A place for me to speak-out. A chance for my soul to seek...
' Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue, the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and the half light, I would spread the cloths under your feet;
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams '
- William Butler Yeats

Saturday, February 24, 2007

What am I Doing ??

Sometimes I wonder why I am living this life. Why do I have to work 16 hours a day, put up with unclean, noisy room mates, eat tasteless food and live away from home? Why do I have to live in constant doubt of my happiness? And why do I have to go on, blinding myself to all these ?

Yes, I agree I have to work hard, make sacrifices now so I can live my life later. But what happens to my life at the moment? I simply turn my back on it and start working..again. Why is it so important to please my clients when I am myself displeased, dissatisfied and frustrated? Money? Security? Job? Dignity?

Sometimes I wish there was no money, there were no rich, no poor. No literacy, no illiteracy. No happiness, no sadness. No light, no darkness.

What would it be to have such a life? Where everything is neutral. You simply exist without purpose, without reason. Living, moving things. In all directions, moving as though operated by a lever. No expression, no feeling. Existing for the sake of existence. Nobody is happy when a child is born. Nobody cries when his dear ones die. No marriage, no festivals. No bonding, no break ups. No fights, no reconciling. No love, no hatred.

That our eyes were made to see, not admire. Our ears to hear, not listen. The hands to touch, not feel. The soul to be, not live.

It's hard to imagine. Hard to digest!

I go thro' this everyday. At the end of it, I am thankful to whomever concerned.. thankful that I can touch and feel and see and admire and breathe and talk and express and most of all, live.

The truth is that we are so busy with life that we miss out on all the things that really matter? The truth is that we work hard now for the future but don't realise the present slipping away in front of our eyes? The truth is that we are so tied up by the rules of this world, this society that we fail to think any different ? Well yeah I have received many "FWD"s of this kind.But I think the truth is that we have been designed to think this way, to feel this way and to live this way. It's all a part of a design. The designer? We are all in search of the designer. I have to accept it and go on as life takes me. I have the liberty to make decisions, to decide the kind of life I want to have. But in the end, nothing matters. My past, my present, my future.. nothing!!

Okay looks like I totally messed up this blog! I am not sure what I wanted to write. I started at something and ended up sounding like a philospher! It's embarrassing to say it, but yes I am confused! ( I mean there's no time I am not!)