FASHION: Dressing for Men– Not an Old Wives’ Tale

YOU CAN INSIST you dress “for yourself” ’til your belly is filled with content. We all know that little adage is not and has never been true. If I dressed for myself, I would leave my house rolled up in my comforter (and nothing but) and go to work as such. Let’s face it–we dress for others, be it to impress our bosses, slightly outshine our girlfriends at chic brunches, or win over those Prince Charming’s we’re hoping to meet tonight at Provocateur (or insert some other cool Meatpacking/Williamsburg spot I’ve stopped attending since turning 23).

Dressing for others inherently entails a degree (a severe degree, for those with anxiety issues like myself) of pressure for the wearer. BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO. *gasp* Taking the pressure out of the equation dressing for any occasion is following a set of 4 simple rules, which I abide by after years and years of trial-and-error.

Gentlemen, #LazyGirlChic is, henceforth, here for you, too.

DRESSING FOR DATE NIGHT

Far, far, far be it from me to dish out dating advice to any woman, man, or gender of any species, but I have gathered some helpful tips from the (opinionated) men I have dated on the myriad clothing ensembles I have thrown together for both our successful and unsuccessful dates:

RULE 1 — BLACK BLACK BLACK:

Good enough for PRINCESS Grace Kelly, BLACK is good enough for any date.

Don’t overthink your date night outfit color-wise. Your heterosexual male date wants to see you in black and black only. I don’t care if you look good in navy blue or burgundy red–unless you want to take hours mixing and matching, Black Anything will impose an impression upon your date and take mere minutes to pair with the right accessories. Whether it is a Little Black Dress (commonly known to all ladies as a LBD, male readers) or a black-on-black top-and-skirt/pant/legging combo, black is a no-brainer and easy to transform from Morticia Addams to Audrey Hepburn with virtually any accessory at your disposal. Watch:

“FAR, FAR, FAR BE IT FROM ME TO DISH OUT DATING ADVICE TO ANY WOMAN, MAN, OR GENDER OF ANY SPECIES, BUT I HAVE GATHERED SOME HELPFUL TIPS FROM THE (OPINIONATED) MEN I HAVE DATED.”

Me, creating my own LBD from a loose studded tank and zip-up miniskirt (Boyfriend at the time loved it)

RULE 2 — LESS JEWELRY, THE BETTER:

The men I have dated have all, at various points during the date, ran their fingers casually over my various layered necklaces (and layered bracelets and rings) in a completely non-sexual manner as if to to hint that PLEASE NEVER WEAR THIS MUCH JEWELRY AGAIN. Now, don’t NOT wear jewelry:

Jules Smith – Set of Three Curved Bar Stacking Rings, courtesy of Barney’s Warehouse, ON SALE FOR $59!

RULE 3 — LET’S TALK ABOUT SHOES:

The topic of shoes for Date Night is more important than one might originally anticipate. Most men don’t know a stiletto from a wedge, but their brains are capable of registering what signals you’re signaling based on the height of your shoe’s heel.

Side rule: ALWAYS, if you can, go with a nude color palette when it comes to shoes worn with black. Elongates the legs like whoa.

Most importantly, Do NOT take your date’s height into consideration. At all. A tall man won’t care if you can match his stature and a shorter man worth your time (and his manhood) should only be turned on if you tower over him in your chic-as-hell heels.

RULE 4 — MAKEUP:

Guys WANT you in makeup. “I like natural beauties.” What they’re really saying is, “I like a girl who doesn’t look badly made-up.” They want to show their date off wherever you two end up. So if you decide to go au naturel and it looks something like this, nope. Go back. Put a lip on and a LOT of concealer on.