Twilight

Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Saturday, April 26, 2003

No Title.. Can't think of one

Fished last night hubs came down wouldn't call if fishing cuz I think he was too drunk to even care but still the fact he showed up with polls and gear so nice! Was fun went up and listened to Karaoke at another bar and my bro and band he's in were all there so was fun! Time bar closed at 2am we hit the fishing spot for maybe an hour didn't catch anything of course nor did I even get a real bite one time I thought I had one but probably was a snag... who knows.. just fun to be outside and do something different hopefully I'll get to hit the lake south of us this week on my 3 nights off.. cuz that lakes always fun!

But last night just being at the lake again in your comfy clothes outside in nice weather makes me really want to use the cabin this summer a lot! Going to have to stay there every weekend we can... or I'd like to. Last 3 summers we've only stayed there occassionaly cuz of the little ones... but they are older now so will be fuN! Hubs got pretty drunk last night again.. passed out on way home and my bro rode with us as well and he' was screaming singing on the way home.. was funny.

There band plays down where I work so will be busy late night 2nite. I'm going to be tired. Got home round 4 but didn't get to sleep til 5 cuz hubs so horney I hadda take care of that in some wild ways.. that was OK but was more funny talking about the things I have to do yet b4 I turn 30 and I told him the biggest darkest secert I had and he's like all into that... just no idea who what when and where of the whole picture or who'd even be up to it. Hummmm at least I got him thinkin and now just to implement it.. well maybe.. I don't know maybe sober 2day he just thinks I'm crazy. LOL oh well! Then he was trying so hard to talk sexy or more forcefull which he's better at w/alchol but still was uncomfortable for him or something .. said when we 1st meet it was all OK cuz just dating.. but now married he wants to treat me right and mother of kids and blah blah that he respects me too much to get that wild.. demanding and crazy in the bedroom.. well WHAT?? Huh??? I didn't get it.. still don't not going to think about it that much.

I'm a sex addict. Yeah read up on it awhile ago on the net and took some quiz that said I should seek advice from a counciler.. i thought it was funny and I see nothing wrong with it.. OMG my right leg is alseep.. ouch. my butts sore. I need to get into the shower and ready 4 work. I need a hair cut bad too. I can't think of anything right now I'm going to lay down for 30 min b4 I get ready. Bye

Friday, April 25, 2003

How Do Ya

Gonna Get Crazy

Sooo I'm crazy 2day. I think I'm 2 people... I'm a daytime wife mommy and at night I'm different. Different thoughts different feelings different attitude. I feel like someone ran me over with a truck when I was sleeping. So I'm gonna get nuts on my blog the next month. I turn 30 in like less then 30 days. I still have a few things I need to get done. My Bday is on a tuesday hopefully some of our friends in town will be able to catch supper and maybe movie or few drinks somewhere with me.. but tuesdays are bad cuz most my friends work days...

Last night I was in totally playfull mood a good mood. crawled into bed hubs snuggles up behind and he's snoring down the back my neck and I'm LMFAO cuz it tickled so bad but felt so good. Still I feel alseep a bit restless. It's like that feeling when your a kid that your just happy so much you don't want to go to sleep cuz you don't want to lose that feeling. I feel OK now just that hubs gets off work and has to leave... and then he says not coming down to work 2nite for our anniversary cuz thought was coming down sat for the live band. OMG... i'd rather he came 2nite and thought we were fishing at midnight. I really want to go fishing. Then I wanted to take some cash I have and get a licence but says be dumb cuz I'll never get to go.. Well I'll show him... I'll just put my lil pole out all myself and buy some worms. WHO TAUGHT YOU how to fish...????? Hummmmm lets see was it MEEE! Yeap.. Ok so I didn't actually teach him 'to fish" he used to river fish.. catfish and muskies.. never pearch fished.. bass fished or walleye fished in his life..

So I bring him up to my grandparents cabin 1st summer we meet take my boat out and slammed the walleye and lots a perch that summer... showing him what lures and bait and depths you should/shouldn't fish. Showed him all the hot spots on the lake.. and how to jig and slip bobber fishing.. Soo if he doesn't come down 2nite screw him I'll just get my new pole I got 2 years ago for my Bday... that I've only used once.. down.. and my BSL fishing pole I've had since my 17th Bday and sit somewhere by myself and try to catch something. I'll grab my lantern.. tackle box.. and some worms.

