Sian! It's Monday again and too soon it will be the last episode of Girls Out Loud!!!

Really looking forward to it though, coz the last ep will be the most fabulous of all, inclusive of the all gory nose job. I hope the censors let it in!

10pm, Channel 5 - Monday!

I saw a bangala worker nursing a smashed head wound today at Teban Gdns!! He was dripping blood on the ground and his friend was helping him. It looks like someone hit him on the head with some beer bottle!

Poor guy.

Speaking of beer bottle smashing, I've always wanted to try smashing one at the edge of the table but I am afraid I will cut myself/glass fly into eyeball, etc, so I never really got to doing it.

I heard tho, that if you smash the bottle against the table like they do in the movies, the bottle will break very close to the part where you hold it, i.e. more than 2/3 of the bottle will be gone, leaving you with a ridiculous-looking stump of a bottle.

Sounds really stupid! I am imagining some stupid ah beng breaking the bottle and then looking totally flustered and embarrassed in front of his enemy, and cue *kua kua kua* music. Ha!!

Anyway, regarding the video, I didn't think it is racist! It's the guy's angry reaction that's funny, and the way he speaks. The way he speaks is funny not because of his Indian accent, but because he speaks funny. *shrugs*

As for the muslim thing, well, it's just like going into a vegetarian restaurant asking for meat, isn't it? Just very ridiculous-sounding, but nothing malicious. :)

Mike's in the shower and I thought I'd quickly blog something before you guys hold a grudge against me.

I was out with my cousin Cally to try on her wedding gown the other day, and my relatives were all commenting that the nose looked a bit crooked.

I think this is coz I bumped into Mike's nose the other day when we were *blush* kissing, and now the implant has shifted into a weirdass position!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!

Horrors of horrors.

Before I had another appointment with Dr Huang, I was trying to make it look straight on the mirror, and I realised, to do that, I have to smile a strange loop-sided smile!! Ah, that explains some things.

So yeah lor, people who are thinking of doing nose jobs - don't think that the adventure ends after the surgery! Got to keep being cautious and everything.

I attempted to dig my nose the other day (first time in 2 months!) and the nostril seemed so small and delicate, even the last finger can't fit in! Didn't know the bloody nose holes used to be so big!

I went to see Dr Huang, and the first thing he said when he saw me was, "It's crooked now."

I was like, -_-|| Dammit!

So yeah lor, he tried to push the implant back into position, and it was quite painful. :( Good news is that he said it still can be rectified and instructed me to keep on massaging it everyday. :(

And I kept massaging it, then it obtained a FUCKING LOAD of blackheads, and Cellnique can't even work coz as long as the blackheads come out I go ahead and massage some more into the pores.

Even better, two pimples grew on each side of the nose, and they CAN'T BE SQUEEZED due to their awkward positioning and fragile nature of my breathe hole.

So in conclusion, my nose is crooked, full of blackheads, and has two zits on it.

All that because of a little bit of enthusiastic kissing. GOD DAMN!

*******************************

It appears to me that there seems to be an ebb of bloggers attempting to make blogging their living too.

I am pretty annoyed, coz before me, in Singapore at least, there was no one else.

No other full-time blogger.

I had to come out with the prices, the strategies, the methods, all by myself, and people are simply lifting them off me now, because I have proven to make things work.

That's ok, shit happens.

What I'm not ok with is when bloggers do not follow a code of ethics.

I remember the era where there was only mrbrown, Miyagi, and myself... Those were good times, and the boys were honest bloggers. We discussed stuff like blog ethics and how to earn money and at the same time remain real and truthful to our readers.

If you want to advertise, make it clear it is an advertisement, else nobody is ever going to trust the things you say the next time you introduce products or services.

Or worse, if blog readers find out about dishonesty? That I don't even want to imagine.

Once, it was student recruitment time, and a polytechnic approached me to do advertising on my blog.

We discussed about advertorials, and the fee came up to $5,000 worth of money, but the big guys were were not comfortable with the tiny "Advertorial" word on the top of my paid blog entries.

Guy asked me if I could not put THAT word up - they are willing to pay much more without it. Board might get some controversy if they were seen advertising with someone who wrote about handicapped toilets, they said.

I won't say I wasn't tempted - $5,000 is a bloody lot of money.

And it will be easy, all I have to say is that I visited the polytechnic and took some photos...

Sorry for the long delay in updates, there seems to be nothing really much going on in my life recently unless you count I tio bao in MJ for Benny's spectacular Da San Yuan, in which the red, green and white is all I throw one.

He got 4 tai outside also so bao big card, and I threw the hong zhong coz I got 1 colour and 1 centipede, then tio bao. Then after that I got fa cai and I throw again, bao bai ban. Then I throw the bai ban!! I reckon better I throw than he zi mo, correct?

Bahness.

Back to happier news: Mike is coming to Singapore again!!!!

I am sooooo happy! It's great to have a boyfriend! Now I won't have to fret on Valentine's day coz he will be here!! :D

On V day we would have been together for 11 months already leh! Woah! Mike officially broke Larry's (1998-1999) all-time-high record of 10 months!

ALL WELCOME THE CHAMPION! He is now officially called "The Love of My Life"!

I need to break the cursed 1 year benchmark. I'd then officially be one of those girls with long-term stable relationships!!

Speaking of long-term relationships, I was having a nice chat with Qihua that day about why she is soooooo bloody popular with boys.

Digressing!

Zapzap and her are officially the most passionate and dramatic couple I've ever seen; they break up every few weeks or so, and each becomes suicidal and super depressed, then get back together and love each other more than ever (to the glee of me, who will get invited to play endless mj with them), then break up again when things get a tad too stable and boring.

If I ever write a book, the characters will include Qihua, Zapzap and Adrian Mah because they all have very interesting and fascinating characters. (Adrian taking the trophy because it is just impossible that someone can get everyone (including guys) to like him).

Maybe I will put them all in some love triangle with Zapzap liking Adrian and Adrian liking Qihua and Qihua liking Zapzap. There will also be a pet dog who is neurotic and 1 fat chef (comic relief) and a guy with intricate tattoos all over him trying to break out of prison to save his brother who was maligned for murder.

