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This is probably gonna be a tad long, but it is a kinda long and confusing story.
Also I dunno if this is in the right section - I put it here cause it technically does apply to friends etc.

Well I play bass in an upcoming alternative rock band. Ive been in this band for over 3 and a half years and Ive saw so many changes and problems. Line up changes, squabbles within the band and changes in musical direction (used to be a pop punk band, then a metal band haha!). Up until a few weeks ago we were in a good place. We had found the perfect drummer and a great vocalist and we started writing pretty decent songs (mix of Foo Fighters, Paramore and Manchester Orchestra - check them out!) so it was pretty exciting after not doing anything for over a year. Our music also started to get noticed by a lot of people and we started looking into the possibility of recording our debut EP in January sometime. Things were really great. Until ...

Now I dont know if I am overreacting, so please tell me before I do something stupid.

Like every band we had our share of problems. Our lead guitarist, like all lead guitarist Andy (no offence to any guitarists haha) is arrogant, big headed and believes he runs the show and that he is the dictator. He doesnt admit it, but anyone with half a brain can see it. Problems started happening around 4 weeks ago. During one of our practice sessions we were approached by the owner of the studio who asked if we would be interested in doing a charity gig on the 2nd of December. I checked to see if I was working or busy, which I was - I had work from 5-10pm that night. The gig was at 7 so it was obvious I couldnt be there. Our rhythm guitarist, James said that it was really unlikely that he could do it either. So we said we wouldnt be able to do the gig. And that was that.

About 2 weeks ago me and James found out that Andy had gone ahead and booked the gig anyway. Obviously we were confused so we reminded Andy we couldnt do it. He responded by saying that he and Dave (our vocalist) would do it acoustic to make up for the fact we couldnt play full band. Me and James then pointed out that we agreed to do no more gigs until we had recorded our EP and that all of us as a band never agreed to the gig. Chris our drummer sided with us saying that it was pointless and that Andy only wanted to do the gig to show off to his family (the gig was going to be local).

After long talk, me and James both agreed that we wouldnt do the gig now even if we could, out of principle and the fact that if one person isnt there we shouldnt do it (unless we all agreed!!) and that Andy must stop and remember that we are a band, not his solo project. We are a team after all.

So the matter seemed to drop and things were cool again until tonight. I just found out that James has agreed to do the gig. So much for loyalty eh? Now Im in a situation where if I dont do it, Im the bad guy. Andy texted me saying he was trying to get Chris to convince me to do the gig (Chris hasnt even agreed to do the gig either). Convince me? I cant do it cause Im working. Clearly he thinks Im a liar or he just doesnt listen. In my work it is really hard to get shifts covered or swapped, even a month in advance so I didnt even try and on top of that it seemed like the matter is dead in the water.

To please the dictator, I managed to use my charm (charm? pfft) and swapped my shift for a 3-8, which means Ill be able to do the gig. Yup I gave in, but I made it crystal clear I am not happy about it.

Im sick of the band being treated as his solo project and everyone else being undermined. On top of that James basically selling me out. I would never have done that, and if it was anyone else that couldnt do the gig, Id be first to say that it was a no go (unless that person said "yeah, do the gig without me")

Im gonna do the gig, but I think they may have lost their bassist after we record (very selfish, I know.) I cant take it, I feel so disenchanted with the band now.

well, maybe, but maybe not. I mean I see both sides of it. Maybe Andy just wanted to get your band out there more. Or get more time in front of a live audience. But I see where you would get angry about it too (Not that I've ever been in a band). So maybe you can get through this (You might not have to quit). This looks like it was caused by lack of communication. You should try to get everyone together, and talk about how you are a band. And that all things that involve the band should be run by everyone. I have 5 siblings so I know all communication. Just try to get it through his obviously thick skull(tell him no offense) that he isn't in charge.

I can definitely agree that its getting us out there more, I have no problems with that. I love playing gigs, I mean I wish I could do it for the rest of my life, there is nothing more satisfying.

I just hate how its all just came together without any of us being asked if we wanna/could do it. Im not happy about it at all, but technically if I dont do it Im leaving them up shit creek without a paddle. So Im kinda being roped into it. Chris our drummer still hasnt even agreed to do it, he doesnt even wanna do it.

I can see that hes doing it for the good of the band, but I know what hes like. He thinks that hes ultimately the boss.

Second of all, I don't think you're over reacting, he's clearly not being very considerate. I think you should talk to him seriously about it and explain how awkward he's being. If he isn't a complete idiot I'm sure he'll understand, even if he doesn't like it very much.

I don't think you're overreacting - most people would be annoyed if someone booked a gig when two people probably couldn't do and when you agreed not to do anymore gigs. Like you said, you're a team - not Andy's solo project, so he should treat the band as a group of people who work together and make group decisions, instead of making decisions for everybody else without informing them. Have you told about how you feel about this whole thing and how he is annoying you with his arrogance? Maybe you should speak to him and see if he listens. And I understand how you would feel betrayed by James agreeing to do the gig after what he said to you.

Maybe you should have a think about how the band is working and your possition in the band. Think about it carefully to decide whether staying would be better for you. Maybe you're just annoyed and you've just temporarily lost your passion for this band for a while? This is why you should sleep on it. But if you find that, after a while, your heart still isn't in it, there's no point staying in the band. Do you think you'd be able to start your own band? You should think about that, and all you possible options.

Just think about it for a while, and maybe talk a bit to some of your band members if you feel you can. Good luck with what you choose, and good luck with the gig.

Thanks for the reply ThatPsycho! You pretty much nailed it on the head To be honest haha! I will sleep on it and see how I feel. Next band practice is on Thursday so I may bring it up then, though Id rather speak to him alone with no distractions.

I love the band, I love the music we make, so hopefully I regain some passion in the next few days. Who knows, the gig might be fucking awesome! Im still pissed at James more than anything in a way, I just wanna say something to him about how hes fucked me over (its not the worst thing he could do mind you).

As for what you said about another band? Chris has already scoped me out to 2 guys that were in a pretty huge band here in Glasgow to play bass for their new project that would include me and Chris. Thats an issue for another day, but I definitely have options

@TheCitizenErased- You're welcome! By the way, I also love your username and Muse.

Haha, that's good. I think it's better to speak privately. I understand how you feel, and I hope things become clearer soon. Yeah, it could be - I hope you have a great time at the gig. And I understand how you feel about what James has done - yeah, it isn't the worst thing, but it would piss me off. Maybe speak to him about how you feel too, if you feel you'll be able to. That sounds cool, but yeah - you just should take some time to consider all your options.