Sunday, May 28, 2006

I Finally Did It

In case you haven't noticed, I've changed the title to my blog. I joked about it over at Eva Las Vegas, and the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. It's just funny. Suck eggs if you're offended. THANKS Kristen for giving me a spot to verbally vomit that, and thanks Pooper for being my sounding board. Kevin, hope you like it. To those of you who link to me, you can change it on your side bar if you want. I know that it would probably offend some of your family members who read your blog and don't believe in swearing, and I don't want that - I'm serious. My mission in life is not to offend everyone, just most people (grin)

I have also broken down and planted the garden. Or more to the point, Charles finally got out there and tilled everything up. I tried to do it, but the tiller we have is approximately 700 years old and is only staying together because the rust is some how gluing it all together (super rust instead of super glue). It also weighs roughly the same as a full grown bull African Elephant and pulls just as hard. (I have nicknamed it "THING") Add to that, we have clay in our yard and it's really good at growing every kind of rock you can think of. Big rocks, little rocks, gigantic rocks, and pea sized rocks. Put a garage band on our property line and they would rock. We have so many rocks in our yard, and more showing up everyday, I have threatened to start putting them in the wheelbarrow and dumping them in the driveway - which is sorely in need of a new coat of gravel. I mean really, why buy new when you can have used? The only thing holding me back is, if I do, the driveway will then blend with the rest of the yard and I would hate to drive on the incorrect rocks and screw up the balance of the universe.

So I spent my morning watching Charles walk behind Thing and couldn't help but think he looked like he was having some sort of seizure with all the jumping and jarring and pulling and vibrating. (No I didn't laugh at him...well...okay, yes I did. But only a little) When he was done, he walked back to the house and I noticed that his hands were touching his knees. Which is good, I've always liked that in my primates. He came inside and collapsed on the floor in a sweaty heap. "I'm done." Shocking news that. 'Bout that same time Super Kid finally went to sleep and Lauren came in to cool off from a strenuous morning of riding her bike - DOWN HILL ONLY - in our driveway (yes, the one with no rocks - how many driveways do you think I have

I took the opportunity to grab the seeds and head outside and get my hands dirty. Hubby followed behind with the "I'll get you for this" expression on his face, Lauren stayed behind to listen to the baby snore and was told to yell out the window if he woke up. I was going to plant everything on my own - you know, do the really hard work, but I didn't want hubby feeling like I was horning in on his fun, so I let him tag along. We planted radishes (because we love The Admiral here), lettuce, onions, tomatoes, corn, okra(GAG), cabbage, green beans, squash, red and yellow sweet peppers, and cucumbers. (no carrots - we have more rocks in our garden than we do in the driveway and they would grow weird)

We were pretty proud considering the amount of viable soil here is only about the size of your thumbnail. Never mind that the rows look like they were made by the crooked old man who lived down the crooked lane, or something like that. We added compost last year, so we skipped it this year. I'm cheap that way. Besides, I have already gone to BJ's Wholesale (everyone kneel - I believe in buying in bulk) and bought a box of Miracle Grow so damn big we could house a homeless family in it. (I'm all about Habitat for Humanity - I do my part)

I'm really curious to see how it's all going to turn out. This will be the first year that we have had a garden that we can look after. I'm pretty excited.

Hahaha! I was here earlier today, before this post was up, and noticed the title. I was thinking "How on earth have I never noticed the name of her blog?!" (Admiral Pooper will say this is typical of me.)

Not only am I totally amused, but quite relieved I'm not half as dense as I think I am.

I happen to think its a wonderful new name for your page! It gives you a certain... edgey, tell it like it is feeling to it :) Im jeaouls of the garden, theres nothing better than watching your own stuff grow , and miracle grow is da bomb :)

Alcluith - Your Gran?!!!! (BLUSH). I'm laughing. I can't help it. The thought of a sweet, 85 yr old woman telling someone to bite her ass with a Scottish accent has made my day. Kiss her for me would you? I hope I have half that much spunk when I'm her age. She's my new idol.

Jennster - Thanks. I knew you would like it. You have attitude like that.

Rhonda - Don't feel bad. I sometimes miss obvious things and then all of the sudden notice them. And dense is not a word I would use to descripe you. Jokester is.

Kim - Thanks. We had a garden last year that we planted on time (unlike this year) but we were unable to look after it when Connor was born. He had quite a few medical problems and took all of our attention. This year, I'm going to be a vegetable eatin' fool.

Mama_Tulip - Welcome. I like this one better too. The name was Blind Wanderings before. Picked to show how I would go from topic to topic. This title shows more of how I feel about the general population.LOL

And I promise to go NO WHERE NEAR your garden because I have the Black Thumb of Doom. Either that I am fucking retarded when it comes to plants. I think the latter is truly the case, but I prefer to have super powers.

Christina - welcome. By all means, if you can get the damn thing to move, take it. (That's how it got it' name by the way. I refer to it as "the damn thing" when the kiddies aren't around. ~couldn't get the damn thing started, the damn thing jerked me so hard I have whiplash~ you get the idea.

Besides, I'm all about helping someone get a laugh at their significant others expense. ;) I'll be happy to help.

Meg - Thanks. I was initially hesitant because I thought some of my regulars may be offended. So far that doesn't seem to be the case. It seems they already know I'm a smart ass....I wonder how they got that impression. ;D

Dam that was a funny visual of the roto tiller. We must have the same tiller because I've been there done that many times. Then your hands still feel like they are vibrating for an hour after your get done. My wife likes it, but it does nothing for me.

Observation: Is it a some sort of chick thing that you can never get gas powered tools (Lawn Mower, Weed Whacker, etc etc) started? So after we go out and start them on the first pull, we end up doing the work? Whats wrong with that picture?

Rain Man - If it is the same tiller, I would like to kindly ask you to keep that peice of shit at your house. LOL The neighbors have just bought one that all new and shiny and is just beggin' for me to tear it up in my rock patch.

Answer to your Observation - I have the same problem getting that stuff started. It pisses me off so bad I can't stand it. Do you know how belittleing it is to have to go back inside and ask hubby to start the thing for you and then he starts it first time? It makes me feel like the biggest dumb ass on earth, and then he giggles at me while I swear. LOL

my husband and I went rafting one summer, he left his coat on the ground outside our tent all night and in the morning I had to extract the car keys from it, it was folded in half and when I unfolded it there was a brown recluse in there the size of a glazed doughnut and she had about a gazillion babies on her back, I screamed so loud that people 4 camp sites over stood to see if I had been chopped up with an ax. The coat got a rope tide around it and it stayed in the river for the next two days before I would let him put it back in the car.

Hubby wants me to go camping. I keep telling him I had my fair share of nature when I was in the military. The truth is. It's the bugs. Ick.

We had to dig a fox hole in basic training and the brown recluse were everywhere. We had to get in the hole with them. They were crawling on my uniform. I'm pretty sure this is where my phobia started. I didn't care before then. Nasty little beasties.

I even make sure I hit my shoes before I put them on, just to make sure there are no spiders hiding in there.

Jeez, I may need to get some help. The professional kind. You know THE ORKIN MAN!