Whatever 3.25

NICK CANNON has created a new, white character named Connor Smallnut to promote his upcoming album “White People Party Music” . . . and the outfit includes so-called “whiteface” makeup.And we’re wondering if you think it’s okay, or if whiteface is just as offensive as blackface.

(You can see VIDEOS of Nick as Connor here and here.And here’s the terrible single, “Pajama Pants“.)

Ellen Page Would Rather Be Embraced By A Woman Than By God

ELLEN PAGE Tweeted a response to an unidentified “pastor” who had apparently contacted her with concerns about her homosexuality.

If you’re religious, this may offend you . . . if you’re not, you might find it hilarious . . . or at least witty.

Ladies . . . when the guy who dumped you impregnates his next girlfriend, that’s rarely a good feeling, right?Well, apparently it’s cool for DEMI MOORE.Supposedly she’s HAPPY that ASHTON KUTCHER and MILA KUNIS are expecting.

A source says, quote, “She actually considers this moment to be closure.She never really expected to get back with Ashton but this pretty much seals the deal that the moment of her life with him is now officially completed.”

(Meanwhile, Mila MAY have been showing a baby bump while shopping with Ashton.And here are some shots from her guest-starring role on “Two and a Half Men”.)

Sexy Pictures of Famous People

1.STACY KEIBLER confirmed her pregnancy by posting a picture of an actual bun in an actual oven.

2.When SARAH MCLACHLAN isn’t making you feel bad about not rescuing every stray animal in the world, she’s apparently hitting the gym . . . because her body is TIGHT.

13.Is KANYE WEST a vampire?In this photo from “Vogue”, it looks like he doesn’t have a reflection.

14.EMMA ROBERTS posted a sunbathing pic, along with the hashtag “Pale for life”.

An Arrest Warrant Issued for Anita Baker Was Lifted Yesterday

An arrest warrant that was issued last week for singer ANITA BAKER was lifted yesterday.The warrant was issued after Anita failed to appear at a hearing concerning a civil lawsuit filed against her in 2011 by a contractor who did work on her Detroit-area home.Anita claims she never even heard about the lawsuit until last week.

Anita claims she doesn’t owe the guy, and the work he did was substandard.There’s a hearing scheduled for April 4th to determine if that judgment should be set aside.

Does the Hammer of Thor Actually Weigh as Much as 97 Million Titanics?

Some science geeks say that Thor’s hammer should actually weigh 4.6 TRILLION METRIC TONS, or about as much as 97 million Titanics.That means that if Thor dropped it, it would immediately smash all the way through to the Earth’s core, causing chaos equal to that of the comet that destroyed the dinosaurs.

There’s a New Cheech & Chong Movie on the Way

CHEECH & CHONG are doing their first official “Cheech & Chong” movie since 1984.There’s no word on a title yet, but it’ll center around 67-year-old CHEECH MARIN and 75-year-old TOMMY CHONG going to a festival called The Burning Joint.They hope to start filming this summer.

Spoiler Alert:The Creators of “The Good Wife” Have Written a Letter Explaining Sunday’s Surprise Plot Twist

Spoiler Alert for “The Good Wife”!The show’s creators have written a letter to fans explaining the shocking death on Sunday’s show, and posted it on Twitter.They said that in the end, killing JOSH CHARLES’ character made more sense to the story than merely “sending him off” to fade away.

Judge Joe Brown Was Arrested After Going on a Courtroom Tirade

JUDGE JOE BROWN’S TV show is over, but he was back in court yesterday . . . in REAL life . . . and he got ARRESTED.Brown was representing someone in a child support case when he flipped out on the judge.He was cited for contempt of court five times, and ordered to spend five days in jail.

Are People More Likely to Watch a Show Because of Twitter Hashtags?

A new study has found that Twitter is a driving force in getting people to watch TV shows.76% of people who recall seeing TV-related Tweets have searched for a show.And 77% have “taken action to watch show content.”

Tuesday TV Reminders:

• “The Voice” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC.The judges’ steals continue as the first part of the battle rounds come to a close.

• “Glee” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.Gwyneth Paltrow and Kristin Chenoweth try to save the glee club now that its funding has been cut.

