But the most dangerous, the most insidious of summer hazards, is this guy:

I think we can all agree that the mosquito is the true bastard of the animal world. Obviously, mosquitoes got tired of bears and poisonous spiders getting all of the drama and attention, so they had to take action. They feel like they have something to prove to the rest of the animal kingdom.

Last summer, I thought it’d be fun to randomly develop a severe allergy to mosquitoes, despite never having had a reaction before. It’s all part of my master plan to preserve my average looks.

The demons would bite me, and my skin reacted by getting swollen, hot, and horrifically itchy.

Like this!

And this!

I know what you’re thinking – how does this girl not have a line of admirers following her everywhere? I’m stumped too, you guys. I’m stumped too.

But this year – I will not be brought down by the mosquito! I will not look like I’m slowly turning inside out! This year, I WILL fight back!

Here are the battle strategies I’ve come up with so far:

1. Dress like I’m Joey Tribbiani playing a nonsensical prank on Chandler

They recommend wearing layers? I’LL SHOW THEM LAYERS.

2. Slowly poison myself and others by maintaining a permanent cloud of DEET

Oh my goodness! I get far less mosquito bites than I did when i was a kid. I thought it was all owing to the fact that kids had sweeter flesh which enticed the mosquitos. Guess that’s not true in your case. Must be the cheese!

I was getting bitten way less often in adulthood, too! Last summer was my first summer in a new town, so I thought maybe this area had extra tough mosquitoes or something, but I think it was just a freak thing. Or like you said – all that cheese lures them in!

Yikes! I don’t think I’ve ever been bitten by a horse fly before. I can’t imagine having so many that you have to be hospitalized! I don’t blame you for going the Tribbiani Route – all of those layers probably helped with padding too 😉

We’ve had a higher population of mosquitoes up here the past few years and everyone is slathering themselves in some kind of vanilla/castor oil/lemon potion made locally that everyone swears by. Locals are so addicted that when I worked at the library the last two years, they smelled like the spray all summer. Which isn’t bad.

I recommend you pair the Net Couture with the earrings. Then you won’t get hot. Here’s hoping!!

I don’t know if it’s the same thing, but a lot of people here swear by a certain type of Johnson’s baby lotion. I tried it and was so hopeful it’d work, but unfortunately, dousing myself with bug spray was the most effective thing. Who needs to breathe, anyway?!

I also am a big fan of the Insect Couture. I googled “mosquito net fashion” and died a little when that picture came up 😀