Campaign Urges Strangers To ‘Fondle My Funbags’

Participants in “Fondle My Funbags” wear t-shirts emblazoned with the title slogan, encouraging other people to give them spontaneous breast exams.

“This all started when I was at the Eclipse nightclub in Harrisburg a couple weeks back,” said founder Suzie Ralston, 24, of New Cumberland. “This drunk guy grabbed my left tit, only to pause and say, ‘Uh oh, I think I feel a lump.’ Sure enough, it turned out I had a tumor. But it was caught early, thanks to that creep’s classless and sex-starved act.”

“The best part is that this removes the stigma from grabbing a total stranger’s tits,” said Schuyler Ralston, Suzie’s husband, who is believed to be the most vocal backer of the campaign. He has also taken preliminary steps toward starting a similar testicular cancer awareness effort for men, entitled “Jostle My Junk.”