Way Behind

1

Years ago, Possible Antichrist defended Cop’s Daughter from bullying. One of the bullies died and he had to go away.

Now, Possible Antichrist returns as a teenager and wants to woo Cop’s Daughter, pissing off Rapey Bully in the process.

Bullies start dying again. Is history repeating itself? It’s up to Defrocked Priest (Christian Fucking Slater!), to convince Cop Dad (Vinnie Fucking Jones!) that Possible Antichrist is up to his old tricks again.

BUT IS HE?

Way of the Wicked is crack at teen horror with a religious twist in a wise-cracking high-school setting. And not a moment too soon! It’s been 11 years since Buffy finished.

It’s not a terrible idea on paper, but the poorly penned result is bland and (surprise surprise) outdated. The 2014 film clocks in after Dawson’s Creek, after The Faculty, after the likes of Diablo Cody, after the Scream films…

All the high-school kids are odious little shits. All of them. The charmless Cop’s Daughter has zero reason to fancy either vile Rapey Bully or weird Possible Antichrist. Her douchey friends even stick up for Rapey Bully after he dies, beating up Possible Antichrist as revenge for the death of a complete and utter dickhead.

Vinnie Jones speaks his lines as they were written and sometimes wears a pair of glasses. These sit on his nose at the jauntiest of angles, as if surprised to be perched on Vinnie Jones’s face. Everyone, including his own daughter, treats him like crap even though he seems like a reasonable dad and is the only likeable character. Supposedly a raging alcoholic, this complete bastard of a dad is seen once having a glass of wine with a barbecue.

Christian Slater hangs around in bushes near the school in exactly the way a man in priest robes shouldn’t. From here he spies on the kids, without attracting attention from a single authority figure. He then waits half the film before approaching Vinnie Jones to explain his theory about his daughter and her boyf. Met with disbelief, he backs up his claim with some irrefutable Bibley stuff. QED!

As the only person doing any real acting, Slater is out of place in every appearance. It’s like he wandered onto the wrong set. Shortly, and probably to Slater’s great relief, the priest shuffles off his mortal coil, dying in mysterious circumstances.

Christian Slater is the real mystery. What’s he doing here? Not even Vinnie Jones should be here.

As the film shambles along, some stuff almost-but-not-quite happens. The twist that you knew was coming happens, then the movie ends, but the credits roll after no meaningful resolution or explanation. Perhaps there’s an after-credits easter egg?

There isn’t.

It’s impossible to tell who this film is aimed at, how it was greenlit, or why it was made.