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I am dilated to a 2, 2½. Great progress from Wednesday. He stripped my membranes again.

If I do not go into labor by Sunday, I am to go to labor and delivery at 4pm. I will receive an enema (Yay!… Not!)(Apparently my doctor likes a clean delivery. Lol) about an hour or two after he will come in and place something called laminaria into my cervix. It is the only method that he can use with my previous c-sections. Basically it is a seaweed stem that will absorb the moisture and gradually swell to help dilate and soften my cervix. It will have to be in place for 12 hours. During that 12 hours, I will have to lie flat and use a bed pan if I need to use the bathroom. Ugh! This all sounds so exciting, right?!

After that 12 hours he will check my progress and we will see where things go from there.

I have had a lot of cramping and bloody show from this mornings appointment.

Funny TMI: I have not worn a pad in years and now I’m wearing this pad that they gave me (because of the bloody show) and I feel like I’m walking bowlegged and waddling. LMAO! I forgot what it felt like to wear these things!

How far along? 38 WeeksTotal weight gain: 16lbs.Maternity clothes? Yep.Stretch marks? I do have some stretchmarks that are getting longer.Sleep: Terrible! I’m up 50 freaking times to pee and this extreme ligament pain is making it really difficult.Best moment this week: Completing my ‘to buy’ and ‘to do’ lists.Miss Anything? You really don’t want to see the list…Movement: YES! (First movements: 8/30/12) His movements are actually painful/uncomfortable now, but still just as active as ever.Food cravings: Anything cold. Typically, I only drink my bottled water at room temperature, lately, I’ve had to have it in the freezer until it’s a little icy before I’ll drink it.Anything making you queasy or sick: I’ve been very nauseous the last few days. Not sure if it’s a sickness or just nerves about the delivery being so damn close.Have you started to show yet: YesGender prediction: It’s a BOY!Labor Signs: Hopefully soon!!!!Belly Button in or out? Out!Wedding rings on or off? Off. 😦 I’ve been wearing them on a necklace.Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, but I just feel miserable.Looking forward to: My doctor’s appointment on Friday!!!

Doctor’s appointment update (2/06/13):

I’m finally dilated!!! Only to a 1, 1 ½ he said, but it’s progress made.

My cervix is favorable for a vaginal delivery!

He stripped my membranes. This wouldn’t have been so bad if my cervix were not posterior and he was not trying to pull the damn thing forward! OUCH!!!

Ordered to have lots of sex and do lots of walking before I see him again Friday morning. He told me he hopes to see me in labor within the next 24-48 hours of my appointment this morning. This may or may not happen, we’re just hoping.

At Friday’s appointment, he will check me again and see if my cervix has made any progress, possibly strip my membranes again and then the BEST PART! We’re cancelling the c-section and scheduling an induction for that day instead!!!!! I’m over the freaking moon right now! A trial of labor is all I asked for. And I’m getting it!

How far along? 37 WeeksTotal weight gain: 17.2 lbsMaternity clothes? Yep.Stretch marks? I do have some stretchmarks that are getting longer.Sleep: Terrible! I wake up an aching mess.Best moment this week: Dropping 7 days off of our countdown to baby boy’s arrival. Yet, the saddest moment I’ve had this week.Miss Anything? My pre-pregnancy clothes.Movement: YES! (First movements: 8/30/12) His movements are actually painful/uncomfortable now, but still just as active as ever.Food cravings: Ice. No real food cravings.Anything making you queasy or sick: My job. LOLHave you started to show yet: YesGender prediction: It’s a BOY!Labor Signs: No.Belly Button in or out? Out!Wedding rings on or off? Off. 😦 I’ve been wearing them on a necklace.Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, but so ready to have this baby.Looking forward to: Completing ‘to do’ and ‘to buy’ lists.

Doctor’s appointment update (1/29/13):

So… You remember that post I wrote yesterday? Well, forget about it! Dr. Gordon told me this morning that things have changed!!!!!!! I am over the fucking moon excited right now! He informed me that he held a phone conference with the hospital that I will be delivering at about my wish for a VBA2C’s. The result is, he won! So long as I go into labor before my scheduled c-section date (February 11th), I will be able to attempt a vaginal birth!!!!!! He won’t cancel my section all together because he is concerned about the amount of fluid I have and the issue of baby’s kidneys. But there is still hope, no matter how slim the chance. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot contain my excitement! I am just so freaking happy! I cried like a baby in the doctor’s office. He just laughed and hugged me.

My cervix is soft, but not dilated. He tried to force it to see if it would respond (OUCH!), but said I stayed tightly closed. So I’m crossing my fingers that things change quickly. He said that he could induce with pitocin, but pitocin will be useless if my cervix is not yet dilated or effaced. And cytotec is not recommended if you have already had a c-section. That is one of the things I think caused my c-section with Joseph.

He ordered lots of walking and sex to hopefully get my cervix to dilate.

Symptoms and other happenings:

Tender breasts.

Heartburn.

Terrible sleep.

Body aches.

Emotional basketcase.

Oh my goodness exhaustion! I swear that it gets worse by the day.

