A lifetime's journey to be honest, open-minded and willing

Majlis Hari Raya AADK Pasir Mas

How convenient, and what great timing! I had promised to write something here since a couple of days ago but was/am facing a big problem – I’m dead tired. Fortunately, Mohd Zawi of the Pasir Mas: Land of the Golden Sand came to the rescue.

Yes, I do realise that I’m well due for another post – preferably the continuation of “The powder of joy” (the one before “Elviza’s”). Unfortunately, I have been caught up with a lot of things, with one thing coming after another. Among other things, I had spent most of yesterday writing a book review; which was immediately followed by the need to draft a work proposal email. Having done that, it was off to service the Cendana Blues: Addicted to Politics blog (replied a comment); plus lengthy comments at Mamasita Mamamia! and also at up-and-coming Demi Negara – a generally Malay Nationalist blog.

By the way, the frequency and length of my comments left at any political site should not necessarily be taken to mean that I support all or even any of their ideas. At Tun Mahathir’s blog, I leave comments for one practical reason – to try get more clicks to Cendana Blues (leaving provocative and intriguing ones are important). Anyway, write x-number of comments of y-length and soon you’ll be mentally and physically spent. But I must write a post for here!

Fortunately, a glance at the Inbox in Mozilla Thunderbird showed something great: an e-mail with attachments from Mohd Zawi! Well, the pictures are related to this blog – they were about a function I had attended last Sunday.[Note: All pictures here are by Mohd Zawi. He has another site: Life As I See It (LAISI). If you like “localised photo-journalism with a personal touch”, and have a connection better than dial-up or my GPRS, LAISI and Pasir Mas: Land of the Golden Sand are recommended. You might finally be inspired and motivated to make full use of your digital camera by starting your own blog along similar lines]

First of all, I must say this about Zawi – he’s heroic! And dedicated. I had told him about this majlis by SMS at Subuh. He said he’d attend, and take some pictures. However, a few moments after that, and unknown to me, he had a bout of high-blood pressure. I came to know about it a couple of hours later when he SMS, informing me that he was at the town’s clinic.

Well, I had hoped and expected that he would then go home and rest. I don’t know what it’s like but I could imagine “it must be bad”. Was so nervous about him being in that condition that I could not help sending a SMS to Elviza and Sherry about it.

However, since he had brought along his camera, he decided to stop at the district council’s hall first! I was nervous and felt guilty about it, for it was I who had informed him about this function. Well, it will indeed be a memorable AADK Raya function for me mostly because of Zawi. “THANKS, Bang Zawi!”

I’m not too well-versed when it comes to digital pictures. The pictures he sent are of 1024×681 and around 250KB each, with the camera model of “DSLR-A350”. He mentioned that pictures of a higher resolution are available, but I feel those he had sent are already good enough. BTW, after seeing Zawi in action with his camera – and the results – this thing of digital photography has become more fascinating to me. Among the attraction is the fact that one no longer needs to spend a bundle on negatives and processing; and you could send copies to as many people as you wish. Plus the ease in editing them (Using freeware IrfanView, with additional plugins).

CAPTION: AADK officers manning the registration desk outside the hall. I’ve not attended the activities since a few months ago since my supervision officer (Cik Azie) knows that I’m working, fully understands what I’m doing, and has afforded a lot of leniency towards it. This I’m thankful for. The Raya function, however, is compulsory – a major annual event. So, in due respect and appreciation to the AADK officers for their previous tolerance and encouragement, I certainly would not have missed it despite being genuinely busy.

One thing that struck me was the quite-high number of parents/family members who had attended this year. This is something the AADK stresses on – having the family’s support. From my (very) close involvement, observation and experience, this is a crucial matter. When it comes to the Pusat inmates, those who were without any support from their family or relatives would tend to relapse – maybe even on thefirst day of being released from the Pusat.

Anyway, as with similar functions, there was the almost mandatory “ceramah agama” (religious talk). When it comes to the Pasir Mas AADK (and “frequent” with Kuantan, which I have some experience at), it’s a staple and guaranteed to be part of the program. For this particular ceramah, I can’t seem to remember what it was about, unfortunately.

