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‘The Sun has lost it’ declares The Sun

The Sun Newspaper today switched allegiance away from itself saying it had alienated its readers and was therefore left with no other credible choice but to urge its readers not to buy the Sun. The switch comes after a series of howlers and embarrassing gaffes, dating right back to a complaint from an Argentine widow about the misspelling of ‘Gotcha!’

Having struggled for several hours, headline writers finally gave up trying to come up with a snappy title for an article about the paper’s savage ineptitudes which contained the words ‘Brown’ and ‘Janes’ and went instead with a headline about Jordan for which a pun was readily available.

A serious piece about equipment shortages in Afghanistan proved equally troublesome with nothing found that rhymed with ‘outrage’, ‘disgrace’ or ‘bulldog spirit’. In the end a celebrity’s nipple popped out in Los Angeles and the newspaper staff were able to salvage what would otherwise have been a difficult day.

Wayne Rooney endorsed the re-positioning of the Sun and agreed that he, Coleen and baby Kai would welcome the more thoughtful, considered analysis of a premier league goal which the Sun had advised him would now be available in the Guardian.

Gordon Brown has sent a personal handwritten note to the Sun offering support at this difficult time, which to the disappointment of all concerned was completely legible and didn’t contain any mistakes.