Back in 2006, as the result of a 10 year period of increasing anxiety, and cyclical depressive crashes, I was prescribed Fluoxetine. I stopped abruptly after three weeks, as I had suddenly begun to feel deeply suicidal for the first time in my life, which I attributed to the pills. An attribution I hold by, now I know what being suicidal actually feels like, as that instance had none of the skewed rationalisation of genuine suicidal intent – just a strange emotional drive for self-harm and death. So, stopped taking those pretty sharpish, I can tell you.

2nd attempt: Citalopram.

After THAT little encounter, I was okay again for a while. But then, in 2009 my damned anxiety drove me to try again with the hard stuff. The Citalopram worked from the first day which, I was assured by the doctor, was highly unlikely to be anything to do with any active ingredient, and everything to do with my reaction to trying to help myself. A placebo then – but also an acknowledgement of the future, which felt like a clean, positive step. After a month, when the optimism had worn away, and only the effect of the medication remained, I began to become depressed.

It came on slowly – a gradual shutting down; a drawing in of expectation (we all know what I mean, we've all read a book). The problem I found with Citalopram – and all the SSRIs I've tried, is the terrible reduction they have on the emotional spectrum. Admittedly, on the one end, they temporarily cut off the worst excesses of anxiety/depression, but on the other, they cut off ones capacity to feel joy, effectively curtailing any chance for happiness. Moreover, they contribute, (or at least did with me,) to a ridiculous physical breakdown – which was the last thing I needed, when my identity had already taken the blow that comes with acknowledging any mental illness. I had gradually stopped exercising, and was eating more cake, in some vague hope of it giving me the pleasure, now chemically lacking in my life. After two months on the things, I had gained a stone. I felt flabby in body and mind. I stopped socialising almost completely – partly because I was embarrassed by my appearance and partly because I didn't care as much about anything anymore. I'd gone from being an optimist, who arguably cared too deeply about everything, to a gloomy lump in the space if a few months. By the time I realised what was happening, it felt as though it was too late. After six months, I stopped taking the pills, of course, but the mental and physical degradation remained.

3rd attempt: Mirtazapine.

I spend a year trying to get myself back – moved house, started jogging again, started socialising, but my entire outlook, as well as my metabolism, had been altered. I became decreasingly positive about my future – or indeed my present. I started to despair, which became entrenched. So then I tried to top meslef around 2011 and ended up in a nuthouse for three months – voluntary, like. Mirtazapine was a non-negotiable part of the 'treatment', so took it, hoping it would help. In spite of my experience to the contrary, I am generally an optimist by nature, so this Einsteinian definition of madness is, I imagine, pretty in keeping with my idiot character.

Anyway, to my great surprise, it was deja vu all over again. I regained most of the weight I'd managed to lose in the past year and felt slow-witted and awful. As soon as they let me out, I came off the things. I realise that this leaves me open to accusations of not giving them the appropriate chance, but I couldn't cope with them anymore.

It's true that about a month ago, I did try and end it again – a preposterous episode, which ended with my getting the bus to hospital, when I realised I didn't have quite enough painkillers to actually kill myself – only enough to give me brain damage, or something rubbish like organ failure. However, I was apparently coherent enough to not end up back on the pills, which was nice. But I honestly feel that that was as much a legacy of the SSRIs, as it was any underlying mental problems.

Feeling more positive now though. The antidepressants certainly didn't cause my mental health issues, but there is no doubt in my mind they made a terrible contribution, delaying by years any hope for recovery – and adding physical problems to the mix. The only thing about them I found beneficial was the placebo effect. The act of taking something because it might help. 0 out of 10. Not recommended. Ask for a sugar pill instead. At least it'll taste nice.

Also, just a point of interest really – nobody actually knows how they work. Because of complicated reasons to do with the brain being able to switch receptors off if it detects an excess of serotonin, they don't know whether the things make you take in more serotonin or less. Madness.

These days I mainly medicate myself with jogging, books, wine and cake, which seem to garner more positive results.

