See a pretty version of this newsletter: http://bit.ly/YourBiggestLove

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If you would like to support my ongoing work, please visit my Virtual Tip
Jar at Paypal. It's here: https://paypal.me/FreeWillAstrology

You can also contribute to my well-being by buying the Expanded Audio
Horoscopes I create every week. These forecasts are different in tone and
content from the written horoscopes I provide here. They're my four- to
five-minute-long ruminations about the current chapter of your life story.
They're available at http://RealAstrology.com.

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BLISS BLITZ

In response to our culture's ever-rising levels of noise and frenzy, rites of
purification have become more popular. Many people now recognize the
value of taking periodic retreats. Withdrawing from their usual
compulsions, they go on fasts, avoid mass media, practice celibacy, or
even abstain from speaking. While we applaud cleansing ceremonies like
this, we recommend balancing them with periodic outbreaks of an equal
and opposite custom: the Bliss Blitz.

During this celebration, you tune out the numbing banality of the daily
grind. But instead of shrinking into asceticism, you indulge in uninhibited
explorations of joy, release, and expansion. Turning away from the mildly
stimulating distractions you seek out when you're bored or worried, you
become inexhaustibly resourceful as you search for unsurpassable sources
of cathartic pleasure. Try it for a day or a week: the Bliss Blitz.

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VOWS

I invite you to speak these vows out loud:

As long as I live, I vow to die and be reborn, die and be reborn, die and be
reborn, over and over again, forever reinventing myself.

I promise to be stronger than hate, wetter than water, deeper than the
abyss, and wilder than the sun.

I pledge to remember that I am not only a sweating, half-asleep, excitable,
bumbling jumble of desires, but that I am also an immortal four-
dimensional messiah in continuous telepathic touch with all of creation.

I vow to love and honor my highs and my lows my yeses and noes, my
give and my take, the life I wish I had and the life I actually have.

I promise to push hard to get better and smarter, grow my devotion to
the truth, fuel my commitment to beauty, refine my emotions, hone my
dreams, wrestle with my shadow, purge my ignorance, and soften my
heart -- even as I always accept myself for exactly who I am, with all of
my so-called foibles and wobbles.

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YOU ARE LUCKY!

One of life's great bounties is its changeableness, which ensures that
boredom will never last very long. You may underestimate the intensity of
your longing for continual transformation, but the universe doesn't.

That's why it provides you with the boundless entertainment of your
ever-shifting story. That's why it is always revising the challenges it sends
your way, providing your curious soul with a rich variety of unpredictable
teachings.

Neuroscientists have turned up evidence that suggests you love this
aspect of the universe's behavior. They say that you are literally addicted
to learning. At the moment when you grasp a lesson you've been
grappling with, your brain experiences a rush of a natural opium-like
chemical, boosting your pleasure levels. You crave this experience. You
thrive on it.

So the universe is built in such a way as to discourage boredom. It does
this not just by generating an endless stream of interesting novelty, and
not only by giving you an instinctive lust to keep learning, but also by
making available an abundance of ways to break free of your habitual
thoughts.

You can go to school, travel, read, listen to experts, converse with people
who think differently from you, and absorb the works of creative artists.
You can replenish and stretch your mind through exercise, sex,
psychotherapy, spiritual practices, and self-expression. You can take
drugs and medicines that alter your perspectives.

And here's the best part of this excellent news: Every method that exists
for expanding your consciousness is more lavishly available right now than
it has been at any previous time in history.

Never before have there been so many schools, educational programs,
workshops, and enrichment courses. Virtually any subject or skill you want
to study, you can. You don't even have to leave your home to do it. The
number of online classes is steadily mounting . . . .

Read the rest of this essay here:
http://bit.ly/ObviousMiracle7

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The preceding three blips are excerpts from my book
*PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA*

It's available at Amazon: http://bit.ly/Pronoia
or Powells: http://bit.ly/PronoiaPowells

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INTERVIEW

You: "What do you talk about when you want to activate the imagination
of someone you care for?"

Me: "I talk about the beauty they possess but don't know much about."

You: "How do you become smarter in the way you love?"

