Here I was beginning to think that just like mermaids, a sober Lohan and jizzing while getting butt sexed without touching yourself, the Tupac Shakur sex tape was nothing but a myth. But TMZ proved it’s a real thing this morning by coughing up a few stills and here’s one of them. In the 5 minute long tape, Tupac proves that he would’ve been a “pat head rub belly” champion by holding a drank and sucking on a blunt while one of his groupies sucked on his down low blunt. Yeeeeeah, I love peen like it’s made out of bacon, but I don’t know if I want this. But I will give credit where credit is due! No, not to Tupac for his multitasking skills. But to that determined dick sucker.

Sometime in the future she’ll gather all her grandchildren around and tell them, “Did you know your grandmother once slurped on the dick of Tupac Shakur while he swayed his hips and danced with his homey and not once did my tooth graze his shaft. Yes, that’s why I have that framed ‘The Only Trick You’d Want Sucking Your Dick During An Earthquake’ certificate hanging in the den.”

Prouderest isn’t a word, but it will become one to describe the emotions her grandchildren will feel after hearing that historical story.

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