My Life in an Interracial Marriage and Family ~ It's been 25 years of fun; learning, growing, laughing & crying with each other. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

After All This Time....

Relationships can be so tricky, especially in a mixed race marriage. In a world seen through rose-colored glasses we all get along, but once the glasses come off that’s not always the case. Jamie’s Mom (otherwise known as Gigi), was, to put it mildly, not thrilled when I entered the picture. When her son chose to marry a white woman she was not happy! She did not attend our wedding and for years she and I had no relationship at all. None. Sadly we didn’t get close until she was literally on her death bed. She became ill while visiting from Atlanta many years ago. She was in the hospital for quite some time and Jamie and I went to visit her almost everyday. During those visits she witnessed our love and our family’s closeness. She realized that her son and I were happy; and, skin color and everything else aside, in the end that’s all that really matters. All the “bad blood” had finally melted away. I’m sad it took so long, but oh so happy it finally happened. I just wish we had had more time.

Heartbreakingly, she was never able to go home and passed away while she was still visiting. We were with her to the end, so in a way it was a blessing that she was here and not home in Atlanta. I will never ever forget the heartbreak my husband went through on her very last day so many years ago. He was filled with pure and utter sadness at the loss of his mother that he loved so much.

Flash forward to present day. We were volunteering at my sister-in-law’s church and a little piece of Gigi appeared. Jamie’s sister said, “Oh, I found this the other day when I was cleaning out some boxes.” She then handed us a card in an envelope. It was a Christmas card from the last Christmas that Gigi was alive. She has been gone for almost 10 years, so it was surreal to have this card show up out of the blue. In the card she wrote that she was sending her love to Jamie, to me, and to Tatiana. Jamie and I sat on the church steps and cried. For Jamie, his mom came to life –if only for a minute through her handwriting; for me it was a little treasure of love sent to our entire family, even after all this time.

So as Mother’s Day approaches, I’m thankful, that, in the end, Gigi and I were okay.

6 comments:

So glad this all worked out and even after the death you got proof that she did love you all. I never understand how this happens but I know it does. I am happy that it all worked out in the end even though she probably just couldn't show her love.

Some of us are raised to believe that relationships have to look a certain way. As if relationships aren’t tricky enough sometimes. The gift of the little card sounds as if it was a perfect way to release more tears for you and Jamie. Seems as if someone sent you that card for Mother’s Day. Sending you love Amy.

Amy, it is very sad some of us have blood relatives as close as mother/father or brother/sister that we can’t cut out from our lives that have feelings of prejudice or racismin their hearts.

This is why I sometimes tell people that hatred comes from blacks against whites as well the other way around. Case in point, I have a very nice African American woman co-worker about my age or close to it. She works down the hall from me.

Anyhoo, after knowing her since late 2009, I sometimes going to lunch with her andanother co-worker. It was not until mid last week that bits of prejudice/bigotry seeped out of her when she was in my office with another Black woman co-worker. The other Black woman (in her mid 40’s) is currently in a romantic relationship with a younger Caucasian/White man and they are happy together. However the other Black woman talked about her son that had just graduated from army basic training and he also just married his first girlfriend that he had been dating for almost nine months.

She then went on to say that she wished her son had not rush into a marriage so fast, but the good news was at least his wife was not White. He married a black girl. Our other co-worker that I just mention above replied “That would bother you”? She said “Yeah, he better NOT come home with a White woman. I’d have a fit.”

I was tempted to ask her, what if he had married an Asian or Hispanic woman, but I just left it alone because she already knows that my wife is Hispanic and I think that she knows that our other co-worker’s boyfriend is White.

In closing, as I have said many times before, I am so blessed by the Holy Spirit of God that my parents are like yours in that they have an open heart and never taught racism, bigotry or skin color.

Kudos to Jaime for loving you from the beginning and staying married to you in spite of his mother’s feelings, whom he loved so much because it is so hard to go against our mother’s and father’s, especially if we have a good loving relationship with our parents. When is your book in stores?

The card will forever be a treasured memory. What a special gift it was...especially after all these years! Hugs! A.

Nay K.,

I'm just so glad that in the end we were fine. I am so close to jamie's family now and so thankful that we are all in each other's lives. It's a true blessing to have come this far. I hope you and your fam are well!!!

I will admit this, my first contact with a person who was gay (when I was young and stupid) made me believe that a majority of gay people were promiscuous and just looking to have sex just because of his behavior. But then I looked at straight people and said that we have same type of people just out there to have a good time.

I had met some people who were gay but in a committed relationship to reverse that stupid way of thinking.

If you can maintain a committed relationship and be a true partner in every sense of the word, then go right ahead and tie that knot.

Now the issue that I have a problem with in regards of this whole situation is passing some US Constituational amendment on the matter. It is a states' right issue and needs to stay that way.