Rude

Vital Info Before You Get Started: The following info should help you contextualize this very popular song so you can have a great discussion about it with your kids.

IMPORTANT NOTE TO PARENTS: We at The Source for Youth Ministry believe that certain elements in our youth culture can serve as good discussion jump starters with students. At the same time, we would never hope to introduce teens to a negative influence that they haven’t already encountered. This balance is a delicate one. In our experience most teens, churched and unchurched, keep pretty current with music and music videos like this one. Thanks to YouTube, MTV.com, and iTunes, the most popular music videos and songs are free to access only a click away. If you decide to use this, do so by catering it to fit your family’s needs.

Magic’s song “Rude” probably doesn’t need any introduction. This song has been at the top of the charts for over a month now, currently at the No. 1 spot on every chart people care about, namely Billboard, Spotify and iTunes.

“Rude” has a catchy reggae sound and is from the Canadian band Magic, that was relatively unknown until now, although the band’s frontman Nasri Atweh actually penned quite a few songs that have been at the top of the charts before, from Justin Bieber, Pitbull, and New Kids on the Block.

“Rude” is a fun song about a young man asking his girlfriend’s dad for his daughter’s hand in marriage. When he find’s out the answer is ‘no,’ he decides he’s “gonna marry her anyway.”

The music video is a pretty good representation of the song’s lyrics, definitely from the “young man’s” point of view, with a stingy future father in law who no one would like.

You won’t have any trouble provoking discussion with this song, it is already provoking discussion across the continent. The web is buzzing with it, including etiquette experts weighing in, funny parodies, and heated comments all around.

When I first heard the song in my car, I simply asked my daughters, “Is he right?” That one simple question seemed to provoke some good conversation. It’s amazing how much more powerful questions are then lectures.

Introducing the Song:
When a young man wants to get married, does he need to ask permission of his future father in law? (Take a few answers from your family.)

Well, the band Magic has chimed in their opinion on the subject with their song Rude. Here’s the lyrics/a peek at the video (you decide if you want to play the video, or play the song and post lyrics, or hand out lyrics).

“Rude”
Saturday morning jumped out of bed
And put on my best suit
Got in my car and raced like a jet
All the way to you
Knocked on your door with heart in my hand
To ask you a question
‘Cause I know that you’re an old-fashioned man, yeah

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?
Say yes, say yes ’cause I need to know
You say I’ll never get your blessing ’til the day I die
Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is ‘No’

Why you gotta be so rude?
Don’t you know I’m human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I’m gonna marry her anyway

Marry that girl
Marry her anyway
Marry that girl
Yeah, no matter what you say
Marry that girl
And we’ll be a family
Why you gotta be so
Rude

I hate to do this, you leave no choice
Can’t live without her
Love me or hate me we will be boys
Standing at that altar
Or we will run away
To another galaxy, you know
You know she’s in love with me
She will go anywhere I go

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?
Say yes, say yes ’cause I need to know
You say I’ll never get your blessing ’til the day I die
Tough luck, my friend, ’cause the answer’s still ‘No”

Why you gotta be so rude?
Don’t you know I’m human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I’m gonna marry her anyway

Marry that girl
Marry her anyway
Marry that girl
No matter what you say
Marry that girl
And we’ll be a family
Why you gotta be so
Rude
Rude

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?
Say yes, say yes ’cause I need to know
You say, I’ll never get your blessing ’til the day I die
Tough luck, my friend, but ‘No’ still means ‘No’!

Why you gotta be so rude?
Don’t you know I’m human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I’m gonna marry her anyway

Marry that girl
Marry her anyway
Marry that girl
No matter what you say
Marry that girl
And we’ll be a family
Why you gotta be so
Rude
Why you gotta be so
Rude
Why you gotta be so rude?

Transitional Statement:
What are your first thoughts after listening to this song/watching this video? (Wait for a few answers.)

Is the young man right… should he marry her anyway, even if Dad doesn’t give his blessing? Explain.

Is the Dad wrong to not give his blessing? Explain.

Optional: You say this…
Well… I guess some dads didn’t feel like they were represented very well by this song and music video, like this dad, whose own rendition of this song has already garnered over 7 million YouTube views.

This video has already provoked some comments, like this one:

This is kind of perpetuating the medieval concept that a marriage should be decided among two men (the father and the husband-to-be) and that the daughter has no say in the matter. Why can’t he trust her to marry who she wants?

I know people say that it’s a joke and shouldn’t be taken seriously, but the fact that this video can be made and that people are supporting these ideas are showing that sexism is still around, even if it’s not on a surface level.

Three Simple Questions (with Answers You May Be Looking for):

Q: The ritual of asking a dad’s permission for his daughter’s hand in marriage began because women used to get married a lot younger and they actually needed their dad’s permission. So why do so many people still do it even though permission isn’t legally needed?
A: People probably ask for permission today out of respect and possibly also tradition.

Q: If a young man doesn’t ask his girlfriend’s dad’s permission, what is he communicating?
A: Disrespect.

Q: What is the difference between asking for “permission” and asking for a “blessing”? And, do you think it’s wise to ask for a ‘blessing’ today, even though ‘permission’ isn’t required? Explain.
A: Asking for a blessing is wanting the parents’ approval and support of the marriage and the couple’s future life together. Because today permission isn’t usually necessary legally, a blessing shows respect and is actually a practice we see throughout history as a high honor passed on from parent to child (in the Bible given typically from a father to a son, for inheritance, encouragement, etc.).

Where to Take It from Here:
Wherever it feels natural. If these questions lead to a longer discussion on the topic, wonderful! (There’s a guide just after this paragraph that helps you do just that.) If your kids are barely uttering grunts, don’t get discouraged—the next time it feels right, try out another song. Keep engaging them.

For Deeper Discussion:(If your kids seem into diving in deeper and looking at what the Bible has to say on the subject, the following discussion guide can help take you there.)

Want help getting your teenager engaged in conversation?CLICK HERE for a helpful article from our “Parenting Help” page providing you with 3 Essentials to Talking with Today’s Teens.

Transitional Statement:
It’s interesting. There are quite a lot of different opinions out there. Does a young man need permission or a blessing from a future father in law? Is that a medieval concept? Is that sexism? What level of respect is called for?

More Discussion Questions:

HAVE ALL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS ANSWER: As we get started, let’s all take a second to share the most recent noteworthy song we listened to today or this week.

ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: In Magic’s song Rude, the young man still asked for permission. Why do you think he did?

Read the following passage:
1 Timothy 5: 1-3, NLT

Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father. Talk to younger men as you would to your own brothers. Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters. Take care of any widow who has no one else to care for her.

ASK A FAMILY MEMBER: According to the verses, how are we supposed to speak to an older man?

ASK A FAMILY MEMBER: Why do you think Paul (the author of this letter in the Bible) needed to remind us of this?

ASK A FAMILY MEMBER: What is the overall theme of all these verses?

ASK A FAMILY MEMBER: Whom do these verses say we need to respect? (the answer you may be looking for: everyone!)

ASK A FAMILY MEMBER: So how are we supposed to treat our future “in laws”?

HAVE ALL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS ANSWER: How do you want the “permission” or “blessing” handled if/when you get married someday?

Wrap Up:
I want you to think of one action you can take tonight, tomorrow, or sometime this week, where you can show respect to an adult in your life (not just parents, but also a teacher, a friends’ parent, a coach, a neighbor, a grandparent…). Let’s pray about that specifically right now as we close in prayer.