By now, every mother in the country has surely heard about the TIME Magazine cover which asks us if we’re “mom enough.” This cover image, and the article inside the magazine, have been accused of fanning the flames of the “mommy wars” and pitting women against each other. But here’s the thing: If you are female and have had a child, have adopted a child, or have raised a child, you are a mother. None of us, whether we breastfeed or co-sleep or homeschool or not, can claim to be “more mother” than someone else. There is no ranking system of motherhood. There is just a definition.

The good news is, most of us have decried that cover as being inflammatory, silly and unproductive.

The political world has its own version of “mom enough.” I call it the “Are you American enough?” war. You hear this name-calling all the time. “If you support that, you’re not a real American.” “We need a real American to fix this problem!” “I’m so glad to be here today with all you real Americans!”

One of my favorite “real American” quotes comes from Robin Hayes, a Republican Representative from North Carolina. “Liberals hate real Americans that work and accomplish and achieve and believe in God,” he proclaimed. It brings up all kinds of identity crisis issues for me. I mean, I’m a liberal. But I also work and accomplish and achieve and believe in God. And I’m American. Does this mean I hate myself? Or am I not a real American, despite my having been born here? Or maybe am I incorrect in labeling myself a liberal, because I work hard and believe in God? Help me, Robin Hayes, my head is spinning from confusion!

Now, I don’t have time to analyze every political speech ever made to search for the phrase, but I have a feeling it is conservatives who are most often parading under the “real American” flag. They have claimed (and us Democrats have let them get away with it) the “We’re the REAL Americans” mantra, and they aren’t afraid to use it. Heck, Sarah Palin loves that phrase so much she even hosted a TV show about it.

I’ve got some news for those who like to twist and abuse this phrase. The definition of “American” is really simple. It is someone who is a native or a citizen of America. That’s all. There is nothing about the Constitution or driving a pickup truck or flying a flag or going to church or even patriotism anywhere in there. Now that we know there are only two qualifications for being an American, let’s clear up a few things.

You don’t have to think our country is the best at everything to be a real American. Because it is not. We don’t have the best educational system or the best health care system or even the most competitive economy. We do a lot of stuff really well here in America, but we do a lot of stuff really poorly, too. We’re good, but we are certainly not the best at everything. Recognizing that does not make you un-American. It just makes you a realist.

You don’t have to be Caucasian to be a real American. In fact, the majority of children born here these days are members of a minority. The face of America is changing, and it looks nothing like our Founding Fathers. It looks like people from Mexico and Ghana and China and Turkey. It looks like the melting pot we were once proud to be.

You don’t have to live in the heartland to be a real American. You hear people making fun of “flyover country” all the time. Those snobby East and West-Coasters supposedly think middle America is a place with no culture and no taste. But conservative politicians love to pander to this part of the country. According to them, real Americans live in small towns far from the ocean. Middle America does not have a lock on patriotism or “American values.” Sure our country has borders, but the last time I checked, those borders included 50 states with a wide-ranging geography, including major metropolitan areas and rural regions. Our country is a big one, and real Americans inhabit every single part of it.

You don’t have to have a blue collar job to be a real American. If you watch enough political ads, you will soon think there are only four jobs in America — teacher, nurse, farmer and something that requires a hard hat. Those are all admirable professions, but I don’t understand the obsession with the blue collar, middle class workforce. Sure, these folks used to be the backbone of our country. But lately, the very politicians who revere these people as “real Americans” are the ones who seem most determined to destroy the middle class jobs and way of life. College professors, scientists, artists, night shift janitors, web entrepreneurs, freelance consultants, stay at home parents — all these people are real Americans, too. And if we are going to keep shipping jobs overseas, buying businesses just to break them down and fire their employees, and defunding governmental offices until they are running a skeleton crew, then we are going to have to start paying more attention to the wide variety of nontraditional jobs out there, and to the positions at the extreme ends of the pay range.

We get outraged when people try to compare mothers and put labels on what makes one mom better than the other. We stand up and say we refuse to be judged, and we will stick together, and we will fight anyone who tries to provoke us. We get our hackles up, and rightfully so. Contrived outrage and flame baiting are ugly things.

So we should do the same whenever politicians talk about “real Americans.” There are a few hundred million of us, and we are all very different. Trying to define what makes someone a “real American” is as pointless as trying to define what makes someone a “real mom.” We should not stand for people trying to create unnatural divisions, and we should shame that behavior whenever we see it.

Make sure you check out my colleague May Saubier’s posts. She blogs about politics from a conservative viewpoint.

