Archive for Marriage Nightmares

There is one common complaint that I hear from many of my married friends. I won’t lie, I have even experienced this myself in past relationship. Nothing in this world can feel more frustrating then when one of the partners is not pulling their weight. I know I have said this before and I will say it again, men are looking for a partner to marry. However, if you are not working with him to better each others lives, then he sees you as working against him and he won’t be likely to marry you.

**Before I continue with this article and I receive tons of hate mail, let me just state that I know there are men out there that do not pull their weight in relationships. This is not a website dedicated to helping change men. If you want a man to marry you then he must be pulling his weight somehow. This website is dedicated to explaining why men are hesitant to propose marriage. One reason for this might be the fact that the woman he is with is not pulling her weight.

Examples

With that said, let me show you a few examples of what I mean.

Steve’s Marriage

Steve is struggling to make ends meet, but its not for a lack of trying. Steve works, 16 hours a day 7 days a week constantly wheeling and dealing. He has turned over every rock he can find in an effort to produce a better revenue for his family. The global recession has hit him hard. He has talked with this wife about her getting a job, but she doesn’t want to work she just wants to stay home and take care of the kids.

That is fine, I think raising children is the most important job in the world. The confusing part is when the children are at school from 9 am – 3 pm, she doesn’t raise a finger around the house. She reads her people magazine and watches tv. You have to understand when you work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week and you are barely making any money, the anxiety, frustration and fear builds inside a man. All he needs and wants is just a bit of a helping hand.

Someone preferably his wife to come along and say “I can see how hard you are working, make sure you take a break sweetie. I made you a sandwich for lunch. Its important to eat to keep up your strength. Don’t worry about anything around the house, I have taken care of it so you stay focused on working.”

Does Steve’s wife say this? No, because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are breaking up for the 20th time in people.

Ryan’s Marriage

Ryan was a highly successful businessman. Crushing million dollar deals like it was nothing. He was doing so well, his wife didn’t have to work, and they had a nanny to take care of their child, cook and clean for them. With the recession times are tough and Ryan can no longer afford to keep the nanny. Especially when his wife is not working and capable of doing everything the nanny did, at least until things get better. This would make sense spouses help to make life easier for each other, for the benefit of the family.

Well, this is just not the case. Ryan’s wife refuses to cook or clean and doesn’t understand why Ryan just doesn’t hire the nanny back. Everyday his wife orders take out, which just ends up spending more money they can’t afford to spend. This woman isn’t a wife she is a leech. If it wasn’t for the child they have together Ryan would leave her and now he feels stuck because he didn’t realize what kind of person she really was. How does this hurt women like you? Ryan tells every single male he comes across to “Never Get Married!” He shares every detail of his married experience and how it has destroyed his life.

So now you have a bunch of men running around in fear that they will end up in the same nightmare that Steve and Ryan are in. Being in a position where they are having a hard time supporting their families which is a very hard thing for a man to accept. The worst part is the person who is supposed to love and honor you, won’t even lift a finger to help during your time of need. They won’t even give their husband the help he needs to be able to take care of his family.

I guarantee, your current boyfriend has probably heard about this kind of nightmare from at least 10 other men in his life. So this fear is swimming in the back of his subconscious mind. What you need to do is show him, that you are capable and more then happy to pull your weight in your relationship. Show him you do not shy away from doing what needs to be done to make his life easier. Help make his food, when he is working lots and doesn’t have time to cook for himself. Are there little small jobs that you can help him with for his business? If so, jump on them and get them done.

If you help to make his life easier, he won’t be able to live without you. If you make his life harder, he’ll be more then happy to never propose. Learn more about how to get your boyfriend to propose and understand the subconscious of the male mind in regards to marriage.

Sorry, but men wouldn’t get married if society accepted long term cohabitation. Society pressures men into marriage. They do it for women, because men are biologically programmed to do whatever is necessary to mate.

What semi-intelligent man would enter into a contractual arrangement these days, knowing that over half of marriages end in divorce? Not to mention that women initiate divorce nearly 70% of the time, with the majority being ‘no fault’ divorces.

