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When I was in school, a cool new toy was always seen as an impressive 'show and tell' item. This girl had her dad bring in a 5-foot alligator. Without argument, you can probably see why this isn't the best idea. Well, it turns out the gator didn't want to be part of the show and took it upon himself to escape. So if you're in the Panama City area, officials are looking for a gator that meets the following description- " It’s green, it’s 5 feet long and it was last seen on the lam." Gotta love our Sunshine State!

While on summer break, a couple girls decided to take a couple sexy pictures of themselves and post them on MySpace. The school principal felt it was well-within his rights to suspend the girls from playing sports and participating in other extra-curricular activities all year. Since the principal has no business telling kids what they can do outside of school, you guessed it, a lawsuit is being filed. Just worry about providing a decent education, don't let it bother you if girls act slutty.

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Dr. Chynn and his team are as generous as they are skilled and have offer an amazing BONUS DISCOUNT for anyone who comes to watch and eventually decides to get LASEK. I can't say HOW MUCH it is, but CAN SAY that it is UNHEARD OF! Just mention DETENTIONSLIP when you stop in or call. ALSO, anyone who comes in costume will get a discount on future services, and the BEST COSTUME will get an even BIGGER discount!

This event is in Manhattan (New York City), so come if you are here and tell your NYC friends to JOIN US this FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30th at PARK AVENUE LASER. If you are looking for New York LASEK, Park Avenue Laser is where you want to be this Friday!

High school love triangles are always so interesting to watch unfold. This time, the students had front row seats as two of their female teachers duked it out over a male teacher they both liked. The tragic ending of this story occurs when children learn that it is acceptable to settle disputes with violent public reactions. Gotta love paid, professional role models!

It's easy to understand why some parents don't agree with an assignment that had high school kids writing about sex and masturbation. There's probably a fine line between creative writing and Penthouse submissions, and Mr. V has been walking it. That's great that so many of his students support him, but pedophiles always have a way of seeming trustworthy.

It's no longer called "Halloween." Now it's "Fall Festival." The principal banned masks and costumes because it makes it difficult to identify people. THAT'S THE POINT OF A COSTUME! The principal is also researching other ways to ensure her students don't have fun...ever.

If you don't do your homework, you get "the wall." Reminiscent of a firing line-up where hostages are about to be stoned to death, this school believes that the best way to punish their students is to make them stand and face a brick wall for 20 minutes. For Oklahoma, it's a step up from paddling, but hopefully one day they will learn some modern, more efficient discipline techniques.

Everybody who plays sports in Baltimore should know that Rule 9, Section 6, Article 1b of the National Federation of High Schools rule book states: "Items displaying seams stitched on the outside of the garment in a visible contrasting color to the undergarment will be illegal beginning with the 2009-10 school year." Possibly next to steroids, I can't think of a worse mistake a high school athlete can make.

Two hours into his first day at school, Damian Brown (if that is his real name) was arrested for identity theft. His application included three different social security numbers. Hurricane Katrina must have displaced all the qualified teachers to let this guy slip through the cracks.

According to the article, the PTA spent over 500 hours putting together a jog-a-thon event. All participants received a shirt with some words, images, and a 1-800-EAT-DUST number on it. During the 500 hours of exhausting labor, nobody had the time to actually dial the phone number to realize they were adverting a she-male porn line. Well, hopefully the PTA can develop a plan to help explain to all the six and seven year olds at this school what phone sex means.

In the old days, you were slapped on the wrist with a ruler for being disobedient. Times have changed, and so have teachers. Now the only way to get kids to listen is to put them at risk for HIV and Hepatitis-C. At least 20 students in her class have been going home with needle wounds on their hands, back, and butt. In Beijing, a famous leader once said, "Talk softly, but carry a big syringe."

Under the guise of the occult, this teacher formed a secret club for teenage girls at his school. How do you get in? By having sex with him of course. He also taught Bible classes at a Christian school. I can only imagine how the juicy combination of witchcraft and aggravated sexual assault is gonna go over at confession this week.

Although this is probably not clearly written out in the teachers handbook, by now we should only hope adults know better than taping a students mouth shut and hands together. There is a reason that this charge is called "false imprisonment." Hopefully the next time this lady is in this situation it's in the woods with wild boars.

Some argue that when schools allow grinding at dances, it encourages sexual activity. I guess for others it leads to gang-raping fifteen year olds on the side of the building. I suppose having security stick around for when the dance lets out didn't cross anyone's mind.

