Deep, Dark Money Secrets From 1,000 Women

Back when most of us were relying on the tooth fairy for our own meager incomes, the common attitude was that it was inappropriate or “in poor taste” to discuss money. Now the topic of women and money makes regular headlines (see: Ellen Pompeo opening up about her record-setting salary, and the head-slapping news that a woman who played a queen, Claire Foy, got paid less than the man playing a prince). And yet despite all the chatter, on a personal level things haven’t changed much: A full 67 percent of you don’t reveal your salary to friends; 82 percent don’t share it with colleagues. But experts believe there’s power in talking about how much we make, how much we spend, and how we’re investing, especially for young women, who earn less—and save less—than men.

At this turning point in our conversation about money, Glamour wanted to take stock of how women nationwide are really faring. How many could realistically walk away from a job right now? A bad relationship? What are women spending their hard-earned cash on, and what does that say about women’s hopes and values? A thousand women from across the country answered those questions and more. Read about the struggles and successes of women like you right here. (And don't miss more from Glamour's Money Issue.)

Women are simply not investing enough.

“Money is power, money is freedom, money is confidence, money is ‘Creepy boss, take your hand off of my leg.’ Money is ‘I’m starting my dream business.’ Not investing is costing women hundreds of thousands—or millions—of dollars in their lives. And not investing as much as the guys do is keeping us from having all of the options and power that they have. Just do it. Put a bit out of every paycheck to work.” —Sallie Krawcheck, C.E.O. and Co-founder of Ellevest, an investing platform for women

When did you feel financially powerful?

The answers we got were as varied as the women themselves. Here are a few of our favorites.

“When I went from being on welfare to making $55,000 annually.”

“When I kept my lifestyle the same after my husband died at 38 and I no longer had his income.”

Your top money goal: Getting out of debt.

Your biggest $$$ roadblock: Not making enough.

Just over a third of our survey takers said a low or under-market salary was the number-one thing preventing them from reaching their biggest money dreams. How can you ask for more?

“Research what you should be making—talk to friends, colleagues, go online,” says Ashley Feinstein Gerstley, founder of financial platform The Fiscal Femme. “Speak to your boss year-round about your goals and successes. Toot your own horn. And then just ask. A negotiation is just a conversation. If more salary isn’t available, get creative: Ask for a bigger 401(k) match.When I’m gathering courage to negotiate, I remember that I’m doing it on behalf of women everywhere to close the gender pay gap. Now that’s motivation!"

Your second biggest money roadblock: Cost of living.

Cost of living is technically defined as what it costs to pay for the necessities for every day life—food, shelter, clothing. But in practice, your must-have budget likely includes other things too, like your transportation, cell phone, and a few fun extras that just make life better. It often seems like these are costs that you have little control over—that there's no way to cut back to help you save more. But Kara Perez, founder of the financial platform Bravely, has some advice.

"Lowering cost of living has everything to do with your numbers and no one else’s. I dislike prescriptive advice like stop buying lattes or get a roommate; those don’t apply to everyone’s situation. You have to make financial decisions off of what you want to do with your life, what your goals are, and what your numbers are. First, try listing out every single thing you’re spending money on over a month-long period. That helps you see exactly where your money is going. You have needs—like rent and bills—but I suggest people cut back in the wants area. Creativity is a broke person’s best friend! Take month-long challenges, like only using public transportation and no ride-shares, or not eating out at restaurants, to see how much you can save in that time. If you get to the end of the month and you say, that was not worth it, then re-incorporate it back into your life. Then look at your needs and ask, how flexible are these? Are you eligible for a discount on your car insurance? Can you negotiate a discount on your rent for a few months with your landlord? Can you move to a cheaper city? Yes, moving is big, but sometimes drastic change is what you really need to do to save.

"A few years ago I felt really trapped by my low income and student loan debt. I saw friends getting promotions and traveling, things I didn’t have the money for. I was making a little over $18,000, and had about $18,000 left in debt. My overarching goal was to be debt free, so I cut out absolutely everything that was a want. I stopped spending frivolously; I started aggressively making payments. Then I looked at my needs and thought, how negotiable are these? I negotiated with my landlord for a discount on my rent for two months; it wasn’t a permanent solution, but it did free up $400 for me to make payments. In a year, I paid off the remainder of my debt! That plan worked for me."

Who do you believe will fix the pay gap?

72 percent of our respondents say they don't have a "F*ck-Off Fund."

Haven't heard this term before? Let us explain: A F*ck-Off Fund is emergency savings you can dig into when you need it most—say to leave a bad job or a harmful relationship. Shockingly, a full 71 percent of Glamour's survey takers say they've stayed in a job because they couldn't afford to leave; 31 percent say they've been financially trapped in a relationship. It's critical for women to have more financial freedom.

Paulette Perhach first popularized the term when she wrote an essay that went viral last year. She built up hers—and then used it after she traveled throughout South America and jumpstarted her dream career. If you haven't been persuaded by how vital it is to have a financial safety net, let her convince you in this essay.