Myself, T-H.com and all things random

Monday, 7 April 2014

So I decided to write a blog about me and pregnancy after reading a few around. Might be a boring read for you but hey ho. (Some may be a bit TMI so warning for those who don't like reading about women's stuff :) )

I already have one child who is now 4, Ethan. Pregnancy with him was sudden and a shock. I had only been with my boyfriend for 2 months before we found out I was pregnant. On the pill and taking it religious I didn't believe the tests. I fell into depression and found I struggled to be even slightly maternal. Lucky I got my butt kicked to go talk to GP after our son arrived and things started getting better. We all moved in together and started our family life. Things were going great so well we decided we wanted another child. However we decided to wait until we were married and had a bigger home.

Another year or so had passed and we booked our wedding for October 2013. The day would mark 5 years since we started dating. A house came up for rent over the road from where we lived at that time, even though pushed for money with the wedding, we decided to go for this bigger house. We moved in the April and kept planning the wedding. Every day that passed I was feeling more and more maternal and I was desperate to start trying for another baby. But the thought of not being able to fit into my dress (I already had it) kept reminding me it was too early to start trying or I'd have to sacrifice my favourite gown.

However I could wait no longer and we started trying in August. When I got my September period I was sad. But I knew it could take a long time to fall pregnant so quickly picked myself back up and focused on the wedding. When I worked out when my next period was due I was gutted. I was due on my wedding day, I'm usually on time to the dot so just prayed I wouldn't have bad cramps.

October came and it was wedding time! I had mild cramps but nothing bad. I thought thank goodness. After the wedding was over I noticed I hadn't started bleeding, brilliant.. it was wedding night after all

The next day we arrived home and I still had mild cramping but again no flow. My husband told me just to wait as I had the cramps, it will come soon. I knew I still had a test in the bathroom and decided to take one regardless. Positive! I couldn't believe it. We were so busy planning the wedding the last month we were not really "trying" but it happened.Excited I told hubby who was over the moon. I was also really glad I had little to drink on the wedding day.

We had a friend round that night, me not thinking, never put the test anywhere out of site. It was just in the bathroom and you could clearly see it if you went to the loo. So our friend found out that night. Though we made her swear to keep things secret for now.

A few weeks later I told my Mum. I expected her to be overjoyed but she was more 'can you afford it?' 'Why didn't you wait longer?' etc. Which bummed me out as I was so excited this pregnancy. Now though she's just as excited as me.

My first pregnancy was a breeze (except the depression) but this one had me having horrid morning sickness. I developed palpitations, dizziness and breathlessness and the MW and GP were not totally convinced it was just pregnancy so sent me to a cardiologist.I was given a month sick note and advised not to drive because of the random dizzy spells. Great! Lucky work were lovely and understood.

The cardiologist requested some tests, I thought great get this done and find out what it is and sort it. Unfortunately I didn't expect it to take 3 months to get the tests and results. More time off work.

1st scan time! I was sooo excited! But the night before I couldn't sleep. I was nervous for some reason. I can't remember getting the scans done with my first pregnancy so I really wanted to enjoy this one. I woke up with sickness and diarrhea. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to rearrange the appointment since hubby took the day off work to come.I couldn't let myself go to the toilet as I'd end up emptying my bladder too and I know they say you need a full bladder for first scan. I managed though and got the scan done. It was lovely, but would of been better if I felt well. The sonographer was lovely though and showed me where the bathroom was if I needed to escape the room, which I did but only just at the end. One baby! Though we were both sure there were twins as I was showing from early on.

Lucky the morning sickness eased off around 13/14 weeks which made things easier. Then I started to feel something. I could feel the baby move. I never expected to be able to feel it so early on so I was over the moon. My Mum didn't believe me saying it was too early but I knew it was.

Over the next couple weeks things were going well until I noticed pain in my left hip. I mentioned it to MW who said it's likely to just be lying on it but let me know next visit if still there. After that the pain spread. Whole pelvis, coccyx, groin area was sore. Yup SPD referral time. I now have a belt and a yoga ball to try and help but it doesn't do much to be honest. Some days can't even bend enough to check things I have cooking in the oven.

