Gargantua and Pantagruel eBook

When they had done laughing, Gargantua consulted with
the prime of his retinue what should be done.
There Ponocrates was of opinion that they should
make this fair orator drink again; and seeing he had
showed them more pastime, and made them laugh more
than a natural soul could have done, that they should
give him ten baskets full of sausages, mentioned in
his pleasant speech, with a pair of hose, three hundred
great billets of logwood, five-and-twenty hogsheads
of wine, a good large down-bed, and a deep capacious
dish, which he said were necessary for his old age.
All this was done as they did appoint: only
Gargantua, doubting that they could not quickly find
out breeches fit for his wearing, because he knew
not what fashion would best become the said orator,
whether the martingale fashion of breeches, wherein
is a spunghole with a drawbridge for the more easy
caguing: or the fashion of the mariners, for
the greater solace and comfort of his kidneys:
or that of the Switzers, which keeps warm the bedondaine
or belly-tabret: or round breeches with straight
cannions, having in the seat a piece like a cod’s
tail, for fear of over-heating his reins:—­all
which considered, he caused to be given him seven ells
of white cloth for the linings. The wood was
carried by the porters, the masters of arts carried
the sausages and the dishes, and Master Janotus himself
would carry the cloth. One of the said masters,
called Jousse Bandouille, showed him that it was not
seemly nor decent for one of his condition to do so,
and that therefore he should deliver it to one of them.
Ha, said Janotus, baudet, baudet, or blockhead, blockhead,
thou dost not conclude in modo et figura. For
lo, to this end serve the suppositions and parva logicalia.
Pannus, pro quo supponit? Confuse, said Bandouille,
et distributive. I do not ask thee, said Janotus,
blockhead, quomodo supponit, but pro quo? It
is, blockhead, pro tibiis meis, and therefore I will
carry it, Egomet, sicut suppositum portat appositum.
So did he carry it away very close and covertly,
as Patelin the buffoon did his cloth. The best
was, that when this cougher, in a full act or assembly
held at the Mathurins, had with great confidence required
his breeches and sausages, and that they were flatly
denied him, because he had them of Gargantua, according
to the informations thereupon made, he showed them
that this was gratis, and out of his liberality, by
which they were not in any sort quit of their promises.
Notwithstanding this, it was answered him that he
should be content with reason, without expectation
of any other bribe there. Reason? said Janotus.
We use none of it here. Unlucky traitors, you
are not worth the hanging. The earth beareth
not more arrant villains than you are. I know
it well enough; halt not before the lame. I have
practised wickedness with you. By God’s
rattle, I will inform the king of the enormous abuses
that are forged here and carried underhand by you,
and let me be a leper, if he do not burn you alive
like sodomites, traitors, heretics and seducers, enemies
to God and virtue.