Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #141
July 27th, 1998
WCW Monday Nitro:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Three Hours.
Location: San Antonio, TX.
HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko.
- Last week's show is recapped in a series of clips. The Bischoff/Leno
angle takes precedence, though most everything is touched upon. WCW
Saturday Night announcer Scott Hudson does a voice-over. The intro
follows. Nitro Girls. Schiavone announces that Diamond Dallas Page has
recovered from his beating last week and will be on hand tonight to get
revenge on "Hollywood" Hogan. We'll also hear Goldberg give his first
interview ever. (Well, make that his third or fourth interview ever.)
- The New World Order hits the ring. Scott Hall works up the crowd and
badmouths Kevin Nash. The Giant makes funny faces. Brian Adams, who I
only just now realized has been gone the last few months, talks tough
and threatens Goldberg. It seems he's been in Japan and missed the whole
Goldberg "revolution". Adams calls him a "fluke" (which may be true) and
says Goldberg's opponents have been "hand-picked" (which is definitely
true). Adams promises to beat him for the World Title tonight. Is this a
challenge, or Adams just announcing a match?
They show a clip of Bischoff from last week leading into the commercial.
Another clip welcomes us back from the break.
- Raven is in the ring and launches into one of his "what about me?!"
soliloquies. Saturn then ambles out and calls him a "spoiled rich kid".
They start to fight, but Kanyon shows up out of nowhere and attacks
Saturn. Raven wanders away after being saved from a Death Valley Driver
by Kanyon.
So is Kanyon in the Flock, or does he just hate Saturn more than he
hates Raven? Does WCW even know? Does anyone care? I think you can
answer "no" to all those questions.
- THE BARBARIAN (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. "HACKSAW" JIM DUGGAN
Hiii-yyyooooooooo--this sucks! Duggan, in action, looks like a sack of
potatoes being pushed down a flight of stairs. He takes about two
minutes to dispose of the Barbarian using one of the oldest finishes in
the book. Jimmy Hart jumps up on the apron, holding Duggan in place
against the ropes. The Barbarian kicks, but Duggan moves and Hart flies
off the apron. Duggan then rolls the Barbarian up for the pin. (I
thought Jeff Jarrett and Tennessee Lee were the only ones still using
this finish these days?) Hugh Morrus then runs in and he and his partner
the Barbarian beat on Duggan, until Meng makes the save. Afterwards the
two look close to sharing a moment, but Meng instead slaps on the Tongan
Death Grip. Didn't these two chunks have a feud back in the WWF several
million years ago? Someone want to tell WCW that it's crap like this
which nearly put the WWF out of business circa 1990. (Sadly the San
Antonio crowd was waaaaay behind Duggan in this one. You'd have thought
he was Shawn Michaels or something.)
This concludes the actual wrestling content of Nitro for the first hour.
Up next: NWO Nite Cap.
- NWO Nite Cap. What we've seen the last few weeks have only been a tease.
Here Bischoff does a facsimile of an entire talk show. First he comes
out and smooches up to the crowd, which has already turned unruly over
this. Bischoff then launches into an entire "joke" filled monologue
(most of the jokes being about Jay Leno's chin). Canned crowd cheers and
applause fail to cover up the boo's, profanity and death threats being
yelled out by the crowd. The "jokes" again seemed to be cribbed from
recent "Tonight Show" monologues, with the Leno jokes completely lacking
in humor. (I assume this is all on purpose.) If that wasn't bad enough.
Bischoff then sits at the desk and engages in some banter with Elizabeth
and his band leader. He THEN rips off Leno's "headlines" bit, showing
newspaper headlines and stories and making fun of them. But wait,
there's more. "Hollywood" Hogan then comes out. They talk about Leno,
showing IN ITS ENTIRETY the clip from last Thursday's "Tonight Show"
where Leno and his band leader talked about Bischoff and Hogan. Hogan
repeats his threat to beat up Leno at the biker rally in Sturgis if Leno
doesn't shape up. Finally they run out of time and the piece is ended.
All together this segment ran damn close to TWENTY MINUTES.
My thoughts on this are below at the end of the Recap.
- Nitro Girls. Nitro Party Video.
- "Mean" Gene Okerlund interviews Diamond Dallas Page. Page reveals that
it was Hogan who beat him up backstage last week. DDP says "Hogan ...
you suck!" which actually gets bleeped by the censors. Talk about lame.
The two will fight tonight in the main event, assuming Hogan accepts his
challenge. That's two main event we're now supposed to believe wasn't in
the works prior to the broadcast.
