101 Tips For Living

Mai 9, 2009

* Yes, you do have to floss.
* Avoid staying out past midnight three nights in a row.
* Learn how to speak before groups.
* When people don’t invite you to parties, you really shouldn’t go.
* Drink plenty of coffee.
* People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
* When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
* Do thirty-push ups before you shower each morning.
* Learn how to fly-fish.
* Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them. Ask someone for an introduction.
* You cannot always make amends with people.
* Buy furniture that you think is too small for your apartment. It isn’t.
* Hang your clothes up when you take them off.
* Except sweaters. Those get folded.
* You may remove your jacket and roll up your sleeves. The tie may not be loosened.
* It’s not that you’re unphotogenic. That’s just how you look.
* Do not use an electric razor.
* Deserts are for women. Order one and pretend you don’t mind that she’s eating yours.
* Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.
* Subscribe to a small-circulation magazine.
* After one day of hanging, your tie should be rolled and placed in a drawer.
* Throw parties.
* When you admire the work of artists or writers, tell them.
* And spend money to acquire their work.
* Yes, you do have to buy her dinner.
* Staying angry is a waste of energy.
* Revenge can be a good way of getting over anger.
* Do not make a second date while you are still on your first.
* If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid very loud clubs.
* No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.
* Never date an ex of your friend.