Date: Thu, 31 Jan 2002 02:48:09 -0800 (PST)
From: Nyann
Subject: The Moment of Truth
If you are of illegal age, go find some site with games. If
descriptions of tenderness between two adult women turn you off,
stop reading, I will not be held responsible for your partner's
complaints. If you passed the above checks, sit back and enjoy! You
may also take notes and let me know your comments.
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
"C'mon, Robin, we're gonna be late!" said a bit impatiently Layla
sitting on an armchair with her legs crossed, waiting for me to
finally get ready.
She was one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever met in my
life, not because of her looks, mostly for her heart and soul. When
after graduation I joined the lawyer's office she also worked for,
I was not only a novice there, I was also new in town. And she was
the first person that offered me a friendly and understanding face
in the time, when I felt completely lost. I guess being four years
older was not too much for her to still remember how it feels like,
when college spits you out in the rough world and faces you with a
survival fight. She helped me with my work, helped me find this
great apartment I lived in, and above all she helped me with
recognizing what I want and who I want to become. She became my
best friend in these five years, and hopefully, if I would be able
to hide my real feelings for her, it would stay like this forever.
I can't recall exactly, when the awareness of my feelings for her
started. Maybe it was when she told me, she's going on a business
trip with one of the colleagues, that was generally considered a
real skirt chaser and I felt jealous of him. Or maybe that time,
when going to work I slipped on ice and her arms prevented me from
falling, sending powerful pins and needles down my spine. But I
think it really started that rainy evening two years ago, when we
were celebrating my first independent court victory in my new
apartment. In the moment, when during a late into night talk she
admitted, she's obviously unable to find a perfect companion in her
life. The moment in which I wanted to embrace her, and tell her I
want to be it.
"I don't know why you want to go to this silly party anyway!" I
replied couple of minutes later, when I entered the living room,
ready to leave. "We already know almost all the people, that will
be there, we are looking at their faces every day in the office,
and now you want to be with them also out of working time?"
"Hey, it's Dwight's birthday, and you know Dwight's parties are
always interesting!"
She didn't sound convincing and we both knew it.
"What's interesting about Dwight's parties? Do we have the same
Dwight in our minds?" I smiled at her.
"OK, you are right, it will probably be the same old bore again."
she admitted with resigned-to-her-fate voice.
"Then, why do you want to go so desperately?"
"Because! Because it's Friday evening, and we have nothing better
to do!" she answered with affected stubbornness of a little child.
Well, I could come up with at least two dozen of better things to
do, but something was telling me it's better if I keep my mouth
shut. Besides, I would be happy with one thing only and it would
mean a world to me.
"We can at least TRY to have some fun!" she continued.
To be honest, I could never really oppose her. If she would suggest
a flight on a Moon, I would probably go to the nearest travel
agency, to inquire our possibilities. I was wondering sometimes, if
I even had a spine of my own. Well, I guess I did, I did know my
place and mission in my life now, but with her around, my spine
somehow turned into jelly, ready to spread all over her. Still, we
liked to play these have-words games with each other, and I was
willing to go along again.
"We could also have fun watching some TV and eat some junk food at
home!" I suggested.
"Do you think I got all dressed up like this for watching TV?"
Looking at her washed off jeans and a sweat shirt we both laughed.
Yet, regardless what she was wearing, somehow she always managed to
look elegant.
"Besides, we would miss the chance to be social, to meet new
people!"
She sounded like my older sister, trying to be serious, but her
smiling eyes were giving her away.
"Do we need to meet new people?" I asked standing in front of her,
observing her dark brown hair, smoothly combed into tuft at the
back of her head.
I caught myself thinking about how it would feel to caress it, when
she rose her gaze directly into my eyes. I suddenly became aware,
my voice was hoarse with the last question. Still smiling, she
softly asked:
"Don't you want to share me with other people?"
