Women Can Now Play ‘Sounds Of The Forest’ Or Ariana Grande While Taking A Dump

Aug 8, 2017

Japanese toilet maker Toto Ltd. is liberating women nationwide after releasing the new Porcelain ZX3000 this month empowering the female population with a range of sound options to hide the disgusting noises they make while dropping the kids off at the pool.

“We can now boast the biggest range of sounds for women covering their tracks while laying a pipeline,” said Toto Chief Executive Kunio Harimoto, “including ‘Sounds of the Forest’ by Walter Tilgner, ‘100 Hours Of Nature In The Amazon’ by Bruce Smith, and countless songs from musical geniuses such as Kanye West and Justin Bieber.”

The incredible cutting edge technology is being installed in most JR train stations bringing a whole new meaning to the term ‘omotenashi’ and has already changed numerous female lives.

“I don’t know how Bruce spent that long in the Amazon but his compilation of monkey sounds are the perfect distraction when I’m talking to a man about a mule,” said 33-year-old secretary Yuri Tsukamoto.

“Not only am I now completely empowered in concealing the echoes of my own shameful filth, I can also cash in on a bit of genki from David Guetta,” said 29-year-old office lady Kumiko Yamashita.