Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and everyday was as long as a life age of death. But it is not the end, I found life in me... again...
!!! Discipline wanteD !!!

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Fine! Eventhough it was IMPOSSIBLE to tell me in person, can’t you at least keep other people closer to you informed? Plus there are people out there who’re concern about you like hell ya know!

So the rumor leaked and chaos bathed your community. Then only you came forward taking the responsibility to clarify what’s going on; you confronted the public and exlained to everybody like a man. So let me write down the chronicle;

And it all happened in 2010

Later half of FebruaryYou felt something wrong with your throat during the rehearsal and went for a clinical examination. So the doctor discovered a polyp there!

April 29thYour band announced a concert at Shibuya C.C Lemon Hall is going to be held this December. And thus they told the fan you’re going to undergo polypectomy in June and you’ll spend a month resting afterwards.

May 5thYou declared on Flumpool LOCKS! ; Flumpool’s corner of the radio program TOKYO FM’s SCHOOL OF LOCK!, you’ll undergo polypectomy.

June 23rdFlumpool released 4th major single entitled ‘Reboot~Akiramenai Uta~/Nagareboshi’ and it reached #2 on Oricon weekly singles chart.

July 7thYou made a comeback after surgery again at Flumpool LOCKS!

August 1stFlumpool performed live for the first time after the return of you aka the vocalist at SETSTOCK 10 held in Hiroshima.

September 29thFlumpool released the 5th major single entitled ‘Kimi ni Todoke’ and it debuted #2 on Oricon weekly singles chart.

Dear Yamamura Ryuta,As to confirmed your voice hasn’t changed a pitch, I compare songs you’ve sang before and after the polypectomy. OMG! It’s true it stays the same.

Monday, November 29, 2010

It was a quiet night. While the cry of a million cicadas broke its silence, I found myself spending the rest of it in front of my lappy googling what polyp is. They say reality is cruel, but who am I to agree for in the same dose I was granted blessings. I know this is going to be hard and deep down though I felt like crying, I kept on telling myself not to because;

1. I’m a big girl now2. Crying won’t change a thing3. For some people they’ll claim this ain’t even worth crying for4. Perhaps sooner or later I too will realize this don’t deserve my tears

PolypA small lump that grows inside the body, especially in the nose, that caused by disease but is usually harmless-Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary 7th Edition-

Really it’s not harmful? Then why on earth should you undergo polypectomy!

You knew it! You knew it, don’t you? All along and you never made it public until that very late February. You claimed you just needed a break. Only the truth is a polyp had actually been discovered in your throat during a check-up. And of all this while you’ve turned into a selfish self-centered person by kept on postponing the operation because you’re busy. Why must you be this innecessary silly when you know the polyp would day by day grow bigger?

That night I can’t even tell, whether it was called concern or upset; perhaps acute anxiety. So I persisted to worry about you as I scrolled down the screen.

This polypectomyIs it anything close to tumor?Could it somehow lead to haemorrhage?What’s the survival percentage?Would it affect your vocal chord?

Would it affect your vocal chord? What if it does? What if it does and I can no longer tell your voice when I heard you from afar?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Has one blissfully charming guy disguised himself into 2 different people at 2 different times? Oh, no he didn’t. It’s just an unspoken non-hegemonic native inborn plot in 2 different circumstances (read: coincidence).

But at first glance, I really thought my current crush and my previous one looked so much alike…

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Recently I chatted with my old schoolmate in virtual life (facebook lerr…) and we talked a lot on our current lives.

He’s taking music in one of the local universities. Since I love music, so we kinda get far on classical music; piano, violin etc. How he too enjoys playing other contemporary instruments; guitar, drum etc, alright, there goes him and his life.

So when I told him I’m currently doing medicine, he claimed that suits me well for he only has the image of me being studious all along back in school.

You’re quite the nerdy type so to speak'

And he started saying how most medical students have no life. Uh-huh like I care, so I let him be.

I don’t know what you think about this, but here’s what I think.

He’s simply trying to imply that all we medical students do is stucking books under our noses 24/7, boring life with no fun.

