Monday, July 9, 2012

Cultural Differences: Cunts and Ammo

In English speaking media markets, the sport of professional cycling continues to vie for mainstream acceptance. Sure, a few casual sports fans may turn their heads towards cycling during Tour de France time, but in order to hold their attention we need relatable riders with "hooks." Lance Armstrong had more "hook" than a bait and tackle shop thanks to the whole "ancer-cay" thing, but since then the cycling media has vainly struggled to produce a suitable replacement. Finally though, we may have found somebody in Bradley Wiggins, the guy who likes to say "cunt:"

I say they're just fucking wankers. I cannot be doing with people like that.

It justifies their own bone-idleness because they can't ever imagine applying themselves to do anything in their lives.

It's easy for them to sit under a pseudonym on Twitter and write that sort of shit, rather than get off their arses in their own lives and apply themselves and work hard at something and achieve something. And that's ultimately it. Cunts.

It's a long Tour, and in the coming weeks Wiggins's fortunes may rise or fall. Either way, I hope his use of the word "cunt" only grows more creative, and I'm looking forward to the moment when he finally starts using props to drive home his point:

("See this saddle? Now imagine it's a great big cunt. That's what you are.")

And should he actually win this thing, you can be sure Wiggins will leverage his "c" word the same way Armstrong did, after which it's only a matter of time before the wrists of Fred-dom are bejewled with CuntStrong bracelets.

Of course, it's important to keep in mind that the word "cunt" doesn't have the same connotations in Britain as it does down here in Canada's unkempt cunt. That's because Americans tend to be slightly prudish, whereas the British tend to be a bit bawdier. Just ask the cunts down on Fuckfield Lane:

Sure, it's not actually called Fuckfield, but to me the "F" is even more conspicuous in its absence. (Though that's probably because I'm a repressed and prudish American.)

Speaking of America, as a New Yorker I don't really live there, but I did have occasion to pass through it on my travels last week. Almost 200 years ago, Alexis de Tocqueville came here and wrote a book called "Democracy in America," in which he said that the aristocracy was disappearing and people were becoming more equal. (At least that's what I read on Wikipedia.) Given this, he might be surprised to learn that in the ensuing years America has scrapped the whole democracy thing and has instead embraced the feudal system. However, instead of fiefdoms comprised of big manor houses that are surrounded by serfs, we now have things called "Walmarts" that are surrounded by people who are completely underwater on their mortgages. Today, all Tocqueville would have to do would be to visit these Walmarts and they would tell him everything he needed to know about America. For example, did you know that 32ers are the new 29ers?

Well, I didn't, until I visited a Walmart:

As I stood there, I wondered why Walmart was selling bikes with giant wheels and lots of spokes, at which point someone wandered over to examine one. It was then, looking at this person, that I realized it's because the average American weighs something like 350lbs. And don't give me that nonsense about how smaller-diamater wheels are intrinsically stronger, because it's all about "angle of attack," and when a 350lb Walmart shopper is riding a 26-inch mountain bike with flat tires on a poorly-maintained sidewalk those tiny wheels are basically little better than wedges. No, the Sidewalks of Tomorrow will be full of behemoths on 32-inch department store cruiser bikes with bottle cages big enough to hold a two-liter bottle of Pepsi.

As for 29ers, it should go without saying that they're the new 26-inch:

There was a time when the notion of a department store 29er was almost as unthinkable as a department store fixie. Now, you can buy both at Walmart as easily as you can buy live ammunition:

That surprised me, as did the actual guns out of which to fire the live ammunition which were hanging right behind me. Of course, as a certified "woosie," I don't know anything about guns except that I never want to be in front of one when it goes off. That's why this thing scares the crap out of me, even though one Walmart shopper says it's a great first rifle for kids:

The Bushmaster M4A3 is a fantastic rifle to either add to a collection or for a first rifle, very easy to shoot and accurate. My fivteen year old daughter can shoot this rifle with very accurate results and loves to go out shooting it with dad, you will not be disapointed with it!I use Federal .223 ammo with brass casings and have never had a problem with it, I have had people tell me that the cheaper ammo with steele casings has jammed on them but I don't buy cheap ammo just to avoid any problems

I am sorry that you have a deep hatred for cyclists, apparently based on those who do not follow traffic rules. Honestly, they frustrate me as well.

However, before throwing assorted trash (and your phone) at me and screaming at me in the middle of the road, you might consider that I "almost hit" you because you were "running" (and I use that term generously) across the street against the signal, and I, in fact, swerved to *not* hit you. Furthermore, I was in the bike lane.

Sincerely, fuck you.

That's just a love note compared to what Bradley Wiggins would have written.

