Truth be told, I never had much time for the Balls Of Steel-era Dawn Porter, but my appreciation for the Porter really took flight when she got her own BBC 3 seriesof documentaries last year. Unapologetically candid and real, the documentaries explored lesbianism, being single, childbirth, nudity and the much maligned Size Zero debate. Dawn is, quite frankly, a lethal combination of doe-eyed sexiness and quirky, unassuming sass. On top of all else, she rides a folding bike and is an Aquarian, therefore rendering her pretty much perfect in my eyes. Arguably one of the most natural and charming TV presenters out there, Dawn is the sort of girl that would make truly drinking company. Good old Dawn would be the saucy, bat-yer-lashes yin to my violently smutty, X-rated yang. I’d be going on about my gagging-for-it cuntflaps, curved cocks, gay porn, double penetration and the like; she’d blush, peer coyly over the rim of her Pimms & Lemonade and in her cute, posh Veruca Salt voice, say something cheeky like, ‘Actually, they’re called fanny-flaps, Leigh’. You can tell I’ve had a think about this, right?

You can’t not have a girl-crush on someone whose name is Diablo Cody. When the opening credits started for Juno – hands down, the best film of last year – I couldn’t wait to get out of the cinema and Google the heck out of this person on the strength of her moniker (her real name, Brooke Busey, makes her sound like a prissy, bitchy prom queen in a John Hughes film). Imagine my delight, surprise (and, oh Jesus, cold-blooded envy) when she turned out to be a foxy babe in the LA-rockabilly vein. I love those kind of broads, all jet-black fringes and tatty leopard print coats. Not only is Diablo a sort of glamorous, old-Hollywood throwback; her writing kicks serious ass. Say what you will about its Degrassi Junior High teen speak, but Juno has as whip-smart, perfectly-pitched and touchingly funny a script as you’ll find anywhere. Still, as much as I love Diablo, I do have to take points off for her watery Oscar acceptance speech. That’s the other thing: I really was downright jealous of her Oscar dress, and indeed of her Oscar win. She didn’t even have to fuck sing with Glen Hansard to get it.

Dita Von Teese me hoop…Immodesty – sturdily created in the original burlesque tradition – is a proper ridebag. Much like me, this lass – born Kelly Fletcher – has plenty of junk in the trunk. (Hell, what am I talking about? I have junk in the backseat, the bonnet, the glove compartment. Fuck, even my air fresheners have junk on ‘em. Anyway). On top of being endlessly sexy, Immodesty has a devilish glint in her eye that suggests that she too might be a rather fun girl to down cocktails with. What’s more, in addition to becoming the world’s most smoulderingly sexy burlesque dancer, she’s also written two novels. Is there no end to the wagon’s talents, I ask you?

The one thing I adore about Julie Burchill is the fact that she could – and readily would, without much provocation – eat a young one like me for breakfast. Seriously, The Burchill would probably pick a fight with her own shadow – you have to dig girls like that. It’s not so much Burchill’s colourful and strong opinions that do it for me – girls who rail against boys and Daily Mail readers are a dime a dozen, after all – but it’s the way she undercuts her vitriol with this puny, girly voice. It’s incredible, really. Float like a Minnie Mouse, sting like a motherfucking bee. Still, imagine getting on the right side of The Burchill though…how incredible and gratifying an experience would that be? One of my favourite Burchill rants was aimed at housewives who bang about making ‘a contribution’ while watching Jeremy Kyle all day: “it’s just tidying up after yourself!” she once squeaked. Brilliant. Yet for all those perfectly-pitched pot-shots, Julie came a little unstuck when she became particularly vocal while defending chavs, and celebrated her own chav existence. Yet surely she knows that marrying boys called Cosmo and writing for the Guardian does not a chav make?

Good old Merril Niskel. I love the fact that Peaches used to be a schoolteacher and coined the phrase ‘hermaphrodite envy’…what’s not to like? Also, can you believe this girl is 41? Hot feckin’ dang! There’s something about her caustic , tough-as-boots sexuality that really cranks my proverbial chain. I should imagine that going down on Peaches would probably be not dissimilar to sticking your tongue on a car battery. And I do mean that in the best way possible.

