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Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

You are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. No one else is doing it for you.

Either suck it up and be generous for whatever reason seems to validate your own needs or look in your pants, find your balls and let the exes know that the gravy train ends when they betray you and you kick them out of your bed.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Heartlessness is taking something away from someone when it means something to them.

You meant so little to him that he was willing to sleep with someone else when he could have been having a fun time with you, or if you were both in a rough patch, he could have been working on making things better. Instead, he slept with someone else and exposed you to a disease.

How much more information do you need to realise that you don't matter to him? It's not heartless for you to cut him off because in his mind the only thing he would be losing is $30 a month.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Yeah, I think so. I'm usually the first one to be jumping up and saying "give him the benefit of the doubt." But, not this time. He continued to take advantage of your generosity when, by all rights, you could've (and probably should have) deleted the line upon breaking up. And, if he was any kind of man, he should have told you to kill the line - that right there gets him the "User" label.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Do what you want but just remember that you forfeit all complaint rights if you continue to pay. Not another word to friends or family because they don't want to hear it. If you agree to those terms, who cares what you do....well, your new boyfriend my care.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Basically speaking, he's now my ex. When we were dating, he was having some financial problems, being a student and all. So, I put him in my phone plan (unlimited everything including 4G data for $30). I even paid for the monthly bill. After we broke up, I kinda left it alone and continued to pay for his portion.

Been dating this wonderful young man. In an effort to put everything behind me, last month I told the ex I was giving him a month notice to find another phone plan before I cancel his line. Got a call from him and... more drama. Anyway, somewhere in there he asked if he could keep the plan and then pay me $200 in January when he gets his student loan refund. After thinking about it for a couple days, I just texted him I'm extending it for another month and that I didn't care about the money.

Am I being taken advantage of? A lot of people in my life... actually everyone in my life has told me they would have canceled the line right away as soon as I found out he cheated on me and knowingly exposed me to an std. I considered doing it, but it just seemed too heartless.

Should I man up a little? What's the right course of action here? I don't want to be taken advantage of, but I don't want to be an ass either.

I don't like what I'm hearing.

Cancel that line immediately. You giving him warning and him giving YOU drama was a mess.

It sounds like your ex needs to be reminded who's name is on that contract.

Edit: He CHEATED and you are paying for his BILL?

You know what, disregard this entire post. Let me dip out of this thread.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Originally Posted by animalius

Ok, you guys are right. Since I already told him he's got another month to find another phone plan (I keep my word), I'll let him have another month. Please gay god give me the strength to go ahead with the cancellation next month.

Call your provider today and schedule the disconnect date.

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Give a man religion, and he'll starve praying for a fish.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

You told him you were iving him another month. Give him another month. Just expect another call explaining why he's going to need you to extend it further. And, given past history, I'd say expect to give it to him.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

You really can't be sympathetic at this point. There is no reason to feel guilt, you have done nothing wrong. He put you in danger with the STD so he doesn't seem to care too much about your well-being or he wasn't thinking too clearly. Either way, he needs disconnection from you in order to sort things out and fix himself up. Having him under a phone line is not total disconnection.

I understand that you may be worried about his financial situation, but it would be best to allow him to gain financial independence.

Maybe have someone disconnect it with you if you are having so much difficulty.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Originally Posted by animalius

It's not made up. I said I decided to compromise before I started this thread. Right now, I'm just not sure what to do.

I don't get the point you started this thread. You said you decided to compromise before you started this thread and then every single post here clearly asking you to cut off and yet you decided not to listen at all. Honestly, man up, pick one and go on with your life. You told him you don't care about the money, you proposed the idea, so he's not taking any advantages.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

YES, YOU ARE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.

Cancel it now, or switch it to pay for your current boyfriend.
When, not if, because he will phone to ask why it is cut off, tell him you changed your mind and tell him you are paying him the same sort of respect he paid you previously (with the other guy).

Last edited by Deandbn; October 31st, 2012 at 08:52 AM.
Reason: forgot to answer the question.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Sure he's using you, but you seem ok with it...actually nice and generous of you to do this for him. I don't see a problem. It's just a few bucks out of your pocket for someone that you care/cared for. He's been given notice of termination...he cannot complain about it.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

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Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Its a crime against yourself to care about people who don't care about you. In your life, you are going to have so many people come and go, and you should only take care of the ones who are willing to stick around. The only constant in your life from begining to end is going to be you. Be kind to others, yes, but don''t go out of your way to help those who wouldn't do the same for you.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

This happened to me exactly the way it happened to you. I was paying his phone, an iPhone mind you, because I have one of my own. If you have AT&T, you can suspend it. If you are in the middle of a contract, you may have to pay a hefty cancellation fee, so I would suspend it for now.

