Philadelphia MFT

I've read a lot of Facebook posts by parents who are taking extra time this morning to say “I love you” to their kids as they send them off to school. A lot of posts by parents who have a sense of dread today that wasn't there before the school shooting on Friday.It's a normal and understandable reaction in light of what happened and it should be treated as a normal reaction. However, how one reacts to this feeling of anxiety and dread can become a problem. There is uncertainty inherent in everything everyday and we have to understand that. The possibility of something terrible happening hasn't increased because of the school shooting on Friday. Anxiety takes over when we worry about everything or excessively, and it becomes a bigger problem in our lives when we try to plan for these scenarios, which is an impossible undertaking. In fact, it may drive a wedge between you and loved ones – the opposite effect of what you want to happen. A few things to try and limit anxiety from taking over:

Limit media consumption of the aftermath of a tragic event. Remember, early reports are usually inaccurate and changing and it can be hours or more until exact information is released. Watching the memorial and grieving can be helpful, where constant reporting is not.

Take the time you need you to grieve or cry or hold those dear to you a little closer.

Listen to those around you. What are other people feeling?

Do things that you have done before to relax or feel close to those around you.

Take the time to go over emergency contact information with the people around you and set up a contact chain in the event there is a disaster.

If things do begin to feel overwhelming and the events of a tragedy elsewhere begin to spill into and unbalance your life, give the therapists at Philadelphia MFT a call. We are trained in working with clients around anxiety from an individual and a relationship perspective.

On my commute to work this morning, I took a moment to look at the other passengers that were on the subway. There were a few people there with their children, others with friends, and many that were riding alone. But they all had something in common; everyone on the subway was plugged in to their technology. Although I often succumb to the allure of checking e-mail or Twitter on the ride to work, I was astonished by how universal this was. This made me wonder, if people are unable to be on the subway for a few stops without being plugged in, when do they disconnect from their technology? And how is this impacting their relationships? One of the most common complaints we see in couples therapy is a lack of communication. The standard procedure is to teach the couple how to engage with one another in the office, and hope that they practice what they have learned when they are at home. But maybe the first step in therapy should be to assess how much time each partner spends using his or her technology. If the couple is glued to their iPhone’s, opportunities for open communication will be few and far between. So I challenge you to put down your phone, turn off the computer and be available for your partner. If we can cut down on the amount of time we are plugged in, it might open us up to opportunities for real emotional connection.This topic of the week was written by Danielle Adinolfi, MFT