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Hello lovers and dreamers! I do hope that you are enjoying the fantastically sunny day here in my favorite city, and it is just so sweet of you to come by and visit! Today’s post is a bit tongue in cheek, a bit ribald, a bit, well, just funny! Know that there is no malice behind this post nor is there any bad blood. Let’s laugh together!

However…

Cancellations just suck, don’t they? As a provider, I spend a good hour or so getting ready for every appointment, not to mention the hours it can take “off the clock” to schedule with someone new. So to have my hopes of sexy fun dashed last minute (usually due to unforseen circumstances, truly) just puts a stutter in my day. It’s natural to feel bummed out, maybe a little frustrated, even miffed. BUT! As it happens, I’ve come up with some pretty fool-proof things to do to boost up that mood a bit, and maybe feel like you haven’t simply wasted an hour (or more) of your precious time!

Practice a new make up technique: I’m so boring with my makeup. Concealer, powder, eye shadow, liner, lipstick. It’s all the same, I can do it in my sleep (well, no I can’t but you see the hyperbole for what it is). No matter the fun pictures or “so easy!” how to’s I find on YouTube I never seem to pull the trigger and actually try something new! So, this time I decided to go an entirely different direction with my eye makeup and highlighting. Maybe you learn something new (pastel pink is a good color on me), maybe you learn a new trick (hide under eye circles with yellow pigment!), maybe you fail miserably (I can not be trusted with traditional liner pencils. I will ruin them in my quest to sharpen them perfectly) but here’s the good news: NO ONE has to see it or even know about it! You’ve just eaten up at least half an hour!

Find an involved hair tutorial and test it out. I know this sounds the exact same as number 1, but trust me, it’s way different (and takes up way more time) This is how I learned to perfect my victory rolls cheat. (photographic proof below)

Dust under something. No, stay with me! If you are anything like me, I spend a good 30 minutes or so before an appointment sweeping, dusting, wiping down or fluffing up things so it looks neat as a pin. I organize, I stack, I even out and fold. But there is something that I’m not really proud of: I really dislike wiping down my baseboards. Call it a mental block, call it laziness, but I just don’t. like. it. So, I have decided that when I get stood up for whatever reason I resolve to do at least one round with my fancy duster thing on my baseboards. If you regulate that one distasteful job to a (hopefully) rare occurrence like a cancellation or no show it seems far less daunting, right?

I’m not even going to sugar-coat this, but get some “self love” time in! (OK that was still pretty sweet) One of the best pieces of advice my mentor gave me was to always, always, always be excited for your engagement. Now, most might have taken that to mean get amped up, look pretty, treat him like a long-lost lover come home again. However, MY mentor was a crazy sex freak (in the best of ways, holla lady!) and spelled it out for me: m-a-s-t-u-r-b-a-t-e. Before every engagement. Not necessarily to completion, you of course want to save all the extra fun stuff for when you are together, but it’s the best way to get that alluring glow in your cheeks, that heady aroma in the air, and hey, masturbating feels awesome, why wouldn’t you do it? So, if you have an hour to kill, maybe it’s the perfect time to rev up that dopamine and oxytocin generator and go to town!

Take a nap. This might just be me, but I love naps. Need I say more?

So there you have it, darlings, five spectacular ways to take the sting out of a cancellation. Now that it’s getting to be gorgeous again we can probably add to the list “take a walk outside” or “read a book on the roof” or “go pick flowers in the park”, but I wanted to keep things pretty specific to in doors and in studio. I can’t lie, with the odd engagement fizzling right at go time, I’ve had a lot of time to think about these things. You can’t ever be disappointed if you have a proper back up plan!

(Oh, and here’s my little experiment with victory rolls. The secret hack is to pull the side hair out at almost 90 degrees then curl it -back- and pin)

Ha! Did you think I was talking about the size of a man’s tackle? Not so, silly dears! Confidentially, I’ve NEVER met a set of twig and berries that I didn’t like. I’m talking, of course, about condom sizing.

