Both Mouthie and Morthy are really active around here, and every time I see one of their names, I think, "Wait, I thought it was spelled the other way?" because I am a genius. Sad confession: I think I only just figured out within the last week that they are two separate people.

(Or are they???? dun dun dunnnn Has anyone ever seen them in a room together?)

So, my lovelies of RAOA, I want you to help me! Tell me how these two lovely people are different. What's the difference between Mouthie and Morthy? Morthy and Mouthie? I have $20 to use to gift to the person who can give me the best explanation.

The catch: It has to be a completely fake explanation. That's right, put your creative/humorous/wacky hats on and make up the best way to distinguish between Morthy and Mouthie. Spin me the tallest tale you can.

Also: Include the word "Mourthiey" in case I can't decide and need to raffle.

Also also: Yes, I did ask both Mouthie and Morthy if I could use their names in this contest, and they both said I could. Because they are lovely <3 Don't make up anything mean/inappropriate/rude, or I'll release unimaginable torments upon thee. (You know it's serious because I said "thee" instead of "you".)

Also also also: This contest will run until May 1, at about... 9pm central time. Ish. I'll update when I close it in case of any stragglers.

Also also also also: This is why I didn't comment in the recent "Contest ideas" contest. I was saving this one until I had money. Because I am cunning. Muahahahahaha! Then tonight's doctor bill was about $20 less than expected, so I sprang into action.

Also also also also also: I really abuse the word "also", don't I? I tried to replace it with the word "ponies" for a while once, but it didn't help.

The difference between them is actually quite small. A matter of a few inches in fact. For you see, they are actually co-joined twins.

They were born into a tough environment. They had a rough childhood--not because of their parents. Their parents loved them unconditionally and instilled within them loving kindness and determination. The difficulty came when they ventured into society. Children can be very cruel to those who they see or feel are different. Relentlessly bullied at school they would arrive at their home's doorstep defeated and bloodied, pricked by the barbs of sharp and terrible words. But they persevered. Those sharp words could not harm the inner core of goodness within them both. High school graduation felt like crossing the finish line of a long race. A race they'd won together. They spread the joy of human kindness throughout their daily lives now. They still get stared at and sneered at by those who can only see their exterior. But it only makes them smile.

A lot of people don't know this, but a Morthy is a rare kind of lemur, found in the vast wilds of the Scottish Highlands. It will appear to travelling bards who wish to learn the secrets of the land. Some believe the Morthy to be the inspiration, the muse if you like, for the fairy tales which have formed british fantasy literature as it is read today. A Mouthie, however, is a kind of biscuit.

This subreddit is the nexus of the universe where parallel universes collide. Morthy comes from an alternate universe where Stalin succeeded breeding super soldiers from apes. These super soldiers quickly rose to power leading to the Soviet Union's ultimate dominance over the entire world. These new ape super soldiers ruled with an iron fist and outlawed the letters u, i, and e (because they had nothing to do with bananas, vodka, or doing things the opposite of Americans). Mouthie comes from a universe where everything is 3/4 of an inch to the left of where it is in our universe. And there is where you get Mourthiey

Morthy and Mouthie were once the same. A vengeful, powerful creature, made by the Gods to protect this realm. Its name was Mourthiey.

Mourthiey was tasked with flying around the world on its flying hippo "Regulus", to see that the Gods' rules were being respected and embraced. He smote they who broke them with its mighty sword "Rinnegard", made from the skelleton of a thousand unicorns.

One day however, everything changed. One day, Mourthiey...fell in love.

The object of its affection was a mortal female by the name "Althea", who used to comb her hair under the pale moonlight, in the land that is now Nantucket.

Mourthiey always left this place for last on his patrols, to hover, watching this beautiful lady. And for a split second every night, Mourthiey felt she was staring back.

Three years after Mourthiey first saw her, he decided he had to do something. He had to meet her.

However, one side of Mourthiey, respected the covenant it had with the Gods too much. He was torn. A decision had to be made.

His mind was splitting, it wanted to go to her side, but at the same time, it knew that the world needed to be watched.

It made up its mind. With one swift cut of the sword, Mourthiey's body was split in half. One left and one right.

The left hand rushed to earth to meet its, or rather, his lover. The stars, seeing the true love in this half's eye, blended together and made the rest of his body. This entity, is now a person. A person we know as Morthy.

The other half ascended to the heavens, where the Gods rewarded its, or rather, her loyalty with a brand new body. To this day, she watches over our earthly realm, with the might of her sword. She is know as Mouthie.

Once every milennia, the two get together at the peak of the tallest mountain and just chat about their life, and share a bag of Doritos.

