Archive for February 2014

Yay!! It’s raining today, and it’s predicted to rain most of the next week! This has been our year without a winter (while places farther East have had double winter), and the one downside of that has been too little rain. The hills finally turned green after our last few days of rain, and now they will turn even more emerald!

I finished my Self Love Mirror this week. I am so grateful for the 13-step painting process that I now can draw upon to express myself. And one of the best parts of this is that I do not know where the painting is going. I have a place to start, I take action, I watch what happens, I listen for the next step, and then I take it. Over and over again.

In that way, it’s a lot like building a business! An unfolding creative process that takes me somewhere I didn’t know I was going, and surprises me with what’s possible that I didn’t even imagine. Because if you already know where you are going, then why take the journey!

Rain-filled blessings of growth and aliveness to you in this emerging early springtime!

Every week I speak with practitioners and business owners about their message. Message is one the key elements of any successful business. And for those in the healing arts, coaching and transformational fields, it’s one of the must difficult to wrap their minds around.

Last week I talked about the energetic aspect of your message, and how you are attracting or repelling people around you, including your prospective clients and supporters by your internal willingness or resistance to being visible.

In the next few weeks, I want to talk about the three layers of your message, and the key components and characteristics of each. Today I’m going to address the all important, and often dreaded, “elevator” speech. This is your brief way of responding to the question: “what do you do?” It’s often one of the first impressions you make on people when you meet them. And it’s certainly how you position yourself within the world of work and business.

[Carolyn Myss says this is one of the two key questions that all of us use in an instant to situate someone archetypally (i.e. what kind of a person are you). It’s one of the ways you are immediately (and unconsciously) categorized by the people you meet – super important! Interesting, right?]

How you respond to that question is what I call your attraction or intention statement. The reason so many people stumble or freeze at this question is that they think they need to (and they want to) communicate the richness of who they are and all that they do in this statement. Please let me relieve you of this burden – that is simply not possible! You cannot capture your gifts, talents, skills and life experience (your Soul Signature) in your attraction statement. So don’t even try. Okay, breathe a sigh of relief now. . .

The biggest mistake most people make, is they talk about the modality they were trained in (or modalities more likely), and they talk about their process(es). They talk about what they DO with clients. Very often this is fueled by a desire to demonstrate their expertise. But the thing is, most people will not even understand – much less care – about what you’re talking about if you do that.

Far more effective iswhen your attraction statement focuses on your Tribe and what they will receive from you, instead of on you and the process you do. I know that might seem counter intuitive, but it is far more effective. People want to know who you work with (your Tribe), and the problems or issues you address, and the types of results they can expect from working with you. That way they can assess whether or not they want to work with you, or who to refer to you.

~ > And once you know how to talk about what those things are in a clear, concise and compelling manner, everything becomes much easier.

Here are several examples to illustrate what I mean:

(I) BEFORE: I am an acupuncturist and I work with hormones, digestive problems, sleep issues, chronic pain, and lack of energy. I also have energy practices that create more relaxation and well-being. [Too general and way too many issues.]

(I) AFTER: I use proven techniques to help women experience stable energy and moods throughout their cycles, become pregnant when they want to, and recover quickly after childbirth. [Specific Tribe with specific issues addressed and outcomes stated. Of course this means focusing!]

(II) BEFORE: I am a spiritual teacher and clairvoyant, and I teach meditation practices for clearing your cords, grounding yourself, and moving people out of your personal space. [Language is too specific to the modality for people to understand and know what the benefits are.]

(II) AFTER: I help sensitive and intuitive people who work with clients and who love their work, but also feel exhausted and overwhelmed by it. I give them tools and strategies that enable them to think more clearly, experience more vitality, and transition fully out of their workday with clients so that they have stronger and clearer energy for themselves. [Language focused on the issues experienced by this tribe, and benefits of doing the work.]

