Sunday, December 9, 2012

In Which I'm Setting Off Tomorrow

So this is it! Tomorrow, after two years of waiting, I'll finally be stepping on a plane for Thailand.

I'm so very excited and terrified, all at the same time.

I'm going to do my very best to post regular updates on here as we travel through Thailand. I won't be able to blog tomorrow evening as I'll be over an ocean somewhere (it's a long flight), but hopefully after that I'll be able to find some Internet access and a power converter, and I'll keep you posted if I can. If I'm not able to blog, I'll try and pass along information through my family.

If this was a Lifetime movie and not reality, in just a few days Ellen would run into Jeremy and my arms while sappy music played, Connor would magically show up from somewhere stage left despite actually being on another continent, and then we'd all walk off into the sunset together. But things don't happen that way in real life.

Real life is messy. Real life is heartbreaking and wonderful and confusing all at the same time. And there's no simple happy ending to this story. Life doesn't like neat, tidy packages, and Ellen isn't going to magically fit into a slot in our family like she's always been here. We know there will be some bumps along the way.

But that's okay. Because while life is messy and complicated and tragic sometimes, it's also filled with moments that make it worthwhile-- moments that are more awe inspiring and incredible than we ever could have imagined. And while this adoption-- or any adoption, for that matter-- will probably not be easy by any stretch of the imagination, I also think it's going to bring us some of the very best moments of our lives.

We aren't going to fit her into a neat slot in our family. Instead, I hope that we'll all grow into one another, stretching and bending and giving each other grace until gradually we all find a new place together. And we'll give Ellen time to find her way to us, and not be disappointed if it takes a little while. We'll leave our hearts wide open and the porch lights on. When she's ready, she'll step inside.

So excited for the next part of your journey to begin! She will feel your open heart and appriciate your patience, and you will become a family. In the meantime, I hope you feel the love we all have for your family.

So exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. A thousand thoughts and emotions go through your head when you meet your child! I think I had heart palpitations. What a beautiful moment for you guys! :D Glad you feel prepared for the long haul. Good luck!

if your posts are anything to go by you guys will make a beautiful family, including all the bumps along the way! wishing you all the very best for your future together. am also looking forward to hearing snipppets of how it all goes in thailand. i can still feel the anxiety, stress, anticipation and sheer joy of when we met our little fella all those years ago as if it were yesterday. may you have many such memories too :)

I am so excited for you! I guess I have been following your blog now for 2 years now - and finally you are about to meet your daughter! Ellen is a lucky girl to be joining such an amazing family. Just remember to breath... :-)

Jess, as an adoptive mom of an "older" special needs daughter, your post brings me to tears. Your thoughtful realistic approach will be so helpful to all of you as the time goes by. I liken our adoption to a "marriage" - we all had to get to know each other and come to love each other - it isn't a love at first sight sort of thing. Lots of grieving, joy, surprises and learning along the way. I am wishing you love and laughter in your journey as a family. Karen, mom to Anita, home in 2000, age 16.

About The Author

I'm Connor's Mom. That pretty much explains everything. I mean, raising the epicenter of cuteness in the universe is tough, but it has its moments, all right.
I should probably mention that Connor has a submicroscopic, subtelomeric unbalanced translocation 46xy der t(1)(1;15)(q42;q26.2)-- an extremely rare chromosomal disorder. He keeps me on my toes!