And yes, in both this post and your previous post, it seems you are being taken advantage of.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Originally Posted by animalius

I want us to remain friends, though....He currently thinks that I'm doing some kind of power play to get back at him. So, he's holding the password to the account inbox hostage until he gets his old number back.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Originally Posted by animalius

I can't do that. That's not me. I'm talking about someone who used to be my honey. I'm not going to hurt him.

Remember that refusing to indulge his bad behaviour may be a way of helping, not hurting. You don't need to slam the phone down in anger but the steps you are taking to curb his manipulative behaviour may not be sufficent to make the point. And i do feel that curbing manipulative behaviour and his dependence is indeed an act of kindness. BTW, it isn't his phone number. He can request that you have it assigned to him as an act of courtesy, but he can also just change his number like most people who move.

I also think you should at least consider the possibility that trying to maintain a social connection might not be helping either. Maybe it is fine but I think you owe it to yourself your ex and your new guy to ask that question once in a while, whether he was once your honey or not.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Basically speaking, he's now my ex. When we were dating, he was having some financial problems, being a student and all. So, I put him in my phone plan (unlimited everything including 4G data for $30). I even paid for the monthly bill. After we broke up, I kinda left it alone and continued to pay for his portion.

Been dating this wonderful young man. In an effort to put everything behind me, last month I told the ex I was giving him a month notice to find another phone plan before I cancel his line. Got a call from him and... more drama. Anyway, somewhere in there he asked if he could keep the plan and then pay me $200 in January when he gets his student loan refund. After thinking about it for a couple days, I just texted him I'm extending it for another month and that I didn't care about the money.

Am I being taken advantage of? A lot of people in my life... actually everyone in my life has told me they would have canceled the line right away as soon as I found out he cheated on me and knowingly exposed me to an std. I considered doing it, but it just seemed too heartless.

Should I man up a little? What's the right course of action here? I don't want to be taken advantage of, but I don't want to be an ass either.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

You did the right thing. I think what should happen next is increasing distance between you. That kind of remark could be a call for help, in which case he has it now. Or it could be a rather twisted way to manipulate you and, knowing you would naturally be concerned, to torment you with no reply while you struggled to reach him. I think that's more than a little shitty, and you need to at least consider that's the kind of game he was playing.

This guy is 10 kinds of bad news. I think you need to make yourself more available for the decent guy who is in your life now, and to accomplish that by continuing to make yourself less available to your ex.

If you know he is now okay safe and sound, what condition was he in when the police got there? I'm guessing if they felt he was in any way a risk to himself, he would be in a hospital right now. That leads me to fear he really was being a manipulative bastard.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

If you have to ask, the answer is more than likely yes and dating someone that you have to constantly need to support financially, and take care of, is not a relationship.

Judging from the other thread, sounds like he's a manipulative disease bag with borderline personality disorder. Get him out of your life regardless of how much you might be attracted to him. He's not a keeper in any shape or form.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

I despise people who are SO utterly selfish and cruel that, as a last resort, they will threaten suicide JUST so they can get back to their neverending mind-games of emotional manipulation and exploitation of people like the OP. It's the lowest of the low.

I'm no expert but they must be sociopaths or something - the deep psychological need to control and use other people more caring/naive/vulnerable than them, for their own gratification.

Hopefully this will be the last you hear from him - now he knows that you'll get the police involved he has no cards left to play. But if he persists, sever ALL contact with NO exception.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Can you see that your normal boyfriend is hoping you'll stop taking up so much space in your head with this ex, and so much time in your day?

As for your ex, you're not responsible for his health, his finances or even his life. He is a troubled adult who is not ready for a relationship, and not ready for a friendship with you. I think you need to sincerely wish him well and not permit any future contact. I think you should apologise to the guy you are snuggling with for all the time it has taken (not to apologise for trying to do the right thing, but for how distracting it is to tie up all the loose ends with your ex) and then follow through by leaving your ex to figure out his life on his own.

Re: Am I being taken advantage of?

Originally Posted by animalius

The ex has a muscular body type. Very muscular a actually. The current bf is a twink... hairless and skinny.... and talks and acts like a twink even though he denies it. Two completely different animals.