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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Optimus Kyle (Transformers reference)

Over a year ago, our friends the Grojean’s started talking to us about this “life changing” thing they had all started doing called Landmark Education. My knee jerk reaction was immediate cynicism with a heaping tablespoon of skepticism and just a pinch of smugness. I will admit though that I was slightly taken aback at just how convinced (at the time I may have said brainwashed) they seemed to be. These were what I considered to be highly intelligent people and yet here they were trying to convince me that I of all people could benefit from a life coaching seminar. So maybe it was more like a cup of smugness than a pinch but regardless, I listened and kept blowing them off saying, “oh I know exactly what that’s all about, my Dad does that crap for a living. I grew up with that language! Nothing there for me that I don’t already know, I assure you.” Well as of Tuesday night, Vanessa and I are now Landmark Grads. Let me just give you a taste of what was there for me.

The Big Kahuna thing I got, the Mamajama thing, the real Crème de la crème (do you get how important this is?) the thing that will undoubtedly have the largest and most lasting impact on my life is the realization that for the past 20 years of my life, I have been a compulsive liar! Half of you are now going WHAT THE HELL!? And the other half of you are going, well that explains a TON! So now that it’s out in the open, let me explain to you all just what that means for me:

Having made that about as public as I possibly could, I have now started living a life that is NOT founded on or surrounded by lies. Do you have any idea how liberating that is for a compulsive liar?

I am now no longer restrained by my fears of being judged by everyone around me which is why I began lying in the first place! Do you have any idea how liberating THAT is!?

I am now, for the first time in my adult life, experiencing what it’s like to have every single possibility that I can imagine available to me and most importantly, I can now take actions that will turn those possibilities into reality. In the past my lies protected me from my fear of failure, disappointment or judgment but in that "protection" it kept me from taking an active role in my life and the infinite possibilities available to me. I have unshackled myself from those irrational fears, and that my friends is true freedom.

Ok now pause, go back up to the part that says “The Big Kahuna” and read that section again real quick. I just want to make sure you are all getting this. I have lied to nearly every single person in my life for the past 20 years! I’m not saying it to be like “harhar fooled you all, you suckers” I’m saying it because I want all of you to understand that if you are reading this now, chances are I told you a lie and for most of you, it was probably a big one. For example, I still haven’t graduated from college. Why would I lie about that, you might ask? Because in my mind twisted in illogical and irrational fear, you, my friends and family would think lesser of me. I lied to protect myself from being lowered in your esteem, but my lies didn't fix anything, rather they imprisoned me and helped to justify my inaction. I know it isn't logical.

Now here’s the thing. I imagine that somewhere, at sometime, someone has said the words I love you and didn’t mean them. That’s not the kind of liar I was so let me make this part perfectly clear. If I ever told you I love you, I meant it, and whatever lie I may have told you, it was because I love you that I said it. That’s a little unclear I think so let me try saying that in a different way. I am not by nature a proud person. I cry in the movie theatre, I tell childish jokes and laugh at them afterwards, in short, I rarely give two farts about what anyone I DON’T KNOW AND LOVE thinks about me. If you mean something to me though, if you have impacted my life even in the slightest way, I cannot help but want you to like/approve of/care about/love me as well.

I learned when I was five years old that it’s far easier to change how people think about you with WORDS than it is with ACTIONS. And so, I started telling lies, mostly about myself to make me look better but also to avoid responsibilities. As I grew older my skill set grew and I honed my deceptive ways into a fine art. I could go on all night about this but what I really want you all to know is that I thought all that “web weaving” would ever do is keep me protected from the judgment of others. Now I know that what it truly did was keep me from having any real relationships with everyone in my life. I want you all to know how sorry I am. I am truly so, so, SO sorry. Every single one of you has a very real place in my heart, and I was too blinded by my fear of losing your respect and acceptance that I couldn’t be who I really am with you. I have only been able to have real MOMENTS with all of you and that is NOT how I want to live my life. I am committed to starting new with all of you who are willing to let me. I take full responsibility for my actions and I willingly accept the consequences because they are worth far more to me than an empty life.

If any of you haven’t quite caught on to the full ramifications of this, let me just tell you how excited I am to be able to say that for the very first time, Vanessa and I are having a real relationship together. i.e. I have come COMPLETELY clean with her! I have admitted to my wife that I have lied to her about so many things for years and SHE’S STILL WITH ME!!! That should tell you something! She is truly an amazing and extraordinary person to be able to see me for who I am being and not for what I have done. I can’t express just how honored I feel to be married to her and I don’t care how many of you just threw up a little from reading it. Oh yea, and I told my parents as well and for the first time in over 10 years I am actually looking forward to talking with them! AMAZING!

Kinda makes me wonder how things would have gone had I just kept saying “nothing there for ME.” But anyways, these past few days have been a real rollercoaster. By the way, I’m not trying to imply that Landmark Education is that magic pill that makes all of your troubles in life go away. I assure you that it’s not and that if your still looking for that magic pill, let me know when you find it please. Living life is still a challenge and that ain’t changing but there’s a big difference between living your life thinking; “ya it’s a challenge and it SUCKS!” and thinking; “it sure is a challenge and I FREAKIN LOVE that!”

SO! If any of you are willing to let me start fresh with you, please, PLEASE let me know, and by the way, I know that you guys are all wondering what the lies were and let me say that I am more than happy to come clean but for one thing, it would take 5 more pages for me to confess all of them and none of you would read it all and for another thing, it ain’t easy for a compulsive liar to separate the facts from the fiction so let’s just do it on a one to one basis. If you want to know more, give me a call. I’m actually answering my phone now! AMAZING RIGHT!?

