Love

My mother was a very relational person. She knew everyone – almost. And she knew to welcome everyone. This is one of the most important lessons I will ever learn from her. To love and honor people is no easy fit. People are complicated, friends become weird and brothers fight! It is hard work loving people and remaining committed to loving them. Yet when I look back at my mother, she seemed to pull this off effortlessly.

Sunday lunch always had a guest – a friend or a relative – to catch up with. Clearly, I have not been as great at this. She would spend the precious hours of her weekend attending events, weddings, funerals, vigils, and many others. I always never understood why everyone expected her to be there all the time.

In hindsight, I wish I had gleaned those lessons in time. Now, I find my calendar at a stretch to go visit and attend to everyone. It is easy to hide your head in the sand, thinking I cannot please everyone. But am sure we all know someone who manages to be the people person – and we simply wonder, how do they do it? We all have 24 hours, how is it that they manage to make time for everyone and we just want to hoard the time for ourselves?

Gabriella’s mother is another woman I find very interesting. I am yet to observe a very hardworking woman such as this. She gets tired very often, but if there’s one thing I can count on, she is such a home maker! She has a zeal for a nice and good home; she keeps an eye for speck of any kind of mess. When its all said, and done, beds are straight, the girls rest and I get the rest!

In the 21st century, these 2 qualities are perhaps the most intrinsic qualities of a good woman, and an accomplished mother – to remain relational and friendly in the face of 5 inch mobile screens and tablets; and to remain a hardworking home maker when you could throw money at “the problem”.

I honor these women, for who they are to me but also for the example they represent for the hundreds of girls waiting to turn into women. Happy Mother’s Day.

At the risk of a little reputational misdemeanour, I recently ventured into a realm unknown. I came face to face with the recipe for how to “immunise” a man from cheating on you ever again.

How? Simple: Get his picture, 2packs of coffee (emwanyi), 2 coins of 200shillings. Sit down in front of a basket of twins (ebibo bya balongo) and ask them to do “the job” according to the pain you have. No white feathers, or tongues of me. Neither goats nor other such fetishes.

Would you do it?

Just add Coffee & Coins…

Typically, this is not the kind of session you have on your porch, nor on the break of dawn, you have to go to the “jajjas” (Spirits/Mediums) at a location of their favour (Medium’s Business location or “Essabo”). In present day speech, you would have entered the world of witchcraft, no? For someone who has never experienced this, this was as scary as exciting.

Meet Jess (Ofcourse, not real names), mother of 1, separated from her cheating hubby. According to her facebook profile, Jess loves children, believes women don’t cheat and definitely hates cheating men. Tired of living on the fringes, Jess “immunised” the father of her child, away from other women back to herself. She admitted to learning this trick after she had abandoned her marital home, but is now well onto regaining lost ground – thanks to a charm!

Would you do it?

Jess’ determination is solid and is testament to the power of Love. New Dheli is struggling with being the rape capital of the world, and I wonder if we could export a little charm to control all those wayward hormones. But what if Jess’ hubby converted to Islam and was allowed another 3 wives, what then would become of this locking charm that works only one way? Is it safe to assume that this is there fore not common in Islamic communities?

I did ask Jess, what if someone wanted to get cheeky and use this charm selfishly to lock into a threesome or some other combination. No, it doesn’t. I pushed my luck further by asking Jess, as the initiator, if she could accommodate me in her charm. Thankfully, it doesn’t work! Can you imagine a world where that might be a possibility?

Would you do it?

How about as a parent? Would you pass this down onto your children? Would it fall in the Legacy or Good Advise category? Would you, at your daughter’s kwanjula give her a set of baskets and some coffee, incase she needs it in her soon-to-be commemorated marriage? As a father, would this comprise your father to son talk?

I believe that the use of spirits and mediums to manage and/or manipulate marriages is a social evil, as much as 50 Shades of Grey! I believe that everyone has in them the power to build and nurture lasting relationships, and that while Jess is confident in her charm, if she does not deal with the reasons of her earlier separation, this is only a band-aid solution. There must be room for communication, and for wise counsel from elderly respectable couples. What about real friends who you can run to with marital challenges, someone, not something to confide in.

So its February 14th – Valentine’s Day, and it sure is going to be red and all…But what does it really mean? To love the way we celebrate the day, what does it really mean? I know its just 24hours, and by no means can you suppose to package all your undying love into such a miserly tiny speck of time.

So i wonder, all the flowers, and chocolate bars – if they cannot embody how much you love, why not say it. What does it really mean our loved one?

Well, i went to the book, yes, the book, thats been there the longest, and had the biggest influence of all books. In there, i found the familiar ‘Love is Patient, Love is Kind’ passage in 1Corinthians 13.

But in the same book, there is the atypical Romans 12: verse 9 to 21. Here its Love in Action! Pure Simple.

My challenge to us all, is, as we celebrate Valentine’s today, How much of our Love is really Action? Afterall, if we do it everyday, it will become a habit – and individuals will be changed. Daughters will gleen sacrifices of their mothers, and happilly grow into them. Sons will understand honor, from their fathers. Families will be changed, communities transformed, villages turned on their heads – nations, will smile at their former selves.