With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
drunk Florida woman arrested in a grease dumpster
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 23, in
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at
the Palais Royale Saloon.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
--- Walt Disney (1901 - 1966)
Man is the only animal that goes to sleep when he's
not sleepy and gets up when he is.
--- Dave Gneiser
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats.
Four small children scurried around her. Her husband, coming
down the stairs, asked why she was standing there.
"Here," she said, handing him the coats. "This time you put the
children into their coats, and I'll go outside and honk the horn."
______________________________________________________
An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the
unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some
whales can communicate at a distance of three hundred
miles."
A sarcastic member of the group asked, "What on earth
would one whale say to another, three hundred miles away?"
"I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds
something like 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww?'!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Anna Marzita Shinkle,
54,
Fort Myers,
Florida
Drunk Florida woman falls asleep in grease dumpster
Anna Marzita Shinkle is charged with drunken disorderly
conduct and resisting an officer after falling asleep at
the Lani Kai Island Resort's grease dumpster just before
2 a.m. Saturday, according to an Lee County Sheriff's
Office report.
"The female was unresponsive and covered in grease with a
shirt on and her pants down at her ankles," the report states.
The deputy woke her up, told her he was a deputy sheriff and
that the fire department was also there to help her.
She responded "by stating 'go **** yourself'...then continuously
stuck her middle finger up at him." and he said it didn't end
there adding "she was going to cut us and **** us up."
"The fire department attempted to assist the woman, but she
held onto the grease dumpster making it extremely difficult
to remove her."
According to the report, deputies and firefighters, "warned
the female that if she did not comply she would be tased...
as soon as the female threatened us again and took an
aggressive fighting stance, I tased the female."
She then complied with officers, was transported to Health
Park hospital "to have the taser probes removed"
and went to jail.
Shinkle is out on bond and scheduled to appear in court
next month.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From:
Re: no Question
Dear Webby,
No Answer
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a
lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and
showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Later, it was question time and she asked, "My name begins
with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easily Remove Grease from Ground Beef
Whenever I browned hamburger meat for tacos, spaghetti,
or whatever, I used to take the meat out of the pan,
transfer it to a strainer to drain the grease and then
return it to the pan to finish cooking.
I have found an easier way to handle the excess grease
without all the work. This is so much easier and less
mess to clean up. Just brown the meat, tilt the frying
pan so the grease drains to one side.
Take a couple of paper towels and soak up the grease,
the more grease there is the more paper towels need
to be used.
Remove the grease soaked paper towels and discard on
a paper plate or some other type of container. Then
toss the paper towels in the trash. I use this method
all the time now and it's so much easier.
By Ida Claire [5]
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Instead of wasting paper towels and burning my fingers
I use a plate to hold back the meat, and let the grease
drain into a low, empty can, that I give to the birds.
Especially in winter they love grease and crumbs.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm.
As the passengers were being bounced around by the
turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next
to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're
a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"
And the minister said, "Lady, I'm in sales,
not in tech support."
___________________________________________________

Cooper eats ice cream

Air New Zealand safety video
____________________________________________________
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an
hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her.
Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.
When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles
following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she
looked around, there were three cops following her.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She
screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten
minutes later, she innocently walked out.
The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without
batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I
would make it."
____________________________________________________
As the bus pulled away, Cindy realized she had left her purse
under the seat. She called the company and was relieved
that the driver had found it. When she went to pick it up,
several off-duty bus drivers surrounded her.
One man handed her her empty purse, four typewritten
pages and a bushel box containing the contents of her purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he
explained.
"I think you'll find everything there." As she started to put her
belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope
you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of
us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see
just how you do it."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Thanks to Shantell for her blunder submission:
I usually fall asleep listening to the sound of thunderstorms
and rain. It's an app on my Kindle. One night I got sooo
caught up in the sound I got up and covered myself because
I thought I was getting wet from the rain. (Bear in mind
it was an app playing)
Shantell
Noella
____________________________________________________

Amazing never seen
before creatures from the deep.

Today, November 23, in
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act.
1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing machine.
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at
the Palais Royale Saloon.
1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands at
the age of 10 when her father William III died.
1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of
Tarawa and Makin from the Japanese during the Central Pacific
offensive in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended.
1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens.
1946 Mound Metalcraft changed its name to Tonka Toys Inc.
1961 The Dominican Republic changed the name of its capital
from Ciudad Trujillo to Santo Domingo.
1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the United
Nations Security Council.
1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced to life
imprisonment for the assassination of Earl Mountbatten.
1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were killed
in a series of earthquakes.
1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West
Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International
Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva.
1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested
and accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a year
after his conviction.
1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from Athens
to Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta.
1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League goal.
1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed she had
witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and two other
people at the Jose Simeon Canas University in El Salvador,
was flown to the U.S.
1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen Electra.
The two had been married on November 14, 1998.
1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil settlement.
It was a $206-billion deal to resolve remaining state claims
for treating sick smokers.
1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's effort to
block pornography on library computer calling the attempt
unconstitutional.
2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk NYC real estatebroker steals taxi.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 22, in
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was killed
during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. British
soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed him. He was
shot and stabbed more than 25 times.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been
in excess of the demand.
--- Josh Billings
Women only have two complaints. Nothing to wear, and not
enough closet space for it."
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 40 years of
marriage. During the celebration a fairy appeared! "Because
you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would
like to give you each one wish."
The wife quickly chimed in, "I want to travel around the
world." The fairy waved her wand and, POOF! She had the
tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment,
then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years
younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and, POOF!
He was 90.
______________________________________________________
While at a government office, a voice on the office loudspeaker
announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it
will work properly in case of emergency. Whenever there is a
telphone outage, the speaker system will automatically take over
for all inter-office communication. When the phones are off and
the speakers are on, please do not relay any confidential information."
Then the voice added:
"If you are unable to hear this announcement, please phone the
help desk."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kinga Tabares,
27,
NYC
NY
NYC real estate broker was so drunk she
allegedly stole a NYC taxi cab and went for a wild ride.
This NY real estate broker was so drunk and wild the cab
driver drove straight to the closet NYPD station to have
them help him deal with her.
It's a NY city cab driver who did this. They see the best
and the worst of NYC, so for this cab driver to drive
straight to the police station just shows how much of a
drunken mess this 27 year old woman must have been.
When he went into the station to get the cops, she
jumped in the drivers seat and ttook off in his taxi.
When the cops find her she's in the Chelsea neighborhood
of Manhattan throwing up out of the drivers window.
Drinking too much is not a good look, especially for a
Douglas Elliman real estate broker, no matter how cute
a hypnotist she is.
Stealing a cab and drunk driving will hopefully get her
some time to sober up and settle down.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Clean ads from recipes
Dear Webby,
About those recipes - I copy lots from Thrifty Fun too, and
other sites with ads, and I have no clue what you just
advised to avoid them. What I do is just copy everything &
paste it somewhere, then just go through it & delete
everything I don't want. Pictures go with one right click &
delete, other stuff may have to be highlighted but it works
for me.
Bonnie in NH
Dear Bonnie
Great idea and a lot faster than I had been doing it.
I will upgrade to doing it your way right now!
Have FUN
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five
daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion.
"Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh.
"Kids, when I was busy getting us securely established, were a
nuisance, but grandchildren would be a pleasure, now that I would
have time for them. I'll give a million dollars to the first kid who
presents me with a little one to bounce on my knee. Now, let's say
grace."
... When the old man lifted his eyes again, his wife was the
only other person at the table.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Magic Lampshade
This is a way to create an easy and fun, magic lampshade
customized by you!
Approximate Time: approximately 10 minutes
Supplies:
white lampshade
black Sharpie pen
Steps:
Take a white lampshade and draw anything you want inside
with a black Sharpie pen. You can look on the internet or
books for ideas. Shadow puppet images are helpful.
I chose Mary Poppins. I drew it free hand in case sketching
would be visible. As a result I don't know if sketches
will show.
Turn the light on and, voila, surprise! There you are -
Mary Poppins.
Entertain your friends and family, or just sit back and
enjoy your creation. :)
By KIM HOGGAN [18]
If you don't like drawing, you can
cut out suitable pictures and glue them to the inside
of the lamp shade.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
When a young man left his dorm and moved into an apartment, he
went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with
a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning
products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food
purchase -- a large bag of potato chips.
After surveying all the stuff he piled onto the check-out conveyor,
the check-out clerk remarked:
"If you ever want to experiment with spaghetti, you better get some
professional help!"
___________________________________________________

Air New Zealand safety video

Air New Zealand safety video
____________________________________________________
Watching her mother as she put on her new fur coat, young
Jackie said unhappily,
"Mom, do you realize how much some poor dumb beast
suffered so you could have that?"
The woman shot her an angry look,
"Jackie, how dare you talk about your father like that!"
____________________________________________________
The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver.
Every ten minutes or so she'd pipe up, "Have we reached
Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?"
"No, lady, not yet. I'll let you know," he replied,
time after time.
The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany
Falls, and finally the little town came into view.
Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the brakes, pulled
over and called out, "This is where you get out, lady."
"Is this Oriskany Falls?"
"YES!" he bellowed. "Get out!"
"Oh, I'm going all the way to Albany, sonny," she explained
sweetly. "It's just that my daughter told me that when
we got this far, I should take my first blood pressure pill."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Thank you to Bonnie for submitting her blunder:
We haul our own trash to the dump (ok, recycle/transfer
station). Last week while there I asked one of the employees
to break down an especially tough box that I wanted to recycle.
He was so nice to help and while he was breaking it down,
I even asked him what to do with used lawnmower oil & the
filter. It was then that he told me that he didn't work there
but was glad to help out! How embarrassing!
Bonnie
Noella
____________________________________________________

People are awesome!

Today, November 22, in
1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and Poland
for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire.
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was killed
during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. British
soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed him. He was
shot and stabbed more than 25 times.
1899 The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated
1906 The International Radio Telegraphic Convention in Berlin adopted
the SOS distress signal.
1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first performed publicly.
1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, CA, when
the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for Manila. The craft
was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail.
1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began.
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in a motorcade
in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally was also seriously
wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson was inaugurated as the
36th U.S. President.
1967 The U.N. Security Council approved resolution 242. The resolution
called for Israel to withdraw from territories it had captured in
1967 and called on adversaries to recognize Israel's right to exist.
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American travel
to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8, 1963.
1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the death of
Gen. Francisco Franco.
1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid
$4 million for the broadcast rights.
1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between
New York and Europe.
1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S.
nuclear missiles in West Germany.
1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States.
It was the largest swearing-in ceremony.
1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential
area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians.
1986 Attorney Generel Meese's office discovered a memo in Colonel
Oliver North's office that included an amount of money to be
sent to the Contras from the profits of weapons sales to Iran.
1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world heavyweight-
boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months old.
1988 The South African government announced it had joined Cuba
and Angola in endorsing a plan to remove Cuban troops from Angola.
1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated less
than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that exploded
next to his motorcade in West Beirut.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, his wife, Barbara
shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia.
1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North American
Free Trade Agreement.
1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a
gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and the
gunman were killed in the gun battle.
1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire
in response to a retaliatory air strikes by NATO.
1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving
lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill patient.
Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison for
second-degree murder.
2005 Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female chancellor.
2005 Microsoft's XBOX 360 went on sale.
2013 The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The dinosaur
skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in eastern Utah.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Utah man upset at missing his child's birth
called in bomb threat.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 20, in
1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt...
Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt,
except themselves.
--- Robert Anton Wilson
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as
they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
--- Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said,
"We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I
have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week."
Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side
said, "It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that
easy to get along with either on some days."
______________________________________________________
Sad, but unfortunately aparently true:
From the Florida News Network: Hugh Friday, a teacher at
Forest Hill High School, ran a stop sign and was pulled
over. After receiving a ticket, Friday who is supposed to be
a role model to the teenagers in the school, pulled up to
the stop sign, stood up in the front seat of his car, looked
in an exaggerated and prolonged gaze in both directions for
others cars,
and immediately received another ticket for
"obstructing a roadway."
He was convicted on both charges.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Michael Morlang,
26,
in jail in Idaho
Utah man upset at missing his child's birth
calls in bomb threat.
A Utah man accused of calling in a hospital bomb threat
because he was upset he couldn't attend his child's birth
is now being charged in federal court.
Michael Morlang was indicted Wednesday and faces up to
10 years if convicted, the U.S. Attorney's Office in Utah
said in a news release.
The threat led to an evacuation and lockdown on Sept. 17
at a hospital in the small central Utah city of Richfield.
His wife and her father told investigators the day of the
incident that Morlang made the bomb threat because he was
angry about not being there for the birth, show court
documents from state charges filed earlier this year.
The woman's father also told investigators that Morlang
was upset because he heard his wife was going to have a
procedure to prevent having more pregnancies.
A nurse told police she spoke with Morlang, and that he
was "extremely upset that they were going forward with the
birth" while he was still in Idaho.
Morlang acted like he didn't know of a threat when reached
by phone that day while on a bus back to Idaho, Richfield
City police investigators said in court documents. They
weren't able to connect with him after that.
Morlang is custody in Idaho on unrelated crime. It's not
clear if he has an attorney.
The Utah state charge filed in September against Morlang,
one count of threat of terrorism, are being dismissed now
that the federal government is pursuing charges, said
U.S. Attorney's Office spokeswoman Melodie Rydalch.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Lesley
Re: Recipes without ads
Dear Webby,
Whenever you show a recipe from Thriftyfun, you got just
the recipe without the pesky ads they spit into the middle
of theirs. When I try to copy one, I always get the silly
ads, that don't work anyway after copying.
What is your secret?
Lesley
Dear Lesley
No secret, just effort.
I use NoteTab for all text editing, including the Humor
Letter.
I copy the heading, for example the name of the recipe,
paste it into the text and click on the B to bold it.
Then I copy the recipe as far as the first ad,
ALT TAB to the text, CTRL V to paste it,
ALT TAB back to the recipe. Then I highlight the next
portion down to the next ad, copy, ALT TAB, paste.
And so on.
No secret, just tedious effort.
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Morris and Harry were both fanatics about deep sea fishing.
Each would come back from fishing trips, and tell the other
big lies about the number, and sizes of the fish they caught.
So Morris comes back from his latest fishing trip, and tells
Harry, "You wouldn't believe, but in the Bahamas I caught a
500 pound herring."
Harry says, "That's nothing, last time I fished in the
Bahamas, I pulled up an old lantern from a sunken Spanish
ship -- and da candle was still burning!"
They both looked at each other, knowing that the other was
lying.
Finally, Harry said to Morris, "Look Morris, if you take 499
pounds off your herring . . . I'll blow out my candle!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Perfume Dirty Laundry with Orange Peels
I am moving from a house to an apartment. All is chaos.
I just discovered I confused the laundry basket with the
trash - only once. I found that the dirty clothes smelled
great thanks to the dried out orange peel.
By Joan F. [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The teenage beauty was telling a friend that she was really
worried about her mother. The friend inquired as to the reason
for her worrying.
She informed her friend that her mom was always fatigued from
staying up all night long.
Her friend said, " At her age, that's not good at all. Why is she
staying up all night?"
"She's waiting for me to come home."
___________________________________________________

how to trick your dog into taking a pill

how to trick your dog into taking a pill
____________________________________________________
Wendy was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the
baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being
only five feet tall, Wendy had to stretch, but still
couldn't grab the box.
Fortunately, her husband was six-feet-tall so she called
him to help.
"Hey, James!" Wendy yelled , who was in the living room.
"Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?"
"Sure, Honey," James remarked as he bounded into the kitchen.
"But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'"
____________________________________________________
One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak
to the head hog at the trough?"
The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm
sorry, who?"
The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the
trough?"
She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer
to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to
him as the 'head hog at the trough'!"
To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving
$1000 to the building fund...."
To this the secretary quickly responded
"Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!"
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
I'm all out of blunders right now. I'm sorry.
Maybe you could print my suggestion for others
to send in theirs?
Noella
____________________________________________________

People are awesome!

Today, November 21, in
1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship discharged
the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on December 26, 1620.
1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air balloon.
The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and Francois Laurent,
Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes and 5½ miles over Paris.
1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter.
1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his phonograph.
1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first art exhibit.
1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened.
1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quarantine measures
against Cuba.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt,
announced the presence of an 18½-minute gap in one of the White
House tape recordings related to the Watergate case.
1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by a
mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans.
1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino in
Las Vegas, NV.
1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in Oakdale,
LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility and took hostages.
1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused
to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual
advances toward 10 women in past years.
1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia that
was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian
"safe area" of Bihac.
1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast at a
test site in the South Pacific.
1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned space
capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight.
2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request to keep
the presidential recounts going.
2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers,
software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the poorest
schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part of a deal to
settle most of the company's private antitrust lawsuits.
2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, Romania,
Slovakia and Slovenia to become members.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

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not just computers and tablets!

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Non-American citizen arrested for voting in Texas —
FIVE times
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 20, in
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and
Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
The only function of economic forecasting is to make
astrology look respectable.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A teacher observed a boy entering the classroom with dirty
hands. She stopped him and said, "Johnny, please wash
your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into
the room with hands like that?"
With a smile the boy replied, "I think I'd be too polite to
mention it."
______________________________________________________
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice.
Would you please do my math homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't
be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "Why don't you
at least try ? Mom can help you with it."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Rosa Maria Ortega,
35,
Somerset,
Texas
Non-American citizen arrested for voting in Texas —
FIVE times – faces up to 20 years
A Texas woman, who is not a citizen of the United States,
was arrested Friday for having illegally voted in Dallas
County — five times.
Rosa Maria Ortega, 35, is presently a resident of the
Tarrant County Jail, where she is being held on a
$10,000 bond, according to the Dallas-Fort Worth NBC
affiliate Channel 5 News, which reported:
Ortega is married to an American and is living legally in
this country, but is not a citizen and therefore, not
qualified to vote, said Harry White, who supervises public
integrity and white collar crime investigations for the
Tarrant County District Attorney.
Ortega applied to vote in Tarrant County and acknowledged
on the application form that she was not a citizen, White
said. The county rejected her application and notified her
she was not qualified to vote.
Having learned her lesson that only American citizens may
vote in Texas, she re-applied five months later, this time
claiming to be a U.S. citizen.
Although Ortega never voted in Tarrant country, records
indicate that she did so five times in neighboring Dallas
county — the earliest in a 2004 Republican primary, the
latest in the 2014 Republican primary.
Her charges — illegal voting — is a second degree felony,
punishable by a two to 20 year prison sentence.
A running battle between Republicans and Democrats is centered
on voter ID laws. More than 30 states currently have some form
of voter ID requirement.
Republicans claim that such laws are necessary as a protection
against voter fraud.
Democrats claim stories of voter fraud are overblown and voter
ID laws amount to voter suppression.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Desk height for typing
Dear Webby,
A kitchen table is between 29-30 inches high and a desk is
about 27 inches high. For the keyboard it needs the pull-out
tray that is at 25 inches from the floor.
Noella
Dear Noella
For somebody as cute as you are, those numbers are probably
qite OK. For the rest of us, the guidelines are:
(For fastest typing speed without causing discomfort
or carpal injury)
Back straight, upper arms straight perpendicular,
forearms level when the heel of the palm rests on the
wrist rest of the keyboard.
Luckily nowadays office chairs are cheaper than kitchen
chairs and are adjustable in height.
For Web-TVers and "Slouch-on-the-couch" FB activists those
guidelines of course need to be adjusted a bit.
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Joe was on the phone and told his wife what a lousy day
it'd been. She asked, "Will you be joining me in the hot tub
tonight?"
"Wow, how sweet. What a lovely way to spend an evening,"
he thought. He was just about to tell her how considerate and
wonderful she was being when she continued:
"'Cuz, if you're not, I need to start adding more water to the
tub."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Rib-Eye and Roasted Garlic Vegetables
This is a nice "put it in the oven and forget it" meal.
The meat melts like butter in your mouth. It's so good.
We found mixed mini potatoes on sale at the store instead
of red potatoes and I forgot to put the onions in the bag,
when I made the roast this time. It was still tasty and
my kids did a better job eating it, so I might leave them
out on purpose next time :)
I really love the oven bags for easy meals. Rib-Eye Roast
can be VERY expensive so keep an eye out for sales and you
can always opt to use a cheaper cut of meat.
Approximate Time: 2 1/4 hours
Yield: 8
Ingredients:
1 large Reynolds Oven Bag
1 Tbsp flour
1 1/2 tsp oregano
3/4 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp salt
3-3 1/2 lb ribeye roast
1 1/2 lb small red potatoes, halved (I didn't half them)
1 pkg (16 oz) baby carrots
2 med. onions (I forgot them)
1 whole bulb garlic, unpeeled
1 Tbsp butter
additional salt and pepper to taste
Steps:
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
Shake flour in oven bag. Place bag inside a large baking pan.
Rub raw beef with oregano, pepper, and salt. Place beef in bag.
Arrange veggies in an even layer around roast.
Add extra salt and pepper if desired (I would recommend it).
Cut 1 inch off the top of the garlic bulb and place in bag.
I placed it top down on top of the meat.
Close bag and cut 6 - 1/2 inch slits in the top of the bag.
Cook for 1 1/2 - 1 3/4 hours or until meat thermometer reads
145 degrees (this took closer to 2 hours).
Let meat rest for 10 minutes before slicing.
Place vegetables and garlic in bowl and toss with 1 Tbsp. butter.
Serve as a side with the sliced meat. I also served with green
beans for some color and extra nutrition.
Source: Reynolds
By Stephanie [154]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing
by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads,
"The End is Near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
"Get lost, you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he
sped by.
From around the curve they heard screeching tires and
a big splash. "Do you think," said one to the other,
"it's maybe bad luck to use the back of a Madonna poster,
or maybe we should instead put it in not so religious terms
and make a sign that just says 'Bridge Out' ?"
___________________________________________________

the story of Jonah - told in the cutest way

the story of Jonah - told in the cutest way
____________________________________________________
We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our
Comparative Religions course. Our instructor told us about a
woman who was contacted by police to assist in a
missing-persons case. "She gave eerily detailed instructions
on where to find the body," the teacher said. "In fact, the
detectives did find the body just as she had described. Now
what would you call that kind of person?"
While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's officer
taking the course raised his hand and replied, "A suspect."
____________________________________________________
The spammers from bratan.org sent me some spam asking me
to sign their petition that the death penalty for murderers and
terrorists be abolished.
I told them, quite the opposite, it should be kept,
and that spammers should be burned at the stake.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
My bosses finally got new computers and were figuring out
how to use them. A few days later, my boss called me into
her office and asked if I could show her how to draw a
line.
Thinking she wanted something exotic, I searched for a
way to draw a line for her. Turned out, all she wanted
was to add a line after a prompt for filling in the
name, like this: ____________________
On her typewriter you could only backspacen and then
underline actualtext but not empty spaces.
So I introduced her to that new key on the keyboard.
Noella
____________________________________________________

Creepy vintage ads.
What were they thinking?!?!

Today, November 20, in
1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent of Spain.
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and
Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary.
1910 Francisco I. Madero led a revolution that broke out in Mexico.
1929 The radio program "The Rise of the Goldbergs," later known
as "The Goldbergs," made its debut on the NBC Blue Network.
1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on
Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes tribunal
in Nuremberg, Germany.
1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten,
Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey.
1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark and
Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed its
missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its blockade of
the island.
1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in Washington,
DC, went past 200 million.
1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential use
of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the substance.
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to
address Israel's parliament.
1980 On Jefferson Island, Louisiana, an oil rig in Lake Pigneur
pierced the top of the salt dome beneath the island. The
freshwater lake completely drained within a few hours. The
Delcambre Canal reversed flow and two days later the previous
freshwater lake was a 1,300-foot-deep saltwater lake.
1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the controversial
ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie depicted the outbreak
of nuclear war.
1986 The one billionth Little Golden Book was printed.
The title was The Poky Little Puppy.
1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague,
Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms.
1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into
the country of Kuwait.
1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor
Castle in England.
1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in
Zambia to end 19 years of war.
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince Charles
in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television.
1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden
safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating
two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist attacks
on New York City and the Pentagon.
1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of
health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry also
agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Pennsylvania woman who got 2 DUIs same night,
same car.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 19, in
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It
resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Our great democracies still tend to think that a
stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
______________________________________________________
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work
cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young
woman entered. She was so striking that the man could
not take his eyes away from her. The young woman
noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly
toward him.
Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude,
the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything,
absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter
how kinky, for $100 on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you
want me to do in just three words."
The man considered her proposition for a moment,
withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted
out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young
woman's hand.
He looked deeply into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully
said, "Clean my house."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dad for this picture:
These bloomed today
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Michele Leonard,
47,
Somerset,
Pennsylvania
Pennsylvania woman who got 2 DUIs same night,
same car.
Pennsylvania State police say they've arrested a woman for
two different drunken driving crashes in the same day.
Troopers from Somerset say Michele Leonard, of Somerset,
crashed her car about 5 p.m. Saturday.
She was arrested, charged with drunken driving and then
released.
Police say that's when Leonard offered a stranger $3 for a
ride back to her crashed vehicle, which she entered and
began driving again.
Police say Leonard again lost control of the car, and
sideswiped a parked car in Somerset Township about 6 p.m.,
then crashed into a garage, which she destroyed along with
a pick-up parked in it and thousands of dollars worth of
special tools.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Donna
Re: Ergo Keyboard
Dear Webby,
For the lady with the keyboard problem with her laptop...
as a former personal trainer regular keyboards and laptop
keyboards especially being so small are terrible for your
wrists, causing pinches nerves and are just carpal tunnel
waiting to happen. Just look at the angle of your inner
wrist as you try to type! My suggestion would be an
ergonomic keyboard. Yes they take some getting used to
(after two weeks about 10 years ago, I was ready to pitch
mine out the window...learning that for 30 years I had been
typing the letter N with the wrong finger!)...but I
perservered. The light bulb went on after about two weeks,
and not only did my wrists quit hurting but my typing speed
improved. I agree with you that cost should not be an issue,
my Microsoft Ergo Keyboards lasted over 10 years and are
still functional.
Donna
Dear Donna
Microsoft was afraid of getting hit with class action law
suits and commissioned the research and development for
their Ergonomical keyboard. Because of the ridiculous
pricing those didn't really catch on, but they sure
protected Microsoft from lawsuits.
With a reasonable price and an adjustable curvature, they
would have been successful, but even as they are, they are
still available for people with carpal tunnel syndrome or
other wrist injuries, and who get somebody else to pay for
the insane $75 - $120 price for $1.49 worth of plastic.
There are some split keyboards available at reasonable cost,
that are very good if somebody has a wrist injury.
Up until the 80's, when there were still typing pools and
fast typists, they said that a keyboard should be as wide
as the typist's shoulders. Well, all the 120 wpm typists
have retired, and wide keyboards are getting very scarce.
Personally, I just use a wide Kensington keyboard and a
slick wrist rest as high as the keyboard. That works well
for me.
The wrist rest is very important. A 1"x 4" board sanded
and varnished works just fine, especially when sprayed
with Moly mold release or furniture spray to make it
nice and slick on top, and sticky drawer liner mesh
underneath. You would really be surprised how that makes
typing effortless and painless even after an injury.
And faster too.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Jill heard her husband come back into the house not too long
after he had left.
She said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge
meeting."
"It was postponed." he replied. "The wife of the Grand
Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate won't let him attend
until he finishes doing the laundry."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bag Top as Instant Twist Ties
How many times have you looked for a twist tie to keep a
bag closed? Well look no more. Now all you do is cut the
entire top of the product bag off and use that for the
twist tie. An instant twist tie right at your fingertips.
By Suzzy-cue B. [2]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
One evening after dinner, Little Johnny noticed that his mother
had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?"
Dad told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."
This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he
asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?"
Little Johnny's father had always given his son honest answers,
so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach.
"Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies
sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."
Little Johnny burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," Little Johnny
said. "I'm not THAT silly. Mom always says that Tupperware is
the cheapest at Walmart! What are they really doing?"
___________________________________________________

five guys playing one piano

five guys playing one piano
____________________________________________________
A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival
meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would
secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove
in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would
shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the
rafters would dutifully release the dove.
At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the
preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised
his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!"
Still no sign of the dove.
Then preacher heard the anxious voice of a small boy call
down from the rafters:
"Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit.
Shall I throw down the cat?"
____________________________________________________
A young married couple lived in a cheap housing complex.
Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and
that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one
morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was
downstairs on the telephone.
She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her
neighbor.
"Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet
paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
I readied my camera to be sent off for repairs, put it in
the original box, wrapped and put the address label on it.
However, I had to open the package up to put in the check
I forgot, resealed the box and took it to the post office
where I bought insurance (for a $2,000 camera) and postage
and got it mailed off.
Later that afternoon, one of the twins came home from school
with really bad grades on a paper. I spent 30 minutes telling
him how he needed to pay attention to what he was doing as
most of his mistakes were from not paying attention to what
he was doing or reading.
After the lecture, I sent him out to play and sat down at my
desk pondering how can I impress upon him the importance of
paying attention to what he’s doing. As I was in the midst of
my thinking, I started cleaning my desk and it was then that
I noticed my camera sitting there on the desk. It was then I
realized I mailed and insured an empty box. Well, that’s not
quite right, there is paperwork and the $10 check in the box.
Noella
____________________________________________________

History of the swastika symbol. It was used for centuries until Hitler made it a bad thing.

