Bears presason: Hoax or real deal?

Caption1. Mike Singletary, No. 50

Getty Images

Here's how much Singletary owns No. 50: In college, I attended a party at the home of one of my brother's friends. In the basement was a framed Bears No. 50 jersey with the name "Nuber" on the back. I threw a fit, exclaiming no true Bears fan would personalize the jersey of a Hall of Famer....

Here's how much Singletary owns No. 50: In college, I attended a party at the home of one of my brother's friends. In the basement was a framed Bears No. 50 jersey with the name "Nuber" on the back. I threw a fit, exclaiming no true Bears fan would personalize the jersey of a Hall of Famer.... (Getty Images)

When you own a number, you erase the validity of every other player who ever wore the number. That is certainly the case for Brian Urlacher and No. 54. The Bears actually had a steady No. 54 linebacker in the '90s named Ron Cox. Played OK. Google a picture of Ron Cox in his Bears jersey. Looks...

When you own a number, you erase the validity of every other player who ever wore the number. That is certainly the case for Brian Urlacher and No. 54. The Bears actually had a steady No. 54 linebacker in the '90s named Ron Cox. Played OK. Google a picture of Ron Cox in his Bears jersey. Looks... (Chris Sweda/Tribune)

I loved Jerry Azumah and respected Shaun Gayle. But close your eyes and picture a Bears No. 23. Now look at the face. What do you see? I see the (should be) future Hall of Famer Devin Hester galloping toward the end zone in the Miami rain with a trail of Indianapolis Colts behind him. Nothing...

I loved Jerry Azumah and respected Shaun Gayle. But close your eyes and picture a Bears No. 23. Now look at the face. What do you see? I see the (should be) future Hall of Famer Devin Hester galloping toward the end zone in the Miami rain with a trail of Indianapolis Colts behind him. Nothing... (Scott Strazzante/Tribune)

It's between Dent and Hampton for this spot, and I'm taking Dent. He was the best defensive lineman on the best Bears team of all-time, he won the Super Bowl MVP, he is far and away the franchise's sack leader, and he had one of the best verses in the "Super Bowl Shuffle." If you don't think...

It's between Dent and Hampton for this spot, and I'm taking Dent. He was the best defensive lineman on the best Bears team of all-time, he won the Super Bowl MVP, he is far and away the franchise's sack leader, and he had one of the best verses in the "Super Bowl Shuffle." If you don't think... (Getty Images)

This is not an honor — it's a safety precaution, thanks to disasters such as Rex Grossman and Cade McNown. No more Bears quarterbacks wearing No. 8, OK? If we ever see Adam Podlesh lining up under center, start panicking.

This is not an honor — it's a safety precaution, thanks to disasters such as Rex Grossman and Cade McNown. No more Bears quarterbacks wearing No. 8, OK? If we ever see Adam Podlesh lining up under center, start panicking. (Jim Prisching/Tribune file)

Because preseason NFL football barely resembles the real thing most of the time, it can be tough to determine how much stock to put into what you're seeing. That goes double for the Bears' warm-up Thursday against San Diego at Soldier Field, which featured Manti Te'o's return to the Chicago area. We're to help you sort out what resembles a hoax and what deserves your concern.

The former Notre Dame linebacker was in a walking boot and sidelined for Thursday's game. We know—we've been here before. But considering he never missed a game while playing for the Irish, this is (probably) legit. No sign of Dr. Phil, either. Thank goodness.

Devin Hester's elusiveness

How real: 5 out of 5

He returned the opening kickoff 45 yards. It's impressive because special teams players—the ones trying to tackle Hester—typically are on the bubble. Meaning if they don't impress, they're probably not gonna make the team.

Jay Cutler completed four passes for 38 yards Thursday. All of them to Brandon Marshall. We shouldn't be surprised, considering Marshall caught 41 percent of the Bears' passes in the 2012 regular season. But someone else HAS to get Cutler's attention.

Chris Berman's enthusiasm

How real: 1 out of 5

We're not questioning how much the ESPN broadcaster loves football. He really, really, REALLY loves football. We're just thinking that in the preseason, all that energy has to be coming from somewhere else. Like alternating shots of Red Bull and 5-hour Energy.

Thursday's weather

How real: 2 out of 5

Seriously? Barely 70 degrees at kickoff for a mid-August game, and lows in the upper 50s?! That's just not right. We sure hope the rest of August doesn't feel like mid-May.

Corey Wootton's sack dance

How real: 4 out of 5

Not a bad celebration effort, especially considering it's just the preseason. We'll expect a much more polished effort come midseason, however—something worthy of Sack Dancing with the Stars. Think Clay Matthews or Jared Allen, only less obnoxious.

Lovie Smith's influence

How real: 3 out of 5

The Bears defense forced two turnovers in the first quarter, against the Chargers' first-team offense. Very reminiscent of Smith's takeaway-obsessed crew. The only reason this isn't higher? San Diego QB Philip Rivers is not the most sure-handed guy out there.

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