Friday, July 27, 2012

I have applied for many jobs over the last few weeks and have had a few interviews. I still don't have a job. However, I have been keeping busy by volunteering at Cub Scout camps. I taught knots and leather work one week. Another week I was the archery range master. Next week I'll be range master again. All the camps in out council have a safari theme this year. So, for next weeks camp I wrote or modified some skits to fit the theme. Here they are.

The Old Explorers Club

Narrator:
Many years after their last Safari the old explorers sat in the padded leather
arm chairs of their London club house, trying to figure out the best way to
spell a word.

Old
Explorer 1: I think it’s w-o-o-m.

Old
Explorer 2: No, no I think it’s
more like w-h-o-o-m.

Waiter:
Freshen your drinks, sir?

Old
explorer 1: Oh, yes. Very good,
dear waiter. Very good.

(waiter
acts like he is pouring something into their glasses.)

Old
Explorer 3: I don’t know. I think
w-o-o-m sounds right.

Old
Explorer 4: I have to disagree
with you all. I am sure it is more
like h-w-o-o-m-h!

Waiter:
Pardon me, sirs, it is w-o-m-b, womb.

(Waiter
walks off. Explorers all look
surprised to have been corrected by the waiter.)

Old
Explorer 3: You know, chaps, I
don’t think that waiter has ever even been in an elephant’s wind. It’s WHOOM!!! (shout last word.)

Chickens!

Narrator: The Old Safari Guide leads two hunters into the
jungle.

(The three walk in
place, pretending to walk through jungle vegetation.)

1st Hunter: Are
there wild animals here?

Safari Guide: Yep.
Tigers. They’re bad.

2nd Hunter: Is
there anything else?

Safari Guide:
There’s wart hogs. Mean critters.

1st Hunter: Is
that all?

Safari Guide:
Nope. There’s black mombas and
gorillas and lions and …

(Suddenly, three Wolf Cub Scouts jump
out at the hunters and say…)

Cub Scouts: We are
wolves! Who are you?

Hunters: (together)
We’re chickens! (and they run away.)

The Jungle at Night

Narrator: The sun was setting over the river and
the jungle’s night time creatures were beginning to wake up.

Group 1
chants "Tomatoes" over & over again, real slow but loud enough to
hear.

Narrator: And more creatures joined the song.

Group 2
chants "Hot potato" over & over again real fast, (loud enough to
hear)

Narrator:
An explorer comes to the river and wonders aloud, “how deep is this water?”

Group 3
is chants "SO DEEP" in their deepest bass voices.

They all
keep this up for awhile and the Narraor says: "Ah, I love the sound of a
jungle at night."

Attack of the Zulus

Narrator:
Bob and Billy went on safairi in Botswana. When it came time to go to sleep,
they realized there was only one small tent. One of them would have to sleep
outside.

(Bob
and Billy start arguing silently with hand motions)

Narrator:
But after the feud, Billy got to sleep in the tent, and Bob slept on the cold,
hard, ground.

(Billy
pretends to get into a tent while Bob curls up on the ground).

Narrator:
All was fine until...THE ZULU SHOE THIEVES ATTACKED!!!

(Zulus
run up screaming and take Bob’s shoe and run away.)

Bob:
Billy Wake up! Wake up! The Zulus stole my shoe!

Billy:
Well there is nothing we can do about it now. I’ll help you find your shoe in the morning. Just go back to sleep.

Narrator:
So Billy and Bob went back to sleep.

(Bill
and Bob go back to sleep)

Narrator:
But no sooner than they had falled asleep under the star-lit African sky than
the ZULU SHOE THIEVES RETURNED!!!

(Zulus
come screaming to the tent and run off with Billy’s other shoe.)

Narrator:
And they absconded with Billy’s other shoe!

Billy:
Bob! Wake up! They came back and took my other shoe!

Bob: I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you sleep in the tent so they
won’t bother you any more.

Billy: Gee, thanks, Bob. That’s really good of you.

(Billy
and Bob trade places and go back to sleep.)

Narrator: But the ZULUS WERE NOT SLEEPING!!!

(Zulus
sneak up the tent.)

Zulu
Chief: Wait, we already got the
one on the outside. Now lets get
the one on the inside!

(Zulus
tear up the tent and chase Billy away.
Everyone screams and runs.)

Lion in the Camp

Narrator:
The great Cape Buffalo hunters and their safari guide came back to camp after a
long exhausting day of hunting. As
they were sitting by the fire enjoying a cup of tea the Safari Guide ran up to
them and said…

Porter:
Sir, here are your tennis shoes, but why?
Surely you can not run faster than the lion!

(all
other hunters laugh at hunter 4)

Hunter 4:
No, but I don’t have to. I only have to run faster than one of you!

Clean Water

Narrator:
The rivers in Africa are infested with the larvae of guinea worms so
health-conscious explorers always are careful about conserving water while on
safari. These scouts are now
going to demonstrate one way to conserve water while brushing your teeth on
safari.

Step 1.
all scouts start brushing teeth with finger.

Step 2.
Narrator fills cup with water, “accidentally” spilling some of it so the
audience sees that there is water in it.
Step 3. First scout pretends to take a drink, makes a big show of
rinsing mouth.

Step 4.
Pretend to transfer water to ear of next scout.

Step 5.
Second scout pretends to rinse mouth and then transfers water to ear of next
scout. Use as many scouts as there
are in the den.

Step 6.
Last scout, who has secretly had a mouth full of water the whole time, spits
the water out on the ground.

The Brave Wildlife Photographer

MC: Scouts, Parents, and Guests -
welcome. We have with us today a very special Cub Scout. Billy, please come up
here. This young wild life photographer has proven his bravery through trials
and challenges most of us would never dream of, let alone live through.

Billy
is afraid of nothing! He has canoed up the Orinoco River during the flood
season, camped out alone in the Sarengheti, and even kissed a girl once!

MC: I'm sure some of you probably
don't believe anyone could be so brave so I've rounded up some of the most
savage beasts that have ever walked the face of the earth. They will do their
best to scare Billy. Billy will
demonstrate his bravery for you.

MC: Here comes Hyena - a
blood-thirsty fiend from Kenya!

(Hyena
trots up to Billy and growls. Just as he is about to attack Billy….)

(Billy
smiles and shakes his hand.)

(Hyena
dejectedly sits down and whines.)

MC: And now, a savage Lion from
Tanzania - a ferocious beast of the night!

MC: As you can see, Billy is not
afraid of any of these murderous creatures, but treats all of them as friends

And, to
recognize Billy's bravery, our leader will now present him with a small
trophy. Good job, Billy!

(Billy
needs to keep looking out at the audience and smiling. As the leader gets close
to him and holds out the trophy, Billy turns from the audience to look at him.
Then with a terrified look on his face he runs away from the screaming. All the animals and MC also
run away yelling, screaming, as they leave the stage.)