The MOUTH OF MADNESS Featuring BLUDZO!

We at the HOD!!! are pleased that our ol' pal Bludzo has escaped from the asylum and once again set crayon to paper for your reading pleasure. Never known as being the shy, retiring type, Bludzo's patented rants take you behind the scenes not only of his twisted psyche but also the world of haunted attractions, horror movies, idiot politicians, park mascots that need their head ripped off and blood vomited down the stump, and whatever else happens to have the misfortune of falling under his gaze. We at the HOD!!! do not necessarily endorse Bludzo's take on things, particularly that whole bit about homicidal Klowns and why certain people just need to suffer at their hands. Then again, maybe we do. Who can say? While Bludzo modestly states he's not a haunt legend, he was the first 'name' actor in the area, playing to packed houses-make that roofs-at Nightmare Estates, routinely being called back out on the roof for encores. Having been 'expelled' to the Detention Hall at the Dent Schoolhouse, he continues to set the standard for single minded haunt insanity, destructive behavior, and Olympic-class blood spewing. So without further ado, we give you Bludzo...

The MOUTH OF MADNESS!!!Vol 1: ThreeYears After...

“You know the thing about demons? You could perhaps
summon them…..perhaps use them to do your work..…you could even get
rid of them…..but sometimes…..sometimes they come back”

It has indeed been quite some time since we gathered here
for another batch of morose mischief from the Mouth of Madness,
and likewise much has happened in the time between. So I’ll not waste
any valuable time, here in the early stages of our beloved haunt season, and
get straight down to the business that has always made THIS random rant column
some of the finest bathroom reading material out there!

So let’s see…it’s been pretty much since
2008 (eh, give or take) that we last congregated here…and in that time,
needless to say, there’s been a lot of bloated corpses that’ve
passed under the bridge or under the dam or wherever it is that corpses float
these days! First, the obvious, was the fact that the Bludzo T Clown/Brick
McBurly Presidential ticket crashed and burned faster than Ryan Dunn on a
weekend bender (Awwww…is that an overwhelming collective GROAN I hear?
C’mon, you know the score!! You oughtta know that NOTHING is “too
soon” or too sensitive here!!!). So, I would like to take this time to
personally say thanks to NONE OF YOU since clearly nobody cast their
votes in our direction! And don’t even try to hide it and insist that
you voted for us either, we saw the results!!! Although, in all fairness, I
must admit I could maybe, MAYBE, understand a possible
miscommunication…after all, the guy who went on to win the election has
more convincing clown features than even I (Ever taken a good look at the head
on that sumbitch?! You see what I mean then!). It is worth noting that not
one, but TWO of the promises I made actually happened in the time
between…while that knucklehead Obama STILL can’t make good on any
of his!!! For one, KISS actually DID make a new album (hey, go back and read
my manifesto…it WAS a promise I made, even if it meant lighting Gene
Simmons’s Darth Vader helmet hairdo on fire!) and, are actually poised to
release yet ANOTHER one in the near future! Also, Cincinnati got to see its
first Horror Convention in the form of HORRORHOUND WEEKEND CINCINNATI, back in
November 2009. And it has been a MASSIVE hit ever since…those of you
that regularly attend such as I do know this to be true. In fact, HORRORHOUND
WEEKEND CINCINNATI III is already shaping up to be a pretty
bad-ass show! Check it out when it comes around, you will NOT be
disappointed…and if you can swing it, stick around for the after party!
It’s a chance to hang out with some of the character HACKtors you know
and love…why just last year, people were chatting up how much fun it was
to race Jennifer Rubin (“Taryn” from NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3; BAD
DREAMS) on the waterslides, or toss football poolside with Jonathan Breck
(“The Creeper” from the JEEPERS CREEPERS franchise), or even have a
drink or two, or three, or a dozen, with none other than Harvey Stephens
(“Damien Thorn” of the one and only original THE OMEN). And with a
lineup consisting of folks like Anthony Michael Hall (THE DEAD ZONE; WEIRD
SCIENCE), Michael Rooker (HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER; THE WALKING
DEAD), Ernie Hudson (“Winston Zeddemore” from GHOSTBUSTERS), Kane
Hodder (duh, only the best JASON VOORHEES there is!), not to MENTION the FRIDAY
THE 13th PART 6, WALKING DEAD & PET SEMATERY reunions going
on…it’s already lining up to be a worthy successor to the previous
Horrorhound gigs! Check it out for yourself… www.horrorhoundweekend.com . So,
to make a long story short (too late), even as a Presidential LOSER, I have
seen some of my more important promises come to fruition (hey, say what you
will, new KISS albums and horror shows in Cin City are FAR more important than
crap like healthcare for cryin’ out loud…and clearly you AGREE with
that, otherwise you wouldn’t be here!). And, who knows, it might
juuuuuuuuuuuuust be enough for me to give it all another go in 2012!!!
Maybe…

