Karen Ruimy
Singer, author and co-founder of the global gender equality foundation, the GREAT Initiative

THE BLOG

How to Overcome the Pain of Separation

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06/03/2015 14:48 GMT
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Updated
06/05/2015 10:59 BST

Sometimes I've experienced a lot of pain when somebody leaves my life, like a lover, a friend, a work partner or an employee - someone who is close to me in my life and then has to leave to go on another path. It takes a long time for me to soothe that pain.

I always feel separation as a shock and I know this is something I need to heal. I've worked on it, but it's always there in me. The shock might be very small, but still I feel its wave of energy, like something that is pulled from me. I get attached to people, taking to heart the people in my life. I can't live my life with indifference: it's not something in my make up. But separation is an issue for everybody to a greater or lesser degree and I think it comes from a very deep place in the soul.

It all goes back to the separation of the soul from the higher presence. It's a subject that is universal because although we are all individuals in this world we are all asking the same questions. "Where do we come from? Where are we going? What do we belong to?

Basically the soul belongs to the universe and the universal presence and is part of it. But the minute we become human beings we experience this entry into individual human life as a moment of separation even though the soul is still part of the universe. I feel it's a quest during our lives to recapture that feeling of merging - of not being separated from the higher source that is love.

It's a very deep quest. I think separation is the engine of all dramas on Earth. From my intuitive deep-self I know the soul has the knowledge that we are not separate from the higher source, but as soon as it comes into a body it starts to lose the whole picture.

That's why the human nature has a tendency to start believing that it's lost, not connected to a presence, to a higher intelligence. It feels severed from its creator. And we definitely feel that we have lost something essential at this moment of birth that we will always be driven to find in our lives. That's why I say it's the engine of all dramas, because it creates an energy of looking for the thing that we feel was cut from us. We ask: "How can I recover what I belong to in my being? Where is this thing? What is it? We doubt that we belong to a higher presence - an energy of love."

So we find religion, beliefs to cling to. We find many, many things to soothe our hearts as we want to believe in something higher than us that loves us that we can belong to. But the real truth is that we already belong to the universal presence that is us.

So in a way we already belong to us. But we forget that and we are drawn into ideas that are a bit false because we believe we are cut from something when we are not, and we look for it all our lives. We look outside ourselves when we should look within.

We all run after that piece that we think is missing, that is our nurturer, the father-mother that creates us that we wrongly believe we've been separated from.

That's why you see how people can fall madly in love because they feel they've found the missing piece. That's why people sometimes lose themselves in religion or any belief system. Some belief systems, some religions enforce the idea of our separation from God: many religions say that you can only connect to the divine in the way that they tell you. That's why people become fundamentalists. They have found what they wanted to belong to so badly that they will kill and kill themselves for it. But if you start to realise that it's just the consciousness of human nature to think we are separated and understand that the other piece is in you because the soul is the universe and the universe is the soul there is no separation ever. You are the source. The source is in you. Nothing can interfere between the source and you: nothing: no one: no belief system, no hierarchy.

So when someone comes and goes in our lives, we shouldn't feel it as separation because we are all living this journey and the unity is in us. We are completely whole and nobody has separated us from anything.

But it's the work of every day to remember it. And each time I meditate on it, I feel better. And when I remember that there is no separation I feel joy. The minute you understand that you are not being separated from God, that you are still with him, he is in you, you are in him, you just feel you have everything in yourself. This is a big moment of empowerment in your life.

To help you overcome the pain of separation, you can listen to my meditation on SoundCloud.