"you know what my # 1 fantasy is? i used to think that one day, just not telling anyone, i could go off to some random place, and i just disappear, like you’ll never see me again."

red umbrella

i have a fascination towards fiery red umbrellas, the kind found in the film a very long engagement. i love the brashness the red represents, the explosion of its shade when it hits my vision, the lingering heat the red hue leaves.

i get drawn to it as how i get drawn to dangerous materials, ways, people.

if i can paint or draw, i would draw red umbrellas over and over. when i searched the internet, i found others who are also fascinated by it. ain’t it amazing?

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i’m turning 27 on the 26th of april, and as usual, there is a melancholic air. special occasions remind me that a year has passed without my stepmother in my life. and so, i never want to truly celebrate my birthday. in a way, it is like all soul’s day.

i’m in a sad funk, too. it’s an annual thing, usually hitting me every third quarter, the period when my stepmother died. but i never expected it would fall during my birthday month. and what do you know: the funk is staring me right in the face.

but there are rays of sunshine:

last night, i met my high school friends–belen, maia, suki, tring. it was a rare time to meet belen as she’s now set to have her med clerkship this May. and we girls got to talking. and talking. and it was so easy. and it was plain, giddy fun.

since belen’s a doctor, we had bouts of exchange about women giving birth (ugh!) and our quick consultations about our illnesses (mine are my nightmare sickness and insomnia; tring’s her nightmare sickness; maia her fickle system). and her decision towards my insomnia: she won’t prescribe meds to me as i might get dependent on them. it just keeps getting better, this sleeping problem. hee.

[…] Apart from yellow, my favorite color is red; to be specific, blood red or in Filipino slang as per my insistence to call it thus, puta red. I also love red umbrellas to the point that I wrote a homage for it here. […]