Former Presidential candidate and alleged serial grabber of 'other people' Herman Cain has a theory about why presumed GOP nominee Mitt Romney is much more popular with men than he is with women. Men, you see, support Mitt Romney over Barack Obama because they are more informed about policy than, uh, some other people. You guys— I think he means women.

The segment aired on Fox News' America's Newsroom today. When the host asked Cain to explain the discrepancy between women's support for Obama and Romney, rather than thinking critically about how women maybe would consider a "roll back women's rights" platform a bit of a deal breaker, Cain chalked it up to their being stupid. Sorry— ignorant. And a little silly.

Yes, President Obama is very likable to most people, if you just look at him and his family. But if you look at his policies, which is what most people disagree with, it's a different story. And I think many men are much more familiar with the failed policies than a lot of other people, as well as the general public.

Cain does have a point. When we're not busy rubbing our faces onto the bellies of fluffy, fluffy puppies or blowing dandelion seeds into the wind while giggling and singing Raffi songs in falsetto, women don't tend to give policy a thought. Not a thought.

Joking aside, I'd argue that it's specifically women's attention to social policy that is driving them away from Romney. If women only cared about family and twinsets and shopping and heartwarming memories made by a fire, they'd be salivating all over Mitt and Ann Romney's close-knit gang of Romney boys and Romney grandchildren and Romney riding lessons. For chrissake, they're like The Heart Family. They each have their own assigned color and set of matching accessories. They're damn adorable.

Women don't like Mitt Romney because right now, the Republican Party is kind of all about saying terrifying shit about women— threatening to make birth control more difficult to come by, to outlaw or restrict abortion, to repeal equal pay laws. And Romney's stated views don't deviate at all from the War on Women party line. Why in the wide world of sports would a woman who was at all informed about social policy want to support Mitt Romney?

And what's with this evasive "other people" language? First, conservatives demonstrated that they were incapable of saying the word "vagina" in public without blushing like a bunch of 11-year-olds forced to sit in on the girls' section of sex ed. Now, have they determined that the very mention of the word "women" is so evil that it is the Gender That Must Not Be Named? Are women the new Voldemort?

At any rate, all you "other people" out there who aren't voting for Romney because you're too busy worrying your pretty little heads about your pretty little bodies should study up on the facts. As President, Romney would stand up for the rights of both Men and Other, Less Informed People. Believe that.