Barack Obama Denied Security Clearance By White House

Citing his ties to former radical William Ayers, activist preacher Jeremiah Wright and Republican Party traitor Colin Powell, the security staff of Lame (duck) President George W. Bush have refused to grant President Elect Barack Obama the necessary clearance to review vital national security documents, threat assessments and an inventory of the White House silverware. Instead, Administration officials will play Pictionary and charades with the future President, leaving him to guess at the answers; however, due to the same security concerns, they also plan to neither confirm nor deny the new Commander in Chief’s answers if they are correct.

Unnamed Bush Administration Transition Facilitator Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “I gotta admit, I was a little surprised to find out that the incoming President of the United States wasn’t allowed to view the same information that Scooter Libby was, but the thinking is that a leaky Republican is still more trustworthy than a tight lipped Democrat any day.”

Yesterday was the traditional meeting of the out-going ( not outgoing like, really easy to get along with, but out-going like, going out) President and the in-coming (not incoming like, say, a patriot missile, but in-coming like, coming in) President-elect, and while the meeting started out cordially, with Mr. Bush greeting Mr. Obama at the door to the White House and saying, “Hey! Ya wanna see my room?” and trotting down the hall to the Oval Office, or the ‘Round Room’ as he calls it, with Senator Obama trailing somewhat bemusedly after him, things devolved from there.

Senator Obama had arrived armed with an extensive list of economic, diplomatic and domestic issue questions. Unfortunately, due to the lack of clearance issue, aides say Mr. Bush just sat behind his desk with his hands over his ears, going “Nahnahnahnahnah” and kicking his feet back and forth, refusing to even listen to Mr. Obama talk.

Continuing to speak on the condition that he’ll back door any information the new Administration needs if only Mr. Obama allows him to stay on as Unnamed Source, Waterhouse continued, “I don’t think we’ve ever run into this situation before. Of course, while they had the proper clearances, no one ever told Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton anything either, but that was just spite, not National Security. Still, it probably won’t be much of a problem; after all, the fuck ups are so big, so vast, that it’s all pretty much out in the open already and no one has to tell Obama anything. Plus, we leaked so much over the last eight years that you can find out just about any Top Secret stuff you need to know by reading the Huffington Post.”

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