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Friday, September 21, 2012

How are you? I hope you are
doing well. How is Kajol and what about your children? God bless them
all. Just felt like writing you a letter. I understand you are a busy
man and you have many projects in the pipeline and lots of shooting
schedules lined up but I sincerely hope you read this one.

Firstly, let me introduce
myself. I am a Software Engineer by profession and I am based in
Gurgaon. I am sure you must be smirking right now sir. Gurgaon is an
amazing place where medical shops shut at 10PM but liquor shops provide
services till midnight (officially) and whole night (unofficially). Let
me pause a little bit, I guess I have left my washroom tap running. It’s
disturbing to write amidst such disconcerting sounds. I’ll play “Jab
kisi ki taraf dil jhukne lage” from your movie “Pyaar toh hona hi tha”.
Sir, the song and the movie both were copied but I loved you in the
movie. It’s a perfect setting now. I guess I can speak my heart out now.
I’ll let you know if I need a break. Hope you don’t mind.

Sir, back in 1991 when your
first movie “Phool aur Kaante” released, I was in class 1. No I don’t
have to remember that because that has been the sequence of my life -
1991-class 1, 1992-Class 2….1999-Class 9”. I didn’t do anything for one
full year after class 12th because I was preparing for IIT
JEE(That I couldn’t crack) and hence the sequence went for a toss.
Sorry, this information wasn’t required. So when your movie released, I
got my favorite hero for life. I tried your double Bike entry scene on
my Atlas’s and Avons and as a result of that I still smile a crooked
smile. I totally loved the fact that when others tried to become a hero,
you went a step ahead to become an actor. And masses loved you too, you
were a classy-massy hero who very few actors in Indian cinema can claim
to be, Mr. Bachchan and Aamir Khan are the two that I can think of.

The way you made a certain
superstar look like a nobody in front of you when you played the role of
a man who vows to make his wife meet her long separated lover was
phenomenal. Zakhm – where you started and ended the movie in a single
blue shirt and where your eyes expressed the anger and sadness of a son,
a patriot and a human being was commendable. Bhagat Singh, there were
many movies made on this brave martyr but the one in which the “Actor”
portrayed the “Hero” turned out to be a milestone of Indian Cinema. Very
few movies have made me cry sir, this was one of them. I remember
another one “Naam-Sanjay Dutt and Kumar Gaurav starrer” that one made me
cry as well. Again, this information isn’t required. The whole state of
Bihar started worshipping you when you played “Ajay Shastri” and “ACP
Amit Kumar” in “Apaharan” and “Gangajal” respectively. I think I need a
break. I’ll quickly like and post a compliment on my Girlfriend’s
Facebook status. She has topped a GK Quiz in “Frankfinn Air Hostess
Training Institute”. Sounds really tough, sir. I’ll post a “Proud of you
Babe :-*” quickly and get back.

I am back. Who can forget
“Manu” from “Raincoat” who had no cash but only “Gutkhas” in his wallet?
There was a nice background score sung by “Shubha Mudgal” in that
movie, that I don’t remember. I think she should sing more. What do you
think sir? We can discuss this if we happen to meet someday. Yes, back
to the plot – Who can forget the electric Student leader “Michael
Pandey” from “Yuva” who beats Mr. Bachchan’s not-so-talented son to pulp
on the “Howrah Bridge.” Sir, after “Once upon a time in Mumbai”, I have
stopped saying “You are welcome” to people after they thank me, I just
do a “salaam” with my hands and say “Bas Duaaon me yaad rakhna”. That
little cameo in “Lajja” or your “Ata Majhi Satkel” in “Singham”, the
straight faced comedy in the classic “Ishq” or that dark gangster in
“Khaki”, the underworld don in "Company", I have loved everything.

But sir this letter is not
going to be all that sweet. I understand you will roll your eyes, make
faces, even delete this one but I would like you to read a genuine mail
from a genuine fan. There came a movie called “Golmaal” in 2006 which
was not all that bad. It went on to become a hit and then started a
chain reaction of Golmaal movies, Sir allow me to say - If “Legend of
Bhagat Singh” is a milestone of Indian Cinema, these “Golmaal” movies
are disgrace to the entire film fraternity and fans. I can understand
that you have a great rapport with the director who laughs at stupid
jokes in a TV show. But trust me sir, you are much better than these
Golmaal roles. Having said that, I would also like to mention that
“Golmaal” series is a dream role for Jeetu ji’s son and the director has
intelligently made him mute. Sir I think Jeetu ji’s son looks like a
deformed pizza that customers refuse to accept. I have heard he is a
good sister to his brother “Ekta” though. Let’s not discuss him. We can
crack jokes on him, if we happen to meet.

Sir what did you eat before
signing “Rascals”? The answer would help a lot of people. We can write a
blog on “What not to eat before interviews/exams?” Don’t you agree this
is the worst movie of your entire career? What did you say? “Parwana”.
Let me do a Parineeti Chopra style LOL(pronounced L-A-U-L). Sir, Parwana
era was different. You weren’t high on the credibility quotient at that
point of time. But Parineeti Chopra is cute. Do you like full women sir
or skinny ones? Again we can discuss this later.

Last month I went to watch “Bol
Bachchan” with a couple of my friends. The rumor mills suggested that
this movie was loosely inspired from the classic “Golmal”. Sir, I am
sure it must have been inspired from it, but then I am not too sure
because I left the cinema hall after half an hour. Sir, I think you must
be having some secret pact with Junior Bachchan to resurrect his
sinking career but sir, do think of us before doing such films. It was
bizarre and your straight translations weren’t funny sir. Should we
discuss “Tezzz”? I almost heard a no. Okay sir, I hear you. But you can
answer one question. Which one is uglier? A.) The Movie “Tezzz” B.) The
director of the movie. Okay! I guess you want to dodge this one too.

But A diehard fan I am and
hence, I am looking forward to “Son of Sardar”. I hope it is an “Ishq”
kind of comedy and not “Golmaal” kind. I am more than looking forward to
“Satyagrah”. Prakash Jha is an intelligent director of serious cinema.
“Aarakshan” is the only comedy flick that he has made. Did you like that
one sir?

Now that I am almost at the end
of my letter, let me just ask one final question. Sir what’s with your
association with “Emotional Atyaachar”?The show, the channel and the
actors are mascots of wannabeism and cheapness. Why would an actor of
your stature anchor such a show? Sir! on behalf of all your fans, I
would request you to not appear in such shows. I think I am done from my
side. Please reply and feel free to shout at me, I won’t mind. A fan is
a fan after all.