health

July 23, 2009

I sit here at the computer and it feels like I have a
mustache of scab.While I am
healing Mr Radish is sitting only on my good side.

Here are a few thoughts on my recent hospital adventures. At
a hospital you should always arrive by ambulance, because you get a room
faster. You could sit in the waiting room until tomorrow if you just walk in
the ER door.

I should give a bag of brownies to each EMT that has
transported me to a hospital.They have
been super! I have just used my seventh set. All of them have been men except
for one, and I really did not like her as well. She did not have a sense of
humor, but she was pregnant and very tired.In the rural areas the men are generally good looking. They arrive with
their baseball caps and smiles.Always
they are calm.The head guy is 40-52.
Always there is a newbie.The best
looking guy drives.

The first two times I had panic attacks and they thought I
was having a heart attack.The first
time I was in Montreal and I was
taken to the FrenchHospital.What I remember about that experience is that
I lay on my gurney in the hallway with other patients for hours and hours and
then I was shipped to McGillUniv.
hospital where I stayed in a ward with only men.One person was dying of hiccups.One man looked like Santa and his bed faced
me and his crotch showed a lot.That was
socialized medicine.

When you are really, really sick in an ambulance, you are
sooo happy to be there.You feel like
someone is in charge, which is all I ask. The ambulance rumbles along. The medics radio
back and forth to the ER doctor discussing vital signs, get your iv adjusted,
get the oxygen flowing. And of course, your room is waiting, and the techs are
at the ready. I think a heart attack is the only time a doc shows up in less
than 20 minutes.

I did not actually need an ambulance for this last trip with
my fall.But there is no emergency
treatment in town after 3:00 on
Sunday.My husband was 30 minutes
away.The EMTs were adamant that I have
a cat scan because of my blood thinners and internal bleeding concerns, and
they said that they thought I needed stitches to say nothing of having my
wounds washed. The men assured me that it was their pleasure to take me to the
hospital.They said that this was their
third fall today. No big deal.I said
that I did not want the government to shut off my health care because I was
over 70.If my husband came to get me
and took me to the hospital, maybe I would get health care brownie points. They
said, “Get in the truck”.

If someone calls me on this, I will deny I wrote this.On a Sundayafternoon, after the town doc in a box closes, and you are down, you
want to have some jokes, you want to see some youth with some positive
attitudes, and you can’t afford a restaurant where there are clever male
waiters, maybe you should think of calling 911.When the EMTs have their fund raiser this year in front of the local
grocery store, I am going to give big.