Imagine, if you will, my surprise and delight when I received an email from "the premiere Sugar Daddy website" Seeking Arrangement about the ins and outs (LOLZ) of Valentine's Day spending. The notorious site, which provides the philanthropic service of connecting enterprising youngsters with oft-married older dudes and their AmEx black cards, polled about 9,000 men and the same amount of women about their Valentine's Day yens as well as their budget.

Here's one chestnut:

Valentine's Day was a holiday created for women, everything from chocolate hearts to pink and red cards leaves women with a heightened sensitivity to romance. It's no secret that men look to capitalize on their vulnerability in hopes of entering a new relationship, or get rewarded with lovemaking.

Or you could just get laid ANY old day of the year if you stopped calling it "lovemaking"? But moving on. They found that 77% of the guys who participate in Valentine's Day are only doing it in the hopes of taking you down to Poundtown. But the E-Z Pass to the off-ramp that leads to Poundtown has a price, which is conditional on your commitment level:

Single: $257: Dinner or Activity

Married: $203: Presents

Committed Relationship: $180: Presents

In summation:

Results revealed that in order to be rewarded with lovemaking on Valentine's Day, men had to shell out $218 on the whole date.

Bear in mind that this is "the average man" who is somehow in communication with Seeking Arrangement, which is NOTHING like the average man. But if you find one of them, you can see Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters 15.57 times. Worth it!