So I was up to kill myself....

I had everything done, I've written down a note for all the people I hate, and then I made a photo of what I had done and I sent it to my ex, because he's the only one that could help me. After a minute, he realized what that was on the picture and said he would call, either the police, me, or the ambulance, depending on me. And after that, I didn't want to hurt him.... So I left it and we talked for quite some time. Well, guess I wouldn't have died anyway. But somehow I'm proud that I'm still here, writing this down.

Wanted to do it again so that I wouldn't wake up today... But then my boyfriend texted me "I need you" when I said goodnight. And I know that this is right, because he always calls me his angel because I got him out of his depression. I feel a bit strange today... First lesson off, so I'm still in bed, last lesson off so I only have 7 lessons.... And my ex probably ignores me for the rest of my life.

My life is so meaningless... So senseless... Worthless... The only thing I do is going to school, trying to get good marks, but what for??

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One thing that I've come to understand in life is that it is only when you're dead that is meaningless. Death is the opposite of meaning, sense and worth. Therefore if you are still alive then you possess these things even if you can't see or feel it. It's only when you die that you truly lose them. If you can't find the worth, sense and meaning of your life in the grand scheme of things then look to the small, the simple, minute details about yourself and you will find them.

I feel so bad..... This night was the first one that I wasn't up to kill me. I could be proud. But since my class will have a trip today, my ex will probably think I had done it, so that's bad.
@ Kamisori : I think that only the people that meant nothing to anybody completely lose all worth, meaning and sense. As long as there's someone to keep the memorie alive there's still meaning.