Nursing Home Samus Main Found Skipping Bingo For Crossword Puzzles

At Autumn Oaks Nursing Home, a Samus player by the name of Walter Robertson was found in his room, skipping Bingo night. The man, typically known for his smooth and calculated Samus play, decided that Bingo was not cerebral enough for his advanced level of thinking.

“I don’t enjoy the pettiness of a game like Bingo when there are crossword puzzles to be done,” Robertson states as he fills out the word ‘acquiesce’ on his paper. “Bingo was made for fox mains and other button pressers who soiled their hands in their youth, wasting their potential.”

A researcher by the name of Dr. Marvin studied Robertson for three days, reporting that “the neurons in his brain seem to fire three times faster than the other residents. We think this is not due to the crossword puzzles, but due to his carefully calculated wavedashes back and his thoughtful up B’s out of shield. His love for crossword puzzles is the result of years of thoughtful Samus play.”

Robertson gave no more comments as he put down his crossword puzzle and picked up a book on tropospheric cumulonimbiform.