Life as a family of four

Angst

As I expected, the posts from the last couple of days have caused a few issues.

R is angry and upset (especially given that she read about this on her birthday, which was an unintended coincidence). LB is upset. I’m upset. Phone conversations this morning did very little to improve the situation.

So what to do? Do we start to password protect everything that may be offensive to anyone? Do we just stop writing about what we are feeling if it is in any way negative? I really don’t want to do that. This is not a public forum. This is a place that LB and I created to express the many and varied feelings that this process is evoking.

I know that I have used this space to explore many issues I’ve faced, and that having this space has allowed me to express and let go of a lot of angst. Am hoping it will do the same today but not holding my breath. As for Lazyboo… when she is hurt or angry or upset she will very rarely express that in any way. She withdraws into herself. Case in point, I had no idea how upset she was about things until she wrote her post on Sunday. But this blog allows her to express things that she would usually bottle up or ignore. It allows her to explore those feelings and sometimes let them go.

Neither LB and I saw that post as an attack on R. But she clearly did. And we’re both so sorry for that. I think it’s a classic example of how two people view the same situation in a completely different way. That sometimes feelings are evoked by something or someone that had no intention of doing so. And that goes for both the original incident and the blogging about it.

As I have already said, this is a highly sensitive issue for us. We are bound to see it everywhere, and obviously sometimes see it where it is not. That’s why we need to express these feelings, get them out and work through them.

The irony of this situation is that LB trusts so few people. And R is one of those few people who she has come to trust, who she has let in those incredibly high protective walls. That’s why she was so hurt by something she perceived (even though R didn’t intend it). If it had have been anyone else, it would have been water off a duck’s back. But now I fear that both of them have lost that trust. And I really fear what this will do to a friendship that has been dear to me for as long as I remember.

So the anniversary thing is on hold for now. We both feel too crappy. Hopefully this weekend we’ll feel like celebrating more.

Oh gosh. So sorry about all this. I know it is a stressful time. Hoping things get better, and people realize that this is your place to just express yourself…your feelings, your thoughts…and you shouldn’t have to censor anything, or owe anyone an apology, in my opinion. Many hugs to you!