Is Your Child Gifted? What to Look for, Why You Should Know

Traditional screening methods aren't the only way to identify a gifted kid.

How do you tell if your child is gifted? Schools that have programs for gifted students are often able to identify them by using traditional screening methods, like group IQ tests, review of achievement test scores and past grades, observation, and getting input from teachers and parents. So, when it comes to discovering if your own kid is gifted, one option is to wait and see whether teachers or others at your child's school recommend testing for a gifted education program.

Yet you shouldn't be entirely dependent on the schools when it comes to identification. Keep in mind that many teacher training programs require little (if any) course work in giftedness, so some teachers and school administrators may not have all the information they need to recognize gifted children. For this reason, your insights are important, and the more knowledge you have, the better position you're in to partner with others when selecting the best programs for your child.

In fact, parents should become familiar with the signs of giftedness even before their child starts school. Most school districts do not even start identifying children for gifted programs until the second or third grade, and parents of exceptionally bright or gifted children may want to consider private testing or alternative placement options (such as a private preschool school program or early grade acceleration) before that time.

Early testing and identification can be a controversial subject, but many advocates of gifted children believe that they should be identified as soon as possible, so that their unique needs and talents can be acknowledged and nurtured right from the start.

Some gifted children may not be particularly high achievers in the classroom. These students may have problems with attention (which may or may not be related to ADHD), have poor organizational skills, or simply not "mesh" with the teaching style in the classroom, and therefore may be overlooked when it comes to the selection of gifted program candidates.

I recall one boy I tested privately at the request of his mother. The boy, Mike, was in the fourth grade at the time. His mother was concerned, because Mike was getting poor grades, having conflicts with the teacher, and becoming more and more disinterested in school. He was having social conflicts too, being teased and picked on by other students who liked to see his "overreactions" when they provoked him. It had gotten to the point where home schooling was being considered, since it was getting harder to even get Mike out the door to go to school, which he considered "torture."

The school had never tested Mike for giftedness. Whatever screening process was in place had missed him. Possibly because he didn't fit the high-achieving, cooperative, wunderkind image that some teachers look for when making recommendations for gifted screening. Yet it turned out that his IQ measured in the in the Exceptionally Gifted range (fewer than 1 of 1000 kids score this high on an IQ test). His problems at school were not atypical for such children. Had he been identified earlier and placed in an alternative program, many of his academic and social problems might have been avoided. At the very least, Mike's parents and teachers would have had a better understanding of his problems and been able to collaborate from a more informed perspective to come up with solutions.

These types of scenarios are not unusual. In fact, some estimate that the majority of gifted children in the schools are never identified. That may not be a tragedy for some, but it very well could be for others, like Mike, who truly need special programming and support to get through school successfully.

Parents who are aware of the signs of giftedness can better collaborate with the schools to help assure that their own child's potential and learning needs are not overlooked.

How Can You Tell If Your Child Is Gifted?

As you've probably guessed, without proper assessment, there is no easy answer. There are no universally accepted traits that you can look for and no definitive signs that will tell you for sure whether your child is gifted. However, many gifted children share some common characteristics, and knowing these is a good place to start.

The reason for these common traits may have a lot to do with the physical characteristics of the brain. Giftedness is the result of both environmental and genetic factors, and both of these influences can lead to differences in the way that the brain works and develops. Some researchers believe that gifted children's advanced cognitive skills actually result — at least in part — from the ability of their brains to process information faster and more effectively than others their age.

The brain is made up of billions of nerve cells, or neurons, which communicate with each other by releasing and receiving chemicals called neurotransmitters. These chemicals travel through dendrites, root-like structures which branch out and seek connections with nearby neurons at junctures called synapses. The more of these dendrites and synapses we have, the greater our "brain power" — our ability to process information, to perceive, interpret, reason, problem-solve, remember, and do all kinds of tasks associated with learning. It appears that every time we do or experience something — read a book, have an emotion, look at a picture — a specific group of neurons associated with that activity "lights up," stimulating the growth of more dendrites and "exercising" those already in place, making them better processors of information. All else being equal, the denser and more efficient these neural connections, the easier it is to do the thing that is associated with that area of the brain.

Gifted children's abilities may be related in part to these enhanced neural connections, either because:

They were born with a denser than normal thicket of neural connections associated with the traits in which they are gifted, and had the right kind of experiences to allow them to use and retain, or further develop, these connections; or

They were born with a sufficient amount of neural connections and had ample opportunity to form more and more efficient connections through an enriched environment.

The denser, more efficient neural connections shared by gifted children could help explain the common characteristics many of these children share. But keep in mind that not every gifted child will show all, or even most, of these characteristics, and some will show traits that are quite contrary to what you might expect in a gifted child. It's commonly known that Albert Einstein learned to speak at a late age and didn't read until he was 7. Gifted children can be as different from one another as they are from the rest of society.

Below, I'll review some traits that gifted children may possess. But keep in mind that trying to identify gifted children by comparing their behaviors and traits against lists such as those presented here can be tricky. After all, many or even most children will show a lot of these same characteristics. The most important thing to do when considering your own child is to look at him or her in the context of other children of the same age. If there are consistent, noticeable differences, then advanced mental abilities may be present. Another clue may be that others — friends, relatives, teachers, neighbors — notice and comment on the same traits that you're seeing.

Language Skills

While most children are able to form recognizable sentences and understand complex language by about 2 years of age, gifted children often reach these milestones earlier. As they approach school age, other language skills may appear advanced or sophisticated.

Some of the traits of giftedness to look for when considering your child's language development in relation to others of a similar age include:

A highly developed vocabulary and the ability to learn new words easily

The tendency to speak quickly

The early use of longer, more complex sentences while using appropriate grammar

Early reading, if given some instruction and opportunity (Many gifted children have already learned how to read before entering school.)

Continually asking questions about what they see and hear, and wanting to receive thorough responses and explanations

The ability to understand and carry out multi-step directions at an early age (e.g., Go to the dining room, get the blue book on the table, and put it back on the shelf in your room, then bring me the clothes on your bed so I can wash them).

The ability to understand and participate in adult conversations (Gifted children often pick up nuances or double meanings early on — so watch what you say!)