Did you know that condoms come in different sizes? And I’m not just talking about “normal” and “magnum”, either. Condom manufacturers diligently test, measure, and I guess focus group test their condoms, and not all condoms are created equally. Condoms vary in base width, tip width, length and thickness, sometimes greatly and sometimes minutely. Since the biggest complaint I hear about condoms are “I don’t feel anything”, followed closely by “they are way too tight/loose/baggy/chafing” I thought it was high time I look into the matter, to hopefully shed some (red) light onto the subject.

(This is a note to say that I’ll only be looking at condoms available in the US. I’ve found out that Europe has 93 different sizes of condoms! I’ll bring back one of their sample packs when I go to Europe this summer!)

My darlings, what is a girl to do when she realizes she just needs a little bit of help to get into those tight, tight wiggle dresses?

I am NOT one to tie on sneakers and go work out in a gym… Frankly I had enough of that in the Army and good riddance. No, I would much rather take a pole dancing class, or go rock climbing! Adventure, thrill, a good story afterward! That’s what I want.

My doctor tells me that even the most vigorous sex isn’t enough to be considered a full workout regimen (yes, I did indeed ask her that. She and I have a great rapport) so she has suggested that since I just about slid out of my seat from boredom while she was discussing running, jogging, and swimming (Chlorine is TERRIBLE for my hair!) she finally told me that if I could find trails to walk really fast on, it could be considered a cardio work out. So! That, in combination with a 4 floor walk up, and a little bit of weight lifting, I should be looking 10 years younger in no time!

I do have a serious thing to ask of you, my lovely readers. I think for this to work, I really need to continue all of that glorious, sweaty, vigorous loving. So what I need from you is your support and encouragement! Let’s nip this wibbly tummy in the bud so I can get back to wearing my slinkiest dresses!

It’s that time again, where lil ol’ me gets to answer (or attempt to answer) a burning question about either the business, the method, the mind-set, or something deliciously sexy! Remember that all emails/suggestions are kept confidential, and I will at time paraphrase the question for clarity and brevity. Off-limit topics include specific personal life stories from yours truly, any information about specific clients or providers, and obviously anything (grossly) lewd or disgusting. I like to think my life is an open book, but I guard sensitive information like a fat kid guards cake. (I do not mean that in an offensive tone. I’m a fat kid and I LOVE cake)

Now, onwards to questions!

A lovely reader and fan, whom I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, writes:

Dear Magdalene,

I’ve only seen a few women and I keep having the same problem of being insanely nervous that they won’t like me. I know it’s stupid sounding but I’m not a good-looking man and I don’t want them thinking I’m disgusting. Any way of getting me over this problem?

Signed

A Big Ol’ Fan

First off, my darling, what we find attractive when we look in the mirror very rarely corresponds with what others find attractive. Just because you don’t look like Matthew McConaughey (or have his abs) doesn’t mean you aren’t a fine-looking gentleman. So get that out of your head. Same deal with your body type. Most women in this business realize that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and there isn’t just ONE kind of body that comes to them. I, personally, would prefer a scrubbed clean Dilbert rather than an unwashed and sweaty Adonis. But that’s just me.

As for your question, it boils down to “Will she like me?”. If I were to write some of the most common things I hear from clients and potential clients (and maybe one day I will) the whole problem of “Will she like me?” would be in the top 5. Now, there are mercenary ways of attacking this problem, and there is sweeter, more holistic ways. Since I like to think that I am a sweet natured person, let’s go that route first:

I, personally, pride myself on being able to find at least one thing about a person that is attractive. Gorgeous eyes, whip-smart intellect, kind voice, that sort of thing. You worry about the Companion you are about to see because you have a kind soul, and you see your Companion as a person first, and a professional second. I’ve found that the men who see me as a commodity rarely seem to care at all past their own needs and desires. While this is a perfectly legitimate way of thinking, and can be done in such a way it isn’t readily apparent, it isn’t my preferred way to do things.

