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Can somebody review my statement of intent for the School of Visual Arts

Hello! I'm Julian, I'm submitting an application for SVA for undergraduate studies in cartooning and before I can submit this application, I would like somebody else's view on my statement of intent. Feel free to add any suggestions, comments, and compliments if you have any. It would be real fun to learn!

(okay here it is)

Art is such a fun way to express one's self. In fact, the capital and most crucial reason I decided to pursue the visual arts studies is because I actually liked doing it. Of course, there are so many brilliant minds in the visual arts field that are just oozing with creativity. I want to be one of those brilliant minds and I'm always more than eager to stress myself to get there.
As much as I love to have fun with my art, I do take art sincerely. I understand that I may have to strain myself in order to improve the quality of my work. But really, that's just part of the fun.
The area that I want to excel in is cartooning. Actually, one of the major things that attracted me to the School of Visual Arts is the school's positive attitude towards cartooning.I have learned a lot about cartooning, not just as series of amusing illustrations, but as a compelling narrative. And I am very excited to learn even more about it.
I'm very cheerful to be perusing the arts. As hard as I've worked to become a great artist, I still feel there is a hidden potential I haven't reached. I can think of no better school that could help me dig up that potential than the School of Visual Arts!

I can't say I'm an expert on these things, but having just been accepted into SVA for illustration, I'm assuming my statement of intent was at least somewhat well-written. Haha. So I'll try my hand at critiquing this, though I'm certainly not sure what precise things they look for in statements of intent, or how much weight the statement holds.

Well, first off, I'd add a little more about what kind of work you do and what inspires it. I can tell from what you've written that you enjoy cartooning, but that doesn't give me much insight. I'd like to hear what sorts of things you draw, why you draw them, where your inspiration comes from. Of course, because you're submitting a portfolio, you probably don't need to go into much detail on what you draw, so I'd emphasize the "why." It'll help the reader understand you better as an artist if you give us an idea of how your current style came to be.
Another thing you should go into a little more detail on is what path you want to take with your art. I see you want to go into the visual arts field, of course, but what do you want to do in particular? Maybe list some short-term and long-term goals you have for your future career. Show that you've thought about your future and contemplated where you want to go with your art.
I'm not sure if this is necessary, but it would also be nice to see you explain why you like art. You say that you like drawing and that it's fun, but perhaps you could elaborate a little and explain why creating art appeals to you so much, and what aspects of it you like the best. Specify why cartooning is the art form that you are drawn to the most.

I've been accepted into Ringling college in Sarasota for game art and design, and I've never applied to SVA, so I don't know what they are looking for, but maybe I can help anyway. I've been told I'm fairly decent when it comes to writing, and I've always been able to knock out essays with ease, so I'll give you my two cents for what they are worth. take them or leave them; but I'm happy to be of help if I can be.
I'm not sure what the character limit is, or what exactly the school "wants to hear", but my personal opinion is that you find studying art would be "fun". I think you use that word more often than any others in your statement. This may be exactly what SVA is looking for, but I think like foxes seems to say, you could benefit by going a bit more into why.

Are you only motivated by something fun to do? There are a lot of things more "fun" than art, and though the process has many rewards, it also has many frustrations, yet your only acknowledgement of this aspect of your craft is in the lines " I do take art sincerely. I understand that I may have to strain myself in order to improve the quality of my work."
Art is a constant competition, and in the world of cartooning, the jobs are becoming less and less making the competition more intense- Though I imagine you know this, I wonder if a person judging applicants for acceptance will read this and think that you are ready for this level of intense struggle to be one of the "best".

Another thing, as foxes states, that may be lacking in this, is your WHY. Why do you want to study cartoons? what motivates you, why are you passionate about this? Many like story telling and making cartoons and doodles; why should they choose you over someone else who enjoys creating cartoons? can you prove that you have more reason than someone else to succeed if they accept you?

My reading of your statement only tells me you think that art is fun, and you want to study cartooning; specifically in SVA because they have a positive view on cartooning. I think you need to do more to make a statement that stands above those of other cartooning applicants. In many regards, all artists must like creating art- find some level of enjoyment in the process or the end result- otherwise we all would have given up long ago. It's great that you want to pursue visual art because you enjoy it, but why not any other field of visual arts? where do you get your inspiration/drive?

let me restate, I have no idea what they are asking for- I never applied to SVA, and I've not done much research into the Cartooning majors (if there are cartooning majors in places besides SVA) so this may be exactly what the recruiter/ judges are looking for. Me personally though, having only this to look at; I'm not sure you would stand out in the crowd of applicants as a memorable candidate. If this is the case with the judges, that means you are depending on your portfolio alone to stand out and get you in. If you come down to the point where the essays become a picking point on your acceptance or denial, you may not stand out enough to be remembered.

I have some suggestions.

Originally Posted by julianlikesart

Hello! I'm Julian, I'm submitting an application for SVA for undergraduate studies in cartooning and before I can submit this application, I would like somebody else's view on my statement of intent. Feel free to add any suggestions, comments, and compliments if you have any. It would be real fun to learn!

(okay here it is)

Art is such a fun way to express one's self. In fact, the capital and most crucial reason I decided to pursue the visual arts studies is because I actually liked doing it. Of course, there are so many brilliant minds in the visual arts field that are just oozing with creativity. I want to be one of those brilliant minds and I'm always more than eager to stress myself to get there.
As much as I love to have fun with my art, I do take art sincerely. I understand that I may have to strain myself in order to improve the quality of my work. But really, that's just part of the fun.
The area that I want to excel in is cartooning. Actually, one of the major things that attracted me to the School of Visual Arts is the school's positive attitude towards cartooning.I have learned a lot about cartooning, not just as series of amusing illustrations, but as a compelling narrative. And I am very excited to learn even more about it.
I'm very cheerful to be perusing the arts. As hard as I've worked to become a great artist, I still feel there is a hidden potential I haven't reached. I can think of no better school that could help me dig up that potential than the School of Visual Arts!

Response: Although I think what you wrote is "OK," I think you can beef it up quite a bit.
First, please critique what you write for grammar and punctuation. For example, independent clauses separated by "and" should have a comma before the and. Thus," I want to be one of those brilliant minds and I'm always more than eager to stress myself to get there" should be punctuated this way, " I want to be one of those brilliant minds ,and I'm always more than eager to stress myself to get there.

Secondly, I would have a much stronger introduction. Here is the sort of introduction that you might consider, "When I read my first comic book dealing with Superman, I never would have thought that it would have changed my life," However, reading over the comics, noticing the wonderfully graphic detail and fun style, captured my imagination and resonated something within me. I realized at that time that I wanted to be able to create fun word pictures that others could enjoy as much as I did."
This wording might be a bit pedantic; thus, you need to put in your own words and style,but I think that you get the point. You need an introduction that will grab the reader. Remember, you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

By the way, my daughter is in their grad program in 3d computer art. She LOVES the program and LOVES living in Manhattan. SVA is VERY portfolio oriented for admission. I wouldn't sweat the statement of intent too much.