(III) BEFORE: I am a psychotherapist and I help individuals and couples with somatic techniques feel more at home with themselves. I help them connect with nature and feel more comfortable in their bodies. [Tribe and benefits are not clearly defined.]

(III) AFTER: I work with people who feel disconnected by living in a fast-paced, high-tech, urban environment, and who crave a deeper connection with the earth, trees, and the ocean. When they work with me, they make experiences in nature a priority, they learn to open their senses in the right environments, they become more attuned to their body wisdom, and they carry within themselves a sense of connection and peace that they can access at any time. [Tribe more focused, and benefits and outcome clearly defined.]

It’s super important that you feel comfortable responding to that often-asked question: “what do you do?” You do not want to have a canned response, and you don’t need one. What you do need, is a clear sense of who your people are, and what they get from working with you – as specifically as possible.

You want to create a “That’s me!” moment in your prospective ideal clients when they hear you say what you do. If you tend to get the equivalent of “that’s nice,” then you know that your statement is too general, unfocused or not emotional enough. No one will argue with it, but they won’t more toward it either.

Give it a try! Who are your people, what do they struggle with, and what will they experience as a result of working with you?

I had the great delight to begin painting my Self Love Mirror this past Monday with my friend, Christine Arylo. Here is a photo of us with our paintings in the vineyard, and one of my painting, which continues to evolve! I am delighted to have created a dedicated painting space in my home AT LAST. It makes such a difference to be able to spend 30 minutes painting in the morning before I start my workday.

I’ve also been really enjoying dancing more as I spend a few more weeks at home than I do most of the year. Dancing is my favorite form of meditation – and this is such a great counter point to working on the computer and being on the phone much of the day.

And we continue to have a year without a winter here. Bright sunshine, warm days, trees blossoming. I love walking outside and enjoying the hills turning green.

Is your message flat? It probably is if you are trying to focus on just the words of it. Now of course the words do matter, and next week I will share with you about the words part. 😉 This week I’m going to share with you about everything else, which is actually MOST of it!

If you are focusing just on the words of your message, you are being too mental about it.Messaging needs to be emotional in order to be effective. Words certainly contribute to that, but that’s not all that it is. Your message needs to touch you first, and then someone else. So many people try to get their “elevator speech” or what they say about themselves just right. Just the right words. Just the right number of words. Just the right phrasing. They don’t trust their ability to improv, to be relaxed, and allow their message to flow.

So they over plan it – and that leads it to being flat. Flat because it’s canned, it’s too prepared, it’s just too perfect without any life to it. You know what I mean? Have you heard people sound that way, or have you done that yourself.

If you have – you are SO not alone!

Now, why would you or anyone do that?

Because it’s safer that way.

You have probably heard that 80% of communication is non-verbal. So think about that for a moment. Eighty percent. That’s a lot. I mean way more than half. Most of communication is body language, tonality, facial expression and your energy or your vibration. Only 1/5 is your actual words. So if you focus mostly on the words and don’t focus on everything else you are unlikely to hit the mark.

Even more, you may not even be aware of the primary message you are sending out. Kind of a scary idea, isn’t it?

Did you know that when you speak or write your message, you transmit your underlying energy and beliefs, often without your conscious intention and sometimes without your knowledge. And this can include fear of visibility, exposure, rejection, ridicule or even punishment. I know that sounds really strong, but that’s actually what’s going on underneath the surface for many people. Is that true for you?

Because if it is, then you can be sending out a double message: Come here, go away, come here, go away. Your words say I am here to serve, your energy says don’t talk to me. And people listening to you don’t even know why, they just get the message to walk away. Your “message,” meaning your words, may come across as flat because you’re trying your best, and trying to manage the riot that’s going on deep inside, and to do that you have to push a whole bunch of stuff down deep. So deep you may not even know it’s there.

You need to become aware of the message you are already, and probably unconsciously, giving out. Because if you are not getting the results that you truly want, if people are not lining up to work with you, if you don’t have the number of clients or are making the amount of money you want, it has to do with your message. And probably the message you are giving out that you may not be aware of.

