6.23.2007

as promised.

I said I'd share some of what God did in my heart at NA. Specifics. I'm going to pull from my journal so we'll see if it makes sense. Here goes.

If I had to pick one word to describe what God did at NA, it'd be renew. Or refresh. (adjectives. I can’t use just one.) It began on the ride up. Jill, Heather and I took turns reading scripture out loud. We all chose very different passages yet their common theme was grace. This really impacted me. I'd been struggling with condemnation for awhile. I prayed. And prayed...but it seemed like a losing battle...When we walked into worship that night there was a word on the screen. GRACE. During worship, God came. He washed away the condemnation. How much sweeter does grace seem when you feel the weight of your sin! It is always precious, but my perspective is so often skewed…He reminded me afresh of the blood of His Son. That amazing transaction by which all my debt was paid. Forever. I was so freshly aware of my undeservingness. But in a new way...my condemnation was aware in an introspective, prideful way. This was awareness with joy. “Oh God I cannot thank you enough!!" Amazement at His glorious gospel...It set the tone for the rest of the conference. That, and the "uplifting of my head" sunday night. (bob kauflin's "should remain in silence" spontaneous song.) With a burden removed, I could receive conviction. Before I'd grown weary and discouraged. Now I was ready to continue the fight. But only by His strength. I am supposed to be weak. Dependant on Him. It is then, in my utter helplessness, that He's glorified. With His help, I can defeat sin. Without it, I only fool myself. He took my eyes off my circumstances to see Jesus, “the author and perfecter of my faith”.

When You lead me to the valley of vision

I can see You in the heights

And though my humbling wouldn't be my decision

It’s here Your glory shines so bright

So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown

To be low is to be high

That the valley’s where You make me more like Christ

Let me find Your grace in the valley

Let me find Your life in my death

Let me find Your joy in my sorrow

Your wealth in my need

That You’re near with every breath

In the valley

In the daytime there are stars in the heavens

But they only shine at night

And the deeper that I go into darkness

The more I see their radiant light

So let me learn that my losses are my gain

To be broken is to heal

That the valley’s where Your power is revealed.

{in the valley, sgm music}

O Lord, this is my heart's cry. May I learn to trust you more and more, to rely on Your grace. It is always enough...

" i am trying, & will be trying every day for the rest of my life, to look for lovely in the simplest places & grandest moments. but i'm not always succeeding. i'm that guy on the football team who rarely catches a pass, but the team still likes him because he shows up for practice every day. "