Saturday, December 31, 2005

I'm in Smallville video store the other day, and I see some kids in there.Two of them are wearing the standard dorky wool caps, alleged soul-patches, and extra-big pants.

The other "person" looks like a reject from A Clockwork Orange tard-party.Instead of all white, he had a black body-suit thingy with lots of chrome rings (chrome is in this year I hear), a belt buckle sized suitably for a Texan, black PLATFORM (read gay) shoes, and a bowler. Yes, a bowler hat like the guy in the Avengers. A FREAKING BOWLER PEOPLE! In Ohiya!To top off this ensemble, he had a cheerleading baton.What? OH! Sorry.He had a walking-stick/cane that he twirled around LIKE it was a cheerleading baton.My bad.

Now don't get me wrong, I own the movie A Clockwork Orange, and generally like Kubrik flicks (well, except for Eyes Wide Shut - YAWN!!!!), but Stanley's vision of the future, while dark and foreboding, wasn't even close when it came to what fashion would be like in the future.

Thank God.

However, tard-boy must not have gotten the memo regarding a movie that came out at least 16 years before his birth, and 25 years before he could begin to comprehend it.

I'm sure the effect he was going for was, "Oooh, look at me. I'm dark and creepy and complex and dangerous".

What he ended up with was "Oh, look. I live at home, don't have a job, a girlfriend, or a future, and my parents vote liberal and let me do whatever I want, while blaming Bush and everyone else for my aberrant and deviant behavior. I have issues..."

So I see this douche-bag (am I allowed to say that?) walking around the video store, and because I'm a live-and-let-live kind of guy, I ignore him.To each his own, right?Of course inside, I'm totally laughing my ass off at him, but outside, I am my normal demure, yet strikingly good-looking, self. (Hey! I think I look great! Just ask me!)

So I ask the young lady at the counter, figuring she knows about modern fashion due to her scant years, something like this:

CUG: Uhhhh, did I miss some new fashion update? I don't believe I'm familiar with that style.

Clerk: Not that I'm aware of.

CUG: You know, it kind of reminds me of the way they dressed in that movie "A Clockwork Orange".

Clerk: Yeah, it kind of does.

CUG: Or, he could just be gay.

Clerk: (Snorts loudly, then laughs). That could be. You may be on to something there.

CUG: Yeah, that's my assessment, and I'm sticking with it.

Clerk: That seems reasonable. (laughing again).

I exit to my truck, thinking perhaps I have been hasty in my judgments.Maybe I shouldn't judge my fellow man just by the way he's dressed.May pre-judging base on appearance is a BAD thing! Maybe this guy is a fine, upstanding, taxpaying, 2nd Amendment-protecting pro-lifer.

I look out of my truck through the window of the video store and see the young rapscallion again.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Looking over recent casting suggestions for 24, I had a thought of my own on this.John McClane (Bruce Willis of course) from the Die Hard movies, could be Jack's partner.He has no problem smoking terrorists, foreigners and criminals, and he's a total badass like Jack.

Maybe in the first episode John McClane could smite John McCain for being a terrorist-coddling p###y.

Maybe the Alias chick could help them!

Heh. Yippee-Ki-Yay... indeed!Crossposted at Blogs 4 Bauer!!! Check it out for more 24 fanaticism and deep insightful analysis like this!

Also, it appears that when somebody buys you DPTswag, you get firearms and firearms accessories!Why yes, that is a stainless steel Smith and Wesson model 686 .357 Magnum revolver with adjustable sights, Pachmayr grips and a 4 inch barrel. Why do you ask?

Now, I only have anecdotal info on this, but it does appear to be true here.So order some DPTswag today, and watch the gun pR0n roll in!(More Christmas gun pR0n forthcoming...)

Also, DPT swag has been shown to increase size (ya know), cure halitosis, increase IQ, and knock off 6 months of the waiting time for surgery if you're a Canadian!!! WOW!!!

But wait, there's more:

Swag is environmentally friendly. Strangle a hippie with one of these shirts and see!No fumes, just the original hippie-stench. (You may need a new shirt after that.)You'll save lead AND gunpowder!

DPTswag has been shown to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, and increase ozone to fill the hole in the ozone that you never hear about anymore.

If you don't buy DPT swag, this (below) might be the only firearm you get!And that would be sad. (Heh. Wait till you see what I cut that out for!!! Woo-hoo, indeed!)

Disclaimer: This information has been collected, collated and sifted through with the same care and dedication to truth and facts that liberals use to promote global warming, the war on poverty, and gun control schemes. So all of this must be true!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Man!Double-memed this time by Moonbatty and Alli!The torture never stops.....

