Tuesday, December 4, 2012

thoughts...plans....dreams....here I go.

I'm just going to ramble here and sort of just share my heart to catch you up....not going to worry about being flowery or poetic. This is wordy. Could I go back and make it concise? Yep....but I'm inviting you on the journey as I figure it out myself....so you are getting ME....unedited :) Consider yourself warned :)

For a long time, I have known that God is putting a big vision in my life. Once I heard about the issue of human trafficking, I was immediately drawn to this issue. I knew that God's heart beat for justice and for the oppressed........

But I was involved in Africa.

I felt conflicted.

I felt like as I switched from issue to issue that people would think I was scatterbrained. Actually, I was told that. I was told that I was all over the place and no one would listen to me.

But Jesus spoke to my heart 'it's all about justice. It's all about freedom" It all ran together because it was all about ONE issue: Justice....taking on many faces: poverty, trafficking, abuse, etc.

I've known that one day I would want to start something....but what? I know when you start a non-profit that you have to actually KNOW what you want to do :)

So I waited....I waited and I waited because I didn't want to start something too small.

I had lived in boxes for too long and I was afraid that in my limited thinking that I would plan too small :) I didn't want to do that.

I think God is clarifying my vision though. I know the "smart" thing to do is to keep it inside and to figure it all out and then present it to you as a finished product. But....that's not the way I roll :) Pretty and packaged isn't my thing. A broken girl leading broken people to make a difference in this world and inviting people on the grand adventure is more my thing.

But then came the fear. Fear of really diving into the trafficking. Fear of the pain that lies there.

I told people for a long time "I know my calling is in trafficking....but I won't do it until I'm married."

Ministry is freaking hard. It is. Life in the mess is incredibly hard. Life lived in the midst of injustice is ridiculously hard.

and it's hard to do alone. Oh I know I'm not alone, alone. I know I have YOU :) I know I have amazing friends all over the world that walk with me and cry with me. But the truth is, I'm alone. I'm a single mama. I don't have a partner in this world for whom I am his greatest passion (besides Jesus....no Jesus juking me here :) and his first priority. I was scared to go to India or SE Asia and face this pain myself. I was scared to see the pain and not have a partner's shoulder to cry on.

Walking through pain with others, particularly those that you come to dearly love (even if you only know their name) is hard. There have been MANY nights over the last 2 years when I have cried myself to sleep over the pain that others must face. I have cried out to God many times, "I will do this. I will walk into the hard, dark, messy places with people....but please oh please at least let me not do it alone" I was/am scared to hurt so badly in the places of greatest darkness like the red light districts across the world. I was afraid to go into the places where the enemy is SO present without someone who "has my back" spiritually. What's funny is the one thing I'm not afraid of is physical danger. Guess I have the boys at Krav to thank for that :)

So I waited.

But the truth is. I am alone. It's a fact of life. and I can't wait any longer. If the Lord is calling me to walk in my calling and to begin to "soar" (as my precious Elena puts it so often) than I am just going to have to trust that He will give me the people necessary to hold my hand while I do it. One day I'll have a partner by my side to do ministry with....but for now....I must walk ahead in faith.

So here are my thoughts about what I believe I am called to do.....it's 2 fold actually.
I first want to find 2 groups of people....

1. I want to find great organizations doing amazing things in this world. I want to create a network of organizations around the world. A network of friends. I want to find great orgs around the world that are working in the area of freedom and justice. People who work against the chains of injustice for either poverty or trafficking. They could do prevention....like helping orphans and keeping them in school or doing awareness campaigns. Even women's cooperatives like what we do in Uganda can be considered trafficking prevention! They could do rescues or brothel investigations. They could do restoration homes for girls/boys who have come out of trafficking. They could be orgs that focus on empowerment and reintegration.

2. I also want to find lots and lots of normal, broken, messy people around the world who want to make a difference.

And I want to help.

I want to help organizations to know how to work with advocates. I want to help them see advocacy as helpful to them and as people joining their team. I want leaders of organizations to feel loved and cared for and encouraged by whole teams of people around the world.

And I want to help normal, broken people like me know that they CAN make a difference in the world. I want to inspire and empower them to get involved in God's call for freedom and justice around the world. I want to invite them on the great adventure that is following God's call. And I want to help them learn how to use their voice and their talents for His glory.

I'm thinking what it will look like....one day...

1. maybe speaking, writing, facebooking, etc and inviting people on this great adventure. And then, as people step up to the call and want in on this party that we call making a difference, (this is the inspire part :)

2. When they respond, I help them in learning how they can use their voice and talents to make a difference by:
1. connecting them to a great organization. Because I will have created a network of great orgs I can just ask 1. what part of the world strikes your fancy? Africa? SE Asia? Europe? S. America? Here? Ok, now that we know that.....tell me what part of injustice makes you angry? What part do you want to get involved in? Prevention? Schools? Empowerment? Rescue? Restoration? Reintegration? Orphans? And once they know these things, I can introduce them to the great orgs I know!
2. Then we brainstorm together about how they might use their voice, their talents to make a difference. like the group of artists that is going to come together to decorate safe houses or the school teachers inspiring their students to raise money for school fees.

So there it is....my plan. Inspiring and empowering people to get involved in God's call for justice and freedom throughout the world. We will do this through forming a network of great organizations that we know are doing what they say they will do and are committed to really utilizing advocates as a part of their strategy and on their team and connecting them to trained advocates ready to make a difference. What do you think? Specifically...anyone have a name idea? :)

In keeping with my...."Ok, I guess I can't really wait around any longer....better get soaring" plan, I feel like I'm being asked to plan a trip to SE Asia. I am planning/considering a 2 week, 4 country trip to begin "vetting" the orgs I will work with. My initial plan is to go to Mumbai, India - Bangkok, Thailand - Phnom Penh, Cambodia and Singapore, Malaysia. I will spend 2-3 days in each city and will see 3-4 different organizations that are making a difference. My goal would be to understand the issue of human trafficking more deeply and to connect to great organizations on the ground making a difference so that I can come back, offer my humble voice to them and begin to recruit and train advocates for them.

Am I scared? Yep. The enemy whispers "hey, psssst....no one is asking you to speak or write or in any way inspire" but I know this is my call. The enemy says "your heart will be broken and you don't have anyone by your side to comfort you" yep. true. but that doesn't mean I shouldn't walk ahead anyways. The enemy says "you already have too much on your plate" yep. but when I think about this....my heart thrills and my eyes spill over with tears to think about God using me to make a difference in this world.

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About Me

I am me. Beautifully broken, wonderously healed, scandalously loved, me. I am passionate about loving Jesus and others extravagantly and living life poured out. I want to stand in awe and wonder at our God and pursue Him like crazy. I want to live in scandalous grace. I want to hope beyond what's reasonable and watch Him move mountains. I want to be me and let Him be Him and LIVE. I love freedom in the way that only those who have lived oppressed can truly appreciate. I long for freedom and justice and hope and healing for not only myself but for every precious, wounded soul that I love. I am an enigma in mamy ways and don't fit in many boxes. I am me.