I’ve always known Varun was good at math. I’ve always known I’m not. Actually, being told by my grade 12 calculus teacher that she “didn’t know how I got into (her) class” as I wasn’t prepared for it really hammered that point home for me.

That’s why I was born into the era of calculators, credit cards and tip calculators. It’s also why I married an engineer.

Varun studying, me taking pictures (ie, not studying)

Last night at our Date Night Dinner, I mentioned to Varun over nachos that my sister is thinking of enrolling her kids in India Math. For a moment, Varun looked shocked. I think he was thinking, These white people are so racist! I explained that it’s a tutoring program entitled India Math.

Me: Besides, let’s be honest, you are way better at math than me.
Varun: (Looking rather pleased with himself) True. I did know my times tables to 20 by the time I was 5.
Me: Um. Okay. I never learned those. People learn that…? And division, HA!
Varun: Okay, here’s a problem, let’s see if you can do it. No calculator, to two decimals places. 211 divided by 15.
Me: HA! I can’t do it. It’s something like 10. Errr, wait, no…15.
Varun: Here, use this. (He hands me an envelope)

Now, before you judge me, I want you to take out a pen and paper and try it.

Stop reading and do it.

I haven't done long division since grade 4.

Needless to say, I didn’t get very far. (And yes, that is nacho drippings on the envelope.)

Varun takes over, explaining each step to me. Somewhere during the explanation the waitress returned to ask if we wanted more beer. She saw us sitting side by side in the booth pouring over a napkin doing long division. I think she made the executive decision we were done. Back to this division business. The whole thing actually makes a lot of sense when you think about it. In fact, I learned that Indians invented decimal places. Go figure.

Varun came up with the right answer (14.06) quite quickly and then worriedly asked me if I know how to subtract. I was given a problem (bottom left of the napkin) and it turns out I do.

So yes, Sarah, I think India Math is a great idea. With any luck, your kids will know how to do long division sans calculator, or at least be able to tip their waitress without checking their phone.

After Church on sunday, Varun was chatting with someone we hadn’t met before. I approached Varun and he turned to introduce me.

Varun: This is Amelia. She’s-
Friend: Oh. (Pause) Are you…related?
Me: Nope!
Varun: Well. We’re married.
Me: Yeah. But we’re not like actually related.
Varun: Yeah. We don’t look alike. See?
(At this point we turn and smile, to show that we are not, in fact, related)
Friend: Ooooh (confused).

It wasn’t a hard question, it didn’t need to be awkward. But it was. (Don’t worry, we’re not actually related.)

1. Varun never really babysat and is very close in age to his younger sister. As a result, he has never changed a diaper and finds the idea frightening-at best. (As opposed to me who was paid by my Mom to change my little brother’s diapers (25 cents/diaper) and spent the better part of my teen years babysitting hooligans).
2. Varun finds it hilarious that humans pick up dog poop in North America.

So, one day we were driving and saw a new housing development. We started talking about houses and down payments and life.

Me: Okay, in what order do you want the following: House, Baby, Dog.
Varun: Umm…Dog. House. Baby.
Me: That’s what I thought.
Varun: Wait! Can I have a dog or a baby that doesn’t poop? ‘Cuz that would change things.
Me: Um. No. But babies get potty trained and dogs always need their poop picked up, for like 13 years.
Varun: Maybe I can invent a robotic one…Okay, your turn.
Me: Hmmm.
Varun: Why are you thinking? I already know what you’re going to pick!
Me: What? How?! I don’t even know. Okay, I’m ready. Wait! No! I changed my mind… Baby. House Dog.
Varun: HA! I knew that’s what you’d pick… Could I make a robot to change diapers?

(Unless Varun invents a diaper-changing, dog-walking robot, we may end up flipping a coin…)