Monday, November 30, 2015

Challenge: Write a victory speech.
Let the exposition of that speech come out slowly bit by bit so that at the end
we realize that it's a very different kind of speech than the one that we
thought it was going to be when it started.

Bonus- What's happening around this
person talking?

Bonus- Is this a person talking?

Bonus- Make it covertly
autobiographical

HAIL AND FAREWELL

CHIPPY

I’d like to thank you all for being
here.

The turnout is very flattering.

It’s good to know that Zippy and I
touched so many lives in such a short time.

It’s also good to know that we’ll
never be far from you, quite literally, here in the backyard.

You’ll think of us as you play, and
picnic, build snowmen, rake leaves, and even mow the lawn.

Each season of the grass will bring
new and different memories of us to your mind.

The wood chips in the box are a nice
touch, by the way.A scent of home to
guide us on our journey to what’s next.

I think our proudest moment was when
we drove poor Grandma out of the house that one day.Our escape meant we could be anywhere.And she wouldn’t set foot in the place until
we were safely back in our cage.She
waited in the car for a good hour until you found us.

Everyone tried to reassure the old
gal that gerbils aren’t the same as mice, but to her, rodents were rodents, and
vermin were vermin.

She never warmed up to us.

But now she’s got the house to
herself at last.

Perhaps not.

Perhaps you will replace us.

We were your first pets, not your
last.

Maybe another gerbil will one day
soon roll around inside our plastic ball.Much to Grandma’s chagrin.

Of course, she had no way of knowing
we were hiding that day in her precious piano.

And you didn’t have the heart to
tell her.

We lived a good full life, Zippy and
I.

It’s fitting we should pass on
within hours of one another, and that I, Chippy, should join Zippy in the same
shoebox, which now you bury at the foot of the dogwood tree – the one bit of
outside we could see from our perch by the window.

Thank you again for holding such a
solemn ceremony for us.

It’s good to know we mattered.

And that you aren’t just throwing
our corpses out with the garbage.

Of course now there are some things
we will never know, like why none of your names rhymed like ours.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Somewhere I heard that there are
only three ways to make waves in art.Extremes in sex, violence, or revolution.

CHALLENGE- write incredible
violence. If you're the squishy type, it doesn't have to be to a human... but
it does have to be for a reason

Bonus- No torture. Torture scenes
are static and boring and promote an immoral falsehood that torture is an
effective means toward obtaining truth from an unwilling subject.

Bonus- Add in some sex and
revolution as well.

Fact- If you don't make yourself
blush or think about deleting something that you've written during this
challenge, you're doing it wrong.

RAPE AS REVENGE (fair warning)

BEN is
beaten up, but conscious.

BEN is
secured to a chair by either rope, chains, or duct tape (or some combination
thereof).

BEN has
no pants or underwear on.

GEORGE has
Ben’s dried blood on his gloved fists.

GEORGE
also doesn’t have any pants or underwear on.

BEN has
duct tape over his mouth.

BEN has
tried screaming for help.

GEORGE
just waits him out.

BEN eventually
exhausts himself.

GEORGE

How many times do I have to tell you
that there’s no one around for miles before you believe me and stop wasting
your breath?

BEN

(semi-audible through tape)

Let!Me!Go!

GEORGE

I’ll let you go.When I’m done.

BEN

(semi-audible through tape)

Now!

GEORGE
punches BEN.Repeatedly.

BEN

(semi-audible through tape)

Sonofabitch!

GEORGE

You are in no position to
dictate terms.

BEN

(semi-audible through tape)

I’m gonna kill you!

GEORGE

You’re gonna kill me?

Really?

Like you tried to kill my
brother?

BEN

(semi-audible through tape)

Faggot!

GEORGE

So original.

You had it right the first
time.

You gay-bashed my brother,
who actually is gay.

Me?

I’m just trying to make a
point.

GEORGE
gets down on his knees between BEN’s legs.

BEN

(semi-audible through tape)

No!

GEORGE

Relax.Enjoy it.You’re not getting out of here til we’re done.

GEORGE
gives BEN a blow job, getting Ben good and hard.

