In some of the upcoming videos, I mention a dark time that I went through recently. Maybe I’ll talk about that a little more some other time; however, for today’s post, I wanted to talk about the potential of dark times, the value of those dark places, because it’s easy to look at the dark times negatively. I know I have.

I had a conversation with a songwriting friend a couple of months ago and I mentioned to her how I was coming out of a dark time and how the dark times made me think of a seed. It’s in the ground, buried in the darkness, for days, weeks, months…but not forever. =)

Tremendous, amazing transformation occurs while that seed is in the ground. If it wasn’t for being buried in a dark place, there would be no growth, no life. And that’s how I am coming to view dark times. In these dark places, God is able to grow us in ways that would be otherwise impossible. He’s been doing that in my heart and my life during the dark time I recently passed through.

I honestly didn’t know if I was going to spiritually survive my most recent dark place. It was incredibly intense, painful, confusing, and devastating, among other things. I was a very broken person and felt like my faith had been squeezed dry. God’s relentless and unfailing love kept me hoping when I didn’t even feel like I believed any more.

What should you do if you’re in a dark place that seems to be squeezing the life out of you?

Find promises in scripture and hold on to them as if your very life depended on them … because it does! Find a new promise each day or take one for a week. Keep those promises close to your heart and don’t let them go!

Don’t stop reading the Bible and spending time with the Lord. This is your water and fertilizer! God may feel a million miles away and you may not feel anything after your daily reading, but feelings are not accurate. You will only prolong your dark time by distancing yourself from the Lord, because without that water and fertilizer, it’s going to be difficult for you to grow properly.

Remember that growth takes time. Be patient, be quiet. Don’t fight what God is doing. Surrender to His will, even to this place of darkness, and wait for Him to do His work in your life. Continue walking in obedience, believing and trusting that God is doing a good work in you!

Eliminate distractions that keep you from focusing on the growth God is doing in your life. The process of growth isn’t pretty or comfortable, but you’ll be doing yourself a disservice by finding ways to get out of facing your true reality. Be all there and stay engaged, even if you just want to crawl back in bed and pretend like this isn’t happening. It’s really happening and God most likely has some specific instructions for you that are essential for your growth but are going to be hard to hear if you’re tuned out.

Personally, I needed music. Find songs that are truth-filled, God-focused, and turn the volume up. Stop worshiping your trial and start worshiping God in the middle of the trial. The difference is extraordinary!!

Keep an eternal focus and perspective. Yes, some of our earthly trials may very well last for the rest of our earthly lives, but that doesn’t mean forever. As difficult as it may be to say to yourself, remember that your affliction is momentary and light. Your flesh isn’t going to like that reminder and your mind is going to argue that point. No matter…it doesn’t change the truth of God’s word. Momentary and light…speak those words (out loud if needed) when the dark time feels like it’s been forever, when a complaint about the conditions forms in your mind, when your heart is breaking and you don’t think you can bear another minute…whenever, whatever…those words are powerful and effective. The more you say them, the easier they are to accept.

If you’re struggling with anger and bitterness toward God, hash it out with Him. God is a good listener and He only speaks what is true. Don’t keep all the frustration inside. Tell God what’s going on and just be honest with Him. I’ve found that in my most broken moments, I talk to God more like how I would talk to a real person versus other times I pray. These conversations have been incredible and have been the most authentic…they are what I would like more of my conversations with God to be like. God can handle how you’re feeling, but He wants to hear it from you. And when you pour it all out, He has the most amazing way of setting you straight. Be prepared for the anger and bitterness to lose its hold on you, because God is so kind and tender…you just can’t stay mad at Him.

Confide in a godly person/persons you are close to about all that you are feeling and struggling with so they can be praying for you and encourage you in the truth. It is truly beautiful to see the body of Christ at work. What a privilege to be on the receiving end of God’s care through His hands, feet, mouth, etc. I was incredibly blessed by members of His body who I hadn’t even talked to, but I was on their hearts and they sent me words of encouragement in addition to the people who knew my struggle and encouraged me along the way. Staying accountable to someone is important.

Use this dark place to cultivate your relationship with God. He wants to take you deeper. He wants you to know Him more intimately. Rest in His love for you and cherish this time with the Lord. You won’t get this time back. Don’t waste this experience.

Look beyond yourself. Pray for others and share in their burdens. It’s crazy how being more aware of others can cause your perspective to do a 180, but it’s true.

If I had more time to sit here and write, I’m sure I could add more to these action points. But I think you get the picture. A big part of getting through this is your attitude and your focus. Our women’s group at my wonderful church just started a Bible study with the book, “Calm My Anxious Heart”, and it has been very refreshing! I loved this quote the author shared that I just have to share with you too!

“Two women looked out from prison bars, one saw mud, the other saw stars.”

Looks for the stars, my friend! Look for the diamonds, the treasure, that are found only in the dark places. =)

Late last summer, I became aware of a fact that I had been blind to, but most certainly needed to wake up to: the other woman. She had the potential to rob me of the family God had given me, the life I’d been blessed with, the healing I desperately needed. She was living in my home…with me. And she needed to leave.

