Stories of brain cancer, starting with our own

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It occurred to me today that I don’t really get to talk to our supporters enough. Working on Dragon Master Foundation has turned into a full-time volunteer job for me, and most of the time, my head is down on one project or another. The work doesn’t stop coming, but I am so thankful to be in this position – doing this on behalf of cancer warriors. I wanted to stop for just a moment today, and let you know what your support has made possible this week. (And yes, it is only Tuesday!)

You helped give encouragement to a researcher who has developed a program around brain tumor tissue donation. We will be sharing a lot of his work over the next few months, but sometimes, they just need to hear that their work matters. As he told me about the extremely sacrificial gift he works with in his lab, I could hear the emotion in his voice. Tears gathered in my own eyes as I thought about the sacrifice our family has made, and I hope you all know that giving families this final way to make a difference is a truly valuable gift.

You helped gather feedback on the recently launched research platform, Cavatica, from a man who has dedicated most of his nearly 70 years on this planet to cancer research. He spoke with wonder in his voice of the things he is able to accomplish with this technology – things he never thought possible!

You helped give hope to a group of innovators who are developing a big data algorithm that can make treatment recommendations based on a patient’s DNA. They had been struggling to find the amount of data needed to test their theories, and now they have a source for their work.

These were conversations filled with hope, and that is what we are funding. When we started Dragon Master Foundation, it was because we had some audacious ideas about how to help researchers. Less than four years in, we have accomplished so many of the goals we set out to achieve. There is a real-time, open access platform where hospitals can share genomic and patient data. As I type, there are more than 15 hospitals sharing that data with agreed upon data standards. That alone is more than most people thought would be possible. Like the movie Field of Dreams, this is a real life “if you build it they will come” situation.

Which leads me to the best kind of problem to have. We can’t seem to fund the progress fast enough. We have delivered a tool to the nation’s top doctors who are eager to use it, but we need to fund the data to go inside. Putting the data into Cavatica means truly empowering precision medicine. It means we will be on our way to saving lives. If you’ve ever faced cancer, for yourself or a loved one, then you know that today matters.

There’s another great quote in Field of Dreams that applies to this situation. Archie Graham says, “We just don’t recognize life’s most significant moments while they’re happening. Back then I thought, “Well, there’ll be other days”. I didn’t realize that that was the only day.” It’s easy to let days slip by without taking action, but one day, there won’t be any more chances. We have to seize the opportunity now! Not because there won’t still be data to add tomorrow, but because there are lives being lost today. Every day is life or death to someone. So let’s work with urgency now to save more lives tomorrow.

As I sit here with a riot of thoughts, I realized none of them were really cohesive enough to make a decent blog post. When I tried to find the right words, my brain came back blank. I got nothing. Why is that?

Part of it is because what half of the world mostly wants to hear is the good and positive stuff we are doing to change the world. That’s fun to write, but it doesn’t seem to spur people to action. The other people in the world want to hear the horrible stuff. I’m a bit appalled at the number of supposed childhood cancer awareness advocates on social media who really don’t want to share anything other than pictures of dead and dying kids. It’s disgusting, and yet they have tons of followers.

Tonight I don’t have a story that would fall into either of those categories. There was no amazing advancement today. None of the kids I’m following died – praise Jesus! No, today was simply a day where parents I know watched their children play or eat or go to school, knowing that there is a monster growing inside of them. A savage, bloodthirsty monster slowly changing their brain. These parents live every day in a place of panic you can only know if you have been there. Doctors look at you with sad eyes. You know the look most people get when they go on hospice, or run out of treatments. Our kids and their parents get those looks on the day of diagnosis. Because while there are treatments, they are not highly successful. They try them because once in a while, the treatment will work. If we could see each child on a molecular level, we might be able to figure out why one child lives while many others die. That’s what Dragon Master Foundation is trying desperately to do. And we are desperate. We know the panic. The fear. The absolute powerlessness.

