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What to Expect in Middle School: Top 10 Surprises for Parents of Tweens

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01 Sep 2015

by Meredith Pangrace

What to expect in middle school and how to react.

Talk to parents who’ve been through middle school with their children and they will lament that they had no idea what was coming. You do not need to feel that way because most of what happens is no surprise to teachers and experts. Here are some middle school tips to help you survive. One of our favorite psychologists — Dr. Lisa Damour — shares her top 10 of what to expect in middle school.

What to Expect in Middle School

By Lisa Damour

1. Bedrooms-turned-hideouts

Why this happens: Tweens and teens naturally start to pull away from their parents and often do so by becoming very private when they’re home.

A tempting reaction: Presuming that, behind closed doors, tweens are up to no good.

A better reaction: Granting privacy and making your expectations clear (e.g., “You need to join us for dinner and help clean up the kitchen. Chatting’s optional, civility isn’t.”)

2. Surgically-attached phones

Why this happens: Your tween wants nothing more than to connect with friends.

A better reaction: Banning phones (theirs and yours) from settings that foster interpersonal skills, such as at meals, in the car, on walks, or over vacations.

3. Difficulty sleeping

Why this happens: A biological phenomenon known as sleep-phase delay causes pubescent tweens to want to stay up later and sleep in longer. On top of that, the light emitted by digital devices suppresses the natural hormones that help humans feel drowsy.

A tempting reaction: Thinking that kids who were good sleepers in elementary school will figure out how to get enough sleep in middle school.

A better reaction: Avoiding overscheduling, helping to get homework started as early in the evening as possible, and making sure technology shuts down at least a half-hour before bedtime.

4. Emotions on steroids

Why this happens: Hormones usually, and wrongly, get blamed; we now know that teenagers’ brains react to emotional input more intensely than the brains of children or adults.

A better reaction: Supporting your middle school students’ efforts to address frustrations and providing a sympathetic ear when there’s no easy solution.

9. Crushes

Why this happens: Middle school gossip centers on “who likes whom” and even tweens who aren’t interested in romance can get caught up in the swirl for fear of being left out.

A tempting reaction: Changing the subject when crushes come up or telling tweens they’re “too young for that kind of stuff.”

A better reaction: Sharing your values for how your tween should be treated, and treat others, when romance comes along.

10. A dazzling new mind

Why this happens: Middle school students graduate from concrete to abstract reasoning capacities. This means that they can now consider theoretical concepts, reflect on their own thoughts, and draw inferences about other people’s motivations.

MIDDLE SCHOOL MAKEOVER: Improving the Way You & Your Child Experience the Middle School Years

Download a copy of 2 FREE chapters of Middle School Makeover.
RELIEF IS HERE. Middle School Makeover is a guide for parents and educators to help the tweens in their lives navigate the socially fraught hallways, gyms, and cafeterias of middle school.

This book helps parents, teachers, and other adults in middle school settings to understand the social dilemmas and other issues that kids today face.

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