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Michael Goldman: State's primary election day is just around the corner

By Michael Goldman

Updated:
09/02/2014 09:36:22 AM EDT

Labor Day is tomorrow, which means only nine more days until the primary election day. If you don't vote, you can't complain when the folks you wanted to get in don't make the final cut.

Have any of you been following the big Boston dust-up over curb cuts for the handicapped on "historic" Beacon Hill? I say the way to resolve the issue is to listen to those who say the new "curb cuts" aren't historically accurate enough to suit the Brahmin Boston of 1750, and instead go back even further in time and make the neighborhood historically accurate to 1600.

Of course, that will mean tearing down all the houses and getting rid of the brick and cobblestone sidewalks; moving out all 9,600 current residents; planting historically accurate trees and shrubs indigenous to Boston circa 1600; and, finally inviting back some of the relatives of the original native peoples to take up residence on their old stomping grounds.

Problem solved.

OK, I'll admit it, I used to laugh at my grandfather because when he'd open the daily paper the first thing he'd check out was the obituary section to see, he said, who among the folks he knew was still standing. I've clearly morphed into my grandfather, because now that I'm 65, I do the same thing every day, too.

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And speaking of the obit page, ever see the ads for so-called "traditional" burial plots? Can anyone tell me what an "untraditional" burial plot looks like? Just wondering.

An eclectic mind at work: Which is creepier, an old-fashioned peeping Tom or the charming folks using new technology to produce those sickening "upskirt" videos? Makes you worry both about staying home as well as going out.

Snuck out of work the other day to see Philip Seymour Hoffman's final film, A Most Wanted Man. I dare you to watch it on a double bill with his Academy Award-winning performance as Truman Capote and tell me he wasn't the greatest actor of his generation.

Warning! Warning! Stay out of Boston and away from UMass Lowell the next couple of days. The college students are back in town, and a thousand pizza-makers are counting the booty to be collected over the next nine months.

On a serious note, Israel taking out the Hamas hierarchy one by one over the past week is what you'd expect the reaction would be after Hamas leaders admitted for the first time last week at a conference in Turkey that they'd kidnapped and murdered the three unarmed Israeli teens in a "heroic operation" with the goal of initiating the latest round of bloodletting. I'm not sure when the madness will end, but I fear it won't be any time soon.

So let's be honest with one another, the Emmy Awards we used to watch aren't the Emmy Awards of 2014.

Who do you know who can honestly say they never saw at least one episode of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, Twilight Zone, Ed Sullivan Show, Laugh In, Bonanza or even The Cosby Show? Now, tell me the number of people you personally know who ever saw an episode of House of Cards, Masters of Sex, Fargo, Orange is the New Black, True Detective or even Mad Men? I, personally, can count them on my hands.

As for me, I'm zero-for-6 and I bet most of you are too.

OK, call me a sucker, but I took the Ice Bucket Challenge and I watched Mo'ne Davis pitch in the Little League World Series, and I'm damn glad I did both.

Call me cynical, but I've got to say I don't believe Shayanna Jenkins' attorney when he claims the 30 times she's admitted committing perjury before the grand jury investigating her fiancé, Aaron Hernandez, were caused by "mere inconsistencies."

It's a grand jury. Investigating murder. She had an attorney. Him!

As the old adage goes: If you can't tell the truth about the crime, you'd damn well better expect to do some serious time.

Did I mention that since Labor Day is tomorrow, that means there are only nine more days to primary day?

Wait, I think I did.

Michael Goldman is a paid political consultant for Democratic candidates and president of Goldman Associates in Boston.

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