My husband is well again, and we're all together in
one room at last! Much better! I had, apparently, food poisoning on
Saturday...as if I was celebrating an anniversary. (We had food
poisoning last April, and this was how we discovered I was pregnant. My
husband vomited once, and I kept on vomiting and vomiting!) I'm all
better now.

I stopped taking Reglan yesterday and switched back
to Fenugreek, in order to increase my milk supply. I feel better
already, and so far the Fenugreek hasn't bothered Anastasia. (I think
because she's getting so little milk in proportion to formula.)

Anastasia's eating like a wonderful little piggie:
anywhere from 30 to 36 ounces a day. (36 oz. is almost a Big Gulp!)
She's been waking up once or twice each night, and getting up early,
just starving. Her physical therapy is going pretty well. I can
see small improvements already. And this morning, she did about 25
minutes of tummy time and hardly cried at all. Thank goodness for that,
because it's hard on mom and dad when she sobs pathetically the whole
time.

May 3, 2006

I think my milk supply is going to dry up completely.
Taking just Fenugreek (which back in the NICU days worked great), I'm
getting about 75 ccs per day. That's only 2 1/2 oz. Last night, I
thought very seriously about going back on the Reglan prescription, but
decided I just couldn't do it. It messes too much with my mind. So, this
morning, I started taking Blessed Thistle in addition to the Fenugreek.
If that doesn't help, I'm sure I'll dry up within a few days.

Funny how I've been looking forward to an end to
pumping, but now, when faced with it, am depressed I can't continue to
pump. (That's the kind of thing that would drive my husband to roll his
eyes and say something about "women.")

With only a week of physical therapy exercises under
her belt, I can see progress in Anastasia. She's discovered her feet are
good play things. When she "stands up" in our laps, she's less likely to
stand only on her right foot. When she kicks in order to bounce herself
in her bouncy seat, she uses both feet, instead of just her right foot.
She sometimes pitches herself forward in the bouncy seat, or ends up
leaning over to one side and refuses to sit upright, enjoying the
lopsided view. All good signs that her muscles are getting stronger.

She still hates the exercises, though. She's most
tolerant of them in the first morning session, and I've found that
generally she's less apt to cry through the entire half hour if I sing
opera or other high-voiced songs to her. Go figure!

I hate our schedule now, and I'm sure Anastasia
doesn't much like it, either. For example, if she wakes at 8am, I feed
her right away, then put her up in the bouncy seat for 20 minutes, so
she's less likely to vomit (due to her reflux). I pump during those 20
minutes. Then I place her in the crib to play perhaps five minutes while
I put the milk away. I give Anastasia her reflux medicine (and make her
laugh when I tell her to stop spitting it out). Then it's time to do
exercises for at least a half hour. Then it's nap time. And then we
start all over again. It means there's almost no time for Anastasia to
have fun or veg out on her own, no time to go outside and get some
sunshine, no time to "talk" back and forth with mommy, no time to just
stare into each other's faces. Therefore, yesterday I announced to my
hubby that I'm hereby doing only three therapy sessions per day, instead
of four. I'll discuss this with the physical therapist next Tuesday, but
I can't imagine it's good for Anastasia to not have some fun
time. It's also hard on mom, since the only time I spend with her is
either to struggle to feed her, or to make her cry with exercises.

Anastasia was eating extremely well, but in true
Anastasia fashion, is now eating not quite enough. I know she goes
through phases of this, and I try not to stress over it, but it can be
frustrating to try to get her to eat "just a little bit more" after
she's sucked down an ounce and then wants no more.

So, in general, I'm tired and grumpy and wondering
when things are going to start feeling normal.

Using the head support I recently bought her. It
doesn't prevent her from turning her head, but it does keep it from
drooping over one shoulder quite so badly.

Even though she likes carrots, most of her food
ends up outside her tummy!

Tummy time with her Boppy and a good
book...Soon, she'll be crying her eyes out.

May 5, 2006

Well, today I'm packing up the breast pump. I've run
out of milk. Today will be the first in 266 days that I haven't used the
darn thing. I've already washed the pumping parts for the last time, and
thrown away a big bag of the containers the hospital gave me to store
milk in. I'm a little sad I lost the battle, but glad that I made it 9
out of the 12 months I hoped to pump. And oh yeah, I've already eaten
some chocolate. Going without for five months has got to be a record of
some kind.

