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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Extreme Mesures

It has come to my attention that I am an extremist, no matter what I do, it has to be extreme, or its not important enough to worry about, or it has to be perfect or it isn't done right. So,.... in my weight loss journey, it has reared its ugly head once again...No matter how small the step, I have to follow through, to the T, or else I find myself on an emotional roller coaster, that usually finds itself free falling at a hundred miles a moment. I want so much to stop this but I'm still figuring that one out.
I know that I'm supposed to give the Lord all of my thoughts feelings, and emotions, but its another thing to actually put that into action when I feel the way I do. I can't even really describe most of it to tell you the truth, sometimes it almost literally feels like I'm drowning and I can't get up for air, no matter how hard I try to swim upwards. They are so suffocating that even going to the Lord doesn't occur to me, until I have stuffed yet another stolen sweet, or another baking ingredient (chocolate chips), or easy lunch item that is supposed to be saved for Paul's lunch.....
You know how sometimes you'll be talking to someone or even to yourself and as your talking about the problem, the answer comes to you in mid-thought. Well, an answer came to me in the middle of thinking about those lovely chocolate chips that I have no more of. (HAha) Now, I know that this isn't the only answer, but it can certainly help.... drum roll please.... If it doesn't even occur to me to ask the Lord for His help when I am in a time of need, then I need to re-evaluate what I'm thinking about, what I'm filling my head with, and what I am telling myself I believe. In other words, I need to empty my mind of those thoughts invading and conquering my mind and fill it with God's Word, especially those verses that apply to Him fulfilling those needs I have at the moment that aren't being filled.
Have you ever noticed after watching one of those hate but love shows you feel conflicted about where you are in life, how you look, what you haven't done, or have? I may sound weak, but it happens to me often. Either I don't look good enough, am not smart enough, should have married someone else (even though I have a great hubby by the way), wish I had "done something" with my life (even though mothering is the ultimate job, with the BEST benefits). Like I said, no matter how good I really do have it, most TV/Movies/secular music, etc make me feel inadequate period. I know that this doesn't happen to everyone so I don't expect everyone to throw their TVs out the window once you read this. But those of you who are sensitive to what these programs are doing to your mind, body, marriage, relationships in general, please realize that watching these programs that affect you are not worth it. That is part of the reason why we don't really turn our TV on in our home, not to mention the fact that we homeschool and have little ones running around that need to be running around and not glued to the tube. Speaking of which, I have recently noticed that every time I do get in a rut and let the kids watch more than 30min or so of TV all I get is attitude and laziness from them....which makes sense since that's how I feel after watching TV. Sorry about the TV tangent, but it was bound to pop up somewhere/sometime.
SO, long pause, memorization is what comes to mind, of what you say? The Word of God, yes, back to the original topic, LOL. Do you know how easy yet hard it is to memorize scripture?? Well, we have started AWANAS again for the semester and I'm sluggishly getting back into it. Saying the verses over, and over, and over, and over again, until they aren't listening anymore and you find yourself in another room saying the verse to yourself, even doing a little jig to it if you memorize them the way we do, with a beat or music of course. It takes thought, it takes being deliberate about it. You can't expect to memorize anything just by looking at it a couple of times, listening to someone else say it, or even reading it 3 or 4 times. It takes time, effort, thought, and thought is where we started this whole ramblings. PS, yes, I know I said it twice, remember what your teachers in the past said, repeat, repeat, repeat. Lol ;-)
I guess I've kinda answered my own conundrum. I hope this helps you and blesses you as well. I have had a number of women who have e-mailed me and encouraged me to keep up the good work, and I want to thank you so much for doing so. It has helped me greatly, and definitely kept me going. At one point I really did consider stopping the blog, but you have shown me that my musings on here have blessed another soul, and therefore the show must go on. I love you my dear friends, you mean more to me than you know.