Deadly Rival Roller Derby’s Imitation Super Brawl

For those of us who could care less about the actual Super Bowl, our great pals, Deadly Rival Roller Derby, decided to replay it. On skates, without balls of any kind. (Except maybe ball bearings.)

Thrills, spills, and decisions that’ll make you scratch your head in confusion:

Frustrating when you’re trying to piece the bout back together that night, or three weeks later, depending on how industrious your local derby reporter is. The only guidance coming from the understandably biased Giant VigilAnte; who helpfully provided a screaming play-by-play from the sin bin.