Is Your Crush A Jerk In Disguise?

How can you tell if your new crush is being super-shady? Seventeen's love and hookup expert, Amber Madison, has the advice you need.

Q: This guy who has a bad rep just started texting me. I told him what I had heard about him, and now he wants to take me on a date to prove that he's not a jerk. Should I go?

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A: A lot of times the impressions we have of people we don't know that well are a little (or a lot) off base. If this guy has planned out a nice date, I don't see any reason for you not to go on it and get to know him better. Maybe you'll discover that he's a pretty sweet guy! As long as you don't have any real concrete reasons to think he's a jerk, I'd say give this one a chance! Of course, if he's known for being a player or a heartbreaker, take it really slow, keep your guard up, and don't get physical too fast. If he's really not a jerk, he'll be happy to go at your pace.

Q: This guy acts like he hates me when we are around other people—but when it's just the two of us, he's super nice. And now I like him! What's going on?

A: It's not at all uncommon for a guy who likes a girl to pick on her in front of other people because he's not sure how to act. That being said, if he's doing things that are actually hurting your feelings (as opposed to playfully teasing you), you should tell him. Say: "I love being around you when it's just the two of us, but what's up with the way you treat me when we're in a group? So not cool." If he doesn't clean up his act after you've called him out, then stop hanging out with him one-on-one so that it doesn't feed your crush. You deserve to like the type of guy who has the guts to treat a girl nicely in public.

Q: This guy keeps telling me he likes me, but that he doesn't want to be my boyfriend because he's "got a lot on his mind"—and he wants to get to know me better first. Advice?

A: I actually think it's pretty mature of this guy to want to get to know you better before jumping into something! I mean, you don't want to be his girlfriend only to break up a week later, right? So just like he's taking this time to get to know you better, you should do the same, and really think about what you might want from a relationship with him. Nothing bad will happen if you two hang out and take it slow. But if it seems like he's just trying to hook up with you without a commitment, don't take the bait. Hooking up can put a lot of emotions on the table, so it's not something you want to do with a guy who's unsure of his feelings. Remember, hooking up is not going to make a guy who doesn't like you fall for you, it's not going to keep a guy around forever, and it's not going to make one decide that he wants to be your boyfriend. The real way to catch him? Let him get to know what a fun, intelligent, and interesting girl you are.