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Worthless Guide to Monsters Part 1.5: Werewolf Q&A

By The Baron
Werewolves are intriguing creatures, and like most other monsters there
is a lot of misinformation floating around about them. Luckily I have
been asked to shed some light on the subject in this series of monster
Q&As, beginning with werewolves (also see the werewolf guide HERE).
They have also asked world renowned "monster expert" Art Crumb to
co-author these articles with me. Frankly, I'm a bit offended by this,
as I have had personal experiences and actually seen nearly every type
of monster before (including werewolves). Some of my close friends even
refer to me as "The Beastmaster". Impressive, no?

A. The Baron:
Ha! If werewolves weren't real do you really think that we would be
spending all this time answering your questions about them? I have far
better things to do, trust me! I personally have seen three werewolves
in my lifetime, and my friend Dane was nearly transformed into one
(believe it or not!). So think about that next time you call me a liar,
or one day you may wake up dead from bites.

Art Crumb:There
is little actual evidence of lycanthropic creatures. If there were, the
chances are high that we would have captured or killed one of these
creatures for study. Maybe if we could get the Baron’s friend in for
some tests we might learn a little more about these mysterious
creatures.

The Baron:Nice
try. It is impossible for you to do any werewolf tests on Dane because
he never actually transformed. I actually saved him from making the
full transformation by my own secret method (and I’m not about to go
blabbing it on the internet). Sometimes I think he still does
experience symptoms of were-ism though. For example when he uses the
bathroom I hear strange huffing sounds, his fingernails grow twice as
fast as normal (and pointy), and his entire body is covered with a thin
layer of coarse hair. That’s more than enough evidence for me.

Q. Do werewolves only transform during a full moon?

A.Art Crumb:Much
of the lore surrounding them says that they must transform during this
time, but there is no clear consensus on whether or not this is the
case.

The Baron:
I once read a book called Der Anruf des Werewolf (The Call of the
Werewolf) which tells the one true story of how one becomes a werewolf.
It is written in German, but as I am fluent in this (as well as
numerous other languages) I can translate the passage in question. It
says:

If a man regards
the reflection of a full wax moon inside by the light of a current
running switfly body of the water, he completely makes a who wolf in
fourteen days or less or more

As you can see, the German language is pretty much just gibberish. I will reference it no more.

Q. Are werewolves immortal?

A.Crumb:I
do not believe any material creature is immortal. Matter can always be
displaced or converted. Werewolves may be much harder to injure or age
more gracefully than humans though. While transformed, were-creatures
are likely converting large amounts of energy (possibly gained from
lunar sources). This might allow for almost instantaneous healing,
which may be why they may be seen as immortal. Although lore seems to
indicate that silver might adversely affect this ability. It might be
that silver cleans the blood of impurities (such as types of radiation
utilized by the lycanthrope).

The Baron:Wrong.

Q. Are there other types of were-beasts?

A.Crumb:With
there being so many variations on humanity across the globe, it would
make sense that the creatures that might cause lycanthropy would vary
just as widely. So while it would make sense for were-animals in Europe
and North America to be wolves, African variations would likely present
themselves as were-lions. The trend in those creatures affected by
lycanthropy seems to skew towards carnivorous mammals (although this
may just be what has been observed thus far).

The Baron:Well
well well Dr. Crumb (if you are really a doctor as you claim to be) You
talk the talk but can you walk the talk? You claim that there could be
were bears or lions, but have you ever actually seen one? Helpful hint:
The answer is no, of course you haven't seen one in your little
laboratory where you probably stick pins and needles into monkeys to
test cosmetics and hair transplants.

Where will it end? Will the world be overrun by armies of were-donkeys,
were-fish, were-lobsters, and were-monkeys? Well, actually a
were-monkey would probably just act like a human, but it would still be
ridiculous! The fact is that of course there are not other types of
were-beasts. It is absurd to think that just because you see a
half-human half-cricket walking around that it is a were-beast. It
could just be a mutant, think about it.

Crumb:I
do not claim to be a doctor. I am simply learned about many of the
cultural mythos surrounding classic "monsters". This is likely why I
was asked to share my knowledge with everyone here.

Great Picture of a werewolf I drew

Q. If I wanted to become a werewolf, how would I go about doing this?

A.Crumb:The
most commonly excepted way to become a werewolf is to be scratched or
bitten (though it is unlikely for you to experience a werewolf attack
where the beast would not kill the victim completely). If you were to
survive the encounter, the likely reason for a transformation into a
man/animal would be an alteration to your DNA. It is thought that this
is caused by a virus transmitted by fluid and transfer activated (as
lore would suggest) via an increase in lunar light and or radiation.
Within the next lunar cycle, the transformation should take place.

The Baron:I
have never seen so much misinformation in my life. First of all, the
most common way of becoming a werewolf is to accidentally breed with
one. It happens in many cases where a person is trying to pet or feed a
beloved pet in a darkened barn, and instead they feed a werewolf. They
see this as a "come on" (a slang word for wanting to have sex) and the
werewolf breeds with the person whether they like it or not. Some
people might enjoy this, others may not. I am not here to judge, but I
just so you know having love with animals is wrong.

I'd like to thank everyone for learning more about werewolves. If
anyone has more questions you can feel free to ask them with the
contact link at the bottom.