- They show a video highlighting the feud between Chris Jericho and Dean
Malenko. For once the letterboxing used is normal and not just their
regular fiery "squish-o-vision". Conveniently omitted from the clip is
all the bad stuff which has happened to Malenko during the course of
this feud.
HOUR TWO Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Zbyszko.
- Dusty Rhodes, Scott Hall and Scott Norton of the NWO show up at the
announcer's desk. Hall challenges Sting to a match, filling out the
third mandatory "impromptu" challenge match of the night. Dusty then
blubbers something about them getting a "Texas gag order" preventing
Larry Zbyszko from "getting up in the business of the NWO". Is this an
angle, or just alcohol at work? Shouldn't it make sense? What the hell
are they talking about? I'm sure there's more to come and I'm also sure
I'll care even less then. Anything that risks seeing Zbyszko or Rhodes
in the ring again is flat-out a bad thing.
- SCOTT "FLASH" NORTON vs. JIM "THE ANVIL" NEIDHART
Squash. Norton wins in less than twenty seconds. Yup ... this was a good
career move for Neidhart.
- Goldberg video. Afterwards they cut to the back, where Doug Dellinger
and his security crew are waiting to accompany Goldberg to the ring.
Dellinger knocks, but no one answers. Opening the door they discover
that Goldberg's dressing room has been trashed, with "NWO 4 Life!" and
other similar slogans have been painted on the walls. No Goldberg.
(Wouldn't it be funny if Bret Hart called this "racist" and blamed it on
Shawn Michaels and Hunter Hearst Helmsley?)
- The fireworks go off, signaling the star of hour two ten minutes too
late, or the start of hour three 50 minutes too early.
- Bret Hart hits the ring, saying he's no racist and accusing the
lockerroom trashing on Shawn Michaels and Hunter Hearst Helmsley. No,
wait--he's actually just badmouthing DDP and saying he's the best U.S.
champion ever. He also says there's no hard feelings over what happened
between he and Sting last week. He denies being a part of the NWO,
saying he's still on the fringe. He says "ass", which doesn't get
bleeped, then "screwed", which does! He calls the fans "scum" and says
he's Sting's friend. Looks like a feud between the two, with Hart
claiming his Sharpshooter cam before Sting's Scorpion Deathlock.
- DEAN MALENKO vs. CHRIS JERICHO
According to Jericho this is Malenko's last shot at the Cruiserweight
Title. Somehow I doubt that is in any way enforceable. Really good
match, lasting almost ten minutes. (It'd take me an hour just to do a
detailed blow-by-blow account.) The finish comes when Jericho rolls to
the floor and pulls a foreign object out of his boot. He tries to nail
Malenko, but Dean spots it and takes it away. He then nails Jericho. The
ref, who had taken a slight bump moments before, sees Jericho down and
Malenko with the object. He calls for the bell, DQ'ing Dean and ending
his last chance ever (*snort*) to beat Jericho for the title. Whatever.
"Mean" Gene is in the back looking for Goldberg.
- Nitro Girls.
- Road Wild/Travis Tritt promo.
- CURT HENNIG (w/ Rick Rude) vs. STEVE "MONGO" MCMICHAEL
It takes Hennig all of two minutes to outmaneuver Mongo and slap him
into the Hennig-Plex for the win. The announcers say this was Mongo's
big chance to show how good a Horseman he could be.
- They show a few seconds of the second Leno segment, from last Friday,
where he brings out a midget Hogan. Out comes Hogan and Bischoff to the
ring. Bischoff says he's going to fire whoever cued up that clip. Hogan
then accepts Hogan's challenge (commenting him on taking an "ass
kicking"--which doesn't get bleeped). Hogan's going to saddle DDP up and
ride him around the ring.
- "HOLLYWOOD" HOGAN/DENNIS RODMAN vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE/KARL MALONE
Yes, it's the main event from the "Bash at the Beach" PPV. Yes, it's the
match WCW asked everyone to pay $30 for just a few weeks ago. Yes--
having now seen it--it did suck big time. They show not only the match,
but the intro by Michael Buffer, the ring entrances, everything.
The match starts with Rodman and Malone locking up. Rodman slaps on a
headlock, but Malone shoves him into the ropes. Rodman bails out of the
ring, then tags Hogan in. Hogan slaps a wristlock on Malone that looks
so pitiful it's impossible to describe. Malone powers out, looking more
like the two are holding hands in the air and dancing. Rodman comes in
to hit Malone from behind. Hogan takes over, punching, stomping and
kicking the prone Malone, who oversells it all. Rodman comes in and
picks Malone up, holding him for Hogan. Hogan throws a punch, which
misses, and Malone sells it so hard that Rodman (in his apparent drunken
state) stumbles sideways and falls over. Malone manages to tag in DDP
and he goes wild, only to be stopped by a knee to the back from Rodman.
