The Printed Blog is thrilled to publish some of the most amazing photographers in the world. This is
a two page layout from photographer George Holz. Visit his web site at www.georgeholz.com to see
more incredible shots of the biggest celebrities. Be sure to also visit www.threeboysfrompasadena.com
where you can see some of George’s personal work. Finally, if you want the best photography the web
has to offer delivered to your house each week in a beautiful print format, visit www.theprintedblog. com
and subscribe today!
2

George Holz
George Holz is an American photographer whose
work spans 30 years and includes nudes, fashion,
and celebrity portraits. He is a native of Oak Ridge
Tennessee, and graduated from Art Center College
of Design in Pasadena, California in 1980. While at
Art Center, Holz assisted for Helmut Newton, who
urged him to move to Milan to pursue his vision. In
Europe, Holz’s work appeared in Italian Vogue, Lei,
Linea Italiana, Madame Figaro and French Elle. After
five years in Europe, he returned to New York City in
the mid 1980’s and opened a studio in the Village.

In New York, his fashion and beauty editorial work appeared in Harper’s Bazaar, Interview Magazine,
and the New York Times Magazine. Holz photographed many advertising campaigns for diverse clients
including Max Factor, DeBeers Diamonds, and Elizabeth Arden. His “Gold” campaign for the International
Gold Corporation won him a Clio Award.
In the early 1990’s Holz’s work segued into celebrity portraiture. He began shooting in LA and NY for
clients such as Vanity Fair, Entertainment Weekly, and In Style. He photographed major celebrities in
music, film, sports and politics including Jack Nicholson, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce, Madonna, Michael

Jordan and President Bill Clinton. Holz photographed movie posters including “Face Off” for Paramount
Pictures with John Travolta and Nicholas Cage. Holz won a Grammy award for his photography on
Suzanne Vega’s “Days of Open Hand” album cover.
George currently divides his time between assignments in NY, LA and Europe. When he’s not
photographing, he lives with his wife, son, and animals on their farm in upstate New York.
www.georgeholz.com

Welt am Sontag in Germany asked me for an op-ed on Wikileaks. Here it is, auf Englisch.
Hier, auf Deutsch.
Government should be transparent by default, secret by necessity. Of course, it is not. Too
much of government is secret. Why? Because those who hold secrets hold power.
Now Wikileaks has punctured that power. Whether or not it ever reveals another document—
and we can be certain that it will—Wikileaks has made us all aware that no secret is safe. If
something is known by one person, it can be known by the world.
But that has always been the case. The internet did not kill secrecy. It only makes copying
and spreading information easier and faster. It weakens secrecy. Or as a friend of mine says,
the internet democratizes leaking. It used to be, only the powerful could hold and uncover
knowledge. Now many can.
Of course, we need secrets in society. In issues of security and criminal investigation as well as
the privacy of citizens and some matters of operating the state—such as diplomacy—sunlight can
damage. If government limited secrecy to that standard—necessity—there would be nothing for
Wikileaks to leak.
But as we can see from what has been leaked, there is much we should know—actions taken
in our name—that government holds from us. We also know that the revelation of these secrets
has not been devastating. America’s and Germany’s relationship has not collapsed because one
undiplomatic diplomat called Angela Merkel uncreative. Wikileaks head Julian Assange told the
Guardian that in four years, “there has been no credible allegation, even by organizations like the
Pentagon, that even a single person has come to harm as a result of our activities.”
So perhaps the lesson of Wikileaks should be that the open air is less fearsome than
we’d thought. That should lead to less secrecy. After all, the only sure defense against leaks is
transparency.
But that is not what’s happening. In the U.S., the White House announced a new security
initiative to clamp down on information. The White House even warned government workers not
to look at Wikileaks documents online because they were still officially secret, which betrays a
fundamental misunderstanding of the definition of secret as something people do not know. I fear
that one legacy of Wikileaks’ work will be that officials will communicate less in writing and more
by phone, diminishing the written record for journalism and history.
I have become an advocate of openness in government, business, and even our personal
lives and relationships. The internet has taught me the benefits of sharing and connecting
information.
This is why I have urged caution in not going overboard with the privacy mania sweeping
much of modern society and especially Germany. Beware the precedents we set, defaulting to
closed and secret, whether in pixelating public views in Google Street View, or in disabling the
advertising targeting that makes online marketing more valuable and will pay for much of the
web’s free content.
I fear that a pixel fog may overcome us, blurring what should be becoming clearer. I had
hoped instead that we would pull back the curtain on society, letting the sunlight in. That is our
choice.
In researching my book on the benefits of publicnness (to be published as Public Parts in the
U.S. and Das Deutsche Paraoxon in Germany), I have found that new technology often leads to
fears about exposure of privacy. The invention of the Gutenberg press, the camera, the mass press,
the miniature microphone, and now the internet have all sparked such worry.
Now, in Wikileaks, we see a new concern: that secrecy dies. It does not; secrecy lives. But it is
wounded. And it should be. Let us use this episode to examine as citizens just how secret and how
transparent our governments should be. For today, in the internet age, power shifts from those
who hold secrets to those to create openness. That is our emerging reality.
Business, be warned: You are next.

When karma strikes twice
By Dave Knechel | 9/5/10 | Marinade Dave

http://bit.ly/dFOWWI

I live in the Orlando, Florida area. I began writing about the Casey/Caylee Anthony murder
case two months after the toddler’s mother was first arrested in July of 2008. I attend almost all of
the hearings and because of my coverage, the first judge, Stan Strickland, stepped down after the
defense filed a recusal motion because of the friendship the judge and I developed. He called me
up to the bench to tell me I was very fair in my reporting, but the defense begged to differ with
him. It was, to my knowledge, the first time a blogger impacted a capital murder trial.
At 6:13 PM EDT on October 26, 2006, Danny Harold Rolling took his final breath. Florida’s
most notorious serial killer since Ted Bundy was executed by lethal injection for raping and
carving up five college students in a ghastly spree that horrified and terrorized the University of
Florida’s campus in Gainesville back in August of 1990, just as the fall semester got underway.
Each one was murdered with a hunting knife. Some were mutilated, sexually molested and put in
gruesome poses. One of his victim’s severed head was placed on a shelf, her body posed in a seated
position.
Just before his execution, he confessed to the November 1989 murders of a 55-year-old man in
Shreveport, Louisiana, his 24-year-old daughter and her 8-year-old son.
One of his victims at UF was Sonja Larson, a freshman who was killed along with her
roommate in the apartment they shared. Her goal was to become a teacher. On that fateful night,
she and her roommate, Christina Powell, went to a local Walmart to buy a few things. Danny
Rolling was a drifter who just happened to be in the store at the same time. He followed the
women back to their apartment and attacked them in their sleep.
Her brother, Jim Larson, who lives in Orlando, said, “He confessed to killing five people.
He cut their heads off, then played with them. He did the worst things you can possibly do to
somebody...’’
During the trial, he was so shocked by the details that at one point, he curled into a ball
on the floor and sobbed. He might have never moved from that spot had it not been for his
wife, Carla. She cradled him as he cried and sat with him during the remainder of the trial. She
convinced him that evil had not infested the entire world, despite it touching so close to home.
She was his guide and mentor; his beacon of hope and strength.
Fast forward seven years. Carla Larson got up on the morning of June 10, 1997, to go to
work as a building engineer for Centex Rooney Construction Company. The project, a resort
called Coronado Springs, was on Walt Disney World property. It was an ordinary day until she
left for lunch and never came back. She went to a nearby Publix supermarket to buy grapes and
strawberries when a small time convict named John Huggins kidnapped her in the parking lot,
drove to a remote field, and strangled her, partially burying her in a shallow grave and covering
her with leaves.
This is only the beginning of the story. Read the rest of this gripping, true life
tale at http://bit.ly/dFOWWI.
photography

