Should
the fact that Christianity attracts so many idiots be a red flag?

All
of the Christian emails will be in blue and
my replies will be in black and
white. Enjoy!

Who
you are

Finally
you're sending me pictures of yourselves.
It's a thrill to see the faces of people that I bring so much happiness
to. As you'll see, the readers of NormalBobSmith.com are an upstanding,
cross section of society that could be the neighbor next door in
any-town USA.

The
following letters all came with the attached pictures...

Dear
Bob- It is rare that I find myself with reason to write to
anonymous people on the internet, however, I wanted to thank
you for making your Dress-up Jesus page. It brings me great
joy.
BTW, like you, I, too, am a special person. :)check
out my website to find it out!

Elbert
Lunn
lunne@aib.edu

Just
wanted to say I really enjoyed your site. I found the Jesus
hatemail to be very entertaining to read. I feel sorry for
all those people that believe in something as silly as Jesus.
Keep up the good work. Attached is a picture and an animation
that is sort of relevant. Later,

Nick
Nespecan.nespeca@mail.utexas.edu

This
is the only virtual photo available of me at present but it
PROVES that I am a super chick from outer space.

I
love you Bob.

Ruiha
Webster
ruwebste@lehman.com

Nice
site, i couldn't stop laughing at the hatemail section. All
of your rants are just too funny. I've spent like 30 minutes
reading your site, I've sent it to friends. They all love
it.

Attached i have enclosed my picture. Feel free to put the
picture on your site with "Shleepy The Internet Porn Gigalo
Approves!" next to it!

If
you would like to contact Shleepy the Internet Ninja Gigalo
simply click the address above. And, yes, he has trademarked "Shleepy
The Internet PornNinja
Gigalo".

Dear
bob, you make me so hot! That is why ive came to your website
EVERYDAY! Plus the fact that im the most lucious superchic
there is. My abillity to mesmarize every male on this planet
with sheer magnetic power makes me the hottest! I mean just
look at me mmmmmmmm!

I
also have power! That of the sensual kind!(i know you want
it!) tracktor beams, silocone missiles, 9" pumps, and stuff
like that! they don't call me "Debbie the Delishious" for
nothing! if your interested in some fun bob? just say the
words-
sssssss
ooooooooooo
wwwwwwww
eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

and
i'll come a runnin! Forever yernin for your sausage!

Debbie!coffee_squirrel@hotmail.com

Hey
Bob,
It may seem like this has nothing to do with anything but
hear me out. I was at work yesterday at the service station/tire
place and business was slow. I was reading American Gothic
Tales because let's face it the only mags they had in the
basket were the few Guns & Ammo mags that I'd already read
over a hundred times. This chick asked me what church I went
to. Now understand I'm Wiccan and I have been for some time
now but my family doesn't know it and here in the bible belt
it's better that way. I told her I attended one of the local
Baptist Churches ( havent' for over two years but *shrugs*)
and she said "Oh good because there's this group of goths
out in east Texas and they're a cult of some kind. Don't let
that book confuse you Jesus Christ is still Jesus Christ"
and then paid for her oil change and left....leaving me pissed
off. I'd been looking for a release when my sister showed
me the Jesus Dress Up I sent it to the Marilyn Manson fan
elist I'm on and I'm waiting on a response. I checked out
the rest of your site and laughed so hard my wife had to calm
me down so I could breathe again. Thanks for letting me have
a place to vent about them. You rock and I'll count you among
my list to be blessed with the ability to rock eternally....keep
rawkin!

Damien
Valerian Cross
Southwest Louisiana

Brightest
Blessings, Damien Valerian Cross Elder of the House Of Midnight's
Shadow

"Pain
is my way of self-expression" "I know I'll never see myself
dying from this immortality"
Anthrax - This Is Not An Exit

Travis
Mcmillan
damienvcross@
pathwaytodarkness.com

"The
Christian community still loves you Robert with open arms
and smiles..."

Dear
Robert, The Lord Jesus died for our sins and suffered inhumane
punishment to save our souls and this is the thanks you can
give him? You are an okay artist but i think your tailent
could be better applyed to doing the work of Jesus Christ!

