Is Twilight a Chick Flick?

Posted by themoonisdown on November 7th, 2009

Dearr LTT-ers, Frequently we open the mail bag to bring you letters from our readers. Today’s letter is from K who argues that Twilight is a chick flick and should NOT be watched by watched or the books read by guys. Read her letter and tell us what you think. XO-Moon

For ladies only?

Dear UC and Moon,

Due to a recent development in my love life (thank goodness, right? I was getting a little bored with a lack of one) I think I’ve come to a realization, and that is this: I don’t want to date a unicorn. 😮 *gasp!* I know, right?!

We adore our beloved unicorns. We encourage them. We create them (to the best of our abilities). So why on earth wouldn’t I want my new interest to become one?

Lets face it: Twilight is a chick flick. Movie and books both. There’s absolutely no arguing against that. I don’t care how many wired stunts, mirror crashing action, and buttcrack santa jokes you throw in there; it’s still one of the biggest chick flicks ever. I’ve heard so many people try and argue this point and fight against, but truth is truth. So without further adieu, I give you my stance.

You know it’s a chick flick when:

it’s a love story

the fan base is undeniably, predominantly female and has a “tween” rep

you here shrieks of glee when the title flashes across the screen

the lead male is frequently referred to as “beautiful” on and off screen

it inspires products like lip gloss and shimmer powder

the lead male sparkles

the lead female is fully clothed for over 95% of the movie.

there’s a prom scene and no one dies (so closebella)

the subjects discussed between characters include dresses, boobs, characters’ relationship status’, and the swim team’s peens.

the dialogue includes words and terms like “irrevocably”, “matriculate”, “masochistic”, “Debussy”, and “spidermonkey”.

there’s more silent, awkward turtle, moments then there is action

the only weapons are mind powers which do not translate visually.

fans constantly fight over who’s the dreamiest

it takes place in a forest setting and there’s no sign of elves, dwarves, or an extra-terrestrial fought by a commando who states “If it bleeds, you can kill it.”

And lets face it, as far as chick flicks go, this one is unconditionally and irrevocably one of the chick-iest of them all. Which brings me back to why I would never date a unicorn. Girls always talk about how they want a sensitive guy, who’s not afraid to show his emotions, or cry. Fine, good, be sweet and adorable and cry when your puppy gets hit by a car, but for the love of all that is good and right in this world, do not run out of the room in horror when a spider is spotted and do NOT like Twilight.

Dear all future boyfriends….

Follow the cut to see what boyfriends should NOT do!

Do NOT, of your own free will:

offer to watch, read, or talk about Twilight and mean it

buy tickets ahead of time to see the new movie

steal my Twilight books to read

discuss Twilight in any other manner than brazen mockery

let curiosity get the best of you

EVER consider what you would look like with a Twilight murse.

DO:

let me “girl-out” with my girls every once in a while and utilize that time to do something manly like watch football, build something, or hunt wild boar.

I promise to never ask, chide, or coerce you to share twilight with me in any capacity so long as you kill my spiders, change my flat tire (must remove shirt), and pretend not to notice how much time I spend watching the same vampire movie over and over, looking at pictures of the same guy with the sexy arms and “do-me” dimpled grin, and reading/responding to a blog about said vampire story. Deal?

With love,

~KSo ladies (and our Unicorns) what do you think? Do you agree? And what do you think about the “don’ts” for future boyfriends? I’m not sure I agree with that as I’d love for my boytoy to understand what I do all day but I defs agree with the Twilight murse. Men, never wear a Twilight murse! We beg of you!

Sorry am total moron but what is a unicorn? other than the literal menaing of course

kitkat

Ish, for LTT purposes a unicorn is a guy who openly enjoys the Twilight series. They are called this because it is difficult to find them, and we cannot be sure they truly exist. If I was cool and interwebs savvy, I would like the original LTT post about unicorns. But I’m not, so this will have to do.

kitkat

oops. Should have read down. Now I feel redundant.

julesvern

OK, so I agree with not wanting a boyfriend who would read Twilight because boyfriends are still trying to impress you. However, once you have been married for countless years, the macho boy crap gets old and isn’t nearly as sexy. Under the car changing a tire with no shirt at 25 is a lot hotter than under the car with no shirt at 40 with 3 kids sitting around whining, the carseats piled on the side of the road so you can find the jack, and the car tire tilted at just the wrong angle so you can’t get the blasted thing off. Trust me on this one.

As for my husband, I offered him a reward to read Twilight. He enjoyed the reward so much that he is voluntarily flying through New Moon now. Why do I care so much that he reads them? Well….

(1) He should at least have a working appreciation of anything that I’m really into. I try to watch his stupid sports with him occasionally, so he can humor me. Plus, he is the one who will have to bail me out when I’m caught stealing the giant Rob cutout from the local Blockbuster. He needs to know what the fuss is about.

(2) He asks me repeatedly by I’m so enthralled with Edward. I keep telling him that it is b/c Edward is so protective. I mean, he freakin’ chewed out the baby with his teeth. My hubby went out to lunch with coworkers when I was 8 cm dilated and I had to page him when it was time to push. It gives him some imaginary competition to live up to, and he is nothing if not competitive.

(3) He has connections. He hangs out with the manager of our local theater, so he must understand his responsibility for obtaining any tickets I require in advance.

(4) I’m hoping the movie will promote hair envy. Hubby likes his hair super short and it drives me nuts (as if they aren’t falling out fast enough without him cutting them). Maybe he’ll try to keep a few on his head.

(5) If he has 5 hours a week to devote to fantasy (aka pretend) football, he can devote a little time to my fantasy as well. Yes, Edward is pretend. So is that crappy team you spent 23 hours drafting.

Ish

def a chic flick. forced husband to watch it only to put up with his snide comments and sighing until he finally fell asleep and missed the action scene. Mind you he finds anything boring which doesn’t involve 20 odd men chasing a round ball for an hour and half! xx hope cramps better.

fangbanger06

Spot on!

Not sure about the whole never “let curiosity get the best of you” thing though. I get pissed when he doesn’t listen to me so I need for him to admit he likes it and then he should mock the shit out of it. But if I’m in a bad mood or sick, my love will always bring me a Dr. Pepper and turn on my fave movies regardless of the level of girlishness.

You CAN have sensitive and manly, darlings. 😉

absolutelyvlc

lsh, a Unicorn is what we call those rare, mythical beasts that are rarely seen in public: a grown man that’s interested in any way, shape or form in the Twilight Saga (reads the books, watches the movies, has a Pocket Edward Action Figure – although that last criteria might just be some other type of mythical man-beast altogether) 😉

Ish

in otherwords gay?

absolutelyvlc

Well, the guys that carry the action figure in their pockets might be….but Unicorns generally aren’t….not as a rule anyway. I dunno. Ladies, am I right? Am I missing the mark? Do I need more coffee (only half a cup in)

Ish

Oh the things I have learnt since hanging out with you learned people. I can now spout words like Uni and donkey punch…..

ilovelestat

what is monkey punch?????

meagaloo

theyre not all gay, the guy that got me into twilight (thats right a guy got me into twilight) is prob gay, but i spotted an entire herd of completely staraight unicorns at my cousin’s house. actually , my cousins girlfriend was the only one in the group who hadnt finished the books and therefore could not be involved in our convo about if jacob got the short end of the stick and if there should have been more violence at the end of breaking dawn.

priscila

not really, i have a couple of friends that have read the books, and i don´t question his sexuality, i mean, one of them is my ex, so i´m fully convinced unicorn doesn´t mean gay.

Ish

It was more of a bad joke than anything so I have prob offended someone and my apologies. sometimes my return button is hit before brain switched on. xx

Ang

Ish – I don’t think that’s offensive at all. I have two guy friends – one gay, one not – who I have introduced to Twilight. The non-gay friend has unicorn potential. The gay friend is only interested in looking at the movie. He can’t wait for the wolf pack!

absolutelyvlc

And in defence of the dude in the photo – he’s in an airport, and I can tell you from my summer holidays this year that landed me in 6 different airports; the Twi-Saga is EVERYWHERE in those damn airport bookstores. No matter what country or city I was in the first (overwhelmingly large ) display you see in any of these shops is our Meyer’s Magic. I’m gunna cut him some slack. Maybe his flight was delayed, or he missed his flight and he has to wait hours and hours and hours before he can get on the next one stand-by. Poor unicorn.

