I've worked hard and invested so much time in these words. They are me. The me I would never let anyone see. These words have helped me get through the darkest pits of Hell and come back with only the slightest remnant of injury.

if i scream any louder
i fear the walls would collapse
then the world would see my shame
that i'm to weak
or stupid
to say what must be said

i scream, and cry, and beg for something
anything but what i know is coming
when it began i couldnt understand
just how deep it would hurt me
the marks, the signs will fade in time
but memories just grow brighter

i scream
louder and louder
the walls tremble, the ground shudders
be quiet!
the world will see my shame
that i'm to weak
and stupid
and pathetic
to do what must be done
to speak loud enough to be heard
although i'm loud enough to be hurt
again
and again

never a rest, never a break
just pauses between breathing and grunting
blenidng into one another as light fades
fading like me
i cant see
i cant speak

all there is, is the rythm between-
between...
between my head, pounding over and over
i scream for all i'm worth
soprano blending into baritone
agony into bliss

this measure repeats, five times five
baritone forcefully within soprano
soprano unwilliningly surrounding baritone
the walls shake, the ground trembles
shut up you stupid bitch!
the world will see
cant let them see my shame
what did i do
what have i done wrong
i've done the best i could
done all that was asked
every little task
just like a good girl

Down deep into the bone
So deep its better to be alone
Lit up inside like a fire
Burned down to the wire
Like a tumor under my skin
I feel you witihin
I'd pull you out if i could
I know i probably should
But your just to deep in me
I know i'll never be free
Why did it have to be you
Theres nothing i can do
But sit and watch fora sign
That you may yet be mine
I'm not asking you to choose
Either way I still lose
I'd give up all my pride
To have you at my side
Nothing i do is ever right
Even if i try with all my might
I've given all i own
Still my seeds yet to be sewn
After giving this my best
It seems it was all in jest
The choice yet to be made
When its done i know i'll fade

So fast it was done before I could see
Exactly what you did to me
Shot deep into my soul
Left a massive gaping hole
But I paid you back in kind
No better will you ever find
Still outdone by what came before
Given a taste still wanted more
The pace was just too fast
Too fast for anything to last
So pull in all the reigns
Or everything is all in vain
Every word was true
I just want to be with you

I got myself a job and worked firday and sataurday as a bus boy for a five star restaurant called Tellers
its very hard work but i only work two days a week so tomorrow i go back out to look for another job
i need to save money cause apparently my car tht i was promised may not be able to be given to me
so w/evvvvs
later