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Darth Vader to Galaxy: Don’t F*** With Me, I Know Karate

I loved the Star Wars. I could ignore the conceit of the”Episode IV” header. It was a movie that didn’t need a sequel. The sequels didn’t enhance the story; they simply continued and rehashed it.The prequels were even less necessary. Darth Vader’s back story, if worth telling, could have been done in one movie. And, they could have taken us up to the point of the start of the first one. But noooooo. We had to have three movies worth of Anakin, and three minutes of the big black menace who does nothing but stumble around in his best Steve Austin in physical therapy imitation.

Enter Dark Lord: the Rise of Darth Vader.

This book turns Vader from force cripple into a bad ass. It does fill a gaping hole, and Vader does kill a bunch of people in PG rated style. Yawn. The best part for me was his inner monologue, and that of the Emperor, along with hearing Vader speak the works in his head, That and a cameo by Tarkin was worth it., The rest of it? Contrived fan fic bullshit. Don’t get me started on fan fiction. for now, just understand that I root for Vader. The more mayhem at his hand the better.

This does get me to some serious foundational issues i have with Star Wars. No one can kick Darth Vader’s ass. The emperor is all powerful. To what end? Why should we care? Neither of them is chasing money or pussy or a decent tuna melt with New York Cheddar dusted kettle chips and an ice cold Coors Light, so what is the fucking point of their existence, other than to be mean so Luke has a goal? Control? Order? The George W. Bush fascist wet dream? Yep. Whoopee! But what then? Like I said, they do not need anything. They do not want or cannot enjoy anything. They’re cartoons, like the mad scientist villain in Underdog cartoons.