For the last 7 years I have signed up for the Overnight Walk for Suicide Prevention, to push my body through 16-18 miles through the night from sunset to sunrise. In the rain, in the cold, in the Texas Heat, the sultry summers Of New York. I have traveled from coast to coast for these events. And each time i cross that finish line, it is another victory. A personal one, and for Mental Health Awareness in general.

Over the last 7 years, I have participated in this journey through the night as as symbol of my own journey out of the darkness. Each year is another chance to celebrate the milestones in my personal life. Through this event I found a purpose, and it fueled my passion to help others. Through the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, I was able to gain education and training which have helped me in my professional role as a Mental Health Counselor.

This year I will return to Dallas, Texas for the Overnight Walk. My trip to Dallas 3 years ago was a catalyst in my own recovery in so many ways, and it also connected me with an amazing community of people.

As I prepare to return to Texas for this year’s walk, I feel quite emotional.
I reflect on all the strides I have made in the last 3 years and I feel blessed.
Three years ago, I was picking up the pieces of my life and I would have never imagined that it could look the way it does today.

And it is through the Overnight that I hope to continue to share my story. To inspire others, to help those who are struggling find the help they need. To reach out and let others they are not alone, the same way so many people have done for me through these events in the past. To show that you can still thrive while living with a mental health condition. And to continue to celebrate this second chance at life that I have been given.

If you would like to support me in this journey through the night, as a fight to break down silence and stigma and raise awareness for Mental Health please click the link to donate:

We are alive. We made it. When your world crumbles at your feet, and your lungs are weighed down with the pressure of a million disappointments, and your heart is far too broken to pump one more ounce of blood, sometimes there only seems as if there is one choice. But if you are reading this and you have survived the darkest day(s) of your life, then I say this to you:

We are more than survivors,We are WARRIORS. Because it not been easy to pick up the pieces of our lives and place them back together. Not in the way in they once were, but into a beautiful glorious masterpiece. Yes there will be scars, there will be cracks in our crevices, but still we are beautiful. Our lives are beautiful. And i know its not easy, and I know some days you still want to give up, and you don’t yet see that beauty. But know this: You have touched my life, you have made a difference just by being in it.

We have made it this far. and that is the testament to the fight that is within us, even when we don’t think we have the strength to fight anymore. So on the days that you feel like giving up, remember how far you have come. Remember how much you are loved. Remember that someone out there can’t imagine their life without you in it.

I know that it is not easy, because I walk the same road. But never once think that you fight this alone. You don’t have to give in to the thoughts of destruction. I promise you this life, is worth fighting for. Things take time. It isn’t going to be perfect. And it wont seem better right away. But if you are willing to fight, dear warrior. I’ll stand right beside you and wage war.

To Close out National Suicide Prevention Week I wanted to share this piece of spoken word poetry that I absolutely love. I believe in power of words, for in the depths of my own despair someone took the time to speak HOPE and LIFE into me. A year ago I came across this spoken word poetry and I could not help but be brought to tears. I urge you to take a few minutes out of your day and just watch this video and let the words move you.

We have made it this far. Let us make the promise to ourselves and each other, that we will fight for our tomorrows.

Each year for World Suicide Prevention Day, To Write Love on Her Arms organizes a campaign centered around a theme. And each year I participate in sharing my story in relation to that theme.

This years theme: Stay. Find what you were made for.

In a year where I have experienced the highest of highs and the deepest pains. A year where I spend days helping strangers fight the grips of addiction and my nights begging those I care for to just hold on. A year where I have finally felt as if I put my struggles far behind me, only to be thrown into circumstances that were all too familiar and far too painful to bear. A year when I stepped away from a life that was comfortable and easy and jumped feet first into the unknown. A year where I finally had my dreams come true and celebrated yet another milestone in my recovery.

This theme seems almost like kismet to me, because this has been a year that has tried and tested me, shown beauty and strength in the trials, and made me realize just what I was made for.

I was made for dancing beneath the moonlight with sand between my toes.
for the tranquility and peace that an ocean can bring.
for standing in the rain and letting joy wash over me.
for the divine pain that comes from laughing too hard for too long with loved ones.
for the feeling of awe that covers me every time I watch the sun set.
for warm cups of coffee on silent cloudy days
for the adventures and wisdom found between the pages of a book.
for the rhythm of drums and guitars that flow through my veins.
for the words in the songs that feel as if they were written for myself alone.

I was made for the power of forgiveness and redemption.
for lifting others up and never tearing down
for sharing in the sacred joys in the lives of those I love.
for the power of a good conversation and a good meal
for midnight phone calls and the comfort in the strength of arms.

I was made for COMMUNITY.
I was made for meeting others in the midst of their labyrinth and guiding them to light.
I was made to hold the broken pieces of others lives and help them find the beauty in putting it back together.
I was made for embracing my own second chance at life and helping others do the same.

I was made for LOVING fiercely and fully.

I made for believing in HOPE.

I was made to live this life with intention, gratefully, joyfully, and courageously

This year I will be traveling to San Diego, California to participate in my 5th Overnight Walk for Suicide Prevention.

The Overnight Walk is a 16-18 mile walk that takes place each year beginning at sunset and going through the night until the sunrise. This is meant to symbolize bringing the issues of suicide and mental health conditions Out of the Darkness and into the light of day. This event aims to break down the stigma that is so often entangled with these subjects.

The Overnight Walk creates a safe space for those who have lost someone they love to suicide to grieve together and celebrate the memory of their loved ones. And for other participants, like myself, who struggle with mental health conditions, it is a safe place to not only share our stories of hope, but to find warmth, love and compassion in the arms of others who understand. It a safe place to create a conversation that will go far beyond ourselves, and save lives by breaking the silence.

