It’s probably apparent to anyone still subscribed to this blog that it’s been abandoned. I just got so busy with my second semester and then summer fun started and honestly, I just kind of forgot this existed. And when I remembered, in brief moments, I just didn’t have the energy or desire to pick it back up. It was useful to me during some major life changes when I was working out some pretty big issues surrounding identity and community and career. But much of that doesn’t serve me anymore. Neither femme nor vegan resonates with me any longer (I remain a feminine presenting lesbian and I am still 95% vegan, though I realize many would argue with the validity of the latter claim, including me in a former life.) I don’t feel the need to study and dissect identity theory or sexual politics, at least not to the extent I did here. I’m tackling this grad school thing with much greater ease than at the start and my amazing partner and I (very recently engaged) now have a home together with a couple of cats and a dog, just like good lesbians should. My truths have evolved somewhat and I’m continuing to discover new ones.

Lawdy this has been one hell of a year, no? Early in the year I was told that 2012 would be a year of transition and holy hell was it. New career path, new apartment, new relationship and profound loss. Only one of these was expected.

I did my damnedest to face all these changes with an open heart and mind but it got to be a bit much at times. And in those moments, I was lucky enough to have someone so wonderfully supportive and honest and funny and kind to get me through and help me realize that challenge is what I do, again and again and again. I don’t take the easy road. I do hard things because I’m compelled to, because I’m not content to settle in any aspect of my life, even if it means walking away from something seemingly certain and safe, which is exactly what I did.

Speaking of that someone, sometimes something that doesn’t look good on paper ends up being a pretty perfect match. And that’s what I got…someone who encourages me and calls me on my shit and makes me face the hard stuff but faces it with me. Someone who is willing to talk it out and deal with problems rather than burying them or shutting down. Someone who makes me laugh every day but lets me cry when I need to. Someone who gives me room to grow and genuinely wants to grow with me. I am completely, ridiculously in love and finally in a healthy relationship. I couldn’t be happier.

My first semester of grad school is under my belt. Career goals are starting to solidify. Cohabitation in a new apartment is on the horizon (and I’ll be living with a dog again!). I am thoroughly excited to usher in the new year, not because I’m dissatisfied (or worse) with the current one but because I’m eager for what’s to come. It’s gonna be good, trust.

Well, I made it. I’m now 25% finished with grad school. I would love to say that I had a great time and am excited and energized about my new career path but that would be a lie. This semester was rough. Getting back into student mode was more difficult than I had anticipated. The amount of reading required was overwhelming. I’ve struggled with intense anxiety all semester, finally caving last month and going back on medication. Classes were not as inspiring as I had hoped they would be, in fact one of them was downright disappointing. My field placement suffered a snag about 3 weeks into the semester and I had to switch agencies. While my new placement is exciting (I’m part of a brand new program at an agency and seeing it built from the ground up), it’s been super slow going and terribly frustrating at times. I’m exhausted, physically and mentally, and I’m beyond ready for a break. Someone told me that grad school is designed to break you. I won’t argue with that, particularly with regards to MSW programs. But I made it, and with a 4.0 to boot. My career goals are still murky and I don’t yet have a firm decision on which concentration I’m going to choose next semester but I’m at least feeling mildly accomplished.