10 Things Aladdin Unknowingly Taught ’90s Kids About Dating

Jun 22, 2017

We’re proud to announce that we’ve just reached an agreement with AMC Theaters to provide movie tickets at over 300 theaters around the United States through the DateCart app. Consider this right on time because we recently learned that Disney will be doing a live-action remake of Aladdin (1992) starring Will Smith as Genie. Most of us at DateCart were just learning how to walk circa 1992, so we decided to take a walk down memory lane and watch the animated classic. In addition to the bizarre fact that the late Robin Williams freestyled most of his lines in the film, (so much so that Disney announced that they had enough dialogue to release an Aladdin 4), we at DateCart found Aladdin filled with solid dating lessons that are still relevant today.

1. She likes you, but she loves her pets.

Walt Disney Pictures

9 times out of 10, the girl you like has a dog, a cat, or both who can absolutely do no wrong. Get used to pets, Aladdin made friends with Jasmine’s 500 lb. tiger, you can deal with a Shih Tzu.

2. Beware of her pouty face.

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Jazmine grew up filthy rich, and with that, she is accustomed to getting absolutely everything she wants. Not even the Sulton of Agrabah could hold back from changing royal law when Jasmine gave him those eyes. Be careful because she can get you too, she’s had years of practice on her dad.

3. Her dad has his ideal match.

Walt Disney Pictures

Her dad will never think anyone is good enough for his princess. But when he does, he’s much richer, taller, and has a better beard than you. He may or may not practice sorcery.

4. Nothing boosts his confidence like a new fit.

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My man Ali Ababwa is dripping in sauce after he uses his first wish to become a prince. Feather in hat with a fly ass cape, he now believes he can march right to the palace ask out Princess Jasmine. Never underestimate the magic powers guys think they have after they’ve put on their new shirt.

5. Pop some bands.

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Throwing money aimlessly in the streets is never a good idea no matter how you look at it. By this time Aladdin is uber-rich, but showing off like this never attracts the right type of woman. After Aladdin hits the scene with 75 golden camels, we see in just a couple of frames later Jasmine returns to her palace room in disgust.

6. Tell her the truth.

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The charade is up, Prince Ali is having to tell new lies to cover his old lies. Just be honest, this makes things easier for everyone.

7. Take her for a ride in your whip — also, have a whip.

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Who can really turn down a magic carpet ride? Now we know in some cities you don’t need a car, but damn it does feel good to pull up in something shiny.

8. Keep your crib clean.

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Aladdin, still in street rat form, brings Jasmine to his crib. Don’t get me wrong, his place is still piss poor, but at least he has curtains. Come on guys, at least get curtains.

9. Go in for the kiss.

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A lot of women won’t initiate the first, kiss. We go for it every time on the first date.

10. His boys always tell him he’s right.

Walt Disney Pictures

Ladies, you should know this already, but anytime he decides to get advice from his friends, his boys are on his side almost every time; even if he is wrong.