WrestleMania

WrestleMania is a professional wrestlingpay-per-view event, produced annually in late-March or early-April by World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) (formerly known as World Wrestling Federation). It is considered the flagship pay-per-view event of WWE, as it is the most successful, longest-running professional wrestling event in the world and is nicknamed "The Grandaddy of Them All", "The Grandest Stage of Them All" and "The Showcase of Immortals."

"Classy" Freddie Blassie: What do you mean "controversial"? He pinned him right in the center of the ring, didn't he? Did he or did he not pin him for the count of three?

Mean Gene: Where's that cane of yours?

Blassie: What cane? I...didn't have no cane!

Mean Gene: All right, we're just moments away from the big one. When I say big, the battle of the titans. Big John Studd, Bobby Heenan, come in. Andre the Giant putting his entire career on the line.

Big John Studd: Oh man, this bag is heavy man! This is what it was all about. $15,000 that we used for bait. John Studd, the only giant of wrestling. 7 foot plus, nearly 400 pounds of solid muscle. And this is what we wanted to prove to the whole world that I am the giant in a few short moments, along with this $15,000. You're going to see me in the ring and you're going to see the last match of Andrea because he retires if he can't do it.

Mean Gene: Bobby Heenan, I'm just counting the money here.

Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: You know what we did, just keep your hands to yourself here. For $15,000 and a haircut, we are eliminating Andre the Giant from professional wrestling. Oh yeah, a lot of gladhandlers out here today. Keep your hands out of there pal! Only two people are going to see this money. That's Studd and myself. Oh, three, the people at the bank when we deposit the money. But not the Giant.

Jesse: I've seen plenty of anticlimactic Super Bowls in my day, I've seen a lot of lousy NBA Championships in my day, but we definitely are not seeing...we're seeing the greatest spectacle in wrestling history right now.

Lou Duva: He's the prospect, I think of the heavyweights out there today, he the best prospect known. He's trained diligently, he's in real good shape. Heavyweight's one punch and it's all over. Tonight, he's in shape and he's going to do his job. Right Roddy?

Rowdy Roddy Piper: I'm cute. I groomed my hair long, that way during the fight tonight, you can tell the difference between me and T. I figured some of you folks out there may get a little confused. I have got the absolute best coach in the entire world to train me. I've been down with Biggs training, with Spinks training. He went and got Smokin' Joe Frazier in his corner. Are you ribbing me? He threw a medicine ball at my belly. Didn't move an inch! I'm down to 219 pounds in 30 minutes. You see, he talks cheap! So you say Roddy, you're sitting there talking? I say this to you! I say if Mr. T can knock me out in this fight right here, I would not only quit professional boxing, I would quit and retire from professional wrestling, I will quit tiddlywinks, I will quit dating girls! [To Cowboy Bob Orton] I'd stick with you. I would quit it all! I right now say if T can knock me out, I will retire and I'm going to stick my head out there round after round after round and put it out there because as pretty as it is, he's going to shoot some punches, I'm going to be moving like that just like coach taught me. He's gonna shoot some more, I'm going to be moving like that. And another thing, you know Mr. T, I know you're a smart aleck. You come out with a kilt, but let me tell you something, never will I shave my hair like an Indian and paint myself black. Too-hoo!

Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Hogan, your ribs are injured, you're facing the biggest, toughest man I believe you've ever faced in your career in King Kong Bundy inside a steel cage. Man, I can't believe you'd do something like that as Champion of the world!

Hulk Hogan: Well, you know, Ventura, I don't care what you believe, brother. You're gettin' paid to ask the questions. Whether my ribs are busted up or not, I'm gonna defend this World Heavyweight Title, man. It's everything I believe in, all those little Hulksters, and it stands for America, brother! Bundy's goin' down, it doesn't matter about the ribs, Ventura. And as far as Mr. T and Rowdy Roddy Piper: I'm gonna make a prediction that Mr. T's gonna come out on top because he's fightin' for what he believes in too; and Piper, just like a lot of other dudes out here [pointing thumb at Ventura], like you, Ventura, take a lot of shortcuts and go down awful quick!

Jesse: I'll just say this: good guys don't always finish first.

Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, in the fourth round, the referee stops this bout, he awards the decision as a result of a disqualification to Mr. T!

Piper: If I wanted to come for a picnic, T, I would've packed a lunch.

Vince: Heavyweight champion of the world in the locker room just one hour away from his moment of destiny.

Hulk Hogan: Well you know they said it was my last ride man! Yesterday when I finished hanging and banging. When I jumped on the Harley man. As I went thru the intersection. As I headed for the mountains, some of the nonbelievers in the gym said, "See ya later Hulkster, man! This is your last ride." It ate me alive brothers. When I felt the fury as I ripped, as I tore this shirt, as I headed for the sunset man, I looked down brothers, and as the sun beamed off the gold in my eyes, I realized that sooner or later, you gotta live and die and you gotta face the truth. And for you, Andre the Giant, it's time to face the truth brother. Because when I think about what you and I have to do man. What I have to do is nothing. All I have to do is merely beat a seven foot four 550 pound giant. But Andre, you've gotta face the truth brother. In its purest form man. The purest truth there is man. The training, saying your prayers, eating the vitamins. And to beat me man, You've got to beat every little Hulkamaniac, every little Hulkster in the world. Everyone that plays it straight. All the ones that don't take any shortcuts brother. And they usually say "If the dirty air don't get you, the politicians will." But in this case. It's going to be Hulkamania. And the reason it's going to get you man, it's the purest form of the truth there is. And I can't wait to see you go down at the feet of Hulkamania in front of 90,000 plus in the Silverdome. What you gonna do Andre The Giant when the real truth, the 24 inch pythons and Hulkamania runs wild on you?

[Bobby Heenan comes into the broadcast booth during the Rougeau Brothers/Dream Team match]

Gorilla: The weasel has just snuck into the broadcast booth. What are you doing here, Heenan?

Jesse: Welcome to Wrestlemania III.

Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Thank you Jesse. First of all, I'll speak at any place. I am two for two, Monsoon! Two for two! BillyJerk did not beat my man! As far as I'm concerned...

Gorilla: Well, your man didn't win either.

Bobby: Just a minute, I'm talking 'cause I'm on a roll here! What happened was he knew he couldn't beat Hercules, so he kept him outside; as far as the Brain's concerned, that's a victory, we win that one! The King—you saw him in the chair, he left with the crown; the miserable Junkyard Dog, he bowed, he curtsied, he did everything we said he'd do! I am on a roll, I am 2-0

Jesse: Bobby, I'd just like to say—and I went on the record with this—I thought that was the biggest cheap shot I'd ever seen, when the JYD hit the King Harley Race with that chair.

Bobby: A win's a win. When you're at WrestleMania, you take what you can get. It's not easy. They got a win. I got two wins and I'm going to have three wins today!

[Bravo and Johnny Valiant pull Greg Valentine out of the ring and leave Brutus Beefcake inside]

Gorilla: Look at this. Look at these three beauties, they left Bruti inside..

Howard Finkel: The winners of this contest: The Dream Team, Brutus Beefcake and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine!

Gorilla: Well, Beefcake isn't celebrating the victory is he?

Bobby: Am I on a roll or am I on a roll?

Jesse: What's the matter with that idiot Beefcake? They got the win. What's he arguing about?

Gorilla: I don't know. A lot of dissension among the ranks of the Dream Team for sure.

[Valiant, Bravo and Valentine get on the cart and leave]

Jesse: Hey, they're leaving Beefcake!

Gorilla: Look at this! They're leaving Bruti behind.

Jesse: They're leaving him! I can't believe this. What's the matter with Beefcake? What's the matter with him? He gets the winner's money!

Gorilla: What's the matter with Johnny V and the rest of his crew? Why are they leaving this guy behind?

Jesse: I can't believe this. I can't believe Beefcake. He wins the match.

Gorilla: There they go. Special match upcoming. The adorable one, Adrian Adonis and Rowdy Roddy Piper. A lot of interesting things led up to this one.

Bobby: How am I doing, Monsoon? Huh? How am I doing?

Gorilla: Horrible.

Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I would like to introduce to you a man who allegedly tells it like it is—Jesse "The Body" Ventura!

Jesse: Hey, what are you talkin' about, "allegedly" tells it like it is. I am the man who tells it like it is!

Mary Hart: Can we just clear one thing up? It's very important for everybody to understand that Jimmy and I are not related. At one time, I might have wanted to claim that, but since he has Danny on his team, and Danny is not exactly...I just wanna let everybody know that as much as I'd like to be rooting for The Hart Foundation, I just can't under the circumstances.

Mary Hart: We're going to have to rename Dynamite, Firecracker if he doesn't shape up now.

Mean Gene Okerlund: With me at this time, manager Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, and I'm privileged to be standing next to the most extraordinary athlete of all time. He is not elected until this date to challenge Hulk Hogan for the Heavyweight Championship, and this afternoon at WrestleMania III, Bobby Heenan, your man, André the Giant will be doing just that.

Bobby: You bet he's going to be doing just that. He's going to become the heavyweight champion of the world and I'll tell you why. First of all, the man is undefeated in over 15 years as a professional athlete. Hulk Hogan has never been in the ring or met a man bigger than him, stronger than him, taller than him, that weighs more than him, and with a burning will inside more than Andre the Giant. You see Hogan, few short hours from now that clock is ticking, and it's ticking in our direction, not yours. Hulkamania is over. Hulkamania is dead. The doors going to be shut on the history books on Hulk Hogan once and for all. There is a new Heavyweight Champion of the world. The odds on favorite in Las Vegas and all over the whole wrestling world, they're picking Andre the Giant. Nobody can defeat this man. Nobody even can come close to defeating this man. And Hogan, I know it's happening to you now because it's happening to me. The butterflies are in my stomach. The adrenaline's flowing thru my veins and I'm getting ready, 'cause I'm gonna manage the Heavyweight Champion of the world. And Hogan, hey you've had three good years. You've got nothing to look back on. But it's all over. Andre the Giant, the new heavyweight champion of the world.

Mean Gene: The biggest Heavyweight Title bout of all time. Andre the Giant to meet Hulk Hogan.

Gorilla: Jess, I wanna go on record of saying you were one of the guys—you and the weasel-breath Bobby "The Brain" Heenan—who said that this guy would never step back in the ring.

Jesse: Well, I'll go on the record, he surprised me. You know, they said he's got a lot of heart; but I personally say he's got a lot of throat, because it wasn't the heart that got hurt.

[Savage has sent Steamboat over the railing into the crowd]

Jesse: What's Dave Hebner doing? He should be counting Steamboat right here.

Gorilla: He's reprimanding the champion.

