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Monday, 15 August 2005

I don't doubt that I've delivered the same opening sentiment at thestart of several seasons. I sincerely hope you don't tire of it because itdeserves repeating and unlike many other of life's pleasures, this onedoesn't diminish with the passing of time. Having hauled my far too rapidlyaging frame up several flights of Highbury's West Upper staircase, to theconcourse where fans are supplied with refreshments and somewhere to relieveoneself of the same (in fact if it wasn't for the revenue the club mightjust as well dump one in t'other and do away with us middle men), I steelmyself for the assault on the last few stairs, before reaching the bulkhead.As with the first home game of every other season before, on stepping out onto the terrace, I never fail to be blown away by the breathtaking vista of35,000 Gooners surrounding the snooker baize like perfection of the lusciousgreen playing surface.

Even after all these years, the hairs on the back of my neck stillstand to attention in eager anticipation of the ensuing excitement.Sentimental old sop that I am, I lingered for a few moments on Sunday,soaking up the magical assault on my senses, only too aware of the poignancyof the occasion, as I drank in every last drop of that heavenly first daythrill, for the very last time at our ancestral Highbury home.

With Thierry Henry needing to hit the back of the net only four moretimes to nab Wrighty's all-time goal scoring record, hopefully there will bemore than a few 'firsts' this term. Nevertheless in truth we’re facing anentire season of 'lasts', with the club giving each home game a theme, in aneffort to ensure that each of our 19 opponents final matches at The Home ofFootball is as memorable as possible. Funnily enough it was Rona who twiggedfirst when the familiar refrain of "You'll never play here again" rang outfrom the North Bank. I know there’s the customary trouble and strife in ToonTown, but surely the Gooners singing behind the goal were watching adifferent game, since the Geordies were coping far to well to be written offso soon as relegation fodder. I felt a tad foolish when my missus pointedout that we'd be repeating this particular tune all season long, as none ofour guests are likely to play at Highbury ever again.

Sunday’s theme was 'Player's Day', but starting the season as I leftoff, it was always unlikely that we were going to arrive in time to catchthe pre-match parade of former Arsenal heroes. Still we might've had abetter chance of making it, if it wasn't for the ridiculous KO time of1.30pm. I was only just getting used to the Sky dictated 2pm and 4.05 startson Sundays. Their absolute sovereignty over the TV schedules ensures weGooners don't see a good old-fashioned 3pm game on a Saturday until endOctober! In fact this backslapping Gooner love-in proved to be a blessing.It was only as the noise of the North Bank came wafting through our openwindows, as they paid their respects to the stars of yesteryear, that thepenny dropped and it dawned on me that I might've been wrong to assume a 2pmKO.

Mind you I probably would've struggled to recognise many of them,bereft of trademark barnets' which had long since seen their last comb-overand carrying the sort of poundage that might be more suited to the rugbyscrum. However I was pleased to hear that the likes of Manu Petit made theeffort to pay homage to Highbury (although in these perfidious times onecan't help but wonder if all these ex-pros turned up gratis?)

Meanwhile in all the media (inc. our matchday programme) everyone continuesto obsess about the absence of Manu's midfield partner. Ró wasn'tparticularly enamoured with Arsène's programme notes. Perhaps the inferencein French wouldn't be the same. Yet she hardly thought he set the right tonewith his opening remark "This is the first time I've started a season atArsenal without Patrick Vieira"

There isn't a player on this planet capable of replacing our formercaptain at his formidable best. But with Paddy having performed well belowpar for the past two seasons, we've grown used to coping without thetalismanic Frenchman's more influential displays. Consequently, Wenger wouldappear to affirm that it is possibly the detrimental psychological effect ofPaddy's departure which might prove to be most problematic.

Wenger's woes don't end there. Some would contend that our managerfaces his stiffest test in the near future, as he is tasked with recreatinganother team in his image, capable of challenging Mourinho's 'loadsamoney'Chelsea. There's no suspicion that Wenger's ship is sinking, but I believewe might see a mini-exodus of "show me the money" rats following Vieira, insearch of a more buoyant vessel, before we reach the promised land of ourmagnificent new stadium - Pires, Campbell and Cole being my prime suspects.

