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Which Summer 2014 Comedy Is Right for You?

Warner Bros. Pictures
Summer is finally here, which means the mosquitoes will inherit the earth for three sweltering months and our only retreat is the freon blasted confines of your local movie theater. Luckily, there are a ton of comedy movies heading our way this summer, and there's certainly a little something for everyone on the calendar. Whether you enjoy the meta-absurdity of 22 Jump Street, the talky romance of Woody Allen's latest, or the costume hijinks of Let's Be Cops, we've created a handy guide to help you determine which of this year's summer comedies is best for you.
22 Jump Street
Release Date: June 13What's It About: In this sequel to 21 Jump Street, Detectives Schmidt and Jenko go undercover once again. This time, a new, hip drug is making its way through a college campus. Time to do the same thing all over again.What Were You Like as a Kid: You were seriously hyper, jumping from one activity to another so quickly, it drove your parents bonkers. Besides having way too much energy, you were also pretty quick witted and funny. Jokes were falling from your mouth every second, and as a result, you spent many school days hanging out in the principal's office. He's actually was a pretty swell guy once you got to know him.What You Wanted to Be When You Grew Up: A stand-up comic. A career that could take all that jubilant energy and turn it into some it some crushing self-deprecating comedy. If not that, then perhaps a screenwriter.Your Favorite Summer Activity: Catching up on classic Mel Brooks and Monty Python flicks at your local movie theater's special midnight showings. You have to keep in touch with the greats if you want to become the best comedian you can.
Tammy
Release Date: July 2What's It About: After losing her job and learning that her husband has been unfaithful, Tammy hits the road with her profane, hard-drinking grandmother in order to see Niagara Falls.What Were You Like as a Kid: You were a wild child. If you're a guy, you probably had the finest pre-school mullet in the Tri-State area. It was a real work of art. You were that kid that people mostly got along with, but everyone was still slightly afraid of, and for good reason.What You Wanted to Be When You Grew Up: Is being a professional robber a thing? If it is, then definitely that. If that didn't work out, you wanted to be a professional wrestler.Your Favorite Summer Activity: Wearing sleeveless T-shirts, because sleeves in the summertime are for fancy people and democrats.
Sex Tape
Release Date: July 18What's It About: After 10 years of a so-so marriage, Jay and Annie try to spice up their routine by making a sex tape, but the recording gets shared to that mysterious cloud thing all the young people are talking about, and the couple struggles to get it back.What Were You Like as a Kid: Even as a child, you yearned for the comforting ease of domestic life. While everyone else couldn't wait to get wild and crazy at college, you just wanted to settle down, have 2.5 kids, and live in a quiet suburb where nothing really happens. You wanted to get married to you middle-age sweetheart that you only met two weeks prior, because true love isn't bound by silly adult things like logic.What You Wanted to Be when You Grew Up: A lawyer or a doctor. Something that looks really good on a business card.Your Favorite Summer Activity: Hitting the local country club for a couple swings of golf, praying that no one else realizes you have no idea what you're doing. What the hell is a bogey anyway?
Magic in the Moonlight
Release Date: July 25What’s It About: In the 1920s, skeptic and stage musician Stanley tries to debunk a young woman named Sophie, who claims to be a spiritualist.What Were You Like as a Kid: You were a romantic. While the other kids lived in constant fear of a class 5 cooties outbreak, you spent your formative years working on your game. You saw yourself as a young ladykiller or dudeslayer, and hoped to grow up into a player. You listened to jazz, read F. Scott Fitzgerald, asked your grandpa for style advice. Most teachers said you had an “old soul.”What You Wanted to Be When You Grew Up: You were saddened to learn that “professional fancy person” wasn’t really a feasible career choice, but you’d settle with museum curator.Your Favorite Summer Activity: Sitting on a deserted beach and reading a nice jazz-age novel.
Let's Be Cops
Release Date: August 13What's It About: Best Friends Ryan and Justin go to a costume party dressed up as cops, but when everyone at the shindig actually believes that they're real officers of the law, they let the new found power go to their heads and they get wrapped up with actual mobsters.What Were You Like as a Kid: You were a control freak. You were most likely a hall monitor in elementary school and wore that plastic badge like it was the real deal. You tormented your classmates with detention slips and everything was in your jurisdiction, even the water fountains. You walked down the halls like the big man on campus and flexed what little bit of power so hard for all its worth. You liked to think of yourself as tough, but the second a big kid real threatened you, you went straight to a teacher to tattle. Hey, this cheap orange sash and badge is cool, but it ain't that cool.What You Wanted to Be When You Grew Up: A cop, obviously, but you'll probably end up a mid-level manager at your local Applebees, using your those same hall monitor scare tactics on your new 16-year-old wait staff.Your Favorite Summer Activity: Lifeguarding. What other summer activity allows you to exact dominion over people for 15 dollars an hour?
Life of CrimeRelease Date: August 29What's it About: Loving wife Margaret Dawson is kidnapped by a couple of career criminals and held for ransom, but her husband has no intention of paying to get her back.What Were You Like as a Kid: You were a hustler. You were always scheming to make more cash, whether it be selling candy out of your backpack or doing homework for the dumb kids. Eventually you refined you hustle into something more lucrative, but everyone has to start somewhere.What You Wanted to Be When You Grew up: Sawyer from Lost.Your Favorite Summer Activity: Extreme Couponing. Being an actual con man is quite dangerous, but you can still get that same adrenaline rush from scoring 300 tubes of toothpaste for 50 cents. Ah, the thrill of the chase.