The ability to change the language they use when speaking to different audiences (For example, a 4-year-old gifted child might use more advanced words and sentence structure when speaking to adults or older children, and then talk in a simpler, more childlike way when addressing his 3-year-old cousin.)

Learning Abilities

All children (all people, really, big and small) have an inborn desire to learn about the world around them — to seek out new experiences, figure out the relationship between themselves and their surroundings, to discover, and to learn. What distinguishes gifted children from others is the apparent natural ease and joy with which they go about doing this. Their brains appear to be mental sponges, effortlessly absorbing and incorporating new information and ideas.

Many gifted children are natural learners who show some of the following characteristics:

The ability to learn quickly and efficiently — to pick up ideas and skills effortlessly

A tendency to become highly focused on certain areas of interest (e.g., bugs, space, animals) and independently seek out information on these topics

The ability to ask questions that show advanced insight or understanding

A deep fund of knowledge — They know more about the world around them than you would expect

Excellent memory and easy recall of what they previously heard, saw, or learned

A tendency to read often on their own and to frequently prefer reading to more physical activities

Little need for direction or instruction when beginning a new activity, learning a new game, or acquiring a new skill — They may also insist on doing things on their own, or in their own way.

Early development of motor skills involving balance, coordination, and movement — Gifted children may also be advanced in some purposeful fine-motor activities, such as assembling small objects (e.g., legos, transforming toys, blocks) or putting puzzles together. However, other fine-motor skills may not be advanced. Some gifted children are poor at handwriting, although this may be more related to a lack of attention to detail or impatience with the slow and tedious task of handwriting practice than to problems with fine-motor control.

Pleasure in talking to older children and adults about topics that interest them

An understanding of their own thinking and learning processes — They may have preferred ways of learning and resist using other methods suggested by a teacher or adult. They are able to sense how much and what kind of studying they need in order to master a skill or topic.

Creative thinking — Gifted children may enjoy coming up with their own ways to solve problems and take delight in complexity and making connections between seemingly unrelated ideas or concepts.

The ability to concentrate on a topic of interest for an unusually long period of time — However, gifted children may quickly shift their attention or appear unfocused when doing something they perceive as unchallenging or uninteresting.

An inclination to see learning as fun — They take joy in discovering new interests or grasping new concepts.

Emotional and Behavioral Traits

Gifted children are often more emotionally intense than others. They can also be more sensitive to others' feelings and circumstances, and may display a great deal of empathy in situations where others their age appear indifferent.

Other emotional or behavioral traits to look for include:

A high activity level — Gifted children can appear to have an endless source of energy, constantly moving, talking, asking, and exploring.

The tendency to think and talk fast — Because they may be trying to speak as quickly as they think, gifted children are often asked to "slow down" so that the listener can understand them. They can also become frustrated when they feel that others are talking too slowly or taking too long to "get to the point."

Strong leadership qualities — Gifted kids often make natural leaders who take charge and guide others in new directions.

Ability to relate to older kids and adults — Because their cognitive skills and interests can be advanced for their years, gifted kids have an easier time connecting with and learning from those older than themselves.

Enjoyment of alone time — While gifted children may enjoy spending time with others, including mental mates (whether their own age or adults), they can also enjoy spending time on more solitary activities, such as reading, writing, daydreaming, observing, or just thinking.

Appreciation of natural beauty and — Gifted children may particularly enjoy being around and pointing out trees, sunsets, flowers, the ocean, animals, and other things of inherent beauty. They can also show a deep interest in certain forms of art (paintings, sculptures, or music, for example).

Hidden Gifts

Some gifted children show only a few of the signs listed above, or show traits that are quite the opposite of what you'd expect. For example, some will start to speak late rather than early, some will be emotionally reserved rather than intense, and some appear to think and speak slowly rather than quickly.

Also, keep in mind that there are children who show gifted qualities when it comes to language or emotional traits, but who do not appear exceptional when it comes to learning or academics. While some of these kids may have a specific learning disability getting in the way of their performance at school, others may have learned early on to hide their abilities in order to better fit in with others their age, or to avoid the pressures of higher expectations. And of course there are children who show many of the signs here who do not measure in the gifted range once they are tested. Does that mean they are not gifted? Not necessarily. Many kids don't shine on IQ tests due to test anxiety — or sometimes because of the very qualities associated with giftedness. For example, IQ tests typically have timed subtests, meaning that the faster a child responds or correctly completes a task, the more points she earns. However, gifted children who are perfectionists may respond more slowly than others, taking their time, working carefully and methodically, and checking their responses for accuracy. A gifted child with a high energy level who has a hard time focusing attention on structured tasks may also be at a disadvantage when it comes to performing in the rigidly structured atmosphere of an IQ test.

In addition, it's true that children can be gifted in one area (verbal skills, for example), but show only average ability in others (such as perceptual or nonverbal reasoning skills, which are important for math achievement). While these children's full-scale IQ score might not measure in the gifted range, they may still demonstrate some common traits of giftedness. For example, a verbally gifted child with average nonverbal reasoning skills may still be emotionally sensitive and have an excellent memory.

Identifying giftedness can be tricky, particularly regarding those who test right around that "magic" cutoff point of 130 or so. And IQ tests are certainly imperfect instruments and only one piece of the puzzle. Your insight and instincts, along with those of your child's teachers, can often be the most important pieces needed to truly understand your child's unique gifts and potential.

I am wondering if and when to get my daughter evaluated and if it even matters. She just turned 3 a few months ago but even if I had her evaluated, she takes a while to warm up to new people so I am not sure how I would even go about this. Again, she is in a Montessori environment and we constantly discuss her current skills and interests with her teachers so they are meeting her needs so I wonder if it is even necessary. She is undoubtedly "gifted" so does quantifying it matter?

At age three quantifying an IQ is generally not important.. most kids do well in school and in life without ever having an IQ test...

IQ test can benefit some kids who may benefit form differential programming during the school years... However, I generally do not recommend IQ assessment until age 4 1/2 or so - as IQ is more stable then and the information is more useful for school planning...

One of the few occasions where earlier testing may be warranted is when the information can be useful in differential diagnosis.. eg: a child is suspected of having an autism spectrum disorder - and an IQ test may provide additional insight into the child's profile that may help to explain some of the unusual behaviors others are seeing...

