Date: Sun, 06 Oct 2002 16:16:28 -0400
From: Mistak3n Thoughts
Subject: Paint The Darkness (Part 1)
This story contains involves the relationship of two teenage boys, if you
find this offensive or it's illegal for you to be reading this, don't! All
the usual rules apply.
This story is copyrighted by Mistak3n.
Comments are welcome at: mistak3n@hotmail.com
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I sat on the roof staring at the stars. I love being up here, where it
feels like it's just you and the sky. There was no moon tonight so my
attention was fully for the stars. I didn't allow my mind to stay on any
one thing for too long. I didn't want to think tonight, I just wanted to
give myself a break. Unfortunately it wasn't quite summer yet and the
nights grew cold quicker than I would have liked so I decided to go back
inside. I climbed down onto the deck and entered the living room.
When I walked in I saw my best friend Matt laid out on the couch watching
reruns on tv. He's been staying with me while my family's away. He glanced
up at me when he heard the door and smiled. I returned it and sat in the
chair.
"How was the moon? Still there?" He asked. He always asked me this when I
come back from stargazing. I don't think it was ever funny but just
something that had become routine.
"Yep." I picked up his beer off the table and took a drink from it.
"Good!" He said enthusiastically. I laughed to myself.
I hated television. I hardly ever watched it so I picked up my book from
where I'd left it on the floor and began to read. I must of dozed off
because the next thing I heard was my name being whispered. I opened my
eyes slowly, letting them get used to being open again and saw Matt standing
over me. He offered his hand to me to help me up. I took it, still half
asleep. I tried to mumble thanks but I'm sure it came out inaudible and I
knew Matt already knew I appreciated him. I found my way to my room on my
own and fell onto my bed not bothering to get out of my clothes. I don't
know why I was so tired, but I don't sleep a lot, so when I do I don't try
to question it.
I awoke to the sound of Deftones being blared. I groaned at being awakened
but when I saw the time was already almost ten I was thankful. I could
smell pancakes cooking in the kitchen as I went into the bathroom to shower.
The water felt especially good on my face and body. I didn't want to
remove myself from the confines of the shower, but I had to as the water
began to turn cold. I went back into my room, grabbing whatever clothes
were closest to me and pulled them on.
I made my into the kitchen finding Matt at the table eating his pancakes
happily. I pulled water out of the fridge and joined him.
"Sorry I let you sleep late," he said in between bites.
"S'ok," I smiled.
"I figured you were tired though. And I just woke up myself." He grinned.
We were quiet for a while before he asked, "Are you coming with me to the
club tonight?"
"Depends. Is Monica going to be there?" Monica was Matt's girlfriend and
my unspoken yet sworn enemy. We hated each other. I think Matt was aware
and tried to keep us separate. I can't count the number of times I prayed
they'd break up so I'd never have to see her again.
"Nah. I'm thinking of breaking up with her." He said this without looking
at me.
I had a moment of happiness wash over me and had to try not to let it show.
"I thought you'd like that," he laughed a little. "Truth is she's been
getting on my nerves too."
The phone rang interrupting our conversation. I picked it up. "Hello?"
"Hey Jay," I heard, our friend Ethan's voice.
"Hey man, what's up?"
"Not much. I just wanted to know if you wanted to come with me this
afternoon."
"Where?"
"I'm going to get my tragus pierced at Kay's."
"Wicked. I'm there."
"Cool. Come meet me at the train station within the hour."
"Ok."
"Cya."
"Later." I hung up and sat back down at the table with Matt. He looked at
me expectantly. "Was Ethan. We're gonna go to Toronto and get him
pierced."
"Oh cool. What's he getting?"
"Tragus."
"You should get something to." He gave me his sly smile. I knew he was up
to something.
"Like...?" I asked cautiously.
"Like..." Suddenly he laughed and moved his eyes to the table. I was
unsure how to take this. Very uncharacteristic of Matt. I saw him take a
breath and he made eye contact with me once again. "Like rook?"
I stared at him before answering trying to figure out what made him shy
about suggesting rook. "Yeah, maybe I will."
He smiled at me, his full bright smile, himself once again. He picked up
his plate as he got up and placed it in the sink. "Want a ride to the
station?" He offered.
"Hey, Matt, do you want to come with us?" I joined him by the sink and
leaned on the counter. He stepped back from me. He saw I noticed and took
a step forward. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm alright. And yeah, I'd like to go." He sighed loudly. I knew
he was holding something back.
"Okay." I tried to make myself sound extra cheerful but I failed. It was
obvious by our silence.
"Let me just get my wallet," he yelled as he left the kitchen.
