Outside Looking In

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my eyes and all is born again.
— Sylvia Plath, “Mad Girl’s Love Song”

The honeymoon period? Where we were enamored with the exotic newness of Romania? Well, it’s over. The books said this would happen. But, honestly, I thought it had skipped us. Skipped me.

Not so.

I long to buy the same brand of jelly at the grocery store from one month to the next. I long for people to obey a stop sign. I long for inches and ounces. I am an outsider looking in at this culture, this society, these strangers, and wondering if I fit. Or how I fit. Or if I even want to fit.

And then, with one call, a friend shows up to help free our car from the latest deluge of snow. A magic show and a bus trip around the city enamor the children with their school all over again. A lost mitten placed on our doorstep by an anonymous neighbor comforts my bruised, exhausted soul.

I remember that I am happy here. That I want to be here, that we want to be here.

I look in the back corner of my mind and find reserves of strength and patience. I see the ways my children accept so much: innocent, curious, honest. I notice how we have built a home here, with jars of beans, stacks of craft projects, and cups of tea to cut through every evening’s chill.

I look in so that I can look out. And see that “all is born again.”

Where do you look for inspiration, motivation, or rejuvenation? How do your children (or anonymous neighbors) help? And what’s your favorite kind of tea?

I hear you!! I’ll never forget what a friend from home said to me when I was in my post-honeymoon dip in Japan…I’d been feeling depressed and just down about a lot of things and she said, “well, you’ve had bad days at home too.” I remember being jolted by that. In fact, I had had *a lot* of bad days back home, and I was having some amazing experiences that would’ve been impossible had I not gone to Japan. The dip is totally natural, and you are doing the right thing by allowing your heart and eyes to receive those good moments and gestures in the midst of the miserable winter and homesickness. Seriously, this will pass, and then you will come out on the other side, a more balanced place where you see the good and bad but are happy where you are, just as you were back home.

We are already talking about a welcome home party for you, Momma. We will defintely welcome the rest of the family properly!! lol. We just know Momma needs some of her good ole fashion girl time with some chocolate and maybe some wine!We miss you all. looking forward to June with playdates, margaritas , and more.
Hugs to you,
Missi