Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

<= Also not gay......well, I guess I'm "gay" in the older definition of the word

Originally Posted by sbessiso

Yes, I really wanna thank you guys for opening up and sharing. I was kicking myself this morning for starting what I thought was a ridiculous thread that everyone was going to give me shit for but I needed some advice. By the looks of it im not the only one.

Dude, this was a great idea.....I understand where you're coming from tho, this is def flame material, thankfully the trolls have not touched it.....but really, if you can't ask the CMB (at least the locals and non-trolls) for advice about something deeply emotional and important like relationships, then who can you ask!?! Sometimes this kind of conversation, even with a very close friend IRL, can be awkward depending on the circumstance/context.....this here board I believe to be the perfect context in which to ask this type of question, cuz you can keep relative anonymity and ask a large group of people at once instead of maybe just 1 or 2 people, and therefore get more opinions and advice from multiple angles.

Anywho, just wanted to commend you for having the courage to start this thread (I'm not so sure I would have had the courage to ask the board if I were in a jam with a ladyfirend) and don't be shy about asking for advice on similar subjects if you REALLY need it like you did today. Job well done Salah.....good luck with your boy and get well......Vitamin C and herbal tea it up!

Edit: GPS, I feel like you're trolling me every time I see one of your posts cuz your avatar is so superior to mine! *JEALOUS*

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Thanks for not making me feel like a douchebag for completely unloading. I kind of needed it even if this wasn't the most appropriate venue. Lot of good advice and community and all that bullshit in here, so awesome for us. I hope being queer is something that continues to get easier in the next couple of years and decades. I have no interest in ever getting married or serving in the military, but just the plain fact of having those equal rights goes such a long way to making young gay people feel secure with who they are. And hopefully more closeted guys will live the lives they should be living and more homos will feel like they can be themselves without having to play up the stereotypes.

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

so I kinda talked to him. Maybe with time this could grow into something, but I dont think this will change past FB status at the moment. its cool i guess *shrugs*

p.s.-Been flirting with this new twink online. HE'S SO TINY

i've been seeing the same guy for 6 months pretty much daily. no facebook statuses, no talks, just good times. i hate that people think a facebook status defines a relationship. having a good time with someone you care about, that's all that matters

Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome

It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Sorry i'm late to the party guys. Salah, good job on calling him!

Rage, great advice on the volunteer stuff and actually all the bullet points.

Patrick, i've only been to Chicago once but i loved it. It's a big city, if the bar scene is not your thing, i'm sure there's other stuff you can do. The film festival is a great opportunity to volunteer (and you get to see some films for free!). I volunteered at Outfest a few years ago and it was a lot of fun. Is there a Project Angel food in your area? My BF volunteers there and he loves it. I agree with Rage that you are very smart and funny and if you feel socially awkward talking to people IRL, you can always strike up a conversation with someone you can withhold food from. J/k. The people my BF has delivered food to are always grateful for the company.

I think most of the gays on here are younger than me (I'm 33) and you're going through the whole dating/finding guy debacle. I don't want to sound like a "It's gets better" ad, but truly, it does.

Now can Huntergatherer get us back on track and post some more gay gifs please?

Originally Posted by guedita

Which healthcare provider will euthanize you the fastest as a service to society?

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Originally Posted by JorgeC

Sorry i'm late to the party guys. Salah, good job on calling him!

I'm a pussy and never actually called him. He texted me like at midnight wanting me to come over, and im thinking WTF MAN. I told him we need to work on his communication skillz and how about sometime this weekend. He says he's busy the rest of the week.

WTF MAN

new twink seems to want THIS real bad though. Maybe what I need right now is a boytoy? I hope I dont crush the tiny little thing

Originally Posted by Wayne Coyne

People treat Arcade Fire like they're the greatest thing ever and they get away with it.

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Salah. Some tough love from me...

He sounds as though his intentions are just sex. I could be interpreting what you are saying wrong, but it doesn't seem to be that way. You might have to talk to him and see if you are on the same page. If you can't do that you have to gauge your feelings and see how emotionally invested you are. I know you want a relationship and if he isn't the guy to offer that to you then you should move on no matter how much you like him. You deserve better than that.

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

A boytoy can keep you held over until something better comes along. Don't underestimate it.

And yeah, it's gotten better. And I'm fucking glad I'm no longer in Akron. There was literally no opportunities there. Here it's just a little frustrating but not impossible to meet people. I do not have an iPhone. I'm on a lot of the big guy/bear sites (the less obnoxious ones anyway) but are there any sites for people like us? Like, alternative types of guys (as awful as that term is)?

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Are the bi's and will-sleep-with-anyone's welcome?

Patrick, let me preface this by saying I think you're a great person and this is not intended to be critical of you. You do come across as a bit nervous socially. This is nothing that would turn someone off once they got to know you, but I think you can appreciate that it might deter others from approaching you if you look uncomfortable and standoffish.

Secondly, you seem to be unhappy with the state of your life right now. How much does that come across in person? I'm not saying all gays are shallow and run at a sign of trouble , but most people, given a choice, will be with someone who is happy or at least content and might shy away from pursuing something new with a person who seems to be really unhappy or who seems to have constant problems. With someone new, you expect things to be fun and easy, not to take on that person's unhappiness and problems. I'm not saying you should fake something you're not feeling, but pay attention to how much of that you project to guys you meet or are interested in.

Salah, if it's been a week, you need to man up and call him. You are getting a little crazy because you're into him. He wasn't blowing you off last time, and he probably isn't this time. But maybe he is only interested in sex. Does that bother you enough to say no to Mr. Big Wang? :P

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Originally Posted by thecapsulettes

Salah. Some tough love from me...