The second scan I felt healthy so I could enjoy it much more. Everything was checked and everything looked great. My husband asked the sex, 95% sure it was a girl! If we could of chosen what we wanted, it would of been a girl so we were overjoyed!.Names are proving harder to pick, we have a shortlist of 3 Willow, Scarlett and Kira. But no doubt the list will change, grow and shrink and grow again as the weeks progress. The only issue with the scan was that baby was facing my back and wouldn't turn round so we never got a good picture from our second scan.

Apart from the dizziness and SPD, pregnancy has been going well.I'm now into the third trimester- 28 weeks.I saw my cardiologist yesterday who said we need more tests, some can't be done while pregnant as slight risk to baby. I called work and told them and we agreed I'd just go on maternity rather than using more sick time.

Monday, 3 February 2014

Riiiight, what follows here is a rant. Not my usual "mini rant" but full scale in your face rant *of my opinion*.
These are events that have happened to me over the past week, and I believe it's bordering misconduct of the A&E department of my local hospital.
I am aware that I could be wrong in my assumptions, and that is just 'how A&E works'. But to me.. nah.
Have a read and see what you think. Let me know too. Nice to know I'm not going insane.

The Start:

Few weeks ago I saw my midwife and told her I was struggling with palpitations and breathlessness in this pregnancy. She wasn't convinced it was purely pregnancy related, so booked me in for an appointment with the GP for the next day.
I saw the GP who agreed with the midwife. He sat and listened to me, booked me an ECG at his clinic and got on the phone to the hospital to book me an urgent appointment with the cardiologist.
At this point the GP tells me "If you feel more unwell than usual, feel faint or even pass-out, call 999".

1st A&E Visit:

Couple days later I found myself experiencing stronger palpitations and was feeling really dizzy and struggling to catch my breath. I decided to go to A&E after the GP advised a few days before to go if unwell. Upon arrival I was seen, had an ECG which did show some extra beats, and had my blood taken (think you all saw the picture of my arm after.) Bloods came back okay so doctor said, not sure why you feel like this. But you have an appointment with the cardiologist in a few days, just go home and rest and speak to her.

I went to my cardiologist visit and she went through a lot and booked more tests. She said if I became unwell again more than feeling now, or had a blackout to make sure she found out. Then I had to wait for a letter for the tests I need.

2nd A&E Visit:

About a week later I started feeling unwell again. This time I got pain in my arm and loss of vision in my right eye. I called 111 (A number in the UK you call and they assess if you need a GP or hospital) and the girl on the phone sent me to hospital via transport ambulance. In A&E I got yet another ECG done, which again showed these extra beats. They decided not to take bloods since I had them done recently anyway. Doctor came in and said, "we don't know what the problem is, you have tests booked anyway (note: these were still 10 days away) so go home and rest. Any more problems come back". Beginning to get repetitive isn't it?

After this I did get my eye checked and blood flow in my neck scanned which were all fine.

3rd A&E Visit:

This one happened yesterday. Again about a week only since last in A&E.
I was at home when I started getting strong palpitations again. Felt breathless and sweaty then don't remember anything except picking myself and my broken glasses up of the floor. I had hit my head hard on the coffee table. Enough to break my glasses and give me a big swollen egg on the side of me eye socket. Mum called 999 and they came out and assessed me. They took me into hospital but advised me it's about a 2 hour wait to be seen.
I was wheeled into the waiting area where I sat an hour before seeing the triage nurse. She took my obs and told me she was going to get me in an assessment room soon.
2 hours later and I was finally called in. They did another ECG (this one pretty clear, just a few extra beats) and you guessed it, more blood. Then I was asked to go back to the waiting area while I waited for my blood test to come back.
2 hours later I was called back through, where the doctor told me... guesss what!? "We don't know why you collapsed. Your bloods are okay, just go home and rest and wait for your tests."
So I came home after nearly six hours in hospital for nothing.

So I don't know if I'm expecting too much. But when someone collapses for unknown reason, surely you should be kept in hospital until they know what caused it!?

Edit after initial publish: Not one test one done on my head. I felt dizzy and sick and zero was looked at.

I'm tempted to make a formal complaint because I believe I'm being shoved away with all this. But writing it for other peoples reactions and thoughts.

