Dec 21, 2011

Rock On, Son, Rock On!

#Challenge: I’ve heard it said that we don’t love someone
because of who they are, but in spite
of who they are. Think about the people
who truly love you – isn’t it so? Dads
tend to be task oriented, results focused.
We have to be careful though. Our gender sometimes causes us to focus on the performance of our children. If
your love appears to be a conditional, because of kind of love what happens when your child falls short of
expectations? Does your love go away?

#HeadGear: My dad was a very smart man. He was a preacher in his 20s, 30s, and 40s
and then, due to the same
hearing problems I have, he was a carpenter the rest of his life. He was an avid reader and could cipher the
pitch of a roof in a flash, but he never got bogged down in paperwork and
administrative things. On one visit to
Mom & Dad’s, I realized how far apart our work-a-day worlds were. In my 20s, I managed a $5million advertising
agency / film production company. During
the visit, I reviewed a hundred or so pages of monthly General Ledger entries
for the company as Dad sat in his designated DadChair and just shook his head. I couldn’t have been doing anything more
foreign to him.

I thought of that scene this week when my musician son handed
me a page of new song lyrics. No, I
didn’t think of that scene, I relived
that scene… only now I was my dad and my son was me. The lyrics were very well written and came
from a place of passion within him, but “I don’t do poetry”. I don’t get the allegory and metaphor of it
all. Just sing “boom goes the dynamite”
and be done with it.

In my sleep that night, I worked out “It’s not about the
process, it’s about the product.” Waking
up, I knew I wasn’t there yet. “It’s about the producer.” When I got in my car with my General Ledger
and drove away from my parents’ West Texas home, they didn’t say to each other,
“There goes our little business manager.”
When I read my son’s lyrics, I didn’t think, “Wow, he can sure write
some pretty words.” A healthy dad’s view
of his children is not anchored in what they accomplish, it’s based on who they
are and how they’re working to contribute to the world. People love hearing my son’s band perform the
songs he writes. He gives joy, and (somehow)
encouragement, to others. I don’t have
to understand a single syllable of his lyrics on that paper to be proud of him. I was proud of him when the paper was still
blank.

#ManUp: In Championship Fathering, Carey Casey lays
out three fundamentals behaviors of a championship dad: loving, coaching,
modeling. We’ve got to get that first
one right. At Fathers.com there is a
great section of resources on how to work on your Loving skills. Please scan the list of articles and continue
growing as the Loving Dad your child needs.
While you’re at it, let’s hit the practice field and apply this
fundamental. What can you do TODAY to
affirm your child for the person they are, not just for what they do? A purposeful conversation or a handwritten
note would go a long way toward expressing real love. Or you could go to a rock concert. Hmmm… where did I put my notecards?

#SoundOff: Loving Dads, how do you get it done? What act of affirmation have you found
meaningful to your child. Pipe up on Facebook or leave a comment here. I’d
love to know what works for you.