the fastest way to my heart is through my ribcage

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Back Among the Land of the Living

Friday was all about the prep for the shoot on "The Black Dahlia." Saturday morning would have been my nine mile run - but we know how that turned out.

Saturday night I helped run the Project Angel Food booth at Pride until midnight. It took forever to get out of the parking deck.

Sunday was a killer. Up at 7 to get to the parade. Our float was in pieces on Laurel Canyon at Fountain. Louis and the crew was already working on it when I arrived. Louis was exhausted from working all week on the pieces of it. I helped until Anna Nicole arrived.

Now you've been wondering. Anna Nicole Smith. COULD NOT HAVE BEEN NICER. Howard, her right hand man, could NOT have been nicer. I had NO expectations for either one of them. And they both impressed me.

As soon as the limo arrived, fans and press were all over the car. Howard told me she needed a bathroom. WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. Fortunately for all involved, one of the volunteers lived DIRECTLY across the street. So out pops Anna Nicole - I introduced myself. She put one arm around my waist. I put one around her. She waved and blew kisses with one arm. I blocked and screamed for everyone to back up.

It took us five minutes to walk across the street - me screaming at everyone to back up - we got her inside and closed the door.

I turn around. Howard, her hair and make-up team are there, along with a video camera crew and a still photographer - and I thought, "oh crap! They followed us in!" Turns out, she's doing a new show - and they were HER people.

(So when her new show comes out - I'll be the crazy person screaming at the press... and then there are the action shots I'll tell you about in a minute.)

So she emerges. All the cameras are off - and she talked and chatted - she comes across much more intelligent than her persona would let on. Granted, she doesn't have an application for MESNA in her mailbox, but the personality the world knows as Anna Nicole is slightly exaggerated from the person I got to meet.

Anna Nicole is America's version of royalty. A figure head. People were openly WEEPING seeing her when she signed autographs. That's a little freaky to me. "I LOVE YOU, ANNA!" The parade itself was about an hour - and I heard, "ANNA!" in my head for two days.

So long story short, we get her in the car - the parade takes forever to start - thankyouverymuchParisHilton for showing up late to be grand marshall. Someone - who shall remain nameless - came up with a brilliant idea of buying lots of Carl's Jr. Hamburgers and having fans deck Paris with them. It wasn't me. I wish I could take credit for it. But that person has been mentioned...

Right as we round the corner, Anna Nicole begins throwing Trimspa t-shirts into the crowd. Now - we were already told you can't throw things into the crowd - but I told Howard and Anna, "it is easier to ask forgiveness, than permission." Faster than you can say, "Trimspa, baby" - a parade volunteer LEAPS into Anna's face and begins screaming, "You can't throw things into the crowd! If you throw another thing I will yank you out of this parade! I will yank Project Angel Food out of this parade! You will never be able to be in this parade again! Do you hear me! You can't--"

I was so stunned, but at the same time, I'm the handler, so I slide in front of her and say, "she heard you the first time. Note taken."

She POKES me.

"I better not--"

I shoved her back. (Instinct. Couldn't believe she poked me.)

"Shove me again and I'll pull--!"

"TOUCH ME AGAIN AND YOU WON'T HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO PULL ANYTHING!" I hit the back of the car. "MOVE!"

That's when the siege happened. Out of nowhere - it was like the attack at the end of "Dawn of the Dead." Rabid fans rushed the car.

Howard and I were pushing them back - blocking Anna - but then they became more aggressive - so I had to elbow them. SMACK! In one guys throat. Another guy came up behind me and grabbed her shoulder. I elbowed him in the throat. I threw my hand out to block one guy - but he ran RIGHT INTO MY FIST. That hurt.

I thought - crap - an hour of this!

I kept screaming, "stay back! You can't come in the street!"

The troll volunteer rushed me and kept screaming, "they can't come in the street!" To which I replied, "why don't you tell them that, you moron!"

One guy sprinted right over - jumped on the car - I had to grab him by his shirt and throw him back.

Then the police arrived. They circled up and followed us to the end - but that still didn't stop the occasional lunatic from jumping over the barricade and running like a crazy person.

When it was finally done - Howard thanked me, we quickly got her in the limo - because all the press followed us. I'm sure there are THOUSANDS of pictures of the two of us out there. The only one I found on the net was from this guy who runs: justabovesunset.com

The caption read: Anna Nicole is eyed critically. I can't decide who looks worse. Me or her. (By the way, she's sitting on the car. She's not an amazon.)

She was a great celebrity for Project Angel Food. She signed everything fans put in front of her - took pictures with everyone. I have a new respect for her. She is what she is. And she's happy. And apparently she makes thousands of people happy. God knows I watched her show. She's an entertainer.

So - left there - flew to set - checked in my peeps for the night shoot - they all showed up. No nightmares. Everyone was happy.

Then three hours later - left there and went BACK to Pride to work the last shift at the booth and then help tear everything down and pack up.

