Modern Dating Advice for Smart Singles

Old Dating Rules That All Singles Should Live By

In my mind I have a picture of the type of man I’m looking for. He’s tall, fit and resembles Morris Chestnut ‘Brothers’ to ‘Two can play that game’ era. He’s smart, he’s not a millionaire, he doesn’t have to be all that funny but he’s fun, he’s supportive and he’s fine. Apparently that has been too much to ask.

When we can’t find what we think we are looking for questions start to surface to if we even deserve it. I hear so much rhetoric about what singles have to bring to the table. There is so much talk about if singles are really good enough for a “good” man or woman. Essentially if you’re still single are you really a catch? The scarier question being: if you find what you want, will they want you?

Obviously, that’s not a question I can answer for anyone but I have rejected enough men to know that sometimes who we think is perfect for us isn’t always checking for us. The most we can do as singles is just make sure we possess what our dates require. If someone isn’t interested in you it’s possible that your game plan was a bit off. It might be time to add a few more plays to your handbook.

Playing hard to get works. A little restraint goes a long way. If you are so excited about someone that you find yourself wanting to contact them aggressively and spend all of your free time with them, fall back. You’re turned out and that’s not cute. What offends anyone when singles show too much interest too soon is that you don’t know this person. You have no reason to already be so enthralled. Yes, crushes can feel exciting but most likely your zeal will be misconstrued as desperation. Chill out and calm the f*ck down. Its ok to text a simple hello on a daily basis but no one respects anything that comes to easily. That’s the truth.

Don’t answer every phone call; don’t see them every weekend and when they invite to do something that doesn’t sound incredibly interesting just say no. It’s all a matter of control and wouldn’t you prefer to stay in it. This advice is always met with the weak and whiney refute of “I don’t like to play games.” There is no game about living your life the way you did before you met this person. Some singles are afraid that any of these actions might deter a potential date in the long run but it won’t. Patient people are rare in dating, being one or at least seeming like one is an advantage.

It’s okay to tell someone you like them. It’s actually a really good idea. It may seem cheesy or awkward to be so blunt but definitive action can save you a lot of time. Imagine how you would feel if someone told you that they liked you. It’s a warm, fuzzy feeling coming from the right person. If you are dealing with someone who wants to waste your time admitting how you feel will expose their intentions. If you can’t express it out of fear of rejection, dig deep and man up.
Give a lot of compliments. It seems that men are afraid of inflating a woman’s ego thus giving her the upper hand but the truth is the one who compliments has the upper hand. When you like someone it isn’t exactly them, it’s how they make you feel that you really enjoy. Compliments make others feel wanted and desired. Compliments also make people feel appreciated. You should compliment your date often, on as many traits as possible. The compliments don’t need to be profound, just leave out the words sexual and chocolate I think your date will be flattered.

I’m sure you don’t advocate that women “compliment men a lot” (if yes, then I retract my comment), so as a man who has gone down that route, over-compliment a women can backfire , trust me on that one. a genuine compliment or two (NOT on her looks) on a date goes along way but not more.

Thanks so much for commenting! @ MetalH.(thanks for the clarification) I love compliments. They are the seeds of influence that anyone man or woman can use to make others like them. Men and women can give compliments or praise to another person for what they appreciate about them. I think there is no limit to how much you can or should compliment. I hear compliments all the time and it never gets old. I respect men who can give me compliments with authority without fear of seeming enamored and weak. The person who gives the compliment is in control but not if you’re just giving compliments randomly then that’s your problem. Singles should use the compliment as a part of the seduction or strong influence. I know that seduction is kind of an “ugly” word in dating but men don’t ask me out because I have a heart of gold. Even I, who is usually the recipient of compliments knows that they are useful to everyone and I give compliments all of the time. Men appreciate it. If someone tells me they use compliments and they don’t work, I will change my tune. thanks for reading and commenting, you can message me privately for one on one advice. its free!

here is the sample of BOLD compliments I use and HAVE worked in the past (still do!).

