17 Valentine’s “Funny” Quotes

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If you’re looking for a lighthearted approach to your Valentine’s Day cards, you’ll like these 17 Valentine’s funny quotes for this February 14th. I’ve done a round-up of funny sayings from comedians, cartoonists, actresses, authors, and even a secretary of state. See if any of these funny Valentine’s quotes fit the bill for the card you’re sending this Valentine’s Day.

Funny Quotes about Valentine’s Day

Below are funny quotes about Valentine’s Day, specifically mentioning the actual day itself.

Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! ~Jay Leno

Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone. ~Lewis Black

Oh, here’s an idea: let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all. ~Robert Pattinson (Jimmy Fallon)

David Letterman’s Valentine’s Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Funny Valentine Quotes about Men

Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em, right? Here are some funny Valentine quotes about men.

Husbands are like fires – they go out when they’re left unattended. ~Cher

I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. ~Natalie Wood

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity. ~Albert Einstein

The older theory was, marry an older man because they’re more mature. But the new theory is men don’t mature. Marry a younger one. ~Rita Rudner

Funny Valentine’s Love Quotes

These funny Valentine’s love quotes will have you chuckling.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. ~Charles M. Schulz