Yesterday within the framework of the so-called Global Geologic Adjustment, the World Executive Council made an unprecedented decision:

Starting from next August 15th the sun won’t rise at the same time for everybody. It will illuminate alternatively one hemisphere and then the other. This way there will be light in Europe while darkness reigns in Australia, and when the sun rises in China it will set in Argentina. Times zones of solar light will be adjusted to strict compasses called “day” and “night” and to administratively regulated criteria that will be called “spring”, “summer”, “fall” and “winter.”

During the same meeting, the international body adopted other important measures:

· The moon will turn around the earth.

· Sea level will be subjected to daily fluctuations called “tides.”

· Space will have three dimensions.

· Trees will lose their leaves in the fall.

· Children and elders will lose their teeth.

· Butterflies will flutter around, small lizards will crawl, fish will have scales.

These measures have already sparked protests in different parts of the planet. The streets of Paris and New York have been shaken by the cry of “No to the night!” Angry crowds in Buenos Aires and Madrid have called for “perennial leaves” and “babies with teeth”. Thousands of demonstrators have demanded “butterflies without wings” in front of the government’s palace in Sidney.

The only regulation that has been accepted without resistance is the one concerning workers’ rights.

This is “the natural order of things,” a union spokesman has declared. “But we will rebel against the full moon.”