missing

Five months after starting down the D/s road… I feel positive about the change as I’ve said before. Reality is, though, I miss some stuff from before. I miss some freedoms I had that I don’t have now. There is always that chance when you make a drastic change in your lifestyle. I think its an acceptable loss for that I’m getting in trade.

I miss being able to touch myself freely. I miss being able to reach down and rub my clit at will… when it’s my idea… and not having to ask for it. Yes, I like asking for things but there’s something wonderful in having ability to do as you please. It is certainly something people, including me, take for granted. Something as simple as that. Go figure.

I miss being able to masturbate when the mood hits me without seeking out approval. Back in the old days (hehe), on my days off alone or after work on the weekends when I was alone… I would take advantage of that quiet time. I’d watch porn or read erotica. I’d let it build.. that arousal I enjoy so much. I wouldn’t touch… just let it grow. I’d let it go from a subtle tingle… to a full blown throbbing that cries out for attention. I’d wait until I couldn’t ignore the screams coming from deep inside of me.

When I’d finally give in…. it’d take next to no time to cum. I’d lay there in complete bliss… soaking up all the endorphins pulsing through my body. Sometimes I’d drift off to sleep momentarily… and awake feeling warm and fuzzy. Other times… I’d get up… not completely sated… and return to teasing my mind. Sometimes I would repeat this process three… four… or even five times. Sometimes I’d never find satisfaction and would be a huge ball of horny by the time Ben got home. I’m sure you can figure where that would lead to.

I miss taking the lead from time to time. I miss teasing him.. not allowing him to touch me… to touch his cock. I miss building that lust in him… that need to just take me. I’d tease him till he couldn’t take it… and the Dom in him wasn’t going be patient with me and my little game. I think he mostly humored me when I’d get a dominant streak… as rare as that may be. Though in retrospect, maybe I never was in control… only had a small illusion of it.

And now we’ve come to the end of my misses. The list is pretty small… I don’t miss much. I feel as though we’ve always been on the road to where we are now. It’s only natural to miss things in your past… its how you deal with those longings that makes a difference. I don’t feel the need to satisfy any of these… it’s really only a thought in passing. Something on my mind… kind of like reminiscing about old times in high school. Sure, they were fun… but I never want to be in high school again or relive those moments. They are memories… things I did… not what I do. I think it’s important to remember where you came from so that you can measure how much you’ve grown.

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2 Comments:

I miss those two things as well. (I’m glad I’m not the only one!) I miss them mostly when he’s not here, when I have time to fantasize and contemplate. But when he’s with me, those two things seem so inconsequential in the face of the rewards of D/s.

I like that you say, “I think it’s important to remember where you came from so that you can measure how much you’ve grown.” It’s useful to reflect and miss some things; it helps keep things in perspective.