Let’s talk about the Oscars

Despite having seen all of two movies up for an Academy Award this year, I still tuned in to the Oscars last night . . . mostly to see what people were wearing. Honestly, I wasn’t blown away by the dresses this year. SO MANY black, white, and beige dresses. I thought Hallie Berry and Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman all looked great, but I feel like we’ve seen those dresses before. I also thought Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams looked ready to walk down the aisle. Too much. Here are the best dresses in my book:

In a night of neutrals, I loved this pop of coral on Kerry Washington. This girl. I don’t know who she is, but this is my favorite look of the night. I love love love the color and the cut is great, too. It looks comfortable and flow-y (is that a word?) but elegant. I like her hair as well. Jamie Foxx looks great, too. Until he turns around and HEAD TATOO. I also loved this red dress on Olivia Munn. Former Daily Show correspondent FTW! This gal wins for rocking a puppy-dog purse to the Oscars and being generally adorable. I know I just said there was too much black, but of all the black dresses, this number on Samantha Barks was my favorite. Simple, classy, sexy. And now, for worst dressed . . . unsurprisingly: Helena Bonham Carter. I feel like she shows up at every awards show in some variation of bag-lady wardrobe and hair. Someone please get her a stylist. And a flat iron. Alright, moving away from judging the clothes and onto random general judgments: These two. I would like to be besties with them. They seem to be genuinely in love. She is a beautiful gal without looking like she’s starving herself or pumped up with botox. They are foster-care and adoption advocates and Broadway geeks. Hugh and Deborra-Lee . . . call me! In “People I Should Love But Don’t” . . . there’s Kristen Chenowith. I loooove her voice (which even my daughters can recognize from how much I listen to her) but does she seem just a tad bit crazy behind the eyes? She made me uncomfortable all night. Like the friend in drama class who’s just a lil’ too loud and theatrical all the time . Also: I just learned she is dating Jake from The Bachelor. Yes, the one who proposed to Vienna. Yes, the one who went on Bachelor Pad. Also, she appears to be suffering from an extreme form of tanorexia. I hope she gets some help. Kristen Stewart . . . she reminds me of myself in high school when I went through my brief but dramatic non-conformist phase, during which I pretended to be tough and hard and uncaring about anyone’s approval so that people would like me more. “Hey! Look at me! I don’t give a crap. EVERYONE LOOK AT ME NOT CARING!” And yes, I understand that she hurt her foot. But unless her arm is broken, there is no excuse for not brushing her hair. Speaking of trying too hard, did you hear Ethan Hawke sour-graping all week about how dumb the Oscars are? He also appears to be channeling Johnny Rotten with his hair. Hey Ethan, Mark McGrath called. He wants his eyeliner back. I’ve hesitated to share my feelings about the Les Mis movie, because they are deep, but suffice it to say no one looked forward to that movie more than I did and no one walked away more annoyed. Let it be known that I despise when casting directors overlook legit singers in favor of known actors. I thought that Eponine and Marius were the only singers fit for their role. There I said it. Russell Crow and Amanda Siegfried . . . ooh boy. And the big number during the Oscars – there was a moment when the harmonies were about to go off the rails. And not in a good way. Also, can we talk about Eddie/Marius’s hair for a moment? This is what it looked like at the Oscar’s: And this is what it looked like in Les Mis: Fighting in a revolution? He had boy-band hair. Singing with friends in a bar? He had boy-band hair. Being pulled through a sewer? He had boy-band hair. Please explain to me how every actress was uglified for this movie and this guy got away with looking like that one guy from New Direction in EVERY SINGLE SCENE. I’m only willing to overlook this because he had pipes. Speaking of pipes: Go ‘head, girl. One of my favorite moments was Babs talking all casual-like, and then suddenly singing mid-sentence. “Bla bla bla . . . but I’ll always have the . . . MEMORIES . . .” So subtle. Also, what was going on with her witch hands? The nails, the rings . . . like she’s about to tell me my future from a crystal ball. ALSO HOMEGIRL IS 71 YEARS OLD. I’ll have whatever magic potion she’s having. Jennifer Lawrence’s fall is probably the most memorable moment of the night. And Hugh Jackman leaping to the rescue because of course he did. Let me tell you. KStew could take a lesson from JLaw about how to be awkward in public without being insufferable. Because clearly JLaw suffers from some social awkwardness, but somehow the way she handles it actually makes me like her more. And the big winner of the night, of course, was Michelle Obama. Best hair, best dress, and of course best film of the year: Alright, that’s it for my Oscars recap! Oh, and I guess some movies got some awards and stuff. Details. Did you watch the Oscars? Who was best-dressed in your book? Did you actually see any of the nominated movies? What were your favorites?