Tights cost like $5 for a multi-pack, so why, dear hipsters, are you still wearing the torn ones you have worn out the past several drunken nights? That first night when your skinny, emasculated boyfriend used all his might to accidentally push you into the bushes and rip them, should have been the last night you wore them.

I guess it all goes back to the first hipster commandment (paraphrased-for the full text see previous posts): Thou shalt look poor.