Want to know what makes a marriage great? So did we! We asked hundreds of happy wives. (Hint: It doesnt always have to be work when youre in it with someone you love.)

Want to know what makes a marriage great? So did we! We asked hundreds of happy wives. (Hint: It doesn't always have to be work when you're in it with someone you love.)

1 of 11

Getty Images

The little things will always matter

“Charlie makes the coffee and sets the timer every night. I put out his cup with a spoon and the sweetener every morning. The few times when it’s not there, he knows I'm mad.” – Dayna Steele, 54, Seabrook, TX, married 22 years

2 of 11

Getty Images

Making fun of your husband is a bad sign

“The golden rule in my marriage is to respect one another, and not just face to face, but also when the other isn’t around. If you talk about your husband in a degrading way to your friends, complain about him in a group, or call him out in public for something that can be handled privately, it’s indicative that you need to handle something bigger in private. Sure, having a good friend to vent to is helpful, but that’s not the same as trash-talking your partner to anyone who will listen.” — Brooke Carsner, 33, Portland, OR, married two years

3 of 11

Getty Images

Talk money early and often

“So many marriages end because of financial disagreements or dishonesty. Keeping everything out in the open and sharing your financial hopes and goals will help you communicate about everything more effectively. Money—actually, the lack thereof—puts major stress on a marriage, and without a clear plan, it’s easy for animosity and resentment to build up. Together, my husband and I paid off more than $127K in four years. I’m not sure where our marriage would be right now if we were still entrenched in so much debt.” — Cherie Lowe, 35, Greenwood, IN, married 14 years

4 of 11

Getty Images

Welcome each other home with a kiss

“We do it every night. Then we sit on the couch with no distractions—no TV, dinner, kids, or dogs. Sometimes we’ll have a glass of wine as we talk about our days, our challenges, our ideas, everything that’s going on that might be joyous, exciting, distracting, or causing stress. It might take a few minutes; it might take a few hours. That way, if there’s anything going on that might disrupt our relationship, we get it out in the open, address it, and move on to the rest of our evening.” — Sandhi Schimmel Gold, 58, South Chesterfield, VA, married 10 years

5 of 11

Getty Images

Love can heal many wounds

“I once got really upset with my husband, which resulted in me crying so hard that he didn't know what to say or do. He got very quiet and tried to comfort me, but my response was something like, ‘Well, that's all fine now, but what happens when this wound re-opens and I get angry like this again?’ That’s when he made his best statement of all time: 'Then we will just have to pour some love into it. The wound may not go away, but we will keep pouring love into it until it gets smaller and smaller.' Ever since that day, that’s what we’ve done.” — Maggie Reyes, 40, Miami Springs, FL, married six years

6 of 11

Getty Images

Lists aren’t just for to-dos

“When we get married, many of us expect that since we love each other, our relationships will need little to no work. However, there are almost certainly times when we don't like each other. During our rough patch, my husband and I made lists of the things we loved about each other, like ‘I love the way you parent our children,’ or ‘I love the way you look when you are sleeping.’ They served as reminders of the good stuff—we chose to focus on the positive. I think it saved our marriage.” — Kim Boerman, 46, Charleston, SC, married 22 years

7 of 11

Getty Images

It’s time for your annual review

“Every January, my husband and I have a meeting about what we want to do that year and how will it affect our family. It’s helped us narrow down some major life decisions, like moving to a new state. It also allows us to dream a little. The excitement over checking things off of our life bucket lists, like having a kid, going back to school, and buying our first house, has made us so much closer.” – Nikki Wallace Wilson, 31, Dallas, married eight years

8 of 11

Getty Images

Don’t sweat (or smell) the small stuff

“If you find his socks on the floor, fight the instinct to smell them to determine if they are clean. This could be fatal. Instead, be thankful for your husband and throw the socks in the hamper. Use the moment to remember that we all have imperfections. He’s overlooking some of yours too.” — Liz Rampy, 38, Easley, SC, married 15 years

9 of 11

Getty Images

Be friends first and spouses second

“I have suffered from mental illness, including two years of severe depression. During that time, I shut down and shut people out, including those closest to me. I was not able to be the wife or mom I wanted to be, or that I thought my husband deserved. If we didn’t have the foundation of friendship that we do, we wouldn’t have made it through.” — Danielle Hark, 33, Millburn, NJ, married seven years

10 of 11

Getty Images

Don’t be afraid of a little PDA

“Show how much you love your husband by kissing his hand, rubbing his shoulders, or putting your hands on one another’s knee. You don’t have to force it or be overly affectionate, but showing love outside of the house reinforces a natural part of marriage. Plus, it has the potential to be a super-sexy, amazingly playful preview of what will happen at home!” — Stephanie Freeman, 44, Raleigh, NC, married 19 years

11 of 11

Getty Images

Being right is overrated

“Early on in my marriage, I refused to admit I was wrong. My husband and I argued over the silliest little things, like the best way to get to the store or the right way to load the dishwasher. But I realized that by always insisting that I was right, I was causing avoidable and pointless fights. Now I ask myself, Is this really worth it? And most times, it's not. Picking my battles has made my husband listen more, because he knows I don't disagree over everything. So let your husband do things his way sometimes. You’re better off supporting his decision and, if it’s wrong, learning from it.” — Cari Andreani, 40, Jacksonville, FL, married 17 years

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
Redbook participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.