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13. March 2015

CHENEY UPBRAIDS COLORADO'S JUNIOR SENATOR

WASHINGTON — On March 9, as Members of Congress were eagerly leaving Washington during a major snowstorm which caused the federal government to close, Colorado’s junior senator, Cory Gardner,
obeying his political hero, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, hastily signed an open letter to the Iranian leaders who are in negotiations with Secretary of State John Kerry to avoid Iran's
being nuked by Israel, or others.

In the letter, the forty-seven Republican senators, conspicuously proving that they are incapable of governing by all trying in a body to be Secretaries of State authorized to negotiate with
foreign leaders, tried to scare Iran by pointing out that whatever agreement President Obama makes with Iran, the next president (read: Scott Walker) could be immediately canceled when the next
president takes her oath of office.

The letter, authored by freshman Arkansas senator Tom Cotton, flew in the face of conscientious efforts by Tennessee’s junior senator, Republican Bob Corker, the Chairman of the Foreign Relations
Committee. Corker has been trying to forge a bipartisan approach to the delicate question of how to persuade Iran not to nuke Israel.

But on Wednesday, according to The Daily Kos, former Vice-President Dick Cheney sensibly rebuked Gardner and the other 46 GOP senators, saying that, according to the W Doctrine, the
president is the only representative of the American government who is authorized to conduct foreign policy.

Encouraged by that report, a solitary reporter visited Cheney, who was basically in charge of the White House for eight years under Bush Two, at his home on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. The
solitary reporter asked the previously ailing (but remarkably healthy) Cheney whether his scolding of 47 fellow Republicans means that Cheney intends to become a Democrat.

In the crisp, quick bursts for which he has become famous, and a darling of the Right, Cheney told the solitary reporter to tell his Congresswoman, Diana DeGette, that she has hell to pay for not
attending Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s campaign speech, delivered to a Joint Session of Congress two weeks before voters in Israel have a chance to dump him.

Upon returning to Denver, the solitary reporter proudly pulled his DeGette for Congress yard sign from his storage room and paraded it up and down his Park Hill neighborhood, to widespread
applause.