Can someone please organize a petition to GOD, to let Paris Hilton off missionary work. She has already done Hawaiian surf bums and poor people of Malibu beach, who only live in $2 million beach shacks.

Enough is enough. I'm not saying don't wear underwear or get pissed as a rooter skunk, even if you now have a designated driver. Just show a little skin.

The paparazzi were so destitute a few nights ago -- that 48 of them photographed and video taped a little mouse by the kerb -- eating a left over pink taco.

Scared the hell out of the little critter. You don't want to be responsible for cruelty to L.A. rodents, do you?