"I thought, 'Sod it', went to an FHM party and got home at around 6am. I couldn't believe it when I saw my name in the starting line-up!

"I was still so hungover when I was playing; I just did everything in my power not to embarrass myself.

"I can't believe I scored. It was just a huge relief – I thought, 'OK, you can take me off now. Please, Arsene!' I felt so sick and I could feel the vodka still bouncing around in my stomach. You could smell it on my breath, too.

"I did OK to score a hat-trick: it shows I had talent, though it helps when you're playing with Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira. That was the first game of Arsenal's 49-game unbeaten run."

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