Monday, May 2, 2016

49 Phrases to Calm an Anxious Child

It
happens to every child in one form or another – anxiety. As parents, we would
like to shield our children from life’s anxious moments, but navigating anxiety
is an essential life skill that will serve them in the years to come. In the
heat of the moment, try these simple phrases to help your children
identify, accept, and work through their anxious moments.

1. “Can you draw it?”

Drawing,
painting or doodling about an anxiety provides kids with an outlet for their
feelings when they can’t use their words.

2. “I love you. You are safe.”

Being
told that you will be kept safe by the person you love the most is a powerful
affirmation. Remember, anxiety makes your children feel as if their minds and
bodys are in danger. Repeating they are safe can soothe the nervous system.

3. “Let’s pretend we’re blowing up a giant
balloon. We’ll take a deep breath and blow it up to the count of 5.”

If
you tell a child to take a deep breath in the middle of a panic attack, chances
are you’ll hear, “I CAN’T!” Instead, make it a game. Pretend to blow up a
balloon, making funny noises in the process. Taking three deep breaths and
blowing them out will actually reverse the stress response in the body and may
even get you a few giggles in the process.

4. “I will say something and I want you to say
it exactly as I do: ‘I can do this.’” Do this 10 times at variable volume.

Marathon
runners use this trick all of the time to get past “the wall.”

5. “Why do you think that is?”

This
is especially helpful for older kids who can better articulate the “Why” in
what they are feeling.

6. “What will happen next?”

If
your children are anxious about an event, help them think through the event and
identify what will come after it. Anxiety causes myopic vision, which makes
life after the event seem to disappear.

7. “We are an unstoppable team.”

Separation
is a powerful anxiety trigger for young children. Reassure them that you will
work together, even if they can’t see you.

8. Have a battle cry: “I am a warrior!”;
“I am unstoppable!”; or “Look out World, here I come!”

There
is a reason why movies show people yelling before they go into battle. The
physical act of yelling replaces fear with endorphins. It can also be fun.

9. “If how you feel was a monster, what would
it look like?”

Giving
anxiety a characterization means you take a confusing feeling and make it
concrete and palpable. Once kids have a worry character, they can talk to their
worry.

10. “I can’t wait until _____.”

Excitement
about a future moment is contagious.

11. “Let’s put your worry on the shelf
while we _____ (listen to your favorite song, run around the block, read this
story). Then we’ll pick it back up again.”

Those
who are anxiety-prone often feel as though they have to carry their anxiety
until whatever they are anxious about is over. This is especially difficult
when your children are anxious about something they cannot change in the
future. Setting it aside to do something fun can help put their worries into
perspective.

12. “This feeling will go away. Let’s
get comfortable until it does.”

The
act of getting comfortable calms the mind as well as the body. Weightier
blankets have even been shown to reduce anxiety by increasing mild physical
stimuli.

13. “Let’s learn more about it.”

Let
your children explore their fears by asking as many questions as they need.
After all, knowledge is power.

14. “Let’s count _____.”

This
distraction technique requires no advance preparation. Counting the number of
people wearing boots, the number of watches, the number of kids, or the number
of hats in the room requires observation and thought, both of which detract
from the anxiety your child is feeling.

15. “I need you to tell me when 2 minutes have
gone by.”

Time
is a powerful tool when children are anxious. By watching a clock or a watch
for movement, a child has a focus point other than what is happening.

16. “Close your eyes. Picture this…”

Visualization
is a powerful technique used to ease pain and anxiety. Guide your child through
imagining a safe, warm, happy place where they feel comfortable. If they
are listening intently, the physical symptoms of anxiety will dissipate.

17. “I get scared/nervous/anxious sometimes
too. It’s no fun.”

Empathy
wins in many, many situations. It may even strike up a conversation with your
older child about how you overcame anxiety.

18. “Let’s pull out our calm-down checklist.”

Anxiety
can hijack the logical brain; carry a checklist with coping skills your child
has practiced. When the need presents itself, operate off of this checklist.

19. “You are not alone in how you feel.”

Pointing
out all of the people who may share their fears and anxieties helps your child
understand that overcoming anxiety is universal.

20. “Tell me the worst thing that could
possibly happen.”

Once
you’ve imagined the worst possible outcome of the worry, talk about the
likelihood of that worst possible situation happening. Next, ask your
child about the best possible outcome. Finally, ask them about the most likely
outcome. The goal of this exercise is to help a child think more accurately
during their anxious experience.

21. “Worrying is helpful, sometimes.”

This
seems completely counter-intuitive to tell a child that is already anxious, but
pointing out why anxiety is helpful reassures your children that there isn’t
something wrong with them.

22. “What does your thought bubble say?”

If
your children read comics, they are familiar with thought bubbles and how they
move the story along. By talking about their thoughts as third-party observers,
they can gain perspective on them.

23. “Let’s find some evidence.”

Collecting
evidence to support or refute your child’s reasons for anxiety helps your
children see if their worries are based on fact.

24. “Let’s have a debate.”

