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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A select few of you have virtually met Anne-Marie, my Wrecksistant-Extraordinaire. Since I technically still have a "day job", she helps me and John with comment moderation and handles the bulk of the e-mailed submissions, in addition to having a full-time job of her own. Anne-Marie is one of those rare individuals who is hysterically funny both in writing AND in person, which I know first-hand 'cuz she's also my sister-in-law. (Yeah, I'm lucky like that.)

I realized recently that I was greatly under utilizing Anne-Marie's powers for good when she reduced me to helpless giggles with an e-mail extolling the virtues of actually turning the oven ON when cooking a Christmas ham. It was then that I knew hers was a talent that must be shared. So, without further ado, I give you: Anne-Marie! Take it, Ree!

With the college football Bowl Championship Series behind us, and the Super Bowl looming ahead, the nation's bakeries are hard at work, providing us with an overabundance of sporty buttercreaminess.

Clancy R. shows us what happens when bakers with too much time on their hands play a game of WreckeratorPictionary...

Sheldon: "It's a Dutch Oven!"

Walter: "No, you guys... wait, lemme write something on it..."

The other team: "Whoa! You can't write anything - just draw!"

Walter: "Too late... any guesses?"

Sheldon: "Uhh, a Dutch Oven full of sugar?"

Walter: [facepalm]

Amy G. found this gem:

Quick!

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the OklahomaSooners?

Time's up!

How many of you thought of a disembodied torso in a full-coverage 42 DD Playtex Eighteen-Hour Bra?

Nobody?

And finally, the Steelers were playing the day this was made, hence the black and yellow:

It is supposed to be read as “Go D-fence” (as in ‘go defense’ – see the little fence after it?), but to me and alert Wreckporter Noelle C, it says only one thing:

The Almighty is a Steelers fan.

Many thanks to Anne-Marie for pulling up the slack in the sports arena here on Wrecks. (Yep, she actually had to tell me it was football season.) Y'all be nice to her, now, or else your e-mails just may never see the light of day.

Ugh! Sugar Bowl...srsly.I'm still lost on the torso for the Sooners...BUT, one thing I do know for sure, is that if God is a football fan, He's definately backing the Steelers! Go STEELERS!!! (and any Steeler fan would be able to read that inscription, wrecky as it is, without pause or thought to what the wreckorater actually meant. Go D#!!!

"It's a dutch oven full of sugar!" *dies laughing* A sudden and horrific reminder of why I never play Pictionary.And when I think of the Sooners I always think of lingerie because...well... *drawing a blank*Moving on then. I'm definitely seeing the God thing there. And I'd love to make jokes about him being in on the fantasy football rankings with Buddha, Allah and company but I have a feeling I'll get flamed.

Actually I was just excited that I knew the Sooners were a football team. Maybe it's a disembodied Sooners cheerleader and the cake is actually for the other team who plans to rip the Sooners (and cheerleaders) to shreds. Just a thought though.

Great Job, Anne-Marie!I see that the tag for this post is "Beyond Bizarre" and I fully and totally agree with that. Wow. I love all the blank space above the sugar dutch oven. The Sooners' cake is just, ah, well, [trying to think of something to describe it]--Oh nuts, I give up on that one. Go D-fence sounds like something my horses would say when they would rather be on the other side of d-fence.Since I have started reading this blog, I have been looking at the cakes at the stores I shop at. I never have looked at decorated cakes because I can't stand to eat them--way too much sugar frosting on top of a way too sweet cake that is otherwise blah in taste. It is good to know that while these cakes are inedible to me, they do provide humor.

Like someone said- the "D-(fence)" image is a pretty well known one here in Steeltown, so I wouldn't necessarily make it a wreck because of that- it's a "visual colloquialism" if you will. HOWEVER... that does not excuse the vertical placement wonkiness, nor the randomly splooged drool-y looking dark stuff over the yellow border. That's actually the first thing I noticed and assumed was the wreckiness. Nothing says "yummy treat" to me like yellow stuff with dark brown ooze.

Here's a CRAZY idea for football season - how about a FOOTBALL-shaped cake? Maybe they couldn't differentiate them from the Thanksgiving turkey wrecks, but at least a football cake would be better than these disasters!

Ha! I give you props for the Big Bang Theory reference!! And that was hilarious, by the way... I totally pictured Sheldon saying "A Dutch oven full of sugar?" and explaining that he couldn't possibly guess sugar bowl because it looks nothing like a sugar bowl and re-drawing it himself and everyone looking at him like they hate him... which they probably do...

sugar dutch oven= hilarious.And I hate to say it, but I totally want that Steelers cake. I'm guessing its from Giant Eagle or Wal-mart. Better yet, I might make my own. I'll send in photos if I do. Let's go D!I've also seen Steelers fans in the stands holding up a capital letter D and an cardboard section of fence. Actually, someone (if not already) should bring an actual piece of fence to the game, if allowed. or not.Freekin' classic.

