Entertainment

Heat vs. Spurs in the NBA Finals: A Rematch We All Win

Miami Heat forward LeBron James (6) drives to the basket over San Antonio Spurs guard Danny Green (4), forward Kawhi Leonard (2) and forward Tim Duncan (21) during the first half of Game 6 in the NBA Finals basketball game, Tuesday, June 18, 2013 in Miami.

Remember "This Is How We Do It," Montell Jordan's timeless classic from 1995? Of course you do. Did you know someone made a Spurs-themed version? Of course you didn't — it somehow only saw the light of Internet this May. Now, did you know you can listen to that version right here? You're welcome.

David Robinson's got your team in check! Terry Cummings has a foot in your neck! A-ver-y Johnson shook your team! What an outright bonanza for anyone who savored the mid-'90s eras of both the NBA and R&B.

But we digress. Back to the matter at hand. Speaking of old school — how 'bout them Spurs? Behind the ageless Tim Duncan, the balding-yet-spry Manu Ginobili, the matured Tony Parker and the incomparable Gregg Popovich, here they are in the NBA Finals. Again. Just like Pop and Timmy did in 1999, then did (with Ginobili and Parker on board) in '03, '05, '07 and '13.

Their first four times around, the Spurs won in the finals. But avoiding a repeat of last year's failed effort will require doing a few small things just a little bit differently.

The ballad of Timmy D

Recall how close the Spurs were to vanquishing LeBron James and the mighty Heat just last June. Game 7 ... down two points with a chance to tie ... less than one minute to play ... the great Tim Duncan posted up on the left block ... how many times out of a 100 does he make this shot? How many nights has this moment haunted his nightmares since?

We can't mention Duncan here without lauding his historic greatness. He's already the greatest power forward of all time. He may be the greatest player of his generation. And he's been doing it, to quote a rapper of the era, since honeys was wearing sassoons — all while somehow aging nary a day.

Look: here's Tim Duncan as a rookie, way back in 1998.

San Antonio Spurs forward Tim Duncan holds up his NBA Rookie of the Year trophy prior to the team's game against the Phoenix Suns in San Antonio, Texas, Monday, April 27, 1998.

San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, left, and Spurs' Tim Duncan watch during the second half against the Oklahoma City Thunder in Game 6 of the Western Conference finals NBA basketball playoff series in Oklahoma City, Saturday, May 31, 2014.

Image: Sue Ogrocki/Associated Press

Now here's roughly what Heat stars (counter-clockwise from top left) James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh looked like when Duncan won his first NBA title in 1999. It's fairly mind-blowing.

Here's what the Miami Heat "Big 3" looked like when Tim Duncan won his 1st NBA Title in 1999 with the Spurs. pic.twitter.com/nQU1Ht9Wzw

Smacking those whippersnappers down in a bit of NBA Finals revenge would be a fine capper to a Hall of Fame career.

King James: The end of an era?

We'd be remiss to discuss Duncan's greatness — which, impressive as it is, is in its twilight — without a tip of the cap to James.

King James entered the NBA as its most-hyped prospect of all-time in 2003 — and somehow he's exceeded the expectations. He's in his prime. He looks like he'll be dominant for years to come. He's got a shot at achieving the rare championship three-peat this month. And he stands a real chance of one day being considered the greatest player of all time. (Yes, we just went there. But it's true.)

Kevin Durant (lovely acceptance speech, by the way) finally ended James' two-year hold on the NBA's MVP trophy this season. So you could kind of call it a down year for LeBron — that is, until you look at the numbers: 27.1 points, 6.4 assists and 6.9 rebounds per game while shooting 57% overall, 38% on three-pointers and 75% on free throws.

Plus, this, so much this.

Sheesh.

Last week, for his latest trick, James maturely brushed aside the whacked-out Lance Stephenson to dispatch the Indiana Pacers in businesslike fashion, win the Eastern Conference and lead the Heat to their fourth straight finals appearance.

