How to Control Your Anger in a Simple, Loving Way

For starters, I too get angry, even though I am writing this ‘how to control anger’ article. 🙂 But whatever I am writing helps me to get less angry most of the time and to not get angry at all and be happy the rest of the time.

Here’s what I do when I get angry.

How to Control Anger? Talk to the Inner Child

Once I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone when she said to me, “Please talk fast because I am very sleepy.”

I wished her good night but I got very angry after hanging up. I thought, – she does not even want to listen to what I am saying – so much so that she is asking me to talk fast so that she can get over with it fast.

Then, I switched off the lights in the room and lay down on the bed.

I caressed my own hair. And started talking to my inner child.

Me 1 – What happened my love, how are you? (I felt how I was for a while)

Me IC (Inner child) – I am very, very angry. I always want to listen to her. And here she says I should talk fast! She doesn’t care about me at all. All she is concerned with is her sleep.

Me 1 – Aw. Is that so? What makes you angry?

Me IC –The fact that she cared only about her sleep. She knew I wanted to tell her so much – yet she said she wanted to sleep.

Me 1 – But love, she called you only because you told her on chat that you were missing her. She did not have to call. She did so because she cared for you…

Me IC – Yeah, she did call me. That is true.

Me 1 – Why do you think she said he was sleepy? Do you really think she would ever say it if she weren’t sleepy? And if she actually said it, maybe she was very, very sleepy. Maybe she was already terribly sleepy when you were chatting online but she did not mention it. She leaves home at 7 in the morning and comes back at 8 in the night. She is very, very tired. Many times she is drained at work. And she chatted with me till late in the night and then even called me because I was missing her. How sleepy she must have been to really say – I can’t talk more!

Me IC – Yeah, she must have been very, very sleepy. Why else would she have said – I can’t talk more….

Me 1 – And deary, she is also such a wonderful listener….Not once in the past one year has she ever wanted to not listen to you…She always loves listening and does not even want to interrupt. How pathetic she must have been feeling to actually cut you in the middle and say – talk fast because I am very sleepy! And she was also so genuine in saying so. She did not hide it, he expressed it. Isn’t that beautiful?

I read somewhere that there is an inner child inside all of us, who wants attention, appreciation and lots and lots of love and care. I don’t know if there is such a child, but I definitely became less angry when I talked with this guy and gave him love.

How to Control Anger? Ask – How Are you My Love?

Whenever you are really, really angry – ask your inner child – how are you my love? Then feel how you are, and let the inner child tell you how he is. Ask him lovingly why he is angry. “What do you want dearest?” Understand what he wants. You see there must be something that pissed him off big time, otherwise why would he throw all these tantrums? “What pissed you off dearie?”, ask him. Listen to what he wants – listen to his story of hurt, caress him. Hug him. Kiss him. Let him tell you how terribly angry he is. But, be there as the loving mother who talks to him and helps him understand the situation better.

You see, somewhere this inner child guy felt betrayed. He felt like no one cared about him. Tell him you care about him. You do anyway right, he’s a part of you! Once he realizes that he is loved and secure, the inner child will smile too. And then you will smile too. So talk to your inner child and smile.

Earlier I used to deny my anger. I used to scold myself somewhere and say – “Don’t get angry! There’s no point getting angry here!” But maybe I was scolding the inner child. What happens when you hit a child and scold him? He cries louder and shouts even more. No wonder that I got angrier. 🙂

But when I talked to him lovingly, he told me why he was angry and whoosh, his anger vanished!

Will you try it when you are angry the next time? Please do. Because, it worked so well for me.