I understand that this is a cold and cruel place and to ask for anything else would be fool hardy. I will begin posting articles regarding Iraq and Syria in this thread to one end, put some local flavor back in the flag. I will post links without comment, endorsement, or elaboration. If you want to post material that is unsafe for work in this topic I ask admin to remove it, or just stop posting actual news. You are more than welcome to open another topic and post the article for further discussion or question my motives / intellect / integrity, and post gold thong man or other material.

OK. I feel pressured to respond to the overwhelming response to a friend’s reposting of a Facebook post I published two weeks ago. He just happens to be a writer for Foreign Policy and my story just happened to strike a nerve with the American people. So, this is my response:

It sucks being a wounded warrior. I struggle dealing with my physical injuries, scars, limitations. I hate the constant pressure from society to act, look, and talk like a “normal” person. I am embarrassed by my inability to deal with my invisible wounds of PTSD and TBI.

I’m tired of every time I go to the grocery store, hearing a parent tell their child to stop staring at that man. Or overhearing two teenagers pointing and giggling at my scars.

I’m tired of every time I go to a VA clinic, and a nurse or receptionist asks me what happened, and I respond with, “I was wounded in Iraq,” their response without fail is, “OMG! That is awful. I am sooooo sorry. I can’t believe we send you over there like that.” Ummmm, you are a VETERANS hospital.

I’m tired of every person with rank or positions of power reaching out and saying, “Oh..I can fix that for you…let me call someone.” Or some nonprofit calling to claim to solve all my problems. In the end, you can’t and you don’t. And you’re only response is, “Sorry, we tried.” Yes, I’m sorry too. I’m sorry you made me emotionally tell me entire story again and waste hours, days, weeks, waiting for you to return and say, “I’m sorry.” The problems our veteran’s face…I face are bigger than one person to solve. They are bigger than one office, or agency, or cabinet, or politician to solve. Our nation lacks a comprehensive system that can pool all of our nation’s resources, not just those of the VA, to ensure that our veterans have a seamless path of transition and recovery throughout the entire spectrum of our lives…encompassing

I’m tired of the VA pointing a finger at and blaming the Department of Defense. I’m tired of the Department of Defense blaming the VA.

Enough is enough.

But I can and do deal with all of that. I wake up every day, motivate myself to get dressed, and get through the day the best I can with what I have to give, trying my best to not take any of the above personally.

Even the hard days…when in 2008 I decided to not deal with life, drink two bottles of Jack, blackout and wake up two days later in my bathtub. Or the time in 2015 during the 4th of July when my palate broke, and I couldn’t speak, or eat or drink and needed to put in a feeding tube, all while I was a full-time grad student. I couldn’t deal, so I decided to go for a sail to calm me down. When I got home, I walked two blocks to the dog groomers where I had dropped off Mattie, my medical assist wolf hybrid, to find the place on fire, and all the dogs but one died. Mattie didn’t make it.

Even after those trying times, I picked myself up, wiped away the tears, and continued to move forward.

When I returned to the United States in 2013 from my overseas military assignments, I relocated to Monterey, CA to attend the Naval Postgrad School as a student. My artificial palate, acting as the roof of my mouth, providing me the ability to speak, eat and drink through my mouth, began to fail. After an exhaustive search, with no assistance from the Army or DoD, it turned out that the best doctor on the west coast that could help me happened to be a doctor in the VA hospital in Palo Alto. A joint mutual decision between myself, VA and DoD concluded the VA was best suited and had more resources and capability to help me solve my medical problems than the Army. So, in 2014, I was assigned a VA doctor to head my care team. That doctor continues to be my primary care doctor, even though I am still an active duty Army officer.

Now…after 4 years, over 90 appointments, and over 8 major surgeries, to include the most recent replacement of a feeding tube in my stomach, my family and I have experienced a wide spectrum of positive and negative experiences within the VA system. Each of those appointments required a 2-4 hour one way drive. Do the math. Both my wife and I have full-time jobs and are raising a 2yr old son.

Here are just a few examples that highlight those experiences:

1. Over half of the time I visit the eye clinic, I am told to cover my right eye and read an eye chart. I am missing my left eye. If I am required to drive 2-3 hours one way for an appointment, I expect the nurse or doctor to spend 30 seconds reading my chart. 2. When asked by the nurse what happened, and I respond, “I was wounded in a firefight in Iraq,” almost every response is, “OMG…that is horrible. I am sooo sorry to hear that. I can’t believe we send you over there.” Hmmmm….I could swear the V in VA is VETERANS Affairs…3. As I sit in the waiting room, patiently waiting with my fellow comrades from WWII to Vietnam to Iraq and Afghanistan, I witness and experience receptionist staff raising their voice, yelling, demeaning, and being very rude to veterans inquiring, “How much longer do I have to wait…it’s been an hour..or two past my appointment time…and my bus leaves soon to take me home.” 4. I have multiple case managers. I have an Army case manager. I have an AW2 case manager. I have a local VA case manager. I have multiple specialty doctors both within the VA and outside the VA. Very often, they do not talk to each other nor share information. It falls on me, the veteran, to ensure my records are transferred, and that doctors and case managers are on the same sheet of music. Many times, this requires so much time for my wife and I that it disrupts both of our full-time jobs. 5. There is a blanket assumption that my wife does not work. The VA staff consistently assumes and recommends that my wife will drive me to my appointments, provide in-home care, care for our child, etc. When I mention that my spouse works full-time, and I need help getting to appointments, they just stare at me and eventually state it is on me to get to my appointments. 6. There is no comprehensive care plan provided. Injuries are addressed individually, and not in context with all my issues. VA’s definition of PolyTrauma is not the same definition as DoD or the Army. 7. I get a phone call from VA’s automated system telling me I have an appointment. I get a phone call from an employee confirming I have an appointment. I drive 3 hours one way to the VA hospital, go to check in to my appointment, and am told there is no record that I have an appointment that day. The manner and attitude in which I’m talk to makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed that it is MY fault and there is no way the VA made a mistake. This has happened several times over the years at multiple VA hospitals. 8. Every time I bring up to VA hospital staff and leadership a problem encountered (always accompanied with a recommendation to resolve and improve) we are met with defensive argumentative attitudes. One time, a VA doctor brought my wife to tears insinuation that it was somehow our fault that we had a bad experience and that we were lying about our experience. There is no effective mechanism to provide constructive feedback (both positive and negative) and then have that feedback followed up with a progress report.