Recent posts

Excuse me, but I am not snobby. And thank you for generalizing the attitudes of half the country based on quotes from tv sitcoms.

Amy Bradley-Hole

I am sorry you did not catch the sarcasm in that section. Perhaps I should be clearer. Saying Coasters are snobs is silly. Just as saying middle Americans are real Americans is silly. Stereotypes based on where one lives are silly. Does that help?

ToniAnn

I thought this was going to be about ‘being American,’ which I was really interested in reading… But found it to basically be a conservative-bashing in disguise.

Amy Bradley-Hole

My role with BabyCenter is to blog about political issues from a liberal viewpoint. There is nothing to disguise about the slant of my posts. I am quite open about it. You should note that at the end of my piece, I direct you to posts by May Saubier, who is BabyCenter’s conservative blogger. If you prefer liberal bashing, you will not find it in my posts, but you may find it there by following the link I provided.

Hugs4Jack

This has got to be one of the silliest things I’ve read on BC.

Amy

I completely agree with you! I hate anything that begins “real Americans…” if I’m not a “real American” can I have my taxes back? I genuinely do not mind paying my fair share, but if not a real American, it seems bit unfair that I have pay.

Amy Bradley-Hole

Heck, even fake Americans have to pay taxes. My husband is not an American citizen, but he still has to pay taxes on his income and everything he buys!

Sarah

I agree! I might also add that in my part of the country you better be a Christian too (and a conservative one)… or else you are not a “real” American.

Amy Bradley-Hole

Exact same thing where I live.

Liz

You forgot about “He doesn’t believe in American exceptionalism.” That is another way of saying, “He is not a real American.” A little more subtle, but same tactic.

Amy Bradley-Hole

That’s one I’m accused of all the time.

Lydia’s Mom

I’m deleting BC from Twitter, fb, & deleting my account. As a Conservative, a TRUE AMERICAN is someone who works hard, pays their bills, doesn’t expect someone else to pay their bills, or have handouts, who doesn’t believe in big government taking away each freedom one by one, who believes we should drill on our own land to create jobs HERE, who believes in helping out the fellow brothers & sisters of America but let’s have drug tests be done before any of MY hard earned money is given to those taking advantage of the system. There are people who are unAmerican. Liberalism is DESTROYING this nation. As far as I’m concerned you represent BC & this article is complete bullish*t! Shame on you for using this platform for your own political agenda! A true American wouldn’t do that!

Amy Bradley-Hole

Thank you for proving my point.

sharon in prague

I agree with you, but you know I am not a ‘real American’ b/c I live outside the country b/c that is where my husdands job is (with a “real” American company) and we pay taxes to two different countries (and it stinks!)

Kelly

omg… If Republicans are “real americans”, I’m moving to Europe.

Julius

Gee Kelly that’s awfully nice of you. Why so angry at Republicans.

If liberalism is so good than why are so many people leaving CA. Why is their budget in such bad shape. Why is the median housing price in Detroit $8,000. Why are schools in DC so bad despite spending more per student than all areas. Why does Chicago have such a problem with violence and poor schools? I live in the metro area of a liberal city, despite annexing huge tracts of property, the city is losing population.

Please spare me the “white flight” argument.
Forcing people to live in cities with bad policies isn’t
American to me.

http://www.onemomsworld.com Jen @ One Moms World

This article makes me so sad to read. Why the bashing on republicans? I do not think your political agreement makes you American or not. There is SO MUCH more….

Amy Bradley-Hole

I’m not trying to specifically “bash” Republicans. I hate for any politician to label people like this. It’s just that it seems to be the Republican politicians who are most interested in labeling some people “real” or “not real” Americans.

Momof4

I understand that there are legal issues with what an “American” is. I don’t get the “Real American” statements either, and I am a more conservative person.

As a “Real American”, I may not agree with things that everyone believes in, but I believe in their right to voice their opposition, and my right to voice my dissent.

The only time I would use the “Real American” line would be to the people that complain about the US who are not citizens.

Now I do think there is a reason for the “Patriot” points that are bandied about. Because there has to be some pride in a country to be considered a “Patriot”.

Amy Bradley-Hole

You make a great point about the word “patriot.” It has a much more complex definition than “American.” While I am definitely am an American, I am not at all a patriot in the standard sense of the term.

