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May 23, 2011

One Tree Hill Podcast: "This Is My House, This Is My Home"

One Tree Hill gave us a lovely, elegiac series finale... and then ruined it by telling us they were coming back next year. Darcel and I don't get it. Everyone's finally happy. Why do you want to screw that up? What more do you have to say? How many more times can you make Brooke cry, or have Jamie teach us a valuable lesson? Will you unload a whole psych ward full of stalkers to give the final season that little bit of extra frisson? Why have the show come full circle so beautifully if you're just going to make it spin out of control again? What gives?

As you might have guessed, we're grumpy about the show's renewal. But are we right? Listen and find out!

May 18, 2011

One Tree Hill: Happily ever after...until next season

The end-of-season calm before next season's storm

One Tree Hill ends the season on a high note, with everyone happy and content. In fact, they're so happy and content that we're kind of sorry the show got picked up for another 13 episodes. We can only imagine the show will put everyone through the wringer again, and honestly? We're not sure we can take it.

Nathan, Haley and Jamie
The cafe is open, Lydia is flourishing, Haley sings, Nathan does an adorable little "Ma Na Ma Na" lip-sync with the baby... They're happy. They're in love. Life is good. And we're thrilled for them -- they deserve it -- but "happy" and "life is good" can't sustain a series, you know? So something will have to go horribly wrong for these two next season, or what's the point of them being there?

Jamie does have a bit of a challenge when he succumbs to peer pressure and takes off the "girly" shoelace that he shares with Madison. She's hurt, she breaks up with him (you know, as much as 8-year-olds can date), he sulks, he eventually apologizes and tells her he likes her, and then they're back together again. Again, that's not going to cut it for 13 episodes next year, so we shudder to think what's in store for the kid.

May 17, 2011

One Tree Hill Podcast: "Flightless Bird, American Mouth"

One Tree Hill wound up a lot of plotlines this week, and Darcel and I are nonplussed. All that buildup for a fistfight in a creek? That's IT? And then there's Quinn -- who in the writers' room has she pissed off that she gets stuck with these plotlines? Maybe she should send them a cookie bouquet or something to get on their collective good side. Plus, Darcel and I discuss Brooke's miracle pregnancy, awkward conversations, the Air Force's seriously lax drug tests, Jamie's sporting life, ways to bring back Dan, and the natural habitat of the stripey and/or snipey plover. (I really hope it's snipey. That just sounds like the sort of bird I could respect.)

May 11, 2011

One Tree Hill: Welcome to Product Placement! Er, sorry, Puerto Rico!

Look! A convenient plot point snipey plover nest! What are the odds?

The men
Nathan, Jamie, Julian, Clay, Chase and Chuck decide to camp out by the River Court to see if they can find evidence of the snipey plover -- if they can, the court could be saved! (Of course, it's also possible if they found the bird, the area would be closed to humans so said bird could live unmolested, but the show doesn't go there.)

Ahem. ANYway. Julian sets up his camera; Clay brings his Barcalounger, cooler full of beer and flamboyant shirt; and Chuck and Jamie discover that some idiot left the keys in the bulldozer. And, as Chekhov said, "If in the first act you have left keys in a bulldozer, then in the following one a disconsolate kid should attempt to drive said bulldozer." (Or something like that.) When Chuck hears that Chase will be leaving for the Air Force, he starts up the bulldozer, which he can't drive so it accidentally destroys everything that Clay loves (bye bye, Barcalounger and Brian Boitano shirt!).

Two good things come of this (well, three, if you really disliked Clay's shirt): Chuck finally admits how much he likes Chase and will miss him, and the bulldozer miraculously uncovers a cache of snipey plover eggs, without crushing them. The River Court is saved! (Unless the scenario posited above comes into play. But we're guessing it won't.)

