no kill i

mood: NERD RAGE

Well, Star Trek: Into Darkness was a hot mess.

Only a very few spoilers, but: Physics does not work that way, story does not work that way, and fan service really doesn't work that way. Tribbles could have so easily been used effectively, as an actual plot element, and real fan service, instead of as an essentially pointless deus ex machina. (Why was Klingon Detroit not full of tribbles?)

So many missed opportunities, unearned moments that could have been emotional or telling, and Too Stupid To Live. And I'm sorry, but the entire subversive point of The Uberman Exists And He's A Brown Dude is kind of lost when you cast Benedict Cumberbatch, lovely though his voice is.

He can act. I wish they hadn't directed him into Shatnerhood.

I wish they'd just actually used the whole plot of Diane Carey's Dreadnought!, rather than selected aspects of it grafted onto such stupidness that don't make sense.

Oh, and space is bigger than Michigan, and Qo'noS is only 90 seconds away from Earth at Warp 10. Also, if you're having an enormous battle inside the orbit of the Moon, you can count on Starfleet to not even fucking notice, and nevermind what God needs with a starship, who the hell designs one without decompression doors?

On the other hand, the regular cast is fucking amazing. I could watch Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, John Cho, Simon Pegg, Anton Yeltsin, and Zachary Quinto play their elder counterparts all day. (John Cho. Karl Urban. ***Sigh.***) Chris Pine is a fine actor, and I adored him in Unstoppable, but the characterization of Kirk is so uneven that he's got nothing to work with.

I just want a movie that doesn't make me want to punch the scenarist in a soft and vascular place. Is that too much to ask?