Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Bathroom Dickery Is Getting Out Of Hand

Exhibit A:

Ever accidentally walk into a girl's bathroom? It's arguably the worst thing that can ever happen to a man. You instantly go through the 3 stages of "Aw Shit": 1) Where am I? 2) I'm going to get arrested 3) Run.

It's like clockwork. Last time I did it, it took me awhile to figure out. I knew things weren't right when the first thing that I saw was a fucking couch. Staggering information. You guys have couches. The gender divide starts and ends there, but that's besides the point. The moment you recognize that there aren't any urinals and that it smells not awful is panic time. Abort any plans you had to use the bathroom and take off towards the door since there is a more than solid chance you can actually be arrested.

Exhibit B:

One of the great dickhead moves of our generation. This is the definition of slightly inconveniencing someone. What was once a simple poop has turned into an intricate puzzle game involving holes and cylinders. This is not how you want to spend your time on the toilet. There is too much Candy Crush/texting/tweeting/Instagraming/Facebooking/reading/napping to be done.

Only a true maniac would attack a person when they are, quite literally, in their most vulnerable position. If the movie "Saw" was real life and scaled back A LOT, I can imagine my first "challenge" heavily involving pooping under duress.

For the record, Exhibit A wins. That's 5-10 and a blip on FamilyWatchDog.org.

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