2342h; think about it, there must be higher love.

Then why would we be this hairy? Why would scientists say our DNA are almost the same? Why is there the Theory of Evolution?

I don’t know when I started believing in science and evolution and started to fiction-ize the Bible. I’m now 23 and I think it has probably been around or a little more than 10 years since I told myself that I don’t believe in the Bible, that it’s just a sensible, morally right, logical book and while humans couldn’t have evolved from apes, they couldn’t have appeared out of nowhere- but that train of thought abruptly ends with no continuation because what I want to believe and what I have in front of me does not tally and so I avoid the confrontation, the messy untangling to understand better, to know and search for the truth. Maybe it’s because a part of me believes in a higher power/being yet a part of me is so firmly rooted in the present in the fact that this book could not have been passed down, not been altered or remain unbiased. How do we know that it really is the first religion in the world? That He made Adam and Eve? I was so stuck because I didn’t want to blindly follow the Bible. I didn’t want to hear it out and then be told that all other religions are just a copy and/or a remixed version of this religion. And so, for the longest time, I’ve been in this rut, I would say- neither moving forward nor backward.

And then, something started moving within me. I started attending Sunday service with mum. Although it isn’t every Sunday, it’s something I’m starting to look forward to it now? I went with the intention of gaining knowledge because I know that they teach good life lessons plus it’s good to remain open-minded and just listen. I’m still unsure of whether it’s indeed his doing or it was purely coincidental – I know believers will say that he knows everything about you: past, present or future; your thoughts, your intentions, your sins. But, at this point in my life, there is just something or someone I want to reach out to and talk to when I can’t turn to anyone. And I’ve slowly realized that the books I’ve read, the ones that taught me things such as: listen to your parents, be kind in thought, words and actions, your body is a sacred temple treat it well and more are the same things in the Bible. And so, I am now at the point where I ask myself, why are these books the same? Why am I choosing to believe this book but entirely dismissing the other when they’re teaching the same values? Am I really open to hearing out what the other has to say or am I just lying to myself?

So, I am 23 and just like anyone else at 23, I’m figuring out Life, my path and I’m figuring out this higher power/being thing. I’m trying to find a way to come to terms with it, I’m trying to understand and writing this, I’m trying to be accountable. I’m moving forward, I believe, at my own pace. I wasn’t ready to hear anything at 13 or 16, 17, or 19 and I halfheartedly agreed at 20 and 21. 22 was the year of my greatest indulgence and when I started this year, I wanted to seriously treat my body right. Now, it feels like that might take on a deeper meaning as my friend said, “i’m in contemplation stage” and so, as with anything else, we’ll see.