If I were LeBron James facing The Decision Round II, it wouldn’t be a difficult choice at all.

I know how I would proceed and what I would prioritize.

Revenge

Revenge is how I would proceed.

Revenge is what I would prioritize.

(All my Slytherins out there say WHAT)

LeBron has a solid family. He is able to bring even the most pathetic teams along with him to the NBA finals. This would not be a decision about family or championships. This would be a petty decision.

The type of petty to go down in Petty History.

(All my Slytherins say HEY)

Now, I don’t know LeBron’s heart, so I only have guesses here. But my personal choices for where LeBron should take his Petty Party are

1. The Celtics

2. Golden State

Let’s start with The Celtics.

As we all know, Kyrie Irving fled The Cavs to get rid of LeBron. Kyrie has a big ego, and on LeBron’s team that just doesn’t work. You’re always going to be number two, buddy. The number two player in the world is going to be number two next to The King. Get over it. Get excited about being Scottie Pippen or get out of town.

Kyrie got out of town.

Now is LeBron’s chance to say, hey Kyrie, you know who is still more valuable than you are?

I am.

And to show you that, I will sign with the Celtics on the stipulation that they drop you like the hot potato you are. Maybe you can land somewhere soft. Like bad movies based on commercials?

BURN.

From a practical standpoint, this decision makes sense.

The Celtics are great. They’re up and coming. LeBron could definitely win a championship or five with them, vacation with LeBron Jr. on Cape Cod, and still get his revenge.

Every box checked.

This feels like a great scenario.

Do I even need number two?

OK, you convinced me.

The second option for LeBron’s Petty Party is Golden State.

You saw this coming.

I already told you.

The conversation with Golden State would go like this: So, I am going to come here and Kevin Durant is going to leave.

This might be a harder sell. Kevin Durant is good. Like ALMOST as good as LeBron good.

Almost being the key word here.

Yes, Kevin works well with their current dynamic, and yes he’s really good. But almost.

Almost.

BYE KEVIN.

Maybe you can go back to Oklahoma and fight with Russell Westbrook the rest of your career in your personal version of The Bad Place.