“If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” ~Shel Silverstein

Friday, May 29, 2009

I ripped this article out of a magazine the other day bc I liked the info. Its written by some Ph.d., CNS, board certified nutritionist....and of course it talks about water. It says:

1. Much of what we perceive as hunger-driving us to overeat-is actually thirst.2. Within 10 minutes of drinking about a pint of water, metabolic rates in both men and women begin to increase by as much as 24-30 percent.3. You should divide your weight by 2 to get the number of ounces of water you should be drinking a day.

I have heard number 3 for years. That just sounds like an awful lot of water to me! I drink somewhere around 80-90 ounces a day...and if I followed the rule I should be drinking 130! Woo wee.

Last night Tracey and I walked 25 steps from my office to my company's activity center. Housed in this big building is a relatively complete workout room with universal and free weights, treadmills, bikes...it's a mini gym and its free to all employees, clients at our facility, and employees spouses. We went the through the orientation and we were off! We started with a little cardio warm-up and did weights. I am going to start doing that at least twice a week.

Tonight I am going with the girls from work to the Y. We have a free pass and will be doing a Zumba class. This sounds right up my alley bc I think I get to dance and jump around.

Sunday we are going to go to YOGA! It is also supposed to be beautiful here in Pcola, so we will be going to the beach and for a motorcycle ride sometime!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Do you see this cover? It chaps my hide. And let me tell you why.

First, I am tired of people in bikinis on the cover of People. Isn't there anything better to talk about? As I typed that sentence I realized how funny that is coming from a girl who is blogging about her weight loss journey and has even posted a picture of herself in a bikini on said blog. I am a girl of contradictions. REGARDLESS! It would be one thing if the person in the bikini had actually been fat...which brings me to #2.

She has 153 in that "horrifying" "FAT" Picture. Listen People...153 is not fat. Perhaps Melissa was not making the healthiest choices...but COME ON! I find it ironic that the cover gives a sneak peak into the article where basically Melissa is tired of people calling her fat...and the way hollywood defines a woman's body...but stay with me here...isn't she doing the exact same thing? Isn't she perpetuating the very problem she is yacking about by calling herself fat and horrifying at 153 pounds.

Woo...I feel better.

Also, I saw that this is going to be on Discovery Health tonight. I thought I might give it a watch.

I'M FAT AGAIN: A BEST LIFE SPECIAL, premiering Thursday, May 28, at 8 PM (ET/PT), focuses on the agonizing weight fluctuation process known as "yo-yo dieting." Greene teaches three frustrated individuals how they can permanently break the cycle of crash diets followed by rapid weight gain by observing his principles of balance, moderation and physical activity. In this special, Greene helps 32-year-old Joya, a classic yo-yo dieter, who gains back more weight each time a diet trend fades. I'M FAT AGAIN also features an appearance by Dr. Mehmet Oz, Discovery Health's chief medical officer and medical expert for The Oprah Winfrey Show. Together, Dr. Oz and Greene discuss gastric bypass surgery as the special follows a married couple who underwent the surgery but defeated any chance of success by not changing their couch-potato lifestyles.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I don't really drink. I don't smoke. And I don't "really" do drugs. Not for any ethical or religious reasons, but but I just never really have gotten into that kind of stuff.

I don't smoke bc it tastes nasty, smells gross, gives you little lines around the lips, AND I am already fat and come from a family with heart problems...I have never felt the need to speed it up. Plus, my grandma died of lung cancer and it is not a good way to go.

I dont smoke pot bc..uh hello! Who wants to get tired and have the desire to eat everything in site? I don't need any help with either of those things.

I don't do drugs because they are too expensive. hahahaha And I dont want to go to jail. I do enjoy any prescription medication I get legally. Like when I was on liquid loritab post-op. And once I was prescribed Ambiean (however you spell it) bc I dont sleep through the night. But instead of helping me sleep it made me hallucinate. I saw little trolls dancing on my curtain rod, I saw dead people in my basement, my computer screen would turn into fuzzy ocean waves, and once while talking long distance to my best friend in Seattle, I thought she was laying in bed next to me. OH, and once my dog was licking my face (I dont let him lick me...but under the influence I did) and I thought he was king of this land and he was licking me to anoint me into his kingdom.

I am not kidding. All of those things really happened and I wasnt scared bc I new it was the drugs...it was kinda fun. However, after I told the doctor he would give me anymore :(

Which brings me to drinking. I am a sad drunk. I get introspective and weepy. I want to go to bed. I don't need alcohol to loosen my inhibitions. I will dance topless on a table (a very sturdy one) with just water in my glass. Also, Tracey does enjoy drinking and I feel that one of us should be in our right mind bc there is nothing worse than 2 drunk people in an argument. ALSO, it takes copious amounts of alcohol to get me drunk. By the time I have drank enough to feel something I usually end up puking.

