They fell in love, got married and set about building a new life, another time round. Four women share the struggles and joys of remarriage.

Raseel Gujral with Navin Ansal

It was fate. The first time Raseel Gujral met her husband-to-be, Navin Ansal, in 1992 at a party, she didn’t know that one tête-à-tête would be a chance to restore her faith in relationships. “I was just out of a six-year, traumatic relationship and was looking for anything but marriage,” says the 43-year-old, who was 27 at that time and mother of Akarsh, now 22.

Nobody gets married thinking it will fail and with the changing roles of women, the reasons for getting married have altered. “Women either stay in the relationship for all the wrong reasons like societal pressure or part for reasons which are frivolous,” says Gujral. But Gujral had not shunned the idea of marriage, “Even though it is an imperfect institution, I knew I wanted another child and the security of a family,” says Gujral, who met her first husband at 16, got married at 17 and had Akarsh at 18.

The first time: She married early for love, without realising the future of the relationship.

Divorced after six years of marriage.

Great expectations: Wanted a grounded relationship, based on friendship, love and understanding.

Ansal, 50, who married at 24, shared little, except an interest for parties with his first wife and was looking for an emotional connection when he met Gujral. Two years later, they started living together. “The arrangement worked because either one could walk out if things didn’t work,” says Gujral. Her parents continued to support her, though the change was hard for her son to accept initially. “He was young and saw another man replacing his father,” says Ansal. For them, becoming a family came gradually.

After a six-year live-in relationship they decided to tie the knot in 1999 and Gujral had her second son, Imaan, now seven, in 2000, which made the bond stronger.

Divorces often leave children rattling between two homes and two sets of parents, unable to hold on to either. But for Naina Balsaver Ahmad, 49, the transition was smoother than she expected. Married at 19, it was an overpowering love that drew her to her first husband. But that relationship was not to be and the couple separated 10 years later. Ahmad had by then started a beauty salon, worked in television serials and was looking after her daughters, Rivan, then eight, and Rivka, five. On holiday in Delhi from Mumbai to visit her aunt, Ahmad met her second husband, Akbar Ahmad, a politician and real estate developer, at a party. A three-year courtship followed, letters exchanged and long telephone conversations before the two decided to tie the knot. But the decision wasn’t an easy one. “The children took it hard. I tried explaining to them that relationships change, but it is not something you can understand at such a young age,” she says. A quiet ceremony in 1990, minus the children, and Ahmad started building a new life. “Accepting Akbar as a father figure took time but sharing the little ups and downs of life changed that,” she says. The birth of Azaan, now 16, and Aleah, 12, helped cement family ties, Rivan mothering the two and becoming a figure to look up to. Marriage, like anything else needs time and Ahmad now consciously makes time to keep the passion alive.

Naina Balsaver with Akbar Ahmad

Devi Cherian was not looking for a relationship either after she was widowed at 26. Based in Shimla, she set about re-building her life and bringing up her children, Afsana, now 28 and Chirag, 23, bringing airline services to the hill station with Vayudoot. Five years later she met founder partner of Perfect Relations, Dilip Cherian, at a party.

The first time: It was love at first sight, but they drifted apart over the years. Divorced after 10 years of marriage.

Great expectations: Keeping the base sturdy. No marriage ends unless it is on a weak foundation.

The connection was instant and the two got married after a six-month courtship. “My daughter was very protective of me and took time to accept Dilip. It was easier for Chirag because he was younger and had missed out on a father figure,” she says. Devi’s family had apprehensions, not because the two came from different religious backgrounds, but because they didn’t want to see her get hurt. “Building trust takes time, but sometimes I think the children are more Dilip’s than mine,” she laughs.

The taboo around second marriages has begun to ease over the last decade. Secondshaadi.com, a portal targeting people looking to remarry with 22,314 members since it started six months ago, 5,868 of them, women. “Women have become more open about looking for another partner and mature in their expectations,” says cofounder Ankur Warikoo. But the search for Mr Right continued for actor and classical dancer, Neelima Azeem, 45, even after her second divorce.

It took Azeem two failed marriages to realise her soul mate was right in front of her, Ustad Raza Ali Khan, a musician and composer. They grew up together and were the closest of friends, but never romantically involved.

He was there to support her after her divorce from actor Pankaj Kapoor, but things didn’t work out, “I was confused then and his family was against the fact that I was married and had a child,” says Azeem, mother of Shahid, 26 (from first husband) and Shehzaad Ishaan, 12 (from second husband).

Neelima Azeem, 45 Classical dancer and actor Married to Ustad Raza Ali Khan for four years

The first time: First divorce was due to a lack of companionship and the second, due to financial troubles.

Great expectations: Support and a secure home for her son, Ishaan.

Neelima Azeem with Ustad Raza Ali Khan

Her first marriage ended on grounds of lack of companionship, the second, with a businessman in 1999, because of alcoholism and financial troubles. “My family supported me right through,” she says.

Azeem and Raza tied the knot in 2003, but she says Raza’s family continues to have an “unaccepting attitude” towards her. “I have given up trying and reconciled with the situation. I deserve this happiness,” she says. Her second son, Ishaan, has moved in with her after the marriage. “My son is very happy. He is learning music from Raza and blossoming in this relationship,” she adds. Four years into the marriage, they have seen a lot of ups and downs in their professional life, but have stuck it out.

Marriage may not have turned out as planned, but these women have found happiness another time round.