It's a BLOG Captain, but not as we know it.

Apparently I’m a D8. Apparently the D8 is MORE heroic than the other dice. I don’t get it. Does this mean that the D4 is inherently less heroic? Is the D20 more chaotic neutral? Towards that end I have added my own two cents to the mix.

D4 – You are set in your ways. When presented with options your choice is oddly predictable.

D6 – You are one of the crowd. You conform with the general population.

D8 – Although not to far removed from the mundane. You manage to find just enough dissimilarities to set yourself apart from the crowd.

D10 – People look to you whenever a major decision needs to be made. Your opinion means a lot to folks.

D12 – Your skills aren’t apparent to most folks. However once folks find out what you are good at they find you indispensible.

D20 – You are the go to guy. Everyone wants to be you. Everyone wants to have you on their side.

D30 – You are Unique. There is no classifying you. No one is quite sure what to do with you but you’re cool with that.

In our AD&D game on Sunday afternoons I play a Gnome Cleric named Nevets Belin. A follower the Lawful/Good Diety, Jahwei. For some reason, Nevets has been picking up his own followers left and right. Due to this upsurge in followers I have been contemplating Saints in the Jahwei hierarchy to flesh out the faith for better RP. So today I caught the article and book (Book Review coming), and suddenly I had my inspiration. Not all of these Saints are going to be in Jahwei’s hierarchy as He is Lawful/Good and would never condone criminal activity. But I present them here anyway.

This list inspired by page 14. The honest to goodness “Barrel of Monkeys”, I list it here as number one. I have tried to balance the list out with good and bad items.

1. Barrel of Monkeys, when opened PC must save vs. spell or be turned into a white ape. Regardless of the save vs. roll on white per turn climbs out of the barrel until remove curse is applied to the barrel.

2. Ton of Bricks, single brick that can be carried by hand. However when used as a weapon and thrown, victim his hit by the apparent force of 2000lbs of bricks.

3. Ace Up Your Sleeve, an enchanted playing card that alters probability in the PCs favor. This card must be kept secure in the PCs sleeve for the affect to work.

4. An Apple a Day, an enchanted miniature tree that grows one apple every day. The PC who consumes the apple is immune to all disease, poison, and other physical ailments for 24 hours.

5. An Axe to Grind, this axe is always dull. Attempts to sharpen it do not work. However the PCs nemesis suffers 2d10 psychic damage when the axe is sharpened.

6. Sword Beaten into a Ploughshare, this seemingly innocuous ploughshare was actually once a warforged sword. When in the PC’s possession enemies will seek a peaceful solution to the problem if not attacked first.

7. Candle Burnt at Both Ends, a two wick’d candle. When lit from both ends the PC has a burst of energy and does not need rest. Effect lasts until the candle is gone.

8. Midnight Oil, special oil for your lamp that actually grants energy to the whole party when burned in one of the party’s lamps.

9. A Can of Worms, when opened the PC has unleashed the absolute worst the dungeon can throw at the party. There is no avoiding anything. They WILL find every monster or be found.

11. Cat Nap, petting this cursed feline statue requires a save vs. spell, failure and the pc falls asleep for 1d6 rounds. Upon awakening, however PC has regained the same number of HP.

12. Bag of Hammers, The PC is dumber than this bag (no matter how high the INT score). Ask this bag any question (only once) and you will get the correct answer. For fun the DM can chose to answer a really innocuous question to reveal its existence.

13. Dry Bone, throwing this bone at any body of water will cause the body of water to dry up long enough for the PC to get across.

14. The Silver Lining, the actual silver lining of a cloud. If kept the PC will have incredibly good luck, but lousy weather will follow the party. The weather will worsen to the point the PCs will WANT to return the silver lining. However, they’ll have to put it back into the cloud.

15. Eye and Tooth Amulet, this charmed amulet with an embossed eye and tooth will cause any wound given to the PC to appear on the attacker as well.

16. Fly by the Seat of Your Pants, enchanted knickers that will allow the PC to levitate.

17. Fly on the Wall, this enchanted statue will allow the PC to see through the eyes of any fly in any room of the dungeon the PC has already visited.

18. The Frog in My Throat, picking up this statue needs a save vs. spell. Failure causes one frog per round to emerge from the PCs mouth until someone cast remove curse.

19. The Glimmer of Hope, when all seems lost this amulet will cause a faint glow to appear around the clue the PC needs to solve the dilemma.

20. Glasses of 20/20 Hindsight, when wearing these glasses the solution to the problem will become clear after failing once.

