Saturday, January 31, 2015

What Real Freedom From Homosexuality Looks Like

by Matt Moore

I’m sitting here at Starbucks with the word document open… and blank.
Wishing I had something to write about. I mean, I do. I have a lot of
things going on in my life right now. It’s just that none of those
things have anything to do with homosexuality. Nothing going on in my
life right now has absolutely anything to do with things gay-in-nature.

…..It hit me, right as I was typing out that paragraph above: “I really am free of this thing.”

I’m free from homosexuality. Not free in the sense that I don’t
experience attraction to men — I still feel that. Those butterflies.
That inward pull. Dozens of times a day, I do. It’s a part of my life — a
part of the sinful flesh that I temporarily indwell.

I’m free in the sense that it doesn’t dominate me. And I don’t just
mean in an “I don’t act out anymore” kind of way. My freedom isn’t
constituted by the mere fact that I’m not actively engaging in
homosexual activity. You can modify your behavior and still be very much
in bondage.

Before Christ saved me, I was obsessed with “the gay.” I was obsessed
with denying and hiding my homosexual feelings for years. And then
tiring of that misery, I became obsessed with satisfying the desires.
Engulfing myself in them. Identifying myself by them.

And then a few years ago, Jesus got me. And when I say He got me, He got me.
But I was still obsessed homosexuality. I was obsessed with my
“testimony” — I was obsessed with being “that ex-gay Christian guy.” I
was obsessed with writing blogs, writing books, speaking at conferences…
all the while telling myself I was doing it for God.

I mean, sure. I was doing it for God, partly. But mostly, it was for
me. It was to give my life purpose. I was on a crusade to legitimize my
existence, my singleness, my different-ness, my place in this world. And
used “ministry” as the venue to do just that.

But something over the past two years has changed, in me. A big
something. I don’t find myself thinking on “the gay” anymore. My
infrequent bloggings on this website are about the extent of my focus on
the subject.

I find the life of my mind now is pretty much centered on God. Not
merely the things of God, but the Person of God. Not perfectly centered,
no doubt. But He is what I think about most. Knowing Him, loving Him,
enjoying Him, serving Him, following Him, proclaiming Him to the people
around me. Spending my life away for the sake of the gospel, where He’s
placed me…in real life with real people who really need redemption.
These are the thoughts, by God’s grace, that fill my mind.

People ask me all the time how they can be free from homosexuality.
My short answer is this: The same sex desires may never go away. But
stop obsessing over them. Stop trying to make them disappear. Stop
trying to explain them away. Stop thinking about them all day long. Stop
wrapping your identity up in them (whether you’re a Christian or not). Stop worshipping them. Worship Jesus.