That’s how you signed your email to me after we broke up to coordinate exchanging our things. Perhaps it was an occupational hazard or the fact that you are callous. Fundamentally, you are just not a nice person.

Apparently I was on another planet the entire time we were together. Soon after we broke up, every significant individual in my life told me how awful they thought you were. They assured me that I “dodged a bullet.” They said they envisioned our divorce and that I’m “better off .” They knew before I did that I was never truly happy.

Still there were many happy times; I think of you fondly and far too often. It’s very frustrating to feel you’ve found the love of your life, but alas you have not. If everyone hates you, why do I still love you?

Deep down I know if it were meant to be it would be. Why does it still feel like the rug got pulled out from under me? Did the fates get confused? Did I take a left turn when I should have taken a right? Fortunately and sadly I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

I wish you were willing to prioritize our relationship over your job. To go out of your way for me, to do the simple things that people who love one another do without thinking twice. But you were not, you let me go and you didn’t look back. If I had stayed, I’d likely be miserable. But then again, there are days where I’m miserable now…

I still miss you. I miss your mother. I think of you both often and pray that you are both thriving and happy. Your birthday is coming and I won’t be celebrating with you. You haunt my dreams, I still turn over in bed expecting you to be beside me.

There are still very dark and tear-filled days, but without darkness how would the light get in?

I’m still trying to accept the reality of it all. Battling with myself and my heart, where you still have a place that you don’t deserve. It would have never worked, it was too hard. I want to be cherished, to feel happy and supported by my significant other. 100% of the time and without pretense or argument. Thank you for helping me to realize my worth. I will never again sell myself short.

Come and say hi!

Letter To My Ex is run by journalist and blogger Rachel Smith. Write a letter of your own, read thousands of letters from all over the world or check out the latest on the blog, where we touch on everything to do with break-ups, exes, single life, dating and relationships in general.
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