I am feeling less daunted by my commitment to this Twelvemonth practice of extending love to epic fears. I feel supported, guided and curious within myself about where we are going.

In the beginning, when the idea was first forming I thought I knew where I would start (money, food, stress etc.) but when fear of commitment was suggested by Holy Spirit I knew this would be a journey for me instead of just by me.

Yesterday I heard my commitment calling like a friend who wanted to play rather than a taskmaster who demanded perfection. I couldn’t help but join in the fun. If I think of 365 days of a daily commitment I can come up with at least 20 reasons why I might have to bow out gracefully:

busy, working, sick, family commitments, car won’t start, Crocker Docent duties, laundry, tired, do not really HAVE to do this, its not a “real” job, who’s going to know but me anyway, my other writing projects, my head hurts, my husband/children need me, my friends need me, I have too many appointments today, the drought in California requires time and planning to remember which I can water the yard, the dogs need walking, “I” need walking, I don’t want to……

Whoa! Maybe I need to print out these 20 reasons and extend love to them whenever I am tempted to sell myself short and abdicate, ignore or forget my commitment. To the many reasons I would secretly like to give myself why I should not, cannot, “so sorry dahhhling it is impossible today, maybe tomorrow” honor my commitment to my Self:

I extend reflection to this thought.

Strangely, the first thing that comes to me is fear of seeing my reflection in a mirror, like I might see a morphing melting face with the skeleton poking through.

What if I did see that?

What then?

I extend fearlessness to this thought.

Oh I could look any way. What’s the harm, it is just a reflection in a mirror.

Holy Spirit, will you look with me? You ARE my own fearlessness.

HS: My Own Darling One,

Contrary to what is regularly believed, Beauty is not “skin deep”. Your Beauty is a facet of your true nature, long after the body melts back into the dust of the ground your Beauty and eternal perfection will reign forever untouched by the temporary fears you give yourself to experience.

Let us look together in the mirror tomorrow and I will tell you what I see.