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Every romantic movies, every songs that stayed on top 20 since, every single preaches we get from our closest circles always told us to love someone to have a meaningful life.

We are always being tought that we should help others, make others happy, be functional to other people to make our life worthwhile.

Not much people ever told us that we should respect our self, love our self, listen to our self first, put our self first instead of others. The importance of self acceptance, self loving, self respect that will lead us to way more meaningful life, way more brighter future!!

Ok you might be a bit confuse about what I’m talking about. Let me put it this way…..

Have you ever really enjoy going out…for a coffee, karaoke, or just a solo trip alone or anything you name it….. and you really got the time to talk with yourself…I mean deep talk, deep thoughts, thinking about almost every single thing you have done or you want or even you have doubt to move forward or just back off…

Perhaps you try to pick your bestest time and decide what to do by your own, have your own time, cool your head off…..take a pen and a paper.

Think deep, think about :

Anything you have done and you are happy of it,

Anything you have done but not that happy,

Anything that might slow down your move towards your goals,

Anything that you really want to pursue because you wanted too not that others told you too

Are you happy enough with your spouse, did he treat you respectfully of you just compromise every single time

Is there any unimportant things that slower you down from moving forward and it is actually not worth your time at all & you supposed to delete it from your life and keep moving forward

Are you happy enough with your work? if not why? what should you do…

And many other things …..

Once you are willing to listen & communicate to yourself things will be more under control and will know when to struggle on things and when to just drop it off in no time

Stop punishing and blaming yourself when you can’t reach your goals, keep on fighting and if you can’t reach it still forgive yourself….Perhaps it just won’t good for you

Never compromise and never maintain toxic circles…I mean those you consider as relatives, friends, even your besties. If they belittle you, if they doubt you on your dreams, if they lower down your pride, your dignity….just ctrl+alt+del them…I mean delete them from your circle. No need to waste time on people that don’t respect you and your needs

Believe me once we are able to love and compromise with our self no matter what

Happy weekend girls 🙂

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In this cruel cruel world…Asian countries mostly. Those under developed countries and so sorry to say where the citizen’s logic and mindset still left and far from developed Asian countries where male gender and patriarchs culture still rules out and brainwashed those human’s head. Those humans that don’t use their brain that much especially their logic. They prefer to believe in dogmas and society’s definition of good and bad, right or wrong. Indonesia especially where we are dominated by conformist people that will happily bow down and even praise our toxic patriarchs’ cultureRead the rest of this entry »

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I wonder why most girls only think about getting married and then they believe since then they will become a women and has a meaningful life?

They don’t mind to even take a low grade flaming turd as their hubby just to prevent their expiry date…..helloooo?? are we sort of groceries or what?? what kind of non senses is this and why do most of us buy it and ended up make a fake happy marriage and keep on faking it and compromises for the rest of our life??

Do you ever think about the real aim of marriage in logical way instead of the holly so called patriarchal ego mindset and a lousy fairy tales we often heard.

Marriage is just bullshit if we marry someone that believes these are the ideal rules :

Expecting our partner to babysit us replacing our parents,

Ruling over our partner,

Using all patriarchal stereotyping as the basic obligation of marriage couple,

Official sex …..duhhhh!!!

The ideal thing suppose to be partnership marriage not a soft slavery conspiracy marriage that happens most of the time in Asia especially.

It should be partner in crime, 2 way communication, respect each other not dominating and domesticating. House chores & children’s should be both’s responsibility for god sake, and fair in any cases.

If it becomes only women’s responsibility it is way better that after maternity we get a divorce and focus on our life and baby instead of adding some responsibility over useless husband that will need to be babysit or just buy a sperm donor if we afford it.

Since it is suppose to be partnership so career women that enjoy their jobs suppose to keep on working and not just resigned for the sake of their marriage ….it’s also bullshit coz after that we will have no control anymore over our live and it will be more awesome if we are also responsible on our family’s financial needs not just become followers and asking for money from our husband instead of sharing ours as well…

Children will be very proud if they know their moms are also working their ass off for their sake, but all media and our social society give us opposite statements, believes and theories.

