Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

Well, they come in sizes up to 5X...if that was the only size we got, I think we would all be pretty well covered...

Although there are no doubt those that would like to see us all in small or medium...

After all the talk the other day, since I'm heading out of town shortly...I'll be stopping at Chik-Fil-A. They are one of the sponsors of CCU football...my daughter was here earlier and said she wanted that. I said what a coincidence. I planned on that for supper tonight.

*snork*

Hadn't looked at the list of ads coming up. While typing this, there was a commercial break.

In my driveway, very close to my newspaper is a - eeekkk! dead mouse. Why this mouse hasn't been eaten by one of the neighborhood cats is beyond me, but it hasn't.
At 9:30am this morning I called my friend Brian and asked him if he'd come over and dispose of it, so I could be released from my prison aka house.

The munchkin and I spent the day eating, napping, and shopping for clothes, music, and dvds. I put about $250 on STBX's credit card, which sounds a bit like passive-aggressive revenge, but I actually acquired his permission to increase his debt this morning. He enjoys any shot at martyrdom.

This is beyond dysfunctional, isn't it? We hadn't argued like last night in ages--at least not since he moved out in March. I'd forgotten how bad it could get.

I feel like such white trash, and so terribly naive. It simply dumbfounds how two people--both in dire need of affection and comfort--can clash so terribly.

Though I thought I made a conscious effort not to, it seems I married a man who is very much like my unanimously abhorred father. I think I quite hate life. *angry*

Given the current mood of the Moat, I don't know if I should admit this, but Vince Vaughn has never really done anything for me.

Ditto, Kaf.

OK, all, I see I get to do the MOAT Meet report first here. But first let me acknowledge a particularly satisfying Yankee triumph that not only won them the division for the 8th year in a row but did it at Fenway Park, home of the hated Red Sox.

I'm betting they'll be meeting again in a couple of weeks in the League Championship Series.

OK, a small hitch as Wurm mistakenly thought we were meeting at 11:30 rather than 12:30, but he killed the hour on a book search, a great way to do it. We met him & Bismuth at 12:30 on Fifth Avenue & 52nd Street. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, perfect for walking around New York.

The four of us walked over the Cosi on 56th & Madison and had lunch and talked for a while. Bis had no agenda of things to see so we decided to give him the short version walking tour. We went down to Rockefeller Center (Wurm took pictures) and then over to Times Square, down to 44th Street (sadly, the Naked Cowboy was having another day off) and then up Broadway to Columbus Circle (59th Street) with the three of us (Wurm was definitely tour leader) pointing out various sights ("there's a crazy street preacher" was one).

At 59th we went into Central Park and took a diagonal path northeast, eventually coming out at 79th Street as Bis was picking up his bus for the ride back uptown outside the Metropolitan Museum. We were a little early so had time to walk over to Madison Avenue for some pricy cake & iced cappuchinos at EAT. After that we found Bis's bus and dropped him off, then headed back downtown so Jackie could look for a coffee table at Macy's.

It was a really fun day and great to see Wurm again and meet Bismuth, my 13th MOATie. (As she mentioned last night, Blogchik was unable to make the meet. Maybe next time.)

Update: 5:30pm PDT, Brian just called and said he was sorry he hadn't come over but by now the news in this morning's paper was old and that I'd probably read the other papers online anyway and some other long story having something to do with eggplant and would it be OK if he came over in the morning which he would for sure and he was really sorry and he had to hang up.
Sure, I said. (What else would you say?)
Bye, he said.

No, we haven't. And mice are vermin that are easily stamped out. It only takes a word or two in the cool kids' ears and then they are the topic du jour. No sympathy for rodents and assholes. What a shame.

Aaand on that note, I think I'll pack up the good mood I've worked so hard on today and go to sleep. Having the munchkin around today made this not as bad a birthday as it could have been. First thing she did when she got out of bed this morning was sing "Happy Birthday to Mommy". :)

What is a grown-up? Is it someone who has weathered the rigors of life? Who has been bitten by the snake of betrayal? Seen their life fall down around their ears? Someone who gropes blindly in the fog, looking for firm ground? Someone who knows who and where their friends are?