I
think Jesus has a sense of humore so the dress up Jesus idea
is ok, but you are blasfemous in your talk and your words.
Use your words for good, not evil. If you need some counseling,
you can e-mail me back and we could have a few sessions together
to clear your head or I could come visit and show you what
faith i have and possibly show you the way of Jesus Christ
but that is up to you to decide. Please take heart that if
you do not retrak your words against Jesus,you will suffer
eternal damnation and hellfire and the Lord will not be able
to help your tormented soul. The Christian community still
loves you Robert with open arms and smiles and is always ready
to accept you as one of our own. You have to make that decision.
Jesus does not want to see you tortured by the Satan angel,
instead he wants to embrace you with open arms into his busom
and show you the wonders of the kingdom of heaven. From heaven
you can watch all the paganite non-beleivers burning in hell
for not accepting Christ. Not as entertainment but as a reminder
of what they are missing out on. I am reminded of scripture
in these words: Book of Revelation Ch 3, v8-21: 'Ye who shall
not accept the chosen one as his saviour will suffer eternally
for the blindess they so have incurred, not by which it was
first inflicted, but by permitting it to fester, like an open
wound for The Dark One to lick and infect'

God
Bless you Robert, The Christian Community loves you,
James Moynihan
romeosnothome@netscape.net

JAMES, DO NOT COME VISIT ME. I DO NOT KNOW YOU AND I WILL DEFEND
MY HOME AND LOVED ONES BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY.

To tell
you the truth, I've read your letter several times and I am suspicious
of it's integrity. You are just too Christian to be for real.
"Open arms and smiles", "watching the nonbelievers
burn in hell from heaven", calling my artistic talent "okay"?
Who could take you seriously? Combine that with the sexual undertone
in your words "The Dark One licks", "Jesus embracing
me into his bosom"? I
am betting that you're just some dork trying to get his letter posted.
However if you are for real, you've got issues that run much deeper
than I care to fathom.Either way, I appreciate
the effort and desire to see your letter on my site. So I am granting
you your wish.

All of that
aside, yes, I know that Jesus, God, the Christian community and
you love me. But I have to ask myself, is this reason enough to
live a lie and pretend to believe something that I cannot? Then
to limit my artistic abilities to the works of Jesus. That would
shatter my life! Although, according to you, the Lord approves of
my Jesus Dress Up page, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Can I make
a decent living illustrating Christian propaganda?

It's quite
a decision you're asking me to make. And it's a decision that I've
really been on the fence about (as you could obviously tell from
my website).

So James
Moynihan, whether you are a Christian or a jokester, real or fake,
social misfit or social misfit, this email has tattooed a picture
of you with "open arms and smiles" onto my brain. For
that I must pass on your offer to counsel me as well as the membership
into your community that has it's faces buried in Jesus' bosom.

"...you
are too proud to ask for guidance."

Dear
Robert, please dont be mad at me. I want to be your friend.
I may have come on too strong in my previous letter..sorry!
I just thought you may need a friend with all those crazy
thoughts in your head. You are on an unmarked road and you
are too proud to ask for guidance. But Jesus was not too proud
to die for our sins.

Well,
i will not bother you anymore. i just wanted to apologize
and try to make things right. I'll be here if you want to
talk. Good luck with your search for the truth...

GodblessJames Moynihan
romeosnothome@netscape.net

Unmarked
road!?
The road I am on is so clearly marked there's hardly enough room
for me and masses of other people who are traveling it.
You seem to have forgotten that it is your road that is completely
unmarked. Yours is entirely based on faith. No road signs, no evidence,
no logic. The gods are invisible and silent and everyone on this
path is praying that it leads to "Super, Fun, Happy Land".
Tell me James, how does it get any more blind than that?

I am not
mad at you. I just think that you're another blindfolded pawn with
your hands reaching forward hoping to somehow find heaven. And I
believe that talking with you about truth would be the equivalent
to an in-depth conversation with a "See-n-Say".

"God
will just tell you- fuck that"

Bob,

I
just wanted to comment briefly on the sidebar of your hatemail
page, where you list some famous folks who went to hell. You
mention at the end there that if you've got brains you'll
accept Jesus into your heart at the last second. I believe
there is a small flaw in that plan.

Basically,
it goes like this. Accepting Jesus isn't as simple as saying
"Ok, well I'm dying now so I accept Jesus as my one true Lord
and Savior. Open the bloody gate please." It's significantly
more difficult than that, because who gets to judge whether
you have successfully accepted Jesus or not?

Obviously
I don't know the answer for sure, but it just seems unlikely
to me that one second you're a badass athiest and the next
second you're a God fearing born-again Christian. The danger
is that you would die not really believing that you had accepted
Jesus and go to Hell anyway. Oops.

