The irony in environmental news

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Monthly Archives: May 2015

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“Despite becoming extinct over 400 years ago, 14 per cent of the respondents believed this flightless bird [the dodo] is currently under threat from hunters. 19% of respondents also listed the population of the dinosaur Brachiosaurus as endangered, and 14% as not endangered. Hundreds of people also wrongly deemed the grey squirrel, crane fly, swan, flamingo and Friesian cow (a typical breed of cattle) as endangered species.” (http://www.wwf.org.uk/about_wwf/press_centre/index.cfm?uNewsID=7557)

Bless the British public and all other ideological dinosaurs still roaming the Earth.

Help us to save Friesian cattle,
From hunters who wickedly battle,
Daisy and her ilk,
To curdle their milk,
And leave their bones to deathly rattle.

Beware, if you walk in the park,
Of dinosaurs chewing the bark.
It wouldn’t take munch,
For you to go crunch,
And find yourself more in the dark.

Shed tears for the endangered crane fly:
The blundering, long-legged pain fly.
It circles your lamp,
Until there’s a thump,
And left on your book is a stain fly.

Beware if you visit the beach,
For dodos have made it their niche.
Your crisps they will snatch,
Your eyes they will scratch,
And on leaving they’ll shit on your peach.

“Indonesian Maritime Affairs and Fisheries Ministry … blew up 41 illegal foreign fishing vessels. … In an act of ironic repurposing, the boats were downed with relatively weak explosives in order to maintain their shapes as underwater fish-aggregating devices.” (http://news.mongabay.com/2015/0521-kaye-41-vessels-sunk.html)

An ironic reporpoise commented that, in addition to their salvation, the fish were delighted to receive the bonus pollution.

We’ll happily take a step just as soon as you do.
Well, we’ll happily make a move if you’re all agreed that we should.
You absolutely should so long as it’s unilateral across all companies.
Of course, of course; so you’ll take that step?
We’ll happily take a step just as soon as you do.Ad apocalypsium.

So, how much is a handful of goose?
The eco-detective follows the clues…
Snow fell from the sky like a blanket of fleece.
But how much is a handful of geese?
A poison on crops saves farmers on cats;
A dead goose in the hand’s worth a bushel of rats.