Doug:
Even after getting his ass whooped by the Red Sox he insists his Rockies are the bettah team.

Al:
Yeah, and if they played a 10 game series, the purple-vested dudes would take 6.

Mike:
You know, typically this kind of crap would annoy me, but coming from Monfort, nah.

Mike:
I mean this is a guy who wakes up every morning fully expecting that today is the day Christ will descend from heaven in the second coming to begin the fiery apocalyptic "end times."

Al:
Yeah, no logic, reason, science, statistics, etc. are going to convince someone like that. If the Sox won 10 straight he'd insist the Rockies would win the next 20 and so and so forth ad infinitum.

Bill:
I've got to fly out of town on a business trip but I'm really worried about getting through the security at Logan …

Mike:
How's that?

Bill:
Well, you know, on account of how I've lost my identity now that the Red Sox have won anothah pennant and all.

Mike:
Hey, yeah, I've heard that even up in Cow Hampshire they're changing the the state motto from "Live Free or Die" to "Peace Out, Bro."

Bill:
So I'll meet you and the rest of the gang in the lobby for the victree parade?

Mike:
Absolutely. But just remembah, if you see a guy in one of those fake eyeglasses and nose disguises and with blue lips, look aftah your balls.

Bill:
A-Rod?!

Mike:
Yeah, you know that dude is going to be totally stalking the rolling rally today, whispering crazy talk out loud about how "They have the Precious but the Precious is Mines. Yankees betrays us. Wicked, tricksey, false. Where is it? Where is it? They stole it from us. My Precious."

J.C.: "Are you kidding me? I taught you fools how to fish, now I have to teach you how to pitch and hit too? And you call yourselves 'fundamentalists'? Maybe, my children, a little more work on OBP and little less prayer, know what I'm sayin'?"

Doug:
Well, I'm glad to see someone in the Rockies organization got the hint and banished the vests and limited the purple.

Doug:
And look what happened — they may have still got the loss, but at least it was a loss with dignity.

Al:
Speaking of dignity, I'm astonished at just how much my watching-the-game mentality has changed since 2004. My never ending angst and jittahs has been replaced by a cool certitude.

Doug:
Abso-friggin-lutely. Last night when the Rockies took that 1-run lead all I could think was "like your already hyper-distant win streak, enjoy it while you can, because it ain't gonna last."

Mike:
Wait, are you tellin' me you don't pine for the days when falling behind in a playoff game would have you crawling on the floor like Scarlett O'Hara, starving and rooting around for dirty potato while beseeching God to spare you from such misery? Jeez.

Doug:
Ah, Mike, glad to hear you're ovah the fan heebie-jeepbies, but you might want to speak with someone about identifying yourself with a chicks from old movies. I'm just sayin'.

Al:
OK. Do you love this Red Sox team or what? I mean one night they can go all 70s Red Sox on you with a thunderstruck offensive barrage. The next night they beat you by playing textbook "small ball."

Doug:
And through it all is some of the most fantastic, jaw dropping pitching in the entiah history of baseball.

Mike:
Schilling's only mistake last night was hitting a battah, or should I say, grazing a battah …

Doug:
And then it was time for The Papajima show — Fade to black, roll credits.

Al:
So 55 teams have taken a two-games-to-none lead in the World Series. 39 have gone on to pop the corks.

Mike:
Yeah, and of the teams that have taken Game 1 with 6 or more runs, all have gone on to win it all.

Bill:
Seriously. You show up in a purple vest against a dude like Dustin Pedroia and it's like, yeah, he's not only going to take you deep in his first at bat, but he's also going to steal your lunch money and make out with your girlfriend while you watch, Francis.

Doug:
Even I'm still having trouble trying to comprehend the absolute severity of this old school beat down — 9 battahs in a row reached base with 2 outs!? 11 for 15 after two outs through the first five innings!?

Bill:
17 hits. 16 in the first five innings!

Doug:
A World Series record of 8 doubles. An all-time postseason record 7 walks.

Doug:
All the presumption that any of us fans or pundits truly understand fluid dynamics enough to make such wild ass predictions aside, something tells me that Dice-K could pitch in La Paz, Bolivia at 13000 ft or in Death Valley -282ft and the results would be the same.

Mike:
Yeah, 4-5 innings with flashes of brilliance but an overall mediocre performance.

Mike:
Well, I have been getting quite a few congratulatory emails from Yankees fans.

Bill:
Oh, I'm sure.

Mike:
Yeah, all "Congratulations" and "good luck" and "Oh, BTW Go fuck yourself. I hate your Sux and hope that on the way to Denvah their plane crashes in the Rockies and is not found until the snow melts in the Spring and you discovah half your rostah has been eaten by the other half that is now traumatized and sociopathic."

Bill:
Heh. Seeing Yankees fans in torment is such a delicious added bonus to going to the World Series.

Mike:
Absolutely. It's not only the icing on the cake but also the jimmies on the ice cream.

Doug:
Did they? Really? I mean sure it's the gentlemanly thing to say, but seriously, how is getting outscored 30-5 in the 3 games you had a chance to clinch a World Series birth somehow a noble rah-rah good fight kinda thing?

Mike:
Someone should have known bettah about those white hankies. You knew no good would come of it.

Doug:
White hankies aside, you know what Cleveland's real problem is?

Doug:
Too many ridiculous beards, that's what.

