Friday, February 20, 2009

My ex, the jackass

My ex is a jackass, which he is required to be by law. Because he is an ex. No one ever says, "My ex is a saint." Not if they have children by the man, they don't. But my ex is an over-achiever when it comes to jackassery. He is the bar to which other jackasses must measure up. He hasn't seen his daughter in over 2 years. So the other day, when he messaged me on yahoo, I decided to fuck with him. Because it amuses me.I told him that Ryan is now goth, which is kinda true. She likes to wear skulls and she does envy Abby Sciuto, but she is by no means a dedicated 24-7 goth kid. But I told him that she is, and I sent a photo of her from Halloween as proof. I also told him that she has hot pink hair now. He says he will come see her when he gets his license back, which he claims he lost due to a DUI. That's interesting, because one lonely DUI will not lose you your license in Illinois, not all by itself. He is a lying jackass. See how well he does at that?When I think about my ex I always marvel at my husband. Not just because he is a freaking god compares to the jackass, but because the jackass proves that I have no trustworthy judgment when it comes to men and therefor it is complete dumb luck that I ended up married to a decent guy. A more than decent guy, he is as close to perfect as anyone who is endlessly amused by his own gas can be. I am so lucky that he is the one who finally fell prey to my marriage nagging. I'd be a suicide statistic if any of my other boyfriends ever had.