So you have to go through a scanner at the airport. You can look at this two ways. The first
being that your privacy is being invaded and there is no rhyme or reason why a stranger should
be given permission to touch you in such a public place. The other is that you can realize that
flying is not a right, it’s a privilege. One given to our society by innovation and the desire to bring
traveling the world closer to reality. We live in a time of ever-present danger and the willingness
of a small group of citizens of our world who want to do harm to an even larger group of people.
Flying is stressful enough as it is, we don’t need the added pressure of fear of terroristic acts to
accompany us as we spend hard earned dollars to take trips to places that we hope will allow us to
escape the doldrums of everyday life.
But this “perspective” that is running rampant through political conversations and watercooler moments that the new scanners need to be shut down immediately, is a forced perspective
in the wrong direction. I grew up in Germany at a time when airports were being bombed,
nightclubs were hit regularly, and terrorism was sweeping ahead in worldwide fears. And yet,
I knew every time I went to the airport to travel back to the United States, I was going to be
searched, asked questions, checked over to make sure I was who I said I was and I was simply there
because I wanted to go home. And even then, in my teenage years, I understood the importance
of security, even valued it, as I knew that those laborious steps I had to take to get onto the plane
would provide me and my fellow passengers a peace of mind that we could then use to rest our
heads back and sleep for the next ten hours.
We need to relax. Regain control over our own perspective and not the one of a rogue group
of people who will find anything to bitch and complain about. Flying is not a right afforded you
by the Constitution. Flying is not a right afforded you by the mere fact you live in the United
States. Flying is a privilege and as we all remember, privileges are earned by doing good things.
And in this case, there is simply one good thing you have to do, shut up, stand in line and let
the security know and your fellow passengers know that you aren’t some rogue terrorist who has
alternative plans for your flight.
And I have an added bonus if you behave. Once you go through the scanner, and by the by,
less than 1% of people who traveled this Thanksgiving weekend had to do such a thing, you will
have a wonderful opportunity awaiting you on the other side.
Remember riding a roller coaster and when you got finished you would walk by a little hut
that had TV screens where you could see how dumb your face looked when you started going
straight down hill? And for a mere $20 you could get a nice copy of that picture to display? Well I
offer up the same “joyous” occasion when you exit the scanner at the airport. Upon exiting, you
will be given the option to purchase an 8x10 copy of your scanned body, genitals and all. And for
a mere $50 dollars (we gotta get the deficit down, right?) you could turn a small annoyance into a
laugh as you walk the rest of the way to your flight.
Perspective. A copy of your scanned body? Fantastically fun. Bitching and moaning about
your safety? Fantastically stupid. It’s all about how you look at it.

I always thought that “bitch” was reserved for girls in high school who wore North Faces and
pleated skirts. Or girls at clubs who sipped their drinks like a bunch of fancy, nasty-ass bitches
who got nothing to back it up! Finally, I thought ‘bitch’ was a word overused to describe pretty
much anybody I know when I’m lacking the brainpower to say something more creative. Anyway,
through a series of small events, it has finally occurred to me that I AM ALSO A BITCH. This isn’t
even a terrible thing, it’s just something that I have to acknowledge and accept and own. I used to
think that my behavior was ‘sass,’ ‘snark’ or ‘sarcasm.’ Which it might have been at one point. But
now, as I get older, I realize that this sass has developed into full blown BITCH. Not fun ice queen
bitch. Not snap-your-fingers bitch. Just boring old, sometimes I’m sassy mostly I’m just annoyed
bitch. It’ll probably just get worse as I get older! No it won’t! I take all this word’s bad connotations
and say IT IS AN AWESOME WORD! Think you might be a bitch, too? Here’s how you can tell:
• You stare at yourself in the mirror not like you are looking at yourself, but rather like you are
challenging yourself to a chick fight. You know, hands on your hips, eyebrow cocked, bitch
come at me face on.
• SORE WINNER AT BOARD GAMES.
• You actively listen to only the verses of songs that Nicki Minaj guest raps in. You know most of
the words, and can do the Caribbean/British fusion accent she rocks okay.
• You see girls who dress up like Lady Gaga and say ‘you know, I could probably look more fierce
in that.’ Simply put, no bullshit: more fierce.
• You don’t roll your eyes. That is so cliche. Instead, you kind of smirk and raise both of your
eyebrows with the kind of face that says ‘I am so amused by your idiocy I will just kind of stare
at you with the kind of expression that deservedly warrants a punch.’
• When you are right about something, you just smile because of course you are right duhhhhhh!
You are usually wrong, so this is okay to act like.
• You find babies not cute when they do things that most people think are cute: “You call that
ARTWORK? Newsflash: that does NOT look like a house, you fucking tiny idiot human. Good
luck managing a chain store one day, Picasso.” You don’t hate them, you just think they need to
be treated like adults, or else reality will hit them hard some day.
• Phrases you say often “I hate everybody.” “I hate people.” And you don’t, always, but it makes
you look and feel like you are always wearing a leather jacket.
• You’ve never been in a fight, really, but you certainly insinuate that you COULD be. Especially
with the kinds of boots and heels you wear.
• Road. Rage.
• When you enter a grocery store and you have a cart, everybody better get the FUCK UP out of
your way. You want a tomato? Too fucking bad, you wait till I get mine. I am small but my cart
be mighty.
• You people watch just to get irritated at everybody you see. Your eyes are narrowed, and you
are not one to be approached. Teen couples have often inspired you not with the beauty and
innocence of young love, but with the power and strength of a swift kick to the chest.
• Anywhere is the right place to text! Who cares if you’re at dinner?! I get a message, I will answer
my damn message.
• You are a bonafide celebrity hater. Sipping on the haterade, nah mean? Every time you get a
celebrity magazine or see a clip of some Taylor Swift Disney knockoff all you can say is ‘blah
blah her breasts are uneven she looks bad in that dress what a terrible choice of hairstyle!’ You
would NEVER say that about people you know, but you WILL say that about people that make
millions of dollars more than you do a year. It’s not the same, we say!
• Whenever you see another girl at a party near somebody you are attracted to, your horns come
out and daggers get shot out of your eyes and you become a mighty beast that eats souls for
dinner. You hover near her, staring her down. Who is this thing? How can I destroy her? This
girl could be a waitress at your table, or even a THIRD cousin. Don’t matter. She’s gonna get
EYED. When she is nice, you feel guilty about this behavior, but you still suspect she hates
puppies.
• The pieces of advice you hear most often from friends are “suck it up” and “calm down.”
• You have this laugh… it’s just one ‘hah’ but it sounds more like ‘hummm’ and you use it when
somebody says they like Garden State or Miley Cyrus. It is a judgmental fucking laugh and even
though you say it’s not, everybody knows it.
• When you have a problem or an accomplishment, you must immediately text or Gchat or FB
chat everyone you know a ‘what’s up’ that is immediately followed by your news. Now, you are
totally okay with listening to all of your friends problems all the time, but when it’s your turn,
it’s your effing turn.
• “Yeah I HATE Twilight, but I’ve seen it.” “Sure, American Apparel is lame and expensive but
EVERYBODY has their sweatshirts.’
• You have at least three people on Facebook you stalk a bit just because you are fascinated and
disgusted by their life. Usually girls who are townies.
• You make fun of people you are attracted to. This is your defense mechanism.
• People actually say ‘you’re so much nicer when you’re drunk!’
photography

Remember that time in your life when you were just figuring out how to, like, be a human in
the world? And you were stuck with the same friends you’d had since kindergarten?
So they had the freedom and power to treat you like shit?
And you didn’t know enough about how to make other friends, so you just didn’t?
I remember the girls I was friends with in elementary school were merciless to me.
(And I’m sure all of you are reading this and saying, oh my god, same exact thing happened to me!)
I would go to school one day and feel bolstered by their loyalty. We had a strong pact, made
stronger by sleepovers where we’d choreograph dances to “Like a Prayer,” and make cheese eggs in
the mornings. (Except, I didn’t like the cheese eggs, so I’d make them make me regular eggs.)
The next day, it’d be like everyone had discussed my status before I’d gotten to school and
decided that I wasn’t in the group anymore.
I distinctly remember showing up on a school day and sitting down at a cafeteria table where
my friends were already sitting. I said something I’m sure I thought was cheeky and cute and
laughed at myself a little bit.
Silence.
Cold, staring, haunting silence.
My face dropped.
What had I done? Why the sudden shut out?
That silence still haunts me.
It’s amazing how these little moments in our childhoods can brand us for life.
And how often we remember them.
Take this interaction, this first indication that the people around me just weren’t as smart as I was.
My erstwhile “best friend” and I are waiting in a line before we’re let back into the school
after recess, and my long hair is blowing in the breeze.
She snaps at me, “Get your hair out of my face!” And I reply back, “It’s just blowing in the breeze!”
She didn’t believe me.
Really? You think my hair is magically standing on end and whipping into your face,
unprompted?
Idiot.
Needless to say, our friendship didn’t last past the 5th grade.
And yet, I think about that moment, like, once a month.
The four of us in the group would make little charts that we’d pass around our table in class.
The chart was for rating how much we liked the other members in the group.
“How much do you like me? From 1-10.”
Often, we’d mark 1,000,000 or -1,000,000 just to be clever, squishing the zeroes into the tiny
boxes on the note to make our point clear.
My existence on this planet seemed to rely on these rankings: who would mark me high
today? Who was going to be typical and mark a negative ranking? And which two had paired up
for the day, a seemingly indestructible force?
I look back on those days, aided by the earned perspective of age and years of therapy, and
think, how does any of us survive being a girl?
I’ve learned, in contrast, that there’s no gray area with the typical boy: they’re either happy
or they’re mad. Either friends or fighting.
And if there’s a conflict, there’s no emotional manipulation, no social customs to try to make
sense of, no teenage language to interpret.
Just a couple shoves or swings, and then they’re done.
Now that I’m working with students, I just gravitate to the boys.
I’d honestly rather they try to punch me than risk they might rank me negative 1,000,000
on their Facebook page dedicated to my lameness or whatever this generation’s version of a “How
much do you like me?” chart might be.
**UPDATE: I didn’t write this post in response to the recent teen suicides or even with them
in mind, necessarily. Still, having worked with young people for the last few years and having just
recently survived student-teaching at a high school (not to mention my own lonely adolescence),
I want to assert to you and to anyone you may share my blog with that finding people who really
support and nurture EXACTLY who you are isn’t easy but it is worth the work. Luckily, I’ve begun
to figure it out… And, if I can, you can.**