WHOA!!! Thank-you my MOATies! I knew I was in the right place with the right people. I appreciate your insights, advice and sentiments - you know who you are. What seemed black now seems like nothing at all. Thanks.

I don't know how many of you remember this, but back on Moat 1, I told off Doug Brockmier for some innocent thing he did because a friend of mine was being psychologically abused by her husband. Well, I'm happy to report that she has finally seen the light, and has divorced the SOB.

Thanks Peri,
I had forgotten about Salvadore! Wasn't he for sale? For about a million dollars or something?
I sow her today for the first time in months, she's looking good. Says she's enjoying the single life, has gotten many phone numbers from guys, but can't decide which ones to call! I'm proud of her.
She's got two kids in school, so I upgraded my old computer and gave it to her, so that they could get on the internet. Also I saw her ex on the street yesterday, he tried to bum money from me, he was so strung out I hardly recognized him. I've done a lot of drugs in my day, but this guy has a major problem!

Well well well. Isn't it interesting the things you can learn in private conversations? I hope no one here thinks they have any secrets. You all know that everyone talks and everyone has an opinion, right? We are all very polite, very friendly...I'm not going to rock this boat. I'm open to innuendo, naked jello, banter and life moments from my MOATies...you all know everything about me. Anything you want to know? Just ask.

Thanks Jeff! From your mouth to...well, someone's ears. I've spoken to some very wise and loving people lately, and it's like the sun finally came up. I never fail to be amazed by the people here.

(This is me, letting go of stuff. It's easy, because my friends took it all away in little bits)

Did anyone here ever take 8 ten-year-olds to play laser tag? At a place that's 45 minutes out of town? And then drive back with them when they're all hopped up on pop and cake? I have to do that next weekend. Am I going to survive?

From a Daily News article today called "Short-order hookups" about all the celebrities getting married & divorced in (well) short order:

"At the end of the day, the key to true love is chemistry, and that means attraction, shared values, common interests and substance," Spindel said. "People who fall out of love in a matter of months probably had no idea who the other person was from the start. They confused love with lust."

Jenni is dragging me away for a walk around the park. Actually, it's going to be a beautiful morning for it, but it is severely cutting into my porch time.

We were sitting out here amused by the lawnmowing efforts of our duplex-mate. He made a deal with the landlord that he does the yardwork to reduce his rent. I believe some defnitions of "yard work" needed to be outlined in that deal and I think he definitely got the better end of the bargain as very little effort goes into his lawnmowing.

Nothing gets in his way of mowing. By that, I mean that the one time a month when he mows, he does not pick up ANYTHING!! There are sliced up and smashed hedgeapples in one corner of the yard. By the curb, there is a spot of long grass where he quite admirably mowed AROUND the newspaper.

Then there are the stripes of long, mowed grass just begging to be baled.

And in addition there are (very) large black crows in my driveway walking around!!! Don't they know they're supposed to fly and just hang out on telephone wires??? And why don't they eat the g.d. mouse???
I'd check the classified for apartments in the city, but I can't go get the newspaper!!!

Thanks, El! I'll explain that to them. Do you think you could find the article for me? I'd like to make copies and put them in the grab bags. Actually, I'm sure the hip-hop music will drown them all out, anyway.

Around the time Jamie was born the house we were living in had a lot of mice move in. We put out traps but mice are smart and after a couple were killed the rest learned how to take the bait without setting off the trap. So I put a trap out by a mouse hole in the dining room and stuck the cheese down with peanut butter. I heard the trap go off and when I went to check, there was a mouse lying on the floor with blood on it's head. I didn't want to touch it so I went to look for something to pick it up with. When I got back it was sitting up but was too dazed to run away. I got a broom and swept it out the back door. Icky.

My point exactly Peri! Maybe the mouse is just taking a long nap or faking until some human sets foot in the driveway and then - MOUSE ATTACK!!!!

I did have mice in my kitchen once and when the pest control person came to set traps (in places where I couldn't see them, thank goodness) he used peanut butter because he said when the cheese got hard it had no aroma and wouldn't attract the mice - and he used MY peanut butter and then I had to throw away the whole jar after he left!