OK.Here goes:

What were you doing ten years ago?Just starting at GM.

What were you doing one year ago?Working at GM, teaching, consulting a little.

Five snacks you enjoy:BeerScotchalmondspowdered doughnutsalmost anything wrapped in bacon (mmmmm....bacon...)

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:Still Life - Iron MaidenPros and Cons of Hitchhiking - Roger WatersSee Emily Play - Pink FloydBroken Hearts Are for A**holes - Frank ZappaPostwar Dream - Pink Floyd

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:Hire a hit on Michael MooreBuy a house for my mother, my daughter, and one for my youngest brother.Buy Haliburton stock.Buy a gun, or two... heh.Pay off my bills.

Five bad habits:Coffee.Beer.Scotch.Coffee.An occasional cigar.

Five things you like doing:BloggingReadingShootingSleepingBeing married.

Five things you would never wear, buy, or get new again:Wear - Super-oversized pantsBuy - Dinner Bell products (they totally screwed their workers here. Totally.)Buy - Foreign nameplate vehicles (you don't poop where you eat...)Wear - Jewlery or a wristwatch. Job hazards (up to and including death), plus I destroy them.Use: Windows NT (unless I have to!)

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Charlie Brown: [shouting in desperation] Isn't there anyone out there who can tell me what Christmas is all about?

Linus: Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you. Lights, please.

[a spotlight shines on Linus]

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night.And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the lord shone round about them, and they were so afraid.And the angel said unto them, Fear not, for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you this day is born in the City of Bethlehem, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.And this shall be a sign unto you; you shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men'".

That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!Out of the mouths of (cartoon) babes.I think Linus (quoting Luke, of course) kind of said it all, don't you?

I miss the days when this wasn't offensive!

Merry Christmas to all of you, and may the Lord bless you on this, and all days.Thanks, as always, for stopping by and may your new year be blessed, happy and productive!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Today starts the official countdown for the new season of 24. That is, there are 24 days until the season premiere.

I'm ready! Now, let's get Kim back for a few episodes, and then have her killed for her stupidity once and for all.She's cute, but honestly, she's just too stupid to live.So let's send her off with a proper demise. Something involving explosives, hopefully.We have to face facts, the mountain lion sub-plot was gay.

All right folks, get on over to Blogs for Bauer to get the skinny on all that 24 goodness.Expect a real post on this later!Woo-hoo!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Observations from a weekend shopping trip, in which I didn't buy much...

1. There are like a million good looking women at malls.I am fortunate in that I arrived with the best looking one of them all, and left with her as well.Yay me! I'm Mr. Lucky!

2. I still hate big cities. I need a reminder occasionally.Noise, traffic, crime, traffic, too crowded, traffic, traffic, traffic...oops.(Shades of: "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...")Yes, I am a hilljack, but one by choice.

3. If the economy is so horrible, like all the leftards say, WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE SPENDING HUGE GOBS OF CASH COMING FROM?!?!?!?!Good Lord! I couldn't even breathe in there!And all these poor, unemployed shoppers are driving pretty dang new cars. (Now if we could get them to buy American made ones, all the better!)

4. Even fly-over country Indiana has a bunch of goth-freaks. Is this a genetic permutation, or just a fad. I'm all for personal expression, but the whole "I want to remind you of death" thing is just plain annoying. And kind of gay, too.

MADRID, Spain Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan led a small protest Saturday outside the U.S. Embassy to denounce the war in Iraq.

Small? Don't you mean minute? Miniscule? Infinitesimal?

About 100 protesters carried banners criticizing President Bush.

Bwhahahaha! 100? Sheesh. If I double that number with a pro-Iraq party, will the AP come to my house? Hi Mom!! I've got one word for Cindy to get the crowds to show up: KEGGER.

Sheehan, whose soldier son was killed in Iraq, called Bush a war criminal and said, "Iraq is worse than Vietnam."

It's bad. It's really, really, really bad. Look here.It's because of the jooooooooos.Additionally, they wanted everyone to know that Murtha and Kerry were in Viet Nam.Oh, and that we should surrender...to anyone...everyone...every time... Culture of corruption. Bush lied, kids died. (Insert any wacky leftist bumper-sticker slogan here.)

The protest also was called in memory of Jose Couso, a Spanish television cameraman killed on April 8, 2003, in Baghdad when a U.S. tank fired at a hotel where many foreign correspondents were staying. Reuters cameraman Taras Protsyuk, a Ukrainian, also was killed in that incident.

