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When you make a bacon cheeseburger burrito, you can't just put the cheeseburger in a tortilla and hope that anyone would still respect you. So -- because you know you want to be fat, and because that's totally fine on Bacon Day -- we wrapped a crispy bacon weave around a juicy cheeseburger, pickle, onions, and fries (why not?!).

Actually, if you want to get technical, it's wrapped around the equivalent of four cheeseburgers.

Oh, and then we put in more bacon. Seemed like a reasonable thing to do! Reasonableness is great.

Ingredients:

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425°F.

Line a baking sheet with foil and place a wire rack on it. Place 5 strips of bacon in an even layer on the rack. Place fries in an even layer on another baking sheet. Bake both until crispy, about 15 minutes.

Spread out a foot-long sheet of plastic wrap on the counter. Make a 6x6-strip bacon weave (step-by-step instructions below if you’re a bacon-weave virgin).

Put beef in a gallon-size Ziploc bag and roll it out into a 1/4-inch thick, 10-inch square. With scissors, cut off the zipper closure and cut down the side seams, leaving just the bottom seam intact. Unfold the bag and layer on cheese, leaving a 1/2-inch bare on all edges except the top edge, which needs a couple inches. On the bottom third, pile cooked bacon, fries, onion, and pickle. Pull the bottom edge of the Ziploc bag up and over all the filling and roll into a tight log. Tuck the ends in. Pick up the meat log using the bag and roll it off onto the bacon weave, near one edge. Pull the plastic wrap up on that edge of the bacon weave and roll the meat log over the rest of the bacon so it's completely wrapped. Tuck the ends in (photos of these steps are below).

Transfer the bacon-weave burrito to the wire rack and bake for 30 or 40 minutes, which is the difference between medium- and well-done.

Remove from oven and let the burrito rest on the wire rack for 10 minutes. Serve with your cheeseburger toppings of choice.

To make a bacon weave, lay six strips of bacon vertically across the plastic wrap, making sure they’re flush up against each other with fatty sides all facing one direction and meaty sides all facing the other direction.

Flip up the bottom half of every other strip. Lay one strip of bacon perpendicular to those strips, flush up against the back of the folds. Unfold those flipped strips back down over the perpendicular strip of bacon.

Now flip up the bottom half of every other strip in the alternating columns. Lay one strip of bacon perpendicular to those strips, flush up against the back of the folds. Unfold those flipped strips back down over the perpendicular strip of bacon.

Repeat again with the first set of strips, so you'll have six strips going across and three strips going down.

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Now flip the second set of strips down from the top. Lay one strip of bacon perpendicular to those strips, flush up against the folds. Unfold those flipped strips back over the perpendicular strip of bacon.

Pick up the meat log using the bag and roll it off onto the bacon weave, near one edge. Pull the plastic wrap up on that edge and roll the meat log over the rest of the bacon. Tuck the ends in and marvel.