Saturday, December 19, 2009

Linda Bean's Maine Lobster Roll: Perfect on Opposites Day

What a bunch of bullshit....

I was in a perfectly good mood tonight, hanging out in the kitchen at the Old Port Sea Grill. Drew mentions that Linda Bean's Perfect (fuck you) Maine Lobster Roll had opened today so we decide to do a little research to see how it matched up with the OPSG version (which is delicious).

This is before I knew, mind you, that Linda actually doesn't like the word "claw" because she thinks it's "scary." She prefers to call them "cuddlers (i've got something for you to cuddle with...)" As I type, I'm resisting the urge to break things.

It's located in the old Javanet spot, and has been re-done with pictures of lobsterman and a full bar. Who the hell would actually hang out and drink at this bar, I have no idea...

We purchased two "perfect (blow me)" lobster rolls (15.50/each) and a small lobster stew (7.95).

The lobster rolls were served on hot dog buns and tasted like frozen meat with dill. Absolutely disgusting. I've had very few lobster rolls that I've truly hated, and this was the worst.

Now let's talk about the "lobster stew." This gluey mess tasted like it was 70% sherry with a hint of frozen lobster meat. Everyone agreed that it was INEDIBLE.

The highlight of our meal were Mrs. Vicki's salt and vinegar kettle chips, too bad she had nothing to do with the rest of the food....

Honestly, I didn't have high expectations but using the term "perfect (suck it)" in the name aroused my curiosity.

Never Go Here.

Your Pal,

Joe

I'll leave you with a quick taste of N.L. in her review of Hugo's:

Short rib (23.00) gave way at the pressure of the fork intent on it's destruction.

I wasn't planning to give Linda Whackjob Bean any money for her lobster rolls to begin with, and now you've confirmed my expectations. If we're lucky she'll fold before 2010 is out, if we're not lucky the shortsighted Massholes and New Yorkers she caters to will shovel all their money her way.

"We" have vetoed your arbitrary Jan. 2nd cut off date. That just doesn't fit into "our" schedule. So I hope you'll find it in your heart and liver to accommodate drinking with us in early January. (This makes more sense than what I originally wrote.)

Unfortuntely due to the competitive nature of the whole thing (you may remember "the weight loss contest - more about that later) and the fact that there are bets and money involved, I can't change the January 2nd start date. I can, however, tell you that we still have time this month.... and there's always New Years Day...

Not for me, unfortunately. I leave tomorrow for Maryland (and Charleston, SC!) and don't get back until the 3rd. But this is a bet and therefore might end early? (If your competetor caves first, I mean.) But you guys should plan the event over the holidays, we had one without you, so it's only fair that you exclude one of us!

Humbug to pre New Years gathering! It must be in the summer so Joe can wear his skankiest spaghetti strap dress :) And, well, because I'm busy before New Years and wouldn't want to miss that for the world...

these lobster rolls taste like they have tartar sauce on them. WHO PUTS TARTAR SAUCE ON LOBSTER?????? these rolls are far from perfect, i am so sad that they are associated with this state. warn everyone you know to stay away....