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Friday, May 4, 2012

Coming Out: Pros And Cons

I’m sitting out on the porch swing.
To the West I see a beautiful mountain, and to the East I see a miniature golf
course and other play equipment. Last Sunday I moved up to my job, and in the
mountains I will stay for the summer. I’ve worked here for a year now. And every
day I keep thinking it wasn’t like this last summer. Last summer I hated the
idea of spending four months away from my friends. I hated the idea of meeting
new people. I might have even hated the idea of cleaning toilets but I’ve never
been one to look down at a job. This year is different. I found myself speeding
up the mountain to get to see all my old friends and make new ones. I’m smiling
so much more now. It’s just different. I’m different.

Last year I finally allowed
myself to be free. I finally opened up told the world how I feel. And I was
okay with it. Not everybody was okay with it but I was finally able to be proud
of me, if for nothing else then simply being honest with myself.

I’m more confident. I love
myself. I’m proud of myself. Sure it’s not easy all the time. I guess what I’m
trying to say is that it gets better.

To my fellow blogger. I’m so
sorry that your parents aren’t as open as you would like them to be. I don’t
know how that feels entirely. The only thing I have to base it off of is my
best friend not accepting me. But what is a best friend compared to your
parents? So I thought of my pain and times that by ten to try to think of yours…
All I can say is I’m so sorry. I hope you hold on. I know it gets better.
Coming out was the best thing I ever did. I know I love you and love reading
about your life and I’m sure all the other bloggers can say the same.

The only advice I have to anyone
is to just take life one day at a time. Every time I was suicidal I would try
to just go to bed and hope it was better in the morning. After 365 mornings I
can look back at my life and realize how much better it’s gotten. No it’s not
perfect, but I’m happy with the progress and excited to see where it can lead
to.

Love you all

-Dupree

This song has been stuck in my
head for the past two days. So I don’t know how it relates but I think it
awesome.

3 comments:

Thanks Dupree, your kind words warm my heart. My time working in the mountains gave me many opportunities to sit and ponder and listen. It was wonderful and I hope you enjoy it.

As for this week and coming out... Tough shit, eh. I still feel like I ate a pile of rocks and they're just sitting in the pit of my stomach but, at the same time, I feel at peace knowing that my secret is finally coming to light. Whatever happens with my family I am confident I will emerge stronger and whole-er when all is said and done.

I agree, Dupree. One day at a time is all we can do, because right now is really all we have. Thanks for the great post. And enjoy your time in the mountains...I'm gonna admit, I'm a tiny bit jealous. :)