Ish

bet he was holding it for his girlfriend as she went to the loo. he aint looking too happy

Yes, everything Twilight is for the ladies. But I would not have a problem dating a guy who liked it, they just can’t get all fan-girly (like I sometimes do). That would be too far. They would also need to be able to mock it like I do. Yes I like most Twilight related things, but I also like to have a laugh about. I mean come on, how can I not? I read this blog for a reason.

And I agree, a Twilight murse is a big ole’ fashion don’t! =)

egregiousgirl

mte. i want my husband to enjoy the books and movies with me, for sure. but i don’t want to find any vanity fairs that aren’t mine under the bed ifyouknowwhati’msaying. and def no murses, but he is a lumberjack type and i don’t think they’d go with his look.

oh god, now i’m having monty python flashbacks. help!

on a related note, he started asking me a lot of detailed questions about the wolfpack mythology/origins last night so his interest is definitely piqued, and he recently watched underworld and is really jazzed that michael sheen will be in new moon. i’m interested to see his reaction to the movie on premiere night (we’re going with two other couples, and all of the guys have seen/liked the first movie – but still make fun of it!) it’s gonna be awesome. viva la unicorn! (sorry this is so long)

tuesdaymidnight

He’s a lumberjack and he’s okay, he sleeps all night and he works all day… 🙂

egregiousgirl

oh i’m so glad someone got that!

MariaCecilia

Oh, so he is a girly just like his dear papa? 😉

NotWutheringHeights

In agreement with the letter. Some things are sacred and for the girls only. TwiMania is one of them.

Bad enough the husband has finagled his way into watching Vampire Diaries with me. He will never, ever be allowed to see Twilight. That’s mine!

illegalwolflover

I agree with some of them, but when my lil bro watched the wolf pack clip and then proceeded to ask me a million questions, i didnt doubt his manliness at all…i just thought “finally a man in my life who is genuinely curious about the phenomenon”…not that he doesnt say stupid things like “why is Jacob orange?” to which i reply “seriously? orange? did that look like a furry citrus fruit to you?” 🙂

I can watch a two hour action movie with copious amounts of naked women, swearing and fake blood and like it…so why the double standard? lol

Down with the Twilight murse but up with the unicorn i say…

Btw lil bro supports team Carlisle….that for me is just so many levels of awesome…(and now he’s a wolf boy)I knew there was a reason i loved him the most…

priscila

hahaha jacob orange!!! Really?
Don´t you think is the nicest thing to have someone in your family (at least) who understands you?
Like some of you said twilight is everywhere, and i realised i was talking to much about it in RL when the other day i came from school and the first thing my DAD tells me is: when is new moon going out? I guess i gave my best wtf face cause then he said: you know, i watched the trailers and i really liked the wolves.
I mean he did it without me begging him to do it! Not even my mom has watched them.
So i´m starting to think of us as a twifamily.

illegalwolflover

I know right? yeah i told the git to go fix his monitor…and his vision…lol

Hes such a goldfish sometimes…
“but i dont want to watch a behind-the-sce…woohoo gigantic wolves!!!” 😀

Its awesome that you have family who love Twilight yay twi-family!!!…once i get back home i’m sure ill convert the rest..it’ll be my own personal cult 🙂 …i see my dad and big bro fighting hard…but they’ll give in…eventually…lol

priscila

i think you can handle it, LOL

tracyface

I love this fan letter. It is so true. I would hate it if my future boyfriend was also into Twilight. I am embarassed enough myself and once in a while I need someone to make fun of me and bring me down to earth a bit.

Sparklecakes

If Hubs tried to talk to me about anything Twi-related (other than, “Seriously, how are you even interested in this teeny bopper shit?” to which I politely ignore him while flashing him some fancy ASL I picked up. You might know it as flipping the bird?) I would start to question his manliness. I mean, really, the whole thing is very ideal for women; hot guys, danger but love conquers all, two ridiculously awesome men fighting over you. If it was meant for men, Stephenie would have thrown in gratuitous naked scenes, possibly pillow fights between the women in their underwear, and Edward admitting that he’s a stalker and controlling (the one time I tried to explain Twilight to Hubs, he informed me that if any guy tried that crap, they’d have a restraining order slapped on them so fast it would make their head spin).

southernbelle

I agree with you completely! I’m already married my hubby is not into Twilight at all and that’s fine with me. Twilight is something I would love to share with my girlfriends, not with my husband! LOL.

It’s as you said, he does his manly things (ie. football, racing) and I listen to him banter about them, and then he listens to me too talk about Twilight/New Moon/Rob. I try to not too much about Rob to him though, he gets so jealous!

BTW sorry, what’s Twilight murse?

illegalwolflover

i think its a man purse…correct me if im wrong…

fiance is another matter all together…he is polite and also sometimes nice about the obsession but doesnt put a toe out of line…he knows when certain things should not be said, read,watched or particpated in…

(he was not amused that i was blushing like crazy after watching a Taylor interview…even i didnt notice… AWK-WARD… 🙁 )

I think lil bro would be the same with his girlfriend…and he wont be running out to buy movie tix thats for sure… its just the baseball scene, music and killer wolves for him…thank god for small mercies…lol

Well, I have this friend and she just started in Twi world this month (I know, a virgin enabled by me! YAY! She will start BD today…) and I borrowed her my Twilight movie DVD explaining why the movie is so lame (c’mom, just face it), etc. And she told me her DH liked the movie (???) a lot. I don’t know what to think about it after this letter anymore LOL I think I’ll ask him WHY he liked the movie.
My DH didn’t like it or hated it b/c he feel asleep right after that *jizz in my pants* scene. Yes, I know… but it’s fine. Live and let live, right?

Jamie

I agree completely. I have enough in my life that is not my own, so Twilight is mine. The hubs used to make fun of me relentlessly (“when did u turn into a 13 year old girl?” & “you’re reading that again??”) But he learned to just leave it alone, except for the occassional eye-rolling which I ignore, & let me be happy about it.
I will never ask him to read the books, I don’t care if he sees the movies or not. I’m selfish with my Twilight & my Rob obsession but hubs still reaps all the benefits.
Its the perfect arrangement.

Kate

Yeah, some things just don’t translate well to other genders. I read LOTRs for him…oh my god. I loved the movie but that had to be the most boring book I’ve ever read (but still finished).

We meet in the True Blood and Harry Potter middle!

egregiousgirl

i think that’s Tolkien’s writing style being very dry and boring more than a gender gap issue (to me anyway) i had a hard time getting through the first one and never went on. now hubs is reading the hobbit out loud to me, and it’s way more fun!

I loved the hobbit a lot more too. Is has to be the writing style, because there are mainly dwarfs dragons and an old hobbit in that one.

MariaCecilia

Tolkien may be an acquired taste, and I agree I don’t think it’s about gender. (nerdiness, well, maybe. 🙂 I loved the Hobbit at 12 and then delved into the LOTR, have re-read them a couple of times over the years, loved the movies despite trepidations to the contrary, and my man shares the whole LOTR teenage experience with me, so it’s something we have bonded over too. Never got through Silmarillion though, and have never been invited to join the Tolkien society, though I have friends who play dress-up regularly… I agree that the Hobbit is the way to start Tolkien. Still have doubts about the Hobbit – the movie until I see it though..

beth

Same here w/ LOTR. Hub loves the books (and he is so NOT a reader, with the exception of American history) and I just couldn’t get through more than a few pages of the first. I like the movies but that’s about it. Bravo to you for finishing the book!

And yeah, I’m more True Blood and he’s more Harry Potter (although I’ve read them and he’s only seen the movies) and we do meet in the middle there.

MariaCecilia

I’m all for LOTR, True Blood AND Harry Potter – and Narnia, Earthsea, Prydain, and all the other places I like to go! Why choose, when you can have them all, right?

Sparklecakes

“I’m more True Blood and he’s more Harry Potter”

is this some kind of weird equivalent to “I’m a little bit country, I’m a little bit rock n’ roll?”

beth

Awesome Donny & Marie reference. Hopefully that means I’m not as ancient as I feel.

tuesdaymidnight

*sniffle* I’m a LOTR dork, so I loved the books. I’m so much of a LOTR dork that I took an English class in college just on the trilogy. But, I can see why Tolkien’s writing might not be that enthralling, so kudos to you for sticking through it!

beth

I always feel like a traitor to my English lit major because I DON’T like Tolkien. It feels wrong, somehow.

illegalwolflover

@ Beth …Its not (oh boy im gonna have to face pitchforks and rocks for this…and a meeeelion downer thumbs)…i tried reading him and all i remember was

(for example)
pg 34 – and they walked and they travelled and they passed a rock….

