Author
Topic: introduce yourself here (Read 75551 times)

TooSoon

Hi, everyone. I thought the closing of ywbb might signal a time for me to untether but I'm just not ready yet. I still need you!!!

It has been more than two years of tough choices regarding my career and daughter but there is also hope now, of which there was, at the time I stumbled upon ywbb, none.

For anyone new, I echo what others have said. Ywbb saved me. Even if you never once post, just reading others' stories can work miracles against the feelings of isolation and doubt being widowed necessarily bring out.

My husband fought a brave, highly public and ultimately losing battle against an enemy that cannot be beat: glioblastoma. When it was all said and done, to say I was traumatized is putting it mildly. If you are a GBM widow or widower, please feel free to reach out.

nonesuch

Unfortunately, he was an alcoholic, and this was causing problems in our marriage. He had been fired from three jobs the last six years of his life. His response to that was to drink more. I had decided I could not longer stay married to him. The same day I made that decision, before I could tell him, he told me he had lung cancer.

He had been to the doctor, and had some x-rays and tests, but had not shared with me what they were for or what had been found.

The next five weeks I took him for a biopsy, we visited the cancer treatment center, took him for surgery to insert the porta-cath. He had one chemo treatment, and the next week pneumonia canceled the treatment. The week after than an artery near his lung ruptured and he died suddenly at home.

When I was young, I figured that divorcing people must not love one another any more. One certainly hears that attitude from divorced people, a lot. I was angry and frustrated with my husband, but am surprised sometimes at how much I miss him. When one is angry and frustrated, it is easy to forget that what your life is now isn't always the way it was.

I am Pat. I was married to Billy for 25 1/2 years but he was my best friend for 31. In the summer of 08 he started losing weight, was anemic and exhausted. Doctor did a workup, couple of tests but nothing was conclusive. In the fall he fainted at a fundraiser. He had never fainted a day in his life. I knew something was really, really wrong. Despite going to doctors, we still didn't have a diagnosis. In December he had a nagging cough. The doctor sent him home with antibiotics. Two weeks later he still had "the cough". I told him to not come home from the doctor without a chest X-ray. I was praying he only had pneumonia. His dr called and said there was a spot on the X-ray. Two days later the CT scan showed lung cancer and after a PET scan he was diagnosed with Stage IV. He fought quite the battle. He kept going for chemo and radiation and cyberknife for his brain metastasis. He lived for 137 days after that diagnosis was made. His doctor said he was doing well, the tumors were shrinking. But his lungs filled with fluid and he was hospitalized for a week. Chemo had ravaged his body. I brought him home and 4 days later he died in my arms surrounded by his family. It will be 6 years in April and some days it feels like a year ago and other days it feels like a lifetime ago. I miss him dearly and think of him so many times every day. I have remarried and have a house full of grown single kids(his and mine). It is not the life I had imagined, or dreamed of-but it is a good life. And that is something that I never ,ever thought I would have again.

Thank you for bringing this board together. It was my lifeboat in the early days and even though I don't post often, I read everyday. I wasn't ready to let you all go and so happy I didn't have to.

My name is Juli. I lost my husband suddenly in a boating accident exactly 2 weeks before our 3rd wedding anniversary, back in 2012. He had made a career change and was working for a recreational boat towing company when he was called out to help a local boater in distress. Unfortunately, the job took hours and the weather deteriorated - and his boat went down around 1AM. I had talked to him on the phone at 11PM as I had called him, worried about the deteriorating weather - he seemed ok, the boat was handling fine and he said he was tired and hungry so I went downstairs and put his dinner out for him. I received a phone call from the Coast Guard at 3AM, informing me that he put in a MayDay call and he was missing. I don't even like to think about what he went through in those last minutes of his life. The Coast Guard and a lot of local boating volunteers were searching for him for hours and the boat (and his body) were finally located in the late morning the next day. I heard the entire search and rescue on the VHF radio my husband had in his office. I also went to "pick up" my husband's body that morning and I remember how numb I felt.

We had just bought a large house in a small town and had a 9 month old son, with plans to have another child. I had to inform his family, his friends what happened and it was the worst calls I ever had to make.

Our marriage had its difficulties but he and I were best friends and he was a great father to our son. He was such a supportive father. We miss him very much and even almost 3 years out I feel I might have post traumatic stress disorder from everything that transpired.

However, saying all of that, the death of my husband taught me a lot and I am striving to be happy, move on with my life and create a wonderful life for my son. I feel lucky in some ways that he was in my life for a period of time and we continue to look forward as best we can.

Finding the YWBB helped me so much and I am thankful for it and helped my healing process immensely.

I’m Carol. My husband, Dave, died suddenly from pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in both lungs). We put the Christmas tree up the week before Christmas and he died the next day. I called 911 at 7:40am and he died at 10:00am that Sunday morning. The wake was Wednesday, the funeral was Thursday and Monday was Christmas, 2006. We were married 26 years and we have 3 sons who were 17, 20 and 22 at the time. We were both 51 years old.

My 3 sons are now all college graduates, all with full time jobs, and two still live at home. We come and go and pass each other in our travels. I work full time too, at a college where they all received free tuition, where I got my degree, and where I met my husband (we had classes together). My middle son has Cerebral Palsy so he will probably always live with me. We have one black cat, Calvin (aka the Calvinator).

Hi all,I wrote this in 2010 on ywbb, and thought it might be easier on me to cut and paste rather than rewrite my history, which means all dates refer to 2010.

***********************************************************This is so hard to write. On May 24 Val and I were eating dinner together as always when he coughed a little harder than usual. He spit something out and had the most awful look on his face. ?Was that blood?? I asked him, knowing the answer and not wanting to hear it. He went to the doctor the next day. The doc thought it might be bronchitis, but wanted to do a CT to make sure. A week later we were in the oncologist?s office and he told us to pray that it was lymphoma. Who says that? He put Val in the hospital for five nights to monitor since the tumor was pressing on his superior vena cava and cutting off the blood return from his upper body. 10 radiation treatments, 3 stents in his vena cava, and 3 chemo cycles later the treatment was working and the cancer was shrinking everywhere, and it was everywhere except his brain. 10 days after we got the good news that it was working he died. One of his tumors dislodged in his lung and took his artery with it. He bled to death on our kitchen floor on Sunday morning, August 22. 11 weeks and five days after we learned he had cancer. After that everything is a fog. I am 14 weeks and 5 days into this process. I am lost, wandering around in the wilderness expecting to find him. I can?t imagine how Christmas will be. Thanksgiving was awful. I ran a Turkey Trot with a friend and her family. They did nothing but complain for the entire run, before they decided to quit a half-mile from the finish. All I wanted to do was yell at them that the only reason I was there was because Val was dead and could they please just be quiet. I didn?t, and I hate feeling so hostile towards people. Anyway, it is nice to know that I am not alone in this, though I wish none of us were here and hadn?t needed to find each other.

**********************************************

Back to 2015 I echo what I said then it is nice to know that I am not alone in this, though I wish none of us were here and hadn't needed to find each other.

I'm bringing the whole thread, since I only had 1 reply. It brought me back to my old screen name. I was so freaked about his family being pissed that I had life support removed, I was afraid they'd find me here. I was so sick then too. That year sucked. About a couple months in, and lots of hours with my wonderful chat wids, I became myself

Thanks for welcoming me Maureen (Wheelerswife) I am so glad we even got to meet last year. You were my very first contact in the widda world, I'm glad I went back and looked. I remember you'd pop in and out of chat, always pm'ed me to see how things were going. Thanks from the bottom of my heart!

I've met so many countless, sweet wids friends now, probably for the rest of our lives! Hugs to all!

Sad thing I realized, my old tag line is no longer correct. I haven't spent over half of my life with him anymore. Weird.

