As I feel the pressure build up and pain ensues all I can focus on is the well being and comfort of the one within. Never mind my state of being, I know I will survive and brave this moment. But the one within; are they in distress, are they hurt or cramped, are they feeling ok?

I can tell the time is near when things that are, will be no more and a new reality will take over…several new realities. I know the death of who I am must occur as the surrendering to openness takes place for delivery. I do not fear this change but welcome it with open arms, mind, and most importantly heart.

I cannot express how fantastic, wonderful, awesome, a pleasure, a blessing, a privilege it is to be a mother to my two boys. (I say my but I know I don’t own them, I am only their steward while we are all here on Earth.) It’s an awesome fact to know that I along with so many others are connected by a common bond of motherhood.

The day a woman gives birth, 300,000 women around the world will be giving birth too, that is so empowering! (That statistic came from Birthing From Within, by Pam England and Dr. Rob Horowitz.)

Until you have children you never really realize how deep a capacity to love is humanly possible. I have two wondrous boys, an infant and a toddler who is quickly growing into an adolescent. Each day, in every smile, and through every word of love, these two boys increase the love I have for them. It’s absolutely amazing. I think that by allowing myself to be open to be the mother I need to be and grow in love for these children this increase of love is spilling over to the growing love I have for my husband. It’s a beautiful thing when you wake up or find something new to love a person for. To be truly grateful and honor your spouse is a treasure in itself.

Sunday, February 12th, marked my son’s first birthday by traditional standards. I like to mark the date of conception as the beginning of his life (in May he’ll be two years old). Today I thought back to this day one year ago and the events that lead to his birth. My water broke two days prior to his travel down the birth canal. I remember having to rent a breast pump on the twelth to start my contractions (all I thought I was having were “Braxton Hicks”). I wanted to leave my house soooo bad and be at the birthing center with my midwife, yet she told me to hold on. I wasn’t ready yet to make that trip.

In the late afternoon my friend and I went for a walk. By time we finished it was almost time to travel to the birthing center. The truck ride was the worst. There is nothing more uncomfortable than going through contractions in a confined space that you can’t really move around in. About an hour after we arrived (my friend and I) a son was born. Healthy and with rich lips, that was the first thing I noticed about him. The midwife had to ask me what sex the baby was. I was so in the moment, the sex of the child didn’t matter. God brought me into motherhood with a healthy infant in my arms. I was excited, overwhelmed, and thankful. God entrusted me with Aaron.