I love fishing.. more just like to be outside under the stars relaxing b4 the bugs come out. So I know hubs wants to work on his truck and get that engine out so when new one comes in he can just transfer it in and get it running. And tomorrow he works all day.. But he thinks coming down sat to be with me is good.. but it's not.. i'm working and will be busy.. sure nice to see him.. but I don't have time for him when I'm working and gets me pissy sometimes when I'm working.. Naa not really but could maybe.

Bad I didn't even get him a anniversary card but I have to go uptown here in a bit... maybe I should just come home after work and go to the garage he'll be working at and sux him then for gift. LOL that'd be nothing new I don't know what to get him. Guess we went out wed night that was good enough.. just hoped he was coming down 2nite. Oh well.. I need to find a tiller... Gotta get my garden tilled and sandbox ready for the fill next weekend. And it's free dump sat at the dumps this weekend wish he'd haul some crap outta here for me. Wish I had some muscle again. OK I'm going back on my diet that's it and just gotta add a new exercise program the water areobics I was doing didn't cut it.. so I lost 25 lbs in 3 months.. I still have this last 20 I need to get off this body. 20 sounds easy .. NOT.. but OK I'm going to make some lunch get my play clothes on and get outside and start replanting and potting some things. Get my planters ready. since I can't get a tiller anyways.. not 2day.

WARNING... naughty post

Ever get so turned on and can't do a damn thing about it.. or want something or someone so bad but just can't get it. Just that the timing is off and you just have to tell yourself today is that one day you can't do that Amy. Yeah I'm feeling that right now! So someone's saying things that are driving me to seducing sexual thoughts that are wildly outta this world! OK I'm worked up, it's late, and I can't even do anything about it. So somedays I wish I could write more like I didn't know anyone was reading this cuz I know I have many readers now and do they really wanna know how much sex I really want.. have? Yeah wth it's me at that moment so be yourself!

So bang me up, hard. damn I can't get these naughty thoughts outta my head so bad I'm writing about them. So several times I've had the wildest urges and thoughts and extremes as to what I want to do.. how I'm going to do it and even when but everytime I get the courage and the pounding begins as to where I'm going to explode if I can't have it with him that something comes up. Damn. And yeah it's funny like whenever they instigate it's like bamn.. I'm there... maybe I am too easy. Nah... I just like want it too much and jump. But what is it that draws me back.. regardless of the interruptions... like 2nite perfect time walking outside to just stop and say I want you in the worse way I'm having ya.. and rip their clothes off LOL@me cuz not something I could do cuz like I'd be icky time for me.. sucks. Damn.

Then I think OMG your nutty woman. 1st off not mine to have that way like I gotta have some permission.. Not like I can have them whenever I want... good thing too probably or would be having to have it all the time. Limitations are probably good for me althought I'm not used to having them. I'm the type that when I want it ..I want it.. I get it and I really really want it.. and all the time for the most part. So by actually allowing me the limitation to instigate means a new step not sure safe to take cuz once I get comfy and can I get controlling.. Not in a bad way but sexually controlling like "i want it"... can't go there huh? or more I shouldn't then again i think no different then what I'm already doing.. just being myself more. But don't want to fantasize I can get it whenever I want with them. LOL i'm dumb. I think too much silly me. I'd much rather go with the flow and be in total controll and get what I want. But something holds me back... maybe it's that it's that way in my relationship now so different that it's exciting.

But then the controll thing and eagerness to want them confuses me. Ok yeah sexual attraction is animal like in many ways and it unleashes in me around them like a lioness in heat. Grrrrr claw marks. LOL at me cuz I'll probably delete this in the morning. Just like to write crazy about anything I think. Helps me.. OK then the thought that it doesn't matter if it's me or annie down the street... I'd rather prefer to think it's more me. of course wouldn't anyone but that's the beauty of friends. Cuz you care but can't care that much but sometimes it's hard not to. Sopose it's the woman in me that likes to feel like she's special in a different way maybe. Then I'm easy to read or so I think but think I've made it obvious my reasons n thoughts... just hard to read others... sure they're more to it just can't figure it out right now. Just wonder or more hope there's something more that attracts them then that. K I'm so wired I don't know what to do with myself.