That is extremely helpful and was my gut feel also. My husband and I both weren't tested until age 7 but my daughter's teacher suggested I may look into it "just to get a professional assessment to know what we are dealing with and how to approach it." On the other hand, the teachers have been amazing in meeting her at her level and she is quite happy so I really would like to avoid putting her through an assessment just for the novelty of trying to assign a number. It was reassuring to hear from you that it is okay to hold off on this. Thanks.

I consider the fact that the teacher suggested your having her tested to be very significant. In a classical Montessori school the teachers are trained to be very sensitive to individual developmental differences among students, My daughter attended such a school as a 3- and 4-yo and her teacher observed that the boy who was her "best friend" also had an "advanced vocabulary." The director of the preschool recommended a school for the gifted for K. We were liberal, "egalitarian," had never used the word "gifted." We had our daughter tested at 4.5 and by that score she was "moderately giddied" (143). However, it was only the WPPSI, not a great test, the only one they give at that age, though. What we didn't understand at the time was that our daughter hit three "ceilings" on individual "subtests." That means the test did not determine the true extent of her IQ. We ended up homeschooling for K and beyond (9 years now) and when she turned 9 we had her re-tested because there seemed to be a greater discrepancy in what we were seeing from her then and that IQ score at age 4. At this time she tested at the pg level. So...my thoughts based on this experience are: I agree with you. IQ tests at this age will not show the true extent of what you are dealing with, and you already recognize your child as gifted. So I wouldn't bother right away. But, I *would* have the child tested at 6 or 7 (establish a relationship with a qualified tester before he or she is 6 and follow their advice as to exactly when to do it). It really DOES matter if your child is g or eg or pg but you want to be sure you have the best identification of that.

You're looking at high intelligence from an outsider's perspective. It's like you're looking at the sun with your naked eye. You're describing something that most people can recognize, but you're missing so much depth that your analysis can only be described as wrong. Why are you giving advice on this subject?

Do you have personal insight? Can you give advice related to that experience? Or are you just trying to sell your IQ tests? I've never met a test that I couldn't max out. I'll happily slay yours.

I'm as intelligent as 0.0008 of the population of the world. When you have some experience growing up with that knowledge of yourself, and that rich knowledge of the world, please feel free to comment about what it's like. Until then: Please stop giving advice. Please stop administering tests. You are not qualified.

I really just love Tim's post. I have a son who I believe is that type of child. When I raise him, I re-recognize myself. I grew up in China and the school there is much more strict. I was deprived of my fun and hate teachers in most of my life, even if both my parents are also teachers. I was the only person at elementary school who was exempt from early morning excise and home work. I had strong desire to learn things which is not allowed in school, but I was told to wait wait till one day I am in university and a good life is promised. Nobody can promise that to you. I was fooled and wasted the best part of my life. It is very sad and I am 43 now. I just hope my son can enjoy his life, otherwise I will feel guilty to bring him into this world.

Although my daughter, whom I am certain is somewhere in the gifted range has never had an IQ test has done just fine, graduating cum laude from a top 20 or 25 law school from which she received a full tuition scholarship and probably being the youngest graduate that year, I guess it all worked out. She was in a Gifted Talented pull out class, which she enjoyed during her grammar school years, also, but she also suffered a lot of boredom in the classroom, particularly during the earlier grammar school years. I wanted to start her in school a year early, because she was mature for her age and also more intellectually advanced than the average kid, but in those days it was absolutely not allowed.

Now basically she floated through school and it was much too easy for her. She did not develop good study habits until she got to college. If she hadn't been in a highly selective college, where overall the students were brighter than average, she probably would have continued to be a lazy student, who was getting reasonably good grades. Her husband, who I suspect may be slightly smarter than her, managed to get through undergrad school with good grades and not too much effort from the same college, but fortunately she had found it necessary to put more effort into school during those college years.

They both made spectacular LSAT scores, which is primarily what got them each a full tuition scholarship to a really good law school. His score was slightly better than my daughter's and he didn't put near the energy into preparing for his LSAT that my daughter did. At law school having learned how to be a good student she did much better than he did and consequently has a much better job. Of course some of that can probably be attributed to the fact that she matured faster, which is not uncommon for young females compared to young males. His maturity level seems much higher these days. They are both now 26 years old. He is a very smart young many and has never been lazy. I am sure that he will ultimately do very well.

I suspect that both of these kids, whom I know are gifted would have been better students from an early age if they had been in some kind of gifted education program. It took a lot fo willpower for my daughter to buckle down and do well in college and law school. She was not a good student before that, even though she did graduate high school with honors. During high school I good one mid-term F notice for her and two mid-term D notices (different years), because she didn't do her homework. I didn't get too excited, because I knew she would not let that stand. She received a B in all three of those classes, which is pretty good considering she was failing in 1 case and nearly failing in the other 2 cases. Most of her homework she did in the last minute, even the really big projects. She had developed these bad habits because school was far too easy for her. It is too her credit that she pulled it together and became a pretty decent student, but many people don't. If she had been a good student in high school she cold have gotten a nice scholarship for undergrad school. Her husband, who is slightly smarter was a national merit scholar and did get a hefty scholarship. These kids are very bright, somewhere in the gifted category, but they are not Einstein's and it would have served both of them better if they had had an appropriate education from day one. I am not certain if even an early IQ test would have gotten them the kind of education they needed in the early years, because of where they grew up. There isn't much available like that around here, but it is still well worth looking into for the parents of gifted children.

