Saturday, June 28, 2008

Hey,

Well i think we finally got this blog thing worked out. (I hope) So I hope that you are enjoying the Bill Engvall Show we are about finished filming for this year. It has been a blast, I also wanted to tell you that my new movie will be out this summer on the USA network. It is called Bait Shop and it stars Billy Ray Cyrus and obviously me. It is another funny family movie. The DVD will be out on Labor Day in your favorite movie rental store. I was deeply saddened with the passing of George Carlin, he was a huge influence on me. He will be greatly missed, I still laugh whenever I hear the Hippy Dippy Weatherman. Well I hope that the gas prices dont have you to down and that you will be able to come see me live. Just check out the tour page and hopefully we can meet on the road. Take care

56 Comments:

My wife and I celebrated our second anniversary watching your show at Billy Bobs. You confirmed what I had suspected for a while but couldn't say for sure. I had seen you many, many, many, many years ago at The Comedy Corner. It was a mid week show - you were the MC. It was open mike and then the two weekend feature guys did about 30 minutes apiece. I remember seeing one of the feature guys (a Native American feller) on "An evening at the Improv" I remember a bit you did about your wife asking why you go to strip clubs - something about looking but no touching. My wife and I live in Oklahoma and don't get out of the holler much. But it was a pleasure to see your show. Even though I watch Comedy Central and have seen your show quite alot, I rolled in the aisles at Billy Bobs. I hope you stay in comedy for a long, long time (at least until I keel over, we're about the same age).

I hope you come to Chicago or somewhere near it very soon. I'm considering driving all the way to LaCrosse, WI. Been listening to your CDs on my iPod each morning on the train and just about fall out of my seat laughing. My fellow passengers think I am either very mysterious or very crazy. A fine line I suppose. Keep up the laughs. I met a stand-up comedy guy at a conference named Kent Rader who says "Laughter Matters" and it does! Love your show, too. Come to Chicago -- but if you don't, I guess I'll see you in LaCrosse.

My wife, kids and I love your comedy, especially the stories about your relationship with your family. Got a strange question for you. Are you a big Arizona State Basketball fan? My family and I went to the ASU/Southern Illinois game in late March and sat behind a guy who looked alot like you. If it wasn't you, I have met your twin. If it was you....I apologize for spilling my bag of popcorn down your back!

Bill, I cannot locate where the clip in your stand-up skits includes the story where your wife and her gift in playing Pictionary and the tagline was "hydroponic Farm". I have searched and searched... please help.

About your sitcom... Why did they take so long to get this together? My daughter and I have been laughing with you and yours for years. Thank you for the tears of joy !!!

BillI wanted you to know what a joy it was to meet at Buffalo Run in Oklahoma. I was the blonde who was acting like a 12 year old, jumping up and down saying:"there he is, there he is! My daughter is the one who had a cancerous mass removed, well I wanted you to know that she has to have yet another mass removed. I know you humor and kind consideration were pitvital in her recovery. please be thinking about her.Also, all my female co-worker have determined one thing; you are one HOT, HOT, HOT guy.! I also have a great picture of those white cowboy boots you had one that night as well. I would e-mail them to you, but my son, "fixed" my computer and now I can't download any photos. If I ever do get it fixed, I will e-mail them to you. Have a great day, and I hope I can see you again someday. I have never laughed that much in my life, and with everything our family is going through right now, laughter is indeed the best medicine.Best WishesJeannie

I just wanted you tell you that I rarely laugh more than once at the same thing.. however.. your skit that is airing on Comedy Central about when you flew with the Thunderbirds consistantly makes me laugh to the point of uncontrollable tears. You see, a few years back my best friend of 30 years and I were on vacation in the Vegas area.. we called it our "Thelma and Louise" trip (we even rented a red convertable). Anyway, as we are driving through Death Valley, out of no where comes an F18 (or 16) roaring over our heads.. CLOSE ENOUGH TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH IT!!. My girlfriend about pee'd her pants and wrecked the car.. I immediately turned into a little kid as I tried to stand up in the car and reached for it (I'm the adrenaline junkie.. she's the big chicken). Anyway, yes, those pilots seem to do those crazy things on a regular basis out there.. but it was SOOOOO COOOL!! Obviously when I heard this skit.. I totally could relate (from a ground perspective)We live in Orlando, FL and are both working moms. What is it going to take to get you to Central Florida?? Please come visit us!!!! You've got lots of fans here!!

