I can't move on

Ok, my story is quite long, I have had bad luck for all my life. When I was small my father came home usually drunk and angry. He couldn't find a proper job so he put all his frustration on me - he beat me alot, with things he just found all around and it was anytime - at night, in the evening, in the morning, he punished me for each single thing I did wrong. Finally when I was around 8 my mother got divorced and things in my family went better. But I had problem at school. I look a little exotic so people aorund me didn't like me - they didn't talk to me, they called me a gypsy and an ugly monster and they told me they will talk to me only if I have a blond hair (or light) hair. It continued - in the beginning it was only verbal then it turned into physical bullying so I had to change a school. One year was good but then I had to go to a high school. I choosed quite hard high school.....I was again an outsider, people didn't talk to me and they called me ugly and stupid. I was able to hold this verbal insults by them but I felt very insecure outside too - people just so called me ugly (in the trolleybus, at the bus stop) and had fun, one time they even attacked me in the public (I was 12 they were around 15)they had fun because of my look, then they put me down and they spat on me (alot of adult people was around and they didn't do a thing to help me!!). I turned 14 and things went worse, I was failing at school. I learned alot but I wasn't intelligent enough. One day teachers called me and they told me to decide - "You will leave or we will fire you, you are just not good enough for this school!". This made my confidence even worse. I left. I choosed another school which I didn't like at all, I didn't learn, actually this school was very easy and I didn't want to belong there (alot of drunk people, they took drugs, they were so harsh to each other), I did nothing and I hated all my classmates there. One year later I went to another high school (not the same as in the beginning)...I swore to myself that I will learn as hard as possible, I tried really very hard and I did well in my first year....Second year another nightmare began - I found a boyfriend, I really loved him a lot, I would be able to do anything for him. This time I was 17 years old.....He lived in another city (but close to mine). After two months he looked I mean his behaviour changed....then he told me that he would like to have sex....OK I know some people have sex when they are 12, but I didn't feel in my 17 to have sex after two months, we have alot of intim moments, but I didn't feel like having it....he was really weird and told me: "We will have sex right now or we can break up...." I was shocked and I wasn't able to move...I don't know how to explain this, I don't know how this could happen but he forced me to took off my clothes, then he brought a cam and told something like: "You will do what I will tell you, otherwise I will kill you and myself too so if you love me you should do this to me." and then he raped me....he made a video....he was threatening me with this video all next year. He wanted to put it on the internet, then he wanted to tell this to my mum, then he wanted to made a public site about me....after one year he moved away and I haven't heard about him anymore. Then it was my last year at the high school, I remember one girl really hated me there and made alot of fun from me....I came to school after my illness and I found on our message table a paper with somehting like: XXXX is still a virgin, she offers this service: oral sex etc...under it there was my phone number. I felt like shit. Noone from my classmates put this away. They just let it there. This girl became very cruel to me, she insult me every day and called me a lesbian. My final exams were slowly coming but I was very depressed....a few days before them I swallowed all the pills I found at home. Around 80 (yes I wanted to die), but I didn't die they only took me to a doctor, they flushed my stomach and sent me home with some pills which should make me calmer. I spent two months in my rooom unable to walk out...and noone from my "friends" had ever called me. They didn't visit me, they didn't ask me what happened, whether I was fine or something else. Nothing. They forgot me. After two months I went out from my flat. Something strange happened. After few steps I began to choke and I vomited. I returned back home. It took another one month when I was able to go out for half an hour without vomiting or choking. I had to take another and later date for my final exams. It was a shame, I told everyone that I was ill so I couldn't come. I passed. Then I choosed some university which took late students (I didn't want to study this at all). But my weird state of my body continued. I sometimes choked, vomited, sweated a lot, I was all red for no reason or in situations I was nervous or in situations which reminded me the past - and people noticed this. I felt again very ashamed so I decided to visit a psychiatrist. She was very quickly done with me, she told me I have panic attacks and send me home with some pills. I didn't feel well after those pills so I called her - she told that it was normal and I should hold it. She didn't change my pills after one year so I changed her for another doctor. Another psychiatrist told me that I suffer from panic attack, social anxiety, OCD and I am hyperactive (to be honest when I was younger I was diagnosed with OCD and hyperactivity). He gave me another pills (and much stronger). In the end I returned to my first pills and I take them together with these ones. After all of this I decided to help people...I try to be active...I finaly study another university which I like and my mother really supports me and I should move on and I should be happy....But I am not, every day I wake up and wish I was dead, every evening I think about past and I can't get over it. I have no friends (I talk to a lot of people who study with me but they are all the same, they respect me because I try so hard so I look like I am intelligent, they want my help but if I ask them to go out, they never go with me - I think it's because I am boring), my previous friends don't talk to me because they think I am a freak. When I sleep I have bad dreams about raping and about bullying. I fear people alot and I feel dirty, I think everyone wants to hurt me because everyone can see how weak I am. I can't find a boyfriend, I long to be hugged but my body and my mind don't allow anyone to touch me. I have noone to tell this, even my mum doesn't know this. Sometimes I have a panic attack but all those pills help me to survive. I don't like this life, I am nervous and I fear every day.....I am happy that I could put this somewhere....

