(screeching sound)
(exploding sound)
Voiceover: Exclusive.
(flickering sound)
(breaking sound)
Paul: Guys, we'll real talk.
We're in crisis mode right now, OK?
The backlash against you guys playing
the Lions-Packers game Thanksgiving
is bad.
Chad: It can't be that bad.
Paul: It can't be "that bad."
OK, dude from Nickelback.
People signed an online petition.
(ominous music)
OK?
So we got to figure out right
now why Detroit hates Nickelback.
It can't be the hair.
Your hair is killer.
What you guys do?
Kick Michael Moore in the balls?
What did you do?
Start hotel fire?
Called Lansing one time?
Started an STD outbreak?
You know what I'm talking about.
You know, I did read on one website one
time that you guys are goat fuckers.
Do I smell goats?
Chad: We make love to goats.
(laughs)
Oh, yeah, top.
Mel: Could it be because you're Canadian?
Paul: Oh yes!
Paul: Eww!
Paul: Ech!
Paul: Let's brainstorm.
What can we do?
Mel: (whirling sound)
Ryan: Why don't we get ourselves
to open up for ourselves?
"Nickelback featuring Nickelback."
Mike: Wait a minute though.
Doesn't everybody hate Nickelback?
Chad: Hmm.
Mike: Mm.
Ryan: Yeah, good point.
Paul: OK, all right, all right, all right.
Let's start from scratch.
This whole Nickelback
thing, it's not working.
Let's give Motor City that
Motown sound that they love.
You're no longer Nickelback.
Now you're the Four Nickels, OK?
We'll put you guys in matching suits.
Chad: That's not a good idea.
That's a fucking horrible idea!
You're a fucking moron!
Paul: That's why you're
the brains of the group.
Mike: I'm the brains of the group.
Paul: Ah, not anymore.
Now you're the sex appeal.
Mike: Done.
Paul: We need you guys
to tap into Detroit,
emulate the great talent
that has come out of there.
I mean Eminem, Aretha Franklin,
Robocop, Alice Cooper, Tom Selleck,
and God rest his soul, Dave Coulier.
Mel: Cut it out.
Paul: Detroit fans are going to love you.
Why?
Because they're going to see
your sincerity, your honesty,
and above all, that you don't
sacrifice your hard-earned integrity.
(tap on table)
(ominous music)
Ryan: That's it.
I'm done.
Paul: Guys, you look great!
You're Detroit heroes!
Come on, Alice Cooper,
Tom Selleck, Robocop,
you're going to have a million new
fans by Black Friday, I guarantee.
Daniel: But why do I
have to be Dave Coulier?
Mel: This is ridiculous.
Chad: I'm out of here.
Paul: Don't!
Come on!
Don't leave!
Mike: I'm keeping the Robocop suit.
Paul: We're charging you for it.
(door slams close)
Now, who were those guys?
Mel: I do not know!
Paul: Neither do I.
Mel: Yeah.