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And now we have arrived at the worst Marillion “Christmas” album. There had to be one, didn’t there? Unusually for a Christmas CD, this one contains almost zero seasonal content. Which, you know, that’s no so bad in and of itself. Unfortunately, the 2004 Christmas CD is all remixes.

Marbles-era Marillion went a little remix-happy. They had singles remixes. They had a fanmade remix album (Remixomatosis) with a bonus CD of also-rans. They had a 12″ promo single under the band name “Remixomatosis” with even more remixes. And for the diehards who had a fanclub subscription, the annual holiday album was choked with nine more of these fanmade remixes.

The only Christmas content is the usual “Christmas Message”…which is, due to the unavailability of the band, just a remix of previously recorded Christmas messages. Amusing? Yes. Disappointing? Indeed.

The liner notes explain that Marillion received over 500 remixes from fans, and Remixomatosis represented the winners as voted for from the band. Baubles, then, are the best of the rest. It starts well enough, with the “Ordnance Survey Mix” of the excellent song “Map of the World”. This one is decent because it doesn’t just mix in more drum loops, but oodles and oodles of string arrangements. It’s “Map of the World” reimagined for strings, but unfortunately suffocating some of the regal vocal melodies in exchange.

Next is the “Demystified Mix” of “This is the 21st Century”, which begins by reducing everything to basic piano and percussion, and then adds the bass and accoutrements. The chorus has a strange floaty quality. Then the “2.5 Hearts in the Groove Mix” of “Fruit of the Wild Rose” is like coming down into the mud. Very little of the original song remains, drowned by lofty beats and bass. The funky chorus is good but the rest loses the plot too much.

“Number One” is a cool song for remixing, and this one is interesting. Fast synth and beats turn it into something new, a pounding dark dance number. They call it the “Whatever Mix” but it’s better than the name suggests. It blends seamless into the “No Monsters Remix” of “If My Heart Were A Ball It Would Roll Uphill”, which doesn’t leave much of the original song intact. I would have called it the “Boring Disco Remix”. Moving on, “When I Meet God” is still recognizable in form of its “Ontological Mix”, with changes made to the guitar and drums. It’s a good alternate mix to the original.

The “Latino Freak Mix” of “Separated Out” is surprising. Taking the heaviest song on the album and making it into a mambo? OK, I’ll give you points for that. It’s not my cup ‘o hot chocolate, but to each their own. The normally wonderful single “Between You and Me” is put into a laid back snooze on the “Martini Mix”, a failed (if jazz) experiment. Finally the CD gratefully closes on the “Hard Time Mix” of “Quartz. That aptly describes how it feels listening to this whole CD front to back.

As we edge closer to the start of a new decade, it’s the perfect time to look back at the turn of the millennium, 20 whole years ago. Sony decided that Europe’s “The Final Countdown” would make the ideal anthem for the millennium, and so had it remixed by the guy (Brian Rawling) who did Cher’s “Believe” a year earlier. Joey Tempest was not amused, and tried to find another mixer without success. Drummer Ian Haughland called the finished remix a “disaster”.

The full length remix is the antithesis to rock music. Sped up, with bouncy synth bass and drums, it was obviously calculated for dancing. There are keyboards, weird sounds, and samples that have nothing to do with the song. Of the original recording, Joey’s vocals remain, but the rest sounds completely digital. It goes on, and on. The edit is tolerably shorter, but barely. “The Final Countdown 2000” is an affront to rock music and everything its fans enjoy. It is pure pandering to people who would never have bought a Europe album in the first place. Is that what Sony felt they had to do in order to make it a hit a second time? Imagine if Europe recorded a new version with both guitarists instead. The song was already pop enough to be a hit again on the wave of 80s nostalgia. It didn’t need to be mutilated to fit into a dance remix. It surely would have done better than this (#6 in Sweden, #36 in the UK).

As a consolation prize, this CD single includes a single edit of the original song. All it’s missing is the countdown opening. After hearing the dance version twice, it sounds strangely sluggish (even though it’s not). It’s like taking an offramp from the highway into normal traffic.

