Monday, December 06, 2004

Naija men and woe on to men

Why do we Naija men fool around?

One Afro-American comedian once pondered on this question during one of his stand-up acts whose title bears a semblance to the suffix of the one time new Warri "Waffy" car plate numbers (albeit in reverse). In that comedy strip he came to a very interesting, amusing but may be unconvincing conclusion on "Why men fool around". In trying to be civil, I would not recount his findings verbatim, but the essence of his argument was: If a man could get a woman....... to obey Newton's first law of motion to the point where Einstein's theory of relativity comes verily into play, and space and time dilation become a reality, then such a man could always get away with any wrong doing to his woman , even fooling around.

To some, such a conclusion may be agreeable, to others objectionable, but lets us tarry a while and really reflect on why men do what they do. Is it game, or is it a manifestation of a desire for a toy- thing, or a way of getting back at women. I know what you are already thinking; What does he mean by ......"getting back at women?". Let us recall what one "mad-man" named Chiwenzu (But remember "mad men are people gifted by God with a vision denied to others) once said “A man chases a woman until she decides to get caught”, you really wonder who then is doing the chasing. We also do realise that while it most often than not takes a man all he has (actual, potential and imagined) to get the woman his heart (or is it something else) desires, it takes the woman only her physical attributes to get the man she requires. Like the saying goes the beauty of a man lies in his pocket, and for a woman we all know where it is on(or where it lays). Enough of this digression.

Since the beginning of time, men have subconsciously distrusted women. There had always been an undeclared war of the sexes, while men appear to be winning in the physical, with all their aggressiveness; women seem to have the upper hand in the emotional realm, using their psychological chips (this by no means accounts for why more women than men attend spiritual enclaves- this will be subject of another discourse). This distrust had manifested in various forms in different cultures. If you would recall that in medieval ages in Europe, men caged their women in metal girdles before going to war. In the not recent past, in certain parts of this country, men guarded against any possibility of indiscretion by their wives through the use of remote control devices (do not ask me how these works). All such and many more actions on the part of men appear to be a subliminal recognition by men, of the superiority of the women in this game of life, despite men's outward brandish display of being in control. For most men, a public acknowledging of this fact and they will seize to be men. A chauvinistic desire to physically dominate the women gender arises from internal recognition of the foregoing.

Men have always outwardly displayed the "Certificate of Occupancy" of their women, they see their women as their ultimate property; but the truth is that it is the women that own men. The women folk see men as instruments for providing the necessities (both essentials and frivolous) for living. They exhort men to take any risks even if it means losing their lives, they also psychological prompt men into taking actions and decisions. Little wonder then, the truism in the popular adage behind every successful man there is a woman(the converse also holds true) or one can just say "The man is the figurehead, but the woman is that figure that turns the head". The sad part of the story is men inwardly acknowledge this fact, but they find it so difficult to accept.

In essence, the need for men to fool around when stripped of its subterfuge, is not really a lascivious desire, but an act of vengeance, a way of aggressively gaining what you lose psychologically. This sexual symptom is a manifestation of the lack of grasp of the everyday-street psychology which women had always exhibited since the dawn of civilisation. Like I always say when it comes to the crux of life, the best game a man can play with a woman is a draw. When men do fool around, they do so with a pseudo-intent of their woman knowing ultimately. Some even go to the extent of flaunting it on their women faces. If and when a woman decides to do same, it is always with a touch of class and very surreptitiously.

A mans desire to fool around also arises from the need to psychologically reassure himself that he is in control, he still possesses his freedom. It can also be seen as an attempt to reclaim the perceived lost ownership of oneself.

I guess men who do not fool around (at least in the widely accepted notion of the expression), would want to think by the foregoing that they are psychologically equipped to tackle women. Wait a minute, you also do fool around, through your sometimes over indulgence in games, sports, etc. some by their roving eyes and lingering thoughts on things that swaggers and winds, and for some the compulsive obsession with work and some an unending foray in outwardly spiritual charades devoid of any internal convictions.

All men have always realised: A man executes a coup, he succeeds, he becomes the president, he shares the attendant glory, fame and security with his woman. If he fails, he dies alone. Today in Nigeria, if he acquires she comes, if he looses off she goes.
So if you do fool around, ponder a while: Why do I fool around?. And for me ....I'll keep on being me. .