CAPTION: To protect others’ privacy, the more visible faces are pixelized. The AADK people are very particular about this, and I appreciate their being sensitive. BTW I’m the one behind the guy in red-and-yellow t-shirt; the one looking down. No, it’s not “camera-shy” – I was exchanging SMS messages with someone who was attending a course in KL (must have been dull too). In fact, I wasn’t even aware that Mohd Zawi was there!

The guy on the left in white – “PG Naga” (tattoo of a dragon) – Was once charged under section 39B, which was later amended to 39A (1) and got `only’ something like three years, three strokes in the late 90’s. He’s someone I have known from the Pengkalan Chepa prison; and my junior by eight months at Gambang when I was already a high-ranking “Pengawas”.

Would often call me from his fenced-in “Orientasi A” hostel (where he has the most friends), appealing for some tobacco (illegal), knowing full well that a Pengawas would most probably have some extra tobacco to spare:“Cxxxx, habuk ado ko sikit, buwi ko kita…? Buleh sbalut LIMA oghe isap takpo doh…”(“Cxxxx, can you give me a bit of tobacco, please?…just enough for FIVE of us to smoke”. And I would ALWAYS oblige. Even when I didn’t have any (rarely), I’d go to my Cendana hostel in front and get a pinch of it (for TWO only) from someone. These things… the grateful receivers appreciate and remember “their saviours” long after they’re discharged.

Another interesting thing concerning Zawi that day: The district chief AADK officer Puan Rahimah Awang Lah, on seeing “a SLR camera-totting stranger with a hiker bag”, had called me to inquire about this. “Oghe suratkhobar ko?” (Is he with a newspaper?) My answer was truthful: “Bukae suratkhobar… Nulih blog hal Pasir Mah dengae Kelate hok paling sohor skali”. (Not a newspaper, but writing the best-known blog about Pasir Mas and Kelantan) And yesterday, Zawi was at the Bank Rakyat Raya Open House – and had written about it here. So I’d say the description was accurate enough…

28 thoughts on “Majlis Hari Raya AADK Pasir Mas”

I guess by now you know why there’s a two months lapse on My Journey To Recovery coz I noticed you were wondering about it The keyword is busy busy busy, lol!

Anyway, Selamat Hari ‘Aidil Fitri. Seem to me that you’re having a ball during these hari raya. Good for you. We deserve the good things life could offer us too. I hope you don’t mind coz I’ve been naming you as a role model to some of my closest friends that we can be somebody as long as we’re free from drugs or any addictions.

I’ve been meaning to ask you. It seemed that you’re using WordWeb. Would you like using WordWeb Pro? Write to me. I’m sure you’ll make good use of it. Hehehe, don’t get me wrong, let just call it an addict helping another addict sort of thing (just like PG Naga and his habuk).

Sori FT, nak tumpang sekaki gak hehehe. BTW, read your comments. Thanks but I gotta make it short. Mother-in-law just gave the order. So, I gotta don on my bush-cutter gears and be her most obedient son-in-law to her beck and call (that’s a compliments, no pun intended, lol!).

I see you tonight and I shall give you the license no for your own personal use. See ya.

@Puteri Kamaliah
Thanks for coming, Puteri Kama.
These “could haves”… They are a sad part of one’s life; like the “If only I had…” The only thing they’d often bring about is regret, remorse and dejection – things that I try to avoid nowadays.

It’s fortunate that I’m now in constant contact with a remarkable couple in Kuantan. In addition to the more-than-proven David R in Seoul, they have been playing a major part in getting me to look forward. Their positive and optimistic, yet practical and realistic outlook of life and their consistency have made a big impact on me.

Things are happening, and I’ll keep everyone informed about these from time to time. These “things” include painful events too, unfortunately. However, I’m trying to prevent them from getting to me by bracketing them within proper perspective – focusing on “what I can do now” rather than “I should not have done that” … past events and incidents that I can’t ever recall to make right.

But there are pleasant and gratifying things going on too, and I immediately focus on them (and feeling “bersyukur”) whenever I get depressed, bitter and resentful thinking about the above. And one of them came about through you, and also through your son. THANK YOU, both of you.

