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hey everyone - its been a while since I've posted. usually when I do post, its about an issue I need to get off my chest.

Well for the first time in maybe YEARS...I feel fantastic. I actually walked into my counselor's office last week and told her I can actually say I'm feeling fantastic. Me? Fantastic? That word doesn't usually apply to me. Sure, I've been good, ok, fine - but fantastic? Nah, can't remember when that was.

I had a sort of "break thru" emotionally last week that I won't get completely into, but this break thru has allowed me to see myself in a whole new light.

The death of my father really hit me hard and the grief was almost intolerable. Issues with my teen son had taken its toll and there was some stress at work. For a while, I honestly didn't think I was going to make it through.

And then, like a lightening bolt, I felt free. I felt connected to the world again and I am enjoying the ride.

Edited to add: I don't want to "jinx" myself or anything - but I just thought I'd share what I see as wonderful news. Those that know me on SI (for all the years that I've posted) will be shocked at this post.

[This message edited by click4it at 11:56 PM, May 5th (Sunday)]

Me: 42
Two boys: 18 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25674 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California

thebighurt♀ 34722Member # 34722

Posted: 11:58 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2884 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side

wildbananas♀ 10552Member # 10552

Posted: 12:42 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15595 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl

SBB♀ 35229Member # 35229

Posted: 6:43 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

Love this.

I liken my own breakthrough(s) to childbirth.

Scary as hell. Painful as hell. The unknown scared me far more than what actually ended up happening. I rocked it like a natural!

Uncivilised, unpleasant but necessary. And what a prize at the end!!

Nurture this feeling friend.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5922 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia

FaithFool♀ 20150Member # 20150

Posted: 11:01 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 18530 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada

jo2love♀ 31528Member # 31528

Posted: 11:33 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

Hi, Click! Awesome update!!

Posts: 40942 | Registered: Mar 2011

NaiveAgain♀ 20849Member # 20849

Posted: 11:39 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

I'm really glad to hear this click....it is about time you have some happiness and peaceful feelings!

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 16014 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio

NaiveAgain♀ 20849Member # 20849

Posted: 11:56 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

oops, double post!

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 11:57 AM, May 6th (Monday)]

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 16014 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio

MovingUpward♂ 14866Member # 14866

Posted: 11:58 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

Awesome clicky. I am looking forward to the N. Cali g2g to see the Fantastic You.

AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 54223 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation

tryingagain74♀ 33698Member # 33698

Posted: 12:06 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

Yay! That's wonderful!

FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3828 | Registered: Oct 2011

persevere♀ 31468Member # 31468

Posted: 2:45 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

What an amazing post click!!! SOOOO happy for you!

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4974 | Registered: Mar 2011

click4it♀ 209Member # 209

Posted: 3:00 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

thanks everyone!

Me: 42
Two boys: 18 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25674 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California

Jrazz♀ 31349Member # 31349

Posted: 3:22 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

Yaaaay! Love it.

You looked/sounded awesome on Saturday, so I'm not even really surprised. And your lasagne? Devoured.

"It is impossible to get a man to understand something if his livelihood depends on him not understanding." - Upton Sinclair

Posts: 23911 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California

Too_Trusting♀ 99Member # 99

Posted: 5:29 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

Thrilled for you, Click. THRILLED!!!

"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2703 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina

Amazonia♀ 32810Member # 32810

Posted: 5:34 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

One of the best updates I've read in a while. Thanks for sharing!!

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14184 | Registered: Jul 2011

click4it♀ 209Member # 209

Posted: 5:47 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

Come to think of it I don't think I've ever said I felt fantastic in all the 10 years I been posting on here.

Its a relief to actually say it and meaning it. Maybe its all the praying I've done, maybe its all the grief I've processed, maybe its my awesome counselor who I love and maybe its just...TIME. Maybe I'm almost 41 and just time to finally be free to be me and not feel afraid to feel great.

I don't know what it all means just yet, and I don't know how long it will last, but for now as I said I'm enjoying the ride and hoping to take new skills learned to keep scars zipped up and hurt feelings in the past.

Thanks Jazz for the compliment on the lasange. I tell ya its the one thing I'm pretty confident I can cook well. And I only make it for people I like.

[This message edited by click4it at 5:47 PM, May 6th (Monday)]

Me: 42
Two boys: 18 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25674 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California

little turtle♀ 15584Member # 15584

Posted: 8:13 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

This is awesome!!!!

Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4410 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan

Amazonia♀ 32810Member # 32810

Posted: 8:14 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