Monday, October 10, 2011

Dear mommy,I have felt your tears, falling on my face.Someone else might think they are tears of sadness, because of what I can't do.I KNOW DIFFERENT.

I know those tears pour from your heart out of gratitude for me, because of what I CAN do : I can love everyone in the purest form possible. Unconditionally. I can be judged, but will never judge in return.I know different because I feel, in your hugs and kisses, that I'm perfect just the way I am.

I have seen you hang your head down in shame, when we go out on adventures.Someone else might think you are ashamed of having a child like me.

I KNOW DIFFERENT.

I know you are ashamed of the grown-ups who ignore me, yet talk happily to all the other children. The grown-ups who won't look you in the eye, but stare at me, when they think you don't see. I know different because I've seen the many, many more times you have raised your head up high, with pride, because I'm yours. : )

I have heard you whispering desperate prayers at night. Someone else might think you are asking God to make me a typical kid.

I KNOW DIFFERENT.

I know you are thanking Him that I got to be here, with you, for another day- exactly how I am. I know different because I have heard you ask me never to leave you. And I have heard you cheer for me, every single day of my life- you tell me I don't need to be typical to be amazing, I just need to be here.

I know you have a big job, taking care of me.I know your body hurts, because I'm getting so big.I know that more than anything, you want to hear me say your name.And I know you worry that you aren't good enough, and that you will fail me.

BUT I KNOW DIFFERENT MOMMY.....I know that even on your worst days, you will always be enough for me, and I will always love you more than you know

Friday, September 9, 2011

10 Things my Autistic kids wished you knew

1. I’m sorry I have fits but I’m not a spoiled brat. I’m just so much younger on the inside then I am on the outside.

2. I’m easily overwhelmed because I see and hear everything. I hear the lights hum and clock tick. Everything is so loud it makes my head hurt all the time and my eyes hurt from all the bright lights.

3. I’m not stupid, I’m actually very smart. I just don’t learn the way you want me to. Please learn about Autism so you know how to help me better understand what you are trying to teach.

4. Please don’t be mad at mommy and daddy because we don’t come over for holidays or birthdays. They really want to go but I don’t do well at another person’s house. It’s too overwhelming for me and they know that. They don’t go because they love me, NOT because they don’t like you.

5. Please have patience with me. I try really hard to make good decisions but I can be very impulsive at times.

6. Yes, I have Autism but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a person because of it. If anything, I’m actually more of a person in spite of it.

7. My house might be messy sometimes. It’s because my mommy and daddy spend all their time trying to find new ways to help me or teach my brother to talk..

8. Just because I can’t talk doesn’t mean I don’t understand what you are saying. My feelings can be hurt just like yours.

9. I wish my mommy and daddy knew how much I love them. I have a really hard time with emotions and I don’t always like to be touched. But I love them more than anything in the world, even more then my Lego’s.

10. I know I can be frustrating but don’t tell me I won’t amount to anything because I have Autism. If you love and support me I WILL do great things in my life in spite of my challenges.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

In the last year Angry birds has grown in popularity, seems like everyone you talk to plays it and Nathan has been playing it since May 2010, six months after it was first introduced as an application for the apple Ipod.

With the ever growing popularity among kids, it still remains difficult to find appropriate birthday party decorations, loot bags and prizes with an Angry Birds theme. So I put my creative hat on and did my best to make it an Angry bird theme.

The Invitation

The birthday invite was simple and to the point.

We added a few personal details to the image but kept it suttle.

(Nathan's Birthday is the score and we added a cloud with the number five)

The Loot Bags

We kept to a bird theme-

So all our guest received a bird feeder filled with bird seeds along with a Loot bag.

Here Alyssa was helping me prepare them all.

The finished product shown here by Alyssa

I also wanted to do something that was a little bit more Angry Bird like so I also made cute little Loot bags for a few other little goodies.

I did a white bird loot bag

and a blue bird loot bag

I wrapped up the bird feeders in red tissue paper and paired them up with a loot bag and balloon. I then hung all of them on the banister and the treats doubled up as a decorative accent. Pretty smart huh?

The Cake

Our Grabber was in shock....

oohhhh how I wish I could have known what he was thinking right at that moment.

Just look at his face.

We all helped in blowing the candle out

Jack was sleeping soundly in his bed so was not around for the picture

The Game

We had a real live action game set up. We had a sling shot and the birds. This was so much fun and I think the best part of the birthday party.

