This is a discussion on How do you tell someone to lighten up or loosen up without offending them within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; My friend to put colloquially...
HAS A GIGANTIC FUCKING STICK UP HER ASS
She is a typed INFJ. She should ...

How do you tell someone to lighten up or loosen up without offending them

My friend to put colloquially...
HAS A GIGANTIC FUCKING STICK UP HER ASS

She is a typed INFJ. She should know, she's a psych major and has studied Jungian functions and is one of the few people who I can talk to about this stuff.

The way she "scolds" me for whatever nonsense I do is starting to get very. Very. VERY. Irritating. It's start to come to a point where I just want to tell her to "shut the fuck up you self-righteous arrogant bitch - I can pinpoint every single "immoral" thing you've done so don't push me to go there"

I get this feel that she sees me as an overgrown kid or she looks down at juvenile behaviour and wants me to behave like a grown ass adult. Aka be boring, don't make jokes, don't talk about sex, don't sleep around etc. etc.

I won't lie. I do tend to get very immature. I play a lot of jokes on people, I like to stir things up for fun and well, I like to be very spontaneous and random. That's just how I am. She. cannot. understand. this. Or rather, she won't.

I'm not sure if she's unable to figure out that I'm just like that and all the "juvenile" activity I do is for fun and shouldn't be taken seriously.

I know not all INFJs are like this and this probably has a lot more to do with her own personal character than the Jungian functions but maybe you wise INFJs can offer this frustrated SP your "wisdom"

Alright, so the thing with a LOT of INFJ's is when we are fixed on our own viewpoints, we can't see the others even if you shove a torchlight in our eyes. Major INFJ blindspot.
You need to show her that there are other ways of viewing this situation/issue that are just as valid for consideration.
If she really likes you, she will take heed to this immediately. Worked with me that way

Seems like she could write up the same post, but in reverse, about a friend that she feels needs to start taking things a bit more seriously. In other words, it seems like she may be as equally annoyed by your behavior as you are of hers.

In any case, it may be a great opportunity to have a heart to heart. Generally you always soften the mood with voice tone, mannerisms, and also expressing some genuine feelings of appreciation for the person. However, you slowly lead towards expressing some sort of dissonance, friction, or whatever you want to call it and asking whether she has felt the same. In all likelihood she'll vent for a bit, but be sure not to snap back, make excuses, or get offended -- just shut up and listen. After that's mostly passed, go back to talking about how you appreciate her, trace back to some nostalgic moments together that would bring a smile to both of your faces, but then segway into how you've been feeling as of late.

Alright, so the thing with a LOT of INFJ's is when we are fixed on our own viewpoints, we can't see the others even if you shove a torchlight in our eyes. Major INFJ blindspot.
You need to show her that there are other ways of viewing this situation/issue that are just as valid for consideration.
If she really likes you, she will take heed to this immediately. Worked with me that way

Is that an Ni thing? Is it really?!

Joking. Anyhow, no, how am I supposed to show her my lifestyle or my behaviour is beneficial to her when she's already deemed it inappropriate or beneath her? We're just polar opposites I guess

Seems like she could write up the same post, but in reverse, about a friend that she feels needs to start taking things a bit more seriously. In other words, it seems like she may be as equally annoyed by your behavior as you are of hers.

In any case, it may be a great opportunity to have a heart to heart. Generally you always soften the mood with voice tone, mannerisms, and also expressing some genuine feelings of appreciation for the person. However, you slowly lead towards expressing some sort of dissonance, friction, or whatever you want to call it and asking whether she has felt the same. In all likelihood she'll vent for a bit, but be sure not to snap back, make excuses, or get offended -- just shut up and listen. After that's mostly past, go back to talking about how you appreciate her, trace back to some nostalgic moments together that would bring a smile to both of your faces, but then segway into how you've been feeling as of late.

Agreed. Very importantly, in my eyes, you should hear her out. Allow her to speak her mind and finish voicing all of her thoughts, explaining why she "has a stick up her but" (allow her to do so without interruption). When she has had a chance to finish, follow that with a gentle (genuine) explanation as to why you act the way you do. I know that I, personally, am far more receptive when I'm not feeling accused, or attacked.

Joking. Anyhow, no, how am I supposed to show her my lifestyle or my behaviour is beneficial to her when she's already deemed it inappropriate or beneath her? We're just polar opposites I guess

Nope, anyone can become more open. Just reason with her.

eg:-

her: Why do you joke around with people like that it's really immature?
you: because I like to keep things light hearted and not serious and as non-commital as possible, this is the best way to do that.

Seems like she could write up the same post, but in reverse, about a friend that she feels needs to start taking things a bit more seriously. In other words, it seems like she may be as equally annoyed by your behavior as you are of hers.

In any case, it may be a great opportunity to have a heart to heart. Generally you always soften the mood with voice tone, mannerisms, and also expressing some genuine feelings of appreciation for the person. However, you slowly lead towards expressing some sort of dissonance, friction, or whatever you want to call it and asking whether she has felt the same. In all likelihood she'll vent for a bit, but be sure not to snap back, make excuses, or get offended -- just shut up and listen. After that's mostly passed, go back to talking about how you appreciate her, trace back to some nostalgic moments together that would bring a smile to both of your faces, but then segway into how you've been feeling as of late.

PersonalityCafe Message

Errors

The following errors occurred with your submission

Quick Reply

Register Now

Please enter the name by which you would like to log-in and be known on this site.If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.

Password:

Confirm Password:

Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Email Address:

Please enter a valid email address for yourself. *Note* To protect our forum from spam, we require all users to verify their email. We will send you a confirmation email after you've created an account. Be sure to check your "spam" box if you don't receive it in your inbox.

Log-in

User Name:

Password:

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

It seems we currently are experiencing a number of random issues with the forum. These could include: ghost private messages, incorrectly dated PMs, old PMs becoming unread, phantom notifications, deleted accounts, etc.

Bear with us while we figure out what is going on. If you have any issue to report, please do so in the support forum. Don\'t panic!