Kirsten

Maybe I read this in an entirely different light than most of the commentors, but I see this more as a jab at the mess our political discourse has become. I agree that it is terribly frustrating that so much time and energy is spent proving that so and so is “American enough” and/or that their opponent is not. During the last presidential election cycle, I was out to dinner with some friends who happen to be Canadian, and we started discussing politics. Not knowing much about Canadian politics, I asked if they had to deal with the same nonsense. And if so, how does one “out-Canadian” someone else? It just doesn’t come up there, the whole idea is preposterous. As it is here. But that doesn’t seem to stop us from engaging in it.

Only tangentially related, I also don’t understand how anyone believes that being anti-intellectual or a “government outsider” makes one more suitable for high public office. Personally, I want my government leaders to know their jobs well and generally be much smarter than I am!

Amy Bradley-Hole

Yes! While I don’t want all my politicians to be rich, old lawyers, I also don’t want them to uneducated with absolutely no applicable experience!

http://therebelchick.com Jenn @therebelchick

Can I just say “AMEN” to each point? The great part about being an American is that there are a million different lives to live!

Lydia’s Mom

Even your tone is arrogant. How sad…

Mary

I agree with Kirsten. I would hope we would elect leaders who are intelligent. We need our elected officials in Washington as well as leaders in our state governments to be able to compromise. What happened to being able to meet in the middle and find workable solutions to our problems? Don’t we ask this of our children when they have arguments? I am so tired of the fighting in politics. Can’t we find a way to work together to solve the problems we are all facing? It is sad that we can’t even listen to the “other side” anymore. This post is a blog. It is someone’s opinion. That is not “silly” as hugsforjack said. I can’t believe Lydia’s Mom would delete her account because of her disagreement with this post–a prime example of what is wrong in this country.

Kirsten

The written word is terrible for conveying tone. (There should really be a sarcasm font, although I assure you I’m not using it here).

What I’m getting at is that you must be a U.S. citizen to run for public office in this country. Therefore, all those who pursue an elected position are American. It doesn’t even need to be part of the conversation, much less a point of contention amongst seated politicians. And from the few political conversations I’ve had with citizens of other countries, it seems to be a purely American issue.

Sara

I agree with Toni-Ann. All I got from your liberal viewpoint is bashing the other side. Unproductive. I’m not even a republican. I come to BC for articles about family issues or new activities.

Amy Bradley-Hole

BabyCenter has two bloggers — myself and May Saubier — who write solely about political issues, with an emphasis on how they may affect families. For the sake of balance, I write from a liberal point of view, and May writes from a conservative point of view. If you’d prefer to never hear about politics on BabyCenter, you are welcome to stay clear of May’s and my posts. However, we encourage you to read them all. Like it or not, politics matter. Our government — whether local, state or national — affects us. It affects how we raise our children, support our families, pay for school, even what we eat for dinner. I know it is sometimes difficult to read a viewpoint which we find distasteful, but it’s vitally important that we all get educated and involved, and that we learn about all sides of current issues.

Jess

This whole thing was pointless to read and why even bring up time magazines cover!!!! Are you American enough?

Wilheimina Mac

As a Canadian, cleary I can’t offer anything on the ins-and-outs of what a Real American is.
But as an outsider, it seems to me that your country is being more and more polarized. The liberals are becoming more liberal and the conservatives are becoming more conservative so its harder and harder to find common ground. I might be wrong, but all ‘real’ Americans just want to live out their lives in an awesome country, right?

AS

I don’t see how this article is “conservative” bashing as much as it would be bashing the “conservative” politicians that put this message out there. I have held a job since I was 16, received NO government assistance in my life other than the student loans that I am repaying monthly, I have voted in every Presidential election since I was 18 and voted in every single election since about the age of 21. I pay taxes into the system and only receive a minimal refund. How much more American can you get? Oh, I’m a Democrat, so never mind. I have dear friends and family that are Conservative and I know that they do not think I am less “American” because of my beliefs, however we need to stand up against our politicians who are forcing these “wars” upon us. I’m the first to speak up when a liberal politician makes a bad statement that is intended only to be inflamatory, so if you are Conservative and upset about what she wrote, maybe you ARE part of the problem, or maybe you could stand up to your politicians and let them know that that is not the voice the average Republican wants representing them.

Pennie

As someone who isn’t registered with any party, I tend to have a hard time picking out “liberal” or “conservative” discourse. I agree with Kirsten; it’s all in the way you read it. I thought these points were great, that last one in particular. To me, this article is really about how groups of people define themselves, and how they define others. “Real” American and “real” mom arguments have no basis in fact.

