Monday, September 26, 2016

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

You may have noted a lack of entries is this Journal or Log. I have of course been pursuing my banking business and, as always, have several Schemes for my Further Enrichment percolating at various tempos, leaving little time for these missives.

As you no doubt recall, at the recommendation of my nephew Dick Dastardly, I was investigating the opportunity to return to my First Profession, acting, via the medium of the American Moving Pictures industry. After sending my Loyal Servant Homer off to New Jersey, negotiations were entered into which resulted in an agreement to appear in a film.

Wish me luck, loyal readers. As time avails, i will update here with a log of my experiences.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

I have been asked on recent occasion my thoughts on the American Presidential Race. I generally try to avoid politics of all sorts, nothing good has ever come from it. Even more, I refrain from comment on affaires Americaines. It is their country, and if Americans want to alternatively bless it or ruin it, it is certainly little business of mine.

I received a pleasant visit from a friend who runs one of those advanced calculating systems. He shared this with me. He tells me it is very funny, a parody on fellow workers who demand unmerited authority. I don't quite get the technology, but we all know the arrogant striver who wants more authority than he has demonstrated he can handle.

Jessep:You want access?

Kaffee: I think I'm entitled to it.

Jessep: You want access?

Kaffee:I want root!

Jessep: You can't handle root!

Son, we live in a world
that has policies. And those policies have to be guarded by men with root.
Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than
you can possibly fathom. You weep for access and you curse the Admins. You have
that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that your
inability to do what you want, while tragic, probably prevented a crash. And my
existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves systems...You
don't want root. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties,
you want me restricting you. You need me to restrict you.

We use words like availability, performance, service
level...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something.
You use 'em as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to
explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very system
stability I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd
rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you
put your ass on the line and stand a shift on-call, explaining to 10,000 users
why the system is down. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're
entitled to!

Monday, January 18, 2016

Few realize that, although I am a Proud Citizen of the Great White North, I was born and spent my earliest years in the United States. I was born in an inn in Southern New Jersey and spent my first two school years on the Island of Manhattan.

Which gives me some license I think, to comment on Matters American. And while I do not follow the politics of the Southern Colossus, I must say that the American Presidential Candidate Ted Cruz bears an amazing resemblance to a Gentleman of my acquaintance. I refer of course to the famous nightclub entertainer and raconteur Johnny Fiama.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Dear Uncle SnidelyI have a serious problem. I can't seem to impress or inspire the affection of any of the young ladies I meet. My life is rapidly become a lonely struggle against despair. I see that you never seem to lack for feminine company. Please teach me how can I win with the ladies.Ladyless Loser

Thursday, January 14, 2016

I had an unexpected visit from my Nephew Richard yesterday. For those who do not know him, Dick is quite active in the racing business. He was on a long-form race Over The Pole in one of those amazing Zeppelin craft one sees in the Newsreels. It's remarkable what can be done these days. Unfortunately, one of his Unscrupulous Competitors nobbled his Noble Craft, bringing it down almost in my backyard in Alberta. When I told him he was free to Drop In anytime he was in the neighborhood, I did not expect to be taken so literally! Fortunately he avoided Serious Injury.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

There has been much talk lately, not merely here in Canada, where any Silly Idea can gain currency, but even in that Bastion of Sense, England, of allowing women to vote. It is perhaps superfluous to enumerate the reasons such a move would be Folly, but it is a Fact Proven by Extensive Experience that one cannot rest on the expectation that the Common Man will see such things with Reason and clarity.

The Reason advanced for so-called "Female Suffrage" is that Women deserve to have a Voice in the Decisions made which affect them as much as they affect Men. To which I can only reply "Balderdash!" The purpose of a government is to protect the Peace, Prosperity, and Comity of the Nation, not to give a voice to all. And frankly, women's voices are annoying.

About Me

I started in Vaudeville as an actor and comedian, achieving moderate success. One day I was left stranded in Northern Alberta when my manger absconded with all of the funds as well as my train ticket. I was forced into a life of crime, which I quickly found found paid better and was better for meeting girls than acting. The rest is history