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Diamond Comics Distributors released their may sales charts, and X-Men #1, a new series by Brian Wood and Olivier Coipel that features an all-female cast of X-Men, took the number one spot on the charts. It's a pretty big deal for an all-female team book to be a top seller like this, and we're pretty impressed by it, but some people might be taking things a little too far. In response to the news, ignorant fanboys that we made up so we could mock certain attitudes are cheering the end of sexism and a new age of equality in the comic book industry.

"I feel really good about myself because of this," said William Anderson, a male comic book reader who doesn't really understand the scope and history of institutionalized sexism. "When I bought a copy of X-Men #1, a book featuring an all female team, I knew that I was striking a blow for civil rights."

"It's great to see my efforts pay off with a complete end to sexism," he added, satisfied. "We really did a great thing here."

Indeed. It seems that the open-mindedness of white males has done a lot to improve the lives of everyone else lately.

"First we ended racism when we elected Barack Obama," remarked a smug Allen Waits, a white, male reader. "So I knew it was only a matter of time before we took care of sexism too."

"What's next?" he mused. "Are there even any problems left for white men to solve?"

According to some, there's still work to be done.

"I was pleasantly surprised to see women in X-Men," said Wayne Garcia, a fourteen year old freshman student browsing 4chan. "But I was disappointed to see that all of them were wearing all of their clothing. I guess this is the price we pay for progress."

Others are just glad to put this whole sexism thing behind them and get back to business as usual.

"Now that we've had one top-selling comic that focuses on entirely on women," said George Rivera, a retail employee who's still angry that women aren't throwing themselves at him for having a minimum wage job and his own bathroom at the house he shares with his grandmother, "I hope that the industry can declare sexism dead so that we can go back to producing only comics featuring white males with women in marginalized roles."

Unfortunately, The Outhouse was unable find a female comic reader to comment on the article. All declined to comment and appeared to be quite ungrateful for our decision to end their oppression buy purchasing a comic book, save for one who said "surely you're not fucking serious?" when told of the headline for the article.

Of course we're serious. And don't call us Shirley. That's a girl's name.

Here's Diamond's press release:

Diamond Announces Top Products for May 2013

(BALTIMORE, MD) — (June 7, 2013) — The world's female mutants gather together in Brian Wood and Olivier Coipel's X-Men #1 from Marvel Comics, the best-selling comic book to specialty retailers in May 2013, according to information provided by Diamond Comic Distributors, the world's largest distributor of comics, graphic novels, and pop culture merchandise.

Marvel Comics was May's leading publisher with a 33.36% market share in retail dollars and a 37.44% market share in units. DC Entertainment was second with a 28.27% share in dollars and a 30.84% share in units. May's comics sales increased overall by nearly 7% over April and graphic novels by nearly 16%. Comics sales through the end of May are up 15% over last year.

BOOM! Studios' first original Adventure Time graphic novel, Adventure Time: Playing With Fire by Danielle Corsetto and Zack Sterling, was May's best-selling graphic novel.

DC Comics' popular Teen Titans franchise joined the HeroClix gaming table in May with the DC HeroClix: Teen Titans Booster Brick, the best-selling game product to direct market retailers for the month.

"Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols.""Oh, the pointing again! They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?""Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?"""Timey" what? "Timey wimey"?"

IvCNuB4 wrote:The Old Doctor is Cat-Scratch ?Well that explains a lot :lol:

"Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols.""Oh, the pointing again! They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?""Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?"""Timey" what? "Timey wimey"?"

IvCNuB4 wrote:The Old Doctor is Cat-Scratch ?Well that explains a lot :lol: