Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Thinning the Herd

We all saw
this day coming. The bunting was taken down in the middle of the night before
all the votes were counted. The doe-eyed, idealistic, young volunteers were
sent on their way with a pat on the head and a handful of Applebee’s coupons. The
spouses have been dressed in their finest “it’s over” outfits, the concession
suits have been pulled from their suitcases. Yes, as a nation we need to take a
deep breath of Iowa
air filled with animal fecal matter and accept that we’ve lost 2 more.

Martin O’Malley
from the democratic side and Mike Huckabee from the republican side.

Two
presidential candidates no one ever gave a damn about have finally heard our
mumbles of apathy.

This is
Martin’s first run at the presidency so I’m sure it will be tougher on him, that
fact that he wasted so much money and time and got through to basically nobody.
And only getting 8 out of 1400 votes cast has got to be like Bernie Sanders twisting a pair of pliers on his nut sack.

For
Huckabee? Well, he’s an old hand at this. This is presidential campaign number
2 that’s caught on fire like a stack of old rubber tires and burned the night
away, leaving behind only the acrid, oily smell of condescension and bigotry.

These men
will now be gone from the campaign trail and we will not miss them. We won’t
miss Martin’s lack of personality or coherent message. We won’t miss him not
having a valid reason for running for president in a season that has a Clinton and grass roots
favorite Bernie Sanders as opponents. We won’t miss the twinkle in Mike
Huckabee’s eyes that was him saying “Listen to me, I’m smarter than you.” We
won’t miss his unwavering support of Josh Duggar who molested his sisters,
cheated on his wife and apparently liked having sex so rough even hookers
didn’t want his money. Money made from working at the Family Research Council.
Mike Huckabee supports that.

Goodbye to
two more of the rogue’s gallery of idiots who thought they could be president.
We didn’t want you, we don’t need you, we’re not sorry you’re gone.