Tag: black women

As I grow older my value of myself and things that I encompass increases and so does the duties and the work to ensure that the ones that I surround myself with are true.

We come in contact with many people throughout our lives and we enter into various types of relationships and friendships along the way. In going through the stages of life we must learn to discern what value these interactions hold. Not every bad relationship or friendship was or will be a waste. There was and will be a lesson to be learned in the good and the bad. Some lessons are just not as obvious as others. Me mindful of the company you keep and the company you are to others for just as you can unknowingly welcome bad company to the table so can you be the bad company that showed up to be seated. At every intersection there is a choice of which direction you should go. Try to take the one that leads you to where you are welcomed and want to be when you get there.

Time is a precious thing don’t waste it chasing those that don’t want to be caught. Some people are just mirages of what you thought was worthy of an invitation into your life. Never sacrifice your joy or your future for those that would just as well stand by and applaud your pain and misfortunes.

Live, love and laugh but keep in mind that just as you want others to be to you, you should also be to others…the road travels in both directions.

Often times we come into situations and experiences with people that leave our hearts and our homes in disarray. The challenge to coming out of these experiences and situations with our sanity and not having our lives become complete and utter chaos, is learning to identify the lesson. Making a conscience decision to find new joy on the other end. It is not always easy and we have to want to return to our happy place bad enough to allow the healing. I believe that people come into our lives for various reasons, some are good and some are not. Some are meant to stay for a spell and some are meant to remain for a life time, but whatever the reason for their visit we have to be open and cognizant of the lessons the are learned while they were there. Even in the most devastating and horrific battles of life there is the opportunity for growth and renewal, but it is up to us each individually to cease those opportunities of renewal and growth in order for the bliss and wonderful waves of renewed glory to occur.

It seems that our justice system is tremendously flawed and in a dire need of an overhaul. There are far too many laws on the books that are sexually biased and unfitting of today’s society and technological advancements. It seems that most laws are created without much of a well thought out plan for the “what ifs” and “maybes” of a growing community. In the case of rape, it appears that the plans are to protect and appease the rapist and persecute the victim of rape. The most recent episode of “This is Life with Lisa Ling” showcased how too often the victim of rape is forced to relive her rape over and over again, while the rapist is treated with the most concern and appeasement for his feelings and undue rights. I feel that regardless of a plea bargain or a rape classification, if a person is convicted of rape, he should not have any rights related to the child that was created from that rape. I was very shocked when I heard of this and made it a point not to miss this episode. There were so many emotions that poured over me while I watched these women as they told the story of their rape and how now they are forced into co-parenting and the ongoing interaction that they must endure with their rapist. I was confused, angry, sad, confused and then angry all over again. What were these judges thinking? Aren’t judges allowed a certain air of common sense interjection? Again, what the hell were they thinking?

The thing that confused me the most with this issues is: if either of those ladies were dating a man that had been convicted of rape and had a child from a previous relationship, and then decided to live with that man with her child, one could argue that she should be charged with child endangerment. Why? Because, she brought her child into a situation that could present a threat or danger to his/her well-being. How is this any different from allowing a man who fathered a child through rape parental rights or not to mention unsupervised visits with the child? Are we crazy? Does it take a genius to realize that this shit is stupid? How is that going to affect the child later on? While during every visit the rape victim has to pray that their child is not in any danger because there is nothing that they can do to prevent it. With each visit they are raped all over again but this time it is by our judicial system. There has to be a better answer.

Why is being faithful to someone such a hard and complicated task? People can come up with several dozen reasons on why they cheated but very few seem to be able to explain why they chose to cheat instead of just leaving the relationship. Those that can explain when pressed, can generally only come up with selfish reasons for their infidelity. They always had the choice to leave instead of cheating and hurting the one they “love” yet their choice was to cheat.

Is the rise in divorce and broken homes the result of our lack luster approach to relationships? Everyone seems to go into a relationship with an exit strategy. Even before the I dos are done and the ink is dry on the marriage certificate one or both partners have already laid out how they plan to “be okay” if this does not work out. No one seems to be really in it for the long haul. Relationships are work, marriages are hard work and you have to be committed to work through the pitfalls and the rainy days in order to appreciate the sunshine and drank the lemonade.

We must learn that cheating shows that you no longer respect are value the relationship that we are in. If you know in your heart that you are not going to be faithful, then be honest with yourself and the person that you are with and don’t bamboozle them into thinking that you will be. There are way too many people that share your same lack of commitment that you can go hook up with. Furthermore, there are too many diseases and crazy people in the world for you to be so reckless and selfish that you would put someone that has placed their heart in your hands at risk for what usually amounts to a worthless ass booty call.

When it comes to a woman’s right to use oral contraception, to have or not to have a child we have to remember that these are choices that should neither be taken lightly or selfishly. Over the years this discussion has been one that has divided households and left us playing GOD. I believe that every life should have the right to become a life and live. However, I do not profess to know all the answers and I feel that sometimes we get so caught up in pushing our own agendas to the point that no one is listening to each other and the real problems and consequences are never addressed.

We as Americans have a very beautiful and rewarding life in that we actually have the opportunities to vote and weigh in on most subjects and laws that we are governed by. An opportunity that most people in other countries would never ever have the power to do. Yet we take these privileges for granted. Those of us deemed as the rich and powerful use them to take advantage of those that are not as economically advantaged to lay down our own “Law of the Land” and create a freedom that we dictate based on our own prejudices and beliefs.