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Practicing affirmation is not about self-esteem. It is about esteeming the work of God in the lives of people. Practicing Affirmation

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Jails are overrun with people who have plenty of self-esteem. So are asylums. (Chesterton) Practicing Affirmation

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Folly and sin conspire to make us desire to be made much of, thinking that we deserve to be loved. This is idolatrous and deadly. It is about esteeming the work of God in the lives of people. Practicing Affirmation

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Practicing affirmation is not about self-esteem. It is about esteeming the work of God in the lives of people. Practicing Affirmation

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You are not the author of your story. Your story isn’t mainly about you. Practicing Affirmation

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A key is not the main thing, but it is a crucial thing. Practicing Affirmation

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Affirmation is not optional. That is, doing it and not doing it both produce an effect. They do not produce the same effect. Practicing Affirmation

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A fire not stoked goes out. A refrigerator unplugged rots the eggs. A garden not tended produces weeds, not vegetables. Practicing Affirmation

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Affirmation is the fire-stoking, refrigerator-electrifying, garden-tending aspect of relationships. It is not optional. Practicing Affirmation

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Mistake: failing to grasp the connection between lack of affirmation and one’s own reputation. Practicing Affirmation

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Practicing Affirmation The Mercy of the Lord to You in Affirming Others

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2Timothy 1:16-18 The Lord grant mercy to the house of Onesiphorus for he often refreshed me, and was not ashamed of my chains; but when he was in Rome, he eagerly searched for me, and found me – the Lord grant to him to find mercy from the Lord on that day – and you know very well what services he rendered at Ephesus. Practicing Affirmation

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Romans 15:2-3 Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me." Practicing Affirmation

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The Affirmation Ratio presupposes things like: God sovereignly brings about ends through means. Believers are dependent upon the Spirit. Love affirms; love also corrects. Everything can’t be said in one seminar. Practicing Affirmation

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The Affirmation Ratio presupposes things like: Our behavior does not save us. Jesus alone is our justification. The root of every sin is idolatry. Idolatry is a failure to look to Jesus alone. Idols thwarted bring discouragement, anger, anxiety, etc. So don’t make practicing affirmation an idol. Practicing Affirmation

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Proverbs 11:25 He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. It is the law of the harvest. Caution: God (not others) is the ultimate source of our refreshment. Practicing Affirmation

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Matthew 10:42 And whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you, he shall not lose his reward. God rewards us when we refresh others. Practicing Affirmation

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Caution: Self-interest is not selfishness. Though we benefit from refreshing others, the refreshment is theirs and is to be real refreshment. Romans 15:2 Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. Practicing Affirmation

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“Though boys throw stones at frogs in sport, the frogs do not die in sport, but in earnest.” Bion of Borysthenes (Greek philosopher) Practicing Affirmation

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Sustain the Weary With a God-given Tongue Isaiah 50:4 The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary. Practicing Affirmation

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Affirmation Ratio You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. 3. Oppositional Practicing Affirmation

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“We readily believe those whom we know to be desirous of our welfare.” John Calvin 3. Oppositional Practicing Affirmation

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Richard Baxter, Puritan writer: “They love those who best esteem them highest. “The faults of these admirers can be extenuated and easily forgiven…” [Isn’t that what you want? Forgiveness to flow?] “If you would have his favor, let him hear that you have magnified him behind his back and that you honor him.” 3. Oppositional Practicing Affirmation

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C.S. Lewis “When Christians behave badly, or fail to behave well, we are making Christianity unbelievable to the outside world… “We give them grounds for talking in a way that throws doubt on the truth of Christianity itself.” 3. Oppositional Practicing Affirmation

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Session 2 The God-centeredness of Good Affirmation Biblical Warrant for God-centered Praise of Those Who Are Not God Practicing Affirmation

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Affirmation is the purpose of the universe… specifically, affirmation of God. Practicing Affirmation

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The chief end of God is not to glorify man, but the chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying him forever. Practicing Affirmation

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Isaiah 48:11 My glory I will not give to another. Problem: If all glory belongs to God, how can we commend those who are not God? Practicing Affirmation

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Two ways to miss the mark: Idolatrous commendation Failing to commend the commendable (James 4:17): When Jesus says, “Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and unto God that which is God’s,” he is not forbidding people to pay tribute to Caesar. Practicing Affirmation

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Daniel 2:37-38 You, O king, the king of kings, to whom the God of heaven has given the kingdom, the power, and the might, and the glory, and into whose hand he has given, wherever they dwell, the children of man, the beasts of the field, and the birds of the heavens, making you rule over them all- Practicing Affirmation

