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Saturday, 7 January 2017

Dr. Beth on the Chronic Singleness Disorder

Dr. Beth, 8(pad and pen in hand): Can you tell me your name and the sickness that you have?

Me: My name is Humility and I suffer from chronic singleness. What can you do for me, Dr. Beth?

Dr. Beth: Well.. I need to ask you. When you watch shows about couples, do you feel sad for yourself, or good for the other person?

Me: I feel good for them, but I also feel bad for myself.

Dr. Beth: Hmm, okay well, I see... I think that's a little... what do you feel more?

Me: Depends on the time of the month.Dr. Beth(looks confused): Huh?

Me: Never mind. Moving on. What can you do to help me with this problem of chronic singleness?

Dr. Beth:(places a finger on her lips thoughtfully) Well.. (succumbs to a fit of giggles)

Me: Keep going.

Dr. Beth: Okay. I have.. I have sent you, well, not sent you, I am going to put you into a volunteer school to teach kids.

Me: Okay... but what's this got to do with...

Dr. Beth: You'll be working with another teacher..Me: Oh!

Dr. Beth stops and stares at me, smiling suspiciously.Me: What's this got to do with my chronic singleness?Dr. Beth: You'd have to be come friends with the teacher.Me: Uh huh? Tell me more.Dr. Beth: (Big smile) He's a male.Me: Oh, is that a fact?Dr. Beth: (nodding and smiling self-consciously) Yes.Me: Is he a good Catholic?
Dr. Beth nods yes.Me: Does he love the Lord?

Dr. Beth: He's a volunteer!Me: Oh. Okay. Where do we go from here? Why is he still single? How come there's not a lot of girls already trying to marry him?Dr. Beth: (shrugs) They don't really care.Me: Is he not really nice?

Dr. Beth: He's nice! Some girls just don't see it in him. Coz they treat him badly. He's been encountering lots of girls which have been mean to him. But (big smile) I don't think you'll be mean.Me: Uh.. nooo.

Dr. Beth: So that's why I'm putting friends with him.. with you. So.. well.. um.. yeah..Me: I thought you had a different plan which involved lots of possible guys.

Dr. Beth: No. Well.. there's a website. And you just told me you wanted to pick someone from a whole guy.. line of guys..Me: No! What? I didn't say that!

Dr. Beth: Then?Me: I want to meet them, not just pick them from a website!

Dr. Beth: Ok. So um I'm going to order some guys.. not order but ask them to come here.Me: How do you find them? I still don't understand that part.

Dr. Beth: It's a website, dear.Me: How come? There's so many nice girls out there. How come they haven't met any of those nice girls?Dr. Beth: (Shrugs) I dunno. How am I supposed to know other persons' personalities?Me: Tell me about that whole personality thing. You were telling me something about personalities. Like, that's how you found them?Dr. Beth: What?Me: You said something like you checked my personality and then you checked their personality...?Dr. Beth: Yes. (Picks up Mother Teresa peg doll) Mother Teresa here, she put everything on my... (pause) something that you put into the computer, and it helps.Me: Like a USB?Dr. Beth: Huh?Me: Like a flashdrive?Dr. Beth: Yeah, a flashdrive. So, uh, it stores everything, and then I have a website, everyone has their website, of um, Look For Me. The website is called Look For Me. (Big smile, pleased with herself.)Me: Really? Lookformedotcom?

Dr. Beth: Yes! Have you looked at it?Me: I have not looked at it as yet.

Dr. Beth: I'll download it for you. So Mother Teresa here has downloaded all your information, just by kissing you on the cheek.Me: Wow. Impressive.

Dr. Beth: I know. She's very cool. Thank you. Yes. So, as I was saying, you will need to... (long pause)Me: That's it?

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Namaste!

I'm Sue, a thirty-one year old urban Indian Catholic who loves words, talks too much, hates adventures and and yet is on the Grand Quest of Learning to Love.

Introversion and introspection, opinions about love, romance and marriage, big families, socially awkward situations, being Catholic in a pluralistic society, feeling like a foreigner in my own country and theology broken down... welcome to this INTJ's world.