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Saturday, September 22, 2012

‘I’m getting divorced and moving to New York’

For those on the receiving end, it’s been
nothing short of shock — eyes wide, mouths open, trying to figure out what the
hell to say back to something like that.

“I know. I even surprised myself with this
one,” is my usual follow up, generally prior to the other person having figured
out something to say.

And then the words start flowing — things
along the lines of, I never saw this coming, what the hell happened and,
usually, some variety of I’m-so-happy-you’re-going-to-do-great-things-isms.

For the record, let me try to break this
down:

I never saw this coming

Of course you didn’t. If you’re a journalist,
or know me through my work, you most definitely didn’t. I love my work. I’m
always happy in the newsroom.

For my non-journo family members and friends,
marital issues are deeply personal. I’m not the type to wear them on my sleeve
(and I won’t be using this space to rehash anything), nor am I the type to
focus on the negative things in my life.

Expect much more of that
not-focusing-on-the-negative stuff here.

What the hell happened?

Well this is a huge question without any
simple answer. Trying to summarize it all as neatly as possible: We’re two
people who want different things out of life right now. There’s nothing wrong
with that and frankly, I think we’re smart to realize it now.

I’ve been with Brent since I was 16. Eleven
years. We’ve both done a lot of growing, but we’ve grown in different
directions.

OK, but why New York?

I started a new job this summer on a team
based out of an office in Manhattan. The deal was that myself and the other
team member would work remotely from the newsrooms we’d worked for previously.
The team met in New York recently. My best friend from high school also lives
there. While I was there, I asked if it’d be possible for me to transfer to
that office. The answer was yes. I’ll expand more on this — and everything, really
— in later posts.

You’re-going-to-do-great-things-isms

Thanks. Though I do feel like I have a lot to
live up to now. I’m looking forward to trying to do that, however, and I
appreciate your vote of confidence in me. I’ll do my best.

My cousin Grace's response to this moved to me tears. I must share. She wrote: "I am extremely happy for you and so proud, you have some serious balls!! It's admirable to see a woman not lose sight of her dreams and ambitions and brave enough to take a chance. Your determination and passion radiates throughout your writing. There is no doubt in my mind that you are going to do great things and I can't wait to see! New York is going to be an amazing new chapter in your life and you can count on me coming to visit. You are a hell of a strong woman, amazing. Go get em!" Thank you Grace!

As your neighbor in the hood, I will miss seeing you outside in the yard working and chatting with you and the big black dog.... Good Luck in your new venture and in finding a dog for your new place. If you still have my email drop me a note, the "snow plow guy" from the end of the road. Bill

Taking that job in New York is perfect! It'll give you the time and space to start all over again. No one wants divorce, no one wants to go through it. Sometimes, there are things in life that we want to work out that we wish could've worked out. But things will not always go as we planned. Life is unpredictable, marriage is a workout. It's part of marriage to leap through hurdles and overcome all the other obstacles holding each other’s hands. And if the time comes that one of you let go of the other person's hands, I guess the best way is to separate with your respect for each other still intact. Good luck on your new endeavors in life, and don't put your happiness in another person's hands.

That’s the spirit Karen. Divorce will never be easy, but it seems that you handled it quite well. It’s really hard to maintain a relationship, especially if both parties have grown apart from each other. It’s not easy wanting to stay in a relationship and to pursue what you want if that's the case. Thanks for the share. I hope you all the best in all your endeavors.Christine Bradley

About Me

I'm lucky — I've known what I wanted to do with my life since I was a kid and I've managed to make it happen. Journalism rocks. I'm currently a breaking news producer for Thunderdome, Digital First Media's centralized news operation, and previously worked for The Oakland Press, a daily newspaper serving Oakland County, Mich. Born a Michigan girl, crazy about the Great Lakes. Loves dogs, snobby about music and PC-illiterate. Sucks at math. That's me in a nutshell.