STORY ARCHIVE

The Science of Dating: “How to Catch a Mate”

Everybody wants it but not all of us get it. So how do we go about becoming a sex magnet?

As more and more Australians go through adulthood desperate and dateless, Catalyst asks, can science provide clues on how to release the Romeo and Juliet that lies within us all.

In this episode, three human guinea pigs are put through their paces in the “lab of love”. We find out if pheromones (the smells of desire) can really turn on the partner of your dreams; whether fear is the ultimate aphrodisiac; and whether the body often says what the lips would never dare to mention?

There’s a lot of fun and a few anxious moments as we pull out all the stops in getting our subjects the dates they so desperately desire. Whose dreams will reign supreme? And who gets the Prince Charming or the Princess Perfect they’ve always dreamed of?

TRANSCRIPT

Narration: Meet three of Australia’s estimated 4.8 million single adults – Catriona …Hwei… and Michael.

They’re part of the fastest growing demographic in the country … with the number of people living alone predicted to double in the next 20 years.But like many others, this trio is unashamedly looking for that special someone … and are gearing up … to take the plunge.

Catriona: I’ve tried blind dates, set up with friends… dating sites and also trying fast dating and having drinks with 12 people – I’ve tried them all.

Narration: Tonight, we’re sending our love-challenged threesome Speed Dating, to watch them in action. But what they don’t know is that the other guests have all been hand-selected – elite members who are generally considered pretty hot.

Speed dating MC: You’ll go on a series of 10 eight minute dates so you write down the name of your date and record a yes or a no date… according to whether you want to see that person again.

Narration: Joining me is sexuality educator and researcher, Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, who will help us to understand some of the basic forces driving our mating rituals.

Dr Gabrielle Morrissey: We know men are visual … looking for attractive, feminine face, long hair, fertile body… women do it as well… brains are looking at their shoulder/waist ratio,… women attracted to power on some level.

Narration: And if we like what we see, we communicate our intent … not only with words … but with our bodies. In fact, some psychologists say 55% of our flirting is through body language … a skill some have down to a fine art.

Narration: When we first meet someone we find visually attractive, it triggers the hypothalamus and the limbic, or emotional, brain – the regions responsible for libido. The result is an outpouring of powerful chemicals – including the all-critical stimulant dopamine… sometimes referred to as the chemical of desire. Together with other neurohormones, it triggers a rush of excitement and feelings of elation.

Dr Gabrielle Morrissey: That’s what leads to that giggly, silly behaviour…. People are clicking!

Narration: So did our guinea pigs manage to click with the other speed daters?

Anna: Michael got two votes… Hwei two votes… Catriona three votes. A little bit lower than our elite members which is to be expected?

Narration: So where did they go wrong? The following day, we analyse the footage.

The first step is to understand the visual and behavioural messages our trio are sending.

Dr Gabrielle Morrissey: I’d like you to be remembered for you, not your shirt.

Dr Paul Willis: And there is an issue with the hair.

Michael: What?!

Narration: Michael’s other main issue is his communication skills.

Michael: I talk too much.

Dr Gabrielle Morrissey: The art of conversation is the art of active listening… we need to find your pause button.

Narration: Simple visual improvements are one thingBut can Michael change his signalling behaviour? To find out, we’re sending to him to an expert in communication … performance consultant, Melissa Bruce.

I know you said you’re self-conscious about your hands, but hands are assets … that’s when you’re flirting! But it’s still really subtle.

Catriona: I have been called the princess of subtlety.

Narration: Catriona’s challenge is to see if she can modify 30-odd years of learnt behaviour and loosen up.

Dr Paul Willis: Catriona, this is Csaba … Csaba teaches The Lambada.

Narration: Dancing is one arena where Catriona’s subtle ways just won’t cut it! So lesson number one – loosen the limbs, and get those hips moving.

Csaba: “turning hands, hips starting to move”

Narration: Lesson Number Two – and another one easily applied to the dating game - move closer… and I do mean close!

Narration: As in dancing … when a couple is hitting it off on a date, they’ll mirror each other’s actions … and synchronise their body rhythms. While it seems the lambada has loosened Catriona’s limbs will this help in her quest to become a better flirt?

