Reluctant mom needs counselling in order to deal with buried grief

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is in response to Had a Sad Father's Day -- the man whose wife will not have more children because the two of them gave a baby up as teenagers. I was adopted at birth. This couple should not feel selfish if they have more kids! They felt that they were too young to start a family and that the child would have a better life in a home where they were ready for children. I have absolutely no hard feelings for my biological parents who were young when they had me.

I didn't live a perfect life, but I had adoptive parents who loved me. I understand why my biological parents did what they did. They went their separate ways and had more children with other people. I only grew up with one older brother, also adopted. When I found out I had siblings out there, I was ecstatic. I felt I was given another opportunity to grow bonds with my five half-siblings.

From the adoptee side, everyone is different. I was always curious and had an open mind, but my brother has no interest in looking for his biological parents. So, do not get your hopes up too high, but also don't think the worst. -- Adopted and Reunited, Winnipeg

Dear Reunited: Thanks for taking the time to write to this couple, as it will help to hear advice from your personal adoption/bio-parent experience. I still think the lady involved still needs to get counselling help (with her husband present sometimes) to work out the buried grief and guilt that keeps her from having a child now that she is older. On the other hand, she may not want children for a variety of other reasons and be using this as her reason for not having them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have been dating a woman who has a hard burping problem. Her burps sound hard and dry and painful almost, so I haven't given her any hassle over it. I must say her unselfconscious free burping is now starting to turn me off a little. It's like she's becoming one of the guys, in my mind. I notice she burps after she drinks milk and she guzzles milk like a baby calf. I tried to point this out and she attacked one of my less-than-charming foibles. What should I do? -- Less Than Perfect, Winnipeg

Dear Less: Have you told her this is starting to turn you off sexually though you don't want it to, because you like her so much? If she gets nasty over this new information and lobs some very personal grenades back at you, the whole thing may blow up. Or, she may react quietly. Once you've said your piece, let it become a "whatever will be, will be" situation. Just wait it out. She may see a doctor about reacting to something (probably lactose). Or your desire will simply dwindle, and you'll end up buddies... or less.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: As I am writing to you, I am looking at a young woman next to me at work out of the corner of my eye. She is trying to excite me by doing things with her legs and high-heeled shoes. It is working. I can't get any work done in this office any more, because of her. She just loves to torture me, and distract me from my work. I'm a cautious man, very careful and responsible, but she is making me crazy on purpose. I don't know if I should send her an email or write her a note, or what? But, I can't get my work done properly anymore. -- Feeling Helpless, Winnipeg

Dear Helpless: Young immature women sometimes like to test their powers on shy men. Once you shine a light on it, they often fizzle. They're only strong when they feel you don't have the guts to speak out. Say something that can't be repeated to make you look bad, like: "I know what you're trying to do, but the game is over. I need to work and so do you."

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