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Sony Pictures via Everett Collection
I find it difficult to remember a time that I was as gobsmacked by a comedy as I was by 21 Jump Street. It represented all of the things no one wanted in a film: a reboot of an '80s television show, another buddy cop send-up, and Channing Tatum doing comedy. So what a surprise it was when the film turned out to be such a pleasant surprise — a big studio comedy so blissfully self-aware and meta, but also downright funny. It took all the worries I had about reboots, television adaptations, and Tatums, and confronted them with such an subversive kick in the pants, becoming the standout comedy of 2012. A surprising marvel risen out of such bottom barrel expectations. But now the follow-up, 22 Jump Street, has a whole new set of worries to address, and the film wastes no time in bringing that same self-deprecating hilarity to the subject of sequels. And it suceeds… for the most part.
In its own existential way, 22 Jump Street is really a sequel about sequels. It unhooks all the underpinnings of second films and mocks the big studio cynicism that floats over any big-budget follow-up to a successful property, reconfiguring the notion into a farcical blend of self-mockery. As Nick Offerman's police chief character lays out in thick slabs of meta exposition, the Jump Street reboot was a surprise success, so the department now has double the budget for the follow-up program that sees Detectives Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Jenko (Tatum) infiltrating a college campus to “do the same thing” they did before... except it probably won’t be as successful and people won’t like it as much. Get it? How can you not?
That thread of meta humor is woven through the entire film, and 22 Jump Street doesn't feel as much as a follow-up to the first Jump Street film but a full-on parody of it. And while calling something a parody of itself is usually a pejorative remark, here it's the clear intention. The film is several grades sillier than its predecessor, and is nothing short of a live-action cartoon. Really, it's just as effervescent and spastic as writer/directors Chris Lord and Phil Miller's last feature, The Lego Movie. 22 Jump Street isn't just on the nose, it is the nose. And if that sort of humor rankles you, there won't be much for you to enjoy in 22 Jump Street. But for those of us with a high tolerance for the ridiculous — for instance, an early suspect in the drug case literally has a tattoo of a red herring — then there's a lot to like in this sequel.
Sony Pictures via Everett Collection
There’s a lovely lack of logic coursing through the film, and its frequently and riotously funny. Tatum is transitioning into quite the physical comedian, and Hill’s vulnerable Schmidt adds some nice emotional beats to a film that's wildly unconcerned with anything approaching reality. Ice Cube’s Capt. Dickson also gets way more to do this time around, giving the film some of its biggest laughs. The whole thing is infused with such unbridled creative energy, thanks to Lord and Miller, but the film also gets lost in its own narrative aspirations.
So many of the narrative beats are the same as those in 21, but inverted and packaged with a supplementary wink and nod at this mimicry. Oddly, the film feels simultaneously ambitious and rote all at the same time. Here’s a film trying its best to subvert the notion of sequels, but falls right into the trap it spends so much time lampooning. Much of the time watching the film is spent waiting for the other boot to drop, but it never really does. The set-up and the punchline of the film’s central gag is the same: we did it same thing again. Isn’t that funny? Well, yeah, sure, but only partially, because we already saw it last time.
It's hard to criticize 22 Jump Street for not quite reaching its narrative ambitions when it's so often side-splitingly funny despite them. Yeah, its meta humor doesn't work 100 percent of the time, but when it does, it's hilarious. The sequel is so remarkably odd and interesting with its approach to crafting a follow-up that we're excited to see what comes next from the series. I hear there's a Laotian mega-church being built right across the way at 23 Jump Street.
3.5/5
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Sony Pictures via Everett Collection
What does it take to be funny? After delivering some hilarious drug-busting hi-jinks in the delightfully subversive 21 Jump Street, officers Jenko and Schmidt have graduated high school and are making the big move to college in the sequel. But is the joke still funny in 22 Jump Street? We sat down with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill to talk about making room for improvisation in the finely tuned world of Chris Miller and Phil Lord, the development of some of the film's most memorable jokes, and Tatum's uncertainty in transforming from a pretty slab of beef to a genuinely gifted comedic actor.
Warning: This interview mentions specific jokes contained in the film.
There might not be as much off the cuff material in the film as you'd think:
Channing Tatum: "[Lord, Miller, and Hill] are great writers, so it’s not like we just walk in and start improving. There’s really, really, really witty and great writing. It’s not just jokes, there’s actually some really good character and relationship stuff between Jonah and I and some of the other characters. They write and then we do what’s on the page, and we do that a bunch of times until we feel that we’ve got it. And then it’s like, teacher blows the whistle and it’s recess time on set."
And it was tough for Tatum to adapt to the comedy game:
Tatum: "I was like, 'Man, I don’t know if I can do this comedy stuff.' The way you do it is different than other movies, sometimes. You’ll just take a run at a line and do it a bunch of different ways. Sometimes you’ll just take a minute and be like, 'All right, let’s see if we can make sure we have this line.' That’s not generally what you do in drama. That was weird and you don’t have this overwhelming feeling that it’s working, ever. I think people are laughing at times, but I’m not sure it’s going to all come together and just because it was a form that I didn’t understand all that well."
