Day 06 → Something I Hope I Never Have To Do

30 Days Of Truth

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do

Without hesitation the one thing that I hope I never have to do is bury one of my children. To me that by far would have to be the worst kind of pain any parent could endure.

Being pregnant was one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever known. Feeling them moving inside of me and knowing that I was carrying about within me a life, fully dependent on me for survival, was beyond words. I knew the personalities of each child before they were born. I knew Michael was laid back and easy going like me, almost boardering on sheer laziness. I knew Liesl was going to be like her daddy, unable to sit still and full of energy. I was very in tune to their movements and activities. Michael was a night owl in the womb, most active when I was sleeping…well trying too. Liesl was far more active when I was active, and seemed to be more restful when I was asleep. That is how they are even now, he is 3rd shift and prefers to be up at night, she is a sleeper at night and all energy all day like her father.

I knew them before anyone else, as they grew and developed before birth, and no one knows them like their parents do as kids grow up. They are our pride and joy, pain and heart ache, and nothing can ever replace them.

Kids are supposed to grow up, get married or not, have kids of their own or not, but they are supposed to live long and healthy lives and it is us that depart first, at least as it should be. I’ve seen friends bury their children and cannot begin to imagine their pain.

To me, losing a child at any age, would by far be the one thing I hope I never have to do.

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6 thoughts on “Day 06 → Something I Hope I Never Have To Do”

I have chills reading this. I read a blog about a woman who lost her daughter. I cry almost every time and can’t imagine what the pain would be like. I have lost my mother and don’t ever want to do that to my children either…it makes me weep to think about either scenario. My heart bleeds for anyone who has to deal with the unthinkable.

The 2 biggest fears of my life since the first day I found out I was pregnant. To lose a child or to die and leave them behind. Now my older 2 are “adults’ I don’t fear leaving them because they are amazing. But with the youngest only 9. Everyday I wake up and think, we are here, we are lucky. I have sadly had way too many friends lose a child. There is no right thing to say, there is not right way for them to act. Grief is a personal thing and everyone handles it their way. One thing remains, we were all here, we were all loved, we will all be remembered/

I do know the pain of having 2 of my sons pass . Its a pain so deep and it does not go away. I just learned to go on without showing the world how I feel and my pain.
People don’t understand and I am not going to cry on your shoulder when I see you,I won’t sit there with my head down .
I may laugh and talk about happy things but don’t think for a minute my sons aren’t on my mind! They are and always will be!
I am upset because I went to a baby shower for one of the guys (his wife) in the neighborhood ,even his Mom calls me “his other Mother”!! I knew most of the woman ,our children growing up together . It was one of the first times I have gone out .
I talked ,laughed with the other woman . It was a Baby Shower!
When I was leaving a woman (I don’t bother with because she isn’t nice)came up and said to me ” You don’t act like you lost 2 sons”
I was dumbfounded!
All I said was “What are you talking about”?
I left.

Some people are ignorant and don’t realize that I will live with this pain everyday of my life!

Some people cannot fathom that while we carry pain in our hearts we are still able to laugh and enjoy life, that the heart is very large and can carry many things both good and painful at the same time. And some are just idiots!