I'm just hoping that my budding relationship with Mr. Handsome, Kind, and Smart doesn't fizzle with my upcoming change in my work schedule. I swear I'm cursed - I can either have the time and money to have a relationship or someone to have one with!

I had dinner with a couple of single female friends Tuesday evening, of course the discussion turned to happy/unhappy relationships. I said my bro & sil are the unhappiest couple I know, I keep wondering why they stay together and are miserable.

My friend A says, "probably because they are afraid they will die sad and alone like us."

I said, "I'm not sad and I don't think I am going to die alone. I have kids, siblings & friends around."

Friend B said, "I'm with you, I have kids and friends too and I'm not sad either."

Friend A had nothing else to say. I'm concerned that she is so unhappy that she really does believe she is going to die sad and alone. Of all my friends she is the one complaining regularly about being alone, she is also the one that does nothing to change that. I was just shocked that she lumped us in with her. The topic died a rapid brutal death and was not brought up again during dinner.

I had dinner with a couple of single female friends Tuesday evening, of course the discussion turned to happy/unhappy relationships. I said my bro & sil are the unhappiest couple I know, I keep wondering why they stay together and are miserable.

My friend A says, "probably because they are afraid they will die sad and alone like us."

I said, "I'm not sad and I don't think I am going to die alone. I have kids, siblings & friends around."

Friend B said, "I'm with you, I have kids and friends too and I'm not sad either."

Friend A had nothing else to say. I'm concerned that she is so unhappy that she really does believe she is going to die sad and alone. Of all my friends she is the one complaining regularly about being alone, she is also the one that does nothing to change that. I was just shocked that she lumped us in with her. The topic died a rapid brutal death and was not brought up again during dinner.

Yup. i am convinced there are plenty of couples who stay together for that very reason. But I'm like you and your other friend. WHile i don't have kids, i have friends and family, and enjoy being alone. If you had to ask me the one thing I woudl change about my life, its not that I'd want a partner, its that I wish i could be financially stable for the rest of my life, and be able to buy a house, be debt free, travel, and have fun. THAT is the only thing I'd change.

Friend A had nothing else to say. I'm concerned that she is so unhappy that she really does believe she is going to die sad and alone. Of all my friends she is the one complaining regularly about being alone, she is also the one that does nothing to change that.

The sad truth is that this may prove to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is not common for a person to be attracted to someone who is visibly unhappy and complaining while doing nothing to change it. I hope your friend can take notes from you, Redneck Gravy!

Friend A had nothing else to say. I'm concerned that she is so unhappy that she really does believe she is going to die sad and alone. Of all my friends she is the one complaining regularly about being alone, she is also the one that does nothing to change that.

The sad truth is that this may prove to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is not common for a person to be attracted to someone who is visibly unhappy and complaining while doing nothing to change it. I hope your friend can take notes from you, Redneck Gravy!

And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

I also like the idea of having separate spaces in a shared dwelling... I think I would really need that if I lived with someone else. I am way too used to living alone and having things my own way. Even stuff like, putting something down and knowing no one will move it, so it will be right there when I go looking for it. That sort of thing happens with my parents all the time, that one of them will deliberately put something somewhere for a reason, and the other one will go and move it for another reason. I wouldn't call that a reason to never have someone else in the house ever, but it's certainly discouraging. Or weird things showing up in the fridge when you don't know what they are, how long they've been there, if anyone really plans to eat them. My dad is infamous for doing this. My fridge is almost embarrassingly empty, I know what everything is, *I* put it there, and I can throw it out or eat it whenever I want without consulting anyone.

Of course there are downsides, too, sometimes things I've never even thought about before. For example, I'm trying to move into a new position at work, and my boss (who is an alarmist, I must admit) was telling me how it would be so much easier to move me to this position if I had a spouse who was also employed at the company. They do "spousal hiring" as a perk to lure/keep good employees, allowing their spouses to bypass a lot of the usual channels for gaining employment. But obviously there's no equivalent thing for a single employee. Great, thanks for putting that in my head.

If she doesn't have children, and you and your friend do, don't you think your response was a little cruel? Being alone with no partner is very different to being single with children.

Well, she does at least have friends, though, since she was eating with two of them. It wasn't a very good reflection on how she felt about them, either. I would be kind of shocked, too, if a single friend tried to say "all of us" were "sad and alone"--sometimes I do feel that way myself, but it's not a very good characterization to hear from someone else. I do feel kind of bad for her, though. Maybe you guys could make getting together a regular thing, maybe go out and do some activities together for fun (if you don't already)?