January 26, 2006

The Party's Over, For Me At Least

Are you in your teens, twenties, thirties or even older, still riding
the wave of immoderation that we Americans call "partying"? G_d bless
you, you savage, but know this: respect and observe that "all things
in moderation" rule, choose day-to-day mental stability over that
delicious buzz, or you're liable to end up like me: too old and too
crazy for any kind of substance abuse, period.

You think I'm joking? Despite my flip tone, I'm actually dead
serious. I find myself, just past the crossroads of my forties, unable
to engage in any kind of mind-altering consumption of any type. Sad,
right? Or is this what they call "maturity"? Not that it matters what
my personal philosophical opinions on the situation are, as it's hard
physical realities that have brought me to this sober (and sobering)
state.

The fact that I don't really drink alcohol or coffee anymore separates
me tremendously from my fellow humans. "Have a drink," they say, "it's
legal and everyone's doing it. Besides, one little drink won't hurt.
It'll loosen you up." One little drink, of beer, tequila or champagne
(I hate the moldy, rotten stench of wine, and haven't touched the "hard
stuff" in years) gives me an immediate sour ache in my stomach, and the
next day I'm so depressed that I'm suicidal, ready to hang myself from
the tree in the backyard. So much for booze.

What about coffee? It's fun, it's tasty, gives you that little lift,
and is sold in endless varieties on literally every street corner in
America. One-half cup of non-decaf coffee turns me into the madman
that the media had people convinced Howard Dean was after the 2004 Iowa
Caucuses; a whole cup, and the slightest aberration in my routine can
and does provoke homicidal feelings of anger, spraying death like the
Luftwaffe.

I used to smoke cigarettes, never heavily, but a little bit in high
school, and then off-and-on throughout the 90s. Now, 30 minutes of
exposure to second-hand smoke leaves me with a 24-hour sore throat. If
I forget myself and actually take a drag, a defibrillator may be
required.

"Have a hit of weed; it'll relax you." Yeah, I'll relax, as soon as
you convince me that my wife, my friends, my co-workers and everyone
else in the world are not conspiring against me. (While you're at it,
convince me that we're not going to war with Iran—can you say WWIII?)
Somehow, the gradual onset of adult life, with its looming concerns
like child rearing, full-time work, slowly failing health, world
politics etc., has all but negated the mind-soothing effects of
cannabis for me. Plus, the stuff is so expensive that it ultimately
just becomes another burdensome monthly task and a bill to pay.

Those of you reading this who know me personally know that I had a good
long run at the deep end, and perhaps this fact speaks to my current
state more than anything else. I stare that cold, brittle-boned old
schoolmarm named Sobriety in the face for a brief moment every day, and
neither of us looks away or even blinks.

So where does this leave me, with sobriety not as an option, but as the
only option? For me, it's all about avoiding those harrowing ups and
downs that are part and parcel of the "short-term fix" and the "mild
lift." Every day can be a struggle, whether you're copping a buzz or
not. If I've only my own unaltered mind to deal with, at least I stand
a chance of getting through the day.

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Comments

For me it's about optimizing my life and everyone's life around you, including yours, whatever that takes to do. Some things help, others don't, and at different times in my life, in the year, the day, the moment. It's a balance. Beyond this I would start to sound like a fortune cookie :)

Hi,
Yeah I get similar paranoia from cannabis, so I just gave up on it. Similarly alcohol, I just came to the realization that I didn't like the feeling of being drunk. Nowadays I will have 1 or 2 but really I am usually feeling hungover before I even leave the party. I've noticed that sometimes in a club if you're drinking club soda, after the 2nd or 3rd that bartender stops charging. A good bloody mary with more tabasco than vodka is nice once in while, well until the ice melts and it starts to taste like sawdust.

For the first time the other day I actually went to a party with a 6pack of nonalcoholic beer and a Quart of IBC rootbeer. I was throwing down. The beer was made by Old Milwaukee. I wanted my placebo to be as authentic as possible, and nothing is more authentic than skunk beer, right? I mean you know it is going to be pretty bad, so why not go all the way? I wouldn't expect an NA Guiness would ever come close to the normal, and well, you know it can never be the same.

