another sf thread

I feel that things are coming to a close in my story. But first lets get something out of the way: I don't expect anything you say in this thread to be worthwhile. I'm trying to say this in the nicest way possible, since I know all of you have to deal with so many pathetic people on here every day. Also, its not like there's any real weight to push someone to actually care. My motivations are equally suspect. The only excuse to give is that this is the only comfortable place I can give an honest perspective on my situation. I think this is what they call "crying out for help".

Now that I've said that, I don't really want to give the long story. In short, this week I'll go to the woods and find a nice place to lie down and eventually die.

Given I'm already worthless, I can easily reply and know that it won't change my opinion of myself, or your opinion of the replies, so that's all cool. It means I can post and say what I would normally say anyway

Personally I don't find people in general on here 'pathetic'. For whatever reason, each and every single person on here is struggling against something. It doesn't make them, or you pathetic, it makes us all human.

I think its good you posted, especially if it is a cry out for help. The fact you have done that implies that there is some part in you that is still fighting, and its that part you need to listen to.

What do you hope would happen from a cry out for help?

I know that you said you don't want to give the long story, but if you change your mind it might help people understand more about the situation and also maybe say something valuable to you. At the least it might help to vent it all out, so if you change your mind, feel free to post about it.

I didn't mean you guys were useless. I meant everything you say is. And again, I'm trying to say this is the nicest way possible. That sounds crazy, but lets remember, its the internet. I think the heaviness of the topics, combined with the desperation for love and affection on an internet forum can create some really sugar coated superficial talk.

Most of my life has been in this clouded feeling of depression and intense mood. I graduated high school in '08 and 3 months ago I quit my job, which means I'm living back at home. I no longer have insurance, which is unfortunate since I only now realize how important it is that I recieve sort of therapy.The past 3 weeks I've left the house once. I refuse to speak to everyone and won't leave my room unless to eat and go to the bathroom.

From where I stand, if you truly believed we could offer you nothing, then you wouldn't have posted in a forum where you could receive replies. I may be wrong, but I get the feeling your insistance that no-one could say anything of any worth is a defense against potentially not getting anything of any worth. It seems like a protection so that you can't feel let down, yet at the same time you have a small hope that someone may say something of use.

It sounds like you've had a lot of tough time. I too had to move back with my parents and its horrible. It can be so degrading, humiliating and add to your depressive feelings. However, they can be broken out of, if you keep fighting.

Its good you know you need therapy because that is something potentially to work towards. Are there any support groups or anything in your area that you could go to? Because you generally don't need Insurance for those.

From where I stand, if you truly believed we could offer you nothing, then you wouldn't have posted in a forum where you could receive replies. I may be wrong, but I get the feeling your insistance that no-one could say anything of any worth is a defense against potentially not getting anything of any worth. It seems like a protection so that you can't feel let down, yet at the same time you have a small hope that someone may say something of use.

It sounds like you've had a lot of tough time. I too had to move back with my parents and its horrible. It can be so degrading, humiliating and add to your depressive feelings. However, they can be broken out of, if you keep fighting.

Its good you know you need therapy because that is something potentially to work towards. Are there any support groups or anything in your area that you could go to? Because you generally don't need Insurance for those.

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I have a hard time trying to help myself. time is an important thing here. I don't have any rent to pay, so I'll be kicked out soon (the rest of the family is preparing the house to sell anyway). And I'm not so concerned about being degraded as much as my fucked up head that I can't escape.

I have a hard time trying to help myself. time is an important thing here. I don't have any rent to pay, so I'll be kicked out soon (the rest of the family is preparing the house to sell anyway). And I'm not so concerned about being degraded as much as my fucked up head that I can't escape.

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Is it possible to appeal to the better nature of your family and explain to them how things are, and see if they can help you with money, maybe by laying off needing rent this month/week?

Do you have any organisations over there that help people find work or deal with money worries or anything like that?

No, you can't escape your head (which is a shame- and would be a gem if we all could escape ours), however there are ways and things you can do so that you are not in as much difficulty as you are now.

It can definitely be hard to help yourself, especially when you're in a pit of depression. Sometimes though, the hardest things are the things most worth doing and fighting for.

I know you were referring to Sam, but thought that if you could articulate some of the contradictions for us, and how they are in your head, it may help us understand more.

Is it possible to appeal to the better nature of your family and explain to them how things are, and see if they can help you with money, maybe by laying off needing rent this month/week?

Do you have any organisations over there that help people find work or deal with money worries or anything like that?

No, you can't escape your head (which is a shame- and would be a gem if we all could escape ours), however there are ways and things you can do so that you are not in as much difficulty as you are now.

It can definitely be hard to help yourself, especially when you're in a pit of depression. Sometimes though, the hardest things are the things most worth doing and fighting for.

I know you were referring to Sam, but thought that if you could articulate some of the contradictions for us, and how they are in your head, it may help us understand more.

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Well they are selling the house because they can no longer afford it, so money is a big issue right now. Right now they are very pissed pissed at me. And communication is a foreign idea to my family. Yeah there probably are organizations out there to help me with money, but I'm not really interested in really doing anything at all.

I contradicted myself when I started the thread by saying posting here pretty useless, then going on to share my problems.

sam86 said:

im sorry, i didnt mean to upset you. im quite blunt!

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I'm not upset. I'm just being difficult. I appreciate that your here in the first place. I just have hell of a way of showing it. I'm also a very selfish person, so most of the time I'll put my feelings before anyone else's feelings or needs.

I'm guessing you're not in the UK, so I'm not sure if you have a benefit system, but if you do, is that something you could look into so that you could have some money and remove the time pressure factor?

hey sam86 and scum. I'm really sorry for giving you guys a hard time. I've always had problems controlling my emotions. Two days ago, I was on the up, and thought my current episode was behind me. But really, you two were only trying to help and I wasn't taking anyones advice. I'm sorry... and thanks for showing support to a complete stranger.

sometimes our resources are limited but we do care. or at least i do anyway. i've only been on here a couple of weeks but talking to some of the people on here has been very helpful. i don't know how long lasting these friendships will be but sometimes it can be surprising when you do actually make a connection with someone what it can do for you. so please, stick around and keep talking.