"I had to learn how to let go on the first one, and just leave it up to the gods, or Chris and Phil. I had no ego going into it, and generally don’t on any movie, really, because the best idea in the room wins. You just gotta step up to the plate and swing as hard as you can and try to keep growing and try to keep on taking parts that challenge you in movies that aren’t some derivative version of another movie that you’ve done ... You do want to push yourself, and if you keep doing that, you will keep getting better and you will keep doing better work. When I asked [Hill], I was like, 'Look, man, I just don’t know how to be funny. I just don’t know how to do that. I don’t see myself as that.' and he’s just like, 'Look, I just want you to be a good actor, and come in and don’t try to be funny. Let me worry about knowing what’s going to be funny in the scene.' And I really did. I left it up to him. Chris and Phil were great. And we just started trudging down the field and tried to make a good movie."
Tatum and Hill discuss some of their favorite gags from the film, including the made up land of "Puerto Mexico"...
Jonah Hill: "Puerto Mexico [is] a perfect example of a Phil Lord and Chris Miller Joke. Where you just read that and are like “I have no idea what that means, but you guys, I totally trust you guys."Tatum: "It’s truly funny to them. They think it’s the funniest thing in the world and I can see someone else making that joke and it not working out in the movie somehow, and for some reason, they just make it work."
...and mixing up carte blanche with Cate Blanchett...
Tatum: "I think that was [Jonah's] joke."Hill: "No, that might have been Rodney Rothman. He’s a great writer and a friend of ours. He’s one of the writers on the film. He’s been a friend of mine for years and years, and he’s been a friend of Phil and Chris’ for years and years. So when we were writing this one, we were like, let’s have Rodney write with us so we can soak up his genius. That joke is funny. I think that’s my favorite joke in the movie."Tatum: "We tried to actually get her, I think ... She was busy."Hill: "Yeah, for some reason, [laughs] she didn’t want to be in the movie ... Turns out we didn’t have carte blanche."
22 Jump Street hits theaters on Friday, June 13.
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NBC Universal Media
Television upfronts are upon us. Even though the fall TV season has just barely come to a close, with many shows not returning next year (poor Community), the networks have a new crop of shows ready to premiere later this year. NBC has recently announced its fall lineup, including an interesting mix of comedies and dramas. Here's a preview of NBC's upcoming primetime lineup
A to ZWhat It Is: Single-camera sitcom.What It's About: Andrew (Ben Feldman), a romantic at heart, tries to win the girl of his dreams, Zoey (Cristin Milioti).Who's in It: Ben Feldman, Cristin Milioti. What It Sounds Like: Exactly like How I Met Your Mother. It's so similar it's almost a little shameless. Check this: The male lead is a doe-eyed romantic; the female lead wants nothing to do with relationships; an unseen narrator who is also voiced by an actor best known from a '90s sitcom (Katey Sagal), is recounting the whole story; incredible romantic coincidences aplenty involving particularly colored items. It's madness. But at least they don't share a cast member... oh, wait...How Good It Will Be: It honestly looks like a tepid version of the CBS series, but without any of that show’s subversive charm or quirks.How Long It Will Last: It looks pleasant enough to last through the season, but who wants to watch another eight years of Ted and Robin doing will-they-won’t they.Premiere: Thursdays at 9:30 this fall.
Bad JudgeWhat It Is: Single-camera sitcom.What It's About: Rebecca Wright (Kate Walsh) is a wild party girl who also happens to be L.A.'s toughest criminal judge.Who's In It: Kate Walsh, John Ducey, Tone Bell, Theodore Barnes.What's It Sound Like: A reality show titled Judge Judy: Off the Bench.How Good It Will Be: Judging by the trailer, it seems like the main character’s antics will grow stale after a while. “She’s a high ranking official, yet she’s wildly inappropriate” can only be barely amusing for so long.How Long It Will Last: This looks dead on arrival.Premiere: Thurdays at 9:00 this fall.
The Mysteries of LauraWhat It Is: Cop dramedy. What It's About: Laura Diamond (Debra Messing) is a gifted detective who must balance the excitement of police work with managing her twin boys and a flippant ex-husband.Who's In It: Debra Messing, Josh Lucas.What's It Sound Like: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but with more family drama.How Good Will It Be: It’s hard to tell. The trailer is charming enough and is actually littered with a couple chuckles. How Long Will It Last: We can see this one going the distance.Premiere: Wednesdays at 8:00 this fall.
ConstantineWhat It Is: Supernatural drama.What It's About: Based on DC Comics’ classic series Hellblazer, demon hunter John Constantine travels the country to fight off the forces of hell while looking cool in a trench coat. Who's In It: Matt Ryan, Lucy Griffiths, Harrold Perrineau. What's It Sounds Like: Like Supernatural, with more Brits. How Good Will It Be: The trailer has some genuine creepy moments and looks like a far cry from the Keanu Reeves-centered, sun-drenched L.A. interperatation of the character from 2005’s Constantine. Matt Ryan is a dead ringer for the comic book version, down to the blond hair and british-accented quips. How Long Will It Last: This one has good chances. Even though it’s scheduled for Friday nights, which is usually the death nell for television, NBC’s other supernatural action series, Grimm has improbably managed to survive on the same night. Also, It’s connection to comics will certainly bring in viewers.Premiere: Fridays at 10:00 this fall.
State of AffairsWhat It Is: Drama. What It's About: CIA analyst Charleston Tucker (Katherine Heigl) must decide which international crises need to be brought to the attention of the president. She’s also on a mission to find the people responsible for the murder of her fiancé, who was the president’s son.Who's In It: Katherine Heigl, Alfre Woodard, Adam Kaufman. What's It Sound Like: Like Scandal meets Homeland. How Good It Will Be: It looks like a soapy, glossy network version of Homeland, which could be fun, but could also be terrible. How Long It Will Last: NBC found a surprise hit with The Blacklist, and this show looks pretty similar in story. If it can pick up on that show’s audience it will definitely make it through the season.Premiere: November 17 at 10:00.
