Would the WB Buy Bill Clinton's Story?

Exasperated by the bewildering persistence of so-called birthers (who, apparently, many Republicans believe deserve more media coverage), presidential spokesman Robert Gibbs gave this awesome quote today:

“Tell me if you’ve heard one that’s this totally crazy,” Gibbs said. “A pregnant woman leaves her home to go overseas to have a child—who there’s not a passport for—so is in cahoots with someone … to smuggle that child, that previously doesn’t exist on a government roll somewhere back into the country and has the amazing foresight to place birth announcements in the Hawaii newspapers? All while this is transpiring in cahoots with those in the border, all so some kid named Barack Obama could run for President 46 and a half years later. You couldn’t sell that to the WB.”

Probably not. But could you sell this to the WB?

A spoiled-brat frat boy with bad diction and a taste for the good stuff meets a numbers nerd who’s shaped like a two-day-old Jello mold. They find out the governor of Texas is a lesbo and use it against her to take over the statehouse. Then he uses the fact that his opponent adopted a funny-looking ethnic kid to win the Republican nomination. Then, even though he loses the general election, he gets his dad’s friends in the Supreme Court to toss him the vote anyway, all so some kid named George W. Bushcould become president.

Or this?

A boy from Hope couldn’t keep his pants zipped, no matter how hard he tried. And when anyone asked him if he’d ever smoked pot, he told them yes, but very, very badly. But neither his epic infidelities nor the fishy real-estate deals he and his wife did when he was governor of Arkansas were enough to thwart his presidential ambitions. Instead, Americans focused on three key factors, which, taken together, vaulted him into the White House: the fact that he played the saxophone reasonably well for a white man (as he proved on a talk show hosted by Arsenio Hall), the fact that he wore boxers (not briefs), and the fact that he dissed a mouthy female rapper named Sister Souljah. It was all so some kid named Bill Clinton could become the first black president.

Or this?

A soon-to-be-senile actor who used to pal around with a chimpanzee named Bonzo really, really, really hated Communists, so his dishy second wife called up every rich Republican West of the Mississippi and got them to donate some money. Then some wacko Iranians decided to take a bunch of Americans hostage in a brazen affront to the lily-livered peanut farmer then occupying the White House. All so some senior citizen named Ronald Reagan could populate Bill Kristol’s wet dreams for decades to come.

I tell ya, you can’t put anything past these I-wanna-be-president types. And let’s not even get started on the people who don’t make it to the big show.