Winless Condors Play For Pride, Candy

By Coma News Staff
The winless 6- to 8-year-old Coma Condors football team will play hard in their final game this Saturday for pride and bags of candy, according to the coach.
“You guys gotta reach down deep and find the strength–Kyle, stop sucking your thumb!” Jax Owen, one of the team’s coaches said when addressing the team at Monday’s practice.
Owen said the team’s winless record is “embarrassing” and the other pee-wee league coaches have been “pretty mean” to him about it.Sadie Cracker, Condor team mom, said she hopes that the promise of a bag of candy may help motivate the team to victory.

“We’ve tried stern speeches from their coaches, embarrassment from the scores and basically pleading with these kids to play harder but it’s possible that candy has the best chance of getting through to six-year-olds,” she said.
Jimmy Cracker blamed the team’s last loss against the undefeated Bealsville Barracudas on a bee.
“It almost stunk me,” he said.