Um… Really?

In the past month, several incidents have stood out in my memory. One day, I’m going to write a book about the strange things that get said to me. A few were weird things said to me, a few were massive word mix-ups, and one was a suggestion that had good intentions but was just wrong. I’m going to share one of each with you:

1. “It’s a shame you don’t drink coffee, I’d love to get you a cup.” Uh, ok… I don’t know what to say to that. Do I apologize for not drinking coffee? Why do you want to get me coffee? Do you need an excuse to get up that badly? Did I mention that’s just a little odd and possibly creepy?

2. “Great, I’ll schedule us both to get pedophiles.” Whoa! What?!? I thought we were talking about pedicures a few seconds ago? I’m not entirely sure I want a pedicure, I know I don’t want a pedophile. Of all the words to mix up with pedicure, I wouldn’t have thought of “pedophile.” They start the same, but man… are they completely different.

3. “Maybe we should try artificial sweetener in the hummingbird feeders, it tastes sweeter than sugar.” Um, I’m positive that’s a really bad idea. Hummingbirds drink sugar water because they need the calories for their hyper-movements. If we substitute artificial sweetener, it might be sweeter, but it has zero calories. We’ll either have feeders that the birds won’t touch or we’ll have dead hummingbirds littering the place.