They will then all fly on a plane to escape, when the plane crashes and they all get lost on an island. Black smoke follows the characters and some of them die. The island happens to contain 4 housewives, of which 3 are desperate and the other one is just normal and a pretty good cook.

The non-desperate housewife falls in love with the fat chef and they cook a lot of good food for everyone. The end of the story is that Qihua, Zapzap and Adrian all becomes damn fat (yummy food you see) and the neurotic dog rolls them into the ocean when they are asleep.

They were never found again.

End of story. Sounds excellent already!

Back to before we were digressed by me, I was talking about how Qihua is so popular with boys.

Everytime she and Zapzap has a break-up a lot of boys will swamp for her and a lot of girls will swamp for Zapzap (allegedly including Le Yao, whom Maia (Lee) called a "china chicken", haha).

I keep getting people ASSUMING that I get chased by boys too, but as I was telling Qihua, that's really far from the truth.

There's just something weird about me, because I hate being hypocritical and fake to a frightening extent.

So you know that sort of situation where some friend of yours likes you, and when you guys go out he gives out hints that he is interested, and it is super awkward if you don't like him back?

I just hate bring put in that situation!

And besides, my expectations for boys are really high (if you are not super cute you better be a minister's son at least), so if I see someone I am not physically attracted to, I immediately try to give off a vibe that I am gross, nonchalant and too loud, so that the boys won't even have a chance to like me and put me in that situation.

Of course, most of the girls around try to be sweet and cute all the time, but I really don't like the consequences of doing that (ie some weird guy liking me).

Afterall, what's in that to lose for flirting around? You get guys showering you with gifts, driving you around, and paying for dates.

I don't know how these girls can stand that sort of awkwardness though. For one I feel bloody bad when boys are nice and I know I won't be with them ever, and second I feel at some point that I am obligated to kiss him or something to return him his kindness towards me...

(As you can see I don't believe in chasing. If I didn't express an interest from the start it probably means I will never be with you no matter whether you tattoo my name all over your ass.)

So, the results of me being like this (all uncouth and gross and mainly, STRONG) is that all the boys treat me as one of the boys, and any talk of them, ie, kissing me, is enough to make them puke (bloody incestuous and wrong).

And they send the vulnerable and even mildly attainable girls home and I am left to take a cab.

Which is kind of mean! because I don't think I am unattractive, just that I chose not to be attractive in front of men I don't like.

Other girls are cute. Wendy? Wendy is ...

I remember Mike being so confused when Kelvin and the rest of the boys acted like I was super undesirable and ugly.

Back when I was with Mike's friends in the states, he told me that almost all of the guys there thought I am hot (obviously I can't act gross in front of his friends because he would also see it).

Race issue aside, I really believe that how a girl acts is the key to how many people like her.

But I have no one to blame but myself for this, of course. I don't even know why I act this way, except I really hate feeling fake (ironic since my nose is plastic). Well, at least I don't get entwined into some bloody love complex.

Woo! As I am writing I suddenly realised Shuyin is like that too, she acts totally different around the boys she is interested in! (which is about a grand total of 2, ever) I just realised both of us do not display our vulnerabilities around men, which is one key to get them to like you - to make them feel like they have to protect you.

Love Shuyin! She is the sort whom, if you bring to meet your crush, won't cause the crush to fall in love with her kind. :D

I don't know what's the point of this rant.

Hmmm, I wonder if I have lost the art of flirting completely? When I was in secondary school I did it so well that I had a new boyfriend like every week (of course then, expectations were a lot lower), even when I was attached.

When I am attached now I behave even more grossly around boys I don't like, because I know I am not a strong-willed person and even less so when I am attracted, so I am not gonna even let temptation in.

Just that day at MoS there was this multi-tattooed guy coming up to me. He said, "Hey there, pretty dress you have!"

I smiled at him and said thank you.

Still wearing the same grin on his face, he continued by saying,

"Are you pregnant?"

Taken aback, I said, "What? Nooo..." instead of a clever retort.

Throughout the night I got more pissed off as I thought about it, and even contemplated pouring some ice-cold drink onto his skinhead, but my nose bandages just got off so I was quite scared he would punch my nose.

I just can't take it that I let him do that to me! I am plump la, but certainly not pregnant-fat ok!

Urgggghhhhhhh!

He was sitting at the next table and kept shooting long steady stares at me, like not even looking away when catching eye-contact. I was like, What's up with this guy man?! He got death wish is it?!

Imagine my trauma when later on this guy appeared in the same house party I was in. -_- Kuakua.

And not only that, he walked over to me, and said the following in exactly the accent you can imagine,

"Peace about what?!" I snapped back. True what. What sort of fuck is "Peace man"? Does it constitute to an apology? If you want to make peace, then say sorry properly instead of acting like it is both our faults when I didn't do anything wrong except sit there (perhaps in a pregnant manner).

He replied, "Hey... just chill man, chill... Peace."

PEACE LAN JIAO! I hate it when people ask me to chill or relax lor! Only gets me super geared up. And I hate even more when people do this black people speech thing!

I asked him again, Peace about what? and we repeated this cycle ("peace man" "peace about what" "just peace man..." "PEACE ABOUT WHAT?!") a few times including him actually sticking out his knuckled fist for me to hit, supposedly symbolising peace... not.

*roll eyes*

He got angry at this point, and said, "Oh, so you being cocky now?!" and that got me really pissed off (hate people calling me cocky - and also pregnant) so I shouted and said,

"You calling me cocky when you come up to me and call me fat when I was doing nothing to you?!" or something to that effect, but he already walked to the nearby table and was grumbling to himself about what a bitch I am.

Grrrr! Our mutual friend stepped in at this point and told him off for calling me pregnant (looking back, the insult is really pretty funny), so things ended on a pretty sour note.

That's not the amazing part. The amazing part is later on, I realised that he was hitting on me!!!!!

That's his way of hitting on girls, to first praise then insult, and it supposedly works!

According to Kelvin, this way the girls seek to get his validation, and get him to praise them again.

