If You Left a Stun Gun on a JetBlue Flight Friday, the TSA Would Like to Speak With You

July 11, 2011

Because otherwise, it won't have a clue as to how you got a stun gun through all its ultra-clever security-checkpoint procedures.

A cleaning crew reportedly found the stun gun in a seatback pocket while tidying up a plane that had landed at Newark. The flight had originated at Logan International in Boston but had made several other stops during the day. The Newark Port Authority has turned the weapon over to the Trouser Search Administration, which said it and the FBI are jointly investigating the matter but that it was currently unclear how the device got on board.

For now, I guess we can only assume that, somewhere along the way, a 95-year-old potential terrorist's diaper went unsearched. We must close this loophole (preferably with new federal legislation making it a felony for any 95-year-old cancer patient to conceal a stun gun in his or her diaper).

"All current information indicates this is not part of an attack," an FBI agent was quoted as saying. Well, since the "current information" includes the fact that there was no attack, that seems like a pretty solid conclusion, but it's still not a very comforting statement. It is a little more comforting that we have at least finally located a team of people that is actually able to detect weapons on airplanes, and so I hereby nominate JetBlue's cleaning crew to take over the TSA.