I sighed once he'd left and went over things in my head. But before I had a
chance to reach any sort of answer he was calling me to hurry up.
We drove to the train station in silence, allowing music to fill in the lack
of conversation. Matt parked the car and we walked towards the building.
Ethan was sitting on a bench out front reading a book. He glanced up and
saw us, a smile spreading across his face.
"I didn't think you'd be here already!" He said once we'd reached him.
"I didn't think you'd be!" I said returning his smile.
Ethan and I let our eye contact linger. It was weird, but I didn't look
away. Matt seemed to notice and he cleared his throat.
"We should go buy tickets." Matt said interrupting whatever moment Ethan
and I had.
"I'll go buy them," Ethan said. He handed me his book and went inside the
station.
"What was that?" Matt asked me.
"What?" I asked, sitting on the bench. Matt joined me.
"Oh come on, the eye contact!"
I tried to look as if I had no idea what he was talking about but of course
I did. I'd felt it too afterall and there was no way I could ever keep
anything from Matt. To him I'm see through. Matt looked like he wanted to
say more but Ethan came back out.
"Hey I got them and the train's here," he gestured to the tracks behind the
station where a train was pulling in.
Matt and I stood up and we all walked to it. We entered the train and
climbed up to the top. I sat down, Matt beside me, Ethan sat in front of
me. He gave me a secret smile when our eyes met that was so quick I doubted
it had even happened.
The train ride was uneventful. We got to the city and took to the streets
to walk the two blocks to Kay's, the only piercing slash tat studio I trust
with my needs. It's worth the train ride over. We entered the studio, paid
and waited on the leather couches for our names to be called. Matt's arm
rubbed against mine when he sat next to me causing a sensation to rush
through me. I was so surprised that his touch would cause such a reaction
in me that I pulled my arm away from him. He looked at me confused but I
just smiled reassuringly.
"Jay, are you going to the club tonight?" Ethan asked touching my knee. I
glanced at him.
"Yeah. I think Matt and I are going," I looked at Matt for him to confirm
and he nodded. "We're going to celebrate because Matt broke up with
Monica." I smiled a little too much at this and Ethan laughed loudly.
"Finally! The bitch is gone!" Ethan's smile was infectious and soon even
Matt was smiling.
"Hey, now, we're not broken up yet. I still have to do it, tonight before
the club." Matt said.
I was still beyond happy about this break up. I'd always felt a sort of
jealousy for Monica that she'd take away Matt's time from me. He's supposed
to be there for me and hang out with me not her, even if she was his
girlfriend. Not to mention these past few weeks things have started feeling
weird between Matt and I. I've been feeling more aware of his touches, his
smile, his body language than I ever was before. I've never considered
myself straight, but I've never considered myself gay either. And I've
never been with another guy. I believe love can be found in anyone and
that's all that I'm looking for. It doesn't matter if they're male or
female. The scary thing is, I'm beginning to think I've got feelings for
Matt. Who, with the evidence of his past girlfriends would suggest, is
completely straight.
Ethan's name was called. He jumped up and disappeared into the back.
Matt's knee brushed against mine and I felt that sensation again. I glanced
at him and smiled. He smiled back. For the first time in all the years
I've known Matt, I wondered what it would be like to kiss him. He let his
gaze drift to the window behind me and I looked to the floor.
My name was called causing me to leave my thoughts for now and return to
reality. I followed the piercer into the back and into a little room. I
love the feel of being pierced. It's so quick and so addictive. The
piercer made small talk with me as he prepared my ear and the needle, then
just like that, I had a new piercing. I thanked him, and went back into the
waiting room to find Matt. I found him standing with Ethan.
"Looks good," Ethan confirmed looking at my ear.
I smiled at him. "Felt good."
Matt gave me a big smile and nodded. "Perfect."
We decided to go back home and took the next train out of Toronto. Matt and
I returned to my place. I love when my parents go away and having Matt
over. It feels like it's our own place. We lazed around all day, watching
movies and talking until it was time to go to the club. Matt dropped me off
and left me to go find Monica to do some breaking up. As soon as I walked
into the club Ethan ran up to me.
"Jay!" He gave me a big hug.
"Hey." He handed me his beer and I took a drink.
"There are some hot guys here tonight." He commented. I laughed and looked
around. There were a lot of good looking people.
A guy came up behind me, running his hand along my back and smiling
seductively. "Want to dance?" He asked.
"Maybe later." I said. He looked disappointed and turned his attention on
Ethan. Ethan gave me a shrug and went off to dance with the guy. I watched
Ethan dance rather erotically with that guy. I didn't even notice Matt
beside me until he spoke.
