An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walked into a pub. Each ordered a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.

The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one. The Scott took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer. The Irishman pinched the fly by the wings and yelled, "SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"

---

Dunleavy and Brennan were out on a river one morning, fishing from their rowboat without much luck -- and needing something to quench their thirst. Suddenly, Dunleavy landed a large fish, who spoke to the two men: "Sure, if you let me go, I'll grant you a single wish." Before Brennan could speak, Dunleavy blurted, "Turn the river into beer!" The fish said, "Done," and hopped back into the river -- which changed moments later as the fish had promised. Dunleavy proudly said, "So whadya think of me now?" Brennan replied, "I think you're a feckin' idiot. Now we gotta piss in the boat."

---

And did you hear about the Irishman who went to Rome and got so drunk that he kissed his wife and beat the pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel?

---

Two nuns are riding their bicycles around Dublin trying to find their way back to the convent, but they're lost. After twenty minutes or so, one says, "I've never come this way before." The other gives a knowing nod, "It's the cobblestones."