You can keep your Zadie Smiths and your Cate Blanchetts…Floria Sigismondi is, bar none, the most talented person in possession of a fanny out there. You may know some of her music videos: she has directed ‘Untitled 1 (Vaka)’ for Sigur Ros, ‘Obstacle 1’ for Interpol and, famously, ’The Beautiful People’ for Marilyn Manson. In fact, she’s largely responsible for much of the latter’s imagery.

Her elaborate books of photography are like crack-fuelled space shuttle trips for your eyes. The daughter of Italian opera singers, this Canadian is responsible for some of the most incredible goth/Victoriana imagery out there. Steely, original and uncompromising, Floria describes her images as “entropic underworlds inhabited by tortured souls and omnipotent beings.” Oof!On top of that, Floria is a bit of an imposing babe herself. Some girls have all the luck.

I think I’m beginning to see a pattern to my girl crushes – they are all multi-talented, alpha-females who can (probably) drink like fish, curse like sailors and might go off like a pocket of firecrackers in the scratcher. Being from Canada and having a sexy fake name: optional.

I love Rosario Dawson (even though she was in Sin City: she seems really smart and cool, she’s a feminist, she started an organisation for young girls in New York’s Lower East Side, where she grew up. And she’s ridiculously hot.

Christina Martinez from Boss Hogg – gorgeous, a brilliant show-woman, smart and stylish (she was the fashion director for Bust for a while). Also married to one of the hottest men in the world, but that just makes their collective hotness greater. What a couple…

I used to have a huge crush on Justine Frischmann back in the mid-90s, but she hasn’t exactly been in the public eye for a while, so it’s kind of dimmed.

I absolutely love Tina Fey in 30 Rock, but was v disappointed to read recently about some “hilarious” “prostitutes and foreigners are so stupid!” jokes she’d made in SNL which turned me off her a bit. I can no longer love her unconditionally. So maybe I will reserve my crush for Fey’s character, Liz Lemon.

WRW, I love your selections too. But while I share most of your loves too, Leigh, I’ve got to disagree with you on La Burchill, whom I have hated since I was a relatively small child and encountered her vile racist columns in the Mail on Sunday (yeah, she’s not so keen on mentioning that these days now she’s the supposed scourge of the Mail), especially her attitude to Ireland and all things, and people, Irish. Also, she is not the only working class person in the world to become a writer, so she should stop acting like she is. Especially as she now owns half of Brighton.

AND even though I share her dislike of the word chav, which I think has basically become an excuse for sneering at poor people (oh, sorry, poor people with bad taste, as if that makes it okay), her defence of chavnosity on that programme was just so…stupid! She kept going “I think they’re brilliant!” in her stupid little squeaky voice.

Diablo Cody! Excellent choice, her book Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper is brilliant, I love her style of writing and the fact that she decided to be a stripper for the hell of it makes me like her even more. Some of mine are:

Zooey Deschanel – for her massive eyes and super quirkiness
Megan Fox – cos she absolutely is one, and I love her badass Marilyn tattoo, no dainty above-the-arse butterflies on this one
Billie Piper – Secret Diaries anyone?
Emily Booth – she was a presenter on Shock Video or some other trashy shows on Bravo a few years ago, she’s class though.
Monica Bellucci – ridiculous amount of sex appeal for one woman.

Ha ha Penny, I do that too…crush on a girl because I’m fancying her other half. I would soooo do Jon Spencer,, ergo, I’d give Christina a rattle. Brody Dalle is another one of my girl crushes – well, she’s in the second Division, anyway. But Josh Homme…..*slobber*
And why you hatin’ on me Julie??? She’d make only brilliant drinking company, once we didn’t mention the ‘C’ words. Anyone that can slate…nay, bury their exes the way she did Tony Parsons has to be worth a punt. And…I think Justine has co-written with MIA and done some architecture stuff, whcih rocks mightily. And if you’re going off Tiny Fey, get a girl crush on Sarah Silverman instead. Me likey.