Today, November 19, in
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It
resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War.
1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address
as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the
Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania.
1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published in
the Sunday New York World.
1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. Blaisdell.
1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with a
vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority
was needed for ratification.
1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the
first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito.
1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their winter
offensive against the Germans along the Don front.
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service on
the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey.
1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production of
the unpopular Edsel.
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made
man's second landing on the moon.
1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria.
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader
to set foot in Israel on an official visit.
1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil.
1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression.
1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel
Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia.
1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey.
It was only the second known case where all seven were
born alive.
1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began.
1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard"
sold at auction for more than $71 million.
2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank
off northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons
of fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed
about 150 miles out to sea.
2007 The Amazon Kindle was first released.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida Woman, who Battered Beau Over Sex Position Dispute
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 17, in
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the
Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed
in England.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.
--- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - )
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to
the airline check-in counter.
As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile
of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the
piano, too?"
"Are you trying to be funny?" she replied.
"No, I really wish you had" he sighed.
"I left the tickets on it."
--------
No problem nowadays with e-tickets. Just print out
a new one at one of those things that look half way
between R2D2 and a fire hydrant.
______________________________________________________
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find
his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the
matter?" he asks.
"Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I
cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out
the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back
from answering the phone," she sobbed again,
"I found that the cat had eaten it!"
"Don't worry, darling," said her husband.
"Don't cry. We'll get a new cat in the morning."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Moe for this picture:
Go look at it before ISIS blows it up!
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Wendy Luper,
45,
Clermont,
Florida
Florida Woman Battered Beau Over Sex Position Dispute
Wendy Luper, 45, Florida woman was arrested Saturday evening
following an bizarre series of events that began with a trip
to a storage unit with her ex-husband (with whom Luper has
recently reunited).
According to cops, Luper and Michael Vaccaro--who were married
for 12 years--drove together to retrieve some of his belongings
from their storage unit in Bradenton.
While parked in the rear of the facility, “Luper got undressed,
and asked Vaccaro if he wanted to have sexual intercourse,”
police reported. “Vaccaro agreed, and told Luper to lay down.”
But Luper, a court filing notes, “did not want to have sexual
intercourse in that position and stated no.” It is unclear
where the pair was planning to tryst, or the position that was
rejected by Luper
During a subsequent argument, Luper allegedly struck Vaccaro in
the head with a thrown object. As Vaccaro sought to remove some
of his belongings from the car’s rear seat, Luper allegedly
accelerated the auto “with Vaccaro still half way inside the
vehicle.” As Vaccaro “pulled out of the vehicle,” Luper drove
over his right foot.
When cops arrived at the scene, Vaccaro was bleeding from a head
wound and his right foot appeared to be swelling. After being
contacted by police, Luper returned to the vicinity of the
storage facility. “She was unable to explain” Vaccaro’s injuries,
noted police, who added that she “stated Vaccaro wanted to have
sex with her.”
Seen above, Luper, who works as a housekeeper, was arrested for
domestic battery. She was booked into jail on the misdemeanor
charge and released from custody yesterday after posting $750 bond.
Luper was busted in August for domestic battery after she allegedly
punched Vaccaro in the face, neck, and arm after he ignored her
request to do laundry. Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue
the misdemeanor charge against Luper.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Keyboard slant for laptop
Dear Webby,
SUGGESTION FOR ANNIE WHOSE LAPTOP IS UNCOMFORTABLE.
I ROLLED UP SOME RUBBERMAID SHELF LINER & TIED IT TO
SECURE SHAPE WHEN I FOUND THE RIGHT HEIGHT TO PROP THE
BACK END OF THE LAPTOP ONTO. GIVES IT A SLANT TO MAKE
TYPING A WHOLE LOT EASIER. MAYBE SHE CAN TRY THIS TOO.
BONNIE IN NH
Dear Bonnie
If the slant is the problem, then your suggestion is
an excellent idea.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Jane got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive
driving course to have points erased from her license. The
instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time
was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when
each session began.
Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked
door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"
The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket
and was pulled over for being slower than the flow of traffic."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mango "Ice Cream"
I saw this recipe on Pinterest and had to try it. I
actually had all the ingredients. It's super quick to make.
It's a lot easier than homemade ice cream. My kids can't
stop eating it! I love that there is no added sugar.
It's delicious!
Approximate Time: 5 minutes
Yield: about 4 servings
Ingredients:
8 oz frozen mangos
1/2 cup cream or coconut milk
a splash of milk
a pinch of salt
Steps:
Add your mango to the food processor.
Mango "Ice Cream"
Pour in the cream or coconut milk and a pinch of salt.
Start the food processor on the low setting. Stop the
machine and scrape the sides.
Mine was a little dry and needed more moisture. I poured
in a splash of milk until it was ice cream consistency.
Scoop out and eat right away or freeze. It's a little
hard when it comes out of the freezer. We let ours sit
for a few minutes to soften.
Source: Coco's Well
Link: cocoswell.com/mangosoftserve
By Becky Miles [84]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Ethel is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and
asks for a scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the
cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."
The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you
a drink. In fact, this one is on me."
As Ethel finishes her drink, the woman to her right says,
"I would like to buy you a drink, too."
Ethel says, "Thank you.
Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water.
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says,
"I would like to buy you one, too."
Again Ethel says, "Thank you.
Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of
water."
"Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the
drink he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch
with only two drops of water?"
Ethel replied, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to
hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue."
___________________________________________________

- Big cats like boxes

Big cats like boxes
____________________________________________________
A local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new
dentures made a few weeks ago.
The first Sunday after that, his sermon lasted 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.
But, on the third Sunday he preached for an hour and a half.
I asked him about this.
He then told me
"Well, that first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were still hurting a lot.
But the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's
dentures and I couldn't stop talking!"
____________________________________________________
In primitive society, when native tribes dressed up in
mismatched colors that hurt the eyes, beat the ground with
clubs in an embarrassing manner, and yelled and screamed in
ways that hurt the ears, it was called witchcraft;
today, it is called golf.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Note to Self: When making vocabulary, spelling, grammar
and formatting corrections to a template letter at your
new job, make sure the person you are passing the
updates by is not its author.
Noella
____________________________________________________

A very touching story in music and memories.

Today, November 18, in
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the
Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed
in England.
1820 Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American to
sight the continent of Antarctica.
1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog
of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the
New York "Saturday Press."
1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones.
1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S.
rights to build the Panama Canal.
1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force
in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. The
offensive began on July 1, 1916.
1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon
premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie,"
starring Mickey Mouse.
1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of
Francisco Franco.
1959 William Wyler's "Ben-Hur" premiered at Loew's Theater in
New York City's Times Square.
1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against
eating meat on Fridays.
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and
Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second
manned mission to the moon.
1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established
a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship.
1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium
for use in nuclear weapons.
1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record division
to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion.
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation provided the
death penalty for drug traffickers who kill.
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate in
approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities,
staff and patients.
1993 American Airlines flight attendants went on strike. They ended
their strike only 4 days later.
2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console in the
United States.
2015 smiled.

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman, who was arrested after calling 911
for wings, smokes
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 17, in
1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean
and the Red seas.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,
your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
--- George Carlin
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in
session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Rina, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a
good paying job. The company boss asked various questions
about her and her education, but then asked her, out of the
blue, "What is three times seven?"
"22," Rina replied. After she left, she double-checked it on her
calculator (she *knew* she should have taken it to the
interview!) and realized she wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, she got a letter that said she was hired
for the job! She was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth,
but was still very curious. The next day, she went in and asked
why she got the job,even though she got such a simple question
wrong.
The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
______________________________________________________
When Columbus came to America, there were no taxes, no
debts, no pollution, no rush hour.
The women did all the work, while the men sat around
and smoked pipes, and went hunting or fishing whenever
anybody mentioned cleaning up the yard or fixing the
teepee.
Ever since then, a bunch of do-gooders have been trying to
"improve" the place.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Liann Gae Watson,
45,
Clermont,
Florida
Florida woman arrested after calling 911
for wings, smokes
A woman in Lake County, Florida, is facing charges after she
allegedly called 911 for chicken wings.
Liann Gae Watson, 45, is accused of calling 911 Wednesday
afternoon and telling the operator she wanted chicken wings
and cigarettes, ClickOrlando.com reports.
The responding officers reported that, when they showed up at
Watson's home in Clermont, she said she had been drinking and
was unable to drive, so she called 911 for the items, according
to SouthLakePress.com.
The wing-craving woman also kept asking to bum a cigarette and
tried to get the deputies to drive her to get some, reports
the Orlando Sentinel.
Watson kept switching between hysterical laughter and hysterical
crying and yelling during her conversation with police,
according to the arrest report.
Watson was then taken into custody on charges of misusing the
911 system.
On the way to the Lake County Jail, Watson kept smacking the
partition in the squad car with her head and shoulders,
kicked her legs into the air and cursed and screamed,
according to a police report obtained by WESH.com.
The suspect was given four warnings to stop and when she
didn't, she was hog-tied to prevent her from hurting
herself.
Watson has been charged with one count of misusing the
911 system. She was later released after posting
$1,000 bail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Annie
Re: Keyboard for laptop
Dear Webby,
My laptop is really hurting my wrists. You have mentioned
a few times that you lug a regular size keyboard with you
even into the desert. What kind of keyboard would I need
for my Acer Aspire 8735 ?
Thanks
Annie
Dear Annie
Any keypoad, that is comfortable for your hands would work.
Go to any computer store and demand to try out their
keyboards, not just look at the box.
Some of them look very nice, but have mushy keys, that will
tire you out fast. Look for a light key action, but not too
light. You don't want it to start typing when you just rest
fingers on the keys. Ideally, you would want a bit of initial
resistance or push against your fingers, and then snap home
with a "tactile click". You should get a noticeable feel
of the key slamming home. That is especially important if
you are reading text or numbers and typing them in without
watching the screen.
Just play with them until you find one you like.
Don't look at the price! Your wrists are worth a lot more
than the difference between the cheapest and the most
expensive keyboard, especially since the difference in
price is less than what a wrist bandage costs.
Regarding compatibility: They all work.
Wireless is of course more expensive, but unless you want
to slouch on the couch and use the big TV screen as your
monitor, you can usually save money by using a regular,
wired keyboard. Higher quality keyboards like a Kensignton
will let you type faster and will last longer. Even though
they are more expensive initially, because they last
much longer than no-name bargain keybolards, they wind up
saving you money.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being
heckled by fans.
But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an
exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long
search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located
a room with a neatly lettered sign:
"Dressing Room, Umpires Only."
As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign
more closely. Below the printed legend was the same
message... written in Braille.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mango "Ice Cream"
I saw this recipe on Pinterest and had to try it. I
actually had all the ingredients. It's super quick to make.
It's a lot easier than homemade ice cream. My kids can't
stop eating it! I love that there is no added sugar.
It's delicious!
Approximate Time: 5 minutes
Yield: about 4 servings
Ingredients:
8 oz frozen mangos
1/2 cup cream or coconut milk
a splash of milk
a pinch of salt
Steps:
Add your mango to the food processor.
Mango "Ice Cream"
Pour in the cream or coconut milk and a pinch of salt.
Start the food processor on the low setting. Stop the
machine and scrape the sides.
Mine was a little dry and needed more moisture. I poured
in a splash of milk until it was ice cream consistency.
Scoop out and eat right away or freeze. It's a little
hard when it comes out of the freezer. We let ours sit
for a few minutes to soften.
Source: Coco's Well
Link: cocoswell.com/mangosoftserve
By Becky Miles [84]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
On the last day of class, the professor wished the students
luck as he wrote a phone number on the blackboard.
"If any of you have difficulty understanding the review material,
call this number," he said as he dismissed the class.
On Saturday afternoon, stumped by one of the review problems,
Don reached for the phone and heard a recorded message,
from Dial-A-Prayer.
___________________________________________________

What Has Four Legs, Four Eyes, and Will Blow Your Mind?

What Has Four Legs, Four Eyes, and Will Blow Your Mind?
____________________________________________________
Driving home from the store one day, the father tuned the
radio to a country and western station.
"How can you stand that stuff?" complained his 16-year-old
son. "It's all about lonesome cowboys, gunfights and broken
hearts."
The father countered with: "If all members of a band that
plays Your style of music were playing the same song at the
same time, what would they be singing about?"
"They don't. If they did, it would just be boring
country music!"
____________________________________________________
Daffinition:
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
If electricity comes from electrons,
does that mean that morality comes from morons?
The reason old firehalls have circular stairways is from
the days when the fire engines were pulled by horses.
They kept the horses from walking up the stairs and eating the
firefighters lunches while they slept.
You might be wondering why they called their vehicles
"engines" if they were pulled by horses. The "engine" was the
steam engine powered pump.
Re horses walking up stairs, did you know that horses can
walk DOWN stairs too, but cows won't ? If you decide that it
might be a fun graduation prank to herd some cows upstairs to
the admin or even the dean's level like we did, they have to
be sedated and CARRIED down the stairs.
After that, sometimes the staff usually needed to be
sedated too.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
>From DW
One time about twenty years ago I was in Nashville for a
brief visit to a town near there. On the way back I decided
to go visit the Outback Steak House. I thought I could find
it after having seen it from the air. Well, no such luck.
So I asked a friendly local.
"Ohh, you jess drive down this here road to where the ol
firehall was, the one thet berned down a few years ago, and
hang a left right there ann go up to wehre they are plannin
to build a McDonalds next year. From there you could jess
about see it if that big ol school was not in the way."
Great! Thank you Ma'am.
I went back to the hotel and cranked up MapQuest.
Noella
____________________________________________________

Our nurses today think they have it rough! These ladies were really dedicated to the nursing profession!

Today, November 17, in
1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death
of Queen Mary Tudor.
1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason.
1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67.
1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide
while in jail awaiting execution.
1800 The U.S. Congress held its first session in Washington, DC,
in the partially completed Capitol building.
1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean
and the Red seas.
1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups
Bolsheviks and Mensheviks.
1904 The first underwater submarine journey was taken, from
Southampton, England, to the Isle of Wight.
1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel
through the Panama Canal.
1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces from
dancing the tango.
1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R.
1962 Washington's Dulles International Airport was dedicated
by U.S. President Kennedy.
1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled
vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was
released by Luna 17.
1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 female
and black American hostages being held at the U.S. Embassy
in Tehran.
1982 The Empire State Building was added to the National Register
of Historical Places.
1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an Islamic
country. She was elected in the first democratic elections in
Pakistan in 11 years.
1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the River
Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be those of World
War II prisoners of war.
1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside the
Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers were
killed by police.
2006 Sony's PlayStation 3 went on sale in the United States.
2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was the first
time humans had trapped antimatter.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
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not just computers and tablets!

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to
New York robbers, who were arrested when cops followed
their trail of spilled macaroni salad
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 16, in
1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the
American Revolution.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
He who is good at making excuses,
is seldom good for anything else.
--- Socratex
With love and patience, nothing is impossible.
--- Daisaku Ikeda
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an
important deal, went to church to pray for the money. By
chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to
pay an urgent debt.
The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the
other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the
church. The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed,
"And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention . . ."
______________________________________________________
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say
you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried
about your taste in socks?"
"That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks."
"But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people
prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact,
I myself like wool socks."
"You DO?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a
squeeze of lemon?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Matthew P. Sapetko, 34,
James P. Marullo, 35,
Timothy S. Walker Jr., 23
Mt. Morris,
New York,
3 Robbers arrested after cops follow a trail of macaroni salad
Never trust the macaroni salad. It'll turn on you when you
least expect it.
This, after police in Mt. Morris, New York, apprehended three
burglary suspects Sunday by following a trail of macaroni salad
they left behind while making their getaway.
In a release published Monday morning, the Livingston County
Sheriff's Office reports thieves broke in and stole a cash
register from Build-A-Burger Restaurant, along with the
establishment's entire surveillance system and a large bowl
of macaroni salad.
Deputies were hot on the criminals' trail, literally, as
they attempted to escape via the nearby Greenway Trail.
"Found along the trail were cash register parts, surveillance
system parts, rubber gloves, loose change and a steady trail
of macaroni salad," the sheriff's office said. "It was later
discovered that the suspects stole a large bowl of macaroni
salad, which they took turns eating, along their escape route."
Officers arrested Matthew P. Sapetko, 34, James P. Marullo,
35, and Timothy S. Walker Jr., 23, by early Sunday afternoon.
The three have been charged with third-degree burglary,
third-degree criminal mischief and fourth-degree grand larceny.
Walker faces additional charges for criminal possession of a
controlled substance, say police.
Per the Democrat & Chronicle, the three have been booked into
the Livingston County Jail. Most of the stolen property has
been recovered.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Not getting Noella's Videos
Dear Webby,
OK, I'M BACK TO NOT GETTING NOELLA'S VIDEOS. WHAT SHOULD
I BE DOING IN MY SETTINGS TO FIX THIS, ANY IDEA?
BONNIE
Dear Bonnie
The videos worg fine even from the letter you forwarded.
I will add a plain text link for you.
Let me know how that works out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon
a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12
years of age.
The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys may be
hurting the dog, the clergyman approached the group of boys
and asked, "What are you doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood
stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home.
So we have decided that, whichever one of us can tell the
biggest lie, will get to keep the dog."
Of course, the reverend was taken aback and exclaimed, "You
boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!"
Then he launched into a ten minute sermon against lying,
beginning with, "Don't you boys know that it is a sin to lie," and
ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the
reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them,
the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said,
"All right, the Rev gets the dog.
There is no way we can top that."
______________________________________________________
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please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Squeeze Bottle for D.E. Application
I found a cheap and easy way for spreading food grade
diatomaceous earth. A squeeze bottle makes it easy to dust
under leaves and hard to reach places to kill bugs. It works
really well in the chicken coop for getting into the places
any chicken lice could hide. It also works well for killing
fleas in the carpet. Just buy a plastic condiments squeeze
bottle, add some diatomaceous earth, and squeeze away. It
has quite a range too! The one I bought was $0.80 at a
local store. I like the squeeze bottles with a cap, so
that it stays dry between uses.
By Bella Blue [46]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
When a job applicant asked if the phone company had a
fitness program, the human resources manager replied,
"Oh, our employees don't need one. They are routinely
jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, beating around
the bush, running down the boss, going around in circles,
dragging their feet, dodging responsibility, passing the buck,
climbing the ladder, hiding the paperwork, pulling strings,
throwing their weight around, stretching the truth, bending the
rules, stabbing others in their backs and pushing their luck!"
___________________________________________________

Men's brains vs women's brains

Men's brains vs women's brain
____________________________________________________
"Mom, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or
sisters who will be coming to school."
"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did
she say when you told her you are the only child?"
She just said, "Thank goodness!"
____________________________________________________
A company in Annapolis, MD, offers tours through the historic
district of the town, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing.
While leading a group, Dave, one of the guides, tripped and
fell, breaking his wrist.
He went to the hospital, and as he sat in the emergency room,
a policeman walked by.
Doing a double take at Dave in his 18th-century garb, he
asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?"
____________________________________________________
Couples who have lived together a long time have their own
way of communicating. A woman overheard her aunt and
uncle one day:
"What are you looking for in that closet?" he asked.
"Nothing," she answered.
"Well, it's not in there. Look under the bed."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Remember when we had to defrost our freezers? The way I did it was heat
a pan of water, place it in the freezer and along with a hair dryer,
start chipping at the ice with a hammer and thick knife or even a
screwdriver. It went really fast. One day I was chipping away and was
almost done. I loved getting that last big piece of ice out. But then I
heard a funny sound – like a hiss! It kept hissing and hissing, then
finally stopped. Needless to say, the next phone call was to the repair
man. He probably loved people tried to do it the "easy" way. I am so, so
thankful for frost-free freezers.
Noella
____________________________________________________

These ski masks are wild!

Today, November 16, in
1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the
American Revolution.
1885 Canadian rebel Louis Riel was executed for high treason.
1915 Coca-Cola had its prototype for a countoured bottle
patented. The bottle made its commercial debut the next year.
1933 The United States and the Soviet Union established
diplomatic relations for the first time.
1952 In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football
for Charlie Brown.
1966 Dr. Samuel H. Sheppard was acquitted in his second trial
of charges he had murdered his pregnant wife, Marilyn, in 1954.
1969 The U.S. Army announced that several had been charged with
massacre and the subsequent cover-up in the My Lai massacre in
Vietnam on March 16, 1968.
1973 Skylab 3 carrying a crew of three astronauts, was launched
from Cape Canaveral, FL, on an 84-day mission.
1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure into law.
That pipeline is still working fine.
1981 A vaccine for hepatitis B was approved. The vaccine had been
developed at Merck Institute for Therapeutic Research.
1985 Colonel Oliver North was put in charge of the shipment of
HAWK anti-aircraft missiles to Iran.
1988 Estonia's parliament declared that the Baltic republic
"sovereign," but stopped short of complete independence.
1997 China released Wei Jingsheng, a pro-democracy dissident
from jail for medical reasons. He had been incarcerated for
almost 18 years.
1998 In Burlington, WIsconsin, five high school students,
aged 15 to 16, were arrested in an alleged plot to kill a
carefully selected group of teachers and students.
1998 It was announced that Monica Lewinsky had signed a deal
for the North American rights to a book about her affair
with U.S. President Clinton.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that union members could file
discrimination lawsuits against employers even when labor
contracts require arbitration.
1999 Chrica Adams, the pregnant girlfriend of Rae Carruth, was
shot four times in her car. She died a month later from her
wounds. The baby survived. Carruth was sentenced to a minimum
of 18 years and 11 months in prison for his role in the murder.
2000 Bill Clinton became the first serving U.S. president to
visit Communist Vietnam.
2004 A NASA unmanned "scramjet" (X-43A) reached a speed of nearly
10 times the speed of sound above the Pacific Ocean.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Chicago woman, who was arrested for Denny's pancake rage
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 15, in
1889 Brazil's monarchy was overthrown.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves
to be like other people.
--- Arthur Schopenhauer
Ask not what you can do for your country.
Ask what's for lunch.
--- Orson Welles
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
When Little Johnny's family moved into their new
house, a visiting relative asked him how he liked the
new place.
"It's great!" he said. "I have my own room, Billy has
his own room, and Betty-Sue has her own room.
WE can have fun! But poor dad is still stuck in with mom."
______________________________________________________
A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears.
"Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for
dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe
exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's
the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right,
and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for
George because he loves meat loaf. What could have
gone wrong?"
Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go
through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me
exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll
figure it out."
"OK," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, ' Take fifty
cents worth of ground beef '..."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to dad for this one:
This one bloomed today
______________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Natasha West
27,
Oak Lawn,
Chicago,
Illinois
Chicago woman, who was arrested for Denny's pancake rage
Natasha West, 27, is facing assault and property damage
charges after becoming unhinged when a Denny’s waitress
explained that she was not allowed to share her $4
all-you-can-eat pancake special with her friends.
West was dining Friday at a Denny’s in Oak Lawn, a Chicago
suburb, when a server explained that the unlimited pancake
offer was good for a single diner.
This did not sit well with West, who claimed that she was
apparently was under the impression that her $4 bought
everyone at the table an unending pancake bounty.
According to the Oak Lawn Police Department, West cursed
at the waitress and threw several punches at the employee
(though the blows did not land). West and her party then
left Denny’s without paying their tab, but not before she
repeatedly kicked a door on the way out.
Pictured above, West was subsequently collared after
Denny’s workers gave police a description of the car in
which she and her pals fled.
West was charged with assault and damage to property.
One of West’s friends, Jerome Ivory, 31, was busted for
providing police with false identification.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Finally got Malwarebytes
Dear Webby,
Finally got Maleware Bytes downloaded and ran it.
Found lots and lots of PUP's and one bad thing, but it
wasn't that browser.e thing I wrote you about. Got rid of
everything. Had lots of 'sharing' going on. Hope this took
care of it. I remember Maleware bytes being free and all
the time. This is only for 14 days trial. When did it change?
Thanks for recommending this as I couldn't be sure superanti
to work correctly, but will try to run it again when I restart
my machine and will definitely run Maleware again befor the
trial period is over
Wendy
Dear Wendy
There is more to live than being a fanatic about free stuff.
You should have learned that by now.
All the stuff Malwarebytes cleaned out, had been attached
to supposedly free stuff.
Save your couch coins and by month end you can afford to
buy MalWareBytes.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
An out-of-towner in New York decided to revisit an
uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the
city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he
said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first
came in here."
"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried
waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reusing Creamer Bottles with New Lids
I go through the local recycling center at my mobile home
park. I do this for two reasons. One is because people just
don't read the numbers in the triangle and toss in those
plastics we can't recycle in Douglas County anymore.
The other is to save coffee and creamer containers, and all
others that I can use for food storage. Once washed, they
are perfect for keeping critters out. So today's tip is
that sometimes, you can still use something even though the
lid is missing.
I find these creamer bottles without the tops and replace
them with juice container lids. Still useful, clear and
ready to fill with things like:
rice
beans
soup mixes
pasta
candies
staples like flour or pancake mixes
and more
I love the fact that they are clear and easy to see.
I hope this helps!
By Sandi/Poor But Proud [451]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
"That's a really beautiful fur coat," a friend remarked, "but
don't you pity the poor beast who suffered so that you might
have it?"
The women replied, "Why are you suddenly worried about
my husband?"
___________________________________________________

big boy toys

____________________________________________________
Gene took his beat-up pickup truck to the insurance agent
for a pre-insurance inspection. The receptionist was sent to
look over the truck. Armed with a checklist and a few simple
questions, she breezed through the chore. Then she asked,
"What are the age and make of the vehicle?"
Gene replied, "It's a '65 Ford." Apologetic about its des-
perate condition, he added, "It's an old fossil."
Inside, the office assistant entered the data into her
computer and frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Gene.
"Hmmm," she explained, "the computer won't accept
Ford Fossil."
____________________________________________________
Overheard....
Women don't need conventional tools around the house,
we'll use anything that's handy. But when pounding a nail,
don't use a shoe - shoes cost $40 a pair. A package of
frozen hamburgers costs $3 and you are a lot less likely to
miss the nail and whack your hand. Use the hamburger.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Back in the '70s I had a part-time job working in ER for
Barnes Hospital in St. Louis. After a few months they
transferred me to McMillan ER where ENTs were handled
(Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat). It wasn't as busy, so I
was pretty much by myself when a patient came. My job
was to take them upstairs to the doctor. There was no
triage there at that time. Most of our cases were either
a sore throat or something stuck in their eye.
One night a sore throat came in, I filled out the paperwork
and just as I got ready to take them upstairs, I guy came
in holding his eye. I told him I would be back shortly,
he nodded okay. A few minutes later, I returned and the
man was gone. I soon found out why. He'd gotten up to get
a drink of water and fainted. Someone found him and it
turned out he actually had been shot in the eye. I just
hoped my apology and flowers the next day helped.
Noella
____________________________________________________

Stay away from these hybrids!