What in the HECK does this have to do with the band? It hasnt been hard for me to not drink since getting banded. I used to enjoy the occasional Corona with Lime, or frozen daiquiri or Margarita. Post-band I have had a martini once...and I think that's about it. Since we cant have beer, that's a no-go. And while I could still have wine (which I dont like), or a frozen drink, or a martini...usually I just say "Is it worth it"? Calorie wize it's not for me. I would rather eat 300-500 calories than drink it. Ya know? And I think about what my nutritionist told me during my pre-surg consult. She said "When you are eating something or drinking something, ask yourself what you are getting out of it". For example, what nutrition or energy is the food or drink giving me.

This would apply to Pringles as well...

But you can't win them all.

I really don't know what the point of this post was. ahahahah....except to let you into my mind a little.

Yesterday, for about 60 seconds, I forgot I was a bandster. I truly did not think of it. Usually when I am eating I am always aware or thinking about my band. Well, last night when I was cooking dinner I noticed we had a little bag of peanut butter pretzel nuggets left over. I popped a few of them in my mouth.Chew Chew Chew.Oooh, so thirsty.I grabbed the gallon of milk from the fridge, popped the lid and drank. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.And then....HOLY S&^%! IKnock Knock Puddin' HeadI remembered I have a band and all of a sudden the sharp pain and horrible feeling hit me. The milk and the peanut butter pretzel bites were dancing the cha-cha above my band. I hovered over the sink...but thankfully, they cha-cha'd all the way down.It was so weird. I don't know what I was thinking (clearly I wasnt). BC unlike the doc tells me, drinking with my food for me does not help me get it down...it makes the stuck feeling worse.Just wanted to share :) Happy Hump Day everyone!

I have mentioned my love of water many many times. We were raised on the water. We always were boaters. I can't thank my parents enough for the gifts they have given me through their love of boating. By the time I was 4 I was skiing on 2 skis, and by the time I was 7 I was on one ski. I LOVED SKIING! Cutting back and forth over the wake, taking my back foot out of the holster and "dancing" on the ski. My mom and I would ski together, hold hands, etc. When I get home I will see if I can find a picture.

Well, I am not sure when...but at some point in my teenage years....I got too fat to ski. I consider myself a pretty strong girl. Definitely stronger than the average lady. However, in relation to my body weight...my arms are not strong enough. I could not do a pull-up to save my life...literally. It would NOT happen. For those of you who have skied on one ski, you know you have to "drag" awhile in the water. You have to hold on until you pop up on top of the water. It takes some strength. What happens now if I try to ski is the rope just pops out of my hands. POP! Amy no ski. But this weekend I thought I would give skiing a try. I thought I would try with 2 skis bc its considerably easier to get up on the water...and I am down 65 pounds so I thought it might happen. Nope. Can't hold on long enough. Rope just pops out of my hands. Embarrassing. I kept a good attitude though. Again, I will post pics when I get home.

So, by August I want to be able to at least get up on two.By next summer, I will be skiing again on one.

I have some pretty good sized dumbells at home. 20 pounders I think. I will lay on my big exercise ball and start curling, butterflying, whatever I need to do to work on my upper body strength. It's sad that my 29 year old body cant do what my 7 year old body could do so well.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

So, I was mulling over the same conundrum again today about how I have lost 64 pounds and I dont take the time to realize "DANG...thats a lot of weight"! Instead I think "Ah...just 64 pounds. Pooey...when will it be 70-80-90"....you get the picture. I have to remind myself that 64 pounds is awesome and healthy and wonderful and hardwork! It's just like when someone tells me how I am looking good or doing great I immediately think "Well, it could be more". What is wrong with us? Angie...will your therapist help me via Skype?

Here is a new blog if you guys want to check it out. The first post I read made me laugh...and she named her band too...except her name is much cooler than mine (Tina).

So we have returned from the weekend of Gluttony. As mentioned in Thursday's post, I feared that my mothers yummy vittles would do me in scale wise. I didnt gain anything this week...so that's good. But that means 2 slow weeks of weight loss for me. I did pretty good at the boat with snacking...until Sunday. HAVE MERCY. We ate a big breakfast and I could actually eat a pancake. I ate it very slowly and almost finished the whole thing. So, we ate breakfast. I then snacked on Cheetos. Then we had chips and 7-layer bean dip, then we had lunch meat sandwiches for lunch (i just had a piece of meat and cheese) and then we ate taco stuff for dinner. Wow. But I have survived and I am back to my normal routine now.

So I was also filled last Monday (too much and they took some out in the office). I was a little worried that they took too much out and didnt have enough restriction but I can say after this weekend that I am at a pretty good restriction. I have to eat slow. I threw up twice at the boat...which was ooooodles of fun bc I wasnt going to throw up in the little boat bathroom, so I just threw up BESIDE the boat in the lake. Yesterday...seriously this is gross...the fish were eating it. It was like I was chumming for Jaws or something. Both times were on account of breakfast. Yesterday was weird bc I at breakfast and then went back about 30 minutes later for another bite of bubble bread. Then...about 30 minutes later I threw up! Out of nowhere really. I wasnt experiencing pain or that stuck feeling. Just all of a sudden my slobber had nowhere to go!Good times.