I did some figuring this morning, and the number of
hours I've spent pumping far outshines the amount of time my husband and
I spent scrubbing in at the hospital (26.6 hours each, not counting
scrubs after cafeteria and bathroom runs). I've pumped for at least 532
hours. Wow! That's a lot of my life! And that doesn't include all the
time spent washing and sterilizing pumping parts.

I do still have a small amount of breast milk in the
freezer, and if I use it in small quantities, it doesn't seem to upset
Anastasia's tummy. (It's from back in the days when I was still eating
dairy.) Anastasia is eating poorly again, but I weighed her this morning
and she was 14 lbs. 3 oz., so she is gaining.

It's weird, but when I'm tired, I still look for her
wires.

May 6, 2006

Anastasia had a rough day yesterday. For some reason,
she woke up tired, so by the time we did her first round of physical
therapy exercises, she was crying and falling asleep sitting in her
Boppy. That's really something, because Anastasia never falls
asleep anywhere but her swing or bouncy seat.

The other two exercise sessions for the day were
horrible. She screamed and cried like her heart was breaking - even more
than usual. And I was crying right along with her.

She visited with her grandpa (my dad-in-law), and
enjoyed that part of the day at least, and then it was nap time. I stuck
her in the swing, which is unfortunately the only place she'll take a
nap. I know, I know. Bad parenting. My only excuse is that when we first
brought her home, she would fall asleep right after eating. And she has
to sit upright after eating, due to her reflux. And I had to pump. So
into the swing she usually went. Then, before I knew it, it was the only
place she'd nap.

Well, all seemed to be going well until I looked up
and noticed her swing was not swinging and Anastasia's eyes were wide
open. I tried changing the batteries, but still...no swinging.

Yes, the most-dreaded thing had happened: Her swing
(i.e. Mother's Best Friend, or "MBF") was broken!

I'd been putting off training Anastasia to nap in her
crib because I figured the PT exercises were stressful enough for her
right now - she didn't need something else that was new. But given the
situation, I laid her down and hoped for the best. She cried and cried.
So I picked her up and rocked her. And she cried and screamed.
Eventually....eventually...she wore herself out and fell asleep
in my arms. I laid her in the crib and she actually slept there...but
only for about 30 minutes. In the meantime, my husband took apart her
swing and found a broken spring. He fashioned a new spring with his own
hands, fixing "MBF." At least for the time being. I'm thankful.
Anastasia spends too much time crying as it is (due to her PT
exercises). I didn't want her crying more.

On a happier note, Anastasia ate squash yesterday and
actually seemed to enjoy it. I don't know how it ended up on her socks.

Yesterday, my husband had his doctor peek down his
throat with a camera. Hubby does have reflux (NERD, it's called), but
it's controlled enough with the Prilosec that any damage that was caused
to his esophagus has healed. He'll be on Prilosec forever. The doctor
said that if the pain in his throat comes back, to be sure to come in
(but he doesn't expect that to happen).

And, oh yes, I packed up my pump and all it's parts
yesterday. I'm torn between burning the thing and tucking it safely away
in the closet - just in case. (Although my husband tells me there will
never be a "just in case.")

May 8, 2006

Anastasia did better at her physical therapy
appointment today. She didn't cry the entire time (although she
did cry a lot), and the physical therapist really noticed an improvement
in her muscles. She gave us a few more exercises to do, including one
that will work the muscles around Anastasia's spine. I'd recently
noticed that her spine seemed to be protruding, but the PT assures me
this is just muscle weakness and can be corrected.

I also got permission to break up Anastasia's tummy
time into smaller segments. This is going to be a life saver for us, if
I can swing it, because Anastasia will tolerate between 5 to 15 minutes
of tummy time without crying. So I can give her tummy time until she
gets inconsolable, take a break, and then do some more. Great news. :)

Anastasia and her daddy.

May 10, 2006

A few days ago, I got the call that RSV season is
officially over in our neck of the woods. That means no more shots! At
least until fall, when we hope our insurance company will continue to
cover them. (We could never afford to get them without insurance;
they're over $1,000 a shot.)