You can say I try to defend myself saying ‘true the routine is tiring, but it can’t be boring all the time. I have my own way to literally bring me back to life’

‘Really, what is it?’ was all he said

But ladies and gentlemen, let the conversation ends here.

So let’s get to the main point. It’s true that I don’t go to concerts, I don’t join underground gigs, and I’m not that carefree enough to hangout with a bunch of reckless friends having fun till morning. As to answer why, because I love myself more. So I didn’t do this and you call me lifeless? That’s so ‘smart’ of you.

I don’t want to point to anyone, but let me tell this…

Ever heard of the word called death?

‘Death exists, not as the opposite but as a part of life’–Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood-

‘Life is for death’–Zawani Zainudin, Whatever She Wants-

(Ouh sempat wat lawak plak)

So by pushing death to the background as far as possible and living life forgetting the fact that death will anytime invite you is called life…

…is itself lifeless, don’t you think?

Please stop being the world's clowns, because death is laughing at you...

Ps:To whom it may concern,Just like the last email with pic went into spam box, the recent email with the so-called ‘violent content’ went in as well. But don’t worry, already marked as ‘not spam’. Honestly thanks, but what should I do? (winks)

Monday, November 15, 2010

While other bloggers are busy getting all ready and prepared to post a special entry for their so-called historical 100th post, I on the other hand prefer the 99th post. Is it just me or the number 99 really seems cuter? Like one of my blogger friends aka my junior back in school (though we’ve never met for I graduated before he came in), even ‘bribed’ a friend of his for a KFC set to help posting something related to the 100th post.

But nah~ I don’t need that. Now that I’m in my 99th post, like I promised previously I’m going to write about someone special. Anticipating enough?

Ok ladies and gentlemen, I present to you

Ok fine, this is someTWO special, not one lol.

Just nice after I posted something about my experience on HKSBP, FYI people these two fella were my forever debate colleagues back in school. And after 3 years of not hanging out together, yesterday we did!

Syaza Ismail. Diploma holder of Corporate Communication, KLIUC. Currently having her 6 months holidays before persuing to bachelor. Being a student ambassador for the recent GMUN (Global Model United Nation), she suits the corporate world best. And when you’re with her, you don’t trigger her to speak or else you’ll end up listening all day long (sorry Jaja lol)

Alert! Talking-freak aboard!

Sabiq Jalal. Currently doing Medicine in IMU after his A-level. Going to fly off to somewhere not yet known (he said it’s all depend on his final results and JPA) after 2 and a half years. For someone who was always scored perfect straight A’s and always got the lead of 1st rank back in school, Sabiq I believe you’ll do just fine =)

I love it when we’re together, flashing back the old days that’s just so nostalgic. Talking bout the old days, since I’m already on it let me just disclose one or two things.

We the English Debate Team wasn’t a popularly abundant members club. There were too few of us that we even formed a family.

Our beloved and cool trainer, Sir Azlan aka the papa

Jaja the 3rd speaker aka the mummy

Sabiq the 1st speaker aka the along

Zwen the 2nd speaker aka the kak ngah. (Uh this is my blog, you don't need any more pics of me)

Shafiq the apprentice aka the adek. FYI next to Shafiq is Shafiqah. They used to be the most adorable twin of SMSSI until Shafiq moved out and currently studying in SAMURA (Science Muar Academy), younger than me by 3 years, but Shafiqah joined the Malay Debate Team.

Now here’s the surprising part. What if I say I have a twin? Yes, I Zawani Zainudin has a twin brother back in school. Warning, don’t look at the pic if you can’t handle it.

That is Fauzan the apprentice aka the twin brother of kak ngah lol. He’s my junior by 2 years. We look even more alike in person. And so the people back in school always said

‘Fauzan is the male version of Zawani’

Or

‘Zawani is the female version of Fauzan’

Shut up! Whatever guys. The most unforgettable memory when we were practicing debate (as highlighted by Jaja yesterday) was the night before departure to the event. We’ll have the teacher’s room all by ourselves, surfing the net and preparing, on the air-cond to the max, conquering one corner each and start talking to the wall! Lol. This is the only way we could practice alone.

