Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Indignity of Commuting by Bicycle: Bike Month Round-Up

We're only seven days into Bike Month NYC 2008 and already the city is fairly bursting with sweet, juicy, bikey goodness. Everywhere you look people are either riding, talking about riding, or hoping to sell something to people who ride. So, in the spirit of the season, I dusted off the old cardboard disposable camera and took a few snapshots around town so you non-New Yorkers out there can experience the joy right along with us:

If New York City were a giant grade school, local news channel NY1 would be its morning announcements. (And Williamsburg would be that little area where all the kids with band t-shirts and eyeliner hang out between classes and smoke.) It's also sort of like that screen in the movie "1984" in that it's something that's always on in the background, except instead of showing the menacing countenance of "Big Brother" it features a smug Canadian anchorman. At any rate, this morning NY1 did a little Bike Month piece and interviewed none other than DOT Commissioner Janet Sadik-"Wrath Of" Khan along with Transportation Alternatives Executive Director and serial flasher Paul "Steezy" Steely "Dan" White, both of whom had the good sense to wear their interview helmets in case of microphone-related mishaps. Apparently next Friday is Bike To Work Day here in the city, which, while well-intentioned, alienates a significant portion of the cycling community as it leaves most Williamsburgers with no destination.

OK, not a photograph, but speaking of the news media, The New York Times has also been in on the Bike Month action. Recently, they posted this video about bike lane activists. Now, if you're expecting me to make some cheap joke about this guy's name, you can just forget it. I don't sandbag in races and I don't go for the cheap laugh. I'm just going to take the high road here and applaud Tim and his cohorts for their efforts. So remember, if you see Doody in the bike lane, make sure to swerve or else things could get messy.

Of course, until Doody and his team manages to clear those bike lanes, cyclists will continue to be forced to improvise. Here's invertebrate-namesake and local celebressenger Squid flouting traffic laws in order to deliver a tubular object of some kind in a timely fashion. Interestingly, as email continues to replace many forms of enveloped correspondence the typical messenger's load is now much more likely to be unwieldy and misshapen. (You can't email a set of blueprints or an outfit for a fashion shoot.) Perhaps this will lead to messenger bikes becoming more utilitarian. Then of course non-messengers will adopt the utilitarian look too as they did the track bike. Might we see a day when the new form of hip urban transport is the trike? God I hope not.

With bicycles enjoying such popularity in New York these days, more and more bike shops are springing up to service them. Recently, as I entered Manhattan on its eponymous bridge, I happened upon this sign. Intrigued, I deviated from my course in order to check it out. Here's what I found:

I was dismayed to find the shop closed despite the fact that the hour was in the double-digits. I was also confused by the name. Maybe they meant it like "'Da," as in "You 'da man," or "Yo, pass me 'da Torah so I could get my brucha on." Or maybe they mean something else entirely. In any case, I'm always supportive of a new shop, so I'll just wish them all dah luck in dah world and leave it at that.

On the other end of the retail spectrum, bag maker Crumpler is getting into the Bike Month spirit with this ebullient window display. I don't know if "BIKE!" here is meant as a noun, or a verb, or both. Frankly, if it's the latter, I don't appreciate store windows demanding I do something, even if it's something I actually like to do. Generally, if someone insists I do something, my immediate inclination is to do the opposite. Perhaps that's why Philip Seymour Hoffman's stunt double over there decided to PAINT! instead. I'm not sure what he's painting though. There is a park across the street, but it's filled with pigeons and winos. Should be a colorful painting--if vomit is a color.

Ah, what could say "Bike Month" more articulately than a tandem sighting on the Brooklyn Bridge? Tandems definitely fall into the category of "freak bikes." However, unlike other freak bikes like recumbents and tri bikes tandems make you happy when you see them instead of angry. They're kind of like seeing antique cars in that you can't help pointing and waving--until you get stuck behind one, of course, at which point they do become pretty annoying.

I took this picture outside of an Equinox Fitness Club. If I've got a bicycle and some time to kill on a beautiful day and I'm looking for a workout, my inclination is to ride. The last thing I'd want to do is go to a gym. Then again, I do have an irrational fear of gym equipment-bourne illnesses, and some people's fitness goals are different from my own. (Especially since mine don't exist.)

But I was particularly amused by the juxtaposition of the bicycles here. The one on the right looks like it belongs to a cyclist who's repurposed an old road bike for city use. Nothing wrong with that. As far as the overpriced circus bike on the left, though, it looks like it belongs to an entirely different breed of gym rat:

DAH is part of a guerilla marketing campaign for the new Shimano gruppo, Dura Ace Hellaspensive (DAH). It will feature electronic shifting, will weigh less than a SRAM engineer's lunchbox, will work pretty well, and won't have any clear reason to exist. This makes it the ideal companion piece in the Shimano line for the Dura-Ace-priced Ultegra SL, which is a little lighter than Ultegra Classic, a wee bit cheaper than Dura Ace Original, and living in the component equivalent of a pup tent in No-Man's-Land. Some critics have placed DAH in the Shimano spectrum as above Dura Ace, but below Alivio, reasoning that if you think Dura Ace just isn't good enough, that you probably aren't smart enough to notice the difference between D/A and Alivio, and you're more likely to go with Alivio anyhow due to the big red plastic derailleur pully.

