How 'bout you Jimmie, you an oak man?

03/31/2005

Lance Armstrong: Junkie.

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- A former personal assistant to Lance Armstrong filed court papers Thursday alleging that he discovered a banned substance in the cycling champion's apartment early last year.

The banned substance? You guessed it: Yoo-Hoo.

Anderson, who says he had a key to Armstrong's apartment in Girona, Spain, alleges he was cleaning the bathroom in "early 2004" when he found a white box labeled "like any other prescription drug" but that did not have a doctor's prescription attached.

Written on the box was the trademark name "Androstenine, or something very close to this," Anderson said.

"He went to the computer, looked it up on the WADA or USADA Web site(s), and confirmed that what he had found was an androgen, a listed banned substance," Anderson's court brief states, referring to the World Anti-Doping Agency and the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency.

Huh? He found "androstenine, or something very close to this"?

This is admissible in court, how, exactly?

It's like me saying I was at work the other day, and I found on my boss's desk a dog-eared copy of Black Tail and a jar of Miracle Whip. Or, maybe I didn't; I can't really be sure.

Hey, even though Lance Armstrong has been drug-tested more times than Tom Sizemore, I guess there's still some room for doubt. I mean, seriously-- NOBODY can win that many races, right?