Now it’s Hwei’s turn to come under the microscope. She arrived at speed dating straight from work … and didn’t dress to impress. It’s a missed opportunity really, because it doesn’t give you an opportunity to express anything about your personality, so we want to get you to use your clothes as use clothes as an added value in the social scene to express yourself.

Narration: Hwei’s conservative clothing choice is perhaps not the only thing holding her back. She has a very defined view of what she’s looking for.

Dr Helen Fisher: What your love map is an unconscious list of characteristics … build these up during your childhood.

Narration: Dr Fisher is Scientific Advisor for a commercial on-line dating site that utilises her research into brain chemistry.5.

Dr Helen Fisher: I know that all those other dating sites match by similarity … and I felt there was more to falling in love than your background. Why is it you fall in love with a person and not another? I felt biology would play a role as well as culture.

Narration: Fisher argues there are four distinct personality types, based on dominant hormones and neurotransmitters found in the chemistry of the brain.

For instance, she calls someone with high levels of dopamine, the Explorer … high serotonin, the Builder …high levels of the hormone oestrogen the Negotiator … and high testosterone…. The Director.

Narration: For instance, take a look at the length of your ring finger – is it longer than your index finger?

Dr Helen Fisher: Index finger slightly shorter than your ring finger.

Narration: If so, you are likely to have high levels of testosterone –the principal male sex hormone that determines physicality … libido … and fertility. This correlation was discovered nine years ago during a study conducted at the University of Liverpool.

Dr Helen Fisher: As testosterone washes over the brain in the womb, it builds the male brain and also the fourth finger, so people with a lot of testosterone in the womb will have a fourth finger that’s longer than the 2nd finger. So we can take a look at the hand and know how the brain is built.

Narration: Hwei may have set ideas of who she’s looking for but much of the science of attraction is beyond our control… according to evolutionary geneticist Professor David Briscoe from Macquarie University,

Professor David Briscoe: The subconscious is a very big part of choosing a mate for ourselves …it’s the scent, the shape of a potential partners body … is this person a potentially good mate for me.

Narration: Studies have shown that we subconsciously seek out a mate who is genetically different from us.

By combining so many different genes … in particular those that play a critical role in fighting disease... the healthier our offspring is likely to be.

Narration: But how do we check out someone’s immune system? Well, it seems we literally sniff it out.

Narration: But what if your natural pheromones have been washed down the drain … or are letting you down?

Dr Paul Willis: When it comes to selling sex, it helps to have science on your side. This product claims to be “scientifically designed to provide you with one of the most precious and powerful forces of nature.”

Narration: According to the label, the secret ingredient is alpha-androstenol – a hormone found in human sweat. And pig saliva. Which is great, if you want to pick up a pig!

Androstenol is said to signal youth and sociability – making the wearer feel more confident and open to communication – if not irresistible to women.But if, as Professor Briscoe suggests, we’re attracted to someone’s individual odour … which of course, is impossible to bottle … will hormone-laced cologne actually help in attracting a mate?

Dr Paul Willis: G’day Michael, are you up for an experiment?

Michael: Oh yes, I’m up for all sorts of experiments.

Dr Paul Willis: I have two fluids here , one is just a cologne the other is a cologne with pheromones that’s supposed to drive women wild… what we’d like you to do is put one on one day and the other the next, and then through the day take this clicker …and every time you have a flirty experience hit the clicker. OK?

Michael: Whoa!

Dr Paul Willis: Smelling good, go get em!

Michael: Well, I just got those three. .One two, three!

Narration: Over the next ten days, Michael will continue the experiment, recording his strike rate on each day.

Dr Paul Willis: G’day ladies!

Narration: Another powerful force that can play a part in attracting a mate… is fear. The theory is that in times of heightened emotions … sexual attraction is increased. This theory was put to the test in 1974 by psychologists Dutton and Aron … in a study commonly known as the Capilano Suspension Bridge experiment.

In it, two groups of men were asked to walk over one of two bridges – one a standard, low, stable bridge … the other a wobbly wooden suspension bridge dangling precariously over a 200 foot gorge. When the subjects were interviewed afterwards by an attractive female reporter, the men who’d walked the scary bridge responded with stronger sexual imagery than the men on the safe bridge… and were twice as likely to hit on the reporter.

