Meta

I finally found a Batman Comic that makes me wants to beat my head against the wall. I will admit I haven’t finished Arkham City because I’m trying to finish all the side bullshit first, but I know how the game ends. And really, this is just some weird addition no one asked for. And it suck dick. And yes, that is my professional opinion.
The turning point where it went from kind of bad to just completely stupid is when Batman gets kicked in the balls by a mannequin with a TV Joker head. I will point out I loved those from the games, but really, it was just a token what the fuck. Batman, you would think, had learned not to get that close to anything attached to the Joker, after the last time when he was FUCKING STABBED WITH A NEEDLE FULL OF THE MAN’S BLOOD!
This one of those things that I really, really hate when people like to write Batman is this: that he is functional retarded when the plot needs him to be. That, is short, bullshit for this reason, DC has built this man up to be super intelligent, to the point that he can understand that maybe getting near something that was built by a man, WHO LAST TIME YOU RAN INTO HIM STABBED YOU WITH A NEEDLE FULL OF POISIN BLOOD, may not be a good idea. Unless Batman is drunk at this point in time, it makes no sense.
You know what is sad? I started reading it again, not because I wanted to, but because I messed up the cross stitch I was working on so bad I had to rip out all the stitches. That, folks, is not a point in its favor. That I had to stop the thing I was enjoying to spend more time on this piece of trash.
Why this comic just doesn’t work, is a simple reason. It’s too slow. And they were able to take a character, as fun, and as bad ass as the Joker and make him fucking boarding. There is a point where the Joker has talked about his plan to hide money in Gotham to cause chaos because people are trying to find it; and I was being for a root canal. I mean, really, the Joker, who could be hilariously terrifying, is just boarding. This is a character, who I feel, if he broke into your house he would either, A)Shot your grandmother, B)Eat your cat in front of you then leave, or C)Both, because it made sense to him at the time. And these people made him boarding. Holy Shit, I didn’t think that was possible. It would be one thing if you were trying to do that, but really, there is no reason for it. That and there is a subplot with Harelyquinn that goes nowhere. You could have cut it all the stuff with her and it would have made the same amount of sense.
I could also live my life happily without ever seeing Batman spray a naked Joker down with a fire hose. I don’t think a night of hard core drinking with get that out of my head.
And then there is this part where the Joker from beyond the grave tries to blow up Batman, and honestly, it doesn’t make any sense. I mean, there is no reason given why Batman is able to escape the explosion, he is just alive. Do you want to know what tricks he used to get out of it? SO THE FUCK WOULD I! Saying its because he is batman is not a good enough reason for me, you have to give me some way that he was able to get out of there. I got on JLI for this, having Batman just bugger off in a storyline is dropping the ball a little bit, but I get why they pulled him out of there. This is a batman comic were no one is worth paying attention too.
And this comic was 6.99. I’m mad I spent that much. It’s nowhere near what Arkham Unhinged is, where there are tight storylines and people trying to tell interesting tales. This was just, here is some bullshit that happened. Whatever. I know they already have my money, but every time DC does this, it makes me want to rip more things off my pull list. It is already turning into a Marvel list, and at the rate they are going I’m going to start dropping the things I do like, in fear that more comics will turn to shit. And I’m sure for a fact I’m not the only fan pulling this shit.
The art isn’t good. So it doesn’t even have that working out in its favor. The only thing that it does have is a panel that really just sums up the whole experience with it in two panels. You just have to remember that we are batman, and the comic is the Joker.

This is how we start the new year off, with a kick in the fucking balls. Great.

This isn’t the first Batman Comic I have read that was bad. Gotham Nights was pretty terrible, but it was still entraining, and I have the amount the fun that I thought I would. And I only spent 4 bucks on those and turned them into twoposting. This I could barely get through because it was pretty much unreadable. Gotham Nights I would at least suggest, because of the fun that it was, and so the nineties you could smell if off it.

Some things can’t be perfect. But this is damn close. And I am back to the batbeard damnit.

Yet again, taking the day off because I’m lazy but we all knew this. I will see you all next year! It was either this or how stupid the Man of Steel, Woman of Keelxe is. Mostly because you can defend it with the fact that Superman’s piss doesn’t destory toliets. If his piss can’t do that, I doubt his sperm can go through walls, fly, and inpregnat everyone woman in a five mile radius. ((What? I have read the damn thing, unlike I guess, the people at DC))

My Goal next year is to get more into Marvel, because, well, they seem to treat women better and I’m sick of waiting for DC to remove their heads from their asses.

