Thursday, September 11, 2008

Love you schlong time rules:1. Pass this game on to 5 people2. Write down 5-10 ways your relationship ticks and works for you!3. Include a brief history of how you and your significant other met or a timeline, whichever you prefer :)Best part? NO WORD LIMIT!

Never go to bed angry- I have been in relationships where we could go weeks not talking to each other which equals not healthy, and not good. LOL. With my BF now, we never go to bed angry, meaning if we do fight, we talk about it once we both have cooled down so that we both have a better of understanding of each other, there's no reason to let anything stew for a long period of time with us. We both take the time to see why we were mad, and what we can do to fix it. We also talk things out because I never want to leave it with "unfinished business" in case something happens, God forbid I die, I want him to know that I do love him and have a last good memory, not the fact that oh we fought, morbid I know but hey it works! We never hang up the phone without saying "I love you" either, because you just never know...Keep the fire going- The first 5 months of dating is a dream- they are the "perfect" guy and you are the "perfect" girl...you try your best to impress them. But once you say yes I will be your bf/gf, you get so used to each other, habits you never saw before emerge, little things start to annoy you, fights ensue, and then for some- the sparks just fizzle. It's important in EVERY relationship, whether it being romantic, a friendship, or a relative, to keep the fire going. And what I mean is, doing YOUR part to keep the lines of communication open, to continually love each other, support each other, help each other out in times of need, and set aside a day or time to hang out with one another to "catch up". As busy as the BF and I are, we NEVER let a day pass where we don't brief each other on our day, we call each other in the morning on our way to work, sometimes at lunch, after work on our way home, and we talk before we go to bed. I know to some of you it may seem like a lot, but it's not like all of these are real, deep conversations. It can be as simple as to "How is your day so far?" "Oh today at work....", this allows both parties to feel wanted and for one another to listen and to vent. This helps the BF and I because we never run out of things to talk about so it's always refreshing. After 3 years we STILL go on dates, STILL get each other cards or small gifts "just because", basically we BOTH make the EFFORT to keep the fire going. Just because we are already "official" doesn't mean you should stop "impressing" that person.

Learn to Laugh- Laughter is the best medicine. Both the BF and I are comedians in our own right. Ask Anne she can vouch for this. The BF and I are always cracking jokes, being silly and stupid, we play pranks on each other, and call each other "meanie names". Sounds immature, but we are kids deep inside (which is why I think we'd make great parents). Life is too short to take things so seriously (which is why I hate people that comment negative things on YouTube, relax! It's just a video made for mere fun!) Even though the BF and I have crazy schedules sometimes, we always find time to squeeze in a good laugh. I can be so mad at him and he'll say something SOOOO damn funny, that I can't even be mad anymore or i'll forget why I was mad in the first place. We have the BEST time when we laugh and are just silly with one another. A true soul mate.

Set Goals For Yourself & With Each Other- It's important to have MINE, YOURS, and OURS when it comes to any aspect of a relationship. This includes money and time. Have your own life and your life together as a couple. This allows you to separate your emotions to focus on other things that are important to you. Nothing is more of a turn-off than someone who has no motivation or no goals set for themselves, and when one person is dependent on another person in a relationship (example: financially and emotionally) it can take a toll on the relationship. Make time for your friends and family, and time with your significant other- have a balance. Have your own money, and money you BOTH share, like if you live together and share the rent and utilities. The BF and I always talk about what we want to do in life, with each other or for ourselves. We always support each other and help one another to achieve that ultimate goal. We both want the same things luckily so we both work hard to achieve that while maintaining our own lives, he hangs out with his friends, I hang out with mine, and then we make time to hang out together.

Trust- Aahhh yes, TRUST. Trust is #1 and a big key to sustaining a good relationship, or for ANY relationship whether it being a friendship or a romantic relationship. Without it, it will NOT survive. Trust me. I have been cheated on in the past, and as much as my naive self in my teenage years was determined to make a 4 year relationship STILL work, it was hard to trust again and it fell apart. I also chose not to live like that- with worry once that person walks out that door. Who are they are going with? Where are they going? It's an utter waste of time and energy. You should be able to trust your partner and not have to question anything, if you do, you should not be in that relationship or any relationship period. The BF and I trust each other completely, we respect each other and we are always open and honest with one another. It's definitely a different feeling as oppose to other guys I have dated, where I actually felt wary of them. I personally don't like wasting time, so I made it clear when the BF and I got together, that if he wanted to cheat or whatever to just leave rather than staying with me and cheating. His ex cheated on him also, so at the beginning it was a challenge trying to trust each other, but time is a healer, and in time we got to know each other better, and our trust was built on that. I always tell him where I am going and who I am going with, not like he ever asks, but as a courtesy to him and to myself; I even introduced him to all my guy friends, who oddly enough are now good friends with the BF to the point that they hang out amongst themselves! My parents have been married for 27 years, so that's my example right there as to why I personally don't and have never cheated nor thought about it...

