Discussion and resource forum for women who have had past severe trauma, such as rape, affect their lives. You are not alone.
It's okay to be angry.

No means no

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Are you a supporter?

Around the world on 14
February, women and men of all nationalities came together to celebrate V-Day,
Eve Ensler’s vision of One Billion Rising to raise awareness of sexual violence
against women and children.I watched
many heartwarming videos from all around the globe, but one moment in one
video, for me, stood out above all else.

OBR participants at Bryon Bay

In Bryon Bay, several
hundred men, women and children gathered on the beach to dance to “Break the
Chain”, the signature theme written last year for V-Day. The organiser asked
those present to raise their hand if they had been, or knew someone who had
been, raped or sexually abused. The response was stunning. As the camera panned
the crowd there were very few people who did not have a hand up. Even a chap
watching from up the hill raised his hand.

While this response
might have been predicted from an event for which sexual assault awareness was
the aim, it was still confronting to see so many hands up. Whether this means
that sexual assault is becoming less of a taboo subject, or whether events like
V-Day are empowering survivors to come forward, the result is the same –
awareness of a huge problem that spans the globe.

Until very recently,
many rape survivors would not have had the courage to raise their hands in
public like that. Many will have blocked the trauma from their accessible
memory, and simply don’t want to remember.But for those of us who do remember, who can’t block it any more, being
heard, being believed, is an essential part of healing and moving forward.

It is common for survivors
of rape and sexual assault to go into a stage of denial after the trauma. They may
become agitated when the subject is raised, they may lose their self-esteem,
their moods may swing alarmingly, and ultimately they stabilize themselves by
denying the event ever happened. Some manage to completely blank out the
trauma, and have no recall. Until another traumatic event, often not connected,
stirs the memory.

The three stages of
RTS are very well described in an article by Healing Our Past Experiences
(HOPE), a British website developed by a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Rape
Trauma Syndrome or rape-related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder may not be
apparent for years after the event, and often not until the survivor reaches
the third stage of RTS, the Resolution Stage.

Most survivors of
sexual assault and rape which happened years ago will never see justice. Their
lives may have been affected in ways that they could never verbalise, because
they can’t talk of something that might
have happened if their trauma didn’t.
Who can ever predict what our alternative future might have been? So we find
different ways to feel that we are getting a form of justice. We become vocal
advocates for events like One Billion Rising, we put ourselves out there on
stage in plays like the

Article about 2013 Brisbane performance of TVM

Vagina Monologues,
we spread awareness, we call out sexism which degrades women and girls when we
hear it, we become feminists. And all while we are dealing with our own RTS and
on-going healing.

RTS can affect a survivor
for their entire life. Some may trigger at certain sights, sounds, smells. Some
may become increasingly jealous of their personal space. Some may choose to
live as much as possible of their lives in a world without men. No-one can say
if they are right or wrong in their approach to managing their own RTS. There
is no one uniform way of dealing with it, no magic “formula” to get over such a
major trauma. But time and again, the one thing that shines through all the
stories, for me at least, is that success comes from being with people who are aware and who care. Support networks, whether family, friends or simply acquaintances
who will listen and empathise, are essential for recovery. Too many people don’t
have a support network, and they’re the ones who fall through the cracks – both
of government assistance and society in general.

There are many
wonderful organisations in every major city and most regional towns providing
support services, but sometimes it needs encouragement from someone in your own
network to help you take that first step.