12 October 2015

AND THEN YOU WERE FIVE

I had all intentions of posting this at the weekend, to celebrate you turning the big five! In fact I did sit down to write something several times but my emotions got the better of me. So I switched off and enjoyed the moment, being in the weekend with my you, eating cake, opening presents, surrounded by all the family, running around in Transformers outfits – yep me included – at your party and generally doing whatever I could to make your day special.

But I didn't want to let it slip by without reflecting on what this day means to me, to us.

Yep I officially have a five year old, FIVE! I'm sure I said the same when you turned four and there's no doubt I'll greet each year with same bewildered smile as weeks and months blend into years...and yet I'm not quite ready, in fact I don't think I've ever been ready for any of this, but somehow you've always known that and that's OK.

When you first entered the world not crying as expected but silent, wriggling under my gown blinking up at me I panicked. This small new person loving me, calm in my arms knowing I was safe even though I was scared. I asked for you to be taken off me, to be handed over to your daddy, and still you stayed calm. No tears, just quiet and seemingly patience, waiting for me to catch up to you.

Over the years you have remained that way. My beautiful boy, so calm and kind, you have been patient with me and loving, always loving. In times where I have been swallowed by grief from babies lost, struggled under dark clouds, where tempers have frayed and I have felt lost, you have been a beacon of light in stormy waters. You have shown such kindness and love, with whispered words that could melt a thousand hearts. When I felt like I was not enough, you hugged me closer and when I thought I was about to break inside you made me smile, and no doubt as I teach you all I know and help pave your way in life, you will undoubtedly teach me more than I could ever imagine.

...and now you are five, starting school, navigating your own little life and I could not be more proud of you. My little love, my boy.

Oh I hope he had the happiest of weekends! I don't think I've been as surprised or blown away by everything that has come with parenting in the last (nearly) five years either. But what a sweet little boy you have and you should be very proud!

This was so gorgeous to read Lori. So much has happened in those 5 years! Loved the reflection on his birth and comparison with how it is now, I think a child's birth definitely affects their birthday. Happy 5th birthday to you all! 5 has been a wonderful year so far for Elfie and I hope it's fun for you too xx