Is Male Porn Use Ruining Sex?

Are men becoming totally out of sync with real-world romantic relationships?

Since day one the online universe has been driven, at least in part, by sexual content. Digital devices currently provide erotic images and videos of every ilk imaginable to anyone who’s interested, 24/7/365. Just about anything that can turn a person on is readily available in virtually unlimited quantities—easily, instantly, and anonymously accessed. Recent statistics show that approximately 12 percent of all websites are porn-related, 25 percent of all search engine requests are sex-related, and 35 percent of all Internet downloads are pornographic, so porn is pretty darn ubiquitous. And these numbers don’t even count all the user-generated (amateur) stuff that is posted and viewed on social media sites like Facebook and Instagram.

These facts may or may not be alarming, depending on your point of view. If you’re a teenaged boy driven by adolescent hormones, this may sound just fine and thank you Internet! If, however, you’re the parent of that young man, then maybe you’re not so jazzed. And if you’re a 40-year-old man with a loving wife and two children and you’re spending hours every night looking at and masturbating to online porn instead of spending time with your family, getting needed sleep, prepping for that big presentation at work tomorrow morning, or whatever else it is that you really should be doing, then online porn may be bad news indeed. Regardless of where you stand on the issue, there is no denying that digital technology has greatly increased the accessibility, affordability, and anonymity of porn use. The million dollar question, of course, is what all this porn is doing to the people who are using it.

Porn and Young Men

In their recent TED talk turned eBook, The Demise of Guys: Why Boys are Struggling and What We Can Do About It, Phillip G. Zimbardo and Nikita Duncan talk about the “technology enchantment” that is adversely affecting today’s young males. They write, “From the earliest ages, guys are seduced into excessive and mostly isolated viewing and involvement with texting, tweeting, blogging, online chatting, emailing, and watching sports on TV or laptops. Most of all, though, they’re burying themselves in video games and…pornography.” The fear, of course, is that adolescent boys are no longer learning what it takes to evolve healthy romantic partnerships, that they are using online porn as their model for real-world sexual relationships. And this may well be a legitimate concern since online porn typically has no storyline, no emotional connection, no buildup to the sexual performance, and no concern for physical or emotional safety. There is no talking, no negotiating, no seducing, no romancing, and no tenderness. Usually kissing and foreplay are totally absent. All that’s there is an endless stream of idealized body parts and sexual acts. Zimbardo and Duncan assert that because of this boys’ brains are being rewired to demand unrealistic levels of novelty, stimulation, and excitement, and, as a result, they are becoming totally out of sync with real-world romantic relationships.

This does in fact appear to be happening with some young men. In fact, according to the results of two large-scale surveys in Japan, one in 2008, the other in 2010, the issue is not only more prevalent than one might expect, but growing. For instance, the 2008 survey found that 17.5 percent of males aged 16 to 19 stated they had no interest in or an outright aversion to sex with another person. Two years later, this percentage had more than doubled, to 36.1 percent. For males aged 20 to 24 the percentage increase was similar, up from 11.8 percent in 2008 to 21.5 percent in 2010. This rising disinterest in real-world physical intimacy coincides directly with the online porn explosion, which began in earnest right around 2008. So it appears the new reality for at least some young men is that, thanks to online porn, they are less motivated than their predecessors to seek traditional forms of in-the-flesh sexuality. And why would we expect any different when online porn guarantees young males exactly what they’re looking for in terms of intensity, distraction, control, and a nonexistent risk of rejection?

Even males who are fully grown and either already in or desirous of real-world relationships can struggle with the negative effects of pornography. One increasingly documented issue is that of sexual dysfunction—both erectile dysfunction (ED) and delayed ejaculation (DE). Simply put, growing numbers of men, including many males in their sexual prime, now suffer from sexual dysfunction, and their dysfunction appears to be directly related to their use of online pornography. Interestingly, this issue is not entirely due to the frequency of masturbation and orgasm outside a primary relationship (i.e., the need for a sexual refractory period in which males “reload,” so to speak). In reality, the problem is increasingly related to the fact that when a guy spends 70, 80, or even 90 percent of his sex life masturbating to online porn—endless images of sexy, exciting, constantly changing partners and experiences—he is, over time, likely to find his real-world partner less stimulating than the visuals parading through his mind. In other words, the digital porn explosion has created in some men an emotional disconnection that is manifesting physically as sexual dysfunction with real-world partners.