My experience with anti-depressants is that doctors or psychiatrists do not listen to my previous experiences with the drugs before prescribing something else. At 40, I know what works for me and I know what types of experiences might require their use. They have saved my life at times. Unfortunately, I live in Saudi Arabia where, as a woman, doctors consider me to be unknowledgeable about my own mental health. I’ve actually been told by doctors here that I would be better off getting pregnant to ward off depression than taking any medication. I think the right anti-depressant is a blessing, if you’re lucky enough to get it.

I have suffered from depression 3-4 times in my life. I experienced anxiety problems at university which led me to avoiding assignments and then eventually dropping out. After dropping out I became depressed for a number of months, but eventually after seeking some talking therapy and more importantly starting to look more optimistically towards the future

the depression lifted and I began to move forward in my life.

However this pattern began to repeat itself when I began a new course and the original anxiety problems returned. In general the depression would last 4-5 months and then go away on it's own.

After this occurred several times I ended up going to my doctor who was very persistent in trying to convince me to take an SSRI anti-depressant. I didn't really believe that my problems were caused by anything physical in my brain. I was quite sure that I was depressed because of psychological problems / my way of thinking. I felt like a massive failure and I felt hopeless towards the future because I couldn't control my anxiety and get myself to complete assignments and projects. When I started to feel hopeful again that was usually when the depression would lift.

However since this experience had happened several times and I didn't know how to deal with the anxiety I began to doubt my belief that it was all just psychological. Perhaps I do have something wrong in my brain. Maybe that's why I've been having these problems moving forward in my life. Perhaps I should listen to the doctor and trust his expertise. He told me these drugs were very safe and effective and I'd be feeling great in no time.

I resisted taking the drugs at first and requested talking therapy on the NHS. A few years prior I had requested this during my first period of depression and I was put on a 9 month waiting list. By the time the appointment arrived I was feeling better so I cancelled it. This time I got referred to some form of social worker who asked me a variety of questions most of which were related to illegal drug use. It was not helpful for me and I was not contact for any follow up.

After several weeks the depression became too much and I couldn’t face going into my part-time job. I had to visit my doctor to get a sick line. I felt like it didn't make much sense for me to be off sick but not taking the treatment that my doctor had prescribed so I began taking the medication.

For the first few weeks I had a number of somewhat minor side effects. I had some mouth ulcers, a but of nausea, headaches, dizziness and hyper sexuality (feeling very horny all the time). After a while those things seemed to die down and I felt more or less the same as I had before I started the medication.

I returned to my work and told them I was feeling much better, but that was a lie. The truth was I wasn't feeling better at all, I felt the exact same. However it was becoming more stressful for me to stay off work since they started saying they were going to get a nurse to interview me to determine if I was really ill. I just wanted to hide my head in the sand because of the depression. I thought it would be easier to just return to work and get back in my comfort zone rather than going along that road.

After about 4 months on the medication I had begun to feel better. I have no idea if the medication made any difference or not, since the pattern was very similar to the previous times I had been depressed and I got better without drugs. I had also began to email a CBT therapist on a regular basis and I felt like that was helping me to look more optimistically towards the future. The truth is I don't think the medication made much difference, but it's difficult to say.

I returned to my doctor and since I was feeling better I asked him about discontinuing the medication. Previously this and how long I would be on the medication was not discussed besides a vague "long term" when asked how long I would need to take it. I was concerned about long term effects and I thought it best to minimize the time on the drug especially if I wasn't experiencing any noticeable benefit. My doctor said that I could quit the drug cold turkey and that there would be no withdrawal effects since I was "on such a low dose". I was a little sceptical of this as I had heard of other people experiencing withdrawal symptoms. He said if I wanted I could cut the pill in half for a few weeks and then stop after that. I decided that was a more sensible approach.

Almost immediately upon discontinuing the drug completely I began to feel extremely unwell. I felt spaced out. I felt disconnected from people in social situations. I was very depressed, but it was quite different than any time I had experienced it before. I couldn't feel any emotions. I felt like half my brain was switched off. I was sure that it was a withdrawal symptom from discontinuing the medication.

