Maeve, you pipped me to the post; so good to hear from '9' & agreed, in the thoughts & hearts of many of us.

Janie, like you, I check in most days...like you & Maeve, I am often lost for words but desperate to say something meaningful.

Sandra, wouldn't it be amazing if we could collect all the tears shed & transform them into a balm that would cure all ills, comfort the distressed, ease all pain & suffering. I long to live in such a World.

Yesterday, Ann & I asked our Doctor for a Bereavement Counsellor referral. We've muddled along as best we could, but the enormity of what happened in March last year has finally hit home. We've been kidding ourselves that we were 'ok', clinging desperately to the 'day at a time' mantra. Only time will tell. With Love, Nigel & Ann xxxxxxxxxx

A good move Nigel. I think we all will agree that you and Ann shared a personal loss far harder than most. No one should have to bury their children. You have the support of this crew and my personal best thoughts as you begin your journey. The two of you deserve the very best and I hope this step helps to get you there.

Nigel and Ann- Good. Wise move...we'll be here and you'll make a different sort of journey exploring the depths and dizzying heights of your loss and love for your family and one another.

Nigel..."we could collect all the tears shed & transform them into a balm that would cure all ills, comfort the distressed, ease all pain & suffering. I long to live in such a World." That's the germ of a song, young man.

Sorry to say, we have a set back. Tommys lung has weakened again and he has infection in his feeding tube site which is feared could be dangerous so an op to change it was scheduled today. This has been put off till tomorrow due to other emergencies. However he dipped badly tonight which caused a flurry of activity, and if it had happened during op might have been fatal. Needless to say ,it is worrying, so all prayers appreciated. Nigel...wishing you and Anne solace and comfort. Blessings all. Pete

Nigel, I think you made a wise decision to seek out a bereavement counselor. That's why they exist! People shouldn't have to handle some things alone. Grieving is a journey, and this will be one more step in that journey.

The op went ahead this afternoon and though he is still coming round , it seems to have gone well.the x ray prior to the op was clear of the whiteout shown on the x ray of the previous day apparently. There was a lot of infection to clean out ,so op took a lot longer than scheduled but hopefully he will start to mend now. Thanks for your prayers and kind thoughts. Bless you. Pete.

Thank you Pete, for keeping us informed re Tommy. Still lifting him in my thoughts and wishing all good energy towards his healing.

Lunch time today I really bad reaction to chemo I took this morning. Battled on through work regardless. Still sick so no dinner tonight. Maybe bowl of cornflakes later. Decided to take tomorrow as a flexi day. Need recupe time.

In each of our lives, great storms, little storms, and more often storms that aren't epic, but go on and on. As we sail that is the case also. With each clearing or break in the clouds, or even remarkably beautiful play of light on clouds layered on clouds in the angled light of morning or twilights, may we lift up our wings and fly.

My thoughts are focussed on Pete & Tommy, as they are, each & every day. Hoping, hoping, hoping that Good Health will be Tommy's constant companion. Hoping, hoping, hoping, Pete, that your Faith will guide & sustain you.

Janie, your knack of choosing "La Musique juste" is quite uncanny. Thank you & thank you for introducing me to two singers who are new to me (very out of touch these days).

Spaw, just as Janie manages to find great Music, your knack of finding "Le Mot juste" is equally uncanny. I read & re-read your posts. They are for all to read, but I always have that feeling that you're speaking directly to me too. Like the way a good actor can make you feel that you're the only person in the auditorium.

Wendy, I feel I know You, Billy & your Mother as if we'd been neighbours for years. You have allowed us into your world with your movingly intimate posts. I've laughed & cried in equal measure.

Gnu, would you join me up on deck? The air is crisp & fresh & the sound of the waves gently breaking against the bow, makes Music that none could play, but all can appreciate. I would enjoy some time in your company.

Maeve, ".....a germ of a song". If I write the lyrics, would you like to compose the melody? If I'm to achieve anything at present, collaboration seems to be my only option, for I can create nothing 'in my solitude'.

To you all, I send my Love & Gratitude. Just knowing that you're there, regardless of how near or far you may be, is a great comfort, With Love, Nigel xxxx

Tommy sleeping peacefully this afternoon. Tube removed from him this morning and he has seemed much brighter and less tired. He is on bi pap breath assistance because of the weak lung.....hopefully a temporary measure...........hope you are having a better day today tam.........peace and comfort to you Nigel, and creative juices flowing again.......blessings all. Pete.

Dancing a jig. Great visit with TheSilentOne's parents in Strat u Avon today. Dad was a awake in chepper mood and Mum was more lucid than we have seen her in months.

Jigging more. Walked to and from the pub (lunch) without angina pain or pain in hips and ankles. What's more, I took stairs alternately. Usually my ankles and hips make ascend and descend one step at a time.

Spent the near 3 hour trips to and from Strat u Avon, singing. Kept voice and only had one coughing bout near end of the trip home.

Once back foud lovely surprise from couple of US mudcatters waiting. See Mudcat Magic thread.

I thought I would spring clean mothers bedroom, so, with her carer, we took down the curtains, washed the windows and paintwork, put up some new curtains that were a lovely shade of duck egg blue, all well with our world .

Then as I was standing on a chair , I thought the top of the wardrobe needed dusting, so took down great granddads tin box, inch of dust, two speakers, unplugged and not needed and very dusty, mum's hat box with Buckingham Palace hat(much prized) and very dusty, and found in far corner funny little black thing ( luddite that I am !!) Turns out that my brother, who I have had issues with over spending mothers money to pay for her care, has been bugging mother's bedroom and my home

I think he is worried that his inheritance might be going ? Spending mothers money on 24 hour care? But all I care about is looking after my mother, even so, it does not excuse bugging my home?

I am sure it is illegal as he has bugged the carers, and Billy and my daughter are livid!!

What do I do next? Solicitor? Police ? Oh dear ,if ever I need a voice of calm....... here I am! Need to know what to do in the morning?

Wendy- I would also be livid, but there will be time for anger later. Right now you need to be calm. Any chance your brother knows about your posts here? if so, watch what you post.

Yes, I would contact my solicitor in your place, but I wouldn't allow anyone at the house to discuss the issue where they will be overheard by bugs, nor would I make that call from home. Careful and calm is what's called for.

The ducks egg blue curtains sound lovely. You are taking the best loving care of your mother, so rest easy tonight.