So can the adrenaline rush from danger be mis-attributed as sexual attraction? I’m going to put the theory to the test.

Dr Paul Willis: I’m going to recruit six women to ride the terrifying new Superman rollercoaster … and I’ll get another six women to ride Marvin the Martian’s rocket ride. Then I’ll give them a list of 20 or so words that describe their experience, then I’ll try and pick them up.

Dr Paul Willis: Just want to ask you twenty questions.Do you feel happy?

Woman #1 - rollercoaster: Yes

Dr Paul Willis: Do you feel Strong?

Woman #2 - rollercoaster: Very much.

Dr Paul Willis: Down?

Woman #3 - rollercoaster: … no

Dr Paul Willis: Sexy ?

Woman #4 - rollercoaster : Maybe, yeah!

Dr Paul Willis: Passive ?

Woman #5 - rollercoaster : Not at allDr Paul Willis: Powerful ?

Woman #6 - rollercoaster : Yeah!

Dr Paul Willis: Calm?

Woman #2 - rollercoaster: no

Dr Paul Willis: Aggressive ?

Woman #3 - rollercoaster: Not at all

Dr Paul Willis: Naughty

Woman from rollercoaster: Yeah, I want to go again!

Dr Paul Willis: Engaged?

Woman #2 - rollercoaster: Very much

Dr Paul Willis: Exhilarated?

Woman #4 - rollercoaster: Very much

Dr Paul Willis: Wild?

Woman #3 - rollercoaster: Yeah!

Dr Paul Willis: In control?

Woman from rollercoaster: Very much.

Dr Paul Willis: Do you feel Flirty ?

Woman #2 - rollercoaster: Maybe (laughs)

Dr Paul Willis: Challenged ?

Woman #4 - rollercoaster: Very much so

Dr Paul Willis: Turned on?

Woman #2 - rollercoaster: Yeah!

Narration: So far, the theory holds true – there was definitely a strong response to sexually loaded language from these women. But let’s compare the results to the control… - Marvin the Martian Rocket ride …

Dr Paul Willis: Happy?

Woman #1 - rocket ride: Very much

Dr Paul Willis: Strong?

Woman #2 - rocket ride: No

Dr Paul Willis: Collected ?

Woman #3 - rocket ride: A bit

Dr Paul Willis: Down

Woman #4 - rocket ride: no

Dr Paul Willis: Sexy

Woman #5 - rocket ride: Not at all

Dr Paul Willis: Passive ?

Woman #1 - rocket ride: No

Dr Paul Willis: Calm?

Woman #2 - rocket ride: A bit

Dr Paul Willis: Aggressive ?

Woman #3 - rocket ride: Not at all

Dr Paul Willis: Naughty?

Woman #4 - rocket ride: Not really

Dr Paul Willis: Engaged ?

Woman #5 - rocket ride: Very much

Dr Paul Willis: Exhilarated ?

Woman #1 - rocket ride: Not at all

Dr Paul Willis: Tame ?

Woman #2 - rocket ride: yes.

Dr Paul Willis: Wild ?

Woman #3 - rocket ride: no

Dr Paul Willis: Flirty ?

Woman from rocket ride: Not at all

Dr Paul Willis: Challenged?

Woman #4 - rocket ride: No

Dr Paul Willis: Turned on ?

Woman #5 - rocket ride: No!

Narration: So, what were the results?The women who rode Marvin the Martian Rocket Ride were certainly less likely to describe the experience as sexy, flirty or naughty than those who rode the rollercoaster.

Narration: But what about my pick-up abilities? Let’s watch Mr Smooth in action with the rollercoaster women…

Dr Paul Willis: Were in town for the next three nights or so, want to meet up for a drink?

Woman #1 - rollercoaster : Yeah

Dr Paul Willis: Want to meet up for a drink?

Woman #2 - rollercoaster : Yeah OK

Dr Paul Willis: Want to meet up for a drink?

Woman #3 rollercoaster : No…

Woman #4 - rollercoaster : Yeah

Dr Paul Willis: Want to meet up for a drink?

Woman # 5- rollercoaster : Yeah OK

Dr Paul Willis: Want to meet up for a drink?

