As an act of service to BYU coach Kalani Sitake, we sifted through the multitude of suggestions from participants in a recent (and very unscientific) Deseret News survey. The result is a foolproof list that's guaranteed to quickly turn things around in Provo or your next CougarTail is on us, or whoever suggested that the university needs to "shut the program down."

Tips for Ty Detmer (assuming he isn't sent back to coach Texas high school football, as was suggested):

• Use a spread offense instead of a pro-style one.

• Shotgun! (Nobody likes sitting in the backseat.)

• Play Beau Hogge. Or Ben Hoge. Or Houge. Or Hodge. Or Hogea. Or Bo. Others didn’t even try to spell Beau Hoge’s name — or didn’t know it — and simply called for the backup, QB No. 2, a running QB, Austin Kafentzis, Kody Wilstead or — cue Survivor — “a QB who has that intangible eye of the tiger.”

• Sign Uncle Rico.

• Score.

• Sub.

• More imagination on offense.

• Teach the wide receivers how to catch a football.

• Send Ty to the booth to oversee everything.

• Play calling seems questionable. First-down incompletions and then running on second and third is mind boggling and maddening.

• Remember, Ty did not set the world on fire when he watched football from the sidelines for many years. Of course, BYU can schedule some high school teams next year and then I believe Ty would do fine. (Ouch.)

• Add some diversity to their offense. Even my 14-year-old brother knew what was coming next.

• Take at least one day to work on quickness of execution.

• Try some new player combos. Intense film review and coaching to drill the O-line to step it up and give their QB protection and time!!! (You know it's a legit concern when three exclamation marks are used!!!)

• Suit up Detmer.

He's back. New BYU OC Ty Detmer meets the media. "I was well aware of the pressures here...l'll be a quick learner." pic.twitter.com/62MtGaAXzy

• Dust off a white flag and seek terms of surrender for the Wisconsin game.

• Play a weaker defense.

• Block.

• Get rid of the Honor Code.

• Need receivers who can get off the line, chuck their db, and then CATCH the ball. Getting hung up on the line messes with the timing for the QB.

• Stop scheduling good teams, like Wisconsin and Utah.

• Use the backup kicker.

• Recruit better speed at skill positions.

• New head coach.

• New players.

• Bring back Robert Anae.

• Recruit Mike Leach.

• Fire Detmer.

• Fire Mahe.

• Fire wide receivers coach.

• Fire offensive staff.

• Fire all sports writers.

• Fire everyone.

• Open tryouts.

• Recruit, recruit, recruit!

• Protect the dude! (We’ll assume this refers to the dude from BYU’s football team, not the Big Lebowski.)

• Actually, swallow some pride and move back to the MWC. We will be a New Year’s Day Bowl contender every year!!!! (!!!!)

• Play Division II.

• Better play in the trenches.

• Bring back Luke Staley. (Good news! He’ll be at the stadium Saturday to have his No. 6 jersey retired.)

• Stop wearing the royal unis with shiny face mask combo. We have only won one game with shiny face masks. It is bad luck.

• Stop listening to crybaby fans and give Sitake and crew time to bring it all together.

• Give it time. Relax, people!

• Pray.

• Pray harder.

• Heaven only knows. (See previous answers.)

• Join the Big Sky Conference.

• IDK.

• Darned if I know. If I knew, I'd be getting paid nice money as a head football coach at a D1 FBS school. Alas, I am only an accountant. (Hey, nobody asked for the accountants to be fired, so you must be smarter than the rest of us.)