T”was the night before Christmas, and it happened to be a Friday. Which in the ancient town of Whitby meant only one thing. Black Eyed Friday.

This is a tradition we still like to uphold. Raucously and for no other good reason than we can.
It’s Ok for the ladies to join in too, as lets face it we don’t like to be left out of anything these days.
So every last Friday before the turkey gets properly stuffed and consumed, the badge of merit to sit down with on Christmas day is a nice shiner.

Traditionally the last Friday was when workers finished for the holiday period and knocked 7 bells out of each other and got a little scrappy letting off steam.

Bad behaviour is not just the preserve of the men. Oh no we is subtle and all know someone who’s had a wee on the swing bridge So this is from the girls, and with this in mind here’s a round up of all things drunken and places we love. There’s something for everyone as we are properly spoilt for choice these days.

The Moon and Sixpence.
Lovely, its got chandeliers. Excellent for spotting big girls in small dresses, and men with glassy eyes and over styled hair. You can get olives and they don’t sell pork scratchings. Perfect for sitting outside with a fag and saying doesn’t the sea look black tonight.

The Ship
Don’t know never been in this one and daren’t. Apparently good for pool and the one place where having breasts makes you totally superfluous. Its still holding out in the style stakes as being totally not interested.

Harry’s Bar
We were won over from the start as it has a table with a hole in specifically for Champagne. Its a little bit grown up and has nice upholstery. You can sit outside and say ‘don’t the fish sheds look good in the moonlight?’

The Pier
Has a really nice cigarette machine and really doesn’t mind loud behaviour. My friend likes to try and do the splits there and show her g string and no one pays that much attention. Apart from older men who have no front teeth and are easily charmed.

The Shambles
Good for lots of men who come in groups and probably won’t talk to you. Feels like your in Leeds, or ‘somewhere big’. Also for watching people who’ve had too much to drink trying to get off the sofa’s.

Black Swan/Mucky Duck
No night is complete without swinging by this one. Always seems to encourage loud filthy mouth behaviour. If you like dressing like X Factor judges and ‘shaming’ your friends here is the perfect backdrop. When it first got video jukeboxes people used to dance round it.

Beez
Or Pramface. Easy access for prams. When you get drunk with the baby as its easier to walk in straight line when your pushing the buggy. Shocking. But then so is giving birth.

The Jolly Sailors
We wish. Its warm and a best kept secret. The stout is excellent. And so is Gary who likes to stand in the yard swaying with cigarette shouting ‘ahm Whitby born an bred’ at any opportunity.

The Dolphin
Excellent for sitting outside and berating any men who drive by with sideburn’s (apart from fit ones)
Then abusing anyone’s husband who comes to pick them up.

The Marine
Love the marble, but we wish all those couples from Leeds and Bradford would take their bad highlights and fake designer handbags somewhere else.

So there will be very high shoes, gel nails and no coats no matter what the weather throws at the ladies. The least fabric and the straighter the hair the better. A bit of fake tan and some Pinot and we’re off. What men don’t seem to appreciate is that Whitby is possibly the least stiletto friendly place in the UK apart from Ben Nevis.

It takes a lot to get noticed round here and research proves that women in the North wear their skirts on average 8 inches shorter than the South. Not that it makes us more common, no not at all. We have to take more off before men realise we’re here. And that means no coats. Or fancy dress, Moulin Rouge is a good one, or any excuse to dress like strippers works too.

So what happens when normal respectable ladies go out? Well sometimes they end up in the Co-op car park with a bar man. Or fall off their expensive wedges and insist on lager tops because just saying its funny, in Rosies at two in the morning. Why wouldn’t you?

This year we went for Christmas dinner. Someone ordered Champagne and someone got specific about the size of the ice bucket ‘We need a large one’. The conversation turned to Asda’s excellent
sparkling wine. Then there was shuffling of bags under the table. Soon a bottle emerged and there were complaints ‘Its warm’. Well of course it was it had been sweating in a Dolce and Gabanna handbag. Anyway whilst my jaw dropped it got whisked into the very large ice bucket and consumed. The speed and smoothness of the operation was impressive.

So although the police will say ‘ooh no we’re not really expecting any trouble and its far worse in Scarborough’ and the Whitby Gazette will write something dull. We, on the other hand, will be expecting mounted policemen because it makes for better photo’s.

Nothing beats it. Apart from us getting to watch you getting your lights knocked out on Black Eyed Friday.