11.16.2005

For those of you who have felt bad for Chris Klein since his break-up with Katie Holmes, stop it. Stop. It. Right. Now. Oh my gawwwd, I just read a bunch of excerpts from Klein's recent interview with Elle Magazine and he sounds like the biggest prick in the universe!! I see the Tom and Katie thing in a whole new light now and can honestly believe her love for Cruise is 100% real and she is just "thrilled" to have him after being trapped with such a piggish ass like Chris Klein for 5 years. Without further adieu, I bring you excerpts:

"I don't need food to impress, man," boasts the cocky "American Pie" C-lister. "It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she's cooking the food."

Chris, 26, a self-described "alpha heterosexual" who only dates "8 to 10's," also reveals how displeased he is if a woman he's seeing gains a few pounds. "I'm not tolerant of that at all," declares the actor, who says he has no problem telling his swollen squeeze to shape up. "When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body," he pontificates. "You have to say no." Klein then rejects the interviewer's suggestion that "they're just looking for you to say, 'You look beautiful to me, honey.'" "If they do, it's placating," he scoffs. "I don't placate."

Given this attitude, it's not surprising when he admits the "worst thing" a woman ever said to him was, "You're a [expletive that rhymes with 'brass pole']." As he recalls, "The time it really hurt was when a stranger said it. I was just trying to tell this chick to get lost. I try to treat all women with respect whether they're pretty or ugly. I want to be nice and be like, 'Wow, thanks for the attention. But get out of my face.'"

A few other gentlemanly gems from the chat include Chris describing wooing a woman as a "predator-prey situation" and admitting he stays "very closed off until a woman deserves to know me completely."

Asked if this approach makes it tough for potential partners to unravel the enigma that is Chris Klein, he sneers, "Hey, man, I'm not here to hold hands and babysit. She's got to come to the table with something."

As for his romance with Holmes, Klein reveals they "had an absolute ball, but we grew up." He insists they're still friends even though they don't talk, and dismissively says he doesn't keep up with her "amazing" Cruise coupling, "No way," he huffs. "I've got fantasy football to play."