"Hey man."
I turned to the sound of Matt's voice. I smiled but it quickly faltered as
I saw the look on his face. Devastation.
"Matt, what's wrong?" I guided him to a corner of the club where we could
sit and talk in relative seclusion.
"I just broke up with her." He looked ready to cry. Matt never cries. I
was unsure how to handle this.
"I'm sorry."
He looked at me for a long time. I could see pain in his eyes and it killed
me. I wanted to take it all away. Even if it meant making things good
between him and Monica again.
"How did she take it?" I asked slowly.
"It doesn't matter, Jay. It really doesn't. I don't care about her."
"Why are you upset then?"
His eyes found mine again and he stared hard. I wanted to look away but I
couldn't.
"I need a beer." He got up and walked to the bar leaving me dumbfounded.
Ethan came up to me, kissing me lightly on the neck. He was very obviously
intoxicated.
"Hey baby."
"Hi Ethan."
He licked at my neck again. "You're so fucking hot, Jay."
I sighed.
"You want me to suck you?" I felt his hand move over the front of my pants.
I pushed him off me.
"Ethan..."
"I know, I know. You're straight." He picked up a beer from the table
beside him and drank it. "Which really sucks for me because I want your
ass."
"You shouldn't do that."
"What?"
"Drink random drinks like that."
"Don't you worry yourself about me. Where's Matt? I thought I saw him with
you a few minutes ago."
I glanced towards the bar but couldn't see Matt. "Yeah, he went to get a
drink."
"Listen, can I stay at yours tonight? My parents will kill me if I come in
drunk again." He hand was on my knee, gently rubbing it.
"I guess that's alright."
He smiled. "Thanks, Jay. Oh and can I bring a guy with me?"
I laughed. "I guess."
"Shit! I gotta find me a guy!" He jumped up and was immediately engulfed
by the people on the dance floor.
I let my eyes roam over the crowd trying not to make eye contact with the
people I knew. I really didn't feel like making casual conversations
tonight. My mind was just focussed on Matt. Then I saw him coming towards
me holding two cups. He handed one to me.
"Just beer." He mumbled, sitting next to me. His arm brushed mine and the
sensations flew.
"Thanks."
"I don't really feel like being here, Jay." He said softly.
I turned to face him. "You wanna go back to mine?"
"Yeah." He closed his eyes. I noticed how beautiful he looked right then.
With the blue light of the club against his skin. His eyes shut with only
his thoughts to paint pictures in the darkness. I wanted to kiss him. I
had to kiss him. I need to drink this beauty.
We decided to walk back to my place. I let Ethan know he could come by
whenever he felt like it. The fresh air felt nice against my face. I
scanned the sky for the moon and when I spotted it, I pointed it out to
Matt. He smiled and commented on his clearness.
"Still there." He chuckled.
"Well the moon's not just going to fall from the sky."
He stopped walking as soon as I said this. I turned to face him.
"What?"
Matt was looking at me with such interest I grew nervous. "Nothing, Jay.
You just, no nothing Jay, nothing. Sorry. Let's go, I'm freezing my ass
off." He rushed past me and I had to run to catch up.
We sat around my living room drinking. Matt was sprawled out on the floor.
I was sitting behind him on the couch. We were watching a movie, but my
attention was completely on Matt. The bottom of his shirt was slightly up
on his back revealing the top of his tattoo on his lower back. I designed
this for him. It was a very very abstracted sun, done in a tribal design.
I felt myself getting very turned on at the site of this. I couldn't
understand why, considering I'd seen it a million times before. He suddenly
turned over onto his back and looked at me. He looked beyond content.
"I've had too many beers tonight, Jay."
I laughed. "Me too."
He got up and walked over to the couch I was sitting on. He sat unusually
close to me. We sat in silence for awhile until I heard him sigh softly. I
got the urge to kiss him again. I felt his leg against mine, and I could
feel his body heat, he was so close to me. I felt his hand on mine and I
glanced down shocked. But he was only trying to take the drink out of my
hand so he could have it. He smirked at me when I wouldn't let go. Once I
realized what he wanted I freed my grip on the drink.
"You know what I`ve always wanted, Jay?"
"What?"
I felt his hand on my leg, softly at first then he began to run it along my
leg harder. I felt myself getting more turned on. Maybe it was the
alcohol. Maybe it was the lust. Either way. I wanted Matt.
He leaned in closer to me and whispered, "You."
I felt his lips touch mine as he held me in the softest most beautiful kiss
I've ever experienced.
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Please send any questions or comments to mistak3n@hotmail.com. :) I also
have another story called In A Moment if you'd like to check it out.