TheMMQB today published, along with a video interview, a piece written by Michael Sam about his experiences over the past year and how he’s working to eventually make it onto the roster of an NFL team. In the article, Sam explains that he doesn’t think his sexuality kept him off an NFL team, nor did his experience any poor treatment from his teammates.

It was around this time a year ago that TheMMQB’s editor, Peter King, in his weekly column ran the comments of three NFL general managers who he had granted anonymity so they could feel free to air their concerns about Sam’s sexuality without fear of reprisal. Worse still, Peter didn’t even bother to ask these people to go on the record. Why? Because protecting his access means more to King than the ethics of bigotry without accountability or whether the opinions of a few NFL executives should be considered a representative sample of many others.

I spoke to four club officials Sunday — three general managers, one scout — and the reaction to a third-round prospect being gay ran the gamut. I spoke to all anonymously because with such a touchy subject, I assumed all would either no-comment me (and one other GM did) or say something so sanitized it wouldn’t really be the truth.

I don’t like to do anonymous sources to write an entire story but I felt in this case it would give the best information possible.

“We talked about it this week,” the GM said. “First of all, we don’t think he’s a very good player. The reality is he’s an overrated football player in our estimation. Second: He’s going to have expectations about where he should be drafted, and I think he’ll be disappointed. He’s not going to get drafted where he thinks he should.

The question you will ask yourself, knowing your team, is, ‘How will drafting him affect your locker room?’ And I am sorry to say where we are at this point in time, I think it’s going to affect most locker rooms. A lot of guys will be uncomfortable. Ten years from now, fine. But today, I think being openly gay is a factor in the locker room.”

I asked this general manager: “Do you think he’ll be drafted?”

“No,” he said.

Unfortunately, this is how Sam has to conduct himself with the media if he wants a career in the NFL. Sam can’t afford to blame others or hold grudges (even if he has a right to) because that just enables his detractors to call him a distraction or a malcontent. Right now, it’s important for Sam to get the message out there that he’s working hard and solely focused on playing football. TheMMQB is a place where that message can reach a lot of people. And if we know anything about Peter King, a willingness to give him exclusive content means he’ll probably be less inclined to trash you in the future.

U2 is the most NFL band of all time and its not even close. But 23 times? Folks when youve seen youre favorite band more often then your own toes youve got a problem. I dont think I would go see Jesus himself 23 times in concert- at that point hes breaking out the new stuff. I came there to here his dads old hits, meanwhile youve got shirtless Rex Ryan next to you going nuts and mouthing all the word’s when hes talking about bathing a homeless guys feet. Not my scene.

-Andy Dalton was named to the Pro Bowl for the second time in his career, replaceing Aaron Rodgers who apparently cares more about his leg then the hearts of adoring NFL fans. Of course having 6 QBs drop out ahead of Dalton somewhat helped his cause, but I think its a classic Red Hairring to distract people from the fact that the game isnt even be played in Hawaii this year, but rather in Arizona. Hoping Sherrif Joe will have Daltons 2014 statline pulled over on supsicion of illegal immegrration from the 1970s.

-But the real reason Dalton made it is because Elite Joe Flacco literaly declined the invitaton to represent the Ravens in his first Pro Bowl. He turned the opportunity down to be with his pregnant spouse which is a rinkydink excuse , you dont throw with your wifes uterus I beleve the medical evidence will back be up on this. But I have to admit it might be a good idea for him to sit this one out given January crowds in Arizona typicaly dont have the best reputaton when it comes to treating Representatives all that politeley.

“That’s God setting it up, to make it so dramatic, so rewarding, so special,” he said, alone for a moment in the locker room before heading out for the night.

Oh those 4 INTs were when God was just testing you Russell? How arragant can you be? Heres the difference between Tom Brady and Russel Wilson for all you Bible scolars out there- one says “Do Your Job” and the other says “I am Job.”

Cam Newton is fairly insufferable. There will be no celebratory photos next weekend.
— Dan Hanzus (@DanHanzus) January 4, 2015

Dan Hanzus, described by his Twitter bio as “a solid 7.5/10 on the human decency scale” is taking umbrage with the fact that Cam Newton disgraced himself, the league, and the Carolina Panthers by celebrating on the sideline with his team before time expired in today’s Wild Card matchup with the Cardinals. Never mind that this is Cam Newton’s first playoff win and a very important step forward in his NFL career, smiling has no place on the football field (unless you’re, like, Peyton Manning or John Elway or Brett Favre or something).

