Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out: My Overwhelmed Glass

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out. There isn't ever a theme or topic that you have to blog about- it's completely a personal thing.

Please grab the button for your post and link up!

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

I usually can let things roll right off my back.

Laugh them off, because it's better than crying.

And, if it's something I can't change, why bother getting all stressed out about it?

But, every once in a while, it all seems to pile up and bury me. I get overwhelmed.

And it might even appear to those who don't know me very well that it was something vey small that seemed to set me off and cause me to have a breakdown of sorts.

But, it's the sum total of a bunch of things, both big and small, that can crush me.

In no particular order, I'm going to tell you what led me to being emotionally spent last week. Most of these things on their own wouldn't have been enough to do it. But, all of them together was too much.

I found out very sad news about my sil. That I can't share.

It was the kind of hot where you can't breathe.

I had to break horrible news to one of my favorite people on the planet. I think it's actually the hardest thing that I've ever had to tell someone. Perhaps this is a post in itself, but I'm not up to it right now. It might be next week's PYHO, if I can ever wrap my head around it.

Someone I thought was a friend totally trashed me for no other reason than that it's the cool thing to do to go along with a group.

I miss my best friend. Last summer, we got to see each other at least once a week, sometimes more. And I could just drop by her house any time. I haven't seen her since October because we moved.

I feel lonely.

Hubs promised me a super-cool birthday present before he really knew if he could pull it off- and he couldn't. Not a big deal, but I wish he hadn't told me about it like it was already a done deal.

My boys were spending too much time together and it was leading to nasty fights. They love each other, but only if they can actually get a break from each other.

Our air conditioner wasn't working right.

Our dvr is busted.

I spilled milk on my blackberry so I couldn't talk to anyone.

My house was a mess and I was feeling too overwhelmed to do anything about it.

I felt fat.

I wondered if I had actually made the right decision about Bear's preschool. If you are new here, he has some challenges which makes it harder to find the right school.

I questioned if maybe I should find a way to work because then both Bear and Monkey could go to the private school where I'd most likely be able to get a job.

Someone very close to my family is very sick. Again, no details with this one. But, it's scary and if she can't get better...well, I just don't want to think about it. She's way too young for this.

My mom yelled at me for not driving 600+ miles for a bridal shower.

Cub had bizarre stings on him that I have no idea how he got and I must be a horrible mom if I don't know how he got them.

Hubs asked me at the last minute to make a dinner for his friend's family, since the wife just had a baby. This, I wanted to do, but at the last second and having to turn on the oven in a house where the air conditioning wasn't working didn't sit well with me.

Monkey is testing me all. the. time.

I got snubbed by the moms in my boys' swim class for a reason that's so stupid, but it's common in this town.

I lost my car keys and my purse. I found them, but not being able to find them was stressful.

I really wanted a gyro and the place that makes really good ones closed 5 minutes before I got there.

Bil snapped at me for not having what he wanted to drink stocked in our house.

Now, you might look at that list and roll your eyes and think that none of it is a big deal or that a few of them are a big deal, but that I should have been able to forget about the rest.

And you're right. Some of the things on that list are so silly that it's ridiculous for me to even mention them. But, when they come on top of the bigger things and all come at once- it's just too much for me.

I shut down.

Or I cry. And it looks to the world like I'm crying my eyes out because my dvr is busted or I can't have a gyro. But, that's not it at all.

It's the sum total of all the suckiness that gets me.

I did manage to pick myself up out of that funk. By crying, venting(thanks to some of you who put up with my whiny emails last week), spending time with my kids, getting to spend time alone, having a Hubs who knew I was feeling like this. It all helped.

But, sometimes I feel like it all could come crashing down again- that feeling of being totally overwhelmed and wanting to shut down.

Does that happen to you? How do you get yourself out of it?

Could you please vote for me in the Not Mom of the Year contest? One vote per day. If you missed my post, you can read it HERE.

102 Comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you had such a terrible week. I know when I have those times, my Hubs has no idea why I'm crying over the fact that I burned the pizza or that I can't find my shoes.I wish I had a magic answer that could make you feel better, but I don't. I find that talking about it, and blogging about it really helps - so hopefully just getting it out here will do you a world of good!

Aww, I know exactly how you feel. It all starts to pile up emotionally and you have to cry. It's okay and no, those things no matter how big or small they may seem to us, are still something to you. Each individual person handles things their own way and if they put you in that funk it's okay. A good cry make not make it go away but it feels good. Hope that some of the things work out and I'm sure Bear will be fine. I'm praying that your fears are wrong and he does fine. And those snobs at swim lessons, those mb's!

