Hi everyone...it's been a really long time since I've even lurked here...don't even know if anyone will remember me...but I need to check in with some people who I know will get at least parts of what's happening right now....

It's been over a year since the last time I cut...been doing the whole baby steps thing...am pretty much out of the mire of depression...but recently struggling with anxiety although have still been able to keep things under control...and then last night happened...

I went out with some friends to listen to a band and have a drink...well, while we were there, some random guy asked me to dance...and I actually did... I was even having fun dancing and talking (and refusing his offer to leave with him) until he started trying to kiss me...at first I just turned my face so he kissed my cheek, but then he basically forced me not to turn my head. I managed to keep it together enough to tell him I needed to go sit for a while (with my friends...not him) and then didn't dance anymore...but he came by our table later and gave me his #... Anyway...today I have been having horrible anxiety...almost to the point of panic attacks...which I have never had before. I don't know what to do or think...and i want to CUT so much right now......

K

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz

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7 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Hi everyone (may trigger sa/si)Hi everyone...it's been a really long time since I've even lurked here...don't even know if anyone will remember me...but I need to check in with some people who I know will get at least parts of what's happening right now....

It's been over a year since the last time I cut...been doing the whole baby steps thing...am pretty much out of the mire of depression...but recently struggling with anxiety although have still been able to keep things under control...and then last night happened...

I went out with some friends to listen to a band and have a drink...well, while we were there, some random guy asked me to dance...and I actually did... I was even having fun dancing and talking (and refusing his offer to leave with him) until he started trying to kiss me...at first I just turned my face so he kissed my cheek, but then he basically forced me not to turn my head. I managed to keep it together enough to tell him I needed to go sit for a while (with my friends...not him) and then didn't dance anymore...but he came by our table later and gave me his #... Anyway...today I have been having horrible anxiety...almost to the point of panic attacks...which I have never had before. I don't know what to do or think...and i want to CUT so much right now......

It's awful when someone invades your life in such a SA type way. It stirs up other stuff.

I am so glad you had the strength to get away and go back where it was safe.

I am also proud of you for coming back here and reaching out. Its much harder to reach out then it is to SI. I hope you can see your over a year time invested in using healthy coping skills, helped you to handle this intrusion into your life.

As for tonight dear one, breath. Hug Mr. E and curl up and rest. If that doesn't work a hot/cold/hot/cold shower should help nip the urge to injure.

I know for me when its been a while between injuries if I use the snapping the rubber band on my forearm, it will satisfy the urge and it won't leave another scar.

It's awful when someone invades your life in such a SA type way. It stirs up other stuff.

I am so glad you had the strength to get away and go back where it was safe.

I am also proud of you for coming back here and reaching out. Its much harder to reach out then it is to SI. I hope you can see your over a year time invested in using healthy coping skills, helped you to handle this intrusion into your life.

As for tonight dear one, breath. Hug Mr. E and curl up and rest. If that doesn't work a hot/cold/hot/cold shower should help nip the urge to injure.

I know for me when its been a while between injuries if I use the snapping the rubber band on my forearm, it will satisfy the urge and it won't leave another scar.

Thank you for not making me feel crazy for being totally weirded out by this experience. Made it through the night ok. Already had an appointment with my T later this week so am going to figure out how to talk to him about it.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz

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Report This| Share this:Hi everyone (may trigger sa/si)Thank you for not making me feel crazy for being totally weirded out by this experience. Made it through the night ok. Already had an appointment with my T later this week so am going to figure out how to talk to him about it.

hi washedaway- not sure if we ever met so hello!...ive been away for ahile myself - but ive been there. you feel violated and you may even feel you are fault. you most definitely are not! and to echo DD, you have built up your strength and courage this past year and you should be proud of how you handled the situation.

keep your head up and dont let this creep get in the way of your goals. dont let him leave anything more than a fleeting memory. thanks for sharing, i know that can be scary but its best to get these things out and not let them fester inside of us. much love

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Report This| Share this:Hi everyone (may trigger sa/si)hi washedaway- not sure if we ever met so hello!...ive been away for ahile myself - but ive been there. you feel violated and you may even feel you are fault. you most definitely are not! and to echo DD, you have built up your strength and courage this past year and you should be proud of how you handled the situation.

keep your head up and dont let this creep get in the way of your goals. dont let him leave anything more than a fleeting memory. thanks for sharing, i know that can be scary but its best to get these things out and not let them fester inside of us. much love

Hi K! Good to see you although I'm sorry you are struggling. I agree with P and commend you on getting yourself out of what could have turned into a really bad situation. (((Hugs)))

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Report This| Share this:Hi everyone (may trigger sa/si)Hi K! Good to see you although I'm sorry you are struggling. I agree with P and commend you on getting yourself out of what could have turned into a really bad situation. (((Hugs)))

Thanks for the response! Appreciate the encouragement very very much. Talked to some in person friends today, too...a big part of the work i've done over the last year is cultivating relationships where i can actually talk about real life...even when real life is ugly. reaching out is hard...thanks for being there to hear me.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz

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Report This| Share this:Hi everyone (may trigger sa/si)Thanks for the response! Appreciate the encouragement very very much. Talked to some in person friends today, too...a big part of the work i've done over the last year is cultivating relationships where i can actually talk about real life...even when real life is ugly. reaching out is hard...thanks for being there to hear me.

Hi OTW! Good to see you, too. Thanks for the encouragement...means a lot to me to have people here to offer support even when I haven't been around in a while. (((hugs back)))

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz

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Report This| Share this:Hi everyone (may trigger sa/si)Hi OTW! Good to see you, too. Thanks for the encouragement...means a lot to me to have people here to offer support even when I haven't been around in a while. (((hugs back)))

of course! and thanks to you too...ive been going through a tough spot myself and what you said about cultivating relationships to talk about real life...i am missing that...thanks for that (HUGS)

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Report This| Share this:Hi everyone (may trigger sa/si)of course! and thanks to you too...ive been going through a tough spot myself and what you said about cultivating relationships to talk about real life...i am missing that...thanks for that (HUGS)

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