Now, as draconian and anti-fun as that tweet seems, it’s important to note that Hanzus isn’t the only guy out there that feels this way about our dear Cam-cam. The question needs to be asked: What the hell will everyone’s favorite nuggetologist Peter King do if the Panthers win the Super Bowl?

Lucky for us we have an enchanted, possibly demonic arcane device allowing us to answer just that. Let’s take a look.

Glendale, Ariz. 11:48 PM.

1 minute, 35 seconds to go. It was a brisk 42 degrees, cold for the Arizonans in the stands used to 60 degree lows in February. You wouldn’t know it looking at Cam Newton.

Having just come off the field after extending the Panthers’ lead over the Patriots to a neat 17 points, he knew his job was all but done. He ran to the stands, took out his phone, and took a “selfie” with a few fans in the front row wearing his jersey. He was about to win the Super Bowl.

He glanced up at the press box, knowing that his job was done, that up here, we had seen what he had just done. A career day for Newton, passing for over 300 yards and rushing for 100. 4 touchdowns on the day. Any questions lingering in our minds should have been answered. This man had just won the Super Bowl.

Leadership. Cam Newton has it.

But is it enough?

We live in an age of change, I know that more than anyone. Everyone is connected. Cam Newton’s celebration shouldn’t seem out of place in this brave new world. But something about it seems odd.

Does taking your phone out to commemorate achieving a life-long goal make Cam Newton a narcissist? Does taking a “selfie” with fans after making football history cheapen and poison the game of football we know and love?

I don’t know the answer to these questions.But something about his actions leave a bitter, unsweetened-coffee-taste in my mouth. Watching the game next to my good friend Tony Dungy, we both had the same question: Who is the real Cam Newton? The athletic beast of a quarterback who led the Panthers on an historic playoff run and savaged a stout Patriots defense in the Super Bowl, or the immature, fun loving young man who doesn’t return my calls and is therefore incapable of leading his team?

I don’t know.

FACTOID OF THE WEEK THAT MAY INTEREST ONLY ME

Cam Newton’s on-field prowess seems not to have any sort of negative correlation with the amount of on-field celebrations he performs, or his willingness to talk to media. Weird!

TEN THINGS I THINK I THINK

1. Cam Newton needs to decide whether he’s going to be talented or whether he’s going to visibly and emphatically enjoy the game. You don’t see great quarterbacks like Peyton Manning celebrating like that. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

2. Even though the Panthers just won the Super Bowl, I don’t think Cam’s job is safe. Ron Riviera might want to opt for a new franchise QB that can lead the team to a Super Bowl.

3. I don’t see Cam doing that.

4. Even though he just did.

5. I mean, this is a fluke, right? It was all the defense, right? It was all Kuechly! Yeah! Kuechly had a great game. Cam has to stop relying on his defense to make stops for him.

6. For Cam to be able to lead his team while simultaneously celebrating and enjoying the game with an unbridled, childlike enthusiasm… It’s a fluke. He can’t be a good leader. If he was, that would mean…

7. Oh god.

8. Oh god, it’s all pointless.

9. I… what am I doing?

10. Luke Kuechly: Class. Act.

COFFEENERDNESS

No, uh, no, not yet. Let’s keep talking about Luke Kuechly? Please? He had a great game! 2 sacks and a tipped pass! That’s gotta be how they did it. I bet Luke Kuechly wouldn’t give me lip when I hem and haw at the Starbucks line about how I really shouldn’t be ordering that 3rd grande white chocolate mocha because of what my new nutritionist told me. He’s just a class act. It’s leadership like that that wins Super Bowls. Not Cam Newton’s, and not his record-setting stat line oh god stop make it stop it hurts

BEERNERDNESS

Credit Steel Reserve out of Irwindale, CA: When you want a drink to make you forget that one night that challenged your most deeply held beliefs about your life’s work, the sports media, and indeed, the game of football itself, their high gravity Camo Ice American Lager works wonders! It’s a bit over 10% ABV, and it has a smooth, nutty flavor to it since I poured mine into a pitcher and added 10 pumps of nutmeg coffee flavoring syrup to it. I finished mine much quicker than you might think. Watch out, guys. This beer can be kinda dangerous. Highly recommended!