BEN tries
to resist.

BEN tries
not to look.

GEORGE
hits BEN to force him to look.

GEORGE (cont’d)

You’re going to watch this.

You’re going to feel this.

BEN
continues resisting, but a blow job’s a blow job.

And
GEORGE is good at this.

GEORGE (cont’d)

Now comes the fun part.

GEORGE
gets out a condom and some lube.

BEN

(semi-audible through tape)

What the fuck?!

GEORGE
puts the condom and lube on BEN’s cock.

GEORGE
puts some lube on his own ass.

GEORGE
mounts the chair, and then sits down on BEN’s cock.

BEN is
screaming incoherently at this point.

GEORGE
keeps riding Ben’s cock while he speaks.

GEORGE is
also good at this.

GEORGE is
stroking himself off to the rhythm of the rise and fall as he rides Ben.

GEORGE

I’m getting pretty good at
this.

When I found the first one
of your gang of gay-bashing punks, it took a while to figure out how to do this
in the most efficient and humiliating way possible.

Fucking each of you up the
ass seemed like letting you off too easily.

I mean, that’s something gay
being done to you.

But if you’re actually participating,
against your will, in some full-on buttfucking, well, that’s harder to wipe out
of your mind, isn’t it?

If gay sex is this horrible,
disgusting thing, something you absolutely had to make sure my little brother
never had a chance to participate in again, not without consequence, it seems
only right you should be forced to do it.

I’ll take some pictures when
we get to the high points.

Oh, look, we’re reaching one
of them now.

GEORGE
cums all over the front of Ben’s shirt.

Bonus
points if he splashes some sperm up in Ben’s face.

GEORGE
takes a selfie with his phone.

GEORGE (cont’d)

Smile for the camera!

GEORGE
keeps riding Ben’s cock.

BEN keeps
screaming.

GEORGE (cont’d)

I print these out, and I
keep copies locked in my brother’s bedside table.

At the hospital.

They say if you talk to a
person in a coma, they can hear you.

So I tell him the stories of
all you gutless freaks and the way you writhed and struggled under me.But none of you can avoid cumming.

Your sad little underworked
penises always betray you.

So long since they’ve had
any real release.

Now that I’ve had the last
of you, maybe that’ll be enough.

Maybe that story will bring
him back.

Yeah, that’s it.Let it go.Let it loose.

It’s so tight and warm.You can’t help yourself.

Do it!

BEN has
tried not to have an orgasm.

But
GEORGE’s body is insistent.

BEN cums,
in defeat.

GEORGE (cont’d)

Wonderful.

Thank you.

GEORGE
removes the condom from Ben’s cock, puts it in trash bag he’ll take with him
when he leaves.

GEORGE
puts antiseptic on a rag and wipes down Ben’s bruised and bloody face.

BEN
screams some more as George does so.It
stings, and George isn’t gentle.

GEORGE
removes Ben’s shirt.

GEORGE
stuffs the shirt and the rag into his trash bag as well.

GEORGE
takes another photo, this time of naked Ben.

GEORGE (cont’d)

One more for me.

GEORGE
does some work on the phone.

GEORGE (cont’d)

And also one for the cops.

They’re used to this by now.

They know what it’s about.

I sent the address.

I’ll have to download the
photos and ditch the phone, of course.

Taking most of the DNA with
me.

Honestly, though, they’re
not looking for me.

They’re happy to lock you
sick fucks up where you belong.

They’ll come visit me and my
brother in the hospital, tell us they caught the last one.

Maybe that’s what’ll bring
him out of it.

My brother can walk the
streets again now that you’re all behind bars where you belong.

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Challenge:
Write
a scene that is written by a dog. It's all about dog world views and
things that are important to dogs.
MAKE IT GOOD
MAKE IT A GOOD BOY
YES IT IS
YES IT IS
IT'S A GOOD, GOOD BOY

Bonus- all dog movies have the dog die at the end. I think your should too
Bonus- don't kill your dog at the end!
Bonus- make it a clear allegory for human problems
Bonus- have a character named God

(Author’s
note: Also all about the dogs, normally.This scene today didn’t go there.But I’m pocketing this challenge for later - )

TV
BOYFRIEND

Morning.

