Val jutsu. But I'll spell it Val-jitsu, just to piss people off. It is a technique that will allow your face to become a deadly weapon.Do you wish you could run through the forest with your eyes closed? Do you ever fear you will be kidnapped and your arms and legs bound? Val-jitsu is the discipline for you.

Frequently Asked QuestionsQ: I have false teeth. Can I still compete?A: False teeth made of something other than enamel or wood will be disqualified. Those with braces must wait until the braces are removed to compete.

Q: Aren't high cheekbones an unfair advantage?A: No. Proper use of Val-jitsu will allow you to defeat any opponent, no matter how pointy his/her face may be.

For your own purposes, sure. But that defeats the purpose of the Val-jitsu training, and thus is banned from competition. If we had laser eyes, we wouldn't have to train our faces to be lethal weapons.

Have you seen the latest ep of South Park? I think it aired a couple of nights ago in your crazy country, but I downloaded it. I'm not exactly *recommending* the ep to you, because it's only so-so. But it made me think of you. (Um... not that you're so-so or anything).