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Monthly Archives: April 2012

Today was one of those days where I felt all hope was gone. In the morning and throughout the day, things werent going the way I wanted them to and at those moments I really felt hopeless. But I now realize the grace and love that my lord and Jesus Christ has for me. Today was my church’s 14th anniversary and we started service at 3pm. Now, I don’t have a permit or my license let alone a car so I take the train to church and this lady who normally picks me up from the station was running late; so I ended up waiting close to 30minutes at the train station for her and I missed praise and worship, which I never like to do. While all of this was happening, I was kind of questioning my faith in God because things were going wrong the entire week. When I got to church, after about 15 minutes, the choir sang a special number which was William McDowell’s “I Wont Go Back.” I never heard this song and I wasn’t in the mood to engage in a worship session so I was just staring at them. But as soon as they started singing the words struck a serious chord in my heart. These lyrics particularly

“I’ve been changed:
Healed
Freed
Delivered

I’ve found joy
Peace
Grace
And favor”

And I began tearing because I completely negated where God had taken me from and I forgot that doubting God’s plan for my life made HIM angry with us. As if that weren’t enough, these lyrics came up:

“I won’t go back, I can’t go back, to the way it used to be
Before your presence came and changed me”

:Sigh: Feeling and experiencing a minuet encounter of God’s experience will leave you wanting more. I had my first genuine experience with the Lord when I became re-born again in 2010. So, this song reminded me of the olden days and made me wanting to GO HARDER AND DEEPER IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.

It’s amazing that GOD ALWAYS knows how to comfort and encourage HIS own.

This song made me realize (once again) that the circumstances around me are irrelevant to my worship and adulation of the MOST HIGH GOD. Lord, I’m Sorry. I make this declaration today that I wont go back, I cant go back, to the way it used to be Before your presence came and changed me!!

“For those of you who don’t know me outside of the cyber world, I’ll let you in on something. I transferred schools this past semester; and let me tell you adjusting has not been easy, especially considering I’m in an entirely different state. I guess it didn’t occur to me when I decided to transfer schools that there would be such difficulty in adjustment. Classes aren’t as tough but “the friend thing” has been taking a toll on me.

I have been eating by myself in the dining hall at this particular school since September but I didn’t think anything of it. Besides, I thought, “I’m confident in my skin, I don’t need people around me to validate my personality or independence.” “Eagles are independent and often alone,” I said trying to compare myself to the greatest bird of all time as if that would make me feel better.

Little did I know, the impact my self-conscious had on me.

Today at around 6:30pm, after my class I went to the dining hall for dinner. My initial plan was to sit down and eat dinner no matter who was around but as soon as I walked into the dining hall, I saw flocks of friends congregating and enjoying meals with one another and I almost changed my mind. But my biological needs didn’t allow that “mind-change” to last for more than a minute. I was really hungry so I just grabbed the Chicken Alfredo that the chef just prepared and I went to look for a seat.

I ended up sitting all the way in the back of the right side of the dining hall because the place was extremely packed with students. I began eating my food and just “enjoying” the lack of taste the dish offered. After about my 5th bite, I glanced the entire right side of the dining hall and I looked back at myself and I noticed that I was the only person eating alone. The amount of embarrassment I felt upon noticing that is completely incomparable. Although, no one really paid any attention to me, I felt my level of confidence drop to a negative number. I felt really horrible inside although my demeanor and facial expression showed otherwise.

I came back to my room and in Google I typed “Eating Alone” juts to see if anyone else experienced what I was going through. Interestingly enough, I found an article that re-assured my confidence and independence.

This blog was initially created because i Regularly have nomadic thoughts, i LOVE writing and on occasion, (some people say) I talk a lot. I like to say, I happen to enjoy long discussions, frequently :-).

Either way, I’ve decided to share some of my inner-thoughts and ideas with the larger world to see if other people share my sentiments.

The goal of this blog is to be most transparent with my words.

Now if you’re reading this blog, you are probably wondering what omi stands for.
Well, its not to expansive:
Omi translates to water in a language that i find very interesting— Yoruba —from Nigeria, West Africa

The essence behind the name of this blog is as follows:

Simply Put, I want my blog posts to be a type of sustenance for my readers. We obviously all need water to survive and my hope is that readers of OMI:sourceofsustenance will be dependent on it for weekly doses of passion-filled, transparent, discussions.

I hope you’re excited to follow me on this Journey… (that i started two years ago and am now reviving). #LetsGo! #I’mback