Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Girls? Easy. We have the same hormones, physical attributes
and uncanny knack of always being right.

Boys? Ve-ery different. All that aggression, unexpected sensitivity and just how much food does it take to fill them up?

So, in a bid to understand boys, over the last year I've spent time watching my son on
the rugby pitch.

Here's what I've learnt:

They're an argumentative
lot -If the coach calls a boy out for messing around, the boy instantly
protests his innocence no matter how obvious the lie. Is this the difference
that testosterone makes? Is this why men negotiate their salaries as a matter
of course while women are just... grateful? (Ladies, we could learn a thing or two here.)

They fight like
puppies and come up wagging - When the boys break for a drink, there is wrestling,
piss-taking and I once heard a boy say to another - à
propos nothing - 'You're a pig-nosed git'.
No reaction. This kind of comment on a netball pitch could unleash weeks
of low level,bitching hatred. (Ladies, should we let go of the bitching?
But it's soo much fun... :-)

They whinge, whine
and then get over it - One time I watched a boy get swung around by his
shirt, which is not allowed. He whirled
around - eyes wide with outrage - to the ref. 'Play on' called the ref. Outraged
boy couldn't believe the ref wasn't
going to do anything. He threw his gum guard away, and went to sulk behind a
hedge. (Ladies, men have hormones too.)

They don't bear
grudges - Later, one of the coaches went to find the boy. There followed a
man-to-man chat. The boy came back, apologised to the ref and play carried on. (Ladies, we should forgive and forget more
easily.)

They need to be
treated like dogs - From time to time the boys got too boisterous and the
coaches called them to heel. When that didn't work, they made them run around
the pitch, which instantly calmed them down. (Ladies, should we just get dogs instead?)

It has been a fascinating year.
The coaches managed the unruly boys with a mixture or straight talking,
discipline and turning a blind eye-ness.

But although I admire the coaches for their approach, I do have
one over on them. And that's pudding.

Because I may not be versed in the ways of men and boys, but
I do know that the way to my son's heart is through his stomach.

So here's my sure fire way to communicate with a tired,
rugby-playing boy; chocolate and pineapple upside down cake.

Arrange the pineapple rings on the base of the tin (chop them in half if necessary)

If using the egg replacer, place the dry ingredients into a small bowl and add the milk/coconut milk. Whisk with a mini whisk to get rid of any lumps and set aside. You're after a consistency that's quite thick, but also resembles the consistency of a beaten egg. Have I completely confused you?

Heat the oven to 180° Celsius

Place the dairy free margarine or butter, golden syrup and sugar into a large saucepan and melt over a low heat. When melted, remove the pan from the heat

Add the egg or egg replacing mix and stir

Add the flour (gluten free or wheat), bicarbonate of soda and if using gluten free flour, add an extra tsp of baking powder. Stir to remove any lumps. Now the tricky bit; add enough milk/coconut milk to give a dropping consistency, but not too much. Nice and clear isn't it? I'd start with 4 tbsps and build it up gradually if necessary

Scrape the mix into the cake tin so that the pineapple is covered. Level the surface

Bake for between 20 and 30 minutes until the cake has risen, is springy to the touch and an inserted skewer comes out clean

Leave to cool in the tin then turn out onto a serving plate. Serve with dairy free cream, or dairy free custard or dairy free ice cream. Yummy. I want some now

Serve to the exhausted, grubby, rugby-playing man in your life. He will thank you for it

It's always a good time to make...

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