Men want to cohabitate, sans the financial and emotional devastation. A long-term relationship is identical to marriage. One has requires an expensive ring, ceremony and divorce court attorney, while the other requires only love and commitment. Guess which one this man is choosing?

=================================

I’m actually really happy Mark decided to leave his comment, because he is voicing a very common opinion amongst men. The benefits to getting married for a man are growing shorter each passing year. Mark is also correct with his statistics, 50% of marriages will end in divorce and 70% of those marriages are initiated by women.

I have to admit, I was a little shocked when I learned that 70% of divorces were initiated by women. When I read this my first thought was adultery or perhaps there were a lot of abusive husbands , but this isn’t the case at all. 70% of divorces initiated by women are due to “no fault,” meaning there has been no wrong doing by either party to break the marital contract.

Mark, also brings up a good point, that women expect a man to buy them an expensive ring (at least 3 months salary), and finance a wedding ceremony (minimum $10,000 for a cheap wedding) to prove their love. Men on the other hand only ask for loyalty and commitment, when they walk down the aisle. Don’t try to use the argument that the wedding is for the man as well. We all know the wedding is for the woman and this is coming from a man who believes in marriage.

Don’t forget that a woman is also entitled to 50% of the man’s income after a divorce. Independent upon the length of the marriage and/or whether or not the wealth was generated before or after the marriage. Alimony was meant as a way to protect a housewife who had spent her time supporting her husband. Since she was not working, but was supporting her husband in his endeavors his income was her income. Therefore upon a divorce, half of his salary would have to go to support his ex-wife as this is what she has earned. I am in full belief of this principle.

However, with most women in the workforce today, this tends not to be the case anymore. Yet, men continue to be fearful of getting married and losing half of their wealth to a woman that never helped them achieve it. Hence the over usage of the prenuptial agreement.

The conclusion that many men are coming too is to just not get married. Do you understand now why it is so hard to convince some men to get married? Do you see why it is important to learn a man’s point of view on marriage, so you can understand what you need to do to convince a man to want to get married. Stop trying to force men into wanting to get married. Instead learn what you need to do to combat these negative perceptions about marriage, so your boyfriend will want to propose.

The reason workmen always put tape or barriers around fresh cement is simple: anything that happens to that cement will be permanent. If a cheeky kid writes their name or an inattentive jogger steps in it then it will forever bear that shape. So workers are very careful about the way they leave their projects, knowing that this is the final form they want it to take.

Relationships are a the same when they cross that threshold into marriage. Whatever things look like beforehand, they will probably resemble after, just more set that way. If you find your man is not one to clean up after himself, that will not magically change with a ring on his finger. Similarly, if you are a compulsive tidier, the chances are that you will still be following him around with a laundry hamper in ten years’ time. Whatever patterns and behaviors have been established in your relationship and lives during the dating years will continue after the wedding, and quite possibly not just solidify but strengthen.

This means that you might want to look long and hard at how you and your prospective mate deal with these little issues between you, before they become serious sore spots. While it may be cute at first that he is always rushing to iron a shirt before work in the morning, it won’t take many months for the novelty to wear off and it to become a source of frustration. If something like this looks like it could become a point of conflict, it is better to address it sooner rather than later. By and large, people don’t take well to being asked to change, least of all men. So dealing with these ‘little things’ may not be easy. That’s when you need to consider if they are going to be deal breakers, because once the cement sets, you have to live with it.

The other thing to consider is how flexible you are willing to be. It’s a two-way street, the process of negotiating and accepting change. If you are aware of habits and foibles you have that rub your partner up the wrong way, imagine the exponential frustration increase that five, ten or twenty years of it may cause. Then consider whether you are willing to try to modify your own behavior to make life together easier.

Relationships are an ongoing work of communication and compromise. However, once you commit to marrying, you are accepting the person ‘as is’ in many ways. It’s not to say they can’t change, but it may be too late to discover that the one habit you can’t live with is the one that they can’t live without. Be very careful that the cement sets in a shape you can spend the rest of your life with. Learn what must know before trying to get your boyfriend to marry you

I know and understand that having a dream wedding is important for every woman. Making sure that your wedding is memorable and special is crucial for that little girl inside a woman. Feeling like she is a princess for one day is a dream come true.

