"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve

Kittenb, who does that? I would never, never comment on anyone's financial situation unless expressly asked for advice. Also, given that increasingly more people are in serious financial difficulty they might want to STFU and feel grateful they are financially viable... and if they're not they have doubly less business giving anyone else shit.

Also AP 'fuck your bridge and tunnel ass ...' right up to your detailed descriptions of Snooki's contribution to dude's breakfast made me laugh.

Dear Everyone Who Thinks it it Their Business,Yes, I have a large amount of financial aid debt. It is mine, I choose it in order to find a career I love, I admit that I've struggled to pay it back but it is still all my choice. Please do not feel free to comment on it. It isn't your problem and your comments just stress me out! Thank you,Kittenb

No problem, chica. You are often the calm, diplomatic yin to my fiery, sledgehammer to the cerebral cortex yang. 's a good thing that you keep me on my toes.

Dear Angry New Jersey Man,

Thank you for adding more shit to my already craptastic morning. Seriously.

Perhaps you are unaware of this, but I have been at this for more than ten years & there is a REASON I am in HIGH DEMAND. I view 100% of what comes into my inbox & I quickly cut the wheat from the chaff. In short, I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING.

I paid close attention to your proposal & viewed it with a VERY experienced critical eye. I know with whom I can work & whom I cannot. And you? Fell into the latter category. Hence, I politely declined to work with you, as is my right. I even sincerely bid you much luck in your future endeavors.

I do not understand why you thought your increasingly abusive BS might get you somewhere, especially when I refused to play your game with you & requested that you cease contact or face the consequences.

I do not know what happened to you in your life to make you so angry with women, but I can assure you that it renders you completely repugnant on every level. You made many gross assertions about me, my motives & what I do simply because I am female & I rejected you. I am an adult, I own my home/automobile & I make my own money. I am not an "asshole" or a "hick", I am not lacking in "street smarts". I am simply good at what I do & I saw nothing to be gained by either of us in building a relationship with you. PERIOD. There was no malice, unlike your angry diatribes.

I guess what I am trying to say is: Fuck you & your bridge & tunnel ass right in the goddamned ear, you piece of NJ shit. I hope Snooki takes a big dump in your cereal bowl for breakfast tomorrow!

NHF,AP

--------------------

"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."

WTF. You're definitely adopting a sixth cat because she's so cute, and maybe a seventh one if it tugs at your heart strings too, even though you're having trouble making mortgage payments. Because you want to "get some enjoyment out of life." Look, if it was strictly your business, I wouldn't give a shit. But it's going to become my business when we have to take you in because it's house you or let you go on the street, because you got foreclosed on, because you're frittering your money away on acquiring more pets, maintenance for a pool you don't even use, gardening service, fixing your expensive status cars that keep breaking down, designer clothes, eating out, and on and on.

Dear universe, thanks for a spouse who has come around to the idea that "we're a unit." You do realize that that's not going help much with having in-laws living here with their casual attitude toward assorted parasites, clutter acquisition problem, spending problem, etc.

Dear universe, can you please fix it so that I won't have to deal with the prospect of MIL getting foreclosed on and then her expecting to move into our house? My guts clench at the idea of having to share living space with her ever again. Cat pee odors from her clothes contaminating my laundry machines and my clothes, my health going into the fucking toilet again when it took so fucking long to recover from the last time. I doubt the marriage would survive.

"Oh," said my spouse breezily a year and a half ago, "She would make sure she didn't import any [insert parasite here] to our place." Fuck that. Her lack of self-care has had all the chances it will ever have to fuck me up. I am NEVER trusting reassurances from you or her that "Oh it's fine now, we haven't had any fleas or boils for years." You can't reasonably expect me to trust her well-meaning, crazymakingly contradictory assertions. The Trusting Her Reassurances ship has fucking sailed and it's never coming back.

Well look if it becomes a question of her living on the street or with us, of course I don't want her on the street, but God dammit anywhere she lives is never going to be a safe space for me.

