funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Trouble is brewing

Writes Patrick in Wisconsin: “A member of our office staff prefers a lighter blend, while the rest of us tech guys prefer a cup of coffee that will actually wake us up.”

After the original laminated note spurred this tempest in a coffee pot, Patrick says that Ms. “Three Scoops” upped the ante by bringing in a second coffeemaker for her own personal use. The notes, however, remain.

104 responses so far ↓

The last note says it all. You can make dark coffee lighter by adding a bit of water. Or more milk, if that’s your thing. Heck, an ice cube in the coffee will not only lighten the coffee, it will cool it to a temp where you can actually drink it.

As a French press user I can attest to this. It’s called “waiting for it to cool down.” Besides, doesn’t the water have to be pretty hot to brew the coffee right?
I looked it up, it’s supposed to be between 195-205 to brew correctly.

Totally agree – water that stuff down or get a second pot to brew to your preference. The stronger preference wins out in a shared pot.

I used to ride my motorcycle in all but the worst weather to a rail station. The guy who ran the station – a railroader from way back – kept a pot of coffee made to his preference. I like my coffee strong, but people who are used to working shift and having to stay alert all night long generally like their strong enough to dissolve metal.

I’d walk in, shivering from the cold, and warm myself up with a nice cup of 50% water, 50% death coffee.

Just gonna go ahead and point out that Starbucks’ Blonde roast is named so only because it’s not roasted as much and is less acidic. It is actually the most caffeinated blend they have. People drinking it because they want a ‘lighter’ or ‘milder’ coffee, take note. It’s only the flavor that’s light.

GAH!!!!! Blonde roast is not brewed any weaker! Light roasts are stronger than dark. How many times must this be explained? Why must people that know nothing about the roasting/brewing of coffee insist that they know best? Sure, sure, you’re entitled to your own preference, but don’t try to dictate an industry you have no role in!

If it makes you feel any better, BB (or at least makes you feel like you’re in good company), one of the side-effects of the Dunning-Kruger Effect is that people who know nothing or next-to-nothing about anything will insist that they know best, when discussing that topic.

You think you’ve got it bad, try being in IT. You would not believe how many helpful computer tips I’m treated to in the average week! Everyone from Baristas to Barbers to Bouncers to Barristers to Bricklayers to Biochemists.

And the real fuck of it is, in such a broad discipline, when it comes to some particular topics one of them damn well could know more than me!

(It’s true. I’m not the best person to ask if you’re having problems watching NetFlix streams on your iPad, because I use neither of those things and really don’t give a shit. Have you tried turning it off and on again? Have you tried asking me to fix it for you, then hovering to pepper me with “helpful” suggestions? Of course you have.)

The Dunning-Kruger Effect is really more of a skill-based effect rather than a knowledge-based one. As you’ve stated, unskilled people often lack the ability to recognize true skill, however, most people who are truly ignorant (i.e., lacking knowledge) on a topic do realize it.

…and I hate to break it to the baristas here, but brewing coffee is basically a knowledge-based activity.

coffee with more water in it doesn’t have more caffiene. Morons. Maybe Starbucks blonde roast does, but the lightness comes in the fact that it’s a lighter roast. The lightness that the stupid office bitch makes is because she adds less coffee.

It was always the same argument at my family’s house growing up. My parents like theirs with the grounds filled up to the brim for a whole pot, which resulted in super strong, jet black coffee that gets burnt tasting super fast, while I, along with my siblings like ours made with the suggested amount, and a normal strength..not weak. I agree with the last note leaver…you can just add some hot water to dilute it if its too strong, and then mix it how you like (or have it black), without having to use too much creamer. But if its too weak (as a former co-worker used to like making coffee tinted hot water…blech), there is nothing you can do to make it stronger. I just loathe people who feel as if everyone around them have to accommodate their wishes at all times…compromise is necessary in life. Unless it is directly harming you personally, just shut up and quietly make your own adjustments as needed, without having to announce it to the world when you do so.

But, I just have to add, that despite Starbuck’s raging popularity, I cannot see how people like it. The coffee tastes terrible. When I stayed at a friend’s house, and she only kept Starbucks ground coffee in the house, I had to buy a little bag of grocery store brand or tim horton’s ground coffee to make separately, because I just cannot tolerate Starbuck’s over-roasted, burnt beans flavor, no matter how weak or strong you make it. Gross.

I’m an equal opportunity enjoyer when it comes to coffee. I like timmy’s…but can enjoy Seattle’s Best, Millstone, or even Cafe Bustelo…I like several different regions and varieties. But when it comes to Starbucks, no matter what region they claim it is, what kind of roast, etc…it all tastes the same to me, and it all tastes nasty. Perhaps its their roasting technique or something? And as far as cheese goes, if it’s dyed oil and fat, and has to be called a ‘cheese flavored food product’, and someone enjoys that, they probably shouldn’t claim they like cheese at all.

Coffea arabica is a species of coffee, it is actually the highest grade of coffee bean, and is more expensive. The other is Coffea robusta, which is used mostly for making instant coffee. Not sure where you got the Columbian thing from, all coffee comes from Asia or Africa originally, and is grown (both species) in numerous countries around the world.

