Porny listens to someone who can sing

Every time someone breaks Adele’s heart she is a mess. Then she writes great songs. And she’s still a mess. But through writing and performing she recovers. Only to repeat the process all over again. But at least there’s some growth out of it. And a gift to music.

Every time someone breaks Jessica Simpson’s heart she is a mess. Then she sits around and farts. And then another dude comes along and she gives him her credit card, doesn’t care that he has no job or no desire to go to school, and they both sit around farting together while she pretends to run a billion dollar business.

Last night, Adele played LA. Porny went to see her. Of course the fiancé was there. What else does he have to do? Look at his freeloading face. Look at the dipsh-t way he walks around, without any worries, happily living off a dumbass who begs him to love her every single day. I want to punch him for the way he wears his pants.

As for when they’re getting married - Jessica says no one yet has guessed it right but that the date has indeed been set and that she wants privacy. Porny, please! Here’s what someone who really wants privacy would do: get married on Saturday. Everyone, I don’t understand why, is fixated on that Kardashian person’s wedding on Saturday. That’s how I would do it then... if of course privacy was really, really my primary focus. Which...

This obviously doesn’t apply to anyone Simpson.

Some people are speculating November 11, 2011. You know who’s been looking lonely and scruffy and miserable lately? John Mayer. A part of me doesn’t believe he’s ever really gotten over her. Whether or not that’s mostly sexually motivated or not, I wouldn’t doubt if you told me he thinks about her a lot more than he’d care to admit. John Mayer stops the wedding on November 11, 2011. Is that worthy of your Gossip Genie?