frozen chocolate peanut butter pie {crap no. 9}

Justin Bieber was arrested this week, which, for some reason, reminded me of an exchange that happened between two of my ballet students last year.

Kid 1: (pointing to a mark on her face) What is this? (pausing to run her fingers over it) Oh my god. Maybe I have a terminal disease! Do you think I have a terminal disease?

Kid 2: If you do, and you get a wish from the Make-A-Wish Foundation, will you take me to a Justin Bieber concert?

I wish I could say conversations like that weren’t common in my line of work, but alas…

Recently, I confessed to my pal, Melissa, that for the longest time when people used the expression: my bad, I thought they were saying “my bag.” I couldn’t find the connection between bags and mistakes, but figured there was a lot about thug lingo that I couldn’t grasp. I also thought people were saying Lincolned, when they were actually saying “LinkedIn.” Again, I was having some trouble making the connection between my online resumé and some random dude named Lincoln… I think this says a lot about how people enunciate/don’t enunciate when they speak.

This year, 2.0 would like to give ebony-the-cat a small, live fish for her birthday, as she’s been feeling under the weather as of late. He figures the hunt would lift her spirits. It’s not the first time he’s made this sort of suggestion. And it’s not the first time I’ve suggested that we refrain from that sort of gift giving.

I invented a drinking game over the holidays. Originally, every time Jamie Oliver used the word literally on one of his shows, we were to take a drink. (He says it a lot.) However, because I like to say literally in my best Jamie Oliver accent as often as possible, the game quickly switched in focus, and every time time I uttered the word literally, my sister took a swig. Come to think of it, she doesn’t seem to remember much of anything from December 23-29th…

I’m starting a new feature on this here blog! It’s a series in which you get to pick the next epic tale to be told by yours truly. It’s a Reader’s Choice sort of thing, except I didn’t want to call it Reader’s Choice, as that is totally overused. Instead, I’m calling it: Peruser’s Druthers*. You can cast your vote below!

Before you cast your vote, let’s talk pie, shall we? This is a decadent frozen pie, and though the recipe might appear long and complicated, I can assure you it’s not. It has a chocolate crumb crust (because I loathe graham cracker crusts), and is topped with what I can only describe as a peanut butter mousse filling. It contains cream cheese, which adds a tiny bit of tang to its peanutty sweetness. Atop the peanut butter filling sits a chocolate glaze which crackles under your fork. Next comes the salted peanut layer and topping of caramel sauce. (Because we’re livin’ large in 2014.) The recipe makes enough caramel sauce to top the pie, with extra to warm up and spoon overtop each slice when serving. Because it’s a frozen dessert, it’s a great make-ahead option. The extra sauce takes only minutes to re-heat as a garnish, and will make you look like a superstar with your guests.

I’ve set it up so you can vote every 12 hours, because I have a feeling you’ll be passionate about your choice. I’ll keep the poll open until Tuesday, January 28th @ 8 am (AST).

*Shout out to thesaurus.com.

. . .

Frozen Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie

recipe: adapted slightly from a family recipe, with adjustment to the notes and method – print and make

Yields one 10-inch pie.

For the crust:

1 1/2 cups chocolate wafer crumbs

5 tablespoons butter, melted

pinch of salt

For the filling:

8 ounces cream cheese, softened

1 cup granulated sugar

1 cup crunchy peanut butter

2 tablespoons butter, melted and cooled

1 cup heavy cream (whipping cream)

2 tablespoons vanilla extract

For the chocolate glaze:

6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips

3 tablespoons canola oil

3 tablespoons butter

For the topping:

3/4 cup roughly chopped shelled, salted peanuts

For the caramel sauce*:

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup heavy cream (whipping cream)

1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar

1/2 cup granulated sugar

2 tablespoons light corn syrup

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

*note: this makes enough caramel sauce to both cover the pie and serve spooned over each slice. Halve the recipe if you want only enough to cover the pie. Leftover sauce is also lovely when warmed and served over ice cream.

Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Read through the entire recipe. This pie requires several hours of freezing – be sure you’ve allotted time for this. I make the crust and filling on day one, the glaze and caramel sauce on day two. Measure out all of your ingredients – some won’t be needed until day two of preparation. Be sure you’ve got room in your freezer for the pie to lay flat during storage.

Lightly grease a 10-inch pie plate – be sure it is deep enough to hold about two inches of pie. If using a 9-inch plate, the layers will be even higher.

Make the crust: in a medium sized bowl, use a fork to combine the chocolate wafer crumbs, melted butter and salt. Press the crumb mixture evenly into the bottom of the prepared pie plate. Chill until ready to use.

Make the filling: in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment (or with a hand mixer), beat the cream cheese on medium speed until light and smooth. Add the sugar, peanut butter and butter, beating until light, smooth and well combined.

