"There are countless horrible things happening all over the world and horrible people prospering, but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible." -Auberon Waugh

Friday, March 29, 2013

Don't wind up as a cinder

The cold war is hotting up again as one of the world’s last communist regimes threatens to nuke the United States. Can you depend on your government to protect you in an age of sequestered budgets and defense cuts? You know the answer to that! In Obama’s world, you’re on your own.

But help is on the way. For the low, low price of $19.95, Preemptive Atomic Counter-Ordnance, a division of PACO Consumer Defense Industries, can give you complete peace of mind with the Blast Master II.

This state of the art personal anti-nuclear defense system is guaranteed to fully protect you from any North Korean missiles that have the range to reach Austin, Texas. With one flick of your thumb, the Blast Master II deploys automatically to shield you from radiation, shock waves and even a direct hit from any North Korean missiles that have the range to reach Austin, Texas. Take advantage of our volume discount to arm the whole neighborhood!

Why spend a small fortune constructing an underground bunker? For a fraction of the cost, you can acquire all the protection you need against any North Korean missiles that have the range to reach Austin, Texas with the Blast Master II.

18 comments:

Austin Texas, sure. But what about Dayton Ohio and environs? I know we're a blue-sorta state, but isn't there something in Perdurable Asset Caching Offshore accounts that should at least offer us recompense*, in case the Blast Master II doesn't live up to manufacturer's specs? Not saying that it won't, of course.

*Provided our houses are still standing after the North Korean Nuclear War, and we're still living, unradiated, in them?

I'm pretty sure the Zardozian command and control compound in central New Mexico lies directly under the flight path of any NORK missile headed for Austin. I will mention the availability of the Blast Master II mobile shield to the attendees of the neighborhood watch meeting tomorrow morning.

Will there be a significant discount for bulk orders? Does it come in a digital desert camo pattern? I'm afraid the blue is a little too sissified for the local population.

I hope those umbrella manufacturers are also the fine folks that made the all-purpose shelter for yesterdays children, namely, the School Desk which provided shelter for tornadoes, hurricanes, nuclear attacks, and volcanic eruptions.

Years ago, I visited the DMZ between North & South Korea. Even during that period of relative calm, it was tense. (The 1976 axe murders of two American soldiers is remembered like it was yesterday.)

We were instructed not to make any gestures or quick movements toward the North at all. Facing us with his back towards the North, the military escort described geological formations in the hills locating snipers aiming at us. We could see them.

The DMZ is about 40 miles from Seoul. You can see the North from the restaurant on the top of Seoul Tower on a clear day. The bridges over the freeway to the DMZ (which is strategically placed among the hills)are designed to be blown and fall across the road. There are many of them - on purpose.

The grim joke has always been that Northern invaders would make it to Seoul but no further. They'd find food in Seoul and gorge themselves stupid and stop right there.

Anon,In the great German offensive of the spring of 1918, the German troops, after years of enduring privations owing to the British naval blockade, were significantly delayed in their advance and stopped, because the troops stopped to loot the British supply dumps they captured, giving the British Army time to bring up reserves. That joke is not so far-fetched at all.

you amelicans dare raughing at us? think wee in North Korea not strong? We have levorutionaly zeal come out you yang. we have rocket can destroy capatirist moon if want. you see, you cry rike starving peasant sooon.

Being as how "Amelika" is a target, perhaps the monies should be sent to the Pecuniary Auxiliary Contingency Overseas bolt-hole?Australia (not on child-leader's target board) has a strong currency, more or less speaks the language, has good beaches & strong liquor aplenty.