A Jewish Woman's Journey Through Infertility

Shabbos – my peaceful island

Shabbos is almost here, my peaceful island of sanity. This is the Shabbos before Tisha B’Av, a time according to Chassidic thought where we should try to visualize the 3rd Beis Hamikdash. It is even better if we see the future Beis Hamikdash in our dreams. This Shabbos will also be a great time to study anything about the Third Temple. I feel a sense of peace with the approach of Shabbos despite the hectic last minute preparations. This morning I spent an hour mixing the ingredients for challah and forming the dough. Tried to focus on Hashem in the process as part of my concerted effort to bring in extra kiddusha (holiness) into my challah dough. Once the challah finishes rising, I will then separate the challah and engage in davening (praying) for me, my husband, us to become pregnant, and for all Jewish women struggling through infertility. My usual prayer. What if I added a prayer for mothers and fathers – for their children to give them lots of nachas, for the parents’ parnasas (livelihood), and for their children to grow up clinging to Hashem and His Torah with all their might.

I stare at my silver candlestick, shining so brightly because of the polish that I had administered earlier in the week. Soon I will place my candles lovingly in each slot. I look forward to candle lighting when the gates of Shamayim (Heaven) are open to our heartfelt tefiloth (prayers). Soon my prayers will join those of countless Jewish women in the same time zone as myself. May our Shabbos light illuminate our homes from erev Shabbos to erev Shabbos just like Sarah imanu.