It is certainly possible, but I wanted to ask: Does Carlos suffer from depression, or from extremely severe social anxiety? I don’t think I understand either condition well enough to say, although I might have guessed the latter. (It’s also possible he suffers from both.)

Def the latter. I have been in a situation like that. I know and understand the reaction, all too well in fact.
Yep…nothing like have a complete melt down in public cause your insecurities get triggered by a small joke or comment. Holy fuck I I feel for him and want to kinda backhand Trevor right now. Bitch that was NOT the right time to decide to be sassy. I understand it was a joke but when you have anxiety like that you don’t always KNOW it is. and Trevor knows this so that was seriously insensitive of him.

Yes. I’m friends with Brian Patterson (which is better than Santa) and I still have issues with depression. It’s not simply “I’m feeling kinda mopey”, it’s a physical problem that my brain doesn’t produce the right chemicals and hormones. I can’t just think a happy thought and cheer up, I’m literally paralyzed with self-loathing unable to function. And that’s on the good days. It can also be triggered by almost anything and usually by things I can handle just fine on Monday but the same situation happens on Thursday and I’m a wreck for the entire weekend. It’s also exhausting because you’re literally in a battle of wills with your own brain.

Description of depression is bang-on. SSRI’s make all the difference for me.

Although, in the case at hand, I’d say Carlos isn’t suffering from depression; or not as I experience it anyway. Depression isn’t a lot of tears… it’s a “I can’t get out of bed, existence is crushing me” experience.

Seconding this, bravah Darryl. SSRIs help in my case but not perfectly.

And yeah, I’m more likely to (non-professionally) diagnose Carlos with anxiety and/or PTSD (both of which I also have, and probably explains why the meds aren’t enough, though it’s fair to say that every case is different.).

That’s the thing about depression. You can literally have Santa Claus as a best friend, or have the perfect life, and you can’t see any of that. It matters not how good you’ve got it, you can not escape the awfulness in your own head.

I had one of the greatest days of my life today. nice and quiet at work, no BS and shenanigans, business at the hotel was good, had a good drop at the bank, nice and productive, great mood all day.

and then the thoughts came of while I was driving home. I had to pull my car over to the side and stop on the highway. the thoughts wouldn’t go away.

why was I working hard? there will always be debt.
why was I trying to be a better person? I’ll never be good enough.
why was I looking to the future? the present keeps screwing me.
Why am I still here? because the previous two attempts didn’t work.
why do I try talking to my friends everyday? seriously, none of them ever seek ME out…
why am I still here? why didn’t I die all those years ago?

reaching out is the hardest thing ever, but when I did upon getting home–ignoring the thoughts by turning up my music–I did just that.

I was met with silence. from my stepdad. from my own “friends.” the only person who answered? my buddy from the army.

the only one. depression is real folks, and it can ruin the greatest days of your life. sometimes you’ll run into a lack of support and all you’ll feel is anguish. it is not rational. it is not logical. it is not merciful.

Jeanie is likely the best possible person for Carlos to talk to right now. She’s a good friend and a good GM, and I hope he’ll be able to listen to her and trust her, and through that trust himself more.

I think that once they actually get down to playing, Carlos will see that his friends are enjoying what he’s created and feel better about it. It’s not going to solve *everything*, but it’ll be a beginning.

It’ll be a great day when Carlos finds that hand up he so needs and gets back on the road of awesomeness. He’ll need to thicken his skin for when the critiques over Andomeda X start coming in. They’re gonna happen regardlesss and Carlos needs them for Designer development.

All the comments saying Jeanie’s going to be angry or blame Brett for this seem way off base to me. Not blaming Trevor either, even though his teasing went way wrong. Trevor’s going to feel bad enough without people piling on him.

How did the group end up with this guy? We all have our issues, but Carlos collapses if there’s the slightest bit of criticism directed his way, and bad as we all feel for him, I don’t understand how he functions day to day. He just walked (ran) out on a game night that he was supposed to run—don’t people have to be in better working order than this if they’re going to make and keep friends?

