When is a rape not a rape?

This story highlights what for me is a very important issue : that there are different ‘forms’ of rape, but they all amount to the same thing – non-censusual sexual activity. Examples:

Date rape: even within this category there are variations. You can just be out in a club or bar, and someone you are most certainly not with can spike your drink. You can be out on an actual date with someone, and they can spike your drink. You can be on a date with someone who believes that consenting to a date means relinquishing all rights to your own body, and will force themselves on you.

‘Out-and-out rape’: the form people are most likely to be sympathetic towards the victim, where an attacker stalks you, forces you into a secluded area and rapes you. What is frequently used against those who are raped is the fact that you are likely to at least casually know your rapist in almost every circumstance – somehow you are meant to have a magically ‘rapist’ sensor that alerts you to someone creepy, so you can what? avoid them? prevent them from following you home? Or maybe no one should be allowed to walk home on their own ever again – that’ll stop the rapes! Oh wait! But you also shouldn’t get into cabs, because someone might drive off and rape you! So… stay indoors if you don’t want to get yourself raped. The solution couldn’t possibly be educating people that just because they WANT something, doesn’t mean they can HAVE IT. Your dick will not fall off if you do not have sex. Deal.

Statutory rape: sex with someone under the age of consent. Obviously a tricky area. The law is designed to protect vulnerable young people from predators, and to have a means of prosecuting them. Sadly, it also means that my first boyfriend was technically a rapist, me being only fifteen and he seventeen. It just shows how many variables have to be taken into account when discussing rape. And they ALL focus around consent. I most certainly consented with my boyfriend, fully aware of the nature of my own desire. An eleven year old being groomed by a forty year old man: they might ostensibly ‘consent’ to sex, but they do not know what that means – they are consenting to satisfy the desires of someone they want to please, not to mutual sex.

I don’t really know what to call this last one – I welcome suggestions. This is the one that fits the article above. It is the ‘too drunk to say no’ rape, and causes such controversy. Quite why, I am uncertain – if someone is too drunk to speak, to articulate their desires – DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM. They cannot want it. If, as the man in this case claims, you ‘mis-read’ the signs – TOUGH. Deal with the consequences. Accept responsibility for the fact you had sex with someone against their will. This is not rape in the Big Bad Rapist sense, as with that disgusting taxi driver Rachel wrote about. It is the rape of female desire. If the man wants it, and she can’t refuse it, then he deserves it, and should not be punished for taking what he thought he should have. It sickens me, because it is contrary to everything I believe about sex: mutual enjoyment, desire, trust…

There needs to be more awareness about the different forms rape can take. More than anything, the victim-blaming needs to stop.

Sorry for all the long posts – its been an angry day. They’ll be some light entertainment soon 🙂