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I’ve totally been MIA the last few weeks, so first, I want to reassure you all I’m still alive! 🙂 I didn’t not become a tribute, nor did I have to fight to the death! I did however go to the midnight showing of The Hunger Games and got total motion sick, but LOVED it and thought I should start training like a tribute…that thought only lasted a few seconds, don’t worry! 🙂

I have been doing pretty decent the last few weeks, but its hard to stay good during certain occasions, a co-workers last day, celebrating my 5 year wedding anniversary, Monday night… Those occasions are hard. I feel like I’ve made progress and am pretty sure I now drink my weight in water on a daily basis but there is still room for improvement.

Today I had a dr appointment and he was going over my lab results with me and told me that my T3 was crazy low and my TSH was “a tad abnormal”. Insert mixed emotions here. The dr told me that this was why I was struggling so much to get weight off and now I would take a magic pill every morning and the Earth would be round again. I felt relieved knowing that my slow metabolism was partly to blame for my weight, but I also felt so frustrated that I even had to deal with it. I have been trying and felt like my hard work didn’t matter because my body was fighting against it. Ok, rant is over…I’ll start taking my pills in the morning and report back (this dr loves me so much he didn’t want to wait a whole month until my next appointment, he requested a follow up in 2 weeks…I’m that awesome).

I’m exhausted. This has been a long week. I had ice cream tonight and didn’t even feel guilty cause I felt like I deserved it! 😉 I have my lap band dr appt in the morning and I think I’m down about 8lbs since my last visit. Slow and steady… But here’s hoping my new pills make me thin quick! 😉

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I missed last week. Sorry about that. I can’t even tell you what happened last week though, so you’ll just have to forgive me and move on with it like I did! 😉

Moving on… last Thursday I was talking to the hubs about my weight {seriously I do talk about other things than this, I swear} and telling him how frustrated I was with it. I told him I wanted to do anything to get that scale moving. One of my sweet co-workers is doing HCG so I was talking to Bry about that when I had an “Ah-Ha” moment. I don’t need a tool to help me, I HAVE a tool to help me! So the next morning I put on my Big Girl Pants and decided I was going to become a patient again at my work. I made an appointment, filled out the paperwork for 2012 {we had 2009 paperwork on file…oops}, and talked to the dr. I think that was the hardest part for me. I told him that once a month I needed him to be my Dr. I needed him and I to have that Patient Dr relationship that was completely disregarded when I started working there. I told him that I needed him to hold me accountable and treat me like any other patient. He agreed he would do that on 2 conditions. 1. I had to recognize that I had a lot of stress in my life and that 2. I needed to take time for myself. I was fine with #1 but #2 has never been my strong suit. But I agreed. He told me he was proud of me for coming to him and that this was a sign to him that I was ready again to lose the rest of my weight. The he gave me a fill. 1cc. That’s a pretty aggressive fill for someone who hasn’t had one in nearly 2 years. I stood up and I knew it was too full. However, I saw this as an opportunity to try and restrict myself and thought that I would “get used to it”. By Saturday morning I couldn’t hardly swallow. I interrupted my poor doc in Synagogue and told him what was happening. He met me at the office and took out a 1/2 cc and suddenly my world was so much better!

This week has been so nice. I eat about 1/2 c- 1cup and I feel satisfied for 4-6 hours. I’ve been making good choices and this morning I weighed. I crossed my everything and stepped on the scale. I had lost 4.5 lbs!!!!! I was sooooo excited! A little hard work and a fill really paid off! 🙂

At this point, I would like to add for any of you who thinks that I’m a cheater by having a lap band for losing weight… you try eating a cup of food and not wanting more. Even if you know that you can’t physically do it. You try not having sweets. It’s not easy. I’m working hard. And you know what, if you want to call me a cheater then that’s what I am! I work hard and track my every bite and every step. My way of “cheating” isn’t easy!

Anyways, here are the goals I was given for the month by my doc….

1. Walk 1 mile nightly.

2. Consume no more than 1500 cal/day

3. Track every single bite I put in my mouth.

So that’s what I’m working on. It’s not easy, but I know that it will be worth it. And you know what… I’m proud of myself.

