Questions for Dominants 11

12. Do you feel personally that you were born a dominant or did circumstances in your life make you dominant?

I think it’s both. Nature and nurture.

I think I was given to being a dominant. In another reality, I’d have been a kick-ass slave, too, but I’d have been a slave, not a submissive.

I couldn’t do it now, I am too settled in and too comfortable with my role, but 20 years ago, who knows?

Had I never found, however, what I consider a healthy way to express my naturally dominant personality, I think I’d have been pretty miserable as vanilla.

I’d have been one of those bitchy women who nag, and make those horrible passive-aggressive remarks.

I think circumstances, too, also made me dominant.

I have talked about growing up poor. I remember at 5 years old being seriously worried about money in a sort of adult, “What will we do?” kind of way.

I was, no doubt, channeling my mother, but without the adult understanding that there were some safety nets available, including friends and government both.

I felt out of control as a kid. Always worried about money. The house we lived in was not well-built, or at least didn’t appear to be, though it withstood the elements for a number of years.

But I remember worrying about what we would do if the siding came off, if the roof blew off in one of the hurricane-force winds that were relatively common, what we would do if a car ran into the house itself, since the bedroom walls formed the property line at the street.

I remember lying in bed and feeling the wind move the wall my bed was against, and wondering what we would do if…

My father died when I was very young, my mother did not live near her family. My brothers are a decade older, meaning they were gone pretty early and it was only me and my mother.

My mother was older, too, older than any of my friend’s mothers, so there was also always the worry about what I would do if something happened to her, what would become of me.

I think that a big part of the reason I am dominant is, I think that if I’m in control, I can make things come out right.

I won’t have to worry about what we’ll do if I’m the one doing it, maybe.

On the other hand, had I not had a girlfriend who was interested in bondage, would I have really found kink?

If I hadn’t found the right people at the right time, I don’t know. Maybe not.

But I did, thank the fates.

Now instead of people using “bossy emasculating bitch” as an insult, it’s said with respect.