Waifu of Seasons Past, Where are They Now?

With every passing anime season the world enjoys a new batch of waifu to fawn over and bring into our basements, but as the years go by the modern waifu connoisseur has more and more to choose from. What happens, then to the waifu of seasons past that have been forgotten by the masses? The Anime Maru research team went into the field to catch up with some of the forgotten waifus of the dark times, long long ago when anime was in its infancy, also known as “before this season”.

Some waifu have managed to find success after their anime careers, turning to music after their season ended. Notably, former K-ON! starlet Tsumugi “DJ Moogz” Kotobuki is enjoying a prosperous rap career after helping revive N.W.A.

Unfortunately, a large proportion of waifu have not fared so well. While some have been able to stay clear of hardcore addictions, others have not been so lucky. Anime Maru caught up with Michael McColley, a waifu researcher who is active in keeping tabs on the waifus of days past on the subreddit /r/whereinthewaifu.

“Studies have shown that 68% of waifu are bankrupt within 4 seasons after thier anime appearance,” says McColley. “A disturbing trend are these waifu that people revered and poured their pure love into end up as just another forgotten statistic and turn to drugs, gambling, and alcohol.”

“Remember Kallen from Code Geass? Neither does anybody else, after not getting recast for the Akito series she reportedly spiraled into depression and had to be checked into a rehab facility.”

McColley’s data on the results of waifu’s descents into obscurity is staggering. Soul Eater‘s Tsubaki Nakatsukasa was apparently in critical condition until Soul Eater Halloween rewatches began early last month. Fruits Basket‘s Tooru Honda was been in a vegetative state for years and likely would’ve died had the Studio DEEN veterans’ association not been founded to provide her better care. Escaflowne‘s Hitomi Kanzaki has been comatose for years after she was found by authorities in a hotel room after particularly bad overdose. The titular Toaru Majutsu no Index star Index succumbed to a rare condition known as “seasonthreenever-itis” and died peacefully last year.

“It’s tragic, but unless we learn to take care of our waifu history is bound to repeat itself.”

The results of poor decisions. Don’t let your waifu do drugs, kids.

About the author

Having been sentenced on 3 separate occasions to commit honorable sudoku after various incidents involving lava lamps and body pillows, Steve sought sanctum against the legions of radical Haruhiists he'd enraged. He fled to a lesser-known corner of our solar system where he happened to find some free wifi and an artisan bakery that appealed to his hipster tastes.

7 thoughts on “Waifu of Seasons Past, Where are They Now?”

I hate this new wave culture that allows people to have more than one waifu.
The occasional divorce and remarriage is natural… but discarding your most treasured companion every three months is despicable.

It’s so sad seeing all of those waifus whose end up in a poor environment such as jail, mental hospital, rehab facility, and mostly on trash.
I’d like to pick them up and adopt them in my hold keeping them safe from any bad influence outside there until one of my normie friends will claim them and give them a happy live.
But eh…………. i hab no moniy.

It’s getting to the point where Japan are churning out 2.3 waifus per every lonely anime nerd. There are far too many waifus to meet demand, with most of them hitting the bargain bin not long after they first appear.

Soon enough, they’ll start living in the empty homes of refugees who once occupied Syria. It’s better than the trash by miles.