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Sunday, 20 May 2018

Among all issues, I was actually getting anxious over Ramadan starting. The night while I sent out 'Ramadan Mubarak' texts to my friend and family, I thought, how will I survive it? How will I fast? Am I prepared? Ramadan came back too soon. Has it been a year already? All these thoughts keep spinning in my mind. I keep thinking about how this is my first Ramadan without my father and how my last Ramadan was spent in the hospital when he was ill. Knowing my father wasn't able to eat or drink directly from his mouth, me and my younger sister prepared sehri and iftar for each other at home, while my mother and elder sister stayed at the hospital. Every time I would break my fast, I felt disgusted with myself. I felt guilty for eating. I spent my afternoons at AKUH's waiting areas because only 1 attendant per patient was allowed inside the air-conditioned waiting rooms. I wasn't allowed to stay over the night because I would cry like a maniac and wake everybody up. When my father was shifted to the ward, that's when we had iftar together. In the tiny space beside the bed, we would sprawl out a bed sheet and arrange fruits and sandwiches. And hide away from the security guards who'd tell us again and again that visiting hours were over.It was all too much to handle at the moment. Ramadan and Eid was supposed to bring families together and mine was being separated and broken. I think I just turned off my emotions. And now things are coming back to me. I'm struggling, both emotionally and physically but I will keep fasting and fight this anxiety and depressive phase in my life, in the hopes that something good will come out of this. Something's bound to.

Monday, 7 May 2018

Whenever there’s a sale at Generation I always pounce to the
trousers section. It’s a load of treasure; Skirts, ghararas, palazzos, harems -
anything gypsy-like I cannot find at other stores, that too at an extremely reasonable
price tag. On my most recent trip, I saw
this gharara pant and fell in love.

It’s a pretty flouncy, gharara pant fused with a formal dress
pant. Like, whaaaat? Who does fusion wear better than Generation? NO ONE. So, there’s your zip and handy pockets, the amazing stitching and thick
fabric. This trouser would be perfect for formal events, if worn with the right accessories and a collared shirt. And wait till I tell
you the price. Believe it or not, I got this PKR 2400 pant (which was pretty
reasonable to begin with) for PKR 700! That too in my size! I kept confirming
with the salesperson if the price tag wasn’t lying to me. But remember, always confirm
your size before the price. At situations like these we tend to hurry off with our amazingly
discounted find, without checking the size first. I know the try rooms are off
limits during sales. You can put it against you in front of a mirror and check
the waist. And don’t worry no one’s looking, ‘cause they're too busy searching for a
good bargain.

On several other occasions, I found some amazing screen
printed palazzos and some printed tulips from Generation, that I wear with
short tops or collared shirts and they look great as formals! If you’re like me and don’t
shop from the regular prêt sections or get 3-piece lawn, but rather love
putting on outfits together and collecting different clothing articles, then
Generation is a great store to check out.

Tuesday, 10 April 2018

For those you don't know my reason of being away, I've been in the middle
of a personal tragedy. My father fell ill suddenly, and went to heaven, leaving
me, my two sisters and mother behind. We took over responsibilities that I
couldn't have ever dreamt of and I've seen my father in a state that I wouldn't
wish upon anyone in this world. An educated professor, inside a locked hospital
room with no windows, not able to take decisions regarding his own life - the sight suffocated me. All this took a toll on me and
I literally forgot the things that I used to do before, because these events
were all that I could think of. I've been trying to be normal. I took a short
course in Graphic Design. I started doing illustrations and I guess my blog was
the next in line, to make me normal again. But I just couldn't bring myself to
blog. I didn't know what my first come-back blog would be. How can I even
describe to you what I've been through. So, instead of thinking thinking
thinking, I just started to write. And here it is.

A few days after my father's death, I got an interview call from
SanaSafinaz. That was like a God sent signal of hope for me. I fixed up my
portfolio and gave the interview, even though at time I had zero confidence in
myself. But, I did it. Then I took up some illustration projects. The book I
was illustrating then, Stan The Plant Eater by Jr. Bedwell - it's out now and
you can check it out here.

There was also a good news - my sister was getting married on the 1st of
December. That kept us all quite busy. I had been designing dresses for her and
the rest of us, which has been really great for me because,

a) it's a good
distraction from sadness, and

b) it was going to help me kick-start my clothing
business.

I gave another interview during the wedding celebrations – At OUP for
an illustrator position. No response.

Once the wedding ended, that’s when everything hit us. The house that was
always so small for the five of us, became too big for the three of us. It was
my 25th birthday and I found out I had stomach ulcer caused by
Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I became too breathless to talk, too shaky to
take photos or paint, just too weak to function.

I’ve spent the past 3 months trying to develop a diet and a routine to suit
my condition and pushing myself to be normal – whatever normal is. In the midst
of this, I gave another job interview; no luck. But, something good did come
out of all this; out of having panic attacks in the middle hospital waiting
rooms, out of not being able to get up in the morning, out of being rejected
from jobs, out of not having anything to look forward to; I’ve started to
deliver my feelings onto paper. My paintings seem true. And I am also going to
start my clothing store very soon now. Even though every night I sleep with a
heart full of doubts and I don’t have much planned out, there’s one thing I’ve
decided; I’m just going to go with the flow.

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Hey everyone! The following books I wanted to cover individually, because each of them is so amazing, but you know how busy I have been in the past year. So, here they are, my favorite fantasy novels from 2015 to 2016!