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Helping a Family Member Who Has PTSD

Topic Overview

When someone has
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it changes
family life. The person with PTSD may act differently and get angry easily. He
or she may not want to do things you used to enjoy together.

You
may feel scared and frustrated about the changes you see in your loved one. You
also may feel angry about what's happening to your family, or wonder if things
will ever go back to the way they were. These feelings and worries are common
in people who have a family member with PTSD.

It is important to
learn about PTSD so you can understand why it happened, how it is treated, and
what you can do to help. But you also need to take care of yourself. Changes in
family life are stressful, and taking care of yourself will make it easier to
cope.

How can I help?

You may feel helpless, but there
are many things you can do. Nobody expects you to have all the answers.

Here are ways you can help:

Learn as much as you can about PTSD. Knowing
how PTSD affects people may help you understand what your family member is
going through. The more you know, the better you and your family can handle
PTSD.

Offer to go to doctor visits with your family member. You can
help keep track of medicine and therapy, and you can be there for
support.

Tell your loved one you want to listen and that you also
understand if he or she doesn't feel like talking.

Plan family
activities together, like having dinner or going to a movie.

Take a
walk, go for a bike ride, or do some other physical activity together. Exercise
is important for health and helps clear your mind.

Encourage
contact with family and close friends. A support system will help your family
member get through difficult changes and stressful times.

Your family member may not want your help. If this
happens, keep in mind that withdrawal can be a symptom of PTSD. A person who
withdraws may not feel like talking, taking part in group activities, or being
around other people. Give your loved one space, but tell him or her that you
will always be ready to help.

How can I deal with anger or violent behavior?

Your family member may feel angry about many things. Anger is a normal
reaction to trauma, but it can hurt relationships and make it hard to think
clearly. Anger also can be frightening.

If anger leads to violent
behavior or abuse, it's dangerous. Go to a safe place and call for help right away. Make sure children are in a safe place as well.

It's hard to talk to someone who is angry. One thing
you can do is set up a time-out system. This helps you find a way to talk even
while angry. Here's one way to do this.

Agree that either of you can call a time-out
at any time.

Agree that when someone calls a time-out, the
discussion must stop right then.

Decide on a signal you will use to
call a time-out. The signal can be a word that you say or a hand
signal.

Agree to tell each other where you will be and what you
will be doing during the time-out. Tell each other what time you will come
back.

While you are taking a time-out, don't focus on how angry
you feel. Instead, think calmly about how you will talk things over and solve
the problem.

After you come back:

Take turns talking about solutions to the
problem. Listen without interrupting.

Use statements starting with
"I," such as "I think" or "I feel." Using "you" statements can sound
accusing.

Be open to each other's ideas. Don't criticize each
other.

Focus on things you both think will work. It's likely you
will both have good ideas.

Together, agree which solutions you will
use.

How can I communicate better?

You and your family
may have trouble talking about feelings, worries, and everyday problems. Here
are some ways to communicate better:

Be clear and to the point.

Be
positive. Blame and negative talk won't help the situation.

Be a
good listener. Don't argue or interrupt. Repeat what you hear to make sure you
understand, and ask questions if you need to know more.

Put your
feelings into words. Your loved one may not know you are sad or frustrated
unless you are clear about your feelings.

Help your family member
put feelings into words. Ask, "Are you feeling angry? Sad?
Worried?"

Ask how you can help.

Don't give advice
unless you are asked.

If your family is having a lot of trouble talking things
over, consider trying
family therapy. Family therapy is a type of counseling
that involves your whole family. A therapist helps you and your family
communicate, maintain good relationships, and cope with tough emotions.

During therapy, each person can talk about how a problem is affecting the
family. Family therapy can help family members understand and cope with PTSD.

Your health professional or a religious or social services
organization can help you find a family therapist who specializes in
PTSD.

How can I take care of myself?

Helping a person
with PTSD can be hard on you. You may have your own feelings of fear and anger
about the trauma. You may feel guilty because you wish your family member would
just forget his or her problems and get on with life. You may feel confused or
frustrated because your loved one has changed, and you may worry that your
family life will never get back to normal.

All of this can drain
you. It can affect your health and make it hard for you to help your loved one.
If you're not careful, you may get sick yourself, become depressed, or burn out
and stop helping your loved one.

To help yourself, you need to
take care of yourself and have other people help you.

Care for yourself

Don't feel guilty or feel that you have to
know it all. Remind yourself that nobody has all the answers. It's normal to
feel helpless at times.

Don't feel bad if things change slowly. You
cannot change anyone. People have to change themselves.

Take care
of your physical and mental health. If you feel yourself getting sick or often
feel sad and hopeless, see your doctor.

Don't give up your outside
life. Make time for activities and hobbies you enjoy. Continue to see your
friends.

Take time to be by yourself. Find a quiet place to gather
your thoughts and "recharge."

Get regular
exercise, even just 10 minutes at a time. Exercise is
a healthy way to deal with stress.

Eat healthy foods. When you are
busy, it may seem easier to eat fast food than to prepare healthy meals. But
healthy foods will give you more energy to carry you through the
day.

Remember the good things. It's easy to get weighed down by
worry and stress. But don't forget to see and celebrate the good things that
happen to you and your family.

Get help

During
difficult times, it is important to have people in your life who you can depend
on. These people are your support network. They can help you with everyday
jobs, like taking a child to school, or by giving you love and understanding.

This information does not replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise, Incorporated disclaims any warranty or liability for your use of this information. Your use of this information means that you agree to the Terms of Use.