2ve: I got a text from Sho saying that he wants me, you and him to review a mixtape together

*T’s iPhone 5 (yes, iPhone 5) beeps….text message*

Ode! I am not coming to the office to do any review. I am in Ghana with my Ghanian princess, Efya. This babe’s skin is sooooo soft. It’s like cocobutter mixed with a baby cloud. Tuvie is coming over. Please keep him on a leash. All those his yeye bingo talk he be giving guys on twitter is not allowed here. Peace out…Remember! Dont tell Tiwa…or Tonii…or Temi Dollf…

*closes text*

2ve: Whats up?

T: Sho is a mad donkey

2ve: So where is Sho?

T: He wont be joining us, you can take his place. You know the rules…Let’s begin but before we do, introduce yourself

2ve: I have no idea what to say so i will say this….

T: Okay let me introduce you…Tuvie says Skinny chicks need to stop being friends with fat beetches. It’s annoying when he wants talk to you but your fat friend wants to be part of the conversation. By the way, Mad Men rules, The Wire also…and Kobe is the greatest basketball player ever to play the game

2ve: Hey, thats too much.

Intro feat Ushbebe

2ve: Funny intro. Real life comedian?

T: Real life comedian ke 😦 not funny at all

2ve: Had me giggling a bit tho.Took a slight jab at BankyW.

T: So we can give it the little ‘lol’?

Money on my Mind

2vae: Great way to start. Sounds like a movie.

T: What kind of feem? Action Feem or Hahaha feem?

2ve: Action film. Bad guy walking away from an explosion

T: Nice mellow beat…catchy chorus

2ve: Didn’t care much for the raps. Nothing important was being said

T: Notice how DP was counting imaginary money at the end? He should show us the way please

1 million…1million and one? 1million and two right

4 Quarters feat Gidi Gang

T: This right here is my jam!!!!!

2ve: oh shit! I’m not even gon lie, the flows on this were heavy..

T: Period

2ve: huh

T: #WeezyBars

2ve: I am lost. Like i was saying…the flows were heavy especially the 2nd quarter.

T: All the MCs came correct!!!

2ve: When you start a verse with “We end races, cats like you pass batons” you know there’s gon be problems.

T: You gotta love dope ish like this

2ve: Them dudes rapped like they were on meth. Dope 3rd verse too.

T: so lets rate the order of dopeness…

2ve: 2Q, 3Q, 1Q, 4Q.

T: For me…. 2Q, 1Q and 4Q and 3Q

2ve: Mean joint…Well except when the last guy said “guess I am the shit and not a poo poo stain”. Take that to a Lil Wayne joint

T: HAHAHAHA!!….. Anyways ‘these four dope rappers are fantastic’

Love Me X3 (dark poet remix)

2ve: You know what Tiwa needs to do…she needs to pick up the phone and call this guy cos he just murked her beat

T: I think i am tired of this beat already so i wasn’t paying attention to Dp’s verses

2ve: Kinda reminds me of Wale. I can bet he listens to Wale

T: Errrm Tuvie, i don’t think you want Tiwa calling Dp…

2ve: Why not?

T: Becos that ode that is with Efya in Ghana…Tiwa is his Chief Baby mama

2ve: What is a Chief Babymama?

T: See eh. Sho has lots of babymamas but Tiwa is his….wait…why the fuck am i explaining this??? Hiss

2ve: LOL. i am soo lost.

Numbers

2ve: Ok i see what he did here with the numbers thing. But some of the numbers didn’t make sense

T: This is a real rap. My favourite jam on this tape. I enjoyed the storytelling. They don’t do rap songs like these no more.

2ve: Ok i might be new to this but what does ‘but even the nearest beach had 6 shores’???

T: i don’t have a daft answer for this….let’s call Sho

*…Dials +234706238****..*

S: Hello?

T: A Yo Sho, How is Ghana and Efya?

S: Its sweet Charlie! You know…me and hair are going to the beach over their

2ve: LOL

T: *Shakes head* We got a question…what did Dp mean by “even the nearest beach had 6 shores”

2ve: Like i was saying, i like the beat. Sounds like a Preemo beat without the scratching. Cool song but what was the moral of the story

T: errrm…Let me think 6 times

100 bars

T: I don’t know but i was expecting more. I think the beat was too playful for starters

2ve: Someone in the background kept yelling “only Punchlines oh” so that’s what I expected. Sadly I can’t remember any. Look, if you start off that way I expect to rewind a couple times to pick up on stuff I missed He said NOTHING!

