Some wonder how to mark birthdays, anniversaries intertwined with Sept. 11

But that date is now so saturated in sadness, "it doesn't seem like a good day for celebration any more," said the 33-year-old musician from Owego, N.Y. Starting this year, he's switching to Sept. 10.

Joe Reamsnyder, however, isn't budging. The 17-year-old from Westerville, Ohio, said he will observe his birthday Sept. 11 as usual because "if I let them take that away, that would mean the terrorists had won one more thing."

More than a million Americans have birthdays or anniversaries on Sept. 11, according to Census Bureau and National Center for Health Statistics estimates.

Now, some of them are wondering whether there is an appropriate way to celebrate on a date that evokes thoughts of mass destruction and death. Others are considering ways to avoid the date. Wedding chapels in Las Vegas, for example, report Sept. 11 bookings are sluggish.

"People are going to feel guilty celebrating," said Robert Butterworth, a trauma psychologist in Los Angeles. "The response that we've been conditioned to is sadness and anger."

Some people say they were simply too close to the catastrophe to think about celebrating.

"I will never have another birthday," said Marie Hoerner of Port Richey, Fla., whose son, Ronald Hoerner, was killed in the World Trade Center. "My heart just broke."

She and her husband had traveled to New York to be with their newlywed son Sept. 11, her 84th birthday.

"In the morning he said to me, 'Mom, later on when I come home, the four of us will go out for your birthday dinner.' He kissed me on the cheek and said, 'I'll call you.' Of course he didn't call."

Mary Alice Orem will be in Dollywood, the Tennessee theme park, for her first birthday.

Her mother, Alice Orem of Knoxville, Tenn., says, "I know Sept. 11 was a tragedy - all that death and destruction - but we had a total miracle that same day. ... I was never supposed to have children, and I really believe that she replaced the life of somebody who was lost that day."

Leah Vidal, a New York City actress who turned 31 the day the twin towers collapsed, doesn't think the national memory will ever fade.

"I was of two minds about the fact that it was happening on my birthday," Vidal said. "One was that it was a very silly thing to be thinking about. The other was that I took it very personally: 'This is my birthday. I can't believe they did this to me on my birthday.'

"I can't imagine it's ever going to be just cake and ice cream. I can't imagine it'll ever again just be a big party without somebody mentioning what happened."

Craig Poulin of Berlin, Conn., who will be married three years as of Sept. 11, is resolved that the tragedy "won't overshadow what's important to me."

"It does hit home, but me being married to my wife will always take precedence over that day," Poulin said.

Roxane Cohen Silver, a University of California-Irvine professor who studies traumatic experiences, said such sentiments are natural.

"Of course, the positive emotions might be a bit subdued, but I wouldn't expect them to be absent," Silver said.

For women with due dates in September, emotions are bound to be mixed.

"I'd like this child to have her own birthday on a day that's not associated with tragic events," said Leanne Mos, a free-lance writer in New York. On the other hand, "I certainly spend more time hoping that she'll have 10 fingers and 10 toes."