So I'll be losing my mind on Christmas Eve

.....Because every year we all get together at my grandmothers house. This year my cousin will be flying in with her baby... He's about 2 now I believe. But Christmas Eve is when my baby was supposed to meet the family for the first time as well. She was supposed to be 3 months by that time.

I'm doing better with my grief, but that I can't handle.

On top of that I have to LIE about why I'm not going. My mom is going to say I have to work late. That way they dot harrass my mom about me not coming. Not because they care, but because they are nosey.

I hate the cards I've been dealt. Life sucks.

Sorry.... I needed to get that off my chest if I'm going to walk out the house today and pretend its all ok. Be the good girl everyone expects. Pretend life is peachy.

Comments (10)

I understand I was supposed to be 32 weeks at christmas and then 16 weeks and now I'm waiting to see if I'll be 8 weeks. I'm purposely secluding myself for thanksgiving and christmas. I just can't sit down to a meal knowing that my baby should have been with me. I know my family loves me but they don't understand and think I should be over it by now. Take the time you need and do whatever you gotta do to stay saine through the holidays. *Hugs*

It doesnt exactly get easier HC454, but it will eventually become a little more bearable I guess? I lost my son last December at 25 1/2 weeks along.

I have ok days and not-so-ok days. Yesterday I cried my ass off and gave serious thought to just ending my life via high speed car accident. Through a veil of tears I thought about how I could just floor it and speed through all of those red lights and just let whatever happen, happen. Needless to say, I didnt do it but the thought was there for a minute.

It can hurt so damn bad sometimes. I miss my son, I want my son. I ended up talking with my SO about it. I just feel so empty at times. I think its the holiday stuff. He was supposed to be here for all of it. His first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. I really did wanna show him so many things.

I feel much the same. I am dreading thanksgiving. Dh is doing his best, but he really doesn't understand. We will be with his family, and how mother said some pretty awful things to me. It will be the first time I have talked to her since. There will be a brand new baby there as well as a five month old. I don't want to see them. They all want me to be "better" like I am recovering from a cold or something. Even though some of them have suffered miscarriage, they do not act like they understand. I a, trying to not expect so much of myself, but t-day I have to do and I do not want to.
I am so glad that at least your mom understands and is willing to help you get out of going to Christmas eve with the family. Hugs.

I understand this too. I'm so sorry for your loss. Holidays are going to be so hard. I was due on 12/24/2012, so that day is certainly going to be impossible. I would love to stay in and avoid everyone, but I am not sure if that is going to be much better than going out. I also hate the pressure to be happy and talk to people like nothing happened. No one will ever understand this pain and no one can ever say or do the right thing. Every day I struggle with people's reactions or the things they say (or don't say). It is one of the most frustrating parts of this experience. Just know that WE all understand what you are going through. You have every right to be angry.

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Tara- married to Brian 8/9/08. Mom to DD (12-27-2013) and Twin Angels Lucy & Claire born and lost on 9/3/2012 at 23 weeks 6 days. We will miss and love you forever.

You can always pass me a note on Christmas Eve. My baby would have been 6 weeks 2 days. It was supposed to be baby's first Christmas. I really don't know if I will be able to put on a happy face like I did for Thanksgiving.