finding the strength to carry on.

Hi.
Well title says it all really. Been having a bad spell with depression and anxiety over the last couple of weeks and the last couple of days have been especialy hard.

I called my mh worker today to speak with her but she was out so i asked them to leave a message for her to call me back unfortuntly she didnt. Really could have done with speaking with her today as i feel none of my other support really understand what depression anxiety is like and in all honestly i have found it hard to be open.
Not that i havent wanted to but because ive not wanted to communicare with others as i feel unable to talk and also dont want people to really know how i am feeling insode.

I still manage to get both my chidren to school and nursery on time. I do that because they and i need that time away from each other. Im exhausted by my sons obsessive behaviour hes adorable and i love him to pieces and wouldnt have him no other way but he is utter hard work.

My daughter doesnt like her room keeps telling me there s a man in there that plays with her lightbublb she has these looks of absoulte terror on her face and its hard to see her be so distressed. So most nights now she is in with me. Hv talked aboit second sight even asked me if there is any claivoyiants in my family. I dont know i dont know what to make of it but i worry.

I wprry about my kids so much i even lose sleep over them. I dont sleep properly as it is. So come tea time i find it hard to keep my eyes open ill keep going and going trying to stay awake but sometimes i fail and i do
Fall asleep.

I have been here in this low point so many times but it never seems any eaysier than the last time.

Hi Shelley
Im sorry to see you back again..
Just really 2 things is all i can say is.Unless your honest with your professionals then how do you expect them to help you through this rough time.sadly shelley you do need to be honest.

nd 2nd thing im really shocked at such a stupid comment from your hv totally unprofessional in my eyes.From memory your dds what 2/3 which is usally around the time they can suffer night terrors.Both mine had the most horrifc time.I remember spending many anight hoovering out clowns or soldiers..A night light helped both mine.

Sadly shell we all ove our kids but bedtime is bedtime and in ther eown rooms maybe leaving a light on and lots reassurance would help her

I'm sorry that you find yourself back here after feeling so low over the last couple of weeks

How are you feeling today?

I can see that you called your MH Worker yesterday but they were unable to take your call and then didn't ring you back. How frustrating for you Shelley. Have you managed to get hold of them today? Is this something you could do? Please do try and get hold of them today Shelley. I do understand that it is hard to be open about how you are really feeling but it important for the professionals around you to know what's happening with you emotionally so that they can offer you the right support

It sounds as though your daughter waking in the night and saying there is a man in her room is worrying you Shelley. What was your reaction to your HV when she said that Shelley? It doesn't sound like a very helpful comment

Mary has mentioned possible night terrors. Is this something you have heard of Shelley? We do have some information about both night terrors and nightmares here. Do have a read through when you can. Do you think that this is something that could be happening with your daughter?

Does little one have a night light at all Shelley? If not, do you think this is something that might help?

Thanks for your reply mary. I spoke with my mh worker today and was completley honest with her. she is going to phone my childrens sw so i can speak with her also. Mh worker thinks be helpful for kids sw to visit more often just until this blip is over.

I know what your saying about hv though. I do give dd lots of reassurance wen she goes to bed and has the lbedroom light and landing light on all night. she kinds of freaks out as soon as i mention bedtime. I will get there with her . Shes done this before and had witnesses. She even does the seeing things when she is awake. So i can only reassure her. She will sit in living room get up shut the door and tells me thats to keep tue man out. Im sure its an age thing. Me and my kiddies will get there x

Thanks josie. Massive hugs right back at you ((((((josie))))))). xxx sorry to hear your not feeling so great either.

Tonight has been quiet stressful no sooner had i picked reece up from school he turns and gets really nasty. Hits me in the coop because of something so trivial. Also found out today though hes making progress with speech and peer friendships hes still working below avarage and possibly dyslexcia as well.

I managed to get maddy to bed without to much trouble tonight even though we did have some tears.

I myself feel so physicaly mentaly and emotionaly drained. Yesterday i could have walked and never thought of stopping. My legs wanted to keep going but i knew i couldnt i had to go back for my babies.

I feel pretty useless right now. I look forward to bed even though i wont go to sleep i can shut the world out and hide under my duvet.

I listen and tey and help friends but whats the point im tired of being strong for them tired of being strong willed. I get exhaited fight every day fighting my moods my babies amd being a help to others to. I dont wanna do it no more i just dont have the energy no more. Xxx

Today has been so draining. Ive had a headache all day which has wiped me out. Ive felt very low today and dispite being around loads of people ive not been very talkative. Juat havent wanted to talk very much. Ive justbwanted to be left alone completley.

I didnt have a good nite last night took me ages to go to sleep.

