ahh, sunday morning… a frame of time, with a sentiment that seems to be so consistent. regardless of what i actually do, sunday morning has a unique role in the week. today, i am simply laying in bed, half propped up, using two pillows to do so. i have my knees bent up and i am using my thighs my stomach as a base for my powerbook. it is actually quit comfortable, and since i have experienced this time and time again, i don’t think i will ever be able to go without a laptop computer. to the right of me i have some coffee, it is pretty cool right now since i have been busy surfing, and reading other people’s blogs. either way though, taking a sip here and there is quite fulfilling. as for music, i am listening to the new m83 album, through my tiny powerbook speakers, which normally sound really bad, but today they sound just right. mind you, i really do need to purchase some fairly small, high quality headphones for situations like this and for a work. my ear buds are just too crappy, to actually get lost in the music, but they are better than nothing!! this weekend all in all has been pretty relaxing, and it’s been great. last night i just observed other people trying to escape their daily lives, break loose, and have a bit of fun. normally i would of been right in there, but last night, i just listened from a distance, and it was great. i guess everyone is on a specific page in their lives, but with me, i seem to be out on my own – well sort of… i can think of two people that are in similar situations right now, but all with their unique set of challenges. so, i guess i am trying to say that i am out on my own here, and that i could team up with others who are on separate pages, but there really isn’t a point, since i have already experienced those. so it’s just me, experiencing my life as it is right now, going with the flow; however, staying on the track i have set out for myself (i just hope i won’t regret anything).

so maybe i blogged my thoughts a bit too early, i guess i figured things wouldn’t work out… but in the end they did, dre came out, and i thank him for it… i had a good time for sure, i enjoyed the bands and the ‘mini-night’ even turned out… well the show was sold out.. but there were 3 girls in line who had two tickets.. but ended up selling them to us, kuz the third girl couldn’t get in… now that’s a long story that i don’t want to get into (the whole bouncer trying to make a buck, etc.. then denying it all… i’ll get into if you guys want… comment at your will ) but all in all.. the night was good… nothing crazy or stupid or overly memorable happened, but it was good to get out and support the local indie music scene, even if pitchfork has already included black mountain’s lp into their best new music list… it was kool… i liked how they really extended out the instrumentals in their music; it was interesting to engage in a different take on how they would play their music with a live audience. also, with Daddy’s Hands, the band before them, it was kool to see how they created those abstract sounds that you hear on albums.. how they pulled their guitar strings differently or whatever… any way you look at it, it was nice to see and great to gain a better appreciation for the music performed live… seeing the real people and the real instruments in work. overall, cheers to black mountain, the girls that sold us their tickets, dre for coming out, and to me for maintaining interest despite the circumstances at hand. coming soon, pictures and movies, if they turned out. ahh fuck, the good ones didn’t save, must be the fact i bought a shitie memory card, or maybe my camera just likes to deceive me… fuck it, it sucks but i dunno how to resolve the problem.. so.. i am going to goto sleep… gnite.

yup, to follow up, what can i say; i can’t tell if people are genuine or not. looks like dre has backed out on me with regards to going to the Black Mountain show tonight. i guess in the back of my mind i already knew he would, but i just wanted to believe that he would be kool enough to actual do something with me that i wanted to do – considering i have no friends in this fucken city besides him. i dunno, it just makes me angry that he will go out of his way to entertain his new friends, but wont even go to some chill show with me. now the only reason i know about the black mountain show tonight is because of Mitch, who is actually pretty kool. she has been more than helpful and seems to be good friend material. but still she can’t be one of the boys, and i guess neither can dre. now to my boys back home… i wish you were here dudes, you’d all enjoy the show tonight… and we’d have such a good time. miss ya guys. cheers.

UPDATE 20:14: ok, so dre’s group meeting just cancelled for tonight, and he just offered to go again, so i guess he just had his priorities set, which i can’t really hold against him. so off to black mountain i go, hope it’s a good show. peace.

i can feel it, i can feel myself changing and it’s draining me. it must be; there is no other explanation why i am beat ass tired at 8:30. i even caught myself feeling the urge to thank andrei for his help tonight, when typically this has always been an unspoken appreciation. it’s always been like that with my friends; you just know the other person means well and that you appreciate each other. but working in this office setting is changing me. people thank and apologize for everything, it’s like if you don’t people will not help you out next time. but why? everyone knows everyone means well, and everyone knows that they all need to get along to accomplish our goals, so why the need for this unnecessary thanking back and forth. i dunno it just seems all so superfluous. but maybe that’s how it is in the real world, people simply need to appear as if they care, while actually they may or may not, and that’s all that matters. the problem is, i sometimes find it hard to determine if people are being genuine with me or if it is just bullshit… i dunno… but i am changing… and it’s scaring me… so here’s what i am going to do… i am going to continue to learn how to express my appreciation for ‘favours’ that people do for me but I will NOT become some over apologetic or over thankful fake.

at last a whole saturday to myself. i haven’t had one of these since the eighteenth day of last month. it just feels relaxing and comforting to just sit on my futon, while i listen to music, drink some coffee, and occasionally watch the rain out of the corner of my eye. i was in need for a day like this and now one is here. today will be a day that will allow me to become re-centred and focused, so i can continue to build upon myself. it will be a day of refection, and a day that will let the rain take any anxieties away. new goals and a refreshing of my personal aspirations may even be discovered today, since i will not be preoccupied with a flow of others. today is about me, and whatever i end up doing will produce a positive result. cheers!

