Scheana Marie

Of course, the union of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian was the biggest “to do” of them all, but not necessarily in a good way. From parading their terrible fashions (again and again and again) all over Paris and Florence to throwing a tacky wedding reception, it was an exhausting time for us all.

Believe it or not, eleven other couples DARED to get married the same year as KANYE WEST. If you search, there’s probably an epic, egotistical rant on the internet about it. Anyway, the “other” wedding ceremonies, receptions, dresses ranged from tasteless to exquisite, and everything in between.

Last night the over-grown adolescents of Vanderpump Rules made the trek to Miami for Scheana Marie‘s bachelorette party. Naturally the thing to do is to also invite your Maid of Honor’s mortal enemy, who also happens to be on the FBI watch-list for stalking – just to make sure everyone has an unforgettable time! If Kristen Doute were a superhero her power would be stealing fun. Except Kristen is not a superhero – she’s a super villain.

Packing for the trip Shay, the lumbering manhulk of sullen drudgery, finally speaks. Holding up a pair of flamboyant swim trunks, he looks down at his open suitcase, then at Scheana and mumbles, “This is really setting in right now.” Yep – one step closer to being Mr. Scheana Marie Almost Famous. Score!

The other problematic goings-on is Jax Taylor. Just that very morning Jax apparently ran head-first into a glass door, busting open his forehead. Now he looks even more like a scientific experiment where the world’s most attractive man is turned into a Frankenstein monster of evil. Peter recognizes this is not gonna be good.

Ariana Madix usually doesn’t let the nonsense of Vanderpump Rules phase her too much. As the general port of calm in the storm, she refrains from mixing herself up in the drama of insane asylum inmates populating Lisa Vanderpump‘s restaurant.

But last week’s episode? That was the episode that made Ariana snap. Apparently it had to do with birthdays, Jax Taylor‘s lies, and Stassi Schroederacting like they’re all nobodies to her elevated status of fully actualized adult human being.

Lisa Vanderpump deos not hold grudges – she holds you at arm’s length until you are reduced to begging and then even still she may or may not less you pick up Giggy’s poop. In the case of Brandi Glanville, Lisa clarifies that no amount of begging is going to undo what’s been done, but she did try to move forward, but Lisa wants to clear up some mistruths, misunderstandings, and flat-out lies as well!

First of all, Lisaagreed explains she decided to attend Brandi’s housewarming for the sake of the group – and to beat them at their own game. It worked. “I decided to go to the party as I knew–and from seeing this footage of the group–that if I didn’t, I would be the topic of conversation, so arriving with a bottle of champagne stops it in its tracks.”

“Now the conversation with Brandi’s parents I thought was sweet–the way they were obviously aware that our relationship was no longer a positive one. Her mother, who I had invited to join us at dinner previously, a sweet woman, gently tried to explain how Brandi works, hurting feelings and then apologizing,” Lisa continues. “It’s just unfortunate at this time. I am not interested. The friendship was not deep enough to weather that kind of storm.” O-U-C-H.

Is anyone confused about what is going on with Stassi Schroeder? She was always a delusional, self-righteous, self-important mess, but this season of Vanderpump Rules she is missing a link. Also, not getting it: Jax Taylor who continues to have terrible troubles with the truth!

Since Stassi doesn’t rank as important this season she doesn’t get a fancy trip to celebrate her birthday – instead it’s a wine tasting with all of her “friends” from SUR. Stassi believes this means she’s “growing up.” because she’s celebrating her birthday without tantrums and whiny hissyfits. OK, then.

Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to social media to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from this week. Enjoy!

Does denial grow on trees in sunny California? What about psychosis? I mean, it must, right if Vanderpump Rules is any indication of life in LA. Last night Katie Maloney had an awakening and Tom Sandoval had a’shakening when he realized that Kristen Doute really is stalking him and he is going to end up the subject of a cautionary tale seen on Lifetime. Hey – I’d watch, but only if they cast an actor with better hair.

Lisa Vanderpump is swanning around Villa Blanca, pruning roses, whistling while she works, conversing with birds when one of her 7 gnomes – Sleazy – arrives. Jax Taylor is just hoping for some free food – and some permission to start “banging” the new hostess Vail. Lisa immediately attempts to put the breaks on that notion by snipping the pruning sheers near Jax’s poker.

Before Lisa even has the opportunity to take off her transparent unicorn leather gardening gloves (special edition Gucci), gnome 2 – Sniffly – arrives to burst in to tears. Katie blames being allergic to decent human beings and scents other than stale booze for her watery eyes. She tells Lisa that Tom 2 would rather have Jax in his life than Katie, but she doesn’t want to be alone. What if she turns into Kristen?!

First up, Katie tackled the confounding matter of Kristen “Kritter” Doute and the little train of crazy that keeps gaining steam. Katie says contrary to what Kristen believes, she doesn’t hate her over cheating scandals – it’s just everything else about her personality that sucks!

“I’m not holding a grudge or punishing Kristen for sleeping with Jax. Kristen really did make our lives hell at times, it was just not good. Unfortunately you don’t get to see all of that,” Katie explains. “I know that Kristen was hurt at the end of her and Tom [Sandoval]‘s relationship. I don’t think she was taking into consideration her part of the deterioration. I think that Tom is absolutely happy with Ariana and Kristen should try to find that for herself.”