Weird Things You See When You Work In London

September 14, 2015

When you’re tired of London, you’re tired of life. Right? Not quite. London is in equal measures fascinating, challenging, exhausting and weird. We’re focusing on that last principle with this article. Because office workers are fecking mental. So have a looking at some of the weird things you see when you work in London.

Lots of People From Essex

Credit: Towie bollocks

So many dapper Dans everywhere. With their blazers and fake tan and man bags. Why is everyone from Essex? Has the apocalypse already happened? Why do they all work in London???

People Always Queuing For Travel Money

The fuck is this all about? Why are there always snaking lines outside travel exchange places? Do they serve lunch? Why hasn’t anyone told us about this? Surely the amount you save is written off by the time you waste in that queue, bumders.

Olympic-level Speed Walking

Why the hell is everyone in such a rush? Why are we always trying to overtake people? We’re meant to be living in a society!

Faux Hipsters

Otherwise known as iPhone hippies. Yeah, I don’t have a TV, but I work at a massive conglomerate. Yeah I have a beard and wear a hoodie to work, but I work at a massive international company. Yeah I have an iPhone but I don’t believe in child labour. Well done.

Sharp Elbows

Why is everyone so competitive? Oh so you went on a bike ride down your road last weekend? Nice one. I did a fucking epic 60km uphill climb in Tim-buk-fucking-tu.

The Walkie Talkie

It can just fuck off.

Tourists In Puffer Jackets

Please get out of our way. If you really need to be in The City, can you at least just all be in one place? And learn how to use an Oyster card. And stop wearing those stupid puffer jackets. We know you’re just wearing them to protect yourselves from when we bosh into you.