” You have luscious lips, I’d love to see them pressed against mine”

“I see you take pride in maintaining your physique,I find you attractive, and I feel you share the same feeling, I’d like you to share my company one on one, in a week or two to get to know each other more intimately”

“You have very soft skin, so soft that I’d like to pour warm chocolat over your belly button and lick it slowly after”

these are some bold compliments that let’s a women know what a man is thinking. all this flattery, entertaining conversation, cracking jokes, excessive BS small talk is useless.

Either the women is down to share my company or not, the rest is fluff talk. so what, I dont care if she rejects me. I just dont like to invest in someone who is just not into me.

all this flattery “you’re cute, you’re gorgeous” is just too try hard!

Thanks for sharing the video and no I didn’t learn anything that I didn’t already know 😉 I don’t disagree with anything Alan Currie said I would only add that talking to a woman needs to have a purpose and often men lack that. How can you say what you want if you don’t even know. Also, small talk is important but it only works if you know how to decipher what the other person is saying. There is a way to disarm a person with small talk while finding out key information. If it takes you 45 minutes and you don’t know that the woman has a man, well you’re dumb. There are many methods to successful dating. Alan Currie promotes being upfront which sometimes is necessary but I don’t promote that. I don’t believe that a man has to know what I want to initially give me what I want. If a man approaches me and I want a drink I’m not going to say well, I’m thirsty if you want to continue this conversation I’ll need a patron cosmo. My philosophy is that you should have confidence in yourself not the method. You should have a goal and find a way to achieve that goal. The idea that all men just want sex and all women just want relationships is partly to blame for why singles have so much trouble. Of course a man wants to be “liked” because he has to battle the stereotype that all he wants is sex. If a man asks me out and he’s interesting and funny I’ll go out with him, he doesn’t always need to be bold, just decisive. I really appreciate you sharing on my blog and I’m glad you like the posts, your feedback gives me alot to think about.

I thoroughly loved your tips on if you want to keep your man.. Though I myself comes from the men fraternity yet could not refrain from liking the minute detail you explained as I Could have easily relate to each point 😄. That's why , the marriage kills the romance because of those bad traits.

Miss Solomon - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

Thank you for your comment, and for reading. My advice is this. A man should be cherishing and chasing you. A man should be worried that he will lose you if he doesn't show you attention. If a man isn't treating you like you're valuable to him, don't stay with him. Show your own value by leaving him alone. You don't need anyone in your life who makes you feel like you're second class. I hope this was helpful.

Miss Solomon - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

Thank you so much for your comment and thank you for reading! I know this is easy to say but the best way to approach men that you like is to remove yourself from the outcome. Yes, you want a date, and I think it's great that you took the initiative but don't beat yourself up about the outcome. The circumstances might not be right. There is one way I recommend taking action in dating to see results. It's a simple process - Step 1. Write down 3 possible scenarios A,B,C - A being if nothing happens, B being if it something happens but not what you expected, C being if your ideal results happen. Then try to imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Prepare yourself for no response, for a rejection, or for a date. If you're prepared for any outcome, its easy to take action. Just don't NEED anything certain result. Just take action because you're a brave person willing to take risks, and go after what you want. Instead of worrying about the result, just focus on taking action. It's not about what happens, it's about taking the action, accepting the result as feedback and moving forward with new information. I think you did a great thing! and the action itself means more than the result because you showed confidence. If you don't get a date, that's ok. But don't stop right taking action where you can. I hope this was helpful.

Danica - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

there is this guy who flirts with me, shows all 32 teeth when smiling at me and sighs around me a lot, well I do like him and think the feeling is mutual, but ive asked men out in the past and that did NOT turn out as I had hoped. but I decided to give it another shot by giving my crush a Christmas card and writing in it the following "me and you coffee with my name/number" and if he is interested he has my digits. is that too much or not.

lizzy - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

i want u to advice me ma.there is dis guy v bn lvn for d past 10yrs i lata told im my filns and he agri to date ever since dat day he hasnt called or text v bn the 1 textn and calln.what can i do