Category : craft knowledge

As a response to the Department of Defense’s (DoD) recent push for the development of new “soft power” doctrine, CARPA has launched its Strategic Lifestyle Urban Reconnaissance and Power Projection (SLURPP) initiative, which will be employed across the armed forces in the coming years.

The current CARPA operation in Portland, Operation Pulled Pork, taps directly into the creative lifestyle and craft scene of Portland in order to speed up the development of soft power lifestyle weapons, advance the DoD’s cultural offensives deeper into the crafts arena.

Please join us at MoCC in Portland, meet directors and field agents, and engage in training and new forms of soft power projection to celebrate the deepest values of our Proud Nation under Crafty Hands of God.

It has long been known craft supports learning and a healthy life. Craft is also a great tool for empowerment, making people feel they have agency, even when they have no money, influence or power. As long studied by the DoD and CARPA, this makes arts and craft excellent tools to support the values of the Free West and the Freedom of the Market. The next CARPA offensive is now launching, spreading the values of the US and its allies through the network of peripheral nerves which connects neurons in the brain and spinal cord to organs, skin, and muscles, regulating a host of biological functions from digestion to sensation to locomotion to handicraft. Using the synaptic plasticity of the brain, the task is to harness the central nervous system of crafters for ingraining the values of our Freedom.

With the recent initiative on Tacit Neuroplasticity Training (TNT), CARPA will pursue the development of a series of special craft technologies to enhance learning of a wide range of cognitive skills, and modulate these towards producing small crocheted objects and “indy crafts”, ready to be sold at craft fairs and platforms such as Etsy. “Using craft and hands to shape synaptic plasticity is pivotal for learning and appreciating the core values of our American Way,” program manager Rudy K. Blanche says,”and with peripheral nerve stimulation and improved plasticity, this simply makes everyday crafters just so much nicer people.”

CARPA’s Craft Hype Taxonomy and Evaluation (CHyTE) program seeks to investigate revolutionary technologies to asses and value craft hype around hand-made Etsy products that would significantly improve their arts potential through means other than adding more crochet or folk elements.

For the past 100 years, increasing the value of craft objects has boiled down almost exclusively to a simple equation: More folk expression equals higher cultural value. The art market’s ability to penetrate bullshit, however, has advanced faster than craft’s ability to withstand scrutiny. As a result, achieving even incremental improvements in craft survivability has required significant increases in “authenticity” which has utterly crippled the craft scenes across NATO-countries and its allies. With the new Craft Hype Taxonomy and Evaluation (CHyTE) program, the aim is to increase the status of craft while cutting the crap, figuratively speaking. “For many craft hipsters,” a spokesperson at CARPA said, ”this means goodbye to Etsy as well as the Craft Councils. We’re levelling up!”

An Craft Advanced Beer Scanning Optical Microscope (CABSOM) at the Williamsburg Hops Warfare Center (WHWC) inspects integrated brew components for evidence of tampering and counterfeiting with the ingredients of local craft beers.
Advanced software and equipment to aid in the fight against counterfeit microbreweries in US craft security systems has been transitioned to military partners under CARPA’s Integrity and Reliability of Integrated Crafts (IRIC) program. Researchers with Evil Triplets Brewsters, a NATO IRIC collaborator based in Kolding, Denmark, announced today they have provided CABSOM technology to their NATO allies. This effort will join an arsenal of laboratory equipment used to ensure the integrity of craft beer microbrewing in the US and beyond. “In pursuing our mission to build breakthrough crafts for national security, we’re always on the lookout for nontraditional partners who can help us transition our research, advance US soft power within the lifestyle crafts, and fulfill critical and strategic needs,” said a CARPA agent, sipping a limited edition porter from Green Point Brewer Bastard. “In the current deteriorating global security situation, we need to enhance the securitisation of craft beer.”

Craft operations depend upon the unimpeded flow of accurate and relevant information to support timely decisions related to workmanship planning and execution. To address these needs, numerous intelligence systems and technologies have been developed over the centuries, but each of these typically provides only a partial picture of the technique of the artisan, often hiding knowledge behind the “tacit” label of crafts. The past decades of academic research in the crafts has proven that integrating the information is both burdensome and inefficient. CARPA’s new system of knowledge production, violently adversarial to Polanyi’s work, will revolutionise the field, not least all the hopeless efforts of MA-students to write their thesis.