If the man who raised me
the man who starved me
who was ashamed to acknowledge me as his daughter
and failed me in his brokenness
is not my real father
and God is
then I need to discover the identity of God the Father
and what that means
in terms of who I am

He is the Father of Lights
the Generator of Poetry
He is strong and protective
perceptive of my feminine heart
He has no wish to harm me
He feeds me with the best of all Food
His voice resonates through the quantum fields of my being
He is good
He is the Author of Life
He loves me with a fierce tenderness

And I am His daughter
I come from Him
which means that my worth
and my identity
flow from my true Father

Come into me
come into that place
that doesn’t feel safe
into that place
that was never touched
by a father’s love or
his masculine protection
for my own father was
the thing to be feared
the thing to run from
even if the only means
of escape was via
my imagination

Come into me
come into that place
that still feels apprehensive
when it comes to food
for he forced it down my throat
a form of oral rape
cutting off my air
like dying
and then denied me
basic nourishment
when it was time to grow

Come into me
come into that place
still seething with shame
for he spoke no words
of my beauty
nor of my strength
but spewed unending descriptions
of how embarrassed he was
that people knew me as
his daughter

Come into me
come into that place
that desperately searches for Your eyes
but can only perceive
the disgust in his
come into that place
that yearns for Your acceptance
but cringes in dread
of Your bitter disappointment
come into that place
that is frantic for Your love
but can never seem to hold onto
Your ever-dissolving reflections
God, my Father, come into that place