Recounting the author’s story based on his own denial, Boys Don’t Tell takes a subjective look back at a life distorted by the effects of childhood sexual abuse and offers insight on why survivors find it so difficult to “just get over it and move on.” Through the eyes and emotions of the author, this book reveals his abuse as a teenager by a trusted minister and mentor, then recounts years of therapy, a formal complaint to The Church, and a lawsuit settled in mediation.

During his twelfth NBA season, Keyon Dooling stood at the top of his game as the designated team leader of the Boston Celtics, firing up his teammates with the ringing challenge, "What s driving you?"

In his memior “What’s Driving You?” Dooling describes his climb through the ranks of the NBA, the effects of a childhood experience that shadowed him during his entire successful pro basketball career and the hidden trauma that led to his widely publicized breakdown.

This inspiring story of courage and resilience shows the healing power of helping others and the critical importance of self care.

This powerful and moving documentary tells the stories of three courageous men, two white and one African American, who have found healing for themselves and helped many others (Asian American, Latino, and gay men are also featured). It is an insightful, wise and compassionate film that perfectly balances storytelling and reflection on issues affecting all men sexually abused as boys, including struggles with intimacy and the cycle of violence. Boys and Men Healing brings not only understanding, but great hope and inspiration, to men still struggling with the effects of sexual abuse, to those who care about them, and to anyone open to learning more about this issue. It truly has the potential to transform individuals, families and societies.

Sorry, we’ve loaned all copies we have. You can see excerpts below and buy the film here.

An extremely helpful book for those in intimate relationships with men (or women) who were sexually abused as children. Covers every topic and question you might have. Very helpful for both people in the relationship, actually, not just the partner.

A great book to help you learn and practice the self-regulation skills essential to recovering from the effects of unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood. It’s particularly good on dealing with dissociative symptoms. As Mike Lew says, "This is one of the best - a clear, thoughtful workbook... If some of it is hard going, stick with it - or come back to it. The effort will reward you. Elizabeth Vermilyea is a genuine ally, providing concrete explanations and specific reasons for everything she suggests."

This well-regarded book is accessible to non-professionals. It has theoretical, research, and clinical chapters that shed a great deal of light on this issue, and moving stories by men who were sexually exploited or abused by women. This book provides needed validation for men who've had this typically ignored or dismissed experience, and many helpful tools for healing.

A totally down to earth book by one of the greatest researchers of what makes marriages work – and last. Gottman's best-seller, drawing on decades of research in his 'love lab,' shows it's not all about communication and provides great practical advice that every couple can use.

R.A. Dickey, a starting pitcher for the New York Mets, beautifully shares his story of persistence and devotion to faith and family, as he works his way around the minor leagues for years, fighting memories of a sexually abusive past and baseball heartache, to eventually find happiness and big league success through therapy, faith, and the knuckleball.

The only anthology of poems written by men with histories of childhood sexual abuse. These poems express experiences and emotions with a directness and immediacy that is often not possible in conversation or other forms of writing. In this way, the poems can be very helpful for men going through similar experiences, and anyone who wants to understand them.

This ground-breaking book sheds light on the origins of male depression (including abusive experiences in childhood), how it’s a much more common problem than most realize, and how our culture continues to cover it up and prevent men from understanding themselves and healing.

The first and still the best book on sexual addiction. A source of compassionate understanding and a path to recovery, for both those suffering from this addiction and those who find themselves in relationships with them.

Updated and expanded version of a best-selling anger self-help book. Lots of great insights into various causes of anger and effective techniques for reducing anger and angry outbursts in one's daily life. Many people have found this to be a truly life-changing book.

Still seen by many as the best self-help book ever written for couples, it directly and clearly explains how childhood hurts affect adult couples and how to create the truly healing and loving relationship that both people want and need.

We cannot recommend this book too highly. It has helped many men to understand and heal - while they are still behind bars - from the effects of childhood experiences that started them on the paths that ultimately landed them in prison.

One of the best-selling self-help books ever, full of helpful insights and useful methods for dealing with depression and what can cause and maintain it. It’s a very practical book grounded in ‘cognitive-behavioral’ therapy models and interventions. While it doesn’t do justice to the true complexity of depression, including in men with histories of child abuse, it has lots of helpful information and techniques.

Provides understanding and great resources for overcoming this increasingly common addiction. Updated version of an already excellent book by a leader in the treatment of sexual addictions and his colleagues.