Possible signs of porn-induced sexual dysfunction include:

A man is able to achieve erections and orgasms with pornography, but he struggles with one or both when he’s with an in-person partner.

A man is able to have sex and achieve orgasm with partners, but reaching orgasm takes a long time and his partners complain that he seems disengaged.

A man is able to maintain an erection with real-world partners, but he can only achieve orgasm by replaying porn clips in his mind.

A man increasingly prefers porn to real-world sex, finding it more intense and more engaging.

A man’s real-life partners complain that they feel like “the other woman.”

The simple, sad truth here is that thanks to heavy porn use growing numbers of men are suffering from sexual dysfunction, be it ED, DE, or both. Even worse, male sexual dysfunction affects not just men, but their romantic partners. After all, if a guy can’t get it up, keep it up, or reach orgasm, then his partner’s sexual pleasure is also likely to be diminished. Obviously, there are times when sexual dysfunction is physical rather than mental/emotional in origin. As such, doctors should always look for physical causes first. However, a man who complains about ED with his real-life partner but says he has no erectile issues when looking at porn probably does not have a physical problem. For him, Viagra isn’t the answer. Instead, he has an intimacy issue that will need to be addressed.

It’s not just male sexual dysfunction that affects the partners of male porn users. Anecdotal evidence has long suggested that a man’s porn use can adversely affect the self-esteem of his girlfriend or wife (or male partner if he is gay), and research is now backing this up. One study found that women whose husbands or boyfriends look at pornography frequently (in the woman’s estimation) are less happy in their relationships than women whose male partners either infrequently use porn or don’t look at it all (to the woman’s knowledge). Essentially, the study found that as a male partner’s porn use increases, his female partner’s self-esteem and relationship happiness decreases. The most common complaint by women whose male partners frequently use porn is feeling like they don’t (and can’t) measure up to the unrealistic perfection of online images. Unfortunately, this study did not attempt to find out if the male partners’ porn use caused the women’s self-esteem to drop, or if women who have low self-esteem to begin with are picking and sticking with less-available (porn-using) male partners. Either way, it is clear that the repeated use of porn by men in otherwise committed relationships can and often does adversely affect partners.

Is Porn the New Normal?

Given the above, it might seem as if partner sex is about to disappear completely in our society. In reality, this is very unlikely. The truth is that most male porn users, regardless of age, go through phases where porn seems really great, but over time, if they are emotionally healthy, they find themselves less interested in porn than in the fulfillment that only real-world intimate relationships can bring. The good news is that even if excessive porn use does rewire some men’s minds and cause them to lose interest in real-world partner sex, their brains (and therefore their libidos) can eventually recover. For proof, we need only to look at the brains of recovering drug addicts. After all, it is well known that chronic use of addictive drugs like alcohol, cocaine, and heroin cause significant changes to the brain; this neurobiological rewiring is what makes stopping drug use so difficult and relapse so common among those who do try to quit. However, numerous studies have shown that if an alcoholic or drug addict can remain sober for six months to a year, the brain nearly always returns to a near-baseline state. In other words, six months to a year of clean-time will reboot the brain, and from then on staying sober becomes much, much easier.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that brain function and recovery is similar with behavioral addictions - including compulsive use of pornography. It is believed that within six months to a year the brains of even the heaviest porn users can repair and reboot, allowing these men to once again be turned on by real-world sexual encounters. Essentially, turning off the porn will in most cases allow the brain to reset itself, restoring sexual rewards circuits to something approaching normal. And the longer a porn abuser stays away sexual imagery, the better his results will be. (Heavy alcohol or drug use that continues after a man quits porn is likely to slow or even halt this process.)

Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is Senior Vice President of Clinical Development with Elements Behavioral Health. An author and subject expert on the relationship between digital technology and human sexuality, Mr. Weiss has served as a media specialist for CNN, The Oprah Winfrey Network, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and the Today Show, among many others. He has provided clinical multi-addiction training and behavioral health program development for the US military and treatment centers throughout the United States, Europe, and Asia.