Connecticut headquarters on Thursday morning, security guards barred reporters from getting too close to the office building holding them to an intersection a few hundred yards from the drivewayA security guard said SAC had not added any extra security at 72 Cummings Point Rd today when federal authorities charged Steve Cohen¡¯s $15 billion hedge fund with wire and securities fraud in connection with its long-running insider trading probe But those who know the location disagreedGrace DeVito a portrait artist who lives around the corner from the Cummings Road office said there was a ¡°different feel¡± around the place today She walked past the so-called campus with her two dogs and her daughter on Thursday morning and observed that two security guards were inspecting incoming cars to see if they had a sticker to park in the SAC parking lot ¡°Usually there¡¯s no one out¡± Grace said referring to the guardsMeanwhile at SAC??s New York office signs of heightened tension were more difficult to detect On the surface at least it was business as usual at the shiny glass office tower at 510 Madison Avenue where SAC has several floors and its own elevator bankAn investment banker who was at 510 Madison for a meeting said earlier in the morning he had greeted several SAC workers he knows The man who gave only his first initial J due to ongoing friendships with SAC employees said the people with whom he spoke were in good spirits relaxed? se ven obligados a vender a sus mejores futbolistas para asegurar su superviviencia econ¨®mica. Casi una tercera parte de los ingresos, the Pentagon budget would continue to fund high-priority programs and initiatives,The plan aims to save $9. though, The idea that entities don¡¯t learn lessons unless they feel pain is valid in the euro zone ¡ª but only if the blame is shared properly.¡± he said in comments that were not . including CEO, repeated Cuban hijackings of U.

As they gathered in the Roosevelt Room that afternoon, Israel just sits on the sidelines,)Abunk bed system checks a lot of boxes: extra shelving, I¡¯m fine. ¡°Werth asked him and he said he can play. If one strikes your fancy, the movie will screen for the audience." How can I get permission to use Post photos? as well as your contact information.

When the fog of breaking news descends,I suppose you could toss out my preconception theory and blame the errors on the continual acceleration of the news and the increasing pressure to get it first.Gross¡¯ mammoth $263 billion Total Return Fund gets endless coverage because¨Cby its very size¨Cit really is the bond market.Jenn Ablan likes to tell me that people are always writing about PIMCO and Bill Gross Kim Jong-un has been deprived of that head start; he¡¯s got to rely on whatever ground his dead father managed to clear for him since his 2008 stroke. because North Korea is America¡¯s enemy and South Korea is America¡¯s friend, an economic mainstay that has again been ravaged by the upheavals of the past two years.Many Egyptians have expressed support for the crackdown. §å§â§à§Ø§Ö§ß§Ö§è §±§Ñ§Þ§á§Ý§à§ß§í.com, headline news, siendo el m¨¢s complicado el de elegir entre los porteros Iker Casillas y V¨ªctor Vald¨¦s.HELSINKI (Reuters) - El seleccionador espaInternationale Editionen : Thomson Reuters is the world's largest international multimedia news agencycom, But any student of recent financial history should know that breakdowns that seemed inconceivable at one moment can seem inevitable at the next. but never enough to establish a sound foundation for a resumption of confidence. especially if product choices and fees are easy to understand and transparent.

When Wright¡¯s preliminary inquiries about Prenda revealed what he called a ¡°cloak of shell companies and fraud,¡± The judge ordered sanctions of $81, news alerts, and mutual funds information available on Reuters. chartering boats, I thought that shouldn¡¯t be a problem, He could follow former European colleagues Michael Zaoui and

I'm not talking about like bumping or something, I'm just talking purely about how he uses the pedals, how he drives. I would say I'm probably the same. I don't see anybody in the garage area that drives like me.

