Two out of three paper shufflers have concluded that I am "high strung," that I need to pop a couple of pills, and that I am also in dire need of what they call a "life." I have always firmly believed that since my heart beat and my mind thought, I am indeed in possession of life; it is merely the lifestyle that is the debate. Explaining that I prefer books over the movies, would rather go to the theatre or a museum than a party, and have hobbies that include "art, photography, and writing" only seems to reinforce this strange "no life" perception.

...

There are many scenes where Rin is, for one reason or another, is separated from her red kosode and is attired in only an undergarment. It appears to be a single article. But due to grievous errors in its construction, my Frankenstein lays so incorrectly, it messes every other layer up ... which, when combined with my newbness to wearing multiple garments of more yards than I am tall, makes for me being completely unable to dress myself. I knew the first attempt was screwed up, but I didn't think it was that screwed up. I am currently hoping to salvage it by turning it into two pieces. If this fails, my subsequent course of action will depend on how much time I have left after completing the yellow pseudo-obi and painting. If possible, I shall return to the closing JoAnn's, raid their muslin, and make a new underrobe. If this is just not going to happen, as I currently work from 8:30 to 5:00, and buses = longer commute time, then I will make just a collar out of the stiffer fabric I have, remove the (thankfully not too awful) sleeves from the Frankenrobe, and fake the lined look for Katsu.

[Edit: Damn! I think I'm still going to need help getting dressed. I don't get it. "Straighten out excess material to the side" ...? How??? I know that as far as kimono go, "tubular" is an okay shape, but "blimp-like" is not, and I'm looking more blimped than tubed. This is definitely a much more complex process, I'm going to bed. More practice tomorrow.]

...

I attempted to explain depression to a coworker who, it seems, has never suffered from it. I was unable to successfully communicate the idea that it is always there, and that having a regular job only helps by relieving me of some of the symptoms ... not the problem itself. Everything is still there, just not as close to the surface. Right before my mind blanks out while doing data entry, I'll find myself thinking that my life is misguided, or that I am a waste and what I am doing is naught but waste, or that I am unsuited for any occupation, or that I do not deserve dreams. Push it away, fall into a waking coma, no matter. You'll still feel the same the next time you're about to pass out from overwhelming boredom. At least it's not retail ... at least it's not retail ... I can't do anything, can I? Not satisfied with anything, am I?

Your dress will look fine! Panicking leads to extra-tension, and that only reduces your true potential.

As far as depression goes, though work does help alleviate it, I've come to the conclusion that the only way to get rid of it is to work on your end-goal in life-- why you exist in the first place. Think of your current job as a stepping stone towards your end-goal-- use it, discard it when you no longer need it, just to get at your end goal in life.

See you at Katsu next weekend! Let's see how entertaining I am in real life. XD [I'm deafeningly quiet IRL... probably more so than Bela.]