Now she’s back, a constant reminder of what I lost, what could have been.

I hate her.

I resent her.

I still love her.

Can I forgive her…

Will she be my end once again or my beginning?

I sucked in air, my chest heaving from my own sobs. She was hysterically crying at that point. I wrapped my arms around her, pressing her into my chest, and she let me.

As soon as she was in my arms I broke down.

“I’m so sorry, baby… I’m so fucking sorry… please… please… I’ll do anything for you to forgive me… please…” I wallowed in her misery and my own. “I’m so fucking sorry…”

I don’t know who was crying more. Steaming hot water rushed down on us as if it was cleaning off the mistakes that I would never be able to change. Never be able to make better, never be able to forget.