By the time I got home, I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I couldn't move for two days.

Comments

Friday was all about the prep for the shoot on "The Black Dahlia." Saturday morning would have been my nine mile run - but we know how that turned out.

Saturday night I helped run the Project Angel Food booth at Pride until midnight. It took forever to get out of the parking deck.

Sunday was a killer. Up at 7 to get to the parade. Our float was in pieces on Laurel Canyon at Fountain. Louis and the crew was already working on it when I arrived. Louis was exhausted from working all week on the pieces of it. I helped until Anna Nicole arrived.

Now you've been wondering. Anna Nicole Smith. COULD NOT HAVE BEEN NICER. Howard, her right hand man, could NOT have been nicer. I had NO expectations for either one of them. And they both impressed me.

As soon as the limo arrived, fans and press were all over the car. Howard told me she needed a bathroom. WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. Fortunately for all involved, one of the volunteers lived DIRECTLY across the street. So out pops Anna Nicole - I introduced myself. She put one arm around my waist. I put one around her. She waved and blew kisses with one arm. I blocked and screamed for everyone to back up.

It took us five minutes to walk across the street - me screaming at everyone to back up - we got her inside and closed the door.

I turn around. Howard, her hair and make-up team are there, along with a video camera crew and a still photographer - and I thought, "oh crap! They followed us in!" Turns out, she's doing a new show - and they were HER people.

(So when her new show comes out - I'll be the crazy person screaming at the press... and then there are the action shots I'll tell you about in a minute.)

So she emerges. All the cameras are off - and she talked and chatted - she comes across much more intelligent than her persona would let on. Granted, she doesn't have an application for MESNA in her mailbox, but the personality the world knows as Anna Nicole is slightly exaggerated from the person I got to meet.

Anna Nicole is America's version of royalty. A figure head. People were openly WEEPING seeing her when she signed autographs. That's a little freaky to me. "I LOVE YOU, ANNA!" The parade itself was about an hour - and I heard, "ANNA!" in my head for two days.

So long story short, we get her in the car - the parade takes forever to start - thankyouverymuchParisHilton for showing up late to be grand marshall. Someone - who shall remain nameless - came up with a brilliant idea of buying lots of Carl's Jr. Hamburgers and having fans deck Paris with them. It wasn't me. I wish I could take credit for it. But that person has been mentioned...

Right as we round the corner, Anna Nicole begins throwing Trimspa t-shirts into the crowd. Now - we were already told you can't throw things into the crowd - but I told Howard and Anna, "it is easier to ask forgiveness, than permission." Faster than you can say, "Trimspa, baby" - a parade volunteer LEAPS into Anna's face and begins screaming, "You can't throw things into the crowd! If you throw another thing I will yank you out of this parade! I will yank Project Angel Food out of this parade! You will never be able to be in this parade again! Do you hear me! You can't--"

I was so stunned, but at the same time, I'm the handler, so I slide in front of her and say, "she heard you the first time. Note taken."

She POKES me.

"I better not--"

I shoved her back. (Instinct. Couldn't believe she poked me.)

"Shove me again and I'll pull--!"

"TOUCH ME AGAIN AND YOU WON'T HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO PULL ANYTHING!" I hit the back of the car. "MOVE!"

That's when the siege happened. Out of nowhere - it was like the attack at the end of "Dawn of the Dead." Rabid fans rushed the car.

Howard and I were pushing them back - blocking Anna - but then they became more aggressive - so I had to elbow them. SMACK! In one guys throat. Another guy came up behind me and grabbed her shoulder. I elbowed him in the throat. I threw my hand out to block one guy - but he ran RIGHT INTO MY FIST. That hurt.

I thought - crap - an hour of this!

I kept screaming, "stay back! You can't come in the street!"

The troll volunteer rushed me and kept screaming, "they can't come in the street!" To which I replied, "why don't you tell them that, you moron!"

One guy sprinted right over - jumped on the car - I had to grab him by his shirt and throw him back.

Then the police arrived. They circled up and followed us to the end - but that still didn't stop the occasional lunatic from jumping over the barricade and running like a crazy person.

When it was finally done - Howard thanked me, we quickly got her in the limo - because all the press followed us. I'm sure there are THOUSANDS of pictures of the two of us out there. The only one I found on the net was from this guy who runs: justabovesunset.com

The caption read: Anna Nicole is eyed critically. I can't decide who looks worse. Me or her. (By the way, she's sitting on the car. She's not an amazon.)

She was a great celebrity for Project Angel Food. She signed everything fans put in front of her - took pictures with everyone. I have a new respect for her. She is what she is. And she's happy. And apparently she makes thousands of people happy. God knows I watched her show. She's an entertainer.

So - left there - flew to set - checked in my peeps for the night shoot - they all showed up. No nightmares. Everyone was happy.

Then three hours later - left there and went BACK to Pride to work the last shift at the booth and then help tear everything down and pack up.

By the time I got home, I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I couldn't move for two days.