Exploring traditional male-led, DD, D/s relationships in a modern world. We believe in building on and within our core values of communication, reciprocity, grace and balance.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Vulnerability

You will receive love only to your ability to be vulnerable enough to let it in. Love between two people is a fearless state of being where who you are and who they are is given and received without fear of engulfment or abandon. The underlying belief of this state is complete trust regardless of outcome."

~Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath~

I saw this quote in my FetLife feed this morning, and it struck me. I think it's funny how this, and in fact several of the other topics seem inextricably intertwined.

There is intrinsically a physical vulnerability in any lifestyle relationship. In the committed ones, there is also an incredible emotional vulnerability. The submissive partner is not the only one who makes herself vulnerable. Accountability makes her vulnerable. Obviously she makes herself physically vulnerable for discipline and correction. She also makes herself vulnerable with honesty, and with being open and willing to her partner and his leadership, to following with grace.

Make no mistake, the Dominant partner makes himself incredibly vulnerable, I'd like Ward to expand on that. But he's not home from work yet, and has one of those killer 30+ hour shifts tomorrow, so it may be a day or two until he can post.

The Dominant partner steers the ship. He assumes the responsibility for the decisions, which means he also assumes the responsibility for mistakes. He accepts responsibility for the actions of those he leads as well. Being the partner who holds the other accountable, he becomes vulnerable to her emotions: fear, discontent, confusion, anger, self-blame, sadness, remorse. He has to help her past those emotions, to forgive her and show her how to forgive herself, to build something positive, constructive and edifying from the experience.

Ward has said that in all things he will not fail me, be that being the biggest cheerleader I will ever have, my support when I feel overwhelmed, or the one who upholds discipline in our family. He has to make himself vulnerable to present his vision for our family. He has to make himself vulnerable to express his joy, his disappointment and his pride. I trust and treasure that. I trust and treasure him.

And in this, too, I see the symbiotic cycle of exchange. I feed and support his leadership, and he feeds and supports my submission. And those are the things which feed and nurture our relationship, intimacy and our family.

Thanks:) That quote jumped out at me when I saw it. I can't wait to see his thoughts, either, lol. Oh, doncha hate it when that happens?

It's easy to think the Dominant-type person is just waiting for a chance for the submissive partner to fail, that's the common misconception I think. The reality could not be further from the truth.

It is painful for them sometimes to be the authority. It's hard for me as a submissive personality to understand how it's not flat out exhausting. I'm glad I have Daddy to be the Captain. He's sure and steady and he inspires confidence and comfort.

Lol, I am going to blame being up later than my bedtime and my icky tummy.

I think it would be completely exhausting. I have asked him thousands of times, "do you want me to quit relying on you so heavily, so you don't have as much to take care of?" Every time I get that look that makes my insides squishy. He says that there are times when me needing that D-type is what keeps him going. Makes him feel like he is doing things right.

That's exactly what Daddy says! He says my submission, my need to give myself over to him keep him going. But there is give and take, too, there are times when he has needed me that I have stepped up a little more and lent him support, doesn't mean he's less in charge, just means he needs me, too & that's nice.