Saturday, April 26, 2014

Example

It's been a very good trip so far. The kids are having fun. They love the breakfasts and the pools. They are having fun feeling grown up in their own hotel rooms. (We had three rooms in Wuhan!) They've been great travelers. Conner is as happy as a clam all the time. He loves having a family. There has really only been one thing that has been fairly difficult: the lack of empathy and services for those with disabilities in China.Cali has grown accustomed to the way she is treated at home. Care and love and a desire to help from family and friends at school at church. I have a renewed gratitude for the way in which the Americans with Disabilities Act helps to provide dignity and accessibility to those whose physical bodies have added challenges. Unfortunately, things are a bit different here. Cali has had to deal with an almost endless barrage of intent stares. People do not hesitate to point, discuss, even follow us for blocks and blocks as we walk, curious about our rather unique group. It’s been an emotionally difficult experience for Cali. On top of that, the accessibility issues abound. There are rarely ramps, and when there are they are often ridiculously steep. Many of the public areas have no elevators. She has had to be lifted up many flights of stairs, either piggy back on me or by having three people lift the chair with her in it. This is truly not an attempt to knock on our beloved China. I’m merely trying to describe some of the difficulties we've had.The only times I've given in to stress or frustration on this trip have had to do with these accessibility issues. Primarily at the airports. The fact that Cali’s wheelchair doesn't fold just about kept us off of one of our flights. At one airport, they required Cali to be wheeled through a completely separate security area without any of us with her. All alone with one, male airport security person wheeling the airport-supplied chair. She didn't meet up with us again all the way to the actual gate. She was terrified. Poor girl! They don’t have the wheelchairs that fit down the airplane aisles at most airports in China. Therefore, they wheel her to the door of the plane, and then I carry her to her seat. That’s fine, honestly. I feel it a privilege to serve my little princess. Last night we were in row 50, so it was a lengthy carry down the tight aisle. And as I mentioned in an earlier post, my back has been having some significant issues. Once we landed, I carried her back to the door of the plane. Here a young man informed me that I would have to continue to carry her up through the jetway and who knows how much farther. We would meet the airport wheelchair somewhere along the way. Obviously the language barrier made it harder to get a clear understanding of what was going on. I protested. While one can see why you can’t wheel her down the very narrow aisle of a plane, why in the world couldn't we get a wheelchair into the very wide jetway. While I kept what I actually said in check, my tone of voice and the glare from my eyes communicated an extreme displeasure to the poor young man delivering the message. He explained that it was because we were at the international terminal. Again, the language barrier made it more difficult to get the entire message across. Again, I wondered, “who cares what terminal it is? This jetway is eight feet wide! Get us a wheelchair!” And the daggers in my glare did not decrease. I finally gave up hope and started carrying her down the jetway. It was a long one, and after a couple of turns, it became evident why the young man said we couldn't get a wheelchair. Because it was the international terminal, they weren't letting passengers from our domestic flight directly into the terminal. We were diverted down onto the tarmac via a long flight of steps. At the bottom of the steps a shuttle would take us to the domestic terminal. I carried Cali down the steps and the same sweet young man let me know that the wheelchair was being driven out to us on the tarmac. We would wait at the bottom of the stairs.We ended up waiting there for about 15 minutes. The young man repeatedly apologized to us for the inconvenience. By this time, my frustration had passed and I felt genuinely sorry for being a grouch. I kept a big smile on my face and made a point of thanking the young man for helping us and staying with us. At one point, Parker came up to Christi and me and said, “That guy who’s helping us just looks like a good guy, doesn't he? He looks like a missionary.” My guilt expanded rapidly. I looked at the young man and reflected on what Parker had said. Park was right. This young man had a light about him. A genuine goodness. I continued to talk to him and be sweet and kind with both him and the kids. Finally our shuttle came. It was a huge shuttle bus, designed to hold over 100 people. Tonight, it was just for us J. Christi, Cali and I were up at the front with our young helper. The other kids went to the few seats in the back and spread out. We talked to each other. We laughed. We had fun. We made the best of a long evening. At one point, Conner began singing Doe-a-Deer, which we didn't even know he was familiar with. I jumped in with him and suddenly all of us (except Cali) sang the entire chorus. (When we were done, Cali looked up at me and said, “I don’t know you!”)The shuttle finally pulled up to the terminal. As we stepped off and headed inside, this sweet young man turned to me and said, “I think you are a good father. Your family makes me feel warm.” I was humbled. So humbled. This young man had seen and felt the light of Christ through our sweet and wonderful children. In spite of their flawed and fumbling father, through their actions and interactions the rest of my family had shared their testimony of the Savior and what He can do for each individual. How grateful I was that I had also seen their example (particularly the example of my sweet wife) and decided to quit being a curmudgeon and start being the man I ought to be. We will likely never see that young man again, but I hope he remembers our family. I hope he remembers that warmth he felt and recognizes it again sometime in the future. I hope someday he’s in a situation where that warmth will be identified for him as the love of the Savior and that he will be able to act on that information and accept Him. I hope that in the future I will more consistently remember the importance of my own example and not let my weaknesses interfere with subtle opportunities to share the gospel. I am grateful for what I have. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for my wife. I am grateful for my Savior.-Jeremy

