what would Selma do?

Main menu

Tag Archives: learning

Ahhh. Hi. I am sooo disappointed about today 😦 but, one thing that’s way worse than plain disappointment, is being disappointed in one’s self, and that I am not!

Today was very painful for me, literally. Nothing went as planned after about 6k, and I definitely don’t have the cushion of confidence I was hoping to be sitting on going into marathon training (tomorrow), but what can ya do? It was still a beautiful sunny day and an awesome crew always comes out for this event. I am glad I got to be there, regardless. Here’s how my morning went:

Had a decent sleep, got up, had the usual oatmeal and coffee, got ready and then went to set up my portion of the course with husband. Felt a tiny bit hungry between course set-up and heading to the race, so I ate a blueberry muffin. After talking with Coach Andrew, I realize this was probably the worst idea ever because of the sugar, but who really knows.

I felt great and did my very legit warm-up of a light jog, drills, stretches and a bit more easy running. The race began and I felt pretty good, though my breathing was not under control. This happens sometimes on this course since it starts on an incline, plus I was so excited, so I didn’t worry about it. Everything felt decent for the first 6k aside from the fact that I couldn’t seem to get my heart rate down, but at 7k I was like, fuck, I have to go to the bathroom. (I wasn’t like, fuck, I have to go pee…) Runners talk about poo all the time and if you don’t like it, this is not the blog for you. Having to go poo in a race is THE WORST. Especially when you already went at home!!!

I picked up the pace to give myself some time for the pit stop, was quick, and came back on to the course. It felt like my stomach was caved in like when you’re so hungry your belly button is touching your spine (LOL) and my energy took a dive. I knew a big downhill was coming, so I kept at it and told myself I’d regroup on the decline and get past this. As I continued to run my stomach went absolutely haywire and I had a really brutal stitch under the ribs on both sides and a stabbing pain in my lower left side.

Stomach cramping isn’t something I deal with often, but when I do it’s usually pretty minor and I know how to breathe through it and make it go away. Not today. Holy hell. I was in so much discomfort going down that hill that I actually got a bit scared. It kept getting worse and as I got closer to the halfway point where volunteers were I was considering my first DNF. DNF means “did not finish”.

Made it to half and stopped, and I was pretty sure I couldn’t keep going. I felt emotional about it, since the thought of not finishing a race made me really sad, and my throat closed right up and trying to breathe was really scary. Sorry for freaking anyone out and thanks for being so nice to me. After resting for a minute, I decided that it was okay to accept that what I wanted to do today was NOT happening, but dropping out was not okay with me.

Going back up that big hill I mentioned earlier (the course is an out-and-back) even really slowly, hurt so badly. I walked a lot and tried to stretch my sides but nothing was helping. It felt like I had the strength and posture of Monty Burns and like there were knives stabbing into my abdomen. I’m laughing really hard about this now because that description is perfect and really funny, but it wasn’t funny at the time. Once I got to the top, my friend and race director Kathy was at her spot manning an intersection and again I thought, this hurts so fucking badly and I can’t even breathe in all the way, I’ll just stay with her and cheer.

Then my very special friend, Kerrie, came up the hill and she said now was the chance to run together. It was her first time running the back half of the relay. I love this chick so much and she lifted my spirits. I love you Kerrie! AND I still kept thinking about how heartbroken I would feel if I didn’t finish the race. So I joined Kerrie and we plugged away at the remaining 8km together, I walked quite a few times but caught back up, and wondered if I had appendicitis. This also makes me laugh, but I was legitimately wondering that and having visions of an ambulance coming to get me.

I am so proud of Kerrie, she fucking owned her half of the relay and she pretty much saved my life. Sorry for fucking swearing so much. ahahahahahah

I said I was disappointed, but not disappointed in myself, and I mean it. Diarrhea attack and feeling like I was getting stabbed in the gut like Arya Stark got stabbed by the waif, that was terrible. Refusing to DNF when it very seriously crossed my mind two or three times, that makes me feel so much better about this shitty run. I physically could not run any more than I was, let alone any faster.

Tomorrow is a new day, and the official start of a huge adventure with Lifelong Endurance. Pump up the JAMmie, week 1, day 1. I can’t wait for the 10 miler at the Tenacious Ten in Seattle with my badass lady gang in two weeks, and for another shot at the half marathon on May 6th at BMO Vancouver. This is random but I find sometimes it helps to say really obvious things out loud so here are a few:

“I can’t change the way today unfolded, so I’ll move on.”

“I will not eat anything except oatmeal before a race, just in case that muffin was a contributing factor, and if I feel a little hungry, just be okay with it.”

“I still fucking love running and I know what I’m capable of.”

As I’ve said before, YODO. You only die once, and it wasn’t today. Congrats to everyone who had an awesome run! Many of my friends PR’d and placed! I am so proud of you all and I’m so glad we had a beautiful day and a very organized event!

love you all! Congratulations everyone ran so well today, THAT makes me happy!

