1:06: Oh, and did I mention that Milton Bradley is back in the starting lineup for the Cubs today? He's in right, batting fifth.

1:08: A live boxscore-style alert: "THE START OF THE GAME IS BEING DELAYED DUE TO JAMIE MOYER TYING HIS SHOE. THE ANNOUNCERS GAVE US PLAY-BY-PLAY FOR THIS EVENT."

1:09: Last time out, Jamie Moyer retired the first 12 batters and gave up just one hit over 7 innings. He's 40th all-time in wins now.

1:10: But he's never had a moment as good as the strikeout of Reed Johnson to lead off the game. What? It's early on, I'm just trying to get some excitement going.

1:11: Speaking of excitement: A bunt single by Ryan Theriot! Today, Jame Moyer retired the first 1 batter.

1:14: I dunno, guys. I think my Keys to the Game were more accurate today.

At least mine are actual keys to the game.

1:15: After Moyer strikes out Derrek Lee, Ryan Theriot steals second and goes to third on sloppy fielding by Chase Utley. Chase has compromising photos of the official scorer and so the error is charged to Paul Bako.

1:16: Milton Bradley's up after Aramis Ramirez walks on a close 3-2 pitch. MB's hitting only .238 this year, helping make the Phillies' signing of Raul Ibanez look like the best deal of the offseason. (The best deal of the season is the Astros claiming Chris Coste off waivers.)

1:17: Jamie Moyer fields a high chopper, the announcers get all excited because he's old (like Tom Watson!) and Moyer gets Bradley by a step or two at first.

1:21: Jimmy Rollins draws his first walk of the season. (It's actually his 28th. That's really not that many more.)

1:23: Shane Victorino's swing there wasn't much harder than an average bunt and went to deep left center for a long flyout. I'm predicting a 19-8 final score today. If this actually happens, you all owe me 100 bucks.

1:28: Chase Utley runs the count to 3-2 and strikes out; Rollins is out by a mile trying to take second. Literally, he was one mile away from the bag. That's his eighth caught stealing of the year. End 1st.

1:30: Alfonso Soriano pops out to Howard. Hey, who was the dude who thought it was a good idea to volunteer to do a liveblog of a Jamie Moyer game?

1:32: Just like that, we get some action! Well, maybe not, but Pedro Feliz made back-to-back decent-ish plays on groundouts. That was quick!

1:38: Jayson Werth walks, and we overhear the PA system play that "dodododododo... BASE!" snippet, probably one of the few times a song about cocaine is played at a major league baseball game. Update: Um, obviously this song is "White Lines (Don't Don't Do It)." I had a brain cramp.

1:39: A hit! Greg Dobbs (filling in for Raul Ibanez in left) smacks one up the middle to make it two on, one out.

1:41: Feliz grounds out to first; Carlos Zambrano celebrates out number two by throwing wildly to third in a vain attempt to get Jayson Werth. Ramirez makes an okay play to stop the ball from getting away.

1:43: Paul "Coste Rules" Bako breaks his bat and pops it up to short. End 2nd.

1:47: Reed Johnson walks, but gets nabbed trying to steal two pitches later. Geeze, just because you guys scored no runs last night doesn't mean you all need to stupidball it today. Actually, the Cubs might need to do that with their offense.

1:49: Theriot grounds to short. Somewhere, a sportswriter just jumped out of his chair and said, "I got it! I'm writing a column today about how Jamie Moyer is old!" My words to him: Don't don't do it.

1:52: Both teams are all totally seeing a movie together afterward or something. There are already two down after Moyer strikes out looking and J-Roll flies out to left.

1:53: But nobody invited Shane Victorino, or maybe he doesn't like Harry Potter. He singles to right.

1:55: He Who Shall Not Be Named (Lord Utley) strikes out. End 3rd.

1:56: Quiz time! Is this correct apostrophe usage?

Winner gets... I dunno, these broken Wii component cables or maybe one of my old CDs. Actually, forget it, I don't even know the answer, so there's no winner.

1:59: Erhm. While I was writing that, Jamie Moyer gave up three straight singles and the bases are loaded with nobody out.

2:00: Let's make it four. Soriano singles to shallow center, everybody moves up a base and the Cubs score first. After giving up two hits in, like, 10 innings, now Jamie Moyer is unstoppable at giving up hits. Cubs 1, Phillies 0.

2:03: Jeff Baker lines one up the middle again; this one's a double. Shane Victorino's throw is booted by Chase Utley, Alfonso Soriano scores, Baker moves to third and the Cubs are going to have eight runs pretty soon. Cubs 4, Phillies 0.

2:04: And now Koyie Hill and Carlos Zambrano ground out to short so quickly I can't even separate them into different updates.

2:07: Reed Johnson drew the short straw in today's movie outing meeting, and strikes out again to strand a runner on third.

