Michael Douglas is a Gas

MICHAEL: And let’s see how much it’ll cost me to have sex with Catherine.
CATHERINE: Haha! It’s true! It’s so true.

Like most people, I often lie awake at night wondering what it’d be like to dine with the Douglas-Zeta-Joneses, so imagine my surprise when these photos of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones entertaining in France popped up, and it’s everything I’d hope it’d be and more. I’m talking him waving money in front of her face then uncomfortably sniffing it for a really long time before clearly shitting himself and everyone gets the fuck out. It’s like having one of those hilarious grandpas who’s super rich yet loves constantly reminding his new wife she’s a whore. I’d beg to move in.

Wearing that pink sweater clearly has an underlaying meaning ‘I beat cancer, I am fucking this chick right here, and I’ve got more money than I can count so..ya, think whatever the fuck you want because I really, REALLY am going getting the last laugh.’

He loves her above all things
he makes her feel like royalty
he’s got a heart of gold
he understands her
In the face of adversity she’s sill his number one
he gives her out of this world orgasms
he is the best husband in the world