Some mornings I wake up from this dream about a friend I haven't seen in 20-odd years, and my chest feels hollowed out with longing for him, for that connection. It feels deliciously right and disappointingly sad at the same time. It's a mystery.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Ok, so I need to vent. Right now I have a yeast infection and my period. A constant headache that I always get when I have my period. A mood swing like I've not had in months, even when Dad died. Right now I'm crying because I really miss him and because of my damn frackin' hormones. I'm rattled and frazzled and this is the first time since I got off the narcotics in June that I've wanted to be a zombie again on them.

My life is soooo much better off the narcotics, and I'm having less frequent and less painful headaches, blah blah blah, but right now I'm so crabby and feel so crappy that I woudln't mind being a zombie again on those damn pills.

I hate that feeling.

And today's my anniversary and I forgot. And he didn't. A card was waiting by my bedside when I got up. How could I forget that? What a heel I am.

Am I abnormal to be looking forward to menopause? These hormones are nothing but trouble, I swear. And I don't want any more babies anyway, because I now have the perfect child. And I was a bad mother today because when she got to school she was cold, so I obviously didn't dress her warmly enough.

As far as art goes, right now it's ppllllbbbbtttt!! No go, Houston, we are no go. I got nothin'. Since Dad died, I just haven't felt like it. I owe a mini zine for a swap on Swap-bot and I'm a month late now, at least.

I have felt like doing crafting, sewing, tho. I'm almost done with a quilt I'm making for a friend who's had a bitch of a time with a custody battle in an ugly divorce. She just got her house and her kid back, and the psycho bastard that was her husband took all the blankets, among other things (all the silverware?! Who does that?). So this is a sort of housewarming and heartwarming gift. And it's been very rewarding and healing for me to work on.

I started working on a new afghan after Dad died, and I'll probably go back to that soon, although now it's time to start making Christmas presents. Which does make me happy to think about. It's just this week, I have to get through it and I'll be much better.

Here's my crochet squares that I did while at my Mom's after Dad died. Aren't they happy? If you have a favorite crochet squares book, tell me, because I can't get enough of them.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I have a bodymind wellness group that I go to tonight, Thank God.

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10 comments:

Maybe an alternative to being on zombie meds would be to go get some Halloween makeup and just go ahead and be a zombie. I think the Halloween stuff is in the stores already (being as it's the next consumer holiday after back-to-school).

Want to come over for tea? I'm not home right now, but, I mean, sometime soon?

Wow. I used to have horrible mood swings and physical unease with my periods too. Frankly I think menopause is the best thing since sliced bread! That being said, I thought doctors were being more realistic about it these days - feeling so badly is not something you have to live with, or so I am told. Search out and make an appointment with a progressive gyno, please! They do exist!I hope you are having a great day, as I've been behind on reading my blogs-

Hi,Maybe this site is interesting for your blog? www.artapa.comArtapa is a free online art price database that anyone can contribute to. Their goal is to create one easy space online where art lovers and galleries can keep track of artworks, artists and prices. A sort "little black book", that isn't black or a book. Or little, to think of it. They are now several months online, and they're growing all the time.