Saturday, May 23, 2009

My four month old daughter has found her voice.. when she is not cat napping (naps that consist of 20 minute intervals) she is fake crying or shrieking. yes my 4 month old fake cries. I didn't think that it was even possible! They say babies can't be spoiled... I don't believe it... Kaelyn cries like I left her forever.. is hyperventilating.. when I pick her up "SMILES!" yes I believe that is what you call spoiled..

Don't get me wrong. I love being a stay at home mom but sometimes I just want to freaking poke my eyes out with a fork and pull all my hair out! I try to stay busy to keep my mind off of my stress but, I'm wondering if it is just causing me more stress. Do I ever just sit and do nothing?? Answer? NO. I Can't. Apparently I'm ADD or something. It is impossible for me to take it easy.

I don't have a job.. so what do I do you say?? I play with my kids..I go to stores just to browse.. I go to the YMCA.. spend time with family.. go tanning.. pay bills.. hang out with friends.. but do you ever get those times where you just wish you could be by yourself? I love love love my kids..but I think I forgot how much work 2 kids are. The crazy thing is... I want more kids. I want 2 more kids.. is that crazy?? That would bring the total to 5 births.. will my body keep bouncing back.. not sure!!

I still have another 10 lbs to lose to be happy with myself. People yell and scream at me.. you look fine! You don't need to lose weight.. okay when I sit down and I can't breathe cuz my belly is hanging over my pants...I'm not happy. sorry...

Okay. Point. My daughter is spoiled. I love my kids. I think I'm on the brink of insanity.

Friday, May 22, 2009

The point of my blog today is to talk about the many types of love I have in my life and to thank those who have been, and continue to be, very supportive to me in so many ways!

First off.. My husbandI cannot begin to describe the love that I have for this man. He is my better half, my support, the love of my life and my best friend. I met him when I was 17 years old. We have grown up together and been through many challenges and our love has only gotten stronger through it all. LOVE YOU!

My children mean more to me than life itself. The love I have for them is unconditional and they each have a large piece of my heart. To this day it is a miracle to me that I helped create these amazing little human beings. I am truly blessed. You really really realize how important it is to be there for your children especially after experiencing the loss of a child. Life is short. Enjoy every second...

Kohen Nathanial10/10/04

Carter Joseph10/26/06 ~ 1/26/08

Kaelyn May1/21/09

As a mom, I now realize the sacrifices you have to make for your children. I am thankful for my mom and dad for always being there for me. I was not always the most well behaved child but they never turned their back. They have supported me through every life decision and I love them so much. Also, my brother and my sister. Growing up together, you fight, you play, you laugh, but in the end all that has made us even closer.

My dad ~he is one of the smartest, most patient men I know.

My Mom ~ She is an inspiration to me, and has taught me to be a strong woman

My sister ~I am so proud of her accomplishments, and I know she is going to be a wonderful mom!

My brother ~ He has the biggest heart and a way with kids, he is going to be a great dad!

My mother-in-law and my sister-in-law have been more than just in laws. I consider them 100% my family. They treat me like their own. These two women have been nothing but there for me through thick and thin. I love them!

Alicia and Sandra

And last but not least.. my best friends..I don't know what I would do without them!!!!

Tiffany, I cannot express my gratitude enough. You are the godmother of my children and a huge part of my life! I know that if I need ANYTHING you will always be there. For the past year and a half, you have stuck by my side..when I needed someone to laugh with, you were there.. when I needed someone to cry with..you were there..if I needed to just bullshit and talk about nothing!..you were there.. and I love you!

Melanie. You have been like family to me since the day I met you over 6 years ago! Your optimism is inspiring. You are such a caring person and would do anything for anyone! You have also been there for me through thick and thin, laughs and cries, and ups and downs. I love you!

For those of you not mentioned.. you are not forgotten. I feel so blessed for the people that have been placed in my life for all different reasons. I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank you for being there for me!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Sooo... Haven't written in a while.. I have been feeling bad about my last post..due to it's intensity. I want to apologize.. even if you say I don't have to. I feel like I must. I don't usually show my true feelings outwardly. (not good..I know) but sometimes I end up like an overflowing volcano. just exploding.. so yes I'm sorry.

So there is something else I would like to talk about.. my life as a military wife. I don't true live the typical military lifestyle. With Josh just being in the national guard he only does one weekend a month and 2 weeks out of the year... so when he got the job back in september working on military vehicles.. it has been creeping up on me. Now he is gone for 3 weeks..training.. then off to wisconsin then to iraq. Now I don't EXACTLY know what full time military wives go through. but I am about to find out the hard way.

I must say, since the day that Josh decided to join the army..I have been nothing but proud of him. He has sacrificed so much to better himself and his family. It truely touches my heart that he is so brave as to risk his life to fight for our country.. I have to be honest..I haven't always been the most patriotic.. but now it is instantly and directly effecting my life. . All I can do is be there for the love of my life and deal.

People ask me how I feel about him going. Well.. this is usually my immediate response.. "what choice to I have?" it's the government. they pretty much own him. it's not like he can just say "no I don't want to go, I have a wife and kids" .. there are thousands and thousands that go overseas every year leaving their girlfriends, mothers, fathers, wives, children... and It DOES effect a lot more than just those people..

Maybe I'm biased..but, my husband is truely a hero. He has been through so much and is still so strong.. I couldn't ask for better!

About Me

It's been a long hard road and I have worked my butt off to get where I am today. Though tears have been shed and my son laid to rest..I wake up breathing another new day. I love my family and my friends. Without them I would not make it. Each day is a new day and brings new things. Just taking it as it is...one day at a time.

My Equator...The Center Of The World

You are the meaning of strengthat it's highest peak.You have couragewhen the rest of us are weak.You inspire meto live for the now.And to never give upCuz’ you don't know how.I've learned from youwhy family comes first.its cuz’ when you need them,they're there when you hurt.No matter the painIt all hurts the same.And family you can count onto always remain.When the road gets rockyyou seem to take each bumpand walk over them smoothlyhump after hump.You have no ideaabout the affect you've madeand with the lessons I've learnedmy life's made a change.Not just a changeBut also a growth.From an immature childto a young woman with hope.