There are two types of Batman that I love. The first one we have talked about before, which is Papa Bat, where someone has made a mistake of touching one of his babies, giving them a scrap on the knee, in which he must eat their face off to fix it. The second one, which is much rarely, and I love more, is the I –Don’t-Give-a-Fuck-Bat, which usually happens when either the situation is too stupid that even the Batman can’t look at without cracking a smile or he just doesn’t know how to react to it.
This brings me to Batman Ghost, which the legendary team Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale gave us, and hot damn it is wonderful; it’s what happens when the Batman meets Halloween and Charles Dickens! I don’t know really were to start this without saying, you want a fun batman story, this one is worth picking up.
It starts out with Bruce at a Halloween party, reminding himself why he isn’t a big fan of people when the penguins shows up because it is a bunch of rich people in Gotham. You would think that if you were rich, live in Gotham, you sure as fuck wouldn’t want to throw a party. I mean, look at what happens every time Bruce Wayne throws an event. Some crazy mother fucking comes out of the woodwork and decides to, at the very least, steal whatever you were a)selling, b) raising for charity, and/or c) the person you were throwing the party for. Anyways, Bruce Wayne gets kicked out of a window, which was high above Gotham City, Batman comes back throw the window, kicks ass, and the next shot is Batman walking home.

You fell out of a window that was a few stories up. Alfred is going to have to explain why you aren’t dead. Dick Move Batman, Dick Move.

Yea. The Penguin fight isn’t the point to this story. Oh no, it about the craziness that happens next. Though it is one of my favorite panels of all time in it.
So Bruce comes home and goes to bed, because, well, what else is he going to do? I know this doesn’t sound very exciting, but this sets up for one of the greatest things ever. Thomas Wayne shows up, in the role of the first Ghost of Halloween. He, like Jacob Marley, is the Harold for the other ghost of the evening. Why is this the Halloween Verison of the Christmas Carol? Because do you really see Batman learning about the meaning of Christmas, which is, FAMILY TOGETHERNESS? The Meaning of Halloween is, well, as best as I can guess after reading the whole thing is shut up and hand out candy. Then when you die people will remember who you are.

You can’t help but be a Dick, huh Batman?

Well the Ghost of Halloween Past shows up, who is poison Ivy, which leads into my next favorite joke. See, this ties back into the Don’t Give a Fuck. Batman doesn’t seems to understand or care what is going on. This is just a bunch to bulllshit to him, and he is just rolling with it. It is such a rare side of him that we get to see, which adds to the fun I think. I always enjoy seeing Bruce let his hair down. Anyways, they look over what happened in the past, where it is clear Thomas Wayne was a workaholic, which I always thought was a cheap way to go with that Character. I have always had a little bit of a problem of Batman coming from the worlds perfect family. I must have been one of the few people who liked Morrison’s version of Thomas Wayne from Batman RIP. I like the idea of Thomas Wayne isn’t there because he is working, but that he is in a Bar somewhere flinging Dollars at a Stripper. And Yes, I do have a bit of a shitty relationship with my father, why do you ask?
Anyways, we find that Bruce has always been a dick, and didn’t have friends as a kid. I don’t know what to think about this, beside it being a little sad and not really surprising. I sure Bruce as always been a little bit of a stick in the mud, and being every friend that he has admitted to having from childhood tried to kill him, Tommy Elliot anyone? ((Clearly a shitty Judge of character.)) There is also a part with Fox, as another Halloween in the past, IN FRANCE! Because WHY NOT!
The Next Ghost is the Joker, and my third panel that made me laugh out loud. This is just a fight between the Ghost Joker and Batman, which makes Batman looks like a little bitch, mostly because he doesn’t care that much, and fails to notice that he came downstairs in his PJ bottoms ((Fan service for Females, because, why the fuck not)) And is now in his batsuit, when the third Ghost shows up.
The third Ghost has no real character it is supposed to be, it is just the grim reaper, and shows Bruce his grave, in which he flips out and decides to hand candy out on Halloween so people would remember him. Yea, the story falls a little flat in the end, but it is fun read. But we will end on the best joke in this thing, because, well, why not. This is before he mets up with the Joker Ghost.

Tomorrow is my last final, and I have two papers due. My comic shop is also moving, so for two weeks now I haven’t been getting my comics. Plus I haven’t had time to read any of the comics I do have. I was hoping last week that I would have time, but alas, that didn’t happen.