50 pages later they passed another rock, and they walked, someone said something, rock….

rinse and repeat.. now if i had someone read it to me…(chaske? u feelin me?) that would be another matter altogether…Tolkein is a wonderful writer…i just cant follow it cause im a squirrel..i swear i cant pay attention to…oooh look a cupcake!

Sparklecakes

Word @wolflover. Tried to read it and became easily distracted. I refer to it as “shiny object syndrome”

tuesdaymidnight

You’re all killing me here!! 🙂 Can I be the only LOTR dork on LTT??

illegalwolflover

Oh Tuesday…loving LOTR doesnt make u a dork…it makes u unique and determined and able to focus on something that is grand and amazing and very very detailed…. 🙂

I love the movies and if the Alpha says yes, am willing to listen to the entire saga read by him…i even played Gollum once for a drama exam….so me and LOTR have a groovy kinda love while urs is an epic one….lol

beth

illegalwolflover – I can’t reply to your reply, but you had me guffawing at your response…so much so that hub asked me what was so funny. I’m like, “they passed a rock…etc.”

He didn’t think it was funny, but I have tears in my eyes.

PS apologies to tuesdaymidnight….I’m sure you’re not the only one *smoothing your hair*

Lindelle

@tuesday – I’m here for ya! I really like the books and have read them several times. I even have the boxed set with the Alan Lee illustrations all through it. And all the extended edition movies.

Thanks Ang! :)…im trying a few on to see what fits best (thatswhatshesaid ;)….aaaaaand now im going to hell cause its sunday) better to see that cleft in his chin than my ugly mug i always say….long live the good ship Taycob in a hot sea of Rob!

honestly those cupcakes are gonna be the death of me…either by clogging up my arteries or by waving at me from across a busy motorway….lol

sorry…insanity factor is on hyper speed today…. 😀

Ang

ha – trying some on for size! Yeah, I’ve thought about changing mine because when small, the pic I have isn’t as impessive as it is when large (is there a that’s what she said in that somewhere?) but it’s still one of my favorite pics!

illegalwolflover

LOL thats even dirtier than mine…thank Jebus its still saturday over there…mmmmmm monochrome-hand-in-hair-Rob….It really does not do them justice…where is the back of Rob’s scruffy head? where are Taylor’s over-developed shoulders? It’s like Sophie’s Choice when it comes to cropping…sob 🙂

Ang

LOL – Sophie’s Choice when it comes to cropping. That is so true! And there are so many good pictures…so many cropping options. The choice is hard…(that’s what she said). Yes, good thing it is Saturday here! teehee

I’m headed out to run some errands! C-ya later!

Sparklecakes

Seriously, I love you all. Good day.

absolutelyvlc

Can someone send me instructions how to put up a TWIvatar (that was stupid). I want an avatar that doesn’t resemble the stuff up Rob’s nose. But didn’t know how to do it . PM me over on the forum. Same name.

MariaCecilia

I seriously don’t think you have to love Tolkien to be an English major. I have a degree in English and no one ever talked to me about Tolkien. Shakespeare, Austen, Donne and Wordsworth are more part of the canon, but you are not recquired to love them either you know? Reading Herman Melville in American lit was more of an ordeal than Tolkien, I think…

@tuesdaymidnight – I’m a big fan of LOTR too! I love the books and the movie, and definitely Orlando Bloom! I’m into Chronicles of Narnia as well.

tuesdaymidnight

Yay! Orlando Bloom was the perfect Legolas… sigh… though, I’ve gotta say, I may or may not be a few martinis away from starting letterstoviggo.com.

Luludee

I’m a LOTR dork too. If there had been a class on it at my school, I would have taken it for sure. I gotta say though, that I am completely shocked at how people found the books boring!?! The first part of Fellowship of the Ring is a little hard to get through, but other than that, I loved every minute of it. I was totally enthralled!!

P.S. My degree is in history, so I’m all about the very detailed stories.

tuesdaymidnight

The class I took was actually just on the ecology of Middle Earth… we went into sooooo much detail. It was a LOTR dork’s dream! I, too, can see why the story might be a little hard to get into, but once you get to Tom Bombadil, how could you turn back?

Ish

Oh yeah heard that alot “Are you reading that AGAIN”?

beth

My husband fits the “DOs” (apart from hunting wild boar…he’s an animal lover like I am). The mocking gets on my nerves, but I guess I can handle it. I’m thinking he’ll like the next 3 movies better (because he IS seeing them) since there’s more action and the wolf pack brings a bit more of the masculine element.

The letter is pretty much spot on, IMO.

beth

Oh…and I mentioned him seeing the movies because there is no way in Hale he’ll ever pick up any one of the books.

illegalwolflover

Word… 😀 not even up off the floor….(and hes a clean freak to boot)

Kate

Ha! The first thing I said when I came home from seeing Twilight was “You will hate this movie.” And I, being the kind wonderful fiance never asked him to come the 10 times I went to see it.
He HATES everything about it though, even while I listen to the soundtrack and sings along in a stupid whiny voice..I’m like THIS IS THE KILLERS! What’s wrong with you!!??

My revenge for him not appreciating my considerations? I used Edwards handwriting font on out wedding invitations! Ha!

the more i think about this the more i think it is a double standard. i had to sit through scary movie 4, he can damn well sit through new moon, you know? and sooner or later he always comes around to whatever i think is cool. when i got into doctor who, for example; it was for chicky reasons – romantic adventure, the hotness of christopher eccleston (just me? maybe) and his reaction was “this is a kids show, wtf?”
flash forward to two years later and it’s his favorite show and he has downloaded almost the entire 30 years worth of episodes AND he was Tom Baker (doc #4) for halloween last year.
sooo, at this rate, he will be a twihard in time for breaking dawn.
jeesh i gotta lot to say today!

enbie

It’s a chick flick… but guys sometimes like chick flicks,right? Even if it’s just to check out the chicks? I wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend did like Twilight (I kinda think he does because when I watch it at home, he pretends to be “working” on his website on his laptop, but I often catch him watching, AND he can tell me what part of the movie every song on the soundtrack is from… THAT’S NORMAL! RIGHT?! But, he also has an uncanny memory for quotes and music from movies… so is he a unicorn!?). I would rather that he didn’t TELL me how excited he is that I bought our tickets in advance for the midnight showing of New Moon. I guess I just prefer someone to just deal with my addiction to the books and movies, don’t complain about it, just do it because it’s your job as my bf!
ps/ It’s also his job to humor me and let me call him “Bradward” because he is my personal Edward.

tuesdaymidnight

I think it’s probably true that Twilight is a “chick flick.” Though, I think it’s a stereotype that men and only men like action movies. It sort of annoys me that Summit played up the action scenes to entice male viewers. (I assume that was their intention. They only needed an Edward montage to get women into the theaters.) I love bad action movies. My bf usually only watches indie or concert films with me… except Die Hard. He loves Die Hard.

I don’t know any guys who’ve read Twilight, but I will say that I’ve had a lot of interesting conversations with male friends about the mechanics of vampire sex.

robsten4life

I don’t know, I mean I guess it’s generally a chick type thing but overall there is a really good story there that I think most guys would enjoy if they let themselves.

Rob actually addressed this yesterday during the press conference. His answer:

“It’s weird. I keep getting told by people, “Pump up all the stuff about the action, so the guys will go and see it,” but it’s ridiculous. It’s like saying that guys can’t appreciate romance. I don’t think you can say that about Gone with the Wind. I’ve watched Titanic and I didn’t think, “Oh, this is a girl’s film.”

Especially in New Moon, and actually in the whole series, I’ve never played it thinking, “Oh, I’m in a series of girls’ films and I’m doing something just for girls.” I don’t feel like I’m doing an animated Tiger Beat, every week. I like doing romantic scenes. I felt like a lot of the storyline in New Moon is very heartbreaking and true. I didn’t think I was doing something, just for the sake of romance. I thought, in a lot of ways, that it was a really sad story.”

