Will MWC just be cancelled this year?

Let's just all have a barbeque instead

Thorsten says: "BlackBerries count as two of your five a day in some cultures"

It's been a week that's bordered on something time-travel-esque this past seven days, with the future being printed out for us all to see.

Not literally printed out – we're not talking the kind of book that Marty McFly spent far too long knobbing about with when he could have just destroyed the sodding thing a thousand times over; no, we're talking about companies telling us what's actually going on.

Smearing the Galaxy

We've been treated to that rarest of all rare beasts this week: a company confirming that something isn't going to happen. Usually it's a smorgasbord of 'no comment' and something about rumour and speculation, but this time Samsung has huffed, sprung out of bed, thrown open the window and shouted at those pesky internet-rumour-mongering kids that keep yelling about the Galaxy S3 at all hours of the night:

"The successor to the Galaxy S2 smartphone will be unveiled at a separate Samsung-hosted event in the first half of the year, closer to commercial availability of the product.

"Samsung stays committed to providing the best possible mobile experiences for customers around the world."

Whether or not this was dictated by a Samsung rep menacingly peeling an apple with an unnecessarily sharp knife while not blinking is unconfirmed.

THIS IS NOT REAL. Or it might be the Galaxy S4. Future, innit?

And don't worry your tech socks about Samsung announcing nothing at this year's flagship event: there's a Galaxy S2 Plus on the cards. With a slightly faster engine and the same Ice Cream Sandwich update that's coming to the original. Oh…

No, no THIS is the Fullest Full Monty

Now while we're panicking that nobody will release any mobiles in Barcelona this year (although we have got an alternative event that involves unicorns, a bucket of carrot soup and a job lot of unused Xperia Plays ready to go if GSMA would just FINALLY GIVE US THE NOD) there's something else that has caught our eye.

It's T-Mobile. Yes, the ones that do the awesome/excruciatingly lame adverts that are on the TV all the time (your opinion will be directly linked to your ability to tolerate, nay, enjoy Take Me Out) have only gone and invented new things that are completely new and amazing.

We're talking a new tariff, cheekily called the Full Monty (yes, like the naked people thing. Well, I never…) and offering reams of voice calls, texts and most importantly unlimited data for your mobile.

You mean proper unlimited? Yes.

Like no limits at all? Yes. No fair use policy? Nope.

But surely there's no tethering? Yep, allowed too. All unlimited.

But what abou…? Unlimited. No limits. We were one step away from branding it with some Dutch Eurodance stars from the '90s, it's that unlimited.

And we've been told this will revolutionise the future of the world of mobiles and tablets and the internet. Forever. Remember this day, and tell your children of it.

Except – oh, wait, Three already did it with the One Plan. Sigh… revolutionary used to mean so much more in our day.

Other things

Apple has run into the volcano lab with NFC and written its name all over it like it totally made it up itself you know. And it will probably be going to the iPhone 5 if loads of sources are to be believed.

And BAHAHAH the Nokia N8 HOHOHOHO is still alive and kicGUFFAWking after another Symbian updateNO PLEASE STOP, IT HURTS, was released to help it take on the WELL DONE I NEED NEW TROUSERS YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT iPhone.

There was some other stuff too about patents that involved Apple but it's so mundane we're legally obliged to shoot ourselves if we write about it the same thing again.