I handle things the same exact way! and then The Boy thinks Im psycho because I flip over the tiniest things but its just the small thing, it everything else too. I feel for you. I'm sending good thoughts your way ♥

ohhh i think those moments happen for everyone and if they say they don't they are freakin lying

and when i have those days (weeks)i drive or hide in my craft room and glue shit together or sew straight lines that aren't for anything, or i get lost in a bookmostly i just wait until my brain wakes back up and says hey chill out, relax, and tackle the little things!

This sounds like the perfect book. You could model it after Alexander--you know--Shell and the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad week!

About once every three months everything boils over with me. I'm a yeller so I generally freak out over something stupid (like a smashed blueberry on the floor), vent like crazy, apologize like crazy, pray like crazy and move on.

I completely understand all of what you just wrote. You should check out my post from Monday and you'll understand how much I understand you!!!It's hard not to feel overwhelmed when there is that much stuff going on. I think it's almost worse when it's just one little thing after the other. I've been a crying fool lately and sometimes it helps and other times...well...it is what it is. It's ok to vent and none of that was stupid stuff. When it rains it pours! Keep your head up and know that things will get better....I wish I could take my own advice!!!

OK I know I host a carnival myself on this day but I so miss doing this one.. and this is why.. I totally get it TOTALLY.. the situation with my mom has just been the tip of a long tipping iceberg for me if you will..

Oh sis...I wish you would of shared the heaviness you were going through with me. I know I was emotional myself with all the funerals I have been dealt. I am always here for you...I miss our emails...A LOT! This summer has sucked the life out of me and sounds like it has sucked the life out of you too! I could relate to so many of the issues you were facing! I wish I could give you a great big hug! Sending you lots of love and let me know how I can help! I will be praying for your SIL! Hang in there girlfriend!

Im really sorry about your troubles right now. I pray u find some peace through the bad times, stressful situations, sad realities and come out smiling. You are a great mom, dont be so hard on yourself. Hugs

I was feeling this same way yesterday...well not only yesterday its been a lingering feeling for quite some time because so much has happened in my life both big and small but it seems to be all at once.

I tweeted this yesterday and I just remembered it as I was reading your post, "Sometimes life throws so much at you all at once.That all you can really do; is sit back,reflect on the good,smile and then keep on going."

I so, totally identify with this. The tiniest thing can break me down when I get totally overwhelmed like that. I try so hard to be strong for my family, and sometimes I just can't take it any more. And those are bad, bad times.I'm really sorry you're going through so much. And thanks for giving us somewhere to pour our hearts out.xoxo

Sorry you had such a bad week :( I'm good for doing the same thing. Letting it all build up then having something small & silly make me break. Like someone eating the last Reese's PB Cup! Heaven help that person if momma's having a bad day!!! lol

It is the large quantities of the little things that can suck the joy out of life and the breath out of your lungs. And I do exactly what you do-a good cry and a few hours by myself is usually enough to shake the funk off. Much love, friend.

I'm sorry that you have so much on your plate right now! I feel overwhelmed each day. Everyday passes by and I think to myself that I will never get to a place where everything is as I want it to be. I just shut down and watch tv. Its my escape for EVERYTHING. I love being sucked away and transported into someone else's drama. Maybe a little too much, lol! Thinking about you and hoping that your boys stop fighting. My boys are driving each other nuts too so I know how you feel. Hang in there :D

I can relate FOR SURE. I am one of those people that thinks I am responsible for everyone and everyTHING that goes on around the house. It all piles up on me and then I end up freaking out. I TRY to tell myself that I CAN delegate responsibility. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

I thought I was the only person who let all of those type of things add up and take me down. And yes, everyone always thinks it's one small thing that makes you break.

Some of those "little things" on your list could even come right off my list. It all gets overwhelming. As I read your list though, none of seemed as small as you imply. Especially when they are all there at the same time.

Oh Shell I can completely understand. I am the same exact way. One day I will have enough and get so down and cry...usually that feels better. I hate feeling alone or unmotivated. {hugs}, I am so sorry you are going through this and hopefully it will pass soon :)

I so understand. I got about halfway through your list and thought,"Yup, that'd do it for me!" and then I kept reading and reading... I think it's a miracle you're still standing... I would have been in a fetal position after all of that... and no, I'm not kidding!

