UPDATED 3/5/08 TO REFLECT THE CURRENT TRUTH:I have never endorsed Barack Hussein Obama and have always been a loyal supporter of Hillary Rodham Clinton. As far as I am concerned – and as far as you are concerned – this endorsement is a clear forgery done by the hand of Criminal Vodkov to frame and besmirch me in the eyes of our most merciful Hillary. I also blame Maksim Maksimovich simply because his name sounds funny and I am one who doesn’t like the sound of funny names.

Fellow Comrades and useful idiots of the PCVA

After a long talk over the phone with PCVA Governor Tim Kaine, several attempts on my life and a huge bag of sweaty cash from the Obama campaign orphanage; I can now say with hope and confidence that I do indeed believe, I believe in change, and most importantly I believe in a man named Barack Hussein Obama Hillary Rodham Clinton. With that said it is my wish tonight to share with you all that I have tendered my resignation to the Hillary Clinton campaign Parade of Children Foundation and have joined the Cult of Obama DLC to become one of many drooling supporters who will blindly follow this man over a cliff in the name of hope, change and "yes we can"~It wasn’t an easy choice to leave the woman whose tit I have suckled for so long. No, indeed it was a hard choice and one that took a lot of strength – and a bag of cash – to make that final decision. But I am secure in my decision and feel that I made the right move to leave love Hillary and all of her yummy money. I know I use to be the most stringent of Clinton supporters, even going so far as to sabotage, lie, cheat, steal, and, in some cases, kill for her. But now I have seen the light and that light’s name is Barack Hussein Obama General Electric. And that light, Comrades, has promised us hope and change that we can believe in which is why I must blindly follow Keith Olbermann* and coerce my neighbors, friends, family members and others to donate to his campaign show's slumping ratings. This man – no! – this messiah has come down from Stalinist Utopia to spread his egalitarian wings and deliver us from the worst evil known to progress – personal responsibility The O'Reilly Factor.

Now then, I am not supporting Obama because he is promising hope and change that we can believe in. No, I am supporting Obama because he is promising hope and change that we can believe in. Oh my, I think I just contradicted myself. Oh well, I am a Democrat and therefore allowed to contradict myself without any retribution. In closing, I hope everyone else will agree with me that we must place our full support behind this man now that he has control of the drooling masses clamoring for hope and change that we can believe in. I know many of my Comrades will make the right move like I did and will follow in my footsteps.

I'm stunned Chairman. Once MTE and her machine crushes BHO, what will you do then? Will you flip-flop like non-person K? Will you beg like a scared little girl at her feet whispering, I worshiped you before I stabbed you in the back?I’m very disappointed.

Wait one minute, what am I saying I not suppose to think for myself. I will follow your lead Chairman, even if it means certain doom for us all. I too believe in a man named Barack Hussein Obama. Hope and Change YesWeCan. For the Greater Good™ of all the children.

Your endorsement, is indeed, something I never would have expected Chairman.

I will follow your lead and support Barack Hussein Obama. After Hillary's extremely dissapointing performance this Tuesday, it is time for Hope and Change that we can believe in. We must support this new Democratic messiah who can give us all what we need, a Big Brother government who will care for us from cradle to grave and if we're appreciative, a government job. YesWeCan for the Children™!!!

If I can be of service to our new candidate for POTUS, please let me know what I must do to further the Party's goals.

Remember comrades who was the first to declare support for Mullah Obama! Well, do you remember? Yes, it was I, Kommissar Vodkov!

I was the first one to realize that the Empress was a threat to the Party™ and had to be purged! It was I who braved threats of show trial and the Gulag to move the Party™ forward towards progress and glorious future. It was I who led the Party™ Apparatus towards Hope™ and Change™.

I, Kommissar Vodkov™!

I expect compensation. Order of Lenin, free pass to Pup's Pleasure Palaces forever, unlimited amounts of Stoli Kristal and Commissarka Pinkie as my house maid and cleaning lady until I say otherwise.

I'm stunned Chairman. Once MTE and her machine crushes BHO, what will you do then? Will you flip-flop like non-person K? Will you beg like a scared little girl at her feet whispering, I worshiped you before I stabbed you in the back?I’m very disappointed.

Of course I will! I AM A SPINELESS, MANIPULATIVE DEMOCRAT! My loyalties belong to highest bidder and if Hillary gets the nomination I will deny ever supporting Obama and blame one of you for forging a letter in my name. Then Hillary will select one of you - the peons - to be lined up against the wall and shot to cleanse me of my transgressions. I'm a Superdelegate, Comrades, and therefore immune from any and all responsibility.

I encourage the position of neutrality for all of our sakes. Those who take no sides will be exempt from all bad stuff. This veil of neutrality shall remain until the democrat party chooses a presidential candidate and the republicans choose not McCain.

