~ surviving the world of online dating

What a crazy weekend. First of all, I met Bachelor #1 at his company’s pub crawl on Polk Street on Saturday night. I brought along 2 of my hippest wing-women and we had truck loads of irresponsible fun. At first, I wasn’t so keen on my bachelor. He definitely lived up to his FonMatch profile as far as looks, but the connection just wasn’t there. He was really excited when we first showed up and introduced us to his work buddies. But for most of the night, my friends and I flirted casually with the other techies. At the end of the night, Bachelor #1 invited me out on a 2nd date, but I declined since he had been MIA most of the night. Not too exciting, but not too shabby for my first “date” since trying online dating.

Happy Wednesday lovelies! It’s time for a drink. I’ve survived my first half-week of online dating (that deserves a celebration, right?). Let’s talk about what’s happened so far. There’s good news, and then there’s bad news.

Let’s start with the bad news…

First of all, on FonMatch, it allows you to browse local singles from your immediate vicinity, up to 6,000 miles. Obviously, I’m keeping this local, so I kept it to 5 miles. This is San Francisco, for Pete’s sake, there should be enough single men to go around. Secondly, FonMatch allows you to either ‘wink’ or send a message to potential dates. I uploaded a couple decent pictures of myself, and voila! Within a couple hours I had 5 or 6 winks and a few messages.

Turns out, San Francisco is smaller than you’d think. I got a message from a really cute guy, “Hey there. I’m pretty new at this but you look like a beautiful girl and I’d love to get to know you a little better.” He was a 28-year-old accountant with brown hair and blue eyes. Meow. Except for one thing: I’d already been on a date with this guy! Aaaaaand, he was a complete a-hole. Sure he was hot, but on our first and only date, he insisted I only eat a salad (if I expected him to pay), and he immediately asked if he could come over to my place after dinner. Once I politely declined, he politely said he was not interested in going on a second date. Ouch. Needless to say, I won’t reply to his FonMatch message.

Now the good news…

Out of the 12 messages I’ve received to my online dating profile, 2 of them are actually potential hotties. Bachelor #1: 29, 6 foot, shaggy brown hair, and he works at a tech start-up. We’ve been chatting a bit, but he actually wants to meet…already. It’s not an official date, though. His start-up is hosting a pub crawl on Polk Street this week and he invited me to come. I think it’s his non-threatening way to make sure I’m not a total weirdo. Which is great, because I’d like the same insurance. Bachelor #2: 31, 5’11, short brown hair, accountant (well, this is San Francisco). This guy and I have no plans to meet in person yet, but the conversation within the FonMatch chat platform is decent. He seems pretty funny, and he plays saxophone, which can either be tragically endearing or actually really great.

Times are tough. Feminism. It’s nice. Blah blah blah. There are so many reasons that us ladies should offer to pay for our respective parts of the bill. I genuinely think that the guy shouldn’t have to pay for every single meal. It’s sweet when he does, but it definitely shouldn’t be expected all the time. What about on a first date?

I was out on a double-date last weekend. I didn’t know the other girl, but our dates were friends. When the bill came at the end of our meal, my date rushed to pick up our half of the check. I offered to pay my half, but he declined. On the other side of the table, the other guy looked at his date and said, “Soooo, how do you want to do this?” A little embarrassed, the girl immediately grabbed her purse and offered to split their bill. After we said our goodbyes and left the restaurant, I turned to my date and thanked him for dinner. “I honestly feel a little bad,” I said, “I should have paid for my half since Ben didn’t pay for Sarah’s.” “Don’t feel bad, he knows what he’s doing,” my date said. “What does that mean?” “It means, he’s not that into her and he wants to see if he can still get her into bed without paying for her dinner. If not, no big loss, especially since he didn’t have to pay for her dinner.”

Obviously, this isn’t the strategy for every guy. I’ve found that most guys genuinely want to impress us, or simply be a gentlemen, by paying for dinner on the first date. What experiences have you had?