Marry MeWhat Is It: Single-camera sitcom. What It's About: After six perfect years together, Annie and Jake are ready to get married, but the universe seems to have other plans for them. Who's In It: Ken Marino, Casey Wilson, Sarah Wright, John Gemberling. What's It Sound Like: It’s basically looks like Happy Endings, which makes sense since it’s also from that show’s creator, David Caspe. How Good Will It Be: The cast has some great comedy chops, and the trailer has some goofy laughs here and there. If this show is even half as good as Happy Endings in it’s prime, we’ll be satisfied.How Long Will It Last: NBC is in dire need of some new comedies so we’re betting this one sticks around for a while. Premiere: Tuesday at 9:00 this fall.
AllegianceWhat It Is: Spy drama. What It's About: Alex O’Connor is a young idealistic CIA analyst, but his life comes crashing down when he learns that his parents are deactivated KGB agents who have just been re-enlisted by the Kremlin to commit a terrorist attack against the U.S. Who's In It: Gavin Stenhouse, Scott Cohen, Hope Davis.What's It Sound Like: The Americans, but with fewer wigs and less '80s music. How Good It Will Be: It’ll be hard for this show to compete quality-wise with The Americans, which is probably the most underrated drama on television, since it is mining such similar territory. How Long It Will Last: You only have to look as far as NBC’s Hostages to see that dramas like this don’t tend to do well on the network. If the show is a critical success it good skate on its prestige like Hannibal, but we don’t see this as being terribly successful.Premiere: N/A
AquariusWhat It Is: Period police drama.What It's About: In 1967, L.A. police sergeant Sam Hodiak investigates a cult leader luring young women to his cause. Little does he know that that the guy he’s hunting turns out to be Charles Manson.Who's In It: David Duchovny. What's It Sound Like: Bates Motel, but replace Norman Bates with Charles Manson. How Good Will It Be: It looks like NBC is trying to mine the success (critical success at least) of Hannibal. If this show is even a tenth as good as that, it will be a home run.How Long Will It Last?: Knowing NBC and it’s audience, If this show does make it to the end of the season, it will be one of those shows that’s permanently on the bubble come renewal time.Premiere: N/A
Emerald CityWhat It Is: Fantasy drama.What It's About: A woman investigating the identity of her biological mother gets swept up into a tornado and transported to a twisted vision of magical world of Oz Who's In It: N/A What's It Sound Like: A dark and gritty version of The Wizard of Oz. How Good Will It Be: Judging from recent “Dark” versions of fairy tales (Hanzel and Gretal: Witch Hunters, Snow White and the Huntsman), we don’t have high hopes. How Long Will It Last: NBC’s recet genre offerings haven’t fared to well, but ABC’s Once Upon a Time shows that there’s certainly an audience for fantasy on network TV.Premiere: N/A
Mission ControlWhat Is It: Single-camera sitcom.What's It About: Dr. Mary Kendricks is a brilliant Aerospace engineer that must survive the boys club of Astronauts in the 1960s. Who's In It: Krysten Ritter, Tommy Dewey, Malcolm Barrett, Johnathan Slavin, Julie Meyer.What's It Sound Like: Mad Men meets Anchorman with some Better Off Ted sprinkled in. How Good Will It Be: Mad Men has found a great amount of drama exploring the old-timey misogyny of the 1960s. A series that can explore the same themes from a comedic lens could be really great.How Long Will It Last: It’s hard to tell. This sounds pretty ambitious from NBC. It doesn’t seem like the sort of thing that people will immediately click with, so Mission Control might not last.Premiere: N/A
Mr. RobinsonWhat It Is: Single-camera sitcom.What's It About: Down on his luck musician Craig Robinson (Craig Robinson... hey, wait a minute...) teaches music to pay the bills, but works harder to inspire his students once he finds out that they’re only taking his class for the easy A.Who's In It: Craig Robinson, Jean Smart.What's It Sound Like: An updated version of Welcome Back Kotter.How Good Will It Be: Craig Robinson is a huge talent, and we’ve been waiting for him to get the chance to carry his own show. Fingers crossed, everybody. How Long Will It Last: Hopefully, old fans of The Office can rally behind this show and help it secure at least a couple of seasons.Premiere: N/A
OdysseyWhat It Is: Multi-camera sitcom. What It's About: A soldier, a corporate lawyer, and a political activist uncover a military-industrial conspiracy involving al Qaeda, the U.S. military, and a U.S. corporation funding the terrorist cell.Who's In It: Anna Friel, Peter Facinelli, Jake Robinson, Jim True-Frost. What's It Sound Like: Traffic with a heaping teaspoon of Homeland.How Good Will It Be: It sounds like an ambitious, international undertaking from NBC. It sounds good, but then again it’s from a director of Grey’s Anatomy. We guess we’ll have to see.How Long Will It Last: Not too long. This doesn’t look like NBC’s usual offerings so it’s hard to think it will last.Premiere: N/A
One Big Happy What Is It: Single-camera sitcom.What's It About: Best friends, Lizzy and Luke decide to start an unorthodox family, but things get crowded when Luke meets and marries the woman of his dreams, Prudence, a british expat scheduled to leave the country. Who's In It: Nick Zano, Elisha Cuthbert, Kelly Brook.What's It Sound Like: A zanier version of Modern Family. How Good Will It Be: It sounds like fun, and Elisha Cuthbert was fantastic in Happy Endings.Premiere: N/A
Unbreakable Kimmy SchmidtWhat Is It: Single camera sitcom What’s It About: After 15 years of living in a cult, a woman decides to reinvent her life by moving to New York and taking on the city that never sleeps.Who's In It: Ellie Kemper, Tituss Burgess.What’s It Sound Like: Ugly Betty meets The Office.How Good Will It Be: Ellie Kemper is perpetually delightful, and the idea of a woman readjusting to modern life after living in a cult could lead to some absurd situations. How Long Will It Last: Like Mr. Robinson, fans of the office might give this show a boost at least initially. Were thinking this one will at least finish out it’s season.Premiere: N/A
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When the world learned of the existance of a 21 Jump Street film reboot, the response was decidedly negative, and rightfully so. Reboots of '80s TV shows are hardly ever successful, or even watchable, which is why we were all surprised when the Jump Street reboot was actually a pretty enjoyable romp. A film that didn't just clear the low bar of expectations collectively set by everyone with sense, but vaulted over with confidence. Now that the sequel has come around, how excited are we for the prospect of another film? Part of the charm of 21 Jump Street was the fact that it should have been terrible. A purely nonsensical reboot based on an '80s TV show that was quickly slipping through the seams of public consciousness had no chance of being good, but somehow, almost against the laws of science and nature, the film turned out to be surprisingly fun. But was it really that good, or were we just relieved it wasn't awful? Expectation is a powerful thing, and Jump Street was certainly graded on a curve as a result. Now, the sequel 22 Jump Street actually has certain expectations to meet.
