Archive for December, 2005

Avery is five years old now. That means his Bar Mitzvah will be in roughly eight years. So if Bar Mitzvah’s cost $10 million today, how much do you think I should set aside for the event in 2013?

Also, note to self: make sure someone in the band brings a naked woman to the affair, er…., party:

For his estimated $500,000, I hear that 50 Cent performed only four or five songs – and badly – though he did manage to work in the lyric, “Go shorty, it’s your bat miztvah, we gonna party like it’s your bat mitzvah.”

“Fitty and his posse smelled like an open bottle of Hennessy,” a witness told me, adding that when the departing rapper prepared to enter his limo in the loading dock, a naked woman was spotted inside.

Every year, at the University of Pennsylvania’s homecoming, my kids bring along their toy trumpets and have fun playing along with dad. It’s become a bit of a tradition for someone from the alumni magazine to shoot approximately a roll of film of the kids doing this, and then include one of them in both the online photo album and The Gazzette, the alumni magazine.

Well, this year’s version has broken with that fine tradition. Not only are there no pictures of my kids, there aren’t even any pictures from the football game. Just a bunch of shots of old folks in formal dress (some gala reception or some such thing, I guess). There’s one picture of cheerleaders, but even that’s taken indoors (as opposed to on the track during the football game where, you know, they lead cheers).