Today, November 15, in
1777 The Continental Congress approved the Articles of Confederation
1806 Explorer Zebulon Pike spotted the mountaintop that became known
as Pikes Peak.
1864 Union Gen. William T. Sherman and his troops began their
"March to the Sea" during the U.S. Civil War.
1867 the first stock ticker was unveiled in New York City.
1889 Brazil's monarchy was overthrown.
1901 Miller Reese patented an electrical hearing aid.
1940 The first 75,000 men were called to Armed Forces duty under
peacetime conscription.
1965 The Soviet probe, Venera 3, was launched from Baikonur, Kazakhstan.
On March 1, 1966, it became the first unmanned spacecraft to reach
the surface of another planet when it crashed on Venus.
1966 The flight of Gemini 12 ended successfully as astronauts
James A. Lovell and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin Jr. splashed down safely
in the Atlantic Ocean.
1969 In Washington, DC, a quarter of a million Democrat protesters
staged a demonstration against the Vietnam War.
1985 Britain and Ireland signed an accord giving Dublin an official
consultative role in governing Northern Ireland.
1986 A government tribunal in Nicaragua convicted American Eugene
Hasenfus of charges related to his role in delivering arms to
Contra rebels. He was sentenced to 30 years in prison and was
pardoned a month later.
1986 Ivan F. Boesky, reputed to be the highest-paid person on Wall
Street, faced penalties of $100 million for insider stock trading.
It was the highest penalty ever imposed by the SEC.
1992 Richard Petty drove in the final race of his 35-year career.
1993 A judge in Mineola, NY, sentenced Joey Buttafuoco to six months
in jail for the statutory rape of Amy Fisher. Fisher was serving a
prison sentence for shooting and wounding Buttafuoco's wife, Mary Jo.
1995 Texaco agreed to pay $176 million to settle a
race-discrimination lawsuit.
1999 Representatives from China and the United States signed a major
trade agreement that involved China's membership in the World Trade
Organization (WTO).
2000 Three police officers from the Rampart division of the Los Angeles
police department were convicted on several counts of conspiracy to
obstruct justice. One other officer was acquitted. The case was the
first major case against the anti-gang unit.
2006 Andy Warhol's painting of Communist Party Chairman Mao Zedong
sold for $17.4 million. At the same auction "Orange Marilyn" sold
for $16.2 million and "Sixteen Jackies" sold for $15.6 million.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Notorious Subway Joy-Rider, who was arrested
after he stole a NJ Bus
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 13, in
1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
"Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original,
you will have to ram it down their throats."
--- Howard Aiken
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Robbie for this one:
My Mother taught me STYLE ...
If you don't quit that right now I'm going to hit you so
hard that by the time you wake up your clothes will be out
of style.
______________________________________________________
A young boy about five or six years was talking on the
telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told his
grandparents dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the
twins and Roxie and Billy and Sally and Max-the-dog and
me and Dad are home all alone."
______________________________________________________
Lu, China
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Darius McCollum,
49,
New York,
NY
Notorious Subway Joy-Rider was arrested
after he stole a NJ Bus
Police say a man with a long history of pretending to be
a transit worker and commandeering New York City subway
trains for joy rides has been arrested after stealing a
commercial passenger bus from New Jersey.
The New York Police Department says Darius McCollum was
arrested Wednesday by officers who spotted the bus traveling
down a street in Brooklyn.
McCollum has 29 transit-related arrests,
starting in 1981, when he drove the E train to the World
Trade Center at the age of 15.
Usually he just steals subway trains, but seems to have
switched to buses now.
In 2008, he was arrested for stealing a Trailways bus from
Hoboken, New Jersey.
McCollum is being held at a police station in the Park Slope
section of Brooklyn.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Yolanda
Re: Blank screen on old computer
Dear Webby,
I hope you can help me.Ā Last Saturday I tried to turn
on my computer. The power button lit up and couple of other
buttons did as well.Ā The wifi button stayed off. There is
no sound and has a blank screen. I have tried to unplug from
power source and remove the battery and hold down the power
button. I bought it used 2 years ago, so is it worth fixing
or just scrap it? I'd appreciate your help and advice.
Thank you very much.
Yolanda
Dear Yolanda
That isn't enough information to recommend
any way to fix the problem. However, without
sound or a working screen, it would probably
cost more to fix it than it is worth.
Time to shop for a replacement.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor
came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there
anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a
vasectomy."
"That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your
family?"
"Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it,
15 to 2."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing Foil and Waxed Paper Boxes
I found this idea on Pinterest or here (not sure where,
sorry!) It stated that if you get a wire mesh document
holder from the Dollar stores, they work great for those
boxes you have to roll things out of. I found one in
blue for .25 at a thrift store and did just that. It's
perfect for 4-5 boxes of foil, wax paper, baggies and more.
N-JOY!
By Sandi/Poor But Proud [450]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A young woman, a military dependant, came into the
dental clinic with a problem tooth. She had several
children and appeared to be quite ready to give birth to
another one at almost any moment. It was necessary to
use X-rays to locate the source of her problem, so she
was conducted to the dental unit with an X-ray machine,
and her husband followed.
The X-ray technician was lining up the cone of the
machine preparatory to making the first exposure, when
he noticed that the young woman's husband was standing
beyond her, but in a position where he would receive
some radiation after it passed through her teeth.
Being well trained, the technician stopped and asked the
fellow to move to a safer position.
"Sir, please step over there. Too much of this radiation
will make you sterile."
A broad smile appeared on the young woman's face, her
eyes grew wide with excitement, and she clapped her
hands while saying, "Joe, come here, hold my hand!"
___________________________________________________

All about that bass
(eye candy for the guys)

____________________________________________________
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state
of the art and the best I could find."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
____________________________________________________
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised
herself as a man and joined the army.
"But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to
dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't
she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The man shrugged, "So far, none of them complained."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Being a member of a small church with its own Bible school
many people came and went. It was my duty to keep the church
phone list updated. I was shy so this forced me to approach
new people and get information from them. I was also single,
and any new guys were prospects.
A cute redheaded guy started coming and I thought, “I like
this job, now I can get his phone number” - you know, for
emergencies. I didn’t want to ask him directly because I
was afraid he might not understand and think me too forward.
I knew through the grapevine that he was staying with another
family, and when I asked they told me his name and mentioned
that he had just moved down the street. Since several of our
members lived on that street, I queried several of them,
none of whom knew his number. Finally I approached him and
mentioned that I needed his phone number for our church
directory and mentioned that I’d asked several others but
no one seemed to know. His reply had me wondering myself,
“Well, why didn’t you call ‘Information’?”
Noella
____________________________________________________

Pedal faster girls!

Today, November 13, in
1832 The first streetcar went into operation in New York City,
NY. The vehicle was horse-drawn and had room for 30 people.
1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt proclaimed the
Philippine Islands a free commonwealth after its new
constitution was approved.
1940 During World War II, German war planes destroyed most
of the English town of Coventry when about 500 Luftwaffe
bombers attacked.
1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising.
1968 Yale University announced it was going co-educational.
1969 Apollo 12 blasted off for the moon from Cape Kennedy, FL.
1969 During the Vietnam War, Major General Bruno Arthur
Hochmuth, commander of the Third Marine Division, became the
first general to be killed in Vietnam by enemy fire.
1972 Blue Ribbon Sports became Nike.
1979 U.S. President Carter froze all Iranian assets in the
United States and U.S. banks abroad in response to the
taking of 63 American hostages at the U.S. embassy in Tehran.
1983 The British government announced that U.S.-made cruise
missiles had arrived at the Greenham Common air base amid
protests.
1989 The U.S. Navy ordered an unprecedented 48-hour stand-down
in the wake of a recent string of serious accidents.
1995 The U.S. government instituted a partial shutdown,
closing national parks and museums while most government
offices operated with skeleton crews.
2012 The game Candy Crush Saga was released as a mobile app
for smartphones.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Friday, the 13th !
be careful! It is bad luck to be superstitious.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Kentucky woman arrested after she was found hiding
after a car chase. now she's really in doghouse
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 13, in
1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured Montreal.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous
to offer me the position.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day
she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
--- Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Robbie for this one:
My Mother taught me STYLE ...
If you don't quit that right now I'm going to hit you so
hard that by the time you wake up your clothes will be out
of style.
______________________________________________________
At the grocery store I was trailing a frazzled mother with
two active children, and I watched as she stalked over to
where her young son had perched himself on the rail of
the freezer case and was showing off a rather scary
balancing act.
"If you don't get off there right now," she commanded,
"I'm going to e-mail your father!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Myranda Skinner,
28,
FRANKFORT,
KY
Kentucky woman arrested after she was found hiding --
now she's really in doghouse
A Kentucky woman faces charges after authorities say they
found her hiding in an empty doghouse after a dangerous
pursuit.
Frankfort police tell local media that 28-year-old Myranda
Skinner and 36-year-old Bryan Wells led officers on a chase
Monday morning after an officer noticed a license plate
that had been reported stolen.
Authorities say Skinner, the driver, tried to run over an
officer when the suspects' vehicle was briefly stuck at a
dead-end road.
Police say the pursuit led to the car crashing through a
gate at a golf course, with the suspects fleeing on foot.
A K-9 unit found Wells inside the bed of a truck and
Skinner, of Lexington, in the doghouse.
The suspects were indicted Tuesday on numerous charges,
including fleeing police.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Superantispyware clash?
Dear Webby,
I have superantispyware on my computer.
is it ok to download and use maleware bytes ?
Wendy
Dear Wendy
Yes, sure.
won't clash with it. Just beware of copycat sites with
fake versions.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The night before her wedding, Wendy talked with her
mother.
"Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my
new husband happy."
The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two
people love, honor, and respect each other,
love can be a very beautiful thing..."
"I know all about sex, mother," Wendy interrupted.
"I want you to teach me how to make a decent lasagna!"
-----------
Smart girl!
They learn how to spread long before they learn
how to cook a decent lasagna.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Too Much Cream Pushed out of Tube
If you accidentally squeeze too much out of a tube, you can
get it back in. Put the cap back on the tube. Squeeze the
tube with the cap on. Remove the cap. The excess contents
will be back in the tube!
If you squeezed out a huge amount, you may have to repeat
the process, but it will all go back in.
By Judy [25]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Bob is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer.
Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a
conversation several times and getting only distracted
grunts he asks Bob what the problem is.
"Well," said Bob, "I ran afoul of one of those women's
questions my wife asks. Now I'm in deep trouble."
"What kind of question?, asked Tom.
"My wife asked me in her longwinded and complicated
and confusing way, if I would still love her if she was old
and fat."
"That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'".
"Yeah", said Bob, "That's what I did, except I was
confused by the longwinded question and mixed up the
tenses and said 'Of course I do.'"
___________________________________________________

- the horse won't let him go

____________________________________________________
While on board a Navy carrier, the air wing was busy
with training missions. After talking to a pilot, one
air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on
and remarked to a nearby buddy,
"That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd."
The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened,
realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment.
After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by
announcing,
"Be vewy, vewy quiet.
We awe hunting submawenes."
____________________________________________________
That reminds me....
About ten years ago Julie, one of my clients, was
doing web design on the side to help get her Micro-Fiber
wholesale business off the ground. One of her design
clients was some woman who claimed to be a psychic
and fortune teller. To make a long story short, that
woman's psychic abilities were so poor, she could not
even fortell that Julie would insist on getting paid
for her work, and that Julie has friends.
I used a dialectizer program to translate the psychics web
site into Elmer Fudd style. Then Julie uploaded that to the
psychic's site and changed the password.
After that, of course, it was written in the stars and
quite predictable, that the psychic woman would pay up
quickly.
After she found out that her fuming and threatening just
made Julie laugh even harder, she did pay up!
Here are some examples of how a dialectizer works.
I'll take a quote and translate it:
"A little madness in the Spring
Is wholesome even for the King."
--- Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)
=================================
"A widdle madness in the Spwing
Is whowesome even fow de King."
-- Emiwy Dickinson (1830-1886)
Elmer Fudd is just one of the many dialects that can
be selected.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Shortly after my first marriage, we had an elderly couple from our
church over for home roasted barbecued chicken. While the chicken
finished roasting, I tended to a few other things on top of the stove. I
set the table and eventually dinner was ready; everyone sat down to eat
as I set out the last of the food - the barbecued chicken. To my dismay,
it wasn't just charred barbecue, it was burnt to a crisp. Apparently
since the oven's knobs were about waist high on the front of the stove I
must have leaned up against them and turned up the heat while doing
something else. My elderly guest wryly remarked that he thought burnt
offerings stopped when Jesus died on the cross. You do NOT want me in
the kitchen!
Noella
____________________________________________________

Today, November 13, in
1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured Montreal.
1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in which he said,
"In this world nothing can be said to be certain,
except death and taxes."
1805 Johann George Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a recipe
and called it the "frankfurter." We now know it as the "Wiener".
1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing access between
New York City and New Jersey beneath the Hudson River.
1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in America.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure lowering
the minimum draft age from 21 to 18.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for racial
segregation on public buses.
1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first spacecraft to
orbit another planet, Mars.
1977 The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in newspapers
for the last time.
1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC.
1984 A libel suit against Time, Inc. by former Israeli Defense
Minister Ariel Sharon went to trial in New York.
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that the
U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to Iran. He
denied that the shipments were sent to free hostages, but that
they had been sent to improve relations.
1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union.
1997 Iraq expelled six U.N. arms inspectors that were U.S. citizens.
1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press for the
North American rights to her story about her affair with U.S.
President Bill Clinton.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order that
would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners captured
with connections to the terrorist attacks on the United States
on September 11, 2001. It was the first time since World War II
that a president had taken such action.
2006 A deal was finalized for Google Inc. to acquire YouTube for
$1.65 million in Google stock.
2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon. The
discovery came from the planned impact on the moon of the Lunar
Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS).
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 12
Thanks Joseph!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NY man for leading cops on a 100 mph chase
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 12, in
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules Leotard
at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also the designer of
the garment that is named after him.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Books...are like lobster shells, we surround ourselves with 'em,
then we grow out of 'em and leave 'em behind, as evidence of our
earlier stages of development.
--- Dorothy L. Sayers (1893 - 1957)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was
discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her
seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge
pair of slacks.
"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was
185."
Her niece looked puzzled, then asked,
"How old are you now?"
______________________________________________________
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at
long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask
her the most momentous of all questions.
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,"
he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the
companionship of another being...a being who will regard
one as perfect, as an idol; who will be kind and faithful
when times are hard; who will share one's joys and
sorrows..."
To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes as
she nodded in agreement. She replied,"Yes, I agree, I
think it would be a great idea! That would make a huge
difference to your life and is just what you need.
Sure, I'll gladly help you find a nice puppydog for you."
______________________________________________________
Fast moon
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Indiana Z. Jones,
21,
Rushville,
N.Y.
NY Indiana Jones Leads Cops On 100 MPH Chase
A man named Indiana Z. Jones is accused of leading deputies
in Yates County, New York, on a chase that reached upwards of
100 mph, according to the Associated Press.
Authorities said the wild ride began Sunday evening when
Jones tried to evade a traffic stop in his hometown of
Rushville, according to MyTwinTiers.com.
The alleged "temple of zoom" lasted six minutes and reached
100 mph before deputies deployed stop sticks in Benton that
punctured the tires of Jones' 2002 Audi A6, according to the
Elmira Star Gazette.
Jones was charged with unlawfully fleeing a police officer,
reckless operation, speeding and having an unregistered,
uninsured and uninspected vehicle, according to UPI.com.
He was later released on $1.000 bond.
No attempt was made to reach Harrison Ford for comment.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Tom
Re: Browser not working on VISTA
Dear Webby,
I have an older HP computer running Vista, For the past two days,
I have been unable to access the internet, I've run CrapCleaner
and it shows that Firefox is running but nothing is showing on the
monitor. I can "force close" it on CCleaner but when I go to turn
it on, NOTHING !
Internet Explorer is on the machine but that doesn't work, either,
so I am hesitant to uninstall FireFox and then try to reinstall it.
I know it's an old computer and I am holding off buying a new one.
Until now it has been satisfactory for my needs.
Any suggestions????
I have a 3 Year old Toshiba laptop running Windows 7 which accesses
FireFox and the internet so I am not without Facebook but I do miss
a lot of my other programs.
Many thanks for any advice
tom
Dear Tom
Vista was never any good or very secure, but Microsoft still
supports it. Considering how many Million XP computers are
still working fine, the problem is not the choice of operating
systems, no matter what the computer peddlers tell you.
It seems your Vista computer is infected.
Run Malwarebytes.
http://webby.com/malwarebytes
Once your infection has been fixed, FireFox should work again.
You might have to update FireFox, but no need to uninstall it.
You might have to download Malwarebytes on the Toshiba and copy
it over to the HP via local network.
To see if you have Internet access, or a modem / cable problem,
click on START
type cmd and hit ENTER
in the DOS style screen that pops up,type
tracert webby.com
If you have a proper Internet connection, it will trace the
route from you to Webby.com.
You can, of course, also try any other domain, that you think
should be up and running.
If you don't get a trace route, check your cables.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
DearWebby
Ran Malwarebytes and it appears to have done the "trick'.
FireFox is up and running as are all my other internet programs.
Seems like there were problems in the registry which were
corrected by Malwarebytes.
Many thanks for your advice.
Hope all is well with you physically, Obviously, mentally you
are still functioning at the top of your game.
tom :-)
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL
DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -
I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't clean up your act,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me about JUSTICE -
"One day you will have kids, and I KNOW they will
turn out just like YOU.. THEN you'll see what it's like."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Sharpie from Faux Leather
I was able to remove Sharpie permanent marker from faux
leather using WD-40. It came off super easy and didn't
damage the finish. Good luck.
By HARISN9000 [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English
teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in
both ears and out the other."
"Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled
teacher. "But you only have two ears, boy."
"Guess I'm no good at math, either!"
___________________________________________________

Graphics - making of a TV series

____________________________________________________
Jill was selling tickets at the movie. A woman asked her:
"How much is a ticket?"
Jill said, "Nine dollars."
She said, "How much for children?"
Jill said, "Same price, nine dollars."
She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children."
Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and
you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way."
____________________________________________________
While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man,
who was holding onto the same pole, staring at her.
Eventually, he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop."
Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused.
"Well," she said," go ahead."
"And this is my pole," he said.
My mother was completely perplexed until the young man
added, "I just bought it at the hardware store."
And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it
off the bus.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
When I was new in the work force, I was told that because
I had not yet worked a month, I would not get Veterans Day.
OK, fine, no big deal. So I showed up at the usual time,
and found that the entrance was locked up.
I knew, however, that the back door by the dumpster was
rather sloppy, and one of the girls, who had locked herself
out accidentally when emptying her garbage, got back in by
using her credit card. So I figured I would try that, but
found the door was not really locked.
So I went to my station, tunred on the lights and started
working.
About two hours later the big boss and four cops showed
up and asked me what the heck I was doing.
It was a lot funnier for them than for me, but I did not
get in trouble. The boss explained things for me, and
gave me a Twenty for my work, and then they escorted me
out.
Noella
____________________________________________________

What a fantasy land of photos.

Today, November 12, in
1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor
shower from a ship off the Florida Keys.
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules Leotard
at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also the designer of
the garment that is named after him.
1915 Theodore W. Richards, of Harvard University, became the first
American to be awarded the Nobel Prize in chemistry.
1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent republics.
1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the Soviet Union.
Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party leading to
Stalin coming to power.
1931 Maple Leaf Gardens opened in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
1933 In Philadelphia, the first Sunday football game was played.
1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began
between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a major
victory.
1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" was
sunk off the coast of Norway.
1946 The first drive-up banking facility opened at the Exchange
National Bank in Chicago, IL.
1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier Hideki
Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders to death.
1953 The National Football League (NFL) policy of blacking out
home games was upheld by Judge Allan K. Grim
1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor,
closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants since 1892.
1964 Paula Murphy set the female land speed record 226.37 MPH.
1972 Don Shula, coach of the Miami Dolphins, became the first NFL
head coach to win 100 regular season games in 10 seasons.
1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports from
Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage at the U.S.
embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4.
1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles of
Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth.
1982 Yuri V. Andropov was elected to succeed the late Brezhnev
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen snared
the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first space salvage.
1985 In Norfolk, VA, Arthur James Walker was sentenced to life in
prison for his role in a spy ring run by his brother, John A.
Walker Jr.
1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy statement that
said it was unethical for a doctor to refuse to treat someone solely
because that person had AIDS or was HIV-positive.
1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the Chrysanthemum Throne.
1991 In the U.S., Robert Gates was sworn in as CIA director.
1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to dock with
the Russian space station Mir.
1997 Four Americans and their Pakistani driver were shot to death in
Karachi, Pakistan. The Americans were oil company employees.
1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq for
constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors.
1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 1993 bombing
of the World Trade Center.
1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form
Daimler-Chrysler AG.
2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after take
off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300 crashed into
the Rockaway Beach part of Queens. All 260 people aboard killed.
2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken the Kabul,
Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Norther Alliance at this
point was reported to have control over most of the northern areas
of Afghanistan.
2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment Inc.
that claimed the company had cheated him out of millions of dollars
in movie profits related to the 2002 movie "Spider-Man." Lee was
the creator of Spider-Man, the Incredible Hulk and Daredevil.
2013 In New York, it was announced that the new World Trade Center
was the tallest building in the United States. The height was measured
at 1,776 feet. The building was also the fourth tallest building in
the world at the time.
2013 U.S. Airways and AMR reached an antitrust settlement with the
U.S. Department of Justice which would allow a merger that would create
the world's largest airline.
2014 NATO commander Gen Philip Breedlove reported that Russian military
equipment and Russian combat troops had been seen entering Ukraine in
convoys over several days.
2014 The European Space Agency's Rosetta spacecraft used its lander Philae
to perform the first soft landing on a comet. The comet was
67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman. who was arrested after assaulting
live-in boyfriend with pooper scooper
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 11, in
1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged
in Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
--- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
"A man never discloses his own character so clearly
as when he describes another's."
--- Jean Paul Richter (1763-1825)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The farmer's son was returning from the market with a crate
of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a
sudden the box fell and broke open.
Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the
determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping
up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired
crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly
returned home, expecting the worst.
"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly,
"but I managed to find all twelve of them."
"Well, you done a good job, son," the farmer beamed.
"You left with seven."
______________________________________________________
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.
Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.
The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.
You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley.
I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the
most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants
of France."
The new man asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
______________________________________________________
Anthem, Arizona today at 11:11 am
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Megan Smith,
27,
Bradenton,
Florida
Florida woman. who was arrested after assaulting
live-in boyfriend with pooper scooper
A woman clobbered her live-in boyfriend in the face with
a “pooper scooper” during an early-morning confrontation
in their apartment, according to Florida cops.
Megan Smith, 27, was arrested for battery around 5 AM
Monday when an argument about “living arrangements” with
victim Alexander Buck allegedly “turned physical.”
Police charge that Smith “picked up a pooper scooper and
hit the victim in the face with it multiple times.” The
pooper scooper strikes knocked Buck’s glasses off his face
and left him with “multiple abrasions to his left eyebrow
and forehead.”
Buck, who fled the couple’s Bradenton home and called 911,
subsequently declined treatment from an EMS team dispatched
to the residence.
During police questioning, Smith reportedly copped to
striking Buck with the scooper, which is used to handle cat
litter. “She stated she hit him because the victim would not
stop arguing with her,” an investigator noted.
Smith, seen in the adjacent mug shot, was released yesterday
from the county jail after posting $500 bond. She is scheduled
for an October 15 arraignment on the misdemeanor charge.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Wanda
Re: Back up OneTab
Dear Webby,
You recommended OneTab. I like it and have used it since
you recommended it. Big question is, how do I back it up
so that I can move it to my next computer?
Thanks
Wanda
Dear Wanda
Open OneTab.
On the right top you have some menu items.
The third one is
Export / Import URLs
Click on that.
You see a list of all the URLS in text format.
Click in the middle of that text stuff,
hit CTRL A to highlight the text
Jump to a new text document in NoteTab or WordPad
or whater you use for plain text.
Click into that and hit CTRL V
That pastes it.
Save it as Onetab11-11-2015, or whatever the date is
on your planet. That's all there is to it.
Eventually you have a log of diback-ups from different dates.
Importing onto a different computer is just as easy.
Select IMPORT instead of Export
copy the list of URLs from the backup you want,
and paste it.
You can't browse to it, but you'll get the hang quickly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A trainee for the New York Police Department, was asked
the following hypothetical question: "If your beat was
a lonely path in Central Park, and a beautiful young girl
rushed up to you and declared that a strange man had
suddenly grabbed her, and hugged and kissed her, what
would you do?"
The police-officer-in-training replied without hesitation,
"I would endeavor to reconstruct the crime."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Flatware Scuffs on Porcelain Dishes
My husband is a heavy stirrer and our everyday porcelain
dishes were showing flatware scuffing. I tried the Weiman's
Stove Top Cleaner. Rubbing with a damp paper towel, this
is the cleaning results from a moderate swiping motion.
I did half of the bowl for comparison purposes.
By Myrna [16]
Weimans Stove Top Cleaner is like the Barman's Friend cleaner
on Turbo. You just wipe it onto the stovetop or porcellain
with a yello-green scouring pad, and rinse after a minute or two.
Done.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
At a small parish in rural New England there lived a priest, and
several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that
the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the
priest and told him, "Father, I believe your rugs need to be
replaced soon."
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told
her that he thought that she had been there long enough to
refer to church property as "our" not "your."
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge
needed to be trimmed. She again went to the priest and told
him, "Father, I've noticed that your...(-and after a stern look
from the priest-) I mean OUR hedge needs to be trimmed."
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his
attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch
that had gone missing.
She said she hadn't, but assured him she would look for it.
Another few days passed, and the parish received word that
the bishop would be coming for a visit. The whole parish was
in an uproar of cleaning, and decorating.
On the day the bishop arrived, while the priest was greeting
the bishop in front of the church, the same nun came running
down the front stairs yelling,
"Father, Father, I found your watch!!"
The priest, annoyed at the interruption, gave her another one of
his "stern looks".
"Why yes, Father, Sorry. I found it under OUR bed."
___________________________________________________