I must admit I love watching wedding shows on tv. I like seeing that magical moment created from beginning to end. There is one thing I see in these wedding shows and that is the wedding is all about the woman. It seems that nobody really cares if the groom even shows up.

These brides want red carpets, horse drawn carriages, massive rings, giant flower arrangements, massive banquet halls, and then things get strange with circus performers or stunt acts. I could write an entire book on the crazy things some women come up with for weddings to make them unique.

What these brides are forgetting is that a wedding is supposed to be the public declaration of love between two people. To let all friends and family know that they are committed to each other “until death do us part.” It is also a time to let your partner know that despite all the people in the world, that you choose them. To make your partner feel your love and to show your love in front of everybody. To scream your love to the world.

Do you understand why a man would become hesitant about getting married as the price rises and things become more and more extravagant? Of course, If a man loves you he wants to make the wedding day special for the woman he is marrying. At the same time the groom wants he to feel loved and special on his wedding day as well.

A guy doesn’t need the giant ten foot cake, the $50,000 banquet hall, or a horse drawn carriage to feel special. To feel special a man needs to have your love and attention on his wedding while being surrounded by friends and family.

When you are thinking about, talking about and/or planning your wedding with your boyfriend always remember to ask yourself is this about making you (as the bride) feel special or for the both of you to feel special. If all your focus is on you and making you feel special, don’t be surprised when your boyfriend begins to get cold feet. Planning your wedding is a huge decision and if you are going to be selfish in this decision, its probably just a sign of things to come. No man wants to be with a selfish woman. If he thinks that you will be selfish in every major decision the both of you will have to make together, then chances are good it will scare him off the idea of getting married. For your wedding focus on expressing your love for him and not just seeing what you can do to make you feel more special. This is key to getting your boyfriend to be excited about getting married.

Men can become very hesitant when it comes to marriage because of certain marriage nightmares that keep them awake at night. While we may not experience these nightmares personally, this does not stop us from seeing these nightmares first hand with friends, family members and even on tv. I have decided to release these nightmares that swim around deep down in a man’s subconscious mind that can prevent him from proposing marriage.

The first thing you must understand about men is that a Man loves a woman for who they are now. If a man is with you then he really does like you for who you are, inside and out. Exactly how you are! While you may see flaws all over your body, he sees perfection. With that said men are constantly afraid of what their partner might turn into, especially when that ring is put on her finger.

As people get older we change and grow, but some people transform into a completely different person all together. Sometimes it can be for the better, other times it is for the worst. Its the fear a woman may turn into a complete nightmare that scares men. A prime example of a marriage nightmare is Kate Gosselin from the tv show Jon and Kate plus eight. While I am not saying Jon is completely innocent within the relationship, Kate’s behavior towards Jon is some of the worst I have ever seen.

Kate would yell, scream, nag and continuously treat Jon like a child. In fact by the end of the show, I don’t think I ever saw her talk to him in a civil manner. There was even one moment when it was just the two of them talking to the camera and Kate spazzes at Jon for breathing. How a person can get upset over someone else breathing is beyond me, but she did.

Kate showed him little to no respect and emasculated him continuously. Then Kate is shocked when Jon filed for divorce. I’m sure when Kate and Jon were dating she was a very nice sweet woman, but eventually over time with 8 children, stress from work and life in general she slowly turned into a nagging, annoying, whining, crying, hag! Everything a man fears a woman will turn into when he marries her.

This isn’t an isolated incident, as stated on MSN.com “It takes a certain kind of charmer to get fired off a show before it even begins, and that’s just what happened to Kate Gosselin (aka the most obnoxious woman on television). Tapped as a potential co-host for a “View” style talk show called “Momlogic,” Gosselin alienated the producers with her unpleasant public behavior (including her split from husband Jon) and got axed in the process. Sadly, this setback didn’t keep her off TV: we had to endure her on “Dancing with the Stars” (where she allegedly pushed to have her pro partner fired, despite the fact that he carried her dead weight through each weekly routine).”

