National Galleries Buy Tits’n’Ass Picture for £45 million

The Titian painting “Diana and Callisto” has been sold to the National Gallery and the National Galleries of Scotland for £45 million, a new record for a painting of lots of naked women. The galleries are said to be “Excited and thrilled” by having secured the world’s most expensive Jazz Mag for the nation.

“Some would argue that Titian was just being lazy in not bothering to paint clothes on half of the women in the piece” explained one leading art critic with a distinctive voice “But one has only to examine it closely on one’s own for a while to see that this is far superior to last week’s page three in the Sun of Cindy (22). These are fully rounded women, Rubenesque one might say, certainly not those skinny girls that one might find in some of the more popularist top shelf magazines, and it knocks the charms of ‘Readers wives’ into a cocked hat”.

Art lovers will now be beating each other off for a chance to view the painting at the National Gallery in London.

We had already paid the Duke of Sutherland £50m for the sister painting and now the robbing bastard has just trousered a further £45m. Don't suppose he'll miss them although he will, no doubt, have to redecorate his downstairs bog now. You would have thought that with £50m already in the bank to add to his £450m inherited wealth he could have just lent them the other one but no, he obviously needed another wedge. The family gained their wealth and many titles initially from their role in the Highland clearances (and a few well concidered marriages.) I'm sure Scotland will thank them for letting them have a look at the picture.

The first age of consent laws were introduced in Italy around the time of this painting. They were set at 12. Don't get too carried away admiring the soft bellies, small breasts and lack of pubic hair or you may nead to invoke the Pete Townsend defence.