Depression Supporters Support Group

This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.

husband is battling depression, need to talk

My husband was diagnosed with depression 9 months ago, and I really need to talk with others who are going through the same thing. I have 3 young children, and in-laws who are concerned about him to deal with as well. He is on his second medication, and although he is better than 9 months ago when he called me from his cell phone crying and ready to committ suicide ( he wouldn't tell me where he was either - it was the most awful day of my life), he still has off days and I am in a constant state of worry. Help!! Some days I just want to run away...but I love him and I know he loves us. Any advice or other stories would be welcome!

having lived with a man with depression and other emotional issues for 20 years (dx and tx for 9)my advice to you is RUN LIKE HELL!

If I could do this over, I wish someone would have pushed me to do that many years ago.

I remember sitting with our infant daughter, after 3 years of marriage, in the middle of the night sobbing on the floor because I could NOT understand what was WRONG with him. I wanted to leave then but didn't for so many reasons. I wish to God now that I had. My daughter and I could have started a new life and been happy. Instead, our entire life has been marred by his depression. It is an UGLY fucking disease. And it DOES NOT get better. Don't let anyone tell you it does. It never goes away. It can be managed, but it is a forever struggle. Problems you have now are only going to magnify as the years go on.

hello, this is my first time to this site. I have had no one to talk to about my husbands depression, and this makes me so frustrated and tired. I do not want to talk to friends and family, because we are so private. We have been married for 25 years, and he started therapy(no meds) about 3 months ago. It is being a slow process, and lots of ups and downs. He realized last year that he suffered from delayed stress syndrome from witnessing 2 violent murders when he was young, but when he began therapy , he was told after the testing, that he also had mod. depression. I know my husband loves me, but many days, he is hard to live with. He has been un-employed for about 9 months after we lost a business, and this makes it worse.
He has improved in many ways from the therapy and reading self help and inspirational books, but since he has not had luck getting a job, his feelings of worthlessness have increased. last june, he almost left me( he says it was because he did not feel good enough), and now I realize from this site that this is a common thing for depressed men to do. I had a fit, insisted he get help(although he had to wait until we had insurance again), and we had re-newed communication , and we got alot closer than we had for years. BUT, I am seeing so many back and forth days ,and I just want to scream some days. I hope to be able to vent and talk to others for the first time on this site.

It must be very frustrating to go through this! Not to mention scary if your husband has been suicidal. Often when people say they are going to comit suicide, it's a cry for help and he was reaching out to you. It's like part of them wants to do it, but part of him was telling you as a cry for help so you would stop him from doing it. I know how much you must love him! Be patient and supportive with him, and urge him to get help. Medicine is wonderful once you get the right one, but it's not the entire treatment. He should go through counseling in combination with drug therapy. It can also be very tough to find the right med. I've suffered with depression since for 16 years, and in that time I've been on 3-4 different medications until I found one that works and the side effects are manageable. Some aren't so lucky, and jump from med to med until they find one that works. Some hospitals have a tendency to over medicate too, so he could end up being a zombie. Just be patient and let him know that you love him. Good luck!

P.S. I do know how you feel too - my fiance is suffering from depression. Some days are good and some days are bad. He's also talked about suicide, which scares me because I love him dearly. I let him know that I am there for him and that I love him dearly. I made him promise not to shut me out and push me away. It's a struggle, but it's one that I'm willing to go through to be with him.

Thank you for your responses! He is getting counseling as well, and has even invited me to a couple sessions. I think it does help some. I just struggle with the instability of it. He can be fine for a while and then just have a bad day (or a lot of them) all of a sudden. We also have been arguing because he thinks I am treating him like a child when I get upset if he is not home when he says he will be, or if he wants to go out alone and takes his sweet time coming back. I remember how scary it was when he was suicidal and avoiding me by leaving and driving around aimlessly and I am terrified every time he leaves, even if he has been doing well. I know I probably am being overprotective but it is hard to trust him when he says he's fine. Also, he loves to hunt, and last year he didn't because we felt it wasn't a good idea for him to have a gun (his parents are keeping them in their safe currently) and he was fine with that. Fall is approaching and he feels good and really wants to hunt this year. I am TERRIFIED to let him go and we are already arguing about it.

Hun, you need to get some therapy to learn how to understand and cope with your husband. &quot;Running Like Hell&quot; is not the answer and is only reinforcing issues he may be dealing with. Abandoning him is a last resort and only if he has become a physical threat to you and/or your children or he refuses to get help.. As long as he's agreeable to therapy, you have a chance. Now if he's stubborn &amp; refuses treatment then you may have to consider leaving him to force him into therapy. Please, as long as he's seeking treatment and is working at it, please don't abandon him. He needs your love &amp; support.

I have been considering seeing a therapist myself - thank you for the advice. I guess I can't take care of him if I can't learn how to handle it and take care of myself. I'm so glad I found this group. It really helps to talk about it.

As far as your question about hunting, I would not recommend as long as he's still having bouts of trouble/moodiness, taking off on a whim, etc. I would tell him that so long as he's doing all that you can't support him going off in the woods with the fellas.

That being said, if he insists on going, you must make sure everyone in the hunt party knows of your concerns and will keep an eye on him which means not letting him out of their sight with a firearm.

Always wanting to err on the side of caution, though I would recommend against it, at least until he's been stable for a long time.

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