May 9, 2011

One Tree Hill Podcast: "The Man Who Sailed Around His Soul"

One Tree Hill wound up a lot of plotlines this week, and Darcel and I are nonplussed. All that buildup for a fistfight in a creek? That's IT? And then there's Quinn -- who in the writers' room has she pissed off that she gets stuck with these plotlines? Maybe she should send them a cookie bouquet or something to get on their collective good side. Plus, Darcel and I discuss Brooke's miracle pregnancy, awkward conversations, the Air Force's seriously lax drug tests, Jamie's sporting life, ways to bring back Dan, and the natural habitat of the stripey and/or snipey plover. (I really hope it's snipey. That just sounds like the sort of bird I could respect.)

May 4, 2011

One Tree Hill has always done a great job of finding new and emerging musicians to feature on the show, so we were thrilled to hear Kim DiVine's "Perfect Kind of Love" on the latest episode. Here, Kim talks about the song, the show, and why her music worked well with Jamie's baseball game and Quinn's spray-tan disaster. Check it out!

One Tree Hill: The fastest plot resolution in history

Seriously, Clay, was there ever any doubt that this guy was a total schmuck?

Last week, One Tree Hill gave us some hints that all was not what it seemed with the Kellerman confession and the car crash plot, plus set up a couple of cliffhangers with Brooke and Julian's potential move to New York and the possible fate of the River Court. This week, they pretty much dispensed of all these plots in 2.5 seconds. Um, ok?

The Kellerman Chronicles
Nathan shares his suspicions about Ian's guilt with Clay. So many possibilities! Will they go to the cops? Will they enact an elaborate plot to uncover the truth? Will schemes and machinations be hatched? Or will Clay, Nate and Julian just take Ian on a little road trip to the bridge where the accident occurred, then lecture him a bit, tackle him into the river a couple of times, and punch him once for good measure?

Alas, they chose the last option, which was, to our minds, kind of anticlimactic. Ian fired his agents, and Nate and Clay basically said "good riddance." Then Nate bonded with ex-professor Kellerman -- he confesses that he'd been thinking the Prof. was so Dan-like that he MUST be guilty, while Kellerman admits that he thought Nate was Ian-like and therefore a callow idiot. They share a hearty laugh about the whole misunderstanding, and then Kellerman sails away into the sunset. But first, he shares a few words of wisdom with Nate: Snipey Plover. It's a bird. And we're guessing it's a protected species whose natural habitat is River Court.

Meanwhile, Nate decides he won't be seeing Dan, because he hates to bring us joy. Sigh. (Or, you know, because Dan is evil and irredeemable, which is true, and makes him a horrible father, but also makes him so much fun to watch.

May 3, 2011

One Tree Hill Podcast: "Where Not to Look for Freedom"

We had some juicy plot developments this week on One Tree Hill, but we're guessing we won't know for sure how they'll pan out until we hear whether OTH is back for season nine. Will the River Court be condo-ized? Will Brooke and Julian move to New York? Will Nate go all Dan on Ian's ass? And will someone, for the love of all that is holy, make sure that Quinn never sings again?

Darcel and I speculate on the answers to all these questions, plus postulate about skateboard chauffeurs, reincarnated wives, ways to terrify a baby, where Mouth's next career move might take him, who's really responsible for the crash, and how a season nine might work. Plus, more plot ideas from Darcel! You know you love them...

April 27, 2011

One Tree Hill: Will everything change?

R.I.P River Court?

One Tree Hill kept the flashbacks to a minimum and doled out some plot this week -- imagine our surprise! We were less surprised by the revelation (or at least strong implication) that Ian was the drunk driver who nearly killed Brooke and Jamie, but the potential loss of the River Court was a bit of a shock. Do you think it will happen?

Goodbye to the River Court?
The River Court has been a huge part of this show since episode one, but apparently its days are numbered. The hoops are gone, and a sign proclaiming it the future home of the River View Condominiums looms. Will it really be torn down? Mouth suggests that Millie do a story on the court (hopefully not dressed as a chicken this time), which, again, duh -- why have a TV reporter on the show if you can't do an elegiac piece on this show's spiritual home?

