"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."Prov 31:30

2.27.2010

This is going to be an incredible journey... not even for anyone but myself... there are things in my life that overjoy me to the point of tears and there are things, sins of my own that scar me. I started a year ago wanting to begin all over with Christ and through this past year I have found that just becoming a Christian doesn't make your life simple. In fact it adds curves and detours to the route. I've never been awesome at journaling in fact I normally only turn to it when I'm hurt but I type better than I write so I hope that motivates myself. And one other thing that I think will help is I am ready to be vulnerable, to those that read this, to myself; something I have never felt. I am ready to lay it all out on the line, the good and the bad. I have so many things I have decided I want to change, accomplish, even just attempt. And I am so ready for what Christ brings. The best saying ever - When you expect great things from God he will blow your mind. And that is not to say that as God delivers Satan won't be knocking at the door with plenty of ammunition. Also with this blog I want to blow the thought that every Christian feels extremely blessed all the time out of the water. There are those that do and I am amazed by them but there are plenty of us like me who are unsure of ourselves, of our faith in God's timing and in life. And who have struggles with temptation even if they are small. As I write I know that my struggles and my worries are so small and selfish to those that hunger or have no place to sleep. I am not cured of my own selfishness but I am trying to redo that part of my life. Because those thoughts, worries, and fears consume too much of my time. This is my beginning. I am starting this blog being a woman saved by unmatching Grace from my Savior, a single mother to an amazing 1 1/2 year old, a college student, a woman in love with a man with whom the future is unseen, an unhealthy person, and one who has a lot of debt. Now I say those two last things with horrible regret for my actions in the past and also with hope for the future of what I can change. I can't wait to get to the end not to say that I'm not terrified of dying because I am out of my own selfishness, just for wanting to not miss out on the wordly things even as I know what awaits. But I am so excited to see my Savior. And I am so ready to tackle what time He gives me here. I'm learning slowly how to live. I have so much faith in what the Lord can do even in my own low valleys. I have firmly found that He is there even when I cannot see or feel him. I will not be a doubting Thomas.