A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up..' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't knowhow you can beso stupid and sobeautiful all atthe same time.'The wiferesponded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautifulso you would beattracted to me; God made mestupid so I would beattracted to you!

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

A manwalks into a pharmacyand wanders up & down the aisles..The sales girl notices himand asks him if she can help him.He answers that he is looking fora box of tampons for his wife. She directs him downthe correct aisle.A few minutes later,he depositsa huge bag of cottonballs and a ball of string on the counter.She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?He answers, 'You see,it's like this,yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a cartonof cigarettes, andshe came backwith a tin of tobaccoand somerollingpapers; causeit's sooo-ooo--oo-ooomuch cheaper.So, I figureif I have to roll my own. so does she..

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.