Monday, February 19, 2007

as far as i'm concerned you're just another picture to burn

Guess South will be headed to surgery this week. Because I worry so much about him--hey, I do! Many is the night I've tossed and turned, tossed and turned. Then I cut back on my caffiene consumption, started taking melatonin and drinking a shot of whiskey every night, and now I sleep like a drunken baby. Wait, where was I going with that again? Eh, whatever. The point is I have written a Top Ten list for South.

TOP TEN THINGS MIKE SOUTH CAN DO TO PASS THE TIME WHILE RECOUPERATING FROM SURGERY:10. Con nurses into doing free bukkakes by telling them he'll make them "stars."9. Two words: acting lessons.8. Finally. Enough free time to see if the Nick Manning Penis Pump lives up to it's reputation.7. Peruse the net for pictures of hott cops for my site.6. Update his own site DAILY. Whoa. New concept.5. Negotiate with CEO of hospital to put mikesouth.com stickers on all bedpans and pee bottles.4. Work on becoming even more humble than he already is. 3. Sit on the front porch and chuck porn videos at passing Christian Conservatives.2. Work on his AVN Hall of Fame acceptance speech. (I wouldn't waste a lot of time on this one if I was him.)And the Number One thing Mike South can do to pass the time while recouperating from surgery.....1. Bedazzle™ his jeans!

DSL outage in my area a good bit of Sunday. UGH!!I was forced to spend the day watching the offspring clean and do laundry.That was really hard work. For me. To watch.

I love this. You should all know about the 2111 Peter Pan recall by now, but what a lot ofyou might not know is that PP uses the lot number 2111 on ALL their peanut butters and has for a long time.In other words, you could pull a jar of PP off your shelf that you bought two years ago and it would start with 2111.Anywho, one of the Dollar Generals near me has found a unique way to deal with the PP problem. Instead of taking it all off the shelf,they put it on a reduced rack.

I jumped into bed with Mr. G yesterday afternoon to cuddle, straight from the shower.He said, "Cuddling with you is like cuddling a fruit and veggie salad."I'm like, "Whaaa?"He said, "I never know what you're going to smell like. Strawberry? Apricot? Grape koolaid? Watermelon? And now you smell like cucumbers."For the record the "grape kool aid" is actually kiwi body butter. I don't know why he thinks it smells like grape.I've always loved the fruit smells over any sort of fancy perfumes because they all end up smelling like rubbing alcohol to me, especially Avon stuff.I said, "Be prepared for my new lotion: coconut sorbet." Yummy. Smells like Pina Coladas.

Female Offspring #6 came running into the living room with the Petco ad last night. She said, "Look, Mom! Petco is having a Spring Fashion Show and it says 'all pets welcome!'. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"I said, "If the word 'disaster' is anywhere in your thoughts, then yes, I'm thinking what you're thinking.""Mom, it says 'all pets'. That includes Holly.""Really? And what about the fact that we're legally barred from stepping foot on the premesis? Does it say anything about *that* in the ad?"

I found out, too, that I've been eatin' 2111 PB for the last year! So don't nobody worry 'bout ME---I'M IMMUNIZED!!! From now on, it's Smuckers for me---Always did think Pete-Pan looked kinda light in the loafers with that baby-face, and that feathered hat....