Back with a bang, so to speak. I don't know why "The Great Destroyer" has a photo of Obama on it -- if he threw assorted trash and his phone at a cyclist I think we'd hear about it. He's obviously reading the riot act to cyclist-hating bitch, but maybe "Furthermore, I Was in the Bike Lane" didn't test well as a book title.

S just out of concern, what does Cunt mean to the english?I assume it is still has some negative connotation. I understand that the english have not used the word fag to describe a cigarette for the last 40 years.

speaking of guns and cyclists - we had a race out here in the midwest (thats west of Philly for us native NY/NJers). anyways some guy in a giant suv (a true patriot) was pissed at one of us as we took up a whole lane (in the deserted two lane road). so he tries to run one cyclist off the road who predictably starts cursing and yelling at the crazy driver. who then proceeds to get out of his car brandishing a gun (also pronounced "freedom" in missouri). after the cops arrive, it turns out this fine upstanding driver is a cop as well. so nothing happens in the end. just in case you thought not prosecuting drivers who attack cyclists was a coastal thing, we have it here too!

English people have funny accents, much more so the ones born in Belgium.All he wanted to say was "you stupid... (man), can't [cunt] you watch where you're going?", but he was suffering from shortness of breath and longness of sideburns, which are chronic, I'm afraid.

Don't forget Cavendish, the other little pissy British cunt who likes swearing at the cameras. Also rather ironic that the "Man from the Isle of Man" has is ample chested baby mama handle the press cunts via twatter.

I think this review of an electronically shifting, aerodynamically enhanced commuting bike will delight you.

http://www.fexycoaching.com/blog/?p=463

The bike at least elicited the envy (disguised of course as mockery) of some fellow riders.

The electronic shifting only occasionally drops the chain. And it locks you into the small ring and a single gear in the back when it runs out of power. So the bike doubles as the world's most expensive single-speed. I'm not sure why the review rode it in a grove. Enjoy!

Yep,"Cunt" is a relatively bad word for us Brits too,but thankfully we still say what we feel and don't fall back on hypocritical "fofonoving" comments and post-pubertal outpourings of excess genital fluids.My 84 year old Cornish Grandmother calls sideburns,"Buggers Grips".and she's right.

See, I lost 18 pounds, but am still powering at TT. And my dear teammate Froome, unknown a year ago, thin as a needle, keeps up with Evans in the climbs (yesterday), and beats the reigning TT world and Olympic champions (today).

I would call Wiggins a douche, but that wanker should never be anywhere near a vagina or a cunt. It is sphincters like him that destroy and set cycling back hundreds of years. Wiggins, please go away and shut your your homely face.

I'm lovin' ALL of the comments, as well as the post. I will refrain from being a cunning linguist, except to say that those who build those walmart bikes are Considerably Underskilled Neo-Twats. And to think that I've applied there several times. Don't kids tear their own bikes apart and put them back together using parts of their sisters bikes anymore? Ya, even as an American I can say what a trippy country this is. Still, gotta relve in the wierdness.

I have to disagree with bgw - in my part of the UK "cunt" is really quite naughty, to the extent that it cannot be uttered on UK TV till after 9pm. Yeah, it's that bad. Despite it being slang for the female genitalia, when used as a perjorative it is almost always directed at males. Criticising Wiggins for his outburst in reply to a particularly daft and provocative question, though, is in my opinion a bit of a cunt's trick.

...anon 2:57am...cute, funny...& ya, when i use it, it's directed at guys...

...used it the other night...young guy, 30-ish, did something stupid so i "wtf"-ed him & he threw the usual "fuck you, dude" back, so i gave him my best' hard man stare', glaring straight in his eyes & spit out "you're a fucking cunt" with as much vehemence as i could muster...

...worked 'cuz it stopped there but i'm prob'ly lucky i didn't get my ass kicked...no doubt about it...

Allright, just to squash the conTROVersy... The Box(Cat?) just smelled so bad that I opened it up Sunday night. Certain healment advocates will probably be glad to learn that the box simply contained a tin of punctured tuna fish.

I don't think so... I think cunts kinda stick around while spondees benefit from a sort of monumental longevity. This, of course, excludes monumental cunts.

I'd also like to postulate that 32"ers are nothing more than a red blooded virulent sexy and relevant American response to those goddamn French using the Kilometer to measure these races! And I don't say that to be racist! They're just wrong!

It's just that competitors should be measured on their race first, phrenology next and after that if their... you know, subversive.

Wal Mart is an alternate universe that sane people really should not visit. It's unhealthy on so many levels, but mostly it's just too fucking depressing. Also it's run by greedy cunts who would sell their grandmothers if they could.

In English speaking media markets, the sport of professional cycling continues to vie for mainstream acceptance. Sure, a few casual sports fans may turn their heads towards cycling during Tour de France time, but in order to hold their attention we need relatable riders with "hooks.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!