The Accidental Voyeur: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

At this so very heartwarming time of year, when we’re urged to think of peace on earth and goodwill to men, behold my tidings of comfort and joy.

This past October, an 86-year-old widower and retired farmer from Sullivan, Illinois named Johnny Orris won a Howard Stern radio show contest called “Get My Grandpa Laid.” His first prize was two whole days of fun and games at the famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch legal brothel in Carson City, Nevada, that fine establishment run by the incomparable Dennis Hof — who always knows a good marketing ploy, even those involving senior citizens.

And so a delighted Orris (shown above after winning the show in New York, posing with Bunny Ranch girls Caressa Kisses and Rain Riches) then traveled to Nevada to whoop it up, accompanied by his grandson Ed Moody. On the appointed evening, they decided to enjoy a pre-party meal at the Sage Room Steakhouse in Lake Tahoe, so that Orris could (as he himself put it) “bulk up” for his long night of lovin’ ahead with the dynamic duo he had chosen, Caressa Kisses and Vanity Affair.

The anticipated ménage a trois, however, never happened. Orris was enjoying his meal – a rib-eye steak served with baked potato and a serving of oysters – when, merely a couple of bites into the steak, he started gasping, “I can’t breathe! I’m choking!” And then slumped over and collapsed. Some 45 minutes of unsparing efforts by restaurant staff and paramedics proved futile and he was taken to a nearby hospital and declared dead at 8.30 pm. The El Dorado County Sheriff’s office is expected to conduct an autopsy.

Meantime, Caressa Kisses and Vanity Affair were waiting for him back at the ranch and broke down crying when news came. Hof offered to “supply counseling to any working girl in need,” said the press release I received informing me of this bizarre incident, adding that he felt it “the saddest day in our 58-year Bunny Ranch history.”

But wait, there’s an interesting epilogue. Ed Moody, the 49-year-old grandson, gave statements to the press, noting his granddad often confessed to elaborate sexual fantasies involving big-breasted black women. Moody decided he would honor his newly deceased grandfather in the best, most deserving spirit possible – he returned to the Moonlite Bunny Ranch later that same night and took his grandfather’s place. He chose the highly popular Sophia Jaye, and in such honorable manner cashed in his granddad’s still-valid winnings!

“I didn’t party with Caressa or Vanity out of respect for my grandfather,” Moody later said. “They were his favorites so that wouldn’t have been cool. But my grandfather would have wanted me to go on and have a good time in his memory, especially having come so far from Illinois and all. I think he will high-five me in heaven for it when we meet there.”

Now, isn’t that touching? I’ve admittedly harbored a certain envy for the guys who’ve managed to partake of the girls in our adult industry who have openly worked in Nevada, providing very personal attention to their fans (three of whom I have known and still have fond memories of — Laurie Holmes, Gillian Sloan and Mika Tan), but I’ve never been to the Bunny Ranch myself. That opportunistic grandson Ed Moody sure knew a close encounter of the fun kind when he saw one.

Naturally, I suspect, a porn parody based on this strange episode can’t be far behind. Surely, in the Christmas spirit of compassion, Rain Riches (the sweet black girl in the above photo) deserves more than a non-speaking, non-sex role, so can some producer out there offer her a part, please?

Drew McKenzie was previously the "Cinema Blue" columnist for Penthouse Variations and also wrote for AVN Online, Fox (from Montcalm Publishing, New York) and Guld Rapport (from Stockholm, Sweden). He is also the author of seven books -- three on porn stars, all done under his real name.