Older
children especially love this exercise because they have permission to debate
their parent. Have a point, counter-point style debate about the reasons for
their anxiety. You may learn a lot about their reasoning in the process.

25. “What is the first piece we need to worry
about?”

Anxiety
often makes mountains out of molehills. One of the most important strategies
for overcoming anxiety is to break the mountain back down into manageable
chunks. In doing this, we realize the entire experience isn’t causing anxiety,
just one or two parts.

26. “Let’s list all of the people you love.”

Anais
Nin is credited with the quote, “Anxiety is love’s greatest killer.” If that
statement is true, then love is anxiety’s greatest killer as well. By recalling
all of the people that your child loves and why, love will replace
anxiety.

27. “Remember when…”

Competence
breeds confidence. Confidence quells anxiety. Helping your children recall a time
when they overcame anxiety gives them feelings of competence and thereby
confidence in their abilities.

28. “I am proud of you already.”

Knowing
you are pleased with their efforts, regardless of the outcome, alleviates the
need to do something perfectly – a source of stress for a lot of kids.

29. “We’re going for a walk.”

Exercise
relieves anxiety for up to several hours as it burns excess energy, loosens
tense muscles and boosts mood. If your children can’t take a walk right now,
have them run in place, bounce on a yoga ball, jump rope or stretch.

30. “Let’s watch your thought pass by.”

Ask
your children to pretend the anxious thought is a train that has stopped at the
station above their head. In a few minutes, like all trains, the thought will
move on to its next destination.

31. “I’m taking a deep breath.”

Model
a calming strategy and encourage your child to mirror you. If your children
allow you, hold them to your chest so they can feel your rhythmic breathing and
regulate theirs.

32. “How can I help?”

Let
your children guide the situation and tell you what calming strategy or tool
they prefer in this situation.

33. “This feeling will pass.”

Often,
children will feel like their anxiety is never-ending. Instead of shutting
down, avoiding, or squashing the worry, remind them that relief is on the way.

34. “Let’s squeeze this stress ball together.”

When
your children direct their anxiety to a stress ball, they feel emotional
relief. Buy a ball, keep a handful of play dough nearby or make your own homemade
stress ball by filling a balloon with flour or rice.

35. “I see Widdle is worried again. Let’s
teach Widdle not to worry.”

Create
a character to represent the worry, such as Widdle the Worrier. Tell your
child that Widdle is worried and you need to teach him some coping skills.

36. “I know this is hard.”

Acknowledge
that the situation is difficult. Your validation shows your children that you
respect them.

37. “I have your smell buddy right here.”

A
smell buddy, fragrance necklace or diffuser can calm anxiety, especially when
you fill it with lavender, sage, chamomile, sandalwood or jasmine.

38. “Tell me about it.”

Without
interrupting, listen to your children talk about what’s bothering them. Talking
it out can give your children time to process their thoughts and come up with a
solution that works for them.

39. “You are so brave!”

Affirm
your children’s ability to handle the situation, and you empower them to
succeed this time.

40. “Which calming strategy do you want to use
right now?”

Because
each anxious situation is different, give your children the opportunity to
choose the calming strategy they want to use.

41. “We’ll get through this together.”

Supporting
your children with your presence and commitment can empower them to persevere
until the scary situation is over.

42. “What else do you know about (scary
thing)?”

When
your children face a consistent anxiety, research it when they are calm. Read
books about the scary thing and learn as much as possible about it. When the
anxiety surfaces again, ask your children to recall what they’ve learned. This
step removes power from the scary thing and empowers your child.

43. “Let’s go to your happy place.”

Visualization
is an effective tool against anxiety. When your children are calm, practice
this calming strategy until they are able to use it successfully during anxious
moments.

44. “What do you need from me?”

Ask
your children to tell you what they need. It could be a hug, space or a
solution.

45. “If you gave your­­ feeling a color, what
would it be?”

Asking
another person to identify what they’re feeling in the midst of anxiety is
nearly impossible. But asking your children to give how they feel with a color,
gives them a chance to think about how they feel relative to something simple.
Follow up by asking why their feeling is that color.

46. “Let me hold you.”

Give
your children a front hug, a hug from behind, or let them sit on your lap. The
physical contact provides a chance for your child to relax and feel safe.

47. “Remember when you made it through XYZ?”

Reminding
your child of a past success will encourage them to persevere in this
situation.

48. “Help me move this wall.”

Hard
work, like pushing on a wall, relieves tension and emotions. Resistance bands
also work.

49. “Let’s write a new story.”

Your children
have written a story in their mind about how the future is going to turn out.
This future makes them feel anxious. Accept their story and then ask them to
come up with a few more plot lines where the story’s ending is different.

Have an anxious child?Visit GoZen! for
engaging anxiety relief animations for your child.

Bio:

Renee Jain is an
award-winning tech entrepreneur turned speaker and certified life coach. She
holds a masters in applied positive psychology from the University of
Pennsylvania. Renee’s passion is taking research-based concepts and
transforming them into fun and digestible learning modules. Renee teaches
anxious children how to manage stress and worry through her innovative GoZen! Anxiety Relief Programs for Kids.