SHIRLEY FISCHLER: ‘I was presented with a death sentence’

I went in to Memorial Sloan-Kettering for a first meeting with a thoracic oncologist last Monday. Now that they had the results of the whole-body PET scan, I was hopeful that the “new” cancer was localized in the right lung and a round of chemotherapy would take care of it.

Instead, I was presented with a death sentence.

In six months adenocarcinoma cells have spread throughout my body. These cells are either from my previous breast cancer or from the lung cancer discovered (and supposedly entirely removed) a year and a half ago. However, there were further tests that would have to be performed. It was imperative to find which previous cancer was attacking me, in order to determine a course of treatment.

Then it got worse. I was told that the chemotherapy finally prescribed basically would be palliative, meant to prolong my life with as much quality and comfort as modern medicine could offer.

“There is no cure,” said the oncologist, flatly and definitively. My husband and I left the doctor’s office in complete shock.

How could this be happening? Granted, I have had cancer two times in the last decade. But I had been led to believe (or had simply wanted to believe) that I had conquered both: the breast cancer by surgery, radiation and chemotherapy; the small, very localized lung cancer tumor by surgery alone.

What was happening to my body now was called “metastasis:” cancer cells from an original, or primary site (breast or lung in my case) had spread throughout my body. There are cancer cells in the pericardium of my heart, throughout the pleural sac surrounding my right lung, in chest lymph nodes, in my intestines and possibly even on one of my ribs.

While I sat at home numb and unable to move or think, my husband and both sons mobilized. Second opinions were absolutely required. After all, when one receives a death sentence, one always has the right of appeal.

Within a couple of days we had a huge list, of institutions outside of New York City (Dana Farber in Boston, the Cleveland Clinic, Johns Hopkins, Mayo and others) and prominent thoracic oncologists in the city, including New York Presbyterian, NYU Medical, Mount Sinai and Lenox Hill.

I knew that my friend Philip from West Shokan had received excellent treatment up at Albany Medical and seems to have completely conquered lung cancer. The mother of another acquaintance had gone to Dana Farber in Boston for a third opinion over her metastatic breast cancer. The recommendation there: no treatment at all. That was five years ago and the woman is fine!

I now had so many possibilities for second and third opinions that I couldn’t decide where to go or who to see. Besides, there was still testing to be done before I could seek a second opinion.

There are really bad moments when I think back to nine years ago, when I discovered the lump in my left breast. I could have ended it right then and saved us all a lot of pain and suffering.

Problem is, I have NEVER been suicidal; depressed, even despairing, but never suicidal.

This is another of those moments: I could just exit the scene and save us months or even years of suffering. Plus, unlike previous times, this prognosis was not positive.

With the breast cancer everyone was super-positive: “Oh, we have treatments now that are amazing; you’ll be fine.”

With the initial discovery of the lung tumor, the prognosis was equally upbeat: “The tumor is small and well-defined. Removal of the lower lobe of your right lung should be completely successful and you won’t need radiation or chemotherapy afterwards.” They hook you in.

Let’s face it, maintaining a positive attitude in the face of cancer is a huge part of the battle, and helps much of the time.

How do I maintain a positive attitude in the face of this latest diagnosis? For the moment I can only sit here surrounded and buoyed by love. For the moment I have to let them maintain the positive attitude, while I try to gather strength for another battle.

Shirley Fischler resides in Boiceville and New York City. Her column appears Sunday in the Life section.