In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:d91b06ea-c050-465c-9044-d5db10670fd3">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : OP said that FMIL wants them in highchairs or boosters, but that the parents said they will not sit in them... that leads me to believe they are too old for them.
Posted by CamilleJon[/QUOTE]

<div>Or that they are just offended at being told that, and took it as her FMIL doesn't think they are good enough parents to keep an eye on them. And YOUR kids might be fine with staying in a room for the night with complete strangers, but not all kids are. I don't have kids yet, but I can guarantee that my little cousins would not be having that, and would have a meltdown. </div><div>
</div><div> Here's the thing Camille, this is the etiquette board, and it's not proper etiquette to invite kids to the wedding, and then once they get there tell them they have to go in this room for the night. Having the option is great, but you can't force them to do it. They are invited guests to the wedding, and it is not proper etiquette to treat them like second class citizens just because they are kids. Having that room as an option is great. But you can't FORCE the parents to keep their kids there. That is why I said have the babysitter inside, and then also have a lifeguard for outside. </div>

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:7533bd36-6dc4-423e-8e7a-6814eb028844">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ghoti, I hate to break it to you, but that is what OP said.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
Gah I read that 3 times and completely missed it! Sorry, I'm an idiot. A cranky one at that. I'd probably be ok with a teacher, but to be honest it's hit and miss if my kids would be ok with me leaving them with someone they don't know.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:a224abcf-1467-4ef6-9348-dbf6648e4e58">Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is sort of a cross post from my month board (with mixed reactions there), but we've hit a slight snag with our wedding plans. FI and I are marrying in his mother's backyard. It's a beautiful yard, but it's not childproofed: there's an in-ground pool and a pond, no gates/fences around either. It's not practical to fence or block off either. In fact, the current plan is to have the reception on the deck near the pool. My FMIL laid down the law the other day that guests with young children must have their kids use high chairs or booster seats during dinner to avoid any risk of little ones falling in the pool because their parents are distracted for whatever reason. A couple of my friends have said their kids absolutely will not sit in high chairs or booster seats, and they'll just keep a close eye on them. I think they're missing my FMIL's concern which is that with food, alcohol, and conversation, it's really easy to get distracted and not notice a little one slip away and into the pool. So I'm thinking about setting up a kid's room in the house and hiring a babysitter to keep the kids entertained, get them fed.<strong> The babysitter I have in mind is a licensed teacher with a Master's in Early Childhood Education.</strong> Im curious as to what your experiences have been with kids' rooms/baby-sitters at weddings. Did the parents like the option? How did the kids handle a strange sitter? What did you pay the sitter? Or if you're a parent, would you use a service like this at a wedding? Most of the guests with children are traveling 6+ hours to be here. Any thoughts or advice are appreciated!
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]

I agree with the separate kids room idea. Your FMIL has a very valid concern regarding the safety of the children and the potential liability issues. If god forbid something tragic happened and the proper precautions weren't taken (i.e. a fence around the pool, inadequate supervision, etc), the homeowner can be liable.

The kids room will allow the parents to enjoy themselves without worrying about their children falling in the pool. If I were a parent, I would still be watching my kid like a hawk whether there was a lifeguard or not. I assume the room is in the house and wouldn't be but a couple steps away. To be honest, I find it a bit strange that the kids couldn't watch a movie/play with other kids without being emotionally distraught to the point of not being able to cope. This is part of the socialization process.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:820382f6-eb01-48b6-8d0d-e566428b3630">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]The whole connection from not leaving a 2 and 3 year old with a stranger to homeschooling through high school was still a fail though.
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:834ed6ac-192f-4dd5-b999-819a8b3000bd">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the separate kids room idea. Your FMIL has a very valid concern regarding the safety of the children and the potential liability issues. If god forbid something tragic happened and the proper precautions weren't taken (i.e. a fence around the pool, inadequate supervision, etc), the homeowner can be liable. The kids room will allow the parents to enjoy themselves without worrying about their children falling in the pool. If I were a parent, I would still be watching my kid like a hawk whether there was a lifeguard or not. I assume the room is in the house and wouldn't be but a couple steps away. <strong>To be honest, I find it a bit strange that the kids couldn't watch a movie/play with other kids without being emotionally distraught to the point of not being able to cope. This is part of the socialization process.</strong>
Posted by Maggie214624[/QUOTE]
Do you have kids?

