cats

Heyyyyy Alaska had a 7.9/8.2 (depends who you ask) magnitude earthquake earlier this week and it set off my anxiety because GUESS WHAT? I LIVE IN A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE ZONE AND WE’RE OVERDUE FOR A MASSIVE SHAKEDOWN.

I have emergency bags at home, and I used to be pretty smug about that and thought I was ready! I’m adorable, in case you didn’t know. I knew the food probably needed to be replaced and I needed provisions for my cats, but when I opened the bag I got a major dose of reality: I am nowhere near ready for this. Aside from camping cutlery, some rudimentary first aid supplies, and four years already expired food, there was not much else in that bag that was going to save us.

My poor brain went into overdrive and I started doing what I do best: making lists and meal planning for the apocalypse. Look, I don’t know where I’m going to be when all of this goes down, but I don’t want to have to rely on what will already be an overburdened system. I’d prefer to be self-sufficient so that people who actually need help, such as the elderly, are getting it instead of assholes who couldn’t be bothered to put together an emergency kit. I don’t want to be an asshole if I can avoid it. Okay, I’m an asshole on a regular basis, but I don’t want to be one during a crisis.

I decided that there should be an emergency bag in each of our cars and two at home, each with enough supplies to sustain two people for three days. The bags at home will also have provisions for our cats, because I never, ever want to be in a position where I can’t care for them.

So lists were made.

Whatever is in italics I’ve already taken care of.

Cats:

Reflective collars and ID tags

Harnesses and leashes

Small cans of cat food that can be opened without a can opener

Dry cat food

Collapsible food and water dishes

Cat treats

A few toys

Food, three meals plus snacks and beverages:

Dehydrated soups with beans and lentils

Vacuum sealed, ready to eat pastas

Instant oatmeal

Dried fruit

Trail mix

Chocolate bars

Cliff bars

Instant coffee because having a caffeine headache during a crisis would definitely turn me into an asshole

Vodka

Pot, although it is technically not food

4 litre jugs of water

Electrolyte tablets

First Aid:

Latex gloves

Dust masks

Bandages of various sizes

Butterfly bandages

Gauze

Medical tape

Pain relievers (maybe pot should go in the first aid kit, too)

Ativan

Hand sanitizer

Ointment

And then I just said fuck it and bought four small first aid kits in addition to what I have above

Gear:

Backpacks

Single burner camping stoves and fuel

Lighters

Solar blankets

Whistles

Candles

Wind up flashlights

Radios with extra batteries

Fleece blankets

Nesting cups

Nesting bowls

Sporks

Small kettles/pots with lids

Dish soap

Bleach

Dish cloths

Note books

Sharpie markers

Folding knives

Extra large ziploc bags

Toilet paper

Clothes:

Base layers

Wool socks

Toque

Gloves

Runners

Underwear

Rain ponchos

To do:

Decide on rendez-vous points both from home and from work

Find the emergency shelters near home and work, just in case

Plan routes to those points that account for disaster response routes which will be closed to peasants like you and me

Make maps for those points and include emergency contacts and have them laminated

If at home, close the natural gas line

Make copies of ID’s and medical cards and medical insurance

So I’m about halfway there. I really hope I never have to experience a major earthquake that would make these kits necessary, and I’d be lying if I didn’t consider hunting down cyanide tablets to put in my kits so I don’t have to witness the collapse of humanity in the lower mainland.

I have a toe thumb on my right hand, and I am self conscious about it.

I still own a dress from when I was 15, and I will own it forever, I am pretty sure. The green dress.

I’d rather have a negitoro roll, tuna sashimi, or a spicy avocado roll, over a spicy tuna roll.

I hated rap in the 90’s, but I love 90’s rap now. Nostalgia is weird.

My first kiss was under the stars and that set me up for a lifetime of romanticizing space. I love space so very much.

I have a condition called Congenital Mirror Movement Disorder. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of holding my hand while I fish around in my pocket with my other hand, you’ll know just how little control I have over it. I am incredibly self conscious about it.

I’m getting asked for my ID less and less and I’m starting to realize that I am not immune to the physical process of time and that worries me a little bit.

I don’t know what I am doing with my life, I have no vision for the future. I’m less scared about this than I was five years ago.

I’m not very good at sewing, it usually involves a lot of swearing, but I enjoy doing it.

My fight or flight response is incredible. If someone else needs help- I am there in an instant and I do whatever is needed, but if I need help, I call my mom.

I love to have long bubble baths. The bath cures everything.

I’ve accepted that I am never going to have a firm stomach and that is okay, and that doesn’t mean that I have to keep it covered up, and I can still like the way I look.

Thigh gap was first pointed out to me when I was 18 while working on a marketing project in college, and it has fascinated me ever since that anyone would ever care about this.

I remember the strangest things, like most of my childhood friends’ phone numbers.

I think 12 year old me would be super impressed by 31 year old me, and maybe a little intimidated.

I’m not intimidated very easily.

I have plans to have Ferdinand the Bull tattooed on my body, and part of it will be an homage to my mom, but Ferdinand represents exactly who I am and always have been. Go read The Story of Ferdinand. I’m also a Taurus, so this fits.

I love perfume and lipstick. I used to love nail polish, but I hardly care about it anymore.

I like beverage variety. I like going to specialty food stores and buying four or five new drinks to try.

I love cocktails and alcohol, and once upon a time I was a certified bartender, but I don’t drink a lot or very often anymore.

I would love to start a personal fashion blog and talk about my clothes, if only to inspire people to wear their clothes a little differently and to take more risks.

I have a penchant for British period dramas- Mr. Selfridge, Downton Abbey, and Call the Midwife.

I love a good pun.

I live by two principles: I do what I want and variety is the spice of life.

I have very prominent facial expressions and it’s difficult to mask my true feelings.

I have a tattoo on my forearm which was once accused of being an insult to science. I can laugh about it now, but I was pretty hurt when it was first said.

I cry when your pets die.

I love both of my cats very much, but I like the annoying one just a little bit more. We have a lot in common.

I am strong in my convictions; I stand up for what I believe in and I am unwilling to compromise my values.