When you are made redundant, you can become a kind of public property. Because your redundancy was most likely announced to the company or organisation at large, a lot of people think they now what is going on for you, and feel the right to talk about you and your job role in a way they might not of before. This can feel really weird.

Some people seem very keen to offer advice. Even though well intentioned, this tends to make them feel better rather than you. Here are some things you will probably need to get used to people saying. Try not to throttle them.

What they say: It's not personalWhat you hear: You shouldn't be upsetWhy it's not a great thing to say: Being made redundant is personal. Yes, it's true it is probably the role that the organisation doesn't need anymore rather than a personal slight on you, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt YOU. You feel your work is seen as unimportant, things that you've worked on, worried about, stayed late to finish, put your heart and soul into....now seem to be worthless. Even more importantly, it IS personal because it is really going to effect you; your self-esteem, confidence, view of the world, home life and financial security. Life is going to change, and it scares and upsets you. How is that not personal?

What they say: Everything happens for a reasonWhat you hear: Your current pain is a good thing/you might be to blame for thisWhy it's not a great thing to say: Let's face it, it's kind of a smug thing to say. It alludes to a kind of overall plan that, in all probability, means very little to the person in pain right now. It's also another 'shut down' saying; don't complain because your suffering is necessary and you'll be glad it happened in the end. It can encourage people to blame themselves; that they are the reason this has happened.

What they say: When one door shuts, another one opens...What you hear: Hurry up and find a jobWhy it's not a great thing to say: Not only is this one smug, it's a 'hurry up and move on' saying. Finding a new job when you've had a huge knock to the old self-esteem is tricky; making big decisions when you've been traumatised is down right risky. Don't encourage them to do it with this throw away saying.

If you are tempted to say these things to someone...Have a think about what your intentions are, because these are all 'shut down' statements. They stop someone expressing how they feel, because you've kind of told them they aren't allowed to. Do you find it hard to be with someone who is upset or angry? In our culture, that's really common, but I would encourage you to be brave. If you don't feel comfortable taking to them about their feelings, why not pick a project you worked on with them and thought went really well. They probably feel really low at the moment, so tell them why you thought they were awesome at it. Stay away from telling them how they ought to feel; listen to how they are actually feeling.