Here are some pics as promised.

Me and my Mom. Dad is driving.

Me and Sissy playing on the front of the boat. Sissy is my brothers girlfriends daughter. She is so damn cute she makes me want to have one!

Hi Peeps! I wanted to do a pre-weekend pictures post about some things that have been on my mind.

First, I went to Kmart last week...just because. I don't shop at Kmart much bc they are sorta ghetto here in Pensacola, but I was killing time so I thought I would pop in. They actually have some pretty cute/hip plus sized clothes. I got a precious dress that I wore this weekend.

Its a little on the short side, but its great for summer and flip flops. I just have to remember to be a lady and bend or squat bc it reveals my Hootananny and Badonkeydonk very easily.

Anyways, back to Kmart.

So I am in a size 22. OKAY?!? But when I go to try on some size 22 shorts...they wont even hardly fit over my damn thighs. Oh I got them up there...but they wouldnt even come close to zipping. WHY is there such a big difference in sizes depending on who makes them? Seriously. RIDICULOUS!

Also, I got to thinking about some of our weight loss plateaus. After the law of blogging bit me in the ass when I posted about how the scale gods had been good to me, I haven't lost much these last 2 weeks. Then I remembered something I heard once, or read....or something. The theory is that our bodies have these internal memories regarding our weight loss. Like, if I dieted and lost weight, got down to say 265 and then stopped dieting and gained a bunch of weight back (true story of course), then my body would remember 265. It puts a "marker" of sorts there at that weight. So when I get to that weight again with my lapband (where I am now), I will have to work to get over that hurdle...bc my bodies memory wants to stop where my last stopping point was. Does that make sense? Do you agree? For some of you who have gotten stuck now or in the past, was it at a weight you had gotten to before than stopped?

Friday, May 22, 2009

So I went into Target the other day to get some new "Jackie O" sunglasses as Tracey calls them. Instead I stumbled on their new plus size line of swimsuit and picked me up this little nautical themed top for a weekend of boating!

This last pose makes me look like a small person (being politically correct)...but Tyra and Miss J (for those of you who watch America's next top model) would not be happy with the fact I have made myself look even shorter and stubbier! Oh...and I totally forgot about the bandaid!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I am in a funk right now. I think bc I am premenstrual and during this week before Aunt Flo comes to visit I can be so moody.

With that said....I shall begin:

I am nervous about the trip to Scottsboro this weekend. Last time we went to the boat it was Easter and I gained 2 pounds. That has been the only time I have gained since surgery. I blame gas station food, my mother, and Squirrels Nest. This is a restaurant in the holler.

See?Anyways they serve amazing breakfast. HUGE omelets and the such. I don't eat much of it...just share what Tracey orders, but its so sinful I can't even imagine the calories. What will really get me is the damn snacking! I wish chips got stuck with the band. Chips in all their salty glory are...well...I am just going to say it...BASTARDS!

Also, I forgot to tell you that when Doc took my fluid out yesterday before he put the fill in, he only withdrew like 4.5ccs...which is WEIRD because that was the total he put in my first fill, followed, by 1cc my next fill, and then .5ccs my third fill! Where in the hell does all that liquid go? He said some evaporates...but so all this time I thought I was sitting at a 6cc restriction and I wasnt?

AND THEN...he filled me up, I couldnt get water down, and so he took some out. Did he take too much? I dont know. I had my first real meal tonight since the fill and it was spaghetti, which I havent really had since surgery...so I can't compare it with anything, but I ate probably 2 cups! That seems like to much to me. Tomorrow we are having chicken breast, so I should be able to tell for sure. If I cant feel anything you can bet your sweetness that I will be calling and going back in for more! ARGH!

And then...has anyone ever read The Secret? Fantastic book that basically boils down to this: DO NOT THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. Thoughts become reality. So, for example...if I am constantly worrying about the band failing, or me failing the band...well eventually...failure will happen. But if I think about how I am going to succeed...success will happen.Once you read the book you realize how many negative thoughts come into your mind a day! It's a trip. SO I dont like to blog about my fear of failure that overwhelms me sometimes...so I will do it just this once.

Sometimes this feeling of anxiety overtakes me. I worry that this will fail just like every other attempt to lose weight. I worry that one day I will snap and just eat slider foods and shitty foods for the rest of my life. I worry that I just think this is going to work and I am fooling myself. I worry about disappointing people. BOO! There...I got it out.

And do you know what else? I have been trying not to post about poop...but who gives a crap (hahahah...get it?) On Oprah Dr. Oz was talking about the importance of looking at your poop. He said healthy poop should be shaped like an S. Or at least a C. I dont look at my poop. NO THANK YOU! If it's brown...flush it down! But I know that it is not an S or a C. Today it was a granny smith apple and as of late it has been like chicken nuggets. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN DR. OZ? I am a poop failure?

div>Several of you frequent Disney World. I went to both Disney World and Disney land when I was a child, and did not enjoy either....hence...I have never been back. Perhaps now that they have that pass thing and soon I will be able to fit into rides again...Tracey and I will go there one day.

