Glossary

Use these words in everyday conversations and blog comments to tewtelly impress! The Glossary was originally cultivated by Theo (with much help from Meg and Anna G. and E. Collison and Kasi and Jaypo and Francesca and Brinke and just too darn many folks to list, as this thing keeps growing. We promisch to keep eet updated, as our most peculiar way of communicating seems to have a life of its own. Moshe lof 2 allz!)

“Awwww” minus the hard consonants. Cute, yes, but…oh what the hell am I talking about?! Via IM with Meg, 6/10/2008: ‘Ahnnngh’ could be the spelling…also, ‘almost always accompanied by a head tilt’ (like Baroo.) SEE ALSO: “Outrrageous Frawnsh Occents.”

Barfing Rainbows

Derivative of “It’s like a Koala crapped a rainbow in my brain.” Probably. OK. Say you’ve just been dumped by your no-longer-significant other, you’ve got a new parking ticket, and you’ve dropped your fork (eek!) Things are grim, see. Miserably, you fire up the old com-pyoo-tor, hop on teh INTARWEBS — and poof! There’s your homepage, CuteOverload, and you promptly barf a rainbow. There, now, isn’t that better? (NOTE: This is not what I mean, yeesh…)

Baroo?

Dogspeak for “Whut the…?” Frequently accompanied by the Canine Tilt and/or wrinkled brow for enhanced effect. Occasionally, animals which are not dogs have been known to have this cute-ism ascribed to them, but this is never appropriate. Dogs just have the face for it, plain & simple. Cats don’t. Fish don’tUPDATE:Fish DO. Cockatiels? Please.

Not strictly a cute-ism, this is simply “chomp” a la Snoop Dogg. It must be a West Coast thing… still, since Rufus is clearly a playa of da highes’ orda (egad, did I just write that?) the term is applicable. For further clarification, you might consult the Snoop Dogg Translator, fka. Tha Shizzolator. SEE ALSO: “Cronshe.”

Comfterbuls

The ultimate position in comfort. Literally cannot be more comfortable. Always always always prefaced with the word “so.” Almost always used to describe the obvious.

Picture going to work every day at Cute Overload Headquarters. Picture it. I don’t mean “telecommuting” like we do now. Everyone in the place would be all the folks who post all the content and comments. We’d office in the Space Needle and every desk would be custom-designed to best fit the ergonomics & aesthetics of each individual, from hippo to hoomin to hammie. The in-house messaging system would consist of two teams: the Post-It Hummingbirds (for LAN communication) and the Pneumatic Hamsters (WAN; they’re without peer when it comes to navigating a series of tubes.)

There would be a Nap Lounge with plush yellow floor-pillows, shaped like giant ducks, as well as private hammock alcoves. Treats on Friday would include catnip, suet, T-bones, broccoli’s, Milanos, burger-cakes (no onion), Pocky…you name it. Everybody would play off everyone else. Our output would be sublime, poignant, hilarious, and absolutely irresistible. Nobody would understand how we’d ever get anything done, yet our particular productivity would be positively unparalleled. Peculiar. Incidentally, I have seen the future. I can do that. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it brief.

“Internet 2″ gets skipped over completely, because on April 1 of 2008, in the lower-left sock drawer of COHQ’s break room, “Internet 3” is born sentient in a litter of marmalade kittens. OMG MARMIES.

Eight weeks later, weaned on raw TCP/IP and the encrypted multi-lingual satellite traffic of three hundred nations, little Threebert is ready to begin broadcasting to the world, and the transmission goes live. Voice Of America and al-Jazeera are eclipsed within minutes. Fox News folds shortly thereafter, then CNN, and then–surprisingly–the stalwart BBC. Next pwnd are the AP newswire and other wire services, co-opted for our own un-devious purposes, along with the rest of worldwide media (although Animal Planet gets special consideration, because c’mon.) The Squee Heard ‘Round the World begins in downtown Tokyo at precisely 15:07 Zulu.

Days pass and Threeb’s reach broadens exponentially. The stock market goes “Baroo??” and is swept along with the powder-blue tide. Politics begins to lose relevance, subtly at first, but momentum quickly builds. The Google jumps on the bandwagon a week later, in a whirlwind merger based upon eminently compatiblephilosophies…and just like that, it’s over.

Back in the Dream Office, we’re all fantastically giddy, and somehow also embarrassingly wealthy. Threebert takes a sunbeam nap.

Earworm

Some of the nerdier folks among us might immediately think of the little mind-controlling grub from The Wrath of Khan. This is not that earworm, but it’s close. This is the one which implants the lyrical seeds of an impossible-to-ignore song (say, “Tie Me Kangaroo Down“) directly into your head, where you Can’t. Get it. OUT. Note: Some Cuteologists may be more guilty than others, re: the perpetrating of earworm assaults.

Not really a cute-ism (though this comes pretty close); included for convenience. More thorough explanation available via Wiki or the Urban Dictionary.

Lof

“Love” minus the…well, you get the idea. I do hope you’re not expecting a great deal of logic and rationality, here.

LOLrus

Wait–what? How did this get in here?? Um, anyway, we’re talking about a large aquatic mammal… and I mean EPIC…wut haz teh much funey but prolly can’t has bukkit. Also cud be lolphin, sea lol’ion, lol’bstarz, exetra. LOLz! (U see?)