Mourthiey - well, it's a long story. But every word of this is true. You see, they are actually related. Let me tell you the story.

Mouthie wasn't always the responsible mom she is today. Oh no, she was quite a wild child. She shone like the sun and people begged for her affection. She has the wealth of Paris Hilton, the kindness of Amy Poehler, the wit of Tina Fey, the sailor's mouth of Sarah Silverman, the beauty of Meghan Fox, the wisdom of Neil deGrasse Tyson, the butt of a Kardas wait, no one has that, but suffice to say, she is pretty much a modern day Athena.

One day while traversing the wilderness of the Black Forest in Baden-Württemberg (where she was saving children from wolves and curing a secret virus let loosed by a mad fiend whose name cannot be mentioned) - a God named Meili fell in love with her. He declared that she was the only being as lovely as he and they had a torrid affair.

But Mouthie knew that someday, she'd settle down and have a human family - and possibly even a flat screen tv, so she broke Meili's heart. In his sorrow, he begged for a lock of her hair, which she graciously gave. And from that hair, the German god Meili formed a man in his image.

A man so beautiful and amazing that all the women were rendered speechless by his immense... awesomeness.

He named this demi god morthy - to remind him of his true love, mouthie.

Forever, their destinies are intertwined in love and beauty and awesomeness....

Well it's really quite simple to tell them apart... Morthy is the one with the... I mean if you look at them from the side, Mouthie has a bit more...

Hm.

Maybe they are the same?

Oh now I see. Mouthy is so generous on here because he created the united states army's nacho cheese recipe and was planning to distribute the ooey gooey goodness throughout the world but the military was concerned their enrollment numbers would go down without nacho exclusivity to bribe their new recruits with so they bought Mouthy's silence.

Whereas Morthy is secretly the Batman and uses his sizable inheritance to reap happiness on RAOA (that is, when he isn't off saving Gotham.)

Mouthie and morthy were twins born at the dawn of time both fated to roam the earth for eternity. Mouthie being gifted with the charisma and charm to negotiate any situation and morthy a fierce warrior who has brought death to untold thousands.

They roamed the earth for millennia until brought together to random acts of amazon where it has been prophesied that The One will make his presence known. The One who is foretold to bring balance to the Internet.

It was mouthie's idea that through a cunning series of contests they would weed out contenders and find The One. Although it is still morthy's opinion that they should just kill everyone on the Internet and it would be The One who could survive.

Who is right? A lot of us play in contests but a lot of us disappear from this sub never to be heard off again.

Well, you see, Morthy is an infamous male exotic dancer who's claim to fame is wearing fully body mesh jumpsuits. Mouthie is actually his manager and they tour the world together confusing people with their names.

Why? Why?! Whyyy?!!!!! Why did you have to ask? Ugh. Fine. I told myself I wouldn't tell this story ever again. It's too... Too painful. It's best left in the past. Where it lies. But you seem to think it's your business. So take a seat and listen close, I will not repeat myself again.

Far back in a time forgotten, there was a single copper stone. Its shine was so bright that, little by little, the surrounding mud and dirt receded. Over eons, and across lifetimes, the copper shone. And the mud receded even more. Planets formed, life arose, life died, and planets broke apart into dust. But the copper shone.

And this continued for a great length of time. The copper and the surrounding mud stayed - the only constant in an ever-changing world. But finally, all changed. No one knows why, for none were around to witness it. And no one can guess, for none have an imagination free enough to conceive of it.

But one thread of truth is known. The copper split. It split with such a force that the surrounding mud, the living planets, and even its own theater - the universe - were wiped from existence. In its place, two forms. On large. One small. But both of the same origin.

The forms, like the copper before them, shone for millenia before subsiding into solids. They finally touched the ground they had created. And with that simple joining, the life of all that once was flooded back through them. It filled their every pore. Each instance in history became a piece of these two bodies.

Yet the copper did not split equally. And so these two bodies were not equal. One was tall, the other short. On took strength, while the other captured intellect and cunning. For a time it appeared the two were content in sharing all that the past world had to offer. But as many know, time is never constant, and change occurs at the most inopportune times.

The two bodies developed eyes fixed on the other's possessions. Not unlike man, they could not help but want. They could not help but need. And so they stole.

They tore at each other. Great strikes of power and force, ripping at the other's body, releasing unknown masses of history into space. Not long after, both bodies had been reduced to nothing more than their most basic ingredients. One was now nothing but strength. The other only cunning. And each wanted more.

