2. Sandwiches get meaningful fillings. You just get superficial toppings. When will people start caring about the inner you? Sandwiches have it so good.

3. Dates in town never take you back to theirs. ‘Relationships’ (hollow laugh) last two days, tops.

4. Maybe you’re highly sensitive? You think you might be highly sensitive. But… do people like you most when you’re not around? They appear to be in a serious hurry to get rid of you the minute you show up.

5. Your soul is bitter. Bitter like capers. Bitter, bitter capers. To taste a caper is to taste your tears.

6. When you’re a pizza, you can just about hold it together when you’re alone. In public you go to pieces.

7. You attend far too many questionable parties. Oh, the times you’ve woken up with someone’s shoe in your face. The unforgettable times.

8. You can’t even break someone’s heart, apparently. No. Not like sandwiches.

10. You constantly get stereotyped in movies as the criminal element bringing in the gun, the controlled substances, the nail file, even the ransom note in your cardboard box. NOT ALL PIZZAS COMMIT CRIMES OKAY QUIT WITH THE STEREOTYPING.

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About Mookychick

The Mookychick website and community was born in 2005 to be an alternative feminist haven of inclusivity and joy. Mookychick is more than the sum of its parts. All our members actively help each other - and you won't find a wittier, thinkier or kinder bunch anywhere.