For me, undoubtedly the most heavily anticipated new album of 1994 was the new Motley Crue. Originally titled ‘Til Death Do Us Part, the self-titled ’94 Crue disc was their first with new singer/guitarist John Corabi. They holed up with producer Bob Rock and knuckled down, creating what could have been the most important album of their careers. The long wait (five years between studio albums) and cryptic remarks from the studio indicated that this would be the heaviest Motley album ever, and their most ambitious. The new, serious Motley for the 90’s had, as always, written plenty of extra material too.

In addition, producer Bob Rock had an idea for getting creative juices flowing. He asked each of the four members of Motley Crue to write and record a solo track with no input from the other members. This was slightly historic: the first time Nikki Sixx, Mick Mars, Tommy Lee or John Corabi had done anything solo. With all the numerous outtakes recorded for the Motley Crue LP, there was now plenty of extra material to put out as a bonus EP.

A mail-away coupon inside the Motley Crue CD alerted fans that five more tracks were available by mail order only. 20,000 copies of the original EP were pressed. They included all four solo tracks and a new Motley Crue song called “Babykills”, featuring fifth Beatle Billy Preston on clavinet!

Still, the lucky fans in Japan didn’t have to mail away for anything. They were able to buy Quaternary right on their store shelves, and because it’s Japan, they also got bonus tracks. The Japanese version of Quaternary was not a five song EP, but more like a nine-song mini-album. I had no idea such a thing existed until finding one at Sam the Record Man in Toronto in the summer of 1996. It still has the price tag: I paid $49.99, for a total of three songs that I did not have before.

Today, every one of these songs can be found on the box set Music to Crash Your Car To: Volume II, along with even more bonus mixes.

Quaternary commences with industrial noises and studio dialogue:

Tommy Lee: “I can’t play with fuckin’ clothes on man, this is bullshit.”Bob Rock: “Play naked.”Tommy Lee: “Fuckin’ jeans on, a fuckin’ shirt…what up with that?”Bob Rock: “What, do you work in a bank?”

The industro-rap metal of Tommy Lee’s “Planet Boom” is a track he had been working on for years. An early version made its debut in the background on the 1992 home video release Decade of Decadence. Even though the words “industro-rap” and “Tommy Lee” don’t really sound good together, “Planet Boom” kicks ass. Tommy played all the instruments, utilising a simple, detuned Sabbathy riff and a relentless drum loop. The strength of his vocal came as a surprise, as did the song in general. A few years later it was remixed for Pamela Anderson’s movie Barb Wire. (Stick with this original.)

After a brief studio discussion with Mick Mars about hemorrhoids (?), his blues instrumental “Bittersuite” blows your ears off. Motley fans know that Mick Mars is the most musically talented member, considered an underrated and under appreciated rock god. The blues-rock of “Bittersuite” isn’t as satisfying as I imagine a pure blues offering to be, but there is no doubting Mick’s talent here. Both as a writer and a player, Mick hit it out of the park (Chris Taylor played drums). Mick’s goal was to pay tribute to rock-blues greats like Beck, Hendrix and Blackmore. Mission accomplished. His guitar tone is beautiful and so are his emotive licks.

Nikki Sixx goes third, with another industrial-metal cross. “Father” is one angry fucked up track. It’s heavy and direct, on-trend for 1994, and very abrasive. The riff and song are simple, but Nikki’s anger leaks through. “Father — where were you?” Backwards guitars, electronics and loops on top — you can tell Nikki and Tommy were listening to the same kinds of music at the time!

New kid John Corabi goes last, and in the liner notes he says that “Friends” is his first piano song. He meant to go acoustic, but “Friends” just came out of him. It’s a pretty Queen-like ballad with lovely harmonies in the middle. Although Mick Mars’ song is probably a greater technical achievement, “Friends” is my favourite of the solo tracks. When a guy like Corabi gets going on a ballad, it’s usually going to be amazing anyway. Throw in the Queen elements, and I’m just a sucker for it! It’s really a shame that Motley did not continue with John beyond this. The potential for greatness was always there.

After more studio chatter, we break into “Babykills”, the Billy Preston collaboration. “Babykills” is fun and funky hard rock, probably the heaviest thing Preston ever played on. Unfortunately his part is little more than an added topping. Great tune though; probably far too good to lie hidden away on an obscure mail-order EP.