Sony Pictures/YouTube
Judging from the latest green brand trailer, we think this film might have the goods. While this green band trailer lacks the raunch and saucy language of the red band one, it's still pretty darn entertaining. Nick Offerman lays on the film's meta premise in thick coats, as he explains the improbable circumstances that brought the Jump Street program to their latest case, and a sequel to the first film to theaters. Naturally, fake high schoolers/police detectives Jenko (Channing Tatum) and Schmidt (Jonah Hil) have graduated to college. Since thirty-somethings attending college does actually happens in real life, this isn't nearly as absurd of a presence as the original. Once again, the duo is investigating a drug ring inside of a school, but now all of the jokes spoofing high school cliches have been upgraded with more collegiate ones. That means frat parties! Dorm room decorating! Lecture halls! It's all there like you remember... or sort of remember, it's kind of hazy. Plus, we're treated to copious amounts of bullets being fired into the air, Ice Cube unknowingly using sexual innuendo, and your usual slew of pop culture gags. All pretty funny stuff.
There's also the added fact that the film's writers, Phil Lord and Chris Miller, also wrote The Lego Movie, a hilariously original feat that was far better than expected. It seems like these guys have a knack for surpassing expectations, and hopefully 22 Jump Street makes us a believer once again.
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Summit via Everett Collection
You can imagine that Renny Harlin, director and one quadrant of the writing team for The Legend of Hercules, began his pitch as such: We'll start with a war, because lots of these things start with wars. It feels like this was the principal maxim behind a good deal of the creative choices in this latest update of the Ancient Greek myth. There are always horse riding scenes. There are generally arena battles. There are CGI lions, when you can afford 'em. Oh, and you've got to have a romantic couple canoodling at the base of a waterfall. Weaving them all together cohesively would be a waste of time — just let the common threads take form in a remarkably shouldered Kellan Lutz and action sequences that transubstantiate abjectly to and fro slow-motion.
But pervading through Lutz's shirtless smirks and accent continuity that calls envy from Johnny Depp's Alice in Wonderland performance is the obtrusive lack of thought that went into this picture. A proverbial grab bag of "the basics" of the classic epic genre, The Legend of Hercules boasts familiarity over originality. So much so that the filmmakers didn't stop at Hercules mythology... they barely started with it, in fact. There's more Jesus Christ in the character than there is the Ancient Greek demigod, with no lack of Gladiator to keep things moreover relevant. But even more outrageous than the void of imagination in the construct of Hercules' world is its script — a piece so comically dim, thin, and idiotic that you will laugh. So we can't exactly say this is a totally joyless time at the movies.
Summit via Everett Collection
Surrounding Hercules, a character whose arc takes him from being a nice enough strong dude to a nice enough strong dude who kills people and finally owns up to his fate — "Okay, fine, yes, I guess I'm a god" — are a legion of characters whose makeup and motivations are instituted in their opening scenes and never change thereafter. His de facto stepdad, the teeth-baring King Amphitryon (Scott Adkins), despises the boy for being a living tribute to his supernatural cuckolding; his half-brother Iphicles (Liam Garrigan) is the archetypical scheming, neutered, jealous brother figure right down to the facial scar. The dialogue this family of mongoloids tosses around is stunningly brainless, ditto their character beats. Hercules can't understand how a mystical stranger knows his identity, even though he just moments ago exited a packed coliseum chanting his name. Iphicles defies villainy and menace when he threatens his betrothed Hebe (Gaia Weiss), long in love with Hercules, with the terrible fate of "accepting [him] and loving [their] children equally!" And the dad... jeez, that guy must really be proud of his teeth.
With no artistic feat successfully accomplished (or even braved, really) by this movie, we can at the very least call it inoffensive. There is nothing in The Legend of Hercules with which to take issue beyond its dismal intellect, and in a genre especially prone to regressive activity, this is a noteworthy triumph. But you might not have enough energy by the end to award The Legend of Hercules with this superlative. Either because you'll have laughed yourself into a coma at the film's idiocy, or because you'll have lost all strength trying to fend it off.