Hogan tags in Rodman and the two give DDP a double clothesline. Rodman
then just goes back out, with Hogan staying in the ring (no tag). The
crowd chants for blood. Hogan beats on Page for the next minute or so,
then tags Rodman back in. The two do a double boot to the face (with
Rodman again almost falling down). Rodman then just goes back out like
before, then tags Hogan and comes back in! Rodman puts a front facelock
on DDP and backs him into the corner. Having done next to nothing he's
still winded and needs to tag back out. Hogan takes over, beating on DDP
for a few more minutes. Rodman unconvincingly chokes DDP as Malone has
the ref occupied, trying to get in to help his partner. (I should
mention here that almost all the match is shot from one camera angle,
looking straight-on at the ring from some distance away. Only
occasionally do the cut to other angles.) Hogan tags Rodman in again and
the two shove DDP into the corner. Rodman exits, his notion of "tag
team" wrestling apparently being that Hogan wrestles the whole match and
he only comes in for ten seconds when Hogan tags him. DDP fights back
with some elbow shots which Rodman reacts to, but doesn't really sell
(i.e. act hurt in any way). Hogan takes DDP down with a drop toehold
(WRESTLING!) Rodman comes in and applies a two minute chinlock, with
some drama thrown in as DDP tries to break the hold and actually makes
the tag, which the ref misses because Hogan has him tied up. Hogan and
Rodman drop DDP with some punches. Rodman exits the ring (no tag). Wait
a minute ... the ref just chased Malone out, even though DDP was right
there and could easily have made the tag, yet Rodman just walks out of
the ring and Hogan can stay in--even though he was fifteen feet away
from being able to make the tag?! The beating continues, with DDP
eventually tagging Malone in. Hogan suddenly goes chicken, begging
Malone to spare him. Malone drops him with two so-so looking clothes-
lines. Rodman comes in and he takes one as well. Malone then bodyslams
the two, with Rodman clearly positioning himself so that Malone can slam
him easily. Meanwhile the Disciple runs in, hits DDP with a Stone Cold
Stunner, and Hogan covers for the pin.
Back to "live" action several fans flash the sign of the Devil to the
camera, which is apropos, since I feel like Hell after watching that.
They show a few more seconds of the Leno/Hogan midget clip. Didn't
Bischoff threaten to fire whoever it was that played that?
HOUR THREE Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.
- World Champ Goldberg makes his way to the ring to give his "first ever"
interview. (I guess those other interviews he's given on Nitro last year
and WCW Saturday Night don't count). With a voice and interview style
fairly similar to Scott Norton, Goldberg says the NWO crossed the line
by trashing his dressing room. Who's next? Brian Adams. Goldberg is
competent enough behind the mic to make one ask why the hell didn't WCW
let him talk for the last nine months.
- "Mean" Gene gets a few comments from Arn Anderson. Arn says he watched
Dean Malenko and Steve McMichael tonight to see if they had what it took
to become Horsemen. He said both lost matches they could and should have
won. He seems to indicate that they could really use some direction and
inspiration, then tells them and the injured Chris Benoit "before I
asked you to 'let it be'. Now I'm telling you." I like Arn and all, but
this angle still isn't going anywhere, and the possible end result--a
new Four Horsemen--is one I'm against no matter who is involved.
- STING vs. SCOTT HALL
The first of the "main events". This one starts off slow because
fireworks set off on the posts cloud the ring in smoke. Before the match
can really get anywhere Bret Hart comes out. Sting punches him. Hennig
and Vincent then come out to beat on Sting. Lex Luger and Kevin Nash
come out to help their Wolfpac partner. Nash ends up fighting with Hall
in the ring as Hart just sits there and watches. He and Sting then get
into it again and Sting almost slaps on the Scorpion Deathdrop, which
Hart, being a master of the Sharpshooter, recognizes and is able to
escape from. The announcers make a big deal over the fact that Hart
didn't really fight back. Looks like Hart wants all the "bad-ass" rep a
heel gets without actually being a heel. Bottom line, I think the guy
just can't stand being booed, yet desperately wants attention.
- They show footage of Buff Bagwell's despicable "heel turn" from last
week. "Mean" Gene then calls for Buff and Scott Steiner to come out.
Scott wheels Buff out and they do a little skit where Buff--in a
wheelchair--accidentally rolls down the ramp and crashes. Scott asks
Buff if he's okay. Buff pops up, does a little jig and flexes his
muscles. He also shows off the scar from his surgery, proving that the
injury was real. He and Scott talk about how they fooled Rick Steiner.
