The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.
—Alexander Jablokov

Monday, June 20, 2011

PITA

Sorry I've been away----I took some time off to wrap up the end of the school year and to psych myself up for some oral surgery I was dreading. It turned out to be practically a breeze---the only painkiller I needed to take afterwards was the low-dose aspirin I take every night for my heart. Then a couple of days later I hurt myself. Badly.

Remember that old song we learned as kids---"Dem Bones"?

"With the hip bone connectedto the back bone,and the back bone connectedto the neck bone,and the neck bone connectedto the head bone...blah blah blah"

It's a lie. A big fat lie.

Every single part of your body is connected to one thing. Your ass bone.

I mean it. And I know this for a fact, because yes, I hurt my ass.

Not going to get into the nitty gritty of what and how, but for the record, no, it wasn't hemorrhoids, and no, I didn't fall while hanging curtains nekkid and land on a potato that just HAPPENED to be sitting there (the excuse some guy told an ER when they had to pry a potato out of his rectum---no kidding!). If you were thinking that, well shame on you!

That said, when you hurt your heinie it is excruciating to:

Bend overSit downLay downGet upSit for any length of timeStand stillWalkTake the stairsSneezeCoughFartUse the facilitiesReach behind you to scratch your backReach your hands up to brush your hair on the back of your head

The only time it DOESN'T hurt is when I'm laying in a hot bathtub of water with my knees up to take the pressure off that area (every part of my body is all pruny from doing that 6-8 times a day---except for my knees, that is), or when I'm laying in bed in ONE position with a heating pad.

But then again, it hurts like the dickens to get in and out of the tub and bed, so it almost makes it not worth it. Almost.

Extra-strength Advil wasn't cutting the pain even slightly, so a couple of days ago I broke down and accepted some Vicodin hubby had left over from when he got his wisdom teeth out last year.

Ahhhh, a tiny bit of relief! I don't like walking into walls, though.

So I'm going to take a few more days off to let this pain in my ass heal. Then Big Kid will take over from there. LOL

I'm really, really, really sorry you broke your ass because of my stupid potato. I was playing Mr. Potato Head with him, and when I put his feet on he ran away. I looked all over for him, but I gave up and figured I'd find him when he really started to smell rotten. Unfortunately, you found him first with your butt.

I know you hurt really bad, so get well soon. The living room window looks like crap with the drapes half up, half down, and all crooked. I'm afraid the neighbors will start to think you drink.

If you ever let me out of this closet I PROMISE not to leave my toys lying around.