CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.

unearths some literary gems.

Methodically, and with infinite accuracy, he recited "Thanatopsis" in its entirety, including the punctuation.

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[Cassie has trouble with her bifocals.]

"Last week, I went right /through/ the bakery kitchen display window at Peirce's. Right through! And it was lemon pie day."

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"When I asked her for references, she told me candidly she didn't have any, but if I really wanted them, she knew a woman in Boston who wrote peaches at four for a dollar, and if I'd lend her the dollar--"

Leonidas, affixing his pince-nez, bowed from the waist in a courtly manner.

"If I must, dear lady," he said, "I must."

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"They will most certainly discuss it. Ad, I should say, infinitum."

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"To think that I held the clew in my hand half the morning! I dandled it on my knee."

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His jaw was still jutting out, although no one had taken the trouble to notice it.

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"She's one of those 'You-can-afford-it-but-I-couldn't-possibly' women," Cassie continued. "She could, of course, but she doesn't."

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"Cassie's grandson has already let me down. Thud, thud--"

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His large black eyes.... lingered for several seconds on Leonidas. He was obviously thinking of Shakespeare, and his restraint in commenting on the resemblance further endeared him to Leonidas.

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Somehow, with some deft eyebrow work, she managed to convey to Rutherford the impression that these unexpected guests had thrown everything into a hideous turmoil, and that the only possible salvation lay in Rutherford's building boats with Jock.