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Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Figuring Out My Place In Time And Space: Navigating A New Relationship & Surviving The First Fight

It happened.

The thing everyone dreads in a blissfully new relationship. The first fight.

Looking back it was blown completely out of proportion, more than that either Ocean Eyes or I could have ever imagined. But, what it really was, was a test. A test of our communication skills, of compromise and love.

Knock knock. Who's there? The struggle.

So what was the fight about? Time.

See for me, until recently, I've been use to seeing my significant other everyday. I lived with my Ex for ten years.

Wow.

Every time I hear that number it seems like a long time. I guess because it is a long time. Ocean Eyes has the exact opposite, living alone his entire adult life. We are on two sides of the relationship Universe, but we've somehow found each other.

And when it comes to Love Languages we are almost exactly the same. Almost. My number one Love Language is Physical Touch. His is Words of Affirmation. One requires physical presence, one requires communication. The communication part we have down. But physical time is something that has been hard to come by in the past couple weeks.

And so the fight begins. Life creeped up on us both and we have been insanely busy, with no signs of stopping anytime soon. Unlike the last three months, where we've spent entire weekends together, dates every other night, these past two weeks, has been quite a lot less. But lots of communication.

Ocean Eyes is an amazing communicator. So in our time apart, I've never felt rejected and our times together, though mostly brief, he has always given me his full attention. So for three months we saw each other like crazy and built our solid foundation. Which, I think, made the fight, though extremely difficult to navigate at the time, in the end, made us even better than before.

1. Honest Communication. From the beginning we’ve been nothing but honest with each other. From my month long visit to Denver in December when we met for the first time, our three week separation when I went back to LA and my constant battles as to wether or not I even wanted a relationship, we always held strong. Communication hasn’t alway been easy for me, but in my new single life it has become a priority. For us both.

During a disagreement, when emotions are running high and both of us being sensitive souls, feelings can get hurt easily if one doesn’t choose the right words. I compared Ocean Eyes to my Ex. Horrible decision. He said I deserve someone who can see me as much as I need. I took that as it that couldn’t be him. Emotions took over our logic during our heated situation.

2. Time, space and second opinions. It was exactly what we needed. It wasn’t easy, but we both needed time to cool off and clear our heads. I went for a run. The physical push helped the emotional hurt subside a bit. After hours of no communication {pure torture} and a few conversations with my best friends, I called Ocean Eyes.

It was great to get out of my own head, seek my trusted girls’ opinions, even if I had a hard time hearing them. That is what real friends are for. During our late night phone call, both Ocean Eyes and I were much calmer and clear headed. We still didn’t agree, but we decided to see each other the following day.

I woke up that next morning to my usual “good morning!” text message. This text message felt more amazing that any he had ever sent prior. Things still felt a bit cold, but we were through the worst of it. He told me that he had cleared his schedule and had a picnic prepared for us. I couldn’t get to him fast enough. But not before stopping to pick up a bottle of champagne.

3. Forgiveness. The moment we locked eyes with each other, that was it. We didn’t say a word. I didn’t put down the champagne, we just fell into a long and joyful embrace. It was like nothing ever happened. We had both let go, agreed to do better and found unconditional love for each other. Yes love. We are completely in love.

4. Celebration. When we came up for air I realized he had flowers for me and he realized I had champagne for us. We packed it up with all the picnic food and drove down to the park. The sun was shinning and warm, the food was delicious and we were more happy than we’d ever been. Oh and that champagne! Ocean Eyes toasted to us! Se magnifique!

It was then I apologized for comparing him to my Ex and he apologized as well. Nothing more has been said on the subject. We are us again. Long adoring stares and all.

Why many you ask was I able to work it out with Ocean Eyes and not my Ex?

Honestly?

Ocean Eyes understands me. And after only four months. He supports me, understands my Love Language, communicates better and fights harder for me than my Ex did in fourteen years.

I’ve been doing my best to not see my marriage as a failure. I’ve learned so much from it and my year of dating, that I am confident in what Ocean Eyes and I can do in our relationship.

One year ago I was the saddest I’ve ever been. A few days ago that fear and sadness returned. But since I decide to follow my heart with Ocean Eyes, I’ve been happier than I could have ever imagined. All aspects of my life are beginning to falling into place, sometimes frustratingly slow. But even though my life has taken a 180, I wouldn’t change a thing.

5 comments:

Oh Megan! It's crazy how we both found great guys in December... I can understand completely by what you mean by "he understands me" because that is how I feel about my boyfriend right now. He, unlike my ex, really does understand me. Completely. And accepts me for who I am. We have had mini little disagreements but I don't think we've had a big fight yet. I know that when we do we'll be okay - we do a great job at communicating. I remember taking a test to find out what my love language was, but I already forgot what it was lol I need to retake it and will probably get my boyfriend (sounds so funny saying that lol) to take it as well. Anyways, good luck to you two!