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I've been reading the forum for months and months now but have been reluctant to start posting due to a feeling like I'm not real poly enough. I've gained so much from reading the stories and posts here. I was pleasantly surprised to see the wide range of definitions of polyamory being used and that for the most part people seem so supportive and open minded with each other despite the differences. My limited experience leads me to believe people are either wired to be able to love more than one or they're not but I understand people can choose whether to practice polyamory or not as well. Who knows? Love is weird.

I'm a 30 year old heterosexual female. I was introduced to the word polyamory by a man who was being bullied about it in an online group I was part of when I was a teenager. I just couldn't see anything wrong with his situation and what he had to say and eventually left the group in frustration from defending him. I had totally forgotten about that until I tried to remember where I first learned that word. I have often loved more than one, and want to live my life open to love should it come along but it hadn't occurred to me to identify with that word until the last year or so when looking for advice.

I've been married to Herman for 12 years. He's 42, hetero and so mono he refuses to say he loves our dogs. I'm also in a long distance relationship with Jasper for about 6 years. He's 28, hetero, I'm not so sure where he stands on poly for himself. He's been free to date others from the beginning but never has. My life feels strange and difficult and terrible and unbelievably great all at once. It's taken so long for me to get up the courage to post that I'm back logged with all sorts of things I'd like to try to work through somewhere outside my own head so I think I'd like to start a blog here. I'm sure I'll get way too detailed there so I'll cut this introduction off here.

So yeah... Hi! and I'm sure I speak for many lurkers in saying thanks for posting here.

It sounds like you have a "V" situation with the two "arms of the V" (Herman and Jasper) being monogamous and possibly monogamous, and you (the "hinge of the V") being polyamorous. This mono/poly/mono dynamic can work, as long as the communication lines are flowing and everyone is working cooperatively to help meet each other's needs.

I've heard it said that many people have "degrees of poly-ness as an orientation." Someone who is 50-70% poly can probably still be happy in a monogamous life, if the conditions are right. But hopefully you'll be able to live the poly life that you desire.

Glad you could join us,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

__________________Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"