Let’s face it, I really suck at updating this website. Something about how I would rather be watching The Flash or Supergirl on CW or eating lobsterthermidor in my pajamas:

Stock photo of yours truly, yes, abs included…ladies

Anyway, I suppose I have a real “job” (actually two), but I still enjoy writing about movies so much. Besides, I imagine hardly anything happened while I wasn’t doing this.

What in the holy windstorm? This is not right and I will boycott his death – #NotMyCorpse

Well that sort of puts a damper on things. One of my top favorite actors dies of complications from surgery. There are not supposed to be complications, that’s why it’s performed by a real licensed surgeon. Rest in Peace Mr. Paxton, you’re where tornadoes, aliens, or Kevin Bacon can’t get you. Well, there isn’t anything that could possibly make me feel better after that bit of news.

Oh, a new Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 trailer. And I know that James Gunn didn’t invent the trailer with a catchy song played over it (in case you were wondering, this time it’s Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’), but until he did the first Guardians of the Galaxy trailer. We were introduced to misfits, Chris Pratt, and “a bunch of a-holes” while the tune of Blue Swede’s ‘Hooked on a feeling’ was burrowing inside of our ears like a disgusting vagina monster.

We’ll get to these guys soon

Like I said, that trailer didn’t break any new ground, but I don’t believe we’d have a sequel (let alone Ant-Man, Doctor Strange, and a freaking INFINITY WAR AVENGER’S FILM) if it wasn’t for that trailer. I know Iron Man was what started this whole Marvel (then Disney) train, but since when did Robert Downey Jr. help spawn this:

“I think we’re going to need a bigger set” – Russo Brothers

The rest of the beautiful trailer is guns, gadgets, one-liners, cute tree creatures, and Kurt Russell doing his best visual impression of Jeff Bridges:

That was the big news was that of all the critically acclaimed films nominated for Best Picture, Bonnie and Clyde themselves, stole the Oscar and gave it to La La Land. We don’t know if Faye Dunaway (Bonnie) or Warren Beatty (Clyde) did it on purpose , but La La Land wasn’t the winner. Come to find out that Moonlight actually won the Oscar for Best Picture. And in the classiest move since The Queen Tweeted to her Country last year, La La Land producer Jordan Horowitz announced that the real winner was Moonlight.

You, Jordan Horowitz, are the real MVP

My personal choice would have been Hidden Figures, but honestly, I only saw one of the other films that were nominated, so in this case, you really shouldn’t take this film reviewer’s opinion (although Hidden Figures really is amazing). While the Academy is still science fiction adverse (umm, Arrival), I had my own personal “Best Picture” in 2016…

“And I’m insanely sexy” – Deadpool

It was either that or Captain America: Civil War.

Oh yeah, forgot about these things, never forget about these terrifying creatures

In 1977, the world at large was introduced to a beautiful and bright eyed 19-year-old girl in the science fiction/fantasy saga known as Star Wars. There were many beloved figures in that film and the subsequent sequels, prequels, and even cartoons, but to many, none shown so bright as a star than Carrie Fisher. Today, December 27th, 2016, that starlight has vanished when, after a heart attack just a few days ago, she passed away.

So many of us will need this today.

Like many of you, and myself, this will be a heartbreaking affair. Not only did we love Carrie Fisher and her work, but have grown up knowing her as Princess Leia. There are a few things about her work that some forget to acknowledge and even admire. As I was not born yet, but raised on the Disney Princesses, I had an idea of what a Princess should be. Looking back at the Star Wars films as an adult, Carrie Fisher and the writers had already re-imagined what a Princess should be and absolutely what they could be.

A Warrior Princess – and one with the attitude to match

I don’t have many words as this is a close loss of an actor as I’ve seen in a while and at the age of 60, Carrie was relatively young. I do want to draw your attention to a few things that Carrie loved and cared about over the years and perhaps you’ll get a glimpse of her as a person.

Her latest book, The Princess Diarist, which can be purchased here, show another side of the actress we all grew up loving. Carrie’s struggle with addiction and mental illness made her respected in the acting community as she was willing to speak open and honestly about what so many of us have have struggled with through the years. I believe her having the courage to be self-deprecating and share her pain is something that should be admired. She was an active advocate of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and if you feel the need to share something with the Princess you loved, go there are donate so that so many can benefit from their, and her, support.