So if the reporters hadn't been killed, how many protestors would have showed up then? 6? 8?

Thanks a lot for honoring the memory of the fallen soldiers, that actually DO SOMETHING in a war.

Feel free to leave your own caption in the comments section. I kind of liked the Stella one, ala Elaine from Seinfeld...

Friday, December 16, 2005

(Click on pic for a view of pretty-pretty ammo boxes!)Yee-haw! The ammo-elves paid jimmyb a visit today!(Additionally, they kicked the under-pants gnomes asses! Steal my tighty-whiteys will ya!)

Ahhhhhhhh. Little brass encased copper-jacketed nuggets of happiness, goodness, safety and freedom, waiting to be launched at paper targets, potential food, evil-doers and gun-grabbing dirty-commies (who are also evil-doers by definition).Merrily speeding their way along shallow arcs to a final point of impact.

*sniff*

The little guys run out so fast...

Sadly, having too much ammo is like having too much health or good luck.*Sigh*You just can never have enough...

On a related not, here's how to tell if you may live in a VRWC (vast right-wing conspiracy) household:

Fellow Patriots: Just a reminder to those interested in doing a a very quick and simple little thing tomorrow - a personal yet powerful statement for this historic election in Iraq. Show your support for the Iraqis, as well as our own troops who have sacrificed so much to make this happen. Celebrate Purple Finger Day! (I will be taking a purple "Sharpie" to work with me tomorrow - my colleagues should beware!).

Freedom rocks! Congrats to the Iraqis!!!

Thanks to Righting America for the great idea.And yes, jimmyb's finger is purple today at work, and will be tonight when I give the final exam for my class.

Amazing the voter turnout they have there, given the potential dangers.

I'm so happy for these folks. I've been praying for this.I hope the good news continues!

And to the MSM: I'm terribly sorry you didn't get the bloodbath you wished for.Asshats.

Eds note: Where us Americans would run away screaming with a rictus of unimaginable fear, Iraqis smile and congregate with their children around people that terrorize them. This is because their culture is different, and plus, they're just not that bright.Trust me, these folks are paralyzed with fear.(/sarcasm)

(Click on poster for a better view!)From A Human Right. A great pro-2nd Amendment site.

Freedom isn't just what the government says you can do.

I notice the NAACP and most leftists are anti-gun.They also profess they want to help minorities.I would think disarming black, Jews, and other minorites would be the last thing they would want...They say the police will protect them, and the next day say the police are racist bigots.

Typical liberalism, to say you can have it both ways to further an agenda, while endangering those you claim to serve.I'll bet the most vocal opponents of gun-rights go out with many guns protecting them (Clintons, Bradys, Feinsteins, etc.). Which is perfectly ok, for THEM.That's one of the advantages of being in the elite groups of activists and politicians.

Us commoners however...

Moral: Don't be a slave; it's not just a color issue, it's a hardware issue.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Well, I've been memed by the Doc (that's Dr. Phat Tony, FYI) and asked to list 5 weird habits.As much as I detest memes, I will do them on occasion. (Especially if it's Doc!)So here goes:

5. When someone says something questionable or incorrect (or just plain stupid) I like to say, "Reeeeally?".

4. I have a little cheap digital recorder to record stuff to blog about. This is because I have a lousy memory for things like that. People think its for recording stuff for work, or organization, or for a calendar or reminder, but it's just for blogging.

3. I hate to wear boxer shorts. I must wear the tighty-whiteys. NO going commando.This will never change.To quote Kramer: "I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house!"

2. I love my country, I think the US Constitution should be the law of the land (maybe all lands!), I think our culture is superior to most (all?) others, I believe vehemently that the 2nd Amendment protects all the others, and hippies and commies piss me off.I profess this to people.

Often.

Oh, wait. That's only weird if your a liberal.

Never mind.

2. I think a fun Saturday night is when I go to the pistol range and I'm the only one there (multiple lanes to use, YAY!). Well, I'd like my wife there, if she wasn't on 3rd shift.

1. I can quote many (most?) lines from the movie "Spaceballs", and I do.("There's only one man who would DARE give me the raspberry.... LONESTAR!")

So thanks, Doc! I owe you one.Really. ;)

Is there a master list of who already got tagged with this meme?Or should it just die here?

Friday, December 09, 2005

The DRUDGE REPORT has learned from a top GOP operative that the Republican National Committee will provide state parties with a web video prior to release tomorrow afternoon that shows a white flag waving over images of Democrat leaders making anti-war remarks.

