Extreme Xamping: It’s A Thing.

by thethreepennyguignol

Xamping began as a simple twist on the usual abseiling sport somewhen in the sixties, the pastime of the genteel and elderly. By the mid-nineties, it had developed into what some critics would have called a brutally sadistic Battle Royale amongst insane toffs if they hadn’t been murdered by the so-called Extreme Xampers.

The rules were few and the deaths were many. What started as basic hand-to-hand combat moved onto various, more creative variations; some of the most popular being horse Xamping, jet Xamping, and the self-explanatory Nightmare on Xamper Street. Unfortunately, some were combined to detrimental effect: the mess of Xamper Wars was, some argue, outweighed by the splendor of the Xamper Deathlympics, including the ever-popular Gattling-gun 100 Metres and High Jump into a Neverending Pit. Most weapons and forms of combat were permitted; only balloons had been actively banned due to the original creator’s dislike of them. Although it was only permitted into the Olympics once (a horrific and deadly misunderstanding with the Olympic Torch in Bristol), it has had it’s effect on the world of sport, with Daryl “The Xampmeister” Haroldson being named Sports Personality of the Year in two nonconsecutive years.

After arousing the suspicion of the RSPCA after the lavadog death match, Extreme Xamping was reviewed and reluctantly banned, causing outrage nationwide. Although many illegal Xamper pits are in action today, many are still campaigning for the re-institution of what was truly the pride of Britain.