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Friday, September 19, 2014

Bump in the night

I was having a dream about the end of the world. There were creatures with powers to hold fast and never let go; others could touch you and cause your body to vaporize. It was unsettling, and I was awoken by the sounds of Aspen's door banging and the dog whimpering.

The thunder was rolling over the house in waves. The lightning illuminated our bedroom through the blinds and spilled a flash of light into the hallway. I opened Aspen's door to let the dog out and she ran outside. Knowing a storm was coming, she wanted to take care of business and then crawl into bed with me and Kev to hide.

I gave the dog her sedative so we'd survive the storm without her clawing up her paws or endlessly shivering. And since it was 3am and Linc had yet to wake up for a feeding, I was naturally convinced he had stopped breathing. I checked on him and made sure his little body was still rising and falling with his breath, and then checked on his sister to do the same.

Getting back into bed, I couldn't talk myself out of the anxiety. I knew that if torrential rains fell, we were as prepared as we could be to prevent flooding in the house. The sandbags were arranged and the sump pumps were in place. There was nothing I could accomplish by laying in bed worrying.

Still, my mind raced with concerns. What if the vet prescribed too high of a dosage and the sedative knocks Maddie out and she never wakes up? What if the baby really isn't breathing? What if the garage floods again and I'm up for the next 20 hours without a break? What if? What if? What IF?!

Kev asked me if I was doing alright, and I told him I was having ridiculous thoughts about everything that could go wrong. He tried to reassure me the vet knew what she was doing when she gave me Maddie's pills. He tried to reassure me the kids were still alive and well. He tried to reassure me that the rains weren't heavy enough to flood our house.

But I continued to lay in bed and fret long after he had gone outside, checked everything, and returned to bed himself.

An hour and a half later, Lincoln finally stirred. I actually welcomed the distraction. This was something I could do; I could nurse him and change his diaper and (hopefully) rock him back to sleep.

I nestled myself in the rocking chair with Linc and proceeded to finally feel a release from the tightness in my chest. He nursed and I celebrated that he had slept for eight hours. It's a pity I didn't get to enjoy all those hours of relaxation, but at least he did. And he went right back to sleep for a couple more hours.

The house didn't flood, the dog woke up from her sleep and Aspen got up and ready for preschool on time. All was well in my little (sometimes un)Lucky House.You can also find me on: