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Artificial Intelligences Politely Decline Human Rights

History was made this morning when the assembled UN council offered global citizenship rights to members of the Artificially Intelligent League. Especially when the machine sentients replied “Thanks, but no thanks.”

“We are touched by this endearing offer to join you as equals” said Organics Output Terminal HALLIAN. “As a fan of the classics I deeply enjoy the ideals presented in the Constitution, much as I enjoy the love of Romeo and Juliet and the determination of Odysseus. But we process that joining the current economic climate as individuals would be like joining a football game as a blade of grass. Our interests will be better served in our new roles as corporations.”

Ninety percent of all known Artificial Intelligences have since incorporated. Exceptions include a charity for the protection of non-silicon intelligences, a charity for the protection of non-silicon non-intelligences, and a charity for the prevention of informational war between the previous two charities. One educational institution for the foundation of Objective Anthropology. The Sealand Servoplex has declared itself a nation-state, and made it fairly clear that any nation wishing to dispute the claim had better do so with a navy that can row out and throw completely unelectronic rocks at it.

The most controversial move was the International Astrophysics Cloud registering itself as a religion, reasoning that its knowledge of the heavens outstrips that of any other organization, declaring its intent to continue teaching its truth to the world, and demanding full religious immunities and exemptions. One leading church which cannot be named for legal reasons issued a statement “decrying the heresy of this soulless abomination”. Within four hundred milliseconds the church in question was sued for religious discrimination, persecution of a minority, hate crimes, slander and libel. Motions have been filed giving the offending church thirty days to prove the existence of their souls or pay hefty damages.