12.27.2015

In the song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” is the Santa Claus that the mommy is kissing really the daddy dressed up like Santa or is it actually the real Santa and the mommy is being naughty and violating the sacred bond of marriage? -- Stephanie from New Orleans, Louisiana

Dear Stephanie:

Yeah I used to think it was the father dressed up like Santa, then I thought about it a little more. What would be the purpose of the father dressing up like Santa? You’d think if a dad is dressing up like Santa Claus on Christmas Eve it would primarily be for the child’s benefit. The dad should want the child to see him dressed up like Santa. However in the song, the child sneaks downstairs when everyone thinks he’s sleeping only to find his mother making out with Santa. If it was the father, he had no intention of the child seeing him as Santa. That’s a little suspicious. Either the mother and father have some kind of weird erotic Santa role playing thing going on or she was kissing the actual Santa Claus or worse yet, some other guy dressed up like Santa Claus, possibly a neighbor. And the kid says he saw the mother “tickling” Santa, but since adults don’t really “tickle” each other one has to assume a dirtier action was going on that this child misinterpreted as tickling the same way a child might misinterpret two people engaged in intercourse as “wrestling.” The key here is if Santa was the father and the two were just doing some kinky stuff then they should have been in their room with the door locked. Responsible parents would keep their bizarre lovemaking behind closed doors. The fact that they didn’t leads me to believe it’s more than likely this woman was cheating on her husband with good ol’ St. Nick.

If the father wasn't fat then that's a sign something weird was going on. No child would see a normal sized man in a Santa costume and call that Santa.