Comments on: Frugality and Socializing: Finding Potential Friends Who Are Not Consumerism-Orientedhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/
Financial talk for the rest of usTue, 14 Oct 2014 16:18:02 +0000hourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0By: Anitrahttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-141761
Wed, 26 Dec 2007 15:13:12 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-141761AnKa: My husband and I are DINKs (or “pre-kids”, if you like). I know I don’t understand all the issues my friends with kids have, but I think they forget that WE can’t always be terribly flexible either. There is a couple from our church who lives in the same neighborhood we just moved to. We’d love to spend time with them and get to know them, but they must be home by 7pm (as you said) to put the youngest to bed, and my husband often doesn’t even get home from work until 6:30pm. We’ve given up on it because we’re only free at night and some weekends, and they’re only free during weekdays.

However, we are friends with many other couples in our church who have young school-age children. It seems like parents gain back some flexibility once their children are over 5 years old.

]]>By: AnKahttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-137501
Fri, 21 Dec 2007 16:48:24 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-137501To the original discussion I want to add that I have recently joined a mother’s forum in a neighboring town. I have enjoyed the meetings, in particular with other working mothers, with whom I seem to have a lot more in common. It does cost a membership fee but is totally worth it (even though I took a chance on that).
But really where I have met the most people that live near me and think like me is – on the public commuter rail! It is a small train stop, so all regulars know each other, and some acquaintances as well as some lasting friendships started there.
Most people on this train seem to have similar values in terms of environmental conscience, and to some degree frugality, than me, which I enjoy.

To the DINK/parents discussion I am going to vote on the side of those who say you don’t know it until you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Most parents were DINKS at some point, the reverse is not true. Even if I am willing and able to socialize with non-parents, they don’t always understand our need to eat dinner at 5:30, be home at 7:00 (with our without company), etc. I do have a lot of non-parents friends but I think there is frustration both ways, they’re frustrated by my lack of spontaneity and availability and I am frustrated by their lack of understanding and flexibility in accomodating the needs of my family.

]]>By: Sandyhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-137437
Fri, 21 Dec 2007 14:34:08 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-137437A friend that I had when my husband and I were “pre kids” and I were talking one time about this topic, and I’d forgotten about the conversation until this post. She basically had the same idea, saying how when you are young and single, you tend to hang out with your friends, then you meet your mate, and hope that your friends like him, then you marry, and hope that your old friends still want to hang out, as you can’t do alot of these things you used to do, and then you have a baby, and by that time, if any of those original friends are still around, they are REALLY your friends!
Life is just like that…the only thing that is constant is….change!
]]>By: KarenFLAhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-137064
Fri, 21 Dec 2007 04:06:20 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-137064I have met other parents through school, neighbors and soccer, scouts, work, etc. I also invited over children from the daycare center for a weekend day and got to know the other parents that way. I have become friendly with neighbors of various ages, some of whom are grandparents. We take walks together after work for exercise and trade plants from our gardens. Our neighborhood has a women’s club and some activities are during the day and some are at night so working women can attend. the group has pot luck dinners for couples, a pot luck holiday lunch, a toddler mother’s group that gets together with the kids at the playground, a bridge group, bunko, etc. We usually have a program every month from Sept-May. Sometimes we get a doctor in to talk about health issues, we had someone talk about organizing closets, we have book discussions, and we even had a fashion show/luncheon one Saturday.
I haven’t tried it, but I know Craigslist has different interest groups.
]]>By: 3beanhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-137050
Fri, 21 Dec 2007 03:44:30 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-137050Interesting DINK discussion. I find the term condescending, too. I guess I belong to a DINK couple, although I feel like I understand the kids thing–I’m a nearly 30 year old graduate student and spend much of my ‘free’ time babysitting to help augmnet my paltry stipend. I’ve made about $2000 babysitting in the past year.
]]>By: bkbudshttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136931
Fri, 21 Dec 2007 00:55:08 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136931It’ll take some shopping around. In that, it’s no different than looking for a sound investment. This is an emotional investment, one that could be draining if you pick wrongly.

Start with events that are low-cost or free. Your town probably has a million events for kids. Check their Parks & Rec programs. Find “Mommy & Me” classes through your city or the YMCA–Dads are also welcome and so are babies.

Many communities also have MOMS clubs. They’re usually strictly for Mommies and only from that specific town, but they have many great events and tend to draw smart women who just want to share a cup of coffee and conversation.

All you or your wife needs is one good friend. It’ll spread from there, virally as in all the best networking.

Most importantly, go low key. Don’t overinvolve yourself in the community just yet. What are your babies going to get out of a school board meeting or charity function?

]]>By: Jillianhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136846
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 22:57:16 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136846I have a similar problem to Tara. My husband I stopped going to church partly because of all the subtle (and not-so-subtle) pressure to start having kids. I have one close friend with a six month old son and another with a 10 year old, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to make friends with any other parents.

It’s not just that I don’t like kids, I have more of a problem with the parents who keep saying “wait until you have kids, and then you’ll see what it’s like”. After having told them a dozen times that I don’t plan to have kids just to “see what it’s like” it becomes pretty clear that there’s never going to be a friendship there.

