We have to hand it to Naughty Boy for being so patently aware of what keeps him relevant. The producer-slash-perpetual-12-year-old is still talking about his feud with One Direction member Louis Tomlinson, all while insisting that he is So. Over. It.

During an interview with U.K. television show Celebrity Juice, Zayn Malik's only friend allegedly said, "Talking about it is obviously not my problem, the problem is that something doesn't deserve the attention, someone like Louis is not in my radar of anything." (All quotes taken from J-14.) Considering the back-and-forth provocation between the two — which climaxed with the saddest interference we've ever seen when Zayn told Louis to stop "making bitchy comments" about his life — we do not believe him.

Naughty Boy then went on to play the victim, calling One Direction fans rude haters who insist on bullying him.

"It’s relentless, if this was a playground I’d be like the weird nerd guy," he said. "Because [the fans are] young you can’t really say anything back, so if you say something back to a little girl it’s like bullying, so I don’t say anything. I haven’t said anything about the band."

Soccer player Jimmy Bullard was a guest on the show and is also, coincidentally, one of Louis' friends. He offered to call the boybander up and let them hash things out right there, which would have made for excellent television, but Naughty Boy disappointed producers everywhere when he declined. He allegedly got defensive and said, "No, you don't need to do that." And like, no one really needs to do anything except eat and breathe in order to sustain life, you know?

Louis must have caught wind of Naughty Boy's appearance because he passive-aggressively tweeted to Bullard, writing, "seems I have a missed call from you mate !!"

Do famous people not have each other's phone numbers? This is all very public and embarrassing.