Jesse: [As George Steele is helping Steamboat back in the ring] Yeah, but he's giving Steamboat a chance to recover and he's letting Animal Steele out there. Now look at, you talked earlier on about how managers should not be touching people and helping people–look what's going on out there.

Gorilla: He's not a manager, he's a friend.

Jesse: Oh that's different then. He should've been counted out by Dave Hebner, the referee. I've already counted to 20.

Jesse: That should be a disqualification. That was an intentional throw over the top by Steamboat to save himself.

Gorilla: Just like the deliberate clothesline; I'd say they're even right now, Jess.

Jesse: I tell you, you got an answer for everything, Gorilla.

Gorilla: Well, that's why I'm here—to keep you in line.

[As Savage climbs to the top rope with the bell, Steele shoves him off]

Jesse: Flagrant interference from the outside.

Gorilla: The Animal pushed him right off. I think the bell rang Savage in the head, Jess. But the champ still in control... [Savage attempts to bodyslam Steamboat, who grabs the leg and rolls into a small package] No, small package by the Dragon.

[Hebner counts to three]

Jesse: No!

Gorilla: He got him! I don't believe it! History is made!

Jesse: You talk about a miscarriage of justice, Monsoon! Flagrant outside interference on the part of Animal Steele!

Gorilla: History made here in the Silverdome for WrestleMania III!

Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat!

Gorilla: Standing ovation by this capacity crowd, Elizabeth was in tears, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat the new Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion.

Jesse: Well, all I've got to say, Gorilla Monsoon, is that Steamboat'd better cut that belt in half and give half of it to George "The Animal" Steele, because without "Animal" Steele's flagrant interference, "Macho Man" Randy Savage would've won; he had Steamboat pinned for 30 or 40 seconds. Deny that.

Gorilla: But the referee was out of it, Jess. I'm not denying that fact.

Mean Gene: Ladies and gentlemen, we all are part of history in the making, here this afternoon for WrestleMania III. I have come to the Silverdome, like you, to be part of this historic date: March 29, 1987. Thanks to our millions of fans all around the world, and a special thanks as we have established, all of us, a brand new indoor attendance record of 93,173—give yourselves a big hand!

[Nikolai Volkoff is starting to sing the Soviet National Anthem prior to the match between The Killer Bees and himself and The Iron Sheik when Hacksaw Jim Duggan runs down the aisle and chases them outside the ring.]

Hacksaw Jim Duggan: Volkoff. Volkoff understand one thing, you're not singing that Russian National Anthem. Because this is the land of the free, and the home of the brave!!!

Mean Gene: Andre the Giant, just moments away from your stepping through the ropes and into the ring to meet Hulk Hogan in the biggest title match of all time. I want get your thoughts.

André The Giant: Gene, you see me now. And I'm going to the ring and believe me, it's not going to take me too long to come back right in front of the camera with the World Championship belt around my waist.

Mean Gene: Bobby?

Bobby: Oh I can feel it. Oh the adrenaline's going! This man right here is going to make me famous. He's going to become the Heavyweight Champion of the world, and I'm going to go down in the history books as the manager of the World's Heavyweight Champion. I'm ready. Hogan, you'd better be ready!

Mean Gene: Moments away from the biggest Heavyweight Title defense of this man ever. Hulk Hogan, you've got to be ready.

Hogan: Well you know, I hope Pontiac, Michigan, recovers man. I'm glad I snuck in early last night, brother. I didn't realize the interstates, the Pontiac Silverdome was in danger. Not the 90,000 plus on the inside. It's the 90,000 plus on the outside of the Silverdome. Those are the ones I'm worried about, because when I get my hands on that big nasty giant. When he faces the truth, when he feels the wrath of Hulkamania. The day the whole Earth is going to shake. What are those 90,000 plus Hulkamaniacs on the outside gonna think? I'm not worried about the people on the closed circuit. I'm not worried about the people all around the world. They'll see it! But the intensity of Hulkamania. The way it's turned this whole state upside down. The way the whole world's turned upside down. What are they gonna think when the giant hits the ground, he feels the wrath of Hulkamania and the whole world shakes at my feet?

Mean Gene: We could conceivably blow the roof off this great facility, the Silverdome.

Jesse: [said at every WrestleMania] I wanna say hi to Terry, Tyrel, and Jade in Minneapolis.

Uecker: This is the main event of the evening. It is for the World Wrestling Federation Championship. It is scheduled for one fall with a one hour time limit. First, the challenger, accompanied by his manager, Bobby "the Brain" Heenan. He hails from Grenoble in the French Alps, he weighs 520 pounds, Andre the Giant!

Gorilla: An awesome figure. The 7'5" figure of Andre the Giant who has literally been brainwashed by that man right there, Bobby "the Brain" Heenan.

Jesse: No, I disagree with you a little, Gorilla. The man has never had a championship title match. Don't you feel, in a 15-year illustrious career, that he should be granted one shot at the title?

Gorilla: Jess, the man never, #1, asked for a title match, and #2, never wanted a title match. To my knowledge.

Jesse: Never wanted it? Your knowledge is wrong, because right here he's got one, and he definitely asked for it—he ripped the shirt off the champion, as well as the crucifix. I figure that's a direct way of asking for it.

Gorilla: Yes, it certainly is, but all that came at the provocation of that guy right there with the white waiter's jacket on, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

Gorilla:: You could be looking at the next heavyweight champion of the world.

Jesse:: And I just gave you the tale of the tape!

Uecker: And now his opponent. He is from Venice Beach, California. Weighing in at 294 pounds. He is the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight champion, Hulk Hogan!

Gorilla: The roof of the Silverdome about to explode here! As the Hulkster greets and these 93,000 plus greet him. You're looking at the greatest professional athlete in the world today. The world's heavyweight champion.

Jesse: Well right now Gorilla, he may not be a few minutes from now. Let me run it down. Hogan—6'8", 294, neck 21, chest 58, biceps at a phenomenal 24 inches, forearms 18, wrists 9 inches, hands 13 and a half, thighs 30 and a half, calves 20, the tale of the tape!

Gorilla: Look at the stare of the champion against the challenger. The irresistible force meeting the immovable object.

Jesse: Look at the size of the Giant! I mean Hogan is 6'8"

Gorilla: Andre is 7'5"! The bell has gone, this one is officially underway. Look at the look of the disdain on the face of Andre.

Jesse: What's Hogan saying to him I wonder? What could Hogan possibly be saying to him?

Gorilla: Certainly like to be able to read lips at this point.

Jesse: He's almost, he's hulking up right now!

Gorilla: Shove by Andre and the champion retaliates. Oh, big right hand blocked by the champion and the Hulkster unloading! Going for a slam! Oh, he almost got him up. Oh, he collapsed! One, two. [Hulk kicks out] Two count only.

Jesse: Two count? Was that two or was that three?

Gorilla: Two count only.

Jesse: Ooh, that was close, Gorilla!

Gorilla: Shoulder was up.

Jesse: Oh, was that close. Andre thinks he's won it just like that. Hogan is hurt! Hogan went for a bodyslam early in the bout and he may have injured his back.

Gorilla: May have hurt that lower back area for sure with that extreme weight of Andre the Giant. Referee showing the timekeeper that it was a two count and the shoulder came up.

Jesse: That's kinda like talking to the third base coach before you lay down the bunt, Uecker. Then again, in your case, Ueck, you gotta make contact with the ball.

Robin Leach: [reading proclamation] "Whereas the World Wrestling Federation has experienced certain extraordinary circumstances concerning the Championship, and whereas the World Wrestling Federation sought to establish a fair and just way to diligently determine who should be the undisputed WWF Champion, and whereas WrestleMania IV has selected as the specific site to determine who will be the undisputed Champion by way of an elimination championship tournament, and whereas the top 14 competitors in the World Wrestling Federation have been selected and paired and are present in readiness to compete, I now proclaim that the championship tournament should begin." With champagne wishes and caviar dreams, may the best man win. I'm Robin Leach and I do know why.

Jesse: You know what'd be unique that just came to mind to me, Gorilla? Let's say if DiBiase advances here, and let's say Andre beats Hogan, that means that DiBiase and Andre would face each other...correct?

Gorilla: Not necessarily—if DiBiase's victorious here, he has to meet the winner of the Muraco/Bravo match.

Jesse: Right, but let's just say that DiBiase wins twice, it could end up Andre/DiBiase; what will happen?

Gorilla: Well, it's possible, but he tried that before, and he knows that he can't get the belt without beating the champion.

Uecker: For what you did to that dog, the ASPCKGBY ought to be on you forever.

Bobby: I don't have to take insults from you or anybody else. You talk about people writing in letters? You had over 700,000 votes to get into the Hall of Fame. You'd have had a lot more than that, but you ran out of stamps.

Jesse: What was your biggest weight that you wrestled at?

Gorilla: 440. Superheavyweight.

Jesse: 440. The heck did you eat when you weighed 440?

Gorilla: Just about everything...

Jesse: I know, you were on a see-food diet, right? You ate everything you saw.

Jesse: I know right where Vanna's at, but I just can't say my room number over the air.

Gorilla: It takes a man-and-a-half to do that.

Jesse: What, to sit out there and pose?

[Tito Santana hits Demolition Ax with his flying formarm.]

Jesse: Chico learned that move in the Mexican Football League. The MFL.

Uecker: Introducing first: accompanied by himself...uh-uh—he's got the big boy with him, Andre the Giant. Here is the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase.

Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Well, I won't argue with that unless you've got a double, Gorilla.

Gorilla: Million dollar champion? Who did he beat?

Jesse: I know who he beat. He beat the banker.

[During the match between Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Ted DiBiase]

Gorilla: If you make a mistake in this league, it'll cost you the match.

Jesse: But not the Million Dollar Belt.

Gorilla: No, definitely not, because the guy wouldn't put it up.

Jesse: Yeah, but you know, you think about it Gorilla, what is Brutus putting up for collateral?

Gorilla: His reputation.

Jesse: Aw, that's worth about two cents.

Jesse: [on the Bushwhackers' walk to the ring] Gorilla, I noticed you the other night walking through the casino looking like that.

Gorilla: Me?! Walking through it looking like that?

Jesse: Walking like that. Why is that?

Gorilla: Was I? Well, sometimes it happens. You know, you get caught...

Jesse: Were you hittin' the joy juice, Gorilla?

Gorilla: No, absolutely not.

Jesse: You know what that does to animals.

Gorilla: Yeah, no, I never partake.

Jesse: Here's two guys that look like they're on the joy juice. Some kind of juice.

Gorilla: I tell you what, in your day, Jess, they would've been tough for anybody because they're so unorthodox.

Jesse: What do you mean, in my day? When was I around, when Henry Ford built his first car?