The good news is that with awareness comes new choices. Notice how you feel when you are talking with people. Notice how they respond to you. Notice how alive or flat you feel. Notice whatever else you feel, what energy you are experiencing, your attitude and tonality. Because that is actually most of your message.

When you express yourself from the Soul Level, when your message is Soul-inspired, you will be lively, magnetic, engaging, and people will want to hear what you have to say. Yes, because of the words, but mostly because you are fully connected to yourself, your purpose, your reason for being in business, and the contribution you want to make to the world. Then you will never fall flat.

Last weekend I woke up in a fit of negative self talk and worry that would not let me go back to sleep. I hate that. I wish I could say it didn’t happen but it does. Does it happen to you, too? Or your version of it?

Fortunately I have a copy of Madly in Love with Me, the best-selling book by my friend Christine Arylo, so when I got up, I read the chapter on self acceptance (highly recommended for you over achievers). And I got completely inspired to paint a self love mirror.

In the book she has a writing exercise about listing your negative self talk on one “mirror” and then tearing it up, then writing another list of self love affirmations, another “mirror” that you keep and post where you can see it frequently. I want to take this one step farther and paint a self love mirror!

So I went to Riley’s Art Supply in Santa Rosa, and they have a 50% off just about everything sale, and I bought a new easel (YAY!!), canvases and a bunch of other cool stuff. So this upcoming weekend, I’m going to have a date with myself to paint my self love mirror. I am super excited about it – and I will share a photo of it with you when it’s done.

I’m delighted to share with you all about SELF LOVE in this week’s newsletter – please read on for insights, ideas, and gifts to help you as you explore this final frontier!

I grew up watching the original Star Trek – Space, the Final Frontier. And generations of kids and grown ups have enjoyed the exploration of space through Star Trek’s many iterations and plenty of other science fiction.

But what if the final frontier lies not out there, but inside you?

With your relationship with your SELF?

What if I were to tell you, that your deepest pain comes from the negative attitudes you have about yourself? Not from what other people have done. Not from betrayal or disappointment or abandonment. But from how you’ve responded to your circumstances, and particularly what you’ve made your experiences mean about yourself?

When I was practicing as a Clarity Breathworker, I became acutely aware of this truth as I worked deeply with my clients in their personal and spiritual growth process. As we went deep into the unconscious, clients uncovered negative self-talk at the deepest level: you’re unlovable, you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, not pretty enough, not outgoing enough, not reserved enough – on and on, going round and round. Negative self talk that may have originated from either taking in what someone said (like a parent, sibling, or teacher) or an experience of some kind, but that now was on automatic pilot, replaying without end.

Negative self talk – what my friends Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers call the inner mean girls and inner bullies – beats you down from the inside without you even knowing it. You don’t know it because it becomes “normal” – that is, typical, or “just the way things are.” And unfortunately in the US, this kind of self criticism and even self hatred is common. The Dalai Lama has remarked how striking this is in the Western world – the norm of self hatred – which was not really even known in Tibet.

It can be hard to even imagine – can you imagine a world in which self criticism does not exist? Wow – that would be a relief!

In the Hippie generation, peace and love became ideal. At first that often meant sexual love, sexual healing, and then love between people, love between nations. Over the last 40 years, what love means, how to practice love with your partner, with your children, and even with your co-workers and neighbors has been explored extensively – books written, schools founded, and therapists trained.

But self love? That’s another story. The dictionary still defines self love as narcissism, self absorption – like it’s something bad or negative. Commonly people think of self love as selfish.

And your lack of self love deeply affects your success in your business. I work everyday with women entrepreneurs on owning their true value. Because owning your value and the value of the service that you provide is critical to the success of your business. So are appreciating, acknowledging and accepting yourself. And that’s really hard to do when you are internally criticizing and judging yourself instead of loving yourself.

