Why I’m not rescuing my kids from failure

Mama, I know what you're thinking. "What do you mean? You want your kids to fail?" Let me explain... I allow them to make low-stakes (safe), age-appropriate mistakes that do not have a huge impact on their daily lives.

The mama bear in me wants their lives to be smooth and failure-free. Thing is, I wouldn’t be teaching them anything by trying to protect them from failures at every turn. I know I wouldn’t be doing them any favors in life, either.

When they do make those inevitable mistakes, there are natural consequences. Sure, it would take less effort to remind them to complete their homework, pack their ballet and swim bags or clear out their school cubbies at the end of the day. But they also wouldn't feel responsible for taking charge of their actions or things if I did things for them all.the.time.

I can't tell you how many times my oldest has had a minor freakout about not finishing her homework when I started scaling back on trying to protect her so much from preventable failure. I bite my lip, smile and stop myself from offering help. By the end of the car ride to school, she almost always comes up with solutions on her own— “I’ll tell the teacher I forgot (taking responsibility!) and promise to have it done by the following day (problem solving!).”

I have endless tales of forgotten ballet shoes, goggles or precious lovies and guess what—we all survived (even the preschool lovie crisis when my youngest forgot her best buddies over a long weekend!).

I have to remind myself that consequences are gifts in disguise, though, not a dereliction of my motherly 'duty' to protect my children from challenges.

There are days when I have to stop myself from trying to overprotect them with every ounce of my being. In those moments, I remind myself to step back and envision who I want my girls to become—resourceful, confident, independent and competent adults.

I have to remind myself that I learned some of the most important lessons in my life by making mistakes.

I not only learned how to cope with setback and failure, but I also got a lesson (or a few hundred) in problem-solving and perseverance.

I have to remind myself that my girls need to know it's okay to make mistakes as long as they own up to those failures and learn from them. They will only become more resilient and resourceful by failing.

And so far so good—they are both very comfortable with making mistakes (sometimes a little too comfortable!). We're still working on the 'what we've learned and what we'd do differently next time' concepts, but hey, one step at a time... For now I revel in the fact that I am doing what I can to teach them that making mistakes is okay.

So do I want them to fail? No. Absolutely not. Do I understand that they MUST fail in order to develop vital skills to succeed in life? Yes. With a heavy heart at times, but positively, YES.

When you become a parent for the first time, there is an undeniably steep learning curve. Add to that the struggle of sorting through fact and fiction when it comes to advice and—whew—it's enough to make you more tired than you already are with that newborn in the house.

Just like those childhood games of telephone when one statement would get twisted by the time it was told a dozen times, there are many parenting misconceptions that still tend to get traction. This is especially true with myths about bottle-feeding—something that the majority of parents will do during their baby's infancy, either exclusively or occasionally.

Here's what you really need to know about bottle-feeding facts versus fiction.

1. Myth: Babies are fine taking any bottle

Not all bottles are created equally. Many parents experience anxiety when it seems their infant rejects all bottles, which is especially nerve wracking if a breastfeeding mom is preparing to return to work. However, it's often a matter of giving the baby some time to warm up to the new feeding method, says Katie Ferraro, a registered dietician, infant feeding specialist and associate professor of nutrition at the University of California San Francisco graduate School of Nursing.

"For mothers returning to work, if you're breastfeeding but trying to transition to bottle[s], try to give yourself a two- to four-week trial window to experiment with bottle feeding," says Ferraro.

2. Myth: You either use breast milk or formula

So often, the question of whether a parent is using formula or breastfeeding is presented exclusively as one or the other. In reality, many babies are combo-fed—meaning they have formula sometimes, breast milk other times.

The advantage with mixed feeding is the babies still get the benefits of breast milk while parents can ensure the overall nutritional and caloric needs are met through formula, says Ferraro.

3. Myth: Cleaning bottles is a lot of work

For parents looking for simplification in their lives (meaning, all of us), cleaning bottles day after day can sound daunting. But, really, it doesn't require much more effort than you are already used to doing with the dishes each night: With bottles that are safe for the top rack of the dishwasher, cleaning them is as easy as letting the machine work for you.

For added confidence in the sanitization, Dr. Brown's offers an incredibly helpful microwavable steam sterilizer that effectively kills all household bacteria on up to four bottles at a time. (Not to mention it can also be used on pacifiers, sippy cups and more.)

4. Myth: Bottle-feeding causes colic

One of the leading theories on what causes colic is indigestion, which can be caused by baby getting air bubbles while bottle feeding. However, Dr. Brown's bottles are the only bottles in the market that are actually clinically proven to reduce colic thanks to an ingenious internal vent system that eliminates negative pressure and air bubbles.

5. Myth: Bottles are all you can use for the first year

By the time your baby is six months old (way to go!), they may be ready to begin using a sippy cup. Explains Ferraro, "Even though they don't need water or additional liquids at this point, it is a feeding milestone that helps promote independent eating and even speech development."

With a complete line of products to see you from newborn feeding to solo sippy cups, Dr. Brown's does its part to make these new transitions less daunting. And, for new parents, that truly is priceless.

This article was sponsored by Dr. Brown's. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

While Simpson didn't explicitly state that she was naming her child Birdie, the numerous references to the name in her shower photos and IG stories have the internet convinced that she's picking the same name Busy Philips chose for her now 10-year-old daughter.

The name Birdie isn't in the top 1000 baby names according to the Social Security Administration, but It has been seeing a resurgence in recent years, according to name nerds and trend watchers.

"Birdie feels like a sassy but sweet, down-to-earth yet unusual name," Pamela Redmond Satran of Nameberry told Town and Country back in 2017. "It's also just old enough to be right on time."

Simpson's older kids are called Maxwell and Ace, which both have a vintage feel, so if Birdie really is her choice, the three old-school names make a nice sibling set.

Whether Birdie is the official name or just a cute nickname Simpson is playing around with, we get the appeal and bet she can't wait for her little one to arrive (and her feet to go back to normal!)

Mamas, if you hire a cleaning service to tackle the toddler fingerprints on your windows, or shop at the neighborhood grocery store even when the deals are better across town, don't feel guilty. A new study by the University of British Columbia and Harvard Business School shows money buys happiness if it's used to give you more time. And that, in turn could be better for the whole family.

As if we needed another reason to shop at Target, our favorite store is offering some great deals for mamas who need products for baby. Mom life can be expensive and we love any chance at saving a few bucks. If you need to stock up on baby care items, like diapers and wipes, now is the time.

Right now, if you spend $100 on select diapers, wipes, formula, you'll get a $20 gift card with pickup or Target Restock. Other purchases will get you $5 gift cards during thispromotion:

$20 gift card when you spend $100 or more on select diapers, wipes, formula, and food items using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock

$5 gift card when you buy 3 select beauty care items

$5 gift card when you buy 2 select household essentials items using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock

Alexa and Carlos PenaVega

The Spy Kids actress and mom to 2-year-old Ocean will soon have to get herself a double stroller because PenaVega and her husband Carlos are expecting again.

"Holy Moly!!! Guys!!! We are having another baby!!!!" captioned an Instagram post. "Do we wake Ocean up and tell him??!! Beyond blessed and excited to continue growing this family!!! Get ready for a whole new set of adventures!!!"

Over on Carlos' IG the proud dad made a good point: " This year we will officially be able to say we have 'kids!' Our minds are blown," he write.

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