A Sticky Situation: $13.99 Almond Butter.

This jar of almond butter costs $13.99. It seems so hip, it should be featured on http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/ I think I will smear it on artisan bread, crafted by monks in the Himalayas, and combine it with rare African cultivated jelly. Time to make a $55 peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I am afraid to try this almond butter, because I know I will probably like it too much. It will be like tasting the Mount Olympus of almond butter. All other spreads will become irreverent and my life up until that point will become a fallacy. A terribly sticky situation.