Your Companion, if she’s worth her salt, will be able to pick up on that kind hearted nervousness and hopefully put you at ease in a jiffy. If you are punctual, scrub yourself down in the shower, and lay her tribute in the open you have already jumped the biggest hurdle she’s worried about. (If I were to make a list of provider gripes, lack of hygiene tops the list easily) You may want to tell her that you care about her needs as well as your own, and believe her when she tells you what she wants to do. Take her welcoming smile and her warm embraces at face value, and know that she is choosing to be there, with you, in that moment, because there is something appealing inside of you. Don’t get too hung up on what she wants and needs, because she will tell you. You should feel free to focus on your own desires, whatever they may be. That’s the whole reason you are there! I’m a giver, I’d rather focus on your pleasure than worry about me.

Now, a mercenary thought is “Well, she’s pretending to like you for your money!” or “All those women really just hate men, so it’s not worth trying to please them!” and while I’m sure there are women who fit this bill, I am personally appalled at the thought. Not all money is good money, as they say. And no amount of cash would convince me to get into bed with someone I detested on sight. Avoiding the women who think this way is as easy as researching your potential Companion. Is she warm, welcoming, accepting? Has she a reputation of calming nerves, pampering her suitors? Does she legitimately seem to enjoy what she’s doing? These are the signs of a woman who will not only welcome you into her bed, but will most likely welcome you back again and again!

So, to re-cap!:

Be punctual, clean, and courteous

Voice your own desires, and desire to please

Take her enthusiasm at face value

Don’t dwell on cynicism

Research before you book

How’s that? Class is still in session, and I will be taking questions and comments below!

Wearing flowing skirts and blouses with absolutely not a stitch underneath! (because of the breezes, you see!)

Shuttering up her abode during the day, only to venture forth at night in the cool air! (vampire, what can I say?)

Cavorting about naked as the day I was born, in front of a fan! (With the blinds /mostly/ shut)

Can you darlings guess which one I like the best? (hint… it’s a mix of number 1 and 4, naturally)

For those of you not on my mailing list, this month is my very first attempt at an outdoor shoot! I’m not quite sure where I can get away to that won’t put me in handcuffs for bouncing around naked, but we will see! This month also notes my very first attempt at a dedicated work out schedule since the Army. I promised myself I would NEVER force myself to run again unless I was being chased by zombies, but I think I’ve found a good mix of cardio and weight lifting that will both slim down my curves to an even more pleasing ratio AND not make me want to kill my personal trainer. The heat is notorious for sapping my appetite, so the exercise regimen is also supposed to keep my food intake up at a tolerable level. It’s not uncommon for me to go days without eating more than a yogurt and an iced latte. Heat and me just don’t really go together, ya know?

So that’s the latest, sweet followers! Look forward to my next article, something just for the ladies! (I figured out that I have a not-too-small group of lady readers. How did that happen!?) I am still taking suggestions for what to write about, and my Ask Mag! page is seeing results, so look for one of those in the near future too!

Hello my lovelies! Today was a singularly beautiful day here in the Emerald City, I just had to go out and play in the sun. Which, funnily enough, gave me an idea about what to post on this blog today!

UV rays are everywhere. We all know this, right? UVA, UVB, something about renegade nucleotides or some such science-y jargon. Did you know that the sun doesn’t even have to be out to get hit with those rays? Did you also know that 15 minutes exposure to sunlight is enough to supply you with your daily vitamin D shot?

OK, I know most of you knew all of those things. What I’m more concerned about (and this post is ACTUALLY about) is that some of us are cubicle-dwellers, who wake before the sun rises and don’t even get back in our cars until dusk. We aren’t getting our daily sun shot! Sunlight has been shown to lift moods, boost energy, hell, even give your immune system a kick in the pants. The northwest is absolutely lousy with sufferers of SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. Basically, some of us get depressed when the sun goes away. Get outside and soak up some feel-good juice. Ask anyone, I am a vampire night-owl. I stay up late, I detest getting my porcelain skin even the slightest bit tan, and sunlight hurts my eyes. BUT this year I have decided that every day that is full of sun shine I will go for a walk. Outside. For at least 15 minutes (that’s about a mile and a half for me). I’m one of those people who gets down in the dumps during the winter time, but I’m not going to let that happen this year!

