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Dating: Interwebs, Fuck-boys & Hoteps

I’m absolutely positive that I’d end up an eternal cat lady/sex toy aficionado if I had to participate in the current dating scene.

The stories I hear from family and friends who partake in this grade A form of fuckery is scary, and entertaining.

I’m relieved that I found someone who is interested in the same ish I’m interested in, sex (duh), movies, kids, traveling, laughing at the expense of others unfortunate mishaps in life (especially when you tried to talk them out of doing the dumb shit that you now get to laugh at) and busting a grub outside of the house every now and then.

Having to weed through the fuck boys and hotep niggas in order to find a half way decent dude that I can tolerate for more than 24 hours, seems tasking.

Your choices for a mate boil down to dating someone at minimum of ten years younger than you (they possibly haven’t found their inner fuck boy or haven’t taken an african american studies class to become the all hated hotep nigga), doing hoe shit (in the words of Erykah Badu) and dating someone that is married or in a relationship, or letting your married/relationship having friends play match maker. Don’t do hoe shit!

The scariest part of the dating scene has to be online dating (which for some reason seems popular, I personally prefer meeting a person in real time making eye contact and engaging in a conversation the old fashion way), fuck boys and hoteps are easily identifiable as they both utilize jargon that was created specifically for them or they wear head wraps and sea shells around their necks (hotep).

Online you have the opportunity to be whomever you choose, which means you could essentially meet the man/woman of your dreams or some creepy awkward dude whose cat-fishing three other chicks simultaneously.

Or the poser who decided his best chances of getting “hits” was to lie about all the luxurious things that aren’t in his possession, put some amazing “D” on you and have you spending your money on him and yourself while telling your friends fraudulently how amazing he is until he commits credit card fraud and spends ten stacks on his real girlfriend who knew about you the whole time, because the internet (true story, this happened to a friend of an acquaintance).

Anyone that you come across who seems half normal you end up second guessing and decide clicking the wink button is too risky. I don’t know how people do it now a days, I’d be super unsuccessful in the dating scene because I’m allergic to bullshit, unfiltered and extremely forward which is a turn off for many and slightly tolerable for a select few.

If I ended up single I honestly think I would opt out of dating and rescue some cats, a lot of cats, tons of cats, I’d be that cat lady on the Simpsons that has so many cats I could use them as weapons to protect myself from the likes of fuck boys and hoteps…

In the words of a really good friend, “never trust a dude wearing a shell necklace”.

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One thought on “Dating: Interwebs, Fuck-boys & Hoteps”

Lmao, yes! I’ve met those “shell necklace” guys, and they’re so full of it! None of them seem smart enough to tie their own shoes, and yet still act like they’re god’s gift to women. I’d always wondered how people manage to find good relationship partners through the internet… when my sister was a teenager, she met a guy online who promised to go out with her, and then kept skipping out on dates, leaving her and my dad waiting at their table. He always made excuses like “I couldn’t find the restaurant” or “It was too far, so I turned back and went home”. I’ve heard so many strange stories about people being cat-fished online (coincidentally,”Catfish” is one of my favorite shows, lol). I’m glad I met my husband face-to-face, because yeah – online dating does seem scary; I’ve had enough trouble with people in real life. A guy friend of mine PROPOSED to me (completely out of the blue, I didn’t even know he liked me) in a Target… the Target where he worked… while he was on-shift, while I was shopping with another friend. I said no. It wasn’t so much that he worked at Target, but that he was one of those guys who loves posting photos of himself looking “tough” with swords (that he doesn’t know how to use) on fb, and likes “pretending” that he doesn’t work at Target. Another guy friend (who was white) actually assumed that I was racist just because I didn’t want to date him specifically… he threw a fit when he later saw pictures of my husband. Lmao, I second the motion about the cats (I think I would too), because this world is so full of strange people.