Woman # 6- rollercoaster : ok

Narration: Five out of six … what a stud!!!

Narration: But will I have the same luck with the women on Marvin the Martian Rocket Ride?

Narration: I’ll take that as a no … making it just two out of the six who were willing to meet up with me again!

So, in keeping with the Capilano Bridge experiment, the theory appears to hold true – there does seem to be some connection between fear and attraction. But why? Once again, it’s thought to be related to brain chemistry … in particular to dopamine, which gushes out when we feel that first rush of attraction … or terror.

Dr Helen Fisher: This is why you feel such energy, such elation, such despair…. Trying to win life’s greatest prize, the right mating partner.

Narration: So thanks to a bit of fear, it appears my reputation as a stud muffin is firmly in tact.

But what about that other guy we let loose on the women of Australia … with pheromones raging?!

Dr Paul Willis: With the blue you got a total of eleven hits over the five days that you had that on. So that’s an average of 2.2 hits per day.

With the red you recorded 12 hits which is an average of 2.4 hits per day. So there’s no real difference between the two.

Michael: No.. There isn’t .

Dr Paul Willis: And yet is the red one that has the pheromone in it. That is supposed to make you attractive Would you continue using this?

Michael: Yeah totally!

Dr Paul Willis: Why?

Michael: Why ? Because I had such great responses from everyone I went out with.

Narration: Despite Michael’s enthusiasm for the pheromone spray, I think the results speak for themselves.

Professor David Briscoe: The advice I give is trust your eyes and nose… being close to someone … that may well mean you’re a good biological couple …maybe time to say thanks but no thanks and more on.

Narration: Meanwhile, Hwei is nervously waiting for her chemically matched blind date. Could it be a match made in hormonal heaven?

Dr Paul Willis: Hwei, this is your blind date Alex … stop! Before you talk, I want you to take part in a scientific experiment. Please take a seat.

I want you to look into each others eyes for the next four minutes – no talking – don’t break that gaze. Your time starts now…

Narration: Studies have shown that the most emotionally loaded act possible is meeting the gaze of someone you find attractive.In research conducted at the State University of New York, strangers who gazed into each other’s eyes for just four minutes confessed to feeling a strong attraction. Some even went on to fall in love.

Dr Paul Willis: So what’s going on here? Well, according to neuroscientists, meeting another person’s gaze lights up the brain regions associated with reward – and addiction … it’s that old chemical favourite again, dopamine.

Dr Paul Willis: Staring into each others eyes is supposed to be a good way of building attraction. DO you feel the attraction now?

Alex: You do increase the level of intimacy based on eye contact

Hwei: You lose your inhibition quick quickly.

Narration: With dopamine flowing through their systems, Hwei and Alex continue their date … and seem to be hitting if off.

But all this scientific insight - brain chemicals, hormones, visual cues - does it actually help explain why one person finds another attractive?

Dr Gabrielle Morrissey: It’s one of those things, attraction… can’t put your finger on. Sometimes nature has to take its course.

Dr Helen Fisher: There will always be magic to love … too many factors… very simple when it happens to you. You walk into a room and BOOM! It’s the simplest thing on earth to love somebody.

Dr Gabrielle Morrissey: Was finding out how your brain works and how you can match to another person, did that allow you any flexibility?

I would definitely say I'm less specific much more open and I’m meeting a lot wider group of people who are a lot more interesting than I would have expected.

Catriona: I was at a party and had a chance to use my flirting skills. I held postures, held my champagne glass, flicked my hair, and this guy just jumped in front of me and said he said to me “You’re the best flirt in the world”. I said, “could you repeat that”?

Dr Paul Willis: And how did you find the training?

Michael: Very good, It taught me a lot . Particularly that way I use my hands, and the way I talk and letting the other person have the chance to talk.

Dr Gabrielle Morrissey: I’m looking at a new man .you look very attractive, seem very confident. I say success!

Narration: In fact, Michael later told me he’s met someone new … and thinks he might be ready to take the first step.

Dr Paul Willis: So simple … yet so complex … as science attempts to deconstruct one of the great mysteries of life. From evolutionary imperatives … to the rush of glorious brain chemicals … perhaps all we can do is be aware … and take a leap into the unknown…