The Forgotten Father

In the majority of adoption literature, birth mothers are mentioned as the predominant loss for the adoptee. While interviewing more than 70 adoptees for a book, I learned that they think about their birth fathers as much as birth mothers.

So why aren’t birth fathers honored? Why aren’t they mentioned? A father is one of the greatest gifts a child can ever have. It is through a father that we learn about Father God.

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Delana,
You are a savvy adoptive mom! Thanks for sharing how you’ve talked about your daughter’s birth mom and your desire to ask about her bio dad. For me personally, over the years, the birth mom was the only one in my mind, but after receiving a blunt rejection from her, my heart turned toward my birth father. The desire to find him is still as strong today as it was years ago.
Thanks for your encouraging words about you getting encouragement to be open from one of my books.
Love and hugs,
Sherrie

Today, I pulled my copy of your “Twenty Things” book off the bookshelf to look for the part I was referring to. I read your entire book about 7-8 years ago, but left a bookmark on p. 102. So I looked to see what I had bookmarked. On that page was the section I was referring to — “Give permission for open dialogue.” Sometime during the first year with us, our daughter (then 6) began asking about her birth mother. At that time she could not yet read and write, so I began letting her dictate letters to her birth mother whenever she felt like it. I recorded those for her in a journal. Now, she writes in that same journal herself. In some periods of time she would want to write daily…other times weekly…and other times once a month or only every once in awhile. But the early 2-3 years when she was dictating to me what to write, we developed an openness where she felt free to come to me to talk about her feelings regarding her birth mother (whom she hadn’t seen since infancy). I am very thankful for the advice/recommendations you shared in your book!

No, an adoptive mom. The original poem that is in my most was written nearly 20 years ago from my own perspective of growing up with a step-dad, a bio father, and the Lord. It just dawned on me today (with minor modifications) how it relates to where my daughter’s at. Though she has yet to start asking about her bio-father (only her bio mother) I know one day she will…and this may even be the year for me to probe and see if she’s interested in talking about it. We’ve had many talks through the years about her bio mom. I believe it was advice I received from your book to create an openness for her to talk about her birth mom.
Blessings,
Delana
Delana