Lindsay recounted wistfully the details of a beautiful white pantsuit she used to own. It fit her perfectly and made her feel like a million bucks. But it was lost to a purge.

Ashley had an insanely gorgeous champagne coloured ball gown that had pearls around the bodice. It too, went out to the second hand shop in a wild purge that she regrets to this day.

What possessed these girls to discard their beautiful belongings, then regret it so much?

A Personal Story of Purging

Rachel, a 37 year-old closet crossdresser spent hours online shopping for specialty themed outfits. She wanted the hot mom look – tight leggings, an off-the-shoulder cropped sweat top, bangle bracelets and pink eye shadow. Then there was the ballgown phase – huge hair, tiaras, sparkling chandelier earrings and a sparkly fitted gown with miles of tulle and rhinestones. Oh, and we can’t forget the sexy, businesswoman wardrobe! It wouldn’t be complete without a tight pencil skirt, button down white shirt blouse and a pair of sexy glasses. So much stuff!!!

It was so fun checking the mailbox and having a parcel arrive almost daily!

Exciting Packages!!!

Until the credit card bill arrived one day in the mailbox amongst the packages.

Rachel was horrified to see how much she had spent on herself and the ‘silly’ purchases she had made. Most of the things she bought were cheaply made and didn’t even fit right. They had brought a thrill to her when she was opening up the packages, but also stressed her out that someone would find her beautiful things.

She decided “once and for all” that she was never going to shop online again. She decided she was stupid for buying all these girly things and she should just forget it all. Rachel believed she would never be passable. And she definitely would never get a girlfriend if they knew this side of her, she thought.

And in one big fit of self doubt and personal anger, she gathered every last shred of girlyness into a giant garbage bag and drove to the clothing donation bin.

The lid slammed with an echo of finality.

The Reasoning Behind The Purge

Many closet crossdressers, like Rachel, Lindsay and Ashley, are ashamed of their feminine side. They are constantly battling against how they feel inside and how they want people to perceive them as men. They feel that if anyone were to find out they enjoy wearing ballgowns or tiaras or short skirts, their world as they know it would be lost. In their male world they hold down very masculine jobs, such as construction workers and truck drivers, or high powered, high stress careers like lawyers or emergency responders. A lot of crossdressers are also business owners, husbands and fathers. They are ashamed to reveal their feminine longings to others.

Many crossdressers are ashamed of their feminine longings.

It is for this reason, that a purge of all feminine belongings occurs. And sometimes quite often.

The fear of getting caught with a closet full of women’s clothes, wigs, high heels, and other lady-like accessories instigates a mass purge, followed by massive regret.

How to Resist the Urge to Purge

If you are like one of the girls in this article, you are probably wondering how to feel good about your purchases, love your girly belongings and not fight who you truly are. Here are a few tips to overcome the urge to purge.

Limit your purchases. When you carefully select items to add to your collection, rather than buying everything in sight, you will feel more confident about your purchases and keep spending habits in check.

Don’t buy mix-matched articles. When making a purchase, choose items that will complement each other. If you buy a top, get a skirt to match. You won’t regret having a pile of clothes that look like they were picked out by a three year old girl playing dress up.

Store your items lovingly. If your belongings are packed with care, you may be less likely to garbage them.

If you are susceptible to purging, write a note to your future self, reminding you how much you love and need those items to be your true, happy self. Place the note with some photos on the top of your bag or on your closet door.

Remind yourself how happy you were when you were being your true self!

Tell a trusted friend. When you reveal your secret to just one person, it doesn’t seem as scary.

Rent a storage locker. If you are afraid a new girlfriend, wife or parent is going to come across your secret stash, store it somewhere more private, yet still accessible. (Lesada offers storage in London, Ontario for a very nominal fee!)

Purge in small quantities. We all make regrettable purchases from time to time, especially online. If you bought items that don’t fit or don’t suit you, get rid of those things. Make sure your next purchases are items that will match and work with your articles that make you feel great.

Speak with Leanne, Transformation Maven and Life Coach. If you are fighting the urge to purge because you are ashamed of who you truly are, you are not alone. Leanne specializes in coaching crossdressers to value their self worth and confidence. Book a Free 15 Minute Call or in-depth 60 Minute Life Clarity Call today!

Have you ever regretted a purge? Tell your story in the comments below.

3 thoughts on “Urge to Purge”

Great article, Leanne. There is one purge that makes sense, purge yourself of the ill feelings towards crossdressing and work towards accepting it. I spent far too many years fighting against what feels good and natural and worked towards accepting that it isn’t going away. I always wanted an uncomplicated, ‘normal’ life and through accepting crossdressing, I have one.

From Harietta In Ottawa,
Yes I have purged before, and it has been a good thing. It is also a very normal and may I say necessary event. All three or four times it caused me to re-evaluate everything about my urge, or love, of crossdressing, to accept that it will not leave and to eventually arrive at a happy place with it called management. The question is no longer, “why me?” but simply how can I enhance my life by including crossdressing without ruining employment, family ties, friendships and relationships?
I now manage my dressing as a reward for being a good boy and doing my taxes, cleaning my space, ..whatever. I plan, plan, plan in advance and rarely dress in my home town—so I can relax. No one important to my life knows about Harietta, and that is just fine. they don’t need to I I don’t really need them to know.

I have a constant struggle with wanting to purge everything, It seems when life throws me a speedbump i find myself ready to throw everything out. When i think of how much i have gotten rid of it makes me sick of the cost. Wish i could find a normal balance.