Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Let's start with.. It's been a while, I know. Here I am, still me and in one piece. (I'll toast to that!)

Lately, all's that I find myself doing is placing myself in others shoes which I feel we all need to do from time to time. Recently, it seems more and more which can be quite overwhelming. The strange thing is that it's not just people that surround my life but happens to be strangers as well.

We get so wrapped up in our every day routine. We get so comfortable with what is familiar and are too scared to color outside the lines so to speak. I guess that starts leading into a discussion of change which isn't the way I choose to go this evening. Even though, alot floats around the concept of change.

What I'm feeling is the burdens yet important responsibilities which make us.. well us. The strength that keeps us going, what forces that strength. Why do some of us have it and others don't? Who gets to be strong and how strong can one be?

There are those who go through life only worrying about how things will affect their lives. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about others, they just got so wrapped up in their own lives they don't feel or can't find room to let anyone in. Those are the kind of people others cannot depend on. Those who are really strong and try to carry the world on their shoulders, wish at times and they can be those people.. but we can't.

For so long, I've often wondered how people can turn others away. I've come to the conclusion I can sit there hour after hour trying to put myself in ....that woman's shoes.. the one driving the car that almost knocked me off the road. It makes me angry that she wasn't watching where she was going. Then I take a deep breath and think okay, what reasons could it be she was driving too fast? I start come up with all these understandable reasons.. she was trying to get the Hospital... Who knows..

I try to put myself in .. that's man's shoes. The one who makes rude remarks to people as he walks bye. Why? Well, he probably had a terrible home life growing up. Is it an excuse for him to treat people so terribly? No, it's not. Then why? Who knows..

So looking back to these scenarios before I end up writing a book and get lost as I always do.. What these two scenarios are lacking in my eyes is strength. When we're strong, and this doesn't mean confident, just strong our hearts seem to work on overrtime. The world is lacking strength. Those around us everyday are lacking strength. They're missing the strength to.. here goes that word make a 'change'. They're sad and miserable because there was never someone with strength in their lives to encouragement them, push them, fix the record player so it's not on repeat over and over playing the same song.

We all need to find our own strength. The hardest part is controlling it and knowing how strong we can be before we burn ourselves out. We can't be super heroes. The world will crush us if it's on our shoulders. We pick our battles and choose when it's okay to step in. If you have strength, share. Get someone you love away from that neverending routine that seems to bring them down. Be strong for others, but at the same time don't lose yourself.

Monday, January 19, 2009

'So much to do'.. that's what I think of the moment I wake up to the time my eyes shut at night and my body falls sound asleep. Do you ever find yourself in such a comfortable position that if only you could lock that moment in time and go back to it whenever you're stressed? I have those moments but it seems to never be the same. In other words, it's like going to the hair dresser, having your hair look and feel perfect and you can never get it like that again. I can't remember the last time I've been to a salon..

'So much to do'.. so what do I do about it? That's what I find myself asking.. myself in that comfortable position. It's been 3 yrs now since Charlie and I moved into our apartment. I have boxes still from my previous home of items I wasn't even aware were there. They say and I'm uncertain if its 1 or 2 yrs, but if you haven't touched, worn or used an item in that amount of time then it's good to throw it out. It's things you don't need. Now I'm sure they aren't referring to pictures, etc. Because pictures, there is no way those will ever be confined in a garbage bag. I went through clothes, tops that are still beautiful but I never wear because I accumulate more and more clothes. Those who know me, I'm a pack rat and I LOVE clothes :) Can I add a comment there, I'm a bargain shopper, so my life savings does not go to fabrics haha. I simplified my closets. Not only where my clothes rest, but my hallway closet.

I know these last few thoughts have no true importance, but it made me feel amazing. I feel amazing as I type. I have a sign when you walk in my home and the door shuts.. it says 'simplify'. That's how I look at life. If you're life is too congested, then that's how your life will play out. You'll feel like everything is caving in around you, that there's no where to go. For a while now I've had that feeling. It started to take over me, but I won't let it. You just need the motivation. Through everything recently, non stop stomach aches, migraines that just seem to visit whenever they choose.. I needed something.. I need to simplify what's pushing me down. Now you probably think, what does a semi-empty closet really do? Well it's actually going to help me in the future. See Charlie and I goal this year is getting a house. Now when we find a house, I don't want to spend weeks getting rid of garbage. I figure if I do this now, that's less stress in months from now that we or I will have to deal with. I'm trying to simplify now.