21. Hit of the Book, when smacked upside the head with this tome, the Knowledge contained within is transferred to the PC. It only work if someone else smacks the PC with the book.

22. It’s in the Cards. This RARE magical item is a D&D deck of Gambling with NO black cards. Each member of the party pulls one card and then the deck vanishes.

23. It’s in the Cards 2. The other half of the deck. same rules.

24. Jack’s Toolbelt, you know Jack, he’s good at everything. Well there was a reason why he had this magical toolbelt that gave better chances at success on ANY project. He lost the belt and you’ve found it.

25. The Unturned Stone, this looks like a normal smooth skipping stone with the exception of a mystical rune carved on one side. Turning this stone over will reveal any treasure (unless concealed by a wizard of a higher level than the PC) in the current room.

26. The Pot from the Land of Milk and Honey, this pot always contains just enough sustenance to ward off starvation.

27. Elephant Memory Charm, this amulet with an inscribed pachyderm will allow the PC to remember (even if the player doesn’t) any clue dropped by the DM. The DM should remind the PC of the clue when needed but tell how the clue solves the puzzle.

28. The Bad Apple. picking up this peice of cursed fruit spoils ALL foodstuffs in the party’s stores.

29. One Man’s Garbage, this seeming pile of trash is really on closer examination a pile of treasure.

30. The Needle in The Haystack, finding this needle in the haystack is an accomplishment. The runes inscribed on this needle grant the PC the increased ability to find secret doors.

Magical items are not everyone’s cup of tea. Some gamers have gone so far as to tell me they’ll never play a game where magic is used. Less alarmist gamers view magic and magical items as a crutch that a PC will use instead of actual battle.

One way to balance the use of magic in your game is to place curses on the magical items. “That’s great,” you say, “but where do I find some really cool curses?”

Have no fear, just roll on this handy table and viola` instant curse.

1. The Fleas of a Thousand Camels – Any attempt to use this item summons the fleas from a thousand camels. The fleas find that the PC is an acceptable new home.
2. Cortez’s Curse of Immortality – Keeping and using this treasure will grant you the same immortality from Pirates of the Caribbean.
3. Alethia’s Curse of Veritas – The Greek goddess compels the user of this item to NEVER lie. You can’t lie. There is no saving throw. Your alignment determines how much stress you are under when telling the compelled truth.
4. Eternal Night – Users of this item are cursed to live in darkness. They need torches to see in broad daylight.
5. The Curse of Eternal Shedding– You lose all your hair and it never grows back as long as the item is in your posession.
6. Haud Sapor Victus– If you have this cursed item in your inventory and eat anything without thanking your deity for the food, the food tastes like cardboard.
7. The Curse of the Monkey Poo– Using this item summons a baboon that adopts your party. If any PC does something stupid (GM discretion) the baboon flings poo at that PC.
8. The Curse of the Velico Requiro – This item curses one of the PC’s weapons at random. If any roll misses it’s target to hit by 10 or more, the miss is critical.
9. Darlington Stripe – Any vehicle the PC is operating now has a tendency to veer towards an obstacle and brush up against it.
10. Taste the Rainbow – After any rain storm the owner of this item is pelted with small colorful orbs.
11. The Curse of Lucky the Leprechaun – Everyone else is determined to wrest ownership of this item from you.
12. Atractivo Para los Gatos– Cats suddenly find you irresistible. They NEVER leave you alone.
13. Perro Orinar – Canines suddenly seem to think that your PC is a tree (if you catch my drift).
14. Levis Negotium – You are all knowing. But only really useless knowledge.
15. Carcer Extraho Carmen – You are unable to talk. You must sing everything.
16. The Curse of I.B. Flemming– Every adventure one of your pieces of gear breaks.
17. Perpes Erroris – If you fail a task with this item in your possession you will continue to fail that task on every subsequent attempt.
18. Rapio Vestri Informatio – Any idea the PC has is considered a bad idea by the party, however really good ideas are immediately suggested by another party member.
19. Molestus Sonitus – Off key music follows the party wherever the party goes.
20. Parvulus Sermo – The PC is reduced to “baby talk” for 1d6 days.
21. Amicabiliter Inconcinnus – The PC is unable to articulate themselves to the next 1d6 members of the opposite gender.
22. Parvulus Singulus Cornu – The party is adopted by a bad luck baby unicorn.
23. Iners Secuutus – The PC acquires a lower level follower. However this follower suffers from inability to do ANYTHING with any degree of success.
24. Amplus Creatura– PC is turned into a Bullywug for 1d6 days
25. Deus Non Hic– Any prayers to your deity are answered with an automated, “We’re sorry your Deity cannot answer right now.”
26. Incompertus Populus – For 1d10 days your race is completely forgotten.
27. Viagra Enzyte – Every treasure map acquired by the PC leads to bogus male enhancement potions.
28. Samson’s Saeta Fatum – If the PC ever gets a haircut his strength stat is at 10% of normal until his hair grows back to normal length.
29. Incendia Incommoditas – Fire attacks now do double damage to the PC.
30. Glacies Incommoditas – Ice attacks now do double damage to the PC