While I have been notably absent from my Mouth of
Madness duties, that’s not to say I’ve been totally absent
from the hauntin’ biz altogether. I’ve still been lingerin’
around, much like that pesky, awful virus that ya just can’t shake no
matter how much ya try…although my overall presence was scaled back
considerably in 2009, and was even a little lesser than normal last year. As
any seasoned HACKtor can tell you, once you get this business in your
blood…it’s there for LIFE (er…UNDEATH)! It’s
impossible to just hang it up for good and not have anything at all to do with
it, it encompasses your very BEING, it’s like one of the most addicting
drugs there is, a natural high the likes of which is unrivalled! Sound a bit
overboard? Hey, don’t take my word for it…I’m a
clown…we lie, it’s what we do. But you ask any legit HACKtor, take
your pick, and ask them that same question: “Is it really THAT fun, THAT
addicting?”, and then tell me if you get a negative reply…me thinks
ye won’t!!! We all take great pride in what we do and how we do
it…we do not usually show any animosity towards OTHER haunts, as
we’re all out there for the same reason: To entertain by way of scaring
the unholy hell out of anyone and everyone that comes our way…period.
That being said, it gets JUST a little aggravating when you come across someone
in the same industry that seems to favor working in, shall we say, remarkably
unscrupulous ways…often out of simple jealousy and desperation. Now, out
of respect for my main man Randy “Master of the Dragon-Print
Shirts” Schadel, I will not name specific names (even though he’s
already said time and again that what you read on here doesn’t
necessarily equate his own feelings, thoughts, etc) as he is still a very
unbiased and fair individual and should always be identified as such. Besides,
I don’t even NEED to name names, because anybody who has witnessed their
crap firsthand knows, and they themselves know even if they don’t wanna
admit it!!! Any way you slice it, we all have that common goal/interest of
scaring the bejeezus out of people at the forefront of our existence in the
hauntin’ biz…and going hand in hand with that is the goal of being
the absolute BEAST at what we do. And how does one make themselves a force to
be reckoned with, or, in short, the best of the best? By throwing EVERYTHING
YOU GOT at ‘em, be it thru molding your haunt around a specific concept,
or by letting your HACKtors’ respective abilities do the talking to make
the name and reputation of your haunt for you, and, of course, if you have the
resources, carefully reconfiguring your haunt year in and year out so
there’s always something new and exciting on the horizon for good folks
like the hauntseekin’ public to look forward to, to want to come back
for. Now, not EVERYONE can be the crème-de-la-crème, it don’t work that
way. We weren’t always the numero uno haunt at Nightmare Estates, we
weren’t always the numero uno haunt at Nightmare on Glenway (damn close,
mind you), and we weren’t always where we are right now at the ol’
Dent Schoolhouse either! But you know somethin’? Whenever we
WEREN’T at that level, we did not make it a point to slag those that WERE
down, or drag their name thru the mud & blood. Oh sure, we might fire the
occasional cynical smartasstic response, but that’s just having a good
sense of humor (we clowns have those too! They’re ridiculously SICK