Mat Cendana,
Alamak! Such accolades can only make my blood pressure go higher. Just say thank you and I will be happy enough for the small effort that I put in to get you some pictures. After all that is what friends are for.

@ArahMan7
I’m getting a bit confused here – Are you and Puteri Kamaliah both from Negeri Sembilan? So Kuala Kangsar is not your original hometown then? And Puteri Kama – Is it Pak Abu who is actually from there?

@mohdzawi
“Thank you”, plus truthfully write about what was important during that particular majlis– this is what my post here is about. Now that I’ve mentioned it, I’m also struck by this: “How things work out in life”.

One of the main reasons why the AADK had organised that function was “to help inculcate some religious teachings among those attending”. And a host of other noble objectives, of course (BTW I have only kind words for the AADK people whom I’m familiar with, in Pasir Mas and Kuantan, for I know the sincerity of many of the officers in these two districts)

For me, Mohd Zawi became the star and the single most memorable person arising from that function. It’s unfortunate for me that the ceramah did not leave much (or maybe “any”) impact on me. And since I try “to write as I honestly feel” (if it does not harm or hurt others) here (not necessarily so at Cendana Blues though), your part should be rightly mentioned.

Confuse? Nah! Anyway, here’s the short version. I’m 101% Negerian. Born and raise in Longgeng (that’s how we pronounce it) but in text book it is Lenggeng. Fate has it that I married a Sayong (just a couple of Km from Kuala Kangsar) demoiselle and I’ve been staying in Kuale Kangsor ever since.

i was an addict for 14 years and now i am sober after i lost everything.But it should not happen to others who are addicted.I have a blog people like or not i don’t know but i am going to help them from addiction.

@Malaysian Tigress
Thanks for dropping by, and in leaving a comment. I’m repeating a quote I had found at the blog of “my fellow traveller”, ArahMan7: “Leaving a comment on someone’s blog is like giving them a gift.”

Okay, since it makes you uncomfortable, I’ve moved it to the plain “Malaysians” instead (I’ll think of something more imaginative than that bland term).

For you folks here who are wondering what this is all about, it’s concerning a post she had made at one of her blogs titled “Decisions”.

It’s something very brave of her, to reveal a very personal aspect of her life. And the honesty of her feelings shines through; which was why I had felt like being struck by a sledgehammer when I saw it last night.

Yes, I suppose I’ll have to tell you something about it since it would not be fair to leave you wondering. But I can’t do it right now – maybe “later” (yes, I know it’s vague)… I’ll reply at your blog, Insyaallah, “when my emotional balance is right”. Take good care of yourself.

P/S: The email address “sounds familiar” … I had read this name before – Was it your previous handle at the blogs?

Ado wareh den among your commenters here whom I find most intriguing. It’s that dude masquerading as a orang kole when he and I know our humble roots lies way south in a place where it’s called Langgiang in the native tongue. Am I gonna deface his blog soon? You betcha. See? I’m already beginning to talk like Palin… :)

Reason I got issues with purveyors of the hard stuff there concerns a legacy that is passed on to Mother, God bless her. As the oldest, and becoming of a dutiful filial son, it thus fell upon me to maintain the dilapidated house. It’s suppose to be mine and my siblings down the line anyway…

But each time (every few months or so) I go there it is always broken into and I’m confronted by the dizzying array of paraphernalia ranging from hypodermics to burnt cigarette foils scattered on the floor. The only thing I didn’t find is prophylactics. So I suspect the suspects are overwhelmingly male and also wareh den – but in this case I should disown them of the wareh den tag, eh? The neighbor’s rumah usang was burnt down to the ground recently and no need to speculate who the perps are. I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before my mothers house suffers the same fate. Perhaps you can give me an insight on this, Sir? I’m really at my wits end here. Anyway, thanks to ArahMan7 – possibly my third or fourth cousin thrice removed or my twin of different mothers – who opened the floodgates by pointing me my roots and got me to thinking about this problem.

Bro’… getting love this site more and the wonderful comments it generated. I think you’re on to something here.

And yes, having personally met bung Zawi, he is without a shadow of doubt ‘blogger tersohor Klate’ and a real fine Gentleman, The other being sheih, of course. And you too are getting there bro, and I’ll be rooting for you doncha worry. Take care.

