Deep Peace

I was in the hospital (May 2008) to have a D & E after a miscarriage. I have a tremendous fear of not waking up from anesthesia. During the procedure, I experienced an extremely rare Amniotic Fluid Embolism, which caused a Cardiac Arrest and DIC (profuse uterine/vaginal bleeding). The next recollection I have is waking up to see my mother-in-law, husband and OB/GYN standing over me. It was two days later. I had been in a coma unable to speak, barely able to see and very confused.

I was in the hospital for two weeks and returned home. My eyesight was significantly impacted. Approximately two weeks later, when I was walking around by myself, I had a very strong memory come to me. I could see myself in a room filled with bright, white light. I was on the floor kneeling, looking up and begging to someone behind or within the source of that light--in my heart I knew it was God--not to let me die because I didn't think it would be fair for my mother to lose both of her daughters. (My sister had died nine years earlier.) Within that light was warmth and peace. My begging didn't feel like it came from desperation, but out of love and concern for my mother.

After the fact, I felt it odd that my concern was for my mom and not for my husband and children. I presume it's because I knew that my husband would manage and care for our children well enough without me. I don't know. This recollection came to me long after the actual experience. I didn't have any particular feelings about it, except awe and strong conviction that deep peace from the love and light of God is possible in life and death.

Since the time of my recovery and continued life experience, I have felt a deeper calling to do things in my life that will have a positive impact on someone around me every day. For examples, whether it is to make someone smile, help my daughters with their reading, or volunteer at the local elementary school. I also speak to groups of women on topics that can help them become what God created them to be.

Last Updated ( Monday, 20 December 2010 16:26 )

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I had cataracts removed from both eyes and in the months following the operations the glare from sunshine, from television, even from my computer screen was unbearable. Eventually I decided to use the pain I was suffering as a symbolic statement indicating that I was unable to deal with The Light, so dropping down into a deep meditative state I began a visualization – a sort of waking dream –

The anesthesiologist showed me that the line was in a blood vessel and she would have to retry it. At that moment, I saw my blood pressure drop to 40/20 and I knew what that meant. I felt myself starting to fall over. At the same time I saw a boundary between darkness and light appear. I started to rise above the dark boundary and go into the light. The most interesting thing was that I felt no pain.

I had a seizure that caused me to code (no pulse or heartbeat). The nurses called rapid response code and I was once again taken back to the ICU. When I got to the room with, machines connected to me, is when I started to drift from the world.