I seem to have a slight case of insomnia tonight. It’s sorta odd because I only slept a few hours last night, so I should fall right to sleep. (My husband has a bad cold, so his snoring kept me up all last night. Don’t tell him I told you, though. 😉 He doesn’t usually snore, but he’s all stuffed up right now.) Anyway, this might seem a little ridiculous, but I miss my kitty tonight.

You might remember that I had to put my favorite kitty to sleep earlier this year. It was horrible. I still have three kitties in the house, and one of them is Sam. As you can see, he sleeps on his back with his feet in the air. This isn’t a very good picture, but it’s all I have available at the moment. He reminds me so much of Bria … I’d wonder if he wasn’t really her reincarnated except he was already a kitten when she died. Yesterday, Sam was doing something very Bria like, and I pointed it out like I’d forgotten – just for that moment – that she’s not here anymore. I immediately noticed what I’d said and had to stop and swallow my tears.

My husband told me tonight that he had a similar occurrence the other day. Bria used to sit in between the shower curtains while we showered, and he “felt” her there. It wasn’t until he got out of the shower that he realized she wasn’t there. He had forgotten for a moment, too.

Bria came to us as a stray. I saved her while I was pregnant with my son. The shelter said they’d give her 48 hours before putting her to sleep, so I sorta got a little angry with the shelter and decided to take matters into my own hands. Of course, I do realize now that the shelter was doing the best it could at the time. However, it’s usually a good policy not to tell a hormonal pregnant women that giving up the innocent life she held in her arms would cause certain death. Anyway, I remembered that we guessed Bria was born in early to mid September … I realized she is here after all. Our loved ones come back to us around important dates – like their own birthday. So, now I can’t sleep because I can only think of my kitty … the kitty who I know has recently been here saying “hi” through the similar actions of Sammy and other things like the feeling with the shower curtains. I miss her horribly. I know there are people out there who would tell me she’s just a cat and that I should get over myself, but they should really not bother. I know there are “worse” things to lose; I’ve lost humans, too. I am one of those people who has always been able to recognize at least some of the corporeal guardian angels in my life, and almost all of them have been furry. I’ve had some pain in my life, and cats have always found a way to get close to me. I firmly believe they are a major way my guides and guardians reach out to me, and I will never discount the relationship between a human and their pet.

As I’m sitting here typing on my couch just after midnight with a tear streaming down my cheek, Sammy is lying next to me snoring. He’s a little comforter like Bria was, but I can’t help but remember how she used to cry back at me as if to ask if I’m okay. I swear I can almost hear her now. I don’t know if I will ever not miss my little guardian angel/therapist/best friend. I miss her presence in my life and long for something – never to replace her – but to fill the void. Sammy is trying, bless his little heart, but I miss my little girl. 🙁 Love and Kisses, Bria.

Well, thanks for substituting as my shoulder to cry on for the evening.