Author
Topic: Meet the baby (Read 13679 times)

I don't dispute that a Meet the Baby Party is not per se a gift grab. I do think that OP should note that if her family is not aware of the concept or used to it, they may perceive it as a gift giving occasion akin to a shower. The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety. The problem here is what others will perceive.

In my group of friends, we've had severl "Sit & See" parties. Come sit, see the new baby and how s/he's doing with the family. And the name of the event indicates the only intended actions. There's no expectation of gifts, though a few very close friends may bring a bottle of wine for the new parents to enjoy, or a small toy for the older sibling.

I think the wording on your invite is fine. If someone calls and asks about a registry, then you can politely tell them that all you're asking for is for friends to show up and enjoy themselves. If they insist on bringing something, tell them they're welcome to bring a veggie tray to share with the rest of the guests, or something similar.

In my group of friends, we've had severl "Sit & See" parties. Come sit, see the new baby and how s/he's doing with the family. And the name of the event indicates the only intended actions. There's no expectation of gifts, though a few very close friends may bring a bottle of wine for the new parents to enjoy, or a small toy for the older sibling.

I think the wording on your invite is fine. If someone calls and asks about a registry, then you can politely tell them that all you're asking for is for friends to show up and enjoy themselves. If they insist on bringing something, tell them they're welcome to bring a veggie tray to share with the rest of the guests, or something similar.

By the way, congrats on the new baby!

I've never heard of Sit & See ... is that a variation on Sip & See parties?

We all attend celebratory parties of different kinds with some degree of regularity: wedding receptions, birthday parties, graduation parties, parties for Bar Mitzvahs, First Communions, Baptisms, etc. Although it is customary to bring gifts, that does not mean gifts are a requirement. IMO, a meet-the-baby party falls into this category. OTOH, the raison d'Ítre of a shower is to shower the recipient with gifts.

There are greedy ways of hosting any event; this doesn't mean they are inherently a gift grab.

I don't dispute that a Meet the Baby Party is not per se a gift grab. I do think that OP should note that if her family is not aware of the concept or used to it, they may perceive it as a gift giving occasion akin to a shower. The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety. The problem here is what others will perceive.

I think this is the source of the disconnect for a lot of us. If any of the friends and family I'd invite to a 'meet the baby' party were inclined to think "Oh that turnip, she just wants gifts" then I would sincerely hope they decline and stay home, since obviously they don't hold me in the same esteem I hold them.

I am perhaps fortunate because there is no one of my personal acquaintance who I would make such an unpleasant assumption of.

I really really hope that EHell is a weird microcosm where people see "gift-grab" in everything and that it doesn't reflect the general world because it seems that, for some people, you can't have any sort of party with any sort of guest of honor without it being seen that way. That makes me sad. I personally feel that every child should be celebrated. Just because someone was born second (or third or fourth) doesn't mean that their entry into the world isn't worth celebrating. Why should the second child have to have their celebration disguised as a BBQ where they are an afterthought? I realize that not everyone shares this opinion, but I felt i had to put it out there. (And I'm a first child. heh.)Now, if a "meet the baby" party isn't known in your circle you don't have to use that actual term as that might just cause confusion. Saying "come on over for a get together to meet our wonderful new addition" would still get the point across. I think those people who would already be inclined to bring a present when they meet the baby for the first time will and those who wouldn't won't.

Logged

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

I don't dispute that a Meet the Baby Party is not per se a gift grab. I do think that OP should note that if her family is not aware of the concept or used to it, they may perceive it as a gift giving occasion akin to a shower. The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety. The problem here is what others will perceive.

I think this is the source of the disconnect for a lot of us. If any of the friends and family I'd invite to a 'meet the baby' party were inclined to think "Oh that turnip, she just wants gifts" then I would sincerely hope they decline and stay home, since obviously they don't hold me in the same esteem I hold them.I am perhaps fortunate because there is no one of my personal acquaintance who I would make such an unpleasant assumption of.

This posted while I was typing. Totally this!!

Logged

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety. The problem here is what others will perceive.

I disagree, intent is everything! We can't control how others perceive us or our celebrations. I would hope that if someone assumes I'm having a gift grab, that they would stay home. Though I'm sure that wouldn't happen as close friends and family don't often think the worst of one another.

Like I said, I'd take a gift simply for the joy of giving a gift to a close friend or family member. If I felt that it was a gift grab, I'd decline. Plus, that person probably wouldn't be a close friend to begin with as I'm learned my lesson with gimme pigs.

The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety. The problem here is what others will perceive.

I disagree, intent is everything! We can't control how others perceive us or our celebrations. I would hope that if someone assumes I'm having a gift grab, that they would stay home. Though I'm sure that wouldn't happen as close friends and family don't often think the worst of one another.

Like I said, I'd take a gift simply for the joy of giving a gift to a close friend or family member. If I felt that it was a gift grab, I'd decline. Plus, that person probably wouldn't be a close friend to begin with as I'm learned my lesson with gimme pigs.

