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Man In Legal Fight To Identify As Car

After launching a legal battle to change his age from sixty-nine to forty-nine, Dutchman Emile Ratalband has also announced that he wishes to be legally registered as a motor vehicle.

The idea apparently first came to him after he provided the voice for the character Vladimir Trunkov in the Dutch-language version of Cars 2.

“When you think about it, it’s not all that crazy,” said the trainer in neurolinguistic programming, when our reporter visited him in his padded cell. “We live in a time when you can change your name and change your gender. Why can’t I decide I’m a car as well as changing my age too?”

Ratalband’s current picture on Tinder.

“My night-vision isn’t what it was,” Ratalband continued, in between running around our reporter making vroom-vroom sounds, “although it’s not bad for someone who’s sixt— forty-nine. If I had headlights that would never be an issue again. Plus I am pretty slim by motor vehicle standards. No getting stuck in traffic jams for me!”

It’s not clear how well the legal battle will go for Ratalband, who was recently banned from all petrol stations in the Netherlands after attempting to use a nozzle to refuel. However, all is not lost, as we have been informed he has just been accepted for a position with Uber.