Rupert Murdoch Pie-Thrower Convicted, Hurls One More Epic Punchline

Johnny Marbles may not have killed them with kindness, but he definitely stabbed them with sarcasm.

The instantly famous Rupert Murdoch pie-thrower Jonathan May-Bowles, a comedian who goes by the name of Johnny Marbles, was convicted of assault today for his July 19 pie-hurling at Rupert Murdoch’s July 19 testimony before Parliament.

May-Bowles was convicted of assault and “causing harassment, alarm or distress” according to the Guardian, despite Rupert Murdoch’s attorney specifically noting that Murdoch himself does not support a charge of assault against May-Bowles.

An officious-sounding judge issued the verdict in a hearing that lasted just 15 minutes, and set a sentencing date of August 2nd, refusing to accommodate May-Bowles’ vacation that he has planned with his family. “He should have thought about this on the 19th of July when he committed these offences,” the judge said.

Emerging from the courtroom, May-Bowles had the last laugh: when asked for comment on his pie-throwing conviction, he smugly quoted Rupert Murdoch’s Parliament testimony, “I would just like to say this has been the most humble day of my life.”