Wednesday, September 27, 2006

It has been determined that voting for Martin O'Malley may be hazardous to your health. Preliminary studies have shown that voting for O'Malley has the potential for causing indigestion, gastrointestinal discomfort, rectal irritation, dizziness, mild forms of skin rashes, shortness of breath, muscle cramping, long periods of insomnia followed by short periods of lethargy, sore throat, premature baldness, fungal infections under your big toe nail, joint pain, itchy nose, watery eyes, chapped lips, and hernias.

In rare cases, the letter W will stick on your keyboard, puppy abuse (especially to Michael Steele's puppy), disorder in our juvenile justice system, corruption in our local level government offices, bruised elbows, back stabbings, guitar performances by drunk mayors (I've seen that photo!), smelly ice cubes, green spots on old Bologna, and accountability will be removed from our teachers.

A study by a very important organization shows that his policies are high in fat, cholesterol, rhetoric, polysorbate acid, trans-fats, and most are sugar coated. My followers have found that it looks and tastes good at first, but several bites into it, they find that it becomes sour and distasteful and has an awkward texture.

Consumers are warned to avoid voting for O'Malley at all costs. You have been warned.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

On May 27, 2004, illegal aliens Policarpio Espinoza and Adan Canela sliced the throats of their young family members, Lucero Espinoza 8, Ricardo Espinoza 9, and Alexis Espejo Quezeda 10. They children were found nearly decapitated. Their blood was everywhere. Officers that arrived on the scene were crying at the sight they discovered.

An investigation found the children's' blood on Policarpio and Adan's clothes. A bloody knife was found in their possession that matched the blood of the children. The children had blood and skin under their fingernails that matched Policarpio and Adan's. It was suspected that the children clenched their tiny hands into the skin of their killers as they were screaming for dear life.

Now for the crazy part. The family members have criticized the Baltimore City Police for having arrested the wrong people. Huh????? Baltimore City Police get a lot of crap, but I think they got this one right.

Now, to make matters worse, during sentencing, Circuit Judge David B. Mitchell stated, "In these cases, the severity of the deaths and the facts that surround their demise calls for the severest sentence we can give." Yeah!!! Give it to them!!!

Their sentence? Two life sentences plus thirty years! Are you serious????? They killed 3 young children, not an f-in stray cat!

I predict that the ACLU will be all over this. Oh, the brutality of this harsh sentence! I suspect that these 2 killers will be subject to cafeteria-style food, unfashionable prison jump suits, and old magazines. There may even by some unflattering name-calling by some of the rougher prisoners.

Drip and Drop

In a related story, the lawyer for Vernon Evans, the man convicted of killing Scott Piechowicz and his sister-in-law, Susan Kennedy, both employees at a Pikesville hotel, has called for the death penalty to be abolished in Maryland. He claims that lethal injection in cruel and unusual.

First the cruel part. The needles that are used can cause excruciating pain and the drug that is delivered can burn and be very painful. Okay, I donated blood last week. That needle caused excruciating pain and the iodine really burned as it mixed with the blood at the surface. One of my coworkers passed out and was forced to eat cookies and drink Coke for 4 hours. Can I sue the American Red Cross for cruel and unusual punishment? Are convicted heartless murders precluded from going to the dentist? I had a tooth removed, and wouldn't you know it, they used a needle and it hurt like hell. Did the dentist realize how much pain he was inflicting on me?

This is getting out of hand. Pain? The lawyer says that Evans' intravenous drug use complicates the matter. If you ask me, it gives me more peace of mind knowing that this guy's last sight will be the drop-ceiling in the execution room as he is sent to eternal damnation for a fiery life in hell. His last image of life on Earth shouldn't be when he's 85 years old from the comfy confines of his cell while watching David Letterman's Top Ten List.

Unusual? There have been 1,047 executions since capital punishment was reinstated in 1976. There are 3,370 people currently sitting on death row. And Death Row Records signed Tupac Shakur and Snoop Doggy Dog, but that's not important right now.

It does not seem unusual to execute someone by lethal injection. It's a needle. It would be unusual to execute someone with a cheese grater and rubbing alcohol or an apple peeler and salt (both my preferred method of execution of murderers).

