In which our hero talks about video game ads he has scanned from old comic books.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

"Dynowarz", NES, 1990.

Howdy ho there! I wrestled a bit after the last post with perhaps scanning and sharing the front cover to the tragical Star Control novelization Interbellum, apparently written by someone who had never played the games, evidence of the most recent attempt to capitalize on that franchise up to the present, but then I thought -- why wallow in the negative when I could post something totally awesome?

Dynowarz: Destruction of Spondylus

Power the Mighty Robot Dinosaur, Cyborasauruson a Mission to Save the Spondylus System!

(I know, were they planning the design document for Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon all the way back in 1990?)

Can you believe someone got paid to draw that? I would have done it for free. (In fact, in Grade 2, inspired by a Deathlok comic, I did draw a cyborg dinosaur... more riveted plate metal, less shiny chrome.)

Sadly, the ad artwork (also the box art) is the end of the awesomeness here: apparently the game is more of a weiner than the winner suggested by the artwork. There's some Blaster Master business of switching from a small avatar to a large mecha on the same scale level -- apparently the mecha is shaped like a giant robot dinosaur, as are the opponents, so I was always a bit confused regarding the exchange depicted in the art, which appears to show the player smacking down his own ride.

Yes, the names are abysmal: Spondylus? ("A genus of bivalve molluscs") Cyborasaurus? The other names that didn't make it into the ad just add to our miseries: The enemies are Robosaurs and the big boss is Dr. Brainius. Maybe it sounded better in Japanese.