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve

it fucking sucks. it fucking hurts. but it's fucking true. Get it through your head.

xzoya

QUOTE(zoya @ Nov 14 2009, 07:15 AM)

GT -

get ready for a letter full of good 'ol sayings (cause they're true!!)

I say, if you haven't already sent it, don't send it. Just leave it be and jettison her, and the situation from your life.

remember what "they" say: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Sounds like you have tried more than once - in the past and now - to get her to understand. But she is telling you by her actions that she doesn't. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink - and sounds like you will never make her drink from your cup. And why should you? She's not your responsibility. Your happiness is your responsibility, and that's it.

I think the universe shows us everything we need to know, we just need to be willing to see or do what it's putting in front of our face. Cut the crazymakers out of your life. It's a bummer (and scary) to leave the past behind, but you don't need to be the crazy one here.

I'm gonna get all philosophical (literally!) on you here: in the words of the Greek philosopher Epictetus:

"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."

and just for good measure, I'll throw in another of his quotes (damn, I love Epictetus!!)

"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."Don't get sucked in to your past and your anger. Move forward. Let shit go for good - and sometimes that means letting people go without making a big fanfare of it.. just quietly move forward into what you know is right for you, and people be damned if they think you're crazy for it.

He's playing you. I don't even think that he consciously knows he's playing you, but you're getting played. He's a good guy deep down, but he's young. He's a hottie with a great personality, a good job, and a huge penis that he knows how to use expertly. Plus he knows that the world is his oyster and he wants to leap headfirst into the adventure. He's merely following the urge to sample every experience that he can, and he should. I have no doubt he likes you, but clearly you want more. After you get a few years under your belt, you start to be clearer about what you need, and you stop putting up with people who can't deliver those things - because no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you talk to them, no matter how long you stick around, they're not going to change unless they want to. And I don't think he wants to. You don't feel right about what he's doing right now, and you shouldn't. Any guy who wanted to just be with you would not do that, even if there is nothing going on. They just wouldn't. You know that book "He's Just Not That Into You" ? What that book has to say about his actions is completely applicable here. Don't put up with what makes you feel like shit, because the payoff is never going to be worth it. At the very least you'll always be suspicious, and do you really want to live your life looking over his shoulder and feeling like shit about the situation and yourself? You should never have to prove anything about yourself to anyone. Find someone who you don't have to prove anything to. He's not that guy.

(damn AP, another one bites the dust. some people just cant see outside themselves)

Dear Goddess,

I need a little bit of your lovin'. Raising these babies by myself is really hard and i'm afraid i'm not doing a good job. please send me a little bit of guidance that i can use to pick up the pieces scattered by this transition.

A fulfilling job that supports my children and i, allowing me to be progressive and help the earth, would be great. as soon as possible, please.

WTF is wrong with you? We have been friendly for how long? Three, four years? I have never been anything other than straight up with you in regards to our association: I do NOT want any relationship with you other than the one we have. I have told you this NUMEROUS times. Since the very beginning I told you that you would get nothing more from me than I was willing to give. And yet for some reason you got it into your head that if you just passive-aggressively kept badgering & trying to manipulate/guilt me into it, you would succeed. NOT.

I HAVE A MAN. YOU KNOW THIS. I. DO. NOT. WANT. YOU! I NEVER LED YOU ON. NOT ONCE DID I MAKE YOU THINK I WAS INCLINED TO DATE YOU. I NEVER EVEN FLIRTED WITH YOU LIKE I DO EVERYBODY ELSE. YOU KNEW YOU DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE & YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT/RESENTMENT/FRUSTRATION ARE ALL ON YOU.

It irks me to no end that you will not own your part in this. I am tired of you trying to take it out on me when I did nothing wrong. I brushed off your advances in no uncertain terms, "No, I do not want to take this relationship to the next level because there is no next level. This is it."

"But I'm a nice guy!" No, no you are NOT. Nice guys do not try to force themselves onto women that are clearly not fucking into them & have verbalised it to their face. So sod off, wanker!

AP

--------------------

"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve