how can i tell if my boyfriend is bi? And on the down low....

19 replies

mistylidster123

about 2 years ago

well...its a bunch of little things that have added up over the past year. I guess what set this line of thinking in motion was when we first met, he admitted to receiving a BJ from his then and to present day (except the friend has since passed away) best friend. Well, I have a gut instinct that it was NOT a one night thing and that my current boyfriend has been spicing things up quite a bit with variety. He has many male friends. Sometimes they whisper and think that I dont hear them. His body language alone toward males is face to face, eye contact, engaged, and with woman, you can barely get him to look at you. I dont know if i am over analyzing or if im hitting on something with my gut. I cannot deny having weird feelings toward some of his friends and those are the ones he disappears with. Ojease

ModeratorErika

about 2 years ago

If you are having these feeling then they are valid. Straight men don't just receive oral sex from other men. A large majority of men who are heterosexual can even imagine standing to close to another man let alone whispering in his ear?!?!? Seriously mistylidster123...communication is predominately body language and not spoken words.

No to be a Debbie Downer, but there are just too many red flags for my taste. There is no way to tell per say other then your boyfriend coming right out and saying it or being caught receiving sexual favors for other men. A good friend of mine said this is how to tell if you are gay (male or female). If the same sex person as you are does something to you in order to make you climax....YOU ARE EITHER BI OR GAY. Period!

If you are okay with him sometimes hooking up with guys then stay...cause it will happen again. If not then you have to be with someone who is into pleasing women only. Hope this helps and good luck.

enolac

Ammy Gordon

about 2 years ago

Pray first! When and if you have doubts, continue to investigate them as you have done but reread what you have wrote and think, you have given yourself proof already that he is what you say he is. Please walk away and don't try and wait for "sight evidence" to prove to yourself that he is this.

Sociologist

about 2 years ago

For some people, coming out is difficult. If you ask him if hes gay and he says no, then what? More than likely you will still have doubts and that is one thing that will damage your relationship. Your best bet, imo, is to gently break off the intimate part of your relationship asap. If he is experimenting, you could be in danger of contracting a number of stds if the two of you arent practicing safe sex. Its always good to listen to your gut as its often correct. Best of luck with a very difficult situation.

Dave 772218

about 2 years ago

There are two very important thing I table quickly with any sexual friend I entertain. Discretion and hygiene are an important part of any relationship. Hygiene in the form of STD's. If your partner is gay there are many things that are transferred in that group that you want no part of. Life threatening and altering if your young. If he is entertaining a bisexual relationship its not EVER going to change. Having been prior military and older, you are not going to see ANY guy get that close to another guy. Your gut has already notified you of the problem your encountering. Nicely say goodbye. Good luck.

jigsawinc

about 2 years ago

It sounds like he was trying to tell you when he confessed to the oral with his friend.. He may be tired of keeping the secret but is afraid to fully admit to himself and others that he is gay. I agree with the others.. our gut feelings are ususally right.... IF you just have to know or want to, you can talk with him... I can't begin to know what to advise you to say....otherwise you may want to gently break it off and move on... Best wishes.

Etheria

MumKat

about 2 years ago

Hello, why don't you sit down with him and talk with him, just ask him if he is interested in other men. BUT let him know that you have nothing against that preferance (if you don't). Some men are afraid to tell people, but once the person finds out than it becomes easier to discuss. Ask him what he wants in life and that you support his decision. He probably doesn't want to feel like an outcast because he loves you, offer support. If he says that he isn't bi then just discuss that you had a feeling that he was and you don't mean to embarrass him in any way but you needed to talk with him. Let him know you love him either way, even if it means that you must separate the relaionship and let him go with another man. People don't choose to have certain preferances and will need lots of support to feel accepted.

messanger

mistylidster123

omgwtf

about 1 year ago

My boyfriend cheyenne told me the same thing he is 27 now but he told me when he was 16 he recieved oral sex from his gay co worker he said the guy only did it for 2 seconds and cheyenne did not like it so he told him to stop.then i just fount out that he dressed in drag with his friend also iv been with my boyfriend almost 4 years and we have a eleven month old son together . My boy friend claims to only like females and he is very masculant he likes to listen to recon ball by miley cyrus and royals by lords he also hates it when people talk about gay people in a bad way he judges other guys looks and also hangs out with alot of guys some times when we are around his gy friends he ignors me and only pays attintion to them i really do not know what to do either because i am in love with this man and i dont want to lose him to a man . we have a familey together and he is the only person i want to be with the rest of my life im so scared .