I spend a lot of my time trying to help people understand that we are at a critical juncture in time. We have a chance to impact lives in the most real way imaginable. The work we are doing alongside many partners will impact the way research is done. We are flipping the model. The old way isn’t good enough. We have other tools – better tools- that are within our reach. We could get there faster if people would just pay attention. It is hard to remember to do something like vote on social media every day. But it’s not nearly as hard as facing someone with a cancer diagnosis knowing you didn’t even try.

Tonight I feel both blessed and disappointed. Blessed by so many people who went truly out of their way to help us with our bid to win $500,000 from Microsoft. And my heart is sorely disappointed in those who didn’t make the slightest effort to help us in this or other attempts. You’re busy. I get it. I used to be “busy”, too. Ironically, I’m busier now that I have ever been in my life. It won’t bring my son back. But it will save someone else’s child. How soon it does is up to each of us.

Brain Cancer Awareness Month is, at best, bittersweet. A time for us to bring awareness to a disease that takes a devastating toll on families. It is a time for us to celebrate the victories of those who are living with this disease and at time for us to remember those who were taken by it.

I will be posting a lot this month about the brain cancer warriors who have crossed my path, and I will try to bring awareness to the disease and to events happening around the country. Everyone can wear grey and talk about brain cancer awareness month, but hopefully, by posting this list, you may also be able to find an event near you to attend. Please also consider changing your social media images to a grey awareness picture. If you Tweet, I’d love to connect with you on Twitter. Tweet me at @AmandaHaddock and you can use hashtags #btam (for brain tumor awareness month) and #BrainTumorThursday – a day each week throughout the year that we raise awareness.

If you know of an event that isn’t on the list, please message me so I can add it. I’m pretty sure I’ll be adding events all month, so please bookmark this list and check back!

Anywhere
May 8 – Go Grey for a Day – Make sure you wear grey on this day and tell people that you are doing it for brain tumor/cancer awareness

May 15 – Webinar to learn about the latest in collaborative brain cancer research – http://bit.ly/1dLwolc

Look for ways you can contribute to your favorite organizations every day. There are too many organizations to list all the possibilities, but here are some ways you could help Dragon Master Foundation:
– Following us on Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest
– Choosing us when you shop on AmazonSmile
– Recycling for us with our free shipping program
– Register your Dillons card using our #11547 – a lot of grocery stores have this option. If you don’t see your favorite foundation listed, tell them, so they can get signed up!
– Do your intent shopping with iGive

Also, check your favorite foundation’s website for other promotions that may be happening. For example, Dragon Master Foundation has the opportunity to win a unique piece of dragon art created just for the foundation! Check it out here.

Ok, now for a state by state listing of activities you can participate in:

This week I had the great pleasure of speaking with Dr. Peter Adamson, Group Chair of the Children’s Oncology Group (COG). For those of you unfamiliar with COG, more than 90% of children and adolescents diagnosed with cancer each year in the United States are cared for at Children’s Oncology Group member institutions. Their goal is to cure all children and adolescents with cancer, reduce the short and long-term complications of cancer treatments, and determine the causes and find ways to prevent childhood cancer. That matches our mission pretty well, so I was excited to learn where we might be able to collaborate.

COG is currently focused on collecting biospecimens and clinical data. In layman’s terms, they are collecting cancer specimens (tissue, blood, etc) as well ad information on the child’s diagnosis, treatment and outcome. They have collected a massive amount of data over the past 50 years. They have well over a million biospecimens! More than 350,000 patients have shared data with them. They have biorepositories and databases in different parts of the country and work with over 220 hospitals in the US & Canada.

I am very impressed by what they have accomplished, but ultimately, I believe that the infrastructure we are building can improve the work they are doing. Their focus is collecting the specimens and data. Our focus is taking those specimens and data and making them a perpetual resource backed by robust computational power to allow them to collaborate with other researchers and also analyze and visualize the data in new ways.

