Southmiddle USASteven: Eagles, Toros, Eagles, Armadillos.Jon: One out of four.

Jon: This is like a social slot machine.

Jon: What were the athletic monikers for your elementary school, middle school, and high school? I know college was Spartans.Northmiddle USAMike: Red Devils. Whole way through.Jon: Red Devils, Red Devils, Red Devils, Spartans?

Rory: He must have attended a private K-12 school. Either that or Grosse Ile Townshippers are not very imaginative.

Rory: If he had attended Dickinson College – four of a kind!Rory: If he pursues a master's at MSU – full house!Rory: A flush: Five variations of a cat, or a dog, et cetera.Jon: A straight: Cat, dog, bird, person, bear.Matt: Ehh…

"The hubris it must take to yank a soul out of non-existence into this…meat, and to force a life into this…thresher. Yeah, so my daughter, she, uh…she spared me the sin of being a father." (True Detective, S01E02)

"Back then, the visions, most of the time, I was convinced that I'd lost it. But there were other times, I thought I was mainlining the secret truth of the universe." (True Detective, S01E02)

Three cast members of Greek (Shameless, S04E02)

"My father only screwed a Mexican whore while he was with my mom, and they can't get pregnant." (Shameless, S04E02)

"You're a freshman."
"Yeah, but I fuck like a sophomore." (Shameless, S04E02)

"Really? A winking smiley face?"
"What's wrong with that?"
"What are you, a Japanese teenager?"
"I– What?!"
"Look, I was a Japanese teenager. I didn't even use a winking smiley face." (Looking, S01E01)

"With Asian parents, you have three options: doctor, engineer, or get beaten." (MasterChef Canada, S01E01)

"Remarkable stitching. An old flame of mine was a seamstress. She'd be most impressed."
"Who'd you date? Betsy Ross?"
"…How did you know that?" (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)

Alien John Cho (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)

"Prophecies have a nasty way of fulfilling themselves, if you let them." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)

"Does an alderman have an unwarranted self-regard?" (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)

"You and I will choose our own destiny. We have free will. I choose to forge my fate with you." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)

"So does this mean we can finally give away that ratty coat?"
"Please… And risk it be worn ironically by purveyors of artisanal marmalade who discovered it at a local thrift shop? I thank you, no. For judge a man not by the wear of what he wears, but by the where and how he wears it." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E13)

Diagetic piano gag (Sleepy Hollow, S01E13)

Sleepy Hollow Season Grade: B+

Pam eating a cocaine cast (Archer, S05E02)

"She's all…coke-strong." (Archer, S05E02)

"Oh my God, Lana, Lana, you know what I could totally go for right now?"
"Some cocaine?" (Archer, S05E02)

"Sure you know how to tap a keg?"
"How hard could it be? It's beer, for crying out loud. It's the drink of idiots." (New Girl, S03E13)

"A lot of people never graduated high school – Einstein, Bill Gates, Anne Frank… I'm gonna take back that last one." (New Girl, S03E13)

"Pussy is a powerful thing." (Justified, S05E03)

"Does this restaurant have blow jobs on the menu?" (Justified, S05E03)

"DJ Ango is…chained." (Workaholics, S04E01)

"I'm coven guard dog." – cringe! (American Horror Story, S03E12)

Nigella Lawson is a terrible judge of talent (The Taste, S02E04)

"Look, chard is disgusting. You try selling it without sexy dancers. It's impossible. It's like, 'Hey, you like lettuce? Try this, it's worse.' It tastes like kale took a dump on spinach."
"I like to think of it as celery with B.O." (Parks and Recreation, S06E12)

"This is an excellent rectangle!" (Parks and Recreation, S06E12)

"It wasn't marijuana. It was heirloom tomatoes. [to the tomatoes] I'll see you at tonight's arrabbiata." (Enlisted, S01E03)

Last week, I used a men's office washroom in which the urinal was inside the toilet stall, beside the toilet.

Then this week, this Sochi men's washroom photo happened:

As if a stall door gap isn't discomforting enough.

Assuming that one can lock the stall door, when would two men poop concurrently? Father and young son? Also, the toilet paper seems out of reach.

Evidently, Russia was embarrassed:

Could've just removed one toilet and deemed it a handicapped stall.

Whenever I pee in a washroom without urinal dividers, I wonder about penis insecurity before urinal dividers existed. Surely it was an issue, and yet, no one thought to install dividers? They can't be very expensive.

What do you think the story is behind the first urinal divider? I imagine, like, a Rosa Parks of communal urination, which, incidentally, is the inverse of Rosa Parks – a white male.

Tired of slinking into a toilet stall to pee…

If I could gain any superpower, I would choose the ability to induce in anyone the feeling of needing to poop really badly.

"The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege." (Sherlock, S03E03)

"Assist me assist you." (Bob's Burgers, S04E10)

"P.S. I farted on the meat!" (Bob's Burgers, S04E10)

"Past a certain age, a man without a family can be a bad thing." (True Detective, S01E01)

"Can I ask you something? You're a Christian, yeah?"
"No."
"Well, what do you got the cross for in your apartment?"
"That's a form of meditation."
"How's that?"
"I contemplate the moment in the garden – the idea of allowing your own crucifixion."
"But you're not a Christian, so what do you believe?"
"I consider myself a realist, but in philosophical terms, I'm what's called a pessimist. I think human consciousness was a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labour under the illusion of having a self – a secretion of sensory experience and feeling, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody's nobody. I think the honourable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming, stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction, one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal."
"So, what's the point of getting out of bed in the morning?"
"I tell myself I bear witness, but the real answer is that it's obviously my programming, and I lack the constitution for suicide." (True Detective, S01E01)

"I don't sleep. I just dream." (True Detective, S01E01)

Justin Chatwin is no longer listed in the opening credits (Shameless, S04E01)

"You think I'm gonna sit here and listen to you sing the praises of strawberry filling when we both know you've been a banana man since mom baked you that monkey cake on your eighth birthday?" (Enlisted, S01E02)

"A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious, and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world." (Sherlock, S03E02)

"I didn't take you for a tennis fan, Mr. Crowder, but the only reason I can see you calling at this hour is to discuss Azarenka's last match." (Justified, S05E01)

"Can I get you a blow job or something?" (Justified, S05E01)

"I start arresting girls, how's that for business, Dewey? You and Wade the only two pussies in this whorehouse." (Justified, S05E01)

"It's called growing up and having your own interests, like the minister's daughter in your precious Footloose."
"Wow. Using my own movie against me. [claps] Let's hear it for the boy." (Modern Family, S05E11)