Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Culture of Eye Contact

In a world of blind people, you speak a person's name to get their attention and let them know that you are talking to them. Nuances of voice are important. Eye contact is not, and neither is facial expression.

In a world of deaf people, you turn your face directly to them, so they can read your lips and facial expression, and possibly attract their attention using touch.

In aboriginal culture, speaking with eyes downcast, and not looking directly at the speaker is a mark of respect.

Do autistic people really need to be trained to 'look at my eyes'?Is there any reason why it should be unacceptable for an autistic person to listen and speak with their face averted?
Because it is the currently accepted way in the 'real world'? Because it makes other people feel more comfortable?

Why shouldn't the rest of the world just get used to a bit of neurodiversity?Diversity is all too hard. Homogenous is easy - everybody the same.Speedy is not ASD. His brain wiring, however, means that translating audio (right brain) into language (left brain) ain't easy - he can listen, and he can look, but both at the same time means neither works well.

OK. So real-life implications?

How often have you heard teachers and parents say "Look at me while I'm speaking to you?" And why? Because, of course, if you are not looking at the speaker, then you must not be listening. An assumption.

Speedy needs to avert his eyes, to concentrate on what he is hearing.

If Speedy is reading or writing, he has to switch off his ears. The teacher then stands at the front of the classroom, and says "Alright children, finish up now, and get out your maths books".And Speedy is in trouble for ignoring the teacher, and not following directions.

What a troublemaker - he deliberately ignores the teacher when he's being spoken to, and doesn't follow directions. Off to behaviour management classes with him.

3 comments:

"If Speedy is reading or writing, he has to switch off his ears.The teacher then stands at the front of the classroom, and says "Alright children, finish up now, and get out your maths books".And Speedy is in trouble for ignoring the teacher, and not following directions."

Oh boy, do I remember this! Lots of lost privelages (not that I minded missing recess) parent-teacher conferences to talk about the lack of respect, etc.

As an Aspie, I can truly appreciate the issues and challenges you have presented. But also, as an Aspie, I too can appreciate that I live in a world in which the NTs are the hosts. I have found it to be a matter of diplomacy, customs and courtesies. When I travel to Japan, the Japanese people really appreciate it when I make an attempt to bow when appropriate, even if it might not come out quite that right. When traveling in France I do my best to speak in my sub-par French and the locals really really appreciate it and often switch to English or Spanish (both my native tongues) in appreciation if my efforts.

I think the important part is that they understand both that you are the foreigner and that you are making the effort. That makes a world if a difference in the nature if the interactions and often the hosts will also make an effort to at least meet you somewhere half way in the middle.

I make this analogy because I feel that NT people in this NT host world wherein we are like strangers in a strange land, also have their sets of customs and courtesies and as such a similar attempt might be in order to establish an improved transaction. Eye-contact being one of them, similar to that of bowing

But, just as a foreigner attempting to properly bow in Japan it may be difficult for an Aspie to make eye contact in a neurotypical world. But even an attempt to appear as tho doing so can go a long ways. Like looking at a person's lips, or, as my dad taught me, between the eyes, or even in the general direction of the person who is speaking with the added assurance that one is indeed listening helps a whole lot in successfully completing the transaction.

While an Aspie is young it is nice for the parents to provide such explanations, and as Aspies become adults, Aspies can provide some of their introductory explanations before their NT hosts. I have found that this helps immensely. I just wanted to share with you my experiences and observations. Thank you for your blog.