Wow, an amazing topic. I still have my stuffed Ewok, 'Paploo" from stars wars- Return of the Jedi, i got him when i was 10, once when i left him at home. Our house burned down, and I went back secretly and dug through the ash of my room and found him, caked in ash and muck. My mother told me I had to throw him away, so I waited until she went to work and started the salvage process. Cleaning him was no different than thawing Han solo out of the carbonite. I used a hose and sprayed off all the funk i could then I filled the tub with hot water and detergent and washed and rung out, over and over until he was clean. Then i had to spray many different chemicals and fragrances and air fresheners to knock out the burn smell. Then more hand washing and air drying. It took three days and a carefully conceiled plan before I could reveal to my mother i had disobeyed her. But he was my best friend and I knew I couldn't just throw him away. HE wasn't synged or burned in anyway. The house burned to the ground. I still have him and gladly give him a hug once in a while. he spent time in my son's pocession and now sits in my daughter's room. Symbolically, watching over them as they slept. To this day he still has a faint burned odor, but for me it has become the smell I associate with him.

I always wanted a great dane. Those things are huge and it would be pretty comical to take him for a walk, since I'm definitely on the short side. But, I don't have the time to dedicate to a dog (walking, playing, etc) so I take the less selfish route and refrain from getting one. Some day though. Besides, I don't think anything can replace my care bear.

I didn't have one growing up. Either they couldn't afford it or it wasnt a priority. Oh well, I still have insomnia, so I am glad that you have a good friend to cuddle up with.

2 years ago, when I was going through an 8 month panic attack, I asked my daughter if her daughter had a stuffed animal that she wasnt closely attached to that I could borrow. My AA sponsor, who is also a CSA survivor, suggested it, and so I followed the direction.

Next time I went over to my daughter's home, my grand daughter came up to me with a polar bear animal and said, "This is for you Grampy. He said that he thought you might need a friend." I was so grateful. ( I cant stop blubbering now, amazing how much things like this can be so influential in our lives)

I gave her a big hug and took the bear home. It was amazing how much that bear was a comfort to me for a time. I had a hard time leaving him home when I left for awhile. But I assured him that I would be back and not to worry. And I can't believe that I actually talked to him regularly. At first it felt like I was an escapee from the cuckoo's nest. Glad I was able to go with it.

When my sponsor first suggested it, I was very leary of it, because of my 'manhood' jitters. But, NO, it isn't sissy and it is a good thing and I am glad that you brought it up. It brought back the memory of it that I hadn't thought about in a year and a half.

I no longer need it to be with me in bed, but i do still have it on my dresser. It was the best thing to help during my days of hell. I made it through it and i think that bear helped to a degree.

My totem is a grizzly bear, but my daughter said that they didnt have one, but that my grand daughter quickly found the polar bear and said that it was a cousin. Bless the beasts and the innocence of children. Wow, i cant believe that made me cry, but it was a good and cleansing thing to have a 'good' cry. It is amazing also, that I couldn't bring myself to call the bear an 'it' in this post. It is as though the bear is still a friend and not a thing.

take care man

peace

paul

_________________________
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

While I canít recall if I slept with stuffed animals as a child, I've been secretly considering getting one to sleep with. My therapist actually suggested that I try it to bring myself comfort and safety. Iíve been having such disturbing dreams lately that Iím willing to see if it makes me feel safer in my sleep. That said I feel very embarrassed about the idea of sleeping with a stuffed animal. All of this inner child work is extremely difficult for me. Itís just so hard to remember myself as anything other than an adult.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.

I
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.