Btw I do see how that first post of mine could be interpreted to mean something very different from what I wanted to say. I'm sure that speaking at cross-purposes for a few posts didn't do much to clarify anything.

I'd also like to point out that I was talking not about stressful situations a couple may face, but about events that abusers tend to perceive as threatening: pregnancy, childbirth, and (of course) attempts by the victim to end the relationship.