a little bit about a lot or, more likely, a lot about nothing

Say Yay for the Good Days

Today has been a really good day. Most of my days are good days and If I sound smug maybe I am, just a teeny bit. Can you have cancer AND be smug? Haha. I am not sure.

But, you know, the last lot of chemo wiped me out and made me feel properly down for the first time in ages and although it only lasted a day or two it was still shitty. Now I am on my ‘rest’ week before the next dose and I feel great. I took the kids to school, met girlfriends for coffee and a long chat, went home and had two more girlfriends come visit and we chatted and drank for a couple of hours more AND – get this -none of these conversations were about cancer OR illness! Then this afternoon we met friends for a drink while the kids all ran around for a couple of hours, followed by pizza for dinner. Boring? No. NORMAL. Not exciting in the slightest but so deliciously normal. Excitement is not a feature of my life at the best of times. What I love so much about where I live is the calm, so-chilled-it-is-practically-horizontal pace of life. It would be some people’s worst nightmare but for me it is heaven. Today was just a normal day. I barely thought about treatments, or feeling unwell, or tired, it all just felt okay.

I am so grateful for my life. When I got my diagnosis, before we knew how bad it was, when we were still waiting to know if it had spread anywhere else, I had this overwhelming feeling that it was okay. That if the life laid out for me had to go this way I can be okay with it. Because this life has also brought me my husband and my beautiful boys who are my everything. My life has been so blessed and if all that has gone before is linked to that which comes after then I accept that deal. I accept it time and time again because if the alternative was a life without my husband, my boys, all my memories, but not to go through this, I wouldn’t want it. I will take what I have and I take it gladly, it is all part of the same journey and I am still sharing it with those I love above all.