Anastasia's therapy seems to be going a bit better. I
haven't been able to break up her tummy time into shorter time periods;
her schedule is just too tight. Nonetheless, in the mornings (when she
generally tolerates the exercises better) she typically does 15 minutes
of tummy time without complaining at all. I've also started using a foam
wedge instead of a Boppy for tummy time, and it not only seems to work
better (her hands can reach the floor more easily) but Anastasia seems
to find it more comfortable.

I think the physical therapy also seems easier
because the effects of the Reglan I was taking have worn off. I didn't
realize just how much that drug was affecting my outlook! I'm a lot less
stressed now. I've also forgiven myself for not pumping any more, and am
really enjoying not being attached to a machine throughout the day. What
a relief!

Anastasia has been sleeping through the night, which
is sort of nice, even though she wakes up an hour earlier. I get the
same amount of sleep, but now it's uninterrupted. But sleeping through
the night also means missing one feeding, so her total ounces at the end
of the day have been what I'd call borderline. She is eating solids at
least once a day now. We are making progress there, too; even though she
won't open her mouth for the spoon, and even though it takes forever for
her to swallow, she is swallowing some, and not spitting
everything out. Yesterday, when she did some tummy time, she spit up a
little, and there was no doubt it was sweet potato, not formula!

May 12, 2006

Wow. In exactly three months, we will be celebrating
Anastasia's first birthday. That's unbelievable to me. Has nearly a year
already passed? Of course, the one year mark will be a little
different from your average; Anastasia was born so early, she'll
actually be behaving like a 9 month old on her first birthday.

But a smart little girl she is. Two days ago, she
started rolling over whenever I put her on her tummy. She turns over and
grins and grins, pleased that she's solved her life's greatest problem:
tummy time. And then I praise her and clap for her...and put her right
back on her tummy. And then she rolls over again, and I praise her and
put her back on her tummy...She's been doing this every day now, which
is fine, because it's good exercise. But she does get a bit miffed at me
after a while.

P.S. Have I mentioned how good I feel now that I'm
off Reglan??? I just didn't realize how much the stuff was affecting my
outlook! The difference is amazing.

May 13, 2006

Just a quick note today to mention that Anastasia
fell asleep last night, with no aids. She was laying in our bed,
between us, soaking up some end-of-the-day attention, and as hubby and I
talked, she fell asleep. And I was able to transfer her to her
co-sleeper without waking her. Score one!

May 13 (part II)

We're having all kinds of good firsts today!
Anastasia ate oatmeal (the kind for babies) for the first time today,
and actually seemed to enjoy it. She even tried to eat the "left overs"
on her bib. I'd say she liked it better than her veggies. Then, she
fell asleep in her crib. Well, actually, she fell asleep during tummy
time, and I transferred her to her crib. She woke up, but soon fell back
to sleep. Goodie for Anastasia!

May 15, 2006

Thank you, everyone, for the Mother's Day wishes :)

We had a good one, traveling about two hours to visit
with my in-laws. It's the first time in a long time we've been able to
visit with them at any length. It was also the first time Anastasia has
really been away from home, except to visit the doctor. We also had the
largest crowd assembled that she's ever seen, and she met her youngest
cousins and one of her aunts and uncles for the first time. She was all
eyes, taking everything in and not wanting to eat or sleep. Everyone
kept saying what a good baby she was. (She's not a crier, unless she's
really exhausted - or you want her to do tummy time!) She slept part of
the way home, and once we were in the house, started babbling and
smiling non-stop (no doubt, telling us about her exciting day). Then she
crashed.

May 16, 2006

Anastasia had a "well baby checkup" yesterday,
punctuated by the nurses giving us literature on 9 month olds, and me
reminding them to chart Anastasia's weight on the 5 month old chart.
According to her corrected age, she's still in the 50% percentile,
although her head is in the 60% percentile.

The doctor suggested we start using a sippy cup,
which made me wonder if she was accidentally looking at her notes for a
9 month old. A sippy cup? Anastasia isn't even holding her own bottle
yet. She's still trying to master the art of eating oatmeal. I think a
sippy cup might be a bit advanced yet.