Oh my God! There it was again! This disarming feeling of shiver
overwhelming me. *Please, stop looking daggers at me with those
beautiful eyes!* I was trying to make her hear my thoughts, but she
either didn't read them or decided to ignore me. I felt approaching
a shaky territory, I wasn't sure anymore, this was still a game we
were playing. But, it was safer for me to continue the conversation
in belief, we WERE.
"No!"
I wanted my voice to sound jolly, but wanting it was all that
worked. And was it really necessary for my to lean forward and
place my hands on the arms of a chair she was sitting in? Probably
not, but I was there now, my face dangerously close to hers, too
late for regrets. I don't know for how long we were staring at each
other, as well as I don't know, whether I was happy or angry when
the phone rang.
Explaining to the person on the other side of the wire, that he
probably dialed 4 instead of 7, I slowly became aware of the
danger, I found myself in. My brain perceived a strange feeling in
my lower abdomen, telling me that without this interruption I was
in a great risk to lose a friend.
During talking to the nameless person I slowly pulled myself
together. I was still afraid to look into Layla's eyes, afraid she
might read in them the reflection of my desires, so after hanging
up I gave her a glance only. But my look returned to her when I
realized she hasn't moved a bit in all this time. She was staring
through the wall, looking at some shapeless distant point out of my
apartment, with an inexpressive mask on her face. *Did I hurt her?
Did I come too close? Did I offend her?* I got scared this innocent
game went too far, I didn't really know what to do or say to make
her feel better, so I decided to ignore this uneasy feeling in me,
pretending like nothing really happened. As far as I wanted to
believe, nothing actually did.
"Ready to go?" I finally asked, heading for the door.
"Would you mind, if we didn't go?" her voice forged me on to the
spot. I turned toward her.
"No!... It's you who wanted to go in the first place... But..." I
was angry with myself, I obviously did something wrong to turn this
whole situation upside down.
"Would you mind telling me why this sudden change?"
"Yes."
She finally looked at me. I spotted a tear in her eye and my legs
got all soft. *Damn, I DID offend her! Now she will tell me, we
have to stop seeing each other this often, if what she noticed in
my eyes was true!*
"What's wrong Layla?" I asked without being sure I wanted to hear
the answer.
But she didn't answer. She just sat there, gazing at me, immovably
crying for... help? What sort of help? I decided to disconnect the
thinking part of my brain again, approached her and kneeled with
one leg in front of her. More countless moments passed before she
raised her hand, and brushed a curl of hair off my face. I froze,
not knowing what to do. My first reaction would be to grab her into
my arms, but I managed to withhold myself somehow.
"Robin..." she almost whispered.
*Is it my turn to say something now? Was there more to come from
her?* While I was trying to conceive a reasonable reaction, she
spoke again, in the same half-whispering voice.
"I don't understand, what's happening to me, and I don't want to
lose you over it, but... You have to know... To decide how to go
on... Earlier, when you were so close to me..."
She was looking for appropriate words, that seemed to find their
way from out of her lips with great difficulty as it was. Was she
trying to be gentle at her refusal?
"Do you remember, when I was telling you, I'm obviously unable to
find a companion of my life?" she decided to change the tactics.
If I remembered!! I simply nodded, being afraid of what was about
to come out of her mouth.
"You know I had relationships in my life," she continued, "but
something was always missing! I didn't really know what... until
few minutes ago."
*My God, is she telling me, what I think she's telling me?* I had
to be sure.
"What are you saying, Layla?"
"I'm saying..." she stopped again to find the words, but instead,
with rising astonishment in my eyes, she leaned toward me, and
softly skimmed my lips with hers. Then she withdraw in fear, to
observe my reaction.
There I was, for two years trying to lock the deepest feelings for
her inside me, and she needed couple of minutes to admit it. Yes,
that was definitely my Layla! She put everything we've shared so
far at risk to follow her instincts and desires. For two years I
was afraid to say something stupid, even in a joke, something that
might would have led her mind to the correct conclusions. For two
years I was afraid to be in direct physical contact with her, even
if it would have been only for a friendly hug, and now she was
telling me, I'm making her experience something that was missing in
her past relationships? Was I a complete idiot or what!!
