The Senate
has passed an $838 billion stimulus bill. That is just under $3,000 for each
person in America. And here’s how it’s going to work. On March 1st, every
American will receive a roll of 30 $100 Obama stimulus coins. And you can either
trade the coins with your friends or you can use them in special machines to buy
stimulus nutrition bars.- Jimmy Kimmell

Even after Peanut Corp. of
America learned its products were tainted with salmonella, it kept shipping them
to unsuspecting customers, apparently putting profits ahead of public safety,
according to documents and testimony presented at a congressional subcommittee
hearing Wednesday.

The rumor in my neck of the woods is that the Blakely,
GA plant bought used chicken grinding equipment to grind their peanuts.
Salmonella source?

Barack
Obama held his first press conference as President of the United States, and it
was fascinating because his press conferences are very different than the George
Bush press conferences in many ways. There were verbs. There were syllables.
There were complete sentences.- Jay Leno

And in
Minnesota, Republican Norm Coleman, who is in a legal fight with Al Franken over
who won the election for Senate, said, “God wants me to serve.” But here is my
question. How bad a candidate are you if you can’t win an election when you have
the creator of the universe on your side? Jay Leno

Gov. Charlie
Crist said Wednesday he would try to protect Florida's classrooms from more cuts
this year, but that may not be possible as the state's revenue picture continues
to deteriorate....Both the governor and Seminole Tribe have stepped up pressure
on anti-gambling GOP lawmakers to cement the agreement negotiated in 2007 to let
the Tribe install Las Vegas-style slot machines and blackjack tables at its
casinos.

"Meg
Whitman, the former C.E.O. of eBay, has filed to run for governor of California.
Well, that makes sense. I mean, the state's broke. If we're going to start
selling stuff, who better to be governor than the head of eBay?" --Jay Leno

Your site is
the best. Reliably funny. I hope you are able to stay online. How's the
refinancing going?

I just sent a
thank you donation.

Keep us
laughing, please.

Jon

Thanks Jon! I needed that.

I haven't been able to refinance
my ARM. The $750 good faith money I had to put down (to be refunded at the
closing of the loan minus costs) won't be refunded for 2-4 weeks. Amazing, it
only took them seconds to put it on my credit card. They make it really easy to
hate them. No wonder Americans don't trust the banks.

My recent donations will pull me
through March.

I've only had two donations this
week so I fear support will dry up.

Fingers crossed!

Please, dear viewers, if you have a
few extra bucks kick it on over to AHNC.

A koala named
Sam is given a drink of water by Country Fire Authority volunteer fire fighter
Dave Tree as he rescued her after deadly fires swept through the area of Mirboo
North, about 120km (75 miles) southeast of Melbourne, February 8, 2009. Sam, a
bewildered and badly burned koala, has emerged from the ashes of Australia's
deadliest bushfires, a small beacon of hope after days of devastation and the
loss of more than 180 lives.
Photo/Mark Pardew