Thursday, July 30, 2009

See, things just have a way of getting better.Pandora's playing Bret Dennin and Cake.Ribeye and mac n chz for dinner. All comfort food tonight.From the other room:"It's time for a bath. Just bring that with you; you can play with it in the bath. D'you want bubbles?"

It's feels a bit like my home life came to a grinding halt since Charles died.

I've called dozens of people to tell them about his death. Set up a dinner and a memorial for him, food, invites, beverages, speeches, flowers. I've dealt with lawyers (2) and tax accountants and signed papers and closed accounts for him. I picked up his ashes. I've got an application in with the IRS for the 501(c)3 and am filling out the board. I'm still doing all of my own work and Charles' too, but that can't work for long.

In the morning, I drop Kyra off at daycare and my newborn off at mum's, who's been a rockstar about watching her, and go to work, and then do the reverse at the end of the day. I'm exhausted by 6:30, but don't collapse until 8:30. I miss my girls.

I keep saying that "once we just get past this next issue, it will be easier." Charles always laughed when I said that. But it will get easier; everything does. And soon enough it will seem like normal again.

And then there's Worldcon, which in the end I am so pleased to be going to. Circumstances notwithstanding, of course. I had really regretted not being able to go to Montreal, but it seemed impossible with the newborn. But we're just going to make it work. Mzmelia's totally on board to help out. She just now starting to come back to herself after the trauma of being with z'boss when he died. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

My boss and my friend, Charles Brown, died on Sunday night, on his flight home from Readercon in MA. I'm writing the editorial in the upcoming issue as editor-in-chief, a promotion that comes at a heavy price. I'll write more about him there, but I'm overcome with thoughts about him, and need to get some of this out.

Working for and being friends with Charles meant taking part in an unending conversation on science fiction, fantasy, horror, the history of fandom, food, jazz, classical music, etc., all of the above interspersed with terrible puns, the occasional shaggy dog story, and jokes you wouldn't tell your mother. He loved to teach, to cook, to share good Scotch and recommendations for music. He had an uncanny sense about people: hated anyone who was fake or overly commercial and was doggedly loyal and protective of those that he loved.

I'm still in shock that he's gone. Despite the fact that he had outlived all expectations and was having health problems, it seemed like he might just last forever out of sheer stubbornness or the need to read one more book or see one more opera. I'm left with the feeling that he might walk in or call me any moment, and we'll take up the right where we left off. I learned from him every time we spoke; the things that he taught me about the SF field, and about life, were immeasurable and constant.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Today: Two hours wasted beating back malware. Ugh. Then time with Mum at the craft store. Bought sock doll making book. How terribly maternal. 45 minutes at the dog park to appease the beasts. Clean house, nurse baby, etc. Now on to Mexican food with the hub and Kyra.

Work is on fire, apparently. Trying to field questions from home but feeling guilty about not being there. I'll be back soon enough, but still.

Then there was this, which cheered me up, no end.

Thanks to Issa for taking it! Yes, that is a tiara made of Peeps, specially for Easter.

Chris Roberson & Allison Baker came to town on a quick vacation and stopped by on the Fourth for some bbq. Steven, Kelly, and Mzmelia came over as well. We had 2-, 3-, 4, and 5-year-old girls running around, wreaking havoc, as they will. It was great, and a bonus to get to hang out with C & A outside of the con context. Less booze and exhaustion, more food and relaxation. All good!