Meeting Myself, Meeting Others

by Richard Mills, UK

Over the past two years I have been involved with Universal Medicine – attending courses, workshops, private sessions, listening to recordings and reading books. There have been changes in my life as a consequence, such as to my sleep rhythms and diet, but if I were to identify the most significant impact there has been it would be in my relationships.

It may not sound very exciting, but to experience what it truly means to ‘meet’ another person is really quite stunning. We are accustomed to the term ‘meeting someone’ to mean saying hello, or shaking hands and maybe exchanging a few pleasantries. To truly meet another is so much greater than this.

It seems the first thing we must do is ‘meet ourselves’. This is about connecting within, or more accurately, reconnecting within. So many of our relationships have been built upon mutual needs – we are seeking something from the other, maybe approval, maybe recognition, maybe acceptance. Why though, do we need anything from them? My experience is that we are trying to compensate for a deep sense of emptiness inside us. I’ve tried lots of ways of healing that emptiness and must conclude that none of them have truly worked, not long term. What has worked though is to reconnect to who I truly am within. Could it be therefore, that the emptiness so many people feel is the result of being disconnected from their true being?

Universal Medicine has presented me with many ways of reconnecting with my true being; for example, practising the Gentle Breath meditation, a very simple breathing technique. Having used this meditation for about 18 months now, I have felt myself redevelop that connection with my innermost self, and this ‘meeting with me’, has had an amazing effect on my meetings with others. When we have ‘met ourselves’ we remove the neediness from our relationships with others, replacing the ‘neediness’ with a deeper level of respect and an openness to truly be with another. It is then possible to allow the other to be who they are (whether they realise it or not), and to truly meet them without any other agendas. To relate to others in this way is simply joy-full.

A few years ago in my work capacity I attended a presentation by a man described as a ‘Learning Disability Champion’. He had a disability himself, and he presented some statistics about a survey done in America about support for those with Learning Disabilities. The service users were asked “how many of you feel you have been met by your support workers?” The outcome… only 4% said yes, that they felt they had been met. What I observe in my work is that the staff who are truly able to meet others create very different relationships with the people they support, and they rarely encounter what in the business we call ‘challenging behaviour’. I am certain this is because they meet that person’s fundamental need to be truly connected with. However, as the survey reflects, not many people are meeting others this way as a matter of course.

In my opinion, this aspect of what Universal Medicine teaches is crucial. We must all learn to reconnect with ourselves first and yes, love ourselves. Only then can we begin healing our relationships with others and creating harmony and true well-being in our lives.

325 thoughts on “Meeting Myself, Meeting Others”

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This is such a thought provoking question Richard
“So many of our relationships have been built upon mutual needs – we are seeking something from the other, maybe approval, maybe recognition, maybe acceptance. Why though, do we need anything from them?”
I feel that the way our society is currently set up encourages us at every turn to look outside of ourselves for acceptance and recognition, even within our own families, as children we vie with siblings to be seen and heard. If we were to understand for just a moment that we are all living on a spiders web and the vibration we can all feel living on this web is that we look outside of ourselves for everything. Then when people start to look inwards and not outwards this sets up a different vibration which is incongruent and this causes a stir because it is uncomfortable to feel. It’s a bit like someone rocking the boat and everyone is shouting who’s rocking the boat. But surely it’s time to rock the boat or send out a different vibration on the spider’s web because we have lived without true love, true connection and true intent for so long it’s time to reverse back to where it all began.

“What has worked though is to reconnect to who I truly am within. Could it be therefore, that the emptiness so many people feel is the result of being disconnected from their true being?” I agree, Richard. The lack of connection to ourselves leaves a vacuum that so many fill with distractions such as drugs, social media, food, sport ….. the list is pretty endless. When we reconnect to who we truly are we are fulfilled giving purpose and direction to life.

Richard your last paragraph said it all for me. “reconnect with ourselves first, love ourselves’…’Only then can we begin healing our relationship with others’…It always begins with us first, pointless if we make it about others.

