4 More Dating Mistakes Even Smart Men Make

Yesterday, we went over the first half of 8 common mistakes any one of us, or all of us make on our first dates (assuming I'm included as one of the "smart guys," and you know what they say: When you assume you make an ass out of "you" and "me"). With a little help from our commenters, what follows is the next four items in what should ideally be a list in progress:

If we could see ourselves after too many drinks, we wouldn't want to date us either. Add nerves to this equation,one or two beers—I think it probably works the best with charm. As well, one of my greatest flaws is my short-term memory—it's terrible—another factor that's multiplied after too many drinks. Not exactly a winning combination when trying to get to know someone.

John: "Oh man, you sound like you work really hard. You probably get that from studying business at Penn."

I know. I know. Some guys work in the Peace Corps or run rehab centers for puppies or star in their own sitcoms, but the vast majority of us have normal, boring jobs, that frankly, don't make for great date conversation.

I write about TV and movies and celebrities from time to time, and yes, those things can be interesting and fun to talk about, but what I really do is spend a great deal of time in front of a laptop, staring at a blank screen, or debating whether to use the word "maybe" or "perhaps."

Your job is not who you are, it's what you do, and while it does take up 10 hours of your day, the details, past "this funny thing happened at work today" are probably best kept off the table at first.

Besides, he should be asking about you!

Following up too hard, fast and often.

You had a good date—she was receptive to your playful banter; you guys both thought that the Where The Wild Things Are movie went nowhere; she said she'd like to see you again; you even got a kiss goodnight—great. Now breathe. In fact, take two breaths. All your romantic instincts may be telling you to grab your phone and start texting.

It won't hurt to tell her how much fun you had, right? It's probably a good idea to lock down that next date, right? She'd probably want to know what you're doing later that night, just in case she wants to come over, right?

WRONG.

Take the phone, place it on the other side of your home, and leave it there. Do not approach the phone. Do not glance at the phone. Forget the phone exists. The phone is kryptonite and you are Superman. Touch it, and you become weak.

There's no hard and fast rule here (on how many days, hours, or weeks you wait to call), except one: Don't appear over-eager. There is nothing less sexy than the smell of desperation. Time has the power to cleanse. Wait until it feels like the right time. Call her. Magic.

4. Looking for perfection—or what my mom would call nitpicking—or the opposite.

I stole this one directly from Brenda Della Casa's reciprocal list for women. But it holds for both. Men have idiotic, ridiculous, unrealistic standards for women to meet on a first date. Entire sitcoms have been written about our ability to write someone off for the stupidest of reasons:

"She looked like she might get old quickly."

"Her perfume was weird."

"She smelled like butter."

"Her eyebrows were weird."

"She ordered two appetizers."

"She used the word dichotomy too much."

"She's a liberal."

"She's a conservative."

"I dated her cousin at camp when we were 13."

"She knows people I work with."

"Her jaw was too strong."

None of these are legit reasons not to see someone again. It's entirely possible that he does have legit reasons, but these are not them. These are excuses. And they go the other way too.

I know plenty of guys who will keep going on dates because they are lonely, or because she's hot, or because they can't find anyone they really like, or because they just feel like they should. Worse than excuses, these situations are a waste of everyone's time. And there's no excuse for that.

__Do you agree with these? What major missteps have you made on a first date? What major missteps have you witnessed? Any major missteps turned out for the better?