I Love you all so much and can’t wait to start having real relationships with all of you!

P.S.

Just in case any future employers may be looking at this and thinking, “good lord, I don’t want to hire a compulsive liar to work for me!” please just ask yourself this one question; How would it feel to know that you had an employee that was not only honest with you about everything they did and didn’t do, but held THEMSELVES accountable for all of their actions? That’s what I’m doing right now, and by the way, it’s infectious.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

Kyle, I'm moved by your commitment to the people you love and your commitment to honor your integrity. What I have found is that when you start telling the truth about how things are, it gives people the space to do the same and it's a real contribution. We're all human, after all. I'm so pleased for you and Vanessa and what's possible for you in your life. Love you both, Nancy G.

The history of this family is one of second chances and forgiveness. I have been forgiven more than most. One thing I know is that any distance you feel from the family is an illusion. You are cherished and loved. I know two boys who absolutely think you are a super hero. You have made a courageous leap back into the light. Fix what's broken and move forward. If you need help, just ask. Hope we can see you soon. From your uncle who introduced you to ketchup.

Sonshine,I am proud to be your Mom!!I'm extremely proud of you for being the new man that you are, facing your past full on, outing yourself, and committing to truth and honesty.I will always love you, no matter, and look forward to getting to know the "real" you. I'm sending you the song I told you about.Sweet Daughter Vanessa,THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING KYLE and for giving him another chance. Forgiveness is a blessing for all.I love you!Mom K

Dear Kyle: I have always admired your mother's strong sense of herself because like you, I have cared too much about what people think of me. I'm proud of you for standing up and saying that you aren't going to live that way anymore. I still struggle with wanting to please and saying what I think people want to hear...so now you can be my new role model.

As long as you make right with yourself and Vanessa and can indeed move forward, all that is lost can be gained. We want you and Vanessa to know that we really cherish our friendship with you both and we are excited about the years to come. Stay healthy and motivated and let’s go spear fishing…

You are a truly amazing human being. I am so proud of you and honored to call you family. I have to say that my "shock and awe" at your revelation lasted only mere seconds. Not because I expected or suspected any such thing but rather that I have always known that you are a wonderfully caring and loving person who would never intentionally hurt anyone, especially those you loved. Your heart has ALWAYS been true, even if your head and mouth didn't always follow. You are so brave and I have no doubt that life will be even more amazing for you in the years to come. Tim's boys are right...you are the most wonderful kind of super hero and I feel blessed to count you as a role model to my boys.I cherish you. Always have, always will.

If everyone wrote about their sins of the last 20 years and published it on the internet, the internet would implode with the weight, and that is without taking into consideration the almost daily offenses such as pride, self-centeredness, greed, covetousness, materialism, blatant disregard of the needs of our neighbors, etc. That is why Jesus told the crowd gathered to stone the woman caught in adultery, "Whoever is without sin among you, throw the first stone."It is refreshing to know that our families and friends are those people who are humble enough and self aware enough to react in loving and kind ways.

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Our blessed wedding day

Welcome

Thank you for visiting our blog. Originally, this blog started as a template for my (Vanessa) thoughts. Over time, it has evolved to be a travel memoir and a general journal for our( my husband and my) life together. Kyle and I have been married for nearly 4 years now, but have been together, forever, since December 2000. We are so lucky to have found true love, and thank God everyday for our many blessings. We are from Texas but have been transported across the world to teach English in Korea for an indefinite amount of time. The culture of Korea is interesting and different and always provides great writing material. If you would like to follow us on this wild and crazy ride, please subscribe above. Once again thank you, and we would love to hear from you!

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High School Sweethearts

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My favorite quotes

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain."

“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost" JRR Tolkien

This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. ~ Elmer Davis

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools." Martin Luther King jr.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Confucius

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather we are Spiritual Beings having a human experience - anonymous

Imagination is more important than knowledge, for whilst knowledge points to all there is, imagination points to all there could be. Albert Einstein

"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. " ~ Cadet Maxim

The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions ~ Oliver Wendell

The cavity which suffering carves into our souls will one day also be the receptacle of joy.Neil A. Maxwell

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness."- MLK

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou

No Difference / Shel Silverstein

Small as a peanut Big as a giant,

We're all the same size

When we turn off the light.

Red black or orange,

Yellow or white

We all look the same

When we turn off the light.

So maybe the way

To make everything right

Is for God to just reach out

And turn off the light!

To the dull mind all nature is leaden. To the illumined mind the whole world burns and sparkles with light.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If the only tool we have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail." Abraham Maslow"The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people." Napoleon

“You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming.” Pablo Neruda

"The world doesn't come to the clever folks; it comes to the stubborn, obstinate, one idea at a time people".Mary Roberts Rinehart

More quotes

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. - Marianne Williamson

"I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we too, will be remembered not for our victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit."-President John F. Kennedy

"Listen to the MUSTN'T, child,

Listen to the DON'Ts

Listen to the SHOULDN'Ts

The IMPOSSIBLES,

the WON'Ts

Listen to the NEVER HAVEs

Then listen close to me--

Anything can happen, child,

ANYTHING can be."

Shel Silverstein

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.Marie Curie

“You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming.” (Pablo Neruda)

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close. ~Pablo Neruda

Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and carefully starts to sing while it is still dark. - Anonymous

If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves. Thomas Edison

Mind is consciousness which has put on limitations. You are originally unlimited and perfect. Later you take on limitations and become the mind. - Sri Ramana Maharsh

Happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it is too late. Today, this hour, this minute is the day, the hour, the minute for each of us to sense the fact that life is good, with all of its trials and troubles, and perhaps more interesting because of them.- Robert R. Updegraff