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:3918e960-1389-4452-94bf-6f62b7b78bb1">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : Or that they are just offended at being told that, and took it as her FMIL doesn't think they are good enough parents to keep an eye on them. And YOUR kids might be fine with staying in a room for the night with complete strangers, but not all kids are. I don't have kids yet, but I can guarantee that my little cousins would not be having that, and would have a meltdown. Here's the thing Camille, <strong>this is the etiquette board, and it's not proper etiquette to invite kids to the wedding, and then once they get there tell them they have to go in this room for the night. Having the option is great, but you can't force them to do it. They are invited guests to the wedding, and it is not proper etiquette to treat them like second class citizens just because they are kids. </strong>Having that room as an option is great. But you can't FORCE the parents to keep their kids there. That is why I said have the babysitter inside, and then also have a lifeguard for outside.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

We see it differently then.

My take on the situation is that the OP is using proper ettiquette by saying, I have invited your kids, but understand that they may not want to hang out at an "adult-party" all night so she is being a very gracious host by providing a "kid's party" in the house.

Honestly, the whole thing has given me a headache. As much as I love the idea of the dinner up by the pool, logistically it's sort of annoying given the high chair/booster seat edict which I did not anticipate seven weeks out. I think it might be easier to simply have the ceremony up by the pool and then move down onto the lower part of the lawn for dinner. But I don't know. FI and I need to talk to his mom and stepdad about this. FMIL is really dead-set on having the dinner up there; I'm more flexible. And I also want to see my friends' kids; they were invited for a reason.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:f38c290c-fe01-453b-8b93-46db7956d6e9">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : Do you have kids?
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]
Or been at an elementary school on the first day of school? <div>
</div><div>I think it completely depends on the situation, and the age of the kids. I'm talking more about the younger ones. Sure, a 7 or 8 year old could do it no problem most likely. But a 2-5 year old would likely flip if you put them in a room of strangers. If they know the other kids it might work.</div><div>
</div><div>But that still doesn't change the fact that it is against etiquette to force these children to go into that room when they are invited guests to the wedding. You can tell the parents that it's an option, and you can warn the parents about the open pool. If they would rather leave their kids at home instead of watching them or leaving them in the room they can. But you can't just spring it on them when they get there that the kids are confined to an inside room.</div>

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:425e0014-6303-4cc1-904f-0e4b2d5b6050">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : We see it differently then. My take on the situation is that the OP is using proper ettiquette by saying, I have invited your kids, but understand that they may not want to hang out at an "adult-party" all night so she is being a very gracious host by providing a "kid's party" in the house.
Posted by CamilleJon[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, if she tells them about it ahead of time and tells them it's an option, but not mandatory. What about when the kids say they want to stay at the adult party? </div>

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:7398a24a-9e1d-41e6-bbfd-f99c521b3ab8">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]No, but it doesn't mean I can't have an opinion about it. I have worked in daycare settings however.
Posted by Maggie214624[/QUOTE]
Maybe, but it does mean that you don't know what you're talking about :)

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:8eab2a46-971c-4098-a397-69538a346b0b">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : I do believe that someone who is a parent is in agreement with me.
Posted by Maggie214624[/QUOTE]

<div>Okay, so you got one parent that agrees with you, and one that disagrees. I hardly think that qualifies saying it's ridiculous that kids can't be alone. Can you honestly say that you've never seen a kid have a rough day on their first day at day care? </div><div>
</div><div>Whatever reasoning you can come up with, and however you think your kids would react, it doesn't change the fact that it's rude to tell invited guests they HAVE to stay in that room. </div>

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:87e094b4-9e1e-40f5-b309-49b4403af5e6">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : Okay, so you got one parent that agrees with you, and one that disagrees. I hardly think that qualifies saying it's ridiculous that kids can't be alone. Can you honestly say that you've never seen a kid have a rough day on their first day at day care? Whatever reasoning you can come up with, and however you think your kids would react, it doesn't change the fact that it's rude to tell invited guests they HAVE to stay in that room.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
Ditto all of this.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:87e094b4-9e1e-40f5-b309-49b4403af5e6">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : Okay, so you got one parent that agrees with you, and one that disagrees. I hardly think that qualifies saying it's ridiculous that kids can't be alone. Can you honestly say that you've never seen a kid have a rough day on their first day at day care? Whatever reasoning you can come up with, and however you think your kids would react, it doesn't change the fact that it's rude to tell invited guests they HAVE to stay in that room.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

We could certainly talk this in circles and will likely have to agree to disagree. I have seen kids have a rough time on their first day, but I don't equate this to be a similar situation. The parents are right outside the house.

