Are men closed off to marriage these days?

I read articles saying women should get married in their 20's while they are the most attractive, but I don't know how I'm supposed to do that when men seem so against marriage these days? What is a woman supposed to do to secure a relationship with a man if men don't want to get married anymore?

Most Helpful Guy

Women who get married in their late teens or early 20s have the highest divorce rate, somewhere around 60%. Women who only have high school education have a high divorce rate too.The average divorce rate for first marriages is about 44%. The majority of the time, the wife just says she's fallen out of love, can't find a reason or anything she wants changed, but she just wants a divorce after 5 or 10 years. Men rarely file for divorce.

Men don't find those odds tempting. Would you bet your life savings and future happiness on odds like that? Divorce can be a big financial disadvantage for a man, especially if already has children by then.Women brought this on themselves and it doesn't matter how much a woman claims to love a man in the beginning, it still happens.

Here's what mostly happens, even without divorce:Men love women.Women love children.Children love guinea pigs.The guinea pig wins, no-one loves the man, and he just pays for the whole deal.

In 50% of marriages, the wife will be turning off the physical attraction and affection at about 4 years. The sex practically stops, and that's a good barometer of the health of a marriage. A lot of those 50% will soon be cheating or divorced, or both. Women don't normally cheat until 5 years into a marriage. For men who cheat, it's more like 10 years. Only 20% of wives will be showing much physical affection to their partner at 20 years into a marriage. Some men won't even get a kiss when they leave for work or return home, and that's not what they bargained for.

20% of all marriages in the USA are sexless (10 or less times a year), and again that's not what a man bargained for.

If only men could determine which women are in that 20% who can stay attracted and affectionate for 20 years, more men would be tempted to marry and stay married. There is almost no way to tell, because they all look convincing at the beginning. It's probably genetic, and some family history might be a good guide.

I definitely see your point. I personally don't want children, & my reason for wanting to married is to have a life companion. I don't personally believe in divorce, & if that did for some reason happen (which would be at his hands, not mine), I would not try to take things that belonged to him in the beginning. I definitely understand what you mean about falling out of love. I think many women have a warped sense of what love is, & think it is supposed to be like it is in movies. Real love is work, & it isn't always pretty. I honestly feel like I'd be a good wife & would cherish my husband, no matter how old we became or how hard life became. I have very traditional values, & I think marriage is a serious thing, not just something to jump into blindly. Thanks for your great answer.

What Guys Said 19

I'm not closed off to marriage but I'd have to be with someone for a long time before I'd even consider putting that on the table.. I need assurance that a woman would be ready to put years of commitment into the deal.

20s isn't bad i mean if its like mid to late 20s, but early 20s thats kinda hard in this generation unless 1 or the other or both are doing well. but i think you'll hear from most guys that it really doesn't matter. there's seriously articles about this? daaang lol.

Yes, they talk about how it gets harder for women to find mates as they get older, as many men want younger women (so men in their 30's will want women in their 20's). I'd prefer to have someone my age, so I'd like to find someone in my 20's.

Yup, I'm married, know plenty of married men, and a fair number of unmarried men who are 30+.

What turns them off?- sexless marriages- expectation that in the case of a divorce, they lose their kids, they keep supporting their ex, they get nothing in return. So basically its like a legal document saying 'if the marriage ends, you keep going to work and providing, but get nothing back, in fact, go live in a basement apartment somewhere kthx'.

Definitely there are some happy married couples, but it seems risky, and if it doesn't work out, you get shafted, unless you're a stay at home spouse or earned much less than your wife...

Yeah, that makes it tough for women, but I have hope of finding someone. I can definitely understand that having a sexless marriage is a huge turnoff for men. Do you think wives just lose desire or start to not feel as attractive anymore? I personally wouldn't want to have a sexless marriage, I'm more afraid that my husband might stop wanting to have sex vs. myself, lol.

If I knew, I wouldn't have been in one for years. Not sexless now, but much lower than i'd like.

It's hard to say why, though unfortunately, as tractorbeam notes, there's some evidence that in fact women have evolved to lose interest after a few years (in nature, they were probably intended to find a new partner to spread their genes around a little and not put all their genes with one father).

Yeah, I'd heard the old 'women peak 30's 40s' thing, but i very rarely actually see that happening in married couples. I think it's BS, lol. I think it reflects a few things:- once upon a time, young women were totally repressed, it took them that long to get comfortable and figure themselves out sexually. That's MUCH less true today.- women used to have kids earlier, so by late 30's early 40's, their kids were independent and so were they. If that's the answer, there's hope that my wife's will pick up in 5 years or so when the kids are older...- i think single women that age have given up on trying to act like prudes. Plus a new partner can fire up women's sex drive. So men DATING women that age find them high drive. That plus low drive women that age i suspect don't bother dating too much, because they actually have to TRY to date.

i may consider it. But I've had more opportunity to see what marriage looks like, especially from a male perspective, and it doesn't exactly inspire confidence in me to take the leap. Just being honest

I definitely want to get married, just preferably not until both my girlfriend and I are >30 years old. I feel life experience changes you, and I'm not sure if I could make such a big decision in my 20's.

Are you talking about how a man might lose his house & kids? I wonder why more men don't get a prenuptial agreement before getting married, that would seem to handle a lot of discrimination that happens to men if they get divorced.