Gorilla: No, but you were around when I was still in the squared circle and I've retired.

Jesse: No, no, no!

Gorilla: You don't think so. I remember it quite well.

Jesse: Look at this, they got poor Jimmy's coat, and these guys'd probably eat it. They probably didn't get enough to eat at brunch.

Jesse: You got to give Mr. Fuji credit. He ran that 5K run in a tux too.

Gorilla: Boy, has he got you to be a believer! He wasn't even sweating in the end! He obviously got onto one of those pushcarts on the boardwalk and had someone push him around for 2 3/4 miles.

Jesse: I can't believe the jealousy in you Monsoon. Fuji's out there training while you're throwing dice.

Mean Gene Okerlund: Rick Martel, what kind of an explanation do you have for actions out there?! You left Tito Santana high and dry! You walked away from your tag team partner!

Rick Martel: Well, as far as I'm concerned, he just got what he deserved. I'm sick and tired of him, and I'm sick and tired of carrying him around. I was doing great when...ever since I've been in WWF as a singles wrestler, but no—Mr. Tito wants to ride my coattail once more. I'm sick and tired of him; I've been carrying him around too long already!

Mean Gene: Wait a minute, Martel, you're out of line. Strike Force was supposed to be a team! A team!

Martel: I don't want to be associated with that guy, he's a loser! You saw his timing was way off. You're lucky that being the gentleman that I am that I just walked off. That could have been a lot worse for you Tito Santana. I'm tired, I'm fed up with you!

Brother Love: You know, brother Morton, I love you. But you see, that doesn't mean that I like you.

Rowdy Roddy Piper: You know, Brother Love, with them cute little knees like that, your hair all breezed back, that cute little flower there, and that tie, the only thing that bothers me is that your face is red. I don't know if that's high blood pressure, or you're just scared to death of me.

Brother Love: You can't scare me.

[Piper screams once, sending Brother Love back in a fright]

Piper: Well so far, we know he's a liar.

Piper: Is there anything about you at all that may be from Scotland?

Brother Love: I'm a little bit Scotch.

Piper: If you're a little bit Scotch, then— Scotch, did you say?

Brother Love: Yeah, Scotch.

Piper: Scotch is what a Scotsman drinks. Now if you are any part of you a Scotsman, then...under that skirt there...

Brother Love: This is a kilt.

Piper: No, no, this here's a kilt; that's a dress, baby.

Brother Love: That looks more like a dress.

[Starts to look under Piper's kilt]

Piper: I'll bite your face off if you do that. Tell me. If you are a real Scotsman, then you don't got nothin' under that kilt there, do you? Huh? No, I mean it! If you are a real Scotsman, there ain't a lick of thing under there. Excuse me, I should rephrase that. I don't mean he hasn't got anything under the kilt, I should say you're not wearing anything. We all know you ain't got nothin' under there!

Piper: Tell me something, Mr. Downey. You used to have all these nasty warts all over your face—big, nasty green ones. The only thing you could go out with was a guy who rang bells and would walk [with hunchback] oh, nice to see ya. What happened to the warts?

Morton: I gave them to a homeless warthog.

Piper: I didn't know your girlfriend was homeless.

Piper: I'm gonna ask you one more time, please don't blow the smoke in my face. I'm talking to a guy, this is the guy here that said...[Morton takes a puff and blows it out towards the audience] Thank you very much, that's mighty white of you. This is the guy here... [Morton takes another puff, and immediately turns and blows in Piper's face] You know, that's, like, the fourth time you've done that, and I'm goin' say this to you again. Don't blow no more smoke in my face. Do you understand that?

Morton: Try it. Try it. You'll like it. [Morton slowly blows in Piper's face, who takes it in] You like it? That good? Think about that. That's good. That's good. That's good for you, that's healthy. Look, you could live as long as I have.

Piper: You know something? You know, wait a second. I judged you wrong! That's true, that was kind of nice. Gave me that kind or aromous, early goat's flavor in my lungs, made my skin yellow. You know, would you happen to have one of those for me? I'd like to smoke one of them. Would you mind just lighting up one of them puppies, and give it on over to ol' Hot Rod here, would you? Do that for me. [As Morton's back in turned, Piper lifts and replaces a stool, revealing a fire extinguisher, which Piper picks up] Yo, Mr. Downey, give me that smoke, would ya?

[As Morton turns around, Piper blasts the extinguisher in his face, sending him to the ground.]

Gorilla: I think the fire's out, Jess.

[Following the premiere of the trailer of Hulk Hogan's movie No Holds Barred]

Jesse: [outraged] How dare him step into Hollywood, Gorilla Monsoon! Let me tell you something, Hulk Hogan. Hollywood is my domain. But I can see why you're doing it. You're doing it, Hogan, because you're going to lose to the Macho Man! And when you lose to him, you're going to have no job Hulk Hogan! So you're going to have to come out to Hollywood? Try to invade my territory? It ain't big enough for the both of us Hogan! But if you want to come out, I'll give Hogan a job in Hollywood, HE CAN DRIVE MY LIMO!!

Gorilla: Completely bent out of shape, Jesse Ventura. Talking about people infriging on his territory. Merely, the Hulkster's gone out and made a movie, the name of it, No Holds Barred. Boy, we've seen plenty of action so far here in Wrestlemania V. Of course, Demolition retaining their World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Championship belts and did it in a really good fashion, putting away Mr. Fuji. [Jesse returns] You're having second thoughts? It was very unprofessional of you, Jess, to just storm out of here like that.

Jesse: I'm a professional, Monsoon. They're paying me big money to be here. I'll earn it and don't you give me no hard time. I've had enough for now!

Jesse: I used to like broadcasting with you. You're getting worse than McMahon.

Gorilla: I am?

Gorilla: [on Sensational Sherri] She's comparing herself to Miss Elizabeth? Give me a break. The two shouldn't even be mentioned in the same sentence.

Jesse: You know how I can't miss in Hollywood, Gorilla? I got Paul Newman's eyes, I got Kirk Douglas's chin, and Robert Duvall's haircut. How can I lose?

Gorilla: But what do you have of your own, Jess?

Jesse: [pause] ...And here comes Brutus.

Gorilla: Well, Tito can knock you out with that flying forearm if you know, Jess.

Jesse: Yeah, a burrito will do it, too.

Jesse: They said "with a combined weight of 465 lbs." You're telling me that Rhodes only weighs 200?!

Gorilla: Look at this, Sapphire coming around to save— standing right in front of "The Dream."

Jesse: Nail her, Macho! Jump right off on her!

Gorilla: I can't believe you just said that.

Jesse: Hey, she wants to play lumberjack, let her carry her end of the log!

Mean Gene: I find that you're tougher to get along with than a mother-in-law on a weekend visit to my house.

Bobby: Don't you concern yourself about getting along with me. I'm the easiest guy in the world to get along with; but when you're 540 lb., 7'4", and it takes two and a half hours for the blood to reach the brain, you don't think real right!

Mean Gene: Wait a minute, Bobby Heenan, where do you have the bal— the nerve to hit Andre the Giant in the face?

Bobby: I'll tell you where I got the nerve to hit Andre in the face. You take orders from me! I'm the head of the Family! You listen to me, you go to the top; you don't listen to me, you're never heard from again! You have just committed pal...........

Mean Gene: What are you at a loss for words now?

Bobby: No I'm not! We lost the championship! Because he stood on the apron, wouldn't get in the ring, wouldn't help Haku. Haku had to carry the load! I'm starting a new Heenan family. Ones that will listen to me...

[At the interview area]

Mean Gene: Hulk Hogan, the greatest World Wrestling Federation champion of all time. Here we are at Wrestlemania VI, the waiting's over, here comes the Ultimate Challenge.

Hulk Hogan: You know something Mean Gene, you don't have to remind me and my Hulkamaniacs that at Skydome we're gonna face the Ultimate Challenge, brother. When we crossed the border from the United States of America to Canada, I was hovering over Skydome, brother, I saw what was beneath me man. I saw the greatest arena of all times, where the Ultimate Challenge will take place... and as we landed, brother, nothing but stark-raving Hulkamaniacs were there to great me at the airport. Nothing but positive vibes, man. Hulkamania is running wild like it's never ran before! But the Ultimate Warrior, you must realize that when you step into Skydome, when you feel the energy that's gonna run wild throughout the arena, those are my people. That's my energy brother and Ultimate Warrior, [points to his hand] this is where the power lies, man. In the power of the Hulkster, the largest arms in the world, and once I get you down on your knees, Ultimate Warrior, I'm gonna ask you one question, brother. I'm gonna ask you: do you want to live forever? And if your answer is yes, Ultimate Warrior, then breathe you last breath into my body. I can save ya, my Hulkamaniacs can save ya. We can turn the darkness that you live in into the light. We can save all your little warriors with the training, the prayers, and the vitamins. But I gotta prove one thing to all my Hulkamaniacs out there — it's not whether you win or whether you lose, the only thing that matters is what kind of winner you are or what kind of loser you are, and Ultimate Warrior, I sure hope you're a good loser, brother. Whatcha ya gonna do at Skydome when the largest arms in the world and Hulkamania destroys you?

Mean Gene: Alright, the time is now. Hulkster, thank you; standing by is Sean Mooney.

[Cut to the locker room. There we see Sean Mooney with the Ultimate Warrior, who's pacing around the room.]

The Ultimate Warrior: [interrupting] Ahhhhh... You are nothing but a normal! You don't deserve to breathe the same air that I and Hulk Hogan do! [Throws Mooney out of the room] Hulk Hogan, I must ask you now as you asked me: do you, Hulk Hogan, want your ideas, your beliefs to live forever? For, Hulk Hogan, in this normal world, physically, none of us can live forever. But the places you have taken the Hulkamaniacs, the ideas and beliefs you have given them, can live through me, Hulk Hogan. That is why I breathe, that is why the Warriors have come. Hulk Hogan, there are ones that question where you are taking them. Do you no longer want to walk or step into that darkness? Hulk Hogan, the darkness I speak of is nothing of fear. It is about the beliefs... of accepting any and all challenges at the cost of losing everything, Hulk Hogan. You have lived, Hulk Hogan, for the last 5 WrestleManias for this one belief. Now, Hulk Hogan, I come to take what you believe in further than you ever could. I come, Hulk Hogan, not to destroy the Hulkamaniacs and Hulkamania. I come, Hulk Hogan, to bring the Warriors and Hulkamaniacs together as one as we, Hulk Hogan, accept all the challenges with all the strengths of the Warriors and the Hulkamaniacs together. Hulk Hogan, the colors of the Hulkamaniacs are coming through the pores of my skin... and Hulk Hogan... when we meet, Hulk Hogan, I will look at you and you will realize then that I have come to do no one no harm, but only, Hulk Hogan, to take what we both believe in to places it shall never have been!

