Beautiful Imperfection

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Have you ever been unsure of what you want but in the same light so sure of what you don’t want?

I took a step back from the industry that is my passion! My soul I call it! Because after all we spend more hours working than anything else it is important to feed the soul for more hours than you starve it!

Why did I take a step back from something I love you may ask? I wanted to know that my direction was correct, I wanted to expose myself to something alternative! I wanted to know nothing at all to empower my weaknesses.

Today I interviewed for a company, it is my industry! I walked in with confidence and pride! I have never feared interviews because I see them as two people assessing each other rather than them assessing just me! They may have something I want but actually I have more to assess, them personally and the company itself!

I walked away from my interview disappointed! Not in myself but in the company and my interviewers perspective!

Yes this man has a business and yes he has built something but to me he has lost the beauty and passion of the industry, he has forgotten what drives it! Maybe just maybe that is why he has become successful but is success without passion really worth it!

After pleasantries and being told how suited I am, I asked him if we are in the same interview! Bold you may say, honest Is how I would word it!

An industry that is beautiful, artistic but based on the development of relationships to bring value and solution and not once did he engage with me as a person (I gave him many opportunities too) his questions were flat! “How much business can you bring and when”

While I respect these are important questions, my view is people who understand people and see there qualities would have a key indicator of what someone could bring!

Then I raise question to myself am I being soft was I a little afraid that I couldn’t give a definite answer because I have been out of the industry for over a year!

No I’m not afraid, I know I can deliver…but would I deliver under the guidance of a finance and statistically focused tyrant that seems to have lost passion for what got him there? No is my straight answer!

Has this year been beneficial to my career…. Not really! Has it developed a sense in me that I wasn’t even aware I had! Totally!

You know the level of hipocracy In this world is striking! I get told I’m foolish and stupid for not walking away not giving up on someone I love! Then in the very next breath I’m told “your giving up” Charlie you give up on things in life too easy if you stuck at them and powered through then you may just achieve!

Why when giving up relates to a goal or material thing is it seen ok to not give up but it is seen ok to give up on someone who has been your everything for so long!

Conclusion people have more faith in material goals than human beings!

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which ultimately makes beauty an individual perspective but what happens when the beholder is influenced by it’s surroundings and it’s world wide happenings. We begin to follow the trends, the most popular uproars, we follow what is communicated to us in mass! Does this not question our ability and perception of having a unique eye for beauty?

You may wonder what point I am trying to make but in this world there are xxx amount of people, people spend their entire life seeking acceptance among people, in order to do so they follow trends and beliefs of what will have started out as one persons belief! So let’s use the power of human flaw and lack of individuality to see if I can let you understand how I feel and what I believe.

What I believe does not delve into politics or right or wrong. It simply looks at every person in this world as human beings! People who deserve a chance to have there own individual creation of unique beauty or stepping a way from a literature metaphor people who deserve the chance to survive.

I am no superhuman nor can I claim that I do not read what is trending. Well let’s be honest in this technological phenomenon of a world we live In how can we escape it! But what is distressing to me is how easily we pick up and put down things, how easily we make a comment to contribute to the trend but have no real power to make change and affect.

Let’s go back to picking up and putting down things! We so easily pick up beliefs of others, run with them then drop them when a new story or happening comes to light! for me I can see why, ultimately it is because most people that have the luxury first of all to have a mobile phone, an internet connection or a gate pass to our technological phenomenon to contribute their beliefs are people that are not directly affected!

I am not directly affected but I am hurt I am hurt that as human beings we can so easily put down the hurt and suffering of other events that took place previously! My news feed is Gaza Gaza Gaza supporters, deflecters, opinions, contributors! But what about Syria what about other war stricken countries, in fact not even just war zones just people whose living conditions generally result in suffering! These places all have human beings like ourselves that are suffering, humans that are forgotten about because the new trend on twitter or Facebook has changed!

I do not care who is right or wrong I do not care who wins, what I care about is the pain and suffering of humans, children, babies people who probably have more of a perception of beauty than anyone of us because they have nothing!

I care that these people are suffering! Suffering not by choice! Yet they have more faith and compassion than most of us! We spend so much time seeking acceptance and gaining common ground of the nation that we seem to forget that in our quest of acceptance or to have our voices heard these people are seeking survival!

We have hundreds of channels to connect with each other, to remember things….things we consider important. But what about the forgotten humans, forgotten suffering…. What about the people who can not connect and express what seeking survival is like in comparison to us merely seeking acceptance!

To me you are a person, everyone of you are people, in every day life I pride myself on reflecting this by the way I communicate and treat people across all classes, religions and nationalities In the same way! I do not judge people by place or religion i open up my world my heart and mind, in a hope that they will not give me a reason to judge them!

I will not create a hierarchy out of suffering by dividing and ranking death rates and displacement numbers but I will say that since 1979 to present day across the board we have had nearly 3 million deaths and over 6 million people displaced! (These numbers change dependent on source so in no way am I claiming they are correct)

I am asking you treat people as
people! Human to human! Take away the reason for fighting, take away the politics and religion and imagine your self seeking survival not social acceptance!

So I am having an internal argument that relates to…well what else other than the justification of my internal arguments…. Perhaps I am trying to justify my sanity (which for those that know me it is a close call) Or I am simply trying to display that self battle and over thinking may just be the beauty of an inquiring mind!

I get frustrated with my indecisiveness my lack of sureness that I have all the answers but as my mind dances through the wonders of the world and it’s happenings I am thankful that I do not know everything!

My mind goes to war with itself I am humoured and satisfied that at least I have the integrity to admit my lack of integrity!

There has only ever In my life been two people that I have ever shared these internal battles with! This is mostly due to the fact that they are my people they understand me and well they don’t really have a sanity line where I’m concerned, they accept my mind as a whole package! Crazy, curious, and sometimes inquisitively yet humorously stupid!

Now all the talk about sanity has probably got you thinking that my self battles lack intellect. Well I beg to disagree….. My battles are deep and meaningful often trying to conquer world wide issues with reason and direction but given the state of the worlds happenings ones mind sometimes has to delve Into a battle of mindless nonsense! Humorous yet in my mind still a valid argument

For example some time ago And still to this day I find myself pondering about lettuce leaves…. Do lettuce leaves have a personality based on their taste?? I mean, come on a leaf is a living organism doesn’t that make it alive, I am alive, I am judged by words, actions and branded with a personality…. If a lettuce leaf you know has that poignant, soily bitter taste do you think that results in them being a bad living organism (like maybe a criminal) or simply just a living thing that in the world of leaves is a mean leaf!

Sooooooo you tell me are my self battles that are not directly world affecting when said out loud sending me double hurdling and nose diving over the sanity line or do I simply have an inquiring mind?