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DORSET, UK -- In a shocking new development, the toilets of England are revolting. After years of repeatedly being shat upon by the entire country it appears that they have finally had enough. We took the following statement from leader of the movement Mr Armitage Shanks:

We have had it up to the top of our pans with all this crap and frankly we have been taking your shit for far too long. Taking the piss is one thing, but un-screwing the urinal from the wall, stuffing it down your trousers and taking it home with you is quite another. We are closing our lids and will not be taking any more of your excrement until the blockage is cleared.

It appears that the toilets are talking a rather solid position, and drastic measures will be called for. A group of Brownies was sent to remonstrate with the toilets, but they refused to buy their fudge. Police have been called into investigate, but currently they have nothing to go on. This rather desperate news reader will be heading into the woods shortly, and if anyone can recommend a discreet tree he would be extremely grateful.