Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Exactly!! HIV is enough. I will never bareback (EVER) even if in a monogamous relationship I don't want to get a second strain of HIV. But that's not the worst thing. I'm worried about Hepetatis C and Syphilis.

I would kill myself if I got Syphilis in my system. I heard it's nasty to deal with.

hwy11poz

I would kill myself if I got Syphilis in my system. I heard it's nasty to deal with.

I did get syphilis in my system.....and it was horrible. I've never felt so sick before. But I am grateful for the syphilis (as weird as that sounds). It's what caused me to get another HIV test - because I'd been too trusting with the few men I'd been with.

I won't go in depth about it. All I know is that it's important to wear condoms while having sex, for me personally. I may have HIV, but it is still possible for me to get other STD's. I don't get why guys who become POZ suddenly prefer to do more barebacking. I mean it's not like we are immune to getting any more STD's.

I've been Celibate since September 2008, it only takes one night of barebacking to fuck it up and put myself at huge risk. (Even if the guy is Poz)

It seems like this is a vibrant thread... but I'll throw my few cents in:

1. Don't focus on "finding" a relationship. Focus on being happy. Nobody goes out looking for someone who is needy. People are drawn to others who are fun and happy. Be realistic about dating. Most people run if you say Love in the first 2 weeks. Take your time and have a vision for how you will get into a relationship and stay there. Be honest about why you want a relationship.

2. Find things to get involved in. It will keep you busy and you will have fun. These can be volunteering or activity based. Pick things you like and you will meet others who like them too. Birds of a feather flock together.

3. My thoughts on online:- Manhunt (tends to be "a-list" and mostly neg or pretending to be neg guys.) I don't care for it since they remodeled. I tend to get rejeted alot on Manhunt.- bbrts.com (yes it promotes bareback sex) There are alot of poz guys here who are reasonably well adjusted and there is less game playing. The site is a good supporter of the community. There is alot of PNP here which i don't care for... but I've met some hot guys on here too.- My site (poztexas.org). I have made quite a few friends by being involved in a social site.- Craigslist: (aka flakeslist)... not a productive place for anything beyond a hookup. Even then lots of issues related to honesty about stds.

4. My thoughts on Offline:- clubs: Not so much. People are there to engage in things I don't enjoy (getting drunk/high)- Baths: Fun, but not for dating. I have a gym membership at Club Houston and do workout there. Working out is a great activity and I've met a few folks through there. I have more social interaction at the baths than I do sexual interaction. - Poz Support Groups: This has been good for friends and dates.- Friends: Friends are a great source of new connections to others you may click with.

Logged

Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Yeah. Adam4Adam is nice, but all the guys there that are POZ are whores. I mean it sucks, but Oh Well.

Guys aren't even interested into "Friends With Benefits" They just want One on One Sex. All guys do is comment on how great my body is. Yes, My body is in great condition, very toned. So to them that isn't a deal breaker? Wtf.

Oh well. I knew it was too good be true just to even find a buddy. hehe.

It's just a pic of me of me at the beach, but I do have my face on it. So it's not a "Sexual" Picture like the ones that you would take in a promiscuous form. I posted it as obviously people are going to ask me eventually of how my body looks like. I also just have a pic of my face, and a photo with me just in regular clothes.No cock pics, or anything sexual. It looks like a regular facebook profile type of thing.

Basically: A friend took a photo of me on the beach, going into the water. A faceshot, and a pic of me going out to a restaurant with friends.

It says "Not Looking To Hookup. Looking for friendship, or friends with benefits type of thing if you want to do that. basically. Idk. I understand it's hard to expect something decent. hehe

So the younger guys kind of don't want "Friends With Benefits" They Want 1 on 1 Sex. But it's okay, at least I'm "mingling" With guys my age. There is these few men that keep hitting on me. They are old guys in their late 30's and early 40's. They won't leave me alone!!! Especially this one guy. He's getting mad because he is sending me messages and I don't respond. This is what he wrote me.

"Would it kill you to take two minutes out of your life to write me back? I get it that you're young, but just because I'm 40 doesn't mean I can't keep up with you young guys. I'd like to see you be my age, then maybe you'll get it"

WTF is this shit!? P.s. I still didn't reply to him. Fucking Psycho Bitch.

Please believe me when I say that I understand completely where you're coming from. I understand why you may not find guys in their 30s and 40s to be sexually attractive. I understand why you are upset with the 40-year-old who is harassing you; he's a jerk---no doubt about it. I understand why you're not interested in hooking up with someone who is around the age of your parents. You are completely entitled to seek sexual adventures with young men your own age.

