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We are in marriage counseling and keep hitting the same bumps. He feels I treat him like a child, yet I often feel he acts like one. I have asked him to please pick up after himself, pay attention to whats going on,

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He's in denial. What is the counselor saying when he complains that you treat him like a child?

When you go to the therapist, bring a list of exact examples of where you have had to "parent him" and he didn't like it. I wouldn't include 'not paying attention to your feelings" in this regard...that is too abstract. I would list "real things" the HE IS SUPPOSED to be doing as an adult (picking up after himself), and list those things. Be specific....dates, details.

Never be vague with a therapist. People will come in and say things like, "he's a slob" or "he's lazy or whatever. That doesn't tell a therapist anything. After all, the T may think that you're a neat freak that gets mad if a dirty cup is left out for 5 minutes. You have to be clear.

Therapists don't deal well with vague things like: "he acts like a child." They need specifics and it helps to bring real hard evidence. Take pictures with your phone if you must (his dirty clothes on the floor, or his dirty dishes left in the family room after a snack, or a "half-done" project that has been left for for a few months that you're stuck living with. If there are dirty clothes on the floor on Monday, take a pic, don't pick them up. Take a pic again on Tuesday if they're still there, and so forth. Show that you're not being unreasonable. The clothes are there for days.

Stop mothering him and let him feel the effects of not having someone "follow up" for him.

What is going on when he's saying that you treat him like a child? My H says that and I say, "You are acting like a child because of ________." I don't think H would ever complain to a T when I'm there that I treat him like a child because he knows that I would bring a laundry list of his childish actions, plus pictures: losing things, breaking things because he's not careful, forgetting appointments, losing money, making messes and not cleaning up after himself, etc.

He's so rough with things that there are certain things in the house that I've told him that he's not allowed to touch. When he complains that I'm treating him like a child, I rattle off the LONG LIST of things that he's broken because he wasn't careful....laptops, tablets, my new iPad, a TV, a Keurig, numerous dishes, many coffee cups, countless eye-glasses, our dog's insulin bottles, doors on our kitchen cabinet (from leaning on them!), a freezer door (from leaning on it!), and so forth. He has broken at least 10 cell phones, and at least 2 of mine. I don't allow him to touch my current phone, nor my iPad. I don't allow him to touch any of my small appliances.