This is why it is also difficult to change the stereotyping and patriarchal mindset since women themselves often even support it in many ways like they usually believe that by dropping off their job and become a full housewife means becomes a perfect mom. Sad but true some of us even still work when we are married but refused to be responsible as well on family financial’s issue and consider it as men’s obligation as a husband. This case is another example on how women confirm and bow on patriarchal mindset culture and keep on making us as followers and worship the patriarchal’s culture and marriage become the biggest confirmation on this kind of culture.

Partnership marriage and 2 way fair communication will still difficult to reach if all of this keep going on.

It is always best way to stay single instead of ended up with random patriarchal minded man that only looking for a free babysitter to take care of them as their mama’s replacement and will do nothing in return to you except giving you monthly money. Whats the point???

Marriage aren’t supposed to be ruling someone’s life for our own sake, free maid, getting additional money without working much, make babies (are we a fucking box for reproduction???) we are human beings for god sake, we worth way more than that!

I know it is difficult to find a sane minded men but there’s nothing wrong staying single instead of getting married and trapped in this kind of domestication slavery

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Let just digest the title above really logically….no I mean all of this writings….100% by logic you won’t disagree me …trust me :).

Why ?

Are we really living in a free country? or is it just us that let our self being dominated or just let our self into the path?….even small ridiculous path given by society.

Did we able to choose what we would like to be when we were born….a boy/ a girl/ gay/ lesbian/ black/ white/ yellow/ Asian/ Hispanic….ok please! cut it out we won’t ever ever talk about this if we continue or even worse you might just drop this off and move to another far more exciting website he..he.

Have you ever heard these kind of conversations or topics :

How come?…..she’s 40, having good job but staying single ….is she a lesbian?

Oh…we will be a fully functional women and has successful kids if we become a full time house Moms. Working Moms will become terible Mom coz all child are their full responsible

As a boyfriend, my girlfriend should follow all my rules, coz I’m the man so I am a future leader to be. A good girls should bow theirselve down to us

You will be very lucky if you have daughters, she will be more affectionate, able to share to house chores and will stay home more than having sons

Good girls suppose to not smoking cigarette or going to clubs

and many million more cases you often heard from your even closest circle

The saddest thing is those kind of stigma or stereotyping we often even heard from women themselves and spread to other women and suddenly become the real definition of good girls and bad girls, definition of what women should do that being defined as a so-called well mannered women.

We never realized in that way we just let our surroundings rule over our mindset, our movement, shrink down our dreams and we ended living our life focusing on pleasing others and compromised with what good and bad dogma’s made by our beloved patriarchal minded people just because we coincidentally born as a girl.

Seems like we haven’t achieve freedom in our way of thinking, freedom in pursuing our own dreams.

Lets analyze all cases above logically if only women that are responsible for raising and developing kid’s and men only responsible for getting income and become a sin if they also back to back with their wife in raising kids and do the house chores instead of just making money. If we think logically if women is the only person in charge for raising kids why don’t we just finished the marriage soon after we got kids and make our own money, whats the deal of marriage if its not a partnership in crime just because we are women, we never ask to be born as a women, just the same like you never asked to be born having black or yellow complexion.

Its not fair at all if we we’re being labeled, being dictated to do things by others just, being judged as bad/ good person by other’s dogma or view that are way far from reasonable and not logical at all and the worse thing it make us shrink down our own possibilities to be able to develop far more better than now….it’s not fair at all

made us become not the best that we could be…made us forgot what are our dreams, made us scared to be labeled as bad women, failed wives and many more.

We will downgrade our self if we surrendered to many silly useless patriarchal believe that others often make it as if it has something to do with our religion and it will be sinful if we ignore it.

