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I had to cut off a friendship today. Trust me, it’s not always an easy decision but when that person doesn’t fit into your puzzle, then why try make that piece fit? I like to give people chances. Everyone deserves second chances, sometimes even third and fourth chances. I think it’s in our nature to forgive. I was faced with a difficult situation that was forgivable. I genuinely wanted my friend to seek professional help and recognise their wrong doings in this situation. I was willing to put aside anger and take them to get the help they needed. They sought help once… just once, and thought they were fine after that. Appearances would suggest everything was fine – obviously, this was not the case.

The reason I decided to part ways was because friendship takes two. To me friendship should flow naturally and yes, we go through our ups and downs, but it is also how we can overcome situations together that count. Understanding each other is imperative. When this fails, then the friendship follows suit. I tried to be there – that didn’t help. I tried to explain my feelings of the situation and why I felt the way I did – there wasn’t a true acknowledgement nor understanding. I tried to understand their questionable decisions out of concern – apparently it wasn’t my place to judge. We had lost our friendship and now we don’t really know each other.

What I learned today is that, not everyone is going to bring positivity in your life and maybe they aren’t meant to be part of YOUR bigger picture. You shouldn’t feel bad for the decisions YOU make that will make YOUR life better. Sometimes releasing that part of your life lifts a weight off your shoulders. I definitely feel better. Even though I wanted to forgive this friend, it became clear that this friendship just didn’t fit me. Maybe one day we may rekindle the spark we had and share the good memories, but either way, I’m happy if the friendship is there or not.

I’m a person who cares about my friends and family. I care to a point that I put others needs before my own and I leave myself behind. Why do I care so much for others? Because if I see a friend in need, I can’t sit idly by – I actually think I need to help them. In recent times, I’ve sat here and wondered why do I do this? I only question it, because there is only so much help you can give, and only so much advice you can give, before that person needs to help themselves. Now, it’s taken me a long time to realise this. Caring for people can sometimes hurt. What do I mean? Well….. I mean that if it’s placing obstacles in your own life, or, preventing you to care for yourself, then why are you caring so much?

I, in no way am saying that you shouldn’t care for others. What I’m saying is, don’t let caring have a negative impact, to you. It’s taken me months, sometimes years, to realise that some people in life can take advantage of my caring nature, and not only absorb my energy, but also never take steps to help themselves.

I’m not a person who asks for help often. I am the type of person who likes to deal with my problems myself. Even when I’ve hit rock bottom, I never burdened my friends and family with my issues, I’ve just tackled it myself. If I needed to get professional help, I’d get it. And, I know that not everyone can do this themselves, or admit it to themselves, and you need your friends and family to give you this kind of push to go see a professional. I’ve had to deal with loved ones having mental issues, and though it’s taken time for them to seek the actual help they need, it has placed a strain on me. This is something I just don’t think I have capacity to deal with right now – well, taking on too much that I leave myself behind.

Before any judges and thinks I’m being selfish, I’m going to say, yes I do need to be selfish. I don’t see the problem in being selfish, when I’ve always been selfless, with my friends and family. I’m not asking anyone to care for me. I’m asking myself to care for me and that’s the best kind of selfishness people need. What brought this on? People’s actions speaks volumes. When you take it upon yourself to be inconsiderate towards me, that’s an indication to me that, you do not care for me the way I care for you. So my advice to anyone is: Don’t let caring get to a point that it hurts you.

Life is challenging. It throws you tests every other day and you’re there wondering how you are meant to deal with it?

What have I encountered in the last month. After a visit to my home town Perth, I encountered some family drama (as you do), my dog dying and baring my inner feelings to someone who couldn’t return them. Let’s just say biggest and shittiest timing I have encountered. Upon returning to Melbourne I’ve had fights with friends – shit that shouldn’t even happen and I don’t want to deal with and yet I’m always entangled… maybe because I care too much. I nearly had a break down at work – just one day everything was just too overwhelming but going through what happened prior to this, it just seemed the sequences of events was too much. Also, making stupid mistakes at work doesn’t help. On top of this, I have had bowel issues that really needed attention and I went for a STD test to ensure I was clean, after having unprotected sex (like an idiot). Thank goodness I have people to share my testing issues with.

One by one all these issues have been ticked off my lists of things that I’ve overcome. All I can say is, I don’t like sitting here in pain after having surgery which involved some anal probing. The next thing on my list is to get cracking on my animal studies and get back into a routine of studying (I’m finding it difficult) and finding a house to buy. My fuck, housing in Melbourne is excruciatingly painful. Painful in the fact that anywhere lovely is over 1 million. Maybe I need to work harder in gaining my footballer husband.

Is this post relevant to anything? Maybe… I just wanted to say that everyone has their own struggles and we shouldn’t judge anyone before knowing what they might be going through. We are all fighting our own little battles no matter how significant or insignificant to some. I’m not saying my problems trumps over anyone elses issues. I know that people suffer worse than me. I am thankful my problems are easily solvable and I can deal with them provided I surround myself with positive people. It’s amazing how my perspective changes with just some inspirational quotes you find on Facebook and how getting rid of toxic people and toxic issues just make your life better. It’s so simple but I guess I need that random post to swim into my news feed for me to be reminded. Let me share with you some of my favs and hope that you too can make a difference for the better 🙂