IF NFL REFS LOCKOUT MEANS FILL-IN ZEBRAS, GAMES WOULD BE A ZOO

Those of you who long for a more animated, a more agitated, a more angry Norv Turner soon may get your wish. If the NFL’s lockout of the 120 unionized game officials hasn’t ended by the season opener and subs take their stripes on the field, Norv may morph into some Comic-Con creature, pulling out his hair and anyone’s standing close to him.

Because it could be a disaster. And if not, it’s hard to imagine the situation being much better than fiasco level. Can’t wait to see Bill Belichick after one of these well-meaning amateurs blows a call.

Turner won’t say it, only, “I think they (The League) have a good plan,” except the Chargers coach (who chuckles at the fans getting their wish) has to know there can’t be a good plan. The subs won’t even be coming from Division I football. Lower. Even high school zebras have been recruited.

“No question, it would have an effect,” Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers says. “As a quarterback, you grow to appreciate the referees. No doubt it’s a different game than the one they’re used to calling, not just the speed, but the rules.”

A totally different game. It’s hard enough for the professionals who police the sport now. The NFL is a blur. The League says it puts safety first, but the officials are the first line of defense for the players.

Mike Pereira, the retired longtime NFL vice president of officiating who now serves as rules analyst for Fox Sports’ NFL and college football coverage, isn’t one to shill for his former employer. And he’s lived through a lockout. He doesn’t like it. Doesn’t like it at all.

“If they don’t reach an agreement, I think it will affect the game enormously,” he says. “We’re constantly hearing from the league about player safety and the integrity of the game, but they both will be compromised.

“They’re replacing the best in the world with some guys who do high school games? They’re going to see speed like they’ve never seen before. The league averages 12 years experience per official. Now you’re putting guys in with zero experience. We’ll see more mistakes, more injuries, if it goes on any length of time.”

Thing is, coaches and most players know the officials. They know them, how they react in certain situations. As Rivers says: “Some of them talk; some of them never say a word the entire game.” They aren’t going to know a thing about these people. They will come into camps to work scrimmages and, if the thing isn’t settled, into the preseason. If it goes past that, fans aren’t going to be watching proper football.

“Teams scout officials; they scout the tendencies of officials,” Pereira says. “That’s out the window now. They’re going to be seeing officials they’ve never seen before. I’ve been there, in 2001, when they missed the first game and then came back after 9/11. That was a strange group.

“In 2001, we cherry-picked some Division I officials, but they won’t send them now — everyone’s agreed; they don’t want their guys doing it. They’re getting semipro officials. The league is going to tell clubs not to say anything’s wrong and things will be OK. Well, it’s not going to be OK.

“This is the NFL, and fans deserve the very best. Drew Brees is making millions and who’s protecting him? You have to muddle through the preseason with the real officials losing valuable time to prepare. Friends become enemies and resentment lingers. All I know is, if I’m a big-time quarterback in this league I want to know who’s back there protecting me.”

The hair pull is about money of course and there haven’t been any negotiations lately between The League and officials’ union.

“My personal vibe is that it could go on through the first quarter of the season,” Pereira says. “There’s more animosity now and it involves pensions. The pension always has been the key thing for officials and the league wants to do away with it and go to a 401(k) plan. They want more pay and they’re way apart there.

“They just want the status quo with the pension. The league wants to do what industries in peril do, switch to a 401(k). But I think we all find it difficult to look at it and say the NFL is in peril. The officials aren’t going to get what they want and the league isn’t going to get what it wants, so both sides have to give. It’s not going to be good for the game, but both sides seem entrenched. The league seems like it’s trying to negotiate through the media.”

I’m a big fan of zebras — in eastern Africa — but the human kind are essential to our games, and NFL officials, despite not being full-time employees, do the best job under terribly difficult circumstances. I just can’t see any way this won’t be a calamity.

“There are people who are loved and hated,” Pereira says. “Officials are tolerated and hated.”

And best when invisible. I have a feeling this new crop is going to be a gaggle of sore thumbs.