Empty Mailbox

HW (05/12/2017): Dahvie hasn’t written to me in a while. TBH it’s probably been just under a month but I’m worried about him. Well, for one, I’m worried that I might have upset him. I said some things in my responses to his journals that were so much bolder then I’m used to. Like some of the comments on his family…I just hope that I didn’t make him upset.

Ugh I hate how I get so nervous about this sort of thing, how I’m so concerned about what other people think about me. Lol for once in my life I actually say exactly what I’m thinking and now I think I’ve pissed off Dahvie. My husband keeps telling me that Dahvie’s probably just in the hole again—I’m definitely praying for him, if that’s the case. That would be so horrible.

SL: This is some funny shit to me. When I first read this (I wrote you a letter on sight) I wasn’t in the hole. Now as I’m writin I’m in the hole! (Thanks to your husband). I got into a fight with a CO yesterday. My very first real fight with an officer in here. I would include what happened but then I’ll be retain it in savage life post. You’ll see. Never think you can piss me off with advice.

Only way you can piss me off (which is strange) is by not doin what I think or want you to do (strange cuz wtf is you suppose to do for me? right?) I’ve written you before. You must not of gotten it that shit piss me off. now I’m writin Mrs. Christina to deliver a message to you’ve gotten it by now though. Sorry for the wait. Aw yes you will see I made a post worrying I upsetted you with my savageness cuz you ain’t write back! Never worry about me. Be concern but don’t ever worry I’m always ok. Question: Why why why do you care what other people think of you? (think about it).

HW: Now that we’ve been writing more often, I’ve become a little more familiar with the pace of letters. Sometimes things just get lost in transit, or just take a really really long time. That’s ok, and I can handle it now that I know what’s going on. But man. It seems like any time I don’t know the whole picture I feel like it’s because I’ve done something wrong. Or offended someone. I always blame myself, some shortcoming of mine.

Why do I care what other people think about me….huh. Lots of reasons, I guess. I don’t want to hurt anyone, for one. Uhm…I don’t want to have done anything wrong in their eyes. I don’t want them to dislike me, and have them say negative things about me, and hurt me in that way. I want to have allies as opposed to enemies. Like, I feel like one enemy will bring me down. Yeah, I legit believe these things.