August 27, 2007

… There's a lot of things you never see and you don't know you don't see em because you don't see em. You gotta see something first to know you never saw it. Then you see it and say, "Hey, I never saw that." Too late, you just saw it. I know things you never see. You never a Rolls Royce with a bumper sticker that says "Shit happens." You never a really big, tall, fat Chinese guy with red hair. You never see a wheelchair with a roll-bar. You never see someone taking a shit while running at full speed. And, you never see a picture of Margaret Thatcher strapping on a dildo.

Then there are some things you never hear. That makes sense, some things you never hear. You never hear this, "Dad, you really ought to drink more." Here's something you don't hear too often. "Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone." Here is something no one has ever heard ever. Ever. "As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off." You know why you never that? Right! No one ever said that. Which to me is the more amazing thing, no one ever thought to say that before tonight. I'm the first person in the world put those words together in that particular order. First guy. Number one. Here's something you don't hear too often. "Honey, let's sell the children, move to Zanzibar and begin taking opium rectally." "Mom, mom I got a big date tonight. Can I borrow a French tickler from you?"...