Jake "The Snake" Roberts: Well, well, the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase. Here we are at WrestleMania, and it's the biggest match of your career. Why? Because everything you stand for is on the line, namely the Million Dollar Belt. Oh yeah, it can be yours once again. All you have to do to get it back is go through Damian and me. But you see, Damian and I don't forget. We remember all the times you made people grovel for your money. These were people far less fortunate than you, people who could use your money for essentials, and what did you do? You made fun of them. You humbled them and you humiliated them. Well, now it’s my turn. I’m going to make you beg, DiBiase. You are going to get down on your hands and knees. This time, you’ll be the one that’s humbled. This time, you’ll be the one that’s humiliated, and this time, you will be the one that grovels for the money. And how appropriate, that the money you grovel for is your very own—a victim of your own greed, wallowing in the muck of avarice.

Allen: [on Superfly Jimmy Snuka] I'll tell you how ugly he is—at one time, a vampire flew into his bedroom, took one look at him, and bit the bedpost.

Allen: I like Jimmy Snuka 'cause he's wearing my wife's underwear.

Jesse: Got him with the boot!

Gorilla: Oh, he nailed him! [Hulk Hogan sets up for the Leg Drop]

Jesse: Here it is!

Gorilla: He... [Hogan goes for the Leg Drop, but the Ultimate Warrior moves out of the way] Oh, he moved out of the way! [In the moment that Hogan is stunned, the Warrior bounces off the ropes and hits the splash] Look out, the big Splash! [counting along with the referee] One...

Jesse: Two...

Gorilla: ["Three"] He got him!

Jesse: HE GOT HIM!

Gorilla: Unbelievable!

Jesse: THE WARRIOR'S WON THE TITLE!

Gorilla: We have a new World Wrestling Federation Champion!

Howard Finkel: The winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: the Ultimate Warrior!

[As Finkel says this, a downcast Hogan looks to the heavens and hits his knees in anguish]

Gorilla: This place has gone crazy!

Jesse: UNBELIEVABLE, MONSOON! What a battle, both ways! Hogan missing the Leg Drop, the Warrior capitalizing on it, and getting the three-count just minuscule seconds before Hogan could kick out!

[Later, Hogan brings the WWF title into the ring]

Jesse: Look at the hushed silence going over the crowd.

Gorilla: They don't know what the Hulkster's going to do and neither do I. [Hogan presents the belt to the Warrior] Oh, look at this! Hulk presenting the belt and raising the hand of the Warrior! [The two men embrace in the ring] The Hulkster has just taken one giant step towards immortality!

Jesse: Well, I gotta say this! At least it wasn't a Mike Tyson-Don King type affair! The man lost it, and he's going out like a true champion, Monsoon!

Bobby: His name's Fred Kitao? Silly name for a Japanese wrestler, Fred.

Bobby: It's amazing that Lou Ferrigno can talk with 20 pounds of crackers in his mouth.

Gorilla: Will you stop?!!

Bobby: Here we are, humanoids, in sunny California — Los Angeles, to be exact. And you've probably been reading in the papers, and everyone's been seeing on TV, this is the home of the great LAPD, Los Angeles Police Department. And you've all seen what transpired out here, how some little ham-and-egger was hiding in the bushes with his little home video camera and he happened upon this incident and took the pictures of it. Well, I've got a treat for you, because you see, I'm gonna give it to you for zip. All you gotta do is get out that rented sofa with the spring sticking up, go over and push your VCR button on Play; we'll furnish the cameraman, and then you can see our brand of justice, the way Mr. Perfect is gonna dish it out to that Barney Fife, the Big Bossman.

Mr. Perfect: And I will guarantee you this, that you will not find Mr. Perfect giving the Big Bossman 56 free swipes at me, Bossman. Because I'm cool, I'm the Intercontinental Champion, I'm cool as a cat, Bossman. Most people in my position might be on edge, thinking they've gotta climb into the ring with a 300-pound maniac. Well, Big Bossman, I'm the champion — Intercontinental Champion. I have all the tools it takes to be a champion: I have Bobby "The Brain" Heenan in my corner, I have the right body, I have the right looks, the ability. I am what I say I am, and I say I'm... [turns around. On the back of his ring jacket it says "Perfect"]

Regis: He's not going to plant that flag on the Hulk, is he? [he drapes it on Hulk Hogan and covers him] Oh no! Come on!

Gorilla: Give me a break here! [The referee counts, but Hogan kicks out at two] It's not over yet!

Regis: YES! Come on, Hulk!

Bobby: He seizes the Iraqi flag!

Gorilla: [Hogan, on his knees, starts ripping up the flag] Hulkster tearing it to pieces. [Seeing Slaughter coming, he stops ripping the flag and begins to Hulk up] Slaughter comes in... oh, look at this!

Regis: [talking over Gorilla's last sentence] Uh-oh! Here he comes.

Bobby: That man made a mistake, putting the flag on the Hulkster!

Regis: Come on, Hulk, get up!

Gorilla: [Hogan rises to his feet and parades around shaking his hair] That adrenaline flowing right now! The Hulkster seeing the crimson red! [Hogan had been cut open earlier in the match.]

Regis: AH! [Slaughter pounds him, but it has no effect on Hogan. Instead, Hogan points a finger at Slaughter]

Gorilla: Uh-oh!

Regis: That's it.

Bobby: It could be it.

Regis: Here comes the warning.

Gorilla: [As he says this, Hogan blocks Slaughter's right hand and pounds him with three roundhouses. Then he whips Slaughter in and plants the Big Boot] "You're not going to do that to me; you're not going to do that to the United States of America, and the thousands of Hulkamaniacs." Irish whip and the Big Boot!

Bobby: No! Not here, please!

Regis: [Hogan bounces off the ropes and hits the Leg Drop] OH!

Gorilla: Hulkster off with the Leg Drop! The cover... [Hogan covers Slaughter and gets three] He got him!

Bobby: HE DID IT!

Regis: What a comeback!

Bobby: He did it for the World Wrestling Federation, and for the United States of America!

Regis: What a comeback!

Bobby: Did you hear me?

Gorilla: I certainly have! History once again made here at WrestleMania VII - an unprecedented three-time winner of the World Wrestling Federation title.

Howard Finkel: [speaking over Gorilla] The winner of this bout, and the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Hulk Hogan!

Gorilla: Undoubtedly, the most memorable night in Pay-Per-View history, and you are part of it. WHOA!

Regis: What a thrill to see this, Gorilla! Never seen anything like it. A great comeback! Fans are going crazy.

Gorilla: The gold once again around the waist of that incredible individual!

Bobby: I have a special announcement: Shawn Michaels has left the building.

Gorilla: Who cares?!

Bobby: I'll do it again, if you wanna hear it.

[Ric Flair is walking down the aisle, preparing for his title match with Macho Man Randy Savage]

Bobby: You know, if you want to be fair to Flair, you've gotta be fair and say that's heckuva robe. Only a man as fair as Flair, would show up at Wrestlemania....

Gorilla: WILL YOU STOP?!

[Ric Flair has just lost the WWF title to the Macho Man and is backstage with Sean Mooney, Mr. Perfect, and Bobby the Brain Heenan.]

Sean Mooney: This is one tough assignment that I'm gonna get comments from the now FORMER World Wrestling Federation Champion, Ric Flair....

Mr. Perfect: You just shut up Mooney!! This is the way it is. Macho Man Randy Savage, you call yourself a Macho Man? well what's so Macho, what an injustice. I'm not gonna stand around here say anything true Macho Man. You had a handful of trunks. The trunks were up, the stupid referee, a bad job officiating. Bobby, you saw what happened, did you see what happened??

Bobby: I just got down from the booth. He had your tights, I saw it, it's on camera, it's on tape, I got it. There's nothing to worry about.

Mr.Perfect: There is something to worry about.

Sean: There's some tactics that Ric Flair was using that are questionable.

"Nature Boy" Ric Flair: What we have right now, is a MAN that'll walk around town tonight claiming to be the real World's champion. Claiming to be the second time WWF Heavyweight Champion, He'll be claiming it all!! ANd most of all, he'll be claiming the love of that jezzebel Elizabeth!! Now Savage, unlike a lot of people in the greatest sport of them all, we don't cry over spilled milk, we reassemble the team. The Money, the brains, the nucleus, and we say to our opponent..You did it once. Now let's see ya do it again. One time means NOTHING to my career. Tell 'em Mr. Perfect.

Mr.Perfect: I'll tell ya what. One time means nothing Macho Man. Like your old lady, you're gonna be damaged goods, because this man has never taken a short cut in the world of wrestling. You Macho Man have taken a short cut. You had a handful of tights. We were out there, we were wrestling. This man was the greatest World Wrestling Federation champion of all time.[Cameras then show the ending of the match] Here is comes, let everybody take a good long look at it because they're all gonna see how the handful of tights.

Bobby: Now watch you're gonna get a good look, look at that handful of tights. That's the champion. He's cheated. He don't deserve to have the title.

Mr.Perfect: He's like his old lady. A Cheater.

Sean: Well the way it stands right now, there is a new champion in the WWF...

Ric Flair: Let's make it clear right now!!! We regroup together. Where I go, Perfect goes. It's all monitored by Heenan. And I got something for Savage..might not be tomorrow, it might be the day after, but I'm gonna beat you and I'm gonna beat you bad, and every time I see your old lady, I'm gonna kiss her on those moist...wet...lips. WOOOOOOOO!

Mr. Perfect: Atta baby Champ.

Sean: As you know this is not a very safe place to be. I'm out of here. Let's go to Mean Gene Okerlund.

[After Bobby gets back from the locker room following the WWF Championship match]

Bobby: Monsoon, I just got back from talking with Ric Flair. I'm going to make a statement. I'm going to make it now. I'm going to make it clear and to the point. You saw it, I saw it, millions and millions of people saw it; Savage had a fistful of trunks when he used it to pin Ric Flair. Now, a lesser person would quit, they would scream, they would make excuses; we are going to regroup and we're going to get the title back. It's just a matter of time. If we're going to be upset; if we're going to act emotional; well then, we're going to defeat ourselves. We're going to look at this as a positive message, and we are going to go forward and we're going to take that title and we're going to take Mr Savage out eventually. It's just a matter of time. End of conservation.

Gorilla: Yeah? And how many of you will it take to do that?

Bobby: It doesn't matter Monsoon, we'll get the job done.

Gorilla: Mr...Mr Perfect spent as much time in the ring as Ric Flair did!

Bobby: You discuss that with them. I'm a broadcast journalist...

Gorilla: You're a liar!

Bobby: I'm a financial advisor...

