I’m still juicing all day with one meal & a snack in the evening…(not where I’d hoped to be on day 7). My “snack” has been total junk the past two days too.

I’m needing to get this down and consistent, but then I still want and need to do only juicing…I’ve been having trouble with getting enough water in general, enough green juice and keeping my food in check – all within my calorie range. M has taken the attitude that juicing is “my new fad” and that “we aren’t rabbits”…probably because I’m cooking a lot less, buying less meat and more veggies. Fridge is over flowing with veggies.

I had red juice this morning & for lunch…for the first time since I added the juice…let’s just say it went right through me.

Face/Clearing

I have rosacea and my skin texture is good right now, getting better as I add the juice, lots of little bits of crud come to the surface and wash away…so that is good. However, the red pigment on my face is a bit darker and more noticeable the last few days than it normally is…I look very pink in the nose and cheeks at the moment. Clearing something? Better blood flow to thin skin on my face? I don’t know.

Teeth/Clearing

I brushed my teeth & tongue this morning and then immediately did it again. I could still taste and feel they were dirty. Eww! I think it is because as I add more juice I’m not having the sugar and fat and chemical coating from processed food in my mouth and on my tongue. I saw something about that in the documentary Veducated in reference to vegans…kind of makes sense to me.

Tongue/Clearing

Remember as a teen reading in magazines about how your tongue can give you clues to your health? I used to run in and check my tongue for cracks and such and back then never had any…fast forward many years and for at least the last year or two I did have a weird crack splitting off in a few directions in the middle of my tongue. Day 7 adding green & red juice = crack in tongue gone!

Well, I told myself when the last coffee energy drink was gone that was it…to be replaced by my morning juice. I thought I had one left so I was kind of mad when it wasn’t there this morning. But, oh well, I made my red juice and I’m fine now. I stepped on the scale and was down 2 pounds so that helped me get over my lack of coffee a bit.

Last night I had a headache for awhile…eventually I went and got a big glass of water and then I was fine. I made the mistake of drinking my last juice after dinner time thinking I’d be up at least a few more hours…then I went to lay down with my daughter and the second I was horizontal I had terrible acid…and if I got up right then she was going to bounce up and awake like a Jack-in-the-box, so I was stuck there for awhile.

I think maybe I’m hyper aware of any “symptoms” because of changing to juice…but really, I know I have had the same sort of things on regular food at various times…

I’m adding a 4th juice today and cutting the snack. Still planning on a healthy early dinner…as long as I’m feeling OK I think tomorrow is going to be the first day of the total juice only fast. I’m looking forward to it.

3pm…headache had gone, but then was back again…went and drank a big glass of water…it was less, but still there. Laid down for a bit and that helped a lot. Skin looks decent today, not perfect, but not bad. Weirdest thing- when I was resting, I could taste chocolate…even though there was no chocolate and I haven’t had anything chocolate in a few weeks…

It is strange to think I already need to juice again because it seemed like so much of the red and green juice…but it will be gone later today…I like it better fresh…even just overnight in the fridge it wasn’t as good. The store was out of cucumbers! I’m going to grab a couple from the gas station to get me through…they are home grown in a local garden here and he buys them by the box for resale.

I was watching a juicing Youtuber and she suggested using the juicing time to learn as much as you can about nutrition while you are focused on this part of your life…I liked that idea so I’m going to keep finding various blogs, YouTube videos and NetFlix documentaries and watch something each day to support the juicing and to just add to what I know about nutrition.

Later today I’m watching the follow up film to Forks Over Knives: Fire Engine 2 Kitchen Rescue…

Made more red juice and green juice this morning. Ha ha on me, I went to the grocery store last night to get celery and saw some really nice Kale…I got it out this morning and discovered I’d grabbed turnip greens on accident…I don’t think I’ve ever tried turnip greens 🙂 I juiced them up…turnip greens are sort of bitter like a lot of greens so I needed some extra lemon to mask it. Still, the green juice is drinkable this morning and I tried something new.

So, is this clearing? I’m not even doing ONLY juice yet, just adding 3 green juices a day…BUT, something is definitely going on with me emotionally…

All along, but especially the last few days my emotions are definitely more volatile than my “normal”…not that my normal is good…just normal to me…I’d say that in the last six months the primary negative emotions I’d recognize would be a tendency to depression that wasn’t there before coming back to Florida and anxiety that also wasn’t there before then, but that did start still in Minnesota…once I knew I was coming here basically. But, very unlike me – most of the time I didn’t really feel anything at all. Just like emotions were neutral or off most of the time.

Right now, I’d say there has been less depression by far (though there are still moments – almost like it is just from a habit of thinking I’ve developed), overall there is less anxiety, but when something does trigger it, it feels more sudden and stronger…but like the “moments” of depression, it doesn’t last and is over quite quickly…

However, as I’ve been juicing I have noticed that I have a lot of anger. It pops up and it wants to be heard, it isn’t polite and it doesn’t go away quickly. Every shade of anger has come to see me this week. It is like I can feel it come up and out…sometimes I can even catch what it was…because snips of memories or random thoughts from things and people I haven’t thought about in years and would have no reason to suddenly come to mind come up…and go pretty much as quickly as I can process what that thought, feeling or image was in the first place…but the anger they bring with them (even at things that aren’t “bad” memories or thoughts) that anger lingers. It is quite surreal actually. Sometimes I can even feel a place in my body, a spot of pain or soreness where that was stored in my physical body.

