Tag Archive for: Apocalypse

Zombie Tools New Blades – The Felon and Bone Machete 2012

Zombie Tools releases new blades before the zombie Apocalypse. Are you ready for the fight? You can check out previous blades I posted about here. Enjoy! ^^

The Felon

Product Description:

In 1832, on a sandbar in a Louisiana slough, Jim Bowie brought a knife to a gunfight. Fortunately, it wasn’t just any knife, and Jim wasn’t just any man. Although shot, stabbed and pistol whipped by his foes, Jim used this knife of his own design to gut one man and slash a chunk from the arm of another, and lived to tell the tale. Jim would finally meet his end, overwhelmed by hordes while defending the Alamo. But the knife, which the world would come to know as “the Bowie”, would live on, becoming America’s most famous contribution to edged combat.

The ZT Felon is our homage to the badassery of big Jim Bowie and the American knifemaking tradition. In typical ZT style, it’s a big fucking chunk of steel, 20-inches long with a 12-inch edge, the classic clip tip with false edge, and a handle big enough for a gorilla’s grip. At 2 pounds weight and a quarter-inch thick, the blade is heavy enough for a vicious slash, but long enough for classic cut-and-thrust swordplay. It even has a hammer point along the spine for working through a tough chunk of wood or the sinews of a unicorn. Be warned that wielding this knife will land you in the houscow in several Southern states (careful where you carry, Texans), but come the apocalypse, the Felon makes its own law.

Bone Machete 2012

Product Description:

Now here’s some cleavage to make all the boys stand up and salute! Our latest nut-busting machete has a 17-inch cleaver edge with a weighted chisel tip that produces a chop that just won’t stop. The new handle design has a partial handguard that drops down from the full-tang blade, protecting your hand from all manner of ill-fortune you might find in the fray. The non-bevel portion of the blade bears the random patterns imbued by Loki during the heat-treating process (which gives our 5160 steel a Rockwell hardness of 53), and the entire blade is bathed in the purest evil (commonly known as ferric chloride acid, flavored with the pan drippings from the ZT Thrive Couch). Comes with sheath and leather-wrapped grip and the self-satisfaction of owning an entirely American-sourced piece of gear, made by Montana’s finest metal miscreants.

Double Sun Power!!!!!!! No, I’m not talking about the Old Spice Odor blocker… I’m talkin’ about backing up the power of the sun, sucka! If the Apocalypse does happen we may have power for the first couple of days, weeks if we’re lucky. Since no one will be working at the power plants we will have to figure out how to get energy ourselves. So what better energy source than the sun. Since that’s not going anywhere any time soon.

So I’ve decided to list a couple of Solar battery charging options for you guys. In case you wanted to listen to your iPod, recharge your Kindle, or even hook up your PS3 and play some FALLOUT 3 to make sure your Post-Apocalypse skills are top notch. ^__~