5 people who almost certainly will not be Myanmar’s next president

The question of who will be Myanmar’s next president is the subject of fervent speculation this week, as parliament wraps up its final session.

National League for Democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi is constitutionally barred. Several people close to her are touted as likely candidates. But frankly, nobody really knows.

However, after careful consideration, we have found that it is very unlikely to be any of the following:

Hla Swe aka ‘The Bullet’

Top contender for most gaffes of the last parliament. Nicknamed ‘The Bullet’, the Union Solidarity and Development Party lawmaker (above) became known for his controversial, usually bigoted, statements. Including these absurd comments on Facebook last year: “I hate gays very much because they are useless. I call them ‘fake people.” He hates Muslims too, and made an enormous fail last year when he tried to use a painting of Suu Kyi to whip up Islamophobic sentiment.

Thant Myint-U

Thant Myint-U was born in New York City but moved back to Yangon in recent years. Photo: Facebook / Thant Myint-U

The head of the Yangon Heritage Trust (and grandson of United Nations Secretary General U Thant) is often mentioned as a contender for the presidency as he is dapper, very smart, speaks English and is Western-educated. He also worked for the United Nations so.. Probably too foreign. Also, he ruled himself out.

We doubt the Lady thinks too much of old Kyaw Swar Soe, who leads the Myanmar Farmers’ Development Party (MFDP), after he made some pretty controversial remarks about women in the run-up to November’s election. Mainly, he called them “fucking useless”. Plus, “if all the candidates were women, then the Parliament would be full of women,” he added, lamely.

The only strong voice of authority standing up for all minorities in Myanmar (sadly, that probably rules him out). He’s gunning for something, what with all those legendary speeches, but it’s likely the papacy.

Frequently the subject of religious-related rumor in Southeast Asia. Pissed off lots of Buddhists in 2010 after people spotted a very-hard-to-see Buddha statue in his ‘Sexy Chick’ video. Almost got back in Myanmar’s good books after a newspaper reported that he had converted to Buddhism. It was false. He’s still Muslim.