Hello this is a very nice story. Hope that the pairings remain the same as you have mentioned in the story seeing as i am a harmony and red moon shipper. You make Elizabeths feelings so real its great I really love your story please do update as soon as possilble take care

Author's Response: Thanks... the pairing will definatly remain the same, I'm a harmony shipper too! I'm not sure what red moon is though... ? I'm glad you like how I write... I'll update as soon as possible. The next chapter's called "I Was Completely Alone -- "Elizabeth?"".

good job!!! I was thrilled to see an update from this wonderful fan fic. Honestly, I think you're fine using Elizabeth Moon as an OC. Anyone could've thought of the last name Moon and I actually didn't know Moon was a Hogwarts student. Guess I learned something new about my fave book series! Anyway, I love the ghost Edgar Clogg! He makes me laugh!
Loved this chapter and I desperately want to see David and Elizabeth together! (that's just my personal opinion) anyway, loved the game to remember everyone's names. Very creative.

Author's Response: Thank-you so much! I had no clue moon was in HP.... how ironic :P. I like Edgar too.. he's cool and fun to write. David and Elizabeth get soem time together in the 9th chapt. I think...

I'm not exactly sure what to say. This isn't my type of story, but here it goes.

First I must appologize for how long it's taken me to actually start reviewing your story.

First I feel having everything and everyone hating your character is a bit cliche. I can understand the bulling and what-not, but she should have one thing perhaps a plant or another animal. Also I would think a Ravenclaw bully would stick to verbal abuse or magic over physical means. It would seem more in place for them to do so.

Ok, issues: I don't think David would know that the Dark Lord had killed his aunt. At this point (book 4), he doesn't have a body and is acting secretly. Soo, he wouldn't be out killing people). You might need to tweak that.

Second, I liked how you showed the inner workings of your bully group. Elizabeth realizing how they work was cool, but again, I think you might be overhyping this a bit. I can understand if you're basing this upon other experiences, because obviously that can make it seem more signifigant, but in the magical world, I just feel like since Elizabeth is so smart, she'd find some jinx or curse that'd put an end to this.

Overall, a good story!

Author's Response: Thank-you. I'll change his aunt to murdered, but being David, he might know.. or not, but he wouldn't tell Elizabeth. I'm not basing this on anything, so I'll cut the bullying back a little.

Interesting reaction to the curse there. I liked the back history of david's sister, and agree that stopping the bullying is not that big a deal once you decide to do it.

I also liked that Moody ran out of potion in the midst of class and just took off. An issue, though is that you were talking about Gryffindores in the room sitting up front, but they aren't there, because Hannah Abbot isn't obviously with them. So maybe fix that. Also, some minor grammar stuff here as well, so check that too! Nice chapter!

Author's Response: Yay, thanks! I'll change the Gyffindor thing, add in people like Semus and Harry and people... opps. I'll try to find the grammer mistakes... I'm really sorry about the mistakes.

I'm telling you, this girl is crusing for a bruising... Nice chapter, but again, I think that the bully theme might be a little too played out. I think that now that she has a friend, she needs to start standing up for herself!

Logic police here... Cedric is the seeker this year, first off, and secondly, there is no quiddich in the 4th year. Dumbledore announced that at the opening feast. I just realized that now. So maybe you need to go back and change this so its like a practice group or something, because it doesn't make sense now... Also, there are some typos, and you didn't tell us about her friend's results, or even hint at them! I'd like to see those things maybe done so the story has a better flow...

Author's Response: Orinally, I was going to change the Quidditch part a little, but I really like your idea of a practise group. I might work that in somehow, but there'd be a problem for Ravenclaws, because they're highly unlikely to do soemthing like this extra, and detract form their studies. I'll mention David too. Ugh, it seems like every time I want to get a new chapter in, I want to change the chapter's before. :P

Wow, I really just want Elizabeth to snap and curse the hell out of one of these girls... Ok, one issue here. I think that Luna Lovegood would totally be a good friend for Elizabeth. I know she is a year younger, but she's not judgemental at all, and wouldn't pick on her. I think thats a bit of a plot hole there, so maybe introduce her too! P.S. Quiddich will either be a complete disaster or else she's amazing and suddenly becomes popular!

Author's Response: She will snap sometime.. I've gotta start looking for curses :P. You're completely right about Luna, she sounds like a perfect friend :D good idea. As for the Ravenclaw team/Quidditch, I put it in becuase it's one way to get her out of her little hole in society. I think it'll eventually get her to the somewhat-popular side, kind of where Ron is, with the help of soem other things.

This was a very good question. Elizabeth seems to have some sort of anxiety issue. I personally don't get why she is being abused, as I can't say that I picture people quite like that existing in Ravenclaw. Also, you maybe need to explain why Rachel left. Oh, and also I was wondering about Elizabeth's parent's deaths? Is she supposed to be a foil of Harry? By the way, I just used the term foil in a fan fiction review... must seek help...

