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Friday, June 17, 2011

I Don't Even Know What to Name This

I'm a fixer by nature. That's supposed to be a male attribute, but it's the female in me that hates conflict, hates drama (imagine that), and hates heartache, and I'd gladly go through the awkwardness or the uncomfortableness of fixing things rather than live with that heartache. I want resolution. I want things mended. I want things fixed.

And when you have a broken leg - people can fix it. Most conflict between people, there can be found resolution. Broken lamp, toy, table... fix it (Ok, or buy a new one, still fixes the problem), but I'm learning more and more that there are some things that we just can't fix.

And right now I'd say my heart is shattered, trampled, crumpled... broken. And I'm not sure there's much to do to fix it. But maybe that's not our jobs... maybe it's not even in our power. This fallen world we live in is a breeding ground for broken hearts. In fact, I'd say whether we know it or not there is always turmoil in and around us, the only joy and peace that we feel is that given to us by God.

It seems everywhere I look there is unexpected death, unexpected pain, unexpected conflict, and quite frankly, you'd think we'd start to expect it. That's what this world is about now... and what it's been about since sin entered in millenniums ago.

Often times people fail us, life fails us, but God never does. And I'll be honest and say that sometimes it's hard for me to distinguish the feelings I get from this world between the feelings God and I have towards one another... but I have to remind myself that God is pleased, smiling, jubilant even, over us... He's an encourager... He pushes us to persevere... He is our strength in our weakness... He keeps us going when we feel we cannot. And it's in this place that character is built, faith is strengthened, and bonds become more intimate. And for that I must be thankful.

Psalm 34:17-18
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

2 comments:

Amen, sister! I have been learning a lot about what it means to put our trust in God, and our faith in what Jesus has done for us, and not man. People will fail us, because people are of a sin nature. Our hope and joy must come straight from the Father above, and not in a friendship, or a relationship, or even in a respectful observance with/of anyone.

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About Me

Writing is the window to who I am and who I aspire to be. In short, I'm Alicia, I'm a christian, a wife, and a mother. I believe in relational ministry, have often been afraid of failure, and am making it my prerogative to become more ambitious and to risk failing to achieve goals. I love hockey, baseball, good music, cooking occasionally, talking about Jesus and ministry, laughing, and current issues. Come visit to talk about them all!