A satirical blog about media, marketing, advertising, politics, pop culture, etc. All references to actual companies, products, people, etc. is for the purpose of parody. All writing is copyright by Greg Medernach, and is mostly intended as absurdist humor, and as a portfolio of comedy and creative advertising material. Questions and Comments: unconditionedresponse@yahoo.com

Friday, November 18, 2016

EU Cookies

Actually, the truth is that we got some notice on our blogs today that said there’s a new EU law that requires us to notify EU readers about how our blogs use cookies, and it has to be posted on our blogs. So okay, considered yourself notified. Except that I don't know how they work on here anyway, so I suppose I am some kind of criminal now in the EU for my cookie-inspired ignorance. (Oh, and also, Google said they would post that notice on our blogs in EU countries, but that it was our responsibility to make sure it appears there in those countries, and because I don’t live there, it seems a little complicated for me to find out from Los Angeles, California. So I am posting this insufferable post to make absolutely sure you guys under the thumbs of excessive EU regulations get the message about how I am force-feeding your computers cookies that are fattening for them and give them high blood pressure and diabetes and whatever else. I don’t mean for it to happen; I just can’t help myself. Mwa ha ha!)

The truth is, I doubt there’s much cookie activity with this here blog thingy I have posted upon that series of tubes known as the internet. I think whatever cookies Blogger uses are the only ones you will get by coming to this here blog. But if you click on the links to the news stories or photos referenced herein, you will likely get the cookies from those websites too, but that’s hardly my doing: I don’t even know what cookies they have on the sites I link to, but I do know that they’re all safe, according to my browsers, and I try to make sure that I don’t link attachments to anything that seems sketchy or inappropriate, so there you go.

I have to wonder if the EU is confusing internet computer cookies with real, edible cookies due to their name, and they were worried maybe their kids would eat more cookies and get fat like Americans, or even more undesirable, get Michelle Obama mad at them for doing nothing to stop the flow of cookies into their children’s hungry young mouths. (Of course, I am only joking, and despite my jokes on this blog regarding Michelle Obama’s healthy food and exercise initiatives, I have nothing but respect for our FLOTUS, and I appreciate what she’s been trying to do vis-à-vis the health of our kids, although I do oppose the confiscation of brown bag lunches prepared by children’s parents, because that’s a bridge too far in terms of sticking noses in where they do not belong, and I hope Michelle Obama was not responsible for that bit of nanny-stateism. All the government should be doing is educating and advising regarding stuff like this; when they actually interfere in how parents raise their children, outside of abuse, that’s abuse of another sort: an abuse of power.)

So I hope this will serve as an acceptable requisite notification about the cookies on the blog that I have no control over anyway, and really don’t know that much about either. And if the EU wants me to stick this silly notification about cookies based on their new dumbass law on the top of my blog along with the title and header, then I would like to tell them where else they can stick it. Because after all, once anyone has loaded the webpage for the blog, any blog, the cookies have already loaded anyway, and it’s too late to stop them. I have no idea how to prepare some kind of consent thing for a law that doesn’t even apply to me in America anyway, so screw it. If they’re mad at me for not respecting their new ninny law, then they can go ahead and have INTERPOL extradite me from America to go to their Socialist gulag, if they can get the US government to agree to it. So knock yourselves out if you want to try it, EU. Wouldn’t it be easier for them to just warn their citizens about the enormous personal risk associated with cookies and then let them make up their own minds? This is the internet blog version of those ridiculously enormous clothing tags with tons of multiple languages writing all about where it came from and what it’s made out of, and that is made out of ridiculously uncomfortable material that only scratches you more if you try to cut or remove it. And it’s only there at all because it’s mandated by our silly government who would never have had to mandate it to begin with if they didn’t send all of our manufacturing jobs overseas to begin with to help the rich get even richer exploiting foreign labor markets and betraying the American middle class, those treasonous jerks.

Gee, I wonder if this new law is meant to censor people who write pro-Trump material on blogs. Well, you won’t find much (or any) of that here, so…