I'm in the process of recovery from anorexia and I'm gaining weight but not coping with it. I've found myself self harming now and using alcohol to cope with the weight gain, numb my emotions, and silence the critical chatterbox that is in my head 24/7. I'm constantly having suicidal thoughts and yet I REALLY don't want to die. I'm sinking into a deep depression and my anxiety has reached intolerable levels. Any advice on how to deal with any of these issues would be greatly appreciated.

hopeandrecovery wrote:I'm in the process of recovery from anorexia and I'm gaining weight but not coping with it. I've found myself self harming now and using alcohol to cope with the weight gain, numb my emotions, and silence the critical chatterbox that is in my head 24/7. I'm constantly having suicidal thoughts and yet I REALLY don't want to die. I'm sinking into a deep depression and my anxiety has reached intolerable levels. Any advice on how to deal with any of these issues would be greatly appreciated.

I'm on the autism spectrum (very late diagnosis) and I've had to cope with anxiety and depression most of my life - and only now are things starting to improve - and autism and anorexia are often closely linked. Emotionally you might not like the idea of gaining weight, but rationally I'm sure you know that for you it's a good thing. You need to find safer ways of coping with anxiety, rather than risky ways. Also try to identify the triggers, and as far as possible try to avoid them. Really work on it, and don't give up. Email me if you want on lamposatmaildotmd but please don't give up. Think of all the good and beautiful things about life and concentrate on those; think of those who care for you and love you, and strive to live your life well and to the full. It can be hard work but it'll be worth it. x

Thank you so much for understanding and your great insight to this debilitating illness, I know I have so much to live for, but it's just so hard trying to cope with e everything that I was avoiding whilst in my anorexic bubble like emotions e.t.c. however, I will never give up.x

HiI m suffering from anorexia too. But recently I ve deteriorated.You are very brave.I am all alone with this disease and it is very hard.I really understand you and what you are going through.I have suffered from an most of my adult life (now 20 years) with a 3 year break - when I had a relatively normal (close to) weight.You are lucky and don't give up. This illness takes away everything. Everything.Fight for your life. I am trying too.xxx

Sorry to hear how you're feeling. I think it's time to hit the reset button. Focus on your recovery from anorexia, and be patient with results - you didn't develop this mental illness in a day, so don't expect it to be fixed in a day! Self harming and self-medicating with alcohol are in fact making things worse, and it looks like you feel like things are out of your control - but to compensate by exercising control over these two activities is actually causing you more problems and making this whole mess worse! Just like your recovery from anorexia needed you to accept that you have an eating disorder and accept the right help, you need to realise that depending on self harm and alcohol to numb your emotions is a problem that needs professional help to rectify. There is plenty of help, be that medication, counselling or therapy, on hand to help you. The real question, how much do you actually want to recover, and resolve these issues?x