We're guessing the court's survival depends on whether the show returns. But who knows? We could be wrong.

April 26, 2011

CW next season: Top Model All-Stars, plus the return of Gossip Girl, 90210, The Vampire Diaries and Supernatural

OK, CW fans, you can exhale now. The network announced early pickups of some of its top shows today, and we think you're going to be pleased.

First off, America's Next Top Model will return with an All-Stars edition, featuring previous model hopefuls who were "breakout characters" and who "had the most memorable stories from past cycles." Our question: Does that mean they'll be bringing back the girls who had the most potential to make it in the modeling world? Or will they concentrate on the people who brought the most drama? We're pretty sure it will be the latter...

In other, not-at-all surprising, news, the net announced it would be bringing back hit shows "The Vamprie Diaries" and "Supernatural." We couldn't imagine them dumping "Dairies," which is the network's most watched show. "Supernatural" not only survived the move to Friday nights, it thrived in what could have been a death slot. We're thrilled it will be back.

Finally, the CW confirmed what we'd already guessed -- buzz-bait shows "Gossip Girl" (which is not only the net's second most popular show with its key demo but is also a key provider of magazine-cover starlets) and "90210" (which wins big when DVR data is taken into account) will be back.

We're also interested in what's not in the announcement. TV Guide reported that Bethany Joy Galeoti and Sophia Bush had both signed on for another season of "One Tree Hill," but so far the network has remained mum. Then there's newbie dramas "Hellcats" and "Nikita" -- will they stick around? We'll let you know as soon as we hear anything!

April 25, 2011

One Tree Hill Podcast: "Quiet Little Voices"

Note: For some reason, we're STILL having trouble with our audio files on browsers other than Internet Explorer. You get the regular media player in IE, but Firefox and Safari both ask you to download a file. We're working with our podcast host to figure out the problem. In the meantime, you can get the podcast via iTunes, or listen using IE. Sorry!

We were tempted to splice in a bunch of clips from old One Tree Hill podcast and call it a day, but in the end, we're professionals. (Also, we decided that would take too much work.) Instead, Darcel and I rail against the overuse of flashbacks, then wonder what it takes to be on the OTH writing staff, because they obviously got to take a lot of time off. Why don't WE have the sort of jobs where we just have to come up with one decent line about pandas and then we can call it a day?

Until Schwahn hired us (which is looking less likely by the minute), we spend our time dissecting the few new bits of this episode, express our frustration at fickle birth moms, and wonder just what the heck was going on with that whole cracker-eating scene. Seriously. What was that?

April 20, 2011

One Tree Hill: Cue the flashback!

"Jamie, did I ever tell you the story about..." "Yeah, mom, you did." "Shut it, kid -- Roll flashback!"

One Tree Hill brings on the flashbacks as we await the arrival of Naley's and Brulian's respective babies. This mostly served to remind us how much Nathan and Haley have to flash back to, and it made Julian, Clay and Quinn seem like Hillers-come lately. And yes, Brooke got a little bit of high-school-era flashbackery, but we could tell the show was really reaching to get her a scene that didn't mention Peyton or Lucas. Sigh.

The waiting
When we broke off weeks and weeks ago, both Haley and Chloe were going into labor at the very same time. What are the odds? OK, on this show, those odds are 1-1, but we will maintain the fiction that it was a shocking development. Brooke decides not to tell anyone that she and Julian are there to get their little bundle of joy, so as not to steal Haley's thunder.

Everyone passes the time by either (1) gazing in on all the newborns and voice-overing philosophically, or (2) telling stories or otherwise flashing back to The Good Old Days. The ostensible reason for this is Jamie wants to make an instruction manual for Lydia so she can keep up with who everyone is. Sure, why not.

March 7, 2011

One Tree Hill Podcast: "The Smoker You Drink, The Player You Get "

Note: For some reason, we're STILL having trouble with our audio files on browsers other than Internet Explorer. You get the regular media player in IE, but Firefox and Safari both ask you to download a file. We're working with our podcast host to figure out the problem. In the meantime, you can get the podcast via iTunes, or listen using IE. Sorry!