Just go to bed and dream up something fun. OK convention in a big hotel in the city up north 2hours... it's a monday no work til thrusday. Check in at 2.. drinking and supper in the lounge at 5... shopping at a sex shop and get some sexy PJ's... lets see long black silky with ties down the side.. and see thru but flowing gown like. Wine chillin with some pretty stained blown glass wine glasses.. Rollin round ticklin on the king size bed.. K you can imagine the rest.. get up go back down to lounge and visit with other people up for the convention... go back.. start up the water in the hot tub in the room.. with the best smelling bath beads and salts.. sandlewood smell... Mmmm with some ocean sounding new-age music playing. Dip into the hot water.. sippin wine.. ok yeah sex in the tub. Dry each other off crawl under the sheet lying together talking till 4am.. snore time.. wake up hard n wet and do it all over. LMAO K this dream kinda sounds like one I had in kansas city already 7 years ago.... with few changes... and people... wake up go to that dumb convention for few hours.. sneak away and do it in the parking lot at the convention. LOL K then check out n head home. Oh yeah how about a stop at the rest stop. K sounds like a good dream... Thoughts are implanted now... to set it into action... can I do it.. Yes I can. I have evil twisted mind right now...thinking up ways I can get what I want.. bad me.. spank spank.. Gotta go. :) Nite love ya bye I'll be good :) :( :(

Thursday, April 24, 2003

OutDoor Duties

Just got caught up on some This or thats n questioning weekly things they are always over on the left side under more of me or just click here if ya need to read up on my answers! I'm just so bored kids are napping and I should really go shower. I had a chill of something bad creepy up feeling going on the past 2 minutes. Wonder what that's all about. All week I go without naps and today when I really want one I don't dare. I think it will be long weekend. Here's what we gotta get done!

Froggies

LMAO at this lil comedian clip that Kissmyblog.com had on her blog. LMAO.. and not just cuz I was bitching about shaving yesterday he's just so funny. Gotta hear it. oh but not intended for kids blah blah....

What am I doing 2day? Nothing much yet. OK So I refilled my birdfeeders again.. how do these tiny lil birds.. I mean finches are tiny.. how do they eat all this thistle so fast and where do they put it??? Morbid thoughts of disecting one. Shake that off.. OK but it's like there is 6-10 lil yellow birdies that just hang out on the apple tree (that's budding now) but they don't even move when my kids run down just sit and chirp and play bouncing limb to limb. Cute OMG my baby just walked by with a mouth full of mud again...

OK back cleaned him up. Won't matter much he ran back outside for another scoop I'm sure. Last night laying in bed it was awesome. the windows cracked open and the ceiling fan running on low.. no lights no TV just clean sheets and the noise of frogs outside. OK frogs are gross yeah but sounded really neat last night with that low humming of frog noise. Makes ya feel like your out in the jungle or forest but more it reminds me summer is coming YEAH! K bye

Stevie Baby!

I really tried to go to sleep once we were all tucked in but had to get up... then I had to call my bro.. and we had to play around on the net since he's hooked up now.. playing games and chattin. Nutty... so it's way late here again will I ever sleep normal hours?

Well hubs and I went out. We ended up eating at the L it was good I had steak diane... yeah I always have that there... well not always but it was nummy. 1st time I think I've had hashbrowns all year! MMmmm then we went to bringing down the house. OMG LMAO great movie. I forgot how much I love Steve Martin. One of my old fav's I can rewatch over and over is "The Jerk" too funny when he's getting moving out and says he's not taking anything.. but this here broken chair and that ashtray and all this stuff. love that movie.

This movie was great told hubs I need to hire Queen Latifah to come bitch slap him into a tiptop hip hoppy white ass spankin sex machine. LMAO too funny when she's trying to teach him how to grab some botty... thinking the whole time OMG YEAH hope hubs is thinking he outta do that. Cuz when Steve Martin's character would try.. it's a picture perfect image of my hubs. Like says... Your beautiful or whatever LOL too funny. Good movie havn't seen a Martin movie for awhile and Latifah is a riot gotta love her!

Anyways had a lot of fun 2nite so much I don't wanna go to work tomorrow. I have given up on the php scripting for now I can't get a damn thing to work. Stepped up my graphic making program with a 30 day trial and I'm having so much fun designing new webpages. Maybe I should redo this one huh? PSP7 is awesome! OK gotta try to get to sleep.. wanna wake hubs up for another round. Or I could just stay online another hour and wake him up for the day.

Talked to my Net friend 2nite a bit ago. Hadn't talked to him in almost 2 weeks was nice but not the same:( T a waitress from work called 2nite I wasn't home.. wonder what she wanted. ?? OK well I'm going for the night!

