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Sometimes, I Feel Like a B!T(H

Meet Nellie…

Every once in a while, I get in a really bad mood. I mean really bad. It comes on suddenly and, out of nowhere, an alternate personality of myself comes out. This person is mean, irritated, and downright nasty at times. At certain times of the month, she wants to rear her ugly head. She is so opposite of me. I asked my mom if she ever had any of these “nasty, mean feelings.” I asked her because she is literally the nicest, most compassionate person I know. My mom’s reply, “Of course, I gave her a name…Carol.”

So this runs in our family, huh?

I decided to give mine a name, too.

Nellie. Like that really mean bitch from “Little House on the Prairie.”

So today I am writing from Nellie’s perspective and I just have a few thoughts…

To the really annoying people, I mean friends, on Facebook who keep writing about how nice the weather is in their part of the country…Kiss Off! Do you think that posting your 78 degree weather and rubbing it in our faces that we are in yet another minus 25 degree Polar Vortex with our kids home from school again with nothing to do but roam around the house whining about boredom is helping matters? My snot immediately freezes inside my nose when I go outside…what can yours do?

And speaking of Facebook, to the most irritating people who keep logging in their damn workouts and weight-loss, nobody really gives a shit! Are you really that self centered that you think your workouts matter to most in the grander scheme of things? “I walked 2.5 miles today on the treadmill and burned 200 calories.” Well, whoop-de-freakin’-do ! And on this note, for one of my fb friends, I would really like to tell her she is really way too skinny and her head now looks bigger than her whole body. I actually want to ask her if her balance is off. So there!

To the people I know who ALWAYS have a clean house…I don’t trust you. I just want to go spread some of my junk mail and old bills around your perfectly kept countertops.

To the skanky hockey mom from the other team who cheered and was pounding on the glass after her son cross- checked my son from behind…Come over here by me and I’ll show you how it feels to get punched in the throat.

To the “I’m the only car in the school drop off lane that has somewhere to go after I drop off” people…Get over yourself. Everyone has somewhere to go. The urge to ram the back of your beautiful Cadillac SUV is very strong.

To the coffee clutch of moms at the gym who prance around in tennis skirts…everyone can see your cellulite. It’s there reflected in all the mirrors. Also, the point of going to the gym is to exercise. That means you should be working up a sweat or at least breathing heavy at times. Try it sometime.

See what nasty thoughts I have? I really try to be a good person. But peri-menopause is not being good to me. It’s uncanny…1-2 days a month I feel like Nellie! Luckily, it passes just as quickly as it came on.

But then the tears start…

My poor husband.

Am I the only one?

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13 thoughts on “Sometimes, I Feel Like a B!T(H”

Brick! What a wonderful way to express yourself. . . . .although I was holding my throat on a couple of them. . . . well, now it’s out of you and out there in space somewhere! Good for you! I’m also very proud of your vocalization of your feelings – because I know the other side of you, the usual side of you, sweet, compassionate, honest, humorous, thoughtful, helpful, and very lovely! Now, to get to your question – I know we all must feel nasty at times, human nature is not all sugar, – but a lot of us shove it down almost all the time – and some would deny they even have black days. . . he he

I like your name, too, Nellie is perfect –
It’s good for your inners to s;pout – everybody does it
Just don’t take to carrying a revolver around!
Love you
Mamacita
aka CAROL

That’s funny. I think we all have “favorite” girls in high school we’d like to name our alter egos after. High School Girls-they could be torturous, but nowadays I think the torture starts in Middle School for some.

Thank you so much for penning your thoughts! I share your sentiments and have been consumed with thoughts of Facebook comment comebacks and parking lot revenge (especially nice at a Catholic School right?) I feel like you are the Erma Bombeck of our generation and always look forward to reading anything you send my way. This was a great way to start my Saturday and really helped to lighted my mood.