I'm reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and it's one of the most difficult books I've ever read. Probably because the truths in the book about shame pull me into a glaring spotlight. I find it difficult to be vulnerable. I don't want the world to think I'm "weak". Everything I do must be perfect, therefore, I struggle to start or try new things. It's something I've been working on for a long time now and I've made some progress, but the underlying internal shaming exists. And so, I will continue to read bits at a time, digesting, thinking, and trying to move past the feelings I have while reading her words. Because, damn it, she has a way of writing that brings all the shitty feelings up.

At 2:30am this morning, my brain started writing while I was struggling to fall back asleep. I almost got up to write it down and then remembered that it would only make my day worse in the long run. I forced myself to stay in bed, finally falling asleep at 3:30a.

I'm f*cking tired.

I'm not nearly as coherent at 5:00pm as I am at 2:30am as it turns out. Mostly what I want to write is a diatribe about a shitty family member. I won't bore you.

I have a question for armchair and qualified psychologists though:

When someone presents themselves as all-knowing on topics such as gratitude, faith, being a good person, etc. via online videos, yet explodes with anger on a family member over a tiny issue*, barely speaks to any family members ever, and is constantly berating his parents over their failures in raising him.....he's fucked up, right?

*I wasn't involved in said incident, I heard about it from the other person involved.