Entry 33
I've decided to put that whole situation that happened last night out of my mind for good. After staying up half the night thinking about it, I've come to a conclusion - FORGET ABOUT IT.
Even though my actions may have caused that latest beat down, it's not like he wouldn't have beat her for something else anyway. Besides that, she'd had every chance to leave him at any time. Instead of slipping notes under Trey's door, she should have been slipping out into the night, never to return again. It's not my fault that she chose to stay with her abusive man.
I'm not going to tell anyone about it either. What's done is done, it's over, that's the end of it.
Trey doesn't need to know. If he has a soft spot for that girl, then she could end up getting him involved in a situation that could hurt his career. So, in a way, I've protected Trey. He's just getting started and he doesn't need to have his name being put out there in a negative light.
As for my feelings and nerves getting to me last night, well, I'm just going to have to develop a thicker skin. Life isn't always pretty and if I'm going to be there 100% for Trey then I'm going to have to be tough. I'm never going to let anyone hurt Trey or what we have together.
Trey and I haven't been together for a long length of time, but I believe we have what it takes to get us to that next level. All I have to do is keep my cool when it comes to other females and really, really trust and believe in Trey. Not only that, but he's going to have to be able to trust and believe in me too. I know he doesn't want a flake as his future wife. He needs my love and support right now and I'm going to give it to him.
Speaking of support, today while I was on my lunch break, I stopped by Best Buy to pick up a few of Trey's cd's. I had planned to leave them at the desk in the lobby of my building. I got the inspiration to do that from a clip I watched on YouTube. One of Trey's fans had bought a few of his cds and she gave them away.

OMGosh, Essence girl that was sooooo stupid. Why in the hell would she do that? Man she's going to be the reason Trey leaves her. I'm sooooo pissed off @ her. She needs to get her anger and jealous under control, otherwise she's going to be lonely as hell.

On another note, great add. Kept my attention. Waiting patiently for Entry #33.

Girl, this is incredible. I understand your anger...we do the dumbest things out of anger & then regret it later. Her situation is unfortunate, but only she can leave it. She stayed there to allow him to do it again...that blame cannot fall on you. Now singing..."It's Unfortunate..." I hope Trey never finds out or at least not blame you for it. Homegirl should've kept her feelings to herself.

I'm a little behind but I just had to respond to this...."I went right over to their door and knocked.
The guy answered the door. I gave him the letter and told him to tell his chick to keep her junk mail in their apartment."

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMMMNNNN! This shit is too good for words!!!

Nooooooo.... Why Would She Do That? She Knows How Trey Feels About DV... Oh Its A Rap!!! Trey Good Luck Dealing With That!!! I Wouldn't Be Mad If Trey Broke Up With You Cuz that Wasn't Cool!! i Know You Were Mad But Dang!! lOl

Entry 32 cont'd
When I went into Trey's bedroom I could hear her crying on the other side of the wall. It made me think about how many times Trey must have heard her too. Had he gone over there to help her? The thought of Trey going over there to comfort her made me want to scream. He had never mentioned anything about it to me, but obviously, they had talked. I had to leave Trey's apartment because the sound of her crying was freaking me out.
All kinds of feelings are flooding through me. I'm not a monster, I just got angry. She should never have written that note and slipped it under Trey's door. Why did she want to bring him into her messed up life anyway?
How am I going to explain this to Trey? Or anyone else, for that matter? I can't tell my sister and friends, they'll NEVER understand why I provoked a man to hit a woman. Trey would probably lose all respect for me.
Damn that STUPID STUPID BITCH!!!!

Oooooooo.....that was fucked up yo!!! I do feel bad for her but she should not be hitting on somebody else's man!! LOL.....can't wait for Trey to find out.....he gon be pissed at her!! Hurry up and post the next part!!