In any emergency resuscitation, the first acronym ‘D’ is to check for ‘Danger’, to ensure the safety of the rescuer. Otherwise it is pointless rescuing or resuscitating anyone, if we become victims too.

I observe this in life all the time, we’re too busy worrying about others, instead of placing ourselves first.

Life is far more enriched if we live and nurture ourselves first. It’s a whole new perspective.

What a world we would be experiencing if we all were coming from our own essence, conscious presence and self love. How people would feel connected to and then the positive outcome of it all. Being met with the presence of another is truly a joy to behold.

Richard it’s so true the power and healing that comes from first knowing our essence, our true being, and then meeting others in theirs. It transforms everyday life, including our work, to being about the healing we can offer in all of our relationships, to honour and respect people for who they are, and without personal agendas or arrangements sullying the connection between two people. People truly do feel this and it is very meaningful. Meeting people in their essence brings a beautiful purpose back to life and an enjoyment in relationships.

Having a relationship with ourselves is natural as young children and generally speaking we are encouraged to grow out of that and become what our parents, teachers, the world wants us to be. Let’s allow children to retain their sense of self and embrace what we have to teach them rather than feed them expectations, conditions, projections and the like.

Absolutely love what you offer here about how – “When we have ‘met ourselves’ we remove the neediness from our relationships with others, replacing the ‘neediness’ with a deeper level of respect and an openness to truly be with another. It is then possible to allow the other to be who they are (whether they realise it or not), and to truly meet them without any other agendas.” – This is truly loving in my eyes.

Reconnection so we can start the process of being at-least gentle as a stepping-stone on our way to be self-loving is so important and as you have shared Richard it simply starts with the Gentle Breath Meditation.
For more on the “Gentle Breath Meditation” go to;
FREE GENTLE BREATH MEDITATIONhttp://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=Free+Gentle+Breath+Meditation

Meeting ourselves and others makes such a difference in life. Everywhere I go I notice I love to be met and seen for who I am and are the things I find most important. Of course it starts with ourselves but I find it very lovely when that connection is there.

To meet another without the imposition of our own projected needs and expectations of what they should be is the biggest blessing a person can receive. In that moment they are given an opportunity to let go of their guard, surrender and be themselves – their true selves, without a need to impress – what’s more beautiful than that?

“What I observe in my work is that the staff who are truly able to meet others create very different relationships with the people they support, and they rarely encounter what in the business we call ‘challenging behaviour’. I have experienced this too Richard. Whether it is children or people with disabilities or our family, if we truly meet someone and don’t judge, expect or demand them to be a certain way, they don’t react by going into certain behavioral patterns. It just shows the power of fully meeting someone for who they are, really does make a difference.

To truly meet someone and see them for who they are is deeply healing. We simply do not do this enough in our society, we tend to only meet on a superficial level and then we often wonder why we have relationship issues.

That moment of connection is so vital, be that with ourselves or with others. So often its task oriented, getting the job done, but with out the initial connection its all pretty meaningless and often feels cold and hard (which is why people don’t like being on the receiving end).

I like the word ‘vital’. Not only does it describe how important that connection is – but also how invigorating and energising it is too. It describes a deeper ‘energetic’ effect of being in connection.

I was not surprised that only 4% feel met because we have not been taught from young or had many examples of how to truly meet each other. But then again, our ability to truly meet each other is natural from day one, so maybe it is more correct to say, we have been taught from a young age how to disconnect from ourselves and also from each other.

Yes, I agree with you Rebecca. It is very important to relearn how to connect to ourselves because if we are not able to do this, then it is pretty much impossible to truly connect with the rest of the world.

I so agree Richard what Universal Medicine teaches is crucial. It is crucial because how we are with ourself is always going to be reflected in every relationship we ever have whether it be relating to the man in the street, your family members or someone needing your services at work.

So gorgeously shared Richard, is this message of how valuable it is to develop our connection to who we are, the love we already are within. As it is this foundation that develops true relationships where our connection to our love within is what guides us to explore, learn, deepen and expand to bring greater quality of love to life. Our purpose in being here together is to evolve, and when we meet ourselves and others with love, with who we are in essence, we say ‘yes’ to evolution, to all that is on offer through that specific constellation.