Can I say how much I love him even more since he mentioned Titanic, my favorite movie ever!! 🙂

blvr

I ditto Rob’s comments on this issue. There are a number of guys at work who join in on my female co-workers and I geeked out Twilight discussions. They aren’t squee’ing like we are over the hotness of vampires versus werewolves, but they do like to talk theory and how Stephanie’s vampire canon is similar to/different from other vampire stories. So I say Twilight is a love story, and those traditionally have a bigger female audience, but I think it has it’s male fans too.

same

I have to agree too. I just met my first unicorn two weeks ago and I sort of baited him about shouldn’t there have been more of a battle at the end of BD. He DISAGREED! He thought the characters and their values would have been compromised…freaking blew my mind because I was expecting him to want the “big action scene”.
I would have to say that if I wasn’t single (and desperately trying not to obsessively worry about being single) I wouldn’t mind if my guy was a twi-fan. MY obsession is such that I’d have to share anyway…

MariaCecilia

Yes, exactly – spot on, Rob! If Titanic is a girl’s flic and Terminator is a guy’s flic – what about the majority of films who are in between, or not designed for a particular gender at all? We are people here, people, before we are men and women. And anyone can enjoy a good movie. (May I add that I have watched all the Terminator movies and never seen Titanic. I am a girl, but I don’t like big boats going down and hundreds of people drowning.) 🙁

cedvanhalen

I don’t know as if I’m against guys being into Twilight. As long as they don’t go all fangirly on me. But my BF has watched Twilight with me. And we’ll probably go see New Moon together. But I don’t think he’s crazy into it. I’m pretty sure it’s a “I’ll watch it in support of you” kinda thing.

And I think guys can go see “romance” movies. My BF has been to a couple “romance” movies with me.

operarose

I am absolutely in agreement with this letter, and personally thrilled that my fiance refuses to read or watch or think anything remotely related to Twilight (or vampires, or sparkles, for that matter.) Although he’s catching on to how much of my time I actually do spend thinking about this world, other than his vague awareness of what the world contains, I am more than happy that he is completely separate from it. I am such a girly-girl that there is no room for anything remotely feminine from my significant other, and Twilight is a big bubbly emotion-filled, squeal-filled girly mess. That isn’t to say other guys can’t enjoy it, or are wimps who do enjoy it. I have converted several unicorns other than my SO and there’s a lot that macho straight unicorns can get out of Twilight. No problemo. I’m just saying, in my relationship, Twilight is 100% for me and he is not allowed to share any of it. (I already have enough issues with knowing I’m sharing the world with millions of squealy stalker creepy teenagers and their moms, but I deal by deluding myself into thinking I (and LTT) are the only ones “in” this world.) Besides, do I really want him to know what scene I’m picturing (ahem…leg hitch, tent, meadow, Isle esme, etc.) when we are, erm, being intimate? No. Thanks.

The husband likes Twilight. He went through a phase where he wanted to watch it and of course I didn’t stop him. Like I’ve said many times before I read the books to him too (because he’s too lazy to read them for himself).

He’s past the phase of ever wanting to watch Twilight again now, but all throughout the phase he still played his NCAA football on PS3, drank beer, scratched his nuts, and was all out my MAN.

I understand your points, K, but just because I guy likes Twi doesn’t necessarily mean he’s lost his man card and is catipulted into Unicorn status. Being a Unicorn doesn’t mean you’re neutered. To me, it means that my guy is understanding about my Twi love.

(repost because I used a diff email and maybe it didn’t recognize me as being a wordpress member)

K,

The husband likes Twilight. He went through a phase where he wanted to watch it and of course I didn’t stop him. Like I’ve said many times before I read the books to him too (because he’s too lazy to read them for himself).

He’s past the phase of ever wanting to watch Twilight again now, but all throughout the phase he still played his NCAA football on PS3, drank beer, scratched his nuts, and was all out my MAN.

I understand your points, K, but just because I guy likes Twi doesn’t necessarily mean he’s lost his man card and is catipulted into Unicorn status. Being a Unicorn doesn’t mean you’re neutered. To me, it means that my guy is understanding about my Twi love.

M

illegalwolflover

*gets up and starts slow clap*
awesome…. just awesome….. 🙂

Sparklecakes

Joins in for first wave of staggered slow clap

illegalwolflover

oh thank god…i thought i was gonna be like the guy in “Not another teen movie” who starts a slow clap and is told “dude, its not the right moment” ROFL

Sparklecakes

That’s hilarious you said that, because I watched that this evening. “You just ruined my perfect season, Senor you just ruined my perfect sea-son!” God bless that stupid film. And God bless Twilight. And you know what? GOD BLESS that there’s only 11 days left until my butt’s in the theater waiting for 12:01 am to approach. Can I get a witness?!

illegalwolflover

Amen!!!! *leads choir in a rousing renedition of the hallelujah chorus*

Ang

myria – Nice to see you – haven’t in awhile.

illegal/sparkle – you both are cracking me up with the slow clap visual.

fangedinforks

My husband mocked me for well over a year about Twilight and then (at a low point) he bought the audiodiscs to surprise me with on a road trip…at first I was excited to listen to them for a different “twilight” experience, but then I thought he would completely ruin it for me. In the end he LOVED them and even surprised me with a trip to Forks/Portland for our anniversary. I do not like watching the movie with him because he makes fun of pretty much everything and yeah he thinks its a chick flick, but he is going to the midnight NM show with huge group of girls. His appreciation of Twilight is in no way “fan-girly” and even though he still gives me crap about it, he “gets” it too. All of his jokes aside, his interest in Twilight has been super sexy and changed our relationship a lot…he said it sorta helped him understand women better. hmmmm…

Um, I’m on board with the murse thing in general (not just the Twilight one) buuuut the rest seems like a whole lot of stereotypes to me. I don’t really think the movie is a chick flick (possibly because I hate that term – it’s so exclusionary). They definitely vamped (hehe) up the action for the male population (because men think that’s what they need to justify seeing it). I wish more guys would get in touch with their soft side and their emotions (instead of listening to the stereotypes society throws at them that tell them doing such a thing is “unmanly” or “wimpy” or “girly” or “gay”). Maybe if more guys read Twilight, they’d know how to treat a girl – the romantic, turn-of-the-century, *swoon* way – holding doors, caring less about sex and more about what she’s thinking…do I really need to continue? You know what I’m talking about.

MidnightCyn

Hi all..just popping in to say Hi…I am computerless right now..(on a borrowed one @ the moment) won’t be around till I get a new one….someone take notes for me plz…and don’t forget me!! I will be back..miss you all so much already! Hugs!

Ang

MidCyn – <3 U! Look forward to your computer being well and having you back!

MidnightCyn

I am missing on you all so much!!!!

illegalwolflover

Dear St. Isidore (the patron saint of technology…why yes i had to (altogether in Edwardy velvet tones) “google it”

please asisst MidCyn with her computer woes…we miss her witty remarks and the comfort of Edward in the shape of a warm, fuzzy blanket….

I will consider making my brother change his name to Isidore if you do…he wont be pleased but if he ever wants to have a decent relationship in his life he will listen to his sister without complaint or chagrin…and do it for the greater good.

This we ask through LTT,
Amen!

MidnightCyn

OH SUCH BIG SMOOCHES AND HUGS FOR MAKING ME SMILE…WHEN I NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAS POSSIBLE TODAY!!!!I I so heart you a zillion times..but you can stop praying now…the (sniffle) computer has in fact gone to its final resting place! It passed away at 12 noon yesterday…all out ouf of Edward tissues..can I borrow a Jacob one plz!! Have use of this one till tommorrow a.m. but I am spending all my time trying to find another computer I can afford….worse though..I am lost w/o all my notes etc. in my other computer…I feel like Edward tring to read Bella’s mind..nothing ! I don’t know how I will know to pay my bills etc..or any of my passwords!!! I couldn’t even find this page as I had it saved to my fav..having long ago tossed the post it..Every morning my note thingy would pop up and tell me to go to LTT…and I am feeling really, really lost.. 🙁 I am afraid if too many days go by I will forget who is who here…sorry..don’t mean to go on..its just such a scary feeling….I can’t really explan…xoxox always!

illegalwolflover

I’m so sorry 🙁 *hands over Jacob AND Edward tissues*..i have both on hand for moments like this

Is there anything we can do to help?

Its all gonna be ok…u wont forget..we’re all a little too loud and persistent for that to happen….

*throws heart confetti at MidCyn*
xxoo

Ang

MidCyn – illegalwolflover is right – we WILL NOT let your forget us! Write yourself a post-it to remind you to come to LTT when you have the new computer…then we’ll take care of the rest!

