Living Life your Way

Author: Big Girls Don't Cry

I have been thinking for a while now about the imagery we use on www.biggirlsdontcry.co.uk. I want a website that screams at the top of its lungs that we are for plus size women, we want to celebrate and show off just how beautiful plus size women are. Now this is not to say that I have anything against women who are under a size 14. I don’t. I think all women, no matter what size or shape are beautiful. There is no question of this in my mind. However this website has been aimed at size 14 plus because I am plus size and I felt there was something missing for plus size women.

I have touched on this subject before but felt I needed to revisit it. We have updated the website and we are adding new products and while we do this we are noticing more and more that brands who supply an item in a size 6 to 20 often choice to use a mobile that is at the lower end of this size range. These models are beautiful and look stunning in the lingerie however I do not feel this represents and showcases not only the women who buy from us but the women I am and what as a company we stand for.

I want a plus size woman who shop’s on our website to feel included and represented and I feel that showing “regular” size models does not do this. But the other side of this is that we are missing out on some really lovely lingerie and I want to provide as much choice as possible.

So I ask for your help. Your opinions and your experiences. Would you feel comfortable seeing images of models that are clearly not plus size on a website that is exclusively for plus size women?

Please comment or head to our facebook page and let us know what you think.

An example of the imagery we have for a size 14-20 babydoll

Kerry xx

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FAT! Its a word, just a small three letter word that causes so many problems. I am fat and I’m not afraid to say it. I used to be, I used to hate the word. It used to have such a negative connotation. It represented everything I was insecure about within myself. It represented the years of bullying, the years of hate and self loathing.

I have talked before about my size, my desire to lose weight (for my health) and how the words associated with size effect everyone differently. I wanted to discuss this more following reading some comments on a Plus Size Facebook page. One comment which I have heard and seen so many times before, a comment which has been made to me by family and by friends. The “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful” comment.

This makes me so angry. Why cant I be both? Why do I have to pick? Why does fat mean ugly?

Now I know that the comment is not normally made maliciously, it is made without the thought of how this comes across to those hearing it. It is meant as a compliment. It is meant to make someone feel better about the way they look. Unfortunately it has the opposite effect, it implies that I need to change. I need to modify the words I use and I can not use a simple descriptive, factual word without someone thinking I am being derogatory about myself. Implying that in some way I am putting myself down, that I am not positive about the way I look.

It has taken a long time for me to understand that this word is not negative. It is a factual and descriptive word. I am average height, I have mousy blonde hair, I have blue eyes and I am fat. I am not ashamed of this word. I do not feel it puts me down or takes away from the wonderful, creative, passionate person I have become. It does not define me. It does not make me less of a women. It does not control me.

So if you are reading this and you have felt frustrated by this statement, please know you are not alone. I have wanted to scream and shout and tell those saying it that they are wrong and I am both, “I am FAT and I am BEAUTIFUL” but I have always stopped myself. Well no more, from now on I will be voicing my feelings because I want the world to know that I am both and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

Kerry xx

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On the 13/04/2017 Big Girls Don’t Cry showcased some of our beautiful lingerie at our first event.We took a selection of new and popular items to show those attending and were thrilled by the response.Everyone we spoke to was positive about what we are doing and were blown away by the quality of what we have on offer.

It was wonderful to meet and talk to all you lovely ladies about what we are doing and why we are doing it.It really cemented our commitment to the website and our motives behind it.We have made some big decisions as a result and we can’t wait to share them with you over the coming weeks.

As part of the event I decided to wear one of our newest pieces.A stunning bodysuit by NineX.This is something I have never done before.I often wear a corset and I wear lingerie I love daily, for me.However wearing lingerie, such as a bodysuit was new for me.And I can honestly say I loved it.I felt amazing.The bodysuit fitted like a dream.The quality as always is superb, the details are sublime.

I felt like a new women, I felt like I could take on the world and I would look amazing doing so. I didn’t feel self-conscious as I previously thought I would, I didn’t care what anyone thought and I didn’t care that people were looking at me.I stood in front of our stall, products displayed beautifully and our logo displayed and I felt proud.Proud of what we have achieved and proud of what I have achieved personally.

