Friday, August 04, 2006

It's good to have a goal

One of my favorite people, The Angry Black Bitch, was doing a spot of complaining today about unruly children in the store, and is afraid she may be becoming her grandmother. No worries, ABB, that is a good thing to become. Personally, it has long been the ultimate goal in my life to become the infamous cranky old man you'll find in every neighborhood. I envision my golden years being spent in my bathrobe and support socks, yelling at the local rotten children to get the hell off my lawn. I can just hear it now: "Stay away from that house! That's where crazy Old Man ______ lives with 2 cats and 59 place-settings of Fiestaware! He'll throw rocks at you!"

2 comments:

Christopher, this post reminds me of an old guy who used to live across the street in our last house. He was always getting pi$$ed at somebody. He would gather the neighborhood kids and yell at them for riding bikes past his house. In his mind, they had no business riding there because "none of you live on this street!"

Then Of course, there were the countless issues he had with the HOA. I'm not joking, at least once a week, I would hear him throwing some sort of fit that would culminate in his pounding a "for sale" sign into his front lawn.

But his bark was always worse than his bite. The sign was always gone by morning.

I am going to be 86 and standing behind the front gate hitting schoolchildren in the calves with a willow switch as they pass by. Brandon will be 76 by then and sitting on the porch loveseat laughing uproariously. We'll both still be as mean as we are now and as in love as the day we met.