"I'm sorry, Robin, I guess there ARE more diplomatic ways of telling
you this, and I understand you're shocked over it. Probably we
should forget this event as soon..." She misunderstood my
hesitating.
"Layla!" I almost roughly interrupted her storm of words.
"Layla," I tried again more softly, "you did shock me, but not in
the way you think! You see... I... "
The words deserted ME this time. I raised my hand to her face, to
brush her lips with my fingers. It took her couple of moments to
fully understand my reaction, to respond. She leaned forward and
slowly our lips met again. They were hardly touching, fondling each
other with breeze-like kisses. But we wanted, needed more. She
embraced my face with her hands, and all of a sudden her lips were
all over mine, her tongue in my mouth. Or was it mine in hers? It
was like we couldn't kiss deeply enough, we were totally lost in
passion. As she slid off the armchair and snuggle up to me, I felt
her breasts pressing against mine, and in this moment I lost the
awareness of time and space. I felt her hands going under my
pullover, and I didn't want to lag behind, I wanted to feel her
bare back under my fingers, too. Very soon all our clothes were
history, we were lying on the floor, her naked body partly covering
mine, and her hands driving me crazy. I could feel her pubic hair
and her wetness on my thigh, and her knee between my legs. But not
for a single moment we stopped kissing. Entwined like this, we
started to thrust our hips toward each other, and newly awaken lust
was precipitately rising us higher, until I heard a loud moan
coming out of her mouth. And a stifled scream almost along with it.
So I guess one of them was a release of my explosion. I didn't
know, I didn't care. Everything in me refused the obedience, and
all I could do for minutes after it, was trying to catch my breath.
And it sounded like Layla was in the same ecstasy.
We were lying embraced, slowly calming down. The belt from her
jeans under me was stabbing me in the back, but I didn't feel like
moving to displace it, I didn't want to risk ruining this pleasant
position we were in. Our bodies were stuck together with sweat, and
every time Layla moved a bit, I could feel a small pond between our
navels. Her hair, disheveled over my face now, was ticking me, so I
had to sneeze. This brought us back to reality. She leaned on her
elbow, and gazed at me with a loving smile on her face.
"My dear Robin," she said softly and kissed my shoulder, "what's
happening to us?"
She was not really expecting an answer to her question, it was more
like thinking out loudly. But I wanted to talk, I wanted to hear
with my ears, what happened was not a dream, not an illusion. I
needed to know, this angel in human shape shared with me the most
intimate and beautiful experience of my life.
"Yes, WHAT is happening to us, Layla?" I smiled back, caressing her
cheek with the back of my fingers.
Looking me directly in the eyes, she shook her head, and said more
seriously:
"I don't know what's happening, but I DO know, I have never
experienced such an accomplished act of love. If we would have
known each other for a short time only, I would say we got lost in
passion, being submissive to our physical attraction, but..." she
kissed my nipple now, "but since we've been best friends for such a
long time..."
She stopped her words again, playing with her fingers on my
tummy, lingering on my pubic hair, and stroking my thighs with
her nails. I was hanging on every word she was saying, waiting
for the right ones to come out. And when she finally said them,
tears came to my eyes. She was sipping them as they slid down my
cheeks, softly whispering my name with it.
I embraced her tightly, sobbing the same words in her ear. She
moved on me completely, letting loose a stifle moan as I ran
over her back with my fingers and reached the cheeks of her
rear. She slowly started to move up and down, rubbing me softly
with her breasts, belly, pubic bone... and I started to feel
weakness all over again. She lifted her head to look at me, and
I realized, in a few moments we would be lost in passion again.
We were both too weak to fight it, and, nevertheless, why fight
it? It took us too much time to find each other, now it was our
time to live it!