You ended this article with "(Heavy alcohol or drug use that continues after a man quits porn is likely to slow or even halt this process.)" I have had some of the ED issues discussed above due to daily porn use, and have not viewed pornography for a month now. I still drink daily, and am curious to read about why alcohol use will slow or halt the recovery process.

Alcohol diminishes the bodies ability to produce testosterone. Studies have shown that 1 alcoholic drink can suppress testosterone production for around 24 hours. If you're already having trouble getting a hardon then lowered testosterone will be aa death knoll. I find ginseng tablets really help. If I take 2 supliments daily then my sexual responsiveness goes through the roof. Just make sure you do it 1 week on 1 week off though, otherwise it can effect blood pressure.

another one of those stereotypical porn is ruining men articles...the insecurities of women and blame for problems in any relationship are ALWAYS laid at the feet of the male.Wtf is porno doing to women's minds (and yes alot of women do view it in droves these days)and their expectations of a guy ?? Id say ALOT but as per usual most of the blogs ive ever seen on this subject scapegoats men and blames us for the problems:(

First off, I want to say, as a woman who once frequented pornography (in my teen years) it does warp a woman's idea of what sex "should" look like. To be blunt, pornography (being produced mostly by males and targeted at males) portrays sex acts that are mostly (in reality) not pleasurable to female anatomy. As a result of this "education", I went 6 years sexually active before I had a genuinenely pleasurable sexual experience (i.e. resulting in orgasm). My partners had most likely been miseducated in how to please a woman, and I equally was too miseducated to request anything different - we had all consumed the same porn. All those years I was able to bring myself to orgasm in private, very quickly, multiple times, (as I had been able to do since age 7) but I thought how I got off was "weird" so would not share my technique with my sex partners (I was embarrassed thinking I was abnormal). Also I would put on a performance as if I was enjoying myself, when what was being done by my partners actually was uncomfortable or even painful, because I was acutely aware that the males I was with wanted that kind of performance (I'd been taught that moaning and writhing around or even screaming was sexy, even if I wasn't enjoying myself; it's the show that matters). When I orgasm in real life, I don't do much of any of those things. I shudder, and maybe make some grunting sounds, but that is it. Doing anything more than that takes my focus off my orgasm and makes it less intense. The women in modern porn do not generally look like they are enjoying themselves, it all looks really fake typically, so I started to think men just enjoyed watching women having non-pleasurable experiences. NOW I realize that boys DO want girls to feel good, but porn has given them false info on what that looks like, so they don't know any better, even once they reach manhood.

Meanwhile, now I'm also aware that boys/men get performance anxiety, because they can not "perform" either the way porn actors do. Personally, I never craved or desired a "Big" penis, nor for intercourse to last very long, but these desires are the main narrative displayed in porn. I've had big penis twice in my life, and both times it was the worst sex I've ever had, because it was extremely unpleasant in my vagina to hurt that much, I seriously couldn't even stay wet. Intercourse lasting more than 4-7 minutes is blah to me, and more than 30 is unbearable. Now I know porn is targeted intentionally to make men insecure, because pornography is a market to generate revenue, and insecure men consume more porn, thus increasing sales and profit for porn producers. That's why porn sites almost always have "Increase your Penis Size" and "Want Better Abs?" and "Last Longer" and "Make More Cum" ads. These ads do not reflect what women want.

I won't lie and say size and longevity don't matter at all, but the desirability of these traits have been seriously blown out of proportion by porn producers. If you study anatomy, you'll realize the vagina has very little sensitivity inside - most of the vaginal wall has no nerve endings, because the vagina is built for bearing children. A big penis just makes "pressure" inside, it doesn't really give that pleasurable tickle and jolt that brings extreme sexual pleasure and orgasm. (Like slowly rubbing a cock head on a wet clit does) Porn would convince you otherwise, but porn isn't real.

I urge all men to ditch porn, not because women are self-conscious or damaged by it, but because it's giving you a false impression of what good sex is, which is damaging EVERYONE'S sexual prowess! Porn is all about pimping, prostitution, and masturbation. You're basically masturbating while watching a male prostitute masturbating with the vagina of a female prostitute. All the editing and angling involved in porno videos promotes jerking off, not sex. Sex is fun, spontaneous, somewhat effortless, there shouldn't be that much thought in it. We should do what feels good. But instead porn has everyone trained to be self-conscious and stuck in their own heads and concerns and fears and even worrying too much about the other persons' pleasure! Men worried their dicks are too small and women worried they aren't moaning enough to convince the man his dick is just fine. The men and women in porn are prostitutes, paid to engage in coitus. It might be fun to watch this a time or two here and there, for a thrill, but by no means should this be humanity's sole source of sexual education nor our only source of sexual gratification/ entertainment.

