Never ending sinking heart...

by Cyn

My dearest Andrew,

In our 8 years of marriage I have continuously let you down, let our family down, and let myself down. I am ashamed of the way I acted and have acted in the past. My drinking has led me to the brink of my own destruction as well as the relationships I carry with you and my family.

I have hurt you all so many times with my horrible words and horrific actions. Every time I say I'm sorry, that I will change, that I will do better and to this day I still let you down.

I have expected you to act in certain ways and expected you to do certain things, I should never have done so. It is not fair of me to do that to you. I should accept and love you for you not who I think you should be.

My temper is consuming at times and uncontrollable. I wish it wasn't. I wish I would stop allowing myself to fall into that. I realize my words and actions cannot be taken back or forgotten.

I don't want to lose you, I want this to work, but I feel as if it is too late.

I am so ashamed, so upset with myself, and so sad of what I have put you through. I want to say I'm sorry but those words have no meaning to you anymore and for good reasons. My heart hurts and it is my fault alone. My pain is my punishment along with whatever happens going forward from this point in time.