]]>By: Timhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136681
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 18:16:20 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136681yup, the best place to meet people with the same values is to simply do activities that you value.
]]>By: Petuniahttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136667
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 17:43:23 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136667I am enjoying your site so much.
My church, which happens to be Unitarian Universalist, is involved in a Green Sanctuary program and also has a Covenant Group based around the notion of Simplicity Circle, Voluntary Simplicity, all that.
Some churches are good sources of like-minded friendship and support. Any organization that has the environment in mind has anti-consumerism in mind too.
]]>By: rebeccahttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136665
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 17:42:46 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136665yahoo groups and meetup.com are both good places to find groups of like minded people. I’ve made some great friends through our local homeschooling yahoo groups who share similiar values (I’m sure it would work with other topics/hobbies as well.) And I just started going to a crochet/knit group through meetup where I met some nice people — don’t know if it will grow to more than acquaintances since I’ve only gone once.

If you’re interested in finding people with similiar financial views you could search for a local simplicity circle or chapter of The Compact.

]]>By: DivaJeanhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136649
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 17:21:29 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136649That would be a meeting- not an eeting.
]]>By: DivaJeanhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136636
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 17:01:47 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136636If you *really* want to meet folks for blackbelt frugality, set up a eeting at a local library or church.

Our church, a few years back, had a Sunday morning discussion group (when little ones were in Sunday School)- we watched videos like PBS’s series on Affluenza and discussed books like Tightwad Gazette. Good friendships and excellent discourse came of the discussions.

I have heard of library and civic groups formed in a similar manner for those not afilliated with a church. Our libraries have a very open door policy in allowing for groups to use rooms for meetings. You just have to register and work out a time when other established groups are not meeting, then do your own signage, flyers, ads in Pennysaver, Craigslist BB notes, what have you to get the word out. (Putting on my geek hat, a few years back. we started a Trekkie group in this manner).

]]>By: sunshinehttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136635
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 17:01:29 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136635Off topic, but, um, is anyone else wondering what Sandy does for a living? Where do I sign up?
]]>By: krylenkohttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136633
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:59:56 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136633Is it really common parlance now to refer to individuals as DINKs? Because I for one find that pretty condescending — both the term itself and the implication that no one without kids could *possibly* understand the changes kids bring.

I don’t have kids, but you know what? I’ve spent enough time around family and friends who do to understand something of what it’s like. Sure, I don’t have the full picture, but it’s not impossible to understand that I need to plan ahead to see friends with kids, or that I may be asked to babysit at the last minute.

And I agree with the other posters who recommend a varied social circle. Growing up, I always knew people my age, younger folks, older folks, couples married and not, widowers, divorcees, families with one child and families with 7 or more. It’s a lot more interesting (and I dare say healthy) than just focusing on “like-minded” people or those in the same stage of life.

]]>By: 3beanhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136557
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 14:35:10 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136557I’ve met great people through a Supper Club. we get together 1x / month for dinner. The host and theme change each month. Host prepares entree, the others supply the side dishes.
]]>By: sandycheekshttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136538
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 14:07:51 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136538@m
I felt similarly before I had kids. I got the following in an eamil recently and I think a lot(most, all?)of moms can relate. DINK’s may think it’s funny, but they don’t realize the amount of truth in it. So I seek as friends people who are likely to understand the pressures and demands I experience at this stage of my life.
Enjoy!
Dear Santa,
I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son’s red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I’ll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:
I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don’t hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you’re hauling big ticket items this year I’d like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, “Yes, Mommy” to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don’t fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting “Don’t eat in the living room” and “Take your hands off your brother,” because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don’t mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don’t catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MOM…

P.S. One more thing…you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

]]>By: Ryanhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136535
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 14:04:04 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136535Most of the friends that we make are through our church. It helps that we have weekly fellowship meetings in one of our houses as well. We end up doing a lot outside of the church activities together as well.
]]>By: LChttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136520
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 13:49:06 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136520I definitely agree with volunteering with a youth group even if you don’t have kids. We were in a new part of town and had virutally no friends our own age. We started helping out with our church’s youth group and nearly all the other helpers were similar to us (25-30 with no kids), so it was a great way to get to know people.
]]>By: Mario Jaureguihttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136511
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 13:33:36 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136511meetup.com sounds good I haven’t ventured that yet will try today as of Jan 01, 2008 all bars in chicago will be smoke-free yiiippeeee! And I would like to start heading out again knowing mine or my wife’s life is in danger not to mention our clothes will smell nicer when we get home. Also I wish there was a meeting place or forum for thrifty types like myself! MAJ
]]>By: vhhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136502
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 13:17:48 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/19/frugality-and-socializing-finding-potential-friends-who-are-not-consumerism-oriented/#comment-136502Man! I’m going to print out and save all these great ideas. Whenever I get free from my job, I’m going to try some of them.

I’ve tried Meetup.com, but the trouble is, when you have a f/t job and you need to use your weekend for “survival chores” (shopping, errands, yardwork, cleaning, repair work, etc. etc. etc. ad naus.) and you’re too tired to move at night, it’s hard to go to a group consistently. Ditto the church choir–half a day on Sunday equals a quarter of the time you need to keep your head above water, and rehearsing until late on Wednesday evening is kinda iffy when you’re so tired you can’t speak, much less sing.

Interestingly, the older you get, the harder it is to make new friends–especially friends who are closer than just passing acquaintances. I’ve heard other old crones and buzzards say the same thing. I believe that past the age of about 50 or 55, people’s social lives are pretty solidly established. They have their spouses, their adult children & young grandchildren, and a small social circle, and no newcomers are sought. Past a certain age, you can meet people who will vaguely recall your name, but if you come across someone who really wants to be a FRIEND, you’re very lucky.