Thousands of Atlantans Mistakenly Register for Peachtree Road Racists

ATLANTA–Amid the yearly scramble to obtain last-minute Peachtree Road Race entry, some would-be runners accidentally signed up as “Peachtree Road Racists” this week in a misunderstanding that took place on a busy Midtown street.

Police investigation has revealed that a local racist group, Everybody Against Everyone, which is facing declining membership, pooled their money to hire a business development agency. That agency then hired a “street team” to head out on foot into Atlanta bearing clipboards and offering to sign people up for “the Peachtree.”

The would-be runners assumed they were signing up to run in the AJC Peachtree Road Race, the most popular 10k footrace in the world, but they were in fact pledging their support for a racially charged parade down Peachtree street later this year titled “Whitey Must Go.”

Paul Scronds, an amateur runner and father of two, was taken in by the scam.

“We were tricked. We just wanted to be in the race and now we’re getting Paula Deened hardcore,” said Scronds. “I don’t want my name on some NSA or FBI or CIA or whoever list forever as a racist. We are good people.”

Burt Durtz, self-appointed Commodore of Everybody Against Everyone, said “Look you dumb honkeys, it’s not easy to be racist anymore. We have to do what we can to build up our numbers. Got it, pasteface?”

Durtz, now under scrutiny from local police and the legal representation of those taken in by their scheme, was asked to hand over his record from the event, which were then destroyed.

Editor In Chief, Founder, and Admiral of Smugness at The Atlanta Banana, Jim Hodgson has an ass for news. Follow him on twitter at @jimhodgson
He is the author of the hilarious Science Fiction novel Dangerous Dan, available now on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback.