My schedule for Dinosaurcon 2015

I have the flu, so rather than coming up with a new April Fool’s Joke, I decided to resurrect an old one. Literally. Well, sort of literally.

DINOSAURCON 2015: THEY LIVE AGAIN

A convention promoting the use of dinosaurs, synapsids, pterosaurs, sauropterygia, and other prehistoric beings in speculative fiction.

Following the success of last year’s University of Etobicoke Room Party, several of our panelists this year are actual genetically reconstructed dinosaurs. We thank the University of Etobicoke and the Jurassic World marketing team for their generosity.

Friday, 5:00 PM. Why Dinosaurs?

For the boyfriend, family member, or other unwillingly dragged-to-the-con participant who doesn’t understand why paleontology is so awesome. We will MAKE you understand. Possibly with lasers. Ha ha! That was a joke, worried boyfriends and family members being unwillingly dragged to the con! We will totally just explain these things in a peaceable, non-coercive manner and with no lasers at all, we promise.

Friday, 8:00 PM. So What Is It Like To Be A Genetically Reconstructed Dinosaur, Exactly

It’s not easy living 65+ million years after your species was supposed to go extinct. Our panelists discuss how they have learned to live with humans, their struggles in handling instincts for which a corresponding social or pack structure no longer exists, their reactions to human enthusiasm and fear, and how they would REALLY like a burger right now. Like, really.

Saturday, 11:00 AM. Signing Sessions

Note: our Tyrannosaurus cannot appear at this year’s signing session because her tiny hands are incapable of signing things. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Saturday, 1:00 PM. Make Your Own Burgess Shale Type Fauna

A fun, hands-on workshop for all ages! With our tinkertoy-like construction materials, learn how to make a life-sized scale model of any creature in the Cambrian Explosion you please, from trilobites to giant carnivorous shrimp. Five eyes? Fourteen rubbery noodle legs with spines on top? No problem! Let your imagination run wild; Mother Nature is already wilder.

Saturday, 3:00 PM. Reading

A joint reading by Ada Hoffmann and Merc Rustad. Last year’s reading was so excellent that half the audience was never heard from again. Can we top that performance this year? Come on in and find out.

Saturday, 5:00 PM. The Social History of Paleontology.

Paleontology is ultimately an activity done for humans, by humans. This panel answers your questions about our socially constructed ideas of dinosaurs. How did dinosaurs get so much more press than other creatures? What causes some children to latch onto them so hard? Why do meat-eating dinosaurs get more attention than plant-eaters? Can discussions of dinosaurs be ageist, sizeist, militaristic and sexist? Of course they can. Our panelists enlighten you.

Saturday, 8:00 PM. Karaoke

Consisting entirely of Katy Perry’s song “Roar”, accompanied by hadrosaurs.

Sunday, 3:00 PM. Apex Predator Beauty Pageant

Mirror, mirror on the wall: who is REALLY the most gorgeously badass killing machine of them all? Cheer for raptor packs, tyrannosaurs, cave bears, giant squid, megalodons, Terror Birds, giant crocodiles, those massive armored fish from the early Devonian, and many even stranger creatures as they compete on a range of challenges for strength, deadliness, cunning, visual appeal, and sheer personality. Contestants are strictly prohibited from eating the audience! We promise. Ha ha.