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Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Stealing Toilet Paper And A Tom Hardy Disappointment

I went to a Pampered Chef party last night with a friend. I didn't think I'd make it, but I'll get to that later. I got roped into this by my boss who said that she would only go if I went so I went and, of course, my boss is a no show but luckily my friend went with me.

I quickly realized that the Pampered Chef is 1: freaking expensive and 2: fucking retarded. I realized this when my friend leaned over and said "Oooh look this thing minces garlic and slices it!" My rebuttal was, "Ya, it's called a knife" Then my friend asked why I went to this in the first place and I said I really just wanted to hang out and get free wine and food.

Who needs a fucking brownie pan for individual slices?

The Pampered Chef catalog was teeming with crap that no one needs. For instance, an avocado knife? What's wrong with using just a regular butter knife? A thing that mashes ground beef, aka a spatula? Spice blends that I could make myself? I am convinced that women will buy literally anything at any price as long as it comes in pretty packaging and all their other female friends are doing it.
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My friend said that the point of all these extra kitchen gadgets is to make cooking easier, but really it's overpriced stuff that you don't need. The only way that I would buy a $20 spatula would be if that spatula would buy the food, cook the meal and then have sex with me after the meal, wash the dishes and be sure to call me the next day.

The reason for my larger cloud of snarkiness than usual was due to bike troubles. Tom Hardy failed me again. I was less than two miles from home, midway up the 152nd Ave SE hill, when my rear gears just wouldn't shift. Each time I tried shifting to a lower gear, the chain shifted to a higher gear. Then the gears just stopped responding completely. The front gears worked fine.

So now I'm in the highest gear possible in a 15.7% hill. Great. So I got off my bike, walked it up to a flatter area to see if some momentum would fix the gear situation. It didn't. I got up on the sidewalk, flipped the bike on its head, then tried shifting like that. Still absolutely nothing. Well, I wasn't about to walk my bike home so I called hubby to pick me up and take me to a Volkswagen dealer - kidding. I just like saying that.

Hubby took me to Gerk's, my LBS, and I made it there 20 minutes prior to closing. This is where greasing your bike mechanic with a case of beer comes in handy. My bike mechanic saw me walk in, dropped what he was doing, and tended to my bike. Yeay!
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What turned out to be the problem was inside the gear housing. One of the metal ends had come loose from the rubber tube so whatever grabs onto the wire to make shifting possible didn't have anything to grab onto. I dont' know if this makes any sense. Anyway, he fixed the problem, and Tom Hardy is back in action today.