Sunday, 6 November 2011

Top Ten Members of The Avengers Academy

This is based purely on issue #21, which IS after all the first issue of a new era. Many people told us we should jump onto the series with this issue, so here's what we picked up on:

10: White Tiger

We just can’t get behind this need to categorise people by their race. And while we appreciate the mysterious new White Tiger for trying to represent her community, it just seems like a bad idea to try and group everyone together. Basically, we’re on Reptil’s side over this debate. Wouldn’t it be interesting if she took off the mask and revealed herself to be white? A reversal of the She-Hulk issue where Spider-Man took JJJ to court for harassment, and joked “I think it’s because I’m black”.

Ahh, what a great series that was. Nice to see the new She-Hulk pop up in this issue, too. Sensational seguing!

9: Butterball

Butterball is a useless, immovable lump. But if you ever want somebody to test out your new human cannon, there’s nobody better. His fun-loving attitude is so wonderful because it comes despite there being no reasoning for it. He doesn’t say a single thing in this issue, but just look at that opening splash-page where he cannonballs into the pool. He’s still wearing his shoes, he’s an idiot. But there’s just the BIGGEST smile on his face. Shouldn’t we all strive to be that excited whilst wearing a full-body superhero costume which’ll be a nightmare to lug out of a pool which doesn’t have any visible steps to climb out with? For all we know, Butterball is still in that pool now.

8: Hollow

She’s still around! Despite being part of one of the most convoluted and messy origin stories ever written – something to do with autistic twins and body merging and bone marrow – the new Hollow, first seen in Loners, is still hanging about in the superhero community. Oh, Hollow. One day somebody will come along and make sense of you, but god help us if Grant Morrison or Fabian Nicieza ever get their hands on you.

7: Mettle

The first of the original recruits to make the list, Mettle was a Hawaiian surfer bro whose body became coated with some kind of weird shiny red stuff. So now he wanders around, skull exposed for the whole world to see. And he’s still managed to pick up a girlfriend and the respect of Captain America. Some people are just born that way, guys. Mettle’s big and therefore angry, because that’s how these things always work. But at least here we have a big angry guy who actually has a valid reason to be angry. He also knows when to throw out an apology, and you have to admire somebody with that kind of modesty.

6: Julie Power

She seems a bit formal and over-polite, but I enjoyed it when Hazmat referred to her as “double-rainbow barbie”

5: Rocket Racer

Look how happy he is on that apparently flying skateboard. He’s living in the early nineties, and just doesn’t give a damn what you think about it.

4: Hazmat

We jump into the world of properly good characters now, with Hazmat coming very close to stealing the series. An overly-aggressive girl who can’t leave, yes, her Hazmat suit due to being radioactive, she tends to get all the best lines. And some of the worst – and therefore most authentically teenage – lines too. “Go quote yourself” is great because it’s such a poor comeback. Right on, Hazmat. As long as you get the last word, it doesn’t matter what those words actually are.

3: Reptil

He may not be particularly dynamic, but you have to admire the straightforwardness of Reptil. He might be able to turn into dinosaurs, and that’s awesome, but at his heart he’s just a relatively dull guy who fits in with the rest of the cast. Sometimes you need to have a character or two who don’t do anything, to fill up the numbers and keep the rest of the cast on edge. He didn’t get into the fight, but he was the only character to get injured from it.

Every team has to have a guy like Reptil. Reppin’ it for the latinos!

2: Spider-Girl

Just wanted to re-emphasise how much better this Spider-Girl is than the last one.

1: Finesse

Probably the best character in the bunch, and the most interesting by a long way. Finesse over-analyses things and tries to run long-term plans. But, because she’s still only young, this hurts her far more than it helps her. There’s a reason why Mettle chose Hazmat over her, after all. A fine piece of red shiny hunk like Mettle? He doesn’t have time for the strategy-girl! But his presumably off-panel rebuttal is her gain, because she works best alone.

Now, we have no idea what was going on in the last two pages of the issue, but it certainly looked like Finesse was the one in charge. You know why that is? Because she’s got focus. Have to respect that.