Wednesday, December 8, 2010

No Voice

I must be invisible. When I need someone the most there is no one there. Thank god I have music. But I'm part of this family same as eveyone else but I have no input and no voice. What the hell is that? I can't wait to be done with high school. This is my senior year so I'm focusing on colleges. I've applied but the school I want to go to my father doesn't approve. He continues to harrass me about applying to Brown and Cornell. Does he not understand that it is my future and my career path? He refused to give me a check for an application fee for CUNY:John Jay. So now, I can't even apply. He controls my life. I hardly ever go out with my friends. Maybe once every 2 weeks? Ha, what a nice life. It's not even like I'm a bad student. I'm a straight A student. I don't do drugs, drink or party. I am focused on my education. Just because I made a mistake a year or 2 ago he continue to hold that against me. If you were to compare me to my other siblings, I would be an angel. I will be 18 in 2 weeks and I know nothing will change. I will be treated like I'm 6 with no voice in my own life. If my father could see he would most likely dictate the clothes I wear. Most teens my don't understand what it's like to not be finacially stable along with the responsiblity of 2 grown ups on your shoulders while still being in high school. I try to have a social life but I'm lucky if my father let's me go out. I guess, being raised the way I have, I don't like or understand why teens my age go out and do the stupid things they do. I don't understand why the boast and put the pictures up on facebook. I think they look stupid. I have a good head of my shoulders but I have no freedom or voice in my house. So, what good is that?