Good! It's true, it's appropriate, it shows where the left really stands.(Which is shoulder to shoulder with our enemies.)

The ad is in response to the controversial comments Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean and 2004 Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry made earlier in the week.

A Democratic strategist who had the web ad described to her said, “This is way over the top but we have no one to blame but Dean, Kerry and others who continue to pander to the anti-war activists within our party.”

Hahahaha!! No s**t!Dear Lefties, please keep screaming your message out to America.Then when you get shellacked, complain that you're not getting your message out, or whine that it's being distorted by the big dumb meanies in the GOP.

I want ALL Americans to here the message of the left, not what they want us to hear, but what they really mean. I just wish the press would cover their agenda fully.

The web video advances the Republican contention that the Democrats only have a “retreat and defeat” message on the war in Iraq.

The video highlights the effect Democrats can have on the morale of U.S. soldiers.

One Republican strategist familiar with the ad said, “The Democrats, especially Howard Dean have a way of trying to turn the tables and say ‘that’s not what I meant’ – its just those ‘evil Republicans’ This video will make them crazy – it reinforces what they really believe with what they actually said – and that is devastating for the Democratic Party.”

Thursday, December 08, 2005

One of the things I like about rural living is the (relatively) low crime rate.A murder (which usually is quite rare, except for that one year in town nearby) is front-page news pretty much from beginning to conviction.A vandalism spree is likewise front-page material.

15 miles away from this town is the college where I teach.It is 5 or 6 miles away from an even smaller town that I couldn't tell you if they've ever had a high profile crime.

So anyway, this sets the stage for my vehicular profiling..

Here's how you can tell if someone is a city-dweller:

When they have a six year old Dodge Neon with some rust, parked in Po-Dunkville, and they have "The Club" on the steering wheel.

Now THAT'S funny.

I felt like waiting out in the parking-lot for the guy just so I could say, "You ain't from around here, are ya?", but I didn't.

Survivors of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor will join sailors, community leaders and guests on Wednesday for the 64th anniversary of the assault.

The crowd will observe a moment of silence at 7:55 a.m. - the moment the attack began in 1941.

A U.S. Navy ship will honor the USS Arizona, which lies submerged in Pearl Harbor with the bodies of hundreds of sailors still aboard. The Hawaii Air National Guard will fly F-15s in formation over the harbor.

The Navy's chief uniformed officer, Adm. Michael G. Mullen, is scheduled to address the crowd along with Sen. Daniel K. Inouye, D-Hawaii, who saw and heard Japanese planes drop bombs on Oahu as a teenager in Honolulu.

Navy reservists from the USS Ward, which fired the first shots of the war when its crew spotted and sank a Japanese midget submarine, will also be honored.

The Dec. 7, 1941, surprise attack on Pearl Harbor and other military bases on Oahu lasted two hours, leaving 21 U.S. ships heavily damaged and 323 aircraft damaged or destroyed.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Update: Cliff Hancuff pointed out that the quote in itallics (below), whom I had originally credited to Abraham Lincoln, was never actually said by Lincoln.I have credited whom I now believe is the original author of that. And I still agree with the sentiment. Thanks, Cliff.

I was in the process of composing an interview with Dean and then I read this and I lost teh funny about it. Stoopid leftards! He says this garbage right before the upcoming Iraqi elections.Hopefully, there is a little of teh funny in this fisking!(And if not, too bad!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA! I'm ranting anyway!!!)From WOAI.com:

(SAN ANTONIO) -- Saying the "idea that we're going to win the war in Iraq is an idea which is just plain wrong," Democratic National Chairman Howard Dean predicted today that the Democratic Party will come together on a proposal to withdraw National Guard and Reserve troops immediately, and all US forces within two years.

Dean is a traitor and I am publicly calling for his trial and execution. Seriously. Indict his butt.Today.J. Michael Waller (I think).: Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage moral and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled, or hanged.

Or impaled.

"I've seen this before in my life. This is the same situation we had in Vietnam. Everybody then kept saying, 'just another year, just stay the course, we'll have a victory.' Well, we didn't have a victory, and this policy cost the lives of an additional 25,000 troops because we were too stubborn to recognize what was happening."

Boo-hoo-hoo. I only have the Vietnam card to play. It's an oldie, but a goody. Additionally I, like most on the left, have no problem standing on, and exploiting, the dead bodies of heroes for political gain (see also, Sheehanning).Look at me pee on the cenotaph, Ma! It's for their own good! Yeeeaaarrrrggg!

Dean says the Democrat position on the war is 'coalescing,' and is likely to include several proposals.

