My Help Comes From God, But I Share My Story Or Part Of It - We Are Not Alone

by Die Wagter
(South Africa)

Good day. After long internal debating and searching for this tool I've decided to ask for advice.

Presently I cannot concentrate at work, really I’m doing nothing – I get myself to do anything, I surf the internet for help for my current work situation.

I lodged a grievance against my manager for bullying and creating a hostile work environment a few weeks ago. I thought it would get better but their subtle unnoticeable advances with tact have left me in mental stitches.

I have been put off work for two weeks in November for a stress related disorder - given tranquilisers and prior to that with stomach problems and easily prone to flu.

My manager has been spoken to but she continues being rude (not the normal kind - the subtle – you hear them talking but you can’t say anything – it will be denied, sneaky type – talks about you to other people – content that’s not professional.

I’m a good character identifier and keep out of her way, noticing she doesn’t like me that much. I tried to make things better by buying her a gift, and just doing what she says. This does not feel enough, it's almost that I’m not wanted they cannot stand me – them in their 40’s me in my late 20’s.

Even after the grievance she shouted at me - which I didn’t complain again since the process has failed me and the intervention decisions that was taken has not been implemented two months after the grievance hearing. No one I complained to has really sat down with me – especially not my direct manager nor her boss – my appraisal meeting after the grievance – I just sat there and gave myself the lowest score – when they asked me why I said and thought that this is what you implied in the grievance meeting so who am I to question you.

Mobbing has continued from my manager and the second in charge - strange enough not a word gets spoken to me but then stories are presented about me being a trouble maker in my department.

I feel I can’t think straight, my relationships did go under, my self-worth and even beliefs have been attacked by people who don’t know me.

Again the bullying is not verbal in your face or physical (not anymore) - it's very subtle but with detrimental effect on my health.

I walk in just at 08:00 and leave at exactly 16:30 nothing more - and sitting behind my desk feels like chaos, I dig my head in the sand. I've been set up to fail, bullied, lied on, name slandered, and accused wrongly. I feel one day I can do this and then three days I can’t even think behind my desk. I have one day rage and the other powerlessness.

How do I come back if I’m not expected to come back or not wanted?

Why drug myself with tablets “because of people who are just rude but seen as strong personalities” - who just echo's the stereotypical – “don’t take it personal” - Well if you are planning for me to leave or making things so unbearable that I do leave - it affects my personal life – that is personal.

How do you work with people who don’t want you there and pretend to other people they have no clue what you are talking about – the gossip, the setting up to fail, the unfair treatment.

I just go home, switch on the TV and try to forget until tomorrow – I don’t drink or smoke but really feel the urge to just escape the reality of work.

I WONDER WILL THESE PEOPLE EVER GET OVER IT IF THEIR BOSSES WERE THEY WERE WITH US, OR IF THEIR CHILDREN GET BULLIED IN THE WORKPLACE ONE DAY - WILL THEY EVER THINK BACK AND SAY HEY - "I'M SORRY"?

Comments for My Help Comes From God, But I Share My Story Or Part Of It - We Are Not Alone

If your government allows for it, going over your entire companies and go to your local Equal Emoployment Agency.

Sexual harassment. That's what you're dealing with.

Fuck those assholes and make them feel as weak as they are acting.

I understandby: Anonymous

I know what you are going through, I was in that same situation for almost three years. I would recommend trying to find a new job. People like that will never change, they will never say they are sorry because they don't see what they are doing is wrong. There's no justice in it.

I know that isn't what you wanted to hear. I didn't want to hear it either, but I needed to. I now have a wonderful job, with wonderful people, where I don't feel sick to my stomach every night when I go home.

The best revenge is living well. You don't deserve to be treated that way, by anyone. I'm sorry you got mobbed. It's a trend sweeping over the world. But, you will be OK. Find the strength to take back control of your life and YOU make the decisions to be happy; including whether you need to find a new employer. There's nothing more freeing than feeling like you are in control again.

its war....by: Die Wagter

Thanks for the replies;

IM IN THE CAR JUST GOT HOME !

This week it has escalated.

Monday I cried in front of my boss and her boss. I told her boss she has still continued even after the grievance.

My boss said in the meeting the most devastating sentences to my amazement that flabbergasted me and I do not trust him anymore , the hardest part is that he is a pastor at our church and he got me in . After this I knew he was trying to protect himself, since my boss jumps over his head to the CEO or other big guns which she is connected with (flirts with)

My boss said;

I should not attack my manger personally anymore, he wont allow it (She is the one on the war rampage with her little spy – she is rude , hostile , blames me for stuff I didn’t do, believes her spy who accuses me of stuff I didn’t do, who gossips about me outside the company , even revealed that I lodged a grievance against her to a business partner of our company, new policies introduced to make it harder for me and another guy - the spy same level as us, but he helps her write the new policies and he directs meetings - the same spy caused trouble at a previous insurer)

I should suck it up , be a man !I should talk when something is bothering me - (When I do talk she blasts me - she accuses me - the exact same meeting she just took out more ammo against me when I complained about her behaviour.(My mouth hung open - I told them they don’t know me, I am more a man than they will ever be (my boss looks like a man - loll)

The last thing her boss told was:

YOU KNOW YOURE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH PROBLEMS; THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH MORE SERIOUS PROBLEMS HERE!(I sat there and thought were is this coming from; I was not asking if other people had problems in our company, I was stating my case, I was asking my boss’s boss to do something helpful by preventing/stop this woman’s abuse - BUT HE SAID - YOU AINT THE ONLY ONE WITH PROBLEMS HERE.

By this time my boss started to laugh and glow in front of her boss - It was like I was in a dream, I kid you not.

The boss is supporting her now, she is on the companies EE board, friends with Head Office HR and big shots and she had just won over the big boss.

it's war......by: Die Wagter

How can you condole RUDE, ATTACKING behaviour and mask it as a strong personality or say “It’s just the way I am”If a murderer told the court – It just the way I am?

If I had to take a gun to work and say – It’s just the way I am and then bang

How can you not punish a manager’s bad behaviour and expedite dismissal of employees who come against them.

Called me unapproachable and I do not look them in the eye - well if you kick a person so many times how can I smile with you, how can I even lift up my head, How can I BE INVITING TO YOU SOCIALLY IF YOU HATE ME AND YOU SHOW IT.

When the boss is gone she gossips loud about him, since no one will believe me and my other colleague we just sit there.

How can someone like this are allowed to manage.

She said that the grievance hearing info has spread through the branch – the only people in the hearing was me, her , the grievance officer (outside company) and the boss – who would spread the info – no wonder nobody talked to me after the hearing.

Her friends try to set me up as a bady in our company , her spies have client friends coming to our offices who dint even greet or acknowledge me – I mean I sit next to the door they have to come in.

I had it, this time its personal - its war.... They will never see me coming

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