Enjoy your break Stephen. Just remember that no one can force you into the bookies. You have the power to just walk on by - (hey there's a song there!). In our fight against addiction we will always have visual temptations. My latest weapon in my armoury against drinking alcohol is a silent statement, which I fire immediately when needed. It goes like this: I CANNOT HAVE A DRINK. IT WILL END UP KILLING ME! (I'm deadly serious) - When I see the opened bottle of wine that my OH has left in the kitchen it would be easy to have a gulp, but when you get the taste - you want more. I cannot drink sensibly - I always do things to excess!

Same with the gambling addict. It's just NOT possible to have a sensible or fun bet. That could also eventually cost us our lives.

I hope you're having a great break Stephen, and also sense - I hope my instincts are right - you have extra resolve that is going to be pivotal as we approach Christmas. With you every step of the way, my friend.

Hello Diary. Back from 5 days at my sisters celebrating her 70th. Had a great time and was not tempted to gamble. Took the bus this afternoon from Waterloo to Kings Cross and glanced at the bookies opposite the station. Very pleased with myself, I had 40 minutes to kill, £80 in my wallet and I felt only a very small urge to gamble.

Not feeling too good in myself as I have pains in my chest, stomach and feeling a bit yuk all over, but that will pass.

Thank you Helen hope your ok. I would like to attend GA but the nights coincide with my dance nights and I see dancing as an important part of my recovery.

Thank you S J B for your post on my diary. Lovely sentiments showing you as a determined, thoughtful, compassionate person. Also liking your song selections.

Thank you for the wonderful post changemylife, it really brought a smile to my face and your lyrics are spot on. I will definitely return to that for a bit of inspiration and guidance.

Thankyou degenerate for your kind words. Why I returned to gambling is a mystery to me as I was doing so well. Nothing I can do about it so will just try again. I didn't lose a massive amount of money as I had previously bought all my christmas presents, got my train tickets, bought some new clothes and put money on my Asda gift card for shopping. What really saddens me is the betrayal. of myself and my GamCare friends who have given me so much support. It was sad, pathetic and I don't want to be like that anymore.

Hi Stephen, so glad you had a lovrly break with family but hope you ferl better today. Had a really intetesting chat with somrone yesterday about general mental health/behaviour stuff(how vague!) Which just reinforced to me it is odaat, carefully making decisions and being kind to yourself. So mega respect for passing by the bookies, avoiding the cycle of going there, beating yourself up snd ferling awful. Have a great GF day, take care S:)

Hi Stephen. Thanks for the mention. I'm glad that you are back in the positive groove. A trip away often gives us a breather, a time for contemplation, and perhaps more importantly, a renewed stance on our future. As you know it's all about having a laugh, sometimes laughing at ourselves, being active and finding new ways and challenges.
Above all its about knowing and believing that you are doing the right things. Looking forward, not back.

All the best to you and remaining free from gambling for a better life.

Firstly, I am sorry I haven't managed to catch up on your diary recently, this time of year is always crazy workwise for me.

I am really sorry to hear you relapsed but DO NOT beat yourself up about that, you now have a new day one, don't be defined by the relapse. You just need to show that strength of character we all know you have. You helped me get to where I am today and you are someone we all want to succeed.

Hi Stephen, You have done so well that you only slipped once and that this didn't then recur. You can regain your positivity and you have aleady begun another journey to freedom. I will join you - although a little behind on my day count - Day 1 again for me. But you inspire me with your strength, kindness and courage and I believe in you! x

I hope everything's Ok mate, still following your diary thread, always a must-read with some great support and comments from you and a great band of fellow supporters. We're always here, through thick and thin :)

Stephen. Thinking about you and hope that you are feeling fine. Sticking two fingers up at the gambling with a dedicated belief that each day you will become more resourceful and content with your life. Doors will open, romance may blossom, finances will improve and you'll be proud as punch.

Thank you for the posts on my diary which I really appreciate. A week ago today I went for a steam and a splash at the gym, hoping to clear my airways and liven me up. It made me very dizzy so I went to A&E where I was immediately admitted to hospital with very high, irregular heartbeat and pneumonia. Came out yesterday and taking heart tablet, steroids and antibiotics. Feeling very fortunate as my heartbeat was 157 and it should be 60 - 90 so think I've been lucky.