Don’t be scared of losing us…not possible!

sniff. sniff. Now I think I need some edward and jacob tissue.

illegalwolflover

*hands them over*

MidnightCyn

@illegalwolflover…You will never kow how much I appreciate and heart you seriously!! Especially after you shared BOTH Edward and your precious Jacob tissues with me (always knew you would have a stash of Edward’s on hand)
I wish I knew what to do..I don’t really KNOW what to expect…the way I ‘keep up” is by being here everyday even before I ever commented I used to “lurk” here and then after the whole letter thing I started posting…but I really have to go over everything every day..to keep it fresh and I have lots of lil notes on my other computer to help me..if I get confused I usually go to them because on different days my head “see’s” or “reads” things differently..I never know what it will keep/save/ or how it will “understand” …so this is why I am (red faced) really scared that if I am away for a few days in a row…I won’t know what I am going to “know”..will I recognise the name and remember who it is? Will it “feel” the same..or will I interprut (sp?) things incorrectly…I never realized just how much I was actually relying on my computer to help me get through each day…even the littlest things..this computer is different than mine..so I am having a hard time typing and it doesn’t have spell check..and because it just doesn’t “feel” right to me, it confuses me…is this makig any sense?? See I don’t even trust what I am writing because nothing feels right…sorry here I go again…venting…One thing I just did was make some written notes about you..I NEVER want to forget anything about you or how much you have made me laugh, been my friend, and are so supportive…I will always remember I HEART YOU!!! xoxox

MidnightCyn

@Ang…THANK YOU…I am seriously crying now…I DON’T want to lose any of you…you are like family to me…what if all goes away??? I don’t think I could stand that….what if I come here and its all gone???( I did make a post it after I finally found the site again) but what if I don’t know two-three days from now what it means or why I wrote it?…I HATE THIS… 🙁

Ang

MidCyn, I can only imagine how stressful this must be for you. Sending BIG HUGS AND KISSES your way. Do you think you can get a replacement computer within a few days? I know it’s scary, but you have improved…so you might not lose as much as you fear. And hold on to the recently departed computer. Someone who knows what they are doing might can retrieve your information from it…even though it is now passed on.

And KNOW that if you come back and memories/facts are fuzzy…you can always ask questions and we’ll catch you back up to speed.

Write this down: You can ask Ang anything on LTT! 🙂

xoxo

illegalwolflover

I understand the feeling of thing not being quite “right” not as profoundly of course but u make perfect sense.(the next few things im gonna say are gonna sound as cheesy as a Jacob line to Bella but u have to trust me…and know that this is not a false reassurance and this sentiment is shared by lots of people)

Trust urself….u always worry that people dont understand what ur trying to convey but u do it so well…i have never read a post made by you that didnt make sense…u are poised, witty and intuitive and u always speak ur mind and that is NORMAL and GOOD.

U know what? we’ll take it one day at a time… today wasnt bad at all… u remembered, u posted, u laughed…(through the tears) u made a note and that means ull be here tomorrow…and so will the rest of us…and we’ll go through it ALL over again until u find the computer that will finally feel “right”.

We all luv ya…and we’re here for ya cause thats what families/packs do….and as Ang said, ur not gonna lose us…we have perfected the art of a well-timed leg hump…lol

i <3 u as big as the sky….muah!

MidnightCyn

@illegal & Ang,
I won’t be here tomorrow. I only have this until early in the a.m. and I don’t know how long before I get the new one…I think I am going with a Dell because its the fastest one available…that is part of the problem…if its like a week I could lose everything. I only keep up now…because I do come hear everyday/read notes I have made,,,,the posts already up in case I don’t understand the the topic…its a long process, which is why sometimes I don’t post till later in the day…but once I get “into the flow” I try to stay with it… I was getting really upset and then I decided to take a deep breath, wipe the tears because I realized that the only reason I am so upset about this is because you all matter so much to me. More so than I even realized. I was used to living this way for 3 yrs..and it was what it was..but now, having friends again, a place to go everyday…it has become so very important and has helped me in more ways than I can say…so with that in mind I am going to trust…trust that it will all work out, trust in my friends here and know that no matter what it will be ok….for that there are no words of thanks that I can express…ever….xoxox

Ang

I agree wholeheartedly with illegalwolflover! She is right, Cyndi, you will be just fine! It’s true that you always have insightful posts that totes make sense! And we will take things one day at a time.

Trust me, if we were having this conversation during a weekday when more people were online, LTT would blow up with all the people agreeing with us!

Ang

@MidCyn – i posted a video for you below…some Rob to make you smile. Check it out!

illegalwolflover

I may not be a brain surgeon..hell i dont even know how im still allowed on university premises…but lets be logical about this…even it takes a week (god forbid)…u have done everything in your power to make sure u have a fighting chance when u come back…i’m writing “The beginner’s guide” right now lol…

to my BFF and told her to stay away from my man (it looks like her from behind…it helps that u cant see skin color lol) and the git decides to open the mail in front of her father who has no idea about Twilight…the following conversation ensues

BFF’s Dad: Why is ur best friend talking to a shirtless man in the forest?

BFF:- *rolls eyes* She WISHES it was her…

I love that guy but he needs some glasses (very strong glasses) a recent pic of me and the Twilight saga stat!

I have it sort of somewhere inbetween, my bf of 8 years knows what i’m like by now and that i am totally over the top addicted to twilight(& rob) haha 😉 and i am mocked for it… but i wouldn’t have it any other way. He gets it just the right amount!
I made him watch Twilight, and he wasn’t that impressed but didn’t hate it and is coming with me to see New Moon but I would NOT want him to read and get in to the books, at all! they’re my happy place!
samrosey 🙂

PourLAmourDeCanard

i watch a crap load of football so its only fair that my husband should be at least supportive of my interests. actually, i am a very very lucky gal and have an extraordinarily thoughtful husband that surprised me with the new moon soundtrack, a new moon poster (that i am too embarrassed to hang up) AND tickets a showing on nov. 20. he hasn’t read the books and i haven’t asked him to because i know he just wouldn’t enjoy them. i have, however, asked him to read a couple of exceptionally smutty fanfics… no need to explain why, i am sure… i wouldn’t want to date a unicorn but an overly macho guy that can’t be supportive of his girl’s obsessions just isn’t in it to win it. my twilight partner in crime’s bf openly mocks twilight (in a mean way) and i think that is uncalled for. what you like doesn’t necessarily define you, but it seems rather hurtful. and DEFINITELY NO MURSES ALLOWED!!!

MariaCecilia

Hm, I prefer to have Twilight to myself, but not because of gender roles, but because it is my own private escapism – my “happy place”. I need to be alone in this closet, alright? (Present company excepted, of course!)

I would be perfectly alright with my man freaking out over supposedly “girly” things – for instance I love it when he goes shopping on his own, enjoys it, and comes back with really decent looking clothes . *swoon*(tweed blazers for “conference purposes” have occurred, but are not unrivaled by other types of clothing). I would be much less OK if he suddenly had lots of “boys’ nights-out” toting guns, going to football, sports bars or strip clubs or watching stupid action movies with lots of boobs in them. That would be so out of character, and therefore worrying.

I prefer to have Twilight to myself, and let him see his friends for weekends of hiking, sauna, cooking, long heart-to-heart talks and scotch drinking. That’s normal. To me. Please keep the “standard type male”, if such a thing exists and that’s what you’re talking about, out of my orbit. Communication problems and slight stomach upheaval may ensue…on both sides, I think.

Allie

BIG DADDY LAUTNER SIGHTING

He’s wearing the same shoes and the same color shirt as when he was at the hokey game with Taylor.

Just thought I’de come out from lurking at let you know that BIG DADDY’S BACK!

