Friday, January 11, 2013

Of course, as I'm cleaning out the desk in my cube I come across a box of Maxi Pads.

KRISTIN!!!

Obviously, my old cubemate and coworker, Kristin, must have left her vagina things here in the desk when she got fired because I certainly don't ever remember having a period.

Or vagina.

I guess there's kind of a chicken-and-egg thing there.

So of course, being the gentleman that I am, I asked another female coworker, Engy, if she needed them. She did not. I mean, she WILL, at some time I'm sure but not at that moment. Related: I am terrible at male/female relations.

What she DID give me, though, was a stuffed bunny she found while SHE was packing up.

The box of Maxi Pads was then bundled with the stuffed bunny and hidden in one of our coworker's packing boxes.

We called it "Operation PMS Ruxpin":

The coworker was "Tom" and he's a very gentle older man who was totally the best target for this. To show you how gentle and old he is, this is my avatar for him on our Google Email system at work:

Shortly after planting PMS Ruxpin, I was in the lab when Tom walked up to me and said, "Hey. Did you put that damn bunny in my packing box?"

DAMMIT.
Me: "I HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT YOU SPEAK!"

*runs

Undaunted, I gathered up the Maxi Pad box that Tom threw away (WTF, TOM) and the bunny and headed off to find another victim.

It was at this time that Engy revealed that she had also found a Tickle-me-Elmo doll and a stuffed bear.

This all makes sense because nothing says 'dedicated and hard worker' like having half the cast of Fragglerock in your desk.

Armed with a new arsenal of animals and period soaking cloths, I searched for another victim.

I ended up filling up the packing bin of my friend and former high-school classmate, Iain. Here's what Iain's bin looked like when I was done:

Awesome.

And now we wait. Hopefully not longer than a month. Those pads good be put to good use, after all.

Geez. How long ago did this Kristin character leave the company? Because those Maxi Pads look oooooold, like about one generation away from belted sanitary napkins. Anyway, I'm kind of jealous. I want to work in a place where there is less playing of the Fantasy Football and more gifting of the antique maxi-pads and teddy bears.