And it's a good thing there are lots of simple ways to change what's going on for you two.

There are two things you can do very easily. They're both really simple and usually really challenging. Simple in action, but challenging because they mean you're going to have to be really vulnerable with him- and that takes courage.

Get to know yourself

First you have to really understand what you like and don't like all on your own - with or without him. So you're going to have to get comfortable trying things on yourself if you haven't already. There's nothing wrong with masturbation- especially because it will help you be a better lover.

Get a vibrator or a dildo or just use your hands and some lube, but spend some time figuring out how and where you like being touched, caressed and how and when you like penetration. Every woman likes different things and most of us expect our partners to intuitively know how our unique vagina works. But that's just not reality. You need to know what you like so you can tell him.

Open up

Then when you're with him notice what you do like most and TELL HIM. Out loud. So he can hear it. Be as specific as you can so he knows what actually works. You might say things like:

"I love what you're doing with your finger."

"Don't stop licking me there."

"That pressure is awesome. Keep it gentle like that."

"Can you keep using your hands like that?"

"I love your cock so deep inside me."

If those phrases feel too challenging right now try starting with one-word or two-word feedback like:

That helps him know what's working and keep doing that. Don't be afraid to ask him to keep doing something or for more foreplay if you need it. There's no reason to rush (unless that's what you're into).

I hope this helps you two change the way you're connecting sexually. You deserve all the pleasure you want, and the two of you deserve the kind of connection you desire. I hope this helps set you on a new path.

If you're already doing these things and it's not helping OR if doing these feels too challenging you might want a little extra help. Give me a call for a consultation, I'm happy to help you get clear about what you need to help things along.