Drawing One of 100 mandalas of what the inside of my heart looks like.

My notes -

I think the mandala must be done because I cannot bring myself to draw any more on it. I am going to scan it and see if it comes out legible. And then I have been collecting all these clippings to make into a collage and now I can't figure out how I want to do the collage. The mandala feels too one dimensional and too simplistic to me, and I want the clippings to be a part of it, but I can't think of a good way to integrate them together. I had thought about tearing the mandala up and then reassembling it with the clippings in the gaps. And I might do it that way. But I am thinking that the whole thing needs some depth, a three dimensional quality of some sort, and I don't quite know how to add that into the mix too... so... anyway...

Well it scanned in just fine. The colors don't look quite the same as the real thing, the tree is actually copper colored and the sheen doesn't come thru, it isn't quite that bright, but you get the idea. It is visually interesting, but looks rather empty to me, and unfinished. I guess the inside of my heart is rather empty... unfinished even.

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I think your mandala is very beautiful - it says a great deal, and if I were you, which I'm not and you haven't asked for my opinion, its finished and its perfect. The emptiness is what makes it palpable and real, and so powerful - and though our connotation of emptiness is usually sad or negative, it is (in my own belief system) the goal, the destination, the doorway. So, that is my opinion - it is wonderful, you should frame it and you should hang it in a place of particular interest in your own house - and my suggestion would be - MORE, do more things like this.

Have you been drawing? Maybe tonight you could. I still vividly remember your mandala - it has stuck with me - you really need to do art Shirley. Every possible available minute you don't spend on doing art is a waste of time - that is my unsolicited opinion. And I don't mean to bring up for you all the time you can't do art, because obviously you need to eat and the people in your life have to come first. But the other times, and I know those times intimately. The times when you are at loose ends or just waiting in an office or tempted to switch off by plugging into something. It is a cure and a tonic and a form of alchemy. It is no mystery as to why we avoid doing it.

OK. Tonight I will work at my art inbetween phone calls. It really encourages me to know that the mandala stuck with you because I was really thinking of relegating it to the status of pointless scribbling to pass the time. So, now I will give myself more credit, and do some more.

I just spent the last 3 days learning how to recolor objects for my Sims game. So that took care of my creative urge. And who knows, maybe one day it will pay off. What I did do was make an appointment for some hypnotherapy. I go in next thursday.

Ok... Well this should make you happy. I have 2 new pictures. Count them... One... Two... I was very encouraged by what you had to say about the first one and so here you are.

The Inside My Heart 02 is, I think, my best one. It has a wonderfully disturbing quality. Well, you'll see. The other one, Leap and a Net Will Appear is the one I did last night. and I don't quite know what I think of it yet. I would have done a few more things, but you can't color too many times on top of crayon, it just doesn't show. It came out very close to what I had in my mind, so ... well... I don't know if that's good or not.

Anyway, now you got me drawing... and thinking about doing some acutal painting - with paints and everything.

Ok...Gotta go. Let me know what you think. You are the only person who has seen them thus far.

About this blog

Several years ago I did a series of 99 drawings that I called Middle of the Night Art. That series, and the dialoge between my sister and myself brought me to a place where I finally began to really understand my art, my spirituality, and a sense of who I am in the world. I'm sharing the art and that dialogue here.

My sister's responses, as well as my own, are posted as comments. And I'd love to hear what anyone else has to say.