Iran Thinks of the Children, Bans ‘Simpsons’ Merchandise

To thwart the sinful, moral-corroding, cousins-marrying influence of the Western world (that’s us!), Iran has banned the sale of “Simpsons” dolls within its borders. Now Iranian children and Jon Lovitz fans will have to travel all the way to Turkmenistan to get their talking Artie Ziff action figure. According to Reuters:

“The Simpsons dolls are merchandise from an animated series, of which some episodes are even banned in Europe and America,” Mohammad Hossein Farjoo, whose agency oversees what Iranian children can play with, told the Sharq newspaper.

“We do not want to promote this cartoon by importing the toys,” added Farjoo, whose full title is Secretary for Policy-making at the Institute for the Intellectual Development of Children and Young Adults in Tehran.

Executive producer Al Jean responded to news of the ban by saying, “This means war!” which is a terrifying sentiment when you think about it. Considering Iran’s only getting around to banning “Simpsons” toys in 2012, some 20 years after people here stopped caring about the nationwide-threat that was Bart saying, “Eat my shorts,” just think how pissed they’re going to be in 2020, when “Family Guy” becomes all the rage.

Can you remember back when Dan Quayle’s wife was all up in a tizzy about The Simpsons when someone had to remind her that the family structure of the Simpsons was about as traditionally American as you can possibly find? They’re a nuclear family of 3 children (and Maggie is small, so technically only .5). The father works full time while the wife plays homemaker. They even go to church every Sunday.

I can see why this is a looming threat to Iranian children. The Iranian people are awesome, it’s their government that sucks. **looks at American govt, wonders…**