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Journal of Paradoxical Research

If you want to make your voice be heard regarding the unjust termination of great people such as Mike Farley, Steve Farley, Greg Farley (Steve’s clone who worked as a lunch lady), and Kelly Casaday, you now have a great means to do so. Join your fellow students in voicing their disappointment in decisions made by the AISU board of directors in a cool and productive way.

If you are neither of these, but care about Mike and Steve and Greg and Kelly a great deal, sign either one. I don’t care. No matter who you are, though please do not sign both. We want this to be as honest and legal of a process as possible, as boring as that is. If you are a student AND a parent (we won’t judge), I guess you can sign both. Otherwise, stay honest please.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

THERE WILL BE A TOWN HALL Q&A WITH MIKE FARLEY, WHO WILL, WITH A LEGAL INFORMANT, BE ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS THAT YOU, STUDENTS, PARENTS, OR UNCONNECTED COMMUNITY MEMBERS, MAY HAVE.

IT WILL BE AT 7:00 PM MOUNTAIN TIME, THURSDAY JULY 6, AT THE MURRAY LIBRARY (166 E. 5300 S., Murray UT, 84107).

Murray, UT – The semiannual MAP testing that the American International School of Utah and other schools are required to take has often been looked down upon by students, teachers, and parents as “boring,” “unnecessary,” “stupid,” and other adjectives that are generally used to describe bad things. However, according to a recent study performed by the Sarah Palin Institute of Technicalities (SPIT), the tests may have some upside.

The SPIT study concluded that although MAP testing is, in fact, super dumb and annoying, its horribleness may actually be its redeeming quality. “Because MAP testing is so bad, it causes students to want to get rid of it. And if the students do get rid of it, the world will become a better place,” says Michael Magoon, the president and mascot of SPIT. “In other words, MAP eventually discontinues itself, which is the best thing imaginable.”

The findings were published in the Journal of Paradoxical Research under the title “MAP Is Bad, and That’s Good.” Critics, however, argue that if MAP testing was never created, the world would have been better off in the first place and wouldn’t need the bettering that would happen if it gets scrapped. But SPIT foresees a deeper purpose. “The experience gained by the students and others who participate in eventually ridding the world of MAP testing will be extremely helpful in teaching them how to overthrow other stupid things that will need removing in the future,” says Magoon. “Like the government.”

It remains to be seen whether students, despite their distaste for MAP testing, will be proactive enough to overthrow it. In fact, some students have expressed concerns that opposing MAP testing sounds like a lot of work—a known fear of many students. If students eventually prove unable or unwilling to overthrow MAP testing, the government has stated that it will reward them for not working by giving them jobs writing next year’s MAP tests.

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