Experiencing God’s Power in Stillness

Through God’s leading, I officially joined jnX in 2013. I am so thankful to God for bringing me on to the team. I have always tried to remind myself, “Since God has graced me with so much talent in music and arts, I must use these gifts to serve the Lord.” I remember at my first practice session with jnX, Isabella said to me, “It’s not that easy to serve in jnX, because you will experience many trials.” I replied without hesitation, “When I make my mind up, nothing can really stop me, even more so in serving our Lord.” But this journey was not as simple as I thought.

My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease in 2014, and at the same time, he suffered from depression. Watching his condition worsening with nothing we could do to help, my mother and I were on the verge of collapse. During that period of time, I was responsible for designing the promotional posters for the jnX Quarterly Worship. Because of my father’s condition, there were numerous times that I wanted to give up in designing the posters. But God sovereignly placed this assignment in my hands, as if to teach me this one lesson. The theme of the poster was “I Have Decided.” Every time I broke down in tears and prayed because of my father’s condition, the phrase “I have decided” would always pop into my head and remind me to persevere in serving our Lord. Since I have decided to follow the Lord, there was no looking back, no matter how big the storm gets. Although I was willing, it was not easy to do. Many times I asked God why He put these painful trials on my family. Have I not done enough for You? Because of my father’s illness, I became my mother’s only spiritual support. During that time, she was crying almost every day. To comfort her, I often shared with her how God was leading me, and not to worry, everything will turn out alright. God always has a Plan, and He will heal father. Although she would feel better after our conversation, my own heart often doubted what I had just told her. Even as I kept telling my mother to trust in God, I myself had completely lost all faith.. I always held back my tears in front of my mother, because I knew that if she saw me cry, it would hurt her even more. But, after comforting her, I would often lock myself in my room and cry in secret.

During this difficult time, other jnX members gave me a lot of encouragement. They often asked if I needed any help, praying for me all the time and giving me Bible Scriptures to encourage me. God’s provisions really are wonderful beyond our expectation. During that painful period,I had devotions every day, and almost every time, I came across the same verse: “be still and know I am God”. I now understand that if I want God’s help, it is so simple: be still and God will lead me step by step through any trial. Sometimes we miss how God can help us, because we want to rely on our own ways of doing things, and end up missing the best plans He has for us. When I finally gave up on all my own ways, and offered everything back to God, my mother and I truly saw the power of God. God arranged for my father to enter a very good hospital, and allowed him to get all the proper treatment he needed. Through this experience, my mother and I have much more faith in God. Learning to serve and obey God can be really hard, especially during those times when we cannot see any way out. But now I trust in God, that He will always be there with me and my family, no matter what kind of suffering we may go through. He understands better than anyone else. I always tell my mom, “No matter what happens to us, it is part of God’s great plan; we just do not yet know what blessings may arise out of this.t It is all for us to learn God’s grace”. Life is full of difficulties, and I do not know how many tears I may have to shed in the future. The only thing I am sure of is that God will never give up on me. Lord, I thank you for all the experiences You have given me in my life.