An impromptu jam that seems to be called “I Just Wanna Fuck You (In the Ass)” ends the original EP on a jokey note. “What the fuck do you want, for fuck all?”

As mentioned, the Japanese had bonus tracks. These are tracks that did not make the finished Motley Crue album, since they had recorded so much extra material. “10,000 Miles Away” is a cool blues ballad, showing off more of Mick’s fine fingerwork. It was obviously too much of a standard sounding song to fit in with the experimental Motley Crue album. Not that the album stood a chance in hell after grunge cleared the decks, but you do wonder if it would have been better received if some of these more digestible songs were included on it.

The one track on the Japanese release that is easy to skip is the Skinny Puppy remix of “Hooligan’s Holiday”. This track was already available on the “Hooligan’s Holiday” single and it’s since been re-released in other places too. It’s long — over 11 minutes. Dave “Rave” Ogilvie remixed it with Dwayne Goettel and cEvin Key, so it is of possible interest to Skinny Puppy collectors. The thing that bugs me about it is that it strikes me as lazy. The song is pretty much the same as always for the first three minutes, and then the remixing begins. The whacked out and frankly boring remixed part goes on for almost seven more minutes, before transitioning back to the standard song. In other words, what Skinny Puppy did here was edit out the middle section and guitar solo of the song, drop in seven minutes of remixed barf, and then put the ending back on.

Two demos round out the CD: “Hammered” (which did make the album) and “Livin’ in the No” (which did not). The “Hammered” demo is structurally the same as the album version, no radical departures. It sounds like much of it is live in the studio, and it’s clear that Motley were focusing on grooves. It’s all about the four guys being locked in. Finally “Livin’ in the No” is in the standard hard rock mold. Again, a track like this fits in less well with the unorthodox LP, but might have made it more accessible for fans. Even so, a guy like Vince Neil would never have been able to sing “Livin’ in the No” and make it sound good.

There is little question that the Motley Crue album deserves its 5/5 star rating. This being a collection of outtakes, the same cannot be expected. Still, it does deserve a very respectable:

4/5 stars

Get the complete EP including all Japanese bonus tracks on Music to Crash Your Car To: Volume II. That set also contains more remixes originally from single B-sides of the era: “Misunderstood” (Guitar Solo/Scream Version), “Hooligan’s Holiday” (Derelict Version), “Misunderstood” (Successful Format Version), “Hooligan’s Holiday” (Brown Nose Edit).

Remix projects: Often dicey, usually over-indulgent cash-grabs. I always give Marillion the benefit of the doubt where integrity is concerned. In the liner notes, singer Steve “H” Hogarth says that the art of the remix at its best is to produce a cerebral trip, and I think that was the aim here. He refers to this as a “reconstruction” and that sounds about right.

Having just completed the This Strange Engine album, Marillion handed over the master tapes to The Positive Light (Marc Mitchell and Mark Daghorn) for creative reconstruction. The duo had impressed them with some early work on “Estonia” so they decided to go all-in. That track is the first on the CD, Tales From the Engine Room. It’s a swirly, heavenly version but not a drastic departure. Hogarth’s vocal isn’t chopped to bits, the melodies remain the same, and the overall structure is unchanged. It is as if the body of the song were played by Jean Michel Jarre instead of Marillion.

“Estonia” folds neatly into “The Memory of Water”. This experiment turns the song into a light dance number. It’s not nearly as great as the pounding “Big Beat Mix” on the Radiat10n CD. This version just kind of circles around without going anywhere. It’s always risky, extending a three minute song to almost ten! Sorry Positive Light, I have to give you a D on “The Memory of Water”.

If you like long bombers then you’ll love “This Strange Engine”, all 20+ minutes of it! That’s not too much of a stretch, since the original is over 15. Of this one, Hogarth says, “[it] reduced me to tears. I would advise you to listen to it on a Walkman whilst walking through the town on a Saturday afternoon. It makes everyone move in slow motion!” While it is cool, it has never given me that exact effect. It really starts to swell into dramatic waves when it gets into that “tall tales of Montego Bay,” section. A solidly trippy remix.

Onto “One Fine Day”, which was never one of the strongest tracks. With the Positive Light, it acquires a trippy jazzy slant. I don’t know what “Face 1004” is, except perhaps a Positive Light original? It bears no resemblance to the fine Marillion song “Man of 1000 Faces”, but it’s a beat-heavy dance track much in the style of the rest of this CD.