Its about damn time you joined the Obamist faction, Meow – we knew you couldn’t resist all of that money. This Obama guy is the real deal, folks. I’m hoping he opens an Obamatown where we can all live, work and play under his loving care and guidance. I’m also hoping someone spikes the Kool-Aid and kills off the whole town so I can then go around snatching wallets and purses off the lifeless bodies to help fund my campaign against any would-be Krissy Keefer usurpers – my Congressional seat means a lot to me and my mob connections, mind you.

Now then, who has yet to jump ship and endorse the man of HOPE and CHANGE?

Betty – I know you are trying to remain “neutral” and all this other crap and I am now giving you 24 hours to pick a side before I force you on an expeditionary mission to scale the peaks of MY ASS!

Theocritus – Hillary is your state and therefore you don’t have to choose a side until she is long gone. We really don’t want anything to happen to you.

Laika – I know you can’t resist the empty message of HOPE and CHANGE. Come, Laika! Come join the Dark Side of the Party and fulfill your DESTINY! You know it to be true!

Janet – The Clintons have betrayed you! You would have been the Governor of Florida by now if it weren’t for them! Abandon them, Janet! Leave your cruel masters and join us before it is too late, Janet! JOIN US!

Comrade Otis – Obama will power our rocket ship to Potyomkingrad with HOPE and CHANGE. He will also make Goodspaceguy Nelson a member of his cabinet. Come join us, Otis. Come join CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN!

Red – How can you resist!? How can resist a man that is almost as big a cult personality as the late Lenin!? Obama will be huge! HE IS THE MESSIAH! He has come down from Stalinist Utopia to save us from ourselves! Come to the light, Red! Come to the shining light of Obama and become a drooling member of a movement that will take the nation by storm!

Blogunov – Do as I say. Join us!

RTPF – JOIN US!

Betinov – I have your brain jar and therefore I am telling you to join us or else my hands might slip and your brain jar may or may not hit this marble floor.

JOIN US, COMRADES! FEEL THE POWER OF OBAMA SURGE THROUGH YOUR SHORTS AND UP INTO YOUR FANNY! DO YOU FEEL IT!? THAT IS THE THRUST OF THE NANNY STATE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU! THAT, COMRADES, IS THE POWER OF OBAMA!

Seize the Premier! Seize him now! Force the Kool-Aid down his trap and make a believer out of him, Comrades! I do recall Indiana Jones drinking Kool-Aid in the Temple of Doom which made him a believer – and I’m sure the same will work for our dear Premier!

But now I have seen the light and that light’s name is Barack Hussein Obama.

As you know Chairman, I have always supported Change, and we know who that means. I can well imagine how hard this past week was on you, the hurt that Hillary has caused you. I also support Nancy who has called for the arrest of Hillary. (On the other paw, we need to tread lightly, this is a Clinton after all.) But we must bite the bullet or we may well be buying one soon. But this talk of arresting Hillary? What would that mean to Laika who has been beaming her broadcasts to us all this time? Never mind, he is a Dog, and as we all know, Dogs are innocent. But we need change!

“In my district, the conservative Democrat voters that cast their votein 2002 to nominate me — a pro-life, pro-family, pro-prayer, pro-gunDemocrat — were those same voters who cast their vote for HillaryClinton by a better than three-to-one margin.”

You are most merciful, Kim Jong Il - most merciful indeed. Say, since your dad is dead... err... I mean the eternal President for all eternity, can I enter your country now? Me and your dad had a falling out when I ran off with one of his prized Happy Corps. Volunteers and thus he banned me from vacationing in your fine utopia.

Betinov – I have your brain jar and therefore I am telling you to join us or else my hands might slip and your brain jar may or may not hit this marble floor.

Never. My fluids may leak, my vessel may shatter, but I shall support the glory of the party, the true annointed one, the bearer of the sacred flame of the proletariate, the defender of the downtrodden, the weeping mother to us all, the supreme Nanny ...Hillary! HILLARY! HILLARY! You beloved dark knight might be talking the talk, but only the tireless warrior with the decades of experience in running a nation can see us through to the realization of the Glorious Perfect World of Next Tuesday.

I have always been loyal to the Clintons, Nancy. But now I feel there is more destructive power with Obama at the helm – he is a cult figure now and people will be more willing to surrender their rights to him. Therefore I will boldly surrender to Obama as you all have and can only hope he will choose an AG as cruel and bloodthirsty as I was. Oh my, what was that!? It feels a bit strange! Oh! I can feel it, Nancy! Yes! I can feel the power of HOPE and CHANGE flow through my briefs! Oh! Oh! Ohhhh! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!