To give you some idea of the scale of the data, let’s look at the numbers. There are approximately 14,000 children a year diagnosed with cancer in the US. Collecting a biospecimen would cost somewhere in the range of $1,000. (The NIH currently values that at around $500, but the actual institutional cost is thought to be much higher, thus my $1,000 figure.) So just to collect the biospecimens for those patients, you are looking at $140,000 per year. However, that is just scratching the surface of what needs to be done. Those specimens have to be stored (visualize giant freezers with robots to access the individual samples), categorized, and matched with corresponding clinical records.

Traditionally, most hospitals and foundations have been unwilling and/or unable to invest in the infrastructure that it would take to compile this amount of data. COG demonstrated real vision by collecting this data and they have been able to use it to forward science. Dragon Master Foundation believes that additional computational power, or “big data” analytics, will help them find the cures they seek even faster.

Dr. Adamson said he felt Dragon Master Foundation is taking “a sophisticated look at the challenge.” We know that building this type of computational infrastructure will be expensive, but we also know that it will exponentially decrease the amount of time it takes for researchers to collect and query data. Faster answers to their questions means faster cures for us.

There is no doubt in my mind that we are building a resource that will improve cancer research. It ultimately will help cancer researchers throughout the US, and probably throughout the world. It will make the work they have been doing for years more relevant.

To learn more about Dragon Master Foundation, please visit http://www.dragonmasterfoundation.org. To learn more about the Children’s Oncology Group, please visit projecteverychild.org or childrensoncologygroup.org .

We get a lot of questions about Dragon Master Foundation, and whenever I have the chance to talk to someone about it, the response is amazing. They always end up saying “Wow, that’s such a big deal!” People are so generous with their support once they understand the project. The problem is, a lot of people don’t understand what we are doing and why it is needed. So I thought I’d take a moment to explain a little bit about what makes this project so special.

When David was sick, we were inside hospitals for days at a time watching people do their jobs. Technology is everywhere – from the patient bedside to databases in some unseen corner of the building. However, all of that technology seems to be locked inside each institution, with very little ability to share information from one hospital to the next.

It is like being a horse with blinders on. You can only see a small part what’s really out there. You get a myopic view of the world. Unfortunately, that is the world most cancer doctors and researchers face. They long for more information, but it is largely out of their reach.

You may be thinking, “But what about the internet? Can’t they just send their information back and forth?” The short answer is no. Between HIPAA, different technology formats, and the sheer size of data, even the most collaborative hospitals have trouble sharing all the information researchers want to access. Collaboration would mean that a database would quickly need to warehouse petabytes of of information – a task that has only been tackled by the likes of the NSA or Google in the past.

It is an overwhelming task, to be sure, but for the first time in history, it is possible. It is possible to house genetic information and clinical data in one place so that researchers can really see the “big picture” of a patient’s health and furthermore, they can compare that patient to other patients. They can start to see why a drug works for one patient and not another. They can start to make sense out of things that are seemingly random.

It will be four years this September since we were dropped into this cancer world. I’m not a doctor or a researcher, but I’ve talked to as many as I could over that time, and every one of them has said a database like this would be an asset to them. EVERY ONE OF THEM.

And yet, we continue to spend money on tiny projects that help a single researcher or a single hospital. Please don’t misunderstand. Every researcher needs funding. Every hospital needs more help. But this is a situation of not being able to see the forrest for the trees. We need to build an infrastructure for the research data if we ever hope to move at a pace that is faster than cancer.

The good news is, we have made amazing progress. We have joined forces with the Children’s Brain Tumor Tissue Consortium, Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh, Chicago’s Lurie Children’s Hospital, and Children’s Hospital of Seattle to take the database they are working on and grow it to a scale that can help pediatric and adult patients. The data is already being collected, which is a great and wonderful thing. However, it means that we are already at a place where we need vast amounts of funding in order to continue to grow.

