Wilson: How did Momica survive 50 years?

I know this only because my mother’s birthday is also Friday and occasionally over the past 28 years Momica (real name Monica) has reminded me of her shared birthday with the country music hall of famer. Garth turns 52 Friday.

Momica meanwhile hits the half century mark, so feel free Bunn-O-Matic employees to get her an “over the hill” card and/or fill her office with black balloons.

Her upcoming 50th birthday has me thinking though, how has she possibly survived that long having me as a son? She estimates I gave her 75 percent of the gray hairs currently sprouting from her scalp.

Some of those gray hairs, I’m sure, came from an encounter with my left foot during the early 1990s. I was roughly 8 years old and we were in the kitchen of our small, two-bedroom home in Kent. I’d seen a marital arts type move on television, but needed someone to hold my foot so I could test it out.

I never intended to kick her — only scare her with the wind of my super fast spin kick. Unfortunately, Momica’s jaw received the brunt end of that spin kick. To this day, her jaw makes rickety sounds when she chews food. She’s never agreed to hold my foot again.

My high school years created more gray hairs for Momica. I sustained a couple concussions during football games, missed curfews and admittedly wasn’t the most respectful teenager.

But, my college years were definitely the most stressful for Momica because — as a typical student — I listened to nobody and routinely made poor decisions.

One of those poor decisions included totaling my red Ford Ranger truck during a wreck on Highway 34 east of Afton. The wreck occurred because of a poor decision on my part and a motorist traveling with a dirty taillight. Doctors said my passenger and I were both lucky to survive the wreck.

That wreck was extra stressful for Momica, but Friday she will have survived every stressful situation my sneaky, “angel” brother Korey and I could throw at her. Thanks for enduring it all Mom and best wishes to you on your 50th birthday.