Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Fat Lady Sang!

And that bitch tore it up and had two standing ovations and three encores!!!

Straw that Broke the Camel's Back

Now I had set a time limit for myself doing the on-line dating thing, because I wasn't going to (1) tie my life up and (2) start 'feeling' something about it - well I have cut that shit short!

This morning at 10:30am I called a 46 year old man after he sent me three different emails with his phone number. We had some conversation though brief, so I was like okay I'll call, no harm in that - well (and I counted) he spent the first 15 minutes BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT ATLANTA WOMEN! Our conversation lasted 25 minutes. At this point it dawned on me....the playing field is even and a 46 year old man projecting his past hurts on me is just to much, I can't do it! I effectively ended my on-line dating experience for Summer 2005

The Playing Field is Even

There is a lie out here among the jet set that women have all these issues and that WE have taken the dating game down several notches. Well I am a firm believer that a man can rise no higher than his woman because we are the teachers and the trendsetters of civilization and yes we have lowered ourself to scrape the bottom of the bucked but guess what - Our Man Has Finally Joined Us! HELLO! Glad to see you could make it to the "Issues Ball" Get you a drink, cop a squat and let me know what's on your mind.....

There is a natural magnetism among male and female species that has to be there to keep us here on the planet, if we are not attracted to one another then we can't procreate thus the elimination of the earth long before Tom Cruises come out with "War of the Worlds", but apparently there has been a Metro PCS caliber interception (Atl folks know what this joke is about) and we have a BAD CONNECTION!! and more importantly alot of men have been reduced to the very thing they accuse us with.....B-A-G-G-A-G-E!! Ok, alot of sistas have decided that a dick and a paycheck is more to their liking than a man, a heart, a soul, a feeling; however the condemnation of all women is unnecessary. We all stand on our own feet, responsible for our own choices and issues and preferences. If we shut ourselves out the running so be it, but the whining from grown men has got to stop!!

I Had Such High Hopes

Now in my previous dealings, I came with baggage as well as such a strict list of preferences - God had to tap me on the shoulder and say "Um you might wanna put away the Febreze and smell yourself - you ain't perfect honey" So on my life journey, I started taking a good long look at my perception of what I wanted versus what I might need. I've spoken about it the whole Swell vs Swole thing etc. etc. So when I decided to pop back into the scene, I felt I came in more about the brotha who is good for me moreso than the one who looks good to me. It wasn't about Tall, Dark and Handsome but what was going on in the mind and spirit and interest from that angle. I spoke to just about everyone, had some good conversation and was quite cordial in relaying if I were interested or not. I can walk away with my karma intact as far as I'm concerned.

However, this time around - I ran into 'the gatherer' that's the label I've given the man who just wants to 'gather' as many prospective females as possible only to decide none of them are as good as the one that might be around the corner. That is fustrating. Yes in a dating arena, keep your options open - that's why you date but the 'internet hit and run' is LAME, lol lol That's when you get approached quite aggressively, there's conversation, number exchange and a vibe that the person is really checking for you - - then......NADA!! What's that about? Sure you talk on the phone and you know if a person is really interested as well as someone you would like to get to know better, but if it's a positive why not pursue it? What's wrong with calling that person back? What's wrong with following up? What's wrong with actually writing the number down and remembering it? what's wrong with seeing that person online and when they speak, you speak? What's WRONG?!

PICK ME! PICK ME!

Here's how it works: notice a persons profile, shoot them a note or contact them for a chat, either email or chat for awhile, agree to exchange numbers, call within 24 hours while the memory is fresh, ascertain if that person is worth speaking to again, put the number in your celly so that you know who it is, WAITING GAME!