Her look of loss and sadness in the Empire Strikes Back, something that I myself emulated earlier today.

Other than her charities and causes, Carrie Fisher had a few true loves in her life. One being her daughter, Billie Catherine Lourd, who actually had a brief cameo appearance in The Force Awakens. Then there was Gary Fisher, her pet dog who was there with her everywhere she went and stayed by her side til the end. And when she took Gary as her date to the premier of The Force Awakens, it was a love that all could see and easily identify with due to their own love of their pets. I’m sure we will all mourn for her, but pet parents will know that Gary, who has his own Instagram page, will be particularly lost without his mother.

Gary stealing the charisma from the roomCarrie Fisher’s longtime co-star and friend Mark Hamill, bringing his own dog, a rescue named Millie, to accompany Carrie and Gary to the wrap party for The Force Awakens

There are not many things left to say about the great Carrie Fisher, but I hope that you were able to learn a little more about the person behind the Princess who stole our hearts so many years ago. You will be missed Carrie Fisher and we here at IWTMM thank you for your contribution to film and to society as a whole.

Morning Bleary-Eyed fans, hope everyone had an excellent weekend…well, at least better than Sony did with the new Ghostbusters film. Only have time for a quick recap of last weekend’s Box Office results, but I really have to apologize for the lack of posts recently and of course I want to spend just a moment to mourn all the lives lost in the past few weeks. I love films more than a lot of things, but escapism right now feels, I don’t know, wrong. Especially when so many are suffering. Now I don’t want to speak for anyone other than myself (Manchicken has his own opinions), and it’ll be quick. So just as simple as it can be: Black Lives Matter, White Lives Matter, All Minority Lives Matter, and NO ONE deserves to die at the hand of another other, absolute extreme circumstances notwithstanding.

Not near enough of a token to those that were killed.

Also, to keep in the spirit with the subject of the website, but honestly, they had the answer to the future’s woe’s back in 1989. It was in a slacker time travel comedy that starred a young Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter, called Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure:

In a summer where we’ve had Marvel’s Civil War, DC’s Batman vs. Superman, and even epic Netflix show Daredevil Season 2, I’m actually starting to see the fatigue about superhero films. Not that any one of those I mentioned above were bad, in fact, I thought all of them were pretty awesome, but I will finally give into the roar of those having said there is too much out there.

Now that I look at it, even this outdated infographic is overwhelming. And realizing this is an OUTDATED one is kinda crazy…

Anyway, onto X-Men: Apocalypse.

I will say that I had a larger measure of excitement for this film for several reasons. First, I just could not wait to see another one of Evan Peter’s Quicksilver moments. Seriously, when I first saw X-Men: Days of Future Past, I wholeheartedly wanted to rewind the actual theater film to see it again and I doubt anyone would have complained. Instead I just saw it in theaters another time before the Blu-Ray. The next expectation was actually being a little bit in the dark about this villain and stories revolving around him.

Now after seeing the film, I have to give it up again to Evan Peters and Brian Singer. I don’t know how they did it, but they managed to top the last Quicksilver scene. And just because I love it, this was the first one:

I’ve sure you’ve all seen it, but it’s just too cool. Absolutely one of the best scenes I’ve seen done in any action film in the past few years. Now, with as amazing as that was, Peters’ scene was 10 times better and his role was expanded (one of the fatal flaws from the last X-Men). So, for my enjoyment, the scene in Apocalypse was worth the price of admission right there. So, it’s easy for me to say if your favorite part in Days of Future Past was Quicksilver’s, I don’t have to say anything else, go see X-Men: Apocalypse.

Just a teaser image…yeah, it’s that cool, and fast.

So my next level of excitement was built upon being a bit ignorant of Apocalypse himself. Also, while watching the trailers, I couldn’t help but think “How the hell can they stop this seemingly ‘world-ending’ event?” It just looked like the stakes were really extreme and this team had never faced such a force.

This is where I felt the problems started. The “world-ending” event created by Apocalypse and Magneto sure looked and sounded cool, but I really just didn’t feel anything for “the world”. That’s an odd way of saying it, but the stakes around the world in the film seemed too cutoff. The final confrontation just didn’t measure up to what was promised. Lead me to being a bit disappointed.