Pappy, bike month in Caronto means only 20 minutes free parking in bike lanes, and only five allowed minutes of baton beating by some obese corrupt cop at 52 division. killing a cyclist is 4 points off your license instead of the usual 2 points.

Toronto bike cops are the only ones in the world that are so f-ing lazy, they take the subway uptown to avoid the brutal 1-2% gradient, then coast to patrol downtown, stopping at every donut shop.

O.K. Snob stalkers. For those of us in the hinterlands who examine each post for clues to the Snob's identity the same way a shaman examines chicken entrails, we need some help from you Manhattanites in interpreting today's post. Which one is the "eponymous" bridge? If Snob has a day job, why was he crossing it at a "double digit" hour? Could it have been Shabbat, and the newly-minted bike shop was closed because they truly were "getting their brucha on?"

And speaking of bike lane shenanigans, I plagiarized a patented BSNYC metaphor a dozen posts down in this thread http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?p=4413394 and the results were just hilarious! The op defended his dangerous riding habits like people used to defend not wearing a seatbelt. He even starts to show a bit of closet racism on the second page! BSNYC your words really have the power to infuriate!

That screen cap is so visually jarring that all I could think of was "Oh, it must be BikeDork to Weak Work." There's nothing like putting the cycling community's best foot forward, to convince others to ride to work. Or to rid etow ork, as I prefer to think about my bike commuting.

That 'Da Shop' is totally not a real bike shop. It's more like two young kids who must have shit load of money cause they have a couple skateboards and fixies in there. They should call it 'Style Shop'. They had no knowledge of history, only style. Apparently that's all you need.

Teachable moment, look up eponymous and then look at a map of the City. Check where the east end of said bridge terminates. You may find an extra clue.

New York runs on a 24 hour beat. RTMS may work, if he works (how can you be sure of anything on the internets?), an afternoon/evening shift.

It could be Shabbat, maybe BSNYC is on his way to a downtown/midtown temple to make up a minyan for early Friday evening services. But the way he pronounced brucha was kinda frum so maybe he's orthodox and then it could be any time of any day but Shabbat because he's riding and that's not kosher on the day of rest and study.

Riding is one of the best things in the world but I wonder if we're not all somehow livin the dream like the friggin' Simpsons' Comic Book Guy sometimes... Best... Sport... Ever.

"Pishaw! come back!, those are prescription lycra bibs!!"

BSNYC stickers are fine, but what we REALLY need are limited edition (by limited, I mean limited by how many you can sell) BSNYC figurines that we can keep in the box in mint condition. Each action figure should be anatomically correct (factoring in the bris), and attached accessories should include a top tube protector, a pie plate, a custom craigslist love ad and a tiny chrome Pista.

The plastic package bubble will have a special flavor coating that when licked will confirm the obvious...bitter.

Well, it has been a name waaay longer than it has been a brand.You should meet my brother, Coppi.That's not a brand, right? ;)I kid, I kid. His name is Colnago, no wait! Lemond (ok, bad choice). How about tommas......ini (I'm sorry, I can't help it.) Pinarello? Merckx? Fisher? Steelman? Bontrager? Oops, those are all brands, not peoples' names.

PS. yes, yes, "love and hugs for all" Geez, I thought we were "bringing back bitter".

ayendeewy, kanye's bike had black risers and a black wheel set but they sure look similar. maybe the apocalypse is here when rappers start selling their track bikes which then get upgrades by confused gym rats. Look for lamas.

Apparently next Friday is Bike To Work Day here in the city, which, while well-intentioned, alienates a significant portion of the cycling community as it leaves most Williamsburgers with no destination.

that keep us comin' back.

I just mentally sub Portland for Brooklyn, and snicker just that little bit.

"That 'Da Shop' is totally not a real bike shop. It's more like two young kids who must have shit load of money cause they have a couple skateboards and fixies in there. They should call it 'Style Shop'. They had no knowledge of history, only style. Apparently that's all you need."

couldn't be further from the truth.. I konw there is no money being a sponsored pro BMX rider. it is a bike shop. it's brand new. (opened the 26th of april.) and caters to BMX kids that ride near there. (china banks, brooklyn banks. etc.)

"That 'Da Shop' is totally not a real bike shop. It's more like two young kids who must have shit load of money cause they have a couple skateboards and fixies in there. They should call it 'Style Shop'. They had no knowledge of history, only style. Apparently that's all you need."

'Dah Shop' is owned by two friends who were assistant managers at the bike store chain 'Metro'. for over 8 years. one being Tyrone Williams a brooklyn native and bmx pro. they quit and invested whatever money they had to open that spot. it's rough around the edges, but a work in progress. maybe you should've tried to talking to them. and like what was said before is primarily a bmx and single speed shop.

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!