Reviewing Random Films For Fun

May 23, 2014

Seeing “Clerks” for the First Time #MovieReview #Clerks #Thoughts

Film number 3 of my “1001 Films to See Before You Die” list is 1994’s Clerks. Have to say, out of the three films I’ve watched so far, this is the best one I’ve watched. Enjoyed every minute. There were moments where I actually learned about real life issues from how to deal with idiotic customers to relationship problems. Highly recommend it but for now, here is my thought on Clerks

Clerks

1994

Director – Kevin Smith

Staring – Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson & Marilyn Ghigliotti

IMDb Rating – 7.9/10

My Rating – 7.8/10

I saw 1 year old when this was released in UK cinemas on May 5 1995

Film opens with Dante falling out of a cupboard and answering the phone

He sounds like a typical teen – “I’m tired” & “I don’t wanna”

Shot of dog drinking from the toilet bowl

The coffee pot is a pig and you drink from its head!

Nice parking

I’m liking the song that plays in the opening credits

Truely shows what it’s like opening a store/shop all on your own

If you don’t have the right keys for padlocks, then leave them and just tape a sign to it

“I assure you we’re open”

Already bored

“Vilification”

Smoking since 13 years old

That lung on the counter looks like a dead squirrel

Try gum instead of smoking

How to stop a smoker – Show them a diseased lung

ITS JAY & SILENT BOB!!!

How to make an intro – Do a spit take

“I’ll fuck anything that moves”

Jay likes to say “Fuck”

Guy is still in shop trying to stop smokers

10ish minutes and enjoying every minute for me

He just compared smokers to nazis

Veronica appears on the counter with a fire extunguisher

The guy works for a gum company!!!

After all that, he still wants cigarettes

“I’m not even supposed to be here today”

Leave money on counter!!!

When you’re not serving customers, paint womens fingernails

I’m learning about women from a film – Wonder if any of this is true

Snowball sounds high

He got the name from “jizzing into girls mouths and having them spit it back in his face”

36 DICKS!!!!

Doing down on men doesn’t truely mean you move men

“What the hell is resting your eyes?” – It’s called sleeping

Forget your keys, there in the bin

They both want a film on dental proseagures

Headline on paper says “Worlds Fattest Man Weds Tiniest Women”

“Let the past be the past”

She cheated on him 8 1/2 times in a five year relationship and called her Brad

Only just noticed that cigarettes were $1.95 back in 1994

“Happy Scrappy Hero Pup”

This is some video rental shop – All of these are porno titles

When the clerks away, the cat manages the shop

“You! Shopper! Watch me shit!”

Silent Bob’s cousin is Russian and wants to be a metal singer

He doesn’t sound like a metal singer

How did he get stuck in a Pringles can???

“What’s better – Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi”

They just spoiled the end to Empire Strikes Back

Now there spoiling all of Star Wars!!!

He claims the Death Star shouldn’t have taken that short of a time to build – Where did they get the builders for that

A roofer starts taking about roofer jobs

Jay is seen stuffing his face

The song in the background is about Chewbacca

I work in a video rental stall and don’t watch movies

There’s a customer who’s searching for the perfect eggs

Now the song in the background is a cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way”

This customer looks like Joe Pesquali

He just gave a pack of cigarettes to a young girl

Now let’s talk about “Nudie Booths” and “Jizz Moppers”

This customer is offended by their language so they show him a picture of a girls “downstair parts” (I couldn’t think of a better term)

“You expect me drink coffee without ice!!!”

The boss is in Vermont and isn’t coming back ’til Tuesday

“I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY”

Lets play hockey on the roof of the shop

Customer waits then leaves to climb the roof to complain then heckle

Customer then joins the game to take on Dante

Customer shoots hockey ball into grate across street

“I still get free Gatorade right”

I now feel sorry for Dante

New customer wants soft toilet paper and a porno magazine to use while on toilet

Silent Bob spends most of his time smoking next to a wall

Closes store again to go to a wake

Song in background is a cover of Bad Company’s “Shooting Star”

I now want to listen to the soundtrack (if there is one)

He died trying to give himself a blowjob… OK then

“Who wants to go to a store at 4pm on a Saturday” – Cut to shop door with customers outside

BAD RELIGION MUSIC!!!

He knocked a casket over after 5 minutes of being there

I’ve now thought of a drinking game – Take a shot everytime someone wants cigarettes

Customer takes about crazy headlines in papers

Randall spits in customers face… Because he wouldn’t shut up

Randall then takes Dante’s car to go to a video store… despite the fact he works in a video store

Customers accuses Dante of being fat and overweight

Dante gets fined $500 for something he didn’t do

Meanwhile with Randall in a video store

Forget that, Dante reunites with his ex, Kaitlyn

Outside, Jay dances while Silent Bob smokes

Dante still annoyed about the headline he saw about his ex getting married

His ex claims she got proposed and her mother put the headline in the paper

She wants to get back with Dante and doesn’t want to get married

Just shag her already!!!

Jay’s still dancing

NOW SILENT BOBS DANCING!!!

Randall rents “Best of Both Worlds” – a interracial porno

Dante breaks the news to Randall

Kaitlyn’s just shagged a randomer in the toilet

Turns out the randomer was the customer who wanted soft toilet paper

The randomer died masturbating

Snowball just sits in the back of the ambulance and it drives off

Randall makes “Salsa Shark” with salsa and Doritos

My life’s kinda like Dantes – Minus the sex

Remember the days when you could smoke indoors

SILENT BOB SPEAKS!!!

Randall tells everything to Veronica

“I’m not sad” – Veronica kicks Dante’s ass

Poor Dante

FIGHT!!! It’s Dante vs Randall!!!

Match ends as a NO CONTEST after Dante gets Skittles in the eye and Randall can’t swallow