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Merry Katherine Prince

Welcome! I am Angie B. Prince, child of God, wife of Tommy, mother of 3, psychotherapist and Mother Grieving.
Tommy and I met in graduate school in Atlanta, then married in 1979 and started a Christian Counseling/Coaching practice in Knoxville, TN where we still live. We have 1 daughter Merry Katherine, forever-19 in Heaven, 2 sons, Nathan (age 31) (wife Ashley), and Rollin (age 33) (wife Stephanie), and two granddaughters, Ellie and Penny.
In this blog, we process our grief over our Merry Katherine who was killed along with two other teens in a brutal car crash while on the way to the beach on 8/2/2006 (two teens survived). Having lost our daughter suddenly and violently on the cusp of launching her into adulthood, we were thrown into Complicated and Traumatic Grief. We share here our agonizing process of wading through the multiple twists and turns of shattered assumptions, challenged faith, traumatized body-soul-and-spirts, and devastated hearts. May our grief touch some of your own pain as we walk through this difficult but sacred ground together.

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"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" Scientifically Documented!

1) Copy the http: address above the line below. . . .
2) Paste it into your web browser's address bar. . .
3) Hit Enter to find the article below.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080620195446.htm
___________________"Addicted To Grief? Chronic Grief Activates Pleasure Areas Of The Brain"
OR "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" Has Now Been Scientifically Documented!
. . . . . We now have physiological evidence via Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) that such "comfort" is indeed, a fact! In debilitating, complicated grief after the sudden death of a loved one, "comfort" was shown by significant nucleus accumbens activation in the brain's reward network!

Our bodies don't discriminate between sensory images in the mind and what we call reality.

Although images don't have the same intense impact on the body that real events do, they elicit the same essential quality of experience in the body...

The good news, of course, is that we can deliberately introduce healthful images, and the... body will respond as if they, too, were approximations of reality. A spate of research findings shows the physical changes that can occur in the body as a result of such engineering with the imagination.

(Imagery refers to any perception that comes through any of the senses. That means sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and feel... These sensory images are the true language of the body, the only language it understands immediately and without question.)

There is one study...that measures the effects years later. (The results of the study showed) evidence that the effects of either group support or imagery or both didn't stop at psychological implications, but showed up in profound, lasting physiological results.

So images in the mind are real events to the body.

Perhaps you can remember, for instance, what it felt like to be read to by Gramma when you were little: the delicious warmth of sitting in her soft, warm lap, the feel of her favorite old sweater and the scent of her soap, the sound of her low, loving voice, saying the same words for the hundredeth time, leaning so close to you that her breath tickled your ear. And perhaps, too, you can remember the blissful feeling of being prized and precious, safe and protected, that came from sitting there. That memory is a real event to the body. As Far as your body is concerned, regardless of intervening years, age, or pounds, while you're remembering all that rich, sensory detail, you're still on Gramma's lap.

And whatever profound emotional nourishment you got there is yours to have again. Whatever neurohormones, or chemical messengers, went coursing through your bloodstream as you sat on Gramma's lap, sending happy-to-be-alive white blood cells all through your body, these same substances get activated again. As far as your body is concerned, Gramma is forever available to love and sustain you.

And so with any sweet memories: a wonderful vacation; a perfect moment, either alone in nature or with someone else; a time when you felt filled with purpose or madly in love; or a time of great triumph. As long as it is grounded in sensory memory, the language of the body, you can revisit that moment over and over each time taking from it all the richness and nourishment it has to give you.

She goes on to say:

In the altered (meditative) state, we are capable of more rapid and intense healing, growth, learning, and change...

By altered state, (she) mean(s) a state of relaxed focus, a kind of calm but energized alertness, a focused reverie. Attention is concentrated on one thing, or on a very narrow band of things. As this happens, we find we have a heightened sensitivity to what we are focused on, and a decreased awareness of the other things going on around us, things we would ordinarily notice.

*****

A side note from me:

(Perhaps that is why the Biblical injunction is given...

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

(Philippians 4:8 NIV, 1984)

*****

The following is Belleruth Naparstek's Guided Imagery sample from her book Staying Well with Guided Imagery.

Read this meditation aloud slowly to yourself, or have someone else read it to you so that you can more fully focus and concentrate on it's content. (You could also record it on a tape recorder yourself and then play it back to listen and meditate with your full focus.)

And taking a couple of deep, full, cleansing breaths . . . inhaling as fully as you comfortably can . . . sending the warm energy of your breath to any part of your body that is sore or tense or tight . . . and releasing the discomfort with the exhale . . . so that you can feel your breath going to all the tight, tense places . . . loosening and softening them . . . and then, gathering up all the tension . . . and breathing it out . . . so that more and more you can feel safe and comfortable, relaxed and easy, watching the cleansing action of the breath . . . with friendly but detached awareness . . .

And any distracting thoughts or feelings that you might have . . . those, too, are sent out with the breath . . . so that inside you can be still and quiet, like a lake with no ripples . . .

And now, imagining a place where you feel safe and peaceful and easy . . . a place either real or imaginary . . . a place from your past . . . or somewhere that you've always wanted to go . . . it doesn't matter . . . just so that it's a place that feels good and safe and peaceful to you . . .

And allowing the place to become more real to you . . . looking around you . . . taking the place in with your eyes . . . enjoying the colors . . . the scenery . . . looking over to your right . . . and over to your left . . .

And listening to the sounds of the place . . . whatever they might be . . . wind or water . . . birds or crickets . . . just so your ears can become familiar with the music of your special place . . .