It's a really weird method, and maybe the theory works, but you can't time the praise and the insult so close together lar!

Anyway, I am soooo not the sort of girl whom you can pull such tricks on. I am not afraid of making a scene, and I have enough friends and someone I love loving me back, so I don't seek his validation in the least.

But I forgive him. Afterall, his intentions were good (although the peace and chill part is just juvenile. Act hiphop!).

Anyway, have you people been watching Girls Out Loud OR NOT?!!!!

In the next episode you will see my nose job's prelude, and also an embarrassing glimpse of me without make up, which is horrifying to say the least.

There we go again... Once we touch the untouchables - the raped, the handicapped, the terminally ill, the deformed, the whatevers - people start getting all riled up and angry, before they even hear properly what you have to say.

How about this? Just because someone is victimized, somehow, by society, someone else or by their own misfortune, it DOES NOT MEAN THEY CAN DO NO WRONG.

A handicapped person can also be mean, unreasonable. Maybe yes, because he is shortchanged in life we try to give in to him, but meanness is meanness, and cannot be justified just because he is in a wheelchair.

In that case, if a healthy walking person is mean, you judge him - then isn't it very unfair to the physically abled person? What IF he has some sort of mental disability inside him that made him mean?

Meanness seems mild - I'm just using it because of my blog entry about handicapped toilets, but feel free to replace it with any other unpleasant word.

If you want to be a bloody moral saint, be FAIR, and do not judge ANYONE, and not just for those you can SEE are already victimized in life.

It just pisses me off when people behave that way, all because they want to appear morally righteous and act as if they care - but do they, really?

NOPE. They don't.

They are sympathetizers: useless, loud-mouthed fucks who do nothing. They go, "Aiyoh, so poor thing!" and leave it as that, yet because they feel more sympathy than they feel realism, they feel free to lecture others, claiming moral high ground.

You think Nicole cares if you defend her by writing a bloody comment online? SHE DOESN'T. If you really think you are so passionate about this issue, get your lardass off your swivelly computer chair, and go volunteer to befriend rape victims, ok?

TALK IS CHEAP. I can also say, "Wah, this Xiaxue so mean, see, I am insulting her, see, it means that I am a better person than her."

Doesn't mean anything until you prove yourself. For all we know, you could be a sick paedophillic necrophillic incestrous cannibal fuck.

Ok, whatever, it appears that it is not in good sense to write a serious issue in a lighthearted way, so let me do it again, maybe this time in a more serious tone.

I'd like to refute the accusations that thus far have been thrown at me:

1) that I think Rape is ok as long as it is by a good looking guy.

2) "Nicole", the rape victim (so called) deserved what she got because she was drunk and probably slutty

*

All these, perhaps largely misinterpreted, are not what I am trying to say. What my blog entry was trying to bring across was only four points:

1) I do not believe Nicole was being raped, but indeed, had consensual sex with Daniel Smith.

I quote myself, "I don't know whether it is just me, but it seems pretty ridiculous to me that the girl got raped."

There were evidence that she got raped, but as far as I am concerned, it is definitely not proof beyond reasonable doubt.

Daniel Smith, in this case, is not a rapist in my mind.

So, to accuse me of saying rape is ok is not possible at all, simply because I don't even think rape occured in this instance!

I can understand how you guys start to get so upset all because you think this is a serious issue and should not be joked about.

Unfortunately for me, I am born with a slight deficiency and somehow cannot see when to stop joking. It is quite sad for me coz I keep pissing people off.

I am not apologizing. I can feel free to believe in what I want to believe in, and I believe rape did NOT occur. The only people who can take offense, are 1) the people who are certain that Nicole got raped and 2) Nicole herself. However, I don't give a shit about these people, because I believe that (1) people are stupid and naive and (2) is a liar.

* Smith invited "Nicole" to Subic area and paid for her transportation

* November 1, 2005 around 10 pm., Smith and 3 US Marine friends went to the Neptune Bar in Subic and met "Nicole" and her step-sister

* After having a good time at the club, Smith, his 3 Marine friends, "Nicole" and a Filipino driver get in a van and head back to the nearby ship

* Once in the van, according to statements made by the Filipino driver and the 3 Marines, Smith and "Nicole" were in the back of the van, their conversations were normal and they were not arguing

* Smith claims consensual sex occurred in the van at the time, that "Nicole" helped him put on a condom and that "Nicole" was lucid enough to consent to sex

* Nicole files rape charges against Smith and 3 other Marines

* The Filipino driver initially claims to the police, no rape occurred

* 2 days later after intense interrogation and possibly being beaten and threatened by the police, the driver signs a statement claiming that rape did occur in the van

* A few days later the driver recants the written statement, is interviewed on national television by no less than the Vice-President of the Philippines and again claims no rape occurred

* The trial gets underway amid an emotionally charged media frenzy that almost demands a conviction

* Daniel Smith is convicted, 3 other Marines acquitted, the Filipino driver was never charged

* The argument of the judge in making his ruling is that "Nicole" was too drunk to give her consent

Without even being in the courtroom to hear all of the testimony it seems clear that there was an obvious error in logic on the part of the judge. If rape did occur within the small space of the van then it would be impossible for the 3 other Marines and the Filipino driver not to know it was happening, so they must be convicted of complicity. Also, if Nicole was too drunk to give her consent to have sex then how could her identification of Smith be deemed reliable?

At no point in my blog entry will you find that I ever mentioned believing that this rape occurred.

You don't know for sure that she did get raped, and I don't know for sure that she didn't. But I am given the freedom to believe in what seems logical to me, and also, I think, the freedom to write my opinions about it. Just like you are free to write your comments about MY opinions, and after that (ain't this sentence long?) I have the freedom to choose whether to publish it on my blog.

Now we go on to the next point I made, which many of you have a problem with.

2) Rape by a good looking person is less traumatizing than rape by an ugly person.

Not totally not traumatizing, but significantly less traumatizing. How little trauma there must be to cross the line to consensual sex, that's the confusing part.

Don't tell me you don't agree with that; surely being raped by a fat smelly person is worse than being raped by Louis Koo.