Oh, and here’s an example of the feline version. MuzzlePOUCHES (or “muzzlepowsches”) are what gophers and chipmunks have, for carrying seeds in their cheeks. Rhymes with “mazel tov,” by the way…in fact, you can even use it to congratulate or bless someone with a jolly “Muzzle Puff!” SEE ALSO: “Whiskerpouches.”

Phleh…just thinking this word makes my teeth all wibbly. But anyway. First used to describe a hedgehog’s nose, I believe.

Nubule

This comes from honorary C.O. peep Shreve, of The Daily Coyote. I shall defer to her own explanation…“Nubule is not in the dictionary because it’s an invented word. I’ve been using it for years, so I forget it’s not an actual word. To me, it means a small, tiny, cute, little blob. The word nub (an actual word) means a small lump. Nubule is the personified, cuter version of that.” And there you have it.

Nuffingham (Nuff)

This is my sanity contraction of “Not-Cute-Enough-Ing-Ham,” though lately it’s mostly been shortened even further to “Nuffer” or simply “Nuff“. This is to say, a Nuff is a local variety of troll which only posts comments expressing how not-cute-enough any particular post is, to its (sadly limited) tastes. Waah, waah. Miz Thinker has a nice bit of doggerel to share with the class, on the subject. Plurals: Nuffs, Nuffers, Nuffinghamsters, Nuff’ams, Turdsifters, Go Make Your Own Damn Blog‘ers, Assbeefs.

Why does everybody assume this was us? This came from Slashdot, Peeps!…but yeah, OK, I’ll grant you it’s seen more than its share of exposure on Teh Qte™.
Picture this: You’re an exciteable citified ‘tween stuck in the backseat on a road trip to who-cares-where; you’re bored, frustrated, and staring out the window (dead batteries, y’know) when suddenly, between cornfields, you pass a horse pasture…

Well, there’s always these, of course; they’re somewhat cute in their own way. But on C.O., “peeps” sorta refers to the regulars, i.e. Cuteologists who can’t restrain themselves from commenting all the time. Like this dude. [Ahem.]

You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Theosmash. What IS it with some of you subgeniuses that makes you believe that just because the software exists, every photo you see on teh intarnets must therefore be FAKED? When you hear hoofbeats, how often do m*****f***ing zebras come galloping through your bedroom? Gahh!!! FOR YOUR EDIFICATION: This is ‘shopped; this is NOT. And while this was indeed corrected for poor lighting and camera quality, using The GIMP (as opposed to the very spendy Photoshop), the composition & content are 100% real.

Also known as the /. effect: When your B-List or C-List website/blog gets profiled and linked from A-List http://slashdot.org/, and the massive sudden influx of nerd traffic brings your server to its knees in a de-facto DDoS “attack,” then you’ve been Slashdotted. Fortunately, on April 1 of 2006, CuteOverload withstood its merry pounding without any traffic-related slowdowns, proving beyond all doubt that we were (and are) of A-List caliber. It was a day of purest geek lof and confusion.
(DISCLOSURE: Slashdot is another favorite blog site of mine. -Theo)

Snorgle (Snorg, Snarfle, Sqush, etc., etc., etc.)

Snort + Snuggle. Summarizes the situation when you moosh your face into a fuzzy wuzzy smoochie wiggle and make googoo noises. First appearance on Teh Qte™ was here. Try it with a hedgehog. (Wear snorgoggles.)

Snorglish

When every other word out of your mouth can be found in this Glossary, you’re speaking Snorglish. In 1337 (“LeetSpeak,”) it would be safe to say Teh Qte™ pwns j00. SEE ALSO: “Snorgle“

Simply put, it’s short for BUTtocks, and sounds cuter than “arse.” Also allows for a big ol’ meaty heap of wordplay.

Troll

This is Troll. Troll loves to make a pork arse of itself on CuteOverload with lots of naughty comments, but eventually, out of mercy, the Admin delivers a coup-de-ban.

Wah-wah

One of those little un-wolf-like (yet oddly proud) creatures from Mexico, which always remind me of Marty Feldman. In the “Cute or Sad” balance, I know which way my scale’s tipping. WARNING! Always be on your guard around these doglings. Two words: Napoleon Complex.

Bastardized version of “Little.” Totally outlawed, as this is clearly a ridiculous thing to say, and we can’t be having ridiculous. Far too cutesy-poo. Just stop it.

Wrinkular

(adj.) Describing the furrowed brow that usually accompanies a “baroo?” Can also be used to describe the coruscation’s of chubb folds.The puppeh’s wrinkular forehead is too much cute for one lone person to handle.Also, Wrinkularity: (n.) Wrinkliness which results in an instant cute reaction, i.e. a “squeee!” elicited from the observer.Please note the wrinkularity on this puppeh’s forehead, from which no darkness may escape, and its effect upon the average human, especially when combined with the softish muzzlepowshes nearby.

Onomatopoeia, based on 1950’s-era B-grade sci-fi movie sound effects. YEEMYEEMYEEMYEEMYEEM. It looks like simple camera-flash “redeye,” and that might be all it is…potentially…but then again, the eyebeams may be charging. Caution is counseled, cadets.