Adventures Of Fatherhood

At times, as my kids grow and mature, life with them seems like an out-of-control train.

No matter how much I want to slow down time, there’s nothing stopping them from continuing to grow and change.

Rather than dwelling on how fast time seems to be flying by, I have been thinking about what I’m not going to miss about these younger years.

I realize, of course, years from now I’m going to think fondly back on some of the hairy situations that currently stress me out. Time has a way of working that sort of magic.

Nonetheless, at this point in my life and my kids’ lives, here are a handful of aspects of daily toddler life I will be okay with seeing pass by.

Hitting
At the top of my list is getting slapped. I’m not going to miss that one bit.

Fortunately, those days are long gone with Beckett, 4, but Carson, 2 ½, still seems to get a kick out of a random slap to the back of the head or cheek.

That’s why whenever I pick him up I tend to be cautious of what the arms and hands are doing. He’s got a pretty quick swat that can ring a bell if delivered in the right place. The same goes for the legs and those devastating kicks to certain regions.

The odd part is he seems to truly enjoy knocking us around, particularly when he lands a nice hook that results in a parental reaction that’s funny by his estimation.

An elevated eyebrow or two usually gets a great chuckle from Carson.

Double Baths

My wife tells me I’m crazy, but I’m not going to miss bathing both kids at the same time.

When they are grown, she thinks I’m going to reminisce about the evenings spent reminding them to keep the water in the tub, refrain from putting their mouth around the spigot and quit doing weird boy things with their tooth brushes.

It’s not so much the actual bath part that gets me frazzled on a nightly basis. That’s quite entertaining. It’s the getting them both dried off and dressed in their pajamas that results in the most agitation for me.

The days when we can say go ahead and get showered seems like a pretty good thing to me.

Not Listening

Both kids have issues here, but I do anxiously look forward to the day when I tell Carson to stop climbing on the living room furniture and he actually stops.

Now, he sort of gives me a cute smile and laughs, continuing what he initially sought to do in the first place. The more demands to stop seems to make him even happier. I’m not quite sure what to do about that.

Beckett seems to pretend at times he’s too busy to stop and hear what’s being said. Prior to us heading out the door recently, he decided he needed to bring something along, despite our insistence that was not to happen.

As he marched upstairs, he said, “I’m just going to go and grab my piano, okay, that’s alright, right?’ He didn’t want to hear the answer.

On another occasion, after eating half of a bowl popcorn, Beckett said, “I’m done, I’m going to dump this in the sink.” Again, despite stern demands to not do it, he did it. When asked why he did it when we told him not to, he simply said, “Carson made me do it.”

At that moment, Carson was napping, by the way.

Jail Breaks Give either of my kids an open door and they will take off. They will eventually stop cold in their tracks, but it’s not going to be after the first request to stop.

It’s a little mind game they play and they both know it’s wrong. I think they just like it when we get frazzled.

Car Seat Games This is not a problem with Beckett, an excellent car riding kid.

On the other hand, Carson’s distaste for being confined plays out daily in the car seat. He must have his arms over the straps or he’s going to throw a fit, resulting in several stops on just about any errand run to tighten the straps. That always results in a huge meltdown, leading me to just usually turn sports radio up.

Changing Diapers

Beckett has been without diapers for seven months, but it’s not looking like diapers will become a thing of the past around our house anytime soon.

It’s matter of habit now, but I am looking forward to the days of no more dirty diapers and am especially excited about the monthly raise that will come with not having to give the folks at Huggies so much money.

Kid Videos I know I have a lot of children’s shows and videos in my future, but I do look forward to leaving behind The Wiggles, who I have a love-hate relationship with currently.

On one hand, it keeps the kids’ attention occupied, allowing us to get some things done around the house. That’s always a good thing.

However, on the other hand, I’m starting to wonder how much of the “big red car” I can honestly take in the course of a weekend.

These are just some of the things that help me cope with the fact the kids are getting older and the changes keep coming way too fast.

About The Author: Steven Green

The writer has been with The Dispatch in various capacities since 1995, including serving as editor and publisher since 2004. His previous titles were managing editor, staff writer, sports editor, sales account manager and copy editor. Growing up in Salisbury before moving to Berlin, Green graduated from Worcester Preparatory School in 1993 and graduated from Loyola University Baltimore in 1997 with degrees in Communications (journalism concentration) and Political Science.

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