Wow. That didn't take long. Just a few years and you guys damn near are ready to make some kind of lame-assed decision. I am in awe at your intellect and decisiveness.It is truly a wonder that all do not call upon you for your sage leadership and advice.

"I think we need a strategic redeployment over a period of two years," Dean said.

Read: Cut and run. Surrender. Leave the Iraqis to the wolves. (Install warlords and despots here.)

Dean didn't specify which country the US forces would deploy to, but he said he would like to see the entire process completed within two years. He said the Democrat proposal is not a 'withdrawal,' but rather a 'strategic redeployment' of U.S. forces.

Howard Dean isn't a "coward and a traitor" but rather, a "seditious turncoat asshat".

"The White House wants us to have a permanent commitment to Iraq."

Says who?

This is an Iraqi problem. President Bush got rid of Saddam Hussein and that was a great thing, but that could have been done in a very different way.

How? By saying "Pretty Please", or letting the UN bury him in paper resolutions for a few decades longer? Wait for him to die of natural causes, maybe?

But now that we're there we need to figure out how to leave. 80% of Iraqis want us to leave, and it's their country."

Was that an Al-Jazeer, or CNN poll. Eh, like it matters...

Dean also compared the controversy over pre-war intelligence to the Watergate scandal which brought down Richard Nixon's presidency in 1974.

HAHAHAHA! You wish! Everyone was on the same page on pre-war intelligence, including your false idol, credibly accused rapist, and resident disbarred sex-offender, Mr. Billy-boy himself.Nice rewrite of history you guys are doing, though.Some actually believe it.Others read.

BLAH BLAH BLAH. Bush lied, kids died.Yawn.If you have evidence of a crime, let's have it.

So, there you have it. A traitorous, evil excuse of a party leader.Democrats: You should be beaming with pride at your pro-America, pro-troops leader.

So, being eminently qualified, I will wire up the electric-chair for Howard personally.Or grout in the pike.Treason IS a capital crime.While we're at it, maybe we can get the Billary clan in there for selling our nuke secrets to the Red Chinese. Woo-hoo!! Three-fer!

OOOOHHHH! WAIT!!!I've got it!An electrified pike!!! Steel and copper and electron-flow goodness!!! AWESOME!I'm thinking of using a pulse-width modulated drive with analog PLC controls for an infinitely adjustable smoky good time. Maybe even get the flux-vector option to add some entertainment.Hi-tech electronics meets old-school smiting!

And, as a caring uniter, I will extend the olive-branch to the left, and make the whole system solar and wind powered (of course, with a nuclear-powered backup power supply).

Monday, December 05, 2005

Recently released crime statistics show the homicide rate in California is 265 percent higher than the death rate suffered by U.S. and British military personnel in Iraq.

According to the report "Crime in California 2004," compiled by California Attorney General Bill Lockyer, there were 2,394 reported homicides in the Golden State last year. That compares with 905 deaths of coalition forces in Iraq, chiefly Americans and Brits, during the same time period.

The Marxist experiment/quagmire known as Kalifornia, has come to the point of hopelessness.

We should cut our losses now, get the conservatives out, and blow the fault line, jettisoning a dangerous radical state into the ocean. (Many of life's best solutions involve high-explosives!)

How many more innocent lives are we going to sacrifice on the alter of good intentions and political correctness?And let's be honest.It just isn't working. There was flawed data."Those people" just can't handle true democracy and capitalism.

We'll find places for the Point 5 crew, Difster, (Mensa B?), Bruce Willis, Ron Silver, and the few other California conservatives. We can put them up in hotels for a while, till they get back on their feet. (Probably about 12 hours or so.)

Lets face it, we've been there since 1846, and no matter how much social engineering, unconstitutional gun-control, price capping, ungodly high taxation, and bad movie and television programming is applied, the death rates are just plain unacceptable.There is no exit strategy; no end in sight.I thought there was hope when Gray Davis got his butt handed to him, but I was wrong.If we can't button up Iraq in 2 and a half years, how can we expect the left coast to be secure in 160 years?

Withdraw now! It's hopeless!!! We can't win!Boxer lied, kids died!Feinstein has the blood of innocents on her hands!Gray Davis is a tard!Culture of corruption!Conservative bloggers unite!!!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

If you haven't seen this yet, go check it out.It's the Wizards of Winter video with the musical piece of the same name by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.The house Christmas (yes, I said CHRISTMAS) lights are syncronized with the music, and it's good music, too.

I think this is real from what I've read, but either way, it is impressive.