"We're not critics. We're professional fan-girls." --- This blog is dedicated to movies and the entertainment industry. We use random selection to bring into light the best and worst of Netflix and off various columns highlighting new movies as well.

The megalodon from Mega
Shark Versus Crocosaurus is back. When a large chip of iceberg is
transported to Australia in order to try and deal with a drought, the seamen in
charge of the action find that the megalodon has been frozen inside. As soon as
it gets out, it draws a line of havoc and destruction back to its breeding
grounds.

I have to admit, I only paid moderate attention to the
movie. I saw Elisabeth Rohm and swore it was Kate Hudson. I just couldn’t
figure out what the hell Kate Hudson would be doing in a movie like this. My
mind fixated on it. In the end, I had to watch the movie a second time to get
anything out of it.

There’s not much to say. It’s a typical, Asylum produced,
creature feature. There was no meat to the story. The graphics were slightly
better than normal, not good, but slightly better.

Lastly, the acting was terrible, except for Elisabeth Rohm (American Hustle, Law & Order, Heroes).
Rohm was really good with terrible lines. Once I realized who she was, though,
it was kind of easy for me to expect that of her.

Nothing about this creature feature stood out on the
negative or positive side. It was a movie. It happened. I will likely never
think about it again.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – None

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.3/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 2.5/5

The Random Rating:
PG-13 for moderate action violence. There was some discrepancy in my research
for the movie, though. Most sources state that it was unrated, but a couple of
sources indicate that Mega Shark vs.
Mecha Shark might have, at one point, been rated NC-17. If it was, any
possible reason is not reflected in the movie at all and just goes to show how
corrupt the rating system can be.

Found footage is displayed telling the story of a couple. Kisha
has just moved in with her boyfriend, Malcolm. Not too long after their first
night, strange things begin happening. Kisha becomes convinced that they’re
being haunted by some kind of evil entity.

This movie is a parody. 100% complete parody. Don’t go into
it expecting something that could give Paranormal
Activity a run for its money. Don’t go into it expecting high-brow jokes
with a sarcastic or sardonic flare. Much like Scary Movie, this film bases its jokes around sex, farts and weed.
That’s what this kind of movie is supposed to base its humor on.

I’ve said it before and I will most likely say it many times
in the future. Critics need to keep their hands off parody movies.

This movie isn’t meant to be smart or upper-crust. This is
the kind of thing you watch when you want to turn off your brain and laugh at
something.

What do critics expect?

Actually, I’d like to address some of the comments “real”
critics had to say.

Sherilyn Connelly of the Village
Voice wrote, “does this even qualify as a movie?” Yes. Yes it does, you
pretentious moron. Even bad movies count as movies, and this one wasn’t bad. Is
it going to win boatloads of awards? No, but it’s not a bad parody.

“There are vague hints that the story is ‘really’ about the
difficulties and anxiety of commitment,” wrote Mark Olsen of the Los Angeles Times, “but then one of many
variations on a fart joke distracts from any actual idea.” Seriously, dude? In the
oft-misquoted words of Sigmund Freud, sometimes a pipe is just a pipe.

In many parodies you’re lucky to get any storyline
what-so-ever, but that’s the genre. You can’t judge a romance by horror
standards and you can’t judge a parody by a more generalized comedy genre. Face
facts. Scary Movie started a brand
new genre. Just because Miramax or Disney hasn’t acknowledged the genre, doesn’t
mean it doesn’t exist.

According to Will Salmon of SFX Magazine, it’s “just another in a long line of mercilessly
unfunny spoofs.” Don’t like spoofs, buddy? Then keep your reviews away from
them. How can you review something honestly if you groaned when you learned you
had to watch it?

Sorry to digress, followers, but something had to be said.

Back on point, this wasn’t the best parody I’ve ever seen,
but it had some relatively interesting moments. The greatest success, I think,
is that it was interesting enough to make me forget that I was watching “found
footage.” I’m not a fan of shaky cam, but once in a while a movie comes along
that is entertaining enough to overshadow the dizzying aspects of the
shakiness.

A few of the scenes were a little overboard or icky for me,
but I laughed a lot. In the end, that’s what a parody is for. It aims to make
you laugh at any cost.

Of course, I could have lived the rest of my life without
ever knowing what a “mandingo party” is. Unfortunately, you cannot unlearn
stuff.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 10%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 53%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.9/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 3.5/5

P.S. There are some more scenes during the credits. Some are
kind of funny.