I am new to this forum, a forum 2 weeks ago I would have never went in search of and now I am so glad I found it.Life is just strange now. I have so many questions yet I mostly don't want to hear the answers. I have spent the last week very sick with bronchitis then pnuemonia, it is like my body is demanding attention and rest. I don't really blame it. My husband had a small surgery and all was great. Then when I thought we'd get to see him my life changed completely. The words didn't make any sense & I still have alot of unanswered questions. It was something to do with his heart, I had two choices to make for his survival and they needed my answer then. Life stood still for the wait to see if this would make him better, was I doing the right thing?! Each doctor came through and I asked a million questions, everyone was optimistic but nothing connected. Then a new specialist walked in and all I heard was 1%. His chances were 1%. 1% I hate that. After I had all the facts I asked for life support to be removed as it wasn't assisting to get him better, it was only keeping him living. He'd never be who he was again, only a shell of my wonderful handsome husband. He had severe brain stem damage, my baby didn't know me or even himself anymore!I had an uphill battle with his family who felt I was killing him because maybe he'd get better. There was nothing that waivered in my choice because he clearly told me his wishes. He also said he didn't want his mom & me sitting around crying over him. Thank god he told me so much, it helped me to be strong. Now I am a mess. Everyone is different & say bizarre things. His brother wants everything. When or will this get better?_________________________Over half my life spent with my wonderful husband that made me feel so appreciated and loved each day. He always said when it's his time it's his time but why at 39?!

I am so sorry you had to find us here. At the same time, I am glad you found us so soon. Welcome to the club, as we say, that nobody wants to join. That said...this is the greatest bunch of people you could want to meet. Right now it is all so raw and fresh and not much will make you feel better at this point. Right now...you just need to keep breathing. Seriously...I think we all had to be reminded to breath in the first weeks. Drink water, eat when you can, sleep when you can, take any help anyone wants to offer. This time is all about you. You are grieving and your grief is your own. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. Do NOT let anyone make you go through his things or throw things away. Everything that was his is now YOURS and in time...whether it be weeks or months or years, you can decide what should be done about his things. Come here often. Read, post, scream, vent, cry. We understand. I am so sorry.....

Maureen_________________________Wherever you go, I shall go.....My beloved Barry...11/29/55-9/22/09You gave it everything you had.

My polarbear....such a brilliant and beautiful man. 1/16/57-1/11/14You had so much more to give, to learn, to teach.

Hi I am Alexandra, but mostly known as ChrisMyLove on ywbb. I finally made it here. I lost my Chris on 12/31/2012 and although I am doing "better" I miss him daily. Here is my original intruduction, I have not reread it since I wrote it and even now I am only copying and pasting. Here goes.....

On 12/31/2012 I lost the Love of my Life to a horrible event. Chris and I met on 3/28/2005 and it was Love at first sight. I was a bit worried at first considering at the time I was 31 and he was only 24. But I could not escape his charm and his devotion to make me feel secure and loved and to eventually wipe all my doubts about our age difference away. He "grew up" to be this wonderful, amazing, loving, kind, always happy, helpful, sweet kind of guy a woman can only dream of. He would hold open all doors for me to the point of even telling me not to touch the door handle in the car, walk around to the driver side and open it for me. I work nights, so once he heard me wake up in the early afternoon and head for the bathroom he would start my coffee for me.There are so many little and big things this wonderful man did for me but most importantly: HE LOVED ME!!!. He would tell me and show me daily and in all the time we where together never "slacked", if anything he got more attentive. Every hour spent with him was a happy one. We had our ups and downs of course, but no matter how bad things got in life we knew we could depend on each other.Chris loved making new friends and hanging out with them, playing games, BBQing, watching Football.....On Sunday night/Monday morning at about 2 30 am he came home from watching football with his friends.He wasn't supposed to have gone out but some game times had gotten changed and he begged me: Baby, its the last football Sunday. Come on.....So of course I said yes.We talked and texted throughout the night and he kept telling me he would stay out a bit later, and a bit later.....Well, at 2 30 am when he came home he was rather drunk and late so of course I was upset with him.We had a slight argument and he kept apologizing and asking me to pick a movie( we are night owls and watch movies every weekend once he gets home until the sun comes up or we fall asleep). We did our usual routine, he took his jersey off, hung it up, shoes in the corner, I got something to drink, he went to the bathroom....... We have a small house so no matter where we are the conversation continued. I went to the room I had been all day to shut of the heater and turn of the lights and computer when I heard this aweful noise come from our bedroom....My first thought was : Well crap, now his drunk ass broke the big screen.I ran into the room and saw him laying on the floor and thought shoot, he passed out hit his head now I got to keep him awake cause he might have a concussion. This is all happening in seconds, I reach down to touch him and shake him awake when out of no where a pool of blood appeared under his head and started spreading.. I screamed : Oh my God Baby, What did u do? Ran, called 911 .............He was pronounced dead at the scene and my World ended.I don't know what happened, I don't know how it happened.I have a million questions and regrets. I wish I never left the room and just stayed with him in the bedroom,I wish I had never gotten mad at him for coming home late, I wish I had said I love you , I wish I had never let him leave to watch football in the first place, I wish I could turn back time............