Many people argue that the death penalty is not a deterrent of crime. Who the frick said we needed it as a deterrent? It's revenge! You killed someone! Do liberals and public defenders (okay, they're one and the same) have any compassion for the victims or the families? These people took someone's life! Many had children. Many are children. If someone killed one of my kids, I would hunt them down and take care of business myself. I would be the most famous vigilante of all time. I ain't relying on the government for a speedy 2 year trial that will send the killers to a lifetime rent-free room in Jessup.

I wonder how Dr. McDreamy feels about this subject? For that, check out Twinkie's blog. Twinkie, thanks for the plug! Back at you!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The truth matters. Except when no one knows any better. In one of O'Malley's latest commercials, as heard every 15 seconds on most radio stations, he is endorsed by the Maryland State Teachers Association (MSTA). Obvioulsy they used a local media company.

First, they hire a woman who claims to be Maryland State Teacher of the Year. This woman won the award several years ago, which is fine. This woman's roots are, without a doubt, in Baltimore. She has no idea how to pronounce the name of the Governor. More than 5 times in the ad, she calls him Bob Airlick. You would think that a teacher would know how to pronounce Ehrlich. Perhaps she teaches in the thriving Baltimore City Schools.

Second, this lady claims that Bob Airlick raised tuition 40% while Governor. My first question is, raised tution 40% at what school? I did a little investigating. The tuition for the University of Maryland System is determined by the University of Maryland Board of Regents, not the Governor. Parris Glendening, as a present to Bob Ehrlich, knowing that Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, daughter of Robert Kennedy and granddaughter of Joseph Kennedy who made millions on insider information in the stock market, would not be elected, approved a huge budget for the University of Maryland, but would leave the funding decisions to Ehrlich.

In a related story, in the 2002 Democratic primary, K. Kennedy Townsend lost 20% of the vote to Robert Fustero, a retired grocery store clerk who ran his campaign on $1000. When Ehrlich was asked to comment about that statistic, he said, "Imagine if Fustero would have spent $2000!"

Let's Go DutchDutch Ruppersburger, the Congressman who was using eminent domain to confiscate 300 water-front properties of blue-coller, mid and lower middle class working families, is now helping to campaign for O'Malley, the child of rich and prominant Montgomery County family. He wants mid and lower middle class families to trust him and help O'Malley become Governor. It's hard to argue with that. If someone takes my house to give to a rich developer, I would trust him with my vote - just like I would trust Jerry Lee Lewis with my 14 year old niece.

Also in this commercial, Dutch (and I'm not referring to Ronald Reagan) claims that education is wonderful in Bal'mer City. In fact, 3 of the 10 best schools in the state are located in Bal'mer City. Oh, now it clicked. That's why working class families with children are driving up housing prices in the city. They are anxious to get them into city schools! Oh, wait, perhaps it's a trick. Here are some top city schools: Archbishop Curley, Mount St. Joseph's, Roland Park Country School, The Gilman School, Bryn Mawr, etc... What do these schools have in common? They are the private schools. I will write to Dutch and ask him which schools he is referring to.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

O'Malley is the King of Rhetoric. Whenever Bob Ehrlich mentions that Baltimore City schools are the worst in the state, O'Malley quickly responds that it is not fair to the hard working students, parents, and teachers to attack them and belittle their improvements.

The fact is, Baltimore City graduation rates are near the worst in the country. According to EPE Research Center in an article that appears in the USA Today, Baltimore City schools are second worst only to Detroit for the worst graduation rate of the 50 largest school districts in the country. They show the graduation rate of Baltimore as 38.5%. This is worse than Cleveland! And they say Cleveland rocks? It rocks more than Baltimore. Interestingly, 5 of the 50 largest school districts are in Maryland - Baltimore City, Baltimore County, Montgomery County, Prince George's County, and Anne Arundel County.

What everyone suspects is that Martin O'Malley is altering the way the graduation statistics are calculated. This should come as no surprise since he altered the crime statistics when he took office. His motive for this was to show crime as being higher than previously reported, therefore it would be easier to show a decrease in crime. However, the police keep stubbornly finding dead bodies all over the city. Fortunately for the crime stats, shoot-outs are now classified as suicide.

The speculated calculation rate, as determined by Baltimore City Public Schools headquarters located on beautiful North Avenue, every suburban family's shopping destination (at least up until the 1950's), was to calculate how many students starting their senior year actually graduate. The theory is that most of the students that will drop out of school have already dropped out by this time. However, standard graduation calculations start with incoming freshman and calculate how many of these actually graduate. Using this method, Baltimore City does not look so good. Neither does Martin O'Malley. But he's still kind of cute.

