Dendrophiliac

A dendrophiliac is someone who lovestrees - in a more than platonic way. They choose to manifest this love sexually. Because i am a plant nerd, i have been accused of being a dendrophiliac, but I am not. I would imagine the knotholes would cause terrible splinters, and wood isn't very yielding, but i guess the trees don't mind the extra nitrogen and carbon. Females could find applications of this too, but the splinter problem still applies. If you do try it, watch out for owls in the holes.

I could spend a while describing how to have sex with plants, much like the how to have sex with a dolphin node. But since i have no experience, I'll have to pass. I do know that a plant's idea of sex is very different than ours. It is too different to use a direct analogy, but the closest thing would be that the male trees 'masturbate' pollen in the air and hope it lands on a female. This is complicated by Gametophytes, Sporophytes, and ploidy level, but no one cares about that stuff. But really, in a way, any time pollen touches your genital areas - and it does because it gets everywhere - you are having sex with plants.