Parenting changed after Newtown tragedy

By KARA YORIO

STAFF WRITER |

The Record

Parents no longer look at their children's elementary school principals and only wonder if they will hold teachers academically accountable or react swiftly to a bullying incident. They now size them up to decide if the administrators will put themselves between a gunman and their children. They wonder if this year's teacher could react quickly and selflessly, get the door locked and the kids quiet. They know a school "emergency" is no longer the need for stitches after a playground fall.

Parenting changed on Dec. 14, 2012.

Saturday will mark one year since the Sandy Hook tragedy in Newtown, Conn., and the event has stuck in the hearts and minds of parents and educators whose kids were gratefully far removed from the massacre.

"Absolutely," Irene Pierides, principal of Glen Rock's Alexander Hamilton Elementary School, wrote in an email. "The Newtown incident was unthinkable and made everyone feel vulnerable. I think about those teachers, the principal, and students every day. I am grateful each day when I know my children are home safely with their families."

The shootings have changed the thinking and actions of many parents, including here in North Jersey.

"After Newtown and just in general it makes you reevaluate everything," said Melinda Kelly of Montvale, who has two daughters, ages 6 and 8.

One thing Kelly did was change her school emergency contacts.

"If I can't get there, if I'm not in town, I want someone to be able to get there as quickly as possible," said Kelly, who works a couple of days a week in Princeton. "I not only think of it from a Newtown situation but it makes you think about a terrorist attack or something like that. I need someone that's here now."

In past years, Kelly's emergency contacts were her brother, who lives in Paramus, and her best friend who lives in Bergen County but about 20 minutes away. They both have their own kids to get to as well, depending on the situation. While discussing these concerns with her friends and fellow moms from her daughter's school, one woman told Kelly to use her.

"I know in my mind, if I can't get there, she's going to take my kids for me," said Kelly. "I'm putting someone down that I trust and am close enough with in my life; she's also accepting that responsibility willingly. To me, that's huge."

Kelly also makes a point to look at things like the setup of her daughters' classrooms.

"Are they in a classroom that has two doors?" she said. "Are they in a classroom that just has an inside door? I think of those things."

Many still vividly remember that day nearly a year ago and the weekend that followed — the news coverage, the similarities between the Connecticut town, school, children and their own.

"That's the same town as Haworth. That's all we kept thinking," said Stephanie Cohen, who watched the television scroll of victims' names and ages and was shaken by how easily her then-first grade daughter Devin could have been a part of that group.

"That's what I remember the most — seeing the list, you just see Devin's name right there," she said. "She was the same exact age. Devin's birthday is right in the middle of the list."

Cohen finds herself nervous each day waiting for her 12- and 7-year-old daughters to walk the short distance home from school.

"Shooting in a mall or public place is different that someone coming into a school," she said. "It really, really hit close to home."

Pierides understands the change in her role and parents' views of it.

"We are all living in a different kind of world right now and the role of educators has changed because of it," she wrote, noting the district's safety protocols and drills. "I do think it's fair that parents expect us to protect their children to the best of our ability. As a parent, I would want the same for my children in their schools."

As districts have changed procedures in reaction to the Newtown shootings, there is an unshakable sadness among many parents even as they appreciate the effort. In Haworth, the kindergarten through eighth-grade school instituted a new policy where parents have to get buzzed in through the front door and sign in at the office.

"We never used to have to do that," said Cohen, who has two daughters in the school. "As local parents, they know us."

Many school districts have had increased police presence since Newtown, some employing police officers or armed security guards full time; others brought in police officers for Election Day when the school was used as a polling place.

"I'm happy that they're there, but very sad that you can't feel safe even in a town like Haworth," she said.

At Pierides' school, a threat was called in on Election Day that prompted an evacuation, which went exactly as practiced, according to Pierides — who did not think about Newtown at that time, but instead was focused on the situation at hand.

"At that moment, the priority for me was to make sure my children and staff were safe," she said. "It was a testament to our practice drills how well the staff and students responded to the announcement that we were evacuating. We were safely out of our school in record time and everyone was calm and focused on following our well-established procedures.

