What a boner of a finale. Also, whoever thought of the name “Prince Farming” is incredibly proud of himself. Let’s move on. Chris starts the episode in frigid temps back in Iowa saying, “It feels really good to be back home in Iowa.” No it doesn’t. That’s a lie. You’d much rather be in Bora Bora like the other seasons but some yahoo on the production team decided to fucking RUN with this Iowa theme. So you’re stuck […]

There’s no reason this recap should be late because this show was fucking stupid and I could recap it in five sentences. But I won’t because I rant a lot. So here goes. Chris and Chris crashing parties is good stuff, especially the super wasted crew at the end. I bet the one tequila-bottle-chugger was in panic mode waiting for last night’s episode to air – she probably didn’t have a clue what she did on camera. I wonder if […]

So apparently it’s humid in Bali? Not that you could tell at ALL. Farmer has a pit problem on cold days in Iowa, so put the poor bastard in Bali and that shit was dripping! We’re down to three girls and it’s the STD suite episode, people (or in Becca’s case, the dry-hump suite). Let’s get started. Kaitlyn Date Why is this straddle greet so popular? I would knock my husband over if I did that to […]

We are down to six chicks and we’re STILL in Iowa… Becca Date We were so busy listening to Britt freak about not getting the last date rose, that I forgot Becca hasn’t even gone on her damn date yet. The producers forgot too…you can almost hear them saying, “Oh fuck! We forgot to air the date with the virgin! Ahhh well, we’ll slot in a couple highlights between minute three and five.” The whole date takes place […]

THREE hours? And two more tonight? This is like waterboarding, Bachelor style. Me = angry. It’s just too much. I know, I know, I subject myself to it, but I’m still allowed to be annoyed. But how much should you people be forced to read? I’m making this shit quick tonight. We start with an hour of nothingness. First up, Kelsey… Kelsey In a nutshell: This interview was done solely to make her look like an even […]

We start with Kelsey on the floor, crying like the fakest little bitch of all time. My goodness that was harsh! I don’t know much about panic attacks but from the descriptions I’ve heard, I don’t think one is capable of truly realizing what’s going on so the most suspect part of this is her whine: “I think I’m having a paaaanic attack…” She clearly freaked out and needed attention. It was a ploy. This isn’t rocket science, people. […]

Holy shit, there are 15 girls left? My god. There are two group dates this week and a 1-on-1 date. The kicker is that Chris’ sisters get to interview the girls and decide who gets the 1-on-1 date. What I wouldn’t give to be the one to interview these girls and decide that…someone make that happen for me! Group Date The group date is for Megan, Kaitlyn, Ashley S., Ashley I., Juelia, Samantha, Mackenzie and Kelsey. “Let’s […]

Jimmy Kimmel needs to be there every week. Those are the questions I would ask if I got to be there too… wait – I need to be there every week! How fun would that be? Kimmel tells the ladies he’s going to help Chris by making love to each of them. I mean, was I meant to marry Jimmy Kimmel? He then introduces the “amazing” jar – you have to put $1 into it every time you say […]

This is barely a reality show at this point. No chance that 95% of these chicks are for real, right? Let’s go… Night one ends and even these chicks are over it. Yoga Kimberly wasn’t given a rose but begs to come back (always sexy). Oddly, Chris gives in and lets her stay. Ashley I. says, “It showed us Chris isn’t going to play by the standard rules.” She then tacks on, “Which might MEAN, maybe he’ll poop on me […]

Three hours is offensive. I was literally angry last night. How dare you, Bachelor Producers, for assuming I would spend three hours of my life on this garbage. I did it, don’t get me wrong, I’m not that strong, but man was I annoyed. I usually like the first episode because it’s fun to actually meet the tramps, but I was over it. Do you think I’m going to have this ornery attitude all season? Oh right, I always do. […]

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What a boner of a finale. Also, whoever thought of the name “Prince Farming” is incredibly proud of himself. Let’s move on. Chris starts the episode in frigid temps back in Iowa saying, “It feels really good to be back home in Iowa.” No it doesn’t. That’s a lie. You’d much rather be in Bora Bora like the other seasons but some yahoo on the production team decided to fucking RUN with this Iowa theme. So you’re stuck […]

There’s no reason this recap should be late because this show was fucking stupid and I could recap it in five sentences. But I won’t because I rant a lot. So here goes. Chris and Chris crashing parties is good stuff, especially the super wasted crew at the end. I bet the one tequila-bottle-chugger was in panic mode waiting for last night’s episode to air – she probably didn’t have a clue what she did on camera. I wonder if […]

So apparently it’s humid in Bali? Not that you could tell at ALL. Farmer has a pit problem on cold days in Iowa, so put the poor bastard in Bali and that shit was dripping! We’re down to three girls and it’s the STD suite episode, people (or in Becca’s case, the dry-hump suite). Let’s get started. Kaitlyn Date Why is this straddle greet so popular? I would knock my husband over if I did that to […]

