Hey! How was everyone’s day today? You know, even if your day wasn’t all that you hoped it turned out to be, like maybe you were expecting something in the mail that hasn’t arrived yet, or maybe you had a plan for this evening that you were really looking forward to that fell through at the last second in a way that’s totally reasonable so you can’t even get mad about it but you’re definitely disappointed, you should at least be glad that you don’t have salmonella, because that would be terrible. Just ask Martha Stewart! (From Page Six):

Martha Stewart was stricken with salmonella after handling too many Thanksgiving turkeys. The domestic diva told us while shopping for art at Art Basel Miami that she came down with the infection late last month, forcing her to cancel a series of appearances and meetings. While perusing paintings at Lehmann Maupin gallery’s booth — and taking photos of some well-dressed buyers for her blog — Stewart told Page Six: “I never get sick, but I came down with salmonella. I think I caught it because I was handling so many turkeys around Thanksgiving. I was on the ‘Today’ show, I did a number of other [Thanksgiving] appearances. It really hit me hard and I was in bed for days. It was terrible.” But a now-healthy Stewart added there was a bonus: “I lost some weight, though.”

Oh jeez, congratulations on losing all that weight, Martha Stewart, although I bet you wish you had just lost it through a combination of diet and exercise LOLOLOLOLOL. Health really is the most important thing, you guys, and sometimes we forget that until we are reminded, and often by then it is too late. Let’s enjoy these bodies while they still work! Smoke them while you got them! (What?) Incidentally, my day was fine. I ate a salad for lunch, and I watched the Quickfire Challenge from last night’s Top Chef. I haven’t seen the Elimination Challenge, but my friend Max, who is recapping that show for Eater and you should go read his recaps, described the second half of the episode as “The Dark Knight Rises of Top Chef.” Yikes! Can’t hardly wait! Project X! But enough about me, how are YOU?!

My day(s) have been great!. I’m a newlywed, we have our apartment all situated, and tonight I will make veggie burgers with sauteed mushrooms and watch TV with my wife. Took 32 years, but I’m finally happy.

I give today a B so far. For the last month or so there has been road work happening on a street I have to walk on for a fair stretch to get to work and it’s driving me NUTS. Every day is full of surprises. One day maybe a whole chunk of the sidewalk will be blocked off, so that crossing the street is my only option, and just as I start to cross a giant forklift will decide to try to run me over. Another day, there might be a slab of metal perched precariously over a giant hole and I have to hope that it’s a safe enough bridge to walk across. But this morning I had had enough and found a longer but less perilous route.

Work has not been busy at all today, so my coworkers and I had some fun talking about what we would do if we actually had ants in our pants (the consensus was remove them and set them on fire) and making up song lyrics inspired by poorly-written emails from PR people. So that has been fun, but the day has felt super long.

I ate at a PF Chang’s for the first time today. It was entirely edible and pretty decent, but overall exactly what I expect from a restaurant attached to a suburban mall. I was in the suburbs for a few hours and it made me anxious. I do not like suburbs, there are too many car dealerships and malls.

Today has been uneventful so far. I’m reading Raymond Carver for the first time, about halfway through What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. I suspect that he’s overpraised for writing sentences like, “‘Everything’s fine,’ I said, which was not the truth,” but I’m liking the collection more and more with each story. I finished May We Be Forgiven yesterday, which, JEB! I called you out last week too – did you like it? I liked it, I think a lot. Call me!

In actual life news, I held Duke’s ears this morning while he puked. I had instant noodles for lunch, made gourmet by the addition of one egg.

Today, I had to confront head-on that I have a serious case of adult onset ADD. You’d think working from home in your pajamas with unlimited access to all the jewels the internet has to offer would keep you focused on the boring work you hate, but let me tell you right now, it does not.

On the plus side, I ordered some delicious fritters from the Indian restaurant and they sent me a BAG of them. So, there’s that.

Was at a lunch with a client today. The in-house radio started playing “Honesty” by Billy Joel. There was a guy at the bar who was well in the bag, who started singing a long in that kind of choked-up, pre-cry voice that people get when they are half-in-the-bag and full of despair.

Anyway, about the time the chorus comes around the second time, he is full on belting out the song and sort of sobbing, with his eyes closed and without a care that everyone in the restaurant is looking at him, but pretending not to.

At this point, he flails his arm and spills red wine on his lap, then fully breaks down into sobs. A manager comes over, and quells the situation as best as possible, gets him into a back room and away from the paying customers and I believe may have called the police/hospital/authorities.

i kind of know how Martha feels. last week’s cough turned out to be my second bout with pneumonia in 10 months. probably hurt that i drank my way through the weekend [weddings….]

anyway. lucky that this one was walking pneumonia and not like the last one [bed-ridden for 2 weeks]. literally counting the days left i have at this job. and then i have a much needed 3 weeks before the next one starts to get my life in order.

it is a constant struggle to keep up with all BS that is expected of being a functional, responsible adult while fitting in time for everything that we want to do. its a tough balancing act but necessary to do right while staying sane.

1. What’s your favorite Eddie Murphy movie? Nothing late 90s or later, please.
2. Who was better, Vanity 6, Apollonia 6 or Sheila D?
3. Excited about the new Eels Album. Check Stereogum out for their new single
4. I’ve quit redbull and have gotten into coffee.
5. Last regular season week for Monsters Fantasy Football West. Briadu, Gabs and I are in. It’s a battle for the last playoff spot between Just Desserts, Philplusbert, West and Electric Koala.
6. Payton Manning is a shoe-in for NFL comeback player of the year, if I remember correctly he got steam cell stuff done on his neck, someone with better smarts should research this.
7. Got Wild Beasts’ Smother vinyl on the mail yesterday. A+
8. Buffalo chicken sandwich
9. What thread was your first Videogum comment on?
10. What did you eat today?

I got my haircut today at lunch because I’m going to my wife’s office Christmas party tonight. Yes, I will be trapped on a boat floating around the harbor with dozens of lawyers for a couple hours, but really, the jokes will just write themselves. And hopefully they have eggnog. And I listened to the new Scott Walker album a bunch of times because I was the only one in the office and it was great.

My day has been pretty productive at work, though I have a million home things to do to make up for the fact that I did nothing last week because of school, and I’m going away for the weekend (old person birthday party! It’s a formal tea!)
But I get a haircut today, that’s pretty fab.

I’m trying (and failing) to work on presentation for my sociology class after receiving a text from a friend I have a huge crush on, who may or may not have a crush on me as well, saying she wants to talk when I get back from the library. I’m having a weird mix of emotions.

I ate a chocolate croissant and had coffee with egg nog instead of milk. I’ve been in meetings all afternoon and it is really cutting into my internet time. I finally got groceries, all week i was just eating pastries from the cafe next to work. I have to write a paper tonight, but i already have a head ache. I hope everyone else iz doing great!

Recovery update: Still have a giant, but getting smaller, hole in my boob. But things are getting better. Had this crazy vacuum thingy put in this week, which is really cumbersome. I won’t go into to many details, but I have to wear this purse thingy that carries the vacuum at all times, and even sleep with it, but it’ll help to heal faster. My mom is here helping with the kiddo for now and my husband comes home this weekend, yay! On a positive note, it’s a hilarious injury to have, and most of my friends can’t resist texting me variations of “how’s your boobie today.” You can’t stay too grumpy when getting messages like that all day.

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