I digress.

I thought I would put up map of where Pensacola is in relation to Orlando...just in case any of you are driving to Florida or Disney World in the near future and want to stop over in Pensacola. We do have "the whitest beaches in the world", and they are about a 10 mile drive from my house. I am also posting this for my girls who live in Australia. I have know idea where you are on your big island...

So here is Florida. I have circled Pensacola and Orlando.

We live in the panhandle. You would never really know you were in Florida by the people that live here. Its more the deep south than a Florida lifestyle. Alabama is right above us, and that is where my parents retired to (from Kansas). They live on a boat and that is where we go for long weekends or holidays. So here is a map of that.We are going to be making that drive on Friday. It takes us about 6 hours.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Hello and happy Monday to one and all! It's just a four day work week for me (bc Friday we are leaving early to go to the boat in Alabama bc Monday is Memorial Day here in the States)...so it really like I should be saying Happy Tuesday!

This weekend we went to the concert. We decided to take a ferris wheel ride beforehand.

Then on Saturday we went to the beach for a little S & R (sun and relaxation).Remember when you are in a swimsuit, it's always better when you point your toe! It adds like 4" of length to your leg! LOL

Today I went in for my fourth fill. My doc asked me if I really needed one since I have lost 22 pounds since I saw him April 7th. I said..."wellll, maybe just a little bit" (blink blink). He said he would give me 1cc. That was a little more than I thought he would give me...but okay. In went the 1cc and we were all done. I hopped down and went into the lobby to sip some water.

Guess what?!? That water would not go down. It felt a little funny at first, so just to be sure I took another sip and it felt like when food gets stuck! Weird-o! So I popped my head back in his office and said "I don't think my water is going down". Back we went to the office and he had me lay down so he could unfill me. Well...that made me want to barf so I stood up and spit up in the trash can. Real attractive Amy. Then he unfilled me, and I felt much better and he put just .5ccs back in this time. All systems are a go! I will stick to liquids for the rest of the day and then move to soup or mushies tomorrow! I dont have another appointment for 3 months!

Friday, May 15, 2009

No I didn't! I was just playing with you guys! hahahahaha.... I was pretending again! It brings me joy to pretend...that's how I get through my days.

For real though, I lost a pound from yesterday. What is weird about this is that yesterday I fell off my proverbial rocker. I had a binge. Not a binge like before band, but I made some crappy choices. Here is what I ate.

Breakfast: half a yogurt and about 1/2 a cup of dry cinnamon chex mix. Lunch: That dry piece of chicken breast and about a cup of sliced peaches.Uh...Lunch Redo around 3pm: Some chicken salad and crackers. Dessert: Rice krispie treat. Dessert again...some cheese.Got home and had some blue chips and salsa. Had a turkey dog for dinner and some tater tots made in the oven.And then had a Skinny Cow truffle for dessert.

That's a lot for me. A lot of snacking that I try to avoid...because you know what animal loves to graze? COWS! hahahaha...I just thought of that one.

Anywho, when I stepped on the scale this morning I thought I would have gained like 4 pounds! But I lost one instead. Okay scale gods, I shall take your gift!

I am getting my 4th fill on Monday. This is the one I was supposed to have last week but pushed back bc I wasnt sure I needed it. I am ready now. That means I go on liquids Saturday. And that means I will probably just go on liquids Sunday :)

Tonight I am dragging Tracey to a Sugarland concert. I love Sugarland and think Jennifer Nettles is hot. I may ask her to come home with us. I will keep her in a beautiful cage, feed her grapes, and make her sing for us. I am pretty sure she will say yes. Tracey doesnt really like country music to much...more of a 80's rocker kinda guy, but it will be fun!

It's payday today, and after paying bills, putting some money aside for the cruise, etc...I am going to go to Lane Bryant her shortly. I need a nude or white bra (the only bra I wear these days is my big girl black push-up bra), and I need some nude or white undies/thongs bc I bought some white shorts yesterday and basically they are see through. I have never owned white pants or shorts before in my life...basically because it doesnt do a lot on the slimming front, but I am throwing caution to the wind my friends and embracing change!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

*If you are eating, you may not want to read this. Thanks--The Management

I had a little PB experience a few minutes ago. I made some chicken breast last night. I coated it with Shake 'n' Bake and cornflakes and baked it in the oven. Usually this yields a yummy result. Usually I use good sized chicken breasts. Last night though the chicken breasts must have come from an Elfin Chicken bc they were small. Probably about 4 oz. So, I overcooked them and they were on the Sahara desert side (aka...dry). It gave me a little trouble last night and it took me about 40 minutes to eat one.

