It seems I always have something on the tip of my tongue.

Decoding Feminine Desire: Yeah, Right

Okay, so supposedly you’re all here ‘cos this girl knows her shit, right?

I gotta tell you, though, I’m stumped. Seems a reader who simply goes by “Regular” wants to know how a man can then get his woman all riled in response to the posting below this one, A Few Ways To Get Your Man Rock Hard.

Would that it were so easy, my friend, but we all know women are complicated. Them’s the facts. Anyone who tells you different is full of shit. There’s no Magic 8-Ball easy-peasy decoder ring to turning women on. We’re a chore.

Women talking about how hard it is to understand men sometimes strikes me as laughable. The truth is, we got it easy. Your buttons are so goddamned easy to push. Whether it be stuffing your suit pocket with our panties after a ritzy meal out, or dropping our clothes in front of you, it seems like that’s all it ever takes.

Excepting the occasional so-called “dysfunction” episode, of course. I hate that word because it implies that guys should have a money shot every time a thought about sex occurs to them. What kind of fucked-up expectations are we encouraging here? Can’t they just be aroused on a different level for a change? Not if you listen to the goodly folk like Pfizer pushing a Viagra-sized solution on the masses. “A man needs a manly response,” seems to be the spin of the decade. Seems we missed the memo explaining intimacy sized up to a lot more than just seven inches rigid, or whether a chick comes.

Chicks, though, our hot buttons come from a world full of different places. For us, it’s not as visual as it is for men. It’s something almost intangible. A expression, a phrase uttered, that way you’re sitting all cross-legged and peering at us like you can see right through us as we regale you about our childhood, or any other number of absurdly impalpable means of getting stimulated. Or at least it’s that way for those of us in touch with our sex drives. We all know there’re some pretty fucking androgynous folks out there.

I’m turned on by everything from the way a guy sits with a guitar to how he focuses in on me in conversation. He can make me insane by delivering a hard kiss against the wall, or by lightly tracing a finger up my jeans as he approaches from behind, or by tugging me down to the ground for a hard massage that soon goes awry. I’m so fucking turned on by earnestness and honesty in a guy that I wish it could be bottled. Often, it ain’t nothing he does… it’s how he is that’ll draw me in.

I don’t know what the margin is for chicks who initiate sex, but I’m pretty fucking sure I’m somewhere near the head of the class. I like sex, and in a relationship, I’m not afraid to express the want to have it — in any number of ways and often, very often. This means I’m pretty in touch with my sex drive, and as such, I probably get turned on by more with a man than your average chick might. Maybe. I’m speculating.

I really want to hear from the chicks on this one. What do the boys do that really get you hot? How can they best press your buttons?

For me, it’s a guy that strokes my legs or ass in a really nice, intimate, gentle manner, just as we’re watching television or something. Over and over and over again. The longer he does it, the more I move towards Meltdown Mode. It’s a guy who shows absolute interest in me. Who leans towards me whenever I begin to speak, who hangs off my words, who drinks me in. If I get that, I’m absolutely fascinated. It’s about intensity and intimacy, and it’s no one thing a man does that makes me want to jump him. It builds, escalates, then implodes on me, and I attack.

In general, guys have all the tried-n-true methods at their disposal: massages, surprise candlelit dinners, a good pair of jeans that advertise your goods, a blanket and a bottle of wine on the floor before a fire, love notes hidden in her purse, biting her neck, and so on. As for specific make-her-want-me-now moves, I can’t really help you. I’m an odd duck.

So now let’s hear about it from readers. Well, girls? In what ways can a guy best delicately manipulate his fuckability factor with you? Hmm?

And guys, you could add a little more to the posting below, so we know what else we can do to/for you. Before you begin to feel transparent and all, just think, what’s the worst that could happen? You’ll give more chicks more means for knowing how to spell out “Fuck-me-now,-please” for your benefit. So, a little cooperation? Thanks.

I like it when my cooking is deeply enjoyed. When the man is funny, when its clear he wants to flirt, when I’m offered a foot massage, when I get to sleep in instead of getting up with the kids, when he draws funny pictures in the dust on my car window, a little nape biting doesn’t hurt either.Goose

I love it when a girl shows her wits. For me, that’s the biggest turn-on. When she comes out with some witty comment, or busts my balls for something and can make me laugh with it.I feel like taking her after it.

Low-cut shirts with naked shoulders. Nuff said.

Skirts and dresses.

Naked feet.

Delaying the inevitable.(you know what I mean … this is real big if you can do it in a very flirty way, without trying to toy around)

Sitting next to me in the car while I’m behind the wheel. I take her as soon as I stop the car.

Suspense and novelty. This is more up to the man, really. Create a little adventure in your lives. I often take a girl to some “forbidden” place, climb over fences, “borrow” her folks’ car, etc … any suspense is good, for the both of you. If a girl can hint to a man that that COULD be done, but it would be much too DANGEROUS, and the man does it, that’s the way it should be for both. If the man doesn’t do it ditch the fag.

One of the things you said is dead right: women have it easy when figuring out ways to turn men on.

Because I’m going to add into this mix the head fuck of the century. The one thing that DOESN’T turn me on is romantic stuff. In fact, it makes my skin crawl. So my advice to men is be very careful at the beginning of a relationship to observe whether the bunch of roses or the candlelit dinner has the right effect – don’t assume every girl likes it.

I’m perhaps one of those rare women who see a crystal clear separation between love and sex. And seeing the two mixed or confused freaks me right out.

What turns me on? Desire. Male desire is the single biggest turn on for me. Clear, non-ambiguous signals. Verbalization works extremely well.

Having been single my whole life I wouldn’t really know what turns me on in a relationship, so I can’t really contribute to the topic, but I would like to chime in on a tanget if I could. I don’t really believe in the simple/complex dynamic between men and women. We all have those “buttons” in different places (and some of us have more buttons than others). I can’t say the observation that men tend to be “easy” is incorrect, but it is possible that those who consider men to be simple are simply ignoring those men who aren’t, so I find it hard to consider it something akin to being male.

Additionally, the things that affects a man’s libido are too varied and many for me to believe men are any less complex than women under the hood. Just look at one of those silly “sites for men” or “sites for women,” and read the endless forum posts by women saying, “I can’t get my man interested in sex. What’s wrong with him?!”

Here’s a good example: Ask a handful of men if it would excite them to have their woman touch their testicles (during sex, preceding sex–whatever context you want to imagine this in). I figured the answer to this would be obvious when I first heard it asked, but I was way wrong. Some guys love it. Some guys hate it. Some will flip out and become hostile over it.

You mentioned a few cliches in your post, and I can think of another one appropriate to this topic that I rather like: The best way to know if something turns a person on is to ask that person.

About Steff

This is my interstellar craft of truth and wit. Buckle up. If you want celebrity gossip, this is not the blog for you. If you want comfortable postings that’ll fill you with happy fuzzy thoughts about the world at large, or self-help guru shit, this is not the blog for you.Read more

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