Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

When I lived in El Salvador I used to dream of coming to the United States because I thought life would be like what I saw in music videos. Kris Kross, M.C. Hammer, C+C Music Factory – I admired the style of the clothing and imagined the fun I would have living among such cool people. I imagined I would go to a school like Bayside High School on Saved by the Bell.

I’ve lived in the United States now for 15 years and needless to say, my life does not resemble the life of Zack Morris, but it’s okay. At least I finally understand the lyrics (sometimes) to the songs I listened to so often without comprehending any of the meaning.

The other day we grocery shopping too late in the evening and I didn’t want to wait for my wife, Tracy, to cook dinner so I suggested we stop and buy something to take home.

Somehow we ended up at a Taco Bell, (or “Taco hell” as Tracy calls it), even though we haven’t eaten there for years – and with good reason – we don’t really like the food.

I pulled up to the drive-thru and, what sounded like a teenage boy, asked to take my order. I gave my order but he asked me to repeat it twice. It became apparent that he couldn’t understand my accent. Suddenly a female voice came over the speaker and asked for my order. I repeated it, and this woman seemed to understand my accent better so I was able to pull up to the window.

My wife and oldest son had been giggling almost the whole time while I tried to order, and I got kind of irritated.

“Don’t laugh at me, please,” I said, while waiting for them to hand the food to us.
“But why did you say ‘Nachos Bell Grande’ like a white person?” she asked, laughing even harder.

I didn’t realize I had, but I guess I did so the Taco Bell employees would understand me.

“I don’t like when you laugh at me,” I said, trying not to lose my temper after I paid and we were on our way home.

“I’m not laughing at you,” she said, “Don’t you realize how funny this is? You’re a native Spanish speaker from Latin America ordering fake Latin American food from gringos, and you had to mispronounce Spanish so they would understand you!”

I still don’t really understand why it was so funny. Maybe it’s American humor? … And I got sick from the Chicken Baja Gorditas. At least now I remember why I don’t like Taco Bell.

Yesterday we went to do our regular grocery shopping and on our way back home I decided to stop for gas. My little one asked if he could help me. I thought for a moment and decided it was an important thing for him to know so I said he could.

I tried to explain how to do it – how to hold the nozzle and everything, but I didn’t realize it was too heavy for him. He pointed it directly at me and gasoline went dripping onto my new shoes. (Anyone who knows me, knows I love to keep my shoes very clean.)

My little boy’s eyes looked scared in that moment and I remembered how my parents used to beat me with a belt for the smallest mistakes.

For those who don’t know, the store owner of the Latino market we often visited was always flirting with my wife until we came to a point where we felt sort of uncomfortable. Now we do not go to that store. The other week we went to a new Latino market and you will not believe this, but the same thing happened. When we were at the cash register to pay the cashier, he saw my wife looking at some candy. With a smile he said “Take it. For you, it’s free.”

I got a little bit jealous but the truth is that I’m learning not to take it too seriously. It’s better in some ways that my wife gets free candy everywhere we go, because then I don’t have to buy it.

The other day I enrolled in my first American college class. The class is a 10 week course starting in September which results in a certificate in Dental Assisting. I still have to do the financial aid paperwork, but so far, I’m at least signed up. It’s not like I always dreamed of being a Dental Assistant and I don’t even know if I will seek a career in dentistry, but the schedule and price seem doable. I actually always wanted to be a doctor, but this is close enough. The important thing I think is to remove self-doubt about whether I can understand and pass a class taught in English.

I feel nervous but excited at the same time. When Tracy went with me to sign up for the class she started laughing. I asked why and she said, “Remember the elf on Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer?” … I had no idea what she was talking about until she showed me this video. I guess I am like Hermie the elf.