Great information for new dads, not just about your baby, but about understanding and relating to the mother - your partner in a completely new and very challenging phase of your relationship and adult life.

A book written to empower male survivors of sexual victimization to develop skills they can use to overcome the effects of trauma and learn to thrive in their lives. Male survivors often struggle to feel any sense of hope for the future, so this book is designed to inspire survivors and their allies with easily learned skills developed over the course of the author’s 30-year career, and the real-life experiences of male survivors who have learned to thrive. Available for pre-order now, and will be released in hardcopy and electronic versions on November 5th, 2012.

A Christian/theological book with contributions from 27 people. Dr. Schmutzer uses a collaborative approach to address childhood sexual abuse from a psychological, theological, and pastoral care perspective.

Written by the developers of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression, this self-help book clearly explains what mindfulness is and how mindfulness meditation practices, which anyone can learn to use, can bring freedom from depression. Includes CD narrated by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Clear and simple tools for understanding why one is drawn to pornography, overall and at specific times, and for overcoming what can be a very powerful addiction. Great resource for individuals and therapists.

Written by a therapist and expert in male depression, this book has great insights into typical roles that men and women fall into in their relationships. And it has clear steps for understanding and overcoming these patterns to achieve loving relationships, even after years "out in the cold."

A classic still viewed by many as the best book ever written on psychological trauma and its treatment. Loaded with insights on 'Complex PTSD' and the 'stages of recovery.' However, men should know that Herman largely neglects their experiences of sexual abuse, comes from a "war of the sexes" feminist perspective, and over-simplifies things in terms of perpetrators and victims. Still, she brings together a great deal of research with decades of clinical wisdom and historical, political and moral insights. That is, despite the shortcomings, it's still a great book.

Don’t let the silly title fool you. This is a great book, written with deep understanding and compassion for what it’s like to struggle with any kind of addiction. It has lots of excellent information and resources, all very clearly presented. Plenty of good advice for family and friends too.

As indicated by its title, gives equal weight to both cognitive-behavioral and mindfulness approaches. It has many very helpful exercises and techniques for applying methods from each approach in daily life.

By a man who has worked for years with men of all races and classes, helping them to understand the various sources of male violence and to reclaim the genuine power and responsibility they need to stop it.

The best book on the effects of sexual abuse on all aspects of the sexual lives of adults. Very clear information and extremely helpful step-by-step methods for healing and achieving truly healthy and loving sexuality.

Explains how most addictions are rooted in childhood experiences, how people turn to addictive substances and behaviors to escape unwanted feelings, how you can get stuck in addictive behaviors, and how to transform yourself and your life to avoid repeated relapses and truly recover for good.

A great book for helping clients learn and practice the self-regulation skills essential to recovering from child abuse. It’s particularly good on dealing with dissociative symptoms. As Mike Lew says, "This is one of the best - a clear, thoughtful workbook... Vermilyea is a genuine ally, providing concrete explanations and specific reasons for everything she suggests. [It] should be on the bookshelf of every professional who works with survivors [of child abuse]."

A fantastic resource for clinicians working with men struggling from addiction and other posttraumatic symptoms related to unwanted or abusive childhood sexual experiences. As one of many rave reviewers puts it, this book gives therapists 'the structure of a manual as well as the freedom to be a flexible, creative clinician.'

The men in this powerful film have a lot to teach, and the director, who’s been through it himself, does a fantastic job of letting them tell their stories and share what they’ve learned. Among films on men sexually abused as children, this one has the most psychological and therapy-related information. A diversity of men are featured – white, African American, Latino, straight and gay men who were sexually abused as children, and counselors and therapists who help men heal. They all provide many insights into the path of recovery and achieving happiness in adulthood.

This gripping memoir recounts life as the ‘favorite boy’ of a sexually abusive coach. The story is both uncommon (bizarre sex acts, twisted ‘mentoring’ of his basketball playing and intellectual development) yet all too common. Any man who’s attempted to deal with such betrayal and mind games by a sexually exploitive coach will find understanding, and healing, in this remarkable book.

Comprehensive book with a wealth of helpful information, including explanations of post-traumatic stress disorder and related problems, and many great techniques for managing trauma-related emotions, memories and various other symptoms and problems commonly struggled with by men who experienced sexual or other forms of abuse as children.

