Appearing on James Kimmel’s Late Night In-Depth Discussion Programme last week, 20th Century historian and ‘comedy’ ‘actor’* Tim Allen announced the upcoming publication of his new book about 1930s Germany.

Noted historical scholar, Allen, explained that his book details the day-to-day situation for ordinary German movie stars in the 1930s under the rule of Adolf Hitler.

“Not enough had been written on the plight of ordinary German C-list celebrity supporters of the Nazi party.

After the FBI investigation into alleged connections between Russia and the Trump campaign became public knowledge yesterday, the White House responded “Oh look at that little puppy playing on the lawn! Isn’t he gorgeous??”

The significance of potentially myriad links between Trump’s camp and the USA’s main global rival have been dwarfed by other news, including numerous POTUS tweets about hippogriffs, a crayon drawing Sean Spicer made of a racing car, and the announcement that Trump’s son is to become a father later this year.

Alleged corruption at the highest levels is also unimportant this morning, because Ivanka is going to

President Bannon was in residence but agents say he was perfectly safe throughout

A mentally unstable man who climbed over the perimeter fence of the White House was stopped by agents and then taken back inside, the US Secret Service has said.

The septuagenarian, who agents said was babbling “Like the unholy offspring of a Nazi and an orangutang” was discovered with a backpack and a huge tub of wig-weave gel, wandering the grounds and screaming at his shoes.