sas70001

7 months ago

Wow! Same things here i been w my b,f gfor 11 years we have 3 boys and one on the way! I know when he was yoinger he was taken advantage of by his moms gay friend but i also know that while in jail and out as a kid he did tjings with friends! Recently he started a job where its commission based so i neva know of or when hes really working and the last few helpers hes had ot seems he befriends them where as prior about3 years prior he neva gave his his number to co workers he left work work n never associated w them outside work! Now he works late, wont amswer his phone, always has to call ,e back the friend or co worker called 5 times one saturday a,m he refusef to answer it! I got in his phone and him and the guy were talkig about look at that girl n he saodohh i seen white girl can get that he asked em? He comes home w womens phtos in his phone of there *** from like standing in lines or them runni!g or whateva ! Lately!sex seems like he dont like a eomans parts n others at seems he has a new found love w it, he always has to be on his phone away from me prior to having sex w me ! Im not an ugly girl im think hve a big butt can have and have had some really hot men prior n no issue finding a man! So i just dont understand! He even wrnt as far as stealing a key to an apt that was vacant his boss owned and why did u have to do that? The apt is next to our so u can hear if they walk , all of a sudden ud hear someone leave or get up n walk out the top, he dont get home till 11pm at times saying hes working who does electrical work at 11 pm in peoples houses, recently he just cokd turkey stopped having sex w me!no interest at all i noticed he cones home from work wont take a shower for like a week r 2 but he dont stink he smells good! Wont help w the kids or househomd things ! He dont want!me!working so he makes all tbe mo!ey n keeps it for himself!i hardly get n e thing i need much less want
Im so lost! Im so hurt he comes in and says his first job isnt till1 pm n he left at 7am fpr work in a rush but acted noone knew that the job was for that time but has an i pad that tells him! Then suddenly comes up w a job n him n the helper are off to it!
N the helpers been in prison for like 8 years too ! Idk anything would help i try to ask me things n he gets so hostile if i keep pressuring em tbat he will beat me , i need advise my mom died re ently n hes really all i got well thought i had! Any advice is helpful am i tripping or is tjere real signs here i mean one prior helper was a childhood friend n id call em hes was always in a "tight space " or attic andcouldnt talk! I cant say nothing bad about his co wotkers either at all, n god forbid his boss try to seperate them n make the helper work w someo!e else he will threatin to quit n the boss caters to him its like hes scared of em or something he even lies for him to me!n wont tell me **** going on, he lies about money , got a safe at the bank never told me!nothing about it
Anyone have so!e real advice ? He says im nuts n i need help! I dont think so!

ashlybck87

6 months ago

I am so sorry youre going through that. Trust your gut. Ive taken my denial to a whole knew level. I have seen my bf text a half naked picture to a random stranger commenting on the guys body in a sexual way. I've also seen texts to a friend of his that mention sex toys yet i still choose to believe his lies because from what he says, "all guys talk like that" He was arrested 3 days ago and lucky for me ive got full control of his cell. Ive already seen a craigslist email he sent asking a guy if he wanted to watch a "movie" i heard my bf was on the down low when i met him and as we got close i brought it up. I told him that it doesnt bother me if hes atracted to men and women all i ask for is honesty and faithfullness. He refuses to this day to have ever touched any man. Hes very macho and accusses me of cheating almost everyday yet he expresses how madley in love with me he is. He also offered for us to move away to improve our relationship but he wont go more than 3 hours from home. Ive confronted him several times and he refuses to say anything close to what i think is true. Every single one of his close friends are gay. All of them will neither confirm or deny anything. And while hes been in jail ive talked to a few of them about it because i feel so lost and hopeless. My bf has a bad temper and is very jealous and controlling. It infuriates me to think about how mean he has been to me. He could be facing 10years in jail and im not waitibg around to be dumped for a man. But my heart is breaking. To me he was the one, he would bring me flowers at least once a week and the sex used to be mind blowing. Now its vanilla and frustrating. He only watches straight porn but its usually anal play. I can see how much pain hes in and i try so hard to let him come out and express who he really is but he wont. i wish he could be happy. well now today is my birthday and im sitting alone wondering how someone i loved and trusted so much could do this. I was in denial. I hope i can be strong.