Ang

@MidCyn….enough tears! Here’s a little something to make you smile. 🙂

MidnightCyn

@Ang…O M E L E…….(Oh my Ever loving Edward) I don’t think I will ever recover from 5:15 mins. of PURE Edward…those eyes…that hair…and that crooked smile…I have now decided to stay up all night and just keep hitting rewind…never have I ever wanted to run my fingers through anyone’s hair as much as this man! JUST WHAT THE DR. ORDERED….I am again lost for words! THANK YOU ANG!!! xoxox

Ang

@MidCyn – OMELE – I love that! You just gave me a new abbreviation! Isn’t 5:15 minutes of Rob ALWAYS what the doctor ordered? See, I know what makes you happy, because it’s the same thing that makes me happy. 🙂

Ang

OK – here’s one more. Lot’s of things to smile about in this video! OMELE’s eyes!

illegalwolflover

@Ang…ive never seen this video before…and with good reason…

The Oscars…the dorky laugh…the hair… the biting of the thumb…the smile…the sex eyes…oh God…the things i could do…legally…mmmmmm

*breathes into paper bag*

*feels Taycob’s eyes boring into her back*

errr..i mean…he’s nice…i guess….*nervous laugh*

Ang

@IWL- you know, I was just thinking of you and how I would assume that there are Taycob videos like this too, but I wouldn’t know because I haven’t looked for them. Bet you know though…

Of course, I NEVER would search the web for Rob videos for myself. I was just looking because I knew that MidCyn would enjoy it…yeah, er…that’s all I’ll say about that.

illegalwolflover

LOL I cant watch compilation videos cause of i feel wierd…and after last night i may never be able to again…watched a Tay interview….was asked by a slightly upset fiance why i was blushing….didnt even notice till he told me…then i realised its cause he smiles his smexy smile and says “If a girl wants to be warm…then i’m her guy…it all depends on what she likes” totes imagined things i NEVER should have imagined….especially in those jeans…(Edward moan)
I guess i could look…in the name of research of course…research yeah…. 😉

Ang

haha! I really fangirled out on the Rob interview videos online yesterday. So, I know how you feel!

MidnightCyn

@Ang..ODGIE…(Oh Dear God Its Edward) You may now have to bury me with the Dead Computer…my heart stopped for sure….obit read:

First reported death blamed on Twilight..story to follow:

Maine Woman Dies after Viewing too many pictures of the Twilight Sexy Vampire Edward, aka Rob Pattinson
The mother of 4 has been happily married for 32 years but recently became obsessed or Robsessed as some have stated and spent every day either viewing or discussing the star on the website LTT. The cornoner stated simply that she appeared to have died suddenly of an apparent heart attack at the age of……..after viewing several long video’s of the star, This is the first reported death linked to Twilight saga, but the coronorer warned that this may not be the last, as the next installment of the Saga is soon to be released. He suggested that those with any prior history of heart disease should avoid attending the premiere and to check with their doctor prior to seeing the movie. Family and friends were devasted by the death and could only comment “At least she died with a smile on her face”.

Ang

MidCyn – Seriously, you are killing me! I just laughed so loud my cat stared at me funny!

In the paper the next week:
A mysterious poster on LTT known only as “Ang” turned herself in to authorities on Sunday. In her statement to police, Ang said: “I take full responsibility for the demise of Cyndi and her computer. Videos and pictures of Edward, aka Rob, were too much for the computer to take. I knew it, and I shared them anyway. In an effort to help Cyndi cope with the loss of the computer, I shared too much Rob porn with her. It pushed her over the edge. For this, I will be eternally sorry.”

Ang has been sentenced to probation from LTT and is forbidden to ever own a Blanket Rob. Friends of Cyndi’s say the sentence is too small. The family has a civil suit in the works.

Twight Obsessed Fan’s Death continues in the headlines:
As reported yesterday, the court ordered probation of the woman known only as “Ang” (to protect the identities of other well known LTT posters) was called back to courthouse to face the judge once again today. It appears that the “victims” family did not get a chance to give their impact statements during the trial, so the judge ordered all parties back to the courtroom today. To everyone’s surprise, the “victim’s” family appeared to have changed their minds regarding the civil suit they were planning on filing against “Ang” and the other members of LTT. One by one each member stated that after much discussion , they had come to the determination that their loved one had in fact, been the cause of her own demise. In fact one by one, each family member read from notes and journals recently recovered from the deceased damaged computer stating that after almost 3 years of being very lonely and isolated after a work related injury, having discovered the website LTT and being welcomed by all that dwell there, her life in fact had taken on new meaning and joy. They read several entries where “Ang” and “Illegwolflover” were specifically named as the reason for her happiness and laughter. Realizing how much this had improved the quality of life of the deceased, the mayor who happened to be in attendance shocked the crowded courtroom by admitting to his love of all things Twilight and in fact stated he too had been to LTT on several occasions! He then further surprised those in attendance by offering “Ang” the keys to the city, then realized she would benefit more from the key to Taylor Launters hotel room…The judge agreed and the case was dismissed. “Ang” was seen running from the courtroom and was unavailable for a statement.

illegalwolflover

The recent case that concerned the death of a Maine woman after watching too many Robert Pattinson videos has taken on an international twist as authorities are now looking for a wittness to the event by the name of “IllegalWolfLover” who reputedly lives in New Zealand. NZ authorities are currently sweeping the city for the witness whom Chris Hansen has described as “a sick, twisted, young woman with a penchant for 17 year old boys who may posess copious amounts of Taylor Lautner porn”. Her affiliation to Robert Pattinson is shady at best and her personal physician Dr. Carlisle Cullen has made an official statement to the press saying ” IWL is a dangerous youg woman…if you see her dispose of all New Moon merchandise so as not to trigger an attack and at all times avoid the words Edward, Robert, Taylor, Jacob and any combination of these words”. She is currently charged with aiding and abetting stalker behaviour and will face upto 40 years in prison if prosecuted. Interpol has been notified.

I miss journalism college..sniff..I had to get in the act… 🙂

Ang

LMAO!!!!!

MidCyn’s Mayor is a Unicorn! It took the trial to get that tidbit out in the open.

IWL – so funny. I actually have a college degree in journalism…didn’t even think about that until you mentioned journalism.

I’m so glad I was online tonight to take part in this fun!

illegalwolflover

*high five’s Ang*
Journalism woot!

@Midcyn…the mayor is not Bobbygee by any chance is it? lol

The keys to Tay’s or Rob’s hotel room (Hallelujah!)…its like the promised land…with permission of course cause

a)dont wanna land in jail so soon after being acquitted….

b) dont wanna be a fangirl booty call…shudder…we’re in it for the long haul ladies…

*fills out permission slip*

MidnightCyn

OK WEIRD…I too was majoring in journalism in college!!! OH SO LONG AGO…..guys you really did it this time..totally brought me up from the depths….see why I am going to miss you SO much!!! SMOOCHES!!!

Ang

We are all so cool – journalism rocks!

OK, I’m officially sounding nerdy now.

Hangs head in shame.

MidnightCyn

@Ang
Twilight Double Murder Case Solved:
The mysterious murder of former LTT member “Ang” whose body was found dead in Twilight Saga star Rob Pattinson’s hotel room has been solved. To everyone’s shock and dismay. Kristen Stewart, who has long denied the romantic link to co-star Pattinson was found behind a dumpster with Pattinson late last night. Ms. Stewart gave a statement but was quote” Too high” to make any sense. She is being held without bail until a hearing date could be set. Police Chief Charlie Swan stated that the 19 yr old Stewart had several thousands of dollars of “grass” stuffed in her bra and sneakers. She is also being charged with possession but not with the intent to sell. Mr. Pattinson was not charged but was held overnight in county lockup for being publicly intoxicated and having poor taste. His one phone call was made to the local grocery store to have Hot pockets and cigs delivered to the station. He is expected to be released tomorrow into the custody of his co star Ashley Greene. Ms. Stewart is expected to give another statement in a day or so, but Chief Swan said that there was significant evidence to place her at the scene of the crime. In other news “Illegalwolflover has also been found and charged with sleeping (several times) with the underage Taylor Launter and is waiting extradition to NZ where she will be under house arrest until a trial date can be set. Ms. “Illegalwolflover” was asked by press if she regretted her actions and she replied with a glazed but beaming smile “I had NO choice, I was imprinted and now impregnated”

Ang

Family of Murdered Twilight-Lover Ang Speaks Out

“I just couldn’t believe Stewart was involved,” said a family member of Ang who wishes to remain anonymous. “Ang always spoke highly of her, giving her acting the benefit of the doubt. She always said if Rob liked her, so would she.”

This just in…
News of illegalwolflover’s death hits the Twi-world hard. (That’s what she said.) Her one time lover, the actor Taylor Launter, grieves for her. Meanwhile, Pattinson, who is believed to have witnessed the act of KSTEW seeking revenge on Ang for stealing his affections, is drying out in jail. Papparazzi is awaiting his release.

