How to diagnose anger and common anger syndromes; use the underlying causes of anger as data to continually improve relationships, systems, practices, and policies; and manage anger in yourself, in others, and in your team.

We often get in trouble because we make assumptions about someone else's emotions or intentions. Many times we think "the worst." However, we should challenge the thoughts that stimulate our negative thinking. Is there another explanation for the same set of circumstances? Instead of letting anger, hurt, or worry take over, we ought to redefine, or take a different view: I'm better off or Maybe she had a good reason or He probably didn't mean it like that.

You might need a partner to help you look at the situation a little differently. For example: Sadness over the loss of a job can be reframed by thinking of all the ways the job really did not suit you; the job was okay, but it was not perfect. And ask yourself, What did I learn from this job and from this experience of losing it? You can choose to dwell on the loss and stay depressed, or you can reframe and remember the positive things you derived from the experience.

Make a Mental Video of the situation as you would like it to unfold.If we can imagine it, we can create it. That's what research tells us. We must first be able to clearly see the end we want to achieve. Close your eyes and really see yourself going through all the steps leading to that desired end, as if you were viewing a video of someone else. View it in as much detail as possible: Where are you? Who is there? What are each of you doing and saying? Replay your mental video over and over, and sharpen the images each time. More than a static visualization, this method of learning actually programs your neural circuitry step-by-step, so that when you begin the action steps, you have already created the "highway" for the neurons to travel. Star athletes regularly use this method to achieve great results, and you can do the same thing. In fact, the more clearly you can see your video, the more motivation it will offer you.