Laugh Lines

On Candid Camera: "During the Super Bowl, police videotaped every fan entering the stadium as part of an effort to look for criminals. The odd part is, police said they didn't find any criminals until they trained the cameras toward the field." (Conan O'Brien)

Teamwork: "President Bush has promised to bring bipartisanship to his administration, and it looks like it's working. In a surprise appearance [recently], he appeared with Sen. Ted Kennedy at an elementary school to talk about education. According to the Washington Post, they are going to make a number of appearances together. Bush and Kennedy together? Who's the designated driver in that one?" (Jay Leno)

A New Look: "The Marines are getting new uniforms. Their new slogan is: 'We're Looking for a Few Good Tailors.' " (Daily Scoop)

No Fun: "In only a few days, [President Bush] had no sex scandals, no Hollywood pals, no shady deals and no grand juries. This shows Californians just how gruesome life without electricity can be." (Argus Hamilton)

Pricey Pad: "Republicans are attacking Bill Clinton now because the rent of his new office is going to be $700,000 a year. . . . Actually, the rent is $50,000; it's $650,000 for the sexual harassment insurance." (Leno)