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Relationships & Boundaries- Phones

Hey there! How was your weekend? So I witnessed something about two weeks ago in my office and it got me thinking about what boundaries we need to set up or cross in relationships. Let me share the story with you.

So this guy comes in with his car to be serviced and his girlfriend came to meet him about an hour later. I knew it was probably his girlfriend cos well, they were all touchy and kissy LOL.

After some hours, the lady left, the guy escorted her but she forgot her phone on the chair. As the customer service officer, I picked the phone and kept it because I knew they would trace it back here when they discover it’s loss. Minutes later the phone started ringing and the caller id read ‘cutie’, I didn’t pick at first but when it rang two more times I decided to and just as I answered, the guy walked in with his phone against his ear, he was the one calling. I returned the phone and he sat adjacent to me.

Now the problem started. He started going through her messages, bbm and whatsapp chats and even her call log! He practically raped the phone LOL! My colleagues and I started talking about it over the intercom (busy bodies), we noticed the guy’s eyes became moist, he started breathing really fast that I thought he would have a seizure. He walked out about two times and he just didn’t seem okay but he kept on reading messages.

Now my question. Was it really necessary to have put himself through all that when he clearly wasn’t ready to handle whatever would have come out of it?

Looking at the way that guy reacted to whatever he saw on the babe’s phone, I honestly don’t know why he even went there at first.

I just had to share and get other people’s opinion on this issue of checking your partner’s phone. Yes, I know that’s one of the most efficient ways of spotting infidelities on your partner’s part but there are some conversations that you would see and misinterpret. Sometimes we just unnecessarily sow the seeds of mistrust in our hearts when we do that.

Although it has it’s advantages but does it really guarantee your partner’s fidelity? Won’t you be doing yourself and the relationship more harm than good?. Is the saying ‘what you don’t know won’t kill you’ really helpful when it comes to relationships?

I seem to have a lot of questions but personally I always want to know, infact once I have a tiny doubt in my mind, I automatically go into detective mode and start to dig, like really dig till I find something. Meanwhile I never let it affect my relationship with whoever it is because a part of me keeps me reasoning that I might not find anything and the person might just be innocent.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to advice you on how to run your relationships, we are all different and I even believe that the way I handle mine is really dangerous because by the time I finally find something to hold against the person, I discover that I also hurt myself in the process. Sometimes it’s worth it while other times it’s really not. In fact I’m very guilty when it comes to snooping (covers face) and most times I just end up getting angry unnecessarily because let’s face it, there’s no how your partner would be having a harmless conversation with the opposite sex and you won’t even try to read the littlest meaning into his/her replies. I’d habitually start to think of how he would have been smiling when he sent the ‘Hello’ or why he was asking ‘Have you had lunch yet?’, my head starts to think maybe he wanted to ask her out to lunch but then again what if he was just making conversation? LOL.

I know most of us have had experiences that have taught is not to give our trust out freely but why would you even go into a serious relationship with a bag full of trust issues and only God knows what else? If they haven’t earned your trust, why would you even risk putting your heart on the line too? Some of us don’t even trust our own siblings not to talk of an external person who may end up being as important to us as family or more.

I guess what’s really confusing is why we prefer to snoop first and ask questions later or maybe the snooping is what really brings out the questions but if we cannot deal with the answers then why put ourselves through all that?

I am aware that this is not a general trend and I am not even judging anyone because I’m much more guilty of this than some but I’d really love to hear your opinions about this. Do you consider checking your partner’s phone to be crossing the line? Or is it a boundary that shouldn’t even be there?

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0 thoughts on “Relationships & Boundaries- Phones ”

Lol. I’m imagining the guy sweating in an ac room. Well, I cant speak for others but I have never gone through any ones phone. I simply cant stomach somethings and yes things are often misinterpreted. I like to ask questions and if not satisfied I keep asking at odd times. Catch em off guard. Lol. Oh well. What do I know. I’m just a baby girl waitibg for chris hemsworth.

Well I think is a boundary that shouldn’t be there, since you are dating, you should be more open with each other. And then trust is something that is continually earned not just earned at once because people do change and do things they promise not to do.

We are only human and the only person who you should give your 100% trust to is God. Everyday you build up your trust level with your partner based on their actions not just give them at once.

Humans are unpredictable, some lie and decieve people just to get what they want. So if checking his or her phone is going to let you know your partner more, then do and if there is nothing to hide, it would even build up your trust for him or her.

But then there are also cases of misinterpreting what you see. Most times we should try to be understanding because you are dating someone doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have other friends. And then we should also know the difference between flirting and friendship.

I totally agree with Tife! You can’t just trust at once, it’s earned everyday. Personally I don’t go through peoples phones in general because i dislike people going through mine(even though there’s nothing there Lol). Its just like why? Mind your business…

Lol, this topic is quite controversial. Sometimes I feel like I should check and sometimes I do not.. Just going through pictures gives me silly ideas talk less of reading messages. I think it all depends on each person’s way of thinking.

Funny but really serious,
People in relationships shouldn’t keep dirty secrets with opposite Sex. Respect for your partner should always be key, these late night chats, flirting with the opposite sex, it’s bound to be a banana peel.
My partner can always check my phone… as there’s nothing to hide. If I do check and I have questions, I expect honest answers devoid of lies and defending the chats/person or accusing me of snooping.
If you have nothing to hide from your partner there’s no issue here

About Me

Hi, I'm Wumi Oguntuase (a.k.a Wumi 'Tuase), a talkative, stylist, fashion entrepreneur and basically Jane of all trades. This is the little space where I share my passion for affordable fashion and I hope you find something to inspire the fashionista in you!