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Saturday, August 2, 2014

Monica says to Chandler, ‘Coming over to my work place and
telling me that you love me, I want that. Talking about pig sex over lunch, I DON’T
WANT THAT.’

I mean, seriously! How difficult is it to have a nice
conversation with someone?

Now don’t get me wrong, by nice conversation, I didn’t mean super
butt kissing or anything like that. Neither did I suggest being over the top –
too good to be true – Mother Teresa version of yourself. Because even I know that there is a limit to
the number of thank yous, sorries and goodmornings and goodnights that one can
take in a day. Nobody likes a Mr Nice Bucket but the least one can do is to keep
it real – minus any façade, you know?

‘Goodmorning dear, have a nice day.’ This very phrase puts
me to sleep. Seriously, snore snore snore. Some might say, what is wrong with
this? But I swear, I get up, read one or two such texts and then automatically
fall back to sleep only to reach my office late. (Go ahead judge me all you
want but that’s the ugly truth.)

You want to be the first one they read from in the morning?
Then make it worth their while.

Or else, do you know how are they going to
remember your wish? It’s when they are fully awake and you send another
goodafternoon message and suddenly they’d be like, oh did he wish me in the
morning as well or did I dream about that.. let me just scroll up. No one is
asking you to send images, forwarded texts or mind numbingly long senti messages
(with an unedited love you Tamanna in the end.) Just a ‘howdy babe’ shall
suffice, as long as you wrote it like you said it.

But if this is too damn difficult and you seriously can’t
think of a better way to wish someone in the morning – then just wish it in
your head – you don’t really have to text it. God will still listen to you, even
though he is not on watsapp. Because by sending that darned text, trust me, you
are making your own case worse.

See if you really do care for some one – please go ahead and
show them that (although, trust me on this, don’t go overboard – you don’t want
to come off as very clingy) – but yes, everyone likes to know that there is
someone who cares for them, so there – that’s your silver lining. However, in
your bid to tell them that – never please, lose face. It’s very important that
you know this.

I am sure you must have come across some people getting too
familiar for your taste – You know? Like they grew up playing unch neech ka papda with you or
something. While all they really know about you is your first name and maybe
your last name. I mean, what’s that all about?

‘Hor fer kiddan soneyo?’ Roughly translated ‘And how’s it
going hot stuff?’ - Lol! A message like
this from a near stranger is a worse than a lukewarm ‘Goodmorning Dear’ from a friend. Utter
Killjoy! SO KINDLY have yourself vaccinated against this chaddi buddy syndrome.

Now if at all you are one of those people who think that all
this is asking for too much – then please o please don’t rub our faces in your
perfectly custom made too cool for school life.

From a good date to a good maid – they are so difficult to
find. But you know who is becoming even more extinct by the day – a good conversationalist.

Some are trying too hard.

Some are not trying at all.

And the one’s in the middle – they have their own fuck ups..
Someone is too self obsessed. Someone is just too depressed. And someone has a
girlfriend ;-)

All in all back to square one.

You know people go out to clubs and lounges to socialize… I
swear if they had a place where people went just to have good conversations – I’d
be a sureshot regular over there.

But I guess, in today’s fast moving world that is just too
much to ask.

I mean who has the time to bond. Talk shmalk – forget it - they
come, they see and they want to conquer but instead what happens is a plunder.

You know, girls make lists of how they wish their man to be.
The ability to chat me up – I think is one of the biggest requisites on my
bucketlist.

Unassuming, down to earth and steady - are the other
qualities that are a must in him. But
still somehow he has to – has to – be a great conversationalist. And by that it
doesn’t just mean that I’d go yippety yappity boom.. and he'd just listen.
Yawn! That is not my idea of a good conversation. He has to have it in him to
make me want to listen too. Which almost never happens. I am worried
for my future, seriously.

And boy! Do I enjoy that once in the bluest moon conversation.

No wonder a good conversationalist, knows his worth in my eyes with in a matter of few days because suddenly I am too hooked and I have to find ways to keep it under tabs. Lucky for me, like I said, it almost never happens to me. However, when it does...