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Detaching Your Mind, Attaching Your Heart

Have you ever been in a situation where you really, really wanted something to work out? You so called had your “heart set on it”?

Well, I think it is safe to say that we have all been there at one time or another. Excited to have something work out, in fact counting on something working out, investing a lot of our thoughts and focus to it. And sometimes it is there, exactly how we imagined it, or perhaps even better. But sometimes, it isn’t. So what happens when it doesn’t, or didn’t work out quite as you’d hoped?

Perhaps you didn’t get the job you were counting on. Perhaps a project did not get finished on time. Perhaps an item you really needed/wanted to buy, became unavailable for whatever reason. Perhaps a family member, friend or a lover didn’t come through in some way.

This is where most people spiral down a staircase of negative emotions. From anger and sadness, to hopelessness and depression. We blame other people, we blame God, we think we aren’t good enough, we claim we have no “luck” and on and on. The results aren’t pretty.

But let us step back for a moment. What is really at the heart of all of these situations? To contrary belief it may have nothing to do with our heart at all, and everything to do with our mind. Such that, it would be better to say “I have my mind set on it”, not “my heart”.

For you see, when we think, speak and act from our hearts, there are no negative emotions attached. We understand that everything that happens has a greater purpose. We understand that there is perfection even there, where it is least apparent.

The mind on the other hand attaches to future events and specific outcomes for various reasons. It can be for reasons to shape us, define us, give us a sense of purpose or meaning. It can be to feel loved, needed, appreciated or understood. It can be to prove something to another, to show off, to gain a certain status and the list continues. None of these reasons however come from your higher self, they are the language of the Ego.

So how can we turn it all around?

The next time you are super excited about something working out, bring some space, clarity and balance to the situation. This isn’t about proving or disproving the Law of Attraction, but about getting in touch with where your focus and intention really lies.

If we have hidden fears and doubts brewing around in our subconscious, even if on the surface we think we have it all under control, deep within we are sending the Universe completely different messages.

Thus, have the courage to examine your situation from all angles. Not negative angles, but different possible outcomes. There is no need to label each outcome as “bad” or “good”, but simply to see them all having equal value in the eyes of the Universe. Practice with how each outcome makes you feel, and you will very quickly discover any blockage or resistance you have to a certain situation.

Finally, be okay with what is. This is not a solution of defeat, but rather a solution of connecting with your heart, not your mind. You may not always know or be in control of how things turn out, but you always have a choice in how you will choose to act, to no matter what happens. Thus, choose to trust, that if you truly gave a situation your heart-centered and conscious focus, it has turned out exactly as it was meant to.

In the end, it is definitely not always the easiest thing to do, to choose a heart-centered approach, when the mind is screaming at us otherwise. But the more we tune into our heart, our inner being and our higher self, the more we act from the most natural place of who we truly are – love.

Now its your turn- Have you been living a heart centered life? Or do you still let your Ego rule your life? What are your thoughts on this? Please share your wisdom in the comments below.

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About the author: Evita Ochel, B.Sc., B.Ed., CHN – is the founder and editor of EvolvingBeings.com – an online publication to awaken and inspire people to grow in consciousness and connect with a heart-centered way of life. You can sign up for the RSS feed or follow Evita Ochel on Twitter.

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27 thoughts on “Detaching Your Mind, Attaching Your Heart”

Evita,
I *love* this post because you are right-on..
The moment I feel I am set on something, I release the emotion of ‘set on’. I release because otherwise I am putting constraints on the Universe’ power…I cannot ask for magical within a realm of conditions..
I have also found when I come from heart centered there are many solutions to what I am asking for..for example the issue of daycare. Right before summer break, my long term sitters quit. I immediately asked for new sitters, which we got but with horrible results.. I realized what my heart wanted was for my children to experience consistent Love and Fun while I was working..and since I have identified that, there has been someone every day to Love on my children..
I focus on living life fully through my senses…Any time there is a struggle it is my mind at work..when I am heart centered I am at peace and life is as peace filled, delight filled, joy filled as I allow it to be..If I feel a “lack” of something that is my key to do the work to open my heart even farther…awe-some!

Evita, this is such a beautifully written post. Thank you. It seems to me that attachment always gets us into trouble! Learning to let go is a lifelong journey and articulate all the possible pitfalls so well. All the best to you!

Thank you for your kind feedback. And yes, I so find that in many aspects of life – allowing, flowing, learning to let go and detaching from a set way of expectations is a lifelong journey indeed! But such a great one, as we expand state of our being.