Views expressed within The Printed Blog do not Necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or The Printed Blog Inc. www.theprintedblog.com

In light of the film Black Swan’s imminent release and critical attention, its cast members
have been front-and-center in the media, especially actress Mila Kunis, who plays dancer Lily,
Portman’s character Nina’s antagonist and rival. Slight and slim, Kunis engaged in a rigorous diet
and exercise prior to shooting the movie, and lost 20 pounds to weigh in at 95 pounds.
Kunis openly commented on her weight loss, saying that in real life she looked “disgusting”
and friends and family started “panicking”. Co-star Natalie Portman also engaged in an extreme
program six months prior to filming, attempting to attain a physique akin to that of a professional
dancer. Kunis engaged in cardiovascular training and Pilates while Portman favored hours of
ballet, cross training and swimming.
It is no secret that professional ballet dancers maintain a below average weight and slender
physique, which is considered enviable by many due to the long, lean muscles and corresponding
slim, elegant look. Can such a look ever be healthy and attainable for a ‘normal’ person?
After some investigation, I discovered a book that would answer this question called ‘Diet for
Dancers: A Complete Guide to Nutrition and Weight Control’ by Robin D. Chmelar and Sally S. Fitt.
The book details what to eat in order to lose weight and maintain a low but healthy weight ideal
for the aesthetic demanded of dancers, and provides nutrition breakdown, sample meal plans, and
a suggested exercise regimen. The book is full of scientific research and findings that, although a
little dense at times, are mostly approachable and seem entirely sensible and trustworthy. Still, I
decided to test the book’s premises to find out whether the methods work for a non-dancer, and
produce desirable and healthy results.
The book recommends engaging in a combined diet and exercise program including 30 to
60 minutes of low-impact cardiovascular exercise three to five times a week, Pilates three times a
week, and a low-fat diet plan that involves 60% of the calories coming from carbohydrates, 20%
from protein and 20% from healthy fat, while restricting calories.
I opted for a 1,000 calorie diet on weekends and a 1,200 calorie diet on weekdays, purchased
an elliptical machine (there’s a great selection here http://www.ellipticalreviews.net/), and
added Pilates three times a week. Now, I am a person who found losing weight very difficult
in the past, however in the first two weeks I lost 8 pounds, and after only a month I was at my
lowest weight ever with a visibly slimmer and more toned physique. I also found the 1,200 calorie
diet plan easy to stick to and had increasing levels of energy. Even more satisfying, a pair of
Abercrombie & Fitch skinny jeans that I previously had trouble fitting into was comfortable on
the thighs and too loose around the waist and hips to wear.
The ‘dancer diet’ worked wonders for me, and continues to do so as I work my way towards a
physique I never dreamed I could attain. Best of all, I feel healthier than ever before. It is possible
to attain a physique worthy of a Black Swan performance while remaining healthy, too.
photography

Diana Kunst @ VANDER creative management | http://bit.ly/fwtVNr

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY: WILL LOSING HALF A
STONE REALLY MAKE YOU HAPPIER?
By Nesha Woolery | 12/3/10 | the button owl.
http://bit.ly/hGYCyI
Let’s have a metaphorical hands-up from everyone who’s made a mental note to lose a few
pounds once the New Year hangover wears off. It may sound shallow, but that goal is right up
there with world peace. Regardless of what size you are, half a stone seems to be the magic wish for
everyone. Why half a stone? Because its accomplishable, it’s realistic, it won’t have your friend’s
widen their eyes and tell you you’re already thin so you don’t need to lose weight, and it won’t
have them laugh and say you need to lose more. A loss of this size is physically noticeable. It will
gain us recognition—that’s the real reward.
One man said, ‘I don’t understand women’s obsession with losing weight; it makes no
difference to men. Unless you got really fat, then I’d have to disown you.’ The mistake men
make when pondering over our ‘obsession’ is that we’re doing this for them, when we’re not.
Simply put: clothes look better once we’ve lost a bit of excess. Buttons don’t strain, flesh doesn’t
overhang. Even when you’re a smaller size, you still have a bit of fat here and there could do with
disappearing. If I could push the fat from my tummy up into my teeny tiny fried egg boobs, god
knows I would. There’s just one too many flaps of flesh around my waist when I sit down, and my
butt feels like the only thing keeping it up is my too-tight knickers. I don’t want to lose much. I
know I don’t like big; I just think I could look more proportioned.
Professor Sarah Grogan, who interviewed women about the matter, said, ‘Women found it
easy to tell us what they disliked about their bodies but much harder to think of what they liked.
Most said they would be more confident if they lost weight. None of the women who took part in
the interviews said they wanted to gain weight’.
So we’re all striving to be, somehow, less of ourselves. But why is less more? It’s as though
there being less of us physically makes us more admirable, successful and acceptable, almost like if
we can turn ourselves into someone else, we’re more likely to succeed at our former failings.
A study by the University of Florida found that women who weighed 25lbs less than the
norm earn around £9770 more than the average-weight woman. German research conducted
over the past 24 years shows that how much we weigh affects our emotions more than our love
lives. So weight, for numerous reasons, dominates our lives. But just because it plays such a huge
part in life does not mean we should worry ourselves over it. We shouldn’t let it dominate us.
We all know how horribly wrong worrying over your weight can go. There’s a fine line between
self-improvement and self-destruction—weight is in a position of power when it comes to our
happiness.
We just have to be careful when it comes to losing weight. Even when we argue that we’re
‘doing it for ourselves’, the reality is that we’re really doing it for our ego’s. But what’s wrong with
that? We all have the right to feel good. A bit of outside application never did any harm, as long as
it’s an extra boost to your self esteem, not the basis of it. Right now, for me, losing a little weight
feels like a healthy ambition, not a crazy obsession. It’s not the key to my happiness, but I can’t say
it won’t help.
2 easy ways to lose weight:
Cut down on sugar
Your body can’t break down sugar, so it turns into fat. If you’re drinking four cups of tea a day
with two sugars each, that’s a lot of fat. Add that to the cake, chocolate and ice cream in your daily
diet… well, you get me.
Change your coffee
A medium sized cappuccino with whole milk contains 153 calories. Just ask for the coffee
with skimmed milk; it’ll take it down to 96 calories.
photography

Tyler Shields | http://bit.ly/gkBiLb

The Printed Blog has gone global! We are happy to present
the first international edition of The Printed Blog — in
St. Petersburg, Russia. Say “previet” to our newest Russian
friends at www.theprintedblog.me. Follow them on Twitter
at twitter.com/theprintedblogR
Dirk Mai | http://bit.ly/f1aU3M

The Printed Blog is pleased to publish the following work from Alessandra Torresani, one of
our amazing celebrity contributors. Get to know Alessandra by following her on Twitter at
@BambolaBambina and check out her Tumblr blog at bambolabambina.tumblr.com. Look for
more from her in upcoming issues of The Printed Blog.
photography

