I once again have returned home following my assignment at our mission in Port of Spain, Trinidad.
Sir, I attended (against our diplomats’ advice) a run at Pepper Village, Central Trinidad. You cannot imagine the spirit of these people who braved the most inclement weather to attend their bi-weekly run. I tell you Excellency nothing will stop these people from their beloved Hashing. I have been appealing for years for our government to allow hashing in our country but permission have been declined because of certain misconceptions.

Hashing is not Hashing Your Excellency. They don’t smoke, they just drink a little bit of weak alcohol. Further they celebrate a Poofter on every run but this is not a homosexual. I know homosexuality is banned in Botswana and therefore, there is no Poofter in Botswana.

Your Esteemed Excellency, may I humbly point out Hashing originated in December 1938 in Kuala Lumpur by a group of British Colonial Officer and the following constitution was written in 1950.

The Constitution of the HHH
1. To promote physical fitness among our members
2. To get rid of weekend hangovers
3. To acquire a good thirst and to satisfy it with a beer
4. To persuade older members they and their sexual organs are not as old as they feel.

Your Highest Most Esteemed Excellency, at present there are over two thousand Hash groups in the world , the most pre- eminent being Trinidad and Tobago.

I trust your government colleagues will reconsider their refusal to allow Hashing in our country.

Your humble servant
I kiss your feet
Abubaka Belewa Tefawa

Welcome to all our guests from abroad .Welcome Suriname . Welcome Barbados. It is a great honor to have you come here to learn what Hashing is all about in beautiful Tobago. The year is running out and I am no closer to enlightenment than I was at the beginning (except for that time at the Palm Village Bar in Kernahan Village).>br />
Together let us drink , run and find this damned enlightenment. I know that China, Donkey Shot and Moron have bought gems of wisdom to share amongst us along with teaching from our Religious Adviser, Gerry Soogrim.
The moving finger writes having written.

Our Virgins from Pepper Village run: Harold, Jason, Roxanne, Maissa, Anushka, Anslem, Allison, Jim, Patrick.
Who dare wear new shoes on the hash???? Marguerite, Kai and Nicholas. And the Poofter Award goes to Eggy and Alan.

Hash Lingo

Virgins take note of the meaning of these signs!!!

While on the trail CALL “ON ON” when you see bits of shredded paper/flour! It helps those behind/possibly lost hashers.

“O” – check for the correct trail!

“X” – you’re on the wrong trail! Go back to the check point and start again.

“ON PASS” – to pass someone on the trail.

“ON BACK” – on the wrong trail, you may have reached an “X“….turn back to the check point “O“.

“On OFF” – you’re off the correct trail.

When you are almost in you would see: “ON IN” pointing to the correct direction.

For those who can’t keep up with the ‘3F’s’ (FIT, FAST AND FURIOUS) pack then just go with the ‘3S’s’ (SMART, SLOW AND SAFE) Pack who just let them do all the work.

Well, well, well. How do I put this? You see, I can’t seem to remember much of what did or did not happen on the run, in fact, I was not even supposed to do this run since I woke up on Saturday morning with not much memory of the night before. All I remember was getting home from an early after work lime at 10.59.9pm on Friday night. So I don’t have to describe to any hasher what my Saturday morning felt like. Anyways, I did not to drive to the hash because my patience and perhaps my driving ability were afflicted. I decided to take a ride with very accommodating fellow hasher who agreed to take me there on such short notice. Looking back now I don’t know how I made it without puking on everyone during the drive, since I was sitting in the back of a pick-up truck and the ride felt like a roller coaster (at least that’s what my stomach kept saying) the brain at this point was “dysfonctionnel”.

We finally arrived at 2.30pm as mandated by the hares and waited and waited and waited (and waited) for the hares to get down to business, which eventually happened with a sigh of relief from all including my non-eager self at what I believe, must have been 3.45pm. After all was said and done we were finally off, with the pack splitting up at the beginning. I followed the front runners at a distance and hoped that they were on the right trail, and by golly was relieved when I saw the others coming back which gave me a little courage to break into a trot. We went down a little incline then up again then down onto a wide open field with the merciless sun beating down on us, at this point the pack separated again until I heard someone calling ON-ON heading into some trees, I gained further courage and bolted, eager to reach the cool, forgiving canopy of shade that was offered by mother nature.

