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"Courage is what it takes to
stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

Winston Churchill,
former prime minister of Great Britain

Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Personal
Commentary:

In the nonstop battle for better
communication, you've got to take the TIME to make it happen. Effective
communication does not take place "on the run" or "in the
quick."

And if you're not willing to take
the TIME to communicate well, then you had better give up your fantasies about
having a healthy relationship at home or engaged teamwork on the job. It
"ain't gonna" happen.

Once you decide to take the TIME
to communicate, the second step in your journey towards better communication
has to be LISTENING. In fact, it's so important that the English decided
that it could be life-saving.

You see ... hundreds of years ago,
the English cemeteries were running out of space. So they would dig up
coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave. When
reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks
on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. To avoid
that tragedy in the future, they began tying a string on the wrist of the
corpse, leading it through the coffin and up through the ground, and tying it
to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the
graveyard shift) to LISTEN for the bell. Thus, someone could be
"saved by the bell" or was considered to be "a dead
ringer." In those cases, listening was literally the difference
between life and death.

And I would suggest that your
listening skills ... or lack of them ... can easily be the difference between
success and failure in your communication, your relationships, and your work.
So how can you LISTEN effectively?

I like author Dan Kennedy's LISTEN
acronym ... which stands for the 6 key skills.

L = Like the other person

I = Interest yourself in the other
person

S = See the other person

T = Touch the other person

E = Empathize with the other
person

N = Need the other person

Let's take a closer look.

L = Like the other person

Some people are easy to like.
In fact you like almost everything about them. And other people
will be much more difficult to like. However, you must find something you
like about the person you're listening to ... because your feelings always come
through ... and they always affect the quality of your interaction.

Some of the things you like might
be as simple as her handshake, taste in clothes, or tone of voice. Other
things might be more significant, such as her honesty (even though you might
not like to hear what she has to say) or her willingness to help.
Whatever it is, find something you like, because when a person senses
your liking, the communication barriers start to fall down.

I = Interest yourself in the other
person

It's very difficult to listen to
someone ... to really listen ... if you're not interested in the other person
or what he has to say. So stop yourself from prejudging someone, thinking
he will be a boring waste of your time. EVERYbody can be interesting.
As G.K. Chesterton, a British author noted, "In all this world,
there is no such thing as an uninteresting subject, only uninterested
people."

I re-learned this lesson last week
in London where I was delivering a presentation. After I finished
speaking, I sat down for tea at a nearby tea shoppe and was soon joined by a
90-year old gentleman who asked if he could share the table. Instead of
sitting in silence with this stranger, instead of presuming he would have
nothing of interest to share with me, I decided to show interest in him.
I asked a couple of questions and soon found myself in the midst of the
greatest conversation I had had in a long time. Turned out this gentleman
was Commodore Charles Clarke, a former POW in the German concentration camp
made famous by the Steve McQueen movie, "The Great Escape."

S = See the other person

By "seeing," I'm not
referring so much to the use of your eyes as the use of your heart.
"See" the other person so he feels noticed, heard, and
appreciated rather than invisible.

Perhaps this need to be
"seen" accounts for an amazing fact. Interviews with
prostitutes reveal many men pay them for their services as listeners, rather
than intimate partners!

In essence, most everyone is
starved for the attention of a good listener! And this tremendous
universal need means that listening is well worth the time it takes ... because
when you're good at it, you can literally name your price! When you're
good at listening, people will buy more from you, open doors to important
contacts for you, work harder for you, love and respect you.

T = Touch the other person

Again, this doesn't necessarily
mean touching in the physical sense. You need to touch the other person
with feeling. It's going beyond "liking" the other person or
showing "interest" in the other person to actually "caring"
about the other person.

That's exactly how Margaret
Pederson made me feel. She attended my two-day "Journey to the
Extraordinary" program last week and even though she is 92 years of age,
she is passionate about making a difference in this world. She sat in the
front row for 16 hours, furiously taking notes, engaging with every participant,
and learning as much as she could. That impressed me.

But what really
"touched" me was a comment she made to me. She said, "I
heard you speak 30 years ago, and your presentation changed my life. I bought a
copy of your talk on a cassette tape, listened to it dozens of times,
eventually memorized it, and typed it out word for word, and have used what you
taught me ever since."

To think that someone listened
that closely to me was humbling and reaffirming. Listening counts ... big
time. Make sure you're doing it ... big time.

E = Empathize with the other
person

Somehow or other, you've got to
show the other person that you understand what he is thinking, feeling and
saying. Paraphrase some of his major points by saying such things as:
"If I understand you correctly ... What I think you're saying is ...
It sounds like you're feeling ... and ... So the bottom line seems to be."

When he knows that you know what
he's thinking and feeling and trying to say, a huge degree of trust enters the
relationship. Caution is replaced with openness and distance is replaced
by engagement.

Finally,

N = Need the other person

It is impossible to overemphasize
this vital part of listening. Being needed is the ultimate compliment.
It reassures the person you are talking to that he or she is important,
recognized, and respected. Knowing this, it just makes good sense to give this
reassurance to everyone with whom you are attempting to communicate.

A good way to communicate your
need for the other person is to emphasize the words "need" and
"important." Say such things as: "I need to hear what you
have to say ... I need your input on this project ... or ... Your thoughts are
very important to me."

When you become a good listener,
you build rapport with other people. When you become a great listener, people
will do everything in their power to maintain that rapport and help you
succeed. As motivational speaker Zig Ziglar used to say, "You can
get everything you want in life if you just help enough people get what they
want."

And what do they want? They
want you to LISTEN!!!

ACTION:

When you look at the L-I-S-T-E-N
formula, which aspect will you focus on this week? Pick one and work on
it. Master it.

As a best-selling author and Hall of Fame professional
speaker, Dr. Alan Zimmerman is focused on "transforming the people side of
business.” His keynotes and seminars are noted for high content, high energy,
and high involvement that transform people's lives and the companies where they
work.

To learn more about his programs and products, or to
receive a free subscription to his weekly Internet newsletter, click here.

Reprinted with permission from Dr. Alan Zimmerman's
Internet newsletter, the 'Tuesday Tip.' For your own personal, free
subscription to the 'Tuesday Tip' ... along with several other complimentary
gifts, go to www.DrZimmerman.com.