Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I know I already posted once today, but something has been bothering me...

My mother and I got into a heated "conversation" over the weekend because I chose to come down on the opposite side of an issue.

A little background: my mother is best friends with my best friends' mother (did I lose you?) and she happens to be staying with my parents right now (long story). So anyway, my best friend, N, and her family came out from Texas to spend Christmas here. While N was here, her mother, M, did something that really upset N. She gave N's son, G, some coffee. G is two years old and hadn't had so much as a soda up to that point. The kid even gets watered down apple juice. So N tells her mom to not give G any more coffee. M responds that N needs to lighten up and that a little bit won't kill him and then proceeds to give him another sip. I think you can guess what happened after that.

I happen to agree that no one has any business giving a two year old coffee, especially if the child's mother says not to do it. At that point, it becomes a question of whether or not you're going to respect the parent and the way she chooses to raise her kids. Telling her to "lighten up", in my opinion, is disrespectful.

My mother came down on the opposite side stating that N blew the situation out of proportion and that she overreacted by yelling at her mom for giving G coffee. My mom also used the "it's not going to kill him" argument and is now starting to make it seem like N was the one in the wrong.

I know N is really upset that her mother trivialized her concerns and made her feel stupid about the decisions she's making with G. Now I'm upset because I see my own mother starting down the same path. I got upset when my dad gave Little Man a little lick off his ice cream cone. I don't like that they bathe him in the kitchen sink. I hate that my mother pushes formula over BM only because it gives her more opportunities to feed him. It drives me bonkers when my grandma makes Little "tell" me things; "Mama, my feet are cold, I should always have socks on." "Mama, I'm staaaaaarving, when are you going to feed me? Do you want Nana to give me a bottle?" " Mama, how come you won't let me stay the night at Nana's house? Don't you trust her?" And all of this in what is supposed to be a cutesy baby voice. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to yell at them to mind their own damn business and let me raise my son. I know the minute I say anything negative to them, they'll take it to the extreme and when I do need their opinion on something, they'll not want to give it to me because I'll "get offended". Why does everything have to be such a high wire act?

So loyal readers, what do you think? When my mother attempts to give Little Man coffee sometime down the line, do I say something or let her do her indulgent Grandma thing and bite my tongue? And at what point do you put your foot down and say "Not my child!"

I was tagged by both Mrs. Foreste and Leenie to do a TAM post. So here are five things that make me a Truly Authentic Mom:

1. Little Man's diaper bag is filled with stuff that he MIGHT need; a paci (which he's never used), an extra package of wipes (in addition to the travel container I fill every day), two extra sets of clothes (because he once had two blowouts in one day), his hair brush (don't really know why), nail clippers, two blankets, and a few toys. Ok, the toys he needs pretty much all the time, but what is with everything else?

2. I'm obsessed with making him "smell like a baby". I can't stand it when he smells like spit up or poo; he has a bath every night and I always use the Johnson's baby lotion 'cause that's my idea of how babies should smell.

3. Every article of clothing I buy now has to meet three baby-related requirements:
a ) It has to be baby friendly... as in NOT dry clean only.
b ) Feeding friendly. I buy a lot of button up tops these days.
c ) Soft... 'cause I don't want my baby's precious cheek resting against something that isn't a soft as a cloud.

4. I feel sooooooooo guilty after drinking even one glass of wine. I know it's only one glass, and its only 6% alcohol, but it seems really indulgent to me. And semi-irresponsible because I'm BFing. (Yes, I know I'm completely irrational)

5. I take everything so damn seriously now! I used to have a sense of humor, but ever since this little guy came along, I take everything literally. It sucks, I can't take a freaking joke anymore.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I can't believe my baby is 6 months old! He's getting to be such a ... person! His personality is really starting to develop and he's learning new things so quickly. Earlier this week, totally out of the blue, he decided that he was ready to roll over from back to belly. I laid him under his activity center and a few minutes later he started fussing. I turned to pick him up and found him on his belly! He was annoyed that he'd bumped into the side of the center. I turned him back over and he did it again! But in true Little fashion, as soon as I picked up the camera to get video documentation, he refused to do it again. Little rascal.

The cute butt can sit for pretty long stretches without any support. I put pillows all around him anyway though; he sometimes throws back his head and unbalances himself and he ends up falling over. He can pick up most of his toys and bends himself in half to reach the ones that are a little too far away. He shows more interest in the dogs, too. He doesn't touch them, but he watches everything they do. I'm sure the tail pulling will start any time!

