Abby 1/4/13

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I run a restaurant in a small town. Recently, my wife came home on my day off and told me that during the lunch hour, one of our servers had come into the kitchen and announced that they'd need extra sanitizer on table 29 because a mother was changing her baby on it!

What has happened in our society that people don't understand that this is unsanitary and rude? Had I been there, I don't know that I could have kept a civil tongue, and I feel like people today regard my disgust as unreasonable. Is there something I'm missing here?-- CAFE CRAZY

DEAR "CRAZY": I don't know who you have been talking to, but your disgust is not "unreasonable." What that mother was missing was common sense and courtesy for those around her. I agree that changing a baby on a restaurant table was out of the ballpark -- particularly if a changing table was available in the women's restroom of your cafe.(I'm assuming there is one, but if there isn't, the situation should be immediately rectified.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Gene," and I were married for five years until our divorce six months ago. We still live together and are dating each other. We had so many issues, I felt there needed to be a fresh start, including filing for divorce and living apart.

Now that we have started over, moved away from our hometown and gotten rid of several "friends," our issues are gone and we're financially stable. In fact, our relationship is better than ever.

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Since things are now worked out, I'd like us to get remarried. I told him before our divorce that I hoped we could resolve things and marry again. Now he's not sure, because he says if we got divorced again, he couldn't bear the hurt. He says he still doesn't understand why our "fresh start" included a divorce.

Abby, we love each other. We want to be together forever and have children. I don't want to be dating my ex-husband indefinitely. Do you have advice for us?-- GOING NOWHERE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR GOING NOWHERE: I sure do. In the interest of solidifying your fresh start, you and Gene should sign up for some premarital counseling. If you do, you may be able to help him understand why you felt the way you did. With counseling, you can sure that your problems are fully resolved, and it may reassure him that this time there won't be another divorce. If you are thinking about a religious ceremony, the officiant may even require it.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and mother went to a movie recently. My sister became concerned that her husband and kids were locked out of the house, so she quickly took out her phone and texted her husband. It took less than 30 seconds.

A minute later a large man came down the stairs of the theater, got right in her face and began berating her -- telling her she was rude for pulling out her phone. It was so upsetting that she and Mom got up and left.

I understand that she should have stepped out of the theater to text. However, the man caused more of a scene than her texting did. What makes people think it is OK to treat people badly?-- HOLLY IN KOKOMO

DEAR HOLLY: The same thing that made your sister think it was OK to use her cellphone in a darkened theater. She's lucky that all she got was a lecture because these days many people have short fuses.

Lw1: What Abby said. Some people just don't think their kids ish stinks.

LW2: "He says he still doesn't understand why our "fresh start" included a divorce."Yeah. I'm with him. In fact, I would not have agreed to it. Either we work on the marriage, or we call it quits. Not both.

L3: YAY! for the big man who put your rude sister in her place. She didn't text during the previews -- she waited until the movie started.

I'd be more distracted by someone standing up in the middle of the movie and saying "scuse me. scuse me. scuse me" as they make their way to the aisle and then exit the theater to do their texting outside, then doing the same on the way back into the theater and back to their seat. Someone silently sending a text does not even compare.

1 Small town restaurant, so do you know this person? If so, you should set them straight. Maybe you should put a little sticker on your menu saying that "these are dining tables, not changing tables" Please change your rugrat somewhere else.

2 You sound like a nut job, completely controlling. You have the entire thing mapped out in your head and insisted he play along. I think you should stay divorced and give the guy a chance to be happy.

3 I think your mom and sis embellished the issue. If the guy was that big and obnoxious, he would have been asked to leave himself. They were just pizzed someone called them out on their rudeness.Though I am with Tonka about the inconvenience ratio.

L1. Yeah, that's not good for business, Hopefully it was just an aberration. It must be tough owning a White Castle restaurant or Burger King or what have you.I got sick from White Castle when I was in high school and all I had was their onion rings. I wasn't even drinking.Haven't been back since.

3 I think your mom and sis embellished the issue. If the guy was that big and obnoxious, he would have been asked to leave himself. They were just pizzed someone called them out on their rudeness.Though I am with Tonka about the inconvenience ratio.

