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ISTIKRAR ... Now in Egypt!

This portion of EKT is brought to you by Pfizer: Pfizer introducing the new Istikrar -- for when life feels a little less than stable, enjoy more istikrar with Istikrar. Now in Egypt!

Cairo speed bumps on trial for "impeding traffic"

Cairo speed bumps are set to appear in court for “impeding traffic” and “obstructing normal life”. These actions by the speed bumps have been deemed by some judges to violate Egypt’s current protest law, which states that protestors may be fined or jailed if they “impede traffic” or “obstruct normal life.”

It is unclear why Cairo speed bumps have appeared in such vast numbers in recent years, but what is certain is that the onset of their prevalence correlated positively with an increase in Egyptian protests and strikes starting 2008.

“We believe the April 6th Movement may have entered an agreement with the speed bumps early on, encouraging the bumps to appear everywhere in order to frustrate people with the government,” says an Interior Ministry insider. If true, this suggests Egypt’s uprising may be the first in revolutionary history to be triggered by small protrusions in city roads.

Aagel!

El Koshary Today is brought to you with generous support from Aagel. Aagel: when you have to go, you just have to go!

After nearly a year of severe mismanagement, President Morsi told CNN's Christiane Amanpour in an interview last week that "Egypt will combile its faeces togezar" -- using an amusing twist on the expression relating to getting organized and thinking straight.
However, since then, staff at the presidential palace have reported that an awful stench has been emanating from the president's private study.
"Every morning this past week I have seen the...

A local Sunni man reportedly converted to Shia Islam only hours after Iran announced an easing of visa restrictions for Egyptian tourists this week. The conversion took the otherwise good Sunni Muslim by complete surprise.
"I don't understand how it happened," the man told Ahram Online moments before being mobbed by his neighbours, "I just woke up and suddenly found myself self-flagellating while...

In the early hours of Sunday the 27th of January, after a bloody weekend in Egypt that saw President Morsi formally address the nation by tweeting at 2am, the three key figureheads of Egypt's National Salvation Front (NSF) got into a pillow fight over a disagreement about who would speak first at an upcoming NSF press conference.
"Me," said Moussa.
"No, me," said ElBaradei.
"Shotgun me!" Sabahi...

A deadly wave of stability swept through Egypt soon after the unrigged results of its constitutional referendum were announced this morning.
Millions have reportedly been swept away to their deaths as the stabilizing wave crashed through Egypt’s streets, reducing the heart rate of countless...

EKT has just learned that onetime presidential contender and leader of the emerging Islamist Baltageya Association (IBA), Hazem Abu Ismail, previously worked as Santa Clause at a mall in California.
The image to the right shows two children sitting on his lap right after they found out that this...

Seriously though

In case you haven't noticed, El Koshary Today is not a "real" news site. Our philosophy here is to use sarcasm and imagination to raise awareness of some of the serious (and not so serious) issues plaguing our nation. It is not intended to relay any factual information or credible circumstances, though where possible readers will find news links to the actual issues being satirized herein.

Horrorscopes

Gemini (May22/June21)Your stars will communicate to you through your computer. Expect a slow boot up and several error messages. If your PC freezes, be sure to add an extra layer of clothing before going out.

Classifieds

Slaves needed

Looking for salves. They don’t have to be black (I’m not racist). Any non-retarded homo sapiens who will do my bidding without compensation will suffice. If interested, please email me your application at master@slavelord.com.

Leftover weapons

Selling weapons leftover by thugs that made sure Egypt's parliamentary election was safe and under control. Have knives, swords, large sticks with nails sticking out of them, belts, rocks, chains, as well as an assortment of dildos. Email me at ndp@alwayswins.com

Looking for someone to "ungaj" with

Hello I am male 34 years, looking for man to walk by Nile with while joining forearms. But no funny business. Email me at Imnotgay@walahi.com