Commencement Ceremony

Red

Join the City Council and your fellow citizens as we usher in
Normalville's 100th birthday with a bang! (Bring an umbrella,
the forecast calls for showers.)

Transcript of the commencement:

Casting:
Chris - Mayor
Greg - Entertainment Director
Roger - Johnny Plotdevice
Tanis - Treasurer
Dan - Anonymous Criminal
Nori - Random Councilwoman
Ann, Dave S, Kiran, Derek - Meteorite pelters
MAYOR: Hello, everyone! It's great to see everybody here. I know
you've been waiting all year for this weekend, and so without further
adieu, on behalf of myself, Mayor Chris Morse, as well as some of the
members of the Normalville City Council, I'd like to welcome you to
Normalville's Centennial Celebration! [wild applause seeded by City
Council]
MAYOR: It's hard to believe that for a hundred years, this city has
prospered and thrived with no pollution!
COUNCIL: Yay!
MAYOR: No unemployment!
COUNCIL: Yay!
MAYOR: No crime!
COUNCIL: Yay!
MAYOR: And none of the other awful problems that make other towns far
from normal. The City Council and I have been working for months to
make this the biggest and best celebration in the history of
Normalville, and we hope you will participate in the exciting events
we have planned. For more on that, here's the weekend's Entertainment
Director, Councilman Greg Pliska.
GREG: Thanks, Chris. The City Council should be passing around
schedules describing six exciting events, including this one, to which
we are cordially inviting all of you. In addition to celebrating our
hundred years of normality, we're also celebrating the spirit of unity
and cooperation this weekend, and at many of these events we hope you
will show that spirit and come together as a city.
MAYOR: Thanks, Greg. So thank you all for coming and well see--
JOHNNY: (running in) STOP EVERYTHING!
MAYOR: Why, it's the city Meteorologist...
COUNCIL: Dr. Johnny Plotdevice!
JOHNNY: A meteor shower has struck Normalville! Brightly glowing
meteorite shards have landed all over the city, and they're having
terrible inexplicable effects!
MAYOR: What kind of effects?
JOHNNY: Pollution is rising!
COUNCIL: Oh no!
JOHNNY: Unemployment is rising!
COUNCIL: Oh no!
JOHNNY: And diabolical criminals are running amok and victimizing the
city!
[Diabolical laughter from balcony]
CRIMINAL: Hahahahaha! I'm running amok and victimizing the city. Take
that, Normalville! (he runs off)
GREG: Dr. Plotdevice, what can we do?
JOHNNY: Well, six meteorites of different colors have broken into
shards. If we had some helpers who could walk around the city picking
up the meteorite shards and safely removing them, things might get
back to normal.
MAYOR: Is it hard to safely remove a meteorite shard?
JOHNNY: It's about as hard as solving a puzzle.
MAYOR: Well, that's not so bad. What do you say, citizens? Will you
help us? [Hopefully everybody says yes or cheers. If they say no, we
go home.]
MAYOR: All right! There's safety in numbers, so we'll go out there in
teams. So we can keep track of you, each team needs to get a username
and password from Ray Jones, our comptroller, before you leave. And if
you don't have a team, come talk to us and we'll try to get you set up
with one for the weekend.
Once you get started, we'll give you a map of the city with the
meteorite shard locations labeled on it. Now, the shards are large and
extremely dangerous, so you won't be able to pass a location
containing a shard until you've removed it.
JOHNNY: And according to my legion of science advisors, it might pay
to analyze the shards of each colored meteorite as a group. If you do
so and discover what might be an answer to our problems, make sure you
contact the City Council for further instructions.
GREG: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What about the Centennial
Celebration events? We've worked hard on them, and I'm not going to
let some silly rocks from space get in the way!
MAYOR: That's a good point. I suppose we could provide some sort of
safe transportation over the shards for the Centennial
events. Treasurer O' Connor?
TREASURER: Yo.
MAYOR: Do we have enough money to provide buses made out of lead to
transport hundreds of people five times this weekend?
TREASURER: Dude, we haven't had to fight any crime, pollution, or
employment for the last one hundred years. We've got tons of money.
MAYOR: Well, then, it's settled. Remove as many of those meteors as
you can, and we'll see you at the next Centennial event at six o'
clock sharp. (Nori raises her hand)
Oh yes, question?
NORI: Mr. Mayor, if the meteorites have struck the rest of the city,
why haven't they hit us here in the town square, where we're right out
in the open?
(Everyone looks confused for a moment)
COUNCIL: Look out!!!!!!
(Meteors)

Unfortunately, the ceremonies were marred by a freak meteor shower,
pummelling Normalville! Several meteors fell on the ceremony,
labelled as follows: