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Saturday, January 28, 2012

Highs and Lows - Late January edition

'Cause I know you're all dying to hear about the exotic adventures we had this week...

High: Liam slept thirteen hoursstraight the other night. Thirteen. This blows his previous record of ten hours out of the water. And he might have gone longer. I woke him up at thirteen hours.

Low: Liam didn't nurse for thirteen hours the other night. For you girls who have never nursed - or you boys who never will - let me give you a quick medical lesson:

Mammary glands are full of little milk fairies. These fairies just love babies and they really want to make babies happy. They know that babies like milk. So these milk fairies study the baby closely and get a good feel for how often he wants milk. Then, when it's about time for him to get milk, even if he's no where to be seen, the milk fairies start getting all in a twitter and start jabbering at each other things like,

"Is it time yet?"
"Has anyone seen the baby?"
"What if he's been kidnapped?"
"Do we make milk yet?"
"Poor thing must be starving!"
"I'm starting some milk!"
"Me too!"
"Me too!"

And so at approximately the time the little fellow would usually wake for a nip to eat, the mammary fairies produce milk.

When junior doesn't appear, the fairies don't think, "Huh, guess we don't need milk." Instead they get all in a tizzy and start fluttering around in a panic yelling, "More milk! We need more milk! If we make it...he will come!!!"

And as there is only a finite amount of space inside the mammary fairy house, things get crowded. To the point where the fairy house is about to explode.

Did you know that mammary fairy houses stretch all the way up to the collar bone and around into the armpit? And the entire house swells painfully if the baby doesn't come drink milk.

Thus the Low.

Low: Medman had a conference at the end of the week and was gone for a couple days, livin' it up in the big city. Drinkin' Starbucks, shopping at World Market to see if he could find me some mugs (good man), eating at Chick-fil-a and Red Robin. And we were here. Bored.

High: After the first day of feeling aimless I planned about a thousand projects for the next day so I would stay entertained. And it turned in to a fun day of doing stuff with the kids that I wouldn't normally do. We painted sun catchers...

(No the playroom wasn't ransacked by ruffians searching for something very well hidden. Why do you ask?)

...played in the snow...

Well, they played in the snow. I stayed warm inside and took pictures.

Yes, I know they are pretty pathetic cars. Lame little half-wheels, small circle with a number on the side and headlights. But my kids thought they were cool, so I instantly stopped suggesting improvements. And may I highly recommend this? They thought was cool and do you see how contained they are??? It was divine.

No, I'm not letting my 5 month old watch TV. The American Academy of Pediatrics tells me this will turn his brain to mush. Well, maybe that's not what they say, I don't really know. I just googled it enough to make sure it really was the American Academy of Pediatrics instead of some other arrangement of those same words. But it's frowned upon. So, uh, this is the first time Liam's even seen the TV. Yeah.

Side note High - Liam is big enough for the exersaucer. (Please, all my friends who have degrees in child development do not tell me it's bad for him. If he reaches his second birthday and can't walk yet, I'll admit it causes him some problems. Until then I plan on continuing to use it.)

High- Liam has learned to suck his thumb! Once again I do not want to hear any nay-sayers about this. I'm talking to you, Walmart checker-lady who always tells me Belle's teeth are going to grow in three rows one behind the other all from thumbsucking. Thumbsucking is a gift from God. It may be the real reason He gave us opposable thumbs. It's not for grasping tools, people. It's so babies can self-sooth.

High - Liam started solid foods. What a big boy!

Low - This picture is proof that his olfactory sense does not work at all. Because he started solid foods and the stench from this kid's diaper at this moment was unbelievable. No, I don't know why I decided that was a good time to snap a picture. I'm surprised it didn't fog up the lens.

Alright, that's all I got. Super kid-focused and rereading this I can see that I don't seem to want anyone's opinion on my parenting.

Except here are two more cute pictures that I have hanging around and they are whining to be posted.

4 comments:

I love your Highs and Lows! The milk fairies are brilliant, and you, my friend, are hilarious. And personally, I'm not very fond of parenting advice, myself. It mostly just seems to be a tool for making women feel lousy. And to sell books.

What??What is this No TV business you speak of? Oh my Lord, next you're going to be telling me that they can't drink beer while they watch the Superbowl.When can they drink beer then, huh? Tell me that!

Whimsy-ma-who?

I'm Janice, a thirty-uh-something year old wife and mother of the three cutest children on the planet and of the cutest tiny baby saint in heaven. I like to chat with my husband, Medman, listen to the stories told by my 8-year-old son, Dalton, die laughing at the humor of my 5-year-old girl, Belle, try to keep tabs on the 3-year-old, Liam, and try to stay home as much as possible. If being a homebody were quantifiable by some chemical in the body, mine would be off the charts. When left to my own devices I like to sew, paint, read and dream of the day when I have nothing but vast open hours to write.