The curiosity was so awesome from a pair of forces flawlessly equal in magnitude. Their actions were running in parallel; yet their origins completely unknown. With a quick glance and then a pause; their feelings became mutual and a sense of bliss filled their world.

Individual essences became shared; their behaviour so unique amongst the ambience. An inaudible conversation occurred; taking on various forms that went beyond the capability of any spoken word. Body language and dallied actions were screaming out lucid feelings, while suddenly traditional signs of commitment became the keynote of the occurrence.

Despite the observation, their demeanours remained to be increasingly engaged; while their fingers struggled to find objects to fiddle. They noticed the individual actions of each other; both taking turns participating in a implicit succession of personal disclosure.

Then in an instant, the occurrence was over and they somehow knew the event served a particular purpose. Although the conjuncture appeared to be simply coincidental, it touched them on levels beyond a simple unplanned crossing of paths.

this is an image snaped at the top of grouse mountain overlooking the city of vancouver.

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hmm, i need a way to intergrate images into this blog without not really needing reflect on the photo, but allowing you guys to… hmm.. flickr does this but.. hmm.. i want something more home brew and in my control… and so far i have only set up gallery…. so the pictures go through this process: real life, to camera, to iphoto, to gallery, to here… kinda long and there should be a more simple way. ideally i want my blog to have a side bar of images, that automatically appear at random (or even in chronological order), and yeah.. you click the image.. and you can then comment on it… and read a description of the image if one is provided… i dunno, i’ll figure something out… kuz i want this blog to still be largely text based.. maybe i just need to use flickr for my photos… well the ones i want to share… i can still archive with gallery…

well i am going to attempt to do my first WP upgrade, this should be a minor upgrade, since i am only going to move from version 1.2.0 to 1.2.2… i figured this would be the best way to notice how many ‘hacks’ i have done to my WP files over the past six months (to combat spammers, etc)… this way i will be able to document them, and know what needs to be done to move to the current CVS version of 1.5… so just a heads up.. if some functionality is down, or if the looks have changed. i’ll keep you all posted… cheers.

so last night, we furnished our apartment!! dre, got a lead on some beds, so we bought two. we then moved my futon into the living room, and morphed it into a wonderful sitting device rather than lumpy sleeping contraption. we then went to fabricland, fabricland! and got some fabric to cover the futon… next stop was value village, where we found 3 awesome chairs for $12.99 each. why stop there, the car still had enough room to see out the windows… so we went to canadian tire, and got a rug, some window plastic stuff and laundry baskets. this was perfect, we got everything.. now none of it matches, not even with the coffee table and side tables (or whatever they are called) dre bought last week. but ohh well, it’s fun being economical and creative. so it looks like we are pretty much ‘set’ now. the apartment is now more liveable.

ps. images will be coming shortly, as soon as i get a chance to intergrate iphoto, flickr, gallery, wordpress, etc. nicely all together – producing a big, happy, organized family of textual and visual narrative

’tis a sad day, feelings of pain, regret, fear and; fuck, this sucks man… that girl deserved so much more… i did not know her that well.. but from what i did.. i knew that girl was kool… that she was a good person… and i wish i would of know her more… and that she would of known me… it sucks that people get burned when they take initiative and make changes to be better as a person… laura needed to not be around that asshole… she needed be free… she deserves better…. and now its too late… she will miss out on so much… and that fucken dick better rot in hell… laura had something sweet about her, she had a spark, a smile and a face that would make anyone just feel good inside… i enjoyed just being around her… she had an aura that would just make me get goose bumps… i always thought it was kool that alley was good friends with her… and that jordan had a crush on her.. and that… i think i did too… i’ll miss her man… i’ll miss that i missed out on getting to know her better… this is fucked up man…. the first murder of 2005 in london was a girl so interconnected with me… and that the murderer was too… this truly sucks… and i hope larua will connect with someone… and inspire them to make all the right decisions…. her angel will make a difference… it will, she will, i want to believe that is the only way… love is equal to hate and that is shit… fuck hate…

laura, cheers, and i dunno what else to say, but here’s a hug, one that feels so comforting, meaningful, and right. my heart, arms, thoughts and feelings out to you. candles are lighten and memories remembered and will always be remembered. peace girl. < hug >