Labels. No matter how much we want to shy away from them, it’s a way of life. Collectively, they help us define who we are and separately, they each contain a snippet of a facet of our lives and personalities.

When I first started my photography business, my logo was hanssie trainor: photography. Even back then I knew I could not be contained under one label, hence the colon. (The colon is used before a list or an explanation that is preceded by a clause that can stand by itself) and I knew that photography was just one thing that defined who I was. And now after 3+ years in the business, I’ve evolved and come full circle, back to using the colon to help define who I am – a multi faceted, ever changing person, that wears many hats and has many life experiences.

This blog has always been about my life but with a focus on my photography, but now, there will be a shift to focus more on my journey in the "IN BETWEEN" from my former life as a wife and mother to life as a single gal and single mom living life passionately under my own terms with photography thrown in as well. I'm just a girl trying to figure things out and deal with baggage and confusion in the dating world. I'm putting it all out there --the good, the bad and the ugly. I hope you’ll join me for the ride.

I'm kissing a lot of frogs..and blogging about it.

(P.S. Yes, I am still commissioning for fashion/editorial work and for weddings/ portraits)

Basically an article of racist drivel, so clueless that one might hope that it was offered up as a satire, but I think Anne Gus was serious when she wrote her diatribe against the “subservient” Asian women who are seemingly “stealing” her chances of finding a good white man.

According to Ms. Gus, I, being an Asian woman, am one of the “millions of Asian women [being tricked] into relationships in which [we're] being heavily taken advantage of.”

White men apparently have the idea in their heads that Asian women are submissive and more “pleasant” than white women – a term that Gus finds insulting. Because being “pleasant” is a terrible thing and men would rather hear the ranting of a misinformed racist than be in the company of someone pleasant (so noted).

She goes on to say, “Upon contraction of Yellow Fever, White men suddenly stop going after strong and beautiful white women like myself, and start trading us for our shorter, black haired and more yellow-hued sisters, namely, you people.” Thereby implying that a) she is strong and beautiful b) Asian women are not.

I don’t think I’ve ever been labeled as “submissive” or “subservient” in fact, quite the opposite. That’s the problem with racism – the sweeping generalizations that are pretty much pointless. I’m not sure of Ms. Gus’ end game in her article – to convince men to love her? Convince society that we shouldn’t intermix races? Get page views so she can make more money? Whatever her reasoning, it was an entertaining read, that’s for sure.

Well, I am here to say Ms Gus, that sorry, but maybe if “you people” (aka the white women – or just her) would stop feeling sorry for yourself and maybe go out and do something positive with your life, you may find just that white man you seem to be desperately searching for.

Why is it that (generally speaking) women like to pit themselves against each other? This is why the female population are seen as “bitches.” We can’t seem to actually support each other, women have a tendency to have to one up each other so that we can feel better about ourselves. Bottom line is, we as women need to figure out how to be content in ourselves, fight our own personal insecurities and quit blaming others for life. Stop falling into the comparison trap, ladies. And for god sakes, stop pointing fingers at people for your insufficiencies.

Racism in general does not offend me, nor affect me. I have no control over what other people who don’t even know me, think about me and “my people.” I find people like Anne Gus sad because decide if her worst offense is that she is racist, feminist or just plain stupid, but I suspect it is a combination of all three.

“Comparison is the thief of joy…” Theodore Roosevelt

P.S. I can’t help it if white men are attracted to my pleasant disposition, subservient attitude and submissiveness nature. That’s just who I am. Obvi.

I don’t think Asian women don’t date other races. I’ve seen my Asian friends date all sorts of men, but personally for me, I’ve always been attracted to the all American blonde blue eyed men. I was always open to dating men of other cultures as long as the chemistry is there.

Nathan Smith -June 4, 2014 - 4:34 am

While I agree with you date whom ever you want and don’t care what other people think. But in that vine why don’t Asian Women date Hispanics, Native American and, African American men?

So here I am rounding the start of the 3rd week of freelance-hood and am no farther than when I started on day 1. I am happier and I feel more free and I still have no idea what I’m going to do with my life…much less how I am going to pay the bills without killing my savings. I only work a few hours a day, I am able to get my obligations as mother done – i.e. homeschool, clean the house, make dinner and take the car in for a brand new tire to replace the new tire with the nail in it.

And still…I have no clue what is next in my life.

My friends have tried to be helpful. I was speaking with my hairdresser/therapist the other day and he asked the age old question, “If money was no object, what would you do with your life…”

I replied, half jokingly, but not really at the moment, “Sit on a beach and drink pina coladas…”

We laughed and that was that. (I could probably do that for a week and be over it, if you were wondering).

He then sent me this inspirational video…

…and no offense to inspirational videos, but they usually are ambiguous and make you feel warm and fuzzy for a while, but unless some action is applied, they are just a feel good for 3 minutes and 08 seconds. This is why I am stuck on chapter three of almost every self help book I own (and I own a lot of them). Chapter 3 usually deals with “finding what you love,” “your life purpose,” or “doing what makes you happy.”

The problem is I DON’T KNOW. I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don’t even know what I want to do next week…

All of these things want me to list the things I love doing and would do for free. The answer to that has always been the same themes: helping people, creating, having freedom and meeting people. So how does that all morph into one career? Who knows, but i have about 6 months to figure it out.

Some days I wish I was like some of the other kids who knew they wanted to be a ballerina or football player when they grew up. Not on the two year attention span system I’ve been on my entire life.

A little part of me is afraid. Fear that I’ll choose one thing and then to find that 2 years later, I am bored of it.