Ugh..I sympathize with your struggle. It's understandable that you want to stick up for your daughter and protect her, but it's not always easy to confront people about situations like these. But, I think, first and foremost, your daughter is your priority, and only you know how detrimental this situation could, or could not, be to her. However, in the long run, it's probaby better to play it safe. I'd also suggest talking your concerns over with your daughter if you haven't already-might be a good learning opportunity as she begins to make and choose friends in the future. One last thought, I've heard of a book called Standing Up for Your Child Without Stepping on Toes by Vicki Caruana ((http://bit.ly/IMDwZ6) that I think addresses situations like these. Maybe it will help you in determining how to talk this issueover with this girl's mother? Well, good luck!

DIETER27
Posts:
8,675
4/23/12 2:05 P

If she is demeaning your daughter simply don't let your daughter play with her. It is entirely up to you to decide this.

Interesting thing happened yesterday. My daughter was outside playing with her brother and other neighborhood kids when our other neighbors daughter got mouthy with her mom. It was the first time I've heard her discipline her child in front of me... I'm not letting her play inside their house anymore or mine. If they want to play outside with the other kids I'm fine with that. Her family is moving in the next month or two anyway, so I'm not to worried about it. I doubt we will ever run into them again. Like I mentioned, I'm friends with the mom but not good enough to keep up a long term relationship.

If you are struggling with what to do now with your 4 year old daughter, you are in for a rude awakening when she hits her teens sweetie. This is about the most important time for you to let her know that you are in charge and you are there to protect her. PERIOD

We had a new neighbor move in that had a daughter our daughter's age(around 4-5 years old). We went over to visit them once we got to know them better(and they are very good people). So we were in the livingroom with the parents and the kids went off to the bedroom to play. Pretty soon I noticed it being way too quiet(big red flag with kids). So I went in to see what the kids were up to and they were no where to be found. As we all frantically looked around for our kids, we found they had went outside and across a busy street. First off, in OUR house, our kids could not get out our child protected doors, secondly, they would never even have the idea it was OK to go outside without us. So these parents said she does that all the time. (red flag). Needless to say, that was the last time we let them play together outside of OUR view. We never trusted them to watch them so our daughter NEVER went over there. Even when we once in awhile let their daughter play with ours, it was for a short period and right under out protective noses. Even then things went on that we did not appreciate. Similar to what you are saying about your daughter's friend being mean to your daughter.

That was 16 years ago. Since then, their daughter got kicked out of a couple schools, got pregnant at 16, and is now back in their house still being raised by grandma and grandpa. I made the decision THEN to not let my daughter hang out with a child that was out of control and the parents allowed to do things beyond her age. The other neighbor girls and boys that played with this girl also ended up kicked out of schools and pregnant or in trouble. Bad kids will ruin a good kid, don't let it happen to yours. God bless and keep the faith.

If you believe in your gut that your daughter may be getting "verbally" abused, my suggestion is to sit down with your daughter and just ask her some simple questions about what she does at her friends house, what does HER mom do while she is there, Stuff like that and just see what your daughters reaction is. If she seems timid, scared to talk, or avoids all questions..Then please keep her away from there. Explain to your daughter that she can make other friends and someday she can be friends with her neighbor just not right now. I hope this helps a little. My son went through this and he has moved on, Because something bad did happen. Please don't let that happen to you.

Thanks for your "blunt" honesty. lol.... Yah, I know what I need to do but I'm a nonconfrentational person too. But I gotta stick to my guns. She has played with my daughter for almost a year now and I've never done anything because her mom and I are good friends. But this last stunt just put me over the edge. I also have a tendancy for over-reacting too because I suffered a stroke a couple years ago and I've heard it's common to get worked up easily over nothing. lol.

LUANN_IN_PA
Posts:
24,701
4/17/12 12:50 P

C'mon... you say you want to PROTECT your daughter from someone who demeans her... and you don't know what to say? Tell her the truth.

So I have a neighbor who has a daughter about the same age as my daughter. They play all the time together. Lately when she asks me a question, if she doesn't like my answer she runs to her mom and her mom will give her the opposite answer. Last night she did it twice and I finally went up to her in front of her mom and told her " I'm tired of every time I tell you something and you don't like my answer you run off to your mom because you don't like my answer!" All her mom said was " I think it's time for you to go home. They didn't leave, so we went home. Her mom does not disciple her and lets her do whatever she wants. I don't like her and she is demeaning toward my daughter. She constantly tells my daughter she can't do stuff cause she's not old enough and she's only a year older then my daughter. Not to brag but my daughter is a lot smarter then she is. If my daughter was disrespectful toward another adult and didn't do what they asked, she would be in trouble. I don't know what to do because I can't stand her but I don't want to punish my daughter and her "friendship." I don't want my daughter to think it's okay to ask another adult for something when she doesn't get the answer she doesn't like too! My husband says it's not our business what happens in their house but I disagree! I need to protect my daughter.....

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