The problem with the human condition, is that not everyone is going to be all stable and solid all the time. Everyone has their quirks, from small things like keeping their workspace tidy, or preferring the colour blue, to big terrifying things like social anxiety and depression. And all of these things, from small and inconsequential, to massive and substantial, and everything in between, originate inside your head.

Yes, I’m aware of that. I’m coming from a practical standpoint; I’m all for inclusivity and tolerance of other people’s personality quirks, but how do you do social activities with someone this neurologically dysfunctional? It isn’t that I think he’s a bad guy, it’s just that he’s clearly unable to function during a group activity.

Damned if I know. I’m a couple of kinds of fucked up in the head, but… nevertheless I seem to get by somehow.

The only illusion to normality is through the efforts of other people. Not to say that we need constant reassurance (it does get kind of condescending), nor that you can’t joke with us because we’re fragile snowflakes.

But… you have to understand the person and the context. The group knows Carlos, and seem to know him well. He is pretty nervous, but when he gets his game on, it’s game on! But this was Carlos’ first time ever GM’ing. He himself had his doubts but, whoever it actually was that passed him the letter prior to starting knew exactly what to say.

Even so, even with a good solid friend base, fear and doubt still linger, and it just needs something to go wrong for everything to go wrong. For Carlos, it wasn’t breaking Brett that did it, but being told that he broke Brett (and ruined Christmas) that crushed him. How do you go against that, when the voices in your head keep whispering that things are going to go wrong?

I see a lot of flak directed at good ol’ Santa. Let’s just remember that the man has a phobia of diceless games – Think about what happened back when they were doing Round Robin sessions and Charlie was the GM. Now think about what would happen if you had arachnophobia, and someone dropped a spider on your lap. Boom! Insta freeze. Trevor was being mister flamboyant and trying to elicit a few laughs at Brett’s expense, and it backfired horribly. I’ve been in Carlos and Trevor’s shoes before (on separate occasions, ofc). Nobody is to blame, so long as it gets used as a learning experience… I’m sure Jeanie knows this, especially given her family history and her history of helping Sam.

That being said – I’m genuinely terrified for Carlos’ mental and physical wellbeing. I hope he manages to get some professional help.

It likely feels to us like more time has elapsed since Carlos left the house, but I believe what’s happening here is that two plot arcs that were happening concurrently have converged, so Jeanie is running into Carlos minutes after he ran out. We don’t yet know what the rest of the group is doing. (Also, if this is a connecting bus stop, he might have gotten away from them.)

So? If I see a friend of mine beginning to cry for a off color joke I’ll console him before letting him go. What I see is that they let him run away. I know that they may be just out of panel and I hope so, but now it seems like they left carlos to his own devices

Yeah, where ARE the rest of the group? Carlos was clearly upset BEFORE he left. Those people don’t look hard and uncaring, why didn’t someone follow him?
Jeanie probably IS the right person for him to talk to. But like many people after a horrible experience, he just needs someone to unload on.
(And yes, there are clearly issues of confidence and depression in there as well. Who knows what is inside another person’s head, what voices are telling him he’s useless and so on – but they are supposed to be FRIENDS!)

OMG I just finished d20Monkey strip and I hadn’t realized until I tried to hit ‘Next’. I started to read this strip seven days ago FROM THE START because I wanted to know more about Karthun, and it’s been a hell of a ride. Bravo, sir, you made me care for these characters so badly I couldn’t stop reading until I reached the current strip. I’ve witnessed your evolution as an author, writer and illustrator and I’m in awe at the changes in style, tone and narrative of this comic.
I don’t know what else to said to express the mix of emotions I feel right now. I’m stuck at waiting for a periodical strip, just like everybody else! What will I do with my life in the meantime?
I guess I need to start planning for a Karthun game… 8)