You could say that I am a normal girl but that is only true in some senses. True, I am not famous or wildly experienced in anything but I am by no means normal. :P
I'm sure you will see this through my posts. I won't be posting regularly but I plan to use my blog as a mixture of a journal and a place to put my poetry. Yes, I write poetry. Most people don't get to see it though so this is why people I know dont really get to see this place. I'm looking forwards to what may happen with this.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Do you ever feel like someone comes into your life and becomes a better friend to your friends and the people you're starting to be friends with than you? And it's not like you can be unhappy about it without feeling incredibly selfish and dumb. I feel so helpless to help the people I care about and yet there they are relying on you, running to say hi to you, hanging out with you. Honestly I'm happy you can help the people I care about. If they need help that I can't provide and you can, why would I want that withheld? It just hurts a bit. Actually more than a bit and I can't figure out why I don't just get over it.
I care too much.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

I had high expectations for our youth-group meeting on Halloween night. I expected a powerful move of the spirit rebelling against the very reason of this holiday and it just didn't seem to happen.

Halloween isn't just kids dressing up in costumes and asking for candy. I personally love candy and jump at every opportunity to dress up. There's something darker behind it that a lot of people either don't realize or chose to ignore.

It has it roots in a Celtic Druid's holiday that celebrated a time supposedly neither in the current year nor the future one. Held in honor of the sun god and the god of death, the practices of this holiday were no pretty sight.

"The Druids believed that sins of the evil dead could be expiated through gifts and sacrifices to Sanheim, who had the power to decree inwhat form their existence would continue, as animals or humans. The sacrifices were grisly.Horses were burned, as they were sacred to the Sun God. Black cats, which were either friendsof witches or transformed into witches themselves, were also thrown into the fire. But forSanheim, Lord of the Dead, humans were sacrificed. Men were imprisoned in wicker and thatchcages built in the shapes of animals or giants, and put into the fire. By observing the waythey died, the Druid priests saw and pronounced omens of the future." -source

Obviously this holiday has a lot of spiritual activity associated with it. Unfortunately it is not spiritual activity in the sense that I (hopefully we) desire, but instead welcomes demonic activity and communicating with evil spirits.

Some people may make the argument that they celebrate All Saints Day which is a holiday that was developed by the Catholic church to celebrate....something. It was said that it was a day to recognize the work the saints in heaven were doing for those still in purgatory and those still on earth. In this way they "christianized" the holiday.
I do not believe that purgatory is Biblical and so this reason does not make everything okay to me. I also believe that we should be relying on God's power. His saints are not the ones we should pray to and we don't rely on them after they are gone but instead we should be focusing on Jesus Christ and His Heavenly Father who is ours as well. No one should be equaled with that power or attributed it.

One article I found says:

"Despite the Church's success in establishing a Christian foundation for the autumn celebrations, many of the ancient customs and traditions associated with them were still practiced by the population. The carving of gourds and the wearing of costumes and masks to scare away malevolent spirits are typical of the superstitions carried over from these celebrations into the All Hallows Eve observance.

The custom of "trick-or-treating" has its origins in a ritual wherein the elders of a village or town would go from house to house and receive offerings of food and gifts for the souls of dead friends and relatives thought to visit on this night. This practice evolved during the Middle Ages, when beggars would travel from village to village and beg for "soul cakes". Villagers would offer prayers along with the cakes to those who had died in the past year for their transition to heaven." -source

Most people have no idea where the traditions that go along with our modern-day Halloween come from and what they are encouraging by participating.
I'm not saying it's wrong to dress up and ask for candy but I would ask you, please understand what this holiday is about and think about it.

Ask God to work though you and use His power to cast out the darkness of this night. It might be after the time of trick-or-treating but I would ask you to consider praying.
Pray for your neighborhood, your friends, safety, the power of God, really anything you feel like, but just pray.

This isn't a panic post. I'm not freaking out. I'm not frightened or scared. I'm frustrated.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

