Day 5: Gingernuts and Righteous Indignation

I’m sure I must already have mentioned how much I like Sunday. In our house, it’s a real family day. We all pootle about, meeting over a big brunch, watching films, making things, and occasionally sorting out a quarrel or two… 😉

Today was no different. A few weekends ago, our Saturday adventure took us to Craster to visit Dunstanburgh Castle. But it is also, of course, home of the world-renowned Craster Kipper, and we didn’t pass up the opportunity of getting a few for Sunday breakfasts. Sadly, the last of them was consumed with poached eggs last Sunday, but we still had some of their home-cured bacon, so today was different, but equally delicious.

When the youngest of us needed to go down for his nap, the second youngest had got over his bout of righteous indignation, involving a few minutes on the stairs ‘to have a little think about it’, the laundry (including millions of school uniforms) had been hung, rather last-minute, to dry, and the other boys settled down in front of a Sunday film, my opportunity arose. My eldest son had decided to try another recipe (a new and delightful interest of his – last weekend he made churros with chilli chocolate) and was assembling the ingredients for gingernuts. Since my even looking at what he is doing constitutes helping and he is utterly determined to do it alone, taking myself off to meditate seemed like the perfect solution to the urge to stick my nose in and make sure he was okay.

I’m tired today. The end of the week usually takes me that way. And I was concerned I might not be able to make the most of it. But I stumbled across something on my MP3 player that I must have downloaded a long time ago: Jack Kornfield’s Guided Meditation and I decided to give it a go. I have been a fan of Jack Kornfield’s for a long time. His gentle approach is a breath of fresh air, there is nothing in his voice for your mind to snag on, and he talks you through the idea in the simplest terms until you find you have been meditating without actually realising you’d begun…

I’m still tired. But I feel rested and peaceful. And that can’t be a bad thing.

Today has also included a conversation attempting to explain to a child who proclaims not to want affection, though you know very well he does, that resisting it will give people the message that you genuinely don’t want it. And they will stop trying. And then you will wonder why it seems that no one loves you, or gives you affection any more, without realising your central part in it.

It was a much simpler version of the concept that we teach people how to treat us. If they get away with pushing us around, we teach them that it’s okay to push us around. That doesn’t, of course, mean that our protests are guaranteed to be heard or that they will stop trying, but if you don’t want to be pushed around, you need to register the fact. Calmly, without evaluation and without judgment.

Equally, if you want love, don’t push it away.

Self-examination is the only way to determine the role you are playing in your own drama…