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Friday, January 29, 2010

Friday, January 29, 2010

After extensive research of all the baffling, exclamation point-riddled status updates I've been seeing on FB and Twitter, I've concluded that something either is happening, has happened, or will happen in the world of sports.

After a few wild guesses and a Magic 8-Ball consult, I've concluded that these happenings are "most likely" football-related.

Is this a football? "Ask Again Later."

This has me at a distinct disadvantage, since frankly I know about as much about football as I do that mysteriously emptied Reese's Chocolate Clusters bag on the kitchen counter. Which is to say absolutely nothing.

Still, I can guess that this frankenpoo butterfly with fuzzy monster wings is supposed to be a football:

And that this next one is probably a "football field" in some Wreckerator's wildest dream:

(I'm talking a What Dreams May Come kinda wildest dream here, not a Field of Dreams kind of dream. But you probably got that already, right?)

Besides, you don't have to know the game to realize that fecal footballs are really never a good idea:

Especially when placed next to perfectly decent-looking football picks.Bakers, ever hear the expression, "Don't park your ass next to a thoroughbred?" Just curious.

Could be worse, though. It could have fecal footballs with urine-yellow icing and a big ol' dual-meaning inscription like "Go Team" on it. Not that anyone would ever do something that...

Oh, no.

Really?

Really.

[sigh]

Well, there it is.

Although now that I look at it, I'm actually kind of disappointed there isn't a "We're #1!" on it somewhere, or "Go long" or something with the word "pass" in it. Hehehe. Wow, I never realized there were so many potty puns in sports! That almost makes them slightly more interesting. (The puns - not the sports.)

Finally, here's one more design someone clearly didn't think all the way through:

Ok, let's be generous and assume the Wreckerator meant "Touchdown," but for some reason couldn't remember how to spell "down."

Even then, you know there are FB pics out there of a bunch of drunken guys posing with this cookie cake held in very, shall we say, strategic locations. Not good, bakers, not good.

NOTE: For the one person out there wondering: yes, today's title is inspired by The Drowsy Chaperone. For the rest of you: that's a musical with two punny gangsters in it posing as pastry chefs. Need I say more?

NOTE from john: We are currently unable to publish your comments. You can still write them but we won't be able to put them up for a little bit. Our "Epcot" advisory is at Orange.

#4: Those aren't fecal footballs (though I love the term), they're caterpillars! They're rushing the field in an "everyone wins" kind of game where there's not one but 3 balls for them to try to get. maybe they work in teams of two.

#4 is sad because it looks like a decent decorator did a few cuppies, added the picks and then handed over the job to the new guy, but neglected to give him the correct pipping tip or tell him where the flotsam was stored.

This takes me back to my days growing up on the farm. You might actually find a deflated football stuck in between two tufts of grass, months after someone had thrown it into the ditch. If it was too muddy to retrieve it, or if it landed next to the den of a cranky and/or rabid wild animal, it was bye-bye football. We never got a cake out of it, though.

The wreckerator who made #3 should be shot or taught what a football field looks like. That could pass for an ugly attempt at a soccer field or a basketball court. It would be better if the wreckerator switched out the plastic flotsam. It would still be a wreck, but one do to execution rather than both bad execution and lack of knowledge.

So I was going to comment "I LOVE The Drowsy Chaperone!" as soon as I saw the title... but there's a note at the end of the post that kills my fun. Lol. Anyways, I'll have "As We Stumble Along" stuck in my head all day. Thanks for that! :P

Given the scatological nature of the rest of the wrecks, when I saw "old fashioned chocolate picnic" on the label for the second cake, I thought of checking Urban Dictionary for a definition. There is no entry there yet for "chocolate picnic", but use your imagination. Or don't. :)

My football fan husband's comments were limited to "what the hell is that?!?" until he got to the cookie; that one he wants on a t-shirt. To my knowledge he is not currently drunk, but I may be shortly.

And why did someone park a football in the middle of a basketball court where people were planning a chocolate picnic? I really do need that drink now...

Darn! I thought I was the only person wondering! Heehee! Jen, love all your punny posts, and it's nice to hear that someone else has no idea what's happening with whatever sports season we're in right now. Keep up the good work--you guys always make my day!!

Somehow, these cakes remind me of mean older kids and legends of the things they'd try to do younger kids in the neighborhood. Just because there's poop lying around, it doesn't mean you need to DO anything with it. I was afraid of older kids for my entire early childhood over stuff that would've looked like these cakes... *shudders*

Following this site has made me forever disappointed when I walk into a costco or other expectedly low quality grocery store bakery and see only decently decorated cakes. My heart just sinks every time.

I keep returning to "Frankenpoo" just for the out loud laugh! I'm fairly new to Cake Wrecks but have dutifully done my homework reading the whole blog from the beginning and passing it on to all my friends. Huge hit!

My son saw the first cake on my screen and asked, "what is that?" I told him it was an ugly football cake. He said, "if I have a football cake, I don't want one like that if it's going to be all smushed like that!" He's five ... and brilliant!

The second-to-last one had me thinking, "Those are really close to looking like little hot cross buns," so I guess you could cover the lettering with yellow chickies and use it for Easter . . . Only after that did I wonder, "Why so very many footballs?" I don't know much, but I know they tend to play with one at a time. "And now, a halftime salute to -- the equipment room!"

The "touchdown" cookie thing nearly got a litteral *headdesk from me, but the "Our 'Epcot' advisory is at Orange" made my coworkers wonder what was so funny..... once I caught my breath, I turned them on to your site! I love you guys! :)

*coughcough* Um....sorry, got carried away ^__^ But still! Your nerdy references always make me so very happy. Someone else out there knows about these things, and the comments are written with such panache. After being a long-time watcher, you've finally gotten me to comment. :D

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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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