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Day 4 has dawned. Hurrah. Feeling very positive and good being back on track with a clean slate now. Weigh in and session tonight, looking forward to it weirdly - because i know I have nothing to hide! duh!

Wedding dress second viewing and decision time wiht my mother and bridesmaids this afternoon, so a half day off work. Not sure if i'm nervous or excited. Being centre of attention in front of them all, eeeeek. Still, I've promised myself that tonight's tea will be a choc bar and then a choc shake to celebrate whatever may happen today. The plan is in action.

Not much more to say. I'll update all my weight stuff, pleeeeeeeeeease let it be good. I need a really good loss this week to just make me feel that I've done the right thing. Rationally and health-wise I know I have, but the scales need to join with me on this one and keep me going!

Get out of the obese BMI category into overweight
Wear black rain coat again
Wear size 14 jeans to walk the dog
Get out of the overweight BMI category into healthy
Wear all my size 12 dresses and size 6 shoes again
Fit with room to spare at my wedding dress fitting in June 2013Wear size 12 jeans from charity shop

Get out of the obese BMI category into overweight
Wear black rain coat again
Wear size 14 jeans to walk the dog
Get out of the overweight BMI category into healthy
Wear all my size 12 dresses and size 6 shoes again
Fit with room to spare at my wedding dress fitting in June 2013Wear size 12 jeans from charity shop

I was so happy about my dress and the loss that I just decided to eat again. All week. I skipped my session, text my counsellor and then had a cry. Now I've decided to sort it out. Again. How many times will I say this. So, my reasoning now is as follows (so as not to dwell on the last week):

- I was happy in my dress and felt beautiful. However, it has been ordered for June, and instead of seeing this as a reason to 'not worry' for a bit I need to get on with it. It's 2 inches smaller than I am now and the last thing I want is nights of guilt and a panic and tears just before or, worst case, AT the fitting.
- I was discussing quitting smoking with my best friend who said 'did you think the reason you get out of breath or feel a bit tired might be because you're still 2 stone overweight?' Ouch. But very true. The weight I am now used to be my 'biggest' weight, not my 'hooray I just lost loads' weight.
- I want to enjoy the summer, and it's fast approaching. I want to be maintaining and enjoy a hen night and BBQs and all other social events. Not leave it so long that I HAVE to go back to abstinence and say no to all these fun things that will involve drinking and eating. Sure, that's other's expecations but it's mine too.
- We have our food tasting booked in for the end of March. I would like to be able to eat at that, not feel that I'm breaking my diet. That gives me 8 weeks. Which is more than enough if I abstain.

My friend was kindly saying about all the strengths I have and that this issue with food is the one weak thing I have, (bar the cigarettes of course). I am having to face something that I find hard, and that doesn't happen often. That's very true. I faced it for a full 6 weeks and felt brilliant, and have since messed about with my emotions and my body and a lot of money, not doing what I decided was my goal and my target. All this is doing is leading to me hating myself and feeling useless and flawed. And only I am doing that.

So there's my update. I'm eating regularly - I've ended up eating the packets so that first one is at 12, second at 4 and then dinner of food and a binge. From today it's breakfast at normal breakfast time, lunch, then my dinner packet and a shake for my dessert. I've really had enough of myself. I'm sure anyone still reading this is the same! I cannot afford to muck about this, this year is not only my 30th year, but when I'll photographed and spoilt the most I've been in my life. It's the first time it'll all be about me (and the OH of course!!!) and I want to have the confidence to revel in it, not just hide away scared and causing my own failure.

Get out of the obese BMI category into overweight
Wear black rain coat again
Wear size 14 jeans to walk the dog
Get out of the overweight BMI category into healthy
Wear all my size 12 dresses and size 6 shoes again
Fit with room to spare at my wedding dress fitting in June 2013Wear size 12 jeans from charity shop

Get out of the obese BMI category into overweight
Wear black rain coat again
Wear size 14 jeans to walk the dog
Get out of the overweight BMI category into healthy
Wear all my size 12 dresses and size 6 shoes again
Fit with room to spare at my wedding dress fitting in June 2013Wear size 12 jeans from charity shop

Get out of the obese BMI category into overweight
Wear black rain coat again
Wear size 14 jeans to walk the dog
Get out of the overweight BMI category into healthy
Wear all my size 12 dresses and size 6 shoes again
Fit with room to spare at my wedding dress fitting in June 2013Wear size 12 jeans from charity shop

Get out of the obese BMI category into overweight
Wear black rain coat again
Wear size 14 jeans to walk the dog
Get out of the overweight BMI category into healthy
Wear all my size 12 dresses and size 6 shoes again
Fit with room to spare at my wedding dress fitting in June 2013Wear size 12 jeans from charity shop