Review: ‘Fametracker’

Mix the look of the "Farmer's Almanac," a snarky dose of celebrity worship and the wrath of Don Rickles and you get FameTracker.com, a Web site that offers a running commentary and rankings on the minutiae of Hollywood.

Mix the look of the “Farmer’s Almanac,” a snarky dose of celebrity worship and the wrath of Don Rickles and you get FameTracker.com, a Web site that offers a running commentary and rankings on the minutiae of Hollywood.

The rallying cry among ‘Net companies is that content is king, yet most don’t have the kind of sass and verve to bring the casual surfer back more than once. With FameTracker, the snotty tone is precisely the one most companies spend an absurd amount of money on market research trying to attain. Segments of the site range from Fame Audit — The Celebrity’s Worst Fear, which cuts movie stars and wannabes down to their appropriate size. Recent victims include Ben Affleck: “Current approximate level of fame: Johnny Depp. Deserved approximate level of fame: Omar Epps.”

The Galaxy of Stars ranks celebrities in terms of how hot they are: the closer to the sun, the better. On the current Galaxy of Diva Fame, Winona Ryder shines as Mars, with the release of her last movie termed: “Girl, With Rug Swept Out From Under Her by Her Co-Star.”

In the Two Stars, One Slot feature, up-and-comers battle for the acting niche they both seem to be striving for. The Battle of the Bankable Jailbait pits Leelee Sobieski against Natalie Portman. The advantage is given to Sobieski because of Portman’s recent performances in “bland Oprah’s book club dross.”

The complaint with a site this vicious and wickedly funny is that besides the daily poll feature, it’s infrequently updated. If the writers could get the site refreshed with new content on a regular basis, it could gain an allegiance as fierce as that of weekly parody magazine and Web site the Onion.