that you have such wonderful memories of your Father.I have a fabulous Hubby that is up for anything I try to do and he is a wonderful Mr Fix it handy man too but I had to kiss many frogs and heartache to get to him.He probably gets tired of my junk piles but is a good sport about it.I cannot wait to see your Spooky sideboard too.I will keep a lookout for your china when I am out junkin'/thriftin' too.Blessings girl~(( this comment is a ramble hmmm))

Thank you for this little peak inside. Can I recommend Suzan at Simply Vintageous? She makes me laugh at the conversations she has with hubby John. I think some of this BF hubby stuff is generational. I was married 14 yrs, now single since 1981! I would never have done, gone, experienced or met all the people who became my friends over the years if I'd been married. I ram between MI and Las Vegas alone and have only the most minor regrets that I do not have a house and all the STUFF that filled my life when younger. I understand perfectly the need for beautiful artistic surroundings in a personal space even if you don't actually USE the items. Bless You!

Great post. I've noticed the same thing. That's why it's been a bit difficult for me to get back to my blog. I did have an awful first marriage. I'm sure there was enough blame to go around in that case. I am happily remarried. But if I ever referred to him or my adult children in the dripping sapping ways that seems to be so popular they would call in a hotline asking for advice. I grew up in NJ, we don't talk like that. This need for perfection gets boring. It's like some odd blogger cult. In my decor I like contrast, old a bit tattered with elegant. It makes the rooms interesting. I think the same is true with life. Sometimes it's the imperfections in people that make them attractive. Like my dog Coco. We think she's obnoxious but she's sure we're the one with the problem and that's why we love her.

Nita- You have it pegged! My hubs has just figured it out that when I say "I want a new sink" what it really means is "we are getting a new sink". His response used to be "you have a sink". We married when I was 20 and I have changed much and so has he. Sometimes it was ugly. So many of these bloggers are so very young that they haven't had time to go thru anything but the first blush. It gets easier if you admit he is not perfect. But neither am I so that makes him perfect for me.

Even,,,,,no, especially, single, I couldn't have a house as fantastic as yours. I'm a collector, verging on hoarder, who is now trying to thin out the 'stuff.' Can't take it with me when I die and I certainly don't want to move it again. On another topic, I had a first husband who traveled in his job, and that didn't work out, then one who was with me but I was too "liberated" to make it a real partnership. His heart gave out before I realized what an idiot i had been. My third fella, he of the longest engagement on record, will build, paint, plumb, electrify, mow, trim, repair, and love me all the time. I got him by looking for (jokingly) a plumber, electrician, or carpenter. He is all three and then some and he loves every hair on my head, but not the hairs in the sink. So he cleans and scrubs his house and i give mine a lick and a promise and we're both getting along that way. If I had it to do over again, I would have wanted to meet him first, except i know I'd have made a mess of it because i looked for 'perfect' and I couldn't offer it back. Now, we each is an individual with quirks and we love each other's quirks. Perfect at last and I still have time to enjoy it. And I would enjoy the white china if I had it, instead I have PINK Old Britain Castles, PINK tablecloth and candles, and pink roses in the garden. Bliss would be name if it were not already taken. XXXX to all.

Hi! I stumbled onto your blog a while back and enjoy it so much! I especially love your dog stories because I shared my life (and my bed) with doxies for years. They truly made my life complete. But what I wanted to tell you is that the Richmond Brothers pattern you have is the same as mine that I got 20 years ago too, and have used it as an every day pattern. A few plates have since gotten chipped, but I love them as much today as I did then. Life is short, use the stuff you love and enjoy it!

Well, at least a few of the "perfect hubbies" of lifestyle bloggers have turned from prince to pumpkin and ruined the fairytale. You won't hear a whole lot about it, but you'll all-of-a-sudden notice the blogger is no longer talking about "us" or has moved to a new house.

As for your china, stop waiting for someone to share the good things in life with you. Give yourself the gift of living that good life now; you deserve it. You have lovely things, enjoy them, treasure them, use them with joy.

BTW, I married my "best friend" when I was 48. There were a whole lot of frogs in my past, and a couple of ex-fiances. I'm living proof that it is never really too late, and anyone can be surprised by love.

After reading your comment about bloggers and their sweet husbands. I have to say I married my HS sweetheart, best friend and we have been for 42 years. Of course it has not always been a bed of roses. Blow that guy a final kiss goodby and forget about him completely. This is what you said about your Dad. My Dad was in the kitchen of my little rent house helping me unpack kitchen stuff one night.

I put these dishes carefully on the shelves of this home I'd never thought I'd live inand cried that I'd never eat off them again and that I would probably be alone the rest of my life.