• “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road“, a 40th anniversary deluxe edition of Elton John’s classic album, with a second disc of artists like Ed Sheeran, Miguel, Fall Out Boy and the Zac Brown Band covering the songs.

Five Random Facts For Tuesday

1.It’s estimated there are about three million ships wrecked and sitting at the bottom of the world’s oceans . . . and they’re worth billions of dollars between their artifacts and treasure.

2.North Korean women have to get one of 18 different hairstyles that have been approved by the government . . . men have to choose one of 10.

3.It’s illegal to own a pet hamster in Hawaii.The climate is too good for hamsters . . . so if a few ever escaped, they could start wild colonies that would devastate Hawaii’s native crops.

4.Singapore has the highest percentage of millionaires of any country.One out of SIX households has a net worth over $1 million.

5.BOB MARLEY gave a songwriting credit on “No Woman, No Cry” to a man named Vincent Ford, who ran a soup kitchen in Jamaica.It was his way of making sure it would be funded forever.

According to a new survey, you’re not the only person whose mother wants to hear from you more often.The average person calls their mother once a week, on Monday, at 7:00 P.M. before primetime TV starts . . . and only talks for 22 minutes.

1.The average person calls their mother once a week.

2.The most common day is Monday.

3.The most common time is 7:00 P.M.In other words, it’s before primetime TV starts.

You’re More Likely to Check Email or Watch TV Before Work Than Spend Time with Your Family

According to a new survey, only 18% of people say they have time to help their kids get ready for school in the morning.And only 43% have ANY time to spend with their family.But 51% say they have time to check email, 48% have time to browse the Internet, and 47% have time to watch TV . . . all before work.

Here are the top MYTHS parents tell their kids to get them to eat different foods.31% tell their kids eating the crusts on their bread will give them curly hair . . . 29% say drinking milk will make you strong . . . and 25% say eating carrots will help you see in the dark.

What’s Something You Figured Out as an Adult That You Should’ve Learned as a Child?

What’s something you figured out as an adult that you really should’ve learned as a child?A few of our favorites are that it’s a smaller world than you think, so don’t burn bridges . . . you’re not going to succeed on just your natural talent and intelligence, you need to work . . . and not every single person is going to like you.

Does Drinking Make You Funnier?No . . . It Actually Makes You Less Funny

Does drinking make you funnier?Yes and no . . . but mostly no.A new study found that people think they’re INCREDIBLY funny when they’re drunk . . . but their friends don’t see it that way.For every drink you have, you think you’re getting funnier . . . while your sober friends think you’re getting less funny.

Believe it or not, 5% of people say they’ve checked FACEBOOK during sex.Which isn’t really an endorsement of how INTERESTING their friends are on Facebook . . . it’s more of a sign of how BAD their sex is.

The survey also found 12% of people have answered their phone during sex and 10% have texted.

Women always say it’s the thought that counts when it comes to presents.And as guys, we all assumed that meant:“Nothing’s more thoughtful than expensive jewelry.”But apparently we were being too cynical.

In a new survey, 56% of women say they’d prefer a thoughtful gift like a memorable trip over diamonds.The survey also found women would prefer a gift card to cash.

A Woman Just Won a Trip to the Final Four From Burger King . . . And Won the Same Thing Last Year From Wheat Thins

A woman in Los Angeles just won an all-expenses paid trip to the Final Four in a contest from Burger King.Which is crazy . . . since she ALSO won an all-expenses paid trip to the Final Four last year, from Wheat Thins.She’s a “sweeper” . . . which is a person who enters basically every corporate contest they can find no matter how big or small the prize is.

Alyson Michalka is 25.Jenny’s hot girlfriend Brooke on “Two and a Half Men”.You’d also know her from “Hellcats” and as the Aly of the teen pop duo Aly & AJ.

Katharine McPhee is 30.Before NBC’s “Smash”, she was the “American Idol” runner-up who lost out to Taylor Hicks . . . despite her gorgeous, all natural breasts.

Danica Patrick is 32.Auto racing’s female superstar.Despite the fact that she has an actual talent, she’s also lowered herself to become a “Go Daddy Girl”.

