Everyday life as a Domina

Superiority

So I was having a conversation with a gentleman who subscribes to the ideology of female supremacy. It’s a view I don’t share.

But we were discussing it, what he likes about it, and what I dislike about it. And things were going well.

Until he said, “It just means so much more to serve my wife, because she’s superior to me in every way. I don’t think it would mean as much if she wasn’t. Like if you’re not physically bigger and stronger, and smarter than your subs, how can you really exert control over them?”

Um… what?

I mean, don’t get me wrong. The guy is happily married to a woman he loves. It works for the two of them, it’s what they want, and I’m sure as hell in no place to tell someone that their lifestyle choices aren’t valid.

But, um… what?

Okay, I mean, I have a very healthy love of myself. I know what I’m good at, what my strengths are, and in what areas few people on the planet stand on equal footing with me.

I also know that there are things I’m not good at, things I struggle with, and weaknesses I have. As much as I love myself (and I love myself a lot), the kind of arrogance and conceitedness required to not acknowledge that there are areas where my subs are better than I am is completely unthinkable for a normal, sane human being.

A perfect example of that was just the other day, talking to Sounder. We got on the subject of how often tact, finesse, and diplomacy are required in his job. And he joked that I, given my habit of being very blunt, probably wouldn’t excel in that position.

And he’s completely, 100% right. I’d lose all patience about 4 minutes in and just start telling people off. The level of diplomacy his job requires isn’t something that comes easily to me. I just don’t care enough to be diplomatic. If there’s a problem, I care more about solving it quickly and efficiently than sparing someone’s feelings.

He, on the other hand, has figured out that balance between quick-and-efficient and sparing-someone’s-feelings.

Hell yeah, I can acknowledge that there are things he’s better than me at. Which is why, when I found myself in a situation where I had to play mediator between my mother and uncle, Sounder was the one I asked for help, because I knew he could see potential issues I couldn’t, and I wasn’t about to take any risks with tempers running that hot.

I joke that he’ll be my diplomat when I’m appointed Queen of the Universe. And I can just see how that would go. Like, I’d find out that some leader did something stupid, and I’d immediately want to chew the guy a new asshole or two, and I’d be like, “I want to talk to him, now.”

And Sounder would have to hold up a hand and say, “Okay, wait, I need to find out what actually happened first.”

“Cool, but I still want to talk to him, now.”

“It would be a really good idea to not yell at him right this minute.”

“I know. I’m going to yell at him in like, 3 minutes.”

“Holding off on yelling at him for now will benefit you more in the long run.”

“Ugh, fine. But I want to know the second I can yell at him.”

He’s got a patience with people that I just don’t.

There are things Kazander is better than me at. He’s a fucking genius when it comes to numbers and money management. He can take control of the finances of someone who files for bankruptcy and completely turn it around in such a short amount of time. I’m serious, I’ve literally never met anyone as good with numbers as he is. It’s wild. So obviously, he’s the one who handles our money and our budget.

He’s tried to talk to me about the stock market, and investing, and what I should do with the life insurance money if he died.

Yeah, if I sat down and really researched the shit out of it, I could probably get on at least a comparable level to him, but I’ll never have the comfort with it that he does, or the speed he does, or just the natural ability he does. I’d have to constantly have to work at it, while it comes easily to him.

The awesome thing is that it looks like the spawn inherited that ability from him. I mean, it’s still too early to tell, but math is definitely her strongest subject.

I can even admit when one of my subs knows more than I do in the fields I pride myself in.

Not many people know more about the English language than I do. But Steel does. And on the very rare occasion where I’ve had a question or needed help with something, he’s the one I’ve gone to.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with those who serve me being better at something than me or knowing more about something than me. I’d get bored if they didn’t.

And as far as physical size and strength, I mean, I’m 5’9″, and I’m no delicate flower. And yeah, there’s something kind of hot about playing with a guy shorter than me, or smaller than me, or not as physically strong as I am. I’ve always enjoyed it.

Most men aren’t shorter than me or smaller than me, though. Kazander’s taller than I am. Sounder’s about my height, maybe a little bit taller, and he’s strong enough to break metal fucking chain, m’kay. Literally without even trying. He’s a hell of a lot stronger than not just me, but pretty much everyone. If he wanted a Domme who could physically overpower him, basically his only option would be a professional bodybuilder.

And I don’t know, I just have this idea of what it means to lead people in general. Like, if the only people you could get to follow you were weaker/smaller/less intelligent/more inexperienced than you, can you really call yourself an effective leader?

Or does it mean more when even the strongest, the smartest, the best and brightest, the most elite, choose to follow you? Not because they are inferior or because they have no choice, but because they want to follow you? Because something about you inspires and motivates them, and earns their respect?

I kind of feel like D/s relationships are the same way. I mean, of course, again, people want what they want, and as long as they’re happy, who am I to judge? But a blanket statement about D/s not meaning as much unless the sub is inferior to the Dominant in every way? That just seems to be literally the opposite of what it should be.

I think D/s means more if the sub is equal to the Dominant, or superior in some aspects.

Because at that point, he’s not choosing to submit to her because he feels like he has to. He’s not submitting because he sees himself as weak. He knows he’s strong, he knows he’s intelligent, he knows he’s capable and competent and can handle anything life throws at him.

He’s choosing to submit to her because there’s something about her that draws him in. Something about her, specifically, that has earned his respect. His trust. Not just because she is a woman. Because she, as an individual, is worthy of his submission. Because she, as a person, has inspired him to want to follow her.

I don’t ever want someone to submit to me because I’m a woman. I don’t ever want someone to submit to me because they see themselves as inferior to me, and could never stand on equal footing with me. I want someone to submit to me because I, as an individual person, have earned it.

Because the submission of a strong man is a very precious gift. He doesn’t need to give it to anyone. He can handle life on his own.

And he’s not going to give that gift to just anybody. He’s not going to let just anyone control him. He’s not going to follow anyone just because.

It has to be earned. And it means so much more to me, because they’ve made the conscious decision to give me that gift. Not because I’m a woman. Not because I’m superior or inferior.

I concur, Domina Jen. While all Women are deserving of respect, not all Women choose to be dominant in their relationships for a variety of reasons, including not thinking they should be. But for me, just as Ms. Quinn said above, when I meet a Woman who I choose to submit to, there is nothing more fulfilling then kneeling and TRULY surrendering to all that She is. That too is a rare thing to find.

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This is an 18+ blog about my day-to-day life as a Domina, wife, mother, and all that other crap. A chronicle of me. While this blog focuses primarily on the D/s aspect of my life and my relationships with Kazander, Steel, and Sounder, it is not exclusive to that subject, and I might talk about my kid, or my annoying mother, or my sister's pet cat, or whatever the hell I feel like talking about.

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It begins over a friendly disagreement, during which you smile, roll your eyes, and say, “Go fuck yourself.”

“But, Ma’am, that’s physically impossible.”

You smirk and ask how certain I am of this. On a roll, I launch into a smug and tangential rant about the anatomical impossibility of an individual’s being capable of fucking oneself. Your response is to merely shrug, smile, and make a cryptic statement:

“Don’t be so sure…”

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