Behold the Buddymoon

I’ve been married for eight years now, but I still know what happens when two people wed: they exchange vows, swap rings, kiss sweetly, celebrate with friends and family and then head off for some alone time. Or so I thought. Then I read about “buddymoons,” when a couple brings their nearest and dearest on their honeymoon with them. It’s a thing, at least according to The New York Times.

The piece profiled couples that rolled with a crew immediately after marrying. Couples like Erin and Scott who went to New Orleans for their honeymoon, bringing along Erin’s mom and more than a dozen other friends and relatives; Christine and Scott who went to Vegas for a week with four of their friends; Paul and Cynthia whose Vegas honeymoon was them plus 28; and celebs like Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz and Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert who all made three’s (plus) company on their honeymoons. Experts in the article pointed out that with couples living together before getting married, the whole honeymoon concept doesn’t quite have the same importance as it might have back in the day. And for some of the couples in the piece who had family living far away, the buddymoon was a clever way to extend the time they got to spend with these special people who’d flown in from far-flung locales.

To say that the doctors were annoyed by the Times piece is an understatement. They claim the paper totally exaggerated that buddymoons are some hot trend. The Schmitzes have researched marriage for 30 years on all seven continents and in 47 countries, and they say that they’ve only had “a handful of couples tell us during our thousands of interviews around the world that they had a ‘buddymoon’ where they invited others to join them on their honeymoon. Does it happen? Yes, under some unusual or unique circumstance. Often? Absolutely not!”

According to the Schmitzes, the idea of a honeymoon has been around for a very long time and is significant for many different cultures. “A honeymoon, or some variation of it, is practiced in most countries in the world,” they say. “It is called different things, but the notion is the same—newly married couples want and need alone time together to consummate and jump-start their marriage.”

If you’re thinking about a buddymoon, I’ve gotta be honest here, these experts are against it—big time. “Our research would suggest to us that a buddymoon is never a good idea! Never!” they say. “A newly married couple needs time to consummate their newly formed relationship. They have to have a successful and happy life together first and foremost with each other, not with their mom and dad, relatives or their friends.” The Schmitzes add that anyone seeking their professional advice would be “highly discouraged” from taking a buddymoon, even if you have family in from out of town or you’ve lived together forever and had plenty of vacations as a couple already.

Finally, when pressed on whether a honeymoon even matters now that many couples are getting busy before their wedding night, Charles and Elizabeth seemed downright smirky with me (can you smirk via e-mail?), commenting, “[We] can assure you that long dating periods and intimacy before marriage is not a new phenomenon. The difference is, those notions were not talked about publicly until the 1970s and beyond. Don’t mistake being discrete and quiet about intimacy with never having engaged in it before marriage!”

Would you ever consider taking a group trip for a honeymoon? Do you have any friends who have? How’d it go? Tell us all about it in the comments section below!