"And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them." (Mark 10:16)

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Still believing, even though it hurts

Todd is currently on top of the roof hanging Christmas
lights and swearing. I’m sitting here writing while downloading really cheesy
Christmas music.I’ve got a warm cup of
tea and a cute little snowman candle glowing.We got all our Christmas decorations out and up.We just need to trim the tree, and then we’re
done!And then everything will be
better, right?

We woke up on Thanksgiving Day, both of us cranky and unsure
what to be thankful for.Yes, we are the
Bah-humbugs this year.OF COURSE we have
plenty to be thankful for – and we aren’t so cynical and bitter that we can’t
find some gratitude.It is just that we
are now on the fourth holiday season without our sons here to share it with us.We are angry, and mostly sad and heartbroken
– not just for us, but for their young and tender hearts.It is way past time for them to come home.

Yes, so now onto that popular question – WHEN WILL THEY COME HOME?ANY NEWS?WHAT’S THE STATUS?We wish we knew.We wish it was easy to explain the process.We don’t even understand it sometimes.The trouble is that every situation is
different, and every stage of the process requires something that sometimes we
have to wait even longer on.Most
recently, we’ve been waiting on an ID card for one of our boy’s biological
parents.We couldn’t progress to the
next stage until the courts had the proper ID for that parent – and that ID
took over a year to obtain.There is no
explanation for this.In fact, I just
renewed my driver's license here in Tennessee a few weeks ago.It took me 1 hour – not 1 year.But with every step of this process we learn
more and more about the difficulties Haiti faces every day in just doing
“normal” business.That ID finally did
come, but now there is a strike, and courts are not open.So we wait some more.

Yes, we were under every impression and belief this
Christmas would be different – that our boys would be home with us.But we are hanging lights and trimming the
tree just as the year before – with continued sadness but no less hope than
before.And we truly don’t mean to be
bah-humbug.We just want to be honest and
authentic about where we are. We are hurting.But we press on.We continue
hoping. And we knew when we started this journey it would be hard and painful.While so many people mean well, we don’t need
anymore pep talks, bible verses, or fluffy spiritual jargon.We believe in God, His Son Jesus, and the
Holy Spirit.We know and trust their
great power and love through this.And
we don’t ever begin to assume we know better than God and His timing.We lean on Him every day.And we also know it’s possible to love and
lean on God and still hurt.

So I drink my tea and listen to Kenny and Dolly sing “I
Believe in Santa Claus" one more time.I hang the ornaments we all made together last Christmas and put them on
this sweet little Charlie Brown Christmas tree that proudly sits in our front
window.It somehow screams to the
outside, “our boys are coming!They are
coming! They will be here!” We hang their stockings.We cry.And we hold each other tight because we have each other to get us
through the wait.And we have the
comforting presence of God who also knows very well how it feels to hurt for
His children.

1 comment:

I'm sorry for you, Todd, and the kids. Praying for wisdom in the process.and God opening up the doors to get you to where you need to go.

Linda, my wife, shared this with me by one of Beth Moore's kids: http://babybangs.blogspot.com/2012/08/cracked-goggles.html It concerns testing as God's way of building endurance. When were in that position, it's not fun. But I think God has a training plan for you and your family.