Eat This

You never know when something as simple as a kid who won't eat his vegetables will bring you to one of life's little epiphanies.

The other night when I placed dinner in front of my seven-year-old, he smiled in delight. "Chicken rings! Yum!" But the instant he cut open the first ring, his smile disappeared. "It has corn in it!" The offending vegetable made his lip quiver. "Why do you always make something I hate?" he wailed, and ran to his room.

I had actually thought it was a particularly kid-pleasing meal, but this is my Picky Eater. It's tough to get anything past his lips other than peanut butter or hot dogs.

I had a sudden, unlikely inspiration. I called my son in to tell him about the time I was recuperating from my third knee surgery, many years ago.

This particular surgery was a major affair. I'll spare you the details, but in brief it involved moving bones around and putting in two shiny titanium screws that look really interesting on my x-rays.

After I came home from the hospital, my foot hurt a great deal. My orthopedic surgeon was unavailable, and so I spoke with his partner, who had something of a reputation among the women at the physical therapy gym for being less than sensitive to women patients.

"Try to stay off your feet," he suggested.

"Um, yes, I haven't been out of bed much since the surgery," I replied.

"Well, just keep the leg elevated, and apply ice."

I assured him that there was plenty of ice in the special pump that was circulating cool water over my knee 24 hours a day, and I said I was puzzled as to why my foot hurt so much when it was my knee that had been operated on.

"Well, you can expect some discomfort after surgery," he helpfully informed me.

The next morning, the pain in my foot was in fact gone. Unfortunately, so was all other sensation.

The next morning, the pain in my foot was in fact gone. Unfortunately, so was all other sensation. I couldn't feel my foot at all, nor could I move it. It was quite an unpleasant revelation to know what paralysis feels like; I issued a command in my brain for my foot to move, and nothing happened.

This time I reached my own doctor. He showed up at my apartment in his shiny Porsche about half an hour later. Since I was used to waiting for him for two hours in his well-appointed waiting room, I figured this couldn't be a good sign.

He told me he had already called to have an operating room ready to take me back in. But when he unwrapped my mummified leg he found the problem: my leg was extremely swollen, and the nurses had wrapped the bandages much too tight, causing compression of the peroneal nerve, which serves the outer side of the shin and the top of the foot along to the big toe. He rewrapped my leg loosely and told me everything should be back to normal in no time.

Sure enough, the sensation did return shortly to my foot. But my injured nerve was angry. Anyone who has experienced sciatica or other forms of nerve pain knows the feeling: intense burning. Sometimes it hurt constantly; other times the pain would jolt up my leg in great lightning bolts.

The pain grew worse day by day. Sometimes I sat on the sofa and cried, while my poor husband looked on helplessly. I felt like an alligator had its jaws sunk into my foot.

I did my best to avoid touching my foot; I stopped wearing socks, and I gingerly washed my foot only once a week. I slept -- when I could sleep at all -- with it sticking out from under the covers. Even the breeze from my fan felt like knife stabs. My doctor told me to have patience. I nearly lost my mind.

Finally, after six weeks, my bones were healed enough to return to physical therapy. The therapist I was assigned to was named Winsome. This was undoubtedly some sort of cosmic irony, since she was, in fact, a rather dour person who rarely smiled. In any event, she put me through my paces, and I told her I was most concerned about this nerve pain that was completely debilitating me.

Winsome handed me a stack of ten cloths of various textures, the coarsest one being a step below sandpaper. "Here," she said, "start rubbing these on your foot. One minute for each cloth, starting with the smoothest and ending with the coarsest."

She might as well have suggested I rake my flesh with metal combs, or immerse it in boiling water. My eyes must have been as wide as saucers as I carefully explained that I wouldn't even let a silk hanky glide across this foot, much less spend ten minutes rubbing coarse cloths on it!

Winsome explained to me that by avoiding touching my foot, I had made my nerve hypersensitive. The nerve was no longer able to process normal sensory stimuli. In short, by coddling my foot, I had made it much worse.

So I gritted my teeth, and started rubbing. It was excruciating, but within a week my nerve did begin to improve. Eventually it returned almost to normal, with only the occasional twinge to remind me of the alligator that sat on the sofa chomping my toes all those weeks.

