George Wendt’s Monologue

George Wendt’s Monologue

…..George Wendt…..Francis Ford Coppola…..Terry Sweeney

George Wendt: Thank you. I have to say, this has really been a hectic week for me, quite a contrast from the last few months, you know, when I’ve basically just been sitting around on a bar stool drinking beer all day. Then, of course, before that, I was working very hard on “Cheers”..

Francis Ford Coppola: [ offstage ] Alright – cut! Great!

George Wendt: Why are we stopping now?

Francis Ford Coppola: Oh, don’t worry, George – you were great! But I just want to get one more take, you know, just to be sure?

Francis Ford Coppola: Don’t worry about it. You stand by. [ turns to the audience ] Folks.. alright, folks, if I could have your attention, please? What we’re trying to do here is create the illusion that the Host, played by George, is going to tell you a joke. George, what’s the funny part?

George Wendt: Uh.. I guess it would be towards the end, Francis.. you know.. I guess that part where I say I’ve been drinking, in a bar.. and the audience thinks, of course, that it was “Cheers”, but I reveal that it wasn’t.. you know, that’s probably the funny part there.

Francis Ford Coppola: Right.. right.. [ to the audience ] So, when he says that, what I want you to do, is, I want you to react by laughing. If you don’t feel like laughing, I want you to go back and remember something from your childhood. It’s called Sense Memory. You remember something that was funny, and then, and then you’ll laugh at the right point. Okay? Okay.. standby, here we go.. ready?

George Wendt: Boy, what a hectic week this has been, you know..? [ audience starts laughing wildly ] Quite a contrast, actually, from the past few months, where, basically, I’ve been sitting around on a bar stool drinking beer all day. [ audience aplauds wildly; George chuckles ] And then, before that, I was working on “Cheers”! [ the punchline dropped, the audience laughs and applauds wildly ] You know.. I’ve been told that “Cheers” is the sitcom for people who don’t really like to watch sitcoms, and I have to believe it’s true, you know? Because, one day, I was at this party, and this guy walked up to me, and – distinguished looking guy, I swear he looked like a brain surgeon, he had the horn-rimmed glasses, salt-and-pepper beard and everything – and he says to me..

Francis Ford Coppola: Alright – cut, cut! That’s wonderful, George!

George Wendt: Wait a minute.. you really want to cut in there? I worked really hard on this monologue..