Wear sunglasses, use sunscreen, bring yourself a water bottle. But get your keisters outside a little bit this spring, and I promise there will be a spring in your step!

**Small note before we begin today: Please don’t attempt to schedule time with me through my blog. I have email, I have a phone number. Please use those. Thanks!**

Did you know that scientists have figured out what scent drives a woman mad with lust? Can you think of what that might be? Is it the musky scent of a hard-bodied fireman after a day of saving lives? Is it the downy, creamy smell of a newborn? Maybe the absolutely masculine aroma of roasting meat?

Seriously, though, scent is one of the first senses we develop after we are born. Scent has been said to be the biggest memory trigger. Think of your childhood home, or a relative you loved but have lost. I’ll bet one of the first things you’ll recall is the smell of the musty attic or that Great-Grandma always smelled like those little caramel candies. To this day, black powder and Obsession always bring me back to a certain someone in my life. Now, the smell of silk and cedar really get my blood pumping! (that’s what most vintage clothes smell like… FYI)

Here’s what I will be baking in the next few weeks, what do you think?

Oh, my darlings, let me wax poetic about a topic near and dear to my heart: lingerie. Not just that silky, lacy nothing that one wears for about as long as it takes to get to the bed, but the underthings a proper lady or even a wild woman would wear under her dresses in times gone past.

Oh, sure, we have close approximations today, if you think “wonder materials” like Spandex and lycra can ever recreate the good old “feel” of such undergarments. We’ve gotten lax in recent years, we’ve associated anything form fitting with binding, anything that molds the frame as constrictive and uncomfortable. Modern women look back in time at corsets and wonder just /what/ those ladies were thinking, harming their bodies in such a way! Then they look into the nearer past, and scoff at the rubber and elastic and metal contraptions their grandmothers and great grandmothers stuffed themselves into. The tediousness of hand washing silk stockings, the frustration of runs and tears, the “battle armor” of girdles and waist cinchers, the modern woman would be crazy not to look down on these barbaric items clearly designed to appeal to the male gaze.

But, here’s the thing: a woman’s natural curves were considered beautiful and healthy, not to mention the fashion at the time was distinctly set up to showcase a full bust, a narrow waist, and softly curving hips. The long line of a stocking-clad leg completed what many have stated was the most romantic and sensual look since the corset. As I will show, modern convenience has nothing on vintage determination and drive for the perfect silhouette.

What in blazes is a girdle?

The key to any successful feminine hourglass frame is a sturdy and well made girdle. A girdle is a garment similar in look to a slip, but with built in elastic and rubber panels to smooth out lumps and bumps of the tummy, hips and thighs, while compressing the whole thing into a pleasing shape. They come in many colors, patterns, from utilitarian white stretch (pictured) to lace and satin, even embroidered and beaded! Many come with attached garter clips to hook up one’s stockings to, though some have loops where one could remove the garter tabs if they weren’t needed. A properly fitted girdle doesn’t bind or pinch anywhere, nor does the flesh bulge outside the edges of the garment like at the thigh or bust. A woman was considered loose and extremely inappropriate if she left her home without shimmying into this lovely piece of lace, elastic, and zippers. The modern equivalent, I suppose, is a woman going to her white-collar job or her conservative church sans bra. (Fun historical fact? Girdles have been around in one form or another for centuries. They began as waist cinchers or large belts, and were long associated with virginity and innocence. Many fables and tales have included a girdle that would subdue a wild beast, or that a maiden was tricked after the villain stole her girdle. The “girdle=innocence” trope became so widespread that it became the custom for grooms to remove the girdle of his wife post-wedding. In historical France circa 1800’s prostitutes were forbidden from wearing girdles, since they obviously had no virtue to guard and were not innocent in any respect one soever)

