Tag Archives: alcohol

I decided to take a short break from drinking. It’s been a dry February. There’s not a real reason for me doing it. I just felt like it and February is the shortest month so it seemed like the perfect time. Four short weeks, a mere twenty-eight days… totally doable.

The first night was the worst. It always is. I planned ahead though. I was stocked up on nonalcoholic beer and some indica pods for my vape. My sleep was mostly restless with weird dreams but I made it through. I noticed I had more energy in the morning after the first three days. I still needed coffee to really get going. One of the biggest obstacles to overcome was the Super Bowl. Luckily the game was so mind numbingly terrible that I didn’t need alcohol.

It’s the twenty-first today so I only have a week to go. I’m not going to lie, I’m looking forward to ending my self imposed sobriety. It’s nice being clearheaded and all, but the sheer boredom is starting to get to me. I’ve done a lot of Netflixing, reading, and a bit of writing in my spare time, but those are all tasks that go better with a beer in my opinion. Ultimately I’ve realized I don’t need alcohol but I really like it and would like to continue having it as a part of my life. In moderation of course. Everything in moderation.

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I’m a beer drinker. I like to drink beer. But sometimes beer is too heavy and I want a lighter alternative. That’s when I go for SpikedSeltzer. SpikedSeltzer is a brand of alcohol-infused sparkling water. It comes in a variety of flavors, each one is crisp and refreshing with a 6% alcohol content and only five grams of carbs per 16oz can. You can drink it straight from the can, but it tastes better over ice. You can even use it as a mixer. It comes in cranberry, lemon, lime, orange, and grapefruit.

They can be dangerous because you can’t taste the alcohol. It tastes just like sparkling water. Maybe it is psychological but I feel like it doesn’t dehydrate me. It’s my new alcohol of choice if I want to get a buzz while being active or for day drinking under the sun. The biggest downside to SpikedSeltzer is that it’s not really popular yet. I went to six different stores around my house to find it and didn’t have any luck. I found a twelve pack of it at Target and snatched it up. If you happen to come across it, don’t hesitate to pick it up. It’s worth it.

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I’m a bartender at a corporate chain restaurant and we are required to check IDs when customers order alcoholic beverages. It’s not personal. It’s part of my job description. If you order a drink with me, I have to ask for your ID, and I can’t serve you if you don’t have a valid ID. It doesn’t matter if you’re twenty-one or eighty-one. You need a valid ID to drink. It’s the law, bro.

The other day I was at work and an elderly British couple came up and ordered a drink. I asked for their IDs. The husband had his ID, the wife did not. I told them I couldn’t serve her. The husband said I was being ridiculous, that she was sixty-three, she’s clearly of age. I said I was sorry, it wasn’t my policy, that I would serve her if I could, but she needs a valid ID to drink. At this point they became irate and started to raise their voices. They asked if I carded everyone else. I told them I did and my other customers confirmed it and backed me up. Their voices got louder and I started to enjoy watching them make asses of themselves. I showed them the piece of paper that my manager gave to every single employee that says we are required to check IDs when someone orders alcohol. I showed them the email he sent to every single employee about checking IDs. They still argued and got louder and louder while I fake-smiled more and more until they stormed off to find another bar to go to.

They found my manager on the way out and complained about me. He came up to me and thanked me for doing my job. My other customers tipped fat and offered me verbal consolations for enduring their rant with a smile. Everyone had my back. It’s not my fault that a grown ass adult didn’t have a valid ID. They should know better. They were a miserable couple anyway. I’m glad I inconvenienced them. I hope I ruined their vacation. A small victory still makes me a winner.

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Budweiser is a beer. It’s the only beer for a lot of people. Brand loyalty goes a long way and I know a lot of people that prefer Budweiser over water. My feelings on Budweiser are mixed. It’s too popular, it’s too bland, and it’s too pretentious. They call themselves the king of beers. They’ve even temporarily relabeled themselves as America instead of Budweiser as part of some bizarre marketing ploy. They proudly admit to being made partially from rice. Rice is nice but most beer lovers prefer hops and barley.

Budweiser is drinkable though. I have to give them that. It has a consistently crisp and refreshing taste. It doesn’t really get skunky. It’s my preferred tall boy for beach days because it’s cheap, it’s not too heavy, and it comes in twenty-five ounce cans. Most tall boys are twenty-four ounces. That extra ounce means you’re getting more bang for your buck.

I prefer to drink craft beer when I’m at a bar or at home. I like IPAs and sours and the occasional stout if the weather is cold. Whenever I buy a six pack of something nice I’ll still pick up a tall boy of Budweiser as well. I drink the good beer until I’m nice and toasty and then I’ll switch over to Bud when I’m drunk. That way I won’t waste my good beer when I’m too fucked up to enjoy it. That’s not alcoholism, that’s using my noodle. Budweiser is not the best beer. I wouldn’t even call it a good beer. But it’s beer and that’s enough reason for me to drink it.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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One of the best things about getting drunk is getting drunk food. Drunk food is a complete meal you can eat with your hands that fills you up and is served quickly. Certain foods taste better when you’re inebriated. Pizza is always good, but it’s so much better when you’re drunk. A drunk burrito in between bars keeps your night going. Stumbling across a street vendor selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs will make you believe that God is real and wants us to be happy. Drunk food provides you with the much needed fuel to keep on drinking. It makes the party last longer. You know you had a good night when you find an empty pizza box on the counter when you wake up the next morning and no recollection of getting it. I’m not promoting binge drinking, I’m promoting eating food when you’re binge drinking. There’s a slight difference I’m sure.

