Glenn Beck, minion of the great conspiracy

Glenn Beck has revealed himself, finally, as a covert agent of the communist/socialist left-Islamic-fanatic-Code Pink-Obama-fluoridation-currency-abasing-job-killing conspiracy.Â While ill-informed and unqualified naÃ¯fs like Jon Stewart and Rachel Maddow give him the cover of ridicule, Beck advances his masters’ designsÂ byÂ describing just enough of the plotters’ workings (and for credibility, sticking assiduously to facts) to conceal the key coordinating element that would allow us to defend ourselves.

What keystone is missing from Beck’s carefully crafted deception? What central coordinating power, preparing across centuries for a simultaneous world coup, has he absolutely refused to recognize or even name? Think back to the small ads with pyramids on the inside covers of comic books and Popular Mechanics, and to matchbooks before these insidious little propaganda messages were blanked out to preserve security: who was secretly recruiting members with these harmless-sounding promises of ancient wisdom?

The Rosicrucians! Alchemists (think it’s an accident that wingers are trying to put us on a gold standard?), Freemasons (the Shriners have a crescent right in their trademark, for Pete’s sake!),Â international (what more do you need to know?).Â Code Pink? It’s a code alright, but it’s code for Rosae Crucis!

Beck has never once named this central organizing fraternity of menace obviously pulling the strings, and if you think it’s an oversight, you don’t understand what an agent of disinformation is. Why has he never identified a single Rosicrucian agent? Have you even studied Beck’s hand gesture signals when he tells you to look at the chart? How many Rosicrucians are already in place in your company, or the Congress, or planning havoc at Davos,Â or blogging to each other in the cipher only they understand?

You don’t know any, right; you’re not supposed to! Do I need a blackboard to explain this? America, wake up!

What do they all have in common? They were all great individuals who made the world a better place. Do you agree?

Should I believe in conspiracy theories based on speculation and paranoia or should I look at the life of this men and conclude that it is more probable that the Rosicrucians dedicate their lives promoting freedom, liberty, science, empirical knowledge, and justice? They fought tyranny, ignorance, and superstition. Without some of these men, the United States and all it stands for would just wouldn’t be. That is a historical fact.

Now, who are those who spread this conspiracy paranoia all over the Net? What have they done to make this world a better place?

Look at the facts. The answers are right in front of your face.

If you want to find out about the Rosicrucians, just join them! They are open for new members.
There, you will study philosophy, science, history, mythology, comparative religion, and other fascinating subjects. You will meet a group of phenomenal men and women who have sworn to protect freedom of thinking, freedom of speech, democracy, and rid the world of superstition and ignorance. Give it a shot! What do you have to loose?

One more thing: Mr. Beck is not and has never been a Rosicrucian. No Rosicrucian would behave in this fashion without being expelled.

Kinetic, I rest my case. Nothing but free-thinking, troublemaking, subversives on your list (Disney is obviously an observational error). How many hours of bible study have been lost to calculus homework because of the poison Newton unleashed?
Anyway, that post is so last-news-cycle; why are you dragging up ancient history and stale facts? We should be looking forward: this weekend’s terrifying fact-free revelations will be released tomorrow, and I assure you, you won’t take the Superbowl lightly after my exclusive. I’ve got the assertions, the claims, the conjectures, the coincidences, and the failures to deny teed up for a blockbuster, you betcha.

All over America, we were sitting … small, alone and afraid … in our parents’ basements, staring at our screens in bewilderment and despair.
Finally, someone stands up … a man with the vision and courage to lay it out there for us.

Now we see, now we’re ready to commit … to write blog comments, even whole posts, even (maybe) send some money by Paypal.

Professor O’Hare, fulfill your destiny: take the next step.
Guide us … How do we join the Rosicrucians and get onto the winning team?