"What it must look and smell like when a movie brain vomits. Truly worthless."
-Variety

Saturday, May 05, 2012

Short Reviews - April 2012

Damn! I knew I forgot something... MY TAXES!!!!

The Boost - ...seriously? Bueller? Was Ben Stein some kind of strung out junkie? While working for Nixon, no less? ...PONICSAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pretty Poison - SEMPLE JR.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of Control - But, but... where's Tony Danzig?

She's Out of Control - That's more like it!

Avenging Angel - If you can't get Kelly Preston, get an inferior good like Betsy Russell... an econ student will know why that's funny. Okay, she's a Giffen good.

The Fugitive Kind - Didn't Jerry Lewis remake this as The Fugitive Fella?

(The) Green Lantern - Remake of Son of the Mask. Personally, I grow weary of these movies that look like they were filmed entirely in front of a green screen.

Wild Wild West - ...Personally, I grow weary of these movies that look like they were filmed entirely in front of a green screen... looks great in HD, though!

The Fugitive Kind - Have Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz remade this yet?

Beautiful Boy - Oh, Michael Sheen.... do you HAVE to do this type of role? We want the Tony Blair Michael Sheen! The David Frost Michael Sheen! The Twilight Michael Sheen! You know, the Happy Handsome Brit, not the Handsome Disgruntled American! Damn it!

To Rome With Love - ...sheesh. Another Oscar for Woody.

Home Fries - With Jake Busey as Owen Wilson

Sleepless in Seattle - The moral of the story is: allergies are such a turn off.

Mixed Nuts - The moral of the story is: thank God for serial killers and the large bounties on their heads.

The Speed of Thought - It doesn't take a psychic to see that this is a variation of Scanners.

The Dentist - I would've gone with Novocaine, but this one seems more appropriate to the tone of the article....