I wake up every morning more sure that this database will change the way they do medical research. I have hope that people will begin to understand the vision that that this database represents, and that they will focus on helping us build it. You ABSOLUTELY CAN make a HUGE difference in the fight against cancer. Please share the mission of Dragon Master Foundation. Like us on Facebook ( http://www.facebook.com/DragonMasterFoundation ). Follow us on Twitter (@dragonmasterfdn and/or @amandahaddock ). Host a grass-roots fundraising event. Something as simple as dining out at a local restaurant that will donate proceeds can be a huge help with both raising money and raising awareness. Cancer is a beast that is taking lives. You can be a dragon master. Please join us today!

I’ve always been the kind of person that likes to stay busy, have a hand in everything. I like to do as much at our kid’s school as possible, be involved with our parish, help in our community. I had no idea how much we would need all those people. I had no idea that they would rally around us before we even knew we needed it. I’m thinking back to those first days, weeks, months of Adele’s diagnosis and treatment. If someone had asked what we needed instead of just stepping up and doing it, I don’t think I would have known what to say. If I did have an idea, I would have been too proud to voice it. I do now know what we needed and were blessed with, and I hope it helps other friends and families who want to know how to help.

Let’s start with just how debilitating it can be to have a sick kid; a “really sick, possibly won’t make” it kid. It was literally all I could do to roll out of bed. I probably functioned on about 50% of my brain during the worst times, the chemo, waiting on those crucial MRI’s. Nothing extra was happening, lots of McDonald’s was consumed, and we limped along. The worry was physically and mentally exhausting. I had no idea how much worry could knock a person down. Thankfully, I had given up all of my volunteer duties and part time work as soon as Adele got sick. I gave myself permission to focus solely on her and our family being together. Our world narrowed in a big way to the most critical, most important things and everything else had to go, at least for a while.

The best thing anyone did, and continue to do, is pray for Adele. I’ll never forget someone’s message “when you are too tired to pray, I’m praying.” That was, and still is, incredibly comforting. I did have times where there was nothing left, and I was so thankful for the folks out there praying for Adele. To this day, prayer holds us up. We’ve received several relics and medals that we keep near Adele (she has relics of St. Benedict, Gianna and Gerard under her crib sheet). She also has a miraculous medal under there. You can’t really put a chain around a toddler’s neck so sleeping with them (safely) was the next best thing.

Food was probably second best on the list of things folks did. Our kids would have eaten chicken nuggets every night if it wasn’t for our amazing parish, friends, and even strangers. Even better, everyone brought tons of food, so even though we only got a few meals each week, there was plenty of food. Don’t give someone your dishes, please use a foil pan that they can throw away. The last thing they need is to worry about returning your Pyrex. Some of my favorite meals were the snacky ones where we could just grab bits here and there. Also awesome was the meal that could be eaten or frozen. Sometimes we were either out of town or needed to eat other food first. The ability to freeze a meal and pull it out later was wonderful.

Another huge blessing was a family that single handedly took over our lawn care. Honestly, we probably never would have remembered to mow. Even if we did remember, we were tired or gone or just wanted to be together as a family. This goes for the other every day tasks of life too. Go fold laundry or pool cash together with friends and send someone to clean house. We were blessed with a couple different friends who gifted us housecleaning, and it was amazing. The sheets never would have gotten changed otherwise. When you spend an hour or two on someone’s every day work, you are gifting them an hour or two. That time is so precious.

Don’t ask to mow, just show up and do it. I always felt guilty saying yes to help, and I was so busy during hospital stays that I couldn’t keep up with texts, calls and emails. When I did have a minute, there was no cell service or I just didn’t have the energy. Just drop off a meal, or just take a Coke to the hospital. And then go home. I know that sounds mean, but it takes a lot of extra energy to entertain a visitor. Like I said, this is my experience, everyone is different. There were a few, very low maintenance visitors that were very helpful and without them Peter and I would have lost our minds.

Please don’t stop emailing or texting; just don’t expect a response. We had a very busy, social life before cancer struck, and I felt very isolated at times. Even if I didn’t reply, I loved reading the emails and messages. It meant a lot that folks were thinking about and praying for us. A lot of times the message was exactly what we needed right then too, like the friend praying when we were too tired. I know you don’t know what to say, just “Hi, I’m praying” is good.

