Twitter Updates

Saturday, August 04, 2012

You know that feeling when you push back certain feelings and memories and keep running away from it all because you're too afraid it'll come back to haunt you? And then when it's been a while and you stumble upon something...imagine how liberated you would feel if you felt nothing at all...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

What do you do with the pain? The pain that’s eating away at your existence, threatening to corrode your very soul?

It conquers your life, runs it the way it wishes to, twists you into many complicated knots till you can’t breathe. The pain becomes a separate entity and watches you burn from the inside out.

It even lends a match.

The pain.

It manifests itself into different forms, changing like a chameleon hiding for cover...sometimes hot, angry tears...sometimes acrid words spewed out of a bleeding lip...sometimes a razor sharp cut on the skin. And sometimes, numbness. A blunt force trauma to the heart with no visible wounds.

Tears don’t surface.

Words lose voice

The gashes are too deep inside. Too concealed to be revealed.

The pain seeps through the veins like an invisible, untraceable drug. The pain grows on you like cancer...it possesses you.

That dull ache in your heart becomes your new heartbeat.

Silence becomes your new voice.

It’s the shadow that only leaves you when you’re in the dark – frightened, cold and alone.And every time you think it’s safe to step out into the light, you find it just where you left it.

Waiting patiently.

Laughing at your naivety.

Foolish you.

You give in to its iron grip. Leave everything behind, take off your shoes and prepare to walk on broken glass. Fragments of your life.

Friday, April 08, 2011

When I wrote my first Bengali poem back in 2009, I was almost certain that it would be my last. Not because I didn't want to write in Bengali anymore, but because I didn't think I had it in me. But if there's one thing I've learnt about writing, especially poetry, it is that it's best beyond our control. Words choose themselves and that we are just the medium.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The wind seemed to pick up speed as she walked closer to the edge, just as his heart picked up its pace as she swept her hair into a messy bundle and secured it with a bright purple band. Her slender neck now exposed…allowing the golden orange of the setting sun to gently kiss her on the nape.For a second he feared she read his thoughts as she gingerly lifted her hand to rub her neck. He struggled to look away. It wasn’t just her face…her entire being spoke volumes.There was a calmness in her body. The way she wrapped her arms around herself wasn’t because she was cold- he knew it was because she loved the thrill of being so close to the edge, so high above the ground.

Even with her back turned towards him, she could tell he was watching her. He always watched her when he thought she wasn’t looking. She didn’t mind. Yes, she wasn’t going to be naïve enough to deny that she liked his attention. Nobody looked at her the way he did…with so much longing, with so much depth. It was as if he was trying to unravel a mystery…which is why she liked to hold back just that little bit every time. She gently freed her hair from its tied form and let it cascade down her back. She tilted her head back and let the warm glow of dusk illuminate her face. She wished he would walk over and hold her. She closed her eyes and imagined the moment and let out a long sigh. Smiling, she prepared to step out of her fantasies.

The moment she took a deep breath, he knew she would turn around and he didn’t want to be caught staring at her. Though something deep inside told him, she already knew…or maybe she didn’t…maybe she was pretending not to know…but why? He loved this temporary insanity, the way his heart hop-scotched with anxiety and anticipation. He relished her…like a secret, a treasure only he knew about. Maybe the same way she wanted to preserve him, he realized. His eyes went back to her to find his beautiful treasure surrounded by a golden aura at this point. He suppressed his smile as he saw her brows beginning to knit together in curiosity. How he longed to hold her in his arms and kiss that frown away.

“What?”

“Didn’t you see the bird fly straight into the kite?” he asked her playfully.

She rolled her eyes at him and he laughed – an open, hearty laugh that made her heart skip a beat too many. For a second, it felt like she could put her guards down as she felt his laughter envelop her in its honesty. She closed her eyes and smiled. This was exactly the feeling she longed for…what she’d always felt was missing in her life.

“I love…your smile! I love your smile” he smiled casually. If there was one thing he was great at, that was pretending to be calm and composed.

“Almost” He thought to himself.

“Thank you” She smiled at him and turned to face the horizon again. It didn’t seem so out of reach anymore.