My favourite oddball Christmas greeting is “Feed the people. Stay alive!”, delivered in the best working-class Scottish accent I can muster. It’s what Bruce Watson, guitarist from the band Big Country, says for his portion of the greetings from the Band Aid artists on the extended version of the 1984 charity single Do They Know It’s Christmas?

It’s Christmas Eve, and as tradition on this blog dictates, I’m pointing you to a heart-warming (and pants-squirming) story about friendship, the Spirit of Christmas, and the importance of below-the-equator hygiene: The Best Christmas Present Ever, a blog entry from December 24, 2002. Enjoy!

Here’s hoping that my fellow residents of Accordion City can flick on a lightswitch at home this Christmas Eve and say…

And if that’s not the case, here’s hoping that this classic, featuring He-Man performing the club version of Four Non Blondes’What’s Up cheers you up and keeps you warm (and fabulous):

And well, if that doesn’t work, try Yogscasts’s pork-and-barbarian-themed parody of the He-Man/Four Non Blondes video. If it doesn’t cheer you up, at least it’ll have you wondering “what the hell did I just watch?”.

It’s going to be chilly out for the next couple of days while the hard-working crews at Toronto Hydro are probably sacrificing their holiday break to restore power. The temperature is expected to hang around -10 degrees C (14 degrees F)…

…so if you see these guys out on the street, show them some Christmas spirit and thank them for working during the holidays under some pretty bad conditions. Offer to buy them coffee, tea, or hot chocolate — they’re earning it.

Yeah, I know that our Rob Ford’s official mayoral Twitter account, @TOMayorFord, is maintained by someone (or more likely, a group of someones) other than our Peter Griffin-esque mayor. However, it is maintained by someone employed by City Hall and speaking using the mayor’s position and mantle, so you’d think that they’d at least strive to hand out good information in the middle of a power outage that left more than a quarter million people without heat and power.

DO NOT follow this advice. DO NOT call 911 to report a downed electrical line. 911 is for emergencies that threaten life and limb if they’re not responded to immediately. 911 is not for downed power lines; for those, call 416-542-8000.

Imagine a horror movie where the young kids on spring break take a look at the decrepit old cabin that they’re supposed to stay in, say “screw this, we’re going to Cabo!”. Where a guy turns down an invitation to spend a night in a haunted insane asylum with the cheerleading squad and a ouija board. Where the kid refuses to play with the Hellraiser cube. Where the people refuse to play the cursed videotape that kills you in a week if you watch it. Where the characters have common sense and good decision-making skills.

That movie is HELL NO. And it’s a little anticlimactic. But you’ll be nodding your head and saying “Yeah, that was the right thing to do.”

A little swearing in the video. May not be suitable for your workplace.