YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The 40-acre Thousand Oaks estate that Oscar winning and egotastic actor Jamie Foxx purchased back in June of 2006 must be ready for occupancy because the filthy rich funny man has listed his long time Tarzana crib for sale with an asking price of $2,230,000. Actually, Mister Foxx's den (of alleged iniquity) has been listed since mid-April, but all us real estate gossips musta been asleep at the wheel because none of our damn eagle eyes seem to have noticed until now. If Your Mama is being honest, which we always are, we can't take credit for locating this listing on our own. We learned about it only after being alerted by a friendly tipster who asked that we call him The Driver.

Property records indicate the 5,428 square foot single story sprawler was purchased way back in 1997 for $930,000 and it's well known that the kooky comedian has thrown some ka-razy parties here. In fact, back in 2006 the neighbors famously called the po-leese complaining that a nekkid basketball game was being played on Mister Foxx's private half-court. Yes children, that's right, nood basketball. Can you imagine anything less sexy? All that man-junk flying around hither and yon is not attractive and quite frankly it sounds more than a little painful. Mister Foxx claimed he was not home when the po-po showed up to put the kibosh on the game and has said that most of the nekkid dribblers were in fact ladees, a reasonable explanation from a man who has long battled rumors of enjoying the sexual company of another man every now and then. We're not sayin' anything, we're just sayin' that's what people say. As far as Your Mama knows, he's nothing but a full time ladee luver.

Anyhoo, listing information for Mister Foxx's Vanalden Avenue property indicates the entire property has been recently freshened up. And it certainly does look Spic and Span clean don't it children? However, since Your Mama never received an invitation to one of Mister Foxx's famous par-tays we can't say whether we're looking at the creamy beige handiwork of a nice gay decorator if a professional stager was paid the big bucks to clean the bodily fluids off the floors and truck in a butt load of comfortable looking but not particularly compelling furniture. Due to all the rolled up towels, potted orchids and beach balls floating in the pool, Your Mama suspects the latter.

Whatever the case, it's clear Mister Foxx did up and did over this house to be his own private Las Vegas. Listing information reveals that in addition to the three bedrooms and 2 full and 3 quarter baths (good heavens children, what is a damn quarter bath?) the 1949 renovated ranch includes a home gym (which isn't so surprising given the size of Mister Foxx's 40 year old pumped pex), a game room in the basement, a media/music room, and a sound proofed recording studio.

The backyard is a regular resort that includes a large deck along the back of the house for chillin' and grillin', large flat lawn areas for fierce games of croquet, a large rectangular pool with adjacent pool house, a sunken spa and, of course, the infamous half court sport court where all the unclothed sport magic happens.

There are a couple of additional features that stand out to Your Mama.

1. The televisions. There seems to be a boob-toob in every room. The kitchen alone has three...or are those small screens closed circuit? Hmm.

2. The bathtub. Appropriately done in a flesh tone, the behemoth bathtub will easily fit Mister Foxx and several large breasted bitches for some group tub love. Not pictured is an equally commodious and mulit-person friendly shower.

3. The aquariums: Your Mama is not a fan of the residential built in aquarium because too often they remind us of the orthodontist office where Sister Woman got her braces tightened. However, the two flanking the fireplace in the living room appeal more than most we've seen. If only that giant mirror above the fireplace was removed, we might actually be able to focus on the aquariums.

4. The kitchen: Sorry Mister Foxx, but it's disappointing. Well appointed and decently sized, but the speckled granite is dated. Listing information says there are SubZero and Wolf appliances, but that stove does not look like a damn Wolf, not with that puny hood. None the less, we'll allow that this room may in fact look better in person than in the photo.

5. The privacy: Or rather, the lack of it. We're shocked to see that Mister Foxx's landscapers did not plant privacy hedges around the property. It appears to Your Mama that the neighbors can peer right over the backyard fence in some spots. No wonder they called the po-leese on the nood ball players.

6. The pool house: We love it, or the idea of it. Not fond of the beige tile, but we note the convenient half bathroom, the mini-kitchen for pool side snacks and the dry sauna, perfect for a little heated up hankypanky.

7. Parking: Listing information indicates that there is parking for 10 cars, which pretty much makes the front of the mini-mansion a petite parking lot. However, if you're a party thrower, being able to put all the guest automobiles behind the drive gates is a sweet thing.

Now that Mister Foxx will be shacked up on a 40 acre mogul-style estate in rural Thousand Oaks where the nearest neighbors will need binoculars to see what's going on by the pool, the hard partying and high living Lothario can have all the naked basketball tournaments his little heart desires without risk of the po-po turning up to shut down the nood and naughty shenanigans.