Many of us fall by the way side, because we coast through school with no effort (yes I was gifted). By the time that I got into late grammar school and high school, they had lost me. I hated school, although I did enjoy some classes. In the early grades I was raring to learn. I went to a couple of good schools for short periods of time during grammar school and I did very well. It was wonderful not being bored to death in school and I loved school. But then after a short time it was back to easy schools and easy As, no effort required. My attention and energy went elsewhere and then I became a teenager. I was in a better school by then, but I had what I considered better things to do than schoolwork. Most of it was just busywork anyway, but they grade you down if you don't do your homework. A few classes were in subjects that interested me and I enjoy them and I learned a lot since at that point I was in very fast paced classes, but otherwise I was not interested in school. They had lost me years ago and it didn't have to be that way. When I was a young child, I loved to learn and there was no subject that didn't interest me. Some teachers in early school where I was bored to death actually tried to tell my parents they had taught me something. What a joke. I was years ahead of what they were teaching, but those teachers were too stupid to realize it. In the better school I went to for a little while, I did skip a grade pretty fast and sometimes my teacher expected more of me than what I was able to do after skipping because I had come from such a poor school system and had no background at all in some of the subjects, like parts of speech and syllables and all of that. Apparently they had started on that the year before and there were some holes, because I was supposed to already know that stuff and it wasn't explained properly, but it didn't matter. I loved school and I put in my best effort, but then in another year, back to being bored to death, When schools teach gifted kids to hate school, do they think they can change that later.

There were at least points of light in my daughter's early education, with both the Gifted and Talented pullout class and also with the Accelerated Reader Program, where at least she could read at her own level. While she may often have been bored in school, at least she didn't learn to hate school, thank goodness although she did learn to be academically lazy. I very much admire her for buckling down and doing well in college and law school.

She did grow up in a different environment than I at home though, one more appropriate for a gifted kid, but many children both gifted and non-gifted have very poor home environments and if the schools fall down on their jobs, then there is a good chance these children will not reach their potential as adults and that is a shame for society as well as for the person, who didn't get a good start.

At least the parents here are interested in their children's future, so let us hope that they can get the educational system to do their part.

Hi there,
Not too sure if you are still accessible in this email. If you are and can help me I am looking to get my 19 year old tested for his iq. I have been told by his school that indeed he is brilliant and a gifted child. In the article all the things you mentioned were very notice me in my son since he was a baby. He is a little genius in maths doing and understand logic just simple by googling. A math GCSE teacher even agreed to tutor him for 6 months to make him appear for his math gcse. However, I wanted him to lead a normal life and so backed out. He is not challenged enough in school and had become very bored as can be told from his attitude. I want to get him tested and see what can be done so that I can get him to perform at his best. Look forward to hearing from you. Regards, Mona

My daughter was very concerned about our grandson, who turned 3 years old 2 weeks a go. The prolem is he does not want to go to school. James, our grandson, even said that he is not ready to go to school. His mother has brought him to numerous schools. All schools require children to be potty trained to be able to placed in schools. James still wear diapers. He wears big boy underware as well to help him to feel uncomfortable if he does it in the underware. He tried to do it, but only once or twice succeeded. So until he is potty trained, he will not be accepted in any schools.

As a grandmother, I had been with him during birth to two full months. As I a newborn, James had been very communicative. He sucked his big thumb very hard to show his mommy that he needed to drink. He was breast fed until 2 months before his baby sister Georgia was born. When he was 31/2 months his parents took him to Bangkok to attend a wedding party. They stay at a 4 star new hotel, we joined them too. We arrivee one day later to babysit James. We stay at a beautiful 5star hotel, when James came to visit us he became very smiley. He either recognized us (I left Melbourne when James was 2 months old) or he just loved beautiful hotel. He laughed a lot at the Oriental Bangkok. He became a star there. Female guests are drawn to him. His smile is infectious. His eyes are bright. The hospital In Melbourne, Australia recommend our daughter, James and Georgia to models for their article about the budget of parenting. It was appeared in the state government's newspaper and magazine.
James, fell in love yesterday. He and Georgia always join the expat kids in the swimming pool area. James showed interest in Didie, a dutch-vietnamese girl. James and georgia Britishchineseduth. James's first tounge is British English. James ran home to pick up his motorcycle to impress the the 2 year old Didie. Later he even came back change his clothes and wore a batman costume and asked me through Skype (I live in Jakarta) whether he looked handsome. Of course I told him what he wanted to hear.
There are a lot more about James than what I just wrote. He is a star in the compound. The guards there loved to talk to him. A guard said he knows more than their 6 year old son.

Our son 5 years 11 months going to kindergarten ii , was given a very brief idea on division two days back .cutting a piece of paper gradually in four pieces . That same day he did some divisions which I gave like 12/6 , so on .today I printed him a worksheet which he selected ,containing 100 divisions . He completed it in 26 minutes with 2 mistakes .even today he wrote 100 verb at his own he kept saying 99 as he wrote one twice and later corrected it . He recently asked me why does cars have head lights thoug streets are lit by lights . He one day looked into the reflection on his dogs eyes and then on my eyes and said yes dogs do see in black and white ,I saw reflections black and white in my dogs eyes .
Is he gifted ?

My grandson just turned nine months. He is already walking and saying a few words other than mama and papa. We heard him speak words unusual for his age when he was about six months. He calls my daughter Tita, which is Aunt in my language. One time we heard him say"Hi, Tita!". Once he said "owtide" for outside while he's standing in front of our glass door.He calls their dog by its name Lola and gets her to come around the front porch by knocking on the glass door and calling out her name.He tries to say car, bird and bear, but just couldn't sound out the r.He's into pointing now. The other day, his dad asked him where I was, he pointed at me and said "Der" Yesterday, his parents were eating tacos and he pointed at it and said taco two times. Is he gifted and how do we nurture it?

All three of our children are gifted. They are now adults in their early 20's.

You'd think that we would have some bragging rights, but their choices don't always reflect their potential.

My daughter is very studious and ambitious. The boys on the other hand, take life as it comes and have dropped out of most of the activities of people their age.

I'm not sure why the boys show little motivation, but I think that things have come so easily for them they exhibit a supreme confidence that they can pull out of a tail spin when they need to.

In school, they would neglect their homework and insist that they'll make it up on the tests --- and they did (every time). It was very challenging not to get upset at their just-enough approach to life.

But their abilities shine through when they find something interesting and I can only hope that they will find something that can raise some passion in them.

Gifted doesn't always mean obvious success, but, I find that my confidence in them is matching their levels. I know that they can do anything if they set their minds to it.

I just wish I could influence them more in that direction. We feel that we have failed to raise them to their potentials, but they are very strong willed and hard to influence.

I think this is common for gifted children who are not challenged from a younger age and drift through life until college when they have to work for the first time. Please make sure your gifted children are challenged in school so they develop good study and work habits!

