The Middle child's thoughts

02/07/13

The Middle child's thoughts

Photo by Mikaela Hayes

Trust me when I say that no family is ever picture perfect. No child is ever perfect. And, no position in the family is ever perfect. It just is what it is. Many authors have written about these things.

Photo by Mikaela Hayes

Photo by Mikaela Hayes

In my THOUGHTS FOR THURSDAY post I am writing about something I am very familiar with:the middle child. My mother was a middle child. I was a middle child. I had a middle child and now I have 2 granddaughters who are middle children.

The baby becomes the focal point and the middle child is almost not seen.

Here's the scoop about the middle child's attitude. They see the oldest in the family as getting to do the things or having things they dream about. It does not make sense to them why the oldest ALWAYS gets to do EVERYTHING and the middle child ALWAYS gets left out. Somehow it doesn't occur to this child that the oldest sibling had been waiting how many years to finally get to do what ever it is they now get to do?

When the baby sibling comes along he/she ousts the older one from being the doted upon baby. Babies require a lot of time and attention. It never occurs to the middle one that they were last one to get attention with mid night feedings and endless diaper changes. 'Some one' gets an attitude about the position of being the middle child who is feeling left out because "NO ONE loves me anymore." This is a faulty belief.

I am all alone in the world. No body loves me.

As an adult, a parent, and a grandparent, I know for fact that Mommy and Daddy love each child in their own special way. No child is the favorite or is loved the best. I have to say though, that some child at some stage is the easiest to get along with so it may appear that there is a favorite.

What does the middle child have to do to maintain some kind of status with the adult, then?

They have to be annoying attention seeking kids. (I, myself, was delightfully perfect. NOT!)

I bring this all up to give all of you caretakers, parents, grandparents, older siblings, babysitters the heads up. Having this knowledge base gives you two steps ahead of the middle child.

Here's some things you can do to make the middle child feel valuable.

When changing the baby's diaper ask the middle child to help you hold something important like a toy to dangle in front of the baby or to grab a clean diaper for you.

When holding the baby to feed, ask the middle one to hold a book so you can read to everyone.

Don't play favorites if all is equal. Everyone gets a turn.

Set limits and boundaries when the older child has the capabilities to perform a task that the younger is not ready for. You can add, "While Jack is roller skating, Jill, you may show me how you can twirl around in circles or how you can do somersaults on the grass.

Talk about how each older child was a baby at one time. Show them baby pictures of themselves. Talk about the songs you sang to him/her. State the age in months when he/she first rolled over and what Daddy said about the big accomplishment.

Allow the middle child to pretend he is a baby. Wrap him up in a blanket and cuddle him. If he asks for a cookie you respond that babies only get bottles. Really ham up the baby thing, but, when it is time to stop being a baby, expect him to act like the big boy he is.

Set a side 5 or 10 minutes every hour while awake that for the older children. WHEN the big hand is on the 12, THEN Jill and I do something fun. When the big hand is on the 6, then Jack and I will do something special. YAY!