Has Facebook Ruined Friends for Us? Wine and Chats May be the Anecdote.

By the time you get to a certain age, chances are that many of your friends may have moved away. Jobs, family commitments, downsizing, and “retirement” are just some of the reasons. So how do you keep your real friends from becoming like your “Superficial Facebook Friendships?”

Has Facebook ruined friends for us? I couldn’t help thinking about this as I recently scrolled through my Facebook feed (at 5 am in the morning when I couldn’t go back to sleep and my online newspapers hadn’t arrived, which now sounds pathetic as I read this in black and white) and realized how many posts I get from people I don’t know and have never actually met. My FB friends on my personal page now number in the hundreds, and I’m a piker compared to some of my “friends” whose “friends” number in the thousands. Do I really care about their politics, where they ate dinner last night, or where they are on vacation right now? Well about as much as they care about my posts I suspect.

And what about all those perfect people living fabulous lives on Facebook? They always look beautiful in every post and they’re doing something fabulously fun in some divine locale. It’s the “everybody’s life is perfect on facebook” syndrome. It’s kind of like Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average. Okay, I plead guilty to that too, but those posts are better than the ones from the chronic Facebook complainers who consider a delayed airline flight or a jammed packed train a tragedy.

So we all know these are superficial friendships for the most part, but yet we get pulled into the time sucker vortex of Facebook. So here was my epiphany. What if we spent some of that time actually reaching out to our real friends?

By the time you get to a certain age, chances are that many of your friends may have moved away. Jobs, family commitments, downsizing, and “retirement” are just some of the reasons. So how do you keep up these long-distance friendships?

I have three best friends who have moved away. These were friends I use to see several times a month, if not a week. Friends I could pick up the phone and say meet me for a drink in an hour. Friends I could pour out my heart to. I felt abandoned. Sure, we still see each other a few times a year, but how do you stay connected to each other’s lives? How do you keep from having your real friends become like your superficial Facebook friendships?

Well one thing I’ve learned is you make time for them – whether it’s sending funny or thoughtful emails, remembering their birthdays, sending a just because you care card. But most importantly, spending quality time with them that’s NOT in cyberspace. A text just doesn’t cut it. So I’ve chosen the old fashioned way, and that’s the phone (that device that most of our kids only use to text) but you can actually use to have a phone conversation. Sure you could do this on skype video or Facetime too, but then you’d have to look halfway decent so your friend isn’t secretly thinking how you’ve let yourself go.

You can of course just pick up the phone whenever you have a minute or two and the mood strikes you, and call one of your besties. But how many times are they a) not home or b) they have to call you back or c) politely chat for a few minutes but they really have to get something done and don’t want to be rude. But here’s a concept that a friend of mine “invented”. We call it “Wine and Chat.” Here’s how it works.

Wine and Chat

We email (or text) each about once a week and pick a time and date that works for a nice long chat – ours are usually about an hour. And since we both like wine, and relaxing at the end of the day, that’s when we schedule our calls. It’s almost like being together in person. We’re both relaxed and we’ve made the time to just focus on us. Sometimes we have big things to chat about, but usually it’s the little minutia things in life that are what make good friends, friends. And I do actually care what she ate for dinner last night, what’s she’s doing this weekend, and where her next vacation is going to be. And even though we see each other less in person now, we are still connected and stay current in each other’s lives.

By the way, this approach can work for friends you haven’t connected with in a long time too.

Here’s my suggestion. Just try it. Reach out to a friend in an email or a text and schedule a phone chat (with or without the wine, but you know where we fall on that one.)

So is there a moral to this little story today? Well to paraphrase the “Godfather”, keep your Facebook Friends close, but keep your real friends closer, and hopefully forever.

Has Facebook Ruined Friends for Us? Wine and Chats May be the Anecdote. was last modified: April 2nd, 2018 by Cheryl Benton

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Founder/Publisher The Three Tomatoes
After a successful 25 year career in the New York City advertising agency business, Cheryl Benton launched 747 Marketing, a consulting firm which leverages digital marketing strategies to boost business success and also advises companies on how to market to women. Combining those skills, she founded The Three Tomatoes, a lifestyle web site and newsletter that celebrates women over the age of 40, a demographic that is often ignored by the media.
She is passionate about helping women and children succeed in life. She is currently President of the Metro NY Chapter of the US National Committee for UN Women, the United Nations entity for gender equality and the empowerment of women. She also serves on the board of NYWA (New York Women’s Agenda). She was inducted into the Business Marketing Hall of Fame, and recently received the “Distinguished Alumni Award” from Adelphi University. She is a frequent speaker on marketing to women, and women’s global issues.