Painful Fear

After months of lowness I'm slapped across the face by wild imagination, after months of curling up in a ball at night and crying myself to sleep I grab hold of inspiration and TUG, using it to pull myself out. I'm suddenly not scared of people. Im not scared of the phone ringing or the doorbell or laughter.....I draw things that make people 'worry about my mental health' but I can't stop. I'm restless, time is a blur, I randomly burst into laughter, I have crazy ideas, I believe ANYTHING is possible....and then right after I finish my artistic masterpiece something terrible happens; either something dear to me is lost or I lose a dear relative. Automatically this plunges me into the depths of fear and I cry until I can't move, breathe or see. My mum doesn't like me at all, none of my family members do...the last time this happened was a week ago. My mum dragged me out of the bathroom where I was hiding by the arm. She took off her shoe and hit me until I couldn't breathe before calling me possessed, telling me I'm the Devil and filling my mind with even more self hate. I woke up the next morning feeling like I was dead. I was too scared to leave my room for fear of what would happen. I lay there, cold and shivering and unable to make any sense of anything as I wondered if there was a way out for me or if I was doomed for this for life. For me art is a passion, my form of expression but now I'm scared. Scared of hurting someone else. Scared of the outcome. Scared of everyone. I shan't complain though, I still have a roof over my head and clothes. I still have a family. I still have a home.

http://instagr.am/p/KR9vWrQTku/ <=== A link to one of my latest drawings called 'Harlequin'

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