Cristina

A “Real American” is someone who loves this country and what it stands for (not necessarily everything our government does) rather than apologizing for being an American while partaking in the benefits of citizenship. Thanks for the divisive article. Also, I don’t consider mothers who beat, neglect, or otherwise destroy their children to be “Real Moms”. I have no problem making that distinction.

Amy Bradley-Hole

The point of this article is that all Americans are equal. I’m not quite sure how that is divisive.

Tron//

This isn’t sarcasm, it’s hate speech!

And it is a form of bullying!

Clearly liberalism Is a mental disorder…

Amy Bradley-Hole

Which part of what I wrote do you consider hate speech? I’m curious to know.

Nikki

I love how many of the comments say something along the lines of wanting to read things about families. The TITLE of this is “Are you American Enough?” It’s not like she said, “Kittens, puppies and babies! Haha. Just kidding” Seriously. If don’t want to read it, don’t. No one glued your eyes to your computer and tied your hands behind your back.

However since apparently a lot of people already took that advice and didn’t read it, the second part would be DON’T COMMENT!!! Half of these comments claim the article is about something it isn’t. So read first, comment second.

The reason that this country can’t get anything done is because we’re too busy nitpicking other people and not nitpicking policies. Too many liberals are bashing conservatives and too many conservatives are bashing liberals. If we could go back to remembering what’s important and discussing actual issues instead of just claiming that whatever the other side wants is evil then maybe we could get somewhere. And this is exactly what this article was trying to point out. You don’t need to be brainwashed by a political party anymore. Just start THINKING FOR YOURSELF!

Janet

I am also deleting BC from my Favorites. I don’t read Republican bashing or Democrat bashing blogs. Cristina – you are so right about loving our country and crappy moms not being equal to good moms. I think the writer says it all when she says that her husband is not an American citizen. I guess she has a view from another perspective. I guess I just always wonder if someone thinks we don’t have the best schools, healthcare and government, then why are you here? Why wouldn’t anybody want to live in the country they feel is the best? I happen to believe that with all our flaws, we are still the best.

Amy Bradley-Hole

I did not say America is not the best country. I said it is not the best at everything. There is a difference.

Janet

Lydia’s Mom – you are awesome. I just hate that the writer felt the need to sarcastically rebut you but then that’s how liberals are – everyone can have an opinion as long as it’s the same as their’s.

Mary

Janet just summed up the attitude of the nation in her statement, “everyone can have an opinion as long as it’s the same as theirs”. Whatever happened to civil discourse….

Julius

Amy, maybe your points would have resonated better if the democrat Speaker of the House and the democrat majority leader didn’t write an op Ed in USA Today calling Americans protesting the healthcare law Nazis. I realize that you are here to provide a liberal POV and I don’t think I have ever begrudged that. I just think that this piece is a poor example given how many tv commentators, reporters and media types have accused conservatives of being racists, nazis, fascists and other equally apalling names. Are you not aware of that or did you just think that providing the liberal
POV meant that you can ignore the obvious.

Amy Bradley-Hole

My post was not about name-calling. It was about how we try to rank and divide “real Americans,” just as we try to rank and divide “real mothers.” I’m sorry you couldn’t see that.

bashysarah

Where in here do you quote from sitcoms? Yes, you mention Sarah Palin’s television show, but the quotes you give are from a politician, and properly cited. And I don’t see this as bashing conservatives at all. You appear, to me, to be answering the more confusing points about things that are repeatedly said by self-proclaimed ‘real’ Americans about the rest of the country’s supposed beliefs. We are ALL Americans, either by birth or (potentially pending) citizenship. And everyone pays taxes of some sort, whether income, sales, or property tax. Yes, some people abuse government assistance programs. But I would be willing to bet my entire tax return that the large corporations who get to use high powered lawyers and lobbyists to game their share of the system are costing the taxpayers a whole lot more. What strikes me as the most sad about this divisive rhetoric is that is puts Americans into a defensive stance any time we start to discuss politics, and thus allows those only at the top margins of income and education to continue pushing policies that benefit themselves and the system within which they succeed. And to answer those that ask ‘well, if you don’t think we have the best of everything, why are you still here?’ I would like to respond with two points. First of all, moving out of the country is a lot harder than just saying you’re going to move. Especially if you have a family to worry about. Secondly, some people see identifying less than perfect systems as the starting point for trying to fix them, instead of just throwing around blame and saying ‘if you don’t like it, why are you still here?’.
Finally, I did not see the sarcasm in you response to Lydia’s mom. Irony, perhaps, but not sarcasm. And for Tron//, I, too am curious where the hate speech and bullying occurs, other than in your subsequent comment about liberals. Or was THAT sarcasm?

http://www.shanamama.com Shana D

Wow reading through the comments is providing some good comic relief. I think people completely missed the point and instead of asking questions to try and understand it they went to the defensive. I for one agree with everything you wrote Amy. All of it was very well said.

