Sensitive post. my Fil

Please everyone, i want you to be as honest as you can with me even if it is to tell me to shut up and think straight.

My fil (father-in-law) is 80. My daughter is 16 months old but looks like a 2 year old. Few days ago, fil (father-in-law) was at ours for the day. We had the day as usual, me cooking and him playing with the kids, my dad is here too.

come afternoon, my dad is upstairs napping. my husband is sat on his laptop at the dining table and fil (father-in-law) is sat on the sofa (combined living and dining room). my eldest is baking cookies with me in the kitchen while my youngest is in the living room with my husband and fil.

I walk into the room seeing my 16 month old daughter playing with my fil (father-in-law) who had his legs open and she was clapping and getting excited at a toy he was holding. She was hysterical and buring her head between his legs where fils private parts would be. immidiately i felt very uncomfortable. This went on for like 1 minute and i grabbed my dd (dear daughter) and took her in the kitchen saying she needs her dinner.

Then today he was here again and has just left. I saw my same dd (dear daughter) lying on the sofa drinking milk (she still uses a bottle ) and fil (father-in-law) sat next to her watching news channel and my daughter one foot is again in his lap. my whole body went into shock. So i started screaming at my eldest for something just to get fils attention. he moved away. now this moving away made me even more uncomfortable.
if her foot was touching him, why did he not move before ??

i was going crazy the other day thinking i am dirty i am wrong too much scared etc and maybe although my daughter was close to him, her hands werent touching him.

I cant speak to anyone about is. fil (father-in-law) is lovely man. he is great which is why i am thinking if i am thinking too much (i was abused as a young child but not at young as my daughter)and if i told my husband, he will either tell me i am crazy or throw my fil (father-in-law) out and probably beat the crap out of him.

What do you mean her foot was on her lap and where was her head? Like her face was facing his crotch?

I’m just trying to get what you’re seeing.

Saying that...only you know what you saw. It’s hard to know whether you’re going off your experience(i an sorry you went through that) or if you are correct.

Personally. I’d speak to my DH (dear husband) if I was in anyway uncomfortable. He knows my history as well so would understand why I’d be worried and would be able to put my mind at ease or watch our sons closely the next interaction they had with FIL.

What do you mean her foot was on her lap and where was her head? Like her fac...

Posted
13/06/2018

What do you mean her foot was on her lap and where was her head? Like her face was facing his crotch?

I’m just trying to get what you’re seeing.

Saying that...only you know what you saw. It’s hard to know whether you’re going off your experience(i an sorry you went through that) or if you are correct.

Personally. I’d speak to my DH if I was in anyway uncomfortable. He knows my history as well so would understand why I’d be worried and would be able to put my mind at ease or watch our sons closely the next interaction they had with FIL.

her head was on the cushion while she was holding her bottle and her foot was on fil's lap.

and the other day her head facing down was in fils lap and he had his legs open. she was standing between his legs but i dont know if her face was touching him down there or not..even typing this is making me want to cry and dh (dear husband) doesn't know my history of abuse. nobody does and i dont want anyone to know it either (as bad as it sounds(.

My thought as I read it was ‘ I wonder if op has a personal experience of abuse’ because this alone wouldn’t immediately ring alarm bells but I wouldn’t necessarily brush off either. Sometimes mother’s instinct is all you need to know but sometimes prior trauma and anxiety can cloud it.

I don’t think it’s unusual for toddlers to dive into crotch areas like this- my 11 month old ds (dear son) currently walks into everyone like he’s a puppy sniffing it’s slightly awkward! Maybe FIL (father-in-law) didn’t know what to do without drawing unnecessary attention? I think it would be premature to raise alarm bells but just keep a wee eye on things and if a pattern is emerging you’ll know.

thank you.
THis is why i mentioned my own past that i was abused to help you...

Posted
13/06/2018

thank you.

THis is why i mentioned my own past that i was abused to help you guys see if i am being ott.

I was also abused as a child and it feels horrible to get that split second sinking feeling with people you trust.

From what you have posted, the first incidence when they were playing was completely innocent. From a non-abusive perspective, her being near his private parts is likely something he didn’t even notice. The second incident, FIL (father-in-law) probably thought LO (little one) was comfortable and didn’t want to shove her foot off.

By all means, keep an eye on things but I wouldn’t make accusations from what you have said already.

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