First I would like to say:The Mouse and His Child, I have been trying forever to remember the name of this movie, it was one of my absolute favorites as a child. A million thanks

A year or two ago my brother came home from the mall with a movie for me. It's called Active Stealth and stars Daniel Baldwin. Damn Baldwins look too much alike, I originally wrote "Steven". It's a pretty standard B-grade military movie: guy loses friend in combat, guy moves on with life, guy finds out friend is alive and goes to save him with advanced aircraft, twists and holes ensue. It's actually not all that bad if you can stand not-so-big dumb action.

This year I came home with one for him, a title called Pocket Ninjas, something I'd never heard of but it turned out he'd always go in and want to buy it. As far as I can tell it's either about Kid Ninjas or Ninja Midgets. I'm not sure since he hasn't opened it yet

War Without End- Filipino Rambo II ripoff thats hilarious! Strike Commando- Just like War Without End but funnier! Ninja Squad- Billy the ninja looks for a job in the big city, 2 movies edited together. The Billy segments don't even have ninjas! Majestic Thunderbolt- Some sort of crime film. After watching it twice I still don't know the plot! But it features toilet bombings and chickens getting shot at the sea shore! Another cut and paste movie. Top Mission- The king of cut and paste movies! No IMDB page. You can only get it in Germany.

I have a movie called Thunder Run that seems to be surprisingly obscure. Forrest Tucker and his kid drive their fortified truck across the desert, being attacked by terrorists on bikes, in killer VW Beetles, and other vehicles.

I also own a HORRIBLE Chinese movie called Centipede Horror. It has about two minutes of centipede action and about 80 minutes of wizards chanting.

EDIT: I can't remember the title, and I don't have it anymore because my VCR shredded the tape when I rewound it after watching it only once, but I used to have a movie about a pirate, a kung fu master, a judo girl, a time-traveling Nazi cyborg, and some other people searching for a treasure worth $100 billion. Yes, they said 100 billion *dollars* despite it being set in the 1600s or some such. It looked like some guys landed a camera, some film stock, and one boom mic (it deserved its own credit) and made a movie with whatever costumes they could rent from the local shop. The funniest thing was that EVERY female had a nude scene but it was obviously the same stacked, tall, white woman body doubling each time, even thoush she didn't even slightly resemble any of the "actresses"! When the short, flat-chested, Asian, judo girl took off her gi to shower (yes, a shower in a PIRATE SHIP!) she suddenly became a tall, stacked, white woman who was only shown from the neck down. The entire movie was that incompetent, it was amazing.

I'm told the characters in this movie sound like they were stolen from a video game called World Heroes 2.

I have a movie called Thunder Run that seems to be surprisingly obscure. Forrest Tucker and his kid drive their fortified truck across the desert, being attacked by terrorists on bikes, in killer VW Beetles, and other vehicles.

I also own a HORRIBLE Chinese movie called Centipede Horror. It has about two minutes of centipede action and about 80 minutes of wizards chanting.

EDIT: I can't remember the title, and I don't have it anymore because my VCR shredded the tape when I rewound it after watching it only once, but I used to have a movie about a pirate, a kung fu master, a judo girl, a time-traveling Nazi cyborg, and some other people searching for a treasure worth $100 billion. Yes, they said 100 billion *dollars* despite it being set in the 1600s or some such. It looked like some guys landed a camera, some film stock, and one boom mic (it deserved its own credit) and made a movie with whatever costumes they could rent from the local shop. The funniest thing was that EVERY female had a nude scene but it was obviously the same stacked, tall, white woman body doubling each time, even thoush she didn't even slightly resemble any of the "actresses"! When the short, flat-chested, Asian, judo girl took off her gi to shower (yes, a shower in a PIRATE SHIP!) she suddenly became a tall, stacked, white woman who was only shown from the neck down. The entire movie was that incompetent, it was amazing.

I'm told the characters in this movie sound like they were stolen from a video game called World Heroes 2.

I dunno...but when you find out what it is PLEASE let me KNOW! Sounds like the kind of Z budget crap I crave!!!

Actually, this is a touchy subject for a movie board such as this. After all, look at the title of the page. Also, there are so many good fans of bad movies herein, there are almost certainly some (or at least one) who have heard of the most obscure films you could possibly mention.

But as for what I personally own, I'd say the most obscure is Lion Man (starring Turkish Star Wars' own Cunyet Arkin). I first saw this tape at a flea market many moons ago and immediately recognized Arkin ("Hey! It's that guy from the Turkish ripoff thing!") and watched it as soon as I got it home. MAN! This one manages to mix Turkish/kung-fu fighting, the Crusades and mega-violence all in one pretty package - not to mention the expected English dubbing and bombastic music score.

