Regrets

An article from PopSugar dated June 7, 2017 suggested thirty five things you’ll regret in life. I personally feel that the number is low by several orders of magnitude but I thought I would give a curmudgeon’s perspective on these things.

1.Holding grudges

Naw, this is part of my fabric. How can you be a true curmudgeon without holding grudges as long as possible?

2. Not going to the dentist regularly

I would go more often if the fluoride rinse came in better flavors, like scotch or bourbon.

3. Losing touch with friends

I get reacquainted the moment they win a lottery.

4. Stressing yourself out too much

It’s nothing that can’t be remedied by heavy drinking or recreational drugs.

5. Letting fear stop you from trying something

Review Jackass: the Movie first.

6. Not traveling enough

Apply regret number 5 to your visits to North Korea, Iran, Syria and Yemen.

7. Burning bridges

I burn bridges only when I get to them.

8. Keeping toxic people in your life

See regret number 1.

9. Being overly strict with your diet

No problem.

10. Hating yourself

Hating others comes first.

11. Not being there when someone needed you most

If someone needs a curmudgeon most, they are in trouble.

12. Treating your parents poorly

Even a curmudgeon loves his parents. What did they ever do to deserve me?

13. Worrying about money so much

It’s nothing that can’t be resolved by winning the lottery or straight sevens at the one-armed bandit.

14. Letting the little things get to you

See regret number 1.

15. Living life based upon what someone else wants

Unless that someone else is your spouse, family or pet.

16. Staying angry at someone

See regret number 1.

17. Not saying “I love you

Can you imagine a curmudgeon saying “I love you?”

18. Ignoring your body

Personally, I try to ignore my body as much as possible.

19. Overworking yourself

No problem.

20. Not spending enough time with family

Even a curmudgeon agrees. I do tell my family that “I smile because I am related to them; I laugh because there is nothing they can do about it.”

21. Listening to haters

See regret number 1.

22. Not taking that much needed vacation

If only someone else would pay for it.

23. Having enemies

See regret number 1.

24. Treating someone badly

Unless they hurt your family, friends or pets.

25. Worrying so much about what others think

The more I think of others, the less I think of others.

26. Not going for that dream job

If only Warren Buffet, Bill Gates or Steve Jobs had called me. Maybe they did not have my number.

27. Not taking care of your physical and mental health

I avoid both physical and mental activity as much as possible so as to preserve both.

28. Being close-minded

See regret number 1.

29. Doing the bare minimum

At my age I am not doing the bare minimum, I am conserving energy.

30. Being afraid to take more risks

Are you one of those people who will avoid risk to make it safely to death?

31. Not enjoying life more

See regret number 1.

32. Being selfish

Ditto.

33. Closing people off

Also ditto.

34. Not giving back

I always give back, usually with the back of my hand.

35. Letting someone other than yourself be in charge of your happiness