What's the Difference Between a Sex Slump and a Sex Life on Life Support?

She took a deep breath—and a long gulp of Moscato—before she launched into her sad story: My 29-year-old friend hadn't had sex with her husband in six weeks. And before that sole three-minute-long tumble between the sheets, which she initiated, it had been another eight weeks since her husband touched her. "I don't think we're in a sex slump anymore," she said. "I think our sex life is just dead." When this woman and her husband first tied the knot, it was normal to do the deed three times a week, she said. But life happened—and five years later, their sex life had seriously slowed down. "I didn't even notice it at first," she said. "We were still having sex, so it was OK that it wasn't as often." But eventually, the gaps in between stretched so long that she couldn't remember the last time they'd had sex. "Instead of days, I was counting weeks, and then months," she said. She tried to revive the physical aspect of her relationship, buying lingerie, sending sexts, and initiating night after night. "Sometimes it worked," she said, "but more often, there was some kind of excuse. He was too tired, or he was

She took a deep breath—and a long gulp of Moscato—before she launched into her sad story: My 29-year-old friend hadn't had sex with her husband in six weeks. And before that sole three-minute-long tumble between the sheets, which she initiated, it had been another eight weeks since her husband touched her. "I don't think we're in a sex slump anymore," she said. "I think our sex life is just dead."

When this woman and her husband first tied the knot, it was normal to do the deed three times a week, she said. But life happened—and five years later, their sex life had seriously slowed down. "I didn't even notice it at first," she said. "We were still having sex, so it was OK that it wasn't as often."

But eventually, the gaps in between stretched so long that she couldn't remember the last time they'd had sex. "Instead of days, I was counting weeks, and then months," she said. She tried to revive the physical aspect of her relationship, buying lingerie, sending sexts, and initiating night after night. "Sometimes it worked," she said, "but more often, there was some kind of excuse. He was too tired, or he was too stressed to keep it up if things got going."

Eventually, she said, "I just stopped trying."

Sex slumps are sometimes—unfortunately!—a normal happenstance of a long-term relationship. Stress, health issues, or even just boredom can creep in and turn regular sex into here-and-there lovemaking. But when you go several weeks or even months in a row without physical intimacy, that could signal more than a slump—it could mean your relationship is hanging on by a thread. In that case, it's time to have a serious talk, and maybe even bring in a therapist to find the underlying issue.