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August 28, 2012

Four (Or So) Minutes of PURE SOAP

I dare you to name a television moment today better and more exhilarating than the last few minutes of today's General Hospital. Actually, I don't dare you to do that because I am sure we could come up with a list of any number of things that were better than the ending of today's show and there is nothing more embarrassing than a dare that's met easily, so let me rephrase: when was the last time the ending of an episode of General Hospital had you speechless and flailing and anxious for the next day to arrive? Louise knows what I'm saying.

The residents of Port Charles grappled with the realization that Jerry Jacks is, for one, ALIVE and also DEADLY AND NEFARIOUS, STILL, THIS TIME WITH LITERAL TOXICITY.

Carly dealt with her feelings of terror and anguish by, apparently, retreating into a fantasy realm in which she gives some sort of a damn about Jax and--get this--looks to him as a hero.

Carly: Oh, baby girl. You know everything's going to be okay. Everything. Because your Daddy's going to fix everything. He's going to take care of us just like he always does.

It takes the threat of a biochemical death to get Jax a little bit of love around here (and a little bit of lovingly shot airtime, but that comes in a bit).

Tracy seems to already be suffering from the effects of the poison judging by her erratic and deluded manner of thinking.

Tracy: I finally met a man who's intelligent and attractive, and not my ex-husband, and we're going to die.

You already know this and have already undoubtedly try to repress it, but just to remind you: she is referring here to Joe Scully, Jr. I mean, ew, right? Like, so ew.

Ewen, who has become wholly incapable of keeping his super secret hidden identity of evil a, well, secret, got flustered and handsy and grabbed a clearly terrified Elizabeth who screamed--and was saved (or will be saved, I should say) but a protective and angry Patrick!

Sam dealt with the fallout of this bombshell calmly and rationally because she has religion on her side; and by "religion" I mean, "blind devotion to Jason's unwavering heroism". I wondered for a moment if an old script had resurfaced, but that's silly; the General Hospital of 2007 would have NEVER included someone else's name alongside Jason and here, John is given equal weight.

Sam: You saw John tear out of here, he must have a lead. And Jason's working on it too, Mom.Alexis: And that reassures you?Sam: They'll figure out what to do. They have to.

Somewhere, Bob Guza threw a glass at his television and screamed "JOHN WISHES!" (I should probably take that out, because I don't want to get sued for insinuating something as outright awful as Bob Guza having so little to do with his days that he watches this show).

Sam was right to have faith in her men, though--although it's probably not faith so much as it is "having seen this show before" because John and Jason tracked Jerry down and John watched snarkily as Jason beat the crap out of him. And, bloodied and battered, Jerry STILL had an attitude, until...

Jerry: Do you honestly think you can get me to talk?Jax: No, but I can.

Ingo Rademacher, you sexy bitch. I LOVED this. I loved Jax's kickass entrance and the way John and Jason were mystified by him. I loved thinking, for a second, that maybe--just maybe!--Jax will be allowed to be, you know...useful.

...am I forgetting something? Oh, right, the minor point that DUKE FUCKING LAVERY IS ALIVE AND HAS HIS ORIGINAL FACE AND IS THE ONE WHO IS HOLDING ROBIN AND OHMIGOD MY HEAD EXPLODED.

!!!!

Twitter has been all, well, atwitter over Frank Valentini's comments that today's GH would feature a huge surprise and I rolled my eyes like a cynic. Like, right. This show is always proclaiming that something is a game-changer and nothing ever changes. I thought this big reveal would be neither large or revelatory but oh my WOW, was I wrong.

Doctor: If you hadn't moved Scorpio-Drake when you did, her mother surely would have discovered her. I'm sorry. It must have been difficult for you seeing Miss Devane struggle like that. I know how much you care for her. I hope soon you get what you so desperately want.

I'm sorry, what?! WHAT?! !!!! OHMIGOD! I was convinced that this would be either Helena or Faison, and I was convinced when the shadowy figure of a man appeared that it was Faison and my eye was in mid-roll when DUKE! I CAN'T! I don't know why he is doing this or why he has this face or WHAT, but OH MY GOD, WELL FUCKING PLAYED, GH.

Comments

I am NOT happy to see Duke! And I wasn't surprised at all that it was him.

