July 31, 2012

Oh, Kwik Sew. How many times do we have to go through this? The purpose of a pattern illustration is to make us want to use your pattern. Not to evoke thoughts of a particularly gruesome CSI episode, Hannibal Lecter or childhood despair:

What woe troubles the little tyke of Kwik Sew 449? Is Mom getting into the rum again? Did Dad kick the puppy? Or are those little footie pajamas just not fitting the way they should?

June 15, 2011

There are a few baffling and downright disturbing things on the pattern envelope for Kwik Sew 1179:

The child in the rabbit towel appears to be engaged in some form of modern interpretative dance. What, you think a rabbit head towel would be too bizarre? Trust me: I was in a modern dance troupe in college, and anything can happen. For one piece, the choreographer instructed us to come to rehearsal with "kneepads, long underwear and a flashlight. The long underwear should be small enough to fit on your head." During one concert, we realized there was a nail sticking up out of the dance floor, so during the pause between pieces another dancer and I crawled onto the stage with a flashlight and a hammer to find it. (Why didn't we just turn on the lights and walk out there? I don't know. Dancers aren't known for logic.) We pounded it in and crawled offstage. The audience broke out in rapturous applause.

What's happened to the child between photo one and two of the cat sleeping bag? Has the sleeping bag digested the child? Or was a vanishing spell involved?

Speaking of which...I'm not a parent, but I imagine that it might be distressing to make your young 'un a sleeping bag that essentially made her look like she was sleeping in a piece of roadkill. A piece of roadkill wearing a vest.

July 21, 2010

October 15, 2009

What were the pattern illustrators at Kwik Sew smoking in the 70s? I'm sorry, but I don't associate women's undergarments in a field with concepts like "fun hobby" and "happy sewing." I associate them with concepts like "crime scene" and "ritual murder."

And no, the pretty flowers don't make it any better.

P.S. It's available over at MOMSPatterns. They're having a sale through October 31 -- just use the code "dressup" to get 15% off.

October 14, 2009

OK. I know that Kwik Sew 345 is supposed to be all childlike and innocent, but it just creeps me out. And yes, since it's from the 60s or 70s the resemblance to the poster for The Silence of the Lambs is completely coincidental, but it's there. Behold:

Kwik Sew:

Silence of the Lambs:

The more I look at the Kwik Sew pattern illustration, the more it creeps me out. What's the boy hiding behind his back, and why is he smiling like that? What's wrong with the girl's fingers? They're just weird. And why does she have that big jelly arm? Does she even have arm bones? Where are the boy's feet?!