Ministering Angels

"They neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels in heaven,
which angels are ministering servants, to minister for those what are worthy of a far more,
and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory."

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Why Single Can Equal Fantastic

By Sarita

Clearly, Anonymous and I are on the same page, because I couldn't wait to get home from work today to start a post about the perks of singledom.

Anon spent a week in Paris on a last-minute whim. There were no babysitters to enlist, no spousal work schedules to coordinate, no feelings of guilt to haunt her. (Or him. Or it.)

Today I feel like glorying in my singleness because I'm also going on a spontaneous, marvelous trip. Ok, so the Delaware beach isn't quite on par with Paris, but being able to just pick up and go is really cool.

Other things I love about being single:

Staying up late reading, without anyone knowing how irresponsible I am.

Having a clean room when I feel like it; having a cluttered room when I feel like it.

Not feeling responsible for anyone else's happiness.

Having sole control of my budget.

Indulging in guilt-free spontaneity, like yesterday's splurge on two gorgeous pair of shoes.

The main theme seems to be that being single allows me to be very very selfish when I feel like it. Of course, there are times when I ache for the responsibility of caring for children and husband. There are times when being carefree and ever-flexible is stifling.

But today, I am thrilled to be getting ready for the beach.

Your turn! What do you love about being single? Or miss about being single?

22 Comments

I'm a married man with two little kids. I deeply, deeply miss being able to sleep until noon on a Saturday. Also, the freedom of watching sports as I deem fit. I know I've seen this Sportscenter three times already, but I want to see it AGAIN! Also, listening to my stereo so loud I can't hear myself think. Also, long road trips. That's about it, I think.

First kisses are a good one. I was just relishing in the memory of an old one yesterday. Pathetic I know.

I love the freedom of getting up early and running while everything is quiet and new. I was thinking as I was running yesterday how difficult that would be with children. And that I can actually go back to school as planned and enjoy my great job!

Ditto on the reading thing, and buying ridiculous gold lamay shoes that make me six feet tall and are not congruous with walking at any excellerated speed. Awesome.

At the risk of sounding like Pollyanna, I'm glad that I never had a choice about working. I had to support myself, so I had to do it. And weirdly, I'm one of the few people who actually enjoys my job (I'm lucky, I know), and what's more, when I think about it, I'm flabbergasted by the people it's brought me into contact with and the experiences it's opened up, that I'd never have had otherwise. Favorite example: I was working as a journalist, someone else called in sick, I had to take over his assignment, and ended up having dinner with the prime minister of Canada, just him, me, and a radio reporter. As a politician, he seems to be floundering, but as a dinner companion, he's quite a charmer!

But aside from that, because I know that varies from person to person, one of my friends was recently involved in a very ugly divorce, and another just became a widow, and neither of them has any idea what to do now, or how to earn the money to take care of herself or her children. I'm glad I'm employable. I'm glad that I know I can depend on myself.

Like running to the grocery store to pick up a Friday night pint of ice cream without having to strap three kids into their car seats first. Like being able to eat the Friday night pint of ice cream without having to share it with three kids and their father. ;-)

Hurray, Robin. I think your comment really applies to women more than to men, but it's important. Being single breeds self-sufficiency and self-reliance. Not that I wish a death in the family or a bad marriage and divorce on anyone, but I think it's so important to be able to take care of yourself that way. Some people may never have to, but like you I'm glad I know that I can, and that I've had a chance to stretch those muscles.

I love that I got to go to grad school. It was a mind-opening and mind-altering experience (and I mean that in the best way!) , and like Robin, I met a lot of really cool people from completely different worlds than mine. It took a lot of time and energy and money, and I personally never could have done it, or gotten my loans paid off, if I'd been looking after other people.

What do I Love about being single? The freedom to act on a whim is nice, but the biggest blessing for me is that had my post mission goal of finding someone and getting married within a year of getting home, come true. I probably never would have joined the Military, and would not have had the opportunity for travel that I've had. I've been all over the world (Luckily not to Iraq yet) done incredible things and met incredible people.

I have never actively tried to remain single but being single has allowed me to do many things most married at age 22 Utahns never get to do.

Reading is huge on my list of things that I love indulging as a single person. I also find that I have a lot of time to connect with family members either by email or phone calls. My brother gave me an assortment box of every day cards for my birthday last week. He said that he gave them to me because I am the social butterfly of the family :).

I was single for many years, and I did not like much about it. And the few things I did enjoy were mostly selfish, like not having to let anybody know where I am or when I'm coming back. It was also nice to be able to go to movies and and watch television without having to discuss with anyone my good taste, or lack thereof. And sometimes solitude was nice. It is much harder to find once married.

The one thing I despised most about being single was maintaining perfect celibacy. Now I wouldn't mind it so much, but that is probably only because it is no longer required. There is something about being human that makes us want whatever we cannot have.