Entry 32 cont'd
The man looked confused as he looked at the note. After he read it, I watched as his face contorted out of anger. He roared the stupid chick's name and even I was afraid for a second. She came to the door and a look of sheer fear fell across her face as she noticed the note in his hand.
"What the fuck is this?" I'll never forget the way his voice sounded.
"What?" The tears were already streaming down her face. She tried to push past him and walk out of the door, but he grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her. She cried out in pain. He forced her back into the apartment. He didn't say anything to me as he closed the door in my face. He didn't have to, the anger in his eyes said enough. I heard him yelling at her about what the note said. I heard her trying to deny it. When I saw the door dent outward and I heard the sound of her body hitting it at the same time, that was all I needed know. I ran back inside of Trey's apartment and locked the door. I heard another thump, and the sound of glass breaking. I could hear her screaming. I had to cover my ears. I leaned against the door and for a moment, I felt bad about what I had done.
A second later, like an adrenaline rush, anger hit me again. So what, what's done is done. She didn't care about my feelings when she wrote that note to Trey. Who the hell did she think she was?
I listened as he was either smacking her or punching her. Either way, she was crying for him to stop. The last thing I heard was him telling her to,"Stay your stupid ass in here!" Then I heard a door slam.
I started to get chills. I rubbed my shoulders and arms and paced back and forth, wondering what was going to happen next. I heard the sound of running water. What seemed like an eternity later, I heard their front door open. I moved away from the door as I heard him walk past. He was whistling.
A feeling of guilt swept over me. I had just been the cause of domestic violence. Who knows how bad he hurt her. But why do I care?

Entry 32 cont'd
Stacy made me calm down enough to finish telling her my story. She said that she knew I'd be glad to have him back in my sight in two days. I told her they were going to be two of the longest days of my life. When Stacy's shift was over, I decided to go back up to Trey's house and watch Martin. I wanted to feel close to him.
When I walked into his apartment, immediately I felt my foot kick something. I watched as a folded up piece of paper skidded across the floor. I picked it up and started to put it with the rest of the fan stuff on his bed, but the message on the outside fold read: Please read now.
I know it wasn't right to read it, but my curiosity got the best of me. Now, a small part of me wishes that I hadn't.
I read the little message. It said, 'I think about our talk all the time. You were right. I'm ready to sign those papers and move on to something better. Are you ready to do the same? Let me know - Kelli.
Kelli is the beat freak who lives next door to Trey. I wanted to kill her right then and there. I went into the kitchen to grab the biggest knife I could find. I was going to gut her like a fish.
If theme music were to start playing, it would have been Kanye's 'Flashing Lights' because before the night was over, there was going to be a whole lot of them out side this building as they carried her dead ass out. I got this funny feeling, though, as I opened the door.
I thought about how Trey would feel. If I killed her, they'd be carrying me out too - in handcuffs.
I'd be looking at hard time, and Trey would be so disappointed if that happened. I was still pissed, but I remembered I promised Trey that I wouldn't attack anybody while he was gone. I wasn't going to put my hands on that bitch, but I knew somebody who would. I put the knife back in the kitchen, then I went right over to their door and knocked.
The guy answered the door. I gave him the letter and told him to tell his chick to keep her junk mail in their apartment.

Entry 32
I can't believe what that dumb bitch on the third floor made me do. I just can't believe it. Just when I thought I had my anger under control too. I feel like breaking something!! I feel like breaking her neck!!
Everything was going alright. After I had finished at Trey's, I went downstairs to hang with Stacy for a little while. I was all happy, telling her all about my visit with Trey, enjoying her reaction, when this bitch walks in. Stacy and I both spoke to her. She said hi to Stacy, but she just gave me this look. WTF?! Did I do something to her? I mean, she and I were never friends, but when some one speaks to you, the thing to do, out of common courtesy, is to at least acknowledge them. She didn't have to speak, she could have nodded. She didn't have to give me that stank look.
Stacy saw the expression on my face and she sort of waved her hand as if to tell me to just forget it. So I did. For some reason though, it made me want to talk louder. I know that chick is on Trey's dick so I just had to tell Stacy all about how he had brought me onstage.
When she was gone, Stacy told me that she had been asking about Trey. She told me that she hadn't told her anything about Trey since she knows he's my man.
"I wouldn't disrespect you like that." Stacy said.
"Thanks for telling me, girl." Now I had a bone to pick with that chick. What the hell did she want with Trey? I started to go and ask her, but Stacy stopped me. She laughed and told me that I be wildin out. She said she heard about what I did to the hotel ho. She made me laugh as she recounted what had been told to her.
"Girl, you know he fine as hell and he new around here. These chicks are gon be lining up to get at him. And now that he's famous, oh the groupie love is gon' be off the meat rack. Whatchu gon do? Fight everybody?"
I told her that I knew that he was going to be getting all kinds of attention from now on, and I could handle that - to an extent. I won't tolerate disrespect. NOT AT ALL!!

