CHILDREN SAY AND DO THE DARNDEST THINGS...

- We rushed our four-year-old son, Ben, to the emergency room with a terrible cough, high fever, and vomiting. The doctor did an exam, then asked Ben what bothered him the most. After thinking it over, Ben said hoarsely, "I would have to say my little sister."

-The teacher in one of our local grade schools was showing a copy of the Declaration of Independence to her pupils. It passed from desk to desk and finally to Luigi, a first-generation American. The boy studied the document reverently. Then, before passing it on, he gravely added his own signature.

- On the way back from a Cub Scouts meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed for a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."

- Driving with my two young boys to a funeral, I tried to prepare them by talking about burial and what we believe happens after death. The boys behaved well during the service. But at the gravesite, I discovered my explanations weren't as thorough as I'd thought. In a loud voice, my four-year-old asked, "Mom?" "Yes," I whispered. "What's in the box?"

- A family was celebrating their daughter's fifth birthday at a local restaurant when the little girl's father noticed her looking sadly at a moose head on the wall. Someone had placed a party hat on its head. Her father knelt beside her and explained why some people hunt animals. "I know all that," the child sobbed. "But why did they have to shoot him at his birthday party?"

- We had just finished listening to an old Simon and Garfunkel tune when my young daughter asked, "Well, did he?" "Did he what?" I asked back. "Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?"