Deptford man has dream explored 'inception-style'

Inspired by the mind-bending Hollywood blockbuster – Inception - scientists have bravely infiltrated the layered subconscious of Dave Blanch, a forklift operative from Deptford, only to find a flock of giant seagulls and a jam sandwich.

The Hollywood-inspired experiment, spearheaded by the Association Responsible for Scientific Experiments, (ARSE), was an attempt to further understand the inner workings of the average mind.

“Trapped”

But what started as an exciting exploration into the human psyche quickly turned in to a fight for survival.

Professor Michael Watts, Head of Research at ARSE, said, ‘we programmed the device to return us back after five minutes. But once we arrived on the third layer of Dave’s dream, we remembered that every minute in the conscious world was one year in the subconscious world. We accidentally endured half a decade in Dave’s head’.

When asked what was discovered and how they survived, Jenny Perch, Team Leader, said, ‘Layer three was an empty space the size of Hampshire. There were jam sandwiches everywhere and a flock of man-sized seagulls circling above. That’s it’.

‘We were trapped. We had jam sarnies for sustenance but that was what attracted the giant seagulls. It was hellish', she added.

‘I’m disappointed’, said Jacob Anderson, a Dream Interpreter who joined the mission. ‘All we learnt was that Dave adores jam sandwiches and has an irrational fear of seagulls'.

‘I could have told them that before they started’, said Dave Blanch, the subject of the experiment.