Save BaltimoreI love the city of Baltimore. I have lived in "Baltimore" all of my life, sparing 3 years that I spent in South Carolina to finish college. Should Martin O'Malley win the gubernatorial election, City Council President Sheila Dixon becomes the Mayor until the next election. Not familiar with Sheila Dixon?

Sheila Dixon is the aunt of former Maryland Terps star and now NBA star Juan Dixon. She helped raise him when both of his parents died. Looking at Juan's determination and success, you could say she did a admirable job.

Sheila Dixon likes to help her family. Her sister Janice worked for the 4-person company of Utech, which was given contracts from Comcast. Sheila Dixon, as President of the City Council, awarded these contracts to Utech. The problem is Sheila Dixon did not tell anyone that her sister was employed by them. Ethics law violation? Sounds like one. According to protocol, she should have abstained from voting on issues involving Utech, but she did not. Dixon explains that she did not realize that Utech's full name was Union Technologies, which was used in the contracts. Right. And I didn't know that the FBI had nothing to do with Female Body Inspectors.

Another issue is that Sheila Dixon improperly hired her sister as an assistant. Nepotism is frowned upon in government, except when your father-in-law in Joseph Curran and your wife is a judge. However, we should not come down hard on Dixon for not knowing the law. 10 of 19 other council members also had family members on their staff. I think the rule is that if more people are in violation of a law than people that aren't, then it's okay. Additionally, she and other member of the council also received gifts from Arrow Parking and Comcast, another violation of Baltimore's ethics laws. Yes, laws can be ambiguous and unclear. I once told a police office that I did not realize you had to take the speed limit signs literally. I thought they were a suggestion. I, however, was not cleared of any wrong-doing.

Not enough? Sheila Dixon also steered $600,000 in no-bid contracts to her former campaign chairman, Dale Clark. As E.J. Pipkin would say, "Who knew?!"

Council members are calling the investigations a witch hunt. Well, when you're a witch, I guess you should expect these kinds of things. What do you do with witches? Burn them! What burns besides witches? More witches!!!

And let's not forget when the University of Maryland basketball team won the NCAA Championship. There was a rally held at City Hall which I attended. The always charismatic Martin O'Malley introduced every-other player with the enthusiasm that you would expect from a PA announcer at a professional game. Sheila Dixon introduced the other players as if she just learned English, and did she butcher them.

Steve Blake was introduced as Steve Francis. If I was Steve Blake, I'd be offended. Steve Blake knows where Vancouver is on a map. Dixon then congratulated the Terps with their NAACP victory. Again, I think Steve Blake was offended.

So what is my point? All in all, I do not think Martin O'Malley is doing a BAD job as the Mayor of Baltimore. He's certainly distorting the facts. However, I do not think that we should trust our city to the hands of the bumbling and corrupt City Council President. For the sake of the honest and hard working people of Baltimore, you deserve better than Sheila Dixon. Keep O'Malley as your Mayor!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Public Service Commission RulingYesterday, the Maryland Court of Appeals struck down a lawsuit from the Maryland General Assembly (imagine the legislature of a state suing the Governor - remember, this is Maryland!).

The General Assembly wanted to fire the members of the Public Service Commission, 5 of 6 which were appointed by Bob Ehrlich. The Governor said that the General Assembly could not fire his appointees. Mike Miller and Michael Busch disagreed. Fortunately for the Republican Governor, the Court of Appeals sided with him, 6-1.

The lone dissenting vote was by Lynne A. Battaglia. This is the same judge that decided that illegal aliens are allowed to collect unemployment compensation due to job related injuries, compliments of the hard-working LEGAL citizens of the state of Maryland. She failed to see the logic that the illegal aliens were working ILLEGALLY! Therefore, their injuries are illegal, too. Thought I'd throw that out there.

On the other hand, the employers of illegal aliens also should be severely punished. And I'm talking to you, Brickman.