MidnightCyn

PAPER PRINTS RETRACTION:
Yet again, the recent death of Robsessed fan is in the news. First this reporter must apologize for having reported the facts incorrectly. It was stated that the mayor had given “Ang” the keys to Taylor Lautner’s room when in fact it was” Illegalwolflover” who recieved both a pardon and the keys to TL room…the confusion occurred when this reporter was distracted by the unexpected appearance of Mr. Rob Pattinson who having heard of the deceased cause of death felt compelled to explain to the judge that he in no way could have been the reason for the woman’s death as he found himself unattractive and therefore it would be impossible for anyone to suffer a heart attack just by looking at his pics/video’s. The courtroom erupted when the female judge leaped from the bench to get to Mr. Pattinson and had to be restrained by the star’s bodyguards. After both the judge and this reporter gained their composure, the case was in fact dismissed and “Ang” was unavailable for comment. I have since been told by witnessses that she was seen fleeing the building with Mr. Pattinson. This reporter did try to locate “illegalwolflover” for a statement but was told by hotel employee’s that she and Mr. Lautner had checked out several hours ago and were suspected of heading to GA.

Ang, LTT contributor and recenlty acquitted murder suspect was found this morning in a hotel room. She died of an apparent heart attack. Witnesses saw her fleeing a courtroom earlier this week with one Mr. Robert Thomas Pattinson, 23, actor, after both were found to not be guilty in the death of fellow LLT contributor MidnightCyn.

Empty Hot Pocket boxes, lots of dirty plaid shirts and cigarette butts were scattered around the room. Ang was laying on the bed, covered in a purple bedspread. It is believed that purple’s cool. Also, it was noted that Ang died with a smile on her face.

She was found in the hotel room by illegalwolflover, who arrived at the hotel after hearing an erroneous report that Ang may be in said hotel room with Taylor Launter, 17, actor.

It is believed that Pattinson was the last person to see Ang alive. illegalwolflover is also missing. Authorities are searching Georgia for IWL. They are searching dumpsters across the country for Mr. Pattinson.

illegalwolflover

next week’s headlines…

“Maine woman not really dead” (exclusive interview inside)

“Robert saved my life – The kiss that brought back the dead”

“Hollywood’s hottest new couple Robert and back from the dead lady take us into their love nest”

“MidCyn and Robert sizzle on screen- exclusive new pics from Breaking Dawn- leg hitches, skinny dipping and feathers…”

Ang

You know, I don’t read fanfiction. But I think we might have written one tonight. 🙂

illegalwolflover

In the third Twi-related death of the week, Illegalwolflover,(hysteric and Twi-porn posessor) was found dead in a hotel room in GA. The coroner has ruled extreme exhaustion and heat stroke as the cause of death. Sources say that slightly out of shape wolflover was not prepared for the intensly buff Taylor Lautner (star of Twilight and x-rated dreams) and has a compulsive problem with saying “no”. Lautner has expressed his regrets and stated that he will be celibate for the rest of his life since “that one night was life-changing and can never be matched”. wolflover is survived by family, angry fiance, Twi-sisters at LTT and demented cat.

I couldnt live without you guys….lol

Ang

OK, I just realized I referred to Rob by his full name in my “news story” – middle name too. Completely typed that without even thinking how weird it is that I knew that.

Hangs head in further shame.

illegalwolflover

im gonna reply to four posts in one…

*There is no shame in journalism…what other legit way can we ogle and touch his holy hotness(rob) and his man-boy friday (taylor)?

*i didnt mention Daniel…*hangs head in shame*

* Fanfiction? pffft we’re better than that….this is best-seller material…..which will be turned into a movie starring us…Mid Cyn u get a chance with Rob too (ala New Moon apparitions) but in real life…if Ang doesnt mind that is…

*Kristen was also found in posession of a bikini with questionable images on them…and also an elegantly written letter from Pattinson that said “you can go to hell…”

😀

MidnightCyn

@illegalwolflover: I did indeed laugh…(you are always able to) that is hilarious! Weird tho…looked like my oldest daughter…LOL….I would NEVER allow her to go near your Jacob tho..so don’t worry /EVERYONE KNOWS THAT!! THEY HAVE BEEN WARNED!
You and Ang have really picked up my spirits tonight..that alone is a miracle..so maybe we will get one more and I will still be me in a few days…xoxox

fangbanger06

Looks like I missed all the fun w/ illegal, MidCyn and Ang. Boo.

Goodnight!

Hurry back Miss MidCyn! I’ll miss you!

MidnightCyn

Hugs Fang…will miss you lots….xoxox

southernbelle

OMG you girls are so hilarious!!! I missed out!

Midnight Sin, come back for us okay? You know Rob’s gonna miss you!

I hope you get a new El computadora soon! I mentioned to you the other day that I have a mini-laptop from Dell, I think that will work really well for you.

Big hugs! Sorry I can’t be here much! RL is so complicated sometimes.

MidnightCyn

SB..sorry RL is so complicated for you right now…wish I could help in some way….hope to be back next week xo (that Dell u suggested won’t work for me because of the small keyboard) but I did find one that I think I am going to go with…thanks for trying to help…will miss you lots…make sure your here when I come “home”…..

MidnightCyn

@Illegawolflover:
LAUTNER FACES CHARGES OF PERJURY:
In what appears to be a case of true love gone wrong, Taylor Lautner of the famed Twilight Saga, has been charged with perjury and misleading a police investigation when he alledgedly told police the woman he was sharing a hotel room in Atlanta GA was reported as having died while having passionate and repeated sex with him over a several day period. Police who discovered the body of a woman that they assumed was the missing “illegalwolflover” was in fact Alice Cullen now known as the worlds first real vampire and was only “acting” dead in order to hide the fact that “illegal” had left the country and was seen boarding a plane for NZ where she has family and a former fiancee. Taylor now states that he “did it” for love and that the woman is in fact carrying his child. Police suspect that Lautner will be given a light sentence due to his age and that he has stated that as soon as he is turns 19 he plans to fly to NZ to marry illegalwolflover, He is quoted as saying” Yeah I love her, and that fiancee of hers better not make me mad”. Pretty fierce for a teenager. As for Alice Cullen she is being held at an undisclosed location and no further information is available at this time. This reporter however has learned that some group known only as The Volturi is said to be on its way to see her.

illegalwolflover

LOVERS FOUND ON TROPICAL ISLAND

In the lastest breaking news on the Lautner/Wolflover controversy, the two have been discovered seeking legal asylum on Isle Esme. Sources say that the couple may be providing refuge to the supposedly-dead Ang and MidCyn, however there is no photographic evidence due to the high security that surrounds their “palatial pad”.

In other news, Robert Thomas Pattinson, previously inacarcerated for the death of Ang has been released on bail and has not been seen for the past few weeks. Conspiracy theorists say that he may be on Isle Esme, half-naked and possibly having the best sex of his life.

The same theorists also believe that wolflover used the pregnancy as a way of getting a lighter sentence and believe that her little “belly” may have been due to too many cupcakes rather than werewolf spawn.

Ha so we’re all alive…or are we???

Ang

It’s alive….me and MidCyn, that is.

THIS JUST IN…ANG AND MIDCYN SEEN ON SURVEILENCE AT ISLE ESME

In what can only be viewed as true LTT sisterhood, information has been leaked that Rob, Ang and MidCyn are alive and enjoying the company of one another on Isle Esme. Pictures of Ang and Rob in the ocean were posted on the Internet this morning. Later today, pictures of Rob and MidCyn covered in feathers were also seen online.

I appears that all are alive…and quite happy.

It is believed that wolflover and Launter are also on the Isle, though no pictures have been captured. Perhaps no pictures were available because they have not left the bedroom…i mean house.

MidnightCyn

FBI INVESTIGATES ESME ISLAND

After closer scrutiny of the surveilence tapes procurred from an unknown source, the FBI has released the following statement:

It is our opinion that the current status of the occupants of Esme Island needs further investigation by the FBI. Our agents have used the lastest technology to zoom in on shots taken and it is apparent that all is not well. The ocean picture reveals that the woman in the water although smiling appears to be suffering from hyperthermia and is being held perhaps against her will from the stiff appearance of her body. The second photo with the yet unidentified woman seems to be with the same man we now believe to actually be Edward Cullen not Rob Patttinson as first thought. The woman was covered only in feathers and is clearly smiling but obvious bruises were visible. We are unable to determine at this point whether or not these woman have been abducted and brought to this island of their own free will but the investigation is ongoing.

