Comedian and writer Barry Cryer recalls the story of the tap-dancing duck act in which every night a world-weary mallard performed on a cake tin - until one night when the duck just stood there cleaning its feathers.

"What happened?" said the theater manager. The duck's trainer shrugged: "The candle went out."

I forgot to mention that on the very same night, the theater manager had to announce that the "Human Chameleon" act was canceled because the Human Chameleon had crawled across a tartan (plaid) carpet and was suffering from extreme exhaustion.

I knew the answer to your "challenge" even before I read Wagga's clue below it, Lynn.

Okay, Whitney Fan, let's see if you can give me the punchline to this silly joke......

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are watching a horde of Indian braves bear down on them in full battle fury. "Looks like we're in trouble, Tonto," says the Lone Ranger to his pal. "What you mean 'we,' white man?," Tonto responds.

Fearing for his life, the Lone Ranger shouts to his horse, "Hi-yo, Silver! Away!"

But the Lone Ranger didn't get far before he was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. The woman enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse. Alone!"

The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears looks him square in the eyes and says, "Listen carefully. For the last time, I said ..._____________! (fill in the blank)

A Babylonian general was declared a traitor for leading a revolt. He escaped the night before he was to be executed and hid in an old Babylonian ziggurat, or temple, where he expected to find some of his associates. Not finding them, he began to burn the papers they had left and was immediately recaptured.

Moral of the story: The searchin' general has determined that smoking ziggurats are hazardous to your stealth.

A Doctor, a Minister and an Engineer were playing golf. They are continually held up by the group ahead of them. In frustration they turn to the Club Pro. He tells them that the group playing so slowly are blind firemen. They saved the Club House from total destruction in a horrendous fire, and lost their eye sight. The Club felt such a debt of gratitude that it allows them to play whenever they want. The Doctor says, "I think that perhaps I could find an eye surgeon who could restore their sight. That would speed up play". The Minister says, "I'll pray to God for a miracle to restore their sight so play can speed up". The Engineer says, "Why don't you have them play at night ?"!

Tiger Woods was talking with Stevie Wonder and Stevie told Tiger "we should go golf together sometime".Tiger replied "I didn't know you golfed."Stevie says "Yeah I am really good Club Champion at Riviera and I can beat you."Tiger "Would you like to put a little money on that?"Stevie " Sure how about a $1,000 a hole ?"Tiger "Your on, where and when do you want to play?"Stevie " Riviera this Wednesday at midnight."

There was this nun named Sister Mary, who though she tried and tried, could never please the Mother Superior. One day she comes up with an idea: Since the abbey was always cold, she decided to cut some wood and build a fire in the fireplace to heat the place up.

She spent all day chopping, hauling and stacking wood. In the process, she wound up shredding the sleeves of her habit.

Later that night, as the other nuns came into the rectory, they were delighted to find the place warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring in the fireplace. Then Mother Superior comes in and yells, "Sister Mary! Go fix your torn habit this instant!"

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently.

Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my handon your leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. The the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again.

"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well,noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad, nodding.The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Atlanta , and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each! , shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each. "

Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Bob, look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Little Mountain, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant and won't wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Georgia drawl so's they don't know we is from South Carolina."

They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from South Carolina , ain't ya?"

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. I hope you enjoy these!

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather-- not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't..

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of a pool and throw them fish.

There was a priests' retreat at some retreat house and during the course of it the retreat master asked them to break up into groups of three. They were then to share their deepest darkest secrets, things they had never shared with anyone else ever.

The Dominican priest after much hemming and hawing said that he was an alcoholic. He had been so ashamed to tell anyone before. He drank all the time and just couldn't kick the problem. He was so glad that in the sacredness of this small group he could share this and now he felt so good, so free.

The Franciscan priest hesitated, but finally said he thought he could trust the other two and that his problem was gambling. He had been unable to control his urge to go to bet way beyond his means. He was also very ashamed of his habit and was so grateful that he could finally share it in such a context with his fellow priest.

It was the Jesuit's turn. He told the other two that he was grateful for their openness and honesty. He said he was so ashamed of his own problem. He had been working on it for years but hadn't yet gotten a handle on it. He had tried hypnosis and therapy, but nothing, he said, had helped him overcome his compulsion to gossip.

A Priest and a Rabbi were in a deep discusion about life, and when life begins.The Priest said "Life begins at conception."The Rabbi pauses puts his hand on his chin and says "Life begins when the kids move out and the dog dies."

Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, living in Fort Myers , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

The ProfessionsA mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage. "Hey, Doc, want to take a look at this?"The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and ask, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its' heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $60,000 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,500,000) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic . . ."Try doing it with the engine running."