SR's Updated Running Advice for Newbies

1. To train properly, you must do intervals, tempo runs, hill repeats, maintenance runs, ladders, fartleks, and recovery runs. Do some bounding strides, but always stride in bounds. LSD will definitely help, but just say "no" to junk miles. On rest days, do some XT, isometrics, plyometrics, and pilates. Or you can go with the craze du jour, "prancercise," which will help you get in touch with your "inner horse."

2 Three weeks before a big race savor the taper, flex your flexibility, stretch your hams, and load a few carbos.

3. On race day, wear a tech shirt, split shorts, and Vibram Five Fingers. Protect your privates with Under Armor. Wear a brimmed, wicking hat unless you have a really wicked Mohawk!

4. Remember to liberally apply sunblock, chapstick, Body Glide, and a little Udder Creme for safe measure. Happily, balms abound which will help you avoid the public spectacle of bloody nipples, the creepiness of crotch crud, and the exquisite agony of monkey butt. Oh, and guys, don't hesitate to put some gunk on your junk!

10. After your race, always take an ice bath ASAP, followed by a hot bath. Then alternate Biofreeze and Tiger Balm as needed.

11. Alleviate with Aleve.

12. If you get ITBS, remember RICE, roll it with a roller or stick it with a stick, and call a PT.

13. There's a cheap trick for dealing with gluteal pain. (HINT: It's also good for a cheap thrill!) Sit on a tennis ball and swivel your hips in a circular motion to experience swift relief. CAUTION: Do not use near any body orifices unless wearing at least one layer of clothing. Best to avoid use in an area where anyone can hear you or observe your facial expression.

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