Things Wrong With America: Kanye West

Email this to a friend

Okay, off the bat full-disclosure here: Late Registration, College Dropout and Graduation made up the soundtrack to the time I spent living in my fraternity house. The anthems still resonate with me and bring back some of the fondest memories I share with my brothers. Night in and night out, Yeezy would be ringing through the hallways, setting the tone for us to go out and conquer whatever pregame or party we were bound to stumble into.

Hopefully, some of you can sympathize with a fact that can’t be disputed: Kanye West is an immensely talented producer and recording artist, and he’s undoubtedly changed the face of popular music as our generation knows it.

This said, 808s and Heartbreaks saw me fall off the bandwagon in the same fashion that Kanye fell off the edge of the Earth, if the Earth was a metaphor for mental clarity and righteousness. Whether you’re a fan or not, I’m sure you’re familiar with the abundant publicity stunts and reckless abandon that associates itself with the self-proclaimed, “Voice of [Our] Generation.”

In a recent New York Times interview publicizing his June 18 release of Yeezus, Kanye offered up even more bait for critics to feast on, but rightly so, because some of the shit that was spewed from the mouth of Black Jesus is so damn self-righteous and pretentious, it made my head spin.

Not that I’m saying the dude needs a reality check in the musical realm, because when it comes to counting checks, he’s obviously doing everything right, but I sincerely felt the need to address some of the ludicrous statements he recently offered that perpetuated his downright awful personality.

Without further adieu, my take on the six most idiotic things that Kanye has said in a long, long while:

On being a trendsetter: “I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period.”

I’m going to stop you right there, Kanye, and let you know that I’d be happy to diagnose you with histrionic personality disorder — a condition that you likely share with half of the sorority girls in America. You’re referring to yourself in the 3rd person, and comparing yourself to a man that was responsible for changing the mechanics that dictate how worldwide communication takes place on a daily basis. There is a stark difference between making music that gets people up to dance or provides the perfect backdrop to rip a bong, versus vastly changing the way information will forever be disseminated in society. Get a grip, bro.

On his future: “I will be the leader of a company that ends up being worth billions of dollars, because I got the answers. I understand culture. I am the nucleus.”

Huh? Answers to what? Yeah, you have the answers that have garnered you multiple platinum plaques in a single genre of music, but that’s about where my questions start. What kind of culture do you understand? The dickhead, self-righteous culture of making words rhyme over sick beats, while referring to yourself as a component of particle physics?

How could somebody who once dressed himself like this ever run a billion dollar company?

Case rested.

On social obligations: “Anytime I’ve had a big thing that’s ever pierced and cut across the Internet, it was a fight for justice. Justice. And when you say justice, it doesn’t have to be war. Justice could just be clearing a path for people to dream properly. It could be clearing a path to make it fair within the arena that I play. You know, if Michael Jordan can scream at the refs, me as Kanye West, as the Michael Jordan of music, can go and say, ‘This is wrong.'”

There you go again with the ridiculous character comparisons. Michael Jordan won six NBA Titles, six Finals MVP awards, and averaged 30 points a game, among conquering every other achievement that the game of basketball had to offer. You make music for a living, and have more Grammy snubs than anyone else I can recall in the history of music. The numbers just don’t line up, man. Michael Jordan is a brand — he was Nike, he is Jordan. Kanye West is just, well Kanye West. The buck stops there. And by no means should you feel responsible for cultivating the dreams of others.

Sure, you’ve undoubtedly inspired a ton of people to follow their passions, whether it be music, fashion, or being an asshole, but for you to justify that you’re clearing paths for dream catchers, well that’s akin to you playing God. Understandable though, because that’s all traced back to your irreverent narcissism, so I guess I can say, “I get it, Kanye,” the whole chemical imbalance thing.

On his musical accomplishments: “But the thing is, I don’t care about the Grammys; I just would like for the statistics to be more accurate. I don’t know if this is statistically right, but I’m assuming I have the most Grammys of anyone my age, but I haven’t won one against a white person.”

I’m going to go out on a limb and just say the George W. Bush had something to do with this. There’s no other explanation, right?

On his highly publicized baby with Kim Kardashian: “Like, this is my baby. This isn’t America’s baby.”

Thank God this isn’t America’s baby. I have my doubts that, collectively, every person in the nation would be capable of raising the spawn of Satan that you and Kim K. created. I will, however, say that I’ll hold her in my prayers for the sake that she doesn’t follow the route of your late idol Michael Jackson’s daughter, Paris. That stuff is downright tragic. Hell, maybe this child will be the reality check you need to bring you back down to earth, and for that I think a lot of people would be incredibly thankful. It is kind of hard to be a father, though, when you’re busy running around with Canadian models that aren’t even good looking.

On why we should just let him be: “Like, I want the world to be better! All I want is positive! All I want is dopeness! Why would you want to control that?”

You want to make the world better, Kanye? Well it’d be really dope if you looked yourself in the mirror and realized what a prick you are, then get yourself to some psychotherapy or something and try to understand the concept of social empathy.

Your music may be half-decent, and I totally want you to keep churning out the hits, because they give me and my friends something to rage to when we’re on party pursuit, but your character is the furthest thing from a gentleman, even one who gets rowdy every now and then.

Ashley Schaeffer is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move. If you thought he was a woman, he'll take that as a compliment, because he loves women. Wooh.
He's proud to hold two degrees from Penn State, and certainly contributed to the university's reputable rankings in the party school category during his time there. He's even more proud to anchor the TFM News team.
Feel free to hit up his pager or drop an email (SchaefferTFM@gmail.com) with any warranted leads, or just to shoot the breeze about Philly sports.
In the meantime, drop by his dealership for great deals on gently used BMW's.

He has 21 wins on 51 nominations. The bad beats he endured are what I was referencing – like losing Best New Artist to Maroon 5 in 2005, or the fact that he’s 0/3 in Album of the Year, 0-/3 in Song of the Year, and 0/1 in Record of the Year.