What I did also mention was that Nicole was over-reacting. Note: I don't believe she got raped, but supposing she did, her reaction to Smith's being convicted to a life sentence in jail was "Thank God."

This is a woman who agreed to get travel alone with 4 foreign guys, danced with Smith, helped him put on a condom, and all while being totally drunk, claimed that she never gave consent.

EVEN IF she indeed did back out of having sex at the last minute, is it justified for her to thank heavens that Smith was jailed a lifetime for a mistake with was also partly her fault?

But I'm not talking about who is at fault here. I am just saying, Nicole's actions prove she was at least attracted to Smith, and perhaps she wasn't prepared to go the last step, but she did indeed willingly make out with him at least.

Being raped by a guy you agreed to making out with surely can't be as bad as being raped by a guy, well, ie Gollum, right? (Unless she actually made out with Gollum too, I'd never know since Gollum is white as well, you know, 500 years ago when he was still a hobbit)

Before you stupid girls start blowing up again, I am not saying date rape is not traumatizing. It is.

I am just saying I think in Nicole case it is not traumatizing enough for her to throw confetti into the air when someone's whole life gets ruined for 10 mins of your life you can't even remember.

3) Am I saying that a good looking person can never be a rapist?

NO. I never said that - only idiots give sweeping statements like that.

What I am saying is that it is just more incredible and unbelievable that a good-looking person is a rapist.

Yes, yes, Ted Bundy. Take note: He is not only a rapist, but more importantly, a grisly murderer. If you have compulsive urge to kill, may as well rape then kill right?

How many of these rapists are good looking like him?

Smith didn't show signs of violence or a history of it, so I think it's unfair to compare him to Bundy, whose looks are not relevant in his rapes and murders. (whereas for Smith's case if he manages to attract a girl enough, he doesn't need to risk getting sued)

Your "it's about the power" logic doesn't work. If Smith really craved this sort of "power", he would not have chosen a girl who knows his name and where he works at to rape. Moreover, he is from USA, a particularly litigious country, and I do not think he doesn't know what shit he can get into if he risks it.

It leaves us with the only option that Smith thought Nicole was being consensual.

4) In the unlikely scenario that Nicole indeed got raped (which I do not believe in, but hypothetically speaking), I think that Nicole asked for it. BUT I don't think she deserved it.

No difference in the two, are you kidding me?

If Mother Teresa went to poke a sleeping lion in the eye, she is ASKING FOR the lion to bite her, but she doesn't DESERVE getting bitten to death.

A lot of you were going on about having drinks is a lady's right, and so is wearing slutty dresses (which many of you are quick to point out that I do too).

Yes, I obviously agree we all can wear whatever we like and it's against the law for people to take advantage of us, but...

There is stupidity, and then there is stupidity.

While the law is working hard to protect us and the education system is trying to drum such values of respect for females into our hot-blooded males, in the meanwhile if you can stay safe, stay safe - instead of testing the boundaries with your own body.

I live in Singapore, where our crime rate is low, and I am always with my peers and sent back home to my doorstep in safety.

If I am going to a crime-infested place, I am not going to be prancing around in a damn bra, am I now?

So yeah, I don't see what's wrong with wearing slutty clothes in Singapore.

In KL and during Xmas eve I got molested, but I didn't know the situation at these places, so I can't be blamed for dressing inappropriately.

Don't tell me Nicole DOESN'T KNOW that getting very drunk around 4 guys you barely know is tempting them to have sex with you.

Does she know all those? She probably does, and yet she still does it.This sort of foolhardiness, is what I call ASKING FOR IT.

In Singaporeans terms, ORH BI LOR.

I am not saying that these guys who took advantage of girls are right. Smith is definitely at fault if she was unwilling to have sex. Yet, she most certainly had it coming.

*

I've been called ignorant, racist, and stupid. I've done more research into this case than your apathetic self have chosen to ignore when it was on the news, so I am surely not ignorant, not of the case. Ignorance by age, by experience, maybe - but until you prove you are more worthy, don't call me ignorant -you are nobody.

Racist? I believe everyone is racist to a certain degree, so no, I don't take offense in that. Peiying once said she is a Class person rather than Race person, and I told her, but you can't see class on someone's forehead, can you? and she got all angry.

It remains true that we judge races and appearances simply because to form our first impressions we have no other choices, and despite how you moralistic fucks go on about how "But that's just a generalisation!", stereotypes DO exist for a reason.

We judge age, gender, height and how good looking people are - all these are things people cannot help being too - just as race - so what's the obsession with the latter?

There are precious lessons to be learnt from the racial wars, and I believe we should not inflict harm on other races. We should not deny people a chance to prove that they are different from what is stereotypical of people of their colour.

But to completely be non-judgemental when you first see a person is impossible because our views are skewed by that of our own experiences, that of the media.

I am racist. Everyone is.

If you ask me if I would rather be locked up in a room with a Bangladeshi or a British guy I'd take my chances with the British, because of my EXPERIENCES. I don't care how you guys start defending and saying the Bangladeshi might be a gentle, nice guy, but FACT REMAINS I GOT MOLESTED BY A LOT OF THEM AS A YOUNG TEEN.

How do you expect me not to feel wary when I see them?

I can almost hear PY arguing that a lot of foreign workers molest because they are of a lower caste and are mostly uneducated, and whatever race it is, they are likely to molest as long as they are uneducated.

True, but I am saying, if I only knew a guy's race? In my brains, British = Harry Potter and Bangladeshi = well-you-know-what-I-think, then who should I choose? Natural instincts will prevail over the urge to think fair, think logical, think un-racist.

I show you two pictures of couples - one is a Thai girl with a White male, and the other, a White girl with a White male.

Assuming both of the girls look equally unpromiscious and are off the same age and wearing the same clothes, I tell you, one of these girls is with the guy for money... which will you guess?

Don't give me half-fucked answers like "I won't choose either because it is not fair." *roll eyes* I am saying IF you have your fingers beneath my hacksaw, and if you choose the wrong couple, I am going to chop off those fingers.

Which couple are you going to put your money on?

Are you racist too?