It’s mid-December. How? I feel like yesterday I was in the final weeks of training for the Dopey Challenge at Disneyworld. That was in January! So much happened this year in my running life. Awesome races. Some necessary let-downs. Some massive breakthroughs. This year, I can confidently say I transitioned from believing that I was “just a slow runner, running solely for fun” (my protection from failure) to knowing that I’m making serious gains by saying fuck off to negative, self-limiting beliefs about my body and mind’s capabilities. I also made the game-changing adjustment from being results-oriented to process-oriented. Yes, it’s an ongoing adjustment, but serious progress was made! Nothing makes me as proud as this and I can’t thank my coach and Lifelong Endurance enough for all they’ve helped me achieve so far!

Here are some highlights of the year of running, and what I learned from it all. Some of this is great, some not so much, but it ALL contributed to growth. People say to be patient, which is so annoying, but it’s true and worth it! I look to seeing what happens in 2018.

January

Completed the Dopey Challenge at Disneyworld! I went for the bling, and to run the marathon (my third) on my birthday! I ended up finishing in 4:11, which put me into a position of having run a PR in each marathon so far. I was now officially OBSESSED with finish times! (This is bad). The only marathon I had actually run strong and smart was the first one back in May. The final 10-15K of marathons 2 and 3 were brutal. It would take me about nine months to understand the lesson that: focusing completely on an outcome instead of the process, doesn’t work.

February

Now I was training for the Calgary Marathon, which I have no idea why I signed up for in the first place. I knew nothing about the event or course, which is not a good way to pick out a goal race. The lesson I would come to learn: when gunning for a big goal, pick a course that is supportive of said goal!

March

Double 10K weekend! I was still very intimidated by “running fast”, and shorter races generally require faster running! In the first of the two, I realized that the pace I had been thinking of running on Sunday (the goal race) was a total sand-bag. I ran the Hot Chocolate Run pretty conservatively that Saturday but it got me into a good mindset for the next day. The WestVanRun 10K was the first race ever where my average pace was under 5min/km. 4:59 baby! That was a big breakthrough for me, mostly in the confidence department! I ran that race strong and smart from start to finish. The lesson I learned: don’t set arbitrary limits!

April

Rupert 1/2 Marathon time! At this point, I had only just broken two hours in the half marathon the previous November at the Vancouver Historic Half. Also, I had a slightly negative attitude towards small, local runs in my community. I enjoyed the hype of bigger events and the excitement of runcations. Looking back, I think I also liked how anonymous it was, running in cities that I didn’t live in. I went into the Rupert 1/2 with zero expectations but ended up tucked in behind the two winners for the majority of the race! This was the smartest race I’ve run, up until that point. I finished strong and earned myself a near 7 minute personal best and a silver medal!! (Two golds were awarded to the winners, my friends Jessie and Erin, who crossed the finish line holding hands!) Another confidence booster! The lesson I learned: the race is what you make it. I can do my best any time I decide to. Of course this had me plugging my new PB into all the race calculators to see if I was on track for a sub-4 marathon…I was now fully convinced that I should be able to run sub-4 in Calgary next month. (This is bad).

Shortly after I ran a pretty strong in the end, but poorly paced 10-miler in Seattle. I was a little over-confident from the last race and ran too fast in the beginning, fading significantly after 10k. Still a great race, awesome weekend with my girl Whitney, and a unique distance, too, for us Canadians. Lesson: don’t go out too fast. It always feels good at the start. Don’t.Go.Out.Too.Fast.

May

Calgary. Ugh. Hahaha. I went subconsciously knowing I wasn’t ready for sub-4, but still wishing for it. That doesn’t make sense! My long runs in training were done with the wrong attitude and execution. My obsession with improving and running a “fast time” was unhealthy! Calgary sucked for me. I knew from like 12k in that I was out of my league, with regards to this arbitrary goal. The heat didn’t help, either. It’s okay though, because it’s been a big part of this marathon journey so far! Lesson: goals should be challenging, but realistic and approached with confidence. We can’t do in a race what we haven’t done in training. (Physically, or mentally).

Crystal & I saved each other on this day! So happy to be done.

June

I felt ripped off and dissatisfied after Calgary so I frantically searched for another marathon to run! Stupid Calgary! LOL, just kidding. The Rock’n’Roll Seattle Marathon was three weeks later. I ran the first half with the 4-hour pacers, frantically looking at my watch and dreading failing again. Then, at half-way I had a GI disaster and the rest of the race I ran-walked in a “this is so unfair” head space. I fully admit it, I felt sorry for myself. I wondered why running comes naturally to others, but not me. I wondered if maybe I just wasn’t cut-out to run marathons. At least it was a gorgeous course and my weekend with Marcie was really fun! Finishing a marathon is a feat in itself, but I wasn’t where I wanted to be so I didn’t see it that way. This was destroying me mentally because I was chasing after something that I wasn’t prepared to achieve yet. Lesson: desperately chasing a goal isn’t the way. Build confidence through proper preparation and then stalk it down like a boss.