Men are generally turned off to marriage now. Marriage is a great deal for women and a bad deal for men these days, which is why more and more women want to get married and fewer and fewer men do. Most men are just weighing the pros and cons to marriage and deciding against it.

That was a good article by the way, what do you think it meant when it said, "women have the power to turn everything around. All they have to do is surrender to their nature – their femininity – and let men surrender to theirs."

Marriage 50 years ago meant a man would work hard all day then come home to a nice home and a nurturing wife who built him back up. Today men are still expected to be the primary bread winners but they are also expected to do half the housework and chores and be amazing dads as well. And they are coming home to a wife who also just spent a stressful day at work and has no physical or emotional energy for him.

Add to that the fact that divorce rates are way higher than they used to be, it is usually the woman who initiates the divorce and the courts always favor women in divorces. Men typically lose most of what they have worked their whole lives for in a divorce and are left with no house, child support and alimony payments and usually just weekend visitation with his children, who a spiteful mother has turned against him.

Now, try to put yourself in the shoes of the average young man who sees all this going on around him with no apparent desire on the part of society to change any of it. His alternative is to focus his time and energy on his career and just stay single. With the sexual revolution, women are sleeping with men outside of marriage freely so there's virtually no motivation for the good, strong, confident young men to marry anymore. Many of the men who do get married actually do end up getting a woman pregnant and marrying her because it's the right thing to do. When a male birth control pill becomes available, and it will, it will be the final nail in the coffin of marriage until women recognize that everything is not all about them and men have different needs and motivators than they do.

What do you think women could do to accommodate men more & make them feel more comfortable about getting married? I understand the old days worked, but with the cost of living, it's almost required for both partners to work, or they can't afford to live. Also, do you think men only get married for children?

Good men who have gotten a woman pregnant get married for the sake of the children and the mother. But outside of that, children are not the primary motivator for most men in their 20s. I don't think it's any mystery that children are not nearly the priority to young men that they are to young women, right? I mean men fall in love with their children once they have and get to know them but before that it's not something most of us care much about, at least not nearly as much as women. So when a young man wants to get married there are different things motivating him than most women. The carrot is different for men and women, so to speak.

What do you think is the carrot for men to get married? I'm going to turn that one on you and ask you to think about it. What do you think are the reasons men are not as interested in marriage today and what would need to change to turn that tide?

I would imagine men want to marry to have companionship, love/support, & a sexual partner. What could change for men is the law & being treated fairly in court. A man should not automatically lose the children, his house, etc. That's my guess.

That's a start but it's bigger than that. Society has been all about women's needs for the last 50 years and women generally have a very biased and entitled attitude. Men have gotten little respect or appreciation for a long time and they're just saying fuck it. It's an attitude thing. There needs to be a big attitude shift and that needs to be the starting point but I don't see that happening anytime soon to be honest.

I see what you're saying. I personally can only control myself, what other women do is their choice & I can't do anything about them. I would bring up the point that there is a group of women called, "Women Against Feminism." I think that's somewhat of a start, though feminist don't seem to take them seriously.

I'm aware of "Women Against Feminism" and think they are awesome. Feminists say they don't take them seriously but they will. They have to because no one takes THEM seriously anymore. But there is still a lot of damage to be undone.

You're right that all you can do is do your part, but you can also point it out when other women are wrong. The biggest problem today is that women like you don't speak up.

There are still men who are interested in marriage today, and it is good women like you who they are looking for. You'll find one.

Why would a man want to get married? Marriage is not an equal partnership between the genders, because women end up wielding most of the power. You become his only source of sex, and can use it like a weapon. Or he can stay single and have women constantly have sex with him, in order to try and snag a husband. Anyway that a man can take power over a woman, has been regulated under law to strip him of that possibility. There is nothing in marriage for men, except being a woman's servant. That is why men constantly warn other men not to get married. Those guys aren't joking when they try to talk young men out of marriage.

You may have no desire to wield power over your husband right now, but after several years of being married, when neither of you can agree on something, it starts to get really tempting. You see women wield more sexual power than men, but men wield more relationship power than women. So until you find one that will marry you, you have to navigate relationships following the rules men set forth. It isn't fair, but that is what is going on.

I do not believe I will be like that. I am kind of traditional, & would prefer the male to be the head of the household. Not that I have anything against people who don't do this, but it's what I personally want.

There are a lot of guys that want to be married, but are afraid to end up like so many married men they know. You would need to find a man that wants to be married, and then calm his fears about you trying to control and change him.

But some aren't. So it's those guys that are being referred to when someone says you're most attractive in your 20's. To the guys who are closed off to marriage, of course it's irrelevant how attractive you are.

I want to marry the first girl i go out with and will not go out with a girl unless i deem her marriage material. I want to married as soon as i meet the right girl and have kids asap so i'm not old like my dad was when he brought me up, i want to be able to play with my kids and do sports with my son

What Girls Said 2

What article are you reading? That's ridiculous. Married in your 20s just because you'll get ugly in your 30s? Does that not seem like a stupid reason to you? But I guess if you're taking that seriously, it doesn't make you the brightest...

Actually I've read article after article regarding this. I don't want that to be true, but there are websites actually dedicated to telling men they shouldn't date women over a certain age. There are some that say the rudest & most cruel things you'll ever hear. And they will have tons of commentators supporting what the article wrote. It's really sad actually.