Boyfriend vs. Husband

I may sound old fashion here & don't mean to sound crass, but WHY in heavens name would you have a child w/ a man w/ whom you are not married to? I can understand some extreme circumstances, such as, not believing in marriage, or you are engaged & the baby has come first. But, I read some of these posts w/ women whining about how these men, w/ whom they procreated w/, treats you w/ such utter DISRESPECT!!!! Why are you setting an example for your LO that's it's okay to be treated this way? I mean honestly, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!"

I may sound old fashion here & don't mean to sound crass, but WHY in heavens name would you have a child w/ a man w/ whom you are not married to? I can understand some extreme circumstances, such as, not believing in marriage, or you are engaged & the baby has come first. But, I read some of these posts w/ women whining about how these men, w/ whom they procreated w/, treats you w/ such utter DISRESPECT!!!! Why are you setting an example for your LO that's it's okay to be treated this way? I mean honestly, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!"

I've always lurked on this board but never posted.... feel like I must say something...Now I'm going to sound like a b*tch lol... but... why was this post necessary? you don't really know anyone's real situation based on a paragraph long post. plus, there are a lot of posts about HUSBANDS treating their wife with disrespect right along side the posts about boyfriends. Do you think those rings magically make a relationship more worthy than it was before they came into the picture? Is it really your business to worry about who is married and who is not? Especially in this day and age when marriage is essentially a joke anyway. My daughter is 10 months old and I just got engaged to her father. In older posts I would have referred to him as my boyfriend, and would you have passed judgement? Probably. Would you know that we've known each other for 10 years and have been together a long time but have more important things to worry about than jewelery and paperwork? Probably not. I've seen many husbands treat their wives just as terribly, if not worse than, some of the stories I see on this board about boyfriends/girlfriends. And, why would "not believing in marriage" be an extreme circumstance anyway? With divorce rates as high as they are, who is it that actually believes in marriage these days anyway? It seems like a very small percentage of people, in my opinion. I'm sure you're refering to posts about young, unmarried girls with problems that you see an obvious answer to. But there are also posts from married women that have seemingly obvious answers as well. A jerk is a jerk, whether you are married to him/her or not. A relationship problem is a relationship problem whether it's a marriage or just a coupling. What a silly thing to pass judgement about..........

I've always lurked on this board but never posted.... feel like I must say something...Now I'm going to sound like a b*tch lol... but... why was this post necessary? you don't really know anyone's real situation based on a paragraph long post. plus, there are a lot of posts about HUSBANDS treating their wife with disrespect right along side the posts about boyfriends. Do you think those rings magically make a relationship more worthy than it was before they came into the picture? Is it really your business to worry about who is married and who is not? Especially in this day and age when marriage is essentially a joke anyway. My daughter is 10 months old and I just got engaged to her father. In older posts I would have referred to him as my boyfriend, and would you have passed judgement? Probably. Would you know that we've known each other for 10 years and have been together a long time but have more important things to worry about than jewelery and paperwork? Probably not. I've seen many husbands treat their wives just as terribly, if not worse than, some of the stories I see on this board about boyfriends/girlfriends. And, why would "not believing in marriage" be an extreme circumstance anyway? With divorce rates as high as they are, who is it that actually believes in marriage these days anyway? It seems like a very small percentage of people, in my opinion. I'm sure you're refering to posts about young, unmarried girls with problems that you see an obvious answer to. But there are also posts from married women that have seemingly obvious answers as well. A jerk is a jerk, whether you are married to him/her or not. A relationship problem is a relationship problem whether it's a marriage or just a coupling. What a silly thing to pass judgement about..........

My first baby was a product of date rape. I was pregnant with twins but lost her twin at 5 1/2-6 weeks along.

My second baby I was in what I thought was a committed relationship, we were engaged and had a date set. We were stupid and didnt use proper protection. He walked out a week before I found out we were having a baby. I just found out he had cheated on me basically the whole relationship. We broke up when our son was 8 weeks old. havent really talked since.

Not everyone chooses to purposfully have babies with these men. Things happen. We try to make it work for the kids. It has nothing to do with "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"

Also some of us are only used to being treated this way and its all we know. Not saying its a good thing but it is hard to change it when for o long you have been treated like you are worthless. you start to feel like its true and that you have no choice but to deal with it.

My first baby was a product of date rape. I was pregnant with twins but lost her twin at 5 1/2-6 weeks along.

