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December 3, 2017December 2, 2017

The Things That Need to Go in 2018,Part One

We’ve arrived! Welcome to our list of The Things That Need to Go in 2018! You may notice that this year the list is a bit longer,we now have 120 items on the list because,let’s face it,there’s a lot that needs to go next year and beyond and honestly,the list this year could’ve been even longer,some even lobbied for it, but alas I settled on 120. In this section,we’ll go through part one of our list counting down from 120 to 101.

Disclaimer: This list is is intended for entertainment purposes and should be taken semi-seriously.

Here’s Part One:

120. People who exclaim “He’s still your President”

First year selection

There are some things in life that we don’t like to be reminded of: Ex-girlfriends, embarrassing moments from our past,and that someone made a sitcom out of the GEICO cavemen. One thing that we don’t want to be reminded of now is that Donald Trump is President. I not only did I not waste my vote on him,I don’t like who he is as a person. Nobody should. He’s an asshole and when an asshole gets elected President,they don’t stop being an asshole. Kind of like when a girl has a boyfriend who’s got a less than favorable personality that she think she can change. He ain’t changing,honey!Exclaiming that “He’s still your President” doesn’t make anything better. In fact,it makes things worse and opens up a wound that is still trying to heal. Maybe if the system we had gave us candidates that we actually want to vote for,then a Trump presidency is just a pipe dream. We can’t let this happen ever again. How 62 million people wasted their vote on him is something I’ll never understand.

119. The co-worker who microwaves fish in the breakroom

First year selection

This has never happened to me personally,but I can understand how much this bothers other people. I actually do know a few folks who have suffered and have smelled the stench of a fish being microwaved in an employee breakroom.

Never mind that I’m not at all a seafood person, the fact of it all is that fish and microwaves don’t mix. Have a little respect for the people you worth with and for and the environment in which they and you eat lunch. It’s fine if you like fish, just like it somewhere else.

118. Micro-managing

Third year selection

From microwaving fish to micromanaging and it seems like every other year that we have this on the list and this year,it is.

Everyone deserves to be in a functioning and positive working environment, but when everything is nitpicked and micromanaged, it can be anything but that. I know from experience that when you’re in that kind of workplace, morale goes down as does motivation,production,and a reason to even stay on the job.I think if you ask me,it’s best when someone lets you do your thing and trusts you to do a good job.

117. The term “big nothingburger”

First year selection

I honestly forget where this term originated and I don’t really care,all I know is it was overused a lot this year (and last). By presidential candidates, by corporate whore media hosts and the like. It’s an awful term.

First off, a burger isn’t nothing,it’s something. Something that’s delicious. Let’s be clear. Secondly, why not just say that something is nothing? Why add the burger? It didn’t do anything to you.

It’s just an awful term and it needs to leave popular culture and our lexicon forever.

116. Colored armpit hair

First year selection

I noticed this year that this is an actual thing and I’m left wondering why. First off,ladies having armpit hair period is flat out gross. It just is. Secondly, if you have it,why are you dying it different colors? It doesn’t make the situation any better for anyone, not even you.

And no,I’m not leaving the fellas out of this,either,if there are any that do this kinda thing. Guys, don’t. Just don’t,and if you do,you might not want to be around any open windows,unless of course,you’re wishing for your man card to blow out of it.

115. Endless renaming of sports venues

Second year selection

I had this on the list a long time ago and I think it’s time it made its way back on here. I think when it comes to sports venues for the most part that once you name it,that’s it. No more renaming it unless you’re a shitty company like Enron was back in the day. I’m tired of seeing some of these horrible stadium names.

I know a lot of us usually use the name the stadium was originally given/name we grew up knowing the stadium as, but the official names for them need to be left alone.

114. Richsplaining

First year selection

Our first “Keepin’ It Real” selection and this had to make the list because these pricks who have never experienced poverty in their lives all of the sudden know how to get you out of poverty.

Are you kidding me? How patronizing is that? Someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to be poor or struggling with anything in life giving unwanted advice to someone who’s already there. Get the fuck out of here with your condescending and patronizing selves.

You don’t know me or what I’ve been through or what I’ve done to get to where I am today. If anything,you’re part of the problem. Also,stop pretending I shouldn’t have standards.