Back to me, Jaja and Sabiq, Let’s check out what book are we currently reading

As I quote Sabiq said ‘Don’t judge a book by its title ok. This is not a literature novel, it’s thriller’

Since Jaja’s going to have a long holiday, she decided to go for Japanese. Yay! Quick learn Jaja dear, so we can converse with each other and left Sabiq even more lost than just us talking bout Jpop and dramas lol.

Ps: I don’t intend to make my 100th post on anything special. Actually there are a lot of things lining up to be posted =). But feel free to shout on my chatbox if you have any request. Not that I’m going to make it come true without a fail, but yeah just let me know any.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

It’s like it’s-the-last-one-i-just-wanted-to-do-it-fast-and-get-over-it-and-go-home kinda feeling. Ever felt that way? When you’re holding on to one thing too long that you nearly gave up, well that’s not quite it – gave up wasn’t the point I’m trying to sell, perhaps just a feeling of fading up a little. Whether we realize it or not, it happens a lot if not as a de novo sentiment, as a cliché phenomenon.

This happened to me copiously when I was a debater back in school, joining the HKSBP (Hari Kecemerlangan Sekolah Berasrama Penuh), a one week tournament gathering a total of 54 boarding schools all over peninsular and the west. With matches almost everyday, I missed hanging out with my debater colleagues and trainer up till 3 in the morning in the quarantine room. We always came with high enthusiasm; the time we stepped off the school bus on the day of registration. Somehow as days passed, with inconsistently winning and losing mathes alternately, often when it comes to the last match if not all, some of us would be so much degraded mentally. Now that’s what I meant, the feeling of you don’t care whether it’s a win or a lose, you just wanted to get it over fast. But of course the formal dinner bit was never disappointing. Me and me bff’s favorite event of the night was to ogle the potential flirting friends of the opposite sex so that we can have free breakfast the next morning before going back; all back to those days when exchanging mails and phone numbers were just a mild crime.

Next is about the exam; what we medical students were destined to live with or even to die with. This recent end semester exam for instance, a week of alternate days’ paper, how we secretly sighed ‘cepat la masa berlalu, tak sabar nak abes nih’ sort of stuff. Am I wrong? Up until the crucial last minutes of exams, we all are struggling physically not to doze off in front of exam paper, emotionally not to get distracted over small unnecessary things, spiritually not to lose hope in ourselves and most important in Him.

So the highlight of today’s entry was on yesterday; the IVG. Inter-Varsities Games held in UKM. Sports tournament organized by AMSA (Asean Medical Students Association). Freshly after coming out from the exam hall and I was proposed to play for the netball team; proposed? More to instructed lol. If you remember my previous post on the Inter-kolej kediaman sports, FYI that was really the last time I played which means a month has passed without me doing any physical training. Sudden urge to go play on court, oh my lord! Usually I get to play defense, but not yesterday, since we’re lack of reserves I was kindly forced to be the Center; yeah the one who does ball passings every after each goals. If I was the defense, I would only run around the 2/3 of the court, but now that I’m the Center my territory widened into ¾ of the court except D region. Despite this tiring and breath-gasping running within zone I was netball-ethically allotted, I figured myself happily running here and there chasing the ball lol. Maybe I should consider to be one next time. And oh, we won 2nd place out of 8 teams.

The 1st game was a tight one, and yes it’s the same IIUM team we met during the finals. The semi-final was heart-pounding too. The game initially went draw; 1-1 after the 14 minutes plays. Then we were dragged to play in extra time. 3 center passes started with UiTM ball possession but we scored 2 points first and thankfully the victory is ours, Alhamdulillah. Went against IIUM, it was the final game. The sun was perpendicular above, my sweat was boiling, my skin was cooked, my heart was near to cardiactomy, with lactic acid accumulated in the lower limbs, like I said, I can’t help but to anticipate the game to over extra soon.

Guarding outside D-region. The left C was me and the right was C from UiTM

To wrap it up, I love this game better than the one I played in Nilai last month because we get to play 7-1-7 minutes plays rather than 5-1-5 (I suppose less). Hey that extra 3 minutes is extra vital Ok.

