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NEWS: Master Chief Jealous Over Blue Team’s Surnames Being Revealed

One would think that out of all people, the Master Chief would be the last to succumb to jealousy. However, with the rest of Blue Team having their surnames revealed in their respective articles in Halo Waypoint‘s Universe Section, John-117 has most certainly been pushed over the edge. Envy, desire, and frustration have consumed the now AWOL Spartan.

But wait!

The Master Chief has reached out to HaloSwallower to explain his unsatisfactory:

I’m the most influential hero in the goddamn galaxy. Yo dawg I’m a bigger guardian than foking Starlod. Mah name should have done been revealed, and imma not amused by this rapscallion of a decision.

The Chief has at least expressed gratitude over fans being able to see his well-chiseled face, which occurred at the end of Halo 4 to fans completing the game Legendary and/or looking it up on YouTube because they decided to finish Legendary on coop. He was upset though, over his eyes being covered in shadow.

“I don’t even wear that much makeup,” he said. “And I use more lipstick than eyeshadow anyway.”

After the Chief left HaloSwallower’s super secret fortress, witnesses report that he went to the set of Jurassic World and began viciously burning down Plesiosaur orphanages.