My second baby I was in what I thought was a committed relationship, we were engaged and had a date set. We were stupid and didnt use proper protection. He walked out a week before I found out we were having a baby. I just found out he had cheated on me basically the whole relationship. We broke up when our son was 8 weeks old. havent really talked since.

Not everyone chooses to purposfully have babies with these men. Things happen. We try to make it work for the kids. It has nothing to do with "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"

Also some of us are only used to being treated this way and its all we know. Not saying its a good thing but it is hard to change it when for o long you have been treated like you are worthless. you start to feel like its true and that you have no choice but to deal with it.

I love my babys father, we've been together a while, both pregnancies were planned but I will not marry him. I can love him just as much unmarried. Marriage is a religious thing and we are not but I can assure you we are both very happy and comfortable with our relationship and there's no doubt in either of our minds that it wont last forever. Leaving isnt or ever will be an option for us.

I love my babys father, we've been together a while, both pregnancies were planned but I will not marry him. I can love him just as much unmarried. Marriage is a religious thing and we are not but I can assure you we are both very happy and comfortable with our relationship and there's no doubt in either of our minds that it wont last forever. Leaving isnt or ever will be an option for us.

Layla darling I am about to BLOW YOUR MIND....I got pregnant with my previous child after dating the father for 3 months!!!

I call my man now my husband because we are common-law. We have our fair share of issues and we have a 3 month old baby. We have no intentions of getting legally married anytime soon. I've been married before and neither the cow nor the milk was free in that one and look how it turned out. Women can be treated like garbage by a man, married or not. What kind of example is it to lo to stay in marriage that is unhealthy, as many people do??

To each their own and it's no one else's damn business.

Layla darling I am about to BLOW YOUR MIND....I got pregnant with my previous child after dating the father for 3 months!!!

I call my man now my husband because we are common-law. We have our fair share of issues and we have a 3 month old baby. We have no intentions of getting legally married anytime soon. I've been married before and neither the cow nor the milk was free in that one and look how it turned out. Women can be treated like garbage by a man, married or not. What kind of example is it to lo to stay in marriage that is unhealthy, as many people do??

WOW! I'm pretty sure my friends that are married complain more about their lovely husbands then I do about my boyfriend. For example my married friend and I met some ppl for dinner. As we go to leave she realized we were locked out of her car. Of course she calls her hubby to see what she should do. He tells her "I dont know figure it out yourself!" Therefore I called my boyfriend and he came to our rescue. So obviously you dont have to be married to be treated right and marriage doesnt guarantee you will be treated properly. Its not that I'm totally against marriage, but I also wont go into debt to have the wedding I want and deserve. We live together he takes care of us in all ways possible. So who the hell cares if we dont have a piece of paper saying we are legally bonded.

WOW! I'm pretty sure my friends that are married complain more about their lovely husbands then I do about my boyfriend. For example my married friend and I met some ppl for dinner. As we go to leave she realized we were locked out of her car. Of course she calls her hubby to see what she should do. He tells her "I dont know figure it out yourself!" Therefore I called my boyfriend and he came to our rescue. So obviously you dont have to be married to be treated right and marriage doesnt guarantee you will be treated properly. Its not that I'm totally against marriage, but I also wont go into debt to have the wedding I want and deserve. We live together he takes care of us in all ways possible. So who the hell cares if we dont have a piece of paper saying we are legally bonded.

WOW! I'm pretty sure my friends that are married complain more about their lovely husbands then I do about my boyfriend. For example my married friend and I met some ppl for dinner. As we go to leave she realized we were locked out of her car. Of course she calls her hubby to see what she should do. He tells her "I dont know figure it out yourself!" Therefore I called my boyfriend and he came to our rescue. So obviously you dont have to be married to be treated right and marriage doesnt guarantee you will be treated properly. Its not that I'm totally against marriage, but I also wont go into debt to have the wedding I want and deserve. We live together he takes care of us in all ways possible. So who the hell cares if we dont have a piece of paper saying we are legally bonded.

WOW! I'm pretty sure my friends that are married complain more about their lovely husbands then I do about my boyfriend. For example my married friend and I met some ppl for dinner. As we go to leave she realized we were locked out of her car. Of course she calls her hubby to see what she should do. He tells her "I dont know figure it out yourself!" Therefore I called my boyfriend and he came to our rescue. So obviously you dont have to be married to be treated right and marriage doesnt guarantee you will be treated properly. Its not that I'm totally against marriage, but I also wont go into debt to have the wedding I want and deserve. We live together he takes care of us in all ways possible. So who the hell cares if we dont have a piece of paper saying we are legally bonded.

