Talking about money has always made me feel a little weird. Spending over a certain amount for one item made me feel even weirder. I thought it was taboo for a young black woman to purchase something she really wanted if it was “too expensive.” Thoughts like “you could have invested in something else with that money” and “that’s too expensive” would often deter me from buying anything that’s considered a luxury item. I also thought I wouldn’t be relatable if I bought something that someone else may not want to spend money on or may not be able to afford right away. After reading Luxury Shopping, It ain’t just for the Rich by blogger Monroe Steele, I decided to strip myself of financial negative talk and set up a “treat myself” budget (something my one of my best friends has) aside from bills and savings.

I suppose I’ve been telling myself I was waiting for it to get a little warmer to wear this Nanushka skirt but I’ve really been afraid to wear it. I’ve never purchased one piece of clothing over $100 before so it’s been hanging up for a month. Originally this skirt retailed at $475+ but while browsing Net-A-Porter’s sale section, I came across it for $238. I looked at it for a week while I decided if I would feel guilty if I bought it. I had the means to buy it outright but familiar thoughts about what I should spend my money on nagged at me. For context, I grew up in a house hold where getting the most for your money took precedence. That makes sense because when you’re a single mom of two girls you’re not out here trying to buy designer. You’re trying to stay afloat in several areas.

While prioritizing money is still as important and relevant as ever, the mindset of what I’m allowed to have, even if I do have the funds for a pricey purchase, has ruled in my mind for a long time. I’ve purchased more things for the same price of one item and ended up not even wearing all of the multiple things I purchased. I’ve given away quite a bit of pieces recently because I either never wore them or my taste changed. Taking a chance and buying this skirt was one thing. Not feeling guilty after the money came out of my checking account and signing for the package was another.

Needless to say, I’m glad I bought it. It didn’t stop me from saving money or paying my bills. In fact the same month I bought this skirt is the same month I put my first $5K in savings. Now I’m not advising you to start buying a bunch of luxury pieces just to say that you can. I am team #dowhatyouwantwithyourmoney. What I am saying is that sometimes we develop certain spending habits because we tell ourselves we’ll never be able to afford certain things. That people who do buy certain things are self centered and wasteful. Money, much like sex, is one of those things we feel weird about (there’s also societal and racial issues to consider), especially if we grew up poor or in a Christian household. If you’re like me then you may have grown up with both ever present in your life. I actually want to write about sex. I figure if I can talk about sexual trauma then I can talk about sex itself. We’ll see how that turns out!

Any way, the bottom line is buying what you want when you have the means to do so is okay just like paying your bills, saving money, donating to charities/organizations, investing in courses for your business, tithing at church, paying for therapy sessions and more are okay. We all choose what we’re going to invest in and it may not necessarily mirror other people’s choices. On the other hand, judging strangers for what they choose to do with their finances is like a double edged sword. It reflects how we feel about money and then puts it into the universe. Money is not disgusting or evil. Does it make people do some pretty interesting and sometimes terrible things? Yes. Again, so does sex. And religious, political, societal, and gender role beliefs. But these things alone do not have to be necessarily bad. WE decide what we’re going to believe and how we’re going to act as a result of said beliefs.