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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I just finished typing a most perfect post and for some goddamned reason I got an error message when it was supposed to publish. FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!

OK, as most of you noticed I did not recap Top Model last week. The episode for Oct. 15th was a recap, show boring bits that we didn't air and filler crapfest. What's the point in recapping a recap. That's an oxymoron on par with military intelligence.

This week heralded the return of the Aswirl Twins, 2 African American dandies that teach...... ummm..... swirling I guess. It's all very confusing and over the top. And there was the crazy ass challenge. The chicks were in a blue screen fashion show, so only the garments and accessories appeared on stage, bizarro. Elina won, and as there so few hamsters left and Elina isn't a total illiterate dumbass, I can say half-heartedly "good for you, Elina" and sorta mean it.

There was no photo shoot for the week. Instead I had to suffer through the hawking of the nasty ass Covergirl products. And the girls show off how they can't act in a commercial. I fastforwarded through most of the inanity.

The big wiener of the week was Annaleigh. Meh, she's pretty average in every way. And Jocelyn was given da boot for sucking for many weeks now.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Today's meme is the called the ABC of Me, brought to you by www.bzoink.com Judge away people.

Are you available?Nope : ) I have a fella.What is your age?33 as of last Tues.What annoys you? Stupidity and bad spelling.

Do you live in a big house?Big is a relative term.When is your birthday?Oct. 21st 1975Who is your best friend?Cris W.

What's your favorite candy? OH MY GOD. Don't make me choose! Almond Joy. for nowWho's your crush?SexyBeast, my boyfriend.When was the last time you cried? In my car listening to a perfect song that reminded me of SexyBeast.

Do you daydream? All the time, in Smell-o-vision even.What's your favorite kind of dog? A cartoon one.What day of the week is it? Tuesday.

How do you like your eggs? Scrambled and bone dry.Have you ever been in the emergency room? Yes, I'm dead clumsy.What's the easiest thing ever to do? Breathe. It's automatic.

Have you ever flown in a plane? Yes. It's the only way to travel.Do you use fly swatters? No. I prefer the rolled up magazine approach.Have you ever used a foghorn?No but it sounds like I could annoy a lot of people that way : )

Do you chew gum? Yes.Are you a giver or a taker? I'm in the middle.Do you like gummy candies? Eh. Depends. I like Swedish Fish. Does that count? 'Cause if it doesn't, then the answer is no.

How are you? Good. How are you?What color is your hair? Red w/ blonde tips. See profile picture.

What's your favorite ice cream? Right now it would have to be Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup.Have you ever ice skated? No I mostly fell.Do you play an instrument?When I was in middle school I played the flute.

Who do you want to kill? Nobody. That's sick.Do you want kids?NOOOOO! the family tree ends here.Where did you go for kindergarten? St. Paul's in Schenectady, NY

Are you laid back? No. I'm wound up tight.Do you lie? Only when forced.

Whats your favorite movie? 3 way tie of Breakfast at Tiffany's, Pulp Fiction and Willy Wonka.Do you still watch Disney movies? Yes. I have nieces and nephews under the age of 16.Do you like mangos? I adore mangos.

Do you have a nickname? Plenty. My fave is Zuzan.What is your real name? Sue.Whats your favorite number?3, it's the magic numberDo you prefer night over day?Oh yes. Good things happen in the dark.

What's your one wish? To become a published writer.Are you an only child? No I have 2 older brothers.

What one fear are you most paranoid about? My irrational fear of wasps and other stinging insects. I get a bit hysterical.What are your pet peeves? Stupidity, ignorance for the sake of being ignorant, imprecise speech.What's a personality trait you look for in people? Sincerity.

What time is it? 6:09 pmWhat time did you wake up? 6:55 amWhen was the last time you slept in a tent? The end of July for Sousefest. WOOHOO! it was fun.

Are you wearing underwear? No, I forgot to put any on today.Underwear or boxers? Well since I'm a chick, I'm gonna assume you want my preference on what a man wears. SexyBeast looks good in the boxer/brief combo

What's the worst veggie? Eggplant. It's an abomination.Where do you want to go on vacation? Milan. Ciao bella.

What's your worst habit? Picking and chewing at my cuticles. I'm so ashamed.Where do you live? Schenectady, NY. I can freely admit that.What's your worst fear? Having not lived the life I truly wanted.

Have you ever had an x-ray? Yes. My first was when I was 8. They scanned my hands to see if I was going to grow to a normal stature.Have you seen the x-games? No, too cool for me.Do you own a xylophone? Huh?

Do you like the color yellow? Yes, very much.What's one thing you yearn for? A 3 book publishing deal.

Whats your zodiac sign? Libra.Do you believe in the zodiac? Does the zodiac believe in me?Favorite zoo animal? Birds of prey. I heart falcons.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Capital District is an odd mish mash of self breeding chain restaurants, stellar 50 tantalizing kinds of awesome affordable places and eateries I can never dream of going into as they probably tax you for breathing in the air.

A few weeks ago Sexy Beast, some friends and myself went to Peaches Cafe in Styvesant Plaza. I have never been in as I remember waaaaaay back when my mother and I were shopping and hungry. We paused for a minute outside of the then named Peaches and Cream and she said, "Oh I don't know. We could probably split a sandwich." I think I said something like not on yr life old woman, I don't share food, esp. when dining out. After that Peaches (& Cream) became synonymous w/ overpriced brunch place.

