Monday, August 18, 2014

The Thin Line Between Sex-Only And Getting To Know Each Other

It's a thin like between just wanting sex and getting to know each other. It's a thin like between just calling him a friend and calling him your bae, boo, honey, or whatever word you choose. The line can even get crossed that moment he calls you his boo. He might be just throwing the word boo out there because he can't think of anything else to call you, but as a woman you end up interpreting it as so much more. The lovey-dovey words can represent a bond being formed in your mind, especially if sex hasn't even happened yet.

I'm not sure when it started, but at some point I became pro friends with benefits. I became pro-sex while attempting to keep all emotions out. However, then I had an experience where if I would have known the guy better I would not have gotten involved with him at all. Now I've come to the realization that even if it's all about sex, I need to get to know some information about the man I'm preparing to fool around with.

I need to know what his interests are, what his relationship with his family is like, if he's bossy or respectful to women, and anything else that could hint at whether or not his sanity is intact. I need to know whether he'll want to schedule times for us to be together or if he'll just show up nearby early in the morning. What does a girl do with all this knowledge? She starts to understand him.

"My mission is to make sure you don't wanna go nowhere." In getting to understand a man, I sometimes wonder if I'm crossing a line. A hugely known fact that people rarely speak about is how emotional men are. Once a man feels he knows you, he's emotionally attached as long as he is seeing you. That means if I start the game of sexing a man that claims he doesn't want a relationship, I also can't just easily walk away from him when I'm ready to.

I'm also starting to realize the older I get the more the picture changes. I'm not dealing with men who have 20 different options for women surrounding them like in college. Some of these men have kids already, some have ex-wives, and some are at a point where they are struggle with what their man-hood is supposed to even look like. They were taught a man takes care of his home, but they are still living with their parents as 30 creeps closer. They've been hurt by at least one woman and I'm supposed to be that woman that goes in and changes a man's perception for the better again. I'm also dealing with men who have love everything about their lives, except for the fact that they don't have a woman to call their own. I'm not at a point where I can be totally comfortable with life as it is.

If you're still single, do you notice how much more complicated it gets as you get older?