(Closed) Need advice please (family drama… what else)

Hello everyone! I haven’t posted in awhile since I have been a busy bee with planning my wedding but have had some drama the past little while.. could really really use some advice as it’s been stressing me out to the point where I am getting an eye twitch and TMJ back again.. ughh!

So my fiancé and I are getting married in Mexico this November – we are paying for it ourselves, planning it ourselves and made the guest list ourselves. We had spoken about it before we put it on the invites that we were going to be having an at home reception spring 2015. My parents, since we wanted to do Mexico ourselves, offered to pay for the at home reception, alongside my fiancé’s parents.

All was good – or so I thought and we were in the midst of talking about an at home reception when my parents phoned my fiancé’s parents to see how they wanted to contribute. I should note that my mother in law has mentioned NUMEROUS times that she wanted to contribute to the wedding, so we told her the at home reception would be good. Anyway – my parents call and she is all game for it and even offers to write a check on the spot and then two days later when I am out of the house, talks to my fiancé how she sees no point in the at home reception and then accuses my dad of backing her into a corner and being blunt with her – which he wasn’t, there was 3 people in the room and he was not at all. She was down as well on her way to rehab (for addiction to prescription drugs I may add) and her and I had a chat for an hour about it, as when I found out she lied to my parents, I didn’t talk to her for a week. She doesn’t want to have at home reception because she is worried that it will reflect badly on her and cause drama in the family, since my fiancé is her only son and she has been accused of babying him many times in the past (against his wishes).

Fast forward to the past two weeks.. my fiancé now doesn’t want an at home reception, he says it has been his true feelings all along and has just kept quiet about it. My parents are pissed off because of my fiancé’s mom lying to them. They approached my fiancé about the subject when we were on road trip in the states this weekend and he was honest with them about it, which they didn’t like, so they were a tad bit on the not so nice side to him on Saturday, out of frustration.

I don’t condone my parents behavior whatsoever this weekend and I stuck up for my fiancé quite a few times – but since my parents are warm, genuine people who have been there our entire relationship for us, rather than his parents who would rather smoke a joint and not be involved whatsoever – I can understand why my parents would be upset. My fiancé says my parents reasoning for having at home reception is unfounded, that the fact they “want to show us off” and have a reception is not about us – which I get it, but I also get that they are proud and want to do something nice. They aren’t even asking his parents to contribute at this point as they are pissed off.

What do I do? My fiancé thinks my parents are unfounded, I think his parents are – I’m just at a loss. There are so many issues besides this going on. I also should mention I would like an at home reception.

I’m with your parents on this. You guys told them it was a GO and now he and his family are changing their minds. I’d be very annoyed with my Fiance, frankly. Even if his parents back out, why can’t your parents throw a party if they want to? He’s being ungracious.

lilymarie23: It is possible that your FI’s family is backing out because he doesn’t want the reception? I think the way that this happened was crappy, but I think you should take his feelings into consideration. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a rception, but maybe you guys should find a compromise somewhere.

lilymarie23: If your Mother-In-Law is in rehab for drug addiction, she has far bigger concerns than your second wedding reception. It comes across as pretty inappropriate and self absorbed to be jacking someone up about contributing to a party when they are in the midst of a serious personal/medical crisis.

I guess I should expand more on this so I don’t come across heartless or mean or “self absorbed” which is my fault, as I should of been more clear in my orginal post.

I haven’t told my mother in law that I am disappointed or jacked her up or anything whatsoever.. I am not that kind of person. I am very compassionate. She is in rehab as WCB made her go to get off her pills here in Canada – this was happening long before she was forced to go, 20 years, even before my time with my fiance ( which has been nine years)

She is caring about our wedding, which we don’t want her to as we want her to focus on her issues. The rehab she is in, she stays at a hotel and can come and go as she pleases on weekends – so it’s a big deal but not a big deal if you know what I mean. She has been weening herself off the pills for the past 6 months but now they are monitoring her. She does NOT have an addiction to weed. she has been a pot smoker her entire life and I am sure will still be when she is done her outpatient rehab here in 7 weeks

Bridey77 – no, he was all game for it until his mom called him and now he has changed his tune.

I’m just pissed because I talk to his mom once, twice a week and she was game for months and then all of a sudden changed her tune. It’s like, why do you even bother or why did you even volunteer. My fiance and I automatically asssumed his parnets wouldn’t help whatsoever but she kept insisting on it (even with her being in rehab) numerous times. My parents were willing in the begining to pay for it all on their own but she insisted on 6-7 occasions she wanted to help.

That’s why I am upset. it’s not even that she doesn’t want to contribute, I could care less if she doesn’t want to put money into it. I’m mad that she insisted 6-7 occasions so my parents put off doing things and then she changes her mind and is now talking about it behind our backs and what not. I’m trying to remember that is in rehab and maybe is not herself but it’s hard when this has been the normal for the enitre 9 years of mine and my fiance’s relationship and just now she causing so much drama, rehab or not.

lilymarie23: I’m so siding with your ‘rents. Tons of people do both- it’s the only feasible way to include other people you love AND have an awesome Destination Wedding. In fact, Fiance and I thought about this as an option if we had more $$ to spend on wedding.

I really don’t understand what the big deal is on his end. Other people are paying for it, it’s a fun and wonderful way to include other people in your new marriage, and it gives you guys a chance to celebrate something awesome.

They all sound so annoying. I’m not as nice as you. If it were me, I would tell Fiance to suck it up buttercup, ignore the inlaws, and give the parents carte blanche to plan what they wanted.