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9/25/12

"and I'll be everything you ask and more"

Ronald is my lucky penny. The rest of the coins in my pocket are various curses. Depression, memories of a bad childhood, a few other mental illnesses for good measure, infertility, and now this yet to be named energy sapping physical illness. It makes me realize if it wasn't for that lucky penny I wouldn't be fighting any more.

I have been sitting with this vague understanding that no one is promised a life of health, a good life, a happy life. That makes me want to cry. But it is the truth. I fight harder than most people know. I think I handle this curse pretty well, but damn it hurts, and damn do I want it to end.

I have to keep going though, for that shiny penny. Even when it hurts like hell, even when I can't go on, I have to. And that is the beauty, and that is all the terror in the world.