Commissioner J.J. Dillon eventually comes out and tells them how
disgusted he is, and he promises to set up a match between the two
Steiner brothers at the PPV. (Didn't they already announce the match
last week?)
- GOLDBERG vs. BRIAN ADAMS (w/ Vincent)
Once again Goldberg is accompanied by security guards through the back
hallways (which they also did for the above interview). Add in the bit
with the fireworks and the intro takes almost three minutes--which is
twice as long as the match lasted. Adams gets in a few punches, a blow
off the turnbuckles and a suplex before Goldberg hulks up, nails the
spear, nails Vincent with the spear, lands another spear on Adams, then
Jackhammers him for the pin. Win #121 for those still counting.
- "HOLLYWOOD" HOGAN (w/ the Disciple) vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE
Hogan's music starts playing, then stops so Michael Buffer can do the
intro's (which he also does in Spanish for the San Antonio crowd). Then
the music again.
The action starts off evenly match, with the two going at each other
tooth-and-nail. Hogan quickly establishes himself as the dominant force.
Suddenly the Ultimate Warrior runs in! He's wearing a WWF t-shirt and
waving a chainsaw!!!
Bet that woke you up. Anyway, the match goes on, looking every bit as
dull and mediocre as the twenty minute match we already watched these
two in earlier in the show. Out of nowhere DDP nails the Diamond Cutter
and is just about to pin Hogan when the rest of the NWO runs in. They
beat on DDP until the Wolfpac members run in. The NWO still have the
advantage though, so out comes Goldberg. He clears the ring, but fails
to see the Giant coming in behind him. The Giant hauls him up and down
in a mighty chokeslam as the show ends.
- This Thursday: Thunder returns next week.
- Next week: Nothing announced.
Comments:
Wow.
What else can I say about a show this overwhelmingly bad? In three hours
there was barely 40 minutes of wrestling, with almost half of that being
taken up by the PPV match. Not counting that and the Benoit/Malenko match,
I think the "NWO Nite Cap" segment was actually longer than all the other
matches combined. And what matches they were! Besides the admittedly good
Malenko/Jericho match, everything else ranged from dull to terrible.
Actually "dull" may be the wrong word as the longest of these matches was
the main event, which only clocked in at about four minutes in length.
Adding together the highlights, lowlights, everything--together in my head
it's still hard to figure out how they killed three whole hours. The "Nite
Cap" segment immediately takes a place amongst the worst ever interview
segments, and while most of the other interviews were okay, none of them
really amounted to much beyond some very minor character work and plotline
advancement. The Bagwell/Steiner interview was pretty bad, though, and was
shown at least an hour too late in the show.
I think they flubbed the finish of the show. The small copyright logo
flashed while the NWO/Wolfpac brawl was taking place. Instead of cutting
away, though, they stuck with Goldberg coming out. Then they suddenly cut
away just as the Giant pounds him into the mat. Maybe we were meant to see
that, maybe not. Anyway, Goldberg Jackknifed and pinned the Giant shortly
after the cameras went off the air.
I guess at some point in the show they announced that instead of Hall and
Nash fighting at the PPV (which was a dumb idea to begin with), they will
instead be part of a larger eight-man tag team match between the NWO and
Wolfpac. A smart decision business-wise, though the resulting match is one
we all know doesn't mean anything. My early bet is that Hall gets the win,
hyping the eventual one-on-one showdown between he and Nash.
Explain this one to me: how can you run a show in San Antonio and not
feature ONE Mexican wrestler? Okay, I know how--I saw that this week--what
I mean is WHY would WCW do that? Clearly the home audience means much more
than the live crowd. That's not necessarily a bad thing, mind you, and I'm
not exactly complaining here. Still, it seems like WCW did the crowd a huge
injustice by not featuring one of the Guerreros, Konan, or any of the other
numerous lucha guys. Take away the three main event matches, the Norton
squash, the PPV and Hennig/Mongo matches, that left WCW with ONE match to
put together this week. Are they seriously telling us that Duggan vs. the
Barbarian is the BEST match WCW has to offer? Nash, Luger, Konan, Raven,
Saturn, Kanyon, the Giant and Hart were all in the house and NONE of them
could be put into a match?!
The really scary thing this week is that the show did so relatively well
in the ratings. They still lost to RAW, though depending on how you bend
the numbers you can come up with a tie or a statistically insignificant win
for Nitro. Given that, I'm already having nightmares about what lessons
Bischoff takes away from the show. I can see it now: from now on all of
hour one will consist of the "NWO Nite Cap". Hour two will be all
interviews. Hour three will feature past PPV main events, capped off by a
Goldberg squash and the NWO running in to close out the show.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WWF RAW is WAR:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Two Hours+.