I felt pretty much like a huge jackass, but I'll probably keep doing this for a while. It helps to have an innate predisposition to insanity and randomness in your mind already. With the arsenal of converging and diverging incohorent states in constant flux within the old noodle, sobriety for some can be as interesting as any effects of them worldly tinctures. Plus, there's always WFMU (they slip you the pill).

I've been sober since Oct. 2005. Ironically, just to keep the voices away.
I had my fun. By the way Republicans are NOT sober people. Mr. Bush is
not sober. So he dosen't drink, it dosen't make him sober. If he were he
would be a lot more compasionate.

I resemble this post. Never been much of a smoker of any type, but I feel my alcohol years are nearing their end. Over the summer, I overindulged on a weekend trip to Pittsburgh and found myself puking behind a car on the street at about Noon the next day. What is cute and funny as a 20year old suddenly seems pretty pathetic when you're 40. So while I haven't QUIT drinking, I've only been drunk once more since then. Last night I met my friends for a drink, and in 3 hours I had one cocktail and one beer.

And coffee. Good God, coffee. There's a coffee store in my hometown of Columbus, OH owned by Jovan K. of Gaunt fame. The coffee is so good, but so strong. The last two times I went there, I didn't sleep for days, followed by the homicidal rage/uncontrolled bitchiness, then followed by a crying jag. Honestly, I'd rather do an 8ball alone than go anywhere near that coffee ever ever again.

You're a great writer. You know you've got to go through hard dark ugly shit before you can even recognize soft bright beautiful flowers, what I’m saying is that you made me laugh twice. The Thing about every one starting to think you're the guy the media was trying to make people beleive Howard Dean was and then "Everyday I look sobriety in the face like an old school marm , and she stares back".... It's funny , but I can hear the Earthy tone.
I'm proud and happy and Impressed at anyone who gets the hell off of anti depressants.Tom Cruise critzised Brooke Sheilds when she hated her baby and then took some anti depressants and then she loved her baby.He told her to do it by way of L. Ron Hubbard!
If you want to study the church of scientology I'll go to those classes with you. It’s the owner's manual for the human mind you know.
No really, serious, I'm proud that you know TM. And I have a suggestion and it does have to do with acquiring a religion.
I'm talking about the sitar man. You should become a sitarist.
I quit caffeine too.But not certainly not beer and tobacco . My pancreas has given me less than ten more years to party and then I'm probably going to be checking my blood with one of those things B.B. King advertises before I can have another beer.
My currant favorite beer is "HOP Wollop". If I'm smart, what I'll do is take care of my self, and not be so endulgent.
We all get high spiritually on our friends and our children and our wives and girlfriends and yes on art, music included .Getting high has nothing to do with something entering the blood stream.But it could, What about tea? I used to take a lot of tea, while others were taking drugs I was taking tea. The Rutles were right tea is the drug. Naturally uncaffinated tea that is! Herbs my dear boy , I'm talking about the herbal teas! Now that's inspiring!

I just don't get how it is that weed makes people so paranoid. Granted, as NORML puts it, is it any fuckin' wonder what with the law the way it is?

Frankly, if you are a parent you are doing the only thing safe for your kid - with the law so idiotic as it is it could result in a kid losing his daddy or mommy, no wonder you get to feeling this way.

I decided long ago three things were going to be irrevokably true about me:

1. I am simply in love with drugs and am never EVER going to get sober, except for the periods of sobriety necessitated to KEEP THE DRUGS WORKING; breakin' that there tolerance barrier's a real pain in the patoot sometimes, but I'd hazard worse problems exist, really.

2. Since this is the case, I am not going to allow myself to be a mother - I never really wanted kids much anyway

3. Also, I forswear ever owning or driving motor vehicles.

Any drug user who does not adhere to these principles, especially in middle age, is, in my humble opinion, irresponsible.

I can't say I've been completely a paragon of responsibility in my life, mind you, but I've also had unusual fortune in it for such a continually drugged personage; maybe karma is rewarding me for not having kids and not driving cars.

PS I am 41. And not one bit less in love with drugs than I was at age 19.