Fresh Intelligence: East Coast Braces for Blizzard, U.S. Cries for Bernie, and More

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These New York firefighters are just stocking up on salt, but we'll all get a crack at the real thing soon enough.Photo: Bryan Thomas/2016 Getty Images

Good morning and welcome to Fresh Intelligence, our roundup of the stories, ideas, and memes you’ll be talking about today. In this edition we prepare for an icy weekend, a Bernie Sanders music video warms America’s heart, and a cow almost escapes his destiny. Here’s the rundown for Friday, January22.

WEATHERWinter Storm Jonas is almost here! D.C. is set to get the worst of it, with the storm kicking off this afternoon, while New Yorkers can expect snow to appear on Saturday morning and carry on through the weekend. Serious thunderstorms are expected in Mississippi and Louisiana, and a tornado watch is in effect. Be safe everyone! [Weather.com]

FRONTPAGE East Coast Freak-out: Winter Becomes Winterlike The East Coast is rushing to prepare for Winter Storm Jonas: Shelves are stripped in D.C., and across the eastern seaboard hundreds of flights have already been canceled. The D.C. Metro will be suspended for the duration of the storm, but in New York the subway should continue running. Mayor de Blasio said this won’t be like last year, when he found out Governor Cuomo was shutting down the subway from a TV news report. “The lack of coordination was a real problem, and obviously decisions should have been different,” he said. “But this time there’s going to be a lot more communication and coordination.” Speaking of coordination, there’s still time to pick up that case of beer, but you’d better hurry. [Weather.com, NYT]

EARLYANDOFTEN Americans Cry Over Bernie Video, Don’t Know Why New ads from the front-running Democratic candidates have brought their differences into sharp relief. Specifically, Hillary feels she is qualified for the difficult, complex job of running the country, and Bernie — well, Bernie really digs the song “America” by Simon and Garfunkel. He finds it very calming after a long day of shouting about pretty mucheverything.

Iowa Family Dinners Extremely Tense A new poll has both Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders heading into the Iowa primaries with commanding leads. The CNN/ORC poll released yesterday shows Trump leading Cruz 37 percent to 26 percent, and Sanders leading Clinton 51 percent to 43 percent. [CNN]

Obama on Flint: Being Forced to Drink Poison Un-AmericanDuring a speech at a reception for mayors at the White House yesterday, the president touched on the growing controversy in Flint, Michigan, saying the situation was unacceptable. He then announced the resignation of the Environmental Protection Agency boss for Flint, and pledged $80 million to Michigan to shore up their water infrastructure. See? That wasn’t so hard. [CNN]

Graham Endorses Random American Who Is Not Trump or CruzAn understandably gloomy Lindsay Graham told reporters yesterday that a nomination for either Trump or Cruz would spell the death of the Republican Party. He compared choosing between the two front-runners to “being shot or poisoned” and instead suggested the country “just pick somebody out of the phone book.” [USA Today]

THESTREET, THEVALLEYWalmart Back to Old SelfJust a day after announcing company-wide raises for millions of employees, the familiar Walmart was back in the news for illegally firing workers who protested in front of its headquarters. The company was also found to have fired employees at 29 stores for unexcused absences after refusing them permission to strike. The retail giant must now host meetings in those stores, reminding workers of their right to strike. [WSJ]

Airline Saves Up All Those Fees, Splurges on PlanesUnited Airlines, one of the worst-rated carriers in America, is updating its fleet with a purchase of 40 new 737s. The purchase affected the company’s earnings report out yesterday, which fell below analysts’ expectations. United still managed to have its most profitable quarter ever, earning $934 million. Remember that next time they’re charging you for a blanket. [CNN]

Google Pays Apple for Right to ExistA lawsuit between Oracle and Google has shined a light on the company’s infamously mysterious finances. Among the big reveals is the news that Google paid Apple more than $1 billion in 2014 to keep its search bar on the iPhone. Yahoo, you never stood a chance. [Bloomberg]

Starbucks Slowdown Blamed on TerroristsStarbucks released its second-quarter profits yesterday and blamed its disappointing international growth in part on the terrorist attack in Paris. Though domestic growth beat forecasts, the company underperformed abroad, especially in the Middle East and Africa. Starbucks recently closed 50 stores temporarily after an outlet in Jakarta was targeted in a terrorist attack. [Bloomberg]

MEDIABUBBLE
Twyla Tharp Ex, Steve Jobs Widow Team Up
Rumors that editor Leon Wieseltier was preparing to buy the The New Republic after Facebook founder Chris Hughes abandoned it were a bit off-base. Wieseltier is instead planning to team up with Laurene Powell Jobs — of Steve Jobs marrying fame — to start a new journal. Tech money will save journalism yet, you’ll see. [Daily Intelligencer]

Fox News Obsessed With Benghazi Movie, TooFox News spent nearly three hours hyping 13 Hours, the new Michael Bay action blockbuster based on the real tragedy in Benghazi. Now Bay just needs to find a Trump tie-in for Transformers 5. [Media Matters]

Millions Clearly Haven’t Seen NarcosRecent boasts by Netflix executives aren’t backed up by the numbers. Adweek released data yesterday from Symphony Advanced Media showing streaming services trail broadcast television by millions of viewers. Oh, but the data counts DVRs, on demand, and broadcast shows watched on streaming services as part of broadcast television. TV, you’re still doomed. [Adweek]

PHOTOOP Queens Moo-rauder Caught Police responded to a cow on the loose in Queens yesterday after the freedom-loving animal reportedly escaped from a nearby halal slaughterhouse. The unnamed cow enjoyed a few moments of freedom along Jamaica Avenue before it was recaptured by police. In a tweet the police announced that all officers were safe, totally misreading ourallegiance.

Yes, you heard right! Cow on the loose-Jamaica Queens.All Officers safe.No injuries.Thank you all for your patience. pic.twitter.com/A1kGV85fUP

MORNINGMEMESometimes They’re Not After You, You’re Just Paranoid (and High)Though it happened a year ago, this great 911 call was only made public yesterday. It really makes you feel like you have your lifetogether.

OTHERLOCALNEWSTip of the Day: Don’t Skimp on the Getaway DriverA burglar in Alaska might have gotten away with robbing two businesses yesterday had he not locked his keys in his car. He was apprehended after he gave his personal information to the taxi company he called to rescue him. [ABC]

Man’s Dying Wish: Anybody But TrumpThe obituary for 65-year-old chiropractor Jeffrey Cohen published in the Pittsburgh Gazette closed with the line, “Jeffrey would ask that in lieu of flowers, please do not vote for Donald Trump.” The number of tributes to Cohen should be huge. [The Wrap]

HAPPENINGTODAY Weather, Possible Signs From Above, Can’t Stop Protesters The annual March for Life anti-abortion rally will go ahead tomorrow as scheduled despite the blizzard set to bear down on it. Thousands of pro-lifers are expected for the march up Capitol Hill. [WaPo]