Now, before I begin, I must warn you, dear reader: I do not get shocked easily, so I hope you don’t either.

let’s begin with the things the Green Dog likes.

1. Honesty.
The type of honesty that requires courage and makes your knees tremble a bit, although you know you’re doing the right thing.It’s not an honesty that you push upon others, but a self-serving, disciplined kindness that you treat yourself with and naturally flows through you and out towards anyone that interacts with you.

2. Happiness.
The joy of a child, the smile of the love of your life, a good book, hot chocolate, thick socks in the winter, watching a sunset, a hug that puts your battered pieces back in their place.

3. LOVE.
With capital letters. Unconditional,eternal, can’t-live-without-it, breathing, palpitating, living. The type of love I was always told didn’t exist and was made to feel sceptical about. They lied to me. It DOES, in fact, exist. It has always been in my life. I will make it room so it stays.

4. Music.
Heart stopping, timeless, leaves-me-in-tears kind of music. Anything from Bach to the Beatles, from Guns n Roses to Adele, from Leonard Cohen to Barbra Streisand, from Pachelbel to Hevia, from Metallica to the Bee Gees. (phew, what a ride, eh?)

5. Chocolate!
Any type, any time. S’all good…

6. Writing.
About any and every little thing that crosses my wee mind. Unapologetically. I am especially interested in what makes society tick, whether it be a concert, an idea, a situation. I am a chronic over thinker, so I usually have to stop myself from looking at a situation from perspective 457b.

Now…(dramatic music, thunder and lightning) what makes the Green Dog growl and bark at the top of my lungs?

1. Hypocrisy.
I can’t bear it. It makes my skin crawl. I am all about live and let live, but please, it works both ways! Some people can’t seem to accept the fact that if you wish to be permitted to live your life by your rules, you should logically grant others the right to do the same. And if you feel the need to lie about/ hide/ tweak things in your life because of public opinion, I’d suggest a good beer and a mental ‘up yours’ to whoever dares meddle in your affairs. Lying will get you nowhere (except if you’re rich and/or a politician).

2.Naysayers.
Just.Shut.Up.
If you cannot-or will not- try something, let the rest of humanity take their chances. We actually want to live because that is the purpose of life.

3. Haters
See that tree over there? Go tell it how awful it is, how it doesn’t look natural enough, how its leaves are disgusting. Get yourself a punching bag and leave the rest of us alone. And mostly love yourself so can stop blaming everything else.

4.Narcissists.
The world is a better place without you, so just go manicure yourselves into oblivion and take your manipulating hides on a permanent vacation. To Mars. My treat.

5. Whiners.
The world owes you nothing. Other people are not better off than you, it’s just that they DO something about it.