The Steelers are the best team ever. EVER. Also, I bet that cake was sold in Giant Eagle... but my local one usually never has wrecks. But I say that a cake that supports the Steelers can't be a wreck, because, as that cake shows, God supports us. GO D#!!!

I really didn't get the "Sugar Bowl" one but I am not sports inclined. Though I am creeped out by the belly button on the Sooners cake, it looks like it is talking to me and I keep thinking of Seinfeld.

The next time I'm having a good ol' time with the Coors (yes, I said Coors!) and football at home I'm gonna visit this site. No longer is it only for M - F 9-5...I cannot even imagine how much I'll laugh when I'm drunk!

OU = Oklahoma University? Maybe? Weird, when I first looked at it, I couldn't figure out why anyone would want a female torso cake, never mind the leaky breasts!God#...I thought they had made a typo and scratched it out.

A while back someone brought to Cake Wrecks attenton that a supermarket in NJ refused to make a cake for little Adolf Hitler and his sibling(s). This news story states that the three children have been removed from their home http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/01/13/2009-01-13_report_child_named_adolf_hitler_removed_.html. I think we all got what we were hoping for.

I agree with someone else - it's probably supposed to be a cheerleader. (Though the college cheerleaders I've seen aren't that busty, probably because skinny, athletic, and light go better with the kind of acrobatics college cheerleaders do.)

I may have to differ on the Almighty's football team. Strictly in an academic sense, though - I don't care about pro football at all. But it has been said that the reason why Texas Stadium has a hole in the roof is so that God can watch his team play.

Great job bringing sport to the cake masses. I am a huge Eagles fan and got a huge kick of the wreck you guys posted of the split Eeyore/Eagles cake. That is usually how I feel about the team, but not this year, oh no! We are going to the big game! Hopefully... If the Eagles lose next week, I would be tickled to see the cake reposted as a love song to all us fans. Headline: When you remember to take your Prozac half way through decorating your cake.

I get the idea behind the Sugar Bowl cake, but its execution leaves much to be desired.

And while I got what the D-FENCE cake was saying (huge football fan here), I also read it as Yo, D at first. Plus, I have to say that the D-fence trickery is not unique to Pittsburgh. Practically every team in the NFL (and some in college) have fans who bring their Ds and fence pieces into the stadium for their "DEFENSE" cheers.

I have no idea what Oklahoma and the Sooners have to do with beheaded girls in bikinis, though. That's a head scratcher for sure.

I realized recently that I was greatly under utilizing Anne-Marie's powers for good when she reduced me to helpless giggles with an e-mail extolling the virtues of actually turning the oven ON when cooking a Christmas ham.---Ah, adventures in cooking ham for Chirstmas. Reminds me of the year that my mom and I puzzled over how many "layers" to peel off the ham before sticking it in the oven. There was an obvious paper wrapping, then a plastic wrap...then we weren't sure if we hit skin or another covering that should be removed before cooking. We didn't cook much ham in our household.

I've traveled here before, and stand in awe and amazement that there are that many troubled cake decorators out there, that you could dedicate an entire well-followed blog to it! Funny.ou ou steelers! (huh?)

This is completely unrelated to these cakes, but I just read something that I think you will be interested in.

"HOLLAND TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Three New Jersey siblings whose names have Nazi connotations have been placed in the custody of the state, police said Wednesday.

Holland Township Police Sgt. John Harris said workers from the state Division of Youth and Family Services removed 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell and his younger sisters, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, from their home Tuesday."

That's right, the crazy parents who named their kids Adolf Hitler and Aryan Nation lost custody of them. You can read it for yourself here:http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28655143/?GT1=43001

I actually really appreciate the Sooners cake. Clearly this is a new mother. See the wrinkly tummy on her? I have a 3-year-old and a 9-month old, and for a minute I thought I was looking at my stomach. And of course, the breasts, which are clearly engorged with nature's perfect food, breastmilk.

It's really a touching cake. I'm crying a little bit as I meditate on the beauty of motherhood.

Thanks for the explanation on cake 3, because I couldn't figure out what Godfence meant (guess I'm just a wee bit too literal). The torso thing...just weird. Welcome Anne-Marie, and well done! Wreckage humor makes my day much more livable.

Our Father,Who art in Pittsburgh,Football be thy game.Thy kingdom come,Five Super Bowls won,On Earth as it is in Heinz Field.Give us this day a playoff Victory,And forgive us our penalties,As we defeat those who play against us.But lead us on to victory,And deliver us on to Tampa!For thine is the offense,And the defense,And the special teams,Forever.A-Ben.