Be there- Be there for one another, yes through sickness and health, the whole shebang. Be there PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY, etc. Don't miss your gf's damn birthday I don't care if she isn't hitting a big milestone yet, don't EVER miss your gf's birthday just to watch a movie! (Yes, hence why this was the EX!) But be there for each other no matter what. Listen to one another, support one another, and don't put each other down no matter how bad things get. When your bf/gf is venting out to you, they just want someone to listen; they don't want "Well you shouldn't have done that...or you should have done this..." just lend a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Make yourself available to truly be there for each other. A reason why some people cheat is because they say their bf or gf was never there for them. When I am having a crappy day or a happy day, the first person I call to share the news with is the BF. And he is ALWAYS there with open arms, an open mind, and an open ear for me. Always reassuring me that things will be OKAY. Whenever I need him, he's there. Goes to all my family events and parties, etc. Him being there means a lot and says a lot. So it's important to always be there for each other.TIMELINE:2003- Was with my ex at the time, and Jon (current and hopefully LAST BF, LOL) was on shaky ground in his relationship with his ex. He left me a comment on Xanga, we knew a lot of the same people, had a few mutual friends...we became friends, he'd vent out to me about his gf. LOL. Was modeling almost full-time...

2003-2004- 4 year relationship ended with my ex. I was single and ready to mingle. Kept myself busy to get my mind off of things, didn't really wanna rush into another relationship so I worked 2 jobs, went to school full-time, joined AKPsi. Jon's ex was a bit crazy at the time, so she wasn't liking our friendship (yes we were TRULY JUST friends, he knows I wasn't attracted to him right off the bat! LOL), so I told him not to talk to me until they fix whatever it was that was broken. I lived on my own for the first time, was almost homeless, no joke. Struggling, did not have a car, a phone, or money to even buy food, was working two retail jobs that didn't pay crap, AND had to pay rent. Jon and I lost contact for a few months...dated a guy for like 3 months.

2004-2005- Walking to my Yoga class and finally had a phone, he called me saying that he got a new phone so that he was just calling everyone on his address book to see if they still had the same number (yeah right lol). He says he is no longer with that girl and that we should hang out. I agreed and we both decided to meet up for dinner at Red Lobster out of all places. We met and he couldn't look me in the eye because he was so shy!

2005- The fab 4 was formed. Since Jon and I were just friends at the time, we hung out with my best friend Erica, and another friend, it was always "the singles" hanging out everyday, going out to eat, watching movies and just having fun. Jon realizes he likes me and tells both of our friends in the fab 4 so THEY knew and never told me, LOL. At the same time, my other best friend Nat (a guy) liked me and so we TRIED to see how that went (it fizzled and of course was a gamble) but he wanted to try so why the heck not (as I liked him 4 years earlier before I got with my ex but he rejected me at the time, and didn't realize he liked me until I was already IN that relationship! lol), Jon then was a bit discouraged because of that situation, so he confided in my friends even more to do some "spying", haha. He told me he liked me and then he decided to make his move before he "lost" me again, by taking me to Palm Springs just to "get away".

July 17th, 2005- We went to Palm Springs and he asked me if he could give me something, I said yes, and he gave me our first kiss. We became official, but he didn't ask me to be his GF just yet...but that's the date we were "official" in the sense that it was us from that point on, but I always teased him how we are not bf/gf since he never asked me.

November 2005- On my flight to NY for a business trip, I pulled out my wallet to get my ID to board, and noticed a small piece of paper. It was a letter and at the bottom there were a series of questions I had to answer that would form one big question, which was "WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?"

July 17th, 2008- Fast forward, we just celebrated our 3 year anniversary officially as a couple and so far so good! We are now making plans to move into our own place so it's exciting how far we've come as individuals and as a couple. And it's comforting to have someone that's just everything I need...awww! LOL

Extraordinary wisdom for your age, Vanessa. Either you've been through a lot OR you read/contemplate a lot. Or perhaps you're just very blessed. Very valuable mind you have there-wish I knew more people like you. I am taking your piece about "mine, yours, and ours goals" to heart b/c I feel my "mine" goals have faded into the background. Thanks for the inspiration.

i finally saw that letter you were talking about. aww i gotta hand to jon, he did pretty well in trying to swoon you. LOL.

you guys are my fave couple to hang out with !! i get a friggin ab workout from laughing just watching you guys respond to each other. or cause to me to my near death because i'm choking on my food. lol.

You two have something special sis. I'm so glad that a guy like Jon is making my sis feel so great that she took the time to write exactly how she felt on such a warm and inspiring post. Now THAT is love, girlfriend! I'm so happy for you two.

I can't wait until you two have to come up to the bay area! Hugs to you both :D

I love this post. I always looking at your post and was inspired so much.

Especially this one, as I have a big problem to sort out my bf feeling about me that had been faded. This one gave me strength. I actually could decide what to do and feel. Also be ready if worst things would happen.

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