There won’t be labeling over skin complexion, gender, religion, nationality if all of us really use our logic and if we really have a well developed brain.

There are no religion that gives label on their people, it’s us that make up stories in the name of religion.

It’s not easy to erase these kind of patriarchal believes but it’s our call!!

Our own call to start free our mind and think over what we really wanna pursue, what we wanna be…I mean what we really wanna be.

It has to start from our self….

we only live once…we don’t live to pleased others so make your own life counts not just ended being ruled out

Gilrs…women…u all got ur own qualities and uniqueness….it’s time to shout and fire it up!

Remember a drama called Sex n the City? I bet you guys have your own picture in your own head…..

Its all depends on your believes and point of view. Let me make it simple, but first we will talk about marriage?

For some people 1 word called marriage could be as beautifull as cinderalla fairy tale that will ended hapilly ever after….and for some other people it could make a creepy goosebump all over their body

After we graduate from college or even high school….there might be a lot of questions from relatives, friends, closest friends or even each of our partners (Bf/ Gf), “when will you get married? Don’t you scared of getting older then you realize all of your friends gone with there hubby and wifie? Afraid of getting lonely because of not married? Scared if you are above 30 no one will pick you as their hubby/ wifie?….some of them even assume that marriage as a sign of your maturity or even obligation no matter what”

Those questions above affect some people’s decision in deciding when they will get married as below :

1. Have to married someone no matter how he/ she looked like coz i’m almost 30

2. Since our parents pushed us to get married soon, we forgot to think twice or even thrice to get married

3. Married to someone that you know as bloody wrong person but still hope he/she will change after marriage…..(that’s totally non sense)

4. Getting married even yourself aren’t ready yet to cut off your own ego and have no idea about the aim of marriage itself (exp: just for sex…what the fuck, have your own slave, etc).

If you already really know yourself…what your really want and don’t want…..your own capabilities…you can decide weather you are ready or not for this case as long it make sense and didn’t bother other’s life aight…..

For instance…age and getting married…..

It often happen towards women…others tend to push them to get married sooner then men….does it sound fair? Where’s your freedom to choose and where’s your right girls?

Back to Sex n the City movies…… how old are their age on that movie? More then 30’s right? Most of them single……really enjoy theirselves…..their life…..really stands for themself and totally independent…no matter their age keep on running and most of them doesn’t care if they are single or married already

Why can’t we become like one of them? Stand for our rights and decisions. Its your right to decide when you will get married or even if you don’t want to

For Men, since your surrounds didn’t pushed you guys as hard as women, you got better opportunity and time to think twice or thrice before you decide when it will happen?….as long your aim for marriage itself not for sex and getting free slaves (it happens in here for those narrow minded men)

You gotta be mature enough, willing to cut your ego and mentally prepared to decide to get married…not because others want you to…and not because of your age

“Age 30 or even 40 doesn’t mean we are mature enough already, everyone have right to get old but not everyone become mature……its an option…you chooses”

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How many times did you see TV Ads about shampoo, beauty cream, slimming pills and many more? Those Ads models in those Ads

What are their similarities? What do they wanna say through those Ads? Lets think about it for a while. Have you ever realize you or maybe people around you actually really have no idea about anything related to definition of beauty?

