Feeling very shaky today.

Been feeling shaky like okay and then totally depressed, then okay, depressed, okay, depressed. This is tiring. Just now I looked around and noticed that I cleaned my house so that's cool. I thought I didn't get anything done today. So still kind of productive. Been just anxious or something. I'm always uncomfortable. It gets so old. The pit in my stomach. I guess I'm going to have to get out a gratitude list. But seriously I know I have a long list of things to be grateful about. It's like nothing is filling me up, nothing is working. I think I'm just lonesome. Then I start thinking I SHOULD be at work or something, then I remember how fucking disabled I am, then I start telling myself perhaps I'm better, then I start telling myself I really don't think so....on and on and on. The pit growing. Is this the woman with too much time on her hands? I don't even think so cause I've been totally busy. I even went to a meeting today and talked to a troubled friend for more than an hour on the phone trying to be helpful. I rode my bike to the meeting, there for getting out and exercise. Some times there isn't any reason. I've been wierd though the last few days I have totally forgotten to eat and drink all day till like 8. That's strange. Sometimes I think I really do have a derteriorating brain. Oh well blah blah.... I'm boring myself. Well it's only 6, guess I'll eat and may be drink some water now, do ya think? God! And take my ass to another meeting at 7. Sounds like a good plan. May be I will even see my 2 buddies who are really having some hard times. Uhg, I hate this!

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