Friday, June 27, 2008

I was waiting in line at lunch today to get a burrito behind a couple of women who were, admittedly, standing just far enough apart to obstruct traffic going the other direction. So these other two women were walking in the other direction, trying to leave, and one of them said about the woman standing in front of me, "She's so fat, I can't even get around her." And then, just to make sure she was heard, she kept going on and on about it all the way out of the store and around the corner to her friend. "Did you see that? She was huge! I couldn't even get around her. Did you hear what I said?"

Now, the woman in front of me was not build like Angelina Jolie (thank goodness). Nor was she built like the mother in Gilbert Grape (thank goodness). She was bigger than me, but she was not morbidly obese. She was just standing in an inconvenient place.

I wanted to smack the other woman. I wanted to go after her and say one of the following things:

"Maybe, but you're ugly and she can diet.""So what?""You know, by making that statement out loud, you have just proven yourself to be the most ignorant person in the room.""Hi. You don't know me, but I already don't like you. First of all, the level of your exaggeration is staggering. Secondly, maybe this woman is a little bit on the heavy side, but you don't know her. You don't know the circumstances of her life. It could be genetic. She could actually be in better physical shape than you. But chances are she is aware of the fact that society has deemed her overweight, and that she is reminded of that every time she opens a magazine or turns on her television or walks down the street. You don't need to remind her. She is probably, on some level, already self-conscious about it. So the fact that you feel the need to say something out loud only indicates what a mean-spirited, cruel, ignorant, closed-minded person you are and your rush to judge those around you without taking the time to get to know them has made you truly ugly in the eyes of anyone here who has even an ounce of human compassion. You are an embarrassment to the Cubs jersey you are wearing, and for the first time in my life, I am ashamed to be a Cubs fan because it means you and I have something in common."

But I didn't. She was gone too soon. For which I was actually grateful. People really piss me off sometimes.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

So a day. Not the greatest day ever, but not the worst. Cubs lost, which wasn't great, but I was at the game, which was great. And I realize that this is going to sound very sad, but I think the key is to not expect anything, so then anything that does happen (like random flowers from your best friend, or fun text messages) is a lovely surprise.

Monday, June 23, 2008

SWEEP!!!!

I love it when the Cubs win. I love it when the Cubs sweep a series. And I love it that much more when they sweep the Crosstown Classic. Yes, there are three more games next weekend, but I'm thinking things are a little quiet on the south side today.

And as much as I would love to sit here and gloat, I feel the need to use the blog today for something else. George Carlin passed away. Normally, when a celebrity passes, I think to myself, "How sad," and I go on about my day. This one makes me really sad, like when Madeline Kahn died. George Carlin's humor was intelligent and valid. Yes, it was crass, but he made some really good points. And he was cute in his delivery, and he was Rufus in Bill and Ted's.

When I was growing up, my brother's best friend introduced me to George Carlin. This particular friend was one of those kids who, at least in my estimation, was so alive as such a young kid that pretty much anything he liked, I wanted to like, too, because it was cool. I remember listening to audio tapes of George Carlin routines with this friend and laughing until I ached all over. So for Mr. Carlin to not be around anymore...yes, the world will miss his humor. And I know this sounds overly dramatic, but his passing is another sort of indicator to me that I'm not a little kid anymore. Another piece of my childhood that I can't recapture.

And of course, considering all of the religious routines he did, I can't help but think if he's in heaven, and if so, what kind of conversation did he have with St. Peter at the pearly gates. Did St. Peter give him any kind of crap, or did he just say, "Welcome, George. Come on in. The stage is set up for you and we're all excited to see your show."

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Hey.

So I have to admit to a bit of a funk. Or a period of restlessness, is perhaps a better way to put it. I have this feeling that I'm missing out on a lot, but I'm doing what I can to get involved and it's somehow just not working. Today, for example, I have an audition. I could have had two. I was waiting for this one theater to call me back to confirm my audition time (sometime between 5 and 8), and they called at 4:30 to say, "Just pop on by anytime." I had to tell them I couldn't make it - I was waiting for a confirmation, which I was hoping would come more than a half an hour before I'm supposed to be out in the suburbs. And to be honest, I don't really want to go to this other audition I have lined up for tonight, but I'm going to go anyway. It would be in bad taste to not show up. I finked on a friend's birthday party last night, just because I didn't want to leave my house.

I want to be doing creative things, and I can see the things in my life that are either preventing me from doing those things or making it really easy for me to make excuses to not do those things.

I blame the movie. I had too much fun being an extra. And now that I have to be back to my normal life, I'm finding it kind of dull. But I'm not a famous movie star, nor a big rock star, so for the time being, I have to lead my normal life and hope that I get a few more bright spots in it somewhere along the way. Its getting hard to keep up the momentum, though, and the drive.

And on the boy front - nothing. I went through my online list of men who I would supposedly work well with and closed out probably half of them because in all truth, I'm not interested. I'm not interested in profile #600 that says, "I like to have fun and listen to music and I was inspired by my grandparents and I just finished reading Devil in the White City." How about some personality, people? Give me a reason to drive 30 miles out into the suburbs to meet you. What makes you different from everyone else out there? And then, of course, I had to look at my own profile to see if it had any sort of personality and it really doesn't. Unless you're looking really hard. Which I'm guessing most people are not, especially since I don't have my pictures readily available to anyone who might want to see them. And that's fine. Whatever. I don't know that I'm in a good place to be dating anyone at the moment anyway. I have my little totally unrealistic crushes and I'm fine with that.

