Stories that are truly false!!

The RJ Show.. S1E4 N.B.A.

@goodnaijagirl: Thank you Tunde Ednut for that “wonderful” performance. Now it’s time for the last award for the evening, the Nigerian Blog of the Year award. Here are your nominees.

*Screen shows the different nominees*

@goodnaijagirl: And the winner for the Nigerian Blog of the year award for 2011 is…… “Memoirs Of A Woman with Chutzpah” by @neetahblaq.

*Audience applauds as @neetahblaq gets on stage to collect her award*

@neetahblaq: WOW! … 🙂 … I’m…WOW! It’s such an honor to….

*@orokzee gets on stage and snatches the mic from @neetahblaq (Mr West Style)*

@orokzee: I ain’t even happy for you still imma let you finish but I have one of the best blogs of all time. ALL TIME!!! You don’t deserve this award. It should be me. Meeeeeeeeeeee!!! ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Today’s episode is sponsored by Mortein Insecticide… We useless gan. Before I go any further, I must state that to understand today’s episode just take 10mins and read this interesting post by today’s guest.—» Click Here To Read «—- Please do so before you proceed…… Interesting post yeah? I thought so too. I must also apologize to the original guest for today’s show, @Okem_daniels , My bad bro. Next week. Now back to the Beckham picture you were rolling the dice to. Well, as you know, the Nigerian Blog Awards (NBA) was held last week & I attended. I mean, it was sad watching the award I so much love being handed to someone else, The Best Food Blog. Yes, that’s the category I fall into because I provide FOOD for thought… yes? No? *sigh* Una dey vex o. See as una squeeze face. God pass una o. Now, without further ado, Ladies & Gentlemen, our guest for today…. @orokzee

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Woah! You must be really pissed. Anyway welcome to today’s show. I read your post & I must say you made a few valid points but generally even you have to admit it was just a pile of rat droppings. I mean, I’ve read bout two or three of your posts in the past and I’ve gotta say you’re a good writer but this… Mba o.

@orokzee: Don’t say that. I was robbed. After spending hours telling my friends to vote for me I didn’t even win a matchstick. What the fuck is that. I took my time to read the 40 blogs or so that were nominated in general and I gotta say only bout 3 or 4 are ok. *Stands in anger* Even this your blog, this your whole RJ Show ish is crap. You know it, I know it.

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Easy dawg. You see this is what happens when dudes spend time watching The Notebook & Gossip Girl. You tend to get emotional over lil issues and pour your heart out on the internet. You clearly pointed out that the award ain’t worth shit so why all the whole effizy. You need to stop poppin’ ‘em estrogen pills bruf. Not cool. And don’t come to my show and diss me. ‘Tf u think u iz?! Wait, we have a caller on the air…. Sup Paul!

@Giammatti: I dey bruf… I just have one thing for today’s guest ——> __/ or \__ ……. pick one.

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Haha! You well o

@orokzee: *starts weeping* Y’all don’t understand. Blogging is my life. I really thought I was going to win.

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Bruf, you gotta understand. Awards can never satisfy EVERYBODY. My fav blogger, the lil fruit named @terdoh, didn’t even win. We all have our opinions but its votes that count. If you really deserved to win then your voltrons should be the ones complaining on your behalf. I mean, @thetoolsman has one of the best blogs in niaja. Dude didn’t win a thing but he didn’t say shit instead his voltrons did the talking. That’s the way it should be.

@orokzee: *Throws estrogen pill into his mouth* you still don’t get me. I need awards. I want to be loved. I want dudes to DM me and say “dude your blog is amazing, can we hook up”. Errr… girls, I meant, I want girls to DM me. I want to steal people’s chics. I want ugwu leaf in……

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: smh… u lil fagget! Join us again next week for another episode of The RJ Show. And remember, Jesus loves you so put a smile on your face. 🙂 . From our studio here at yaba left, this is RJ saying have a splendid weekend.

::wipes eyes: …fair comment chyk, fair comment (throws estrogen in mouth)…you dont know how much blogging means to me, i just wanna be loved…is that too much to ask? some attention? people are so cruel! gaddamnit! (storms off stage running like lindsay lohan on the beach)…(then returns to hand paper to chyke with the words “DM me wink wink”)

but seriously though, i swear that was hilarious! some semi-serious fun poking is in better taste than the insane ramblings. good job man, get better sponsorship for your show though…mortein IS fucked.