7 Fun Steps To Online Dating After A Painful Divorce

December 29, 2015

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By Ken Solin

A divorce is a death of sorts, and it invokes feelings not dissimilar to a physical loss. The same stages of grief that apply to loss, apply to divorce. So while it may seem odd to offer “fun” steps to online dating after a painful divorce, it’s totally appropriate after the grieving process is over. These tips will only work when you have done the emotional work to obviate the effects of a painful divorce. You can’t date with a broken heart, period.

1. Create A New You

Once you’ve worked your way through your grief and are beginning to consider the possibility that you might find true love, it’s the perfect time to think about moving beyond the person you were and consider the person you see in your mind’s eye. You’re no longer lost in a failed marriage. You can reinvent yourself ignoring any of the constraints you felt in your marriage. It’s okay to fantasize because it might help you to visualize your goal. The old bromide, necessity is the mother of invention, applies to newly divorced seniors. Reinventing yourself frees your spirit and makes dating feel like a perfect next step.

2. Write About Yourself With Joy

When you write your online dating profile don’t think in terms of being part of a failed relationship, but rather a newly liberated spirit who’s looking for love. Be positive because nothing turns potential senior daters off more than someone who’s still whining about an ex. But having said that it’s okay to state clearly what your hopes and dreams are now that you’re creating a new life. Write about yourself with a sense of joy, and don’t be shy about appearing over the top, because you won’t be seen that way by other divorced seniors, most of who also want to create a new life.

3. Get Out There

Hopefully, you’ve joined a senior dating website and you’re ready to fall in love. But first, you have to get out of your home and go on dates. Some will likely be dreadful, but others will be fun. Online dating isn’t perfect, and while there is some amount of trial and error involved, it’s a terrific opportunities to meet special people. Getting out of your home can be difficult when you’re stuck in an introspective place, but once you break the inertia of staying at home, you’ll find you want to spend more time out having fun.

4. Make New Friends

And consider that while every date may not be a perfect fit for love, they might be good friend material. I made a best woman friend when I dated online. We didn’t feel a spark to fall in love, but we liked each other and have become friends over the past few years. Having an opposite sex friend is a wonderful opportunity to spend time between dates with someone who cares about you for the right reasons. It will also give you someone to talk with about your dates.

5. Be Brave

While the notion of falling in love at first sight is absolutely bogus and only believed by the terminally clueless, the opposite isn’t a good alternative. Don’t be afraid of meeting someone and falling in love because you’ve been unsuccessful in the past. Your past is irrelevant to everyone except you, and only you have the power to change the course of your life. No one has the key to relationship happiness, but it’s not so elusive that you can’t find it. Be brave and you’ll feel good about the possibility of falling in love.

6. Join Other Singles

There are a myriad of activities for single seniors in just about every community. Bicycle riding, hiking, gourmet dining, cooking, wine, and many other activities have clubs just for seniors. Think of joining a club as a way to socialize with your peers and maybe even meet someone special. In a worst-case scenario you’ll enjoy spending your free time with other single seniors. Again, think about creating peer friendships.

7. Enjoy

Keep in mind that most other divorced seniors are in the same boat you’re in, and that they’re likely just as nervous as you are about dating after a divorce. Relax and smile on your coffee dates, and don’t worry about whether or not your date seems interested in you in romantic terms. Just enjoy your date and try to glean what other seniors are thinking about the online dating process. You’re just as good a catch as any other man or womanso don’t be afraid to be yourself. The right man or woman will not only appreciate the real you, they’ll fall in love with that person.

Dating is supposed to be fun, and if it’s not, then perhaps you’re not approaching it with the right attitude. Be positive, seek the joy that’s out there, and you’ll find it.

Still looking for the perfect online dating site? Make sure to check out this chart to find the site that suits you best.

Ken Solin

Author and columnist Ken Solin is a boomer Dating Expert for The Huffington Post, AARP, and About.com. Solin also writes about boomer sex and relationships. Ken’s new book, The Boomer Guide To Finding True Love Online offers real-life boomer dating solutions based on Ken’s online dating experiences. Learn more about Ken and his dating philosophy.

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