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1st Date vs. 21st Date

By Hallie Cantor

1 hour before the date
1st date: Do a few last-minute crunches so it looks like you have abs.
21st date: Nap.
30 minutes before the date
1st date: Shower, blow-dry and style your hair.
21st date: Wake up from nap, blow your nose on the roll of toilet paper you keep by the bed.
5 minutes before the date
1st date: Put on the one fun, sexy bra you own.
21st date: Put on the comfortable flesh-toned bra you bought with your mom.
image: sexy animal-print bra VS. boring beige bra
at the bar
1st date: Order a beer because you're approachable and down to earth!
21st date: Order a vodka and soda because beer tastes stupid, you're not trying to drink a thousand calories tonight, and hey, if you get too drunk and say dumb stuff you'll both laugh about it tomorrow.
image: beer VS. drink in a rocks glass
first drink
1st date: Tell him your one interesting story.
21st date: Tell him that same story for the 5th time.
second drink
1st date: "Oh that scar? That's from hiking during my semester in Africa."
21st date: "Oh that scar? That's from when I had a wart and the doctor tried to freeze it off but it didn't really work, so it just became, like, a super-wart, and they had to cut out that whole chunk of my hand. Yeah, pretty gross, huh?"
while he's in the bathroom
1st date: Check your email quickly, then frantically text your friends about how it's going.
21st date: Load up some tweets. (Continue reading them even after he gets back to the table.)
image: a text bubble reading "i love him and want to have his babies" VS. a tweet reading "what is up with baby corn? its like, did 2 regular sized corn on the cobs f*ck and this came out? of where? do corncobs have vaginas? do they talk about how a-MAIZE-ing the miracle of life is?"
back at your place
1st date: Run in first so you can shove that box of cookies deeper into the garbage, hide your UTI-preventing cranberry tablets/your secret nose-blowing toilet paper, and poop real quick before he gets there.
21st date: Change your tampon in front of him.
image: dainty garbage can with a visible receipt that says "Your Charity Donation" VS. gross garbage with visible candy wrapper, Midol box, used condom, receipt for "So Much Alcohol".
on the couch
1st date: Flirt more and more aggressively until someone is brave enough to start makin' out.
21st date: Have a full-length pretend conversation consisting of the weirdest noises you can possibly make with your mouths.
sex
1st date: Imitate what you think a normal, attractive person's orgasm would look and sound like.
21st date: Actually enjoy yourself.
when he leaves the next morning
1st date: Stare at Facebook pictures of him because you couldn't stare at him when he was in your room without it being obvious and weird that you were staring, so now is your chance.
21st date: Continue sleeping.
image: girl's eyes staring intently at computer screen (which is blocking the rest of her face) VS. girl's peaceful closed eyes with the rest of her face covered up by blankets/pillow