Author's Response: Wow, foil :P, I actually had to look that up :P. She's not 'posed to be exactly like Harry though... I hope she doesnt sound too much like that. Her parents died from a falling gargoyle, caused by drunken Death Eaters, and Rachel left because her parents got a divorce and she moved with her mother to the US. There's a reason why she's being abused, but it's kinda a big part of the sotry (otherwiseI'd tell you)... for now it's because they just don't like her. And then later.... :D. I had to make them in Ravenclaw though... because I absolutly can't stand it when people get thier charactors to sleep in another houses' rooms' or just hang out in thier best friends common room. It bothers me, a lot. But later I might clear it up why people so evil got in Ravenclaw.

Ok, good start. Is this girl actually invisible, or is that not important yet. Also, a few typos (spacing, things like that). Also, at one point you said on the train that a rumor was spread that Moon was responsible for Ravenclaw losing. Losing at what?! Need info!!

Good start

Author's Response: She isn't invivible, I should clear that up after the queue is open again. And the spacing. On the train, they told everyone that she had made the Ravenclaw house loose the House Cup... Sorry.

Hey! :) Okay I liked this beginning since it's a little different; usually the OCs that I read are beautiful and popular and everything, so it's nice that Elizabeth is a little off-beat. I thought it was just a little odd how she is describing her life and interjects Harry in every paragraph - I think it could have been explained better that she had a crush on him, or will have something to do with him in the future, or whatnot.

I saw a bunch of grammar mistakes and I think a little proofreading would definitely improve the flow.

"A girl, a magical witch, unnoticed growing up in a school centered around Harry Potter." (I like this beginning except that the phrase "magical witch" is a little redundant, sort of like "baby puppy" because if it's a puppy you know it's a baby, and if she's a witch then you know she's got magic.)

Lots of run-on sentences that are too long. Something that helps me is you actually read this story aloud to yourself - if you run out of breath, your sentences are too long. Make them short and sweet. For example:

"I'm in my fourth year at Hogwarts, I'm in Ravenclaw, I do well in school, my grades are almost perfect, but that's because there's not much else I can do. I share a room with my worst enemies, the bullies that make my life horrible, friendless and invisible."

It would flow much better if you condensed it into smaller pieces like: "I'm a fourth-year Ravenclaw at Hogwarts and my grades are always perfect, but that's because there isn't much else I can do."

Also here:

"First year, when my name, Elizabeth Moon, was called to get sorted by the Sorting Hat, everyone was still cheering on about how Harry had come to Hogwarts, so no one except me heard my name, no one noticed me take my seat either."

It's one gigantic long sentence and it could do with breaking down too. How about: "In first year when the Sorting Hat called my name, everyone was still cheering about how Harry Potter had come to Hogwarts. No one heard "Elizabeth Moon" but me, and no one noticed me take my seat either."

So it's grammar problems like that. I might consider getting a beta on the forums, they're generally great about proofreading and taking care of the boring stuff so you can just concentrate on writing. :) Anyway this was a nice beginning and I hope I helped you! Good luck with the rest. :)

Author's Response: Wow, thank-you for your help! I do tend to write run-on sentances... I didn't know I had that many in my first chapter... (probably in otehrs too... people get so mad at me in school and places for my six-line sentances.. :P).

Hey,
W.O.W, haha! This is excellent, I love the storyline! I can't wait to see what happens next, any idea when the next chapter will be readable?

I just think i should add that maybe there could be some more mentions of Harry Potter in there, just because its sort of based on his story, you know? And i just think i should say that Cho and Cedric weren't going out before the Yule ball, but i like how you worked that in. And sorry last thing i want to add is you said in the second chapter that David had blue eyes and in the seventh they were green.

But, yeh, that's about it - i loved everything else! Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Yay! Thank-you! David's eyes changed?? Uh-oh.. :P opps. The next chapter will probably be up in a week. I'll try to add in scenes with Harry and them, kinda forgot about HP :P.

im the best? why thank you. anyways you better dedicate a chapter to me or something for all this reviewing. btw, you know who this is rite? cause that would be really embarassing... PM me!
-alexia

Author's Response: How on earth do you PM?? (I know who you are!) Fine, i'll dedicate a chapter to you, (the next one... or the one where everyone dies :P just joking, no one.. well, not a lot of people are going to die). Cam says i write good death scenes... :P

how do u check reads? any ways, just re-reading, 3 thumbs up. oh another question, i made my own banner, but i couldn't load it. could you help me??? plz??? cause im a good person?? okay im not, but could you help anyway? 10/10
-alexia

Author's Response: You just look at the manage stories thing, and then there's a reads column beside options and chapter status.

And i think for banners... do you have it on a web-page thingy?? cuz i think it has to be on the web somewhere...

It is okay. Most of the story, I've been asking myself where is this going. It is nothing to worry about, but I think you need to find a theme for your story, or an aim. Please do not take this personally, it is to only help you improve. The best of luck!

Painfullygone

Author's Response: Thanks! Ok, theme/aim. I think about that... see, I sometimes tend the ramble on and on with no point.. *blushes*. I'll try to work on that.