HI Evita,
I would like to thank you and welcome you to Positive Provocations. Its such an awesome gift for me that you have chosen to write for my humble blog.🙂
This article is so beautiful..and makes perfect sense. Almost all heartaches come from attaching to the mind rather than the heart. And you so rightly pointed out that its not really “heart set on it” but rather the mind set on it.
I personally have found that living a heart centered life, makes me happy. Happy, calm and peaceful. Its not always easy…thats right..but in the long run its the best way to live. Cause Ego based living isnt really a long lasting road to happiness is it…
Thank you again Sweetie! This is a message we all really need to be reminded often.
Lots of love and hugs~

Thank you so much! And your site is anything but humble – it is an amazing place of love, creation, compassion and growth. It is such a pleasure and honor to be here as a guest🙂

And I echo your sentiments. I feel, see and have opportunities to learn and practice this in my life regularly. Being at peace is number one for me today, so I always try to look consciously at all aspects of my life, but of course sometimes this is easier than other times, so indeed it is soooo good to be reminded of this regularly🙂

Evita, that post had such clarity. While reading, I could feel it cut through a fog of conflicting ideas. The outcomes you describe are completely relatable. When acting from my heart, even tragedy does not seem like a mistake. When acting from my head, a small loss can initiate a spiral of ego based emotions.
Thank you for reminding me of the simple barometer of head vs heart based living. In this moment, I can see the perfection in everything around me…

Once again, you are right on target. While reading this post, several instances came to mind where I had indeed set my mind on something. I hadn’t thought about it in this way until now, so this helps me a lot. I also have memories of the times my heart was set on something, and the outcome was less important than the experiences I had.

Oh those old mind attachment issues and the ego stuff are such hard habits to change and release – they are sometimes always there….playing a game with us….if we could only see the game sooner it could release us to move away sooner, stronger.

I think this is an area where an Oppositional Defiant Disorder kiddo is a fabulous teacher….as the negative blasting force of words and threats would come at me at jet speed, I had to learn to step back and watch the show and not engage…the ego so wanted to step right in and stop the attack….it was lessons I needed to learn and the child needed to mature and learn coping skills….

Very nice writing, so clear and easy to understand Thank you
Thank you Zeenat for hosting.

You point out an excellent aspect of not engaging – being conscious of what is being created. This is perhaps one of the toughest things for us to do, as when we are presented with a situation, whether positive or negative, we almost always want to personalize and attach. This is seldom to our advantage.

Thank you Patricia kindly for your feedback as well – it means a lot to hear🙂

Evita, I felt such incredible peace as I read this post. It’s as if you infused the words with your peaceful, beautiful energy and that energy traveled to and then through me. Thank you… I loved what you said here, and HOW you said it. Simply awesome.

I wrote this at a moment when I was faced with choosing peace (a heart-centered approach) or choosing adversity (a mind-centered approach). I think it is in those moments where we are most inspired by our own lessons, that we are able to share with others, helps others, teach others most clearly.

Dear Evita and Z.
I agree, there is nothing humble about this blog.
Oh Evita this is IT;“The heart chooses reactions of unconditional love, joy, kindness, respect, care, peace, stillness and gratitude.
The mind chooses Ego-based responses of fear, anger, sadness, hatred, revenge, depression, unworthiness and blame.”
It is like Lauren says, an easy enough barometer to use and YET, there is still so much conditioning in my life to even question my ability to use a barometer like this OR in shaky times when I need it the most it will even argue about the barometer itself.
It has been tricky alright but I am more and more able to use this barometer as I expand my experiences into heart-centered ones. John and I have just taken a two week break of doing the minimum and I was interesting to notice which one showed up when I became anxious about my absence. It sure was the ego talk which was causing all the anxiety and I am so committed to learning to replace it with heart-centered talk. It is worth while as life becomes peaceful and joyful and so much more loving.
We cannot hear it enough while making this transition, can we?
Much love to you both, xox Wilma

Wilma it is a pleasure to read your comments and thoughts on this matter.

You are so right, it is not always easy to use or even to trust that barometer, but with practice it works, it really works.

Feeling good, I truly believe is our inner guidance system to remind us that we are acting from our inner being – our higher selves. When we choose to feel bad, and I know it is tough, but we do choose it, we act out of our unconscious selves, our Egos, our fears, etc.

So in the end, yes I agree, we cannot hear stuff like this enough. I know I appreciate reflecting on this and putting it into action in my own life on a regular basis today.

“Thus, have the courage to examine your situation from all angles. Not negative angles, but different possible outcomes. There is no need to label each outcome as “bad” or “good”, but simply to see them all having equal value in the eyes of the Universe.”

Well said Evita. It’s good to understand that nothing is inherently good or bad unless it has perception of intention stamped to it.

Oh Tess, I think that is so true for most parents. I know mine included.

It is good to know these things today and be able to see all situations, including one like raising children from another perspective. I bet it is tough for parents to keep this in mind in the midst of their children growing up, but one of the key things to remember is that these souls are their own beings. They have their own lessons and experiences that they chose and they need, for what they came here for.

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