To put things into perspective, I offer an analogy.

Imagine if porn portrayed men as having orgasm from having their thigh rubbed hard and fast. If every porn you saw portrayed this as what good sex looks like. Even though you know in private rubbing your cock is what feels good, porn was telling you youre a freak if getting thigh-rubs didn't make you writhe in ecstasy. The men in the film's are screaming and crying and grabbing the sheets, while some woman dutifully rubs his thigh. You're seeing this and you arent really registering that all the people there were paid to be there. This scene is replayed in MILLIONS of porno flicks, so there must be something to it!! If that's all the porn that was out there, and this was where girls were learning about male sexuality, and likewise YOU were being taught that's what your sexuality should look like, you'd probably fake it through some thigh-rubs too, when the awkward day arrived for you to get your cherished first thigh rub from a girl. You might try to train yourself to like it, and be disappointed in yourself when you try to no avail. You cant help it! Those thigh rubs just dont do it for you! To avoid making the girl feel like she was doing something wrong (cause really you're the weirdo), you'd probably make some noises like you were enjoying yourself. Then once she's gone would relieve yourself in private.

This is sort of what it's like for women in that vaginal sex isn't all that great, but it's just about the only thing portrayed in pornography or movies. Even the oral sex in porn looks unpleasant, (to me.) It's always so rough and mostly tongue fucking... that's not at all how I'd direct a porn lol. If a pussy in porn looks red and dry I'm immediately turned off, even grossed out, and I'm amazed at how many dry pussies there are in porn. As a guy imagine watching porn in which most of the dudes had limp dicks, but the women were still goin at it..wouldn't that be sort of boring to you? Well just so you know, most of them do have limp dicks, but the porn-makers edit those parts out and force the actors to inject or swallow "medicines" to keep their dicks hard.

And also we ladies don't light candles and spread rose petals or put on soft music and sexy lingerie to masturbate. I literally know 0 women who do that. And women talk to each other about sex and masturbation A LOT. Girls, on the other hand, almost never talk openly and honestly to each other about sex (at least when I was a kid) because it's taboo since female sexuality is dirty and immoral (i.e. you're a slut if you like it). But by our late teens or 20s we get over that propaganda and start comparing notes. Now I know how I get off is NOT weird, at all, and is in fact the norm (non-penetration orgasm).

The article begins with a hint that it will be balanced -- then begins the anti-erotica rant.

Better questions, in my view:

Why is America so afraid of sex and removing well regulated gatekeepers from sex (think not jut erotica but "slut shaming")?

Who is behind these continued attempts to maintain strict regulation of sex?

Why do men feel shame and hide whether they use/enjoy erotica (why are not men encouraged to draw their own conclusions and do what they believe appropriate after balanced consideration)?

Why is male use of erotica such a "deal breaker" for women (there is no great hue and cry among men to try to ban or shame women for using sex toys, for example)?

Why is there such a strident segment of society so invested in outlawing erotica based on what appears to be, as their best case, indeterminate science at the same time that society is otherwise making progress in removing other taboos or prohibitions (for example, decriminalization or legalization of marijuana, gay marriage, women-oriented BDSM (a la 50 shades of Grey)?

Why are problems that apply only to a small percentage of males who use erotica pitched as dangers and/or applicable to all/most men?

Has female behavior contributed to the expanded use of erotica by men?

I would have thought it's not the watching of the porn that's the problem, it's the amount of time spent on the internet/laptop/iPad etc which is time NOT spent with one's partner. So it really doesn't matter if they're spending 3 hours a day on a porn site or 3 hours a day on FB or Twitter, it's still 3 hours a day of screen time! But once again porn is the baddie in all this.

The hysteria about porn just seems to be like assuming that someone who likes a glass of wine occasionally is a raging alcoholic and so alcohol should be banned forthwith...wait a minute, didn't they try that one time? How'd that work out?

