Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs, who brought you "Chtulhu: The Fragrance," has released a line of RPG-themed "perfume oil blends." Yes, if you've always wanted to smell like an elf but never thought to mix parma violet, hawthorne bark, white moss and a bunch of other shit together, they've got you covered.

Choose from all standard races in Dungeons & Dragons, six classes and five alignments, at $17.50 per bottle. So if you want to smell like your chaotic neutral half-elf fighter-mage, that'll be $87.50.

Each scent's full list of condiments is at the link. Pretty much everything involves leather, or some kind of hide (except for "Halfling" which is "porridge, kukui nuts, and pastry crumbs.") Orc does not in fact smell like sun-dried ass. It is "Field grey courgette musk, roughly cured leather, and vetiver." OK. Now watch me find out that "vetiver" means something like "rabbit ass."