But nothing is ever as good as it seems. James' transcendence, too, comes with a potential downside for Heat fans (especially the ones with tattoos like this). It's already been four years since the infamous Decision, James' made-for-TV special in which he dumped his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers to sign with the Heat. After the finals, he can opt out of his current deal to become a free agent again.

Will he go back to Cleveland? Bolt for the limelight of L.A. or New York? This could be the end of Miami's Big Three as we know it — we refer, of course to James, Wade and #Terio, who met up after a game early this season:

Another helping of Miami comedy? Yes please!

We kid; oh, how we kid. Chris Bosh — the real third-wheel in the Big Three — is a standup guy and a baller to boot. Should the Heat troika become a diaspora after these finals, many folks will gain a much deeper appreciation of Bosh's overall quality on a less-talented team.

But that's in the future. Bosh will be critical against the Spurs too. How effectively he bangs with Duncan inside and how much he can stretch the floor with his jumper, opening up driving lanes for James and Wade, will be critical if the Heat are to win. And if they do win? We might just be lucky enough to see a rematch of Bosh's trial-by-combat with a rogue piece of confetti during last year's victory celebration.

While we're on the topic of of do-overs, remember all those bandwagon Heat fans who gave up hope and streamed out of last year's nail-biter of a Game 6 early? Then how they tried desperately to beg their way back into the arena as the Heat mounted a comeback? Then how all of Sports America laughed at the karma their fickleness had wrought?

Let's take a moment to snicker at them again.

Yup, still funny. Then again, would you expect much less from one of the NBA's most notoriously flakey fan-bases? Heck, these are probably some of the same basketball "fans" who think the Spurs are "boring."

The 'boring' shall inherit the Earth

That's become a popular trope among folks who don't know what they're talking about. Yeah, their colors aren't sexy. Fine, you won't see a ton of high-flying dunks. And OK, they've won four of the past 15 NBA titles in about the least flashy way possible.

But if you care about basketball — actual basketball, not just the commercialized NBA product — the Spurs are anything but boring. The extra pass, covering for a teammate on defense, hustling just to tip a rebound? True quality never goes out of style, baby.

Even Popovich's famously taciturn interviews travel so far down the boringness spectrum that they rocket right back into the comedy zone. Here he is tormenting sideline reporter David Aldridge.

On the surface, this series would appear to come down to three men. Can James be his extraterrestrial self and dominate the series? Can Duncan find one more impact finals performance in those ancient legs? Can Popovich's wily tactical acumen neutralize the Miami Big Three?

But the role players will decide the Finals, and that's where Popovich's Spurs industrial-complex excels. He just finds smart players, who know how to move the ball, know how to set a proper back-screen, know how to dart to the rim, take a pass and make an easy layup in the nanosecond a defender looks away.

Gone from the San Antonio bench of yesteryear are Gary Neal, DeJuan Blair, Nando de Colo and the husk of Tracy McGrady. In their stead, Aron Baynes, Marco Belinelli, Cory Joseph and Patty Mills have either been added or taken on new roles.

And here's the thing: Those guys have excelled. If you're a marginal NBA player, San Antonio is where you want to be. Popovich just knows how to take the one thing you do well and magnify it, while obfuscating your shortcomings in the greater system. When you're watching on TV, try to deny that Belinelli is starting to look like Ginobili and Mills is even starting to look like Parker. It's spooky, the way this Spurs alchemy works.

Last year, James — with a little help from his friends, of course — led the Heat and took home Finals MVP. Duncan couldn't make the one shot he needed to go down, and even Popovich couldn't overcome it all to X and O his team to victory.

After the Spurs won the Western Conference Finals on Saturday night to set up the championship redux, Duncan's post-game interview with Aldridge delivered a simple message: "We'll do it this time."

Exactly how they do it remains to be seen — Hey, that's why we watch the games. But we take Duncan at his word, and think the Spurs bench will come through big.

Sports Fails

1. Golf Cart Fail

This runaway vehicle wreaked minor on-field havoc following a high school football championship in Texas last December. But a heroic bystander hopped aboard and put on the brakes.

No casualties occurred, and the clip immediately became Internet legend.