Gambang, Temerloh, Lenggeng and the swamps too … you sure are someone who has “been there, done that”, bro.

You know, after reading your comment, I find myself in this rather strange situation – I share your anger, frustration and exasperation, while being aware that, in a former life, “I was one of the people” who have been using your mother’s previous house as a “port”. The reply here should be a good time to mention this one, about my “habits” then.

I too had used abandoned houses before as a port. But that was rarely done. I’m the type who got extremely nervous and jumpy being in that kind of place called “port” for longer than necessary – a place where drug users meet to buy, sell and consume.

Usually, these places (including under bridges, bushes and alleys) are known to the police (unless they are very new); and once every often, they’d come to one and pick everyone up – those in and around. They’d do a “pukat” (netting) too – wait inside for an hour or so and just detain everyone who walks in. That’s why I find it quite surprising as to how many users could have the “bravery” to consume drugs there and then hang around for hours…

As you have mentioned, I reluctantly agree that it might be just a matter of time before it’s burnt down. This could happen by accident. Or by design. You see, there are many similarities between addicts; but yet there are differences too.

An example is – Some are criminally-inclined and also violent, but many aren’t. Some do have enough “care and thought” for others in society while others don’t give a damn; and even go out of their way to show it … to “make a statement” (whatever it is). And this last one is what I’m concerned with regarding that house.

There might come a day when this kind, due to some frustration or whatever, or maybe in desiring some form of excitement, decides to… I hope it won’t happen. However, I feel I should be responsible here and enlighten you folks about some things, for this is one of my intentions when starting this blog.

People that include me, ArahMan7 and those from the Fallen Leaves Theatre Company above “have been around”, in seeing “the other side and more” plus “normal society”, and these are what I, he and they are trying to do now – among other things.

For brader Mat Salo here, I feel the most practical thing right now is to get someone to live there – can it be rented out? “Cheaply” or even “free” should be considered given the current situation and possibilities. This would be the best solution. Hmm, why not let me stay there? Heheh!

Well, the other is this one: I don’t like to mention this one, for I’d feel like “betraying”. On the other hand, I also wish to be “a part of society”, and that means “being responsible”. You’ll have to make an issue of it – Tell it to the village JKK, or the mukim’s police. A raid or two would get the message out – that the house is “panas”, and discourage the users from returning.

On the other hand, should nothing be done, it will continue being a cosy place to “lepas gian” and “lepak”; disrepectful of the owners and the memories the house holds. And one day, some idiot might decide to have “a memorable thrill” with a 50-sen lighter…

Bro’ best reply to a comment I’ve ever had – it deserves its own post!

Thanks for the suggestions. As to the JKK and polih, dah try – hampeh. Because the whole village is almost ‘abandoned’ (orang tua dah takde, anak2 lari ke bandar) so nobody cares. Even the polih. Nak cari orang duduk free pun susah. Frankly I’m thinking to kompol duit together with my siblings to break the original house down and build a smaller teratak from the ground up. Sort of a weekend home.. but make sure every weekend somebody will be there. Ini pun pipe dream. But everything starts with a dream, right?

Bro’, you have been to that very dark place that 99% of us can probably only get a glimpse of. Can I suggest you put this all in book form because nothing beats first-hand experience. Your witty narrative deserves a much wider audience. I seriously think there’s a ready a market. You’ve got the requisite CV already having written for The Star (brilliant serialization!) so publishers WILL take you seriously. Alternatively there’s some things on the ‘net I read about publishing it yourself. Dunno what kind of money you have to put up front but some child writers seemed to have made a success out of it…

As per your problemo, I really would very much to answer it, but my dear Fellow Traveler has answered it in details. Like Mat Cendana, I was one of the Gentlemen Junkie much to the dislike of the kaunsellors in Pusat Serenti Perlop when I told them who I was. They said, there’s no such thing as Gentlemen Junkie?

@Mat Salo
Shouldn’t mention anything remotely about politics but one part there is too tempting – about the village becoming deserted. This puts to rest that misleading lie about “people from Kelantan migrating due to the PAS government and the lack of economic activities”. In this case, that village you mentioned is in a solid BN state…

But enough of politics, which I try my very best not to mention here.

