So says plastic-faced German fashion designer Wolfgang Joop, anyway. Yes, someone named Wolfgang Joop has criticized someone else for something. Heidi's reps say that the designer is just trying to ride her coattails.

"Yes, her big, enormous coattails!" Joop shrieked. Then he snatched a hoop and stick away from some German schoolchildren, pointed and laughed at an Asian baby wearing a hat, jumped into his teeny-tiny car and sped off into the Black Forest, where he lives in a crumbling candy house. [P6]

Apparently Sarah Jessica Parker got Anna Wintour to crack a smile at Fashion Week. They were at the Alexander Wang show. So... you know. Or, SJP ran around the tent faster and faster, while Russian circus music blared fuzzily on the speakers overhead. [Gatecrasher]

Lily Allen likes drugs and likes to talk about them, especially in regard to your children and whether or not they should do them: "Parents should say, ‘Drugs might seem fun, but they do funny things to your brain. Some people react to it good, some don't. Try it and see what you think,'" she told a Dutch magazine recently. Which is actually sound advice, except you might inadvertently be telling your child to do heroin. Which, last time I checked, not many people had reacted "good" to. [Gatecrasher]

Chris Brown says he is sorry for maybe hitting his girlfriend Rihanna, and that he is seeking the counsel of his pastor and mother. We'd suggest he seek the counsel of, you know, counsel. [Sun]

On Valentine's Day, Britney Spears drove around town in her Mini Cooper convertible, an unidentified man seated next to her. When asked who he was, Spears responded "Oh you could see him too?? Oh, phew. OK. No, no. It's nothing. I just... I was just worried it was happening again." [Sun]

British singer Duffy spent Valentine's Day exactly like you did. Wearing a pink wig, surrounded by a bunch of gay dudes. [Mirror]

Salma Hayek married a French tycoon in Paris over the weekend. Insiders at the ceremony say that the priest had Hayek say her vows over a few times, trying to get her to be "a little less wooden" each time. [Us]