Sunday, March 13, 2011

Glimpses from the past..

"You know what Nishka, life couldn't have been more perfect for me". Preeti was beaming with happiness and why should she not? She is after all in love. She was meeting me after a long time. We had been fast friends in school but in the years after that we had been too busy to catch up. She was still the same bubbly girl who made friend easily. I have lost my innocence and charm long back. She at this moment would never notice this change in me. Love after all makes all the world shrink and all you can think is about that special someone in your heart.
She and her boyfriend made a cute couple. Everyone thinks they are "made for each other", but I would rather not use these words for anyone. That's what everyone used to say about "US". We were a perfect couple.
Time raced back in my mind and I felt transported to those days of love. Even the memory of it made my heart ache and my body seethe in pain.. Why do I have to still feel for him? After all he has done to me and to our relationship, why is there still that lame hope of having him back? So much time has passed by yet why is that monsoon still moistening my eyes? I stare and stare into nothingness and suddenly that face looms in front of my eyes... That face, that smile which once made my heart leap now makes my heart throb so hard I fear it will break my ribs.. That vacuum he left in my life will forever be that way..
Was I willingly closing my eyes to the truth? Was his assurance fake?
Those moments of happiness, those promises to be for each other always.. I was so sure he was as madly in love with me as I was with him.. I still am..
Those late night calls.. Those love messages... The way he used to lovingly call out my name.. That one night when I couldn't sleep and he tenderly sang me to sleep... I couldn't live a thousand years and experience that bliss again.. What would I not give up to get that simplicity and love back... But it is gone with the winds...
"Are you listening?" She almost shrieked.. I pulled myself out from my thoughts... "Guess what ? He is coming here. Isn't that great? "
I was already feeling claustrophobic.. Happy couples always made me that way.. I wanted to rush out of this place.. The urge to shout back, "Go and have the time of your life. Don't bother about me" was overpowering but I had to bear with it.. I couldn't give my friends hell for what I am going through and neither did I want to act like a mood spoiler... That's one of the reasons he had given for breaking up..... I need to snap it out of my mind.. I need to go back into the hiding.. Social meetings aren't my cup of tea anymore...
"sorry Preeti, I just remembered I forgot my keys at a relative's place. I got to rush. You guys enjoy. " She didn't read much into it either... She was busy adoring her sweetheart..
I walked towards the door and glanced back... They were holding hands and gazing into each others eyes.. Magic of love..........
I rushed back home into my haven of loneliness where I didn't have to pretend everything is fine...