Saturday, 4 January 2014

Pussy Cat Pussy Cat where have you been?

Well I haven't been to London to visit the queen, but I did get to experience something a lot more interesting.

I love when people say that something is interesting, it makes it hard to judge whether it's something good, something bad or something average yet worth noting. Well, my interesting experience is as follows;

On the 19th of November I went for a scan to see if there were any cysts and to generally check out what was going on in the baby factory so that we could decide what our next step was in regards to assisted fertility. I felt good about it initially and the lady that did the scan was nice and chatty until about half way through. I watched her face go really stern and she stopped talking. I was freaked out! She got up and told me that she would be back shortly and left the room, at that point I was about ready to burst into tears. She returned with a different attachment for the ultrasound wand and continued the scan with a deadpan look on her face. At the end of the scan she asked when I was going back to the doctor and suggested that I do it as soon as possible. I almost ran out of there and went to sit in my car and cry.

I went to my doctor 2 days later to find out the results of my scan, I was really nervous but felt a little comforted by the fact that the doctor hadn't called me the previous day. I went in, had a chat and my doctor read the report. She looked at my images and said that while there was no cause for alarm right now, things didn't look as they should and that it would be best if I went for an internal scan to get a better look. She showed me the images of my ovaries and pointed to the fact that the one on the left was over twice the size it should be, misshapen and rather dense. She gave me a few options about what it might be but told me that there was no way to be sure until the next scan. She was very kind and rang the radiology clinic to get me an appointment the following Monday.

Monday came and went. The radiology clinic messed up and I had to rebook it for December 3rd. I rang my doctor but she wasn't able to get me in any earlier. I had to wait.

While driving to my scan I felt sick. It had been 2 weeks since my initial scan and still there were no answers, just an oversize ovary and the words of a concerned doctor. The scan went well and the technician was chatty and friendly the whole time, no look of concern or doom. Once we were finished, I asked him if everything was ok, of course he just told me to see my doctor. I asked him again and when he saw that I was about to cry he asked why I was so worried. I told him that I was concerned that with everything else going on, this might be the final thing that determines whether or not I was ever going to be a mother. He looked me in the eyes, smiled and said 'I don't see any reason you couldn't be a mother some day.' I said thank you and said goodbye. Those 12 words made me feel on top of the world. I called my husband and then went to tell my parents the good news.

You see, the first technician was concerned that she had discovered indicators of Ovarian Cancer. My doctor was concerned that my test results and scans indicated Ovarian Cancer. Consequently, my husband, parents, friends and I all became concerned that I may soon be diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and it was the a crazy long 2 weeks for all of us.

I initially took a break to focus on getting all my tests and stuff organised so we could start making progress towards IVF. After my interesting experience, I decided that I just wanted to enjoy the rest of the year and that the fertility testing could wait until 2014. So that's what we did. We pushed it all aside.

Looking back, I'm glad that it happened. It was scary, but it really helped me put my life into perspective. I just hope I never have to experience something like that again.

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On a side note...

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I'm Steph...

I'm not perfect, my hair doesn't stay in the right place and I often mess up. I'm pretty clumsy and sometimes I don't say or do what I should. Some days I wake up and feel on top of the world and other days nothing seems to go right. But when I stop, take a deep breath and think about it, I remember how amazing my life is and how truly wonderful it is to be me.

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