"Please make sure your gifted children are challenged in school so they develop good study and work habits".

That doesn't work with a great many exceptional people. School in the U.S. is a routine (which you like), and many "gifted" people don't like routines. The reasons that our (and most) school systems are set up this way are all primarily economic and religious; the googs will help you understand that if you have a few spare minutes.

Our society actually depends greatly on people who eschew routine in favor of innovation and creativity. And personal fulfillment. It also depends greatly on people who do routine things. The exceptional can do both, but the average person can't. We have no need to force large minds into small spaces, so why intentionally do so?

We're all going to die. Happiness should be the goal. If Wallace has happy kids, he should rightly find some deep satisfaction in that.

We're all going to die. Happiness should be the goal. If Wallace has happy kids, he should rightly find some deep satisfaction in that.

As two (lazy, high-testing, non-homework-doing) gifted parents, we were determined to make sure that our oldest daughter would not turn out (a slacker) like us. From the time she was a small child, we worked with her teachers to give her extra, challenging work in the classroom. However, this seemed to teach her that being gifted simply meant that she had to do more work. Of course, she rebelled (not like a black-clad motorcycle-riding rebellion, but a nice, passive refusal to do what she was "supposed to"). She is in her last year of highschool, and she is a brilliant, lovely slacker. Her organizational skills are only just beginning to emerge (through great effort on our part). We are pretty sure that she is going to hit the real world and have a wake-up call, like so many people have described in these comments. We are also pretty sure that she's still an amazing and wonderful person, and, though it will be a tough journey for a while, she will eventually find her way and blossom.

We have a younger daughter who is now in second grade. Her teacher has recently brought up the idea of gifted testing, which we expected would be coming soon. So this is our "round two" of how to handle the rearing of a gifted child. One thing that we have noticed this year is that she is thriving in her class. Her personality meshes with her teacher's, the class is structured so that students can progress at their own rate, and there are several peers in the class who are high-achieving if not gifted as well. As far as public schools go, it's an ideal class for my daughter. Also, reading is emphasized, and she LOVES to read. Anyway, long ramble short, considering what we've seen, we're going with a new strategy for kid #2. We're thinking-- yes-- happiness! And the idea that school and learning can be a happy place for a gifted child, with the right strategies and sometimes interventions. It doesn't mean extra work, but flexibility in work. Tons of praise for effort works well for us, rather than focusing so much on the end product, which is usually a given. In short, we're thinking of how to encourage our child's natural curiosity so that she somehow keeps this joy in learning. It's not exactly a clear-cut path, but I think it wins out over the Work, Work, Work Method. In our case study, the WWWM definitely failed.

Worth mentioning, our oldest was in a pull-out program and really enjoyed it, so I don't think it was detrimental, but neither did it save her. If there's a pull-out program available for this one, we will probably try it, so long as she's enjoying it.

Ultimately, no matter what abilities our children have, we should strive for them to be happy, and that does not always mean that they will end up doing what we envision for them.

If anyone out there has some methods that have resulted in children that were happy non-slackers, I would be interested in hearing of them.

This is the single most disturbing question I have ever asked myself. In my current circumstances, I have no reason to prove it, though cannot help but be curious. What do you guys think?
• I began to read at around two and a half to three years of age. My parents never were sure if I simply memorized books, though they would throw a new one in front of me and I would read it fluently without issue. In Kindergarten, I became bored with the tiny picture books, and read at a third-grade reading level. As soon as bigger books became available, I challenged myself by reading the largest I could find. In sixth-seventh grade, my reading scores were near the average Junior’s in High-School.
• By the age of four, I began to teach myself how to multiply, and became rather good at it.
• My computer skills have also been one of my strengths; However, I find that this skill is not exclusive to me, but is shared by the rest of my generation.
• I have always maintained magnificent grades and could count my A-‘s on one hand (probably ;)). I know this does not mean a bit when it comes to determining giftedness, though I feel it is an important characteristic to mention. I suppose I am simply wondering whether or not I am gifted, or just “bright”.
• I often wet the bed until I hit the age of about 6 or 7, and my parents actually rewarded me for going a week without an “incident” occurring (as much as I hate to admit it) I have read that this is something commonly shared amongst gifted children.
• My problem-solving skills are fairly good, often helping teachers with computer issues. Earlier today I attempted to bypass our school’s content filter for our algebra teacher, so we could watch March Madness over our Smart Board. I failed while in class, but am returning tomorrow with knowledge of how to get past that stupid thing!
• I have developed a fairly good long-term memory. Some days I ask questions like, “Remember that one time when I was little...” and they seem to have no recollection whatsoever about what I am talking about.
• Sensitivity has always been an issue with me. I am convinced I have “selective OCD,” as I can be bothered by something as small as a crooked pencil on a desk. Despite this, my room is an absolute disaster!
• I cannot sit still in a classroom. I have to “tap”, and find myself daydreaming. I refocus, only to let it happen once more. This is an endless, meticulous, daily cycle.
• Oftentimes, I don’t just answer the question. I elaborate so much to the point of fellow classmates becoming frustrated with grading my papers. I throw in my own little thoughts on occasion. My answers often leads to new questions
• People tell me... Why do you try so hard? Why bother? I can’t help it. My brain. Its forced to learn, to perfect, to understand. Occasionally, if I don’t understand, I tear up and give up, only to come back and try again, to attempt to perfect once more.
• I have the emotions of a 13 year old yet find solutions to problems my parents cannot. My brain is constantly tearing itself apart, tired of hearing this same old stuff. Meanwhile, I’m learning trigonometry off YouTube. Kids look at me funny when I start talking even mildly intelligently, as if I’m some sort of freak. They almost… take offense, like I’m trying to outsmart them and make them look dumb (though sometimes this is no accident).
• Ever since I was 6 or 7, I read science books, meant for adults, and whoever else could understand them. I read halfway through one of them in a month or so, my parents having to force me to go to bed at night, telling me, “Luke, stop reading and go to bed!” But this was the closest thing I’ve ever felt to being understood. I felt like I was finally being taught something useful, something that… challenged my brain, made me question the things around me. How does this work? What does that do? What if our world is an illusion? Who says it isn’t? Any proof? Trivial facts thrilled me. I jumped on every opportunity available to recite that one stupid thing in a “Ripley’s: Believe It or Not” book I remember reading years ago.
• I feel completely left out in class. Most of my “friends” are girls; though I am convinced I only have two good ones. One is my girlfriend (I know you want to laugh, so just let it out…), to whom I confide with and indulge all my secrets, feelings and wishes. The other was one I met in third grade. I was the first one to come up to him and introduce myself. He is the type of kid that stands up for you, no matter what the odds, as I am occasionally bullied. I guess it may help that he’s mixed and very muscular! Kind of the intimidation factor, I suppose. Since then, we’ve been pretty close.

