The GOP Neckwear at the CNN Debate, Ranked From Best to Worst

Yes, there was a lot of talk about earmarks. But was anybody really able to pay attention to that? Back here in GQ Headquarters, we were focusing good and hard on the neckwear. Stripes, flowers, dots, and a color of purple that previously only existed in the form of satin women's underwear. So who won the debate? Hell if we know. What we can tell you is that not a single man brought his A-game in terms of neckwear last night. And more than one of them should be kept off the ballots until he learns a thing or two about understated colors. Below, GQ ranks the ties of the four remaining candidates—plus John King, for good measure.

1. Rick Santorum

Now we know Santorum reads GQ. Microdots are a thing right now, and that's why he wins the night.

2. John King

Johnny Boy isn't actually running for president, but he was hogging air time all the same. So he's in the mix, and not in a good way. His tie was FOX News-loud and C-Span dull.

3. Mitt Romney

We're pretty sure Mitt owns at least seven shopping malls. Why he couldn't get a decent tie on the house is beyond us.

4. Ron Paul

What are those? Flowers? Crosshairs? Little, tiny, blue Cinnamon Toast Crunches? We're guessing polyester. Which is only less evil than...

5. Newt Gingrich

Satin. Especially when it's purple. Again, we're only guessing on the material here, but it wouldn't surprise us if the Artist Formerly Known As Newt got down with some satin.