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Movie Review: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, or Six Reasons This Is the Best Star Wars Film In a Long Time

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD (But you should've already seen this film by now)

Ahh, Rogue One. The first film in the Star Wars franchise that's not about the Skywalker family. Also described by director Gareth Edwards in The Director's Cut podcast as "the District 9 of the Star Wars universe", in terms of having a relatively low budget but delivering the most bang for the buck. And indeed, it does deliver.

But like all films with a huge fan base, there will be complaints. Some complain about the different types of stormtroopers that are never seen again after Episode IV. Some complain about the morally gray characters, like the supposedly good rebels who kill indiscriminately. All I can say is, ignore them. Well, if you're a true Star Wars fan, you'd watch this film regardless of the reviews. Just as if you're a true Star Wars fan, you would've recognised Mon Mothma from the trailer. Yes, I'm talking to you, weird guy with a Kylo Ren lightsaber in the theatre.

That said, here now are six reasons why Rogue One is possibly the best Star Wars story since, oh I don't know, The Empire Strikes Back.

K2SO
K2SO is my new favourite Star Wars droid. I can't say I had an old favourite. Maybe Chopper from Star Wars Rebels. Or BB8. But they're astromechs, incapable of human speech. And I've always found C3PO to be a bit too effeminate for my tastes. And now we have K2SO, a witty, sarcastic, funny, and badass former Imperial droid refurbished for rebellion purposes. Almost all the laugh-out-loud moments from Rogue One were uttered by K2SO. Oh, and he's voiced by Alan Tudyk, who was practically given free rein to ad lib his way throughout the entire production. And that is the reason why Alan Tudyk is one of my favourite voice actors of all time. Ever.

All the Easter eggs
Like I said, this film is a fanboy's wet dream come true. You can actually play a game while watching this, something like "Spot the Easter Egg". Let me rattle off some from the top of my head. The Mon Calamari fleet admirals (not Ackbar, sadly). The blue milk. Chopper, Artoo, and Threepio's cameo. That cantina duo from Mos Eisley (the one whose arm got sliced off by Obi-Wan Kenobi). Mon Mothma. Bail Organa. General Jan Dodonna. "I have a bad feeling about this." The rebel pilots Red Leader and Gold Leader. And of course, the special cameos of...

Chopper on the far left. Mon Mothma on the far right. Nerdgasm achieved.

Grand Moff Tarkin and Princess Leia
While I consider this a real treat, the resurrection of late actor Peter Cushing has drawn flak from both fans and non-fans alike for the ethics of using a dead actor to reprise a role. But for that decision, Edwards is not solely to blame: Industrial Light and Magic (ILM) wizard John Knoll (who also wrote the story for Rogue One) can be held equally liable. The Star Wars flicks have always pushed the technological envelope, especially in terms of special effects, and the CG resurrection of deceased actors may or may not catch on, but you have to hand it to the special effects team. Well this should hardly be any surprise, seeing as John Knoll co-created Photoshop with his brother. Having Tarkin and Princess Leia in here is basically just like Photoshopping them in a motion picture.

A younger Leia browsing on her smart phone. Like young people nowadays.

The most badass Darth Vader ever
Some not-so fans would probably discredit Darth Vader's power as being not-so powerful, what with his labored breathing, limited mobility, and lumbering lightsaber swings. Some of them would even argue that Darth Maul would be the most badass Sith, and that the only thing Vader has going for him would be his use of the Force to asphyxiate his enemies. But Rogue One shows us what slow lightsaber swings can do to an entire ship of rebels. It can still make them pee their pants in fear, apparently. And the best part is it's still James Earl Jones's voice. May Darth Vader haunt the nightmares of generations more to come.

It's a stand-alone film
This is possibly the best aspect of this film. Remember how greedy the Hollywood studio system has become? Bleeding franchises dry, adapting young adult novels left and right, splitting one book into two movies, that kind of thing? Well with Rogue One, Disney is seemingly reassuring us that "Look, we're not after your money. We're not going to give you three movies about one story when a single film will do." That's nice, Disney. But what they're really saying is, "Look, we bought the rights to this modern mythology that we all connect to, like the twenty-first century's Iliad, and we know you fanboys will eat up anything we release under the Star Wars banner. So this stand-alone film? This is nothing. We'll give you a hundred stand-alone films set in the Star Wars universe. And you'll all watch this like the desperate nerd losers that you are." That's pretty mean, Disney. But I have six words for you: Shut. Up. And. Take. My. Money.

Everybody dies
Yes, so sorry to disappoint you. There will be no other Jyn Erso movie, which means no more of Felicity Jones's face on IMAX. This is, after all, based on the opening crawl of Episode IV, about how "rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR". This is the story of those rebel spies. What they did was nothing short of heroic, having turned the tide for the Battle of Yavin. But where were those spies in A New Hope? Were they honoured with medals? Nope. If anyone deserved medals, it would be Jyn Erso, et al. But since the only one who got medals in that film were a rookie farmboy-turned-pilot, a smuggler, and a Wookie, we can only assume that everyone who had a hand in stealing the Death Star plans died. And this film is our way of honouring them.