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Are you a control freak?

Everybody knows a control freak. That boyfriend who’s so free with unsolicited advice and thinks he knows best for you; that co-worker who feels that she just has to “help” when none is required; your mom who insists on teaching you how to drive from the back seat when she doesn’t know how to drive herself; that boss who feels the need to micromanage everything and look into every aspect of the business even when he’s got competent people to do it for him… Heck, some people have accused you of being one too, especially during the times when you scream blue murder because your precious schedule has been disrupted!

While many of us are capable of displaying controlling behaviour at sometime or the other, it becomes a matter for concern when the term “control freak” is used not to define someone with an irritating personality quirk but an unpleasant person whose need for control over people and the environment borders on the extreme.

Warning signsAccording to Dr Sameer Malhotra, Head, Psychitary and Psychotherapy, Max Healthcare, in medical terms, control freaks are people who suffer from an Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (not to be confused with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that manifests in repetitive thoughts and behaviours.).

Also called Anankastic Personality Disorder, this condition is characterised by extreme perfectionism and a need to control the environment. “People who offer from OCPD are often anxious, distressed and unhappy when they find that they are unable to control everything. They tend to be very critical of themselves and others. They are perfectionists and very high expectations of themselves and others,” he says. “There are three important signs that indicate that a person may be suffering from OCPD: Rigidity, distress and dysfunction,” he adds.

Monica Chawla*, editor, 35, knows what it feels like to be trapped in a world where there is no scope for error and no escape from routine. “People have always ribbed me for being a control freak. You know, how I need to know every detail of every story that is going into my website, right down to the experts that will be used; the need to know where my subordinates are and what they are doing every minute of the day; the need to stick to a schedule even if the city is being wrecked by serial bomb blasts…”

However, while Monica’s rigid perfectionism and attention to detail was lauded at the workplace, her controlling behaviour was causing havoc in her relationships. “My boyfriends have always complained that I am a control freak, but I thought they were just kidding. However, recently, when my live-in partner, a guy I really loved, left me because he couldn’t take my controlling behaviour anymore, I knew I needed to get help.” Monica’s ex boyfriend’s long list of complaints ranging from wanting to change him, to running his life, to the constant constructive criticism, to always wanting to have the final word, set her thinking that perhaps, she was not the kind, helpful person that she thought she was.

The way outIf you do find that your need for control could actually be a sign that you have OCPD, you need to get treatment fast. Not just because it could ruin your chances to build relationships and find happiness, but also because it hints at some deep-seated anxiety within you that seeks order and control over the environment. OCPD can have a negative impact on all domains of one’s life.

“There are a lot of reasons that could cause OCPD. For one, it could be caused by low serotonin levels. Second, the environment in which one grew up is also a very important factor. Children who have been brought up in unstable, chaotic environments grow up to be anxious individuals who seek order and normalcy by attempting to control people and the environment. Stress in the developmental years can be very harmful in the long run. There is also the factor of genetic inheritance that has to be taken into account,” says Dr Malhotra.

Treatment for OCPD includes fulfilling the serotonin deficiency through medication; cognitive behaviour therapy, where the patients are counselled with CBT techniques to minimize negative thoughts and understand that it’s okay to err and not be a perfectionist; and family support.