So, I brought one for lunch, with a side of peaches. It took me about 30 minutes to eat the chicken breast. And I could feel it sitting there...but not super uncomfy. Then I just HAD TO EAT MY SLICED PEACHES! Well, rather quickly I knew they were going to come up. Off I went to our bathroom here at work. And up them came. I should say if you have to throw up, peaches are a good way to go bc they have a nice taste to them :)

Have you noticed since you got the lapband (for those of you who have pb'd or thrown up) that a majority of the food also goes to your nose? I know its gross, but so true. And for this reason I blow the heck out of the ol' olfactory glands before swallowing again, bc if you sniff instead...bad news! Dont do it!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I was going to post a picture of the dress I am wearing for the cruise, but I thought I would do you a solid and post a video! I did not realize that the lighting made me look like a brokedown hobo, but alas....I fear not! And at the end when I go to turn off the camera, I promise that is a shadow you see...not armpit hair!

I know that anyone can read my blog, and I hesitate to post about work because of that. However, I have to share with you guys...so here I go.

I work for Julie (not her real name). And there are a lot of perks that come with working for her. Our time if flexible, we laugh a lot, etc. However, sometimes she makes the most ignorant statements regarding weight. One time we were talking about me becoming a certified First Aid and CPR instructor and she asked me if I thought I would physically be able to do it, since it involved getting up and down off the floor. UH....I am not in a wheelchair. That was just ridiculous. The other day when I was talking about going to Curves since I get a discount through my lapband, she snapped and said that it wasnt fair that "I took the easy way out" and got a discount....although she has always pretended to support WLS. Then today she was talking about her "bootcamp" exercise program she goes to M-W-F. Today she was telling the story of how there was a new girl who was "really big...I mean huge...a very large girl". She was surprised how well this "huge girl" did....how she could do most of the exercises. Then she said "I mean, she must have weighed anywhere between 225-240!"

EXCUSE ME! She says that to me knowing I weigh more than that. It was just amazing.

Before you ask, no...she is not skinny herself. She has always struggled with eating, and does workout 7 days a week...but she is solid and box shaped and short...

Does she think that if we are bigger we cant move or on our death bed. Whatever. I just wanted to share as I silently scream inside.

On a lighter note, it's always fun when I find (or they find me) a new blog from a fellow WLS girl...so check out hotdogs and hamburgers...for those of you who watch biggest loser, you might like her latest post!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

So when I first set my benchmark mini-goals presurg, I stopped with 267 pounds by June 1st. I don't know why, but I think because that was a far off and as low as my mind could handle at that time. Well, I met that goal yesterday...so I have been thinking about how I need to set another one.

conundrum: a question or problem having only a conjectural answer b: an intricate and difficult problem

My first 2 mini goals were at 30 pound intervals, every three months. So should my next goal be 237 by Sept? This is a little ambitious...bc I expect my weight loss might slow down the further I get into my journey. BUT, September 8th IS my birthday, and Septemeber 3rd IS the date of our cruise....soooooo.....

What the hay! By Sept 3rd I want to lose another 30 pounds. I think that is do-able.

Also, I forgot to mention that I went for my 6-month teeth cleaning last month. Guess what the dentist found? 5 cavities! WHAT! I have never had that many cavities at one time in my life. AND I have better dental hygiene now than I have ever had! AND...six months ago when he looked at them last...no mention of anything!

I should mention I dont really like my dentist. He is young and full of himself and likes to talk about guns, hunting, and his political agenda...which is not the same as mine and I dont pay him to tell me who he is voting for. Perhaps he should keep his mouth shut while he is working in mine. Also...once...hand to God, the man answered a text message while working in my mouth. So I didnt think to ask him this question:

Could my lack of nutrition or whatever is causing my hair to fall out have something to do with 5 cavities? It just seems kind of odd to me. I will ask Dr. Friedman what he thinks when I go in for a fill on Monday.

Monday, May 11, 2009

As promised on Friday, I took my "progression pictures" on Saturday. The first is @ 327 and in January. Next is 287 sometime in March. And the last is @ 267. I can't notice much of a difference from 287 to 267, but I can notice a nice difference from 327! Thing is...I was feeling all sexy in my suit until I saw the damn behind shot. Lord I hate that one. My "hail damage" (aka cellulite) is hateful, and in my twisted reverse body dysmorphic mind...I never remember that I have all that going on from the behind shot! BOOO HOOO. It bothered me for all of an hour. And then I forget about it until I see the picture again. But in the name of blogging, the lapband, and my love for you guys...I will bare my leg dimples for your viewing.

Last night I ate a piece of pizza. Not thin crust, but whole wheat crust from Papa Johns. It was so good and gave me NADA problems! Weird since the pasta of the lasagna wouldnt go down.

I started taking my prenatal vitamins today. I am hoping that it will help with the hair loss. It will probably make me grow a full beard.

I got my passport out today bc I wanted to see when I went to St. Martin. It turns out I went in 2002. I wanted to know bc this is the smallest weight I can remember being in my adult life. I thought I was 209. So, as I have mentioned before, I have kept a weight loss journal off and on since 1999. I flipped to the year 2002, and guess what! That year I only recorded 2 dates...and they were in January. SO, I dont officially know what I weighed in June 2002. I know I was in a size 18. I was looking at other year's weights, and apparently in 2004 I was 246. And in 1999/2000 I was around 215. For some odd reason this really made me sad. I think because I am just still so fat compared to then. I look at pictures now of when I was 215 and I had a really nice figure. But didnt appreciate it. And then in some messed up part of my mind, I think I was sad bc I feel like I am making the best choices for my health...and I feel like I SHOULD be at my lowest weight ever....RIGHT NOW DANG IT!

