To the average reader, postpartum hemorrhage is when you bleed after delivery. In my case, after I delivered my child, she was quickly whisked away to be suctioned by NICU nurses (she had swallowed meconium) As I struggled on the table to glimpse my new baby, I began to feel completely drained. This was the beginning of the postpartum hemorrhage. My body just wouldn’t stop bleeding.

I feel the need to be totally honest in my posts, and, if I lose some of my readers here…I apologize. At this point of my trauma, I left my body. Whether you believe in this phenomenon or not, I truly believe that this happened. From my out-of-body vantage point, I saw things I couldn’t have possibly seen while laying there bleeding. I felt calm, relaxed, and at peace-even though I saw my ravaged body lying on the table, heard the nurses shouting “she’s bleeding!, and watched the frantic scurrying of the medical personnel at my bedside. From my out-of-body location, I could actually see my child, while holding my husband’s hand, and looking down at her. (This all “occurred” while I was bleeding on the delivery table)

The thing that “snapped” me back in was the administration of medication rectally. I found myself lying there broken on the table. No more bleeding, but severely weakened.

I’m not asking you to judge my experience. I just find it amazing that the body seeks to protect, even in the most challenging times. Had I not “gone outside myself” the fear that I would have experienced at that point could have been overwhelming. I am grateful that my body knew what to do.