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Pizza & Movies

I ran outta Nair that hair remover crap I use to shave the private areas.. to avoid that awful shave itch bump ya get from a straight blade thingy.. anyways I ran out so I shaved with my nice triple aloe blades instead on monday and today it's driving me nuts. It isn't ichy at least not yet but those damn little bumpies sux how do ya get rid of them? Sucks I should've waited and bought some more nair huh?

LOL Anyways hubs and I are gonig out for supper 2nite and movie it's our 5th anniversary fri but I have to work so were going out 2nite. I want to go somewhere nice to eat but not in the mood for the L or the new C.L. cuz last few times there it's so sucked.. so I'm thinkin Pizza ! Eat and then walk over to the movie! Think were going to have to flip over what movie to watch hubs wants to see anger managment but I've heard 2 bad reviews on that.. not terribly bad but that Bringin down the house is much better. I guess I'm willing to watch whatever just looking forward to going out 2gether.

Buy stock in Kool-Aid it's gotta go up cuz my kids are drinking it like crazy 2 pictures in a day and 1/2. Summer time is crazy kool-aid cuz with all the kids here all day I have a giant gallon picture thingy anyways and make 2 a day it seems. Mmmm sounds good I made a kiwi-splash thing earlier was yummy. I'm in a goofy mood. Tell ya all later Bye till then.. if I get back online who knows maybe I'll be stuck in bed all night if I'm not sleeping it's OK.. but if hubs is it's not. Then I'll be back.. omg that didn't make sense did it. OK if hubs stays awake for a few rounds I may not be back.. but if he crashes on me I'm outta there LOL not in a bad way... just he crashes at like 10-11.. no way I'm hitting the sac that early unless he's so wore me out. Hehehe ok i'm being naughty Bye

GRrrr

I can't figure it out. Trying to .php pages and re-code some websites using dynamic whatever.. 5 years ago when I learned to make websites it was plain ole html and some dhtml now you never hear of dhtml.. it's php or perl and cgi-bins java's been around but whoaa this programming stuff is hard I think I have the ftp program down finally and that's cool! I'd like to try out the graphic program on my puter to design some other neat things while the trial is avaliable and see if it's something I'd like. I just get into reading and reading here online and trying this and re-writing that program and nothings working:( Anyone know anything about php? I've read every tutorial and website help I could find on it and I upgraded I have the ability to do it all just codes not working somewhere? Booo Anyways I'm nuts for being up so late gotta go. Nite!

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Break Away

I'm playing FFX but died 2 times now trying to beat this seymore guy at the top of Mt. Gazet. So I popped on quick to check some mail but going to give it a go one more time 2nite. If ya wanna chat Message me I have it on Buzz if it's Yahoo K:) So nothing new 2nite took my son and couple of his friends to the pool and played some Bball. Had taco's for supper and cleaned the house finished up some things.. water the grass seeds hopefully will grow. M a guy that worked with me last summer gone away for the school year sent me a postcard so cute! OK the fightin music's back on the game so I'm going for now. I have lots of things to do on puter later.. bbl

Picky

Worked last night went smooth nice... Then waitresses suggested we go to the casino.. I wasn't in the mood but she was and her bf so thought OK if boss going too wth. Was fun I was thinkin if someone is losing if they'd have just followed me I'd have made them a 'winner' but didn't. Then again I had a couple on the way up and that always 99% of the time makes me frisky stupid anyways. Hehehe anyways think earlier conversation made it worse but whatever it's so nice outside. Filled the birdfeeders this morning and the gold finch one's 1/4 gone already... kids love to watch them all.

I have to get my garden tilled. I could have a few things planted already but havn't had the time or ambition or something to get it done. Maybe this weekend if it's nice. Fishing opener and hubs will be gone most weekend doing that. That's OK it's our 5th anniversary friday. Want to do something for him with him just nothing sounds too fun specially to do during the week. Wed night I think we'll go for supper somewhere and catch a movie maybe or if it's really nice out drive down to the lake.. pop into the cabin and visit or ya know something. I don't know something different to do.. or maybe head outta town for a few hours. No where special I want to eat out at plus I'm picky.. people point that out.. Is there anything wrong with that? Naaa I don't think so. I think I give far more compliments and positive statements when felt them.. but speak my voice on things I don't care for as well I sopose.. maybe/??? oh well. I figure being picky is a compliment in it's own way for if I do pick you or something ya know it's gotta be cuz it's good or they are.... (wink)

So how did I do at the casino? Up 15 but then lost $10 whoopiee LOL it's still kinda fun. I'm in a quiet mood today. Don't want to talk to anyone shut my ringer and TV off just popped on here for a sec while kids playing. Decided no nap 2day although I may regret it 2nite when it's later and they're extra tired. But since the time change it's been hard getting them to bed at night let alone it's a little light out yet at 830. OK I'll off to sit outside with a book if I can find one I havn't read that's not some slut romance novel like the box full my mom-in-law gave me. Maybe I will read one wth never read one for long time... I'm just more into mystery.. sci-fi.. mind bogglin books. Maybe I should read a cookbook and whip up something unique for supper.

