Saturday, December 5, 2009

Greatest Cop-Outs Of All Time

I don't know why I'm compelled to write this but these statements never cease to bother me. So for no one's viewing pleasure, the most annoying cop-outs I've ever have had the pleasure of hearing:

“Call me old fashioned” – In her day, my grandmother was an attractive young lady, albeit a bit of a ditz. Now in her autumn years, her looks have gone but she’s still a little thick and from her bygone days still holds her racism against Chinese people. Even though they were here building railroads while her family was running away from the Bolsheviks in the old country, she still talks about them like an invading hoard of Huns on the way to Sunday all you can eat breakfasts. Call it old-timey, antiquated, maybe even old fashioned, because at one time showing little respect for Asians was in fashion if you ever want to refer to Mickey Rooney’s performance in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__-unOqTPYk)

“That’s just the way I was raised” - I was raised Catholic, which for those of you who don’t know is a shitty system of beliefs where no matter what you do, you feel endlessly guilty and have to apologize for everything. It basically turns you into an anxious, juvenile Canadian. Do I still believe in this? No, I’ve grown up; this is just the way I was raised.

Comparing anyone to Hitler, a Nazi or a Fascist - Just because you’re fucking up in school and your dad has grounded you doesn’t mean he killed millions of people. He was your age once and used to cut class and go smoke pot in the ravine too, go check the back of his high school year book and see if anyone signed as Day Tripper.

“But they’re a legend” – I don’t see why this one gives people immunity when they turn into serious dicks. From a personal anecdote, I used to love Black Flag when I was younger and in turn thought Henry Rollins was the shit. As I grew older not only did I learn that all Black Flag’s fun songs were a result of Keith Morris, and Henry Rollins was responsible for turning the band into a shitty metal one, I also learned that he was incredible boring and lame. To begin, I even forgave him for his terrible show, and hate to admit bought one of his poetry books at Value Village without questioning why it was there in the first place. It was so melodramatic and angst ridden, and it would later remind me of why listening to angry punk music is for teenagers. At the same time I went to a spoken word tour he was doing at U of T and was incredibly bored. Later, I found out he was always a dick (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_3g4QPojMc), as well as before not becoming Black Flag’s main songwriter was the manager of a Häagen-Dazs store.

That's all for now, I recently moved into an apartment in Montreal with a bunch of Parisian roommates. Some of them are so cultured and European that they're also fans of early afternoon drinking, that and there is a pool table in the basement. I have things to do.