In addition to several witty cats and One Direction fans the world over, I follow a lot of scientists on Twitter. I have a sincere and compelling interest in learning about the latest scientific breakthroughs of our day and consider scientists some of the most important members of our society when it comes to progressing as a species, both here on Earth and as we reach deeper into the abyss of outer space. Also, some scientists are looking damn fly. (Elon Musk, call me?)
A lot of people talk about Richard Dawkins being controversial, but do a lot of them talk about him being a STONE FOX? The renowned atheist and asshole (the two being unrelated, just co-existing in this particular man) Richard Dawkins has recently come out with an autobiography about his journey to becoming a scientist and I couldn't even tell you the title because I was too busy ogling the picture on the front cover but you can read the cover yourself if vaguely mean-spirited but brilliant scientists are also your thing.

Now, my relationship (and by "relationship" I mean "my personal feelings about a person who has no clue who I am cause he is a famous scientist and I am a soon-to-be-partially-employed goofus") is complicated. I read The God Delusion three months before attending Divinity School and was like "Oh shit, this sexy piece might be right. There goes a few tens of thousands of dollars. Ehhh, YOLO." Except I didn't say "YOLO" at the time cause it was 2010 and YOLO hadn't been invented yet. And then when I saw pictures like this, it was just over:

Look at all the science he is doing! I can't even imagine what that contraption does but I bet it detects genes and I don't know, conjures the ghost of Charles Darwin. Wait, that's magic, not science. Scratch that. Anyway, homeboy looked good. The problem is that Richard Dawkins is kind of a woman hater and an Islamophobe.

Why must you be like that, Mr., excuse me, Dr. Dawkins? Why can't you be like this:

What you are super good at is investigating things in tiny jars to uncover the secrets of our evolutionary past, not getting in Twitter fights with religious people and women. You are far too accomplished to degrade yourself like a common Millennial. Now get back to those tiny jars and find the Sexy Gene.

This may surprise you, but this isn't the first time I've had a crush on a real asshat. But there is hope for me yet. Some Google perusing brought me upon these photos of another Twitter scientest (Twienstist? Scientweeter?) that is actually super diplomatic, kind, and doesn't say mean and ridiculous things. Neil deGrasse Tyson, if you're reading this (you aren't), call me.