As a result I can appreciate Arsène wanting to re-establish an air ofsecurity, by appointing a loyal and supremely respected star as his newlieutenant. If the post hadn't become available quite so prematurely, I'dhave favoured Senderos. I believe it's preferable to have a captain at theback, who's far more capable of appreciating the performance levels of histeam when they’re all playing in front of him. The Swiss youngsterundoubtedly has the required character traits and I'd be surprised if hedoesn't inherit the captain's armband at some point in his Arsenal career.

Early birds on Sunday saw Titi receive another Golden Shoe as thecontinent's joint top scorer (remarkably in the company of the same Diego'Forlorn' who was surplus to requirements at Utd), proudly displaying bothgolden boots as the first ever player to top the European scoring charts inconsecutive seasons. Some would contend that the Arsenal are so dependent onHenry that we are basically a one-man band. Aside from the fact that Titiplays with his back to his team mates for much of the match, isn't it enoughthat he already has the responsibility of winning the vast majority of theGunner's games, often almost single-handed. I find myself drawing an analogywith cricket, where assorted England batsmen have suffered a drastic loss ofform the instant they've been appointed captain. Personally I would preferfor Titi to have no such distractions from getting on and doing what he doesbest.

If I'm uncertain about Arsène's choice for the armband, I wasdownright disturbed on Sunday to see him persist with a decidedly insouciantPires in the centre of the park, subsequent to the substitutions. Sadly itcould be said that this tactic worked a treat, whereas in truth it was thearrival of the energetic Hleb and Van Persie who actually made theirpresence felt.

It will take a couple more performances for me to get my ownfootballing routine down pat. I forgot my binoculars on Sunday and it spokevolumes that these weren't necessary for me to instinctively suss that itwas our more sinner, than sinned against Swede who'd earned us the penalty.Nevertheless the 2-0 scoreline wasn't half as harsh on Newcastle asChelsea's 93rd minute winner against Wigan. What's more if ref Steve Bennetthadn't condemned us to a Toon display which was understandably lacking inambition, as a result of the rash sending-off, we might have witnessed farmore of the sort wonderful counter-attacking football seen in the build upto the 2nd goal.

Along with the Toon Army japesters, I imagine there's also a Dutchlass somewhere wondering "Hey Van Persie, I wanna knoooow, why you're not injail?" Mercifully our lad's legal wrangles don't appear to be damaging hisconcentration unduly, which might either be interpreted as a clearconscience, or alternatively he's just grateful to get involved in the game,because it's the only means of escaping his guilt! Mind you it's rich tohear the Toon army teasing, when their team is replete with its own share of'roasters' and assorted miscreants.

After the sending off saw all the life squeezed out of thisencounter, up until the 80th minute goal it was possibly the barefaced/arsed cheeks of a streaker who provided the most entertaining moments.He had a great 'craic' parading up and down the pitch, performing theextremely painful looking splits for our pleasure, whilst hundreds ofstewards and coppers merely stood watching on from the sidelines. After he'deventually had enough, he was led away, hiding his embarrassment with hiscap. I’m not sure this streakers’s badly-fitting outfit was worse than ourGerman keeper's bright orange costume. According to a pundit on the radio,Lehmann looked like he'd been 'Tangoed'!

The subsequent Chelsea performance suggests I’m not alone in lackingmatch practice. I will reserve judgement until they encounter anotherunfancied team, before daring to suggest that they might be wanting for thework-rate and commitment that was the basis for much their success. If thisisn't the case then their woeful performance against Wigan could well provethe perfect kick up the backside that might unfortunately ensure we face aclose fought battle with the Blues at the Bridge this weekend. Moreover (ifat all possible), I might be bemoaning the fact that they didn't drop acouple of points even more, if we should find ourselves approaching Xmaswith our main competition coming no closer to an equally dodgy outing.Hopefully this match might act as the inspiration for every team who mightpreviously have considered a meeting with Chelsea as mission impossible.

As far as a reaction to the ennui of the Essien saga is concerned, Ifind myself turning once again to my best “Am I bovvered?” Catherine Tateimpersonation. In my humble opinion Mourinho's team must soon reach thestage where he can't possibly improve the quality and is only addingquantity to an overstuffed squad. The Blues might’ve appeared a littlehungrier than us in the first-half at Cardiff, benefiting from thecompetition for places. Yet I'm convinced their squad must soon reach apivotal point and as their bench-warming bums begin to suffer fromsplinters, surely the law of diminishing returns must apply. In a World Cupyear where the cream of the crop will be desperate to secure a once in alifetime opportunity, some of bigger egos in their squad are bound to becomedissatisfied with the selection policy. Mourinho might well struggle to stopthe spanner of this disgruntlement from undoing all his work developing awinning mentality in the Chelsea camp.

