Being fat and being healthy are not mutually exclusive events. Your eating and physical activity habits are (far) more important predictors of your health than a number on the scales.

Since we live in a time that says our body is an important part of who we are, believing or promoting this idea that fatness is bad is a recipe for body shame and emotional stress – two potent risk factors for overeating, fad dieting, mental illness, suicide and chronic disease.

Helping fat people to practice body and self-acceptance has been proven to enhance physical and mental health more so than dieting does. And no, self-acceptance does not make people eat ‘worse’ – research demonstrates the very opposite is actually true.

The idea that who we are is equal and enough may just be the most powerful tool we have invented to improve the health and wellbeing of our society as a whole.

And this time, the wellbeing of future generations falls on us.

[Note: This post originally claimed, “There is zero scientific evidence that diet and exercise results in significant weight loss in the long-term.” This was an exaggeration of the evidence and thus has been edited accordingly.]

How does this simple exercise work? Consider the following (and quite remarkable) scientific research:

Kindness increases happiness. Just thinkingaboutsendingkindness to othersrewires the brain in a positive way, and doing the exercise I described here boosts happiness levels, on average, by more than 10%.

Happiness, in turn, further increases kindness. For example, in controlled research it has been shown that you are 4 times more likely to help another after you have been made to feel good.

Happiness is highly contagious. If you become happy, you increase the probability that your next-door neighbour is happy by some 34%. Furthermore, becoming a new happy friend to someone can boost not only their long-term happiness by more than 4 times what them winning $15 000* would, it can even significantly boost the happiness of a friend, of a friend, of your friend!

Your emotions and behaviours are highly contagious. And because we live in extraordinarily complex social systems, they will spread far beyond what you can see, and have an impact on people who you will never meet.

How you live your life, matters.

More so than you can ever know.

[*estimated value after converting to $AU and accounting for inflation.]

Consider the Chinese proverb that tells the story of the Taoist farmer.

This farmer had only one horse, and one day that horse ran away. The neighbours came to condole over his terrible loss. The farmer said, “What makes you think it is so terrible?”

A month later, the horse came home, this time bringing with it two beautiful wild horses. The neighbours became excited at the farmer’s good fortune. The farmer said, “What makes you think this is good fortune?”

The farmer’s son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. All the neighbours were very distressed. The farmer said, “What makes you think it is bad?”

A war came, and every able-bodied man was conscripted and sent into battle. Only the farmer’s son remained. The neighbours congratulated the farmer. “What makes you think this is good?” said the farmer.

When you next find yourself feeling down about something external to you, worth remembering it may not actually be bad at all.

Indeed, what if it is exactly what’s required for you to create something exciting, wondrous and new?

Scientific research says that one of the key ingredients to your well-being is your ability to cultivate gratitude.

Being thankful for the experiences and people that give your life value and meaning is associated with an abundance of benefits, which include:

positiveemotionssuchasjoy,enthusiasm andlove,

increased optimism,

increasedactsofhelpfulness,generosityand co-operation,

a reduced risk of depression and anxiety,

the healing of old hurts and emotional suffering,

improvedimmunefunction and recovery from illness,

lowerbloodpressure and better physical health,

resilience and an enhanced ability to cope with stress,

protectionfromdestructiveimpulsessuch asenvy,resentment andgreed, and

greatly enhanced life satisfaction.

But here’s the irony of this post. If you decide to practice gratitude simply for self-improvements sake, or the act of practising gratitude feels like it’s a chore, then the effects will most likely not be as strong.

The real benefits come when our appreciation of the world we live in, and the people that we share it with, is genuine, deep and authentic.

If you want to cultivate authentic gratitude, I suggest you start with thinking, writing about or expressing with another, your admiration for:

the small, everyday things in life that bring us richness, love or joy,

the miraculous universe we live in,

the deep connectedness that we share with others and have with all living things,

the kindness, thoughtfulness and warmth experienced from someone around us, or

the inspiration we receive from others to share and spread this kindness.

At its core, I think that cultivating authentic gratitude within our lives comes down to a choice.

A choice that has nothing to do with your actual life circumstances, and everything to do with how you choose to interpret both the world, and the people that you share it with.

So when we decide to pursue higher self-esteem, we actually decide to follow a worldview that says, “Our self-worth can be changed and influenced by something external to us. Things like achievements and successes can determine our worthiness”.

The problem with this worldview is that it’s easy to live a life where we:

Feel we are not good enough (low self-esteem), or

Carry fear, anxiety or worry, because a future rejection or failure may mean we are no longer good enough (high self-esteem).

With unconditional self-acceptance, we understand self-worth does not come with any terms and conditions. Instead, we see that we are already enough, and accept ourselves for all of who we are.

Finding unconditional self-acceptance

We move away from the pursuit of higher self-esteem and towards unconditional self-acceptance when we truly believe:

My self-worth can never be rated using external criteria. Doing so is illogical: I am already enough.

There is no rational reason for me to feel bad about or change the core of who I am. Any “imperfections” I have actually help to make me more unique, special and truly beautiful.

My actions, achievements and failures can be rated and improved when they help me to live a more fulfilling life. They can not be used to define me or my worthiness.

Mistakes are normal. Indeed, they are essential for my journey, growth and development.

I am so much more than the thoughts, opinions and judgements of others. Opinions and judgements can not define me, as they are only a reflection of the person who is doing the judging.

Change your beliefs, change your world

Make no mistake. The journey towards unconditional self-acceptance is a difficult one.

For most of us, it requires a change to the core beliefs that we hold about ourselves. Beliefs that are very different to what much of society tells us is true. And indeed, I still struggle with it, almost every day.

But it is so important.

The benefits of self-acceptance

Unconditional self-acceptance is often the pathway for:

Letting go of comparison, and being mindful and grateful for what you have right now.

Overcoming the anxiety that comes from hiding who you truly are, and finding the courage to be your authentic self.

Rising above the fear of failure, and finding confidence and belief within yourself to pursue what you really want in this life.

Seeing that rejection does not ever mean you are unworthy, inadequate or unlovable, and helping you to find hope and resilience during difficult times.

Being vulnerable and open with others, and inviting the opportunity for you to cultivate a deeper sense of connection.

Letting go of judgement, and allowing the creativity, skills and talents that lie within you to be seen and blossom.

Self-acceptance: the gift that keeps on giving

The last (but for me, most important) outcome of unconditional self-acceptance is that it helps us to become more accepting of others, too:

When we see ourselves as enough, we get better at seeing others as enough.

When we do not judge ourselves, we get better at not judging others.

When we no longer feel bad or insecure about who we are, we lose the need to make others feel bad or insecure about who they are.

When we become accepting of those around us, we give them the most amazing gift: we help them to see that they are enough, and should be so proud and accepting for all of who they are, too. And with greater self-acceptance, they can also help to spread this gift.

The very first step to making the world a more accepting place is to be the change that you want to see in the world: become more accepting of you.