Bottles

I don’t stand in front of a mirror every morning (or in my case afternoon) because I’m so in love with my face. I do it because I’ve gotta take about eighty different products and smear them on my mug so that people will give me the time of day or respect me or at least know that I spend a considerable amount of time watching makeup tutorials on YouTube. I don’t really think people will like me less (would that be possible??) without a carefully placed brow bone highlight but I know “packaging” is important and wine is no exception.

I’ve purchased plenty of wine because it was given 95 points by Wine Spectator or it was on sale or because some pretentious arse went on and on about it for so long that I bought it just so he would stop saying “unctuous”. I’ve also bought wine because the bottle was pretty and I am just the sort of superficial person who likes to have a wine rack full of beautiful bottles. Not surprisingly this strategy has led me to some disappointing purchases but I have also discovered some real gems.

Segura Viudas Reserva Heredad {About $20}: I never buy people the gifts from their wedding registries because I always get stuck with silverware sets and towels, plus I’m a horrible friend. Instead I buy this very impressive looking bottle of cava. All eyes will be on you when placing your superior gift amongst the toasters and Bobby Flay cutlery. (Obviously weddings are the perfect opportunity to attract attention to yourself!)

Dearly Beloved Wines {About $8}: The perfect bottle for Easter Sunday dinner or your biker gang buddies. You show me a person who can’t appreciate the art that is this bottle and I will show you a damn liar! PS I can always find this bottle at Trader Joe’s.

Chloe Wine Collection {About $17}: This bottle makes me want to slip on some white gloves, cut the crusts off a bunch of sandwiches and call the girls over for an afternoon gabfest! (I’ll probably just drink it alone in sweats but you get the idea.) Lately I’ve been making myself a little spritzer with the pinot grigio by adding some frozen strawberries and Cran-Raspberry LaCroix. Très chic!

I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson today. The outside does count. Our moms have been lying to us all along.