Same plant, Kermit, but the conditions of growing and picking are what makes them different. Which is why Colombian is superior. It’s lower in acidic content for one thing. Which makes it taste way, WAY better than the cheap stuff that StarYucks buys.

Google “Difference Between Arabica and Colombian Coffee” and you’ll find a slew of pages on it. And they all say the same thing – Colombian is superior.

Yeah, Kermit, I rescind my earlier agreement. I tend to drink a mix of fine coffees (I’m partial to some Vietnamese varieties (we travel there for work so I can usually hit a coworker up to bring me some when I haven’t been over in a while), but love a good Kona or Blue Mountain), and Starsucks is crapoola.

When I’m forced to drink the ‘sucks, I commit the sacrilege of putting milk in it. The good stuff I drink black, as the good lord intended.

As someone who enjoys Starbucks coffee, I can give a pretty simple reason why I do – I like coffee-flavored dessert drinks, which is something Starbucks seems to do quite well. When I first tried coffee, I said I didn’t like it. Then my sister made me a cup with a bunch of milk and sugar, and I went, oh, this actually tastes good. I don’t like black coffee. I do like things like milkshakes made with coffee ice cream. I like coffee as a flavoring. I like cinnamon lattes. You don’t need high quality coffee when coffee is one flavor mixed in with a bunch of sugar and milk. And I really don’t see anything wrong with enjoying that other than it’s not hip or snobby. I’m glad fancy coffees exist for those who like them. I can understand that, as I am quite fond of some teas. But I also respect that some people just like crap tea with a ton of sugar in it and iced, even though I hate sweetened tea and much prefer a good blend of tea. It doesn’t make me better though that I will sometimes brew a fine cup from loose-leaf; it makes me somebody with different personal taste in beverages.

Amen to that. The only thing I ever get at a Starbuck’s is the Vanilla Créme Frappuccino, which doesn’t have any coffee in it at all. And, I only have one if someone buys it for me. I’m not spending $6.00 for a milkshake.

The comment defending Starbucks coffee is ridiculous. McDonald’s is also one of the most successful companies worldwide, but if you want good food that’ll be the last place on earth you need to be. Same goes for the shitty coffee they serve at Starbucks.

I don’t know much about the coffee at the Starbucks store (I’ve only ever had their white chocolate mocha), but I love the packaged coffee grounds. We mix the Starbucks mocha flavor grounds with Gevalia traditional roast grounds. Add a little heavy cream and sugar…GOOD MORNING! However, I know that someone somewhere else in the world is reading this and rolling their eyes at me for thinking I have a GOOD cup of coffee. Oh well, there are always critics. We can’t get good pizza outside of New York/Chicago, we can’t get good cheese steaks outside of Philly, and apparently we can’t good coffee anywhere in the USA. Thing is, we live where we live. We work with what we’ve got. It’s what we know and we are allowed to like it.

Good point. Except that the original complaint had nothing to do with the roast of the grinds but only addressed the concentration of grinds:water. The techies were right in that more water/less grinds=more diluted/less caffeinated coffee.
I too prefer light roasts, specifically because I can brew them “swampwater” strong and still have a delicious cup of coffee. Yet I have also met folks who prefer a weakly brewed dark roast. To each there own, provided the following axiom is respected:
A light brew and a light roast are two different things.

What I find so amusing about this is that adding more scoops of grounds does not define whether a coffee is a light or a dark roast. That is determined by how dark the beans are roasted. Adding more scoops adds to the strength of the flavor.

Despite how many of us drink it, most Americans don’t know all that much about coffee, how it’s picked, how it’s roasted, what those things mean, and how to brew it. It’s one reason we spend an insane amount of money paying other people to make us coffee that is still subpar.

Coffee is, like wine, dependent on many variables, including context. I love a strong, deep, complex cup – but hate the over-extracted, boil mess at Starbucks. But let me tell you of one of the best cups of coffee I have ever tasted. We were getting ready to be picked up after a 5 day ambush mission. No fire, nothing hot for 5 days. We entered the extraction landing zone as the sun was just getting ready to pop up over the horizon, with the word that the choppers were less than 10 minutes out. I decided it was time for a cup of coffee. I used a worn tee shirt as a filter to strain some Viet Nam swamp water into an aluminum canteen cup. That got the twigs, leaves, bugs, and frogs out. A couple of Halzone tablets took care of the little things. A chunk of C-4 explosive the size of the end of my thumb brought the water to a boil. Two packs of instant, originally packaged for Korea 20 years earlier, and I had coffee. I sat and enjoyed the sunrise, and my coffee, until the choppers came in. A few months ago my wife and I sat in a New Orleans style bistro enjoying beignets and a wonderful cup of coffee. I shared the story with her. I am not sure which cup of coffee I enjoyed more.

Actually, percolators do a terrible job of making quality coffee, though they probably tie with a cheap, poorly-maintained drip machine. If you want a damn fine cup of coffee, get a french press and an electric tea kettle. Bonus, you can make just enough for yourself in the office.

