Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Today is my birthday. It's been a fabulous day - more than words can describe. I've prayed earnestly for the last two days - and I experienced a miracle today. My birthday miracle. Something that I've prayed for - but never expected to happen in quite this way. God always answers prayer in such a way that astounds you. I think it's really awesome how He gives us exactly what we need, the way that we need it. I was with my friend today as Hastings, scoping out used books at the bargain price of $2.99. Of course I'm in the spiritual section - looking through the grace books - and some of Joseph Prince's writings. Well, an older lady walked up and remarked that Joseph's work and ministry was wonderful - and I had to tell her about my church. We shared a bit about grace - and I noticed she was shaking. As we conversed further I asked her if she knew about Sarah Young's book 'Jesus Calling'. She said that she hadn't heard of it - so I showed it too her and told her that it was just like Jesus Himself were talking to you. She picked up the book and tried to read it, I suggested to read today's reading - June 21. She was visibly having difficulty so I ask her if I might read it to her and she was elated. So I read it to her and the tears began to fall. She grasp my arm, and told me that she was recently widowed, and that her pain was so great. I hugged her and prayed for her right on the spot. She wept. After awhile, she was able to speak again and looked me in the eye and told me that I had the eyes of Jesus. She told me that she knew that I was anointed when she first laid eyes upon me. Now, I wouldn't think that this was a shock, it wasn't that kind of feeling, it was more humbling. I thanked her and was in awe of the present moment. We talked more. I spoke to her about grief and it's affects - and she seemed to understand and relate with what I was telling her. She became tearful again, and I prayed for her again. It was surreal. I was of course, elated. I felt as if I were walking on air. I know that there is much from the conversation that I do not recall, for I know that the Lord was speaking for me. I'd prayed very diligently for two days, this is the interesting part, about a totally different issue. I'd asked the Lord to speak for me in another situation that I was struggling with. I'd cried and prayed about something else that was really weighing on my heart. I'd prayed and praised God, and believed that things would take care of themselves. I'm still struggling. I'm in an intolerable situation that's not over yet -- but I sure had a glimmer of (huge) hope. So, God gave me a miracle in Hastings. He was with me, spoke for me and He spoke to me this morning. God is truly at work in my life. He showed up in that sweet lady with the aching heart (whom I continue to pray for) - and told me what is in me. What a precious gift! Now, what I have to do is continue to align my heart with the heart of God - but not out of a sense of "trying to please God" or out of "works" for I will not attempt "dead-works". Christ paid it all at Calvary. I don't have to do anything out of a sense of obligation - but out of the heart of God in rest, and peace and completion. I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, and I don't have to work for my salvation, my salvation is secure in Christ. However -- out of a place of rest, there are things that I need to clean up in my spirit. My humanness needs purging. That's all. As a new creation, my walk with Christ has to come first in every area of my life. I wish I could remember the scripture that the Lord spoke to me this morning.... I've got feelers out for it.... Christ is indescribable. Life with him at the center, in your heart, with the word of God as a lamp to our feet - makes life so worthwhile. People can say what they want to about the Bible, it is not religion. It is a picture of Jesus. Read it, engulf is, live by it, take it into your being. You can't go wrong. God doesn't lie, His promises are the only true thing in this world. It's a living word as much today as it was thousands of years ago - if you but let the holy spirit speak to you. It's precious. What book on earth do you know of that gives you answers, miracles, direction, a way of living, love, joy, peace unspeakable, never lies to you, and guides your path? I dare not know one. Not all of those things. God's not mad, He never was - He loves you beyond your comprehension. Your job? Just love Him back with all your heart, your mind, and your soul. I'm His daughter, in His blood line. It's time I started living like the Princess that the Lord knows that I am. How wonderfully clean, honorable, and free that feels. Pristine. That's what God spoke to me this morning. Not perfection, that's not attainable, but with the heart and mind of Jesus. And why wouldn't I? He is the author and the finisher of my faith. I owe everything to Him, Christ in me - the Hope of glory. Again, I say indescribable!!!! Philippians 2:13-15 "Brethren I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you." Amen.

