New Beginnings...
Tuesday December 27, 2016

I recently started a new job after having looked for many years. I feel proud of myself for having never given up looking to improve this part of my life and it has given me encouragement to tackle other parts.

I feel in control now when in the past I may have buckled under the pressure of a long commute and working with people who were narcissistic and selfish.

Two years ago, my partner was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and my mother passed away a month later. This double whammy floored me and managing my life and my partner's wellbeing has been exhausting. I soon realised I just had to get on with life and do the best I could.

At times like this, you really find out about yourself and your limits and it's quite enlightening to see how much you are able to adapt to. Whatever life threw at me, I found some inner strength to keep things going.

I now take one day at a time, enjoy every moment, and treat life as a gift, which it is, of course.

I am kind to myself, laugh at my mistakes, set my own bar low as I trust that I will always do my best.

I have learnt to love myself as much as I do others in my family, and it brings an inner comfort to my heart that I am at this stage of my journey of recovery.

The little things now bring the greatest reward - seeing a baby's smile in a supermarket queue, or watching nature shed its leaves from autumnal trees in the garden.

Identify the beauty in your life, pat yourself on the back for that job well done, treat yourself to an imaginary inner hug, it releases beautiful endorphins to improve mood.

Always remember there is no one qualified enough to judge you, apart from your good self, and you owe it to yourself to be fair to the most important mind going - yours.

Comments

Kit Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 5:43am

wise words thank you

the room above the garage Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 5:57am

Hello Martin, what a refreshing blog, reading it was like having a wash in a waterfall. For me, it is growing some self respect. That has brought about many alterations in life including my thought patterns. I'm able to contemplate that there may be a good side to a situation. Thank you for a great blog, love ratg x.

Jane Wed, Dec 28th 2016 @ 8:14pm

I really like this ratg xx

Orangeblossom Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 7:42am

Thanks Martin for all the helpful reminders in your blog. I appreciate them immensely. All the best for 2017.

Leah Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 8:29am

Adam G Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 8:32am

Excellent post Martin, thank you.

Pablo Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 9:01am

Well done with your new Job Martin. You ask what do I do uniquely for me to keep going. When there is no depression, I tend to forget about the black dog but at the moment, I am in a real low mood phase. I am not bi polar thank goodness. I just suffer from depression periodically. I just had my blood tests back and all is good wtf. No inflammation, no inflammatory markers, cortisol normal etc. This 60 year old fella is running short of bright ideas. On a brighter note, my spiritual auntie who also has medium powers has told me I will get through this. I just take a day at a time and it is tough keeping the smile going this time of year. I don't drink, smoke, eat cakes sugar etc. Anti depressants don't like me either, giving me horrible side effects and even worse depression coming off them. Luckily through it all, I still have a sense of humour, a loving wife, and some lovely family. So, to get through, I always ask for a better day tomorrow and sometimes I get one.

Shian Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 9:10am

Hi Martin thanks for sharing your personal experience and I am really glad you have come through some difficult times with your sense of joy and pleasure in the small every day things intact. I can sometimes have a tendency to wallow in negative thoughts and feel overcome by a challenge but your blog has helped to put things in perspective. I guess we all have difficulties in our lives but it's the way we respond to and deal with them that can affect our own sense of well being . You clearly have a careing compassionate nature and I wish you all the best in your new job.

Jul Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 9:13am

Hello Martin. Well done for getting that new job. That's such an achievement after looking for so many years. I am so sorry to hear about your partner. Does s/he still live with you? I haven't done anything I am proud of exactly but I have coped with a family crisis in I think the correct way. In a strange way, I think my depression has helped me cope as I don't blurt out how upset I am or make statements which I regret later. I am controlled to a large extent and am letting things happen without strong reactions. Depression dulls my emotions somewhat and takes away my self confidence to give strong opinions publicly. Therefore, depression has made me less reactive to the situation. I am a bystander which is the only position to take in this family crisis. So thank you depression!! Have a great 2017 Martin and lovely to see your name on a blog. More please! Let us know how you get on. Julx

Mary Wednesday Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 9:42am

One day at a time. Sometimes just one hour at a time. Somehow you just keep going and take joy in the small pleasures.