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I’ve been thinking about this post for the past 24 hours. Yesterday when I was talking to Aims on my way to a meeting after we started talking about our eating she asked me the dreaded question, “well, how much are you weighing now?”. I hate that question with a passion. I’m embarrassed by the number and don’t like admitting it to myself, let alone my sis-wu. {That’s the reason you all don’t know my special number} But for some reason yesterday I told Amy. I also explained that between November and December I gained 10lbs. Gulp. She then told me that she wanted to lose “X” amount by the time we have our family vacation in August, and told me that if we lost 10lbs a month we’d be down 50lbs by that time. To which I quickly informed her that I couldn’t pull those numbers any more after maintaining my weight for almost 2 years. Amy was encouraging and told me, “yes you can, you just have to switch up what you are doing”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve given people this EXACT advice. It really got me thinking. We all know that quote about “if you do what you’ve always done you’re going to get what you’ve always gotten” {I’m paraphrasing} I don’t know why I think I was going to get different results by doing the same things. Because I’m not. So… Amy and I are going to be checking in and keeping each other honest. I thought about calling her today while I was at work and could have killed a person for chocolate, but I didn’t, I just grabbed a Kroger Carb Master yogurt {you really have to try these, folks!!!} and sat at my desk proud of my decision.

So, this next week I’m switching it up. Saturday me and my bestie are going to make dinner for the week so I’ll be prepared and will have healthy meals waiting for me to eat up. I’m also going to exercise 3 times next week. I weighed this morning and am down 2.2 lbs {freaking about time} and I hope to report a similar number next week!

Ohhh, also, I’m going to post what I made for dinner tonight. LOVE this super easy, low carb recipe I found on pinterest! Try it, tell me what you think!! Ohhh, and I’d love you if you posted meals for me to try too, switchin it up is easier when you have new things to try!!

Enchilada Casserole

3 chicken breasts {shredded or use a rotisserie chicken if you are short on time}

So, cook your chicken, shread it and mix with the other ingredients, except the cheese. Put in a casserole dish and cover with cheese. Cook at 350 for about 30 min. YUM! Adding a dollip of sour cream makes this Ahhhh-may-zing!!! Bon Appetit!

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These past two weeks have been major stressful. It’s a VERY long story, but the short version is that the hubs has been sick for about 7 months now and the past two weeks we’ve gotten answers as to what it is but more questions have been raised. And he was hospitalized yesterday with what appeared to be a heart attack {this smart girl called 911 at 6:45 am when the hubs almost passed out from shortness of breath and chest and arm pains}. Talk about scary. Thankfully, they have ruled out that what happened yesterday was not a heart attack, but more tests, and a few more days in the hospital.

Stress does a number to me. I’m a stress eater. I am not too proud to admit that I indulged in the Devil’s drugs {ice cream, sugar, carbs} more than a few times during the past few weeks. But last night, something happened. It was 8:00 and I was still up at the hospital with Bry and because of some testing he had to have done he couldn’t eat or drink anything until after the tests, so I was being supportive and didn’t eat or drink anything either {I know, I’m ridiculously nice, huh?}. Well, when they gave him the go ahead to eat, I realized I hadn’t ordered myself dinner before the cafeteria closed. So I hit the vending machine and guess what I bought… a Lean Cusine. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. 250 calories that really, actually, weren’t that bad. I felt so good about my choice. I was PROUD of myself. Then, this morning, I weighed for the first time since Saturday… and I was down 4.2lbs!!!! Maybe this stress thing WAS working for me! 😉 Just kidding, seriously. But I was proud of some small victories.

It’s late and I just got home, but I want to set my goals for the next week. I’m making them super simple because complex just isn’t going to work for me unless we want me to be posting from a psych unit… 🙂

1. I’m really going to try HARD not to put myself down {I recognized today how many times I call myself “fat” it’s just not good}

2. I will actually go with my neighbors on their morning walks they’ve invited me on M, W, and F… 6am

3. I will get out the shorts I bought last summer and hang them up on my mirror on my dresser. They are 2 sizes too small and are my motivational shorts! 🙂

4. I will remember I’m human, and regardless of how hard I try, I may “mess up”… but that doesn’t mean life is over, it just means I try harder… but put it behind me first.

And remember, “You aren’t going to get the butt you want, by sitting on the one you have!” 🙂