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Qoxiivi on "Paphitis & Meaden trump Bannatyne's £50,000 offer on arm-breaking contract"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28711#post-80493
Wed, 03 Aug 2011 13:59:14 +0000Qoxiivi80493@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Cheers peeps. After some more tinkering I think it's now tighter and funnier. I think...
</p>Vertically Challenged Giant on "Paphitis & Meaden trump Bannatyne's £50,000 offer on arm-breaking contract"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28711#post-80484
Wed, 03 Aug 2011 13:25:32 +0000Vertically Challenged Giant80484@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Like it.</p>
<p>Had to resort to google to see what all the Duncan Bannatyne arm jokes were about. Another case of hearing news here first.
</p>the coarse whisperer on "Paphitis & Meaden trump Bannatyne's £50,000 offer on arm-breaking contract"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28711#post-80478
Wed, 03 Aug 2011 13:09:19 +0000the coarse whisperer80478@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Meanwhile customer dissatisfaction with VirginHits has been referred to OffContract.
</p>Des Custard on "Paphitis & Meaden trump Bannatyne's £50,000 offer on arm-breaking contract"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28711#post-80476
Wed, 03 Aug 2011 12:55:47 +0000Des Custard80476@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Excellent. Deserves a moratorium of its own. Please.
</p>Qoxiivi on "Paphitis & Meaden trump Bannatyne's £50,000 offer on arm-breaking contract"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28711#post-80474
Wed, 03 Aug 2011 12:36:15 +0000Qoxiivi80474@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Now expanded into a full sub.
</p>Qoxiivi on "Paphitis & Meaden trump Bannatyne's £50,000 offer on arm-breaking contract"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28711#post-80451
Wed, 03 Aug 2011 09:58:43 +0000Qoxiivi80451@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Fierce competition broke out in the Dragons’ Den last night as all five venture capitalists battled to secure their investment in a potentially lucrative arm-breaking contract.</p>
<p>Darren Payne, a retired bricklayer from Fulham, was demanding £50,000 for a 20% stake in his fledgling limb-mangling enterprise which intends to offer revenge-hungry millionaires high-quality fractures at a fraction of current black market rates.</p>
<p>Brimming with confidence, the entrepreneurial thug was unsurprised that his proposal had courted so much attention from the Dragons.</p>
<p>“You name it; cars, girlfriends, bins... I’ll smash it, and limbs are no different. I’m the best in the business and my prices are much lower than my maim competitors. I offer a service that costs your enemies an arm and a leg, not you.”</p>
<p>Duncan Bannatyne, who was keen on securing Darren’s services to ruin the ulnas of a man who threatened his daughter on Twitter, made the first offer but soon found himself in a bidding war.</p>
<p>“I offered him the full £50,000 with a guaranteed job already lined up; but I wasn’t accepting anything less than a 40% stake. When the other Dragons undercut me, I had to declare myself ‘out’. Protecting my daughter is one thing, but it’s got to be at the right price.”</p>
<p>In an attempt to differentiate themselves from their rivals, Peter Jones and Hilary Devey expressed interest in developing the idea into a specialist ‘on-location dislocation’ service, but were encouraged to walk away from their ‘joint’ offer ‘while they still could’ by the enraged hopeful.</p>
<p>“Listen, I didn’t get my NVQ in Advanced Scapula Damage for nothing. I’m here to entirely destroy appendages, not just inflict a niggling bit of jip.” he said.</p>
<p>In the end, it was Theo Paphitis and Deborah Meaden who, following aggressive negotiation, sealed the deal with a remarkable offer of £100,000 for a mere 1% equity stake between them. Their newest, and most violent, business partner told an intimidated Evan Davis of his delight.</p>
<p>“I’m well made-up, obviously, and I’m sure we’ll make a great team. I'm ready to get started just as soon as they're released from intensive care.”
</p>Des Custard on "TV's Davis slammed for 'blatant disregard' of reality norms"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=161#post-519
Thu, 25 Feb 2010 13:23:04 +0000Des Custard519@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Thanks chaps. I do like the way making a comment drags a piece to the top of the board. Capable of exploitation by the unscrupulous, I would say.
</p>Dickens or Shakespeare on "TV's Davis slammed for 'blatant disregard' of reality norms"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=161#post-492
Thu, 25 Feb 2010 10:39:01 +0000Dickens or Shakespeare492@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Splended writing dear boy.
</p>Mrblacker on "TV's Davis slammed for 'blatant disregard' of reality norms"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=161#post-483
Thu, 25 Feb 2010 09:57:20 +0000Mrblacker483@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>very nice Des
</p>John Square on "TV's Davis slammed for 'blatant disregard' of reality norms"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=161#post-482
Thu, 25 Feb 2010 09:55:44 +0000John Square482@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Excellent.</p>
<p>FP material.
</p>Des Custard on "TV's Davis slammed for 'blatant disregard' of reality norms"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=161#post-456
Thu, 25 Feb 2010 07:30:32 +0000Des Custard456@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>TV presenter and economist Evan Davis has been criticised by viewers and participants after his show 'The Day the Immigrants Left', in which unemployed British workers were given the chance to do jobs normally taken by migrant workers, failed to follow normal reality TV conventions.</p>
<p>Participant Anton Sanders said he was given no opportunity to present his weeping video diary entitled 'My Potato Packing Hell' or to redeem himself with the help of a team of psychologists and personal trainers.</p>
<p>Instead, when he texted in to say he was too ill to work, he was summarily replaced by an overseas worker. "This was my opening gambit, a cry for help to establish my character," he complained from his mum's kitchen. "Instead, I was made to look a bit of a prat. I was well gutted. I never even set out on my journey."</p>
<p>Fellow participant Brandon Wesley suffered similar treatment. "I was disoriented by unfamiliar surroundings and unreasonable demands, " he said, "but I was portrayed as a work-shy no-hoper shambling aimlessly around an asparagus field. They wouldn't even do a close-up of my agonisingly blistered finger."</p>
<p>Davis was also criticised for stopping the experiment after only two days rather than running it for weeks to allow characters to be developed before viewers voted them out. </p>
<p>"We should at least have had the chance to bring our employers to the brink of bankruptcy so they could share our pain," said Anton. "This was my big break. I could have been in the papers, on game shows, even opening supermarkets. But I never even got the chance to work through my pathological aversion to handling potatoes," he said, munching on a chip.
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