Monday, August 29, 2011

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Just a quick observation regarding Hurricane Irene hitting the Northeast this morning and the media-at-large. Normally when there is a tropical storm bearing down on central Florida you'll see a little 15 to 30 second blurb from the national media outlets. They smile, maybe crack a cheesy storm-related joke, then cut to commercial. Zero, none, not one iota of concern in their eyes

This morning however, I saw something completely different when I turned on the TV at work...Good Morning America, in a rare Sunday morning broadcast. Gone were the corny jokes and friendly smiles, replaced with real fear in their eyes and anxiety in their voices. Hardly the cool, calm, and collected demeanor that one would expect from such a long-running and well-choreographed "news source".

To listen to the majority of major media outlets you'd think Armageddon was upon them...call it "9/11: Part II" if you will. How easily they forget / overlook that we in the Southern states, from North Carolina to Texas, face these types of storms every single year. I still recall 2004 when the eye of no less than three hurricanes crossed over my house, one of which was a category four hurricane. Hell, it was like they forgot 2005's Hurricane Katrina altogether, dubbing lil' miss Irene with the less-than-deserved monicker of "storm of the century". Then again, "storm of the decade thus far" just isn't a real sound bite attention getter.

Now, this isn't to say that a category one hurricane (now a tropical storm) is any less dangerous than a full-blown Cat-5, nor should it be taken lightly....far from it in fact. Some times you just gotta ignore the media hype and change the channel. Better still, just turn the damned thing off...and turn on the less-than-riveting NOAA weather radio.

In other storm-related news, I'll be taking out the stick (that's a surf board for you land-locked folks) for the second day in a row. It ain't very often you see 8 to10 foot waves on the Atlantic coast of Florida...gotta take advantage of'em while they last.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Over the past couple of years I'm sure you've seen plenty of KP "life after high school" pics...marriage, honeymoon, kids, employment (usually involving a stripper pole), etc...but what about the college years?

College is a rite of passage, a time to grow up, a time to meet new people, and a time to discover your passion. On one side there's being away from home and on your own for the first time, dorm life, picking a major, and lecture upon endless lecture. On the flip-side there's party after party, drug use, and the floating of countless kegs...all the while surviving on Ramen noodles and Mountain Dew.

Ah, but let's not forget the most important part of the college experience: sexual experimentation.

In all truthfulness I was working on this one around the same time I did the "Here's to Hoping" one back in February, but it didn't exactly meet (displays middle finger) deviantART's (laughably) strict content requirements. For whatever reason it sat dormant, unfinished, and collecting dust until fairly recently when an old friend and I were chit-chatting about meeting one another during our college years. She ended up dropping out and going into the "adult entertainment industry"....but we'll save that story for another day.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What, you've never seen two female autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron dance before? And here ya'll were, thinking that "two to tango" was gonna be a euphemism....yuh buncha pervs. :D

On an side note: It may be a little while until I post anything of significance, what with Hurricane Irene headed this way. Not to worry though....this ain't my first rodeo.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Well, I'm now vacation-fresh and ready to start anew. Great. Right off the bat I make it sound like I'm endorsing laundry detergent: "Introducing new Vacation Fresh with extra strength stain-fighting power!"

When the beach beacons, transplanted Floridians and tourists tend to migrate towards the Atlantic (Eastern) coast with it's long, wide, white beaches. That's ok, if you like fighting the tourists for a parking spot, risking getting run over by the beach patrol, the (low-ish) potential of getting nibbled on by a shark, or staying in a "condo" that's really nothing more than an over-glorified hotel room. True Floridians however, we tend to migrate towards the West Coast. No, not Santa Monica, Malibu, or any other Californian beach-side shithole...the Gulf of Mexico. Sure, the beaches aren't as wide and you can forget about surfing unless a tropical storm (or worse) is coming, but the one thing that sets it apart from the other coast is...you ain't gonna be fighting for space with the tourists.

Personally, I like Manasota Key, which is often referred to as "Englewood Beach". There are only three small public beaches along the Key, but between them is pretty much private homes with a scattering of vacation rentals. Step off the back deck...and you're on the beach. If the sand isn't completely empty, the nearest person (other than the occasional jogger) is a hundred yards away....which definitely appeals to my loner / antisocial sensibilities. Thankfully it's also been spared of those giant, ten-story (or more), view-killing condominiums...unlike every other beach in Florida. Hell, the largest condo (which is all but condemned thanks to Hurricane Charlie back in '04...and thanks to some seriously strict zoning laws) is only four stories tall.

