If you’ve spent any money on concert tickets over the last decade or so, chances are that you’re entitled to some free tickets from Ticketmaster, as part of a class action settlement decided earlier this week. (If you’re wondering whether you’re eligible, you can click here for more information.) Sadly, though, you can’t just get free tickets to anything — you have to choose from a list of shows, and surprise! Most of them are awful!

The full list thus far is here, and more than anything, it’s a fascinating insight into the existence of the sorts of tours and shows that sound like they’ve been created as some sort of satire of terrible music, but are apparently things that real live human beings are willing to part with actual American dollars to go and see. There is the occasional good show in there — Salt N Pepa! A solitary date on The Cure’s tour, in Charlotte, NC! — but they’re very much in the minority, and you can neither search the list nor filter it by state, so good luck finding them. Ticketmaster: comically evil to the last. But anyway, here, ranked from awful to hilariously awful, are the very worst of the worst shows that you can totally go and see for free!