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Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face.

Mike says, "Pat, what are you so happy for?"

"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike. She couldn't swim!"

The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, "What are you happy about today Pat?"

"Well Mike... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me...tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I told her 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike!
She couldn't swim!"

A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat down there
cryin' over a beer.

Mike says, "Pat, what are you so sad for?"

"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me...tits WAY out to here, Mike. Tits WAY out to here.
She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike, way WAY out...much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'It's either screw or swim!' She pulled down her pants and.....She had a dick, Mike! She had this great BIG dick! ... and I can't swim Mike! I can't swim!"

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
Walter Matthau