The Disengaged Person

Do you know someone who appears disengaged or disconnected from people? Is this person someone you are married to or in a relationship with? Some people go through life disengaged and have a difficult time with connection. Many of the clients I work with have disengaged early on in their lives as a way to cope with their emotional pain. Sadly these people go through the motions of life, but never fully attach to anyone. They avoid feeling emotional pain, but also miss out on the joy and excitement of life. Some are: “living to die, rather than dying to live.” They may have difficulties experiencing and expressing love and may not know what it looks or feels like at all. As I’ve said on many occasions, “emotions connect people,” and keeping emotion inside creates a disconnection and detachment from others. The disengaged person functions fine at work, but not as well in their personal relationships. Some may have grown up in an abusive household or learned that nothing good comes from emotion. Or maybe they saw an overabundance of emotion and vowed to never be like those people. Ultimately, they learned that being emotional, vulnerable, and connected was unsafe, scary, and unpredictable. The disengaged person makes a choice to keep others at arm’s length and control their level of connection. What do you do if you’re married to this person? Can they change and how does it happen? Read next week’s blog to find out more about the solutions to this issue.