So the sad-sack Bills got a sad-sack win over the sad-sack Week 17 version of the Patriots, breaking a sad-sack record of 13 straight losses in New England to the Patriots. Still, it wasn’t enough to break their 15-year playoff drought, because they shat themselves against the Raiders last week. Poetic.

One guy called me over to show me the Ralph Wilson tattoo he just had etched on his arm this off-season, in tribute to the late Hall of Fame owner of the team. “E.J. [Manuel]!! I love you!!”

He played 5 games and threw for 838 yards, 5 TDs and 4 turnovers.

Not to be outdone, another fellow yelled to the second-round Alabama tackle, Cyrus Kouandjio, who’d hoped to be a first-round pick last May, “Hey Cyrus! Prove everyone wrong buddy! We’re gonna road-grade people this year!!!”

A healthy inactive at the end of the season.

There was a happy vibe because of music. The Bills, following the lead of the Super Bowl champion Seahawks, played loud tunes—U2, Macklemore, Eminem, Black Eyed Peas, House of Pain—for more than half the practice. Coach Doug Marrone’s a fan of practice music, which Seattle’s used in the Carroll era.

As it turns out, it was excellent football players in ADDITION to the music that was key to winning, apparently. Duly noted.

There were other reasons to be excited. Running back Bryce Brown, supposedly a spare part acquired in a trade with Philadelphia, ran like he had rockets in his shoes.

Also a healthy inactive.

Former first-round corner Stephon Gilmore covered like the franchise guy he was drafted to be. New linebacker Brandon Spikes played with passion. “I just wish we had pads on today,’’ he said. “I am so ready.’’

Wanna guess? Yep. He’s inactive. Although he did have a concussion.

I’ve been coming to Bills camp most summers since their decline began. This is a better team than most if not all of the teams the Bills have fielded since their last playoff season, 1999.

Nice prediction, Petey, you idio– BUT WAIT! THERE’S A QUALIFICATION!

It’s a group that can win now if the quarterback plays at a B-plus level. If Manuel’s a C player, Buffalo won’t win. It’s simple.

See! He was right all along by not actually having an opinion! Suck it, haters.

]]>http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2014/12/the-bills-finally-beat-the-patriots-on-the-road-after-14-years-and-also-disprove-peter-kings-non-prediction-prediction.html/feed7How to draw Peter Kinghttp://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2014/11/how-to-draw-peter-king.html
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2014/11/how-to-draw-peter-king.html#commentsFri, 14 Nov 2014 14:36:36 +0000http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=97462Peter King. KissingSuzyKolber’s public enemy number one. No site has dedicated itself so thoroughly to the critique of this “man”. This popular sports writer and legend in the Sports Illustrated offices. No mistake, flub or hackjob has gone unpunished by this site, a site Peter King once claimed he no longer reads because it made him sad. That Peter King.

Despite Mr. King’s unparalleled access to the NFL that he squanders by writing page after page about his irrelevant movie opinions, his coffee sampling, and his craft beer trying, I have decided to take this drawing lesson seriously. I will not mock Peter King, despite his tendency to be unknowingly racist, his page after page about his adventures in getting his colon checked (in a football column), his obvious desire to not rock the boat and say what THE SHIELD wants him to say. I will not do this. I will be the better man. I will take on this lesson with the utmost maturity that the man deserves. He is human, he is just like you and me. I will not demean him. If you wish to see me make disgusting jokes at King’s expense, you’ve come to the wrong place. With that said, lets learn how to draw Peter King!

Wow, Kissing Suzy Kolber. This really brings me back. So quaint back then– we were so naive and unaware, having fun on our little island on the internet. Little did we know that in a few short months, we’d all be a part of something beautiful.

But I guess you have no idea what I’m talking about, so I’ll start from the beginning.

Immediately after the Super Bowl in 2014, Peter King will buy Kissing Suzy Kolber and fully integrate it into The MMQB. It’ll be a big change, and it’ll take a bit of getting used to. There will be some kinks that need working out, but after SI staff implants those microchips into our brains, everything runs a lot smoother and the site gets bigger than it’s ever been.

Later in the offseason, Peter King and Roger Goodell announce their intention to leave their wives and families and marry, culminating years of fantasy by both parties, and indeed the football world at large, in a gigantic, nutmeg-tinged wedding the likes of which the world will have never seen.

Goodell’s sudden, tragic death due to complications from MRSA will shock us all, and though he was an imperfect commissioner, without his aid, football would not have been made into the unstoppable machine it is today. If there is a silver lining to be found in the premature death of Goodell, it is that on his deathbed, Goodell will bequeath the commissioner’s seat to Peter King.