The original CD ended with track 5; reissues also contain “80 Days”. Since there’s no point in buying an incomplete version, you may as well look for the reissue. “80 Days” is far removed from its jaunty, celtic origins. Now replete with electronic beats and tribal singing, it is still a celebration of touring the world.

Tales From the Engine Room turned out to be an apt title for a successful experiment. The Positive Light took the songs down to their cores without losing what made them the songs that they are. They re-presented the tunes in a new way, in a different genre. While this is far from an essential purchase, it will be appreciated by fans of latter-day Marillion.

My sister, bass clarinetist Kathryn Ladano, just completed the east coast leg of her Canadian tour last month. This was followed by a western leg, but while returning home from the east there was a stop in Montréal. Kathryn is a collector too, though not to the extent that I am. She doesn’t need the physical musical media in her daily life like I do. She still collects some of her favourite bands, and has recently started buying vinyl. While in Montréal, she visited a record store called Aux 33 Tours, located at 1373 Mont-Royal Est. According to their website, it is the largest record store in the city. She emailed me the following day, May 27, raving about the store. I’ll let her take it from here! Enjoy the pictures.

I found the most amazing record store in Montréal yesterday! I found almost all The Spoons’ albums on LP, including ones that aren’t available on CD. I also found a promo live album by them that didn’t have a proper cover because it wasn’t supposed to be sold. They were all dirt cheap – like $2 – $7. ‎One of them was autographed and personalized “To Martin”! [Fortuitously, her husband is also named Martin!] I also got Kid A on record. Kid A and Sgt. Peppers are reissues with heavy packaging. They had an original Sgt Peppers, but the reissue was cheaper, so I got that.

I spent about $140. Which I think is good for that many albums! ‎Note: the Simon and Garfunkel and Gord Downie ones are Martin’s.

I’d also like to point out how rare that Bryan Adams single is. He really tried to bury that song! Watch the video, you’ll hear why. (They sped up his voice which gives him a Chipmunks sound.)

Much like Diary and Blizzard, when Bark At The Moon was reissued in 2002, it was also remixed. People who own my preferred edition of this beloved Ozzy classic have noticed the unadvertised remix. (There was no sticker on the cover indicating this album was remixed, and it was also ignored in press releases. The liner notes claim this was mixed by Tony Bongiovi, like the original.) Why this was done is a mystery to me, I’ve never read anything about it. All I can say is that you’ll notice particularly on Jake E. Lee’s solos, the overall sonics, and some keyboard parts as well. The ending to some songs, and the beginnings of others are very different. Maybe Ozzy thought the album sounded dated? The remix seems as if they were trying for the drums and effects to sound “current”. Which is silly, of course. This year’s “current” is next year’s out of date, but classic will always be classic.

Either way, the original mix of Bark has been an underdog favourite for many years. Ozzy seems to really want to bury the Jake years. He only plays the title track live, none of the other songs. Granted, “Bark at the Moon” is clearly an outstanding track. There are still some lesser-known classics here equally good as the album tracks on Diary or Blizzard. For example, “Rock ‘N’ Roll Rebel”. This riff monster sounds like the natural successor to some of the best moments on Diary. There are a ton of great songs here. “You’re No Different”, which is one of those great Ozz slow burners is another one. I’ve always liked “Slow Down” and of course “Waiting for Darkness”. Ozzy had gothed out his sound a lot more on this album and you’ll hear a lot more keyboards and even strings.

Ozzy was in a bad place back in ’83. Still hurting from the death of Randy Rhoads, Ozzy was forced to audition players again, a process he hated. Jake E. Lee (ex-Ruff Cutt) was selected, perhaps due to his ability to meld white hot riffs with neoclassical shredding. Bassist Bob Daisley returned, as did drummer Tommy Aldridge, who had played on the last tour. Don Airey returned for keyboard duties, creating a spooky atmosphere for the Ozzman to prowl.

