A Hack of the Phones!

Phone Hacking is becoming epidemic. Mobile phones that fail to produce the correct word on predictive text, or cut off calls early because they brushed against the callers ear often get the chop. In quiet alleyways all over the UK phones are being hacked to pieces because of poor functionality. In the countryside, due to the ban, phones have replaced foxes as the favorite prey of fops, dandies and sloans and are being hounded to the point of extinction in some areas. The Banbury Phone Hunt meets up once a week at the Snake’s Arms Pub before heading off into the fields to find and hack a phone. Instead of hounds they employ a pack of disgruntled, axe-wielding, mobile phone customers who have been driven to insanity by call centres, poor phone reception and bad ring tones. Hacking phones to death is still legal in the British Isles but the policy is under review, especially since legislation was introduced last month to protect both toasters and laptops which were being persecuted relentlessly.

Dorgan Bone who runs a phone sanctuary in County Kerry is pleased that this issue is now in the public domain. “It’s been a long hard fight,” he said. “But at last the government are beginning to listen. Some of these handsets turn up in a terrible state, they’re frightened and disorientated, unable to pick up a signal, often with cracked screens and missing buttons. It has to stop, in the name of God!”