Hello my The Printed Blog readers, my name is Alessandra Torresani. Some of you may
already know me as the 1st Cylon from the SyFy series Caprica, and for those of you who do not,
let me tell you a little bit about myself. I was born in Palo Alto, Ca, aka Stanford University. I
moved to LA when I was 8 years old to follow the dream of being a star! I like to tell people that
I peaked at the age of 9. Why you ask? I had already accomplished being a National Tap and Jazz
Champion, received my Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, and was an uber math nerd. My parents were
both in the technology world, so growing up, my goal was to go to the infamous MIT and become
an engineer. I know, so NOT WHAT HAPPENED. I had the chance to be a talk show host of a Kids
Club for the WB in San Francisco - I earned that role by beating out 200 kids. Yep, I absolutely
used to brag about that as a child. Once I had been bit by the camera bug, I knew there was
nothing else in the world I wanted to be a part of.
Moving to LA was a huge change in my life. I was lucky enough to land my first roll in the
David Spade film Lost and Found. The most incredible part was being told what a certain naughty
word was by my mama. I called David Spade a “pussy.” Not a pussy cat, an actual “pussy!” Very
awkward for my mother, I assure you. From then on, I appeared in numerous guest spots on TV
and rolls in some pretty awesome movies. I had some difficult struggles in my career, as well - I
booked eight or so pilots which never got picked up. Eight! Then, I went through a mid-life crisis
(at the age of 13). I needed to be NORMAL and go to a proper school, so I enrolled at The Buckley
School in Los Angeles. Many celeb kids went there… ooo la la.
I kept working... I booked a leading role in a Joel Silver pilot (Veronica Mars, The Matrix, TALES
FROM THE CRYPT) which had me move to Australia for a few months. Amazing I know, but here
was the kicker... Buckley would not allow me to leave for that long of a time. So, what is a 16 year
old to do? Take my proficiency exam, graduate, and move on over to Bondi Beach (suburb of
Sydney, Australia)! What a life changing experience it was to work on a show like Newton (this was
the Silver pilot). Unfortunately, like most of my pilots, it did not get picked up. That did not stop
me one bit. I continued on my journey as being an actress and used dance as my therapy.
A few years later, and a few pilots later, I landed a role in the hit pre-quel to BattleStar
Gallactica, Caprica. Wow, what a ride that has been! I got to play 5 different characters, work with
the most insanely awesome crew and cast, live in Vancouver, and have ERIC STOLTZ as my father!
HELLO! As most already know, the show was cancelled just after its short first season. Oh, but
let me tell you, was that a great FRAKKIN season. I got very down and depressed after the news
because although we all grew as family, suddenly, it was a divorced family! HARSH! One must be
strong again and pull through to the next chapter in life.
I have to thank Caprica for one important thing: my Lil Cylon fans! And let’s not forget the
experience of Comic-Con. Right after the fall of Caprica, I started working on a horror film called
Playback. I met some amazing friends and had the pleasure of working in my dad’s home state of
Michigan. Blood, wweat, and more blood is what this movie has to offer. Get ready for it to come
to a theater near you very soon. In the meantime, I made a few appearences on a show called
Attack of the Show on the G4 network. Those crazy kids over there thought it would be a good idea
to have me on as a guest host, on multiple occasions! It reminded me of my days as an 8 year old
host. Let’s take a moment and remind ourselves of how I was a BIG DEAL back in the day!
My new venture is a little project that the genius Michael Eisner has developed. A girl living
in Chicago writing for the style section at the Chicago Tribune who gets axed and the only job
she can find is being an Obituary writer. Death, style and humor equals a unique, fabulous show!
I can’t wait to share that one with the world! As my escape from my craziness, I have started my
own blog called The Bambola Factory; in English it means The Doll Factory! Bambola Bambina (baby
doll) was my nick name growing up so I only felt it was appropriate to use it in my creative life.
I have found technology to be the most amazing resource to connect with my fans. I
want them to experience everything I am going through. Maybe, sometimes, I’m a little too
comfortable, but shoot, WHY NOT! You only live once - so share the love! I am so honored that
The Printed Blog took a liking to my work and wanted me to share my story with their audience. I
could go on for days about technology, entertainment and especially LOVE. Something that I am
not always good at. I am human after all, or am I still a Cylon?!
If I can say one thing that is totally cliche: you should follow your dreams, no matter
what anyone tells you. I have been shut down, torn apart and hung upside down (literally and
figuratively thanks to Tyler Shields), but I would never change any of my life experiences. I would
love to share more with you lovelies, although I believe I shall wait until next time.
LOVE AND KISSES – Alessandra Olivia Torresani

Never trust a girl who...
By Jessica Druck | 3/24/10 | Hello, my name is Jessica

http://bit.ly/edAxp6

Guys, never trust a girl who:
Has every guy in a bar around her as if she were Jenna Jameson. Trust me, she’s not and
whatever they’re talking about isn’t politics.
Is still close with her ex or ex’s: they aren’t just friends, they don’t just have dinner and
they’re not going to stop “seeing movies” anytime soon. She wants more of him, but she also
wants you, so you better be cautious and wear a rubber. You don’t know where he’s been.
Only talks about herself; seemingly, humility is not one of her strong points and she’s never
heard of the art of conversation. The layer of Aqua Net that’s clouding her vision will soon cloud
yours.
Is flirting with all of your friends; no she isn’t just being friendly, she is flirting. She is
definitely one of those: keep your boyfriend close and his friends closer. You know, in case
something goes wrong.
Requires you to ask permission when you want to hang out with your friends. No one needs
permission to do anything. Hang out with your friends and if there is a problem with the old ball
and chain, set your sail, otherwise you may end up a Sid and Nancy story.
Won’t kiss you in public; damn it, she should be proud to grope you whenever and wherever,
so when she holds out until you’re behind closed doors, she clearly has some issues.
Thinks she sounds exactly like Whitney Houston when she is doing karaoke, hence why
she has been requesting her every time you guys go out. Put her in her place by pulling a Simon
Cowell, then get the check.
Has white powder in her nose (I said in, not on). Unless Amy Winehouse is your thing, she
will most likely start beating you in the streets around 4:00 a.m. in a pair of ballet flats, all in the
name of love of course.
Call’s you immediately after the date—the first date, not the sixth—and just wants to talk.
She’s got it bad. Sometimes rules can be broken; however, you just answered the phone call to Fatal
Attraction 2. I hope you don’t have any rabbits.
Says her last boyfriend is serving time in jail. The bottom line is, they aren’t together because
he is serving time in jail and most likely doesn’t know about you. I’d hate to be there when he does
find out because you can bet your Sean John jeans he’s coming for you.
Has nothing nice to say about any of her friends, your friends, strangers or even birds that
stare too long. Negativity is out like press on nails. Yes, sometimes things are said about people,
but when they are her friends or people she doesn’t even know, it’s not okay: red flag.
Upon claiming she is fine, she cries during sex and then continues to sob after you’re done.
It’s not you, it’s totally her.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
photography

The Printed Blog is the world’s only weekly print
publication comprised entirely of blogs and other online
content. We take the very best of the web, picked by
editors you know and love, and deliver it in a beautiful
print magazine each week. We publish topics as diverse as
the internet itself, from fascinating personal blogs, to
hard news. We publish bloggers who have a million hits
a week, right next to bloggers that get 10 hits a month,
as well as the world’s best commercial and fine art
photographers.
Lucy Carr-Ellison | http://bit.ly/gKlRKc
Views expressed within The Printed Blog do not Necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or The Printed Blog Inc. www.theprintedblog.com

