Dear Harry, I’ve never written to a newspaper before but my brother and I are so unhappy. Every time I come home from university, and my brother from his job in Edinburgh, our parents are arguing from breakfast to bedtime. It was never like this when we were growing up. We both adore our mum and dad as individuals but they seem to have grown apart. The atmosphere during the summer was dreadful.

Sara, NG2

Dear Sara

I usually advise young people not to interfere in their parents’ relationships. As with the Australian television soap operas, in which 12-year-olds routinely counsel their parents and grandparents on emotional issues, it is likely to end in tears.

Even so, you and your brother are a lot older than 12 and you share the family home. You are, therefore, entitled to have your say.

You should still do it with caution. There is always the danger that you will learn something you’d rather not have learned. Get it wrong and one or both of your parents will resent your involvement.

The departure of grown-up children is one of two major events that can change the dynamics of a maturing partnership. The other is retirement from work. Adjustment is sometimes uncomfortable.

But that is merely the theory: we (you!) don’t know if there is not a more specific factor in the deterioration of your parents’ relationship. The question is, will you and your brother feel better for knowing it? And will you be able to do anything about it?

I hope it turns out well for all four of you. I know it’s difficult, but you should remember that while your parents’ partnership might be right for you, it might no longer be right for them. It’s their marriage, not yours.