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Tag Archives: heels

“It’s official. I’m in midlife crisis. Just went to DSW and bought some hooker heels. I’ve always wanted to learn how to walk in heels. For some reason decided today was the day.”

That was the text sent to my poor friend (who has to endure my daily texts of madness) which started this journey.

I am now convinced that something happens to a woman when she loses her ovaries. At least that’s the new excuse I have for everything. Forced by endometriosis to have a complete hysterectomy at the young age of 37 is not exactly what I had planned. Nonetheless, it’s the catalyst to my current season in life.

Female jock to the core all of my younger and high school years, I was always the tennis shoes and track pants kind of gal. I was well into my mid 20s before I ever went to a nail salon and had my nails done by a professional. Dresses? Pfffft. The only time those were worn was when someone died.

After 37 years of tom-boy-to-the-core attire that covered as much skin as possible due to extreme modesty, the recent loss of ovaries has sent me spiraling into uncharted waters…girly things. With the onslaught of hot flashes that lead to epic mood swings, blue jeans and t-shirts have been traded in for silk, thigh-high summer dresses. Boots and tennis shoes have been traded in for sandals and the ever so cute wedge sandals with heels. Heels…something this chick has never EVER braved conquering, until now.

Just yesterday, while getting my nails done, this intense desire to enter the feminine world and conquer wearing heels struck. We’ve all seen the ladies adorn the dance floor of Dancing with the Stars on heels as thin as toothpicks, and gracefully glide across the floor as if they were dancing on the clouds. “Hooker heels” (as I have always called them) have become my new quest. Just to give you a little insight as to how little I knew, here is a little snip-it of the text conversation with my friend:

Me: “So are stilettos an actual shoe or is that the name for all shoes like that? Instead of hooker heels?”

Friend: “Stilettos are a type of shoe with a super high heel.”

Me: “Ahhhhhh so hooker heel is the swamp slang for stilettos!!!! Gotcha.”

Friend: “YEP!”

Me: “Awesome. I feel educated today.”

Boy am I relieved to learn stilettos and hooker heels are actually the same thing. Stilettos sound so much more lady like after all.

On the way home, I stopped off at the DSW shoe store. The bright letters designating the clearance section was my predetermined destination. I wasn’t about to spend over $100.00 on a pair of shoes I may or may not ever be able to wear. $24 and some odd change later and I was on my way. The shoes? Well let’s just say as soon as they are conquered, my reward to myself will be an actual pair that I can wear in public. The black shoes are covered in what’s basically heart, tear drop, and star jewels that are as fake as a young girls’ jewelry making kit. The heels themselves? A dark, silvery metal color with designs to make them look like dragon scales. The scales earned them a huge smile of approval from my 8 year old son. What can be cooler than being the mom with dragon shoes to an 8 year old? I may break my neck in them, but at least I’m the cool mom now.

That is how this journey begins. With my dragon scale stilettos (no longer hooker heels), I am off on a journey to conquer the heels. If you’ve never conquered the heels, now’s the time…go and buy you a pair and join along. If you are one of those cloud gliding heel wearers…enjoy the laughs and remember the pain. LOL Either way, women of all walks can laugh and enjoy the journey.