Our parish, friends and family raised cash for us and created a non-profit fund for Adele at a local bank. This was a huge Godsend that we didn’t even realize would need and continue to need. Medical costs of course are huge, and then all the extras like travel costs, extra eating out when you don’t have the energy to plan a meal, things you didn’t realize you would need (like the time our one week hospital stay turned into 3 weeks.) We have been so blessed with financial support, and it made a huge, huge difference in our stress level. Not having to worry about missing bills or not having gas money was and is a major blessing. It’s also so good for our hearts and souls to see all the folks pouring out their love to Adele in such a tangible way.

We had a core of consistent hospital visitors that kept us fed and sane, and they rank right up there in the top three best things folks did for us. The guys brought food that didn’t come from the cafeteria; they were helpful, and they didn’t care if we hadn’t showered for four days. They would even hold Adele (who was sometimes screaming because she felt like crap and just wanted Mommy or Daddy.) They didn’t require anything from us, and they filled our tanks so we could make it another day. Being in the hospital is rough, being there and watching your child suffer is almost unbearable.

My husband reminded me how much our friends and family stepped up to help with our three big kids while Adele was in the hospital. There is no way we would have stayed sane, and Peter could have kept working without all the help. Peter’s work has been amazing as well, God is definitely guiding us.

We, well, mostly Adele, got “stuff” as well, along the way. Some of it was very needed, like the Basket of Hope we got after brain surgery in St. Louis. She was feeling better, getting bored, and that came at the perfect time. Others mentioned items like quarters for laundry and vending machines, stamps and stationary, actual mail (this was especially nice for our big kids, several thoughtful folks sent them letters and items.) Someone else to send thank you notes on behalf of the recipient – I could not keep up with thank you notes. We were literally in the hospital for almost 6 months with little breaks in between.

There were also sibling packs from the hospital and other folks that helped our big kids not feel so left out. This really depends on the age of the siblings though, it might not be so helpful for smaller kids. We did get a little overwhelmed with toys and blankies at one point, so temper your toy shopping. I will say that twice we got two big grab bags, those were the best. It was lots of random stuff, mostly one time use and/or disposable, for mommy, daddy and Adele. It was a great distraction and time filler and it was great stuff like gum, little snacks, bottled water and bubbles. All excellent items that we wouldn’t have to pack up when we eventually went home.

Speaking of going home, kids on chemo are must more susceptible to germs so things like Clorox wipes and Purell are always nice. That housecleaning comes in nice here too. You don’t realize the level of clean you have to obtain until your kids immune system is completely wiped out and a germ normal folks encounter every day could send them right back to the hospital.

In summary, prayer is number one. Pray, pray, pray. Just knowing people cared about us and didn’t forget us was so important. And then just the regular every day stuff we all do with barely a thought like eating and home maintenance. Time is a huge blessing, anything you can do to give a family more time together is huge. And it probably doesn’t even cost you any money. Stuff is just extra, little stuff that won’t create more work (i.e. finding a place to put or pack it).

Thank you Jesus for all the folks you sent our way, for all the folks you continue to send our way. You’ve blessed us abundantly. Please bless others in need the same way. Please grant Adele complete healing from cancer and many, many, many years with us on Earth. Jesus, we trust in you.

When we first announced the name of our foundation, people thought we were a little crazy. I understand that the name is unconventional, but so is our goal. It is different. Some might say impossible. So our name reflects not only the enormity of the task, but also that we plan to be successful.

Scientists have been fighting cancer for decades. We have made some advances to be sure, but we are a long way from declaring victory. There are many warriors in this battle, but no united force bringing them together. We live in the Information Age, but research information is in silos that are hard to access. We need the power of the data in every researcher’s hand.

I believe that most people believe, like I did, that there are vast resources available to cancer researchers. That is not the case. There are excellent pockets of data out there, but they are kept at institutions that have limited abilities to share the data with others.

