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Ms. Lonely Heart's Diary is where I discuss my loser status when it comes to dating, romance, sex, love, matters of the heart, blah, blah, blah. I'm a 41 year old lesbian who has no idea what the fuck she is doing. Cheers!

fat: here we go again

A couple of days ago I bought a really cool gray and blue raglan t-shirt with a NASA logo on the front. I got it in a men’s size medium which is what I normally get. I hesitated trying it on because I knew my tummy was going to be sticking out, but I tried it on any way.

Yikes!

Ugh.

Man.

😦

It wasn’t good. More horrible than I thought. I’ve never cared that much about my weight as far as being healthy or wanting people to be attracted to me. I do care about how clothes look on me. I want them to fit nicely. I’ve never been thin and don’t really care to be. I want to be at a weight where I feel comfortable. 180lbs is not it. Seeing my stomach sticking out and the fat spilling out on my sides was startling.

Seeing that awfulness jolted me back into reality. I’ve gotten so friggin’ lazy. No drive. No motivation. I eat, take a sleeping pill and disappear into dreamland until it’s time for me to go to work.I have to get it together.

Where and how to start?

Well, I’ve done what I always do when I start feeling fat and a lack of motivation- make empty promises about losing weight and getting my life on track. I’m hoping this time I will find my groove and stick to it. I want to wear this shirt.