Open Thread for Personal Stuff

I know a lot of Man Boobz regulars have been dealing with a lot of rough stuff lately, so I’m opening this thread up to provide a (relatively) safe space to discuss them. No trolls allowed; any trolls who post here will be put on moderation and possibly banned. (Please notify me by email (my last name at well dot com) if there are inaproppriate comments; I get behind in reading comments here.)

Comments

Since this doesn’t have anything to do with anything, I’ll put it here.

Y’all remember my “boy or girl, pick one” meds psych? I had all I could do not to look at her like she’d grown a third head when she first asked if anyone’s ever suggested borderline personality disorder, and then got all dumbfounded no one had.

And THEN she “explained” it (note: I set the curve in abnormal psych to the point I got 104 on one test because my score was that much higher than the next score, I know DSM IV inside and out)…her “explaination” it affects the corpus callosum preventing the (swallow and put down beverage) left logical side and right emotional side of the brain from speaking.

Yeeeahh, that shit, from someone who teaches nursing. And her only possible logic is that my refusal to pick a gender results from an unstable self-image

*dies* yeah ok, I finally find out that holy shit, people do actually opt out of gender and androgyny is totally a thing and I don’t have to pick! And it’s like…I am not some sort of freak of nature perpetually unsure of zir gender…I have decided, gods, I opted out at like 5, just not officially. You just don’t like my choice, fine, but it sure as shit isn’t unstable!

The rest…I meet maybe two criteria, and one is contentious on par with the survey’s class question. 1) emotional instability, yeah, hi, bipolar, wtf do you expect? 2) yes, I self-injure sometimes, that that makes psychs go immediately for a personality disorder Dx is really REALLY fucked up

So it’s either that, she honestly doesn’t know the Dx, or she thinks my hatred of my father is some invoking hostility (lol, I have trolls for that, why the hell would I provoke my asshole father? He’s an actual asshole, I’m not making this shit up!)…and the trolls…fistfights is the example used. Defending your (internet) home from bigotry is not the same as starting a fight.

But hey, wait! The perfect catch-22! If I argue it just proves I am inclined to sudden extreme emotional reactions, since I barely know her and all!

At least when I gave talk-psych the SSI lawyer form and showed her their thing about disability meaning unable to work a normal 40 hour work week she agreed and said she’d get the form done. So yeah, looks like the “can maybe pull in a few hours a week” =/= disabled thing might be dead.

Of course, meds psych had another pity moment about how sad it is that a young person like me…

Fuck my life.

I have data, I will be doing data. Data doesn’t judge me, or care my age, nor decide that the symptoms of bipolar that overlap with BPD means BPD.

Dafuq? Seriously? I went from two FWB to none within a few months, told them both that I hope they’re happy but I’m feeling jealous and want to stay in touch, just not right this minute…one’s the pharmacy student I spoke with briefly yesterday, the other is about to loose this round of the poke war by default if he doesn’t respond soon. This is intense feelings of idealizing and devaluation? Huh?

*dies again* pecunium — I bcc’ed said pharmacy student on that email about this, but yeah, totally hate zir for breaking off our whatever it was… (oh, btw, @xavierfoxshandi is the aforementioned person, clearly totally hate zir huh? That’s how you’ve replied to tweets between us a couple of times?) oh wait, maybe I idealize being able to talk to zir once in a while between a silly busy grad student schedule! That’s it! I’m so thrilled to have had a chance to draw an evil schedule that I idealize it!

Yes, I am cranky. It’s partly that I fell asleep with my back against the wall and mac in my lap, and woke up that way 5 hours later. Amazingly, my achey knee seems to have appreciated it (the Mac pretty much immobilizes my legs when it’s like that, so this isn’t terribly surprisingly).

I got ethnicity done today btw. Time for the politics and religion hell portion.

1) she didn’t mention gender, it’s just all I can think of that might make her think I’m borderline
2) no, I can’t really ask for another meds psych because of the whole unstable personal relationships thing. BPD has this reputation among crazy people as being the catch all for patients they don’t like dealing with and want to write off as unmanageable. Hence how this little “look it up” is the perfect catch-22
3) no matter what her “no body’s suggested this” Dx was, unless it was beyond obvious (like, hospital now level thin and anorexia level obvious) it’s absurd to be amazed no one’s mentioned something you think someone you barely know might have
4) fuck that got long, sorry about that
5) I am having an intense love hate affair with this data! Or more specifically…ooh excel, you made that so easy *5 min later* WTF YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT, WHY’D YOU CRASH!?

Oh, I picked up the third head thing from my mother, I have no idea how it got started. But I like it, it’s like…you’re wronger than wrong.

In other news, the shop has been invaded by lawyers. By which I mean two interns are digging through paperwork for a work order, and impressed how organized it all is — my guess where it is? The filing cabinets have four drawers, labelled monthly, you box up the fourth month back as you get to that draw (e.g. I boxed up March last week). I’m guessing it’s four months back from where it belongs, since filing in the wrong month is annoyingly easy.

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that shit, LBT. I’ve never seen a psychiatrist before, but I really dread the possibility of having to deal with someone who is completely off the mark when it comes to gender identity.

We Hunted the Mammoth tracks and mocks the white male rage underlying the rise of Trump and Trumpism. This blog is NOT a safe space; given the subject matter -- misogyny and hate -- there's really no way it could be.