The Yiddish Curse

Curses may be against our ethical makeup. But euphemisms are another story.

Whenever I heard this phrase as a youngster, the adults around me plotzed. The victim would turn borscht red, sputter, jerk, then threaten to pass out. At the first sight of spittle, Tante Leah would holler, "Mount Sinai!" (The hospital, not the mountain.)

What sort of potent "Jew-doo" was this, I wondered. No one would translate until I was 21. My father solemnly whispered, "It means ... ‘He should grow like an onion with his head in the ground,'" as my mother poo poo-ed and spit-spitted, creating a small (but very demon-safe) pond in the living room.

"That's it?" was my first thought. "What did an onion do to star in such a curse?" was my second.

"What did an onion do to star in such a curse?"

Just as Catholic countries use blasphemy, and Eastern cultures k'nock your ancestors, shtetl-honed, Yiddish curses have a unique verbal magnificence. As cursing is a violation of Jewish ethics, Eastern European Jews, in desperate need of catharses in a hostile world, found a loophole. Euphemism. What most Jews may lack in fists, we make up for in pisks. These euphemistic sentences (or entire paragraphs) are juicy, creative maledictions that no simple "Drop Dead!" or obscene word could possibly convey. In fact, the whole point of the Yiddish curse is not to swear, but to . . . prophesize. Oh, and have fun.

For example: How do you get around saying, drop dead?"
Simple: "May you have ritual-purification water (that is, for a corpse) poured over you." Klop!

See? You're not "cursing," but oy vey! A blessing this isn't. Many of these maledictions employ what I call the "shmooze 'n klop." This involves lulling your victim into a false sense of your good wishes. Then, when he's kvelling, you yank it away -- like magician snatches a tablecloth from under your best china – and turn it to tsouris. And what could be worse for a Jew than good fortune (health, wealth, nakhes) suddenly becoming a kappore (catastrophe)?
Listen ....

"You should own a hundred houses with a hundred kitchens in each house, and the finest, most expensive foods, and be served breakfast fit for a king each morning in a different kitchen in a different house, prepared for you special by a hundred different chefs, and get into a different car, driven by a different chauffeur who should drive you to a different doctor ... and not one should know why you choke on every bite!"

Creative Yiddish curses were a shtetl recreation.

Now, mostly a lost art, creative Yiddish curses were also shtetl recreation – exercises in "tit for tat" and one upsmanship. It was a form of reciprocal "besting." The more sarcastic, nasty, and witty, the better.

Chaim: A meshugenem zol men oysshraybn un dikh araynshraybn !!!! (A maniac should be crossed off the register of madmen and you should be inscribed in his place!!!!)

Delicious, nu? The competitive Yiddish curse required not only verbal talent, but listening. So it occurred to me, what would happen if, in this harsh world of backbiting, bullying, and brutality, we restored this lost art to its former glory to settle our scores.

First, for the yentas and bulvans in our lives, a good "May your navel turn dizzy!" beats chewing our stomach linings. The therapeutic benefits alone of "Biling and Smiling," could save a fortune on Mylanta.

Next, I propose a new reality show: "KLOLE" (A Curse). Forget eating worms, confessing your husband's a schnook, "Trumping," Jerry the Springer, or "No dealing" with a guarantee of 100K – when you've been living on kishke. This my friends, is the real stuff, the ganza, the emmes!

Just imagine politicians and talking heads jockeying for position with true wit instead of "war."

BUSH:"May you fall into the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians is finishing a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer."

CLINTON:"May the lice in your shirt marry the bedbugs in your mattress and may their offspring set up residence in your underwear."

And let us not forget ...

ANNE COULTER: "May your blood turn to whiskey, so that 100 bedbugs get drunk on it and dance the mazurka in your belly button."

As the proverb goes: "A curse is not a telegram: it doesn't arrive so fast." Like caviar, it must be savored. Our VIPs could release their hatred, collapse in hysteria – and be forced to listen.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Quirky, no-nonsense, funny, Marnie – writer, editor, author, lecturer, clinician, and administrator -- is a straight-shooter, who has a distinctive voice and takes on the world in her columns, features, and books. Her advice column was syndicated through Tribune Media Services, and it currently appears in Singular magazine as Singular Solutions. Marnie has written over 20 books/calendars, including the series “A Little Joy, A Little Oy." Her books include Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother and A Little Joy, A Little Oy (pub. AndrewsMcMeel). She is also an award-winning “calendar queen” having written over 20. She has been nominated for both an Emmy and Writers Guild award.Thefullwiki.org has listed Marnie Macauley on their list of top Jewish_American writers, dead or living. (She’s still deciding which.) She was also chosen as a Distinguished Woman in Las Vegas in March of 2014.

