Donita Wiebe-Neufeld, a pastor at First Mennonite Church Edmonton, reflects on the Lectionary passages each week in preparation for life and worship. Reader reflections are welcome.

Monday, 12 January 2015

Who is responsible?

Lectionary Passages for Jan. 25, 2015

1 Sam. 3:1-20, Psalm 139:1-6, 13-18, 1 Cor. 6:12-20, John
1:43-51

This week I heard a story of a teenager’s bad decision.
Apparently, friends had dared him to put his lock onto a piece of the school’s
sprinkler system. It set off the system and caused significant damage in the
school. The parents were held liable to the tune of $40,000.00

The
incident raises a lot of questions about who should be held responsible.

In
Samuel, Eli’s house is; “punished forever…because his sons were blaspheming God
and he did not restrain them.” Verse 13. Eli’s sons were self centered and “in it for
the perks”. As priests they were living high at the expense of their people. Eli
had reprimanded his sons (read chapter 2 for the details) and they refused to
listen to him. The punishment seems
overly harsh, after all, how much power did Eli have to stop his adult sons?
They were in an inherited position and seemingly only accountable to
themselves. Did Eli do all he could? When is a parent’s job done?

As a
parent, Eli’s heart must have been breaking through all of this. What is a
parent to do? At some point a child becomes responsible for themselves and the
consequences of their decisions, but where is that point? Where is the point at
which the parent is free of the consequences of their child’s actions?

Parents
are never truly free. While they may not have legal obligations to house or
feed or pay for their child after a certain age, the obligations and ties of
the heart are not limited by age. It is excruciating for parents to watch
children make decisions that go against their beliefs and values. They second
guess themselves and experience guilt feelings, they hurt for the heartaches
they see coming, they feel crippled or powerless in responding to their adult
child. There is a delicate balancing act between the crucial maintenance of relationship
and the actions of holding the child accountable.

On top
of all of his suffering, Eli is told (by a child not his own, a child he is
mentoring) that he is to be punished along with his sons.

Eli is
an old man. He is overweight, nearly blind, and in emotional distress over the
choices of his sons. He’s already under a terrible load when he gets this news
of the obliteration of his family from the priesthood and from life itself.

Eli’s
response is humbling. He could have made Samuel’s life horrible, after all,
Samuel’s report may have felt insolent. Who wants to be condemned by a child,
your own student? Eli, however, says; “it is the Lord, let him do what seems
good to him.” He completely gives himself to God. He continues to nurture
Samuel. He continues to serve the people of Israel when there truly is nothing
in it for himself.

I’m a
parent too. I do my best and know that it may not be enough. My sons
will eventually make their own choices and, if I disagree, I will be unable to
do anything except voice my concern. How much am I responsible for then? How
will I respond?

Eli’s example is challenging and inspiring. He is
condemned for not stopping his sons which infers that there was a time he could
have done more than just talk. There are times for hard action. Then, there are
also times when all we can do is talk and pray that the child will listen. At
that point, I hope I am able to be like Eli and accept what God wills. It was a
brutal situation for Eli, but in accepting the consequences, he stopped the
cycle of dysfunction. He let go of the hopes for a priestly succession in his
family and he actively helped Samuel become the priest that God’s people
needed.

I don’t know if the “sprinkler kids” parents
should have to pay $40,000.00 I think maybe they should-but that's pretty harsh too.