7

Revenge is sweet
By Melysa Schmitt | 11/24/10 | Sex, Lies, and Bacon

photography

http://bit.ly/ewN3Ar

I’ve never had much luck in love. The bulk of my romances have ended in heartache,
deceit, and violent blows to my self esteem. Especially my two most significant: one being
the relationship with my son’s father, the other a seven year courtship with my high school
sweetheart.
Ours was the kind of back and forth romance that most young people have. We broke up
dozens of times and then got back together, until we finally came to the point, and the age, where
we decided we couldn’t live without one another. Finally after six years of dating, he asked me to
marry him and I was ecstatic.
The weeks that followed were filled with wedding planning: I got the perfect dress, purchased
our rings, arranged for space at a little chapel in Las Vegas, booked a hall for our reception, mailed
out the invitations. Friends and family couldn’t wait for me to walk down the aisle, and neither
could I.
One month before the wedding we went for a joyride, as we normally did. We had a little
tradition of driving around upper class neighborhoods and admiring the beautiful mansions,
imagining which one we might reside in if we ever had enough money to live out our dreams.
There was a specific house I had fallen in love with and on this particular night he decided to take
me there.
When he pulled the car over on the street in front of it I could tell something wasn’t right. As
I looked over at him I saw the panic in his eyes and in an instant a million scenarios ran through
my mind as to what could be wrong.
None of them prepared me for the following exchange.
“I can’t marry you.”
Silence.
“I’m in love with someone else.”
Still silence.
“And she might be pregnant.”
Screaming.
With those words, my heart broke into a million pieces and as I handed him back my
engagement ring I swore I’d never love another man again. It took me months to pull myself out of
the depression that breakup caused me, not to mention the embarrassment, and during that time I
developed a hatred for this man who stole my dream of a happily ever after with his erect penis.
Of course in time I got over him and my disappointment, but I never forgot.
Five years after that fateful night I came across him on Facebook and discovered he had
married the woman he left me for and that they had two children. They looked happy and at the
time so was I. I had a son, I was in love, and I had started my own family, so I never gave his profile
a second glance. It seemed that everything had happened for a reason.
Fast forward to the period right after Aidan’s father left and I was broken, once again a victim
of a wandering penis. At this point I couldn’t look at a man without wanting to castrate him. It
seemed that the male species was the cause of all my problems, and I decided it was time to give up
on love and instead get even, although with who or how I didn’t know.
Luckily for me, an opportunity presented itself soon after in the form of an email, from my
old high school sweetheart.
It seemed he had found out about the demise of my family and wanted to offer me some
sort of comfort in my obvious time of need. Ironically he too was going through his own
separation and thought that we might be able to commiserate with one another. In his message
he incorporated a heartfelt apology for what he had done to me, which also included an excerpt
about how he never got over me, deeming me the one that got away.
A less jaded woman might have taken this as a sign that after all of these years we were meant
to be. Unlucky for him I only saw it as an opportunity for payback; not just for what he had done
to me, but for every man that ever hurt me.
For several weeks we corresponded through emails and I gained his trust. I seduced him with
my words and he fell for every line, being the conceited asshole that he was. Although I explained
to him that I was in no condition to have a relationship, I led him to believe I was more than
willing to sleep with him.
Eventually we arranged to meet at a hotel. While I was nervous about how things would play
out, my need for revenge drove me to continue with my plan; once I got there I would strip for
him, bind him to a chair in a game of dominatrix, undress him, almost bring him to orgasm with
my mouth, and then leave him trapped there with a massive case of blue balls.
The afternoon of our meeting I prepared myself for victory. I’d waxed every part of my body
and rubbed myself down with my most decadent moisturizer, leaving every inch of my skin soft,
smooth, smelling delicious, and begging to be touched. I purchased the sexiest lingerie I could
find, complete with crotchless panties, which I adorned with a pair of black thigh highs and my
favorite pair of peep toe heels. Over top I wore nothing but a red trench coat.
With one look in the mirror all my anxieties washed away. Even I couldn’t resist myself. After
a quick masturbation session I grabbed my keys and headed to the hotel, leaving the everyday me
behind and morphing into a woman many fantasize about being.
When I arrived he was waiting for me in the lobby, looking sexier than I had anticipated. He
eyed me up and down and licked his lips. For a moment I almost lost myself in his desire, but then
I remembered what I had come for. I wasn’t here to fuck this man; I was here to fuck him over.
We entered the room and he buried his face in my neck and tugged at my coat, begging me to
get undressed. As he pressed up against me I could tell this was going to be easier than I thought. I
could’ve tied him to something, anything, and won then and there, but what fun would that have
been?
Instead I resisted his advances and continued with my plan. I was going to get everything I
wanted out of this seduction, and probably more.
I led him to a wooden chair in the corner of the room, sat him down, and hovered over his
lap with his legs between mine.
“This is my game and if you want me you’ll play by my rules,” I said as I slipped his hand
underneath my coat and brushed his fingers across my inner thigh.
He shuddered with anticipation and I knew that retribution was already mine.
I played to his every weakness for the next thirty minutes until I knew I had him right where
I wanted him. I don’t think any man had ever wanted me this badly. Truth be told, at this point I
had worked myself up so much I wanted him too, but I had had him years before and knew I’d be
better satisfied by my own hand when I finally got home.
I let him run his hands on my now naked body, kissed him hard, and then walked over to
my purse and took out the pair of silk scarves I had been hiding. While he gave me a funny look I
knew he wouldn’t protest to a little kink in our foreplay. After I removed his clothes I sat him back
down and gave him a smile. I then used one scarf to blindfold him and the other to tie his hands
behind his back and onto the chair he was sitting in.
He had no idea what was coming next.
“Tell me what you want me to do to you.”
As he began to mumble on about his fantasies, I backed away from him, quietly slipped on
my shoes and coat, grabbed my things, and left him there. I’m pretty sure he realized what I’d
done the moment the door shut behind me, since I could hear him angrily yelling my name as I
walked further and further down the hallway.
Revenge is sweet.
Leaving the man who broke off your engagement, blindfolded and bound to a chair, naked
with a raging hard-on, in a seedy hotel room… even sweeter.

Derrick Brown
Derrick Brown, former paratrooper for the 82nd Airborne, gondolier, magician,
and fired weatherman, now travels the world and performs his written work.
He is the president of write bloody publishing. From Long Beach, CA, he is
dedicated to bringing American poetry into rock and roll status.
http://Lightbulbmouth.com | www.brownpoetry.com

derrick brown poetry

STILLNESS
By Derrick Brown | The Poetry of Derrick Brown

http://bit.ly/gEJLN6

there are no questions.
I do not wish for a tiny microphone on the backside of your red beating sunset.
I have plenty of thuds.
I do not wonder what lifts the soft hairs on your sleek 4 track neck.
I don’t over romanticize the olden days like a boner in a new flannel.
I do not wonder where your eyes bonfire when the pounding rises.
I’ve sucked on the trees.
I do not wonder what knives you have held in your good teeth.
I met the thrower. I loved the boss.
I do not wonder what mad God made your breasts jubilee worthy.
Grand Marshall.
I do not wonder Steph.
I do not wonder of the perfect plaster your legs were blasted from…
I know.
I know it every night. Ha cha cha ka chookaroo.
Your camera. Horny for sadness.
Try to photograph the things between what once was and the other thing.
Try to hold still.

Nirav Solanki Photography | http://bit.ly/hCnUFc
photography

I have not ever had you. Not without gloves on.
You charged my skin with a horrible weather,
a weather that . that. that.
I was bulky and tasting. Filled with dinner hammers.
You were tender with brulee and voice sweetening into my skull.
More is less.
The shadow mirrors flesh.
I will tear through it in bad dream light.
Your impossible hair. My metal filling razor teeth.
Your mouth is 1000 poems.
I can hear you still.
I can hear you more
when you are still.

GOODBYE CHARLIE
By Derrick Brown | The Poetry of Derrick Brown

http://bit.ly/gEJLN6

Is it silly to weep for a dog that passed away?
A friend’s dog.
I only walked him once.

Jenny Montgomery | http://bit.ly/fWM3wf

The news hit me,
A lit chimney dropped onto my kneecaps.
You can become someone’s friend in an instant if the eyes are right.
Charlie and I became friends.
He had an eager madness, an ever-ready smile, and a strange fur.
Charlie and I would stroll down the weedy sidewalk funk of Austin.
Stopping once to shit dead center on the path.
I pretended to fumble in my pockets for a doggie bag,
cleared my throat,
and strolled away.
The low skillet of Texas concrete warmed his paws
past the scene of a UT students heads expanding and sadly, exploding
past the sound of bands discovering dissonance and a fourth chord
past the homes of stranded artists and wealthy expressionists.
We found a squirrel flirting his tail toward Charlie.
Charlie pulled at the leash and I wanted to let him go after it.
Some dogs spend their whole life pulling at the leash
And never grow tired of imagining it being gone.
It seemed as if he’d rather have the squirrel than oxygen,
The taunt leash choking him some, eyes wide with instinct.

Jenny Montgomery | http://bit.ly/fWM3wf

I didn’t let him go.
When Jef with one F told me weeks later that Charlie,
my friend,
was dead,
I froze for a bit.
Gone already?
How can I be paralyzed by the death of one animal
when news reports of the human dead
and the near dead surround me.
The answer was morose.
It is hard for me to care for what I have never known.
I can’t picture their faces alive
I can’t imagine their favorite movie.
I can’t imagine their inability to match socks.
I hope Jef, you know I am grateful
to have known Charlie.
I pray that maybe someday
you will see his passing
as a pure exit,
as pure
as scissors
to a leash.

Marc Da Cunha Lopes | http://bit.ly/dOfKRJ

Views expressed within The Printed Blog do not Necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or The Printed Blog Inc. www.theprintedblog.com

9

Humor
from the publisher

We are thrilled to introduce Brandon Mendelson, our newest Guest Humor Editor. Brandon
is a world-class humorist and an exceptional writer based out of New York. Become one of the
more than 860,000 people who follow Brandon on Twitter, and be sure to visit his blog at www.
brandonmendelson.com. If you write a humor blog, send it to Brandon for consideration in the
next issue at brandon@theprintedblog.com.
featured humor editor

Brandon mendelson
Brandon Mendelson is a humorist and social critic who has contributed to The Huffington Post, The
Albany Times Union, CNN, and other national outlets. Also? A lot of places you’ve never heard of. He
was also previously a New Media Director for a syndicated ABC television show, and a syndicated
college survival columnist with CBS.
Brandon has been quoted / featured on MSNBC.com, Newsweek, The New York Times, The LA Times,
Psychology Today, Smart Money Magazine, and other national and regional media outlets. None of whom
will let Brandon write for them.
He is currently working on his first book, Social Media Is Bullshit.It’s not actually a comedy book. But
don’t worry, the comedy will come when only one copy sells in Guam at a discounted price. That’ll
teach Brandon to try new things.

