The fucking Queen Mother

The last queen mother of England lived to be 101 years old.

And why not?

Queen mom never scrubbed clothes by the stream, changed a diaper, or slaved over a stove.

Mom also never drove a station wagon full of screamers to a soccer practice. Or waited in line at an airport. Or sat in a physician’s waiting room with icky, sick people coughing up wads of phlegm. The best physicians go to her.

Queen Mom never had to fight over the TV remote, buy department store clothes, or drive a twenty year old oil burning car. Never, ever, ever sweats out the rent or the mortgage or the heating bill. She has handmaidens scrub her in the tub, and a coven of hairdresses that whip up her beehive.

She never popped open the dreaded can of Dinty Moore beef stew…although she may have met Dinty in person once at a gala event.

Queen Mother’s don’t have to deal with any of that shit. (EXCEPT FOR A COUPLE OF ROLLS IN THE HAY, PURELY FOR PROCREATIONAL PURPOSES, NEVER FOR FUN).

Therefore, you and I live to the age of 52 and she lives to be 101.

………………………………..

Now, her daughter, the queen, does have to do stuff. Appear at church, and at certain horse races, and at the weddings of her children born IN WEDLOCK.

But the big deal for the queen is the wave…that little east-west swivel at the wrist semi-Venutian deal that she has to perform, sometimes for ten minutes at end, to sweltering people who will never reach the age of 53.

Now the current queen is 90 and there is ENDLESS concern for her health this week cause she coughed up a couple of hairballs, and didn’t make it to places.

Endless press releases by the Queen’s royal office…’the Queen won’t be attending the polo matches this week’ and ‘the Queen won’t be sipping tea with Lord Glastonbury tomorrow’.

Therefore, England and the world, is terrified that this fucking fossil might croak.

SHE’S FUCKING NINETY!

JESUS.

Not to worry, England. Your royalty will not be walking along London Highway scavenging for nickel bottle returns.

When it’s time, she will go peacefully, attended by family, handmaidens, twelve doctors, and a portrait artist.