This sub is about helping people in need - Whether through abuse, meta arguments, or pointless tangents, if you are not providing such help, your comments may be removed. Please report comments that you feel are in violation of these guidelines to keep discussions constructive.

I expect that my relationship with my girlfriend is taking a turn for the worst and suspect that she maybe cheating on me with a coworker of hers. She's very ra ra ra and enjoys the party lifestyle. I overheard her girlfriend saying that she skinny-dipped with some of her coworkers and I know she has gone to fancy dinners with them, while she wont put on a nice dress with me.
I love her so much and we've built up a nice little life together, I don't want to see it fall apart.

This weekend she asked me to grab something from her purse, and I saw a opened pack of trojans in there, and we keep our condoms are in the nightstand drawer. She says that "they were a surprise for later). We haven't used them yet, now they seemingly have found their way to be no longer in her purse.
Please help.

TLDR: Girlfriend may be cheating on me and has shown signs of the possibility.

It sounds like cheating. There might or might not be cheating going on, but does that matter? You're in pain, you don't trust her to give you an honest answer, and she directed you to look in the purse she knew had the open Trojans in it. That last thing means there's a possibility she's trying to get you to break up with her.

Yes, there are a lot of signs that she could be cheating on you, at least it looks like that because of the way you told the story. if it is not your jealousy or jealous interpretation of small details, definitely you should confront your girlfriend. Just tell her the truth what you think and feel and then see how she responds. But if the truth is exactly as you wrote it then you haven't built a nice little life together and she is not ready to build it. Then the truth is that you love her very much but she probably not. And the truth is that there is nothing very valuable to fall apart. Maybe she is not ready for the serious relationship and she doesn't want to build nice little life together with you.

Maybe I am being paranoid, but this is hard for me to see because then she would have not wanted to move in to a CO-OP together and own an apartment, Its been an appropriate amount of time for it to happen for us. I guess my rationale would be why move in if you aren't serious.

what i think you can do - you have to speak with her very honestly, openly and clearly - what you think and feel and then to see her reactions. Because it is a big step to move in and if she wanted to be available for more guys then she wouldn't have moved in with you. But, I don't know her and you are together only 11 months which is not a very long time. she can be feeling that she rushed into something that she was not ready yet. Or maybe she expected the things to be different. Maybe she expected not to build life together but another kind of life and to have another level of freedom than you want. So, definitely, you have to speak about everything - thoughts feelings expectations of both of you. And one more thing to check what is the truth/paranoia is to ask your close friends, friends that know both of you. Many times people that are close to you see the other side of the situation but just don't tell it because they don't want to interfere or to hurt you. Ask your friends to tell you honestly what do they think about her and your relationship. Maybe you will be able to evaluate if you are being paranoid or right

Umm...cohabitation actually leads to more affairs than strengthening relationships...studies have been done that show a 4x increase of guys and 8x increase of women committing adultery after moving in with their spouse. Believe it or not, moving in together should only be done 6 months to a year before marriage is talked about.

Anyways...seems like you have you doubts and her actions seem to line up with cheating. In my eyes you have the right to snoop. I don't like the idea as much as the next guy, but it is probably the only way to get more definitive proof. You can wait for her to slip up...but know one knows when that will be. If you find more compelling evidence, then I would move out/break up asap

Upvote. Agree that moving in together means nothing. If you have the means, hire a private investigator. Personally I'd be walking as soon as I saw the open box of Trojans. Whatever the case, do not buy a condo together before you get to the bottom of all this nonsense.

Look at it this way: better find out now, then after five years of marriage with two kids. You do not want to be a man in the U.S. going through divorce court - you will be supporting this cheater for years.

This sounds like you bore her and she is seeking other people for excitement and validation. Not saying this is your fault at all though. It sounds like she feels that she has you nailed down as a supporting role in her life. You will be there for her to take care of any support that she may need emotionally or whatever while she goes out and gets the lust out with other people. You shouldn't stay with her. If she is out skinny dipping with other guys she isn't respecting your relationship.

Ehhhhh I dunno. I'm not in your situation so I can't say for sure, but this doesn't totally strike me as cheating. I dunno, man. You're between a rock and a hard place on this. If you ask for her phone or something like that to confirm it, you're screwed. It's clear, though, that you don't trust her. Probably best to just end it.

But the thing is I trust her enough to not feel like I should push the line enough to check her phone.
We built up a decent amount together, we have a dog, an apartment, joint account, and our families love each other. Not easy to just clean break it.

You trust her enough not to check her phone, but if you ask, she'll either: a) say no and accuse you of not trusting her (and why would she refuse, if she has nothing to hide?) or b) she'll say yes, and let you look in which case there probably is nothing to hide.

Though she might be regularly clearing out any incriminating texts. If you don't ask, this doubt will build and build until it's in a far worse place. I think you need to talk to her about it- there's only so much advice strangers on the internet can give. Good luck, man.

Open pack of Trojans? She might as well have written you a "Dear John" letter. Friend, in reality I think you got lucky I stumbling across them -- a lot of guys don't even get that.

Question is, what is core to you? -- your dignity and self respect, or the comfort of a relationship which very well may be fraudulent?

I personally would never tolerate this. It is not unusual that the only signs you get of infidelity are random mistakes, like the forgotten open box of Trojans. Cheaters tend to be very good at one thing in particular -- lying, and this is not a court of law where you need to present a comprehensive case built on multiple pieces of evidence.

I'd personally rather be alone but live according to my core principles and with dignity.

Simple is to just ask. If she says she isn't and you get the feeling she's lying, just stop trying in the relationship. Either she'll fight for it, or mimic your lack of empathy. The not dressing up kind of says she's already stopped trying. The good news for you, is that once you step back and stop trying in the relationship, it becomes that much easier to fall out of love. Sounds heartless, but being vulnerable and finding it out later in a worse way is well....that much worse.