attachment repair possibilities

06-22-2009, 12:32 PM

Dear Tricia and all,

How challenging it is, as a therapist, and a parent to address unresolved attachment wounds!

We live in a society that, over all, tends to attach value to "independence" coupled with the notion that we can create it by pushing our needs (or those of our children) aside and charging ahead. I agree with Sue Johnson (Emotionally Focused Therapy) who states that there is no such thing as independence only healthy or unhealthy dependence!

So when we've sustained emotional wounds in attachment - abandonment, rejection, neglect, etc., can we heal those wounds? Imago theory, recognizing the power of attachment needs, believes that a committed relationship within which each partner is willing to look at his/her own unresolved issues is a primary opportunity for emotional healing, and that a committed relationship provides the best opportunity to grow yourself into greater maturity.

In Imago dialogue we are assisted in moving from our projections, and out of our self-defeating patterns, toward greater consciousness and the capacity to operate with intention rather than reactively. As PARENTS, the same reactive patterns can take over. In the parenting work we do, we ask parents to differentiate from their children and take ownership of the ways we are likely to repeat the parenting patterns of our childhoods.

My experience is that the process of mirroring (which is most natural in early infancy, childhood), validating and empathizing can be a construct that can allow for repair for both parent and child!