What's the difference?

I have posted a lot the last couple of days because I am so exhausted physically and emotionally. My 4 month old DD will not sleep. She cries and cries and cries in my arms or DH's. DH is also at his wits end. He says he wants to let her cry it out. I refuse. He says what is the difference between her crying in our arms or crying it out in her crib. Does anyone have specific research that shows the difference. He says he won't help me anymore if she is just going to cry anyway. I have an appointment with her Pedi tomorrow to discuss possibly getting her on something else for her GERD. We have tried absolutely everything to get her to sleep. I feel like I literally can't do it anymore.

Re: What's the difference?

The difference is: Letting her cry it out in her crib is sending her the message that you aren't there. This causes stress. Research shows that babies left to CIO alone have higher heart rates, and more anxiety. Also, while they are alone in their room crying, cortisol is being released into their bodies because of this stress. CIO does damage, not just psychological (which I'm sure you've heard about and may or may not believe) but physical. The cortisol is real. You can google the effects it has on the brain. So it's NOT the same as when baby is crying in your arms. The crying is for a reason (it's the only form of communication they have) and crying in your arms isn't producing the same levels of stress on the baby. The pain is there, but so is the comfort from mama.

And if she is in pain because of GERD she isn't trying to cry. If you were in pain would you rather cry on the shoulder of your dh or in a room by yourself where you can here your loved ones but they aren't coming to comfort you? My son had silent reflux. If the meds aren't working for your little one, she is indeed in a lot of pain. The acid burns on the way up the esophagus as well as on the way down. Double whammy.

I know it's very hard and very stressful for YOU as well. It's not easy when you can't seem to get your own baby to stop crying but it's worth it in the end mama, it's worth it to try. She isn't trying to manipulate you. She is in pain. There is a lot going on a 4 months (in addition to the gerd issues) that makes it hard to sleep. There are teeth coming in, new milestones, and a growth spurt.

I'm sure you've read what to do to help the gerd at home, but in case there is something you've missed THIS website has a bunch of things to try to make baby more comfortable. Also, if you look above that part of the page there is some general information that you may find helpful. My favourite tips were to sleep on an incline and feed baby more frequently so there were smaller amounts in the belly - keeping baby in an upright position for at least 20 minutes after nursing.

ETA: Are you co-sleeping? That helped us tremendously

~Jenn~

mother of 2 boys!08/14/98~~03/20/08Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

Re: What's the difference?

Completely agree with Jenn. My DD was the same as yours and our only saving grace was going outside just to get her calmed down even a little, baby wearing so I wasn't as physically exhausted and having family near by to relieve me and DH. Either of the last two a possibility?

Hang in there!

Also, check with your pedi to make sure your LO is on the right dosage of their medicine. Found out my DD had to increase based on age and weight and that helped a LOT too!

Re: What's the difference?

Agree with PP. :nod

plus babywearing can keep LO in upright position~ which help with reflux.

3/2011 {EBF to 6mos, now BF and BLS, CD, EC'ing since 5mos - in underwear at 11mos, and babywearing} Babywearing International has chapters - see if there's one near you... most have lending libraries!

Re: What's the difference?

It is very frustrating when everything we do doesn't stop the crying. But the evidence is overwhelming that CIO is stressful. It isn't biologically normal. Leaving a baby alone crying would mean a wild animal would have eaten that baby. Crying in your arms because baby has a medical problem is different. But it bugs your DH because he wants to fix it. Mine used to get super frustrated with it too.

Babywear. Cosleep. Get new meds. Wait it out. For some babies, I think it is part of their personality too. My major crier, my first (who screamed if he was awake for months) is super noisy even now.

Re: What's the difference?

Just thought I'd throw this out there on the off chance it might help your situation... Maybe chiropractic or craniosacral therapy could help...both can treat a wide variety of issies and babies respond especially well to both types of therapies. I know not everyone is open to alternative health modalities but I'm a big believer in bodywork (could be partial to it since I am a massage therapist who uses craniosacral therapy in my practice) anyway, if that is something you'd be willing to consider, be sure to find someone who works specifically with babies as there is special training involved for that. Www.upledger.com has a list of craniosacral practitioners that you can search for in your area.