My parents honestly do not believe I am gifted. My mother was tested with an I.Q. of around 135-140, and is very intelligent. This is beside the point, though. Both of my parents find it ridiculous to have me tested.

I am so frustrated that I can receive no better education than what is offered in my public school district. I fear it is too late to take action, however, as I will soon be entering High-School, forever to be stuck in its ebbs and flows as “just another student.”

Reading your comments, yes, I think you are gifted. I have two daughters, both in GT classes, both in the top 2%.

My Advise: Do well in High School, go to college. Find a way to get there, however you can. It's in college that the fun learning really begins and your talents will sparkle and shine.(You'll also find more people like yourself.)

Nobody should agonize over this as much as you are. The bottom line is that it doesn't get you anything. You seem like a normal freshman to me, and you're definitely over the mid-line on the bell curve. If you really want to find out how far, ask your GC or school psychologist to test you -- but don't do that if you can't afford to be let down. Why not just accept who you are and charge forward, confident that you're who *you* are, and not what someone else has defined you to be?

Hey there. My parents also declined to have me tested once because I surely wasn't gifted! When I did eventually get tested, my IQ also came in around 135-40, which they considered so little above average as to be irrelevant! My high school counselor considered me gifted, I guess (the reason for the test). I am probably straddling the line between gifted and bright. I can empathise with many of the things you've described - I could multiply by a factor of 12 by the time I was 6, and had the reading age of a 12-year-old. I wasn't the best at doing homework, however!

My school district's gifted program was abolished some years before I started secondary school, but a school does not always have to be "for the gifted", in order to be suitable. I went to a school that had a history of being very selective. Many of the kids I know from there qualify as profoundly gifted, and many of the teachers were experienced in working with kids who were high achievers and eccentric in their learning styles, whether or not they had ever been tested or labelled. Of course there were bad teachers as well. But many of the good ones will invest considerable time and effort in you if they sense that you're interested, so don't worry about getting a good education. At any rate there is always the possibility of working on your own, as you're already doing.

I would advise you to aim for college. College is great! You meet a lot of people whose brains work like yours. I felt like my brain was broken for many years because I just couldn't seem to think like other people. But I found in university that there are a lot of people out there who also like to question everything, and who have weird and wonderful ideas.

I have to warn you, however, that I still have problems "answering the question"... During term time I spend about 90% of my time barking up the wrong trees, reading everything that interests me, and then go into a mad rush in the last few weeks trying to address all the learning objectives. For some reason, I continue to do this to myself. It's part of the fun, right? I don't know if your problem extends to writing exams. Mine did! If it does - just remember you're sitting the exam for one reason only ;)

Basically: things will get better. You will meet people like you, especially if you end up in tertiary education. Ask questions even if you don't always get answers...And you don't have to be "gifted" to be gifted. I feel that giftedness is a way of thinking - that you have. Sometimes I feel that it makes life harder, but who knows who I would be otherwise? You are a special snowflake (you!), don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Ok I think my son may be gifted, so now what do I do? My son is a straight A student, athletic, just got nominated in a national art contest. I was thinking about having him tested any suggestions? I'm afraid if I have him tested he will feal different. Don't know quite how to do this. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

Hopefully you're still checking this out from time to time, but my oldest son fits the last paragraph pretty well. His verbal skills are absurd. In the space of two month he went from barely stringing two words together to speaking in six+ word complete sentences. He's always been emotionally aware and communicative about it. We never unsure of how he's feeling. His memory is amazing and he's just barely three and remembers things that transpired months or years ago. His imagination and attention to detail in his imagination is amusing. He's had an imaginary pet hamster 'Henchy' for about a month now. He had two imaginary dogs, 'Kench' and 'Dench', but after nap time one day he couldn't find them and was sad.

My cousin and sister both recently graduated with master degrees in early childhood education and have been teaching preK, k, and 1st grade over the last couple years have commented they think he should be tested. My sister for the longest time said, meh, let him just be a kid, he can always get to advanced schooling in K, 1st etc, but in the last week based off the stories I shared with her and the interactions she's had with him, has had an about face and said that due to his imagination and concept grasping(I was trying to explain a wrecking ball to him and said your hand is like one when you knock over a tower you build and he said, "Dad, ACTUALLY, that's called demolishing"), she thinks he should be tested. He goes to a school oriented daycare one day a week and his 2 year old class teacher said she thinks he should be tested.

So, with all that being said, when I ask them ok I get him tested and he is indeed the little genius he's demonstrating to be, what then? My sister and cousin weren't sure because one is at a private school and the other is in a public school district where they don't have a gifted preschool program. His pediatrician said meh, just keep doing what you're doing and don't worry about it. He has plenty of time to excel in school. I've read a number of places where there's nothing really gained by 'gifted' preschools, but I don't want him to get bored either and start hating school because he can't make any friends because they don't speak as well as him or is bored and starts acting out. Plus as the Dad, I am getting kind of uncertain unsure what to do next at home because milestones are easy/concrete when they're 0-2, but after that it gets more vague.

His 16 month younger brother is showing similar intellectual growth patterns and even more advanced than my oldest did. My 21 month old is already asking why can't he do things and my oldest didn't do that until he was about 2.5. He's almost potty training himself and is even pretending that his stuffed animals have to use the potty and even taking the imaginary play to the conclusion of dumping the baby potty into the adult one and flushing.

I don't know what your name is, because you only identified yourself by the names of your children, but for their sake, I'd say your next move is to relax. You clearly want the best for them. So teach them. It doesn't matter if you send them to private schools or public schools; they'll start to develop their own personalities in either place.