Yes, Jamie, Percolators do make the best coffee. I would never trade my 20 yo Faberware electric percolator for anything. I’ve had coffee by all different methods and percolators are by far the best. You would not believe all the compliments I get from guests concerning my coffee.

What a nightmare you are all having. I don’t know why but over here in the UK coffee machines and decent coffee don’t seem to have taken off. We have a kettle and a jar of coffee in our works kitchen and I’ve given up training people how to use them properly and now just make my own coffee. Maybe you should all think about that?

Mellow Birds. Says it all for the UK coffee industry really. Having said that… I don’t drink coffee – can’t stand the stuff – gives me the runs.
But the one thing I can say is I know how all my roasted bean drinking friends take their coffee… f***ing seriously.

Don’t feel bad. You really can’t get a decent pot of tea in the US. That’s why I never order it out unless it is in a tearoom run by Brits. I am very picky about how my tea is brewed and have trained my dh and dd on how to do it correctly.

This is why my office bought a Keurig. The salesmen can drink their pot of burnt mud from the coffee maker that hasn’t been drained and cleaned in who knows how long and the rest of us can enjoy a variety of roasts and flavors made just how we like it.

Though, there is one woman in my office who doesn’t “believe in” flavored coffee, doesn’t think anyone should drink it and gives the person who orders the k-cups a hard time about it. The rest of us wish she’d STFU and let us enjoy our mocha, blueberry, hazelnut, etc. Some people just look for stuff to complain about.

Does she have to pay for it? If so, she has a small point. Just a small one, though, and one quickly eliminated if it’s a group money pool and the majority of the group digs flavors. If not, then WTF? Just pick another pod!

Our office complainers are sorry now. Our company used to furnish the k-cups and brew coffee. No one was ever satisfied with the brands or flavors we ordered. So we talked to the vendor about sampling new flavors and they brought in a fancy new Flavia machine with flavors like Milky Way and options like cappuccinos. It was great. The thing is, the GM never took notice of how much we were spending on coffee each year until the demo price comparison. Not only did the Flavia get shot down, but he discontinued the k-cups. He had me trot over to Sam’s and pick up a Keurig machine so that people could bring in their own cups (our old machine was furnished by the coffee supplier as long as we ordered the cups). Oddly enough, now that everyone has to bring in their own k-cups, the Folders brew is suddenly much more satisfying.

Elf, The company pays for the coffee. It doesn’t cost the employees anything, at least not directly. I have no idea what the coffee budget is; we only have one bean-counter on the payroll and so far, he’s not complaining.

Lil, our company has a Flavia machine, but you have to pay for it yourself, and it is $1.20. Which sucks, but at least the machine is clean and there is nobody griping about who bought creamer last, etc.

It’s because after a cups of the strong coffee, the weak coffee drinkers have the shakes. And after downing multiple cups of the weak stuff trying vainly to feed the beast, the strong coffee drinkers have raging headaches and can’t write straight.

Any idea where you can get it at a price that doesn’t eat up your entire food budget? Sam’s club had it for a while, but alas, it’s no more. The wailing from my household could be heard from space when they stopped carrying it

Lucky me! I have a friend going back to visit her family in Jamaica on Wednesday. She gets it cheap there from a store owner who cuts her a deal because she buys so much merchandise from him every trip. She is hooking me up. Go me!

I’ve seen how they are, and I’ve learned how to handle a knife just in case our office coffee machine breaks again. But, one week, and the withdrawal symptoms disappear and they are okay after that, not realizing they never really “needed” that morning cup.

I can easily see how this would happen in Wisconsin. I think there’s a different interpretation of coffee there than, say, here in New England. During my first visit to my now in-laws in the midwest:

MIL: “Good morning!There’s coffee on.”
In my sleepy state, I wander over to the coffee pot and pour myself a mug full. I look into the mug, and I can still see the bottom of the mug through the tinted liquid.
wheatless: “Wait. What is this? Is this tea?”
FIL: “No, it’s coffee, silly.”
wheatless: “Are you sure?” [takes sip] “Y’know, maybe I’ll just have some tea instead.”

Color and caffeine are two different things. Flavor and caffeine are two different things. However, the more dark roast you add, the more caffeine you get, along with the darker color that people mistake for caffeine. Therefore, coffee syrup will have more caffeine than a normal pot of morning blend – it will also melt your spoon, put hair on the palms of your hands and make you speak in tongues – if your tongue survives.

I drink Montavida and use the reuseable cups for my Keuriq. This coffee is the best I have ever drank. I can’t tolerate caffeine, therefore was reluctant to try it, but I did, because I observed weight-loss in a family member, after they had been drinking it! It has a very smooth taste, no caffeine jitters and energy to boot! No. I don’t sell it, but you can buy or get a sample at MzVirtue Technologies site, click on products for info. Best coffee, ever! I love it!

Certain big name coffees may be strong, but mainly their beans are over-roasted to the point of being charcoal in look and bitter to the taste. Fresh coffee should never have a bitter taste.

The best coffee is home roasted. Full City+ to Full French Roast is my preference. Beyond that is nearing charcoal territory. With the right bean though, I have been able to get a caramel corn taste at City Roast level.