‘You Guys Are Gonna Love This One When It Comes Out,’ Says Agency Head

LANGLEY, VA—Barely able to contain his elation over the previous night’s clandestine operation in the Middle East, CIA director John O. Brennan told reporters Monday they were going to “totally love this mission” once the agency declassified the details. “I can’t say much just yet, except that it was called Operation Sabre Dawn, and what happened at 0100 Arabia Standard Time—oh my God—it was absolutely nuts,” said a visibly giddy Brennan, begging gathered members of the media to take his word on this one because it would be “well worth the wait.” “Seriously, you probably wouldn’t believe what went down out there even if I did tell you. Let’s just say I can neither confirm nor deny a double-digit body count. I mean, wow, I’ve already said too much, but trust me, it was sweet.” Brennan then winked at the cameras, made an “explosion” hand gesture, and told reporters that if they wanted a good read, they should file a Freedom of Information Act request in 25 years.