Sometimes what we think about, our point of view are being polluted by media, such as TV Ads, Mags Ads, and many more. Why we make TV Ads as one of the example, because our mind will be easier to be drifted by picture messages then written messages. Most likely victim of media stereotyping are women and it often happens in Asia since most Asian women, that have lived in a so called Patriarchy country, are passive compared to non Asian that are more speak up and open mindedNow let’s go back to TV Ads and mindset stereotyping in beauty meaning. Shampoo Ads….how many times did you see female shampoo models in TV that has long curly or wavy hair or short hair or non black hair? Is there any of them that has tanned complexion?. I bet you guys almost haven’t found any of it or maybe just once. Those kind of Ads implicitly want to tell us that beauty and ideal women should have long straight black hair and white complexion. No wonder almost a lot of women that goes to salon will get their hair re bonded, hair extension and remain their hair color to black, just to be define as beautiful and they forget how they want their self to look like. They start to accessorize them self just to make others happy.What do you think about that? Is it fair enough for you? Until when you wanna stay that way? It’s your choice…wanna become a total conformist with low self concept or be a trendsetter and be yourself with strong self concept and not easily drifted and stand for yourselfTV Ads on this case not only gives impact on women’s mindset but it also contributes impact on how males define the word of beauty itself just the way its messagesBut again….we are here not to be picked or thrown away right, but we are here to be a better self, to reach our own goals and to love our self no matter how we looked like. As long we maintain our self appropriately we will be beautiful in our own way and our own uniqueness. We are all different not only in character but also physically….so lets makes those varieties become the meaning of everlasting beauty and coolnes…not just common beauty . Last but not least we should always stand for our own view and believes don’t be easily drifted or we will become 2nd citizen for good because of ourself

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Since almost all the world consider us as a 2nd citizen, put us on the inconvenient position, we really have to be able to stand for our self, speak and do what we really wanted and stop being too conformist. Feminist movement are still running this far but it seems like it is hard to achieve its goals, because women themselves have no enough courage and Feminist thought sometimes only give more concern on the man’s thought. We have to focus more on the women aspect first, because not all women really knew the difference between what is gender and what is social role that given by the people surround us and they are not confident in doing things that they believe its right or what they really wanted, just to get rid of negative feedback from their surroundings.

Especially in Asia, even since we born, parent will brainwashed their daughters with the “girls do’s and don’ts” which is of course most of the rules are for Don’ts and again it is because it is for a girl. For instance, women have to be well groomed to be picked by man, got to get married before 30 or it’s a doom day but for a man it is very normal, and again they are not allowed to go outside home often because of the safety reason. The safety reason comes because of women are not strong enough compared to man, are not allowed to fight, have to be soft and weak. Those are only a few of example, there are still a lot more of it outside. Those factors have made women brought themselves as the 2nd citizen. They are rarely become themselves, don’t know what their real goals and how to struggle for it, and are not pretty free to speak their minds and only become a follower or worst being harassed.

If we go back to elementary school era, where you will find a bahasa Indonesia subject that often comes with a story about Bapak Budi and Ibu Wati which often describe directly and repeatedly that Ibu Wati and her daughter will only have domestic chores but Budi and his son will do something else outside house. Another example is the classroom chores, all girls will do sweeping floors and the boys will only wipe the blackboard. It really tells that women will only responsible for domestic chores and boys will get into a much more bigger responsibilities outside domestic things. Media is also support this situation, by their ads through telly, like Detergent’s ads, we will only see there will be a young housewife washing the clothes for all her house members and will get compliment from his hubby. Also MSG’s ads often shows a women cooking and again will get a compliment if her cooks are awesome. Their hubby will sit and being served as if they are kings and the women are their slaves. We will never see where the man who’ll did the cooking and washing clothes in Asia’s media. Media and education in Asia often formed our mindset about what is normal and abnormal for women’s role and also have messed up the definition between role and gender. Role are often comes from our surroundings but gender are biological, like giving birth or other aspect that will only possible for women.

Those educations, media, domestic educations developed our mindset, about what’s right and wrong, what’s possible and not possible and also about what’s normal and abnormal for man and women. From there, women will have the mindset that their surrounding formed since they are child and end up with the form of their characters. That’s why most of women in Asia often act very carefully to prevent negative thoughts from other people, do things that will pleased people around her until made her don’t really know who they are. Time after time, by being like that they will be left behind. Only they who have the courage to stand out from the crowd, being their real selves and not conformist who will support the feminist idea. Feminist movement must come out from each of women’s heart not from books. Its is our task to encourage women to be like that even it will takes time, especially in Asia.