May 02, 2008

Hot Poker Sex

Last night I went to my favorite place in Los Angeles, the Commerce Casino, for some hot poker sex. Did I win? Let’s put it this way: yes.

Most of you have probably never seen that much money in one place before and chances are you’re freaking out. I don’t blame you. That’s A LOT of money. So much money that I don’t feel safe walking around, even with my ever-present security guard Major Quimby (pictured below).

Normally I like to tell my readers where I’m going to be on a daily basis (donating blood, helping orphans, etc.) but Major Quimby has advised me to keep my whereabouts a secret until I deposit this cash in one of my numerous offshore accounts. Major Quimby is a total fag.

That's a LOT of chedda, big boy. Is it wrong to be turned on? How much is that? (She asks the air)

And Quimby is a killjoy bubble bustin' mother trucker. You can tell HIM from ME to go hang it high. You don't need no body guard cramping your free spirited style. You're like the wind. Flying solo and fast. Watch OUT NOW!

Are you and Major Quimby one in the same? Is that your stripper name? Is that your stripper outfit? Are the butt cheeks cut out? Can you wear that when you answer the door for me at the Double Tree, RM 69 and some change?

Shame. You in LA with all that cash burning a hole in your pocket and me hosting this little event tonight. And by hosting, I mean that I am thinking about attending but haven't committed yet. Plus, if it gets too late to drive back, I know of a great place where you can stay over.... You gotta be out by 11am though, we have a 6 and under girl's softball game championship to attend and I don't want to have to worry about you rummaging through my things while I'm not here. (Don't think I didn't notice my missing leopard-print nightie and kitten-heel slippers from last time;)
-Zane

Casino for a Cause benefiting Kids Korp.

15931 Via de Santa Fe, RSF, CA 92067
Directions:

From Interstate 5
Go East on Villa de la Valle
Turn Right on Calzada del Bosque
Turn Right on Via de Santa Fe
15931 will be on your left
Valet parking provided

Friday, May 2, 2008 5:30--11p.m.

Casual Attire
A few seats are still available, call Kids Korps 858.259.3602
Tickets are $125 each
For guests wishing to gamble, optional minimum chip buy in: $150
Fabulous prizes for the winners

Benjamin Franklin is such a snob. Especially when he's surrounded by all his buddies. Look at him in that picture, all nose-in-the-air with those droopy "well, don't you just want me" eyes. Cocky bald-headed bastard. I do.

I hope Michael has Hot Poker Sex on top of you and all your pals, Benny. Jerk.

Maintain a calm deportment when you play even when the game becomes heated. Do not ever give your opponents hints through your gestures and body language about what is going to be your move. Perfect timing is also essential in a poker game.

Reading this blog because some poker guy had something to say. So hey, I hope you still have Quimby in your employ. You're back on that aphrodisia-box, aka tv, so you'll need him to fend off the chicks and their flying panties. Like he could block them with his elbow. You know like Tom Jones or Engelbert Humperdink. Or as I like to call him Engeldink Humperbird. Ha!!!

The Constitution also provides the Snyders a right to privacy and the pursuit of happiness. This was a pinpointed verbal assault/attack on another family and therefore this Phelps guy and his wacko followers should be prosecuted.