friday, september 21

The Japanese writing system is broken down into three separate, complete, and insane, parts: Hiragana (“those squiggily letters”), Katakana (“those boxy letters”) and Kanji (“roughly 4 million embodiments of your worst nightmares”). Hiragana were devloped by having a bunch of completely blind, deaf, and dumb Japanese people scribble things on pieces of paper while having no idea why they were doing so.

The bottom line is thatPoliteness Levels are completely beyond your understanding, so don’t even try. Just resign yourself to talking like a little girl for the rest of your life and hope to God that no one beats you up.

Let’s examine the differences between Japanese and English grammar.

English Sentence:
Jane went to the school.

Same Sentence In Japanese:
School Jane To Went Monkey Apple Carbeurator.

Japanese grammer is not for the faint of heart or weak of mind. What’s more, the Japanese also do not have any words for “me”, “them”, “him, or “her” that anyone could use without being incredibly insulting (the Japanese word for “you”, for example, when written in kanji, translates to”I hope a monkey scratches your face off”).

Sloppiness is not tolerated in Japanese society, and someone with a small wrinkle in their shirt, which they thought they could hide by wearing a hooded sweatshirt over it (possibly emblazoned with a catchy english phrase like “Spread Beaver, Violence Jack-Off!”), will be promptly beaten to death with tiny cellular phones.