When the UK Metro alerted me (via Jezebel) to this story about the evil clown on hire to parents in Switzerland to stalk their children for a week, I was not only intrigued, repulsed, and delighted, I immediately forwarded it to every child-hater I know. The service?

Dominic DeVille stalks young victims for a week, sending chilling texts, making prank phone calls and setting traps in letterboxes. He posts notes warning children they are being watched, telling them they will be attacked. But Deville is not an escaped lunatic or some demonic monster. He is a birthday treat, hired by mum and dad, and the ‘attack’ involves being splatted in the face with a cake.

‘The child feels more and more that it is being pursued,’ said Deville. ‘The clown’s one and only aim is to smash a cake into the face of his victim, when they least expect it, during the course of seven days.’

Horrific, cruel, hilarious, yes, yes, and yes. Also, probably more appropriate for adults who are in on the joke, although I think it is sickly awesome that this exists at all. But where do consenting adults go for Hot Clown Action, you ask! (You did ask, right?). My good friend Fozzy Bear immediately emailed with the answer. Enter: Sugar Weasel of Austin, Texas, who services the greater las Vegas area as well:

[T]he self-proclaimed Clown Escort is an adult entertainer, a world-class lover, a rogue and a scoundrel. Interpreted, Sugar Weasel is a punk rock thrill ride that leaves you weak kneed and panting for more…. He possesses a singular vision to make the world a strangely erotic, more satisfying place for women. His exotic go-go dance is like watching a roller coaster derail… (more…)