87 comments:

I would be willing to do many things in life completely nekkid. Playing basketball is not one of them.

It looks staged. The decor is fairly inoffensive, yet completely impersonal. And I hate the glass block in the bath because I like a view from the tub and you can always have privacy glass or shades for those times when prying eyes would be inconvenient.

I'm with PCH; that faux clerestory's got to go, although without it the façade would be a touch too "Bee-yoo-tee Nails Salon" strip mall-ish.

Hate the fireplace surround in the living room, the trapezoids over the aquariums, and that sad ping pong table to boot.

Don't know much about the area (Tarzana may be nice for all I know, but it just sounds low rent) but for the size of the house and the amenities it seems to be a good buy - a virtually blank slate awaiting a nice gay decorator (or two).

Nekkid basketball? One wrong bounce to your basket with the ball and it's game over, my friends.

Sounds like most of you have never been to the home. If you had you'd know for the price - you can't beat the value. It has never been labeled anything other then a bachelor PAD (why are most of you trying to label it as something other - bet you this Bachelor PAD looks better then most of yours..

Who let Beetlejuice out again? Damn..here comes another 5 rants about the state of the market, followed by a virtual smackdown by all the children until he crawls back into a cave to lick his own butt.

First off, "what the fuck are you talking about these areas"--the whole site is to discuss any celeb/notworthy property ANYWHERE--that's why. The house is one of those plain, think they have taste arch achievements that doesn't stand the test of time or do anything "well". So, it get's unloaded for pennies on the $ for what it costs--you'd have to spend 5 to get that home. So, someone, with the mindframe of Jamie, when he bought it will be pleased. They get a deal for the place and their kids get to have FUN. Not a bad deal. It's no Gehry--but they saved 10 mil and have FUN.

a reasonable explanation "...from a man who has long battled rumors of enjoying the sexual company of another man every now and then. We're not sayin' anything, we're just sayin' that's what people say. As far as Your Mama knows, he's nothing but a full time ladee luver."

I love Jamie Foxx, he's a terrific actor, but this is a tacky house. There is something porno set-esque about the bathroom and kitchen, they're both beige city...ugly, tacky and tasteless. You can sort of imagine someone like Tawny Kitaen (or any other washed up 80s sexpot) taking a bubble bath in those contaminated waters. Oh and I hate the pool; a rectangle with absolutely no landscaping: horrific! Still love Jamie in 'Ray' though, good actor, terrible home owner.

Average Joe nobody here likes you plus you've been outed as Casey Serin. You have nothing witty or amusing to say about celebrity real estate and you have this rabid fantasy that real estate prices will go down 80%. I think you need some more medication.

Sorry I went a bit mental there but I found my medication and I've had a little rest and guess what? I'm feeling alot better. I just wanted to clear one thing up I am not into sheep,I'm more of a donkey fucker.

Sorry I went a bit mental there but I found my medication and I've had a little rest and guess what? I'm feeling alot better.I just wanted to clear one thing up I am not into sheep,I'm more of a getting fucked by donkeys.

Now we can tract your url for the authorities. I am excited to read about your capture soon. I will be in court to watch your prison sentence. Love and kisses from one of your many enemies. Have a nice stay for a long long time. Hope you find some good friends.

We at the Los Angeles Country Department of Mental Health Services sincerely apologize for the behavior of our patient, Mr. Joseph E. Medino (aka "Average Joe", "Ed From Westwood"). Mr. Medino escaped from custody by hiding his jello cups under his mattress until he had accumulated enough to spread and make the floor slippery, causing his social worker Miss Juwanna Mann to slip and fall upon entering his padded cell. Failure to receive his medications on schedule allowed his alternative personalities to escape the crevices of his mind. He is currently undergoing shock therapy and sedation in an attempt to corral his multiple personality disorder down to 2-3 voices.

He was captured this afternoon as he ran screaming and naked in front of the Sunset Blvd offices of Sotheby's International Realty, singing the words to the 1979 Knack hit “My Sharona”. Sharona Alperin, the real estate agent immortalized in the Knack hit contacted the Los Angeles Country Sheriffs Office. Ms. Alperin denies knowing Mr. Medino but does believe he have been behind a rash of crank calls her office received over the past year asking the highly successful agent to write offers for pennies on the dollar on some of her most desirable listings.

Ms. Juwanna Mann would also like to publically acknowledge that she is not nor has she ever been intimate with the patient. She pledges her undying love for her fiancé, Jerome “Killer” Waters.