This guide provides practical, compassionate advice for parents on dealing with abused children's troublesome behaviors and emotional concerns. It addresses topics such as sleep disturbance, inappropriate sexual behavior, worries about the future, and the parents' own life struggles as they assist their children to recuperate and become healthy survivors.

Moran, a gay man and a successful stage actor and writer, was sexually seduced and exploited by a Catholic church camp counselor. With great insight he tells the complex stories of their relationship, how it affected him, including sexual addiction, and how he’s found healing.

A ‘body-oriented talking therapy’ for the psychological and physiological symptoms of trauma. This is a clinically and scientifically sophisticated book on Sensorimotor Psychotherapy for psychological trauma, a very powerful and effective model and collection of methods that can be integrated with other approaches.

The best introduction to one of the most effective and influential recently developed therapies, not only for the treatment of trauma but a variety of problems experienced by individuals, couples, and families.

In this unique book, Carlton walks readers through the first 15 months of his healing journey, 'from when my trembling hand first opened the door to a therapist’s office to when I finally noticed myself enjoying life again – and all of the fear, the pain, the confusion, the laughter, and the tears in between.' His writing is clear, insightful, humble and funny. A former Navy intelligence officer with an MBA who managed advertising for ESPN, Carlton is a guy with whom many can relate. One caution: readers may need to protect themselves from comparing the pace of their own unique healing processes – or that of someone they love – to his description of the high speed of his.

By a man whose entire family was abused by his father. As one reviewer comments, the author writes as someone who, ‘although raised in an atmosphere of violence and cruelty, seems never to have abandoned his own gentle and loving nature.’

A book with insights and avenues to recovery not found in others, by a therapist who's worked with men sexually abused as boys and with teenagers and adults who sexually abuse children. As he writes, “This book is about empowerment… The more you know about the abuse, how abusers work, and how they keep power over you through your fear and anger, the less likely they can continue to control you.” Chapters on anger, disclosure, confrontation, and cycles of self-defeating behavior are particularly valuable. Truly a book about how to “Take back your life and live it to the fullest.”

Written for Christian wives and girlfriends of men who were sexually abused as children, by a best-selling Christian minister and author, this book is a gift – full of insights, wisdom and practical advice. In the first part, “Who He Is,” Murphey writes with great clarity and compassion, and without judgment, about his own experiences of abuse and healing, as well as the experiences of many other men he knows. The second part, “How You Can Help Him,” provides practical and caring advice on more than 20 key topics, including “Accept His Unspeakable Problem,” “Accept His Pain,” “Respect His Privacy,” and “Let Him Move at His Own Pace.” Though written for Christians, any non-Christian who is OK with occasional (thoughtful) references to God, Jesus and prayer can benefit greatly from this book.

A short (66 pages) and straightforward book for adults who are beginning to remember and deal with childhood sexual abuse. Written by people who’ve been through it themselves, explains key issues and suggests several ways to get started on the road to recovery.

A very practical self-help book, with many great techniques for managing not only symptoms and problems associated with PTSD but also 'Complex PTSD,' which may result from extreme and long-term childhood trauma including sexual, physical and emotional abuse by parents or other caregivers.

Mostly focused on prevention, this book is positive and assertive without being frightening. It helps children young children understand that they get to choose when, and by whom, they are to be touched.

It's definitely not true that all abused men become abusers, but some do. Latest edition of an amazing book that has helped many, many women for over 20 years. The information and tools needed to recognize and sort out what’s happening in the relationship - emotional abuse, physical abuse, etc. - make wise decisions and take effective action.

Presents a spiritual understanding of the effects of child abuse and how to heal. Has exercises for working with emotional wounds, grounded in a variety of religious and spiritual traditions (primarily Christian and Buddhist).

This self-help book is based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which uses mindfulness and acceptance of symptoms and suffering (rather than struggling against them in self-defeating ways) to overcome the effects of trauma, but also has powerful methods for focusing upon, clarifying and increasing your commitment to what you truly value in life.

There are many parenting books, of course. This one helps parents bring out the best in their children (and themselves!) without resorting to punishments and rewards that may temporarily get parents what they want at the cost of undermining children's abilities to become respectful and responsible.

This classic and remarkable book, often called the ‘convict’s bible,’ has helped many men (now in five languages). It offers simple and deep spiritual wisdom and detailed instructions for using spiritual practices (from a variety of religions) to find healing and freedom behind bars. Includes a section of inspiring letters sent to the author by prisoners, about their transformative experiences of putting the wisdom and practices to use in their lives.

