Author
Topic: The old bait and switch... (Read 6915 times)

I think what really bugged me about this and not make me go is not so much the bait & switch (which, in and of itself would be a turn off) - but it's the way they worded it (if the wording in the OP is what they actually wrote) would have made me see red. "hamburgers and hot dogs and that's it" and bring drinks "because we won't have any here for anyone except for ourselves" - what are they going to do, lock away all of "their" drinks and go to the secret hiding place when they want one?

WOW really - yeah, I would write back "thank you for your KIND invitation, but something has come up"

OP here...

LOL! Are you me? This is exactly what I want to say! And yes...those were their exact words! Pretty pathetic.

oh, I forgot about breakfast the next day since they want people to stay over. hmmmmmmm

Breakfast , coffee , showers , midnight night snacks. Springing "hey can you bring cole slaw for 20 people for the party" might be a mistake/miscommunication and is relatively close to " Come for surprise BBQ and slumber party." Once you say "I am providing only hamburgers. " now I need a tent , sleeping bags , towels , coolers of food (snacks , breakfast. maybe dinner if the BBQ is early enough) and drinks for 14-20 hours , now its an ordeal and not even vaguely close to the invite.

Op here......

Exactly!! It's turning into an ordeal that isn't at all close to the invitation.

I did clarify with cousin too, about the amount of food...she meant that my family of 4 needed to bring one thing...and my parents need to bring 1 thing...and my brother's family of 4 need to bring one thing......and all things should be enough for 20+ people.

It would almost be easier if it was a BYOB, and BYOFood party...and maybe if it was held at a campground? LOL They live out in the country.....and have 4 sleeping areas for guests.....2 bedrooms...downstairs rec room couches and family room couches...they offered my family a room with a double bed....we would bring sleeping bags for the kids to crash on the floor...but the 4 of us would snuggle up in the one room...

If you do want to go, then go. If you don't want to go, then don't. But don't take your family's (possibly) hurt feelings as marching orders. Because unless they have mind control powers, there is nothing that they can do to force you to attend.

Personally I wouldn't attend. I'm not a fan of being voluntold to do things. I'm especially not a fan if the original invitation was that I was a guest and now I'm expected to help host. (bring food to feed all). It would be one thing if you had offered to help with the plans and details, but that doesn't seem like it was the case here.

I would email her with "Sorry, we won't be able to attend after all. Hope you have a great party."

Why? 1. You don't know cousin and uncle that well. 2. The party is 4 hours away, one way. That is an 8-hour round trip at the least. 3. The invitation you were originally given has changed.

If the party had been presented to you as a mini family reunion, lets all chip in on the food for x and y meals, we will do the birthday dinner meal, etc., it would be entirely different. But to have it changed at the last moment, no just no.

Cancel and enjoy the time off with your immediate family. Or cancel your days off and use them later on for something fun.

oh, I forgot about breakfast the next day since they want people to stay over. hmmmmmmm

Breakfast , coffee , showers , midnight night snacks. Springing "hey can you bring cole slaw for 20 people for the party" might be a mistake/miscommunication and is relatively close to " Come for surprise BBQ and slumber party." Once you say "I am providing only hamburgers. " now I need a tent , sleeping bags , towels , coolers of food (snacks , breakfast. maybe dinner if the BBQ is early enough) and drinks for 14-20 hours , now its an ordeal and not even vaguely close to the invite.

Op here......

Exactly!! It's turning into an ordeal that isn't at all close to the invitation.

I did clarify with cousin too, about the amount of food...she meant that my family of 4 needed to bring one thing...and my parents need to bring 1 thing...and my brother's family of 4 need to bring one thing......and all things should be enough for 20+ people.

It would almost be easier if it was a BYOB, and BYOFood party...and maybe if it was held at a campground? LOL They live out in the country.....and have 4 sleeping areas for guests.....2 bedrooms...downstairs rec room couches and family room couches...they offered my family a room with a double bed....we would bring sleeping bags for the kids to crash on the floor...but the 4 of us would snuggle up in the one room...

Well, if they are in fact offering you sleeping space in the house, that is at least more reasonable. I still think this cousin is a terribly disorganized hostess and poor at planning, and it doesn't sound like a party I would enjoy.I think you should stop discussing/negotiating arrangements with the hostess if you are not planning to go. Otherwise, you are getting closer to flipping over into the rude zone yourself. I mean, if you go back and forth and she starts putting effort into reassuring you that you will be as comfortable as possible, if you back out after that, you're not leaving with totally clean hands, iykwim?

...they offered my family a room with a double bed....we would bring sleeping bags for the kids to crash on the floor...but the 4 of us would snuggle up in the one room...

Someone is going to get that room away from you if you go. They will have the sniffles, a bad back, a scared child.....whatever, and expect you to give up your spot that is more comfortable to sleep on the ground.

...they offered my family a room with a double bed....we would bring sleeping bags for the kids to crash on the floor...but the 4 of us would snuggle up in the one room...

Someone is going to get that room away from you if you go. They will have the sniffles, a bad back, a scared child.....whatever, and expect you to give up your spot that is more comfortable to sleep on the ground.

[I've learned from ehell to be a cynic about such things.]

This is what I am thinking. After all you said your parents might be attending....wouldn't you lose out on your room to an 'older relative'? Or your parents may get the bed and the four of you will be on the floor. This no longer sounds like a pleasant experience. If you really want to go and can afford a hotel I would do that option and just visit for the day. And tell the host that bringing anything more than several bags of potato chips on a four hour drive would be too much of a hardship.

Do yourself an enormous favor and send your regrets. I can't see this ending well for anyone.

Especially if someone brings potato salad for 25 and there isn't room in the refrigerator.

POD to everyone above me.

And I wanted to say that (sarcastic tone) I love disorganized events like this because without having people state what they plan to bring to the potluck, what happens is that nearly everyone brings potato salad and bags of chips, and there are no other items. Just 500 potato salad servings and 9 bags of chips.

Do yourself an enormous favor and send your regrets. I can't see this ending well for anyone.

Especially if someone brings potato salad for 25 and there isn't room in the refrigerator.

POD to everyone above me.

And I wanted to say that (sarcastic tone) I love disorganized events like this because without having people state what they plan to bring to the potluck, what happens is that nearly everyone brings potato salad and bags of chips, and there are no other items. Just 500 potato salad servings and 9 bags of chips.

Then grab a loaf of bread and everybody has potato salad and chips sandwiches, then falls into a carb-coma. Sounds like a fantastic party

Do yourself an enormous favor and send your regrets. I can't see this ending well for anyone.

Especially if someone brings potato salad for 25 and there isn't room in the refrigerator.

POD to everyone above me.

And I wanted to say that (sarcastic tone) I love disorganized events like this because without having people state what they plan to bring to the potluck, what happens is that nearly everyone brings potato salad and bags of chips, and there are no other items. Just 500 potato salad servings and 9 bags of chips.