Why You Lose Interest In People Who Have The Most Interest In You

You recently started dating your dream guy. He’s hot, and he’s got a great smile a fantastic personality. He likes the same stuff you do. You both love watching old movies and he has a pet you adore. He’s honest, trustworthy, and totally into you. He’s amazing.

The mechanics of dating go far deeper in our brains than noticing certain aspects of a potential mate’s personality or the way he smiles. Subconsciously, your biology wants to match with someone that meets a specific quota of do-able items so you can make babies with them further down the line. While consciously, you want a guy who’s put together and has a decent job so you can do day-trips and splurge on a bigger apartment together.

If you’re someone who’s lost interest in your latest partner, you might also be unaware that you’re placing them on a pedestal, which they have no idea they’re on. You’re shoving them away because they made the mistake of actually being interested in you, and that means they’re not as good as you thought.

Part of the thrill of finding a new person is exactly that: they’re new, they don’t have any allegiances to you, and they’re glorious ... from afar. There’s delight in getting to know someone, getting to know the things about them that you like, finding out unique parts of them you had no idea about, and overall, experiencing a bit of the chase.

And if he’s honest and makes a play for you, you feel like he’s settled for you. And that means he’s not as great as you thought he was, because he chose to like you rather than playing the mysterious bad boy.

It’s easier to accept the boy who rejects you than the man who wants to love you, because you don’t feel that you’re worth the effort. So when he goes to that effort, it makes you feel small, not loved, because you don’t think you deserve it.

It makes him less glamorous in your eyes, because how could someone like him fall for someone like you? You end up putting a great person down for liking you. Somehow, that counts as a negative in your brain, and your relationships are doomed before they even start.

The truth is that everyone deserves love and happiness, and no one should feel that being accepted by someone means that there’s something wrong with them. You have to stop the cycle of rejection, because it starts — and ends — with you.

If you want to find someone to love you, you’re going to have to first stop rejecting the men that try. Make yourself aware of when you’re shooting down the affection you feel you haven’t earned. Someone being into you hasn’t settled for something lesser.