Ask A Millennial: Getting Married Young

What To Do When Your Dad Says He's Against Your Marriage

So even if that average number is on the rise, what’s keeping it so low given our relaxed views on non-committal sex? The answer is choice. While our zeal for sex never wanes, at some point the idea of having sex for the purpose of seeing a new person naked loses its appeal. While I can’t say for sure or back it up with any data, it seems reasonable to extrapolate that the busier you get early on, the sooner your appetite for novel sexual adventures fades. Once you realize that there are always going to be breasts out there you haven’t yet laid eyes on, you start to turn your attention on all those pesky “other” non-sexual aspects of a relationship — companionship, values, aspirations etc.

I don’t think (or, at least, refuse to believe) that men ever married for the sole purpose of having sex. However, I don’t find it hard to imagine that years ago, when premarital sex was more taboo, the anticipation for the wedding night may have played a small role in a man’s decision of who and when to marry. When you remove the taboos of premarital sex, it’s a lot easier to focus on those other, ostensibly purer facets of marriage. In fact, the fewer things you “attach” to marriage, the stronger you make it. As we approach a time when no one really “needs” to get married to do or accomplish anything, the more meaningful it becomes as a symbol/gesture. It’s much more sincere for you to propose marriage when it’s not done out of a sense to “do right” by your lady, and it’s much more significant for her to accept when it’s not done out of a sense of obligation or material need.

Try explaining it to your dad that way. Let him know that you ran out of wild oats halfway through freshman orientation. Assure him that you’ve handled more box than a UPS driver. Like you said, he means well. I would imagine that fathers often find themselves torn between molding their sons into boy scouts, while also not wanting them to miss out on things they feel they may have missed out on. Perhaps he wishes he’d had more sexual experiences before getting married, but I sincerely doubt that a lack of novel vaginas was the main reason your parents’ marriage dissolved — and therefore, it's not a reason to not get married in the first place.

At a certain point, you don’t necessarily want the newest item on the shelf — just the best one. In this case, you’re lucky enough to have found her.