Armistice Day 1918

____________________________________________________
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does
it
work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
with that?"
____________________________________________________
A cute young secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed
off her figure, especially when she walked. And she enjoyed
showing off.
One afternoon her boss motioned her into his office and closed
the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked,
"Is that for sale?"
"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.
Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you might
want to tone down the advertising during working hours."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Did you ever get really angry on the phone, go off on a
tirade and angrily slam the phone down only to have it
ring again five seconds later? Thinking it's the same
person, I started the yelling again - Ooops, now I've
got to apologize to my friend.
Noella
____________________________________________________

Antem memorial

They don't have a live camera. If you want to see that,
you will have to go and visit. Anthem is just 25 miles
north of the Phoenix airport. Just take the I-17,
head north about 25 miles, and when you get there, hang a
right at West Daisy Mountain, and a left at the first divided
road: North Gavilan Peak Parkway.
At north Venture drive hang a right and immediat left.
There is parking there.
Even if you can't make it there for November 11, it is
still v ery impressive to see at any time of the year.
DearWebby

Today, November 11, in
1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged
in Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising.
1851 The telescope was patented by Alvan Clark.
1868 The first indoor amateur track and field meet was held by the
New York Athletic Club.
1880 Australian outlaw and bank robber Ned Kelly was hanged at
the Melbourne jail at age 25.
1887 Labor Activists were hanged in Illinois after being convicted
of being connected to a bombing that killed eight police officers.
1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany signed
an armistice. This day became recognized as Veteran's Day in the
United States.
1918 Poland was reestablished shortly after the surrender of Germany.
1920 The body of an unknown British soldier was buried in Westminster
Abbey. The service was recorded with the first electronic recording
process developed by Lionel Guest and H.O. Merriman.
1921 The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated at Arlington Cemetery
in Virginia by U.S. President Harding.
1940 The Jeep made its debut.
1942 During World War II, Germany completed its occupation of France.
1952 The first video recorder was demonstrated by John Mullin and
Wayne Johnson in Beverly Hills, CA.
1965 The government of Rhodesia declared its independence from Britain.
The country later became known as Zimbabwe.
1966 The U.S. launched Gemini 12 from Cape Kennedy, FL. The craft circled
the Earth 59 times before returning.
1972 The U.S. Army turned over its base at Long Bihn to the South
Vietnamese army. The event symbolized the end of direct involvement in the
Vietnam War by the U.S. military.
1975 Civil war broke out when Angola gained independence from Portugal.
1981 Stuntman Dan Goodwin scaled the outside of the 100-story John Hancock
Center in Chicago in about six hours.
1981 The U.S.S. Ohio was commissioned at the Electric Boat Division in
Groton, CT. It was the first Trident class submarine.
1984 The Reverend Martin Luther King Sr. died in Atlanta at age 84.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan accepted the Vietnam Veterans Memorial
as a gift to the nation from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund.
1984 Gary Coleman, at age 13, underwent his second kidney transplant in
Los Angeles. He had his first transplant at age 5.
1986 Sperry Rand and Burroughs merged to form "Unisys," becoming the
second largest computer company.
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Irises" was sold for a then record 53.9 million
dollars in New York.
1988 Police in Sacramento, CA, found the first of seven bodies buried on
the grounds of a boardinghouse. Dorothea Puente was later charged in the
deaths of nine people, convicted of three murders and sentenced to life
in prison.
1990 Stormie Jones, the world's first heart-liver transplant recipient,
died at a Pittsburgh hospital at age 13.
1991 The U.S. stationed its first diplomat in Cambodia in 16 years to help
the nation arrange democratic elections.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin told U.S. senators in a letter that
Americans had been held in prison camps after World War II. Some were
"summarily executed," but others were still living in his country
voluntarily.
1992 The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests.
1993 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Women's Memorial was dedicated to honor
the more than 11,000 women who had served in the Vietnam War.
1994 In Gaza, a suicide bomber detonated his explosives at an Israeli
military checkpoint killing three soldiers.
1996 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund unveiled "The Wall That Heals."
The work was a half-scale replica of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial that would
tour communities throughout the United States.
1997 The Eastman Kodak Company announced that they were laying off
10,000 employees.
1998 Israel's Cabinet ratified a land-for-peace agreement with the
Palestinians.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man. who wass arrested after assaulting
82 year old gramma
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 10, in
1775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of
the Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence
after the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. The
Marine Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 1798.
This day is observed as the birth date of the United States
Marine Corps.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.
--- Aesop
Advise and counsel him; if he does not listen,
let adversity teach him.
--- Ethiopian Proverb
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Late one night during bad weather, the following was
heard over the radio at an airport control tower:
Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 over
Heli-pad 1."
Second voice: "NO!!! You can't be doing that! I'm holding
at 3000 over that pad!"
There was a brief moment of silence.
First voice again: "You idiot! You're my co-pilot!"
______________________________________________________
Tim was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, Dear," he said.
"Of course, Tim," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die, he said, "I want you to marry
Lawrence."
"But I thought you hated Lawrence," she said.
With his last breath, Tim said, "I do!"
______________________________________________________
Tougher than hockey
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Adam Tanzer,
26,
Palm Harbor,
Florida
Florida man. who wass arrested after assaulting
82 year old gramma
A Florida man pushed his 82-year-old grandmother to the
ground Saturday night after he was denied "her debit card,
which he needed to buy cake,” police allege.
Adam Tanzer, 26, was arrested for battering the elderly
victim during a dispute inside her residence in Palm Harbor,
a community about 25 miles west of Tampa.
According to cops, Tanzer pushed Barbara Bliss to the ground
“in an aggressive way,” causing her to fall on her hands
and hip.
Tanzer was allegedly angry that his grandmother “took away her
debit card he needed to buy cake.” Bliss, cops noted, was
yelling at Tanzer, so he “pushed her away from himself and
caused Bliss to fall on her hip.”
The report does not indicate what injuries were suffered by
Bliss, who did require medical treatment.
Tanzer, pictured above, was charged with battery on a person
65 or older, a felony. He was released from jail yesterday
afternoon, and has been ordered to have no contact with
his grandmother.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Adele
Re: Skype picture messed up
Dear Webby,
All of a sudden my Skype picture got changed. Instead of
a carefully selected picture it nhow shows me with curlers
and green mudpack. Terrible!
How do I get my picture back?
Adele
Dear Adele
Your 1976 glamor shot is gone.
You will not get that back.
You have two options now: Use Skype and take a new picture,
like your already famous rhino with green mud-pack picture,
or browse for an acceptable one.
A lot of people use a picture of their daughters or grand
daughters. Some use a snapshot harvested at the mall. It is
entirely up to you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Jean
A woman goes to the doctor, worried about her husband's
temper. The doctor asks "what's the problem?"
The woman says, "doctor, I don't know what to do.
Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for
no reason. It scares me."
The doctor says, "I have a cure for that.
When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take
a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just
swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves
the room or calms down."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor, looking fresh
and reborn.
The woman says, "doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished
and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water
do that?"
The doctor says, "the water itself does nothing.
It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Alternative to Wet Wipes
Since the thick cloth Wet Wipes are expensive and not good
for a septic system, I always keep a small spray bottle with
some water in it within a spare toilet roll next to my
toilet. You could even add one tiny drop off liquid soap
and/or essential oil if desired. Just spritz the tissue you
are going to use and wipe!
It's great for an extra clean wipe up from the young to non
so young!
By Donna [294]
Those cheap 8" x 8" Microfiber samples work even better.
They don't tear, and can be washed and line dried.
Their cleaning ability is a thousand times better.
Ketchup from a white rug? No problem. Ball point pen from
aunt Louises's blouse? No problem.
Buy a box. Visitors are going to borrow them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Jack had the toughest time of his life. First, he got angina
pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as he was
recovering from these, he got tuberculosis, pneumonia
and pythisis. Then he got hypodermics. Appendicitis was
followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia
and hypertrophic cirrhosis. Jack completely lost his
memory for a while. He had diabetes and indigestion, as
well as gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.
It was the hardest spelling test he ever took.
___________________________________________________

GoPro falls into pit
of rattlesnakes
(the guys are going to love this one)

____________________________________________________
At a truck stop off I-40 in Arkansas about 2 o'clock in
the morning, a trucker was having a cup of coffee and a
piece of pie and was romancing the solitary waitress
there.
All of a sudden, three mean looking bikers came in.
They observed the connection between the waitress and
the trucker and started to make nasty and suggestive
remarks trying to get the trucker to start something.
But the trucker didn't say anything, just paid his bill
and walked out.
One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Looks like
your boyfriend ain't much of a man."
The waitress just leaned on the cash register and
looked out the window and said, "Yeah, and he ain't
much of a trucker either. He just ran his semi over
three bikes out there."
____________________________________________________
Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he
returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed
him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for
you to come home," she said.
"What an example of true love," Dave replied.
"I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?"
"Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and
I didn't know where you were, you can be sure me and
my rolling pin would be waiting for you at the front door."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
I used to love shopping downtown at the large department
stores, you know the ones, where ladies' clothing is on one
floor, men's on another, fine dining on another, etc. There's
usually 9-10 floors of shopping. I miss those days.
Anyway, one day while shopping, I was walking along, not
paying any attention to where I was going and I ran into
someone. I immediately started apologizing. I stepped back
to get out of their way, and to my dismay, it wasn’t a
person, it wasn’t even a manikin, it was a large round
supporting post. Do you know how you feel when you're
apologizing to the supporting post of a building?
Noella
____________________________________________________

Well, this is different.

Today, November 10, in
1775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of
the Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence
after the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. The
Marine Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 1798.
This day is observed as the birth date of the United States
Marine Corps.
1801 The U.S. state of Tennessee outlawed the practice of dueling.
1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found David
Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish missionary in
central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous greeting:
"Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"
1917 41 suffragists were arrested in front of the White House.
1928 Michinomiya Hirohito was enthroned as Emperor of Japan.
1951 Direct-dial, coast-to-coast telephone service began when
Mayor M. Leslie Denning of Englewood, NJ, called his counterpart
in Alameda, CA.
1954 The Iwo Jima Memorial was dedicated in Arlington, VA.
1970 The Great Wall of China opened for tourism.
1975 The U.N. General Assembly approved a resolution that
equated Zionism with racism. The resolution was repealed in
December of 1991.
1975 The Edmund Fitzgerald, an ore-hauling ship, and its crew of
29 vanished during a storm in Lake Superior.
1976 The Utah Supreme Court gave approval for Gary Gilmore to be
executed, according to his wishes. The convicted murderer was
put to death the following January.
1980 CBS News anchor Dan Rather claimed he had been kidnapped
in a cab. It turned out that Rather had refused to pay the
cab fare.
1982 Soviet leader Leonid I. Brezhnev died of a heart attack
at age 75. He was suceeded by Yuri V. Andropov.
1988 The U.S. Department of Energy announced that Texas would be
the home of the atom-smashing super-collider. The project was
cancelled by a vote of the U.S. Congress in Oct. 1993.
1993 John Wayne Bobbitt was acquitted on the charge of marital
sexual assault against his wife who sexually mutilated him.
Lorena Bobbitt was later acquitted of malicious wounding her
husband.
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Brady Bill,
which called for a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases.
1994 U.S. officials announced that it planned to stop enforcing
the arms embargo against the Bosnian government the following
week. The U.N. Security Council was opposed to lifting the ban.
1994 Iraq recognized Kuwait's borders in the hope that the action
would end trade sanctions.
1995 Nigeria's military rulers hanged playwright Ken Saro-Wiwa
along with several other anti-government activists.
1995 In Katmandu, Nepal, searchers rescued 549 hikers after a
massive avalanche struck the Himalayan foothills. The disaster left
24 tourists and 32 Nepalese dead.
1997 WorldCom Inc. acquired MCI Communication Corporation. It was
the largest merger in U.S. history valued at $37 billion.
1997 A jury in Virginia convicted Mir Aimal Kasi of the murder of two
CIA employees in 1993.
1997 A judge in Cambridge, MA, reduced Louise Woodward's murder
conviction to manslaughter and sentenced the English au pair to
time served. She had served 279 days in the death of 8-month-old
Matthew Eappen.
1998 At the White House, "The Virtual Wall" website (www.thevirtualwall.org)
was unveiled. The site allows visitors to experience The Wall
through the Internet.
2001 The World Trade Organization approved China's membership.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 9
Members of the city council in Iowa City, Iowa voted Monday
to remove a veterans memorial that included a cross from
a local park, and in turn, members of the community voted
on Tuesday to remove those council members from office.
”We warned them multiple times if they let our town down.
they WILL be voted out,” Allison Schmitz of Stop the Insanity
posted online this week. “They didn’t listen, and look,
the people have SPOKEN!”
The Mudslims haven't got a chance there, any more than to get
the crosses be to removed from Arlington.
Kudos to the people of Iowa !
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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not just computers and tablets!

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texas robber arrested after getting stabbed with
pumpkin carving knife
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 9, in
1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt left for Panama to see
the progress on the new canal. It was the first foreign trip
by a U.S. president.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Watch out for the fellow who talks about putting things in order!
Putting things in order always means getting other people under
your control.
--- Denis Diderot (1713 - 1784)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Redneck Dickschonairy:
Myth: Lesbian Moth
______________________________________________________
A granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with
Nancy, and she decided to teach her to sew. After she
had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread
the machine, the granddaughter stepped back, put her
hands on her hips, and said in disbelief:
"You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my
Game Boy?"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
That is Ship Island outside Gulfport, Mississippi
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Buford Boone,
Dallas,
Texas
Texas robber arrested after getting stabbed with
pumpkin carving knife
A Dallas-area father carving jack-o-lanterns with his
7-year-old daughter for Halloween stabbed a suspected car
thief with a knife after the alleged criminal broke into
their home, police said on Wednesday.
The suspect stole a car from a nearby gas station on Tuesday
evening, crashed it and then ran into a neighborhood to try
to elude officers, said police in Arlington, west of Dallas.
Brian Hackney told the local NBC TV affiliate he was carving
pumpkins with his daughter when the suspect ran into his home
and began rifling through his wife's purse.
Hackney said he had a knife readily in hand, confronted the
intruder and stabbed him in the back. A neighbor called the 911
emergency line while Hackney held down the intruder until
police arrived.
"I just went into protection mode," Hackney told the television
station. "Ladies say 'mama bear,' but it was 'papa bear' here."
The father and daughter were not injured in the incident. The
suspect was taken to a local hospital for treatment, police said.
The suspect, identified as Buford Boone, has been charged with car
theft and robbery. No lawyer was listed on his arrest report.
To avoid racial profiling there is no mug shot.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ingrid
Re: Which browser is better?
Dear Webby,
I have frequent "Browser is not responding" errors.
I won't use IE for security reasons, just FF and Chrome.
Which one is better, or what shoul I do?
Ingrid
Dear ingrid
Yes.
Between FF and Chrome, it is like with political parties.
Each one is worse than the other.
Both of those browsers have frequent updates and they are
quite dilligent in removing security hazards, and they are
even more dilligent in copying whatever new gimmick the
other one came up with.
We are getting to the point where FF and Chrome are just as
badly overloaded as IE, where we need a totally new browser.
There is no point switching back and forth betweem them.
Pick whicever one is most comfortable for you, and get used
to it's peculiarities.
Get ONE-TAB, an add on for the browser. It is similar to
Bookmarks, but easier to find recently one-tabbed items.
With it you can reduce the number of tabs quite efficiently
and easily resurract them. Naturally, the fewer open tabs
you have, the faster your browser will run
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
There were 2 Irishmen walking along looking for jobs,
when they came across a sign saying:
TREE FELLERS WANTED.
"Ohhh, to be sure, too be sure!" said one. "What a
shame there are only the too of us!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Scents from Your Home
I am chemical sensitive to perfumes, cigarettes, gasoline,
etc. Sometimes we have guests come over with high perfume
scents and when they leave the scent does not.
Other situations would be: purchasing used furniture that
has old moldy scent or cigarette/cigar smoke odor. One
thing that seems to work the best for me is to use coffee
grounds. You can purchase the cheapest coffee for this so
it's an inexpensive trick. You just put the grounds in a
brown paper bag or staple them up in coffee filters or for
a little more money/convenience you can purchase the pre-packed
coffee filters.
Then you just set them around where the odors are. It can take
a day or so to remove the odor completely, but in most cases
you can at least handle the area within a short period of time.
I hope this trick help many of you out.
By Bergster417 [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Over dinner one evening, a wife says to her husband,
"I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning,
and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started
to insult me. He used really bad language. He even
threatened me!"
"How did you meet this fellow?" her husband asked, very
concerned.
"Well," she says, "we met by accident. I ran into his
wheelchair with the car."
___________________________________________________

trucks meet on hairpin curve

____________________________________________________
A Guy and his wife are riding two up on a bike along a
twisty road with a 55MPH limit. A cop pulls them over.
"Had you going about 70 in 55 back there," says the
cop.
"Not me," says the guy, "Could be your radar picked up
someone else or something, but my speedometer was
set right on 55."
The wife pipes up, "You were to going 70. I've told you
20 miles back you were going to get stopped if you didn't
slow down."
"Quiet please!" mumbles the guy.
"Can I see your proof of insurance?" asks the cop.
"Sure, my card is right here in my wallet."
The wife says, "That card's no good and you know it.
You haven't paid the last premium and the company sent
you a cancellation notice."
"Damn," yells the guy. "Would you shut up for a minute?"
"Ma'am," says the cop. "Does this guy always talk to
you like this?"
"Only when he's been drinking."
____________________________________________________
A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pup for
her birthday. An hour later, while wandering through the
house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of
the kitchen floor. her comment was:
"My pup runneth over."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
>From Ed
So my wife and I stayed at the Crescent Hotel high on the
hill in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. We chose that venue because
it's supposed to be haunted. Most evenings, the guests are
either exploring the hotel for the dearly departed or are
taking the weekend ghost tour again hoping to encounter a
ghost. Truth be told, we booked lodging there for the same
reason. With all this talk about ghosts in mind, we retired
for the evening. Now I'm an older guy and relieving myself
several times during the night had become much more
commonplace than it was in my younger years. I was hoping
that one good scare might have me evacuating my bladder
enough to get me a modicum of uninterrupted sleep. I knew
better but hope springs eternal. As expected, during the
midnight hours I paid John a visit and turned to go back to
bed. It was then that I actually saw a ghost!
I screamed and stood there in fear not moving a muscle. A
few minutes passed when I noticed that the ghost didn't
move unless I did. It was at that point that I realized
I was staring at myself in the door mirror.
Noella
____________________________________________________

I had no idea
most of these strange animals existed!

Today, November 9, in
1872 A fire destroyed about 800 buildings in Boston, MA.
1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt left for Panama to see
the progress on the new canal. It was the first foreign trip
by a U.S. president.
1911 George Claude of Paris, France, applied for a patent
on neon advertising signs.
1918 Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II announced he would abdicate.
He then fled to the Netherlands.
1923 In Munich, the Beer Hall Putsch was crushed by German troops
that were loyal to the democratic government. The event began the
evening before when Adolf Hitler took control of a beer hall
full of Bavarian government leaders at gunpoint.
1935 United Mine Workers president John L. Lewis and other
labor leaders formed the Committee for Industrial Organization.
1938 Nazi troops and sympathizers destroyed and looted 7,500
Jewish businesses, burned 267 synagogues, killed 91 Jews, and
rounded up over 25,000 Jewish men in an event that became
known as Kristallnacht or "Night of Broken Glass."
1961 Major Robert White flew an X-15 rocket plane at a world
record speed of 4,093 mph.
1961 The Professional Golfer's Association (PGA) eliminated
its "caucasians only" rule.
1963 In Japan, about 450 miners were killed in a coal-dust
explosion.
1963 In Japan, 160 people died in a train crash.
1965 The great Northeast blackout occurred as several states
and parts of Canada were hit by a series of power failures
lasting up to 13 1/2 hours.
1967 A Saturn V rocket carrying an unmanned Apollo spacecraft
blasted off from Cape Kennedy on a successful test flight.
1976 The U.N. General Assembly approved ten resolutions condemning
the apartheid government in South Africa.
1979 The United Nations Security Council unanimously called upon
Iran to release all American hostages "without delay." Militants,
mostly students had taken 63 Americans hostage at the U.S.
embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4.
1981 U.S. troops began arriving in Egypt for a three-week Rapid
Deployment Force excercise. Somalia, Sudan and Oman were also
involved in the operation.
1981 The Internation Monetary Fund approved a $5.8 billion loan
to India. It was the highest loan to date.
1982 Sugar Ray Leonard retired from boxing. In 1984 Leonard came
out of retirement to fight one more time before becoming a boxing
commentator for NBC.
1984 A bronze statue titled "Three Servicemen," by Frederick Hart,
was unveiled at the site of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in
Washington, DC.
1989 Communist East Germany opened its borders, allowing its citizens
to travel freely to West Germany.
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a non-aggression
treaty with Germany.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin, visiting London, appealed for
assistance in rescheduling his country's debt, and asked British
businesses to invest.
1998 A federal judge in New York approved the richest antitrust
settlement in U.S. history. A leading brokerage firm was ordered
to pay $1.03 billion to investors who had sued over price-rigging
of Nasdaq stocks.
2004 U.S. First Lady Laura Bush officially reopened Pennsylvania Avenue
in front of the White House to pedestrians.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Arkansas mother, who was arrested after she put bourbon
in her baby's bottle
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 8, in
1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The
expedition was led by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis.
The journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of
exploring the Louisiana Purchase territory.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world
if they had been obliged first to learn Latin.
--- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856)
She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes
into small opportunities.
--- Henry James (1843 - 1916)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Official sign near door:
Door Alarmed.
Handprinted sign nearby:
Window frightened.
______________________________________________________
Patient: "Nurse, during my operation I heard the surgeon
use a four-letter word that upset me very much."
Nurse: "What word was that?"
Patient: "Oops!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Lori Sheppard,
28,Mt. Holly,
Arkansas
Arrested after she put bourbon in her baby's bottle
NOVEMBER 6--When her teething infant son would not stop
crying, an Arkansas woman called her mother and was told
to rub some alcohol on the child’s painful gums.
Instead, cops charge, Lori Sheppard, 28, put bourbon in
her 10-month-old son’s bottle, leading to the infant’s
hospitalization and her arrest for child endangerment
and aggravated assault.
Sheppard’s son Ronald was rushed last week to a hospital
emergency room after he was found “limp and unresponsive.”
Sheppard initially told cops that the child “was fine
before she placed him in his playpen” inside the family’s
trailer home in Mt. Holly, a community about 125 miles south
of Little Rock.
Sheppard claimed that when she briefly left the trailer, her
five-year-old stepbrother went inside. When she returned to
the home, Sheppard said she found Ronald “unconscious and
unresponsive.”
During police questioning, Sheppard initially denied giving
the baby alcohol (the child’s father told police that there
was “a 5th of bourbon in the freezer at the trailer”). But,
cops say, she eventually confessed to putting booze in
Ronald’s bottle.
Sheppard told investigators that when Tylenol and Motrin
did not relieve the infant’s discomfort, she sought advice
from her mother, who suggested rubbing alcohol on Ronald’s
gums.
The child, who was airlifted to Arkansas Children’s
Hospital in Little Rock, had a blood alcohol content of
.19, according to a Union County Sheriff’s Office report.
After several days of treatment, the boy was discharged
into the custody of child welfare workers.
Pictured above in an unfortunate message t-shirt, Sheppard
was booked into jail on the felony charges. A judge set her
bond at $10,000
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Open Office Thesaurus
Hi Dear Webby,
Again a question for the cyber world's main avatar:
I can't get the Thesaurus to open in my Open Office.
I have their latest version 4.1.1 but even following
their help instructions about activating the Thesaurus
doesn't work and still leaves it greyed out and unusable.
Do you have a solution?
As always my sincere thanks.
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
Dear Walter
On my OO, I highlight a word, and hit CTRL F7
and the Thesaurus comes up
showing a bunch of alternate words.
There are two possibilities.
1) You haven't selected a language in Tools, Language
or
2) When you installed it, you installed just the basics,
without the Thesaurus.
If it is #2, just reinstall it,
and this time let it go whole hog.
It takes more space, but that is the price
you pay for having the big dictionary and
the Thesaurus on the shelf.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dear Webby,
thank you again for having the right answer.
I downloaded Open Office 4.1.2. and now the
Thesaurus works perfectly.
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Teacher: If your father earned $100.00 and gave half to
your mother, what would she have?
Little Johnny: A heart attack!
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making Coffee Without a Coffeemaker
A week ago, I broke our carafe to our coffee maker. My husband and I had already gone shopping so we had a full can of coffee. We were out of instant coffee, which made this an emergency, at least for me! My husband to the rescue. He made his own instant pouch using a coffee filter, twist tie and boiling water. Here are the instructions.
Take 2 teaspoon per (8 oz.)cup of coffee.
Add this to a coffee filter.
Tie filter with twist tie or string.
Drop filter into a pot of boiling water (16 oz. of water)
Let coffee and filter simmer in hot water to desired color. The darker the stronger your coffee will taste.
It's like boiling a tea bag in a pot of water. Sorry about my pic of my coffee, I also spilled non-dairy coffee creamer. No matter, I just did not feel like getting up to take a better pic, but I did enjoy my cup of coffee.
By Georgetta Ruth [73]
When I was living in the bush in the Yukon I rigged a coil of
3/8" copper tubing into the s tove pipe of the "kitchen stove"
just outside the tent. The inside airtight was not used in
summer.
The copper pipe came out of the stove pipe high enough to
neatly drip into a Melitta (Cone filter) sitting on top of
a one gallon blue enamel coffee pot.
The water for the water heater came from the high tank
hanging up high inside the 12' x 16' tent.
That made beautiful coffee for years until I finished
building the new house.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
News Item: An Oregon State University animal rights
activist denounces vegetarianism because mice, moles
and rabbits are often killed in the preparation of farmland
to grow vegetables.
You might want to stop eating until the dogooders sort
this out.
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
Two cowboys were scouting near their fort and worrying
that the Indians might be overrunning them. As they
listened to the distant pounding war drums, one cowboy
muttered to the other: "I don't like the sound of them drums."
Just then, an apologetic voice came from behind a bush,
"Our regular drummer slept in."
>From Barb
____________________________________________________
*Last night I was driving home and listening to a sports call-in
program, carried by WGN in Chicago on SIRIUS. People were calling in,
very upset, about the goat's head that was sent to Cubs owner Tom
Ricketts at Wrigley Field.*
*Then some guy called in from Indiana and said, "Why are you people so
upset 'cause someone sent a goat's head to Wrigley Field? Aren't you
Chicagoans the same guys that sent a horse's ass to the White House?" *
*I had to pull over!*
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Not my blunder but by someone I knew well.
As a truck driver, I have to be careful to pace myself for
bathroom stops. It happened one day that my body wasn't
cooperating with my paced schedule. At the next drop-off,
before going into the office and having the papers signed,
I ran into their restroom.
You can imagine my relief as I downloaded (it wasn't #1).
Now you can imagine my horror when I look down at the floor
and see the hole where the stool was SUPPOSED to sit.
I felt so sorry for those plumbers.
Noella
____________________________________________________

So very limber and graceful.