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Jesus commends: His disciples as salt and light His listeners as better than many sparrows The woman of great faith The woman of ill repute The faith of the centurion John with superlatives The generosity of the widow Nathaniel for lack of hypocrisy Practicing Affirmation

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John 8:1-11 (the woman caught in adultery) Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more. Practicing Affirmation

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God is at work everywhere. See it. Affirm it. Practicing Affirmation

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The gospel of the God who is at work is not merely something to look at, but a way of looking. Practicing Affirmation

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What is affirmation? Affirmation commends the past. Encouragement pleads for a future. Practicing Affirmation

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What is affirmation? Truthfully declaring by complimentary word or action the goodness of something or someone. All good affirmation attests or confirms that which honors God, that which is morally upright. Practicing Affirmation

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Therefore, to affirm people well, we must learn to affirm God, the source of every good thing to be affirmed in people. Practicing Affirmation

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How can you praise a mere human in a God-centered way? Commend the character of Christ in them. Practicing Affirmation

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Salvation is not in a code, but in a person. So it is with character. Practicing Affirmation

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To be on the lookout for what is truly commendable in people, we must see what is commendable in God. Everything commendable is rooted in Jesus. What’s so good about him? Practicing Affirmation

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The chief end of man is to glorify God. The chief end of God is to glorify God. Practicing Affirmation

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Jesus is on a mission to receive praise, even if he has to get it from rocks. Practicing Affirmation

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Meanwhile, the Father is so passionate for his Son to receive praise, that his Son’s praiseworthiness reverberates in, through, and from those who resemble him. The more we resemble him, the more of him is displayed, and the more honor he receives. Practicing Affirmation

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The praising of people does not preclude the praising of God, if the people are commended ultimately for his glory. Practicing Affirmation

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God is glorified in us when we affirm the work he has done and is doing in others. Practicing Affirmation

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Stop and write… … a note of affirmation to someone difficult to affirm. Stop and pray… …for your speaker to not be a hypocrite at practicing affirmation. 3. Oppositional Practicing Affirmation

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Session 3 Helping People Get Good at Affirmation Nuances and Guardrails to maximize Fruitfulness and Avoid Regret Practicing Affirmation

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Gain a reputation: give so many affirmations as a consistent pattern, as a way of life, that you gain a reputation for it. What reputation do I want?  Mr. Crabby Pants?  Old Lady Battle-axe?  Miss Nit Pick?  Barnabas, son of encouragement. Practicing Affirmation

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Generally, our failure to affirm others is not rooted in them, but in us. Wayne Practicing Affirmation

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Affirmation is powerful. Fourteen year old Eleven year old Pig farmer’s wife Moratorium Practicing Affirmation

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This is an advance alert: Later today we will ask for testimonials of how you have personally seen the practice of affirmation make a difference. Practicing Affirmation

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We will become profoundly ineffective in our relationships if we have squandered a hearing, alienated our listeners, turned them off to us… Practicing Affirmation

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Even if we… are right, not wrong possess the jurisdiction, the right, even the responsibility to say something apply wise and loving rationale have good motives love the person deeply have exactly the right wording and tone… Practicing Affirmation

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The people around us are likely to stop hearing us over time if we don’t practice affirmation toward them… Practicing Affirmation

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Even if he understands… the psychology of human development the biblical theology of man and sin management best practices the difference between right and wrong. Practicing Affirmation

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…the people around him are likely to stop hearing him over time if he doesn’t practice affirmation toward them. Practicing Affirmation

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Practicing Affirmation Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

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Proverbs 12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Practicing Affirmation

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Luke 18:9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted." Practicing Affirmation

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In Luke 18 Jesus is speaking to people who: Talk about God Think they know how to be right with God. Note: he speaks not about them, but to them. It is about esteeming the work of God in the lives of people. Practicing Affirmation

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Luke 18:9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted." Practicing Affirmation

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He spoke to whom? It is about esteeming the work of God in the lives of people. Practicing Affirmation

91
Luke 18:9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted." Practicing Affirmation

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Remarkably, the Pharisee not only… avoids immoral behaviors, and practices good spiritual disciplines, but… … gives God the credit! It is about esteeming the work of God in the lives of people. Practicing Affirmation

93
Luke 18:9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted." Practicing Affirmation

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As far as we know, the Pharisee might have believed: my past sins were wicked indeed. in the total sovereignty of God. not I, but the grace of God has produced this righteousness. It is about esteeming the work of God in the lives of people. Practicing Affirmation

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His mistake is that he trusted the wrong: thing basis ground righteousness person It is about esteeming the work of God in the lives of people. Practicing Affirmation

