Friday, June 24, 2011

I don't know where they got it, because neither of us are big shoppers BUT these are NYC kids and they see everything from their stroller! I have a bunch of shopping bags stuck in between the wall and the fridge and they found them, put them on their arms, went to the door, waved bye bye and blew me kisses.

I don't even know where to start. We are all doing great, but oh so busy. I've been nanny free for over 3 weeks now and while most days are great (really!) the last two have made me crazy. Granted I put myself in some stressful situations in trying to be twin supermom and keeping up with my mom friends (with singletons) going to concerts and fountains and easy-with-one-kid-but-insane-with-twins stuff.

I know there are those who disagree with me, but if you don't have twins, you just don't get it. Doubt me? Take my boys to the playground for an hour and get back to me on your thoughts.

W2, is high insane energy. He is hard, hard work and he has been since day 1! He does not stop. The boy is intense and unless you've had even 1 kid like him, you won't get it. Grunter is *more* laid back and I'm very thankful for that!Neither one are kids that stay near mommy when outside and they don't need to be near each other either. Mostly, they run in the exact opposite direction. I run non-stop damage control!

All my "mom" friends are in agreement about W2, he is like a smiley tornado tearing through. He plows over anything in his way in order to get what he wants. He had his first outside temper tantrum yesterday over another kid's toy. His emotions are so intense. He gets so focused on ONE thing. Distraction means nothing to him.

I worry about Grunter not getting enough attention from me and try so hard to get the balance right.

They are a blast (overall) and everyday spent with them is amazing. This age is exhausting for me, but so much fun, too!

I have so much more I want to write, but not much time these days.

Chicken has been traveling some (4 days in Chicago, 3 coming up to SF), and I'll be solo. It's crazy hard, but incredibly rewarding at the end of the day to know that I did it all by myself. I thought for so long I couldn't, but I really can and I am. (but I'd still like a little p/t help before I collapse!)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I never meant for it to be so provoking and I really was interested in what others thought.

As for myself, initially I *thought* I would be OK with it. But the more I sat on it and let it sink in, I knew I could never hire a manny.

Here's why:

I was sexually/emotionally/physically abused starting from age 6 until I was 20. By men. All of them from the age of 6-13 were caregivers. They were the ones who were supposed to make sure I was SAFE and instead, well....they really fucked up my life for a long time. One ended up being my step-father. My mother knew he was sexually abusing me (because I told her and begged her not to marry him) but she convinced herself that I was lying and married him anyway. When I fought the sexual abuse, the beatings got worse. I was made to choose my own branch that he would whip me with and I had to strip naked for the beating. Good Times.

I'm still not sure why I'm not crazier than I am! No seriously, I must've been a strong little girl, because no one came around to save me and I just kept on surviving and fighting. Unfortunately I am now in my 40's and my urge to keep fighting to survive is so ingrained in me, I really don't know of another way to live. I don't need to fight anymore. I am doing SO much more than surviving. I never learned the right way to 'connect' with people and I can often rub people the wrong way with my fighter ways. I don't want my kids to end up in the wrong hands--which they can with either sex--but no matter what you might think, the majority of sex crimes and abuse to children are committed by men. There. That's what I think.

I am scarred for life by this. To this day, when I see a little girl siting on her father's lap my VERY FIRST thought is, "He's totally getting off on that. That's how it all starts." Followed by my second thought which is "No, no, no, no, no. It doesn't always have to be like that." Will that first voice ever leave my head? I doubt it. I know it's not rational, but I just can't stop the thought and I find myself looking closely at the man--watching watching for a sign. I am skeptical.

Because of my experience I am less skeptical of gay men, but overall, I would worry.

Right or wrong, I would worry.

I don't want to worry. I don't need more stress.

We are good here. Busy, but good. I still don't have a nanny. More on that later...

And the unchallenge. Good Lord, I still want to catch up on that. Maybe.

Friday, June 3, 2011

When Chicken has a work dinner event I'm secretly pleased because it means I get to watch trash TV. There are many nights we don't have the TV on at all (like all this week) because she is working all night and I'm busy in the kitchen, etc. I actually like NOT watching TV because I get so much done. But if I'm all alone...the lure is just too strong to fight sometimes!

What do I watch?

Intervention (I love me some good junkie stories)

16 and Pregnant

Teen Mom

I used to watch Hoarders, but it was too depressing even for me. Seems like a lot of you watch Sister Wives....hmmm. Might have to check that out.