So far -- and I emphasize the so far part -- all this stuff about neuro rewiring and re-booting is theoretical bunk. Its a theory in search of facts, based on anecdotal reporting. The science so far shows that there is no difference in brains between sex addicts and people merely with high libido.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/07/130719104933.htm

Might this change with better and more research? Sure. But it also might not.

I really don't understand this trend to pathologize sex. I can only say some people have a hate/hate relationship with it.
The biggest pornographer I know of is E.L. James, yet very few actually think to ask the question; "how does 50 shades of gray influence women relationship with men?"
I think the hate people have against pornography stems from puritanical ethics, basically: Anything that is fun but requires little effort is to be suspect and demonized. Yes, men would be more productive (to the economy)if they spend less time in front of a computer and more time working or shopping. maybe if porn wasn't free it would be better accepted.

My marriage had been nearly sexless for 5 years, and totally sexless for over 2 years, so I masturbated. I thought that everything was fine as far as erections go.

Now I spit and have a girlfriend. I get hard no problem, but have a hard time having an orgasm. I've gone three hours with her. At first I thought that I had just turned into a middle aged stud. But after a while, I thought that having the best sex of my life, but rarely having an orgasm is not right.

I searched the net for answers, and got the same results as the article. I had trained my brain to have orgasms through masturbation. And even though I'm having sex with the hottest woman, and best lover that I've ever had, I can go forever without an orgasm. But it works fine masturbating. I enjoy sex with her, I just last forever with no orgasm. 3 years ago with my wife, I didn't have that problem.

I've found that is often the case for me as well when starting a new relationship. It takes me a while to orgasm and sometimes doesn't happen. But after a while, we settle into each other and it gets easier. My take on it was that I needed some time to relax around someone new.

For what it's worth, I was enjoying the sex, liked the person, and by the time we were ready to stop, I wasn't too concerned about an orgasm if it didn't seem likely. I was surprised at first, how upset some women seemed to be about this. We, as men are not supposed to obsess about their orgasms, but ours are fair game? I think the constant babble about men being sexual simpletons whereas women are mysterious nymphs does none of us a great service.

For what it's worth, part two: Like I said, after a while, orgasms would come easily. During that period of time, I didn't change up/stop my porn viewing and we didn't make any big changes in our sexual routine. So I would attribute it to relaxation/acclimating to a new partner. I'd say don't agonize over it, just have fun. If you're happy, it should work itself out.

What about men like me who are unable to have sex with a partner? My wife stopped having sex with me years ago. I remain faithful and don't want to get a divorce and breakup the family. We get along fine despite there being no sex. So my only sexual outlet is masturbation and porn. I'll tell you one thing. If I gave up the porn and masturbation the chances of me cheating on my wife out of sexual desperation are about 100%

So in a way porn keeps my family together and keeps me from straying from my marriage. I don't like the situation but my family is more important to me than affairs or paid sex.

That is so sad your wife refuses to be physically loving to you. She is putting your marriage at risk and your children's happiness. Why don't you tell her to seek pyschiatric help? It is so lonely being in a sexless marriage and I think you are being a hero putting up with this situation for your children.

your situation is typical of 99% of " married " men. Women simply do not desire sex much , if at all. Hence porn is so popular ....it is also totally fake , most women are very far from a porno actress in real life !!

For so long, women were in control of sex.
Men have needs. But some men were not getting sex because they were deemed too poor, too ugly, not popular enough, not a "natural mate" or "alpha male" etc.
Sometimes men were scolded or made to feel like monsters for wanting sex.

Well what did society expect to happen? You cannot deprive someone of something and then get mad when they find a substitute. If some men are constantly deprived because they do not meet some natural selection then yes they will turn to porno.

The main disadvantage of porn is it serves only the eyes and ears where real sex serves all five senses. The main advantages though is it is way cheaper, readily available, private, less risky, AND there is no pressure to perform well. Plus when you find something you really enjoy like a fetish, there isn't an awkward talk about it and hope she will at least do it without complaining too much. Plus with porno, there is no weird talk about "but I want to please YOU! My ego needs it!"

I guess it sucks for whatever woman gets with a porn addict. If her man cannot perform well in real life, she can pretty much thank women in general who enjoy depriving men.