If you really care about teaching them, teach them! Learn yourself! You don't have ponies, you have kids. What is terminal velocity? How ought I be? You know, the basics.

Reading the comments and articles it is hard to know for sure if a child is gifted and guts seem to be just as good as anything else. My son is now almost 5 and he seems more "advanced" than some of our friends kids (all born within 6 weeks). However he goes to a Montessori preschool and most other kids we know do not so we are having a difficult time knowing if he is just knowledge from the school or himself.

However he's been skiing since he was 3, started riding his 2 wheel bike before 4. He is also such a "keener". He tries everything with passion and entouthiasm. He started playing the cello and fell in love with it. He can listen to a tune and reproduce it on his cello.
We speak French at home so he speaks both French and English. His French is remarkable for a child leaving in a english only town.
The reality we only started noticing he seemed "ahead" while comparing with his sister. She is 20 months younger but she always seemed "slower" and then friends and family pointed out that she was the average and not our son.
I am reluctant to have him tested as this age but I want to find the perfect school for him. He needs the challenge as he goes "crazy' when he is bored. From the comments above would you suggest I try to have him in a school for gifted children? Any other school which might fulfill him?
thanks

Don't forget the cello! LOL I want to give a huge THUMBS UP to Tim's reply!

I find many of these posts self-absorbed, especially that almost-highschooler who goes into painstaking detail to describe how AWESOME he is and how much BETTER he is than the rest of these other "regular folks". Come on people. We as a society is pretty sad, our expectations are so much lowered that anyone who's a bit motivated is now labelled "special".
I'm not here to defend or endorse the high-pressure / spoon-feeding educational system in Asia, but many kids in the ultra-competitive environment in Asian countries are expected to:
- write their full names (in 2 languages) by age 3
- do double digit subtraction and addition by 2nd year preschool (3 years old)
- do multiplication by age 6
that's AVERAGE, people.
Reading this far, i only find one genuine post - the father of the 3 gifted young adults. That's the only one with an iota of humility and reality.

I am (or was) that self-absorbed almost-highschooler. Looking back on my post now makes me laugh at my whole 'begging-to-be-gifted' thing. A number will never define me. I want to apologize for that painfully immature (and long) post all you poor people read a year or so ago. I also want to thank you for opening my eyes as to how self-absorbed I really am (

I came across your initial comment as well as this one while researching some ways to best serve my bright and intense seven-year-old son. I thought that your first comment was typical of a possibly gifted over-thinker. As adolescents, we all felt the need to label ourselves as most of us were figuring out who we were/who we wanted to be/who we would be. It is also normal for children and young adults to be self-absorbed (within reason). I'm glad that you have learned some things about yourself since your first comment but you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Anyone who would try to make a kid feel bad about himself is a jerk and doesn't deserve your time.

I believe my son is gifted. He is in the 3rd grade and has been recommended by 2 teachers so far to be tested. Both teachers have said he is off the charts in school. He has one of the highest reading levels in school, which is currently a 6th grade reading level. He constantly wins awards such as young authors for his writing ability. Math is his favorite subject and he has been multiplying for over a year now. I have gotten him tested in the school and they say he is bright but doesn't fit the gifted standard. The problem I have is that they asked me if I was on reduced lunch and if I was on reduced lunch he would make it into the gifted program. What does it matter what my income level is to see if my child is gifted or not? They told me that because I have a higher income than most (which I am just over the limit of reduced lunch, so by any means I am not "rich") I have better resources than those parents who are not. I have noticed that the children who are not on reduced lunch get their children tested outside the school for $300. I have been told if children are tested outside the school, they make it into the program. I have also noticed the kids that get tested in the school who are in the gifted program are on free or reduced lunch. A teacher actually told me a score of another student and he scored lower than my child but because he is on reduced lunch he got into the program and my child did not. How do I get my child tested and know the test is valid. I just want a straight answer.

My experience is that teachers love to find kids like yours. There's a funding bias against kids who are "above the bar" generally, but it would be illegal for your son's school to discriminate against him on that basis as the funds are already allocated.

Have you considered the possibility that the assessment process is fair and that your son simply does not meet the criteria? It's common for 3rd graders to be shy; most 3rd graders (at some point in that school year) 'get it' and become interested in above-grade literature. They may not be recognized for it, because they're shy. And most 'gifted' people understand multiplication and division (even if not formally, but conceptually) well before second grade.

Is it possible that your son is an extrovert and is just exhibiting abilities that are normal for his age, but uncommonly displayed?

Why are you so mad? Is it possible that you're insisting on a 'straight answer' when you already have one? Why does it matter so much to you?

If this is actually the case, that there are children who otherwise would not qualify who are getting accepted into the gifted program based on low income...well, who wants to be there, anyway? Is the program really all that much better? I doubt it. The "poor" kids are dragging down the program in the name of fairness. Ditch the idea - if you are really interested in having your son excel, give him the gift of a customized one-on-one education. Homeschool.

My son was tested in kindergarten for giftedness. There is a percentile cut off. He missed the cut off by one percent. At the time I laughed when the tester was apologetic. My attitude was, so your telling me my child is bright, why should I be disappointed?

I admit I was fairly dubious about the testing at that age because I found his performance highs and lows to be fairly drastic in Kindergarten as he hadn't really outgrown the need for a nap. I know that the social segregation that can be part of a gifted program is not always good and I could see that in order to succeed he had to learn to socialize with peers better.

He is in grade 3 now. Many of the problem behaviors classic to gifted children are apparent and though I wasn't sold on the program when he was in kindergarten, I completely understand now that gifted children are often special needs. His printing is deplorable, slow, and has started to impede his learning. He has trouble organizing his written work to communicate his ideas. He has few friends and is continually dealing with bullying which I believe is at least in part due to socialization issues. He is reading at about a grade 6-8 level. Is at least a year or two ahead mathematically. He still will devour information that interests him.

His current teacher is not good for him. I need outside resources.

I want re-testing done and I think he needs to be in a gifted program regardless of score. Is there anything I can do to either help boost his score or get him help outside of the school system? I may not need to boost his score but I need to support him. The current school system is creating regression issues.

