Life Span Development Final Project

Kate Pangborn
FHS 1500-043-SP13
Final Project
Prof. Suzy Santos

My name is Kate Pangborn, although it is legally Katilyn; I am a 25-year-old female Caucasian, newly wed, living in Salt Lake City Utah. I am of many mixed descents, from the upper regions of Europe and Scandinavia; most notably, I am of the 3rd generation born stateside from my mothers’ relatives. When I look at pictures from the area of Gävle, Sweden – I can see exactly why my great grandparents chose to move to Duluth, Minnesota so many years back. The North Shore of Minnesota remarkably resembles the Eastern coast of Sweden. My mother and father grew up in Minnesota and met each other while in college. Some years later they married, my father joined the US Air Force, and my parents began to make their way across the globe.

I have two siblings, Thomas (31), and my sister Kristin (29), the three of us children were all born on Air Force Bases spanning the globe. My brother was born in the Philippines, my sister in West Virginia, and me in Florida. At a young age we all had passports and were lucky enough to be able move with our father each time he was re-stationed – even abroad. And thus begins my story…

In first year back my parents noticed that the birthmark I had on my forehead, seemed to be growing. Soon she found out that this little growth on her baby girl was a stage 1 cancerous melanoma, within days I was rushed to surgery to have it removed. Two years later it had regrown, despite treatments, I had to undergo surgery for its removal once more. {To this day, I have not retested positive!}

I was quite young the first time we moved, I was only 2 (1989) as I began my world travels as we moved our family from our cozy beach home in Florida to the dusty war zone of Saudi Arabia. I wish I could say I remembered this experience, but honestly all I really know about those days are from pictures and stories. Once the war became too dangerous for our family to stay by our father’s side, the rest of the family packed up and moved to Kansas to join our grandparents, to wait out the Gulf War (1990). Although memories are a bit unclear from that age of my life, I remember LOVING living with my grandparents as they had a pool, and my mother nicknamed me the “rock star” child as my hair went from and bleach blonde to electric green from all of the chlorine in the pool. After the war was over we were privileged to be able to travel across the globe with my parents and see many incredible places. I am so thankful to my parents that they valued travel and seeing other cultures, even at a young age I can still remember some of the culture shock that we had on our travels, as well as being the culture shock, as most Americans were not traveling through the Middle East right after the Gulf War. The fact that my parents’ valued travel so much instilled into me the desire to do the same with my children if/when the Lord blesses me with them.

We moved to Utah when the war was over, and my father was stationed at Hill Air Force base until he retired in 1996. After his retirement from the service our family moved to Duluth, Minnesota to be with our extended family since our grandparents had moved back north from Kansas. We lived in Minnesota until 2001, when the events of 9/11 drove my father to join TSA’s bomb squad, and he was stationed back into Salt Lake City. Since then we have made Utah our home.

When we moved back to Utah, I struggled with finding a crowd; I came from a tiny city and went to a very small school with only 20 students in my grade. Beginning high school at a new location with a large class size, and not knowing anyone really made fitting in hard. I loved to dance, and do gymnastics, but teams had all been assembled and I could not join midyear. I exceled in school but making friends was not easy. I quickly found a group of students, however, I never should have begun my association with them, yes, they were smart, and we all excelled greatly at school. However, we figured ways to skip classes and still maintain our 4.0’s. Until, it all came tumbling down, I didn’t even really realize how two faced I had become, I had incredible grades, but any class that was not AP, I never attended, and soon began sneaking out to party with these girls.

I ultimately landed myself in trouble when one of my AP teachers called my mother worried about how I looked in class. Bam. Door shut. I was in total lockdown for the remainder of my junior year, and was transferred to a private school for my senior year. It was at this new school where I began to find myself, and my place in this world, and within our community. Throughout high school I had struggled with connecting within a community to create a positive difference that would last. Transferring schools placed me into a new culture widened my eyes and really showed me that people matter, not just grades – at this academy we had monthly service projects within our community. Through these service projects I learned that life isn’t about me, it’s about connecting, it’s about joining together to create a better tomorrow, for everyone. It showed me that I really want to be in a career that helps people with what they cannot help themselves.