I wasn't watching GH back in the day, so my only exposure to Ian is what I've seen on AMC and recently on DOOL, and I don't like him...or rather the characters he's played. I'm not excited that he's back, and he's still looking creepy like the other characters I've seen him play. Don't we have enough creepy characters on this show right now?

I hate Jerry, don't think he's handsome OR sexy, and I hope this stupid story ends quickly. The only good thing to come of all this is it brought Jax back and he IS handsome and sexy.

Tracy and JoeJr? That is beyond icky on every level. And I don't find Joe sexy either. Maybe it's just hard for me to find a despicable character sexy under any circumstances.

I don’t know why they are doing this bio-chemical storyline. On DOOL, we knew that several actors had been fired, so that was an easy way to get rid of some of them. But I haven’t heard of any firings on GH, so what’s the point of the story? Are people actually going to get killed off? Or is there some other reason for this unrealistic storyline? Can someone tell me the point of the whole thing?

I too, was rendered speechless and gleeful and giggling and "oh my God it's DUKE". I was unspoiled and it was so nice to have an honest to goodness surprise that I think I'm going to remain unspoiled from now on. It's a nice little change. Most stuff on the show is telegraphed so much that it's easy to figure out, but i was SO not expecting this!!

Why is he doing it? for what purpose? Does he hate Port Charles? Why? Why would he take his little Robin from her family? From her little girl and the man she loves? Seems very unDukelike.

Is he in the dark about what Jerry is up to? Is he trying to just keep ANNA busy for a while as he sets something else up? what gives? I'm full of the wondering and actually can't wait to see more!!

lol at "JOHN WISHES"! I totally imagine sometimes that Guza is watching and is imagining how he would do a thing and thinking to himself, "this scene would have been SO much better if Jason was single-handedly beating up John and Todd and Starr declared her crush on him right after!"

I KNOW!!! JAX GOT SOME HERO MENTION...from CARLY!!! All the caps are needed, sorry.

This is a seriously new regime, and it is awesome. IR is a sexy *itch! I concur wholeheartedly especially when he's allowed to be, THE GOOD GUY!!! Oh yesterday's show was all kind of awesome! All kinds!!

McBain got equal billing in Sam's eyes..That right there is monumental. And Patrick is going to rescue Liz not Jason. What now? Is this a set-up that I can get down with. I've always been on board with giving Patrick and Liz a go, and the repercussions of that when Robin returns would be all kinds of soapy and awesome.

It makes my head hurt to speculate what sinister plot links Duke & Jerry & Ewen with Robin's kidnapping and poisoning the PC water supply. BUT on the relationship level I'd bet that Anna/Luke were supposed to be triangled with Robert's return and that TR wasn't interested/available--enter the newly available IB/Duke.

Don't worry, new viewers - Duke was occasionally shady but NEVER creepy a la Days' Ian or AMC's Madden. IB brought the romantic leading man as Duke. He ADORED Anna and Robin. Don't know where this story is going, but I have high hopes if only because it's not Guza. Jeepers, Finola Hughes was doing good work with the sad tears as Anna. Give her a hug, Duke!

I honestly wondered who Tracy was talking about when she said "intelligent and attractive." Then I remembered there was a shirtless man right next to her.

OMG, I want flashbacks and I want them NOW. Duke and Anna! Duke and Robin! I just.. can't even. They were a huge, romantic couple when I first started watching GH as a little kid, and I've never loved Anna with anyone else as much. I'm too excited.

Did anyone understand Joe Jr.'s flashback yesterday to Jerry explaining how Joe could protect himself from the pathogen. Did he say something about mixing it with water??? How does that make any sense when they are transmitting it by water?

Jerry gave Joe something and told him to mix it with water and drink it at the first sign of symptoms. Presumably, the antidote, with which Jerry will hold the whole town ransom for ... whatever Maguffin he (or his employer/partner) is after.

interested to see how this plays out because the Duke Lavery I remember would NEVER ever hurt Robin and/or Anna.... Please don't change that part of him... please don't. Anna/Duke were a great love story-- looking forward to that

I had the exact same reaction to the Dr's lines. I was all smug sitting there going, it's Faison, Faison, but then, then, DUKE! wholly smokes they had me. I was in pure glee and shock at the same time. THIS is how I LOVE soaps! I can't wait to learn how everyone is tied together. First Patrick's awesomeness with mourningness, then the hilarious pairing of Todd and Heather and now Duke. Duke? Brilliant. I am loving this show.

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