KEN, at a loss, trying and failing to find all the
components to try and make a pot of coffee.

JAKE wanders in, still a little foggy, surprised to
see KEN in the kitchen before him.

JAKE

Here
you are.

KEN

I
was trying to make coffee.

I
don’t make coffee.

I
don’t drink coffee.

But
you drink coffee.

So
I was trying to make coffee.

JAKE

Yeah,
you clearly don’t need coffee.

What’s
got you so keyed up, buddy?

KEN

I’m
sorry.I’m useless.Why am I so useless?

JAKE

Hey,
hey, none of that.

KEN

Who
doesn’t know how to make coffee?

JAKE

People
who don’t drink it.

People
who have early rising boyfriends who make it for themselves.

People
who are normally in bed at this hour so their early rising boyfriends have
someone to kiss and manhandle before they roll out of bed and go make coffee.

I
missed you.

KEN

See?What was I thinking?

JAKE

Put
down the coffee pot.Step away from the
filter.

KEN

I
don’t even have a coffee-maker at home.At my age.What kind of strange
mutant undercaffeinated freak am I?

JAKE

OK.One, you’re my freak.Two, the lack of a coffee-maker is easily
solved.At some point in the next week,
the two of us will go together to a store, and find you a coffee-maker.

KEN is about to protest.

JAKE cuts him off.

JAKE (cont’d)

Don’t
worry.You’re paying for it.I’m just going along so you know the right
one to get.Because you’re right, if I’m
gonna start spending nights at your place – and now that we’re out in the open,
I can totally spend nights at your place – you are definitely going to need a
coffee-maker.Three, what’s up?

KEN

I
don’t think I’m ready.

JAKE

For
- ?

KEN

To
be the TV boyfriend.

JAKE

The
what?

KEN

In
the interview, you said –

JAKE

What
interview?

KEN

What
interview?THE interview.

JAKE

The
coming out story.

KEN

Yeah.You were talking about how great it was going
to be at the next competition to finally be yourself.You were blue-skying and saying that maybe
some people would be there with rainbow flags – and trust me, Jasper has that
covered.He’s been quizzing me about
local gay-owned businesses where he can buy flags and recruit people to come
out and cheer you on, and –

JAKE

TV
boyfriend.

KEN

TV
boyfriend.You were talking about how
the network’s always doing the personality video packages right before guys do
their stunt runs of the day.Then
there’s the little live interview moments.And then the camera inevitably picks up the friends and family of the
skier, and most of the time they’ve got some hot girlfriend waiting for them at
the bottom of the slope, and the camera lingers lovingly on them for a few
seconds as if to say “What a lucky guy, huh?He braves danger and this is part of his reward.”

JAKE

I
said all that?

KEN

I’m
embellishing.But something you did
directly say was that, you know, guys’ TV girlfriends are a regular part of the
coverage and one of these days, someday soon, you really wanted a TV boyfriend.

JAKE

And
- ?Now I have one.

KEN

How
did I not track on the fact that if I supported you in coming out, that our
relationship was going to get dragged out into the spotlight with you?

Everything
I write, I write for other people to perform, to direct, to design, to
market.The face is never mine.

JAKE

I
like your face.

KEN

I
just don’t want it to be the face of some sad stereotype.

JAKE

The
older guy with the younger partner, how is that sad?

KEN

Someone’s
deluding themselves.

JAKE

And
by someone, you mean you.

KEN doesn’t respond.

JAKE (cont’d)

OK,
for starters, you can’t latch on to everything I’m quoted as saying in an
interview and assuming it’s the most important thing on my list of
priorities.Half the time, they don’t
even get the quote right.

KEN

Did
they get this one right?

JAKE

Yes,
but the point still stands.Interviews
go in all kinds of directions, depending on the person asking the questions and
the kind of story they want to tell.If
I want or need something from you, I’m going to ask you, directly.I will not assume you know.I will not assume you’re reading my clippings
and making a scrapbook for me.I will
ask you, probably just like I did when my sister was coming to visit.So, you’ll know when I’m asking, and you’ll
enjoy the warmup act.OK?