Location: Anaheim, California.
WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler.
- Clips and still photos from the PPV open the show. After the opening,
fireworks and crowd shot Jim Ross announces some of what we'll see
tonight. Included is a "Triple Threat" match between Hunter Hearst
Helmsley, X-Pac and Rocky Maivia. Jerry Lawler will also present the PPV
Bikini Contest winner with a trophy.
- The Undertaker to the ring accompanied by his new theme music (debuted
at the PPV) and with both WWF Tag Title belts (which are new copies
featuring the same old design). There he says he and Austin are the Tag
Team Champions, though they will never really be partners until Austin
comes out and apologizes to him. "An apology? You want an apology?" asks
Vince McMahon as he and his stooges come out. Vince brings up the
"conspiracy theory" again by pointing out that the Undertaker was sure
able to easily beat Kane at the PPV, needing only one Tombstone
Piledriver to put him away. He needed three to do the same at
WrestleMania. McMahon orders the Undertaker to apologize for attacking
him last week, which resulted in him suffering a neck injury. The
Undertaker threatens to do it again. McMahon responds by announcing that
his and Austin's first Tag Title defense will be against the New Age
Outlaws. Here comes Austin and he too has a new customized World Title
belt (this one looking nothing like the belts the WWF has used for the
last ten years. This one is silver with a snake skin lined strap, bearing
a skull on the front). McMahon bids a hasty retreat. Austin, by way of
apology, flips the Undertaker off.
- VADER vs. D-LO BROWN
Another non-title match for D-Lo. Presumably he's afraid to lose his
title, so he's never going to put it up unless he has to. (That's just a
guess on my part.) They replay a clip of D-Lo winning the belt last
week. before the match he makes a Euro-Disney reference, working his two
finishers into it: the "Sky High" and the "Lowdown". They take a
commercial before starting the match.
A so-so match with a few things worth mentioning. D-Lo dominates Vader
for most of the match, actually managing to bodyslam him twice and land
a moonsault. Vader kicks out of the pin cover. Some of D-Lo's offense
before that looked weak: in particular a series of kicks and punches in
the corner. The action spills to the floor, where Vader rips off D-Lo's
chest protector and splashes him. Sliding back into the ring just before
ten he manages to get a cheap countout victory. Looks like Vader is on
the road back from being a "fat piece of sh*t!"
They show Steve Williams and Bart Gunn in their respective dressing
rooms getting ready for the next match. Ross adeptly segueways into a
short piece by mentioning that Darren Drosdov is still in the "Brawl for
All" tournament, setting up something called "Droz's World" (a direct
rip-off of MTV's "the Real World"). They show clips of Droz at home with
his snake, puking on his deck, shooting guns and talking about
"freaky, big-haired Jersey girls". He just starts to tells an anecdote
about Mark Henry when they fade out to commercial. This might have been
funny had it lasted longer than 20 seconds.
[Note: during this break I notice that Cinn-A-Burst gum commercial where
the two sharks joke about eating a pro-wrestler. This commercial plays
many times each week during both RAW and Nitro. Anyone else think the
people at Cinn-A-Burst are huge assholes for biting the hand that feeds
them? (No pun intended.)]
- BART GUNN vs. "DR. DEATH" STEVE WILLIAMS
"Brawl for All" match. The "Brawl for All" theme music is almost as cool
as Steve Blackman's. They show clips of Gunn and Doc's last fights.
Williams gets a takedown right away, contributing to his leading after
the first round. (Some yahoo in the crowd starts yelling "bor-ing!" ten
seconds in. What a jerk.) Round two sees Bart get a takedown, so that he
trails Doc 15 to 5 going into the third (Doc apparently having thrown
more punches in the first two rounds). Things suddenly get wild in the
third round as Bart takes Doc down again. Doc comes up favoring his
ankle. Gunn spots his opportunity and starts laying in some heavy
leather. A big left catches Williams in the jaw and down he goes. You
can almost see the tweety-birds circling Doc's head as the referee
declares a knockout! Williams can't even get up. Ross and Lawler do
their best to salvage some dignity for Williams by saying he'll be back.
As things are still being cleared in the ring Owen Hart's music starts
up. He makes his way to the ring as Ross hollers "what's going on?
Something's up!"
After the break they run a video promo for "WWF Sunday Night Heat" done
in the style of the "60 Minutes" ticking stopwatch. They then show a
clip of Williams being helped up the ramp. Owen, meanwhile, is in the
ring and is telling the crowd he's no nugget. He brags about beating Ken
Shamrock at the PPV and challenges any WWF Superstar to come out and
fight.
"Enough is enough, and it's time for a change!"
