One woman shares how she dropped her Wonder Woman act to let herself be a little more human.

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I was dreading the question. I knew it was coming. Another mom was telling me about the nightmare battles she had trying to get her kids dressed for school in the morning. "Do you have the same problem?" she asked.

I could (a) lie and say yes. Or I could (b) reveal the shameful reason our morning routine was generally free of threats, yelling, and tears: I let my kids go to school in the clothes they've slept in. I knew she would think I was a bad, lazy mother if I shared that. Still, I took a breath and opted for (b). "My kids sleep in their clothes. I know it sounds horrible, and they go to school looking like they got off the red-eye. But they like it, and it's so much easier," I admitted. The other woman blinked as she registered my comment. Then she said, "I love you."

In the past, I would have totally lied. Letting my flaws hang out is not my usual MO. Like most people, I strive to appear pulled-together at all times, especially when I'm feeling most vulnerable. But after getting that positive reaction, it struck me that maybe I should let my imperfections fly free more often. Because after that confession, I ended up making a true friend.

Vulnerability is a hot topic these days, thanks in part to the work of Brené Brown, Ph.D., a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work and the author of Daring Greatly. Brown has spent a decade trying to understand what distinguishes resilient, self-confident types from everyone else. What she discovered after countless interviews: It's all about vulnerability. Men and women who let themselves be vulnerable feel a deeper connection to others. They're also more comfortable in their own skin (maybe because they aren't afraid to be themselves in most situations). In fact, the most resilient people attributed everything from happy marriages to work success to their willingness to be vulnerable.

Skeptical? Just think about it. If you've ever loved anyone, you've probably also had your heart broken at least once. It's definitely not fun. But the only way you can love again is to let yourself be vulnerable to someone. You have to risk pain for the reward of getting close to another human being.

"The more you can show up and be real, the more meaningful your life will be," says Brown.

For most of us, though, showing our flaws or confessing something we're ashamed of (like my letting my boys sleep in their clothes) feels risky. (Not to mention how scary it feels to be the first one to utter "I love you.") And it's just common sense that it's best not to be vulnerable with everyone, whatever the research says.

But in general, each time you let down your guard, you're creating an opportunity — for friendship, knowledge, and even adventure. Which is why I decided to try to consciously put myself out there every day, with all sorts of people. Here's what happened.

1. Be vulnerable with a stranger.
Recently, my husband and I were in a crowded Starbucks, trolling for a spot with hot lattes. We saw a table with a melting, half-eaten cup of ice cream on it, but no sign of a person. So we sat down. After looking for a possible ice cream owner, my husband tossed the cup in the trash. Almost immediately, a man showed up and said, "That's my table. Where's my ice cream?"

My husband and I looked at each other, thinking: How were we to know? He shouldn't have left the table. Not our fault! My husband then said, "We didn't know you were sitting here. I threw the ice cream out." Tension rising, the guy replied, "That cost me five bucks!"

Our first instinct, or at least mine, was to stand our ground. The second option felt embarrassing: admitting that we could have waited a few more minutes before dumping the guy's dessert. With strangers, the impulse is to do the former. After all, if you don't know the person, why give in? But my husband surprised me by offering the guy five bucks and apologizing. Ice Cream Guy's shoulders relaxed. He took us in — two penitent people who clearly needed their caffeine — and forgave us. We'd screwed up, like all humans do.

The man took the $5 and said, "Thanks," and the incident ended with handshakes all around. We found another table, and there were no hard feelings. For us, it was worth the money to avoid an unpleasant public conflict, save our energy and enjoy our afternoon.

Try it yourself:It's always better to own up and apologize — with eye contact — when you've done something potentially irritating (like talking on your phone at the checkout counter). On the flip side, if someone behind the register is acting surly, resist snarling back. Instead, you might ask how her day is going. "A lot of people today don't show compassion, to themselves or to others," says Simon Rego, Psy.D., director of psychology training at Montefiore Medical Center/Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City. But when you do, it can generate a powerful pay-it-forward chain reaction.

2. Be vulnerable with your kids.
As a parent, it's tempting to use my power to win every battle. Which might work out fine if I were a perfect parent. But obviously I'm not, and phrases like "Because I said so!" tend to escape my mouth. The thing is, should a parent who knows she's screwed up stay in charge, or should she admit imperfection? "Recently, I snapped at my kids in a tense moment," Brown confesses. "Later, I went back and said, 'I'm sorry. I made a mistake.' That gave them permission to do the same thing." Not to snap, but to admit to a screwup and apologize rather than be defensive.