The game "Blackout" has been around forever. But now that kids have cell phones to videotape all the bad things they do, it's time to freak out. The game is played by bending over and hyperventilating until you pass out and fall over. Other than the close to 100 children who have died from playing it over the last ten years, everyone else seems to love it. However, the school principal is raining on their parade by ratting them out to parents. How else are kids gonna learn than by having near-death experiences?

If you're looking for a great way to spook your family this Halloween, hold your one-week old child hostage with a knife in front of your wife and 2-year old! This guy is just piling on the charges after just being accused of sleeping with a 16-year old student earlier in the week. I looked up "downward spiral" in the dictionary, and it said, See: Anthony Gilbert.

A couple girls at his school were threatening to fight each other via facebook messages. Keshaun Harley chimed in and posted, "You're not going to bust a grape." While I'd like to believe he was just quoting an LL Cool J song, the principal is chalking this up to "cyber-bullying" and suspending the boy an entire school year. Oh, and let's remind everyone that none of this took place on school property. The principal allegedly spent the night looking in a mirror flexing and saying "You're the man!"

When you live life on the edge, all it takes is a push. This high school coach, who clearly lacks any level of patience, just wanted to make sure his players weren't the ones to give him that final shove. And just in case they did, he was ready with a blade. The kids didn't know that the new style of defense they were learning at practice was modeled after West Side Story.

When close to 50% of the student body is out sick with the flu, it's time to shut things down and lock the doors for a few days. You gotta wonder what kind of health precautions this school was taking to let it get this bad. Maybe hand soap didn't make the budget this year? In a related note, the local malls are anticipating a leap in sales during the next five days.

Even though a better idea might be to give proper background checks before you hire school employees, it must be cheaper to wait until they actually get caught for committing crimes like sexual misconduct. I guess it's easy to lie on your application and cover up old felony charges. But I suppose "random" checks will help weed out all the bad guys.

Pop Quiz: What's the best way to wake up an autistic boy who falls asleep in class? If you answered drown his head under a water faucet, then you can join this teacher's aide in court when you face child abuse charges. If only cruel and unusual torture was still allowed in schools...

While we recognize that several school districts have already been trying a 4-day week to help their budget, it is interesting (as the article points out) that not too long after Obama announced he would like to add more school days to the academic year, his home state cuts them back. While Hawaii schools have never ranked in the top half of most educational categories, I assume the extra day to go surfing will benefit everyone in the long run.

Have you ever heard that some people will try to sue you for anything? Well let's listen to this teachers case. Evidently she has some disorder that requires her to be exposed to natural light (not the beer). In 2005, her classroom was moved and it did not feature exterior windows. She claimed to have begun suffering from the following side effects: "significant inability to concentrate, organize her thoughts, retrieve words, make decisions, and focus on the needs of her students, hypersomnia, racing thoughts, panic attacks, uncontrollable crying, inability to eat, and thoughts of suicide." That was 2005. She hasn't taught there since. This is 2009, and it's time to take the school to court! My only question is, "Hey sweetheart, don't you live in a Wisconsin town that only gets like 90 days of sun during the year? And all of them are in the summer when you're not teaching? Help me out to understand this natural lighting disease of yours a little better."

Sometimes for kicks, I wake up in the morning, put on a pot of coffee, eat a bowl of cereal, position my big screen TV to face out the front window, turn the volume all the way up, and blare pornography for all the elementary students on their way to school. It's good to know I'm not the only one who gets great ideas like this.

The 8th rule of Fight Club:If this is your first night, you HAVE to fight. The teacher cleared out the room so she could go one-on-one with this elementary school student. It resulted in a trip to the hospital for the teacher, and a suspension for the boy.

This much we know: Teen argues with resource officer, teen stabs officer, officer shoots teen dead. We are currently investigating if the teen had legs, because that would have seemed like a reasonable place to shoot him so he wouldn't die.

1 out of 8 translates to 115 pregnant teens at this school. Either the girls in this town are sex-crazed, or the boys can't miss. And then you gotta crunch some numbers and wonder how many of the 115 are from the same guy. It might be time for this principal to look into some type of grant to receive a cargo of free condoms. Either way, I think we all need to thank Jamie Lynn Spears for making teen pregnancy cool again.

They don't call it the 'Bible Belt' for nothing. It's no surprise that this Mississippi school doesn't recognize gay rights, and therefore wants nothing to do with a girl wearing a tux for her yearbook pic. When the administration finally grows up and enters the 21st century, they will soon realize not only does nobody else have a problem with this, but they've made themselves look like fools in the process.

