30.7.04

Well, actually, wasn't going to, but have been teased so much about it that I'll get the records straight.

Was at Magic disco, right? He was there, but much too drunk to walk in a straight line, and even to make himself understood by such an eager audience as I can be.

He whispered, then shouted something into my ear which I could just not understand... and walked out of the disco on his own.

His friends were around, and offering me drinks, and talking to me... does this mean he talks about me? Does this mean I mean something to him?

Hard to tell, of course. In any case, hung out a bit with them, but went on dancing on my own, and eyed this cute young guy, sort of grungey-looking but a grunge who has just had dinner with his parents sort of thing.

But. It seems he's some sort of fan of mine. Started going on and on about:

His age (repeated at least 20 or 30 times -no kidding- during the next hours that he was 28 years old)

His horoscope and ascendent

The clothes I'd worn during my last 5 or 6 visits to that disco

The people he'd seen with me, and his obsession about Him, The Guy, being an American singer or musician!!! -Got to tell him about that!

How his friends and he used to watch me dancing, soooo cool, sooo great, me and the woman dj there were their goddesses, drooled (and something more, as he admitted) over endlessly

He finally said 'They will never believe this'. He went on and on about his friends not believing his story, when he'd tell them he'd spent a night with me.

He also let it quite clear that he'd be available any time, whenever I wanted to phone. As I refused to take his phone number, 'we'd see each other down at the disco', he let me know I'd have him at a click of a finger or something.

So far, so good. Why didn't I take his number, asketh thou?

Because the poor guy, when really excited, kept shouting Asin, asin, a wrong way of saying 'así' (like this) in Spanish, usually found among people of low culture... and quite distracting!!!!!!!

Maaaan, I've got my friends asking me if I want to go to this bar 'Asin?' or if the coffe is right 'asin'!!!!

First, a few words to understand it: I'd been waiting, sort of calmly, for a check to arrive from my ex-Big Boss, for some money he still owed me. But, as I'd run out of money completely by Friday, I spoke to my ex-boss, the one I get on with. On Thursday last week I sent him an e-mail demanding the money, and on Friday I phoned to see how & when I could get payed.

Since that conversation, I've been expecting to receive a transfer, as agreed, for the 150 euro they owed me. By Saturday I had nothing left, and started borrowing from Vel, who was also running out of money after spending wildly on her first days here. Actually managed to spend only 1.20 euro one day, and only 3 euro another one (some other days it was... er... more!) On Tuesday I actually went to my ex-office to talk to my ex-boss, and as usual had great fun and laughs to be heard from across the street... and a promise over the phone from the Big One that the transfer would be made that morning.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday can be recorded as The Bank Checking Days. Vel and I stretched our last 20 euro between the two of us during the last two days, kept going to the bank to check my card... and eat and drank everything left in my fridge!!!

So when she left to the airport, i had ONLY 3 cents in my hand, 1.37 euro in the bank, and a last trip left on my transport ticket. Scary.

Eva came to help, lent me a 20 euro, bought me a beer and made me miss the open air screening of a Woody Allen I hadn't seen yet, but at least I didn't feel so vulnerable.

Today I checked the bank at 12:30, didn't dare before that, in case I cried... and there I am dancing in front of the automatic teller, much to the amusement of the guys behind me.

Once my confidence got built up, I went to my bank office, over a half hour walk, or two metro stops and a walk anyway. Had to wait for an hour to talk to the directress, but a couple of days ago I also waited a while and then was told to come back some other moment, too busy.

I mean, they suggested it, and while I'm unemployed and pennyless!!!!!!!

The only reason why I work with this small, tacky bank is it's the only one willing to give me a mortgage!!!!!!! ...just to learn afterwards how few offices they have, and how complicated they get with paperwork sometimes.

I can also give you another point of thought: The only other person I know who works with this bank is... EVA!!!!!!!!!!!! For the same reason, they gave her a mortgage when no-one else would!!!!!

O.K., their tellers don't work well or are closed out of business hours, they have more trouble with their cards not working... but they supported us!!!!!!

But a couple of months ago I'd asked for a 700 euro loan there and it took ages for them to give me it, and now suddenly...

29.7.04

Amazing dancer, you can see Canales in him. It is the first show -Juan de Juan does with his own company, starting his own flight into New Flamenco stardom.