Gorilla: You're a liar!

Bobby: ...and I'm going to sit here and do my job like the gentlemen I am.

Gorilla: You're a liar!

Bobby: And if you don't like it, you can get outta here...

Gorilla: You're a liar!

Bobby: ...and take your microphone and your headset and you know what you can do with them (now getting hysterical) 'cause you're not going to get me upset!!

Gorilla: You are upset.

Bobby: You understand me?! You're not going to get me upset!

Gorilla: Don't jump, it's a long way down!

Bobby: Put 'em up! [Gorilla scoffs] Put 'em up!

Gorilla: Boy oh boy, the Brain has really lost it folks.

Bobby: Instead of being thrown out of the ring, he should've done the pitching.

Gorilla: Who should've done the pitching?

Bobby: T.t..t.Tatanka. But then again, if the Indians had more pitching, they'd be a better team.

'Gorilla: Why don't you stop?

Bobby: Did you ever say hello to Tatanka?

Gorilla: Yes.

Bobby: Did you do it properly?

Gorilla: Yes....

Bobby: You said "Heyhowareya!" Heyhowareya!"

Gorilla: He doesn't do that.

Sid Justice: See, we have a saying, and it goes like this: Do unto the man as he would do unto you...but do it first.

Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner as a result of a disqualification: The Undertaker!

Bobby: Oh come on! For what?

[Undertaker improves to 3-0 at Wrestlemania.]

Mean Gene Okerlund: I can't think of a better individual who can share with us his perspective regarding just who is gonna be the new World Wrestling Federation Champion. Four-time Champion himself, Hulk Ho... [seeing Hulk's black eye] You know, Ted DiBiase said something about it. What in the world happened?

Hulk Hogan: Well, you know something, Mean Gene? I just left the WWF Champion's dressing room, Bret "The Hitman" Hart, and the one thought I wanted to leave him with was that all the Hulkamaniacs and Hulk Hogan are in his corner. But you know, the last couple months, these seem to be the times when people do step over the line. First off, with my bionic brother Brutus. And then last night leaving the gym here in Vegas, I guess money can buy certain liberties around this town. They took it out on the Hulkster, brother. But all the little Hulkamaniacs pushed me towards the ring.

You know, Bret Hart, a little warning to the wise, brother. You're a brother, you're a Hulkamaniac, and since so many people are stepping over the line, I want you to watch this Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji like a cat, brother; I want you to watch every move; and I also want you to know, brother, that me and all my Hulkamaniacs are on your side.

But as I looked into the eyes of Bret Hart just a few minutes ago, Mean Gene, I know the power of Hulkamania, I know the greatness of Hulkamania, and as I looked into Bret Hart's eyes, I even questioned Hulkamania's own greatness. That's why right now, Bret Hart, I'm issuing a challenge to either you or the Jap, brother! Whoever wins that WWF Title, I want the first shot at it. But let me tell you something, Mean Gene. With me, all my Hulkamaniacs, and the attitude that Bret Hart has, I guarantee you, dude, the WWF Title is staying right here in the WWF, right here in the US of A. And what you gonna do?!

Shawn Michaels: [shoving Todd out of the picture] All right, Pettengill, out of the way. Everyone knows why Rhonda Shear's here, and that's to be with the Heartbreak Kid. Everyone knows we're an item. Now, photographer, I'm got him here.

Jerry: You have to pin Mo because Mabel is so fat, you try to cover him and your ears pop.

Todd: Obviously, Yokozuna is still the Champion, but he was down, laying in that ring. You gotta admit that.

Jim Cornette: Who's got the belt? Who's still the Champion? That's all you need to know, Petting Zoo! Let me tell you something right now! Lex Luger, you thought you had everything well in hand, just like a purring kitten. But you found out, in the immortal words of the great poet and philosopher Ian Anderson, "he who made kittens, put snakes in the grass."

And I thought Mr. Perfect did a wonderful job officiating. I thought he was fair and square and right down the middle. Remember, the special referees were agreed upon by both parties, Luger.

Now as to Bret Hart, let me explain something to you, punk! It's no longer a question of whether you're gonna come out of this match with the World Wrestling Federation Title. No, it's a question of whether you're gonna come out of this match with your health, your body, and your career intact. Because you've gotta get in that ring, Bret Hart, and you've gotta think to yourself, you've gotta have the pain, the agony, the degradation, the humiliation of being beaten by your own brother on worldwide pay-per-view, all that running through your mind. And you've gotta have the pain of that knee—don't think we didn't notice it—the pain of that knee that you injured—who knows how badly—coursing through your body, affecting your judgment, clouding your instincts.

So Bret Hart, you are going to have to come to terms with, you are going to have to deal with the fact that it's no longer a matter of you trying to win the title; it's a matter of you trying to keep yourself in one piece when you climb in the ring and you look into the eyes of the monster: the most powerful, the most intimidating, the most dominant force that's ever existed in wrestling history - the Great, Mighty Yokozuna, still the World Wrestling Federation Champion.

So Bret Hart, you talk about waking a sleeping giant? He's not only awake; but he's mad, he's enraged, he's furious, and he's hungry! He's hungry and he wants to be fed! And Bret Hart, he's going be the shark, the wrestling ring's gonna be the ocean, and you, Bret Hart, are going to be the blood poured into the water that kicks off the feeding frenzy! He's going to chew you up and spit you out, Hart! And your career may be over at the biggest WrestleMania of all-time. I can't wait to see it happen!

Yokozuna: BANZAI!

[ Razor Ramon walks under a ladder as he comes to the ring for his ladder match]

Vince: Did you see what he just did?

Jerry: That's bad luck!

Vince: Well, you can bet he did it for a reason-

Jerry: Yeah! He's stupid!

Jerry: Would you walk under a ladder, McMahon? Would you break a mirror? Well, with your face you might break a mirror...

Vince: [as Yokozuna prepares a Banzai Drop on Bret Hart] Yokozuna's going up. Bret Hart is not moving. [Yokozuna loses his balance and falls off the rope, Hart getting away just in time] Wait a minute, he's losing his balance! He just lost his balance on the rope!

Jerry "The King" Lawler: I heard he dedicated one of those Slammys to Jose Lothario.

Vince: That's right.

Jerry: I bet you'll probally see it in a pawn shop in Tijuana tomorrow.

[Explaining the rules of the Ironman match]

Earl Hebner: Gentlemen, this match is for the World Wrestling Federation Championship. This is an Iron Man match. You will be wrestling for 60 minutes.

Vince: Wow.

Hebner: The man who wins the most decisions will be declared the winner and the World Wrestling Federation Champion.

Vince: Hitman's cool.

Hebner: A decision can be earned by a pinfall, a submission, a countout, or a disqualification. You MUST... must break on the count of 4; I will disqualify you on the count of 5. If you leave the ring, or if you're thrown out, you have a 10-count to return, or you'll be counted out. Do you gentlemen both understand the rules?

Vince: [Bret Hart winks at someone, then both nod their heads] Oh, the Hitman, ever confident.

Hebner: Are there any questions?

Vince: [Both shake their heads "no"] No questions from either individual.

Hebner: Good luck to both of you.

[After the 60 minute time limit has expired, ring announcer Howard Finkel announces that the match must continue.]

Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention please. The 60 minute time limit has expired. However, this match has been ordered to continue... under sudden death rules. There must be a winner.

Vince: It's not over! This capacity crowd buzzing. They've never seen anything quite like this, and you would only see it in the WWF... [Shawn Michaels loads up his boot...] Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Michaels steps - [and hits Sweet Chin Music on Bret Hart] he got it! He got all of it! Michaels got ALL OF IT! [Michaels pins Hart] MICHAELS WITH A COVER! [counting along with Earl Hebner] ONE, TWO, YES!

Jerry: No!

Howard: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels!

Vince: [moments later, as Shawn is awarded the WWF title] The boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels.

Narrator: It's traditionally the grandest night in the World Wrestling Federation. WrestleMania: the great spectacle, the granddaddy of sports entertainment, a magical night where dreams become reality, where legends stand immortal, where incredible feats of athleticism are indelibly etched in the annals of time.

But this year, a tempest engulfs utopia. This year, clouds of hatred and anger have eclipsed the heavens, shed darkness on the gods. We've watched as heroes stepped down from their pedestals, witnessed malicious attacks by a depraved Nation, beheld the dark, disturbing flashes from a once benevolent force.

Tonight, three determined men unite to wage war against an evil Nation. Their battleground: the cold, unforgiving streets of Chicago.

Tonight, two giants appear willing to shed their noble armor to embrace their dark sides, to possess the coveted gold.

And tonight, two angry young men destined to destroy each other will endure intolerable pain in a brutal submission match.

It's WrestleMania, the Showcase of the Immortals, the greatest night in sports entertainment. It's supposed to be a night of celebration, a time to rejoice. But tonight, none of these men are smiling.

Vince McMahon: Here's a man who's had a great legacy. But that legacy has taken a real turn.

Jerry: I know he took you for a turn when he shoved you on your keister.

Vince: Yes and I didn't appreciate it one bit. I think Bret was out of line for doing that. As well as all the obscenities that he uttered on live television. There's no excuse for that no matter how many times this man so called has been screwed.

Jerry: Well you called him a son of a...

Vince: If Bret Hart loses this match, you wonder what he's gonna come up with as an excuse, because he'll have one in my view.

Jerry: Who, Bret Hart? Sure he will! He's a whiner.

Vince: Well, it's what it seems that... his sort of mind is of late, and that's too bad.

Jerry: Bret Hart can twist Stone Cold's leg until it looks like the Chicago White Sox' Robin Ventura. It can be turned around backwards, and Stone Cold is still not gonna give up.

Jim: Austin is unconscious! Austin never gave up! Austin never gave up, but he passed out from the pain! Austin is out!

Vince: And Bret "The Hitman" Hart has defeated one of the gutsiest individuals ever in the World Wrestling Federation.

Howard Finkel: As a result of Stone Cold Steve Austin losing consciousness, the winner of this bout: Bret "Hitman" Hart!

Vince: [cont'd] I can tell ya, I've never seen a display of intestinal fortitude like we saw in Stone Cold Steve Austin, who is still unconscious, and quite frankly, needs medical attention right now.

Jim Ross: Boy, that has got to be a tough act to follow, I'll tell you that.

[At the start of the Undertaker/Sid title match. Bret Hart makes his way to the ring.]

"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels: [doing guest commentary] Oh, Bret very resentful of not being in the main event or being the man. I find that hard to believe. Well he did his best against Steve Austin but just couldn't get it done.

Bret: And go back to the dressing room and find your smile. But whatever you do, stay out of this match!

Shawn: "I'm so scared!"

