WildWest Football Board

A Few Good Trojans

Q. We'll get to last Saturday's humiliating loss in just a minute, coach. A moment ago said that you ordered the team manager not to deflate those footballs.

A. That's right.

Q. And the manager was clear on what you wanted?

A. Crystal.

Q. Any chance the manager ignored the order?

A. Ignored the order?

Q. Any chance he just forgot about it?

A. No.

Q. Any chance he left your office and said, "Goatboy's wrong"?

A. No

Q. When the manager spoke to his guys and ordered them not to deflate the footballs, any chance they ignored him?

A. Have you ever spent time on a football team, son?

Q. No sir.

A. Ever been in charge of tire pumps?

Q. No sir

A. Ever put your your own senile father in charge of the defense, while you put the offense in yours?

Q. No sir.

A. We follow orders, son. We follow orders or Trojans get boatraced. It's that simple. Are we clear?

Q. Yes sir.

A. Are we clear?

Q. Crystal. Coach, I have just one more question: If you gave an order that the balls weren't to be deflated, and your orders are always followed, then why would they be flat?, why would it be necessary to terminate the team manager?

A. Our team manager was a sub-standard Trojan. He was being terminated from the team because--

Q. But that's not what you said. You said he was being terminated because he did this on his own.

A. Sometimes managers take matters into their own hands.

Q. No sir. You made it clear just a moment ago that your people never take matters into their own hands. Your people follow orders or USC gets smoked. So those balls shouldn't have been in any danger at all, should they have, Coach?