Last week I let a woman who reminded me of my grandmother
get to second base. It was my first time so I was nervous, but she was a pro.

In fact her cheerful manner as she squished my breasts into
the mammogram machine actually may have made the entire experience less awkward
than the first time I was felt up—at age 15.

What made the day even more memorable is that not more than
an hour before my topless experience, I was deep into my first-ever therapy
session. If I had added a colonoscopy to the day, I could have celebrated a
trifecta in personal and emotional space violations. But since I’m no longer an
overachiever, two firsts in a day seemed sufficient.

Not only was I taking care of my health, but it was a day of
real personal growth. In my 20s, the self-analysis always came after the
groping, never before.

Really the entire week was a lesson that you’re never too
old for firsts. I’ve written in the past about how approaching middle age can
make you feel like you’re done with all your “first times”
(i.e., walking, marriage, children, dyeing your hair because it’s gray and not
because it’s fun and trendy).

Mammograms and therapy weren’t exactly the “firsts” I was
looking forward to in this stage of my life, so I’ve been creating my own and I
hope you are too.

So last week was also the first week of my 20-week training
program for my first half marathon. Now as much as I love 5K runs for charity,
13.2 miles always sounded like a slow and torturous way to die. It actually
still does, but for some reason, just days after I turned 40, I was Googling local
half marathons and thinking, “if a 75-year-old can do this, so can I.”

My aging body isn’t so thrilled with this newfound
aspiration, but too bad. I will literally be running my ass off for the next four
months. Why? For no other reason than I need to add another “first” to my life.

“Firsts” have always been intimidating to me, and the thought of running
five days a week definitely freaks me out given my tendency to injure myself. Yet, as I’ve aged, I’ve found that
“first times,” so rare it seems, are also exhilarating. They make me feel
young.

Some people claim that to live life to its fullest, you
should live every day like it’s your last. For those of us prone to nostalgia
and melancholy when it comes to life ticking by, the thought of last days isn’t
inspiring, it’s downright depressing.

So I propose that instead we spend our days seeking out more
first times. There are millions of things to do in this world. What if each
day, we tried to seek out something new.

A lifetime of first times. What could be more terrifying and
exhilarating than that?

Comments

I'm a mammogram veteran at this point, as well as a counseling vet. It's so good to take care of our mind, body and spirit and I'm thankful there are folks out there to help. ; )

As for a first, I'm going on my first cruise in a week! I probably shouldn't take the time off work, but I can't remember when the last time was that I had a real vacation, meaning rest, relaxation and fun without going to visit family. Granted, I will be with family (Mom and my brother), but I'm really looking forward to being detached from the phone and computer.

Here's to all our firsts to nurture ourselves in whatever ways are best for us in the moment!!!

A big warm hug & lots of love,Rebecca

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About me

I’m a 40-year-old woman with a darling young daughter, a long-term marriage and an established career. To onlookers, I have it all together. But in rare moments when I'm solo in the car and a throwback song comes on the radio, I sometimes have an overwhelming urge to drink myself silly, dance my ass off and make-out with strangers.
Read more...I’m not that young or foolish any more, but I also don’t feel old (despite increasing wrinkles). I am caught somewhere between young and old and I’m not the only one. This blog is for those of us who are still dancing queens yet, rather than yearning for the good old days, are wise enough to recognize that this crazy, in-between, complex time in our lives is life’s sweet spot.
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