Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Power of Belonging

Napoleon Bonaparte once
said “men are moved by two levers only: fear and self interest.” While it
may be true for some, this is in sharp contradiction to the fact we humans are
a gregarious species. One of our deepest yearnings is the sense of belonging. In
a recent retreat titled ‘Power of Belonging’, we explored the
question, "if a person is not connected to you by birth or with pay, would you care
about the relationship?” I am
sharing some of discussion here.

Did you know, the island
of Okinawa has the largest concentration of people over 90? One the biggest
factors contributing to their longevity is strong bonds between generations.
Siblings compete to get their old parents to live with them. The community has
regular programs for seniors-children interaction. They consider it vital for
old people to spend time with children and pass on their values and life
skills. This bonding and a sense of purpose contribute to a long healthy life.
On the other hand, US Life expectancy ranking has fallen in last 50 years,
which means other countries are catching up on longevity. A possible criteria,
cited by Harvard’s Lisa Berkman, Americans have become increasingly isolated
and the sense of community has declined.

To be rooted is perhaps
the most important and least recognized need of the human soul. In Maslow’s
hierarchy, belonging is mentioned as the next most important thing after
the bare necessities of food, clothing and shelter are secured. Do you know how
important embracing is for infants? If a baby does not get carried and
cuddled enough in it’s early stages, it has psychological impacts that will
manifest well into adulthood. Anyone who's raised children will acknowledge the challenges
of adolescents coping with belonging. In this
article, I talked about the changing circuitry of the teenage brain and
their need to belong to a tribe. They are willing to go any distance to be
accepted, sometimes leading to painful experiences for the individual and the
family. The support and love from immediate family, the 'default tribe’, has a
significant role in keeping the youth from going too far. The breakdown of the 'unit of
original belonging' i.e. the family, means the absence of love and the absence
of the opportunity to give love, and therefore the process of suffering starts
earlier and therefore the searching starts earlier and becomes more intense
faster. This lies behind all forms of addiction. There is evidence that human yearning for an embrace extends well
beyond into old age. The healing
power of touch has been eloquently described by Stanford doctor, Abraham Varghese.

The ultimate display of
the power of belonging is perhaps at the largest gathering of humans on earth,
the Maha
Kumbh mela. 70 million people gather for a holy ceremony every 12 years in
India, which includes taking a pre-sunrise dip every day in the frigid murky
waters of the Ganges. Scientists from Harvard went to study the effect of this
gathering with unparalleled crowd, sub-standard amenities, dust and blaring
music all night on the physical and mental health of devotees. Their analysis
of the subjects, some of whom had been attending for several decades,
surprisingly showed an improvement in both mind and body wellness by about 10%.
They attribute it to 'Collective Effervescence’, when the “I” attitude turns to
“we”. They found support is given and received, competition turns to
cooperation, and people are able to realize their goals in a way they wouldn’t
be able to alone. That elicits positive emotions that make them not only more
resilient to hardship but also healthier. They are less likely to die of heart disease and some
cancers, and there’s some evidence that they are less vulnerable to age-related
cognitive decline.

Beyond the self, to make
people feel belonged is one of the greatest service to mankind. You have a
‘Sphere of Influence’ that will draw from your awareness, words and action.
While this sounds very benevolent and easy, the catch is you can only give what you have
received. It follows the laws of energy flow like we learnt in high school. In
my daily practice, I make time to become a conduit for the light and love of
the Source. I call this being the ‘Light Worker’. A light worker is like the
moon that reflects the rays of the sun. I tune into the light of the Supreme
Soul (called by so many names) and let that radiate onto planet earth. This
practice creates both lightness within and a positive influence on my
interactions with others throughout the day. The results have been consistent
for years because it is from Source who is unwavering, unconditional and
unlimited. This receiving and giving has been one of the most joyful aspects on
my journey.

Try playing ‘Light
Worker’, if you haven’t already. It’s much easier path to joy than the holy
mela in the freezing Ganga.