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You guys might remember my recent blog post about adopting a human child, with my roommates. As like a fun activity for weekend nights when nothing that great is happening, or like, when we came home from school it would be waiting for us and wagging its tail or whatever.

Well, simila’ to a lot of our other cool project ideas, like turning our house into a non-profit for tax purposes, or renting our attic out to squirrels as like an artist residency, the adoption thing never really got off the ground. This was OK by me, because my life is already pretty hectic and as you may remember I was concerned about getting a squishy one\accidentally adopting a placenta instead of the actual baby.

Then I saw this:

O. M. G.

Whoever made this ad is seriously a genius because seeing it made me really really want to buy a baby again. If pressed I would say that my favorite baby\the one that would look best with my stuff is the Mongolian one. My only worry is that after this ad it will sell out really quickly and I’ll have to get a different nationality of baby. They should also make the ordering information\pricing more clear.

The weird thing is that the babies are clearly targeting my exact demographic, which makes me feel like maybe my information on FB is being sold to corporations\babies who are trying to sell me things\come live in my house for 18+ years. Is this a potential violation of my right to privacy as an internet presence\consumer? This could also potentially mean that people who are less on the ball about trends have also been alerted about the Baby Craze.

If you do decide to buy one (still haven’t made my mind up, honestly. considering skipping it and starting some kind of “neu-baby” or “low-fi-baby” wave involving cabbage patch dolls), here’s some instructional videos:

How to hold your baby:

How to make your baby marketable on the internet:

How to make a cake for your baby (this kind of cake is also labeled “Holiday Happiness Cake”…Apparently I have a lot to learn, lingo wise, about being a great parent.)

Remember that song by Aaliyah before she died on an airplane that had the baby crying in the background?

If I let this go

you can’t tell nobody
I’m talking bout nobody
I hope you responsible?

Boy I gotta watch my body
I’m not just anybody
Is it my go, Is it your go
Sometimes I’m goody goody
Right now I’m naughty naughty

Say yes or say no
Cause I really need somebody (uh)
Tell me are you that somebody (uh)