"I don't care if you're going to miss your friends in Palos Verdes High, you're never getting into Stanford unless you do an exchange semester in Appalachia. And we legally changed your name to Lurleen."

“… It’s nearly test season, Mrs. Privington; so we’ll need to get started during this phone screen. Is your kid with you now?”
“Yes. We’re on PCH, headed to our weekend pl–“
“That won’t do. Reach over and slap them.”
“WUT”
“They’ll need to show up to the test with bruises”