Kids and parents enjoyed it alike and Nathan really enjoyed it. He laughed and giggled a lot.

Here is the game set up

Here's the kids playing the real live action game

Friends and Presents

We had family, close family friends and friends from school join us today. We had so much fun and Nathan LOVED his presents. Thanks to all of you who came and helped make Nathan's Angry Bird Birthday the best ever.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I guess some things never change! Kids were mean to me when I was little and today kids are still mean. Am I overly sensitive or overly protective?

After school today Alyssa was really excited about staying and playing at the school playground because for once we didn't have to run over and pick Nathan up from his school. Nathan's last day of preschool was yesterday and I usually have a 15 minute window between the time she gets out and the time Nathan gets out. Anyway, so I promised Alyssa we could play at the school playgrond after school today. That playground is my nightmare because the kids play rough and they could care less about who's around.

Nathan of course is excited by the playground and can't wait to go exploring, the problem is that he has no concept of danger ( walking in front of swings, walking under monkey bars etc.) so I am forever chasing him. A far cry from all the other parents who get to sit and gab while their kids are playing. Then there's my sweet little Jack. Poor Jack gets to watch from the stroller as I have no way of keeping him safe. I'm afraid he'll get trampled on... okay I'll get to the point now.

As I was following Nathan around the playground, I heard my daughter Alyssa say, " I'm running way from Nathan, quick he can't catch up with us here." My blood started to boil. So I called her over and explained to her that although she thinks it's a game, Nathan is completely unaware of her presents and all of the kids playing with Alyssa were actually teasing and making fun of Nathan. This is not okay. I explained that Nathan has feelings too and asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. She got it right away and changed her ways. I was most impressed.

A few minutes later, I noticed three boys (about 8 years old I'd say) staring at Nathan, trying to get in his way. Then they started making fun of him. ( Nathan was giggling to himself and amusing himself, then of course he started to lick surfaces- This is the part of autism that I can't stand!) I really didn't like what was happening, as the circle got tighter around Nathan, I piped up. "Hey " I said. "I really don't find what your doing funny" They stopped laughing. "Instead of staring at him and making fun of him why don't you actually talk to him. He's a person with feelings you know." " Instead of staring why don't you ask me what's up with Nathan, do you have a question or not?" The boys just said they weren't doing anything and then took off.

Unlike my friends Teri and Jessica, I am not as tactful. I'm sure they would have found some better way, some nicer way to talk to those boys but in the moment, I was hurt and Mama bear came barrelling through.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Six weeks ago, Sean and I purchased a huge 10 man tent with the intent of doing some family camping trips over the summer. We booked three separate sites over the summer and the first three day trip was this past weekend.

I had a lot of anxiety and excitement attached to this event. Our Grabber didn't really know what to make of the tent when we set it up, so you can just imagine what it might be like to ask him to sleep in the tent. On the other hand, if all goes well then it's all very exciting because it's the start of a new adventure for our family.

So many people told me that I was brave for camping with young children. I really don't understand whats so brave about it. It's not like I'm out there fighting off bears and hunting for food. It's simply camping...and yes camping is a lot of work.... but it's also a lot of fun, the key for me was just to let go... don't sweat the small stuff and just go with it.

To start off our very first camping adventure with the Grabber our plan was to stay close to home. That's exactly what we did, stayed close to home, in fact 8 minutes from home... We camped at Goldstream Provincial Park. We got away without going to far... it was indeed a perfect spot for a perfect weekend.

This was our campsite

I cannot emphasize how impressed and blown away I am with Nathan. On a daily basis, I find myself observing Nathan from the outside. Never quite being able to connect with him on the same level. This weekend was different. Nathan was tuned in. He is a nature kid. He was aware of everything around him and smiled and laughed a lot. I've never seen him so happy. His eyes told me so much about what he was feeling. It was amazing!!

Our weekend was filled with activities. We hiked....

and played

and had so much fun

then we found this trail...

which led us to these stairs

Here is the view of the stairs from the bottom.

It was a workout!

and as we got lower down this is what we saw.a beautiful waterfall

My brother-in-law Mike joined us on our camping trip.

He takes amazing photos.

Our family photo by the waterfall

Poor Grabber, his legs quit working after the stair climb back to camp!

About Me

Since the birth of my second child, I have been trying to keep a balance in all aspects of my life (family and career). I have an amazing husband and three beautiful children, one of which has special needs. Together, the five of us are making our journey through life and learning lots along the way.