Goodbye, Cruel World and Humanity As We Know It + Phil Hellmuth Does Not Win Bracelet #12

In a development on par with Robert Varkonyi having a threesome with two Victoria’s Secret super models in the "world is coming to an end" hierarchy, Katja Thater, a woman, has won a non-women-only poker tournament.

Thater, who is a woman, defeated the highly disappointing and disgrace to men across the world Larry St. Jean for the win. Honorary member of the "Davidson Matthew Club," O’Neil Longson, finished third.

If there’s anything here to temper the apocalyptic significance of Thater’s win it would be that it was in a measly $1,500 buy-in event in a game where the worst hand wins.

In other equi-horrifying news, Beth Shak, a woman, almost won Event #28 ($3,000 NLH). She lost heads-up to someone who is not a disgrace to men across the world, Shankar Pillai, who’s not to be confused with K. Shankar Pillai, who is dead. For the win, Pillai banks $527,829. The woman Shak takes home $328,683.

Lost in all of the apocalyptic developments is that Phil Hellmuth failed to capture bracelet #12. Hellmuth finished sixth in Event #28, banking $76,464.

After the jump a brief photo essay about a champ and her banana. Plus her right and left side profiles.