Again, I have to admit, this is not my favorite painting in the slightest.

I heard somewhere that an artist's paintings have a success rate of about 1%, so I'll place this one in the 99%.

I'm being slightly down right now, and I'm also jittery from all the tea I've been drinking in an effort to cut off the coffee. I'm sure the wedding planning isn't helping the stress jitters either from so many items not being crossed off the to-do list.

Maybe that's why this painting came out so sloppily- my heart was not in it today and my mind was in a completely different universe, the universe that is wedding planning.

As this wedding planning drags on, I find myself drinking more and more caffeine on top of not finding enough hours in the day to work on my business. Being stuck in this cycle just really sucks. It's a huge struggle and extremely frustrating for me as I feel like I have to wedding plan and not focus on anything else, when in reality wedding planning will never feel completed enough. I've been finding myself constantly freaking out throughout the day: I feel guilty if I spend more time on my business and I feel guilty if I spend more time wedding planning. It's a constant power struggle, and they're constantly at odds with one another. I wish I could work on and grow my business, and I hate how I feel like it's being put on hold because of the wedding.

On top of all this, vendors really do think women do it all when it comes to wedding planning, emailing or calling me without informing Jose of anything. The assumption is just stupid and obnoxious, and it makes me feel like there is more on my plate that I just can't eat off.

So I freak out.

Thanks for reading my rant. I needed to get it out there.

So on top of being frustrated about wedding planning, drinking too much caffeine and not being able to work more hours on my business, I slapped together a painting this morning. Sure, I like the story behind why it's so sloppily painted, especially the lipstick and black tea marks quickly drawn on the glass, but at the same time I know I can do better. I'll stop being hard on myself tomorrow, I promise.

Off to class, then hopefully sleep and no more wedding planning for the day.