A life lived in the feminine. Hear my tales.

It’s very hard to break the cycle of negativity … especially if you don’t even realize you’re in it. When we get in a funk or feel hopeless, the thoughts tend to generate so rapidly that it can be a slippery situation to get out of. Suddenly, everything looks really bleak and one bad thing just proceeds to the next. Stepping out of that dark cloud could feel impossible.

But, we all feel negative, sad or dark at times. This is part of our humanity and normal.

Peter J. Economou, Ph.D., ABPP- Board Certified Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy, also known as Dr. Pete, shares that “Research tells us that most of us have negative thoughts— in fact, the majority of our thoughts are negative, so working on accepting them helps people develop a healthier relationship with these thoughts so that they don’t impact the behavior. I like to think of those negative thoughts as passengers on the bus, rather than the bus driver. So, how do we accept these thoughts and cycles, while committing to healthier and more peaceful living? That is key.”

You’ve decided to breastfeed even before the baby arrives, and so there you are shopping for nursing bras. Everything seems so exciting. You’ve “estimated your size” and feel you’ll have plenty of room once your milk comes in. Life is swell.

Then the baby comes.

After the baby gets here, your milk arrives shortly thereafter — unless it takes a hot minute, which can happen — and then everything is totally different than you imagined.

Here are the seven stages of breastfeeding — the good, the bad, and the ugly — that no one else will tell you about.

The ‘oh crap, my nursing bras are too small!’ stage

You thought you sized correctly but you didn’t, and the bras don’t fit. You can barely squeeze a nipple in that vaguely ’80s bra with unnecessary flowers and other grandmotherly details.

contain yourself in the Band-Aids — I mean, the nursing bras — you bought.

The forties are the “me” decade. You awkwardly stumbled, twirled and partially danced through your twenties. Gained your footing and planted seeds for your life in your thirties. In your forties, the roots are growing and you stand tall.

But the decade doesn’t come without its bumps and bruises, of course.

I’m not a doctor or therapist, so I can’t offer any medical advice, and I know that everyone will have a different experience. But the forties may bring about some of these changes for you whether emotionally, or physically.

The blatant defiance. The haughty confidence. The absolute adorableness, despite those two horrendous flaws. The look of pure stress and frustration on a parent’s face. The tactful negotiations that ensue over even the smallest situations like, “Who’s going to press the elevator button?”

Clearly, the PR campaign for the Terrible Twos was false and simply serving as a distraction and deterrent from you realizing that the Threes are a hell of a lot worse, for there is no one more infuriating, stubborn, or adorable than a 3-year-old. The cojones these children have and their pure drive is almost inspiring — and definitely crazy.

Here are just five things 3-year-olds think they can do versus what they can actually do:

Drive a Car vs. Cut Off Your Toe With a Little Tikes Vehicle

When my daughter was 3, she told me vehemently, “I’m going to get in the car and drive to where I wanna go!”

I laughed (which she did not like) and said, “You go ahead and try,” knowing reaching the pedals wasn’t even a remote possibility. Of course, I didn’t give her the keys.

As you’re swiping, scoping or chatting with potential partners, I bet the first two things that strike you are:

The person’s looks

The person’s attitude

After you’ve assessed those two basic things, you drill down into the nitty gritty– especially if you’re a single parent dating:

Do they have kids? If yes, do they see them often. If no, do they want kids?

Were they married? Do they want to get married again?

What do they do for work?

What’s the person’s lifestyle like?

What are the person’s goals for the next year or so?

Where do they live? Is it far from you? Do they live on their own or with other people?

All of these things give you an idea of whether you’ll want to date them– or not. And truly, they are all important factors but after it’s all said and done and you’ve found someone who fits the bill on all of the previously mentioned factors– consider this one single most important thing you should look for in a partner:

And now, you’ve got more financial responsibilities on your shoulders. While your life has unraveled, it’s now time for you to get it all buttoned up and particularly, with your career.

Believe it or not, your divorce could be the launching pad you need to either totally revamp your career or start one altogether. Even though it’s a time of crisis, it is a time of renewal and a time to focus on you and your life path for at least the next 1-10 years.

So, how will you get your career off the ground or, shined and polished up? With a bit of networking and strategy, that’s how:

GET THE TOOLS

Before you start networking like a fiend, you need to know what tools you’ll need to make your career blast off.

Is it:

More education? Do you need to go back to school? If so, can you take out loans? Can you set aside any money weekly? What about your assets? Can you sell your engagement ring, wedding band or marital jewelry to help fund this endeavor?

A better resume? Do you need to invest in a resume writer? Perhaps you need two separate resumes or more—in order to nail down the position you want, you may have to test out a few resumes.

A job switch? Do you have to leave your current job altogether to get to where you want to go? Or, could you move up or laterally in the company? Consider your “directionality.”

Married life is great if you’re happy but of course, it’s not the same type of love as when you first met. So, it’s not unusual for your married friends to be curious and eager to chat about your dating life simply because it’s interesting (or so they think) and exciting compared to a date night with their partners.

There is definitely a clear difference in the conversations around dating when I talk with a divorced person vs. a married person. The divorced person already knows or has a gist of the reality you face whereas the married person has ideas about it that are either rooted in fantasy or perhaps, horror!

At the end of it all, your married friends want to see you happy and loved—whether it’s self-love from you or coupled love with someone else. Truly, at the bottom of all their curious and nosy questions, there is a love that radiates to you hoping for your happiness. Remember—these were the people who most likely saw you at your very worst in your marriage: unhappy and brokenhearted.

One of the reasons I am single is that I haven’t met someone who I would choose and who would choose me, to be with, each and every morning.

Really, being in a relationship means waking up and deciding— “Yeah man, I’ll be with you for another day because it makes me happy and I can’t imagine not being with you. “

We all deserve that person who chooses to be with us when he or she wakes up. Who turns to us and thinks, “You make my life pretty damn good, you know that?”

We don’t need someone who kinda sorta likes us. We don’t need someone who is with us because he or she is afraid of being alone, bored, lonely, needy or looking for a financial meal ticket or source of stability.

I’d love a real tropical vacation, complete with hot cabana boy and a lot of girly mixed drinks, but unfortunately, it’s not in my budget. I’m sure many of you can relate: you’re jonesing for a vacay, but your budget screams “Don’t even splurge on that mani-pedi for a few weeks.”

But this doesn’t mean that you can’t relish and delight in the relaxation that the summer heat screams. I know it’s not the same as an island or a European tour or Iceland cruise, but you can take these 7 mental vacations to really capitalize on the summer sunshine and get yourself (and your perspective) refreshed.