Alright now let’s go to the side dish. The tug-of-war game! My oh my, this one was so exciting. The tug-of-war team ends up in 3rd place. 3 matches overall but let me draw attention to the most dramatic match; 2nd one. The gentlemen were against the team from UKM. As they were struggling from the onset of the game, we know this is going to be hard. Size-wise yeah maybe it’s the advantage of UKM, but I don’t know whether the Earth too favored UKM lol. It was a less-than-5 minutes matche and the final momentum of UKM team’s tow, we all witnessed a near violence-histrionic fall of USIM team. They fell figuratively and dragged for nearly 2 feets forward and I don’t lie. Oh my god, I still hope their backs are fine. Anyways gentlemen, good job!

Last pose before the dramatic fall

Now allow me to sum up. Hey I’m still in topic people, the last minute fade up stuff we’re talking about earlier.

True as for ordinary human, we can’t run away from getting weary over things. How lame may be the image of holding on till the end, even so we can’t get fade up easily, worst to give up. Life won’t give you a way if you don’t fine one. I don’t know if I’m in the right position to say this but as a dai’e no matter how hard to let people hear you on the right things, no matter how long it takes, just ask Him to give you strength. Because weary heart and soul only lead you to disgrace. Allahu Akbar!

Ps: I was proposed to join the Royal Debate this coming 17-22 DecPss: Happy holidays dear Al-Razians. Take care and see you guys in 3 weeks timePsss: This is the 98th post. The 99th post is going to be about somoene special. Please anticipate

Yep it’s their 4th album. It has been a year and 7 months since they came out with the 3rd album, PUZZLE and it has been since then that I was addicted to the song Half Down by Nishikido Ryo.

This new album features a total of 12 tracks plus 7 tracks of ach member’s solo song.

My favourite track would be ‘Negai’ (wish). Everytime Kanjani 8 lauched their latest album, members I anticipate the most to listen to their solo to are Nishikido Ryo and Yasuda Shota; they both love to write their own lyrics and compose their own music. This time Ryo’s solo is the song called ‘Monologue’, lyrics are as deep and beautiful as usual. Listening to ‘Monologue’ and detailing the lyrics, it renders an atmosphere overwhelmed by dilemma. In the MV, Ryo appeared as a mystifying man who’s battling with himself inside. As for the solo of Yasuda Shota, it’s called ‘TOPOP’. Energetic and catchy enough but I prefer his previous solos like ‘Watashi Kagami’ from Zukkoke Daisassou (the 2nd album) and ‘Airairo’ from PUZZLE (the 3rd album). Other sweet-to-listen-to tracks are ‘Kitto shiawase ga kimi wo matteru’ (Happiness is waiting for you) by Ohkura Tadayoshi and surprisingly ‘Dear’ by Murakami Shingo.

Kanjani 8 4th album, 8 Uppers

Ps: Perhaps lucky to have housemates who don’t mind ‘fangirling’ along with me on Kanjani 8 (credits to Atin and Hawa =P)Pss: Apart from his music, I’m not that all obsess with Ryo honestly (or else Atin’s gonna kill me) lol.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Some people just enjoy being mean, with or without intention. It’s not that hard when you’re a charlatan good-doer. Either way I’m not offended, am I? Or at least I thought I’m not. Unless my conscious and unconscious mind doesn’t synchronize, but then I might be diagnosed having psychotic disorder instead, wrong?

When A said something and B’s offended, was it because A was being mean or B who was over sensitive?

So if I thought my skin is coarse, was it because it is in fact coarse or was it my palm that’s parched?

I neither authorize being mean is right nor wrong. Given proper situation, many could tell if it’s essential.

But people, relax. Nothing happened. This is not me being emotional at all; no heart feelings, no offense, no nothing (all the above reads as pseudoemotional). Just me rambling despite I should study prior to the upcoming exam.

Ps: 80 questions of Ethnic Relation, lord I wanna puke!Pss: To those who finished answering all 80 in less than 1 hour, seriously! Are you guys human?Psss: I love this pic so much I set is as my lollipop wallies =DPssss: The boy is so adorable in that baggy sweaterPsssss: And this pose is damn innocent!

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