From 2.5 Men 2.03 “A Bag Full of Jawea” –
Charlie: Abraham Lincoln signed the Declaration of Independence in…pen. For this you got an A?
Jake: Yeah, everybody did. I love you, Uncle Charlie.
Alan: I think you know what you have to do.
Charlie: Um…break up with Miss Pasternak, right?
Alan: Hell, no, he’s getting A’s. He hasn’t gotten an A since nap time in kindergarten.

From Burn Notice 1.06 “Unpaid Debts” –
Michael: Anyone who has handled large amounts of cash can tell you it’s one of the toughest things in the world to move. It’s heavy and dense; dead weight. If it’s on fire, of course, that complicates things further.

From Dexter 2.08 “Morning Comes” –
Dexter: What’s this? (chuckles) It’s the dragon zombie. Cody likes to hide things in my bag.
Lila: He’s trying to control you. By hiding toys in your bag, you have no choice but to return them to him.
Dexter: He’s seven. He seldom has thoughts more complicated than the desire for candy.

from RH 3.17:
[the couple from “Yes, Dear” ejects Burt and Virginia’s sex tape from machine]
Virginia: [shocked] Burt, do you believe that?
Burt: I know! I thought we were the only ones that still had a VCR.
Virginia: Me too!

from SPN 5.17:
Sam: Are you…drunk?
Castiel: No! [brief pause] Yes.
Sam: … What the hell happened to you?
Castiel: I found a liquor store.
Sam: And?
Castiel: And I drank it.

Rebecca

ABC

BODY OF PROOF – 9 (-3)
ONCE UPON A TIME – 79
MODERN FAMILY – 64 (+3)

Victors’ Village: The Middle, Castle

Still out of ABC quotes but here’s one from 30R on NBC that mentions ABC, 4.8:
[CHiPs actor Larry Wilcox is outside the studio in costume with his cop cycle, Jack’s gift to Liz]
Larry: This evening you have permission to call me Jon Baker. Oh, but, uh, no sex stuff and no touching my gun.
Liz: Of course, yeah.
Jack: Merry Christmas, Lemon.
Liz: Okay. Hee hee! [sits on motorcycle] Wait, how is this zero dollars?
Larry: Well, he promised to get me on “Dancing With The Stars.”
Liz: But that’s on ABC.
Larry: Donaghy!