If you're curious what coach Dennis does in his spare time, just ask the shoppers at CostCo and Wal-Mart. But don't be shocked when you learn that he walks around in public exposing his raging erection.

The school board voted 7-2 that parents can no longer send cupcakes and other desserts in on their kids birthday. In a strange coincidence, the two members who voted against this change happened to be over-weight.

I can't understand why school staff would be offended at a t-shirt that says "Go Cocks" on it. It sounds to me like this young scholar is simply dreaming of heading off to a nice university one day and wants to show a little college pride to inspire herself. By the way, South Carolina hit the jackpot with merchandising, but isn't it safe to say that something was overlooked when deciding on a school mascot?

Although the details are a little hazy (due to privacy issues) it has been reported that a High School pupil in California has been caught playing at an online casino during lessons. This however has proven to be impossible as all reputable online casinos have strict security and age related protocols to ensure that these sorts of things do not happen. A spokesperson from JackpotCity.com Online Casino, when contacted, had this to say: “It is impossible that any US based player could login and open an account at a reputable online casino due to the legal implications of doing business in America. And even if it was possible, the age related safety and security protocols used by all top online casinos would block the player immediately.” No chance to (thankfully) earn while you learn then!

The teacher now says he doesn't want to offend anyone, but you can see why some people might get upset when he began a classroom rant claiming that too much of our tax dollars are going towards "black fags." Hey Mr. Burke, why don't you tell us how you really feel. I guess our tax dollars are also paying salaries for racist, homophobic public school teachers.

The young buck just enlisted in the Cub Scouts and couldn't wait to use his new utensil at lunch time. Thanks to an unwavering zero-tolerance policy that does not have room for "intent," this 6-year old boy is getting the boot and sent to a reform school for 45 days. According to the district, it's a cut and day case, and so the boy is being criminalized for possession of a weapon. Doesn't school sound like fun?!

If you were standing at your bus stop this morning in Laredo, Texas and wondered why the driver kept going, that's because the bus wasn't for children. It was filled with 5,400 pounds of weed! Nothing spells inconspicuous like big and yellow.

If you haven't seen teens dancing over the last ten years, basically 'grinding' looks very similar to having sex, but with clothes on and standing up (or bending over at times). Some adults (probably the same ones who disobeyed their parents when they started dancing to Elvis and Chubby Checker decades ago) cannot come to terms with this new style. So as you can guess, the students decided to boycott the school homecoming, and develop their own dance, but allow the element of 'fun.' We plan on sending the principal a copy of Footloose.

In an effort to make high school sports as undesirable as possible, the district has placed a ban on chants, signs, air horns, body paint, and more. The school is currently taking suggestions on how to minimize the amount of fun students have in other areas of education.

The class was going on a trip to the zoo, and according to the court report, the teacher offered a boy with a peanut allergy a candy bar...with peanuts! The plan was to get him sick so they wouldn't have to deal with his behavior on the trip. The teacher has also been accused of dragging students, pushing them, pinching them, and flicking their lips. Something tells me she is not overly concerned about the well-being of the children. Even if something as silly as a peanut allergy could land a kid in the hospital.

I have often found that restricting the oxygen intake of students is an effective way to get them to listen in class. We have also heard that this teacher encourages students to run with scissors, stick their fingers into electrical sockets, and drink from bottles with a "Mr. Yuck" sticker on them.

Students getting drunk during the school day must be a huge problem in Foxborough. This story really makes it clear that our white schools are facing their own challenging obstacles in education. But I wonder if the teachers will be subject to these tests as well?

Some people plan their retirement around a 401K. In the case of this principal, it coincidentally came around the same time that accusations arose about him showing up to a work function drunk then proceeded to show a video tape of students having sex. It's weird how coincidences happen, huh?

I have been to a lot of schools and I have never seen the PE game where the child crawls into a cabinet and chases a lizard around. I understand that accidents happen, (especially with children) but you always hope that responsible adults will be there to prevent them.

So here's what happened: A little girl got sick. The school called the wrong family to come pick her up. The man came to pick up the girl, and (this is where it gets good) took her home! So unless everyone in this Oregon town looks exactly alike and has the same exact name, this sounds like we're dealing with a bunch of idiots. If you're a person of faith now would be a good time to say a prayer for the students in this school.

Back in March a student was denied the right to start a Bible club at his school. Long story short, he took them to court, won, and received $1 in damages suffered. It great to know that we have a fully-functioning legal system to resolve pressing issues. No word yet how the boy plans to spend his winnings.