What is your gardening dirty secret?

We all have deep dark horticultural secrets. Deny it all you want, but I know you have skeletons in your gardening closet even if you don’t realize it yourself. For some, it is that jug of glyphosate hiding in the garage. For others, it is that patch of invasive English Ivy growing on their fence. Or maybe it is that garden writer who’s garden doesn’t quite look like how a garden writer’s yard “ought” to look. Note to self: delete that previous sentence before submitting to the editor.

So what are my deep dark secrets? Personally, I consider them “truth bombs” but most of you will probably not agree with me. Anyway, here they are.

Darren’s Dark Secret Number One: Blue Star Juniper is awesome! Now I know some of you are quietly thinking to yourselves that this doesn’t count as a secret. In a way you’re right. But I have encountered many in the horticultural trade who cannot stand it.

I suspect some of the antipathy towards Blue Star Juniper stems from a general view of junipers as “common” or just “filler” plants. It is one of those plants I call “fast food plants.” Everyone (myself included) talks about how bad fast food is healthwise, but we all still eat it occasionally. Blue Star Juniper is commonly sold at nurseries because people buy it.

The reality is Blue Star Juniper (Juniperus squamata ‘Blue Star’) is a good plant! Properly planted and cared for, it is a good performer, has few significant problems, and is a brilliant, silvery blue. It has been in cultivation for decades because it has good garden qualities. Perhaps it shouldn’t be reviled by anyone?

Darren’s Dark Secret Number Two: Mahonia is not awesome. I’ve confided in a few people about my lack of love for some species of Mahonia, particularly those species with compound leaves. “Compound” leaves are those that have two or more blades per leaf as opposed to a single blade in “simple” leaves. I love the simple-leaved mahonias, but those with compound leaves grate on my nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard.

I’ve no logical reason to loath mahonias. They have good horticultural qualities. Pretty yellow spring flowers provide early nectar for local hummingbirds. Often they will rebloom in late summer and are generally a drought-tolerant plant that is a great evergreen choice for low-maintenance gardens or gardeners with brown thumbs.

So why do I hate compound-leaved mahonias? I personally just find them incredibly ugly, and all their good qualities don’t make up for it in my mind. So maybe I should follow my own advice with the Blue Star Juniper and not hate a plant that has many good qualities. No. You can’t make me. All you can do is plant mahonia just to spite me.

Darren’s Dark Secret Number Three: We shouldn’t be spraying pesticides in our gardens and landscapes. And by “we” I mean “you.” “I” know what I’m doing if you’ll pardon my completely unjustified smugness.

Ha! You thought I was going to go on about environmental responsibility. In a way, I am actually, but this subject wouldn’t qualify as a deep, dark secret if that was my sole reasoning. No, much of non-agricultural pesticide pollution is due to improper use of garden chemicals.

That improper use is largely from people who don’t know or don’t care how to do it properly. Hence, my stance on “you” applying pesticides. Yes, I wrote “hence.” I’m hoping it will distract you from shooting me angry emails for mostly unintentionally insulting your pesticide application skills.

Many factors affect how pesticides behave and move in our environment. That subject alone would take at least two or three articles to barely begin to cover. Knowing how environmental factors affect pesticides is crucial. Many chemicals applied in the rain will wash away. Some applied when the temperature is too high will damage your plants or pets.

Human factors come into play, too. Incorrect diagnosis of garden problems results in pesticides being pointlessly put into the environment. Application of excess herbicide “for good measure” to make sure your weeds stay dead is wasteful, illegal and won’t work any better than following the label instructions.

So if you do opt to apply pesticides in your garden or landscape, please, please, please follow the label, make a proper diagnosis, educate yourself on pesticide use, and above all, consider non-chemical alternatives. However, if you want to spray weed-killer on your mahonias, I wouldn’t object too much.

Darren spends much of his time at the Bloedel Reserve scowling at mahonias. When not plotting their extinction, he can be reached at pnwbotany@gmail.com.

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