New to this group…grieving for three months now…needing lots of support

My firstborn son passed sway at 27 weeks on 9/14/2015 from a congenital lung malformation. His ultrasound at 20 weeks had been perfect so this was a very unpleasant surprise. That being said he was the most beautifully baby I had ever seen and miss him every single day. With the holidays coming up I thought I would reach out for some online support. Any ideas on how to survive the holidays? Any other September loss moms out there?

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I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful son. It hits you like a tonne of bricks when everything is tracking along normally. We lost our son Ben on October 23rd due to severe heart defects caused my the genetic condition 22q11 deletion syndrome. He was 26 weeks. In regards to Christmas, we are trying to be around good friends and family who understand that we will find this time hard. We got a bauble for our Christmas tree with Benjamin and 2015 on it so it feels like he is part of our celebrations. I know Christmas itself will be hard but I plan to be honest with myself and my family, cry when I need to, disappear when I need to and talk to others when I need to. There is so much 'I should' happening for me - I should be really big now, i should be getting people asking how much longer I have to go, I should be finishing work next year for 12 months. That part is hard but we are trying to focus on the future and next Christmas where we hope to have a little brother or sister for our Benjamin. I think the thing that will help us through most is that we have us ashes inside a heart tin in a teddy bear so we plan to have him there as part of our celebrations on Christmas Day. Do whatever it is you need to do to survive this time and don't apologise for any of it. Cry when you need to, remember your beautiful son and surround yourself with people who love you, support you and understand how hard this time will be for you. Take care and stay in touch. From Amy xo

We lost our little girl at 14 wks a fortnight ago, and I am dreading the holidays. I think because I had my 18 week scan booked in for a couple of days before Christmas, and like the above comment, keep thinking 'I should have been 15, 16 weeks now..." and know I'll be thinking of her Christmas Day. I had this vision of Christmas Day back when I found out I was pregnant- of our cute bump, and sitting around the table celebrating with my family :-(

I've told my family I don't feel like celebrating too much, but then felt selfish saying so... it's such a conflicting feeling. I want to be happy and move forward, but part of me just wants to hide away.

Love the idea of putting a Christmas decoration on the tree for our little girl- thanks for the idea asand1.

I'm sorry for your tragic loss. We lost our Jesse at 20weeks on the 9th September. We had his 20week scan a few days before and he was perfect and growing on track. It is devastating.

Tomorrow will be three months since then and I'm still spontaneously bursting into tears.

Christmas is very difficult. We have a toddler so we have been having to hold it together for her but we miss our son so much. We also got a bauble with his name on it for the Christmas tree and it sits right at the top so that he is included and always with us.

I don't know how to survive the holidays so all I can offer is an ear if you want to talk. I don't like talking about Jesse with people in person. It hurts too much and I find that people rarely understand even though they love us and care so much.

Thanks ladies for your responses. I wish i had joined this community earlier. I like the idea of a Christmas ornament. Maybe my husband and I will go pick one up on Monday which is his due date. My son's name is Tiago-short for Santiago. I still burst into tears often, mostly in the car. I started seeing a counselor which has been helpful.

Wow so raw, you might find the whole year quite tough. Thank you for reaching out. I hope you get the support and face to face support you need. You sound really brave. Sorry, I guess that doesn't help. Really sorry for your loss. At Christmas time and other times don't hide your feelings just go with the wave of emotions. You have our support. Take care

In reply to monikikazul

08/12/15

Thanks ladies for your responses. I wish i had joined this community earlier. I like the idea of a Christmas ornament. Maybe my husband and I will go pick one up on Monday which is his due date. My son's name is Tiago-short for Santiago. I still burst into tears often, mostly in the car. I started seeing a counselor which has been helpful.

So sorry to hear of your loss of your little boy and thinking of all you other ladies too. I lost my little girl at 14 weeks, 4 weeks ago now and I'm finding it really hard so can only empathise going through this further along. It helps to read other people's posts but is so sad that any of us have had to know this pain. I was so looking forward to being pregnant over the holidays too and everything is a constant reminder. Everything I eat, drink, wear, every time I think about the future. I miss my little girl Abby so much and the thoughts of her life and have been crying myself to sleep most nights but I think I need to just let the tears flow to help myself heal. The Christmas bauble is a beautiful idea. Sending lots of hugs for Monday. be good to yourself ladies. Hopefully time and love will heal our broken hearts. Xx

we we lost our daughter Audrey in July at 37 weeks. She was perfect. A knot in her umbilical cord caused her to die in utero otherwise she would be a chubby little five month old now who I would be spoiling for Christmas.

Instead im putting on a brave face for her two sisters and trying to incorporate Audrey into all our Christmas celebrations as she is and always will be a big part of our family.

I gave birth to my beautiful sleeping girl, Annalice Grace, only last week at 22w3d, after having contractions brought on by SCH Bleeding.

I can't even think about doing normal routine things, let alone putting up a Christmas Tree. The cheer going on everywhere just hurts so much as I have now lost 4 babies and despair of ever having my own family to share Christmas with.

Even watching TV is hard as everything seems to remind me of my little girl and my loss.

It is so hard even thinking about funeral arrangements, birth registration etc when all I want is to have my little girl back.

I am hoping that I get some answers and a degree of closure from autopsy results once complete.

In reply to Nicnic44

09/12/15

So sorry to hear of your loss of your little boy and thinking of all you other ladies too. I lost my little girl at 14 weeks, 4 weeks ago now and I'm finding it really hard so can only empathise going through this further along. It helps to read other people's posts but is so sad that any of us have had to know this pain. I was so looking forward to being pregnant over the holidays too and everything is a constant reminder. Everything I eat, drink, wear, every time I think about the future. I miss my little girl Abby so much and the thoughts of her life and have been crying myself to sleep most nights but I think I need to just let the tears flow to help myself heal. The Christmas bauble is a beautiful idea. Sending lots of hugs for Monday. be good to yourself ladies. Hopefully time and love will heal our broken hearts. Xx

Sorry about the loss of Abby. Crying yourself to sleep is normal at this stage when grief is so raw and new. Remember to take care of yourself as much as you can, we will survive the holidays!

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