I really want to share this wonderful feeling with as many people as possible. I want other women to be able to feel how I felt that night and to experience the freedom I felt.I hope that by sharing my experience I can inspire someone to try something new and to embrace their inner goddess and let her shine.

The event was hosted by local vintage inspired clothing store Bohemian Finds and it was wonderful to be amongst a crowd of people who are passionate about vintage and expressing their unique style and personalities.We feel so at home amongst people who are happy expressing themselves and it inspires us so much.The wonderful Vicky of The Powderpuff Room who works at Bohemian Finds was our contact prior to the event and was so helpful and positive about what we are doing.Vicky was there to great us along with the owner of Bohemian Finds, Gretchen.As we set up we watched as rail after rail of beautiful clothing was set up around us and all the other stall holders displayed there stunning products.

Images courtesy of Bohemian Finds and Jukebox Beauties

With music playing and the crowds gathering the atmosphere was electric, the evening’s hostesses looked incredible and the dancers were amazing.We chatted all night to those around us and the time flew by.

We would like to thank all of those involved and can’t wait for the next event!

Kerry xx

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Last Saturday Mark and I attended the Burlesque Ball at the O2 in London.We have been to Burlesque shows before but this is the biggest we have attended.The event itself was at The Brooklyn Bowl which is inside the O2, a wonderful venue with a fabulous rock and roll atmosphere.Mark and I had not been to the O2 before and loved the experience, the dome is full of a really eclectic mix of restaurants and bars.

We attended the event with our wonderful friends from “Something Wicked This Way Comes” after I won tickets in a Facebook competition run by the organisers Chaz Royal.We had good company, a fantastic venue and were about to watch 9 wonderful burlesque performances, what more could you ask for from a night out?

I love to get dressed up and this was the perfect opportunity, vintage dress, petticoat and curls in my hair, I felt like a million dollars and I think I looked it to!

Our hostess for the evening was the amazing Kiki DeVille, who I can honestly say stole the show for me, she is funny, beautiful and incredibly talented. I have not laughed so hard for a long time.Kiki was engaging from the outset and looked incredible in her “fat Elizabeth Taylor” outfit as she called it on the night.Mark was sorely disappointed she did not select him to be part of the mini Burlesque lesson for the men mid-way through the show.

The Burlesque performers were incredible and we enjoyed every single one.All were unique, sexy and very talented.I have to say I had a little soft spot for the gorgeous Whisky Falls as she is Scottish and so am I.Her performance was dark and sexy and the version of the Proclaimers 500 miles she performed to was wonderful.I loved watching as she moved around the stage and teased the audience with her bottle of whisky.

The joy of Burlesque for me is that it is all inclusive, everyone is welcome, treated equally and is completely awesome!It is a fully open community in which no one is judged on size, all the performers were beautiful, all shapes and sizes and so damn sexy!

The wonderful Lou Safire really did put the icing on the Burlesque Cake for us.He was brooding, poised and a joy to watch.It’s so wonderful to see Burlesque in all its guises and to see such a wonderful male performer is a joy.

Performance with fire is something I really enjoy, the control and the beauty of such performances leave me mesmerized and seeing such an exceptionally sexy man twirl fire with his pert behind was, well for me anyway a definite treat.

I can honestly say we would recommend Burlesque to everyone, we always have a wonderful night, we always feel welcomed, at ease and always leave feeling empowered.

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I have been thinking a lot recently about what I want to achieve and how I am choosing to get there. I am 34 and I have a wonderful family, a partner I adore and three kids, who drive me mad, make me want to scream but who I love very much and who are intelligent (sometimes too much so) and who are wonderful human beings.

I have been a mum since I was 20 and I have loved every minute of it, the ups the downs and the heartache and I will continue to love it but the kids are growing up and becoming self-sufficient which has led me to look at what I want and start to do things that are just for me. Its an odd concept which no doubt most mums feel, the idea of putting yourself first does not always come naturally. I sat down with Mark a few months ago and we had a big talk about what we wanted as a couple and as individuals, this led to a change in my job to something I have actually wanted to do for so long and it was the start of the business. The little notion that had been in the back of our minds for so long that we finally decided to make a reality. So life has been changing rapidly over the last few months to accommodate all the changes this new work direction has bought upon us. I work full time at the day job for the first time in about 8 years and then I go home and work on the business and try to make that the best it can be. I look after the kids and I look after the house. Mark has a pretty similar routine and together we make it work and it does. Really well. Some days are harder than others and some days we think we are doing too much but then we get a message from a happy customer and honestly that makes it all worthwhile.