1/5
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Lions Gate via Everett Collection
When we last left our heroes, they had conquered all opponents in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, returned home to their newly refurbished living quarters in District 12, and fallen haplessly to the cannibalism of PTSD. And now we're back! Hitching our wagons once again to laconic Katniss Everdeen and her sweet-natured, just-for-the-camera boyfriend Peeta Mellark as they gear up for a second go at the Capitol's killing fields.
But hold your horses — there's a good hour and a half before we step back into the arena. However, the time spent with Katniss and Peeta before the announcement that they'll be competing again for the ceremonial Quarter Quell does not drag. In fact, it's got some of the film franchise's most interesting commentary about celebrity, reality television, and the media so far, well outweighing the merit of The Hunger Games' satire on the subject matter by having Katniss struggle with her responsibilities as Panem's idol. Does she abide by the command of status quo, delighting in the public's applause for her and keeping them complacently saturated with her smiles and curtsies? Or does Katniss hold three fingers high in opposition to the machine into which she has been thrown? It's a quarrel that the real Jennifer Lawrence would handle with a castigation of the media and a joke about sandwiches, or something... but her stakes are, admittedly, much lower. Harvey Weinstein isn't threatening to kill her secret boyfriend.
Through this chapter, Katniss also grapples with a more personal warfare: her devotion to Gale (despite her inability to commit to the idea of love) and her family, her complicated, moralistic affection for Peeta, her remorse over losing Rue, and her agonizing desire to flee the eye of the public and the Capitol. Oftentimes, Katniss' depression and guilty conscience transcends the bounds of sappy. Her soap opera scenes with a soot-covered Gale really push the limits, saved if only by the undeniable grace and charisma of star Lawrence at every step along the way of this film. So it's sappy, but never too sappy.
In fact, Catching Fire is a masterpiece of pushing limits as far as they'll extend before the point of diminishing returns. Director Francis Lawrence maintains an ambiance that lends to emotional investment but never imposes too much realism as to drip into territories of grit. All of Catching Fire lives in a dreamlike state, a stark contrast to Hunger Games' guttural, grimacing quality that robbed it of the life force Suzanne Collins pumped into her first novel.
Once we get to the thunderdome, our engines are effectively revved for the "fun part." Katniss, Peeta, and their array of allies and enemies traverse a nightmare course that seems perfectly suited for a videogame spin-off. At this point, we've spent just enough time with the secondary characters to grow a bit fond of them — deliberately obnoxious Finnick, jarringly provocative Johanna, offbeat geeks Beedee and Wiress — but not quite enough to dissolve the mystery surrounding any of them or their true intentions (which become more and more enigmatic as the film progresses). We only need adhere to Katniss and Peeta once tossed in the pit of doom that is the 75th Hunger Games arena, but finding real characters in the other tributes makes for a far more fun round of extreme manhunt.
But Catching Fire doesn't vie for anything particularly grand. It entertains and engages, having fun with and anchoring weight to its characters and circumstances, but stays within the expected confines of what a Hunger Games movie can be. It's a good one, but without shooting for succinctly interesting or surprising work with Katniss and her relationships or taking a stab at anything but the obvious in terms of sending up the militant tyrannical autocracy, it never even closes in on the possibility of being a great one.
3.5/5
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Whoa, nelly. For a show about four young people living in Los Angeles, Tuesday’s episode of New Girl certainly had a lot of talk about horse semen.
The Fox series hasn’t exactly replicated the success of its first season this year, so you’d think that an episode in which the main conflict hinged on selling the fruit of a steed’s loins would be the moment to throw in the towel. Against all odds, it’s actually not. And that’s because after you wade through all the jokes about the white stuff, you get to the right stuff: the genuine, (dare I say it) heartwarming bond between Jess and Nick.
The nonsense starts when Dennis Farina stops by to play the long awaited father to Nick’s aimless wonder. While I was hoping to find Mr. Grumpy Cat Sr. trudging around the quartet’s ridiculous L.A. loft apartment, competing with Nick to see who could gain more frown lines in a single sitting or go hoarse from griping about kid these days, Mr. Miller waltzes in like Willy Wonka, besting Nick at the game I’m totally going to make my friends play next time one of them has had one too many drinks for the night: Feely Cup. (How Nick didn’t get that the mystery item was a tampon wrapped in duct tape dipped in baking powder will forever remain a mystery. Talk about no direction!)
Winston is ecstatic, until Schmidt reminds him that Mr. Miller is a con man who brought his kid and his best friend a box of hats that read “Chica Go Bills” (you mean you don’t remember cheering for Michael Jordan to lead the Chica Go Bills basketball team to victory?). But Winston didn’t have a dad growing up, so he clung to Walt Miller and ignored his obvious scheming, but that storyline is over now because Winston is the worst and this episode is all about Nick. Gosh, Winston.
Walt takes the whole crew, minus Schmidt who’s on a mission to save Cece from a blind date (but more on that in a minute), to the race tracks. Between ‘supping various extras from The Sopranos all day at the tracks, Walt convinces Jess that he’s here to make things right with Nick, and he gets her to pitch in to buy Nick the horse “he always wanted,” but surprise! It’s all a ruse so Walt can get into the horse semen black market. Oh, of course. That thing that’s totally real. (It’s very real. The phrase “selling horse semen” is now a permanent mark on my Google record. You’re welcome.)
