The Warmth of Summer’s End

Nearly 365 days later and here we are again; another summer has come to a close. Another opportunity for reflection is upon us and fall patiently waits around the corner with open arms.

But the thing is, I’m tired of reflecting. My pen has mostly been dry this summer. My prayers have been few and far between. The last thing I wanted to hear this summer was the sound of my own thoughts. Honestly, summer’s ending and it’s pretty numb. It’s pretty defeated. It’s pretty empty.

But isn’t that the beauty of summer? The idea that there’s so much hope and so much to be discovered? And sometimes, at the end of those three sweet months, you’re left a bit empty-handed. And that was the beauty of this summer. I walked into it excited and wide-eyed, with a joy I haven’t experienced in a long time. Someone cared about me. Someone good cared about me. And somehow, that was going to deliver me the summer of my dreams.

And for a while it did. For awhile I lived in this odd space of confusion and joy and shock. And it was the sweetest sensation I’ve felt since falling in love with the one person whose number I desperately wish I could find two years later. And summer seemed perfect. Life seemed perfect.

But, like always, I got reminded of that fatal human flaw of putting your hopes in another person. No matter how good they are, you just can’t do that. This summer reminded me that I easily lose myself in others. I lose what makes me, me. My light dims. My spark don’t spark like it used to. And eventually, that other person walks away.

This month marked two years in Philly. Two years of escaping the past. Two years of shrinking from the present. Two years of trying. I’m sure there’s beauty in our challenges. I’m positive that by my 26th revolution around the sun, I’ll see the beauty in this summer. Hopefully, I’ll have learned to stop putting out my own light with the hopes of being cared for back. I’m positive this summer served a purpose, just like all of the summers before it.

I’m certain the confusion and frustration are laying the groundwork for more. I believe that what’s for me shall not pass me. I hope you believe that too. I hope as this summer winds down, we find the space in our hearts to reflect and uplift, even when it all felt so temporary.

To that end, I hope we find value and lessons so fall can finally bring us back to ourselves.