LPP #57 Letting Go Of Rules That Feel Essential To Life with Simi Botic

Posted on April 4, 2018

This episode is with non-diet registered dietitian Simi Botic. author of Letting Go of Leo the story of how she broke up with perfection. Simi envisions a world where every woman is empowered to feel confident in her natural body, knows that she is enough, trusts her intuition, & can live her truth.

Once a corporate health care attorney, Simi ultimately decided to become a full time health coach. She specializes in helping women ditch diets for good, make peace with food, and experience confidence in their body. Her Finally Free program empowers women with a renewed sense of freedom for good.

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

x Why she’s grateful for her years of dieting

x Fixed Mindset VS. Growth Mindset (Danish Parenting)

x Growth Mindset: when met with a challenge, see it as an opportunity to learn & grow, excited to learn new things

x How she has reframed her struggles with dieting as an opportunity to learn

x The limiting belief of Perfectionism & how she identified as high-performing / high achieving → used this to cover up the deep down feelings that she wasn’t enough

x How she went from being a corporate health care attorney to a full time health coach

x The competitive environment of law school and how it manifested into an unhealthy relationship with exercise & food, manipulating her body and her food to be “more perfect”

x The rock bottom moment she had on her honeymoon that lead her to seek out a health coach

x (Restrictive) Rule Following & how it made her feel safe (rules about food, number of exercise sessions/week), anytime she didn’t follow these ALL of these rules perfectly, it didn’t count and was followed by overwhelming feelings of shame and ultimately a binge

x ALL or NOTHING thinking

x “I want to be accepted, it is more likely that I will accepted for who I am if I’m in a thin body”

x The Rules we often unknowingly live by, manifest from a self-protective place. We have a deep rooted desire to be loved & accepted

x What may appear as a superficial desire: wanting to lose weight, be a certain size etc. is really a manifestation of a MUCH deeper desire to be loved & accepted for who you are

x Sharing your the journey you’ve walked: helps people who are currently in the trenches to know that they aren’t alone & that there is hope

x If you know someone who is struggling. Listening without judgement, being curious & compassionate are some of the best things you can do.

x Disordered eating & struggles with body image do not discriminate. People of all different walks of life in any sized body may be struggling in silence.

x Her escapism through celebrity gossip & the role celebrities can play in our disordered eating

x This idea that we’re using food & movement as a way to manipulate our body and to fix ourselves. It’s either a punishment or something that gives us permission to have needs.

x Health as a spectrum: will this help me show up more or less fully in my life?

Moving my body in ways that feel good to me helps me feel more present because it gives me more energy. It helps me reduce my stress. So I am able to show up more fully for the people in my life, for my passions, for my work

x What are the should’s you live by? What markers do you need to “hit” in order for you to feel like it counts, or you did enough, or that you’re going to feel okay? What are the rules & requirements you have? When something that feels crucial to LIFE:

duration, intensity, or types of workouts you need to do a certain number of times per week.

Or food rules: shouldn’t eat past 8:00 PM, I can’t eat carbs after 2:00 PM, I can’t eat the same food twice in one day

x What are you afraid will happen if you don’t do these things?

I will get fat

I will feel bad about myself

I won’t feel confident and comfortable in my skin

I will feel ugly

x If I’m in a larger body I won’t be as well liked and accepted / loved / admired / appreciated

x Every behavior has a positive intention behind it

x Behaviors of over-exercising may develop because the person is trying to control their body because they believe a body controlled at a certain place will be more acceptable or more lovable (positive intention behind the behavior is to be loved)

x When something feels ESSENTIAL TO LIFE: are you going to be accepted, loved, belong to part of a community, have human connection. If we’ve associated a behavior like over-exercise with being accepted, loved, or belonging, its very difficult to change the behavior.

In “Letting Go of Leo ,” she shares how she broke up with perfection — and how you can, too.