The episode gets sweet, and far weirder than I could have imagined, when Nick insists on accompanying his father to the drop so he can make sure Jess gets her investment back (Winston, however, is stuck never seeing a dime of that $1100 Walt owes him.) When the Russian gangsters show up to buy the horse for his grade-A product (“He makes the white?”), Nick is determined to make the sale, no matter how much his Pinoccio’s nose of a perspiration problem gets in the way. He tells his first lie with his face scrunched up like a pug’s face on a ShrinkyDink: “You’ll get a bunch of horse semen.” It’s enough to make Nick’s body erupt in a shiny layer of sweat, which glistens enough in the headlights of the Russians’ car that they assume he’s wearing a wire. If all the talk of semen wasn’t weird enough, the Russians make Nick get naked and dance, but luckily, before it gets weird Nick turns the dance into a spastic Nick Miller ballet. Sweat Lake, perhaps? In all the excitement, Nick admits that he’s lying, which makes a lead pipe magically appear in the gangsters’ hands. Nick saves he and his father from a savage beating by playing his childhood game, Sugar Ray: pretend to be going into diabetic shock so the mean men don’t want to kill Daddy.
When the men speed off in confusion, so does Jess, cackling that she totally “conned” them into talk to each other. Jess, if you weren’t some weird hybrid of a human and cartoon character, you’d be steering your impossible to drive pickup truck right into Winston territory. But, while Jess makes the world’s worst 87-point turn at the edge of the abandoned loading docks where the horse sale was supposed to go down, Nick has something of a moment with his conniving old dad. And there’s more nakedness. And also suggestive conversation surrounding the horse, who ends up nosing Walt’s pants. Beyond that, Nick blames his dad for the way he is, you know, devoid of nutrition from vegetables. Also, that part where he has no direction. That too.
After Walt seems to get it, promising to make it up to Nick, Jess catches him sneaking out the next morning and before he leaves, he can’t even muster the sentence “Tell Nick I love him.” And that’s when the real magic begins. Nick finds Jess “angry-fixing” the sink (his usual reaction to his dad’s nonsense), and the tingly heart nonsense begins. Nick tells Jess to stop (another protective measure) and tries to tell her what he learned from his dad: broken people stay broken, like Walt, and Nick is broken. The response Jess gives is, in and of itself, a total justification for all the infuriatingly twee things Jess does: “I don’t know how you made it out, but you’re good.” Despite the missteps this season, the core friendship (even without all the shipper hope attached) is still very much alive and grounding all the nonsense.
Of course, that couldn’t stop Schmidt and Robbie this week, who teamed up to sabotage Cece’s blind date with her mother’s chosen industry titan of Indian descent. While it provided for a few fantastic lines, the story basically involved the duo stalking Cece while Schmidt played on the fact that Robbie is apparently a complete dolt. (Though you have to admire Robbie’s creative thinking. You could eat an elephant one bite at a time, as the saying says, but why do that when you can make him into tacos?)
Their planning comes to a head when the duo crashes what they think is Cece’s first date with her new beau, but after throwing a series of sexualized Indian movie titles at her (the sucker in me got a kick out of Slum-doggy-style Millionaire), Schmidt and Robbie barrel into a meeting of families aimed at determining the could-be couple’s compatibility. Cece’s not messing around. This also means, these shenanigans are probably going to continue for at least a little while longer, but hey, at least they have nothing to do with the reproductive functions of large farm animals. God knows there’s too much of that on television these days.
Now, before we part ways, can we just talk about some of these moments and one-liners?
- Jess, pretending to appraise a horse: “This haircut is totally wrong for his face.”
- We couldn’t have gotten through the episode without this one: “There’s more to a father’s love than just semen!” -Jess - Nick, justifying protecting Jess from breaking the sink: “Your eyes are twice the size of normal eyes.” - The fact that Nick’s reconnection with his father is set to the screeching soundtrack of Jess’s inability to turn the pick-up truck and trailer around. - Nick, who’s angry-fixing the sink after his father arrives: “I have the blood pressure of a humming bird!” - All the things that are wrong with this sentence in Schmidt’s plan to get Cece back: “I only dread the day we defeat all the Indians and face each other in a duel to the death. We’re like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid except only one of us dies in the end.” - Schmidt’s much better, final, “genius” plan to get Cece back: The three-man canoe with Robbie, Schmidt, and an open seat for Cece. Lord knows the ladies just love empty canoe benches. Foolproof, amirite? Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler [Photo Credit: Fox] More: 'New Girl' Recap: A Cabin in the Hoods 'New Girl' Is Back: Where We Left Off With the Gang 'New Girl' Star Max Greenfield: Is There Hope For Schmidt and Cece?

Robert Zemeckis is a blockbuster director at heart. Action has never been an issue for the man behind Back to the Future. When he puts aside the high concept adventures for emotional human stories — think Forrest Gump or Cast Away — he still goes big. His latest Flight continues the trend revolving the story of one man's fight with alcoholism around a terrifying plane crash. Zemeckis expertly crafts his roaring centerpiece and while he finds an agile performer in Denzel Washington the hour-and-a-half of Flight after the shocking moment can't sustain the power. The "big" works. The intimate drowns.
Washington stars as Whip Whitaker a reckless airline pilot who balances his days flying jumbo jets with picking up women snorting lines of cocaine and drinking himself to sleep. Although drunk for the flight that will change his life forever that's not the reason the plane goes down — in fact it may be the reason he thinks up his savvy landing solution in the first place. Writer John Gatins follows Whitaker into the aftermath madness: an investigation of what really happened during the flight Whitaker's battle to cap his addictions and budding relationships that if nurtured could save his life.
