The Pure Uncut.

December 10, 2012December 10, 2012

Cuffin Season Is Upon Us – The Holiday Season Edition

For those that aren’t aware of what Cuffin Season is, it’s the time of year when the weather turns from warm to cold, and women and men alike search for someone to spend those cold winter nights with. This is a follow-up to my award-winning (at least in my mind) Cuffin Season Is Upon Us post that was designed to help you and yours get through Cuffin Season without incident and with ease. Cuffin Season can either be the start of something beautiful and long-lasting or a 3 month hibernation. Here are the Cuffin Season Commandments, Holiday Edition, and if you follow these simple rules you’ll be jingling someone’s bells and unwrapping someone or maybe a gift or two while roasting chestnuts on an open fire.

1. Be Honest from 21 Jump Street.

Do you know how many Thanksgiving dinners have been ruined, how many times a man has been shanked with a christmas tree ornament or a woman’s throat choked because someone wasn’t honest in their intentions in the beginning? I know it’s not black love unless the local PD knows your name, but to prevent all of that from happening, just tell the truth from jump.

2. Don’t get too comfortable too soon.

Cuffin Season has been known to give some people a false sense of security and confidence. Just because you were invited for a little naked Wii bowling and a slumber party, does not mean your name will be put on the lease or mortgage. Unless you have Rihanna’s Thundercat and you can cause the light-skinned beef heard around the world, or are given the option to move in, for some, Cuffin season maybe shorter than Jermaine Dupri with braids.

3. Don’t expect a gift.

If you are lucky enough to receive a gift, remember it’s just that, a gift. A gift may give some a false sense of hope. Remember, the best way to attract a hoodrat is to play Gucci Mane, so don’t read too much into it, it’s just a ploy to keep eating your pecan pie a little while longer.

4. Just because he/she brings you a plate from Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, does not mean he/she was busy with his/her family all day.

You might think he/she is sweet for helping their mother wrap gifts and cook all day; but in actuality you are the 4th musketeer no one knows, and they won’t be writing any plays about you.

5. For the ladies, some men may claim to need space starting in Mid-November and ending in late February.

If everything seems to be going too good and then out of nowhere he starts acting up, talking about he’s going to have a lot on his plate for a couple of months, run for the hills and delete his number. Either he is too cheap to buy you something or you’re the other woman’s other woman.

6. Whether you are just dating or horizontal mambo partners and you want a gift, just say so.

If he/she asks you if you want to exchange gifts and you really want a gift, then just say that you do, none of that “oh it’s cool, you don’t have to get me anything, just being with you is enough,” and then you give them the side eye because they didn’t get you anything for Christmas.

7. If you are lucky enough to be invited to the company or friend’s christmas party please don’t embarrass the other person.

This means, as much as you enjoy spiced egg nog, Booty Wurk and showing off how flexible you are; pay attention to your surroundings. Unless your date works for The Foot Locker or is friends with Trinidad James, dial back the ratchetness 10 notches.

8. Don’t expect to meet family members – especially mothers – until further notice.

Since one of you supposedly knows how long Cuffin Season is going to last, don’t expect to be invited to family functions or introduced to family members – especially mothers. Here is a sure-fire way to tell whether you are the starting point guard or sixth man: if he/she brings you an aluminum foiled plate for either Thanksgiving, Christmas or both and says something like “you know my mother doesn’t like you” chances are you’re just a bench player.

9. Have fun.

Whether the cuffin season lasts as long as the holiday season or longer, have fun, but do it responsibily.