There are a few kinds of girdles. The height of a girdle varies, but either hits a woman just below the navel, at the natural waist, or up to 4 inches above the natural waist, what’s called a “long line” girdle. There is an “open bottom” girdle, which, just as the name suggests, ends in an open circle of hemmed fabric, leaving the crotch area free. This is one of the more popular kinds of girdles, for a few reasons. It allows one easier access for restroom breaks, doesn’t compress the often sensitive region, and of course, if one were to plan a secret tryst or rendezvous… Companies sold what were called “tap pants” to women who chose open bottom girdles. These were high-waisted, silky shorts that came up very high on the hip. They gave ample room for the garters and edge of the girdle, while being inconspicuous under clothing. These offered women a bit of coverage, and lent to some warmth during cold seasons. There is nothing quite so upsetting as putting your barely clothed bum on a freezing cold seat!There is also what is called a panty girdle, which as you might imagine is the same as the above, but ends in a more recognizable “panty”, with leg holes and a closed crotch. Women might choose this model for the sake of modesty, or, since the cut was wider in the back end, women with an abundance of derriere found that panty girdles better covered and corralled their back assets. Almost always, the crotch was equipped with snaps or hooks, so that bathroom breaks were easier. I personally find these models binding and irritating to my tender flesh, but to each their own! There are even long-line “panty” girdles that end in fully fashioned shorts, for the added benefit of total thigh control. Men who cross dress are fond of these styles, as it easily gives them a more feminine figure without having to add padding. Some of these “panty” girdles even have cut outs or round pads at the rear, to lift and project one’s rear end to form a very distinct “bubble butt”. This long-legged style is what I have seen in most contemporary shapewear collections. In reinforced lycra and spandex, usually black or toupe in color. What is so odd to me is most of THESE don’t have the handy quick-release between the legs. I’ve seen many with attached suspender-like additions, meant to corral one’s breasts with or without a modern bra. If one were to wear that contraption under a dress or other outfits, how exactly did one gracefully get out of it? Score one for vintage ingenuity!

The “all-in-one” girdle (or “body briefer” as they are sometimes called) is my favorite. It’s one piece that incorporates the bust, waist, hips and bum of the wearer, and looks more like a traditional slip, if a slip could compress the hips and whittle the waist to perfection! The cups of the built in bra molded the breasts into a natural, conical shape while lifting them high on the chest. The contemporary cleavage enhancements and rounded, half globe shapes today’s bras offer would never have worked in the ’50’s. The famous “bullet bra” is an extreme example of the breast shape popular at the time. Again, the emphasis here is a more natural, womanly shape, and natural breasts are perky, sit evenly and high on the chest, and form a vaguely conical shape. Lest you think that every woman looked like an extra in a Madonna video, the softer cups were much more prevalent than they spiral-stitched, padding-enhanced bullet bras one sees now adays. With this garment under one of my wiggle dresses I am smooth and trim from bust to thigh, and what’s even better is that the attached garters are engineered to lie flat to my flesh, leaving no unsightly bumps under even the tightest of dresses. With my trusty all-in-one, my sexy behind is tight and lifted, my breasts are prominent, and best of all, my waist is easily 10 inches smaller than the widest point of my hips!

But WHY wear them?

You may be scratching your head at this moment. No matter how much I claim the garments are comfortable, you may be thinking that anything that constricts is going to be binding. No matter how much I insist that a natural bust line is the epitome of womanhood, you still drool over the tightly pressed together cleavage a Wonder Bra gives. You may understand the erotic appeal of back-seamed stockings with garters, but aren’t pantyhose more efficient and less expensive?
Most of these queries have merit. Sure, they make pantyhose that double as a tummy-tamer, and stockings and garter belts ARE expensive. But, I always go back to this: if one is to wear proper vintage attire, one MUST have proper vintage undergarments on as a foundation. The strength, the symmetry, and the look of these foundation garments are unparalleled. Just as inferior cooking tools can scald and burn and smoke, so, too, can contemporary and cheaper “base” shapewear give out and not hold up to what the clothing demands. It’s also a sense of nostalgia, for at least a part. The glamour of the Hollywood starlets, the impish seduction of pin-up girls, the obsession with a felled stocking or exposed crinoline, all of these things factor into my love of vintage lingerie. There simply isn’t any romance or allure to modern day’s answer to underwear. And so, to my dying day, I will be seen in nothing but the best vintage garments:

We all know the old saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away!”. We’ve rolled our eyes, chuckled, and went on our way. No one EVER seems to debate the wisdom of “An ORGASM a day keeps the doctor away,”. But it’s true! Here’s an article that encapsulates a study:

Now, if you actually read that article, it talks about how over-all, men have a shorter lifespan than women. I don’t think that’s a revelation for many people. What is interesting, is that unlike women, men actively desire sex longer (72% vs only 11% ages 57-85), and those men who do have an active sex life can add 5-11 years onto their life. That number is increased even more if the man is not just sexually active, but physically active and moving about.

