Monthly Archives: December 2013

To the Tavistock room at the Bedford pub to rehearse The Misanthrope, Southside Players’ latest, directed by darling little Emma Burford. I was so excited about the thought of dancing practice with Alceste and THE Jennifer, I actually gave a half-way favourable review to the latest yawn-fest at the Barbican. Can’t remember the name of that one – I leave details like that to the girl who does the sub-editing.

And you’ve no idea how dreary it is being a theatre critic when you can’t stand watching plays. I mean, they’re all so long! And leg-room in West End theatres – forget about it! Do you have any idea how many David Hares I’ve had to sit through?

And anyway I’m working on a play myself. The dialogue is brilliant of course, but you have no idea how difficult it is to think up names for characters! But I’ve solved that one – I got my PA to cut first and second names out of the Daily Mail, then put them in a bag and we had a kind of jolly little raffle! I don’t see why I can’t have a heroine called Nigella Mandela – give it a bit of a contemporary edge.

So there I am at this dancing lark and showing them all how it’s done etc – I do consider myself a renaissance man whose talent spreads across all the arts. Apart from when I fell over. It took me quite a bit of pushing and shoving to get myself actually dancing with THE Jennifer, but I got there in the end. And nobody took a photo! And it never occurred to me to get a selfie!

And what with all the spinning around and everyone moving and whatnot she disappeared before I could ask for her number! Why do all these girls play so hard to get?