While I am pretty old fashioned (mainly because I am just plain old), I think you bare totally off base. Being married doesn't make you a good spouse or parent. I'm pretty sure all these guys would be just as bad if they married the women first. Do I think things would be better if people stayed in a committed monogamous relationship while living together so therebare no surprises once the baby comes, I don't think a ring is the panacea you make it out to be. (and I'm not implying you need to be in a longterm relationship to make the baby thing work, just that it would help).

While I am pretty old fashioned (mainly because I am just plain old), I think you bare totally off base. Being married doesn't make you a good spouse or parent. I'm pretty sure all these guys would be just as bad if they married the women first. Do I think things would be better if people stayed in a committed monogamous relationship while living together so therebare no surprises once the baby comes, I don't think a ring is the panacea you make it out to be. (and I'm not implying you need to be in a longterm relationship to make the baby thing work, just that it would help).

Quote: "Do you think those rings magically make a relationship more worthy than it was before they came into the picture?"I agree, albeit 99.9%.I'm sure there are a few men who feel like they have to try to work problems out if married rather than just walk, although knowing that your OH is pregnant would do the sane for some guys if not married too.OP: I think I understand what you were trying to get at, and it's about couples that rush-in to having a child, or after some time hoping a child will change a bad situation to good... Marriage is not really a factor these days for the majority of people...

Quote: "Do you think those rings magically make a relationship more worthy than it was before they came into the picture?"I agree, albeit 99.9%.I'm sure there are a few men who feel like they have to try to work problems out if married rather than just walk, although knowing that your OH is pregnant would do the sane for some guys if not married too.OP: I think I understand what you were trying to get at, and it's about couples that rush-in to having a child, or after some time hoping a child will change a bad situation to good... Marriage is not really a factor these days for the majority of people...

I understand, Chick_Hicks. I don't think a ring magically changes everything. I do feel that marriage is a sworn commitment, that gives a man & a women security, shared responsibilities & trust in a relationship.

I understand, Chick_Hicks. I don't think a ring magically changes everything. I do feel that marriage is a sworn commitment, that gives a man & a women security, shared responsibilities & trust in a relationship.

Not everyone feels the same way about marriage though, nor even having children.For some people it's just "what you do" and means less than it would appear to do to you.Not bring married is not the big problem though IMHO, a lot if the bad things would still be happening in relationships/families even if married because it's mire about the people themselves as opposed to an expected and forced situation.

Not everyone feels the same way about marriage though, nor even having children.For some people it's just "what you do" and means less than it would appear to do to you.Not bring married is not the big problem though IMHO, a lot if the bad things would still be happening in relationships/families even if married because it's mire about the people themselves as opposed to an expected and forced situation.

no, I'm certainly not bitter about anything going on in my life. I couldn't be happier. I've never posted on this board because it seems like a place where people come to vent about their relationship problems, and I have nothing to vent about. My fiance and I work on our issues (which there are very few of) and work out our disagreements (which are few and far between). I may have sounded upset because I couldn't understand why someone would come on a board where people are trying to get advice about what they are going through and start a post that is essentially bashing these people for not being married. Marriage is not a cure all solution for any problem. You don't have to be married to have a child. And you don't need to come onto a board where people are having relationship issues and make them feel worse by telling them they are wrong to have a beautiful child growing inside of them because they aren't married to the jerk that made them come here in the first place. It just didn't seem necessary to me.

no, I'm certainly not bitter about anything going on in my life. I couldn't be happier. I've never posted on this board because it seems like a place where people come to vent about their relationship problems, and I have nothing to vent about. My fiance and I work on our issues (which there are very few of) and work out our disagreements (which are few and far between). I may have sounded upset because I couldn't understand why someone would come on a board where people are trying to get advice about what they are going through and start a post that is essentially bashing these people for not being married. Marriage is not a cure all solution for any problem. You don't have to be married to have a child. And you don't need to come onto a board where people are having relationship issues and make them feel worse by telling them they are wrong to have a beautiful child growing inside of them because they aren't married to the jerk that made them come here in the first place. It just didn't seem necessary to me.

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