I ADMIT IT. I’VE ALWAYS BEEN a bit of a scorekeeper. I don’t like that about myself. But it’s true.

To be fair, I used to be way worse. I’d like to think I’ve grown as a person during the half century I’ve been on earth. And really, I mostly keep score when I feel indebted to someone.

You know, as in ‘you paid for breakfast last time so I can’t sleep peacefully until I buy you breakfast and then we’re even,’ kind of way?

But the concept that I might keep score, especially when I begin to feel as though I’m always giving and someone else is always taking, is not a foreign one to me either.

So what is my motivation for giving?

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes when I give, it’s from a place of love and compassion. But when I give because I feel indebted, or I give because I expect my giving will be reciprocated, can that truly be called giving?

I haven’t quite done that on my own siblings, but in a way I do notice myself making a mental note when a close friend has done something especially kind and generous. So yes, I do feel grateful, not indebted, to reciprocate later soon. I don’t want to forget.

And I know the friend sorta of hopes some reciprocation later on. It’s not equal or anything like that. But that’s what good friendship…a natural desire to want to give to the person and in kind, one hopes at least a patient listening ear, for hard times.

I think we have all kept score in life regarding giving and receiving. What I have learned time and time again to avoid this type of thinking, is to give and make time for me and each time I do, I feel inspired and energized to give freely and abundantly to others! Great post Disna. 😍❤️💙

It doesn’t have to be one thing or the other; it can be degrees of both. I donate to charity, in part, because it’s a nice tax break, but I also believe in the causes I donate to and want to help them out.

Self-interest is pretty hard-wired into our biology. It’s rising above that, and realizing the altruistic reasons for giving, that elevate us. We become angels by choosing to act like angels.

Different people ‘give’ in different ways. Some pay for dinner or gifts, others do a lot to help, or say wonderful things, or give hugs, or give of their time. I tend to give of my time and do things for others. Mostly I do not expect anything back. Sometimes I notice that someone may repay me in some other way than my gift to them, such as they may smile with appreciation (which is giving me a metaphorical hug) or ask to be with me (my grand-daughters). I believe that we do not have to give back in exactly the same way that was given to us.

Geez, this made me think. I think I keep score too. In a “I must pay back kind of way”. But, on the flip side, I very much enjoy, giving – period. It’s fun. I don’t ‘think’ I keep score of what I give of myself. But this is a thought provoking post, I should probably pay attention to see if I do.

Diana,
Saint Paul says: “It is in giving that we receive.”
What we receive in return may not be in the same measure given. It is greater in that the person we give to, even if simply covering a lunch check, is made to feel significant, if only in your eyes.
-Alan

I gave. They took. I gave some more. I never wanted more than kindness and friendship back. They still took. I gave up. They are no longer part of my life. It took quite a while to reconcile, but I got there. 💔

Good points, Diana. I have some of the same traits in me, and some of the same regrets about them. I think they can occasionally be of some value, however, when I run into someone who always requests and never gives yet appears to not truly be in need. The sooner I can weed out the users from my life the sooner I can continue focusing on those truly in need (who often have very kind and generous spirits.)

Genuine giving and an occasional need for balance, or to retain self-esteem, or not to be taken advantage of, or not to have efforts wasted can all exist side by side. The secondary concerns do not invalidate the first. We are only human 🙂 Well except for 🐻 🙂