Being the experienced car buyer that I am, let me refrase that.....Beings I always get screwed buying a vehicle, Dustin put his trust in me on what to look out for buying a car so he asked me to spend a day with him to go see what's out there. He scraped and saved and ate a lot of Top Ramen to purchase his very own vehicle, which I commend him on. Driving that big ass party van made him feel creepy driving past grade schools, so it was time to shit or get off the pot.

The game plan was to head to the dealership in Kent first. Nothing. From there we went to Issaqua. Saw one truck in his price range, piece of junk. Went to some car lot in Lynnwood. Found one. A nice 2007 F-150 4 door. It looked to be in pretty good shape so the salesman had us test drive it. It drove ok and ran good, but then we noticed it had 170 thousand miles on it. WHAT?? God damn man, my 1988 only has 200 thousand on it and I drive it everyday. How the fuck can somebody put that many miles on a 2007 unless they're making drug runs accross the border from Mexico?

Other than the salesman telling us all about the liner under the hood that melts off if there's an engine fire, it was a nice truck. So we decided to go start the paperwork to see what kind of deal we could make. The office was typical house trailer on blocks. I guess in case they fuck over the wrong person they can hook up and go at a moments notice. We sit down and I look around and notice this place is swarming with Mexicans. Could that truck REALLY have been used for.........Na, I hope. Don't get me wrong, Latinas' are hot, it just made me wonder what's going on here.

So Dustin told them he wants to keep the payments around $200. He said how about $250? No $200. Oh $250? NO! $200! Well just fill this paperwork out and I'll go talk to the "boss". Haha, isn't THAT a new one? So he comes back and says $225. Ok, that's stretching it, but doable. As I'm sitting there watching Dustin fill out all this bullshit that I never understood either, I told the guy I just didn't feel comfortable spending that much money on a truck that had that many miles on it. I know I just popped Dustins' balloon, but I don't want to see him get fucked like I always do. So I told the guy to knock a thousand off the price and I'd feel better about it. So he goes back to talk to his "boss" again, comes back and mumbled something and said they can't finance Dustin for that much money anyway. Well FUCK! Why didn't he tell us that before Dustin fucked around with that stupid application.

So now we finally get to see the "boss". Have you ever seen movies with car salesman? This guy was no actor, he was the real deal. This city-slicken, sharp tounged proffessional bullshitter had all the right moves and words, but I'd seen too many of those movies so I already knew this was a bad plan. He procceeded to inform us that he had the truck for us and said follow me, with a shit eatin grin on his face. He said "you will not leave here today without me putting you in a nice truck" Oh how nice of him. The truck he took us too was uh, beat to shit. It was all dented up, looked like it had been driven off road with all the scrape marks from front to back, had big ugly tires on it and the gas cap cover was broke. After pointing all this out to him he says, "we'll put stock wheels and tires on it for you and those scratches will buff out just fine, here's the keys, drive it". Relucktingly we did, that thing rode like it was still off-road and ran like shit. Bringing it back he had his personnal grease monkey find out why the check engine light was on. He didn't want to tell the "boss" what he found in front of us so they kind of snuck off. He comes back and says "it's just a bad coil wire, we'll fix it, no problem". Guess what, it's a piece of shit, no thank you! So Dustin and I snuck out of there before he could flatter us with more bullshit.

There was one more place I decided to pull into, Harris Ford dealer. They had just got one in and hadn't had time to clean it up, but the salesman took us to see it. From what we could tell under all the dirt, it looked pretty decent, and only had 90 thousand miles on it. Bought it. For the same price that other douchbag wanted for the high miler. Came back in a few days to pick it up and couldn't even recognize it as the same truck. We got lucky I guess, something I'm not used to.

At least we don't have to stock up on butt balm this time. Fuck ya'll...

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