In a separate bowl, with clean attachments, whip the heavy cream and vanilla extract (in a stand mixer/whip attachment, with a hand mixer, or by hand) on medium high speed until it holds stiff peaks. Fold the whipped cream into the peanut butter mixture – be gentle, but thorough – you want the mixture to be evenly blended.

Spread the filling over the prepared pie crust, right out to the edges of the pan, and smooth the top evenly with your spatula or a bowl scraper. Freeze for at least two hours or until very firm. (I like to freeze overnight.)

Make the glaze: in a metal bowl set over a pot of simmering water, combine the chocolate chips, canola oil and butter, stirring until the butter and chocolate chips have melted and the mixture is smooth and glossy. Remove from heat and allow to cool (stirring occasionally). Once the mixture is just warm to the touch – spread evenly over the frozen pie and return to the freezer for at least an hour.

Make the caramel sauce: in a small saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter. Add the cream, sugars and corn syrup, stirring well to combine. Bring to a boil, and allow to boil for about 8 minutes – the mixture will be very bubbly and frothy, but not thick. Remove from heat, stir in the vanilla extract and then allow to cool to room temperature, stirring occasionally. (The sauce will thicken considerably as it cools.)

Remove the pie from the freezer, top evenly with the peanuts, and then pour/drizzle about 1/2 of the sauce over the pie and return to the freezer to set – this doesn’t take long at all, but is safe to leave in the freezer well ahead of serving time. Store remainder of sauce in an airtight container in the refrigerator.

Before serving, gently warm the remaining caramel sauce in the microwave or over low heat in a saucepan. Remove the pie from the freezer a few minutes before serving time. To slice, run a knife under hot water and dry – the hot knife will cut through the frozen pie more easily. Be sure to cut right down into the crust. Top each slice with the warmed caramel sauce (if using).

OBVIOUSLY I’m voting for the fart story, since the one you posted previously (about someone else) almost made me laugh so hard that I peed my pants. Almost (that’s my story and I’m stickin to it!)

It was really sweet of you to make me this pie with my favorite things as an early bday gift. My birthday is in March so if you would like to ship it early you can (might as well ship it while the temps outside should keep it frozen through most of its journey across the US).

Nice drinking game. I like it. It’s always a great game to play with any show. We played one over the holidays that involved drinking and Just Dance 4 (and lots of blackmail worthy videos). 🙂 You should check out Cards Against Humanity, it’s on of FH’s favorite games (it’s not a drinking game, per se, but you can turn it into one for sure).

movita beaucoupon January 24, 2014 at 2:55 pm

I believe we will be sending you a small, dead fish for your birthday. The tag will read: with love from 2.0 and ebony-the-cat.

Also, I keep hearing about Cards Against Humanity – it sounds like my kind of game!

Okay, first of all, I’m incredibly pleased to see that between the two fantastic choices you gave us, the fart story is winning. I’m not sure what that says about us, but it makes me happy.

Second, this pie sounds amazing. So amazing that I am blacklisting it from the internet and refusing to ever make it, because if I do, I will eat the whole thing in a matter of minutes, and then keel over in a crippling ball of shame. Tasty, tasty shame.

movita beaucoupon January 24, 2014 at 3:57 pm

I’m SUPER pleased that there is an assumption that my gas was passed in fart-form.

When I first saw the title FROZEN blah blah pie in my inbox, I was like “This Canadian chick be cray-cray!” (That means crazy – I translated since you are thug lingo challenged.) WHO WANTS TO EAT FROZEN PIE WHEN IT’S FREEZING OUTSIDE?!?!?! But then I clicked on it and saw the first photo and was like “DAT CARAMEL” (Dat is derived from THAT. According to Urban Dictionary it’s “Commonly used by those who are either too lazy to add the fourth letter, or teen homeboys and teenybopper girls who think that it ‘iz totali awzum to speel inkorectly’.”) Urban Dictionary is your friend. Seriously though, these photos are some of your best work yet. RESPECT, YO. And that pie? I would eat the entire thing while standing outside in a blizzard naked. But I’m with Willow – it’s too dangerous to be made. Though I do like the sound of “tasty, tasty shame.” Peace out. PS. I voted for the fart story – it was the clear choice.

movita beaucoupon January 25, 2014 at 8:25 am

Mellissa, thanks for schooling me in cool lingo. I appreciate it, and will utilize some of your terms this afternoon when I’m teaching. Also, Canadians don’t care about American you-can-only-eat-this-in-the-summer rules! Nah! We eat what we want, when we want. That’s why the entire planet loves us…

YES to getting to pick which stories we hear next from you! Maybe you can turn it into a “choose your own adventure” style series. I have no idea what that would entail but it sounds pretty cool. I drool over everything you make but seriously, this frozen peanut butter pie is blowing my mind. Not to mention every single photo you’ve posted here is gorgeous. Breathtaking. Museum worthy.

movita beaucoupon January 25, 2014 at 8:28 am

Sadly, the endings for most of my stories have already been chosen. And often they don’t work out in my favour…

While I appreciate your advice re: the amount of caramel sauce, I’ve to ask. Who the hell would halve a caramel sauce recipe to avoid leftovers? That’s just not natural and I would be checking their bodies for a barcode.

