The Quest, ABC’s latest reality TV series, debuts on Thursday with a shameless plea to lovers of fantasy and other self-identifying geeks. The show asks its 12 contestants to fake like medieval knights—which they do thanks to activities like living in a castle, wielding spears, bowing to a queen, and meeting creepy witches in the woods.

But for the producers who dumped real people into a Tolkien-obsessed world, that’s not enough. These “paladins” apparently all have a greater purpose beyond a cash prize or D-list celebrity status. Contestants don’t take long to reveal the massive chips on their shoulders, many of them recalling a younger life when they didn’t fit in, when they wore headgear and giant glasses, or when they hid with books or video games.

So only now, wearing leather armor and clutching the broken shards of the ancient “Sunspear,” do they see a path to confidence and redemption. The quotes come flowing while the dozen players take their first steps toward the show’s world of Everrealm: “It was my fate to embark on this journey,” one says, while another goes a little further: “I want to show the little kid I used to be, who was so shy and so quiet, that he doesn’t always have to be that way.”

ABC sent us the first three episodes ahead of tonight’s series debut, and watching them didn’t convince us that the show had conjured a rich fictional universe worthy of geeks’ utter allegiance. Still, we finished our marathon Quest session thinking that the show was intriguing (and awkwardly hilarious, like all “bad” reality series), particularly in carrying the torch for TV’s apparent next big wave: the plot-driven reality show.

“How do you make a dragon cry?”

One of reality television’s most formative moments came from combining an always-on documentary treatment with wild challenges. 2000’s Survivor, inspired by a similar Swedish series, not only ushered in a new wave of ratings-busting TV, but it also forever left the traditional game show format in the dust.

That’s a shame, because game shows have typically proven a safe space for geekdom, from the trivia bombardment of Jeopardy to the bizarre, virtual-reality-fueled competitions of ‘90s UK show Knightmare. Those kinds of series don’t really exist in the West anymore, and we’re not comfortable saying that the “academic” challenges from the CW’s Beauty and the Geek count as an exception.

We kept our fingers crossed for years that someone would option our series, tentatively titled Academic Decathlon, as a return to nerdy, question-loaded group challenges on TV, but we didn’t even think about another path reality TV could take to geekdom: the Tolkien road.

The Quest begins with 12 contestants meeting in what looks like an office basement, eventually receiving lanterns and emerging in a riverside forest. The notion of universe and lore comes on thick from the outset: They meet three women, known as the Fates, and are told that they have to save the kingdom of Everrealm by eventually using a weapon called the Sunspear, which is currently broken into 12 pieces (convenient!).

Other than the contestants, everyone on the show is an actor. In that sense, The Quest also draws inspiration from ABC’s Whodunnit, a 2013 series that plumbed the depths of American stupidity. That show asked contestants to solve a fictional murder-mystery plot, and losing players “died” at the end of each episode, prompting hundreds of American dummies to express their shock and dismay on Twitter as if these people had actually been murdered.

While Whodunnit was painfully silly (and entertaining), it also opened the door to the idea that a reality show could revolve around a season-long fictional plot. In this early state, The Quest already fares a little better; its actors find a tolerable balance between solid acting and diving into the cheesy stuff, while the show’s setpieces—castles, war outposts, enchanted forests—receive considerable care in their design (though occasionally, the “hub town” castle looks a little like something you’d see inside of a Great Wolf Lodge).

Still, the laughs come pretty quickly thanks to how contestants react to their new kingdom. In the show’s first 10 minutes, a random actor is surprised by a hairy, ugly beast in a nighttime forest, and the cast’s “keeper,” a man named Creo, insists that they keep running.

Shondo, an amped-up contestant with an MMA fighting background, isn’t down with how that situation turned out. “We should’ve helped him, man,” he shouts at the actor after their escape. “Hey, we never let that happen again! Man, come on!” (Chill out, Shondo. That guy was union; he’ll be fine.)

The majority of Quest’s laughs come from such over-earnest, out-of-touch reactions from contestants buying into the show’s fictional world. Lines like “I have to do this—it’s for the queen!” are silly enough, but then there’s the utter cheese of someone frowning with all sincerity at a potion’s ingredient list. “Dragon’s tears? How do you make a dragon cry?”

One heart of gold

These moments seem to be knowingly placed to fulfill the modern reality-TV quota of laughing at the shlubs in the competition, but for the most part, the show takes itself just as seriously. This proves a little unbearable when the usual reality-show challenges drag on for far too long without much punch or payoff.

