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Friday, April 9, 2010

Sexy Hockey Boys Blow My Mind

Since we're on the subject of FanFiction this week and you all seem to be a bunch of dirty Twi-whores, I thought I'd take this opportunity to rec one of my current faves!

In high school, I fucking loved me some hockey boys. My one serious boyfriend in high school played hockey, of course. So maybe he wasn't the best on the team, but hey, he wore the uniform and some skates! Yummmm... And back in the 80s (yes, I'm that fucking old), it was all about that and some hockey hair! My boyfriend had it all. The kick-ass mullet, the cool pick-up truck, a big cock, and he could kick the shit out of anyone who fucked with us. I think he did Taekwondo or some shit like that.

Ralph Macchio will unleash "The Crane" on your hockey mullet!

But times have changed and over the years, I've come to hate hockey. My brother played for about 10 years and I spent more time at the ice arena than you can shake a hockey stick at. Since my brother is 5 years younger, it's not like I could check out the boys, they were all fucking children for chrissakes. Yeah, I know, I know - but there's a BIG difference between someone 5 years younger when you are 20 and someone ooohhh say 15-ish years younger when you are thirty-something... Anyway, I just got totally sick of it all!

Fast forward to 2010 and the introduction of an incredible piece of FanFiction by hunterhunting called The Misapprehension of Bella Swan. She introduces us to this new story with a description that makes it impossible for you not to drop everything and start reading.

"Through incessant stalking and persistence, can Edward wear down Bella's resistance and teach her to embrace her inner puck bunny? A ridiculous love story."

{{le sigh}}

Now I've had a mad girl crush on hunterhunting since she introduced us to Tattward in Clipped Wings and Inked Armor, so I'll read anything that genious dirty whore writes. And now I'm in love with Hockeyward... a complete rebirth of my love for the hockey boys... hockey whores to be exact.

If you're not reading this story, you are missing out. Big time. It's fucking hotter than a hooker's twat on a Friday night. After all the angst and tragedy in CW&IA, the MoBS is chock full of enough lemony goodness to pucker you for days, and it's fucking hilarious! Here's just a little taste...

I moan like a whore. Like really, I let out this throaty moan that's all porn star ridiculous and I can feel my face and chest heat up with embarrassment.

Apparently Edward likes my whore-like-moan because he pushes my Spidey top up higher but breaks the kiss and looks me in the eye, his palms flat against my chest, as if to ask if it's okay for him to go any further. And then I realize that this is exactly the case; everything, every move so far, he's asked permission to move forward. Something about this makes him that much sexier.

That's it... that's all you get! If you want more, clicky on the link and read that bitch. It's fucking awesome and it makes me want to go to a hockey game, get really drunk, and have random, meaningless sex with some hockey dude who might not speak very good English. Ok, not really... I don't think Mr. Latchkey would be too keen on that! But if I were single...

Um, this is kinda how I picture Hockeyward... and it makes me a little damp... Doesn't he look like he wants to body check ya right into bed? [Photo from Thinking of Rob]

Oh yes. I love this light, fun story after all the angst of CW&IA. Mr TM has been making jokes about Beaves since I started reading it to him. I go to sleep each Tuesday night thinking of the next chapter to cum out on Wednesday. Obsessed much? No, not me. ROTFL

Oh I am already hooked on MOBS!!!! I love me some Hockeyward. Also does not help that my roomie plays hockey. I do enjoy when he strolls to and from the bathroom with his shirt off. Too bad he is like a brother to me.

Being body checked by Edward...hhhuuuhhhmmmm. Especially if he is in that leather coat. I can't concentrate on anything now. Well, I'm officially no good to anyone now, for the rest of the night. Except for maybe Mr. LwE. Oh, honey....get your leather coat!

@LKW. thankfuck for the post! i am totes obsessing and cumming all over MoBS.

nothing sexier than all that pucking testosterone (on & off the ice), witty reparte, permission-based fuckhawt sex, and the golden shower of profanities that ms. swan spews forth is this fan-fic-tastic tale.

hell i've been pimpin this motherfucker out to everyone who will listen - twi-twats & normies alike!

LOL hell just this afternoon i was regaling my co-worker w/the beaver chapter...and we are in agreement hockey cock-in is a-rock-in.

I absofuckinglutely LOVE this story right now,Hockeyward is owning my ass fer sure!! I come from a hockey house and my ex played amateur level hockey + now my son plays too.I've always had a thing for FrenchCanadian hockey guys anyway!But I agree with Cullenboyz when she says that Hunterhunting makes the lemons funny+panty-drenching at the same time.It's hilariously HOT!!!