SENATE RACEA friend of mine in Florida asked if Michael Steele has a chance to win as the Senate race against Ben Cardin. I said that he probably does not have much of a chance. Ben Cardin is a well-liked politician in Maryland. In my quest to dig up dirt on the guy, the only thing that I could find was that he is in favor or giving drivers licenses to illegal aliens. So his logic is, you can't legally be in the country, but you can drive a car to your illegal job at Brickman.

So other than his love of el senioros, Ben Cardin is a likable guy. And in a state where Democrats outnumber Republicans 2-1, Democrats will vote for him because he is a Democrat.

I told my friend that if Mfume, whom many call Mfassa, had won the primary, Michael Steele would have a better chance of winning. Mfume, the former leader of the Congressional Black Caucus and the NAACP, both organizations whose actions contradict efforts to rid our country of racism, would not get many votes from the white majority of both the Democrats and the Republicans. Michael Steele, the Oreo black, comes off a little softer and appeals to people of all backgrounds. However, Mfassa lost and Cardin won.

Governor DebateGovernor Bob Ehrlich and Martin O'Malley, who grew up in Montgomery County in a family of a prominent and wealthy family, squared off in a debate hosted by the AARP yesterday. Some highlights of the event:

Bob Ehrlich's response to O'Malley who called all situations priority, "If everything is a priority, then nothing is a priority. You don't govern through speeches. You don't govern through euphemism."

O'Malley then criticized Ehrlich for being a pawn to special interests. Ehrlich responded, "AARP is a special interest. Every plumber in this room, every teacher in this room, every lawyer in this room - you're a special interest. And if you don't want me to represent your special interests, please leave now."

Later in the debate, O'Malley spoke of many of the social programs that he wanted to create for seniors, which received a roaring applause. Ehrlich quickly fired back that social programs are fine, but how are you going to fund them? Who's taxes are you going to raise or who's programs are you going to cut? This was succeeded by confused silence. Old Lady Esther was heard saying, "I don't get it. Can't they just print more money?"

Election DayOn election day, Kristen Cox, candidate for Lt. Governor, who is legally blind, requested the appropriate peripherals for the disabled when she went to vote. However, the machines were not equipped to assist her. She had to have her son read the choices to her and make the selections. Governor Bob Ehrlich has demanded that Linda Lamone, the Administrator for the Maryland Election Board show up a meeting today with an answer as to why this happened.

Linda Lamone, an appointee by former Maryland Governor, Parris Glendening, a New York native, has received much criticism from Bob Ehrlich and many think she is incompetent. The failures of the voting system on Tuesday, which also included machines being lost in Montgomery County, and stupid election judges not showing up in Baltimore City, reinforces this opinion.

Governor Ehrlich has demanded her resignation. T.V. Mike Miller clearly stated that she cannot be fired. This contradicts his other actions, as mentioned previously, to fire different Governor-appointed officials. This is different because Linda Lamone was appointed by a Democrat. I think the law says that appointees made by Republicans can be fired. Appointees made by Democrats cannot be fired.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Here's a great reason to hate politics in Maryland. It's a Democratic machine that is totally out to make the Republicans look bad. Remember this:

In Maryland, the Democrat controlled legislature passed a bill prior to when the current Republican Governor, Bob Ehrlich, took office, that capped the rate which companies could charge for electricity. At the same time, they opened the market to competition. However, the cap was artificially low.

The Public Service Commission, which approved the rate cap, included the brother-in-law of current Baltimore City Mayor and Democratic candidate for Governor, Martin O'Malley. In addition, Martin O'Malley's father-in-law is the Attorney General for the state. when the rate cap term expired, BGE went to the Public Service Commission and told them that they were raising electricity rates to reflect the current market, an increase of over 70%. Republican Governor Bob Ehrlich gave the nod for the increase. The Public Service Commission approved the rate increase.

Martin O'Malley then harshly criticized the governor for raising electricity rates and siding with Big Business. He sued someone to put a stop to the rate hike. The still-Democratic controlled legislature (who wrote the bill to artificially keep the rates below market rates) now also criticized the increase and sued.

They eventually wrote a bill that only increases the rate by 15% until after the general election, at which time the rate may increase more. The rate, no doubt, will return to the market rate. The Democrats hope that the Republican Governor will no longer be in office and the average person who has a short memory and is stupid will not remember who did what.

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About Me

This blog is a satire. None of the things that appear to be false are true. Most of the facts are correct. Many of the opinions are mine. None of the opinions or false statements are to be taken seriously.