The best is a weapons competition, where contestants ride on horses while shooting bows and swinging hammers at targets, while the worst is a boring “puzzle” room that only asks people to use brute strength and power through a few weird doors. Everrealm’s “queen” and her hangers-on watch and comment while relying too heavily on archetypes: the gruff soldier here, the suspicious advisor there.

If ABC wanted to ride the mainstream momentum of Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones, it would’ve been wise to invest more in the show’s fictional characters and lore. People don’t get hooked to massive RPGs and expansive fantasy book series without a feeling of place—centuries of turmoil, families that have survived the lands for generations, great wizards who oversee the ne’er-do-wells—but The Quest doesn’t get that luxury, as it must also juggle the stories of its contestants, particularly the silly reality-series alliances that form. Contestants must vote every week to remove one of the two worst players of a given challenge, so ABC devotes a good 5-10 minutes of each episode to snoozer politics, as opposed to even contestants’ backstory (let alone the grand world of Everrealm).

Other than Shondo, the amped-up MMA fighter, the series’ contestants can be easy to lose track of in terms of being remarkably generic, save the overly serious Adria and the heart-of-gold Bonnie. It’s Bonnie who decides on a whim to invent, and sing, a song about the world of Everrealm to the rest of the cast. For a second, the song seems embarrassing, but then it proves to be more heartwarming and likeable than much of what ABC manufactured with its fictional world.

And that’s the crux of The Quest’s problem: ABC put together all the trappings of a “if you like Game of Thrones, you’ll love this” reality series—the castle, the horses, the cheesy mystery that emerges—but it has yet to deliver a real sense of heroism, either by fictional plot or real contestants. We hope ABC gets that part right later—or at least jacks up the special-effects budget for a legitimate dragon. We can't let the tears go to waste.

44 Reader Comments

I'm not sure who's the bigger (so-called) "freaks" here: the reputed D-list celebrities in training (aka the contestants), or the network programmers who continually pander to the lowest common denominator in shows instead of solid quality entertainment.

So when contestants get voted out of the castle, are they beheaded? Because I "WOULD" watch that...

Finally, I have a good reason to get on a comments thread: the spoiler tag! I will employ it in this case, because the way this happens is painfully hilarious.

When a contestant is voted off,

Spoiler: show

the person is told by "The Fates" (three solemn women in fancy robes) to walk up a set of stairs. At the top of the stairs, that person transforms into a cloud of dust. For the rest of the season, that person's face hovers over The Fates' cave, staring at anyone else who is subject to being voted off. It's a little creepy, and really dumb.

Contestants don’t take long to reveal the massive chips on their shoulders, many of them recalling a younger life when they didn’t fit in, when they wore headgear and giant glasses, or when they hid with books or video games.

Sam, I think you have identified the cringeworthy, finger down the throat, vomit inducing, ingredient X formula which is exactly why I despise reality shows. Quite why anyone wants to watch such Televisual effluent is beyond me.

On the other hand, a show where reality show executives are thrown into a cage with a troop of angry baboons - that I would pay to watch.

So when contestants get voted out of the castle, are they beheaded? Because I "WOULD" watch that...

Finally, I have a good reason to get on a comments thread: the spoiler tag! I will employ it in this case, because the way this happens is painfully hilarious.

When a contestant is voted off,

Spoiler: show

the person is told by "The Fates" (three solemn women in fancy robes) to walk up a set of stairs. At the top of the stairs, that person transforms into a cloud of dust. For the rest of the season, that person's face hovers over The Fates' cave, staring at anyone else who is subject to being voted off. It's a little creepy, and really dumb.

Well, that's different than what they originally pitched as being "voted off"

So when contestants get voted out of the castle, are they beheaded? Because I "WOULD" watch that...

Finally, I have a good reason to get on a comments thread: the spoiler tag! I will employ it in this case, because the way this happens is painfully hilarious.

When a contestant is voted off,

Spoiler: show

the person is told by "The Fates" (three solemn women in fancy robes) to walk up a set of stairs. At the top of the stairs, that person transforms into a cloud of dust. For the rest of the season, that person's face hovers over The Fates' cave, staring at anyone else who is subject to being voted off. It's a little creepy, and really dumb.

Well, that's different than what they originally pitched as being "voted off"

I'm still not sure why George Dubya's beheading was censored on the second edition DVDs of Season 1. I thought that revelation was hilarious and evoked certain parallels between his style of leadership and Joffrey's.

