I really need some advice and/or ideas on how to feel about this and what to do.
I'm 31 and I've been living with my 32 yo bf for roughly a year now. He's the love of my life and in many ways I feel blessed to have him. We used to do everything together and experience lot of things for the first time. Swingers club also. It was originally his idea and I thought we might give it a try. We weren't swapping, just having sex with each other while watching and being watched. I didn't like it. We went back four times over past couple of months and I just don't like it. He on the other hand seams to enjoy it, and keeps on asking me to go back. He says he wants us to experiment and "have fun".
We came to the point where I don't feel like having sex anymore. When we have sex it's just not as passionate cus I don't think he's having fun with me and I'm afraid he'll start talking about going back there again.
I tried talking about it and pointing out that it was an adventure and I don't want to make an lifestyle out of it. But still whenever I loosen up a bit and forget about it he starts "joking" abut me not loving him anymore cus I don't want to do "fun stuff" anymore. We have a discussion which ends in him saying that we'll do all the things I want - even when he has a suggestion and I say no to it, we are still doing what I said. Again every suggestion he makes is going to different swingers clubs.
I feel we are slowly drifting apart and I don't know what to do anymore. I love him with all my heart but I don't want to share our intimacy.