10 minutes into it, and she's tickling me a bit.

20 minutes in, she hits the lumbar, finds a knot the size of an acorn and destroys it.

At this point, she says, "You've got the worst back of anyone who's come in here today! How are you even alive?!"
I was fucking proud.
Later: "You feel that?"
"Yeah."
"That's supposed to be over HERE!" *cracking noises*
*falsetto whimper*

30 minutes in, I'm on my back, and she says, "Now it says here to focus on your pulled groin."

40 minutes in and she's mining the depths of my soul through a groin I forgot I pulled.

Hard enough to cut DIAMONDS. I apologize. She just laughs and says it happens to everybody.