Barnum Family Blog

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

So I have been having a MAJOR pity party lately. Today I had a moment of clarity, I am wallowing and feel no peace because I have moved myself so far from The Prince of Peace and Healer of Souls, my Savior Jesus Christ. If I were reading my scriptures more often, praying day and night I would have peace during a time of great turmoil in our lives. Do I wish things were different than they were . . . Yes. But wishing doesn't change what is or what will be. I need peace in my home for myself and my family. It is sobering to think that I can blame no one for the chaos I feel but myself. I was at work today and started watching a bunch of the little clips from www.mormon.org. There was one by Alex Boye, he is a singer with a beautiful voice and has several albums out. Below his little video clip was a bio on him and his thoughts and one of them really caught my attention that I would like to share here:

THE CELLPHONE VS THE SCRIPTURESI wonder what would happen if we treated our scriptures like we treat our cell phones? What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?What if we flipped through it several times a day?What if we spent an hour or more using it every day?What if we used it to receive messages?What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?What if we gave it to other kids as gifts?What if we used it as we traveled? What if we used it in case of an emergency?This is something to make you go...."Hmmm..Dude.. where is my scriptures?"

Unlike our cell phones:One Plan does fit all.Unlimited usage. No roaming charges.You always have reception.You can use it in the mountains and in a tunnel.It's free with no hidden costs,AND you don't ever have to worry about your scriptures being disconnected because CHRIST has already paid the bill!

I don't know why I insist on making my life harder, by trying to do it all myself. This must be one of those lessons it will take me a lifetime to learn. I'm sure everyone reading this is a faster learner than I am!

I hope everyone has a blessed and Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Jake's birthday was Sunday July 10th and he turned 32! Holy cow we are getting old. At least according to our children we are! So honey here are 32 reasons why I love you! Happy Birthday!

1. You make me laugh(even when I don't want to).
2. After 10 years of marriage you are more good lookin than when we first met.
3. You are a great father!
4. You know what I need and when I need it!
5. You work really hard at your job to provide for your family.
6. You have a strong testimony.
7. You support me in all my decisions(even the not so good ones).
8. You make me feel beautiful.
9. You gave me 3 beautiful boys!
10. You know when my MS is acting up and you pick up my slack.
11. You love your calling(and you do it well).
12. You make time to take me on dates.
13. You give me massages!
14. You watch chick flicks with me.
15. You think I'm so talented(I so have you fooled!).
16. When you come home from work, you ask me what you can do to help me.
17. You think it's cute when I cry(which is A LOT).
18. When we were first engaged and my mom didn't like you so much, you went out of your way to serve her and you won her over!
19. You married me for time and all eternity.
20. You eat ice cream with me(even when I shouldn't have it).
21. You clean and do laundry without being asked.
22. You take all 3 kids and go places with them.
23. You put God and family first in your life.
24. You know when to say "I'm sorry."(I'm still working on that one.)
25. You let me be right(even when I'm wrong).
26. I love the way you laugh.
27. I love the way you do your little scream.
28. You torture our children, because you can.
29. You are a mean parent too!
30. You call me just to say hi and see how my day is going.
31. You don't mind when I go out with my girlfriends.
32. You love me more than I could have ever imagined.

Babe, we've been married for 10 1/2 years and they have been the best and hardest years of my life. I am so glad the Lord gave me you to have for eternity! Here's to the next 10 1/2 years and many more after that! I love you!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Friday, June 10, 2011

It has been waaaay too long since I posted. So I didn't want to go to sleep yet(even though I should), so I will update you all on how my LAST labor went! I think there is just one word for it really . . . HORRIFIC!

I had was is called a Single Umbilical Artery this pregnancy. This just means that rather than having one vein and 2 arteries in the umbilical cord, you have one vein and one artery. There is really no risk to the mother, but it can cause developmental problems with the baby. Luckily, this was never the case for Z, but my doctor wanted to induce me a week early because the specialist she consulted said it is best for SUA babies to be delivered at 39 weeks. Hey I wasn't complaining, I was happy to be put out of my misery and I had been induced with the previous 2 babies. I figured, no sweat! WRONG!!!

Well I came in bright and early on February 7th. I had slept very little the night before. My other 2 inductions had not been planned in advance like this one, so I had had all night to be anxious and excited. However, I was feeling good(the adrenaline I'm sure) and was ready to have a baby! The last time I had been in the hospital(see previous post), my labor quite and I came home with no baby. This time, I was not leaving without one!

The nurse checked my cervix(that's my favorite part ;)) and it was quite high, I was only about 50% effaced and not dilated at all. So they gave me my first gel at 5:50 am. I had been having contractions throughout my whole pregnancy, so the first one wasn't so bad. I walked around, watched a bit of a movie and ate a snack. The nurse came back a couple hours later to give me my second gel. She checked me again and found that I had dilated to a 2! Great! I'm thinkin, at this rate I'll have the baby by lunch time! She told me that they would only give me a third gel if I felt the contractions getting weaker. So I labored for about another couple hours and my contractions were starting to wane. I called the nurse and she came and gave me the last gel. That kicked it up about 100 notches!

