"I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Little Devil On My Shoulder

My life after the big move is slowly picking up speed. Most of the house is unpacked. If it's not unpacked, we probably don't use it. We're doing projects. We're going to church socials. We're meeting people and trying to make friends. I'm getting back into the normal routine of actually cooking, which means grocery shopping, lugging groceries in, cleaning the dishes and then there's all the trash and recycling that accumulates from it. Oh, and the compost that my husband is now doing, set that aside for him. Of course you all know about laundry and keeping a house clean, there's no story in that. My pain is starting to come back as my lazy days slip away. I've felt colds coming that never came. Allergies to nothing in particular. Aches and pains and invisible rashes. I don't know if it's just because I'm getting busy again. Maybe I've found my fine line of what's too busy. What I've been doing most lately is getting to know my new city and the people who live here and trying to make new friends. And realizing that it's a lot harder to make friends post diagnosis of Fibromyalgia than it was to just keep the friends I already had after I had been diagnosed. Does that make sense to anyone? Here I was living life and I had my friends, then BAM, Fibromyalgia. My sweet and gracious friends adapt and we all go on living happily ever after. Until I move. Now I need new friends. It's not that my old friends aren't there. They are. They just can't go get lunch or have girls' night when the hubby works late. Finding friends with Fibromyalgia is hard. I've been scrapbooking with a group at a local scrapbook store. Okay, I only went to one scrapbook night from 4-11pm. I've participated in two card swaps. That's 3 full days that I've bent over my work table within one month's time. My craft that I love so much causes flare-ups, but at the same time its worth it. I love it. I do, but it hurts my neck and back and gets my migraines going. And my right elbow really hurts later from all the movement because I'm right handed. It's also difficult for me to get all my gear in and out of my house, car, into the store, back into the car and house again. That's a lot of lifting for me. One of the girls there actually invited me over to her house and I feel so stupid because here I need a friend and the first thing that went through my head was "it's so hard to move my stuff." But she has two kids and can't come over to my house. I feel like I may have just sacrificed that relationship before it even started. And then two other girls invited me to start walking with them come fall. Well, I know that I can not walk, as in walk at a speed intended for exercise. And even if I could, I couldn't do it regularly. They already knew I had Fibro and, yes, I told them that was why. It's like Fibro is a little red devil sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear, reminding me, "you're not normal. You're not like everybody else." And it's true. I may look like you. I may act like you. But I can't do the things you do. And now that little devil is standing between me and potential friends, causing little road blocks along the way. I don't want them to think that I'm just a wimp or gotta have it my way. This is new territory for me. Back home everyone knew me and saw me get so sick over the years and then saw me get diagnosed. It was a journey together. They still ask me how I'm doing. But here what am I supposed to do. Do I talk casually about Fibromyalgia? Or is it my dirty little secret? Should I let people know up front "Hey, I would love to, but that's really hard for me because. . . " or what? I don't want to chase people off. I also don't want to come off as a Fibro Freak Lobbyist or something. I'm still just a person.

4 comments:

Howdy! Sorry to have to comment on your post on your "Tattle Tails" blog here, but every time I comment on the other blog, it bounces right back to me as "undeliverable." I read the update on Chloe and I'm so glad that she is happy and the owners of your old house like cats. That would settle my heart, too. You mentioned Chloe getting a "lion cut." That's so funny, because that is what we do to Jack, our kitty, every 4 months. His fur gets so thick and matted, we have no choice but to shave him down and as you stated, it's cooler in the summer, too. Those lion cuts aren't too cheap, are they? LOL...I asked our groomer and it's because they are considered "specialty" cuts. But he looks so cute, he's worth the extra money!Thanks for sharing!Hugs,Missy

That's so weird. I've published two comments on that blog in the last 24 hours. But it's okay that you posted here. No they aren't cheap. And Chloe was sedated to have hers done so that part definitely wasn't cheap :) They are worth it though.

It is weird, I have seen comments on that blog from other people. Must be just lucky me! :0) Wow, Chloe has to be sedated? Jackie, as I am told, is very good and let's them do whatever they need to do. He just doesn't like his back feet touched for some reason!! Picky, picky! :0)

I'm catching up on your blog right now (My headaches have been too bad to come on -line)and every one of your posts seems to hit home. We moved house exactly a year ago this week. After moving from the North West to the North East of England some years ago I lost touch with many of my friends - post marriage break up there is always a division of loyalties, I moved away, it was easier for them to stay in touch with him). I haven't made many friends since I moved up North, but since moving to this house I'm finding making new friends more difficult than I imagined.

There is always the secret barrier that comes with Fibro (and in my case RSD). There's also that problem when, having pushed yourself into making those arrangements, the day comes and it turns out to be a 'bad' day. How many times can you cancel plans before people lose patience. Good luck with your settling in :)

About This Blog

I have Fibromyalgia. Do you know what that is? Fibromyalgia (pronounced fy-bro-my-AL-ja) is a common and complex chronic pain disorder that affects people physically, mentally and socially. It is characterized by chronic widespread pain, multiple tender points, abnormal pain processing, sleep disturbances, fatigue and often psychological distress. At least that's what the experts say. But Fibro is different for everyone. I know we are all hurting and every day is hard. What I want is a place to ask questions, get opinions and answers. If you need to described your symptoms or struggles in order to ask questions or to share your solutions, that's great. But let's not just post about how miserable we are. I want to be part of a group that shares this together, but with a positive outlook. Let's learn how to live with this, survive it, be cured from it. I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it.

***WARNING:***

content is personal and, as Fibromyalgia is a medical condition, may be graphic in nature.

ABOUT ME

I am 36 years old and live in Texas with my husband, currently two foster babies and two dogs. After two years of refusing to let my doctor diagnose me with Fibromyalgia I was finally and officially diagnosed in the fall of 2008. Looking back I believe I have probably had Fibro since about 2001. Although everyone's case is different I always felt that mine was exceptionally so. After sharing this blog and interacting with others on Facebook I have found that is not the case. I have the pain normally associated with FM however not to the debilitating levels that many of you suffer. I suffer mostly from an extreme sensitivity to external stimuli, i.e. sounds, smells, light, movement, changes in temperature resulting in severe nausea, vertigo and migraines. Before my diagnosis people would often ask me if I was pregnant and my reply would be, "if so I've been pregnant for six years."