Wednesday, November 2, 2011

NEED ADVICE? I NEED YOUR HELP!

Having trouble under the sheets? Cock got you confused? Have a burning question only a seasoned sex veteran can answer? Look no further. I NEED YOU. And your questions. I was recently asked by the folks at NewNowNext to put together a small sex advice column: Dear Abby meets Dear Debbie(DoesDallas) . . . only gayer. Or not so gay as the case may be-- I'm very empathetic. If you have a question only Colby can answer send your name, location and query to bigshoediaries@gmail.com.

Yes, I NEED and WANT you . . . to embarrass me with dirty, dirty questions. No question is too particular or intimate or controversial. Just ask.

I tried to send this to your email, which didn't work. I was wondering if you could answer my question:

How do you deal with an uber-curved cock?

Its like this: I'm not new on the block to boys but I haven't been around as much as many (I came out kind of late). So a while back, there is this TOTALLY FUCKING HOT BRAZILIAN guy I meet at a bar (The Eagle NYC!) and we start going at it like animals less than five minutes after "hello". Now I'm a pretty okay looking guy, can definitely get a worthwhile piece of ass when I want it but this guy was HOT, like hot-HOT, so beyond what I can usually score its ridiculous. I can't believe my good luck and as an added bonus, we are totally on the same piggy/romantic level. We get back to his apartment and its spit, sweat, slapping, grunting, and filthy talk for days and then sudden tenderness and soft kisses and telling me how soft my beard is and then wham bang back to the passion and the filth! It was fawking perfectly syncopated heaven!

So eventually I go down on him and I just can't get a bead on how to attack his average-large cock. It's super-curved and when I go to devour it, I'm met with...difficulty. How do I deep throat this fucking thing? My gag reflex, which I worked oh so hard to get rid of, is coming back with a vengeance and I feel like my uvula and the roof of my mouth is getting chafed. I try to do just half, with a little swirl-jerk motion with my hand on the lower shaft into his balls...but he's not into that and pushes my head down on it to face fuck me...which is usually just so much fun, but sort of uncomfortable this time. Worse still, I can tell he's not into the head I'm giving him. Fail.

Moving on to fucking, he's a total power top. I'm versatile and like to flip-flop, but good times are good times. Not really. His cock just doesn't feel good. It's like large pockets of air being violently shoved up my ass. If he wanted to just tear it up for some time, that would be great, but he's a power fucker...he wants to take my ass all night, for hours. I play for as long as I can, but eventually he grabs for my cock and seems a little disappointed that its not hard. We go out on one date, try one more time, doesn't work...never heard from him again.

So as someone who has had to deal with all different kinds of cocks in the industry and maybe a few outside it as well, I was wondering: How do you deal with a cock that's uncomfortable or super-curved? Is there hope for couples who meet and have a bad first night of sex? I'd like to think there is, since sex isn't everything, right? Just wanna be prepared for the next one.