I have horrible posture. I had been having problems with my back hurting for about two weeks. Well, with the spot in my back that was hurting (right in between my shoulder blades), I started having outside right arm pain (occurs because of the nerves to your spine in that area). Well, then my chest wall started hurting. So, you can see... I've been thinking that a heart attack is coming at any point now. I had a horrible panic attack three days ago. My first one in over a year. My very first one was about 11 years ago. Felt like I was going to die. Was absolutely horrible.

Anyway, I have a problem, daily, with thinking I am going to die. Headache? Must be a brain tumor. Stomach ache? Must be my appendix. It always HAS to be something that can kill me. It can't ever be something simple.

Haven't been on medication. Have no insurance. So right now it's not even really an option.

I am also REALLY scared of taking medication (of any kind), and I'm afraid to try new foods, for fear that I am going to be allergic to it, and it's going to cause me some sort of allergic reaction/death/severe problem.

I'm such a mess right now. I quit smoking about 5 weeks ago, and I think this has really helped to make my anxiety worse, but I am not giving in. I do not want to smoke. I also cut out caffeine about two days ago. Have not had any caffeine today at all. Had one 12 ounce soda yesterday, and one the day before. Normally drink 2 cups of coffee in the am, soda through the day, and an energy drink EVERY night.

Right now you could be having withdrawal symptoms from giving certain things up, when I gave coffee up, I had headaches quite often, I now suffer with tension headaches but I can live with them.

Tackle one thing at a time, it's quite rare to get a brain tumour, you need to deal with the real fear, you talk about serious illnesses, are you afraid of death or suffering? I've been in a similar place with hypochondriacs, it can go away if you change your thinking pattern. x

leyash

08-05-2012 11:03 AM

Re: Anxiety attacks coming back.

I am very much a hypochondriac. I am very afraid of death. I don't want to leave my children. I do not want them to be without a mother.

Changing my thinking is the only way that I am going to beat this. I have to get through it, and get over it, and stop talking myself into having all of these extremely rare diseases. It just doesn't make sense. If I look up an illness, and there are 30 symptoms, and I have even ONE, I am completely convinced that I have that illness.

NatePanda

08-05-2012 12:26 PM

Re: Anxiety attacks coming back.

Do you have any help from outside (therapist)/
I only know that you need to take step by step.

My first step towards controlling my negative thoughts were to write them down on the left side of a piece of paper, then the middle is the rational side (this can be quite hard to do) avoid anything that will put negative thoughts in your head for a while, this includes google, even switch cancer and illness adverts over. xx

leyash

08-05-2012 12:38 PM

Re: Anxiety attacks coming back.

I do this all the time. It's "well, if it's not THIS, then it must be THIS," and I just take the same symptoms, and transfer them over into another illness. It's a never ending possibility. Overall, I know that I am healthy. And I KNOW that this is anxiety, because when I try REALLY hard, I can calm myself down. If it were a REAL illness, breathing deep wouldn't help, know what I mean? It's just allowing that "rational" side of me to take over when I am in the middle of an attack that causes the most problems.

No, I do not have any therapy resources. No insurance, and not enough money to see a therapist on my own.

NatePanda

08-05-2012 03:39 PM

Re: Anxiety attacks coming back.

Ok, it's a shame America doesn't help people more who need it. I'm currently waiting to be referred to a Cognitive Therapist, it's a long waiting list but it's free. However if I want deeper therapy which my partner and I feel I need, my doctor won't refer me so I either need to seek a second opinion or change doctor which is hard to do.

See, I don't see irrational thoughts AS anxiety, it's connected but anxiety to me is the feelings you get, the physical feelings, irrational thoughts can create anxiety which obviously then becomes a cycle.

How can I help you? Do you just want to vent it out and have someone listen, should I give you my own experiences or offer advice? :) Is there any particular time you suffer with the thoughts (or are they worse at any time). Mine were worse around my period, I honestly felt like I was going crazy to the point I started skipping it by taking my contraceptive pills 3 months in a row (allowed to do), but I have stopped those worries and don't do that anymore so hopefully you'll get past it eventually. xxx

leyash

08-05-2012 03:53 PM

Re: Anxiety attacks coming back.

It's funny you should say that, because a few days ago, when I had the panic attack, was the same day I started my period (the 1st). I don't really need anyone to do anything about it, honestly. I just needed to vent. I am starting to feel a lot better today. My appetite is back, I am not trying to sleep all day. I've actually been up cleaning stuff up and everything today. So I am definitely getting back into my "groove." My health anxiety is all the time... but I don't have severe symptoms. Most of the time, it's just a generalized fear that consumes every thought. The panic attacks only happen about once a year or so, not often at all. But when they happen, they are bad. I am constantly stressed, and I really have to figure out a way to move past those stressors... and realize that life happens.