senses of humor, sure, but senses of humor nonetheless), but that’s about
it. Why? Because even if we weren’t the NUMBER ONE HAUNT in Cin City,
we had class…plain and simple. Now, the reason I bring this up, is
because it goes hand-in-hand with my overall complaint here…not ENOUGH
class to go ‘round these days it seems. There remains a couple folks out
there in the local haunt circuit that seem hellbent to this DAY on using petty
mudslinging and other pathetic methods to combat what they feel are
“unfair ratings” or “a misinformed public”. Why, not
all that long ago I distinctly remember a certain individual posting his
feelings regarding the “attention” the Dent Schoolhouse was getting
out there for the general public to read, going so far as to basically say that
people (and this includes the occasional “guest HACKtors” we might
have on a given night) would have SOOOOOOOOO much more fun at his
respective haunt than they could EVER have at Dent. As I recall there
were a few other tidbits in there as well, but it was quite hard for me to
follow considering it looked as though it was typed up by someone who was
either at a 1st grade reading and writing level…or someone who
was legally retarded. Here’s a thought, let people make up their OWN
minds…we don’t go out pining for people to come check us out per
se, the word gets around, and they come on their own accord. We don’t
have close-knit friends or business associates to put in a good word for us
come review time, we let our haunt and all that it contains do the talking for
us. And we DAMN sure don’t waste valuable time ripping other places to
shreds for ANY reason, because we respect them and because we have class. And
it isn’t just us…I can think of MANY places that share this
sentiment…and there’s no reason to NOT have that mutual respect,
and still remain competitive at the same time. We have fun with what we
do…if it wasn’t fun, we wouldn’t do it. So to those of you
who have this mutual feeling, I say FANGS to you for joining your fellow
brethren of bloodshed in collectively terrorizing the Greater CINcinnati area
now as you have in the past, I salute you (with a single finger on one hand,
and devil horns on the other!), and look forward to trudging through the piles
of festering corpses as we march ONWARD celebrating year after year of this
same nasty goodness! And to those on the flipside of the coin…those who
still feel the need to put the ASS in class…if you’re reading this
now (and I imagine at least ONE of you is), let me finish up by saying this:
The more you try to sully our image, the more we will continue to rise above and
beyond…the more you carry on this ignorant elitist attitude, the more
ridiculous you will look with each passing year…the longer you mistakenly
believe that you are the black cat’s meow and that you are the standard
to which all other haunts should be compared, the quicker you will fall by the
wayside…the more you shun everyone else in this business, the less you
will be respected (yes, even less than you already are)…and the longer
you keep up this charade that the same ol’ sh*t each year is enough to keep
interest in you undead and well, the sooner you will be buried by your own
mediocrity. That said, happy haunting, see you at the finish line, and if it
doesn’t rain before I see ya again..…PISS ON YOU!!!