The thing I love about blogging and finding like-minded bloggers is that you realize it's not just you and that the same things happen to other people in other places and you are not the only one feeling/thinking that way. So I'm glad things have turned around this week, am thanking you for sharing, and sending prayers for those that need it.

Shell, I wish I could give you a big hug, bring coffee and hang out today. This list is totally worthy of being overwhelemed, and I'm the same way. One thing, ok. Even a couple or three things, but it always seems to all happen at once. Hang in there! I'm glad your hubs understands you, that makes all the difference in the world for me sometimes.

I remember busting out in tears because somebody drank my last Cherry Coke. The kids thought I was crazy (but don't get the last drink anymore). That was just the straw that broke the camel's back. And quite often I (& probably you) feel like a camel, carrying all of these burdens on your back. If I was there, I'd give you a Xanax! :) and a hug!

My post today is about this very same thing. I hoard all the things, thoughts, emotions, etc. in my little mind and then I'll go to get coffee and donuts and the store won't have what I really want and I will turn into a crying mess.

Blogging is my therapy. I hope you found some outlet by writing yours as well.

shell it is so easy to get overwhelmed and the small things really stack up and make you feel out of control.. it happens to the best of us. Sometimes i get all in a tizzy and cry my eyes out because i dropped my keys for the 10th time trying to get out the door.. its not that i dropped the keys (bc that sounds silly) but that on top of everything else sends me in a whirl wind.. its easy to get overwhelmed but just know that you are normal..it happens to the best of us! you are a great person, a great friend, a wonderful mother. I know i dont know you personally but just from reading what you put on here i do know that! Keep your chin up hun..bad days will come and go but never let yourself feel like youre not doing something wonderful or touching other people with your kindness.

I'm not a hugger (except with my kiddies), but I really want to give you a hug after reading that post...one, I know how much it SUCKS to have a loved one get bad news (my dad is fighting leukemia) and I know how much is SUCKS to have everything pile up and you feel like having a breakdown and you feel ridiculous that you're breaking point was something mundane. I also know how much it SUCKS to be excluded from the cliques b/c you're new to a town (been there, down that, many times). And I could go on with the other things I can sooo relate to...but most of all I want to give you a hug b/c once again, you've made me feel somewhat NORMAL and not like such a freak on a cracker. Thanks for that :)

I think all those things sound unpleasant... and I can definitely relate to having "small" stressors overwhelm me. And honestly, I didn't think those things you mentioned were small. Some of them sound really tough. I hope you are able to get through it - good luck. It's always nice to have a good cry and vent. Good luck.

It is amazing how feeling fat always put a nice cherry on top! I can totally relate. It is the sum total of events and the smallests things can push you over sometimes! You rock! Those women at the pool are SNOBS and totally don't know what they are missing! I will be on the NC coast this summer we will have to hook up!

I hate it when there is a week or longer that is just filled with little things and big things that are hard to deal with.

The reason I didn't do PYHO last week or this week is because I feel like all I've been doing on my blog lately is pour my heart out because we are in such a difficulime with our daughter and her behavior lately (did you read- she threw a trashcan at school!!). Because of the stress of that situation, everything else that is small and glide-over-able on any other day feels HUGE right now. I don't even have the energy at night to do dishes and my kitchen is a disaster and has been a disaster for 3 days and because I'm at work all day and then come home to face disappointing news about her day at school and then have to deal with her bedtime meltdown for an hour or more...

I know exactly how you feel. It took my hubs a long time to realize that I wasn't *really* crying and throwing a fit over the dog hair all over the house. Sometimes life just gets too overwhelming and we need to vent it out. I call girlfriends or head to the basement to rant and rave, sometimes I just have a serious cry fest, pick myself up, dust myself off and tackle what needs tackling.

I try to let things roll off my back, but I think deep down they effect me, even if I don't realize it at first. Then something little happens and everything falls to pieces. I yell and scream and cry.

Shell, I am so sorry about all of this. Even the gyro. And you are not alone at all... the other night I went to bed in tears because my dog literally barked from 2pm until after 10pm. Nothing I did, said, yelled, hit her with, would make her stop. And we had nothing I wanted to eat so I scrounged up a stirfry... and found out after I made it that we were out of soy sauce. My mother was ignoring me on the phone when I tried to talk to her, and when J got home he FOUND the soy sauce, 2 hours after I had eaten dry stirfry. So none of that was worth crying over, but yes, I went to bed in tears. I hope everything gets better for you, I will be thinking of you!