An Infinity Ring gives it’s wearer it’s infinite ability as long as the ring is worn. The Infinity Rings are listed below. These rings were forged by a wizard with a strange sense of humor, a very strange sense of humor. The rings have impressive sounding names but don’t usually provide any help to the wearer. The rings are magnetically repulsive to each other and as such a wearer is only allowed to wear one at any time. In fact if the PC is wearing one of the Infinity Rings any of the others will be pushed out of reach. The rings are made out of solid gold and the distinctive infinity symbol adorns each ring. There have been many forgeries made throughout the years. If you find one for sale, it’s probably a forgery, probably. Some of the forgeries have even been enchanted in order to fool lower lever magic users.

Roll on the table for which Ring the PC found. The PC should NOT be aware of which ring they have found.

The Ring of Infinite:
1. Trivia Knowledge – i.e. The PC knows that the artifact was forged by an armorer whose middle name is Warren, but the knowledge doesn’t actually help the party.
2. Appeal – Animals love you, all animals.
3. Spectrum – Every day your skin is a new color.
4. Pockets – Every day something random appears in one of your pockets, always the same pocket. If the item is not removed it vanishes (Item is at GM discretion and must physically fit in the pocket).
5. Stupidity – No matter how intelligent the player’s suggestion is, the other PCs will believe it to be a stupid idea. The smarter and more intelligent the idea, the dumber everyone will believe it to be. Highly intelligent PCs will eventually figure out the correlation.
6. Sidekicks – A young squire feels compelled to follow the PC at the beginning of the quest. He is destined to die horribly before the quest is over. There is nothing the PC can do to save him. A new one will follow after the squire dies.
7. Pancakes – All you can eat pancakes whenever the PC stops at a tavern.
8. Awareness – PC is no longer able to be surprised.
9. Contact – The PC runs into the same NPC everywhere.
10. Awkwardness – The PC is no longer able to articulate themselves around members of the opposite sex.
11. Smoothness – The PC is able to charm the opposite sex with a bonus to any applicable roll.
12. Surprise – Something strange and wonderful happens to the PC each session.
13. Explosions – At least once per session something explodes due to the PC’s efforts.
14. Beer – One of the PCs canteens is now a bottomless fount of beer.
15. Backfire – Magic users standing next to the PC have their spells go harmlessly wonky.
16. Death – The PC dies horribly at the end of each session. However at the start of the next of the next session the PC is back all XP and inventory intact.
17. Weather – The PC is now able to accurately predict the weather but only if the PC is being sarcastic about the forecast. If the PC states it’s probably raining in the dungeon, it is.
18. Pets – The PC gains one new swarming pet each session.
19. Healing – PC can no longer be taken to complete death, at least one hit point will remain. At the point of 1 hit point the pC falls into a coma until 10% of full HP is recovered.
20. Negative Misunderstanding – NPCs will constantly misunderstand the PC with negative results.
21. Positive Misunderstanding – NPCs will constantly misunderstand the PC with positive results.
22. Invisibility – At will the PC can become invisible, only the PC. Clothing and weapons are still visible
23. Light – Rings casts of small glow in the dark as long as PC is awake. Does not dispel magical darkness.
24. Fire – PC is able to light campfires or torches but not much else.
25. Status – PC is perceived as royalty by peasants and as high-ranking nobility by royalty but the perception is equated to the alignment of the royalty of the land. Unless the PC is Royalty than they are perceived as lowly status
26. Lookout – PC now has a sixth sense about any attack. Just enough of a warning to duck.
27. Geckos – Every encounter ends with a talking Gecko attempting to sell the PC insurance.
28. Impact – At least once per session the PC rolls percentiles. Beating the DM high something good hits the PC on the head. Missing low, something bad like an anvil falls. (Thanks to Dr. Checkmate for the name for this one).
29. Goat Witness – No matter where you are or what you are doing, when you look over your left shoulder a goat is watching you. (Thanks to Bob Schafer for this one)
30. Forgery – I never said there were 30 rings did I. The ring is mildly enchanted to grant the PC some minor magical ability but it isn’t a Ring of Infinity.