Let me say, I am so glad Calgary and Seattle happened. 🙂

crying on the inside ahahah

July

I ran easy through July, maintaining a good base but not doing any structured training. I’m proud of myself for this, because I am so goal-oriented that I seem to need a goal race on the calendar all the time and each week planned out! The CIM was on my December calendar, but the training cycle for that would start towards the end of August. Lesson: it’s important to take time to run just because you love it!

August

I ran a humbling 10K in Montreal. I figured that because over five months had gone by since that breakthrough in March, and since I’d been running more and training harder most of the year, that I should be able to run a PR. There’s that should again. I know better than to should all over myself! Suzanne taught me better! It’s not about what we theoretically could do, it’s what we ACTUALLY DO! Anyways, I went out too fast and obsessed over my watch instead of running the race! I was just thinking about the finish time! I still had no idea yet how to be process-oriented! So yeah, I blew up just after 5k and struggled to hold pace for the second half. Oh well, I really did learn a lot from how shitty I felt afterwards from burning out and totally giving up. The lessons I learned that day were: get that ego under control, a big ego is not your friend. And, dont’ go out too fast. I feel like I’ve heard that one before…

September

I ordered a book called The Resilient Runner off Amazon shortly after that bust in Montreal. The book is awesome; simple and to the point, and it helped me focus on training one day at a time. I found some real consistency at this early point in CIM training when discovering how helpful it was to break up each run or workout into pieces to stay focused. I started running paces that I never thought I’d be able to. It felt so good to run “fast” (relative term, I know) and I hammered out each day’s prescribed run, feeling more confident weekly! This book really solidified the lesson to focus on what you’re doing right now, today. It’s really all you can do!

October

This was my month of shit-kicking all the workouts. I truly looked forward to every single run, but especially the tempo runs, interval workouts and even the scary track sessions. Coach Andrew had me run a fit test and it was a huge confidence booster! I held a pace for 20 minutes that, a year ago, I’d have laughed if someone told me I could one day run that pace at all, let alone for 20 whole minutes! Mindset was what made October so magnificent. I was believing in myself hard and making friends with being uncomfortable, learning the lessonthat by staying in the now and welcoming discomfort, really cool shit goes down!!!

November

The scariest long run of EVER was on the schedule – 30K progression-style run. I knew I could do it though, and I did. I had such an improved grasp on pacing by now and ran each 10K at easy, moderate, then up-tempo. WOOO!!! Finally, I felt like I could head out with a plan, and execute it. I was learning how to be in charge! I wrote a post about these feelings here, if you want.

Then, time for a tune-up before CIM: the RUNVAN Fall Classic. I wanted a PR badly, but the course looked challenging from a pacing point of view, so I went in with the goal to do my best and keep a strong mental game. It went well! I pretty much tied the Rupert 1/2 marathon pace, falling just 7 seconds short of a new personal best! I think I ran my fastest finish-kick EVER and really enjoyed treating the day as a dress-rehearsal for my goal race, now three weeks away. There was a point in the Fall Classic where I felt really tired and walked a few steps, two or three times. I was disappointed in this, but it reminded me that if I hadn’t walked, maybe I’d have a new personal record? Maybe! Lesson: shuffling is faster than walking. LOL. We are rarely incapable of running another step, unless collapsed on the ground unconscious.

December

Marathon time. Ready! Now, I knew what it felt like to run strong and at goal pace, even after 2+ hours, because I did it in training! I knew how to start running easy, without thinking about the end. I had mantras. I had rituals. I was super excited about THE PROCESS. This was going to be an adventure, not a frantic struggle from the beginning to try to end up with a specific time on the clock!

I closed off 2017 in the best possible way – by running 42.2km from start to finish, smart and focused. When it was time to think about the final stretch (hint – when I got there) I powered through to the most rewarding experience of my running life. In November, I told Coach Andrew I had a boner (sorry, that’s what I said though) for a time of 03:51. We talked about an A+ perfect-day-ever goal of sub-3:50, but I told him about the 3:51 because it felt attainable yet very challenging, AND because I love math, it would be an exact 20-minute improvement over my personal record at Disney. We knew I was in the range of 3:59-3:49 for sure, unless disaster struck.

I finished in Sacramento with a 03:51:18. A twenty-minute, nine-second personal record! It’s funny because even though I love this SO much, it doesn’t really matter in the end. I ran the whole race, never walked, squished all negative thoughts, fought through the final 5km when it started to get really hard, and finished as strong as I could. I didn’t really think about my finish time until the final mile! Every lesson learned all year came into play at CIM. You can read about the CIM here if you are interested, it’s a fantastic event!

So that was 2017! I’m stoked for whatever 2018 will bring as I continue to work and grow with Coach Andrew and the Lifelong Endurance team. I have some fun races lined up and some SCARY AS SHIT (BUT REALLY AWESOME) GOALS!!! Those will come in another post. Coach Andrew and I are going to lay out some cool adventures, and it might be fun for you to follow along and see how it goes, or even join in on the training and/or racing adventures with us! Stay tuned and Happy New Year to you!!!