I even blew up at M who has been being a butt and purposely not helping at the house- even when my back was out and I couldn’t bend and walk for three days-and yelled myself hoarse. I was so mad, I was standing across the room and shaking I was so angry with him. I don’t let myself blow up or get mad like that. I did walk away to cool off, went to the gym to swim my mad out…the physical activity helped, but my mad was bigger than my physical body could burn for fuel all at once.

In a physical sense…stuff is going on too…cruddy eyes in the morning…my face is even more red and bumpy patches (rosacea) and intermittently I’ve been retaining water I can see in my ankles being a bit swollen and my wrists sometimes too…that last might worry me more, except in between when they go down my ankles and wrists are smaller than they’ve been in years- even when I didn’t weigh as much.

Energy-wise I’m all over the place…some days I have more energy than I can remember having since I was a kid…other days I’m tired or cranky…not getting as much done as I’d wish…

A lot of stuff…I’ve been consistently exercising, consistently juicing…not always within my calorie range though so some of that exercise is wasted for weight loss purposes. Despite all this negative emotion stuff, there were hours, a half day or so where I felt a deeper peace and inner content than I’ve felt in a long, long time. It isn’t the same as feeling happy or energetic…and it is much more powerful for it.

I’m feeling comfortable that I can do the juice fast. I know how to make the juices, I know where to get the produce and back up places to get it if needed…and where not to get it (Hello Wal-mart, your produce sucks!)

I’ve also got the rhythm of it– making the juices every day, needing to shop more often…storing and preparing the produce…also needing to carry the juice and water with me and needing to plan before I’m leaving the house for a long time.

My household is now used to me doing juices everyday so it isn’t a big deal now.

I’m also confident that I can keep working out on juice only just fine…green juice gives me plenty of energy to fuel the workout.

I’ve been careful for my last trips to the store not to buy foods that would be especially tempting for me, I was still able to get regular food that everyone else likes, but that wouldn’t be tempting for me. There’s no junk- even though they are all skinny and can eat whatever they like…there is also no peanut butter, chocolate anything or garlic bread 🙂

I’ve been asking myself I am ready to commit to a 60 day total juice fast? I consider things like that it will include Memorial Day weekend, going to see my favorite band that I’ve wanted to see since high school, my birthday, 4th of July…and probably other events I haven’t even thought of yet. Of course 3 out of 4 of those I’m thinking of the food aspects that I won’t be partaking in, that alone should be a clue to me about my relationship with food! I could have more fun by just planning ahead to do something active at those various events…hiking, boating, biking etc…instead of sitting on the sidelines and eating food or making food the “celebration” instead of actually doing something!

So, yes, I am committed. Feelings-wise…maybe nervous? I’m going to print out a calendar for the fridge and mark off 60 days….X for when the day is done and 🙂 for every day that I workout.

I’m going to continue to blog about the fast…not because anybody is reading them 🙂 but because I won’t remember the experience the same way if I don’t write down the day to day stuff.

I have no wish to fail all the time. I know people say failing is good and that we should learn from failing…but it doesn’t feel like that!

I kind of feel like being obese in the first place is already failing in a really public and obvious way and other people always reinforce that feeling for me with being treated like I’m invisible.

So far, yesterday, what I was hoping was going to be day 1 of the total juice fast, didn’t quite make it, I ended up eating a small dinner and no snack and the rest juice. Still, it was the most juice so far and the least food…it really is mental (though I was physically hungry too in this case).

Here is the thing, if you’re addicted to food in an unhealthy way (like I am) then even if you are juicing and getting energy and calories that way, you aren’t using it to stuff whatever emotion or handle whatever situation like you were before starting only juice. If it was all about hunger, then that would be one thing, but it is about hunger + dealing with my emotional crap and that part sucks.

Unlike both men in the movie Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead…I can’t take a vacation from my life and go somewhere just to fast and juice. I have to do things that are at best annoying and at worst sabotaging like cook dinner for the family and then still get stuck putting it all away for leftovers and doing the dishes too.

So today, day 2 of attempt at total juice fast…fail again. I still had lots of juice and tried new juices…including a new green juice that has mint and tastes like sweet mint tea…which would have been great had I been looking for that taste 🙂 But today I also had soda AND fries 😦 Both worthless foods.

…Now, I can look back and realize I should have just listened to the whining and taken the kids home where there are no temptations for me, but I gave in and I didn’t still there with nothing while they ate…or go through a drive through and get me nothing or something other than what I did.

You know, I did get home and went right back to my juices. I had a small dinner and I guess make a better plan for tomorrow.

When you aren’t stuffing feelings with food, they come out. Sometimes I’m not surprised at what comes out, but sometimes I really am.

At first when I started juicing…it was like a roller coaster of emotions. One day I was depressed or tried, then angry…then furious…eventually there were nicer emotions like peace and feeling happy and more hopeful…what all that showed me was something I sort of knew but didn’t “get” at the time and that’s that I’d been not really “feeling” any feelings at all for awhile.

So, a month into juicing and there is no roller coaster anymore, but in general I’m more aware of my feelings and express them instead of keeping them frozen. Other people would say I’ve had more of a “temper” and I’m not as nice…I say I simply made a decision that I’m tired of being walked all over and if I can’t change that much at home I can definitely start with no longer making nice and putting up with crap from strangers! I never really thought about it before, but like a lot of women, I was taught to “make nice” and to “be polite” and to “keep the peace”…I see now how often and at what price some of that came to getting my own needs met. I’m still generally nice, but no longer at the price of ME and what I need.