There is a time for self-nurturing, to be sure, but babying ourselves too much leads to weakness.

So, I concluded, bringing home the point for my corn-averse youngster, sometimes when we avoid what is difficult for us, we debilitate ourselves. By refusing to eat most kinds of foods, I told him, you're making your tongue too sensitive, and it is becoming more and more difficult for you to eat what's not on your short list.

"This," I pointed dramatically at his plate of corn-festooned chicken rings, "is your first cloth." Eat this, I promised, and before you know it you'll be ready to eat all sorts of heretofore unimaginable gastronomic delights with nary a shudder.

After a bit more whimpering, he did eventually eat his dinner, and conceded that it wasn't all that awful.

I don't know if this will be the end of the picky eating in our house, but I have found myself thinking about my own metaphor.

How often do we avoid what is hard for us, coddling ourselves in inaction because we know that something might be difficult or even painful? There is a time for self-nurturing, to be sure, but babying ourselves too much leads to weakness.

Will I coddle myself by sleeping late in the morning, or will I get up early to pray before the kids are awake? Will I let myself tell gossip to my husband (because after all he's my husband, and I'm not telling anyone else and it hardly really seems like gossip), or will I reign in my tongue, disciplining myself to keep the laws of speech?

Will I go for protecting my immediate comfort, or will I keep the long view in mind and challenge myself to grow, even though it hurts right now?

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Kezia Raffel Pride has been a professional copyeditor for eighteen years. After college at Northwestern University she taught English in France for a year and obtained a master’s degree in French literature from Yale University. Kezia grew up in Buffalo, Haifa, Austin, Toronto, Albuquerque, San Antonio, and Denver. After five years in Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel, she recently moved to Jerusalem with her husband and their troop of boys.

Visitor Comments: 19

(19)
Sharon,
October 29, 2014 12:23 PM

Loved it.

That's all. Loved it.

(18)
Anonymous,
October 5, 2005 12:00 AM

I read an article about bodyclock cycles..ONCE

I read an article about body clock cycles and how bad it is to work late into the night...and how 6..a.m is the time for strokes and heart attacks... so i didnt study late into the night and I was really scared to get up early... and all this worked to my detriment and courage.. because it is precisely these times when I do my best work... so what should I do.. any suggestions..!!?? Maybe an afternoon nap to recoup strength and energy!!!???

THANKX FOR THIS EXCELLENT ILLUMINATING ARTICLE...

(17)
Margret,
October 3, 2005 12:00 AM

Spiritually profound, practical and humorous!

This article really gripped and challenged me! Embedded wonderfully in practical spirituality and in an irresistable sense of humor, I could see G-D's smile and felt His pleasure in the kind of attitude of living portrayed by the author.
My heart felt lifted and encouraged, and I found myself sporting a big happy grin when I came to the end of my read...Thank you, Kezia and family!

(16)
Merlock,
April 16, 2005 12:00 AM

An Excellent Point

Thank you for your story, Ms. Pride. Best of luck to you all!

(15)
judith,
April 2, 2005 12:00 AM

Rings true

The profound comment"when we avoid what is difficukt for us, we debilitate ourselves"really rings true for me. I tend to procrastinate on certain chores until an ant hill has become a mountain. Thanks to you, I need to change and will startin now.

(14)
Lee R Tracy,
April 1, 2005 12:00 AM

Great AnalogyMy similar food analogy

My daughter is also a picky eater. It's not so much that she won't eat healthy food. But it has to be "unadulterated." If she has green beans, it's a bowl of green beans. That's it. A cheese sandwich? Cheese and bread. She is getting better at adding things as she gets older -- now her cheese sandwich can have some mustard and olives, for instance. But it's still really hard for her. It's like there's overstimulation with too many ingredients.

And I understand that. I have a job that entails multitasking. It's like a goulash of a job, but I am to pay special attention to each ingredient, even though they are all mixed together. And then add family and my commitment to learning Hebrew and prayers and everything else in my life, and I scream in protest. It's too much! I just want one thing at a time! Simple and self-contained and obvious.