Watching a good porno is maybe 20% of the satisfaction of real sex but with only 1% of the effort. Oh and if you learn to self-serve in creative ways like I have, it comes to where NO ONE can please you better than you can please yourself.

Unfortunately I've been trying HARD to quit for 2 years now and despite a couple of long streaks without pornography I remain devastatingly addicted and seemingly unable to go more than a few days with all my willpower without slipping back into old habits again ;/

So what's the problem?

Erectile dysfunction is the main issue, and I know this because after my long streaks without porn, my erectile health improved almost to the point of perfection, along with differences in social anxiety, depression and natural confidence.

There's also plenty of science to back the potential effect long term use of pornography can have on brains (in particular adolescent brains as they're going through formative stages) and how the chronic abuse of porn, induces a constant dopamine high and eventually rewiring and reconditioning the brain in the same ways seen in those addicted to gambling and even cocaine.

I guess I use porn as a means of dealing with life and my emotions, unfortunately you can't escape life. I need to learn to deal with my emotions in healthy, loving ways.

Thank you Psychology Today for bringing more and more attention to Pornography and it's impacts and in an excellent article too.

First of all, most porn is aimed toward a male audience, THAT IS WHY MEN ARE TARGETED WITH THESE ARTICLES. Secondly, a man's need to have sex is there, true, but, a true man has self control and knows how to wait for a partner. People are losing control, religious beliefs, morals, and values with sex. It's so bad that people actually believe it's ok to participate because they want to make excuses for not being in control of their own desires. It's sad how the world is ever-changing into a disgusting self-centered place. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's causing harm across the board, and if you can't see that, then you're in denial and are trying to make acceptance of it so that you're own personal ego isn't damaged. God bless you all and I hope that one day you will see the light.

A "true man". "People are losing control, religious beliefs, morals, and values with sex." "God" with a capital g.

Your comment reeks of "morality" bias. I do not find ideals of a "true man" laudable and I find religiously derived morals highly suspect. This could be a pretty good troll post. In the pitiful case that you are serious, I would advice you to question your beliefs and assumptions. "Why do you believe what you do?"

Yes, but your comment reeks of AMORALITY bias. Besides, not all religions are equal, the teachings of God are the law of the universe, they are life enhancing. That's why God keeps saying to follow that law, instead of man-made laws, or laws that come from evil.

False religions (which came from evil) however are self-exalting, and lead to deception, which leads to death. They are based on an obsession with ever more knowledge, and liberalism, total lack of responsibility. (Much like pornography)

"In the pitiful case that you are serious, I would advice you to question your beliefs and assumptions. "Why do you believe what you do?""

In this case I advise YOU to question YOUR beliefs: Why do you believe as you do? Maybe it is YOU who is actually incorrect. Maybe what you currently perceive as nonsense, you may one day come to understand, and in doing so, yourself mature as a person. It's not the first or the last time that has happened.

People don't hold a belief in God for nothing, but because His teachings line up with reality, with every day life, thus it's not a matter of mere belief or not, it's a matter of observing life and seeing that God teaches us EXACTLY what life itself shows us. Thus the knowledge is fact, not mere belief. If you want to discard fact, that's at your peril.

people asking what porn is doing to women's minds and complaining that this article is aimed at men are missing the point
Sure, a percentage ( much less than men ) of women watch porn. They however are much more likely to see their own gender being demeaned , called derogatory names, spat on and presented in very bartow confines of beauty . Whereas often in porn we see overnight Middle aged men having sex with toned little twenty year olds . Often the mans face isn't even shown. The focus on appearance is all on the woman . The catagorisation of bodies is all on the females . If we are lucky we will see two catagories where men are onjectified ... Big .... And gay . Yet women are broken into blonde, brinette , redhead , big tots, small tits. Big butts, asian, you name it !!!! Women are not considered whole people , just a shopping list of body parts with which no real woman can compete!
This is I credibly demeaning to the female gender and men entirelyiaa the point if they even think that a woman watching porn is even close to a man viewinv women this way
I believe men know deep down how wronv this is and many carry guilt about the way they treat women but also many men are angry that they no longer can exert dominance over women in the way they did in the past so this is another way to dominate and hurt all women whilst justufying it under the guise of harmless fun

