I was recently asked to give a lecture, or a series of lectures, on the topic of marital issues in our communities. So the notes I prepared were organized to present the issues one may encounter before getting married first, such as the characteristics to look for in the husband and the wife; celibacy; getting to know the spouse before the marriage, etc. And then address issues encountered once married.

I thought that I would share these notes on this blog, as they may perhaps be of interest to some readers… The following is a first entry in a series of entries on the topic of Introduction to Islamic Teachings on Marital Issues: the general characteristics of the husband.

This entry (part 1 of 2) is about unrealistic expectations we impose on the role our spouses are supposed to play in our relationship.

We all have a fantasized, idealized version of the human being we want to spend the rest of our life with. There is nothing wrong with that, and it is even healthy. We are all entitled to have the image of our perfect partner in all dimensions of life. We all deserve to be happy with them. And as we forge our way through the ups and downs of life, it is perfectly fine for us all to think about what kind of partner we need by our side, to complement and complete us. We should all have some idea of what we want and need in life, and what our standards are. But this can quickly slip into very unrealistic expectations to which we adhere too rigidly, and which we try to impose on ourselves and on them.

This specific entry (part 2 of 2) is about letting one’s cultural, social, and familial environments dictate, directly or indirectly their spousal relationship. If you’re not ready to examine the sources of your thinking about your spousal relationship, then don’t bother wasting both of our times…

This specific entry (part 1 of 2) is about letting one’s cultural, social, and familial environments dictate, directly or indirectly their spousal relationship. If you’re not ready to examine the sources of your thinking about your spousal relationship, then don’t bother wasting both of our times…

If you are the kind of person who craves to be loved and who chronically needs someone else’s approval, you need to fix that before you get into a relationship – and if you’re already in one, then you better get on fixing yourself immediately!