And prowl he did. This is a hard rocking album, probably harder than the two Rhoads discs. It is also a dark sounding album. Blizzard has a lot of musical joy on it; you can hear that these guys were stoked to be playing those songs. Bark sounds a bit tired by comparison, a bit like a druggy haze. “Now You See It (Now You Don’t)” is an example of a song that has all these qualities. It has a hard, almost Sabbathy guitar riff, but is cloaked in darkness.

“Rock ‘N’ Roll Rebel” is the most upbeat song. Who doesn’t like a song about rebellion in the name of rock and roll? It also has obvious references to the TV preachers who were out to get Ozzy at the time, so the song is like a big middle finger from Ozzy. “I’m a just a rock ‘n’ roll rebel, I’ll tell you no lies. They say I worship the devil, they must be stupid or blind.”

Then you have the jokey weird ballad, “So Tired”. At least that’s how I heard it then, and still hear it now. The video seems to emphasize the jokey aspect. Who doesn’t love to see Ozzy dressed up as monsters? As far as the song goes, I have no idea what they were thinking at the time. Maybe it was the drugs? Another weird thing — even thought I think the song is a joke, I love it!

As mentioned, since the remix changes the sound of the album and swaps out solos here and there, pick up one of the earlier CD editions. The 1995 remaster is pretty good; it contained the B-side “Spiders” (sometimes written as “Spiders In The Night”). Unfortunately even though it’s a well sought rarity, it’s not one of Ozzy’s better songs. It’s an obvious B-side. Better (because it’s funnier) is “One Up The B-Side” which makes its CD debut on this edition. “The bent overture”. Heh.

Now that Ozzy and Sharon have seen the light and finally reissued the original mixes of Blizzard and Diary, one can always hope for a long term Ozzy reissue program. I’d like to see the original mix of Bark At The Moon made available again. I think it’s a shame that Ozzy seems to have disowned most of the Jake E. Lee era. Jake was and remains a great guitarist — check out his work on the incredible Badlands album.

Eager to cross over to new fans, in 2004 Marillion released an album called Remixomatosis. It was a 2 CD set of fan remixes of tracks from 2001’s Anoraknophobia. Hogarth-era Marillion have not been remix-shy, having done something like this on 1998’s Tales From the Engine Room EP. Aware that chances of being played in the clubs were slim, the following year Marillion released a promo EP of three more remixes under the band name Remixomatosis. The name Marillion appears nowhere on the sleeve.

99% of the time, I really dislike remixes, especially when songs are danced up. I bought this for the collection, but let’s give it a spin. “You’re Gone”, originally from Marbles, sounded very little like the “Debonair Dub Mix” on this EP. All I can hear from the original track is Hogarth’s vocals. Maybe some keyboards, but who knows because the dominant part of the song is an annoyingly repetitive synth & beat. This goes on for an agonizing 7:55. This is not a song I would listen to for enjoyment.

The “Plasma Dub Mix” of “Between You and Me” is almost twice as long as the “Marillion Vs. Plasma” version on the Remixomastosis CD. This track adds a new bass line consisting of four notes that repeat over and over and over and over and over. Then a little bit of Hogarth’s vocal is dubbed over synthesizer lines. There have been better remixes of this song, notably the Mark Kelly remix from the “Between You and Me” CD single. After a couple minutes, the remixer Robert de Fresnes throws in some acoustic guitar from the original song, which really only makes me want to hear the original song. If you like repetitive music made by computers, go for it.

The closing track is the best (and shortest) one, the “Into the Fire Mix” of the superb “Don’t Hurt Yourself” from Marbles. As arguably the best song on Marbles, it is a difficult track to ruin. The remixer Cameron Lasswell wisely leaves Steve Hogarth’s vocal intact. The vocal hooks on this song have always been fetching. They are now cloaked in spacey synths, which I prefer to dumb repetitive synths. It sounds like a song by Lights, perhaps, or one of her soundalikes.

I can’t rate this EP very high. This is a collectible, pure and simple.

Welcome to theWeek of EPs! No sooner do I finish the Record Stores Tales before I’m off on yet another series! Each day this week, I’ll be checking out a variety of EP releases, both famed and obscure. Let’s start with a major band: Aerosmith.

AEROSMITH – The Other Side (1990 Geffen EP)

The first time I bought this, it was on cassette in a mall in Calgary, Alberta in August of 1990. I also bought Judas Priest’s Hero Hero at the same store, also on cassette. A completist even then, there was no way I was leaving without The Other Side. Of all my finds on that trip, this one I had never seen before. I later replaced it on CD while working at the Record Store.