It is only now sinking in that I'm turning 21 tomorrow. Yes, it's my birthday in twenty-nine minutes according to my computer clock. I have had a wonderful couple of days full of food, work, fun, internship, laughter and memories. All of it really has been great but I reached the point earlier today that I just wanted some time alone.
I still don't truly get it and that's okay I guess but I just wanted a bit of time to process and think. Normally people consider twenty-one as the big age that you finally get to drink. For me that really isn't the biggest thing that this day marks for me. A lot of things are changing in my life all at once and it's terrifying and wonderful all at the same time.
Most people go off and live at college almost straight out of high-school. I'm going to be moving out possibly permanently in September. I say possibly permanently because I have no idea what is going to happen by the end of this coming winter internship. I'm nervous. I'll be living with people not only that I have never lived with or spent a lot of time with before but also are already best friends with each other. I'm not saying that it won't turn out wonderful. Hardly. It's just something I think about a bit.
I have high expectations for myself when it comes to supporting myself and there isn't a way for me to achieve them right now. That has and continues to bother me. I don't want to be a load on my parents or anyone else for that matter and my stubbornness in not asking for help can be less than helpful at times.
It probably stems from the feeling of weakness and consequently the need to appear a lot tougher than I feel I am. I often feel quite pathetic yet other people keep telling me that I'm pretty awesome. I still don't quite get it yet. I opened up to my mom finally. She said that the problem may lie in that I compare myself to others quite often. She said the fact that I don't work two jobs and take care of a gaggle of siblings is not something that is normal to compare yourself to. Neither is the fact that I don't work 60 hours a week and hang out with friends. I'm me and evidently that means that working 10-25 hours a week and doing a part time internship is really great despite me not paying for my own car insurance, phone bills, food, utilities or place of residence. Wow...This paragraph has gone on a bit. I guess it's because it's something that has been eating at me for a while and has only become more of a thing in my life recently.
I want to be perfect in my own eyes and that's just not how it works. It's a bummer right?
I could have done a lot worse. Other people around me have despite accomplishing the things I aspire to. They may be paying for all of their own expenses and be "mature" and independent; not a burden to anyone but then they get married young and then divorced or they get pregnant and then where are they at?
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. I'm sure you're thinking something like "gosh why is this chick so serious? It's her twenty-first birthday! Live a little!" I'm being serious because it's serious to me.
In order for things to move forward in my life things have to happen first that include my bit above. I also have to not worry about those things though because it just heaps a whole pile of stress on my shoulders.
Thankfully I have people who continue to encourage me. I'm very very thankful for the people in my life and how God has provided for me.

I've had an amazing birthday so far and it hasn't even begun. I look forward to the rest and all the years after.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Listening to:Take my Heart Away (Jake)Eating: The last thing I ate was theater popcornDrinking: The last thing I drank was a caramel cooler from Caribou Working on: Answering my Apologetics questionTexting: Tortuga

Monday, June 4, 2012

Last night I stayed over at Bob's house. We watched Say Yes to the Dress and Honey 2 before heading out to the camper to sleep. Her camper is right next to her house blocked in by the cars. It turns out that during the night someone came and walked/jumped on their oldest car and smashed it's windshield. The top of the car was also dented quite a bit and there was a distinct trail of footprints on the car itself. That car was about a yard away from where I was sleeping. In a cloth enclosure. Asleep. While someone was doing this.
A tad creepy when you think about it.
Anyway, I hung out with her a little bit more while her mom and sister talked to the police and then went home when she left for work. Mom and I watched My Fair Wedding while we ate lunch. We've loved watching that show ever since we found out about it a year or two ago. I had an apple with almond butter while she had a toast pizza and soup. I suppose I should eat more since I didn't have breakfast either.
She's gone upstairs and I'll go up as well soon I suppose. The cleaning must happen again.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Today has been a kind of off day from the beginning. I'm not saying anything was wrong; not at all. I was just really tired all day and I guess kind of negative without even truly realizing it.
I had stayed over at Sheep's house last night after Toucan's going away party. We stayed up pretty late and felt terrible when we ordered pizza delivery 10 minutes before Domino's closed. We gave a good tip but the guy looked more tired than anything. After the pizza had been consumed, the rest of the people who weren't staying over left and Sheep and I went upstairs to sleep. We ended up talking until we did in fact actually fall asleep. It was a good bit past 2am at that point.
I got up around 9am to drive back home. Dad made us both ground beef and cheese omelets and toast. We watched two Dr. Who episodes while eating to catch me up to where they were. After finishing, Dad and I hopped in the car and drove to the farm where we get our milk and cheese from. I was super sleepy but JungleJam kept me awake with the fun songs sung by talking animals. Oh childhood, wherefore art thou oh childhood. :P Anyway, we got to the farm and purchased the milk and cheese. We went over to visit the bunnies since my parents had seen them last time but I hadn't. There are three there at the farm. A boy bunny who has floppy ears and brown and grey fur. He was the least shy. Beneath him in another cage was a dark grey and white bunny with dark floppy ears. She seemed to appreciate the petting I gave her but still was a little jumpy. She reminded me of my rabbit which made me a little sad. The bunny beneath her was a light brown and white, also with floppy ears. She was the most shy of the three.
We left after telling some of the people there that we took the last of the milk in the fridge. I ate a bit of "Munster with green olives" cheese and then slipped into sleep pretty quickly. We arrived home and I went downstairs to get a massage. (We are very blessed with our own massage bed.) I half stumbled upstairs and climbed into my bed to pass out. Mom woke me up telling me Dad had made food. :) He's pretty awesome. (so is she) I ate a garlic/hamburger toast pizza and then rode my bike for around 25 minutes. I don't know how I managed it but it was uphill and into the wind both ways...funny. I felt gross when I got back so I quick cleaned up and then hurried off to work.
Work was fine for the most part. There were a few things that bothered me that weren't that huge of a deal looking back at them now. All I wanted was to go to bed. Going on break helped a bit. Food always seems to help. I had coffee with break as well. I pushed away my self consciousness enough to text a close friend to ask for a bit of prayer. I'm glad I did.
Work went better after that for the most part. I realized I was shaking though and procured permission to purchase sustenance :P Aka...I bought cheese-curds. I stopped shaking after eating the majority of them. I still got my work done during that time as well.
I got off pretty fast I suppose. There were a lot of people there to take care of things tonight. I came home and have been talking/texting and writing this post as well as looking at various things and listening to spotify. I'm going to sleep now though interwebz. It is much too late for me to be awake. (3:09am)
Should be interesting trying to fundraise all my money for the MS150 tomorrow being half asleep. I can't say I wasn't warned. Dad did encourage/tell me to go to sleep when he did.
I will need coffee...

