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Are We Always in Defense Mode?

Yesterday I read an amazing blog by Jeff Mare. If you are reading this I encourage you to read his blog at http://divineimpacts.wordpress.com/
It is entitled “Is that a Stone in Your Hand?” What he has made reference to is that we as a society have become very good at throwing stones and the even bigger problem is that we will throw stones at anyone whether they have done wrong or not.
I will take this back to a couple’s relationship around money and why it is so important for a couple to really learn how to communicate properly so that is doesn’t feel like they are being attacked by a partner when a partner questions them on something. I think we are so used to being in defense mode that we are no longer able to know an attack from a normal question.
I will have women ask me, “How do you bring up money without starting an argument?” This is a very common question and one that needs to be addressed. Both parties need to take a step back and discover a way that they can ask their question in a non- threatening way. I had one person make an amazing suggestion and that was when you are having a serious talk take your spouse to dinner. First point being that a restaurant usually gives the sense of a calm non- threatening environment and second one cannot just walk away.(hopefully)
When you invite your spouse to dinner, after they accept, really plan out what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. If it is around money, discover first what the end result is that you are trying to establish. You want your spouse to take ownership with you if it is a positive change that you are trying to create within your family.
I will present some great opening sentences that may help start the money conversation tomorrow.
Please let me know your thoughts on “Throwing Stones”. Do you think our society has become obsessed with it and how do we re-train ourselves to not always be in “defense mode”?

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Defense mode yes, but also a desperate need to be seen and accepted as you are, while feeling very inadequate. Everything out there is so perfect nowadays. If there is a flaw you can technically erase it with photo shop or some adjustments in the sound studio. It is hard to live up to these standars and then i think people become very defensive. I would call it survival mode…

The best resource for this is hands down Marshall Rosenberg’s work on Non-violent Communication, I think it’s NVC.org or something like that–REVOLUTIONARY–in a non-violent way, of course. I was married to someone who would walk away, even if we were driving down the 10 freeway!
Money is tough…so looking forward to your next post!