10 Useful Tips for Buying Your First Vibrator, Dildo, or Bullet

Congratulations, you’re about to join the very large club of happy men and women. But first, let's look at everything you need to know befor you go to the store.

1. SIZE MATTERS

And not in the “Go big or go home” sort of way. It’s more about the girth/thickness. And, in my opinion, it's more important than length – because those extra inches won’t mean much if the stretching is uncomfortable.

There is an “average” size - most run between 1-2 inches in diameter, so break out your ruler and see what you would be comfortable with.

NOTE: Keep in mind that every woman/man is different. So "average" sizes should be taken with a grain of salt.

Your best bet is to do a comparison of your past experiences and think which penis felt the best. Was it slim or the width of a coke can? Maybe somewhere in between?

If you’re not sure, I would suggest going for something on the thinner side the first time.

After you figure that out, then you can think about how long you want it.

2. KNOW YOUR ORGASMS

There’s a reason the most popular toys are rabbit vibrators – most women can’t reach orgasm through penetration and need clitoral stimulation.

If that’s the case, make sure your purchase has the extra arm. There is also the option of something with bumps or texture. Also, don't forget straight-up clit vibrators or magic wands. These don't require insertion and might be more first-time-user friendly.

3. SHAPE AND STYLE

Nope, they’re not just straight shafts. There are:

G-spot toys (which have a slight curve or bump at the end)

Vibrators (dildos that buzz)

Eggs (tiny vibrators)

Rabbit vibrators (which have a clitoral arm as well as the shaft)

Strap-Ons (not the harness, but the actual dildo, which should have a special flared base to fit in the O-ring)

Strapless (like a strap on but without the harness)

Porn StarMolded (yep you can get copies of some guy’s shlong)

Double Ended (for fun with a partner)

Squirting (some have tubes that shoot out fake semen)

DIY (Clone-A-Willy makes kits to mold your man’s cock)

If you want a sex toy that works with a smartphone, check these out...

The sex toy industry isn’t as regulated as you would think, and there’s a lot of stuff out there that will do terrible things to your body.

You’ll want to stick to safer materials like:

Medical grade stainless steel

Medical grade silicone

Wood or ceramic that is properly sealed

Well-crafted soda lime or borosilicate glass (with few stress points)

ABS (hard) plastic is also okay.

All of these materials are non-porous and therefore won’t retain any of the liquids, fluids, bacteria etc. that could get left behind or develop on the toy (yes, your toy can grow mold if you don’t take care of it properly).

Silicone is known to have different smoothness to their finishes. A little “drag” is normal and can be fixed by adding a little lube (which is a good idea with all insertable toys).

The material also ties in with how firm, rigid, and flexible the toy can be, which, in turn, affects how it feels. This is another area that lands within “personal preference”. If you have no idea, go for something in the middle range.

5. BE AWARE OF WATER

Splash-proof, waterproof, and water resistant. You’ll hear all these terms thrown around the description section of most toys.

Waterproof is the only option that can be submerged entirely. The rest can only get splashed on (like in the shower).

You’ll also need to be more careful cleaning them because if water gets inside, it could destroy the internal components. Solid toys with no electrical parts obviously won’t have this issue.

You could get freaky and try a mythical creature dildo

6. VIBRATOR BASES

It’s worth mentioning the bottom of the toy.

There are suction cup options if you want to stick it to a wall, floor, or in the shower.

However, if you want a toy for anal play, it MUST have a flared base so it doesn’t get lost up the colon. No flared base = no butt play.

Also, if it takes batteries, double check the cap/lid comes off easily and seals well enough to make it at least splashproof.

7. BUY FROM REPUTABLE SELLERS

This means not Ebay or Amazon. These two places are ripe with knockoffs that advertise certain materials and quality etc. but 90% of the time don’t deliver.

Case in point: I bought a set of Duotone kegel balls that claimed they were 100% silicone … and they melted like a snowman in a furnace when I put them to the flame test. Fail.

I also have heard horror stories of some returned toys being … resold. You won’t have to worry about something like that from big name brands like Svakom, Leaf, Lovense, or Hitachi etc.

If it's super cheap, it's probably crap. So don't be surprised when it falls apart after 1-2 uses.

If it’s a well-known brand sold out of a not-well-known site, it might be a knockoff (might not, you can always contact the manufacturer and make sure the seller is accredited.)

It all comes down to how much money you want to blow on your first toy. It could be devastating to drop two hundred bucks just to hate the thing.

The good news, there are PLENTY of middle range toys that will only run you around $60.

9. VIBRATOR MOTORS

Vibrations are a personal thing … what works for one person might not work for another. Person A might love the lightest of tickles, while Person B could prefer deep rumbles.

In general, larger motors will provide better, deep, rumbly sensations (which most people prefer). However, they can be intense for newbies. Smaller motors will be cheaper but not perform as well - or as long.

Also, it's SO important to read the instruction booklet! Most people don't bother, and you could be missing some important info on extending the life of your toy.

FOR EXAMPLE: Did you know that leaving your toy un-charged for several months can do serious harm to your toy?

The biggest thing to remember is that no toy will last forever. It will eventually break down. That's just a fact.

10. OTHER THINGS TO REMEMBER

Is there a warranty? What does it cover?

For example...

I bought a wearable Je Joue with long distance pen remote, and the woman said that the toy had a 1-year money back guarantee.

I tried it, hated it, and brought it back 2 weeks later. They then said, “Sorry, we can’t take it back. The toy might be covered, but the pen remote takes batteries and those only have a 1-week return policy).