From the National Institute of Health to St. Jude to your local hospital, information is being gathered. It may or may not, ever make it beyond the walls of that particular institution, though. We need a revolution in our healthcare system. That is why we formed Dragon Master Foundation, and that is why we need you to get involved.

Reason #1-
“However small we are, we should always fight for what we believe to be right. And I don’t mean fight with the power of our fists or the power of our swords…I mean the power of our brains and our thoughts and our dreams.” – Cressida Cowell
We have to imagine a world where the cure for cancer is found. What will that world look like? We believe that this is an exciting time where data can be truly harnessed by a new generation of computers. Where a researcher’s theory can be tested, enhanced, and modified within the confines of a database, sparing thousands of manhours of research.

#2. “The Alpha protects them all.” – from How To Train Your Dragon 2
I take this quote two different ways. The first is that the largest cancer research organizations should lead the way for us all. I believe they are trying, but they haven’t found a way to bring it all together. The movie this quote is taken from shows a new “alpha” coming to power. The new Alpha isn’t bigger, but it brings together the power of the group. Above all else, it wanted to protect those it loved. Anyone who has watched a loved one fight cancer can understand this need to protect. Some of us have been powerless in the fight. There was no alpha to bring the group together. Dragon Master Foundation wants to change that.

#3. “I’ve coulda gave up then, but then again I couldn’t have ’cause, I’ve traveled all this way for something.” – from the song “On Top of the World” by Imagine Dragons
Cancer has taken it’s toll on my family’s life. It is a horrible and devastating reality, and it will strike one in three Americans. How many people are there in your family? Those aren’t great odds, are they? I was ignorant about cancer before my son was diagnosed. We travelled through Hell, and it would be the easiest thing in the world to run and not look back. But I’ve travelled down this road for some reason, and I believe the reason is to rally the troops. You may choose to wait until this battle comes to your door, but I’m praying you won’t.

#4. “To have a child is the greatest honor and responsibility that can be bestowed upon any living being.” – Christopher Paolini in Eragon
It’s a popular saying that “it takes a village to raise a child”, and if that is the case, then we are all parents – whether or not you have a biological child. We are all stewards of the Earth and those who walk upon it. There are many worthy causes to fight for, but among them, cancer is one of the most deadly to the most innocent among us. There are few things to compare with cutting a life short. We ruthlessly pursue murderers and terrorists, but we are not pursuing cancer with the same vigor. Cancer killed my child. I’m fighting so that we can stop it from killing yours, too.

#5. “He doesn’t understand that he’s the one that has the power to stop it. He simply can’t imagine that one little boy could be that important.” – from the Neverending Story
It is hard to imagine how you make a difference in the fight against cancer, but you do!! With every person that stands up in the fight, a researcher is more energized in their work. With each person who commits their meager donation to the cause, we inch toward our goal. With every share of a blog post or Tweet or status, you tell the story for people who can no longer advocate for themselves.

The fact is that you do make a difference. Your voice, your time, and your resources matter a lot in the fight against cancer. We appreciate each and every one of you who have joined in this fight with us. And if you would like to learn more, read about our goals at http://www.dragonmasterfoundation.org

I had no idea when I embarked on this blog project that it would be this moving. I had asked people I know to share their insights, and I thought I was prepared for what they had to say. I was not. I am so moved by the posts coming in. It is so amazing to me that so many people are willing to bare their souls in an attempt to help others.

About a year ago, I got a really nice message from a mother who thanked me for sharing what it was like have a child with brain cancer. I feel like I didn’t share much because of trying to protect my teen’s privacy, but somehow it still helped another family.

This #52blog project is going to help countless families. They are going to gain amazing insight to what it is like to deal with brain cancer. These are brave people sharing difficult stories. I hope you can understand what a blessing it is to put this out there into the world. I’m truly humbled that they are sacrificing this bit of themselves for the greater good. It’s going to be an amazing year.