Menu

Warren Kelvin, Never Let an Erection Get in the Way of Flying!

Just when you thought it was safe to check your luggage and board your flight again, people like Warren Kelvin pop up, literally. At Nashville International Airport Warren Kelvin of Wyoming walked through a TSA checkpoint with an unmistakable erection. With only sweat pants to shield bystanders from seeing his “birthday suit”, Warren screamed “I’m next” as he pushed his way through the other people who were waiting in line as well to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kevin made sure to ingest two Viagra and only wore sweatpants without boxers before his flight on Southwest from Nashville to Phoenix.
Warren Kelvin who is 34 years old is a prime example that age doesn’t matter for how mature someone is, if you think otherwise, please describe why someone would have the urge to do what he did!

TSA officials permitted Kelvin to pass through the security at first without the controversial pat down, and even though he made it through the security the first time, Kelvin insisted on going out of the terminal and coming right back in only to get right back in line for security to check him again. Which doesn’t make sense to me, why wouldn’t you stop this man from constantly going in and out of the line looking like that? It took TSA 80 minutes and four trips through the security to finally bring Kelvin into the back and thoroughly inspected as he wished to be. Duncan Allbright, an officer of TSA finally bit the bullet for everyone and did a screening of Kelvin in a private security room.

Duncan Allbright, a 14 year veteran of airport security, made sure to announce his retirement right after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.” Now I’m not knocking Allbright here, but who enjoys touching strangers? But I don’t blame him for retiring after that, people are becoming bigger idiots than ever before and I’m sure TSA has seen a lot of them!

U.S Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano said “I am hoping this is an isolated incident. If flights were a lot cheaper, I could see more people doing this, but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.”