And I REALLY wanted World War III

For me, the “meh” ending left a sour taste in my mouth that likely colored most of my feelings for the film. Have said that, the cast really still gels at all times. James McAvoy is doing such a good job progressing as Xavier, each film he grows up and gets more hopeful for a world with mutants and humans. I really like his take and as long as he’s in the role, I’ll never worry.

Fassbender continues to be the absolute best actor in these films. His tortured past, the way he speaks to the other mutants, and even how he undulates between extreme violence to essentially being an awesome construction worker is amazing. It seems that Singer has something out for Magneto because nothing good ever comes to this guy. No spoilers here, but even attempting to live a normal life, he gets no brakes from Brian Singer or the writers. It’s enough to almost make you feel really sad for the guy, but still, you know him as the consummate villain in X-Men.

Everyone else does a great job, but it feels like a bit of the dialogue was just phoned in by both the actors and the writers. They spent a lot of time with the principal characters that you’d know from the other films and gave very little to the new additions. Olivia Munn certainly looked like Psylocke, but I can’t even remember if she completed a full sentence. It was pretty much that way for everyone else new. Also, as much as I was excited to see some new, younger blood play the characters of Storm, Cyclops, Jean Grey (more on her later), and Nightcrawler, there was a feeling of them retreading the same ground…just with more teen angst and outfits.

Not saying “Emo-Nightcrawler” is a problem, and I’d totally dress like I was in the Thriller music video too if I was him, but there was just a feeling of “someone already did it better”.

My last few thoughts are still on the cast. It’s hard not to love Jennifer Lawrence, but her Mystique was more Katniss this round than anything else. I just have a feeling they don’t know how to use the character in this most recent series. I just still cannot see a connection between Lawrence’s Mystique and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos’ version in the initial movie in 2000. Of course Brian Singer could still find a way to make her hate so much that she’d become that person. It won’t be anytime soon with Singer taking a break from the franchise.

I also just realized I’ve been spelling his name “Brian” instead of “Bryan”. Tough, I paid good money to see his movie, I’m going to leave it. Also, the last time he left the franchise, we got Brett Ratner to finish the series, so he doesn’t deserve his precious “y”

One of the things I must say is that it wouldn’t be an X-Men movie without it staring or having Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine showing up. I have to say that I really enjoyed the route they went in this film. It was actually so cool and in light of an “R-Rated” Wolverine movie hitting soon, it makes me that much more excited for that film and not being bothered with the level of violence it could showcase.

Did I do that???? Yes, yes I did.

Finally, we have to talk about Sansa Stark Jean Grey. Sophie Turner does what she can to make the role about a troubled mutant with too much power, but it just doesn’t come through. Anyone who has ever picked up an X-Men comic or watched the first trilogy knows where this is going. The Dark Phoenix is pretty much the only interesting thing for Jean Grey, but ever since the 1990’s cartoon, I just can’t take any more of that storyline. Seriously, the fatigue I have takes up more space in my head that I can no longer remember my mother’s face.

This is her, right?

The rest just had to deal with Apocalypse himself. When you have Hollywood’s latest “Best Actor Ever”, the least you could do is give him some real meat to work with. Sadly, Oscar Isaac is just lost in the film and unfortunately, as the main villain, he was pretty lame. Maybe they didn’t portray him correctly, I mean, I don’t know squat about his character in the comics, but he just seemed like he had unlimited telekinesis and picked out four random bodyguard mutants. There just wasn’t anything special about him. At least when the X-Men are fighting Magneto or Trask and his Sentinels, then it’s an ideological fight where this was just a destruction measuring contest with Roland Emmerich. And sorry Singer, you lose that award.

“They like to get the landmarks.” -Jeff Goldblum, Independence Day: Resurgence

Didn’t read my fancy words, here is the short version:

If you love Evan Peters’ Quicksilver or Michael Fassbender’s Magneto, you should be sold on this film. Even casual X-Men fans will enjoy this and anyone enjoying the superhero genre films will like it. But, if you’ve already taken in Deadpool, Batman vs. Superman, Civil War, and are really excited for Doctor Strange later this year…then RedBox wouldn’t be such a bad idea for this one. Even with all the typical X-Men charm on display.

