Hello Ladies s01e08 Episode Script

The Drive

Ooh, yeah.
Yeah.
- She looks beautiful. That's obvious.
- Right.
What the pictures aren't
showing you is the personality,
which is the thing that
I really engaged with.
One of the things I'm
looking forward to later
when I see her is the conversation.
I mean, she she's
smarter than you think.
You know? She reads.
She loves documentaries.
She likes intellectual debate.
That's a nice one.
That's a fun shoot.
Now, wait. Would she be
wearing a bathing suit
under there or would she be naked?
I don't want you thinking about her naked.
Get that image out of
your head straight away.
Okay.
- Is it gone?
- Yes.
Right, look at me. Look at me.
Is that image still in
your head of her naked?
- No.
- Why are you looking down?
I know when you're lying.
You get that image out of
your head or you're fired.
I can't help it, okay?
Just when I think she's gone,
she just sneaks right back in.
This is unbelievable.
Do your work. Pervert.
I am getting emails about you 24/7.
Getting a lot of buzz.
I'm so proud.
Wait, hold on. Let me give us some privacy.
Stuart and his shitty curtains.
Sexy.
Ow, fuck!
Shh, you all right?
Oh, jeez. This place is so small.
It's like a prison cell. How
did I live here for two years?
Yeah, this place is a shithole.
I wouldn't let my dog live here.
Glenn!
Glenn, Glenn.
Put her there, player.
Good to see you, man.
Put her there, player. What up?
Don't come on.
Just want to let you know
that even once she's moved out,
Don't come on. you're
always welcome here, all right?
Just come by anytime.
Think of this as your crib.
- Relax.
- Yeah, just relax.
- Take a load off.
- Take a load off, go in the pool.
Leave some clothes here, if you want.
- Oh, that's kind, thanks.
- And a toothbrush.
Um, are you coming out with us later?
I have a work dinner,
but I'm gonna meet up with you after, yeah.
Um, did she mention why
we're going out later?
Yeah, her final hurrah.
Well, there's that reason, but there's
- Not exactly.
- Yeah, there's another reason as well,
- which she's aware of.
- Cool.
I'll tell you what it
is. It's that I'm, um
I'm meeting up with a chick.
- Good for you.
- Yeah, she's pretty cool.
Pretty cool. She travels
a lot, internationally.
- Very photogenic.
- She's a model.
I had to!
I said, "Please don't mention that,"
- but you mentioned it anyway 'cause he's excited.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
Professional model.
Wait I think it's
probably best you know what
she looks like in case you see
me with her and you're like
- Whoa. Good job.
- All right?
Come on, stop showing off pictures
of your imaginary girlfriend.
Far from imaginary 'cause
there's photos of her.
Nothing has even happened with her.
What do you mean nothing's
happened? Nothing's happened yet, no,
but it's only a matter of time, am I right?
Well, I just spent a week
shooting with LL Cool J.
You don't see me blabbing about it.
You shot with LL Cool J?
Yes, he is such a sweetheart.
Oh, hang on. Bikini shot.
Classy.
Oh, you know what? I should
not show you this one.
- Todd would kill me.
- Who's Todd?
- Oh, Todd is LL.
- Wait, no, LL's
No, no, no, no, no. A lot of people
think that Todd is his real name,
but he doesn't really like being
called Todd unless you know him.
But why does he always
say, "Hey, I'm LL Cool J?"
Well, because he kind of
- Hey!
- Hey.
- Mommy!
- I'll see you later, sweetie.
- Okay.
- Hey, see you Sunday?
Okay, yeah.
- Uh, Wade.
- Yeah?
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?
Yeah, sure.
Good. I'll see you soon.
Wade, you are looking
very sharp this evening.
Well, thank you.
No, you know what? I just
woke up and I realized,
man, I've been going about this all wrong.
I mean, I've basically been
begging Marion for a second chance.
That's gotta make me look weak.
So, Stuart, I'm taking your advice.
You know, I'm living life.