"He placed the stars in the sky and He knows them by name!!!!" How can we not worship Him? Grace and Peace to you.... the journey continues..... Gina

Saturday, June 14, 2014

My life for all intensive purposes seems to be falling apart. Every choice that I make, or at least it seems - keeps turning up to be a wrong turn. I'm to the point where I no longer seem to have the answers, and for an answer finding kind of person -- this is devastating. I measure depression like a water level on the body. Most times I have the coping skills to make the water recede. These days, it's just not working. I've tried all of my resources - but even my most trusted resource has failed me. I really am uncertain as to what to do at this juncture of my life. It feels like the level of the water is at my throat - and encroaching my mouth and nose. I feel as if I'm barely breathing. I literally do not know what to do. Each and every choice that I could make brings more consequences, or more pain - physically, emotionally and mentally. I feel absolutely stuck. Stuck in a mire of muck and I cannot even cry. If I cannot cry I cannot heal. Sometimes we don't understand why things happen in life. This is seriously one of those times in my life. Yet again, I've made decisions that have brought me here to one degree or another. I had a bit of help, but I'm not into the blame game. Ultimately, I am going to be the one that's going to have to get myself out of this mess. I've created it, I've got to fix it. Of course not withstanding - God and I. I'm not in this alone, even though it sure feels like it right now. I know that God can take this mess and make a miracle. I've seen it happen. And so it did. The light is flickering through. My circumstances at this point are still the same, but I had a shining light - and it began with a new friend. She's everything that I could have hoped for in a human - and then some. God knew - and he set her in my path. I'm humbled, honored, and my hope is restored. For the first time, I have a friend who's heart is as big as mine - and it feels absolutely amazing. What glorious gift from God. She's opened up her life to me, and for me and I am humbled at her trust. I will not forsake it. I will treasure it like the gift that it is. We've found an apartment that is more suitable (and livable) than the one that I have now. It's downright adorable. We've dug up tree's and replanted. I've planted flowers. We've watched birds, and gloriously held our breath as humming birds drank nectar. All of the things that I love to do - we share. It's almost like a kinship. It's restored my faith in mankind. I've felt the love of God through her. I so needed that. So the transformation begins. I can't wait to see what's on the other side. I believe today. As much as I've been through, and know that it's not over yet.... there is still hard work coming - it will all be okay. It will be better than okay. It will be a joy with the hope back in my heart. My soul can sing again. Hope has been restored. I'd prayed - even when I could not pray -- I'd just ask the Lord to listen to what my heart was saying that I couldn't utter. Sometimes I'd just speak Jesus's name, it was all that I could do. He knows my heart like no other, and knows exactly what I need. From out of no where, the beautiful human emerged. A human with a heart pure and true. Her presence has taught me to laugh again, to see awe again. To witness the wonder and inspiration of life. When we close doors to the past, and accept that there's healing that needs to be done - new doors open. In my case they swung open with vivid intent. The storm was awful, but just on the other side of the clouds my answer awaited. It's all about trusting God's precious timing. Being still and KNOWING the He is God. He is a God of the possible - even when there seems to be no way out. I think God must love these opportunities to bless us, and it is in that surprise that the true value of life flows. I don't have everything I need, nor do I have many of the things that I might want. Even circumstances are less than favorable. Yet I've been given a candle to light my path. Illumination is such a precious gift. Just when it looks like your about to be unable to escape the rise of the waters of depression. Hold on. Change is coming. Trust it. Trust your process, and embrace your path. If we but have faith - and continue to move forward -- even when we think that we cannot believe, we must. We must step out into faith. We must keep striving for the goodness in life that we know exists. The bottom line is: God answers prayer --- Even when we can't pray..... I'm a living, breathing example. We do not know how He will answer, but that is not up to us. Therein lies the beauty. The magnificence of it. When you begin to believe in miracles, you begin to see them at work in your life. Sometimes a miracle can be merely a change in your perception/thinking. And sometimes there the big ones. It depends on what you need, for God supplies our need - and He sustains us. I'd lost sight of that. That was devastating for me. God knew.

I forget. I forget that Jesus is sitting at the end of my life and He sees it in it's entirety. I, being human, get stuck on the bumps. I get devastated by the bumps. In all His compassion and loving care gives me gifts to ease my way. He gave me a precious gift in my new friend. She's a keeper. I praise the Father. My eyes are open again. The blinders of pain have been removed. I love it when depression rises and gives way to loving life again. Beautiful.. Simply beautiful. Praise God for answered prayer.