If you get up early enough and your timing is right, you'll get to see baby Loggerhead Turtles emerging from their nests as they make a dash for the water. Look all you want, take all the pictures you want, but don't touch'em....that is unless you don't mind being referred to as a convicted felon.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while...nor completed any colorings for various people (you know who you are). I could give some lame-ass, as-per-usual excuse such as "I just can't get motivated" or...ohhh, I dunno..."the dog ate my computer mouse", but that wouldn't be true. The motivation has been there...and I don't own a dog. I have actually been working on a few things, but not in any particular order and rather erratically....jumping from one thing to the other. Throw a dash of "my internet provider is retarded and incompetent" and the fact that (tomorrow) I'm starting the first vacation I've had in nearly three years...and there you go.

So, about five days ago my internet provider (who is also a major cable TV provider) is out "auditing" my neighborhood. Basically, they're out looking to see which of their customers (in rental properties...and I don't rent) still live there, who's stealing cable TV, and generally door-knocking and trying to sell people shit they don't need. They knock on my door, standard sales pitch ensues, I'm not interested, they're insistent, I slam door in their face. Is this the end of it? Nope, not by a long shot.

I watch cable dude walk across the street, unlock a ground-level junction box, and fiddle with something inside. I go back into my office and notice that my cable modem's lights are flashing....basically an error code saying, "Hey, I'm not working." I look back out the front window just in time to see cable dude driving away. Is it a coincidence that my internet went out and dude was fiddling around out there? I think not. "Oh, slam the door in my face will yuh....I'll show him" type of shit.

Flash-forward a few days. After repeated phone calls with "tech support" (out-sourced to some third-world shit-hole...not that I'd expect anything less from a huge company) and their customer (dis)service, I discover that shithead not only went out there and disconnected my cable line, but also put a note in their system that no one lives at my address. The voice at the other end of the phone was both (disingenuously and lethargically) sympathetic and apologetic, but assured me that someone would be out to rectify the situation as quickly as possible....in three to four days. My response: "Motherfucker, I live on a hilltop and can literally see the fenced yard where your company keeps it's fleet of vehicles not five minutes away. Not only will you NOT be coming out to fix it AND you've LOST a customer, but you can also GO FUCK YOURSELF! Have a nice day." *click*

Five minutes later I'm on the phone with a smaller local competitor. Got faster internet service with considerably less damage to my wallet , they were there within the hour (46 minutes to be exact) to install their equipment, and carted off the old companies' equipment to boot. Hell, the service guy picked up the old cable modem with thumb and index finger, held it away from him with mock disgust (like it was gonna give him an incurable venereal disease) and said, "Damn, they actually leased you this ancient thing? What an eff-in' dinosaur."

During the time I had Comcast I found it rather odd that the two times I had them out for a service call (other than the last time) both service guys went out of their way to inform me that "Comcast is trying to improve it's customer relations"....in those exact words. Simply changing their name to XFinity (whatever the hell that means or implies) isn't going to change peoples perception...and neither are empty words drilled into the heads of their employees to be repeated to customers.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Damn... Well, there you have it. Thanks to all you fine folks out in cyber-wonderland...there's a half million views. Oh gawd, I'm gettin' all misty eyed here.

So, anyway....on with the scantly clad (and less than scantly clad) toon goodness. Not unlike all the other big-even-numbers / milestones that have come and gone I didn't really have anything planned for the occasion, so....ummm....here's a de-noir'd Dr Mrs for you.

Like the previous one, this too is on (throws feces in their general direction) deviantART, but (oddly enough) was denied entry by Hentai Foundry. Gotta loves mods who are on a different sheet of music.

Monday, August 1, 2011

I was watching the Venture Bros season four episode "Everybody Comes to Hank's" (in which Hank discovers his inner film noir private dick) and thought to myself, who in the VB cast embodies such attitude and sexiness?

...'cause it sure as hell ain't Hank Venture.

Generally speaking, "film noir" are stylistic crime dramas with cynical attitudes and sexual overtones...mostly from the '40s and '50s. Most are high-end B-flicks that portray a hardboiled private detective hired (to track down a murderer, kidnapper, etc) by some good looking, socialite dame/broad who has attitude to match. Throw in a few tommy guns, a double or triple-cross, some 1920s era gangsters, a dirty cop or two....and there you go.

About the Artist

This blog originally began as a means of posting works that could not otherwise be shown on sites who found it less-than-palatable. I have since parted ways with those holier-than-thou websites and now all of my work is posted here. From adult artwork to photography and everything in between...it's all here.