Monday, December 31, 2007

I finally bought myself a new phone, since my old one was dying on me at nearly every second and dropping my calls and it sucked. I was fairly attached to it, my old flip phone, though. But my new one blows the old one out of the water an amazing amount. It's still super little, way thinner, and one of the slider types. Not to mention lime green and black. It's awesome and I love it.

I have no idea what I am doing tonight. I really don't. I have to work at five, probably until about nine, so that sucks a large amount, but so far I have offers to several different parties; I just have yet to decide which one to go to. I'm hoping Anna is going to be at the same party as Jordan, but it kind of sounds like that because I think Celia is having a party...but who knows.

I'm worried, though, about Tucker. He has been acting really different around all of us; like he can't have fun because we're not always talking about getting trashed and hooking up. So if he is around us, he's sulky and quiet, unless he forgets he's supposed to be acting like that and actually really starts having fun with us, like the other night at Kevin's. And it's not because of our "break up" or whatever (since that was more of a disintegration of sorts, and which I ended up being completely fine with--India helped me get over a lot of things) and being around me---it's something else completely different.

I'm okay with everyone having other friends. We all do, in my core group of friends. But when it comes back to it, there's the group of myself, Anna, Elliot, Tucker, Kevin, Cellie, and Mary who have always stuck together, always stayed the closest. They are my best friends, and no one has ever been able to come close in comparison of the bond that we have. I mean, sure, we all get on each other's nerves at times, all ranting about one another at different times, but it's never been an almost complete shut-out. And it really is affecting me. A lot more than it probably should.Jordan told me last night that people drift over senior year, and changes happen. This I know, I'm not blind to the fact. I've changed a lot myself over the last couple of months, I've seen it also in everyone else. But with Tucker, it almost seems like he feels he can't hang out with us because we're not 100% into the party scene, and that he has to change his entire personality in order to fit in with new people. I personally don't care if people drink. I don't do it myself, but I have a lot of friends who do, and it doesn't bother me. What does bother me is when people haven't drunk their entire lives, then suddenly they feel they must start. Which is the impression that I get from Tucker. He's obsessed with it, now. It's all he talks about, and it gets tiresome. Parties are fun to go to, or they can be. But I don't want to talk about them every single time I hang out, because there are a lot of other ways to have fun, too. It's like he's gotten the idea that the only way you can possibly have fun now is to be at a party.

And how he's been acting isn't noticed just by me. It's been everyone. Me, Anna, Rachel, Kevin, Elliot, Mary, and Cellie. And I'm really worried that after tonight, when he gets drunk (he told me a couple weeks ago that he hadn't decided yet, but I think it really meant that he had but just didn't want to tell me---which also really bothers me), he's never going to be interested in being with us ever again, that he'll forget us completely, or at least me, since I don't even go to the same school. It might be an irrational fear, but it's deeply tattooed into my mind. I'd act this way if it were any of my friends, this sudden change.

I just miss him so much, already. It's almost like I've already lost him.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Oh goodness, I'm getting so excited for tomorrow's festivities! I mean, technically right now I'm being the insomniac that I am and staying up late, so it's technically Christmas for me already: but nope, it won't be Christmas until tomorrow morning, really! I can't wait to give out my gifts: I had so much fun buying them all.

Today me and my best friend Anna went on an early morning adventure to deliver our presents to all of our friends, which turned out to be quite hilarious. First we headed over to Elliot's house to deliver a CD I had bought him which he wanted.

Upon arriving, we were of course met by Elliot's two dogs: little Maggie (well, she's not really little...but in comparison..) and GIGANTIC Achilles, the black Great Dane. He's huge. Elliot's mom, Lori, was telling us how people stop while she's walking him and ask if they can get their picture with him, he's that big. He's super cute, though. Anyway, we got invited into Elliot's house while Dave, Elliot's dad, went to fetch 'Elli-Jelli-Belli-Boo' (please call him that, if you see him ever) who was just about to get into the shower and was super disoriented when we got there. But he loved his gift, and Anna's promise to make him some baked goods since she was unable to go to his party last Friday.

Upon leaving Elliot's we headed over to Kevin's, bearing the fleece blanket we had tied for him the night previous: one side of turquoise with brown patterns on it, and the other a chocolate brown. We rang to doorbell, and appears Kevin, with sleep-hair worthy of my own father, and looking completely disoriented. Then I shoved his blanket into his arms, and watched a look of confusion fade into realization when he touched the blanket, and then he instantly held it up in his arms and snuggled. It was hilarious...I wish SO badly I would have brought my camera. After warning him about the little bit of dog hair that might be on it (since he's fairly allergic), we departed, and left to go to Tucker's.

