“I Once Was Blind”

“Daunted”… but Ross King to the rescue!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find me, when you seek Me with all your heart.” –Jeremiah 29:11-13

Yesterday was a crazy day.

I had some big things on my mind, and they were heavy on my heart. I was thinking about the big picture, and probably getting way ahead of myself. As I think more about it, I realize that two decisions that I really don’t have to make now were troubling me more than they probably should have. And they are two decisions that could each change at any time. One thing is for sure, with as heavy as both situations were on my mind and heart yesterday, I am very glad that these things are out of my control. I am sure that I will look back on this time in my life and clearly see that God was in control the entire time.

The two issues that were daunting me were 1) singleness vs. mariedness and 2) where to serve.

1) Sometimes it would be nice to be able to see the big picture. One example of where this would help is in whether God has intended for me to be single or married. I know that I am to fight against temptations, but I am uncertain as to whether I am learning to fight those temptations so that I will someday be a better husband, or so that I will be prepared to persevere throughout a life of singleness, or possibly even a long stretch of singleness and then marriage. The second issue also intertwines with this one. For example, if I am going to do foreign missions, then I think in a lot of ways it would be better if I was single. I would not have the added burden (although it would surely be a welcomed burden if it was to happen) of providing financially for a wife, and time and energy that I would have to (willingly and joyfully) invest into a relationship, is time and energy that I could be investing towards the Kingdom.

It is definitely a possibility that I could marry a girl who is willing to tag along for the whole missions thing, but I’m pretty sure that I would be less willing to go to more dangerous areas if I was taking a wife in with me.

Also, it would be nice to know which end I have been appointed to so that I know whether or not I should be looking now. I believe that either way I should be willing to be single for the duration of my life if that is the plan God has for me, and I absolutely am so willing right now. But, I also know that, “it is not good for the man to be alone,” and long for a, “helper fit for [me]” (Genesis 2:18). If I am not destined for singleness, then perhaps I should be looking now.

So I go through this awkward alternation where I am determined that I am destined for singleness and then think that maybe I need to be looking for “her” just in case “she” is out there. What is awkward about it is that I go from not thinking about the possibility of any romantic connection with any girls that I meet to over-analyzing every encounter with every girl I make eye contact with. I don’t believe our God is a God of coincidences, so when I am in “looking” mode, then every girl that I “happen” to share an elevator with could be “the one.”

2) Where to serve. As daunting as the issue of singleness vs. marriedness is, and as unfathomable as it is to think that, if He will indeed bless me with a wife, God has created one girl, out of all the millions that are out there, for me, the issue of where to serve is more daunting, and was by far the heavier of the two on my heart yesterday.

Just the thought that there are people groups who have not been reached by the Gospel of Jesus Christ brings heartache. And then when I feel the passion to go where the Gospel hasn’t gone most strongly, I think of all that needs to be done right here in America. I was overwhelmed yesterday as I thought of all the work there is to do for the Kingdom, and as I contrasted that with how comparitively insignificant I am and how little I can do.

With all of this uncertainty, it is great to know that, “Our God is in the heavens; He does all that He pleases” (Psalm 115:3). It is His job to do all the big stuff, my job is just to do whatever work He gives me with all His might. It also helps that I’m starting to grasp how the incomparable grace that God has shown to me indebts me not to God, but to others- whether American or foreigner, wise or foolish.

Ross King definitely came to the rescue yesterday as well. His CD “To Make God Famous vol. 2” was either the perfect CD for the mood that I was in yesterday or it is the greatest CD in the history of CD’s, or both. Most fitting, I think, for all of the issues that were on my heart and mind yesterday was the song “Whatever You Ask.”

