yvonne wrote:It's hard NOT putting in the opinionated words! (I actually like the first version better..shhhhh)

Yes, it can be hard. You picked up on a kind of subjectiveness in your own writing that was more subtle than I even tried to discuss or illustrate.

Interestingly, as a reader, I like the second version better. The juxtaposition between the glory of the color while the leaves are still on the tree with the image of departure, death, and decay (or extinguishing) is more powerful than just the "goodbye" version.

Steve
nlf.net
________
"When the Round Table is broken every man must follow Galahad or Mordred; middle
things are gone." C.S. Lewis
“The chief purpose of life … is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks. To do as we say in the Gloria in Excelsis ... We praise you, we call you holy, we worship you, we proclaim your glory, we thank you for the greatness of your splendor.” J.R.R. Tolkien

Toni Star wrote:The beauty of Camelot I will never forgetDreams of glory, too good to be trueHaunt my autumn evenings with tears of sadness..

Toni, this meets some of the requirements for a haiku, but not all. It's got three unrhymed lines, and it's got a seasonal reference...but the syllable count, which is very important for a haiku, is off by quite a bit.

The first line should have 5 syllables (yours has 13)
The second line should have 7 syllables (yours has 9)
The third line should have 5 syllables (yours has 11).

A possible re-write that still captures the lovely mood of your poem:

Camelot remains
Dreams of glory, unfulfilled
Haunt my autumn nights

It's very, VERY restrictive, isn't it? Just those 17 little syllables? But it forces you to pick words very carefully.