Hope my GamCare friends are all ok and successfully battling this monstrous addiction we are all afflicted by.

Sorry to hear you have been poorly Stephen, take things easy and look after yourself mate nothing more important than your health, hope your feeling better soon, this place is not the same without your daily posts and song choices which i always look forward to reading ..... take it easy and concentrate on getting yourself back to full health again.

Feeling out of sorts still and keep thinking it's tuesday for some reason. Doctors said I have to keep away from gym an swimming for 4 weeks. I will really miss that exercise. Christmas round the corner so I need to clear my head and get a bit more with it.

Hope you feel better soon Stephen and back to your normal self! Take care.

**edited to add: I'm not sure its this specific piece or just Mozart. I don't know a lot about classical! Maybe someone else will know! Something to do with the beat slowing the heart rate and calming the body? X

Thank you so much for the get well wishes. I am better in myself today and counting my blessings, feeling very fortunate in having such wonderful supportive friends in the diaries. Thank you 4D for the music link which I enjoyed

Very impressed with all the staff I encountered in the hospital, really good, happy and caring peoplel.

19 Days GF today which has not been too much of a challenge as I been 5 days at my sisters and 6 days in hospital. My sister would freak out if she saw me gambling and there is no betting shops in the hospital.

Hi Stephen. Hope you're resting and taking good care. It was a thoughtful suggestion from 4D to listen to the soothing music and hopefully this helps. Live and love each day and appreciate all the special moments from people who care.

Day 20 GF which is good but struggling with my breathing and not sleeping very well. Doctors said it will take some weeks for my chest to clear. I guess it's payback time for years of puffing on cigarettes.

All this is down to smoking which messed up my lungs, although I stopped 16 + years ago the damage was done. Developed COPD which made me vulnerable to pneumonia and recently made my heart go crazy. The moral of the story is **** DON'T SMOKE ****

Sorry for the negative post, hope everyone is enjoying the run up to christmas and staying gamble free.

Like all of us, really sorry to hear you're in the wars my friend. So glad you're 'in the system' and the doctors have given you the advice you need to slowly, but surely, get over this unpleasant time you're going through right now. We're all with you mate.

Thank you Mixer & Sharon. Slowly on the mend and just need to be more positive. Enjoyed your music link Mixer, the video of the Caribbean with Bob Marley singing " don't worry about a thing cos every little thing's gonna be alright." Certainly brought a smile to my face. Great to see you doing so well Sharon, you really are a wonderful example to us all. Wish I could bottle your courage and determination and I'd have two spoonfuls every day.

Hi Stephen, thanks for posting and your kind eords as always. Hope you are on the road to recovery and big respect for bouncing back. You have come a long way and provide care and wisdom for us all. Take it easy and have a lovely weekend S:)

Addiction is generally not good, whatever one's poison it can be soul destroying to have cravings for anything. As a compulsive gambler I have experienced shame and inadequacy which have just helped to fuel the addiction's hold over me.

It is often said we are our own worse enemies. Living in the grip of gambling addiction can blind us to everything, including the suffering of ourselves and our nearest and dearest. We make excuses and try to justify our gambling with all kinds of nonsense. Compulsive gamblers feeding the addiction might even claim to be trying to win money for the family.

Well I am not being pestered by the addiction today so I am feeling very confidant about my recovery. My chest pains and breathing are troubling me but that should clear up in a while.

Many on the diaries have remained gamble free for long periods.There is no reason I cannot do the same.

Twenty four days since my last bet. I am now on a mission. My promise is that I will not gamble today and hopefully tomorrow I can make the same promise. In the back of my mind is a target of 500 Days Gamble Free. If I can get to that I feel I will have cracked it.

Hi Stephen on this insanely blustery day, great positive post....I know you can do this! I have kept diaries for the last 7-8 years and can see when I started gambling. Sometimes I dwell on these but am going to buy a new diary today and have a fresh page/year for 2018. 24 days since your last gamble but you laid strong foundations previously so be kind to yourself as you have been to many others. Speedy recovery and take care S:)

Hi Stephen, Thanks for the kind words on my diary .... it really is crazy what we put ourselves through when we gamble knowing fine well what the outcome will be, still feeling pretty low after yesterday but words of encouagement & help from people like yourself on here really does give me hope that i can turn things around. Hope you are on the mend health wise,and yes you right there is no reason we cant go for long periods gamble free again.Keep fighting mate, we can do this.

