Wedding Horror Stories: How to Deal With Every Kind of Nightmare Guest

Wedding Horror Stories: How to Deal With Every Kind of Nightmare Guest

Nightmare wedding guests are practically a guarantee—just ask the brides we talked to! But no need to have your guest list add to your wedding stress. These tips from seen-it-all event planners will help you be prepared for drunken uncles, rude neighbors and others.

Wedding Horror Story: The Sticky-Fingered Wedding Guest

“I invited a woman I’d known since kindergarten. We fell out of touch in high school when she became sort of rebellious, but she was technically one of my oldest friends, so it made sense to have her at the wedding. Plus, I’d heard she’d gotten married, had kids and had mellowed out. And she was absolutely lovely—except that she stole the water and wine glasses from three of the tables at the reception to take home with her.”—Christina Michaelson, Santa Fe, N.M.

How to Deal
“Pay the bill and call it a day,” says Lisa Milko, owner of My Event Perfect. “Better to let that kind of ‘friendship’ just fade.”

Wedding Horror Story: The Distracting Wedding Guest

“I’m a wedding gown designer, and sometimes my clients are kind enough to invite me to their wedding. Several years ago, I had the pleasure of going to a wedding and bringing my husband for the first time. Unfortunately, our favorite baseball team, the L.A. Dodgers, was in the playoffs. My husband snuck in a portable radio that fit nicely behind his ear and in his shirt pocket. He was the most popular guy at the reception—several men, including the bartender, kept asking him what the score was. I was mortified.”—Jennyvi Dizon, Scottsdale, Ariz.

How to Deal
“If there’s a guest who’s really distracting from the action, encourage him to sneak off to the bar or lounge,” says Meghan Ely, of OFDConsulting. “Usually, when you give people options, they realize they’re being a noticeable distraction and decide to be part of things again.”

Wedding Horror Story: The Indecisive Wedding Guest

“Our nightmare guests included a mom, dad and four adult children who originally RSVP’d no. Then, a few days before the wedding, they asked if they could still come. We’d already put in our count to the caterers, but I asked to add six more. We reorganized our entire seating arrangement. And then…they didn’t show up. They never apologized or explained, and they didn’t send a card or a gift. We heard later that a few of the family members had gotten into an argument, so everyone decided not to come. We haven’t spoken to them since, though they’ve invited us to a few things over the years. At least I’ve had the courtesy to RSVP no and mean it!”—Rebecca Kesler, Belleville, Mich.

How to Deal
“When a guest who couldn’t attend can now show up for your big day, it’s a good thing—there was a reason you invited her in the first place. But if that guest is rude enough to not show up, you’ve already gone above and beyond once, so you’re well within your rights to politely mention your disappointment. Once you’ve done that, though, put the incident behind you and enjoy your new married life,” says Tracy Leaman, of Events to a T.

Wedding Horror Story: The Entitled Guest

“I’m the kind of person who’d rather compromise myself than make someone else feel bad. I won’t even recline my seat in an airplane because I don’t want to make the person behind me uncomfortable. But this was my wedding, and I did not want my very mopey, super-judgmental, always-lecturing cousin at our rehearsal dinner. So I didn’t invite her—but of course she found out. And of course she sent me the nastiest note about how the rehearsal dinner was one of the most precious events in a person’s life and I was selfish for not including her.”—Elizabeth Thomson, Albuquerque, N.M.

How to Deal
“There’s nothing you can say that will change someone’s personality or the situation. Simply throw away her note and purge her negative notions from your psyche,” says Jodi R. R. Smith, of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. “When you see the offending person at family gatherings, greet her and be kind. If she specifically accosts you about her disappointment, kindly reply, ‘Oh, I so wish we could have invited everyone! I am just so glad you were able to be a part of the wedding.’ Then change the subject.”

Wedding Horror Story: The Over-Served Guest

“My friend brought an ex-girlfriend as his date to a wedding. She drank, drank and drank to the point of no return. Soon she was interrupting the best man’s speech with ridiculous accusations. She slapped the groom’s sister in the face and argued with the groom’s mother.”—Kim Hong, San Francisco

How to Deal
“Have someone else, like your planner, approach the guest,” says Ely. “If the craziness is being fueled by alcohol, take the necessary steps to ensure the supply is cut off, then let the guest know why. Usually, it ends there. Explain to the guest that she’s affecting the quality of the event and that she need to do X, Y and Z in order to enjoy the privilege of staying. Discretion is the name of the game, otherwise you might end up with more out-of-control guests trying to get involved. I’d highly discourage passive-aggressive tactics—they simply do not work. Up-front and assertive will.”

Wedding Horror Story: The Rude Guest

“I had a horrendous experience at my daughter’s wedding. We’d invited some neighbors simply because they’d known my daughter since she was born. In the buffet line, one neighbor turned to my best friend and said, ‘You’re fat! You should go on the South Beach diet. I did and I’ve lost 40 pounds.’ She had no clue she’d said anything offensive and thanked us for a lovely evening.”—Denee King, Atlanta

How to Deal
“Oddly, the most nightmarish of guests are usually the fringe invites. They aren’t the people who really care about the couple. They’re distant relatives or business associates, people who are ‘obligation’ guests. So pare down the guest list. Keep your guilt away by removing all obligations. The day is stressful enough; no need to add to it,” says special event planner Richard O’Malley.

Wedding Horror Story: The Bringer-of-Many Guest

“My guest list was already beyond capacity when my cousin showed up with not only her four kids (when I’d only invited her) but also their next-door neighbor, whom she was babysitting that day. Some of my invited guests actually left since there was nowhere to sit!”—Annette Hoegner, Long Beach, Calif.

How to Deal
“When someone brings more people than invited, say they weren’t included in the meal pricing so they can’t stay to eat, but they should feel free to come back for the dancing, says Kia Martinson-Wenzel, of ESTOccasions. A lot of times, having a neutral party like your coordinator speak to the person is good, instead of a family member. It tends to keep the peace.”