Ramblings of an Emergency Physician in Texas

Chip Resensitizing

Comments

I don’t know about you, but my tinfoil hat proved 87.36% effective in repelling brain chip control attacks. Dipping it in pure maple syrup only improved results by 2.19%, while the addition of a 15 Watt rotating red beacon on top and Princess Leia buns made from green moldy apple fritters provided a highly satisfying 6.94% improvement. Grouch Marx glasses proved inconclusive. Don’t waste your time trying Viking horns, a Steve Martin arrow, a yamika, a Shriner fez, or antlers. Sugar and voltage seem to be the most promising research paths to date.

AG,
Your research is certainly intriuging, and runs counter to the expected additive effects of grounding the tinfoil hat with a string of paperclips that (gently) make contact with the floor. I would expect, frankly, the addition of voltage to induce more, not less, static electricity, which as we all know is responsible for up to 62% of all inadvertent chip resets.

When I was in the USAF I was a Special Agent for the OSI (Office of Special Investigations). The “Six million Dollar Man” was all the rage on TV and as a result every whacko and slip nut in the Washington DC area (and trust me, DC attracts a greater proportion of wing nuts than the average U.S. metropolitan area!) used to call us and ask for Steve Austin. The damn local FBI thought it was a joke to give out our number to crank callers and tell them to talk with Col. Austin.

After about the gazillioneth call we finally bowed to the inevitability of it all and finally just started taking messages for the Colonel. We even put his name and picture on our sign in/out board, next to Steve Canyon.