The above picture is of “West Park Asylum” (taken by Pete Osborne who I do not know and (shhh,…) who doesn’t know that I have ‘borrowed’ it from the internet. But I just felt drawn to it. I have always been an admirer of old abandoned buildings and actually collect photographs of them. I find them so hauntingly beautiful.

But this one in particular just seemed to be such a reflection of what I feel and how I perceive my life living with mental illness. I feel like inside of my head is dark and broken and sad,… but looking out, the world is bright and “normal”. I long to live in that world but just can’t seem to find the doorway out. So instead I am stuck inside. It’s a sad and lonely existence.

I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and agoraphobia and ocd. If you have ever wondered just what that might be like, just look at this picture. And know that you can never get out.

I’m not trying to be morose or dramatic here. Just honest. I just felt like it was an accurate perception of how I feel fighting sadness, depression and fear on a daily basis. I feel trapped inside my own head most of the time and sometimes it’s not always pleasant in there. But, as I mentioned in my last post,… I do fight it every single day. Support from family and friends is a lifeline and has really helped me want to keep fighting the fight. But if I don’t answer phone calls or texts or emails, etc,… or say I want to do something but at the last-minute I find I just can’t go,… hopefully you will have a better understanding of why I do that. I want to,…. it’s just that inside my head I can’t,….