Now then…moving on…(I’m sure I’ve
lost a reader or two at this point, but, you’ll have that!)

Y’know, every once in awhile I check the ol’
emails and still get random questions, concerns, inquiries, comments, death
threats, religious propaganda, and so forth that vary in topic from the
hauntin’ biz, to the state of our nation’s decline, tax advice,
super bowl picks, and yes, even cooking tips. And it is these very emails that
make their appearance on a little segment we call “ASK BLUDZO”.
So, after a two-plus year hiatus, here we go with a few of ‘em! (Oh,
yeah, and remember, “the names of all corresponding parties have been
changed so as to eliminate any possible whining because their REAL names were
used without permission, and, because I find silly aliases to be pretty damn
funny, even at my age”)…

“You mention that you don’t like most remakes.
With Stephen King’s “IT” on the horizon to be remade, do you
think you will give it a fair shake? Thanks.” [Hugh G. Rection / Big
Bone, KY]

Well, I like to think of myself as a fair kinda guy, but, I
must FIRST wait and see what direction they go with casting (in particular,
who’s gonna play the ‘Wise!). I’ll admit, I first panicked
when I mistakenly read that Ronny Yu was gonna have a hand in it, as I loathe
his work. He IS, after all, the man responsible for turning Jason Voorhees
into essentially a meatheaded retard in Freddy Vs Jason (no offense to Kenny
Kerzinger, but a Kane Hodder you are NOT!). But, fortunately, I discovered it
in fact was NOT him, so, we shall wait and see. Given that it’ll be a
theatric release instead of made-for-TV, the possibilities are much more
open…might actually be pretty damn cool! But, again, tough villain to
recast…Tim Curry did a fantastic job, I don’t think ANYBODY can
doubt that!!!

“Hey Bludzo. I been meaning to ask, whatever
happened to you guys’s old director of actors, Randy Pattersmith?”
[Sharon Needles / Trackmarks, NJ]

Good question, and, it’s not actually PatterSMITH,
but, close enough. I believe, from what I understand, he was actually hit by a
bus with enough force to launch him into a neighboring cornfield where he was summarily
run over by a combine, dragged off and eaten by coyotes and shat over a
cliff…I read that on the internet so it has to be true.

“Question. I play a clown too, and my makeup is
pretty durable stuff, but I always have a hard time removing the stuff. Any
tips or ideas?” [Helmut Von Sphinctertitun / Der Scheisse, Germany]

You “play” a clown, eh? Huh…well, have
you tried battery acid? If not, try that…you’d be surprised how
much that’ll take off ya! Glad I could help!!!

“Time to fess up! You break stuff inside the
haunts you are a part of on PURPOSE, don’t you?!” [Wan Hung Lo
/ Author – “Three Tracks in the Snow” / La Mierda, NM]

Yes, yes, the question of my “destructive
ways”. Here’s the long & short on this’n, and I think I MAY
have finally convinced Mr. & Mrs. Wells of this too, but,
nonetheless…it is never a GOAL of mine…well, let me rephrase that,
it isn’t USUALLY a goal of mine to go on a physically destructive
rampage whenever I’m inside a haunt. But it is also something I am incapable
of controlling! Ask any lifer in the haunt biz, when you get out there, and
your respective identity takes over your very BEING, you possess strength
beyond strength, you are more aggressive than you would normally be, you are a
living, breathing locomotive of fear and anything that ain’t bolted down
(and even some of the things that are) is gonna get completely and utterly
obliterated in your wake! Almost poetic isn’t it? Or, to put it another
way…it’s simply collateral damage in the grand scheme of things,
‘cause try as you may, ya can’t make a soufflé o’ slaughter
without bustin’ a few skulls along the way!!!

“Who do you think has the absolute BEST killer
klowns in the local haunt scene?” [Captain Obvious / Noshitsherlock,
Poland]

Well DUH!!!

And finally,

“As clowns, how do you and the others like Calliope
and Fatso really fit the whole ‘schoolhouse’ theme?” [The
general public, Greater Cincinnati Area, OH/KY/IN]

Get this question a lot, always have, and I suspect always
will. We used to be a part of the Dent PTA Carnival, so one would THINK
that’d explain it pretty well. But those who see us on the outside of
the haunt obviously wouldn’t know much about the carnival part, so I used
to keep it simple by saying, “what’s a school without class clowns?!”.
Nowadays? With all the outdoor evil shenanigans that myself and Fatso and
others partake in, I liken us more to schoolyard bullies than
anything…and THAT my fiends, can be found at ANY school, ANYwhere!!!

Now then…moving on!