I had to adjust my personal mantra's and become more aggressive. Nothing wrong with being assertive or you will get left as the last one picked in the kickball game of life. If you see a man who's profile or whatever intrigues you speak. Now you risk the chance of being ignored but half the time, you get a response and usually you spark up good conversation. I KNOW how to relay myself on paper - my personality shines thru, believe you me. So then comes the number exchange. I don't mind giving out my number, but I'm from a certain school of thought:

A LADY doesn't spread her number around like it's pasted on the bathroom wall

A LADY doesn't chase

A LADY doesn't wave pick me pick me signs as if she's desperate

A LADY sets up the scene to let a man know she's interested

A LADY doesn't push herself on a man

So if I accept a number, which is the new thing, a man will give you his cell phone number and not ask for your number. I try to call while he can still remember who I am. However, if I call and get your voicemail - then I will leave my information and let it lie. I'm not going to continuously call you, hoping you pick up the phone, fuck all that! Why did you tell me to call and then dont' pick up the phone. Now if we do talk, I immediately see if you're lively, if we are laughing early or what not. Sometimes its an inopportune time, and it will be can you call me back or whatever. Sure I'll call you back and if I get a message, I'll leave one and again, let it marinate.

If I give you my number and you wait two weeks to call me, you might not get the witty person you met online two weeks ago. You have to make your presence known. A couple of day is cool, but come on! If the conversation is boring, whiny, or you are distant - then that might be an indication that it ain't poppin. I can understand a brothas penchant for not being able to type, but inability to converse is an issue! I'm lively, I like to laugh, talk about pop culture, what's happening, your experiences on the dating site, trying to see where your head is at.

Now there is also a type that just won't get off the dating site. They ask and ask for your number and what not but won't call but surely will stop by and say hello on line, lol lol lol whateva! You're either interested or you're not. whew I tell yah!

What I know

Is that after awhile when dating on-line, even the strongest personality and most secure person can let it start getting to them. You put your best foot forward and basically get doors slammed in your face, get game ran on you, hit left and right with lies, moral issues abound, your own issues take a ring side seat and fight constantly with you, and eventually you either have to walk away or give into it and thus begins the 'internet spiral into hell', lol. I've seen it happen - a brotha I delt with used to have this great page, articulate blah blah blah, I saw him go from that to changing his screen name to the length of his dick and basically cussing all women out and just becoming someone I didn't know or want to know and I told him about himself, can't let this shit get to you. It's suppose to be IN ADDITION to you living your everydaylife not YOUR LIFE.

Soooo for me.....

When I started 'fretting' about it, it's time to go!

Because I'm tired of introducing myself as XYZ (insert screenname) from ABC (insert dating site) - when my name is PAM; it's time to go!

When it's not fun anymore, it's time to go!

When you see the same people all the time and begin wondering how can they come on after our great conversation and not speak, it's time to go!

when I start having 'feelings' about a dating site, it's time to go!

So in the words of Teddy Pendergrass: "Think I better let it go! Looks like another love TKO"

I had no intention of letting that stuff consume me, or prevent me from having a good summer. I'll be out and about and enjoying myself. Now with my absence, the true intentions of people will come out anyway. You can't see that if you are always in the place - it's about when you're gone if you're missed, if your conversation is thought about etc. etc. and that goes for men and women - men need to back the fuck up off that site - honey women are EVERYWHERE - if you feeling a few focus on them and stop trying to go on overload, lol lol.

So I'm thru, it's been real. I feel good about it. I feel good about what I took away from it and the progress I've made about self - I feel ready to get out here this summer and possibily date and mingle and approach men and see what's up. Isn't that what it's about?

The Irony of it all

Of course there is some irony, I'll give the second one first and then the kicker, lol

Second - most of the most interested, up front and vibilicious (new word) conversation happen between me and the NY and Cali Brothas. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.....ATL!

First - Out of all the winks, flirts, chats, blah blah blah - who has expressed the most interest and who have I forged a great budding friendship with.....The 37 year old, living two hours away, Mason Attending, Card Carrying, Church Going, Jr. Choir Leading, want a child Brotha!!!!!! LOL LOL. Was I trying to be running up and down a highway? Did I not want someone that was right here at my beck and call? Was I trying to complicate my life in any form or fashion? HELL TO THE NAW, but life has no rhyme and reason and the best laid plans of mice, men and...me, lol lol

My options are open, I'm not jumping out any pans into any fire - - but if you see me and the Hyundai racing up and down 75 waving at all the too slow you blow here in ATLANTA. I'll just take it as it comes...I'll just take it as it comes!!!