That Bush wants to sit down and have a crumpet

To be honest, I would have elected someone better. I mean, we did it: Tony Blair, he's better. Why can't they do it? He's a very sensible man, is Tony. I like him almost as much as I like EastEnders. (Did you see, that ginger bird's come back? What's her name again?)

I mean, those Americans, they're so dumb, aren't they? They get all riled up about things; it's not right. They want to sit down and have a cup of tea and think it out, they do. And they want to get the facts when they sort everything out. They don't have proper papers there; don't really understand about the outside world, poor things. Beryl told me. They don't say things right, neither.

Heard this great joke about him the other day. Something about teapots. (Oh, I could just use a cup of tea, couldn't you?) Oh no, wait, it was about cocaine. Right; what's the difference between George W. Bush and Linda Bush?

They both like a little dope!

Ha ha! Oh no, wait, that's not a difference, it's a similarity. Wait, wait, I did it wrong. What's the similarity between George W. Bush and Linda Bush?

Oh, never mind. He's dead funny though, isn't he, the stupid things he comes out with? Like the thing he said to the aboriginals in Australia, asking them if they still threw spears. So stupid! He just wants to think things out more, I think. Sit down and have some tea.

They threw tea into the sea, didn't they? The Americans, I mean. Dressed as Red Indians or something. Silly. They should have kept it, brought it home. That never would have happened if it had stayed a colony. Everything would have been alright. They'd be under Tony Blair now, instead of Bush. They'd be doing things completely differently.

He's just a big joke, really. What was that thing about the world? You know, green things? Some agreement in Japan. Kojo or something. Kyoto! I read in The Mirror that he wasn't signing it any more, even though everyone else was. Something about him not thinking it was right.

What was that other one who was dumb? Dan Quayle, wasn't it? Couldn't spell potato. At least in Britain we have politicians who can spell properly. Bloody stupid, if you ask me.

And there was that thing in the news, about him saying that everyone was with him or against him when he bombs people. "There can be no neutrality," he said. I mean, that's stupid in itself, isn't it? What about Switzerland? Where's everyone going to put their money? Stupid fool. And he's building nuclear weapons, too. Thinks it's bleeding 1984!