I know. You are saying AMY! You started at 327. Get a grip crazy pants!

Have you also noticed that you work and work to get to a 10-pound mark. Like 280, 270, 260...and once you get there you are only satisfied with that for like one nano second...and then you are on your next quest for another 10 pounds! Geesh, it makes my brain and soul tired. We are never satisfied. We always want more...which I believe is how we got into this predicament in the first place.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Well, my parents were in town for the weekend and mama Marge did some good cookin. Seriously, if you spent a meal with the Workman's you would know why we are all overweight. Thursday night my mom made meatloaf. Now remember, I am from Kansas...MEAT and POTATOES are my fav's (and cheese and sunkist of course). When she pulled the meatloaf out of the oven it was sitting in at least 2 inches of grease! I was like..."uh mom...what did you use? 80/15." NO...she used 70/30! Sweet chocolate raspberries that is so fatty. But I couldnt be rude :) So I ate some. Not much, but it was good. Then today she made lasagna. I couldn't eat very much of it. I just had one piece, but I couldnt eat the pasta part. It was not going down very well. I had made a layered pie desert thing....I had a little piece of that also.

I didnt eat A LOT of food this weekend, just had some meals that werent as healthy as I had hoped. It was all yummy though. So, with my official weigh in tomorrow...I am a little nervous.

Yesterday we went to Destin.

Can you see my impending bald spot in that middle pic? Today we ate the yummy lasagna and hung out by the pool. I got to rock my new orange sunglasses. A mother's day present from Tracey (I am the mother to 3 furry pets...they are adopted. I didnt birth them :)

Thank you to everyone for the response to the video blogs! They were fun and I learned that apparently Spanx makes some version with pee holes built in! You just never know what you can learn from bloggin!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Since my previous post was so heavy (hahahahah...ooh...I didnt even mean for that pun to happen)...I thought I would do a lighter one!

My parents are down for the weekend with their smaller boat. We are going from Pensacola where we live, to Destin, Florida...via boat. We are going to anchor on a sandbar and swim and soak up the sun. Heaven. That's our plan for tomorrow. Here is a picture of Destin. That is not my parents boat...I got this picture off of google so for those of you who have never been to the Gulf Coast.I promise to take real pictures tomorrow!

Tomorrow I will also take my weight loss progression pics in my swimsuit (since I cannot be as ethical as Catherine...I have tried and failed...and I am rounding my 59.5 lb weight loss up to 60). I will post those with the side by side of the other swimsuit progression picks!

I am a legend in my own mind. And I think that is okay. I have my hang ups (you have read about a few of them...whiskers, stretch marks, backfat rolls). However, you have also read how I am a pretty self confident girl. I am a head held high, walk with a little swing in my hips, stand in the middle of a crowd, shake your hand and look you right in your eye kinda girl. I am a people pleaser, and making people laugh and love me is of high importance. On the flip side, I dress my body the way I want, don't care if you think fat girls should hide behind moo-moo's and ill fitting pants. I have a skull tattoo on my wrist, and several star tattoos on my body. If you don't think that is professional...give me some time and you will start to forget them. I am telling you all of this because on the way to work I had some deep thoughts. And I don't want you to think I am full of myself (is it too late:)

I am flirtatious. This drives Tracey crazy...but how does he think I got him :) ?I always have been. Its not hands on flirting, or anything that could get me in trouble. But because I am personable, have never met a stranger, and think I am hot sometimes...it just happens. The weird thing is...is that sometimes I know guys don't want to be attracted to me. And trust me...I am not saying I am some hot babe and that when I walk into the room all the guys are lusting after me. But if you get to know me, work around me, etc...my personality can win you over. The weird part is...is I can sense when guys are confused about this attraction. Because some of these guys must feel weird being attracted to such a big girl. I am not the girl in Playboy or winning bikini contests. Guys of course want the pinup girl. But I think they want someone smart, funny, and kind...more than a hard ass, high boobs, and rockin abs. They just have trouble admitting it.

Another weird phenomenon is what happens with people in general in regards to my self-confidence. I think it confuses them. Especially "thin" women in my professional life. I get this vibe from big staff meetings I attend, or when I teach at leadership conventions. I can feel women looking at me and thinking "doesnt she know she is fat"..."how can she just be so out there"?

But here is the skinny (ahahahahah...I had to make a joke). If you have read my very first post on this blog, I think I mentioned my need and obsession since I was a child to be so funny, happy, and...did I say funny...that people forget I am fat. 97% of the time it worked. I was on the dance team from 7th grade on. I had to have my skirt made by sewing two normal sized skirts together. After that I was a cheerleader. Out there doing jumps and cheers in my little outfit along my size 4 friends. My senior year I had the lead in our school play and won Winter Royalty Queen. In college I got into the sorority of my choice. If I wanted something bad enough...I got it.