Today, November 8, in
1793 The Louvre Museum, in Paris, opened to the public.
1805 The "Corps of Discovery" reached the Pacific Ocean. The
expedition was led by William Clark and Meriwether Lewis.
The journey had begun on May 14, 1804, with the goal of
exploring the Louisiana Purchase territory.
1895 Wilhelm Roentgen while experimenting with electricity
discovered the scientific principle involved and took
the first X-ray pictures.
1910 William H. Frost patented the insect exterminator.
1923 Adolf Hitler made his first attempt at seizing power
in Germany with a failed coup in Munich that came to be
known as the "Beer-Hall Putsch."
1933 The Civil Works Administration was created by executive
order by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The
organization was designed to create jobs for more than 4
million unemployed people in the U.S.
1942 The U.S. invaded Morocco and Algeria.
1942 During World War II, Operation Torch began as U.S. and
British forces landed in French North Africa.
1950 During the Korean conflict, the first jet-plane battle
took place as U.S. Air Force Lt. Russell J. Brown shot down
a North Korean MiG-15.
1956 After turning down 18,000 names, the Ford Motor Company
decided to name their new car the "Edsel," after Henry Ford's
only son.
1966 Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California.
1980 Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California
announced that they had discovered a 15th moon orbiting the
planet Saturn.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered more troop deployments
in the Persian Gulf, adding about 150,000 soldiers to the multi-
national force fighting against Iraq.
1991 The European Community and Canada imposed economic sanctions
on Yugoslavia in an attempt to stop the Balkan civil war.
1992 About 350,000 people rallied in Berlin against racist
violence.
1993 Five Picasso paintings and other artwork were stolen from
the Museum of Modern Art in Stockholm, Sweden. The works were
valued at $52 million.
1997 Chinese engineers diverted the Yangtze River to make way for
the Three Gorges Dam.
2000 In Florida, a statewide recount began to decide the winner
of the 2000 U.S. presidential election.
2009 The game Angry Birds Star Wars was released.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida burglar arrested after
dropping out of the ceiling.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 7, in
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized as
an elephant in a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs;
therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity,
or undue depression in adversity.
--- Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly
clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor
vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift
for her son. She brought her selection - a baseball bat
to the cash register.
"Cash or charge," the clerk asked.
"Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her
rudeness, she explained, " I've spent the afternoon at
the motor-vehicle bureau. I am not too sane right now!!"
"Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly,
"Or or you going back?"
______________________________________________________
It's time to do my bi-annual rant about auto-responders.
Every now and then some smooth-talking moron manages
to persuade otherwise quite reasonable people to use
auto-responders to embarrass themselves.
If YOU are one of those, stop and think for a bit, before
you have lost all your friends.
What does an auto-responder accomplish ?
1) Everybody puts your address into their spam filters,
because they are not interested in the silly drivel of your
auto-responder.
2) People forget that now all mail from you automatically
goes into the garbage, and they don't believe you when
you tell them that you answered their mail.
NOTHING else EVER gets accomplished by a personal
auto-responder.
Commercial auto-responders that reply with
up-to-the-minute fresh road reports, or the weather, or
inventory of daily specials if you write to a certain
address, those are useful, because they supply
information that you requested.
However, does anybody really need to know that
Dingbat's computer admits that it has received the mail
that you sent her (since you sent the mail to HER and not
the Easter Bunny, you more or less expected that
anyway), and that Dingbat is too lazy or too drunk to
answer you right now, or that she never answers after
5PM? Well, you expected that too, so why repeat the
never changing obvious facts ?
If you have an auto-responder, do yourself and your
friends a favor and get rid of it. Then get yourself a new
address and get re-aquainted with your former friends
who thought you had died when all your mail got filtered
into the garbage without anybody ever seeing it.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Bob for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Justin Grimes,
30,
Daytona Beach,
Floriduh
Florida burglar arrested after
dropping out of the ceiling.
A would-be thief allegedly decided to drop in for dinner
—literally—at a Florida eatery Tuesday evening, WESH reports.
Police say diners at Hibachi Grill and Supreme Buffet in
Daytona Beach heard noises coming from the ceiling shortly
before 30-year-old Justin Grimes fell through it. Patrons
sprung into action, holding Grimes down until officers arrived.
According to WFTV, police believe Grimes got into the ceiling
through the bathroom and was attempting to make his way to the
restaurant's office to steal money when he fell through the
ceiling. WESH reports the restaurant's manager found broken
ceiling tiles and a pair of shoes in the office, but it's
unclear how they got there. Grimes has been charged with
burglary.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Open Office Thesaurus
Hi Dear Webby,
Again a question for the cyber world's main avatar:
I can't get the Thesaurus to open in my Open Office.
I have their latest version 4.1.1 but even following
their help instructions about activating the Thesaurus
doesn't work and still leaves it greyed out and unusable.
Do you have a solution?
As always my sincere thanks.
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
Dear Walter
On my OO, I highlight a word, and hit CTRL F7
and the Thesaurus comes up
showing a bunch of alternate words.
There are two possibilities.
1) You haven't selected a language in Tools, Language
or
2) When you installed it, you installed just the basics,
without the Thesaurus.
If it is #2, just reinstall it,
and this time let it go whole hog.
It takes more space, but that is the price
you pay for having the big dictionary and
the Thesaurus on the shelf.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dear Webby,
thank you again for having the right answer.
I downloaded Open Office 4.1.2. and now the
Thesaurus works perfectly.
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Tom was being evaluated for mental problems and was
asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the
hallway toward you, what would you do?"
Tom replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!"
The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter
from?"
Tom replied, "The same place you got your train!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Spanish Rice
My grandmother, who was Mexican taught me how to cook this
Spanish rice. Now my son who is 24 and living on his own,
makes his own.
Approximate Time: 20-30 minutes
Yield: 6 or more servings
Ingredients:
1 cup long grain white rice
3-4 green onion stalks, cut small (more or less,
depending on your taste)
1 small ripe tomato, diced
1 1/2 cup chicken stock, warmed
1 can (small) tomato sauce (I use the spicy
tomato sauce, but it's a matter of taste)
Adobo seasoning to taste
pepper to taste
2 Tbsp oil, any kind of your choice
2 Tbsp butter (not margarine, or I can't
Believe it's not Butter)
Steps:
Saute the green onion and rice until the rice is
slightly browned and has a nutty smell to it.
Add the tomatoes and stir in.
Then add the warmed chicken stock and tomato sauce.
Season with the Adobo, or salt and pepper to taste,
then add the butter.
Simmer 18-20 minutes, or until rice is done and all
liquid is absorbed and rice is tender.
Source: My grandmother
By Cathi Cates [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would
be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal
partners.
So, the first morning back from their honeymoon,
Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed.
Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted,
"A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!"
Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought her a
scrambled egg.
Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Why can't I have some
variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought
her two eggs - one scrambled and one poached.
"Here, my love... enjoy!"
Kathy was furious, "You Bozo, you scrambled the wrong egg!"
___________________________________________________

the slap

____________________________________________________
A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian
Rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and
walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture
of the rug she accidentally breaks wind.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if
anyone has noticed her little accident.
As she turns there standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day M'am, how may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir how much does this
rug cost?"
He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it,
what is going to happen to your pants when you
hear the price?"
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
I love to take pictures and was excited when I found out
that I was going to get to go to the ocean in Florida.
I'd never seen the ocean. I got up early, went out to
the beach and waited for the sun to come up so I could
get a sunrise picture. The sky was full of clouds and
though it was getting lighter, I never did get to see
the sun rise so I gave up.
I decided to go back to the hotel and as I got into the
car, I turned around and there was the sun, bright and
shining. It had come up behind one of the casinos.
Totally missed it!
Noella
____________________________________________________

I prefer the house in the
mountains where there is peace and quiet.

Today, November 6, in
1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader in the
American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts Bay
Colony for heresy.
1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated by
William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or (Tippecanoe).
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy was
shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while trying
to protect his printing shop from a third destruction.
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized as
an elephant in a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly.
1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by
Albert H. Hook.
1893 The state of Colorado granted its women the right to vote.
1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first
transcontinental railway in the mountains of British Columbia.
1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The provisional
government of Alexander Kerensky was overthrown by forces led
by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin.
1918 During World War I, a false report through the United
Press announced that an armistice had been signed.
1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in Washington
state collapsed during a windstorm. The suspension bridge had
opened to traffic on July 1, 1940.
1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first person
to win a fourth term as president.
1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television commercials.
1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor Cleveland, OH,
becoming the first black mayor of a major city.
1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that college
students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would lose their
draft deferments.
1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of the
War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power to wage
war without congressional approval.
1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of Justice.
The siege claimed the lives of 100 people, including 11 Supreme
Court Justices. The Palace had been seized by leftist guerrillas
belonging to the April 19 Movement.
1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown. He had
been president since the country's independence in 1956.
1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia,
becoming the first elected African-American state governor
in U.S. history.
1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's first
African-American mayor.
1991 Magic Johnson (NBA) announced that he had tested positive
for the virus that causes AIDS, and that he was retiring
from basketball.
1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow on
the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution.
1991 Actor Paul Reubens, a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman, pled no contest
to charges of indecent exposure. Reubens had been arrested in
Sarasota, FL, for exposing himself in a theater.
1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men admitted
to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl.
2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first president's
wife to win public office. The state of New York elected her to
the U.S. Senate. (New York)
2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched.
2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you Moe
Thank you, Mary
Thank you, Richard
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Pennsylvania elections judge arrested for driving
off with voting equipment
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 6, in
1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth
president of the United States.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart.
--- Alice Walker (1944 - )
The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.
--- Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC)
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
--- Laurence J. Peter
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.
Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials
put up a ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the
kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo.
The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty
feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was
again roaming around the zoo.
This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty
feet high. Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked
the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo replied, "Probably a hundred feet, unless
somebody starts locking the gate at night!"
______________________________________________________
Two men were talking one day.
"My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from
the garden market," said the first man.
"So were you able to find some?" the second man asked.
"Well when I got to the market, I asked the produce
clerk, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been
sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'
"The produce clerk said 'No, you'll have to do that yourself.' "
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Adele for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Darrin Farmer,
55,
North Versailles,
Pennsylvania
Pennsylvania elections judge arrested for driving
off with voting equipment
Authorities in western Pennsylvania say a local judge of
elections was arrested after allegedly failing to show up
to the polls Tuesday and instead deciding to work as a
jitney driver for the day.
The Allegheny County sheriff's office says 55-year-old
Darrin Farmer of North Versailles (Vehr-SAYLESS) never
came to the North Versailles precinct with voting equipment,
delaying poll opening by three hours.
Authorities say his wife said he dropped her off at a store
to buy refreshments for volunteers but then left. They
allege he decided to spend the day giving rides for money.
Farmer faces charges including tampering with public records
and obstructing a government function; a listed number for
him couldn't be found and it's unclear whether he has an
attorney who could respond to the charges.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Reliable email program
Dear Webby,
Once again I'm coming to the 'mountain' for HELP.
Last evening I updated Mailwasher to the latest
config. 7.7 and then this morning when I logged
on and my mail was transferred to Eudora 7.1.0.9
all of the mail that was both in my in and out
boxes (Eudora) has disappeared. I would like
to have it (mail) back since I've not replied
to some of them. I did nothing else with my
desktop other than update Mailwasher.
Can and would you shed some light to make my
day brighter.
Peace
Frank
Dear Frank
Mailwasher doesn't do anything to Eudora beyond transferring
the focus to it, like clicking on it to making it active.
That sounds like a routine Windoze malfunction.
Did you try closing Eudora and re-opening it?
Or closing it, and then rebooting?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dear Webby,
Like normal, I did as you instructed below. The emails
came back BUT now in Eudora the inbox first left column
with the 'dot' header is now showing a ? for ALL messages
prior to this morning. This mornings recent mail shows
the blue dot.
The outbox is showing a red dot with an x inside the dot,
in that same column for all sent messages including my
initial request to you this morning prior to closing and
reboot. Can you explain and can it be corrected?
I'm having 'FUN!' now.
Frank
Dear Frank
Normally Eudora keeps the IN and OUT box in RAM during
operation, and writes to disk later.
If Windoze decides it needs more RAM, it steals it from
any non-Windows program. Theoretically, whatever it steals,
is supposed to be written to the virtual memory (your hard
drive). Sometimes that works OK, sometimes it doesn't.
Eudora has a way to guard against that, and tells you to
re-index the database.
Compacting the database usually fixes the question marks
and dots.
To avoid that problem, keep the IN and OUT mailboxes small.
Send mails to suitable mailboxes like Prayers, Recipes,
Boobs, etc.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their
married lives. Although happily married, they admitted
that there were argument sometimes.
Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery. I now
know how to always have the last word."
"Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?"
"It's easy," replied Bill. "My last words are always
'Yes, Dear.'"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Floor Cleaner with No Residue
Have you ever mopped with a cleaner just to discover you
have a sticky floor from the residue? We bought some
rubber planking floor that looks like wood and I wanted
a good cleaner so I did some research. My research took
me finally to Amazon where there is a product called
Congoleum Bright 'N Easy No Rinse Cleaner. A 32 oz.
bottle is $13.99 plus shipping, but I tell you, that
bottle will last. You use 1/4 of a cup to a gallon of
water.
The floors looked beautiful with no residue. After reading
reviews, I saw people were using it in the kitchen on the
tile floors so I tried that and the floors looked better
than anything I used in the past. So I can do the tiles
and plank floors with this and never have a buildup.
By linda [61]
Since my dishes dry nice and clean without residue,
I have used a squirt of dish soap per gallon of hot
water on my high gloss soft vinyl and gloss hardwood wood
floor for the last 15 years. No dull film or buildup at
all. My floors are as clean and shiny as my dishes and
glasses. Other dish soaps will probably work just as well.
If your dish soap doesn't leave a film on your glasses,
then it won't leave a film on the floor either.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and
she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One
day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a
friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited
about the new baby.
"Oh, yes!" the little tyke says. And having overheard
some of his parents' private conversations, he adds,
"And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a
girl we're going to call it Barny, and if it's another boy
we're going to call it Quits."
___________________________________________________

the slap

____________________________________________________
While John and Jill were shopping at a mall, a
shapely young woman in a short form-fitting dress
strolled by...
Johns eyes followed her.
Without looking up from the item Jill was examining,
Jill asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in now?"
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
One time I was at the Farmer's market and was already
lugging a big, (in the late 60's) fashionable wicker basket
full of all kinds of fruit and veggies, when I spotted
large pumpkins with a sign "1 penny". That sounded
too good to be true.
Well, on closer inspection I saw the tiny writing
"per pound".
Too late. By that time I was hooked.
Since I was already overloaded I asked the farmer
if he delivered, and gave him my address.
"yes, sure," he said, if you buy a gross."
I had no clue how many were in a gross, but I was hooked.
I wanted some of those big, shiny pumpkins.
He told me that he would weigh them and put the bill into
my mailbox.
I had to go to church choir after the farmers market and
we went for some wine and cheese at the preacher's house
afterward. So I didn't get home until quite late.
The front door was barricaded with a pyramid of pumpkins,
and half the porch was pumpkins 3 layers deep.
I had no key for the back door with me.
So, after crying for a bit, I circled the house looking
for a window that I could burgle in through.
Then a cop car stopped and a suspicious cop stomped over to
me and yelled at me, wanting to know if I was trying to
break in to that house.
That made me mad and I screamed back at him just as loud:
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am!"
He jumped back two feet, and looked things over.
Then he started laughing. Really laughing and doubling
over, slapping his thighs and laughing.
After that he helped me move the pyramid from the front
door to the east side of the porch and make a pyramid there.
After that I could finally get inside, put away the veggies
and fruit, and murder a pumpkin.
I didn't go for the bill in the mailbox for a couple of days.
Noella
____________________________________________________

Yikes! Too scary for me!

Today, November 6, in
1789 Father John Carroll was appointed as the first Roman
Catholic bishop in the United States of America.
1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth
president of the United States.
1861 Jefferson Davis was elected as the president of the
Confederacy in the U.S.
1894 William C. Hooker received a patent for the mousetrap.
1903 Philippe Bunau-Varilla, as Panama's ambassador to the
United States, signed the Hay-Bunau-Varilla Treaty. The
document granted rights to the United States to build and
indefinitely administer the Panama Canal Zone and its defenses.
1913 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested as he led a march of
Indian miners in South Africa.
1917 During World War I, Candian forces take the village of
Passchendaele, Belgium, in the Third Battle of Ypres.
1923 Jacob Schick was granted a patent for the electric shaver.
1935 Edwin H. Armstrong announced his development of
FM broadcasting.
1952 The first hydrogen bomb was exploded at Eniwetok Atoll
in the Pacific Ocean.
1961 In the Saraha Desert of Algeria, a natural gas well ignited
when a pipe ruptured. The flames rose between 450 feet and 800
feet. The fire burned until April 28, 1962 when a team led
by Red Adair used explosives to deprive the fire of oxygen.
1962 The U.N. General Assembly adopts a resolution that
condemned South Africa's racist apartheid policies. The
resolution also called for all member states to terminate
military and economic relations with South Africa.
1965 The Freedom Flights program began which would allow
250,000 Cubans to come to the United States by 1971.
1973 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft began photographing Jupiter.
1975 King Hassan II of Morocco launches the Green March, a
mass migration of 300,000 unarmed Moroccans, that march
into the nation of Western Sahara.
1977 39 people were killed when an earthen dam burst, sending
a wall of water through the campus of Toccoa Falls Bible
College in Georgia.
1983 U.S. Army choppers dropped hundreds of leaflets over
northern and central Grenada. The leaflets urged residents
to cooperate in locating any Grenadian army or Cuban
resisters to the U.S-led invasion.
1985 Leftist guerrillas belonging to Columbia's April 19
Movement seized control of the Palace of Justice in Bogota.
1986 Former Navy radioman John A. Walker Jr., was sentenced in
Baltimore to life imprisonment. Walker had admitted to being
the head of a family spy ring.
1986 U.S. intelligence sources confirmed a story run by the
Lebanese magazine Ash Shiraa that reported the U.S. had been
secretly selling arms to Iran in an effort to secure the release
of seven American hostages.
1989 In the hopes of freeing U.S. hostages held in Iran, the U.S.
announced that it would unfreeze $567 million in Iranian assets
that had been held since 1979.
1990 About 20% of the Universal Studios backlot in southern
California was destroyed in an arson fire.
1991 Kuwait celebrated the dousing of the last of the oil fires
ignited by Iraq during the Persian Gulf War.
1995 Mark Messier scored his 500th NHL goal.
1998 The Islamic militant group Hamas exploded a car bomb
killing the two attackers and injuring 21 civilians.
1999 Australian voters rejected a referendum to drop Britain's
queen as their head of state.
2001 In Madrid, Spain, a car bomb injured about 60 people.
The bomb was blamed on Basque separatists.
2001 Ten people were executed in Beijing, China. The state
newspaper of China said that all of the people executed were
robbers and killers aged 20-23.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 5
Thank You Cynjer!
Thank you Doug!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
AZ grandpa arrested after leaving girl
in desert with gun to get beer and cheeseburger
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 5, in
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Muslim Nidal Malik Hasan
killed 13 people and wounded 30 others.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in getting up every time we do.
--- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)
To punish me for my contempt for authority,
fate made me an authority myself.
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A major research institution recently announced the
discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
This new element has been tentatively named
"Administratium".
Administratium has one neutron, 12 assistant
neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant
deputy neutrons,giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force
called morons, which are surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Administratium has no electrons, it is
inert.However, it can be detected as it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Administratium causes one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it
would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of three
years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a
reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy
neutrons exchange places.In fact, Administratium's
mass actually increases over time, since each
reorganization causes some morons to become
neutrons, forming isodopes.
This moron-promoting characteristic has lead
some scientists to speculate that Administratium
is formed wherever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as "Critical Morass."
You'll know it when you see it.
______________________________________________________
Q: How can I avoid always being handed other
peoples' drooling brats?
A: Drop one or two.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Paul Rater,
62,
Buckeye,
Arizona
AZ grandpa arrested after leaving girl
in desert with gun to get beer and cheeseburger
A man in Buckeye, Arizona, is facing child endangerment
charges after authorities said he left his 5-year-old
granddaughter in the desert by herself with a loaded gun.
Paul Rater, 62, took the girl for a ride in his pickup truck
Sunday afternoon in the desert. Family members reported the
two missing four hours later.
The girl was eventually found by a firefighter who was riding
around the desert on an ATV. She was crying for help, Maricopa
County Sheriff Joe Arpaio told ABC15.com.
Arpaio told the station the girl was found with a loaded and
cocked .45 caliber handgun.
"He told her it was to shoot the bad guys. How does a 5-year-old
know the difference between good guys and bad guys?" Arpaio
told the station.
Rater was found a short time later at a local store.
Investigators said he admitted leaving the girl in the desert
and went for a few drinks and a cheeseburger, instead,
according to CBS News.
Rater also told authorities the truck got stuck and he and
his granddaughter had to walk for help because he forgot to
bring his cellphone, according to KPHO TV.
When the girl couldn't walk anymore, Rater said he left her
under a tree with the loaded gun.
Deputies said Rater came across several people while he was
looking for help, but never thought to call 911. The suspect
said he asked people to look for his granddaughter because
he left her in the desert, according to AZCentral.com.
Witnesses at the South Buckeye Equestrian Center said Rater
showed up there around 5:30 p.m. complaining about having to
walk 10 miles. He never mentioned his granddaughter.
Rater's wife told deputies he called her for a pickup an
hour or so later, after consuming a cheeseburger and four
alcoholic beverages.
Rater was booked into a Maricopa County jail on suspicion of
endangerment and two counts of reckless child abuse. He remains
in custody on $25,000 bond, according to jail records.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Terry
Re: Reliable email program
Dear Webby,
I have tried Outlook and Windows Live, and am not
happy with either one. Which email program do you
recommend and use?
Terry
Dear Terry
I still use Eudora, and have used it since 1993.
Never a problem.
Thunderbird is based on Eudora and pretty well the same,
just prettier and has a lot more emoticons.
Either one is fast asnd reliable.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure
anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with
what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the
town grouch.
So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that
he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my
sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin'
to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little, then tells Mr. Smith,
"What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders.
So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out,
"This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the
doctor. That will be $100.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad.
One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor
along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts,
"I can't remember!"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little and tells Mr. Smith:
"What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled
the office.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Onions Fresh for Months
If you keep your onions completely dry, separated, and hanging,
they will last you for months. Take a washed or new pair of
pantyhose and stack your onions vertically, then store in a
cool dark place. Additionally, if you tie a knot in the hose
between each whole onion, they will touch each other even less,
lasting a bit longer.
By attosa [133]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey.
His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to
look carefully at his client.
"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded
the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant.
"Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that
if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"
He was acquitted.
___________________________________________________

male pole "dancer" - unreal

____________________________________________________
Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a
92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They
decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En
route, with siren going, they questioned the man to
determine his level of awareness.
Leaning close, one paramedic asked,
"Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"
The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the
ambulance window. He slowly turned back to the
paramedic and said, "Oh, I'd say about 50, maybe 55."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Does anybody read my blunder bit?
Noella
____________________________________________________

Beautiful landscape photography.