As for the stories, I want to read them BOTH so I am frozen (not unlike your pie) in perpetual indecision!

And as for druthers, it’s a good down home southern word and I’ve been using it since reading Mark Twain’s “Tom Sawyer” back in elementary school. It’s a contraction of sorts for “would rather.” So tell 2.0 to back off, buddy! It can be properly used thus: If I had my druthers, you’d send me that pie by overnight courier, packed with dry ice.

movita beaucoupon January 25, 2014 at 8:29 am

I know, Stacy, I know. As I typed that part about halving the sauce recipe, I was actually muttering: what kind of person would do that? Not one of MY readers, that’s for sure!

Thank you my dear. Your view on my sanity (or rather, lack thereof) is probably right. Unfortunately, the Practice Nurse’s view on the state of my blood sugar and HDL:LDL ratio is even more likely to be right. As for running, only if there’s a bus within 10 yards or so.

BUT I WANT THE GERARD STORY NOW. Now now now now nowwwwwww, moveeeeeeeta!!! (stomps feet.)

Um, so about ebony. Give her a fish and it’s a slippery (heh. get it?) slope that leads to things like daily mice and weekly possums. If you give her a fish this month, and by March she’s going to be like “oh look! There’s a RABBIT IN THE GARDEN! Let’s go meet it!” And we know how *that* turns out.

movita beaucoupon January 25, 2014 at 8:29 pm

Also, Katherine, ebony is deaf and almost blind. So… carcasses everywhere. (And there is the bear threat.)

The Gérard story is currently in the lead! Proving that French actors are more popular than farts. At least, they are right now.

This pie looks fantastic. I am completely tempted to make it despite the fact I am still freezing since returning from the sub-zero U.S. at Christmas to dark and cold Sweden. What the hell, I am not transitioning well. I am still jet-lagged after three weeks, and let’s face it, it’s probably going to be cold until May. Might as well go for it!

I voted for Gerard, but only because I’ve heard the fart story already (not that it isn’t worth a retelling, Movita-style). My farmer thought that I made up the word segue. Seriously. One day I even came home to the farm to find the old Heritage Illustrated Dictionary lying open to the “s-e-g-” section on my placemat at the table – with the word nowhere in sight. Clearly I invented it.

movita beaucoupon January 27, 2014 at 11:30 am

I’m pretty sure 2.0 doesn’t think segue is a word. Also, when I use the word methodology? Things get heated…

This series is going to be epic. I’m totally beside myself with excited anticipation. Kids…they’re crazy. There were far too many of them on the boat of doom for my liking. Sometimes, I thought about inching my foot out as they were running past, and then I thought better of it. What kind of person would that make me? I’m thinking this pie would help get over the boat of doom vacation.

movita beaucoupon January 28, 2014 at 8:11 am

Tripping a kid on a boat would make you very practical. Aren’t there rules about running on cruise ships? Couldn’t a kid just forget to stop and run right OFF THE SHIP? You’d have saved lives, Jennie. Who knows how many kids are lost on cruises every year…

Sometimes I try to talk about pop culture stuff during the day at work, and the guys just don’t get me. Like over the holidays if someone would call out on the truck radio and ask how I was doing, I would say “DUH MAN I’M SO GREAT I’M LISTENING TO HANSON CHRISTMAS MUSIC HOW COULD I NOT BE GREAT AREN’T YOU GREAT TOO!!” and they’d be all “…………………..”

Jesus, Mary and you know who. Did someone forget to mention we are all on a diet. I just finished a freaking juicing post for god’s sake and all my hoopla about feeling satisfied and cravings have abated has LITERALLY (drink slams on table) just been chucked. This is some kind of hell yeah pie and I’m so making it the minute I’m eating sugar again.

i missed the voting!!! sneaky, though: if there’s going to be limited-time polls happening over here, it means i have to keep up with my blog reading. IIIIIINTERESTING STRATEGY.

Justin Bieber? So i just learned he’s Canadian (which should tell you how much i care about him) and evidently that means he’s your problem. I suppose you’ve heard that there’s now a legit petition on our President’s desk to have him deported? Although to me, deporting someone back to Canada always seems slightly ridiculous: like what are we to do, just drop kick him back over the border? he’s not going far. 🙂

2.0’s live fish idea, though creative, disturbs me quite a bit.

I LOVE the Jamie O drinking game idea! And he has such a way with that particular word, right? LIT-erally. The “LIT” part always sounds like he’s spitting something he hates out at you. I always feel bad for that missing fourth syllable in his version, though.

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