Um. That's a hella lotta stuff to deal with.When I'm overwhelmed, I shut down hard core. On the inside. On the outside? People wouldn't have a clue. I "smile and wave" and go through the motions. One foot in front of the other. That shit ain't healthy, I'll tell you that much. But you gotta do what you gotta do.Here's to a FAB week ahead, MmmKay?

I'm new here ,,but I totally understand how you feel. In fact my mom was just telling John (My hubbY) this after he was telling her that he was worried about me yelling at the boys.

She said, "John , Kir yells because she doesn't just see the mess they are making now, she sees the mess and now she has to make time to clean it up, along with that she is seeing the laundry and the personal stuff she is dealing with inside and trying to be a good mom , a good wife, a good worker etc...and that's what pushes her over the edge. " I'll tell you John sort of "gets it" now.

Now that I wrote a book, I just wanted to tell you that I hope that everything gets better soon. That the bad news gets much better soon, that your heart doesn't have to deal with something terrible.

thinking of you...thanks for sharing this, maybe just writing it out helped too. HUGS

Oh sweetie, I wish I could give you a hug! I understand how you feel, those weeks are rough. I'm so sorry you're going through so much (as well as your family members). I really hope things improve, and that this week gives you a chance to breathe!

Sadly? This is how I am a lot of the time. Without kids? Which is why sometimes I question if I'll be able to add them to the mix. And that was a lot for one week- "small" things or not, it added up, and it added up quickly. I'm glad you're feeling better, and I'm glad your husband understood.

Doesn't it seem like that cliche saying ... when it rains, it pours? I don't think that most of these things sound small at all! Any ONE of them might have overwhelmed me. You're so strong, but everyone needs a break from time to time. Let me know if you need anything!

I get it. When I'm overwhelmed like that I DO shutdown. I have to in order to put things in perspective. I have to tell myself that my broken camera isn't a big deal, so what if the lawn hasn't been mown, etc. A few glasses of wine doesn't hurt either. o_O

Sometimes you just have to yell "oh sh#t!!!" When life comes at you like that how can you not want to shut down! That is a lot to handle all at once....that is why I took a vacation! But now wondering if that actually helped or made things worse.

Just not having a working air conditioner would make me overwhelmed because I find that if you are hot things seem so much worse! I hope that venting helped and I pray that your family members are all okay.

When life throws me crap I shut down, I turn on my ipod put in my head phones and sweat it out with exercise. Sometimes I just have to have a drink because that does calm my nerves.

The good news is that you are not alone- but I know that even knowing that does not help. I feel that way so often lately... and I think the realization that it can happen at any time is actually empowering because we know what to look for. Sometimes it might take a little bit longer to climb out of the funk, but having finally been able to let go last week and relax for the first time in I don't know how long, I now remember how "good" can feel. xoxoxoxoand for the record---despite your feeling crummy, you are amazing amazing mom, friend, writer... xo

We are being tested all the time and it's so hard. This month has been a particularly hard one for me too and I hate it. You are a great friend and example girl. I am sorry to hear about those who are ill. Life doesn't make sense at times. Love you Shell. xoxo

That happens to me once every few months. I just get to a point where I can't take anymore and I need to break down and cry, have some wine and complain about it. Then I feel better, and move on. We all go through this, some more than others. Everyone has bad days/weeks. *HUGS* Love ya big sis!

I hear ya! Sometimes it's all the little things that back up and overwhelm me. I usually try not to beat myself up over it all. It is really hard. Learning to console myself and allowing myself to cry is a good beginning. The other is, when I break down, it is bc I haven't spent much time doing things that I love, that make me happy. I try to spend a little time on me. Ad I have to admit, you get to a certain point and making friends just gets harder.

GAH! What a crappy week! I was trying to explain to my husband a couple of months ago why I was having a ginormous meltdown... he thought I was overly emotional b/c my computer crashed. It was THAT plus a TON of other little things that just snowballed.

I COMPLETELY understand! I feel like all my post lately (that I manage to get in) are about this. It's so hard! I'm sorry you've had such a hard time! I try to remember that it will get better, and I do all the things you did. Hang in there! Thanks for sharing - it's always good to know we are alone!

I cry over little things, but it's all the bigger things that lead to this. The other day, I felt all alone and friendless....Emma took her diaper off and smeared shit all over the place and herself, and it made me cry.

