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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

What I know so far...

The Twins. TWO months old.
July 23, 2012

"I don't know how you do it."

I get that comment every single day.

(or rather...the days that I actually shower and have the luxury of leaving the house)

I think most people feel complete pity for moms of multiples when watching them attempt an outing.
I also think that the moment you get pregnant with mulitples you should expect EVERY SINGLE PERSON who sees you, to wander over and examine your babies and congratulate you. (that's the fun part:)
Something about TWO just causes flocks of people to surround you and your stroller and ask you everything from their names, to their weight, and if you exclusively breastfeed:)

It must look sooo exhausting to the majority of people...(at least that's what I prefer to think when they are watching, staring and pointing as I am loading my double stroller, 2 screaming babies and one five year old who's been bribed with an ice-cream cone through the mall). I prefer to think that...because the alternative may hurt my feelings. (i.e. she is a complete wreck, I wonder if she knows her pants are done up with a hair-tie:)

It's funny...because all that they (the public population) see is the events that take place once you get where you're going! Watching the events that take place in order to even leave the house is the real circus.

For example, last week I needed to run an errand. I needed to go to Khol's. I had the genius idea of having Jarom and all three kiddos join me:)

Within minutes of arriving...Mason pooped.
Trip #1 to the bathrrom for bum change.

Then London was hungry. Feed bottle #1 while trying to browse and keep Mason from crying.

Mason is now hungry....SO I feed him and hand off London to Jarom for burping.

Oh...now London just pooped.
Trip #2 to the bathroom for bum change.

We each have a cart, a baby...each baby has now been fed and burped and changed...and is crying. WE have been at Kohl's for an hour...and have spent all 60 minutes solving one crisis after another:)

Jarom turned to me and said:

"Doesn't this cure you from ever wanting to leave the house again?"

Surprisingly,
No. The answer is no. It does not:)

Which is why I braved the "Outside world" again this weekend and the babies experienced the California Pizza Kitchen, watching big brother Jaxon run through the fountain at the Gateway and 2 hours watching Jaxson try on jeans in Gapkids. Geesh.

I was sweating from EVERY PORE.
But the Kindergartner has pants people...and that's all that matters!! Success.

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The truth is: I think that the more you go...and the more you do...the less depressed you are.
If I sat inside ALL DAY and truly thought about how impossible it was to leave (and it is just that....NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE) I would be a wreck. I need a life. They joined MY LIFE. They didn't stop it. They just CHANGED it. In a...this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life...kind of a way:)

I think it's good to make your kids flexible.
Schedule SMEDULE I say:)

I hope to teach my children to be well-behaved and well mannered in public.
I want them used to interacting and getting out.
I would prefer to have them be capable of sleeping anywhere (stroller, carseat, etc.) rather than have a complete "I am pissed and I will make you pay" meltdown in Target because it's 15 minutes passed naptime.

Bottom line: I am a bad mom.
No really...I am. I have had guilt about this since the day Jaxson was born.
I Wished that I was more schedule oriented.
I Wished he had a bedtime.
I Wished he ate fruits and vegetables instead of fruitsnacks:)
I Wished all of these things...and then the other day I realized something.

I don't care.

I finally (5.5 years after becoming a mother) embraced how I do things.

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Let me expand a bit further:):)

EVERY single book for Twin mothers or book that was written about TWINS suggests one key thing.
1. GET YOUR CHILD ON THE SAME SCHEDULE. I will tell you the exact opposite. (at least for the first 8 weeks of their life...then go for it:)

Think about it.
Why would you want two babies screaming at you at the same moment completely unable to make them both happy?? Why would you want to CHOOSE one over the other???
Why would you sit and juggle them....giving neither of them the attention they deserve...because your splitting it and barely surviving the moment??

And yes, every author of every twin book out there, I understand that women have two boobs and therefore can take care of feeding them both at one time (it is quiet convenient I'll give them that) but can you please explain what you do for the 20 minutes after nursing them when you need 4 arms for burping, changing, rocking, etc.

The few times I tried that...the scene in my family room looked a little something like this:

London wakes up screaming for food. I get her and my massive nursing pillow ready...then WAKE UP MASON (first stupid move). Now I have one hungry baby and one screaming and tired (not really hungry) baby on my hands. I get them all into "position" because the coordination it takes to nurse both babies in "football hold" is nothing short of amazing.
They both nurse and all is quiet and peaceful for about 20 minutes. Then they finish.
CRAP.
Who do I burp first.
Ok...Mason has reflux..I will burp him first.
Start burping Mason while balancing London on my Lap.
London starts screaming because she has an air bubble and Mason is getting the attention...NOT HER.
She screams and freaks out...then has a major blow out.
Yellow poop everywhere. Up her back. Outfit is trash now:)
I set Mason down (before he is finished burping) so that I can attend to London and her amazing mess that she is currently making on my leather couch.
Mason's reflux get's the better of him and when he is laid down....he barfs (pretty much everything he just ate) onto the carpet.

It took me over an hour to get the situation under control people.
I was proud because I only used 17 cuss words too.

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Then I ate a bowl of fudge brownie ice cream because I obviously deserved it.