Morning diary. Starting to feel better in myself, a little improvement in my chest and breathing so feeling happier.

Thanks for the posts on my diary. I feel very fortunate to be amongst such wonderful people on the diaries.

Sharon. Congratulations on 270 days gamble free. Your approach to recovery has been brilliant. Whenever the addiction tried to break your resolve you just kept going. One day at a time you have shown courage, determination and compassion for your fellow travellers.

Chartom. Good to see you back on the road and resolved to try again. A blip might only last a few hours but it can set our financiel recovery back a few months so it's not good. No point beating ourselves up though, we just have to get our head round it and try again.

Love and best wishes to all on the diaries. Hope we can all find what we're looking for.

Good to see your feeling better, like your reference to travelling, it's what were all doing, all different paths, all with one goal, meeting each other along our paths and sharing stories of how far were going and with our own specific tips of how we do it and taking advice from others. No more slips if you feel like your slipping were coming back for you. Stay focused. :-)

Evening Stephen and great to hear that you're slowly on the mend. Above all else, our health comes first. And it's great to hear, despite the wars you're going through right now, that you're still focussed on what matters; living the best life you can.

Hi Stephen. I'm really glad that you are feeling better and back on a pathway to hope, peace and happiness. This forum really does bring people together. Supporting one another with honesty and sincerity. A community of like-minded folk.

I know that you will reach Guru status and beyond. You have taken stock of all things in your life, good and bad and know what you want.

We must continually say to ourselves 'I don't need to gamble. I don't have to gamble. Life is better without gambling'!

Thank you for posting on my diary, the support and encouragement really helps.

Think I overdid it yesterday with a steam and swim followed by salsa dancing last night but can't lounge around indefinitely. Feel better but still pains in my chest. Appointment next tuesday at chest clinic and the day after off to my sisters to celebrate christmas with nephews and nieces.

Smashed. Good to see you really determined and getting further away from your last bet. Sorry about the parking tickets, I had three and each time it really annoyed me.

Mixer. Thanks for the Eagles message. Great meaningful lyrics which I have taken on board. I will follow your advice; "Enjoy life, swerve the gambling and take it easy."

Moorey. Really pleased with your progress. The fog's lifted and your seeing things clearer than before. Great to see your determination and positivity. Christmas will definitely be better for us without the gambling.

Changemylife. Always plenty of room for thought in your posts. Gives me plenty to ponder on when i'm trying to rationalise my behaviour and compulsion to gamble. Assuming the urges to gamble comes from within me, I don't understand why part of me is so intent on destroying me. It doesn't make much sense. I can see similarities with an unruly child who needs to be distracted from his destructive behaviour.

Anyway I don't gamble anymore and too much thinking gives me headache so i'm just going to focus on the simple fact that today I am not gambling.

Hi Stephen hope you're gently recovering and taking it easy. I can totally understand thinking too much about gambling gives you a headache. It'S really hard not to go over the same ground and beat yourself up mentally. Take care my friend and here's to the end of another GF day S:)

Hi Stephen your count says 30 days. That flew by. I do hope you're feeling better. My cg fell off his bike thinks he cracked a rib. He's just sneezed! You can imagine! These things are sent to try us. Here's a tune for you. Crowded house 'distant sun'. "Still so young to travel so farOld enough to know who you areWise enough to carry the scarsWithout any blame, there's no one to blame". Have a good day.

Thank you for the posts on my diary. Always good to get the support of friends. Appreciate the music siggestion Merry go round which I enjoyed. Hope your husband soon recovers from his woes. Great to see you on 275 days GF Sharon you really are a shining light on the recovery road.

Not long to christmas now which can be a happy time with it's message of hope and forgiveness. So much sadness in the world but I think we can rise above it with a clear conscience and desire to do the right thing.

30 Days GF which is heading in the right direction but need to look at my hopes and aspirations. Might think of a couple of resolutions to have ready for the new year.

"And I know if i'll only be true to this glorious quest that my heart will lie peaceful and calm when i'm laid down to rest."