Bret: [To the Undertaker] And as for you, I just want you to know. That when you slammed that door on my head, you slammed the door on our friendship. And from here on in it's a new set of rules between you and me.

Shawn: Your friendship? Oh I can't remember the last time Bret was anybody's friend.

Bret: [To Sid] And you! You know, and I know, and every single person in this building, all know one thing. Is that the World Wrestling Federation title belt belongs to me! And you are a fraud!

Vince: Well it looks like Bret...

Bret: That belt will never belong to you and you know it and I know it and every single person in this building, whether you're here or outside the TV then, you all know that I am the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be!

[Sid punches Bret]

Vince: Oh! Sycho Sid. Wait a minute!

Shawn: And now you're getting beat up because of your big mouth.

[Sid gives Bret a powerbomb while Shawn Michaels laughs]

Jim: Powerbomb! Bret Hart has experienced the powerbomb one more time! And after that submission match, that's going to put him in a bad way.

Shawn: See? What did I tell ya?

Sycho Sid: [Grabbing the mic] Now you take your whiny little ass out of here!

Road Dogg Jesse James: Well, well, well, the gang's all here. Matter of fact, they're sitting right up there. You know, they call you "hardcore legends." Well, everybody knows that outlaws make legends, so when we're done beating the hell outta you, just what will that make us? Boston, if this is for the weak at heart, please turn your head, Terry Funk.

Rose: You can't win a World Series! My buddy Bucky Dent says hello! You know, I left tickets for Bill Buckner, but he couldn't bend over to pick them up. How 'bout it? They call it "the Curse of the Bambino" right here, the city of losers!

Jim: Easy. King, did you prep Pete Rose?

Jerry: Well, we did have a couple of photos made before the match up (laughs).

Classy Freddie Blassie: Time. No beginning, no end. An infinite procession that humbles our mortality. But there are moments in life that transcend our fate, memories crafted by gods among men that defy time to forget them. These are the moments that echo through the ages, always heard, never to grow old. Born of will, christened with blood, they are testament to the strong, the mighty, the eminent, deities who defy their own mortality to forge an indelible imprint in the annals of time. Like the mythic gods of ancient Greece, they may thrill us, inspire us, at times makes us angry, but they will never let us forget them. Tonight, is their night, their battle, their moment of ultimate sacrifice. For this is their theater, their altar, their chance for divinity. Welcome to WrestleMania, the showcase of the immortals.

Michael Cole: Wait a minute, wait a minute, no!!!

Jerry "The King" Lawler: What?!

Michael: No, Pedigree, Triple H has turned his back on X-Pac, Triple H is putting on Shane.

Jerry: What?!

Michael: Shane McMahon has retained the title. No! What the hell is going on?

Jerry: I don't know.

Howard Finkel: The winner of this bout and still World Wrestling Federation European Champion, Shane McMahon!

Christian: We beat the Hardy Boyz. We beat the Dudley Boyz. We accomplished a life long goal, and that was to win these titles. But not without immense pain. And believe me when I say I’d go through it all again tomorrow if we have to, to keep these things.

Chris Jericho: And I can guarantee that Kirk Angel and Mr Roboto are gonna walk out of this match with bumps and bruises and a t-shirt that reads ‘I visited Anaheim and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and a Y2J beating that I will never eeeeeeeever forget again’.

Jim Ross: Right to Censor, led by Steven Richards, certainly an extremist group from where I sit. They believe people should live their lives in one way: that's the RTC way.

Paul Heyman: Personally, I would appreciate it if you'd use the word "extreme" in a much better context. I don't find them to be extremists, I find them to be hypocrites. They're censors, and even I have never liked a censor that I ever met.

Paul: Why would anyone be proud of coming from the state of Texas?

Jim: What do you mean by that?

Paul: Well, if there was a back door at the Alamo, Texas would be in Mexico.

Jeff Hardy: There's always danger when it comes to the Hardy Boyz because we give it our all every night man, we put our bodies on the line all the time. And TLC matches are very dangerous and you're right, there's alot of elements of danger in these matches and all we got to say is, I mean, I'm going into this match like it's my last.

Jim: [After Stone Cold sided with Vince McMahon] What the hell?!? Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch, I don't believe this! Steve Austin's drinking a damn beer with Mr. McMahon! Stone Cold has sold his soul to Satan himself to win the WWF title! WHY, STEVE? WHY THIS WAY?!?

The Rock: People? The people? The same people who booed the Rock at last year's WrestleMania? The same people who booed the Rock when he sang and gave the concert of a lifetime? The same people who chant "Sell-Out" to the Rock? Oh, the Rock is a sell-out. The Rock has sold out this and every WrestleMania he's ever been in. You see, Coach...you see, Coach, these people hurt me. They hurt the People's Champ, so tonight, the Rock could care less about the people. You see, Coach, the Rock is here for one reason, and one reason only, and that is to fulfill his destiny—fulfill my destiny, and that is to beat Stone Cold Steve Austin right in the middle of the ring at WrestleMania: 1...2...3. This is the Holy Grail, the one thing that the Rock has never done, the one thing I've never done. It consumes me, it eats me alive! Coach, this night, the biggest night of my life, this is everything to the Rock—everything. Oh yeah, for the past two occasions, Stone Cold Steve Austin has beaten the Rock right in the middle of the ring, right in the middle of that ring, 1 2 3, he's beaten the Rock. But if there's one thing that Hollywood has taught me, that's Act 1 and Act 2, they don't matter. The only thing that matters, everyone remembers Act 3. The end, the climax, the grand finale, this is the last chapter to the greatest rivalry this industry has ever seen. When Stone Cold Steve Austin goes one-on-one with the Jabroni-beatin', l-l-l-l-ow! pie-eatin', not afraid to sweat, not afraid to bleed, gonna beat that bald-headed bastard, guaran-damn-teed! And then, Coach, the Rock would have done it all. Finally... finally.

Jerry: [On Booker T] Maybe he's having a flashback to his time behind bars.

Jim: Why don't you get off that horse. You have ridden it to the godda- to the ground King. To the ground!

Jim: And he's falling! [Triple H flops on his back, in an attempt to break the Crossface...]

Jerry: Oh, no!

Jim: The Game countered... [...but it fails, leaving both he and Benoit on the opposite side of the ring] But look... BUT BENOIT DIDN'T LET GO! BENOIT HELD ON LIKE A PIT BULL! BENOIT IS TORTURING THE CHAMPION WITH THE CROSSFACE! WILL TRIPLE H TAP OUT? WILL HE TAP OUT?

Jerry: There's gotta be something that can be done!

Jim: THE TITLE'S ON THE LINE!

Jerry: Something, anything!

Jim: THE TITLE'S ON THE LINE! BENOIT RIPPING AND TEARING... [Triple H finally submits and the crowd erupts]

Jerry: ACK! Oh, no!

Jim: IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER!

Jerry: NO! [Hebner grabs the title and orders Benoit to break the hold, which he does]

Howard Finkel: [as he says this, Benoit lies on his stomach and begins crying] The winner of this bout, and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Benoit!

Jim: THIS SOLD-OUT CROWD AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN HAS ERUPTED! CHRIS BENOIT'S 18-YEAR ODYSSEY HAS BEEN CULMINATED BY WINNING THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE AT WRESTLEMANIA 20!

Jim: Benoit was one step away from winning this Money in the Bank ladder match! One step away, King!

Jerry: But I gotta say, if Benoit didn't do it, if anybody deserved to win this match, Edge did. Edge deserved it. Look at that look of satisfaction on his face.

Jim: Well, I figure 20,193 here in Hollywood that might not agree with you. Edge, in any event, can wrestle the world's heavyweight champion, whomever that may be, anytime he chooses within the next twelve months.

Randy Orton: [to Mean Gene Okerlund] So let me get this right? You get into the Hall of Fame just for holding a mic for 35 years?

"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase: [Eugene is bouncing a basketball backstage] 95, 96, 97, 98... [DiBiase kicks the ball away from Eugene] Ahh, Eugene! So close, but you don't get the money! HAHAHAHAHA! [turns to Booker T, who with Sharmell is preparing for his handicap match with the Boogeyman] Hey Booker, do you want to make a thousand bucks?

Booker T: Hell no, I don't want to make a thousand bucks!

DiBiase: Everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man! HAHAHAHAHA!

Michael: At 15 years old, Rey Mysterio began wrestling in a small church in Mexico. 16 years later, his journey culminates, winning the Championship on the grandest stage of all, WrestleMania!

Tazz: Oh, my God! What a match we've witnessed, Cole! I'll tell you what, major big ups to Kurt Angle and Randy Orton, and congratulations to that man, right there, Rey Mysterio... And you know the late, great Eddie Guerrero, Cole, is looking down upon Rey, and he's so proud of his "amigo", man. God, I'm so happy for Rey, man!

Michael: Rey Mysterio showing tonight, ladies and gentlemen, that if you dream hard enough, and if you work hard enough, and if you bust your ass night in and night out, dreams will indeed come true. Rey Mysterio is the World Heavyweight Champion!

Adamle: Ric, tonight it could all come to an end. A career-threatening match on the biggest stage in sports-entertainment against the guy they call "Mr. WrestleMania", Shawn Michaels. With so much to lose, with a 35-year career perhaps on the line, what's your game plan?

Todd Grisham: Edge, a lot of history could happen tonight at WrestleMania.

Edge: You know, Todd, we saw a career end. We've seen history made tonight already, but more importantly, we'll see history made later on tonight. But I want to set a stage for you. I want to take you back, because I've been thinking back a lot lately, back to when I was a little kid. Back to when I was sitting in the audience at WrestleMania VI. Man, I was so excited. I was watching my hero, Hulk Hogan. I was the biggest Hulkamaniac in Canada. And that day...Hulk Hogan lost. That wasn't the only thing lost that day. See, my innocence was also lost. But it's okay because it's come full circle, it really has. No, people rely on the Undertaker to win at WrestleMania. No matter how pathetic, mundane, or lousy their lives are, they can always count on the Dead Man. But that all changes tonight, it really does. Tonight, they get slapped in the face with a cold, hard dose of reality. There's probably a little kid sitting in that crowd tonight, just like me all those years ago, that believes anything in this world can happen...even 16-0. Tonight...I crush that kid's spirit! I pluck his innocence when I defeat the Undertaker and walk out of WrestleMania the true phenom and still the World Heavyweight Champion.

Jim Ross: [on Punk winning Money in the Bank for the second time.]CM Punk has done it two years in a row.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: Twenty-five Divas... you know... I guess there are more important things in the world than Divas, but ... what are they?