The two most powerful strikes met that day. Grasping at hearts, pulling at minds. A desperate attempt to consume. To own. But the strikes met together between them. And for the shortest moment, all of the history, all of the life, returned in a flash. It surged forth from the dueling strikes, covering all of space. Returning to what once was.

The two bodies, however, were neither strong enough, nor cunning enough, to withstand the force of nature and time. In a whirl of complete darkness, they were pulled apart, and dragged into the shadows.

And that's where they remain. Lurking, hiding, and waiting. Watching the world as it turns, watching life as it lives, and watching each other, biding their time until they're strong enough to fight again.

As men, we tend to find ourselves above all else. Kings of domains, captains of empires, and titans of the world. Naturally, it's difficult to comprehend that there are forces at play where we cannot venture. But when such a discovery is made, when we cannot control nor contribute, we place names.

For some reason, giving a force a name can make it tangible. It becomes less wild, less vicious, less threatening. And we can once again place ourselves atop it. That is why we name. And this instance is no different. We know very little of the acts of these two bodies now shadowed. All we as men can muster are names to give them, in hopes to push aside our fear of them.

We named them, Morthy and Mouthie.

The End.

Thank you all, good luck to all, and I look forward to reading some great stories!

by day we have the mild mannered news paper stand clerk Mouthie, unassuming quiet silently observing the world at whole un noticed. by night we get Morthy, crime fighting badass, taking down the bad guys saving reddit from the haters (which is why we have none) and helping us n00bs) no one will ever notice Mouthies secret identity.... no one

Simple. Mouthie is a real person... I have seen proof of that. However I am convinced Morthy is an A.I. cybernetic Sloth that is hell bent on taking over the world by lulling all of humanity into a false sense of security before unleashing an Army of Angry Cyborg Sloths to wreak Chaos and destruction on all of us in the name of bringing around the Age of Synthetic Life forms. Mouthie will unfortunately be a scape goat that us few humans that are allowed to live as slaves to our new will blame for the destruction of humanity as Mouthie will be given a false position of power as Morthy's Human Concubine. This of course will cause humanity to rise up against out Cybernetic Sloth oppressors Throwing them down and taking back Earth. Surprisingly though it will be Mouthie that makes it possible by striking down Morthy before he/she/it can throw the switch that would scorch the earth of all life. Thus causing the remnants of Humanity to place Mouthie in the position of their leader who will then lead them into the stars. Humanity will know a time of prosperity unlike it has ever seen as we colonize world after world. And the legend of the titanic battle ( which was actually little more then a back stab but you know how Legends go ) between Morthy and Mouthie was the spark that turned humanity into the most powerful, prosperous, yet kind and helpful race in the Universe.

By day, mild-mannered Morthy is just a normal person, as normal as any redditor anyways. But, when the moon rises, Morthy (who was once nibbled upon by a yorkshire terrier who was thrice-cursed by a witch who lives in an RV somewhere in the Rockies, selling My Little Pony hats to make ends meet) turns into Mouthie, the super-adorable wereterrier who just wants to be cuddled.

While life is hard because of this (the pee stains on the rug were just the worst), every new moon, Morthy will instead morph into the dreaded Mourthly, terror from beyond the stars, destroyer of rose bushes, slayer of chew toys, and a huge fan of the Arsenal football club. Which is rubbish, because Man U is a way better club but Mourthly just won't see to reason.

By day and night, Morthy and Mouthie quest to garner karma (not reddit karma, real karma) with great generosity on RaoA in hopes that one day, that witch will reverse the curse. She probably will, since she's long since forgiven the yorkshire terrier for peeing on the passenger seat of her old camper van back in the 30's. The seat-pee incident was the result of a rather bitter argument over... Well I won't get into details, but it was long, it was bitter, and now neither the yorkshire nor the witch are allowed back in Florida.

Hmm..if I was really going to enter then I suppose I should spin some extensive yarn about how a fellow named Mourthiey found a way to clone himself. Knowing that the good people of Sri Lanka (his native land) butchered his name something terrible he felt that in order to give his clones a chance he would have to change their names. He gave each one a simpler variation on Mourthiey and sent them out across the world to live. Just like Rocky, they started out with very childlike brains (but swelt figures and six pack abs) so Mourthiey trained them before their departure to be kind, caring and philanthropic ladies and gentlemen.

We here at RAOA have met two of Mourthiey's clones. Morthy and Mouthie. Both clearly have names that suit the continents they were dispatched to and both have upheld the morals and values instilled in them by their creator...father...source dude, if you will. Perhaps we have met their sisters and brethren in our travels whenever we encounter unscheduled kindness or altruism at work. That free Starbucks paid for by the person in the car ahead of you? It was a clone of Mourthiey.