Faithfulness – a myth?

I’ve been meaning to do this post for a while now but really haven’t had the time or energy to do it. Immediately after Barcamp Nairobi I promptly feel sick! Yeah that’s right, I reached home and my flu symptoms went through the roof! I got a fever and headache so I took the next two days off!(Turns out it was a week, this post has been sitting in drafts for some time) So I’m here today back at work (and bored already).

This post is (was?) supposed to be a continuation from my last post and was supposed to have been done last week. I went out with my friends that weekend after Safaricom7s. We went obviously to Westy where we promptly got frozen at every joint we went to! All were asking for ID which we had but after they checked them they’d say 26 and over for dudes! Note: The honeys we were with weren’t frozen once! WTF?! What the point of having an ID if you can’t even get in to clubs? I always thought that we were given ID specially to let us into clubs and buy alcohol! Stupid idiots! Anyway we managed to sneak into Changes which was CROWDED!!! Everywhere was! It was a great time out!

But that’s not what this post is about today post is about something that happened earlier. While we waited at my boy’s house we regaled each other with stories of our past sexual exploits. And of course this story came up because the main actor in it was there (it was his house). Anyway as we went on talking the dude, I called him Tee last time, right? Well he told us that his girlfriend had found out he wasn’t being faithful.

He met this girl and she was hot!! But apparently her most defining feature is her massive ass! Also she works out so she’s rather lean. Anyway it turns out this girl is best friends with his girlfriend’s cousin. Who of course went and told her cousin and she called my boy, Tee, crying and stuff. He told me he has no idea where he got the game to convince her that he was sorry and that he’d never do anything to hurt her again. He said something like he hadn’t, until that point, been taking the relationship seriously but promised to do so from then on.

Of course as his best friends we knew better and we all put down bets saying how long he’d last on monogamy lane. I first said 2 months, another said 2 weeks and I revised mine to one week. Guess who was right? Well one week later he was seen with a another girl coming from his house. Of course it can’t be confirmed whether anything happened but…

Well that brings me to today’s question. What’s with people, while I only know guys I mean both sexes, having this inability to remain faithful? Is faithfulness really a myth? I mean it really can’t be that hard, can it? I never been in a tempting situation because, well, I’ve never been in a relationship so I always wonder what would happen if it did happen. Would I hold up? Judging from my friends its impossible.

Anyway, my thoughts on this? I personally think it’s disgusting that people can’t remain faithful to their chosen partners. Why choose then? Stay single and do your shit! Why put your partner through that torture? But, hey, what do I know? More educated/experienced people(and anyone else) are welcome sound off in the comments about what you think because this is confusing. Peace!

I used to reason the way you do until i was cheated on…I have loved the same guy for years and it broke my heart to pieces. Though i am still with the said guy(i still love him – i know, messed up)i am more inclined to cheat now more than ever before just to get even, in some warped way of thinking.I agree with you that if you cannot keep it in your pants, you'd rather stay single and i still believe that it is possible to stay faithful, it's up to your principles.

I was in relationship where I got cheated on and kept forgiving and taking him back because I was afraid of whats 'out there'. After a while, I also started cheating to 'get back'.

Anyhow, once I decided to get out and promised to be faithfull to my next one, I met the most wonderful man possible. We have been monogamous for 6 years…we get tempted( at least I know I do) but having being cheated on, I know the feeling.Faithfullness is possible.

@GNM Thanks for commenting! I didn't know that gay people in Kenya cheat on each other. Always thought that I was a small community so everyone knows everything about everyone but I guess I was wrong.:) Thanks for shading some light on this faithfulness thing and for the compliment! I'm gald you like it!

He he…..I think in a bid to stay in the closet, I overdid stuff… I am 39 and he is 28.

6 years is indeed long even for hetero relationship and its 20 in gay years LOL. Seriously though, it takes work and committment to make anything work and ours have been a blessing. I have written about it on my blog

If I decide to be in a relationship, am faithful 100%. However, since I've never been in an actual relationship that lasted a long time, I'll call myself a serial monagamist! It's one person at a time!

I think the problem is that people assume that if they are really in love, they'll stay faithful – but there are two different things at stake. Relationships are about feelings, about love. Cheating is, often, only about sex. And the thing is, it's not because one is in love that one is only sexually attracted to the person one is in love with.

And the bad thing about cheating is not really having sex with another person. It's lying to one's partner, betraying their trust by doing something against the rules of their relationship and not telling them about it. That's why it's bad.

To be honest… well, I'm asexual and aromantic, so of course maybe this will seem weird… but I don't understand why romantic relationships have to be sexually exclusive. Feelings seem the most important to me, so why not differentiate sex and love – expect emotional faithfulness but not necessarily sexual faithfulness?

Another thing. Since the breach of trust is the worst thing about cheating, maybe having sex with someone else than one's partner would not hurt the partner so much if they were told about it before.

For instance, one of my friends had a rule with her boyfriend (who is now her husband – they've been together for nearly 7 years now). They said that if one of them wanted to have sex with another person, they'd have to tell the other first and discuss it with them before doing anything. She told me that once she was tempted and she talked about his to her boyfriend, trying to decide if she would have sex with the other guy or not. Eventually, she decided not to. It wasn't out of guilt or for not hurting him, she just decided she didn't want it all that much.

Just some thoughts from someone who has a hard time understanding it all 🙂

@Sgyreju I totally agree with you being in love does not mean that one will stay faithful. I'm not so sure your suggestion would work here in Kenya, we're not that liberal, heck, I don't even think I'm that liberal, not yet anyway.You have a good understanding the issue despite being asexy and aromantic. We really do need to differentiate love and sex. Perhaps only then can we form realistic expectations of our partners.I always look forward to your comments because you really take your time to think about what you write. Thanks@Savvykenya What do you think about what @Sgyreju has said?

I think the problem is that people assume that if they are really in love, they'll stay faithful – but there are two different things at stake. Relationships are about feelings, about love. Cheating is, often, only about sex. And the thing is, it's not because one is in love that one is only sexually attracted to the person one is in love with.

And the bad thing about cheating is not really having sex with another person. It's lying to one's partner, betraying their trust by doing something against the rules of their relationship and not telling them about it. That's why it's bad.

To be honest… well, I'm asexual and aromantic, so of course maybe this will seem weird… but I don't understand why romantic relationships have to be sexually exclusive. Feelings seem the most important to me, so why not differentiate sex and love – expect emotional faithfulness but not necessarily sexual faithfulness?

Another thing. Since the breach of trust is the worst thing about cheating, maybe having sex with someone else than one's partner would not hurt the partner so much if they were told about it before.

For instance, one of my friends had a rule with her boyfriend (who is now her husband – they've been together for nearly 7 years now). They said that if one of them wanted to have sex with another person, they'd have to tell the other first and discuss it with them before doing anything. She told me that once she was tempted and she talked about his to her boyfriend, trying to decide if she would have sex with the other guy or not. Eventually, she decided not to. It wasn't out of guilt or for not hurting him, she just decided she didn't want it all that much.

Just some thoughts from someone who has a hard time understanding it all 🙂