to be worried about 17yo who said he was offered cocaine

he has just this week started a job in a professional kitchenfrom what i have been told by girls in their 20s at my workplace (office) who have worked in restaurants etc it is very common with chefs

he is full time commis chef

i am worried about going forward though.

I have text him today to say i am very proud he said no and told me and that i had been told that people at work said the come down is awful and although people think it makes them sharper and faster in reality it doesnt.

he is very clever, relatively troublesome, bad socially (aspergers questioned at school but never went anywhere) but i am the parent he will occasionally connect with.

how does anyone suggest i keep lines of communication open?(communication is a very weak point, and really i am shocked he actually told me. i know he smokes but does it surreptitiously. i suspect strongly that he smokes weed on occasion. (think i smelt it on him) not spoke about weed but he knows i know he smokes cigs but it is the unwritten rule not to talk about it

I think it's amazing he told you! But in terms of communication, I think you almost have to do nothing now. If you start pushing to discuss it all the time, he'll likely clam up. So I'd sort of lean back, but try and find occasions to just hang out with him. His shifts are likely crazy? So maybe doing him the odd full cooked breakfast before he starts work, then just sitting chatting while he eats it, that sort of thing.

thankshelpfulsort of sorry i text him about it now actuallyi leave for work 7.40 and get home 5.30he seems at the moment to work 10 (leave home 9.30) till 3(?) unsure when the day one finishes, but then works 5 - close (last night left at 11.20)he is at work now. i will try and offer him a brekky in the morning (he REALLY doesnt get on with his dad so hope he isnt around)

My dp is a chef, a lot of the people she works with use both coke and ketamine regularly. She doesn't take drugs and while she has been offered them several times by her colleagues, she's never been pressured to say yes.

It's amazing he told you and yes it's commonplace in the hospitality industry. The fact he told you is of course great. He may want to try it in which case he may also want to tell you. So be understanding about it I guess so it doesn't become a secret issue. Let's hope he doesn't.

Honestly? He's 17. He's bound to experiment at some point. If his peers are taking coke socially he may well do too. Try not to worry. If he has a good and open relationship with you - which it seems he does - he will be fine.

Get over it. Better that he dabbles and he's honest with you. He's (almost) an adult man and you need to let go. Plenty of high-achieving, 'good' people enjoy recreational drugs. You may not approve, but that's irrelevant. It's not a moral issue, and he's about to become an adult. Let him be one.

Babycham Adults don't do drugs, petulant children do. Your actions define you and people using drugs don't fall into the "good" category, they fall into the "immature" category for the same reason people who drink until they pass out do. He is being an adult for refusing the cocaine.

Cocaine is a hard drug, and it's dangerous. I've seen what it can do to people and how drug addiction can utterly destroy you as a person. The fact your son told you what happened and refused is awesome!

In the mean time I wouldn't ask about information, just let him tell you what he wants. Talk to him about your day, some fun things you did, ask about his, and see if he bites.

If it's any consolation, typically aspies see very black and white. So if he thinks cocaine is bad, it's probably not going to change anytime soon.

That's nonsense Bulbasaur. I dabbled in my 20s as did many of my friends. We all had good jobs and lives and are now matronly forty somethings with happy lives and some great memories. I think the OP should be proud of her son.

So what about someone who takes recreational drugs occasionally in their 30s, 40's 50's etc bulbosaur. Are they still defined as petulant children? I'm sure there are plenty that do dabble infrequently, would they be called immature. What about if they were well respected professionals?