There’s no excuse for Philly not winning the NL, and the Rays have one run left in them. Halladay makes all the difference.

Losers

There’s no Chip Caray this fall, so who ruins the playoffs?Answer: Tyler PerryConfidence level: *

TBS will air a super block comedy special featuring all his crazy characters — look at how wacky they are! Oprah loves this, I should too! It’ll be a bigger fiasco than “Steve Harvey” in 2008.

Which team gets swept in the Division Series?Answer: Cincinnati RedsConfidence level:* * *

Dusty Baker’s squad is actually playing real teams this now. Cinci reached the playoffs by clobbering the low-lifes of the NL Central, the worst division in professional sports. The Reds can’t hang with a true contender.

Which player has the worst Division Series?Answer: Bronson ArroyoConfidence level:* *

We’ll stick with the Reds again here. Don’t be fooled. Just three of the right-hander’s 17 victories this season have come against teams with winning records. That’s a staggering stat and shows you just how fake the Reds are this year.

Not a chance. The best series of them all, Rays-Rangers, is slated for several afternoon starts. That’s a mistake. Allowing games to run more than four hours long is another colossal blunder. Get a pitching clock, Selig.Would you rather watch Yanks-Twins or “Little Big League”?Answer: “Little Big League”Confidence level: * * *

MLB better hope this classic 1994 Oscar snub isn’t running opposite the games on ABC Family. Billy Heywood would insert Lou Collins in place of the injured Justin Morneau and win this whole thing.

Vegas probably likes Evan Longoria, since he already unwittingly called out the fans in Tampa. The White Sox manager, though, will tweet something like: “The only thing Josh Hamilton can hit in October is a crack pipe.”

What will be Bobby Cox’s retirement gift?Answer: Definitely not a World SeriesConfidence level:* * *

A cake with his last name spelled correctly, unlike the one he received last spring. Or a spot next to former Braves great Fred McGriff in commercials for Tom Emanski’s instructional baseball videos.Phillies fans dressed in Spandex to run onto the field, O/U: 1/2Answer: OverConfidence level: *

To make up for dropping trou and streaking around the clubhouse pantless after clinching the division, Phils infielder Mike Sweeney recreates the “red man,” while blasting some Method Man.

Off the field

The best WAG in attendance will be:Answer: Joanna GarciaConfidence level:* *

We almost want to go with Cole Hamels’ wife Heidi since the best rack on “Survivor”?nowadays belongs to Jimmy Johnson. Garcia, Nick Swisher’s gal, gets the nod just ahead of Minka Kelly (Derek Jeter).

Random

Who feels like the biggest loser this fall?Answer: San Diego PadresConfidence level:* * *

You could go with Ken Griffey Jr., who would finally be playing for a title if he stuck it out in Cincinnati, but you have to go with the Dads here. They blew a 61/2-game division lead in the final six weeks of the season.

What’s next for Tim Lincecum?Answer: In this order: Haircut. Role in next “Harry Potter” movie. Top-tier WAG.Confidence level: * *

“The Freak” needs to start acting like one off the field. San Fran native and top-shelf talent Aubrey O’Day may be a good place to start.