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My friend came over the other day to hang out for a few hours. Being the good host that I am, I offered her a beer. She said no and I asked her why. She said it was because she was doing a detox. I was totally supportive of her decision but I still cracked a beer open for myself. Some people choose to detox. Good for them. I choose to retox. It’s more fun. I retox almost every night. It’s what happens when you work in the restaurant industry. You work hard and play harder. Plus there are days when customers bring you down and crush your spirit. A little booze does a lot to revitalize oneself. If you do retox, retox responsibly. Use coasters and try not to spill anything. That’s alcohol abuse.

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I drink a lot of beer but I’ll mix it up every once in a while and try something different. I was feeling adventurous at the store and got a six-pack of Mission Brewery Hard Root Beer. It’s what it sounds like. It’s root beer with booze in it. It has a respectable 7.5% alcohol content so it’s harder than Budweiser. I cracked open a bottle and poured it into a frosty mug. It looks like root beer. It’s a dark brown color with moderate carbonation and a thin head that dissipates quickly. It smells like root beer. There’s spice, licorice, and vanilla aromas. It tastes like root beer on the first sip, but with a definite boozy aftertaste once you swallow it. It has an herbal medicine flavor that takes some getting used to. It’s neither good nor bad. I’m not impressed and I’m not disappointed either. It’s just a different way of getting drunk. It’s worth trying if you like root beer and booze, but a six-pack is a big commitment if you’re not sure about it. I wish that I bought a single bottle to sample first. I’ll finish my six-pack eventually but I’m not in any rush to do so.

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Everybody knows that you fight fire with fire and that the best cure for a hangover is more alcohol. It’s known as hair of the dog. You might wake up the morning after a night of partying with a splitting headache and a craving for McDonald’s, but downing a Bloody Mary or a Mimosa in the a.m. is enough to save your life. You’re not drinking to get drunk again. You’re drinking to get rid of the pain. A hangover is the first sign of alcohol withdrawal. Pumping booze back into your system helps to level you out. It’s science. I read it on Wikipedia. Now you read it here. Dealing with the hair of the dog is not an easy thing to handle sometimes. It’s tough to drink when you don’t want to drink. But you’ll actually feel better if you can stomach it and manage not to puke. The best cure for a hangover is often the hair of the dog that bit you.

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A drunken migration is when three or more drunk people attempt to go from one place to another. It’s always a shit show and it becomes more chaotic with each additional drunk. A three-minute walk to Jack in the Box becomes a half-hour excursion and someone always gets lost or turns up missing. A bunch of drunk people trying to get anywhere is like the blind leading the blind. You need to have a leader, someone who knows the way and isn’t afraid to take charge. The leader has to act like a shepherd and they have to wrangle up all the drunks and keep them moving and under control. But the leader is drunk too, so progress is minimal. But you feel so accomplished once you get to your destination.

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Oaktown Brown Ale is a bold & soulful American brown ale from San Jose, California’s Calicraft Brewing Co. It has a rich malty aroma with hints of roast coffee, nuts, chocolate, caramel, and oak. It smells like it has a lot of flavor, but the first sip is disappointing. I can taste coffee, nuts, wood, roasted malts, chocolate, caramel, and toffee but it’s too thin and feels watered down. It’s not exciting. It’s bland. And you don’t want your craft beer to be bland. It has a 6.7% alcohol content, which is decent but not good. There’s not anything special about this beer. There’s nothing terrible about it, but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone and I definitely wouldn’t expect to be hailed as a hero for bringing it to a party. It’s a boring and forgettable beer. Even the label is boring. The only reason to try it is to say that you tried it. And that’s not a good enough reason.

December 5th is Repeal Day, my favorite underrated holiday. It’s the anniversary of the 21st Amendment getting ratified, which ended prohibition in the United States. Drinking was suddenly legal again, and the country rejoiced and celebrated with a drink. It’s not like people weren’t getting drunk during prohibition, but the 21st Amendment’s passing meant that they didn’t need to hide it anymore. Prohibition failed. People drank more and they drank harder. Criminals and mobsters rose to power, supplying a thirsty nation with moonshine and hooch. Even prohibition’s biggest supporters had to admit that it was a terrible fucking idea, that alcohol was the fuel that keeps this machine running. And so they passed the 21st Amendment on December 5, 1933 and a new holiday was born. Raise your glass and wish somebody a Happy Repeal Day!

