Mitch McConnell Delays Recess for Congressional Babies

WASHINGTON – Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell broke the bad news to the children in Congress yesterday – no recess time until you buckle down and complete your work. He reminded his colleagues that recess is a privilege, not a right.

“Look, I love the jungle gym as much as anybody,” a grim McConnell deadpanned, “But we need to stop playing before we work. Just because that’s how Mr. Obama did things, it doesn’t mean it’s the best way.”

Playground bully, Democrat Chuckie Schumer, wasn’t pleased to hear the news. Schumer said his favorite activity was pushing Republicans down the slide. “They deserve it. Maybe they’d get a little more respect if they’d stop being big meanies, and do things our way.”

Nancy Pelosi was disappointed as well. She likes to sit on the swings and just stare straight ahead for hours. “I really like feeling at one with nature during recess, with my toes and feet in all that pea gravel, rubber mulch, and engineered wood fiber they use on the ground these days.”

Republican lawmakers were sad to hear McConnell’s recess plans too. Some cried. Most tried to keep working on their latest Obamacare repeal draft, using crayons, of course. John McCain was seen eating glue in the corner, contributing nothing to the effort.

Mitch said he’d be spending the next couple of weeks telling members to pull up their big-boy pants and, if they did a good -or even adequate – job, there would still be plenty of recess time for everybody.