The Power of “Me Too”

I recently responded to a woman over at Divorce Force. She had just discovered that for 30 of the 34 years she spent with her husband, he had another family. Her post is brief, the details sparse. But I’m confident that one of the many overwhelming emotions she is feeling right now is that of being alone in this experience.

I’m confident because I remember feeling the same. Convinced that there was nobody else who could possibly relate to the shock of sudden abandonment and the crazy making aspects of divorcing someone who made his own reality.

And then I found some message boards. A few articles. A book. And those words all whispered, “Me too.”

“My husband left me a note on the counter and I never heard from him again.”

“My wife simply didn’t come home from work. I found out later that she moved in with her boyfriend that same day.”

“My ex husband fabricated all of the documents that were submitted to the courts. It’s all lies.”

“My ex wife falsely accused me of being abusive. Now the judge looks at me like I’m the bad one.”

As I read these entries, I felt sorry for those that had endured. And I also felt some relief. Some companionship. Some sense that I had found my tribe.

All because of the power of “me too.”

“Me too” doesn’t try to compete for the greatest pain trophy. It doesn’t try upstage the circumstances or tell a better story. It doesn’t engage in a game of tug of war, attempting to direct all of the energy to one side. “Me too” doesn’t claim to understand all of what another is feeling or to insinuate that the paths are the same.

What “me too” does is tell you that you’re not alone in your experience. That others have been in a similar place and can empathize with how you are feeling. “Me too” provides hope as you learn that others who are doing okay now were once not okay. When you hear the words, “me too,” you know you have a compassionate and nonjudgmental ear where you can feel safe and understood.

If you’re feeling alone, seek your tribe and find peace among those who whisper, “me too.” And once you’ve been there and through the other side, be brave enough to remember your own struggles, share your own “me too” and then just be there and listen.

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You’re so right. When the absolute unimaginable happens, and it’s in what we thought to be “our world” that we knew, for however many years, it knocks us off the globes axis is how I felt.
When your own family and friends can’t relate at all, and you’re feeling the overwhelming emotions all at once and everything is spinning farther out of control, the ONE thing that so many of us share is the “Me Too”, that saves us some of the thoughts of “why me”, or why is it “just me”. It’s not. We know that. With each utterly horrifying story of another’s pain and anguish we do find that it’s not only us, as mortifying as its been for so many of us, I’m grateful for these brave men and women for sharing their stories. If not for them, it would be much harder to tell my own, and I’m ever so grateful for learning the truths behind my own story and can empathize with each and every person and story I read. We all can help if by just saying, “Me Too”. I know reading those two tiny words together have helped me be stronger for myself and others.
Thank you, Lisa, for always being here.

My dry cleaner recognized by the look on my face that my life had just fallen apart. He said: “My wife left a note on the kitchen table saying she was done after twenty-five years.” It was so amazing to have someone recognize and understand the pain I was going through. I called him my Dry Cleaning Therapist.

It is only through talking that we come to find out we are not alone. I think the internet has helped that alot. I know for me, reading other blogs is what started me feeling like I wasn’t so alone…but for a long time I wasn’t really talking about my feelings. When I did…there were connections I was able to make that I never would have otherwise.
We are not alone.
Not in our pain.
Not in our heartbreak.
Not in our joy.
All we have to do is have a little courage to open up.

I never expected to be in the me too club of family law. How trust given to a spouse can be broken in a vindictive way is still difficult to comprehend. Will I ever be able to trust again is the unanswered question. Unfortunately the pain from the Court of Family Law runs deep with a strong desire to avoid at all costs.

[…] natural for you to want to share your similar experiences. And there is quite a lot to be said about the power of “me too.” Yet be careful here not to minimize the experience of someone else by implying (or stating […]