Sunday, December 27, 2009

Play Safe

"Shit! You're a top huh? You're a top??" The guy was running his fingers across my crack.

"Uh huh, Uh huh,"

"Can I?"

"Ah eh, Next time na lang dude..."

"I want it now..." Forcing his lips unto mine, he thought my resolve to give in to his wishes would get stronger.

"Next time..."

"I want it now."

"Next time, fuck mo ako kahit all night pa."

"Hindi ako lalabasan nito eh."

There must be something in him that was truly irresistable for me to leave the bar and follow him across the street to reach his car. Surely, it must not have been his looks. He was attractive and all, but I've slept with better-looking guys this year alone. It must not have been our conversation, for though I spent the whole night listening to his drunken preach on how he found happiness inside the box called life, we still don't find any connection. If there was a reason for the chase, then perhaps it was his brusque appeal which captured my imagination. The bar was teeming with young boys and feminine men last night that for him to stand next to the exit and drink his beer without any care in the world was truly a fascinating sight.

How I found myself inside the trunk of a Toyota Fortuner - with the sun about to burst through the clouds - will remain a question unresolved. Who would have thought Malate could still reveal undiscovered capillaries for someone who has known the place like the veins and arteries of his arms. Steam rising from our sweaty bodies has fogged the windows. We could hear gay people talking about their escapades as they passed near the vehicle, while we who were making out in the trunk wouldn't care a thing whether we get caught or not. Had I been much, much younger and the world much, much safer, the decision whether to let him enter or not would have been easier.

The thing about sex is the wilder it gets, the more it becomes unforgettable. There is immortality in intimacy.

But I choose to play safe - not for me - but for the one who might show up one day and stay over not just for lust but for the joy of having someone watching your back. I have not given up. As for the act of prissiness I showed this morning, it will come a long way. It will leave a bad impression on my playmate and my name would be passed around to serve as a warning for those searching for some fast (and risky) love.

Its sad to note that while more and more people get sick, many others will choose the unsafe passage to satisfy their cravings for lust. Barebacking lives on and from where I drew the line, others would simply cross without much thought of tomorrow.

We parted ways with his handkerchief in my pocket, (which I tossed in the dustbin after arriving home) a cigarette burnt mark on my right hand and a fresh cum stain on my shirt. The snowballing did not happen nor I decided to make contact after the deed was done.

It was I who ended the game.

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* Snowballing, semen swapping, is the human sexual practice in which one partner takes into their mouth the semen of another person, and then 'swaps' or passes it to the mouth of another through kissing.