Unlike other media outlets, we'll spare you the endless orgasm puns and just come right out and say it: the Trojan condom company held a free vibrator giveaway throughout the city yesterday -- that is, until Mayor Mike Bloomberg came and pissed on the parade.

The condom conglomerate planned to giveaway 10,000 vibrators from hotdog-style pushcarts throughout Manhattan starting at about 11 a.m. at Sixth Avenue in Rockefeller Center. Other giveaways were set to begin 4 p.m. in the Flatiron District and near the South Street Seaport.

Yesterday, the Voice reported on something both terrifying and gross: drug resistant head lice. Turns out, some strains of these bugs have gotten so used to common treatments over the years that their exoskeletons have grown thicker and as a result, they're hardier and can survive all but the harshest of pesticides.

Today, we present you with something even more terrifying and gross: drug resistant pubic lice, AKA crabs.

The app determines users' location via GPS technology and then gives specific directions to venues that offer the free NYC Condoms throughout the five boroughs -- including the sites' hours and what other safe-sex products these locations offer.

The database is completely open to the public -- you don't have to login to browse the listings, and many of the recently added carriers' pics are displayed prominently on the site's front page. Users submit photos freely. There are about 1,500 listings.

From the workmanlike design and sluggish flash slideshow and bizarre comparisons between Pearl Harbor's "hostile Asian men" and STD awareness, you might get the impression that Sullivan, who also runs an online reputation-management business, operates with a tongue-in-cheek M.O.

And you'd be wrong: Sullivan is for real and his work (for better or for worse) is heartfelt, -- and he has updated his site just in time for Valentine's Day.

From the mission statement: "It is our goal that by promoting the sharing of information that we can ultimately protect you health from dangerous diseases while protecting your civil liberties and providing quality entertainment."

Nothing like going to a football game, grilling up some brats, drinking a couple brews, and having your loins thoroughly inspected for weapons and contraband. Reuters reports that starting tomorrow, all 32 NFL teams have been asked to perform enhanced pat-downs on fans at home games. For years, security officers at stadiums have issued pat-downs from the waist up, leaving everything below the belt to the imagination. The new measures will enforce the search to be performed from the ankles up.

When a male lesser water boatman performs his mating call, he rubs his penis against his abdomen and makes a sound that is an astonishing 99.2 decibels. For reference, that is about as loud as a passing subway car. This deafening penis makes the bug the loudest animal in the world for its size. Although most of the sound is lost as it travels through the water (it's an aquatic bug), researcher James Windmill says, "a person walking along the bank can actually hear these tiny creatures singing from the bottom of the river." Ah yes, James, "singing." [Wired] [nickgreene]

Marilyn Monroe's sexy subway dress, originally priced to auction at $2 million, has been sold to an anonymous bidder for $4.6 million (plus a $1 million commission), which means that your dream of wearing the original halter gown while standing above a subway grate to re-create Marilyn's famous scene in The Seven Year Itch is basically dead. It also means that for some people, the recession is most definitely over. For those of us for whom that is not the case: You can purchase any number of similarly designed yet far less expensive dresses just by shopping about the Internet for a bit, and then wear one to whatever your favorite subway grate location happens to be. Though, really, you shouldn't be standing over subway grates anyway. Not the cleanest air, there. [AnimalNY]