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Saturday, July 27, 2013

HOW BIG IS THE WAVE?

One of the things I have learned about grief is that it comes in waves. When the waves start rolling in, my first question, once I get my head above the water again, is how big are the waves and how long are they going to last? There are times that the waves are slow and lazy--filled with sweet memories that just bring a melancholy ache with them. At other times, the waves are huge and never ending, and difficult to stay on top of so that I can still breathe. And then there are the times that it is a rouge wave that comes from nowhere and pulls you under without warning, leaving me scrambling to not drown and stay lost. I am thankful for my lifeline that has always rescued me even from the biggest tidal waves.I should have suspected when I came back to the "Real World" there would be some waves-but for some reason I was hit unaware. Thankfully, my friend Sheila meeting me at the airport and having another couple of days of "Surreal World" put off the inevitable. I have had a 10 day dose of Ruston-via the mountains of Colorado and the ballgame with Sheila. Such a sweet reunion of what I had been missing and was homesick for--I had been here just long enough to begin to settle into a routine here in the Big City---a lonesome routine at times, but nevertheless a routine. Now I have been reminded of how wonderful my sweet friends are and how much I miss their day to day presence in my life.

I sat by a "Cowboy" on the plane ride from Denver to DFW and we had a short conversation before landing (I was trying to nap--little on the exhausted side). He has moved several times and asked me had I made any friends yet. I confessed only a couple. He quickly told me to begin volunteering. I answered that I volunteered a lot in my hometown, but with a busy summer schedule and many out of pocket during the summer had not had the opportunity to throw myself into the act of serving others. That will come soon--but for now I have to finish out the summer until things get cranked back up.So I am allowing myself a couple of days of waves. I am sure some of this comes from being tired and needing to rest, but it also comes from being homesick. I am driving to Austin with #3 grand in tow to pick up #1 & #2 for a few days visit with Lulu on Sunday. That will help get me over this storm of grief. After their visit next week, I am going to go to work on editing my book---already have some changes formulated in my head. I have also been contacted about training to become a mentor at the church I am attending. So my busyness will help--but for now I am treading water and trying to keep my head above the waves.