WRW HOW did I miss Regina Spektor? That’s a seriously rockin’ list. I did stand beside Kate Winslet at some awards thingy and she was acting like such a luvvie knob…perhaps she’s not worth our crushes hon!

“Megan Fox – cos she absolutely is one, and I love her badass Marilyn tattoo, no dainty above-the-arse butterflies on this one.”
Ha – love that Kitty Cat! She’s the new Angelina really, isn’t she? I read the Diablo Cody book alright – she is such a fantastic, drole writer. As for Billie Piper….well I think I’d probably have more of a crush on Belle De Jour herself, even though I haven’t a clue what she looks like. Go figure.

Seriously, imagine being as sexy as Monica Bellucci. How fucking MENTAL must that be?

On an auld Irish note, I do admire Ivana Bacik and also Mary Robinson. Good female role models the pair ‘o them. Not a fan of Burchill either, mostly for her xenophibia, or Dawn Porter – the lesbian doc had me hiding behind cushions in embarrasment at her presumptions and her arrogance. “why is no one in the club flirting with me?” Well Dawn, that would be because of the bang of straight off of you. It – and she – might have been redeemed further along, I don’t know, because I turned it off.

I agree with all your choices completely except Julie Burchill, who I find quite annoying whenever she’s allowed on TV. But then I do like what she writes, so I could let her away with it.

i was actually considering writing a post (more than considering, i started one about a month ago but it was sounding crap) about all the cool women whose stuff I’m into these days. Are heterosexual male bloggers allowed do that? Anyway, in case I never get around to it, here’s my own brief list:

Feist
Joan as Policewoman
Anne Enright
Bloggers like Rosie, Annie and yourselves
Maggie Gyllenhaal (for being extremely talented as well as sexy)
Karen O from Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Yer woman who plays Lynn in Alan Partridge
Jill Scott (for her performance in the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency movie more than her music)
Lauren Hill (where the hell is she these days?)

And shitloads more who I can’t think of because it’s late at night.
Anyway, great post and loving the blog.

Andrew, I’m loving your list, not least because we’re on it. That’s impeccable taste for you. Never been on a list with Joan As Policewoman and Karen O before, so you’ve made my day!
Jill Scott rocks the house…another one I forgot!
Does anyone else think that Feist has a touch of the Charlotte Gainsbourg about her? Either way, they’re both great.

The Lives Of Others – I’ll have to take your word for it that the Polish lady is a babe. Unless it’s the pregnant thing alone that’s doing it for you? Or indeed he laundrette thing?

Annie, I went to see PJ Harvey last Xmas and the whole ROOM had a stiffy. It really was rather amazing to watch.

“The bang of straight off of her”….Kirstie, you ARE a scamp. That did make me piss myself. I do LOVES me some Dawn though. That lesbian documentary got me rather hot and bothered I must say. Felt quite jealous, in fact, of the couple of girls she ended up with in the end.
I hear you about Mary and Ivana…I totally admire them but I’m not sure I’d have a girl-crush on them. Would you lob the gob on Mary Robinson after 8 or so drinks??

I second Scarlett Johansson, can’t believe I forgot her the first time around, she’s gawjus. Leigh, I think my fancying Billie Piper is some sort of by-product of my crush on Belle de Jour. She’s an awful saucy bitch. Have to say I wouldn’t mind a bit of Shakira either with her lovely big arse!

My biggest (gay boy) girl crush is on Maggie Cheung. Ever since I saw her in In The Mood For Love wearing those stunning outfits, I’ve been enthralled. I must have burst into tears at least 5 times watching Clean where she speaks 3 languages. She’s a goddess. Movies were invented just to beam her around the planet.

I’m also completely in love with Amy Ryan. Because I consider her a friend because she plays Beadie on The Wire. And I just know Beadie and I would be BFFs if we were hanging out.