He has outgrown almost all of his 3-6 month clothes and is now in 6-9 month stuff. Man, I wish I could open the box to a new wardrobe every three months! Pardon me while I daydream about that for a moment... We will have to go out and buy new sleepers. Somehow, we have zero 6-9 month footy pajamas.

Our adventures with solids have all been positive. He likes pretty much everything we've given him. He's had oatmeal, green peas, sweet potatoes, carrots, pears, bananas, and apples. He doesn't much care to be spoon fed rice cereal but is fine with it if it's in his bottle. I'm also still breastfeeding, though it seems my supply is once again less than adequate. I can't keep up with his growth spurts. But hey, some is better than none, right?

We take him in for his six month appointment on Friday. I am not looking forward to it. He'll be getting the regular flu shot AND the swine flu shot along with all the other regular vaccinations. I hate it when they poke him. I AM excited to find out his stats, he's really getting heavy and I think the time for a new car seat is fast approaching; our current one has a 20 pound weight limit! He also sits at the table with us whenever we go out to eat, no more chilling in the car seat, my big boy uses a high chair! We have to stuff blankets around him to make sure he doesn't knock his head, but he'll happily play with his toys at the table and let us enjoy our dinner.

Check out my little man holding his own bottle!

In non-baby related news: I got my RIF (reduction in force) letter from work yesterday morning. My official last day is February 11, 2010. And I C.A.N.N.O.T wait!

I will soon be fulfilling my dream of staying home with my baby and breaking free of my little cube shaped prison filled with stacks of paper. I'm also looking into joining a Mommy and Me group in our community. I'm going to have to work very hard at not becoming a slob once I'm home with Little. It's too easy for me to not get out of bed till 10:30 and then not get dressed until right before MyLovf comes home from work at 6 o'clock! I have big plans to start working out again, too. I still have 10 pounds of baby weight to lose, and (if I get really ambitious) 15 more on top of that to get back down to my wedding day weight. MyLovf purchased the P90X program for himself and had almost immediate results. It looks like something that I would like. We'll see how it goes.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I know my last entry sounded pretty bleak, and then I disappeared for the weekend, but I promise I'm ok.

So here's what happened: I was sick as a dog for two days and had to stay home from work. And because M couldn't take Little Man to daycare, I had to care for him while sick. Not the most ideal "get healthy" scenario. He also couldn't take any days off to stay home and take care of me. He couldn't leave even a teensy bit earlier than usual so he could come home and help me out. In fact, the second day, he left at 6 o'clock, an hour later than usual. Upon returning home, he spent an hour in the bathroom (with his IPod, which leads me to believe he wasn't actually "busy"), and when he finally decided to grace us with his presence (not take the baby, but plop his butt in the recliner), I was hit with "Why are you still in your pajamas?" "Why didn't you do the dishes?" "How come you didn't start dinner?"
::deep breath::

Let me paint a picture. I had a monster headache, my body ached all over, I had the chills so bad my teeth were chattering, and I was completely congested. All I wanted to do was sleep, but with Little home, I was only able to sleep when he slept, which amounted to about two hours a day. So for him to come home and say all that and do all that... well, it pissed me right off. In his mind, I was home all day, so I should've been able to take care of all those things. Which on any other day, I would understand, but I was freakin' sick!! I could barely get up to change Little's diaper, I was not about to go wash dishes! We went back and forth for a good half hour, and he still didn't get it. Why is this concept so hard for him to grasp? I swear, when he's sick, it's like the end of the world. He stays in bed moaning and I have to take care of every stupid thing for him.

When Little refused to sleep that night, it was like fire icing on my Hell cake. M has a low threshold for frustration, so we had yet another yelling match; very conducive to getting a baby to sleep, no?

We never fought pre-baby the way we fight now. Does it really take a whole year for a marriage to rebound after the birth of a child? Anyway, we talked again the next day about everything I was feeling. I doubt it sank in this time, but at least I know he's aware of where my head is.

So, I'm feeling better now, but that could just be the passing of time; not necessarily because our situation has improved. I'm not really sure what to do at this point. Do I keep talking, or do I accept that this is just the way things are going to be for a while?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Monday, November 23, 2009

Yes, that IS an iced coffee beverage from Starbucks. And was worth every penny of the $3.45 that it cost. And it doesn't matter that it's 44 degrees outside. Because last night was the night from Hell and I need caffine to function.

