Why the hell would you make a 3D ‘Peanuts’ movie?

Because you work in Hollywood and you want everything beautiful to die. In the latest installment in the continuing story of everything beautiful being made modern and ugly for Justin Bieber fans to lap up like raw sewage, 20th Century Fox has signed a deal to turn classic newspaper strip Peanuts into a 3D animated movie.

Deadline has the details on the deal, including the creative team behind the movie. The director will be Steve Martino, who last helmed Ice Age: Continental Drift, and the script will be written by Craig and Bryan Schulz, the son and grandson of Peanuts creator Charles Schulz, which is good, along with a relative unknown, Cornelius Uliano.

When Schulz was alive, he took a heavy hand on the licensing and depiction of the Peanuts characters, even stipulating that no other person be allowed to draw the comic strip after his death. Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus and the rest are icons of the American psyche, so I’m terrified that they’ll be turned into vehicles for fart jokes and pop culture references. Do we really trust Fox to do right by an institution like this?

The Peanuts movie already has a release date – November 25, 2015. Plenty of time for the world to come to a horrific end before then. That’s the 50th anniversary of the first airing of A Charlie Brown Christmas, so it’s possible this will be a hideous reimagining of that.