If I get a shower invite to someone I’m not that close to and I don’t go, I don’t send a gift.

If I get a shower invite to someone I am close to and cannot go for whatever reason, I mail a gift.

If I go to a wedding, I absolutely give a gift, even if I also bought one for the bridal shower.

I’m not sure how anyone can think it is acceptable to attend two separate events and not buy a gift for each event. A bridal shower and wedding is not the same thing. To attend both and only give one gift is rather distasteful and wrong, in my opinion.

Diamond84: this is where a friend and i got into a “heated discussion” the other day.

one of my best friends (and a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding) got married in a small family ceremony a few weeks ago, and is having a “reception” this coming weekend. i was invited to her bridal shower and couldn’t make it, so mailed a gift, and was talking to my friend casually about how i needed to get my friend a wedding gift to take to the reception this coming weekend, and she was like “what?! 2 gifts? didn’t you send her a gift for her shower?” i was like ummm…that was a seperate event. a wedding gift is a separate gift. we went back and forth on this for a while, and she aluded to a bride who expects this as being gift grabby…i was like well i don’t think she expectsanything, but i know this is the right thing to do. it was a long convo that ended at a stale mate.

i do know not everyone who brought a gift to my shower brought a gift to my wedding, but to each their own. i expected nothing, and was thankful for what was given to us!!! i just want to do the right thing and think i am on the right track 😉

Traditional etiquette = gifts are always voluntary, but anything more than a wedding gift and a modest shower present is unnecessary. Showers are about gifts, so they are among the few times when a gift is obligatory. Your friend is right in saying there is nothing wrong with one combined gift.

Extenuating circumstance aside, the wedding gift tradition is strong enough so that if you don ‘t feel close enough to be inspired to give some kind of a wedding gift, you may want to reevaluate attending.

Gifts should be sent ahead, not brought to the wedding. Guests technically have up to a year to send a gift, but it’s not generally recommended. Thank yous are sent immediately or ASAP.

Recipients are never entitled to a gift, nor should they make any reference to them on their end.

For either, gifts are not required if you do not attend, but optional and nice if you are close.

Liberal, current day Emily Post says gifts are obligatory for both shower and wedding. So almost the same thing.