Take a look at society today and many women demean themselves. Study after study has shown that women are more promiscuous than men. So many women dress more like hookers than respectable women. They swear like sailors and behave like pushy foul mouthed men.
So many women have this laundry list of requirements for a man. They are looking for a guy in a romance novel whom doesn't exist, men are human. We need to be talking about romance novels and the unrealistic expectations that they create for women. Women have such high expectations for men but have no expectations for themselves. They want to be able to treat a man like garbage but then complain and try to place all of the blame at the man's feet.
I really don't care that porn objectifies women. I have always been an ugly guy. I was harassed and tormented out of college. I have been mocked by girls and women my whole life for being ugly. The number of girls and women who have tormented me have been astonishing. It doesn't matter if I am fit and dress nice.

We men have taste in women. Those who like irk perky tits cannot by any power or medicine be turned into liking big saggy tits. And women should understand this profoundly, instead of just blaming porn and not using their conversational skills and other intelligence to find out if there is any point in trying to get the man they want into sex.

Some like big butts, they enjoy fat and gross sellulite skin and they get wildly aroused from telephone pole legs, along with unshaven appearance. So there is someone for everyone and porn to enjoy with every taste.

But to lover of firm nice youthful bubble butts, the above is like eyes being gauged out. Just plain impossible to like, to get aroused about. Still often women then consider that like men had some duty to respond to any woman in heat. But that is nothing but way to trouble. Such relations cause men to desperate mindgames and medication to "perform", to hide their disgust, to easier then need paid sex, or fall for taboos, since if the horrible monster hippo they have in crazy ways been conditioned to submiss into relationship with.

There is nothing in porn that would not have beautiful women enjoying to have, exactly as presented. For many the only way to get to have sex in such ways is to dwell into social media side of porn sites to find cool partners with similar likes and life to provide means to date, travel, etc to have it and live it, or to escorting with full control who to have it with.

The societies seem to be opposing people finding their perfect matches. Results are lower than ever coupling and birth rates, as people land into not satisfying relationships and have no desire. Societies seem to try to market the vast numbers of ugly women to men with no means barred. This is horrible mistake.

Man can be with gorgeous woman too, but who is sexually limited and insecure and so slow to learn that what naughty ones had in early teens already, the slow problematic ones are uncomfortable with whatever touch in their 20-30. They have not learned in time the nature intended and many never will then. Same as if you do not learn to speak, the language in certain phase, the skill will develop extremely poorly if learned later than the optimal timeframe and age.

Also women or men cannot anything for the fact that young sexy and liking to be sexy, with will and desire to enjoy sex, to arouse man, it is the optimal for many of us men, Natually into it and wet and beautiful is what makes man perform, while difficult hairy fat woman with oversize breasts sagging over belly cause appearance of impotence even if erectile dysfunction medication is used. It is just not possible to get aroused from unattractive and difficult inhibited woman whose taught it's all men's fault and that men are liking wrong things somehow.

The negotiations about what's attractive and what not should be the discussion before going anywhere with any sex in mind. The likings in sex, what atouses what not, to avoid altogether getting further only to find out mismatch.

There is no baseline service that belongs to every woman, if men are just withheld from better, and are pressured "to be a man". On the contrary young men should be educated to find out the body types and looks they like, and to only focus to find nice matching minds from those looks, and even if it meant 60% of world population of women would never get the men they'd like, but only those who like whatever if it can be labelled as a woman. Those men should be also banned from touching any beauty but to stick to the expertise of lacking aesthetic mind and being capable of getting aroused from whatever, good for them, good for everyone else.

Hopefully genetic research and gene manipulation will ensure human kind evolves so that beauty seizes to be rare resource, since that would solve the prostitution and what all issues for the parts they are problems. If the willing uglies could be beautiful, there would probably be not much need for porn in the first place.