As I said before, everybody changes with time, but since a man loves you for who you are now, he truly hopes that you will still somewhat resemble the person he fell in love with 40 years from now. This is one of the reasons guys like to date for longer periods of time, because we want to see how much you will change personality wise over a few years. If a bad change is significant then that means you have the potential to become a Kate. I know that marriage should be about loving that person, but no man in his right mind wants to end up with a Kate. If you want to get married to your boyfriend you have to put his mind at ease that you will never ever become a Kate. Learn the steps you need to know toGet Your Boyfriend To Marry You

Why are men so afraid of marriage? Why are all guys so scared of proposing to a woman they love? Why can’t I find a man that wants to get married?

The answer to this question is, men are not afraid of marriage. What men are scared of is marrying or committing to the wrong woman. There is not a single man alive that would not be willing to marry a beautiful model, who is intelligent, financially successful and has the heart of an angel. In fact many of these commitmentphobes women talk about would jump on a opportunity like that faster then most other men.

It is not that these men are afraid of marriage, its just he might be afraid of marrying you. That might sound mean, but you have to understand that the reason he is hesitant is because he has seen something within you that makes him a bit uneasy. Instead of jumping into marriage with you, he is holding off to make sure what he has seen doesn’t get any worst.

What you have to understand about men is we never to rarely ever think about the future when it comes to relationships. The only time we get a glimpse of the future is when we see something we don’t like. When we are just starting to date a woman, we call these moments “Red Flags” as they are meant to warn us about getting into a relationship with this person. When a man is in a monogamous long term relationship with a woman, these future glimpses become even more powerful and scary.

The reason they become so powerful is because he knows who you are now, he knows how you act, he has seen you at your best when the relationship was all passion and fireworks, and he has seen you at your worst. He has also seen you change as a person, he knows what you want in a relationship and what you expect out of a relationship. He has a clear mental map of his life with you in it.

Then one day he may notice something that will change his calculation of how his life will be with you in the future. This could be a number of things, a prime example may be nagging. In the beginning of the relationship you never nagged, you both got along so well. Now you may nag him at least once a day.

Once he realizes this he will do a quick calculation in his head. “If she presently nags me once a day, then that means 10 years from now, when we’re married she will nag me 10x more each day.”

This calculation can be used on anything in the relationship, ie: always upset, screaming, crying, never happy, depressed, over shopping, irresponsible behavior, etc.

There is also a similar calculation for moments when his needs are not being met. For example “If we only make love once a month which is not enough, then that means in 10 years, we will be having sex once a year or less.” He knows that if his needs are not being satisfied now, then he is definitely in for an unsatisfied life in the future if he gets married.

So what does he do? He slows the idea of marriage down. He bides his time and waits to see how you will change before he will make any decision about marrying you.

Why doesn’t he talk to you about how he is feeling? Every man knows saying “Sweetie, I love you, but you really do some things that make me question whether marriage is even a possibility with you.” is a one way ticket to the biggest and worst argument of his life. Instead of having this inevitable blow up, he will wait and watch.

Is this the right way to do it? Probably not, but when a man who naturally doesn’t ever think about the future gets that shocking glimpse of a tragic and terrifying future it can be scary. So you have to keep in mind, it is not the fact he is scared of marriage. In fact he is not even scared of marrying you. He is scarred of the future you that doesn’t even exist. To get him to want to get married you need to learn how to show him what an amazing future he will have and how all his calculations are wrong. To learn more go to ===> How To Get Your Boyfriend To Propose

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

paulwrigth@decodingmen.com

P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail your
friends and let them know about it. Thanks!

P.P.S. If you would like to have a Question answered or would
just like to send a Comment, please:

1) Tell us what’s working for you before you ask your question.
This helps other people to see what’s working, so please be
specific.

2) Be specific when you ask your question.

3) At the end of the email, give us your initials and tell us where
you’re from.