I would assume because it’s the middle of the week. After today, it’s all down hill? Over the hump of the middle of the week?

I don’t like to refer to it as “hump day” because I admit I then think of things like “dry hump” and Wednesday suddenly seems all awkward and gawky like two teenagers making out in the back of a old cabriolet. But I digress …

This week is much of the same status quo of lately. Busy, tiring, feeling like I’m doing an awful lot, but not really accomplishing much of everything. Sort of like trying to back your car up an icy road … you can press the gas down as hard as you want, but you’re still not going anywhere.

This brings to mind a conversation I had with my sister the other night as we made dinner. She was making this really good black bean salsa from a recipe her friend gave her. And I had some avocados so I made some guacamole to eat with her salsa. But I also started washing the dishes as I went which I labeled “multitasking”. And she told me she doesn’t like to multitask because she gets too distracted from doing the one thing she needs to do, so she just does one thing and does it well.

And while I did finish the guacamole (because I wanted to eat it!), I only got halfway through the dishes and realized that maybe my need to multitask is not very good for me. I couldn’t even complete a simple task like washing dishes. Although in fairness, there was a lot of dishes.

This same vein of thinking came up this week in an e-mail conversation with my boyfriend about being frustrated sometimes as a utility player on our rugby team. Through a different conversation I realized that last fall, I played 14 of the 15 positions on the field.

And he asked me what position I really wanted to play and that I should just tell my coach that position, so I could concentrate on it. And I realized that I don’t know. And I said:

“I think I have become so average at everything, that I’m no longer good at any one thing.”

And then I realized that this statement is my current Truth in everything. I’m juggling so many things at once and trying to keep them all up in the air, but I’m not actually juggling any one of them very well with good form or rhythm or whatever the hell it is that helps you juggle.

I have, through my own actions, become a multitasker who isn’t very good at any one task in every aspect of my life. Personal life, work life, family life, financial life, rugby life, social life. And my mind is constantly reeling and adding new things to the collection of things to juggle.

Realizing a Truth is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because knowledge is power … I now know what the challenge is. And a curse, because obviously this is not working for me but how do you fix something that isn’t working if what isn’t working is you?

See my dilemma here folks.

For instance, right now our team is trying to get organized for spring and for our challenge match. But now it seems like we have to pull teeth to just get people to commit. It’s very frustrating when there is the talk of commitment, but not the walk. Even for the simplest of things. And it’s very tiring to be the person reminding, asking, begging everyone to walk. Because how am I supposed to do my walking to?

I’m not trying to whine. But wouldn’t it be fantastically great if everyone who said they would do something actually did it? And were happy to do it? And then you could sit down, relax and have a damn beer because you no longer knew what it felt like to be constantly stressed out. And because the sum of all of us really is greater than our individual parts. You know, kind of like a rugby team.

I’m going to be perfectly honest and say that I have always appreciated the work that you do for the team at events and that when you had time in between band (which has clearly been your first priority in my opinion) and school, that you were committed to rugby.

That said, I still stand by my opinions that your anger was misplaced and unnecessary over the past few weeks. You have used me as a sounding board for a lot of your opinions on the team over the three years we have played together and I believe I have always taken the time to stop, listen to you, discuss things over with you and work to resolve the issues if needed.

And even when you wrote to – in my opinion – criticize me for how I handled the challenge match when you hadn’t been involved in any of the weeks-long process and didn’t know anything about the overall situation, I still didn’t get angry with you.

But your continued e-mails to our President and then to our President, me and our coach about cancelling the meeting were angry and they were mean-spirited. And that for me, crosses a line. And I told you this. And you said a big fuck you to the team and quit. So that crosses another line for me.

I will not tolerate unnecessary anger when we just need a good calm discussion. I won’t tolerate telling someone that they suck or shouldn’t be an officer when they are trying to do their best. I won’t tolerate temper tantrums. I also won’t tolerate calls to our teammate or any other member of our team during an event asking if I’m around because you would prefer to stay angry and sulk rather than just suck it up and have a discussion in person.

If you are so committed to the team Quitter, then get your ass back on the e-mail list, learn to offer feedback like an adult through polite discussion, working to solve issues like making a better system for event cancellations or team updates and be a part of this team, just like a lot of the rest seem to be able to handle without anger.

Much like I am tired of trying to get other less committed people to be further committed, I am tired of dealing with your criticisms, angry outbursts and quitting the team (b/c this is the second time you have done while I have been an officer).

If you want to be on this team, then be on it and be an adult about it and be our teammate. If you want to stay angry and sulk like a child, feel free but not on our team. And not on my blog.

– Blondie

(Note: This was originally my e-mail directly to her after I saw the blog comment. But I felt it was necessary to post it here as well.)