I miss Chris every second of every day.He is the Love of my Life. He made me the happiest woman on earth for almost 8 years. We had so many plans for the future. I feel cheated out the - spending the rest of our lives together. I feel alone with no one to talk to. Chris was my person, no matter what I needed to talk about he would listen.We would talk, phone, txt, every few hours. I am so angry at myself for not realizing how drunk he was. I am mad at myself for not just being happy he was home. I have lost all will to live. I used to be afraid of death now I wish someone would just run me over with there car. All I do is cry, yell, scream, beg him to come back. I wish I could just stay in bed all day with his picture and never speak to another person again. But the bills have to be paid. I cannot sleep, when i do I have nightmares, food is hard to keep down and the pain in my chest when i think of Chris is unbelievable.I feel like I must be a horrible person to deserve my happiness just snatched away and replaced with this horrific pain and suffering. There are times I just don't see the point anymore and I ask myself why I am sticking around.Why not just end it all? If it is true that your loved ones are waiting on the other side why should I have to wait 20 30 40 years to make it there and in the meanwhile live with this grief.

So this is my story, sorry that it is so long.Thank you for letting me vent._________________________My Love...My Life...My Person...My Best Friend...My Soul Mate...I love you Baby!!!Chris 9/6/1980 - 12/31/2012 (the day my World ended)

Hi guys, I'm Tyler. I was briefly on YWBB, sent by a friend who is also a widower. I was glad to find this present place, however. I dunno maybe i just like the old-school message board set up... or maybe it's just the atmosphere.

My wife, Chanty Elise, passed away on November 3rd, 2014. I'm still so lost without her. She was perfect, she was flawed and she was mine. She was the only one I ever truly wanted and the only one I've ever loved. It feels like yesterday and an eternity all at the same time. We met in high school and from the first time I saw her I knew. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. It was 1989. Half way through the school year she moved away and we lost touch. Exactly twenty years later (to the month), we found each other on Facebook and (three days later) had our first date. I think we both knew that night that fate had brought us back together. I'm the luckiest man in the world for having had her for even a brief amount of time. I wouldn't trade any of it, not even the pain of losing her, for all the money in the world. I just wish I could have loved her longer.

Chanty was a very "brittle" type one diabetic. The last couple of years she had been frequently hospitalized due to the varying complications associated with diabetes and gastroparesis. About a year ago several pulmonary embolisms were found in her chest . They put her on blood thinners, which caused her to vomit blood at alarming and painful rates. Trips to the ER were always nightmares. Unfortunately, the incompetence of some of the health care workers still astonishes me. The "last time" I took her in to the ER, was merely so they could give her fluids, because she had become dehydrated from being sick. We didn't even think they would admit her. Due to neglect of the nurses not checking her blood sugar for hours, she went into diabetic ketoacidosis and they decided to keep her over night. How was I to know that leaving her for the night, would become such a source of guilt, shame and torment? I wasn't by her side when she needed me. I called her early the next morning and she simply said she wasnt feeling well and would call me back. A couple hours later a hospitalist called me and told me to get there quickly. Cardiac arrest caused by the pulmonary embolism. By the time I arrived, they had resuscitated her 3 or 4 times over a 45 minute time frame. For the next twenty four hours, she was in a coma ( and eventually brain dead). I had our daughter, parents, siblings and a few close friends in the room with us. We took turns going into the room with her alone and made our peace and said our goodbyes. I pray there was a part of her which could still hear me. I've heard coma victims can hear everything said to them. My God, was it hard and so very surreal. When they unplugged her from the machine we were all there holding her, loving her and not wanting to let go. A part of me is still there, not wanting to let go. It's been four months and eight days and I'm not even close to wanting to let go. My sweet Chanty was just 40 years old. We were one month away from celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary.

