Ford touts “most advanced Mustang ever”

A 2015 Ford Mustang, yesterday

Ford this week released photos of, and technical details for, the all-new 2015 Mustang, which it calls “the most advanced Mustang ever.”

“The all-new 2015 Ford Mustang is brimming with advanced technologies that will improve the driving experience,” said Ford spokesadvancer Deborah Hotbaddabing. “Chief among them is a new ‘Independent Rear Suspension,’ which attaches each of the rear wheels to the car with no interconnection and provides levels of comfort and control heretofore unknown in a Mustang.”

Hotbaddabing said the Mustang will also feature advanced stopping technology known as “four wheel disc brakes,” which shorten stopping distances in the rain and reduce fade after repeated hard stops, while the powertrains all feature a device known as an “Engine Control Computer,” which measures dozens of parameters each second and uses that data to fine-tune the timing of the fuel and spark.

Additionally, the all-new Mustang will offer advanced safety technology including inflatable restraints known as “airbags,” mechanical restraints referred to as “three-point safety belts,” and a new windshield made of a high-tech impact-resistant material called “laminated safety glass.”

“Mustang’s advanced technology also improves comfort and convenience,” Hotbaddabing told Autoblopnik. “For example, the new Mustang uses electricity generated by the engine to reduce steering effort, as well as a vacuum system that allows the brakes to be applied with less pedal effort. And for those who don’t wish to grapple with the gearshift, Mustang will offer an advanced self-shifting clutchless gearbox known as an ‘automatic transmission’.”

Autoblopnik asked Hotbaddabing to speculate what company founder Henry Ford might react to the new Mustang were he still alive.

“I’m sure Mr. Ford would have had reservations about getting away from the proven suspension technology used on the Model T,” she said. “But he’d be very pleased to know the company still hasn’t been taken over by Jew bankers.”