Reality TV on Main Street? What's next?

Stephen BlackOn Borrowed Time

Published: Friday, November 16, 2012 at 1:08 p.m.

Last Modified: Friday, November 16, 2012 at 1:08 p.m.

"I just want to say, you're a lot hotter than I expected!" These less than immortal words come from Angela Riccio, a contestant in a pilot for a new "reality TV" show. She was speaking, amazingly enough, to Bret Mathis, son of Mud Creek Baptist Church pastor Greg Mathis. Bless and save us, cried Mrs. O'Davis, what will we witness next?

Folks, I just had to hit this silly thing. I'm writing, of course, about "Road To Love." Parts of this immature "drama" were filmed, I'm sorry to say, in our beloved Hooterville. A big photo of the "girls" standing in a row on Main Street was front-page news last month. I am reminded why I stopped watching television years ago.

As I understand it, the concept of "Road To Love" is a takeoff of the show, "The Bachelor." Why we need two shows like this is beyond me. I would have thought one would have been more than enough. The way I figure it, 10 bachelorettes descend upon Hooterville like a plague of locusts. Greedy locusts. Their goal? Simple avarice — end of story.

These blatant gold diggers coo, cuddle and canoodle their way into some guy's heart and soon separate him from his earthly possessions. Perhaps this is why Mathis is acting the male part in this show. The Bible, you see, teaches us to always keep our earthly treasures to a minimum, lest we worship that which rusts, busts, rips, tears and burns, rather than God Himself.

By choosing one of the gold diggers, Mathis will prove he does not value earthly treasures, since his potential new wife will strip him financially. Thus this seedy, cheesy show will actually be transmogrified into an old-fashioned morality play!

This show treats women like cattle or concubines. The manner in which women are chosen is not just demeaning, it is a mockery of God's institution of marriage.

Surely Bret isn't serious. Does he really think any of these valley girls are going to marry him and settle down in a small town, have little Baptist babies and be a stay-at-home momma?

The reason I love Hooterville is because of its simplicity. The front-page photo shows the ladies staring self-consciously on Main Street. Are any of them really going to be soccer moms? Somehow just looking at the potential brides-to-be in that big photo gives me no confidence that this dog and pony show is going to lead to marital bliss.

Folks, look where these ladies hail from: Chicago, Brooklyn, New York City, Los Angeles. Do they really want to spend their youth and happiness in Hooterville? Really? After living in the big city, will they be satisfied going to tractor pulls and monster truck rallies? Will these gals equate the Apple Festival with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade? Maybe. But I'm not sure.

I also notice where some parishioners from Mud Creek Baptist Church are going to be on the show. I'm serious when I ask, have these people taken leave of their senses?

Do these solid, staunch church members realize what kind of cheap and sleazy trash these TV shows are? In the name of heaven, people, think about this. You are making a terrible mistake.

I can remember when Baptists used to be dead set against Hollywood and its "leg shows," as the Rev. John R. Rice used to call them. And now the faithful are actually appearing in a leg show! Get thee behind me, Satan.

Dearly beloved, what is going on here? Hooterville authorities officially closed off parts of Main Street so women could gain exposure by strutting up and down while squinting into the sun. A godly local church seems to have lost its bearings. A preacher's kid is heading in the wrong direction.

What next?

How much more of this inane insanity must we continue to live with? Now I know what Lord Cornwallis must have felt like when he surrendered to American forces at Yorktown, Va., in 1781. As he and his army marched out of the British fortifications, the band played, "World Turned Upside Down"!

If Cornwallis thought things were crazy back then, he should time travel to the future and visit Hooterville. He would really think everybody has gone nuts!

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