fame

“I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina.”

These words of incomparable wisdom are courtesy of Lady Gaga, if that is her real name (it isn’t).

This extraordinarily stupid idea was an explanation about why she didn’t have sex, relayed to Vanity Fair in a recent interview that the magazine did with Stefani. I mean, Gaga.

(Another explanation would be because of “not hot”.)

Maybe it’s sort of like when Muhammad Ali wouldn’t have sex for the six weeks leading up to a fight, so as not to drain him of his ass-kicking life force.

And if she’s right, shouldn’t she bottle her vaginal fluids and sell them? I mean, if that’s all it takes to make huge pop hits (besides writers, producers, dancers, record labels, and people who make the most atrociously ugly clothes in the entire world) it seems like that should be her highest selling product.

Bonus: It’s impossible to download pirated copies of Gaga’s um…gaga(?) over the internet!

The craziest piece of information to come out of this, though, is that at some point Lady Gaga must’ve had a crazy three-way with Madonna and Cher involving full vaginal penetration.

You spend your life devoted to a certain trade, perfect that trade, make your breaks happen, and all of a sudden people want to be you and know you and make you their hero.

And then some tattooed hooker in Nazi costumes realizes all she has to do is somehow fuck your husband (who used to be married to a porn star) and then she gets some fame, some money, some appearances on Larry King.

So she hunts him down on Facebook, comes over while his wife is out of town, and does whatever he wants.

The most shameful part of this isn’t that she slept with someone else’s husband. The most shameful part is that she decided at some point that her fifteen minutes of fame were worth destroying another person’s life for (at least temporarily)…and that our society encourages that.

No one in the world will care about this person in a year or two, or whenever her inevitable reality show gets off the air.

But the problem is, until then, people will watch her. If you’re watching Entertainment Tonight and buying People and reading the gossip blogs, you’re making her famous.

She’s a whore, in the truest sense of the word. Jesse James didn’t pay to fuck her, but she sure is getting paid.