Hugh Hefner ex and horrifying sex-haverHolly Madison did an unretouched bikini shoot for Life & Style in the name of body "acceptance," because nobody has a healthier body image than a woman who surgically altered her body multiple times to win the love of an octogenarian nudie magazine magnate. For those unhappy with their bodies, Holly recommends "maybe dress accordingly or use body makeup to cope with it." [Life&Style, images via INF and Life&Style]

The first time Willow Smith met Jay-Z—at the meeting where they brokered her Whip My Hair record deal—she fell asleep: "When I met him in Japan I was so tired because I was hanging out the night before and I didn't know we had to meet Jay-Z that next morning so I went to sleep at, like, 4AM and I fell asleep in the meeting… I was probably asleep for, like, 10 minutes of it. But I didn't miss anything, that's the cool part I only missed the parts where he was explaining to my mom and dad where we're gonna be going and when we were gonna drop the single, stuff like that. Although I guess that's important. But we got to hear all the songs they had for me. We have a lot of bombs to drop. It's gonna be like 'boom.'" [CTV via ShowBizSpy]

Lindsay Lohan to Michael Lohan: STFU. Following Michael's announcement that he's joining the cast of Celebrity Rehab to work on "anger management," LiLo released a statement: "I am sorry that my father has continually chosen to speak publicly about our relationship, my mother, my siblings, and my professional team. I am working through my recovery day-by-day and find his public media bouts unnecessary and damaging." This item will not be complete without an obligatory embed of "Confessions of a Broken Heart (From Daughter to Father)." [Radar, Radar]

Roseanne Barr says a neighbor snuck into her Hawaiian macadamia nut farm and murdered her goats, as an anti-Kabbalist hate crime. If true, that neighbor should be awarded a medal for perpetrating the most entertaining goat murders in the history of show business. [TMZ]

Kim Kardashian plans to keep her relationship with NBA player Kris Humphries "out of the spotlight," because if she trots Kris out on the red carpet too much, he'll get scoliosis from bending over to pose with her all the time. Without heels, that height disparity is pushing two feet. [Radar, image via Getty]

Paula Abdul called 911 on Valentine's Day because her boyfriend wouldn't let her out of his car. I can't tell if this was some sick act of domestic abuse, or generally nuttiness. "Are you going to drop me off? Cuz I have emergency on the phone. Ohmigod," she cries. "He's dropping me off." [TMZ]

Lady Gaga walked the runway for Thierry Mugler yesterday. "Walk," of course, is a relative term, depending on what you call it when a human hobbles around in shoes like these. [Celebitchy]