An Open Letter to Street Harassers Everywhere

It’s me…the eighteen-year-old girl who is probably just one of many you all have directed your attentions to over the past seven years. Anyhoo, I’m just writing to express my sincere thanks for your behavior.

In my opinion there is nothing more attractive than a man who makes me scared to walk down the street—and that whole grabbing your crotch and licking your lips bit? I think it’s so sexy how you make it known what you want, regardless of my consent.

Sure, I’ve yelled back a couple of times, but you were right when you called me a bitch for doing that or told your friend that I wanted you. When I yelled “f**ck off” I really meant “do you want to go out sometime?” When I ignored your “hey, beautiful”s, it was probably just me playing hard to get. And don’t let my fast-paced walking after you yell at me deter you—I’m running away because I like you.

So basically, I just wanted to say that yes, your tactics are working. The creative names you call me on streets all over the world are ever so endearing, and that time you tried to follow me into my house after school was so cute. Keep up the lip-licking, cat-calling, whistling, and staring…it’s getting you really far with all those girls you’re chasing.