I also am running into the problem, that for the most part, I don’t have much of a desire to read DC as of late. The constant life or death stuff that it feels like every issuse has is just old now. And the Subjection of Women is old, and I don’t want to beat on that again like a dead horse. And Superman has become the creepist motherfucker to me in their universe. ((Am I the only one who read him pretty much stalking both Diana and Lois in different comics? WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?)) Batman hasn’t had a break, having two events back to back, I don’t give a shit about Justice League any more and Wonder Woman has lost a lot of her appeal to me. I want to get into this a little deeper, and I promise that next week I will be back to poking fun and being my normal crazy self, so just bare with me.

And Marvel is just too good to make jokes about. Which was my point to making this blog….so I am a bit stuck at the moment.

It’s final week, and since I am having a hard time pulling myself away from studying. So I’m just going to talk about some of my favorite episodes of the Batman TAS. And if you haven’t seen it, go to YouTube and educate yourself. ((I have the first three box sets, like a boss.))

1)Catwalk- It’s a Catwoman episode were she decides to go back to thieving, thanks to scarface. I enjoy the TAS Catwoman a lot more than the one in the comics and I really can’t tell you why. I think it is because she is a little more compassion and more about helping others. So she comes off more as a foil to Batman than an enemy of his. I also like this episode because it does have Batman and Catwoman working together for most of it.

2.) Tyger, Tyger- It’s another Catwoman episode, where she is being turned into some kind of cat creature. I really like this one for the literature references, because any time that a kid’s show quotes William Blake, so it’s all good.

3.) Beware of the Gray Ghost- I just love Batman being a fan boy. That’s really it. And it is cute to see the little boy Bruce in the flashbacks with his dad. It gives us a real sense that Bruce really did lose something great. I don’t get the feeling in the new 52.

4.) Heart Of Ice- It’s the first Freeze episode. Batman beats him with a cup of chicken soup and you learn that Freeze is a victim just as bad as Nora is. The New 52 annual killed that, and it’s ashamed because now Freeze loses

5.) The Underwellers- This is one of the most depressing episodes ever. I didn’t care for it that much when I was a kid, but seeing it as an adult now, holy shit. Kids being forced to steal for an adult, and one of the very few times that we see Batman SUPER PISSED, so it is what it is.

It’s been a while since I have had time to play any game, and I jumped onto Arkham City because for the most part I had not much else to do. So yea, not to far into the game yet and there are a few questions that I have:

1.)WHEN THE FUCK DID HUGO STRANGE GET SO MUCH MOTHER FUCKING POWER? I mean really, He is able to grab Gotham City’s most rich and ever present person while he was talking agaisnt him. Yea, Bruce did something that some might see as illegal, but really, no trial, no jury, just a big fuck you, in you go. That is what you get for being you, you nice man you! WHERE IS THE US GOVERNMENT WHEN THIS SHIT IS GOING ON? Gotham is in the USA, and there are laws to protect people from this shit on the fed so there is no godamn way that the city, not even a state, pull this shit off. Hell, the whole idea would have the president going, THE FUCK

Okay…..

2.)And Catwoman has a line to Ivy about killing her plants that makes me want to know if Selina is just god damn retarded?

Remember this panel? From the tie in comic? From my funny panel friday?

This makes me giggle. I don’t know why. [Arkham Unhidged #7]

This is how Ivy ends up getting revenge on her for killing her plants. She kidnaps the man child that Selina sometimes sleeps with. Okay.

3.) The sandbox stuff is a bit annoying. I loved the hell out of Arkham Ayslum. I have replayed the hell out of that game so many times it isn’t funny. I either have, or am like two challeges away from prefect night, just to give you an idea. Why did I love that game? Because the storyline was pretty tight. This one doesn’t feel that way at all. It just feels all over the place and the sidemissions are annoying as shit, as I have read on line some of them have to be done before you finish the game. WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT ROCKSTAR? HOW DO I GET HUNDRED IF YOU DO THAT?

4.) I feel like they jammed in too much. And left out scarecrow. FUCK YOU HE WAS THE BEST PART OF THE FIRST GAME! I mean, those are my favorite parts to place. The first one scared the shit out of me my first play through. Here I was, in a dark room, in the middle of the night, and a voice starting saying, ‘YOU ARENT SUPPOSE TO BE HERE! YOU ARENT SUPPOSE TO BE HERE!” I damn near shat myself. It was such a flip I had no idea what was going on. No second round? Why should I play?

5.)The Menus suck.

So there. Only a few hours in on the game so look for ranting updates because I just didn’t feel like going through comics today.