Hope. Joy.. Feelings cloaked as words.

My thoughts were scattered asunder, my head was in the agonising grip from hell, nothing seemed to make sense in this realm, gravity was void, yet nothingness was not prominent. There were an array of daily items hovering around me, giving the nothingness some matter to be occupied.

Wearied amalgamated with nonsensical thoughts, I spun between the thin line between reality and fantasy, the gray area where the faculty of thoughts were put to waste, nothing seemed real, something was a strong word to describe my nonentity in this realm of uncertainty.

Head crunched away by pain, I died standing, once, twice, several thousand times, I saw my head sliced clean meticulously the same way every time when this clip played back in my mind. My eyes were empty sockets, my thoughts were sailing into the uncharted waters of concussion, where memories and ideas were screwed up.

The pain, once again, I crushed myself into the bed near to me, leaving the desk filled with academic books. I can’t… I just can’t… nothing made sense… Failure, not understanding, setting my brain in an overdrive, were the downfalls of me, my studies, I was just reluctant to move, to study, I just wanted to lay down, and do nothing, think nothing, being a hollow flesh container.

is that how you want your life to be? A stern voice rang into me, from a higher being, Him. It was just one sentence, not enough to stand me up. You are your teacher now, people are going to help you, at minimal, but you are going to figure things out yourself. A brief hiatus, if you screw things up in this period of time, you literally make things hard for yourself.

I prayed and I cried for these passions to come back, I need to surrender all things to him, first I had to surrendered my life, then self-satisfaction, even more the devices. Nothing could stop me, except for myself.