Friday, December 27, 2013

WITHOUT FRIENDS NO ONE WOULD CHOOSE TO LIVE-----AristotleVery interesting article/video I came across today regarding being bullied. It is about a girl who is bullied because her looks do not conform to what others have deemed "acceptable".http://www.today.com/video/today/53971923?from=en-us_msnhp

My Thoughts...

When a
school shooting or teen suicide occurs we like to focus on issues like gun
control. Rarely, do I hear people bring up the topic of social rejection and social isolation and how these two factors are almost always present in the
lives of those who have resorted to killing themselves and/or their fellow
classmates.

The fact
remains, people rarely go out on killing sprees if they are feeling good about
themselves, if feelings of happiness and high self esteem are bubbling up from
their subconscious and friendship opportunities abound. It is unlikely that a
popular student surrounded by a group of accepting peers would have these
suicidal or killing tendencies. These factors buffer the growing teenager from
the impact and tremendous changes that occur in the brain.

During
youth, the prefrontal cortex of the brain is still in its development phase and
teenagers are, at the same time, constructing their own identity. More than any other time in their lives, a
teenager is seeking acceptance and approval from their peers. Furthermore,
their brains tend to have a heightened level of sensitivity to rejection, to
being ignored and excluded by their classmates. Combine this with the fact that
the developing teenage brain is more prone to risk-taking, impulsive behavior.
While most students will have little difficulty merging into and being accepted
by one of the plentiful cliques that high school offers—jocks, nerds, geeks,
skaters, musicians, pet enthusiasts—there is bound to be a few stragglers and
loners.

My thought
is that the stragglers/socially rejected individuals have made countless efforts to fit in with a
group, to reach out and find a group of students who accepts them, a group of
people who approves of their own emerging identity but… they have been rebuffed
and rejected on numerous occasions. This process of seeking acceptance isn’t
new for them, it probably started during their grade school and junior high
school days. It was during these years that they encountered an impasse to achieving
basic peer approval. Perhaps their looks, attire, tastes or mannerisms were
deemed “wrong” or “inferior”. At this point, the seeds of despair were planted.
If junior high or high school doesn't bode well for friendships or acceptance
into a particular clan, these individuals begin to lose hope. They begin to ruminate on suicidal thoughts,
or, their thoughts may take them down the path of action and aggression. This
is where school shootings come in.

Human
beings have an almost desperate need to belong, to be approved of and accepted
by their peers and to form connections with other members of their social
sphere. When these basic human needs are not fulfilled, psychological
disturbances arise.

Drawing
from personal experience related to social rejection, I’ll never forget a girl
in my junior high school years. This girl was called names like “fat” and
“ugly” repeatedly—almost every day, right to her face! I even remember a very
poignant day in 7th grade where one of the most popular,
good-looking jocks in school began kicking her until she fell to the ground. He
was even surrounded by a group of very popular boys and girls who were all
cheering him on as he kicked her. I happened to be walking by at the time, on
my way to the next class. I remember being suddenly overwhelmed with shock that
I stopped and began watching this incident unfold right before my eyes. I don’t
think I ever felt so depressed for someone in my entire life. Even to this day,
I still feel guilty for not jumping in and shielding her.
A few years later, I, too, would encounter
the effects of the mean, cruel—albeit popular students myself. On the
school bus one day in 9th grade, I was quietly minding my own
business reading a book. I was always the quiet, shy sort without a group of
comrades at my side. All of a sudden,
one of the popular boys sitting behind me made an announcement to the entire
bus about how “I was an ugly crater face and shouldn’t be able to ride the bus
because I was so scary.” Everyone on the bus laughed and even chimed in. People
began to taunt me and laugh in a sadistic fashion. I’ll never forget how terrible I felt. I was
fully aware of how bad I looked—but being flatly reminded that you are ugly by
another group of very popular classmates was almost too much to bear—especially
during the teenage years.

On top
of this experience, I had a litany of social rejection and isolation
experiences. While my thoughts didn’t lead me down the militant path of
aggression and violence, I repeatedly entertained thoughts of self hatred and
even suicide. Instead of blaming the
group of sadistic peers that surrounded me, I would blame myself and try to
change myself to gain some degree of acceptance. These experiences of repeated
rejections ultimately turned me into an isolated, introverted person who probably
suffers with unnecessary anxiety.

I am
almost certain—confident—to suggest that the socially rejected, isolated
individual will often go down one of two paths. These are: depression/suicide
and/or violent aggression towards others. Being a loner allows for the perfect
storm, the perfect place for a mind to brew self-loathing thoughts or intense
feelings of anger for those who have caused you such psychological distress.

We as a
society help create these monster-mentalities who go on to commit suicide
and/or take the lives of others with them. The popular teenagers who reject and
ignore the “loner types” are major contributors to this phenomenon. It might
be difficult for those who have never experienced the full dimension of peer
rejection and psychological pain to understand what such an individual may be
feeling. The teenage years are a hard enough time as it is. Add on to this the
aspect of rejection and ostracism and we are bound to see some negative consequences.

Studies
have shown that once rejected by their peers, a child will have a nearly
impossible time in school ever becoming popular or even simply “accepted”
again. They are forever blighted with this stigma.

Perhaps
we should focus on bullies—not just the “classic” bully-type but also the throngs of
popular students who use their powers not to integrate with all students but to
form exclusive, catty, even sadistic groups.