Pairs of fart-absorbing underpants designed to contain the copious trouser cough output from Irritable Bowel Syndrome sufferers have proved a hit with Japanese businessmen.
A model sports a pair of Seiren guff-busting underpants Manufacturer Seiren expressed pleasant surprise that their guff-busting smalls had attracted the …

Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

I can def confirm that that is NOT the case after trying to "sneak out" a quiet one while sat in a crowded, un-carpeted lounge at Vienna airport while sitting on those bloody awful plastic chairs wearing a set of headphones. The looks of every other people sharing my lounge told me that my sneaky one was not so sneaky and def not quiet

@ symbol_soup

You care too much about what strangers think of you. I take Aussie pride in being a pig in public.

When I drop my guts in public, I let it roar load and proud. Leaning to one side and lifting a leg during the release clearly identifies me to bystanders as the source as well as giving vastly improved echo and reverb. I do agree with your prognosis, though, that those plastic chairs are absolutely the best sounding boards for amplifying the anal rattle.

Given that this is behaviour one would normally expect of bogan (chav) schoolboys, seeing a 46 year old man (usually wearing office clothes) carrying on like this definitely gets a reaction. It works a treat when you're in a crowded bus or train and need a bit of space...

Re: @ symbol_soup

Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

Are there any adults who really haven't mastered the silent fart yet? Your sphincter control should be such that you can accurately let the gas out silently and without accidentally soiling yourself. The myth about women never farting is because they master this at a young age.

Somebody step on a duck?

Re: Somebody step on a duck?

Speak for yourself! Some of us consdider ourselves craftsmen in this particular avenue of life, and take joy and pride in the range of sounds and smells that can be achieved.

From the richly pungent, warm, fruity, sulphurous aroma of a good daisy cutter, right through to the sort of tasteable, dry, acrid phosphorous grenade. Or the lingering cumin-like background waft of a medium artillery salvo. Or the deeply aromatic shit-scented "bypass", invariably when you're touching cloth in a business meeting.

And as for the sounds - the creak of Dracula's coffin is a personal favourite, but a good noisy buttock-flapper is always one to raise the spirits. The hiss of death in a crowded lift can always be relied upon to strike fear into the hearts of fellow lift travellers. Or the perennial favourite, the SBD, or spod as it now seems to be more commonly referred to. And this last one is celebrated in music, being the inspiration for John Cage's seminal work, 4'33".

Re: Somebody step on a duck?

Re: Somebody step on a duck?

<--- You complete and utter bastard.

Trying to type through the tears here. You forgot to mention that you should never try to hold one in while trapped in a meeting. That way lies the Rising Squeaker. Correct technique is to relax completely and go for the SBD, although this does run the risk of the Basso Burble.

Re: Somebody step on a duck?

Re: Somebody step on a duck?

Can I point out an error in your terminology? If you're trying to suppress one, then it's not you that's trapped in the meeting, it's everybody else. As they will soon discover, once you manage to release the nostril offending goodness, in all it's glory. Preferably in a silent, non-traceable manner.

Sell them to Mormons

Typical

Can the trump sequestering wunderpants be temporarily disabled, if, for instance, one is in an elevator?

I'd like to see version 2 using the methane in a phone charging fuel cell, although I'm not sure how the collection interface might work. Presumably it would have to conform to standard skid-mark dimensions.

Can the trump sequestering wunderpants be temporarily disabled, if, for instance, one is in an elevator?

Presumably the only time you want to release a throat-gripper in the lift is while you are alone and to ensure that the next user gets to appreciate the full benefit of your digestive fermentations in a confined space. So, as there are no witnesses, just drop 'em and let rip.

@TeeCee

The first law of farting already states that "Drop a gut buster in an empty lift, and it will stop at the next floor and one or more attractive women will get in, and give you a filthy look".

Your suggested strategem now involves the risk of the lift doors opening to reveal the Farticifer in the act with his trollies down, which is likely to have graver consequences than a dirty look. Of course, if you have the "car control" key, and can keep the doors closed at will then your proposal has some merit.

@ I,Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects

"The Japanese commercial looks like a gang of victims picking on the accused"

This could set a worrying precedent. Hopefully I will be protected by the UK's "hate crime" laws. In fact, should the lynch mob set upon me or my behind, I might even get a bob or two because my feelings have been hurt by the intolerance of my fellow workers.