The only bad part of the visit was when they drew
some blood for a lead test (standard, I guess, if you live in an older
house). This was the first time Anastasia's blood had been drawn not
from her heel, but from her arm. The first try was unsuccessful, so they
brought in another nurse, who managed to get all the blood they needed
with the second try. Anastasia cried, but mostly from being restrained,
not from the prick of the needle. It was especially offensive to her
that the nurses chose to draw blood from the same arm that held the hand
she was sucking on.

The doctor also sent us home with a prescription for
fluoride. Who knew this was standard practice these days?

May 17, 2006

Well, there are a lot of strong opinions about sippy
cups out there! Quite a few of you wrote to tell me not to dismiss the
idea of a cup - that you'd had success using one with very young babies.
I certainly will try the sippy cup idea, but...Anastasia still uses a
preemie nipple, because a regular nipple is too hard for her to suck on.
Most days, I'm lucky to get 23 oz. down her (6 oz. less than what she's
supposed to have). She also still has an overactive gag reflex, due to
having tubes down her throat in the NICU; she easily gags on both her
bottle and a baby spoon...So it's tough to imagine that a sippy cup is
right for Anastasia just yet. But, you're right; you never know.

I also did a little research on fluoride yesterday.
The American Pediatric Society says not to use it until 6 months of age,
and then to use caution, since damage to the teeth will occur if the
baby is exposed to too much fluoride. Even though it's probably fine to
start now, I'll wait until Anastasia hits the 6 month corrected mark to
give her the fluoride drops.

Today, the county nurse visited to assess Anastasia's
development. She pronounced Anastasia a little more than a month behind
in her fine motor skills. This isn't news to us, but it's always good to
get another opinion. Specifically, the nurse saw that anything requiring
a stronger trunk or a looser neck was where Anastasia lagged behind.
These are exactly the things we're working on with physical therapy.
Otherwise, though, Anastasia is right on target for her corrected age.

By the way, I forgot to mention that Anastasia now
weighs 14 lbs. 13 1/2 oz., and that her blood work already came back; it
is normal.

May 20, 2006

Anastasia is doing quite well. She's making progress
with her physical therapy, and tends to cry less while we do it. In
particular, she can now sit with her Boppy pillow in front of her,
without falling over (as she used to).

And while her ounces of formula are not anything to
get excited about, she's now eating 100% formula; because it's mixed a
bit thicker than average, this means she's getting more calories than
she was when she was also getting some breast milk. In addition, her
eating is finally improving. She now gets more solids in her tummy than
she does on her bib.

May 22, 2006

Yesterday, Anastasia sat up on her own for the first
time. She was sitting in her daddy's lap, with his hands partially
supporting her, when she decided to put her arms in front of her and sit
on her own. It only lasted a few seconds, but we were so pleased.

I also think Anastasia is beginning to teeth. She's
chewing on everything, and I think I can feel one tooth beginning to
come up through her gums. Her favorite teething toy is my finger.

Speaking of toys, we suddenly realized that all of
Anastasia's toys were for infants, and that she needed to be challenged
a bit more. So I bought four toys for children 6 months and older.
They're quite advanced for Anastasia - but that's okay! It will be a
while before she figures out how to play with the stacker and the shape
sorter, for example, but the stimulation of figuring it out will be
great for her. I also got a pop-up toy and a steering wheel toy, hoping
the music, popping, and bright lights would distract Anastasia during
tummy time. So far, so good; this morning we did a half hour of tummy
time with no crying!

I'm sure Anastasia will make up for that this
afternoon, when she sees the physical therapist. She always cries the
hardest when the PT helps with her exercises.

Oh, and look what I found on my hubby's camera: a
photo showing Anastasia's first diaper (which was huge on her) compared
to the diapers she wears today.

May 22 (part II)

The physical therapist was very pleased with
Anastasia's session today, saying she'd made lots of progress since her
last appointment two weeks ago. Anastasia showed off how she can sit,
and the therapist did exercises to encourage learning to crawl.