Sally Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 9:58am

Well done, Martin . For the blog and the job, and for doing one of the hardest jobs there is, caring. The little things all add up. This morning, we have a beautiful sun peeping through the tree outside, a ray of hope and encouragement I feel.
I have done nothing I feel proud of recently, mood was too flat, but maybe, just maybe, there will be times to come... I seem to get a January boost, so fingers crossed! Seeing my son ( severely autistic) chilled on Christmas Day was my best present . He smiled and smiled. We had him for seven hours.

Lesley Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 2:48pm

Martin, thank you for this honest and down to earth blog. My estranged partner sent me back the key to my house with a Xmas card stating "goodbye my love". That was Saturday the 17th. He would always appreciate the little things in life and I was not always so good at that. He is 64. I am 53. The past week has been crushing with grief at times. I realise I am cyclothimic and have phases full of ideas which are inconsistent. Anyway, back to your blog. I have added another two day a week job to my three days a week job. I am very proud to have been given this opportunity and I hope I will cope and that my body will not seize and have too much pain. We will see. Busy environments tend to up my nervous system and threat response.

Today I started with a hypnosis track to calm me. I have achieved lots of small successes today - cycled to Halfords and bought a vertical cycle pump getting a 20% discount, pumped my tyres to the right psi, and have been out clearing leaves, and cutting back shrubs etc in the garden in the sunshine. I texted said partner including this. "It is the sharing of simple home tasks that I miss. One person raking leaves and the other washing the car or making tea, That is life. Those small things done in the presence of another. ....A simple hug is all it takes to say the world doesnt matter because there is a dear one who simply loves you and lifts you." I was not always good at doing the above as I was hankering for a previous life, looking back.

My life has had many periods of isolation, starting with illness aged 15, and major upheaval that I have great fear of abandonment and loneliness. I have however a great deal to be thankful for and must simply live one breath at a time. That is all we have, each breath. The Moodscope community is a place of safety and growth. Martin, you have inspired me to keep going each day, even if it is without the partner I long for.

Here is to the little things in life, including teh ruddy starling which flew into the house and caused mayhem in the living room today!

Vickie Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 2:52pm

Hi Martin,
Thank you for the thoughtful post. To "keep going" I have come to accept that things don't always unfold as I would expect and as I get wiser I realize that I have become someone better and stronger because of the unexpected.
Congratulations on your new job.
Vickie

Brum Mum Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 4:46pm

Today was spotting a jay in the park on the morning dog walk. It's the little things that bring me pleasure especially when I don't get the bigger picture at all!

The Gardener Tue, Dec 27th 2016 @ 5:37pm

Very inspiring post. Just had a 5 hour lunch here with a couple of gay chaps - intelligent and fun. I can still cook very well, so am proud. A great thing with these two was how they kept Mr G going - he can often be very 'sticky' in company. One of them's mother had Alzheimers, and they dealt with her TOGETHER, obviating the scary possessiveness which gets to people with the disease, leaving one feeling mentally imprisoned. I was determined not to be 'affected' by Christmas - but it got to me, almost totally ignored by the family I got morbid, and sent a miserable (not blaming) e-mail, for which I will probably pay dearly. Martin has his new job, so glad. Mr G goes in for a week respite Friday - I've had seven weeks with only days' respite - in spite of family visits life has been tough, Mr G so manipulative. So, I have the new year (invited out among YOUNG people) and time to 'take stock' try to see how I can deal with the worst aspects. Lesley talks about clearing leaves - physical activity is a must for me, starting in Mr G's absence and continuing with determination. I thought the acquisition of a wheel-chair would allow going for walks, but it's all much more difficult than I had thought.

Jane Wed, Dec 28th 2016 @ 8:09pm

Thank you Martin, this has helped me so much. I lost my brother on Dec 20th, who had MH issues, and my Mum has dementia. I'm finding life a challenge to say the least at the moment. Thank you x

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