Just wanted to let you know I love your show. It's great to finally have the old skool sitcom humor back. Your show is funny and light and I enjoy it everyweek. Thanks for putting on a great sitcom. I hope it stays on for a long time to come.

Someone in our company sent an e-mail accidentally to everyone in our company. People who received the e-mail "reply to all" saying "please do not reply to all." And the worst thing is that this is the second time in a week this has happened! Argh!!!!

I just wanted to thank you and all of the cast and crew of your show for such a clean family show that is the greatest comedy in years if not in TV history. It is so rare these days to find such a well done show without the sex, violence and such that is inappropriate for family entertainment. Please keep up the good work!

Happy Birthday Bill!! Been a fan of yours since "Here's your sign". Saw your act in Vegas at Treasure Island & read your book "Notes from a Blue Collar Life". What I like about your tv show is that your character isn't an immature moron like the "King of Queens" or "Still Standing". Keep making us laugh.

well i had a good "here's your sign" moment at the pool today with my dad. i was pullin some bugs out with the cleaning net thing, and my dad asks me, "son, you gettin' bugs outta the pool?" i smiled and said, "nope. i'm tryin' to get the water out, dad."

Hi Bill! Our three-year-old son is probably your biggest fan. Even as I type this, he's making me play your various bits and videos on youtube, telling me "More Bill! More Bill!" after each one's over. We have the "Here's Your Sign DVD" and he carries it around with him constantly, long with a toy microphone, pretending to be you, telling anybody and everybody he sees, "Here's Your Sign." Not sure if this is all a sign of severe mental illness or not, but he's sure not happy unless we play that DVD of yours at least twice a day. Anyway, I hope you make it out to the York County Fair sometime in the future so that he can finally meet you. Larry's scheduled to perform there on September 5 (near our home in Pennsylvania), but he's a bit to raw for our son at this point. Thanks for everything! You're a great influence for our family!

I totally had a here's your sign moment today. I was at the store and waiting in line to check out. When i finally got to the cashier she asks "Would you like to check out?" I actually said to her, "no, i was waiting in line because i don't want any of this stuff..."

I love the here's your sign jokes and have a really good one for you. I drive a VW Bug and was loading groceries in the trunk, which is in the rear now, when a gentleman said, Wow that's a big trunk for such a little car. Do you have one in the front too? Here's your sign!!!

Hey Bill, Steve Allyn from Boise, ID here, I'm a HUGE fan, and i was thinkin bout being a comedian myself, i've been told i'm funny, but i'm not sure which style of comedy i should do, and i'm not sure how to get started.i also have a profile on blogger under captiansmartass, you can not make this up. u can also reach me at greangr@q.com. come to boise we'd luv 2 have ya, steve

We finally dit it, we got tickets to see your show in September! Looks like we got awesome seats too, 3rd row I think! Our 14th anniversary is coming up around this time and when I got the alert you were coming to our area I just had to get tickets. Think we'll make a night of it, dinner, drinks, show, etc. Can't Wait. Thanks for stopping in our town!

Mr. EngvallI watched Country Fried Videos, that you host, for the first time this week. After seeing a baby accidentally being kicked in the chest by a street break-dancing performer, fly through the air and land face down on the pavement, it will be the last time for me.

I don't know what is worse, the sponsors and show airing this video or you making supposedly funny comments about it. Here's your sign…I won't be watching you in anything again.

I have a "Here's Your Sign". I work for the U.S. Coast Guard. Our facility just got a much needed new building build, so the old one is in the process of coming down. About two days ago I was walking a way from the old building with two 40 yard dumpsters in front, plastic on all of the windows, and "WARNING ASBETOS REMOVAL DO NOT ENTER" signs posted on all of the exterior doors and a contractor stopped me to ask if that was the building going down!!!!

Hi Bill,My wife and I are celabrating 25 years of marrage this month and one of the gifts we gave each other were tickets to see you in concert in Salem Oregon. We beleave you to be rite on cool, not 15 degrees off. See you soon.Paul and Robin Lanyon

I bought tickets to your show at Mohegan Sun in CT for October 23 for my dad for his birthday. I can’t wait to see you live, you are hands down my favorite comedian. I have an hour commute each way to campus and I listen to your CDs and laugh out loud the entire time, no matter how many times I have listened to them. Anyway the reason I went onto your website was to see if there was a way to contact you, I had something happen to me this morning that definitely fits your "here’s your sign” jokes. OK so I go into dunkin donuts (like I do almost every workday morning) to order the same coffee I always get from the same girl. So she says (in her too early to be this peppy voice), "hi what can I get for you?", I say "hi can I please have a medium light and sweet?" the girl walks away for a few seconds then comes back and cocks her head sideways and has that confused look on her face and asks "a coffee?", took me a second to answer her back because I couldn’t believe she asked that, what else would I be getting from a coffee place medium light and sweet? That is common lingo at dunkin donuts, and that’s how I order it from her every other morning and she knows what I am talking about. So I finally said back “yes, a coffee”. What I really wanted to say was “no, a beer! I wanted a beer, from a coffee shop, medium light and sweet, here’s your sign”, but that probably would have really confused her so I just let it go. Hahahaha. OK just wanted to share that with you. See you in October !!

