Siri is … NOT the father!

“Your peak fertility date is … January … 12 … 1994. Would you like me to call an animal adoption center?”

Hello, SeriouslyLadies! How are those resolutions coming? You know: losing some pounds, quitting smoking, dressing more like Rizzo to finally land Danny or maybe even — dare we say — having a baby?

If you’re not pregnant, yet, don’t worry. There’s an app for that. (SeriouslyGuys: bringing back 2008’s punchlines for 2013!)

Ovuline isn’t your grandma’s ovulation calendar app. It also asks you deeply personal questions about your mood, weight, calorie intake, blood pressure and cervical mucous. We’re not sure how your phone takes these measurements, but we’re positive that you won’t have to worry about your man spying on your phone while you go take a dump. Er, freshen up.