Quite obviously, I’ve made a change to the appearance of this place. I like it, I think, for now, anyway. Not really very much new here, just sitting here fiending on some Devotchka, who I like the more I listen to. Also, back in amerika, which is my new way of spelling that word. Can’t really say why, just like the way it looks.

Christmas is almost here and I know what I’m getting–just a hat and scarf, which is fine by me. I don’t much want anything except for a new translation of my Dostoevsky books, or just new copies of them. All these books, just love ’em. But, yeah, just the scarf and hat. They’ll serve me well until I inevitably lose them. Not really a fan of Christmas or most holidays for that matter. Meh, another day, another year, time goes on, and so shall we.

Amerika, back here and I don’t much like it, I don’t think. I don’t know really, just feel listless since getting back. I fear there’s really nothing for me in my country. Though seeing my friends, few of which I’ve really seen yet, was very nice. Sometimes you don’t realise how glad you are to see someone ’til they’re right in front of you, smiling like an asshole. As happens, a few minutes after re-uniting, everything’s back to normal, almost as if you never separated. But, to be quite honest, I feel troubled. I think I’m getting depressed, as frequently happens. Almost like clockwork, really, it strikes for a while and just hangs about, bothering me. Don’t worry, I’ll be quite fine–am quite fine–just a little down in the mouth. I guess some things just aren’t the way I wanted them to be. Nothing to be done about it, just a homecoming that’s a bit strange, leaving me restless and listless.

I still have three essays to write, really should get on that. They won’t write themselves and the due date’s coming quickly. Haven’t been putting pen to paper lately, really. Just lazing about. And I think that’s the surest sign that I’m falling into a bit of melancholia, just can’t be bothered to do much of anything. I guess another sign is that I can’t sleep. I was up for about 45 hours and only slept maybe five today. I don’t feel tired or anything, just, I don’t know, walking dead stagger, I guess.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about literature, as I often do, and have decided that most stories are about two things: your father or love. Now, father here’s a bit more broad than just your biological father, as love is a bit more broad that romance. Let’s start with father. The father here can be many things. He can be your biological father, the one who raised you. He can be god, or your model for god–religion, if you will. He can be the force that created you, made you who you are–government or culture, to put a nice name on it. Now, I think most stories are about this. Well, really, most of life is about this, so it stands to reason. Love now, love can be a love story–Tereza and Tomas–or it can be the love of the land, the love of the sea, the love of the stars. I think all stories are about one of these two things, not just broadly, but specifically. Also, I think the greatest of stories, the one’s never forgotten, always retold, are about both. Think Shakespeare or Dostoevsky.

Just a thought I’ve been kicking around.

Really, not much more to say. Staying pretty bored here. I feel like I’m missing something very important, and I don’t mean a phone or car, something feels amiss here.

Hey kids. I’ve decided to make some changes. One of them being this, the way I’m typing. Capitalisation and all that stuff, make this a bit more professional, or something. I don’t know, just seems like it may be easier to read this way, and I’ve also decided to formalise my typing. A bad habit to keep everything lower case. Other changes, well, none yet, but I’m thinking about changing the layout to this page. I don’t much like the way it looks, but that’s not really a big deal. Maybe some other changes will appear on here, I’m not sure. Though a big change did just happen. I’m done with class for the term. Fells good, but I’ve still three essays to write by January. A break of sorts is upon me.

But, yeah, done with class and now have a week to wander about Dublin, though I’m beginning to run quite short on money. I come home next week, the fifteenth, which, I think, is actually a week form Monday. Still though, about a week. Hopefully I’ll have a bit of money when I return home.

This week though, I think I’m going to spend it relaxing and doing a lot of nothing. Maybe read a few books, do a massive rewrite of a vampire story, and hopefully finish an essay. Maybe catch a few films, too. Most of my friends here are going to be gone, I think, so it’ll give me lots of freetime. Almost only freetime. Yes, I think freetime is one word.

On a bit of a serious note, school’s wearing me down. It’s been slowly dragging me down since summer. Not Trinity, but school in general and the thought of how long I’ll be in school. I don’t know if I can take it. Also, my excittement and enthusiasm for what I’m studying is waning. I don’t know if I still want to go into neuroscience of even into psychology. C’est le vie, yeah? I hope. But, yeah, just kind of dragging my feet on the thought of four more years of college. I think I’m going to take a break after undergraduate studies. At least a semester, maybe a year. Put my head back on and get ready to work for a living. Bah, that’s the thing, work. I fear I’m just epically lazy and don’t want to do anything ever.

It’ll pass, though. I just need to get over myself. Life is too fun to spend working, though. But you gotta do something, I suppose.

Anyway, I’ll probably not post in here for a while as I’m coming home soon. I won’t have a phone at home, so I may be hard to get a hold of. I’ll probably be at my parents house if you can’t find me. Just show up or give them a ring. Yeah, excited to see some of you american peeps. Kind of.

ive mentioned it a few times and its finally here. issue five of colored chalk magazine entitled sins of the father is now online and viewable/printable. i got accepted and published in this issue alongside stephen graham jones. yeah, thats right, stephen graham jones. its one thing to get published, but getting published in the same issue as one of your heroes is just beyond cool. anyway, link here: http://coloredchalk.com/modules/smartsection/item.php?itemid=113. my story is called bury me. its a 1,400 word sentence said from a father to a son. yeah, i know, thats a long sentence. but as you probably know, im constantly trying to push my sentences to the limit of late. try to get them as big and complicated and impossible as possible. this one doesnt have punctuation either. hopefully its readable and all that. its at least good enough to get in this magazine.

really though, check out the magazine. some great writers in there, mostly unknown. a few of the guys are shopping around novels right now and working on new ones. im in a writers workshop with a few of them as well to work on our novels. you know, try to get things going proper. though, im not really sure how much i like workshopping. i mean, its useful, but sometimes its not. well, it is useful, ionly to get another set of eyes on the piece. it makes you not want to embarrass yourself so you work that much harder on the draft. no one wants to look stupid. ever. but, yeah, thats the news for today.

im also sending in another story for the sixth issue of colored chalk. i’ll probably send it sometime next week, been fine-honing it for about a week. pretty excited about it, to be honest. but, yeah, issue six is entitled waking up strange. i’ll link it, just in case anyone else wants to try their hand at getting a story in there: http://coloredchalk.com/modules/smartsection/item.php?itemid=101. theres a 1,500 word limit and submissions are due december 31st. good luck.

few details about the magazine. the editor switches every issue as its more or less run by a loose net of writers. they proposition themes for the next issue, and the winner is that issues editor. its a bi-monthly magazine. mostly online, though it is printable and some of the guys hand out copies. theres no pay or anything like that. stephen graham jones is the first famous author to be in the magazine, if you can call him famous, established might be the better word. anyway, yeah, its growing pretty fast as this is the first year theyve been around. this next issue may get a few established authors as well. its a cool thing to be a part of or to see happen. i mean, im not really a part of it, just a one time contributer, but im going to put some time into it from here on out. lots of cool guys in charge of the magazine. exciting stuff. for me, anyway.