T-pisode 73: Bro Strip Club Code

First I gave you the rules of “The Bro Code”. Then I gave the world “The Bro Dress Code”. Now it’s time for the “Bro Strip Club Code”. The series continues!!! I don’t go to the strip club often. Usually only on a casino run, a bachelor party tear, a sports weekend getaway and of course Vegas. But last Winter I went on a tear with an old buddy. He was banging half the girls at a local strip club. He knew everybody there. We got comped. We got drunk. We had fun. We went way too damn much! And from this I noticed what really went down in a strip club for the first time ever. The ways of the strip club. The stereotypes. The types of strippers, workers and dudes that come in. That gave me some great insight. Through all that I created the “Bro Strip Club Code”!!! Here it is! Drum roll please…..

Strippers don’t get drunk so save your money manDon’t buy them drinks! When she’s working you and you offer to get her a drink, the waitress brings her a “rum & coke” minus the rum. Really. Save your money for the lap dance.

Some strippers will bang for money so pay a lot and use a rubber dudeIt depends on 3 things. The strip club, the stripper and how much you’re willing to pay. I have buddies who have done it. I don’t pay for sex so I can’t speak from experience. But it can be done. Just feel it out bro. And good luck with that STD. Because if she did it for you, you’re an idiot if you think she hasn’t done it before.

Strippers will break the rules for money depending on the strip club
In Boston we have a “no contact” lap dance rule. It sucks. But if you’re willing to pay and get out of sight, shit can happen. Again, bust out the chedda.

Strippers rather dance for good-looking dudes even though ugly dudes are willing to pay more
This is a fact. Go into a strip club with your ugly buddy, your fat buddy and your weird buddy. Just make sure you’re the good-looking one for fuck’s sake. Get a table. Watch who the strippers come to most. You’ll have your pick dude!

It’s creepy but you feel more with sweatpants if you have the balls to wear themMy buddy taught me this. I listened once and put on sweatpants at a strip club in Canada. After years of getting lap dances wearing jeans or suit pants, this was an experience. Try it at least once. Just be ready to be the creepy strip club dude that night. Really.

Only suckers sit at the pit
Don’t waste your time or singles. Let the drunk married businessmen, the foreigners visiting and the broke ass dudes drop money at the pit. You can get her once she’s done with her main stage dance and starts to work the floor. Be smart.

Don’t hit on the strippers, they’re working idiot
Seriously?! Are you still hitting on strippers?! Remember why you are there! She’s not some chick at a bar looking to meet a guy. She’s a chick trying to take all your money. Smarten up bro.

No she really isn’t digging you guy
It’s an act. She’s doing her job. DO NOT fall in love with the strippers. I don’t care how good-looking you are. How rich you are. And what she said to you. She ain’t digging you! Time to go.

The young ones are your best bets at some good action
They really are. They’re new. They don’t know the rules yet. They’re inexperienced at dealing with customers. Find a young one that almost fell like 5 times off the pole. Talk money with her. Go have fun.

No she isn’t really doing this to get through college; put her kid through school; or while working on getting her real estate license you dope
Fuck everything she said to you. Actually, try not talking during the lap dance. She knows why you’re there. Just get your jollies off. Don’t ask questions. Don’t tell her about yourself. Have fun. That’s it!

Honey isn’t her real name. Neither is Mary once she tells you it is
Don’t ask her what her real name is. She’ll never tell you. And honestly, why do you give a fuck?

Yes she will do more if you bring a chick in with you. A hot chick. And to her. Not you
I’ve done this. I’ve seen it. A bunch of times. Strippers are usually bi-sexual or completely lesbian. They love other hot chicks. Bring a hot chick with you and pay. Watch what happens. Thank me later.

The waitresses and massage girls are always hotter than the actual strippers
This is a damn bro fact! Every single time. Let them get you worked up and try to find a stripper that looks like one of them. Enjoy!!!

You are a douche when you ball up bills and throw them at the talent
They’re strippers yes. But they’re still women. And who the fuck are you to judge them and treat them like shit?! So don’t throw money at them like you’re pitching in the World Series. You’re a clown and deserve to get punched in your neck if you do this.

Nobody likes the stripper hog gang
The guy or group of guys who hog all the strippers are assholes. Hey assholes. Stop talking. Stop buying them drinks. Stop hitting on them. Because this is the #1 cause of brawls in the strip club. It pisses dudes off. We’re all there for the same reason. To have fun. So keep things moving. Don’t hog the fucking strippers!

What if a chick you know outside the strip club turns out to be a stripper?This has happened to me before. More than once. And recently too. It’s awkward as hell! Just play it off like it ain’t no thang. If you’ve already seen her naked? Cool. Nothing new. If you haven’t? Well. Now’s your chance bro.

So there you have it. The “Bro Strip Club Code”. Now you know how to act and know what to do the next time you hit up the strip club. Respect the Bro Code. Respect the stripper. And respect your penis. Now go have some fun!

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4 comments

Solid words to live by! Especially the ‘don’t sit in the pit’ rule. F’ing hate the pit. It makes you feel like a herb.

First time I went to a strip club, on my 18th b-day my buddies being the good guys they are chipped in for a lap dance for me. Chick takes me to the back room, does her thing for a bit. good times! then she says, ‘that’s one song.’ ‘that’s two songs’ ‘that’s three songs’ gets all the way to six songs and then dummy me says, ‘wow how long does $30 get you?’ she laughed and said, ‘it’s $30 per song, you owe me $180 bucks.’ So I had to shell out the birthday money that my grandmothers had given me earlier that day. Thanks grandma!!!!

“The waitresses and massage girls are always hotter than the actual strippers
This is a damn bro fact! Every single time. Let them get you worked up and try to find a stripper that looks like one of them. Enjoy!!!”