Contestants don’t take long to reveal the massive chips on their shoulders, many of them recalling a younger life when they didn’t fit in, when they wore headgear and giant glasses, or when they hid with books or video games.

Sam, I think you have identified the cringeworthy, finger down the throat, vomit inducing, ingredient X formula which is exactly why I despise reality shows. Quite why anyone wants to watch such Televisual effluent is beyond me.

Exactly. Ultimately, reality shows are about 'entertaining' the viewers by exploiting, demeaning, humiliating and promoting fighting between people who are damaged to one extent or another, whether that damage applies to their social skills or the modulation of their aggression.

By analogy, think of it like this: Take 10 or 12 cats that are each missing one limb - thus are 'damaged goods' in one fashion or another. At least one cat of each gender is in heat - this is the nymphomaniacal requisite reality show contestant. And two or more other cats are tom-cats that kill all the neighborhood kittens - these cats represent the typical overly-macho testosterone-overloaded douchenozzels that are found in a reality show cast. Now take all 12 cats - including the cats in heat and the homicidal toms - and starve them for a few days so they are really hungry. Then throw them in a box that only has room for 6 cats, ensuring the box contains a piece of fish adequate to feed just one single cat.

Now film that. Do I really want to watch three-legged amputee cats in heat - and in a few cases murderous tom cats - squabble and fight over a tiny piece of fish whilst crammed into a box that is half as big as it should be to safely contain said cats? No, and neither do I wish to watch reality TV.

So when contestants get voted out of the castle, are they beheaded? Because I "WOULD" watch that...

Finally, I have a good reason to get on a comments thread: the spoiler tag! I will employ it in this case, because the way this happens is painfully hilarious.

When a contestant is voted off,

Spoiler: show

the person is told by "The Fates" (three solemn women in fancy robes) to walk up a set of stairs. At the top of the stairs, that person transforms into a cloud of dust. For the rest of the season, that person's face hovers over The Fates' cave, staring at anyone else who is subject to being voted off. It's a little creepy, and really dumb.

Well, that's different than what they originally pitched as being "voted off"

Contestants don’t take long to reveal the massive chips on their shoulders, many of them recalling a younger life when they didn’t fit in, when they wore headgear and giant glasses, or when they hid with books or video games.

Sam, I think you have identified the cringeworthy, finger down the throat, vomit inducing, ingredient X formula which is exactly why I despise reality shows. Quite why anyone wants to watch such Televisual effluent is beyond me.

Exactly. Ultimately, reality shows are about 'entertaining' the viewers by exploiting, demeaning, humiliating and promoting fighting between people who are damaged to one extent or another, whether that damage applies to their social skills or the modulation of their aggression.

By analogy, think of it like this: Take 10 or 12 cats that are each missing one limb - thus are 'damaged goods' in one fashion or another. At least one cat of each gender is in heat - this is the nymphomaniacal requisite reality show contestant. And two or more other cats are tom-cats that kill all the neighborhood kittens - these cats represent the typical overly-macho testosterone-overloaded douchenozzels that are found in a reality show cast. Now take all 12 cats - including the cats in heat and the homicidal toms - and starve them for a few days so they are really hungry. Then throw them in a box that only has room for 6 cats, ensuring the box contains a piece of fish adequate to feed just one single cat.

Now film that. Do I really want to watch three-legged amputee cats in heat - and in a few cases murderous tom cats - squabble and fight over a tiny piece of fish whilst crammed into a box that is half as big as it should be to safely contain said cats? No, and neither do I wish to watch reality TV.

"ABC’s Whodunnit, a 2013 series that plumbed the depths of American stupidity. That show asked contestants to solve a fictional murder-mystery plot, and losing players “died” at the end of each episode, prompting hundreds of American dummies to express their shock and dismay on Twitter as if these people had actually been murdered."

Wait! That was why the dead started showing up with makeup when the credit rolled..

So when contestants get voted out of the castle, are they beheaded? Because I "WOULD" watch that...

Finally, I have a good reason to get on a comments thread: the spoiler tag! I will employ it in this case, because the way this happens is painfully hilarious.

When a contestant is voted off,

Spoiler: show

the person is told by "The Fates" (three solemn women in fancy robes) to walk up a set of stairs. At the top of the stairs, that person transforms into a cloud of dust. For the rest of the season, that person's face hovers over The Fates' cave, staring at anyone else who is subject to being voted off. It's a little creepy, and really dumb.

