MacApple also offers a whole range of Man4Life programmes for MiLife users operating in a virus-free environment (no ManFlu) and on a more secure and stable operating system for you and your loves ones.

MiBoyfriend® inc. Man4Life versions of iDate, iShop and iWash plug-ins. Compatible with all ages (no home or child functions)

MiHusband Professional Day’n’Nite® The full monty! As MiHusband Professional but with more plug-ins than you know what do with (all Ann Summers approved), improved speed and overall system performance – day and night!

WiFey - all MiHusband® programmes come with full WiFey controls and filters so you can set your own sports, drinking, gaming, TV and bedroom levels.

MobileMan

®

Keep your man up-to-date — without having to call home or you fussing! MobileMan is a service that automatically pushes your man around over the air. So your man is always up-to

-date, wherever he is! You also get an elegant Gallery for sharing your photos of your man with friends and family and iDisk for storing and sharing important documents online. And you can access and manage your man with a suite of web applications at www.mimobileman.com.

Additional Man4Life software for MiLife

MiBedroom – improved WiFey compatible bedroom control

DoesItHimself – for all your home improvements

Coming soon!

MultiTask4Men – you won’t believe the difference!

NB - we recommend you avoid the following games -

Touchy Feeley

Incredible Sulk

MiPhone Man4Life apps

For the MacApple MiPhone there are of course lots of Man4Life APPS for running your husband both on the move and remotely, including -

iSpy– a GPS app to see where he shouldn’t be

MiTaxi – the personal runaround app for you and the kids

Sexting – SMS-based private app

Where2Wii – GPS app detailing all town centre public conveniences

MiMan – the remote alerting app that senses when you’re your man is about to play away and brings him home safe and sound

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance -- particularly in the chocolates, flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing Computer Games and Continuous TV.

Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate Windows user

.....................................................................

Dear Desperate Windows user

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is supposed to be an Operating System.

Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears. Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery,Flowers, Chocolates.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time.