I thought that was the worst time of my life.

And now that my Dad is gone....I think back on that day and how he quietly and gentlyunwrapped the dishes and handed them to me to stack while I cried and cried and sobbed and cried.It is a sweet memory and example of a father's true love for his daughter.It sounds like you just blogged about a really sweet man in your life.

loe ur blog i never had a dad so ur are blessed to have that memory my hubby died of cancewr i tooo am alone and its ok i'm 56 so gettin a little late for me i just want to let you know how this post really touched me and of course i love ur white johnson bros china and everything else u touch thanks for the daily inspiritation, i'm a reader...susan

I do talk about my hubby a lot on my blog but one thing I don't do is idolize him...Yes, we have been married for 34 years and I am the first to admit that the reason why we have been married this long is because we have worked different shifts our whole marriage. Like 2 ships passing in the night..Joe is NOT handy so if I want a big project done, I need to pay someone to do it. I am a carpenter's daughter and I am the one who does all the projects around our home. Do I ask him permission, HEll No!! He truly does not care what i do in our house as long as he is not the one doing it!!Plus, I make way more money than he does so I usually just get what I want.No, we do not have a pefect life and i do hope that I do not protray that we do on my blog. He was off work for 9 weeks because of surgery. I thought I was going to kill him the first 3 weeks when he could not drive and i am a nurse!! LOL!!

I don't have a Mister Pennsylvania French, either. I'm 51, and not a size 2 with long swingy straight hair and perfect teeth, so there isn't going to *be* a Mister Pennsylvania French.

I do all my work the hard way - by myself.

I had a life like a lot of the bloggers I read about - I lost it literally overnight by an act of betrayal.

I don't know what I'm trying to say here other than I understand. I wonder sometimes if I'm not the decorating/repurposing version of Dickens' Miss Havisham - except instead of sitting around in rotting wedding clothes, I'm creating a beautiful home in hopes of a relationship that will never occur.

Hi Nita, I think mix and match dishes and serving pieces make for a better table anyway. I am so glad your dad was with you that day and all the days you had him in your corner. I think having a really wonderful dad sometimes makes it harder to find Mr. Perfect cuz you have to measure them against a great model...i had my 20 years of marriage to a guy I had to hide my interests from, like tennis etc, and even my job had to be on the back burner when he was around...life is too short to live like that. I decided I would rather live alone (and raise my kids) then be harassed by my "partner"...I was so down on marriage. But about 8 years later I did meet a guy who is a wonderful fit for me, and its been the greatest part of my life. Now opening two stores has been a test on the relationship and he is passing with flying colors. So I am grateful as I have been in other shoes, and I don't ever take it for granted.

Ooh, I like Mr. MVL... and he's a lucky guy to have found you, Nita! :)

One common thread I've noticed among those "fairy tale" blogs (and I am NOT judging here... to each their own... just something I've noticed) is that the bloggers behind them are often deeply religious (often LDS or other very specific denominations)and may see their blog as a way to evangelize or sort of "market" their beliefs... and if that's the case, then of course you're going to want to make your life look as attractive as possible. Hence all those perfect, handy, best friend husbands, adorable, well-behaved children, and beautiful, creative homes. OF COURSE life is not like that all the time, for anyone, but it's easy enough to market it that way on a blog.

Re: your "wedding" china, allow me to quote Caroline "Ma" Ingalls of Little House on the Prairie fame: "Fancy dishes aren't for special times, they're for special people." And since you are eSPECIALly awesome and funny and independent, I say eat off those dishes every day! :)

I hope I don't come across like I am living a perfect life with the perfect husband, but I don't enjoy writing about disagreements with my husband. We do have disagreements, usually about how much to water the lawn and shrubs. He is not perfect and neighter am I. But he loves me like no one else. And I light up when he enters a room. We started dating over 30 years ago so the honeymoon period is long over. But we each want to do things or stop doing other things that will make each other happy. He hates a mess in the bathroom so make sure that my stuff is but away before I leave the bathroom. I don't like it when he leaves dirty clothes on the end of the bed so he now hangs them up of puts them in the laundry. We do these things for each other hoping that makes the others day better. And when you do something nice for the other then they are happy to do something that you need. And that is one of the reasons we get along so well, we are thougtfull towards each other and it honestly makes me feel good to leave the bathroom tidy because it will make him happy. My husband will help me tomorrow with the curtain rods because he knows that I am excited to get them up. And that makes it so much easier and enjoyable to do something my husband wants. Does he do things right away? No but neither do I. I don't like to read blogs where everything is fake but I don't want to read about anyones fights either. This post and all the comments have been very thought provoking and it has reminded me to continue keeping things real.Traci

Yeah, most blogs seems to be in fantasy land. Part of why I read them, I like a different view of the world.

