Julia Kahn

If you’ve ever met, encountered, seen, or heard of Julia Kahn then you probably already know that she is from Chicago. She is very proud of that.

Local New Haven bird watchers inform us that on the night the Chicago Cubs won the World Series, Julia Kahn was spotted clinging to the top spires of Harkness Tower, screaming a victory song and pounding her chest, in a near-perfect shot-for-shot remake of King Kong.

But let’s suppose for a moment that you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting, encountering, seeing, or hearing about Julia Kahn (and that you didn’t happen to hear her piercing victory cry that night of the World Series)—how might you spot her?

Easy. First step is knowing where to look. Wild Julia sightings are often reported around the Silliman College quad, or at Blue State Coffee. According to one friend of Julia, who asked to remain anonymous, “Blue State is her one true love.”The next step is to know what to look for. The most defining characteristic of Julia may be her curly hair, which is lauded in all 7 continents as one of the modern wonders of the world. Noted physics scholars have often cited Julia Kahn’s hair as the inspiration for the invention of the spring in the early 14th century, and the advent of the Krazy Straw in the early 18th century.​The last time Pantene used the word “Volume” in one of their shampoo advertisements, Julia Kahn successfully sued them for trademark infringement.Sources close to Julia also report that, “she is legit obsessed with Spain” (which one might expect from a Latin American Studies major), and that, “she is obsessed with bullfighting,” which is both troubling and endearing in equal measure. So, the next time you’re in Blue State, and you spot a curly haired Chicagoan eating a yogurt Parfait, singing in Spanish, and dressed like a matador, you’re in luck! Go over and introduce yourself to Julia Kahn.

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