It’s not for lack of trying, mind you. For about a year I’ve been regularly reaching out to Alison’s people to try to book her for a live discussion with readers — like the one Joel McHale did so wonderfully last week (Love u, Joel!) and Jim Rash did last year — or to have her do an UPROXX 20. So far, our efforts have proven frustratingly fruitless. WHY WON’T YOU RETURN ANY OF OUR CALLS OR TEXTS, ALISON?! Have we creeped you out? We probably creeped you out. :(

Look, Alison, we’re harmless. I promise. Collectively we only have a handful of restraining orders out against us at any given time, and all of those, I assure you, are the result of simple misunderstandings. So come hang with us some time, won’t you? We helped to make you for the love of God!

Look, there’s no website on the internet that showers you and Community with more love and adoration. A kiss on the cheek would be nice. That’s all we’re asking. Joel already let us down easy as for the hopes of anything greater.

(Thinks about what could have been. Sighs.)

So have your people get in touch with us, okay? BTW you looked very pretty on the Daily Show last night, but you’d look even prettier on UPROXX. JUST SAYING!!!

We just have to prove that we are capable of asking legitimate questions rather than asking stupid “will you be my girlfriend oh my god you are so cute how do you deal with it” type of shit. I’m totally serious, too.

When you think about it the whole thing has to be a bit weird for actors and actresses like Joel McHale, Alison Brie, and Timothy Olyphant. I can’t imagine having people I don’t know .gif-ing me. It’d be awesome, but a little unnerving.

Come on Alison, throw us a bone. We’ll be gentle. I just want to know what your favorite cartoon of the 80’s and rap album of the 90’s are. And if I’m not being too forward I might ask vice versa. I’ll even put on a tie before I type out my questions. Because I have nothing but love and respect for you girl. For real.

I posted on the what to watch post this morning but her appearance last night can only be categorized as a DUD. The Community clip they played was McHale being funny and her being an accessory. Then she spends the whole thing babbling about her band, uncomfortably laughing at her own jokes while the audience sits in silence. It was completely uncomfortable to watch. The only time they laughed is when Jon made a joke at the end and she couldn’t remember her own plugs.

Being that this was the first time I’ve seen her in anything…outside of tits, I don’t know what you guys obsess over with this girl.

…the more interviews I see of Alison Brie, the harder it is to find her interesting. I mean, she’s adorable and SO hot and adorable and awesome when she’s in character, and on paper she SHOULD be fascinating, but whenever I see an interview I’m all “…that’s it?”