I know what some of you may be thinkin’…and
please, stop me if I’m wrong…you’re thinkin’ “Y’know,
each year at the Dent Schoolhouse, most of the HACKtors change face…the
SCAREacter they portrayed last year ain’t the same as the one they’re
playin’ this year, and might not even be what they do NEXT year either!
So how is it that Bludzo is always Bludzo, Fatso is almost always Fatso, and
Damien is always Damien (to name a few)?” Well in order to answer THIS
question, it’s gonna require me to do something I don’t often do…step
outta character for just a moment…so here goes. This’ll probably
be a little bland, as I’m not quite as articulate as Bludzo here in the
real world. Now, I may not be able to directly speak for my fellow haunt
actors here, but I can at least speak for myself. For one thing, it’s
worth noting that Fatso has pulled off other roles in addition to (not instead
of) his duties as a fellow representative of the Clown Union of Nocturnal
Terrorizors (aka, C.U.N.T.;….oh come on, don’t look so
shocked!!!). Likewise, Damien has morphed his character numerous times and is
able to blend the things that make him “Damien” into the concept of
the Dent Schoolhouse. For me, after nearly 15 years of donning the same ol’
greasepaint for the same ol’ character, it’s not such an easy
transition. Now before there ever WAS a Bludzo, and waaaaaaay before Bludzo
ever had a defined character name, I was essentially a clutch actor, the type
of actor that spends part of the time as a “breaker” and the rest
of the time on-hand to replace ANYBODY in the haunt that either has to leave
for the night, or is sick, or hurt, or whatever. I didn’t really have a
character in mind, per se, in my first few years in the haunt biz, and I didn’t
have the right build for say a Michael Myers or a Jason Voorhees or a Freddy
Krueger (though I did don the fedora, sweater and blades of Mr. Krueger on
several occasions at Nightmare on Glenway) so, clutch actor it was! But over
time the characteristics that make up what is now Bludzo began seeping thru the
cracks and when the opportunity came to give it a whirl, voila, the psycho
clown at Nightmare on Glenway who eventually became Bludzo was born. Sound like
a bunch of crap? Hey, eye of the beholder boys and girls, just telling you the
truth here. The point is, the character has evolved over the years and it is
really the only thing I know HOW to do…period. So, why is it that someone
such as Calliope can go from being the first lady of killer klowndom to…uh…whatever
it is she has transformed into this year? For the same reason that so many
other actors at the Schoolhouse can morph into something else from year to year…they
are versatile, they have broad palates as haunt actors which allow them to be
almost chameleon-like at times, and in many cases, they just prefer variety! I
applaud them, I certainly couldn’t do it! So, call it typecast, call it
what you will…what you see is what you get with me. Luckily, the good
folks at the Dent Schoolhouse seem content with that, just so long as Bludzo
quits breakin’ sh*t. My good friend Randy “The Shock Rock Shogun”
Schadel tosses the term “haunt legend” around when mentioning
Bludzo in his write-ups and reviews, and while I’m humbled, I also say I’ve
got a long way to go before I could ever really be deserving of that title. But,
that’s just me, the REAL me, talking…Bludzo would probably
have a different take on that. He and I are quite different you see. Now,
back to the ranting.

There, zat make a little more sense to you creeps out
there?! Good!!! Oh, and by the way…I stay the way I am each year
because LIKE IT OR NOT, you creeps EXPECT certain things year in and year out,
and quite frankly, what would a Haunt Seizin’ be without yer ol’
pal the Ayatollah Bludzolla?! I’ll TELL you what it’d be,
it’d be like having Christmas without crowded-ass stores, whiney kids and
dealing with relatives that you’d just as soon beat with a toaster as look
at!!! More peaceful, sure, but not anywhere NEAR as LOUD and EXCITING!!! So face
the facts my little BLUDhounds, this creep’s here to stay until the body
itself craps out for good, or they FINALLY haul me away in a straight white
vest to that white padded room…again! Legend? Huh, YOU decide!!!

