Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Car Story Number Whatever, Starring Daniella Maria

Sometimes it's hard to write a blog about an adventure you've had because putting it into words does not do it justice. Look, it's hard work! And I'm burnt out. So I prefer to show you pictures and make a brief, to the point summary of stuff that happened, and you can work out the details in your head. This way, there are several different versions of my story, with all of your own personal twists, which makes it more appealing to each of you individually. Maybe for a few of you, I was in my bathrobe. Maybe for others, I'd just eaten a whole box of Velveeta Shells n Cheese and my stomach was giving out warning signals. And maybe one of you even dares to assume that I wasn't wearing earrings. Well, there, you'd be wrong, my friend. Sorry sucka.

Okay, here is some stuff that happened Sunday night as I was trying to get to Mickey's to have a damn drink with Daniella and Schabow. Jesus...

I pick up Daniella, and although we could have easily walked, it was slightly raining, so eff that noise. We're driving. We get near the bar, and I turn into a driveway on a side street in order to turn around and get to a parking spot on the street. Suddenly there's this awful noise coming from under my car, like a scraping, scratching sound. I slam on my brakes and look at Daniella in horror. Daniella, who apparently knows how to keep cool in situations, looks at me all wide-eyed and starts laughing.

"Okay, it's fine," I say, as I throw the car in reverse and try to back out. Nothing. The car doesn't move an inch. I try going forward again, and again...nothing. Daniella, Ms. Cool-In-Any-Situation, gets out to go look. It is at this point that her laugh turns into some kind of guffaw that echoed throughout the empty street.

"You're effing stuck, girl!" She says to me as she points at my car's front tires, still laughing. "You're stuck in the mud!" I get out to look, and Cool-As-A-Cucumber-Daniella is right. I'm effing stuck.

Look. We tried everything. She pushed, I drove, we turned the wheels every which way, we went forwards, we went backward, we went forward again. We asked three strangers walking by to help us push, which only resulted in one woman getting her pretty shoes all busted up when she stepped in a puddle. I still feel kind of bad about that, by the way.

Anyhow, I eventually decide to call AAA because I have coverage and I may as well use it. They send out a tow truck, saying it will be there by 11:06. We spend the time waiting and leaning against the car, and Daniella "I think this is hilarious even though Reem isn't totally sure yet" Maria keeps saying things to cheer me up and comfort me, such as:

"Just pretend it's not your car. Pretend it's your mom's," to which I respond "that would be a lot worse."

"No problem," she says. "Just pretend it's stolen then."

At this point, because of her marvelous and creative tactics, plus that undeniably hilarious laugh, Daniella became the star of the show.

So anyhow, the tow truck shows up and the guy is like "Yeah, I tow cars out of this very driveway about once a week." Damn. Now I'm just grouped together with the ordinary masses. I fell for the ordinary. Totals unfair.

This is the mud on the side of my car from every time I made the wheels move. What do you think about that sexy light brown/tan color?

Here's the sad face that I'm-the-funniest-person-in-an-emergency-and-also-kind-of-a-hero-Daniella drew on the hood of my car.

Another view of the poor baby, Tommy (that's my car's name, after Tommy from the song "Livin' on a Prayer." My sister's car is named Gina. We're so great.

That's where my car was stuck. Duh.

Look at this stupid driveway! Who does that? Jerks...

To conclude, I just want to say that a)we promptly parked the car and got to Mickey's and each had a shot and a drink, b)I still haven't looked underneath my car to check out the damage, and c)it ended up being a really fun night, despite it all. Sucks to you, mud!