Thursday, March 17, 2016

Self-Actualization

I don’t particularly like children. They demand attention and time, they can be
really mean, and some of them seem to be in perpetual motion, which is just too
much for me. I got my degree in
secondary education and initially taught high school because I love the
rebellious attitude, sophomoric delusions, and “who-the-fuck-am-I?”-ness of teenagers. So when I moved to Korea, I was shocked at
how much I LOVED my kids. My elementary
and middle school students were hilarious, insightful, and creative.

I have had the great fortune to stay in contact with a few of
these students over the years; one of them recently got back from a study
abroad semester in China. Before
travelling there, she had told me that she wanted to live with her parents
while going to uni because “Why would I want to clean, cook, and pay
bills?” Now, having lived alone for
three months, she has come back with platinum blonde hair, an effervescent
bounce in her step, and a deep desire to move out. That happened fast! She had several conversations with her
boyfriend while she was gone about how to best make sure that both of their
needs were being met while apart and figuring out how to communicate in a way
that was comfortable for both of them. I
cannot imagine having the emotional maturity or confidence at twenty to have a
single conversation with a partner about making sure my needs were being
met.

The best part of being a teacher, hands down, is watching
young people grow up and into self-actualized humans; seeing them thrive is a
singular experience of joy.

On the same day that I had dinner with the student who went
to China, another former student (who’s currently in her senior year of high
school) got back in contact with me; we met for coffee, along with her twin
brother, whom I’d also taught. They were
suddenly both taller than me and bubbling over with excitement to tell me about
their friends, teachers, and preparations for the test they’ll take later this
year that will decide their entire future.
We talked about movies, politics, friendship, and language, and I was
blown away by their maturity. They’re
applying for universities this year; I started teaching them when they were in
fifth grade. That shit is crazy.

You may be sitting there, thinking: WTF I THOUGHT THIS WAS A
SEX BLOG.

This post exemplifies why I started writing this blog. I am a whole human being – as are all
teachers – and part of being human is being sexual. I date and I have a sex life. A non-monogamous, unmarried, bisexual, kinky
sex life. And I am a caring educator who acts as a mentor – who stays
in touch with her students years after they’re no longer her students. In fact, I stay in touch with their parents because I think children benefit
immensely from parents and teachers working together.

In the past five years, there has been a litany of teachers being
fired for having been an exotic dancer or acting in a porn before becoming a
teacher; for dancing burlesque; and most recently, just for having nude selfies on their phones. All female teachers, by the way. Pretty sure no male teacher has ever been fired for having a dick pic
on his phone – but that’s a rant for another day.

So, yeah – this is mostly a sex blog. But once in a while, I feel the need to drop
a gentle reminder that it’s more than that.
It’s a call to stop shaming (and firing) excellent, hardworking,
enthusiastic, and compassionate teachers for being whole human beings. Teachers are out there in the world sexting,
writing lesson plans, talking dirty with their partners, inspiring curiosity
about scientific concepts and history, hooking up, and putting band-aids on
skinned knees. Just as your accountant
might go home and put in a ball gag after doing your taxes, a preschool teacher
might *gasp* go on a date after singing “Old Macdonald” for the hundredth time.

This blog is anonymous because I could be fired for writing about
my sex life publicly.There’s a part of
me that worries about this all the time.All the time.Teaching is so central to who I am as a
person that the idea of losing my job really freaks me out – but I continue to
write because maybe it will encourage someone to open a dialogue.My kids and my job mean the world to me – but
so does being able to be a self-actualized person like I encourage my kids to
be.

4 comments:

Amen to that! I completely agree with you. People are more than just their profession just as they are more than just their sex lives. I can't tell you how many people have said to me 'but what about your children' when asking me about my blog. I find just the question offensive to be honest but I always reply, writing a sex blog does not have any impact on my ability to be their Mother, apart from maybe it has given me skills I have used to talk openly to them about sex and relationships.

It IS an offensive question. Mother falls within the Sacred Realm of Being wherein you're not supposed to have any other identity, which is bollocks. I think your kids are MUCH better off having a parent who, like you said, teaches them relationship and communication skills that most young people are missing out on because most schools don't have proper SRE. You're having conversations with them that most parents are afraid to have, and that's so valuable.

I absolutely agree; unfortunately, most parents and school boards don't. Because a teacher has influence on young people, there are moral boundaries placed on teachers (or parents, or anyone who works with kids) that aren't placed on people of other professions.