Okay interwebz, goodnight.
-Melina Rose

P.S. I shall explain the title here when I edit it in later.I'm about to fall asleep now.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Today I'm meeting up with Bree to go to her school with her. Thankfully this will be prefaced by the procuring of coffee. I've never been to her school and I barely ever get any time with her without WnN being there so I'm looking forward to it.
After that I'll come back home and get ready for work. I work 4-c. Should be fun... I have stopped checking the schedule to see who I work with. I figure if it's people that don't work hard then I'll deal with it when I get there instead of giving myself a bad attitude about it ahead of time.
I need to get out of bed and get ready for the day though and then head over to Bree's.

Hebrews 11:1-6Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for. 3 By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.4 By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead. 5 By
faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience
death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.”[a] For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God.6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

We can do good things and sing songs but not be worshiping. We need the intention.

Hebrews 11:7, 87 By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that is in keeping with faith. 8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

Worship is made up of three main things.SacrificePursuitObedience

Anyone can be a worship leader any day of their life. You are whether you want to be or not, so how many times have you led people the wrong way?

Hebrews 11:32-3832 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets,33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection.36 Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were put to death by stoning;[e] they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated—38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.

Does that deter you from worship? We don't worship for us. We do it for Him.

Hebrews 11:39-4039 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, 40 since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

It's not about what God can do for us.Faith will lead to worship, while worship will strengthen our faith.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Hello interwebz,
It's been a bit I suppose since I last posted here. I don't have anything terribly insightful to say but I shall fill you in on my day.
I woke up around ten or so and made my brain wake up via facebook news-feed stalking on my phone. I then made myself presentable to society and went to the chiropractor. I don't know how my chiropractor does it but he always gets me to talk about everything...and by everything I mean school and work and stuff. *shifty eyes* Anyhoo, I really needed to be cracked and put back in order and such (as far as chiropractory things go) so it was very good.
I then went back home and became suddenly very lazy despite the beautiful day outside. I pinned and read shtuff and drank the cheap coffee I had picked up on the way home.
Mom came home and was wiped out but still managed to sit down on the chair in my room and demand that I tell her everything about my day. lol I love her. I hadn't eaten anything so she suggested a tuna sandwich or salad. I checked but we didn't have any... I grabbed an apple and almond butter instead. Grabbing Bob's sweatshirt I had borrowed a few days ago, I quick went over to her house, gave her and her younger sister greetings and cake and then drove to church where evidently the sound had gone out and was in the process of being fixed. After the band practiced, Cheese, Bree and I went out to the truck and grabbed cake.
It was shared and rejected politely and shared some more and then we were called in. The word was on worship and it was good. Maybe I'll put my notes up.
Worship was awesome. Like.....super awesome. I hear it reached 110 decibels. That would explain why I am only now regaining hearing in my left ear. I also temporarily lost my voice. It was awesome.
I then shared asian veggie crackers with Bree, WnN, Caveman, and Garlic Press. Justice, Miguel and his mom also tried said crackers. They are like a cracker form of V8 juice.
Then people went to Old Chicago. I never knew they had decently priced (cheap) food there. It's yummy. I had a great time with the people there despite being very tired. Of course once I get home I'm awake again. It always seems to happen that way. I don't blame the coffee for making me awake at all.
Um yup.

