That’s what Nate said last night as we chilled out in my car parked in front of my house on surveillance. It really wasn’t what I intended to do, it just sort of happened.

What started it all was that I had run out of cigarettes and Nate informed me that, yet again, he was hungry. I decided to combine a trip to the local convenience store with a trip to Mickey’s and then return so I could watch the end of “Blood Diamond.” That didn’t happen.

First thing was that I forgot my cellphone. Regardless of whether I’m going down the street, or to downtown, I take my cellphone. This made me unhappy, but since the convenience store is one direction and Mickey’s the other direction, I figured I could stop by on my way to Mickey’s and pick it up.

I’ve been having that “feeling” and Nate has too, that we’re being, well, watched. Nate gets creeped out if the neighborhood dogs bark at a certain time of night and its hard not to be paranoid to some degree with everything that’s going on. However, you tend to tell yourself you’re just being paranoid and you continue to attempt to convince yourself that everything is okay.

Given that, I really wasn’t surprised that I caught Jeff cruising my neighborhood at 10:30 last night. I can’t say it didn’t scare the shit out of me, and I can’t say that I was in the least bit thrilled that what I thought was an irrational fear and a response to the situation, has now been verified as a reality.

Needless to say, I went home, got Nate, and we went to Mickey’s together. We sat in the car upon our return home and just talked and watched. I told him that I was pretty certain that his father had seen me, and therefore had probably left the area.

And really, I thought I was just being paranoid and overly sensitive. Maybe I just wanted to convince myself of that and reach for that sense of peacefulness that I haven’t had in a while. It is out of reach.

So, do I continue to squirrel Nate and myself away in our house, afraid to go out for a pack of cigarettes after dark? Or do I hunt him as he hunts us?

What a sad, sick story this is.

I said, “Rabbit, rabbit,” yesterday and maybe it was good luck that my eyes have been fully opened.

In other news, I have a mother Red-tail Hawk nesting in my Ash tree. I saw her swoop in with a small rodent day before yesterday and heard the unmistakeable Red-Tail cry. Watch over us, Mama.

Talk about being a loser. Still, I agree you should keep your eyes open. Though, it would be unfortunate for Jeff if he was actually on your property late at night and he suffered an injury of some sort because you thought an intruder was around and you took steps to defend yourself. I think he should be extra careful.

Tinasaid,

That is bullshit, dude. What a dickhead. You shouldn’t be afraid to be in and around your own house. A restraining order may be a good idea, considering Jeff’s mental status. At least you can have him arrested if he comes near you or Nate or your home. Then again restraining orders can agitate the situation. Consider what’s happened, I wouldn’t put anything past him, especially if he’s on one of his drunken binges.

Just keep your eyes open but don’t let it control your life. Let your neighbors know to keep an eye out for Jeff or his car. Keep all your doors and windows LOCKED! Keep your car locked at all times, even if you are just running in 7-11 for a minute to get cigarettes. He doesn’t have a key to your house does he? Keep the lights on, and the blinds down.

Has he called your work? If he has let your employer know without getting into too much detail. If he starts sending some psycho emails or letters keep them all! This goes with voicemails as well.

You have a right to be paranoid, but you also have the power to protect yourself and Nate and not take his shit.

This is a shot in the dark, but a gun might not be a bad idea either. Nate doesn’t even have to know.

nooniesaid,

Hmmm, I agree, can you get a restraining order? Not necessarily because it will do any good for keeping him away from you, but it’ll tell him you know he’s watching you. And it’s good evidence in your case.

Also, how about some motion sensor lights — can you put up a couple of those in strategic places? I know my neighbors put up a security camera so they can see outside without looking out a window… some punk-ass kids vandalized their Halloween pumpkin of all things a couple years ago, that’s what instigated the camera, but it’s a good idea.

And finally, it might be a good idea to switch up your routine… if you have one. I hate to see you living in fear, but caution isn’t always a bad thing.