HTML Head-tag earrings get you formatted, indexed, married (to me, at least)

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Much like the bobby pins made with microchips, if you’re a cute girl in Seattle and I see you wearing these HTML HEAD earrings, I will find a way to marry you on the spot, whether you like it or not. Bonus points if you like Warren Ellis, Clive Cussler, Transformers, cute chihuahuas, and PBR.