Because of Emily: Part I

"Angela Marie Randle." As I stood at the side of the
stage, my ears perked up when I heard my name. Quickly, but
gracefully, I walked across the stage to receive my precious
college diploma. My heart felt as if it could burst out of my
chest any second - looking out at the audience, I could tell by
the proud look on my parents' faces that they were experiencing
the same exhilarating feeling.

Then, in just a few seconds, my moment of fame was
over; I was back in my seat, with Mom and Dad a few rows back and
Jason sitting beside them. I flashed a smile at him and his eyes
sparkled in return.

Twenty minutes later, when Katelyn Zimmerman had
finally crossed the stage, we all stood up in preparation for our
final benediction.

"Class of 2008, go out into the world today, bursting
with your knowledge. Have confidence that you can achieve your
dreams," boomed Evan Line, the smartest person I've ever met.
"Now," he continued, "Let us turn our tassels, for we are now
graduates of Morrison University!"

Just then, two thousand blue hats were tossed up into
the air and it seemed as if the entire room broke out into hugs.
After embracing Katie, Gen, and Lindsay - my three closest
girlfriends - I made my way through the crowd to find Jason. As
soon as our eyes locked I ran to him and he swept me up in a huge
hug and a long kiss. Life just couldn't get any better than
this.

"Congratulations, Sweetie!" I whirled around at the
sound of my mother's always chipper voice.

"Thanks! I can't believe I've really done it.
College is officially over." I took a deep breath, then let out
a relieved, content sigh.

"Okay, can we take the picture now?" Mom inquired.
Without waiting for a response, she said, "Here Jason, you take
one of Angie with us."

I got in the middle, squashed happily between my
parents as Jason pressed the button and the blinding flash went
off. Then Mom took the camera back and motioned for Jason and me
to pose together.

"Who's ready to celebrate?" Jason asked eagerly.

"I am, that's for sure," I replied, taking his hand
and happily walking towards the door.

The celebration was really just a reception in the
Adams ballroom next door to the auditorium. We had some food,
sat at a table with my friends, and just talked. After about an
hour, it was time to leave for the airport.

As a sort of graduation present, Mom and Dad had
decided to send me off to France. For the past four years, I'd
dreamed of going to Europe - this was my chance. With Jason
along, I knew it would be amazing.

After a multitude of hugs, kisses and emotional
farewells, Jason and I walked towards the plane; we looked back
to see both our parents clustered together: my mom Claudia and
his mom Grace watching with moist eyes; Harry and Donald smiling,
arms wrapped around their wives.

"You can tell they're going to miss us," I remarked.

"Of course they are - that's what parents do," came
Jason's reply, as he took my hand and put it in his.

We then got our tickets checked, our luggage stored,
and our drinks ordered. Finally, a chance to sit down in a
comfortable seat and relax. I smoothed out my blue ruffled skirt
in front of me. I decided that now would be the perfect time to
read something: an old journal. When I was younger, I used to
write in a journal every day. No idea how I did it, but somehow
I managed to be consistent and overcome my inherent laziness.

My life was pretty crazy when I was in high school, so
I decided to read an entry at the very end of my senior year -
right when my life started falling apart and coming together
simultaneously.

Wedesday, June 1, 2001

U.S. History class was almost over. Everyone else
was doing their homework for next time as I rummaged through my
bookbag, searching for my lipgloss. Aha! Found it! My gorgeous
rose-colored Sonia Kashuk lipgloss. It looked sexy enough in the
tube, but it looked even better on my luscious lips as I stared
happily into my little silver mirror.

"You bitch!" came a whisper from behind me.

Slightly startled, I noticed the flushed face of
Emily Gibson in the corner of
my mirror.

"What was that for?" I turned around in my desk.

"God, that is so typical of you Angela. Just pretend
you don't know what I'm
talking about. As if you were innocent," she scoffed.

"Please, inform me," I replied sarcastically.

"Fine. You told the whole school that I'm pregnant."

"No, I didn't." It was a blatant lie. "Maybe it was
someone else," I suggested.

"Uh, not possible. You were the only one that knew
I--" she paused and lowered
her voice, "slept with Joey Turner."

"All right," I sighed melodramatically. "So what if
I did tell? I thought you
looked pregnant." I shrugged my shoulders. "What are you gonna
do...kill me?"

"Ugh!" Emily cried. "You disgust me, you
self-absorbed slut!" And with that, she got up from her desk and
stormed out of the room.

As soon as she got to the door though, her path was
blocked by the enormous body of Mr. Lambert.

"Just where do you think you're going, young lady?"
he asked, towering above her small frame.

"Umm...the bathroom. I need to, like, regain my
composure."

"Are you all right Ms. Gibson?" The slightest amount
of concern appeared on his nasty pocked face.

"Do I look all right to you?" she screamed,
forcefully pushing him out of her way.

