Living Kingdom-Minded.

My husband and I took my sister-in-law, Rachel and her husband Eric to a Detroit Tigers game. We wanted to spend time with them and we wanted to do something fun for all of the work they put into Zekey’s visitation and funeral. The display of the most amazing pictures of Zekey were picked out and put together by Rachel, most of them taken from her, too. Our church where we held Zekey’s funeral was deep-cleaned by Eric and my father-in-law. We only had so much energy and it was sucked out of us quickly, so they stepped in with agape love.

As we drove through downtown Detroit, I was amazed at the beautiful, old buildings reaching the sky. I then realized, most of these beautifully crafted and architected buildings were empty. They were made for so much more but were only existing. This thought made me think of people and how we are so beautifully crafted by God, our Creator, in His image but some of us are only walking through this life existing. We are meant to be filled with the most perfect love of God through The Holy Spirit, but some are empty and trying to fill a God-shaped hole with the things of life that will eventually pass away.

I see life differently now. I look around not just at random people walking along, doing their thing but I see them as the souls. Some who clearly have no hope. Some who put their hope in their job or even in their families. Others who I sense have the hope of Jesus- I can feel it. I feel a bond that is too strong to deny. When i go to the store, dr.’s office, conversations at my kids’ school with other parents or faculty, social networking i.e. Facebook, I see an opportunity to be Jesus to them, to let them in on my faith whenever I can.

With Zekey’s life, I have been given a passion like I didn’t have before. I’m passionate about sharing the Jesus that’s in me. The Jesus Zekey reflected in his life. Sharing that what Jesus did, as we celebrate every Good Friday (you can listen to a fantastic sermon here) and Easter, that most perfect gift made Zekey more alive than ever, even though here on earth, he is no longer.

I cannot seem to keep in my Father’s love, who was ever present with us during the most difficult days and years of our life. How could I? He was and is so good. Why hoard such a gift? Zekey’s life is bringing others to know the Jesus he knew. I cannot hold that in. I will not hold it in.

As I’ve reflected and prayed through much of this season, as I’ve talked to other mommas and people on this journey we call life, who have scars of loss, suffering or were dealt with what seems to be a really bad hand in life, I can say that those who have found this Jesus that I have, are learning, too, that with scars come passion.

Not too long ago, just a few years really, sharing my faith wasn’t so easy. I never felt ashamed of Jesus in me- not ever, but I didn’t feel so excited and honored to be a part of His kingdom in such a way that made me want to scream to the rooftops whybeing a part of His kingdom is the best thing for all of us. I didn’t understand how some Christians could be so bold in sharing their faith with strangers.

I understand now. Not perfectly. Not without fault but I can see and I feel the desire and I have a passion now. After the loss and suffering in losing our boy, Zekey, and through that, the goodness and nearness of God, something happened deep in my soul. Something that couldn’t have happened with just desire alone and even occasional prayer to be more bold in my faith. It had to happen through suffering.

Part of walking around with scars, whether it’s because of loss or tragedy, maybe being born into a family whose best ( I believe we all do the best we know how considering how we were raised and where we are in our faith) didn’t bring the love that reflected the Father’s love for you. Or, maybe your own desire to follow the world brought you down a path of destruction. Whatever scars you have, they are a part of your story and if you choose to either continue on a path that follows Jesus, or you start to follow on a path to Jesus, you’ll know how redemption found in Jesus, Him sticking around through it all, will bring you a true Hope in Him paired with a passion in you to invite others into God’s Kingdom.

I’m learning, passion comes with a price.

Passion bleeds from the scars of life.

May I ask, where are you? What scars do you have? Have you seen them in this light- that they can actually bring forth a passion in us to share who Jesus is? Have you seen this as an opportunity to use these scars to reflect the Jesus in you who bore not just our sins but our sorrows, too?

Maybe you’re not there yet. Maybe you have some much needed healing to come your way before the passion comes. That’s okay. Jesus is there, I promise. You just have to look up from your mess, your scars and you’ll find Him there with you, tears streaming for all you’ve gone through. If you’re willing, He’ll grab your hand, help you up and guide you on this path we call life. At the end, if you stick with Jesus, you’ll get to live with Him forever. That’s a promise, not from me, but from Him. It’s a gift that we can receive because of Jesus’ perfect love at the cross.

I hope to keep writing more on how I’m living more intentionally with those in my life. I’m learning to ‘Live Kingdom-Minded’.

6 Comments

I love the way the Lord is using you through the pain you’ve been through, and the grace He gives for the sake of others. He has certainly gifted you, Breena! The Refiner’s fire you’ve endured has polished you into being a mighty encourager and bold witness for the Lord.

Thank you for your sweet encouragement. I think those who are willing to learn from those who have endured much suffering will reap much wisdom and benefit to be applied to whatever life throws. You are a wise one!

Adele

Thank you for the sharing of your heart. I have been in grief for 25 months. My beautiful daughter and precious grand daughter were murdered march of 2012. Since that time I have had my life turned upside down. I joined various grief sites- some writings helpful, some very discouraging. I have been in a dark place for so long, I am not sure there is a way out. Was having suicidat thoughts and somehow I came upon your site and see a glimmer of hope. Loosing our children is not right, my grand daughter was my life. She was only 5. I cannot seem to comprehend how a god that loves us could even tolerate to see us in such pain. You are special and are fortunate to have so much faith.

My heart just aches for you. I’m so sorry you have endured such loss and tragedy in this lifetime. There is a way out. It will not be found in human hugs or words (although these kinds of things are helpful) but only Jesus will satisfy you in this lifetime. I have felt the goodness and kindness of others in so many ways as I am sure you have as well, but everyone and everything leaves me empty at the end of the day. Jesus is the only one who fills my cup. You, too, can have this faith- to learn to draw your strength from The Lord. I will pray you find Him in your sorrows, in your tears, in your future joys and always, in The Hope of Heaven for those who make Jesus their King. God bless you.

Say Hello!

Hello! My name is Breena, and I'm the wife to Andy, who is a church planter. I'm also momma to 4 beautiful children (#ZekeyLives), and living out Hope in heartache as I look forward to the day I meet my boy, Zekey again. I'm the dreamer and designer over at Garment Collective - an ethical clothing line from Nepal. The women are rescued from sex trafficking, are paid fair wages, treated well, and given the opportunity to know more about Jesus.
I am also a writer and speaker, sharing our story of Hope!
I love the way God has taken such a broken story and is redeeming it. He is so good and cares for even the smallest details in our lives. I pray you find Him and know He is out for your good.
Follow my personal accounts on Instagram and Twitter.
Also, my ethical clothing line on Instagram and Twitter.
I love to connect with people from all over! Feel free to email Breena.holt@gmail.com to connect or to inquire about speaking engagements.

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