The dawn of the PKFL will be the greatest achievement in sporting history, and Peter King’s sweeping changes to the sport will usher in a new era, a simpler, more pure, more innocent age of football. King’s decision to relocate each football team to a city in New England will make covering football games for The MMQB much easier, as will King’s decision to play every game at Fenway Park. It is a beautiful game that King has created.

At 5:30 AM this past Wednesday, I left my Boston apartment to walk two blocks to cover the New England Patriots host the Vermont Blizzard. I settled into the press box just in time for the 6 AM kickoff, broadcast on NBC Sports Network. The sun was just rising, tinging the sky with pink and red as the coin was tossed high into the autumn air.

I readied myself by tapping my personal keg of Allagash White and kicking my legs up in one of the many extra-wide leather recliners provided to us in the MMQB press box. A friendly barista came by to offer me a frappucino, which I gladly accepted.

The players took the field in the new PKFL-approved gametime gear: a baseball cap and leather pads. While the removal of the helmet from the gameday equipment was controversial at first, studies will prove that concussions will drop by a staggering 100% after the change, while significantly raising the fatality rate only for certain non-essential positions such as wide receiver and running back.

Tom Brady will march the Patriots downfield, opening up an early lead against the Blizzard, a feat made all the more impressive given the fact that His Hoppiness had made quick slants and curl routes illegal a short two weeks before this game was played. The Pats’ offensive line will stand tall, refusing to allow the Blizzard to reach the flags hanging from Brady’s belt and sack him.

However, J.J. Watt and the Vermont defense would quickly make a stand, and due to a rule change that awards points based on the amount of time defenders are able to stay on the field after losing more than a pint of blood in the course of gritty, tenuous play, will come away with the upset.

As time expires, we will stand up from our recliners and, following the time-honored MMQB tradition of giving Brett Favre a quick blowie one by one, we will make our way down to the field. The players congregate near midfield, shaking each other’s hands while wiping the sweat, dirt, and blood from their brows. They toss their grime-caked hats into the stands to screaming children who will cherish them for ages. Tom Brady and J.J. Watt share a hug before Watt is carted off to the hospital for an infusion.

Gisele brought orange slices for everyone.

I don’t expect you to understand this fully, having not seen what I have. But the PKFL is truly the greatest thing that will ever happen to sports in all of our lifetimes.

Oh, speaking of, Christmas Ape– if you’re reading this, know we all miss you and wish you were here. I write this letter to you so that you might know what happens in the future, since you will not be able to see it yourself, given that tragic, unexplained accident that happened to you right after Peter King bought your site.

So chin up, folks. The future is bright.

The Farewell Haiku:

The PKFL

Is the future of football

I’ll see you all there!

Yours,

RobotsFightingDinosaurs

Author’s Note: Immediately following this email, two subsequent emails appeared in our tip inbox. We have reproduced those below as well.

We had a lot of fun coming up with terrible titles for novels, so we are doing the same for Peter King’s new website. The idea comes via commenter Small Man On Campus, who figured we could do even better than SI’s current placeholder, Kinglandia. Tall order. Venti order. Lofty order. Let’s do it.

1. CC – MAYBETOWN

I feel like the web address won’t work unless you enter it in all caps.

Matt’s pick sounds like something the Bluth Company will try to build in the new season.

2. Sarah – Kings Kastle Of Football Krumpets And Maple Grits

No explanation from Sarah, but like many of her posts, it makes me hungry.

Draft Recap: We came up with some pretty solid (terrible) suggestions, even if clownpenis.fart was left on the cutting room floor. If anyone reading knows anybody at SI feel free to pass them on. Still, Kinglandia might be too good/bad to not keep permanently.

Add your own in the comments if you didn’t do so on the post earlier this week.

This morning, Chris Mortensen went on “Mike and Mike in the Morning” to say that the seven teams who fired their head coaches on Monday shouldn’t overlook Jon Gruden as a potential coaching candidate. Like all things Mort does, this was not actual reporting. You can’t even count it as his usual speculation, devoid of insight or corroboration. This was a suggestion. Something Mort thinks should happen. And no one cares what Mort thinks should happen.