L1: Yeah, that's gross and rude and the server should have stopped her. But did you actually ask a question or did you just want to rant about this? As a business owner, I'd hope you'd have enough brains and balls to deal with this without having to whine to Abby.

L2: What Tonka said, with a heavy side of counseling.

L3: What Race said, mostly. I think depending on the situation, texting vs. excusing oneself could be equally distracting.

What gets me is that it didn't occur to the sister when she MADE the movie plans that she should make sure her husband and kids have a house key?

L1. Yeah, that's not good for business, Hopefully it was just an aberration.It must be tough owning a White Castle restaurant or Burger King or what have you.I got sick from White Castle when I was in high school and all I had was their onion rings. I wasn't even drinking.Haven't been back since.

You're supposed to get sick from White Castle, that's the whole purpose. To cure the hangover and cleanse the body.

LW1: Make sure you have a changing station in the bathroom. Keep it clean and you should never have this happen again.

But I feel like I need to say that it is possible to change a diaper and not have any baby body part or soiled diaper touch the table. I carried a changing pad with me at all times and got pretty good at not touching *anything.* Those changing stations in restrooms can be disgusting. We had to change Lulu in the hatch-back while shopping at Babys'R'Us once. Place was a sh!thole, literally.

LW2: Demanding a divorce when you intended on staying with the person anyway is completely insane. He has every reason to be skittish. Counseling.

L1: Don't blame society for a few crackpots. I don't think most people would change their baby on a restaurant table. What Abby said about the changing table in the restrooms, however.

L2: Moved from your hometown and got rid of "several friends" -- what, are you living in a bubble? I don't understand why the divorce. I agree with Tonka -- you work on the marriage you don't need to end it. You get what you get. I think the counselling is a good idea -- find out why you your marriage can't survive having people around besides you and your husband.

L3: While I certainly don't understand why this sudden need to check for locked out family members, texting is not a big deal IF you have your phone dimmed, the keyboard silent and do it quickly. I don't see the problem, then, but obviously if the guy went ballistic, this was not the case.

But I feel like I need to say that it is possible to change a diaper and not have any baby body part or soiled diaper touch the table. I carried a changing pad with me at all times and got pretty good at not touching *anything.* Those changing stations in restrooms can be disgusting. We had to change Lulu in the hatch-back while shopping at Babys'R'Us once. Place was a sh!thole, literally.

I don't care. If I'm a restaurant eating food, under no circumstances do I want to see or smell diapers and what goes in them on the table next to me, whether the stuff touches the table or not. Touching is irrelevant anyway; the table is going to get wiped down/cloth swapped out (dear God, don't tell me they did this in a place with tablecloths) between customers anyway. But changing a baby in the middle of a dining room is the same as if someone dropped trou and let loose in the middle of a dining room.

I think changing the kid in the car is totally the way to go, if the bathroom is too disgusting.

<quoted text>I don't care. If I'm a restaurant eating food, under no circumstances do I want to see or smell diapers and what goes in them on the table next to me, whether the stuff touches the table or not. Touching is irrelevant anyway; the table is going to get wiped down/cloth swapped out (dear God, don't tell me they did this in a place with tablecloths) between customers anyway. But changing a baby in the middle of a dining room is the same as if someone dropped trou and let loose in the middle of a dining room.I think changing the kid in the car is totally the way to go, if the bathroom is too disgusting.

I'm in agreement with you on the complete inappropriateness of changing a diaper at a restaurant table. Totally rude and self-centered.

I was just saying that it *can* be done without contamination, not that it *should* be done.

One thing to add tothe diaper discussion, one never knows when the little man's pistol is going to fire unexpectedly or, God forbid, he has an unexpected blow out while in the middle of being changed. "whoops" is not gonna make it ok if it does happen.

<quoted text>It preps the kid for using the gross toilets they'll use the rest of their lives...

Dickie flat out refuses to take the girls into a mens' room. He says men are pigs and no way is he letting his kids put their little butts on a toilet in there.

Thank goodness they can pretty much do that on their own now. Except that for some reason, the closers on bathroom doors seem to be *really* strong and we've had to rescue little ones who were not strong enough to open the door.

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