Friday, October 08, 2004

University of Alabama Football Report for 10/08/04

"The first one was a matter of not seeing the defender. The second one was just a bad decision on my part."

Alabama quarterback Marc Guillon, on his two interceptions vs. South Carolina

"I was kind of surprised."

Alabama quarterback Marc Guillon, on being benched for the second half

One thing’s for sure. Marc Guillon may not be a one-in-a-million quarterback, but he’s at least 1 in 83,000 because he was the only person in Bryant-Denny Stadium last Saturday who didn’t see that coming.

But, to be fair, blindness was Guillon’s specialty last week. Safeties, linebackers, long snaps, open receivers – all may belong to the parable of the blind. Perhaps it’s nitpicking, but wouldn’t “not seeing the defender” count as a bad decision, too?

Coach Shula also has marks on that scorecard. Is he trying to be funny when, after offering up to entropy Our Blessed Saint of Rainbow City time and time again, he finally pulls a QB from the game at the half? Apparently he didn’t get the memo from Dave Eggers that sincerity is the new irony.

So it’s a blessing to play Kentucky this week, Kentucky, who lost to Ohio, better known by their proper name: Ohio-not-Ohio-State-Ohio; Kentucky, a basketball school; Kentucky, one hair’s breadth better than Vanderbilt; Kentucky, so unthreatening a program that I drink your bourbon without qualm; Kentucky, a respirator for Old South gentility; Kentucky, the crosshatching of great horses, great music, great alcohol, and dependably bad football. Kentucky, I cheer for you. Kentucky, I beg of you: Please lose.

And while losing to U of ONOSO should make the Wildcats a guaranteed W, the Bird Dawg and his devious computer have laid a seductive less-than-touchdown spread. I pray this is so much money-bait, but who can be certain with the Californian under center?