The after parties are where it all happens. Where the sexy celebrities with acting chops who get to attend the awards get to meet the sexy celebrities who don't have so much of the talking and speaking and emoting talent and we pretend they're all equals, because in the eyes of Egotastic!, if they're hot, they truly are.

In addition to the Golden Globe Awards hotness of Jessica Alba, Emma Stone, and Maria Menounos, the Instyle party featured noteworthy ogling opportunity contributions from always hot Miranda Kerr in a push-up top, Victoria Justice who makes our mouth water with the devil's drool, Erin Wasson, a fashion model and dress designer who designed herself one wicked hot outfit, Kaley Cuoco, bubbly princess hottie, and Billionaire Barbie (yeah, I know, we almost included Nicky Hilton too, but her net negative personality sucked the thrill out of us like a wet sponge).

And, while the Instyle Party was the place to be in L.A. last night, I'd like to give a shoutout to my poda-masseuse, Gagne Soo, who showed up at my Golden Globes viewing party with three BBWs who plowed through my crudités platter in less than seven minutes. It was like watching a NatGeo sweeps week 'Attack of the...' program. Enjoy.