Hi Mr Engvall, My sister-in-law sent this to me and I immediately thought of your "Here"s your sign" shows. I don't know if you have come across this one, but I wanted to send it along anyway.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

I watch your stuff every once in a while (don't have cable, or a tv for that matter lol) but a little while ago I ran across a classic Here's Your Sign moment.

My mom, stepdad, and I were on our way back home from visiting my aunt in Florida and decided to stop at a Dairy Queen for some ice cream. My mom and I order and get our ice creams just fine and my stepdad orders a Banana Split. Well, the girl behind the counter starts making the banana split and gets all the toppings on, picks up the banana and stops. She turns around and asks him flat out, "did you want a banana on that?" We were too stunned to answer. Eventually he just said yeah, but we laughed about it afterwards and thought it would be perfect for your stand up.

Hey Bill,Something came up today while my husband & I were looking over the ads for horse rescue. It was so clearly a "here's your sign" moment, I thought immediately of you. So here I am blogging you, thinking you might use it.So you can imagine, with the economy being what it is the number of horses available for adoption has risen significantly. I came across this ad today for a 12 year old "mustang" mare, who is stocky, has "trust" issues & prefers women. Hello! Isn't she a "Wild" Mustang? Here's your sign! I thought I'd laugh until I die!It is always a pleasure to hear you on the radio or see you on TV. Keep the laughter flowing, it's full of endorphins you know, (psst, that's a drug in case you didn't know)!

Hey Bill,Something came up today while my husband & I were looking over the ads for horse rescue. It was so clearly a "here's your sign" moment, I thought immediately of you. So here I am blogging you, thinking you might use it.So you can imagine, with the economy being what it is the number of horses available for adoption has risen significantly. I came across this ad today for a 12 year old "mustang" mare, who is stocky, has "trust" issues & prefers women. Hello! Isn't she a "Wild" Mustang? Here's your sign! I thought I'd laugh until I die!It is always a pleasure to hear you on the radio or see you on TV. Keep the laughter flowing, it's full of endorphins you know, (psst, that's a drug in case you didn't know)!

I am looking for a Master of Ceremonies... don't go run and hide! When you look at these numbers and cause I believe it will PEAK your interest. WE (28 Hilton Family of Hotels) in San Deigo, CA (not a bad place to be) are putting on a benefit gala for the HUNGER AT HOME.. webisite www.hungerathome.com for the 480,000 people that are in our backyard that do not know where there next meal is coming from, 181,000 are UNDER THE AGE 12, this is an event that the Hilton family of hotels will take to the whole Western Region then Nation wide based on the success of this event. I/We are looking for your help to make this a success! I have been listening and watching you for sometime and hope that you can donate your time with us. 5 star accomodations will be provided, transporation,spa services, and media recognitions. Right now members of the Chargers football team will be attending, along with a verbal yes from Tiger Woods, and connections have been made with Governor Schwarzenegger. I appreciate anything you can do. Thank you and I appreciate you taking the time to respond even if it is no. Event: Hunger At Home Benefit GalaDate: Novemeber 21, 2008Location: Hilton La Jolla Torrey Pines (Home of US Open 2008) Contact: kimblevt02@yahoo.comThank you and hope you are having a great day!Best Regards, Ann Marie

Hi Bill! Just finished seeing you at the Oregon State Fair. Thank you for coming to our city and our fair. You were fantastic, as always! My husband and I used to see you in Vegas back in the '80s. We've always enjoyed your humor and have followed your career for years. Our 13 year old is now a fan - and he really enjoyed your show tonight. Thanks for all the laughter!

My wife Kimberly and I saw you at the Oregon state fair last night. You were operating one of those carnaval rides. Kidding. You were funstastic. I loved your colonoscopy story. You brought tears to my eyes. I am 51 and have not had one yet, but when you said they gave you demeral, well I am going to look into it. Keep it up. Your a funny man.

