If the scribblings of the Las Vegas Witch have taught us anything, it's that not all grown-ups …
Read more Read more

What we watched: If there has to be college football on television on a Tuesday, it might as well be something from the Mid-American Conference. Defensive-minded killjoys are sure to disagree, but here's a fun stat from last night: Without any boost from any overtimes, Northern Illinois beat Toledo in a game in which both teams scored more points than two MAC basketball teams averaged last year for the duration of the season. And one of those two basketball teams happens to be Toledo. Seriously. What's not to like about that?

Advertisement

Elsewhere

The Bills' Scott Chandler did an Ask Me Anything on Reddit: In case you were wondering where he eats wings in Buffalo and what Ryan Fitzpatrick is like in the huddle. (Spoiler: "Cool and calm.") [Reddit]

Cricket is fixed: "After a trial that many saw as a turning point for the game of cricket, a jury found two former members of Pakistan's national team guilty Tuesday of conspiracy to cheat in a contest with England last summer at Lord's, the London ground that is regarded as the spiritual home of the game. The verdict, after a monthlong trial and 17 hours of deliberations, underscored the power of betting syndicates in the Indian subcontinent that have flourished in cricket's new era of wealth and popularity around the world. Many in the cricket world have warned that the syndicates and their grip on key players could destroy a game that has grown in recent decades from a gentlemanly, tradition-bound diversion played in impeccable white uniforms to a bare-knuckle, big-money sport centered in India and Pakistan. Matches there take place before crowds exceeding 100,000 and tens of millions on television." [New York Times]

Crosby still crawling along: "It's been 17 days since Crosby has been cleared for contact, but the memo apparently hasn't circulated down to ice level. Time and again yesterday, the Penguins had a chance to hit Crosby but passed. Even when Deryk Engelland shoved Crosby with enough force to knock him on his backside—maybe the hardest contact yet—the rugged defenseman said it was ‘not something I meant to do.' Crosby bounced right back up, and both players laughed. 'I think he embellished it a bit,' Engelland teased later. 'He didn't get me that hard. I was off-balance,' Crosby said. ‘Hopefully, I'll get a few more like that as time goes on.' Hopefully, that's soon. The Penguins aren't doing Crosby any favors by avoiding him." [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]

Your Screaming Drunk Interrupting A Newscaster Interlude:

A gesture: "Tributes have been paid to Doncaster striker Billy Sharp after he played and scored against Middlesbrough three days after the death of his newborn son. Sharp led a minute's applause before Tuesday's 3-1 defeat by Middlesbrough, in which he scored the opening goal. Afterwards, Sharp wrote on Twitter: ‘My goal tonight was the most important of my career dedicated to my brave boy Luey Jacob Sharp. I love you son. I was crying [during] the minute's applause. Thanks to both sets of fans.'" [BBC]

BILLIONS and BILLIONS: "Roman Abramovich, owner of Chelsea FC and 'connected' Russian billionaire, is being sued by a former business partner for $6.8 billion, including interest. (Yes, that's billion with a B.) Boris Berezovsky alleges Abramovich intimidated him into selling his stakes in state-owned companies for less than they were worth and claims the Chelsea owner told him the Russian government would seize his shares unless he sold them." [Rumors and Rants]

Readings, etc.: "At this free monthly event, hosted by Gelf, Stefan Fatsis, John Krewson, and Jeff Pearlman will read from and talk about their work. Fatsis's classic account of the competitive Scrabble world is now a 10th-anniversary edition. Krewson is sports editor of The Onion and co-editor of the satirical newspaper's new collection of its almost-ripped-from-the-sports-pages coverage. And Pearlman is the author of a new, complex, controversial biography of Walter Payton. Please spread the word to sports fans and book lovers. Le Poisson Rouge, 158 Bleecker St. (between Sullivan St. and Thompson St.), New York, NY 10012. Blocks from A/C/E/B/D/F/M/N/R/1/6 trains. Doors open at 7. Event starts at 7:30." [Gelf Magazine]

Merch: Managing editor Tom Scocca and contributing editor Drew Magary have both written books. You can buy Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Futurehere, and Magary's The Postmortalhere. Now do it.