February 7, 2019

Since we last spoke.

You'll notice (maybe) that I've been blogging but there's been very little current/updated/this-is-what's-happening type of blogging. You see, it's been a season. A hard one. And I couldn't blog through it. So I just had to stop blogging. Then, when I assumed I'd be able to safely reside in this space again around the beginning of January, I was still in the middle of through. I've done through before, but every through looks different. I couldn't do real-time-currently type blogging because I can't blog through things. I needed things to settle before I could start talking again. I won't say everything is settled at this point but, as my Jesus Calling devotional told me so aptly and appropriately last week, I need to give up the illusion that I deserve a problem-free life. I don't actually deserve anything, really, and everything I have is a gift I'm trusted with.
I've just been trying to approach the challenges as gracefully as I can (which isn't that gracefully, when I'm getting up two to three times a night to feed a baby...in fact, I may be all out of grace at this point.)

However, since I've last written, like really written...

We put our Wyoming house up for rent in December.

Scott actually re-did the cabinets and the countertops in January, so it doesn't quite look this way anymore.

We packed up everything Wells and I would need for a month or so and put everything else into storage.

I drove back to Pennsylvania with Wells (in two days, in case you're wondering). Wells and I moved in with my parents for two weeks.

I left Scott and the dogs in Colorado. He encouraged me to go and, while I felt like I was running away from what we were dealing with there, I knew it'd be for the best because then I could find us a place to live in Pittsburgh.

Somewhere in Kansas.

I "celebrated" New Year's with a teething baby and a marathon of Dr. Pimple Popper.

Our Colorado house went on the market.

Wells met my brother and sister-in-law and aunts and cousins.

I spent an entire day driving around Pittsburgh looking at rentals.

I took Wells to meet Scott's family, including the rest of his grandparents. (This sounds dumb, like I should've done it already or something as soon as I got to PA, but Scott's town is 2-3 hours from my town, so it was another trip I had to plan and pack for after unpacking at my parents' house.)

He'd been sleeping so his face was all smushed up.

I did massive amounts of paperwork, made phone calls, and attempted to set up everything for a move to a rental house in Pittsburgh.

Scott trekked across the country with the dogs and half of our stuff to be unpacked in our new rental. My family helped us unpack and clean and sort.

Scott left the dogs with me, trekking back to get the rest of our furniture, and finalize all the CO/WY stuff before starting his new job in PA.

I barely kept my head above water, in Pittsburgh, for two weeks alone. I packed up the dogs and went to my parents' house for a bit. I always think this will be easier and make me feel better, but it leaves me just as unsettled. Living out of a suitcase for a month wasn't in my ideal game plan but it was what it was.

Scott sold a bunch of stuff in Colorado...one of our three trailers, the four-wheeler, etc...just trying to get rid of what we wouldn't need for a few years.

Around January 27th, I put together Christmas presents for our families. J-A-N-U-A-R-Y 27th. They'll get them...at some point. At least I don't have to mail them.

We found renters for our Laramie house and our Colorado house is still on the market. It's been on for a month and we've had so many showings that it was actually really inconvenient to Scott while he was trying to pack/clean/load furniture. But that's a good thing. We're hopeful for buyers to come our way sooner rather than later, but your crossed fingers and/or prayers would be more than appreciated. While I don't think Scott is at all ready to let the place go (and the dogs are NOT ready to let that kind of freedom go), and I wish we could just pick up the house and move it, we won't be going back to Colorado. Prayers for a speedy sale are helpful!

To emphasize just how out of sorts things have really been over the last 8 months, Scott and I have spent 4-5 weekends together since the end of July. He was in Colorado, trying to finish the house and get it up to code, as the woman who sold us the house had done work that wasn't up to code and needed to be redone (this was the worst surprise ever, as we were ready to put it on the market with me 9 months pregnant and then...we weren't). I was in Wyoming with an infant. The weekends we did spend together were spent in Colorado, working on the house, so there was nothing relaxing about that, and I don't really count it. This last weekend was the first weekend we've had together in a very long time, with nothing on the to-do list but to unpack this rental house and sleep in and walk the dogs.

I found myself wanting to complain often over the last several months, so I just stopped talking about it. My complaints seem trivial, but they were so valid to me and especially in the post-partum months; I just wanted to be normal again and nothing was easy or normal. And it was little things I'd get upset about; things that I know everyone reading this takes for granted: I wanted all of my furniture in the same state, for example. I missed my couches. I wanted my own trashcan. It was in Colorado. I didn't pay $50 for a trashcan not to use it. I have to think that it's not just me, and everyone and anyone would have struggled in this position. I mean, I would hope it's not just me.