Today, November 5, in
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed when
he was captured before he could blow up the English Parliament.
Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th in Britain to
celebrate his failure to blow up all the members of Parliament
and King James I.
1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful
cataract operation at the Zoological Garden.
1872 In the U.S., Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting
to vote in the presidential election. She never paid the fine.
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for an
automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years later.
1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli.
1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers Company.
1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented third
term in office.
1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of
Representatives at the age of 29.
1955 The Vienna State Opera House in Austria formally re-opened.
1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during the
Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later.
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement at
L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland.
1967 In Moscow, the Ostankino Tower opened. It was the world's
tallest free-standing structure for nine years.
1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale of
weapons to Iran.
1987 In South Africa, Goban Mbeki was released after serving
24 years in the Robben Island prison. He had been sentenced
to life for treason against the white minority government.
1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong
evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child
(Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings.
1990 Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the Kach movement, was
shot to death after a speech at a New York Hotel. His assassin,
Egyptian El Sayyid, was later convicted of the murder and was
sentenced to life in prison for his part in the World Trade
Center bombing.
1992 Malice Green, a black motorist, was beaten to death in Detroit
during a struggle with police. Two officers were later convicted
in his death and sentenced to prison.
1994 Former U.S. President Reagan announced that he had Alzheimer's
1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight champion
when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th round of their WBA
fight in Las Vegas, NV.
1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed up to
5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town.
1999 A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by delegates
from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany.
1999 Dennis Rodman (NBA) and Carmen Electra were both arrested and
charged with battery and domestic violence in a hotel in Miami Beach, FL.
1999 U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that Microsoft Corp.
enjoyed "monopoly power".
2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer Airbus and
Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint venture specializing in
airline services.
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people
and wounded 30 others.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Indiana man, who was arrested after he assaulted girlfriend
because she bought the wrong kind of toilet paper
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 3, in
1847 - Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered
the anethestic qualities of chloroform.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
A loving person lives in a loving world.
A hostile person lives in a hostile world.
Everyone you meet is your mirror.
--- Ken Keyes Jr.
"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why
the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today."
--- Evan Esar
"Economists state their GNP growth projections to the
nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have
a sense of humor."
--- Edgar R. Fiedler
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for
coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the
groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured
by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith,
you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his
hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to
pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."
"Do you have any close relatives, then?"
"Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but she's a
spinster nun."
"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied.
"They are married to God."
"Okay," the man said with a smile, "then bill my
brother-in-law."
______________________________________________________
The boss at the pub went up to the bartender and asked,
"Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!"
"Oh no, sir, I sure haven't," replied the bartender.
The boss replied, "Good, then YOU fire her!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Clyde for this picture:
Strangest picture of Ireland: An Irishman without beer
or whiskey in his hand!
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Bryan Alwine,
27,
Muncie,
Indiana
Indiana man arrested after he assaulted girlfriend
because she bought the wrong kind of toilet paper
An Indiana man is facing a domestic battery charge after
allegedly throwing his girlfriend to the ground during an
argument over toilet paper, cops say.
According to a Muncie Police Department report, the victim
told cops that Bryan Alwine, 27, pushed her so hard that she
“flew” and landed in the street outside the home they share
with their daughter.
The duo had been arguing, the victim said, “over toilet paper.”
Alwine was allegedly upset because the victim had not
purchased his preferred brand of toilet paper.
As first reported by The Star Press, the woman “further
stated that Bryan is very specific on what he likes to use
and that he began yelling at her while they were still
inside the home.”
Officers responding to a 911 call Sunday night noted that
the woman, who appeared “very frightened and nervous,”
had a bloody elbow and a scratched knee. A witness who
called police said that she saw Alwine “put his hands on”
the victim and throw her to the ground.
Alwine, pictured above, was arrested for felony domestic
battery. He was freed from jail Tuesday after posting
$5000 bond. Alwine has previously been arrested for
threatening to kill the victim, who told police that a
“history of violence” between the couple has “gone on
for several years.”
Muncie police reported that the victim is not being
cooperative with investigators.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ann
Re: Mail from me
Dear Webby,
I get all kinds of mail that looks as if I had sent it,
but is definitely not from me.
I do send mail to myself frequently to file and keep,
but these mails are just spam or scams. What can I do
to stop that nuisance aside from changing my Yahoo address?
Ann
Dear Ann
Changing your Yahoo address would help for a while, but sooner
or later that nuisance will start again. We all get those
spam and scam mails.
I use MailWasher
With that I make filters to for example
mail FROM humor@webby.com
that DOES NOT CONTAIN "Humor: " in the subject line
then delete it on the server, automatically, without
even showing it in the list.
That way, when somebody sends a mail pretending to be
from humor@webby.com, but doesn't have "Humor: " in the
subject line, it gets murdered in the dark and sent
straight to hell.
You can send mail to humor@webby.com, just don't pretend
to BE humor@webby.com.
You can have all kinds of code words that will legitimize
an email, for example
DOES NOT CONTAIN RegEx "Recip|Prayr|Shoplis|Gardn"
then nuke it on the server.
You can use all the "Regular Expressions" if you want, but
usually you just use the pipe | to add a bunch of alternates
instead of making separate filters for them.
Then after that you put the appropriate keyword in the
subject line, and that email will be safe.
That trick also helps you to organize your emails and
automatically send mails with "Recip" in the subject line
into your Recipe mailbox. Most email programs let you
do that. So you win twice!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A Navy Chief ('which Navy' will go unspecified) was
being court-martialed for an incident where he was found
to be chased by a young lady through the hallways of the
hotel in which they were both staying.
Neither of them were wearing anything. The charge was
that of "being out of uniform."
The Chief's lawyer argued that the officer was not out
of uniform, as the regulations read:
"A Naval officer must be at all times appropriately attired
for the activity in which he is engaged."
The charges were dismissed.
---------
Was that you, Jim?
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Stainless Steel Cleaner
Mix 1/4 cup vinegar, 2 tbsp baking soda, and 1/8 cup
hydrogen peroxide. Add 4-6 cups hot water. Use a clean
cloth. Dip cloth in solution and wring out, leaving cloth
a little sloppy. Wipe down stainless steel with cloth.
Allow to sit a minute. Wipe down with a dry cloth. Then
wipe with a microfiber cloth. Very shiny! This solution
also works to mop linoleum and tile floors and to clean
the bathroom!
By kattt [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
It's a good thing we UNsubscribed Ms Burkenheimer. She
would probably consider this joke dirty.
Ed worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling
sporting goods. As an employee of Wal-Mart you are
sometimes required to make store-wide announcements,
e.g.,
"I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at
the paint counter."
One night a timid female voice came over the intercom
system with the following message:
"I have a customer by the balls in toys and need
assistance."
___________________________________________________

true facts about
the octopus (Not to be put in, but I love this guy :-)

____________________________________________________
The first time I heard the following story, it was told to me
about 20 years ago by Danny, a former carpet layer. Knowing
what he smoked, I actually believed him.
According to his story, Danny had just finished installing
carpet for a lady. He stepped out into the hallway for a
smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. He
rummaged in his toolbox and found a butt.
While he smoked that he surveyed the just finished room
and spotted a bump in the carpet in the middle of the
room.
"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of
smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get
out his big rubber hammer and flattened the hump. As he
was cleaning up, the lady came in.
"Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes.
"I found them in the stairway. Now, if only I could find my
gerbil."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
It’s a personal rule of mine to never litter.
My husband chewed tobacco. While out driving a few years
ago we had a cup with his nasty stuff in it and it turned
over in the car. We cleaned it up as best we could -
no napkins - and our first thought was get rid of this cup
so it doesn’t happen again. We're in the convertible anyway -
he can spit out the window.
I’m thinking - we’re so deep in the countryside now, no
one will know if I throw it. The trees were very close, and
I decided to wait for an opening so the cup wouldn’t bounce
back into our car. As soon as we came to one, I threw, right
into the face of a farmer plowing his field!
Noella
____________________________________________________

16 Amazing Stair Hack Ideas.
I love the "reading room."

Today, November 4, in
1846 - A patent for an artificial leg was granted to Benjamin Palmer.
1847 - Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered
the anethestic qualities of chloroform.
1880 - James and John Ritty patented the first cash register.
1922 - In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the
lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen.
1939 - During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality
stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy
allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents.
1939 - At the 40th National Automobile Show the first
air-conditioned car was put on display.
1942 - During World War II, Axis forces retreated from
El Alamein in North Africa. It was a major victory for
the British.
1952 - In the United States, the National Security A
gency (NSA) was established.
1956 - Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to suppress
the uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956.
1979 - Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran
and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The
militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send
the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages
were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months.
1984 - Nicaragua held its first free elections in 56 years.
1985 - Soviet defector Vitaly Yurchenko announced he was
returning to the Soviet Union. He had charged that he had
been kidnapped by the CIA.
1989 - About a million East Germans filled the streets of
East Berlin in a pro-democracy rally.
1990 - Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to
fight a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait.
1991 - Ronald Reagan opened his presidential library in
Simi Valley, CA. The dedication ceremony was attended by
President Bush and former U.S. presidents Jimmy Carter,
Gerald R. Ford and Richard M. Nixon. It was the 1st
gathering of 5 U.S. chief executives.
1995 - Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old,
was assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after
attending a peace rally.
1999 - The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against
the Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The
sanctions were imposed because the Taliban had refused to
turn over Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with
masterminding the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in
Kenya and Tanzania.
2001 - Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and
thousands of homes. The United States made the gesture
of sending humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba
received the first commercial food shipment from the U.S.
in nearly 40 years.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 3
Thank you Hermon !
Thank you Patricia !
Thank you Sig !
Thank you Heather !
Thank you Norma !
If you have trouble getting to sites, that you regularly
go to, like Arcamax or Gocomics, the problem is not at those
sites or at the servers they are on. The problem is that
a bunch of major fiber cable bundles have been cut.
One cut is nenar Kansas City, one is at or near Washington, DC,
and another one I know of is cutting off Newark and all
the data centers connected to the internet backbone there.
There is also a cut in the backbone about 108 km from
Montreal.
How do I know? Did ISIS tell me? No.
I use Traceroute from one of the Webby servers.
You can use the Windows tracert.
Click on START, type cmd and hit ENTER.
In the scary, black DOS style screen, type
tracert webby.com
or any domain you want to check,
for example
traceroute arcamax.com
If you see stars, those are breaks.
If you see 3 stars, that is a cut.
Asia looks even worse!
The Shanghai hub is not accessible.
Tokyo is cut.
Iran and Iraq are out.
India is down to 75%.
Africa is down to 0%,
so is Bulgaria, italy, Poland,Spain,
part of Sweden, and the Milton Keynes part of UK.
Australia is mostly at around 80%, as usual,
but new Zealand is 0%.
South America seems to have recovered except for Colombia.
I have no idea who made all those cuts or who coordinated
the cutting to all happen on the same day.
There is nothing you or I can do about it.
Luckily our servers are not affected.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Iowa flasher wearing only trench coat
and fake penis, who was arrested for drunk driving.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 3, in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa
Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Men who never get carried away should be.
--- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take
another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had
secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone
so he would have an excuse to leave if something like
this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes,
put on a grim expression and said,
"I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank God," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine
would have had to."
______________________________________________________
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day
that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he
went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that
read, "I'm the Boss."
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found
that someone had taped a note to the sign that said,
"Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Bonnie for this picture:
Atlantic Ocean in Hampton Beach State Park, NH about
30 miles from my house.Ā Nice day & we enjoyed the
walk on the beach couple weeks ago.Ā Like to share
with y'all.
Bonnie in Candia, NH
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Ross McDonald,
39,
Iowa City,
Iowa
Iowa flasher wearing only trench coat
and fake penis arrested for drunk driving.
After being arrested for drunk driving, a Halloween reveler
wearing only a trench coat and “a piece of cloth that
looked like a penis” attempted to eat toilet paper in a
bid to foil a Breathalyzer test, Iowa police report.
Cops yesterday pulled over Ross McDonald, 39, after they
spotted him driving the wrong way on an Iowa City street
around 3 AM. According to a criminal complaint, McDonald
was “extremely confused” and could not tell officers
“what bar he was coming from.”
McDonald, who claimed to have consumed two drinks, had
bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and unsteady balance,
cops noted. He also appeared to be dressed in a “flasher”
costume: “Def was only wearing a trench coat and a piece
of cloth that looked like a penis.”
Upon arrival at the police precinct, McDonald “attempted
to eat toilet paper, thinking it would mess with” the
Breathalyzer. McDonald had initially refused the breath
test, but “changed his mind after attempting to eat the
toilet paper.”
Despite McDonald’s cunning plan, his blood alcohol content
was measured at .165, twice the legal limit.
Since McDonald has prior drunk driving convictions, he was
hit with a felony charge carrying a maximum five-year
prison sentence. Seen in the above mug shot, McDonald was
released from jail yesterday afternoon after posting
$5000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Hank
Re: Black Screen
Dear Webby,
Still getting black screen when I surf and also stuck cursor.
I tried system restore and it wouldn't work.
Should I install the disc to renew installation?
hank
If you have a restore disk, then that would definitely be
an option.
Some machines have a restore disk in a hidden partition.
Call Support of the manufacturer and ask them to walk you
through a restore.
You have to do that, of course, back up all your data,
spreadsheet files, documents you have written, addresses,
tips and tricks and cheat-sheet files, and your awesome
collection of pussycat pictures.
Also the setup files of all programs and the license numbers
of all the bought ones.
A restore totally wipes out everything you got, and restores
the machine to the same state, that it was when you bought it.
A total back-up like that is of course highly recommended
anyway, even if you are not going to restore just yet.
Before getting quite that drastic, you could try installing
Chrome and then Uninstalling IE and FF.
I would also recommend that you use the DeCrapifier at
https://www.pcdecrapifier.com/ and weed out any program,
that you are not actually using.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A couple was going out for the evening. They were both
ready to go, nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne,
cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their
home, the cat shot back into the house. Not wanting
their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while
they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase
the cat out.
Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house
would be empty for the evening, so she explained to the
taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to
my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and
said, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid old ninny was
hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a wet mop
to get her to come out."
The cab driver almost hit a parked car.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Picasso Light Switch Plate Cover
Turn a plain white light switch cover into a little Picasso
like painting.
Approximate Time: 25 min
Supplies:
1 light switch cover with screws
1 flat screwdriver
sponge to clean surface on switchplate cover
newspaper
permanent markers or acrylic paint
paint brushes
Steps:
Turn light off. Remove light switch cover if you don't
already have one.
Place down newspaper.
Wipe well with sponge and dry.
Mark basic ouline with black permanent marker, including eye,
nose, and mouth.
Paint and color, use your own ideas and colors. Have fun
creating abstract art known as cubism!
Let it dry or speed up drying with a hair dryer.
When completely dry, screw in switchplate. Position the
screws to match eye and lips and paint them.
Let it dry or speed up drying with a hair dryer.
When completely dry, screw in switchplate. Position the
screws to match eye and lips and paint them.
All done! Enjoy your little Picasso like mini painting. :)
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn_-ckw4um8
By KIM HOGGAN [8]
You can, of course, also just glue wallpaper or any picture
onto switch and outlet covers. Spray-on contact cement
works best. Spray the switch cover and the back of the
picture, let it dry a bit, and position it on it.
Trim the edges or fold them under it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A kindergarten teacher is walking around her classroom
observing her students while they draw. One little girl is
working especially diligently, so the teacher asks what
she is working on.
"I'm drawing God," the child says.
The teacher pauses, then says, "But no one knows what
God looks like."
Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replies, "They will in a minute."
___________________________________________________

2015 World Synchro Champs SP Team Canada

____________________________________________________
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a
woman: before marriage
and after marriage.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
In the 1960s I was still very young and working at my very
first job. To supplement my income I cleaned house on
Saturdays for a friend. My friend was quite messy plus he
had a large dog that shed pounds of hair, so it usually
took several hours to clean his apartment. One day I was
about ready to go home when he called to ask if I would
place some chicken in the oven to broil as he'd be home
soon.
Where I grew up we fried chicken, so I knew nothing about
broiling. I asked for instructions and he told me to pull
out the rack, place the chicken on it and turn on the
broiler. It sounded easy enough so I took him at his word
and placed the chicken on the rack and turned on the oven
to “broil.”
About 15-20 minutes later he came home looking forward to
broiled chicken. You're going to have to "picture" this.
What he came home to was chicken laying on the oven rack,
the skin hanging and dripping between the slats!
I had no idea there was a difference in oven racks and
broiler racks. I sure did after I cleaned up the mess!
Noella
____________________________________________________

Watching these kinetic
sculptures is mesmerizing!

Today, November 3, in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa
Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa.
1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts Bay
Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to dedicate himself
to the conversion of Native Americans to Christianity.
1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted.
England insisted on monopoly rights to sell Opium.
1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at LaPorte,
IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger.
1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Columbia.
1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis Chevrolet
and William C. Durant.
1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the Japanese
may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S.
1952 Frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time in a
supermarket in Chester, NY.
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the second manmade
satellite to be put into orbit and was the first to put an animal into
space, a dog named Laika. There was not enough cooling and the dog
died from heatstroke.
1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. On March 29, 1974 it
became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury.
1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot to death
in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally in Greensboro, NC.
Eight others were wounded.
1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first broke the
story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the release of seven
American hostages. The story turned into the Iran-Contra affair.
1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of arms to Iran.
1991 Israeli and Palestinian representatives held their first-ever
face-to-face talks in Madrid, Spain.
1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning her two
sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that the children had
been abducted by a black carjacker.
1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at Arlington
National Cemetery to the 270 victims of the bombing of Pan Am
Flight 103.
1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former pro
wrestler, as its governor.
2002 At Kai Tak Airport in Hong Kong, 777 people assembled a
58,435 square foot jigsaw puzzle with 21,600 pieces.
2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft constitution
was unveiled.
2005 Walt Disney Pictures released "Chicken Little." It was the
first Disney film completely created with computer animation.
2014 In New York City, One World Trade Center opened for
business.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 2
Thank you Andy !!!
Thank you Carol !
Thank you Virginia !!.
Thank you James !
Thank you Richard !
Thank you Bonnie !
Thank You Gary !!.
Thank you William .
Thank You Svend !.
Thank You Ronald !
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to
Florida twin women arrested after holding up
convenience store
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 2, in
1921 Margaret Sander's National Birth Control League combined with
Mary Ware Denetts Voluntary Parenthood League to form the American
Birth Control League.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous
without ability.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
--- David Dunham
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Seen in a State Park in California:
"Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope)
Check the Rock.
If it's wet, it's raining.
If it's moving, it's windy.
If you can't see it, it's foggy.
If rock is gone, it's a tornado."
I wonder if that was inspired by the old 2 foot iron ball
windometer by the bridge outside of Lethbridge, Alberta?
One time driving by there a few decades ago I noticed the
ball was missing and mentioned it to my hitch-hiker.
She didn't think it was safe to drive on up to Calgary.
I agreed with her and we soon found safe and quite
cozy refuge in a really nice motel :-)
______________________________________________________
Church was planning a chili supper for the homeless,
and Florence agreed to prepare four gallons of her rather
mild variation. The man in charge of organizing the program
asked Florence how she would describe her chili
-- three alarm or four alarm.
After hearing some of the ingredients that went into other
chili donations, Florence replied, "I guess you'd call mine
false alarm."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Gary for this picture:
Hello Webby,
Huckleberry Lake is a favorite fishing spot of mine.
Located in the Absaroka-Beartooth wilderness of Montana.
It was the last picture the old 35mm took before it died.
Feel free to post it if you want.
Gary Lorenzen
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Thanks to Walter, The Stonecarver for
reporting this one:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kirstie Bergeron, Kayla Bergeron
24,
Daytona Beach,
Florida
Florida twins arrested after holding up
convenience store
Twin sisters are locked up on robbery charges after they
allegedly held up a Florida convenience store at gunpoint
Tuesday evening.
According to police, Kirstie Bergeron and her sibling Kayla
walked into the Food Mart store in Daytona Beach and proceeded
to a refrigerator, where Kayla selected a bottle of ginger ale.
The 24-year-old twins then approached the front counter.
“I have a gun, open the register!” announced Kayla, as detailed
in a Circuit Court charging affidavit. “Are you kidding me?”
replied clerk Sabbir Ahmed.
Kayla then “removed her hand from her pocket and displayed
what appeared to be a small handgun,” reported an investigator.
As Kayla pointed the piece at Ahmed, the 37-year-old worker
opened the cash register and Kirstie reached over the counter
and snatched $230.
The Bergerons fled the scene in a black Volkswagen Beetle
that was parked next to the store. But as the twins departed,
Ahmed copied down the car’s license plate number. The siblings
were soon arrested after a traffic stop less than a mile
from the Food Mart.
Kirstie and Kayla are pictured in the above mug shots.
While cops recovered the stolen cash and the ginger ale, no
firearm was found. Police suspect the weapon “may have been
discarded” following the robbery.
Charged with robbery with a firearm or deadly weapon, the
Bergerons are each locked up in the Volusia County jail
on $25,000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Free Powerpoint
Dear Webby,
For some reason I have micros-soft office Word and Excel,
but no Power Point program. Is it safe to download one of
the free Powerpoint programs without worry about crap getting
on my computer? Thanks, I know it sounds like a 'dumb'
question, but I want no virus or tracking stuff on my
otherwise safe zones; I use both Malwarbeytes and Avast.
Again, I'm so glad your computer guru talents are available
to people like me!
SD
Dear Sandra
Yes, if you go to the vendors directly, it is perfectly safe.
You can get Open Office at
http://www.openoffice.org/download/
They celebrated their 100 MILLIONth download by last month.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
One evening a few years ago my
friend Bill ran out of gas on his way home from work.
Being short on cash, as usual, he walked 6 Miles
to get home, and left his pick-up truck where it sat, in
front of the topless bar next door to the massage parlor.
By then his wife had gone to Bingo and he couldn't get
neither money for gas, nor a ride back to the truck, so
he cooked supper, cleaned up the kitchen and then
went to bed.
At the next church elder meeting, Miss Myrna, the
town gossip ranted on about his immoral conduct and
about how she had PROOF, because she saw where
he had parked ALL night !
Well, Bill told his co-workers about that, and one of
them was a regular at that topless bar. That guy told
the story there. From then on, whenever he or his friends
planned to later take a cab home rather than drive drunk,
they all parked their vehicles in front of Miss Myrna's
lonely house, - and walked half a mile to the bar.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing a Stuck Lid from a Pan
My boyfriend was making burgers and wanted to melt cheese
on top of one with a bun covering it. To melt the cheese
faster, he put a glass lid over the burger and the steam
sucked it into the pan and then it was stuck. I did a Google
search for help without much luck. I left the pan in the
fridge for a few days, took it out today and decided to hit
the side of the pan against the concrete. The lid came out
instantly! Try this instead of other methods and you'll get
your pan back in record time!
By Stacy G. [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old
dance called the Politician.
"All you have to do" she told her class, is this:
two steps forward,
three steps back,
then side-step, side-step,
turn around"
___________________________________________________

Crazy dog chases it's own leg

____________________________________________________
Why did the Newfie businessman go fishing instead of
attending a meeting?
"Just for the halibut."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
The day was already going badly. I'm complaining to Bill
that the milk had been left out all night, it was the last
day to renew car tags, but we needed an inspection and
everybody was closed, the shopping cart at Aldis won’t let
me have my cart nor my quarter back. Then while unloading
groceries I lock my purse and keys in the trunk. As I said,
the day was not good.
I remembered the back seat pulled down, so here I am with
my back killing me, crawling around the back of a small
Cavalier fighting groceries. Finally find my purse and keys,
crawl out and drive home where I have to unload groceries
(about 6 trips) up six steps and into the house. Then there's
laundry and emptying the dishwasher and putting groceries
away. BUT I have to go back to the store because I forgot
we need stuff for the Halloween party for 40+ kids.
I am really feeling sorry for myself and I'm complaining -
crawling around did not help my back. I'm looking for
sympathy, but Bill just questions, Why didn’t you use
the trunk release beside the front seat?
Noella
____________________________________________________

Best of the month of October, People Are Awesome.

Today, November 2, in
1721 Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed his
title to emperor.
1776 During the American Revolutionary War, William Demont, became
the first traitor of the American Revolution when he deserted.
1867 "Harpers Bazaar" magazine was founded.
1883 Thomas Edison got a patent for an electrical indicator using
the Edison effect lamp (U.S. Pat. 307,031).
1895 In Chicago, IL, the first American gasoline powered car contest
1917 British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed support for
a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine.
1921 Margaret Sander's National Birth Control League combined with
Mary Ware Denetts Voluntary Parenthood League to form the American
Birth Control League.
1930 Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia.
1930 The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic rubber.
It was named DuPrene.
1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden airplane,
for eight minutes in California. It was the plane's first and only
flight. The "Spruce Goose," nicknamed because of the white-gray
color of the spruce used to build it, never went into production.
1963 South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was assassinated in
a military coup.
1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans to apply for
permanent residence in the U.S.
1979 Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New Jersey
prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for the 1973
murder of a New Jersey state trooper.
1984 Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed in the U.S.
since 1962. She had been convicted of the poisoning death of her
boyfriend.
1986 American hostage David Jacobson was released after being held in
Lebanon for 17 months by Shiite Muslims kidnappers.
1989 Carmen Fasanella retired after 68 years and 243 days of taxicab
service in Princeton, NJ.
1992 Magic Johnson retired from the NBA again, this time for good because
of fear due to his HIV infection.
1993 The U.S. Senate called for full disclosure of Senator Bob Packwood's
diaries in a sexual harassment probe.
1995 The U.S. expelled Daiwa Bank Ltd. for allegedly covering up $1.1 billion
in trading losses.
2001 The computer-animated movie "Monsters, Inc." opened. The film recorded
the best debut ever for an animated film and the 6th best of all time.
2003 In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated the church's
first openly gay bishop.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 31
End of Summer Time in most of North America.
Let your clocks fall back an hour tonight.
You get an extra hour of sleep.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award
and a Darwin Award goes to a
Tennessee fugitive killed in police shoot-out
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 29, in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been
educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.
--- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think
of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
--- Mark Twain
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then
to give a thought for the other fellow.
He could be plotting something.
--- Hagar the Horrible
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing a
ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man
and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied,
"You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"
______________________________________________________
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with
great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world,
I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the
wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in
the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced
with a wide grin, "For our .hic... clo-shing shong, let ush
shing Hymn # 365: "We Shall Gather at the River."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by
Floyd Ray Cook,
62,
Brookhaven,
Georgia
Tennessee fugitive killed in police shoot-out
A fugitive accused of shooting a Tennessee police officer
and firing at a Kentucky trooper was killed in a shootout
with authorities early Friday, ending a nearly weeklong
manhunt.
Floyd Ray Cook, 62, was pronounced dead at the scene near
Burkesville, Ky., after being confronted by state troopers
and a federal marshal who were searching an embankment,
a Kentucky State Police rep says. Cook was armed with a
handgun and exchanged gunfire with the officers, the
rep adds. No officers were injured. Cook was accused
of shooting and wounding an Algood, Tenn., police officer
during a traffic stop last Saturday afternoon and fled
in a black Ford truck.
Just over an hour later, a Kentucky State Police trooper
tried to stop him just beyond the Tennessee state line,
authorities say. Cook tried to speed away but wrecked.
He allegedly opened fire on the officer, missed, and
ran into the woods.
A swath of the border between Kentucky and Tennessee
had since been gripped with fear of the man authorities
described as "armed, dangerous, and desperate."
Convicted of rape in the 1970s, Cook was wanted in
Marion County, Ky., for failing to comply with the sex
offender registry, a sheriff says. He also had previous
convictions for robbery, burglary, assault, and riot,
and he was wanted in Hardin County on an indictment
charging him with trafficking methamphetamine and
tampering with evidence.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Dave
Re: Keystroke recorder
Dear Webby,
I hope all is well. I wanted to know if you have hear of a
program that will allow your computer to record the keystrokes
and then "replay them" (to cut down on repetitive tasks)?
Thanks,
Dave
Dear Dave
There are lots of those. They are usually called macro
recorders. An old one has been in Windows since 3.1, I think.
The XP and up version is described with instructions at
Macro Recorder
Here is a review of the top ten macro recorders:
Top 10
Just pick the one that suits you best.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A mother took her three year old daughter to church for
the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the
choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was
quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice
"Happy Birthday to you!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ice for Getting Gum out of a Dryer
When I found the gum, I didn't want to put a chemical in
my dryer, nor did I want to scrape it with a knife and an
ice cube. Here is how I got gum out of my dryer fast.
I had saved a couple of those plastic fishnet bottle or
candle covers (open at both ends) in my junk drawer. I
took a rubber band and sealed off one end of the plastic
cover. I filled it with ice and sealed off the other end
with another rubber band. I scrubbed using the ice bag
as a sponge and followed with a dry rag. It made quick
work of getting the gum out of the dryer.
By Mary Keenan W. [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
During a rather heated argument a teenager said,
"I didn't ask to be born."
His father: replied,
"Good thing you didn't 'Cause the answer would have
been 'NO!!!'."
___________________________________________________

Restroom Mirror prank

____________________________________________________
After listening restlessly to a long and tedious sermon, a 6
year old boy asked his father what the preacher did the rest
of the week.
"Oh, he's a very busy man," the father replied. "He takes
care of church business, visits the sick, ministers to the
poor...and then he has to have time to rest up. Talking in
public isn't an easy job, you know."
The boy thought about that, then said,
"Well, listening ain't easy, either."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Saturday mornings in St. Louis I'd walk downtown, shop for a
while, eat lunch, catch a movie, and then walk home. This
particular day even though my hair was a mess and really
needed washing, it was very important that I pick up whatever
it was I needed, so I walked downtown. While looking through
the electronics department, I noticed on their television that
there was a lady whose hair was similar to mine and I thought
to myself, well, her hair doesn’t look so bad. The longer I
studied the screen I noticed that her clothes were similar to
my own.
I studied her a while, and I finally realized I was watching
myself. This was the first time I’d ever seen a closed-circuit
TV in use. I had to look around and make sure no one saw me
“admiring” myself before I hurried out.
Noella
____________________________________________________

