Protect Your Children

The fathers job is to protect his children from others. This includes priests, teachers, coaches, neighbors, family, friends, bullies, siblings and the military. This may even, sadly, include from their mother.

The fewer children you have the easier this will be and the more likely it is that you can actually do it. I wrote about this in an earlier email, you can access it here (See Issue # 5, Easy Way to be a better dad) -
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But really, the point is that taking care of children is very taxing. You have to be strong enough to do it. The more money you have the easier it is. The less children you have the easier it is. When you combine more money, with more time because of having fewer children, you will be able to provide a great life to your children.

I do know families with many children. But they are a special case. They are more religious and focus their lives around that. The fathers are business men who make a very large amount of money. The are at the point in their lives where they can afford very large homes so the children have plenty of space, they have newer, large vehicles that are safe for the children, they have plenty of money to feed, clothe, house and provide opportunities to their children. They have structured their lives so that they have a more flexible work schedule so they are available for their children. And their wives are loving, traditional mothers who agree with them and how to do things.

The fewer children you have the more likely it is that you will be strong and rich and better able to handle this task.

There is no guarantee that you will be able to do it or solve all their problems. But it is guaranteed that you will not be able to protect them if you are not strong yourself.

The first order of business in protecting your children is to get strong yourself.

You need to have your life together so that you have more to give. You cannot give much when you are down and out. If you are barely able to take care of yourself how can you help anyone else?

When I was married and under the thumb of my wife, the last thing I was able to do was help my children. I was just trying to avoid the wrath of my wife. I could not really help my children at all. I was so weak and beaten down that doing things for my kids was very far down my list.

I just went to work early in the morning before anyone was up. Most of the time I got home late at night after the kids were in bed. I would go many days without even seeing them.

I was not really even a part of their lives when I was living there.

I thought I was doing the right thing, working all the time and collecting as much overtime pay as I could. But in hindsight I was just working so much to try to mollify my wife with money and avoid being home as much as possible.

I sometimes wish I would have known all what I know now, before I got married. But that is why I am writing this, to remind me what to do and to try to help other men avoid getting into these terrible situations.

Your responsibility to protect your children does not end when they turn 18. This is a lifetime job. Hopefully they structure their lives to be healthy, happy and prosperous without needing much assistance from you.

But what if they do? What if they need you? What if the twists and turns of life happen to them in a negative way and they need your help badly?

What do you do then? Is your life together yourself? Are you strong? Are you healthy? Are you rich?

What do you do when you are 70 and your 35 year old daughter calls you from half way around the world and you can tell from the sound of her voice that something is wrong? She is in trouble but she cannot tell you, but you just know?

Are you able to do anything? Can you pull yourself away from the tv to get on a plane and go to her? Do you have enough money to do so? Are you healthy enough? Do you even know her well enough that you can tell she is in trouble?

This is what I mean when I say you have to protect your children by getting strong yourself.

What happens when your son gets involved in a business deal and he loses all his money. His wife leaves him and abandons her children. Are you able to take him in and your grandchildren in? Can you help him long enough for him to get on his feet?

What happens if your adult daughter develops a mental or emotional problem later in life? Your daughter is unable to cope with life. She is not able to get a job to support herself. Whatever money she has, she squanders. She has a car but does not get it repaired and ends up on foot. She moves in with a guy who roughs her up.

This is reality. This happens. What do you do?

Are you strong enough to take care of her? Do you have enough money to buy her a car? Do you have enough money to pay rent so she does not have to live in an abusive situation. Are you connected and networked enough that you can help her get a decent job she can handle?

Or do you let her twist in the wind? Or let the government deal with her? Or think stupidly that god will provide?

That is not going to happen to my kids. They are always going to have a place with me. They are always going to be able to depend on me.

I am working on gaining the strength and resources to not only make my life great, but to be there just in case.

The beauty of all this is that the more you work on yourself you are really making it unlikely that your children will ever need you in this way.

They see how you go through life and see how much better of a person you are becoming. You become an inspiration to them. They see how by living an organized life, getting strong, financially set and making their own happiness the most important thing in the world to them they will avoid the wrong people and the negative situations that are out there. They will leave abusive relationships. They will accumulate resources to see them through leaner times. They will in turn be an inspiration to others. They will be the type of strong people that other people rely on.

Hans Recommends

How to Leave Your Wife
The book is my story of how I found the courage to leave my wife and get on with my life. Now that I have left my life has never been better. My kids have never been happier and more at peace.