My thanks to Quest for the Staff of Genesis players for some of these ideas.

You’ve just created the most awesome dungeon known to your campaign/world/universe. Your players are chomping at the bit to actually play it. You know it, they know it but why do the PCs need to head into the dungeon?

1. A Kendar has stolen the party’s shiny stuff and scampered in.
2. Killer Mimes are patrolling the path and the party takes shelter in the dungeon.
3. Becasue it’s there.
4. It’s raining and the entrance looks to ba a nice safe shelter to wait out the storm.
5. Clowns in the village! Take shelter in the dungeon.
6. The dungeon is the only fordable pass through the (insert geogrpahic feature your party is currently traveling)
7. The Dragon has moved out.
8. The only tavern in the area is located inside.
9. The Tavern is actually the entrance to the dungeon but no one tells the party until it’s too late.
10. The only brothel in the area is located inside.
11. The Brothel is the entrance to the dungeon but no one tells the party until it’s too late.
12. Your stupid <insert party member here> thinks it’s the entrance to the tavern.
13. A powerful wizard has desguised the dungeon entrance to look like a tavern.
14. One of the Party fails a saving throw, he is now entranced and walks in. The rest of the party needs to save him.
15. Because it’s there.
16. A cute animal wanders in. Your Druid follows it.
17. A child’s scream of terror echoes from within. Your Lawful/Good characters race in.
18. The party is looking for the Hashbrow monster and is informed this is it’s lair.
19. The treasure your party is searching for is inside (I know that’s THE reason so I had to put it on the list at least once).
20. Your party was drunk.
21. Because it’s there.
22. The party hasn’t actually left the last dungeon. Being outside was all an illusion.
23. Signs along the path (Only 3 miles until Dungeon Dave’s Famous Dungeon, Only 2 miles…. etc.,) have intrigued the party.
24. The party runs into time traveling doppelgangers of themselves telling them about the ‘awesome’ treasure at the end of the dungeon.
25. The time traveling doppelgangers were actually demons tricking them inside.
26. Because it’s there.
27. Your party ran out of food. You chase small game inside the dungeon.
28. We’re not playing Dairy Farms & Dragons.
29. Because it’s there.
30. Their god transported them there for reasons of his own.

You’ve heard the old adage one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. This D30 Random Table is for when your characters stop and search places at random. Rather then tell them they find nothing, roll against this table. Who knows it might be worth something to somebody.

1. An old toupee that belonged to William Shatner.
2. An old oil lamp. Just an old lamp don’t read the inscription on the bottom though*
3. An empty turtle shell.
4. A non-functional staff of the Ori.
5. A broken compass that doesn’t point north. Just don’t read the inscription on the bottom*
6. A book with blank pages. Watch in fun as your PCs try to determine what’s magically inscribed on the pages. Only you know there’s nothing.
7. A silver disc inscribed with these strange words “Milli Vanilli’s Greatest Hits”
8. It goes zipp when it moves, buzz when it stops and whirr when it stands still. You’ll never know just what it is and I guess you never will.
9. Ron Weasly’s broken wand.
10. Luke Skywalker’s severed hand.
11. Frodo’s toenail clippings.
12. The Pooh-Blade.
13. Gandalf’s grey robe.
14. Strange blue, red, and white colored discs with the mystic words “Casino Royale” inscribed on them.
15. Glowing green rocks. Just don’t read the inscription on the bottom*
16. A golden pair of dotted cubes attached together by a string.
17. A bowl of Cheese Dip.
18. What appears to be the hilt of a broken sword. Just don’t read the inscription on the bottom*
19. A small wooden device for transport across icy terrain, it is inscribed “Rosebud”.
20. A pair of torn purple pants.
21. A Golden Ticket with the magic word “Wonka” written on it.
22. A smallish book shaped device. There is a smiling sphere on the front and the spine reads “Megadodo Publications”
23. A pair of women’s shoes, ruby-red in color. Just don’t read the inscription on the bottom*
24. A dog collar. The tag reads “SD”
25. A pile of lone socks.
26. Some stuffed animals; a grey wolf, a sloth, and a bear inscribed with the word “Uncle”.
27. A set of keys. The label reads “Porkchop Express”.
28. An Oscillation Overthruster.
29. A Flux Capacitor
30. A Watermelon

The previous D30 generators are straight lists to roll your D30 against. This article, however, is an example of how I use my D30 to generate random monsters when needed.

