RALPH SCOWLS AND PACES, STICKS HIS FINGER INTO FROSTING, TAKES A LICK.

ALICE
Ralph, what’s wrong?

RALPH
You know what’s wrong Alice, you know what’s wrong. Benedict, that son of ours.
I raised him to be my image, drive a bus or sumpin’, get a good union job, join the
bowlin’ league and the Loyal Order of the Raccoons. Now he’s tryin’ to be James Bond.
Its all your fault, Alice, all those bigger-than-his-britches words you put in his mouth.

ALICE
Ah Ralph, he was a smart kid, clues started early. Train set, three rail Lionel, DC power in the middle,
Yes, exactly. Caramel corn sticks to track, train derails, crashes into hamster. Hamster flies into goldfish bowl causing
big splash as hamster was greasy, increasing effect of surface tension on water. Displaces goldfish, which lands on
the floor. Hamster drowns. Goldfish survives but takes the rap. Benedict saves her by pure deduction.

ED
Huh?

RALPH
Yeow! Listen up Alice. I just got a text from him from — are you ready for this — another dimension: length,
width, woof, warp…whaat? He’s nuttier than a Walnetto.

AUDIENCE OOH

ALICE
Elementary my dear Ralph. Kindergarten. Caught in boy’s room smoking with caterpillar.
Forced to clap erasers. Chalk dust found at scene of strangling. Benedict put two and two together,
which he had just learned to do.