113. Crocs

Second year selection

I still can’t believe these are still around,folks. Who is still investing in these? When did Mom’s gardening shoes all of a sudden become acceptable footwear in society and in public? And more importantly,why would anyone wear plastic shoes? Plastic sandals? Sure, but plastic shoes? Let’s get real,guys!

I feel like we’re taking any kind of fashion that’s remotely ugly and turning it into “acceptable”,and it’s far from it. Not only that,but it weakens your shoes game tremendously. Not slightly,tremendously.

112. People who don’t think Tulsi Gabbard is hot

First year selection

I should start by saying that I am a big Tulsi Gabbard fan. Not only do I think she’s one of the best politicians we even have,I think she should be President (We couldn’t do any worse!). I would vote for her if she was crazy enough to nominate a golden retriever puppy a her running mate. Not to mention,she’s a very attractive woman. Actually,she’s pretty hot.

There are a few people,however,who don’t think she is and those people can go kick rocks. You obviously don’t know what a beautiful woman looks like if you were as blind as Stevie Wonder. Tulsi is stunning and I think if she was to run in 2020 and given a fair chance, she would win easily. That’s who should be our first female president.

111. Ties in the NFL

First year selection

I feel like this should have made the list a long time ago and I know that these don’t happen that much and I’m sure with the league lowering overtime to 10 minutes it may be less of a probability,but a tie in the NFL is ridiculous.

So why is this on the list even though as of press time we haven’t had a tie in the NFL this season and they really don’t happen all that much? Because you play to win the game, as the great Herm Edwards once said in a press conference. You don’t play to just play and you certainly shouldn’t be playing 70 minutes of football to have it end in stalemate. Someone needs to win and someone needs to lose. Period.

110. CATCH-ALL: Insane Clown Posse and Juggalos

Second year selections

These guys have made the list before and they probably shouldn’t be here to begin with, but honestly,I can’t believe these guys are still around. Their music has never been any good,not even when they were in their “heyday” so to speak they were just awful. Not to mention that unless your name is Eminem and you’re white,you should probably not be rapping.Ever.

Also their fans are just as bad and the reason being is that they like crappy music, hence why they follow this group and listen to their awful music. Maybe you guys should broaden your horizons and listen to something else. Just a thought!

109. Brian Williams

First year selection

Disgraced NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams is on our list. Yes,that Brian Williams, who is now on MSNBC running out the clock on his career which was tarnished when he was caught lying about stories about Iraq.

Anyways, that’s only part of why he needs to go. The other part is when he decided to call dropping bombs on civilians this year “beautiful.” No,Brian,war isn’t beautiful, it’s hell and honestly,that’s a shameful statement to make. In my nearly 36 years on this earth,I’ve never thought that and I never will. Having bombs dropped on people isn’t beautiful,especially when we shouldn’t be doing that.

Williams shouldn’t even have a job with that statement he made as well as the plagiarism he created when he was at his former post in NBC’s news division. He’s not the only MSNBC personality to make our countdown this year. Stay tuned for more!

108. Flip flop socks

First year selection

If there’s one thing that came out this year that’s absolutely absurd,it’s this product.

If you don’t know,somebody made a sock that you can wear while you wear your flip-flops where the heel and the toes are exposed to provide warmth while you wear flip-flops,a sandal that is actually bad for you to be wearing to begin with. Just sayin’!

I get that so many people enjoy a good pair of sandals,I’m not much of a sandal person myself as I have only one pair, but can’t we show a little respect to the seasons? I’m sure it won’t kill you to bundle up during the winter and wear the appropriate fashions and footwear. I also think it’s just tacky to wear something as dumb as this. This is just one of many footwear-related items on our list this year.

107. Mia Khalifa

First year selection

Here’s someone who was a porn star for a minute and then all of sudden got a sports show with Gilbert “Bang,Bang,Shoot Em Up” Arenas for some reason and I just cannot stand her.

I had never heard of her prior to last year,but she was apparently the top-searched for actress on PornHub before she decided to become a sports talk show host and deciding to poke fun at Gordon Heyward’s injury after the first game of the season.

Sometimes we all aren’t cut out to do certain things,and Khalifa should have probably stuck to porn.

106. Holding viewers hostage when a carriage dispute arises

First year selection

This was not how I wanted my 2017 to start. It happened when my local NBC affiliate was blacked out over a carriage dispute with DirecTV. As a result,not only did I miss out on viewing my news station of choice,but also a big game between the Packers and the Lions to decide a division crown as well as the NHL’s Winter Classic.

