Ways to make a song go viral

Take tips from us for making a drab song go viral on the Internet and become the next Kolaveri Di.

1. Cook up a boring melodyDo not flaunt your composing skills by coming up with complicated melodies. The drabber the tune, the better it works. Also, don’t go too heavy on those guitar solos. A monotonous groove with a few catchy riffs here and it should be just fine.

2. Add random lyricsSince we’re not talking social anthems, the lyrics must exude mixed emotions. So add generous doses of anger, frustration and embarrassment with gay abandon. In new-age song writing, abstract is the new profound. Tit-bits in your mother tongue and concocted words work well with listeners.

3. Get a non-singer onboardIt saves money. Secondly, fresh voices (talented or otherwise) are appreciated. And as far as the novice’s skills in the studio are concerned, don’t forget this is the reason why pitch-correcting softwares were invented.

4. Keep repeating the chorusHere’s the thumb rule: If the chorus line doesn’t drill a hole in your listener’s head, you haven’t made enough of an impact. So make sure that the catchy line is repeated at least 27 times throughout the song for high recall value and eventual success.

5. Make a very amateurish videoShoot a shaky video on your handycam. Choose three camera angles and keep alternating between them. Make sure the non-singer’s close-up appears every seven seconds and get random shots of the mixing console and studio recordist. Upload this video on YouTube. Share it on Facebook and Twitter. If haven’t received at least a thousand hits in a day, well, there’s always the next day to look forward to.

6. Make regional versionsThink ‘Dhinka chinka’ and its Telugu version ‘Ringa ringa’ and you know what we are talking about. Also, wouldn’t lending your tune to niche languages like Garhwali and Konkani make you a flag bearer of national integration? Bribe regional artistes if they don’t come forward voluntarily. Promise them their 15 seconds of fame and see how the hits multiply.

7. Get toddlers to sing tooYour fan base must transcend age groups and if you haven’t had a toddler sing in his coochie-coo voice, you’ve barely scratched the surface. Besides upping the likeability quotient of your song, it could even help your song make it to a Bollywood flick