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: [as he makes his way to the ring] Thank you Texas! This is the greatest day in JBL's great life. Months ago, I had a WrestleMania vision, that just as Julius Caesar returned to Rome the conquering hero, I would return to Texas... [raises the Intercontinental Championship belt] ...champion. At a time when, quite frankly Texas, you've got no champions... Texas, you've got no men. You sit around, you drink your little lattes, you do your pilates, looking through the Houston Chronicle trying to find a job... at this point in life you need hope, and along comes your hero, JBL! Tonight, I'm going to give you the treat of someone that grew up in Sweetwater, Texas, John Layfield and became the great JBL. You yourself will probably never improve your lot in life, but at least you can look at me and be proud of the fact that I'm your hero, because today I will give you the most dominant victory in WrestleMania history! I will then hop back on my charter plane, return to the greatest city in the world to my famous wife, New York City, as still... your hero.

Michael: Mysterio wins the Intercontinental Title for the very first time.

Jerry: No, that can't be it.

Jim: And now JBL just might understand how the brave Texans felt at the Alamo. It was a bad day at the office.

Michael: Mysterio ensured the joke was on JBL here tonight. What a WrestleMania moment.

Jerry: I'm in shock.

Michael: So's JBL.

[JBL grabs the microphone and gets up, not sure now of what to say]

JBL: I've got something to say. [The crowd's boos get louder]

Jerry: I can't wait to hear this excuse. Camera flash got in his eyes, maybe?

Jim: Open-mouth disease?

Jerry: This has got to be embarrassing.

JBL: I...I...I... I QUIT!!!

Jim: [about Undertaker slapping his leg] It wasn't for good luck, it was for circulation.

Jim: [after Shawn Michaels kicks out of Undertaker's Tombstone] I just had an out of body experience!!! [the camera focuses on Undertaker's disbelief] The Undertaker's eyes tell a greater story than we could ever.

Jerry: [after Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels] This is what WrestleMania is all about.

Michael: Indeed, sometimes it's hell getting to heaven.

Jim: I feel like we've just seen heaven. What a match.

Jerry: The problem here is Edge and Cena are down and the Big Show is angry.

Jerry: [at Randy Orton's entrance] You know somehow, evil shouldn’t look that good. I mean this guy looks like he is chiseled out of stone and ready to do some serious damage.

Michael: The referee is reinforcing the rules. He reminded Triple H that if he is disqualified or counted out, he loses the Championship.

Jim: Which means Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion, bottom line.

Michael: Will it be Orton’s law or Triple H’s game for the WWE Championship?

Michael Cole: He is the son of WWE Hall of Famer Cowboy Bob Orton. Eighteen months ago, Randy Orton formed Legacy — second and third-generation stars which had a winning pedigree, and win they did, including WWE Title reigns for Randy Orton. But, King, it's only natural as confidence grew for DiBiase and Rhodes that they would want to fly away from the nest, as they are doing here tonight.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: Why is that only natural? Why not keep a cohesive successful unit together? I don't agree with what Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase have done.

Matt Striker: The WWE is about individual achievement, it's about leaving a legacy. The difference with Randy Orton is that this is his destiny and not his legacy.

Jerry: You guys see, does this remind you of anything?

Michael: It reminds me of what Randy Orton does to his opponents.

Jerry: Yeah, these guys are using what they learned from Randy Orton against him now.

Matt: As every good student should.

Jerry: Every good student should turn against their mentor?

Matt: No, every good student should use what they learned.

CM Punk: Over 70,000 weak-minded individuals who think, because they're so hopped up on hallucinogenic drugs, that Rey Mysterio is a superhero. Over 70,000 people that think if they pop a pill or if they take a drink, that somehow their problems will go away, just like they think their superhero, Rey Mysterio will make the monster go away. Except I am not a monster, I am a savior, and I can save Rey Mysterio! I can lead you all to a better place, and I will lead you all by example because I choose to be drug-free! I choose to be better than each and every single one of you! Tonight, Rey Mysterio does not have a choice. I will beat him, he will join my Straight Edge Society, and in doing so, 70,000 people just like you will choose me as their savior, and the Straight Edge Society will live on, one nation under Punk, indivisible, with integrity and sobriety for all.

Jerry: That's scary. That's scary.

Michael: I take it you're rooting for Rey.

Jerry: I don't wanna be in this guy's cult.

Matt: You see two members of the Straight Edge Society, there are countless others across the nation. Live events, wherever we go, people come to be saved by CM Punk.

...

Matt: What would that do to Rey Mysterio? What would that do to Rey Mysterio's family?

Jerry: I don't know, but the names Jim Jones and Charles Manson come to mind.

Matt: As the evening chases away the day, we say bring on the night!

Michael[after Vince introduces his "lumberjacks"] Ladies and gentlemen, that is the Hart family. You see David Hart Smith, Natalya walking in with the rest of the Hart family behind Mr. McMahon. You gotta be kidding me! Look at this!

Matt: This is the same Hart family we saw earlier at WrestleMania after honoring their father Stu Hart, who was inducted into the Hall of Fame. Has Vince bought the Hart family?!

Michael: This is disgusting!

Jerry: I just can't help but think back, last we heard from Vince McMahon last week on Raw when he...his final chilling words, he said, "Bret, no matter what, at WrestleMania, you're screwed." Did he already know?

Michael: Will Mr. McMahon stop at nothing to humiliate this man? Ladies and gentlemen, Bret Hart was one of Mr. McMahon's most important and lucrative superstars. In late 1997, Bret's contract was coming to an end, they couldn't reach an agreement, Bret headed out of the company. What does Mr. McMahon do on one of his last nights here? He screws Bret Hart out of the Championship in Montreal, one of the most controversial events of all time!

Matt: Guys, I gotta tell you – this is genius. I love this.

Jerry: No, this is not genius.

Matt: Yeah, there's Bruce Hart.

Michael: It's evil genius is what it is, Matt.

Matt: Smith Hart, Stu's firstborn son.

Michael: In many ways, this is pathetic.

Matt: Why?

Michael: Because it's pathetic. Because Mr. McMahon cannot let bygones be bygones. For thirteen years this has been going on! Bret Hart came back here to bury the hatchet; he did so with Shawn Michaels, and now this.

...

Bret "Hit Man" Hart: You've all agreed to this? Bruce, you've agreed to this? There's not much I can do about it. What's done is done. There's one thing I know about the Hart family – you all got paid up front, didn't you? Got your money, cashed your checks, put it in the bank? [Everyone nods] Well, there's one thing I learned from the Montreal Screwjob: that's that there's nothing sweeter than a good double-cross. See, the thing here, Vince, is the Hart family – we're stronger than ever and we're united as one tonight. They told me what you were trying to do and we all agreed ahead of time. We all know about your little tricks, but tonight, this your greatest creation of them all, WrestleMania, it's gonna be forever remembered as the night that Bret screwed Vince!

Michael: [after Shawn Michaels mocks the Undertaker's signal for the Tombstone Piledriver, he slaps him] Well, if Shawn Michaels is going out, he's going out as defiant as ever.

Jerry: [in his anger, the Undertaker picks up Michaels and turns him upside down] That look of disbelief on the face of the Undertaker has turned into a look of rage! [Undertaker hits the Tombstone] ACK!

The Rock: Finally, the Rock has come back to Atlanta! And finally, the Rock has come back to WrestleMania! The Rock promises that this will be the most memorable WrestleMania of all time. The electricity is in the air! It's all around us! Can you FEEL it? Can you TASTE it?! Can you SMELL it?!? [The crowd reacts to every sentence he says. When he is done, the crowd chants "Rocky".] We are making history - right now we're making history, so we're gonna do something special. Atlanta, we're gonna have some fun. [the crowd reacts] When the Rock says "Wrestle", the people will say "Mania". Wrestle...

Crowd: [responding] Mania...

The Rock: Wrestle...

Crowd: Mania...

The Rock: Wrestle...

Crowd: Mania!

The Rock: And to all the WWE Super... the Rock is getting goosebumps, Good Lord almighty! And to all the WWE Superstars, past and present, and to one WWE Superstar in particular, [referring to John Cena] who right now is in the back trying to decide which rainbow Fruity Pebble T-Shirt he's going to put on tonight... [The Rock signals for some water. Again the crowd chants "Rocky".] Oh, this is gonna get good, this is gonna get good. Before we do this next one, let the Rock take a drink of water. But this ain't any water. This is the People's Water! [The crowd reacts.] When the Rock says "Yabba", the people say "Dabba". Yabba...

Crowd: Dabba...

The Rock: Yabba...

Crowd: Dabba...

The Rock: Yabba...

Crowd: Dabba!

The Rock: And this last one, this last one needs no introduction whatsoever. It's the Rock, the People's Champ. He's never alone. He's with the millions...

Crowd: AND MILLIONS!

The Rock: He's with the millions...

Crowd: AND MILLIONS!

The Rock: ...of the Rock's fans, because this is Wrestlemania, this is the Showcase of the Immortals, and this is hosted by the jabroni beatin', lalalalao! Pie eatin', trail blazin', eyebrow raisin', heart stopping, elbow dropping, electrifying the dirty south, so know your role and shut your mouth, the Brahma Bull, ever defiant, standing as tall as Andre the Giant. This night, WrestleMania, Atlanta, the Georgia Dome, is bigger than Christmas, so no offense, Santa, because The Rock is bringing it all over At-lanta! [The crowd again chants "Rocky"] If you s... [stops] Oh no no no no no NO! No... that catchphrase is the most famous, the most electrifying catchphrase in the world! Men, women, children of all ages, races - they say it. So this is going to be special, because that catchphrase doesn't belong to the Rock, that catchphrase belongs to the people. So, Atlanta, we're gonna do something special, we're gonna electrify the world! Everybody, everybody on your feet! You're already on your feet! So everybody, right now feel the electricity! Assume the position with the Rock, 'cause we're not saying it, we're saying it loud and proud and we're saying it together. [the crowd joins in] IF YOU SMELLLLLL-LALALALAO, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'!

Michael Cole: Look at this man, CM Punk. He is a charismatic figure. The people follow him, and he has one thing to get him through, and that thing is faith.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: He's got about as many followers as you've got Cole Miners.

Michael: Can I have your attention please? Can I have your attention please? There he is, "Good ol' JR", Jim Ross, the man with the second-biggest ego in sports-entertainment. Hey, JR, I like how you're waddling your way down to the ring. Glad you're staying in shape since I took your job. You know who the man is with the biggest ego in the entire world? None other than my opponent tonight, Jerry Lawler. You know, Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross have a lot in common — they're both overweight,...

Crowd: What?!

Michael: [cont'd] They're both overrated,...

Crowd: What?!

