humor, recovery, horseracing, kvetching, spirituality ... or whatever's on my mind, one day at a time.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Need Your Hooha Steamed?

Women are funny about their vajayjays.

It used to be that women never even trimmed their crotch hair. Big ole bushes were the norm. And if our vaginas got skunky, we douched. Or got a DNC. (And by that, I don't mean the Democratic National Convention.) Nope, I distinctly recall one of my foster mothers raving about how much better she'd felt after getting a DNC. I guess doctors used to perform this procedure on women who felt punky and unfresh. Then again, doctors also used to use vibrators on women as a cure for hysteria.

I guess if I had a cute doctor, I might be going in for office visits, complaining of hysteria on a regular basis.

Anyway, nowadays, douches are passe (revealed as prone to causing vaginal infections), and we hail the hooha as a self-cleaning oven. Any smart woman owns at least one vibrator of her own, and most of us are more educated about what makes us feel good.

Alas, it seems that once women start to feel empowered and comfortable with their genitalia, society decides to raise the bar a little higher. I'm not against trimming (heck, all that hair can get in the way; a nice trim provides easier access), and women with shaved or waxed vajayjays are just hot. (Landing strips are just silly, though. I don't get the point, unless you feel your partner needs a runway, and if so, then get a new partner or train this one better.)

No, now we're supposed to vajazzle our vajayjays so we shimmer down there like a disco ball. Or if we're too stretched out from childbearing or other rigorous sexual activity, we can have our hoohas surgically retightened (vaginoplasty). And now some spas in LA are offering a new treatment: steaming your vagina. Yup. You straddle a stool over a boiling kettle of herbs and steam your precious lady for a half hour or so.

All because our vaginas supposedly have nasty little teeth that otherwise bite.

(Okay, not really.)

Look. When are women going to feel good about themselves JUST THE WAY THEY ARE? If you keep Ms. Puss clean and reasonably trimmed, and if you eat a healthy diet, you're fine. Stay away from spicy food and asparagus if you know things are going to get intimate. Take in a little more citrus than usual. The same holds true for men.

You don't see men being told to bejazzle their balls or soak their peckers in vinegar, do you?

Words to Live By

"You must give up everything, in order to gain everything. What must you give up? Everything that is not truly you; all that you have chosen without choosing and value without evaluating. All your self-doubt that keeps you from trusting and loving yourself or other human beings. What will you gain? Only your own true self; a self who is at peace, who is able to truly love and be loved, and who understands who and what she is meant for. But you can be yourself only if you are no one else. You must give up "their" approval, whoever they are, and look to yourself for evaluation of success and failure, in terms of your own level of aspiration that is consistent with your values. Nothing is simpler and nothing is more difficult." -- Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross