Zack: You enter the Space Skeleton Bathroom. There are 80 stalls and a fruit stand at the back. There is also a leader board for best skeleton poopers, but it looks like it has not been used in a long time. There is also a door going to the east.

Steve: Can I tell who was leading last?

Zack: You look closely and see the word "ROBOT" has been etched into the wood with some sort of amplified coherent light beam.

Steve: Like a flashlight?

Zack: You don't know what that is.

Steve: Yeah I do, I have one in the basement.

Zack: No, your character doesn't know what a flashlight is! Steve: Whatever, dude. I'm going to take some of the fruit and fill a bag with it. Does it still look good?

Zack: Eh, it's alright. You've seen better produce sections. Some bruises. Looks like the robot might have mishandled the bananas.

Steve: Okay that's fine, as long as the apples aren't too mealy. I fill up one of my six loot bags, load it onto the donkey, and then take the door to the east.

About This Column

Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.