The Pump CD is a great album, probably my favourite. The two songs from Pump that are on this single are “My Girl” and “The Other Side”, neither of which are really as great as the rest of Pump. That’s in my opinion; “The Other Side” was a popular hit. Notably, “The Other Side” lacks its intro, “Dulcimer Stomp” which may make it interesting for some.

The CD also has two useless remixes of “The Other Side”. The “Matt Dike ‘Honky Tonk’ Version” is just as offensive as the “Club Mix”. Maybe the Matt Dike version is slightly less offensive, but the added backing vocals and dance vibe is just crap. Neither mix adds anything of value to the song, but they are dragged out to 5:09 (Matt Dike mix) and an agonizing 7:04 (Club mix).

The main track that I bought the disc for was “Theme from ‘Wayne’s World'”. I actually had no idea what Wayne’s World was, although my cousin Geoff apparently did. Back then, I wondered what the hell this was. There were no liner notes to help either. This track is a mere 1:29, and it’s a straight up recording of the Saturday Night Live performance by Aerosmith of that song. I didn’t give a shit, I love it now. Perfect filler for the end of a mix CD!

Since this CD consists of two album tracks, two pointless remixes and a 1:29 song, you must be sure not to pay too much for it. As a kid I rarely played it, and the same can be said of the adult version of me.

It’sTHE WEEK OF SINGLES!Each day this week I’ll be bringing you reviews and images of a recent CD or vinyl single acquisition. Craig Feepicked this up for me at Jerry’s Recordsin Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

I had no idea this even existed! Craig found this one knowing it was something that I would find very interesting. Indeed! Promo discs sometimes do have exclusive bonus material on them, although most do not. I generally only value a promo disc if it has some kind of rare versions on it. This David Lee Roth 12″ has two exclusive remixes that I’ve never heard, nor heard of, before. Both exceed 7 minutes. These mixes were probably done in an attempt to get the song “Stand Up” played in dance clubs, a fairly common practice. Aerosmith, for example have many such remixes, released on commercial singles.

“Stand Up” is a good choice from the Skyscraper album for such an attempt. It was already the most pop and dance-like of the 10 tracks. These remixes were done by François Kevorkian, a name that made me chuckle a bit at first. Craig however immediately recognized the name, and told me that he’s actually a well known mixer. His name can be found on the credits of Depeche Mode’s Violator and Kraftwerk’s Electric Café albums, among others.

I’ve always said that remixes aren’t my thing, but I actually like these two versions of “Stand Up”. They are both similar in style, but have traits in common. They both have a similar sparse style that brings forward isolated elements of the mix to the forefront. There are some vocals here that you probably haven’t heard before, because they were never that prominent. Same with Steve Vai’s lead and rhythm guitar, which is actually used generously in these remixes. I’m not a big fan of dance-y rhythms, but it works on “Stand Up”.

The two remixes are the “Swank Remix (E.Z. To Swallow)” and “Extended Edit (The Long 1!)”. These unbearably annoying names had me expecting the worst, but I find this single to be quite listenable. I kind of like them actually. Bonus: the so-called “extended edit” has plenty of cowbell. Cheers to François Kevorkian!

Craig strongly recommended a two to three day stay at Jerry’s Records should I ever find myself in Pittsburgh. That’s how much vinyl they have. He also told me that they had a whack of old Van Halen picture sleeves. I said cool, bring ’em back to me! So he did, every single one that they had. He also picked up a promo Helix 12″ single for “Wild in the Streets” on red vinyl! That and some Triumph 12″ promos, plus a surprise that I think tops them up. I think the real treasure may be David Lee Roth’s “Stand Up”, from Skyscraper — a 12″ remix vinyl single that I was previously unaware of! Pretty exciting huh? Additionally, the Van Halen “Best of Both Worlds” contains the live version from the Live Without A Net video on the B-side.

Total expenditure? $45 bones. Craig is a great shopper. Thanks man!

All of these will come in handy in the future, because they coincide with a couple different series ideas that I was already going to work on. Now, those series will be even cooler. Stay tuned.