I'm gonna play it cool.
And I'm just waiting for her
to realize the mistake she made.
- She's gonna come crawling back to me.
- Good idea.
Oh, Kives, can you do me a favor
and just check the time for me?
All right.
Hold on a second. Who is this?
I'll tell you who that is, mate.
That is the lady that I am
rendezvousing with this evening.
Oh, fuck off.
Hold on a second. We we know her.
- We met her at the party.
- Yeah, she's really pretty.
Dude, I'm sorry. It's not gonna happen.
I've known you for, what, three years?
I cannot remember the last
time that you've had sex.
You don't know what you're talking about.
It's not about quantity,
mate. It's about quality.
I only may sleep with one woman a year
You can guarantee everyone
talking about her, all right?
Like there was that girl whose
eyes were really close together.
- Everyone was talking about her.
- I remember her.
- You don't remember anyone.
- Didn't she have to have special sunglasses made?
Yes, she had really weird eyes.
- Amazing body.
- She had weird eyes.
That's what everyone remembers about her.
And the fact her nickname
was Cyclops Cindy.
Hey, Glenn. Stuart.
- Mm, Stuart who?
- Stuart Pritchard.
I'm just fucking with
you. I know who you are.
Oh, nice one. Just wanted to let you know
that we are popping in the
Federal for about 20 minutes,
then we'll be going to that club, Elixir.
Very cool. I'll join you guys when I can.
Are you talking to
Glenn? Let me talk to him.
- I'm on the phone to him.
- Just stop it. Come on.
Hey, where are you? I thought you
were coming out with me tonight.
I'm just dealing with some work shit.
Oh, is everything okay?
Yeah, but it needs to
be sorted out by Monday.
Fine. Just call me when you're done.
Fucking Glenn.
Hey, don't bad-mouth Glenn, all right?
A, he's a top bloke.
B, he's obviously working 24/7 for you.
And C, he's clearly
delivering in the bedroom.
Stuart, ew, you listen to us?
No, I don't listen to you,
but can I suggest you close
your sliders once in a while?
'Cause I can barely hear myself masturbate.
Listen, just in case things get a little
bit fruity later with me and Kimberly,
seriously, has Glenn got any tips
or tricks that you could give me?
- No, that's weird.
- Foreplay stuff?
- No, ask him yourself.
- Come on.
- I'm not telling you.
- I've tried that, he said not giving anything away.
Answer me this does he ever use a thumb?
St
Hello.
Oh, happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome. There you go.
Oh, you didn't need to bring a gift.
Oh, plea Come on.
Louis Vuitton?
this is too generous.
- I can't accept this.
- No, no, no, please. You have to.
Honestly, I was feeling a little bit guilty
about booking that "NCIS" thing.
No, you don't have to
feel guilty about that.
I know, but I do. I really do.
So I want you to keep that,
and I want you to think of
me every time you use it.
Okay.
So, Marion's going to this bowling party
tonight that our friends are having.
I mean, normally, I
would have gone, you know,
hung around Marion like a bad smell.
Like that's gonna change her mind.
But tonight not even gonna show up.
Let her wonder where I am, right?
Wade, can we wrap this up 'cause
it's 8:45 and we've got to get going.
Sorry, I gotta drag him away
'cause I've got a date with a model.
Actually, you're at 20%.
I mean, it's only a 3-bedroom,
but that's great because then
I have room for an office.
Honestly, I'm just happy to be getting
out of the guesthouse I'm renting.
Or "outhouse," as Amelia calls it.
Oh, I don't think I called it that.
No, you did, and you're right. It's a dump.
- We need to get going. Come on.
- Oh, okay.
I'm so sorry. I have to
get to this other party.
But you know what? Let's hang out soon.
Definitely.
It might not be for a while
'cause life is getting
pretty hectic for me,
but let's definitely hang out when I can,
- okay?
- Okay.
Good luck with everything.
I'm really rooting for you.
- Bye, ladies.
- Bye.
Hello.
