It was an interesting gathering to say the least on May 13. Mental health social worker and affable younger bloke Simon Santosha, from the Men & Family Counselling and Consultancy service, chatted about how men are perceived - and see themselves - as well as the expectations put on them, and what they might put on themselves.

At Simon’s urging, the blokes present opened up about themselves and identified lots of factors that can affect older males. These included loss of confidence, lack of male contact/social networks, loss of independence – often associated with being unable to drive anymore - procrastination/hesitant to do things or take on challenges, sexual issues, holding ‘stuff’ in, marriage/family disruptions, and loneliness/boredom; often due to much of above.

Simon noted there were lots of ways to be a man and that this changed as we progressed through our lives.

“It’s okay to be flexible - you do not have to fulfill other’s expectations or put up a ‘masculine mask’ to hide your insecurities,” he said. “Come to terms with your life journey and the choices you made. They might not be the decisions you’d make now but they were what you thought to be most relevant to the situation at the time.

“Value your own stories, your contributions to the world. Put your knowledge and experience to good purpose by mentoring a younger person.”

Simon said groups such as the Bloke’s Lounge were a vital avenue for men to make social connections, to lose the ‘invisibility’ which often comes as we age.

“It’s comforting and encouraging being in a safe environment among people we like and trust,” he said. “Then we can open up and share our experiences. In doing so we find other people face similar challenges and have similar feelings; then we don’t feel so alone or isolated.”

Simon also urged blokes feeling down in the dumps or having a hard time with personal situations to seek professional help.

“Men aged 65 plus are at high risk of suicide,” he said. “Talking things through with a mate is like opening the bonnet of a car that’s out of synch - it’s a good start to seeing what the problem might be. But go that step further: engaging a medical professional or social worker is like bringing in a mechanic who can more accurately pinpoint the cause and offer solutions.”

Peer educator David Price from Council of The Ageing(COTA) came in August to give us a brief rundown aboutBeyond
Maturity Blues: anxiety and depression in older menFor assistance:Access our Support page Speak to your GP or a social worker

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