Vegetarians Are Killing Mother Earth

From the London Telegraph: “In the past environmentalists, from Lord Stern to Sir Paul McCartney, have urged people to stop eating meat because the methane produced by cattle causes global warming. However a new study found that cattle grazed on the grasslands of China actually reduce another greenhouse gas, nitrous oxide.”

Al Gore needs to personally apologize to all cows, for blaming them and for making them feel ashamed of their gassiness. Turns out, their flatulence is not a problem (unless you drive by a herd of cows with your windows down. Phew!) because it is counteracted by their awesome grazing abilities:

From the London Telegraph: “Klaus Butterbach-Bahl, of the Karlsruhe Institute of Technology in Germany, carried out the study in Inner Mongolia in China. He found that grassland produced more nitrous oxide during the spring thaw when sheep or cattle have not been grazing. This is because the greenhouse gas, also known as laughing gas, is released by microbes in the soil. When the grass is long snow settles keeping the microbes warm and providing water, however when the grass is cut short by animals the ground freezes and the microbes die.”

Al Gore wouldn’t understand that; he only knows about grazing the Krispy Kreme counter. You know, because he’s all “husky” now and stuff. Understandable. He needs to drown his sorrows over being an irrelevant, bitter hack somehow.

Now, when will they start punitively taxing vegetarians and demonizing fast food bean sprout restaurants? I’d hold my breath, but then I’d reduce my carbon footprint and it seems I have some catching up to do. I can’t let a vegetarian beat me!