He sounds as though his intentions are just sex. I could be interpreting what you are saying wrong, but it doesn't seem to be that way. You might have to talk to him and see if you are on the same page. If you can't do that you have to gauge your feelings and see how emotionally invested you are. I know you want a relationship and if he isn't the guy to offer that to you then you should move on no matter how much you like him. You deserve better than that.

Grrrr the thing is I dont even know what I want. I used to think I want a boyfriend but that doesnt seem quite so true anymore.

My big problem is I mainly look for sex too. Im on "those" sites as well and I cant help it, its mainly for hookups. My original theory was ill hookup with the *right* guy eventually and it could morph into something better eventually. But im realizing that might not work.

This is embarrassing for me but ive never had a boyfriend either, and I begin to wonder if ill ever be able to even maintain a relationship IF I even get to that point. Part of the blame for me was location as well, the gay scene in Miami is pitiful believe it or not and I was getting NO play. Then I move to a city like SF where its ALL play. I went from one extreme to another and im trying to find a balance. My self-esteem and confidence has risen greatly this past year and im still very much a work in progress (arent we all?)

At some point in my life though I would like...

Originally Posted by chiapet

Salah, if it's been a week, you need to man up and call him. You are getting a little crazy because you're into him. He wasn't blowing you off last time, and he probably isn't this time. But maybe he is only interested in sex. Does that bother you enough to say no to Mr. Big Wang? :P

when youre right, youre right. and you are right. I told myself I was gunna call him today but im being such a pussy!! Have I mentioned that he IS mr big wang. its scary almost

I wanted to invite him to see interpol on monday since I had an extra ticket.

Last edited by sbessiso; 01-28-2011 at 12:27 PM.

Originally Posted by Wayne Coyne

People treat Arcade Fire like they're the greatest thing ever and they get away with it.

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

SF is exceedingly promiscuous, even in the straight world. That doesn't mean there are not tons of guys out there looking for relationships. It also doesn't mean that you can't have a relationship AND the hookups (if that's what you're after). One of the advantages of such a strong and varied scene here is, no matter what you are looking for, you can pretty much find it here if you give it time.

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Yeah. I realize I come of pretty stand offish and nervous. It can't be helped, I'm just like that. I don't really know how to overcome that to meet people. Other than drinking.

I know I kind of bitch and whine on here a lot, but in real life, I'm not always a downer. Even when I'm feeling really shitty and distraught over something, I tend to try to act pleasant and joke around and shit. I don't project a lot of my negativity out when I try to meet new people and if I mention any thing negative I try to do so in an optimistic way (like "Things have been a little rough but next month should be really fun" kinds of stuff). But I also try not to misrepresent myself. I'm a cynical hateful bastard in a lot of ways and I can't pretend to be puking up sunshiney rainbows.

Anyway, I don't think that's the problem since most guys don't even get to the point where we have a real conversation. They just reject me based on (mostly) looks and personal profile information (which I don't bitch or whine) without even bothering to find out anything about me.

I do self sabotage some times though. I'm really bad at keeping in touch with people, especially new people I'm trying to become friends with. I hate feeling like I bothering someone by being over-persistant, so I err a little too far on the "let them make the next move" attitude.

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Yeah, dude, balance is hard. I'm not like dying to get into a really serious relationship or anything. Ideally, I'd like to find someone I can sleep with and then go hang out with afterward at a bar or a show or a movie. And do it on a regular basis. And still be open and flexible and whatever. I some times feel like I fuck things up by jumping straight to sex, but my hormones are out of fucking control and I need to get off before I can calm the hell down and be myself around a prospective friend/fuckbuddy/etc.

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

Originally Posted by SoulDischarge

are there any sites for people like us? Like, alternative types of guys (as awful as that term is)?

Ah, the gipster!

Originally Posted by UrbanDictionary

gipster (n)
Gay hipsters; gay (sometimes bisexual) male akin to the indie community. Has elegant taste in films (Bergman, Allen, Trier, Almodovar, Godard, and Wong are very popular in this group), music (ranging from Joanna Newsom's Ys to Broken Social Scene, Final Fantasy, Deerhunter, Björk, Animal Collective, Grizzly Bear, of Montreal, Patrick Wolf, The Fiery Furnaces, electronica, and usually what is actually good, not just indie) literature (almost all are writers), art (Most are not artistically capable, but interest is undoubtedly present. Some make art, regardless of ability and skill.) etc. Often vegan or vegetarian, some European exceptions. Also, statistically either a Taurus or a Gemeni. Can speak more than one or two languages. (French and Swedish are very common; the former nearly mandatory.) Sex and the City, Skins, and Absolutely Fabulous are essential for television, as well as an ironic TV series on which Lifetime: Television for Women airs reruns. (The Golden Girls and Roseanne are most common.) They usually smoke weed and/or drink alcohol regularly. Major, gay-friendly cities will attract them; the Bay Area and Chicago are most common. Librarians in later life; known for sense of fashion.
2006 was truly a gipster's dream come true for music with such releases as The Knife's Silent Shout, Grizzly Bear's Yellow House, Owen Pallett's sophmore, and, of course, the crown jewel gipster garabe (hipster garabe)... Ys by Joanna Newsom.

You know what, you can find gipsters on all those sites (especially Dlist.com) but I don't think there's one devoted to them. I'd LOVE that; definitely appears to be an opportunity in the market. Wanna start one? (Famous first line from The Gay Social Network?)

Re: The Gays* Only Thread

You know, I just posed this question to a friend of mine who used to work for match.com and he recommended Lovetastic, which appears to have been taken over by OKCupid. OkCupid's free and has a nice vibe. http://www.okcupid.com/lovetastic