I get up at midday yeah
And drink a box of wine
Then it's on to The Macallan yeah
I'm drinkin' all the time
Well it seems to me I told my wife
Not to bother me when I'm on the can
I guess that's why she calls me
Calls me the retirement man

The kid is home by five o'clock
Says, "Daddy do you want another beer?"
Always seems to be wondering
Why I can't get my ass in gear
Well it seems to me I made a mistake
Thinking I could write like Rand
I guess that's why they call me
Call me the retirement man

I get up at midday yeah
And drink a box of wine
Then it's on to The Macallan yeah
I'm drinkin' all the time
Well it seems to me I told my wife
Not to bother me when I'm on the can
I guess that's why she calls me
Calls me the retirement man

The kid is home by five o'clock
Says, "Daddy do you want another beer?"
Always seems to be wondering
Why I can't get my ass in gear
Well it seems to me I made a mistake
Thinking I could write like Rand
I guess that's why they call me
Call me the retirement man