25 Less Frightening Subjects for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to Discuss Than Marriage

Alarming news today: Us Weeklyreports that Kim Kardashian, recent survivor of a long, arduous 72-day wedded union, and her new beau, Kanye West, are discussing marriage. [Shiver.] In light of this development—which, if not treated correctly, could result in another highly-publicized wedding and subsequent highly-publicized dissolution—VF.com offers 25 Kimye conversation topics more preferable than marriage.

What a reasonable amount of timeis for two people to date before discussing marriage.

What a reasonable amount of time is for one person to let pass after an ill-fated, $10 million televised wedding before discussing marriage.

Whether it is socially acceptable to discuss marriage before finalizing a divorce.

Whether People, Us Weekly, and In Touch readers will think it is socially acceptable to discuss marriage before finalizing a divorce.

Whether People, Us Weekly, and In Touch will stage polls to determine the results of above question.

Whether the Kardashians should just create their own tabloid to rival People, Us Weekly, and In Touch, featuring only stories about the Kardashians, Kardashian interviews with other Kardashians, and Kardashian-product advertisements featuring Kardashians.

Whether there is any product that a Kardashian will not promote if paid enough money.

What the appropriate age is for Mason Disick (son of Kourtney Kardashian) to ink his first promotional deal.

Whether it is possible to escape the Kardashian P.R. slavery trade? Does an underground railroad run underneath Calabasas? And if so, does it hold defected Kardashians that the world has never heard of underneath various DASH locations?

If an overblown E! wedding special chronicling the nuptials of a Kardashian union that did not last three months did not dispel American’s interest in the Kardashians, what will?