Thursday, October 20, 2011

That Which Is Lost...

Last week my boss asked me where the certified mail forms were. I told him they were in the bottom drawer of the desk where the postage meter sits. He said he already looked there. I was so positive that's where I put them, I had to open the drawer and see for myself. Sitting in the drawer were the forms. I asked him how he could possibly have missed them considering they were the only items in the drawer. His reply was "They used to be in a folder, so I was looking for a folder." Hmm.

My ex told me one day we were out of milk. I told him that wasn't possible because I had just bought some. I went to the refrigerator, and sitting right in front, at eye level, was a full gallon of milk. "Oh" he said, "I was looking for the half gallon size." Huh?

I once lost my son at a major league baseball game. I know, that doesn't sound good. It was Little League Day, and all the kids were wearing their uniforms. My son spotted a boy he knew from another team, and asked if he could go say hi. It sounded okay to me so I said yes. Two innings later, he hadn't returned. I stood up and scanned the crowd. No sign of him. I reported him missing, and three employees of the ballpark showed up wanting a description. The two men and one woman took off on their search. What happened next put this whole experience in my top five scariest moments of my life. The game ended. Now, everyone was standing and filling the aisles. Just as the most horrifying thoughts were going through my mind, I saw the female employee coming my way, big smile on her face, and my son in tow. I never saw the two men again. For all I know, they are still looking for him.

Perhaps their acuity for focusing makes men unable to find things as well as women. If you asked Waldo to find himself, there is a good chance he couldn't. He might have the excuse "I thought I was taller than that." If male US soldiers were told to infiltrate a home because there was a chance Saddam Hussein was hiding there, they might have walked right by Osama bin Laden sitting on the couch watching Dancing with the Stars.

On the other hand, there are times when complete focus is necessary, and most women would fail at this. An example would be....uh...um...I don't know...what was I saying?

16 comments:

Elaine, this is just hilarious! Thanks for stopping by and entering the giveaway!! I kept on reading about the glasses issue, because I too have had the exact same experience!! I'm still laughing. I have reading glasses in every room of the house. I tried bifocal contacts, but could not adjust to the far away vision. I have never heard of a different one in each eye. Love your writing!!

Elaine, thanks for stopping by again:-) I am hearing a lot about hungry squirrels eating pumpkins! I'm not sure how they have not gotten into mine here yet. Funny because we have bears, coyotes and other assorted animals that get into things, lol!!

Elaine, I'm so glad I came over for a visit to your blog. YOur post is so accurate it is scary. I have a gift for finding things too. Money that no one can find and are in a panic because it was 'just' there a few minutes ago...or medicine...or keys...or, etc. Hahaha. Great post. Thanks for coming by my blog, otherwise I wouldn't have 'found' your blog...that which is lost but now found!Blessings,

I can completely relate! My husband's favorite saying is 'if it were a snake it would have bit me!I 'lost' my youngest when she was two - she just decided to walk out of the house and take a stroll - my husband had just left on a business trip - my son and I looked - then a neighbor was walking her home -s he tried to go into the wrong house! She's been very independent ever since!:)Kathy

Oh boy! You are so right! My husband does this all the time. Aimlessly wanders in the kitchen looking for things which he can't find and I walk in and open the cupboard and it's right there! He's very good on focusing on what he cares about but completely unfocused on things I care about!! Hmm....I love your humor and your point of view! You are too funny!!Liz P.S.- Glad you found your son!!

Hi lovely lady.I love your post. My husband does the same thing all the time. He just can not find things. His cell phone is the number one thing getting lost. It is good I can call the # and it will ring for him. I would like to thank you so much for your sweet comments on my new Tablescape. I hope you and your family have a great Thanksgiving Day.XXOO Diane

Awesome hmmmming! Perhaps they do have an "acuity for focusing" that is needed on some occasions, but I'll take the ability to multi-task any day. My husband did find the turkey platter that I was sure someone stole or hid it. Thanks for stopping by my post. I'm your newest follower. Keep up the hmmming, and story telling. ~CJ

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I tried to find a photo for my profile in which I didn't look tired. I had to go back pretty far, but I thought the tiara was a nice touch.
I spent most of my life trying to be perfect. I believed everything I saw on TV, and I could never understand why my life wasn't like that. It's taken a lot of years for me to figure out that perfect is boring. Now, I define my life by all the ridiculous mistakes I've made. And, for some reason, I feel compelled to share them. Maybe, you will read something that clicks, and think "Hey, I'm not alone." But, if all you get is a sense that I'm not firing on all cylinders, that's okay, too. But, please keep that to yourself, because in Elaine's Wonderful World, no one is judged, and all are welcome.