Good God, me too. Realizing that no matter how hard I'm working on it I'm still working off a system of comparison is hard. And while I know that a good person would be happy for others in their good fortune I frequently find myself being pissy and whiny.

I know how that feels. There's a finite amount of things you can do, and after that all that can be done is to sit and wait for it to get better enough that you don't hate it or bad enough that you'll take any possible way out. And in the mean time... remember that you're worth whatever future you truly desire for yourself.

I'm terrified that I've missed my chance at living the life I really want while taking care of my duties and responsibilities to my family, friends, and work. I can't bear the thought that this is all there is to my life.

I do the same thing. I have organized sock drawers and horrible credit. I have ticket stubs from concerts in other countries but no savings to speak of. But I love my life every day. And once you know about a weakness you can find ways to exist around it. Online bill pay teamed with Outlook reminders has been known to work wonders. And then reward yourself with something.. being a grown-up is hard, you've earned it. I have spoken. *nod*