Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

(A customer comes in with a an 8 1/2″ circular saw blade and he wants to return it.)

Customer: “This blade isn’t going to work for me.”

Me: “Oh, do you want to go down and see what would work for you?”

Customer: “No, I just want to get my money back.”

Me: “Well, in that case, sir, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

Me: “Oh, let’s see if I can find you in the system.”

(Our system holds transactions for about three months. It is easy to find a customer if they paid with a card.)

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, sir. I am not able to find you in the system. When did you buy this saw blade?”

Customer: “I was in here yesterday!”

(The customer is getting a bit irritated.)

Me: “Do you have our [Business] rewards card, sir?”

Customer: “F***, no! Why would I have your s****-a** card?!”

Me: “In that case, sir, would you hold on a moment? It looks like I’ll need to get my manager because this is not in the system at all.”

(I call my manager over and he asks all the questions I already did. I notice something is off: we carry this particular brand but we only stock one at a time, which is what the computer says we have currently. Sure enough, when I got to the shelf, that particular blade is missing, I head back up to my manager and pull him aside.)

Me: *very quietly* “Sir, I have reason to believe that the customer is trying to return a stolen item.”

(The customer is getting quite fidgety and very annoyed.)

Manager:*to the customer* “Sir, I’m going to call the cops. Not only did you steal this, you tried to return it by getting what it was worth out of us as well. We have your face and license plate’s number on our cameras.”

(The man bolted out of the store and ran away leaving the saw blade on the counter. I got 100 bucks for catching a shoplifter!)

(A customer walks up to the till. I’m watching the conversation from the kitchen nearby.)

Customer:*to the cashier* “Could I speak to your manager, please?”

Manager:*hearing her* “What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I just came through the drive-thru a few minutes ago, and you forgot my two angus burgers.”

Manager: “I very much doubt that.”

(The manager points out the window, where the entire drive-thru and much of the parking lot have been torn up and blocked off for reconstruction. The sound of power tools can be heard even inside the restaurant.)

(I am cutting fabric for one customer, while another coworker is serving a man who has a basket full of stock. The man has the basket on a lower ledge attached the service counter and is putting items on the counter for scanning. I look up to see him put the last two items on the counter, and he then puts one item back in the basket.)

Coworker:*hands him the bag* “That will be [total], please.”

Me: “Sir, can you pass me the basket if you no longer need it, please?”

(The customer takes the item from the basket and drops it into the bag before passing the basket over.)

Me: “Sorry, can I check that item you just put in the bag? Did you buy it before or from somewhere else? If so I need to see a receipt.”

Customer: “She scanned it already.”

Me: “I don’t know whether she did or not. We’ll need to check it.”

Customer:*pulling the item out of bag and handing it to coworker* “It was scanned.”

Coworker:*to me* “How do I check?”

Me: “Just scan it; if it’s already been scanned it will show two in the quantity column.”

(My coworker scans it. The item is added to the bottom of the screen, the quantity clearly showing one.)

Coworker: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means it wasn’t scanned in the first place.”

(The customer pays and quickly leaves the store.)

Coworker: “How did you know it wasn’t scanned?”

Me: “I saw him put it on the counter and then immediately put it back in the basket. It’s why I asked him for the basket.”

(We sell console games in addition to groceries in a more-or-less rough part of town, and our policy is unopened games can be returned with a receipt within 14 days from purchase.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this game.”

Me:*checks seal on game* “Seal is in check, so I just need your receipt.”

Customer: “I’ve got no receipt. But I just want to exchange this for some groceries now.”

Me: “Sorry. Without a receipt I have to get authorization on these big ticket items from a manager.”

Customer: “It’s only a game. It’s not even that big.”

Me: “No, but the price tag is. It comes to almost $90, so I need a manager authorization.”

(My manager and I check the UPC in our system, and he sees that we received six copies of the game, and there is six on the shelf right now, and the system shows no sales since it arrived.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that game wasn’t bought at this store. Perhaps it was a different store you bought it at?”

Customer: “No, it was right here. I bet you it was the cashier just took my money and put it in her pocket when I left. Didn’t even scan it.”

Me: “Did you get a receipt?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I lost it.”

Me: “If you got a receipt, the cashier couldn’t have stolen your money. We received in six copies of this game, and there is six in our case. And we haven’t sold any at this location since it arrived.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want my money back. I just want groceries.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but without a receipt showing purchase from this location, I cannot give you any sort of refund or exchange.”

Customer: “I’ll be back later to get a refund on this, then. Bunch a thieves.”

Manager: *to me after he leaves* “What was the game called he was trying to get off with?”

(I work in an ammo store. I’m working a morning shift, unpacking some newly arrived freight with 3 other workers. We’d just received some highly in-demand ammunition, in bulk packages, which is limited to 1 per customer per day due to its popularity. It comes in 325 round boxes, which is good for 1 to 3 trips to the shooting range. An older customer, gray haired and in his 60s, comes in.)

Customer: “Hey, you have .22 ammo! Lemme get three boxes!”

Coworker: “Sorry, we have a limit of one box per customer.” *hand him one box*

Customer: “Oh, c’mon! No one cares. Just let me get three!”

Coworker: “Sorry, I can only give you the one.”

Customer: “What if I pay for this, leave, and come back?”

Coworker: “I couldn’t give you another.”

Customer: “You’re kidding me!”

Coworker: “Nope, sorry. Strict policy, because it sells so fast.”

(Customer walks away. After a few minutes, the guy who was behind the counter goes in the backroom to work there, and a suspiciously identical customer appears. He then speaks to a coworker who saw/heard none of the previous.)