Thursday, August 21, 2008

Summer group is over and it is really hard to realize that I won't be seeing any of my kids from group anymore. This job has been the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I can't even express in words how much I have loved it, and how much it has changed me. My whole perspective on life has changed because of the kids that I have been able to spend time with this summer. I wish that I could just take some of them home, they hold such a special place in my heart, and I know that some of them are in really bad living situations. But I know that this wish can never come true for me, and that the only thing I have to offer these kids is my friendship and my time, but somehow that has to be enough. I cant fix my kids, I can't fix their problems and I definitely can't fix their parents, or take them away from the very people who should love them and take care of them, but who in reality don't give a crap about them. It's taken me a while to accept that fact that the only thing I can give them is my love, my attention and most importantly my time; it has to be enough. There were several times throughout the summer where I questioned whether or not I was making a difference to those kids, and sometimes it was really hard, but for every hard time there was, I can think of at least three or four good times I had with the kids. They changed my life, and I hope that in some small way I changed theirs. I don't know if I will ever find out what kind of influence I had on any of them, but that is okay, I am just going to take what I have learned and remember all the awesome experiences I had with my kids.

Well I know this is really out of the blue, but I turned in my mission papers about a week and a half ago. This whole process has been very different from what I thought it would be, and it's actually been alot harder then I ever imagined it would be, but I know that I am doing the right thing and that's what I am counting on to get me through any doubts or fears that I have about it. Right now it's hard because I'm just waiting to see where I will get called to and I'm really not feeling much of anything to be completely honest. I'm not super stoked or super excited right now, which is weird. If you know me very well, you would know that I have always been so adamant about serving a mission and it's always been one of my biggest dreams in life. Well now that dream is turning into a reality, and I feel like instead of it being this sweet, amazing thing that I have always wanted, it feels like I am making a mature decision about it. Sometimes I wonder whether or not my somewhat lack of excitement means I am making a wrong decision, but I honestly don't feel that's the case (if you can't tell, I've been keeping all of this inside me for a while, and I need to talk myself through it. . . so enjoy this plunge into Stacie's head for a second!). I think I am just apprehensive about where I will be spending the next 18 months of my life, and once I find out when and where I'll be going, then I will be more excited about it. So that's about the jist of it. I am going to be serving a mission soon! But before that I have to go to another semester of doom up at BYU. . .

I'm really not looking forward to the schedule I have lined up for this next semester, but I have to get these classes out of the way or else I'll prolong my future graduation and the freedom that comes with no more math classes at BYU!!! It will be an amazing day of glory, and I can't wait for it! But for now, I am just going to enjoy the last week that I have at home. . . the end!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Well as I said before I didn't know whether or not I would keep up my blog, and obviously I haven't very well this summer! I will try to do better, but I can't make any promises. This summer has been very fun though! I love my job so much (sounds weird I know!). It's the coolest thing in the world to go to work and spend time with these kids. Most of them have been abused or neglected in some form or another, and sometimes they can be pretty difficult, but overall they are just awesome!

Other good news is that my sister is going to have a baby!!! I'm so dang excited about that!!!! She just found out the other day that she will be having a little baby boy, and hopefully they don't name him Hudson. . . that is what Whit wants to call him and I don't think it's very cute!

Mostly life is just good and I'm trying to live it up now because school is going to be starting again in about a month.