Ah! I just *know* that OU cake was going to be a baby shower cake until someone got the memo, "Pregnant Torso = Wreck." Rather than waste the cake, they knocked the bump off and tried something different. Oh well. Recycling doesn't always pay.

For those wondering what the "things" on the torso's boobs are: http://cgi.ebay.com/Oklahoma-Sooners-Bikini-Top-NWT-Red-Medium_W0QQitemZ200265947150QQcmdZViewItem (and matching bottoms! http://cgi.ebay.com/Oklahoma-Sooners-Bikini-Bottom-NWT-Red-Large_W0QQitemZ200265947188QQcmdZViewItem )

I had the misfortune of living in Cleveland when the Browns came back (they'd only been gone HOW long? Jeez, people, chill) and then moved to Indiana, a very sports-heavy state. I wonder what kind of wrecks I could find in the stores here.

Does Cake #2 mean that somewhere a company mass-produces torso cakes for grocery stores???

And I much prefer whipped icing to buttercream--I worked in a store bakery for two years and never want to see buttercream AGAIN. Also it's lighter and much less cloying.

WV: exual, which I think is the name for something leaking from a cake's breasts?

I want to say the "GoD" cake is the worst one here...but I'm not so sure about that statement. Because...well...the bikini sooners cake is nothing but confusing. Maybe it made sense to the recipient though? Geez.

Living as I do in football-obsessed Norman, Oklahoma. I can tell you that there are plenty of OU fans who would not at all mind the full-coverage or the lack of brain. But will gladly drool over any girl with 42DD who also loves football.

How sad that these horribly common inverted priorities have now been immortalized in sugar.

At least it's been a little redeemed by making it on the blog. It certainly qualifies!!

It's INSPIRED!!!Truly!!!Here's the idea: I get me one of those TORSO cakes, see?Then, I cook up a batch of seafood appetizers, throw some beachy-type decorations around (empty beer cans, etc.), invite some people over, and ((Ta-DAHHHH!!!)):JAWS movies marathon!!!Oh, yeah--the best part: I take a handful of cooked white rice and toss it on the torso cake--for effect--and add a seaweed salad.Roll 'em!

ok so I was thinking maybe the person with the OU cake was thinking sooner closer to a nooner??? ok maybe not.... I personally was trying to figure out the Star Wars thing with the fence. Then I read it and was like huh? Reread it. Nope still saw Yod and a fence. hmmmm If Jenn and Anne-Marie says it says God then I am ok with it.

You know? I have to realign my brain cells when I come to this AB-FAB site. It takes above-average (waaaay above, sometimes) thinking to distinguish what my eyes are seeing here. This has become my favorite blog EVER! Kudos to everyone! And btw, what's a God Fence? Har!

And BTW, for that other commenter, those are not nipple rings (ewwww....I hate even typing that), the (ahem) breast "decorations" are the OU logo for Oklahoma University ---or University of Oklahoma...? Don't know, and don't really care, since THEY LOST bwaahahahahahaha! to Florida.

Yes, OU is for University of Oklahoma.(my state) I thought MAYBE it was a swimsuit b/c they went to Florida, you know, where its sunny?! Im a die-hard Oklahoma State fan, so it really didn't upset me that OU lost. Oh well. That was pretty disgusting and since I know a lot of die hard OU fans, I doubt any one of them would buy that cake. Well, maybe there are one or two, but ewww, GROSS

As for the Steelers cake, I thought the thing on the end was something being built by a beaver. The message I see is "God dam", as in, "God damn, the Steelers got in the playoffs again." ;-)I'm from Cincinnati

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand - some of us who went to OU actually retained a sense of humor. BTW, previous anonymous, "Sooners" is the name of the teams, not the mascot. The mascot, at least when I was there, was a dinky little nameless covered wagon, though there seemed to be a move to replace it with a football helmet with feet. And yes, the interlocking O and U is the official logo. Way back when, the admin tried to replace it with a white ("cream") U superimposed over the bottom half of a red ("crimson") O, or maybe it was the other way around. It was fantastically fugly and was promptly dubbed "The Toilet Seat Logo." That was the end of that.

The bra looks my size, but the only piece of OU gear I bought in my six years there was three enormous scratch 'n' sniff banana T-shirts on clearance at the bookstore.

P.S. To this day no one knows why "University of Oklahoma" is abbreviated "OU". Well, maybe the guys with the bazookas (I have thankfully forgotten what they call themselves), revealed to new recruits at the dead of night by the Duck Pond after the final hazing.

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