Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Widowed Resolution

I've found that one of the hardest questions to answer has been "How are you doing?". At Mary Kay we're taught to always respond with "Great!" because most of the time it is asked out of politeness and they aren't really interested in the answer so why not answer in the positive. Plus if answered this way long enough it will eventually become true.

Well, widowerdom (my new word of the day) has brought a whole new dimension to the answer. It's not that I'm not doing great most of the time, but it can change at a moments notice. Little things can pull at my heart and remind me of the absence of my sweetheart and leave me with bittersweet emotions that often result in silent tears.

I've evaluated these feelings often and can most closely describe it as the feeling you get while listening to a song with dissonant chords. The harmonies are so close that they bring an uncomfortable feeling and a longing for the song to resolve into a pleasing harmony. The only problem is that it doesn't resolve. You are left with a longing that doesn't dissolve but lingers on. It doesn't go away, you just become used to it so it doesn't hurt as much.

While thinking about this the following poem came to my mind. I don't assume to be much of a poet but it describes this feeling well:

Widowed Resolution

The melody I still can hear,
Though worn and old, I shed a tear.
The harmony that once there bore,
Still faintly plays though heard no more.
The songs of two combined as one,
Did rise and grow, a pleasing tone.
O’re dissonance the two did cling,
Then resolution’s joy did bring.
Through rise and fall together bore,
Those harmonies I hear no more.
Though peaceful, calm, is the sound,
Sweet consonance cannot be found.
How long will this new song still ring,
While bittersweet the memories bring?
Yet, the refrain I leave for Him to solve,
Patiently I wait, for it to resolve.

11 comments:

I have not commented since before Krista passed away. But I do read your blog all the time! :)

I am also LDS, and a member of my ward found your family's blog after my husband was diagnosed with GBM. Krista emailed me a time or two,and answered questions and was so sweet! I have always appreciated it!

I now am walking where you are walking. My sweet husband survived 17 months, and just died in September. It is a challenge to say the least. But I take courage from those (like you) who keep putting their best foot forward, and who stay positive and faithful!

I'm so sorry that you have joined our club. It's a tough trial to endure. I hope you have the support you need. I'll keep you in my prayers for you to find the comfort, peace and help that you need.

You should join the LDS Widows and Widowers group on Facebook. Once I joined it was like being able to breath again after holding my breath for months.Here's a link to it if you're interested: http://www.facebook.com/groups/43519568353/

I am so sorry to hear of Krista's passing. Yes,I am just finding out. I first "met" Krista when I joined the 2ofus4now group in 2006. It was a life raft for me in a sea of sadness and impatience trying to have a baby. Krista's words always brought me peace and I learned from her that everyone has their own trials and what seems a "lesser trial" to us may seem insurmountable to them. She did an amazing job moderating that emotionally charged group! I would peek in on Krista's blog from time to time as well. Then I got pregnant with twin girls and life got a whole lot busier! We had another little girl two years later and I stopped reading Krista's blog as often. For some reason, this morning I thought of her and her sweet words of wisdom and encouragement. I'm sad that she is gone and I'm grateful that you have kept up her blog for those of us who are late-comers to the news. I know Krista's spirit is always with you and your beautiful children. And if there is one more thing I have learned through infertility and reading Krista's words, it's that God knows each of us individually. He knows our needs and He will provide those needs individually. He is with you. Best wishes to you.

I was a missionary in The Woodlands from Thanksgiving 1989 from about 4 months. My companion and I spent some time with the two of you. I think you were one of the ones with me when it was raining so hard and the water was so deep that our car quit. After several tries to get it started again we prayed and it started right up.

I have treasured the music the two of you gave us. My husband and I have sung the songs in church several times. My daughter is learning to play, "Let Me Lead You To Eternity" because she likes the way it makes her feel.

Your music has always lifted my soul. I am so grateful to both you and Krista for it. I loved being with both of you because we felt loved in your home.

I never planned on it, but when I play your music I have wondered if one of the reasons I named my daughter "Krista" was because of your Krista. She is one of the most compassionate, gentle souls I know., much like your Krista was and is.

Tonight as Krista was playing your song I told her about your Krista and you. I googled to see what you were up to now days and found that she had passed away. I am sorry Jared. She was and always will be a great woman. Please have your kids give you a hug from me.

Another year has gone by. Just wondering how your life is now. We followed Krista's & your journey for so long. Just wondering how the kids are now and if you have reinvested in other areas of your life. Post soon! :)