I'm not saying that her intent isn't important. I mean that her intent isn't rude, but her family may misunderstand and think she is rude. From the first post, I got the feeling that OP was trying to avoid her family thinking that she was rude or asking for gifts. As she seems to want her family to show up, and not stay home out of a misguided belief that she is asking for a gift, the safest way to get that is to avoid using language that might imply to them that this is a gift giving occasion.

It's all fine and well to say, well if someone would think that, then I don't want them there - but this is her family and she does seem to want them to be around.

In my group of friends, we've had severl "Sit & See" parties. Come sit, see the new baby and how s/he's doing with the family. And the name of the event indicates the only intended actions. There's no expectation of gifts, though a few very close friends may bring a bottle of wine for the new parents to enjoy, or a small toy for the older sibling.

I think the wording on your invite is fine. If someone calls and asks about a registry, then you can politely tell them that all you're asking for is for friends to show up and enjoy themselves. If they insist on bringing something, tell them they're welcome to bring a veggie tray to share with the rest of the guests, or something similar.

By the way, congrats on the new baby!

I've never heard of Sit & See ... is that a variation on Sip & See parties?

Probably. I worked with a lot of people who were financially stable enough to have their own houses and children, but several were not old enough to drink yet, so they didn't want to bring alcohol into the mix to begin with.

I really really hope that EHell is a weird microcosm where people see "gift-grab" in everything and that it doesn't reflect the general world because it seems that, for some people, you can't have any sort of party with any sort of guest of honor without it being seen that way. That makes me sad. I personally feel that every child should be celebrated. Just because someone was born second (or third or fourth) doesn't mean that their entry into the world isn't worth celebrating. Why should the second child have to have their celebration disguised as a BBQ where they are an afterthought? I realize that not everyone shares this opinion, but I felt i had to put it out there. (And I'm a first child. heh.)Now, if a "meet the baby" party isn't known in your circle you don't have to use that actual term as that might just cause confusion. Saying "come on over for a get together to meet our wonderful new addition" would still get the point across. I think those people who would already be inclined to bring a present when they meet the baby for the first time will and those who wouldn't won't.

POD. The fact that people often assume the worst intentions here continues to baffle me.

We see the worst here...the stories of the 6 showers for the weddings or baby showers for every kid, even when there is not a lot of years or gender difference. We hear of 6 page registries, or wedding fund raisers, birthday parties thrown by the GOH where you get the privilege of paying for the honor of being invited. Unfortunately there are a lot of gimmie pigs out there and because we are so vigilant against being seen as one, we second guess ourselves.

The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety. The problem here is what others will perceive.

I disagree, intent is everything! We can't control how others perceive us or our celebrations. I would hope that if someone assumes I'm having a gift grab, that they would stay home. Though I'm sure that wouldn't happen as close friends and family don't often think the worst of one another.

Like I said, I'd take a gift simply for the joy of giving a gift to a close friend or family member. If I felt that it was a gift grab, I'd decline. Plus, that person probably wouldn't be a close friend to begin with as I'm learned my lesson with gimme pigs.

I'm not saying that her intent isn't important. I mean that her intent isn't rude, but her family may misunderstand and think she is rude. From the first post, I got the feeling that OP was trying to avoid her family thinking that she was rude or asking for gifts. As she seems to want her family to show up, and not stay home out of a misguided belief that she is asking for a gift, the safest way to get that is to avoid using language that might imply to them that this is a gift giving occasion.

It's all fine and well to say, well if someone would think that, then I don't want them there - but this is her family and she does seem to want them to be around.

Of course she wants them there. And a "meet the baby" party doesn't say "bring me gifts." If people assume so, they would assume wrong. At that point, you can't control how they think or what they assume.

Some suggestions have said "have a bbq instead" but that would cost more and involve of a responsibility, cooking, cleaning, etc. And people might still assume that they have to take a gift. Again, we can't control what people think.

And I'll say again, a "Meet the Baby" party does not scream gift. It means, come and meet our baby. I don't see how the OP can be any clearer.

I really really hope that EHell is a weird microcosm where people see "gift-grab" in everything and that it doesn't reflect the general world because it seems that, for some people, you can't have any sort of party with any sort of guest of honor without it being seen that way. That makes me sad. I personally feel that every child should be celebrated. Just because someone was born second (or third or fourth) doesn't mean that their entry into the world isn't worth celebrating. Why should the second child have to have their celebration disguised as a BBQ where they are an afterthought? I realize that not everyone shares this opinion, but I felt i had to put it out there. (And I'm a first child. heh.)Now, if a "meet the baby" party isn't known in your circle you don't have to use that actual term as that might just cause confusion. Saying "come on over for a get together to meet our wonderful new addition" would still get the point across. I think those people who would already be inclined to bring a present when they meet the baby for the first time will and those who wouldn't won't.

POD. The fact that people often assume the worst intentions here continues to baffle me.

And I'll say again, a "Meet the Baby" party does not scream gift. It means, come and meet our baby. I don't see how the OP can be any clearer.

Those that want to gift, will...party or no party.

Definitely.

When I go to see a new baby for the first time I always take a present, whether that be at the hospital, at home, the christening, wherever. I've never had anyone expect that I (or other visitors) would bring a gift, but in my experience everyone does anyway.