Courageous Mama of the Month of April 2016

I am a courageous mama because I am the mother of two and one of my children isn’t here. This is a road I did not choose to take and never thought I would travel, but here I am.

My son was born July 22, 2012, and he is and has been my greatest joy. The love I feel for Reeves and the fun I have being his Mom is something I wouldn’t trade for anything!

My daughter was born asleep October 17, 2015. Her name is Madison Reid. I love and miss her everyday and still feel a lot of anger, confusion, and sadness that she is not here with me physically anymore.

It is a strange thing for a mom to have one child here and one who is not. It’s like being a part of two worlds at the same time. I feel an extreme sense of responsibility and need to teach my son everything I can about this world that we live in and also make sure that I teach the world about my daughter since I can’t do the same for her.

I started an organization in her honor called Madison’s Closet on April 2, 2016 which was the date one year ago that we found we were expecting her. I started it to support my fellow sisters in loss by providing donated clothing for these brave women to wear following these devastating events. In my own experience being nearly full term, I was unable to wear my own clothes when I returned home from the hospital. When I had Reeves in 2012, I didn’t care. I continued to wear my maternity clothes or my trusty yoga pants. I was exhausted, blissed out, and no one was looking at me anyway! After having Madison, it felt like a cruel reminder to put on my maternity clothes, and it was so painful.

When you lose a child a part of your confidence and self esteem is lost too. I hated my body for not providing my daughter safe passage into this world. With only maternity or frumpy clothes to wear, I felt even worse about myself. I didn’t want to go out or be seen in public – by anyone. Losing a child is isolating as it is, this makes it even more so.

For me, I was fortunate to be able to afford clothing. But it was never about the money. I couldn’t face buying clothes for a body I felt failed me.

My hope is that the clothing we are collecting will help a mom regain a bit of her self confidence in the days after a loss. My hope is that the moms we help feel the love and light from the women who donated the clothing and that they are truly not alone.

What an amazing way to give back, Lafond! You are truly a courageous mama!

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