Monday, February 1, 2010

Why?

Anytime I sit down to pray since the earthquake, I end up sobbing. If I could have a guaranteed hour of solitude, I would let the tears come, but I rarely get more than a few minutes alone. And when I pray, through the tears, all I want to say to God is “Why did you let this happen?”

I haven’t heard the answer to my question yet. But the other questions I ask show me again and again that God has been with me and with the country of Haiti from the very beginning. There is no other explanation.

Why did the quake happen exactly when it did instead of a few hours earlier when tens of thousands of children would have been in school or a few hours later when the entire country would have been in bed? Why did the quake happen during dry season instead of rainy season or the very hot months when thousands in refugee camps would have died of heat stroke and dehydration?

Why was my house perfectly intact so that I had access to all my medical supplies during that first critical 48 hours? Why did I already have a surgical kit prepared with suture materials and bandages? Why was I able to instantly find all my emergency equipment when they starting carrying up victims? Why did all the furniture in my house fall over except the shelves when I stock my pharmacy?

Why did I know how to suture wounds when most second year nurses have not gotten to learn that? Why did the ABC reporter call immediately after the quake so that I was able to get a message to my family that I was alive? Why had I met G three days before the quake so that in the middle of the night when I needed a helper, he was someone I trusted? Why did I have one precious bottle of vicodin, just enough to control Bill’s pain until he got evacuated to the US? Why did I have the connections to Commander Strong and the military that have kept us supplied with formula and food?

The only answer that I have is that God’s hand has been on me every step of the way. And though I still do not understand the big WHY, I see enough evidence of His goodness in those little things to continue trusting that He is sovereign and He has not abandoned this country.

11 comments:

hey kez - this is jody (salim & katrina's friend) i met you when helping with the cookies at the wedding - just wanted to let you know that i've been checking your blog every day and have been praying for you - have spread your story&blog to friends too so that they can be praying . . . just wanted to let you know - in Christ - jody : )

It amazes me how much the Lord really has guarded every step of your way, Keziah. Trust that He will continually provide, and will also be faithful during in this aftermath. Trust that He will heal the emotional pain as well. Love you and praying for you everyday.

Nickson shared the gospel message at the parents meeting they had on friday and three parents came to Christ. I have a feeling there are others like them all over the city. I'm sure they play a part in the reason God let this happen. I love you and am praying so much for you.

kez, im at work (where everything is shiny and new, no tremors or starving people- i cant even imagine) and you made me cry... i pray for you every night, you are constantly in my thoughts. every word you wrote in this entry is both true and beautiful. god is with you, protecting you and the people you care for. i love you so much and i cant wait to hug you and cry with you. xoxo

Hi there, Kathy Grub (10 minute writer) let me know of your situation and I just wanted to thank you for finding that bit of space to share on your blog.... life can be so difficult when there are no answers. I am so pleased you are finding the strength to cling onto Him x.

This is Commander Dave Strong's Mom and I want to say how very proud I am of him and of you for enduring all that you have. Please get a messsage to him that I think of (and worry about)him every hour of every day. And his brave wife is hanging in there, too. Hats of to you in a horrible situation. Yours, Jan Strong

Just from the small glimpses you've given us, I can see how God's hand has been with you during this disaster (I feel like "disaster" is not a strong enough word, but it's all I can think of right now).

Still praying for you, Keziah!You may not ever know the answer to the big "WHY?", but at least you are being provided for in miraculous ways.

Kez, I have questions too and I haven't been involved in the earthquake so personally like you have. My daughters, who are Haitian and adopted thru New Life Link, have asked why God let this happen. I can't answer that but I keep telling them we have to remember what we KNOW is true: God is love, God is still good, God is all-powerful and all-knowing. The first night after the earthquake I was thinking "God, where are you?" and He showed me very clearly that He is in Haiti in people like you and all the others who are helping people in His name. I know this probably sounds impossible in light of all you have to do, but please take some time for yourself. Crying is an important God-given method of releasing all those emotions. You are very likely to experience PTSD at least to some degree and I care about you and want you to take care of yourself too.Annette