It's Complicated. A blog about my experiences with polyamory, and life in general.

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Changes

So yesterday I learned from Dreamer and Catalyst that it’s okay to talk about the changes that have happened recently, and I specifically asked Catalyst if he’s okay if I blog about it, and he said I can.

Catalyst and Dreamer have been, as Dreamer puts it, “redefining their relationship” for a while. We live in a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment, and the plan was that we would all three sleep in the master bedroom, and I would store most of my stuff in the second bedroom (and I also mainly used the second bathroom, since I get up for work an hour and a half before they do), but it would be open for all of us to use if we had a date night with someone else, or if we just wanted some privacy.

About two weeks into living together, I moved my stuff into the master bedroom and bathroom, and Dreamer moved into the second bedroom and bathroom; she also doesn’t sleep with us anymore.

Not much has really changed about the atmosphere at home, and as far as I can tell we’re still living together at least until the end of our year long lease (10.5 months left). I’m not sure what the long term plan is, and I don’t really want to speculate about their relationship here, so I’m trying to just stick with the facts that I’m certain about. Catalyst describes it as them effectively being separated right now, and divorce is a possibility, but who knows? I don’t.

It’s been a little weird for me, suddenly being Catalyst’s only romantic relationship, and sharing all my space with him. It’s also going to be interesting for when Ember visits, because Ember and I really treasure our one on one time, and now there isn’t an easy extra bedroom for us to hide away in. By default, if we want a night alone, we have to displace someone, and that’s not the arrangement I originally signed up for. He visited briefly for a camping event one weekend (that I had to miss because I had to work. Sigh) and Catalyst and Dreamer were very accommodating and pleasant about it, but it’s just not the same as having the second bedroom free and open all the time. Still, we’ll make it work. Change happens, and we adjust.

Of course, I worry that people are going to think I’m a homewrecker. I wasn’t hoping for this, and I wasn’t trying to make this happen. Honestly, (and I’ve told Catalyst this many times), if I’d been a bit more aware of how their relationship was doing, I would not have started dating him. I was specifically only dating people who already had at least one established, happy, primary relationship. On the other hand, two years ago, this current situation seemed quite unlikely.

So lots of change. Catalyst hasn’t started telling people yet, but I think Dreamer has been telling close friends/other partners. Ember has known about things as they’ve happened, but this is the first time I’m saying anything about it to anyone else. I’m not sure how many people in our social circle are following my blog, so I don’t know how long it’ll take for the news to spread. What I’ve said here is pretty much all I know, so if anyone’s curious about more info, they should talk directly to either Catalyst or Dreamer.