ADVENTURES IN WRITING! Operating from Northern Indiana, this blog will cover aspects of culture with a bent on humor and the relentless belittling of the mainstream media, politics, and the syphilitic GOP (both major parties). News analysis happens. Put on your adult diapers, this gwine'-a'-be a bourgeois hoot. Some much needed hilarity for working class North Americans and international readers. I'm the part of this human world that bites back. Let's roll.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Amazon.com--Didja know they sold this stuff? I didn't! A sweet, pretty-lady I know told me about this (as they are sometimes wont to do!). It's rare that I buy anything from them, as they give tons of money to the GOP (ebay does too, but that's another story). Oddly, they don't sell porn, but it must be something to do with liability. If someone sold even one VHS tape or DVD with someone under the age of 18 in it, it would be pretty serious and actionable. They would definitely get their butts sued off.

But get this: butt-plugs, vibrators, dildos, etc. . All under "Health & Personal Care." And I thought it was supposed to make hair grow on your palms, and wings to sprout on your back. I guess those religious-folks lied to me. Here's a customer review excerpt for the Doc Johnson "Mr. Softee" dildo:

"This is the perfect heft.... Just heavy enough to be a real dick and all that it needs to be. It is just the right size and shape. The veins and bumps replicate the feeling of a healthy large erect dick."

Now, honestly, how do you top a review like that?! Impossible. If only all the other products that are churned-out in our terminal-capitalist hell did humanity this proud, we'd be in heaven. It's not a new theme, I know, but it's one that deserves some attention--machines of pleasure. After all, the Left should present a sexier image than the wrong. Considering Mark Foley is their poster boy(fondler), it shouldn't pose any problems.

Somehow, I think many of you will be rushing to Amazon.com moments after reading this. I can imagine sociologists and the Kinsey Institute (here in Indiana) are watching these products and comments, they'd be remiss not to. Besides, they're entertaining as hell. There are over 12,000 of these products on Amazon.com alone, so imagine the multiplicity on the entire internet. Does Public Citizen rate the safety of these things? They should. Check this one on the "Doc Johnson i-Vibe Rabbit, Vibrator":

"[W]hen you use this product, [I] swear, you will be screaming, but not because you hate it. [T]his product is everything it says it is and [I recommend] this product to anyone and everyone who wants a fantastic orgasm."

Now how can have a better rating for any product? It appears many of the ladies are also tired of putting-up with an asshole just to have some pleasure. Frankly, it's better to be single, having casual relationships rather than having to endure the neuroses of somebody else. For all the talk that we're an "increasingly atomized society," I say: "So what?" If most people are crooks and liars to each other community isn't possible anyway, let alone intimacy. Community brought us the witch hunts and so much more.

Perhaps what many are saying is that they don't like modernity with its smashing of ossified traditions. I am the one, orgasmatron! Nah, it's just for someone's "back-muscles"...