The coreography was spectacular, specially the Bull -an incredible part that received even more ovations than Juan de Juan himself! The concept I found interesting, as though I haven't seen that comment written anywhere, I feel the bull seems more noble than the bullfighter, as there is a representation of all the stages the corrida goes through, with all the help of the picadores and banderilleros, while as the bull is on its own. Tremendous passion dancing. Still can feel it under my skin.

Downers of the night:

As we walked out of the theatre, we saw this corpse covered by a blanket. Apparently someone had jumped out of a window, and the police had the area round the theatre restricted. Not easy to keep the same spirit you had just seconds ago after that.

No money left for me nor Vel, she'd been lending me money while I was expecting these 150 euro from my ex boss, but they have still not appeared in my account. So forget about our idea of going to City Hall partying the last night.

27.7.04

As I said, am finding it hard to read... mi mind is going at a really high speed the moment i try to relax. Of course, I read when on the underground, when on the beach -which is not that often, and usually from 6 pm on- and when am on my own at a cafe, but the quality time is lower: Have my borrowed Chomsky almost untouched, fortunatelly its owner shall be away till end of August... and am into a novel, Stiller, that I am enjoying and had started reading fast, but am at a standstill.

Nonetheless, I seem to have made a good job at spreading my favourites once more: Vel asked me for something to read on the beach, and I let her go through what I had in English, then presented her Midnight Children, by Salman Rushdie. I knew she'd like it, but she said she didn't know the author and when she started reading it she was confused with all the names and Salman's style.

Told her to relax and go on reading. She's got into his magic world now, and is willing to read more when she finishes this one.

So, I'll start recommending some other authors and books to her... and in general.

26.7.04

Eva's daughter's best friend had told Eva not to worry, that her father would go with Eva to check the suspicious girl's parents.

For most of you El Carmelo doesn't mean anything. But in Barcelona this hood, on a mountain, above Park Güell, is some sort of a ghetto, with tough guys, skinheads, low-cultured and fight-prone middle-aged people, and gypsies. And to a high extent, this is true. You can live there for 10, 15 years but not be considered 'del barrio', you are an outsider. As in Eva's case, to many people. As in other people I've known who spent some part of their life there.

So Eva was not too happy at the idea of having to play the Tough Guy shit, and was glad one of the real Carmelo guys was going to help her.

'Till she saw this little, big bellied, nervious guy turn up with his daughter, asking 'Well, what are we supposed to do now then?'

First thing we did was burst out in laughter. Second was recompose ourselves, and I promised Eva in a whisper I'd go with her, seeing the tough guy she'd found!!! We had forgotten how kids see their parents, specially their dads, as some sort of superheroes... as neither Eva's nor my kid have a superhero around!

Fortunately, Agnes turned up too -the really street-wise, hardened and mad person we needed, all packed up in a usually perky, yet today furious 1.60m! So there we went, Agnes, Eva, me, the scared dad, and 4 or 5 kids involved with the party -Eva's daughter, Agnes' son, the man's daughter, and a couple of other guys, future tough Carmelo guys and already a bit on the street-wise side. We were doing our impressive bit, walking along the middle of the road, making ourselves noticed, so people came up to see what was going on -yes, they are used to fist fights around there, so seeing us all with our stern faces and marching in a mob, people hung around to find out what it was all about.

We got to this girl's flat, and a huge woman with a bull-dog face opened the door. Obviously, she said her daughter had been at home with her all night, since eleven p.m. Eva's daughter went mad at this, saying how the hell can she say that, but we calmed her down and made her see it was just what we expected to hear from the parents.

We managed to talk it over and make the bulld... the mother see we were not directly acusing her daughter, but wanted to ask her who the guys she'd brought with her were, and how to find them. So the bulld... lady phoned her daughter and told her in a sharp bark to come on home right now, some people are waiting for you. She apologized saying her daughter had got into trouble recently due to bad companies, and she never did anything but kept getting involved because of her friends. Almost felt like patting her head, now she was cooperating.

Well, her puppy came and said she knew nothing of the stolen goods, but Agnes and I kept asking her names and phone numbers of these guys she had brought along with her and who'd been seen doing suspicious things, she obviously didn't know where they lived but did come up with some names we were writing down as we kept asking for more info.

