Are You Fooling Yourself?

“C’mon! Let’s see what you’ve got. Just take your best shot…” It’s a catchy
line from a Styx song with a chorus that repeats “You’re fooling yourself if you
don’t believe it. You’re kidding yourself, if you don’t believe it…”

The twist in the song is that “fooling yourself” doesn’t refer to an
over-inflated ego or an unrecognized flaw in yourself. Instead, the song refers
to unrealized potential, to an angry young man’s inability to see that his
future actually looks quite bright.

Sure, there are people who fool themselves (or try to fool
others) with arrogant over-estimations of their own abilities and contributions.
But I think that more of us fool ourselves in this other way, by falsely
believing we are less capable than we truly are.

These self-imposed limitations cause us to give up or not to try at all. We
convince ourselves that we shouldn’t try because we can’t succeed. We insulate
ourselves from failure by doing only what we have already succeeded in doing
before.

As a result, our possibilities become narrower, seemingly affirming that we
are, indeed, limited.

It’s easy to let this happen because we are both creatures of habit and
seekers of comfort. But we are fooling ourselves if we use our routines and
limitations as security blankets.

In an age of rapidly expanding information, in an economy that is volatile,
in a time of upheaval around the globe… can you honestly say that what you know
and do today will always be sufficient? Real security comes from remaining open
to trying new things, adapting and risking failure for the purpose of
self-development.

As you read this, I can practically hear the excuses bubbling up. You are
fooling yourself if you are thinking “I can’t,” “I’ve never,” “I don’t know
how,” “I’m not…” The truth is that you can, you will, you’ll learn and you are.
But it only becomes the truth when you believe it.

Looking for a little proof? When you were at your very lowest points – less
educated than you are now, less independent than you are now, and less
experienced than you are now, you did new things every single day. You built
skills that far surpassed your current capabilities. You were just a child. Even
so, you took your best shot. You tried. You tried again and again if necessary.
You did not fear failure, so you did not fail.

Consider the message you are telling yourself. Challenge it. Don’t readily
accept the easy outs you are tempted to give yourself.

I recently worked with a woman who was re-entering the workforce. Initially,
she was eager to learn and open to trying new things. I encouraged her to give
herself grace and allow for a learning curve because I could see that she had
high expectations of herself. Those high expectations caused her to dig in and
learn rapidly at first.

Then, something changed. She made a few minor mistakes (part of any learning
curve). She magnified the importance of those mistakes and what they meant. She
spoke about them in self-condemning ways rather than seeing those mistakes as
expected and positive opportunities for more learning and growth.

Her negative self-talk – “I don’t know enough about computers” and “I’m not
professional enough” is a classic example of how we fool ourselves. Neither of
those statements were true – a lot of latitude for learning and developing had
been given in this situation. She just hadn’t given the same to herself. She
pronounced those judgments on herself and, within weeks, her eagerness for
learning and the quality of her work declined dramatically. She fooled herself
right out of a job. Chances are that she will retreat from future opportunities
because she will continue to believe that she is limited, all because of a few
mistakes.

So let’s see what you’ve got. Liberate yourself from self-limiting beliefs
and stop fooling yourself. “Get up, get back on your feet, you’re the one they
can’t beat…”