Cons

Bottom Line

Striving for the kind of romance found in low-budget pornography, the all-inclusive Club Ambiance offers polyester bedcovers, the Playboy Channel on a tiny TV, an on-site club with a stripper pole, and tactless "What's 69 in Chinese?" games. Fine for hard-boozing couples (18-and-over) -- but that's about it.

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Oyster Hotel Photos

Oyster Hotel Review

Scene

Strictly adults-only, with all activities heading back to the bedroom.

The Pool Bar

When Mommy and Daddy are knocking back rum like this, it's no wonder they leave the kids at home. Club Ambiance is a low-budget resort with an equal split of American and British couples who are (ahem) extremely interested in each other (though singles and swingers are also welcome). This is as "adult" as it gets; strictly 18-and-over.

Location

Barely five minutes from Breezes Runnaway Bay, Club Ambiance is in a line of hotels of varying stature along Main Street. But apart from these hotels, there's really nothing else. And as is the case of most resorts in Jamaica, you can't just wander in unless you're a paying guest.

A 30-minute taxi ride to Ocho Rios costs $40.

Rooms

From the flower-strewn bed to the TV (Playboy Channel on default), it's all designed to get guests in the mood.

The Standard Room

Standard Rooms feel like out of the "Boogie Nights" set, with flowers suggestively strewn on polyester bedcovers and tiny outdated TVs with channels such as the Playboy Channel.

Rooms are large, with hard mattresses, balconies, empty mini-fridges, and good lighting. There is Wi-Fi and wired Internet for a fee, but the property has otherwise pretty spartan in-room amenities for a place billing itself as a "resort."

Bathrooms are tiny and basic, with shower/tub combos, a sink and a toilet. There's decent water pressure, but the hotel only provides a wispy cake of brittle blue soap and no other toiletries.

Features

Racist party games, a narrow beach, and a skanky nightclub -- but the game room and the pool are OK.

Bottom Line

Striving for the kind of romance found in low-budget pornography, the all-inclusive Club Ambiance offers polyester bedcovers, the Playboy Channel on a tiny TV, an on-site club with a stripper pole, and tactless "What's 69 in Chinese?" games. Fine for hard-boozing couples (18-and-over) -- but that's about it.