a kitten’s curiosities

Day 4, Febuary 24, 2008

Woke up at 2, it’s Sunday, and it’s the Funeral day. joyous. wake up, find my pants (they were in that camo bag) and took a shower, put on clothes. The day was going off fine, great. Got some Cereal, slipped on my pentacle, and we headed out the door. Wonderful 3 hours of old men slapping and pinching my ass, carressing my neck, and then their wives and my mom yelling at me saying “Don’t smack your uncle _____! they’re old and don’t know what they’re doing!” BULLSHIT! i’m not going to have some old perverted FUCK touch my absurdly large ass. he knows what the FUCK he’s doing, and everyone in the room knows that he’s about to get his perverted ass nailed to the cieling by his DICK.

GAH. So after that oh-so-wonderful fuck-up of a funeral where i knew no one, was labled as a “Satanic Goth Child” by everyone there (it’s a fucking funeral, everyone wears black, just because i wore a pentacle with it, doesn’t make me a fucking satanist, nor does it make me GOTH!) we all piled into the shitty ass station wagon of ours, and headed to Little Ceasers, grabbed some Pizza, and came home. You’ve no idea how happy i was to get those goddamn shoes off my feet.

Did the Laundry, ate some pizza, and played Dofus from about 7:30 to 11:00. The past half hour has been nothing but screaming from my father at me. It started something like this: (remember, this is coming from the dumbfuck who went to school 1 day a week, got high, did every drug imaginable, fucked his teachers to pass the class, and then married my mom only to get her knocked up, and treat her like shit for the rest of her life)

“Shouldn’t you be studying?”

“No, i already know what i’m doing, and i know i have to retake math anyways, i just don’t get it.”

“Fine, but i’m not driving you to take your GED test.”

“Will you shut up!? i’m not going to take a GED, i’m going to either graduate, or be a super senior, ok?”

“I’d rather get my GED than be a super-Senior…”

“Dad, atleast Super Seniors get a real diploma… i’d rather get that than a GED…”

“You’re gonna fucking fail in life you know that right?”

“Like you? Oh hell, why not, i take after you in everything else! the short temper, the shit-colored eyes, the overweightedness, the borderline diabetes, fuck i might as well get high, fuck my teachers and skip school just like you! then i could really be daddy’s little girl!”

“Shut the fuck up and go play on your precious piece of shit.” (the computer)

“What’s the matter? your little fucking rape-child is standing up for herself again and you can’t take it? Get used to it you mother fucking bastard, i’m not the little shit you can overpower anymore. i’m not like you however much you think i am, so fuck off.”

And that would be the point where i came back in here, sat at the computer, and cried silently, wishing more than anything that i could just grab the fucking canvas tent from the garage, run to Fairbanks and set up camp there. i fucking dare any rapist to even think about touching the goddamn zipper… i’ll have him nailed to the top of a tree by his dick before the wind could even rattle the tongue.

So fucking pissed right now… and what makes it worse? just the other night after i got done writing in my blog, he confessed to mom, that when he was sleeping on the couch, he had a dream where he cheated on her, and that the woman was “fucking hot as hell” and that he’d fuck her again, married or not. You know what that tells me? that tells me that if he finds a girl that looks as hot as her, he’d fuck her married or not. now if only i can catch him in the act on camera, i’ll finally get mom to fucking divorce his ass….

*sigh*

i’m tired of it…i guess i’m used to it though. There’s always those moments of tension and anger, fused with anxiety, and as soon as it’s over, i’m forgotten about. i turn back into that shadow that slinks about the house that they only remember when it comes to dinner, and they remember “wait… she doesn’t eat hamburger…” and then they throw me some turkey lunchmeat. One day i won’t be here for them to yell at. one day i won’t be there for him to ridicule and jeer at. i won’t be there for him to fuck with and tease. one day soon, there won’t be any more tears he can cause me to hide from him anymore.

i just hope it’s sooner than later, because i don’t know how much more i can possibly stand of this…