I awoke the next morning trapped in one of those purgatorial hazes where you need several minutes of mental calibration to reacquaint yourself with your surroundings. Slowly, the realization dawned on me. I was lying on a soiled mattress in a flophouse on the edge of town. I peaked around a corner to find Tammy cooking something in the kitchen, and judging by the smell it wasn’t eggs. I took stock of myself, hoping against hope that in my alcohol and drug induced stupor the night before I hadn’t gone so far as to make as big of a mistake as my current situation would lead me to believe. Just then Tammy came back into the room.

The legend of Robin Hood can be viewed as a reassurance of one’s political ideology. This comes as no surprise, since most partisan ideologues only allow reality to be as it fits their worldview. But Robin Hood has all the makings of a political hero. He robbed the rich to feed the poor and there were taxes and stuff. Depending on your political leanings, you probably view the legend differently. Below details what I surmise a Democrat, Libertarian and Republican would have to say about Sir Robin of Locksley.