Thinner, happier, more productive, comfortable, not drinking too much--a pig in a cage on antibiotics.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

On fishnet Eskimos

Okay, so every reasonably sized non-Amish town will tonight be observing Halloween with that most holy of traditions: slutty costumes. I hit up B&A Warehouse last night for their annual party and found a veritable treasure-trove of slutty costumery--most identifiable, some not; some creative, most not. Some with pants, most--wait, no, none with pants. My bad.

Tonight, of course, women across the city will go all out, wearing clothes that would get them arrested on any other night of the year. Some will find couples costumes so that their significant others can play along--cop and slutty convict, convict and slutty cop, football player and slutty referee, referee and slutty football player. I've been trying to convince The Boy to go with me as doctor and slutty nurse, but he says he doesn't have the legs for fishnets.

Anyway, the most fun is always the people-watching, and people-watching is always more fun with a purpose. Tonight's purpose?

It's Slutty Halloween Bingo.

B

I

N

G

O

Slutty Pirate

Slutty Gladiator

Slutty Schoolgirl

Slutty Cop

Slutty Soldier

Slutty Farmgirl

Slutty Referee

Slutty Baseball Player

Slutty Native American

Slutty Construction Worker

Slutty Geisha

Slutty Rainbow Brite

SLUTTY FREE SPACE

Slutty Bunny

Slutty Angel

Slutty Little Bo Peep

Slutty Devil

Slutty Fairy

Slutty Nurse

Slutty Strawberry Shortcake

Slutty Witch

Slutty French Maid

Slutty Bavarian Barmaid

Slutty Sailor

Slutty Cat

All of these are, of course, actual costumes that I actually saw at B&A last night. Other costumes included Slutty Beach Volleyball Player, Slutty Eskimo, and Slutty Robin (a la Batman), but I didn't know how common those are in your area, so I left them off.

Print this bad boy out and get to checking things off! The first person to scan their winning card and e-mail it to me gets a Flying Spaghetti Monster t-shirt. I'll be posting my own updates on Twitter at #sluttyhalloweenbingo.