Praise Obama! Brother Janet has crossed over and is now a member of CHANGE THAT WE CAN BELIEVE IN. Congratulations, Brother Janet, and please take this Obama lapel pin to wear on your pantsuit for now on.

I haven’t been this happy since I was a coach for the girl’s basketball team. Yes, I have many fond memories of that locker room – many fond memories, indeed. Praise Obama for this wonderful opportunity to cleanse my dark heat with HOPE and CHANGE!

That was disturbing yet very progressive and forward-thinking, Mr. Reno

It is even more disturbing than you may think....for Obama and his followers. You do remember what happened to cult leaders and followers under Mr Reno? It wasn't pretty. On the other paw, she was quite benevolent to another similarly colored young man who had a fear of bedrooms and would not come out of the closet, and she sent him home to be treated and live with his father in the glorious People's State of Cuba. It's a toss up for Obama.

Rush Limbaugh has endorsed B. Hussein Obama as well, comrades. While we all HOPE that BHO can deliver the CHANGE and HOPE that we all HOPE will CHANGE this country into a future North Korea, do we all want to be on the same side as right wing fascist running dog Rush? Rush's reason: BHO says nothing, so anyone can assume that he shares their views.

You know, the Stalinist and the Trotskyist are facing off and one side is going to lose and get purged. Doesn't matter to me because by this time next year, there will be plenty of labor students for the uranium mines re-education center.

I am but a humble servant of The Party and The People and The Party's leader is my leader.

(Now how's that for some Progressive dodge and weave? A bit like non-specific Hope and Change.)

Welcome, Buddy_Lenin! Some comrades here will appreciate your vote for Obama, others will not. However, you need not fear me, because I have remained neutral throughout this entire civil war and will remain so. Despite the threats from Nancy.

So, what have we here? A bit of a revolution inside the revolution da? Well this should be most entertaining! But I must warn my comrades here, my friend Hillary has been in tough spots before, and she came out smelling like crap, but she did come out! Now I have no particular "donkey" in this race, and I am sure that Comrade Obama or the Empress will both be a credit to the cause, but never forget, the Empress is not out yet, and she has a long memory. May the best man win.

This is Vlad's evil twin, Buddy, joining the Glorious Collective. As the white sheep in the family, I must comment pithily on this most crucial of political contests.

Buddy Lenin! Why, I have not seen you since that last purge of the Trotskyites. Marx help me, how I laughed at the way you would put a blank in the first chamber of your gun to see the reaction of some Cossack that needed some People's Justice. How have you been? It is good to see you here at the People's Cube. I trust that you have been issued your People's Shovel and directed to the Karl Marx Re-Education Camp? Not to worry, it is a mere formality for one of your standing. Maybe we will get together some time and talk about the good old days.

You are most merciful, Kim Jong Il - most merciful indeed. Say, since your dad is dead... err... I mean the eternal President for all eternity, can I enter your country now? Me and your dad had a falling out when I ran off with one of his prized Happy Corps. Volunteers and thus he banned me from vacationing in your fine utopia.

I am feeling extra merciful, considering my sacred birthday is coming in a few days. So...I guess I could. BUT, you must provide me with the following:

A. You enitre weeks ration of Vodka. (that should be enough to get me and my men plastered for my b-day)

B. Recent Hollywood releases. (that i can refilm and claim as original DPRK material for my masses.)

It is good to see you here at the People's Cube. I trust that you have been issued your People's Shovel and directed to the Karl Marx Re-Education Camp? Not to worry, it is a mere formality for one of your standing. Maybe we will get together some time and talk about the good old days.

Is is so nice to be welcomed! Yes, we are all life-long re-learners aren't we? The classes at the reeducation camp are going swimmingly, and I can dig a half-mile of trench in a day.

Of course you'll remember some of the things that went on on the collective farm so long ago. Like those times you and Comrade Lysenko would discuss the weather with that old American felllow. Oh, what was his name? Gore, I think it was... yes, that was it. I seem to remember his wanting to establish a legacy for his son.

Of course I remember Comrade Gore! I dare say that it was Comrade Lysenko's methods of dealing with "deniers" that contradicted his progressive work, that influenced the fine work of his son today. The beet doesn't grow far from the shovel da?

Methinks I smell something rotten here. In fact, I catch three distinct whiffs of something so dirty, that I think there might even be a connection to the two missing testicles from the soap dish.

1. So what if these guys had sexual relations with Obama? What happened to a man's private life being his own business and having nothing to do with the job he does as President, yada yada? If Obama were Republican, maybe I could understand this fuss.

2. Why are all these guys wearing red shirts? Apparently, if you wear a red shirt, then you must have done something X-rated with Obama; it's like a scarlet letter. Could this be a conspiracy to mess with the inside of my head, and if so, who's behind it . . . and why?

