Now That’s What I Call Shrek: The best of the worst Christmas gift ideas

The solar face shield, the perfect gift for the fashion-challenged vampire on your list. Featured on the Worst Things for Sale.

What’s the worst Christmas present you’ve ever unhappily unwrapped?

For me, it’s really a tie.

One Christmas, when I was about 13, my dad gave my sister and I several tiny collectible gold coins that came in small velvet boxes which turned out to be more useful than the actual coins.

“These are going to be worth a lot of money one day!” he bellowed, perhaps trying to use the timbre of his voice to convince us these weird little coins were exactly what two pre-teen girls wanted for Christmas. They were not.

Those coins sucked so bad that, over the years, they actually lost value somehow, despite being made of gold. Even the U.S. Mint thought they were lame.

The other Worst Gift Ever was a size-large T-shirt that said “I love Ohio,” given to me at Christmas by a guy I’d been dating for kind of a long time — long enough for him to know I’m not a size large.

Fellas, if you don’t know your girl’s size, err on the small side and include a receipt. You may not realize it, but I just saved you a ton of grief.

This Nicholas Cage pillowcase is the best worst thing ever, featured on the blog The Worst Things for Sale.

As always, TheWorstThingsforSale.com is a treasure trove of terrible gift ideas for anyone who’s ever given you collectible coins or ill-fitting T-shirts.

Written by the author of Toothpaste for Dinner and Married to the Sea (these are webcomics, for all you non-nerds out there), The Worst Things for Sale is a bounty of terrible items like leather beer holsters, luxury Monopoly and candy that’s supposed to make you smell like perfume (how could that go wrong?)

Have you ever heard of a Tatjacket? It’s a skin-colored tube meant to be worn over your tattoos to show potential employers that not only do you have ink, but also that you are a very strange person who probably has several very unsavory Nazi tattoos.

Maybe your mom would enjoy a copy of the book “How to Rap: The Art and Science of the Hip-Hop MC,” or maybe your boss would like a toilet paper holder that also holds your iPad.

I don’t know what you’re talking about – this is just a great Christmas gift. Featured on the Worst Things for Sale.

Help usher in the apocalypse by giving your felon cousin an orange jumpsuit that says “Department of Erections,” a suit which also features a certain unfortunate, uh, prosthesis. Everyone loves a Christmas morning boner joke.

A curling iron that plugs into your car’s cigarette lighter, a knife that looks like a gun, a pillow with Nicholas Cage’s face on it — the terrible possibilities are endless.

If someone doesn’t get me an adult-sized Big Wheel for Christmas, I’m throwing a tantrum. Does no one see how awesome I’d look pedaling that bad boy down the Calder bike lane?