Succeeding at karaoke: the Charlie Vella approach

There’s nothing quite like a karaoke night. The music is live, the drinks are plentiful and the mood is always fun. It’s easy for anyone to jump in and have his or her turn in the spotlight. However, in order to really rock the bar’s socks off, you need to hone your game. Luckily, I’m a self-proclaimed karaoke master and have compiled some tips for how to maximize your impact. So, without further ado, I present my personal strategy for karaoke:

Rule one: Choose a great song! Don’t choose a lame song. This may sound obvious, but I can’t stress enough the importance of song choice. If the crowd does not like the song, you are not going to have a successful performance. This means no Nickelback and no Soulja Boy. No one cares if you know all of the words to “In the End” by Linkin Park. It was lame in 2002 and it’s lame now. I actually had to suffer through a karaoke rendition of this song one night at Sutters, a bar right by campus. After two verses of angst and monotony the spectators had completely lost interest.

Rap is a controversial choice. It’s very hard to successfully pull off due to the intensity of the lyrics. Also, you risk boring the crowd. I would only advise rapping if:

A. You know the song inside and out, and

B. You have evaluated the patrons and are sure it will go over well.

On the same note, you don’t want to pick a song that’s too popular. “Don’t Stop Believin’” gets old quickly, and will almost guarantee a bar full of bored and distracted people. The key is to pick a song that everyone will like, but at the same time a song that they haven’t heard in a while. The first thing on everyone’s mind will be, “OMG I love this song!” My karaoke secret weapon is “Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Swede. It’s upbeat, fun, has room for improvisation, and everyone recognizes it.

Rule two: Practice! This is an optional step, but necessary if you want to bring down the house. After you pick a good song, get to know it really well. You need to know the timing of the song in addition to the flow and emphasis of the lyrics. There’s nothing worse than a karaoke singer three measures ahead or behind of the music. A similar problem is a singer that is simply not familiar with the song. A good rule to follow is to not pick a song unless you are absolutely sure you can sing it from start to finish.

Rule three: Stay sober! You may be thinking, “But Charlie, if I’m not drunk I won’t have the courage to get up on stage!” Well, shut up. A drunken singer is a sloppy singer. You wont be at the top of your game with all of those Jager Bombs sloshing around in your tummy. One or two drinks are acceptable to loosen up and get comfortable with the surroundings, but I would keep it at that. Otherwise, you risk being the awkward drunk guy that everyone politely claps for and then ridicules with their friends.

Rule four: Commit! You have to own the song. Too many times, I have seen singers on stage that aren’t giving it their all. Some singers are too shy, some are too nonchalant, and some think they are too cool. This is lame. If you are too shy for karaoke, wait a little bit before you get on stage. Spend some time loosening up and getting to know some of the people in the bar. The best way to overcome shyness is to understand that most people are inherently good and not out to get you. People don’t go to a karaoke bar unless they want to hear karaoke singers. There’s no reason to be shy, just get over yourself and get out there. This is your moment!

Rule five: Involve the audience! If they like you, your performance will be much more appreciated. A good way to start off is to get them clapping with the beat as the song starts. This ensures you have their attention. They’re watching now, don’t blow it!

If everyone is having a good time, get even more involved. Pull someone on stage to dance with you. Take a walk around the bar with the microphone and serenade a pretty girl. If you’re feeling extra adventurous, take a sip of someone’s drink. (I wouldn’t advise doing this unless you are absolutely sure you wont get your ass kicked in the process.)

It’s okay to give your friend a shout out on the microphone, but don’t get too carried away. No one wants to hear you list off 25 names.

Rule six: Develop stage presence! Don’t stand in one spot, there’s an entire stage for a reason. This is your chance to bust out every awkward move you have. Shimmy, slide, dip, groove, twist, and moonwalk. It doesn’t matter if you can’t dance. I can’t dance. If you give it your best, people will pick up on your good vibes. Soon, you will have fans eating out of your hand.

This is you.

DO: Pretend you are a rock star.

DO: Fill in instrumental gaps with verses from popular rap songs. I tried this on a whim the other night and it was freakin’ awesome. However, you should practice beforehand to make sure the timing works out. You don’t want to get cut short mid-rhyme.

DO: Attend the event with a group of friends. When you first get on stage, they will cheer for you, making you comfortable during the awkward beginning of the song. The rest of the audience will be encouraged by your friends’ cheering and join in.

DON’T: Pick a song that is too long. After four or five minutes, the audience’s attention span runs out. Don’t be the guy that’s on stage singing for eight minutes.

DON’T: Be an annoying group of girls and sing “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. We get it; you’re best friends and have loved this song since elementary school. You may be the hottest girls at the bar but if you act like this no one is going to hit on you.

Okay, fine, everyone is going to hit on you. But I wont be happy about it.

If you need someone to tell you how to sing a song, or what song(s) to sing then you’re a joke before you even get on stage.. So ya might as well be a drunken idiot, a bunch of silly hot b.t..es, or a guy who claims to be a karaoke master…

I agree early in the night “Dont Stop Belevin” may not work, but if its getting late, people are usually drunk or well buzzed and fan favorites (Journey, Bon Jovi, Michael Jackson, etc.) usually go over pretty well and have a big crowd singing along. I’m a big fan of the stage presence too, its necessary to put on a good show!

Sorry Charlie but I must take issue with the second sentence of this article. The very translation of the word karaoke is “empty orchestra” so is by definition is not “live”…unless of course you’re using the word in the same manner as the phrase “all the way live” (“Fantastic Journey” by Lakeside, 1981). Comment #5 is correct though… there is nothing like the visceral experience of a live musical performance by a good band with a great front singer. American Idol may be over for the season but if you’d like to experience Albany’s version try “Bandaoke” tonight and every Thursday this summer at Savannah’s. It’s the same as karaoke but with a real live band.

I like the list, but I’d have to disagree with #3. Sloppy drunk is one thing, but some of the most entertaining singers shouldn’t be driving home. We run the San Diego version of live band karaoke (Rock Out Karaoke) and see it all. Good stuff!