I decided to wait for the next 8 weeks to see if it resolved on it's own. I figured that if it takes 6-8 weeks to go on the drugs then perhaps it's the same going off. However on the last day of week 8 I felt just as bad as on very first day. I had noticed no improvement and there was no sign that anything would change. It was one of the worst 8 week periods of my life.

At this point I was sure that the symptoms I was experiencing now were caused by the medication and not a return of the original condition as some might propose. I had started googling "SSRI Withdrawal" and I found a number of sites that recommend slow weaning. I now felt like the best course of action was to go back onto the medication, wait till I was feeling better and then wean down slowly over a period of months to try and minimize any problems.

I started the medication again after talking to my doctor. He didn't really believe in withdrawal from SSRIs but was happy for me to go back on the treatment. The first couple of weeks I didn't notice much difference. I still felt terrible. At the end of the third week I began to get impulsive suicidal thoughts, I would almost describe it as a 'depression attack'. It was one of the scariest experiences I've had in my life. It felt like someone else was

implanting thoughts in my mind. Out of nowhere thoughts of harming myself would pop into my head and I would need to hold myself back from acting on them. I was genuinely afraid that I was going to harm myself or someone else.

This period seemed to pass after a day or so and I thought that it may have just been me adjusting to the medication and that now I might begin to feel better. However at the end of the fourth week I got another 'depression attack' this time worse. The impulsive suicidal thoughts were back along with a number of physical symptoms: sweating, fever, diarrhoea, nausea and insomnia. Something was seriously wrong. I immediately stopped the medication as I was terrified that I would harm myself if this continued.

In hindsight I believe I reinstated on too high a dose. Even though it was the same dose as I was taking previously (10mg), it had been over 2 months since I had stopped.

I made a doctors appointment but I saw a locum instead of my usual GP. He told me that suicidal thoughts were a reported side effect in my age group and that I should no longer take

the medication.

I was quite worried at this point that the original emotionless depression that I had experienced when I first stopped the medication would return, but for some reason it didn't. At first I felt a bit better, I didn't feel depressed and the suicidal thoughts were gone. However over the coming weeks and months I began to notice more and more symptoms that I had not had prior to taking the medication.

This is where the real problems for me began, in withdrawal.

One of the first things I noticed was sexual dysfunction. In the first weeks off my sexual function went completely to zero. My penis was completely numb. I couldn't feel any "good feelings" at all from stimulation. I couldn't get an erection and I couldn't orgasm.

I began to notice other problems as well. I began to get very angry at even little things. I could feel my mind racing with anger and if something set me off I would feel on edge for the rest of the day. I remember shouting and screaming at people in my work which is completely out of character for me.

I began to get regular mouth ulcers and migraine headaches. I had these when first going on the medication as well but they seemed to go away after the first few months. Now they were back on a much more regular basis than I would normally get them.

I also experienced fevers and flu like symptoms that would come on for short periods of time mostly at night and then be gone by the next morning, only to return again the following night. My face would feel very hot like I was burning up and I would be sweating a lot. I would also get increased thirst and very frequent urination (sometimes I remember going 20+ times a day). I even got tested for diabetes because of how bad these symptoms were.

I experienced regular periods of fatigue. It felt like I had taken something that said "may cause drowsiness" on the label. My entire body just felt drained of energy and it was a struggle just to get out of bed.

I also had many digestion problems. I would get periods of constipation one day and then the next it would be diarrhoea. I also had a complete lack of appetite for many months and only ate because I made myself.

I had insomnia that would come and go at for periods at a time. I also had violent nightmares and intrusive violent thoughts. Just like the suicidal thoughts, I would be thinking about something completely normal and then a very violent or graphic image would pop into my head. It was extremely disturbing.