I was ridiculously happy when I unpacked the trashcan in Pittsburgh last week.

I honestly have no idea what the next few months will look like. We still have a lot to do, mentally, concerning Colorado, as well as figuring out the logistics of our new life here. With every move, everything changes anyway. With every new job, every new town, every new routine...it's a lot to take in at once. I'm hopeful that this will be a good fit for us and we can spend equal time relaxing, enjoying Pittsburgh, and seeing our families much more often.

i can't really blog when going through things either. i have to get to a certain point where i feel like things have settled, or if i am blogging about something like books, that's okay because i can ignore the other stuff. i cannot believe you went through al of that pregnant/postpartum. that's a lot, and your complaints would definitely have been valid, but i understand just not talking about it. sometimes it is easier for sure. it's definitely not just you. i struggled with that a lot when we were living in my MIL's basement, like i just want my own stuff back. i hope pittsburgh is a good fit for you guys and i really really hope you sell your colorado house super speedy. fingers crossed!

I can't imagine going through even a third of that with a baby and doggies in tow, wow!! I hope the next few months are a bit better and you can settle in and enjoy the little things like having the hubby and furniture in one place :) Fingers crossed you sell the house soon!!

I feel like this is a lot like your last move... you are one tough lady to go out & do all this along & then this time, with a baby.& that "somewhere in Kansas" picture - that is pretty dang cute!I am LOVING that kitchen with those cream looking cabinets. I totally saved that pic to show Ricky

I'm exhausted just reading this. Holy hell. I don't know if you drink, but if so, GET YOU SOME! And if not, find a spa! You deserve it. That steering wheel picture is THE cutest. I hope things start settling down for you.

Not having one real home with your own things is really, really tough. I have had to deal with that at many and sundry times both while growing up and since we started moving around (and 4.5 years later I still miss my bed and my couch and my coffee table and my dishes and my kitchen in America...it kind of helps but also doesn't help that they are all still in the family, so I can visit my furniture and my former rooms, but I can never have them back again)...but not while also caring for a newborn, which would add an insane level of complexity to the already "homeless" feeling. I've found that my reaction to getting frustrated with having to leave things I really, really liked behind...has been to buy as little as possible anymore. When we were newlywed I was so excited to set up my home the way I liked it and have things that I liked....but It's just annoying to have stuff you really like and not get to keep it, which is why I'm now "minimalist" and try not to own unnecessary things. Probably not the best coping mechanism, but hey, it saves money? I should probably try to "settle in" more, but we have no guarantee of being able to live here long-term, so...I don't settle in.

Good job surviving. This has been a totally crazy time. And you two being in different places for that much of the year definitely just makes everything harder. Hopefully things will begin to calm down now that you're all in one house, and I also hope that Colorado house sells soon!

Goodness. That really is a lot. I can't quite wrap my head around where you are and how you got there, I just know it must have been a mammoth effort! Especially largely by yourself AND with a new baby. I understand why you didn't complain about it, but you'd have been well within your rights to (if you ask me).

I totally get where you're coming from with the stuff thing. I only lived with my sister for a month without my own stuff and I nearly lost the plot. Like... actually. And I love my sister dearly. But not having my own space or my own things was really hard! I got surprisingly excited over the smallest things when our stuff arrived from the UK. I'm so glad you've been reunited with your things now, I hope you and they have a lovely relaxing time together for a nice long time. Oh and Scott too.

So if it's not too nosy a question, I'm intrigued about your house logistics. Are you going back to Wyoming one day, and that's why you're keeping the house? Or another reason? As someone perennially on the cusp of entering the property market, I'm interested in how other people make their decisions. If it's too intrusive please ignore :) Oh and everything crossed for a quick sale in Colorado! Who wouldn't want that kitchen sink?!

i'm so sorry that I've been out of the blogging loop and missed all of this. I feel like we're always in similar seasons at the same time--these seasons of unsettled chaos. I'm adding you to my daily prayers, friend. And I'm here if ever you need to vent. You can text me your complaints any time because I GET IT. Also, your kid is just too darn cute.

Just moving from IL to FL last year (plus moving again once we got to FL) threw me off the entire year. I can't imagine having to do it every so many years and with kids. It's mentally and physically exhausting.