"The second priority for me was letting parents know that their children were safe. Through our reverse 911 system, Superintendent [Paula] Valenti was able to notify parents very quickly that their children had been safely evacuated to another site where they could pick them up. I was concerned that when they heard of the evacuation, they would be frightened and I wanted them to know everyone was safe."

For many parents, it's still hard to reconcile their elementary school experience with their children's. Kelly had fire drills — leave your stuff, walk quickly and quietly outside. Her daughters have coded drills for lockdowns or active shooters — stay inside, be quiet and hide. Perhaps more telling is that the kids are typically unfazed by it.

"What I also think is interesting, they don't come home and tell us about them," said Kelly. "It's their normal. For us, we're like, 'Oh my God.' "

Parenting changed after Newtown tragedy

Parents no longer look at their children's elementary school principals and only wonder if they will hold teachers academically accountable or react swiftly to a bullying incident. They now size them up to decide if the administrators will put themselves between a gunman and their children. They wonder if this year's teacher could react quickly and selflessly, get the door locked and the kids quiet. They know a school "emergency" is no longer the need for stitches after a playground fall.

Parenting changed on Dec. 14, 2012.

Saturday will mark one year since the Sandy Hook tragedy in Newtown, Conn., and the event has stuck in the hearts and minds of parents and educators whose kids were gratefully far removed from the massacre.

"Absolutely," Irene Pierides, principal of Glen Rock's Alexander Hamilton Elementary School, wrote in an email. "The Newtown incident was unthinkable and made everyone feel vulnerable. I think about those teachers, the principal, and students every day. I am grateful each day when I know my children are home safely with their families."

The shootings have changed the thinking and actions of many parents, including here in North Jersey.

"After Newtown and just in general it makes you reevaluate everything," said Melinda Kelly of Montvale, who has two daughters, ages 6 and 8.

One thing Kelly did was change her school emergency contacts.

"If I can't get there, if I'm not in town, I want someone to be able to get there as quickly as possible," said Kelly, who works a couple of days a week in Princeton. "I not only think of it from a Newtown situation but it makes you think about a terrorist attack or something like that. I need someone that's here now."

In past years, Kelly's emergency contacts were her brother, who lives in Paramus, and her best friend who lives in Bergen County but about 20 minutes away. They both have their own kids to get to as well, depending on the situation. While discussing these concerns with her friends and fellow moms from her daughter's school, one woman told Kelly to use her.

"I know in my mind, if I can't get there, she's going to take my kids for me," said Kelly. "I'm putting someone down that I trust and am close enough with in my life; she's also accepting that responsibility willingly. To me, that's huge."

Kelly also makes a point to look at things like the setup of her daughters' classrooms.

"Are they in a classroom that has two doors?" she said. "Are they in a classroom that just has an inside door? I think of those things."

Many still vividly remember that day nearly a year ago and the weekend that followed — the news coverage, the similarities between the Connecticut town, school, children and their own.

"That's the same town as Haworth. That's all we kept thinking," said Stephanie Cohen, who watched the television scroll of victims' names and ages and was shaken by how easily her then-first grade daughter Devin could have been a part of that group.

"That's what I remember the most — seeing the list, you just see Devin's name right there," she said. "She was the same exact age. Devin's birthday is right in the middle of the list."

Cohen finds herself nervous each day waiting for her 12- and 7-year-old daughters to walk the short distance home from school.

"Shooting in a mall or public place is different that someone coming into a school," she said. "It really, really hit close to home."

Pierides understands the change in her role and parents' views of it.

"We are all living in a different kind of world right now and the role of educators has changed because of it," she wrote, noting the district's safety protocols and drills. "I do think it's fair that parents expect us to protect their children to the best of our ability. As a parent, I would want the same for my children in their schools."

As districts have changed procedures in reaction to the Newtown shootings, there is an unshakable sadness among many parents even as they appreciate the effort. In Haworth, the kindergarten through eighth-grade school instituted a new policy where parents have to get buzzed in through the front door and sign in at the office.

"We never used to have to do that," said Cohen, who has two daughters in the school. "As local parents, they know us."