Great Danes! The History Of
America’s Greatest College
Mascot
By Brandon Mendelson | 4/8/10 | Astonishing Tales of Mediokrity

http://bit.ly/gVJzY9

The University at Albany may not have bears roaming the campus like Baylor, but no other
college in America has the Great Dane for a mascot. Do you know what a Great Dane is? A
lumbering, slobbering, aggressive dog of war that towers over short people. That’s right, I said dog
of war. Wake Forest’s Demon Deacon was regarded as the most frightening college mascot because
he reminds students of the looming ravages of time; UAlbany can clobber that argument in the
face with this: The Great Dane was bred to help Germans, the genocidal people of Europe, kill things!
According to UAlbany’s Athletics brochures, the school selected Scooby as the official mascot
in 1965. Before ’65, during the manliest era in American history, UAlbany had an equally manly
mascot known as Pierre the Pedguin. A Pedguin was an imaginary creature meant to represent
UAlbany’s status as a teacher college. Penguin and the word “pedagogy” were merged in an epic
fail that gave birth to the Pedguin and the school’s athletic teams, The Pedagogues. It’s nice to
think the Pedguin is an extinct, handicapped fourth cousin of the Penguin, vindicating Darwin
for totally calling natural selection; but sadly, the Pedguin met a more boring demise.
In 1965, according to back issues of the stunningly handsome Albany Student Press, UAlbany
changed mascots from Pierre the Pedguin to the nameless Great Dane. In a shocking turn of
events, the state of Pennsylvania also named the Great Dane its official state dog that year.
Whether or not Pennsylvania was trying to be cool like their German ancestors, whom if you
remember bred these dogs for war, we’ll never know. According to StateSymbolUSA.org, “When
the Speaker of the House called for a voice vote to designate the Great Dane, yips, growls and barks
assaulted his ears from every part of the chamber! With a rap of his gavel, the Speaker confirmed
that the ‘arfs have it’ and the ‘Barking Dog Vote’ entered the annals of legislative history.” Can’t
you feel the legislative rush of excitement that must fill the legislative halls of Pennsylvania?
Why change from Pedguin and Pedagogues to Great Danes? Like other American colleges at
the time, UAlbany’s campus population grew to include more men while the university’s priorities
shifted from teaching to research. A contest was held on campus and Kathy Earle won a $25
savings bond for her winning contest entry of the Great Dane. Whether UAlbany shares the Great
Danes licensing profits with Mrs. Earle today is unclear, but it’s safe to assume they do … right?
Mrs. Earle picked Great Danes because of their, “Size, weight, strength, character, courage,
speed, and stamina” according to the sports brochure, but here are some alleged facts from
Wikipedia that shaped her entry assuming Mrs. Earle had access to a DeLorean, the Internet, and
Doc Brown, if only to say “Great Scott” when appropriate:
•When the Great Dane becomes bored, it becomes destructive.
•The Great Dane has a complex and mysterious origin much like popular X-Man, Wolverine
•The tallest dog ever, a Great Dane, was recorded at 41 inches and weighed 238 pounds.
•Great Danes have six different coats, none of which are purple and gold.
•Notable Great Danes include: Scooby Doo, Astro, Marmaduke, Fang (from Harry Potter), and
Ace the Bat-Hound.
Dog of war? Check. Connection to Batman? Confirmed. The only mascot of its kind? That’s
more than enough to qualify as America’s greatest college mascot. Until next time, you’ll find
me taking a dirt nap in the archives after angry Pedguin-loving alumni incinerate my apartment.
Those alumni may be old, but if GWU’s Colonial taught us anything, it’s that old feisty people can
mess you up.
And with that, Zooillogix wraps up our participation in Zombie Day. Keep the challenges
coming, ScienceBlogs! We love it!
photography

Eugen Litwinow | http://bit.ly/esg3Lw

10

I’m looking for a cat named “Bob Barker”.
By Jenny Lawson (the bloggess) | 12/13/10 | The Bloggess

http://bit.ly/hvFf9H

So Hailey wanted a dog for Christmas but we’re not responsible enough for one so instead we
started looking at hedgehogs because THEY’RE ADORABLE but I went on twitter and people were
like “hedgehogs will eat your eyelids while you sleep and if you squeeze them their intestines will
fall out” so instead we decided to get a kitten. So we mapped out the shelters and pet shops and
on the way we had this conversation:
Victor: We should get a boy cat and name him ‘Bob Barker’. That’s a great cat name.
me: Let’s just find a cat already named Bob Barker. And when we go to the pet shops we’ll just
be like “Bob Barker? BOB BARKER!” And if Bob Barker doesn’t show up we’ll walk out.
Victor: We should do that at the pound. “Excuse me, ma’am. We’re looking for a cat named
Bob Barker”.
me: And they’ll be like “Oh, you lost your cat named Bob Barker?” and we’ll be all “No. We’re
looking to adopt a cat named Bob Barker.”
Victor: “Are you kidding me? THIS IS THE NINTH PLACE WE’VE GONE THAT HASN’T HAD
ANY CATS NAMED BOB BARKER.”
me: ”We’re not picky. It could be a variation of Bob. Bobbie. Robert. Bobben. Even Roberto
would be fine. We can teach him English.”
Victor: “Exactly. We’re being flexible.”
me: “Right? MEET. US. HALFWAY. Except that we’re not actually flexible on the “Barker”
part. His last name has to be ‘Barker’. No variations.”
Victor: Yeah, that’s a deal-breaker.
Then we looked at lots of cats but on each one I was like “Well, he’s no Bob Barker” and
finally we got to the last place and when we walked past the glass this kitten jumped out like “OH
MY GOD I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU GUYS ALL DAY” and I was all “Bob Barker!”
And I was all “THIS IS BOB BARKER” and Victor looked at me grumpily because he really
wanted a fancier cat and the clerk was all “He’s the last one left because he’s polydactyl” and I
was like “He’s half pterodactyl?” and she explained that polydactyl means that he has a genetic
mutation that gave him four extra toes. And Victor was like “You want the mutant cat. Of course
you do.” and I was like “This cat has four bonus toes THAT WE DON’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY FOR.
THIS CAT IS PRACTICALLY PAYING US TO TAKE HIM.” And then Victor was like “He has four
extra claws. That’s like the worst mutation ever. The only way this cat could be worse is if it had
two buttholes” and then I held Bob Barker up I was all “THIS CAT GREW OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
HE COULD DRIVE US HOME RIGHT NOW.” And then Victor just sighed and started filling out
the adoption paperwork.
PS. Bob Barker doesn’t really look like a “Bob Barker” so we’re changing his name. I suggested
“Paulie Six-Toes” because I like to imagine our cat could be in the mafia but right now he’s
answering to Anderson Cooper, which was just a joke but whenever you say “Anderson Cooper”
he runs over like “Jesus, What? Why do you keep calling me?” Or maybe he just wants to watch
Anderson Cooper. Hard to tell with cats.

Job Interview Question Responses for
Applicants With Crippling Feelings of
Inadequacy
By Matt D. Wilson | 7/15/10 | Matt D. Wilson’s High-Minded Bullshit http://bit.ly/dJghmJ
Q: Describe your greatest strength?
A: Worrying? Is that a strength?
—
Q: What’s your greatest weakness?
A: They seem to work best as a collective.
—
Q: Where would you like to be in five years?
A: Out of the way, if I can be.
—
Q: If you were an animal, what kind would you be?
A: What’s the smallest animal? Plankton? Plankton, I guess.
—
Q: What’s your ideal work environment?
A: That’s a tough one, because I wouldn’t be in it.
—
Q: What are your long-term career goals?
A: My goal is to have some long-term goals someday.
—
Q: What would your former co-workers likely say about you?
A: Who?
Q: Your former co-workers. The people you used to work with.
A: No, that’s what they’d say. They’d say, “Who?”
—
Q: Tell me about a time you made a mistake and how you dealt with that mistake.
A: I came to this interview, and I gave you this answer.
—
Q: What would you say has been your biggest challenge, professionally?
A: Doing anything professionally.
—
Q: When would you be available to start?
A: The same day I’d be available to leave.
photography

Corey Arnold/ www.coreyfishes.com
“Kitty and Horse Fisherman” | Corey has a new book shipping in January called Fish-Work: The Bering Sea | www.fish-work.com

my stupid dog
By Stuart Goldman | 09/20/10 | The Man Who Tried To Stop Time

blog badge

http://bit.ly/fyLBWl

I once had a dog named Kenny Maytag. He was some kind of a weiner dog I guess. Now I am
not a great fan of dogs, but I loved Kenny Maytag dearly. He was a peculiar dog. He seemed to have
no purpose in life. In fact, he did nothing. He did not roll over, fetch or play dead. He could not
even bark very well. He just sort of yarfed. I always thought it was rather odd that I had a dog that
did nothing, but that’s just the way it was, I guess.
Actually, one thing I liked about Kenny Maytag was that he would get very embarrassed if you
laughed at him. I think he’d been embarrassed since the time my wife Spatula and I gave him that
awful name.
We rather enjoyed this neurosis of his, however. Therefore we would continually make fun of
him, which caused him to get even more embarrassed. When he would get embarrassed he would
go around and around in circles and try to bite his own tail. This caused us to laugh gleefully and
taunt him. Sometimes he would run around in circles and urinate on himself. This caused us to
laugh and taunt him even more.
Many people requested information as to why we acted in this fashion to this poor demented
beast.
Unfortunately, I have no answer to this question.
featured photography agency

