Last week's installment of "Guess That Rack" seemed to be a bit of a success so we'll follow up with another round of great tits for the fellas (and ladies if you freak like that) to make educated guesses about.

TBC (the ball and chain for the new readers) comes home raving about this wild ass story her boss was telling her about over hearing these kids out in the desert shoving vodka soaked tampons up there yams and backs.

I couldn't fuckin' believe it.

Apparently this shit is big in the streets. I had to do a little research and, well, just watch...

Yes. This is real. This is a legitimate phenomenon taking place right here in our country. Young girls have taken to shoving vodka soaked tampons in their most sacred of places to catch a buzz.

Rumor has it, these kids are ingesting booze via their twats and assholes to be able to pass breathalyzers. HAHAHA.

It's these same mouth breathing morons that came up with these ideas of shoving beer bongs in their assholes, and booze drenched tampons in their 'ginas, that would think it would keep them out of hand cuffs when taking a breathalyzer test. As most normal functioning people that have ever had to take a breathalizer would know; breathalyzers don't measure the amount of alcohol on your breath. Rather, they approximate the amount of alcohol flowing through your blood that is passed through the lungs and expelled IN your breath.

For the squares of the world that aren't familiar with the significance of the date 4/20, it's supposedly a reference to the penal code for a smokeout in progress, or what I like to call "Stoner bashin' time".

In reality, it's just another excuse for the potheads of the world to get stewy blazed and loaf around for a while.

As you may have guessed by now, I do not partake in the use of the herbals personally, which prolly comes as a shock to anyone who doesn't know me personally because I am so fitting of the profile. The harsch reality of the situation is simple, I can't smoke. I have a mental block that causes severe heartburn and panic attacks that make me feel like I am having a heart attack.

It's a pretty big deal to most of my homies when I do decide to indulge (which is a very, VERY rare occurence). I mean, people really go all out to get me involved in a sesh, because when I get to laughing, there is no stopping me. I'm a jolly sonofabitch of that tree.

My feelings on reefer are pretty simple. Smoking trees does not cause violence. It is not a gateway drug. It is completely recreational. In fact, I think that everyone should smoke (except for me of course, for the reasons stated above).

In fact, my only real issue with the cheebah is that it makes it ok to be doing nothing. I always used this example when explaining my feelings on this particular subject:

A couple of dudes could be sitting around on the floor indian style staring blankly into space, no t.v., no dialogue, no nothing, and the only justification they would need is "hey, at least were stoned". haha.

So to all my friends out there that partake in the delights of the greenery, get yourself a nice satchel of this:

Incidentally the West Coast Champs Mixtape release party is this Friday, April 17, 2009 in L.A.

Be on the lookout for the Makeshift interview, "No Doze" mixtape release (available exclusively on the BAMA for free download), and much, MUCH more from this up and coming artist who is sure to be the leader of the new class of emcees.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

This is a new segment I am gonna run. Not sure if it will be weekly, monthly, yearly, etc. but if there is a good response and some participation, then obviously it will be more frequent. The way it will work is simple. I will post cropped photos of some celebrities chest piece and the readers will make guesses in the comments section. I will reveal the faces of the celebrities on the next posting day.

Enough with the explanation, on with the tits!!

#1

#2

#3

#4

Take your best guess and post em in the comments section, don't cheat you worthless bastards.

Seriously, don't ask how or why I came across this, just know that I did.

How fuckin' wild does this cat look? I don't want to go to hard on homie's pigment (or lack thereof), but let me just say that my dude's sangin' career is going about as far as he is without any sun tan lotion on, which is, to state the obvious, not very far.

Am I the only one who thinks this dude has a striking resemblance to fairly well known underground rapper Krondon??

All congratulations due and payable to my little cousin, "The Bracketologist" for dominating the first annual NickelPlatedBama March Madness Bracket Challenge (it's a working title). What can I say? The kid's got game and handled bitness with several upsets that no one else saw coming. Big ups Kris. Keep it funky. You'll be getting your shirt very soon.

Big ups to Knowledge from the ANATOMY BLOG for holding it down and coming in second, just 30 points behind the winner.

Drama the Koofie Smacker from Code2Ave.com came correct and held down the 3 spot coming in 100 points behind the winner.

I never mentioned whether or not there would be prizes for second and third place.

2nd place will get one week of praise here on the BAMA and will have their blog linked to, no less than 20 times.

3rd place will get a hand written letter that says "better luck next time" (haha) and a handfull of NPB stickers. Drama, hit me an email with your address (nickelplatedbama@gmail.com).

To those who were out of the tournament before the elite 8 (like myself) better luck next year.

Maybe now I can finally stop losing so much money betting against North Carolina.

While I'm at it I would like to address the absolutely AWFUL play on both sides of the ball by Michigan State.

I just want to point out a few key points that basically ensured UNC's domination over Michigan State.

1. Michigan State had more turnovers than field goals made.

2. When a team is down 20+ points, one would imagine the sense of urgency to play defense would kick in sometime before the last 4 minutes left in the game. I was completely blown away at how lazy and inefficient Michigan State played last night.

3. I still hate Tyler Hansbrough more than any other college player in the history of the sport, but, on this site, credit is given when it is due. Psycho T put in work. He flopped/flailed/and morphed his body into ridiculous contortionist positions to make every shot look deserving of sportscenter's top 10 plays, when in reality all he did was make a copule of layups.

4. Michigan State was flat out matched and got outplayed. Congrats to UNC, Ty Lawson in particular. Dude is a beast, and a definite first rounder in this years NBA draft. As for Tyler Hansbrough, he will go down as one of the best NCAA basketball players of all time, unfortuantely for him, he doesn't stand a chance in the NBA. It's just the sad truth of the matter.

The NBA playoffs kick off next week. I got alot of work to do to unfuck myself for all of those bets against UNC.

First Time Here?

If this is your first time stopping by NickelPlatedBama, I would suggest getting a feel for the blog by going through the archives. There have been too many classic posts to count. If you disagree with an opinion here on the site, make it public. The writer of this blog suffers from a rare condition that allows him to feel absolutely zero remorse when attacking a person's character or, in most cases, lack there of. Please feel free to enjoy, hate, participate, tell a friend to tell 2 friends, but always, ALWAYS stop back here again tomorrow, as you never know what this looney bastard might say next...

Directly below this box you will find an interview with Oliver Wrist by Oliver Wrist that should serve as an FAQ. Anything else you want to know, Oliver will literally answer any and all questions you may have, so don't be shy, shoot an email to Oliver Wrist at: nickelplatedbamadotcom@gmail.com

Nickel Plated Bama: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Who writes NickelPlatedBama?

Oliver Wrist writes, edits, designs, takes photos, and publishes NickelPlatedBama personally Monday-Friday. Oliver Wrist is an alter ego that I created as a means of getting things off of my chest. Ollie is irrational and flagrant. Once boos are introduced, the hillarity ensues. Rather than feel bad, Oliver chooses to embrace his lunacy and use his shamelessness for a greater good. Oliver's travels and opinions are documented on an almost daily basis. I say almost daily because I don't work on weekends.

What is NickelPlatedBama? What is A Nickel Plated Bama?

Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.

Nickel Plated Bama is extra gutter street slang for a nickel (the precious metal) plated hand cannon. You know, a burner, a strap, a gat, a tre pound, a whistle, or for the uninitiated a gun.

When did NickelPlatedBama get started?

Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?

Where did you come up with NickelPlatedBama?

I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.

See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".

Why?

Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".

How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?

It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.

Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.

Disclaimer:

While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.