Well majority won me over this particular Saturday. I have to tell you, the menu was very sinful. Most of my peeps went w/ stuffed French toast. Lone wolf that I am (and I also have to have my cholesterol and blood sugar checked!) went w/ fresh fruit and quiche Lorraine. Quiche Lorraine is the queen of all quiches........ sorry I was day dreaming : ) However, the Peaches staff didn't exactly give me a heaping helping, I mean you would think for 9.50 I would get at least a quarter of a quiche w/ some edible garnish.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

What vegetable would you serve with a plate of fried grasshoppers? Hmm.. well you don't want to much green, so I'd say purple broccoli.

If you realize your house is on fire while you are using the bathroom, do you wipe or just run for the door? Wipe and run, mofo's!

Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer? Do you really want people seeing you while you have your face in a pint of Ben & Jerry's?

When thinking about yourself, what color do you see yourself as? A whiter shade of paler, though my freckles are luminescent.

Why are people able to have unprotected sex with someone, but afraid to tell them if they have an STD? As person of some knowledge of this subject, having worked at Planned Parenthood and a current employee of an agency working with people who have HIV, I truly believe that people want want to have hot nasty sex (woohoo!) but don't want the intimacy getting to know that special someone.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

2 weeks ago Sexy Beast, some friends and myself went to the vast wasteland that is Northern Lights, a bar/music venue. It's stinky, dark, the AC leaks and the drinks are overpriced. Sexy Beast wanted a Red Bull and vodka, it was 10 bucks! And they didn't even use Red Bull but Monster.

Anyway, I digress, the occasion for going to that dive was to see Buckethead. He is a guitar virtuoso. He did things to that instrument that I didn't think were possible. Buckethead never speaks, always remains in character. He wasn't wearing his KFC bucket but a white sand pail and a navy blue boiler suit. Plus Sexy Beast held me up to the see the stage, a first for me.

The only crap thing about the evening was Buckethead's opening act, this lame-o was called That One Guy. He played an instrument that he invented, something called a Magic Stick. It was more like Magic Dildo. He basically slapped gigantic phallus around, sounded like some throwing beer bottles on a drum head. That jackass played his awful music for 1 hour. 1 hour! Since when does the opening act ever do that.

To cap off the night we headed to TGI Friday's as it was the only place open. Normally I HATE chain restaurants but the cheeseburger was pretty damn tasty.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tyra lead the girls in a lesson/surprise challenge. The chicks had to create a signature pose. My tres belle Marjorie won with her Hunchback of Notre Dame stance. She won a most excellent prize of diamond jewelry. Magnifique!

Then the very funny photo shoot. The hamster were recreating cliched moments at award shows. The top photo went to Marjorie. Hurray, she's my fave! She had a turban on like some 1970's hot mama and trying to take a leak but she can't get out of her dress. The big loser was Lauren Brie. Bland, blonde and boring. As I predicted, she has been cast aside.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

This week's lesson was about getting catalogue clothes to look good. My buddy Mackey was the winner. She's so adorable and weird.

Then everyone decided to pick on Marjorie 'cause "she's so negative". No dumbasses, she's French and a realist.

Anyway, it was a pretty awesome photo shoot. The chicks were portraying natural disasters while dressed in mod 1960's style. I love love love that fashion period. Almost decided to use that as my Halloween costume. But I'm poor, so I'm fashioning an outfit from stuff I already have, I'm going as a lusty wench to my sexy beast's pirate.

Sam the Ham got best photo of the week for her rendition of a tidal wave. She's model material as long as she doesn't open her idiotic mouth. Finally Clark the bitchface was shit canned. PAR-TAY!

Monday, October 6, 2008

1) Why do we give people hugs? Because I'm Italian, they would take away my ethnic heritage if I didn't.

2) When have you most shocked yourself? Ummm... I stuck my hand in a fish tank once and I kept getting zapped. : ) The first time I asked a guy on a date. I was 17 and had gone from ugly duckling to a reasonably attractive teenager. He said yes.

3) Where would you consider constructing a small altar in your house or yard? Only if I could sacrifice goats. That's sarcasm, peeps! So the answer is no.

4) If you could change one thing about your typical day, what would you change? I'm independently wealthy and only going to work 'cause it's fun.

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. Again I apologize for my lameness and ineptitude when it comes to computers, so no picture is featured. It's a an electrical socket: My first thought is: What would happen if I licked it?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Episode 4 is usually dedicated to teaching the hamsters how to perfect their runway walks. It's always hilarious and this episode did not disappoint!

The challenge was to walk in an actual fashion show by this really scary dude w/ a chemo therapy haircut. (Seriously who's gonna go their hair stylist and say "Just shave off wherever. Don't worry about making it look even. I wanna look like I escaped from a mental institution.") First ever elimination before judging! Hannah was kicked to the curb for her atrocious wind up doll on speed Gestapo agent walk. The winner was Joselyn, who sorta kinda reminds me of Season 6 winner Danielle.

Onto the photo shoot which was inspired by Tyra Banks's wanna be avantguarde imagination. The chicks had to pose in a jacuzzi with just their eyes and nose exposed. Whatever.

During judging Tyra announced someone else would be getting their walking papers. Wowie wow double elimination! The best of the bunch was douche bag Clark. Ugh I hate her, she's merely conventionally attractive and such an asshole. And our tranny-licious season is over as Isis tossed out of the competition.