T: Honestly, i have heard better verses from Dark Poet

2ve: Notice how we are half way through the review and I still haven’t quoted Dark Poet?

T: Its not all about punchlines and metaphors ooo….go and see Canibus

2ve: I have sha not rewinded his verses yet.

DOA (Gidi Gang remix)

T: We already know Gidi Gang can rap…Jay-z would cosign this remix

2ve: The “can’t eat you cause I’m wacktose intolerant” line had me in pain when I heard it. Why do rappers do this to us?

T:LOOL…you know its like Lactose and wacktose na…X_X (na Weezy cause all this). That’s the thing about punchlines…it can make or spoil your song

T: LOL. Tuvie u don’t know what you have done.someone is gonna be very happy with that rating. I agree with it tho

2ve: The first guy might just be the Crooked I of the group. Gritty raps

Back Up feat. D-Truce and Efa

2ve: Didn’t take anything from this track. “Killing niggas now I got primitive paranoia”. that’s all I remember

T: I think all the rappers came correct. ‘I do it for the paper like editors’

2ve: Its like i have heard most of the metaphors/punchlines before “Standing out, outstanding” “Missed the point, free throws” “Beefing, butchers” “Flows, menopause” “Dynamites, blow up” You get my point?

T: hahaha! True that.

Hold On feat Buki Adesina

T: Am I the only one that though this was a JustBlaze produced track?

2ve: Tunde, you are the only one that thought that LoL

T: I’ll keep quiet then

2ve: I’m sitting this track out, nothing fancy here

T: Decent tracks..all the MCs did their thing

2ve: Which track are you talking bout?. I was referring to ‘Hold on’

T: Oh..I was talking about the Ceemos track..that’s the one I said was JB produced

2ve: Ohhhh yeaaaah that sounds like a Just Blaze production

T: Hold on..one minute of silence *lighter in the air* Ode to his hommie DaGrin and dana air peeps…just what u’d expect from a song like this

T: Like I said before sounds Just Blaze produced…all the MC’s did their thing

2ve: Teeto ALWAYS comes through. Teeto will now say some shit like “oh nah, that was off the dome” Nigga you wrote it!

T: HAHAHAHA

2ve: I didn’t even get to the 3rd guy 😦

My President (Gidi Gang remix)

T: SlaughterHouse!!! Oh..sorry Gidi Gang

2ve: “The only time I lose is when I untie”? What pissed me off was the fact that he paused after that line, like he said some shit we gon be reciting for forever.

T: wooo you too dey critic every line. I’m a GidiGang groupie now

2ve: “My president is sick” correct me if I’m wrong, he wrote this when Yar’adua was in power, right? Anyways as usual the Backstreet Boys came through on this one but this is 2012, let’s keep the raps fresh

T: Cypha had the best verse to me on this one

2ve: I cant pick anyone on this song. It was rather average

Fimile (Dark Poet remix)

2ve: Nothing to say to this track

T: When I heard the ‘kas beats’ it brought back memories of Kas’s Fimile album..the wackest album I’ve ever heard

2ve: Kas dropped an album?

T: Nothing special here too..no stand out verse or nothing

2ve: No be only 2 tracks Kas get? So was it a 2 track album?

T: Don’t even bother!! Kas’ album was too wack

Verdict

2ve: So do we drop verdicts after a review?

T: Yep.verdict. then wRaps over 5

2ve: Alright. You go first

T: I’ve heard waaaay better DP verses, this mixtape didn’t really cut it for me. It’s just a little above average for me. Besides a few stand out songs, nothing ‘wowed’ me. But i guess it is an unmixed mixtape. Next time he should mix it sha. Shoutout to Dhecade. besides a few hiccups, his beats were banging *now bumping the Gidi Gang, Numbers and Teeto featured track*

2ve: This is the 1st time i am hearing him and all i gotta say is take the ‘Poet’ out your name. Keep it simple. When you hear a name that heavy you expect dude to kick mad knowledge. I mean check ‘Black Thought’. That’s why 50cent gave himself that name, his rap skills didn’t last longer than change in your pocket. Some of the songs were hard but other were really watered down. If I wanna listen to watered down shit I’d pull out Ice Princess’s whole catalogue

T: AH! This Tuvie na haTCH nigga

2ve: I’m slightly pissed I gave up listening to the new Justin Bieber album for this. At least JB is watered down all thru. This tape just teases you with some hard shit! I like the cover art tho…that counts for something right?

T: ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ ) You have made your point

2ve: LoL! I have a feeling you and Sho aren’t gon invite me to review anything anytime soon