New Star Trek ship called ‘Baldy McBaldface’

Plans for J.J. Abrams’ reboot of the Star Trek: Next Generation series have gone awry after an online poll to name the newest ship in the franchise returned “Baldy McBaldface” as the most popular result with approximately 1.2 million votes.

The new reboot, had planned a special guest star appearance from the original Captain Pickard, Patrick Stewart, in the first episode of the series. However, production has now shut down as producers are locked in negotiations over whether they have the power to ignore the results of an internet polls.

Flipside’s attempts to interview Mr Stewart went disastrously wrong, as they ended with him throwing a 3kg copy of the complete works of Shakespeare while shouting “I’m a fucking Shakespearian actor you fucking morons, how dare you make fun of me”.

“This is an absolute disaster” said J. J. Abrams. “We had planned a really cool and fantastic reveal where an elderly Patrick Stewart comes out of the ship in order to give sagely advice to the new Captain Pickard, but ever since the online poll, he refuses to go anywhere near the set. He thinks the internet is somehow mocking him”.

When asked whether this was just a cheap rehash of the ending to his first Star Trek film, Abrams took out a working phaser and shot our reporter.