2:09: Okay, it's time for a rally. Let's have the Phillies put in this guy:

2:45: 1-2-3 for Clay. By the way, if you're wondering, the Phillies of the week are "the men in the clutch." But if there's no such thing as clutch... and the Phillies of the Week are clutch men, then that must mean... hmm, I think if I keep thinking this through it causes Armageddon, so I'll avoid it.

2:48: Ryan Howard leads off the bottom of the sixth; he hits it to Jeff Baker in short right field but beats it out for an, uhm, outfield infield hit.

2:50: Rally faces! Jayson Werth hits it to Theriot, who airmails his throw to second base. (It's ruled a hit.) Howard and Werth move to second and third with nobody out on the error.

2:53: Greg Dobbs strikes out looking on a pitch probably out of the zone.

2:54: Hey, there's some allegedly clutch hitting. Pedro Feliz singles to right center, both runners score and the Phillies are right back in this. Cubs 5, Phillies 3.

2:55: Paul Bako strikes out on a foul-tip. Bako doesn't like it, the third base umpire calls it a strike and Charlie Manuel gets tossed quickly into his argument. Incidentally, the ball definitely hit the ground.

2:56: Matt Stairs is up to pinch hit.

2:59: Ah, heck. He strikes out looking. End 6th.

3:00: Walkoff Walk commenters, meet Angry Charlie.

3:01: So many reality television stars are pitching today! Chad Durbin's on now for the Phils.

3:04: He walks Ryan Theriot to open the top of the seventh. Ugh, he's worse than Heidi Montag.

3:05: Durbin easily picks off Theriot, but Ryan Howard actually swiped his glove and managed to miss him completely.

3:07: And Derrek Lee walks. Durbin's on one day rest after a three-inning outing on Monday night, so lookout.

3:08: There we go. Aramis Ramirez doubles to right center, both runs score and the Cubs are safely ahead again. Cubs 7, Phillies 3.

3:17: Durbin walks Milton Bradley, gives up a single to Soriano and he's pulled for Scott Eyre.

3:19: After some pinch-hitter switching around, Jake Fox (either an action hero or a porn star) hits a sac fly to left. Some Jake Fox fans (I know, they're all over) have an "Out Fox the Phillies" sign. I don't get it. Cubs 8, Phillies 3.

3:22: Koyie Hill (also a porn star) lines one to Pedro Feliz.

3:23: Big Z strikes out to end the top of the 7th.

3:26: Jimmy Rollins grounds out to first. Energy in Citizens Bank Park is completely gone; as we all know, "energy" is the number one stat in baseball. Therefore, this one's over.

3:32: The energy is seeping back into CBP! Werth singles to right, chasing Zambrano. The Phillies have Greg Dobbs coming up. Oh, and there are righthanded bats on the bench, but just Carlos Ruiz and Eric Bruntlett. Might want to stick with Dobbs here.

3:34: Big Z threw 115 pitches. Sean Marshall, a lefty, is in for the Cubs; Dobbs does indeed stay in to hit.

3:36: Even more energy! Dobbs singles down the left field line, two runs score. Cubs 8, Phillies 5.

3:37: Lou Piniella comes out to the mound again, and we have a new pitcher. This guy's coming in:

Yep, that's right: Angel Guzman is coming in. Pedro Feliz is up.

3:40: Pedro Feliz hits it to deep left center, but it's caught by Soriano. End 7th.

3:46: Theriot hits it up the middle; Chase Utley only gets a piece of it. It's a hit.

3:49: Ryan Theriot steals second, his third of the day. He has 13 for the year; today's output is 23.0769231% of his total for the year.

3:50: Eyre walks D-Lee after the deal. Two on, One out.

3:52: Ramirez lines one to right center and Jayson Werth tracks it down for the second out.

3:53: Bradley grounds to short, and the Phillies stay in the game this time.

3:57: Paul Bako takes the first three pitches, all balls, but grounds to Ramirez at third. Fortunately for Bako, Ramirez juggles it and kicks it toward short. E-5, one on for pinch hitter Raul Ibanez.

3:59: Ibanez grounds out to short. Meh. Bako advances, so at least J-Roll can't hit into a double play here.

4:00: See? Just a regular groundout for Jimmy there. Bako goes to third, and Shane Victorino is up.

4:02: Shane Victorino walks. Chase Utley is the tying run and he's at the plate. Piniella is doing a double switch, so I get to see that stupid Hersheypark "Family Stimulus Package" commercial for the 100th time.

4:06: Kevin Gregg's in to pitch, Fukudome goes to right field.

4:08: Chase Utley walks. Ryan Howard is up with a chance to put the Phillies ahead with one swing. Or, you know, a variety less pleasant outcomes for him.

4:10: He grounds out. End 8th.

4:12: Lidge is on for the top of the 9th. His ERA's been improving, as it's now sub-7!

I always wondered about that Phillies sign. The only people who can really see it are the ones in the ballpark. Do they need to advertise the Phillies to people sitting at CBP? And if they were going to do that, wouldn't they want a sign that isn't in worse shape than the billboards at a vacant Lukoil?