In an interview with In Touch magazine, Luis, calling himself Nadya's ex-boyfriend, says he thinks he fathered her eldest son, 7-year-old Elijah.

"I want to get a DNA test on that first kid," he said, manning up.

Who can blame Luis Ceballos for hitting this, 14 kids ago?

Luis and Nadya Suleman were allegedly tight when he worked as her driver during the time she worked the pole at the San Diego club Spearmint Rhino (she denies that she worked there and is threatening to sue over such claims).

Luis, who'd gone years without kissing and telling, says he banged Octomom in the back of his limo, and didn't use protection. Sorry for that imagery.

"Right around the time she stopped stripping and disappeared, I found out she was pregnant," he said. "That is why I think the kid is mine."

We admire your honestly, Luis, we really do. But we also feel sorry for you and won't hold it against you if you flee the U.S. and never come back.

Then again, Orange County social services would probably welcome freeing at least one of the Octo 14 from the clutches of America's Most Hated.