Impact of abuse on the family

The ripple effect

Molestation is a wide-reaching violation, one that often significantly harms not just the child victim, but the family as well, particularly when the abuser is a family member or close friend (as is the reality in 90% of abuse cases). The impact on family members and close relationships can last for years and affect future relationships as well.

Non-offending family members:
The discovery of molestation is often shocking, confusing, and terrifying, and ca result in chaos and upheaval for all of those involve d. Non-offending parents often suffer greatly and are even traumatized when discovering that their child has been abused. They often don’t understand much about this type of abuse until it happens, don’t know who to trust and what advice to listen to, and are usually afraid for the implications on the child and the entire family. The feelings, fears and reactions may feel out of control, embarrassing, or conflicting, but they are completely legitimate and understandable. Specifically, families often contend:

Abuse is painful, ugly, and messy, and there is, unfortunately, no easy way to deal with it. However, with the proper professional care and guidance and a good support system, families can address the abuse in a proper and healthy way, ensure the victim gets proper care and work through the very painful experience. Non-offending parents and other family members are the most important resource that victims have.

Impact on future marital relationships
Molestation can have a serious long-term impact; the damage does not end when the abuse stops, especially if untreated. Abuse can impact a victim’s emotional, physical, behavioral,
educational/vocational, and relational functioning, which can significantly challenge the building and maintenance of a healthy marriage. Specifically, many victims often contend the following issues in their marital relationships:

Internal chaos leading to a ‘crisis mode’ type of functioning, which hinders the ability
to establish a healthy, stable, predictable home

Difficulty with trust, A cornerstone of marriage and healthy relationships

Difficulty with openness and emotional intimacy

Inability to share the history of abuse with their spouse because of shame

Fear of and difficulty with physical closeness and intimacy

Dissociation, emotional distance

Disgust, anger or guilt

Flashbacks or painful memories

Emotional stress and pain related to taharat hamishpacha and the mikva

It is important to know that despite the painful challenges, with proper individual and couples guidance and counseling (for both the victim and their spouse), relationships can improve greatly, and couples can go on to understand and support each other, and build healthy and strong relationships.

Impact on future generations
Unless properly treated, molestation can impact not only the victim, their families, and their spouses, but can also affect their ability to parent, and thus the lives of their future children. Parents who have been victims of molestation as children may have greater difficulties in parenthood; pregnancy, childbirth and parenting can be a catalyst for triggering the trauma and lead to great emotional distress. Children born to victims of molestation are more likely to deal with the following challenges:

Lack of clear and healthy boundaries

Being unsupervised or left in the care of unsafe adults

Being abused themselves by their abused parent or by other abusers who seek
vulnerable children

More harsh punishments

A disconnected, detached, and/or depressive parent

Being overprotected

A parent who is fearful of touching them in any healthy way (out of fear of being an
abuser)