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Zombie Honey's Best and Worst of 2015!

It’s that time of the season for sharing the things I loved and the things I hated. Surprisingly for a year that basically made me hate most things, my worst list is very short. I think I experienced a lot more mmhmms in my films this year than I did decisive yays or nays. Ah well. You didn’t come to here to read me ramble on about my feels. Well… you did… but about very specific things. So, without further ado:

ZOMBIE HONEY’S BEST:

Can we rub their faces together?!

Mad Max: Fury Road

I’m a huge fan of the Mad Max franchise and I loved this installment. Not just because of Tom Hardy’s scruffy face I want to rub my face on - but that didn’t hurt. Can we talk about George Miller’s amazing use of practical effects, hardcore vehicles, and fire-throwing guitars?!?! Also, anything with a tacit, titular character that kicks ass side-by-side a badass warrior woman is good in my book. Damn good. *grunting approval*

Only three actors? Shit’s gonna get unreal.

Ex Machina

If this isn't on your best list this year, I’m not sure we can be friends. I mean, this movie is sheer fucking perfection. My own preference for a bearded, slightly sadistic, psychopath aside - Ex Machina makes all of my senses tingle and all of my feels feel. I hate that and love it at the same time. Also, I’m a big fan of Alex Garland - so more of his work, please.

Shut your face if you didn’t like this movie for whatever lame reason you have. Not enough zombies - who cares. Not enough choppahs - I’m not listening. Too much plot - get lost. This was a great character study between father and daughter during something traumatic and if you can’t relate to that, that’s fine - but you can’t take it away from me. I’ll take my tears to the grave.

Any movie with a flaming scythe is a win, right?

The Hallow

Here’s a thing we need more of: Irish folklore horror. Please bring this on. All of it. I was surprised by this movie as I didn’t expect much from it - outside of my curiosity piqued by the trailer. But lo’ I was super excited by it. The effects were perfectly creepy and the story didn’t try to play up or down to the audience. It was a great supernatural/creature flick and I hope we see lots more like this in 2016.

Welcome back to horror, Adam Scott. We’ve missed you since Hellraiser: Bloodline.

Krampus

Horned. Anti. Santa. Duh.

Actually, I’m usually a pretty big fan of PG-13 horror movies. They have less to work with than movies that get their R rating, which usually leads to a lot of off-screen scares which bode a bit better for that all over wiggy feeling. Krampus succeeded here; as well as in making a family horror movie that’s good for the holidays.

But really, back to the horned anti-santa.

Yes. Yes, I do want to play BINGO with Henry Rollins.

He Never Died

Can we talk for a minute about Henry Rollins in all of his perfection? I went into this movie mostly blind - having only seen the trailer once and knowing I needed it in my eye holes. I’m so glad I did. This little gem might be a sneaky favorite for some of you, but for me it was perfection from the get go. Not just because Rollins is the perfect Cain - but also because he’s actually not. Just watch it. If you don’t like it, well… we can discuss our friendship contract.

AGHGHGHGHGHHG*deepbreath*ARGHGHGHG

Goosebumps

Kids movies, amiright? Being skeptical of a kids “horror” movie is absolutely OK. Especially if you have any nostalgia rooted in the source material. Goosebumps did not disappoint. Not only was it totally fun for four year olds but, as it turns out, also totally entertaining for 34 year olds. Yes, I am a fan of Jack Black. Yes, I am a fan of Goosebumps (the books). And, yes, I will watch more!

Ya heard it?

Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival

God vs. the Devil part II… and we’re pretty sure that God is the bad guy. Yes. Yes. Yes. Not only is Darren Bousman and Terrance Zdunich’s sequel to The Devil’s Carnival absolutely stunning - the aesthetics are off the charts - but the music is catchy and brilliantly twisted. It’s like Sondheim meets Fuller. SCORE!

Is there something behind me?

It Follows

This was a pretty divisive movie for a lot of people it seems. For me it was a home run from the first panic attack. No, I don’t advise sticking through a movie if you’re feeling anxious or panicky, but I just had to. The movie felt timeless, and if you can remember what it was like to be a teenager going on adult - then the panic and thought processes seemed more than reasonable. And let me not forget to mention the soundtrack - which continues to creep me out, even as I write this blip. *shudder*

ZOMBIE HONEY’S WORST

This is all I’m taking away from this shit show.

Terminator Genisys

Ugh. If you’re going to make a new Terminator movie - make a new fucking Terminator movie. Don’t spend the first ¾ of your movie rehashing the original, which was brilliant to begin with. We all know it was brilliant. It’s why we love it. Jaysus. - 1 for lack of originality. -1 for rebooting the universe by reminding us about the original universe. -1 for spelling Genisys wrong. +1 for old Ahhnold vs. young Ahhnold. So that’s something.

JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!

Lazarus Effect

If your audience can count down to the first jumpscare and then count the seconds between your second, third, fourth… fourteenth jumpscare - you should probably reconsider how you’ve plotted out this movie. I honestly hardly remember much of this shit show, except that I was ready to leave the theater after the fifth jumpscare because I was bored and disinterested in what was(nt) happening within the movie. So… that’s not fun.

See. Your first mistake was opening the door.

Hellions

By all accounts I should have loved this movie. I wanted to, I really did. Let me assure you there is nothing technically wrong with this film. As filmmaking goes it is full of merit. For me, I just did not enjoy it. Not at all. Creepy kids, teenager with a surprise pregnancy, Halloween, alternate reality - sign me up, right? Nope. The pacing didn’t work for me. The creepy wasn’t creepy enough. The teen/pregnancy plot progressor seemed trite. Halloween was an after thought. And, while I don’t necessarily NEED an explanation of all elements within a movie, the lack of any understanding for WHY there was an alternate reality was just kind of annoying. I might revisit this at a later date, but as of today - it’s a big fat no for me.

Double chainsaw accidental death. That might be what happened to this movie.

There were zombies aplenty here. And the trailer was funny and action-packed. Somewhere between the trailer and the movie they lost the funny and the action became less packed and more haphazardly strewn about. Such is the case for most video game turned movie, I think. I had higher hopes for Watchtower, though. The one saving grace for me was Rob Riggle as Frank West. But it wasn’t saving enough.