Most days I don’t know I have Asperger’s.

And the moments I do, spending time thinking about it is less than desirable.

It’s a subject that has become tiring and seems exhausted. It was new and interesting at first. Life is life. … I just want to be. I dive in and out of this blog taking long breaks at a time–it’s too long to spend deep in this world. I come up for air in the life I’ve known for twenty-seven years–one of being normal, one where these shortcomings weren’t known to me, one where these gifts and talents were mine rather than a piece of a diagnosis, and one where I was ignorant to how different the inside of my head is to the rest of the world.

But there is invaluable comfort in knowing. There is refuge and there is ease. Continue reading →

I’ve stayed away for a while. Diving in too deep made life too heavy. I’ve lived forever without a label and simply in “just existing.” It was nice to just exist again without the labels and without the over-thinking.

I used to think I was just good at things. Art, writing, singing, anything creative… it all seems to come naturally. Things just work. Like the wheels perfectly arranged in a clock, some things just seem to fit the way they should. It’s like I already have this ability built in. I don’t have to learn it like other people, I already know it.

When I write, it’s almost like music that I hear. I hear the words in my head as if someone else is speaking them. I don’t have to try, they’re already there. And I hear the rhythm, I hear the flow. I hear when I need a two syllable adverb. I hear when a phrase is lacking in depth. I hear when I need short sentences and when I need long sentences. It all fits together like a song. Something inside of me does it and I am merely the puppet acting on this unknowable force. Continue reading →