Tag: stress reduction

You’ve chosen the right people for the job, asked them to help you in your organization or on your event & made a vow not to micromanage the very competent people under your leadership. Now, nothing to do but sit back & relax while things happen flawlessly around you, right? Uh, not so fast!

Never Make Assumptions

In the last post in this series, I warned you about the problems with micromanaging the people helping you in your organization or with your event. If an individual has never been responsible for anything before, you may intimidate or discourage them if you watch them too closely. If they are experienced, they may be insulted by you questioning them. You may think you’re helping but you might cause more problems than you prevent.

Now I am going to appear to contradict myself. While you never want to constantly question the people helping you, you must ALWAYS check in with them on a regular basis. There is a very broad line between micromanaging people & abandoning them!

Unfortunately, too many “leaders” go to one extreme or another. I’ve already discussed micromanagement. Let’s talk about abandonment. You must never assume everything flows smoothly even if you have the most experienced people helping you. Things happen. Obstacles pop up. And if you are an effective leader, not all your workers are going to be experienced. For some, this may be their first time running ANYTHING. It is important to give new people an opportunity to learn ways to serve but you can’t simply throw them in the water & encourage them to swim. While some people will call for help, others, out of embarrassment will drown quietly in the overwhelming tasks. Rather than working to create a new worker & potential leader, you might create a FORMER member of your group!

While you never want to stare over someone’s shoulder, regardless of their experience level, you do need to check in with everyone on a regular basis. Ask them how things are going. Ask if they need anything. Ask if there is anything you can do to help them. Assure them you are a,ways available if they need anything, anything at all.

It is vitally important you never assume all is well just because you aren’t hearing any complaints. Every mom knows when things are too quiet, she needs to check on the kids to see what is happening… & it usually isn’t good! Let your people do things their way without you hovering while giving them the support they need to succeed. THAT is something the entire team should be able to assume!

We all suffer from “Too Much on My Mind, Too Much to Do” Insomnia. This is so common among women. We go to bed tired, hoping we can stay awake long enough to brush our teeth & clean our face. We fall into bed, turn out the light & prepare for sleep. And immediately think of all the things we need to do the next day, the day after, later in the week, and on and on and on! YIKES!

While this article might not cure your bedtime wakefulness, it can help. Good Housekeeping offers 10 things organizers do before bed. This enables them (& you if you follow their advice) to finish a few tasks before bed, allowing them to wake up better organized in the morning with a home that is tidier! Give it a try! Enjoy!

I’m preparing to begin broadcasting A Life of Simple Joy online radio program again. Right now, I plan to do 2 programs a week: one is a Bible study Me 2.0 Upgrading to a Better Me; the other is my Life of Simple Joy program. Until the new programs begin, I’m sharing some classic episodes with you. This episode introduces the Simple Joy philosophy and offers 6 steps to help you put this philosophy to work in your life.

To download the program handout (a convenient way to follow the material & take notes), please click here: The Simple Life Handout

My darling husband, the infamous Mr. D. coined a phrase a number of years ago. He came up with this expression after observing women over an extended period of time. He believes woman (maybe not all but many of us) suffer from “chick guilt.” He says this affliction cause us to apologize profusely over things, lots of things, many of them out of our control. Someone comments that it’s raining outside & we say, “I’m sorry!” Why? Are we responsible for the rain? We do this apologizing frequently throughout the day. When I speak at conference & retreats, occasions when I spend a significant amount of time with women, I tell them about chick guilt & suggest that, over the course of the event, they listen for other women expressing chick guilt & gently, very gently call them out on it. Believe me, it is an eye opening experience! Before long, women are calling THEMSELVES out on it! But enough of that.

I bring up chick guilt as an example of how hard women tend to be on themselves. I know men can be hard on themselves but we really tend to beat ourselves up. Over the course of my adult life, I have held jobs where my co-workers were mostly men. In fact, on 2 occasions, I was the only woman in my workplace. The men I have spent time around do not beat themselves up over things. When they make a mistake, they blow it off & move on. They might apologize but then again they might not. I’m not criticizing, just making an observation. Why, you ask? Good question.

These last few days I have been rather discouraged. One of those situations where a number of things happened all at once, things that, by themselves probably would not have bothered me but occurring all in the span of a few day, well, they brought me down. This led to refection. Not a good thing when you are down. As I considered where I’ve been, where I am & where I want to be, that’s when the gloves came off & I began beating myself up. I tried to get at the heart of my problem but couldn’t… until tonight. That’s when I realized my problem was the word “Too!” I was using it much to often & in all the wrong ways.

“I’m TOO old!”

“It’s TOO late for me!”

And perhaps the very worst one:

“I’m TOO scared!”

Oh, there are more TOO statements but you get the idea & I’m not going there! Instead, I’m finding a new TOO!

“I’m TOO experienced to let anything stand in my way!”

“I have TOO much to offer women to stop now!”

“I’m TOO smart to let my fear slow me down!”

Too can be way too harsh but it can also be very uplifting. You must simply decide which too is right for you. If I can do it, you can TOO!

Today, we are celebrating my husband’s birthday. I have printed out a photo of the bicycling helmet he wants rather than buying it because I want him to get the right size. Our daughter & I have been busy so, before we head to a local restaurant for dinner, we are stopping at one of my hubby’s favorite stores to pick up one of his favorite libations. Our daughter, Katy enjoys picking out a different beer for her dad each special occasion. She know nothing about beer. Neither do I. I told her I pick the one with the best label. So far, this approach has never failed me!

Then, on to dinner. Nothing fancy. Just a local restaurant that we enjoy. We like to sit in the lounge, The Tiki Room. I haven’t baked a cake although I might pick up some cupcakes when we stop at the store on the way home.

Some of you may be shocked by our casual attitude towards birthdays. Yes, birthdays for this is the way we celebrate all three of our birthdays. Working in a church for so many years, a church that had a huge production (as in play) during Christmas & Easter made it tough for us to do much more than that. My birthday is 3 days after Christmas, Mr. D’s birthday is today & Katy’s is the beginning of April. All three more likely than not, fell during the run of the plays. And over the years, we just went with it.

Sure, there was a time when I tried to make birthdays big & elaborate because everyone said that’s what you were supposed to do. Well, I was only stressing myself out when I did that. And I learned quickly when I was stress, no one had a good time. I also found that all those people that wanted to tell me how things were “supposed” to be done never pitched in to help prepare or pay for those elaborate plans. So if I had to do the work & we had to foot the bill, we were going to do things the way we liked!

Do you feel pressured to celebrate special occasions & holidays a specific way, a way that causes you stress & costs you WAY too much money? Are you afraid to have a simple celebration, a celebration that allows YOU to enjoy yourself which in turn allows the whole family to enjoy themselves? I gave up worrying what people would think a long time ago. I gave it up right after I realized they were going to think whatever they wanted no matter what I did! Instead, I decided to do what works well for me & my family!

What works for you? Sometimes, we don’t even celebrate a birthday on the actual day! If everyone is busy, we spread the celebration out over several days. When it’s my birthday, I want the celebration to go on for days. Another good reason to keep it so simple it expectations. In the past, when I tried to create the “perfect” event, it never seemed to live up to my expectations. I always ended up disappointed. Tonight, I know our family is going to have a blast! And in a few weeks, we do it again for Katy’s birthday. And we’re going to have a blast then.

Next special event, give yourself a gift by keeping things simple enough that you can enjoy yourself. And if anyone complains, have them host the next special occasion! I find that quiets them down real fast!