My Husband Gets On My Nerves and Won’t Help Around the House

Have you ever said, “My husband gets on my nerves and won’t help around the house?” or something similar to that. I think we all have our moments where we wish that our husbands would just simply think like us and perform as we see it should be done, but it doesn’t work like that. There are times where the light bulb needs changing, the kids are overwhelmingly hyper, and you just need an extra hand or 12 and your husband is re-watching the highlights of the football game from last Sunday because obviously it is very important. You know, because, Peyton Manning and Drew Brees are helping pay the mortgage… NOT! In your eyes, it is not important at all. In his eyes, he is doing precisely what he feels he should be doing. So, once again, wires are crossed.

What exactly do you do when your husband gets on your nerves? Well for starters, scientifically, you have to go through two layers of skin in order to get to your nerves. If someone gets on your nerves rather it be your husband or the cashier, you have let that person go too far. We cannot let issues linger. As women, we get to set the tone of our homes. Is it going to be organized or messy? Full of home cooked meals or take out? Extra-curricular activities or screen time? Peaceful and calm or stressed and difficult? People getting on each others nerves or the art of mutual respect shared amongst family? Women, we set the tone for the home and know that whichever tone we decide to set everyone in the house picks up on it, whether we verbally state it or not.

Now, there are times my husband and I get out of sync (which is what I like to call it) and I don’t like it one bit. I am thinking right, he is thinking left. I am thinking right now, he is thinking later on in the day. I am thinking Barnes and Noble, he is thinking Bass Pro Shop. I am thinking I need a break, he is thinking going fishing. I am thinking the house needs to be clean and he is thinking his wife should do it. LOL.. You know stuff like that. Just to set our record straight, my husband is a big help around the house especially with our new little cupcake cooking in the oven. But with two different people it is so easy to be out of sync. To want two totally different things at the same time. Being on two different pages does not mean it is the end of the world, it just means that with a little elbow grease you need to get back on the same page.

So how do you get on the same page when your husband is STILL getting on your nerves, you may ask? What if you need help around the house and he doesn’t feel like that is a mans job to do? What about when you ask him to take out the trash or change the porch light bulb and a week later still nothing? It is very unnerving to feel like you are not being heard and your feelings are being ignored. No one wants to feel like the person that I am trying to make happy is not trying to make me happy. It doesn’t feel good. It is stressful. Women are usually the ones who have to accommodate for our mens activities, and it WILL get on your nerves when they aren’t accommodating for yours. And still, what do you do?

DON’T NAG…

No matter how much you think that is okay and acceptable, it’s not. Who wants to hear over and over about all the things that they have done wrong. Not a one of us. But for some reason ladies we have a bad habit of doing this. If it is something you want or need help with, say that. ONCE! No more than twice, just to serve as a FRIENDLY reminder. Think of it from a biblical standpoint. “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” Proverbs 21:9. Throughout Proverbs, King Solomon is speaking to his son. A father giving advice on marriage. Men are not equipped to deal incessant arguing and in this verse are told that if you can live in a large house but if you have an argumentative/nagging/quarrelsome wife, it is much better to find a corner on top of the roof than have to deal with that. Don’t be that wife.

YOUR NEGATIVITY WILL NOT WIN HIM OVER

If you bounce a ball at a wall, what happens? It bounces back at you! Why do we think when we start an argument, an argument won’t come back at us? When we are speaking negatively to our spouses, our spouses will be inclined to want to speak negatively back. Sincerely think about if what is getting on your nerves worth putting your husband down with your words. He is still a person yearning for your love and support. Although you may not feel like you are receiving doesn’t give you the right to go tit for tat. Remember they are from Venus and you have to explain to them in a way they can understand. Without the belittling.

2 POSITIVES + 1 NEGATIVE + 1 POSITIVE = A HAPPY HOME

When I was teaching, I had to take classes on how to tell parents about their kids behavior, good or bad. Teachers are taught to praise more than criticize. Point out what is going right with a child on a consistent basis. Send smiley faces home. Things like that. Call parents just to let them know that there child is special and went the extra mile in class. This is done so that if a child has a bad day, and the parents have to be involved, the parents won’t immediately jump on the defense. If I am your child’s teacher, and I constantly am calling you about your child’s minor infractions, forgetting homework, tapping a pencil, throwing paper, running in the hallways at some point you are going to shutdown and feel like its not your child but me with the problem. You will stop wanting to listen to me because every time I come to you is with a problem and never anything good. No one wants to hear that, although it may be true. Same with our men. We have to praise them for the big and small. Let them know they are appreciated. Even if it is something as small as him bringing you a glass of water. He stopped what he was doing to do that for you, big or small, celebrate it.