Upon arriving at Tucker's house, Tucker's older sister Emily answered the door (mind you..it's around 10:30 at this time, now) and invited us in. She informed us that Tucker was still asleep, but we could go wake him up, if we wanted. So, we did. We walked into his room and saw Tucker sleeping, bare-chested under his blankets, when Anna turned to me saying "Dear God: I hope he's wearing pants," which of course made me crack up. So we stepped farther in, and I whispered "Tuckerrrrr!" until he woke up. He saw us, grumbled, then rolled over. Haha! But then I think he woke up more fully, turned back to us, and then I shoved the blanket (same kind as Kevin's, only Tucker's was a red pattern on the front and white on the back) into his arms. He too, like Kevin, went through stages. First it was fear, having an unknown foreign object thrust into his face suddenly, then it went into a confusion as he stroked the fleece, then a sudden grab/snuggle with the blanket. We felt we had bothered him enough (after he had indeed, informed us that he was wearing pants) so we left his room. So of course we ended up striking conversation with his parents, so we got invited to have some delicious cinnamon raisin bread. By that time Tucker had woken up, and we started talking about colleges, scholarships, and the like. So we stayed probably for a half an hour, until Anna needed to get going (she was having brunch with her family at noon). So we departed, and quickly dropped our gifts for Mary, which was quick because she wasn't home. We were going to trek over to the Avenues and downtown to give gifts to Rachel, Cellie, and Lindsay, but we just didn't have enough time. We'll get to it eventually, I suppose.

Well, I'm finally feeling tired, so I might actually go to bed now.

Merry Christmas!

(explanation of the pictures? the top one is of myself, Rachel, Nate, and Tucker. The bottom one is of me and Anna. Aren't we cute?)

Sunday, December 23, 2007

How nice, I know. Since I'm sure you ALL have been dieing to know about the inner workings of my life. I promise you now...it's not that great. But it might be nice to have something for you guys out there, since I do have another blog on another site, but it's only viewable to other members of that site.

So...it's the holiday season! I'm so excited for everything that is happening, and that has happened. On Friday we all went over to my Aunt Jan's house and everyone either made gingerbread houses, and me and my sister Natalie made these super cute gingerbread mobiles.

I also love the holidays for everyone's birthdays during this season. In December alone I have two of my best friend's birthdays (Elliot's is the 19th, Mary's the 14th...both 18!), my Mom's (December 9th), and my brother-in-law Matt's (December 22nd). They all have had fun events to go along with them, which have kept me busy on the weekends. For Mary's we trekked down to The Gateway Mall and saw I Am Legend...creepy! For Elliot's we spent a fun night at Laserquest playing laser tag (Natalie, you should have had his party there!) And the other night, for Matt's birthday, we just had a fun night at the Robinson Household talking, eating cake, and playing with their kitties. I gave Matt a neat carved box from India with a dragon on it, and it's a puzzle to open it. When I saw it in the market in Delhi I just knew I had to buy it for him.

Tonight is the Bernhisel side of the family's annual Eve of the Eve party..and I'm so excited. It's one of my favorite holiday parties, and I'm excited to see everyone there whom I don't get to see always. I'm loving all the new little babies in the family: Carter, Jack, and Colter, with Felix on the way, but Natalie's pregnant belly is a reminder of he who is to come! I'm so excited for Matt and Natalie. I like being an aunt...because I can hold the baby for as long as I can until they get fussy: then I can just hand them off! It's great!

And as excited as I normally am for Christmas eve, I of COURSE have to work at my hostessing job at Rino's Fine Italian Restaurant! I'm so bummed! I was getting so excited to sit and eat fondue with all my family, and of course, Hoss, the manager, scheduled me to work. Oh well, hopefully I'll be able to spend some time with my family. I'm not really looking forward to working, especially since the restaurant is completely booked. Ugh!

I can't wait for Christmas, though. I've bought some great gifts and can't wait to give them all out. This is the first year that I haven't wanted anything, really, so it's kind of a nice change, compared to me always wanting everything. The only thing I really wanted this year/need is a computer thumb drive, since our CD burner is broken, which is mighty inconvenient if say, the printer is broken, or I need to bring something to school which is too large to send as an email attachment. Haha!

Anyway, I attribute my realization of me not needing anything to India: it absolutely changed my life in every way. Getting hugged simultaneously by 37 boys who utterly love you was one the the highlights of my life, and leaving them that last morning was one of the saddest. Those boys became my best friends, I loved every one of them with every fiber of my being; and it completely broke my heart to see the conditions they had been in, to see how grateful they were for everything we gave them, and to give them all their hugs goodbye. I don't think I had cried harder in my entire life than when I saw each one of those boys bawling (mind you, these boys are from ages 6 to 17 in my Ashram alone, they are different for each of the other orphanages) when they knew we couldn't come the next day. I miss them so much: and if I could, I would give them absolutely everything that I own.

If there is one thing I do know, it's that I want to go back more than anything in this entire world! I miss everyone I went with, and I miss those little Indian boys and girls so much. Their little faces are ingrained into me forever, and I will never forget what they have done for me.