IF you have a mental spasm Blame it on your protoplasm! You don't need to take the blame For your errors or your shame, All your crimes and those to come Are not due to acting dumb! Escape your duty in this fashion: Call it protoplasm's passion! Blame your cells and genes and say It was all your DNA!

Truth is often unkind. The poseur who passes himself off as Shame reveals himself (and what a disgusting sight it is!) everytime he posts. Shame would have ridden the rails or even walked to get out here to "prove he was a real man" (the mental image is even more disgusting) and punch me out, but you know what they say and what the poseur proves:

A man of words and not of deeds Is like a garden full of weeds.

In this case I'll change that a little:

A man of words who isn't it Is like a bucket full of....

Cruel? No. It's "tough love" and if the REAL Shame HAD even shown up I'd have shown him what that really means.

You, sir, are unkind. You are unkind to Shane. That is all I have to say on the matter.

****

Well, I had to get up early today. Guess why? It's 30 below (Celsius) outside this morning...that would be about 20 below Fahrenheit for you Americans. And our furnace motor has died. That's the motor that blows the forced air...we have an electric forced air heating system here. The motor just makes a humming sound as it tries to start up and run the fan, but it never succeeds in actually starting.

So, it's a good thing I have some portable plug-in heaters here, just in case. There is one sitting under the desk as I type.

The furnace guy should be here with a new motor in an hour or two. This will be his third call here in tbe last 10 days, as we have tried to determine just what the problem was...it proved somewhat elusive...was first suspected to be a bad sequencer (replaced), then suspected to be an accumulation of dirt around the motor (cleaned up), now suspected to be a worn-out motor period (about to be replaced).

There was the time that he drank a two-four, ate six jumbo bean burritos, and lit a cigarette while...anyway, if you'll remember the resulting explosion damned near destroyed about a quarter of the Tim Horton's in Blind River and got the late Shame jailed for "Suspicion of possessing illegal explosives." They finally reduced the charge to "Possession of Cigarettes by a minor" because the couldn't prove anything else -- nobody believed at the time that a 12 year old could drink that much beer.

In some ways I'm almost, but not quite, sorry he's dead. And what a way to go: stumbling drunk into a disused cesspool, coming up twice, murmuring "Mmm, mmm, GOOD!" and then going down for the last time.

I understand that at his burial the firing party shot into the coffin to make sure he damned well stayed dead.

The public toilet at Centerville's Carl's Jr. restaurant never knew what hit it. But police say it was a .40-caliber slug fired from a patron's handgun, which went off as he was hitching up his pants.

Centerville police confiscated the 26-year-old Salt Lake City man's firearm, for which he has a concealed weapons permit, after the incident Tuesday.

Police Lt. Paul Child said the bullet shattered the toilet and sent sharp shards into the man's arm. The minor injuries were treated at the scene.

The toilet? A total loss.

Police said the man told them his pistol fell out of the holster and fired into the toilet as he was pulling up his pants.

"The gun fell out of the holster, striking the tile floor," Child said. "When the gun hit the floor, it went off. ... The man was hit by some of the porcelain in the arm, causing some small lacerations."

No one else was injured in the accident, but a woman in an adjacent restroom reported chest pain after being frightened by the shot. She did not go to a hospital.

Police said the accident would have been prevented if the man had used a more secure holster.

"A good-quality firearm also should not fire if it is dropped," Child said.

No charges are being filed against the man, but Centerville police did take his firearm "for safe-keeping" while they review the incident.

"He was a little shook up, so we just wanted to take it right then and allow him time to gather himself before releasing it to him," Child said.

Utah Highway Patrol Trooper Cameron Roden said police commonly pull weapons permits after crimes of violence, felonies or convictions of weapons violations. But he said agencies also sometimes confiscate weapons for a short time as part of their investigation.

I have a tomahawk like this one, only mine is sharp. REALLY sharp. I also have an extra handle in case I break the one it has. I really like my tomahawk. It's my only friend in the whole world. And it's really, really, really, really sharp.

Well the hatchet, you see, is the one that is real. He got it for attaining First Class in the BSA back in '52, and it came complete with a little leather blade-guard and a sharpening stick. All the others are phantasmagorical derivatives of the hatchet.

And I already TOOK that bullet for Stilly several weeks ago. I guess there was a communications glitch.

I don't remember you mentioning a hatchet, Rapaire. Claymores,and various other blades commonly thought of as swords, and firearms of multiple natures, but I don't think you've ever mentioned the hatchet.

Remember that's only noon in California, so if Amos was any sort of gentleman he'd do it for you and then it would be over with.

