On April 5, Air Force Staff Sergeant
Philip Myers returned home from the
war in Iraq at Dover Air Force Base in
Dover, Maryland. Dover is the entry
point to the United States for the caskets
of soldiers killed overseas. Myers
had been killed in Afghanistan the day
before.

Before that date, you probably would
have only heard about Sgt. Myers’s
death in the papers, on the Internet or
on the radio or TV news. For most
Americans, his death would have been
one more casualty in name only. That
is because for the past 18 years, soldiers
who have returned home to the
United States after being killed in military
action have done so in private.

In 1991, at the beginning of the Gulf
War, President George H.W. Bush instituted
a ban on media coverage of the
return of soldiers’ remains to Dover.
Occasionally, the ban has been lifted—such as the ceremony for the 17 Navy
seamen killed in the attack on the USS Cole in 2000, or when families have
invited the media into their grief once
their loved one has left Dover—but for
the most part our war heroes have returned
home unannounced, unnoticed
and unheralded.

The ban is said to have been instituted
to spare the grieving families from
media intrusion. Some critics, however,
claimed it hid the human cost of war
and allowed Americans to become disconnected
from its realities.

But that all changed earlier this year
when the Department of Defense
changed its policy. The ban came up
during President Barack Obama’s first
live prime-time press conference in late
January, when he said he had asked
Defense Secretary Robert Gates to review
the policy. About a month later,
Gates announced the change, saying
the decision “should be made by those
most directly affected, on an individual
basis, by the families of the fallen. We
ought not presume to make that decision
in their place.”

Since then, some families have welcomed
the news cameras, saying they
found comfort in sharing their grief,
while others have chosen to mourn in
private, away from the glare of cameras.
Some veterans’ groups, such as Iraq
and Afghanistan Veterans of America,
have hailed the decision, saying it
shows Americans the true cost of the
war. Others say it is only a matter of
time before the photos are used for less
noble purposes.

How do those who serve feel about lifting
the ban? I asked my friend Paul,
who is in the Air Force and has served
in Iraq, how he felt. I knew that, two
weeks into his deployment, a member
of his unit had been killed when his
plane went down. Paul took part in
the ceremony loading the casket onto
the plane for the flight home to Dover.

“As an individual who has family
and friends that serve and also as someone
who is a member of a unit that lost
someone in combat in 2007—I believe
not only that photographs should be
permitted, but also that the entire ceremony
be televised just like the presidential
funerals,” he said. “I’m not
saying from-airport-to-grave and an
eight-hour event on every channel, but
as the C-5 arrives and unloads at Dover,
the 30-45 minute ceremony should be
a moment of silence for the country.

“It has been my experience that as
the photographs are not taken and the
sacrifices of these men, women, moms,
dads, brothers and sisters are left to the
humble reception of just their families,
it seems as if a majority of the country
moves on without acknowledging the
sacrifice. I can appreciate the humble,
quiet moments families would want to
grieve in their own way alone, but we
should realize it isn’t just a family losing
someone—it is a loss the country
bears as well. The ceremony should be
something all Americans should experience,
in order to appreciate fully the
job done by our service members.”

As the daughter of a Korean War veteran,
the daughter-in-law of a Navy
seaman and the friend of a veteran of
the most recent Iraqi war, I feel very
close to this issue. While I am blessed
that all of them survived their service,
I can imagine how I might feel if that
soldier were my dad, my brother, my
sister, my friend.

On one hand, I think the coverage
acknowledges the serviceperson and
the ultimate sacrifice he or she made. It
also reminds us of the reality of war. But
I also see the mucky mess that can come
if people or groups start using the photos
to push their own agendas. There’s
also the question of families who might
want the photos for their own personal
use. News outlets generally do not
release their photos. And what if family
members themselves cannot agree?

People often refer to caring for people
“from the cradle to the grave” or for
the entirety of their life. On March 2,
1943, British Prime Minister Sir Winston
Churchill coined this phrase amidst a
discussion on national compulsory
insurance. The Catholic Church certainly
supports this idea through its
beliefs and rituals.

With the change in this U.S. government
policy, that concern for honoring
the entire life of our servicemen
and women—from the cradle to the
grave—as well as respecting the wishes
of their families is once again being
met. It is right that the decision how
best to honor them is left with those
who have lost the most. But whether
we see them come home or not, let us
all share in the grief of their families.
For it is on behalf of all of us that those
who die are fighting.—S.H.B.