The Run of Play Contest: Describe Peter Crouch

After the reckless assault of one-liners that resulted in Tuesday’s Portrait of Peter Crouch, I thought it would be fun to get everyone in on the act, and to that end, I’m delighted to unveil the first-ever Run of Play Contest. Curious? Read on.

The Task: Describe Peter Crouch in one line. One line doesn’t mean one line in the text box below, and it doesn’t necessarily mean one sentence. What does it mean? You know in your heart what it means.

The Time: The contest will be open through the weekend. First-, second-, and third-place winners will be announced Monday morning, US Eastern time.

The Prize: The first-place winner will not only receive cloudbursts of glory and a moonshine jug full of kudos, but will also be invited to choose the player for next week’s Tuesday Portrait. If you’ve ever wanted to see Stuart Parnaby lavished with the trappings of English prose, this could be your last best chance.

An example of what a winning entry might look like, if none of you were cleverer than I am: “Sure, Peter Crouch costs more than regular dental floss. But he’s worth it.”

Submit your entries in comments or by sending an email to contest@runofplay.com. You can enter as many times as you like, under whatever names you like. Winners will be selected by oligarchic fiat. Cheating is recommended. I may cheat myself by submitting my own entries under false names in order to rig the competition for a portrait of Benny Feilhaber. It’s not like you can prove anything. Now get off my lawn.

This will serve as your official notice that the Run of Play contest is closed and the judging phase has begun. The last entry is disqualified on account of having missed the cut-off and also because I once knew a girl who jumped off the roof of her house after Jonathan Livingston Seagull convinced her that if she believed she could fly, she could fly. Sadly, flight only covered the first four feet of her trip to the emergency room. Thanks for your entries, everyone; the winners will be announced shortly.