So today was a good day. I said it would be last night and I was right. :)

Monday, April 30, 2012

Hello lovelies,
I just realized how soon school ends. Woo! I also realized just how much I have to get done in that small amount of time! Yikes!

I have a lesson of Japanese homework to do before this Friday. (it takes a while) I also have a few other various worksheets to do by then. My final is next week on Monday and I have to do the studyguide for that!

My Bible class ends in two weeks and I don't even want to think how much I have to get done for that class. Super stressful that one is, especiallly when I really want to make a good impression but am failing miserably at getting my journaling done. I have two entries and we were supposed to have 14 last week.....

Anyway, I leave for class in ten minutes so I'll talk to you later interwebz,
-Melina Rose

Hello bloggers,
So lately I've had quite a few thoughts rolling around in my head. Along with the stress of being sick and getting behind in school and not being able to work two of my work shifts, I've been wondering what I'm going to do with my life. So I talked with my mom this morning kind of expressing my frustrations and such and she directed me back to my beloved task of making lists.
Here is a list of general goals.

Research becoming a Sushi Chef to see if I really want to do it

Classes

Where

How much

When

How long

How much does being a sushi chef pay?

Where would I work?

What kind of hours does a sushi chef work and would I be able to do that?

What would I have to give up to be a sushi chef?

What would I give up to be a sushi chef?

Apply for every stinking coffee shop and restaurant around here to try to get some kind of response

Go to bed at midnight and don't touch my computer midnight and after

Get caught up on schoolwork

Eat three meals a day (preferably healthy)

These probably seem incredibly basic and pathetic that I have some of these on here but, you know what, this is my life. Get over it. I'm sure trying to...
So a general overview of my goals? Pull my life together so I can do something with it, preferably starting before the internship this summer.

Monday, April 9, 2012

This morning I wanted to just get in my truck and keep driving until I wasn't anymore. I felt like I didn't have anything to bring into life. I was discouraged and stressed about my quarter inch thick stack of Japanese homework and the final that I may or may not be taking tonight.
But I wanted to do my duty to the world. I wanted to appear okay. I wanted to keep my mom from crying because I told her she hurt my feelings. I didn't want anything to be my fault, yet I wanted to take care of what I knew was.
So I went to school. I chatted with my friends. I took my Japanese test and got into my truck again. I started driving home but decided to once again stop at the oriental market that I pass everyday that way. I didn't buy my usual banana milk. I didn't even by a coffee drink. I wanted something refreshing, something that would renew any energy I had left. The cool, simple liquid was refreshing and I felt just a tiny bit better.
But I didn't want to go home yet. I knew I needed something to get my head together. My thoughts were entirely too jumbled to accomplish anything quite yet. I found myself in my church parking lot. Maybe I would go for a walk. No, I needed to work on that pile of homework.
"Hey is it okay if I hang out in the sanctuary and just work on homework for a bit?" Our receptionist looked a little confused. "Sure but we leave at four."
I told her not to worry I would make sure to not be there that long and quietly went in. It was almost silent with no distractions. Only the small clinking noises and the sound of quiet movement could be heard from the lady cleaning up from a brunch or something that had taken place earlier.
I got three pages of homework done, consumed two chocolate cake-pops thanks to the lady and organized my entire Japanese folder. My spirits were a little higher.
I began driving home a little after three thirty pm. I still didn't really want to go home but I knew that I still had stuff to do.
But I saw a kid from our youthgroup walking along the side of the road. I knew it was kind of cold out. I knew he wasn't a jerk and I knew he doesn't drive. So I made a quick U-turn and pulled into a side street as he was about to cross. "Do you need a ride?"
"Yeah, that would be great."
So I drove him the opposite way I was going, to his house. He was pretty happy and I managed to keep the conversation going for once. It's not like he had a problem with that either though. He went inside and I headed home.
And it was then that I realized. I felt refreshed. No, it wasn't a magical "Oh, I'm so happy now and I can all these things lalalalala." I just knew somehow that I was stronger and I had been hanging out with my bestie all day long.
So thanks God for hanging out with me. I know you'll never leave me but I kinda feel like I lock myself away from you sometimes without even meaning to.
So, again tomorrow?

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About Me

Hello,
I'm am a 22 year old girl with an associates in graphic design that I doesn't really use. I've gone back to school for some generals and then I hope to get a bachelors in English with an emphasis on writing. I would love to travel to Europe and Asia and someday have a career in writing.