My chives have already came up I picked a few blades of it and thinkin nummmmmy potatos sour cream chives or some potato casserole.. mmmm I should've ate dinner or something today huh cuz I'm thinking food.. just nothing good in the house i need to hit the store when hubs gets home.

Monday, April 21, 2003

MP3

Just love this song and I'm happy! Rem I think I heard or rather drempt are coming out with new album??? Hummm anyone know? Well whatever the case this song makes me smile and wanna bounce!!! Specially even more that it seems like once a week when the kids are watching Sesame Street that cute revised version of the song Shiny Happy Monsters comes to my mind.. so cute.. My kids go nuts dancing and bouncin and when the monsters get sad.. furry sad monsters all around... they pretend to cry too.. so cute!

I should try to find the sesame street version of the song! Well for now you can download this one by right click save.. or I don't know with my new windows XP it doesn't even download just starts playing on my MSN explorer kinda cool! Saves lots more time! Neato. Bye gotta get ready for work

Tired

I didn't get to sleep til round 5am this morning crawled into bed and hubs alarm started going off just as I was getting to sleep... snoring kept me tossing and turning for an hour b4 that he's so loud.. then the dreadful radio/alarm going off and full volume and his clock is set 15 min fast.. he gets us usually by 505 or so but alarms set for 440.. so really it's 430.. so from 430-505 I hear that wake the dead radio station blared and makes me jump and he doesn't even hardly ever hear it some mornings it will blare for 10 minutes or more.. but I am practically kicking him get up and he hits snooze again and again.. Grrrr at 500 I finally got all the way outta bed took the alarm clock and said I'm throwing this here alarm clock out the window.. and unpluged it and said you better get up... I crawled back in threw the pillows over my head and layed there he finally gets outta bed round 530.. he's going to be late... naaa he can still make it. But jeezzz so I'm tired.

My bro went back home 2day coming back thurs night he thought. That's OK he took my ole computer as well sold it to him. Well havn't gotten paid but will I am sure. Kids are outside finally again today warmer out not chilly nor snowy or rainy. Bubbles bubbles bubbles.. kids always get jugs of bubbles for easter... so much fun to watch them.. and fun to make them too.

Gotta lot to do.. guy from bar up the hill coming over to see my puppy. I have to work a private party 2nite. Should take a snoozy huh. K bye

Happy Easter!

Woke up this morning with kids so excited the easter bunny came and ate the carrots my daughter sat out for him. Cute then they searched around and found all the hidden eggs and opened a box my mom sent up. Was fun. Hubs wouldn't wake up til noonish.. when he did I took him into the room and appologized if I f*&ked up his food last night when we all went out for breakfest or whatever happened I didn't feel his temper over stupid food was nessesary.. but I said it nicely... I don't want to argue with him nor on easter or over the fact we were out drinking etc... not worth it. I maybe needed to do things different in the situation as well. Just a few other things that bugged me throughout the nite as well.. no biggy stupid I'm sure but wth.

Wasn't way I wanted to end the night upset let alone the added alchol something always clashes when the both of us drink it seems.. not everytime.. but I don't know what to make of it.. nor want to dwell on it right now. Just sorry it had to end that way was upset he like stormed outta the place and leaves me... kinda upsetting. OK back to happy thoughts. My bro been using puter most the weekend so no time to play at all kinda a bummer. That's OK I should get to bed up late last night and up really early but did take a snooze this afternoon! K bye for now

Sunday, April 20, 2003

What the Hell

My hubs is a dink... over some frickin food that I appologized 4 not knowing what the hell called my boss cleared up at least what was wrong but made me more upset cuz stupid... to get that upset over stupid food... He's gone I came home and drove round a bit looking for him n came home and he was the biggest ass so I told him to leave acting all stupid like that she hopefully he's gone. Some days I honestly wish he'd really just leave.. then for real I don't. I don't know just upsetting and I don't want to be upset. I don't want to have to go 2 bed alone or wake up and pretend everythings OK when it's not really cuz whatever I gotta hide the eggs now