Crunchy Frog

Inspector: You are the sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?

Mr. Hilton: I am, yes.

Inspector: Constable Clitoris and I are from the 'ygiene squad, and we'd like
to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled the
'Whizzo Quality Assortment'.

Mr. Hilton: Oh, yes.

Inspector: If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Cherry Fondue.
Now this is extremely nasty. (pause) But we can't prosecute you for
that.

Mr. Hilton: Ah, agreed.

Inspector: Then we have number four. Number four: Crunchy Frog.

Mr. Hilton: Yes.

Inspector: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in 'ere?

Mr. Hilton: Yes, a little one.

Inspector: What sort of frog?

Mr. Hilton: A...a *dead* frog.

Inspector: Is it cooked?

Mr. Hilton: No.

Inspector: What, a RAW frog?!?

Mr. Hilton: Oh, we use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from
Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed,
and sealed in a succulent, Swiss, quintuple-smooth, treble-milk
chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.

Inspector: Constable Clitoris et one of those!! We have to protect the public!

Constable: Uh, would you excuse me a moment, Sir? (exits)

Inspector: We have to protect the public! People aren't going to think there's
a real frog in chocolate! Constable Clitoris thought it was an
almond whirl! They're bound to expect some sort of mock frog!

Mr. Hilton: (outraged) MOCK frog!?! We use NO artificial additives or
preservatives of ANY kind!

Inspector: FUCK your sales! We've got to protect the public! Now what about
this one, number five, it was number five, wasn't it? Number five:
Ram's Bladder Cup. (beat) Now, what sort of confectionery is that?

Mr. Hilton: Oh, we use only the finest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish Ram's
bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped
into a fondue, and garnished with lark's vomit.

Inspector: (stunned) Well where's the pleasure in THAT?!? If people pop a
nice little chockie into their mouth, they don't expect to get
their cheeks pierced!!! In any case, it is an inadequate
description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany
me to the station.