Link Love (12/02/2013)

Thought-provoking

“That might all seem like a lot to learn at once. That’s OK. We’re going to learn it simply and easily. Here’s how:
Do the easiest possible habit when you first start.
If you’re not good at habits yet (and if you’re reading this guide, you probably aren’t), then start with the most basic skills — don’t try to do ninja habit skills yet.
You want to practice the habit rules by doing something crazily easy. It will seem a little ridiculous, but spend a little time doing something ridiculous if you really want to be good at it.” Sticking to a Habit: The Definitive Guide – Zen Habits

“But maybe my preference to stay home on New Year’s Eve is unrelated to introversion. It may have more to do with my feelings toward social ritual. I just don’t care much about birthdays and holiday celebrations. I tend to let the feelings that are supposed to be evoked by these events happen when they will, and trust that I’m going to experience the full range of human emotions and experiences over the course of a year, as opposed to waiting for them to occur on the day the ritual tells me they should.” Are Social Rituals Necessary? Thoughts on Super Bowl Sunday – By Susan Cain

“The key, though, is sticking to your rules no matter what. Rain, hail, sleet, or snow, you must adhere to the rules you create. As long as your rules are empowering, you’ll be glad you did.” The Rules We Live By – The Minimalists

“I’ve noticed most things tend to be either logarithmic or exponential growth. Despite this, linear progress is what most people expect. We tend to expect things to move in the same direction or rate as they have in the past. This violation of our expectation leads to some mistakes in how we set goals and act on them.” Two Types of Growth – Scott H Young

Religion

“Unfortunately, I Kissed Dating Goodbye seemed more focused on teaching young Christian readers how to avoid or restrict sexual intimacy while waiting for a God-ordained partner rather than teaching them how to build that partnership. It is far easier to say no lusting, no hand-holding, no kissing, no premarital intercourse than to teach individuals how to develop interpersonal relationships that lead to lifelong partnerships. With that in mind, I’d like to invite the possibility of greeting dating in a way that encourages healthy relational intimacy.” I Hugged Dating Hello, Part I: Developing Relational Intimacies – Love, Joy, Feminism

Equality

“The conservative claim, made by Trotter, that guns are an “equalizer” is about as serious a misrepresentation as you can muster when it comes to violence against women. Most violence against women is perpetrated by men the victim knows in situations that are intimate or social, where guns aren’t usually out. If someone during a domestic violence incident scrambles for the gun, it’s rarely going to be the person who doesn’t want this situation to get more violent. It’s particularly outrageous for Trotter to float this line of nonsense so soon after the headline-grabbing murder of Kasandra Perkins. Having guns in the house didn’t save her, and if Jovan Belcher hadn’t been able to unload nine bullets into her by simply grabbing a gun on hand, it’s likely she’d still be alive.” Gayle Trotter’s fantasies of fighting off violent men don’t have anything to do with women’s realities – Slate

“But now, “lady” splits the difference between the infantilizing “girl” and the stuffy, Census-bureau cold “woman.” (Both still have their place—just not in the witty conversation that young feminists want to be having.) It’s a way to stylishly signal your gender-awareness, without the stone-faced trappings of the second-wave. It’s a casual synonym for “woman,” a female counterpart to “guy,” commonly used in winking conversation between one in-the-know woman and another. A scan of my phone reveals dozens of text messages that begin, “hey lady.” General David Petraeus’s paramour, Paula Broadwell, reportedly concluded an e-mail to a friend, “GREAT to see you, pretty lady”—a more grown-up way of signing off “xo.”” Hey “Ladies” – New Republic

““To many survivors of multiple perpetrator assaults, the perpetrators are not just those who actively participate in the assault, but also those who are watching and do nothing to stop it,” says Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network’s (RAINN) VP of Victim Services, Jennifer Marsh. “Many perpetrators who participate in multiple perpetrator assaults would most likely never commit a rape by themselves. The idea that partaking in the assault reinforces membership in a particular group is why we often see these types of assaults among sports teams, fraternities, gangs, etc.”” Why Aren’t More Men Speaking Out Against Rape – Role / Reboot

“And while I may resent some of the political implications of beauty labor, and sometimes get cranky because of the time it can take for me to pull myself together (we’re talking about 10 minutes here once I’m showered, though my entire grooming procedure takes 55 minutes), what I don’t mind is its impermanence. In fact, as with pastry, that might be part of what I appreciate about it. Repeated mechanical labor can have a stultifying effect, but under the right conditions, it can also bring about a state of presence. It’s not quiteflow, because I think of that as being more about being engaged in the activity itself. While I might be thinking a little bit about, say, whether I want to wear lipstick that day or if I should use liquid or pencil eyeliner, most of the time the actions of beauty work become automatic: I reach for the same tools kept in the same place, I use the same spot on my hand to blend foundation, I apply my dry shampoo in the same spots—all of which frees up my mind to passively think about what lies ahead. I’m mentally steeling myself for a draining day at the office, or leaning into a day spent doing only exactly what I want to do, whatever that might be, or I’m calming nerves over an upcoming meeting. Or maybe I’m just thinking about a joke from the night before, or why Full House lasted as long as it did. The point is, I’m both engaged and separate; going through motions but allowing for mental drift. It’s both tuned in and checked out, a state of centering myself. It’s—I mean, forgive me, true practitioners of Zen, but isn’t that sort of meditation lite?” The Impermanence of Beauty Work – The Beheld