Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Panic in the Sheets

Several years ago there was a gun shop on North Main St. in Providence. The owner was a very old man, and in spite of being surrounded by the safety of hundreds of guns he was robbed. The police had to do a house to house search for the guns, and I’m thankful to this day that they were successful and no one was hurt. The old man went back to business as usual.Texas has more guns than Providence, so you think they’d be really safe. That’s probably why their police have time to defend the public from the threat of–sex toys. The officers risked their purity to raid the den of vice, but all in vain-- a judge who has the Antichrist on speed dial told them to give the stuff back, and that's a problem. From the Houston Chronicle...

The Emperor is gone. So is Cyber Wabbit.Three years after Houston police seized these and hundreds of other sex toys worth $50,000 from the Adult Video Megaplexxx, the devices may be missing from the department's property room.The discovery came to light when a lawyer for the adult-entertainment shop sought to reclaim the 564 items that the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals recently declared legal to sell.After initially telling attorney Richard Kuniansky the sex toys would be returned, Houston police then said they were destroyed."They said no problem, you can send somebody by to pick them up, and then we get another call and it's 'Whoops, we don't have them,' " Kuniansky said.Kuniansky said police told him they were destroyed, but he doubts that explanation."There is apparently no court order authorizing destruction of the property or any record of what happened to the property," he said.

Let the detectives investigate this. Is there a pattern of police officers calling in late? I wouldn’t recommend a house to house search. Ew. But the Texas police need to get more organized.

The police property room, actually more of a warehouse given the massive number of cases it handles, has had its share of woes.A police supervisor who was fired after roughly 30 guns went missing got his job back in June after telling a Houston Civil Service Commission that lapses in security allowed people with criminal records to get access to the property room.

I’m not sure why that makes it okay, but that’s Texas.

Ray Hill, who has been a consultant for adult businesses, said sex toys were too tantalizing for police to destroy."I think the cops stole them," he said. "We've got these gifts to give our girlfriends and friends, and as gags." (more)

It’s incomprehensible that the police would give these deadly devices to their loved ones. Next they’ll be pilfering that hellish weed that turns choir boys into ax murderers. I’m shocked, shocked.In Providence, I’m told, you can buy some things you would be embarrassed for your minister to see. The police are out chasing crimes. I hope. At least that’s what I want them to do. When the murder rate in our city is zero and the cops have lots of time on their hands we’ll talk about it.