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Hi folks

Ro and I spent much of half-time on Sunday debating how groundsman SteveBraddock had managed to produce the "Highbury 1913-2006" pattern on ourpristine playing surface in front of each of the four terraces

Watching on TV prior to heading around to Highbury, I mistakenly assumed itwas merely a screen effect, produced by Sky's techno wallahs. So it was apleasant surprise to discover it was in fact the real thing when I arrivedat the ground

Since it was the same colour as one of the four shades of green which makesup the plaid pattern of the squares on the pristine pitch (which I've alwaysassumed was merely a result of the direction in which the grass is mown),Rona reckoned it was done with some sort of stencil. However I would havethought this would merely be demolished by the mower.

At least it gave me something to contemplate other than the uninspiringfootball played on a sumptuous surface that deserved better, not to mentionmy own self-conscious appearance. I've spent the past few days doing apassable impersonation of The Pogues Shane McGowan, after one of my two topfront teeth fell out last week. Since both have been crowned, I wasn't tooconcerned until I discovered, to my horror, that most of the peg had comeaway inside it.

If there'd been any more than the tiny protruding piece of rapidly decayingtooth remaining, I might have tried to get away with super gluing it back,in an effort to avoid the dreaded dentist (as there can be few more cowardlyfolk than me when it comes to the dreaded dentist's chair). I actually dugout one of those emergency dental kits which had been collecting dust herefor decades and attempted to reattach it. But it was never going to hold

So I was forced to bite the bullet (or more accurately "suck"). Pendinggoing back to the dentis for some impressions, he tried to stick the crownback temporarily, but advised me it might not last and inevitably on Sundaymorning I ended up spitting it out with a mouthful of sarnie. To be honestit was probably the best thing because otherwise I might have kidded myselfI could get away without going back again. What's more, it's amazing theimportance of this one tooth, as without it I struggle with any word with an"F' in it and have to try to avoid dribbling every drink down my front.

So considering the pressure put on the tooth when I'm able to say my "Fs"with it in and the amount of times I had cause to curse Robert Pires'ineffective efforts on Sunday (albeit whilst still attempting in vain toencourage him out loud with a steady stream of "Allez Roberts"), doubtlessI'd have ended up losing the tooth for good, spitting it out whilst ventingmy frustrations with some choice invective :-)

Meanwhile I've been a little concerned since my ticket for next weekend'sbig game at the Bridge turned up (unlike our box of Arsenal membershipgoodies which have apparently already arrived elsewhere!). For years nowaway fans have had one of the worst and most expensive views in thePremiership with our allocation in the East Lower - which is particularlybad when everyone stands up, as I believe the shallow angle of inclineresults from them having merely plonked seats on what was once a standingterrace. And while everyone else I've spoken to appears to be sitting in theusual area, it's beginning to feel as if I'm the only Gooner with a seatbehind the goal in the Shed End

It's hardly likely but it wouldn't be much fun turning up to find I'm sat onmy tod surrounded by Blues' fans!! Obviously the media will be hyping upthis clash of the titans to the hilt. But coming so early in the season, Isuspect this match might well prove to be a massive anti-climax. My mainfear is that both teams will be desperate to avoid defeat and an earlypoints disadvantage and in so doing they might both be a little too keen tosettle for the honours even outcome of a draw.

However I am of the opinion that we might well need to gain an advantageover the Blues, because while our defence might be prone to the sort oflapses in concentration which could cost us occasional points, unlessChelsea's woeful performance against Wigan is a true reflection of theirform, rather than merely a first match of the season reminder of the focusrequired to win every week, we might be waiting for match afterdisappointing match, in hope of another equally dire display from them?

In the meantime whilst I'm waiting for this weekend's ensuing battle, ifthere are any green fingered Gooners out there (of the gardening varietyrather than any wise arse bogey men :-) with any plausible explanations forcreating this effect on the pitch, please feel free to put us out of ourignorant misery