Still Here

Submitted by: Britney Dennison on August 14, 2017

Jason was in Grade 5 when he started having feelings for other boys. Because of those feelings he was called names, beaten up, and even sexually assaulted. Now Jason is using art to open up – he is asking his audience to question what we actually mean when we talk about ‘bullying.’

FADE IN: Man (Jason) is cutting up old razor blades and pieces of metal with pliers.

JASON

Once I left high school I was struggling with just immense depression,

and anxiety, and when you get to a point like that I guess- you can desperate and you look for any way to relieve that.

FOSTER EASTMAN

How often did you cut yourself when things were bad?

CUT TO: Jason and Foster working together on an art project, in a big open space.

JASON

Anywhere from 20-50, or more.

ON SCREEN: STILL HERE

FOSTER

The Man-Up Against Suicide project – part of it is to work with gay and bisexual men who have struggled with depression and suicide, or who have lost a male in their lives to suicide. My job is to help facilitate and to create an art piece that helps tell their story.

ON SCREEN: Gay and bisexual men are four times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual men.

CUT TO: Jason and Foster working together on art project, Foster provides feedback to Jason.

FOSTER

I think this as a cluster is nice because it almost looks like a bracelet – then up here, we can – let’s mix these up. Jason’s experiences – as a young man and as a boy – are horrific.

CUT TO: Jason painting, voice narrating and cutting between painting and speaking directly to the camera.

JASON

I was born in Fernie, British Columbia which is a small town by the BC / Alberta border. It was about around grade 5 where I noticed that I was having feeling towards boys. My classmates started teasing me, calling me names. Everyone throws the term ‘bullying’ around, like it’s a common thing and that it’s something everyone experiences. What they don’t realize, is that, you know, if you’re being beaten up constantly, sexually assaulted – that’s just plain criminal abuse.

ON SCREEN: Jason cut himself for nearly 20 years and it nearly killed him.

JASON

The cutting was never about dying, I never, ever wanted to die. But when I started cutting it relieved a lot of the pain and suffering. It was kind of like being on medication. Neil told me that he just expected to come home and find me dead.

FOSTER

And Neil’s been with you for how many years?

JASON

Next year will be 20 years.

MAN UP AGAIN SUICIDE

Wow, so you’ve been through a lot together.

JASON

Yes.

FOSTER

What do you think?

Jason and Foster step back and look at project.

FOSTER

Art does open up dialogue and makes people feel comfortable to talk about something that is very difficult to talk about.

ON SCREEN: Jason’s piece was first exhibited at the Foster Eastman Gallery in Vancouver, BC

CUT TO: An audience looking at Jason’s work and individuals’ clapping.

NEIL

When I first met him, of course I saw the beauty in him right away, but I also saw the challenge, and the pain in his eyes. To watch him blossom like this now is just an amazing thing. The courage to do this – particularly on this topic – suicide and gay men, is something we don’t talk enough about, so I am so proud of him right now.

JASON

I’m so happy, everyone I invited came and they’re proud of it. And yeah, I didn’t think it would be so impactful. I don’t think it took bravery, I just feel it’s something I had to do.

FOSTER

As disturbing as the stories are, I think projects like Man-Up Against Suicide help. We need to talk about it, and if we can do that through art we can actually open up our audience and it just creates an atmosphere where people can actually talk about something that’s very difficult.

Director: Britney Dennison

Britney Dennison works with the Research Advisor for Men's Health Research at the University of British Columbia. She is also the deputy director of the Global Reporting Centre where she specializes in mental health reporting and international journalism, where she has won numerous awards for her work. She works with the ‘Still Here Project' which consists of interviews with people from the LGBTQ community who share their experiences of depression and suicide. Through the project, the participants created photo essays or artwork about their experiences. Jason - who is in the winning film - was one of the participants, and that’s when the idea came to capture that process. This was the moment for Jason to show portfolio of artwork and get a chance to really tell his story.