Out comes comedian Jason Sensation in his Owen Hart costume. After an
obligatory nose joke he whips the crowd into a "nugget!" chant. Owen
starts up the ramp with murder on his mind, but he's stopped cold by the
arrival of Dan Severn. Severn, in his suit and tie, signals that he
accepts Owen's open challenge. In the ring Owen jumps him before he can
gets his shirt and tie off. Owen works him over for a bit, then puts the
Sharpshooter on him. Severn powers out of it, maneuvering Owen into an
anklelock (drawing the biggest pop Severn's ever gotten in the WWF). He
then lays in some ugly slaps and punches (looking far less than a WWF
caliber athlete). Suddenly Ken Shamrock runs in through the crowd,
clotheslines Owen and slaps on a reverse sleeperhold. Even more suddenly
Severn attacks Shamrock! The Beast slaps the same sleeperhold on the
World's Most Dangerous Man. Steve Blackman and a bunch of referees show
up to pull the two apart. Severn vs. Shamrock moves a notch closer into
focus, (though this was a weird way to do it).
- Michael Cole tries to get comments from Shamrock but is bowled over,
taking out the interview set in the process.
- SCORPIO/FAAROOQ vs. THE DISCIPLES OF APOCALYPSE
Bradshaw sits in for color commentary, explaining his change of attitude
at the PPV. He vows to take out Terry Funk if and when he returns from
his hiatus. Later on he threatens Jerry Lawler, telling him to cut out
his "Comedy Central" jokes. They show a clip from last week of LOD Hawk
letting down his partner Animal.
A short, fast-paced, more-or-less pointless match. Scorpio looks good
but that's about it. After just a few minutes Bradshaw snaps and attacks
one of the DOA and Scorpio. He then engages in a slugfest with Faarooq
(who no-sells all of Bradshaw's punches). Everyone fills the ring and
the referees come out to break it up. Bradshaw gets in a shoving match
with Commissioner Slaughter on his way out. I guess the point of this
was to show what a bad-ass Bradshaw is.
They replay Jerry Lawler's "sneak peek" of Sable's "swimsuit" from the
PPV Free For All.
WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.
- HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY vs. X-PAC vs. ROCKY MAIVIA
"Triple Threat" match. Maivia can lose his Intercontinental Title if
Triple H or X-Pac pin each other: a stipulation which seems ridiculous
going into the match. Instead of taking this easy avenue the three, who
are all in the ring at once, go at it in earnest. Helmsley and X-Pac
alternate between double teaming and taking turns beating on the hapless
Maivia. This look bleak for the champ until Helmsley goes for a pin. All
of a sudden X-Pac pulls him off, indicating that he wants to get the pin
and thus win the title. Uh-oh. This scenario will b repeated a number of
times, with the two Degeneration X partners eventually coming to blows.
Amidst this chaos Maivia slips from the ring and allows himself to be
counted out, thus saving his title. Slightly cheap finish to what had
been a pretty good match up until then. Before the match Helmsley, when
working up the crowd, mentions that it was his birthday.
- BRAKUS vs. JESUS
In the second hour? Ugh. Total squash win for Brakus.
We get a look at Val Venis showering up for his match, though through
the frosted curtain he seems to have too many arms. Something detaches
itself from him and out from behind the curtain comes Mr. Yamaguchi's
wife!
- VAL VENIS vs. BRIAN CHRISTOPHER (w/ Scott Taylor)
The match itself is nothing special. Val gets the win with a Fisherman
Suplex. During the match Yamaguchi-san and Kaientai come out with a
samurai sword (the Marto company recreation of the Highlander katana--I
briefly owned one) and several large salami's. Christopher and Taylor
attack Venis after the match, with Taka Michinoku running out to make
the save. Afterwards Yamaguchi challenges Venis and Taka to a match
against Kainentai next week. Yamaguchi-san promises a surprise for
Venis: "I choppy choppy your pee-pee!"
- Michael Cole gets comments from LOD 2000. As Animal does all the talking
Hawk stands by looking drunk. Really.
- GODFATHER KAMA/MARK HENRY vs. LOD 2000
Kama comes to the ring with a trio of ho's. Hawk, who comes out without
his shoulder pads, trips getting into the ring. Ross mentions some kind
of bad news Hawk got a few nights back, and how he looks a bit under the
weather (a seeming invention to cover for the fact that Hawk is in "no
condition to work"). I'm not sure where they're going with this, but it
plays into the finish. Animal wrestles the whole match, unable to tag
out because Hawk seems to have nodded off. Animal manages to get Kama up
for the Devastation Device, but when Hawk climbs to the top turnbuckle
he falls off. Kama nails Animal with a Death Valley Driver and gets the
pin. Speculation is that this was some kind of shot at certain WCW
wrestlers who have been "in no condition to work" as of late. Accepting
that premise this was funny, though it made for an awful match.