Related Comedy:Danica Patrick turns 32 today.She’ll leave for her birthday party at the same time as everyone else, but still get there last.

Lee Pace is 35.He’s two years younger than Orlando Bloom, despite playing Legolas’ father . . . King Thranduil . . . in the “Hobbit” movies.He’s also the villain in the upcoming Marvel movie “Guardians of the Galaxy”.

Juvenile is 39.Dazzling young urbanite.

Lark Voorhies is 40.Delicious Nubian Lisa on “Saved By The Bell”!She was also in “How High” with Method Man and Redman and was once engaged to Martin Lawrence.She’s spent the last few years turning white and going insane.(???)

Sheryl Swoopes is 43.Three-time WNBA MVP . . . who came out of the closet in 2005.FYI:The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice.So, Sheryl Swoopes is NOT safe for lesbian diabetics.

Teanna Kai is 43.Asiatic mattress actress who was “Penthouse” Pet of the month in October of 2001, and performed lesbian scenes in 139 fine films, including . . . “Sex Idol”, and “Asian Invasion 3″.Enjoy one of her PG-13 photo shoots here.

Sarah Jessica Parker and her Man Hands are 49.

Lisa Gay Hamilton is 50.Used to be the Nubian lawyerette on “The Practice”.She was also on that TNT show “Men of a Certain Age”.And she appeared in the movie “Beastly” as the beast’s loyal maid.

Marcia Cross is 52.Bree on “Desperate Housewives”.

Brenda Strong is 54.“Desperate Housewives” narrator Mary Alice Young and Bobby’s wife on the new “Dallas”.But I’ll always know her from her legendary “Seinfeld” role as Sue-Ellen Mishkie, Elaine’s bra-less rival and heir to the Oh Henry! candy bar fortune.

Bonnie Bedelia is 66.Camille Braverman on “Parenthood”.But to me she’ll always be Holly McClane in the “Die Hard” movies.

Elton John is 67.He didn’t let the sun go down on him.But the father and the older brother were another story.

Paul Michael Glaser is 71.Starsky on “Starsky & Hutch”.He was the LOOSE CANNON of the duo, and he had the sweet ride.He and the original Hutch, David Soul, had a cameo in the Ben Stiller/Owen Wilson movie remake.

Aretha Franklin is 72.Aretha digs Terrence Howard:Quote, “Twenty years ago, I would have hustled and flowed with him.He sure is fine!I have to say that every time I see him.Hallelujah, glory to God!That man is fine!”And we’d guess Terrence would be into it . . . last year, he talked about doing a love scene with Oprah in that movie “Dead Man Down” and praised Oprah’s “tig ol’ bitties.”

Related Comedy:Aretha Franklin and Elton John both celebrate birthdays today.Which means it’s the birthday of one of the most successful women in music history . . . as well as Aretha Franklin.

(Why was there never a sequel to this movie?I’m DYING to know if Ponyboy stayed gold!!!)

29 years ago . . . In 1985, PRINCE won the Oscar for Best Original Score with the “Purple Rain” soundtrack.STEVIE WONDER won the Best Song Oscar for “I Just Called To Say I Love You” (from the film, “The Woman In Red”).

24 years ago . . . In 1990, TOMMY LEE was arrested for exposing his well-hung Hepatitis-laden buttocks (?) during a Georgia concert.

22 years ago . . . In 1992, COSMONAUT SERGEI KRIKALEV returned to Earth after 10 months on what was only supposed to be a five-month space mission.He was forced to double his time in space when the Soviet Union CEASED TO EXIST in his absence.Thankfully, the Ruskies finally coughed up enough rubles to retrieve him.

19 years ago . . . In 1995, MIKE TYSON was released from prison after serving three years for the rape of beauty pageant contestant DESIREE WASHINGTON.You can forget about him having been “rehabilitated”.He STILL claims she made it all up.

18 years ago . . . In 1996, “Braveheart” won the Best Picture Oscar and MEL GIBSON won Best Director.

13 years ago . . . In 2001, JULIA ROBERTS won the Best Actress Oscar for “Erin Brockovich” . . . and Hollywood He-Whore RUSSELL CROWE won for “Gladiator”.

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