"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them" Maya Angelou

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You can choose your toppings!

When I went to my favourite frozen yoghurt place this week, I experienced an epiphanic moment!

It’s a place I have been to countless times before. In fact I discovered the place with my ex-husband and I would go with him and order the same mango yoghurt everytime; mainly because it was HIS favourite and I went along with it. Yes I went with the flow, as I often do, and the mango became ‘my favourite’ too.

Even though we are divorced and my ex-husband (that word tastes good in my mouth) is long gone, I have stuck with the mango. Sometimes I have pushed the boat out a little and gone for other safe, fruity options like maybe a mango or watermelon smoothie.

This week I went for a chocolate hazelnut frozen yoghurt with four different and exciting toppings! I remember my ex-husband frowning in disapproval at the idea of chocolate yoghurt and toppings too. Why would one have the healthy option of frozen yoghurt and then defame it with sugary toppings was his mentality.

I didn’t even know you could get four toppings, I had never explored other options even though the colourful toppings have always been there in their gleaming silver containers. Yes, my dear reader, I had chocolate hazelnut frozen yoghurt with white chocolate sprinkles, chocolate flakes, coconut shavings and cookie dough crumble. And boy was it delicious! I sat there alone, savoring every mouthful that exploded in my mouth.

So what do toppings have to do with life you may be asking? Well my answer is… everything. We can choose our very own toppings. We don’t have to go with the flow and be so passive. We do have options. We have a choice about how we react and respond to things. We can make our own mark on the world by being who we really are and knowing our true selves. Not the self which has been moulded by our past wounds and relationships but the authentic essence that lies beneath.

I have recognised how much I just go with the flow in my daily life and how I often wait for things to happen, wait for people to say the right thing and do the right thing. What if I took the initiative to start conversations or organise events, and set the mood and tone of a particular setting. What if I were to influence instead of being influenced. I also often allow the moods of others to affect the way I feel, so what if I stopped doing that and dictated my own moods.

I guess it all comes down to self-belief. The deeper we believe in, love, and know ourselves, the easier I imagine it will become to lead and initiate and stand out! The more we are able to have healthy boundaries between ourselves and others, the more liberated we will be.

So go on, choose your own toppings! Your voice is important and you are more precious than you give yourself credit for!

Now your flavors and toppings are something I could totally devour. (No thanks to the Mango!)What delicious choices you made for yourself. I want some 🙂 ! This made me smile.

Shortly after embarking on this journey of speaking up and reclaiming myself, I began to notice that I had no sense of my own appetite and hunger. I realized that I had spent years basing my food choices — and perhaps even more importantly, my food portions — by what my husband put on his plate. I was so disconnected from my own body, I didn’t know how to listen to my own appetite. I had no idea how to know if I was full or hungry or what?! Most of the time I would stuff myself, eating just shy of what he ate so I could appropriately numb myself and also make myself feel as physically disgusting as I believed myself to be. This isn’t something I consciously changed, it just naturally happened as my relationship with myself began to change. I remember being in therapy one day and having a similar ah ha moment! Just feeling happy and proud and even surprised that I had been so disconnected for all of those years.

Cheers! Keep picking those fabulous flavors and toppings. There’s so much fun to be had. XO

Great post. I really relate to being too passive and going too much with the flow. When we believe we have the right to choose and listen to our guts things get better. We don’t have to be caught up in other people’s drama or opinions, this is something I am only just learning.

Thank you, I love the way you phrase it, “caught up in other people’s drama or opinions.” Glad that you overcoming this, I have a way to go but it’s a great start to know that I can choose my own toppings 😉