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HIVhomegirl 4: Could I have infected him?

My mind’s going crazy

HIVhomegirl has just tested HIV+. She didn't know she had it until she became sick and a doctor suggested she get tested. This is her story. Episode 4.

My entire life had been turned upside down in just a few days. I was 19 and in hospital with AIDS. I was on antibiotics to prevent any other infections as we waited for the ARV drugs to help my body in its fight.

I went through things in my mind over and over again: I was HIV positive. I had CD4 count of just 10. I had just started having sex a few months ago and I only had one sexual partner, my boyfriend, who had tested HIV negative. How could I be positive if he was negative? How did I get infected?

I was filled with new nightmares. What if I had infected him? He was going to have to wait another three months to find out. I didn’t know what to say to him and so I did the worst thing … I ignored his texts and calls. This guy I had been crazy about … eventually he stopped calling. I didn’t blame him.

I wanted everyone to leave me alone.

With the help of my mother's brilliant memory we managed to piece together where I most likely would have gotten the virus: my biological mother. She had died years ago and for “no apparent reason” as far as my mom could recall.

Knowing the "why" was a huge comfort. It solved a mystery. There was nothing I did wrong. There was no one to blame.

But what if I had given it to him? I could never face him again.

HIVhomegirl didn’t know she was positive when she slept with her guy without a condom. That’s why it’s important to always use condoms and to get tested together before you sleep with someone. He will have to wait out the window period of 3 months to find out if he contracted the virus from her.

Look out as the story unravels.

To find out how HIVhomegirl got to this point click on the link below to start her story from the beginning …