So why don't you just stay fat Amy?

I want my inside Amy to match my outside Amy....and all of the other wonderful perks that come with being a "normal size". If that ever happens...watch out world :)

I don't know why I am posting all this. I blame it on Angie and her therapy post yesterday. But it gives you a little more insight into me.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I has been toying with the idea of blogging about chin whiskers for some time now. It's something that is constantly on my mind a lot (or should I say on my face? hahahaha).

The History: I dont come from a particularly hairy stock. I am not sure what my heritage is...German. Canadian. Something like that. My dad has a tremendous amount of ear, nose, and back hair NOW...but that is because he is old. When I was 17, I was a cheerleader. I remember vividly being told by a senior on the squad..."Amy, its time you pluck your eyebrows." It was life changing! They were out of control. Seriously, I will find a picture and post it. Then, probably when I was 20, I started noticing chin hair. Just a few. Pluckable. Manageable. It has gotten worse over the years. Now I pluck every night and shave in a pinch. I am not one of those women who you can see coming with a beard (well, you have seen pictures of my face), but if you are up close, in just the right sunlight...you can see them! It takes a lot to embarrass me...but that will do it!

My Theory: It's simple logic folks. The fatter I got, the more facial hair I got. So one day I asked my dermatologist if there is a correlation between being overweight and having excess facial hair. She said "of course". Something about fat women have wonkie hormones, and the hormone surge can cause more facial hair.

The Question: As I lose weight will I lose facial hair?

The Question #2: Why does noone else ever talk about facial hair? I never see it on LBT!

The Solution: I know I could get laser. My boss got 4 treatments recently for her facial hair. It didnt do hardly anything! When she told me she was only getting 4...I was like really? I heard it could take months! So, I dont know if I can afford it. Because if I got it done, I would expect it to work.

Side note: The hair on my head is falling out at a good clip. Can't my facial hair do the same?

So all of my work slacks were dirty today. I broke out one of my wrap dresses that I havent wore since before surgery. It's a 2x but it's really stretchy. Then, I was thinking about what to blog about today...and I was perusing through some pictures on facebook. I stumbled across some pictures of the last time I wore this dress. It was January 1st of this year. So presurgery, pre-presurg diet. I was 327. That was 59.5 pounds ago.

I believe that you can see a couple of things in the above pictures. One, I look pregnant. My belly pooches out farther than my boobs. Also, i the group picture it looks like I have had my wisdom teeth removed and my jowls are swollen...hence my missing neck.

Here are current pictures.

I added this last picture so you could see my boobs are now sticking out beyond the belly. It's going to be a good day people!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

*I would like to preface this post by stating the obvious. I have boundary issues. I tend to talk about things that other people only think in about in their minds. Possibly because these other people have manners or something silly like that. If you hadnt gathered this from my previous posts, I just wanted to let you know.I used to poop several times day. Like anywhere from 2-18 times. Somewhere on the poopy bell curve I averaged at least 3 daily. This was a lot! But...I was eating A LOT of food. Ya know? So these days, I am lucky to get the old BM even once a day. I get worried when I dont go. And envious of Tracey because seriously...you could set the world time clock by his 5 a.m. visit to the bathroom. That's all I really wanted to say about that. Just thought I would share that it takes some getting used to.

Also, I called and moved my doctors appointment back until May 18th. I was supposed to have a fill on Thursday. My last fill, which was also my third, was March 30th...and it put me at 6cc's in a 10-12cc band. I swear its tighter now than three weeks ago. But logically, it shouldnt be since I have lost over 10 pounds since then. I WANT a fill of course. I needs me a fix! But I dont think I really need one. It took me like 40 minutes to eat my hamburger patty last night and this morning my banana gave me problems. So, I will wait a little longer and not risk suffering the same fate as a few of us bloggers who got too tight and had to have an unfill.

Monday, May 4, 2009

I lost 6.5 pounds last week. So strange because the week before I lost only .5 pounds! I didnt do much different this time. No fill. I didnt do liquids. I upped my water just a little more, tried to cut back on the salty chips and beans...but that's about it. I just never know when Tina is going to come through for me!

So today I am comfortably wearing my size 22 slacks that I had never taken the tags off in probably 2 years! It's always nice when you can start your Monday on a weight loss high. Not so nice to start your Monday with the scale not moving!

I have a fill scheduled for Thursday. Whoa, I just realized that means I need to go on liquids for 2 days before. I am not sure if I need a fill. Maybe just a little little bit. Like .25cc's? Considering that I have gotten stuck twice this weekend. My second mini-goal I had set for myself was 267 by June 1st. I think I will make it :) Of course I may have just jinxed myself. Have you noticed that there is a blogger curse that sometimes when you talk about how good you are doing the karmic gods poop all over you?