Doug:
Oh, sure, some of the Sox have facial hair, but it's cool, like Youks Moses-meets-Paul-Bunyan thing and Beckett's mini-vag soul patch …

Doug:
But Cleveland's beards? Gimme a break. If you show up at Fenway looking like you took a wrong turn on the way to a Mt. Holyoke faculty council meeting, then, yeah, you're gonna face "The Collapse".

Al:
I hope the Rockies fans have enjoyed that streak, because it's gonna be a memory come Wednesday night.

Mike:
You know I hope the Sox sweep this thing in 4 for the simple reason that I do not think I can enduah anothah 7 games with Joe Buck and Tim McCahvah.

Doug:
Are you kidding me? I lost a good 10 points off my IQ from last night's game alone.

Mike:
Yeah, well, when a guy is hitting .429 with a .613 on-base percentage, a 1.000 slugging percentage, and 10 walks it's difficult to say he isn't a total gamah.

Mike:
Besides the big lesson of 2004 is that we want a loose, confident team and the last thing you'd want is for your rostah playahs to have the same doom and gloom, white knuckle, cold sweats approach to the game that most fans do.

Bill:
Yeah, there's a reason they are majah league hittahs and we are not.

Mike:
Are you kidding me? Most of us mouth breathahs can't even get to .300 when it comes to hitting the friggin' bowl during a late night whizz, let alone hitting a baseball.

Al:
You know, when they swept the Angels and then totally shut down the Injuns in Game 1, I really thought we'd seen the last of the "meh, so-so" Red Sox.

Mike:
But the playoffs have been a mirrah image to the regulah season, haven't they?

Mike:
Off to a ridiculous hot no one can touch us staht, followed by a rapid cool down.

Al:
Yep and totally susceptible to giving up the big inning like we saw repeatedly from June thru Septembah.

Mike:
And totally likely to leave men on base and piss away golden offensive opportunities.

Doug:
And pretty much totally tied to the fortunes of The Manny Ortez. When Manny and Papi are on, all is right with the world. When they aren't, it's waking up to being down 1-3 and on the brink of elimination.

Doug:
I'm actually stahting to resent the Patriots … I mean every win, every additional example of their relentless execution just reminds me how effed up the Red Sox side of things can be.

Doug:
Think about it. Lets say Belichick signs the football equivalent of Eric Gagne, because, you know, they're willing to take a chance on a guy or see something they like despite his record et cetera.

Doug:
Now if the football version of Gagne were to be total suckitude in every game he appeahed, what are the chances Belichick continues to stick with that dude?

Doug:
And with a playoff game on the the line in extra innings, can you in your wildest dreams imagine a baseball version of Belichick putting a guy like Gagne in?

Doug:
That'd be the only sin. There's no need to apologize for being in a big mahket, being part of huge, global fan base, and having an ownahship group that not only likes to spend big but also likes to spend smaht.

Marty:
You know, Callaghan, I find it really hard to believe you're talking trash now after what went down this season. Remember that 14½ game lead you had? Yeah, you were full of bravado then but look what happened?

Rider on Green Line:
Clemens viewed Friday night's insect invasion at Cleveland's Jacobs Field from both the dugout and a television in the clubhouse, and he concluded it was too distracting an environment to pitch in.

Doug:
It's like the Red Sox gathahed up all the collective fan angst, pessimism, and apprehension from the All Star Break until the final game of the season, then released it last night into one big "Told you so, bitches!"

It was either the best postseason pitching performance since Luis Tiant in '75, Jim Lonborg in '67, Boo Ferriss in '46, or perhaps even Babe Ruth in either - take your pick - 1918 (six-hit shutout in Game 1) or 1916 (the 14-inning, 2-1 conquest of the Dodgers).

Doug:
All I know is that if anyone sends me an email today it bettah have "Red Sox" in the subject line, because everything else is being filtahed into a foldah labeled "I don't give a shit."

Mike:
Seriously. The only reason any of us are even at work today is to join into the communal warm and fuzzy.

Bill:
OK, I was all set to watch the ALDS in the comfort of my own home where I'd maybe have a very responsible, very very responsible, drink or two, but, no, because Verizon has chosen to screw Red Sox fans I'll have no choice but to go to the bah to watch the games in HD where I'll be forced to consume ever lahgah quantities of alcohol and embarrass myself by hitting hopelessly on the hot young bahmaids.

Mike:
Yeah, the next time they run one of those ridiculous "this house is lit" FiOS commercials they need to scroll a disclaimah saying it's a bit less, er, "lit" for baseball fans.

Bill:
Seriously, instead one of the "the three spectrums of light" I'm getting TBS on the 4th one powahed by a cancah-stricken lab rat running his sick ass off on a rusty wheel.

Mike:
Is it just me, or are those Verizon commericals with the FiOS tech dude and the little boy kinda high on the creep factah?

Bill:
Tell me about it. You know when the tech dude says to the kid, " light so clean it's +20db hot … it's true quam"? Well, I've heard that if you play that backwards it say's "I want to touch your wee wee."

Doug:
I get the whole rally thing, yet I'm of the mind the City Hall Plaza events should be reserved exclusively for victory celebrations.

Bill:
Yeah, you've got to give credit where credit is due to the Yankees for being the only postseason team to decline MLB's desiah to do these pep rallies across the country.

Doug:
Well, that's one way to look at it. The othah way is to realize the Yankees brass had no choice but to say no for fear that Torre would pull his Chris Crockah act again and start bawling all over the stage.