Tuesday, January 29, 2013

So I've had what can only be described as the world's loudest Superbowl Halftime show/Monster Truck Jam/any Russel Crowe movie that involves lots of fighting/swords and very little hygiene stomping through my skull since....oh, Thursday.

It is the living worst.

And I REFUSE to be a person who gets migraines. I simply refuse. I've tried everything from chiropractic to inexplicable doses of caffeine to sinus meds to massage and nothing makes the pulsating in my eyeballs go away. In what can only be described as my greatest move of desperation, I also went to the hippie dark side and had Joe rub lemongrass oil on me. The result? I smelled like Pledge and still had a headache. So that was helpful.

I'm giving my beloved chiropractor two more days, and then I'm seeing a "real" doctor. I'm sure she'll only want to medicate me and not actually find the source of the problem, which is very uncool. But I will not say no to some Valium, let's be clear on that.

And because you read the above and wasted 3-5 minutes of your life depending on your reading level, here's what you really come here for:

And also, this:

I get the message, mall marketing people. I really do. But if you're specifically catering to young people, you can't use double entendres. You just can't.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Like any 3 year old boy, Alex loves pretty much anything on wheels. And bigger is better with this boy, for sure.

On Sunday, his imagination was running wild about trains. Everything was a train. He wanted to watch train movies and play train games. And then he asked to see a train. A REAL train.

Joe came up with the brilliant idea to see when the Amtrak stopped in Royal Oak, a neighboring city. The coolest thing about the Royal Oak "station" is that it's not really a station at all. It's a sidewalk with a bench, and you just walk up and walk on. As a result, bystanders can get up close and personal to the trains.

He checked online and there was a stop at 6 p.m., so we bundled up and headed out. Sure enough, at 6 p.m. on the dot, the train stopped at the station. We stood on the sidewalk waving and the conductor actually opened the window and waved to Alex--talk about special! My smart little guy even knew it was a bullet train. Thank you, Choo Choo Soul. I kind of feel bad about secretly hating you. Only kind of, though.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

In a rather unconventional twist, Dad and I had a little date last weekend. We didn't go to a Daddy/daughter dance. We didn't go to shoot pool, or even shopping.

We shot guns.

First, let me say that this was MY idea. It was part of his Father's Day gift, it just took us forever to actually go do it. Partially because we are busy people, and partially because I was legitimately scared shitless. I hate guns. I'd never held one, shot one, or even HEARD one shot in real life from "up close." And for the record? It's nothing like the movies.

We got the world's fastest lesson and safety update from the folks at the range. It's the largest (and safest) in Michigan, so I figured we'd get more than "Here's how to load it. Don't aim it at people. Wear these goggles and ear protection. And have a nice day." But legitimately, that's what we got.

Terrified, we headed into lane 2 and got our inner badasses on. We were totally out of our element and surrounded by people who clearly knew we didn't belong. But this was a lesson on empowerment and bravery, and I wanted to conquer my fears. So, like any good actress slash drama queen, I pretended like I owned the place.

However, I'm not exaggerating when I say that it took me probably 45 seconds holding the 9mm handgun in the air, pointed at the fake robber target just 25 feet away, finger trembling on the trigger, to actually fire the thing.

But then I did.

And you know what? It wasn't scary. It was actually very....impressive. To know your own strength, and the power of something so small, but so capable of changing the world in an instant, is something very powerful.

I'm still not a fan of guns. But I am a fan of my own power and willingness to embrace a fear and learn something new.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Although you never, ever need an excuse to have a kickass party, sometimes it's nice to have one. Take, for instance, the #VW3040--otherwise known as the most epic event of 2013.

On Saturday we gathered 40 of our dearest friends and family and had the BEST time celebrating our entrance into two very distinguished decades. There were drinks, foods, prizes, shenanigans and best of all...a dollar store "photo booth."

I think we'll do this again for the #VW4050 (OMG it lierally hurt me to type that) but I think we'll be in Mexico. On the beach. Wearing a sombrero. Drinking tequila. The sombrero and tequila will carry over from the #VW3040.