the ups and downs of life

Archive for the month “July, 2011”

I’ll admit it. I bought bananas last week and forgot about them. Well, I sure remembered them this morning when I saw the fruit flies swarming. How in the world do they get in? Do they come in on the fruit? Am I eating them when I eat the fruit? OMG they are disgusting. I am trying to kill the boogers and they’re zipping past my head as if they’re saying “nanny nanny boo boo, you can’t catch me!” and I’m cursing under my breath. I have 2 helpful cats trying to get them, too. It’s not fun. I had a pan in the sink that I was soaking with soap in it and for some reason they seemed attracted to it. I don’t know if it was the bubbles or the smell of the soap or what. But now I have a bowl of bubbly water sitting on the counter trying to attract and drown those pesky pests. I figured using the bubble method would save on chemicals in the air and be less likely to kill me or the cats.

I hate that i let bananas ruin, but I hate more that these stupid fruit flies are all over the place now. This is ridiculous. I guess I will stick to buying 2-3 bananas at a time from now on!

I heard a sermon on forgiveness yesterday on the radio. The preacher was Andy Stanley. I really liked him. He brought up points that most people would bring up. Forgiveness is not just for the person being forgiven, but it is for the person doing the forgiving. But how do you do that? Do you wait until the person who should be forgiven asks for forgiveness? What if they don’t ask? If they don’t ask for forgiveness are you going to keep resentment and anger in your heart?

I think forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. It is not a natural thing for us. Humans tend to want to keep score and withhold forgiveness. We want things to be fair. Life isn’t fair. It will never be fair. People are always going to hurt others. It’s horrible that this is natural, yet it is. Am I going to stay angry at every person who has ever hurt me? If so, that is a LOT of anger. I don’t want to be filled with that emotion. Yet there are times when I don’t know how to get rid of it. I write. I cry. I scream. I don’t want to be filled with negativity.

Do I wait until someone asks for forgiveness? No. I can’t. There are people who feel they have done nothing wrong and I have to tell myself that I forgive them especially because of that. Obviously they’re clueless as to what they have done or they are heartless. Cluelessness and heartlessness are both things to feel pity for someone. I pity people who are absolutely clueless. I pity heartless people. They don’t know what true feelings are and that is sad. I may be hurt, but at least I can feel!

So when you are in a situation where you either forgive or not, think about it as getting a monkey off your back. Just because you forgive, it doesn’t mean you forget. And just because you forgive, it doesn’t mean that the other person was right. It just means that you don’t want to live with an ugly emotion in your life. By giving forgiveness you are taking control of your life. It’s not easy. By no stretch of the imagination is it easy. But it does give you peace.

I know so many people get upset when it rains on their day off. Not me. I have such a hard time sleeping that the sound of rain helps me get some well needed rest. I am off today and about to take a nap because I am getting sleepy as I sit here listening to the rain dancing on the roof. There’s also low and rolling thunder. It is a comforting sound. Always makes me think it is time to snuggle up. I think my cats think so, too. They have been staring at me and then looking towards the bedroom. I guess that is their way of telling me they want to nap. I think they have a great idea and am off to enjoy this wonderful sound and feeling. Hope you have a wonderful day.

Grief is something that is a unique experience for everyone. While there are steps that most people go through during a period of grief, not everyone experiences it in the same order or with the same intensity. Our life experiences make our grief personal and unique. Would an 18 year old and a 40 year old experience the loss of their parents in the same way or with the same intensity? Probably not. Why? At 18 you aren’t thinking about your parents passing away. At 40 it is more of a reality. While a 40 year old and an 18 year old may both be shocked, the 18 year old will probably be more shocked because losing their parents wouldn’t be on their radar.

People are different. We have all heard the saying about no 2 snowflakes are the same. No 2 humans are either. We have our own autonomy. Each experience we have is unique. While we may empathize with others, we cannot know exactly how another person feels. Therefore, we can’t say whether another person is grieving properly or not. While someone may want the grief process to be over, it is over when it is over. And there may be aftershocks of it. And that is ok.

While that is the typical order, not everyone experiences it that way. I have gone from the upward turn to pain and guilt like a car goes from 0-60. A person can be all over the place in the stages before it is over. What can you do to help? Be supportive. Don’t tell them when they should be done with grieving. They already feel bad enough without someone adding to it and making them feel worse. Listen. Care. That’s all that can be done with any success. Trying to force a person through the steps will only make them turn inward and isolate rather than work through the steps and finally feel better.

Today Amy Winehouse was announced dead. She was extremely talented. She was also well-known for drug use. We don’t know the exact cause of her death but I don’t think it would be too far-fetched to believe that her addiction had something to do with it. People don’t realize that what they are doing to themselves will eventually kill them. So many people think that drugs and alcohol are glamorous and fun. Drugs and alcohol are a way to self-medicate when you refuse to deal with real life. You are altering your state of mind in order to tolerate yourself and the world. Why not try to change who you are so that you can deal with life better? Why not try sobriety? Many people live sober every day and do just fine. You don’t have to use drugs or alcohol to be a great artist. Art is within you. You have the power to let that loose and do not need chemicals to assist you.

Today’s news was sad but it wasn’t shocking. And that makes it sadder. Nobody seemed shocked or surprised. It was like an inevitable fact. But it didn’t have to be. I hope people will realize that this was preventable. She didn’t have to die so young. I hope people will think about this and recognize they can stop their own self-destructive behaviors and possibly prolong their lives. I hate that addiction wins again and don’t want it to anymore. I’m just sad.