Internet 'Service' Providers: One Frustrated Customer at a Time

Verizon president and COO Lowell McAdam (L) talks on stage with Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg (R) and Consumer Electronics Association President Gary Shapiro (C) after the Verizon keynote address on the opening day of the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas January 6, 2011. Photo: REUTERS

A mostly fictional, but typical, conversation between a frustrated Internet customer and his service provider:

Customer: Hello Time Warner?

Time Warner: Yes. What is your address and name sir?

Customer: Finster Beckinwald.

Time Warner: Thank you. How can I help you?

Customer: I have no Internet service.

Time Warner: We can send a person out in two weeks.

Customer: Two weeks! What am I supposed to do until then.

Time Warner: We're sorry sir perhaps if you call tomorrow someone will have canceled.

Customer: But I need the Internet for work. I work from home when I'm not at work. It's the Internet life. It's 24/7.

Time Warner: Yes-sir i understand, but I am sorry there is nothing I can do.

Customer: How can you say that? What choice have I got but to use you? You have a monopoly here, although Fios made some approach to my landlord.

Time Warner: Verizon?

Customer: Yes, In fact I am going to call them now.

Customer: Hello Verizon?

Verizon: Yes-sir, how can we help you today?

Customer: I would like to order Fios for my home?

Verizon: I'm afraid you are not in our area today, but we will be there in a week.

Customer: And where are you working now?

Verizon: Well we are working now installing service in Rockland County.

Customer: Where?

Verizon: Rockland County

Customer: But that's were a townhouse just blew up! I heard it was a Verizon installer who caused the accident. And two firefighters were burned!

Verizon: Yes-sir, that's when a Verizon installer drilled through a gas line. Fortunately, no one was killed.

Customer: And a house was leveled!

Verizon: Yes-sir. We will be in your neighborhood in a week. Would you like to make an appointment for someone to come to your house to install Fios service? We can set up an appointment now if you would like?

Customer: Well, thank God no one was killed!

Verizon: Yes-sir. Would you care to make an appointment for the week when we are in your area?