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Shit You Should Not Say

It is an axiom of contemporary marital life that if a wife is not in the mood, she need not have sex with her husband. Here are some arguments why a woman who loves her husband might want to rethink this axiom.

Reason #1: The rufee he slipped you was old, and it’s really not going to kick in until after he’s done.

Reason #3: This dick ain’t sucking itself, if you get what I’m saying. And by “what I’m saying”, I mean “my dick in your mouth”.

…

…

…Penis.

What are Prager’s reasons?

The subject is one of the most common problems that besets marriages: the wife who is not in the mood and the consequently frustrated and hurt husband.

There are marriages with the opposite problem — a wife who is frustrated and hurt because her husband is rarely in the mood. But, as important and as destructive as that problem is, it has different causes and different solutions, and is therefore not addressed here. What is addressed is the far more common problem of He wants, she doesnt want.

Shorter This Sentence: Men probably don’t want to have sex because their wives are similarly frigid bitches. But different types of frigid bitches, and I’ve got a word limit, so nyah.

First, women need to recognize how a man understands a wifes refusal to have sex with him: A husband knows that his wife loves him first and foremost by her willingness to give her body to him.

Well, perhaps it’s a part of this newfangled sexual revomalution that we’re all on the front lines of, but most husbands I know understand their wives’ love for them through other means than the percentage of their penises in their wives’ bodies. I sincerely hope that if I am married one day, and my wife is in bed with the flu, that I don’t consider it grounds for divorce because she’s too busy trying to stop the chills to do reverse cowgirl – the obvious position for illness, because who wants to look at her clammy, pallid face when she’s sick?

Few women know their husband loves them because he gives her his body (the idea sounds almost funny). This is, therefore, usually a revelation to a woman. Many women think mens natures are similar to theirs, and this is so different from a womans nature, that few women know this about men unless told about it.

There’s no time in a woman’s life like when she finds out the man she loves is interested in sex. It usually comes when you catch her between her morning knitting and her afternoon Bibling, and she all of a sudden realizes that her significant other wasn’t grinding up against her in bed because he was trying to get more blankets.

This is a major reason many husbands clam up. A man whose wife frequently denies him sex will first be hurt, then sad, then angry, then quiet. And most men will never tell their wives why they have become quiet and distant. They are afraid to tell their wives. They are often made to feel ashamed of their male sexual nature, and they are humiliated (indeed emasculated) by feeling that they are reduced to having to beg for sex.

Here’s an idea: talk. Your wife isn’t denying your sexual nature – she’s denying you sex. I’m pretty sure that your wife isn’t living in some Puritanical bubble where she recites Psalms while you visit your male nature upon her, shocked back to reality after you roll off of her and fall asleep and she realizes she has yet to start the stock for tomorrow’s stew. In general, if your wife is constantly denying you sex, she either has a personal issue which it probably behooves you to stop being horny long enough to think about, or she has a personal issue with you that it really behooves you to stop being horny long enough to think about.

Prager goes on to detail the five reactions to the Pissiness of Man, which read like the five reactions women have to seeing you naked in porn. Why those two things match so well, I simply cannot say. But I’ll think about it for a very, very long…oops, done! If only I was having more marital sex!

There’s a reason why what Prager is saying is so very dangerous, and it’s not because he’s such a persuasive writer that this piece alone may lead to a baby boom the likes of which will leave Western Civilization a dessicated husk of its formers self after a stream of ravenous toddlers suck up what’s left of our resources after the financial industry is done with us. It’s that he embodies the same idea that, for years, led to a “marital exception” for rape.

Marriage was seen as the civilizing act for otherwise predatory men, sublimating their promiscuous urges into a single vigilant receptacle always on the lookout for a stray erection, a single wayward glance towards another woman. The very accusation of marital rape was indicative, oddly enough, not of a man whose urges he failed to properly control, but instead of a woman who failed to stay on top (or on bottom) of those urges. A man who raped his wife was simply rectifying the imbalance she caused, and her consenting to marriage was an acceptance of that agreement. It’s only been in recent years that such exceptions have become increasingly verboten, as courts and legislatures have realized that they’re a tad bit evil.

Dennis Prager is divorced. I hope that revelation just ROCKED YOUR FUCKING WORLD. Is it rocked? Because I hope I rocked it. I’ve been working on my rockage of worlds.

About the Author

Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.