Monday, April 11, 2011

And I've got lots to choose from today since I just went to the grocery store yesterday. So, please, have some butter toffee coffee, sweet iced tea, Fresca, Orange Juice, Capri Suns, V8 juice.....

Well, since we last talked, lots has happened... I didn't run my marathon. I made a whirlwind trip home to meet a special person. My son started TBall. I got a job. I enrolled my son in PreK (is he really that old?) My son learned to swim the length of the pool on his own. I questioned my faith in God. I really could keep going....

But I guess what you really care about is that we found out we are adopting again.

It really was a shock. Totally out of the blue. A true, chance meeting set in motion by God.

We are going to have a little girl and she'll be here in July.

Her birthmother and I have become friends, and I know that God set this whole thing in motion.

I don't want to say too much, because as with all adoptions, just because someone says they want you to adopt, there are things that can happen. Even with an agency, the birthmother can back out. She has 48 hours to sign away her rights. The birthfather can disagree to the adoption...there really are so many things. So basically, you can't say its for real "for real" until you are driving away with the baby in your car.

I have so longed for this baby and honestly thought she wasn't going to come. I really was happy and content with it being "Rasor, Party of Three". I had gotten to that point. My heart was content, my heart was happy with just us three. And then she came along and to be honest, I had to really, really think about it.

For so long I had wanted her, yet the moment someone wanted me to have her, I was unsure. It had taken me YEARS to get to where I was and literally, days after I was content with Rasor Party of Three, it was now becoming Party of Four.

I've struggled in my faith over the last few months as well. I can't quite put my finger on it and I am not so ready to put some of those feelings out there for the world, but I've hit a low valley. To be quite honest, I don't know that I've ever had some of these feelings. I'm working through them, but it's rough. It is rough to question everything you've thought and known for almost your whole life...

One thing that's helped is the new church we've been visiting. It's like a breath of fresh air. Finally, something in this big city feels like home, feels right, feels like where we are supposed to be. So we are getting plugged in, starting to find our way there.