Weirdly Specific Horoscopes. 11/17/15. – by Phoebe Angle.

You didn’t believe in ghosts, until now. There is totally a ghost living in your apartment. You, your roommate, even your landlord agree. The good news? The ghost seemed like a really nice guy.

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Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21):

Having a mini pig as a pet really does sound great. However, have you ever stopped to consider how actually cray you will look owning a pig? That is really impractical. Damn it, they have hooves, and you have wood floors.

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Capricorn (December 22 – January 19):

Try on those skinny jeans again, the ones you keep in the box marked “too small, you fat fuck.” they fit again. Congratulations!

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Aquarius (January 20 – February 18):

That guy who was was super rude to you at work, then asked to see your manager because he thought you rolled your eyes? His girlfriend just dumped him, and he really was trying his best. In fact, he felt really bad after.

You HAVE to stop flipping out at the register every time you go to McDonald’s about the fact that they no longer have lobster rolls. It will be back next your. Nobody owes you a $7 lobster roll. Fuck you they have breakfast all day at McDonalds. You are gross.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20):

You look great in yellow, wear it more. No fear.

via idolator.com

Gemini (May 21 – June 20):

Listen, it is really cool that you have a N64 that still works. It really is.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22):

The more you think about moving to Chicago the more you realize that deep dish pizza really sucks, but also that Chicago style hot dogs are really good. Thats it, the stars say you’re going.

Leo (July 23 – August 22):

Well, your degree in logrolling turned out to not be all that lucrative. But hey your job as physicians assistant is not that bad at all. You should have moved out of Maine sooner, and for sure not have gone to school there.

via tripadvisor.com

Virgo (August 23 – September 22):

As the days become shorter, it is becoming a hell of a lot easer for you to hide the fact that you are a vampire.

via genius.com

Libra (September 23 – October 22):

So you did not get that promotion at work. Post about how upset you are about about it, everyone is clearly out to get you. You will get the next one.