Oh good Amos, please know that yesterday I spent in the SLC VA Hospital. I was diagnosed as a dangerous psychotic sociopathic with fully developed homicidal tendencies of an extremely violent nature, but of no danger to society as a whole, only to individuals who criticize me. Therefore I was allowed to go home and return to my pseudo-normal life. Have I ever mentioned my hatchet?

Tomorrow afternoon (2pm, central daylight time) I go under the scope. Yuck. No solid food today, though it was nice of MOM to pour me a glass of white wine this evening. (No red or purple food today, so that leaves white wide open!) Tomorrow is the jug of salty water in the morning. Moonglow is going to accompany me, and probably take me past the Wendy's drive through for chicken nuggets when we finish. I'll bring MOM some fries, and pick up a packet of tartar sauce because I know she prefers that to ketchup.

MOM, I'll be home before you even miss me. Ignore these guys with their retro posts--they're just trying to think of something new to write. It'll come to them soon enough. (January 20 is a great date to plan on having some new stuff to write about!)

I wish to make the following statements and/or questions. They are made freely and without any coericion or intimidation of any sort or by anyone, human OR FAERY.

1. I have never watched "The Brady Bunch." 2. KMnO3 makes a fine bath salt. 3. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. 4. freds and faeries are your best friends. 5. Who would have suspected Ralph? 6. A good hondo needs a good burner. 7. Duns Scotus is dead. 8. Every good boy deserves fudge. 9. If 'tis true, 'tis a pity, and the pity 'tis, 'tis true. 10. Besides, the wench is dead.

: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos

1. A hondo is a form of Andalusian lament or sad song; why does it need a burner.

2. 'Tis is a contraction of "it is. Therefore it would be incorrect to say "and the pity 'tis, 'tis true". Prefer: "And the pity is, 'tis true".

I will go, I will go, When the fighting is over To the Hopeful Land of George Which I left to be a soldier I will go, I will goooooooo.

No, really. I didn't listen to the State of Union rant last night, except for a few moments in the car while driving home from fencing. And even those few moments weren't very enthralling. I mean, where were the stirring phrases, the call to action, the emotion, the soul-stirring passages? Why, it sounded like a staged speech with "Applause" signs on the wall behind the speaker! Has the oratory of the world come to this?? Where are the thunders of Daniel Webster, of William Jennings Bryan, of Ralph Ingersoll, of Martin Luther King, of Patrick Henry, of Lord North, of Daniel O'Connell, of Padraic Pearse, of Rodney Claphart? Gone, all gone!

The contraction 'tis is derived for "it" + "is", as you know perfectly well. It should therefore be clear that using it in the expression "the pity is" is in appropriate. Your correct choices in this expression would be either "the pity o' 'tis, 'tis true" which I find awkward, or "the pity is, 'tis true".

This has been pointed out to you before. Don't make me come over there.

Shane believes what he hears most often. What he hears most often are those hallucinatory voices in his head telling him what an exceptional example of humanity he is. If he'd only get the right meds those voices would shut up. Then he'd believe he's an exceptional example of a dirtbag, which is precisely what the rest of humanity believes about him.

The people will believe whatever they hear most often, Amos. That is the key. All governments are well aware of that fact. Alas, Shane is not a government nor does he control any large media outlets. Think what he could accomplish if he were in such a position...

Right. Now I am trying to figure out where Shane would have found the time and stamina to do that....assuming he started at age 12 or 13...and I think he's in his mid-to-late 20's now...you figure a maximum of 15 years with 365 days a year gives...5,475 days.

Okay. So you divide 260,000 women by 5,475 days...

That means that Shane has, according to him, done the dirty deed with an average of 47.5 women per day ever since he was 12 or 13 years old.

Wow, eh? Where would he get time to eat, sleep, and recharge his batteries?

And who are those women, and why have they not come forward and given personal testimonials?

Absolutely. For instance, Shane claims that 98% of all the women in Canada want to have wild sex with him...and that the remaining 2% already have. That would make...let's see...2% of about 13 million women is...umm...?

How very nice for you. I very much hope that Barky was with you, for life without a trumpeter is dull, dingy, gray, and lacking in voie de vivre. In fact, a study by St. Dismas University showed quite clearly that the root cause of 97.4% of all suicides is a lack of trumpet (or cornet) music, and another 2% is caused by William Shatner's rendition of "Lucy In The Sky." The remainder is due to unknown causes.

A lovely weekend-- a long trek into Mexico to visit the dental surgeon and running around with visiting relatives, dinners here and there, theatre (the San Diego Rep production of "Doubt" is excellent.)

Tomorrow the Eye surgeon counsels me on the relative merits of blindness.