Part 2 of "The Choir" Leta rants....

So I'm in this stressfull, thrilling, frustrating, fun, politicaly nasty gospel choir and "small" women's group. There were originally about nine of us in this "girls" group - hand selected from this 60 person (and growing) volunteers in the choir. Well, then our leader's ***** wife found out about it and attached herself to us. This woman can sing - well enough for this large choir but a small group? Nah-ah. She went and opened it up to everyone in the choir! Well, after I counted 17 of us ladies one practice I arranged a meeting. I put forth the ideas that if we had open enrollment we had no quality control and and we were getting three altos for every soprano! - forcing myself and another also to go over to that section when ever they needed help! I asked, "If you were putting together, say, a math team, a bowling league, a typist's club - you wouldn't want me. I SUCK at these things, as well as many others. Why then is it anethema to suggest that some folks sing better than others? They do ya know." I was methodical, logical even but the other members were cowed by this woman's presense.This is when I was called an "exclusionist" by her! If you know anything about logic you'll know that name calling is a way to bring an enlightened discussion to an abrupt end. I AM an exclusionist! I want to exclude women who don't sing very well from our small women's group (like her)! Our leader is a slave to her so has to back up all her opinions or catch hell. Okay, then there was this song where there has to be a lead part to sing the verses. The second altos had it - when this woman joined us she wanted the sopranos (which she is one) to try it. They did. They tanked and the second altos got it back. This steamed her so after a few weeks I came in late to find that she was sitting in my chair! We both have asthma so I nicely asked her, "Are you feeling well tonight, Linda? Some days when I have a bad case of asthma I could almost sing base!" She turned to me and sneered, "I can sit where ever I want !!!" I mean how childish can one be? NOT sit where her weak voice MIGHT be of some use. NOT sit where she does every day in our choir (a group where the sopranos always get the leads) but she sits in what is unarguably the strongest vocal section already for this song with a long solo only and then walks back to her spot after it's over every performance! This woman has NO shame! And does anyone say a thing? No. Well, TODAY I find out that this stupid name (that was thought of by a man) was finally decided on for our women's group name in my absence last week. "The Hot Flashes"! It is sexist, ageist, and not even funny. I have to say I probably resent it more cause I'm only 44. Anyway, I asked them why the small MEN'S group we have isn't called the 'The PROSTRATE-ors" or the "Viro...pausels" then? Their medium age is far greater than ours. I'm pissed. I wrote a letter and shot it off to every woman in our "small" group. I have a mailbox full of replies but I know what I'll see. Half the women agree with me about how dorky the name is but they hold our leader on a pedastal and are afraid of his wife so they won't make waves. I wish things like this didn't madden me the way they do. I'm pretty sure this is part of me is my condition but I don't know how to control it and, worse of all, I don't even think I want to.

I can totally relate. Things get me fired up all the time, like the management of subject at my university. I ask people what their opinions are and take them to a higher power, where I am shot down. I am currently trying to make it possible for everyone to see their exams after theyve been marked.....at the moment they make it sound taboo to see them! Im also trying to tget the workload for 3rd years reduced, as I have personally witnessed breakdowns of several friends in 3rd year due the high expectations placed on them.

I am currently starting meds, and I had qualms about how much it would change my character. As yet my thirst to make things right, and to express group opinions for underdogs is still very strong. My opinionated nature will not disappear just because of some mood stabilisers, I think. You need to think about what other benefits you could get if you did consider meds. You may find some people are more willing to listen to you when you are stable, whether they know the reason for that or not.

As for this group, confront the wife yourself. Tell her what you think....she needs taking down a notch. Talk to the husband and let him know that this is a small womens group, and you believe that his wife should follow the rules jsut as much as anyone else. Offer your help for his co operation. For example, if he agrees to talk to her passively about it, you can be the bad guy and tell her to get the hell out of the alto section when she is a soprano.

Suggest other names for the group. Put it to vote when the wife isnt there if possible. send an email out to people to vote for the group name, so that they dont feel pressured by her. Make it simple and safe for them to give their opinion.

What well thought out advice. You're right that I should speak to her - I'm afraid!!! She is the most jealous, bitter, childish person I've ever met!
I can't go speak to our leader because he used to have a crush on me. I didn't know until later but a lot of the choir thought we were having an affair! If you knew this guy I hope you'd be as shocked by this news as I was. Anyway, he made amends to his wife by taking back the solo he'd given me and that I had got nothing but cudos for! Like I said I didn't know WHAT was going on until a few people who knew what was happening explained it to me.
I've suggested the name "Hot Dishes" Very midwest, right? In this last letter to them I suggested that we vote on it. I'm an artist and they want me to make a logo. A logo for hot flashes? See what I mean?

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