I have another concern regarding my son's action. My parents and I noticed that my son started "hitting somebody's head", I think after his birthday (he's 15months old now). Every time he saw someone in the bed, he will start hitting that person or pull that someone's hair. He also did that to me more than twice, every time he saw me sleeping. One day he hit me in the head using the remote control or sometimes his feeding bottle - and it really hurts! I was very angry actually that time, and every time I saw him doing it to other person, I'm always trying to tell him "No that's bad!", but he keep doing it. My grandma (my mum's mum) told me to let him do it because he still didn't know what is that about,,, but I think that's not right and need to be correct while he's still young. I don't want to let him think until he grow up that hitting someone is just fine.

Can anyone help me about my situation on how to handle my son? Thank you so much!

Sincerely,
Ays

20th April 2012, 02:09 AM

ljmarsden

Hi Ays,

My little boy does this sometimes - particularly when he wakes up and sees me: he is excited and doesn't mean to hurt me. I just say 'that hurts mummy' and move him away from my head. But I don't tell him he is 'naughty' or 'bad' as it is just his behaviour (not him) which I don't like. Also, at 15 months I believe it is too young to say further than this.

Hope this helps,

LJ

21st April 2012, 01:13 AM

AysLittleManMomi

I love your suggestion LJ,,, You're right. I will not mention it again to my boy.. Maybe he'll stop doing it if I will tell that to him... Thanks again.. Really appreciate all your responses.... :)

21st April 2012, 01:28 AM

mom2many

My little ones did this as well, as LJ stated it was more out of excitement than anger or some desire to injure. It is pretty normal behaviour and I agree that the best course of action is gentle redirection or just letting him know that it hurts. Chances are that he will grow out of it in a few months if you do not make too big of a deal out of it, thereby giving him attention and reinforcing the negative behaviour.

Best of luck!
Angela

22nd April 2012, 02:27 AM

5Homebirths4Kate

If your child is simply doing it out of excitement and not anger, I would agree with Laura-Jane and Angela. However, if you sense that your child is doing it purposefully to hurt (to get a reaction, even if it's a negative reaction) then I'd definitely try to stop the behavior.

We know that anything that happens to us that has a deeper emotional connection impacts us more deeply than those things that don't. If my husband asks me kindly to clear off a messy counter, I may quickly forget to do it because it's not as important to me as it is to him. But if he asks me to do it every day for a week, and he finally "blows up" over the fact that I have just ignored his kind promptings all week long, that outburst impacts me emotionally (I'm a sensitive person) and you can bet that the next time my husband kindly asks me to clean off the counter, I'll remember what happened the first time and will be more motivated to do it right away in order to avoid another outburst.

It also works in a positive way. You can probably remember the first time you kissed your husband or a special boyfriend. Yet you may not be able to remember the last time you kissed him because usually the first kiss is much more emotion filled and as time goes on, the kisses become less meaningful in comparison to the first.

So if my child were doing something that I knew was purposefully trying to hurt someone (hitting someone on the head with a hard object like a remote, pulling someone's hair) I would make a big deal about it. Now, mind you, this is what I do and what works really well for me in training my children, but it may not be what you choose to do. It's just another idea of how to stop bad behavior.

I would overreact, not in a harsh, angry, "you're a bad boy" way, but overreact in how the action hurt me or the other child. "Ouch, that hurt Mama" (using larger "drama" than normal) and then I'd put on my sad face and a soft "you hurt my feelings" cry and sniffle). I would do this and watch my child's face to see how it is emotionally impacting them (sometimes I'd see the corners of their mouth would turn down). If they show remorse, sadness over what they did, then I know that I've impacted them emotionally and they will remember how their "hitting or pulling hair" really hurts others. Then when I sense that they are sorry for what they did, I pick them up and hug them and very quickly I'm happy again and we go on with our day.

You can also do this if he pulls someone else's hair. You respond dramatically by saying "Ouch! That hurt her. I won't let you do that." Then give the other child lots of love and hugs and say "I'm so sorry that happened to you." I don't show the child who did the hurting any attention at that point. All of my affection and attention is on the one who got hurt. After the one who got hurt is "okay" again, I look to the one who did the hurting to see if there are any signs of remorse and then I'll ask him to give her a hug (the one who hurt gives the one he hurt a hug). Usually the one who got hurt will be very willing to hug back.

Again, this may not be for you, but it was very effective in our family for stopping wrong behavior at a young age.

Warm Regards,

Kate

23rd April 2012, 08:38 PM

Bridge85

My daughter started doing it after her first birthday aswell and she seems to has stopped now. do really know what the cause was but glad she stopped because she only did it to me and not to her father.

Bridgette

23rd April 2012, 11:31 PM

5Homebirths4Kate

I remember my children doing kind of a "pat pat" with their hand on my face when they were about 13 months. Sometimes it hurt, but it wasn't intentional and it didn't happen on a regular basis.