Wish me luck guys!!!! I officially have 11 days for my cervix to get the hint!

Ever since I was a child, I knew I wanted to be a mother. I definitely never planned to start as young as I did, but life happens. I would never go back and change anything, right or wrong that I have done. My past is what has made me as strong and confident as I feel today.

When it came to labor with Joseph, I never expected to have a c-section. I feel as though I were just so young and naïve about the birthing process and how much control and say so that I actually had. So things happened the way they did. Then we got pregnant with the girls. They were also delivered by c-section. Yet again, I had not educated myself. You know how many people successfully deliver twins vbac?! Or deliver a singleton after a c-section?! The numbers are astounding! Until recently, where doctor’s decide it’s their go-to so they can get back home to their ever coveted ball games on dvr.

Three or four years ago, Jonathan and I discussed having another child. We both agreed that we’d love to have one more and had even started buying things. We purchased a crib, stroller, carseat, play pen, and high chair. Then things didn’t pan out financially, so we chose to put it off. We hadn’t brought up having another child until last year. We were financially stable, our marriage is the strongest and most amazing place it’s ever been and we knew we wanted to expand our ‘little’ family.

This time I decided that I was going to educate myself and know my rights as a mother who wanted to have a VBA2C’s. The numbers are not so astounding anymore. Hell, women are planning c-sections to ‘fit their schedules’, etc. It just blows my mind! I am not saying that these women are wrong, they are their own person and their choices do not affect mine. I just don’t agree with them. People think I am crazy for wanting a vaginal birth. And that’s okay.

I found a great doctor. The only doctor on the coast that even allows his patients to deliver VBAC! He’s really great! However… The hospital in which he delivers has their own restrictions and guidelines. They don’t allow VBA2C’s. We had discussed this at my first appointment. I knew that my chances were slim to none. But he gave me hope. He told me he would do his damndest to give me the birth that I longed for, provided my safety was first priority.

Fast forward to last weeks appointment… I was informed that baby was measuring large, I had a lot of amniotic fluid and baby’s renal tubes were dilated. These things were going to push up my c-section date. I got the phone call this morning that our new delivery date is February 11th. and the hospital has informed my doctor that under no circumstance is he to allow me a vaginal birth. Unless I come in with a baby crowning, I have zero chance of experiencing a ‘real’ birth.

I have done nothing but cry. I feel as though I’m missing out on an amazing thing like I’m losing that ‘right of passage’ that every mother should get to experience. I know that the result is the same. The baby we wanted so badly will be in our arms and we will become parents once again. I’ve heard every fucking response. “The result is the same.” “Recovery is a breeze.” “You won’t have to work so hard.” “You get to have people cater to you because you just had major abdominal surgery.” “It’s not that big of a deal.” “You could die if your incision ruptured during labor.” “Your doctor knows best.” I fucking get it! I don’t want to hear them anymore. You just don’t understand until you’re wearing those shoes. Nothing anyone says will make me feel better about the situation.

I thought I had prepared myself for this situation if it were to arise… I was wrong. I am a complete mess. I feel like… less of a woman in some way. I feel as though I have failed myself. I could totally stay home a free birth, but then what if something goes wrong because I was being so fucking stubborn???

I don’t even know… I just need to breathe and keep on… Going to stuff my face with a tuna sandwich or two and probably some chocolate! Bastards! 😛

So the countdown is now set at 14 days… 14 freaking days until we meet this precious little boy.

How far along? 36 WeeksTotal weight gain: 18.2 lbs.Maternity clothes? Yep.Stretch marks? Three of my stretch marks from previous pregnancies have grown. LolSleep: Not too bad aside from the frequent peeing!Best moment this week: Seeing that our baby is still indeed a ‘he’. I was having this recurring dream about him coming out a she. He’s grown so much since our last ultrasound.Miss Anything? Not having heartburn.Movement: YES! (First movements: 8/30/12) His movements are actually painful/uncomfortable now, but still just as active as ever.Food cravings: Ice!Anything making you queasy or sick: Not that I’ve noticed this week.Have you started to show yet: YesGender prediction: It’s a BOY!Labor Signs: No.Belly Button in or out? Out!Wedding rings on or off? Off. 😦 I’ve been wearing them on a necklace this week.Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, but so ready to have this baby.Looking forward to: The little baby shower we are having at work. 🙂 Then it’s shopping time for us. Our bank account is so not going to like this. Lol

Doctor’s appointment update (1/23/13):

We had an ultrasound Tuesday. She, of course, would not tell me anything about her findings. Today Dr. Gordon discussed them with me.

Baby is estimated to weigh 8lbs. give or take 1lb. 2oz. Guess I might get my chunky baby after all! 😛

I have a lot of amniotic fluid. He did not say whether it was a cause for concern. Just mentioned that I am very full. Lol

He also noted that the tubes from the baby’s kidney’s are dilated. This typically means there is a blockage of some sort. Usually it resolves itself after baby is born and has his first pee, but there is also a chance that it will be something that takes years to grow out of. Which means daily antibiotics to prevent infections. I’m freaking out a bit about this, but Jonathan is doing his best to reassure me that it’s just a minor issue and something that we can handle if it indeed becomes an issue.

