I saw your ad on television and think I could use your services. I am writing in response to a few occurrences that took place recently.

After extensive research I am fairly certain that my house is being haunted by a tea drinking ghost that calls himself Roger. At first it was kind of funny having a ghost around the house.

But now Roger has been showing up at the most inopportune times. Yesterday I was feeding my pet fish Günter, he is a goldfish. Roger turned the lights down low and put on a Frank Sinatra record at full volume. I nearly jumped out of my shoes!

Here are places I think he likes haunting:

-My kitchen cabinet

-My basement

-The exercise machine in my study

-My study

-I have even seen him using my shower with me!!!

If this is something you think is up your alley please drop me a line. Please get rid of Roger or least talk to him for me. He is driving me mental!!! Money is no object.

Thanks,

Brad Fith

***

How are you I would love to give you my insight. Let me know when you want me to read for you C#### ###-949-####

Thank you for your prompt response. Sorry it took so long to get back to you but I thought maybe we had gotten rid of Roger ourselves by using our new found interest in religion. We used a Ouija board and everything. It is usually around the time I start thinking everything is all right things go terribly wrong.

Here is what happened:

I cracked open an ice cold bottle of Jack Daniels and sat down on the couch. Before I knew what was happening I was lost in an episode of Meerkat Manor. I was focused. Nothing is more important to me than that show. It was a cool, perfect evening. My wife was out, in the woods hunting. I knew that there was nothing between me and the television.

Of course my joy never lasts. At 17 minutes and 36 seconds into the episode, out of nowhere, I heard a loud crash coming from the bedroom. The windows shook. I could feel the blood pumping to my head, my cheeks burned. I couldn't breath. My heart stopped as I jumped to the floor. I was crippled from terror. Scrambling, my first reaction is that my newly shaven French poodle Larry may have been the culprit but as my eyes focused to the dark I noticed Larry was on the couch next to me eating a Frito Lay pork rind.

I composed myself and tiptoed quietly down the dimly lit hallway. My heart was pounding and I was sure the episode would end in disaster. My hand shook as I opened the door to the bedroom. It creaked as the room opened up to my view. Roger!

Shocked, he spun to look at me. I stood speechless as I looked at Roger. He was wearing pair of my wife’s purple pantyhose. His eyes were wide open. He was panicked and as white as a ghost. I don't think he knew anyone was home. With a gasp, he sprinted through a wall and was gone into the night.

Why would he wear my wife's pantyhose?!?! I don't want him to do that!!!! That's disgusting. My wife wears them almost every day! Sure enough when I went to look for them they were no were to be found. It turns out Roger is a pervert. What kind of luck is that?

I am actually in St. Charles. What times do you have available? I don't know if I can take one more day of this.

Sincerely,

Brad Fith

***

Hi Brad, I will go in to these things give me a call ###-###-####. I will read for you by phone or in person. Talk to you real soon.

C####

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About This Site

Brad Fith started writing these letters in 2001 while working as a janitor for a comedy club in a St. Louis Suburb. Over the course of about 2 years, he'd spend a few hours a day using the club's stationary to write thousands of hard copy letters to countless celebrities, politicians, customer service departments, newsmakers and various other organizations and individuals that he found interesting or easy to anger.

He was of course fired. I wasn't there but I assume the conversation went like this, "You've cost me $10,000 in stationary and you're not even that good at cleaning toilets. Please leave before the police arrive."

Around this time his fiance left him for a his best friend, his comedy act was rejected in all 50 states and Brad discovered email. He more-or-less slowly turned into a full blown loon.

To make a long story short, enjoy this deceptively funny and subversive mayhem. These emails are REAL correspondence to REAL people. These are their genuine reactions to ridiculous questions, concerns, pointless stories and rants. All email addresses were previously published by the owner. Some names have been altered or deleted entirely.