Maxed out

Medalling in political hubris

With all media clogged like cholesterol-filled arteries with
all things Olympic, with the world’s attention riveted to the holy trinity of
gold, silver and bronze, and with Canada’s showing still limited to wood, it’s
probably time to focus on some of the things we do so well. Really, when you
come right down to it, being a top-notch swimmer or gymnast or beach volleyball
player will only get you so far in life when the time finally comes to leave
the pursuits of childhood behind… assuming it ever does.

It’s also important, psychologists tell us, to celebrate those
things in which we excel. In that spirit of salving the collective psyche, it
seems entirely appropriate to award coveted gold, silver and bronze medals
— virtual, naturally; so much more sustainable when you eliminate the
need to actually mine and refine the medals themselves — for achievements
in a field in which Canadians seem to shine: goofball political hubris.

Without ever actually starting a war for no legitimate reason
whatsoever or test firing missiles to prove we can still get it up or declaring
a sect of pacifist monks to be closet terrorists, Canada is admittedly still
playing in the bush league when it comes to political hubris. Hence the
goofball qualifier.

Still, it doesn’t take a threat to world peace to raise the ire
of Canadians. Changing the bus schedule will do just fine. This is not to say
we’re incapable of being outraged by the shenanigans perpetrated by those we
have elected or appointed to lead us down blind alleys, we just tend to show
that outrage in more genteel ways, like promising to ourselves we’ll re-elect
the scoundrels with a smaller majority/minority next time around.

And so, with the repetitive chords of O Canada warbling out of
a tinny public address system, let us hang our honours around the necks of the
truly deserving.

It was a gold-medal performance last Friday when, lost in the
hype of the over-hyped and digitally-enhanced Opening Ceremonies, our own
Olympian, Rear-Entry Campbell, assuming perhaps no one would notice and fewer
would care, announced a most-deserved, most generous, most over the top pay
raise for the province’s hard working bureaucrats. Okay, so it was actually
Murray Coell, Minister of Labour Market Development(?) who announced it. But in
case you haven’t noticed, Murray never speaks while Gordo is drinking. Draw
your own conclusions.

The pay increases came into effect Aug. 1
st
. The
announcement was made Aug. 8
th
. Wonder why the delay? In any event,
assistant deputy ministers — the fry-cooks of senior bureaucrats —
garnered a mere 22 per cent pay raise, increasing their top-dollar earning
power to a hard-to-scrape-by-on $195,000. Full-fledged deputies won a more
respectable 35 per cent increase to $299,215.