When I want a good margarita, I make one. When I want great queso, I go to Mattito's for their Bob Armstrong queso with its taco meat and avocados and sour cream stirred into it. Sure, the restaurant's swarming with Uptownies, but the fact that I put up with them tells you how good the stuff is. The other day, I was having a casual chat with God about the economy and how his 401(k) is all effed now, and I don't know how it came up, but I asked him how he decided to name his most perfect queso invention after some dude named Bob Armstrong. He shed a little God tear and said Bob was the one that got away. I was shocked for a sec, because I always just assumed that God was straight—what with the whole rumor that he knocked up that one chick just by looking at her—and then he let me off the hook. "Just fucking with ya. Bob Armstrong's a former Texas legislator. He's cool. He set this bush on fire once and let me take all the cred."

I hadn't been to Mattito's during lunchtime, so when I went the other day, I was happily surprised to see that in addition to not costing an ass-load, Mattito's lunch specials aren't all your average taco and enchilada options. I ordered the No. 5, a $6.99 lunch special, which comes with a beef or chicken chile relleno (I went chicken with green sauce) that they top with some kind of sour cream tastiness and raisins (which I have to say I freaking looooove when the poblano pepper and raisins meet. It's perfection. It's like Clint Eastwood and a scowl—sure, one without the other is all right, but their powers combined make the ladies loose their shit) and nuts and then they smoosh it all in a poblano pepper plus they give you rice and beans. This dish was so good I wanted it to have a face so I could slap it for tasting so good and then passionately have a "Sorry I hit you, it's only because I was jealous of your awesomeness" make-out session with it. You will not need a to-go box. You might need a nap in about an hour, though.