Thanks to not being invited to today's secret Chrysler future product event, we're not covered by any embargoes. Good. Because that means we're able to tell you all about Chrysler's future product plans...today! Yay!

Don't call it a death rattle because it's obviously too early for that, however this product plan Chrysler unveiled today was termed by some as smoke and mirrors and others as "lipstick on a foam pig" — especially if they're unable to land the billions in funding right-quick.

Be that as it may, this is what we've learned so far from a handful of journalists in attendance (Remember to thank Chrysler PR man Rick Deneau for all this information! It's his continually shortsighted approach to the internet and a lack of desire to reach out to our readership — by specifically excluding us and Autoblog from embargo access — that made this post possible. Give Rick a big hand folks!):

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Detroit Auto Show:
There's a new conceptual member of the smoke & mirrors EV family to be revealed at Detroit, the second Jeep in the bunch — a Jeep Patriot EV!

Chicago Auto Show:
Expect to see the next generation of the chassis cab trucks Americans want to buy but Congress doesn't want Chrysler to make.

New York Auto Show:
For some reason the NY show's been all about the Jeeps. This year's no different, with the Pentastar brand showing off an all-new 2010 Jeep Grand Cherokee, complete with a 7,700 lb tow rating, an aluminum front axle and low-rolling-resistance tires. Just what every Jeep buyer ever wanted — fiction and uselessness rolled into one package (though we do hear the exterior looks pretty darn good)!

Da Future!
• Journalists were also shown a set of all-new and refreshed RWD sedans — a 2011 Chrysler 300 and 2011 Dodge Charger. The Charger was supposedly showing off design cues from the late 60s ( can someone say Challenger-like? ). Both will get all-new interiors (shown off later in the interior design studio with five other interior mock-ups). Everyone who saw the mock-ups of the exteriors said they looked "very retro" and "very cool."
• A new Dodge Durango was shown made out of foam with what was termed as a "horrible paint job" (Covered in dinoc film perhaps?).
• Some kind of new and cool internet feature allowing for everything from streaming internet access to streaming internet radio, and you can tag songs and download it later (maybe through iTunes?) and all of it on a cool tablet PC that will let you use maps and stuff. The best part? It may even let you go to shady sites like Jalopnik (unless Ricky D's got anything to say about it)!