All-timer from an old-timer

You must understand something. I've been doing this sports writing thing for some time now, and rants like this come around once in a lifetime.

This is what we call an all-timer.

I stand in awe of Shaq's eternal gifts. This must be recorded for posterity, which is why I will set it up and give you the full transcript (minus the expletives), courtesy of the Arizona Republic, a fine news organization which also recognized the historic nature of Shaq's performance. This was Paul Bunyan picking up and ax and cutting down every tree in sight. With one mighty swing, Shaq chopped down Stan Van Gundy, his brother Jeff, Dwight Howard, AND Patrick Ewing.

I'm not worthy.

Here we go: After O'Neal fell down in an attempt to draw a charge from Howard Tuesday night, Stan Van Gundy pulled a wrinkled Coaching 101 handbook from his back pocket and said: “I was shocked, seriously, shocked. And very disappointed, because he knows what it’s like. Let's stand up and play like men, and I think our guy did that tonight.”

Nice try, Stan.

Before the Suns played the Heat in Miami Wednesday night -- Shaq's first return since he was traded to the desert 13 months ago -- he was asked if he had any reaction to Van Gundy's comments. Never has a soft ball been tossed so perfectly.

Shaq's response, as reported by Paul Coro of the Republic:

"(Howard) came with the same old, stale Patrick Ewing move, so I tried to stand there and take the charge. The new rules say if you come through, you fall. But as I fell, I realized that it was a flop and it reminded me of Coach Van Gundy’s whole coaching career. The one thing I despise is a frontrunner. First of all, none of his players like him. When it gets tough, he will become the master of panic like he did before and he will quit like he did before. The one thing I despise is frontrunners. Yeah, he’s got a young team playing good, but don’t be a frontrunner. Him and his brother and even the legend on the bench ain’t done what I’ve done in my whole career. So flopping would be the wrong choice of words.

"I just tried to take a charge. The ___ rules say you can’t stand there and get hit. You’ve got to fall. The ____ got the same old stinking move that Patrick Ewing has been doing his whole career. I went down, got up and didn’t complain. I see him and Stan complaining the whole game because they’ve got to. Remember, I’ve done more than him, his brother, and Patrick Ewing.

"Stan Van Gundy reminds me of a broke navigational system. He knows everything about everything but ain’t never been nowhere. Think about that. If I’m right here and I type in the address of where you’re going, I know where it’s at but I’m not going there.

"When a bum says some ___ about it and I respond, you can ___ cancel that because I know how he is in real life. We’ll see when the playoffs start and he ___ panics and quits like he did when he was here (in Miami). And you ___ print it just like that. Do I look soft to you like you can say something and I’m not going to say something?

"Notice they didn’t play me straight up. We’ll see how far they go because I know Stan. I said this a long time ago, but I was actually talking about him: 'When the general panics, the troops will panic.' Like in business, when the head panics and takes out all his stock, what happens?

"All the players hate him. The players don’t even like him. I hate frontrunners. I really do. I don’t like any frontrunners. There’s a pecking order involved. I’ve been there six times.

"I ain’t going to let no bum like him rip me and not say anything back. You can cancel that ___ all the way. Usually, I let ___ go. Not that. Not him. Hell no.

"The rules say when a guy goes through your chest you’ve got to fall to get the call. It was a flop. You’ve watched me play for 17 years. I don’t play like that.

"I’m not going to sit around and let nobodies take a shot at me and he is a nobody to me. And if he thinks he can get in a little press conference and take shots at me like I’m not going to (say) something back, he’s got another thing coming."

The Shaq farewell tour has kicked it up a notch. When the Suns visited the Knicks in January, I asked Shaq if Howard was the closest thing he's seen to the Next Shaq. "No," he said ."He's a good player, but everything he's done, I've invented. So I'm not impressed."

Then came the clowning around at All-Star weekend, the pre-game dance ritual, the reflective comments -- Shaq soaking it all in, recognizing this was probably his final All-Star Game.

Since the All-Star break, he's averaging 22.1 points and 8.4 rebounds in a single-handed attempt to raise the Suns from the dead. He might just do it. After Shaq led the Suns to a victory over Kobe Bryant's Lakers on Sunday with 33 points and seven rebounds, he said, "It's what I do. I've been doing this since 1992. If you don't believe it, Google me."

Post Deleted by Administrator

Since: Oct 5, 2006

Posted on: March 6, 2009 2:22 pm

All-timer from an old-timer

Shaq has always been one of my favorite players. He is no faker. He says what he thinks and he does it with more class than most that get the "classy" label for not having the guts to say anything at all.

Yeah, Shaq took a charge. There was contact so I'm not sure a flop is the correct term anyhow. But tell me this? Why does Howard always get away with pushing..but Shaq never does. Why does Howard think he has the right to be Superman when Shaq is clearly more dominant and better. Howard should enjoy his time with a good team but til he wins a ring; he ain't nothing. He gets the calls and he still can't get the ring. Shaq earned his wrath on this league and that is why he is repected. Howards gotta do that too; and he isn't close. He gets credit cause there isn't another suiter in the East. But really, how much better is Howard than a guy like Okafor. Couple points? Howard doesn't impress me either. He can be a decent player but not as good as advertised and not consistent. I've seen the Magic pull out games without Howards help. To me, he seems to disappear against true competition. He can be entertaining but not as much as his ego indicates. He isn't close to a Shaq. Hope he knows that.

Go Shaq. Happy Birthday to the best entertainer in sports history. Dude, you rock.

SVG; dude apologize for your ignorance. That was a low blow and it wasn't warranted. Esp with all that Howard gets away with.

