Semi-modest gowns and suits prevailed at Sunday night’s Grammys. Fortunately, Mavis Staples, Prince, and the Lumineers were apparently able to make last-minute wardrobe changes after learning that “thong type costume[s]” were banned by CBS via a graphic wardrobe memo. Unfortunately, the phrasing of the missive was so cringe-worthingly detailed that if viewers weren’t coaxed into seizure by Taylor Swift’s circus-style “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” opener, their subconscious was likely directing them to pay heightened attention to Katy Perry’s vacuum-packed “curvatures” and Rihanna’s sheer-topped Azzedine Alaïa gown. If not by their subconscious, by the many dress-code violation rundowns provided by outlets as varied as Reuters, The Washington Times, MSN, The Telegraph, E!, and Extra.

Nicole Kidman—Oscar winner, wife of Keith Urban, and inspiration for at least one charming Grammy mom-dance GIF—admitted to lining her Vera Wang to adhere to the rules. Jennifer Lopez flagrantly skirted the dress code in an Anthony Vaccarello gown that was slit to her pelvis. “As you can see, I read the memo,” the presenter proudly told the Staples Center audience. Earlier, she elaborated, “They said nothing about the legs! I thought I was being such a good girl!” Beyoncé traded her S&M-style Super Bowl–wear for a Mod jumpsuit by Osman. The incomparable Adele Fräulein Maria-ed herself a tea dress from red floral drapes. And Prince, the M.V.A. (most valuable accessorizer of the night) settled for a sensible black hoodie, bib necklace, and silver cane combination.

Amidst the whimsical costumes and the sensually numbing performances—an overpowering combination that comedian Alex Bragg aptly likened to a “big long argument between Futuristic Glitter Aliens and Old-Timey Saloon Owners”—Grammys were awarded. Mumford & Sons won album of the year (for Babel), Gotye won record of the year (for Somebody That I Used to Know, featuring Kimbra), the Black Keys won rock album of the year (for El Camino), and fun. won in the song and best-new-artist categories. (For a complete list of the winners, visit the Grammy Web site.) Meanwhile, Taylor Swift did not win in either of her categories, but she did successfully incorporate a mid-performance dig at her most recent ex, Harry Styles.

In terms of notable absences, Lady Gaga was not in attendance this year to contribute to the colorful Staples Center landscape. The non-nominated Justin Bieber was elsewhere recovering from his Saturday Night Livehosting gig. Another missing player during Sunday’s event: comedy. Returning host L.L. Cool J seems lovely, but at what point did the Grammys give up on even attempting humor? Instead of jokes, the rapper kicked off the show by recapping his own Grammy history and announcing that he was recycling the rambling intro that he had written for last year’s ceremony. As if to punish him for the joyless opener, Grammy producers cut his closing performance short, throwing to a montage of the show’s sponsors. Aside from briefly turning the telecast a drab sepia tone during Justin Timberlake’s “Suit and Tie” performance, and opting to not cover Katy Perry in a shawl before presenting, it was the producers’ most risqué choice of the night.