Hello, boys and girls, I am The Doctor
But not the kind that gives you medicine
I’ve travelled throughout time and space
Just to please the human race
So let’s not dilly dally, let’s begin.

Now this thing you see here, it is my TARDIS
And with it we shall get this party started
Time and Relative Dimension
In Space. It’s quite an invention
Some call it The Doctor’s Wife
Excuse me while I slip inside…

You know
It’s bigger on the inside
It’s bigger on the inside
Once you’ve felt it inside
I’m sure that you’ll agree.
It’s bigger on the inside
But don’t take it from me
Once you’ve felt it inside you will see.

An evil nemesis we call The Master
Baits me into all kinds of disaster
On Gallifrey, or so I’m told,
He gazed into a gaping hole
And ever since he’s been an awful bastard

And then, of course, we’ve got the Cybermen
I hope I never see those things again.
Who knows what they’re packing there
In their silver underwear
When they arrive, you should vacate
Your ass, they wish to “simulate”

You know
It’s bigger on the inside
It’s bigger on the inside
Once you’ve felt it inside
I’m sure that you’ll agree.
It’s bigger on the inside
But don’t take it from me
Once you’ve felt it inside you will see.

And pray you never see any weeping angels
‘Cause though it seems like they are made of stone
They’re quantum locked so in a wink
If you should turn your head or blink
They’ll get to you and chill you to the bone… er

Those moving buckets there they are the Daleks
They whine so much you’d swear that they have colic
It’s DESTROY and EXTERMINATE
I think I know why they’re irate
If they make it to the second floor
I’ll show then what that plunger’s for!

You know
It’s bigger on the inside
It’s bigger on the inside
Once you’ve felt it inside
I’m sure that you’ll agree.
It’s bigger on the inside
But don’t take it from me
Once you’ve felt it inside you will see.

They ask me “Doctor Who?”
What they should ask is “HOW?”
I am so very well endowed
I must admit, it’s rather long
If you think I mean my scarf, you’re wrong!You bloody pervs, I meant this song!

So if you think you’d like a sonic screw-
driver like I’m holding in my hand.
You will have to let me in
Don’t worry child, it’s not a sin
Hold on to my temporal drive
I’ll take you for an epic ride!

You know
It’s bigger on the inside
It’s bigger on the inside
Once you’ve felt it inside
I’m sure that you’ll agree.
It’s bigger on the inside
But don’t take it from me…