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5/24/09

The Zubaydah Waterboard Transcript

The following is a transcript of notes taken at the interrogation of Al Qaeda operative Abu Zubaydah. It was released by the C.I.A. at the request of Vice President Dick Cheney in order to demonstrate the effectiveness of enhanced interrogation techniques approved by the president.

1. Ha! Is this waterboard supposed to scare me? You think I don’t know that you are constrained by U.S. and international law from ever actually …

2. Hey! What the [redacted]?!

3. No, seriously. What the [redacted]?!

4. You’re Americans! Who do you think you are? Us?

5. You can’t do this! Show me the authorization for you to do this!

6. Wow. O.K., technically, you can do this. Although the quality of the legal work in these memos is shoddy at …

7. Enough! I beg of you! Stop the torture!

8. O.K., fine. Then stop the “enhanced technique!”

9. Please! For the love of God, I can’t take any more of this harsh treatment which does not rise to the level of torture!

10. Could you loosen my left medieval iron shackle? It’s digging in.

11. You’re not even doing it right! You have to tilt the head forward so that the victim’s throat is …

12. Fine! Fine! Do it your way! But don’t blame me if I don’t experience the unspeakable horror of my own imminent death.

13. Is that a video camera?

14. It is! You’re filming this?

15. Wait—am I being Punk’d? Ashton? Really, Ashton …

16. Are you going to post this on the Web? Because I can hook you up with the guy who does our online work.