AirShow Budapest
Beautiful town and awesome aerobatics

Today, October 31, in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany.
1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers
(Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria).
1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy.
1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis
resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been
damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the
stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini
had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and
their ability to withstand hard blows.
1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain
prevented Germany from invading Britain.
1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of work.
At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents George Washington,
Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln
were finished.
1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a
German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered
World War II. More than 100 men were killed.
1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb.
1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a
revolt against French rule.
1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land
an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first
person to set foot on the South Pole.
1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth,
TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the
time he was in Moscow, Russia.
1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all U.S.
bombing of North Vietnam.
1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as
Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain.
1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during the
U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had
mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital.
1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated near
her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son, Rajiv,
was sworn in as prime minister.
1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns had
been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles Taylor were
blamed for the murders.
1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72, plunged
into a northern Indiana farm.
1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to life in
prison after being convicted of second-degree murder in the death
of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released after her sentence
was reduced to manslaughter.
1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with U.N. arms
inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the country's weapons
of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's invasion of Kuwait in 1990.
1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket, MA,
killing all 217 people aboard.
1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran Church
signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of Justification. The
event ended a centuries-old doctrinal dispute over the nature of
faith and salvation.
2007 Google shares hit $700 for the first time.
2008 Distribution Video Audio, Inc. shipped its final shipment of
VHS tapes to stores. The company was the last major United States
supplier of pre-recorded VHS tapes.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Georgia man, who was arrested after he smashed Waffle House
door to protest 50-cent biscuit hike
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 29, in
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton
County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave
uprising in American history.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Few things are harder to put up with than the
annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to
guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged as
he hesitated.
"I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the
trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten
years younger because of your looks of ten years older
because of your wisdom."
______________________________________________________
HOW FAITHS FIGHT FIRES
Recently, just as an ecumenical gathering was
commencing, a secretary rushed in shouting, "The
building is on fire!"
The Methodists gathered in a corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for blessings that fire
brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring that
fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics called Rome for instructions.
The Jews blamed the Christians and demanded they should pay.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself."
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that the toxic fumes
from the burning carpets would kill them before the fire
reached them.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson, who was to
appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a
written report.
The Pentecostals danced and sang with joy, "The Pentecostal
fire has come!"
The Unity Students proclaimed the fire had no power over them.
Some Atheists in attendance didn't believe there was a fire.
The Muslims stated it was Ahlla's will.
The Pastafarians grabbed the fire extinguisher, put out
the fire and conrtinued eating their spaghetti.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by
Mitchell Harris Feinberg,
39,
Brookhaven,
Georgia
Man arrested after he smashed Waffle House
door to protest 50-cent biscuit hike
Mitchell Harris Feinberg, 39, was arrested Sunday morning
after police said he shattered the front door of a Waffle
House in Brookhaven, Georgia.
The reason for the breakfast breaking: He was allegedly
angry the restaurant raised the price for a sausage biscuit
from $1 to $1.50, WSBTV.com reports.
A Waffle House waitress told police that when Feinberg saw
the bill with the 50-cent price hike, he became belligerent
because “someone had only charged him $1 [for a sausage
biscuit] on previous dates,” according to the Atlanta
Journal-Constitution.
Surveillance video reportedly shows the suspect get up from
a corner booth, throw his bill on the floor and kick the
front door on his way out.
When the glass shattered, Feinberg fled the scene, only to
be arrested outside a nearby apartment complex a short time
later.
Police said Feinberg told them he "barely kicked the door”
when it shattered, and said he only kicked it because “he
did not want to open the greasy door with his hand,”
according to the police report.
Feinberg was booked into the DeKalb County Jail on charges
of disorderly conduct, criminal trespass and criminal damage
to property. He remains in custody in lieu of $2,500 bond.
The Brookhaven Police Dept. decided to use the incident as
a teachable moment on Facebook.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Christine
Re: How do you know a caller is a scammer?
Dear Webby,
How do I know a caller is a scammer?
Couldn't it be somebody helpful?
Christine
Dear Christine
Except for close friends, NOBODY legitimate calls you
out of the blue about supposed problems in your computer.
You can ignore those totally phony messages about Microsoft
contacting you if they ever find out why a program locked
up. That's from Windows 3, and they have never contacted
anybody yet, as far as I know.
If the caller claims to be from your ISP, then they are
just as phony. Your ISP does not give a hoot about what
goes on inside your computer, as long as YOU don't call
them.
The same goes for anybody calling and asking any
information "to verify that it is really you."
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Who is known as the "godfather of America"?
German geographer and mapmaker Martin Waldseemueller,
whose book "Cosmographiae Introductio" was first
published in 1507, named the New World "America"
in the mistaken belief that it was Italian navigator
and merchant Amerigo Vespucci who discovered the
new continent.
And the Indians are forever grateful that they were
not discovered while somebody got lost on the way
to Turkey.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sorting Socks into Pairs
The one item I never put into a dryer is socks, because they
always seem to shrink in there. So instead they get hung on
the washing line on good days, or indoors on a foldaway airer
on rainy days. Either way, this makes for a good opportunity
to sort socks into pairs at an optimum time.
It's a job I am sure that most of us hate, but if you do it
as you hang them up it is an absolute breeze to sort out
which matches what. Then very simply bunch the pairs together
as you take them down once they are dry. Have a shoe box or
something similar for odd socks and keep them in there for
a few weeks in case their partners turn up on a subsequent
washday.
By ShirleyE [29]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A young mother was visiting a doctor friend and made no
attempt to restrain her four-year-old son, who was
ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra
loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope
you don't mind Johnny being in there."
"Nah," said the doctor calmly, "That's just poisons in
there. They take some time but are quite effective.
He'll be quiet soon."
___________________________________________________

The drunk

____________________________________________________
On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised
his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and
said, I don't belong here, I should be in third
grade!'
The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told
him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed
when little Larry stood up again and said, I don't
belong here, I should be in the third grade!'
Larry did this a few more times before the principal
came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem.
The principal told little Larry that if he could
answer some questions that they could decide in which
grade he belonged.
Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the
state capitals and country capitals that the principal
could think of. The teacher suggested they try some
biology questions.
What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?'
asked the teacher.
'Legs!' Larry immediately replied.
What does a man have in his pants that a woman
doesn't?' asked the teacher.
Pockets!' said Larry.
The teacher looked at the principal, who said, Maybe
he should be in third grade, I flunked those last two
questions!'
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
For as long as I can remember I've been plagued with
trying to remember names and faces. All the tried and true
remedies failed.
One day in the checkout lane at a new grocery store, a young
man came up, pushed my cart away, and started bagging my
groceries. I was wondering now how am I going to get them out
to my car, they're way too heavy to carry.
I was about to ask for the cart when he asked if I wanted
help. Irritated, I said yes,¯ thinking now that you pushed
my cart away, you CAN take them out for me.
However, he was very pleasant and chatted about what a nice
day it was. I replied that yes it WAS a nice day, I just
needed to find my car. (I also forget stuff like that.)
He responded, "Oh that's okay, I see it."¯
Surprised, I asked, How do YOU know where my car is?"
His reply --
"I'm your next-door neighbor!"¯
Noella
____________________________________________________

Let's arm chair travel
around this big ol' beautiful world we live on. It will only take about a week.

Today, October 30, in
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established
by Simon Bolivar.
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton
County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave
uprising in American history.
1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular vote.
1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the Sherman
Silver Purchase Act of 1890.
1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper.
1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio.
The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live
news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among listeners.
1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing.
1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of
approximately 58 megatons.
1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to increase
Social Security spending by $5.3 billion.
1972 45 people were killed when two trains collided in Chicago.
1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator
Francisco Franco was near death.
1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline "Ford to City:
Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S. President
Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed federal
bailout of New York City.
1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro-Solidarity
priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was blamed on four
security officers.
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 percent
of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York.
1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space,
performed the world's first animal dissections in space,
while aboard the space shuttle Columbia.
1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian
President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's military
still in control.
1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a
referendum concerning secession from the federation of Canada.
1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane and the
39 people on board was killed when anti-terrorist squads raided
the plane.
2001 In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw out
the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between the New
York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks.
2001 Michael Jordan returned to the NBA with the Washington Wizards
after a 3 1/2 year retirement. The Wizards lost 93-91 to the
New York Knicks.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award and a Darwin Award goes to a
Dopey UCSB Student, who died from blood loss
after punching through window
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 29, in
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an
independent commonwealth.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
The best ideas come as jokes.
Make your thinking as funny as possible.
--- David M. Ogilvy
"Committees have become so important nowadays that
subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work."
--- Laurence J. Peter
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
More than anything, a young man from the city wanted
to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took
pity on him and gave the lad a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We
use it to catch cows."
"I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as
he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for
bait?"
"City Slickers. Cows love chasing and scaring them."
______________________________________________________
The other night, Joe and his wife were going out for
dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow,
eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush, lipstick,
and then turned to me and a dozen other mysterious
concoctions, and then asked:
"Does this look natural?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by
Andres Esteban Sanchez,
20,
Poway,
California
Dopey UCSB Student Dies from Blood Loss
After Punching Through Window
UCSB student Andres “Andy” Sanchez died in surgery Sunday
morning at Cottage Hospital two hours after he punched
through a window in his Isla Vista apartment and severely
lacerated his arm.
According to the Nexus report, which relied on information
provided by Senior Deputy James McKarrell with the Isla
Vista Foot Patrol, Sheriff’s deputies responded at approx
4:40 a.m. to the 6700 block of Abrego Road after receiving
calls of a male subject running down the street screaming
for help.
When deputies came upon a panicked Sanchez in a nearby
apartment complex, three people were holding him down and
attempting to calm him. A blanket had been wrapped around
his arm, and when the deputies removed it, they observed
a “cut approximately three-quarter inches in diameter
around his arm.” Witnesses said blood was “literally flying”
from the wound.
Sanchez, a second-year pre-biology major from Poway,
California, was transported to Cottage Hospital but died
from blood loss just before 7 a.m.
One of Sanchez’s roommates told authorities he had rushed
into their apartment earlier in the evening “talking
gibberish, and obviously under the influence of drugs” the
Nexus reported. At some point he punched through a window
and cut his arm on the broken glass.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Francine
Re: Phone call about computer problems
Dear Webby,
You sure saved me some trouble today. I am sure glad I was
able to contact you via Skype while I was on the phone with
the scammer. You were hilarious!
Please tell all the subscribers about our little adventure!
You got a much better way with words than I do.
Francine
Dear Francine
OK, will do.
Francine got a call from somebody with an Indian or Pakistani
accent, telling her that she has problems in her computer,
that are affecting her ISP and the Internet.
Francine is a pretty smart lady and thought that was not
right. So she correctly guessed that my Skype handle is
dearwebby, and contacted me, while stalling the scammer.
As they usually do, he told her to click on START,
type Eventvwr and hit Enter.
Eventvwr is some ancient viewer from troubleshooting
Windows during developing Windows95, and the "events" shown
are totally harmless and of interest only to programmers.
A print job, for example, can generate a dozen or more
Warnings and Errors, before Windows and the Printer agree
on a proper handshake. No big deal. That's how Windows
works.
The scammer tried to scare Francine about the Warnings and
Errors, and I fed Francine smart-ass remarks and dumb
questions to sidetrack the scammer.
Needless to say, she did not download anything and did not
agree to anything. The scammer wanted her to download
a program, so that he could reach into her computer and
"assist" her in fixing the problems. Yeah, right.
Much fun was had by us giving the scammer the runaround.
After we tired of that nonsense, Francine told the scammer
what to do with a Billy-Goat.
If you get a call from anybody telling you that you have
problems in your computer, don't download anything, don't
go visit any pages, don't agree to anything, and don't give
them any information, no correct information anyway.
Play stupid, difficult, paranoid, aggressive, whatever.
Just don't cooperate.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
On their 40th wedding anniversary, during the banquet,
the husband was asked to give his friends a brief
account of the benefits of a marriage of such long
duration.
One in the crowd said, "Tell us, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful years with your
wife?"
The husband said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is
the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty,
meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness . .
and a lot of other disciplines that you wouldn't
have needed if you had stayed single."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Uses for Mint Tins
I hate to throw away those cute mint tins so I've come up
with a few idea's to use them in the car or purse.
I put in some almonds/cashews (or your favorite) nuts to
keep in the car for when I get a snack urge. Then I don't
buy junk food......as often~
I also keep a few of my husband's meds in a tin, then if
we are out visiting and stay over, he always has them!
I bring along my vitamin supplements that I take. I also
bring along chewable vitamins like calcium chews or
gummies for adults that we never seem to want to take at
home and have them on the road. Then our gummy snack is
actually a healthy one!
It's a great mini first aid kit and can hold quite a number
of band aids, ibuprofen, alcohol wipes, etc.
I always keep a $20 bill and a number of quarters in the car
as well. You could lose a wallet, run out of gas without
your credit card, need toll money. You never know!
If you like to take spontaneous hikes or nature walks, a tin
with a few additional items like: a whistle, matches (and the
relighting birthday candles!) plus a pocket knife, mirror
(for signaling if lost) are great to carry along!
These are ideas for just the car/purse, in the house the
options are endless!
So don't throw out those tins!
By Donna [291]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
We stopped for a quick meal and the waiter brought us
each a bowl of soup.
As the waiter turned away to return to the kitchen, Pa
stopped him, calling: "Waiter!"
"Yes ,sir, is there something wrong?"
"The soup. Taste it," replied Pa.
"I beg your pardon, Sir?"
"Taste it."
"But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
"Taste it," Pa persisted.
"Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest
ingredients."
"Taste it!"
The exasperated waiter finally relented. "All right,
Sir, I'll taste it."
Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
To which Pa replied triumphantly, "Ah ha ... "
___________________________________________________

I GOT this dance!

____________________________________________________
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased
that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly
led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.
"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said.
"I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better
than any I ever had over there."
"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use
domestic cheese. Ours is imported."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
The year was 1974, I didn't have a crock pot or any other
modern kitchen doodads. I had just moved into a new apartment
and equipping a kitchen was the least of my concerns. As long
as the oven made heat and the fridge made cold, I was satisfied.
Anyway, a friend was coming over for dinner so I had to draw
from my scant culinary skills. PBJ sandwiches came to mind but
I was able to fend off the thought. I'd heard that you could
put a roast in the oven, turn it on to 200 F (93.3 C), and let
it cook all day. Sounded okay to me so in the oven went the
roast and I left for work.
Eight hours later, I drove up to my apartment (an old house
that was divided into units) and as I'm getting out of the car,
I'm wondering what IS that odor? The closer I got to my door,
the stronger it became. I followed the plume to a white oven
that was now several endearing shades of brown. As if the
experience hadn’t done enough damage to my ego, I proceeded to
open the oven door. I didn't see how any more smoke could be
in there, but my judgment was about to take the same beating my
ego had suffered. There was a big enough cloud in there to darken
all the adjacent apartments and then some! After gaining some
modicum of composure, I grabbed a pair of pot holders and blindly
reached around for the pan that held my roast. I found it just as
I was ready to collapse from smoke inhalation and carried it out
to the front porch. I tried to take the lid off but It wouldn't
budge. After several minutes of praying and prying with a screwdriver,
I was finally able to pop the lid. Once the smoke from inside the pan
had cleared, I saw what had happened to my beautiful roast. I poked
it with the screwdriver and found that it went all the way through to
the air beneath the crust. Ninety five percent of my beautiful
roast was billowing out of my apartment windows - the other five
percent was in my lungs. It had not been a good day.
I later discovered that my oven had one tiny eccentricity. No matter
what I set it for, it cooked at 550 F (288 C). If I had gone to my
mail box, it would have been done by the time I got back.
Those PBJ sandwiches were sounding better by the minute.
____________________________________________________

18 reasons you
should never travel to Chiapas.

Today, October 29, in
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that
had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy
against King James I.
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an
independent commonwealth.
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was
the founder of Pennsylvania.
1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was founded.
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley,
was electrocuted.
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution
of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal,
later known as Kemal Ataturk.
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the
Wall Street stock market.
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S.
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went
on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price
of $12.50 each.
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez
Canal Crisis.
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use
close-circuit television.
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional fight.
1966 The National Organization for Women was founded.
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all
school segregation.
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records.
He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting him
over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season.
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding
discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or
marital status
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's
regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages during
its occupation of Kuwait.
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit an
asteroid (Gaspra).
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to
pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President
Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power.
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the
Food and Drug Administration.
1995 Jerry Rice of the San Francisco 49ers became the NFL's
career leader in receiving yards with 14,040 yards.
1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission
condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the
African National Congress.
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn
on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the
first American to orbit the Earth.
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for
$2 million at a New York auction.
2001 KTLA broadcasted the first coast to coast HDTV
network telecast.
2014 The smartwatch Microsoft Band was released.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man, who was arrested for attacking a
Karaoke DJ over mic volume
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 28, in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly
pathetic that it has to be us.
--- Jerry Garcia, (of the Grateful Dead)
"The nine most terrifying words in the English
language are, 'I'm from the government and
I'm here to help.'
--- Ronald Reagan
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The basketball coach stormed into the university
President's office and demanded a raise right then and
there.
"Please," protested the college President, "you
already make more than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put
up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an
example."
The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock
who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my
office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out
of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President,
scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."
______________________________________________________
Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing
his wedding ring. She asked,
"Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?"
He replied, "It cuts off my circulation."
She answered back, "It's supposed to!"
______________________________________________________
Kansas
My friend shared this tree with me. I thought you might enjoy it too.
Be safe and careful. You are a valued person.
Janice
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Joshua Fort,
26,
DeBary,
Florida,
Florida man was arrested for attacking
Karaoke DJ over mic sound
The only record this karaoke singer will have is a
criminal one.
A man in DeBary, Florida, was arrested Thursday morning
after police said he assaulted a karaoke DJ at Blackie's
Bar.
Joshua Fort, 26, was performing the Jay Z and Justin
Timberlake jam "Holy Grail' with another man, when he
sounded a discordant note at the job being done by DJ
Omar Isaac, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal.
Police said when Isaac didn't pump up the volume on
Fort's microphone, the suspect responded in a way that
speaks volumes.
First, Fort grabbed the DJ’s laptop computer and slammed
it shut. Then witnesses said the suspect threw a glass at
Isaac that hit the DJ on the side of his head.
Fort is also accused of pulling the DJ to the dance floor
and throwing him on the ground there, according to WNDB.com.
Fort fled the scene, but later turned himself into the
Volusia County Jail, where he was charged with aggravated
battery with a deadly weapon. He was released on $5,000 bond.
The suspect told police he ran from the karaoke bar because
because he “knew he was going to be in trouble” and that
“everyone would point fingers at him,” according to a police
report obtained by WNDB.com.
Before his arrest, he was treated at a local hospital for
injury to his left hand.
Because the alleged crime centered around karaoke, the
Florida Sun-Sentinel suggested the suspect be shipped off
to Sing Sing.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Neil
Re: Tracker PDF editor
Dear Webby,
PDF Exchange does have a free version that is likely to be
close to the same as Nitro. On their main page, in the
upper left corner just below the banner is a graphic that
says Get Free PDF Viewer now. If you click on that graphic
it will download the free viewer. I liked their product
so much that I purchased it, but I have many pdf docs that
I must edit and annotate.
http://www.tracker-software.com/
Neil
Dear Neil
Thank you for that info!
Marlene also reported on that:
"this is a program I have used for several years.
this version is free"
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A minister was planning a wedding at the close
of the Sunday morning service.
After the benediction he had planned to call the
couple down to be married for a brief ceremony
before the congregation. For the life of him, he
couldn't think of the names of those who were
to be married. So he simply asked:
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?"
Immediately, nine single ladies, four widows,
tree widowers, two single men and a lady in a formal
wedding gown stepped to the front.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Molasses Sugar Cookies
This is a crisp spice cookie. I make them every Christmas
and give some away for gifts. They were my late mother's
favorite and it reminds me of her when I make them.
Approximate Time: About 15 minutes plus 1 hour chilling
and 8-10 min.baking time
Yield: Approximately 3 doz.
Ingredients:
3/4 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg
2 tsp baking soda
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
Steps:
Melt the shortening in a 3 or 4 quart saucepan over low heat.
Remove from heat and let cool. Then add sugar, molasses and
egg and beat well using an electric hand mixer.
In a separate bowl combine the flour with the rest of the
dry ingredients.
Mix the wet and dry ingredients together. Chill for 1 hour.
Form into 1 inch balls and roll in granulated sugar.
Place on a greased cookie sheet, a silicon mat or parchment
paper. Space about 2 inches apart.
Bake at 375ŗF for 8-10 minutes.
Source: A recipe on the bottle of Brer Rabbit Molasses
By Diana W. [12]
You can drastically cut down on the sugar and increase
molasses to get traditional soft gingerbread cookies.
You have to add more flour until you can roll the dough
into balls. They will melt into flat cookies in the oven.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
One day, Jean-Claude decided to take a trip from
Montreal (where he lived) to that great city of
Boston.. He went to the airport to buy a ticket and
found out the cost was $200 one-way.
Well Jean-Claude only had $110 on him. But he saw a
sign saying half-fare for persons under 18. Well, now
Jean-Claude had just turned 18 three months ago so he
lied..a bit. And got a ticket for $100.
Well during the flight, he talking with the passenger
seated next to him. And, in the course of their little
chat, he boisterously mentioned the 18th birthday party
his friends had for him. Since Jean-Claude talked
fairly loudly, a stewardess happened to over-hear
that part of the conversation and remembered from the
passenger list that Jean-Claude had only paid
half-fare. A few minutes later, the stewardess asked
Jean-Claude if he had $50 with him.
Jean-Claude, slightly embarrassed, replied, "I only
have $10, enough for a bus and a coffee after we arrive
in Boston.. Why you ask?"
Stewardess:"I wanted to know if you wanted to buy this
used parachute."
Jean-Claude, "What for?"
Stewardess, "You only paid half-fare and you're over
18. We are half-way on our flight and you have to leave
now."
___________________________________________________

the internet cloud is not where you think

____________________________________________________
A passenger train in California is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor
walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The
woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again?"
----------------
Yeah, I remember a train like that in Austria.
It had little porches at each end of the wagons
and signs posted: "Picking flowers while the train
is in motion is not permitted."
Seems the locomotive engineer got annoyed when the
flower pickers passed the train.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Out of Cascade? Wanna know what happens when you use about
a quarter-cup full of Dawn dish soap in the dishwasher?
Well, I did one day!
I'm in my bedroom curling my hair to go somewhere, and I
hear one of the twins in the kitchen. "Uh, Noella? I think
you need to come in here."
"Why? You guys need to get ready."
"Uh, Noella? There's suds all over the floor, Lots of suds,
they're covering the whole floor!"
I groan, walk into the kitchen, and sure enough, there ARE
suds all over the floor. They're headed for the computer sitting
on the floor just a few feet away.
The boys bring lots of towels from the bathroom and I call my
husband, who is laughing his head off. His solution - get out
my Rainbow (dust and dirt is sucked into a container of water)
and start vacuuming the water out.
You know what happens when you vacuum suds with a Rainbow?
The motor starts sounding funny. So, I shut it off and open it,
to find that it took the water out of the dishwasher okay but
now suds are way up in the motor. I did remember the salesman
told us that if that ever happened, disconnect from the water
housing and run dry. Now not only is the floor still covered
with suds, there's more water plus oil on the floor. And we've
got to be somewhere in just a few minutes!
Moral of the story is - unless you want to use LOTS of towels
to sop up water, never, ever use Dawn dish soap in your
dishwasher!
____________________________________________________

Someone had a lot of time on their hands centuries ago!

