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Reader's Dilemma: "I'm Awkward Around My Boyfriend's Friends"

Today, a reader worries that she's a wallflower around her boyfriend's friends. Here's my advice...

Here's our lovely reader's question:

I've been dating my boyfriend for six months, and things are wonderful. My only problem is that I can't relax around his friends. Although I tend to be shy, I usually warm up quickly and will be joking around by the end of the night. But that doesn't happen around his friends. I think I'm nervous because a) I know his friends mean a lot to him and I really want them to like me and b) they already have a tight-knit group of mostly married couples, so I feel like the outsider.

I see a great future for my boyfriend and me, and I don't want to dread seeing his friends. I know that if I relaxed we would have a good time. How can I relax and be myself? What are good conversation topics that will keep things fun?

Here's my answer:

My doll, you poor thing! We've all been there! I first moved to New York, I hung out frequently with my then-boyfriend and his friends, who totally intimidated me! I was a Midwestern girl with braids and khakis, while they were all born-and-bred city kids with high-rise apartments and perfectly ripped jeans. They even good-naturedly nicknamed me, "The farmer's daughter." Although they were friendly and funny, I just couldn't relax. I definitely know how you feel.

Luckily, now that I'm older and wiser, I've learned a few tricks for relaxing around new people, even when you're nervous:

1) Enlist your boyfriend as your partner-in-crime. If your boyfriend knows that you're nervous, he can help you out by including you in conversations. For example, if his friends are talking about summer trips to California, he can say, "Megan grew up in L.A.," and help bring you out of your shell.

2) Ask your boyfriend to tell you fun facts about his friends. He can tell you about their new jobs, favorite movies and secret talents. Then, when you're hanging out with them, you can say, "So, Matt told me that you have a unicycle..." and you'll have an easy way to break the ice. And he might reveal things that you and his friends have in common, such as yoga or cooking, and you'll get psyched to talk to them about those passions.

3) Hang out in smaller groups for a while. Ask your boyfriend if you guys can set up a few double-dates or small gatherings. That way, instead of feeling like a fish out of water in a giant group, you can ease into it by hanging out with a few of his friends at a time. You can go to dinner with another couple, for example, and then, the next time you're in a bigger group, you'll feel more comfortable around those two.

4) Invite people over to your house. If you throw a little gathering, you'll be in your comfort zone, and people will naturally talk to you more, since they'll want the recipe for your yummy brownies, compliment your pretty house and ask about the photos on your wall. And you can always host a games night (think: Apples to Apples or Cranium), which eases conversation since you'll get into the game and forget about being nervous!

5) Ask questions. Everyone (everyone!) likes talking about themselves. So ask people fun and casual questions, like "How was your weekend?" "How's your new job going?" "Where did you get that cute dress?" and "Have you seen any good movies lately?"

6) Ask his married friends the Most Foolproof Question of All Time: "How did you two meet?" Couples love telling the story of how they came together (here are Smitten readers' stories!) and it's fun to listen to them wax nostalgic. Good vibes will flow, and then they'll ask you how you met your boyfriend. You'll be conversing and clicking before you can say, "One night, on my way to the gym..."

7) Smile. Even if you're feeling extra shy, just sit back and smile. You'll be a lovely presence, and soon, his friends will feel comfortable around you and start drawing you out.

My lovely, I hope this helps! Any other ideas, my dear readers? Have you ever felt shy around your boyfriend's friends? How did you help yourself relax?