Fuck I mean CWIA finally convinced me to get my first tattoo. I was too chicken shit but imagining tattward, I was all too willing to jump in the chair. Fuck if I didn't get some bipolar wierd as fuck tattoo guy, but he was good and I just popped in my earphones and listened to Muse to pass the time. Yes. It's a Twilight Tattoo. Just script though, does that make it better?

I love this story so much I want to deep throat it & cup its balls. Srsly. Wednesday is my new favorite day. I already loved hockey. I really love when a hockey game breaks out in the middle of a fight. I swear this Bella is modeled after me. I've done all of the insane, stupid & embarrassing things she's done in this story. I just wish I got to do all the other things this Bella gets to do. And by things, I mean Edward.

Because of CW&IA, I now want viperbites. And I'm a stay-at-home mom who teaches Sunday School! Would not go over well with my fellow church goers. Hmmm, maybe I need to tone down my language a bit... Anyway, so hunterhunting is my new BFF (not really since I don't know her but I still big-lemony-heart her stories), so MOBS is on my list. And I'm sure it is going to own my ass just like tatward does.

I have started to read this one- Thank you! I happen to love hockey although I always hated the smell of the gear. Another one to add to the favs.

Speaking of favs, one of my favorite out of character (somewhat) period fics needs some props if anyone is into it. This woman knows her stuff and chapter 4-5 has some seriously hot on hot threesom material:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5355172/1/

Does anyone vsit the Altered Lion Sacrifical Lamb blogspot? They seriously kick ass for fic recs (though heavy on the Jasper at times).

I remember those girls in high school that would fall all over the guys that were from out of town that played on the local junior 'b' team. I always thought they were hot, until I sat next to one in history. He was seriously the dumbest fuck ever. No wonder I didn't date in high school.

My Wednesday's are spent compulsively checking my email until I find out it's been updated.

I LOVE this story. And I also kinda love that Edward is from my next of the woods. Guelph is super close to me.

MoBS OWNS me too! While I was over the pond I had limited internet access and I would open fanfic on my iTouch but I could only do one at a time. This last Wednesday I had to choose between MoTU and MoBS...Hockeyward won out...now that is saying something because I have a serious soft (and damp) spot for Fifty Shades...but I freakin' love Hockeyward.

@LKW-Excellent choice on the photo likeness for Hockeyward **fanning myself**,

Edward Fucking Damn It! I've been up for 3 days reading EP b/c I was too busy catching up with all the OTHER fics that make this fucking fandom rock socks, fucking neverthink is pimping the SHIT out of MoBS to me, now you write a post on it. I don't even really like hockey and I'm precumming all over this fic. Haven't even glanced in its general direction yet.

I swear, it's not that I don't want to fucking read the damn fic, it's just....I haven't even been able to read CW&IA yet! My "must read" list is literally 175+ and growing. ...Which is balls crazy b/c all I do is read fic and try to look normal...

My eyes are going to detach from the sockets and just roll the fuck out onto my keyboard.

FUCK! I love this life we lead, ladies. It's sick, sad, pathetic, and awesome

Is it just me, or do Rob's fingers look extra long and G-spot friendly in this pic? That's it baby, just curve up a little mo-THERE!

Ok, so this is NEXT on my must read list. IF I can survive Master of the Universe - it is SO owning me right now. Thanks for the rec & happy weekend, Twi-bitches!BTW, in case you didn't know this, Bath & Body Works now sells a new scent called 'Twilight Woods'. A friend of mine bought some for me (always on the lookout for Twi-stuff for me), & it actually smells good.

I was a rink rat for the better part of my youth. From 13 to 19 I was a pretty intense figure skater. I was at the rink more than I was at home.

I fell HARD for hockey boys. My first kiss was in skate rental, my first boyfriend was the equipment manager for the Grand Rapids Griffins (he was 23 and I was 17...I look back now and think...that was probably so wrong). My first blow job was given in the "pit" (where they keep the Zamboni).

I love the nasty hockey boy smell...oh boy, you hockey ladies know what I"m talking about. That, my elbow pads have been in my Bauer bag for about a month w/o airing out - smell.

I can still tell if a ice resurfacer is an Olymia or a Zamboni just by the sound. I love the smell of the ice...it has a smell, trust me. I love the sound of a puck against the boards and I love the sound of blades on ice.

I LOVE HOCKEYWARD!!! Damn...the last update this past Wednesday was so f'in H.O.T. Gah!!!

