Our goal at Isaiah 53 Ministry is to find healing for both men and women and also healing for their marriage/relationship. We are by no means experts, we are simply sinners who have found God’s grace and have been working through our own healing process. I have noticed through the interaction between my wife and many women that most men simply do not have a clue. Whatsoever. They are clueless to the devastation of their sin, the terrible consequences that will occur, and just how hurt their wife is. Most men need a swift kick to the rear because they are simply clueless. So, I am willing to be that kick. Because I needed it and you need it. We are attempting to streamline as many resources as we can for sexual healing or outright battling sin. Here you will find a collection of books, articles, resources, websites and anything else that I feel would be helpful to anyone who is on the road to recovery. May Jesus came to pardon our sins, but He also came to heal the brokenhearted so we can walk in freedom. May God continue to bless us on the path to complete restoration and healing in Him.

I
realize the title of this blog can cause some men to sweat bullets;
the idea of talking to your wife about your sexual struggles may even
make you nauseous. I understand. Early on in our healing process I
watched my husband stumble through confessions with nervous
embarrassment and a pale face as he was unsure of what the outcome
would be. But I'm here to offer you some encouragement and some
tips. Know this, sharing your struggles with your wife as you
diligently seek purity will not only increase your odds of remaining
faithful, but will help your wife begin to grow in her trust for you.
As she sees you being genuinely honest with her and as she sees you
not only struggle but gain victories over those temptations, she will
begin to see you in a new light. She will see you as a strong,
courageous man who is willing to do whatever it takes to live a life
of purity. She will feel more attractive and loved because she will
see that you are trying to pursue her and that those struggles that
every man faces are ones that you want to discuss with her and
refrain from. Genuine confession and conversations like these were
vital to our healing process and even today they continue to keep my
husband and I connected and on the same page.

So
how do you share with your wife without causing her to go into a
complete meltdown? Here's a few tips my husband and I came up with
that we've shared with many couples:

Humility
is key-Most likely if you're
seeking this advice, you've probably hurt your wife in the past.
Sexual betrayal is very hurtful and difficult to overcome. But
hopefully you and your wife are taking steps to restore that trust
that was broken. And now you may be struggling with temptations to
look at pornography again or to have wandering eyes (and thoughts).
When confessing your struggles to your wife, try to remember that
she's been hurt before. Let's face it, your sin broke her heart. So
justifications and excuses only feed bitterness but a humble spirit
will go a long way in helping your wife become your helpmate in this
pursuit of purity.

Listen
with tenderness-Your
wife is vulnerable. She wants to help you through these struggles
but it's difficult to hear that you may have fallen again or that
your struggling with looking at other women. Your wife will have to
do her part on not taking your struggles as a personal attack. But
you need to understand that it's not as easy as you think. If she
cries or gets angry, try to remember she's hurting and don't
invalidate her feelings.

Details-Use
discretion but don't be too vague. Your wife needs to know the
extent of your sin and struggles but she doesn't need to be crushed
with every grisly detail. It's a genuine balance between being
genuinely honest with your wife about your sexual struggles while
not being cruel. This is one reason why my husband and I highly
recommend having male accountability partners as well. You can
confess your sins and struggles in a more detailed manner with them
while still sharing the basics with your wife. (Note: In no way am I
saying you should keep any secrets from your wife. I believe
wholeheartedly in full disclosure with my spouse. But I am saying
that sometimes the details don't always have expressed. For example,
if you recently had a one night stand with another woman, you need
to confess that to our wife! But you should refrain from describing
all the dirty details to her. Get it?)

Respond
with repentance and a plan-Don't
just confess to your wife for the sake of confessing. You need to
have a repentant heart and a plan of attack. She needs to see your
repentance in action. Whether you've fallen and have sinned sexually
or you're just really struggling with a sexual temptation, your wife
needs to see that you genuinely want a pure heart and what you plan
to do to avoid those sexual sins and temptations in the future.

Pray
without ceasing-Ask
the Lord to help you keep a love for truth and a desire to have a
clear conscience. To not shy away from it but rather have the
courage to confess your struggles and repent of sins that keep you
in bondage. Pray for your wife's too. Ask God to mend and heal her
heart as He continues to mold her into the woman He created her to
be.