We don’t have much in the realm of content this morning (while I will do the updated box office since we have some really cool numbers to go over), but based on the recent success of Disney/John Favreau’s The Jungle Book, I wanted to show off Disney’s latest live action update.

Since Maleficent (which was more of a “behind-the-scenes” version of Sleeping Beauty), Disney has been on a constant string of success with their live-action material from their animated films. Like last year’s Cinderella:

Simply marvelous and beautiful if I do say so myself

To this years’ epic The Jungle Book, it’s now hard to ignore the charm and actually faithfull filmmaking going into these new live-action adaptations.

In 2017, Disney hopes that we will enjoy another update of a classic tale and bring the same care along with it. As short as it is, I give you the very cinematic looking Beauty and the Beast teaser trailer:

I’m not sure if you saw the same teaser I did, but from the very beginning, with the cold and snow sweapt castle and the lone light at the top of the tower in the Disney logo, I was hooked.

This is my best effort at a screenshot along with cropping, so if it’s terrible, I blame lazy cats. But isn’t the logo pretty?

I only have a few comments regarding the teaser. First off, I’m not sure Ewan McGregor (portraying the sex-feind candalabra Lumiere) knows what a French accent actually is. Hopefully his Jedi training will kick in and he’ll change a bit. On the opposite spectrum, you have Ian McKellen’s Cogworth using every aspect of Magneto and Gandalf to not giving a flipping crap about what a French accent might be. Even the titular star, Emma Watson as Belle doesn’t even try. I will not say she’s stuck as Hermoine from the Harry Potter films, but I’d like the actors to do something like, oh I don’t know, THEIR JOB!

He’s throwing shade at Kevin Costner. This is a very deep inside joke, good luck at getting it.

Secondly, I have to give Disney such props by allowing Alan Menken to do the music for this film. The reason I say that is that, is Menken also did the score to the 1991 Animated Beauty and the Beast. It’s almost as if Disney is daring you to call them on it.

Their new bodyguards are pretty serious.

Finally, I have to get excited with them choosing Bill Condon to direct the film. While he does have a few Twilight movies on his resume, we can’t hold mistakes against people who lose bets all the time. The films he did that are spectacular far outweight anything else.

So, I’m excited that one of my favorite Disney films is getting updated with excellent actors, a competent director, and a fantastic (yet repetitve) scoremaster. Now, if only they would only do my favorite Disney film:

I will “Go the Distance” for this film. Yeah, I know that’s a bad joke, but hell I want this film.

“This is a rebellion, isn’t it? I rebel.”

After months and well over a year of anticipation, the first trailer for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is here and the above line of dialog sets the tone for the movie itself.

After last year’s unbelievable success of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, many of us didn’t know where the franchise could take us next or even have a reasonable follow-up until Episode VIII. This morning, Disney answered our queries with a trailer for the prequel to A New Hope.

And no, I don’t think this is what they had in mind for a prequel. Unless there is a funeral scene…that would be worth watching.

Rogue One is the first of many canonical movie tie-ins that Disney has dubbed “Star Wars Stories“. I’m fairly certain they had that already and it was called the Expanded Universe, but those ass-clowns went ahead an tossed that all out. I’m not bitter at all.

This is the story of Jyn Erso (portrayed by the English actress Felicity Jones). You might have seen her in the Stephen Hawking documentary film The Theory of Everything. Other than being an excellent Mrs. Hawking, Miss Jones has mainly done things across the pond.

Sadly not in this across the pond show…

Jyn Erso seems to be a likable criminal. And what do likable criminals do best in film? Steal stuff! And like every good heist film, the stakes have to be unimaginably high. In this case, we already know what she’s looking for: the plans for the Death Star. This is a heavy subject and one quest fans have been wanting to see for a long time.

I can be relatively sure that no one asked for this…

Under the hood of this film are some interesting choices for director- Gareth Edwards, best known for the low budget film Monsters (2010) and rebooting the Godzilla (2014) franchise. I’m completely down with someone new and fresh getting the reins of a Star Wars film, I just don’t know what Disney realize he was the man for the job while watching giant kaiju destroy cities.

“Well, it’s gotta be better than this guy. Bring in the Godzilla guy.”