We thought someone was rattling something around in our kitchen once at like 3 am (this was at a house we rented way back). JU got up, got armed, and ventured into the kitchen to catch the perp red-handed. Nothing. 10 minutes later, I heard the sound again. Tap tap tap. I got up this time and found that a nut had been moved several feet from a bowl of nuts I had on the kitchen counter. Turns out a mouse was practicing his dribbling on the nut. I set a mouse trap and went back to bed. 10 minutes later, I heard the mouse trap snap.

By the curb, there is a spot of long grass where he quite admirably mowed AROUND the newspaper.

Maybe it was the newspaper Eleanor was too afraid to pick up in case the dead mouse suddenly jumped up and attacked her. Actually, he should have mowed over the newspaper. Then you'd have seen stripes (or is that strips?)!

El, mice do not see very well, which is why they move along walls and step into traps that are placed there. If you stay out of the dead mouse's line of vision you'll be fine.

I can't remember if I posted this recently or just told a friend about it in an e-mail. If I'm repeating myself....then just skip over it.

One day a couple of weeks ago, I was going UP the basement steps and encountered a baby mouse going down. I will admit, cute little thing. But still, it was a mouse. And...eeek.

I was visiting my parents later that day and said that on my way home, I was going to stop at the store and get traps. Mom told me about the sticky traps that don't kill them, but traps them and they get away.

I told her I didn't see the point of that. Am I then supposed to take it out somewhere and set it free...which would mean prying it lose? Or kill it as it's sitting there struggling on the sticky paper?

A guy at work lives near a woods and thought they had mice in the garage since he'd been hearing rustling noises. He set out the sticky paper and the next morning, found a snake stuck to it.

sly, use peanut butter - and buy a separate jar so you don't have to eat out of it afterwards!
And isn't Fish still living in your basement and if so, shouldn't this mouse thing be one of his chores??? :)

Sticky traps are GREAT for other creepy crawlies though... the glue traps in our basement take care of all the crickets. The only problem is -- once one of those traps gets covered in a bunch of dead bugs, you still don't want to touch it to throw it away!

Sticky traps, ugh! Nasty things. My parents put those out while we were young. Unfortunately I also had some willful hamsters that liked to get out of their cage.

Sticky traps attract hamsters quite well!

So mom several times had a permanently stuck hamster on a sticky trap, outside, behind a running VW, trying to "euthanize" one under the tail-pipe. Looking up and around, pretending this was the most natural thing in the world to do.

We used to use a "humane" trap when we lived in the country. It trapped the mouse in a metal box, to be set free later. Some people don't want to have to deal with a live mouse, but I think dealing with a dead one is just as bad. Or, worse, an injured one that is only going to bleed to death.

Tamara - yes, we have lots of cats here in my "hood" who come over to visit all the time, take naps on my patio chairs, etc., and that's why I don't understand why they haven't "taken care of" this problem!

A few weeks ago, I noticed my duplex-mate had 5 bags of garbage in the garage, and hadn't been setting garbage out on the designated pick-up days. (This is the lawnmowing dude.... evidence is in....he's lazy.) I was thinking that was going to attract varmits and I was going to have to say something to him. I was getting something out of my side of the basement and saw him down there sweeping up stuff from a bag that had been nibbled into by said varmits.

I just said something like "I was going to say something to you, but guess the mice beat me to it."

Peri: with kids and laser tag, the trick is to force a running game. If they just hide behind cover, scream, and shoot at each other, they'll get really worked up. Get them to chase each other around so they burn off some energy. Plus, shooting on the run they will be WAY less accurate, so the game will last longer.

Tamara - *snork* re ants.
Yes, I used to have cats and they would kill birds and eat all but the heads and leave said heads right outside my sliding glass door that leads out to the patio - nice!!!! NOT!

Now I'm picturing peri decked out in full commando assault gear charging into the laser tag arena and screaming Runnnnnnn at the ankle biters.
Actually, that works. Well it did with the 12ish year olds wolfieniece was with when I got to take her to laser tag. 12 year old boys btw do not like being beaten by an old fogie such as they considered me.

*giggles* euthanised hampsters WBAGNFAgrungeRB

Jeff ~ I'm familiar with the book Jackie used to defend herself against imminent mouse invasion.. exactly how large was the splatter pattern when you lifted it up?

