Keep Hope Alive

Ramblings on a Tuesday

There are times that I have so much going on inside of my mind that I get to the point I have no idea what I want to write about. Setting a deadline for oneself can be a true challenge. I know I am harder on me than most people are, but I can’t help it. I am working on that!

Writing is such as release, such freedom and it helps me from the inside out. It is also a beast to have words, stories, poems and thoughts in one’s head and not be able to convey or articulate what one is feeling.

We can go through so many emotions in a short span of time. Elation, embarrassment, anger, love, hurt, depression, joy and shock. Just a few of the emotions that can be experienced on any given day all within hours, or even minutes.

You thrilled to be celebrating your latest achievement. You realize that your friend who is celebrating with you has had one too many celebratory drinks and is now talking you up to the local bowling club. The rude person in the other car is weaving in and out of traffic, nearly causing accidents and gets your blood boiling on the way home. You get home and find a love letter from your child but find out that a relative has left you off the guest list for a family party because you aren’t important enough. You wander to the kitchen to find your loved one picked up your favorite ice cream. As you are savoring the delicious treat the phone rings and you find out someone you love was in a fatal car accident.

Life changes in an instant. We never know what tomorrow will hold, or the next moment.

We toss out words like “love” and “hate” with no real feeling behind them. Lip service to appease.

I know my “I love you” is sincere, but I question others. Not the ones that I know love me, but those who say it to try to get on my good side or get something from me. I got my BS detector ages ago and I know how to use it!

It may just be me, but it seems the “love thy neighbor as you love thyself” is forgotten because you don’t even know your neighbor. You just judge them because they were loud last weekend when you were supposed to get to sleep in but they had a birthday party for their kid and it got a bit rowdy. Did you even go by and say hello, offer to help or do you just assume that they are bad people because of one incident?

I was convinced one of my neighbors had unruly children. I could hear them in the yard with their loud talking, trash talk and bashing of others. Then I heard them at it again, except this time, mama must have come home early. Because then I hear her, voiced raised, “We live in a nice neighborhood. Voices carry. You are all acting as if you were raised in the wild. You were not taught this way nor will this continue.” I sit, hidden, on my porch silently cheering for the mama and feeling guilty because I was being judgmental.

Truth be told if someone heard me and my boy sometimes it could sound like we are good old rednecks acting crazy in the yard. We are acting a bit crazy as we ride bikes, draw with sidewalk chalk, play ball all while making up silly songs from opera to country making each other laugh. We aren’t exactly quite either. Voices carry.

I guess I am writing about feeling and emotions. More like rambling than writing but then that’s ok too. It’s what I do here at fabulous gracelessness. Let loose my thoughts on the world. Sometimes it makes sense, other times it doesn’t. Oftentimes I get emails or messages saying “I am so glad someone else could put into words the thoughts and emotions I have.” We are not alone. We tend to forget that too. Don’t get too proud that you end up alone.