Some adults try to live like my daughter eats. They dedicate themselves to one aspect of life. They are totally consumed with business. Or they have an intense family life but can't get a good work life going. Or they are the person who is on a "spiritual journey" and feels G-d's presence when on retreats, only to lose that feeling once they are back in the city.

But G-d calls us to have all sorts of things in our lives. And as long as we look at them as separate competing things, as long as we see the ingredients and not the whole, it's easy to get overwhelmed. My personal challenge is to see the big picture, to see how all these supposedly competing things in my life all work as long as I pay attention to the "recipe" that G-d has laid out for us and worry less about how the "ingredients" fit together. It's a metaphor that's still in progress, but you get the idea. :)

(13)
Ilanit,
March 30, 2005 12:00 AM

It was really awesome.. :-)great connections in life!! :-)

I loved it, it's just cool how we can connect things in life, and that the cloth tought you and your son a new lesson in life, just like all us...the readers, I really think you are a great writer and "good thinker"!!

(12)
Noam,
March 30, 2005 12:00 AM

Truer than true!

Wow! This essay really taught me about not being so picky. I really enjoyed it. We have to all deal with life as it comes to us and not try to shy away because we're afraid. I particularly liked the final sentences about speech and slander and the final sentence. Keep up the good work!

(11)
Benji,
March 29, 2005 12:00 AM

Very true!

Very well written. Enjoyed this a great deal.

(10)
Laya,
March 29, 2005 12:00 AM

I'm eating, I'm eating...

Thanks for the reminder Kezia. You're a great writer, I hope we see more of your work at Aish.com.

(9)
Ellyn,
March 29, 2005 12:00 AM

Great article and wonderful metaphor! Looking forward to hearing/reading more from you!!!

(8)
h. sherman,
March 28, 2005 12:00 AM

physical, emotional or spiritual pain

Is it fear of pain that makes us refuse the corn ring or the sandpaper? And of course the more we fear something the more painful it is do to the act.

Great metaphor; hope the leg is better.

(7)
Anonymous,
March 28, 2005 12:00 AM

Article: Eat This by Kerzia Raffel Pride

What a fine story, it just came about fifteen years too late for our son, though the current Wharton undergrad now has great taste in Philadelphia restaurants on our visits to see him, so all was not lost!! I've learned that gifted kids as a rule tend to be very fussy eaters, and my wife played the diplomat to a fault until the little dictator was completely in charge. Thanks again for inspiring writing.

(6)
Linda,
March 28, 2005 12:00 AM

Very Good!

Thank you for a wonderfully well written article - your humor brings home an important lesson..with silk gloves!

(5)
Susan Eklove,
March 28, 2005 12:00 AM

Thanks for the article!

Dear Kezia

Thanks for your article! I was contemplating going back to bed--rather than doing something uncomfortable--like Pesach cleaning or de-cluttering, or volunteering at my children's school--or davening! How in the world can I go back to sleep after reading your article? In fact, I need to immediately start to think about what I should make for dinner to "rub" my own picky eater!

Thank you!

Susan Eklove

(4)
I Weiman,
March 28, 2005 12:00 AM

Kezia Raffel Pride's Eat This

She has great style, inspiring message. Please offer more articles from her.

(3)
Nancy Paranka,
March 28, 2005 12:00 AM

Inspiring

Sitting at work avoiding what I am supposed to be doing. I'll take Kezia's advice and go eat my vegetables. Thanks for the inspiration!

(2)
Tzivia Tabak,
March 28, 2005 12:00 AM

no pain no gain!

Boy did I identify with your article! I tripped on a thin pipe and my ankle came up with three breaks. I was sure my leg would sound off an alarm at the airport with the fifteen titanium screws they inserted, but for some reason that I still don't understand I limped thru unnoticed. About a year later when I finally began to walk properly my husband took ill, and about a year and a half after that he was gone. Cloth sandy enough for you?
I often wonder if the pain heaped on us is different than those we choose ?
Great article, stellar writing, and most encouraging.
Glucosamine Chondroitin is good for your joints and will help your knees.
All the best.

(1)
M Johnson,
March 27, 2005 12:00 AM

charming, winsome,and delicious

Most things are hard to swallow and some provoke a gag reflex but this went down well and leaves a smile too.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...