My unborn child

by Katie

Date: Sun, 9 Apr 2000

I'm scared to cry and I'm scared not to. It's been nearly a week since my
miscarriage and I still long for my child and wish I could try again, but I
can't. You see, I'm only 17 years old and although some may look down on me for
getting pregnant at such a young age, I don't care. I would never have nor could
I have given up my child, no matter what the reason.

I met my boyfriend nearly 6 months ago and it didn't take long for me to realize
I was in love. He's great. So about 2 months after we started dating I went on
the pill for all the good it did me. We were really careful, using condoms if I
missed a pill or had a stomach bug but it seems it wasn't enough to prevent me
from becoming pregnant.

About 2 weeks ago I had suspected I was pregnant simply from the fact my
belly was growing (more than usual) so I took a pregnancy test which proved
positive and scared into buying another just to check. It was negative and more
highly acclaimed than the last so I hoped for the best.

The next thing I knew I was having a miscarriage. And although I never knew
my baby was there (at least uncertain) I still longed for it and cried my way to
and from the doctors, to the hospital and back, to work and back, to my
boyfriends college and then home. My friends don't really understand quite what
this means and just keep telling me I'm too young to be a mum. I DON'T CARE! The
first thing is I don't have the advantage of trying again in a couple of months
, it'll be more like 5 years. If one more person tells me it was for the best
I'll strangle them. Also being so young has made it hard for me to find any
support that I need as most places and books concentrate on couples who are
actively trying to conceive a child.

It has to be said though that my mother has been great having been through
two miscarriages herself. I wish I could say the same for my grandmother! My
boyfriend of course was great as always and upset too. You see we are in love
and we always will be and hopefully in the near future with a good job, income
and marriage behind us we'll have at leat three kids to think about. Thanks for
listening.

Katie
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