I think this matter is so important that I asked my good friend, Christine Arylo, who has made the understanding and cultivation of self love her life’s work, to do an interview with me to help you get this and give you tips on what to do to shift from beating up on yourself, to loving and accepting yourself.

Now notice how you feel when you even read that? Do you reject that idea, even for a moment? Because most of us freeze up at the prospect of self love – strange, right?

Please listen to the interview I did with Christine – it’s totally free to you and you don’t even need to opt in. Share it with those you love and your friends – spread the word. Our gift to you!

Go here now to receive The Magic of Self LoveInterview with myself and Christine Arylo.

You may have either heard me speak or write about a common disease I find, particularly among intelligent, capable women. It’s what I call the “I-can-do-it-on-my-own” disease. It arises from several sources:

Conditioning that tells women that we are supposed to focus on the needs of other people rather than our own.

Religious programming (usually from another lifetime) that says it’s noble or just to martyr and sacrifice yourself in the service of others.

And ironically, a misinterpretation of feminism that says – because you can do it all, you should do it all! And even worse, if you don’t do it all, you are not good enough or not enough!

None of this is true.

Yet beliefs like this work below the level of your conscious awareness, orchestrating your sense of possibilities or lack thereof without you even knowing it.

I’ve checked this out with hundreds (maybe thousands at this point) of women. I ask them what I’m about to ask you:

Do you think you should be able to figure this out (creating a lucrative business) on your own?

Are you frustrated because you know it can’t be that hard, and you’ve been working at it, but you are still struggling?

And worst of all, do you think something is wrong with YOU because you haven’t figured it out and created the income you know you and your services are actually worth?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, chances are you are not getting the support that you need. You may have plenty of information – in fact you are probably swimming in information! But having information isn’t enough. If it were, everyone would be doing great, right? I mean information is available everywhere now. Yes, information is important.

But knowing how and when to use that information, knowing what to do and in what order, and what to do when things don’t pan out like the experts say that they will (because that happens to all of us, myself included!!) – that is something else entirely.

That’s what you need support for.

You were not meant to do this on your own.None of us were.

I bumped around for 18 months trying on my own to get my work on-line, extend my reach, and create a bigger, more impactful and more lucrative business. Mostly I got frustrated and annoyed with myself – and frankly with the programs that I had purchased that I couldn’t really do on my own. So if you are feeling this way, I totally understand because I’ve been there, too.

It wasn’t until I invested in getting the one-on-one support that I needed that everything changed.

Sure, there are few people who manage to create lucrative businesses on their own. But you know what, that’s like saying we should all be able to build Apple computers because a couple of guys were able to do that in a garage a couple of decades ago. (And they did not do it on their own, by the way!) Comparison will get you down every time.

So please, get the support you need. If you are interested in working more with me, my Creating Money Circle has a few spaces left and now is the time. This program includes one-on-one coaching and direct email access to me for every participant. That’s practically unheard of in the coaching industry.

If I’m not fit for you, that is totally fine with me. I know I’m not for everyone! But then find someone who is a fit for you.

The most important thing is that you get the support you need so that you can realize your potential, you can create the income you deserve, you can live full out and make the impact you’ve always wanted.

Today I’m finishing up a visit with my parents in Seattle. Sunshine has been bright since I’ve been here, and left Sebastopol on Sunday in the driving rainstorm! Much needed rain in California – let there be more.

I’m here supporting my parents as their lives change and they need increasing care. I’m glad that my business enables me to take time for this instead of being stuck with two weeks of vacation every year!

Tomorrow I’m delighted to be starting a new cycle with my Creating Money Circle. I am so impressed with the women (and a couple of brave men!) who have gathered for this circle, dedicating themselves to gaining the business skills they need to create the income they truly deserve!

I really love supporting visionaries to get their work out and make their mark – AND make money at the same time. That’s how we shift the economy to support MORE LIFE industries, instead of ones that pollute the earth, cultivate addictions, and promote war. And that gets me very excited!