I can’t be sure, but I don’t think The Rock knows how to hold that weapon.

There’s only one really big movie hitting DVD this week, and it’s G.I. Joe: Retaliation. If you’ve already seen Channing Tatum and his friend The Rock play army, rest assured there’s still plenty of new stuff hitting your local purveyor of physical media. We’ve got damsels in distress and superheroes. We’ve got con artists and investment bankers. We’ve got dying tigers and aging lesbians. We’ve even got a movie that’s currently rating a full 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Yes, it truly is a great week for DVDs, especially if you’re really into old, Oscar-winning actresses starring in movies you’ve never heard of.

Curious which movie snagged that 100%? Continue reading and you’ll figure out which one it is in no time. Don’t know what a rushlight is? It’s a type of candle. That one’s a freebee. Continue reading and you’ll see that candles don’t ever get mentioned again in this post. As always, you can use that streaming link above to skip right to the Netflix suggestions, but if you do you’ll never know why it is scientifically verifiable that black licorice is terrible.

“Bill Paxton and Dermot Mulroney played buddy cops trying to catch partners-in-crime Bill Pullman and Dylan McDermott” is something I very much want to see. The fact that I’m 100% certain the poster will have the wrong names above the faces will just make it more fun to see who notices.