Saturday, January 21, 2017

Book Review for "Daring Greatly" {by Brené Brown}

TITLE: Daring Greatly: How the
Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead,
by Brené Brown

PUBLISHER: Avery (an imprint of
Penguin Random House)

PAGES: 249

YEAR PUBLISHED: 2012

READING LEVEL: For teens and
adults

GENRE: Non-fiction

SUMMARY:

Author Brené
Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, studies human happiness and the things that destroy it. In "Daring Greatly," Brené
teaches us the danger of shame and the pursuit of perfection and encourages us
to courageously embrace ourselves and others—imperfections and all.

OUR STAR RATING:

OUR GROUP REVIEW:

Getting vulnerable

Erika, our host, encouraged us
to come to book club “as we are.” We showed up in what we felt most
comfortable in, whether it was sweats, pajamas or our favorite jeans and t-shirt.

We each brought a plate of something
we love. Donuts, Swig cookies, Brussels sprouts, chips and dip, pasta salad
were just a few of the favorites that showed up.

Erika and Jennifer did a great job of exploring vulnerability with us and asking
questions that caused some major introspection.

We began our discussion by
addressing vulnerability. According to Brené,

“Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding
the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.”

We watched this Ted Talk by Brené, which is a good summary of the points she addresses in "Daring Greatly."

Brené
writes that “perfect” and “bulletproof” are seductive, but they don’t exist in
real life.

In Brené’s
studies, she classifies people who are resilient to shame and who believe in
their worthiness as “The Wholehearted.” She found that Wholehearted people have a sense of love and belonging simply because they believe they are worthy
of love and belonging. And they believe that what makes them vulnerable is also
what makes them beautiful.

We wrote down several things
that make us feel vulnerable and some chose to share them. Some examples were:

-Our bodies

-Not being accepted or loved
once others see our “ugly” side—what we’re like behind closed doors

-Admitting that we made a mistake or
hurt someone

-Not having control over things

-Worrying we said the wrong
thing at a social gathering

Fighting the perfection myth

We talked about the shame-based
fear of being ordinary that we face in our generation and culture. It’s hard
not to compare ourselves to the perfect-looking women, their perfect children, their
perfect houses and their thousands of followers on social media. Sometimes, we
let ourselves see that image of perfection as the standard when it shouldn't be.

We reminded ourselves that when
we see someone or something that makes us feel bad about ourselves, we’re often
comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. Also, how we react to what we see
online can be a reflection of our own insecurities that we need to address,
instead of thinking that others are out to make us feel less than.

Instead of focusing on how our
lives look compared to other peoples’ lives, we want to focus on being present
with the people in our lives and creating real, meaningful relationships with
them.

Finding your tribe

The people who love you despite
your vulnerabilities (and because of them) are your true friends.

Brenékeeps
a small card with the names of people whose opinions matter to her. It reminds her not to listen to or get caught up in how everyone else sizes her up. We each
took a moment to write down who is in our own “Wholehearted Tribe.” Who is on
your list?

Wholehearted parenting

Since our book club is full of
moms, we especially loved the "Wholehearted Parenting" chapter. We decided our job
as mothers is not to create perfect children. It is to accept them as they are
and teach them that they’re worthy of love and belonging. It’s important to own
our mistakes in front of our children so they know it’s OK to mess up and that
they are still good and worthy.

Owning your story

In conclusion, we agreed that
when we are willing to share our stories and our vulnerabilities, it throws a
lifeline out to someone else who is struggling and needs to know they are not
alone.

Of course, we were giddy that Brené
quoted the ever-wise Sirius Black in "Daring Greatly":

“We all have light and dark
within us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really
are."

It takes courage to allow
yourself to be seen as you really are. But the reward is a life of
authenticity, peace, and love. Dare greatly, friends!