I’m also attracted to that mentioning of “pipe dream”. It refers to “the opium pipe”, if I’m not mistaken. And the person who coined it might have had some experience of it, to be able to come up with something so lasting due to its accuracy. Or/And most likely, it might have something to do with that English writer (can’t remember his name), who had written Confessions of an English Opium Eater or something like that.

[Had checked that excellent Project Gutenberg. The title is correct, and it’s by Thomas De Quincey who died in 1859. The book can be downloaded here. But take note that the writing is “old style”, which some might not want to tolerate:-) I had read it some years ago – downloaded it to a diskette and reading it at home, as I had previously done before finally getting an Internet connection]

Opium – this is the basic ingredient from which the more potent morphine and heroin are made. It’s often associated with “old Chinese men”, either locally or in China (everyone would know a bit about the Opium Wars, I’m sure).

I’ve had some experience of this one too, and its effects on the self are no less than that of heroin or morphine. But what I really want to mention is this “pipe dream” – these drugs, they’d give such dreams; of doing this and that. Yes, it’s good to have dreams, but NOT of those that were drug induced. That’s because the moment the effects wear off, these dreams vanish…

In your case, I wouldn’t say it’s a “pipe dream”. It’s true that nothing might come of it, but to me that’s okay – they are the dreams and plans of someone not under the influence of any substance. As such, they are valid dreams. And what would we and the world be like if we don’t dare to even dream?

Mat, THANKS for your kind words; and especially in your having faith in my ability to write. From what I know through your writings here, at your blogs and from your comments elsewhere, you are the kind who mean what you say. “Blunt”, some might say, which is not necessarily good or bad in itself. But one thing that i appreciate and marvel at is you being honest, sincere and TRUTHFUL. And having you say these has given me an instant uplift and a boost in confidence.

I’ve been getting “enough” “significant people” suggesting this one about writing a book that I’m giving it serious thought. Previously, I would have laughed it off; thinking “Who would want to publish or read a book by a recovering drug addict?!…addiction is so common, and you would see addicts everywhere. In fact, many of them have `better stories’ to write about and tell – more times in pusat, in prison and in lockup…had used more drugs and done more things than I had too.”

But then, did they write? I mean the Malaysian ones? May have, but I don’t know about it. And, after reading ArahMan7’s blog (have not finished yet), I’m also struck by this fact: Despite many similarities, the “individual stories” are different – each is his own story.

So yes, Mat; I’ll seriously try to. I certainly don’t have the financial means to go about it to self-publish, that’s for sure. But I feel that should be secondary – the more important thing, perhaps, is to “get something out in tangible form” first. The rest will follow, if it is so fated.

But right now, I’m putting all efforts towards “daily survival” – creating a job for myself. I’m happy to mention here that “something tangible” happened today – a book review I wrote came out in Sunday Star under Ha ha … US elections. Hopefully, this will be a start to AHMAD CENDANA and the eventual book that Mat Salo has mentioned here.

P/S: If you folks are wondering why I can’t write posts here more often, perhaps it’s because of writing replies of this kind and length:-)

@areps
This is one regret in my life right now – of not being able to meet you when there was the chance. I can understand how busy you were when you had only so much time recently before rushing to KL and then to UK.

But it was that one during Raya – had I known much earlier that you’d be in Kota Bharu, I would have put in more effort. Well, I’ll just have to wait for “next time” then. Until then, Good Luck and keep in touch here and with regular postings at your blog. This is one good thing about blogs and the Internet…

@kak teh
There’s no need to be sorry for not coming here earlier, seriously. You don’t have to worry about timing with blogs like this – any time is a good-enough time since the posts here aren’t “news” that would go “basi” when you’re late.

SAHC must have been a very memorable place for you. And you were there for only two years. Yes, there’s something about these old schools – they have this “character” and “tradition”. But I think the more important thing is perhaps the “relationships” – these are what that keep tugging at that heartstrings; not mere buildings by themselves.

Attitudes”We can also use the steps to improve our attitudes.”Basic Text, p. 53Ever have a day when everything seems to be working against you? Do you go through periods when you are so busy taking pe……