- Hi, there's a line.
- Hi.
I can see that, yeah, but I'm on the list.
I'm on the list. Stuart Pritchard?
- You're not on there.
- You barely even looked at that.
If you're not on the list, you
have to go to the back of the line.
I'm on the list. Thank you, madam,
for getting involved. I appreciate it.
- What list has she got?
- That's the VIP list.
VIP. That's where I probably am.
Could you just check the VIP
list? I'm Stuart Pritchard.
You're not on the list.
You didn't even look at that.
At least he pretended to have a look.
You're not on any list.
Why don't you do you and
I'll do me? How about that?
I'll tell you who put me on the list.
Ba-ding.
Hey, Pritch, what's the holdup?
It's getting cold out
here. I can't feel my legs.
- I'm dealing with it.
- That a buddy of yours?
That's my best friend
and he's a war veteran.
- What war was he in?
- "World War Z."
- How did he lose his legs?
- The zombies ate them off for being nosy.
It's fine. The vet, one other person.
He's actually got a couple
of other people with him,
his nurse and his nurse's sister.
Just you and the vet.
What could we arrange financially
to help them get in?
What are you thinking?
How about seven bucks?
Just give me $3 back and then
No.
- Nine. $9.
- $20 each.
$20 each? What are you $9, that's
$20.
Guys, you're in.
In you go. It's 20 bucks each from you.
- Okay.
- No Wade, no. We're not paying.
For God's sake. Unbelievable.
40 bucks. There you go.
- All right.
- Thank you.
Thank you for your service.
What?
Oh, don't mention that. He's very modest.
He doesn't want to talk about that.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Kimberly's already left.
- What?
Yeah, she's gone to a party in the
Hills. She says the club's boring.
- What?
- Come on, let's go, let's go.
- Can we just stay here?
- We're already inside.
We're not already can't you come on.
- God, Stuart.
- Here you go.
Are you kidding me?
Thanks, mate, but we don't need to come in.
We've got to go to a party in the Hills with
that model that I showed you a picture of.
- Can I get the money back?
- Oh, that's not the way it works.
You went in.
I didn't go in, did I? I went
that's in. In there is in.
I didn't go in. I walked through a rope.
You went in. I opened the
rope for you, you went in.
You opened the rope
for me. That's 40 bucks?
- Yeah, that's 40 bucks.
- I don't even need you to open it for me.
I could've just stepped
over it. Look at that.
That's got to be a discount,
surely, if I do it myself.
Is there different prices
for different ropes?
How much is this costing me?
Yeah?
How much am I spending there?
I'm running up quite a little tab.
40 bucks is madness!
I don't know what the rules are.
I don't know what the rules are.
Jesus Christ, just call
her. Ask her for the address.
I'm not calling her, all right?
'Cause it'll seem like
I'm desperate to see her.
You are desperate to see her.
And you're wasting my
night, all right? This sucks.
Really? Am I? What would
you be doing instead?
- Your mom.
- This guy kills me.
Why
He's funny.
Okay, can we please just
pull over for a minute?
This is really bad for the environment.
- Oh, all right.
- Thank you.
Well, this is way better than the club.
Jesus, Pritch, you've got a TV star here.
Yeah, and she doesn't want to be sitting
on the side of the road in a shitty BMW.
Kimberly will text me in a minute,
we'll have the address, we'll be gone.
Let's just chill out for a second
and enjoy each other's company.
Stuart, what if she never texts you?
She's not worth it. Let's just go have fun.
- Why are you being negative?
- I'm not being negative.
I was just thinking,
if we're waiting around,
maybe we could swing by
Marion's bowling party.
Wade, I thought you were playing it cool.
Yeah, I mean, what's
cooler than showing up,
throwing a couple strikes, and then
leaving when you're in the lead?
Oh, look. There we are.
I knew she'd
Oh, for
Pathetic. You're an adolescent.
Get out of the car.
Oh, come on, guy. It's a joke.
It's not a joke. Look, I'm
at 6% now. That is not funny.