In Brown's research, she often found that people who were able to be vulnerable had been raised by parents who did the same thing. When kids hear a parent cop to a mistake, they get the message that it's OK to let down their guard. That helps them face uncertainty more bravely, be more open to trying new things and be less self-critical.

A few days after the Starbucks incident, I yelled at my two boys for the usual bedtime offenses (not brushing their teeth, etc.). I didn't sleep well that night. The next day, walking with my 7-year-old, I said, "I'm sorry I yelled. I was tired and I needed to go to bed myself."

My son looked relieved. "Me, too," he said. Score one for vulnerability.

Try it yourself:If your kid comes home and says he flunked a test, rather than asking him if he studied hard enough, try sharing a story about a time when you failed at something as a kid — and how you got through it. "Telling your own tale of vulnerability will show that you empathize and that you've also made mistakes. That makes it easier to connect," says Rego.

3. Be vulnerable with your coworkers.
You'd think it would pay to be tough at work, not to show your hand — especially if you're a manager. Not necessarily, says Peter Fuda, D.B.A., founder of the Alignment Partnership and adjunct professor at the Macquarie Graduate School of Management. In a study of CEOs, Fuda found that the most successful bosses had learned to drop "the mask" — i.e., the illusion of being the perfect leader.

One female CEO tells the story of taking on a difficult assignment in a very male-dominated field: "To be taken seriously, I felt I needed to show I was in control, that I had all the answers." So she made it clear that she was the boss by acting strong and assertive. Unfortunately, her employees felt shy about contributing ideas or challenging any of hers. The result was a stagnant workplace filled with people afraid to express themselves. "People couldn't talk freely or challenge decisions," she says. "That's when I threw away the books about how leaders should behave and started to be myself." Once she admitted that she didn't have every answer and asked for honest feedback, the impact was immediate. Morale and performance soared. Laughter and problem-solving replaced strained conversation. Soon, a new atmosphere of teamwork emerged. "You can't have real innovation without vulnerability," Brown confirms. "Admitting to failure is a prerequisite for innovation and change."

Try it yourself: Whatever your position at work, make a point of being yourself and sharing an honest opinion at a meeting, even if there's a risk that you'll be shot down. "In the end," says Rego, "people respect you more if you're willing to put yourself out there."

4. Be vulnerable with your friends.
There's a reason old friendships are so powerful. Usually, the people we've known longest have seen our most vulnerable moments — the bad haircuts and even worse boyfriends. Yet they love us anyway.

But it's harder to be vulnerable in a newish relationship, whether with a friend or with a potential partner. Instead, we want to impress, or hide who we are. Take Michelle Maidenberg, mother of four kids under 14, who prides herself on being a great host. Recently, she invited another family to dinner. But she finished work late, and nothing was ready when they arrived. Her husband gamely tried to distract their guests, but the kids got wild. Meanwhile, Maidenberg hustled in the kitchen, worried about how disorganized she must seem. After agonizing, she realized she could either pretend everything was fine or take the pressure off and come clean about what was happening with the meal.

She took her new friend aside, apologized and told the truth — that she was behind the eight ball. Her friend's response? "She said, 'Yeah, we did get started late, but that's OK and I understand. I'm so happy to be here with you. It's wonderful for our families to be together.' " After that, the two women could relax and became friends on a deeper level.

Try it yourself:Reveal a difficult part of your history to someone new in your life. "You're taking a risk," says Rego. You don't know how your friend will respond. Maybe she'll be accepting; maybe she'll judge. But you'll only know if she is someone worth being close with if you drop your guard and let your true self show.

1. In emotionally dicey situations. The boss is looking for heads to roll? Your mother-in-law is crabby? Probably not the time to go out on a limb with an opinion, no matter how authentic it is.

2. During "firsts." On a first date, a first day on the job, or the first meeting with future in-laws. Too much vulnerability too soon could threaten relationships that haven't yet had a chance to gel.

3. If something feels physically dangerous. You have to use your gut. If someone seems ominous or threatening, being vulnerable puts you at real risk, and it's best to make a quick exit.