This is a great one that many teenagers who have been through sexual abuse or assault find the most helpful one they've ever read. Parents really benefit from reading it too. Importantly, boys are included throughout the entire book.

This book gives you the tools to understand why your buttons are getting pushed, and how to free yourself (and your children!) from the over-reactions every parent makes based on his or her own childhood experiences.

By a man who grew up in a working class Pennsylvania family and was sexually abused by a coach. The story of how he managed to overcome his past and ultimately reconcile with a father who had abused him.

A short (44-page) book for people who suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder) and people who care about them. It clearly explains how extreme childhood abuse can lead to such fragmentation of experience and identity into different 'parts' that can take over behavior while being very disconnected from each other.

Written for parents and professionals, this book is easy to read and very informative. It explains the effects of traumatic experiences on children, offers a clear path to restoring a child's sense of safety and balance, and makes it easy to find the specific information and recommendations you need.

A courageous book by a CNN Anchor who’s overcome some major challenges – childhood sexual abuse, being a gay African American man – to excel with integrity in the world of TV journalism. Lemon reflects on his experiences and lessons learned, from growing up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana to covering some of the biggest stories of the past 20 years.

Though written for therapists, this book can help parents understand the developmental impacts of trauma – and that all behaviors, however troubling, are functional attempts to adapt to trauma. Its flexible treatment framework supports parents' efforts to bring safety and resilience into their children's lives.

By an African American man who reclaimed his life after childhood experiences of abuse and racism. As one reviewer notes, ‘Reaffirms that much can be made of a life that at the outset seems to have little going for it.... A poignant story about the power of perseverance.’

This book is focused on children who have not only experienced trauma, but have had little or no stable and loving relationships in their lives, for example children who have been adopted or placed in foster care after being terribly neglected and abused. It shows how to relate to these children, including as a parent, to help them learn to love and trust – and how to avoid getting caught in some common but destructive ways of trying to bring healing.

Another very powerful and insightful book on how boys are harmed by 'male socialization,' including in schools, and how to protect your son against many of the effects while promoting a much more healthy masculinity.

Another one written for professionals but very helpful to parents as well. It addresses many practical and effective approaches to helping children, including EMDR, a treatment that can sometimes quickly help children become free of tormenting abuse memories.

An important and potentially life-saving book on why boys become violent, how to recognize the early signs in aggressive behavior, and how to provide the social, psychological and spiritual environment and help that can prevent violence.

This "life storybook" can help traumatized children by focusing on positive experiences and perspectives, without denying their pain and suffering, by helping them draw strength from the supportive people in their lives.

Classic book on the challenges and toxic influences that can harm adolescent girls in our society, the serious consequences that can result (e.g., eating disorders, self-mutilation), and how to help girls protect themselves and become healthy and confident young women.

This video series features Dr. Margaret Blaustein, a leader in teaching therapists and parents how to help children traumatized heal, and three of her colleagues. All have many years of experience as therapists with abused children and their caregivers, and as trainers of therapists doing this work. There are three videos in the series, which can be purchased or rented individually or as a set: Understanding the Traumatized Child, Parenting the Traumatized Child, and Teaching the Traumatized Child.

Your Feedback Matters

We offer several resources, including guidance about how to select an appropriate
therapist or consultant, in Get Help and through the
Online SupportLine, which we hope
will be useful to you in finding effective treatment, getting personalized recommendations
for services or to discuss personal issues.

Because 1in6 does not provide direct service to individuals, we are unable to offer
that kind of exchange through our feedback response below.

Help make this page better for everyone.

Was this information or page helpful to you?*

A lot

A little

Not at all

If helpful, how?

I learned something about the issue, myself and/or the situation.

I feel less alone, ashamed, angry, and/or hopeless.

I'm motivated to talk to someone about this issue.

I’m motivated to see a therapist or attend a support group.

Other (please explain below)

Please say more, and be specific, to help us make this page better for everyone.

If you don't mind us following up with you about your suggestions above, please provide your email address:

Find Information & Get Help

The mission of 1in6.org is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual
experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives. Our mission also includes serving
family members, friends, and partners by providing information and support resources on
the web and in the community.

1in6 would like to recognize the exceptional contributions of time and talent by Dr. Jim
Hopper in making this website possible.