Pawlenty to choose from

Where were you when the world was supposed to come to an end on Saturday? You can tell that America is back to normal: People are selling T-shirts that read “I survived the end of the world on May 21, 2011.” That leaves the Mayan calendar’s due date for the end of times on Dec. 21, 2012, in tact. Before that happens (and it will if the Chicago Cubs win the World Series in October next year) Tim Pawlenty thinks he’ll win the presidency in November 2012. The former Minnesota governor announced on Monday that he’s a candidate for the Republican nomination. Please, people, try to contain your excitement. Pawlenty announced that he was running for president, not “entertainer-in-chief.” A clear slam at The Donald, who held the media hostage during his publicity stunt for a few weeks. It could also be taken as a knock against Mama Grizzly Palin, who has proven that she cannot lead but she sure can entertain. And she just bought a $1.7 million house in Scottsdale, Arizona, to back that up. Of course with ol’ “blood libel,” she’ll probably say she wanted to move to Arizona where illegals are prevented from crossing the border, and that she wanted to get out of Alaska before they tried to sneak in there. But back to Pawlenty, who is about as entertaining as a migraine. So, unlike Trump being called The Donald, guess we can’t refer to him as The Timmy. By the way, Timmy, wrong thing to say about being an entertainer. People like that in a candidate. A good chunk of being a viable presidential candidate is getting people excited about voting for you. JFK had it. Reagan had it. President Obama has it. Charisma is entertaining. The Timmy couldn’t ignite a crowd with a blowtorch. Watching Newt Gingrich self-destruct politically is entertaining. Listening to Palin the Parrot repeat Fox News talking points is entertaining. Waiting for the female Tasmanian Devil Michele Bachmann to announce she’s a candidate for the GOP nomination has the potential of offering a plethoria of entertaining moments. The Timmy is off to a less-than-memorable start. Nothing as disasterous as what Newt is experiencing. His announcement was overshadowed by Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels saying he wasn’t going to run for president. Daniels was the candidate of choice with the Bushies. Not only that, Pawlenty gave his “throwing my hat into the ring” speech while President Obama was giving a memorable speech in Ireland, where thousands greeted him enthusiastically. Obama told the crowd he came back to the Emerald Isle to find the missing apostrophe in his name. He also joked that he felt at home after having a pint. Of course Fox News will pick up on that and lead their shows with the president’s visit using the screaming headline: “Obama calls Ireland a nation of drunks.” Speaking of Foxholes, they keep trying to compare this upcoming presidential eleection to that of 1992. That’s when an unknown Democratic candidate from Arkansas named Bill Clinton came out of nowhere and got the Democratic nomination. And he went on to beat the incumbent Daddy Bush. Not surprisingly, Fox has this one wrong, too. At least they’re consistent. Daddy Bush lost because he proved in the debates that he was out of touch with the American people. And there was also a little runt in the litter named Ross Perot, who ended up taking votes from Bush 41′s column. The presidential election of 2012 is shaping up to resemble the election of 2012, when the GOP nominated sacrificial lamb Bob Dole, who lost badly to Bubba Clinton. The Republican Party looks like they may be thinking past 2012 and concentrating on 2016, when all hell will really break loose with candidates. Much to their dismay, the good ol’ white guy GOP won’t be able to stop Florida Sen. Marco Rubio’s juggernaut of a campaign in the primaries. Then, with the Hispanic population being what it will be by 2016, Rubio will probably win and become the nation’s first Latino-American president. And all the Democrats will be able to do is hound Rubio until he provides proof of his long-form birth certificate, proving he wasn’t born in Cuba.

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