A leisure centre in Luton. Contrastingly-shaped C-listers in garish swimwear. The vague whiff of chlorine and desperation. This was Splash (ITV), the channel’s replacement for The X Factor in the Saturday schedules. Rather than time to face the music, co-host Gabby Logan announced that it was, “Time… to make… a Splash!”

Tom Daley's celebrity diving contest was much derided when it debuted last year but defied critics to attract nearly 6m viewers and become ITV's highest rating new entertainment series for five years. Back for a second run, it had improved in certain areas – but was still woefully poor in others.

The production design and lighting had moved up a level but the programme remains ploddingly paced. The action essentially comprised seven dives, each over in three seconds apiece, yet it occupied 90 minutes of primetime, thanks to copious padding and endless commercial breaks.

The climactic reveal of the results was over-complicated and muddled. The water aerobics interludes were dated and deeply cheesy. We could also do without the celebrities being made to perform cringe-making striptease-style dances and stand shivering wet while the judges delivered their verdicts.

Their efforts were critiqued by a panel of two diving experts plus one layperson: comedienne Jo Brand, whose rather random role seemed to be feeling sorry for contestants and marking them over-generously.

Helming proceedings were the chemistry-free duo of Logan and the especially awkward Vernon Kay. Their stilted banter and badly-scripted jokes met with echoey silence. At least Kay was wearing long trousers rather than last year’s Scoutmaster shorts.

Once again, the contestants stretched the definition of "celebrity" to breaking point. Ex-EastEnders actor Ricky Groves suffered what Daley called “a knacker-knocker” in training but bounced back well, despite his naff Hawaiian shorts.

Confusingly, there were two blondes named Gemma. Hollyoaks actress Gemma Merna admitted she was scared of both heights and water, which begged the question of what she was doing in a diving contest.

Full-figured, fake-tanned Gemma Collins from The Only Way Is Essex was the pluckiest character. She was roundly patronised for her big frame, displayed wince-worthy chest bruises from training mishaps and wore something that looked more like a Strictly Come Dancing frock than a swimsuit – yet overcame her fears to perform a decent dive.

By far the standout performer was diminutive Diversity streetdancer Perri Kiely. The dinky daredevil performed a backwards fall from the 10m board and deservedly progressed to the semi-final.

Kiely will be joined by wildlife presenter Michaela Strachan, impressively well-preserved for 47, who edged out Collins in the “splash-off” – which was a relief, as making the likeable Collins dive again would have been cruel. “That’s the best news I’ve had all day,” she grinned when told she’d been eliminated.

Daley himself was the classiest act on show. He recently came out as being in a relationship with a man – his boyfriend Dustin Lance Black was watching from the front row – but judging by the screams that greeted Daley’s every move, this hasn't remotely affected his heart-throb status amongst young females. They would have been disappointed, though, that Daley wore natty knitwear for most of the show, rather than his trademark tiny trunks.

The Olympic bronze medallist might still be a big draw but his show is still a bit of a belly-flop.