As we left, we told her to contact us if she could think of anything else to help find the stuff, and so avoid any further hassle. Outside, in the street, Agnes and I -who'd been left on our own interrogating the girl, after trooping up to her flat initially- found a crowd of people, some more teenagers who'd been at the party, and started counter-checking information: names, phone numbers, where do the guys hang out and who else could be involved. I mean, they are from the hood, so they know who the bad guys are!!!

We finally decided to get back home, after trying to scare the shit out of some of these kids with our tough talk, so they'd get talking. I kept going on about how at least the junkiesand pickpockets downtown, where I live, respect their neighbours and how it has always been a non-written law to avoid stealing in your own hood. Kept repeating also 'if you do have to steal anything, of course'. And kept saying how mad I was about the petty, stupid way it had been pulled. How whoever it had been deserved a kick in the butt for the way they had gone against their own neighbours, and shall cause trouble in the hood 'cause we'd be working on it until we found out who it was.

Then, when Agnes, her son, Eva, her daughter, me and two other teens were finally sitting and talking it all over at home, the bell started ringing.

It had worked: kids started turning up, to tell us stuff away from the public eye, so no-one else knew they'd been talking to us. Always kept promisisng this would be between us, and we wouldn't say who'd given us the names. The names that were mentioned were always the same ones, and we shortly had quite a group of teens at Eva's again, much to our amusement... and amazement at all we were hearing!!!

By 10:30 p.m. I left, still amid teens and explanations and reasons why it couldn't have been so-and-so, why it must have been so-and-so, etc.

25.7.04

Was her daughter's 14th birthday on Saturday, and I'd teamed up with her to make Eva let her have a teenager party at home. So it is partly only fair I went to help them sort the mess out.

Been cussing these kids badly. You are so young, you think you are adults and have no idea what you're doing. You can not steal from people in your hood. I live downtown, and people respect their neighbours, damn it!!!!!! And there were many strangers, but what about all the friends, many tough guys, what were you doing meanwhile???

Also helped and supported the kids, though, in front of the parents: It just got out of their hands,they're kids and thought they knew what they were doing... They'll help sort it out -WON'T YOU, GUYS???!!!

The story, in short, is that the party got wild when some total strangers started turning up and they thought it was cool, the more the merrier sort of thing... These strangers were:

*Gypsies they didn't know, but known by some of the tougher guys around

*Real Skinheads, not just wearing the looks like the girl's friends

*Juvenile delinquents everyone knew about, but thought it was cool to have them around.

So, when 4 mobiles -the trendy expensive shit, camera included and all- and a camera, plus 150 euro, plus a disc-man, plus God-knows-what, were reported missing, all the kids started shitting themselves and didn't know what to do.

There had been a couple of fist fights in the street by the kids at the party. One guy, son of Eva's best friend and also 14, living with them for the moment but not knowing these crowds as he's into other music and shit, got beaten up and has a black eye and 2 teeth are slack. Mind you, I heard he was totally drunk too and was looking for trouble a bit, but got locked in a room by 5 guys to beat him. All over this girl he likes and who was making up with her ex.

Besides, the whole house had been wreked -vomit everywhere, things broken... all this in the 2 hours or so Eva had left to give them some privacy.

When she got back home, she found teens all over the place, in the street, sitting on her steps, about 30 people in her house!!! kids crying because they'd lost their mobiles, kids totally out of their mind, most kids she'd never seen before (and wouldn't miss seeing again)

After kicking everyone out, she realized her home had been vandalized, even a wall thermometre had dissappeared, and however I am sorry and simpathetic, and have got involved in the story as I'll explain, I could not help remembering RISKY BUSINESS while she was telling me all about it.

So the day after, on Sunday, I was supposed to form part of this would-be mob or gang that was going to visit the suspected thief's house.

Vel is here from Denmark, so I'm clubbing a bit more than I really should -remember I'm not working yet!

Been really ill with bronchitis, and am getting really better now. Before I was just faking, because I was so sick of staying in... and it's so hard for a drinker to keep off any alcohol while clubbing and having next to you someone acting Tourist Girl and ordering Caipirinhas and so on, while I'm on to milk shakes or Red Bull -straight.

But the worst has passed now. Been really pissed off about one job -a temp thing, but well paid and a good chance to actually get in my c.v. as Management Assistant, what I'm aiming at. I guess I should head that way now, but it's not easy to get into the listings... a month at some temp place doing this would have been great.

I was finalist among 4 possible secretaries... and was already counting on how it would help me even pay August's mortgage.