Visitor Comments: 22

I LOVE this one! Do you know how to say it in Yiddish?
"May you fall into the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians is finishing a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer."

(21)
John Tidyman,
April 15, 2011 10:24 PM

What a delight.

What other culture would make me laugh ... repeating curses?

(20)
Anonymous,
December 24, 2010 8:22 AM

Yet another old curse (euphemism)

May you be as a chandelier.. hang by day and burn by night...
Every tooth in your head should fall out but one, and it should have a cavity!
Memories from my childhood... Cheers!

(19)
,
October 8, 2010 9:52 AM

I love this one, but who can still remember?
Er zol vaksen vi a streetcar und kak mit transfers. May you grow like a streetcar and poop with transfers. Ha!

(18)
Anonymous,
November 1, 2009 12:05 AM

to "hock a tchainek"

This was an expression my father used when I was annoying him-- a bit harsher than calling me a noudge, but no more insulting. It literally means to "bang a kettle" and roughly translates to "bugging me." It's used either in full -- "don't hock me a tchainek" or abbreviated as in "stop hocking me" Hope this answers your question.

(17)
Anonymous,
September 23, 2009 12:38 AM

May Onions Grow Out of Your Bellybutton

Speaking of euphemisms, it's my understanding that they're not onions, and it's not your bellybutton.

(16)
Yuval Legendtofski,
July 7, 2009 3:56 AM

What does 'ack mir nisht in chaynick arayn' mean?
Is it 'don't hassle me in the head', or 'don't mindfuck me' or something like that?

(15)
anaonimus,
March 17, 2009 5:49 PM

some i learned in school

zolst a merele vaksn fun dain pupik: have a carrot grown from your belly button.
zolst du es vi a fer un kak vi a feigele: you shall eat like a horse and poop like a bird

(14)
Marian,
February 18, 2009 9:27 PM

My Favorite

May you own a Mansion with one hundred rooms and have a headache in each one of them!

(13)
Anonymous,
June 24, 2008 6:05 AM

To Les
I think it is a misunderstanding of Ich hub im in der erd (usually when said quickly sounds like drerd.)

(12)
Miriam,
June 22, 2008 12:10 PM

All time favorite

You gorgot to mention: "Hock mir nisht a chaynick"

(11)
Erich,
June 20, 2008 9:56 PM

good one

"May you aquire the fleas of 100 camels in your armpits but your arms be too short to scratch"

(10)
Yisrael Medad,
June 19, 2008 7:51 AM

All of It

The 'curse' of Er zol vaksen vi a tsibeleh, mit dem kop in drerd is known to me as "sultz vagstein a vi tzibeleh, mit der kop in dred und de feece alof", and with your feet upraised.

(9)
Les,
June 17, 2008 10:00 AM

WHAT ABOUT

What about chubim dreck? Used to hear that all the time when relatives fought.

(8)
raye,
June 17, 2008 9:58 AM

To each his own

I winced when I read some of the examples that were listed. I grew up on the Lower East Side of New York hearing these curses. Was I the only one who took them seriously instead of
hilariously.

(7)
Feivel,
June 17, 2008 6:49 AM

Clever - yes!

Extremely clever and accurate, but is it constructive?

(6)
Francis E. Jeffery,
June 16, 2008 9:57 PM

politicalarious

I am substituting candidate one and candidate two for other names and using it as introduction to prayer for the political health of our nation.
NB: these are real belly laughs.

(5)
Elana Schipper,
June 16, 2008 4:48 PM

The jokes were funny!!!!!

I liked the humor!

(4)
Ester,
June 16, 2008 2:12 PM

Hilarious

I'd just like to comment that the prime Yiddish-speakers of today, the Chassidic Jews of New York, Jerusalem, London and Antwerp, mostly use refined language, meshugener (or rather meshigener) being the worst expletive. Can anyone explain why? Is it because "cursing is a violation of Jewish ethics"?

(3)
C ORLY,
June 16, 2008 2:12 PM

Curses.

Hello,where those curses ever compiled in a book/booklet?I think many JEWS WOULD BE "A MACHAIA"

(2)
norman taylor,
June 16, 2008 12:17 PM

curse

may all your teeth drop out except one and i hope you have toothache in that one.

(1)
Jeremy ("Jeeps")Katz,
June 16, 2008 11:18 AM

Delightful article!

The "mamaloshn" is a language very dear to me, I don't understand why some people call it an "oy vey language" or "the language of the oppression in the ghettos", it is sweet, it is witty, it can convey ideas so precisely which no other language can convey. One of my favorite expressions is "fardray dain eigener kopf!" No words in any language can express my feelings each time I hear a clever expression in my beloved mamaloshn!

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...