Liza Long column: Let's move beyond my viral essay

Liza Long

A week ago, I posted a piece entitled "Thinking the Unthinkable" on my blog. When my friend Nathaniel Hoffman, editor of the Blue Review, mentioned that the piece might resonate with people in the wake of the horrific shooting in Newtown, Conn., I agreed to let him publish it.

The rest is Internet history. My essay went viral, but soon so did the criticism. I didn't expect my words to impact so many people. But it quickly became clear that my story was not one mother's story - but a story that millions of other mothers and children and families are living.

At the end of my blog post, I called for a national conversation on the subject of mental health. I hope the discussion that my impassioned piece sparked will swell through families, communities and our nation.

I don't know what the solutions are. But I know my family is not alone in our struggles to obtain effective treatment for this disease. According to the National Institute of Mental Health:

? One in five children in the United States has a diagnosed mental disorder (the most common is ADHD).

? During a 12-month period, 60 percent of people with diagnosed mental disorders receive no treatment at all.

And mental health is still hard to talk about. To critics who say that I have harmed my child by talking about his condition, I say: If I had written a blog post about my son's struggles with cancer, would you be saying the same thing?

In search of solutions

In order to find solutions for mental illness, we have to talk about it. I believe my words resonated so strongly because so many parents and children are struggling to find their own way to say "I need help." And so many parents in my situation know that too often, help is not readily available.

What do we need?

First, we need access to medical care. If you or your child is suffering with a mental disorder, it's essential that you seek treatment from a qualified mental health professional as soon as possible. Early diagnosis and treatment improves outcomes. Medications, when used appropriately, can help to manage many conditions. Behavior modification therapy and occupational therapy can also be effective.

Second, we need appropriate public education for children with mental disorders. My son is fortunate to attend a self-contained program for children with behavioral issues. His teachers, counselors and psychosocial rehabilitation workers are my heroes. They are actively engaged in teaching life skills through positive reinforcement.

After-school options

Third, we need options for after school and summer care. As a single mother, I have to work to support my family. I do not feel safe leaving my son home alone, but it's hard to find appropriate therapeutic care for him. There are some programs in our area for children ages 5-12 with autism or behavior issues, but they are expensive. Now that my son is a teenager, my options are even more limited.

Fourth, we need to learn to ask for help. Like many parents, I have tried for years to "manage" my son's condition essentially on my own. The emotional anguish of my blog post came out of that space, as a national tragedy sparked a private moment of raw honesty.

Finally, we have to stop blaming ourselves. We are not "bad parents." And, according to therapists, so-called tough love is not an effective way to manage a child with a mental disorder.

As long as we blame ourselves, we will continue to suffer shame in silence.