Team Woman!

Hello All,

I wanted to write a post about, and for, us girls! Can I start by saying I’m not singling out women or forgetting blokes (how could we – especially after that delightful dream I had about Greg James last night……..) but yes this post is generally for the female force.

Because ladies, I’ve got to ask, what the fuck is going on! I’ve seen a surprising amount of animosity this week amongst us girls, on many levels.

I am forever droning on about how women need to be supporting each other. It’s so true. There are so many ways society and social media try to pit us against each other as women, as mothers, as people. Are we working Mums, or stay at home mums, breastfeed or bottle feed, curvy or slim, heels or no heels (I’ll get on to that in a moment). There is a constant competition going on that frankly, the vast majority of us have never asked to be a part of.

Feminism has been in the media in a big way since a certain buffoon was elected President of the United States (still a frankly horrifying statement to type out). Women have been marching all over the world to make their voices heard for fear of his presidency pulling the most developed country in the world back into a 1950’s type era where women are seen and not heard. Fortunately for us its 2017 and we most certainly will be heard. I love strong women, women who aren’t afraid to have an opinion. However I have to say, and trust me I am shitting myself at your reactions to what I am about to say, what I don’t like is feminism in it’s current state.

Bear with me here.

Feminism is important. Equality is important. However I personally (and please remember this is only my opinion and that is half the point of a blog, to voice your opinions and thoughts) feel that feminism has been somewhat tainted because there are some women who are not feminists but just like to complain about everything and then call themselves feminists. Today there was a feature on TV about how us women don’t need a man to hold the door open – we can do it ourselves. I mean come on!!! That’s just ridiculous – who doesn’t love a gentleman who does such gestures. That’s not feminism or arguing discrimination, that’s just being pig headed. And the problem it’s crying wolf because when women do need to make their voices heard over important issues, such as the marches against Trumps policies, we may not be heard. We may not be taken seriously.

Heelgate was brought up on the news again this week – not sure why. And on my personal Facebook page I put it out there that I personally don’t think that being asked to wear heels at work is discrimination. If you’re in a client facing role you are representing a company and you have to look smart. Men have to wear suits, ties etc, and that’s not discrimination. I know heels hurt sometimes but I wore them every day for work (although I loved them). I don’t like women being singled out but I think a dress code for work is just part of your job. To me that isn’t a feminist issue. I got some interesting replies opening my mind to things I hadn’t considered such as you having health issues meaning you can’t or shouldn’t wear heels. But there were also people who felt it’s a sex sells thing and that it gives off the image that women should just be seen to the left of a powerful man.

Again this boils down to individual opinions. For me, I love heels, I have no issues with wearing them and having been a PA throughout my whole career it never occurred to me not to wear heels and comply to smart dress codes at work. It just wasn’t an issue to me. My problem with this whole debate is that it actually makes people labelling themselves as feminists as counter productive. It makes people, men AND women, do a bit of an eye roll because it’s not a major issue. There are far bigger feminist issues being protested about, and rightly so, at the moment. But I had private messages labelling me as a non supporter to women everywhere for that post.

That hurt. Because I don’t know how people can say I don’t support women, given this blog. It’s all about supporting women, encouragement, reassurance, happiness, fairness and being pro choice. And we are all entitled to our own opinions. You may disagree with someone’s opinion, that’s entirely acceptable if you do it in the right way. Belittling someone, judging them, being spiteful, that’s not the right way. It’s not the mature way and it’s not acceptable. I am a huge supporter of women – we make humans, we multi task and without Hermione, Harry Potter would have died in the first book!

In someways, for someone who is as strong willed as me, I am very naïve. My husband says this about me all the time, not in a critical way but in a way that comes across that that’s one of the things he loves about me. I am a little blinded sometimes to things going on right in front of me. Perhaps it’s my survival mechanism, shutting down the negatives that I unconsciously know I don’t need in my life. One thing I didn’t realise until very recently is the animosity going on amongst female bloggers.

I’ve had a couple of very minor instances of cattiness against me as a blogger, but on the whole I’ve been lucky. I’ve made some incredible friends through blogging (Bridie,Laura,Sarah, Charlie,Ursula, Wendy and Fran to name just a few). I don’t really take part in many of the group chats as I am awful at them and miss all the notifications because my phone is always on silent, but I’ve got a group of wonderful blogging girls around me who support me and each other. On the whole that’s what blogging is all about.

However I’ve also seen blogging friends getting absolute shit from other bloggers and I just don’t get it. As I say I am perhaps blind to things, perhaps people aren’t as nice as I think they are. I don’t get involved in any of that side of things; I hate confrontation and I’m not an argumentative person. But seeing this negativity, and coming across some of the belittiling and others I am close to have had put our way is so disappointing. It’s not supporting women at all. It’s making a mockery of women being taken seriously and leads me back, time and time again, that we have to be in this together.