I have four books of monster stats; The Fiend Folio, The AD&D Monster Manual, The AD&D Monstrous Manual, and the 4E Monster Manual. Before I role I ask a player for a page number. The I roll the D30 to determine the book:
1 – No monster, the players instead encounter a trap (but I don’t tell the players).
2-8, The Fiend Folio
9-15, The AD&D Monster Manual
16-22, The Monstrous Manual
23-29, The 4e Monster Manual
30 – Enchanted Treasure.

Now that I have the book and page number I go to that book and page. Then I take the number of monsters listed on the page and divide that into 30. Three monsters means the first monster is picked on roll of 1 – 10, second monster 11 – 20 and the third on 21 – 30.

I am a firm believer in re-statting to the desired system on the fly. Of course to be able to re-stat on the fly you need a pretty good understanding of how each system works. This is just another example of the use of your D30.

Today (April 22), I joined the Order of the D30. This is one of the series of articles that I started. Each of these is the result of something my players have asked during the course of play that I no longer wanted to reply with standard stock answers.

Now that I’ve run some games, I’ve noticed that I have members of my group who stop at random intervals along the road just to search. I came up with this table to liven up these random stops.

1. Pretty Flowers
2. An overturned cart
3. An overturned cart full of treasure
4. An overturned cart full of treasure and the Goblins are already scavenging (1d6 +1 Goblins).
5. 1 D10 pieces of gold
6. a trap that affects 1 d4 party members
7. a white rabbit who appears to be late for something.
8. nothing
9. what appears to be litter but is really a map if examined closely enough.
10. what appears to be a map but is really an advertisement for Gnome Meadows, a retirement community.
11. a defaced holy symbol.
12. you don’t know what it is, but your maiden aunt had one exactly like it.
13. a collection of random keys that will open something 1% of the time.
14. a pile of lone socks. You’ve found the legendary place where socks disappear to from the laundry.
15. nothing
16. broken arrows
17. broken bones
18. It goes zip when it moves, buzz when it stops and whirr when it stands still. You’ll never know just what it is and I guess you never will.
19. nothing
20. edible plants
21. samll animals eating plants
22. what WAS a well hidden Orc den. (1d6 -1 Orcs inside)
23. 1 precious stone
24. nothing
25. lots of colored glass beads
26. stock certificates for something called a Dawtkomm (worthless)
27. a trail of white pebbles heading off into the woods.
28. a compass that doesn’t point north
29. the hilt of a sword
30. roll again: this time the item is cursed for another roll of 30 then the item is not cursed but is instead blessed by your deity.

I’ve had this in draft mode since I joined the Order of the D30 on April 22. However, G. Kinslayer beat me to the punch on April 24th in a guest post at UncleBear. Rather than scrap my list I’m acknowledging that great minds think alike. Here’s the original article:

Today (April 22), I joined the Order of the D30. Now that I am the proud owner of a D30 I need reasons to use it. Towards that end I am writing up some d30 generators. This is one of a series of articles that I’ve starting and the second one actually finished. The complete list is as follows. Links will be included once the listed post goes live.

1. The sun is shining brightly not a cloud in the sky.
2. It is cloudy.
3. It is raining.
4. It is windy.
5. It is windy and raining.
6. It is cold.
7. It is cold and raining.
8. It is cold, windy and raining.
9. It is raining heavily.
10. It is raining heavily with lots of thunder and lightning, it is a dark and stormy night.
11. It is too cold to rain so instead it is snowing.
12. It is cold, windy and snowing.
13. It is too cold to snow, exposed skin is turning blue.
14. Hailstones are falling, big ones.
15. It is snowing out of season. If you have more than two magic users in your group it is their fault.
16. It is an ice storm.
17. It is hot & muggy. You would like it to rain or snow.
18. Whatever weather the party is prepared for, it is not doing that.
19. Whatever weather the party is prepared for it is doing that but enough of it is happening that the party wasn’t prepared for it.
20. The rain stops, out comes the sun and dries up all the rain.
21. It is hot.
22. It is humid.
23. It is hot and humid.
24. It is hot, humid, and the bugs are happy, you are not.
25. It is hot and dry.
26. It is hot, dry, and windy
27. The day starts off cold but is very warm before it is done.
28. The day starts off warm but is very cold before it is done.
29. The weather forecast was incorrect.
30. Strange things are falling just not rain or snow. Roll another d30 for what.