Zemeckis tops his own plane crash in Cast Away with the heart-pounding tailspin sequence (if you've ever been scared of flying before Flight will push into phobia territory). In the few scenes after the literal destruction Washington is able to convey an equal amount of power in the moments of mental destruction. Whitaker is obviously crushed by the events the bottle silently calling for him in every down moment. Flight strives for that level of introspection throughout eventually pairing Washington with equally distraught junkie Nicole (Kelly Reilly). Their relationship is barely fleshed out with the script time and time again resorting to obvious over-the-top depictions of substance abuse (a la Nic Cage's Leaving Las Vegas) and the bickering that follows. Washington's Whitaker hits is lowest point early sitting there until the climax of the film.
Sharing screentime with the intimate tale is the surprisingly comical attempt by the pilot's airline union buddy (Bruce Greenwood) and the company lawyer (Don Cheadle) to get Whitaker into shape. Prepping him for inquisitions looking into evidence from the wreckage and calling upon Whitaker's dealer Harling (John Goodman) to jump start their "hero" when the time is right the two men do everything they can to keep any blame being placed upon Whitaker by the National Transportation Safety Board investigators. The thread doesn't feel relevant to Whitaker's plight and in turn feels like unnecessary baggage that pads the runtime.
Everything in Fight shoots for the skies — and on purpose. The music is constantly swelling the photography glossy and unnatural and rarely do we breach Washington's wild exterior for a sense of what Whitaker's really grappling with. For Zemeckis Flight is still a spectacle film with Washington's ability to emote as the magical special effect. Instead of using it sparingly he once again goes big. Too big.
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David Mitchell's novel Cloud Atlas consists of six stories set in various periods between 1850 and a time far into Earth's post-apocalyptic future. Each segment lives on its own the previous first person account picked up and read by a character in its successor creating connective tissue between each moment in time. The various stories remain intact for Tom Tykwer's (Run Lola Run) Lana Wachowski's and Andy Wachowski's (The Matrix) film adaptation which debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival. The massive change comes from the interweaving of the book's parts into one three-hour saga — a move that elevates the material and transforms Cloud Atlas in to a work of epic proportions.
Don't be turned off by the runtime — Cloud Atlas moves at lightning pace as it cuts back and forth between its various threads: an American notary sailing the Pacific; a budding musician tasked with transcribing the hummings of an accomplished 1930's composer; a '70s-era investigatory journalist who uncovers a nefarious plot tied to the local nuclear power plant; a book publisher in 2012 who goes on the run from gangsters only to be incarcerated in a nursing home; Sonmi~451 a clone in Neo Seoul who takes on the oppressive government that enslaves her; and a primitive human from the future who teams with one of the few remaining technologically-advanced Earthlings in order to survive. Dense but so was the unfamiliar world of The Matrix. Cloud Atlas has more moving parts than the Wachowskis' seminal sci-fi flick but with additional ambition to boot. Every second is a sight to behold.
The members of the directing trio are known for their visual prowess but Cloud Atlas is a movie about juxtaposition. The art of editing is normally a seamless one — unless someone is really into the craft the cutting of a film is rarely a post-viewing talking point — but Cloud Atlas turns the editor into one of the cast members an obvious player who ties the film together with brilliant cross-cutting and overlapping dialogue. Timothy Cavendish the elderly publisher could be musing on his need to escape and the film will wander to the events of Sonmi~451 or the tortured music apprentice Robert Frobisher also feeling the impulse to run. The details of each world seep into one another but the real joy comes from watching each carefully selected scene fall into place. You never feel lost in Cloud Atlas even when Tykwer and the Wachowskis have infused three action sequences — a gritty car chase in the '70s a kinetic chase through Neo Seoul and a foot race through the forests of future millennia — into one extended set piece. This is a unified film with distinct parts echoing the themes of human interconnectivity.
The biggest treat is watching Cloud Atlas' ensemble tackle the diverse array of characters sprinkled into the stories. No film in recent memory has afforded a cast this type of opportunity yet another form of juxtaposition that wows. Within a few seconds Tom Hanks will go from near-neanderthal to British gangster to wily 19th century doctor. Halle Berry Hugh Grant Jim Sturgess Jim Broadbent Ben Whishaw Hugo Weaving and Susan Sarandon play the same game taking on roles of different sexes races and the like. (Weaving as an evil nurse returning to his Priscilla Queen of the Desert cross-dressing roots is mind-blowing.) The cast's dedication to inhabiting their roles on every level helps us quickly understand the worlds. We know it's Halle Berry behind the fair skinned wife of the lunatic composer but she's never playing Halle Berry. Even when the actors are playing variations on themselves they're glowing with the film's overall epic feel. Jim Broadbent's wickedly funny modern segment a Tykwer creation that packs a particularly German sense of humor is on a smaller scale than the rest of the film but the actor never dials it down. Every story character and scene in Cloud Atlas commits to a style. That diversity keeps the swirling maelstrom of a movie in check.
Cloud Atlas poses big questions without losing track of its human element the characters at the heart of each story. A slower moment or two may have helped the Wachowskis' and Tykwer's film to hit a powerful emotional chord but the finished product still proves mainstream movies can ask questions while laying over explosive action scenes. This year there won't be a bigger movie in terms of scope in terms of ideas and in terms of heart than Cloud Atlas.
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