Many of us have struggled in the darkness for so long, because we have been told that suicide, addiction, and mental health conditions are not be spoken about. And we have had to carry the burden alone for a long time. But it is through the Overnight Walk that we allow ourselves the freedom to raise our voice, to crack through the silence of the night, and call attention to the bigger picture.

Talking about suicide, saves lives. By breaking walls of the things that we are not “supposed to talk about”, we allow those who are in the deepest pain to reach out to us when it is most needed. And we allow ourselves to step into those dark situations and offer hope, even when others may not feel it. WE are a safe haven, and we want to extend that compassion and hope to the communities and individuals we encounter on a daily basis. Whether it is our closest friend, or a stranger on the commute to work, we aim to be the connection that keep someone from the brink of life and death.

As I continue to prepare for this year’s event, I will continue to share my connection to the cause. I ask that you watch the video down below to understand just how impacting this event is to those of who participate in it.

Tonight I feel beautiful.
I feel confident.
I feel strong.
But most importantly I feel healthy.

The road of these last two years of recovery has not been an easy one in any way. But it has been worth it, to stand on the edge of this important night feeling the way I feel, I knowing that against all odds I have made it out alive. I am stronger than I have every been, and I am living out my truth and pursuing my dreams.

Tonight I will be surrounded by friends who have become like family. Relationships fostered through honesty and transparency. I let go of the fear of letting others in.
They have seen me through my worst and my best days and are still by my side.
My story has not caused them to run away and judge me.

My recovery is a personal journey, that only I can control. But that does not mean it is something I have to do alone. These last 2 years of recovery have been significantly different from the past 16 years of living with depression, eating disorders and self harm addiction. And I know it is in large part attributed to the community I now have surrounded myself with. For many years I was isolated, hiding behind a smile and rehearsed words, believing that i had to be the “strong one”. Believing that just ignoring the problem would allow it to get better. That is why I am so blessed to have people in my life now who are walking the same journey. Taking back their lives, making the decision to be brave and honest about what they are going through. And I am thankful for the ones who have never been in my shoes, but try their best to understand and offer me acceptance, kind words and a hug. Even when depression wants me to believe I am alone in my pain I know that is the furthest thing from the truth, because I have been living it out in the last two years.Community helped to get me this far. There is power in allowing others to be a part of your story.

Tonight I return to the place where I thought my world fell apart. A place that has held much pain and anxiety in years past. But tonight I know that I can enter with held held high, grace on my lips and joy in my heart. I am no longer that brokenhearted person who wanted to throw it all away.

I am in love with my life and everything in it.
I have to strength to weather the highs and the lows.

The Hope that was ignited within me, has set me on fire with passion.
I am a wildfire.
Nothing can hold me back.
Nothing can keep me from reaching the life I have always dreamed of.

These last two years have been proof of that, and I am ready for a lifetime more.

Every year I come back to this post because there is something so honest about it.

As I stood on the edge of 2016, I was hopeful. I was filed with such determination to not allow the year the play out like every single one before it. For the first time in a very long time, I believed in the power of change.
I believed that I could leave it all behind me.

In those moments, Hope was a Wildfire.
And that Hope fueled me through the tough months ahead.

Midnight meant that I made through nearly one year of recovery, but it was still a new road to me. It was self preservation and determination that had gotten me through.
But I wanted to thrive, not just survive.

I remember ringing in the new year watching Demi Lovato perform, someone who I look up to in recovery because our paths have looked a lot alike. And I was proud in those moments to see her happy and healthy and living her dreams and I wanted the same.

I welcomed the possibility of a life truly free of the things that I have battled for so long.
A year where I wouldn’t drown my sorrows in alcohol and the comfort of a razor.
A year where I could be healthy enough to help others.
A year where I could see my dreams coming to fruition.
A year where happiness and love would overflow
instead of the cover of darkness and depression.

and as I stand on the edge of 2017…

Every single one of those Hopes has come to pass.
And my heart can barely handle just grateful I feel in these moments.

We are alive. We made it. When your world crumbles at your feet, and your lungs are weighed down with the pressure of a million disappointments, and your heart is far too broken to pump one more ounce of blood, sometimes there only seems as if there is one choice. But if you are reading this and you have survived the darkest day(s) of your life, then I say this to you:

We are more than survivors,We are WARRIORS. Because it not been easy to pick up the pieces of our lives and place them back together. Not in the way in they once were, but into a beautiful glorious masterpiece. Yes there will be scars, there will be cracks in our crevices, but still we are beautiful. Our lives are beautiful. And i know its not easy, and I know some days you still want to give up, and you don’t yet see that beauty. But know this: You have touched my life, you have made a difference just by being in it.

We have made it this far. and that is the testament to the fight that is within us, even when we don’t think we have the strength to fight anymore. So on the days that you feel like giving up, remember how far you have come. Remember how much you are loved. Remember that someone out there can’t imagine their life without you in it.

I know that it is not easy, because I walk the same road. But never once think that you fight this alone. You don’t have to give in to the thoughts of destruction. I promise you this life, is worth fighting for. Things take time. It isn’t going to be perfect. And it wont seem better right away. But if you are willing to fight, dear warrior. I’ll stand right beside you and wage war.

To Close out National Suicide Prevention Week I wanted to share this piece of spoken word poetry that I absolutely love. I believe in power of words, for in the depths of my own despair someone took the time to speak HOPE and LIFE into me. A year ago I came across this spoken word poetry and I could not help but be brought to tears. I urge you to take a few minutes out of your day and just watch this video and let the words move you.

We have made it this far. Let us make the promise to ourselves and each other, that we will fight for our tomorrows.