Entry 31 cont'd
As I continued to go on and on about Trey/Trey Songz, they began to give me looks as if they thought I had gone crazy. Juicy suggested that they take me out on the terrace to hose me down. I shrugged and began to dance to the next song. They didn't understand about my feelings for Trey. It was no use trying to make them understand either. They'd just have to meet him for themselves.
The rest of their visit went alright, we caught up on how everyone else has been doing while we finished up the food and drinks. Not long after, everyone had to leave.
"I don't wanna leeeeave - but I gotta go right now!!" Unique sang as she hugged me. We all laughed. They made me promise not to forget about them when Trey got back in town. I told them that I wouldn't and I promised them that I'd invite them over so that they could meet the man, the legend himself. I hugged and kissed them all, and I told CoCo to have my nephew call me.
I'm going to go downstairs and do some housekeeping at Trey's. After being gone for a while, I don't want him to come home to old food in the fridge and dirty clothes in the hamper. He's probably gotten used to having maid service and room service too. Well, I want to give my baby what he's been missing, homemade meals and all of the comforts of home. I'll probably have to run to the store too. I'd better get going.
It didn't take me long to tidy up Trey's apartment. There really wasn't much to do, but I gave the whole apartment the once over, just to be sure that when he comes home, everything will be fresh and clean for him. When I was on my way to the store, Stacy told me that a lot of the neighbors had been leaving gifts and fan mail for Trey. She said that she'd had to stash it all in the security office. I told her that I'd pick up everything when I got back.
I had to make two trips just to get all of the wrapped and unwrapped gifts, cards and letters. I decided to arrange everything into a neat pile on his bed. He'll be surprised.

Damn...where was I at that I missed SIX new entries...oh...now I remember (I was driving from Chicago to New Orleans to visit my family all day Saturday - yesterday)! I'm just getting on today (Sunday)...this is TRULY AMAZING!!! Just as everyone else has said...I look forward to the new entries as well. I love their relationship and her obsession...I need rehab too, but I'm not going either!!! LOL Keep up the great job...NEXT ENTRY PLEASE!!! LOL

OMG This is so DOPE!!! lOl.. "Well, at first, it was kinda like ridin one uh dose mechanical bull thingies, but den I dug into his back wit my nails and I got more leverage. And that dude who taped it wit his camera phone, didn't even catch my good side."

Entry 31 cont'd
Without going into too many details, I let them know that he has what it takes to keep me satisfied. I told them his shoe size, and they all expressed their approval. We were drinking, so as time went on, I let out more about our sexcapades.
"Girl you should just get that diary of yours published." CoCo suggested.
"Why, what's in the diary?" Unique asked.
"Everythaaang!!!" CoCo laughed. I took away her glass. I walked into the kitchen while they were asking me to tell them what's in my diary. I mean I love them and all, but some things are supposed to be private.
"Oh don't get all shy now, Miss Balcony!" Juicy shouted to me.
"And the award for the best scene on a railing goes to..." Unique joined in.
I brought in more snacks on a tray. I tried to keep a blank expression on my face, but eventually I laughed.
"Essence, all of the video bloggers want to know, was it difficult to maintain your balance on that bar? And as for the balcony rail, is it still intact?" Lovey held up a wine bottle as a microphone.
I pretended to look into a camera as I smoothed my hair and clothes. "Well, at first, it was kinda like ridin one uh dose mechanical bull thingies, but den I dug into his back wit my nails and I got more leverage. And that dude who taped it wit his camera phone, didn't even catch my good side." I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes and half spun on my heels and walked away.
Trey's cd was playing in the backgound and when his single came on, CoCo turned up the volume and we all sang the lyrics.
"Girl you got that HOOD kinda GOOD kinda SWEET kinda DEEP kinda lovin!"
I showed them the footage of Trey singing to me at the concert. They all said that I looked star struck. I told them that in a way, I was. I explained that the man I know as Trey is one in a million, but Trey Songz is something else. I told them that the look he gave me was like he could see right through my clothes, but it was ok, because it was him, and his voice mesmerized me.

