How many chances does someone you love get? What faults are acceptable and which are not? for instance, is someone who is an alchoholic because of insecurity and becomes a even more jealous through the drinking too much to handle? Cheating for most isn't acceptable including myself. If the relationship isn't abusive, physically or emotionally...how hard is too hard too work at it?

How many chances does someone you love get? What faults are acceptable and which are not? for instance, is someone who is an alchoholic because of insecurity and becomes a even more jealous through the drinking too much to handle? Cheating for most isn't acceptable including myself. If the relationship isn't abusive, physically or emotionally...how hard is too hard too work at it?

Great question and deserves serious consideration/answer. Especially if anyone has any REAL intentions from the relationships they might derive from this site. I am beginning to doubt that is the case from most of the folks I am reading about. . .
I wish I had good insights but I dont. My only real relationship died a very sudden and ignominous death after 19 years. I of course believed it would never end; and, as it was imploding, I was deluded that we could still overcome anything if we only worked hard enough. Was I naive. Sure didnt work out that way. Ironically though, MY LIFE has worked out amazingly well nonetheless and I now wouldnt trade it for anything. And frankly, it makes me feel a bit guilty . . . wasnt I supposed to value the relationship I had more than that? . . .
Bottom line: Both people have to be willing to make the 'second chance' you speak of a priority, something to capitalize on. Second chances (or third or fourth?) can only be given to a person who actually wants to USE them as an opportuninty to make some new or better TOGETHER. Didnt ever come to fruition for me, but I guess I believe it coudl for you.
But again, what do I know. I'm just another divorced, damaged person 'on the road to find out' to quote one of my favorite singers.

Great question and deserves serious consideration/answer. Especially if anyone has any REAL intentions from the relationships they might derive from this site. I am beginning to doubt that is the case from most of the folks I am reading about. . . I wish I had good insights but I dont. My only real relationship died a very sudden and ignominous death after 19 years. I of course believed it would never end; and, as it was imploding, I was deluded that we could still overcome anything if we only worked hard enough. Was I naive. Sure didnt work out that way. Ironically though, MY LIFE has worked out amazingly well nonetheless and I now wouldnt trade it for anything. And frankly, it makes me feel a bit guilty . . . wasnt I supposed to value the relationship I had more than that? . . . Bottom line: Both people have to be willing to make the 'second chance' you speak of a priority, something to capitalize on. Second chances (or third or fourth?) can only be given to a person who actually wants to USE them as an opportuninty to make some new or better TOGETHER. Didnt ever come to fruition for me, but I guess I believe it coudl for you. But again, what do I know. I'm just another divorced, damaged person 'on the road to find out' to quote one of my favorite singers.

From what you have described, the relationship is mentally abusive. Any relationship is suppose to bring you joy, if at anytime you're not experiencing joy you're wasting time and energy. Be realistic don't expect your mate to change. Don't believe him when he tells you he will.
Bottom line: If you're uncomfortable with your relationship, something is wrong. Listen to your instincts.

From what you have described, the relationship is mentally abusive. Any relationship is suppose to bring you joy, if at anytime you're not experiencing joy you're wasting time and energy. Be realistic don't expect your mate to change. Don't believe him when he tells you he will. Bottom line: If you're uncomfortable with your relationship, something is wrong. Listen to your instincts.

I normally live by a 3 strike rule...
However, cheating is a foul tip, which when caught is an immediate OUT...
As I get older though, I get a little more intolerant of the BS, thinking of dropping it down to 2 strikes and your OUT...

I normally live by a 3 strike rule... However, cheating is a foul tip, which when caught is an immediate OUT... As I get older though, I get a little more intolerant of the BS, thinking of dropping it down to 2 strikes and your OUT...

It shouldn't be hard at all. Finding happiness is very hard to come by these days, and if you are able to find it both of people will need to come to an agreement on what needs to end to maintain it, and follow through with it and support each other, to keep the relationship going. It's a 50-50 deal.

It shouldn't be hard at all. Finding happiness is very hard to come by these days, and if you are able to find it both of people will need to come to an agreement on what needs to end to maintain it, and follow through with it and support each other, to keep the relationship going. It's a 50-50 deal.

When couples are having problems in a relationship, communication is the first thing to stop. It is often easier to just be quiet than to get mad. When rebuilding relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to start. This will require that both individuals let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to the wind. Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk. Make an agreement that you will talk about anything and everything and that you will listen, really listen. That does not mean that you will agree with everything, which is perfectly fine. However, if you do not agree, do not yell, rather, the two of you need to calmly discuss the issue and together, work out a solution. This is hard work but within a very short time, you will both feel much better, individually and as a couple.
Do not be phony in your relationship, trying to be someone or something different as a way to please your partner. For a relationship to work, both people need to be themselves and react to things naturally. Just imagine if you are really kind of on the silly side, enjoying life to the fullest. Then you meet a wonderful person who is much more conservative than you are. Because you are attracted to them, you try to squelch your normal vibrant personality. You are miserable and eventually, the person is going to be exposed to the ?real? you. You have to base any relationship on honesty or it will eventually fall apart.
If something has happened in your relationship causing the trust to waiver, you will have many things to work through. When your mate has done something that requires you to forgive, you have to forgive, REALLY forgive. Once you have worked through the issue either together or with professional counseling, and you tell them that you forgive them, you can never hold that over them again. As an example, if your partner has had an affair and the two of you choose to work it out rather than throw the relationship away, once the problems are resolved and the forgiveness is said, it is done! This means that you cannot stalk your mate to ensure they are where they said they would be, call or page them throughout the day, constantly ask for reaffirmation of your relationship, it means that you forgive and put the past behind you and then move on in a new, strong, and healthy relationship. It will not be easy, but you can do it with the right help, attitude, and commitment.
Mark

When couples are having problems in a relationship, communication is the first thing to stop. It is often easier to just be quiet than to get mad. When rebuilding relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to start. This will require that both individuals let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to the wind. Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk. Make an agreement that you will talk about anything and everything and that you will listen, really listen. That does not mean that you will agree with everything, which is perfectly fine. However, if you do not agree, do not yell, rather, the two of you need to calmly discuss the issue and together, work out a solution. This is hard work but within a very short time, you will both feel much better, individually and as a couple. Do not be phony in your relationship, trying to be someone or something different as a way to please your partner. For a relationship to work, both people need to be themselves and react to things naturally. Just imagine if you are really kind of on the silly side, enjoying life to the fullest. Then you meet a wonderful person who is much more conservative than you are. Because you are attracted to them, you try to squelch your normal vibrant personality. You are miserable and eventually, the person is going to be exposed to the ?real? you. You have to base any relationship on honesty or it will eventually fall apart. If something has happened in your relationship causing the trust to waiver, you will have many things to work through. When your mate has done something that requires you to forgive, you have to forgive, REALLY forgive. Once you have worked through the issue either together or with professional counseling, and you tell them that you forgive them, you can never hold that over them again. As an example, if your partner has had an affair and the two of you choose to work it out rather than throw the relationship away, once the problems are resolved and the forgiveness is said, it is done! This means that you cannot stalk your mate to ensure they are where they said they would be, call or page them throughout the day, constantly ask for reaffirmation of your relationship, it means that you forgive and put the past behind you and then move on in a new, strong, and healthy relationship. It will not be easy, but you can do it with the right help, attitude, and commitment. Mark