So my thoughts have turned to what is next? What else can I achieve? I have thought for a long time about the next steps we can take with the business and we are determined that in the New Year we will start by attending some shows, get the Big Girls Don’t Cry message out there and start to meet some of our lovely ladies.

So here is the question where would you like to see us? And what goals do you have for the coming year?

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I am a Big Girl, I am a Plus Sized woman, and I am Fat and I’m not afraid to say it! Why should I be? I am who I am, it does not affect anyone else and it does not define me. This is something I have written about before and still feels so important to me.

I have struggled my whole life with body image, I have felt unattractive, unworthy and horrible. My family have always told me I am beautiful, they have been by my side and they have supported me always. But there was something in my head that stopped me from seeing the true beauty of me. And that has nothing to do with the way I look, I have written before about my size fluctuating and my health being impacted, that I am at the moment trying to lose weight and get healthy for my own personal reasons, not because I am unhappy but because I have had a serious health scare and I want to be as healthy and as fit as possible for my kids.

I have wondered if this would be judged? I am running a business for Plus Sized women and I have decided to lose weight. Does that go against what I am trying to do with Big Girls Don’t Cry? I don’t think it does, I will always understand how hard it can be for a Plus Sized woman to find elegant, sexy and well-fitting lingerie. That will never go away whatever size I am. I will always remember the feelings of self-loathing and hatred that filled my head for so long and I want to be able to share those experiences and maybe support and help other women to see their true beauty. I will never forget the wonderful feeling of finally being truly happy and knowing that I am worth love and all the good things that life brings and that will stay with me always because I am know happy. And that is nothing to do with my size but is a reflection of my inner self and how I have learnt to love me no matter how I look or what dress size I wear.

I am so lucky to have found that happiness and to have found love. Love with a man that wrote such beautiful words for this blog just two days ago. Love that has showed me that I am worth so much more than I ever let myself believe I was. Love that has provided the support and encouragement that I needed to start believing in myself. I feel so lucky to have this wonderful man and to have a support network that is not judgemental but is there for me. So I hope with Big Girls Don’t Cry we can provide that support for anyone that needs or wants it and also provide a little bit of fun and sexiness along the way.

Kerry xx

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I’m not a ‘Plus Size’ individual and I have had comments that I should not be speaking out for those that are…. I will agree that I have not directly felt and experienced what it is like dislike who you are, to look at yourself feel unhappy with what you see, I have also not experienced the bigotry and disdain that others have put upon you.

With all that said I have now been with my partner, my best friend and soulmate (Men can be soppy too) for 7 years, all her life she has felt ashamed of who she is and how she looks, her confidence shattered and broken. She has suffered body image issues to the point of depression and never felt as though she was able to be ‘her’ the ‘her’ that I see and love…initially no amount of compliment or reassurance seemed to soften these barriers she had created for herself and I became as much a part of the issue as the solution until Kerry slowly let me in and made me understand and realise the damage that had been caused.

I have and will continue to support Kerry in developing her own love for who she is, support her in seeing all the beauty she exudes not just physical but from deep within in her that only increases as her own confidence grows.

The road has been long and as a couple we have learnt huge amounts and we continue to learn and grow as individuals and as a couple.

To those that say that unless you are you can’t know…. I’ll refer them to MY ‘Plus Size’ Wife I know she will tell them that I am as much a ‘Plus Size’ person as any and know all too well the plight and struggle that is faced.

Big Girls Don’t Cry is as much a therapy as it is a business venture, it’s the next stage in Kerry’s development, this is her brainchild, this is her baby, I may be heavily involved but this is hers and I won’t detract from that…each mile stone is another confidence boost that she can and she should continue…I’m finally seeing her start to see what I see but more importantly she is seeing that she is growing and appreciating herself.

I hope that all ‘Big Girls’ can, will and do see just how amazing they are and if they don’t then maybe we can help them see it together.