KEN

OK.

JAKE

And,
as unhelpful as it might be right at this moment, can I just take a sec and
bask in the glow of a conversation where *you’re* the one who’s feeling
insecure about stuff for a change?

KEN

Yes.

JAKE

‘Cause
this isn’t who you are, but it’s also not what I want to turn you into, so how
do I help?

KEN

This
is helping.

JAKE

You’re
going to be a great TV boyfriend.You
know why?

KEN

Why?

JAKE

Because
you make me look good, and I make you look good.

KEN

So
the camera cuts to me and -- ?

JAKE

And
you are looking, not nervously directly into the camera, because you’re never
gonna know which camera it is anyway.You’re gonna be looking up at the top of the hill, where I am.

KEN

Terrified.

JAKE

Only
on the inside.You know why?

KEN

Why?

JAKE

Because
you know how hard I’ve worked for this.

You
know how ready I am for this run.

And
you know how much I want to get to the bottom of the hill and find you there
waiting for me.

KEN

Rather
than the paramedics.

JAKE

Rather
than the paramedics.

KEN

So
I’m smiling.

JAKE

Because
you know I’m smiling.

KEN

And
I’m so proud of you.

JAKE

And
that is why you’re gonna be the perfect TV boyfriend.

KEN

Then
the internet searches begin.

JAKE

And
what are they gonna find?They’re going
to see all the stuff you write and they’re gonna understand how lucky I am, and
where I found the courage to finally be myself, fully, for the first time in my
life.

KEN

You
give me too much credit.I’m just the
last step in a journey you’ve been taking your whole life.

JAKE

A
step I couldn’t have taken if I didn’t see you waiting for me at the end of it.

KEN

The
celebrity press it gonna chew us up and spit us out.

JAKE

Defensive
measures.It’s all about defensive
measures.

KEN

There’s
a list, isn’t there?

JAKE

Personal
facebook page, private, friends and family only.Professional facebook page is gonna be more
open season.Twitter, Instagram,
Snapchat –

KEN

Don’t
have Snapchat.

JAKE

Excellent.Don’t start.Sometimes I feel like I’m a hostage.

KEN

My
Instagram is currently a complete blank.I just set one up so I could follow yours.

JAKE

Really?Before you met me?

KEN

How
do you think I know what you looked like?

JAKE

Sports
page?

KEN

I’m
kind of addicted to your smile.And your
torso.

JAKE

That’s
kind of adorable.

KEN

I
can’t think of anything embarrassing on my Twitter feed.

JAKE

Even
if there was, trying to scrub it probably wouldn’t do any good.There’s too many sites capturing that stuff
for it to totally disappear.Mostly,
don’t read the press.

KEN

Like
theater people not reading reviews?

JAKE

You
one of them?

KEN

Can’t
resist the temptation.

JAKE

Resist
this.Especially the celebrity rags and
the tabloids.They’ll report that I’m
cheating on you with women, with men, with dogs.They’ll report that you’re cheating on
me.That I or you have AIDS, or any
number of other fun sexually transmitted diseases.Any picture where we look like crap, we’re
suddenly deathly ill or hooked on drugs.Look fat from any angle, they’ll blow that photo up til you look
completely grotesque.

KEN

Wow.I have so much to look forward to.

JAKE

You
know the red flags.If you want to skip
it, I always sift and find the good stuff.If there’s good coverage, you won’t be able to keep me from putting it
under your nose.And I’m done with
secrets, I’m done with lies.If the news
is bad, I trust you with that, too.

KEN

I
just don’t want to make your life more difficult.Not now, when you’re finally free.

JAKE

I’m
free because of you.My life is better because
of you.You’re gonna be a great TV
boyfriend.

About Me

Playwright, arts writer for Twin Cities Daily Planet and MNArtists.org, blogger mostly about the Minnesota Fringe Festival - www.matthewaeverett.com is my writing website and general web home - still, at the moment, just like the blog title of old says, single