So I read it and while it's an interesting concept, nothing really stuck out to me. Nothing was really… memorable. I would suggest picking one aspect and narrowing your focus on it to make things stand out and make this more memorable, but it's all up to you.

Going to kind of agree here. I felt like I kind of wanted more of the story—maybe make this a tale so we can get a perspective other than that of the Foundation?

I liked the red string of fate reference, but I kind of wanted to have more information about the coelacanth and the summoner guy. It felt like I only had part of the story here, and it wasn't the interesting part. Seems like you could get into more lore/fantasy here, but it just didn't happen?