Craig Robinson: How old is
Wrigley anyway?
Craig Robinson: Do you even have
electricity?
Nick Offerman: It's powered by tradition
my friend. It's something
Nick Offerman: you wouldn't know about
at mobile phone park.
Craig Robinson: Someone should trim those
weeds on your outfield walls.
Nick Offerman: It's called ivy. As in
ivy league.
Craig Robinson: A bush.
As in bush league.
Nick Offerman: The only cleaning up your
cleanup hitters know
Nick Offerman: about involves
cleaning supplies.
Craig Robinson: Is that your team ERA
or your shoe size?
Nick Offerman: Your infield has more
holes than a Swiss Cheese doughnut.
Craig Robinson: The last Cub to throw a
no-hitter was your
Craig Robinson: pitching machine.
Nick Offerman: Even our handsomely
coiffed ex-governor
Nick Offerman: wouldn't try to sell a
White Sox seat.
Craig Robinson: Last time your leadoff
hitter got to second base
Craig Robinson: was at his high
school prom.
Nick Offerman: You know what? I've heard
that for the White Sox
Nick Offerman: DH stands for don't
have-talent.
Craig Robinson: Have-talent is
one word.
Nick Offerman: Yes it is.
Craig Robinson: Do you realize your
great, great, great,
Craig Robinson: great grandfather wasn't
even born the last time
Craig Robinson: the Cubs won
a Series?
Nick Offerman: You see this C? It
stands for Chicago.
Nick Offerman: All you got on your hat
is a stocking. Something
Nick Offerman: puppies like to chew
on for recreation.
Craig Robinson: Your logo is a cute
little baby bear I feel
Craig Robinson: like I should give to me
daughter for her birthday.
Nick Offerman: Cubs are the strong
foundation from which
Nick Offerman: grows a mighty beast.
Craig Robinson: Wrigley Field isn't
even real Chicago.
Craig Robinson: Once you get north of
Division Street, you might
Craig Robinson: as well be in Wisconsin.
You can't even get a decent
Craig Robinson: slice of pizza. I had
better pizza in New York.
[baseball TV call]
Sports Commentator: That ends the
rally for the inning.
Sports Commentator: 3 hits. 1 run.
No men left on base.
Sports Commentator: After 8, we're
still tied at 2.
Craig Robinson: Sorry.
Sports Commentator: More baseball
after these messages.
[baseball crowd cheers]