Friday, January 4, 2008

Pictures for Sad Children

There are some things that take a true man. Not true in the sense of like he's a man, and that's true. A true man as in: A man who is devoted to truth. A man who seeks after true things. A man who never lies about webcomics, because pulling punches is for true women. No that is sexist. True children perhaps. Pulling punches is for true children.

What does a true child look like? If I had to guess I'd say this:

This is the truth about children. This is what it means to be young and pull punches. If I was a small child, I would not look like this, because I would not wear such a crappy pink robe that looks like it's from a pawn shop, and I would not hold that bear. I would do an experiment with it by letting it go and seeing what happened. It's just clipart, so how do we know the regular laws of physics would apply???

The laws of physics are here for us, but only if we are real objects in real space. I'm sure you've all seen movies or flash advertisements if you spend most of your time on the computer. You'll notice that those worlds are not the same thing. That's what truth is about. Truth is what's real that you can actually experience. Untruth is CRAP. That's what the kind of children that we probably want are the kind that are true?

So what if the children weren't true?

What if instead they were sad?

Seems pretty improbable when I phrase it like that, doesn't it? Yeah, that's probably because I was using semantics. Pretty good, I know.

But yes. If there were sad children then I guess what they would need would be some pictures, huh? Maybe some big pictures? Maybe some small pictures? Maybe even some of the pictures could be upside down because that would be kind of unusual and maybe it would get the kid to laugh.

But no. When children get sad, the only pictures that they are allotted are these. How...sad.

Pictures for Sad Children. It's a comic on the web, and boy does it pack away the laughs in a safe that not even a really good criminal could get them out of even if he had a bunch of equipment and explosives and a glass that he could hold up to the safe and put his ear on the other side and listen to the old clicks as the pins or whatever did whatever they do in order to open.

I think that the author has some jokes, but he's ACTUALLY trying to keep them from us. He's taunting us by showing us that there are jokes and then not telling us them. Here's an example.

It's the kind of thing that would make the children...MAD.

Oh no!

OK, here's a list of just a few things about the comic that make the children mad.

It's impractical. Does this look like the best way to make a comic? I don't think so.

It seems like the guy who wrote it is the sort of guy who grows his hair out, and then he waits and waits for everyone to get used to it, and he even gets it on his drivers license, but then when we all accept him as a long haired man, that's when he cuts it. It makes EVERYONE uncomfortable. I mean, just look at this installment.

No good social networking features on the website. Why can't these sites serve more than one purpose?

No references. This comic would have been the perfect place to drop a line from Free Willy, but does the author take the opportunity? No! He wants to live in a cultural vacuum! Wow, good idea Mr. I hope you like living with dust.

Pictures for Sad Children is pure true boredom. It's probably one of the main reasons that not as many people read the newspaper these days. I'll have to check sometime. If anybody knows the phone number for one of the most important newspapers, leave it here, and I'll try reviewing it as soon as I get the chance (keep in mind, I keep busy.)

So why don't I like this comic? Lots of reasons. Some of them are private, but there are some public ones. For instance, if I were reading it in public I would feel very strange.

I would feel like I was a cancer researcher who accidentally discovered the ultimate way to cause cancer, and it was the only thing I discovered all year, and my mom was trying to ask me what I had discovered that year, and it was really awkward because my only discovery was one that could kill people.

I also dislike the comic's use of perspective. Why do things always have to be in the distance?

38 comments:

1. It is not drawn conservatively. Now here, I don't know what you mean. You don't explain your reasoning. Also, why would this be a problem? It might be a problem in a newspaper, where there is limited space.

2. You don't like the comic's use of perspective. Again, you don't explain why.

3. It makes you feel strange. I think the bigger problem here is that you should feel strange when you're reading any webcomic. Anybody who doesn't read them, doesn't know what they are, and if told about them, would find them strange.

Some context: This quote is sarcastic. Comedic entertainment that is simply vapid pop culture references IS NOT FUNNY. Examples: Epic Movie, Date Movie, Scary Movie 1, 2, and especially 3 and 4, the upcoming Meet the Spartans, many of the newer episodes of Family Guy, every other Robot Chicken... are you seeing a pattern here? If this is the kind of humor you enjoy, I don't know if webcomics in general are right for you. They are underground for a reason.

Wow you must have a shitty sense of humor. Pictures for Sad Children is a really good, really funny comic... at least for those of use who can think.

You basically negated any modicum of respectability or intelligence when you listen one of your main qualms with the comic as "lack of references." Mmm mmm, constant referential humor is the pinnacle of comedy. Go back to watching Family Guy, asshole.

Pictures for Sad Children is one of the few fantastic webcomics out there. It's clever, interesting, and certainly different than anything else I've ever seen. No reason to trash it because you don't get it.

Well of course Pictures for Sad Children isn't for everyone -- it really is a very particular KIND of comic -- but there really isn't any reason to say it's BAD. The idea of applying a formula for greatness to art - like a webcomic - is ridiculous.

Just because it isn't your taste in jokes doesn't mean it isn't funny.

(And, "Pillow cases? What are you talking about?" was basically the highlight of my year, btw)

1. this review was not serious.Consequence: then I guess it wanted to be funny. In that case, in your place I would really work on your punchlines, because as hilariously absurd as criticizing the perspective is, there was much more text than fun. It went rambling a lot, maybe try consolidating the jokes into fewer, funnier paragraphs.

2. this review was serious.Consequence: I would recommend you getting into the beetroot farming business instead of sitting on the internets.

Good job at being sarcastic. Looking back through your archives, the only comics you've criticized are good ones. White Ninja? Gunnerkrigg? Dresdan Codak? Yeah, you're not serious. (not to mention I remember you from the comments section of 'Your Web Comic is Bad and You Should Feel Bad')Yeah, I don't really have anything to say. I'm just making the above comment so people stop making pissed posts about the article.

Hm. I can actually see some point to this article for once. It didn't seem all that serious, though.

I know that the art, perspective, and jokes aren't to your taste, but maybe you could just ignore that and either not read it or at least try and get the joke, even if it's not "ha ha" funny. I saw some humor to the pages you recalled, even if the way it was written wasen't all that signifigent.Also, not everyone has to be a good artist to make a good comic. This one comic called "Adventures" doesn't have the best art, but has really great jokes, especally as it progresses on. This counts as perspective, too. Sometimes the comic just simply works best in a 2-D format, like PFSD.

For once I'm not raging mad at your excuses to call this comic bad. These complaints are the most common ones used, after all.

ADHD idiots like Sonty who are too dumb to understand humor more complex than a half-episode of Looney Tunes do not deserve to have their thoughts put into words. You are a disgrace to humanity and a waste of good oxygen. Kill yourself.

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