"In response to harsh and repeated criticisms from our mothers and several failed relationships with women, we present the splash dynamics of a simulated human male urine stream," reads their conference abstract.

Techniques to reduce splashes

Getting as close as possible - a smooth unbroken stream is better than droplets

Angling the stream - aiming sideways or downwards instead of straight at the toilet water/wall

Placing toilet tissue in the bowl to soften impact

Hydrophobic coatings for toilets

Being a "sitzpinkler" - sitting down instead of standing

But there is a more serious side to the research.

The work is led by Prof Tadd Truscott and Randy Hurd of the "Splash Lab" at Brigham Young in Provo, Utah, who jokingly refer to themselves as "wizz kids".

"People ask me, are you serious? I tell them yes, this may involve 12-year-old humour, but it's also a real problem," Prof Truscott told BBC News.

"We've all been in disgusting toilets with puddles on the floor - these places are a breeding ground for bacteria."

For example, the detergents used to clean hospital toilets could actually increase the spray of disease-causing bacteria, by reducing the surface tension of water, according to a recent study.

One might think the physics of aiming urination had already been summarised by the formula: "get it all in the bowl". But micturation is still a messier business than it needs to be, according to the research.

Taking measurements live "in the field" did not appeal to the scientists, so the duo built a urination simulator. The "Water Angle Navigation Guide" is a five-gallon bucket with hoses connected to two types of synthetic urethra.

Chaotic spray

The team fired coloured water at various target "toilets" at the velocity and pressure of average human urination.

Then, using a high-speed camera, they captured the moment of impact in remarkable visual detail.