“Whatever You Ask”

Whatever You ask of me, I know my answer will be ‘yes Lord, yes Lord’
Whatever You desire, I won’t say no
Whatever You ask of me, I know my answer will be ‘yes Lord, yes Lord’
Wherever You call me, I’ll gladly go

The fields are ripe for harvest, few workers can be found
Your worth much more than life is, so I will gladly lay mine down

Whatever You ask of me, I know my answer will be ‘yes Lord, yes Lord’
Whatever You desire, I won’t say no
Whatever You ask of me, I know my answer will be ‘yes Lord, yes Lord’
Wherever you call me, I’ll gladly go

Your glory Lord compells me and causes me to rise
I’ll follow where you lead me, even if it costs my life

Like this:

Related

First of all, I want to say that I hope you don’t mind that I am perusing your blog now and again. lol I’m not stalking you, don’t worry.

I have two things to say in response to this:
1) There are women out there who are eager to get their hands dirty on the mission field. It won’t be a matter of a girl “wanting to tag along”. I recently wrote an entry based on a statistic I read that there are ten single female missionaries for every one single male missionary. If missions is what God has called you to, there are lots of us single missionaries out there. lol, your chances of getting married are better than mine. For me, I look at that statistic and go, yeeeaaah what are the chances that I will meet a guy who will actually share my desire to go to the ends of the earth before I go? Because it sure isn’t looking good afterward, haha. That’s lots of women to choose from! 🙂

However, if that statistic is indeed true, then there is something wrong, yes? If God has called you, don’t hesitate. It seems that the men of our world are either holding back for some reason, or waiting for a mate prior to leaving. The latter is not necessarily wrong. God doesn’t need us, but God does expect us to obey. If you are called, don’t abandon that. Single or otherwise.

2) God doesn’t need your help! He brought wisemen to the infant Jesus based on an astrological phenomenon. If God meant for you to have a wife, he will bring her to you. He’s pretty cool that way.

Anyway, I don’t know you, and this is weird, I’ll admit. But these are things I am discovering in my own life, and I seem to be learning them the hard way. But be encouraged, you are not alone in your ponderings.
Blessings to you.

I was 27 years old when Jeff and I married. All the old ladies at church had given up asking if I’d found anyone – we all assumed, I guess, that I was destined to be an “old maid.” It kept crossing my mind that the older a woman gets, the narrower the field of possible choices becomes, until all she’s left to choose from are guys who come with the baggage of a divorce and step-kids. But God is good, and in two weeks, Jeff and I will celebrate 18 years together.

It’s hard to wait, especially when we can’t see any indication of a plan in the works. If we could just KNOW … but God calls us to faith, which is NOT knowing, but believing. Like you, I find strength in a song when I start to get anxious or impatient —

“God will make a way, where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me
He will be my guide, hold me safe against His side,
With love and strength for each new day
God will make a way, God will make a way.”

I pray you’ll find someone who will be a partner with you in life and in faith.

Psalm 37:4-7
“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently on him.”

You know the arrow in the right hand corner of “my dashboard” where you can randomly see a blog? My second or third day with wordpress I finally pressed that button, and yours was the first blog to pop up. I love reading your entries, and seeing the unabashed desire to share the good news. I also see your desire to have someone, and I’ve been thinking about this entry and wanted to share this passage with you. A friend of mine recently gave me this passage to ponder and be encouraged by, because I can relate to your situation like I was reading something I wrote myself. You clearly are striving for God’s glory, and he will answer your call for a wife because of your faithfulness (and yes, that includes the days when we feel like we suck at life). You’re putting in the “work” (key word is delight), and I believe that means you will receive the blessing. God is crazy awesome that way.

I don’t think it was by coincidence that I found your blog, and I would like to pray for you as I remember to do so. If what you write is even a fraction of your passion for him, then God’s gonna do big things through you. You never know, you might be some big wig pastor or missionary someday and I’ll be able to say, I wrote on that dude’s blog once ;).

thanks Karis and Doc Marlow, I am definitely encouraged by your words and always in need of encouragement.

I’m feeling a lot better about the situation than I was when I wrote this. Whether God intended for me to be married or single, I don’t know. What I do know is that He obviously intended for me to be single right now, because I am. And Karis, your definitely right- if “she” is to come, God will bring “her” to me!