Not the expert mom with all the answers...the mom who can't stop looking for them.

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Friday, February 21, 2014

Slap Me Now

Slap me now so I can snap out of it! If I wasn't so tired today, I would slap myself.

Once again, I have over scheduled my day with "things to do" for other people, while putting myself on the back burner. I can sit back, look in the mirror, and give myself some great advice. "Just say No!" In fact, I've written that blog before. I've given that advice to many moms, but here I am not freakin following it.

Great Advice right?

This was my FB status today...

"The To-Do list keeps growing in the wrong direction. I need a personal assistant to help me be everyone's personal assistant."

All week long, I have been putting out small fires in one of the online communities that I run. I have been spending more time than I have available, being a resource to others. Which by the way, is one of my favorite things to do, but it puts me behind schedule for other priorities in my life.

I have done some work on the outline of my book, but not nearly enough. I don't like the direction of the outline. It is boring me. I want to tell our story, but in a fun, unique, funny way. I don't want it to be just your ordinary Aspergers parenting book. I feel like I need a good block of time, to sit, play music and really think about the direction I want this book to go in, and hash-out the outline. It just feels like a massive task. I do better with small snippets -like this blog.

My advice to myself, is to just take it in small pieces. One step at-a-time, and you will get there. Only I feel like my steps have been minimal because of all kinds of distractions, including my Facebook addiction. If I could drop that bad habit, I'd be further down the line to where I need to be. Loser!

I am behind in my own self-care. My hair needs to be colored, twisted and perhaps even cut and it's been that way for over a week. I've been hiding behind pretty, silk scarves, and head wraps. What lies underneath is scary! My nails need to be done. If you follow me on Facebook, you know that my toes are my "pretty girly thing" that I try to do for myself on a regular basis.

Also, I probably really need to see my doctor. I feel bad. Then I feel good, and so I put if off. I know what her advice will be...
-Add more cardio into your daily routine.
-Eat healthier.
-Take more time for yourself.
That's what she said the last time. I followed her directions for about a week.

So today ...I am over scheduled with shit for other people. Red made a doctors appointment to talk about a weight loss program that will work for him. I take him at 1:15 today. Then I take him to work.

I then go pick up my mom and take her to get her nails done. Why? Because I've already been putting her off for 2 weeks. Yes. I've put myself off too. But who cares about that? (No. I will not be getting my own nails done today. While she's getting hers done, I have to go back and pick Red up from work.)

My mom told me 2 weeks ago that I "treat her like shit," because she's really just sad, isolated and depressed, which is really not my problem. This is the life that she has created. I know that it's her and not me, but still. I guilt myself into doing things for her that I really DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR. But she's my mother. She's 74. She doesn't drive. She lives with me. So I play the part of the dutiful daughter.

A big part of my problem is just plain old disorganization -Attention Deficit Disorder at it's best. I really think my life would be so much simpler if I were just an organized person.

I am full of self-loathing today. I feel like an overwhelmed, scatterbrained, idiot.

So in order, not to bite anyone's head off this afternoon, I will take a brief nap now. That will be the extent of my self-care for today.

Anyone out there have some advice on how to become organized? I would love to hear it. I can not however, promise you that I will follow it for more than a week.