Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Wife despises the spineless husband

A woman will often complain that her husband is too controlling or drinks too much, but two things must be kept in mind. First, some women complain no matter what the circumstances, and second, most women truly despise a man who is not controlling. Here is the current newspaper advice:

Dear Margo: I am at a loss. After 13 years of marriage, I divorced a controlling, alcoholic husband and, two years later, married a wonderful, caring man who allows me to be a person in my own right and to make my own decisions. Sounds great, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, he also allows his son and his parents to run our lives. There is no boundary these three don't feel comfortable crossing.

When his 19-year-old doesn't get his way (which is rare), he tries to make his dad feel guilty by saying it's because his dad doesn't love him as much as he loves his "new family." ...

My husband is reluctant to articulate these basic rules, ...

My husband's parents regularly come over to our house ...

Dear Lim: Lady, this is a mess. ...

Equally important is that your husband be counseled by a therapist that it's time for him to cut the cord with his parents and grow a spine.

No, a therapist will not make him grow a spine. She is the one writing for advice, and she is the one who cannot decide whether she wants a man with or without a spine.

The next letter is different:

Dear Margo: My wife's sister has asked me if I am willing to be an "anonymous" sperm donor so she can have a baby of her own. She has no interest in my paternity, only my sperm. My wife and I already have two children.

If I go through with this, would my kids be half-siblings or cousins to the new baby? Since my sister-in-law is not married, I am afraid I might have difficulty playing uncle to my own kid. I'd like to be helpful to the family, but I'm not sure this is a good idea. — Double Trouble

Dear Dub: Yoo-hoo. There is nothing "anonymous" about using one's brother-in-law's sperm. Don't do it. Your concerns are valid, and your discomfort alone is reason enough to decline.

Level with your s-i-l and explain it would unnecessarily complicate all of the relationships. Encourage her to either avail herself of a certified sperm bank or ask a friend who is not part of the family. — Margo, procreatively

There is something "anonymous" about it. It is legally anonymous, meaning that the child will have a legal mom but not a legal dad. The writer will have no legal rights or responsibilities to the child.

There are good reasons to prefer sperm from a brother-in-law instead of a sperm bank. But note how there is no comment at all on the wisdom of single motherhood.