I developed social problems. I could no longer relate to people or connect with them. I had to think about exactly what to say in conversations where as before it would just come naturally. I found myself acting strangely withdrawn in social situations. When I experienced depression before I would withdraw somewhat so this was almost like the social effects of depression without the low mood.

I would also experience regular acute periods of depression. This never happened to me prior to taking the medication. I would always become depressed for a period of months and then it would lift, but I would never get it for just a few days only for it to go away again.

I got regular headaches and dizziness. I would also get weird tingling feelings in my head at times (not electric shocks like others describe, more like pins and needles in my brain). As well as that I would sometimes experience the sensation that my mind was racing with thoughts

and I felt restless.

Almost everyday I experience a feeling of pressure in my head, like someone is firmly pressing on my temples. It can feel like I'm foggy or cloudy in the head and it can cause concentration problems. Sometimes if it got really bad I would feel myself completely spacing out and unable to do much of anything besides lie down.

I have experienced so many symptoms I am sure there are some I have missed out.

At first I don't think I realized just what was going on. I noticed many of the symptoms but I thought they would go away after a few weeks or months at worst. They didn't.

After about 6 months I had noticed some minor improvements but all of the symptoms were still there and they were extremely debilitating. The symptoms would not progress linearly like a more traditional illness. Instead they seemed to come and go at random. Some weeks I would be feeling a little better only for the next to feel worse again. Many of the symptoms remained constantly but simply varied in intensity week to week.

This pattern continued over the next several years.

Today I am approaching the 36 months mark since I stopped the medication. I still experience symptoms every day. Some of the symptoms have improved or reduced in intensity but others still remain. Over the last 3 years I have been unable to return to study or full-time work because of these symptoms. I have been completely disabled. I have no social life and have lost contact with all of my friends. I feel like I have been in a coma or a state stuck between life and death. I am very lucky to have a family that have supported me through this. If it wasn't for them I know for sure I would have taken my own life by this point.

Everyday of my life I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from ever taking that SSRI. It was the worst mistake I have ever made and I will regret it till the day I die.

I have no idea if I will ever fully recover or how long it will take. Some other members of SSRI support groups have taken many years to recover after bad withdrawal experiences, but they give me hope that I too may eventually recover.

I would not recommend ever taking an anti-depressant. I would not give these drugs to my worst enemy.

My situation would still be bad if doctors had warned me of this potential harm before taking the treatment, but what makes it worse is that they didn't. They aren't even aware of it. They think me and the thousands of other people who have experienced this are lying or delusional or some combination of both. Doctors do not listen to patients experiences. I feel like I have been left for dead by medicine. Withdrawal symptoms from these drugs need much

further study.

Another thing that concerns me is that many times the withdrawal symptoms can be misinterpreted by both doctors and the patients themselves as the original condition returning. Many of the withdrawal symptoms can mimic depression or anxiety. Patients see how bad they feel when the stop their medication and use that to reinforce the belief that the drugs are helping them to treat an underlying illness. The reality may be that they are dependent on the drugs and when they stop them they enter withdrawal. What can make this worse is that it seems quite common for withdrawal symptoms to be delayed (sometimes by months) after stopping the medication.

I often wonder how many positive reports of SSRI use may be the patient treating the drug dependence rather than any illness. I tend to take those positive stories with a grain of salt unless they have been off the drugs for a year or more and are continuing to do well.

I hope my story has been informative to you. I don't know what can be done about these drugs. If you are on them, don't stop suddenly whatever you do. The people who I've read about who have had the most success have weaned down very slowly (over 4 years sometimes!). That seems to be the best approach for remaining functional while coming off them. I would not go cold turkey unless you want to go to hell and back. If you a considering taking them, run for your life. I would seriously suggest finding alternative ways to deal with depression.

About 25 years ago I was prescribed prozac. Taking that drug was the worst decision I have ever made. I lost everything that was dear to me because of the adverse affects of this drug. And the withdrawal from these substances is awful.

I wonder sometimes what all the people who laud these drugs would do if they really knew how bad the damage from these drugs can be. Most of the people taking them are a walking time bomb.

