It’s Really More Of An Investment

I have a Lancer, yes. I pretended to saw Gabriel in half with it, which seemed like an act harmonious with the intent of the device - a behavior enshrined in the operating manual. Even though it’s a toy, apparently it hurts really bad. The chainsaw doesn’t actually run, true, but it is still a series of sharp hooks that you shouldn’t rub vigorously against a person’s collarbone.

It was expensive, and ridiculous, but still below two hundred dollars, which is my threshold for nerd artifacts. A generalized Gears lust made me follow a link to the Triforce Locus Head Bust Thing, which might as well be infinity dollars. I don’t really collect heads, though - maybe that’s what one expects to pay for a head these days. I wondered, briefly, what would happen if I tried to insert something like that into my home. Here are excerpts from the simulation.

One of the problems with Child’s Play is that its success is so astounding year after year that you might not have a sense of the scale. I attended a charity event a few years ago with Brenna, and when they announced that they had beaten last year’s record by raising ten thousand dollars, it took me a little while to start clapping. I felt bad, but at the same time, I’m just spoiled - and I blame you. Child’s Play hit $560,000 on Friday and didn’t stop. I’ll put up my own purchases at the end of the week, a drop in the bucket to be sure, but that’s how we do it. Each gift fits into the other.

Voltron is really the model.

Desert Bus For Hope is continuing to roll through the virtual badlands, and the $25,520 dollars raised (as of this writing) must certainly be some comfort to those in command of that cursed chariot. But this post isn’t about comfort, this post is about anguish. This post is about Operation: Infinite Bus.

It is our objective to make these people drive until driving that Goddamned bus is the only life they can remember. We will match all donations to Desert Bus For Hope, starting now, until we reach a cap of ten thousand dollars. Please use this link, if you would - I don’t want to leave their server a smoking crater. We can take this thing up around 45,000, if we want to - more than doubling last year’s incredible sum. Think of it like a buff for your donations, an augmentation for your generosity. Also, think of it as creating a prison, a prison made of money, from which these young men may never escape.