I think single people should find joy in being single, but I don't think they should kid themselves. Being well married is much, much better. I feel a deep sorrow for those who remain single through no fault of their own, or who are married and unable to have children. I consider voluntarily remaining single or childless self-destructive behavior similar to drug or alcohol addiction. Such individuals are addicted to being selfish.

John W. Redelfs, Interesting comments. I don't believe either bloggers or commenters here kid themselves about the realities of being single vs. married. The vast majority of singles I know are quite keen on marriage, and if we could wave a magic marital wand and give us all great spouses, we would. Since we're here, though, we might as well enjoy the things that are unique to this kind of life. Like Annette's Friday night pint of ice cream. Mmmm.

I miss sleeping in and having an occasional day off that's *really* a day off.

I miss traveling for reasons other than schlepping the kids to their grandparents.

I loved being single in my mid 20s because it gave me a chance to really come into my own, to figure out who I am and why I am, indeed, so tremendously fabulous. ;-) I felt so confident and alive and new, in a way that I don't (yet) now that I'm trying to figure out this motherhood thing.

I felt that I was ready to get married. So I did, to a returned missionary, in the temple.

I'd finished school. My husband had not. We made a deal. His part was to go to school so that he could get a job that would support a family. My part was to work and bring in money at least until he was through school. So I did.

While I was taking care of our children and holding down a job, he was having an affair. He left when I was pregnant with our youngest. I had no choice but to continue raising my children, alone, and to continue to work full time. So I did.

Would I rather be married? Not to my ex-husband, I assure you. To somebody else? Who knows. I have a life that works remarkably well for me. Is it easy? No, and I dread the crisis that could upset the balance I've achieved. BUT I have rediscovered freedoms and liberties and independence, and I'd even say happiness, and I'm going to be really really careful about jeopardizing that again. You can call me selfish or addicted if you want to (although frankly I think that's uninformed and judgmental) but don't tell me I'm self-destructive. Self-destructive? I've been there, done that, and trust me, it wasn't during my single years.

That was wrenching, whoever you are. As single members of the church, we're all so conditioned to think of marriage as an idyllic state of being. But while nobody ever deliberately goes into a bad marriage, some of them do turn sour. I'm sure it's much better to be happily single than unhappily married -- thanks for the reminder. And hang in there! I don't know who you are, but you're my new hero!

I know that I have remarks on previous threads that sound pretty anti-marriage and anti-children. That is due to my condition that would make me unfit for both unless I had a very kind and patient husband and also someone to help me watch the children as I do not think I would be capable on my own. Well, there are so many eligible people that are not married so I do not think anybody is going to put up with me that I would be interested in. So I do enjoy the nice parts of being single. You get the fun part of spoiling children! I had the opportunity to complete a degree that for me would have been very challenging if I were to juggle that with children. I think my mom had an attitude towards grandchildren that is wise for singles to adopt. She said that people thought she was so sad because she did not have any grandchildren yet-she is almost sixty and her oldest child is 38. She said that she was not going to mourn what was not there. Now that she is a grandma(as of July 5), she is so elated.

Life often gives us a sneak peaks at what we do not have. All of us at times would trade what we currently have for what we think would be better. The reality is that what we have is good, if we take the time to look for the good! When I was single it was great to be alone and find myself. Enjoy all the new experiences that come from finding out who you are. A part of me wanted to share thoes things. So at the right time I looked for someone to share them with. I have been divorced and married and I have seen both sides of that fence. I have to say that nothing beats holding the one you love and watching the kids, hers, mine it doesnt matter as they learn about life. In all the trials of my life being grateful for what I have has been the most rewarding and the hardest to learn. Wherever you are on the road of life, I hope you will stop and enjoy the view! Time has become precious to me and time spent in the past or future often is wasted. My kids are young now and that is where I need to be, in the now! I hope for the future and learn from the past but my heart and love are in the present. Man is that he might have Joy! I hope you all find it in the little things that make your life unique and wonderful.

Right now this is interesting to think about because I've been in a longing for a husband/lover phase. But the truth is, whenever I have gotten out of a long relationship- even with all the sadness, there is a rush of freedom that feels like fresh air. I realize HOW MUCH I had unconciously been figuring his schedule and likes and dislikes into my planning. I think when I am married, I will want a month long vacation by myself every year just to get a fresh perspective again.

Other things I like about being single: I can arrange my room however I want to! I can get up early or stay up late. I can cut my long hair very short. I can spend every holdiday with MY family! :) I can go through phases of being anally clean and crazily messy at my pleasure. I can just quit my job if I decide to. (Hallalujah!) and decide to pursue my real dreams. I can just do whatever the heck I want to whenever I want to. It's fun. :)