I don’t think we’re in “a mans world” anymore. I think those days are long gone. But we’re going to struggle to be taken seriously if all they see from us is backstabbing, bitching and complaining about things that in the big picture are not problems.

To me feminism is being strong. Being confident. And being confident around those in the same vein as you, be it career, motherhood, blogging, pulls us all together. Don’t look at each other as threats, or competition or start drawing comparisons. Look at each other with admiration. Draw inspiration from each other (my lovely friend Rosie – you are my inspiration and I hope you read this but seeing as you work your arse off as an amazing business woman and Mum I can understand if it passes you by)! And if someone around you is negative and bringing you down then just calmly distance yourself. Don’t put negative vibes out there yourself – you’re better than that. If all us women pulled together instead of pulling each other down just imagine what incredible things could happen.

Be nice. Karma is something I truly believe in. Don’t be mean, don’t misjudge people, listen to each others thoughts and opinions. We’re all in this together.

18 Comments

Fab post as always Fi, how anyone can say that you don’t champion and support women would be beyond me, your blog speaks volumes. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I think you’re amazing. Not only are you intelligent and talented, not to mention incredibly beautiful (still green with envy at your sexy selfie!), but you are kind and loyal and supportive, and in that way, you’re pretty special. I will never understand why other women feel the need to beat eachother down just to make themselves feel better, nor why those who claim to be feminists are derogatory to other women, all I do know is that I choose to surround myself with strong women, and genuine women, and I have no time in my old age (37, shit!!) for anything else! xxxfive little doves recently posted…A letter to myself on my 17th birthday

Interesting post. Whilst women still fear to go out in the dark and women are killed in their homes every week and we still don’t have equal pay, we need to stick together for sure. Bigger battles to fight than blogging wars.

The woman march was pretty inspiring. We need to stand together – men and women – against people who would put us down or bully us. rather than fight amongst ourselves #kcacolsBread recently posted…My Sunday Photo: 22nd January

What a great post! I must admit, I read the story lines about the woman’s march and found them pretty inspiring. There definitely needs to be less judgement in the world of how everyone, not just women, live their lives. As long as you’re happy, and no one is getting hurt, then that should be all that matters. And we should all be supporting each other to achieve that #KCACOLS

I think where the discussion on heels is concerned, we should also turn to men’s attire and ask why, in this day and age, it is still the norm to be required to wear suits. I am sure everyone would get more job satisfaction and achieve more if they could wear more comfortable attire. Look at Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg. Look at every company in silicon valley.

If you take a flight nowadays, its common for the crew to announce that they’re primarily there for your safety. Why do so many wear pencil skirts? I’d rather my crew be agile enough to get me off the plane in the event of an emergency. Not look professional whilst we all die.

We all have different perspectives though, and it is good to share these so that our own opinions change and develop over time. Respectfully, of course.

In my opinion, it is cowardice to send someone rude personal messages on Facebook, and no way to acheive common ground. But many of these are interested only in what they believe.

This is so brilliantly said my lovely! Favourite sentence ‘To me feminism is being strong. Being confident.’ YES! I have no idea why women are so awful to each other – I’ve seen some of it too in blogging and it’s made me retract a little and actually made me question whether i wanted to continue blogging an sometimes that time to reflect and pop things into perspective can really help. Yay to your gorgeous girl gang! #BloggerClubUKjustsayingmum recently posted…How Well Do Your Children Know You?

I absolutely love this post! I have one on a similar theme this week too – let’s stop tearing each other down and just be nice to each other. We’re all trying to do the best we can. I think you’ve written this so well. I also love it when a gentleman holds the door open for me, or offers me his jacket when I’m cold. #BloggerClubUKLucy At Home recently posted…11 Tricks Every Budget Party Planner Should Know

I love this post Fi! I completely agree with you! How you dress for work has nothing to do with Feminism at all. I also don’t like to be involved in any controversial threads in Facebook. I personally prefer to stay away from all of that. This is my personal choice. I really try to avoid it! It is so important to keep yourself surrounded by people that will make you happy. This makes a difference. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. It is really nice to see you back, 🙂A Moment With Franca recently posted…Is it Grim up North?

I can’t bear cattiness! I went to an all girls school and work in a predominately female dominated industry so have come across a lot of cattiness and bitchiness over the years. It drives me crazy, we need to support each other rather than look for the things to attack each other for. Great post, thank you! #KCACOLSEmma and Family recently posted…January Goals – How did I do?

This is a great post, I can not believe that there is so much ill feeling and bitchiness. Its completely uncalled for I completely agree that we all need to support each other. We are all having to juggles families, blogs and jobs, lets make each other’s lives easier rather than harder. Thank you for sharing this with us at #BloggerClubUK xxMudpie Fridays recently posted…February Bucket List 2017

This is a brilliant post Fi and yes feminism seems to take on many forms these days, often for the wrong reasons! I totally agree that we should be supporting each other not biitching at each other. Life can be hard enough with things out of our control let’s not make it harder with issue that are in our control x