Lift Ops

Doc Flake: An informal survey of lifties revealed 75 percent were stoned out of their friggin' skulls. Should I be concerned for my safety?

According to a 2002 study in the Canadian Medical Association Journal—and Dr. F. knows the authors personally—pot doesn't mess with IQ. "We conclude that marijuana does not have a long-term negative impact on global intelligence, the authors wrote. If "global intelligence isn't exactly what you're looking for in the rider-liftie relationship, then take heart in another 2002 study, this one by Britain's official-sounding Transport Research Laboratory. The British report declared that marijuana has far less impact on psychomotor skills than alcohol. Researchers found that "the drug failed to affect reaction time, although it adversely influenced subjects' ability to accurately steer a car. Since chairlifts don't involve steering, Dr. Flake figures a stoned liftie can work every bit as effectively as a hungover one, those being the only two options.