But it didn't happen.

...Been to the beach a few times, late in the afternoon, as I like it, at the nudist... and some times honoring Vel's Tourist Trip I've been there at lunchtime!!!!!

My ups and downs are proving and pointing out the truth: I am starting to admit it... It feels like I'm falling in love, that crazy stage where you walk for 20 minutes to sit at a cafe where you reckon you may have the chance to see Him... but shall not go to the bar he told you he hangs out at.

By the way, saw him last Friday night, he was totally drunk, wasted, he told me something in my ear and I could not understand a thing...

Anyway, I knew what I was getting into, that' s the reason why I kept fooling myself and trying to ignore him with the -unknowing- help of other guys...

It was curious to see Nate and Eva together yesterday, Vel and I were curious to see how they'd get on... Mad Spanglish Rasta Meets Female Mick Jagger -it was fun, anyway.

And as to things that have been going on in my mind... some other time. Had too much time to think, to go over my life, my cycles, my history, actually couldn't concentrate reading because I've been too immerse in y own thoughts. Am almost back in my Nietzschean days, so many years ago... I hope it is not merely because there is this guy driving me as crazy as that bastard did... Mary-Anne, you know what I'm talking about, right?

Been remembering the days of Billie Holliday playing on my record player, and Carlos forcing me to turn it off.

Been really sick for about 4, 5 days now. Got my spirit back, but am still not eating well, and am coughing and chocking a bit still... and on antibiotics every 8 hours.

Great considering Vel came to visit me and has been hearing me choking and half dead the first night, not going out clubbing as expected but staying in all pissed off and 'poorly', and then yesterday I finally started humming and singing to myself as we were eating a bit out in a bar...

So yes, I'm getting back to my old self

Even started dancing at the traffic lights at times, as she noticed. O.k., Aurea's back to life!

Got loads of job ads to check, though... so I can NOT play with blogs, messengers, etc for today.

14.7.04

* First of all: It Worked!!!! Friday night, and it fucking well was all right!!!!! Really good reaction towards me when we finally did meet!!! yeah, you know who!

*Second: I am being called for many interviews, about one a day now, but many are temp jobs and have dozens of people after them, still not too depressed though.

*Third: Been to the theatre (Bagdad Cafe). Shall post on that later on. Really great!!!!!!!!!

*Fourth: Vel is coming this week, on Friday, so if I've been posting a bit less already due to my jobhunting, may be quite silent 'till she's gone!

*Fifth: Yeeeeessssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's gorgeous!!!!!!!! and so sexy!!!!!!!!!!!! and soooooooooo admiring me!!!!!!!!!!!! and he keeps going on about all the things he likes in me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...and I guess he'll be too cool to call me :(

Finally got a cd by RAKEL WINCHESTER, which I knew I'd like just through reading interviews of them and reviews... hadn't even heard a song.

Trust me not to check on internet until after listening the cd I got!!!

Anyway, for some reason I'm into this group. Don't know if it's a long-lasting love affair or just a faze... but if you click 'videoclip', that's what you'll see, a clip. And there are 2 mp3s on it, one's the same song, the other one... isn't.

Wanted to hang out at M., the disco I might bump into N. and whereI like going on my own, anyway... was joking with Eva about setting the trap and about being on guard duty during the weekend. He had told me exactly how to get to the bar he hangs out at, but I became too shy both times I went there, and didn't even go through the door. Yes, Me, I am shy!!!

So the safest way for me to see him again is 'by accident' at the place we bump into each other most often. But the lat few times I've been there I didn't catch him, and for many reasons I haven't been at the disco for a while too.

So I'd set my mind up... and then I get this phone call from my friend who wants to sleep over on friday night. At first i told him I wanted to go out dancing, but then I accepted his company ;) and thought I'd leave my guarding for Saturday and hope he wasn't there on Friday. Had a nice night, mind you... but I can't go to that disco on weekdays, it opens only on Fri and Sat, so it was losing a chance there...

So that means I had to make sure I got there on Saturday, right?

Wrong!!!

NW phoned to say he'd invite me to lunch, and I hadn't seen him for 4, 5 days so I thought 'Yeah, I feel like lunch with him'. But lunch went on until the next morning, with playing some music, relaxing and having a nap, omg it's almost dinner time anyway and so on...

Yessssir, it seems between one and the other, they're keeping me away from trouble... or more competition!!!