Me: "Before I ask anyone to consider changing their attitude or behavior, I
first change myself in that exact way."

You: "What's the skill that you may be destined to become a master of,
even though it's difficult for you to learn?"

Me: "Knowing the difference between ego-driven obsession and
compassionate passion."

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LIST OF ESSENTIALS

1. Sunny, breezy ripples on your special day

2. A wild dream not quite hidden inside a safe dream

3. Time's gifts harvested at a moment of fierce weakness

4. Riddles and help from the Princess of Cups

5. Unexpected celebration; don't resist

6. You meet an alchemist disguised as a biologist

7. Waves of joyous chanting in the distance

8. Inspiration dissipates fear -- pink dawn

9. Song of the weird, sweet healers

10. Message written in disappearing ink reappears

11. The valuable illusions of youth

12. Clarity in all of its shocking splendor

13. Green earth basks in blue moonlight

14. A whisper in the dark frees you from loss

15. Are your ready for your close-up?

16. Meeting the Guest on an island you love

17. A lily and a rose on your doorstep

18. A birch tree tells you a joke

19. A memory recreated out of the thick air

20. What renegade light reaches the ocean's floor

21. A forgotten bell rings, announcing your victory

22. Hummingbird swarm, delight or agitation

23. What comes next

24.

25.

26.

27.

28.

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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:

Musician David Byrne has created a website the documents the many
reasons to be cheerful: https://www.reasonstobecheerful.world

ARIES (March 21-April 19): A few years ago, a New Zealander named
Bruce Simpson announced plans to build a cruise missile at his home using
parts he bought legally from eBay and other online stores. In accordance
with current astrological omens, I suggest you initiate a comparable
project. For example, you could arrange a do-it-yourself space flight by
tying a thousand helium balloons to your lawn chair. APRIL FOOL! I lied.
Please don't try lunatic schemes like the helium balloon space flight.
Here's the truth: Now is a favorable time to initiate big, bold projects, but
not foolish, big, bold projects. The point is to be both visionary and
practical.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The Finnish word *kalsarikännit* means
getting drunk at home alone in your underwear and bingeing on guilty
pleasures. It's a perfect time for you to do just that. The Fates are
whispering, "Chill out. Vegetate. Be ambitionless." APRIL FOOL! I told a
half-truth. In fact, now is a perfect time to excuse yourself from trying
too hard and doing too much. You can accomplish wonders and marvels
by staying home and bingeing on guilty pleasures in your underwear. But
there's no need to get drunk.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Actor Gary Busey is very sure there are no
mirrors in heaven. He has other specific ideas about the place, as well.
This became a problem when he was filming the movie *Quigley,* in which
his character Archie visits heaven. Busey was so enraged at the director's
mistaken rendering of paradise that he got into a fist fight with another
actor. I hope you will show an equally feisty fussiness in the coming
weeks, Gemini. APRIL FOOL! I lied, sort of. On the one hand, I do hope
you'll be forceful as you insist on expressing your high standards. Don't
back down! But on the other hand, refrain from pummeling anyone who
asks you to compromise.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In the Scots language still spoken in parts of
Scotland, *eedle-doddles* are people who can't summon initiative when
it's crunch time. They are so consumed in trivial or irrelevant concerns
that they lose all instinct for being in the right place at the right time. I
regret to inform you that you are now at risk of being an *eedle-doddle.*
APRIL FOOL! I lied. In fact, the truth is just the opposite. I have rarely
seen you so well-primed to respond vigorously and bravely to Big Magic
Moments. For the foreseeable future, you are King or Queen of *Carpe
Diem.*

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Paul McCartney likes to periodically act like a
regular person who's not a famous musician. He goes grocery shopping
without bodyguards. He rides on public transportation and strikes up
conversations with random strangers. I think you may need to engage in
similar behavior yourself, Leo. You've become a bit too enamored with
your own beauty and magnificence. You really do need to come down to
earth and hang out more with us little people. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The
truth is, now is prime time to hone your power and glory; to indulge your
urge to shine and dazzle; to be as conspicuously marvelous as you dare to
be.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The coming days will be an excellent time to
concoct an alchemical potion that will heal your oldest wounds. For best
results, mix and sip a gallon of potion using the following magic
ingredients: absinthe, chocolate syrup, cough medicine, dandelion tea,
cobra venom, and worm's blood. APRIL FOOL! I mixed a lie in with a truth.
It is a fact that now is a fine time to seek remedies for your ancient
wounds. But the potion I recommended is bogus. Go on a quest for the
real cure.