There's a CVS across the street from me and I'm in there almost daily for a milk run (cheapest in the hood for hormone free milk). That damn CVS loves to put cereal on sale and they display it right as you walk in. If they have Cocoa Pebbles on sale (2 for $5!), I buy one...or two. And then you will find me eating a huge bowl of cereal for dinner and um, maybe lunch. It's so BAD.

I cannot pass a Dairy Queen without jonseing for a Snickers Blizzard. Thankfully there's not a DQ for miles around.

Starbucks Bacon/Egg/Gouda sandwich (is that a guilty treat? It feels indulgent to order a breakfast sandwich at Starbucks.)

If I'm in Asia, I crave frozen Twix and super cold Diet Coke. Why in Asia? I have no idea.....

Chicken's new guilty pleasure is very specific: Victoria's Secret cotton gstrings. She ordered a batch (can panties be a batch?) the other day and I opened them up, looked at the receipt and declared, "You paid $9.99 for ONE pair of panties?!" Because I'm a 3 for $10 kind of bargain undie shopper. She looked appalled and said, "That pair was for your birthday." Oops. I sheepishly apologized and then let her know...they were the wrong size. No present for me!

KJ--I'll try to find some old HS photos to scan in when I have time (hahahaha).

Because I never quite knew who "I" was, I tended to have friends from every group--the drama kids, the stoners, the jocks, the cheerleaders, the band geeks.

My "in" crowd ended up being the drama crew.

Every major dance date I had ended up being gay later in life. Hmmmm.

I was a band geek (flute) for 8th, 9th and 10th grade. I wanted to play the drums, but those were for boys. I hated the flute.

I tried out for cheerleading in Jr. High and sucked really bad.

I was the stats keeper for the girls bb team in 9th grade because I couldn't actually play bb.

I was in a couple of school plays, but never anything more than small roles/bits as I couldn't properly sing/dance/act.

I didn't have the opportunity to be in any activities since my junior year I was on my own and only went to school 1/2 day so I could work full time.

I could not WAIT to get out of high school and my small town.

I lived here:

Which was right down the street from the high school.

It also no longer exists as I grew up in....Joplin, Missouri.

I feel horrible for the people that were affected. My aunt and uncle were pulled from the rubble. They lost everything, but they are alive. For me, it seems like an awful news story. I hated this place so much, I am disconnected. I am so sad for everyone there, but it doesn't feel like a part of me.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Hey--what happens if I have something else I want to blog about? Do I have to blog today's questions PLUS do another blog? Hmmm.

Anyway--the question was where do you blog?

Anywhere I can--either on my laptop (preferred) or iPhone (not as fast to type).

Here are a few places:

My LaZyBoy recliner/glider. God I love that thing. I would've taken a shot from the front but my wife is working on the sofa in near naked attire. Working from home sure does cut down on your laundry.The kitchen table or the bed. Note how close they are together. Just climb over the plastic wall and you're in a different room. See the high chairs? The double stroller is parked about 5 inches in back of them which means I'm regularly cleaning oatmeal off my stroller. I've often pondered the idea of getting a splat mat to put over the stroller not under the high chairs.

In nanny news....I've had over 150 applications now and have yet to do an interview. I'm so screwed. Especially since my nanny abruptly left me high and dry since today was her last day and it wasn't supposed to be until Friday. She over-scheduled herself with the move and all. Damn, if I'd known today was her last day I would've taken a shower while she was here. I should really go do that now.

She didn't even say goodbye. Just texted me to say she couldn't come in tomorrow or Friday because of the movers, etc. I'm so confused. And sad.

Oh, and Chicken is gone for four days next week so I'm flying solo for awhile. And it's my birthday. Yeah, while she's gone. It pretty much sucks. Anywho...

Not that I would do it...but I remarked to Chicken, "You know, since I do trial interviews, I could interview every single one of these nannies and have a free hour of help every morning and afternoon for the entire summer." She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "That seems really complicated."

I have an interview on Friday. I have about 10 others saved in my favorites. There are some gems out there, thank god.

Meet Your Blogger

Pufferfish (43) and Chicken (35), live in NYC with our 2.5 year old twin boys. We travel every chance we can and currently are gearing up for a year long travel adventure starting Fall 2013.
I own all photos and words on these pages. If you wish to use my photos or blog posts, please contact me first and you must credit and link back to this blog.