Like I wrote in my comments with the fanfic post -- Wednesday is totally my new favorite day! Seriously... I wake up early so I can drink my coffee while reading the update... which is probably wrong b/c who likes going to work with a roused up va-jay-jay.

Great post!

I shared your "hotter than a hooker's twat on a Friday night" with my DH. You now have the full respect of my twisted husband, just like JJ and STY (not that you care, but I love making him laugh with Twitarded wit).

w/v - torshest... I "tore open his shirt to lick his chest." Maybe it's not the w/v words that we get...it's just that our twi-hot minds can make any word dirty!

As I think I mentioned the other day when I pimped this story myself, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this fic! It's seriously my all-time favorite at this point, and that says a lot. And I want to give some major credit to hunterhunting, who is so great and faithful about updating every Wednesday. I'd love her for that alone, but this fic, this fic, this fic...gah. Those who are hesitating, or have it somewhere other than first on their lists, geez -- move that shit up to first place already! I promise you it's SO worth it!

@LKW thanks for this post. I have been such a good girl and tried to lay off the fanfic. I believe that I will be starting this one today. Sorry kids mommy is busy fantasizing...

@TexasKatherine I love you!!!! No really I fucking love you. Hurry up and come to Joisey will ya. I was giggling when I was reading your comment and dh yelled at me to get "off that fucking thing already!" @@ idiot.

w/v mershump. i can't think of anything but it seemed appropriate for ths post.

I love how we all can relate to Bella in MoBS and her foul-mouthed sense of humor. I fucking love HunterHunting. CW&IA popped my FF cherry. I am even considering a nipple piercing now!

AHHHH hockey players...my friends and I were big hockey hooker wannabees in high school. I recall one of my friends wrote in my yearbook, "have fun at UW-Madison and grab yourself a (insert name of hot college hockey player here who's identity I will not reveal)." Two years later I met that hockey player at a party and ended up having a fuck-awesome, all-night, one-night stand with him. After 3 hours of being fucked 8 ways from Sunday he suggested we take a shower together, my only one-nighter that included a shower... ahhh the memories.

Sorry to postwhore, but I hope hunterhunting is reading this and will maybe consent to share the NSFW picture that inspired MoBS. Because Lordamercy. Something tells me you all might -- ahem -- enjoy it.

This one has been on my "to read when finished" list so when that day comes I'll be all over that shit. I know it will be fuckawesome since I read and loved CWIA. I have so many in progress stories I'm reading right now there's no way I could possibly read anymore so I'll (impatiently) wait over here until it's complete lol.

I'm waaaaay ahead of you, girl. Thats one of the funniest stories I've ever read. Whats great about it is that Bella sthought process is just like mine. Lats chapter she biikini waxed and bruised herself in the process, saying she lookes like she was cunt punched. OMFG, I nearly pissed myself laughing!

Mmmmmmm, I totally love MOBS, and like others here (and indeed Bella herself) I had no interest whatsoever in hockey until I read those opening paragraphs about the violence on the ice and those emerald eyes. HOT.

This. Is. Awesome. I will be forever in debt to the ladies of Twitarded for introducing me to this one a little while back. I started reading it, and ended up staying awake until 3 in the morning reading it in a sweaty, tangled mess in my bed.

@Cullenboyz - I am SO with you on that - the hottest part is how he asks to go further every time. I cannot explain how pants-wettingly hot it is!

What makes it better is that it's so twat-splittingly funny!

@ Micki - damn, girl! That sound like its own lovely story. :)

So glad there's a community of you ladies out there to share this with!

Oh hell, ladies. Just reading the latest chapter, and the following sentence, I promptly creamed my panties, then busted a nut laughing:

We both groan as he gyrates his hips into my crotch and the hand that's under my jacket finds its way to my ass. He's gripping my left ass cheek rather hard and kneading it through my jeans. I'm pretty much molesting his mouth with my tongue at this point and I'm shamelessly shifting my hips against his, dry humping him for all I'm worth.

'k, h00rs, y'all got me hooked on MABS. Too fucking funny!! I am laughing my ass off ... and imagining the hottness that is hockey whore Edward (who really isn't one) Cullen. I grew up in the southwest so we didn't have hockey whores - just football and baseball whores.

Well...I just read the first 3 chapters and I am HOOKED!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to come back to this post and tell you how right you are...(My hubby played some hockey with the fire department...yes, firemen playing hockey...pretty hot; and I would go to the bars afterward and I WISH I had the balls Bella had...I might have had more fun!)

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