This is serious. And strict. It says so right there in the title. I am not messing around. There are books and they must be read.

I’ve told you about my issues with my pile of to-be-read books. Well, I’m slightly crazy. “Slightly” might be a matter of opinion. Others may use different modifiers for the word “crazy” when describing me. Steve (not his real name) comes to mind as one of those, for instance. At any rate, I’m slightly (or some other adjective) crazy and it really preoccupies me that I have all these unread books on the to-be-read shelf. I want to be relaxed about it; to be able to take an I’ll get it done when I get it done attitude, but “relaxed” is another word that does not always accurately describe me. Others may use different modifiers than “does not always accurately describe me.” Steve (not his real name) again comes to mind, for instance. At any rate, I made some hard choices about my books and then I created a very strict reading schedule. Here’s how you get your to-be-read books pile in check—in 5 easy steps!—should you find yourself in the same predicament. (Is this even remotely likely? If so, please comment. We all need kindred spirits.)

Step 1: Sit in front of that pile of books and have a good one-on-one with each. You dig very deep and decide which books are really going to shake your wagon. Let’s face it, none of us is getting any younger and our time is too precious to waste on anything that isn’t going to get the job done. I culled that pile back by 10 or 12 books! I feel a little sorry for the books that didn’t make the cut. They are great books. It’s nothing personal—it’s me not them. We can still be friends.

Step 2: Next you spread the winners out and decide the order in which you want to read them. Some seem more summery to me, others more wintery. And of course autumny. (That’s not a word, though. Why not? There’s wintery and summery. I don’t care. I’m using it.) I’m not bothering with springy (yes, that’s a word, too, even though autumny still isn’t) because in following my very strict reading schedule, I will have completed the task prior to spring.

Step 3: Get out your calculator and your calendar and figure out how long it will take you to read each book and then place them on deadline.

(Does anyone want this level of detail on the weird shit I do?)

Step 4: Read the books. Do not screw with the very strict reading schedule. Get excited when you are ahead of schedule. (‘Cause clearly it doesn’t take much to shake your wagon.)

Step 5: Celebrate your accomplishment by buying a couple of new books!

According to my very strict reading schedule, these books—so long relegated to the to-be-read pile—will be read and placed in with their soon-to-be friends in the already-read shelves by February 2017! I’m not going to kid you, this will be a long-term journey. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, if you will allow me the metaphor. I neither sprint nor run marathons but you get the idea. (I totally hate running. Also biking. Oh my stars there is no end to my hatred of biking.) I’ll keep you posted on my progress. So far, I am 43 pages ahead of schedule! What?!? I know!!!

In other news (is any of this “news”?), I am diligently working on my latest novel! Above behold photographic evidence. (Is this “evidence”?) Well, i am doing it, I promise you. It’s been a slow start—getting back in the swing of heavy novel editing is painful at first. It’s like every word holds all the entirety of all the gravity in the Universe. I have no idea of this is accurate in terms of Physics, but if you’re interested in the writing process, there will be more on this to come because I have been thinking about it a lot.

You have a happy Wednesday and you READ, people. You read.

Find my novels, THE MOSQUITO HOURS and TALKING UNDERWATER, online at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. And don’t forget your local independent bookstore! I’m curious about something: would you like to stay up-to-date on news about my books as well as have my latest blog posts conveniently delivered to your inbox? Then subscribe to my newsletter! Click on that little box right over there on the right. See how easy I made that for you? (You’re welcome.)