HOWEVER, may I suggest that you are a little too "hung up" on the age factor? I say this not to encourage you to respond sexually to older men, but to help you realize that you seem to have a serious mental block about chronological age. Most people would never state that men in their 30s and 40s are "old." As leatherman has pointed out, they're oldER than you, but they're not, in any common sense of the word, "old." Most people would consider them to be in the prime of their lives.

In about 10 years, you yourself will be in the 30 age bracket. Believe me when I say that those years will pass in a flash. I know you do not believe this to be true, but it is so. I tell you this from my own experience, and I think that most oldER men would also affirm this. You will not, and cannot, remain 19 or 20 forever. In 10 years' time, do you really think that you will consider yourself "old"? Do you really think that guys your own age, 30, are "old"? If so, will you consider yourself "old" in a decade? I sincerely hope not, because if you do, you will cause yourself completely unnecessary sorrow and grief.

When I was your age, I thought that 40 would be "over the hill." When I turned 40, I realized that I was at my physical and sexual peak. I can only hope that this will be your experience as well. It is true that beauty is a particular characteristic of the young, but beauty can last much longer than you are currently prepared to acknowledge. If you are willing to accept the fact that turning 30 does not necessarily mean that one becomes an ugly old fart, you will be able to appreciate and enjoy that sexual attractiveness does not begin and end with ages 20 and 30. Such an outlook can only lead to depression and despair.

I wish you good luck with finding a partner your own age who will turn you on, and I hope that you will be able to see that as you grow older, your tastes will likely change as well. If not, when you're 40, you'll become the jerk who's pestering the hell out of you now.

I was always fortunate, in some ways, in looking younger than my actual age. When I was 30, I was still being carded at bars. When I was 40, everyone thought I was 30. I had a best friend at the time who always used to say to me: "Some day you'll wake up, and there'll be 20 years on the pillowcase." He was right.

If 30 or 40 is "old," what would you call me? I'm 67.

Love or what you will from a pseudo-grandfather....

Logged

"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

to me it seems like many gay ppl need to be educated that having a poz partener is very possible and should not be dramatized.and regarding the dating issue,i have chatted with one for months (he was neg) and he was so interested in a coffee,and since i felt he was patient during those months of chatting,i thought of telling him especially that he was an older guy,and when i did he just vanished,not that i care,BUT,it proves to me that when it comes to meeting someone over then net,dont tell,just play safe coz you dont know what they have or wehter they are honest about their status.and regarding the poz sites for dating ? ... they have weirder people than gaydar .

what you're on are public websites, just like this one is. the gamut of people that you'll come across is vast. don't take getting hit on by a 30 or 40 year old so to heart. maybe another way to think of it is like this: you insist on only considering hiv + relationships, correct? well just maybe some of those 30-40 year olds (excluding the ones that simply want to fuck you ) feel similarly and are also reaching out to others with the disease, for companionship/friendship. there could potentially be a lot of gain in learning to cope with hiv from someone older than yourself. i'd say that's something worthy of consideration, especially as you have been having issues with that. food for thought....

Please believe me when I say that I understand completely where you're coming from. I understand why you may not find guys in their 30s and 40s to be sexually attractive. I understand why you are upset with the 40-year-old who is harassing you; he's a jerk---no doubt about it. I understand why you're not interested in hooking up with someone who is around the age of your parents. You are completely entitled to seek sexual adventures with young men your own age.

HOWEVER, may I suggest that you are a little too "hung up" on the age factor? I say this not to encourage you to respond sexually to older men, but to help you realize that you seem to have a serious mental block about chronological age. Most people would never state that men in their 30s and 40s are "old." As leatherman has pointed out, they're oldER than you, but they're not, in any common sense of the word, "old." Most people would consider them to be in the prime of their lives.

In about 10 years, you yourself will be in the 30 age bracket. Believe me when I say that those years will pass in a flash. I know you do not believe this to be true, but it is so. I tell you this from my own experience, and I think that most oldER men would also affirm this. You will not, and cannot, remain 19 or 20 forever. In 10 years' time, do you really think that you will consider yourself "old"? Do you really think that guys your own age, 30, are "old"? If so, will you consider yourself "old" in a decade? I sincerely hope not, because if you do, you will cause yourself completely unnecessary sorrow and grief.

When I was your age, I thought that 40 would be "over the hill." When I turned 40, I realized that I was at my physical and sexual peak. I can only hope that this will be your experience as well. It is true that beauty is a particular characteristic of the young, but beauty can last much longer than you are currently prepared to acknowledge. If you are willing to accept the fact that turning 30 does not necessarily mean that one becomes an ugly old fart, you will be able to appreciate and enjoy that sexual attractiveness does not begin and end with ages 20 and 30. Such an outlook can only lead to depression and despair.

