February 6, 2013

when life and death really gets complicated

Death of a loved one even when that person is an older person can be particularly hard; especially with the complex issues and circumstances of my dear friend and his family.

He was terribly sick man who literally sacrificed his personal health and ultimately his life to care for his ailing wife in their home with his own two hands. He adored her and she him for over sixty years, what a lovely relationship they had.The thought of being parted was just to much for either of them. She has the beginning signs of dementia and is now being cared for very well at a small assisted living facility and is doing OK sigh...

Sad isn't it? Well it gets sadder. Their middle son to whom they are estranged could not be located, not even to tell him his dad had passed or that his mother is in a home. I couldn't begin to explain to you why things like this happen and it wouldn't be my place to. All I can say it the relationship was very troubled and he shouldn't have had to die with that unresolved weighing heavy on his spirit. He and his wife have two other grown children a daughter and son both with profound disabilities.

After a week of, driving, meetings, organizing paperwork, lawyers, lots of wine and many tears we think we have a plan that will care for our dear friend his wife and see to the continued care of their two adult kids.

My friends who I went on the trip with Melissa and Flora along with myself are sharing the responsibility for the family members. Mel is caring for the health, finances of the widow, she has a great responsibility which includes a trust for the wife and kids.

My best friend Flora will be the guardian of the adult son who is roughly sixty and resides in a private home for handicapped adults.

And similarly I have to privilege of assuming (with the courts permission) the guardianship of their daughter who is approaching her fiftieth birthday and also resides in a private home as well.

We've known each other for over thirty years so we anticipate everything should proceed smoothly however prayers that everyone's health be sustained and that all the court related issues will go smoothly would be so very much appreciated.

My next post will be about the weeks trip, it was a doozy!

I'm breathing I'm breathing.....

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Oh Jen, I'm sorry about your friend's passing, but I admire you and your friends for rallying around him and helping take care of his family left behind. Such an honorable thing to do! So sad about the middle son; such complex family dynamics sometimes.

Nice to see and hear from you again Jen. Sounds like a hectic week but one that you will hold in your heart forever. What a compassionate gesture you and your friends have offered this ailing woman.Don't get bogged down with the 'rift' that the son and parents had. That is something he will have to deal with....if ever. Your energies are best spent and focused on the others.Yes, breathing in and breathing out and stopping/pausing and and recognizing that you are doing this. It works.take care of yourself, Jen.Jim

How aqmazing hat friends have all got together to take over this families care. You and your friends are wonderful Jen. What would have happened to them without you all? As you say keep breathing and taking things one step at a time and don't forget to look after yourself too,you are important.

so sorry to read all this. What a tragic situation. How kind that you are helping in so many ways. Life seems so unfair at times, and the heart just breaks. I'm late getting around blogs lately, and I pray things have improved for your friends at this point. God bless you for your compassion and commitment to this family.