On
the other hand, maybe God is the one that decides who was
sincere about accepting Jesus and who was faking it. In that
case, you're screwed anyway because God will just tell you
"fuck that," and throw your ass in Hell. Oops again.

The
trick then, is to really convince yourself that Jesus will
save your soul. In my case and your case, that could turn
out to be a rather difficult task, I imagine. Nobody ever
said it was fair.

Cheers,
Pete
keeler@teleport.com

"Hell..
I can probably do it without having to lie at all." -- Anonymous

Hey Pete,

Yeah, I
know what you're sayin'. It does seem unfair that one minute you
can be a bad ass atheist and then the next second be a born again
Christian, but people do it all the time. It really isn't as difficult
as you say. The only trick is to "believe".

I found
that if I say something over and over again, pretty soon I start
to believe it. It's kinda like that "say-MOST-ten-times-real-fast
/ what-do-you-put-in-a-toaster" gag. And if that doesn't work
you can hire a hypnotist to make you believe ANYTHING! I've seen
a guy get hypnotized to fall in love with a BROOM! It was on TV!
He danced with
it, made out with it and he even proposed to it!

I'm sure
that it seems totally unfair to folks who've spent their whole lives
being Christians.

Just to
be safe, I've already had a hypnotist program me so that when my
body starts to die, my brain will believe in the bible, God, Jesus
and all that shit. It's a precaution I've taken just in case I die
in my sleep.

So don't
worry about me Pete. I've covered all my bases. And don't even get
me started on the precautions I've taken just in case the Hindus'
are right.

"...I
can't put into work how ofensive your site was."

hello
Bob Smith
Can honestly say I can't put into work how ofensive your site
was.

Heath
Wright
wutheringheight0@hotmail.com

Wow Heath.
You couldn't even
put that sentence into words.

"Probably,
it doesn't matter to you wetter I respect you or not..."

Questions:
how can I NOT have a problem with you? Respect you if you
don't respect my believes, making that 'game' dressing Jesus...?
Probably, it doesn't matter to you wetter I respect you or
not... ok.
And you don't care about my oppinion... doesn't matter, I'll
tell you anyway: I think it's ridiculous what you did to MY
best friend: Jesus. No fun at all. You can't make it fun cos
His dying wasn't funny, it was very serious... He died for
you and that was the best thing ever happend to you, someday,
maybe, you will know... meanwhile you can joke with it, actually
it doesn't make a diference to Him, He doesn't joke with you
and THAT is what really matters. But it hurted me, cos you
joked with the most important person in my life. Wouldn't
you defend your best friend? But you are right about many
things: to have Jesus you don't need any software and it's
for free; He made a good impression to the world and had the
best attitude at His cricifixion, with or without clothes;
and He is also the envy of everything, just the way He was,
is and will be! Just wanted you to know.

Marinah.
feijt700@zwo.nhl.nl

Marinah,

I tell you,
wetter or not you respect my believes and oppinions doesn't make
a diference, cos with a best friend like you defending his cricifixion
he's got all the backup he'll ever need to keep from getting hurted.

I got all
of your grammar errors collected there in one sentence!
Just wanted you to know.

Bob

"...crucifixion
was one of the Roman's worst death penalties."

Hmm,
what can I say. You've made me think all deeply and I hate
doing that cuz I always get lost. I thought dress up Jesus
was really funny, and then as I was playing it I suddenly
felt guilty. And then I thought why the hell should I feel
guilty, and then I thought why the hell shouldn't I...and
it went on like this.

The
conclusion I reached was this: Whether or not you believe
Jesus was the messiah or not is irellevant, as the fact is
that a real person, named Jesus, really did die a horrible
and painful death, crucifixion was one of the Roman's worst
death penalties. Therefore should we really be taking the
piss out of him like that? The answer is, I dunno, but I don't
think we should. Whether or not you have religious beliefs
is beside the point here, - I'm not religious. You wouldn't
take the piss out of someone dead if you'd known them, would
you? Well, anyway, that's what I think, - having said that
it's a free world and people do some wierd things in their
quest for enjoyment... I'd rather dress up Jesus if he wasn't
actually on the cross at the time! Apart from that, you have
a truly funky site! regards,

Your thought
process is dizzying. Thank you for confirming my fears of this nation's
educational system.

However
Christabel Ruth Ashby, you sound as if you have a fantastic set
of hooters and I'd love to sponsor you along your road to becoming
a professional table dancer. Pictures of yourself in a series of
provocative outfits would be greatly appreciated.
Send your Jpegs to Sponcership@NormalBobSmith.com