How To Be An Optimist

Why Real Men Are Optimists

The good news is that it’s not that hard to turn around negative thoughts and join the positive parade. A few key ideas and practices can help anyone make big changes relatively quickly.

Step No. 1: Give Yourself Permission

The first step is to allow ourselves to think optimistically. For many, this is the hardest step. We must release our fears that being positive makes us look foolish or is setting us up for disappointment. Give yourself permission to experiment.

Step No. 2: The Three P's of Pessimistic Thinking

The second step is to become aware of what’s going on in our minds. Pessimists are actually making cognitive errors — not thinking clearly or accurately — and it’s those mental and emotional mistakes that cause problems.

Some scientific research estimates that we have as many as 50,000 thoughts per day. For the average person roughly half of those thoughts are needlessly negative. Yes, that means that the average person has up to 25,000 destructive thoughts every 24 hours.

There are three broad categories of pessimistic thinking. Psychologist Martin Seligman explains it using the three P's: pervasive, permanent and personal.

Pervasive negativity means that we use words like, “all," "every," "always," "never” and so on. For example, “All doctors are idiots.” Or “Every member of [insert political party here] is ignorant,” or “You never listen to me.”

Permanent means saying things like, “This will never end” or “I [or they] will always be this way.”

Personal means that at certain moments we feel singled out, as if others or the universe is plotting against us. We say things like, “Why me?" “I am a useless failure” or, worst of all, “I deserve this.”

Just the simple act of bringing awareness to what our minds are reflexively doing gives us separation, distance and clarity. We have to practice watching our thoughts. When in a bad mood or about to take a negative action, it can help to pause just long enough to observe what’s going on in our mind.

Step 3: Dispute Negative Thoughts

The third step is to make a conscious effort to dispute our needlessly negative thoughts by changing how we think and phrase them. Whenever we catch ourselves being unfairly or inaccurately negative, we consciously reframe the thought in a more positive way.

Instead of saying, “All doctors are clueless idiots,” we might say, “There are better and worse doctors in this world. I just haven’t found the right doctor for me yet.”

Instead of saying, “This will always be this way,” learn to say, “Right now, things are this way.”

Instead of saying, “They’re a failure” or “I’m a failure,” say instead, “That one instance didn’t work out, but things can be different next time.” Instead of saying, “I deserve this,” say, “I’ll learn from this and will strive to do and be better.”

Step 4: Don't Settle

The fourth step is to make a conscious effort to look at the full range of possible outcomes and choose the best as a goal. There are always choices. We may not have every possible good outcome available but just because some things are “off the table” doesn’t mean that everything is. Don’t settle for something lesser if the possibility for something greater exists. Some of our options are bound to be more positive and better for us. Choose those.

Always remember: A real man is someone who has mastery over himself. If our thoughts and emotions run rampant, then we’ve surrendered our control. A true hero is someone who has control or mastery over themselves, even in tough situations. The more we can harness our minds and put them in more positive directions, the more successful we are, in all facets of life.