Advice on Dating a Sober Guy (From a Sober Guy)

By
Carson Griffith

May 21, 2013

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Dating a dude that's sober (like, full-blown, 12-step kind) can be a challenge. But even if you can't live without your happy hours, it doesn't have to be a deal-breaker, according to a guy who has sworn off booze.

Ron, 32, has been sober for 17 months. But it's not easy being the soda drinker in a party of two. He admits while women seem on board with dating someone who doesn't drink, they don't always know what they are getting themselves into.

"I'm completely comfortable with the person I'm dating drinking, and even drinking around me," Ron says. But he also confesses that he's not okay with dating a big drinker.

Ron says there are a few rules to follow if you're considering getting into a sober/non-sober relationship, especially if the guy is relatively new to being a non-drinker—because it really makes a difference. According to Ron, the longer you're sober, the less weird you feel about not drinking when everyone else is.

First, "remember that we are always sober," he says. So if you've knocked back a bunch with your girls and then visit your sober guy, he's going to remember all the crazy, wacked-out stuff you say. And even if it's super cute (obvi), he's probably not going to be into it.

Plus, Ron admits that being around booze makes sober guys pretty uncomfortable. "We're dealing with all these issues with alcohol and it's like you're putting your own onto us," he says. "Even if it's not that deep, it goes there."

"With me, wine with dinner or a cocktail or two is fine but I'd prefer not to see a girl falling over herself," he says. "Save the party nights for your girlfriends."

That said, sometimes he just has to deal. "A big part of becoming sober is learning to live in a world that's not," he says. "And that includes dating in a world that's not."

You can plan fun dates together that don't involve booze—movie nights, cooking classes, etc.—but you shouldn't feel pressure to change your drinking habits or hide your drinking because he has a problem with alcohol.

Bottom line: You should be supportive of a guy's sobriety, but dating a sober dude doesn't mean you have to live like a nun.