Super Friends Season 2, Episode 7, Storyline C – “Will Earth Collide”

Short Synopsis: “Lost in the remoteness of the vast Atlantic Ocean, sits a most unusual island. For this is an artificial floating island, the secret laboratory of professor Firo, who is about to become the most dangerous man on earth.” – Narrator

Professor Firo (who is obviously voiced by the same guy who does Batman, so it’s weird) is communicating with a green alien named Cleezor.

Cleezor asks if he has “completed the gyro magneto according to the plans I teleported to to Earth?” Wow, even intergalactic conspiratorial meetings are boring.

“Nobody here could have invented such an awesome device,” Professor Firo manages to mumble while his lips are on Cleezor’s ass. “Far easier for us than finding the one man on Earth who would betray his home planet,” retorts my new favorite Super Friends character, Cleezor.

Alright, so then they put Cleezor’s plan into motion:

After activating the gravitational gyro magnetos, the narrator sums it up:

“The gravitational waves travel into deep space, to wrrrrench a dead planet out of it’s orbit, aaaand, into a collision course with earth!”

This planet seems really close, and the scientists admit that it’s a planet they didn’t previously know about. WTF, scientists?

Cleezor’s end game is to replace his planet with Earth’s place in the solar system. He’s a magnificent seat stealer.

The Super Friends are alerted, and then all sorts of bullshit starts happening.

Like, this kind of bullshit.

“New York is flooding!” Ok, that makes sense I guess.

“There’s snow all over Hawaii!” Um, ok.

“Frozen Siberia’s turned into a steaming jungle!”

So multitudes of tropical trees sprouted up out of nowhere? I know, I know. This is Super Friends, a man that talks to fish is one of the most important people on the planet, but sometimes, even in my deadened state, this crap stands out.

On the other hand, I did think – “ok, so Superman goes out and punches the dead planet and everything is fine.” And, Superman DID exclaim – “this is a job for me, and an easy one at that!” So, we’re even?

Not so fast, Superman

Cleezor say’s he’s “prepared a little surprise” for Superman. Cleezor, you’re the best! The runaway planet – TWIST – is made of solid Kryptonite. Ok, that doesn’t make any sense at all, but since it’s Cleezor I’ll let it slide.

So, Wonder Woman has to go save Superman’s ass again.

Super Friends – STOP IT. JUST STOP IT.

How do the Super Friends figure out Professor Firo is behind all of this? They press a damn button at headquarters, which spits out three scientists with the equipment to pull a planet out of orbit.

Then, out spits what looks like a receipt, but Batman explains – “according to this character analysis, the only one of the three who could commit such an evil act is Professor Firo!”

Anyway, these bozos split up to try and find Firo. The Wonder Twins are told to stay at Headquarters to monitor incoming information, but we all know they’ll end up out and about being the stupid Wonder Twins.

And then…

I kind of lost track and wasn’t paying attention, mainly because I was distracted by Wonder Woman’s hair.

It really had a life of it’s own, and it’s like half the size of her body!

Anyway, somehow WW and Batman end up with Firo’s notes, and are on the way to stick them in their magic-as-hell Headquarters computer to “translate” them, which will reveal the location of the floating island.

So, Cleezor, ever ready with a solution – he’s such a good leader – teleports an “energy creature” to Firo to use against the Super Friends. “He can materialize and de-materialize anywhere you wish, at your command.” – LL Cool C

The Energy Monster then burns out the Super Friends’ computer room so it can’t calculate where Firo’s floating laboratory is. Then, when they all run into to see what happens, the Energy monster locks them in and welds the door closed. It was pretty awesome.

So then the Wonder Twins are stuck outside the room with the monster. They put Firo’s notes into an impenetrable box that’s bolted to the floor and the Energy Monster is all, “it ain’t no thing, I’ll be taking this with me.”

Then, he stomps around in Zan. It was gloriously humiliating.

Now we reach the point in the story where I really stop caring.

The Super Friends get out because Batman happened to have his bat torch on him. Wonder Woman then tries to chase down the Energy Monster.

Can I say, this story has gone from trying to stop a planet’s collision with earth to mainly a cat and mouse chase over some handwritten notes. I’m not really saying it matters, I just want them to know that I know.

Wonder Woman saves the notes, the Energy Monster falls into the ocean and dies.

And then…

The Super Friends finally make it to the laboratory. Professor Firo presents them with not one, not two, but FIVE energy creatures! They’re like a boy band (I’m naming them EnRG).

Y’all, Wonder Woman did pretty much all the heavy lifting in this episode. Here she is, containing the monsters while the boys literally loiter and watch.

They stand outside this woman’s work.

And here she is, stopping Firo’s escape rocket because Superman is too weak from the Kryptonite.

Then, here she is after punching through the wall to get the power core, then running up a mountain to hurl it into space and change the course of the kryptonite planet.

Then, here she is, giving the lecture at the end.

This is a Wonder Woman who wouldn’t be caught dead teaching magic tricks.

In Conclusion

I have to say, even though he failed, Professor Firo sure accomplished a lot for someone who seems to have drawn his own eyeballs on with a permanent marker.

And Cleezor, you’re the best. Best of luck to you in the future.

P.P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.

At first, I thought Cleezor was referring to a “gyno” magneto. This would explain why I was so disturbed when I read the part about the “gravitational waves traveling into deep space to wrench a dead planet out of it’s orbit.”