I guess the way I describe this whole transition I'm going through may in a way be organizing, but I don't think so. It's the end result of course, but there's still so much simplifying I need to do with my life.

I challenge all of you to simplify something in your life. Start small, go through a sock drawer lol. You must have socks with holes in them that just sit there and you never ever wear them. Go through a desk drawer and throw out those little pieces of paper, or pens that don't work. Perhaps you want to go bigger, through a cell phone and delete those numbers that you have no idea who they belong too or perhaps people you don't even speak to anymore. Maybe it's gathering all the loose change in your home, pockets, car and putting it into a savings account. Trust me, you'll be left with this amazing feeling. You'll be left sitting in this extremely comfortable position.. that same position you were trying so hard to find again that you can now lock in place. You'll know how to get back that feeling again. It's the feeling of something new, a new chapter.. you're simplifying you're life and now creating allowing so much more room for something great to come in. You're getting ready to move on with life.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

It's finally 2009 and before we know it 2010 will be knocking on our doors. These past few months have truly opened my eyes. Believe me, I know I sound like a broken record when every day something opens my eyes. The surgery went 'okay' and that's all I really can say on that. It didn't go bad.. just not how I would have liked it to. I went in not knowing the underlining cause of my stomach pain and I came out with answers. The answers have not been elimated though, and that's what I'm struggling with everyday. I have endometriosis in various spots. The main one is behind my uterus on the opposite wall (whatever that truly means in medical terms). It doesn't go away I'm told and the pain has not gone away. I feel the same way I did prior to my surgery. There's a few options to suppress the pain, but I'm not to keen on those ideas. I'm not complaining however, I think I hide it all pretty well. It'll take time but things will work out how they should. I'll make the best decisions for me.

Christmas, oh my my my.. CHRISTMAS! What a fabulous Christmas my family and I had. The majority of my relatives on my father's side all celebrated the 'EVE' together and it was such a blast. We couldn't have all asked for a better Christmas. Just to add we were missing alot of family, so of course that would have been truly amazing having everyone together.

This leads me to my project I'm working on, which hands down I'm pretty stoked about. If you have a huge family (not necessarily close, as most families have their arguments here and there) you will know what I mean. Everyone family has stories. My family (relatives included here of course) are always sharing stories whenever we're together. Ex: happy or sad memories; silly inside jokes; twisted stories since as years go on our memories fade away. Yet they're stories, and they make us who we are and each family member will carry those on forever. Going back 10 years, I wanted to put together a book of stories from my family. This way in 10.. 20.. 100 yrs from now generations can read about these life changing events, crazy stories and the ones that make you roll on the floor laughing. This past Christmas finally woke that idea back up. The book is going to be dedicated to my Memere and Papa, because without them my family would not be a family. As well dedicated to my Uncle Timmy who had passed away when we were younger. I feel this is something every family needs. Wouldn't you love to right now sit down and open up a book of stories that your great great-grandparents put together? To hear about what life was like when they were younger, or growing up? I will keep you posted with my progress.

So here we are 1/11/09, have you written down any goals? It seems everyone is so against writing goals down. I hear the same answer, 'eh.. I'll never do that.. That will never happen.. I stopped writing resolutions down'. The sad part is when we write down resolutions, it makes us feel we have a time limit of 365 days to get every item on our list checked off and completed. It shouldn't be looked at that way. It's the same thing as figuring out what you want to be, or do with your life. It takes time. You need to work on the minor aspects of your life. That way once they're all taken care of, all those minute and tedious little obstacles.. you can then move on to the BIG stuff!

I have a few goals.. taking care of things we need to do so Charlie and I will be in a house! I'm working really hard on my Photography and that'll be rolling any week now. I hope to advance with work. It takes time. Things will not happen over night, I know that.