Today, October 28, in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the
American Revolutionary War.
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin.
1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor
by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons and
is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty
Enlightening the World."
1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use
fingerprinting.
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known
as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in
1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution.
1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government
and introduced fascism to Italy.
1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece.
1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that
he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of collective
guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO,
was completed.
1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President Richard
Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, to begin
serving his sentence for Watergate-related convictions.
1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution "deeply
deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada.
1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, pled
guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces the abortion
pill RU486, announced it would resume distribution of the drug
after the government of France demanded it do so.
1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing.
1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called for a
complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military leaders.
1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that all the
troops there would be home by Christmas.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 27
Thank you Jim H.!!!!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Iowa man, who was arrested after stealing a taxi
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the
first Quakers to be executed in America.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Statistics: The only science that enables different
experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A grandmother overheard her five-year-old granddaughter
playing "wedding."
The wedding vows went like this:
"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say
will be turned around and used against you, you have
the right to have an attorney present.
You may kiss the bride today."
______________________________________________________
Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes
towards leftovers. "It gets rough," one said. "My
husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them
'reruns'."
"You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a
Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!"
"That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady.
"My husband is a mortician. He calls them 'remains'!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Jim Hetrick for sending this picture, taken by
Don Hole, one of his former students, who works the midnight
shift at the Outer Banks Fishing Pier.:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Luis Orellana-Rivera,
26,
Des Moines,
Iowa
Iowa man was arrested after stealing a taxi
An Iowa resident arrested for stealing a taxi moments after
his release from a Des Moines hospital told cops that he
boosted the ride because he did not want to walk the six
blocks to his residence.
According to police, Luis Orellana-Rivera, 26, hopped into
a running cab parked outside Mercy Medical Center. The taxi
driver told cops that he pulled up to the hospital’s front
doors and left the car running as he made a delivery to the
blood bank.
Pictured in the above mug shot, Orellana-Rivera allegedly
swiped the car around 6:15 AM Friday, immediately after
his discharge.
Shortly after the taxi’s owner reported the vehicle stolen,
Des Moines Police Department cops used GPS data to locate
the Ford Crown Victoria, which was parked less than a mile
from the hospital.
Orellana-Rivera was arrested as he exited the vehicle, which
was in a lot behind his former residence. A “friend/former
roommate” told police that Orellana-Rivera “has been having
mental issues lately due to drug usage,” and has been
“delusional and paranoid.”
Orellana-Rivera, who had the cab’s keys in his pants pocket,
told police that he opted to steal the car instead of walking
home from the hospital. Orellana-Rivera, who spent about
six hours at the medical center, was wearing a hospital
bracelet and had a pulse oxygen device still attached to
his finger when apprehended.
Orellana-Rivera was arrested for felony theft and jailed
in the Polk County lockup (where he is being held in lieu
of $5000 bond).
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Edith
Re: PDF form fillers
Dear Webby,
You mentioned Nitro PDF program a couple of weeks ago.
My sister told me to get PDF-Exchange from Tracker-software.
What is the difference?
Edith
Dear Edith
If you just want to fill an occasional form, then the Nitro
will be cheaper. They have a free Reader, that has limited
"typing" abilities. For buying stuff or filling out your
taxes, that's good enough.
PDF-Exchange has no free version that i can see, but they
have much better typing and editing abilities.
If you are writing e-books and want to do fancy formatting,
then you might want to check out the PDF-Exchange.
You would still write the e-books with Open Office or WORD,
and save them as PDF. However, since neither of those two
are that good for picking up a PDF file and edit it,
an editor like Nitro or PDF-Exchange are handy for quickly
fixing a typo instead of opening the word processor doc,
fixing the typo, and saving it as PDF again.
And of course, filling forms is much easier with a
dedicated PDF program like those two.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A dog thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . They must be Gods!
A cat thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . I must be a God!
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Splatter Screen For Popcorn
Here is a tip to release the aroma of popcorn but protect it
from anything entering. Simply use a splatter screen cover.
Great for home, picnics, or parties!
By KIM HOGGAN [6]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger
noticed a sign saying:
DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!
posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed an old
hound dog sound asleep on the floor half way between
the door and the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are
supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused.
"That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to
me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that
sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing their
teeth out on the counter."
___________________________________________________

GoPro: Backflip Over 72ft Canyon

____________________________________________________
I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby
pay phone. "I know it's something you want,"
he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are
a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing.
As long as you're living in my house, I think you
should respect my wishes."
I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly
firmness.
Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma,
you're 87 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo and a
nose ring!"
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
It's not a cooking story, but here's one:
I have several friends who consider themselves to be very
spiritual.¯ They advised that I should watch the sunrise
every morning — that it would be a very spiritual experience
for me. It sounded good, so the next morning I got up early
enough to catch it.
I was still lying in my bed when I looked out the window and
saw the most beautiful yellow light ever. I gazed on that sun
as it was rising in the sky and felt an awesome sense of peace.
Then it slowly dawned on me that the sun wasn't rising.
I went to the window to check it out and found myself staring
at the light pole across the street!
I had a really spiritual epihany when I saw the light.
It was time to clean the windows.
____________________________________________________

Russian Dance Group Float across the Stage

Today, October 27, in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the
first Quakers to be executed in America.
1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York
City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other
seven failed.
1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed
of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George
"Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence
to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted.
1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was
the first rapid-transit subway system in America.
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis.
1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in
New York.
1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at
26' 2 1/4".
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its
new synthetic yarn.
1947 "You Bet Your Life," the radio show starring
Grouch Marx, premiered on ABC. It was later shown on
NBC television.
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced.
They had been married on January 14, 1954.
1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis
by calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis
in Turkey. U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new
aspect of the agreement.
1978 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime
Minister Menachem Begin were named winners of the
Nobel Peace Prize for their progress toward achieving
a Middle East accord.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the
U.S. prison population had exceeded one million for
the first time in American history.
2002 Emmitt Smith (Dallas Cowboys) became the all-time
leading rusher in the NFL when he extended his career
yardage to 16,743. He achieved the record in his 193rd
game. He also scored his 150th career touchdown.
2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of
Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected
leftist leader.
2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy
FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second
largest banking company in the U.S.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 26
Thank you Shalla
Back in the saddle again.
Next injections are on January 8.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk collegian, who called 911, claimed she is "Olivia Pope"
and then warned cop of car bomb heading for White House
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone,
AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and
Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
In general, the art of government consists of taking
as much money as possible from one party of the
citizens to give to the other.
--- Voltaire (1764)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An EMT in southern Georgia was part of the unit
that responded to a call from Coffee County late
one night. They arrived on the scene and found
a severely injured man lying at the edge of a
field. His stomach had been completely torn
open, and he was covered with lacerations and
bruises. He also had a prominent tire tread
across his chest.
The injured man's companion showed up in a
racing model ATV vehicle, clearly intoxicated,
and gave the following account. Imagine this
tale being recited in a deep Georgian accent.
He and his injured friend had been drinkin'
and ridin' around the field on the three-wheeled
ATV, when they sighted a stand of deer
in their headlights. The friend, riding the
back as a passenger,was struck with a great
idea. "Hey man," he said, "If you quarter off
one a those deer, betcha I can bulldog 'im." The
driver thought this was an entertaining idea, so
he proceeded to isolate a buck and race him
down.
His intoxicated passenger proceeded to leap
from the ATV, grab the buck by the antlers,
and perform an excellent example of this
rodeo sport. He pinned the animal's head to
the ground, but that's when things went
wrong. The buck, less docile than a steer,
simply got up, threw his head back, and
tore his assailant's belly open. The deer
then proceeded to stomp, kick, and butt
him for good measure.
The EMTs noticed that this information
accounted all of the injuries except one.
When they asked the driver about the
tire track across his injured friend's chest,
he responded: "Well how else was I s'posed
to git the deer off 'im?"
______________________________________________________
The closest to perfection anyone ever comes
is when he or she fills out a job application
form.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Jim Hetrick for this picture:
A picture of the "fall leaves in Ohio."
Enjoy and again thanks for all.
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kelsey Cousins,
20,
Iowa
Drunk collegian calls 911, says she is "Olivia Pope"
and then warns cop of car bomb heading for White House
An Iowa collegian who is apparently a big fan of booze and
TV’s “Scandal” called 911 early this morning claiming to be
“Olivia Pope,” and reported a sighting of “Cyrus Beene”
outside an Iowa City bar, police say.
Cops responding to the 2:45 AM emergency call were flagged
down by Kelsey Cousins, a 20-year-old University of Iowa
student who is a member of the school’s rowing team.
Officer Brad Reinhard reported that Cousins, seen above,
“kept talking about ‘Olivia Pope’ and about a car with a
bomb in it that was heading to the White House.” The cop
added that, “‘Olivia Pope’ is a television show character
and everything that defendant stated was nonsensical and
rambling.”
Actress Kerry Washington stars in “Scandal” as Pope, a
Beltway fixer and presidential mistress. The “Cyrus Beene”
character, played by Jeff Perry, is a scheming manipulator
who was fired from his post as White House chief of staff.
The underage Cousins, according to a police report, smelled
of alcohol, suffered from impaired speech and balance, and
had bloodshot, watery eyes. She reportedly copped to
drinking and possessing a fake ID.
Following her arrest for public intoxication, Cousins, seen
above, took a Breathalyzer test that registered her blood
alcohol content at .206, more than twice the legal limit.
She is also facing a second misdemeanor charge for misuse
of the 911 system.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Samantha
Re: Clear Cache
Dear Webby,
Every time I have a problem getting to certain sites, that
are up and working, because friends tell me they have no
problem getting to them, the ISP's tech support tells me
to clear the browser cache. When I was still using IE,
I used to know how to do that, not that it ever made any
difference, but I knew how to do that. Now, with Chrome
I have no clue about how to clear the cache.
Second question: Is there a way I can tell whether they are
just full of BS and are just giving me the run-around while
they go ask mom how to fix the fluck-up at the station?
Samantha
Dear Samantha
On Chrome,click the three horizontal bars at the right top.
That opens the menu. In there click HISTORY.
In History, click CLEAR BROWSING DATA
In the next panel click EMPTY CACHE
You could set the time interval to Beginning of time, but
that is silly, since if tehre had been a cache problem,
it would be with a recently cached site.
Re 2: yes, they are usually full of BS if they tell you
to clear the cache.
The easiest way to prove that is to bypass the browser and
use tracert.
Click on Start
type cmd and hit enter.
Let's assume you are trying to get to webby.com/humor
On the scary black screen that opens, type
tracert webby.com
and hit Enter.
Don't type any part after the actual domain name.
After a few seconds you will see the route information
appearing one line after another.
Just getting to your ISP is usually the slowest.
Eventually, the trace will wind up at the target domain.
If you get there without any potholes (stars), then
the route is clear.
However, if there are potholes, or roadblocks (3 stars),
then the route is obstructed, and the problem is NOT in
your browser's cache, since you didn't even use your browser.
To copy the trace route is a bit tricky, since it is in
DOS format, unchanged from the 80's.
Right-click on the top frame bar, select EDIT,
and in there select MARK
Then use the mouse to highlight the trace route,
and hit ENTER
Then you can go to your email and with CTRL V paste the
trace route.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The new Librarian decided that instead of checking
out children's books by writing the names of
borrowers on the book cards herself, she would
have the youngsters sign their own names. She
would then tell them they were signing a
"Contract" for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked
surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four
books to the desk and shoved them across to the
Librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The Librarian pushed the books back and told him
to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his
name on each book card and then handed them to her
with a look of utter disgust.
Before the Librarian could even start her speech
he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had
knew how to write herself!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Paperclip as Collar Stay
My son has to wear dress shirts to work and I launder them
myself. He loses those little plastic collar stays all the
time. He discovered a paperclip works like a charm! It's not
quite as long but just as effective and easier to remove
before washing. If this tip wins, I promise to give him the
prize. He's saving for grad school.
Source: My son's brilliant mind and necessity
By Beth Pierpont H. [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to
open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had
been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember
it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked
for help.
The pastor came into the room and began to turn the
dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared
blankly for a moment. Finally he look serenely
heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he
looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the
final number, and opened the lock.
The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith,
pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a
piece of tape on the ceiling."
___________________________________________________

when neighbors
complained about noise, this is what they found

____________________________________________________
Billy Bob and Bubba fly to Alaska for a fishing trip.
They hire a bush pilot and rent a boat, rods, and
tackle. After two weeks they have caught only one
salmon.
''MAN Bubba," Billy Bob says, "Do you realize this
lousy fish cost us about $15000 apiece."
'Wow," Bubba replies, 'At that rate it's a good thing
we only caught one of them!"
____________________________________________________

Russian Dance Group Float across the Stage

Today, October 22, in
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 363-mile
canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of
$7,602,000.
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine.
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone,
AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and
Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang.
1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden.
1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa Cruz
during World War II.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended. The
battle was won by American forces and brought the end of the
Pacific phase of World War II into sight.
1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage from
40 to 75 cents an hour.
1951 Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great Britain.
1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner
from New York City to Paris.
1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile Crisis
by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S. agreed to
not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles in Turkey.
1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 26
years on the Peacock Throne.
1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared,
"Peace is at hand" in Vietnam.
1975 Anwar Sadat became the first Egyptian president to officially
visit to the United States.
1977 The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully landed
at Edwards Air Force Base in California.
1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death by
Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence Agency.
1980 Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first Israeli head
of state to visit Egypt.
1984 "Baby Fae" was given the heart of baboon after being born
with a severe heart defect. She lived for 21 days with the
animal heart.
1985 Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and Soviet
embassies in London to pressure the two countries to end their
arms race.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, announced it
was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-486. The pill is
used to induce abortions. The French government made the company
reverse itself two days later.
1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American icebreakers. The
whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks in an Arctic ice pack.
1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach 2,000 points.
1991 Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a federal
correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin serving a
six-month sentence for cocaine possession.
1992 General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned after the
company recorded its highest losses in history.
1992 In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord, which was
designed to unify the country.
1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of defrauding
the U.S. government and lying to the U.S. Congress. Dean was a central
figure in the Reagan-era HUD scandal.
1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime Minister Abdel
Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty.
1995 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th National
Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New York Islanders in his
605th game. He became the second-fastest player to attain the plateau.
Wayne Gretzky had reached 600 goals by his 575th NHL game.
1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile warhead.
2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won a defense
contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The contract, for the
"joint strike fighter," was the largest defense contract in history.
2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where separatist
rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116 hostages and all
50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or gunshot wounds.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeballs. That means no Saturday, Sunday and Monday
newsletters will be sent out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
SC teen arrested after his rape victim
bit off his tongue.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote
with a march in New York City, NY.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
--- Bruce Grocott (1940 - )
"The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have
enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or
not."
--- George Bernard Shaw
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety, $1.95 each."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those
new Intels ?"
Customer: "Yes, it says Intel inside, it's a 17"."
Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these
$29.95 mousepads"
Customer: "But, is it Y2K approved ?"
Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe
you should better get one of these bue ones for
$49.95."
______________________________________________________
Bulletin Board Bloopers:
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to
make calls on people who are not afflicted with any
church.
---------------------------
The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
---------------------------
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the
delight of the audience.
---------------------------
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing
services will be discontinued until further notice.
---------------------------
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great
success. Special thanks are due to the minister's
daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano,
which as usual fell upon her.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Antoine Tremane Miller,
16
North Charleston,
South Carolina
SC teen arrested after his rape victim
bit off his tongue
-As she fought off a sexual assault from an intruder, a
South Carolina woman bit off her 16-year-old attacker’s tongue,
according to a police report detailing the harrowing home
invasion.
The 33-year-old victim told South Charleston cops that the
knife-wielding teen forced his way into her residence early
Friday morning. While grappling with the attacker, the
victim was knocked to the floor and punched several times.
She told investigators that the assailant declared,
“Stop fighting and I won't hurt you.”
The intruder then carried the woman to a bedroom and
attempted to remove her shorts, police say. But the victim
fought back and kicked the teen in the groin, which
incensed him. "Now you have to die!" the assailant said,
according to the report.
As the attacker forcibly “shoved his tongue down in her
mouth,” the woman “bit...as hard as she could until she
heard it snap,” cops noted. The screaming assailant then
fled the bedroom, recalled the victim, who told police
that when she got off the bed, “the suspect’s tongue was
still in her mouth and she threw it on the kitchen floor.”
Upon arriving at the woman’s residence, police discovered
blood in the bedroom, as well as the severed tongue (which
was placed into a bag of ice). Cops also found a knife in
the home’s yard. The victim, investigators noted, had a
bruise around her right eye with swelling and scratches
on her knee and foot.
Shortly after the attack, the teenager was located at a
nearby Waffle House. Cops were dispatched to the restaurant
after the suspect’s mother called 911 to report her son
“not having a tongue and needing medical assistance.”
Police have identified the attacker as Antoine Tremane
Miller, a North Charleston resident. The teenager, who
has been charged as an adult, is jailed without bond on
felony counts of criminal sexual conduct, assault,
burglary, and weapons possession.
Miller, seen in the above mug shot, was treated at a
North Charleston hospital, but a police spokesperson
declined to say whether the teen’s tongue--which
police transported to the hospital--was reattached.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Walter
Re: Unresponsive Script on W8
Hi Dear Webby,
I appreciate your looking into whether you can find a cure
for the bothersome "Unresponsive Script" window popping up
continually on my 8.1 laptop.
I gave the computer to the Geek Squad for a possible solution,
If they find one I'll let you know.
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
Dear Walter
I found this:
A file called IEFrame.dll has registration problems. Every
DLL file is registered in the system registry. The problem
arises when IEFrame.dll file registration entries gets
corrupted.
In this case there is a manual way to resolve this issue.
Unregister and reregister the file again as shown here:
1. Click the Start button.
2. Point to All Programs | Accessories.
3. Right click Command Prompt.
4. Select "Run as administrator".
5. Execute below commands-
regsvr32 actxprxy.dll
regsvr32 oleaut32.dll
regsvr32 ole32.dll
Regsvr32. Ieframe.dll
6. When you're done, type EXIT and press ENTER.
If this does not fix your problem, the best way would be to
use Quick-Fix Patch.
It scans the whole system for problems related to DLL
registration, missing file, and so on. It would take a minute
or two to repair it automatically.
UNinstalling IE would probably also take care of the problem.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Joan in Minnesota.
The Canadian Geese are back, a big event there.
Next come the Winnebagos.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Stuffed Peppers
An easy fall dish that's healthy and delicious!
Approximate Time: 90 minutes
Yield: 2-3 servings, 6 pepper halves
Ingredients:
3 bell peppers
1/2 cup brown rice
1 small onion, diced
1 cup crushed tomatoes
12 oz extra lean ground beef (I used 95%)
1 Tbsp minced garlic
1 Tbsp garlic salt
1 Tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup mozzarella cheese
Steps:
Slice the peppers in half length wise and scoop out seeds
and pith. Rinse and set in a baking dish, cut side up.
Saute' garlic and onion in olive oil for 5 minutes or until
softened. Add in ground beef and cook until brown.
Cook rice as directed. Add in tomatoes, garlic salt, and
ground beef mixture in last 5 minutes of cooking.
Bake peppers alone for 15 minutes at 350 F. Then spoon
stuffing mixture evenly over peppers, returning to oven to
bake for 30 minutes at 400 F.
Add mozzarella cheese evenly over peppers. Broil for 5 minutes
or until browned.
Serve up with tomato sauce if desired.
Link: www.triingforbalance.blogspot.com
By Rae [1]
That takes less skill but quite a bit more work than
regular, old-fashioned stuffed peppers.
For those, hollow out the peppers, and
for the beef use regular ground beef. It is cheaper and
has much more flavor.
Murdering onions by just softening them would get you
yelled at in my kitchen. Sautee them properly until they
are hazelnut brown! Gently stir them while you do that,
so that they don't get black edges. NO email-checking
during the sauteeing!
For the rice, DO NOT cook it as directed!
That produces a silly mush after baking. If you nuke
the rice, deduct a minute, and don't let it steep covered
like you would if you use it as a side dish!
Mix the rice and the rest of the ingredients except cheese
and stuff it into the hollowed out peppers.
That is why they are called stuffed peppers.
when full, add the cheese and cap it with the original
top after carving off the seed pith.
Add a cup of slightly watered down pasta sauce,
about 3/4 to 1 inch high in the casserole or crock pot.
I drain the "spiced, crushed tomatoes" a bit and use that
liquid to thin down the pasta sauce.
Bake in the oven in a casserole at 350 for 25 minutes
or in a crock pot for a few hours.
THEN you get proper, old-fashioned STUFFED Peppers,
that taste just like your gramma's stuffed peppers did.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A number of children from the neighborhood were
invited to Mrs. Johnson's for dinner. She decided to do
something different while serving the meal.
"Where are you originally from?" she asked one child.
"California," said the boy.
"Well then, I will give you the left wing."
She turned to another boy and asked, "Where are
YOU from?"
"New York," he answered.
And she said, "You get the right wing."
She turned to the third boy and asked, "Where are
you from?"
He said, "I'm from New Orleans and I ain't hungry!"
___________________________________________________

Today, October 22, in
1910 - Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a
public solo airplane flight in the United States.
1915 - Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to
vote with a march in New York City, NY.
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the Great Depression.
1942 During World War II, the British began a major offensive
against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began.
1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet
occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary
and eventually suppress the uprising.
1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded the
Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse the honor
due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won the award for
writing "Dr. Zhivago".
1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. naval "quarantine"
of Cuba was approved by the Council of the Organization of
American States (OAS).
1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon."
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and seat
Communist China.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over the
subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair.
1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of hostility
when they exchanged treaty ratifications.
1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin
was announced.
1984 "NBC Nightly News" aired footage of the severe drought
in Ethiopia.
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years of
Soviet rule.
1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese emperor
to stand on Chinese soil.
1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President Bill
Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the war-torn Bosnia.
1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian
Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough in a land-for-peace
West Bank accord.
1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II.
2001 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began orbiting Mars. In 2010,
it became the longest-operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida couple arrested after they left
name and phone number in gallery guestbook before robbery
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute
jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and
suspicious of men who try to.
--- H. Mumford Jones (1892 - 1980)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Jean
Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes
of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today."
The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever.
I had five."
The third old guy said, "I had seven riders, the same as
last time."
The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12
riders today."
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who
had heard the old guys talking about their game went to
the pro and said, "I've been playing golf for a long time
and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but
what's a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough
to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it."
______________________________________________________
Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an
expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed
Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.
The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the
Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied
that he would.
The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer
again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Megan Ohara, 24
David Ziskowski, 19
Palm Beach,
Florida
Florida couple arrested after they left
name and phone number in gallery guestbook before robbery
Authorities say a man and woman left the woman's name and
telephone number in the guestbook of a South Florida art
gallery before stealing about $6,000 worth of jewelry.
Palm Beach police say 24-year-old Megan Ohara and 19-year-old
David Ziskowski took a bracelet and a ring Sunday from the
Attila JK exhibition at the ICFA Gallery. They were spotted
a short time later at a nearby grocery, and police reported
finding the jewelry in the woman's purse.
Officers found multiple fake email addresses and at least
one obscene drawing in the gallery's guestbook. The South
Florida Sun Sentinel (http://goo.gl/UEPiqq ) reports that
two of the fake emails included the name "Meg" and one
included Ohara's phone number.
Ohara and Ziskowski were arrested and charged with grand
theft.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Walter
Re: Unresponsive Script on W8
Hi Dear Webby,
I once again seek the help of the western hemisphere's
preeminent cyber guru.
Quite frequently on my 8.1 Windows laptop, Firefox browser,
a window comes up, saying "Warning: Unresponsive Script."
The screen then freezes and to correct this problem I have
to reboot.
Have you an answer on how to prevent this from happening?
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
Dear Walter
"Just a routine Windows 8 F...up".
Hit CTRL SHIFT ESC to open the Taskmanager
sort by Memory
locate and highlight FireFox
Hit END PROCESS in the right bottom corner.
It will close FireFox and unlock W8.
Chrome seems to be able to deal with that
problem more intelligently and lets you stop
and restart unresponsive scripts.
Unfortunately, that only gets you over a symptom of the
problem, and does not cure it. I will look for a possible
cure.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
An old farmer wrote to a giant mail order company and
asked for the price of their toilet paper. The company
wrote back telling him to look on page #346 of their
catalog.
He wrote another letter to the company that said:
"If you had not stopped sending me catalogs, I would not
need any toilet paper."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Your Pumpkin from Spoiling
It is Jack-o-Lantern time! I always wait until the last
minute to carve my pumpkin because it seems like it starts
to rot the next day. I saw a special on TV where they
immerse the cut pumpkin in a solution of water and bleach.
You keep it in for a while and make sure it gets submerged
and every cut surface is treated. Let it drain for a while.
Just make sure you wear old clothes and use plastic gloves.
I think Rubbermaid would be the best. I don't know the
percentage of bleach to water, or how long to keep in the
liquid. Before I have tried using salt and water or vinegar
but the pumps didn't last any longer.
Source: TV special Extreme Hallowe'en I think it was
By Nightsong [37]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was
sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to
pray?"
One man stepped forward, "Aye, Captain, I know how to
pray."
"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us
put on our life jackets - we're one short."
___________________________________________________

July 31, 2015
moonrise over Cape Byron Lighthouse, on Belongil Beach, Byron Bay, New South Wales, Australia. The head land and lighthouse at Byron Bay is the most easterly point of the Australian Mainland and therefor is the first place in Australia to watch the full moon rise. This video is made up of 1038 frames and slowed down to as close to real time as possible.

____________________________________________________
When I consider how sweaters tend to make me
sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker.
____________________________________________________

Body paint for Halloween

Today, October 22, in
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It
later became known as Princeton University.
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute
jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet.
1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally
elected president of the Republic of Texas.
1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment"
among those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected to
come to an end according to the followers of William Miller.
1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament.
1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began withdrawing
money from many New York banks.
1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO).
1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to
inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces
to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the
discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island.
1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The spacecraft
had orbited the Earth 163 times.
1975 Air Force Technical Sergeant Leonard Matlovich was discharged
after publicly declaring his homosexuality. His tombstone reads
"A gay Vietnam Veteran. When I was in the military they gave
me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one."
1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi was allowed
into the U.S. for medical treatment.
1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization was
decertified by the federal government for its strike the previous August.
1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade Association
agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations by the year 1993.
1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in which it
defied Western definitions of civil liberties.
1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to
Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in July.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications downloaded.
2010 The Internation Space Station set the record (3641 days) for the
longest continuous human occupation of space. It had been continously
inhabited since November 2, 2000.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Women arrested for DUI, who told tells police
her name is 'Hell On Wheels'
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing
on the shore like an idiot.
--- Steven Wright (1955 - )
"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up,
but a comedy in long-shot."
--- Charlie Chaplin
Historians are like deaf people who go on answering
questions that no one has asked them.
--- Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A salesman from New York traveling in Kansas left his
snazzy rental car out in a hail storm. When the storm
was over he checked the car and found out it was
covered with small dents. He went to the local garage
and inquired how he could fix the problem himself.
The mechanic told him to blow on the tailpipe and the
dents would pop out again.
He took the car to the motel where he was staying,
parked it and proceeded to blow on the tailpipe.
A local came by and inquired what he was doing.
He explained that he was blowing on the tailpipe to
remove the dents.
The local responded,
"That's not gonna to work, not unless you roll up the
windows real tight first."
______________________________________________________
Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the
teacher singled him out.
"If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave
$50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would
you have?"
"Well, it sure would be no orgy!" Johnny answered,
"Helen, my girlfriend, would bust my skull for that!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Amanda Dolores Alleman
38,
CLARKSBURG,
Wesrt Virginia
Women arrested for DUI, who told tells police
her name is 'Hell On Wheels'
Police say a woman accused of drunken driving and hitting
six vehicles initially identified herself to an officer
as "Hell on Wheels."
The Exponent Telegram (http://bit.ly/1KdL6cI ) reports
38-year-old Amanda Dolores Alleman of Clarksburg was
arrested Friday on numerous charges. Among them are
aggravated driving while under the influence, striking
an unattended vehicle and having no insurance.
Police say Alleman had a blood-alcohol content of 0.20
percent when she struck six parked vehicles on two
different streets.
Alleman was being held at the North Central Regional Jail
on $14,000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Desktop restore
Dear Webby
For that poor lady whose desktop icons all got scrambled -
we only have a couple dozen so what I did was do a "print
screen" of the desktop & saved it in an e-mail draft.Ā
Now when they go haywire I just use that to reassemble
them.Ā Sounds a lot easier, hope you will print my idea.
Bonnie in Candia
Dear Bonnie
You are an exception! Most people have a LOT of icons on their
desktop.
If somebody finds the half minute installation of Desktop OK
too much hassle, there ARE ways to reduce the number of icons.
Make some desktop folders, for example Tools, Music, Recipes
and so on. Then drag all related icons into those folders.
That will reduce the number of loose icons very quickly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends,
a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and shovel for?"
one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How's it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong
an ear shattering whack with the shovel.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the
wall: "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two fourty five
in the morning!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Hydrogen Peroxide and Baking Soda Deodorant
I have been keeping a bowl and mixing hydrogen peroxide
and baking soda and using it as deodorant. I have never
been fresher. Mix a small amount into a paste. I buy the
value size on both at Sam's Club. I am at seven months
and might get a year out if it. I used to use a deodorant
costing 5.99 every two weeks.
By Stevebasso [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "Bobby just borrowed it. He wants to scare his
parents."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
had been misbehaving and was sent to bed.
After a while emerged and informed mother
that had thought it over and then said a
prayer.
"Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to
help you about your misbehaving, He will help you."
"Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said
. "I asked Him to help me not to get
caught quite so much."
____________________________________________________

A massive bridge
building machine. Those are some brave men that work around that machine.

Today, October 21, in
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution,
was launched in Boston's harbor.
1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain.
The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet.
1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris.
1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp.
It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out.
1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during WWI
near Nancy, France.
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter.
1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the
Electric Show in New York City, NY.
1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had fined
29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations.
1944 During World War II, the German city of Aachen was
captured by U.S. troops.
1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time.
1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet.
1959 The Guggenheim Museum was opened to the public in New York.
The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.
1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC, in
opposition to the Vietnam War.
1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to
Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there.
1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The action
was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five American diplomats.
1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was released
after nearly five years of being imprisoned.
1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring North
Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to inspections.
2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial
birth abortions.
2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's offer
of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the communist
nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons program.
2015 smiled.

The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking!BreastCancer
SiteA free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.

Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.