Nellie, the Ship’s Cat

Philosophy

“Philosophy? I don’t even know what that word means. I don’t know anything about ships and shouldn’t even be here. I’m supposed to be the ship’s cat but I don’t wanna be the ship’s cat, I want to live in some nice house back in England, somewhere with a big hot fireside and soft fur rugs with food that doesn’t have things in it, someplace where I don’t have to always work this hard for my keep. That’s what I want, but nobody ever listens, no one even cares because I’m only a little cat, I’m only a cuddly bundle of cute fur that hardly anyone cares about. Please help meeeeow…” Nellie

Experience

I don’t have any experience. I’m supposed to be in charge of vermin and things like that but all I want in my life is to be stroked a lot, all the time if I can and to sleep whenever I want to. Somewhere where the floor’s not moving different ways all the time.

I don’t even like vermin, I don’t even know what vermin looks like coz I’ve never found any. I know I hate cockroaches though because I saw one of those once when I was only a little kitten but the thought of those rats and mice makes me shiver, even though I don’t know what they look. Every night I have to wake up and go to work searching for things I’m frightened of, other cats don’t have to do that, I bet my sisters don’t have to do that.

Please help meeeow. Please write letters and emails and things, you could even start campaigns and things like that. I’ll come and live with you, I’ll sleep on your knee all day and purrrrr whenever you stroke me, I’ll be your special cat who loves and adores you, there’s nothing I won’t do for you, all you have to do is get meeeow outta here…