Also of interest is bringing on a giant in the world of visual effects, John Knoll as a writer. Knoll has been the Visual Effects Supervisor for amazingly gorgeous films like Pacific Rim, Avatar, and even Star Trek: First Contact. He also worked on the Prequel Trilogy, but those films still looked good at least. I wonder how his talents will be utilized as a writer. Will it be more ambitious or will he have written much more manageable effects? We’ll see.

There is a wild card in the cast. Not only do we have Hoban Washburne or “Wash” (Alan Tudyk) and King of Important Plot Development- Forest Whitaker, but we have one of the most mysterious men in cinema: Mads Mikkelsen. After facing off with Daniel Craig’s James Bond in CasinoRoyale, he decided to face off against Laurence Fishburne in the critically acclaimed, and down right disturbing, TV show Hannibal.

Seriously, I don’t know who he’s playing, and frankly, I just don’t want to think of him at all. It’s safer that way.

Oh god it just got worse…

Finally, we have the music. Taking over for John Williams this time is Alexandre Desplat, the composer from the Harry Potter films, to Argo and Zero Dark Thirty. He also worked with Edwards on 2014’s Godzilla, so it seems the two kept each other’s business cards at least.

The rest of the trailer keeps some beautiful sights, combat, and all out war in the open and in the trenches for everyone to see and it’s really something. Now I’m not shaking with excitement like I did with 2014’s The Force Awakens teaser, but I am really interested in Disney’s “Star Wars Stories” films. Could be shameless money grab, or allowing more of the Galaxy Far Far Away to showcase more than just Jedi…

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story hits theaters December 18th and remember, when they debut the actual trailer for this one in September/October- BUY YOUR TICKETS THEN.

Introduction

So, I haven’t had time to post regular reviews – live is complicated – but I’m still narcissistic enough to think you care which movies I’ve been watching. So, I’m going to use this Movie Log format to share with you all what I’ve been watching.

We will still be posting regular reviews (darkmovienight will, probably), but this will be a way for me to post stuff which is less involved, and more off-the-cuff. Think opinionated stream-of-consciousness style movie reviews.

A quick moment to point out that darkmovienight is the guy who makes almost all of the content on this site. Sure, I do the server-ey stuff, but there’d be no reason for the server if he wasn’t producing the content. Three cheers for darkmovienight!

Now, on to my movie log for the day…

What did I watch today?

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016)

I watched WTF (yes, that’s what this spells in the phonetic alphabet, I got the joke too!) today, and it was a hoot. I think Tina Fey did a great job of getting some laughs out of me while making several really good points:

War is hell

The Middle East is a highly unstable region

Highly competitive people are assholes

The U.S. Military, despite their best efforts and intentions, do not really have control over the situation that poor diplomacy and decades of proxy wars have created

The news media in the United States is more interested in “resources” (they mean money) than they are in keeping people informed

I dug this movie, I think you will as well.

Burn After Reading (2008)

So, my girlfriend has been helping me to catch up on movies I’ve missed over the years, and today she recommended Burn After Reading. This is a Coen Brothers’ film, and like most of their work I had the same three thoughts:

Wow, that was an amazing film, so funny and engaging

Wow, that was a messed up film, what was wrong with the writers?!

I’m confused… so, all of that happened for nothing?!

I really liked George Clooney’s character, it’s kinda funny how the CIA’s only common thread across all of the characters was that they were all banging each other.

This was a super fun flick, if you haven’t seen it yet, you should give it a try. Also, if my girlfriend ever gives you a movie recommendation, take it. She’s always right about these things.

“You did it. You crazy son of a b*tch(s), you did it.” -Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park

Here I am. Packing all my stuff into a box and getting ready for the big move tomorrow and io9 tosses this trailer at me. I’ve been half waiting, half dreading this trailer for months. Now here it is, in all of its shameless naked glory. And I actually mean…glory.

First appearance Castiel glory…

How did they take one of the most beloved franchises in film history, polish it up, and make it look good for 2016? Everything is stacked against this film. I mean EVERYTHING. There are male chauvinists angry that it’s a team of ladies. Half the fan base thinks rebooting the franchise is the dumbest idea since restaurant bread.

