Regular Einstein Awards

The best of this week's absurd news and fatuous people

WE scour the local and international media to bring you the best and worst our planet has to offer. Drum roll please...

“The Church Gets A Bad Rap” Award goes to…Beatbox rapper Reverend Gavin Tyte. The Devon clergymen’s dope rhymes include ‘while out in the ballpark she hit a home run Mary gave birth to her first born son, no hotel, motel, custom baby changer – she wrapped the baby up and laid him in a manger’ Watch out Jay-Z!

‘The We Need Some Good Press” Award goes to…BP. After screwing up royally with the biggest oil spill in history, BP’s name has been dragged through thicker gruel than it spewed in prodigious amounts into the Gulf of Mexico. So time to announce £10m worth of donations to arts institutions in the UK.

“The Heart Attack On A Plate” Award goes to...The Scot’s. Yes, if such artery seizing fare such as deep fried Mars bars was not enough they are now serving up deep fried butter balls. A bar in Edinburgh has put the calorie busting desserts on their menu. The desert is made by freezing balls of butter before dipping them in an Irn Bru batter.

“The Ba Humbug!” Award goes to…Jeremy Paxman for banning any appearance of a Christmas tree in the Newsnight Studio. Good work, sir, or shameful scrooge?

“The Is Cannibalism On The Menu?” Award goes to…

The two daft Dutch TV presenters who decided to taste each other’s flesh in front of a live TV audience. There is a riveting YouTube clip of a chef frying up a bit of human and then some geek tentatively smelling and licking a bit of cooked flesh.

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