Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Life Ever After

Sunday I had to dig through some stuff and find a death certificate for my mom. When I pulled it out of the envelope and saw that it was one of two left, I had this weird feeling of not wanting to let it go. I read it over a few times and found myself saying "Three years, already?" On May 5th, my mom will have been gone from this earth for 3 years. Sometimes it seems like a lot longer but usually it just feels like a few days ago. I still have such vivid memories of her last few months alive. It's such an odd feeling not having my parents here with me. Although I'm surrounded by people who love me, I oftentimes find myself feeling very alone. God always reassures me, but I guess it's that empty place in my heart that leaves me feeling that way. Things come along, like Mother's Day or Father's Day or Grandparents' Day; and life is bittersweet. My children don't have any of their grandparents living, and that breaks my heart every time I think about it. My grandparents were such instrumental and encouraging people in my life, and so were my children's; but they aren't here. I believe that they are watching and are present in spirit, and that is what brings me comfort. Sometimes I have to talk to myself and remind myself how wonderful it is that they are in heaven. I don't doubt for one second that it is wonderful and that is where the peace comes from. The grief and pain are always there....always....but they are more manageable when I am reminded of this life after earth, this life ever after, this life with Jesus!

About Me

Why I Think Out Loud...

I started journaling several years ago when I realized that I couldn't possibly remember every milestone, cute phrase, wonderful expression, heart tugging word or life changing action that occurs within my own family. I had to face the fact that my brain has become fuller and fuller with each baby born and each day that passes; and now it's overloaded. I find myself having to write down everything from a daily "To Do" list to much more important things like the first time my son kissed me on the lips. I don't want to take anything for granted and chance that I might not remember. I journal in a notebook, in my own handwriting, with the intent and hope that someday my sweet buttercups will cherish having these journals in their mama's own handwriting. I started this blog, because there are some things that are meant to be shared and some things that I hope someone will read and enjoy. Maybe I can learn something from a reader or two as well.

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I am happy to say....

Jesus is my first love!

My children are beautiful, inside and out!

I'm as happy as I've ever been!

NPayne thinks I'm beautiful!

I LOVE vintage!

I live in America!

I let my children get dirty!

I thoroughly enjoy Bible Study!

I'm addicted to linens!

I enjoy watching football on TV!

I live in a house full of imagination!

I pray for world peace!

I support our troops and pray for them daily!

I am VERY sentimental!

My parents were married for 40 years!

I love thrift stores and flea markets!

My favorite room in my house is the nursery!

There are 4 princesses and one prince in my house which makes me a Queen!