Redskin Chris Cooley's nuptials are happening this Friday, and what better way to express his joyfulness and show off his hot-ass soon-to-be wife than post a long, heartfelt story about his pending marriage at the House That Mottram Built.

Here's a passage that every man headed to the altar should probably publish somewhere before the big day to earn some major lifetime leverage in the relationship:

While I can't wait to put the ring on I've had some resoundingly bad conversations over the last couple of months. Golf may have an uncountable list of ethics, though bothering a complete stranger about getting married is not one of them. First of all, I'm excited for the big day, so please don't feel sorry for me because marriage sucks for you. No, I'm not nervous, I don't want any marriage advice, and yes Christy's mom is still hot.

You bastard.

And greetings. It's gonna be a fun day. Pull your monitors up nice and close, grab an icy beverage, and let's rock the body that rocks the party as we kickstart this weekend of bloody hamburgers, flaccid hot dogs, and randomly hooking up with some spray-tanned vixen at the OD in Sea Isle City.

Hit me up with your tips and things or send me random photos of Hatfield hams at ajd@deadspin.com