I was first prescribed Fluoxetine for depression at the age of 19, it was useful and I felt a noticeable difference in my confidence and motivation. However, I wasn't happy with feeling reliant on them, and I stopped taking them. This is not advisable to suddenly stop, and I noticed the effects of stopped but let is slide. For the next year I was in denial, suffering with depression and anxiety. It took me a year to go back and I was placed on Citalopram. This suited me much better and I felt myself after using it for about a month.

Personally, I think anti-depressants work if you are willing to try different ones. Not all work for the same people and I have found friends of mine to be suited better to some more than others too. Medication is the starting point, but counselling is where the progress begins. It has helped me wonders and it's such a shame that young people in particular have to wait so long to see a counsellor. Unless you are suicidal help is limited, and that's a big problem. Anti-depressants to me are the middle stage whilst people wait, and it should not be a single solution, that wouldn't have worked for me.

This all started because of a divorce for me which was never addressed. Just label after label, drug after drug, psych wards ect. I know this is about antidepressants, but in my experience and those I know benzos were added along with antipsychotics basically polly drugged. I lost ten years of my life thinking there was something wrong with my own mind, as the finger was always being pointed to me never the drugs. My life just declined and declined until I didn't have one but most importantly I lost myself, my love for live, my interests, my spiritual connection, my connection with family and friends. Every time I was in psychosis now I know it was because I was just taken of a drug abruptly, I never had psychosis before these drugs, nor was I suicidal. If you are reading this just because a drug is legal and prescribed does not mean it is not dangerous all these drugs are very dangerous. I had a wake ups call and from there started educating myself. I could still be in the system a zombie tortured in my own mind. It is really hard to confront but its the truth. Educate yourself because they psychs and pharmas would lose a lot of money if you didn't have to take drugs for the rest of your life. You will be shocked what you start to unravel and find what is really going on. I was on 9 drugs a 14 months ago and three for side effects. Again I was abruptly taken of many. I only have a few to get off which is going to take me a few years to taper properly and not go into psychosis. It has been brutal but I also have experienced real joy, hope, spiritual connection, my eyesight has improved, i dont shake, I can actually see the world, things are more clear my personality is coming back. I know I have a long way to go but this is more good than I had in years

I've been on dothiepin and then citalopram for around 25 years to help me to cope with flashbacks from childhood trauma.

But three years ago the flashbacks suddenly became more real than real life. I became delusional, and suicidal. There was no warning; I'd felt fine. The symptoms just suddenly appeared, boom.

Luckily for me, my Community Psychiatric Nurse knew a man who could treat flashbacks, and referred me to see him, a Psychologist.

The Psychiatrist prescribed the maximum doses of two antidepressants, mirtazapine and venlafaxine. Within a few weeks I'd put on two and a half stone. I'm still trying to loose the last ten pounds! And my cholesterol levels are high so I've had to really watch my diet.

But the Psychotherapy and the pills have probably saved my life. I'm sure I needed both and was lucky to have them.

Wd be great to hear from people about coming off too. I am in the throes at the mo and it's all a bit surreal. For more insight into patient experiences watch this little vid. http://www.theguardian.com/society/video/2013/nov/20/taking-tablets-personal-guide-anti-depressants-video?CMP=twt_gu

I avoided taking these like the plague and wasted 10 years of my life suffering from anxiety and stress. When I finally gave in and took them my life was transformed for the better. I wish I had not been brain washed by bad press reports and had reclaimed my life all those years ago.

I took seroxat for nine years. I accept that they can help people and that some people need to take them. However, for me, the insidious side-effects came to out-weigh any notional benefits.

I had a bout of depression - nothing too serious, but it was debilitating and I felt better at first. However, I soon came to notice the side-effects. My libido declined to zero - whatever else you say about the brand I took, it definitely has a profound effect on male sexual functioning. I found myself being constipated most of the time - something I never had before, and I also seemed to get IBS-like symptoms. Most debilitatingly, I found myself sweating excessively, to the point where it was extremely embarrassing and impacted on my job. This had never been an issue before and was listed as a side effect.