VANDER creative management
VANDER creative management is an international photography agency
& production company based in Madrid, Spain with an international
portfolio and experience. We represent both up and coming young
talents as well as highly experienced and established photographers.
We support these and many other talents in the industry in order to
offer our clients the most suitable creative talent for the job, together
with a professional, creative and affordable service. We want all parties
to benefit from the – sometimes difficult – combination of excellent
creativity and commercial needs.
VANDER was created in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria in April 2009 by Jaime van der Goes, who
previously worked as account manager, content director and producer in the advertising industry.
His mission is no other than representing talent beyond their national borders and produce good
photography. The Printed Blog is pleased to include photography from two artists represented by
VANDER: Diana Kunst and Martin Stranka.
www.vandercreativos.com | www.vandernoticias.blogspot.com | www.facebook.com/vandercreativos
Jaime van der Goes
Calle General Álvarez del Castro, 28 Bis – 4 Dcha, 28010 Madrid – Spain
(+34) 678 – 26 08 96

Hey, in case you didn’t hear, Mikkey Halsted’s highly anticipated album, The Dark Room,
finally drops tomorrow. It’s been a long time coming and I’m glad the world is finally going to
hear the official debut from Mikkey. I first went in to the studio with Mikk about three years ago,
when he was loosely working on Chicago: The Photo Album, and since then I’ve heard him create
some of the most amazing and intelligent hip-hop music in my 20+ years of being a fan. I was
quickly drawn into his powerful and militant lyrics and also his ear for picking dope and unique
beats. Over the past few years, the public has heard some excellent music from Mikk, but it’s
always just been the tip of the iceberg, as I knew the world hadn’t yet heard his best work—the
stuff Mikk was sitting on until the right time. Well, the time is now, and the album is here. The
drop date is tomorrow, and I urge not only fans of Chicago hip hop, but hip hop fans in general
to spend a few dollars and pick it up. A lot of time, money, blood, sweat and tears went into this
project, and I know you won’t be disappointed. Below I’m going to highlight a few of my favorite
joints (even though I love the entire project), and you can hit the jump for the full tracklist and
production credit lineup. Be sure to pick up The Dark Room (executive produced by No I.D.)
tonight at Leaders 1354 (he’s hosting an in-store there from 6-8pm) or tomorrow on iTunes,
Amazon and Rhapsody.
Cameras Ready (Prod. by 1120)
There’s a chance you heard an early version of “Cameras Ready” a while back, but in my
opinion, there’s no better way to kick off an album than this one. Mikk takes you through the
entire city of Chicago and gives you a look into what to expect from the album ahead of you.
N****z Just Complain (Prod. by The Legendary Traxster)
Traxster and Mikkey? Need I say more? I like to think of this as “Liquor Store Pt. 2,” with
Mikkey spitting over some classic (and super eerie) Traxster production. You’re really going to love
this pairing.
Field N**** Blues feat. Freddie Gibbs & B.J. The Chicago Kid (Prod. by No I.D.)
You loved Mikkey and Freddie’s first collabo, “On My Own”, right? Well, throw B.J. The
Chicago Kid on the hook and have No I.D. lace a laid back, piano-driven beat and you’ve got a
problem. Look for the Brandon “N2ition” Riley-directed video to drop soon, and really bring this
one to life.
Frozen feat. Kamilah Sumner (Prod. by Prolyfic)
When I first heard this track, I immediately hit Prolyfic and told him this sounded like a
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers version of a hip-hop song. Crazy beat, intriguing story, beautiful
singing. A classic tale of a good girl gone bad, who’s now gone forever.
Get Money feat. The Cool Kids (Prod. by No I.D.)
No I.D., who produced the bulk of this album, really snapped on this one. Think of his best
work from Blueprint 3, mix that with a haunting middle eastern sample and some of the hardest
drums you’ve ever heard and you’ve got money. This is perhaps my favorite pairing of Mikkey and
Dion ever. I’m glad this track was guarded closely and wasn’t scooped up by a major label artist
with a million dollar budget.
Soul of a Gangsta feat. Count (of L.E.P. Bogus Boys), Sly Polaroid & J. Hollins (Prod. by
Emmaculate)
Are you kidding me? Three of the hardest spitting emcees to ever rep for the city of Chicago
on the same track? If Bump would’ve been out to have appeared on this the world would’ve
exploded.
1.) Intro
2.) Cameras Ready (Prod. by 1120)
3.) Interlude
4.) Talk Through Me (Prod. by No I.D.)
5.) N****z Just Complain (Prod. by The Legendary Traxster)
6.) Field N**** Blues feat. Freddie Gibbs & B.J. The Chicago Kid (Prod. by No I.D.)
7.) Talkin’ About Freedom (Performed by Syl Johnson)
8.) Respect Mine (Prod. by No I.D.)
9.) Hustlaz Need Love Too (Prod. by David D.A. Doman)
10.) Awthentik (Performed by Awthentik)
11.) Frozen feat. Kamilah Sumner (Prod. by Prolyfic)
12.) First Class (Prod. by Prolyfic)
13.) Get Money feat. The Cool Kids & Jamal Smallz (Prod. by No I.D.)
14.) Reading of the Scripture (Performed by J. Ivy)
15.) Soul of a Gangsta feat. Count (of L.E.P. Bogus Boys), Sly Polaroid & J. Hollins
(Prod. by Emmaculate)
16.) Story Unfold (Prod. by Keyzz)
17.) The Exorcist (Prod. by No I.D.)
18.) Runnin’ My City feat. Bun B, Killer Mike, Crooked I, Chip Tha Ripper,
Gillie Da Kid & Mistah Fab (Prod. by SC)
19.) The Dark Room Skit
20.) Keep Rollin feat. Rico (Prod. by Odd Couple)
photography

Tyler Shields | http://bit.ly/gkBiLb

things i’ve analyzed over the weekend
By Melissa Nudo | 9/14/10 | THE DISENCHANTMENT OF

http://bit.ly/eYXtVQ

1) “MTV” edition
Mtv taught me to always put my money on the little talentless white boy with the falsetto that
makes liberace roll over in his grave and ass-cream all over his crimson velveteen coffin.
and then place the rest of your moneys on the coked-out white girl dressed in raw meat scraps.
even if there is no option or category of the sort.
you create your own category.
and you put your fucking money on it.
side note.
the word “situation” is dead to me because of MTV
and that asshole.
anytime anyone says “situation”
regardless of context
techno beats and strobe lights start blaring in my head.
i imagine a little orange man start to fist pump to “beat dat beat”.
and i just see that bastard’s ugly face.
lifting up his shirt and pointing to his abs.
that’s what’s going on my my head
in reality i start to flick the light switch on and off
while singing “DSH DSH DSH DSH DSH”
2) “nicki minaj’s ass” edition
for the record:
i have NOTHING negative to say about this woman.
i adore nicki minaj and i think she belongs nowhere that isnt my fireplace mantle
in an anne of green gables dress and wig
because she is absolutely and completely a doll.
it is with unanimous envy when i say that her ass
deserves an area code of its own.
and a strap holster that can be hooked and placed comfortably onto my body.
when i’m feeling for some discounted kfc.
when i’m pouring 500$ champagne down my ass-crack
or when i’m bending over to smack the ground
which FYI
i’ve been doing a lot lately.
(i would also forget to mention that this is one of the strenuous ritual performed in order to satisfy
my obsessive compulsive disorder)
that and doing “the hustle” when entering a room
3) “my mother killed the only 2 friends i’ve ever had” edition
the spiders in my shower.
i usually kill spiders because i’m a ruthless cunt.
but i had a special attachment to these ones.
because they’ve seen me naked (so we can all assume they wanted to die)
and they’ve heard me sing the sweet melody of really bad renditions of fiona apple songs (ditto)
and most importantly
they sold me the best weed i have ever smoked in my life.
face numbing.
i remember it like it was 10 minutes ago (literally)
i look up. no spiders.
followed by “YOU KILLED MY FRIENDS!!”
to which she responds:
“what friends?”
(she’s right)
RIP jermajesty and prince michael the third.
on a lighter note.
my birtday is in.... *takes out calendar*
exactly fitteen (not a typo) days.
“22 anni pirsi” as my grandmother would say
which translates to:
“we found you in a cardboard box on the service road and nobody in the family likes you”
photography

Nearly 100 music bloggers have contacted The Printed Blog and given us permission to
publish their work. One of the standouts (and one of our editor’s favorites), is Pretty Much
Amazing – www.prettymuchamazing.com. Luis Tovar, the blog’s owner and editor, along
with his team of reviewers and writers, have their fingers on the pulse of amazing music — from
commercial favorites to groups we never heard of. When we started to listen to their picks for
the 100 best songs of 2010, we knew we had to share them. Luis graciously gave us permission to
publish all 100 on this single page. Album cover art is the property of the respective bands.

