~ The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom… on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

Tag Archives: sports

All extracurricular activities at our school have been cancelled for this year because of politics involving the teachers. As I have had to deal with the kids’ justified disappointment on this issue, I jumped at the opportunity last week to let the kids go to a cross country competition for their first time, as it was being organized independently of the school. I was grateful to my dialed-in friend for seeing this event in the paper, which ended up being a great experience for both moms and our four kids.

Ethan’s Race: It came as somewhat of a surprise to Ethan I think, that his race proved harder than anticipated. He crossed the finish line with a long face (which I thought was because his best friend had won by a long shot…which I must say was awesome!) But no, it was because he threw up part way through the race. So my post-race cheering switched tactics to: “Hey – you puked, kept on going, and still did awesome!” He didn’t seem to think that showed character, no matter what I said. (And he couldn’t fathom the concept of possibly being sick from the exertion) Thankfully, after a short while had passed, his attitude – and possibly his nausea – had greatly improved, and his opinion of the event evolved into: “It was awesome!!”

Audra’s Race: The girls ran a shorter race, but still far longer than either had ever ran before. Audra was pretty pleased with herself. I had to laugh when she excitedly called her dad, exclaiming: “Daddy, Guess What?!?! I WON 9th PLACE!” As the kids crossed the finish line, they were handed a numbered popsicle to keep track of the top three runners in each race. I have no doubt that in true pack-rat style, she will keep the popsicle stick she got upon crossing the finish line – claiming it is “special” (which to her, of course, it is)

Our friends: I was privy to a pivotal moment for my friend and her kids – who willingly offers that her kids tend to squabble, and have the art of bugging, whining and pushing each others’ buttons down to an art form. (Although in public I have seen no great indication of this) Her daughter – much like Audra – is somewhat of a diva – and has never competed in anything requiring a similar level of exertion. Despite their daily differences, her brother took it upon himself to run the race with his sister, coaching and encouraging her every step of the way. (According to the kids, she was going to stop running, but her brother kept her moving) I missed witnessing this unforeseen display of sibling support, but even as a friend felt very moved at the pictures that so clearly showed proof of awesome (and unexpected) sibling support. I just know that if that were me, this day would go into my mommy memory banks as one of those moments to call forth when times get tough.

As for me, I find that there are little lessons and moments in every day if we take the time to notice them. I like knowing that if you polled all of us, our high points and memories of the day would all be quite different. From puking (and persevering), from 1st place to 9th place, in my mind, it was all good.

Like this:

Once upon a time, our little family of four did everything together (with the exception of when we went to work) Now, with time fast-forwarded only a few short years, increasingly often I find that we have moments of unplanned quiet in our house as our kids play with friends, or attend to their own growing social calendars.

A part of me loves the moments to myself, the freedom to be productive, or to relax. (until recently, neither of those two states were even a part of my parental vocabulary) Admittedly, giving up my freedom was the most challenging part of entering into motherhood for me, and now that I am getting a taste of it again, it is both tantalizing and scary.

It is scary because the other part of me cries out for time to slow down.

When I find myself guilty of fearing the passage of time, I feel like a toddler who is afraid to nap because of what might be missed. I feel a sense of panic, like I need to reach out and grab it, slow it down, internally yelling STOP, please!

Yesterday was one of those pivotal points in time. It was a wonderful day, but one that stretched my heartstrings to a new limit.

Our family went in three different directions, geographically and socially. Audra spent the day at a hallowe’en party followed by a sleepover with friends, while Dean and I had our own fun dressing up for a hallowe’en party, and spending the night away with friends.

However, it was Ethan was who pulled my heartstrings on this party-filled weekend. He spent the day in London, Ontario with friends (2.5 hours away! which was a very strange feeling, as up until yesterday, we’ve only been geographically far from our kids if they’ve been with family.) In this case, he was invited with his best friend’s family to go spend the day at the London biking velodrome. Being a non-biker myself, it took watching a video on it to truly glimpse what an awesome and unique experience this was. (There are only 3 velodromes in North America, and as I learned, the course banks up to 50 degrees and you are clipped into bikes without brakes… !!)

And so, knowing he would love it, and trusting the very capable family he was traveling with, my emotions were those of being stretched to let go just little more, mixed with excitement for this opportunity for him to do something altogether new. The selfish part of me cried: “I want to be there for all of those “first steps!”- but the realist in me was forced to acknowledge (yet again) that that wish is simply not realistic. My heart pangs for knowing that my baby boy was: a)far away, b) doing something new, c) doing something steeped in potential for injury, and most of all: doing it all without me there to witness it.

Today in particular, I am so proud of Ethan and the person he is becoming. I am so proud of how he takes on these new challenges – and of the unconscious current of courage and determination he has to so confidently step away and welcome new experiences.

And on my part, even though it challenges me, I am also proud of myself – because I think that by letting go bit by bit – especially when it’s hard – I am giving my children a clear message to embrace life, push past your fears, and just GO FOR IT.

The fact that I may hold my breath on the sidelines is a secret I will keep from them for just a little longer, although I am certain other moms (and dads) know EXACTLY what I mean.

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom.... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.