In all fairness, the above article that references the study done by the British Medical Group has come under fire; it’s not an accurate subsection of people, it could have been coincidence, but based on my (admittedly self-selected) data, I’d like to believe it’s true. I don’t care if it’s confirmation bias!

So, for better health, take your sexuality in hand (or someone else’s) and maybe send a bit of that good energy my way!

What I really want to talk about, though, is the concept of self-love to keep one happy and whole. (And before you start making masturbation jokes, I’ve heard them all) Here’s an article discussing non-sexual things one might do to pamper your body and calm your mind. It’s geared mostly to women but who says a manly man can’t take a bubble bath?

My business and lifestyle can take tolls on my body. If I want to be in tip-top condition, I have to remember to eat right, sleep enough, drink lots of water and be mindful of when was the last time I was outside? Today, I decided that I should have a monthly ritual in which to pamper and self-love myself to get me back into 100% mode. It is my personal opinion that these things are omnisexual, and I encourage my men to at least try some or all of these things (you can thank me later!)

Take the day off!

Moisturizing facial

Full-body massage

Deluxe Pedicure

Shop My Favorite Stores

Eat an Artisan Cupcake

Then, at night, when I’m curled up comfy on my couch with a mug of tea and some kettle corn, I watch a comfort movie (Disney, a musical, or a documentary about puppies), and when I put myself to bed on freshly laundered sheets I thank myself for a day well spent (sorry boys, a lady never kisses and tells, even if it’s with herself!)

I’ve been trying to do this once a month for a year; I always seem to find something else that is more important. Nothing is more important than your health. Physical, mental, sexual, psychological, they are all important. And we tend to ignore one for the other, if we pay attention at all. No more. I’ve found the salon of my dreams and a LMP who is easy to schedule with and adores me. Why shouldn’t I take care of myself first?

I would LOVE to hear what you do to relax after a hard day/week/month. Give me ideas!

Mag, I’m a huge fan of your blog! [aww thanks!]. My question is this: I see a lot of girls in my home, and sometimes they show up with a small duffle bag of stuff! It’s not very discreet. What do you take to outcalls, so I can link those girls to your blog?

*I made up this name. I don’t want to run the risk of someone recognizing a nom de plume. I’ll make up a name for each entry

Well, Mr. Mysterious, first of all I’m sorry that the girls you are choosing have such a lack of creativity! Asking a girl to be discreet when they come to your home is a fair and easy request to make, I think. Here’s what I bring to every out call. Feel free to send them this list or link back to my blog.

In a small handbag (roughly 10inX6inX3in)

6 condoms (flavored,

small/med/large, latex and latex-free

Small tube of water-based lube

Two pairs of undies

Two pair non-latex gloves

ACLU “Don’t Talk To Cops” card (don’t judge. It could happen)

Small make-up kit w/ lipstick, powder, eye shadow and concealer

Travel hair brush

Travel toothbrush, paste and mouth wash

Travel deodorant

Baby powder

Baby oil

Now, for special requests, I have a shoulder bag big enough for a pair of heels, change of clothes/lingerie, a few toys and maybe a few nibbles, but that’s strictly on request. A girl should be able to carry her “essentials” in a tiny purse. Hell, the hair brush, tooth brush, make up and skin care things could be easily stashed in the lady’s car and never brought up to the clients’ house.

As a little afterward, a girl should always travel with her own condoms and lube. Yes, I know most guys are thoughtful and keep their own stash, but girls, DON’T RELY ON IT. It’s unprofessional. Plus, you never know if his condoms are old, punctured, or disagree with your lady bits.