03. Joanna Newsom
Good Intentions Paving
Company
Have One On Me
02. LCD Soundsystem
All I Want
This Is Happening

77. Smith Westerns
Weekend
Dye It Blonde

53. Four Tet
Angel Echoes
There Is Love In You

27. jj f/ Lil Wayne
My Way
Let Go

01. Kanye West
Runaway
My Beautiful Dark Twisted
Fantasy

Views expressed within The Printed Blog do not Necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or The Printed Blog Inc. www.theprintedblog.com

13

500 Photographers

Mike Ruiz | http://bit.ly/hpWPnq

In Your Face / Extravaganza

Somehow the press found my blog, because within the first four weeks several newspapers worldwide,
important weblogs and magazines had reported on my quest of finding those 500 Photographers. Since
the beginning this has not stopped. People want interviews for their magazines, ask me for portfolio
reviews and even for lectures. People continually ask me two things. The first question is whether I
have people working for me and the answer is simple. All the stuff I do, I do alone, not because I am a
loner or an anti-social human being, but because I simply cannot hire anyone. The second question is
how I make money with the stuff I do. That answer is just as simple, I don’t. However, I’m driven by two
things; I love what I do and that makes everyday a pleasure to wake up and I’m learning so much day by
day which makes it a good long-term investment. This long-term investment in myself is one of the key
elements why I do the things I do. Whether it will pay off someday I do not know, but it would always be
a question mark if you sit back and don’t do anything.

After I graduated as a documentary photographer from the School of fine arts in Utrecht, The
Netherlands, I was thrown to the lions. I decided to go on a quest and look at all the amazing
photographers out there. I decided to create my own masters studies and in order not to forget their
names and images I would put them in a blog. I would put 5 photographers on the website per week for
a period of 100 weeks to finally achieve an archive of 500 amazing contemporary photographers that I
admire and can learn from. This was of course easier said than done. I only wanted the best and I soon
found out that I needed to see hundreds of websites just to find a few that met my requirements.

That’s when, between the hundreds of e-mails of people suggesting someone for the 500
Photographers site, an e-mail comes in from The Printed Blog. They would like me to curate two pages
for their magazine. Another example of a learning curve experience. Instantly I agree and start working
on the spread. I quickly decide to give myself a theme: In your Face / Extravaganza. Photography is
a means of communication. Communication however is only verbal for a small percentage, the rest is
non-verbal and is driven by the expressions, the mood, fashion and accessories that tell us something
about the other. In photography we erase the verbal part of the communication and rely merely on the

guest photography editor

Pieter Wisse
Pieter Wisse, 1980, is a Rotterdam based photographer, gallery and bookstore
owner and publisher / editor of Four Eyes Photography Magazine, but he is
probably most known as a blogger. His 500 Photographers website has gotten
international attention through newspapers, magazines and important weblogs.
http://www.500photographers.com

non-verbal part. Next to that, photography is not more than a game of light and a series of choices.
One adds some environment or leaves no context at all. The limits to what is possible are endless. I
carefully selected six images from six different photographers. They all have their own story and are all
made for different reasons, be it personal or driven by hard cash paid by a client. So let’s take a second
look at the images, they all look straight towards us, whether we see their eyes or not. They all tell us
their story in their extravagant way, dressed the part and full of confidence. Strong women created
by photographers from various places on this planet. However, the button might be pressed by the
photographer, but you’re looking at it, which makes you the creator.
You are the one that starts to associate and your brain tells you something about these women. Whether
your perception is the same as the photographer intended remains a question and of non-importance.
That is what makes photography something magic, something with no boundaries, something pure. It
hits you IN YOUR FACE with all of it’s EXTRAVAGANZA.

Kirsty Mitchell | http://bit.ly/hUV5Pj

Views expressed within The Printed Blog do not Necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or The Printed Blog Inc. www.theprintedblog.com

15

photography

Tyler Shields | http://bit.ly/gkBiLb

500 Photographers

From left to right
Mike ruiz From Brooke to Tyra Banks, J Lo to Jenna Jameson, Dolly to Dita Von Teese—few do cool
so hot, even fewer capture the glamorous inner sinner imagination of today’s extravagant enigmas than
New York based high-octane celebrity and fashion photographer Mike Ruiz. www.mikeruiz.com
Alexey Sorokin is a photographer with more than 5 years experience in fashion and advertising
photography for brands such as L’Oreal, Toni&Guy, Wella, Rush and many others, and magazines such
as Vogue, Glamour, FHM, Snob, Hooligan, Fashion Collection. Alexey graduated from University of the
Arts where he studied Fashion Photography. In 2010, he was awarded Best Photographer in Russia.
Working between Moscow and London, Alexey is always happy collaborate with creatives all around the
world. www.alexeysorokin.com

Per Zennström is a contemporary photographer, filmmaker, online publisher, creative director, and
blogger. He has always been attracted to popular culture, image creation, and the quest for innovation.
Pop culture plays an important part in his creative universe. http://perzennstrom.com
Kirsty Mitchell is a UK-based photographer. Originally trained as a costumier for film and theatre,
she went on to spend the next 9 years working as a fashion designer for a global womanswear brand.
Now Kirsty creates entire theatrical shoots. All the costumes, props and sets she makes by hand from
basic materials. Kirsty is currently working on an 18 month long project called ‘Wonderland’ from which
this image was taken. http://www.kirstymitchellphotography.com

the printed blog team

marc da cunha lopes was born in 1979 in Paris from Portuguese parents. He lives and works in
Paris. He graduated from Gobelins l’école de l’image, and the main focus of his career is advertising
and fashion photography for magazines. Marc has a Solo exhibition this coming March 2011 at Galerie
Rabouan-Moussion, Paris. www.marcdacunhalopes.com
Alex Gertschen and Felix Meier were born in the city of Lucerne, Switzerland. Alex studied
photography at the Art school of Berne; Felix graduated with grapic design from the Art school of
Lucerne. Characteristic of their work is the staging process that precedes the actual shooting. Based
on divers objects and materials, Alex and Felix craft their own backdrops for their pictures creating
imaginative, often somewhat absurd and surreal worlds. It is an intentional decision to build their real
settings rather than using computer-generated. This results in vibrant and playful pictures that never
give the impression of being artificial. www.alexandfelix.com
john swift printing company

joshua Karp is a Chicago-based entrepreneur. Most recently, he founded The Printed Blog, the
world’s first print newspaper comprised entirely of blogs and other online content. twitter.com/jkarp
tyler shields has photographed some of the biggest celebrities in the world, but his work is far
from exclusive to the celebrity realm. Getting his start by directing music videos, Tyler then turned his
focus to risky and cutting edge photography. www.tylershields.com
Christina Trkalovska brings the newest vision of The Printed Blog to life. She puts together an
inspiring magazine seen and loved by thousands of people around the world. www.kikitrkalovska.com
stephanie bassos specializes in portraiture, abandonment, and color. In addition to her fine art
work, she has photographed bands such as Maps & Atlases, Matthew Santos, and, most recently, the
cover for Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s new album, Buzzard. www.stephaniebassos.com
Alessandra Torresani’s breakout role in Syfy’s Caprica has made her a legitimate star. Before
becoming an actress she studied dancing and singing from the age of two. bambolabambina.tumblr.com
jenny montgomery is a Chicago-based photographer. She has a strong desire to know, learn
and explore things, using her camera as a means to this end. She is currently working on a long term
project on the city of Detroit. http://jennymontgomery.com/
Megan Baker’s love for photography started around the age of 4, when Megan began documenting
the melodramatic lives of her toys. Since then, she won both county and state photography
competitions, including ‘Best of the Best’ Illinois State Awards. www.mbakerphotography.com
stephanie lindenmuth Hailing from East Lansing, Michigan, Stephanie is an experienced
entrepreneur who has a personal emphasis on sales and marketing. She is structuring distribution
relationships for The Printed Blog as well as helping to organize our internal operations.
kylie MUGG is a 20 year-old student from Orange County, California. She currently resides in Chicago
where she is working to earn her degree in public relations from DePaul University. In addition to her
interest in communications, Kylie is also interested in environmental studies.
Lauren Davis is a community manager at TPB. She attends DePaul University, and has a strong
passion for both the written word and the art of communication.