Consultant beaten up by wife after trying to use consulting jargon at home

Gurgaon. A recently married consultant working for one of the big four consulting firms in India was found beaten black and blue in the wee hours of the morning by this Faking News reporter. Early investigations by this reporter have indicated that the man was beaten up by his wife when he tried to use consulting terms to describe their relationship.

We make simple things complex.

“There was no provocation from my end at all. I have no clue why she hit me,” the IIM A passout said. “I just told her that the incremental ROI from our arranged union was not providing me the kind of deleveraging I had hoped for. Net net, we needed to blue sky the arrangement and sharpen our pencils till the rubber met the road. Plus, we had an imminent requirement to augment synergies arising from the merger to crystallize the fact that we didn’t end up putting lipstick on a pig.”

This reporter managed to catch hold of the wife as well, who defended her actions. “I have no clue what the English he speaks means,” she said. “Even when he asks me for food, he asks me to instrumentalize requisite victuals ASAP. Of course, it was only to be a matter of time before he got beaten up,” she justified her actions.