Little decided that he wanted to keep everyone up last night. So now I'm running on probably two hours of sleep. I don't know what was up with him. He wasn't hungry and he wasn't dirty; yet he would.not.go.to.sleep (maybe he's teething)? I think there were actually tears at some point, but I'm too tired to remember clearly. What I do remember is M taking him out of the room because he was afraid that I was gonna lose it and hurt him...

Yeah. Nice huh?

For some reason, if I'm anything less than 100% cheerful, M goes straight to the worst case scenario. Two days after Little came home we were having a similar bad night (because we did not know about this). I was exhausted and frustrated and he wouldn't stop crying; so then I started crying and M became convinced that my tears were because I had post partum depression (I didn't). Him suggesting that really hurt my feelings and made the whole situation worse. It made me feel like I didn't have my partner, ya know? Like I didn't have anyone to lean on. I felt hopeless and like I was already a failure at being a mother. It was like that again last night. Yes, I was tired as hell. Yes, I was totally frustrated. Yes, I yelled at my baby to please, please go to sleep! But I would NEVER do ANYTHING to hurt him!

He took Little out of the room and tried to get him to sleep. An hour later he brought him back in because he was still fussing. I popped the boob into his mouth and he finally fell asleep! At 3am M tried to apologize for what he said. I told him that we needed to talk about it in the morning, but I wasn't really to forgive him. He got all pissy. He was mad at ME for not forgiving him for hurting MY feelings! I told him that I wasn't ready to talk about it and crashed.

He apologized again this morning and we talked about it and I forgave him. I hope that he understands how I feel now and doesn't do it again.

And I REALLY hope that I can make it through the day without falling asleep at my desk... or on the freeway!

ETA: If you all wouldn't mind, could you please add my friend LB to your prayers? I think she could use some cosmic hugs and good thoughts today. Thanks!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I had my annual check up this morning (I know...yay) and it turns out that what I thought was normal after-the-baby stuff may be not so normal after all. My PA was running down her list of questions and the more she asked, the more it sounds like I'm anemic! I'm tired (REALLY tired, even when Little has had a good night of sleep), I'm losing my hair, my hands and lips are super dry, I'm always thirsty, and I have mild constipation.

See? It all sounds like stuff that would happen after a baby, right?

Not so ladies! Not so. Especially when it's not just one or two things, but all of it together. So they took a couple vials of blood to make sure that's what it is. I should have the results back in a day or two. I'm actually hoping that I am anemic so that I can take the iron pills (or whatever I need) and make all the craziness stop. And maybe keep what's left of my hair!

Monday, November 16, 2009

I'm really tired, so I'm finding it hard to construct a decent paragraph. Bear with me.

It seems that Little has made a liar out of me. Or maybe it's just my own actions coming back to bite me in the ass. I've read about the much-feared "blog about it" jinx, but I didn't think it would happen to me. Ah, how naive I was! Ever since the day after my Awesome Sleeper entry, he's decided that he's too cool for sleep. He wouldn't nap all weekend. He was awake for literally the.entire.day. It's also impossible for me to put him down for the night. He'll be totally crashed in my arms, but the second I lay him down in his crib, his eyes pop open and he's awake again. And I mean AWAKE awake; like slept-for-hours-awake. I don't get it. He's obviously exhausted; yawning, rubbing eyes, the whole nine, but he won't just go to sleep! I had to bring him into bed with us last night because it was 11:30 and the crazy kid was still all bright eyed and bushy tailed. I tricked him to sleep by nursing him lying down. It seems to be the only thing that works. But forget moving him. He will not tolerate being moved to his crib. So he spent the night with us and again decided that he HAD to eat at 2:30. And again at 4:00. ::blinks bleary eyes::

I took Friday off to take Little to the doctor. He's had a really gross sounding cough and a runny nose. So the Ped checks him out and says he has an ear infection in his right ear. I was shocked, he didn't seem to be in any pain at all; wasn't pulling on his ear or anything. So now he has to take amoxicillin twice a day for 10 days to clear it up. We're also supposed to keep up with the humidifier in his room and raise his mattress up so he can be a little elevated to help clear up the congestion.