It is UNPREVENTABLE to have views and opinions on the various races, simply because humans have a brain and can't help but judge.

Racist? I am sorry, but the fact that so many Filipino girls I see around Liat Towers are tittering like bees around white men, and that Nicole already has a white boyfriend yet fraternized so closely with other white men (traveling with them, getting so drunk till she loses consciousness, dancing, etc), gave her case even less credibility. She may not be one of these cheap angmoh-loving sluts, but I'm sorry, she does sound and behave exactly like one of them.

As for stupid... Nah, I don't if stupid people call me stupid. :)

You guys keep asking me how I can write an entry so cruel.

I can, because I believe Smith is innocent. It is crazy that you guys are all pitying Nicole for her rape traumas - what about Smith, supposing he didn't rape her? Life sentence (40 years), undeserving of sympathy?

p/s: It also appears I was wrong on two counts in the previous post. Judge ruled against Smith - reason was that Nicole was too drunk to give consent and Smith took advantage of her (though Smith was also drunk, but hey, always the men at fault). Nicole was also not dragged forcefully out of the bar but agreeably went out with Smith and the 3 other marines to go back to their ship.
Read The Full Article

I've made the choice to delete this article because despite it being written 5 years ago, people still keep quoting it to make it seem like I am the utimate monster who somehow advocates rape. Don't be fucking ridiculous.

NOBODY ADVOCATES RAPE, OK??

I may not have been raped before but I've been molested plenty of times. And time and again I have proven my very strong stance on the outrage of a woman's modesty. I always stand up for my fellow women when they are genuinely taken advantage of. Why don't you idiot haters quote these instead?

* Nicole had another white boyfriend she was in a relationship with, yet...

* Smith invited "Nicole" to Subic area, she agreed, and he paid for her transportation

* November 1, 2005 around 10 pm., Smith and 3 US Marine friends went to the Neptune Bar in Subic and met "Nicole" and her step-sister

* After having a good time at the club, Smith, his 3 Marine friends, "Nicole" and a Filipino driver get in a van and head back to the nearby ship

* Once in the van, according to statements made by the Filipino driver and the 3 Marines, Smith and "Nicole" were in the back of the van, their conversations were normal and they were not arguing

* Smith claims consensual sex occurred in the van at the time, that "Nicole" helped him put on a condom and that "Nicole" was lucid enough to consent to sex

* Nicole files rape charges against Smith and 3 other Marines

* The Filipino driver initially claims to the police, no rape occurred

* 2 days later after intense interrogation and possibly being beaten and threatened by the police, the driver signs a statement claiming that rape did occur in the van

* A few days later the driver recants the written statement, is interviewed on national television by no less than the Vice-President of the Philippines and again claims no rape occurred

* The trial gets underway amid an emotionally charged media frenzy that almost demands a conviction

* Daniel Smith is convicted, 3 other Marines acquitted, the Filipino driver was never charged

* The argument of the judge in making his ruling is that "Nicole" was too drunk to give her consent

Without even being in the courtroom to hear all of the testimony it seems clear that there was an obvious error in logic on the part of the judge. If rape did occur within the small space of the van then it would be impossible for the 3 other Marines and the Filipino driver not to know it was happening, so they must be convicted of complicity. Also, if Nicole was too drunk to give her consent to have sex then how could her identification of Smith be deemed reliable?

Now these were all the facts that were known in 2007. At the point when I wrote my articles, Daniel Smith got convicted and I got attacked like mad (even till this day) for this article I wrote...

She was just a drunken slut, just like I said, abusing the laws protecting women for what? Vengeance? Attention? To placate her guilt for cheating? Who knows? At least she now admits she's a liar.

If it turns out I was right, then why are people so angry with me?

Because I wrote this blog entry with the main point being that Daniel Smith is too handsome to be a believable rapist.

Here's a better picture

On hindsight I can see how that can make people gasp in shock but I WAS KIDDING. It probably wasn't a good thing to make light of, rape being a serious topic and all. I mean I do believe that handsome people, in general, are less likely to have to resort to rape. AND YES I am not an idiot I do know that rape isn't about sex it's about the dominance and Ted Bundy was handsome but CHILL THE FUCK OUT OK? All these psychology about rapists aren't relevant because Daniel Smith didn't just jump out of the bushes to rape and mutilate Nicole. He wine and dined her and paid for her shit then tried to have sex with her after a few days like a normal dude. Besides the fact that he is good looking, all other signs point to the fact that he DID NOT rape her.

People were also angry coz I said Nicole appears to be a slut (and therefore deserves rapes).

I would like to clarify that I never once said she deserves rape. NOBODY DESERVES RAPE, except maybe paedophiles.

But I was right about her being a complete whore. Now that the truth is out, I don't even have to mince my words anymore.

First, she already had another white boyfriend and yet she agreed to travel with 4 horny US marines she just met and she had them pay for her transportation... SLUT MUCH? Then she got herself extremely drunk while with them and agreed to go on the van which was heading back to their ship. Right, we all know what that would lead to. Never mind that bit now... IN THE VAN WITH 3 OTHER DUDES WATCHING HER... SHE PUT ON A CONDOM FOR SMITH AND HAD SEX WITH HIM.

Really? IN A FUCKING VAN?? Wow seriously?

Now tell me... DO YOU BELIEVE A GIRL LIKE THAT WAS RAPED?

Sorry, I don't. Even if she changed her mind at the very last minute before penetration and decided not to have sex anymore, I'm sorry if I have zero sympathy for her plight. All her actions led to Smith believing that she wanted to go all the way and I don't blame him for thinking so.

What is even worse, she abused the very laws that are used to protect women, the REAL victims of rape, to ruin Smith's life for her wanton actions. She is insulting the plight of the real victims.

Just thinking about this makes me SO ANGRY. In the two years that Smith was in jail probably getting his rectum cleaned out by fellow inmates, he could have done so much with his life but all he got was being branded a rapist internationally by a fucking LIAR.

Seriously, Nicole is such a CUNT!!