This brings one key element to the surface that is : healing. Healing is our opportunity to let go and discard that which is not love and what no longer works for you. A beautiful proces of connecting back to who we are and what we truly want and deserve.

It is clear that meeting oneself first makes easier meeting another. Yet, this equation does not hold true the other way around. It is not necessary to meet oneself first to be met by another one who has met him/herself.

How can we go about truly meeting another if we don’t have the experience ourselves. And how better to be introduced to what that feeling is like than to feel it in our connection with another who already has that quality.

By meeting yourself, connecting to your true self, is so beautiful as it allows you to see truly another and meet them too!! I have learned how much judgement holds us back from loving. So strong is the opposite force. Love (beholding of another) which is then equally an opposite force – judgement.

So true Richard, when we are truthful to ourselves we can see how much are we not in connection with people around us, or even in our close relationships. But as you say, the basis of this disconnected state of living life is from the disconnection from ourselves first. Therefore no program that will make us to join will provide a lasting result if we are not addressing that inner disconnection first.

Richard, what you shared here is very powerful and if made part of our living way would change the way we currently treat each other, which would then pave the way for brotherhood to be restored here on earth.

I agree it is timeless, expansive, so deeply warm, a joy….”It may not sound very exciting, but to experience what it truly means to ‘meet’ another person is really quite stunning.” All we need to do is not rush off, just be with someone, observe, appreciate and clock it, rather than moving on to the next thing.

Powerful words you offer here Richard, thank you. It truly is joyful to relate to others from a place of re-connection within ourself, with an openness and fullness that doesn’t impose or need another to be a certain way.

I used to think eating and drinking whatever I fancied and as much as I could was ‘loving myself’, siding with whatever the storyline my mind would tell me and indulging in emotional energy and justifying my reaction was ‘loving myself’ – and I really thought I knew myself. In meeting myself, this ‘I’ keeps changing and I continue to be amazed.

We are not our behaviour. Behaviour is a communication. If we judge someone based on a behaviour then we are not connecting to them or seeing them for who they truly are. It’s not about accepting a behaviour but understanding or being willing to understand what’s going on for another.

Hi Richard, the true meaning of meeting another is such an interesting topic. As you have shared, it’s much more than exchanging names and pleasantries. It’s a true connection to another, based on understanding the essence we all are after reconnecting to that in ourselves. After reading your words, I feel I haven’t truly appreciated and understood what it means to another to be met. I certainly feel the joy of it in myself as I go about connecting to others and truly meeting them, so all you have shared about the emptiness and needs based relationships has highlighted how powerful it is to be met. – Nothing needed, nothing expected. Just the joy of true connection. It’s such a healing moment for us all. So much more for me to be aware of and appreciate now on this topic. Thank you Richard!

Yes. It is my experience as I have worked on rebuilding my confidence and self appreciation that I have naturally been able to appreciate others more easily, whereas in the past I found it difficult to understand people and would often feel frustrated by their behaviour or actions etc. The more understanding I have developed for myself, the more open, understanding and compassionate I am with others.

We could then go on to say that every connection or relationship, no matter how small is a reflection for us to deepen our own connection, no matter the context of that connection or what that relationship involves. Thereby deepening how we meet ourselves and then all others.

Very true Richard, when I feel connected to myself I do not need anything from another. There is a holding that gives space for another to make the choices they choose to align to as I know that what I choose to align to in that moment is what matters to me and to everyone and everything. My responsibility in that moment is to be true to me.

It’s a great way to look at it Caroline, I sometimes feel that neediness coming in, which I can look at as a signal that I’m not connected to the love within me, because when that’s felt, nothing else is needed, especially not from another. Considering that most the world’s love songs are based on needing others to supply ‘love’, there is a lot to be appreciated about the steps we are making to return to and live from the love within!

I agree Richard, truly meeting another can only ever happen if we are able to maintain a connection and relationship with ourselves, for how can we possibly meet another if we are not even with ourselves..