Drag superstar JACKIE BEAT discusses pop culture, style and how to add some much-needed "oomph!" to any life.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

BUTTOX!

BE HONEST, DOES YOUR ASS GIVE AWAY YOUR AGE?

BEFORE

Have you somehow managed to keep your face looking relatively young, but below the waist and from behind you look older-than-dirt? What’s the point of wearing hip ‘n’ trendy fashions, sleeping with people 20 years your junior and listening to music by artists young enough to be your grandchildren if you’re going to pack a sagging, wrinkled senior citizen’s butt into those skintight, low-rise jeans?

IT’S TIME FOR BUTTOX.

Buttox is a powerful poison that’s injected right into your caboose to make it look 5, 10, even 15 years younger! Imagine once again having a firm, wrinkle-free bottom. Still not convinced? Just listen to what these satisfied Buttox users have to say…

“I was going on a vacation to Europe and didn’t want to avoid all the fabulous bottomless beaches. Thanks to Buttox, I didn’t have to!”

- Beverly Anderson-Wilkes, New York NY

“I can now fit into my old army uniform thanks to Buttox! Oh, and my keester is so tight you can bounce a quarter off it! Buttox, I salute you!”

- Retired Gen. Ralph Garfield, Sun Valley ID

“As a stripper, my ass is my fortune and Buttox has made it possible for me to once again make a very good living by exposing my behind. Come Monday, I’m quitting my boring job at the bookmobile and going back to Cheetah’s to shake my 78 year-old ass!”

- Gwendolyn Fischer, Los Angeles CA

“I’m a big fag and in my world, ass is just about everything! Before Buttox, if I wanted some hot man-on-man action I had to hire one of those cross-eyed, crack-addicted bisexual street hustlers wearing hideously outdated ’80s fashions. Now, thanks to your miracle product, this horny 36 year-old troll can trick with just about anyone — if the bar is dimly lit and my prey is real drunk. Thanks Buttox!”

- Bruce LaSalle, Key West FL

"You can have a rib removed and bathe in the blood of virgins, but all young guys care about is your ass. This is some good shit!"

- Cher, Beverly Hills CA

It worked for them and it can work for you! Don’t wait to hit rock bottom -- literally. Ask your doctor about Buttox today and turn your delapidated derrierre back into your formerly taut ‘n’ toned “mountain of youth.”