THE CEREMONY: BEST INSTANT REACTIONS

US viewers reacting on Twitter to Kenneth Branagh's Isambard Kingdom Brunel: "The Olympics lost me ... why is Abraham Lincoln dancing?"; "Is that Abraham Lincoln speaking right now?"; "Why is abraham lincoln at the olympics?"

BEST PACE CHANGE

NBC – the American broadcaster getting the most out of the ceremony by showing it on delay, chopping it up for ad breaks and replacing the far-too-downbeat segment featuring the "memorial wall" tribute to the dead and Abide with Me with an upbeat Ryan Seacrest interview.

BEST COMEBACK

Aidan Burley MP, sacked by David Cameron last year for "offensive" behaviour during a Nazi-themed stag party, apologising for his Twitter verdict on the ceremony ("leftie multi-cultural crap"): "Seems my tweet has been misunderstood."

THE BIG FIGURES

The biggest ever British TV audiences:

■ 32.3m: 1966 World Cup final.

■ 32.1m: Diana's funeral, 1997

■ 30.69m: Royal Family documentary, 1969

■ 30.15m: EastEnders (Den v Angie), 1986;

■ 28.6m: Apollo 13, 1970

■ 28.49m: 1970 FA Cup final replay (Chelsea v Leeds)

■ 28.4m: Wedding of Charles and Diana, 1981

■ 27.6m: Wedding of Princess Anne and Mark Phillips, 1973

■ 27m: Olympic opening ceremony, 2012

PLUS: THE CEREMONY'S UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

1. Just how big is Trevor Nelson's family?

2. Who would have rung the bell at the start if Bradley Wiggins had not won in the Tour?

3. Does Danny Boyle get knighted now or in the New Year?

4. What acting projects does the Queen have lined up next?

LAST WEEK'S OTHER HIGHLIGHTS

Thursday: Five Live's Nicky Campbell asked listeners: "Do you have the Olympic tingle?", then unwittingly read out a tweet from a spoof account in the name of Twenty Twelve character Siobhan Sharpe: "Like totes, for real."

DRIVER OF THE WEEK

Wednesday, 6pm: a driver on the Victoria line near Kings Cross provoking groans by telling delay-weary London Underground passengers: "Ladies and gentlemen, some Olympic news." Then he told them: "In women's football, Great Britain have beaten New Zealand 1-0!"

GUIDE OF THE WEEK

CNN – talking American visitors through how to fit in to life in London. "The secret to blending in with locals lies solely in the use of one word: 'innit' – a colloquial abbreviation of 'isn't it?' Confusingly, although 'innit' implies a query, this uniquely London method of punctuating sentences is a purely rhetorical device. Thus, 'Time for drink, innit?' is wrong but 'I've had four pints and no dinner, innit' is grammatically perfect."

Plus: "In some bars you may see something called 'Pork Scratchings' for sale. These are not for you."

BEST PUBLICITY MACHINE

Boris Johnson: operating in full calculated buffoon mode. Earned some headlines on Thursday with his defence of sponsor McDonald's. "This is bourgeois snobbery … classic liberal hysteria about very nutritious, delicious, food – extremely good for you I'm told. Not that I eat a lot of it myself."

APOLOGY OF THE WEEK

The Westfield Stratford shopping centre: "sincerely sorry" for creating Arabic welcome banners that were "pretty much unintelligible" to speakers of the language. The error also appeared on staff uniforms. The Council for Advancing Arab-British Relations said the banners were the equivalent of signs supposed to read "WELCOME TO LONDON" being printed: "N O D N O L O T E M O C L E W."

NAME OF THE WEEK

Australian eventing horse Allofasudden: called up to the team as a surprise last-minute replacement, and withdrawn injured again days before the competition.

WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE DRUNKEN SAILOR?

The South Korea Sailing Federation apologising on Friday for its coach Lee Jae-cheol, who was sent home after being caught drink-driving in Weymouth. "Lee Jae-cheol attended a banquet and drank wine and beer on 25 July. It is true that Lee cannot drink well … It is really a matter for regret."

MOST CONFUSED

The foreign visitors trying to find their way round London's confusing Waterloo area on Friday by asking directions from a group of South Yorkshire police officers drafted in to the capital to help out.