Jessica

“Why wouldn’t anybody want to live in the country they feel is the best?”

There are lots and lots of current non-Americans that would like to live in the country they think is the best – ours. Unfortunately for them, we severely restrict the number of people allowed to emigrate here legally each year and the process is long, complex, and ultimately fruitless for many. Most other nations don’t have an open-door policy either, and many of them are pushing for a crackdown on legal immigration as well – the rise of far-right nationalist political parties in Europe is a testament to that.

The point is that even if you want to live in another country, it’s a lengthy, difficult process to emigrate legally and earn the right to work legally. The idea that people can just flounce off to whatever nation suits their political fancy as if they’re changing dentists doesn’t reflect reality. I wish very fervently that all nations allowed greater freedom for people to change citizenship to improve the efficiency of the global labor market, but I’m not holding my breath for that one.

Amy Bradley-Hole

Brilliantly said, Jessica. Thank you.

Lydia’s Mom

Thanks Janet! We are all lucky to be Americans! There’s so much more to being an American than just living in America! It’s sad that some people don’t realize that.

http://inthewritemind.wordpress.com Dara

So, why is it that it’s conservatives who generally march under the flag? Just wondering after the statement you said. Do liberals find it distasteful or something? I am not trying to be mean or anything, I am just curious why that’s the case.

Anyway, I don’t agree with a lot of your posts being a hardcore conservative, but I do see some of the points in this one.

BSD

@ 10.Julius, I find it interesting that you blame liberalism for all of California’s problems. Last I heard, that state had a Republican governor for the past 7 years…

Julius

BSD, the govwrnor today is democrat, jerry brown. Arnold S. was governed for about 1.5 terms. He campaigned with a strong conservative message, but governed as a liberal. (yes there are liberal Rs too). You won’t find many conservatives defending him.

Also, CA legislature is predominately democrat and union influence is a big factor in efforts to lower spending. 52 assemblyman are democrats and 28 rs. In senate it is 25 to 15.

Jerry brown, a liberal democrat, was elected governor
In 2010. Since then the budget deficit has increased from 9 billion to 16 billion.

There are also some Rs in CA govt that have she an apalling lack of respect for private property rights in their effort to grow govt. in general I think rs are better, but I am all for house cleaning some of them
Too.

Tracey

I’m having trouble understanding how this is listed under “mom stories”.

BSD

Julius, I am aware the current gov. is Jerry Brown, a democrat. I am also aware the legislature consists of more democrats than republicans in CA. That doesn’t change the fact a republican held office from October 2003 until Brown took office in January 2011 (about 7 years and longer than 1.5 terms). Schwarzenegger is still a republican, and he also does have some responsibility for CA’s financial problems. I’m very of tired of the old argument “Well, that’s because he was a LIBERAL republican” or “He was a CONSERVATIVE democrat” when arguing why someone from a chosen political party didn’t do things perfectly. My point is that both parties can and do make mistakes. As loath as many people are to admit it, neither liberals or conservatives are the root of every problem this country faces.

Mar

Amy,

I enjoy reading many of your articles, including this one because one of the things that comes to mind is how even though people don’t think all the way around the circle– politics in many ways deal with being a mother. Maybe not directly but in the indirect way I feel that the topics you brought up about how ‘American’ someone is hits home for me. I’m normally a full-time caregiver, currently only part-time because of the baby on the way :), and my husband is training to be a police officer; We both receive state help with our health insurance and groceries because despite how hard we work it just isn’t enough.
I think it is a harsh thing for some people to say that just because a person receives ‘handouts’ from the government makes them any less of a person or less of an American. I help take care of the elderly, mainly those with Alzheimer’s disease not because I have to but because I want to because its what I love to do – and something people tell me I have a natural gift for – isn’t that a part of the American dream? My husband is training to be a police officer so he can serve and protect because it is a field where he feels he can make a difference in helping people during a time of need and to make our cities a better place to raise our kids. So back to my main point, this article has a lot to do with parenting and gives some light onto things that I hear a lot in the area where I live as well . Especially now when so many families are reaching out for extra help so they can keep food on the table for their children.
Shame on people who make everything they read a one-sided war. I wish people learned to respect another person’s views and opinions more.

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