Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

The Silver Surfer comes to Earth to prepare it for destruction in the latest installment of the "Fantastic Four" franchise.Credit
WETA/20th Century Fox

Given that the finest special effects in this crashing bore are Jessica Alba's pillowy lips, which look as if they could save lives in a 175-mile-an-hour car crash, it's no wonder some viewers might find themselves wishing that the promised end of the world might happen a bit sooner. At least there would be some bounce to go along with the big bang. Woe unto the impatient: it takes well over an hour before Armageddon comes knock, knock, knocking on the door to this particular hell, by which time the guy with the director's credit, Tim Story, has shown that he checked out the latest Superman movie before slapping together this amalgam of recycled ideas, dead air, dumb quips, casual sexism and pseudoscientific mumbo jumbo.

This existentially and aesthetically unnecessary sequel to the equally irrelevant if depressingly successful "Fantastic Four" reunites Ms. Alba's Sue Storm, a k a the Invisible Woman, with the insinuatingly rubbery Reed Richards, a k a Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd); the flaming Johnny Storm, a k a the Human Torch (Chris Evans); and that grumpy pile of rocks, Ben Grimm, otherwise known as the Thing (Michael Chiklis). Also collecting a paycheck (hello, new vacation home!) are Andre Braugher as an Army general with an expiration date stamped on his forehead and Laurence Fishburne, who voices the Silver Surfer, a sleek number that looks like a hood ornament and drops wisdom about the impending doom. Because he's anatomically correct save in one crucial regard, this dude clearly knows from personal catastrophe.

Directed by Tim Story; written by Don Payne and Mark Frost, based on a story by John Turman and Mr. Frost and the Marvel comic book by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby; director of photography, Larry Blanford; edited by William Hoy and Peter S. Elliot; music by John Ottman; production designer, Kirk M. Petruccelli; produced by Bernd Eichinger, Avi Arad and Ralph Winter; released by 20th Century Fox. Running time: 95 minutes.