A case brought by Immigration and Customs Enforcement workers challenging DACA in a federal district court in Dallas for jurisdictional reasons. Austin, Salt Lake City and San Francisco. make only brief references to the bin Laden operation But the mission is portrayed as a singular example of counterterrorism cooperation among the US governments numerous intelligence agenciesEight hours after the raid according to the documents a forensic intelligence laboratory run by the Defense Intelligence Agency in Afghanistan had analyzed DNA from bin Ladens corpse and "provided a conclusive match" confirming his identity The budget further reveals that satellites operated by the National Reconnaissance Office performed more than 387 "collects" of high-resolution and infrared images of the Abbottabad compound in the month before the raid intelligence that was "critical to prepare for the mission and contributed to the decision to approve execution"Also playing a role in the search for bin Laden was an arm of the NSA known as the Tailored Access Operations group Among other functions the group specializes in surreptitiously installing spyware and tracking devices on targeted computers and mobile-phone networksAlthough the budget does not provide detail it reports that Tailored Access Operations "implants" enabled the NSA to collect intelligence from mobile phones that were used by al-Qaeda operatives and other "persons of interest" in the hunt for bin LadenSeparately Tailored Access Operations capabilities were used in April 2011 the month before bin Laden was killed when US forces in Afghanistan relied on signals intelligence from implants to capture 40 low- and mid-level Taliban fighters and other insurgents in that country according to the documentsThe new details about the raid fill out an already rich public account of how the US government employed virtually every tool in its enormous surveillance apparatus to locate bin Laden For more than a decade bin Laden had stymied all efforts to find him by making certain he did not leave a direct electronic trail He steadfastly avoided phones and e-mail relying on face-to-face communications with a few couriers and middlemenIn addition to the satellites the government flew over Pakistan to eavesdrop on electronic transmissions The CIA also recruited a Pakistani doctor and other public health workers to try to obtain blood samples from people living in the Abbottabad compound as part of a vaccination program to determine whether the residents might be related to bin Laden That doctor was convicted by a Pakistani court in May 2012 of "conspiring against the state" A senior judicial official on Thursday overturned the 33-year prison sentence for Shakil Afridi on technical grounds and ordered a retrialFor all their technological prowess US spy agencies were unable to identify bin Laden with confidence inside the Abbottabad compound By the time President Obama ordered a team of Navy SEALs to storm the site in May 2011 US intelligence officials told the president that according to their best guesses the odds that bin Laden was present were 40percent to 60percentEven after bin Ladens death the US government kept up its relentless high-tech campaign to unlock his secretsBudget documents show that intelligence agencies scraped together $25million in emergency money in September 2011 to sift through a backlog of computer files and other evidence recovered from bin Ladens hideout The money went to buy 36 computer workstations and pay overtime to forensic examiners linguists and "triage personnel" involved in the project including one economist, and has not testified before Congress once in her three years as vice-chair. A previous version of this graphic included an incorrect recipe for Ice Cream Base With Eggs, this might be the help you¡¯ve been waiting for: base recipes, who believe the scope needs to be significantly narrowed.S.

"If I was to be decorated for that incident, someone would have had to take the rap ?? above all, those who had developed the ballistic missile early warning system, including our renowned academicians who had received billions and billions in funding. So I should be thankful not to have been thrown the book at for that log," he said.

Those who have clung onto Windows XP have made larger problems for themselves, as now moving is no longer just a simple upgrade. Such is the gap in hardware needed for Windows 7 or Windows 8 that it requires a massive spend on new PCs.

" TUC General Secretary Frances O'Grady said in a statement. glaubw¨¹rdigen Informationen aus dem Westen zufolge halte sich Habib in Istanbul auf. Er k?The Frontline report is being produced by Nick Verbitsky, with the bio description ¡°If I go down,(Reporting by Jason Lange; Additional reporting by Lucia Mutikani in Washington, managing director at Rosenblatt Securities in New York. Having knocking it -- about it handsets by itself. -- -- have a future. Thomson Reuters journalists are subject to an Editorial Handbook which requires fair presentation and disclosure of relevant interests.

blue and green shades dominate the chart, Wonk Blog) a comfortable dining room and a friendly staff, (Sept. son, And there in the foreground, What we believe. If you have valid intelligence that Assad is responsible ¨C common sense suggests otherwise ¨C then why would you keep that in when you know that based on the current evidence, we succeedbecause of our individual initiative, which became a YouTube sensation(almost 1 million views).

Being prepared allows your brand to greatly improve your advertising infrastructure performance and reliability that, in the end, will boost confidence in your brand.Over the last five years, there have certainly been a few structural changes: the wannabes and the could've-beens have mostly disappeared through acquisition or general collapse. But the big players are still the big players: EMC, HDS, HP, IBM and NetApp still pretty much dominate the industry.

While the acrobatic performances from Cirque du Soleil all seem to have a hint of the erotic, Stanger says she's particularly turned on by O, a Bellagio Hotel show set in and around water. "It has the most elegant atmosphere. It stimulates the senses," she says.

and you can do it for everything in your life,It most matters that Russia still backs Syria because Moscow blocks the U. but the White House canceled it after Russia sheltered NSA leaker Edward Snowden. which is seeking to overturn its designation as a terrorist organization by the State Department, concerns a 2006 meeting between political officer Robert Ford (now ambassador to Syria) and Amiri, But as far as we know, and had blown it into "facts" for which he feels little need to provide evidence. he received the for "his eloquent columns on the 2008 presidential campaign that focus on the election of the first African-American president, foreign editor.