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1.11.2007

Today marked 42 days since we got the phone call that told us we were parents. Tomorrow will be 42 days since we first saw our daughter's face. And that means 42 days have passed without being able to hold the child we have longed for these past 6 years.

I write that to say that becoming parents was something we were ready for 6 years ago. I know already that we had to wait until now to get "our" child. God knew of her in December of 2000 (as He already knows all that have already lived and all that are yet to live) and knew that she, Lian Bao Zhen ( soon to be forever known as Kylie BaoZhen) was suited to be with us. Or better yet, that we were suited to be her parents. Of that I have no doubt! God picked Kylie as He will select siblings for her one day. I have His peace about Kylie being THE child for us.

The hard part now is this uncertain wait. 42 days have come and gone. Someone else has seen her first smile of the morning, heard her cries for hunger, fed her bottles, changed her diapers, kissed her sweet cheeks, stroked her "fuzzy" head, carried her around, watched her learn to crawl, put her in her crib for a nap, listened to hear her babble when she wakes up, taken her out in the sunshine, played "peek-a-boo" with her, talked baby talk with her, laid her in her crib at night, rubbed her back, and watched her sleep. I have no doubt that she is cared for deeply. But SOMEONE ELSE is the one caring for her right now. Yesterday was her 10 month birthday and I haven't even met her yet. And what's worse is we still don't know when we will...

With no travel authorization, we are stuck in a dreadful holding pattern. No travel arrangements can be made until we have that TA. From that point our Consulate Appointment (necessary for Kylie to become an American citizen) will be made by our agency (AWAA), but CA appointments fill quickly. And with Chinese New Year on the near horizon, the delay of getting our TA could mean that we can't travel until AFTER CNY is finished, which would put us meeting Kylie right around her 1st birthday. Not that I would love her any less, but oh how I long to begin getting to know my daughter.

And yet I still have a peace. God is capable of more than we can begin to imagine. He made us realize that adoption was the plan He had for us to grow a family. (We were planning to take a mission trip for our 6th anniversary and found ourselves drawn to trips working in orphanages...) He led us to select China as a birthcountry for our child (the world is such a big place, how do we choose?) He led us through several "hiccups" in our paperwork process (it's a pain when you live in NC and work with a company in CA). He got us through a 15 month wait from Log in date to referral when we expected a six month wait. (Yes folks, that's time and a half there!) And just yesterday a dear friend looked me in the eye after hearing that there is a possibility (though very slight) that we won't get to travel until March and said, "How in the world are you holding up? How do you have a smile on your face and a good attitude to back it up?" And I had one simple reply! "God is getting me through from all the prayer that has been lifted by our family and friends!" One of my favorite songs by Casting Crowns is "I Will Praise You in This Storm," and that is what I'm doing now. God has sustained us and made each day bearable as we wait. Without Him, I know I'd be in a depression right now!

Please join us in praying that our TA will come quickly enough for travel on the 25th of January! We're expecting great things from our Heavenly Father!