Sunday, December 21, 2008

My son and I have been arguing a lot lately about commercials, the stupidest commercials on television, to be exact.

It's all boiled down to this: Big City Slidder Station vs. Snuggie.

I'm going with Big City Slidder Station. This small burger press is the latest in the museum of absurd products endorsed by infomercial pitchman extraordinaire Billy Mays. Mays may have been onto something with that orange cleaner stuff, but things have really dried up since then, as evidenced by "The Hercules Hook" and "Mighty Puddy."

Now, he's pitching the Big City Slidder Station, a contraption that apparently shapes and cooks Whitecastle-like hamburgers. My favorite part of the commercial is when Billy shows us an old-fashioned hamburger literally flying out of the pan like a greased meteorite. Damned dangerous malformed burgers!

It's a terrible commercial, but my son, Trent, argues that the Snuggie commercial is even worse. The Snuggie is basically a blanket with arm holes, giving cold consumers an amazing combination of warmth and dexterity. After all, you have to be Houdini-like to escape from those strangling traditional blankets.

Additionally, the Snuggie has the terrific side effect of making anyone who wears it look like a Catholic priest or a wizard from Harry Potter. After a recent airing of the commercial, Trent said blithely, "Ever hear of a robe?"

That's the big problem with these commercials. They represent products that solve nonexistent problems. I've somehow gotten by all these years by patting out my own hamburgers. How uncivilized! I don’t dress like a wizard, yet I'm warm.

It makes me wonder who buys these things. I'm thinking only somebody who would pay with those Obama silver dollars.