The flow of the piece nice- you present your ideas in a short, choppy pace that fits the tone. Try and use adjectives of "fire", "pain" and "moment", though it is not lost on me that that might be you solidifying your idea. Capitalization of every line might help a little with the reading, though this is only a minor detail and does not detract much from the piece. Nice job, and thank you for your time and your reviews! I apologize for my slow-reaction time; my internet has been quite irritating for the past two or three weeks, and sometimes I am lucky enough to be given enough time to write rambling reviews...Keep writing!