Mr. Lambert stood speechless for a second, in shock.
Seconds later, before he had a chance to say anything, the bell
rang and we swarmed towards the door.

"Oh my god!" my friend Summer said as soon as we got
into the hallway. "What a drama queen."

"Yeah, a touchy drama queen," I added, snickering.
"She's the one who slept with Joey last weekend and she dares to
call me a slut. I just thought the whole school should know that
little Miss Perfect isn't so perfect anymore." I alluringly
touched my hair as I saw my boyfriend John walking towards us.

"Hey Babe," he greeted me with a kiss and smile.
"What's goin' on?"

"Well," I began eagerly, "Emily's reputation is
officially crushed."

"Along with her self-esteem," asserted Summer.

Emily was John's ex-girlfriend who still wasn't over
him; she was freakishly clingy, calling him all the time, saying
she loved him and wanted him back. Personally, I just couldn't
take it anymore. She needed to get her hands off my man. Today
was the day of vengeance. I destroyed her.

"That's one less thing I have to worry about."

"You're welcome sweets," I responded as we parted to
go to our next class. "See you Saturday Summer," I called over
my shoulder.

Yesterday was Tuesday, my last day of high
school...forever - hallelujah! Saturday is graduation. After
that, I'll be home free. I plan on going to beauty school - not
just because I'm amazing at doing hair, but because I don't want
to go to a real college. See, I'm smart - 2200 on my SAT - but
my grades aren't really anything remarkable. But the real reason
is because my parents want me to go to Virginia Tech, some
"prestigious" school a few states away. I, for one, don't care
what my parents want, which is why I'll do anything and
everything to go against them. What can I say? I'm a teenage
rebel.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon, I decided to go
shopping. I went to Target, desperately in need of some new
shoes. What was supposed to be $20 ended up being $200, so I
just charged it to the Visa.

By the time I got home, it was 6:00.

"Where have you been Angela?" My mom grilled me as
soon as I walked in the door. "I've been worried sick."

"Out," I answered flippantly, looking through my pile
of mail on the counter.

"Out," she repeated. "You expect me to be satisfied
with that kind of answer??"

"Fine," I rolled my eyes. "Target."

"And you couldn't have bothered to call me on your
expensive little cellphone that I pay for?" Her voice was rising
and so was the tension. The perfect time to make my exit.

"Sorry," I replied without sincerity, as I grabbed
some pizza off the stove and waltzed away to my room.

As soon as I left, I heard my dad walk in the
kitchen.

"What in the world are we going to do with that
girl?" Mom screamed at him.

"Honey, you need to calm down," he said soothingly.
"She just finished high school today. Can't you give her a
little break?"

Now inside my room, I closed the door behind me,
tuning out their voices with loud AC/DC music. I flopped down on
my bed and began chewing the pizza - I was starving.

After that I called John and we talked for hours.
When I finally rolled over to look at the time the clock said
12:00. A few minutes later I had drifted off into the world of
sleep. It's weird that I was asleep though, because I don't
think I've ever had a dream that felt that real.

I was sitting on a gross green sofa, eagerly watching
Jeopardy - a show I completely detest - and surrounded by at
least twenty cats.

When I looked down at my skinny legs, I discovered
two gigantic sausages instead! My stomach was rounder than a
beach ball and my boobs were sagging down to my waist.

As I looked around, I found the room totally empty.
Then I got up, searching for no one in particular - just someone.
I decided to try calling out names: first Summer, then John. No
answer either time..

Suddenly I noticed something. It was the news.
Jeopardy had just ended - thank the Lord! - and there was a big
headline. "Last night, Emily Gibson, former Miss North Carolina,
has gone on to win Miss U.S.A," said the reporter.

They then showed Emily in full glory, a look of glee
on her face as she was crowned. She was obviously still pretty,
skinny, and annoyingly happy. Judging by her appearance, she had
to be about thirty which made me the same age. So here I was,
stuck in this nasty apartment - ugly, fat and miserable.

I wanted to throw something at the TV, but instead I
just screamed.

"Aaaah!" I was letting out my anger and jealousy when
suddenly...my eyes fluttered open.

I sat up in bed, sweat dripping from my face. I took
a deep breath, trying to assure myself that everything was OK.

I couldn't help but shiver. Me ,fat. Me, alone,
with no friends to love me. Worst of all, me, ugly. Without
friends and a boyfriend, I was nothing. But without my
beautiful, glamorous body, I was no one.

Thoroughly freaked, I attempted to go back to sleep.
But it was difficult. I wasn't too sure what to make of this
dream. Sure, it scared me. But was there really anything I
could do make sure I never turned into an ugly cat lady? Nothing
I could think of. So I just rolled over onto my nice, soft silky
pillow and tried again to go to sleep.

~

I wasn't sure if I could turn the page. The dream had
been scary enough; it should have been a big warning sign. But
it wasn't. Back then I was dumb and didn't take advice. Until
the day everything changed.