from crazy pregnant person to blissfully happy breastfeeding mother

I guess that’s why they call it the blues …

August 30, 2011

Bit of a rubbish start to the post bank holiday week …

came downstairs this morning and looked out into the garden only to see a large squirrel dying, really horrible, and I feel very responsible after the rat man came and put stuff in the attic last week … not sure if it’s just the dead squirrel and The Spaniard’s baby hormones kicking in, or the fact that I had a rotten night’s sleep last night after husband got back from his week away all over tired and grumpy.

I lay awake thinking of all the things that need doing over the coming weeks:

– clear attic of expired creatures and mountains of junk

– excavate spare room and find airing cupboard so that:

a) can fix heating / hot water

b) can start to sort out a room that will be shared between The Spaniard, our guests and my ‘home’ office

– put in new bathroom and flooring (old one all cracked and horrible)

– hoover lots with one of those carpet cleaning devices to get 20 years of rubbish out of the carpet

– sort out hooks in hall way and somewhere to put shoe mountain

and so on and so forth – oh and cut ivy to stop creatures climbing up and getting into the attic … oh and mending hole in the attic where they come in.

Anyway – I haven’t stopped crying since I saw the poor squirrel go stiff and it’s beautiful bushy tail stop quivering. Well, I have but keep starting again and feel all sort of frozen inside. Major tummy ache, feel sick and headachey. GREAT big humph.

To top all that off this next 24 hours is extra sad as it marks 8 years since one of the most (probably the most) magical special people who I have had the privilege to have bringing colour, joy, love and general madness into my life had a heart attack and died very suddenly. Silly sod; Eric Henry you and Blue and Innit (both of them) are very very missed.

So, lots going on in the afore-mentioned mushed brain of this crazy pregnant person … hence the blues.

Pulling self together now and writing a marketing plan for 2 events in London for a new client, putting together invoices AND writing a proposal for another event … oh and dashing back home to welcome Matthew the rat man back again in the hope that he can remove the ex-Squirrel from the garden and dreading what he will find in the attic.

Oh the upside, today I wish very wonderful Faizal Rasheed from Kerala and my other Muslim friends ‘Eid mubarek’ (ohhh I wish I could be there to celebrate too) and I really enjoyed driving across Cambridge this morning and seeing so many multi coloured saris and girls in burkas and smartly dressed happy people walking along.

Also my tummy has expanded even more to the point where mother insisted on taking this picture of me putting my top on to demonstrate the size of The Spaniard’s dwelling place.
I’m pleased it’s so visible now … reassuring and fun to ‘feel’ and ‘look’ pregnant!

Sorry for the self indulgent blah … I blame the hormones and the ‘ceased to be squirrel’… and I did say back in the beginning of the blog that you were in it with me for the ups and downs.

Thanks Amy Jo … and yes please re the offer of help with sorting … I need to get a bit sorted bout maybe in a fortnight … you are off to the States soon aren’t you … remind me the dates … and hope to see you at some point next week (later) for a walk xxx thank you x

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Hola from a long journey

Thanks for stopping by ... the high speed summary is that I started this in the days after having IVF in Southern Spain and then finding myself pregnant at the age of 47.

Long awaited and tenaciously grasped onto in spite of me being "geriatric" and "high risk" and The Spaniard (as the small soul was known having been made in a test tube in Spain) being classified as "high value". We were told (endlessly) of the risks and were only too aware of the dangers the pregnancy faced.

This is our journey.

Post Script …

My darling little Spaniard ceased to be in January 2012 when Hope was born. I was 47 3/4 ... not just an older mum but a positively geriatric first time mother,
I mourned the passing of my precious Spaniard, my dear dear friend and companion just as I celebrated my daughter's arrival. Hope is a wonderful thriving child and I count my blessings every day as I look at her in absolute awe and wonder. For me it isn't about being an older mother it's simply about being a mother and the best mother I can be.

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I was proud and humbled, in 2013 and in 2014, to have been shortlisted in the amazing Brilliance in Blogging (BiBs) Awards in the 'Inspire' category alongside some of the most remarkable writers in the UK. I was also nominated for MAD Blog of the Year, Best Writer AND the Most Entertaining blog award 2014. Thank you you so much for your support.