Posy’s Story, Part I

I want to tell her story as honestly as I can, but at the same time, this is not just my story to tell. So I will tell as much as I can while being respectful of K (her birthmom) and B (her birthfather). I also hesitate, because what happened in our story represents many people’s fears about domestic adoption. I will say that I think things turned out for the best in the end – for us, for Posy – and I think, for her first family as well. But it was a long – and harrowing road to get to that point.

In April of this year, after 2.5 years of waiting for a match, and a failed match that almost broke our resolve to adopt again, I got an email from a friend, asking if she could pass our information along to a woman who was considering adoption. I said of course, and prepared myself to be disappointed again.

In early May, I was at my biggest event of the year at work and expecting a call from a vendor who was driving in from out of state. I saw that I had a missed a call from a number I didn’t recognize and listened to my voicemail, assuming it as the lost vendor. Instead, it was K’s mom – C – saying that she and K had looked at our website and wanted to talk to us. I almost jumped out of my skin, but had to wait 4 hours until the event was over and cleaned up to call her back.

C told us that she and K had looked at the website and liked what they saw. K felt like the random string of connections that had brought us together was providence; she didn’t want to look at other families. C told us more about K and what had brought her to adoption. I sat in the back of my car, holding onto my phone, talking to C, and feeling a simultaneous waves of hope and fear. In our 2.5 years of waiting, it had sometimes felt like the only scenarios we got called about were ones with serious mental health issues or drug and alcohol involvement – scenarios that we had to agonize over and scrutinize our comfort zones – surely something as perfect as this could not be happening to us? As I joined my coworkers where they were waiting at a nearby bar, decompressing from the long weeks of preparation for this event, I whispered to a friend that I thought I might be going to become a mom again. To a baby girl, due in late June.

Over the next few weeks we talked and skyped with K. and her mom. K. flew from where she lived, to her mom’s state, where she wanted to give birth. The father, she assured us, was unknown – a one night stand – she didn’t even know his last name. Our adoption lawyer talked to K. and said to us “this is as good as it gets.”

In late May, I got a call from K. saying “I don’t want to worry you, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m having contractions…” Later that night, K. called again and said that she thought we should head out there. It was her wish that we be present for the birth. We got on a plane early the next morning and got there… only to learn that her labor had stalled out. Because the baby was early, they wouldn’t do anything to encourage it. We didn’t know what to do – expensive last minute plane tickets vs. hotel and time away from work, etc. etc. etc. but we decided to stay for a few days and see what happened, which gave us some time to hang out with K. and her family, which was really nice.

It turned out to be a good thing we stayed, because Posy was born a few days later. We were supposed to be there for the birth, but Posy came so fast we couldn’t make it to the hospital in time! We got there within minutes of the birth, and found ourselves holding a beautiful teeny tiny (just shy of five pounds, but healthy) bundle who was the most amazing little creature I have ever seen.