Just to show how much I love you all and want to spread the wealth, you can find several clips of Lion Man over on YouTube: just search for "Lion Man Arkin" and the appropriate clips will come up.

Actually, this is a touchy subject for a movie board such as this. After all, look at the title of the page. Also, there are so many good fans of bad movies herein, there are almost certainly some (or at least one) who have heard of the most obscure films you could possibly mention.

But as for what I personally own, I'd say the most obscure is Lion Man (starring Turkish Star Wars' own Cunyet Arkin). I first saw this tape at a flea market many moons ago and immediately recognized Arkin ("Hey! It's that guy from the Turkish ripoff thing!") and watched it as soon as I got it home. MAN! This one manages to mix Turkish/kung-fu fighting, the Crusades and mega-violence all in one pretty package - not to mention the expected English dubbing and bombastic music score.

Just to show how much I love you all and want to spread the wealth, you can find several clips of Lion Man over on YouTube: just search for "Lion Man Arkin" and the appropriate clips will come up.

And now to whet your appetite:

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDpaKPdmPM4

You're welcome.

I have a vhs of Lion Man 2! It does not have Cuneyt Arkin and is thus not as good.

well,let's see...flesh and fantasyso sad about gloriathe vampire and the ballerinadouble garden-aka-revenge of dr.x,script by my beloved ed woodpretty models all in a rowalice in wonderland-1951-by luis bunin,with puppetsvenus flytrapdarkness-the vampire version(shameless tout,i did some makeup for this,and had a small part as a vampire running down a country road,all uncredited)the cowboy and the ladythunder rock(VERY strange! if tcm ever runs it again,watch it!)tons more,but those are off the top of my head...oh! and this bizarre zombie movie,can't recall the title,it involves these american soldiers from ww2 who use this gas to stay"alive",so they don't have to eat people..when they run out of the gas,they turn blue and icky,great makeup!

Teta i la lluna - literally means "Tit and The Moon", it stars, among others, Mathilda May, the hot chick who was naked through out most of Lifeforce (and, yes, she's topless in this film as well.)

Army Brats a film from... crap, can't remember... Finland, maybe? But the world's most dysfunctional.

Who Would Kill A Child - very creepy low budget film about a man and his pregnant wife you go to a seemingly deserted island to find something is VERY wrong in the neighborhood.

Immoral Tales - trashy sleaze from the same dude that directed La Bete (The Beast)

Ring of Darkness - film about some chick with a pact with the devil, and like, her daughter gets possessed and they have to fight each other or some such. Actually, haven't gotten around to watching this one yet.

Klatretosen (Catch the Girl) - this is actually the film "Catch that Kid" was based on. (Haven't seen the American version, but I think it's pretty much the same as this one).

Return of the Alien's Deadly Spawn - weirdass film about a bunch of tadpole like creatures in some family's basement.

Grapes of Death Z Grade foreign zombie film

Zombie Bloodbath - low, low budget horror film by Todd Sheets although it's interesting how, reportedly, they managed to get 900 some-odd total zombies for the whole film.

The Being - s**tty film about... well, some creature or something. So dark I can't tell what the hell is going on half the time.

Night of the Bloody Apes - actually, wait, I don't have this anymore... but basically it's about this guy who gets a heart transplant from an ape (or something) and that causes him to turn into some deranged man-ape monster.

It's not a movie, but when I was a kid, we had all these tapes of a British cartoon about a sheepdog named Barney. I started talking about it in Spanish last week, and everyone just thought I was crazy.

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"If you break it down, movie magic is just a bunch of people moving s**t."

If you started talking to me in Spanish about a British cartoon about a sheepdog named Barney, I'd proably assume you were crazy too!

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"...the luscious love melons of Linnea Quigley are back on the screen in 'Sexbomb,' except that she's no longer Linnea Quigley. She's billed simply as 'Linnea'... So, you might be wondering, where is Linnea Qui... I mean, Linnea? She's exactly where we would expect, wandering around through the background with her breasts hanging out. She's got maybe, oh, eight words to say in this movie, and most of them are 'Here, I brought you some coffee.'"-Joe Bob on SEXBOMB

I don't know how obscure it is, but no one seems to ever have heard of it, and neither have I. If you're familiar with the Oscar Wilde story you will enjoy it.

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"To be bitter is to attribute intent and personality to the formless, infinite, unchanging and unchangeable void. We drift on a chartless, resistless sea. Let us sing when we can, and forget the rest..."-H.P. Lovecraft