PARENTING; A Childhood Issue? Ask a Librarian

By MICHAEL WINERIP

Published: May 20, 2007

GERI RUSSELL's daughter Kate was almost 4 when the mother first became ill. The prognosis was good, and Ms. Russell repeatedly reassured Kate, but it scared the little girl more than the mother understood. ''We had trouble getting her to sleep,'' Ms. Russell said. ''She'd wake me up in the middle of the night to give me a picture.''

Kate was suddenly afraid of wolves. ''She was worried a wolf would come into the house and get us,'' Ms. Russell said. So the mother went to the library here and asked the children's librarian, Paula Lefkowitz, for a good book on wolves for a preschooler. ''We talked about how the wolves lived far, far away in the West, way out there, far away,'' Ms. Russell said. ''I said, 'Everybody knows there's no wolves in Parsippany.' ''

Because Kate was a little girl who kept things inside, it took a few months before the mother realized what was really going on, and when she did, she headed back to the library. ''I asked if there are any books on how to help young children cope with a parent's cancer,'' Ms. Russell said.

Oh, there are. ''We have 'Daddy Has Cancer,' we have 'Mommy Has Cancer,' '' Ms. Lefkowitz said, holding up ''Sammy's Mommy Has Cancer,'' by Sherry Kohlenberg, which, like Ms. Russell's real-life story, ends happily -- Ms. Russell has been cancer-free for many years now.

Ms. Lefkowitz has books about real children successfully coping with their own serious health problems, like ''Young People and Chronic Illness,'' by Kelly Huegel, which features chapters on Greg (hemophilia), Jessica (diabetes) and Matthew (inflammatory bowel disease).

And if the real-life story doesn't end so happily, Ms. Lefkowitz has books for that, too. ''I Had a Friend Named Peter,'' by Janice Cohn. ''Where Is Grandpa?'' by T. A. Barron. ''Daddy's Chair,'' by Sandy Lanton. ''Mama,'' by Eleanor Schick.

When parents need help, they talk to school psychologists, to therapists, social workers, their own parents, friends -- themselves -- and more than you might think, the local librarian. In the nearly 20 years since Ms. Lefkowitz became children's librarian here, she's seen an enormous growth in children's services. When she began, she was the only children's librarian for three buildings; today there are 10 children's librarians in the three buildings. The town opened a new main branch last year, and a major reason was to expand children's services from 2,000 to 10,000 square feet.

If there's a parenting problem, Ms. Lefkowitz -- a former president of children's services of the New Jersey Library Association -- probably has a lengthy bibliography for it. Allergies? Pick an allergy, any allergy. For a pet allergy there is ''Aaron's Awful Allergies,'' by Troon Harrison, or ''Harry's Dog,'' by Barbara Ann Porte. A general food allergy? ''No More Pizza for Louie,'' by Katy Hall, or ''Taking Food Allergies to School,'' by Ellen Weiner. Peanut allergy? Try ''Allie the Allergic Elephant,'' by Nicole Smith, or ''No Nuts for Me,'' by Aaron Zevy.

Some parenting problems are universal. As Rose Schulman, another librarian, says, ''If there's one thing that affects every parent, regardless of race, religion or poverty level, it's potty training.''

Some are quite individual. An immigrant from the Mideast told Ms. Lefkowitz he wanted a book for his 14-year-old daughter that would be ''good for her.'' ''As I listened, I realized he wanted something where the daughter would not interfere with the father's desire for obedience,'' Ms. Lefkowitz said. ''Now, I'm here to serve people's needs, it's not my place to judge, this is a public library.'' Ms. Lefkowitz recommended ''Little Women,'' by Louisa May Alcott. She figured that Jo -- the sister in the novel who is hot-tempered yet devoted to her father -- might please the real-life father.

For a Christian fundamentalist who is homeschooling her children, Ms. Lefkowitz suggested ''Genesis for Kids: Science Experiments That Show God's Power in Creation!'' by Doug Lambier.

Ms. Lefkowitz was asked for help by an African-American mother whose son goes to a mostly white preschool. The boy came home upset that the other children didn't want to touch his skin. The mother was looking for books to give to the teacher to make those 4-year-olds understand they were being hurtful. Ms. Lefkowitz sent her off with several picture books, including ''Amazing Grace,'' by Mary Hoffman, the story of a black girl who's determined to play Peter Pan in the class play.

Sandra Stahr's daughter Rachael, now 12, is a voracious reader, which caused its own problems. ''She was running out of things to read,'' Ms. Stahr said. ''At 8, she could've read Anne Frank, but I didn't want that yet -- it was too horrific for 8.'' She said Ms. Lefkowitz ''knows so many books.'' Rachael particularly liked the Betsy-Tacy books written in the 1940s and '50s, about spirited girls growing up in Minnesota at the turn of the last century.

For parents with children with the opposite problem -- teenagers who read poorly but crave mature themes -- Ms. Lefkowitz recommends ''Who Owns Kelly Paddik?'' by Beth Goobie, a novel about an abused teenager in juvenile lockup that's written on a third-grade reading level.

For that flustered parent with a middle schooler who has waited until the last moment to do a report, Ms. Lefkowitz pulls out a reference book, ''The World's Best Thin Books: What to Read When Your Book Report Is Due Tomorrow.'' Young adult books are listed according to thickness, from thin (''Maniac Magee,'' by Jerry Spinelli, 180 pages) to thinner (''The Cay,'' by Theodore Taylor, 144 pages) to thinnest (''The Winter Room,'' by Gary Paulsen, 112 pages).

Sadly, one of the larger bibliographies is books on divorce. They start with Mr. Rogers's ''Let's Talk About It: Divorce,'' which advises boys and girls to express their feelings by drawing pictures or pounding some clay. And they progress to ''My Parents Are Getting Divorced,'' by Florence Cadier, which tells teenagers: ''Your childhood is coming to an end and with it goes the illusion that nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.''

''We get requests for books that will teach a small child, 'It's not your fault Daddy didn't show up for visitation,' '' Ms. Lefkowitz said. ''I've looked, but I can't find anything on Daddy not coming to see me.''

Lately, Ms. Lefkowitz has been purchasing a new group of books about what it's like when a parent goes off to war. ''I like this one,'' she said, holding up ''Love, Lizzie: Letters to a Military Mom.'' ''It's got a good ending. Mommy gets home safe.''