Entry 31 cont'd
I told them about Trey's listening party. They were impressed. I showed them the dog tag necklace. More impressed. I told them about my trip to Atlanta.
"You're obsessed." Unique said. She was being serious and I appreciated her candor. I told them that I was beginning to feel that way too.
CoCo thought that it could just be the sex. "He put it on you too good." She shrugged.
"I don't think it's just that." I said. I told them about how I feel when he looks at me, the way he gives me his full attention when I have something to say, how comfortable and safe I feel with him.
"Maybe you two are moving too fast. It hasn't been two months, and you already have keys to each other's apartments. Even if you think you know a lot about him, you don't know everything about him. What if he breaks your heart?" Lovey said.
The others agreed with her. She did have a point. I thought about Trey's cheating incident.
"If he cheats on you, what are you going to do?"
"If he gets all caught up in the fame, how are you going to deal with it?"
"If he puts his career before your relationship, are you going to stay with him?"
"If he starts dating another celebrity to help boost his career, what will that do to you?"
I was being bombarded from all sides. Even with all of that to consider, I still have faith in Trey. Only he and I know how strong the bond between us is.
"I mean he's only human. I know he's not perfect, but neither am I. What if I break his heart?" I said.
Juicy said that in her opinion, he stood to lose way more than I did if things didn't work out. I love her for saying that, I love them all for their concern. Honestly though, I don't even want to think about all the ifs. All I know is right now, I'm where I want to be with him. He hasn't changed one bit since he's become a celebrity. I'm going to stay loyal to him.
The rest of the visit went all right. I did tell them one hot story about the sex. They hung onto every detail. They wanted to know more.

Entry 31
My sister and friends left a little while ago. Having them come over wasn't so bad after all. I hadn't been spending any time with them since Trey and I got together. I've been so wrapped up with Trey that everything else in my life pales in comparison to him. I know it's not right to feel that way. My sister and our friends mean everything to me, but somehow Trey means just a little bit more. Is this love or obsession? I don't know and I'm starting not to care. He makes me happy. Happier than I can ever remember feeling before. I only hope that I make him feel the same way. I'd do anything to keep him in my life. ANYTHING.
My sister, CoCo, our godsister Lovey, and our best friends Unique and Juicy came over while I was watching the second part of Trey's ustream. I threatened to lock them out on the terrace if they said anything negative while he was on. Surprisingly, they didn't protest. It felt good to have them see my man doing his thang, making his mark in the music world.
After the last fan got their hug and cd signed, Trey said he had a little time left, so he had a little Q&A session with the ustream audience.
Trey answered every question with no hesitation. They wanted to know his age, how did he get started in the music business, how did he know Drake, was he single. Juicy cleared her throat on that last one. It made me raise my eyebrow at her. He answered the question the way he always does. He stated that he is in a relationship and he is happy.
I gave them all a look that meant, 'see?'
"Well at least he's saying that he is. A lot of celebrities lie about their relationships." Juicy said. I agreed with that, then I had to point out that Trey isn't the average celebrity type.
They all agreed that he's super duper sexy, but oddly, none of them are attracted to him. I don't mind that at all. We've never gone after each other's boyfriends before, and I definetly didn't want that to start now.
Like I said before, I'd do ANYTHING to keep Trey.

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