I dunno. I haven't wanted to leave my house much lately. I'm feeling fat, even though when I look in the mirror, I know I'm not. I'm not a stick figure, but I'm not fat, by any stretch of the imagination. I dunno. I'm just not feeling good at the moment.

I'm playing a show way out in the suburbs next week. Solo acoustic as part of a benefit for Alzheimer's. Maybe that will help a little - get me back on stage. And who knows? Maybe I'll nail this audition tonight and get a project to work on out of the deal. Or maybe I'll do exactly what I shouldn't do with the money I made being an extra and buy myself some new expensive toy. Like a laptop, so I can write from anywhere. I feel like I need to be writing something. Other than blogs.

Sorry for such an annoying entry.

Side note: Happy father's day to all of the Dads out there. I've written about moms before, but dads are pretty great, too. I know mine loves me and I hope he knows I love him. So happy Father's day!

Monday, June 09, 2008

So the weather in Chicago is, as per usual, crappy. But at least it's getting warmer. I can have my windows open some of the time, but the wind and rain were so crazy last night, I had to close them. And my cat has rediscovered his favorite cool place to sleep - on the bathroom floor - and found a new one, too - behind my guitars. And as happens when the weather goes nuts, my sinuses go haywire as well. I'm not plugged up enough to be able to blow my nose, but I am plugged up enough to be sneezing every ten minutes, to have the kind of stinging watery eyes thing going on, and to just feel generally crappy. Yay.

On the positive side, I got to talk to a friend of mine last night who I haven't talked to in probably a year, if not longer. I didn't realize how much I missed him until we were talking about nothing in particular at two in the morning. I hope he does come back to Chicago at some point so we can just randomly hang out like we used to.

Anyway, I hope that wherever you are, you are warm and happy and that your sinuses are not currently staging a coup.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

So I spent six nights (well, five nights and one day) on the set of a major motion picture as an extra. So much fun. Such hard work. Not in the "now lift this 100 pound box and hold it over your head for six hours" kind of a way, but in the "do the exact same thing 80,000 times but we're not going to tell you why" kind of a way. My feet hurt, I'm tired, my skin is angry with me, my hair wants to be in permanent finger waves, but it was so much fun. I met some really great people, including a mother of three who I think could turn into a pretty decent friend. I kind of wish I could put her in touch with my Texas friend, too -- I think they would get along.

And until the day I die, I am going to tell people that one of the stars of said major motion picture was watching me. We made eye contact one day. The next day, I swear he stole a look at me as he was walking through the set. And last night, maybe I'm crazy, but there were a couple of times when it certainly seemed like he adjusted the position he was standing in talking to someone else so that I was in his sight line. We had a minor ran delay, which resulted in him standing next to me under the theater marquee, which was, from my perspective, really cool. Would have been cooler if this one guy who knew I have a crush on said movie star hadn't been staring at me the whole time, as if he was waiting for me to attack said star and make out with him or something. One of the other extras standing under the marquee asked me about my band while we were standing there, so technically, had he been paying attention, said movie star could look me up on MySpace.

I know, it's silly. And I know I'm the first person to say that movie stars are just people, which they are. The other star over which everyone on set was going nuts is a very nice man - very funny, extremely talented, courteous, just a very nice man. But still a man. I would love an opportunity to actually work with him instead of just sitting behind him. But this particular star who was standing next to me is also just a man, like any other man you'd meet in Greek mythology, if I may borrow the line from "Cheers." He is extraordinarily attractive, extremely talented, and very dedicated to his craft. I would love to work with him, too, and technically, I can now say that I have. And whether or not it is true, I will always tell people that he was watching me on set last night. I think it's okay to hold onto that. It doesn't hurt anyone and it makes me feel kind of warm and squishy. Tee hee.

I have to say one other thing about my experience on set -- thank you! Thank you to all of the crew who was there for making the set and all of the actors look so amazing. Thank you for putting in even longer hours than we did, and thank you for putting up with us. Thank you especially to the woman who did my hair and to the woman who did my make up every day. The woman who did my make up kind of muttered under her breath yesterday that she could just work on me forever because I'm pretty. I can't tell you how that made me feel. And thank you to the director for not saying no to me when the casting agency put my picture in front of you. And thank you to the casting agency for putting my picture in front of the director. And thank you to all of the people I met on set for keeping me company and making me laugh for six days. I had a blast. I hope it's not over yet!

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

I think the most important thing that we all need to remember about celebrities is that they are people. The only difference between us and them is that they are lucky bastards who get the jobs we all wish we could have. But else than that, they're just people.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

So I've been having a lot of fun being on the set of a major motion picture this week. A lot of the other extras I've met have been really cool. And the stars...I think one of them stole a look at me last night, and he's one that is on my list of stars I would love to work with someday. So yeah, it's been a blast. And it kind of reset my brain. I think in the last six months to a year, I've been focused on my day job -- I've had to focus on the day job for the sake of paying the rent. But this reminded me that I am an artist. I will always be an artist. Be it musical or theatrical or literary, I am an artist. I need to not forget that. I need to not put that on a shelf for the sake of other things. It's the other things that belong on the shelf.

That, and if I'm ever a famous movie star or musician, I'm really hoping that my cat will go with me. On the tour bus or whatever. The same way people carry their little bitty dogs around with them everywhere, I want my cat to go with me. Because he really is the reason I get up in the morning, and the reason it's hard to get up some mornings. It's one of those things you won't get if you don't have a pet, but yeah. He makes me smile just about all of the time.