Chocolate

A new trend has emerged. That of turning your beloved canine friend into a mobile work of ‘art’. I use the term ‘art’ loosely here, of course.

Essentially people are cutting and dying the hair of poodles and other unfortunately fluffy dogs, to resemble other creatures, such as Panda’s, Pirates and Fairy’s. It is as crazy as it sounds and the results are just as mind numbingly hilarious.

On Saturday 22nd August 2009, The Upper Palatte (TUP) was finally able to regroup, after a lengthy four month hiatus, courtesy of my broken arm. This marks the third ‘eat’ since the inception of The Upper Palatte. The venue was Faff, which offers modern European cuisine, with a “sexed up neighbourhood fare” and is located just off Norwood’s bustling Grant Avenue in Johannesburg. Unfortunately, or better yet, fortunately, only three Upper Crusters were able to attend The Upper Palatte’s third meet.

Have you ever wondered where Easter Eggs come from? As you can see, a picture is worth a 1000 words – “Easter Bunny at work”! Love it!

I trust you have all had a fantastic Easter filled with tons of delicious chocolate surprises and much needed family time! As most of you already know my entire family makes a huge deal out of Easter. Every year we all go away together, to some remote location, where we bond, fight and have a jolly good time! This years familial Easter retreat was no different! Check out the photographs!

This year I ended up having one hell of a ‘cracking’ time, often ‘spiralling’ out of control and then ending with an unexpected ‘break’. Literally!

What you are reading now, I have had to type with one hand and on my mobile phone – no easy feat and one that is definitely tiring. I am using my none dominant left hand to be exact. Say what?!

Yes… I managed to break my right arm, on Saturday 11th April 2009 at approximately 14:45. My first broken bone too… So much for self-preservation! You know what I have just realised… This falls into my The Year of The New resolution of New Experiences that I blogged about *OMG moment*. Damn… I need to be more careful and definitive in future when I make resolutions because this year has been crazy thus far!

Well, as fate would have it, I am now sporting a Spiral Fracture of the right Humerus. How? Simple really… Through ‘Arm Wrestling’!

No, I’m not joking. I broke my arm via arm wrestling, of all things. Okay, you can stop with the incredulous look and vehement sniggering now. As it turns out, this kind of injury is actually quite common with regards to arm wrestling – just Google it and/or check out these links: Body Building Forums and Scientific Journal. I mean… Who knew?! Furthermore, I was, as a matter of fact, winning before my arm snapped! Subsequently, and before you have to ask, no there is nothing wrong with my bones nor are they weak or brittle. I did read somewhere, the source evades me at this moment in time, that the bicep muscle is often, like in my case because I was winning, a major cause of the fracture, strange but true. Just goes to show how strong our bodies can actually be.

A lot of people have asked me what it was like the moment my arm broke and how painful it was. Look, to be completely honest, I cannot recall any pain at the moment my arm snapped. I just remember hearing an awful crack, my arm wobbling like jelly, an intense numbness (courtesy of a pinched nerve) and an inability to move my fingers and hand (which, thankfully, only lasted for a few seconds). I immediately knew that my arm was broken. I just knew. I grasped my arm close to my chest, instinctively holding it in an ‘L’ shape and moved away from the arm wrestling table all the while attempting to move my fingers. I would describe the pain as a deep, untouchable and continuous throb when held still. Obviously any movement of my arm resulted in piercing sweat inducing stabs of pain. The entire family witnessed my arm break. It is now a historical moment that will be remembered by all and for years to come *sigh*. I can hear it already, for instance: "No arm wrestling kids, remember when Hansie broke his arm" or “Be careful Hans, we don’t want you to ‘break’ anything else”. I have already been labelled as the ‘One Armed Bandit’ *rolls eyes*.

Thankfully I do not require surgery even though the break is quite bad. According to the Surgeon the only benefit between surgery and healing ‘conventionally’, in my case anyway, is the recovery time. Turns out I may also end up with a slight kink in my arm, but I reckon that will just make me truly unique. Living with only one working arm has been tough. Tougher than I thought it would be particularly because I have to keep my arm as still as possible. My folks even have to bathe me and I cannot drive, not yet anyway. The loss of my autonomy has been rather hard to deal with. As a result I truly have even more sympathy for the less capable, since I now have a ‘first hand’ (mind the pun) experience of what having a handicap could be like.

Arm Wrestling – A compilation of "breaks"

Curious to see what happens when your arm breaks, specifically during ‘arm wrestling’? Then check out the video above. I cannot help but cringe every time I watch an arm break since I now know the pain, trials and tribulations associated with a broken arm.

In the previous OMG post I mentioned the fabled ‘Chocolate Starfish’ and Z’s sudden curiosity with this taboo orifice. As it turns out, she just could not resist finding out some more information pertaining to this somewhat ‘erogenous’ zone. Thus, she proceeded to ‘wall message’, publicly and without tact, some cousins of mine, and hers, on Facebook about their experiences with this ‘bottom feeder’. Her OMG actions elicited the production of this post.

In all honesty, I cannot see the appeal of inserting any kind of object into ones anus, with the exception of medicinal suppositories. However, even suppositories elicit a result akin to constipation and a sudden explosive build up of pressure which begs for the instant and projectile expulsion of the foreign object – not unlike diarrhoea. I actually have a friend who refuses to use suppositories in the conventional sense. Instead she takes them orally. She argues that it ends up in the same place anyway, so why not?! However, a few friends of mine believe that her recent bout of emergency room intestinal cramps are a direct cause of the oral ingestion of anal suppositories. So, how do you ‘administer’ suppositories?

As far as I am concerned, the anus is simply the expressway used to ‘drop the kids off at the pool’. No more, no less. Obviously, the old adage of ‘different strokes for different folks’ still holds true since I actually know a girl who can only achieve orgasm through anal penetration. A little strange, if you think about it, since the anus is allegedly the ‘male’ G-Spot.

Just another OMG day…

*Update*

Whoopsie! Turns out that the original picture I posted of someone’s tattooed ‘Chocolate Starfish’ was against the Spaces code of conduct and thus ‘Oh My Guava’ was suspended for a while – talk about an "OH MY GUAVA" moment. No worries though, since everything has been sorted and all mishaps forgiven. You live, you learn!

About me

Hi, I'm Hans. A Ludologist by education; writer, marketer and ecommerce curator by trade; foodie by nature; and a tech, gadget and gamer geek in my spare time. This blog is where I share my personal thoughts on almost everything and anything.