Coming off them was incredibly hard - I failed a couple of times, as I was hit with weird symptoms like dizziness, extreme diahorrea and a feeling of what is commonly called "brain zaps", where you turn your head and you brain seems to catch up later.

A few months after coming off them, I developed tinnitus. I can't prove it was because of the tablets, but I post on a forum for survivors of these things and there's a regular stream of people from all over the world joining the site and reporting the same thing. The tinnitus almost drove me to suicide and it is still a problem to this day.

My anxiety also went through the roof on stopping them - and anxiety wasn't a problem beforehand. I know of people who were put on SSRIs for reasons other than depression/anxiety, such as premature ejaculation, who had enormous problems with anxiety on stopping.

I am not a medical person and I accept this is just my viewpoint, but I've shared my experiences with many, many people all over the globe and it is my firm opinion that these medications can have a severe adverse impact on some people. I am perfectly happy to accept that some have no problems though, and that some people feel the benefits out-weighed these side-effects.

That wasn't my experience though - I think they have a profound effect on brain chemistry and can cause some people to have very bad experiences. I also believe that the vast majority of doctors have no idea about the impact withdrawing has and get most people to cut down far too quickly.

I read many positive stories about these tablets and I don't doubt people are genuine. My experience was very different though - and absolutely horrible.

Antidepressants destroyed my life, I was detached, emotionally numb, over energized, and had intense cravings for alcohol amongst many other side effects. I became very reckless and didn't care. It got so bad I was regularly being arrested (having never been in trouble before) and ended up in prison. This cycle continued until one day I knew I had to get off these drugs. I went through the withdrawal and am back to my old self again. My intense cravings for alcohol have also gone and I sit here now still in shock at what has happened to me. The worst side effect is that they can give you a false sense of security, you think your ok but your not, your normal warning signs for danger have gone. My life is now left in ruins but I feel very lucky to have survived it all. I think for some people these drugs can be very dangerous.

I have been on different kinds of SSRIs, including Fluoxetine, Citalopram, Bupropion and Sertraline. I must say, each and every one of them were effective and helped me considerably in dealing with the issues they were prescribed for, which included AHDH, depression and anxiety.

I have suffered from bouts of depression since I was in my early teens and was prescribed Prozac when I was in my mid 20's. I was on them for about six months (luckily that was all I needed). I don't remember having any really bad side-effects on Prozac, in fact all I remember is feeling better and getting better.

In mid-2012 I was once again hit by depression, this time a lot more severe than I had ever experienced before (I say hit, but it doesn't really hit you,it sneakily creeps up on you). It took me months to realise what was going on. I was making excuses for my behaviour and irrational thinking and was probably in complete denial about the whole thing. I finally plucked up the courage to go and see my GP just before Christmas that year. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but I'm terrified no ones going to believe me or take me seriously. My GP was really good - she offered me both medication and counselling. I turned down the meds and agreed to the councilling - I'm not sure why, I guess part of me still refused to believe I was ill and needed help. I've always struggled with accepting the fact I suffer from depression. I got better for a while but then completely broke down a couple of months later. I went back to my GP and I was prescribed Citalopram. The side effects were so bad I had to come off them after only five days. They made me 100 times more anxious, constantly on edge and I felt completely disconnected from the rest of the world. I couldn't sleep, eat, do my job or function. Having conversations with people was impossible, firstly because I just could not stay focused long enough to make sense of a short sentence. All I could hear was muddled up words and my brain was incapable of stringing them together. I think I listed around 30 negative side-effects at the time.

I know not everyone has had the same bad experience and side-effects as I had - that seems to be the thing with AD's, everybody reacts differently to them. Even though I had a bad reaction to the AD I was given I think they're a good thing and I know they help countless people. More medical research is needed, not just into AD's, but depression and anxiety disorders in general. Meds doesn't always fix the problem, just takes the edge off, a temporary solution to most and a permanent solution to some.

