~ “I just kind of conjured them up out of my subconscious and put them in order of ascending peculiarity.” Edward Gorey

Audition

I kind of see the Japanese horror film “Audition” as a cautionary tale. It is also the reason why I never went the way of internet dating…because crazy doesn’t really translate onto paper now, does it?

“Audition,” a film by Takashi Miike, tells the story of a widower who decides to find his new bride by holding a series of auditions by telling them it was for a role in a movie he’s directing. Wouldn’t you know it, he manages to pick out Asami Yamazaki, Ms. Psychopath of the Year.

Since the Japanese are fond of taking slow-moving storytelling to the next level, I was able to do a whole load of laundry while keeping an eye out for the “good” parts. And boy, there were plenty. That creepy scene where it was revealed that Asami lived in a crumbling apartment with nothing but a telephone and a giant sack that makes gurgling sounds in the room; the old man in a wheelchair watching a young Asami dance before burning her thighs; a description of a murder so grisly that literally turned my stomach (I think what puts it over the top was when it was said that extra body parts were found at the crime scene).

I’m not going to give it all away. Let’s just say that this movie might’ve been a shout out to women’s lib, but in the typical disturbing J-Horror way.

We first meet the sweet and demure Asami at the audition.

During the flashback, we see why Asami turned out the way she did.

The super psycho Asami and an example of what happens to some abused children with strong and twisted will if not treated properly by licensed psychiatrists.

You can definitely stream this off Netflix. But a word of caution: This movie teeters dangerously between mind-numbing tedium and utter terror. Consider yourself warned!