Friday, 17 January 2014

So I finally saw my cardiologist yesterday, a really nice lady actually.
We arrived early and I started by having an ECG, same extra beat showing up as in all previous ECG's. Which to be honest was a relief. I wasn't feeling that ill, which made me worry a bit that the tests I was going to have wouldn't reveal anything.
After the ECG I waited an hour for the doctor. We were early and she was 20 minutes behind, wasn't a big deal. The cardiologist went through everything, got me to explain exactly what I was feeling and such. She listened to my chest and could hear the extra beat. She explained in basic terms that my heart is having an extra beat, that beat has the chamber full of blood so needs a big beat to push out the blood and this chamber is more full of blood than usual. Then my heart tries to "reset" itself into a normal rhythm. This works for a few beats then repeats.
People can have this occasionally, but to have it 24/7 and for it to increase in severity is more unusual. The fact I'm getting dizzy spells and breathlessness with this is the cause for investigation. I could take some beta blockers to help the rhythm but being pregnant, it poses a risk to baby so that's a no.
She wants me to have a 24 hour monitor on and a 24 hour blood pressure machine, but I have to wait for the appointment to to come in the post to get them. I'm also waiting for an appointment for an echo cardiogram. She want's an MRI but again the contrast fluid poses a risk to baby so we are going to wait for that until baby is here unless things go really tits up.
I have a sick note for work for a month from my GP, only thing is I'm not seeing the cardiologist for another 8 weeks (unless something shows on tests). So I'm worried what work will say. If I magically feel better then I'll just go back to work, but if this stays the same then I can't drive. I won't risk it.
So last night I came home and it was just before bedtime, I started to feel unwell again. I went to bed and tried to ignore the strong palpitations, dizziness and breathlessness but it got me down. I have to put up feeling like this until I get an appointment for the things above. Which could be weeks away. Some days I can't even stand for more than a few minutes.
I'm still to call work, I chickened out today, I'll have to let them know what the doctor said even though my sick note is in and covering me for now. I love my job and my bosses (very rare) but now I'm worried that I might get let go.

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

As the title states it's been 6 months since I last updated this puppy. To be fair I keep having those "I really need to update my blog" moments, but never sat down to do it. It was only reading my cousin's blog that I decided to visit mine and proceed to fall off my chair when I realised how long it has been.

The last few month have been a bit crazy with the wedding etc, which by the way, went swimmingly. I then found out the day after the wedding that I was pregnant, and I was so relieved that I barely touched a drink on the wedding day. I had planned to drink a lot more the day before and the day itself but a upset stomach (I'm not convinced it was nerves because I wasn't nervous at all, though now may have been pregnancy) stopped me doing so. Maybe I'll write a blog post just about the wedding soon.

It was around this time that I got an idea for some crazy project... again. I bounced the idea off someone I've worked with before who loved the idea and then I went on the hunt. So far so good and all will be revealed.... at some point. There is a good reason not to spill the beans yet :) but it's going to be big.

So fast forward to present day and I'm sick... booo. For the last 5-6 weeks or so I haven't been feeling right, couldn't put my finger on it but I just put it down to pregnancy. I saw my midwife last week and told her, and she wasn't convinced what I was feeling was related to pregnancy so she booked me a GP appointment for the next day. I went to that appointment and the GP agreed with the midwife that he didn't think it was pregnancy related, he believes it's a cardiac issue. So I have an appointment tomorrow with the cardiologists.
I have been to A&E in the mean time as instructed by the GP if I got the palpitations and felt dizzy, but after it took a care assistant (note not a nurse) 20 minutes to get blood out of me, I was told 'you're not ill enough for A&E, we don't know why you are getting these symptoms, just go home and wait to see the specialists'. Lovely.
Oh and you want to see the aftermath on one arm from that care assistant? 3 attempts each arm by the way!:

So that's about where I'm at. Sat waiting for tomorrow to see the doctors. The slightest bit of activity kills my energy at present. I tried making an omelette a couple days ago, I had to sit down 4 times during making it because I felt breathless and dizzy. Highly annoying.

Monday, 1 July 2013

The bad news is I'm still behind on work and postage, but the good news is my other jobs hours have increased. Which sucks for my Nightwish work but great for the bank and wedding plans.
I'm struggling for time, if I'm not at work I'm caring for my son. If I'm not caring for him I'm most likely helping my mother (doing really well after her operation but long road). I then come home and look at the list of work I've got to do for the fan club or the forums and think "I've got an hour before bed.. jees"
I do have 4 days off work coming up whilst Mam and Dad are away, so that should help me catch up everything.
Seriously though.. how did I used to do this? I worked full time when TH first went official and I was rebuilding and re-branding everything. When the hell did I have the time? For the life of me I have no clue!! I want to go back in time and ask my past self how the hell I did it because I need that help now.