The blackout lasted a week and the dispute can be layed at the feet of the station’s parent company,who wanted to charge more money to carry the station,which is absolute lunacy. Local channels should not be charged for when they are free otherwise over the air. I was on DirecTV’s side on the issue. We,the viewers were held hostage because of something that was beyond our control and it’s not okay. I hope this never happens again,but if it does,you can bet this will return to the list.

105. Cris Collinsworth

First year selection

For years Joe Buck has made the list,but this time around his one-time partner and current NBC football analyst Cris Collinsworth makes his debut on the list.Collinsworth is someone I can’t stand hearing on television because he’s so long winded and he bores the shit out of me. It’s analysts like him who put me to sleep before halftime. He doesn’t bring much excitement to the game. He’s part of the reason mute buttons exist. And he says “Now here’s a guy…” way too much. Also,he gets on the players way more than necessary. I guess that’s why a lot of them aren’t that crazy about him. Some fans aren’t,either.

I miss John Madden!

104. Rallying around confederate flags and statues

First year selection

Something that was downright ridiculous and reprehensible this year was when white people everywhere were rallying around the Confederate flag and trying to save statues of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson by gathering at nightfall in their khaki slacks,white polos and tiki torches chanting “You will not replace us” and “Blood and soil”, two popular Ku Klux Klan chants.

It’s not that the statues and flags represent slavery and a time in our nation’s history that isn’t looked at fondly in terms of how we treated African-Americans and other minorities, it’s that these folks are celebrating a second place finish in the Civil War. Why would you celebrate coming in last? That would be like the Detroit Lions putting up a banner commemorating their 0-16 season in 2008. Also,that war was fought against the United States,so in essence you’re defending a flag that was used in trying to take down our country.

Also,a majority of these statues were put up in the 1950s and 1960s, not right after the Civil War (though some of them were), so it’s not like they’re anything that’s considered a major historical landmark, just symbols to intimidate black people.

103. Former congressman Joe Walsh

First year selection

Now here’s a guy that I think is a scumbag in the truest of words. Joe Walsh (not the talented musician) is a former congressman from Illinois and he’s awful. He’s done a lot of bad things from threatening the President on Twitter in 2016 to crying foul over Jimmy Kimmel’s son and his healthcare woes which led to Kimmel pleading for Congress to do something proper about healthcare in our country to not paying child support to his ex-wife, Walsh is just a big bag of suck. He even wanted to try and get child support payments abolished. If that’s not the definition of a deadbeat father, I don’t know what is.

He even got on Stevie Wonder’s case over taking a knee at a concert. What the fuck did Stevie Wonder ever do to you?

All in all,thank goodness this moron isn’t in office and if he ever does run for anything,I hope to God he doesn’t win. We already have enough dummies in office now fucking things up. More on them later!

102. Taco eye make-up

First year selection

Don’t get me wrong,I love tacos,we all do. But is that love of the main dish of Tuesday going too far with taco eye make-up?

Girls everywhere are putting on make-up that looks like a taco and it looks really tacky. It’s not going to make me take you too seriously and honestly,you should probably not talk to me.

You want to impress me? Put on normal make-up and get me some actual tacos and join in on eating them with me. That’s impressive. Your make-up makes me want to eat your eye and you wouldn’t want that,would you?

101. Chuck Todd

First year selection

Back when Tim Russert was the moderator of Meet the Press, it was a very good show. Russert was a tough interviewer who asked the tough questions and made politicians squirm. His successor,David Gregory, was not able to do that and ratings suffered. Chuck Todd,the current moderator,isn’t much better.

Not only is he soft on politicians, but he’s also part of the establishment left that doesn’t want to see anything change for the better like healthcare for everybody. Beyond that,the only Democrats he has on are from the establishment,and it’s the same ones like Nancy Pelosi (more on her later) and Chuck Schumer and Cory Booker, three politicians I would never vote for because of how awful they are and how much they lack in the progressive category.

Todd is part of a media that isn’t covering the issues that matter most to people,and if they do,it’s not in the manner that it should be covered. It’s coverage tailored for the elite and if you watch Meet the Press, you see that. It may be the longest-running show on television,but it doesn’t mean it’s any good. Same goes for the moderator.