My labor felt different this time. It was all in my back and it was really REALLY painful. Come to find out, Z was sunny side up. I had heard people talk about back labor being bad, but you can't really appreciate it until you experience it. Imagine someone is ripping your body in half and you might be close to understanding what it feels like. Did I ask for pain meds?! Heck no! I was going to do this "naturally"! This was my last baby and I was going to do it the "right" way. I labored in the tub, on the birthing ball and walked.

The pain finally got so intense that I was confined to the bed. When I walked the contractions came one after the other with no break in between. When you looked at the monitor of my contractions, they were so intense you couldn't even see the peak of them. The graph needle couldn't go that high and they were LONG! But I was doing okay. I had Jake and my mom there coaching me, helping me to breathe and try to relax my body.

Well around 10am my doctor came in to see how I was doing and to check me. I told her I was doing okay, but that I was having really bad back labor. She had me get on my hands and knees on the bed and do the yoga poses cat and then cow and when a contraction would come I was to go into Child's pose. She had Doogie Houser(did I even spell that right?) with her who wanted to witness a birth for his "training". I wasn't shy so I said sure. By the way, I was only at a 3 at this point! Really? They left and I continued to labor on my hands and knees, in the tub and on the birthing ball.

Shortly after they left, I felt some fluid trickling out. My water has never broken on it's own, so I thought maybe it had broken. My doctor came back in to test the fluid. It was negative for amniotic fluid, but she wasn't ruling out the possibility.

Around 1pm, Doogie Houser comes in sans my doctor. He begins talking but I'm not really able to focus on what he is saying because I am having REALLY intense contractions and he won't shut up! My mom had to tell him to zip it so I could finish a contraction. Finally some of the words began to register in my brain and they went something like this, "Um, I was just wondering how much longer you think it's going to be because I haven't eaten lunch yet, but I don't want to leave because Dr. Claxton told me to stick around. With your history if your water has broken you go pretty fast, but I didn't bring a lunch, so . . . " I'm sorry, WHAT?! Where did you get your degree? The University of Idiocy with a degree in What NOT to say to a woman in labor? I looked and him and said, "I don't know! It could be 20 minutes, it could be 2 hours!" At that point he excused himself and as he is leaving the room I look at my mom and ask, "Was he SERIOUSLY asking me when I thought this baby would be born?" My mother said, "Yes, honey he was."

Right around 3 came the changing of the nurses. My new nurse had a student with her too! Oh goodie! At this point I was so tired, but I was not able to rest. The nurse asks me if I want the epidural, I tell her that I might want one. So she goes to talk to my Dr. about it. Next thing I know Dr. Claxton comes in to give me the bad news. She can't give me an epidural. I am not far enough along and if I get one now, I will HAVE to have a C-section. She doesn't want that and she knows I don't want that either. She prescribes me a shot of some pain meds to help take the edge off so I can rest. The masochistic nurse from hell comes in to give me the shot. I roll to my side and she says, "You'll feel a little pinch and it will sting a little." She has obviously NEVER had one of these shots before. She shoved that needle in so hard I swear she hit the bone and a little stinging? Try, MY A** IS ON FIRE AND I'M BEING STUNG BY A THOUSAND BEES! So I was in pain from that shot, I was contracting and crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I yelled out, "I can't breathe!" Devil nurse tells me, "Open your eyes". Her face is right in mine trying to get me to breathe and all I wanted to do was punch her in the face!

Well the pain from the shot finally subsides and the nurses change shifts and devil nurse is gone. Replaced by my wonderful night nurse. She was awesome. It gets to be about 10pm and I am only sleeping for 1-2 minutes at a time. I am so exhausted that I fall asleep after a contraction finished. I tell Jake to go home and have my mom come stay the night with me so he can get some rest. No, he insists on staying with me. So he pulls out the uncomfortable hospital bed and trys to sleep. I call in my nurse to ask her if there is anything she can give me to help me sleep. She gets approval for another shot of pain meds, which immediately makes the water works start for me. I tell her about devil nurse and how much it hurt. Angel nurse says, "Awww, it shouldn't have hurt like that. I promise I won't hurt you like that." And she was right. It was a little pinch and a little sting and it was over. Before leaving she tells me, call me in if you feel the urge to push or if the contractions get worse.

Well that shot didn't help me sleep, but it did make my contractions worse. Being the sweet wife I am, I labored by myself for several hours(I know the Lord sent angels to be with me) so my hubbie could sleep. Finally I can bear it no longer and I wake Jake up because I NEED him to help me through this. This was his fault anyway. So he gets up and grumpily sets a chair down next to my bed and this is what I hear,

"I'm so TIRED! I only slept for 2 hours, but it wasn't even good sleep. I feel like I haven't even slept at ALL!" I'm sorry, what? Are you really saying these words? So then I say, "FINE, LEAVE! You are ZERO help to me anyway! I told you to go home and have my mom come, but you insisted on staying! So just GO!" I was just a little ticked! He realized he was being a jackass and didn't complain to me after that.