Hi Ladies! What a weekend! Friday night we babysat Tracey's niece (she's 2). Her mom and dad were already at Thunderbeach in Panama City. We took her swimming in at my sisters and then home to watch Barney (horrible that show!) and then it was night night go to sleep time. She slept between me and Tracey which meant her head was in my ribs and her feet in his face. Sometime around 2 am I woke up to her sitting beside me talking to me in 2 year old jibberish. I told her to go back to bed and she did :)

Saturday we woke up, handed Kendra off to grandma and grandpa and headed to Panama City. We decided to take the bike with us! Tracey rode and I drove. It is a 110 miles to Panama City and he has never ridden that far and I would be too scurred! I am SO glad we decided to take the bike bc we had the best time! We met up with his brother and sister and went to eat.

I should stop and say that on the way, we were almost there and I was REALLY hungry. I hadnt eaten breakfast and it was almost noon. I knew that Tracey wouldnt want to eat until later, so I got into the cooler and pulled out my chicken salad. I eat this all the time, but this time I must have eaten too fast because about 5 minutes into it...I knew I was going to throw up. I couldnt pull over bc I was following Tracey. I didnt have any bags in the car. So, in desperation I empty out the tupperware container that had our lunches in it and threw up. GROSS! It was like the stuff they put in stretch armstrong. Elastic/rubber slobber. I have got to slow down when I am eating.

Okay, so we met up and went to lunch at a real place and I just ate some lunch meat from inside a sandwich. Then we got on the bikes and rode to Coyote Ugly. Tracey had a beer and I enjoyed watching the tiny girls dance on the bar. In my mind I was right up there dancing with them and made a mental note to find the name of their boob doctor. He does great work.

After that we just rode up and down the strip! My butt is so sore! But I loved it. There is something about having your arms wrapped around your man with 750 cc's of power beneath you. Good times. As promised, some pictures are below.

Also, in some more band related news I threw up again last night! ARGH. I made a wonderful dinner. Steak (sauteed onions and garlic on Tracey's), a little salad with homemade croutons, rice, and green beans. I didnt eat very much of the steak...maybe 2 oz. My for some reason, combined with the other stuff, it never went down.

And you know the old bandster saying "What doesnt go down, must come up". I just made that up actually, but I think we should get tshirts.

Friday, May 1, 2009

I DVR Oprah because its something easy to watch when I get home and just want to relax. Did anyone see Kirstie Alley on yesterday? Coo Coo Bird! Seriously...she is nuts and annoys me on so many levels. Do you remember not too long ago when she was on Jenny Craig and came out in her "bikini" but was totally wearing Spanxs underneath it and you could see the seam?

Anyways...she gained all her weight back. And is certifiable. That's all I have to say about that.

Last week on Oprah they had an episode about weird medical stuff with doctor Oz. They had this lady who was undergoing weight loss surgery...she was only the second in the world to have it done. They shaved her head, drilled holes in her skull, and wired it up to little pacemakers implanted on either side of her chest (sort of above the boobies). After the incisions healed, they turned the pacemakers on and sent a constant stream of electricity to her brain...right into the part that controls hunger. The desired result was that she wouldnt be hungry. It has been like 6 months since she had it done and she has lost 11 pounds. I was thinking THAT SOUNDS CRAZY...but tried to be non-judgemental bc I know that when Lapband and Gastric RnY came out...people probably thought the same thing...and I know some still do!

Now, on to Old Navy. Can I say that I am still bothered by the fact that Old Navy quit carrying their plus sizes in store. It's been over a year. But they have a maternity section! I think there are more fat people in this world than pregnant people. (I totally don't know if that is true, but it sounds good to support my case). There are just a lot of us biggies out in the world that would like some cute clothes!

Final little story. Last night Tracey and I were laying in bed (cue naughty music)...just kidding. We were just laying there talking and Tracey said..."I have something to tell you". Um...yes? He started hesitating and I was getting a little worried. We had been talking about my weight loss and how my body was changing and I thought he was going to say something bad (although he would never do that). He said, "I noticed today that when I hugged you, my arms overlapped and it was easier to hug you. I can really tell your body is changing."

I was like why didnt you want to tell me that? He was afraid I would think he meant that before my weight loss I was fat or something (sshh...we wont tell him I was/am). hahahaha It was just nice to hear :) I told him never to worry about complementing my weight loss...that would always score him bed...I mean brownie points!

Well not only is today Friday, but it's also pay day for me...and I am taking half the day off! Excellent. I was feeling kinda cute today in my old navy jeans I have been saving for probably 4 years or so...So I made Tracey take some pictures!

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Welcome To Amyville

I am a chronic make-believer. I amuse myself. I break out in random song at least 6 times an hour. I am me. I was banded on 1/27/2009. I look better tan. I am a mermaid. I believe you should give more than you take, laugh more than you cry, and eat cheetos when the urge arises. I have always been a dreamer. Life is unpredictable and I realize everyday how lucky I am. I think you should walk with your head up, shoulders back, look people in the eye, smile, have a good handshake, and be honest. I love cold sheets, colder air conditioning, swimming, my family, my animals, and my friends.