Ye of little faith.
- I stand corrected.
- Apology accepted.
When you're having sex with my
mother, think of me with her.
Yeah, I'll call your mom,
make sure she's okay with that.
Yeah.
Give me the ticket. See you in there.
Out of the way, lads.
Kimberly? Oh, sorry.
I thought you were someone else. Sorry.
Kimberly.
- Oh, you're not a model.
- What?
What'd that guy just say to me?
You total and utter fucking prick!
Not you. Sorry, mate.
Wade, grab me a drink. I see
some girls that are sitting down.
Where the fuck are you?
Hey, sorry.
I have some bad news.
Are you okay?
"NCIS" is going in a different direction.
They they're recasting you.
What?
I've been going back and
forth with them all day
trying to change their minds,
but there is nothing I can do.
They're gonna replace you.
Why?
You didn't test well.
The audience didn't, uh, respond to you.
I'm sorry.
We'll get you something better.
Thanks for letting me know.
- Everything okay?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
She's not here and my phone's died.
Can I borrow yours, check my voicemail?
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
You know, I was thinking maybe
I should hit that bowling party.
You know, just check in, show my face.
Hang on, hang on. Voicemail.
Hey, we're going to a way cooler party.
It's 15350 Malibu Road. I'll see you there.
We're going to a party
in Malibu, all right?
No, no, we're not going to Malibu.
I just want to go to this
bowling party, you know?
- Check in with Marion.
- I'm not going bowling.
We've been chasing this
girl all over the city.
I'm not going to Malibu just
'cause you're hung up on some bimbo.
All right, she's not a bimbo,
okay? And what are we gonna do?
We're gonna go to a bowling alley
so you can stand around near Marion
in the hope that she'll
magically take you back?
I mean, she's asked for a divorce, Wade.
What, so you just want me
to give up on my marriage?
It's not giving up, man.
You've been trying for months.
But at some point, I think
you just got to accept it.
You've still got her picture on your phone.
That's no good. Every time you
answer you're seeing her and
I think you've got to delete that and
start getting on with your life, Wade.
Why would you say that?
You're supposed to be my friend.
I'm saying it 'cause I am your friend.
You know what? I gotta go.
Wade, come on, man. What
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
What?
I didn't say anything.
Okay, can I have your phone? I
need to text Glenn about the party.
You know what? I don't think I'm gonna go.
What? Tonight's all
about you. You gotta come.
I know, I'm just not really feeling great.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Okay, thank you.
Hey, cabs are taking 30 minutes, so
You can't give us a ride?
Well, no, 'cause I'm going in
a different direction, aren't I?
But I would've otherwise.
Yeah, well, I'm just gonna walk
down there and get a cab, then.
- I'll go with you.
- Yeah?
Well, I'll see you later.
- Sorry about
- Yeah, it's okay.
All right.
But hang on, hang on.
How do I look when I see her?
- You look great.
- Yeah? Breath.
You know what? Here, take a mint.
- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
- Yeah? All right, thanks.
- Just keep 'em.
All right. See you later, bye.
Hi, I'm in a bit of a hurry.
- What kind of car do you have, sir?
- BMW.
- What kind of BMW? SUV, 3 Series?
- 3 Series, yeah.
There's a lot of 3 Series, sir.
It's the vintage one.
Um, what time did you come in?
It's the shitty red one.
Can we just get a move on?
Come on.
Up the hill? Just hang on.
You get it, mate. Thank you, cheers.
For fuck's sake.
Give me the keys!
Yip! Yip!
- What are you doing?
- I'm scaring off the coyotes.
Yip!
So, do you think I should go to
that bowling party, see Marion?
Wade, what do you hope is gonna happen?
Yip!
I don't know.
Maybe that she'll see me and remember
what we have.
Yip!
Do you really think it's gonna work?
What, you agree with Stuart?
I should just give up on my marriage?
Well, maybe he didn't say it right, but
he is a selfish ass.
