If you’re like me, when you heard that the world would be ending this Saturday, your first thought was: but what music would be appropriate for the occasion? And, if I were to throw a party, what sort of songs might be on the playlist? Well, your musical worries are over. (Do feel free keep worrying about the Rapture, of course.) Our research teams here at Nine Kinds of Pie have conducted a comprehensive, cursory survey of music to celebrate/commemorate/lament the end. And we’re pleased to present the results in the following series of seven (yes, seven!) mixes featuring all of your End-of-Times favorites!

Sinners, this track’s for you! Or, you know, if you make the pronouns third-person, then it could also be for any of the saved who wish to pass judgment on those left behind. Title track from the final album to feature lead vocalist Bon Scott.

Because what would a rapture party be without Louis Farrakhan? Yes, you read that correctly. Before becoming a minister in the Nation of Islam, he was a calypso singer who performed under the name “Charmer.” Appears on The Best of Bob Dylan’s Theme Time Radio Hour vol. 2.

The first track on Horses, and one of the boldest opening lines to any song ever. So, if you enjoy blasphemy, this song’s for you! If not, well, then I suppose you can comfort yourself with the surety that Ms. Smith will not be among the elect.

“Well, I started as an altar boy, working at the church / Learning all my holy moves, doing some research / That led me to a cash box labeled ‘children’s fund.’ / I’d leave the change and tuck the bills inside my cummerbund.” From the album of the same name.

With a band name like “The Cute Lepers,” we might well assume that the group does not belong to the religious right, a sense which the lyrics confirm: “Headmasters, archbishops aren’t our best thinkers.” From Smart Accessories.

From Strange Angels, Anderson’s most accessible record, but also one of her best. Indeed, if you were to pick exactly two Laurie Anderson albums for your collection, you’d want to get this one and Big Science.

Aishwarya: You’re right. That would have been a great choice. So would Tom Lehrer’s “We’ll All Go Together When We Go,” Bruce Cockburn’s “Last Night of the World,” Emmylou Harris’s “Where Will I Be,” Tom Waits’ “Jesus Gonna Be Here,” and many others. In some cases (such as Lehrer), I simply overlooked the song. In other cases, I was focused on continuity. So, “Jesus Saves, I Spend” fits well at that point in the mix. And that’s why it’s there.

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