My parents came over yesterday to watch the Laker game with us ::blocks out memory of the awful game:: and as my mother is rocking him to sleep, he sticks his thumb in his mouth and goes to town on it. He's never done that before! Multiple fingers in the mouth, sure, but never his thumb! Call me a mean mom, but I took it away. My own teeth are messed up because my parents let me suck my thumb; I don't want Little's to get messed up too. Earlier in the day he actually held his bottle. It was only for a minute, but he did it! I tried to capture the moment on camera, but of course, I was foiled again. Darn observant baby who stops doing whatever cute thing he was doing the moment the camera comes out!

I might have to make a trip to see my doc pretty soon. I think I may have a plugged duct. Talk about ouchies!

And finally, I just need to whine for a minute about how much I HATE my job. 'Cause I really do. I hate it with an all consuming passion the heat of a thousand firey suns. My boss sucks; she's probably one of the most passive-agressive people I've ever encountered. I'm not supposed to so much as look at my phone unless I'm on break or at lunch (I don't give a shit about this one, that phone will always be on in case of baby emergency). My wardrobe is being scrutinized like never before. It is now considered "unprofessional" to wear my Laker jersey on casual Friday even though it was perfectly fine for the last three seasons! I could gouge someone's eyes out for that one. Just point me to the person responsible. Oh, and we can't forget that they've blocked access to my favorite internet sites. For this, they shall never be forgiven.

K, I'm done whining. I just gotta remember that I'll be able to walk away from this place forever in just 86 days. And I'm gonna wear my Lakers jersey on my last day, I don't care if it's Friday or Monday! They can just kiss my little tanned patootie!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

My little guy is 5 months (and 1 day) old! Where has the time gone? Let's see... since he didn't have a well baby check up this month, I guess I'll just do a milestone update.

He's a lot more talkative! He wakes up in the morning and will hold a 10 minute conversation with his daddy while getting dressed for the day.

He'll look at you if you call his name.

He laughs at everything! Especially his goofy daddy who will play peek-a-boo with him all night if I don't remind him that the little guy has to go to bed.

He takes his "solids" like a champ! He's tried all of the stage 1 vegetables. His favorite is peas. We're giving him bananas right now and surprisingly, he's not much of a fan.

He's refusing to nap. Not such a big deal for me during the day because he's at daycare, but I really feel the effects when I try to put him down for the night. On days when he hasn't slept well, it's definitely a struggle.

He's still working on perfecting the belly-to-back roll over. He doesn't do it much; usually when he gets fed up with tummy time. He's tried back-to-belly a few times, but gets stuck about halfway. It's so funny to watch!

He's more interested in the myriad of toys that surround him. His favorite is this guy: He jitters when you pull on him and makes a rattle sound. My Little doesn't go anywhere without his Phlump (my made up word for elephant that I've used since I was little).

He can almost sit up! He's still very wobbly, so we have to keep him balanced, but he can keep himself in a seated position without tipping forward.

He's been sleeping in his own room for a few weeks now. I can't tell you the difference it's made in the quality of sleep for all of us! We were a co-sleeping family before where *gasp* he slept in bed with us! Dun dun duuuun! Every movement from MyLovf or myself would wake him up and he'd decide that he was hungry again. There's nothing to jostle him in his crib, so he sleeps for much longer. When he does wake up, he'll fuss until one of us goes in to get him, then he'll see your face coming over the rail and he'll crack his huge gummy grin that melts your heart : )

I think that's all, though I'm sure I'm forgetting something. I've totally lost my memory... along with my hair. I've read it's fairly common to start losing your hair when your baby is about 3 months old, but this is absolutely ridiculous. If I rake my fingers through my hair I can pull out 10-15 strands at a time; every.singe.time. It's disgusting. And we won't even talk about the state of my shower drain. I miss many things about being pregnant, one of the biggest ones being the glorious pregnancy hair! ::sob::

MyLovf and I went and got the H1N1 vaccination yesterday. He developed a seriously stuffy nose and sore throat while I had a bit of nausea. I'm feeling normal this morning, but I think he's getting worse. How weird that we'd have such different reactions even though we got the same shot at the same time.

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Favorite Quotes

It takes 9 months to grow a baby and only 1 second to fall in love with one. - Me!

"When a husband or wife dies, the survivor is called a widow or widower. When a child loses their parents, they are called an orphan. When a parent loses a child, there is no word for it. That is how tragic it is". -Yiddish saying.

There are only two ways to live your life,
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle. - Albert Einstein

A smart person learns from his mistakes. A wise person learns from the mistakes of others. - Unknown