There comes a time in an aging woman’s life where logic dictates:
“dress below the knees, is not form-fitting, doesn’t look like something a 17 year old bought at The Gap, and shows just a hint of cleavage”.
She never got that memo, did she?

The aliens tried to put her back together the best they could with the parts they had. They put the larger boob on her left side to counterbalance the larger right leg. The face was so hideous that they decided a permanent smile was the best option.