Ask Athena: My Girlfriend Left But We're Trying to Work It Out

My girlfriend and I have lived together four years. Two years were rocky because I wasn't taking my anxiety meds. She left three months ago, and we are trying to work it out. She said she can't get over her resentment and that she wants to miss me like she used to before she comes home to stay. Help!

Signed,

I Want My GF Back

Dear Want,

Patience is indeed a virtue. It will serve you now as you manage the time apart from your girlfriend, and it's sure to come in handy when she moves back in. Seeing as how she has coming home to you on her agenda, I wonder: What do you need help with specifically?

It seems like you're on the right track. You've identified one of the factors that led to rockiness in the past. You are "working it out." And she has explained her feelings about moving forward. She needs time, so your job now is to wait.

I don't mean sit around and twiddle your thumbs. Spend this waiting period actively reconnecting, courting each other again and jump-starting your love. Patience coupled with effort will make this in-between phase a learning experience — one that can bring you closer and heal old wounds.

While you're taking care of your relationship, make sure to take care of yourself. You mentioned that stopping your anxiety medication was a source of struggle for you both. I certainly don't want to assume anything about your mental health, but please see your doc if you're continuing to struggle with your anxiety or your meds.

And ask yourself this: Was your decision to stop taking meds the only cause of your relationship challenges? I doubt it. Each half of a couple plays a pivotal role in how things go down.

You and your GF have a fresh start ahead. Take time to clear the air now so you can make it count.