And feeling whatever you are sitting against or lying upon . . . or perhaps feeling the quality of the ground beneath your feet . . . whether it's sand or grass . . . a pine-needle forest floor . . . or you might be in a cozy armchair . . . or sitting on a nice, warm rock in the sun . . .

And feeling the air on your skin . . . either brisk and breezy . . . or soft and still . . . crisp and dry . . . or balmy and wet . . . perhaps you are inside, feeling the warmth of a cozy fire on your face and hands . . . or maybe you are outdoors, and there's just the subtlest caress of a fragrant, gentle breeze . . . so just enjoying the feel of the place on your skin . . .

And smelling its rich fragrance . . .whether it's the soft, full scent of flowers . . . or the pungent smell of salt sea air . . . or sweet meadow grass . . . or maybe the pungent smell of peat moss in the forest . . .

And as you become more and more attuned to the safety and beauty of this place . . . feeling thankful and happy to be there . . . you begin to feel a kind of a tingling on your skin . . . a pleasant, energizing something in the air all around you . . . something that contains expectancy and excitement . . . and you know with some certainty . . . that it is good and right to be here . . . that there is magic in this place . . . and something wonderful is just about to happen . . .

And as that certainty settles around you, you notice that the tingling is taking on a kind of a glow . . . that the air is alive . . .

You can feel the air around you intensifying . . . glowing . . . dancing with sparkling energy . . . and with a sense of gentle wonder for such stunning beauty, you feel the light moving down into your body . . . softly entering your head and neck . . . moving into your shoulders and torso . . . sending a warm, vibrating softness all through your body, all the way down into your legs and feet . . . moving with deliberate intelligence to the deepest places where pain and fear are stored . . . and feeling the spaces begin to soften and open . . . as you breathe into them . . . fully and deeply . . .

You suddenly realize you are not alone . . . that you are aware of a warm presence all around you . . . and looking around, surprised but not surprised . . . you see that you are surrounded by gentle, loving beings . . . immediately recognizable as allies . . . smiling and nodding in the remarkable light . . . warming you with their protective presence . . .

And you can breathe deeply, filling your whole body with this generous healing energy . . . perhaps letting the tears begin to melt the armor around the heart . . . as the eyes that gently see you, nod and smile . . . showing you that it is understood, how much hurting you have done . . . it is understood, the stony-cold aloneness you have felt . . . the wordless ache of longing . . . the stinging regret . . . the disappointment of interrupted dreams . . . all the pain is understood . . . breathtakingly intense at one moment . . . and heavy and dull the next . . . all of it is understood . . .

You feel the warmth of this awareness begin to collect and radiate through your entire chest . . . sending compassion and forgiveness and reassurance to every corner of your being . . . soft and easy . . . sweet and rich and full . . . as you breathe into the opening spaces of your heart . . . widened by the warmth of the healing hand . . .

And suddenly you are certain . . . you know with your whole heart . . . with your whole being . . . that there is a place where nothing is lost . . . where all the love and sweetness, direct or disguised, that you have ever felt is still alive . . . that all the love you have ever felt for anyone at any time is alive and well in the vast spaces of your own open heart . . . placed there forever . . . rich and nourishing and boundless . . . always available to sustain you . . .

Breathing in to touch it . . . breathing out to let it move through you . . . feeling the body soften . . . sending a gentle, healing forgiveness all through you . . . a new compassion for yourself . . . a different way of looking . . .

Perhaps you understand that you are being shown . . . that even this terrible pain can be a teacher . . . showing you something you need to know . . . about yourself . . . about who you are . . . and who you are becoming . . .

You know that even this will look different to you in time . . . when you know more about who you have become . . . when you are connected to your life in a new way . . . and the pain has permanently softened . . . when this has become part of the depth and richness of the texture of your life . . .

In the deep, gentle warmth of the eyes that look at you, you see that it is understood that you have seen this . . . that you have had a glimmer of your own healing . . . that you understand that nothing has been lost to the vastness of the heart . . . that the whole world spins there . . . and so you can begin to return to the peaceful stillness at your center . . . breathing in to touch it . . . breathing out to let it move through you . . .

And as your gentle band of allies smiles and nods . . . your special one says, "Remember, we are always here. It is you who come and go. Call for us anytime and we will come."

And gathering up a handful of the glowing, vibrating light, places it in your heart for safekeeping . . . your own special supply . . . to use as needed . . .

And so, feeling peaceful and easy . . . you watch as the light slowly begins to withdraw . . . returning to wherever it came from . . . until it is gone altogether . . . for now . . . knowing it is yours to call forth again, whenever you wish . . .

And taking a deep full breath . . . feeling the widened spaces that are now opened . . . you once again see yourself in your safe and peaceful surroundings . . . feeling safe and easy . . . although perhaps the colors around you are brighter . . . the air more alive . . .

You might feel that something powerful has happened . . . that a major shift has occurred . . . and will continue to occur . . . with or without your conscious working on it . . .

And you can see very clearly that you can call forth this place . . . the powerful healing cone of light . . . the special ones . . . whenever you wish to further the work that you have already done . . .

And so . . . feeling yourself sitting in your chair or lying down . . . breathing in and out, very rhythmically and easily . . . gently and with soft eyes . . . coming back into the room whenever you are ready . . . knowing in a deep place that you have done important healing work . . . that you are better for this . . . and so you are . . .

Bellaruth Naparstek, Staying Well with Guided Imagery: How to Harness the Power of Your Imagination for Health and Healing, pp. 17-23, 116- 122

*This guided meditation is essentially taken from the Health Journeys series, For People Experiencing Grief, by Bellaruth Naparstek, produced by Time Warner AudioBooks, Los Angeles, California, 1993.