I see a lot of men kind of upset about this article, but let me share what it does to a woman who believes in monogamy, who isn't a "cold fish" and who is pretty open minded in the bed room - I find myself now in a frustrating position with a man who is an amazing person - the most amazing, caring people I've ever met in my life. For years, he has used pornography to "get off" as he was in the military and has never been in a long term relationship. About 6 months into our relationship, I felt extremely disconnected (I'm not a cold fish, either - I am available for him any time he wants and will initiate sex any time I want) After some digging, I found out he was watching movies on Amazon - not hardcore stuff, but definitely hiding it from me. Again, I could feel the disconnect. (btw, I also discovered at that point that he was taking ED medication - something he has never told anybody) We had a huge argument, because he honestly didn't think it was any of my business. After a few days, he apologized, said he saw my way of thinking and said he wouldn't do it anymore - I told him it was fine, I just wanted to be included in what was going on or for him to talk about it. For months, things got back to normal, he stopped using the ED medication and then again, I started feeling him disconnect from me emotionally and sexually... we started having issues with him not being able to stay hard - sure enough, after snooping around in his Amazon account, I found out he started watching again - hours of movies. Even though he says he's sorry, I still think he thinks it's ok because it's something he has done for so long. I'm at a loss - I feel he needs counseling. The biggest issue is that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough and that he has to hide things behind my back which is something I would never think to do to him. It's hurting our relationship. I emailed him this article to show him that the ED could be a result of the years of watching what he's been watching.

I started suffering from ED and inhibited ejaculation 20 years before I ever laid eyes on porn. I spent years going to therapists to try and find out why I couldn't function sexually in any kind of close relationship but no one was able to fix the problem. Tired of the years of shame and embarrassment of women asking why I was going soft in the middle of intercourse or why I couldn't ejaculate with them (by an means) I finally gave up and turned to porn and masturbation. For me porn has been a godsend as it makes the masturbatory experience far better than masturbating without it.

You all are missing the point. I think the intention of this article is just to give awareness to those males that are experiencing ED and DE in real life sexual encounters. That it could be caused by viewing pornography in that they can be unrealistically completely disconnected from the person they are using to get off from, and that it doesnt really fly like that in real sexual encounters. This article really also sheds light on how sexual enjoyment can go as far as your connection with another individual (and/or yourself), and that those people experiencing physical sexual problems are really needing an extra sense of connection to the partners they are having sex with. And to address some of these comments, that is where it goes both ways male and female or in any relationship. Most people and couples eventually have to have conversations to define their relationships and that is hard to do. To make things more difficult, many people have a hard time being honest about the kinds of connections they want to have at any given time with someone. It would be so much easier if we could read each others minds but until then it is important respect how we are feeling in front of each other.

You incorrectly try to identify erotica as a "problem" where sexual relations are concerned and furthermore, it is fallacious to suggest that erotica is somehow just a "male" thing. Have you ever looked at the sales figures for "romance novels?"

Since 1981, Danielle Steel has been a permanent fixture on the New York Times hardcover and paperback bestsellers lists; having sold more than 530 million copies of her books.

Since 1979, author Nora Roberts has written over 190 titles. There are more than 280 million copies of Nora Roberts' books in print.

By the 2000s, romance had become the most popular genre in modern literature. In 2004, romantic fiction generated $1.2 billion in sales, with 2,285 romance novels published. Almost 55% of all paperback books sold in 2004 were romance novels, and this genre made up 39% of all fiction sold that year.

As many have said,"women may not view porn, but they read the s*t out of it."

As regards erotica "objectifying" women, erotic author Susie Bright said in 2005," You know how women’s bodes are the ones that always have to be perfect in porn, even if the men are kinda droopy or overweight? It's the same with romance, but in reverse! The men’s bodies are all PUMPED - the women can be whatever. Her imperfections are irrelevant or sympathetic; the hero has to be an oiled stud muffin. Fabio is Jenna is Fabio."

So please, enough of this nonsense about how porn ruins relationships or sex. It doesn't. What you have are people who have little or no sense of moderation or self-control. They are no different than people who cannot moderate their intake of sugar or salt.

You couldn't be more correct in calling out the double standards in relation to female porn. ("Romance novels") People will say that porn causes men to have unrealistic expectations as far as what women should look like and act like. However, I have seen these romance novels also give women completely unrealistic expectations as far as what a man should be. Men are human too and we are not knights in shining armor. Saying that these romance novels haven't damaged some women's psyches is absurd.
It is like you said in that people that have their lives adversely affected by porn have self control problems to begin with. Excessive porn use is just a manifestation of that.