CH Sports Weekly: Banned in Beijing

Ethan: Am I the only person who thinks this Favre standoff is about enter a deadly end game that involves him walking around with a high-powered rifle, smiling his fake "Aw, shucks" grin while picking off random members of the Packers' front office while John Madden gushes about his enthusiasm?

Amir: Every day brings a completely new twist. And on days that there are no twists, that's the twist. BREAKINGNEWS: RELATIVELYQUIETDAY AT PACKERCAMP.

Ethan: Did he think he was being particularly clever by showing up and conceding the starting job to Rodgers? "Yeah, I'll be the backup. You don't have to release me or anything. Now, about that $12 million "

Amir: Favre lives in some sort of bizarro world where work is inversely proportional to money. If he stays retired, he'll get $25M. If he plays as a back up he'll get $12M. And his ideal situation is starting somewhere and getting paid less than that. It's like welfare on steroids.

Ethan: I thought welfare on steroids was Sammy Sosa's contract by the end of his career. I'm warming on the idea of Favre to the Jets. They're really just one Hall of Famer away from being 7-9!

Amir: Bring back Curtis Martin!

Ethan: What exactly is Favre even thinking at this point? Does he want to play with Jerricho Cotchery that badly? Or does Favre have him in a keeper league he really, really wants to win this year? Or will he just follow Bubba Franks anywhere?

Amir: I think he just wants to get injured. He's done everything but tear an ACL. Why does Daunte Culpepper get all the fun?!

Ethan: If this results in Favre getting his roll on, it will all have been worth it. Does Tampa Bay win the Super Bowl with him?

Amir: They won with Brad Johnson, and he was 64. Favre is only 59, so anything is possible.

Ethan: I like that the Bucs already have fourteen QBs, but they might want him. Poor Chris Simms must be getting his headshots together to audition for the Scarecrow in a dinner theater production of The Wizard of Oz.

Amir: Favre already got that part. He came out of theatre retirement a week ago.

Ethan: They were originally going to give him $2 billion not to play the Tin Man, but he just loves the dramatic arts too much to stay away. God, this guy's a pill-popping American hero.

Amir: Speaking of pain killers, how many would you have to pop to get over the injury that would be caused by Prince Fielder shoving you and/or falling onto you?

Ethan: Prince probably gave Parra a big ol' bowl of Vicodin-laced chili. Or just the bowl. It's the thought that counts, and Fielder got really, really hungry.

Amir: A week later, who got the best of the Manny/Bay trade? Both are now playing like a cross between Ted Williams and a Pre-July Chipper Jones.

Ethan: Right now, the Dodgers. Long-term, the Sox. Bay's really, really freaking good, and they have him for next year, too. For my money, the big winner at the trade deadline was Randy Wolf. He went from one team that had no shot of making the playoffs to another team that had no shot of making the playoffs, plays in a smaller park, and isn't on the beach. I hope he stabbed someone on his way out of San Diego.

Amir: Hopefully a European team can sign and rescue Wolf. The Josh Childress special.

Ethan: I'm just worried that LeBron might leave us for $50 million a year. I hope some pickup squad of Greek billionaires is pooling their money right now, ready to just hold court at a gym for an entire year. You're going to miss Earl Boykins, though, aren't you? That little guy heart of a champion sobbing

Amir: It would be great if some European diamond tycoon ponied up the $50M it would take to sign him for a year and just used him to play horse. Or one-on-one with his many mistresses.

Ethan: "Tatiana, you gotta take it hard to the basket against him, my love! He's making you look like Larry Hughes out there!"

Amir: "Have her killed."

Ethan: What Olympic event are you the most excited for? Mine's the modern pentathlon. Finally, a sport that gets what I encounter in my everyday modern life: swordfighting, pistol shooting, and the occasional horseback ride.

Amir: Those are way too modern for me. I'm excited for badminton. Or ping pong. Any miniature racket sport that Asians can excel at. It'll be like watching a crazy YouTube video in HD.

Ethan: Are you a fan of the Redeem Team? I wish they'd stuck with their original name: the We're Going to Try Really Hard Not To Screw Up This Time But Hey This Ain't Easy Team.

Amir: After that Australia game people are scared we'll lose to Spain. But Kobe's not gonna let Pau get that W. He told him if Spain actually plays at 100% he's gonna ship his ass back to Memphis. A fate worse than bronze.

Ethan: Do you think Michael Phelps ever thinks about anything other than swimming? Or that he just wants to win all those medals so he can melt them down to make himself the only award that really matters: a daytime Emmy.

Amir: Talk about high expectations. 7 golds and 1 silver would be a pretty big disappointment. But you know, for most people that would be pretty neat! Almost admirable.

Ethan: Got an interesting fact?

Amir: Here's an interesting fact about the Chinese Government: [Everything is democratic and normal. Super good!] Isn't that weird?!

Ethan: You know, I've always thought [China was a glorious place for citizens], but now I know [I was absolutely right.] You've given me a lot to think about.