Today's a new day... Day 28

When I went home last night, my husband was actually on the couch sleep.He had the fireplace on.He said he started it for me because it was windy outside so he knew I’d be cold (I’m always cold).So I grabbed my bible and a blanket and slept in front of the fireplace.He kept the fire going for me over the night.Early in the morning when the fire went out, he put my heating blanket on me from the bedroom.I got up for a little while and turned on the Christian radio station.I fell back asleep then was awaken by what are you willing to renew your determination?... Then they started talking about the Love Dare.My heart started beating so fast.I mean they often talk about marriage but this is the first I’ve heard the mention of the Love Dare.And the caller said she was told to not give up doing the dare and that she had a renewal of determination for her marriage.Almost immediately I opened my book and read today’s dare. It’s about making a sacrifice to meet a need.I know my husband’s account is grossly overdrawn and I wish I could do this for him.However I don’t have the funds to take care of it just yet.I have been taking up the bulk of the bills since he lost his full time job.I don’t know what else I could do so I am brainstorming now.I may help him fix something on his car but then again I don’t know if that’s his need.I want to do something that just involves him and not the house (I want to take all the selfishness out of the act and let it be a true sacrifice. But I am lost)

I read 1Samual last night and the story about Saul and I saw myself being Saul (and that was bad).I heard myself saying, “But Lord”… “I believe that you are faithful, but Lord” I know you want me to totally rely on you, but Lord…”I need to fix my attitude.Glory to God… Satan you will not win.My enemy will come at me one way but flee from me in seven! Glory to God!

I’m still confused as far as what I am going to do for him which sacrifice I am going to make. Right now for hi stressors are all financial. We were going to split the mortgage this month so I thought about just paying it, but it is a part of me that feel as if it isn’t really a sacrifice because I have to live in the house so, hmm I’m puzzled with this one. I do know he has a spritiual need but there isn’t anything I can do about that but pray for him.

FYI I bought a book about spiritual warfare called Satan, you can’t have my marriage written by Iris Delgado…

remember, that need does not have to be financial... It could be as simple as doing something that you would not normally do.

I remember mine was to go shopping. I mean she always did the shopping and would want me to go. I wouldnt or if I did, we went in got what we were there for and left. I started to go, and I never had a comment about leaving.

And I have to point one other very important thing out.

You will never be able to have oneness in marriage as God intended, when everything is separate. His money and your money, his account and your account. etc...

I was always told to have my own. If we decided to reconcile (which at this moment he doesn’t want to) will it be okay if we had “ours” as well as our own, or is that the same thing? For the dare I decided to listen. When he wanted to talk this morning I only gave feedback when asked…

Am I living in some kind of fantasy world to have hope for our relationship when he keep making it clear he doesn’t want it? I’m feeling a little crazy and starting to doubt again… when will these cycles stop?

You have to think about oneness. If everything is separate then you can never have it. I am not saying I do not have a separate account, but it is more for business things. And it was at my wifes request it be separate. But when I brought this up, it was about how you described everyting was separate.