One Tree Hill manages to frustrate the hell out of us just before jumping into the hiatus. Not only does it diss one of Darcel's favorite shows (and they will RUE THE DAY!), but Haley hits us with far too many pregnancy drills, Chase and random new guy poke fun at a nine-year-old in glasses, Chloe shows up unannounced inside Brooke and Julian's house, and Millie takes the words right out of Mouth's, well, mouth. Then they leave us with not one but two moms-to-be going into labor... for approximately eight weeks. Ouch!

March 2, 2011

One Tree Hill: Maybe baby

"I'm not signing anything until I get a toaster strudel."

First, the important news: One Tree Hill has moved from Ho Hos to toaster strudel. We were wondering what pastry-like product would be next on the list. Also, Haley cried wolf more than a few times in the service of making sure everyone was baby-ready, Julian and Brooke discovered they would be getting a kid sooner than they thought, Chuck found out he needs glasses, Millie discovered a talent for social commentary (and ripping off Mouth) and… oh, yeah, Nathan discovers the car that nearly killed Brooke and his son -- and it's in Ian Kellerman's garage.

Nathan and Clay and the Kellermans
Prof. Kellerman is as jerky as we remember, and he doesn't want Nate representing his kid. Whatever, prof… At least he's not letting his antipathy for Nathan affect his grades, as Nate gets an A- (given with bad grace, of course.)

The guys decide to give Ian a contract with a morals clause -- and dude, if the networks can't use that on Charlie Sheen, we're not entirely sure how it would work on Ian. Ian agrees to sign the contract if the boys beat him at beer pong. They do, and he signs, although we have no evidence that he's read the damn thing. WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE AND CONTRACTS IN THIS TOWN?!? Sigh.

But that's not the most shocking development. Nope, that comes when Nate, in a search for the bathroom during Ian's contract-signing party, stumbles across the car in the Kellerman garage. Yes, it's the car that nearly killed Brooke and Jamie. And yes, there's a booze bottle under the front seat. The only question is whether Ian or the prof was driving.

March 1, 2011

One Tree Hill Podcast: "I Think I'm Going to Like It Here"

Note: For some reason, we're STILL having trouble with our audio files on browsers other than Internet Explorer. You get the regular media player in IE, but Firefox and Safari both ask you to download a file. We're working with our podcast host to figure out the problem. In the meantime, you can get the podcast via iTunes, or listen using IE. Sorry!

Brooke gets unrighteously angry at her friends after her lies (and lies of omission) are exposed, but she STILL gets a kid. Only on One Tree Hill, folks... Granted, it helps when you've got someone giving you a toast that starts off with "Thanks for saving my kid's life..." Hard to argue against that one.

In other news, Julian chases butterflies and is adorable, Jamie dominates baseball and is adorable, Haley geeks out over Little League and is adorable, Ian Kellerman bonds with Jamie and is adorable less objectionable, and Clay and Quinn find Coma Grove, which is just plain perplexing. However, Darcel and I come up with some decent business plans, so not all is lost...

One Tree Hill: Lying always works out well...

Alas, there are apparently no photographers in Wilmington, NC.

Brooke and Julian get the call from a birth mom looking for adopters on One Tree Hill, so Brooke decides to lie like a rug in order to impress the girl. Um, Brooke? There's this thing called "Google," and kids today know how to use it. Your scheme was doomed from the start. Also, there's baseball and a baby shower, plus lots of prison talk. Yay!

Brooke and Julian and potential baby-mama
Brooke has been through the adoption rigamarole before, so she tells Julian to follow her lead when talking to the birth mom. She proceeds to tell whoppers about her family (the grandparents will be involved and supportive -- total lie), their employment situation (Julian's a big-time director and I'm a fashion designer -- true, but hardly the whole story), and just about anything else that comes up. Hell, she would have lied about her name if she thought it would help.