If I had wanted a blunt instrument, I would have asked for the shillelagh on the wall…

And finally…why mess with perfection? Ghostbusters came out the year I was born and belongs in the same pantheons such as Star Wars, Star Trek, Jurassic Park, and insert your favorite film series here. And before this trailer, there was even signs of brilliance. Just look at the first official image of the team:

Pretty epic stances there ladies

I loved the new outfits and each one of them seems just different enough or out of their element, well, except for Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones (relative unknowns to me). Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy are the ones I’m immediately familiar with and can appreciate their addition. I’m so happy that Melissa McCarthy is continuing her excellent humor from Spy and not just a walking “fat joke” roles she took early on.

Of course their is the obligatory hatred of Leslie Jones character since she is stereotypical “black” according to the internet. Just shut up, please. She’s playing a role as it was it was written. No matter what they did with her, someone would have been offended and written a dissertation on why this is exactly Hollywood is terrible. Did we forget they’re evil because the industry is a money grubbing cult?

Oh yeah, those guys

Seriously, for the most part, the fact that actual entertainment comes from Hollywood is likely pure coincidence. And don’t tell me that this film is going to be crap because it’s directed by Paul Feig. You laughed just like I did when Maya Rudolph pooped in the middle of the street in a wedding dress in Bridesmaids.

It sure did sweetheart, and on July 15th, we’ll get to see it!

So I will go ahead and say it, on July 15th of this year, my butt will be firmly planted in a theater seat ready to watch a new team kick the crap out of poltergeist, ghosts, and whatever is thrown their way.

Sorry guys, I’ll be in my recliner watching you every week

And even though a wonderful group of ladies will be taking over the proton packs, that doesn’t mean the original Ghostbusters fill will be gone. My kids are going to watch the originals first and that’s just a fact. There is no reason why the two cannot co-exist. Is it a money grab? Heck yes. Does it have potential to suck? No more or less than any film out there. But if done well, all I’ll see is more Ghostbusters, and I cannot and will not apologize for optimism here. After all, in a movie industry that is just in it for the money…who ya gonna call?

It doesn’t matter to me that we called these gentlemen first and it shouldn’t to you either

Good morning Bleary-Eyed Fans, did you watch the Academy Awards last night? No? Neither did we. In fact we cared so little, our post was both late, terrible, and unfinished. Also, as far as predictions, we only got one: Leonardo DiCaprio won his Best Actor in a Leading Role.

Okay, he earned this party

All I can say is that it seems like a little bit of a pity Oscar. Not that Leo doesn’t deserve an Academy Award…it’s just that he should have got it one of the other four times he was nominated. The Revenant just wasn’t that special (and pretty inaccurate). Oh well, he won, are we done now?

Of course there was a ton of racist issues this Oscars (pretty much like the 87th preceding ones), from boycotting, asking Chris Rock to step down as host, and even the absolutely correct viral statement: #oscarssowhite. There wasn’t anything we could do and it’s just going to keep happening. I wish I could say something different, but I can’t. It’s just a despicable time we live in where all people are not created equally. It’s a shame, but all a movie dissector like myself can do is point it out and choose not to be like those that perpetrate hate and racism. Although I will say, even though he has quietly slipped into the “B-List” of acting, Chris Rock had some good things to say about it. I was proud of him monologue (or what I caught snippets of this morning) and while it wasn’t a joke, he didn’t hide anything.

Dude rocked the WHITE suit and told it like it is

There are no videos of the full monologue yet, but I’d like to recount my absolute favorite part from Chris Rock’s discussion on race, how awful the Academy Awards are, and how strange the whole damn this is in general:

“But things are changing. Things are changing. We got a black Rocky this year. Some people call it “Creed.” I call it “Black Rocky.” And that’s a big, that’s an unbelievable statement. I mean, cause, “Rocky” takes place in a world where white athletes are as good as black athletes. “Rocky” is a science fiction movie. There’s things that happened in “Star Wars” that are more believable than things that happened in “Rocky”, O.K.?”

*Sweating bullets*Finn can’t tell if that was more racist or less…

Alright, we can agree I can’t fix racism. But what I can do is report on some of the better things of the night. Starting with the big winners:

Best Picture: Spotlight

Best Actor in a Leading Role: Leonardo di Caprio for The Revenant

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Brie Larson for Room

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Mark Rylance for Bridge of Spies

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Alicia Vikander for The Danish Girl

I honestly had a real plan for this article. It was going to be a week long event in which we had guest writers discussing things like #OscarsSoWhite, how terrible the panel is due to ridiculous rules, eligibility, and voting, but I just can’t seem to care enough about the award show to make a real effort at posting something profound.