Of course, people have been murmuring about the possibility of Jon Gruden’s return for some time, so ProFootballTalk cynically parlayed Mort’s bullshit into a post that suggests that there is actual progress as it relates to Gruden’s return to coaching. In reality, Mort was just talking out of his ass. He knows nothing. But ESPN and PFT know how to play the game of getting people talking about nothing as though it’s actually something.

Finally, Peter King tweeted a link to that PFT article and presented it as proof that Gruden is likely to return as a coach next week. Gruden might eventually end up returning, but that article proves nothing more than cynical traffic and ratings grabs can easily fool even the loftiest of veteran football writers. Who knows how many more outlets will run with the Gruden speculation as though it’s a substantial thing. Because we get the horrible NFL media we deserve.

Awhile back a reader asked if I could post a recipe that would pair with Peter King’s beloved Allagash White, the craft Belgiam-style white ale. Witbiers often get knocked around by beer snobs thanks to the mass production of beers like Blue Moon, but Allagash puts out a decent white ale. Personally, I prefer their Curieux strong ale which is barrel aged in old bourbon casks, but this recipe isn’t about my tastes, it’s about PK’s beer.

If you cannot get your hands on Allagash White, look in the import section for Blanche De Bruxelles. This Belgiam white ale’s iconic label features the image of little boy pissing, styled after a famous fountain in — you guessed it — Brussels, which has many fine Starwoods for you to stay in if you want to join the throng of tourists who pose with the statue. I actually had a chance visit Brussels last year to see some friends living abroad and it was quite lovely. And while we stayed in a Sofitel and not a Starwood, our stay was still very pleasant. Went to the museum of music instruments, had one of the best meals of my life in a small French restaurant next a farm in a village just outside of Waterloo, got drunk, saw a mini pony. Just lovely. Both of my friends living there talked about the extreme lengths they went to see American football, traveling halfway across the country to find a bar open for the Super Bowl. My good friend Andrea even had a secondary satellite hookup that allowed her to get the Middle Eastern sports package, which was the only way she could watch Steeler games on a regular basis.

But I digress, just as one does when making a recipe styled around Peter King.

When cooking for a lighter bodied beer, you want something spicy but not overpowering. Lemon to match the citrus, heat to pair with the herbal undertones of the white ale. I settled on this particular way of making shrimp for Mr. King because there a fair amount of work that goes into the dish. Think of the time standing and deveining shrimp as the very long MMQ column, because at some point you will think to yourself, “Why am I doing this? This is a lot of work.” And then the brief cooking time after all of that work? That’s his short amount of on-air time during Sunday Night Football.

Peel and devein the shrimp, leaving the tails on. If you have never prepped shrimp before, you might want to check out this video from the nice people at Serious Eats. This is a long, arduous process and probably my least favorite kitchen task. It’s so time consuming — even if you do it quickly — I recommend resting a medium-sized clean bowl in a large bowl of ice water to place the cleaned shrimp in so they stay cool during prep.

If you are the sort that likes to make seafood soup, chowder or risotto, freeze the shells to make a shrimp stock with later.

Once your shrimp have been cleaned, thinly slice your lemons and evenly line the cooking sheets with them. Reserve 1/2 to one whole lemon for juice, depending on the size of the lemon. Juice the remaining lemon for 2-3 tablespoons of lemon juice.

Melt the butter and mix together with the lemon juice, garlic, shallots, red chili flakes, Sriracha and cracked pepper.

Evenly spread the cleaned shrimp on top of the sliced lemons the pour the lemon, butter and pepper sauce over the shrimp.

Cook at 350º for 15 minutes, turning the shrimp halfway through baking.

Once done, transfer the lemons and and shrimp onto a large platter. Drizzle some of the remaining lemon-butter sauce from the the bottom of the pan over the shrimp and top with a handful of chopped cilantro. Yields about 50-60 shrimp, enough for 5-6 people.

Serve with Allagash White. If you would like your experience to be authentic, start taking notes during the game, write down a bunch of stats and start working on your Monday opus.

Need more football watching-centric recipe ideas? Find the complete archive of Football Foodie recipes here, and all recipes that have appeared on KSK here.

In the waning moments of the Patriots blowout of the Jets, Cris Collinsworth and Al Michaels filled air time with their discussion of who would win the privilege to feast on turducken for being the players of the game. A discussion that would normally be fairly useless, except that Collinsworth used the moment to say that someone should keep Peter King away from the turducken because PK is a disgusting voracious foodstuff dumpster. Okay, that was slightly more harsh than the way Collinsworth phrased it, but I assume that’s what he meant.