This weekend in St. Louis was a drunken-Catholic-good time for this Protestant girl, but I am on people overload. I am cranky, I seriously feel like shutting my office door, unplugging my phone, and taking a delicious little nap. But I don’t have the cojones.

Lots of cousins, lots of aunts, and lots of bridesmaids dressed in pink. The Dad and I hit the riverboat casinos and lost $50 in less than five minutes. That about covers the wedding. Some cousins were fun to see, one cousin in particular I almost pushed out a plate glass window. Also,m poop jokes. My family loves poop jokes.

Refer to line #1 of this post.

(PS The Groom (my cousin) married a woman who was one of 14 children. All of whom are partiers. I’ll leave the reception to your imagination.)

“After all we’ve been through, what’s another year or two?”

My best friend is expecting a baby. I cried when she told me. I cry at a lot of things, though. More ironic was the fact that she told me this as I was:

A) sitting in my basement drinking shitty cheap beerB) wearing makeup from the night before and a teeshirt that read “I Love Rich Men” C) playing with my 21 Jump Street Trading CardsD) Trying to decide just how immoral it is to consider selling my body to pay off my VISA. E) All of the above.

As you can see, I can barely take care of myself, and she’ll be responsible for another human being.

I am going to be an aunt! I will always have gum. I am still in shock.

(The baby has been dubbed several nicknames in a few short days: Baby Grendel, Omar and Blinkin.)

Cherish The Thought

Things I got that you don’t:

Madonna tickets. I can’t help it, she’s a damn good businesswoman. You have to admire her savviness. I don’t dig the tunes, man, but she’s a savage.

Once upon a time, I promised you rage. I wish I had more. I would say three or four years ago, I was the Eternal Bitch of All Time. When I was in high school, I hated everything and everyone and hid it all. God knows if you’re going to be like that, at least let it all out. It would have made my life easier just to accept the fact and embrace my Bitchiness instead of trying to be chipper in front of people and a little backstabbing gossip behind the scenes. Whatever.

Anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments. There are lots of things I think are lame. Lots. I could fill a gaddamn book. But I’ve mellowed a tad in my old age, methinks. It’s just not worth the energy anymore. I’m trying to lean more towards sassy and less towards evil.

I still think Rude Buddha sucks though. No matter how cool you guys thought you were in high school, I don’t like your music. But you have no effect on my I won’t apologize for that. I also won’t apologize for: making general snide comments about Greek life and sorority sisters, for putting fake boogers all over my old roommates phone, for telling the same old roommate I would beat her in her sleep, for lying about things that don’t hurt anyone but myself, for putting my parents through hell, for not returning phone calls, for thinking abortion is a damn good idea and oil drilling is a damn bad one, for thinking MTV’s Jackass is amusing, for breaking up certain friendships cause they were bringing me down, for liking sex and alcohol and curse words, for gossiping about child brides I once knew, for dying my hair that terrible shade of platinum, for owning a pair of black party pants, and for talking general smack.

hell, i’m pratically an effing KA sweetheart, and i can wear the letters of my brothers’ , so i think i’m going to alter some shirts for the fun of it… but greek letter shirts can’t beat shirts that say “Im So Fucking Happy” or “I Love Rich Men.”

Those are my favorite teeshirts.

don’t make shit of diff to me, its all still funny….yours in greekiness,
e.