Can someone just deliver me a breakfast skillet with eggs, hashbrowns and corn beef hash? That would fucking super. I desperately want a big, yummy breakfast ... but I'm too content to put on real clothes and go get it.﻿

Do you speak English? If yes, continue to Question 2. If no, do not circle me.

Is your profile primarily in a language other than English? If yes, do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 3.

Is your profile blank or otherwise offering me no data [pictures, posts, information] about who you are? If yes, do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 4.

Are you circling me simply to boost your Google+ friendship numbers? If yes, do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 5.

Are you using Google+ as merely a way to promote your business, charity, Ebay store, etc? If yes, do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 6.

Do you discriminate toward people with non-"traditional" sexualities [ie: bisexual, gay, lesbian, etc]? If yes, do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 7.

Do you friend non-Christians with the explicit motivation to preach at them for their "wrongs" and/or "sinfulness" and "bring them back to Jesus"? If yes, do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 8.

Do you discriminate against those who follow religions which aren't of one the Big Three [ie: Christianity, Judaism and Muslim] Faiths? If yes, do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 9.

Do you follow an alternative faith [ie: Heathenism, Asatru, The Northern Way, etc] but believe you have all the answers in your one flawless book and/or religious organization? If yes, do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 10.

Do you support racism? Or racism specifically connected to the Nazis, Aryans, White Supremacists or anyone that believes Asatru and the Northern Way is for "whites" only? If yes, do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 11.

Do you claim to be a "nerd" but were never ostracized in your youth for being passionate about one or more of the following: computers, Star Wars, writing, Star Trek, painting, tabletop games, video games, math, english, or some other pursuit and/or fandom? If yes, you are not a nerd, quit jumping on the nerd-chic bandwagon, and do not circle me. If no, continue to Question 12.

Are you capable of holding an entertaining, enlightening and/or thoughtful conversation on topics you are passionate about? While still being respectful if we disagree? If yes, continue to Question 13. If no, do not circle me.

Are you using Google+ to: push your political and/or religious beliefs? To otherwise start "drama" in any of its many forms? If yes,do not circle me. Good day, and thanks for taking the Jessie Zimmer Litmus Test! If no, congratulations random G+ person! You've made it to the Bonus Round!

BONUS ROUND:

If you've made it this far and:

Like Star Wars?

Know the Original Trilogy is still superior to the Prequels?

Also know Han Shot First?

Chewbecca's your favorite character?

Prefer Apple products?

Are a Neil Gaiman fan?

Are a leaf on the wind?

Did you read through this whole post, answer all the questions and still wish to Circle me?