Chronicle file photoJohnathan Chadwick Neiger-Bickham, shackled and in a jail jumpsuit, was sentenced last month to seven to 15 years in prison after pleading no contest to three counts of drunken driving causing death. "This is my nightmare from hell," he says.

The nightmare always returns when Johnathan Chadwick Neiger-Bickham closes his eyes in his prison cell to sleep.

The only survivor of the Dec. 12 crash, Neiger-Bickham is currently serving 7-15 years after pleading no contest to three counts of drunken driving causing death.

"This is my nightmare from hell," Neiger-Bickham wrote in a letter to his father Andy Bickham, earlier this year from Jackson Prison. Later, he was transferred to the U.P. facility.

The "hell" he was talking about wasn't just the prison conditions.

A "dope" Life

Neiger-Bickham says he began drinking alcohol and taking drugs when he was 12- or 13-years-old -- maybe younger. He's hesitant to point the finger of blame at anyone else -- admitting only that booze and drugs were easily accessible as he was growing up.

Chronicle file photoNeiger-Bickham remembers driving up to the intersection of M-120 and Old Orchard Lane, but he doesn't recall the truck smashing into his car Dec. 12. Neiger-Bickham, half-brother Shawn Huq and friends Aaron Pham and Terry Ripley were at a party before the accident. Enlarge photo

During his childhood he was bounced back-and-forth between his divorced parents' and grandparents' homes. Those exchanges increased in frequency as the troubled boy grew older and more out-of-control.

"I didn't want him living here," admits his stepmother Jayne Bickham, who lives with his father Andy Bickham in Muskegon Township. "Chad" was always getting into trouble -- frequently being kicked out of school, fighting with other family members -- and was often drunk and high, she said.

Underage drinking

Muskegon County

From the 2004-05 Muskegon County Youth Risk Behavior Survey of 5,870 eighth-, 10th- and 12th-graders:

• 18 percent had a binge drinking episode (five or more drinks within a couple of hours) within the past month. (31 percent of 12th-graders).

• 30 percent had ridden in a car within the past month that was driven by someone who had been drinking (31 percent of 12th-graders).

• 10 percent had driven a car within the past month after drinking (18 percent of 12th-graders).

&mdash Source: Muskegon County Health Department

Nationally

• Although drinking by peoplee younger than 21 is illegal, people aged 12 to 20 drink almost 20 percent of all alcohol consumed in the United States.

• More than 90 percent of this alcohol is consumed in the form of binge drinking.

• In 2004, there were more than 142,000 emergency room visits by those aged 12-20 for injuries and other conditions linked to alcohol.

&mdash Source: Department of Health and Human Services Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

The problems grew worse when Neiger-Bickham permanently relocated to Muskegon Township from Jacksonville, N.C., two years ago.

Neiger-Bickham repeatedly rebuffed his family's efforts to get him counseling and into a rehab program, his parents said.

Despite the love he has for his son, Andy Bickham admits the family had become exhausted. Shortly before the accident, Neiger-Bickham was kicked out of the family home because his parents felt their son was "out of control."

Andy Bickham describes his son as having a "Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde-like" personality.

"He's a good kid, he cares about people," said Andy Bickham. "But he also has a dark side."

The dark side

"I have some rage," Neiger-Bickham said during a phone interview last week. "I'd get upset sometimes when I couldn't get money for my drugs. But other than that I'm a pretty nice kid. I'm helpful.

"I don't know. Most of my teenage life was spent on drugs."

A quiet kid, Neiger-Bickham often hung out with younger teenagers. He was looked up to. They thought he was "cool." He could buy booze.

Neiger-Bickham, step-brother Huq, Pham and Ripley, classmates at Reeths-Puffer High School, were inseparable. They played video games, listened to music, watched TV together and did all the other fun things teenagers do.

Everything they did revolved around "the use of drugs, getting high and getting drunk," said Neiger-Bickham. "I can't not think of a time when drugs weren't involved. We were best of friends.

"It's sad to say ... we were always high."

Hard time

Prison is sobering, says Neiger-Bickham.

The rigid schedule. The lack of freedom. The absence of drugs and alcohol.

"Now that I'm sober, things seem a lot clearer now," said Neiger-Bickham. "I've been able to remember things now."

For the first time in many years, he can remember the things that made him angry. He can feel the hurt that's been quietly gnawing away at him most of his life.

"I didn't have to deal with my problems" when high or drunk, admits Neiger-Bickham. "It took away lots of the feelings I didn't want to deal with. The depression. A lot of things."

He recently began working on his GED diploma. When he earns the privilege, the teenager says he'd like to participate in alcohol and drug rehab programs offered at the prison.

Neiger-Bickham vows that when he gets out of prison he's going to stay sober and spend his life talking to youths about the dangers of underage drinking.

"I lost my brother and two good friends -- I'm not going to make it so they died for no good reason," Neiger-Bickham says. "I'm not going to let that happen."

When pressed about the issue, he admits that it probably won't be as easy as it sounds while he's in prison. He still needs to deal with the pain and rage inside.

He still needs to find peace from the nightmares that haunt his sleep.

What would you say to Shawn, Aaron and Terry if you could see them one more time, Neiger-Bickham is asked.