I was sitting in Chick-Fil-A recently, having just finished my chicken noodle soup, and had a few minutes to people-watch. I tend to be especially observant when it comes to interactions between parents and their children, in hopes of adding new ideas to my "tool box" to help my clients.

This day, however, I felt like I was riding a time machine as I watched a dad try to get his two young ones out of the playground. Particularly, the memory that collided through my mind was my being several months pregnant with my second child while trying to coax my oldest, 2 years old at that time, into leaving. The scenario I witnessed recently ended with dad raising his voice, making a scene, and picking up one screaming child while pulling the other screaming child behind him. The scene that occurred more than a dozen years ago that I flashed back to ended with ME yelling, creating a scene, and CLIMBING UP INTO THE PLAYGROUND (pregnant belly and all) to drag my darling child down and out of the restaurant.

Oh, the joys of discipling in public. Where everyone is watching. And you wish the whole earth would swallow you up.

I often tell my clients that I don't claim to do the parenting thing perfectly, and heavens knows that my kids are not perfect-- but I've made enough mistakes to warn about what NOT to do, and studied parents and kids enough to get an idea of what can work. Here are some thoughts. Please feel free to add what has worked for you.

1. Be non-reactive. Kids are experts in picking up on your emotional state. Like our canine furry friends, they can smell fear (and anger, desperation, etc.) a mile away, so it's very important to keep a handle on your emotions. Remaining calm reminds them who is in charge.

2. Keep it down. Children are intrigued by adults talking very quietly-- probably because they expect us to yell. Using a quiet, calm voice will help them listen as you voice your expectation of them, along with the resulting consequence. Also, I happened to stumble upon a little "psss, psss" sound that somehow catches my kids' attention every time... even now. It's been very handly to use to get their attention from across the room to give them "the look".

3. Keep it under wraps. The idea of discipline is not to embarrass the child,especially in public. Save the intense discipline and implementation of consequences for a private place. Before you discipline, make sure the behavior you are expecting is age and child appropriate -- that you're not disciplining out of embarrassment, expecting a 3 year old to sit still during a 4 course meal, or asking your tired 5 year old to go on a shopping marathon.

You can be sure that your child will test limits, especially in a public place, to see if your boundaries remain firm. It's not usually fun, but is survivable. What are your tips for handling misbehavior in a public place?

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Authors

The author of Life Renewal Counseling's Blog is Jennifer Street, LCSW. Earlier posts are credited to our former counselor, Yolanda Harper, LCSW. For more information on Jennifer please visit the "About Us" section of our website.