Penn Satire, Since 1899

The First Meeting

Today saw the first annual meeting of the Union of Forgotten Celebrities in the once-celebrated and now ignored Millennium Dome in London. The dome hosted men and women from all facets of pop culture, from sports to movies to hosts of VH1’s “I Love the 80’s Strikes Back”. The Baha Men started off the festivities on a sombre note, explaining to the audience they were the ones who had let the dogs out, a fact that had weighed heavily on their consciences. Sources say that Avril Lavigne left the dome at this point in tears.

It was in the middle of Chris Shelton’s speech which reminisced upon the wondrous time that was the Autumn of 2006 that Kel Thompson barged in, wearing a shirt stained in orange. Mr. Thompson, who had been going through rehabilitation for an undisclosed substance stumbled forward, an Orangina bottle falling out of his pocket and smashing to the ground in the process. Mr. Shelton doggedly kept speaking as the former Nickelodeon star screamed “WHERE THE FUCK IS KENAN?” Thankfully former Disney star Raven was present, and she rocked him back and forth until he fell into an HFCS-induced slumber.

But just as everyone had feared, Tay Zonday could not be contained. After standing and spewing a rant peppered with profanities that even had Bob Saget cringing, he belted out a startling rendition of Chocolate Rain. This ended abruptly when Aaron Carter took the law into his own hands and kicked him in the groin. The crowd thundered with applause. The enthusiasm quickly subsided however as Al Gore took the podium.

By the end of his three-hour PowerPoint even Ralph Nader was pissed.The withdrawal started with the boybands, N’Sync – without Justin Timberlake – walked away with the Backstreet Boys at their heels. Ray Romano led the second migration, emptying the dome in the process. He was last heard talking with Kevin James saying, “At least we still get reruns on TBS.”