We are down to six chicks and we’re STILL in Iowa… Becca Date We were so busy listening to Britt freak about not getting the last date rose, that I forgot Becca hasn’t even gone on her damn date yet. The producers forgot too…you can almost hear them saying, “Oh fuck! We forgot to air the date with the virgin! Ahhh well, we’ll slot in a couple highlights between minute three and five.” The whole date takes place […]

THREE hours? And two more tonight? This is like waterboarding, Bachelor style. Me = angry. It’s just too much. I know, I know, I subject myself to it, but I’m still allowed to be annoyed. But how much should you people be forced to read? I’m making this shit quick tonight. We start with an hour of nothingness. First up, Kelsey… Kelsey In a nutshell: This interview was done solely to make her look like an even […]

We start with Kelsey on the floor, crying like the fakest little bitch of all time. My goodness that was harsh! I don’t know much about panic attacks but from the descriptions I’ve heard, I don’t think one is capable of truly realizing what’s going on so the most suspect part of this is her whine: “I think I’m having a paaaanic attack…” She clearly freaked out and needed attention. It was a ploy. This isn’t rocket science, people. […]

Holy shit, there are 15 girls left? My god. There are two group dates this week and a 1-on-1 date. The kicker is that Chris’ sisters get to interview the girls and decide who gets the 1-on-1 date. What I wouldn’t give to be the one to interview these girls and decide that…someone make that happen for me! Group Date The group date is for Megan, Kaitlyn, Ashley S., Ashley I., Juelia, Samantha, Mackenzie and Kelsey. “Let’s […]

Jimmy Kimmel needs to be there every week. Those are the questions I would ask if I got to be there too… wait – I need to be there every week! How fun would that be? Kimmel tells the ladies he’s going to help Chris by making love to each of them. I mean, was I meant to marry Jimmy Kimmel? He then introduces the “amazing” jar – you have to put $1 into it every time you say […]

This is barely a reality show at this point. No chance that 95% of these chicks are for real, right? Let’s go… Night one ends and even these chicks are over it. Yoga Kimberly wasn’t given a rose but begs to come back (always sexy). Oddly, Chris gives in and lets her stay. Ashley I. says, “It showed us Chris isn’t going to play by the standard rules.” She then tacks on, “Which might MEAN, maybe he’ll poop on me […]

Three hours is offensive. I was literally angry last night. How dare you, Bachelor Producers, for assuming I would spend three hours of my life on this garbage. I did it, don’t get me wrong, I’m not that strong, but man was I annoyed. I usually like the first episode because it’s fun to actually meet the tramps, but I was over it. Do you think I’m going to have this ornery attitude all season? Oh right, I always do. […]

I know Fran Drescher might be a little over the head of you younguns born in the 00’s, but I was obsessed with this bish growing up. Do yourself a favor and watch every episode of the Nanny on Nick at Nite right the fuck now. DON’T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE, YA DRUNKS! Follow me here: http://mamrie.tumblr.com http://www.twitter.com/mametown

Alex married young, had kids, & never sowed her wild oats. Jane is single, ready to settle & so damn sick of Tinder. An improv comedy web series starring UCB and PIT performers Rachel Rosenthal, Julie Rosing and Taylor Newhall. Created by Beth Miranda Botshon and Maria Stasavage. Episode One: Friday Night! All The Single Ladies! (and the MILFS): Draaaaanks or Couch? In the first episode of the new comedy web-series, Alex and Jane, things come to a head […]

Was there a drunken Sephora employee stationed at the Herpes pad? I mean, my god, ladies. Not only are you all wearing WAY too much makeup when you’re at the beach, but that’s too much makeup for a Vegas stage production. Ease up, holy smokes. Chris Harrison tells the remaining twelve people, six “couples” (using the term loosely), that now is the time to take a hard, honest look at your “relationships” (using the term loosely). If you don’t see […]

I’m beginning to bore a bit. Next week is the finale and me thinks its time… Let’s get started. First off, Cody needs to chill the shit out. My god, dude! I love that you’re honest and want a real relationship but you’re coming across as…a little too available. You don’t tell a chick you love her after six days together. Marcus didn’t even do that. Marcus/Lacy Date There is no way I’d climb down that hole. […]

Remember yesterday when I said these awesome previews better live up to the hype? Yeah, so they didn’t. All that drama with ambulances, Graham running off when offered a rose and someone getting lost in the jungle? Yeah, well Graham was thirsty and Lacy had the runs. Talk about over-selling, geesh. Lacy pukes in the middle of the rose ceremony. By “in the middle of”, I mean, she ran to a toilet and then puked in it. She’s been […]