Losing her on November 3rd meant, I had to quickly face the upcoming holidays with such a fresh wound to the heart. Thanksgiving, our anniversary (dec.4th), Christmas, New Years, her birthday (jan. 16th), and of course the list goes on. Fortunately I was so numb from the shock of losing her, I somehow made it through. I do know January was colder, Spring will be lifeless and Summer will be void of warmth or color. Autumn, our favorite season, our last season together, I?m sure I?ll grow to resent. Life simply has no flavor or meaning.

I know, right now, everything is harder and regret is a bitch. I?m so sick of crying or tearing up with a knot in my throat. It's taking it's toll. While every single thing reminds me of her, the absolute worst for the first two months, was bedtime. Even if I had a decent day, the cruelty of reality comes with nightfall. The finality haunts me when I crawled into bed, knowing I'd never hold her again. I finally started sleeping on her side of the bed and this actually seems to be helping. The hardest part presently is simply living in this house. Her ghost (metaphorically) is everywhere. When my step-daughter isn't here, I just can't bare being alone... it's overwhelmingly sad. I just want her back. I don?t want to move on and I don?t want anyone else. Yet at the same time, I don?t want this present darkness to become my identity.

I just wanted to say a quick hello in the forum's new home. My husband died in a skiing accident in 2012 the day before Father's Day. We were together for 11 years, and married for 3. He was a beautiful, vibrant person, and we were just getting started in our lives together. I have a young son, who was 2 when his father died.

Losing my husband was the most terrible thing that has ever happened to me, but the perspective it has given me on life and how I want to live it is a precious gift. I learned in a big way how to stop sweating the small stuff, how to let go, and just live. Today I am no longer consumed by my grief... my new life has its own new shape, which is not just the negative space around the life I used to have.

I don't visit here often, but I love connecting with other widows when I have the chance. Hugs, everyone!

I was also on YWBB and browsed a lot when I needed to remind myself there were others that were going through the same thing I was. I have always been a bit shy and rarely posted. My husband and I married young and enjoyed 17 years together when he went to work one night (a trucker) and never got the chance to come home to us the following morning. Another trucker on the same road fell asleep at the wheel and all is history now. He had just turned 39 a month prior. Our boys were 5 and 11 at the time of the accident. 9 years later they are 14 and 20 and life is still moving forward. I have dated a little over the years, with nothing exciting to report on that area, just that I still have hope. We live in a small town in the Midwest . We are lucky to be very close to his family as well as my own, and I just keep busy with the kids and with volunteering that I have found to be good for me. I am glad to see this board will continue to help others as it has helped me more than you know.

Hi I'm Leslie was November on YWBB. I lost my husband on 7/20/14 due to road rage. We were visiting his parents in Mexico and on our way home a drunk driver in a truck cut in front of us almost hitting us. My husband and the man had a verbal exchange and the driver of that truck pulled out a gun and shot my husband. He was 41. We were married for 15 years. I miss him very much everyday but I see him in our 3 beautiful children.

So glad to see the old names transfer, and know this place will be here for people the way it was back when I was raw and devastated and desperate for understanding.

I'm Rachel. I was 32 (almost 4 years ago now) when my Simon was standing on a sidewalk in NYC and killed by a car accident that left the roadway - he was 28. We only had three years together, but they were extraordinary years with intensity that never faded. We'd been about to start our family, and were living in a happy bubble of obsessive love. I spent the first year or two grieving very very intensely, and at two years started to come back to life.

I tended to reach out to newer widows to "pay it forward," all the amazing support I'd gotten here and in real life, and when I did that once with a widower I heard about, we ended up meeting up and having a crazy (and long distance) fantasy fling, falling in love, and then I moved north to the middle of nowhere to be with him and have his baby - she's 9 1/2 months old now, our double-widow baby. It's not all rainbows and sunshine - life post-loss has been rough since recoupling for me, but here I am! I honestly didn't believe I could physically survive the unbearable pain. And I did. Or at least I have so far!