Well, that's different than what they originally pitched as being "voted off"

I'm pretty sure the next round of reality shows will just be rehashing the shows of the last 20 years, just with nude people. They already have done the "nude Survivor" and "nude Real Life". I'm cancelling my cable subscription before they get to "nude Honey Boo Boo".

After reading last year's article on Battle of the Nations and a couple of interesting pieces on individual participants, I was hoping a little that this show might be half-decent rather than exploitative.. I was thinking of something like having genuine tournament participants genuinely compete in (to amuse general audiences) an unscripted "Medieval Times" show type scenario written/acted by RenFair & SCA members, with the "winner" being the fellow that won the most contests at the end of the season.

It's a disappointing shame that they came up with this instead. For that matter, considering they're going to have the audience vote for the winner and a partial focus on non-physical tasks, it's irritating that (from what I've heard) they stuck with the "brawny guys get to go on an adventure while ladies sit around in dresses being bored" approach. Bleh.

The key to successful fiction is to create an interesting world that is so internally consistent that it is possible to suspend belief and become part of that world. This doesn't sound even close.

George R. R. Martin skillfully constructed such a world in his novels. The TV series also does well by sticking close the details carefully integrated into the novels.

The reason 'Game of Thrones' succeeds is not because it is about knights and dragons. It is because, once the reader or viewer tentatively accepts the main premise, almost everything else in the constructed world is consistent with that premise, as well as with each other.

This show sounds horrible, it's almost insulting to mention it alongside Knightmare; that show was a classic.

I really hope the big push right now for exclusive content, as well as Kickstarter (or similar) funded shows really takes off, as I think it'd be a far better way to produce content for internet consumption. We might actually see quality shows come back.

While this seems interesting for a reality show's premise, I've yet to see a reality show that it isn't disgustingly bad; the last thing we need to be doing with our civilisation is scouring the populace for the absolute dregs and then throwing them into faked situations.

Except maybe if we could legalise gladiatorial combat; since we wouldn't really care who won, it would just be good entertainment.

I'm pretty sure the next round of reality shows will just be rehashing the shows of the last 20 years, just with nude people. They already have done the "nude Survivor" and "nude Real Life". I'm cancelling my cable subscription before they get to "nude Honey Boo Boo".

The key to successful fiction is to create an interesting world that is so internally consistent that it is possible to suspend belief and become part of that world. This doesn't sound even close.

George R. R. Martin skillfully constructed such a world in his novels. The TV series also does well by sticking close the details carefully integrated into the novels.

The reason 'Game of Thrones' succeeds is not because it is about knights and dragons. It is because, once the reader or viewer tentatively accepts the main premise, almost everything else in the constructed world is consistent with that premise, as well as with each other.

Yeah, but try explaining that to TV execs. I kid, they're probably smart enough to understand the concept, but a smart concept isn't "the selling point" unfortunately.

Honestly I think it's kinda cool, from a sociological perspective, to see shows like this come out. At any given point in time the two oldest surviving generations have most of the power and thus make most of the big decisions. Given that with the rise of the PC/internet the social definition and identity of "geek" has changed extremely rapidly, what we have here is a bunch of previous generation, mostly non-geeky people trying to appeal to what they know as "a geek". Unfortunately they appear to be using an outdated social definition that they never really understood in the first place.

So when contestants get voted out of the castle, are they beheaded? Because I "WOULD" watch that...

Finally, I have a good reason to get on a comments thread: the spoiler tag! I will employ it in this case, because the way this happens is painfully hilarious.

When a contestant is voted off,

Spoiler: show

the person is told by "The Fates" (three solemn women in fancy robes) to walk up a set of stairs. At the top of the stairs, that person transforms into a cloud of dust. For the rest of the season, that person's face hovers over The Fates' cave, staring at anyone else who is subject to being voted off. It's a little creepy, and really dumb.

Well, that's different than what they originally pitched as being "voted off"

I'm still not sure why George Dubya's beheading was censored on the second edition DVDs of Season 1. I thought that revelation was hilarious and evoked certain parallels between his style of leadership and Joffrey's.

They got the heads from a prop-supply company and literally didn't notice one was a likeness of GWB. It completely takes the audience out of the moment and ruins the scene. it would be like having The Three Stooges walking by in the background. Also, some politicos (not the pres, who has a little humor) started grousing. It was just a little 'shopping job, and the director states he was glad to do it.

If they would make a show which is basically an extended LARP session, cast people who are both great at improv and geeky enough to take the premise seriously, and set it up as a real game with set rules affecting things like melee, spells, monsters, and politics, then you'd have something I think which would be crack for a certain segment of the population.