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The God-produced righteousness that the Pharisee trusted was: his own. And that was his mistake. He was dead wrong. It is about esteeming the work of God in the lives of people. Practicing Affirmation

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Jesus is teaching us that no matter: how morally upright we are how religiously devout how aware we are that God produced our moral appetites and behaviors how much we thank God for them …those things are not the basis of our justification before God. That is not how we are accepted. Practicing Affirmation

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The issue is: are we looking totally away from self? Look to Jesus alone. The tax collector looks away from his own works to the work of God. Practicing Affirmation

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The issue is: are we looking totally away from self? Look to Jesus alone. The tax collector looks away from his own works to the work of God. Practicing Affirmation

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Luke 18:9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted." Practicing Affirmation

101
Luke 18:9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted." Practicing Affirmation

103
Luke 18:9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted." Practicing Affirmation

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To repeat: Echoing the character qualities of Jesus does not save/justify us. Jesus saves/justifies us. Practicing Affirmation

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Even though many relationships fall into trouble over exacting standards, this is not about lowering standards. It is about commending incremental progress toward those standards, all by grace. Practicing Affirmation

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Stop and pray… …for grace to forgive and bless those who have not affirmed you as they should have. 3. Oppositional Practicing Affirmation

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Let’s practice affirmation… Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father There is no shadow of turning with Thee Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not As Thou has been Thou forever wilt be Great is Thy faithfulness Great is Thy faithfulness Morning by morning new mercies I see All I have needed Thy hand hath provided Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me ositional Practicing Affirmation

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Let’s practice affirmation… Summer and winter and springtime and harvest Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above Join with nature in manifold witness To Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love Great is Thy faithfulness Great is Thy faithfulness Morning by morning new mercies I see All I have needed Thy hand hath provided Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me ositional Practicing Affirmation

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Let’s practice affirmation… Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside Great is Thy faithfulness Great is Thy faithfulness Morning by morning new mercies I see All I have needed Thy hand hath provided Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me ositional Practicing Affirmation

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The rudimentary desire to be commended is not wrong. We should all desire to be praised… …by God himself! Practicing Affirmation

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The rudimentary desire to be commended is not wrong. We should all desire to be praised… …by God himself! Practicing Affirmation

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1Corinthians 4:5 …then each one will receive his commendation from God. Practicing Affirmation

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To not want to be loved by God and affirmed by God is to be faithless, to expect God to act like something other than God. Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To be noticed, if we are letting our light so shine that when people see our good works they glorify our Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To avoid someone’s anger, if you are not cowardly, but are courageously and faithfully leaving vengeance to the wrath of God. (Romans 12:18-19) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To be well thought of, if we are approved of God. (Romans 14:18) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To receive recognition, if we are recognized for having genuine faith. (1Corinthians 11:19) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To feel important, if we recognize we are making an important difference as instruments in the Redeemer’s hands. (1Corinthians 15:10) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To be respected, if we are respected for fulfilling our God-given office in God-given strength. (2Corinthians 8:16) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To avoid conflict, if our peacemaking is not at the expense of principle. (2Corinthians 13:10-11) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To be looked up to, if we are esteemed highly because of our work in the Lord. (1Thessalonians 5:12-13) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To have a good reputation, if our good name (which is better than great riches) reflects THE Name. (2Corinthians 1:10-12) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To enjoy friendship, if friendship is first and foremost with God and all other relationships are for God. (Hebrews 6:10-12) Practicing Affirmation

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It is not wrong to desire… To be praised. That desire is perverted when it seeks to be praised for wrong things, or to be elevated above the glory of God. Practicing Affirmation

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Affirmations are one form of blessing. To bless is our calling. 1Peter 3:9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. Practicing Affirmation

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Affirmation is not the same as: blessing flattery building self-esteem encouragement Practicing Affirmation

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Affirming others: Earns you the right to make suggestions. Gives energy to people. Lifts morale. Makes you easier to live with. Requires you to look at people positively. Constructively uses time that could have been wasted complaining. Practicing Affirmation

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Paul had much to correct in the Corinthians: serious doctrinal error divisions a form of immorality they were a lawsuit-happy bunch problematic corporate gatherings misunderstanding and misuse of gifts broad opposition to Paul himself Practicing Affirmation

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And yet… in his opening lines he tells them: “I give thanks to my God always for you.” Why? “Because of the grace of God that was given you in Jesus Christ.” Practicing Affirmation

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Stop and pray… …by name for those you would like God to help grow in practicing affirmation. 3. Oppositional Practicing Affirmation

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