'Sharknado" in U.P.? You betcha!

August 13, 2014 - Burt Angeli

While everyone is still thrilled by the epic sci-fi story of the summer, "Sharknado 2, The Second One," I am hoping this venerable series will consider a new location for their third episode.

Since they have terrorized both coasts, it only seems fair to hit at the heartland. But as one does need a body of water a bit larger than a bathtub, might I propose the midwest — and the Great Lakes which are the world's largest bodies of fresh water.

And, how about having it in the winter. Yes, winter sharks, as if the the polar vortex didn't have enough bite.

And seriously, it should be in the Upper Peninsula.

Here's why.

1. We have plenty of fishermen and hunters to take on the beasts. And the average Yooper is practically born with a chainsaw in his hand. When it comes to drinking a beer and telling a great fishing/hunting story, you can't top a Yooper.

2. But think of the beautiful scenery in the Upper Peninsula. Picture the visual appeal of the shark sliding down Pine Mountain as it descends on unwary Yoopers — talk about flying fins - pure horror!

3. Yoopers are scrappy folks — imagine them using their old truck with the cow catcher to run down them pesky sharks. Or hunting them on snowmobiles with muzzleloaders. Hey they only have one shot, but that is all a true Yooper needs! 4. Sharknado is known for campy humor. Now who knows more about camps as in deer camps, than a Yooper. Pity the poor Yooper, who just lost at shmear and goes out the door from his camp and encounters the shark "Holy Wa - what da hey was dat?" 5. And finally, as this would be the third episode, might I suggest that in this land of "da tirty point buck" this would be the perfect place for "Da tird episode - da revenge of da tirty foot shark"

OK, maybe they'd have to use subtitles for those who don't speak Yooper.