Since: Jul 3, 2008

Posted on: March 6, 2009 2:13 pm

All-timer from an old-timer

None of his players will stand up for him, and none of them should. They have said that they like him as their coach, but unless their name is TO, of course they're going to say they like their coach. Van Gundy is not a failure, but he is not a bona fide success like Shaq.

Some of you said that Shaq has no shot , and he can't shoot free throws (he's shooting a career-best 62.6% this year), but he's still managed to win a few rings, and be the most dominating center in recent history. He doesn't need all those other things because he takes advantage of his saize and strength. Go find youtube videos of Shaq shattering backboards and pulling down NBA goals, your head will explode in sheer amazement. Since when do centers need to step out and take threes? That's what you pay your guards for. Centers are paid for being born abnormally tall. When they use their height, they are succesful. When you rely on your jumpshot, you open yourself up fopr streaks (see: Dirk Nowitzki in the playoffs), but when you never take a shot further than 10 feet from the basket, you shoot a higher percentage (58% over his career, close to 61% on the year)

Also, it doesn't seem like Shaq has been mailing it in with the Suns this year. If you look at what the Suns do with injuries, they manage to rehabilitate seemingly burnt-out or disabled players (see: Grant Hill, Am'are Stoudamire) and keep them going. Shaq said last year that he was injured and wasn't 100%. Well guess what? This year he is fully healed and has gone back to kicking ___ and taking names. All of you haters just need to shut your mouths and enjoy the show.

Since: Apr 17, 2007

Posted on: March 6, 2009 11:38 am

All-timer from an old-timer

Will any Orlando players stand up for their coach? Will Jeff Van Gundy or anybody stand up for Stan Van Gundy?

Since: Sep 6, 2007

Posted on: March 6, 2009 11:16 am

All-timer from an old-timer

shaq is a big retard who doesnt do anything but stand in front a basket and use his gigantic frame to block people. as far as basketball skill goes he never has had any, and certainly doesnt now. i dont mean this racially in any way!! ( before i get blasted i want to make that crystal clear)!, but i always have pictured him like a big, dumb, king kong.... just throwing around all the normal sized people without any intelligence, but just cause he can. seriously stick shaq into the movie in yoru head n you cant help but laugh.

but that being said shaq has always been one of my favorite players because HE IS HILARIOUS! only he could take shots at players like patrick ewing and dwight howard and not care how wrong he is saying it....

Since: Nov 25, 2006

Posted on: March 6, 2009 10:41 am

All-timer from an old-timer

Oh please! Shaq is one of the most dominant players ever, no arguing that, but one of the best? Shaq has size going for him and little else. He can't consistently hit shots from more than 10 feet away. He's one of the worst free throw shooters ever. He's also a player who is constanatly lacking in motivation. He shows up to camp out of shape and overweight. Coaches throughout his career have talked about how Shaq seems to lack the drive and motivation to stay fit, and to want to play. I don't see Shaq spending his summers practicing or trying to perfect his game. He doesn't have near the drive of a Jordan, Kobe, or Lebron. These guys live and breathe basketball, which is while they are/will be regarded as some of the best players to ever play the game. But Shaq? No way.

Shaq is a hypocrite. He has spent most of his career crying about how everyone flops on him. Then, he turns around and does the same thing. It's pathetic.

Since: Nov 6, 2007

Posted on: March 6, 2009 10:04 am

All-timer from an old-timer

It's what I do. I've been doing this since 1992. If you don't believe it, Google me

That is a great quote!

Since: Oct 8, 2006

Posted on: March 6, 2009 9:22 am

All-timer from an old-timer

You are an idiot. Shaq is, and always has been, better than Patrick Ewing. He's the best center to play in the NBA since Abdul-Jabbar. In fact, the only better centers to play the game are Abdul-Jabbar, Chamberlain and Russell. To say anything less is only proving my point that you are an idiot.

Patrick Ewing was a loser from the first time he stepped onto an NBA court. He was always surrounded by excellent talent and yet he couldn't win a ring. If he was the leader of those New York teams then by all accounts, he was a loser.

The only one we hope will shut up and save our ears and minds is you. Maybe the readers of this website will get their wish. We can only hope.

Since: Feb 17, 2009

Posted on: March 6, 2009 8:57 am

All-timer from an old-timer

Shaq is absolutely right. Someone like Van Gundy should not critizize a guy like Shaq, a 4 time NBA champion and the most dominant force since Akeem. Yeah he might of flopped,but everybody flops. He at least can try to help his team in trying to get a charge. Van Gundy might have a good regular season,but he doesn't have what it takes to have it all and Jeff didn't either (though i do like him doing games on ESPN). Shaquille o'Neal, i salute you

Since: May 2, 2008

Posted on: March 6, 2009 2:09 am

All-timer from an old-timer

Maybe Shaq should make another awesome rap song about Van Gundy.....or turn into Shazaam and make him disappear. I am counting the days until this guy retires. He's a classless whiner who demands respect from everyone who "disses" him but gives none in return. Clowns like this who treat his comments as simply another Shaq knee-slapper just egg him on. I think you and I must have very different standards for what's considered funny......because the dude doesn't make me laugh at all. It's all about him all the time and the gentle giant act grew old a long time ago.

Fact of the matter is that this is a pretty ironic discussion because Shaq committed an offensive foul MOST of the time he was in the paint throughout his career. I think the problem for him is that Dwight made him look old (he is) and he realizes that here's a guy with much more natural talent than he ever had. And yes that was a flop, the guy who said it was an offensive foul must have gone to the Ed Hightower school for refs. Shaq is a hall of famer but people need to quit handing out free passes every time he acts like a jerk. You're almost 40 dude, quit reacting to criticism like a 15 year old. Grow up and shut up, be the biggger guy for once and retire with some dignity.