Yes there are laws protecting women because we are vulnerable and we are the weaker sex. But just because a fellow woman yells "rape!" doesn't mean she isn't abusing the law somehow for her own benefit. We still have to look at the facts and make a rational decision. We cannot just immediately jump to her aid and be on her side... The law has to be fair to the alleged rapist and hear his story too.

I cannot believe that in this situation Nicole is such a HORRIBLE human being and people are still siding her just because she was allegedly raped. Ridiculous! Think about the consequences of her actions and how it will affects laws and make it harder for us to convict real rapists from now on!

So yes just to make it EXTRA FUCKING CLEAR for the morons still linking this article.

NO, I do not think rape is ok just because it is done by a handsome guy. I just think if a handsome guy is accused of rape I am less likely to believe he really did it and in this case it turns out I was motherfucking Phoenix Wright wasn't I so that should shut your mouths.

NO, I do not think drunken slutty women deserve rape. However, I do believe women who bring this to the extreme (and I mean extreme extreme like putting on a condom for a dude, come the fuck on, don't be so politically correct) are testing a man's willpower and I definitely would have less sympathy for them if they were eventually indeed raped.

Two men got burnt by a dragon. One got burnt just by walking past the dragon. The other got burnt because the dragon was sleeping and he kept poking the dragon in the eye with a stick. WHO DO YOU PITY MORE??

Are you saying girls cannot get drunk or wear slutty clothes Xiaxue? Or they deserve getting raped? NO I AM NOT. Can you read? It is very common for women to drink or wear whatever they want and I have said MANY times before that I believe we should be allowed all that freedom without men touching us or even yelling lewd things at us.

But if you in drunken stupor dirty dance with a dude and rub your groin against his then he is gonna think you want to have sex with him. And when you resist, he might not believe you genuinely don't want sex. Well, lesson learnt - next time protect yourself!

If you still wish to hate on me and call me a monster blah blah even after my clarifications, then I have nothing to say. Actually I think I deserve some acclamations for being more astute than any lawyer was back in 2007.

And I so courageously and rightfully stood up for Daniel Smith back when nobody else dared to because it was the politically incorrect thing to do. I withstood so much for standing by my opinions. My TV show didn't go on its second season because people kept calling up the tv station to quote this article. Wow, my own bravery and resilience is making me shed a tear really. :')

Ending this entry with another photo of Daniel McHandsome, victim of an attention seeking whore and the laws protecting females.

Three cheers for standing up for your opinions and never backing down no matter what, Daniel Smith. And me.... And me.

Brad Pitt was reportedly in Panama when a someone asked if he is Brad Pitt, in which he smiled mysteriously and replied, "Sometimes".

Actually the report just said he smiled, but I am gonna go ahead and presume that he did it mysteriously with a small wink, because that's how I imagine Brad Pitt to be.

I bet the dude have been thinking about how to reply this oft-asked question for hours, without the usual, "Er, yes?" and when he thought of "Sometimes" (with the correct amount of mysterious smile set into it, naturally) he hit gold!!

From today onwards, I shall reply, "sometimes" to the question of whether I am Xiaxue.

It makes people wonder, during the times when she is not Xiaxue, what is she? A talented violin player? Or perhaps a practising shaman? And they think, Wow, there must be so much more going on beneath that radiant smile and fake nose, it's all intriguing and stuff.

Don't laugh, I'm practicing my mysterious smile, and it is coming on very well indeed.

I just feel like rambling on today, as if this is really a diary, so if you get bored, pardon me.

People have been emailing me asking about getting nose jobs, and it's suddenly like I am the expert in plastic surgery!

I know I am kinda warped, but I feel proud to have had done it, akin to, say, joining the mile high club (ie having sex on the plane) or something.

If you are 22 like me, do you know anyone who have done plastic surgery before? Besides frivolous aquaintances, I don't know ANYONE who has done it!

I don't think it's BRAVERY or COURAGE, like so many of you have said... I DIGRESS!

Why do you guys keep saying I am brave? That's ridiculously weird; I don't think I'm brave at all, and a word like that is used to describe people who die for their friends in the warfield, or go on a death mission up a space shuttle to blast a meteorite approaching Earth, etc... not for someone who did a fucking nose job.

That sort of just degrades that word. Courage. Over-used.

I feel quite... I don't think there's a term for this sort of feeling, somewhat undeserving mixed with embarrassed (let's call it underrassed), as I think doing plastic doesn't need bravery - it just needs you to rank vanity high enough on your list of priorities.

Besides, I had the best surgeon, (literally) didn't work for the money that paid for it, and had almost nothing to worry about, least of all pain because I suffered almost none.

Other than the fact that I have not dug my nose for 3 weeks now, which I find a supreme pleasure. Ah! Nose-digging! You don't miss it till you can't do it. (I clean it with a q-tip you idiots)

Why is it that when you insert something into an orifice that's somewhat tight-fitting it always feels good?

So yeah, you can strike off "brave" from my list of good qualities, but hey, you can add "pretty nose" to it!

I know having a pretty nose is not a good quality per se, but I was drinking water from the tap yesterday, and guess what?

The nose hit the tap!!!!!!!

MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

It's so sharp it hit the tap! That never happened before!!!! Shiok. Is surely a good quality to have.

Yeah yeah back to me knowing nobody else who has done plastic surgery. Yeah! I feel quite proud of it! I guess I am just mad this way because I try so hard to be different.

So don't ask me to put less make up or dye my hair dark again, or straighten my hair. That's not my style, and it will never happen. =)

Gillian told me that we were interviewing this atheist guy on an episode of Girls Out Loud, and she said he had written his views on a forum and was the only one leaving his email - plus his arguments were ridiculously lengthy.

I told her, "Wow, I know of someone just like that!" and she said, yeah? who?

I replied, "..." like how they write a mumbled indistinct weak retort in story books, because I didn't really realise it till that point, but it's completely true.

I do try hard to be different. Don't we all? Well, I suppose not.

And naturally, Gab and I have some similar points, though his trying-to-be-different method is intellectually, while mine tends to be a lot more superficial.

We both dislike macs and organised religion and despise their fellowers even more. (At least that's what I gathered from his blog, though he might argue on the word "dislike" because he is that sort of person)

He does like long rebonded hair tho, but I suppose that's because the look is unique within the men.

