Friend Finds the Courage to Confront Peer Over Bad Mustache

In between classes in Minard Hall on Thursday at North Dakota State, controversy was struck as one friend finally worked up the courage to confront his freshman peer about the state of his “No Shave November.”

The clean-shaven friend, Dustin Phillips, told his recent scraggly friend, Jake Dupree, that his mustache was for sure “not what one would expect by this point” and, according to him and several of his friends, “pubic hair like.”

The kind gesture was followed up by a ride offer to Target.

Dupree had been growing out his facial hair for about a week before the start of November, hoping to get a head start, something that has apparently been no consolation.

“It’s just what we are expected to do, but I must face the facts; I can’t grow a righteous, trendy mustache.” Dupree told us, “When Dustin told me, I could tell by his tone he was serious.”

Phillips is a member of College Republicans, a self-professed straight shooter and a frequent grandmother caller. He sat down with us to show us his thought process behind his intervention.

“Tabitha (Dupree’s friend from class) told me that Jake has been growing out his mustache and that it was really bothering the fine folks in class … Of course, this being the Midwest, not very many people feel comfortable with confrontation, don’tcha know.”

This story would follow up the story of Samuel and Stacy Rivet who both confronted their son, Steven Rivet, over his food-filled beard during a visit home last week, and who could forget the 8th Street sheering incident from this Saturday.

The general question stands, is facial hair cool anymore?

We sat down with beard expect, Sally Reindeer.

“The biotin needed to maintain an appropriate ‘hipster trash’ beard now a day isn’t easy, nor cheap.” Reindeer, a spokesperson for American Supplemental, told us that the demand for biotin has grown steadily ever since Iron and Wine’s second album, but somewhere before Mumford and Son’s most recent visit to Minneapolis, it has started a decline.

“As we can see from our data, beards and facial hair are what we would like to say in the industry, not cool bro.”

Reindeer has also stated that ‘vaping’ is uncool now.

“I just wanted to be like everyone else and have a cool beard, but now I see that it just isn’t the time,” Dupree said. “I guess I just don’t have the ability to have facial hair.” Dupree told us that he is planning on shaving when he gets home tonight. He commented that although this was going to hurt, that he was ready to have his life back.

“I am ready to be my normal clean-shaven self. My mother approves of the shave as well.” Dupree’s situation will be reflected by other students who have braved the ridicule and have grown out their facial hair for “No Shave November.”

Luckily, there is a life after the fuzz and students will learn that in time. Reindeer suggests that the sooner they shave the sooner the healing process can begin. Reindeer also suggested that we make reform to the “No Shave November” rules and add a category for men who can’t grow out their facial hair: no bar of soap November.