China, use it or lose it - at least that's the way I feel living in an earthquake area. What's the point of something beautiful that sits in a cabinet?

Best friends - the one that kills me is parents who refer to their children this way. I feel sorry for any 40-year old who thinks a teenager is their best friend, what does that say about their ability to make and keep friendships?

Nita, yours was the first blog in my favorites after I discovered blogs a couple of years ago and the first one I check. Why? Because of your style, your doxies, your honesty, and how your optimistic self always returns after a difficult time.

I agree with the many comments that beg you to use that lovely china in that pretty kitchen of yours. I guess the bloggers who seemingly have nearly perfect lives both enchant me and discourage me. Maybe their life is as perfect as it seems to us--God bless them if it is. And if they're slightly embellishing it for whatever reason? Well, bless their little hearts, they probably are doing it in their own search for happiness.

You just keep on giving us authentic Nita!

Dewena

P.S. Your search for a potting bench and the pictures you posted led me to realize that the much neglected but beautifully aged old potting bench that my husband had used for years for -- potting, was there waiting for me. I cleaned off all the black plastic pots full of dead plants that had accumulated there since last summer and started shopping the house and barn and surprised him with my new potting bench! He was definitely not enthusiastic about what I'd done but after I showed him the pictures on your blog he came around and over the summer has helped find more odd gardening tools and old clay pots stuck away in outbuildings for me. No one could ever accuse us of portraying each other as perfect spouses and we've both gotten grouchier with age and aches, but we do get so much pleasure in making our house look nicer.

Oh, and I always read him your doxie stories and show him their pictures. We both treasure the time we still have with our miniature longhaired little darling girl who was 15 in July.

Mr. MVL, I love it! You always make me laugh Nita! I will admit that I do feel a little bad, I sure hope my blogging about how supportive my hubby is has not come across as boasting. I certainly never meant to imply that our life together is perfect. But really, does anyone want to come to my blog and have to read my bitching about my husband? I don't even do that in real life, because I think those things should stay between the couple. It always hurts my heart to hear friends complaining about their husbands or kids. I would be horrified if I thought he was talking that way about me to his friends. I guess I got super-lucky having a guy who will do any project for me, or with me. But I knew that about him when we married, because he was my boss, and I knew we worked really well together. He is my best friend, and I hope it stays that way forever. But we have worked hard for that, and have lived through a lot together, and have forgiven a lot, too. Again I sure hope I haven't offended any one. I'll be more sensitive in the future so I don't come off as bragging about it.

Nita, I applauded you, better to be alone and be happy, than to be with someone and be unhappy! I married at 19 year old the first time, what was I thinking! Needless to say that did not work out. I selected better the next time and we have been together for over 30 year. He is supportive of household and yard projects just as long as he is not the one having to do them.

Break out those white dishes, have a breakfast, lunch or dinner with friends and celebrate the wonderful relationships in your life. Loved the post, Laura

I love this post and your honesty! I'm sure there are some amazing husbands out there, but I feel like a lot of blogs exaggerate how willing and helpful their husbands are. I don't want to read blogs that always talk bad about their husbands or talk about their fights, but damn, nobody is that perfect.

In our household, if I want something done, I'll just do it myself. I don't want to make it sounds like my boyfriend never does anything around the house (we've been living together for over a year), but I definitely do most of the work. He helps me with projects, but I usually have to twist his arm and nag him. I think it's mostly because he doesn't get it. If he had his way, the walls would be painted red, all of the furniture would be oak, and we'd have 2 recliners instead of a couch. I figure that if I do the work, I get to design the house...works better for me that way. Imagine all that red and oak...bleh!

Love your honesty, so refreshing. So very tired of the perfect lives, everything is rosy blogs.

(Did you happen to read the blog posts two or three months ago, about being more real and not perpetuating the perfect thing anymore on blogs? I wish I could remember where I saw it, I can't seem to find it now.)

Well that was a straight shooting little post. To answer your question, NO. Not all blogger husbands are supportive and into home improvements. Trust me. We have had that farmhouse sink conversation verbatim. If I want something done, I just do it myself, but I'm used to it because I grew up with two younger sisters and a single mom. He will help if I really need it though. I think the ones with super supportive husbands share it and the ones without don't talk about it. Hey, if I had a BFF husband that loved to paint furniture and go antique shopping, I'd shout it from the hills! I do agree though, sometimes the husbands seem too good to be true, but then I think of my sis and her husband. They really are BFFs like that and I think it's pretty awesome. And eat off those dishes, would you?! You deserve it.