Wednesday, April 28, 2010

"Some words are just too loaded to be useful any more," laments Justine the Revenant."Case in point: 'Liberal' and 'conservative'." Continuing her politically-minded rant, pertaining mostly to the United States: "There are way too many nuanced definitions, historical implications, and divisive opinions to consider."

"If you want limited action from city hall and like the culture of your neighborhood, what does that make you?" I'd say some sort of local conservative or libertarian.

"At the same time, if you like the social programs and policies of your state government, what does that make you?" I'd say either a state liberal and/or a states' rights conservative. Or you might be something else along the political spectrum, depending on the programs and policies. Wow, this is getting a little tricky.

"To add, if you like to have a moderately-powerful federal government, one that acts sparingly to help the country as a whole or to stop a state from being douchy - like segregation douchy - what does that make you?" I'd say some sort of moderate, perhaps?

"I'm pretty sure that makes you someone who thinks too hard about these things," sarcastically answers the Silver Werewolf.

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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

"I'm told that that the letter 'y' is officially a vowel when it acts like a vowel," says the Vampire Lady. "I had previously thought that 'y' was always a consonant that pretended to be a vowel when needed."
"Yes, my lady," says the middle-management reptilian humanoid (wearing a purple bathrobe). "'W' is also a vowel sometimes."

"That is total B.S.!" she outbursts. "In Wheel of Fortune, you spin to guess if there's a 'y' - they never let you buy a 'y'! Hence, 'y' is a consonant." To conclude her rant, she says, "I trust Pat Sajak and Vanna White in these matters." Remembering what the reptile also said, she asks, "Wait, 'w'?"

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Friday, April 23, 2010

"When I'm buying booze, if you need to card me, card me. Don't ask for my age," advises the Ex-Vampire Lord, who also happens to be the only Human-Human (who used to be a vampire) on Earth. "I don't remember my age."

The zombies around him say nothing.

"I have to do 2nd grade subtraction to figure out my age," the man (wearing sunglasses at night) continues. "I am no longer good at math, and my cell phone's calculator is too hard to use."

"So...how old are you?" asks the Vampire Lady, in bat demon form, descending from the night sky.

Pulling out his wallet, the rather slick Ex-Vampire Lord answers, "Look at my driver's license. I'm on the big boy side of the card."

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Thursday, April 22, 2010

"All these social networking my-sites, me-sites, you-sites, and i-gadgets amount to one thing: They want us to become a collectivist hive mind," hypothesizes the Vampire Lady. (I don't know who 'they' are.) "Ironically, they use 'individuality' to market their scheme."

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"War should be waged by robots," says a semi-pacifist Silver Werewolf. "But they should be maintained by people."

Neither Pastor Reptilian nor Justine the Revenant say anything.

"These mechanics not only need to be experts at robot maintenance," he muses, "they need to have complete combat training, too." His reasoning: "'Cause someone needs to stop the robot warriors when they go bad."

The Ex-Vampire Lord stalks the trio. No one responds to the werewolf.

"Trust me; they will go bad," warns the wolf.

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Thursday, April 15, 2010

"I am not a fan of the ambiguous MacGuffin plot device," complains an unclothed Vampire Lady to an audience of reptilian humanoids. "Tell us what's in the box, bag, or briefcase already!" she screams, transforming into a furry demon. As her bat demon vampire female minions devour the reptilians, she proposes a caveat: "Just make sure it's not stupid."

"Word," says the blonde bat demon.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

"Last night's episode of Lost was awesome!" exclaims the Silver Werewolf to his reptilian and revenant companions. (I think we're establishing that Justine is no longer the last human-human on Earth, but is now some sort of revenant, like The Crow. The Vampire Lord who sucked all her blood is now the last human-human on Earth. He's now the Ex-Vampire Lord, but secretive of his condition.)

"Spoilers ahead!" warns the wolf. "Ilana blows up. But I was eating chips and bean dip at the time, so I wasn't shocked. Smokey 'Locke' throws Island Desmond down a well. The bean dip was layered with guacamole. Sideways Desmond runs over Teacher Locke. Oh, it also had sour cream. Hurley finally gets some Libby lovin'," he summarizes.

"Implied Libby lovin'," he clarifies, since they didn't get gratuitous during the episode. "With shredded cheese," going back to the multi-layered bean dip. (If you don't watch the show, this rant is half-meaningless. If you don't eat multi-layered bean dip, this rant is totally meaningless.)

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Thursday, April 8, 2010

It's generally not good news when the Vampire Lady loses her clothes. It's even worse news when she grows some fur clothes (and horns and - not seen - hooves)...at least for the cabal of reptilian humanoids. We'll have to ask if reptilian humanoid tastes like chicken.

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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Justine (the Revenant?) apparently explains why she did what she did (shoot the Silver Werewolf and let the Vampire Lord suck her blood) in a flashback. For some reason, the now Ex-Vampire Lord is stalking our trio of heroes.

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