Oh, you guys. Unbelievable. What a roller coaster ride if you’re a Britton fan. Of course we all had no hope that they could sweep the four categories they were nominated in. I will say with zero malice that even for a show like Modern Family, watched by many many more than Friday Night Lights, their four-episode Emmy grab was an outlier.

So we knew. We knew we might not get all four, if any at all. The fact that we got to be here at all was a long time coming and was, as a result, kind of nerve-wracking.

If you’re wondering why I’ve changed into the first person plural:

1) Yes, I overidentify with this show. 2) In other things, I’ve been a bandwagon jumper. In this, I’m one hundred percent a fan from the beginning, and –3) I do feel like ‘we’ have pulled hard for these nominations and hoped for them and knew what they meant. I do feel like they belong to us.

So Britton sits in her seat (and did anyone interview this NOMINEE on the carpet? Anyone?) and waits, knowing she doesn’t have a chance of winning. She can sit beside Chandler, make sarcastic asides, the whole thing. And then Katims’ name is called.

I just watched the clip again. And cried again. I – they were so happy and all together.

But this is where the trouble began for poor Connie. Because she allowed herself to believe. Maybe, for a minute. Just a second – but no. The award went to Margulies.

Which is fine, she’s very very good and deserving and at another time I’d be happy. Because there’s still more to come. There is still the imminent announcement – and win! Of Kyle Chandler.

Which is almost a win for her, as we know. Because all of what he did on that show that was notable was with her, and the joy was not in seeing him on the football field, but in the tender moments afterward when he called and said “we won” and she got that smile and said “Ya’ll did…!” His greatest moments were created with her, could not have existed without her. The show is not lauded because of its portrayal of football, it’s lauded because of its portrayal of a marriage, of a family. And all the words that come along with that – ballet, duet, balance, harmony – belong to him and her equally.

Which everyone knows, because that’s what Chandler said when he won – except for, not really. Not really at all. He didn’t thank her – and when he realized, and went back to do so, the cameras caught her face, all “Well, honey, that’s the way you spent your time, so what are you gonna do?” She wasn’t mad, exactly, but she recognized what had been missed, there. The opportunity.

I’m thrilled for his win. I’m sure Britton is too. But he had the opportunity to make it about her. To vocalize the regret I’m sure he had, that she didn’t get to win as well. To share his with her.

But he didn’t. Things aren’t perfect. Kyle Chandler is not Eric Taylor. This is life.

I’m sure the night was still good for her. I’m sure she met all kinds of adoring fans. From what I could tell from the distractedness of Jon Hamm, I think he was one of them. And she has a new job and is going to be fine.

But I did have a stomachache for her. I did want it to be different for her somehow. I wanted everyone to hear and know what she did for five years, that, in the same way Tami did, held the show together.