I'm gutted today after my first "weigh in". I started really hard last Monday with healthy diet and exercise. Some days I could barely walk because of the exercise I did the day before. But despite pushing myself, I've only lost 1.5lbs. I have about 8 weeks to get down to my goal weight which is another 14lbs loss.
Yes I know the healthy way is about 2lbs a week and I'm fine with that, just when you put so much effort in, I expected a bit more show of results on the first week.

At least 90% of all the wedding things are done (except paying for it). Even had a laugh with Floor on skype the other night with wedding shoes. She thinks mine are fab but also thinks I'm insane having that heel size.
Just the little bits to buy now like Ethan's shoes and bridesmaid gifts etc, but the big stuff is sorted. Have a meeting on Friday to go through everything and taste and pick our menu. Get a free night stay that Friday too as a nice bonus.

Sadly however, London in August is definitely not happening, I just can't afford it. Which is a royal pain as it would of been useful to be down there but can't be helped.

Thursday, 6 June 2013

Once again I have failed to keep my blog up to date. I keep forgetting to post, don't have time or don't have anything interesting to say.

I'm finally moved into my new house but boy I was naive about how hard and time consuming moving is. I've never moved house before so I thought it wouldn't take long to pack things up, move then unpack... jeeezz what an idiot.

Moving home was a last minute thing. We were not looking to move at that point, though we were wanting to. We never really liked our last house. It was a bit small for us with zero storage and open plan to really make the heating bills big. With saving for the wedding, we decided not to look for a new house until after we paid off the venue. I however forgot to remove myself from the estate agent mailing list and I got an email with a house perfect for us. It left us with a moral dilemma. Did we move into this pretty much perfect house and eat into our wedding budget, or did we wait and look later knowing we might not find something for a while.We thought that since we wanted to try for another child soon, either way the move would eat into some savings we needed so we decided to go for it. Lucky the landlord accepted us.. in the end, but we couldn't bring our cat with us :( I've had a few cats other the years but I've never bonded with one as much as this little ball of fluff, so not being able to take her with us was heartbreaking. Lucky a friend of ours took her, so at least we know where she is and can go and see her.We only had about 2 weeks to plan and pack everything up to move, which I said earlier I thought would be a breeze. When we started to pack we found stuff we had not used in years and decided to de-clutter as we packed. I think we made 5 car fulls to the local recycling place just of random crap. To be fair, we still have unpacked boxes of crap so we could of been more strict about what to bring.

So we moved in and with it only being across the street, we never bothered with a van. We just carried or filled my small car with things and brought them over. Took us about 4 days doing this in-between my partner going to work. Typically a few days earlier my father managed to hurt his back, so I had to help lift the heavy things. Now I have zero upper body strength... zero! Carrying a huge sofa was a nightmare, I was pretty much useless. But we managed in the end.

(Living room decor.. sofa now replaced)

It's been about a month since we moved in and I'm still not finished. The spare bedroom is full of boxes and pictures... pictures I can't put up because of my paranoid landlord who won't let me paint and I have to check with her where to put each nail if I want to hang pictures. So screw that I went with wall decals instead. I have yet to organise my office space and other things. Lucky I mostly got downstairs finished:

However, moving has put a huge delay on my work. I'm about 2 months behind with things which is driving my crazy because I like being organised and on schedule.

Still ongoing:

Finish the Finnish forum template & spam accounts

Update the Islanders Fan Club site with the new merch and re-open subs

Finish mailing out the new Islanders merch

Finish mailing other outstanding items

Finish my friends pole dancing website

Write my bits for The Wayfarer 2

-there is more but this is all that pops into mind at the moment.

All in all I'm trying to catch up, but when I'm now working extra shifts at work, have a 3 year old who needs more and more attention, it's becoming tough.

I know if I knuckled down I'd get it all done within a week however I've done that kind of work load before and it killed me. I bet there are some people who will read this that will remember me being online through the night then continue through the day as well. I've been taking more 'social time' out on an evening. I put it in ' ' because does online gaming count as social time? Haha.

