“Apprentice L.A.”: The hackiness keeps on coming!

Perhaps what’s most striking about this season of Apprentice so far is how quickly they’re tearing through the most obvious settings and themes of its seasonal home, Los Angeles.

Here we are, week two, and we’re already designing swimsuits. We’re already meeting at the beach and dipping Trump’s pale, pale tootsies in Pacific sand. We’re already partying at the Playboy Mansion with an exhausted looking Hugh Hefner, who shows up and monotonously plows through his “how I started Playboy” anecdote with the same verve and intensity your Uncle Ted uses to detail the events of the car crash he has to testify about next Thursday.

The Michael Scott Memorial “That’s What She Said” Quote of the Day: “Tonight I experienced something that I never experienced in my life.” — Frank, upon escaping last week’s tense boardroom showdown with Martin.

Breakfast of Champions Alert: The team currently living in the mansion, Kinetic, fortified itself with a hearty helping of Fruity Pebbles before heading out to meet Trump at the beach. The team living outside made due with its customary meal of grubs and dark, smelly berries plucked from the northern side of a tree they found.

OK, I made that last part up.

Inane Rule Change Trump Made Up On The Way To The Meeting That Morning of the Week: Winning team is exempt from competition next week.

Should We Be Talking About This Like This? comment #1: “The men’s swimsuits that Carey wears are probably not the same men’s swimsuits most of the guys in America wear, because Carey’s gay.” — Aaron, displaying … something … I’m just not entirely sure what.

It’s A Business Strategy, I Guess #1: “It’s beachwear, kicked up a notch.” — One of the team leaders … I’m not sure which one … giving her team’s “vision,” or whatever, for this week’s task.

Criticism That Totally Went Over My Head #1: “Too Ralph Loren.” — Heidi, expressing her displeasure with one of the first female swimsuits Kinetic produced.

It’s The Subtlety That Gets Ya #1: “Does she work for us?” — Trump, after a particularly well-endowed female model (who might or might not have been one of the job applicants) walks by during the fashion show.

You Actually Speak For Everybody, Derek #1: “I’m gay, but what a shock that was!” — Kinetic Corp.’s Derek, upon seeing Arrow Corp.’s Carey strut his stuff modeling the pink-and-white all-too-brief that was his signature suit.

Task Winners: Kinetic sold about a thousand bucks more in suits … Arrow’s second straight setback.

That’s Free Legal Advice, Hef #1: “He has three girlfriends. He can’t marry them all, that would be illegal.” — candidate Kristine (who is an actual, real attorney) commenting on Hef’s lifestyle during their visit to the Playboy Mansion.

Awesome Spousal Comment #1: “I think this reward was lost on a lot of people.” — My wife, after the aforementioned gay Derek was dunked in the Playboy Mansion pool by a pair of ridiculously proportioned “bunnies.”

Awesome Spousal Comment #2: “This was really a reward for Trump.” — My wife again, after catching Trump ogling poolside, while the rest of the largely female Kinetic team looked a little bored.

Boardroom Strategy Analysis: The reason Arrow lost was because buyers didn’t like the men’s suits. Carey pretty much designed every suit and talked everybody into going with his designs, despite obvious, eye-rolling misgivings. So, early discussions involve cannon-balling Michelle because, as it turns out, nobody likes her.