Chloe the birth mom is suitably impressed, so of course things have to go horribly wrong: Chloe shows up at the surprise shower Brooke is throwing for Haley, and, because no one but Haley knows who this pregnant chick is, everyone behaves like themselves. They talk about prison and jail and former drug habits and unemployment and beer chugging and everything but water-condom fights with Dave Navarro. Oops!

Chloe is appalled, but then Haley steps in with a toast to Brooke that mentions how she saved Jamie's life, and Brooke comes clean about her past. Brooke also tells Chloe how much she'll love and support and care for the kid, which eventually sways Chloe. Chloe knows that people make mistakes (she, after all, is pregnant at 19), and she wants parents who can deal with that with their child. Brooke and Julian are going to be parents!

February 21, 2011

One Tree Hill Podcast: "Valentine's Day is Over"

Note: For some reason, we're STILL having trouble with our audio files on browsers other than Internet Explorer. You get the regular media player in IE, but Firefox and Safari both ask you to download a file. We're working with our podcast host to figure out the problem. In the meantime, you can get the podcast via iTunes, or listen using IE. Sorry!

So here's the thing about this One Tree Hill podcast: I complain that there's nothing to talk about, and then Darcel and I proceed to talk about said nothing for almost 20 minutes. Either this episode was better than I thought, or we really talk too much.

We take on the Valentine's Day hijinks of all our favorites, contemplate what the massive number of role-plays portends about Brooke and Julian's marriage, sing the praises of Ho Hos (and this Hostess product wedding cake!), squee over Jamie's V-Day gift acumen, and wonder when Chase is going to call child services for Chuck. Plus, Darcel has a new scheme to get Dan back -- would you expect anything less?

February 16, 2011

One Tree Hill totally does Valentine's Day better than we do

Behold, the pinnacle of romance!

Were you feeling good about your Valentine's Day? Thought you had a nice, romantic time with your sweetie? Hah! Unless you had a private concert, a whole bunch of role-playing and a mountain of Ho Hos, you lost out. Because on One Tree Hill, they know how to do V-Day right.

Brooke and Julian
So, Brooke and Julian basically spend the entire day doing sexy role-playing games. He's the plumber, she's the amorous customer. She's the sexy French maid, he's the amorous boss. She's the babysitter, he's the lecherous parent... except that got a bit too skeezy, so they changed it to him being the babysitter and her being the lecherous parent. (That's better how, exactly?)

After a misfire with the pizza boy scenario (Julian thought she actually wanted a pizza, so she gave the delivery guy an eyeful when she opened the door), Brooke and Julian stop fooling around long enough to have an actual discussion. Julian thinks it's time they adopt a kid. He's got a touching speech about how his life wasn't complete until he found Brooke, and there's a kid out there who will complete them, etc., but we just kept thinking "Um, guys? You're not going to be able to have 12 straight hours of sexy fun time when you've got a kid." Just ask Nathan and Haley!

February 14, 2011

One Tree Hill Podcast: "Holding Out for a Hero"

Note: For some reason, we're STILL having trouble with our audio files on browsers other than Internet Explorer. You get the regular media player in IE, but Firefox and Safari both ask you to download a file. We're working with our podcast host to figure out the problem. In the meantime, you can get the podcast via iTunes, or listen using IE. Sorry!

The ladies of One Tree Hill get their superhero on, and it almost makes sense. You know, in Tree Hill world. We wonder about the effectiveness of our spandex-clad sweeties, but fortunately Baby Mama Mastermind knows all, and she's able to defeat the evildoers. Meanwhile, Clay takes on the monster that is Kellerman, Nate makes a new friend (and hopefully will have more of a storyline now), Julian gets the worst job ever, Mouth becomes a star (in a very limited sense), and Chase and Chuck actually make us care about them. Sort of. Hey, baby steps.

All that, plus Darcel and I ponder the recent rash of OTH shout-outs on other shows, and Darcel has plans for how to get Dan back on the show -- plans that involve bloody dismemberment. (Could you imagine it any other way?)