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Palm Springs is full of three things: golf courses, rich old guys with young wives, and gated communities. Real estate outside the gates costs an arm and a leg. Inside, it costs a whole body.

"Dead for about twenty-four hours," the ME said as he stood from his crouch. "Both of them. Third couple from here this week."

"Believe me, we know," Rita said as she marked body wounds on the stick men she'd sketched in her notebook. "I've barely slept in three days."

"Still pretty as a picture, Sammy," Chris called from across the room. He was talking to the first officer on the scene, making certain the timeline was properly set.

"No wonder you're not married," the ME said with a grin as he packed his bag.

"All the compliments, none of the work," Rita replied, giving the ME a nod as he walked out the door.

"Well?" Chris asked fifteen minutes later. He'd sent the responding officer back to his car, and Rita had spent the time sifting through the victims' personals.

"Nothing kinky," she said. "Not handcuffs or French Ticklers or even a blindfold."

"Vanilla couple goes down in a fit of passion," Chris said, glancing at the bodies as the sheets were thrown over them. "Now, that's a sad state of affairs."

"You'd know, Sammy," Rita replied, and Chris faked an over-the-top laugh as she walked around him to check the next room.

*

"Undercover?" Rita asked two hours later when Lipshitz handed them a file with details.

"Three bodies in a week," Lipshitz told her. "I don't want more. You two are moving to suburbia and falling in love."

"In that order?" Chris asked.

"Whatever works. You'll be in limited contact with us, just a phone call a day. Get in, look around, and find out who's doing this. I don't want any more bodies."

"Got it," Rita said, and Chris nodded in agreement as they stood up.

*

The house they were given for the operation had four bedrooms and was half a block down from the last murder. They made a big show of moving in, instructing the officers disguised as movers in where to place the furniture they'd pulled from lock-up.

"Think they bought it?" Chris asked as they sat in "their" new kitchen and ate Chinese food from cartons.

"We'll see," Rita replied, and she reached into Chris' carton and stole his pea pods.

*

Nothing happened in the first week. They tried to recreate the murdered couples as closely as possible, attending parties, making friends with the neighbors, even buying the same brands at the grocery store. The daily call to Lipshitz quickly devolved into him muttering things they couldn't quite understand, but his aggravation was clear.

"We'll get him, Captain," Chris promised. "He's probably just gone to ground for right now."

"Get a yard man," the Captain ordered. "They all had a yard man."

Rita asked around, all polite smiles and cheerful laughs, and got the name of a trusted yard man. He showed up the second day of their second week and got to work immediately, outlining flowerbeds and giving polite nods to Chris as he left for his fake job in finance.

"Anything?" Chris asked as he met her at the door that night, pecking her on the mouth as had become custom.

"Nothing," Rita replied, pulling at his tie and dragging him into the house by its tail. "Except it turns out I'm quite good at Bridge.

"You're good at everything, Sammy," Chris replied, and he kissed her without thinking.

"Sam," Rita breathed against his mouth as she pushed him away gently, like a wife might push away a sweet but distracting husband. "You know better," she said, giving him a look.

"Sorry," he said after a moment. He took a step back and straightened his shoulders. "Just kind of nice being out here with you."

"Sammy," Rita warned.

"I think about it sometimes," Chris added. "You and me and a house in the suburbs."

"We'd hate it," Rita said. "We'd be bored in a week without a body to poke at."

"We'd have great-looking kids."

"That's not a solution to boredom."

"They'd be clever."

"Same problem, Sammy."

Chris reached up and cupped Rita's face. She leaned into his palm and gave him a small smile. "One of these days..."

"I want my friend and partner," Rita said. "Before anything else, I want you like I have you."

"You drive a hard bargain, Sam."

"One of us has to."

Chris smiled at her and dropped his hand. "What's for dinner?" he asked.

*

Three days later, as they sat down to a dinner of porkchops, potatoes, and fresh salad, the yard man burst in the backdoor, hedge clippers pointed at them.

"No good yuppies," he murmured as he advanced. "living off the fat of everything while the rest of us--"

Rita picked up the unopened wine bottle and swung it like a five iron, catching the yard man under the chin and sending him sprawling. Chris pinned the yard man, squeezing his hand until he let go of the hedge clippers. He reached for his cuffs by habit, but there was nothing there.

"Hit him again," Rita suggested. Chris gave her a look, and she shrugged as she pulled a set of cuffs from her purse.

"Sammy," Chris said with an approving eyebrow lift.

"Just because the last victims were boring doesn't mean we have to be," she replied with a matching eyebrow lift.

*

It turned out the weapon wasn't hedge clippers, but a long knife they found tucked under the lip of the cupboards that the yard man had placed when he'd come in for a drink of water.

"What have I told you about letting strange men into the house, young lady?" Chris asked as they inspected the knife and listened to the yard man swear at the officers who were putting him in the back of the cruiser.

"Always bring protection?" Rita replied, hefting the wine bottle she still held. "Not my best swing, but a pretty good hole in one, I'd say."

I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THIS YET AND I ALREADY LOVE IT. seriously, i requested silk stalkings fic i think two years ago but i never really thought it would actually happen. and you wrote undercover married fic! it's like you wrote this for me!

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I've pondered my comment for several hours to make sure that I get it right and cover ALL of what I like about this story, but I know I'm still going to miss stuff.

First...THANK YOU for picking this up as a pinch hit and, by happenstance, doing the one that I realized over the past few weeks, was really the one I was hoping for above the others. Because...CHRIS AND RITA!!!

The first sentence sets the tone and it is PERFECT Rita-voiceover-voice in a way that took me right back to watching the establishing shots of Palm Springs in my head.

You've got fun banter with the ME, references to kinky stuff, all the pieces that are needed.

You got Lipschitz in! I LOVE HIM! The casual, "You're moving to suburbia and falling in love" is so perfect...as is Chris's question about the order. He never was the brighter of the two.

You did SUCH great work with the shorthand of the suburbs trope...the moving in, the parties, the fake smiles, the friend-making, the banality...the Chinese food out of cartons in their Perfect Kitchen! (I forgot to add...while she STEALS HIS PEA PODS!!!) And Chris in a finance job...perfect.

I love Rita's comment that she's good at Bridge, and Chris pointing out that she's good at everything, then the wonderful discussion about whether she also thinks about them, together, her insisting that they'd kill each other and go out of their minds with boredom, and, as is SO THEM, it being Chris who's the romantic and Rita who's the pragmatist and leader...and her pointing out that THEY don't have to be boring. :-) You've really got them here just as I see them.

And the GOLFING at the end!!! Oh, my Sams! And I love that the yard guy IS the killer...simple, cheesy, SO this show! Thank you, thank you, thank you. You did with my prompt EXACTLY what I'd most have hoped, and I love it!

Last Edited Sun25Dec201106:52PMEST

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I am so thrilled you liked it so much! I had an absolute ball playing in the tropes of the show, and I was so glad to get to pick up the hit. I have always loved Christ and Rita and the way their relationship worked--that they were obviously in love with one another but recognized that their partnership and friendship should override romantic notions--and I am really, really proud of that golf swing. I won't lie. I was trying to figure out how to work it in there the whole time, and I laughed out loud when I got it to work.

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I loved this show, and this story brought it all rushing right back. Sam and Sam, and golfing, and Lipshitz, and banter, and UST underneath a rock-solid friendship -- everything was spot-on and lovely. Thanks for reminding me how much I loved Silk Stalkings!