MURDEROUS
MUSINGS

1. Seems like each time we get to THIS part of the Mouth
of Madness, we discuss something related to the plague of film remakes that
continues inundate theaters year after year. I know, “but didn’t
you get into that a little earlier with the question asked about the ‘IT’
remake?” Yes I did, and we’re gonna do it AGAIN, right here! Don’t
like it? Toughski Crapski!!! While I have not seen the Fright Night
remake yet, by all accounts it’s not that bad. I’ll at LEAST give
credit where it’s due for the filmmakers not making Jerry Dandridge into
some sort of Twi-hard sissy pseudo-vampire like that Edward friggin’
Cullen homo. A “sparkly” vamp Jerry is not…wasn’t in ’85
when Chris Sarandon played him, and ain’t now either, even with that
loser Colin Ferrell playin’ him! Nice to know we DIE-hard frightfans can
still have SOME faith that our fave characters won’t ALWAYS be destroyed
in the remakes. “Ya have ta have FAITH, for that to work on meee…Mr.…VinCENT!!!”
[those of you that know the original will get that…everyone else, just move
on to #2!]

2.I recently read that the biggest bunch of loser religious
fruitcakes out there, the Westboro Baptist Church (a bunch of inbred jagoffs
from Kansas), will be hitting the tri-state later this month to picket outside
of Miami University and Oak Hills High School respectively. The reason? Nobody
knows for sure, and besides, these cornpokes NEVER need a legit REASON to do
their stupid crap…it’s just an attention thing. The reason I bring
this up, is because it seems folks are increasingly firing shots back AT these
idiots whenever and wherever they appear. Why, not that long ago, the Foo
Fighters put on some redneck garb (very much akin to Nightmare Estates’
very own Cledus and Zeke Darlington!) and came out to confront them when the WBC
stooges picketed outside of one of the Foos’ concerts. Dave Grohl penned
a blatantly homo-erotic song called “Keep it Clean”, dedicated it
and sang it to them from aboard a truck float much to the delight of the crowd
who joined in the mockery! Now it got me thinkin’…these fools are
coming into OUR town, days away from OUR unholiest of holidays, and starting up
some of their usual douchebaggery. How cool would it be if a bunch of us
freaks from the haunt scene got together in full regalia and gave ‘em a
good ol’ fashioned, in yer face, WELCOME TO OUR WORLD B*TCH, down-home, greasy,
loud & proud, full o’ piss & vinegar, up-yer-butt-Jobu, “this
is how we do it in Cincinnasty” welcome?!? I’d LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to
see the looks on those toothless hicks’s faces if they had the pleasure
of runnin’ afoul of an army of local haunters!!! BEE-U-TEE-FULL!!!!

3.Since we last convened here I had the pleasure of
meeting two of pop culture’s biggest stars in the 80s, and biggest
punchlines in the 90s…the “Two Coreys” themselves, Corey Haim
and Corey Feldman. To Mr. Haim…I say I’m quite grateful for having
the opportunity to meet you before your untimely passing, I applaud the efforts
(albeit, and tragically, too late) to turn your life around. It wasn’t
but for a little while, but you were quite a pleasure to be around and it is
something that I will remember with great fondness. To Mr. Feldman…I say
thank you for completing my Lost Boys pic by lending your signature to it. And,
also, QUIT ACTIN’ LIKE SUCH A PRIMA DONNA!!! JESUS CHARLTON HESTON
CHRIST MAN, YOU ARE NOT MICHAEL JACKSON, YA NEVER WERE, AND YA NEVER WILL BE,
SO LOSE THE GETUP, CUT THE STUPID STRAND OF HAIR HANGIN’ DOWN THE ENTIRE LENGTH
OF YOUR FACE, AND GIVE UP THE ACT!!! YOU’RE EDGAR GODD@MN FROGG FOR CHRISSAKES
(or Tommy Jarvis, take yer pick)!!! GET BACK DOWN TO REALITY SOMETIME BEFORE
THE FILMING OF LOST BOYS 4 THERE, CHACHI!!! COMPRENDE` DOUCHEBAG?!? [Note: It
was hysterical to have Feldman in the same signing room as Sean Patrick Flanery
and Norman Readus from “Boondock Saints”, because
they razzed his ass every chance they GOT!!!]