2 POSITIVES + 1 NEGATIVE + 1 POSITIVE…

This was the concept given to teachers. When you have to explain to a parent about their child’s shortcomings start with two things positive about their child. Then say what the negative behavior was and then end it with something positive. That way they will understand that they do have a good kid, kid made a mistake, but you still think the world of them. Do this with the man in your life, here is an example:

“Baby, I appreciate you working so hard for me and the kids (1st positive) and you picking up dinner on the way home was a real life saver after a day like today (2nd positive). Lately, I have been feeling really swamped doing this housework by myself and I need your help maybe after you wind down from work before you hit the Xbox (the one negative) you can help me knock out some laundry and unload the dishwasher for 30 minutes max! You doing that will really help me out a lot (ending with a positive)!”

Leave the attitude, sarcasm, and condescending tone somewhere else. If you want the assistance of your husband ask without all the negative connotations. A man will never respond how you want him to when you are screaming, cursing, and belittling. He will feel attacked and go on the defense or just shutdown. Then nothing really is going to be resolved. And Who Dat say they want a mean, angry wife… Not my husband for sure…

TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK

One thing men need to understand is their power to lift us up by being on our team, having our backs. When we feel in our hearts that they are completely for us, we blossom. Having a common goal and working toward it together is what makes any relationship stronger. If you have been swamped running errands and haven’t got to the housework, call in your “teammate.” Babe, can you sweep the floor while I am doing the laundry and I will come behind you and mop it? Can you clear the table and I will come behind you and wipe it down? It is always good to know we truly have a partner in life. Teamwork!!!

I hope that somewhere along this article you can take away something that will spark a positive conversation and your husband will no longer get on your nerves! Or as much!

This post is extremely true in so many ways! You hit the nail on the head about 10x girl! I've had to learn this through experience with people. Not just with my husband but also with others. Most often, people don't want to hear what they are doing wrong even when you are right about what you are saying. I've learned with my husband that often times, I need to not say much and just take it to the Lord. Often times, with me, he says this allows for the Holy Spirit to show me something without him needing to have that awkward conversation. He's the spiritual authority in our home and I've had to learn to mirror this because it is so right! The Bible even addresses being slow to speak and quick to listen, how the Holy Spirit teaches us so that no man need to show us these things about ourselves. When I do need to say something though, as far as being swamped or feeling overwhelmed, I am ever learning (even with hormones jumping all over the place), that the way you described how we should let them know is the only way to get through to them! Great read! xo

Great tips, I loved 2+1+1 advice. I think that would work well with how to speak too children also. I know I often have to correct my son and I need to include more positive statements that are specific not just good job.

This is so chock full of good stuff. Teamwork is important and so is setting the tone. However you determine to meet the work of partnership, relationship and home management is the way the whole family is going to meet those things. There are so many people who really don't understand their power to change the outcome of a situation based on their choice in meeting the challenge. Good stuff.

This was beautifully written. I totally understand the concept, and I have tried it from so many angles. Truth is, my husband has never helped around the house apart from vacuuming his man cave, and I still struggle with convincing him that he should do some of the driving! In many ways I am expected to be the woman, and the man, of the house. This definitely gets on my nerves

This is good advice for couples, it did make me a little nervous about relationships though. I have been single over 3 years and you just reminded me about how cohabiting with someone works. I'm so used to being on my own. I think your advice is good for those who have roommates as well : )

Amazing advice! Sheesh I feel like this pretty much 4 out of the 7 days of the week. Is that bad? Maybe I am doing too much and overthinking things. Maybe I am the one that needs to slow down. But maybe he needs to pick it up…..who knows? BUT, regardless, great post! Thank you for the 2+1+1=LOVE. Never knew that before and will be taking it down in my brain for the next time I feel like "nagging" but shouldn't

This is such a good post. It's totally familiar and I had an "ah-ha" moment when you talked about how women set the tone of the home. It is true for our family especially as I stay at home with the kids. It's something I'd never thought about. I really do have more influence over the emotional status of our little unit!

A military wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, and Louisiana girl through and through aiming to live life in honor of my Creator by encouraging those around me through the life that I lead. I am A Woman The World Deserves