Friday, July 13, 2007

There has been an ongoing trend amongst the Hollywood Glitterati to start reading. While I applaud them in their efforts to actually be something other than coke-addled party machines, I have to ask them fundamental questions about the nature of their reading.

I'll deal with the one I actually don't want to talk about first. This one is Heidi Montag. If you are asking who she is, I was with you until TMZ started covering her incessantly, as she got new boobs and wanted everyone to pretend like they gave a shit. She was photographed in LAX with a copy of The Art of War, the classic military treatise by Sun Tzu. Seeing as she is a Hollywood celebrity who is most likely not going to be leading a rebellion or fighting the advances of an imperalist force, I fail to see what the usefulness of her reading this book actually is. She's not a political science major. She is not planning to fight a series of battles with her militia. If she needs tips on how to be a better businesswoman, she should read How to Win Friends and Influence People, a book for this very purpose. Plus, look at the photo in the link. Who holds a book like that?! If I held a book like that, it would fall out of my hand. This chick is clearly trying to say that she is more substance than The Hills would let on. If this is the case, she should talk like it instead of posing. I can't say anymore than this because that would then assume that I would care about this girl, and I really don't.

While Heidi is posing with her book, Lindsay Lohan is namechecking the bible of realpolitik: Machiavelli's The Prince. Lohan claims this book has influenced her immensely in her own life post-rehab. If you are unaware, The Prince's primary objective is to use all means available to you to keep power and dominate your competition. This does include the abandonment of all moral, ethical, and ideological considerations. The concept of realpolitik, as this idea has come to be known in modern times, is not the best one for a recovering alcoholic and cokehead to adopt, especially in the post-rehab stage. Even if it is a satire, I'm not sure that La Lohan's smart enough to pick up on these undercurrents.

If you are wondering what my overall point is, I'm happy to tell you. My point is that these celebutantes, if you want to use the word for Montag, are doing a really bad job of being literate. They are reading overly technical books on subjects that aren't particularly relevant to their situations in life. Additionally, the two celebutantes are read the wrong books for their possibly intended goals of ruling the world. All they need to do is read The Greatness Guide and Montag and Lohan could then rule the world.