LINK: http://ift.tt/1lcxMQ6The thing is, Steve Rogers spent a hell of a lot of time getting beat-up in back-alleys before the serum. He was always the plucky little guy getting his ass handed to him, determined not to back down for anybody, and the only thing the serum changed about that was that instead of having his ass handed to him he started handing other people theirs. Tony Stark takes Steve and Bucky out for a night on the town. Possibly he regrets this.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:theavengers, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes.&.steve.rogers, ~author:tardisistheonlywaytotravel, genre:gen, entertaining

LINK: http://ift.tt/1itfmEzSteve Rogers turning up at Tony’s door in the middle of the night might be a bit out of character, but it’s not completely out of the realm of possibility. Stranger things have happened. Steve Rogers turning up at Tony’s door with an amnesiac assassin - who may or may not have some of Tony’s personally designed hardware attached where his arm should be - well that’s just far too interesting to turn away, even if Tony is trying to avoid all things S.H.I.E.L.D these days.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:theavengers(marvel)-allmediatypes, rating:mature, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes/steve.rogers, pairing:pepper.potts/tony.stark, pairing:clint.barton/natasha.romanov, ~author:boopboop, warning:other/unspecified

LINK: http://ift.tt/JVaYAzLook, some mornings you wake up and little green men are invading New York City; some mornings you wake up and you can hear Captain America’s voice in your head. Tony has been an Avenger long enough that he saves his freakout for important things.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:theavengers, rating:explicit, pairing:steve.rogers/tony.stark, ~author:celli, entertaining, trope:bond!fic, trope:suddenly-telepathic

DO YOU HAVE COMPANY COMING OVER, BUT YOUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE SMOKE OR YOUR MOLD EXPERIMENTS OR CAT PISS OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT?

WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME BRILLIANT, BECAUSE THIS SHIT ISN’T EDIBLE, BUT IT’LL MAKE YOUR HOUSE SMELL LIKE A GODDAMN CHURCH CHOIR SINGING HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH IN YOUR NASAL PASSAGE! (YOU SHOULD GET RID OF WHATEVER’S STINKING UP YOUR HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE AS WELL, MORON)RUN YOUR CLASSY ASS OVER TO THE STORE AND MAKE SURE YOU’RE PREPARED FOR THE MIND-FUCK OF THIS SHIT. YOU’LL WANT 1 ORANGE, A SMALL BAG OF CRANBERRIES, 3 CINNAMON STICKS, GROUND CLOVES, NUTMEG, 2 LEMONS, ROSEMARY AND VANILLA.THERE ARE TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THAT YOU CAN COOK, BECAUSE CLASSY-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS NEED VARIETIES IN THEIR LIFE!THE FIRST IS ‘CHRISTMAS’ AND THE SECOND DOESN’T HAVE A DAMN NAME, BUT IT’S FUCKING WONDERFUL.

ONLY HAVE ONE POT OF THIS SHIT GOING, IT’S CRAZY POWERFUL.

“CHRISTMAS”CHOP UP THE ORANGE, SKIN AND ALL, BECAUSE YOU DON’T JOKE AROUND WITH THIS SORT OF SHIT.USE YOUR WARRIOR STRENGTH TO BREAK THE CINNAMON STICKS IN HALF, LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF SNAPPING THE FEMURS OF DRAGONS BEFORE YOU SUCKED THE MARROW OUT. THROW THE ORANGE AND CINNAMON STICK PIECES INTO THE POT, OR IF YOU’RE NOT CONFIDENT WITH YOUR AIM, YOU CAN SET THEM GENTLY INSIDE. SHOVE A SMALL SPOONFUL OF NUTMEG AND A SMALL SPOONFUL OF CLOVES INTO THE POT.THEN FILL THAT FUCKER UP WITH WATER UNTIL THERE’S ONLY AN INCH OF LEEWAY BETWEEN THE WATER AND EDGE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A DAREDEVIL MOTHERFUCKER.

NOW SET YOUR STOVE TO A LOW-MEDIUM SETTING, AND LEAVE IT SITTING THERE TO MARINATE IN IT’S OWN QUIET ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH. DON’T COVER THIS FUCKER, BECAUSE THE SMELL OF IT IS GOING TO INVADE YOUR ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE.THAT WHICH WILL NOT BE NAMEDTHE OTHER VERSION OF BOILING POTPOURRI ONLY HAS LEMONS, ROSEMARY SPRIGS AND VANILLA.

RIP THE LEMON INTO CHUNKS WHILE SOLVING THREE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES IN YOUR HEAD AND YELLING AT YOUR FLATMATE TO LEAVE YOUR OTHER EXPERIMENTS ALONE, THEN BE A CHAMPION BY NOT USING A MEASURING TOOL WHEN SPLASHING 1 TABLESPOON OF VANILLA INTO THE POT.

TOSS IN THE ROSEMARY SPRIGS AFTER YOU’VE STARED THEM INTO SUBMISSION.FILL THAT SUCKER WITH WATER AND PUT IT ON THE HEAT.

YOU LEAVE IT ON FOR 2 HOURS AT THE START OF THE DAY, THEN TURN IT ON AGAIN AN HOUR BEFORE GUESTS GET TO YOUR HOME AND LEAVE IT ON ALL EVENING.TAKE A WHIFF UP CLOSE EVERY FEW HOURS, BECAUSE THE FRUIT WILL START TO SMELL WEIRD AT THE END OF THE DAY AND THAT’S WHEN YOU TURN IT OFF.

WHEN YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE THEY’LL HAVE TO STEP BACK AND EXCLAIM “HOLY MOTHERFUCKING TITS, THIS IS ONE CLASSY HOME”

Not gonna lie, I’m mostly reblogging this because reading it is so thoroughly enjoyable.

LINK: http://ift.tt/1zpUZl4“Oh my God,” moans Arthur. “I’ve paid less for Somnacin. Good Somnacin.” A horrible thought strikes him. “How much is the yarn —” “I want you to have an unguarded reaction,” Eames tells him, and pulls him up from the floor. (They run an extraction on a knitter.)!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:inception, rating:generalaudiences, pairing:arthur/eames, ~author:lazulisong, trope:hobby!fic, hobby:knitting, entertaining

Is there a word for that occasional moment of self-awareness when reading smut, like where your brain accidentally takes one step back and you realize you are reading really descriptive pornography in your pajamas, while it’s light outside, with a box of Wheat Thins tucked under your arm?

LINK: http://ift.tt/1kWOoGlDarren could very well take the shorter, more efficient way to work every day… If not for the signs. The signs are what keep him taking the long route, even if it means he has to wake up an entire hour earlier every morning just to do it.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:gleerpf, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:chris.colfer/darren.criss, ~author:tresbellemichelle, genre:au, au:coffeeshop!au, adorable, entertaining, note:drabble/ficlet