I was first prescribed anti-depressants around 2002. It usually takes about 2-3 weeks for them to kick-in and, when they eventually did, it was as though the clichéd 'cloud' had lifted from above my head. It wasn't that I suddenly felt happy - just 'normal'. Which, in itself, was a revelation for someone who felt suicidal most of the time. At that time, I was on Prozac. As is the way with most drugs, I became tolerant of them and was prescribed other SSRIs such as Citalopram.

Now, I am on a SSNRI called Cymbalta which is not only used to treat depression, but also general anxiety disorder (GAD). Do I feel 'normal' now? No, I don't. Most days I feel suicidal. But I know I won't act out this ideation because I have people dependant upon me. Whilst I have grown to live with my illness, I long for the 'magic wand' which, contrary to what doctors tell you, does actually exist. Unfortunately, it's not available on prescription for depression and the street variety isn't worth thinking about. I'm referring to morphine. I was first given morphine after an operation to remove my gall bladder. It was the best I have ever felt. When I came out of hospital, I was given the milder version of this pain relief - codeine, to which I am now addicted.

My journey of anti-depressants predates the present economic downturn, but I did predict this new wave of depression on my blog a couple of years ago, (not sure if I will be allowed to post a link): https://thereisnocavalry.wordpress.com/2012/02/21/the-emotional-mental-cost-of-the-recession/

I first went to the doctors in 2007 with severe depression and was prescribed fluoxetine, I wasn't given much information but was given a two month supply and sent on my way. I started suffering from nasty side effects - mainly the loss of emotions which led to me attempting suicide - I saw the idea of my death quite coldly - I would look at objects and think I could kill myself with that.After a serious attempt on my life I went back to the doctor who took me straight off them, gave me citalopram and told me that due to me moving address he couldn't see me anymore. Again nasty side effects of involuntary movements in my arms and legs. Eventually changed doctors who gave me Mirtazepine, carefully monitored my progress and reffered me to speaking therapies. I've been on Mirtazepine since and I'm just starting to lower my dosage with a view to coming off them completely in a year or so. They have been a life saver for me, but I'm scared by how easily they were given and without proper monitoring or the option of therapy to cure the causes of my depression rather than just the symptoms - until I saw a doctor with something about them.

Since late adolescence I've not gone a day without feeling terrible about myself and my life. I'm 24 now, and things got worse over the last 18 months since I started a very stressful and challenging new job. During a recent week-long family holiday I found myself lying awake for hours every night thinking suicidal thoughts. I decided it was time to speak to my doctor. Since starting on anti-depressants, I found both my anxiety and negative thoughts decreased significantly. I'm doing better both at work and in my personal life. I don't plan to take these drugs long-term, but I'm so glad I took this first step towards getting better. For the first time in my life I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Without these tabs I end up getting pretty anxious, and thanks to them I have managed to tackle my long-standing agoraphobia. My doctor says I always 'snap back' out of anxiety and depression when I take these, so thinks it is in part a chemical imbalance in my brain so now I am sticking on them. I do also use meditation etc to help manage stress so pills alone aren't always the answer, but I also think giving people a hard time for being 'weak' as they are on pills just shows ignorance, fear & prejudice. I'd not wish severe anxiety on anyone, but I'm sure most people would reach for the tabs quick smart if they'd ever experienced it! Try getting on a plane when you'd had agoraphobia for 20 years, and are totally terrified, and then tell me I'm weak.

I spent months on citaloram before admitting that it did nothing for my crippling depression. Then I gained two stone on mirtazapine just to find out that it didn't work either.

Then venlafaxine gave me nausea, stomach pains and diarrhoea, but I stuck with it, again for months, in case it helped. The worst experience of my life was reducing the dose - even a small, planned reduction made me far crazier than I'd ever been before. Uncontrollable, psychotic rages, paranoia and more diarrhoea. I've been off the filthy drug for a year, but I'm still too ill to work. It has permanently cured my long-standing tendency towards constipation though. Not that it was worth it.