I do understand what you are saying in terms of the etiquette, but for me the risks of safety/liability outweigh that.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:2c2aa2ea-613a-4da0-bdbe-3675a55e38b5">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : We could certainly talk this in circles and will likely have to agree to disagree. I have seen kids have a rough time on their first day, but I don't equate this to be a similar situation. <strong>The parents are right outside the house.</strong> I do understand what you are saying in terms of the etiquette, but for me the risks of safety/liability outweigh that.
Posted by Maggie214624[/QUOTE]
This is adult logic. You need to use toddler logic.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:2c2aa2ea-613a-4da0-bdbe-3675a55e38b5">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : We could certainly talk this in circles and will likely have to agree to disagree. I have seen kids have a rough time on their first day, but I don't equate this to be a similar situation. The parents are right outside the house. I do understand what you are saying in terms of the etiquette, but for me the risks of safety/liability outweigh that.
Posted by Maggie214624[/QUOTE]
You're right, it's not a similar situation. The parents will be trying to enjoy their night, their kid would be having a meltdown, and it would likely result in them leaving the party. The liability issue doesn't make it okay to do it. An adult can get really drunk and fall in the pool. So do you think drunk adults should be confined to a room in the house once they reach a cetain intoxication point so they don't fall in the pool?<div>
</div><div>The liability is a big deal, but you can't just spring it on your guests when they get there that their kids are being stuck in a room. I don't even have kids yet, but I would be pissed to walk into a wedding to find that out, and would probably leave because it's rude.</div>

Just to clarify: no one is going to have anything sprung on them, no matter what. I have contacted each of the parents of young children to let them know that there is an open pool and pond and to convey the high chair request. Now that they're getting back to me and saying, hey, my kid screams bloody murder in a high chair, I'm trying to find a a polite Plan B to accommodate everyone: my FMIL (who is freaked about a child drowning), my friends, and their kids.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:41c3e615-e26f-4b54-8c52-365f59c9d461">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]I still don't agree, but I don't think there is any point in beating a dead horse about it. :)
Posted by Maggie214624[/QUOTE]
Well you HAVE worked in a daycare setting, so who are we to argue? <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:78abc1d8-1f6b-4b3e-b693-ef37ee731a43">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just to clarify: no one is going to have anything sprung on them, no matter what. I have contacted each of the parents of young children to let them know that there is an open pool and pond and to convey the high chair request. Now that they're getting back to me and saying, hey, my kid screams bloody murder in a high chair, I'm trying to find a a polite Plan B to accommodate everyone: my FMIL (who is freaked about a child drowning), my friends, and their kids.
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]
I REALLY like hire a dressed up lifeguard, it really seems like the best of all worlds. :) So that is my vote!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:69445df1-bb8d-45df-892a-5cd0be1e243e">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : I REALLY like hire a dressed up lifeguard, it really seems like the best of all worlds. :) So that is my vote!
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]
Ditto. And if it's in the budget you can hire the teacher to have the room as an option as well.

2. Some parents might not want to put their kids in high chairs. You can't force that.

3. You can offer babysitting services at the reception, but your guests have the free will to refuse them and opt to have their kids hang out with them. If the parents have already declared that they don't want their kids to follow your plan, I don't know how you can enforce it without appearing rude.

My FFIL and I are both lawyers - we're well-insured. Paranoid, and so insured.

I am warming to the idea of having a lifeguard. I don't know that we'd have money for both a baby-sitter and a lifeguard. Both are unanticipated costs at this point in the process. Perhaps FMIL will re-think the high chair thing - or we just change our plans a bit.

Thank you all for your thoughts. Yesterday I was so frustrated that one friend was sort of blase about my FMIL's concerns; today I am frustrated at having to change plans that have been in place for more than a year. I appreciate the feedback.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:4f6b0678-8146-4fb2-a6dc-4d2262b6177e">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FFIL and I are both lawyers - we're well-insured. Paranoid, and so insured. I am warming to the idea of having a lifeguard. I don't know that we'd have money for both a baby-sitter and a lifeguard. Both are unanticipated costs at this point in the process. Perhaps FMIL will re-think the high chair thing - or we just change our plans a bit.
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]
Well, wont highchair rentals cost quite a bit?

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-roomsbabysitters-experiences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdebc29b-4e89-4639-8bb1-5b870e9465fdPost:9dec1715-78ac-48df-a807-a8f7cc10a3ac">Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : Well, wont highchair rentals cost quite a bit?
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]
Agreed, because you would have to provide those if she insists on doing it. <div>
</div><div>I think you could do $10/hour for both the lifeguard and the babysitter, so if it was 5 hours that would be $100 total. To me it would be well worth it to solve this stress for you, but I understand that it might not be in the budget.</div>