Monday, 18 May 2015

The Mommy Returns

Yes ... the children are spending the night at the Thompson's ... Yes ... I know I was meant to pick you up from the railway station ...

I'm sorry you've been waiting so long ... Look darling ... can you not come home on your own?

Well ... there's a bit of a problem over here ...

There's a yellow jacket in the hallway ... just by the front door ...

No ... I can't get past it ... It's flying all over the place and buzzing menacingly ... You know how scared I am of them ... especially since that day there was one with me in the shower ...

I am not a wimp ... I was scalded badly with the hot shower that day ... Besides ... what if the yellow jacket had stung me in a delicate place?

That's not a nice thing to say ...

I know it's getting dark ... and there are no taxis or buses at the railway station ...

Can't you just walk home? I'm just too scared to get past the yellow jacket and come and get you ...

Yes you said it's getting dark ... just use the torch I got you for your birthday ...

I'm not being facetious ... I'll have you know I've been trapped in the back room for ages. I want to go to the bathroom and I dare not get out because of the yellow jacket. My legs are crossed over each other to hold it in ...

Yes I realise if you walk home you'll have to go through the park ...

The chances of you being mugged or attacked are minimal ... As our company accountant says often enough ... when working out probabilities you have to account for all factors ...

It means that the fact that there's a threatening yellow jacket here is a certainty ... but there's no certainty that someone is waiting to attack you in the park ... so the probability of me being stung is much higher than you being attacked ...

I'm not a yellow bellied coward darling ... Of course I love you ... You know I do ... Don't cry ... No I can't run past it with my legs crossed as they are ...

I don't know how it came in ... probably through the open window ... We don't have any wasp spray ... if we did it would not be here in the back room ...

I know wasps and flying insects don't get in the house when you're here ... they wouldn't dare ...

I didn't mean a thing by it ... it was just a joke ... darling ... I was joking ... don't hang up ... Darling!!!

I tell you Sparky. My knees were trembling and my legs were platted together because I wanted to visit the bathroom. And when wifey got home I got the silence treatment. The wasp immediatelly flew away in fear.

Music

RICHARD THE LION LIVER

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