On the road with Chilli Boy: 3

Well firstly, sorry about Saturday’s game. 40-7 isn’t pretty, is it? And while we’re at it 33 missed tackles isn’t great either, right? Yeah, we know…but as Coach Div says, sh&t happens…

But do you really want to know what isn’t pretty? Do you want to know what’s 1000 times worse than 33 missed tackles? Do you??

How does having Crowded House playing 24 / 7 sound to you? I’m talking about Crowded House playing on every radio station, Crowded House playing in every restaurant, in our hotel lobby, in our hotel rooms, on every TV channel, when I switch the bathroom lights on, when I flush the toilet, outside my window at night when I’m trying to fall asleep…everywhere you go in this country it’s FRICKIN’ CROWDED HOUSE !!!

I know the Kiwi’s love to moan about the whole “Susie” fiasco back in ’95, but this is really taking things to the next level. Honestly, a lot of the boys were really quite upset by it, so much so in fact that Dean Greyling almost didn’t take to the field on Saturday. He was badly shook up and only an impromptu acoustic performance of “Hier kom die Bokke” by Gary in the changing room minutes before kick-off managed to snap him out of his zombie like trance. (By the way, Gary also does a pretty mean version of “Toxic” by Britney, which is available for download at his myspace page www.thegoldenchild.myspace.com ). It’s not an excuse for our performance, but our fans back home have a right to know just how challenging it is to play rugby in New Zealand.

I’m not going to lie to you folks, it’s been a tough old tour, but on the plus side there have been a few valuable lessons learnt, for example:

If John asks you at dinner whether you’re done with your chips, you say “Yes”.

Always allow the air to settle for a full 15 minutes before using the bathroom after Flip.

Never take what Coach Div says literally.

Always have your headphones handy when it’s Dicks’ turn to speak.

Don’t allow Ruan to get started talking about his “European Awakening”. He’ll never shut up.

And possibly the most important one of all, delete all Crowded House tracks from any portable music players immediately!

Well folks, it’s been a pleasure writing to you all over the last few weeks. We’re really excited about getting back home and catching up on what we’ve missed in Binnelanders. Apologies again for not being able to sneak a win on the road. We tried. Sort of.