Here we are, working hard in the therapy room:

May 23, 2006

For those who are curious what physical therapy is
like, I've posted
a
short clip of one part of yesterday's session. It's toward the
beginning, so you don't even have to suffer through much crying.

May 26, 2006

My dad just left after a short visit with us. His
last visit was three months ago (he lives out of state), which made
comparisons between then and now irresistible. Other than the fact that
Anastasia is about 3 lbs. bigger, the most obvious change is that she's
apnea monitor-free. My dad wanted to try to feed her at his last visit,
but because Anastasia might still have the tendency to not breathe well,
he didn't. This time, he tried. "You don't have to worry about her
turning blue now," I said. He didn't have any luck feeding her because
she's tends to only want to be fed by me, but it was fun for dad to try.

Another clear change is that Anastasia is a lot more
aware now, and tries to hold conversations. When she's around people
she's not used to, she tends to be very observant and quiet, but on my
dad's last day here, she opened up a bit and spent a good afternoon
babbling.

We also got some great photos of her - mostly because
we discovered a way to make her get over the "oh that camera again"
doldrums and make her smile. Anastasia was coughing a lot through the
whole visit, but the coughs sounded fake. Teasing her, I imitated her
fake cough, and suddenly she was laughing and smiling. I did it again,
and she smiled and laughed again. Then everyone in the room tried it,
and it still worked. "Quick! Grab the camera!" I said.

May 28, 2006

We've been trying to get Anastasia used to the high
chair, but she's still pretty small for it and tends to lean to one
side. The straps are the shortest they can go, but they droop on her.
Still, from time to time, it's probably good practice to put her in it.

She's still eating erratically. Once in a blue moon
she eats well, but a lot of times her bottle feeding is only fair. She's
become very dependant on me feeding her; even her daddy has a
really tough time any more. She's eating oatmeal like a champ, though,
even though the feeding clinic really didn't want me to give it to her
(in part because it's not all that nutritious). She's also taken a
sudden liking to peas, mashed with a fork and mixed with a little
formula. She's up to eating solids three times a day, and it must be
working because she looks great! Hopefully her next weigh-in will show a
weight gain.

Sippy cup experiments have not gone well. It's tough
to find sippy cups that don't require a hard suck, and the ones that
flow more freely tend to make Anastasia choke.

Now that Anastasia is 6 months corrected, I tried
once to give her fluoride in the sippy cup (along with some water). She
promptly vomited. I tasted the stuff and can see why; although it's
sweet at first, it has a bitter after-taste. I'll be trying again soon,
but if she doesn't tolerate it, I'm not worried. She'll do fine without
the stuff.

I'm still waiting to hear from Early Intervention
about getting a physical therapist to the house. It's been well over a
month. I called two Fridays ago, and had to leave a message. No one
called back, so I called again this past Monday. Apparently, nobody will
be in the office until after Memorial Day. I'd say Early Intervention is
pretty late!

May 31, 2006

Early Intervention called back yesterday. The
conversation went something like this:

EI: I'm unsure what you're following up
on. According to our records, we're waiting to do a second by-phone
screening next month, to see if Anastasia qualifies for our
services.

Me: Yes, we were going to do that.
But then Anastasia saw a physical therapist, who determined she
needed therapy. You sent me a form to sign to release those medical
records, and I returned it over a month ago. Supposedly that was all
that was needed for her to qualify?

EI: Oh. I have no record of that. Let me
look into it and call you back.

To her credit, the (very nice and apologetic) gal
from EI called back within an hour.

EI: Okay, we have her records, but there's
nothing from the physical therapist that is detailed enough for us.

Me: I have a report from the physical
therapist in my hand that is very detailed, giving exact numbers for
muscle weaknesses and strengths.

EI: Well, we'll need to send out our own
person to do an evaluation, anyway. Don't expect her to call you
before a week has passed.

Me: Anastasia has already been evaluated
by both the county nurse and the children's developmental clinic.
That's not enough?

EI: No because [insert mumbo jumbo
here]...But hang in there because once we get all this done, our
services are free!

Me: Actually, I've paid for the services
with my taxes. [Sigh.]

What a long, drawn out, red-taped, disorganized
process! I'm grateful we have good insurance and access to our own
physical therapist, or Anastasia might be way behind!