Gay Pride should be about equal, civil rights - not sex

Updated 8:01 pm, Friday, June 27, 2014

Cans heralding a same-sex wedding are tied behind a car making its way up Market Street at the Gay Pride Parade.

Cans heralding a same-sex wedding are tied behind a car making its way up Market Street at the Gay Pride Parade.

Photo: Michael Short, Special To The Chronicle

Gay Pride should be about equal, civil rights - not sex

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Every time I think about Gay Pride events and parades, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. You may wonder why I, a gay man with a human rights tattoo on my shoulder, do not support these events that draw in hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world. Two words - complete embarrassment.

I was in the city shopping last weekend and picked up the 2014 San Francisco Pride program flyer. It did not take me long to remember why I have never had any pride in these events - regardless of which city it is in.

San Francisco is supposed to be the world hub of Gay Pride events. Yet, as you look through the official program, you will quickly notice a recurring and undesirable theme - SEX. The very first page is an advertisement to "Come Play" in Palm Springs with a scantily dressed man. The calendar of events advertises a porn star performing live sex shows at Nob Hill Theater. There are advertisements for gay bathhouses and gay pornography websites. This list goes on and on, including a full separate booklet about sex events. Is this really what the gay community is proud of?

To me, this exemplifies exactly what is wrong with so many members of the gay community. Gay Pride should be about equal rights, human rights, civil rights and pride in ourselves as gay individuals. It should be about support, caring, and sharing our love. It should be about showing the straight community that we are people, too. It should illustrate the pain we have suffered as an oppressed group. It should reveal our drive and passion to earn equal rights and respect. It should be an event that demonstrates that love is love - regardless of sexual orientation.

Pride should be an event where people can come and have fun, feel safe, show their pride in being gay, and be role models for younger generations. It should be a celebration of life, love, pride and happiness.

Pride used to be about issues, agendas and politics - all while still having a wonderful time. That no longer is the case.

When did being gay become being about sex, sex parties, disgusting bathhouses, live sex shows and nudity? Children can no longer attend Pride in a safe environment. Confused teenagers can no longer come to seek answers, support and fun.

Pride has morphed from a celebration of gay culture and rights to an infestation of fetishes, sex, partying and pornography. Children and teenagers who attend will see these programs, flyers, shows, nudity and bad behavior. Is this really what we want to teach our gay and lesbian children? Do we want to tell them that this is the gay norm?

African Americans and other minority groups have fought for centuries for equal rights. They protested, demonstrated and worked hard to claim what was theirs. They marched on Washington, lobbied for new laws and never stopped fighting. Never did they turn their cause into a display of stereotypes or disgusting behavior as San Francisco Pride has. They fought for what they believed in and continue to do so with dignity today.

I will indeed attend the San Francisco Pride event. I will ignore all of the disgusting behavior that only fuels society's stereotypes of our gay culture. I will proudly walk holding my partner's hand and demonstrate that being gay does not involve the stereotypes and myths showcased at this event. I will talk to people and tell them that being gay does not sentence you to a life of sex, drugs, porn and promiscuity. I will talk to kids who need advice and direction. I will tell them about our successful life together - full of love, dreams, hope and monogamy.

I am just a man who happens to love another man and who is proud of that. Next year at this time, I will be a father - thus fulfilling one of the biggest dreams of my life. I can imagine my partner and myself pushing our baby in his stroller to the park, and seeing our baby take his first steps or play sports for the first time. We will be seen in our neighborhood as a loving couple and great fathers - and a normal part of the East Bay community. What you will never see, however, is me taking my son to San Francisco Pride.

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