I hate feeling like this. Someone saidbto me today i should be proud of me because despite of how im feeling im still getting kids ready and getting em to school/nursery. They are clean clothed loved amd happy. Maybe i should be proud but im not. I do these things because i cannot let myself get no lower then before. I cant run the risk of loosing my babies like i did nearly two years ago. That killed me inside amd yes i got them back it taugjt me a lesson
but sometimes i forget and when my depression engulfs me i find it hard to keep thinking hard to move forward and look on.

Im here still for my children they are the ones that keep me going even though i know i dont want to keep fighting.

Im tired of life but not tired of my children even though reece is very hard work. i love em to much to put them through that.

Man with light buld

Hiya there, I am new here but I can offer some spook advice as i am an expert in the paranormal field! As a child I was bothered by unwanted spirits, many people find it very hard to explain and it can be scary when you don't understand yourself. I am also a medium as I grew up to understand my world in adulthood through meeting people that could explain things to me. My parents had no idea what was going on, or how to help they brushed it under the carpet. I am glad you are taking your child seriously, it can be a very scary lonely world if those you look up to can't offer an explination or make you feel better.
My advice would be to sit down with your child and go through family photos together. See if your child reacts to a certain picture, she may say "thats the man that plays with my lightbuilb"! Most cases it is a family member come to watch over your child, they don't mean to frighten them! If you are and your child are still nrevous ask out loud that he leaves and tell him he is upsetting your child.I know it may sound rediculous but it does work hun!
If that however does fail contact your local spirit church and a medium can come around free of charge to assist in a house clearing. Its nothing to be affraid of, they will help the spirit move on and even pass on messages if you areopen to that.
If you are scared, you child will be scared but it is more normal for children to experience this type of phenomona than people care to admit. Its a taboo subject because people don't understand or they are scared and would rather pretend its not happening!
I hope this will help xx

Hi Shelley, I too am sorry to read that you've had a dip in mood over the last couple of weeks

It's no wonder that you feel this way though Shelley, you are struggling with lack of sleep and behavioural issues with both your children, this can really take it's toll and you are managing this largely on your own.

It's fantastic that you recognised you needed support and reached out to your MH worker. She in turn has contacted the children's SW which I hope results in a little more help. Can you remind me what other professional input you currently have Shelley? You mentioned your HV too, is there anyone else for support?

Are you still taking medication and if so when was this last reviewed?

It's really important to remember how far you've come Shelley, you sadly did lose your children, but you have them back with you now and with the right support you can overcome these current difficulties.

I hope today is a better one for you. Do you have anything planned for the weekend?

Im really struggling this afternoon. Im sat at home on my own and i feel so anxious and jittery. i just dont know how to stop these feelings inside.
not got nothing planned for the weekend, even though tomorrow is my un happy birthday tomorrow. Nothing major will happen never does. Ive never known a birthday where ive had anything to open. Sad really but thatsvlife and i never really celerbrate it no more.

Ive got to take reece to the opticians tomorrow so that will be the highlight of the day.
I have iceini and home start involved. Ermmm also hv well we have a new one male but havent met him yet but no fussed if me n dd meet him or not as maddy doesnt interact with men to well.

I really could do with sleeping right now anythings better then feeling like i do and there is no point as it will soon be time to pick both reece and maddy up soon and night time arguments begin.

Im sorry i will reply later my head hurts and i cant really concerntrare well. Xx

Trying really hard to fight back the tears today not sure if im going to be able to hold back all day. I feel so low and rotten inside.
post has been and not even one birthday cadd to open kinda knew it really as happenes every birrhdayvfor me. Reece bless him gave him a cuddle and said i could have one of his pillows for my bday preasent kinda me wanna cry. Even sitting here i have tears in my eyes i shouldnt feel like this but i do.

I shouldnt be this ungreatful atleast i have my children xx

Time now to take reece opticians then home to a load of house work and washing

I'm sorry though that the day has started so tearfully for you. It's understandable you feel this way as you sound quite lonely this morning. I hope that you can enjoy spending time with the children today, do you have anything other than the opticians planned? Could the housework wait and instead go out somewhere for the day?

Please keep talking to your local support, what sort of things to Iceni do Shelley? What input do you have from them? How often do you see Home Start?

I wanted to say that Reece sounds like a lovely lad, what a caring little boy Shelley

Hi Shelley
I am Mary one of the health visitorswho works with Netmums . I am really sorry to read how you are feeling at the moment .
There seems to be two main issues for you at the moment Shelley 1) your mental health and 2) your concern re your dd
Shelley I am very glad that you have been honest with your MH worker - apart from contacting your childrens SW to help with your dd , what else did she suggest for you ?

Shelley I can understand your concern for your dd - I am wondering if it would be helpful to write down exact times this happens with your dd- a detailed diary is usually to first ket to finding a solution - you can see patterns and triggers .

I am also wondering have you had a chance to look at the link on nightmares and night terrors ?
Shelley you need some professional help right now and that is ok - I think it is great that you are being open and honest and doing the right things for you and your family .