Shizuo: Not that I havenít heard people say "I love you" to me, but I donít even know if they counted as women or not. Tom: Hmm? Have you been going to gay bars or transsexual clubs? Shizuo: No, thatís not what I meant. I mean, they hardly counted as humans to begin with. More like sharp objects...

I'm having a problem with Debra, my computer. We used to be sweet friends - we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a warm time.

But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Debra, and less and less time with Patricia, my wife who is now full of trepidation because of my bond with Debra. It's not as if I don't love Patricia - the wife - any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Debra does. And I can't just boot Patricia out. Any suggestions?

Captain Kirk: ...and then there was Carol. I was on the fast track for command... but the way I felt about her... I was almost ready to give it all up... almost. Xill: So why are you here? Where is she? Captain Kirk: That's a complicated story. But the memory of her drives me to try harder with the new female in my life... the Enterprise. Xill: Your ship is your girlfriend? Creepy...

I put my MySpace sexuality status to "not sure" mostly because I just love that that's an option. Who is that for? Who is so confused about their sexuality that they have no idea? Is it some guy who's saying "Dude, I just jerked off to my stove. What was that all about?"

— Nick Swardson

Doctor Mrs. The Monarch: What the hell is that thing doing in our bed? Get it out of there! The Monarch: (smacks her hand away) Don't you f ***ing touch her! Doctor Mrs. The Monarch: Whoa. What's the matter with you? Monarch: You're just jealous! That's what's going on here! You - you never supported me and Butter-Glider! EVER! Doctor Mrs. The Monarch: Okay, wow. I wrote this off as some kinda midlife crisis kinda thing, but this, this is - they don't even have a name for what this is!

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