And Mary McDonnell. Because she’s Roslin on Battlestar. And she’s the best actress out right now.

And word on Floria Sigismondi. I saw a retrospective of her work in Toronto a few years ago and it was just amazing. Her photographs – well I’m not articulate enough to describe their brilliance. My personal favourite video of hers is the one she did for Leonard Coen. She’s amazing.
I’m totally going to wax your car – this site is awesome.

Oh Q, how much do I love Floria? I have a book of the photos, and the stuff is just so elaborate. I’d love to have my photee taken by her.

Don’t know Amy Ryan as I am resisting The Wire as best I can. Soooo feckin’ overrated…The Wire is the televisual equivalent of the Arcade Fire. Discuss.

I never got why people were so into In The Mood For Love, Q. I came out of that film with a friend who was blubbing away. In the lift down to the street I said, ‘I know how you feel. Two hours of my life I’ll never get back’. The way she looked at me, you’d think I’d taken a dump on her.

Is it terribly bad of me to say that gay guys’ crushes on girls are much more flattering than straight guys’ crushes? I only ask because an acquaintance told a pal of mine that he reckoned I was like the second coming of Isabella Rossellini. Now believe me when I say I look like anything but – I think it’s the *cough* handsome, horsey thing I have going on he was digging – but fuck me, hearing that made me feel better than the news that any straight boy was into me.

It’s a bit mad of the pair of us to crush on a madey-uppy sorta person Kitty Cat, but I do have a monstrous respect for Belle, the dirt bird.

Elaborate is so perfect. I remember watching a feature on MuchMusic and she was talking about the In My Secret Life video as such a fan. Like she was blown away to be working with Leonard Cohen. Isn’t she making a feature film soon? Must check imdb

Resist The Wire no longer! Honestly, it is the greatest thing. Ever. It is.

I’d rent ITMFL with a great bottle of wine and watch it again. Such a slow but beautiful film.

And yah , gay boys with girl crushes is the coolest.I love hearing my 6 out of 6 on the Kinsey scale mates say stuff like “I’d totally make out with …[Juliette Binoche] [Katherine Moennig *]

* seriously , you’d have to be made of STONE to not want to make out with her.

Q, I’m with you on Mary McDonnell/Roslin, but what about Starbuck? Rowr.

Annie, I share your crushes on Beyoncé and PJ. I saw the latter on her first headline show here many years ago and practically had my mouth hanging open the entire time – it was the best gig I’ve ever been to, even though I’ve seen her a few times since. And Beyoncé is just so effortlessly sexy – and cute. Have you seen the awesome photos of her playing Connect 4 with Kanye West? Apparently she is (seriously) the undisputed Connect 4 champion of the hip hop/R’n’B world! That makes me love her even more.

Leigh, I think Feist does indeed look a bit like La Gainsbourg, and I freaking love both of them. I think Sarah Silverman is a bit overrated, though. She is indeed hot, but I think her jokes are funnier on paper than when you actually see her deliver them. ‘I’m Fucking Matt Damon’ is hilarious, though.

Kirstie, I share your love of Ivana and Mary R, but like Leigh, my feelings towards them are more great admiration than crush.

I would so hit Ruby Rose up! Is’t she with one of the Veronicas or something? Nom Nom, as Fatmammycat would say.
I did try and find a new pic of Bettie Page as she is now recently – SUCH a kitten back in the day – but couldn’t find one. She’s super-duper reclusive now, goes under a new name, and will GET you with a spike heel if you even so much as mention Bettie Page.

I think Scar-Jo and Beyonce are a bit too…I dunno, ‘establishment’ for me. I like girls with tats, black fringes and a bit of a past. And possibly even a questionable sexual health history.

I don’t know half of these folk, will have to go off now for the afternoon, have a google binge and perv away on all these new birds….thanks folks!

Q, seeing as you’ve such impeccable taste in women, I’m going to give you the benefit re: ITMFL and the Wire. Will report back.