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Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his
first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my
old truck in the corral," Joe began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie retorted.
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down
beside her."

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat
down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked,
"Going to a party?"
"Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of
the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana.
Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he
explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and
castration!"
"Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration?
That's absurd!"
"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just
suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"

The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously
awaiting news of their mother.
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom.
"Kid's......there's good news and bad news."
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to
live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago"
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"