(i'll see if yr. sister still has a copy of Jensen, cause we've got crickets in the house and the calculus textbook doesn't make a dent in 'em)

Joshkr-your mom was trying to euthanize a hamster with carbon monoxide? I'll never get that out of my head, was she also shouting dis-inspirational things at it? "No girl hamster will want you!, Your life is a mess!, So breathe deep and suck it up!!

It was at a ski house I was renting up in Vermont. I guess the mice found their way into the house looking for food and water, and drowned when they couldn't climb back out of the toilet. It was pretty gross, but it was fun to launch them off the back deck into the woods.

Gee.. who here could have told em that without having to spend years in college and getting a degree (NTTAWWT)?

The problem with kids hopped up on sugar and fizz is not the "hopped up" phase, IMO, as much as the "sugar crash" phase, when their bodies have absorbed all the "goodness" and they come down to earth with a thud and then some. Then you get the bickering, whining, fighting and so on. The trick there is to keep feeding em crap up to 30 seconds before their parents arrive to pick them up (or if you're dropping them off, until you hit the corner of the street they live in). Then clean em up super-quick and send them inside. Once you've dropped them off, they're no longer your responsibility. Smile nicely at the parents and say "We had a wonderful day!" then walk away slowly as if you're not guilty of anything. When you get back to the car... burn rubber!
/helpful advice

*googles Jillian Barbieri*
I see she's some kind of newspersona, but I find no images of her, which is unusual, presuming she has oversized fake tatas.
*decides not to worry about it*

I know the best way to kill cockroaches is a little bit of sherry in the base of a shallow bowl (disposable, even the lid to a margarine container... not Gramma's good china!). They detect the sugar in the sherry.. climb into the bowl and can't get out. If they can swim, the alco hol poi son ing will get em before they can get out. I've never tried this on mice, although I imagine it would get expensive. You'd need a LOT more sherry.

Eeeeekkkk!!!!
I was just attacked by a ginormous spider in my own garden. Does the Moat have a gardener I can borrow? Cause I sure as heck am not going back out there today. Or probably tomorrow either.
Also, spackle in a tube is my new favorite home repair item.
I'll let everyone draw their own conclusions about how the 2 things are connected.

Mom told me about the sticky traps that don't kill them, but traps them and they get away.

Sly, that's not strictly true, as they will eventually die in those sticky traps. We've used them and I've put the mouse out of its misery when I've caught one. I pick it up wearing gloves, put it in a bag and ... let's not go there.

Time to switch back to the Rams.

Oh! That's not any better.

Giants 37, Rams 17? That one? Looks good to me.

Today was the Third Avenue Festival in Bay Ridge (even got a visit from Mayor Bloomberg with local politicos) and, as usually happens, it was gorgeous weather - sunny and around 80.

Jackie was single-minded, however, in her pursuit of a coffee table and end table to go with the new couch and chairs she'd already bought, and found what she wanted at Harry's For The Home at the other end of the festival (Bay Ridge Avenue - 69th St.). So, in 8 weeks or so we'll have a nearly new living room.

Jeff, Jillian Barbieri is the weather girl on NFL on Fox, or whatever that show is called.

CARDS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and hit 100 games this year. The girls (and Tim) are at the game today with their Dad and they got to see a good game. Last regular season home game at THIS Busch Stadium; and there's some sort of post-game "to do" with a bunch of former players. \

Yes, but last year at this time I wasn't a MOATie, so to me the Cards were just a face in the crowd, so to speak. I really only paid attention to teams on either coast. But now that I know you, I've been keeping an eye on the Cards. Same with football, but now because of FF I have to pay attention everywhere!!

No offense to Eleanor but the Padres being in the playoffs this year is almost embarrassing.

Of course, that doesn't mean they can't win (even though they can't), just that it's unlikely.

I mean, look at the 1973 Mets, the previous record for futility in a winning team. They finished 83-79 (or close to that), then upset the powerful Cincinnati Reds in the playoffs (only one round then) and actually led Oakland (second of three straight championship seasons) 3 games to 2 before losing the series.