A blog for HIV negative women that have HIV positive spouses and would like support around this issue.

Friday, August 17, 2012

It's finally happened...WE'RE PREGNANT!

Well friends, after many years of trying...we have finally succeeded! I found out earlier this week that I am pregnant! It has been a journey of valleys....and now finally the mountaintop.

Since my husband is HIV+ and I am negative, we have been considering our options for pregnancy for over a decade now. We finally decided that our best option was to have planned unprotected intercourse during the times I was ovulating. I am lucky to have a team of doctors and specialists who were supportive and encouraging, and after many discussions, consultations, and lots of research I was fortunate to have a doctor that prescribed me Truvada, an HIV medication that can be prescribed to HIV negative people who are at high-risk of infection. Truvada was just recently approved by the FDA to be used for Pre-Exposure Prophlaxis (PrEP). (Read more about that here)

We've been announcing it to friends and once again, I am reminded that I must give people room to react, and not take their reactions personally. Everyone we have shared the exciting news with has immediately asked..."How did you guys do that?!" before congratulating or celebrating with us...and it is something we expected people to do. In fact, we made the decision early on to simply say "We worked very closely with a great team of doctors and specialists to make it happen and we are thrilled that we were successful, " and leave it at that. But somehow, when the question was asked, and the moment came to say the line we had practiced so many times....we just couldn't do it. I don't know how to explain it...we just both felt that the little miracle baby inside of me deserved our complete confidence and honesty. So, even though we didn't plan it that way, we just simply said, "We got pregnant naturally, and we worked very closely with a great team of doctors and specialists to make it happen and we are thrilled that we were successful, and we feel confident that both mom and baby are healthy as can be."

We were both surprised by our impromptu decision to be upfront and honest with people after years of planning to be ambiguous, but somehow, its what is right for us and for the new little miracle baby. We found that the confidence in our response set the tone for people's reactions....we simply stated the truth and something about our tone let people know that the issue wasn't up for debate or questioning, and that our expectation was that they be excited for us.

It is a great lesson for me...we have explored every option in our attempts to get pregnant, and now that we have been successful, there is no reason to feel less than confident, nothing to apologize for, and no reason to go into details about how it happened because the most exciting part is that we were successful!

I could tell that our parents wanted more details, but initially, we simply didn't "go there." However, I talked to my mom a couple days later and had an in-depth conversation about our decision. She was definitely uneasy with the fact that I risked exposure to myself, and she told me that until I am officially pronounced "negative" she cannot enjoy or celebrate the news. I am totally fine with that. As I've learned, people need room to react. It is a lot to take in and accept. (If you knew my mom you'd know its WAAAAYY out of her comfort zone to be calm about something like this...she didn't talk to me for 5 years after I told her that my husband was HIV positive, but that's a topic for another day)

I told her that I could certainly understand her hesitancy to be excited given the circumstances, but if she didn't feel she could celebrate our miracle, we would continue the celebration and she could join us whenever she felt she could. The fact is, I know she is trying to manipulate me into engaging with her on "How could you have been so careless" and "What if this" "What if that" but I know how the journey went for me. I don't need to provide answers to anyone about any part of this journey. I just want to surround my little miracle baby with love, comfort, peace, and goodness. If someone wants to bring a negative attitude or energy to this, I feel a responsibility to protect myself and little one against those negative vibes and I make no apologies about that. We have too much to do before April 18th when the little miracle baby is expected to arrive to worry about whether people approve of our decisions.

Hello- I came across your blog recently and wanted to see how your pregnancy is going. Truth be told, I wanted to see that you had remained virus free with the truvada. My husband is also positive and I am negative so I was very interested in your experience.

Congrats on the new addition to your family. I think it's wonderful. One thing that God does not do is make mistakes. I think you are asking yourself questions that nobody has the answers to because well none of us knows what the future holds so just enjoy your right now. I just married my husband who is HIV positive one month ago and I am HIV Negative. We are choosing not to tell anyone because of the stigmas attached to HIV but at the same time it is a burden because I have no one to talk to about what I sometimes feel. I just know that my husbands status does not determine who he is as a man. It gets really hard sometimes and I like you wonder what life would be like in a regular situation, then it came to me that no matter what relationship you are in they all come with mountains. Some are just a little bigger than others.

Congrats on the new addition to your family. I think it's wonderful. One thing that God does not do is make mistakes. I think you are asking yourself questions that nobody has the answers to because well none of us knows what the future holds so just enjoy your right now. I just married my husband who is HIV positive one month ago and I am HIV Negative. We are choosing not to tell anyone because of the stigmas attached to HIV but at the same time it is a burden because I have no one to talk to about what I sometimes feel. I just know that my husbands status does not determine who he is as a man. It gets really hard sometimes and I like you wonder what life would be like in a regular situation, then it came to me that no matter what relationship you are in they all come with mountains. Some are just a little bigger than others.

Congrats on the new addition to your family. I think it's wonderful. One thing that God does not do is make mistakes. I think you are asking yourself questions that nobody has the answers to because well none of us knows what the future holds so just enjoy your right now. I just married my husband who is HIV positive one month ago and I am HIV Negative. We are choosing not to tell anyone because of the stigmas attached to HIV but at the same time it is a burden because I have no one to talk to about what I sometimes feel. I just know that my husbands status does not determine who he is as a man. It gets really hard sometimes and I like you wonder what life would be like in a regular situation, then it came to me that no matter what relationship you are in they all come with mountains. Some are just a little bigger than others.

I see i am almost a year later with a response but I want to congratulate you and your husband and i pray that your baby is thriving today! Having a baby is a true blessing and under these circumstances its a blessing 10x over! I commend you for even sharing this most private information w so many of your friends. When you do sure such info, all of those people are going to raise a brow at anything you do that has some relation to or affect from the infection. My husband and I have chosen to keep this between ourselves and our healthcare professionals. Our baby was born in 2011 health and happy and i am still negative. The treatments today are great as people are living regular loves and we are seeing a new face of this disease. Whats most important is for folks to be more responsible by getting tested, knowing their status as to not spread it. Would love to get an update from u!