1. Doormen and other attendants mean that I never have to either do anything for myself, or ever forget how special I am.

2. Gym in the building means that there’s a 32 percent chance that I might actually work out.

3. Often a bar nearby.

You see the problem. Please, everyone, send your good energy into this place that we’re waiting on right now. Otherwise, we’re going to have to move into the Addam’s Family House. It’s the only place that boasts genuine opportunity for terror and doormen.