4.Indianapolis is rapidly becoming the Midwest hot-spot
for Horror Conventions these days. Horrorhound Weekend has
already established itself as an annual mainstay, last year saw the arrival of
the Famous Monsters of Filmland Convention, and THIS year, there
was the Days of the Dead Convention in July and Monstermash
Expo this December! While Famous Monsters and Monstermash
appear to be of the travelling variety, Horrorhound and Days
of the Dead have already made it clear they WILL be returning for 2012
(HHW as I said is an Indy mainstay at this point). We’re fortunate to
have one FINALLY here in Cin City, make no mistake, but frightfans…you
all owe it to yourselves to make the 2-hour trip up north if you haven’t
done so already. I know myself, and all the fellow freaks that go up there
WITH me, have NEVER been disappointed, and there’s no shortage of
impressive additions to these shows you might not otherwise see. Example? Days
of the Dead brought none other than Ace “Space Ace” Frehley,
the ORIGINAL lead guitarist of the one and only KISS! It was
definitely something to behold, especially for a KISS Army member
such as myself. Now, rumor has it (and it’s just that for now…a
rumor), that Days is gonna make an effort to trump that high-caliber
guest for 2012. How, you ask? Well, let’s just say speculation is that
it’s gonna possibly be someone who was at the forefront of merging horror
and rock ‘n’ roll together in the unholiest of unions! Stay tuned!

5.One more tidbit on film remakes (oh, shuddup and quit’cher
b*tchin’ already!!!). I maintain the BEST way to do it, is to take an
older film that could TRULY benefit from an overhaul or reboot, much as they
did with The Hills Have Eyes back in ’06. That formula was used
for the remake of I Spit On Your Grave just this past year…and
folks, if you ain’t seen it yet, do yourself a favor and check it out.
VERY good I must say!!! Problem is, there still seems to be this insane
craving for remaking sh*t that just don’t NEED it. Example, they’ve
decided to remake Teen Wolf. Yes, you read that correctly, TEEN WOLF!!!
Not as a film, mind you, but as a TV-series on the sinking ship known as MTV. A
bad idea to say the least…made worse, yes, WORSE, by the decision to veer
it away from the schlocky humor that made the original what it was, and into something
CLEARLY (or rather, “queerly”) geared towards the Twilight
community. If you’ve seen the pics relating to this crap you already
know what I mean. Not to MENTION the fact that the guy doesn’t even play
basketball like in the movie, but rather…(shudder)…lacrosse! Can you
@#?!$&# BELIEVE IT?!? Unreal! And, believe it or not, they are also STILL
apparently hashing around the idea of remaking Jaws, a movie that can
NOT be improved upon…not by modern effects, not by different actors, not
by ANYTHING or ANYBODY. It is a classic, and should be left untouched! And the
mere fact that they continue to mention Tracy Morgan as a possible cast-member
if it DOES get greenlit, makes my very pale and rotting skin CRAWL! It won’t
be the year 2012 that marks the end of the world fiends…it’ll be
THIS piece of garbage seeing the light of day!!!

Alright freaks…I believe that’ll do it for now…

After all, our beloved season is upon us now! And there’s
a whooooooooooole lotta killin’ & grillin’, cuttin’ &
struttin’, slashin’, smashin’, thrashin’ & monster
mashin’ that needs to be tended to!!! (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, the
rhyming bit’s plenty lame…DEAL WITH IT!!!). So, for those of you I
have seen already…it’s wonderful as ALWAYS to make yer
acquaintance! For those I haven’t, I anxiously await the opportunity! There
is NO better time of year, make no mistake. That feeling you get, that rush
thru your system…when the days get shorter…the nights get cooler…you
can smell the dead leaves starting to permeate the autumn air…you can
smell the greasepaint as it hits your skin…and you can hear the screams,
the HUNDREDS, THOUSANDS of screams in the distance. It’s like a drug…a
high that can be matched by absolutely nothing else out there! And that time
is nigh my friends…come and enjoy it with me, won’t you?