Seriously, I just Googled “Apathy” and this was the first image that came up…

In lieu of an article about how awful the Oscars have become (and pretty much always have been), I’m going to go over some of the major categories and see if we can find something of interest somewhere among them to talk about.

Academy Award for Best Actress

First off, I really don’t like the fact that we still distinguish between “Actresses” and “Actors” via gender. They are all actors and should be treated as such. In my opinion, we should really put Jennifer Lawrence (nominated this year for the movie Joy) up against Eddie Redmayne (nominated for his (her?) performance in The Danish Girl) or Matt Damon (nominated for The Martian). If you’ve seen Joy, you know it’s no where near the caliber of her past performances (Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle, etc.), but it’s still a well put together movie and for her part, she does everything right and again, showcases an immense amount of talent.

“Don’t put metal in the SCIENCE OVEN!” Still my favorite line of that movie and quite possibly 2014.

Anyway, there are other actors (yes, screw the word Actress) that are nominated as well, here is a quick round up:

Cate Blanchett, in Carol Aird, as Carol

Brie Larson, in Room, as Joy “Ma” Newsome

Jennifer Lawrence, in Joy, as Joy Mangano

Charlotte Rampling, in 45 Years, as Kate Mercer

Saoirse Ronan, in Brooklyn, as Eilis Lacey

IWTMM’s Prediction: Jennifer Lawrence

Of course it has to be Jennifer Lawrence. Everyone loves her (she is really seemingly charming by all accounts) and if the panel even recognized any other actor’s name in that pile, then I would be surprised. Just give her another one, let her trip on the stairs or her dress *cue laughter* and a “surprised” winning speech.

Seriously, you’ve likely seen Mad Max: Fury Road, the other nominations, not too likely. If you have (or even if you haven’t), Charlize Theron kicks so much ass in two hours than all the “Action Stars” of the 80’s combined. I totally think she should go all Kanye West on the Winner.

“I’m gonna let you finish, but first, I want to shoot a few idiots in the crowd.” -Charlize Theron

Academy Award for Best Actor

I believe they add, “in a Leading Role” to this title, but I don’t really care (that’s going to be a theme during this whole article). Let’s take a look at our powder-white nominees:

Bryan Cranston, in Trumbo, as Dalton Trumbo

Matt Damon, in The Martian, as Mark Watney

Leonardo DiCaprio, in The Revenant, as Hugh Glass

Michael Fassbender, in Steve Jobs, as Steve Jobs

Eddie Redmayne, in The Danish Girl, as Lili Elbe / Einar Wegener

IWTMM’s Prediction: Leonardo DiCaprio

Leo has been passed over for this award in four separate years. They skipped a year between nominating him so it didn’t look too suspicious, but I believe DiCaprio has been thoroughly snubbed. It likely doesn’t make any difference to him. Did you see what he got to do in The Wolf of Wall Street?

I can just see all the tears spewing from his gold-lined tear ducts…

I mean, come on, you think Leo cares? Does he want to win, probably, it’s seemingly a big deal to these Hollywood types. But if a little gold statue is more important than the millions he rakes in for almost every film he does, then I really think the “art” in film is moot.

I think this is a bit more up everyone’s alley…

Academy Award for Best….

You know what, I really don’t give a crap. The Oscars are horrible. The monologue is obnoxious and no matter who wins, someone is going to be upset. I don’t even have enough apathy to finish this article.

IWTMM’s Prediction for Best Director: Adam McKay for The Big Short

IWTMM’s Prediction for Best Picture: The Big Short

Seriously, I don’t care. The Big Short was a phenomenal movie with excellent actors, a horrifying reality, and was honestly both entertaining and filmed very well. It’s on the “Unicorn List”. It’s both entertaining and “Critically” acclaimed. So, for my money, it’s going to come out the winner, but I really don’t care. The whole thing is just a big Hollywood circlejer…….

We apologize for the inconvenience as us at I Watch Too Many Movies attempt to appeal to all audiences, thus the ending of the review has been closed and censored.

…..and that’s all I have to say about that. At least I get to see Zootopia next weekend.