Kristi Barlette

Published 5:50 pm, Thursday, September 13, 2012

You're either a thank you note-writer or you're not. And for those who are not, think about this: It really only takes five minutes and it could be the bright spot in the recipient's day.

As a child, my mother wouldn't let me go out to play until I wrote to my grandfather's cousin thanking her for the crisp dollar bill tucked in my birthday card and to my best friend's mother for hosting me overnight while my parents

were at an out-of-town retirement party.

I thought my mother was being mean and keeping me from having fun. I'd grumble and complain. In the time it took to stomp and scowl in protest, I could've written the note and been back to playing Capture the Flag with the neighbors.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one protesting.

"It's always been a challenge to get people to write thank you notes, and it's a real test of quality parenting and quality upbringing if you do write them today," says Daniel Post Senning, great-great-grandson of Emily Post and co-author of the 18th edition of "Emily Post's Etiquette."

So, what he's saying is mom was right?

OK, fine. I'll admit I'm a convert. The task I considered so tedious as a child is now a priority, and I actually kind of like picking the custom stationary and writing the note.

Our wedding thank yous were written and mailed within 48 hours of our reception, and when I receive a birthday check from a relative or a dinner invite from my former boss, the response is written and stamped before going to bed that night.

For me, a delayed thank you is almost as disappointing as no thank you at all.

Tim Wedeman, owner of Capital Disc Jockeys, is also a thank you note writer. After a wedding, he writes the couple thanking them for making him part of their day. The notes are a dash of personalization you don't always find in business these days, and he often hears back from the bride or groom. They express surprise and appreciation. One former bride even called to say she'd been having an awful day but seeing the thank you card in her mailbox that afternoon helped turn the day around.

As for Tim, he's been doing the whole thank you note thing for about four years, but his wife, Mary Ann, been writing them for a lifetime. Like me, she got in the habit thanks to her mom. Mary Ann's passed that belief along to Tim.

About 60 percent of the time, the note-writing goes both ways with Tim receiving handwritten thank yous from his clients. I was one of those people.

Tim deejayed the Times Union's On the Edge blog birthday bash back in the spring. He volunteered his time, his staff's, and even his company's photo booth.

Readers raved about the music and the booth. Happy readers make a happy blogger, so I sent Tim a handwritten note expressing my appreciation.

He was one of the nearly three dozen thank you notes I sent out over the course of three months. Everyone from my dry cleaner to the woman who designed our wedding album to the police department in our town received a note. I even sent one to the Office of General Services in Albany after one of the groundskeepers at the Corning Preserve set aside his weed cutter and fixed my dad's bike on the fly.

Kind of like author John Kralik, who wrote thank you notes every day for a year (which he chronicled in "A Simple Act of Gratitude"), I wanted to express appreciation not just for those who knew I valued the things they did or gave, but also those who may feel underappreciated — such as our garbage collector.

The experiment proved surprising. First of all, if it wasn't for Etsy, I'd have had a hard time finding decent notes to send. Did the lack of interest and effort lead stores to only offer two options — one that had a hint of masculinity thanks to the blues and browns on the front and another decorated with flowers and presumably meant to appeal to women?

Plus, it seemed people don't care much about others appreciating what they've done. Sure, a few people like Tim and my dry cleaner thanked me for the thank you and a police officer said my card was hanging in their break room, but one woman dismissed the mailing, admitting it arrived, but she never got around to reading it.

It was eight sentences.

While Daniel, the etiquette expert from the Emily Post Institute, says the act of writing a note hasn't died, fewer people are using snail mail to send them. Sure, email is quicker, and easier. Heck, some people even text their appreciation. But if you want to follow proper etiquette, you'll opt for the handwritten note sent through traditional mail, Daniel says.

We know, we know, mailing a card means finding stationary, an envelope and a pen. And, if you're lucky enough to find a stamp in the bottom of your desk drawer, there's a good chance it's from a couple years ago and won't cover the postage.

But there's something to be said about that handwritten note. In many cases, it's the only piece of personal mail someone receives in a week, or even a month. Plus, the effort of investing the time, and resources, to write that traditional note shows a deeper appreciation.

And, well, you are likely to get something out of it, too. This is especially true when passing appreciation on to the businesses or others you interact with each day. You know, the people you don't think to thank beyond the dismissive and automatic "thank you" as you pull away from the window at your favorite coffee shop?

Many times people who are just doing their jobs are surprised you noticed they were doing really well because most people don't, says John, the "A Simple Act of Gratitude" author. "But after a year or so of (writing notes), you find yourself walking around surrounded by people who know you appreciate what they do, and it makes your overall life feel better."