If Disney Movies Got a Feminist Makeover

- Ariel wouldn't give up that baller tail for lame old legs just to marry a prince.

- Prince Eric rapidly would get bored with a pretty woman who couldn't speak, let alone have debates about foreign politics.

- Ursula would not be shunted into the fringes of mer-society just because she is a strong, independent woctopus (woman octopus) with opinions and a touch of misandry.

- Ursula, who is actually not that bad, would take Ariel out for her first underage drink and much needed life advice. (Considering her "Poor Unfortunate Souls" line, "It's she who holds her tongue who gets a man," turns out to be very much true.)

- Sebastian would be a sassy-talking female crab named Sheila or something.

- Once she was happy with herself, Ariel would wind up still tailed, dating a merman who is supportive of her eccentric human-stuff collection and active in the seafood rights community.

Snow White

- The stepmother wouldn't be jealous of Snow White's beauty, because she would be confident enough to know that she herself was smart, successful, and lacking nothing.

- The whole movie would be like the Julia Roberts tearjerker Stepmom but with some dwarves.

- If you asked, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?" the Magic Mirror would reply, "You need to reject the patriarchal idea that beauty gives you worth. Here, take my copy of The Second Sex. Just take it."

Sleeping Beauty

- Maleficent was totally right about not being invited to the shower. Sure, when she called out the Queen, the Queen was awkwardly like, "Ohhh, I would have totally invited you! But you're always so busy being the Mistress of All Evil — I mean, you work like 9-hour days — I figured you wouldn't be able to make it ..." But still, that shit is fucked up.

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- The fairies wouldn't be able to take care of Aurora because they have careers of their own, you know.

- Instead, a very sweet, gay guy fairy couple would raise her, which would give Aurora a lifelong sense of necessary justice for the LGBT community.