Foster families’ road to adoption bittersweet

The Amish couple from Millersburg smiled as they clutched their 2-year-old son, Kyle, in their arms. Together, they entered Judge Linda Kate’s courtroom. For the past few years, Wayne and Naomi Miller, both 39, had cherished Kyle as one of their own. Finally, on Thursday, they legally became his parents.

The Amish couple from Millersburg smiled as they clutched their 2-year-old son, Kyle, in their arms. Together, they entered Judge Linda Kate’s courtroom. For the past few years, Wayne and Naomi Miller, both 39, had cherished Kyle as one of their own. Finally, on Thursday, they legally became his parents.

The Millers brought Kyle home from the hospital when he was 11 weeks old. He was one of the 121 children in Tuscarawas County Jobs and Family Services foster care.

At the time, JFS had 20 children under the age of 2, and 11 placed for adoption.

Often, when children enter the foster-care program, reunification with their biological parents is intended. When this doesn’t happen, JFS turns its attention to finding children like Kyle a permanent home.

“You can fall in love,” Naomi Miller said of her son.

And that makes the journey of a foster parent an especially challenging one, she said.

The Millers always hoped for adoption, but they knew there was a possibility Kyle might be returned to his biological mother.

“There was a fight inside in my heart that I can’t get too attached because I might have to give him up, but I want to get attached because that’s natural,” Miller said.

Attachment was easy for the Millers and their biological daughters, Emily, 16, and Katie, 12. The couple enjoyed their daughters, but always wanted a larger family.

“My husband and I both love children,” said Miller, explaining that due to a blood disorder, she was forced to have a hysterectomy five years ago.

Miller said her family noticed other Amish families were adopting children, so they decided to take courses in foster care. Miller said she was comfortable mingling with people outside her community and loved the foster-care classes and meeting the other couples. She said the caseworkers were very helpful, especially when navigating the Internet, to which the Amish are not accustomed.

When the Millers learned Kyle was theirs, they felt their prayers were answered. Still, there was a touch of sadness. “Sometimes I have mixed feelings, I feel bad for the loss his mom must have. I’m so grateful someone out there was having him so we could have him,” Miller said. “He has definitely been a joy in our house.”

Last week, the Miller family received another foster child, a baby boy. Miller said she already adores him, but has the same concerns she had with Kyle, and said she prays that God will do what’s best for the new baby.

“Our family loves children, and we just all agreed on doing this,” said Wayne Miller. “I feel it’s a way of working for God to show him we care for children.”

'NO WAY TO GUARD YOUR HEART'

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As a small child, Stacey Brant knew she was meant to be a mother.

“As a little girl, my mom wondered when I was going to stop playing with dolls,” she recalled.

Her dream became a reality when she gave birth to her oldest daughter, Karley Bitikofer, 16 years ago. Brant would soon meet and marry her husband, Matt Brant, and have two more children, Kaytrin, 12, and Seth, 9.

But she still wanted more.

“I have always wanted a large family since I was a little girl,” Brant said.

While they were finished having children, the couple said they would consider adoption in the future. The idea stemmed from a local kinship program, where families help children in need.

“As parents living in our own house, we don’t realize what really goes on outside of these doors,” she said. “There’s such a need here in our own community.

“We got our license and two weeks later, got a call for a little boy,” she recalled. The Brants also were told the biological mother was having another child soon, a little girl.

The Brant family added two more children to their three-bedroom home.

That was four years ago. The Uhrichsville couple have since adopted Josiah, now 5, and his sister, 4-year-old Leah.

“I cannot imagine my life without them,” Brant said. “I cry every time I say it, they really do feel like ours. They’re supposed to be with us.”

However, the road to adoption and even adjustment wasn’t an easy undertaking for the stay-at-home mom. Brant said the original plan was for reunification, and it was excruciating every time she watched her children leave for supervised visits.

“I didn’t know if it would turn out in our favor or in their parents’ favor,” she said. “You have to put your heart in it, and there’s no way to guard your heart. It’s too hard to see your future without them.”

Brant said the children came from an abusive home where there was also neglect.

“For (Leah), she was an easygoing, loving baby. I didn’t see anything with her different than my own children. She didn’t cry. She was content. She can light up the room when she walks in,” Brant said.

Their son, however, was a different story. Brant said that young children can internalize a lot and remember a lot, even if they can’t verbalize their feelings.

“When we got him, he had an eating problem. He would eat until he vomited and scream and tantrum like you would not believe. He was scared to death of hot water,” she said.

Brant prayed her family would get custody of the children and, ultimately, they did. Her husband said there were mixed feelings about the adoption, not because they didn’t love the children, but because they had sympathy for the biological parents as well.

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“It’s heartbreaking in a way,” Matt Brant said of his children losing their biological parents. “But having Josiah and Leah, the rewards are astronomical. We’re giving them a life they may not have had.”

Stacey Brant said Josiah and Leah have adjusted well, but there are still moments. “My daughter, to her, we’re her parents. My 5-year-old will tell you he had main parents and we’re his new parents,” she said.

Regardless, the Brants love their adopted children and so do their three biological children who pitch in to help around the house. After the children started school this year, the Brants volunteered to be foster parents again, taking in a newborn boy who may be reunited with his parents.

Brant acknowledged that she’s already attached to the newborn, and will find it difficult to let him go if she needs to. “You just live for today,” she said. “Tomorrow has its own problems and own worries.”