Saturday, May 21, 2011

Let it go Laroo!

I'm nervous.It's me being good at what I do. Get nervous.I'm nervous about our upcoming trip. I know what to expect and I'm still nervous.I can't stop thinking about all the things we need to bring and do before we go and I'm making myself a wreck.I'm over packing and it's ridiculous because we are going to a nude resort and in reality don't need much. But I'm over packing anyways and will still forget to bring shit I need. It's driving me crazy. I'm not sleeping well as of lately because my crazy imaginative mind has taken me to some fantasizing that is quite over the top.That makes me nervous.I worry about if my chair will be taken care of or mistreated at the airports. It's so stressful. I've watch them chuck my chair over a railing before and let it fall on the other side, breaking a wheely bar. I've also seen them drag it bumping along behind them on the tarmack because they were to lame to figure out how to undo the brakes.I worry about the obstacles that I might encounter and it freaks me out. Yeah, I know ...don't worry about what "might not" happen. I do anyway, it's my nature. I worry about how long it will take people to get used to me being in a wheelchair at the resort and stop staring. Wil I be able to hold my head (and boobs) high and just go about my business until the uncomfortable moment is over or will I fold with embarrassment?Can I get passed my body flaws and enjoy myself and just let go? I'm good at putting on the smiley face when needed and then when I get alone (especially in the shower)I break down.It's me, its who I am. Not proud of this but it's the truth. Ok, Ok, Ok......Just get me to the resort, let me settle, find my comfort zone, let go, laugh, be flirty, and let the sex games begin!!