Hi everyone. I'm excited about being part of this group. My husband and I are in the process of adopting an infant domestically. Our homestudy was completed just a little over 2 weeks ago and we are officially waiting!We have been married for 4 and 1/2 years. We started TTC within 6 months of being married and continued trying for a year with no success before having tests run. Found out that there were both male and female factors and were told that we had less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally. We moved on to fertility treatments (IVF w/ ICSI - 2 failed cycles, never made it to egg transfer) and then took a break for a year and a half. We still tried naturally, hoping for a miracle. We discussed adoption during that time but I knew I wasn't ready - my heart wasn't ready and I knew I needed to grieve what infertility had taken from us. In May of 2012 I knew I was ready. Something in me changed and I had peace. Whatever hesitation I had before then was gone. We waited until the end of July to attend an info meeting at the agency we picked and here we are now, waiting :-) We are using Bethany Christian Services and have had a great experience so far.

Right now my feelings are...excited, anxious, overwhelmed, scared... there are so many unknowns and I tend to struggle with the unknowns. Everything I have read has encouraged open adoption, but to be totally honest, that scares me to death. Deep down, my heart is screaming that I don't want that...but at the same time my head is telling me that it's supposedly what will be best for our child. I guess for some reason I'm feeling guilty for not wanting an open adoption. It makes me sound so selfish. Our agency does require that we at least send monthly updates and photos to the agency for the first year that they will keep on hand for the birthparent(s). I'm ok with that. But much more than that is really really really out of my comfort zone.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to offer any advice you may have :-)

I can't help but respond to your comments about open adoption. I am one that is NOT an advocate for open adoptions and I'm not the only one here who believes adopting parents deserve to choose what they want in an adoption just as biological people do!

You are NOT being selfish for not wanting an open adoption and it is NOT ALWAYS the best option for an adopted child. (My own now-grown children have thanked us for NOT having even a semi-open adoption.) (It IS a very nice advertising gimmick for many agencies/attorneys to convince biological people that they CAN have their cake and eat it too. However, real parenting is not this. Real parenting is raising and caring for the child you have. Birth has nothing to do with this; but I'm sure many agencies/attorneys would disagree with this. LOL)

You will find support here throughout your adoption journey---that, I can assure you. Our members have adopted through many different means and many of us are very experienced in our adoption journeys.

Looking forward to reading more about you and your journey!

Sincerely,

Linny

_________________There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own. ~Robert Brault

I am actually in two open adoptions and agree with everything that Linny said here as well. With our first, we started as semi open and gradually opened up as we got to know each other. With our second, it started as closed until bio mom had a change of heart and wanted to meet us. We hit it off pretty well so we have been gradually opening up as well.

That said, I wouldn't agree to anything that impacts your kids until you have a chance to get to know each other and you know how to players involved will impact your lives.

We just happen to be really fortunate that both our kids bio moms are super respectful and don't really impose their ideas on us or try to stake a "claim" so to speak!

We also all agree that we need to adapt to the kids needs as they grow. Right now, I am the one with the relationship with the bios. My kiddos needs are always first though :-)

Anyway,

_________________----So thrilled to be a mommy to a handsome son (adopted through DA in 2010), lovely little daughter (adopted through DA in 2012) & two crazy cats >^,,^<

I love people like you! Can I say it? I have two adoptions that are pretty much closed and I have two grown biological kids, and the experience feels right, normal, the attachment is full and complete, and all my kids...I am my kids' Mom. There are no strings attached, no other woman to scrutinize my parenting or cross boundaries, and I'm not chasing my son any more to take pictures against his will for the updates. When my son was twelve, he was allowed to decide how he wanted contact to go and since we had had problems from day one, he wanted contact to stop. Our other adoption was international so we update the country, but the feeling is very different. I love telling the orphanage how well my child is doing. The pride just beams whereas if I were updating a birthmother, I'd have to be tactful about her feelings and re-read everything I wrote before sending it. Adoption is not second rate parenting. We are real parents with real children. We shouldn't have to be under some other woman's magnifying glass. Others may disagree with me, and that's fine I will not debate this here. I am a traditional mother, with traditional values about how to raise my kids. My son's birthmother closed down ten years ago when he started asking questions, so she didn't even respond to his decision or my letter.