The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (8/18)

Staying on top of current events is like trying to drink from a fire hose, only instead of a hydrant it's hooked up to a sewer line. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):