Thursday, May 31, 2012

Top Four (Worst) Video Game Worlds To Live In

#4 Pikmen (Wherever You Crash Land/Live) - Would you want to live in a world where everything is giant and nothing is friendly except for tiny, colorful, noseless people that do whatever you tell them to, and you live in constant fear of being killed by some strange creature? Or would you like to be one of those puny people, devoting your life to a stranger dressed as an astronaut, and being put into harm’s way nearly 24/7? No. No you wouldn’t.

#3 Any Superhero Game Ever (Any Superhero World Ever) - If there are superheroes, then there are super villains, too. Sure Batman, Spiderman, and the rest of the spandex clad, overly muscled men and women out there have saved a lot of innocent people over the years, but a lot of civilians have died too. If you are a “damsel in distress” you are as likely to be killed as you are to be saved. Either way, there is always going to be crazy stuff going on in the world and there will always be a new villain waiting to run amuck as soon as the last one is tossed into a high security prison somewhere, assuming they don’t escape from said prison.

#2 Mass Effect (The Universe)- The galaxy is at war and if you haven’t personally been decimated by the Reapers, then someone you know has. All organic life (and some synthetic life) is throwing everything it has in one last ditch effort, suicide mission style assault to save everyone and rid themselves of the Reapers. It all comes down to the decision made by one man/women, Commander Shepard. They decide whether to control the Reapers and send them away, destroy all inorganic life forever, or permanently blend all inorganic and organic life into sentient, cyborg-like beings. No matter which option they choose, the mass relays (the way everyone travels through the galaxy) will be destroyed, millions of people will be stranded, and millions more will die. The worst part? Some stranger gets to decide your future and you have no say whatsoever. Maybe if Shepard had more choices *wink wink, then maybe things wouldn’t be so bleak.

#1 Diablo (Sanctuary) - Despite the name “Sanctuary” this Earth-like world is all but peaceful. Not long after its creation, its people had their magical abilities taken away by the powers of heaven and hell. Then angels and demons fought over Sanctuary for the loyalty of its people. Eventually Diablo and his brothers were banished from hell and chose to ravage Sanctuary. Years after they were captured and locked away in soul stones, Diablo was released again, wrecking havoc on everything in his path. A few years later and Diablo was at it again, releasing his brothers along the way. Fast forward two decades and Sanctuary was once again under attack by the likes of hell with humanity’s existence at stake. While in Sanctuary you’d likely be living in a little town with the armies of hell in your backyard. If you think that sounds crappy, imagine all of that happening while living in Sanctuary’s equivalent to the Middle Ages. Diablo; fun to play not to live.

Missed The Cut - Rampage (Earth) - It would indeed be quite terrible to live in a world where every major city is constantly being attacked by giant lizards, apes, and rats.