I digress. I’m getting angry just writing this.

So, after 4 years of dealing with that…..and going into surgery two weeks ago to put a feeding tube in my stomach, emotionally dealing with the fact that I won’t be able to eat normally again and how to deal with the impact that has on my life…especially how restaurants and pubs are an integral part of my social well-being….and waiting 6 days after the surgery for the VA to deliver my food, to open the mail and receive the VA letter stating they could not pay for the food and directing me to go to my nearest pharmacy and order it myself….well….that was my tipping point.

I lost it. I couldn’t deal anymore. But, instead of turning to the bottle, or lashing out with angry outburst, I sat down at my computer, and dealt with it in the most constructive way I knew how…. write a funny…not so funny abridged version of the moment I reached my limit…my tipping point. The point where I just don’t give a shit anymore about being silent. Of watching from the sidelines while we just keep putting band aids on the problems….and keeping digging a hole deeper into failing to care for our veterans and their families in a way that makes us proud of a Nation of how we care for our All Volunteer military community.

This has nothing to do with this one instance…this one time where the VA and DoD decided to point the finger to the other and say, “It’s your responsibility, not ours, to take care of this wounded warrior.” Because, honestly…that’s pathetic. That makes me sick to my stomach.

You wanna know the rest of the story? The entire VA staff on my team here in Monterey went out of their way and busted their ass for a week after my surgery, doing everything they could to get the VA or DoD’s Tricare to fund the pharmaceutical order of my feeding tube liquid. They won’t say, but I’m quite sure my VA Primary Care Manager went outside protocol risking her job to get the order shipped. A VA employee (albeit 6 days later) arrived at my house with an envelope with emergency money to buy time until the problem could get fixed. The local VA clinic werenm’t given the resources or policy guidance to care for my immediate needs. Trust me, there was no shortage of effort. The VA eventually worked it out and I am now receiving shipments of feeding tube liquid to my house. I had to go 8 days without feeding tube liquid and somehow this is ok? Luckily I’ve dealt with aspiration for 13 years, so I was able to intake food orally at risk until I could receive the liquid. But what about veterans who couldn’t? What about veterans who don’t have a rolodex or network to turn to get the attention of those in the system who can fix their immediate problem? Who can they turn to?

You see, we like to blame individuals…but that isn’t the case here. There are bigger, more systemic problem(s) here, which I, the wounded veteran, and my family, are forced to suffer and will continue to suffer the pain of falling through the gaps of a broken system that nobody wants to address or fix.

It’s not just the VA’s fault.

It’s not just Tricare’s fault.

Our nation’s inability to care for our veterans in a way that can Identify a veterans problem, acquire a resource to solve the problem, deliver that resource, and receive feedback on the quality of service provided, in a professional, respectful, efficient and effective manner that our Veterans, their families and our Nation can be proud of is the cause of the breakdown we are currently experiencing. The VA and DoD are only two of many stakeholders that are responsible for the current failures.

For any of you who used my story to trash current or past presidents or politicians, shame on you.

For any of you who used my story to trash the LGBTQ veteran’s community, shame on you.

For any of you who declared Tom Ricks or my Facebook posting as fake news, shame on you.

For anyone in VA who called to defend the VA or the blame Tricare, shame on you.

This has got to stop. We need to put together the best our Nation has to offer to create a new model of how America will care for its veterans so we can continue using volunteers, and not drafting and forcing citizens to protect our way of life. We need to redefine roles and responsibilities, not just of the VA and DoD, but from all organizations and agencies that offer services to our veterans.

I said it before…I will be putting together a team of the best this nation has to offer: representing government agencies, Congress, nonprofits, private corporations, academia, think tanks, veterans and their families, to create a system we can all be proud of.

Oh…and 6 months after my dog Mattie died in the fire, we got a call from the same pet groomers who killed her. They were calling to check in on Mattie and see if we wanted to bring her in for a grooming since they hadn’t seen her in 6 months, since her last appointment. Don’t worry, they had an excuse on why it wasn’t their fault that their records weren’t updated.

This is the same level of poor quality of customer service our veterans are experience in this country on a daily basis in trying to get access to healthcare, education, employment and improved quality of life.

I should be celebrating leaving the military after serving 17 years on active duty. Instead I’m bitter, angry, and terrified about how I am supposed to be strong enough to navigate this broken system of veteran care when one letter from the VA brings me to my tipping point and knocks me to the ground.

We are better than this, as individuals and as a Nation.

Our veterans deserve better than this.

With the utmost respect,

DJ D.j. Skelton

**for those of you who posted my story on other sites, like DysfunctionalVeteran, etc; please post this posting to those sites. Thank you. This is my attempt to answer many questions and concerns posted by many readers who left comments.

When Congressmen and captains of industry lead the troops into battle you will cease to have wounded warriors. Until then service men and women will form a line to bleed and die where others like them bled and died before, solely because the first one died there and leaving would mean admitting that they died for nothing.

I give it 10 months or so before a place requiring watering by the blood of patriots locates itself here in the US.

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