Because of his weight and the dilated kidney’s, doctor wishes to take the baby sooner than our already scheduled c-section on the 18th. He said that he’d like to take him at least the week before our original section date, so around the 11th. However, that is Mardi Gras week and he has to call to confirm everything with the surgery ward to make sure that there is an opening then. Lol I’m on pins and needles freaking out about the date that he chooses. Anxiously awaiting the phone call. It just keeps getting closer and closer.

I am measuring at 38 ½ weeks, but that could be because of all the amniotic fluid.

Baby is in head down position and I am not yet dilated.

I had the Group B Strep test and final labs today.

Symptoms and other happenings this week:

Heartburn! 😦 I will be so glad when this is over.

Hemorrhoids. Not from constipation or straining, just pressure from baby. Ugh!

Burning pain on top of my belly. Doctor said it is most likely from the weight of baby pulling down.

Just completely exhausted!

Frequent urination, but only at night. Earlier this week I went to bed at 11. Between 11 and 2, I got up to pee five freaking times! And it’s not just, ‘oh I need to pee, pee.’ It’s ‘I need to get to the bathroom NOW, pee.’

Belly button is in full ‘outie’ mode.

I can no longer wear my rings. My fingers are too swollen. I have been wearing them on a necklace though. It freaks me out that the chain will break and I won’t notice. Eek.

My hair STILL will not color right or keep the color in. Either, my hair comes out green, or my color stays on my new growth and fades from the rest of my hair after only two shampoos. So irritating. Especially when you’re a hair stylist and you don’t want clients freaking out about their hair color when yours looks like complete shit.

How far along? 35 weeks 2 daysTotal weight gain: 16.5 lbs.Maternity clothes? Yep.Stretch marks? Three of my stretchmarks from previous pregnancies have grown. LolSleep: I don’t even want to talk about it!Best moment this week: Getting great news from a friend! 😉Miss Anything? Being able to sleep.Movement: YES! (First movements: 8/30/12) His movements are actually painful/uncomfortable now, but still just as active as ever.Food cravings: Chinese sounds pretty damn good!Anything making you queasy or sick: Not that I’ve noticed this week.Have you started to show yet: YesGender prediction: It’s a BOY!Labor Signs: No.Belly Button in or out? Out, but not all the way out.Wedding rings on or off? On during the day, off at night. I swell so much at night.Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy.Looking forward to: Taking our family photos this weekend. It’s been so long since we’ve had pictures done together!

Doctor’s appointment update:

I am now seeing him weekly.

I am still measuring ahead, but only by a week now.

Next week I have an ultrasound and will be tested for Group B Streptococci.

There are only 31 days left until my scheduled c-section!

Symptoms and other happenings:

Pain on the top of my belly. It’s more of a burning pain. Like my belly is too heavy kind of pain.

Braxton Hicks contractions.

Swelling.

Still hot as hell all the time. It’s a battle in the salon with the other girls and the AC. I mean, come on bitches, you can put on a fucking coat. I can’t take my clothes off without losing my job or being fined!

Baby’s movements are more uncomfortable and sometimes painful. He’s pretty squished in there now.

Rolling over in bed sucks. I feel like I need a damn handicap rail to help me.

Back hurts. 😦

I feel like I’m doing a lot of whining and complaining lately.

I’m ready to have this pregnancy over with.

Some days I feel like baby has dropped. Then other days he lives in my ribs.

I am officially waddling.

Heartburn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fatigue. I do good to make it to the kids’ bedtime. Speaking of… I need a nap.

How far along? 34 weeksTotal weight gain: 15.8 lbs. Holy batshit! I gained almost 3 lbs this week! What the hell did I eat?!?!Maternity clothes? Yep.Stretch marks? No new ones… yet.Sleep: I have had the hardest time trying to sleep. Tossing and turning, up to pee far too many times, acid reflux so bad the last two nights.Best moment this week: Getting our first gift for baby boy. Thank you sister! Muah!Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach.Movement: YES! (First movements: 8/30/12) More shifting and rolling movements now than kicking, etc. Guess he’s getting crowded.Food cravings: My mother-in-law’s German potato salad! AMAZING!Anything making you queasy or sick: Not that I’ve noticed this week.Have you started to show yet: YesGender prediction: It’s a BOY!Labor Signs: No.Belly Button in or out? Almost out! Eek!Wedding rings on or off? On during the day, off at night. I swell so much at night.Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy.Looking forward to: Actually feeling ready for this baby.

I just love how small the picture on the left makes me look. 😛

Symptoms and other happenings this week:

Fatigue.

Shortness of breath.

Irritability.

Balance is way off!

Emotional.

Acid reflux like a SOB!

Knowing that I have only 40 %&$^#*% days until the c-section is freaking me the hell out!

I am getting ever so slightly irritated with having to answer the same questions every freaking day. When are you due? Boy or girl? This your first? You know what causes that, right? *Rolls eyes* Then of course, those questions are always followed by how long I plan to go on maternity leave, what does my husband do for a living, how can you afford four children in this economy?, etc. Any more stupid questions?! Ugh! I have zero patience for people anymore.