Should husbands tell their wives how much they earn?

Some husbands express divergent views on revealing what they earn to their wives with ARUKAINO UMUKORO

A popular online platform posed an interesting question and answer, “If a husband earns N20,000 as monthly salary, while the wife earns N100,000, what is the total amount or money in the house? Answer: N20,000.”

In a study of 1,051 couples in the United States, a group, Fidelity Investments, discovered that 40 per cent of couples got the question wrong when they were asked separately how much their partner earned. It noted that one in 10 misjudged their partner’s income by more than $25,000.

While there are no available statistics in Nigeria on that, some men who spoke to SUNDAY PUNCH differed on whether they would tell their wives about their earnings.

A banker, Mr. Andy Ubong, identified lack of trust between couples as responsible for the lies they tell one another about their earnings.

Ubong, who has been married for 13 years, said, in some situations, husbands are forced to lie to their wives about their actual earnings.

He stated, “They may lie for various reasons, which could include lack of trust or a cheating spouse. But I must also say that when one keeps lying to one’s spouse, one is courting trouble. I have learnt from past experiences. But for very rich couples who seem to have everything and pay all the bills, it may be unnecessary, especially where it seems one party may take advantage of the other. But it’s usually better if both parties discuss and reach an agreement on which situation suits them best.”

A businessman, Mr. Bode Fagade, who has been married for six years, said there was no need for him to tell his wife his monthly earnings because he ‘pays the bills.’

“If a husband knows exactly how much his wife is earning, he may want to shirk his financial responsibilities. I think the key word here is balance. In my case, although I am a businessman, I don’t let my wife know how much I make even though I trust her to be responsible with money. But since I take care of her expenses and that of my children and the home, there is no need for that. But for some men, they don’t trust their wives with their financial details because their wives are spendthrifts or heavy shoppers,” he said.

A communications expert, Mr. Obiora Chidi, noted that some men do not like revealing all their earnings to their wives because of their financial responsibilities.

He said, “Men are expected to be the bread winners of their homes. Thus, they have to be more accountable concerning their income and spending, especially if the income is meagre. But if the husband earns so much and is a ‘big boy,’ his wife doesn’t have to know exactly how much he earns as the bills are paid and other demands are met.

“My wife has always known my earnings. However, I try to keep away information on commissions I receive as I notice that once my wife knows I have extra cash, impromptu demands start arising. But, since we are quite close and open, I often do not keep such information for too long because I cannot make significant purchases without her asking questions,” said Chidi who has been married for five years.

However, it is not only the men that do not think it is necessary to disclose one’s salary to their wives. For 41-year-old mother of two, Ngozi Chima, it depends on how much trust the couple has built over the years.

Chima added, “I have been married for about 10 years but I have never disclosed my actual salary to my husband because he is a typical African man; most of our men like to be bossy and controlling because of their ego. They may feel slighted or inferior if they discover that their wives earn more than they do and may think that the woman would use it against them in the future. So, it is better for the wife to say she earns less than her actual salary because it would make the man feel more important.’’

Nevertheless, a banker, Mrs. Gladys Okon, said husbands and wives should be transparent about their earnings. She said she and her husband of eight years were open about their finances from the beginning.

She said, “It’s not an issue because we have always been open to each other about our finances right from the time we started dating. Married couples should be open to each other about their earnings; after all, they are both running the home.”

A businesswoman, Mrs. Moyo Adewale, said, “I know how much my husband earns and he knows how much I earn monthly, but he does not know about the worth of my quarterly payments, benefits, and so on.”

Adewale noted that this slight adjustment of available facts helps her to save for the rainy day and take care of personal expenses.

“To be honest, I don’t really care about how much he earns as long as the bills get paid. If he is unable to meet obligations (which should not be recurrent), then I can assist. What he earns is up to him. Obviously, it’s wrong to lie. If your spouse asks, tell him or her how much you earn. Both parties should have a fair idea of what each party earns; ‘fair’ being the key word,” she further said.

A marriage counsellor, Mrs. Bose Fawehinmi, said the ideal situation is for couples to be transparent about their finances from the start.

She said doing so would eliminate suspicion among couples and give them peace of mind.

“How much one earns should be communicated and there should be no secrets or hanky-panky,’’ she noted.

She added, “If the woman earns more and she doesn’t want the man to feel threatened, if she decides to be cagey or secretive about her earning, there might be trouble the day the husband finds out the truth because it would look like a betrayal. The woman is simply postponing a problem that may arise in the future as a result. If the man is not secure enough to handle it, that may cause a lot of problems.”

The marriage counsellor also noted that couples would gain more from their relationships if they were open to one another about their income.

She said, “If both are transparent about their finances, they would be able to plan very well, because they both know how much they earn. The wife would not be making undue demands on the husband because she assumes he has N500,000 kept somewhere. If one doesn’t know, then one can assume, and assumption can be faulty.

“Another benefit is that it saves them from habitually lying about their finances and relieves them of unnecessary pressure. When one tells a lie, one has to keep telling more lies to sustain the first lie.’’

For couples who attach a caveat to their marital oath of faithfulness and honesty, especially regarding their incomes, Fawehinmi advised them to be more open to one another.

Noting that husbands play vital role in managing the financial responsibilities in homes, she advised couples to merge their incomes into one that belongs to the entire family.

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