I don't know, I think
maybe he might be right.
Sometimes you have to accept
that some things just aren't gonna happen
no matter how much you want it.
Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!
Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!
- Oh, Pritch! Pritch, Pritch!
- What?
Jesus, I thought you
were leaving without me.
- I am!
- Wait, what?
Pritch!
Did that asshole just leave you stranded?
He did.
- Well, how are you gonna get home?
- Don't know.
Why don't you hang with us?
We'll give you a ride when we leave.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Wow, you're so sweet.
- Come on.
- Thanks.
Okay.
Ready?
Fuck.
Hey.
- Hi, you made it!
- Hey, yeah.
Where have you been all
night? You've been MIA.
Yeah, I was driving around looking for you.
Ugh, yeah, but my night has literally been,
like, a train wreck from hell.
I was at this club and these stupid bitches
tried to get me kicked out
'cause I was smoking a cigarette.
Oh, I hate stupid bitches.
Yeah, right?
Oh, but who the fuck
cares about them? I don't.
And you promised me shots.
- Where are they, madam?
- I did! Over here.
Let's go.
It's Glenn. You know what to do.
Hey, it's me.
So, I just decided to come home.
I'm just feeling really shitty
and I don't want to be alone tonight,
so I was just wondering if
you maybe want to come by.
Okay, bye.
Here, here, here, here, here.
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
You know what I wanna do?
I wanna go down to the beach.
It'll be totally random.
What, me as well?
- Yeah, silly.
- Oh, all right, yeah, sure.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Let's go.
Oh, Glenn! Glenn!
Oh, you've gotta meet this guy.
Glad you made it, player. Put it there.
This is an absolute top geezer.
Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm Kimberly.
Nice to meet you.
- I'm gonna go get some champagne.
- Sure.
Okay.
Chicken Wings. Nice job, buddy.
Yes, I'm glad you made it down
so you could see her in the flesh.
- See you later.
- Dude, Chicken Wings?
Yeah?
If you see Jessica tonight,
will you just do me a solid?
Just don't mention seeing me here.
She keeps leaving me messages
and I don't want to have to go over
there and deal with that tonight.
No, totally, I hear ya. I hear ya.
- I'm on your side.
- Thanks.
Deal with what?
She was recast on "NCIS,"
which obviously sucks,
but I just don't want to have to
deal with that on my Friday night.
No, why should you?
- Put her there, player.
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
You know what'd be really, really amazing?
What?
Is if we went night swimming.
Oh, I didn't bring my bathing costume.
You don't need one. It's fine.
Come on.
Come on in! The water's great!
It's fantastic!
I'm on my way! I'm on my way!
Come on!
Oh, my God.
My nipples are so hard!
Kimberly!
I think I need to take off!
Yeah, that'll be the day.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How'd it go with Kimberly?
Got all the way to
Malibu, she wasn't there.
What's going on here?
They're recasting me on "NCIS."
Really?
Oh, I'm sorry.
You wanna talk about it?
Not really.
Well, I'll tell you what's
happening in the big house.
I'm planning on watching a film.
Well, what are you gonna watch?
I don't know. What about "Con Air"?
Can we watch this, please?
Ingmar Bergman? Seriously?
- He's the best.
- Is he the best?
Yeah.
Okay, come on.
Is there nudity in this?
Yeah, actually there's
a lot of nudity in that.
Is there? Now I'm interested.
No, that's not why you watch
That's exactly why you watch it.
No, it's not. That is one of Ingmar's best.
One of Ingmar's? Really?
- First-name terms?
- Yes.
Name three Ingmar Bergman films.
That one.
Right, yeah, of course, yeah.
Um, uh
the one you know, the one
where Death is playing chess.
- Right, "The Seventh Seal."
- Yes, "The Seventh Seal."
There's one that takes place in the summer.
Nailed it. Great job.
Shut up. Shut up.
- There are several.
- Yeah.
But that one is my favorite of all of them.
- You've never seen it.
- I have seen it.
I have seen it many times.