Wednesday, August 26, 2009

GPS addicts

“What are you doing?”“I’m putting the restaurant we’re going to into my GPS.”“Um…it’s a half-mile down this road.”

Shuttle and cab drivers, go crazy with the positioning systems. Maybe the route from the airport won’t be quite as circuitous (and therefore expensive) with some help from above. On a long road trip, go ahead and bust it out. See, I’m all for things that make life easier. But some geographically challenged chumps seem to be using GPS to find their own ass.

You’ve lived in this neighborhood for years, Lostco de Gama. You don’t seem as if you’ve suffered a crushing blow to the head resulting in temporary global amnesia. So why on earth do you turn to a bossy machine to get anywhere and everywhere? Why do you require assistance to drive in a straight line, Christopher Coldumbass? High school geometry must have been a real bitch. Word problems probably sent you into the fetal positioning system.

Why do you need a disembodied automaton with an Australian accent to tell you what to do? That’s what a dominatrix is for, duh. And I’m right here in the passenger seat, ready and willing to tell you where to get off, if you get my drift.

here be the dealio: this is just another techno trap to keep us dependent and insecure. i be so nauseated by this trend and by the fact we can't go to a fucking restaurant, party, game, or mall without being assaulted by people texting, talking, scrolling, walking into us because they are looking at an inanimate device! I'm telling you, we are getting fucking STOOPID!

Don't talk to me about sat navs - as we call them here in England. Ours took us round central Paris by the most convoluted way - it freaked me out, not the most secure traveler I am already panicking about our return.

The significant other ADORES it and thinks these weird directions are exciting and adventurous - as I suck on yet another valium!

You know what I love, too? All those GPS postings on Twitter. With the 'I am here' on the map. Are these strictly necessary? Am I the only one who thinks 'who cares?' Are they all attempting to ultimately triangulate for the big Nerd-off?

I'm engaged to one of these people, and it's the source of most of our squabbling. I'm a map person, and I like the big picture. He's a GPS/gadget person, and he likes to see only 100 feet in front of him. If we don't both fully equip ourselves before a trip and keep our traps shut, there's trouble. But that makes it hard to work together. My favorite TIWTPITF in a while.

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