Back to nose jobs. Man, I can't stop talking about it!!

Nowadays, when I go out to town with friends, I keep pointing at people and going, "Fuck, that girl had a nose job, I'm fucking sure," and my friends will be like "where, where?", totally believing me.

Coz it takes one to know one mah! I can recognise a fellow fake nose anywhere!!!

I feel like I am betraying the plastic surgery sisterhood, but because I used to be so curious as to how to tell, now that I can, I shall share the secret with you guys!!

Anyway, this only applies to Asian people (maybe Africans too?) because most of the time angmohs either remove a bump on their bridge, or make their nostrils smaller, which doesn't require them to put an implant.

Even if they do put an implant, it is not that easy to tell because a high bridge suits caucasian faces better.

For the unfortunate races with either flat or flashy noses, they normally insert an implant and do alar (sides of nose) work.

Here's how to tell, especially if it's bad surgery:

Tapering of nose

This is for people who have narrowed their tips... Notice how the tip looks smaller than the middle section, or the same size - highly unnatural.

Ridiculous looking bridge

Unfortunately for Asian people with nasal implants, their flat faces, especially when viewed from the side, does not match a highly increased nose bridge very well.

When you can see that the nose clearly starts higher up (ie at brows level) than it normally should, the person has an implant almost for sure.

Weird shadows

Perhaps the most tell-tale sign of all is the way shadows fall on the nose. Now, an implant, when viewed cross-sectioned, is like a less curved semi-circle.

Therefore, when the implant ends (at the side of the nose), there is a tiny groove before it meets the natural bone of the person.

As such, the skin covering the sides of the nose is not entirely smooth but would have a grooved line along the side edges of the implant.

This causes a very definitive shadow that runs along the length of the nose... It would be bright at the very top where the light hits, then suddenly turn darker, whereas on a natural nose the shadows are gradual (as I shaded for you guys) because the normal nose is rounder.

Triangular nostils and "stiff" alar

In the case of alar reduction, nostrils are triangular and have a very "pinched" look, whereas a normal nose is almost never this shape and would be roundish.

As I mentioned before, Alar reduction involves cutting off flesh from the sides of the nose (where the nose joins the face) and sewing it up again. While this procedure does ensure the nose is narrower and less bulbous, too much of the alar cut off also sacrifices the natural curvature of the alar, causing it to look very straight and stiff.

It's almost like the nose is tented up.

Woah! Machiam expert right?!

Alright enough!! I spent so much time looking for the photos and it is 11.16am now and I AM YET TO SLEEP! Crazy or what??

I wrote this just for keeps, so it's not interestingly written, but if you guys are interested to know how the surgery went... :)Day of surgery:

Was pretty nervous about my surgery, but I really loved the crew of Girls Out Loud, so I felt quite happy that they were all there with me...

The guys were pretending to be macho and didn't show a scared side, but my director Gillian, producer Joan, our assistant producer Ashley, stylish Elisa, and of course Rozz was there too, and they kept shooting me scared looks and told me it will be cool and I shouldn't worry.

Before the surgery started it was all hectic coz I had to do an interview with 8 days, eat a bit of lunch (supposed to be a 4.5 hour surgery!), swallow a gazillion pills, as well as change into my surgical gown and remove all my make up!!!!

Momo came too, with my Auntie Susan, and she was quite emotional and all, hugging me and crying... -_-

At this point I started feeling a little jittery, coz although I would say I am ok with pain, I still didn't like it yeah!

But Dr Huang appeared super confident and is also super shuai! Hehehe... He said there won't be any pain.

So yup, finally got on the table, which was lowered such that my head is tilted back a little. I had sleeping pills but was frankly too excited to feel sleepy at all.

Dr Huang started injecting numbing shots, which hurt a little - at the sides of my nose, and into the tip of my upper inner lip. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't very painful, hmm..

So yeah, after I got numbed he injected local anesthesia, and it was injected all over the place! Like 30 shots or something!

My heart started pounding and I trembled all over; must be due to some funny chemical reaction, but the shots of LA wasn't painful due to the fact I was already numb.

It was SUCH a funny feeling, I could still feel the existance of my nose, but it felt like it was a lump of stone and you can do anything to it and I don't give a shit.

Started with the cutting.

I felt really terrified when he started, because I was afraid that for some reason the LA won't work and I can feel it all!!!!

But well, no feeling at all.

Dr Huang had to cut certain spots such that my nose's tip, according to him, "opened up like a book".

Was really weird feeling coz I can sense that he is tugging at open flesh, but felt no pain.

The proceduce for the insertions took a long while, and I started to feel pretty bored by the time it was done.

However, I stayed awake, and talked incessantly to Dr Huang.

I think he must have been pretty irritated by me!

I swear it felt like I was on drugs or being drunk, I kept mumbling rubbish which I think has no meaning, and I cannot remember them after I am done.

I know that I asked him if Black or Indian people have the same shade of pink meat underneath their skin. It's not a racist question, I was sincerely curious because, you know, black chicken has their meat black also right?

Dr H's answer was that it is the same colour underneath all our skins. Ah! Now I know!

So we kept talking, basically with me asking him what's going on about the surgery, and he was a perfect sport and answered everything.

At this point I really felt I had to pee, so they gave me a bedpan... So paiseh, all the nurses can see and so could Dr H, though I think it was done under the blanket. But oh! SO GOOD can when the urine came all out. WHAT? I drink a lot of water for the pills ok!

It was time for the implant, and also to remove fatty tissue from my tip.

I could feel (when I say feel I mean I am aware he is doing it, but I felt no pain whatsoever) him sawing away at the two white soft bones, and later on, also sawing away at my nose bridge. It turns out he was just preparing for the implant to be inserted.

Put in, take out, put in, take out...

The implant took a long time to perfect, and he had to keep sculpting and sculpting it till it was what he wanted, and I fell asleep at this point.

When I woke up, he was still doing the bloody implant!

So happy I have such a professional surgeon lah! By this time we have over-shot the predicted time of surgery, which is like 4.5 hours.

