I am a very careful person. Some say I am paranoid because I KNOW the Satanists are watching me.

I am looking for someone who is a non-Satanist, kind and good hearted. They must agree to a complete background check and for me to have a private investigator. I'm sorry, but the Satanists have a hard-on for me, and I wouldn;t put it past them to send a female Satanist to kill me.
Also, no U.F.O abductees (read, "abducted by Satanists and brainwashed"). I also request you not be a Mason, and definitely, if you give the devil salute , no no no. No Wiccans either..Lots of Wiccans have been infiltrated by Satanists. I'm not saying you're bad folks, but for all I know a Satanist has taken over your coven.
After our first date, my private investigator will tail you for a week or so. Do not be troubled. This is to see if you go to any place to meet up with Satanists and report on me. My private investigator checks people out, like the U.P.S guy and one time, the mail man. He DID turn out to be a Satanist! So you see, I'm not really that paranoid.
Before our first date, you must give me your coordinates so I can Google you on Google Earth and surveil you via satellite. This will let me see who comes and leaves your house..Satanists come and go a lot, since there always having the Coven stop over for cards or to kill a goat for the Devil.
On the day before, I will pull up in an unmarked white van with survielance equipment. Again,. do not be concerned. I will be using surviellance equipmenbt to record your conversations so I know if your talking to other Satanists or if you're secretly plotting to abduct and kill me.

I got to stay one step ahead of the Satanists.

JohnFK

11-14-2009, 08:25 PM

Increadibly funny!!!! Not.

RussyB

11-30-2009, 12:48 AM

You will be getting love so dont be paranoid...life is about Hope.

albie

11-30-2009, 07:34 AM

>>I am looking for someone who is a non-Satanist

Oops, that rules out RussyB. Sorry Russy. GET HIM!

RussyB

12-01-2009, 03:36 AM

Humans are Non-satanist, it is all about the mind play of a person, you just need to get intimate with the right person.

albie

12-01-2009, 07:34 AM

RussyB just wants to sell you his book:)

master_wisdom

01-15-2011, 07:14 PM

wow i coudnt stop laughing. i think this was intentional humor or other wise you, i think you might need help.

symphonious

02-04-2012, 08:27 PM

Yeah he's got to be joking, nobody is that stupid. Then again, did you read that long e-mail some dude sent this chick after she wouldn't respond to his calls/texts?? OMG it's unbelievable, this genius tries to convince the girl she OWES him a second date because she lead him on by "playing with her hair" and telling him "it was nice to meet him" He says things like "studies show that a girl playing with her hair is a tell tale sign of attraction, look it up" Oh it's so funny, I wish I could remember where I found it. But surely the guy who made this thread is just being funny... SURELY....