Raising grandchildren: Many support systems in place to help

Kellie Carrara

Monday

Sep 24, 2007 at 12:01 AMSep 24, 2007 at 6:24 AM

The U.S. Census Bureau says that in the United States more than six million children are being raised in their grandparent’s homes, and in Massachusetts, almost 68,000 children are living in grandparent-headed households.

When Janet and Michael Brennan Sr., of Bellingham gained legal and permanent guardianship of their 1-and-a-half year old granddaughter they were thrilled – and terrified.

Elated to have Tammy out of an unsafe parental environment and in their loving home and scared because they suddenly had a baby to care for.

“There were major adjustments in the beginning,” explained Janet, 59. “She came to us with just the clothes on her back – we needed a crib, clothes – there was a lot of shopping to do in a frenzy.”

More than just the initial material things needed, Janet and Michael Sr. also depended on the local Department of Social Services (DSS), the agency who helped place Tammy in their care originally, especially since they were involved in the family court system.

“We made a promise to the judge that we would treat her as our own and I take that very seriously,” she said.

“She slept in our room at first,” Janet said. “She just needed to be near someone who cared, but she’s adjusted very well – she’s an easygoing and very happy child.”

Janet said a difficult issue now is defining her own role as both Tammy’s guardian and grandmother, and her role as a grandmother to her other five grandchildren who do not live with her. “It’s hard to explain to them (the other grandchildren) that they have to go home when Tammy stays here.”

But through the day-to-day challenges and Tammy’s various stages, Janet reflects fondly.

“We’re able to spend much more time with her than we spent with our own children. As parents, you don’t have the time to take the time,” she said. “I’ve learned to make fantastic things out of playdough!”

Michael Sr. is now undergoing cancer treatment, and Janet says that even on the worst days, their live-in granddaughter lifts his spirits.

“She’s devoted to her grandfather – and with all he’s going through, she makes him happy and the pain just goes away.”

Tammy, now 5, is in kindergarten. “I’m looking forward to her growing up, being happy and getting an education,” said Janet. “She was dealt a tough hand and she’s come a long way. And we enjoy every minute of her.”

Grandparents as parents

The U.S. Census Bureau says that in the United States more than six million children are being raised in their grandparent’s homes, and in Massachusetts, almost 68,000 children are living in grandparent-headed households.

One of the most common reason this occurs is substance abuse by the child’s parent. Other reasons include child abuse, neglect and abandonment, teenage pregnancy, death, joblessness, divorce, incarceration, and illness, especially HIV/AIDS.

Because of this, there are a multitude of grandparent support groups and aid available to non-traditional families in the Boston area.

Marie Cassidy, director of the Medford Family Network, heads a parental support group at Medford High School where "Grandparents and Others" meet every Thursday morning from 10 to 11:30 a.m. The meeting is free to attend, and complimentary childcare is provided.

By working with the Council on Aging and Executive Office of Elder Affairs in Boston, Cassidy was able to receive funding for programs and help establish grant monies for local council on aging grandparent's groups. Most grandparents groups are open to any level of grandparental care–from after-school babysitting that help working parents out to legal guardians–most programs are free and all are welcome.

"We really began to see a need and started to do something about it," she said. "A lot of times grandparents, aunts or other relatives are not sure what they need, (when they come) but with a forum to go to, we give them a voice uniquely geared to them. A lot of people find themselves unexpectedly thrown into these roles and the group becomes emotional support."

The facilitator of the group, Arlene Wish, is a grandparent herself and like Cassidy, a retired DSS worker who has seen many of the issues grandparents raising grandchildren experience today.

“Raising a child is different now than it was years ago, the rules are different,” she said. “Here, grandparents build up a trust with each other and talk about stuff they’re involved with and there’s a closeness…that’s very fulfilling.”

Cassidy went on to say that caregivers are under a lot of stress and often lack self-confidence in raising children. The group deals with how to set limits for children, the importance of consistency in a child's life, developing relationships and above all, helping caregivers create safe and comfortable environments for the children they are now responsible for.

“I do not know how many times I have heard grandparents say, ‘kids are not like what they used to be,’” said Dr. Melissa Hakman, a licensed child clinical psychologist and assistant professor at Western Kentucky University. “Getting to know the grandchild and today’s culture at particular ages is a reported difficulty.”

Hakman, who in September was given the Positive Images of Aging Award from the Southeastern Association of Area Agencies on Aging for her work with grandparent/grandchild relationships, said the amount of stress grandparents caring for grandchildren are under is tremendous.

“A lack of social support, decrease in personal pleasurable events, and increased stress put the grandparents at risk for depression and anxiety,” she said.

To offer additional emotional support and positive outlets, the Network also organizes playgroups and classes offering many opportunities for grandparents and grandchildren to connect.

"I see an energy you would not expect–and the emotional support you get can really carry you," Cassidy said of the grandparents she witnesses in the various groups and programs. "No matter where you are (in the level of involvement of grandchild care) they are incredibly supportive of each other."

The classes and programs available are numerous and Cassidy says that involvement in such groups almost bridges the generation gap.

“Everyone has every-day, normal ‘kid’ issues,” she said. “And the groups bring out so much. It really bears thinking about.”

Support for grandparents as caregivers

Representatives from the Executive Office of Elder Affairs in Boston say the most common theme they see is grandparents needing respite care and help to ease the stress of child rearing.

They said many grandparents are not prepared to become the sole parental figures in a child’s life, financially or emotionally and rising to the occasion becomes very complex.

Hakman also said that financial stress is a common theme.

“Many times, grandparents do not qualify for financial assistance either because they do not have full custody of the children or their level of income is not substantially below the poverty level, which is a requirement for many financial programs.”

As a result of the financial difficulties, many times the grandchildren are not able to be involved with things at school. This places grandparents in a predicament because they want to meet the needs of the grandchildren and despite their best efforts, they cannot. This can also result in tension between the grandchild and grandparent.

The Family Caregivers Support Program, through local Aging Service Access Points, can assist by providing scholarships to day camps and activities for children during certain times throughout the year.

Federal funds are made available for programs like these and a child’s guardian can simply call the office for more information and to speak with a caregiver specialist who can direct them to the resources in their community.

Public benefits

Children are often eligible for state and federal benefits, even if their caregivers do not have legal guardianship or custody.

Programs include:

Financial Assistance - Cash assistance may be available to children and their grandparents and other relative caregivers through the Transitional Aid Families with Dependent Children (TAFDC).

For information, call (800) 249-2007 or visit www.state.ma.us/dta/.

Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) is a federal and need-based program offering cash assistance, food stamps and day care. To apply, contact your local Social Services Office

Food Stamps - Kinship care families may also be eligible for food stamps to help meet their children's food and nutrition needs.

For information, call (800) 249-2007 or visit www.state.ma.us/dta/.

Health Insurance--Grandparents or other relative caregivers may apply for free or low-cost health insurance on behalf of the children they are raising through the MassHealth program.

For information, call (800) 841-2900 or visit www.state.ma.us/dma/.

Social Security - If the parent of your grandchild has died, the child qualifies to receive Social Security benefits. To apply, contact your local Social Services office.

Other Benefits - Many state and federal benefits may also be available to eligible children, such as childcare subsidies, disability benefits and special education services.

For information, call (202) 662-3568 or visit the National Council on Aging's Benefits Check Up web site at www.benefitscheckup.org