Real Feelings.

FAQ’d by Shaq: Will Smith

For the sixth entry of FAQ’d by Shaq, Shaq MacNeil answers the most frequently asked questions about American royalty from West Philadelphia born and raised: Will Smith.

Shaq, who is Will Smith?

Great question.

Willard Smith (real name, no gimmicks), is an American actor, producer, rapper and songwriter.

He is known primarily for his winning smile, his “Ummm excuse me?”-eye brow raises and for having nearly 35 screen credits where he plays himself.

Shaq, why was Will Smith so mean to his cousin Alfonzo Ribeiro?

Great question.

Actually it’s ALFONSO Ribeiro. Common mistake.

Why is anyone mean to anyone? Deep rooted insecurities. It’s possible that Will was mean to his cousin Alfonzo simply because he was frightened by his new surroundings in Bel Air.

It’s worth noting that Will wasn’t just mean to his cousin. For five seasons, he terrorized the entire family with constant putdowns. If you watch the series again, I guarantee you’ll be appalled by Will’s incessant abuse of the family that has welcomed him into their home.

Much like an actual monarch, Fresh Prince Will Smith is an absolute monster.

Shaq, what about Will Smith’s music?

Great question.

It has aged poorly!

If you’re making a playlist for a birthday party, “Miami” and “Men In Black” have nostalgia and danceability ratings of 19 each.

So long as you don’t play “Wild Wild West”, your guests won’t vocalize their disgust. Playing “Wild Wild West” will motivate the entire birthday party to commit an arson on your home.

Ultimately, my expert advice with respect to Will Smith’s music is get jiggy with it at your own risk.

Shaq, is Will Smith a Scientologist?

Great question.

No!

He and wife Jada Pinkett-Smith are good Christians. But you don’t spend 30+ years in Hollywood without dabbling in Scientology.

They allegedly make sizeable donations to the church, but that’s probably to ensure any secrets they may have revealed during auditing sessions remain out of the tabloids.

Being blackmailed by David Miscavige doesn’t automatically make you a Scientologist, though it is a big part of being one.

Shaq, is Will Smith’s marriage to Jada Pinkett Smith a Hollywood-style sham marriage?

Great question.

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are secretly in the process of ending their marriage of 17 years, RadarOnline reported. “They’re exhausted from trying to maintain the façade of a happy union,” their anonymous source said.

“You’ve got to trust who you’re with. And at the end of the day, I’m not here to be anybody’s watcher. I’m not his watcher. He’s a grown man,” is how Jada Pinkett Smith addressed rumours of her husband’s infidelity on Howard Stern in June.

That doesn’t sound like she’s particularly interested in anything Will does, giving credence to the belief that their marriage was/is a Hollywood-style sham marriage.

This rumour is still hot off the presses so we’ll see how things shake out. But for now, let’s just move on because I don’t want to get roped into a defamation lawsuit.

Shaq, is Will Smith ashamed of his kids Willow and Jaden?

Great question.

Of course not!

What kind of father wouldn’t be proud of his children that have discovered a way to tap into the fourth dimension and control time? (That’s a real claim Jaden and Willow made).

So Shaq, what now?

Great question.

If you have a topic that you need FAQ’d by Shaq, please don’t hesitate to ask. Send your topics for FAQing to @TheNicessist or @ShaqMucReal on Twitter