iiTs mEaH

4 months ago

Ok so have questions and concerns about my bf of 4 1/2 years He already had three kids before I met him. First thing that made me wonder was he ex kept leaving messages on his phone after he left her calling him gay & ******. I had just met him so I'm thinking shes just angry. Then I noticed that he likes his clothes to "fit" but keep in mind he is 32 and mature, but he takes a little bit more pride in how things fit and look. Ok a year has passed and I noticed that he is very devoted to his male friends. He wld literally jump to their phone calls and they would mks sure we wldnt go without anything. Ok so I'm thinking he has loyal friends. This one particular friend he still to this day will break his back for. A lot of his friends he's known for several years. Ok year three me being me I got angry that he clearly puts this other friend before me so I may have been wrong but when I brought it up he got mad too mad so I called him a *** and said " u treat dudes better than me! Is that what u want...d*ck!!" Like I said mean but I was serious. His reply : " He does a lot for us and that's been my friend for years! " . It wasn't until further arguments that he wld say " are u crazy I love women". This whole time up to this day he hates gays and anything related to men on men. Ok year four, we have been living together for two yrs now, after all these things the most embarrassing thing happened. He went with this friend (for way too long) and came back to tell me that his friends gf was mad that they were obviously together too long too often calling him gay. I thought instantly : " oh hailll no! I wont date a homosexual." As far as this friend goes idk, but I'm a very observant person an started to notice that my wen around me & him he wld purposely avoid eye and physical wt him. Ok present time: I saw on the netflix "watched" section was clearly TWO gay movies he watched. I watch tv on my tablet - not my actual Tv. So I was ******, hurt, confused, and even curious as to why wld he watch not one but two gay realted movies in a row. So me being me I said something not about the movies (I'm still shocked) but about gays and he replied: "what you tryna say?" . I laughed quietly in my head because it was so not convincing. While all of this going on: he crosses his legs like me, he makes sure his face is well groomed at all times, his voice is naturally "not deep" but not a whiney sound either, and wen he lays on his side he puts his hands between his legs. Enough said right but he rough all at the same time. I wld never date a feminine man so I'm thinking he has gotten a little to comfortable with me or I'm just over doing doing it, I do tend to over think things. Somebody, anybody! !! Feedback! !! (I'm a goofy person, but I'm seriously concerned abut stds, I'm still very young and I never had anything in my life ive never even been pregnant!

iiTs mEaH

4 months ago

Ok so have questions and concerns about my bf of 4 1/2 years He already had three kids before I met him. First thing that made me wonder was he ex kept leaving messages on his phone after he left her calling him gay & ******. I had just met him so I'm thinking shes just angry. Then I noticed that he likes his clothes to "fit" but keep in mind he is 32 and mature, but he takes a little bit more pride in how things fit and look. Ok a year has passed and I noticed that he is very devoted to his male friends. He wld literally jump to their phone calls and they would mks sure we wldnt go without anything. Ok so I'm thinking he has loyal friends. This one particular friend he still to this day will break his back for. A lot of his friends he's known for several years. Ok year three me being me I got angry that he clearly puts this other friend before me so I may have been wrong but when I brought it up he got mad too mad so I called him a *** and said " u treat dudes better than me! Is that what u want...d*ck!!" Like I said mean but I was serious. His reply : " He does a lot for us and that's been my friend for years! " . It wasn't until further arguments that he wld say " are u crazy I love women". This whole time up to this day he hates gays and anything related to men on men. Ok year four, we have been living together for two yrs now, after all these things the most embarrassing thing happened. He went with this friend (for way too long) and came back to tell me that his friends gf was mad that they were obviously together too long too often calling him gay. I thought instantly : " oh hailll no! I wont date a homosexual." As far as this friend goes idk, but I'm a very observant person an started to notice that my wen around me & him he wld purposely avoid eye and physical wt him. Ok present time: I saw on the netflix "watched" section was clearly TWO gay movies he watched. I watch tv on my tablet - not my actual Tv. So I was ******, hurt, confused, and even curious as to why wld he watch not one but two gay realted movies in a row. So me being me I said something not about the movies (I'm still shocked) but about gays and he replied: "what you tryna say?" . I laughed quietly in my head because it was so not convincing. While all of this going on: he crosses his legs like me, he makes sure his face is well groomed at all times, his voice is naturally "not deep" but not a whiney sound either, and wen he lays on his side he puts his hands between his legs. Enough said right but he rough all at the same time. I wld never date a feminine man so I'm thinking he has gotten a little to comfortable with me or I'm just over doing doing it, I do tend to over think things. Somebody, anybody! !! Feedback! !! (I'm a goofy person, but I'm seriously concerned abut stds, I'm still very young and I never had anything in my life ive never even been pregnant!by:undefined

Popular Tags

We're Beauty, Evolved

Beautiful is a feeling. It’s presence of mind, a strong body, a glow from the inside out. It's being comfortable in your own skin. It's a lifestyle. Our mission is to make beauty your lifestyle, through quizzes, articles and personalized advice backed by science. We know you're busy, so no fluff. Just cutting edge, well-researched info to help you be healthy, harmonious and beautiful.