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MAYBE JOY AND PLEASURE ARE ESSENTIAL SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure and happiness isn't a
barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on
the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and
compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something
important to teach you every day.

For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED
AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four-to-five-minute meditations on the
current state of your destiny.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I expect you will soon receive a wealth of
exotic and expensive gifts. For example, a benefactor may finance your
vacation to a gorgeous sacred site or give you the deed to an enchanted
waterfall. I won't be surprised if you're blessed with a solid gold bathtub
or a year's supply of luxury cupcakes. It's even possible that a sugar
daddy or sugar momma will fork over $500,000 to rent an auditorium for
a party in your honor. APRIL FOOL! I distorted the truth. I do suspect
you'll get more goodies than usual in the coming weeks, but they're likely
to come in the form of love and appreciation, not flashy material goods.
(For best results, don't just wait around for the goodies to stream in;
*ask* for them!)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): There's a narrow waterway between Asia and
Europe. In the fifth century B.C., Persian King Xerxes had two bridges built
across it so he could invade Greece with his army. But a great storm
swept through and smashed his handiwork. Xerxes was royally peeved. He
ordered his men to whip the uncooperative sea and brand it with hot
irons, all the while shouting curses at it, like "You are a turbid and briny
river." I recommend that you do something similar, Scorpio. Has Nature
done anything to inconvenience you? Show it who's the Supreme Boss!
APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, now is an excellent time for you to
become more attuned and in love with a Higher Power, however you
define that. What's greater than you and bigger than your life and wilder
than you can imagine? Refine your practice of the art of surrender.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Fifteenth-century Italian painter Filippo
Lippi was such a lustful womanizer that he sometimes found it tough to
focus on making art. At one point, his wealthy and politically powerful
patron Cosimo de' Medici, frustrated by his extracurricular activities,
imprisoned him in his studio to ensure he wouldn't get diverted. Judging
from your current astrological omens, Sagittarius, I suspect you need
similar constraints. APRIL FOOL! I fibbed a little. I am indeed worried you'll
get so caught up in the pursuit of pleasure that you'll neglect your duties.
But I won't go so far as to suggest you should be locked up for your own
good.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Now is a favorable time to slap a lawsuit
on your mom in an effort to make her pay for the mistakes she made
while raising you. You could also post an exposé on social media in which
you reveal her shortcomings, or organize a protest rally outside her house
with your friends holding signs demanding she apologize for how she
messed you up. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was ridiculous and
false. The truth is, now is a perfect moment to meditate on the gifts and
blessings your mother gave you. If she is still alive, express your gratitude
to her. If she has passed on, do a ritual to honor and celebrate her.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarian author Alice Walker won a Pulitzer
Prize for her novel *The Color Purple.* She has also published 33 other
books and built a large audience. But some of her ideas are not exactly
mainstream. For example, she says that one of her favorite authors is
David Icke, who asserts that intelligent extraterrestrial reptiles have
disguised themselves as humans and taken control of our planet's
governments. I bring this to your attention, because I think it's time that
you, too, reveal the full extent of how crazy you really are. APRIL FOOL! I
half-lied. While it's true that now is a favorable time to show more of your
unconventional and eccentric sides, I don't advise you to go full-on
whacko.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Warning! Danger! You are at risk of
contracting a virulent case of cherophobia! And what exactly is
cherophobia? It's a fear of happiness. It's an inclination to dodge and shun
joyful experiences because of the suspicion that they will disappoint you
or cause bad luck. Please do something to stop this insidious
development. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is that you are currently more
receptive to positive emotions and delightful events than you've been in a
log time. There's less than a one-percent chance you will fall victim to
cherophobia.

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Homework: What quality or behavior in you would most benefit from
healthy self-mocking? Write Freewillastrology.com.

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