I totally understand...its always the little things that add up and break you down. You can get through it though...even the big things. My best friend moved all the way across the country about 2 months ago too...its very very sad and hard and I miss her everyday. Keep your head up and things will turn up...they always do!

Those things are not silly, as I read the list I kept feeling worse and worse for you. You have a lot! Those dunks are the worst. When I get in one I try and just let go and really play with my kids for a bit. Everything seems simple and okay in a child's eyes.

That is ALOT to handle all at once...hell, it's alot even if you break it up into bits and pieces. Therefore, I give you credit for not doing more than just crying! You are ok...and you have people that support you and feel what you are feeling. Remember that. *hugs*

As you say, one or more of those incidents taken in isolation is usually water off a duck's back but the cumulative effect of so many little and not so little hurts, disappointments and news of those you love and care for being sick and a whole bunch of other things then yes, even the duck would be left helplessly swimming against the tide and would be lost in the rapids and over the edge for sure. Sorry you had such a rotten week and any time you need a virtual hug or ear to bend there is one here ready and waiting!

sorry all this happened last week! I have had a lot of junk happen lately!I ,too tend to shut down but i am trying to change that.Having someone to talk/vent to really helps!I also go for a run and/or go to gym and blast it out!sometimes i just lay down and take a nap w my twinkies!It usually gets better soon but i have to make myself try!

Oh girl, those are not little things. Each and every one of them would be a reason to cry. I am so sorry you had such a tough week. And whoever's being ugly to you, point me in their direction.

And I'm sure you have a lot of friends shoulder's you can cry on, but I'm always here and my fingers can fly on the keyboard, straight to you and your sad heart. I'm sorry. I hope your week is a better one.

I don't think your list is at all silly. I could feel how overwhelming it all must have been as I kept reading. Like you said, it all just piles up. The big and the little things.

I've linked up two posts - one I wrote specially for this linky... but after reading some of your list (feeling like you're fat?), I thought I'd encourage you with the other one I wrote on Tuesday. Is that greedy???

Well some of those things don't sound very little. I totally understand how you feel that little things compounded with big things can just make you feel weighed down and sometimes break you. I really hope things turn out with your family member. It's so hard when someone so young gets sick.Hope you feel better too. :) {HUGS}

Aaaagghhhh, is today Wednesday??? I had a totally good PYHO post that I wrote a couple weeks ago but totally forgot what day of the week it was!!! Okay, I'll remember it for next week.

Anyway, so sorry you had a bad week. None of those things are silly...I could see myself getting just as upset over the most serious things (the illness) to even what may seem like the most mundane things (like the boys fighting with one another). You roll all that stuff up into a matter of just a few days and it's enough to make you want to cry for months.

And sometimes a good cry can make everything better...or a chilled glass of wine or just some good old-fashioned sex. Everyone has their poison, right?

Hey Shell! Hang in there! I know this is tough but sometimes a whole bunch of little things are harder to handle than one big thing. I get overwhelmed too. Just remember that this too shall pass. I know that sounds like an easy answer and it's not but remember that we all love you & we're praying for you! :)

So sorry you're having a tough time. I know how it can feel when the straw finally breaks the camel's back and all of the little things that would have been manageable on their own suddenly seem overwhelming. (Sarah in the previous comment stole what I was going to say, but . . . ) remember that this too shall pass. In the meantime, just do what you need to to take care of yourself and survive until things look brighter!

Oh Shell...That is a TON of crap on your plate. If I had to deal with even 1/2 of it I'd have crumbled, and I take pills every day as it is!

Sweetie, your expectations of yourself are way too high. The heat this summer alone is enough to make me want to serve cold pasta salads every night. I hate using my oven in summer. I also think the heat makes the kids fight more.

Screw the moms who were mean and the friend who lost you. Yes, she LOST you b/c you are worth a lot---and you're likely better off without her.

As for hubs, he shouldn't have mentioned the present if he wasn't sure. not your fault/problem. And he shouldn't have added the pressure of the dinner for friends with the other sad news/issues you were already dealing with.

You sound like a saint to me.

How do I deal? I cry. I used to cut myself (which is much easier to write in your comments, though I have thought about blogging about it---but would freak people out). I used to have panic attacks. Now I try to call a friend. I try to go in the other room and close the door and take deep breaths. I also take medication.

Sorry this is a novel. I hope you are feeling better. Hang in there, sweetie!