It was so hot that 95% of my drinking water ended up on my head and skin. We did some interesting ins and outs, ups and downs, on-ons and on-backs. Finally I was able to refill my tank at a much welcomed “beer stop” which sadly for me ended up being a “water stop”. Some hashers stayed back for the beer, but me, I was just happy to grab a bottle water and head to the finish line. From my vague memory, I remember it being a well set and enjoyable run to all. Kudos to the hares, which made me make a promise to myself to never go on an early-after-work lime the day before a hash, curfew or not.

TAZ TWISTS & TURNS

people in your neighbourhood…… the people that you meet when you running through the hash …..
They’re the people that you meet every two (2) weekssssssssssssss……..la la la la…….

Hares : Natalie, Simon and Allastair – good run site, good terrain, good food and good hash.
Mahashma was not at this run, he was finding enlightenment at his son Simon’s wedding, so I decided the only way for me to know about all the action taking place on the hash was for me to put on my FBI cap. My investigations/Poofter nominations are as follows:

Eggy – It is alleged, that his back pain was because he lifted Eric (who is Gerry’s bitch)

El Tucuche – For sheltering under the beer table during the down downs when the rain came down
(the table was moved, she was left in the rain hand cuffed)Anthony from Grenada and his wife Solimar from Panama were on their honeymoon and did not tell us, as well as Anthony for saying that he is a runner and his lover is a walker and he is staying with her for the entire run.

Poofter: Anthony and SolimarHash Welcome: La Touchee and Eltucuche from Canada and June from Barbados.Virgins: Suzanne, Andre, Melissa, Lorin, Paul and Tim.

The FFF (Fit, Fast and Furious) Jersey was given to Randall Lyon for being married for over 30 years/being employed with Guardian Life for over 30 years and winning an award each year with the company/16 years of playing cricket/2 of those years playing for the West Indies/is commitment to hashing for many years. But with all of that he never tasted, touched or held an 18 year old…..so I gave him a bottle of 18 year old scotch to make up.

Hash Lingo

Virgins take note of the meaning of these signs!!!

While on the trail CALL “ON ON” when you see bits of shredded paper/flour! It helps those behind/possibly lost hashers.

“O” – check for the correct trail!

“X” – you’re on the wrong trail! Go back to the check point and start again.

“ON PASS” – to pass someone on the trail.

“ON BACK” – on the wrong trail, you may have reached an “X“….turn back to the check point “O“.

“On OFF” – you’re off the correct trail.

When you are almost in you would see: “ON IN” pointing to the correct direction.

For those who can’t keep up with the ‘3F’s’ (FIT, FAST AND FURIOUS) pack then just go with the ‘3S’s’ (SMART, SLOW AND SAFE) Pack who just let them do all the work.

From Grand Bazaar intersection, drive SOUTH on Uriah Butler Highway and exit Claxton Bay flyover ,turn right on top and drive for about a minute. Run site is at Annie’s Roti Shop & Bar on your left. Look for HHH signs. Food for sale at Bar. Roti and duck- $30.00.

This Thursday November 10th November, 2011 we acknowledge another full moon. So fellow astronomers & hashers alike, join the AZP for a Full Moon Lime at the Caribbean Airlines Invader’s Panyard from 7:00PM.

Head east on the Church-hill Roosevelt Highway until you reach Wallerfield. Turn left, heading north towards the Eastern Main Road. At intersection turn right towards Valencia. On arrival at the Y junction in Valencia turn left heading to Toco and drive approx. 15km till you reach a T junction. Turn left and drive approx 7 km following signs till you reach the village of Matura. Look for HHH sign on the left directing to Thomas Trace. Follow this road to the run site.