Good morning from the sunny south! My family has been searching for tours dates in Florida and are praying that you will be here soon. We enjoy your shows (sitcom and stand up alike). It's nice to sit with the family and be able to laugh.

I have been searching for a way to reach you and am glad to have found this blog site. I have some news from TX - Skip and the ladies from "Innerspace" say hello. They are my husbands relatives and we spent some time last summer with them. Even went to the caves and enjoyed the tour! I hear that it was a lot of fun while you were there, too! =D Please contact me at fsmith001@cfl.rr.com for some other news too.

Keep up the funny work and we hope to see you in Florida soon !! Very soon !!

My wife buys me everthing that you have done because she knows I love to hear you and she says that I have weird thoughts too. I guess I see a lot of weird things by being in the Army. She has just sent me 15 degrees off cool and a lot of what you said I can associate with. I am currently in Afghanistan and I showed everyone the DVD and they loved it and wanted one for themselves. Thank you for laughter and I look forward to more from you.

I've got what has too be the stupidest comment you've ever heard, and think you might appreciate it's potential. I'd love to post it, but then someone could steal it - any suggestions on how to get it to you? pkp4life@gmail.com

Bill Engvall, the funniest man in the world, previously held by Red Skelton. Can't wait for Bill's next movie. In the meantime, I'll be watching 'Bait Shop', until the cows come home, from California. lol Bill, you are the best.Athens, Al

Bill, I don't know if you really read these or not, but if you do I had a couple funny things happen to me that you might be able to use in your act. I bought a basketball hoop and apparently, I got the wrong one so I had to bring it back and get the right one. I lug this huge box into the local Walmart (go figure) and set it down as I get it in the door. The greeter looks at me and says, "Return?" I swear I'm not making this up, I just looked at her and said, "Nope, I go everywhere with this thing" (Here's your sign!) It was hilarious.Then I was at work one day and my boss was in a meeting. When she came out of her meeting she looked out the window and saw the ground was wet, she looked at me and said, "Did it rain?" I calmly looked back at her and said, "Nope, it's so hot outside the ground's just sweatin" (Here's your sign!)I know you probably have so much of your own material, I just thought it would be very cool if you used this in 1 or more of your performances. A big fan in Colorado!

Bill,Afew years ago my sister died. A friend of mine who I had not talked to in a while, called me. She asked me what I was up to and I told her that we had buried my sister that day. She responded with, "Oh, did she die?" I immediately thought of your, "here's your sign". True story. Thought you might could use that.

My mom was a Nurses' Aide at the Winslow Hospital while your Dad worked there, your Dad was also our doctor and we still remember him fondly... especially how he would walk down the halls in his cowboy boots, whistling.

Mom tells the story of the debate your dad and Dr. Peterson had about how great/or not Texas is.

Dr. Peterson loved to rib your dad about Texas. One day a rather large patient died and his family wanted to ship his remains back to Texas, but the cost would have been quite high since the casket would have been large and heavy. When your dad told Dr. Peterson about the family's problem, Dr Peterson said "Oh, he's from Texas. Just give him an enema, and send him back in a shoebox."

We all remember your Dad fondly. Please tell him "hi" from all the Johnsons from Winslow.

From the Petite Redhead who told you on open mike night...just be funny....and you never stopped your humorI am proud I had you for years as the MC in Dallas.Too bad we have missed connecting in Vegas...

Have you ever found a really great little restaurant and then a few years later it becomes popular and then EVERYBODY goes there and then you say, "Hey, that's MY restaurant!"? Well, I used to enjoy you at the Comedy Corner in Dallas, so when I see you on TV, I say, "Hey, that's MY comedian!"

JOyCE E...VEGASTried tol call 3 times and what happenend.did you really exclude the little people that got you started. I am beginning to believe that and do not want to.Hopefully I can get a reponse here or possibly when I call.

I have a dtr that is an officer in the US ARMY. Her first deployment was to serve in Haiti, when sending care pkgs she req socks but no underware...when i asked she said "oh i only wear special ones from Victorias Sec"..sleep on tarmack for 2 weeks, live on MRE's, in 3rd world country, military intell army...$15.00/pr underwear!! am I the only one that thinks this is hilarious...today's new woman!! Connie Hix 406-868-7667 or conniehix@gmail.com

I was listening to your cd...driving...crying cuz I was laughing so hard when my 13 year old told me to pull over or take the cd out but this could not go on any longer...thankyou for your great work...