Dunellen woman who raised two grandkids watches with pride as one graduates

Davis Turner/For The Star-LedgerLillian Culbertson congratulates her granddaughter, Ashley Lyles, during commencement ceremonies at Davidson College in Davidson, N.C. on Sunday, May 16. From a young age, Lyles lived with her grandmother, who helped raise her and support her financially. Ashley is the first person in their family to graduate from college. DAVIDSON, N.C. — Lillian Culbertson decided she had sat quietly long enough. When her granddaughter’s name was called, she sprang from her seat and pressed toward the flag-draped stage where Ashley received her degree. This was not protocol.

"Go away," Ashley said when she saw her grandmother coming at her, the older woman’s eyes wet with tears. "You’re going to make me cry."

But no one knew better than Ashley that her grandmother would not go away. Not before they embraced and wept because they both knew something important had just happened. Something ended and something began.

"Just one more and, then, I don’t know, I guess I’m finished," Lillian said. She meant to express relief. It came out as sadness.

The "one more" is Lillian’s other grandchild, Ashley’s brother Nick who, more constrained by decorum than his grandmother, hung back with the rest of the sedate crowd seated under towering red oaks at the Davidson College commencement last Sunday. Next year, Nick knows, he will face a similar scene when he receives his degree from Harvard.

For more than a decade, Lillian has been sole guardian to Ashley and Nick, the children of parents who could not care for them, parents whose own lives, they would have to admit, were a mess. One is in prison for manslaughter.

So to Lillian, a high school dropout with few skills beyond a willingness to work hard, fell the obligation of raising a boy and a girl into adulthood.

Ashley, 22, a sociology major who studied the problems of prisoners, has applied for internships in Washington, D.C., and other cities. She wants most of all to work for the Children’s Defense Fund.

After a year working, she hopes to go to law school. "I want to work with children, especially those with parents in prison," said a young woman who, like her grandmother, worked nights to support herself in college.

Nick sees a different future. He is in the East Asian Studies program at Harvard and, in a few days, will leave for his fourth summer in China — this time, Taiwan. He speaks Mandarin and Japanese and is headed for a likely career in business. At Harvard, he is a varsity fencer and member of a hip-hop dance troupe.

To raise them, Lillian cleaned other people’s homes and worked as a waitress. That’s never been easy but, as she ages, it has become harder. She still has energy but, in bad times, people cut back on expenses, like hiring others to scrub their floors.

"I applied for about 30 waitressing jobs before I got one,’’ she says. "People want to hire younger women. I get told by 21-year-olds they don’t want to hire me.’’

For some time, Lillian has had help. The family’s story first appeared here in 2002 when Lillian and Ashley and Nick were found homeless in a highway motel, cooking off a hotplate. Many readers responded with offers of help.

One was David Myers, a Morristown doctor and entrepreneur who became the children’s benefactor. A trustee at Boston University, he guided Ashley and Nick’s educational choices and provided support.

"I like helping kids," said Myers, who attended the Davidson graduation with his wife, Sue.

"Especially these kids, they’re smart and decent."

Another benefactor also has provided financial support, including money to Lillian that helped pay for visits to Nick and Ashley at school. She knows him only as "the donor" and writes to him often through an intermediary, sending along the kids’ report cards.

Ashley and Nick are grateful to the Myers family and others, but they know they could not be where they are without their grandmother, a woman they call "Meemah."

"She provided the discipline we needed so we could push ourselves," Ashley said. "Meemah knew when to say ‘No.’ She also was a friend when we needed one.’’

The young woman described how, as a child, she would go to work with her grandmother and watch her wash floors and serve, showing Ashley how hard and unrewarding such work could be.

Ashley will keep those lessons with her. Already has. While at Davidson, she mentored a teenage mother with two children. Helped her with the kids.

"I’m so proud of her," Ashley said just hours after her graduation. "She’s going to graduate high school this year — and I’ll be there."

Davis Turner/For The Star-LedgerLillian Culbertson, center, Leticia Culbertson, center left, and Nick Culbertson, center right, look for Ashley Lyles during commencement at Davidson College in Davidson, N.C. on Sunday, May 16. From a young age, Lyles lived with her grandmother, who helped raise her and support her financially. Ashley is the first person in their family to graduate from college.