Confusion (Orig. posted Blog-City)

The mood hasn’t passed, at the mo’ it got put on hold for a while but it’s starting to come back, I’m watching Alfie which has always been one of my favourite films but there are a couple of different ways you can watch it either enjoying the happy parts or concentrating more on the melancholy ones of which there are many, it is quite a dark film when all’s said and done. No surprises for guessing what way I’m seeing it this eve.

The money situation is no better and for some reason the fact that I have 10 days to go until pay day is affecting me more than when I had 14 days. Curious that. I did manage to sell a bit of stuff on ebay so that’s a few quid that I can well do with.

I saw my Mother today on the way back from Kent and she’s been routing around in her attic uncovering papers and shit that haven’t seen the light of day for decades. One of which deals with a report from the Institute of Neurophysiological Psychology on yours truly when one was referred there when I was younger. It’s scary shit I tell you it goes into all these details about my physical and mental development and basically it’s talks about a lot of specific tests to do with educational ability and physical reflexes and such like. The conclusion is quite frank and says I have ‘perceptual problems in the areas of visual discrimination and visual-motor integration’ the series of tests apparently confirms that I am ‘neurologically disadvantaged’ and ‘display a degree of organic brain dysfunction’ and this is the worst bit where 100% is total dysfunction I displayed 79% dysfunction in the areas tested. What the fucking hell does this mean? This is bloody frightening stuff I mean what’s the story is this something that I should be doing something about or is it all past history and no longer relevant? Why am I putting this down here for effect? No it’s really ‘cos it’s not exactly the sort of thing you bring up at the dinner table and I wanted to try to sort it out in my own head. I knew I had been referred a couple of times between when I was 6 and when I was 13 but I didn’t know there was such a report.

I have a sneaky suspicion this is going to be a quite shit week.

Song Of The Day – Gene ~ Song For The Dead

Original Comments:

Katie made this comment,
Just passing through, I’ve lost my calculator so a revision break is forced upon me (don’t you hate it when that happens, somethings there one minute you look back and its gone….reminds me of something else 😉 Nice to know I’ve given you such a good start to the week couldn’t answer phone etc need to work, looks like its going to be an all-nighter fan-fucking-tastic.
Kate x
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comment added :: 21st June 2004, 03:03 GMT+01
Rachel made this comment,
sometimes science sucks. there are so many dead ends and theories that cannot be proven. a traumatic experience or accident somewhere in your life can awaken unusual brain activity, and that could be the reason that it shows up differently for you. also, all the “right” answers to the questions are only what other people have assumed. as far as we can tell, you could be the completely normal one, while the doctors/scientists that made up the tests are all bonkers.
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comment added :: 21st June 2004, 04:17 GMT+01
Bob Red made this comment,
this reminds me of a old school report i dug up a few years back. The teacher said that my reading skills were behind, my hand eye co-ordination was bad, and i needed constant supervision. well that was the jist of it anyway. The point is mate, you need to put that behind you and move on. my school report was written when i was about seven.
I bumped into the two faced cow who wrote that report just after i got my degree, and she was all like “oh i always knew you would do well… i never doubted it for a second!” yeah right… i just treated it with the contempt it deserved.
I guess the point im trying to make is that everything changes. Peoples attitudes and opinions change. It could well be that the test methods they used then may now be considered inacurate. It is also possible that you have managed to overcome these problems during normal life experiences.
In any case mate, i wouldnt dwell on it.
Red