Friday, November 25, 2016

BUNS OF REAL

learned:

* i'm so tired...

* OMFG! it works! i don't have to somehow attach my desktop keyboard to my ipad mini with an adapter that doesn't exist! for the first time in my writing career, i did a complete chapter of my Wednesday ongoing cycle story COMPLETELY on my ipad mini using that demonic mini keyboard. and i had to switch to HTML and add those weird bold quotation marks ON EACH FUCKING LINE I WROTE instead of simply pressing RETURN or the thing would have been one big long indeceipherable block of messy unspaced words, dots, and jumbled thoughts. it was in a word: fucking hell. i was contemplating life this way from now on. was this finally the end of my career? was i finally forced free to go to the monastery as i sort of but not really want to do? would i have to scrunch my fingers into a ball every time i typed and develop early-onset arthritis at age *whatever my age is*? AND instead of simply choosing a pic from the internet and inserting i had to do the whole COPY + PASTE thing on the ipad. AND do a strange thing with my video attachments whereas before it was just ADD and PUSH. i'm freaking out over here. it makes me appreciate what i had. the easy spacious keyboard where i could pat my shirtless belly and stretch out my legs and wave after each keystroke. i could breathe the wind as i wrote longwinded paragraphs that made no sense. i couldn't do that anymore, i had to keep the chapters short and precise, which isn't my forte. too difficult otherwise. i need to be able to type as much shit as my insane brain can spew out or this experiment is a failure and i go back to being just another failure-to-launch.

* it's a Christmas miracle! i do believe in Santa Claus! and i'm not even from Virginia!

* Burger King, go back to that old hamburger logo. change is bad. i say unto you, future generations, resist change at every turn---Americans 1:11 (we Americans are the new Romans)

* gray background: symbolic of Andy's gray heart. and his gray hair which he bleached. it's always symbolic of something with these artists.

* the ketchup bottle is jealous of the soup can.

* right, Andy? Burger King doesn't slather each side of the meat with ketchup like McDonald's. why, Burger King, why?

* though i don't dip like that. no, Andy, don't double dip!

* they're not so much napkins as coarse, thin, irritating paper products.

* Andy: it's hard to eat when you're staring at me like that.

* Andy: check out this innovative cow-in-a-blanket move i just invented.

* never wipe your mouth, Andy, always keep your mouth dirty.

* aw, dude, you're not even gonna finish it? starving children in Africa.

* why do we as a species crumple our bags into circles? why don't we leave them as rectangles?

* Andy: this is my bullfrog impression.

* Andy: my name is Andy Warhol and i just got done eating a Basquiat Burger. you'll get that reference later.

* Andy: my name is Andy Warhol and my favorite show is Venture Bros. you'll see.

* Andy: my name is not Andy Warhol. my name is Kanye. President Kanye.

* Burger, New York. actually Burger, Germany. Despite its name there is no Ham in a Hamburger. Hamburger is the name of the Place it came from. Took me Forever to get Comfortable with that Fact.

* now wasn't that a better meal than a Thanksgiving feast with family and friends?

NUMBERS CONTINUE FOREVER...

I AM YOU

a straight, single man struggling each and every second with debilitating, crippling depression. for all intents and purposes a shut-in trying to glean meaning in such a state, a wordsmith who squanders his gifts on messageboards and chat rooms. please be my friend. please? email me anytime, anywhere, about anything............................................i'm always available...