Your son's in 3rd grade now (almost 4th!), so it's likely that he has developed an idea, even if it's just a fantasy to him, of how he'd like his world to be. Why not ask him? One of the nice things about gifted kids is that they develop autonomy early. He'll probably appreciate your asking.

You may not be able to realize his fantasy, but by talking to him as a person about what he wants, you'll meet well over half of his needs. It's amazing to me how many parents discount the emotional component of cognitively complex kids.

The best thing you can do is to find a way to send him to a private school that specializes in gifted kids. That's probably not possible since it sounds like you're a single mom with limited resources (time, money, attention).

That's not the end of the world, though. Find a summer kids' program at your local university that he likes, and that he picks. You need to help him find something that interests him, and then provide him with support of that interest.

Many advanced kids feel very comfortable alone -- until they don't. Stoke and support his interests even if they don't include you, and be ready with your net of love and support when he needs you. Don't tie your approval of him or your interest in him to his reciprocation.

Whatever you do, support him both emotionally and intellectually, and don't discount the emotional part. If he's not normal intellectually, as you say, don't force him into "normal" emotional molds. If there was a separation from his dad, it will be bigger for him than it was for you. Don't underestimate that.

He's perfect as he is. He's exactly the way he was meant to be. You're both already successful.

I have felt as though I'm gifted for a fairly long time, and really want to know If I really am. I have almost everything in common with the gifted traits above, and I have been tested before but when I did, I was in grade 3 and was told that the test was for the government, and wouldn't effect anything for me, or my grades. Looking back I would definetely have treated the test differently. As I beleived that the test was for the government's benefits, I thought it was best that I take the test slow and make sure that every answer was right, while the test was actually meant to see how quickly you can answer hard questions. I never heard anything back about my test results, thus I was not considered gifted. Later on as I reached grade 5-6 I could never stop thinking. For months, to nearly a year I cried each night, for I couldn't clear my mind of all my worries.I would constantly think about all the "bad" things that I did. That list consisted of anything from coughing into my hand rather than my elbow, to accidently bumping into someone. I couldn't handle it anymore and finally decided to speak to my parent's about it. I saw a psychologist and he suggested that I was gifted. Ever since than I have been curious. I still-- on occasion-- see a psychologist, but have not followed up with the gifted test, in fear that I would be again considered not gifted. Please let me know if you think that I am because that might help me either believe I am, or have the confidence to take a test. Thank you!

Hi. You must be 15 by now...and some of what you say sounds like my daughter whom has just done a learning diagnostic test at high school, and told that she is gifted in some areas.
She constantly thinks, drives her crazy, and keeps her awake. Doesn't find school easy as is super sensitive, and always thinks students are judging her when she gets the bus to and from school. Hope you are finding life a lot easier. We have even thought of changing schools as she is at a co-ed school, and thinks a single sex school would be easier. She can't shut out any stimulation while learning, so probably wouldn't make a lot of difference.

My father is a genius and told me, when I was in the first or second grade that I was 1 IQ point short of being a genius like him. My IQ was 159. I annoyed my family by asking questions endlessly about everything. When I was five or six my mom used to invite friends over to listen to me talk at length about my dreams and imaginary friends. They joked that it would take me an hour to explain everything that happened in one dream. I struggled at school because if something didn't interest me, I would just doodle and daydream. I was sometimes called a genius and sometimes called retarded. I had a mix of A's in the courses I liked and near failing grades or Bs and Cs in those I didn't. When I finally decided to make an effort in all my classes I learned that I enjoyed every subject, received straight As, skipped a grade, and graduated from high school a year early.

Now as an adult I have a list of graduate degrees from highly regarded Universities. I feel confident I can excel in any subject or area of study that interests me. I look back now and wish someone had recognized that I was gifted, though, because I was bored out of my mind for most of elementary school and high school. I was the class clown when I was young, always being sent to the principle's office. In high school I often cut class. I was made fun of, and learned to downplay my abilities. In high school, at the age of 13, most of my friends were college students. By college, I felt I related better to professors and non traditional students. I finally feel at home as an academic, although I will probably never get over being somewhat socially awkward.

I think I was never considered for gifted classes because I was a trouble maker and attended a crummy public school. I have a child of my own now and want to make sure he has better opportunities than I did, especially if he is also gifted. I know from experience that in some ways being gifted makes life easier, because a world of possible career paths is open to you, but socially, it can be very hard, especially as a girl and woman. It is a curse and a blessing, but mostly a blessing. I still love learning, and I love my job (as a scientist).

My school tested me to see if I was gifted when I was in third grade. Unfortunately, I got chicken pox, and the test was very shortly after I had recovered. When the results came back they were inconclusive, I have a very high IQ but was too exhausted to comprehend some of the questions (according to the letter, not my own opinion, though this was the same week I came back, and I had been sick for months, so I agree that I was tired.) There was no follow up test. Two others in my class were tested, a boy and another girl. The boy did not make it, and the girl I never got to ask. It doesn't matter to my parents, but because I never got a real answer it has been haunting me, I wish I never got that letter. To anyone who reads this, please don't put your kids through that. It's been driving me nuts that I don't even know, and if I mention it to anyone they always expect a lot more from me, I feel like I'm letting my parents down for not being better, even though they support me and haven't said anything. I say don't get your kids tested, it shouldn't affect how you see them or how they preform, just let them be themselves and let them be great without the pressure.

hi all my 4.6yrs daughter yesterday told me that if u want me to scold everyday than why did you gave birth to me and i know becouse you love papa I reach into your tummy.Now what does that means. Every day she asks me sweveral question and always asks WHY WHY in every question that why i should do this why are you doing this etc.

Now that the school has identified my son as gifted, I am worried that I will do something that would negatively affect his gift. Should I do anything? Should I expose him to more/less, or should I just follow along with his interests? What do other parents do?

We need to act in order to change the legislation. Gifted kids have unique educational needs, and that should qualify them for IEPs. I have petitioned my state (Maryland) Department of Education. I would really appreciate if you could sign to support it:

We need to act in order to change the legislation. Gifted kids have unique educational needs, and that should qualify them for IEPs. I have petitioned my state (Maryland) Department of Education. I would really appreciate if you could sign to support it: