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Thursday, June 26, 2014

No More Awkward Holding Places

Last summer, I was stuck in a weird holding place. That picture isn't the weird holding place. But it's the location where I spent most of my time thinking about the weird holding place that I was in. You know what I mean? That place where you don't know what to do with your life? That place where you feel like something big needs to happen but you don't know what? That place where you feel stuck, bored and miserable and don't know where you should go next or what moves you should make? I felt "finished" in Boston, if that makes sense. I had accomplished everything that I wanted to accomplish career wise. I had a great full-time job that I had quit to pursue comedy and then I pursued comedy and directing and teaching and I had just done it all. I checked everything off my list! But I didn't feel content, as if I had accomplished my goals and that was that - that was just the way I was going to live my life! I wanted more, but didn't know what moves or steps to take to get there. It was an awful and uncomfortable place that brought a LOT of stress to my life and relationships. I literally thought about it (and talked about it) all day, erry day... it was the only thing consistently on my brain. The worst part was that talking to people about it was actually worse because it would just make me more stressed. Everyone else's opinions made it harder because they'd pile on more options and it would just make my brain explode.Then, I finally just said "FUCK IT" and decided on Los Angeles. I had ZERO knowledge of how it would work out. I didn't even have a clear plan. I just thought, "I know that I want to move, I know I'm looking for a new challenge and I'm going to choose the location 3,000 miles away to take that on." Now, six months into living here, everything is fine. I don't have that constant "What's next?" going on in my brain. I'm adjusted to life in California. Everything has worked out and I have a plan! I feel reinvigorated with creativity and hopes and dreams and it doesn't feel as daunting or scary or HARD as before. I'm so glad I'm out of that awkward holding place! I'm so glad I don't have any major life decisions to make anymore. It feels so damn good. So, if you're stuck in one yourself - here's a piece of advice: make a decision and stick with it. Say it out loud. Let people know what's going on. Don't ask if it's what you should do, tell them it's what you're going to do. There will be naysayers, there will be opinions and harsh realities that go with it - but when all is said and done, you made a proactive decision to move your life forward. And once it's done, it's done. Your life is moved forward. What's the harm in that?