Things will start and quieten down soon so I can catch up then stay on top of stuff easy. This weekend should see the office stuff sorted and most of the mailing will be done. Once the house is finished, work will be easier. It's just a tug of war to decide which to work on. I need the house done to access my office stuff to work, but I also need my work done so I know which stuff I need unboxing. Because the room I'm using is full of suitcases and boxes, having the room to organise merch etc has been a nightmare. I can't wait for the house to be done and then it should all be plain sailing.

I'm now glad I'm not going to the Download festival with my friend, giving me more time to finish everything. And of course no jetting off to see NW this year either, which means all wayfarer stuff need to remember from last year.. and my memory sucks haha.

Monday, 31 December 2012

So my 2012 was an eventful one full of ups and downs, but mostly ups which is all that counts and me turning 30. Edit: Okay this ended up hugeee.. sorry

Started the year with getting the new Tuomas-Holopainen.com design. I swore to myself that I wouldn't change it for a long time (yes Steff I mean it!). I finally managed to get the design nice and simple and easy to navigate. Something which bugged me for ages with past designs. Though I'm still very much a beginner as I'm still "thrown into the deep end" after the guy who helped me design the blue version back in 2010 stopped contact so I had to literally learn as I went along and trial and error. I don't think I've done too bad for someone with no training :)

Then headed to Finland for some Nightwish shows, which was good fun. Was good to see them all again. Of course we did the interview with Tuomas which went down well.. and I was blanked by a certain female which no names will be mentioned but was the start of me suspecting something wasn't right with that person.
I got to meet Katharina in person for the first time on this trip which was wonderful and a huge surprise, and it was nice of Johanna Kurkela to come stand for a bit and chat while we waited for the show to start.

Then Paris happened with 3 crazy Ghouls.. and Disney, which was so fun.. though bloody cold! We need to do this again when it's warm I think. Paris backstage at Nightwish was fun, watching Sari Beastall and Liz Lowe dancing stage side made me laugh and of course I got a photo of the event. I arranged for them to have time to 'interview' Tuomas which we were going to publicize but it just turned into complete randomness so decided not to. Also got really angry at said female from before, again won't go into detail but it led to a good rant with someone else who agreed with me 100% which I didn't expect. So that put a downer on things for a bit.

By mid year I got pissed off with working at the care home. They were taking me for a ride. I ended up having to stay awake over 54 hours so I could look after son and then work on the evenings and they didn't attempt to swap my shifts, so I walked out.

Then I had a horrible argument with Tuomas about a few things . Of course all got sorted in the end (all made sense in UK why it turned into an argument) but then the bombshell was dropped about Anette, which caused me a lot of money as the server we were on couldn't handle the traffic and the host company suspended our account. Costing me an hour phone call (of 1.50 per minute) to the states, then £170 to upgrade to a dedicated server. Stressful time that was.

So she left then as if by magic, the UK club was allowed meet and greets again. *ahem* So we frantically sorted all that out with only a few weeks till the tour. But all done and organised had the best time ever calling the winners. The time on tour was fun (if I didn't fall ill would of been better) and the meet and greets (bar Manchester *shakes fist at security*) went brilliantly and it was great to meet so many people I have spoken to for such a long time finally in person.
Then it was off to the premier in Helsinki. Good atmosphere and the best NW show I had seen to date. Would of been perfect if the crowd from Brixton were in Hartwall instead. Afterparty goodness and great to see Christian again and actually have a conversation this time :). Met twice before but only seemed to say very little to each other.

Then it was the trip to Kitee and me panicking on the train by not knowing the thing splits in two hah. Seeing Kiti, Penna, Plamen and Katharina was great and it was a lovely experience. Having my photo and mentioned in the paper was weird though. Shame I never managed to get a physical copy, but at least Katharina was kind enough to scan it for me.

With the continued growth of Tuomas-Holopainen.com - official 2 years now and the improving Nightwishforum which we have had a year now, things are looking stronger and stronger all the time. Huge thanks to Benedikt for help with our new server which has made things so much easier and cheaper to run.

I think it's still weird that little old me started some typical fan appreciation site way back in 2008 and to have grown to where I am now. Got a great little web team going, the certain bunch of individuals who try to sabotage our work and write crap online seem to have started to give up. So all in all I think 2013 has the potential to be a good year.

Apologies to people I missed off, I think this is long enough to start.