... in the here and now

May 06, 2009

How to make a difficult life decision

Last week I received an email from one of my ezine subscribers asking for advice on making a decision that might result in major upheaval and life changes. Now as a trained life coach, I would never advise somebody to take one path or the other, or even try to influence them on what I think would be the most sensible path for them to take. Instead of giving him my view of the pros and cons of either choice I outlined to him what I do when I have a difficult decision to make.

I believe that we all have all of the answers to all of our questions within us. And so all we need to do is let them come to the surface. But the more we think about what the best thing to do is, the harder it is for that inner knowledge to surface. The reason for this is that we're engaging our logical minds to make the decision. But the answer lies in a much deeper place than our logical minds can reach.

To make big life decisions, I tend to start off having a struggle with my logical mind, and then I get fed up of trying to satisfy all of its very demanding criteria. At this point I turn it over to my Higher Self. I have a very simple process for this:

I get clear about the outcome I want

I set the intention to just know what the right thing to do is

I let go of needing to know now, and patiently wait until I simply do know

When that Aha! feeling arrives, and I do just know what to do, I don't question it with logic. I simply trust what feels right and I go with it.

I find this to be an easy and stress-free way to deal with major choices. Our intuition always knows what the best course of action is. All we have to do is allow it to speak to us in its own time, and when it does trust it!

It can be a scary thing to do though, to throw logic out of the window and just go with what feels right. But I have yet to regret a decision made in this way. ( But I have regretted plenty of decisions that satisfied my logical mind but were contrary to a little nagging intuitive nudge)

What about you? Would you endorse this decision-making process? What do you do when you're faced with a tough choice?

6 Comments

I think that's a great process for making big decisions. Life-altering decisions are not ever easy to make, but sometimes you have to just go for it. I think the most important thing is to think about what you want and why you want it. Assessing why you want something or whether or not that something really is good for you can really help you decide whether or not you're making the best decision.

I think this is a tough question to answer. On the one hand, I have my own experience telling me that when I trust my "still small voice," I follow the right path. I am very good at knowing my gut and my gut's knowing what's best. On the other hand, I think that there are a lot of people who would be hard put to know what their inner voice is. A lot of us are not trained to pay attention to this voice, to know its timbre, to know the way in which it speaks to us. This voice has been silenced so often that sometimes we're not even sure it's there. What this means is that I think of a lot of people would find it difficult to make a decision that they felt truly came from this place of inner wisdom. "How do I know it's not just what I want?" "How do I know it's not based on my mood today?" "How do I know it's not just because my blood sugar is low because I haven't eaten?" I think a better approach is to begin teaching people how to hear their inner voice again (which you've probably done with this individual through life coaching). The more people learn what their own voice sounds like, the more times they are given small tasks (small areas) where they can practice hearing it and heeding it, the more confident they will become. Then, THEN, when faced with that life-changing decision, they will be able to make it confidently.

But ... let me end with this final thought. I used to be known to overthink almost every decision of my life. "What is the right way? What is the right plan?" But I had the greatest sense of freedom when I realized one day that no matter what decision I make (whether "right" or "wrong"), it can still be "worked together for good," especially if it comes from an earnest heart.

That's a very good point: know what you want and WHY you want it. Then turn it over to your Higher Self for guidance on the how-to's.

Hi Chania Girl,

Thanks for your comment. That is also an excellent point, and now that you point it out I realise I should have addressed that in my post.

I agree that until somebody forms a habit of tuning into and trusting their intuition, it can be hard to know which voice is their Higher Self. And it is very important to start trusting your inner voice with smaller decisions before graduating to major life-changing ones.

I did write a couple of posts on this subject before and I’ve now updated today’s post to include links to them. The one which deals with learning to discern which voice is which is this:

Thanks for this great question! I haven’t actually coached anybody through this particular process so far, but if it came up I would suggest they keep a diary, kinda like money coaches get people to do with their spending. I’d ask them to start to pay attention to the voices in their heads, and to notice that there is more than one! (Many people wouldn’t be aware of this until they stop and pay attention) I’d ask them to notice how each voice speaks to them, what the tone is (gentle, critical) and to notice how they feel physically when they’re listening to each voice. At the end of the day, review the various conversations they’ve had in their head and to write down their observations about the voice of their intuition and the voice of their ego, and what their different styles are.

Once they become more attuned to the differences, then I’d get them to deliberately tune in and ask for guidance on little things, such as should I go to the gym this afternoon or take a nap? Which activity is for my highest good right now? And listen for what comes, and again pay attention to whether or not that is delivered from an energy of love or fear. Again, I’d ask them to record their experiences and to refect on the decisions they made, whether they believe they were following their intuition and whether, in hindsight, they regarded the decisions made to have been in their higher good.

And I’d ask them to continue doing this exercise for a few weeks, until they’ve gathered enough evidence to satisfy themselves that they can decipher their intuitive voice when it speaks and trust that it does indeed know what’s for the best.