At the beginning of college (2005), I desired to work in social work, I aimed my goals towards working with the alcohol and drug rehab crowd and really loved all of the interactions that I had within that group. However, deep within me my soul ached with a disease that I had hidden for years and was able to moderately keep under-wraps. One day I collapsed, I was unable to breathe, and could barely think long enough to call for help. Anorexia had barred is gnarly teeth through everything I had worked for, and was ready to destroy every bridge I had built along the way. I soon found my self-living back in my parents home and attending individual and group therapy, and feeling lost as ever. I doubted everything that I had desired, “How could I help others, if I couldn’t control this disease?” My mind was warped, and I felt hopeless. My community was my family, and my culture was one I could no longer take part. I didn’t know what to do, society has thrived off of an image of skin and bones, and I fell for it. I didn’t want to be part of society any more, if my disease is what it stood for, I was a soul lost to depression. Years later I look back on those moments of tender reality and remember that I am a survivor. I use the skills that I have gained through those years of painful therapy to help aid young women who have fallen into the same trap. I have become connected to a community that I was once not a part of, and rejoined a culture from a different standpoint. I stand here, today a woman who has battled Anorexia and will continue to fight for those within the throws.

After intense therapy had ended my best friend, and at that time, boy friend, whom I met my senior year of high school proposed. This sweet man had stuck by my side through thick and thin, after befriending me on my first day at a new school. We were unlike any other “high school romance” as we never dated in high school, nor did it really ever become a “will you go out with me?” scenario. It just happened, we were best friends, and one night everything just became clear, he was the boy who helped get my into therapy, and the boy who help get me medical attention the day I collapsed. This sweet man had been my redemption, and never did he think less of me for falling into the pitfalls of an eating disorder. He rescued me, and to this day he continues to be a raft when I feel like sinking. In 2011 we were married, and adopted a sweet Catahoula/Aussie puppy named Penny.

These moments have connected me with society because instead of looking upon those who suffer from these diseases; addiction and eating disorders, I look upon them with empathy, and a desire to guide them to a healthier tomorrow. These moments in my life have taken me from desiring to be a social worker to wanting to be a nurse. As well as just wanting to be a resource to those in need. I have been working with a organization called “To Write Love on Her Arms” that provides assistance and resources to teens and young adults suffering from depression. I want to be a nurse because I want to be able to help those who cannot help themselves, because it was a nurse that saved my life when I was unable to go on. It was a nurse that helped me find hope and find people who could help me through my situation. And because of her, I am grateful.

View the blog and vlog post at: www.andkate.org Thanks!

PART OF CREATIVE PROJECT: During my time in therapy, I didn’t per say, find God, but more He found me, I was religious at a young age, but I had turned away from religion in my struggles with Anorexia and depression. I wrote these two songs/poems as “projects” in therapy, they are raw, emotional, but they best explain what I went through during those painful days.

Nothing Left To Lose

Sometimes, when I, Look into the mirror. I cry, oh God, I wish you were here tonight And I pray, I say, where are you now? Oh, I wish I could find out.

In the midst of all this, earthly noise, I cry out just to hear your, loving voice. And all I can do, is just to worship you. Bringing it, all to you, my king.

Everything, this is my offering, its yours.

And When I had nothing to left to lose, No one else to chose, Nothing I could do, nothing else, Only to run straight to you.

You, You looked into my heart and you said, My dear child, this is where It has to start?

Longing just to get it right, Seeking not, only your hand, tonight. Wanting to, see your face, To have the, feeling of your grace.

And all I can do, is just to worship you. Bringing it, all to you, my king.

Everything, this is my offering, its yours.

And When I had nothing to left to lose, No one else to chose, Nothing I could do, nothing else, Only to, keep running, straight to you.

And all I can do, is just to worship you. Bringing it, all to you, my king.

Everything, this is my offering, is yours. Eternally yours

And when I opened up these tear stained eyes, I turned to see you standing there, Forever by my side.

And all I can do, is just to worship you. Bringing it, all to you, my king.

Everything, this is my offering, is yours. Eternally yours

When I had nothing to left to lose, No one else to chose, Nothing I could do, nothing else, But to run straight to you.

Only to run straight to you? I’ll keep running straight to you…

Lonely Hours

Verse 1

Cause you’ve turned your back, Took all of the slack, Taken it back to you.

Chorus

In your lonely hours, Christ empowers, The tears that devour you.

Verse 2

You want to make your mark, Let loose of the bark, That holds God back from you.

Verse 3

Now He’s molding you, making you, To all that you can be, Cause you’ve gave him back that you can be.

Chorus

In your lonely hours, Christ empowers, The tears that devour you.

Verse 4

Now go make that mark, Cause you’ve let loose of the bark, That held God back from you.

Chorus 2

In your lonely hours, Christ empowered, The tears that once devoured you.

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