3. For some reason, I keep thinking of a Rasputin lookalike with a big vodka bottle, and a (ahem) fistful of nuts.

3. For some reason, I keep thinking of a Rasputin lookalike with a big vodka bottle, and a (ahem) fistful of nuts.

VODKOV!!!

Commissarka,

Please don't tell everybody about my plots!

I'm pretty busy at the moment. I have so many plots and operations going on now that I'm having problems keeping track of them all. I'm getting so confused that I'm not even sure anymore who I'm plotting against. I'm pretty sure though that it's for the good of the Party™.

You're plot is to have lots of guys give Obama blow jobs? What kind of plot is that? What is going on inside your sick twisted little mind?

This is just a classic method for intelligence gathering and extortion. We used to do that all the time during the cold war. We would pick a girly looking diplomat, high ranking government employee, politician or an industrialist and have our agents provide them with blow jobs - which we would photograph of course. This works best on closet homos so Comrade Hussein was not a problem. My agent Huma also did a nice job. Unfortunately she demanded double payment after the first time and I had to cough up some serious amount of the People's money for her to continue.

Indeed the beet doesn't fall far from the shovel, Uncle Iosif. Why, it's my considered opinion that the younger Gore's contribution to the Comintern could be the greatest since the establishment of the United Nations!

And with Obama, too? Next Tuesday could prove to be very interesting, da, Comrade?

We would pick a girly looking diplomat, high ranking government employee, politician or an industrialist and have our agents provide them with blow jobs - which we would photograph of course

Either you have done a great deed for the party by acquiring a means to manipulate this Obama, or you have one of the most disgusting peep show/porn rackets I have ever heard of. Whichever it is, the party seems to think you have done well.

You're plot is to have lots of guys give Obama blow jobs? What kind of plot is that? What is going on inside your sick twisted little mind?

This is just a classic method for intelligence gathering and extortion. We used to do that all the time during the cold war. We would pick a girly looking diplomat, high ranking government employee, politician or an industrialist and have our agents provide them with blow jobs - which we would photograph of course. This works best on closet homos so Comrade Hussein was not a problem. My agent Huma also did a nice job. Unfortunately she demanded double payment after the first time and I had to cough up some serious amount of the People's money for her to continue.

Yes Kommissar Vodkov, a classic plan. However, with Obama in particular, your agent has made a tremendous error of judgment by posting this on YouTube! Someone's head must roll for that Kommissar!

Indeed the beet doesn't fall far from the shovel, Uncle Iosif. Why, it's my considered opinion that the younger Gore's contribution to the Comintern could be the greatest since the establishment of the United Nations!

And with Obama, too? Next Tuesday could prove to be very interesting, da, Comrade?

Da, Comrade Gore's work has been a great boon to the cause of World Socialism. I dare say that even when the world enters into an ice age, his work will continue to pay dividends. He really is an exception, to have gone from a non-person after his tragic defeat to to the Bushitler, to being at the forefront of a movement that will indeed surpass the UN in leading the world into the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ is quite remarkable.

Yes, I think it is also clear that next Tuesday will indeed be a boost to Comrade Obama since Hillary has sent that not so useful idiot Bill to campaign for her. But still do not count the Empress out, for Texas and Ohio could present a formidable roadblock to BHO, not to mention her hold on the superdelegates. It is not over by a long shot for the Empress.

Well, Comrade Iosif, here is Tuesday; my beet harvest is in. (southern Siberia: they have a longer growing season). And yet, despite pulling a thousand beets from the nearly-frozen earth, they tell me there is no borscht ration tonite. (Not that I'm complaining about the Peoples Redistribution Scheme, I'm simply making an observation...)

So: who's faux pas will lose the day? Michelle's comments on the bourgeoisie, or the MTE's slipping polls among Hispanic voters in Texas? Truly, we live in interesting times!

Incidentally, someone put a red shirt in my footlocker. What's that all about?

Ah, Comrade Buddy Lenin, I had that red shirt placed in your footlocker. It means that you are free to leave the Karl Marx Re-Education Center, if you choose of course. No doubt you have grown in spirit and enjoyed the chance to toil the soil again, to sweat, to do without, but now it is time to take your place in the Party, and to get back to work collecting contributions, purging enemies, advancing socialism in the way that you do so well.

These are interesting times indeed! Best of all, no matter how it goes in November in the USSA, we WIN! Let me in on a little secret since you may have been out of the loop for a while. While I adore my good friend the Empress, and Obama shows potential, in fact, I would do Kartwheels in the Kremilin should John McCain be elected! Why you ask? Think back a few years, back to the days when the KGB had all the interrogation notes from McCain when he was a POW! Oh, it would be wonderful to have Comrade McCain in the Oval Office! He would be dancing to our tune completely!

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

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