The most amazing(ly bizarre) jersey descriptions you’ll ever see

And to top it all off, each description ends with something like this:

As a whole, a very “written in a foreign language, Google Translated into English, Google Translated into another foreign language, Google Translated back into English again” feel.

The descriptions are shared by at least two sites, coolfansjerseys.com and wholesalejerseysc.com. My first thoughts were that 1) the sites were based somewhere in a remote country no one’s ever heard of and 2) the descriptions were written by Fes himself, but both sites say they are headquartered in Jacksonville, FL and were started by “two football loving, anxious brothers” and Jaguar fans.