Hey, Alanis Morissette. This actually IS ironic. Probably. Scientists have discovered that the more online porn you consume, the less you want the real thing.

Sexual health expert Dr Harry Fisch reveals in his latest book The New Naked that, ahem, actively enjoying porn can cause sexual dysfunction – meaning you are less able to get it on for real.

The TV doc says it can be ‘surprisingly easy’ to get sucked into the vortex of a truly hazardous addiction to porn and that having too much ‘hands-on’ experience while watching it can make it ‘significantly more difficult’ to get aroused – and stay aroused – in a real-life situation.

Also – bad news all round – it could impact upon how arousing men find their own lovely wives or girlfriends.

It’s kind of the truth, unfortunately (Picture: Getty)

He says that when he meets men complaining of sexual dysfunction, the Effect on Sexual Performance (ESP) of porn is ‘instantly apparent’.

‘Watching porn and masturbating is the sexual equivalent of fast food,’ he says. ‘It’s instant gratification, and it’s fine once in a while when you’re craving some French fries or nachos smothered in that fake orange cheese goop, but for nourishment? Forget about it.’

That’s not to say he thinks all porn is really, really bad. Just when men watch it ‘chronically’ with, as he delicately puts it, their hands on themselves. Try someone else’s hands, he recommends.

Basically, step away from the laptop (a bit) and get back in the bedroom.