2 comments:

What a great story! It's not surprising that the thing that would send you a bit over the edge is a situation where the mother bear (or papa bear, in this case) comes out. I am so glad you were able to have a happy ending and no regrets in this situation. It is impossible not to feel something special around your family!

The tendency to bristle at foolishness or unfairness is, perhaps, something you inherited from your flawed father. In my seventies, as a special needs school bus driver the past two years, I have had to learn to be patient. Patient with other drivers, patient with impatient school children, patient with school district policies that seem irrational to me, patient with driving conditions beyond my control. In fact, the supervisor of transportation training recently reminded all drivers that we are being paid to be patient. I must say that it is much easier to be patient when you are being paid for it. I should have taken this job five years sooner!

When we fell in love 20 years ago, we started down a path that has been challenging, exhausting, and breathtakingly beautiful. Here we chronicle the blessings and stressings of parenting some pretty amazing children. We think they're the perfect travel companions as we look forward to the next fork in the road. Welcome to our journey.

Jeremy and Christianne

Taylor Jeremy--18

Parker Matthew--17

The red-headed social butterfly, he's our all-star athlete, top student, outdoor-loving, spunky second-born, with a heart of pure gold!

Jessica Anne "Jesi"--14

Our little princess with the big smile, Jesi loves fashion, friends, hanging with her siblings, and vacations. She sparkles!

Jacob Michael-- 6/8/2004

Little one of heavenly birth, born too soon to bloom on earth. You have taught us so much--we love you, Jacob!

Emily Anne "Emmy"--9/28/2005

Emily's exquisite little hands and feet have left their mark in this world. Her body was tiny, but her spirit enormous. We miss her!

Elizabeth Mei "Elli"--13

Elli's world may be dark, but she's the light of our lives! Lover of music, chocolate, and new toys, she fights a courageous battle with autism while bringing joy to all who know her!!

Gracelin Kate "Graci"--19

Showing true grace throughout her battles with heart disease and pulmonary hypertension, our Gracester is loved by everyone! She's smart, gorgeous, friendly, and has faith to move mountains!

Alexander Philip "Xander"--12

With a spunk and smile that could outmatch anyone's, our Xander has not let Cloves Syndrome get the best of him. He's a talented chef, a caring friend to MANY, our best helper, and is full of teenage humor.

Alexis Li "Lexi"--13

Meet the friendliest girl on the planet! Blind from birth, Lexi amazes all of us with her braille skills, determination, talents, but mosly by the way she spends her days SMILING. She is an angel in every way. We are thrilled to have our darling daughter home six years from China!!

Sophia Breanne "Sophi"--9

Her eyes called out to us from half-way around the world. Little Sophi is growing up and we would do anything to freeze her in time! She's beautiful, smart, and coy and can do amazing things with her toes! She has inspired people all around the world and we can't believe she is ours. Sophi = perfection.

Calais Rose "Cali"--17

Charming Cali joined our family in December of 2012. This girl is beautiful both inside and out. Born with spina bifida, Cali is confined to a wheelchair, but that does not keep her from enjoying life to the fullest. She is smart, opinionated, strong, and lovely in every way. She is a light in our family and a magnet for handsome young men!

Conner Allen-- 17

Meet our newest addition! Home three years from China, Conner makes us wonder what we ever did without him. Blind from birth, he will blow you away with his incredible talent on the piano. He is sweet, witty, girl-crazy, kind and finally, OURS! We love you, Conner!

The Dog

Baxter-- 6 months

She begged and pleaded and wrote letter after letter telling us why she NEEDED a dog, and Sophi finally got her wish! Meet Baxter, the cutest mini-audssiedoodle on the planet.