After ending college, I decided to follow my heart and move to my birth country Ecuador. I have traveled a lot, and this small nation located below Colombia and above Peru held the most special place for me. So I left and decided to work online in my hometown where my family lived. In reality though, my heart was set in my most favorite city in the world, Quito. Problem was, I was (well am) deeply in debt, so the logical thing to do was to stay in my summer home with my family to save money. Problem was, I wasn’t too happy living with them. First off, they completely misunderstood my spirituality and my pagan religion. I couldn’t leave late out at night without them worrying or I would get in trouble for bringing guy friends late at night to help fix the shitty internet. Plus the city I was living in was completely uninspiring. There were NO cultural events or activities. It had beautiful nature and this safe small town vibe to it, but I yearned for city lights, crowds, excitement, and of course, colonial streets full of secrets and charming boys. 😉 So that was the overlooked, problem….

It was OK.

I had food, a place to sleep and company.

It was “alright” it was (ugh the worst one-

“this will do”.

But due to my finances, I had no rent money, a negative cash flow and I was relying on my family for stuff like bread and soup. I felt kinda bad, but I mistakenly told myself that I should stay here for 6 months until I could recoup the money through my online job. My family was kind, but living with them was too suffocating. To top it off, I spend all my savings in an internet line that didn’t work for shit. I felt completely frustrated by how “stuck” I felt.

Ok… Get On With Your Point…

Well if the universe didn’t step in through a faulty too slow internet connection that basically “forced” me to move to a major metropolitan city (my heart secretly flopped with QUITO!) Not only that, but I managed to score a super affordable duplex apartment with a balcony in a near impossible place to find a place –the Colonial Historic District! I couldn’t believe it but I live in a gorgeous restored home with amazing neighbors (an awesome gay couple and expats!) just minutes away from Carondelet, the Ecuadorian version of 1600 Pensylvannia Avenue.

Bottom line, once the universe sensed that staying a place I didn’t like, it forced things into gear by putting me in a position where I had to move to my dream city. I was even approved for a loan to secure the place. (I know what you’re thinking, hey wait a minute… if you had to take out a loan wouldn’t the universe, if it really wanted you to live there, not have you take out a loan? Well the answer is taking out a loan is not bad, its great if you use it as an investment to raise your vibrations. Taking out the loan to live in a place I love would raise my good feelings to attract an income situation that would be impossible had I stayed compliant, safe convenient and unhappy. Plus the fact that I even got approved was a miracle).

When the universe puts those dampening, awful situations that kick your ass out of the comforting safe zone , its because YOUR are READY and HAVE IT IN YOU to make the wild, unknown choices that raise your vibrations and are aligned with what you truly want.

Hey, my name is Schuyler and this is the blog for me to indulge and explore a shadow side of me. What is a shadow side? A shadow side is a part of you that you suppress, deny or completely ignore. You don’t acknowledge it out of fear, embarrassment, or even because “that’s not who I am”

It is you.

Childhood me versus grown up me were so different. My inner child delighted in all things light, feminine but also gothic and dark. Basically, my childhood heroes were Fancy Nancy and Mary Shelley, probably. But as I grew up, I portrayed myself as a total tomboy. I prided myself in never wearing makeup, having a disheveled appearance and basically never taking care of myself. I studied hard in school, made academics my only priority and shyed away from guys. Frankly, nothing wrong with that really, but I was completely denying the other side of me. The very very flirty, airy and lover of all things self care and gothic noir (my shadow aspect). As a child, I would spend my evenings engrossed in magic or horror books, or Country Living and Vogue magazine. I loved what I loved and didn’t question it. I was fiercely competitive and athletic, and made no apologies for who I was. I was the risk taking adventurer among my cousins, even leading them on guided tours to hunt for faeries.

Anyway, I grew up, the world and my parents got the best of me and I started battling depression up until now age 20. I went to college for two years, but the problem was even though I liked what I was studying, History, I hated the campus and the student body and just living in Florida. Every decision I made was out of convenience and what I was supposed to do. I had no self esteem and low self respect.

So finally, after a lot of soul searching I decided that I wanted to be completely true to myself no matter what the consequences.

My life has improved tremendously, and although I’m still taking baby steps, I am increadibly proud of myself for letting go of things that never served me best, they only served me “good” or “ok”.

This blog will chronicle my shadow journey as I start following my hears desire of magic, spirits, adventure, and all things gothic, fancy and urban!

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