Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. I dare say some of you have watched me on one of those modern comedy panel shows, such as Eat Out of Ten Cats, Haven't I Got Some News Compares 2U, and QI For The Straight Guy.

Unfortunately, I don't like appearing on these sorts of shows, so in lieu of cracking any topical funnies, I prefer to clamber onto the desk, squat on my haunches, and rub my hands together. Oh well. It doesn't matter, I suppose. At least I go on them, which is more than I can say for most people.

Here are some jokes that I've just written. They only took about three minutes to do, and I forgot to read them back. Never mind. They're probably fine. Well, bye then. Yeah... bye.

QUESTION: Which food is known as "The Silent Brown"?ANSWER: Ssssssssshtew.

QUESTION: Brad Pitt has a vestigial twin on his right shoulder blade. What is its name?ANSWER: Brodd Pit.

QUESTION: What happens to Jewish ostrich boys on the eighth day of their life?ANSWER: They are ostracised.

QUESTION: Which creature is the most fortunate creature in the world?ANSWER: The Luckiness Monster (Loch Ness Monster).

QUESTION: What are you crying about?ANSWER: A sad story you thought up about a tragic centaur (kicked in face; died).

QUESTION: What is the opposite of a yeti?ANSWER: A not-yeti.

QUESTION: What game was invented by Norman Tebbit? ANSWER: Tebble Tennis.

QUESTION: What was Jesus Christ's maiden name?ANSWER: Jesus Cripes.

﻿QUESTION: Brodkin is to smodkin as branz is to...?﻿ANSWER: Unknown.

QUESTION: What lives in a haunted house and is covered in faeces? ANSWER: A grhosst.