I was recently contacted to help a grad student gather data for her Master’s Thesis in Psychology. The following is her question with a link to a short survey for those who qualify to answer along with their spouse or significant other of 10 years or longer. She is specifically looking for 60 couples of two groups – one group who at least one partner has bipolar disorder, and the second group of couples who do not have bipolar disorder. If you have further questions about the survey please click on the link for contact information. I personally do not have any involvement in this survey/study beyond posting this information here and the link. I am not being compensated in any way for my assistance and am posting of my own free will.

Like this:

A lot of these hit the nail on the freaking head perfectly. The only one that kind of made me a little angry was #2. Here’s why… My daughter has type 1 diabetes and relies on external insulin to remain alive. You’d think for people it would be pretty simple to understand that not taking insulin = very sick and possibly dead. But there are still all these people out there (and advertisements) who say “You don’t need insulin.. just go for a run and eat some vegetables.” “Here have some cinnamon”. There’s ignorance regarding just about every illness out there whether there is physical, quantifiable evidence of it or not. Someone out there is always going to say “Pull yourself up by your boot straps… you don’t need to do/take/use that to get better.”

And after having lived with bipolar disorder for the past several years and now being the parent of a kid with type 1 diabetes… they are very similar. Obviously, they are diagnosed and treated way differently..but they are both lots of highs and lows, reaching for the ever elusive middle that is so fleeting and often seems impossible to attain. Meanwhile, everyone else seems to have some opinion, some judgment about why you can’t get and stay in “the middle”, something you’re doing wrong, like you’re just experiencing these roller coaster highs and lows for pity, or attention, or whatever.

Some of us just have more stuff to wade through. And #18 is pretty spot on in this regard. If you don’t have to wade through all this hard stuff then please reserve your judgment. It just makes it harder to ask for help when we finally build up the strength to ask. NO one asked to have a chronic illness (whether mental or physical), no one is at fault here. Certainly not the person living with it. It’s great to offer support, but think about what you’re saying before you say it. A little empathy goes a long way.