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t feel the need to find another human that has exactly the same qualities, interests, and income as I have. Where’s the fun in that? I want someone who is fun and free, because I tend to be stuck up and boring. I want someone to pull me off the couch and onto the trails. I want someone to take me out dancing instead of sitting home watching Desperate Housewives reruns on a Saturday night (Can you believe it’s the final season?! Omgosh!). These are all reasons I’m avoiding the normal dating sites: Match.com, eHarmony, OKCupid, and Farmer’s Only (Okay, I threw that last one in there, but it’s a real thing!).

Here’s what I’m looking for in a dating site:

1. Location-based.

I don’t want to meet the most amazing guy ever (!!!), who happens to live in London. Okay, who are we kidding, he lives in Minot, North Dakota.

2. Free!

Why is this such a crazy idea to every dating site out there? It doesn’t cost me to walk into a bar or meet “gorgeous & rich” friends of friends of friends (which I’ve made clear I don’t have time for here), so why should the online dating community have to pay either?

3. Simple profiles.

Do you like the Giants? Do you like wine? Do you have a job? These are things I look for in a guy. I don’t want to know where you grew up, how long you lived in this city, how many siblings you have, what your favorite color is. These are things you learn as you get to know each other in person. What a concept!

After considering every, and I mean EVERY, dating site out there, I’ve decided to give FonMatch a try. It’s local, simple, and free. I’ll be using it to meet people, not develop full-on relationships…that’s for offline life.

He’s just not that into you…Ouch. We’ve all been through it, and it sucks. But, why continue to put up with guys (or gals) that won’t go the extra mile for us? Here’s 5 sure-fire ways to tell he’s head-over-heels in like with you:

1. He calls you.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many single girl friends I have that think a guy who waits 3 or 4 days in between calls is actually into them. Unless he’s a very shy and inexperienced (no thanks), a guy who is into you won’t want to give another guy a chance to woo you. He’ll call. Maybe not everyday at first, but he’ll call enough to make it clear he’s interested. Extra points if he calls on his lunch break or texts while he’s out with his friends. If this happens, the boy is smitten.

2. He calls you back.

Games. We all play them. He may think it’s cute to wait a few minutes -or even a couples hours- to call or text you back. It is cute, and you should play the game right back. No one needs to act like a new flame is the center of the universe. However, waiting days to call you back or not calling you back at all means you’re not at the top of his hit list for casual convo, so he’s shouldn’t be at the top of yours.

3. He takes you to lunch, and other non-boozy places.

If the guy calls you only for dinner and drinks after multiple dates, he’s looking for one thing. Lunch dates, friend’s gatherings, work events, and out-of-the-box dates (think: a trip to the planetarium, a picnic in Golden Gate Park) means he’s not only looking to get laid.

4. He listens.

How many times do we have to say this people? A date who listens, and provides intelligent feedback, is genuinely interested in what you’re saying -or is at least trying to be. Either way, A for effort. After your initial animal attraction to each other wears off (after a long, long time :)) you WILL need things to talk about, so why not start practicing right from the start. If he doesn’t listen now, he won’t start listening later.

5. He’s a little protective.

By protective, I don’t mean controlling. Obviously, I’m not talking 9 1/2 Weeks here. But a little protectiveness is cute and even endearing. Buckle your seat belt. Call me when you get home. Don’t have too much fun tonight. These are all perfectly acceptable, and adorable, ways he’s showing he cares.

Well hello! I’m the fearlessone referred to above. I will be chronicling my day-to-day as a hopeless romanti—er, flirt—in this blog. Not to looking to keep you bored, I plan to sprinkle most posts with dating advice (yes, I know I’m a flirt, I didn’t say marriage advice!) and some juicy deets from the not-so-private lives of me and my other single friends.

Let’s get to know each other a little better, shall we?

I’m 25 years old, female (duh), and straight. I work at a local start up company in San Francisco as the social media manager, which is a challenge most days because let’s face it, everyone in San Francisco thinks they invented social media and it gets pretty competitive.

Based on the fact that I’m stuck in an office all day, and out promoting our brand most nights, it leaves me with little time to find attractive male counterparts, and even less time to find my soul-mate. My plan is to attack the world of online dating using a brand new mobile site called FonMatch. I don’t want to fill out applications or even a detailed profile, and there’s no way I’m paying for it either. So FonMatch.com it is. Here we go…