My mother's fried pizza is an excellent proof of the existance of such a theorem!

Fried pizza?! Why would you....

No. Never mind.

Seriously, sometimes I think there is an evil empire hanging around in space, waiting for the whole world to get fat clogged arteries from all our delicious food and then, upon invasion, we'll all die of heart attacks.

Seriously, sometimes I think there is an evil empire hanging around in space, waiting for the whole world to get fat clogged arteries from all our delicious food and then, upon invasion, we'll all die of heart attacks.

Yeah, but if you're a strict vegan health nut with arteries as elastic as spandex, you'll be rewarded with the prospect of alien enslavement.