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People like to drink, especially in social settings. That’s why there are multiple bars in almost every single city and town around the world. There are classy bars, dive bars, sports bars, bars that you frequent, and bars that you avoid. Most people have a default bar or two, a place where you know the bartenders and they know you. The problem with being a regular is that you don’t bother going to other bars that you aren’t familiar with. Sometimes you have to take a chance and go to a different bar, you have to see what else is out there. I went to a going-away party for my friend’s last night in the city, and we went to a bar of his choice. It was a bar that I’ve never been to or even heard of. They had about fifty beers on tap, all microbrews. They even had Pliny the Elder. You know it’s a good bar if they have Pliny the Elder. It blew my mind that I had never been there before. Discovering a new bar that you like is a wakeup call, a reminder that you’re missing out on things by sticking to a routine. Discovering a new bar means forgetting an old one.

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Parties are fun, but it’s hard to top a good house party. House parties are awesome because there is no guest list, there is no dress code, there is no last call, and there is no closing time. You don’t have to get your wrist stamped or worry about reentry if you go out for a smoke break. You get to control the music so you don’t have to suffer through a crappy DJ’s shitty set. The only downside is that you have to bring your own booze, but that still saves you money. A hundred bucks will get a lot more alcohol from the liquor store than it will get you at the bar. People have fun at bars and clubs, but they go nuts at house parties. It’s all friends and no strangers, so you feel more comfortable, relaxed, and less afraid of embarrassing yourself, and that means you’ll be drinking harder and longer than you would if there was a bouncer watching you. There are always a couple fun drinking games going on, a few random hookups to laugh about, and hundreds of random conversations about nothing to jump in to. The night goes on and on, and people start passing out and sleeping wherever they find a quiet corner to disappear in. Eventually the sun starts to rise, the party ends, and you get a smile on your face whenever you remember that night.

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Rakija (sometimes spelled Rakia or Rachiu) is a liquor made from fermented fruit, and it will get you drunk. They use all different kinds of fruit to make it. There’s plum, peach, cherry, apricot, apple, cherry… but for some reason I always end up with pear rakija. It’s the alcoholic drink of choice in countries like Serbia, Croatia, Macedonia, Bosnia, etc. You can buy it in stores, but a lot of people make it themselves at home. You might consider it the moonshine of the Balkans. It’s considered bad form and very rude if you turn down your host’s rakija. You should never turn down free alcohol anyway, but it’s very offensive to refuse a shot of rakija.

Not only will rakija get you drunk, but you can use it for other things besides drowning your troubles away. You can pour some rakija on a towel and wrap it around your throat if you’re feeling sick. You can use it to unclog the bathroom sink. It cures jellyfish stings. You can use it in lieu of gasoline in your car. It’s also been know to cure blindness and to bring the dead back to life. It’s like the Swiss Army Knife of alcohol.

Most Americans are oblivious of rakija’s existence, so it’s pretty awesome to watch someone try it for the first time. It’s a bit of an acquired taste… actually, you pretty much have to force yourself to drink it the first few times. A small number of people can down it without any problems, but most people can’t help but shudder and are in danger of throwing up when they first have it. But if you manage to get it down the hatch, you can see what all the fuss is about. It instantly warms you up and your head gets pleasantly cloudy. It’s the drink of choice for millions of people and you can see why. It’s ridiculously hard to find in the States, so don’t turn it down if you ever get the chance to experience rakija.

One of the biggest pet peeves for anybody in the service industry is when somebody orders a frozen drink and then complains that they can’t taste the alcohol. No shit you can’t taste it, you just ordered a fucking frozen drink. The colder the drink, the less you can taste the alcohol. Blending booze and ice and sweet mixers is going to make your cocktail taste like a smoothie. It’s a waste of liquor. That’s why most places serve margaritas on the rocks as opposed to blended. There’s no point in getting a savory tequila if you’re not going to savor it. You want to be able to taste the liquor. Sometimes it’s really hot and you feel like a piña colada or strawberry daiquiri. That’s totally acceptable; just don’t complain to the bartender if you think it’s a virgin drink. It’s not. So shut up about it.

One of the biggest signs that you might have a drinking problem is when you start planning to get drunk. You’ll tell yourself that you’re not an alcoholic; you just want to be prepared. You know that you’re going to want to drink all day and into the night and so you plan accordingly. So you’ll eat a big lunch. You’ll buy some food and snacks for later. You’ll buy an excessive amount of alcohol plus another twelve-pack just to play it safe. The last thing that you want is to run out of booze. You make sure that you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. You’re going to binge drink and there’s nothing that can stop you. Part of you feels guilty; the other part doesn’t give a fuck. Whatever, you won’t care after a few drinks anyway. It’s better to plan on getting drunk than drinking and driving, right?

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If you’re a bartender or if you’ve ever hosted a party, you know all about neglected drinks. Neglected drinks are beers or cocktails that have been abandoned, either accidently or intentionally. Some are just a few swigs away from being finished, some of them have a few sips taken out of them, and some of them haven’t even been touched at all (which is the biggest crime of all). Alcohol is precious. It takes a lot of time to brew a beer or distill a spirit. So don’t waste it. If you don’t like it, give it to your drunk friend who will drink anything. You don’t need to set it down somewhere and pretend to forget about it. And if you’re already wasted, practice some self-control and stop ordering drinks if you can’t handle any more liquor. Neglected drinks need to stop. There are sober kids in China.