Barrow gang makes off with three cable networks

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Sunday, December 8. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

Bonnie & Clyde: Dead And Alive (A&E/History/Lifetime, 9 p.m.): DATELINE: YOUR TELEVISION—Notorious bank robbers and public enemies Clyde Barrow and the Barrow gang have pulled their most ambitious heist to date, simultaneously absconding with the primetime lineups of A&E, History Channel, and Lifetime. (The last presumably included at the insistence of Barrow’s gun moll, Bonnie Parker.) The outfit is considered armed and dangerous—though tough-talking Texas lawman Phil Dyess-Nugent says they’re nothing compared to another posse that cut a similar path of death and destruction across the Middle Western states.

REGULAR COVERAGEOnce Upon A Time (ABC, 8 p.m.): We were just getting a grasp on this whole “Peter Pan is Henry’s great-grandfather” thing, but now Peter Pan is Henry—and that just gives Gwen Ihnat an excuse to write her review in the style of the classic novelty tune “I’m My Own Grandpa.”

The Simpsons(Fox, 8 p.m.): Bart does a course correction on his classroom conduct after Principal Skinner promises a submarine ride to the best-behaved students at Springfield Elementary. But Dennis Perkins is quick to remind Bart that Skinner once made a promise about some mountain bikes, too…

Bob’s Burgers(Fox, 8:30 p.m.): Ooo! A Bob-and-Tina episode! It’s the best character pairing on the whole show! Although Pilot Viruet would argue that any pairing of Bob’s Burgers characters is the best pairing.

Family Guy(Fox, 9 p.m.): The show takes its first hesitant steps into its post-Brian reality—a reality that will barely count as a reality since it’s probable Brian was never meant to stay dead. “Of course not,” Alasdair Wilkins points out, a devilish glint in his eye. “‘Stay’ and ‘play dead’ are two separate tricks, after all.”

Treme (HBO, 9 p.m.): After tonight, only three more original hours of
Treme remain. Phil Dyess-Nugent is so deep in denial about the show’s end that he’s made dinner reservations at Janette’s restaurant tonight.

Homeland(Showtime, 9 p.m.): Brody is unsure of whether he can go through with his new assignment. Must have something to do with the “ghost” mentioned in the episode synopsis. “Excuse me,” says Todd VanDerWerff, a glint in his eye more devilish than that in Alasdair Wilkins’ eyes. “I believe you mean ‘g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-GHOOOOST!”

American Dad(Fox, 9:30 p.m.): Steve and Hayley become the Walter White and Jesse Pinkman of Langley’s fake ID trade, meaning they should have a body count to rival their old man’s in no time flat. “But but but but but but,” Kevin McFarland interrupts, bearing the most devilish of imagined eye glints yet. “I am the one who knocks-(off state-issued identification).”

Getting On (HBO, 10 p.m.): Tonight’s episode involves a “gentlemen caller,” and only Getting On is allowed to include such a phrase as a plot point, because only Getting On’s characters are old enough to refer to someone as a gentlemen caller. Why Sonia Saraiya never!

Masters Of Sex (Showtime, 10 p.m.): In the penultimate episode of its first season, Masters Of Sex offers an episode title that could’ve also qualified for The A.V. Club’s annual “year in band names” list: “Phallic Victory.” Sonia Saraiya would still rather listen to South Jersey Seashore Lifeguard Convention Band.

TV CLUB CLASSICDoctor Who (1 p.m.): Hello, Daleks, our old friends. We’ve come to—whoa, hold the phone… that Dalek just climbed some stairs. Evacuate before they levitate and exterminate—women and Alasdair Wilkins first!

WHAT ELSE IS ON?

The Amazing Race (CBS, 8 p.m.): Now that you know what it’s like to be a contestant on The Amazing Race, why not put that knowledge to the test of yelling instructions at the competitors in the show’s latest season finale? Scott Von Doviak would sure love having someone to yell along with him.

Naked And Afraid (Discovery, 8 p.m.): Not to be outdone by the two-hour Amazing Race finale, this Discovery series doubles up its running time and its number of competitors in a four-way battle for nude survivalist supremacy.

Dude, You’re Screwed (Discovery, 10 p.m.): When What’s On Tonight first saw this show on the schedule, we assumed it was airing on Weather Channel. Less a statement on Discovery’s rekindled love of survival shows and more an indication on how the alarmist, sub-Upworthy headlines on weather.com have rewired our brains.

When Ghosts Attack (Destination America, 10 p.m.): A season of attacking ghosts comes to a close, presumably with the big reveal that, as at the beginning of the show, no ghosts have attacked in the history of ever because there’s no such thing as ghosts. (G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-GHOSTS!, on the other hand, are totally real.)

Home Alone (AMC, 8 p.m.): Take time off from the new holiday tradition of listening to Macaulay Culkin’s pizza-themed Velvet Underground tribute act to remember the reason he can spend his time pounding out the beat to “I’m Beginning To Eat The Slice.” Look what you did, you little jerk—you made a Christmas classic!

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Raising Hope (Friday): Phil Dyess-Nugent spies with his little eyes a sitcom pulling a Hitchcock homage. (Imagine either definition of the word “spies” as What’s On Tonight’s own homage to either North By Northwest or Rear Window.)