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Dilbert, Dogbert, and a woman are walking outside. The woman says, "My pet peeve is when people use their cell phones in restaurants." Dilbert asks, "Why? Do they talk louder than the other people in the restaurant?" The woman responds, "No. It's just rude." Dilbert asks, "Who decides what is rude? Is there a committee?" The woman responds, "It's common sense. You're not supposed to talk into electronic gadgets at a restaurant." Dilbert asks, "What about a drive-through place? Is it okay to order your food using the microphone?" The woman is visibly frustrated. Dogbert answers his cell phone, "Yello." Dogbert says into his cell phone, "Hi, Ratbert... Yeh, he made the mistake of talking... The goodnight kiss is a definite no-go." Dogbert continues into the phone, "No, it's not awkward, but thanks for asking."

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The Boss and Dilbert are still in barrels. The Boss says, "Set up a meeting with the customer so we can demonstrate our technology." Dilbert responds, "It's humiliating because we're so poor now. What will I feed them?" Dilbert pours cat food into bowls for the customers. He says, "If you think the food is great, wait until you see our technology!"

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Dilbert is sitting in his cubicle. A coworker approaches and says, "My vacation was great!" The coworker continues, "The sunsets were beautiful. The food was amazing." Dilbert turns and says, "Descriptions of your vacation serve no purpose." Dilbert continues, "I can neither see the sunsets nor taste the food." Dilbert continues, "It appears to be a selfish attempt to trigger happy memories for yourself at my expense.' The coworker responds, "Okay, buster! When my seven rolls of film get developed.." She exclaims, "You're out of the loop!!!" The coworker leaves and Dilbert whistles and thinks to himself, "That worked out better than I hoped."

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "I see some new faces, let's go around the table and introduce ourselves." Asok starts, "I'm Asok, the intern." Asok points to The Boss and says, "I report to you." Asok points to Alice and says, "But I also report to Alice on a dotted line." Asok points to Carol and says, "And I report to Carol, on a fuzzy, thin line." Asok continues, "I have a blinking, irregular line to Wally, and a wavy, brown line to Dilbert." Alice begs, "Please... make this stop." Asok continues, "And a disturbing, imaginary line to a food-service cashier who touched my hand while giving me change."

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The Boss: "Now Dilbert will explain what went wrong with our projects this year."
DILBERT: "All of our problems were caused by a woman named Lisa."
"Lisa never learned to act aloof and unapproachable. Sometimes she smiles and men she doesn't even know."
"Gasp."
"Gasp."
"As you know, 90% of engineers are lonely men."
"A permanent line formed outside her cubicle."
"The engineers brought her food, gifts and poems that weren't as funny as they'd hoped."
"Food, Gifts, Poems (bad)."
"I recommend replacing Lisa with someone more like this."
Alice: "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Asok: "My poems aren't funny?"

Transcript

Dogbert the real estate agent
"When it rains the sewer backs up and covers the driveway."
"Lake view."
"Every spring rabid squirrels rip off huge chunks of the roof to look for food."
"Seasonal skylight."
"The dry brush behind the house is a fire hazard."
"Potential, fireplace."

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The Boss: "Carol, I decided to take the entire staff out to a five-star restaurant for lunch."
"The food is so good that it's almost intoxicating. When paired with the right wine, the experience is a once-in-a-life-time sensation."
"While we're gone, you'll need to answer everyone's phone."

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Dilbert: Milt you have a wife and kids. How do you find time to do everything you need to do?
Milt: I had to give up a few things, such as exercising and eating healthy food.
Dilbert: Thats sounds dangerous.
Milt: Nah, The kids are trained to use the defibrillator.

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"My job could not be more meaningless." "I'm looking at my new Director of Post-Decision Support!" "After I make a decision, your job is to figure out why it was the right one." "Save those tears of joy for later. We've got work to do!" "SOB!" "I decided to outsource our nuclear contracts to North Elbonia." "And in return, they'll give us food, if they ever figure out how to grow any." "I expect some fallout from this decision." "Me too." "On the plus side, it won't be long before there's a government reward for killing him."