In the background I can hear Gillian say stuff like, "Can we change the tape for a bit?" or our sound-guy Brando saying he has to change Dr H's battery. -_-

After that he started on the Alar, also known as "wings" in latin, which is the two fat flaps I have as my nose's sides.

This part felt a bit funny, because I was totally aware that Dr H was CUTTING meat off me, and it would have been so painful if not for the vulnerable bit of anesthesia I had in me. It's kinda scary, because I didn't know if it (LA) would go off suddenly, but as it turns out, anesthesia runs out GRADUALLY, so if you start to feel a bit of pain just tell your surgeon to put more in!

Which is what I did a few times - could feel the knife a wee bit and got freaked out, but Dr H was very pro and immediately injected me with the god-sent anesthesia.

This is obviously not Dr H's fault, because he put enough LA for 6 hours as a safe bet, and by then it was 6 hours already.

After the alar was cut I remember asking Dr H:

"Oooh my flesh cut out?"

Dr H, "Yup..."

Me, "Where it is?!"

Dr H, "It is beside me on a tray. I will throw them away unless you wish to keep it." (That guy has a wicked sense of humour which he protrays with a totally straight face. Of course I cannot see his face, duh -my eyes are covered with some graze - but yeah, can SENSE it)

Me, "Can I have them? I want to throw it at someone I don't like."

Dr H, "Haha ok."

He said ok! I think I already know who I want to throw it at!!!! :D

After all the cutting is the SEWING... The stitching went on for AGES, had like, I don't know, 3 thousand stitches, and at one point I felt a bit of pain and told Dr H about it...

He was like, "Do want want some LA on it?"... I thought about it and decided that the pain was really tolerable, so I told him that and he said "Alright!" and went on happily sewing. :D

So yup, after 7.5 horrible hours the surgery is finally done. I had a first look in the mirror, so when people from Extreme Makeover act like they are all shocked to see it when the bandages come off it is all fake nia!

Nice and narrow and sharp!

Had a groggy time getting off the table, and my mom and cousin Cally was there to support me. :)

Had fish soup which Momo bought from Holland V, and waited up till 12.30am to show my baby my new nose on webcam. He is the only worry I had, coz I am soooo scared he won't like my new nose can!

He seemed ok though, so all is good!Day 1 after surgery:

Was given a stringe thing to wash the insides of my nose with salt water.

Yuck! I dug it gently it to some cotton buds, and the bud had like mucus and brownish blood on it. Double yuck!

Otherwise, I'm feeling no discomfort except a dull numbing pain on the nose... It's like when u just pierced your ears, the feeling is quite negligible.

A total of like 9 different pills to eat, one cream to apply on the stitches and the salt-water bath thing. Bah!

3 thousand pills

Had to sleep with double pillows and try to sleep upright, but Dr H said that it is ok to sleep at the side if I really want to, as long as I don't sleep ON the nose. Who the hell does that?!

I asked if gravity will cause the implant to shift, and he said nonchalantly, "That's ok, because we can always push it back."

GAH!

I've been a good girl, keep washing the nose with salt water and also applying my cream regularly. There is no blood coming out, so that's a good thing!!

I can't laugh though, I feel like I will burst the stitches!

You know what improves complexion? Plastic surgery!

After the surgery my nose was swollen, and that apparently makes me have better blood circulation and my cheeks were super rosy and my lips full! Shiok.

Day 2:

Gonna go see Dr Huang later at 4pm.

I woke up at 1am, feeling a bit panicky, coz I feel that my nose, which I obviously can't wash with the bandages, will get soooooo oily the bandages (which are more like tape as u can see), will fall off! GAH!

I wonder if Dr H will retape me? I hope so, then I can get a glimpse of the nose!

Ben said he will go with me. Stupid Mike is at his friend's place and I haven't spoke to him for like 2 thousand years. I think he doesn't want me anymore. =(

Day 3:

Getting sick of fishy food. Momo was very nice and cooked cod fish for me, very yummy! Yes, I know I am contradicting myself but whatever.

I love my momo because she took such good care of me when I was home-ridden.

Day 4 - 5:

Woohoo getting stitches off soonish!!! Tired of staying at home and tired of oily tapes...

Developed some bruising

Yes I know it looks like nose hair.

Day 6:

Met unreasonable angmoh who snatched my cab on the way to take off stitches. Bitch.

Day 8:

Went ktv with Weili, shuyin, alvin, wanyi and zhengchang! The buggers KEEP making me laugh and my freshly healed wounds threatened to burst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(imitating various singers and also laughing at me everytime I laughed by squeezing my cheeks close together)

Day 12:

Had horrible nightmare of implant shifting to the side. It was so bloody realistic! The implant shifted like 1 cm to the right, leaving a dent in the middle.

I touched it, and it felt all mushy and squishy! EWWWWWWWWW!

Woke up with a horrific fright and nervously touched the nose.

It is ok, Wendy, it is ok, just a dream.

Also, I was feeling very warm that day. I touched my nose, and it is surprisingly cool! Muahaha... Isn't that just funny.

Recovery chart of nose.

Have to constantly put yellow ointment on it, so the wounds won't dry it and split or something...

Yeah yeah, you think you don't have nose hair meh?

p/s: Some of you kept asking me if it is painful. If on a scale of pain, 1 - 10, 1 being getting pinched and 10 being stabbed repeatedly on the genitals, I'd say it's...

2 on average throughout the whole surgery, even inclusive of the injections.

I know the damn thing looks like it is so raw and painful, but it's actually totally remarkably not!

I'd say I'd have tolerated the pain and not cried even if I did this when I was, like, 8 or something. That's not to say young people should do plastic - it's a permanent life alteration, so think about it carefully!

It irritates me when people keep saying "pain" is part of their decision to not get a tattoo, plastic surgery, etc. You people are SOOOOO weird!!

Tattoos and plastic surgery are irreversible life-altering things, and you care about like 2 hours of pain? SURELY there are many other things to think about besides a wee bit of hurt, especially when it is so temporary!

Pain is very low among the list of other things I would be considering; design being top.