Jealousy Support Group

Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...

Porn?

My fiance seems to really like his porn. I don't have a problem with porn really except when it comes to him. It just gets to me so bad if I think that he is thinking of someone else. Even if he can't actually be with them. I mean I enjoy it every once and awhile but I get all tore up and upset if I think that he is doing that. It some odd weird way it feels like he is doing me wrong. I know that sounds so crazy but it really is becoming a problem with me and I don't know how to stop letting it get to me.

im in the same boat, i get mad when he watches it alone, i feel like hes cheating on me, but then again i watch it also lol, i'll rather him cheat on me with a computer whore then doing it for real! better not ill chop his dick off! =)

You're not alone. I almost left my husband once when I saw the history on the computer &quot;hot sexy latina&quot; type of porn. I was so mad because A.) he has me, a latina woman. B.) he was masterbating to this porn annd C.) He was doing it sometime when I was even at home. Which to me means, he rather masterbate and get off on visuals of other women than to go find me and have sex with his own wife. Very painful. I cried and cried and couldn't forgive him for a long time. I almost felt like it was cheating in a wierd way. The funny thing is I didn't mind watching porn WITH him. It was a 4-play type of thing and in the end he would'nt even pay attention to the porn and all the attention was on me. Now...3 years later we finally started watching porn again together. It was something that took a lot of time for me to heal and I belive this was the cause of my insecurities. It took a lot for me to trust him again. Either he is really sneaky or just honest, but I haven't seen any porn on his lap top or our home computer. I totally understand where you're coming from. Shit, I get jealous if I see Kim Kardashian come on the t.v screen. Not only is she one of the prettiest women out there, my hubby just happen to watch her porn that she made. Makes me sick.

I see a lot of these porn issues in here and will take a shot at responding from a man's perspective.

re: My fiance seems to really like his porn.
&gt;&gt;&gt; Have you ever sat down and talked with him about it to get his actual perspective on porn or to offer your perspective, opinions and MOSTLY your concerns over porn?

I don't have a problem with porn really except when it comes to him.
&gt;&gt;&gt; Exactly what does that mean?

It just gets to me so bad if I think that he is thinking of someone else. Even if he can't actually be with them.
&gt;&gt;&gt; Why does it get to you and exactly what do you feel/think? Are you afraid, angry, sad, alarmed, etc.

I mean I enjoy it every once and awhile but I get all tore up and upset if I think that he is doing that.
&gt;&gt;&gt; Tore up and upset in exactly what sense? Do you become frightened, insecure, mad, depressed? Why does it happen?

It some odd weird way it feels like he is doing me wrong.
&gt;&gt;&gt; Exactly how? It must feel like cheating but you said you are ok with porn. In a way, he is doing you wrong by getting off with someone or something other than you - his supposed best friend and lover. I'd be interested to know exactly WHY he chooses porn over you.

I know that sounds so crazy but it really is becoming a problem with me and I don't know how to stop letting it get to me.
&gt;&gt;&gt; You stop it by finding out exactly why you react that way and then undertake some kind of therapy to heal your fears and insecurities. Then you enter into a discussion with him to understand exactly why he takes his needs/desires elsewhere.
I occasionally look at porn. In some ways, it's more convenient than going to my wife if either she or I am not able to get into the mood. I don't consider I am cheating since my wife is and always will be my most cherished lover and friend. If she ever wanted to talk about my occasional porn thing, I'd be open to telling all and even giving it up if we couldn't come to peace over it. I don't have a good strong excuse for my porn interests but I can say that I have learned a lot from porn and take that knowledge to my wife for extra adventures and satisfaction for both of us. I told her that some of my new skills came from watching porn but I don't &quot;rub it in&quot; so she feels cheated on. IMO, you need to get into a real deep, intense conversation with you hubs to see if some kind of understanding can be reached about porn and, more importantly, you and all the women in here need to do something about your own fragile, touchy and probably damaged feelings and insecurity/fear that causes you to be so vulnerable to porn issues. Porn is not the problem! Your own fears, insecurities and perhaps childhood emotional damages are what's got you going.
Aside from personal counseling, you might go here: http://www.dailystrength.org/health_blogs/julie-cohen/article/don-t-let-your-insecurities-ruin-your-relationship

I read the other posts and just want to ask: Have any of you thought that your guys go to porn because there is or was 'problems' in you relationships and porn is so available and easier than either dealing with you or getting some help to make the relationship better and more comfortable for him????
Have you even tried to find what issues in your relationship are causing him to find satisfactions elsewhere? IMO, the combination of your own insecurities and fears plus subtle little unresolved problems in the relationship is what your porn problem is all about and the most obvious SOLUTION is to either get busy talking about it or seek professional help.
Cutting off his dick, getting mad, crying, throwing fits, leaving, etc. is not and never will be a SOLUTION as much as you believe it is! If he is not happy in the relationship and there is no solution, he will continue to seek satisfaction in porn or whatever else he can find BEHIND YOUR BACK.

re: You need to talk to him and try to get him to understand.. maybe go to marriage counseling? by owlfsasha

&gt;&gt;&gt; IMO, this is the best advice in this string! Don't get mad or get revenge..........GET HELP!

rager
thanks for this powerful and informative post. I believe many folks will be given hope and insights from what you've written here.
re: It solved our problems!
&gt;&gt;&gt; Isn't that the whole point - to solve the problem and not have to live with it for-MISERALBE-ever?!?
3 cheers for a useful and encouraging post!
:) jim

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