Aided by my learned commentators, the Bloated Plutocrat and the Bleeding Heart, Your Genteel Moderator will examine news of corporate communications, lobbying, and public affairs. Are economic interests acting reasonably, properly, and effectively to influence policy and punditry or, is business leadership unwilling to pursue gain through compromise and, instead, bent on acting improperly to impose undue, ill-advised, or laughingly poor influence on government and media?

Richard Reavey

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...has extensive international experience as a corporate communicator, lobbyist, and public affairs professional. On five continents and in countries as diverse as Norway, Ethiopia, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Canada and Chile, among others, he has engaged government officials from the municipal level through Head of State and all types of media.
A graduate of the School of Foreign Service at Georgetown University he also holds a Masters in Arab Studies from Georgetown. He is currently a corporate communications and public affairs consultant, and sometime author.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Where's Mine?

Your Genteel Moderator feels that he should reward his loyal readers. Consequently, below you will find a document that should help all of you to claim a share of the proposed $700 billion “bail-out” plan proposed by the President last Friday and currently under debate in Congress. The Bloated Plutocrat and the Bleeding Heart are unfortunately unable to comment this week as they are busy working on their own plans…

Strategic Plan for MyCo Inclusion in Government Bail-Out of Financial Industry

Background:On Friday, September 19, 2008, the President and Treasury Secretary Paulson announced that they would seek Congressional approval for a $700 billion + bail-out of troubled US financial institutions suffering from the home mortgage crisis and related financial woes. It is as yet unclear what criteria will be used to define “troubled financial institutions” eligible for bail-out.

Objective:Ensure that MyCo benefits from the bail-out and receives substantial sums of cash from the federal government. The specific monetary objective is four times 2007 earnings.

Strategy:1. Develop evidentiary support for claim that MyCo has been damaged by the credit crisis and is at risk of bankruptcy;a. Exchange outstanding bad debt for defaulted mortgages to ensure consideration as bail-out candidate;b. Hire large number of employees (target: 25,000) and back-date employment to 2007 to ensure their employment status factors into evaluation criteria;c. Do not pay employees and claim this is because of credit crisis and not the company’s fault.d. Indentify and fire middle management scapegoat for “mismanagement” of funds;e. Use employee pension fund to buy stock in financial institutions likely to be bailed-out showing MyCo is clearly inter-linked to troubled financial institutions;

4. Provide form letters/e-mails to MyCo employees to contact relevant Congressional Representatives and Senators urging action on their behalf;

Issues for Consideration:Although MyCo has no current exposure to defaulted mortgages or any of the major financial institutions filing for, or at risk of, bankruptcy, the actions listed under Step 1 above should ensure that MyCo is able to show need by the time any legislation is approved by Congress;

MyCo’s track-record of consistent profit over its lifespan was originally considered a possible hurdle to consideration for bail-out, but review of companies already named as likely bail-out candidates suggest that this is immaterial;

Senior management bonuses may be negatively affected by such a bail-out and the potential for increased government oversight in the future, therefore back-dating mid-year bonuses at a higher than average rate should be considered;

In relation to above, it is possible that MyCo senior executives may at some future date be required to explain what it is they do to merit such large salaries and bonuses. At this time, we have been unable to elicit any comprehensible responses from MyCo senior management.

“My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.” - Fran Lebowitz