Et Cetera and So Forth in a Life With Chronic Pain

A few days ago, my six-year-old granddaughter said to me, “Nana, you want to hear something?” I said, “Sure,” because she was giggling which made me think it was going to be extra good. She said, beginning the sing-song dirge of the ABC song, “A B C D E F G, H I J K et cetera.” Then she laughed the laugh of a six-year-old. I chuckled of course, because it was so unexpected, asked her where she heard that word, and she said her Mom had told her what et cetera meant. In an attempt to be the adult I warned her it was best not to use that phrase when she was asked to say the ABCs in kindergarten.

I realize, except for the King of Siam in the old musical “The King and I,” one hardly hears that phrase any longer. If a child can figure out so quickly it’s a good way to get out of recitation, then we have to sharpen up our skills. Do you remember the last time you went to a new doctor and you had six pages of your medical history to fill out, not even including the sheet for your medications? Of the last three doctors I have seen and been seen by, one couldn’t find my chart and winged it and the last two orthopedists didn’t bother to look at them. Why do we waste our time and effort? I’ve decided for the next new doctor I see, I will simply write, “I’ve been in pain for 25 years, et cetera; if interested further, talk to the bearer of this paper.”

I think the phrase would come in handy when I don’t feel like cooking dinner for the fourth night in a week, such as, “Same old, same old, et cetera; lunch meat in refrigerator, bread out on counter.” Then I’ll go to bed. Don’t you become exhausted with the effort to be the person you once were? I confess, I still try and often feel the pull of love, duty, and an ordinary life. But there are some days when the same old et cetera puts its gnarly hand on my shoulder, and I become tired of even speaking the words it would take to explain.

Many years ago, in my past life, sickness was something you caught, obtained treatment for, received “Get Well” cards for, and then got over. This life of living with chronic pain year after year has so many “so forths” in it they grow quite tedious. I even become bored with me.

Maybe flash cards would be a good idea. They could be an interesting variety of words and phrases for us to hold up or post in the front window like businesses do to alert the UPS carriers if they have a package to pick up. We could put them on strings and wear them around our necks when we leave the house. Just think of all the things we could say to our family, friends and physicians, let’s see…

ENTER AT YOUR OWN PERIL — AND MINE.

ROUGH WATERS AHEAD. YOU FIGURE OUT WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM.

COLD CUTS FOR DINNER TONIGHT OR GO GET TAKE OUT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT PAIN DAY AFTER DAY FEELS LIKE? NO? LET ME SHOW YOU.

DON’T TELL ME YOU DON’T HAVE ANY CLEAN CLOTHES; THAT SHIRT LOOKS FINE TO ME.

I’ll let all of you figure out who would be on the receiving end of these flash cards. It would be so much easier than speaking or yelling or getting hysterical and not quite as rude as that “Speak to the hand” business. It would be more like “Speak to the finger.” Did I say middle finger? Shame on you for thinking that. I could have meant thumbs up for “good job.”

Well, I’m already feeling a little bit better. I know we can’t be without the “et ceteras” altogether because some people don’t listen, or they feel they’ve heard about our health so much they know it by heart. No. We’re the ones who know it in our hearts, minds, and bodies. When we’re faced with the same old pain in several places at the same time, we often do not have the physical strength to explain; we’re too busy writhing, crying, or planning our next move.

I must confess, having so many problems at once becomes tedious, even to me. If only life would come at us with only one problem in hand, but oh no, that’s not how it works. Skin trouble, joint pain, muscle spasms, acute fatigue, and weight up and down — need I go on and so forth? For me it’s a case of having multiple rheumatoid problems all at the same time, and I know that for many others, their problems cause other problems which beget other problems, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sue Falkner-Wood

Sue Falkner-Wood is a retired registered nurse living in Astoria, Ore., with her husband, who is also an R.N. Sue left nursing in 1990 due to chronic pain and other symptoms related to what was eventually...read more