Jaxon! A suitable follow-up for a couple who named their first son Camden. This time, they went slightly less L.L. Bean catalog and a little more Key and Peele, which is a creative choice I can respect.

Nah, there are about 7 Jacksons, 4 Jaxons, 3 Wyatts, 3 Camdens, 5 Bradens, and 14 other names ending in “m” or “n” in my son’s elementary school. Kids with names like “John” and “Dave” are the ones that will get bullied.

@Sill: I think (think, mind you) that Chubby is saying he made the deal when #1 Son (the 3 y.o.) was born so that he could have sole discretion on naming #1.

At that point, #2 was, shall we say, a conditional draft pick- who knows if there would even be a second kid, so based on Jimmie Johnson’s Baby Naming Trade Value Chart, it might have been a good deal. Especially if Chubby was set on some godawful family-tradition name like Orson or Vernon.

Or maybe he was playing a horrific game of chicken, betting that his wife wouldn’t have the cruelty to saddle #2 with a terrible name like Jaxson. In which case that fucker lost badly.

@Electric Mayhem,
You are correct, I wasn’t sure I was gonna slip another past the goalie. Named the first one something normal in my eyes.
@Sill, I like to think compromise is a better word for the situation. As noted by Cuntler, names such as Jackson and it’s variations are now the norm, so all I can do is thank Jeebus that my little one didn’t wind up being named JaXXXyNn

I watched ‘Pacific Rim’ the other night, god knows why, and was quite pleased to see that Jax Teller, even in the far future and in the face of global extinction caused by an interdimensional invasion, continues to browalk everywhere he goes.

This name makes sense, considering Jaxon DeVille and Jaxson Cutler will be around for about the same amount of time, with the former being eliminated by his team’s rebranding upon its move to London, and the latter being elminated by polio.

Kristin: “How about ‘Jackson’ for a name?”
Jay: “Too long. Don’t wanna spend all that time writing it on forms” /stretches in sunlight
Kristin: “What about with an ‘x’ in the middle instead?”
Jay: “Fine, I guess. Whateverrrrrr” /purrs while rubbing against Kristin, falls asleep

“Mr. & Mrs. Cutler, I have bad news and good news.”
“Doctor, please…give us the bad news first.”
“Well, ok…your son has a severe case of autism.”
“What??? How could that be??? We didn’t even…ok, ok, what’s the good news?”
“Due to his advanced German Measles, he’ll be dead long before school’s a problem.”

FAN-SELF-PITY TANGENT: I’d like to thank Marcell Dareus for being a tremendous, epic fuck up. Not enough that Ralph’s dead. Not enough that Jim Kelly is in a bad place. Not enough, apparently, that the team might get sold to Trump or some other fuckwit ego-drunk billionaire who will move it to Goodell-knows-where. NOT ENOUGH THAT OUR OWN DAMN CHEERLEADERS HATE THE DAMN TEAM FOR TELLING THEM HOW TO CLEAN THEIR VAJAYJAYS!

No.

You had to go and fuck up the BEST DAY OF THE ENTIRE FUCKING YEAR, the football equivalent of Christmas Eve, by getting busted. And not just any bust, but a felony charge. So we can expect our sieve-like run defense to somehow get even worse for 4-6 games, BECAUSE YOUR FAT ASS COULDN’T SPEND ONE FUCKING SECOND AWAY FROM YOUR BONG AND BRICK OF OPIUM OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS!!!!! YOU JUST MADE YOUR FIRST PRO BOWL AND YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO HAVE ONE OF YOUR “BOYS” TRANSPORT THAT SHIT?!?!?!? GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!11