The GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY

or just plain crazy??? I guess that depends on how you look at it. Here I am, already a mother of 3 boys. Three boys that wore plain, ole, regular disposable diapers, ate regular old babyfood, and drank regular old formula. Well, two of them drank formula, my last one was breastfed. Hence, this is also playing into the question about my wisdom and sanity.

But, now I find myself pregnant once again. And I am ecstatic about having another baby. Despite the chapped nipples, mastitis, leaking boobies at the sounds of a baby crying – even if it wasn’t my own, expressing, and a clingy baby that wanted to stay attached to my breast and have nothing to do with Daddy, I will breastfeed this baby just as I did my last son. I never knew that I would enjoy nursing. The closeness I felt to my baby was unmatched to any other feeling in the world. Why hadn’t I thought to do this with my other two boys? Simple…I wasn’t educated about it. But the more I live, the more I grow. The more I grow, the more I learn. And once I have that knowledge I have to make a choice. A choice to do what’s right and good for my family or what’s easy and simple. Well, I learned that simple isn’t always the best.

Which brings me to this post. Along with nursing, S and I have decided to cloth diaper this baby. And that’s not it. We are also considering making our own baby food once the baby starts to eat solids. Now we know we will get many strange looks from our families and friends. Not to mention the questions, “Why are you using cloth diapers?”, “Wouldn’t it be so much easier to use disposables?”, “Who do you think is going to want to change those when you aren’t around?”, “Why would you want to spend so much time washing dirty diapers?”, “How can you stand to carry those stinky diapers in your diaper bag?”, “Why do you go through all of the trouble of making your own baby food?”, “Wouldn’t it be easier and cheaper just to buy regular baby food?” I’m sure the list will go on and on. But our decision isn’t for our families and friends, even though we know they are well intentioned and we love them dearly. Our decision to do these things is for the benefit of our families. There are too many harmful things being put in products that our children come into contact with. I consider myself to be a savvy, educated, dedicated mother and wife. This being the case, I want to provide only the best for my family.

So as I get older, and hopefully wiser, I hope I can continue to make the right choices for my family. And in the meantime, I also hope that I can lovingly request others who question our choices, regardles of how well intentioned they are, to respect our decisions and let us do what’s best for us and our children.

I never knew it had a name. Growing up, my sister and I slept with my mom for years, well into grade school age. And we loved it. So did she. I’m sure she never knew there was a name for it either…

Attachment Parenting International states attachment parenting is about forming and nurturing storng bonds between parents and children.
There are 8 Principle of Attachment Parenting:
* Prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
* Feed with love and respect.
* Respond with sensitivity.
* Use a nurturing touch.
* Engage in nighttime parenting.
* Provide consistent and loving care.
* Practice positive discipline.
* Strive for balance in personal and family life.

My philosophy of parenting falls right in line with these. I guess I can say that I’m trying to do better the more I grow and learn. As the old saying goes: you do better when you know better…or something like that…

As I get older, I’m realizing my view of parenting has changed quite a bit. For one, I no longer like to spank my kids. That is a big change! I mean, if I am going to teach my children not to hit, how am I teaching them that by hitting them? Also, I never thought I would breastfeed. But I did breastfeed K and will breastfeed this baby as well. To add to that, I’m a baby-wearer and we also co-sleep. I guess one would say that I’m a card toting AP parent. And I like the sound of that. One principle that I am working on is responding with sensitivity. I’m a yeller and I hate it. I gotta find a way to change that.

I just don’t know what to do about this daycare situation. I’m torn everytime that I have to take K and leave him there. He absolutely hates being there. Everytime that I take him, he’s crying his eyes out. I mean, when he sees that we’ve made the exit from the freeway he knows we are close and he’s coming out of his carseat and climbing to the front of the car. So, I don’t have to say what’s happening by the time we turn into the parking lot of the center. Talk about emotional! By the time I drop him off both of us are crying. I usually leave in just enough time to drop him off and then get to work. If I had more time, I know that I’d be taking him back to Meme’s.

He only goes two days a week. And I know that it is best for him to go right now since I do work, so playgroups and mommy’s day outs are out of the question for us. He has to go for the social interaction more than anything else. I know that we waited too long to let him start, but I was comfortable with him being taken care of by Meme instead of a daycare center. But now he is preschool age and needs to learn to play and socialize with other children in order to be ready for school next year. I know that he starts to enjoy himself once he’s there because he comes home singing the songs and talking about his day. But I just wish he would adjust better to better there.

Today, I hung around a little since I’m off of work. I was able to sit and calm him down a little bit more. I also wanted to see how they interacted with him. I mean, I don’t think that they mistreat him, especially since Genesis goes there and Roxey wouldn’t dare have kept her there as long as she has if she suspected mistreatment. His teacher spoke to him immediately and started to encourage him to come be a part of the group. She asked if he wanted to eat breakfast and he answered “no.” I told her he’d eaten already. After I left his area, I kind of hung out in the hallway and peeped in to see exactly what happens once I leave. He stopped crying a minute or so afterwards, which is what he typically does. His teacher asked him if he needed to potty and led him to the restroom. I could hear her as she praised him for using the toilet like a big boy and asked him to pull his pants back up. She sounded like she really cared about how he felt. They then went back into the room and she asked him to sit next to her at the table. She asked him if he was ok and he replied “yes.” But his body language said just the opposite! His shoulders slouched as he walked, his face was long – pouty lips and all, and he drug himself to the table and slowly sat down. My heart broke and I almost ran back inside to grab my baby and bring him back home. But I couldn’t! We have to do this. It will be better for him in the long run. That’s what I keep telling myself hoping it will make me feel better. It doesn’t. My heart still hurts because I left him. I feel like the worse mommy in the world. Who says that my baby won’t be just as adjusted or even more when he goes to school if he doesn’t go to daycare? Can’t the nurturing love of a family member provide enough encouragement and instill enough excitement in wanting to go to school next year when he’s more ready? I believe this also. But in the big scheme of it all, Meme needs some time to herself. And K is becoming alot more rambunctious. And did I mention he can run really fast! And the point I hate to think about is, Meme IS getting older and she’s having to give K too much of her attention since he doesn’t nap as much anymore. She needs a break.

So, until summer vacation, this is what we have to do. I know K will start to get adjusted sooner or later. I just hope his adjustment come sooner rather than later.