Pope's itinerary to the UK marred by bad grammar

Pope Benedict XVI's visit to the UK has resulted in Scotland being beatified due to a grammatical error.

The original itinerary stated that: "..the Pope would take in Birmingham as part of the planned beatification of Cardinal John Newman and Scotland."

It was only after the trip had been sanctioned, organised and the speeches written that a missing comma was noticed. It should have read:

"...take in Birmingham, as part of the planned beatification of Cardinal John Newman, and Scotland."

The comma after John Newman, it turned out, changed the whole meaning of the sentence from an indication of why the Pope is visiting Birmingham, into meaning the Pope was now beatifying a nation.

The Italian translator has since been sacked, excommunicated and called a nancy boy.

"It is a bit of a disaster," stated Papal Spokesman Katherine O'Lick. "There hasn't been a mistake like this since a donkey was made into a saint instead of Don Quixote. However, it is too late to do anything about it, so every Scottish person is now guaranteed a place in heaven."

Meanwhile, Scotland is celebrating it's new beatific status.

"Och aye," said a stereotypical Scotsman. "It's a canny day for the Scots, that's one up yer England! We can do what we like, we can, and we'll still be in Heaven afore ye!"

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