****

(check out mason in this....it cracks me up:)

I want to write a book about raising TWINS someday.
I don't know much.
...but I do know that somebody out there needs to write one for regular women like me.
Women who hate schedules.
Women who have TWO arms.
Women who Hate babywise.
Women who Mother with their heart instead of by the book.
Women who hate books that just put ideas into your head about "what you should do"...or
"what your baby should be capable of doing." HATE THAT.
Women who believe that their babies are individuals...who should dictate their own schedule and not be hungry just because their twin is!! Basically, they should do what they want....when they want:)
(at least until 3 months old)

SO what. I fully recognize that I'm their slave.
The most valuable lesson that my infertility taught me is to SOAK IT UP.
The most valuable lesson my first son taught me: They become independant and capable all too quickly. So soak it up. Soak up this time when they need you for everything.

---
Let me tell you something: everything take twice as long. It is also twice as much fun and brings me twice as much joy. I brushed my teeth for the first time today at 3:35 p.m.
Why??? because my babies needed me. And they won't forever.
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I am asked questions about having TWINS every single day. Although I only know a fraction of what "experienced" mother's of multiples could tell you...I have learned SOOOO much and QUICK. I guess you could say that it's a pretty steap learning curve when your handed TWO newborns on the same day...each with such different needs....and it's your job to keep them both alive:)

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The past two weeks have been a blast.
I am exhausted and worn out constantly...but I am having the time of my life.

Today my friend Rachel came over and held a screaming baby while I ate a peanut butter sandwhich for lunch like I was a 4 year old:) I haven't had a peanut butter sandwhich since high school! Serious.

I hadn't showered...I hadn't quite gotten around to putting on a bra yet....but I was still smiling.

because...Oh my goodness these THREE are so worth it.

on a sidenote: who knew a girl could be so much fun. Does any other mother have an obsession with tiny girl swimsuits!? I think London just got her 9th for next summer. Whoops. AND unless I plan on making her wear a huge poofy dress every day from 12-18 months of her life...I need to be stopped.

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...and my Jaxson...
well, that boy will always have my heart!
He is the best son and big brother and helper I could have ever asked for.
These TWINS are extra lucky to have such a caring and loving big brother.

Jaxson...you taught me everything I know about being a mom buddy:)
Thanks for letting me learn on you.
xoxo
Mom

*******

Tomorrow I will tell you about how I went shopping for some "in between" clothes (as I like to call them) and the darling employee in Bohme decided to leave a stack of jeans in my "what she thought I was size" on the chair in my dressing room.

"Just left a few things I thought you might like or want to try on!!" she says as she walks away.

8 comments:

Oh my goodness, this takes me back to last year. Both my twins had reflux and although I was told to put them on the same schedule, it was completely impossible. After 3 months I was able to get them on the same schedule and it is so much better! Nap time, lunch time, bath time, bedtime, it's all done at once now and I can actually get a shower in or some house work.

I completely agree with you about getting out. I would go nuts if I had to stay home all day every day. It's definitley not easy, but it's worth it. It also helps to schedule some time for a night out with my husband or friends. Before you know it, they are going to be 6 months old and you'll be thinking how much easier it all is.

I think you arethemost perfect mom. I couldn't agree anymore with you on this post! Hate baby wise don't believe in schedules even though I think it would be nice to have one. My mom sometimes think I am crazy for not having one or maybe I cater too much. But I like it!love your blog lady!

Hey!! Can I just say first---WOW. You are one supermom! I've enjoyed reading your posts and don't usually comment but first I have to say your babies are BEAUTIFUL!! I had a baby just a couple weeks before your two so I've enjoyed reading and relating, although on a much smaller scale, to your pregnancy and now newborn posts. I don't have two but I do have a two year old as well who keeps me busy. I really liked this post though because sometimes I'm hard on myself for not being more 'schedule oriented' and its good to be reminded of how unimportant that is and that your baby needing you is more. Love all the pictures. Please keep sharing your experiences ;) it's fun to relate!!!

I am laughing my head off at the Kohls experience. We tried to go to a cabin this weekend and Luke cried the entire way up; hates his carseat and Brynn my toddler cried the entire way back. And, I think I'll stay home now. I agree with you though on books. I felt like I had to do everything by the book with my first child and then I said, to heck with it. Your heart and intuition will tell you what YOUR child needs.

You're doing awesome with a positive attitude. Keep up the awesome Mommy work! They are downright gorgeous. And yes, little dresses and swimsuits are sooo addicting!!!

First of all, I love Jaxson's shirt about a back up plan to become a pro baseball player if he doesn't make it through law school. I'm guessing his dad got him that? :) Second of all, holy moly!!! You are a brave woman to face the public head on with so many diapers, feedings, and burping to take care of! Regarding the lack of schedule, how does the other one not wake up when one cries? ? It would be so hard to make them have different schedules, but I can see how it would be hard to have them on the same schedule too! Basically, everything would be hard. :)

Oh how boring life would be if you had a schedule. They adapt. And soon enought they will have to be on a schedule forever. Enjoy getting up and going. I vacuumed, played the stereo, etc., etc., and my boys can and do sleep everywhere still...any they are grown. You amaze me and I find myself smiling as I read your posts. I still secretly hope to run into you one day. I feel as if I already know you and wished you lived in my neighborhood.