Being only a stepmother to disrespectful kids

I don't have any biological children of my own I'm 39 years old and been married to a man for 2 years that have two children of his own by his ex-wife... the wife told the children to be ignorant and disrespectful to me to break us up.. the children told me that that is their goal when they are around me to cause conflict between me and my husband to break us up because their mother said they do not want to see their father happy. So I told them they are no longer allowed in our home until they could be respectful and apologize am I wrong for taking it out on the children even though they are 14 and 20 years old by not allowing them in our house until they could be respectful and apologize.. please help me out

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Neveramomalwaysastepmom - posted on 07/29/2016

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Thank you.. This hasn't been going on for 2yrs.. TG.. The youngest one is told to do it by her mother.. The youngest told us that her mother told her to anything to break us up because she doesn't want to see her father happy.. The youngest one went as far as to make up lie to try to get me in trouble or arrested... She know what she is doing is wrong but she wants to make her mother happy. Me and the youngest had a great relationship.. We did everything together.. She would make me crafts in school, call me and texted me all the time..We would volunteer and do projects together, bake and cook.. The mother got jealous.. Told the youngest that it make her sad that she wasn't home with her that she would rather be with me...IDk why she would be talking to her daughter that way it's terrible. BUT she told her she needs to break us(me and her father) up because that would make her mother happy again. We are afraid that she will get me arrested or in trouble.. We are afraid to have her around because she told us that is what she is supposed to do. I oldest one tells me to shut my mouth and she hates me.. She probably said it 5 times.. And her father said you are not going to disrespect my wife that way.. She said she could talk to me anyway she wants because she is 19..

Whether or not they come into the home isn't just up to you... it's up to their father as well. What does HE think/do about the disrespect? It is up to him to confront his children and either tolerate them disrespecting you or stick up for you and not tolerate their behavior. The 20 year old is old enough that if he/she does not behave in a respectful manner the father can certainly not allow him/her in the home... but the 14 year old is another story as there is likely still a current custody/visitation order to be enforced. That doesn't mean that the father has to let his child continue to disrespect you, but there should be consequences in place that do not eliminate the father's time w/ his child.

If their father has allowed this for 2 years and has not put a stop to it yet... your problem isn't w/ the ex or even w/ the children. It would be w/ your husband having so little respect for you that he allows his children to be disrespectful to his own wife.