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Saturday, December 3, 2011

I think I'm Ready

I think I may be ready to take the next step in this fertility journey (I chose to say FERTILITY, instead of INFERTILITY because it's more positive).

Sunset in South Florida

For me that means going to another specialist. Let me explain why. My husband and I moved across the country right after I had the surgery to remove my fibroids. As you can imagine, that shook up things. It took me so long to find the awesome doctors who led me to that surgery that I really didn't have the time or energy to begin that search again... so soon after our move.

I obviously hoped and prayed that I would get pregnant and wouldn't have to seek any additional help, but that is not the case. Now that we've settled into a spot and I've found a job, I can begin the big task of searching for some folks who can honestly help me out. The fertility business is such a big money maker that it's really hard for me to trust some doctors. If you read any of my earlier post, you will see that I had one doctor who just wanted to keep running tests and charging me without giving me any real answers. The answer was pretty clear, I had fibroids that were disfiguring my uterus and causing me terrible pain and bloating.

Even though removing the fibroids didn't result in pregnancy, it did return my body back to the way it was about four years ago. That means my period flow is normal, my terrible cramps are two days max and I don't have the unbelievable bloating and pressure that caused me to pop Advil up until the sixth day of my cycle.

When I get frustrated, I tell myself that maybe it's a waste of time to focus on this... that maybe God just doesn't want me to be a mother. But for some reason, I can't shake the vision of a pregnant me and having a child. That may be my stubborn persistence or a sign. At this moment, I'll take it as a sign.

Of course I can't begin my research right in the middle of the holiday rush, but I will do it in earnest when it's over. It will take me some time because of skepticism when it comes to doctors, but because of where I live now, there should be some good options for me to try.

Congrats to all my pregnant friends, family and strangers out there. But I can't promise that I won't go into a tail spin of depression every time you guys tell me about your awesome pregnancy and excitement. I'm human and being infertile ain't easy.