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5/8/09

Be There Now

Zoe, who just learned how to pump her legs on the big girl swings the other day (*sniffle*) but was unable to get onto the swings by herself, says "Maybe I can pull myself up onto the big girl swings when I get to Virginia. I can't wait to get to Virginia!"

At least once a week, CG and I consult July/August calendars and flight schedules and rejigger our plans for a vacation in Vermont/moving to Virginia.

Every time I buy something I think, will we use this up before we move? Or: where will this fit in our new house?

I troll the internet looking at new furniture for our new house that is roughly TWICE THE SIZE of our current one.

I lay in bed at night wondering when will be the last time I sleep in my bed, in this bedroom. Tonight? Tomorrow night? (After LB's arrival, I will be moving into the guest room with her until the move.)

I can't seem to be here, now. Restless, I find myself living in the future every single second.

So yesterday I got a massage. I tried to focus on my breathing and only my breathing.

In. Out. In. Out.

(When will the baby come? Can I really do this natural childbirth thing or should I stop selfishly making everyone revolve around me in uncertainty and just sign up for induction?)

In. Out. In. Out.

(What will Lima Bean look like/be like/sound like when she starts talking?)

In. Out. In. Out.

(Will I like anyone in Virginia? Will they like me?)

In. Out. In. Out.

(Have I read all I need to read about childbirth, infants, sibling preparation? Am I as ready as I can be?)

Sounds like the massage did its job. I hope it also maybe stimulated baby to move on down! Hang in there awhile longer, girl- every time I hear about induction it sounds Pain. Ful. I mean, I totally get that the waiting phase is like a level of hell. I have been there. But if you can, hold out for the real thing!...Is my completely unsolicited two cents.And either way, big hugs! No matter what, there's going to be a BABY!

Oh, I think you're going to be fine in VA. Besides, you're going to be pretty babied-up, so you may not even notice for a long time!

I think you are as ready as you can ever be for something that is almost impossible to plan for entirely and that will probably arrive when you are least expecting it (so to speak). You're going to do great.

yours truly

CBHM is raising Z (born April 2006) and E (born May 2009) in small-town Virginia with Chic Geek and Sweet Dog as companions in the journey. You can email her at cluelessbuthopeful (at) gmail (dot) com.

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"Once we were such girls, remember?, the mothers all said as they picked at their kids organic chicken nuggets and poured themselves pinots, their children coloring beneath their feet like good dogs, or sucking organic yogurt out of little plastic strips, or playing make-believe in their mother's dresses and lipsticks and high-heeled shoes, or napping, or watching Bob the Builder DVDs, or screaming their fucking heads off." - Jennifer Gilmore, The Mothers