I call Angel nurse in shortly after that because I am in so much pain. She starts an IV on me because I am getting dehydrated. It helped with the pain, but made me pee a lot which was not good for my contractions. I was ready to die. It was around 5am the following morning and I was about to ask for a C-section. I had gone to the bathroom for the hundredth time and felt that I needed the nurse to check me. I had Jake call her in. She checked me and said that I was at a 5 and I was now 100% effaced. WHAT? She asks me if I want an epidural and the water works begin again. I blubber about how my Dr. told me I couldn't have one and why. She said that I should be progressed enough to have one. She checked with the Dr. and the verdict was in . . . YES! I was so happy, yet conflicted. I was so determined, but Jake assured me that 24 hours of doing this naturally was good enough and it was time to get some rest.

The epidural man came and made me feel all better and I went right to sleep and slept for 4 hours. It was bliss. When I woke up I was dilated to an 8. Z was still not turned all the way, but he was close. An hour later I made them break my water and at 11:28am just after 2 contractions out he came weighing 6lbs. 15oz. and measuring 19inches long. Hallelujah! 29 1/2 hours, but he was worth the wait.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

That is the phrase I was waiting to hear early Thursday morning. Wednesday night I went into labor and things were going along quite well for several hours. I was having good strong contractions every 2 minutes so we went in to the hospital. When I got there, they put me in a triage bed, hooked me up to the monitors and asked me the million questions that they ask when you are registering. The contractions were still coming strong and consistent. By the time the nurse had finished with all the questions, they checked my cervix(fun!). Unfortunately it was still quite high and not dilated at all yet. By this time I had been having contractions for about 4 hours. The nurse sent me to wander the halls for an hour with Jake. That hour felt like 10! We came back after an hour and they checked me again and guess what?! No change in my cervix! What the crap?! A few minutes later they decided to hook me back up to the monitors. That's when I noticed a change in the contractions. They were coming less frequently. The nurse told me that they were going to move me to a room and give me some morphine to help me sleep. I had woken up contracting at 11:15pm and it was now almost 5 am. I was so tired. She also said that many times women wake up and are in better labor. So I said let's do it.

I fell asleep and when I woke up I was feeling very little. I knew what that meant. They were going to send me home. I mean what else could they do? I was still 10 days from my induction date and 16 days from my due date! Too early to induce. By the time the doctor came to see me it was 9am. I was hungry and still really tired. The last time I had eaten was 2pm the previous day and had only gotten sleep at 2 hour intervals twice that night/morning. The doctor ordered an AFI (where they measure the amount of amniotic fluid I have), and I asked one of the nurses for some food. Well Jake leaves to go to the cafeteria to get breakfast and I wait for mine to come. It never does. So they come get me for the AFI and I think that my food will be waiting for me when I get back.

The AFI does not go well. The sonographer had a hard time seeing my cervix because the baby's head was in the way and she was pushing really hard on the lower part of my abdomen. She was surprised it hurt(clearly she's never been pregnant). I told her, there isn't much cushion there. It's just my skin and the baby's head(idiot). Anyway. The torture finally ends and I get back to my room. Still no food. Now I'm crying without stopping because I just want to eat and sleep, but no one seems to understand that. Jake goes out to ask about the food and they say, "It's not here yet?" So then they tell him they'll get some for me. 15 minutes later the nurse comes in to check me again and get me ready for discharge and finally the phone rings in my room. They are asking me what i want to eat?! Really! I ask if they have eggs, no, because it is now 11:30am, only lunch stuff. I look at the nurse and ask are you ready to discharge me? She says they are so I say forget the food, I just want out of there! We are discharged 10 minutes later. Jake takes me down to the cafeteria to get me something to eat. I'm not really in the mood for lunch food, but I don't have much choice. So I grab a sandwich and juice. I scarf it down and can feel my ability to reason coming back to me. Needless to say, I did the ugly face cry A LOT that day!

We get back home and I promptly fall asleep for several hours. I am thankful for good friends who offered to help out with my boys. So that's it! I was punked by my baby!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Every year I make New Years Resolutions, but I don't know that I ever take them seriously because I feel like it is the same thing over and over again. My mom gave a great talk in church the Sunday after Christmas about New Years Resolutions and to take a different approach, by coming up with a theme for the year. Hers was "Closer to Heaven in 2011". She said that by focusing our goals around a theme that it will be easier to refocus on what we are hoping to accomplish. I really liked that idea so I decided to come up with my own.

My theme for the new year is A.S.A.P. Which will stand for "Always Say A Prayer". I have felt the need to come closer to God and what better way than to A.S.A.P.? Prayer is our direct line to God and a way to get to know Him intimately and come closer to Him. So my goals to go along with my theme are these:

1. Have family prayer morning and night
2. Have my individual prayers morning and night
3. Offer prayers in my heart when I need strength and cannot pray allowed.
4. Encourage my children to say their personal prayers.
5. Have couple's prayer with my husband.
6. Read scriptures daily on my own and as a family.