Terms:
Angel Chaps - garments
Apes - see AP above
Apologetic - someone who tries explaining the inconsistencies or other problems with the Church in a positive light
Backslider - someone trying to be active in the Church but cant seem to fall in line
Baker's Hat - stupid temple ceremony head gear
Big 15 - LDS president, two counsellors and 12 apostles
Branch - a small Mormon parish
Closet Doubter - Someone who dosen't believe the Church anymore, but still is active and pretends to be a believer
Correlation - Church program started in the 1960's to completely overhaul the church organization and centralize total control of the Church to the Apostles and First Presidency.
Courts of Love - diciplinary council where you get exed
Crutch - Mormon Church
Discussions - 6 canned lessons that all missionaries teach to "Investigators"
Eric - He owns this place and his word is law
Ex -excommunicate
Exed - excommunicated
Exmo - Ex-Mormon
Funeral potatoes - a typical dish at Mormon functions or deliverd as a charitable gesture when someone dies
Garmies - Garments
Golden Contact = someone the mishies definately think will agree to a baptism after the 6 discussions
Great-and-Spacious Building - The new $500mil church conference center in Salt Lake City
Happy Valley - Provo Utah, high concentration of Mormons and home of BYU
Herms - sister missionaries, comes from Spanish term "Hermanas"
Ivory Tower - Phalic-looking Church Office Buildiing in Salt Lake City
Investigator - someone taking the missionary discussions
Jesus Jammies - garments
Kolob - sun nearest to where God lives, according to Mormon scripture
Lurker - Someone who frequents reading the board but rarely if ever posts
Mainstreaming - the Mormon Church's changing it's own doctrine, practices and image to look more Christian
Mishies - Missionaries
McTemple - a Mormon Mini-Temple
Mormon Corridor - Arizona, Utah, Idaho high-density mormon states
Mormon Salute - gesture made by Mormons constantly pulling their underwear out of their butts
Morg - the Church acting like a Star Trek Borg Collective, "Mormon Borg"
Morgbot - a Mormon who demonstrates lack of independant thought, "Mormon Borg Robot"
Moron - a Mormon who demonstrates lack of independant thought
Nevermo - someone who has never been a member of the Church
Newbie - someone new to the board or new to the whole concet that the church is a hoax
Pay Lay Ale - a chant from the temple ceremony that was supposed to mean, "Oh God, hear the words of my mouth." It was deleted when the temple ceremony was modernized in the 1990s; a metaphore for all that's weird in the church and it's habit of changing what was supposed to be directly revealed and completely perfect in the first place.
Pod - a Mormon who follows leaders blindly
Polygamy - one man being married to more than one wife, also known as "Polygyny"
Polyandry - two men married to the same woman at the same time which was praticed by early church leaders
Profit - psudonym for "Prophet"
Postmo - ex-mormon/recovering mormon
QuadCom - a 3" thick 4-in-1 edition of the LDS standard works that has become a popular replacement for a Bible and triple combination
Sacred Skivvies - garments
Smoking Gun - fact or evidence that indicates the Church is a fraud
Stake - a collection of Wards
Sticks - Scriptures
The Y - BYU, not YMCA
Troll - someone who posts a rude/ignorant message "trolling" for responses. See also the entry for Troll in the Jargon File.
Ward - standard Mormon parish
White Bible - strict rulebook given to all missionaries