The 3 Deadly Mistakes Guys Make When They Approach Women

When you don’t know how to approach women the right way, you’re constantly missing out on opportunities. Very few guys understand how to approach women and begin conversations in a playful, interesting way that creates a compelling REASON for women to want to know them and take things further.

When you spot a hot girl, you can assume that the last 47 guys who attempted to approach her — whether it was at the bar, the supermarket, or on the street — sent all the wrong signals. They immediately made her feel uncomfortable and caused her “force field” to go on high alert. At that point, she’s going to look for a reason to end the interaction as soon as possible.

She may indulge you with a few minutes of polite conversation and then blow you off gently (“It’s been nice talking to you, but I need to go find my friend…”), or she might shoot you down immediately (“Uh, I’ve got a boyfriend”). Either way, when you approach women the wrong way, it’s very unlikely that the conversation is going to go anywhere.

Don’t Make These Mistakes When You Approach Women

Here are the three deadliest mistakes that guys make when they approach women, and some tips on how to AVOID these traps and get the results you want.

Deadly Approach Mistake #1: Asking permission to talk to her

This means you must eliminate from your vocabulary phrases such as:

“Excuse me, may I know your name?”

“Hi, do you mind if I ask you something?”

“Can I buy you a drink?”

Opening a conversation this way instantly puts you at her mercy. In her eyes, you are a random stranger and you WANT something from her. This is an uncomfortable situation for anyone to be in.

Note: Offering to buy her a drink may sound like you want to GIVE her something, but she knows what you’ll expect in return: you’ll want to monopolize her time for the next ten or twenty minutes. When you offer to buy a drink for a woman you don’t even know, you’re basically attempting to bribe her into granting you some of her time.

Would a truly confident guy approach women this way? Absolutely not. There’s a correct point in the interaction to buy a girl a drink, and a clever way of doing it and it’s certainly not in the first 30 seconds.

One of the rules of effective conversation is for you to stay in control at all times. You maintain the “power position” and dictate the flow of the conversation and the topics that are discussed (and avoided). The key is to do this subtly. You can learn how to “invisibly” guide the conversation so that you make her laugh, experience positive emotions, and share personal details (such as her passions, ambitions and talents) that she’d normally never share with a guy she only met a few minutes ago.

This is when women begin to feel attraction, and you’re on your way to success.

The first key to maintaining this sense of power and control is NOT starting the conversation in a weak, uncertain manner. Asking permission is a surefire way to blow the conversation before it even begins. Don’t do it.

Deadly Approach Mistake #2: You must assume rapport.

When two people have “rapport” it means they’re comfortable with each other and have things in common. They vibe with each other in the manner of old friends — joking around, having fun, talking about topics of common interest instead of the conversation sounding like a job interview.

When a guy with weak approach game starts conversing with a woman, the “conversation” seems stiff and formal and usually consists of questions: “So what’s your name?” “Are you from around here?” “So what do you do for work?” He could be having this same conversation with his dentist!

On the other hand, the guy who is extremely good with women always assumes rapport. He doesn’t bother with the boring “getting to know you” questions. Right from the start, he’s joking around with her, playfully teasing her, asking her questions and telling quick stories that make her smile and stimulate her imagination.

He makes her feel invested in the conversation, and she’ll want to show that she can keep up with him. Even in the first few minutes he’s showing her that he’s a fun, dynamic, interesting guy who leads an attractive lifestyle.

Deadly Approach Mistake #3: Not having a conversational game plan and a closing strategy.

Most guys put way too much emphasis on what to say first (or how to “open” her). Actually, what you follow up with is far more important — how you transition into the conversation and get it flowing.

From there, you’ll want to use techniques of mine such as Hypotheticals, Advanced Cold Reads, and Hooks & Ladders (my method for making sure the conversation NEVER runs out of steam).

After You Approach Women, What Comes Next?

In short, you’ve got to know how to keep guiding the conversation forward so that it follows a sequence of steps that push her different “emotional buttons.” For example, building comfort is a crucial early step. No woman is going to want to give you her phone number (much less sleep with you that night) if you haven’t made her feel comfortable with you. This is why learning the right comfort-building techniques is so important.

Next, once comfort has been established, you’ll want to start challenging her & teasing her (but always in a light, playful way). This is the stage where you frame yourself as a high-value man who is “hard to get.” You’re going to make her work for your attention and positive feedback, and make her want to measure up to YOUR standards. (This is the complete opposite of how most guys interact with women, as they awkwardly try to demonstrate that they’re up to HER standards.)

Then comes the Escalation stage, and finally there is The Close. Depending on the circumstances, this could mean getting her phone number (and having her WANT to see you again soon, rather than ignoring your calls), or taking her home that night. So few guys understand how to “close” successfully.

Learning how to approach women and follow these steps means the difference between chatting with girls every time you go out but never sleeping with them – or seeing them again – and having the “rock star sex life” that most men can only fantasize about, leading a lifestyle filled with fun, beautiful women.

It means that literally anytime you leave your home – whether it’s to run errands, or to hit a bar or nightclub with your friends – you’ll look for opportunities to approach women and have fun interactions, instead of this being something you shy away from, or stress out about.

About Ask Dan & Jennifer

"Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource"

Ask Dan & Jennifer is a very popular and respected Love & Sex web show, advice column, online magazine, and relationship support community: touching millions of lives every month in a healthy and positive way.

Our mission is to help people create conscious relationships based on love and acceptance rather than fear, jealousy, anger, and ownership. It's time to move on from outdated ideas about love and sex. Continue Reading...