Tributes to 'bullying' victim Libby Bell1:35

This is for Libby Bell - a tribute video posted online after the 13-year-old Adelaide high school student took her own life over bullying and abuse.

September 4th 2017

22 days ago

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Libby Bell, 13, took her own life after being the subject of bullying. Picture: FacebookSource:Facebook

THE distressing case of Libby Bell brings to light the dark side of social media, and the dangers it can pose to our children.

It will probably come as little shock to parents of school aged children that more than a quarter of those children experienced bullying within the previous 12 months, writes RendezView.

Sadly, many of these young people had experienced bullying in multiple places with more than half experiencing it at school and online.

But it’s where they turn for help that is where parents can have the most impact in helping their children as many do turn to their parents for support — the pressure comes in knowing how best to support them.

Those that didn’t seek help said social stigma, embarrassment, fear of being seen as ‘weak’, or feeling as if they should be able to deal with it on their own were the main factors. Others thought that the issue was not serious enough to warrant asking for help.

Libby Bell, 13, took her own life after being the subject of school bullying. Picture: FacebookSource:Facebook

Given the fact that parents are the first port of call for support, it’s critical that they have some understanding of the context within which these events occur.

Parents often struggle with the notion that their children’s lives seem to rely so heavily on maintaining a strong digital presence, but today cyberspace is where our children congregate in order to communicate, socialise, have fun, and learn.

When children interact online, feuds between friends or peers can reach far beyond the school gate and bullies often follow their targets on to social media and other electronic mediums.

While multiple definitions of bullying and cyber-bullying exist, it seems we still don’t have a shared understanding of what bullying looks and feels like in different environments or contexts.

Cyber-bullying is an extension of more conventional face-to-face bullying, not a unique phenomenon itself. The unique component however, is that social media turns bullying into an “always on” experience.

How is bullying different from rude or mean behaviour, both of which are hurtful and can escalate very quickly to harassment or bullying? Bullying can, and often does, take the form of physical or verbal abuse, but it can also manifest in more covert ways including social rejection, gossiping and rumour spreading, excluding others from social media groups, and deliberate damage to reputation. All of these are much more difficult to recognise, and more likely to occur behind the target’s back, or online.

Something I found worked with children and young people was to define bullying as being when someone, or a group of people, say or do something that is intentionally hurtful or intended to cause harm, distress or fear. And they keep doing it even when you tell them to stop or show them that you’re upset — that’s bullying!

Online, adults often become invisible, and are therefore not always able to intervene. It’s only by observing changes in a child’s behaviour at home or at school that we can hope to gauge what they might be dealing with on and offline.

How Should Parents Handle Their Children Being Bullied?4:46

Many children will encounter bullying âat school for the first time this fall, and parents are often at a loss about how to respond. WSJ's Sue Shellenbarger joins Lunch Break and explains when and how should a parent should approach a teacher if their child is being bullied. Photo: Getty

We know from the Office of the eSafety Commissioner that children being cyberbullied may exhibit behaviours like:

• being upset after using the internet or their mobile phone

• mood swings

• appearing more lonely or distressed

• unexpected changes in friendship groups

• a decline in their school work

• changes in sleep patterns

• avoidance of school

• a decline in their physical health

• becoming secretive about their online activities and mobile phone use

Due to the fact that children often cannot see the other children with whom they’re interacting, they often feel less confronted or inhibited by their actions. The screen creates a sense of detachment and anonymity, which can be especially empowering to those who wish to inflict harm on others.

And there are no facial expressions or natural inflections involved in digital discourse (emojis can only provide hints) which makes it much harder to convey tone. Not knowing whether a person is being sarcastic, serious, humorous, or rude can cause messages to be greatly misconstrued.

A critical component of human communication is empathy, and unfortunately this gets lost when there are screens between people.

The most effective prevention skills we can hope to pass on to our children in order to help them navigate life both on-and-off-line are:

• How to manage conflict

• The importance of considering the consequences of their actions both for themselves and for others

• What to do if they are a bystander or witness to a bullying event (and who to ask if they’re not sure)

And, most importantly, where they can seek help

The development of a strong moral compass is a work in progress for children and young people. Having ongoing and open conversations where we can reiterate our family and community values is an integral part of this process.

If you or someone you know needs help, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Kids Helpline Official on 1800 55 1800.