Sable is in the back getting ready to accept her trophy.
- Lawler is in the ring to present the trophy to the Bikini Contest
winner. Marc Mero and Jacqueline come out also so that she can accept
the smaller runner-up trophy. After Sable comes out Lawler begins the
presentation, only to be slipped a note from the Mr. McMahon. It seems
the boss is upset with the stunt Sable pulled, so he disqualified her
from the Bikini Contest. Jacqueline is named the winner by default. Mero
and Jackie celebrate their victory. Sable says she's not surprised, and
is disappointed that McMahon wasn't man enough to do the job in person.
Out comes Vince, asking if Sable is seriously questioning his manhood.
McMahon says she owes him for bringing her back to the WWF, and when
people owe him, he usually collects. After stroking her chin (ewwwww ...
he's pulling a Bischoff!), he says she still has a place in the WWF,
"just so long as you don't become an ungrateful bitch!"
Ay carumba!!!
Sable flips him off behind his back (huge crowd reaction) then removes
her shirt, revealing a tiny tiger-striped bikini. This whole segment was
a lot hotter than I could really describe.
- "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN/THE UNDERTAKER vs. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS
Good match, hot crowd, everything we've come to expect from Austin. The
Outlaws dominate much of the match, with both Austin and the Undertaker
staying for extended lengths of time to set up hot tags. The end comes
when Austin nails Road Dog with the Stunner and covers for the pin.
Stone Cold then grabs a few beers from his cooler, heads partway up the
ramp, then comes back and tosses the Undertaker a can. The Undertaker
gives it a long look before popping it open and taking a swig. Just as
everyone is celebrating Austin and the Undertaker's seeming
reconciliation, Kane and Mankind pop up out of the blue and attack.
Kane stomps on Austin, while the Undertaker and Mankind go at it, as the
show fades out.
- Next week: Val Venis & Taka Michinoku vs. Kaientai.
Comments:
I kind of blew through the events of the last half hour of the show. I've
been writing this for two days now and I think I'm starting to hallucinate
from lack of sleep.
An entertaining show, even though the overall quality of wrestling was
lacking this week. There were two good matches and that was about it.
Everything else was fairly unpredictable, with the card for SummerSlam
being no clearer yet than what we knew (or assumed) last week or following
the PPV. Austin vs. Undertaker is set, but everything else has yet to be
announced and set up. I expected a certain batch of things to happen this
week and almost nothing I expected came to pass.
I wonder how big a blow Steve Williams losing to Bart Gunn was? The WWF
apparently was hoping for Williams to face Severn in the Brawl for All
final. I'd have to say Bart is now the favorite to win, which would
probably go over well with the fans.
The D-X tension is an unexpected twist. It'll be interesting to see if they
actually run with this, or if it's just a diversion to carry the Helmsley/
Maivia feud along until the PPV.
Not a great show, but I liked it nonetheless. Can't think of much more to
say about it than that.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bottom Line:
I realize this whole Leno thing is supposed to purposely be bad, but it's
hard to watch with detached emotion and not utterly hate Eric Bischoff.
Maybe that makes him a genius, but that's little consolation when you
figure that if I were to meet he and Vince McMahon in a room right now I'd
shake McMahon's hand; on the other hand I'd wring Bischoff's ugly chicken
neck. As he gurgled his last breath I'd tell him "yes, you did an excellent
job in making me hate you. Now go to hell where you belong! Mr. McMahon,
can I get you a coffee or something?" Whatever WCW's intentions here I can
honestly say they failed in respect to me. No, I will not buy the Road Wild
PPV to see Jay Leno. If forced to chose I would not watch Nitro any more.
This grandstand display has utterly destroyed any respect I may have had
for Bischoff (which was only of the most abstract nature to begin with).
Here is an unprecedented opportunity to make WCW bigger than ever and Eric
is squandering it by playing to his own ego. The idea here stinks, and
Bischoff's execution is terrible. Yes, I hate him like I should hate any
heel, though it's hate to the point of apathy. I hate him so much I no
longer want to see him. I don't even care of Leno does wrestle him or punch
him or beat him up or whatever. I just don't care.