Ang

DR. CULLEN BREAKS SILENCE ABOUT ALICE

Carlisle Cullen, MD, adoptive father of Alice Cullen, says he never suspected Alice to be a vampire.

“I knew she was freakishly pale, never ate dinner with us, and also never seemed to want to be outside when the sun was shining,” said Dr. Cullen. “But I just thought she was shy.”

As reported earlier, Alice Cullen is being held in an undisclosed location awaiting trial, or a visit from the Volturi. Alice is accused of “playing dead” to help illegalwolflover escape to New Zealand. It is believed IWL is carrying the child of actor Taylor Lautner. Lautner has been charged as a minor for his part in falsely letting police believe IWL was deceased.

Meanwhile, Dr. Cullen is traveling to NZ in case IWL needs help delivering the baby. Insider reports are that he possibly will be visiting former friends around the world asking them to assist Alice in her “trial.” Alice’s adopted brother Jasper Hale is deeply distressed and mourning the imprisonment of his “sister.”

illegalwolflover

WOLF PACK SPEAKS OUT ON PREGNANCY

“we are ready for the possibility that the future Wolfner baby might be the future alpha of the pack”

The wolf pack joined in the group of supporters that are arguing against the charges made against Taylor Daniel Lautner in his perjury charges.
“That Alice chick was wierd” Paul said shuddering violently before being restrained by alpha Sam.

Alice Cullen has, in an exclusive interview has revealed that she had in fact sneaked into the hotel room hoping to find a cure for her headache when the venture went “horribly, horribly wrong”. She has hinted that she will be revealing the story in an exclusive tell-all tentatively titled ” It’s Time”. The book is already number one all over the world to which she replied “I know”.

On the other side of the camp, more pictures have surfaced of Robert, Ang and MidCyn, islandlife.com the pictures show them having an impromptu picnic with exclusive shots of the Wolfner couple joining in. However they did not stay for long…after a few minutes of tense eye-effing the two returned to the mansion. Speculations are rife on what happens within those walls but according to Emmett Cullen they are “discussing the national budget”.

Ang

Maybe it’s just that I am really tired…but I am laughing so hard now I have tears. Tears, I say. We have to copy this down in the right order!

illegalwolflover

i was just thinking the same thing…!!! its pretty early here so i can give it a try… OGIE just imagine the pics and the captions…i need u guy’s email addys….this has to be created…. 😀

Ang

IWL – RU signed up on the LTT forum. If so, send me a PM there and I’ll give you my e-mail. I’m ang on the forum.

It’s really late here…even later for MidCyn than me.

MidCyn…are you still with us?

illegalwolflover

will send a PM…i feel really bad …u guys shouldnt suffer…. 🙁

Ang

I can sleep in tomorrow. If tomorrow was a work day, I would NOT still be here!

illegalwolflover

now im confused!

no! dont! stop doing that!

or

no…dont stop doing that?
lol
i could go on all night (thatswhatshesaid)

Ang

IWL – not sure what you are referring to…but I can assure you that if the question is about me and Rob, the answer is:
“no…dont stop doing that?
i could go on all night (thatswhatshesaid)”
HAHA

MidnightCyn

JASPER HALE SUSPECTED OF JURY TAPMPERING

Breaking news:
The courtroom erupted into chaos today when after what seemed like a open and shut case of Alice Cullen being charged in the first ever case of vampirism, was found NOT GUILTY! Ms Cullen was rushed from the court house by Dr. & Mrs. Cullen and other family members..Rumours could be heard swirling throughtout the room accusing Jasper Hale, the half brother of the accused asked to address the members of the jury as part of the defenses closing argument. Much to the dismay of the prosecutor , the judge allowed Mr. Hale to approach the jury and speak to them on his sister;s behalf. It took the jury less than an hour to return with their verdict. Mr. Hale refused to speak with the press upon leaving the courtroom. In an even stranger event, a large group who had attended the trial since the start and were thought to be a group of religios fanatics mainly due to their strange attire, (all wore hooded robes while present in the courtroom) could be described as extremely angry as the verdit was read. Speakly softly, they rose and left the room as a group and were unable to be found anywhere to answer reporters questions.

Ang

CELEBRATION PARTY HELD AT CULLEN HOUSE

The entire Cullen family celebrated Alice’s “not guilty” verdict and release with a huge party at their house. In attendence were all the Cullens, some townsfolks from Forks and several out of town guests.

Brother Emmett commented that the party was “typical Alice” though no one seemed quite sure how she planned and executed the plans so quickly. Guests were greeted by twinkling lights on the trees leading up to the house. The inside of the houe was decorated with pink roses, candles and a large cake.

Several large dogs were seen circling the house during the party. Police chief Swan investigated. As usual, he noticed nothing out of the ordinary.

MidnightCyn

SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY ONCE AGAIN PLACES FOCUS ON CULLEN FAMILY GATHERING
Update:
After several days of guests arriving at the Cullen home in celebration of Alice Cullens release from jail, specualtion has begun as to the activities taking place within the household. Locals began talking when several teenagers who had been invited to join in the festivities have failed to return to their homes. Chief Swan issued a statement reassurring the parents that the Cullen’s have never been any trouble and that their teens were probably off partying in the woods. “Although there has been some concern over recent animal attacks, there is no reason to suspect any foul play” When pushed further for answers Chief Swan gave a halo hand signal over his head indicating that he felt the Cullens were “angelic” and would “take care of their children”. He did say that several deputies were on the lookout for a red headed female stranger that had been spotted lurking around town, but at this time they had not located the unkown person for questioning.

MidnightCyn

I am still here…my last post ended way up there for some reason..I am trully crying but from laughing..plus I am exhausted… LOL…

Ang

LMAO – just read your last post. OME – we are possibly being held against our will at Isle Esme! Yikes!

This has been a blast! We could go on forever…but I will need sleep soon. I’m like Bella that way. Now, if I just had Edward to hum me a lullaby to sleep by.

MidnightCyn

Yup…my last post ended way up there for some reason..I am trully crying but from laughing..plus I am exhausted… 🙂

Ang

MidCyn – did you see JodieO’s post? It’s WAY up there before we got quite so silly. 🙂

MidnightCyn

NO I didn’t …will go look…thanks!

MidnightCyn

This has been way too much fun..thanks guys..love ya both..don’t know what time she is taking this computer in the morning but if I can I will check in before it goes..night..and again thanks so much for everything…xoxoxxo

Ang

It’s been fun for me too! Snuggle with Blanket Rob and have sweet dreams! We will talk to you soon.

xoxoxo

illegalwolflover

This was awesome guys!!! u guys made my day

sweet dreams and see ya’ll tom…

ill try and compile this tonight!!! its calling to me…do it DO IT!!!

hugs and smooches!

Ang

its calling to me…do it DO IT!!! (that’s what she said)

Sorry…i just had to do it. 🙂

And with that, I’m gone.

MidnightCyn

Goodnght!!! Love you guys!!!

DuskUK

I am a fan of the twilight series and “mean girls” suit that category a whole lot better, besides there is nothing wrong with a man watching a bit of romance every now and again but it just so happens it has an amazing story line, really interesting characters and a fair amount of action. I am not gay and I’m not obsessed with twilight (:H) or Edward Cullen, although I do idolize him, you could even say envy him, and I mean Edward Cullen, the vampire for what abilities he has, not Robert pattison for how handsome he may be.

DuskUK

before the mean girls bit, spposed to say disagree with it being a Chick Flick laptop spazzed out 🙂

Having just learned what a “Unicorn” is I am happy to announce that I gave birth to one. My college aged son has loaded “Twilight” on his IPOD AND his laptop and has happily accompanied me to “New Moon” twice. We go again tomorrow when he comes home for break. I can attest to the fact that this particularly Unicorn is intelligent, heterosexual and quite pretty (if the number of girls that beseige my home are any proof). The funny part is that my gay son – who introduced me to the books thinks we are both crazy.

Thanks Moon and UC – I heart you!

Unashamed Twi-wife

I totally disagree. Sorry. My unicorn loves the story (and in private always loves a sappy chick flick). That doesn’t mean he’s as obsessed as I am. He happily smiles and pats my head when me and my BFF start swooning. But he’s still a guy. After watching New Moon for about the 3rd time, he gasped and said, “That’s the forest of Endor!”