Olivia's story

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Rainbow baby Lucas Oliver

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother.She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh andLife ain't always what you think it ought to be, noAin't even grey, but she buries her babyThe sharp knife of a short life, wellI've had, just enough time

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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Maybe about a month ago, Franchesca (who made my blog pretty) posted on Facebook that The Sufficient Grace Ministries was doing a calendar giveaway, for a calendar with quotes (from various people) made by either her or CarlyMarie (from the "To Write Their Names in the Sand" website). So I entered, and didn't give it much more thought, I usually don't even enter giveaways but I figured I didn't have anything to lose.

A few days before Christmas, I got an email from the Sufficient Grace Ministries telling me that I had won a calendar and asking for my address, of course I was very excited and emailed them back immediately, though I never really expected to receive the calendar before Christmas especially with the post office probably very slammed right before Christmas.

Christmas Eve day found me on one of those "down" moments. Too many pictures on Facebook of little girls in pretty Christmas dresses by their decorated Christmas tree just hit me a little too hard when I was not expecting it. Joe was puzzled as I sat on our loveseat watching Luke play on the floor below me with tears streaming down my face, trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix something that is not fixable.

I also happened to be anxiously watching the mail because I had ordered some breastmilk storage bags from Amazon (they have the best price, FYI, and free shipping.) I was out of bags and had some milk in bottles in the fridge that *had* to be frozen within the next 2 days or would have to be used or get thrown out. So I was going to run out and buy some overpriced bags at the store if they didn't come that day. Amazon had estimated the arrival on December 26th, which wouldn't have worked at all, but I had watched the tracking info and they were supposedly in our city the day before, so I was hoping that they would show up. As soon as I heard the mail truck, I ran out, and not only were the bags here, but something else. I was puzzled because I really didn't remember what it could be (I'd done a lot of online shopping this year), then I saw the return address label, and there it was, the "Lost For Words" calendar right when I needed that little pick me up the most. (Some people might call that a sign, I'll just say it was awfully nice timing.)

I ended up winning CarlyMarie's calendar. It is beautiful and all of the quotes are fantastic, it is on nice heavy cardstock paper and I wouldn't have regretted buying it if I hadn't won it. Although I like it much more, the way the events unfolded. It is now hanging in our kitchen, and this is the January quote, which I can relate to all too well...

I never welcomed Winter into my heart, though she has been there since he died. The Summer of my life sometimes feels like a distant memory. Although it may have dimmed and faded, my light is eternal and like his soul and mine, they will burn and stay alight forever.

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comments:

I was just looking at her calendar yesterday, it is beautiful. I'm glad you got one, you deserve it! I have been the same way so often lately, just that blank stare and tears that never seem to end. I hope things lift up for you soon. Let me know if you ever want to get together.

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What is a rainbow baby?

Rainbow baby is the term for a baby after the loss of a previous child.It is the understanding that a rainbow's beauty does not negate the ravages of the storm.When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean that the storm never happenedor that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath.What it means is that something beautiful and full of lighthas appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds.

About Me

I am a former teacher, currently staying at home with our rainbow baby. Our daughter, Olivia Caetlyn, was born at 23w2d on September 28,2009 with a tiny cry and passed away shortly after her birth. (Due to HELLP syndrome, possible pre-eclampsia, and growth restriction.) Rainbow baby Lucas Oliver was born healthy in late April, after a stressful but overall healthy pregnancy. You can contact me at angiew901@msn.com.