2. Penalty Kick Fail

Watch out for the ricochet, goalie! This kid gets it in the right in the chops.

3. Mascot on Rollerblades Fail

What happens when you put an inflatable dinosaur on rollerblades and ask it to skate down a flight of stairs? Amazingness, that's what.

4. Flopping Fail

In sports, to "flop" is to exaggerate the force of contact in hopes of drawing a favorable call from officials. But you've got to time it much, much better than this guy does.

5. Hockey Celebration Fail

Apparently, if you hug a member of the opposite team after scoring a goal in hockey, you will get punched in the face.

6. Innocent Bystander Fail

This kid is just in the wrong place at the wrong time...to the benefit of the rest of us.

7. Representing Your School Fail

College football mascots are supposed to represent their schools in a fun, positive light — which doesn't typically include picking fights. Here, the University of Oregon's duck slams the University of Houston's cougar.

Bonus points for the sick elbow drop, though.

8. Weightlifting Fail

Not saying we could successfully lift 432 pounds above our heads, but dang, that looks painful.

German weightlifter Matthias Steiner dropped this massive barbell on his neck during the London Olympics this summer, but escaped serious injury.

9. Trampoline Dunk Fail

Sometimes, when you fail, you actually win.

10. Hurdling Fail

Why jump over hurdles when you could just RUN STRAIGHT THROUGH THEM?

File under: Never, Ever Gets Old.

11. Paying Attention Fail

After what could best be described as an "optimistic" shot attempt in a game last season, NBA center JaVale McGee showed some nice hustle getting back on defense. Only problem? His team still had the ball.

12. Judgment Fail

But that wasn't McGee's only legendary moment. Here, he shows why it's not a good idea to try dunking from the free throw line mid-game.

13. Olympic Promo Fail

For some reason, London's Olympic promotions this summer involved hanging Mayor Boris Johnson on a zipline while waving a pair of tiny flags.

Then he got stuck halfway through and it was pretty much the best, funniest, awkwardest thing that could have happened.

14. Grand Slam Celebration Fail

Major Leaguer Kendry Morales broke his lower left leg while celebrating a game-winning grand slam in 2010. This edited video provides the before, during and after rundown.

15. Slam Dunk Fail

See? White guys can jump? It's just the landing that's the hard part.

16. High Dive Fail

The announcer here sums it up perfectly. She calls this attempt from the 1992 Olympics "an absolute failed dive."

17. Piggyback Ride Fail

What begins as an innocent enough piggyback ride atop a fuzzy mascot turns into a pretty epic collision — and YouTube gold.

18. Long Jump Fail

Dude! If you're gonna pump up the crowd like that, you can't just faceplant into the sand.

19. Touchdown Celebration Fail

When you think about it, is there any better way to celebrate a touchdown than by pegging an unsuspecting spectator in the face? Bonus points for originality, at least.

20. Pro Golfer Fail

You'd think a professional golfer could put the ball in the hole with less than 16 strokes. Kevin Na — and the rest of the world — found out otherwise on this par-four hole at the 2011 Valero Texas Open.

21. Head-First Slide Fail

Well, that's one way of doing it...right?

22. Time Management Fail

Tie game, clock winding down — it's always better to get one last attempt up than just let the game go into overtime. A full court desperation heave with a 11 seconds to go is never the way to do it, however.

This classic gaffe by the University of Connecticut's Roscoe Smith came during a matchup of top teams in 2011.

23. Boogie Boarding Fail

Its veracity may be suspect, but this 2008 YouTube classic has more than 12.7 million views, despite a mind-numbing soundtrack.

24. Sportsmanship Fail

The summer of 2011 was a tough time for NBA star LeBron James. It was full of lingering ill-will for his decision to the leave the Cleveland Cavaliers and snarky schadenfreude over his initial failure to win a championship with the Miami Heat.

So it makes perfect sense that he'd let off some steam by viciously dunking on a tiny kid at summer camp, right? That's what happens at the 0:43 mark of this video.

25. Standing on a Basketball Hoop Fail

We're not quite sure why this mascot thought standing on top of a basketball rim was a good idea.

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