I don't even have any curiosity in seeing Leno wrestle, which should be one
drawing point of this angle. There's less than two weeks to go to the PPV
and WCW hasn't even done the obvious and announced any kind of match. All
we have is Bischoff and Hogan acting stupid and Leno (rightly) making fun
of them. All we have is Hogan making threats. While wrestling fans can
safely assume "something is up", WCW has done nothing yet to hype this
thing to the point beyond drawing more than the usual diehard fans to the
PPV. The rest of the world doesn't yet know anything is up. Even regular
"Tonight Show" viewers who don't watch wrestling can't have any idea what's
going on. All Leno's doing is making fun of Hogan. Word has yet to leak to
the "mainstream" media, which means the only thing his fans can read into
it is the unusual nature of him touching upon it three times in the last
week. (He jokes about President Clinton every night, though I don't think
Leno fans expect the two of them to fight anytime soon.) Even we Internet
fans don't know exactly what's going to take place. Will Leno wrestle
Bischoff? Will it be in a tag team match? Who is Leno's partner? Is it DDP?
Will it be a tag team match, or a six-man involving others? Will Leno just
be in DDP's corner in a match against Hogan? NOBODY on the 'Net can state
with 100% certainty which it'll be. It's late Tuesday as I write this and I
just watched Leno's latest "response" on the "Tonight Show". He again
cracked jokes, treating this as all one big farce. That's perhaps the
biggest problem with all this. How can anyone possibly believe all of this
is real? WCW has tried comparing this to the Andy Kaufman/Jerry Lawler
incident. Sorry, but the two aren't even remotely similar. For starters, it
was the celebrity who was the heel, and the fans wanted to see him get
beaten up. Here Leno is the good guy and, realistically, he has absolutely
no chance of doing anything to either Hogan or Bischoff. Leno doesn't have
any kind of reputation as being anything even closely resembling an
athlete. Hell, at this point the average viewer has to assume it's Hogan
and Leno who are going to fight, not Leno and Bischoff! Hogan is the one
threatening to beat up Leno, not Bischoff. Explain to me what possible
appeal a Hogan/Leno match has (other than to Hogan fans and Leno haters)?
For all the high profile attention this is supposed to draw, the odds of
the resulting match being anything close to good or entertaining are
abysmal.
Speaking of which, just when is all this "high profile" attention supposed
to kick in? Going back to Dennis Rodman and Karl Malone, just what did WCW
get out of that. Oh sure, they popped a higher-than-average PPV buyrate,
but reaction across the board to the match itself was negative. Other than
generate some extra PPV revenue--most of which went to pay Rodman and
Malone for their participation, what else did it get WCW? Is WCW a bigger
"household name" than they were before? Arguably at best. Did the TV
ratings go up? Actually no, for the most part, they didn't. Has WCW
improved quality-wise? I think most would actually say "no", as the amount
and quality of matches done on TV and PPV seems to have decreased in the
last two or three months.
Compare that to the WWF and their gamble with Mike Tyson. Mainstream
reaction was less than positive, but it didn't seem to foster the outright
hostile reactions that were generated by Rodman and Malone in WCW. The
WWF's business, on the other hand, went through the roof. TV ratings went
up, with RAW eventually retaking the number one spot most every week. PPV
buyrates went up--not just one month, but for most of the months following.
Most importantly, the WWF took advantage of the increased exposure to
change their product, improving it drastically in the eyes of most fans. As
a WWF fan I can actually point to what has improved. I don't have to just
desperately cling to platitudes such as "well, at least they're getting a
lot of mainstream exposure out of this." I suppose that's nice for them,
but couldn't they improve their product as well? Just how long is
"mainstream exposure" supposed to make up for original angles, decent
interviews and great matches? It's nice to see the WWF featured in news
stories on ABC and Fox, seeing Steve Austin on MTV or the cover of TV
guide, and seeing Triple H show up on "Pacific Blue". What good would that
all be, though, if the WWF itself weren't putting on a show worth watching
each week?
Back to the Leno angle, almost all of the hype for this will have to take
place next week. Bischoff and Hogan may show up on the "Tonight Show" this
week, though we'll all have to watch to be sure (which pretty much shows
you what Leno is getting out of all this: viewers). Leno then MAY show up
next week on either Nitro or Thunder, though that's just a guess at best.
Then it's the PPV a week from Saturday. This could well be the biggest
angle ever in WCW and with just over a week to go they have yet to even
officially announce any kind of match!
There are times when I love being a wrestling fan, and times when I hate
it. Right now WCW is making me hate being a wrestling fan. It's stuff like
WCW is doing here that makes non-wrestling fans roll their eyes and ask me
"you DO know it's all fake, don't you?" I've no problem defending myself as
a wrestling fan, but I'll be damned if I'm going to stand there and defend
what WCW is doing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This Week's Winner: RAW.
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"Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1998 by
John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those
of "Internet Access, Inc". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for
info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week.
Volume One, Number 141 of the "Monday Night Recap", July 27th, 1998.