I wish you good luck with finding a partner your own age who will turn you on, and I hope that you will be able to see that as you grow older, your tastes will likely change as well. If not, when you're 40, you'll become the jerk who's pestering the hell out of you now.

I was always fortunate, in some ways, in looking younger than my actual age. When I was 30, I was still being carded at bars. When I was 40, everyone thought I was 30. I had a best friend at the time who always used to say to me: "Some day you'll wake up, and there'll be 20 years on the pillowcase." He was right.

If 30 or 40 is "old," what would you call me? I'm 67.

Love or what you will from a pseudo-grandfather....

35 Is Old. "What you talking about willis?" Obviously we all get older one day. I get that.

I know when I'm 35 I'm going to embrace my old age and flaunt it. hehe, I'm just not going to be that creep hitting on teenage/early 20's boys. Actually when you DO THAT, it draws attention to your age more when you think about it. They shouldn't get mad when they get rejected, maybe that's why they're 40 and all alone because they base their emphasis on a near impossible standard.

what you're on are public websites, just like this one is. the gamut of people that you'll come across is vast. don't take getting hit on by a 30 or 40 year old so to heart. maybe another way to think of it is like this: you insist on only considering hiv + relationships, correct? well just maybe some of those 30-40 year olds (excluding the ones that simply want to fuck you ) feel similarly and are also reaching out to others with the disease, for companionship/friendship. there could potentially be a lot of gain in learning to cope with hiv from someone older than yourself. i'd say that's something worthy of consideration, especially as you have been having issues with that. food for thought....

hang in there,

max

They're not reaching out to me because of my disease. They are reaching out to me because being with a young guy turns them on.

They're not reaching out to me because of my disease. They are reaching out to me because being with a young guy turns them on.

i'm sure that's the case for a certain percentage of your 'admirers' but, that shouldn't be made into an otherwise generalizing blanket statement. you just might find that diamond in the rough if you allow yourself to think and experience things from outside the box. this is especially true if you're not into the 1 on 1 physical only thing which you said is all the dudes your age are all looking for. at the end of the day, whatever works for you is cool. i'm just glad to hear that you're doing better.

Its easy to find someone in their 20's or early 30's down here in Alabama but, to find someone around my age its more difficult... young men always hit me up online ... one on pozpersonals wrote from Atlanta he's 36... well I wrote back stating we can be friends but, he was too young for me... When I was younger I did not want to date a man in his 40's... nothing to talk about... nothing really in common...so now I am looking for men in the 40's and 50's but, most are tooooooooo twisted for me and not in a good way! oh well?

Its easy to find someone in their 20's or early 30's down here in Alabama but, to find someone around my age its more difficult... young men always hit me up online ... one on pozpersonals wrote from Atlanta he's 36... well I wrote back stating we can be friends but, he was too young for me... When I was younger I did not want to date a man in his 40's... nothing to talk about... nothing really in common...so now I am looking for men in the 40's and 50's but, most are tooooooooo twisted for me and not in a good way! oh well?

Yeah that's the thing. If for whatever reason I am 40, I will date men my age. Though at that point they are really "Akward' I don't know why it is. I hope when I'm 40 and if single (For whatever reason my bf and I break up, or other problems) I can find a normal guy MY age at that point, though it would be much more difficult IMO for a normal guy,

I always wonder how do you bring tell a guy that you have HIV after you've been on a few dates. I actually am better at meeting guys in person than online. I'm 30 and I look far and away better than almost anyone I've ever met. To me age is just a number. If I'm attracted to the guy and think he looks good and we have a lot in common he could be 50 years old and I will still be attracted to him and date him.

It was much easier to tell my now xbf than to tell a date. Would you believe I stayed with him for as long as I did because I was afraid of being alone... Now I look back and think what a HUGE mistake. So yeah I guess I'll be having "that" conversation coming up here pretty soon assuming a lot.

As far as The Roof and the whole age thing, I can understand wanting to have something in common with someone. However, I wouldn't write someone off simply because of a number. How about the overall person? One would think it'd be much easier to write someone off for having a debilitating disease and one that's transmittable to boot. I would always try to keep an open mind and not let age by itself be the determining factor as to whether or not I date someone.

Yeah but I'm not talking about dating. It's a hook-up site. If let's say a negative guy has TWO options. Two guys who look similar. One is poz, one is neg. Who would he pick?I think the answer is obvious.