She was cruel to me, flaunting her amazing, incredible, capable, sufficient, energetic, lively, active, accomplished, healthy, stable, strong, superior self at me whenever she could. She was everything I wanted to be. She was everything I (thought I) once had been. She was me, or rather, the me that was no longer.

She was a ghost. Haunting me, following me around all day, accompanying me throughout the day’s tasks. Constantly criticizing me, putting me down, making me feel guilty, belittling my attempts at living like a normal person again, mocking the small things I accomplished, looking on my small victories with disdain. She was impossible to compete with and please.

She was my ideal. She was the woman I longed to be, but couldn’t be anymore.

And so I stopped trying. Why try when I could never live up to who she was? It didn’t matter if I had energy to make dinner. She was there to scoff and remind me of all the dinners I used to make easily. Why try when anything I did would seem so insignificant compared to all that she could have done? I felt defeated before I even tried. She always won. She was always better.

I kind of gave up without even realizing it. I just settled for living in her shadow, living in the memory of her and missing her. Living with the thought that I would never be good enough and grieving the loss of the woman I wasn’t anymore. It hurt a lot. I despised myself and I despised her too, but at the same time, I worshiped her.

It wasn’t really living. It was more like tolerating life. I tried to smile and keep up my spirits. When I was alone, I was either apathetic or in tears. Life wasn’t what life should have been and could have been.

I resorted to fading into the background of life. I didn’t feel like I was needed or that I could add anything meaningful to life. It was easier to find mindless things to do to drown out the memory of her than to face her with my pitiful contributions to life, especially to our family. I couldn’t be the wife, mom, friend, daughter, or even Christian she could be and if I couldn’t meet that standard, I didn’t feel that being less than that was any good.

But that way of living kept me stuck. Unable to move forward, I was in a constant place of comparing myself to her. When the home videos would go on, it hurt my heart too much to watch myself before the health crisis and I would withdraw to another room where I didn’t have to watch her. Did I mention she was amazing?

But it got worse. The more I was with my family, the more I saw her. My family began to be a reminder of her. Watching them do the things I used to be able to do was excruciating. The more I was around them, the more I was reminded of her and who I no longer was.

And so I began retreating from them more and more. I fought it to a degree, battling through the day, trying not to let the reminder of her intimidate and discourage me. I attempted to keep myself present instead of fleeing…many attempts in vain. I put some effort into it, but not much. I failed a lot at rising to the occasion. It seemed to be a losing battle. I saw her everywhere!

One day, the Lord made it all so crystal clear to me and I just kind of went “Wow.” All the feelings finally made sense. My behavior was no longer a mystery to me. I saw her for what she really was:

An illusion. A fantasy. A thief. A lie. I was letting this person who no longer existed steal precious moments of life from me.

I’m going to be honest. She still tries to hang around. I still feel like shutting down when I catch a glimpse of her. But she’s not controlling my life like she was and she’s not welcome here! She’s been officially kicked out. Instead of focusing on her, I’m learning to focus instead on God and all that He is and who I am in Christ. When I see her out of the corner of my eye, I remind myself with the truth:

I belong to a loving Heavenly Father and I am precious in His sight. I may have lost a lot of “what I can do”, but what I’ve gained in return is more precious than gold and it shows “what God can do”. Even though I may not understand or it may not feel good, God is working everything out for my good. This trial is temporary, whereas my life with Christ is eternal. I am enough, because God says that I am complete in Him. Life is a gift!

I’m still in the process of getting free from the loss, grief, pain, frustration, anger, disappointment, and bad habits. The longer I’m on this journey, the deeper God goes into my heart. The fact is, I wasn’t good enough for myself. There is the root problem, plain and simple. I’m learning to accept who I am now and what I can do. I’m learning to be grateful for how far God has brought me. I’m learning to be content with what I am able to do, because this is God’s will for me at the moment. Fighting God’s will, denying the reality of it…that doesn’t help matters. It hasn’t been easy and the journey isn’t over yet, but the cloud and fog that covered much of 2014 have started to lift and are being pierced through with rays of God’s hope and love.

I have appreciated this verse throughout the past several months and it continues to be a reminder to me of what God desires for me. The Lord doesn’t just want me to “get through” life, He wants me to experience His abundant life here and now while I’m living life on this earth. It’s a promise that I’m holding on to tightly as I continue moving on!

Subscribe!

Enter your email address below to be notified when new content is added to Adriel's Music Notes

Name

Email *

I'm Adriel Hong and I am a child of God and believer in Jesus Christ. I'm also a wife, a homeschool mom, and a Christian singer/songwriter.

I'd like to welcome you to my music notes, a little corner of cyberspace where I share my songwriting journey, which includes free music, stories behind the songs, personal testimonies, music videos, and my musings. I pray that God would bless you and encourage you through this site and the songs that I am privileged to write down for Him. Check out my blog posts, listen to music, watch a video, or just poke around to make your own discoveries! Thanks for visiting and have a very blessed day! =)

Follow me on

This Week’s Featured Posts

4 years ago my life changed overnight. I went to bed normal. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was never the same. As I reflect on the desperate months following in which my health would plummet to a critical point, I can finally face the memories, the losses, the guilt, […]