Michael: and they're both over the hill! You know, I've been thinking a lot over the past 24 hours about...about this match here tonight, and what I've been thinking about is Jerry Lawler has been in this business about as long as I've been alive, yet tonight is Jerry Lawler's first WrestleMania. And guess what, all you Cole Miners — this is Michael Cole's first WrestleMania. So, ladies and gentlemen, when tonight is over, and this main event is concluded, JR, you're gonna go back to making really bad barbecue sauce; Jerry Lawler, you're gonna be embarrassed and humiliated; and Stone Cold Steve Austin's gonna raise my hand in victory; and then all of you, all over the world, you are gonna proclaim me the new Mr. WrestleMania!

Jerry: When you're as pretty as Michelle McCool, you don't like to be dropped flat on your face.

Jim Ross: When you're as ugly as I am, you don't like to be dropped flat on your face.

Jerry: If anything happened to your face, it'd be an improvement.

Jim: Exactly.

The Rock: [after the WWE Championship match ends in a double count-out] Can I have your attention please? I've just received an e-mail from the anonymous Raw General Manager. [He opens the laptop and begins reading from it a la Michael Cole] And I quote: "As Raw General Manager, I think..." IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! [He tosses the laptop to the floor and enters the ring] The Rock is the host of WrestleMania, and the Rock says there is no way WrestleMania is over! The Rock says this match must restart right now! No disqualification, no count-out, no time limit, no doubt about it, no cryin' to your mama, no way on God's green earth under God's hot sun in this beautiful Georgia Dome will this match end like that! So you can take your double count-out, take your little computer, take your awesome, take your Fruity Pebbles, roll them all up in a ball, turn them sumbitches sideways, and stick 'em straight up your candy-ass! It is time to give the people what they want!

Matt Striker: We are now just moments away. As the guest referee inside Hell in a Cell, you must be filled with conflicted emotions. Shawn, your thoughts?

"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels: This match is the end of an era. Something's coming to an end. It's either the end of the Streak, which means the end of the Undertaker, or it's the end of the Game, which means he couldn't do what I couldn't do. Facing the Undertaker ended my career. Isn't it ironic that I hold the power in the palm of my hand to end an era?

[During the epic Hell in a Cell match]

Triple H : [To referee Shawn Michaels]: YOU END IT OR I WILL!

The Undertaker: [To Shawn Michaels:] Do Not stop this fight...DO NOT!

[Later in the match, Triple H grabs a Sledgehammer from outside the ring, but Shawn Michaels throws it away]

Triple H: You end it Shawn or I will.

Shawn Michaels: You know he ain't gonna quit.

Triple H: I don't care. You end it or I will. You wanna show compassion? I'm not.

Shawn: You know he ain't gonna stop.

Triple H: I don't care Shawn. I'm ending this one way or another. You End it or I will.

Jim Ross: I tell you, in four decades of sitting at ringside, I can honestly say I have never ever witnessed anything like what we have just seen.

Michael Cole: The Undertaker is 20-0 at WrestleMania!

Jim: [as the Undertaker tries to get up] Look at the Undertaker's back; he's just fighting to get back up. The era has ended, we will never see it again, and what a way to go.

[As Shawn, Triple H and Undertaker hug at the top of the ramp]

Jim: A standing ovation from 78,363, and a moment that will live in infamy in WWE, an image that we will never replicate, an image that we'll all remember forever.

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: [on the Shield] I've wrestled with the Fabulous Freebirds. What they brought to the house, what they brought to this business was improved by the Horsemen, was perfected, some say, by the NWO. This team right here can do something none of them have ever done at WrestleMania.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: It was pretty impressive. I'm not gonna say they're the greatest thing since sliced bread, I don't know that they're the greatest team in sports-entertainment.

JBL: I don't know if you can name anybody better. Do you believe in the Shield now? If not, you should.

Michael Cole: Well, statistics are on the side of Team Hell No in this match tonight. 53% of defending champions are successful in WrestleMania. And Daniel Bryan will start things off against Dolph Ziggler with the Tag Team Championship up for grabs here tonight at WrestleMania.

Michael: Oh, now this is just sticking it to Daniel Bryan. Remember last year at WrestleMania, and AJ Lee good-luck kissed... [As Dolph turns around, Daniel kicks him upside the head and goes for the pin] Oh God, look out! Daniel Bryan...

JBL: It's over! It's over!

[Referee counts, but Dolph kicks out]

Crowd: [during the World Heavyweight Championship match] WE WANT ZIGGLER!

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Look at this, that is insulting, Daniel Bryan sticking his hand out like that, mocking Triple H. What a disrespectful move.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: JBL, how short is your memory? Have you drinking milk from forgetful cows? Milk of amnesia? Let me tell you something. You realize the last time Daniel Bryan stuck his hand out, Triple H put handcuffs on him.

JBL: He should've, he broke the law.

Jerry: WrestleMania has just turned into YES!leMania!

Michael Cole: The YES! Movement has beaten the Authority!

JBL: History has already been made at WrestleMania! I cannot believe what I have just witnessed. This garden creature just beat the Game.

Jerry: Wrestling the Shield's like being married to Larry King—you know it's gonna be painful, but it's not gonna last long.

Michael: Kofi Kingston[by Cesaro] ...lobbed over the top rope and he's out. [The referees notice that Kofi's feet are still on the steps] Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa!

JBL: You gotta be kidding me!

Jerry: His feet didn't hit the floor.

Michael: Kofi's feet did not hit the floor. [Kofi scoots onto the steps and re-enters the ring] That is incredible! That is incredible!

JBL: I love this young guy!

Michael: Uppercut by Cesaro again. [Cesaro picks up the Big Show] LOOK AT THE POWER!

JBL: No way!

Michael: YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! [Cesaro dumps the Big Show out of the ring, winning the match] CESARO WINS THE BATTLE ROYAL!

Jerry: OH MY GOD!

JBL: The Swiss Superman!

Lilian Garcia: The winner of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Cesaro!

Michael: Cesaro has his WrestleMania Moment.

Michael: John, would a victory tonight for Brock Lesnar be the greatest conquer of his career?

JBL: Absolutely. 3-time WWE Champion; IWGP Champion; his third UFC fight, he won the Heavyweight Championship; in his fourth UFC fight, UFC 100, he unified the Heavyweight Championship, National Champion 2000; 2008 Sports Illustrated Newcomer of the Year; all of that pales in comparison if Brock Lesnar ends the Streak tonight.

Jerry: You know what else would be worse than awful if Brock Lesnar ends the Streak? It would probably submit that walrus Paul Heyman's legacy as possibly the greatest strategist, possibly the best manager ever.

JBL: I disagree. Right now, he is arguably the greatest manager. I say you take off any of those caveats, he becomes the greatest manager of all time if he leads the Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar, to victory tonight.

Jerry: That's what I was saying. The big word is "if".

[During the Undertaker/Brock Lesnar match]

Paul Heyman: [to Brock Lensar] This is your destiny. You hear me?! THIS is YOUR destiny! This is what you worked for! This is what you trained for! This is your moment! Not his, yours! ALL YOURS! 21-1...and you are the one! Are you going to let him deprive you of this?! He's taking this away from you! You are Brock Lesnar! You're a conqueror! You're a beast!

Michael: Going for a triple! [Lensar hits the F-5] A third F-5 on the Undertaker! Brock Lesnar into the cover! Hooks the leg! [Chad Patton counts to three] The Streak is over.

Heyman: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! [With the arena in shock, Heyman rushes to Lesnar] You did it! You did it! You did it! You beat him, Brock! You conquered the Streak! Brock, you did it! You did it!

Justin Roberts: [a little bit shocked, just like everyone else in the arena or stadium] Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match: Brock Lesnar.

[Lesnar and Heyman leave the ring]

Jerry: I'm speechless.

JBL: So are 75,000 people here.

Michael: The Undertaker's mortal.

JBL: I was hoping I wouldn't see it.

Michael: I honestly thought I'd never see it.

JBL: I guess fairytales do end.

Michael: Brock Lesnar just cemented his legacy as one of the greatest performers in WWE history.

Paul: 21-1!

Jerry: Guys, you still gotta admit, the man who has cemented his legacy is the Undertaker. The longest-running streak, 21 straight victories at WrestleMania. That will never, never ever be duplicated.

JBL: The king of the jungle is now Brock Lesnar, and the greatest manager of all time is Paul Heyman.

Jerry: Heyman vowed that he and Brock Lesnar would end the Streak. They did.

L.L. Cool J: The world has become a lot smaller. We've all been connected. From the dawn of the radio, to the golden age of television. From Silicon Valley to the internet and beyond. A shared photo, a viral video, a thought for the whole world to read in the span of 140 characters, entertainment has evolved. The mediums have changed. But the one thing that has remained the same. The one constant. The one universal similarity...is us. Me. You. Us here. The human connection. The feeling you get when you're surrounding by a sea of strangers, but somehow you feel like you know them all. It's that instant you realize you have something in common. That moment, that emotion, that split second when you say, man that was awesome. Decades ago, the world saw the irrestible force meet the immovable object, and millions overcame the impossible as one. We saw a boyhood dream become reality, and together, we cried tears of joy. We saw the passing of the torch, as one generation christened the next, and that generation created a once in a lifetime event. All these things, these indoubtable moments, these benchmarks that shape our history at the core do one thing...they connect us. Tonight, these men, these women, these athletes, these larger than life superstars, will take the biggest stage in live entertainment, to once again inspire us, move us, shape us. They will..connect us. Tonight, the world will be watching. This is WrestleMania.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: [introduces Triple H before his match between Sting] WrestleMania. Judgment Day is here. It's time to play the Game.

[After Ronda Rousey aids The Rock in laying out both Triple H and Stephanie McMahon in the ring]

The Rock: Now that right there, that is called being owned!

Brock Lesnar: [to Roman Reigns] Suplex City, bitch!

Michael Cole: [as Lesnar holds Reigns up for a fourth F-5] Lesnar... [Lesnar hits it and rolls away] F-5! A vicious F-5! Who can capitalize?

Jerry "The King" Lawler: Heyman's screaming, "cover him, cover him!"

Michael: Turning point of the match!

[Seth Rollins' music blares out and the crowd reacts]

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: What the hell?

Michael: What on earth?

[Seth Rollins sprints to the ring, his Money in the Bank briefcase (containing a contract to wrestle for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship) in hand]

JBL: This is brilliant!

Michael: Seth Rollins!

JBL: This is brilliant!

Michael: Mr. Money in the Bank! [Seth slides into the ring] What the hell? [Rollins hands the briefcase to referee Mike Chioda, and tells Chioda he is cashing in his contract immediately]

Stephanie McMahon: [introducing Triple H] Rise at the presence of the Authority & show your respect. You are merely the blind sheep who follow. You exist to serve us. We are the providers and the protectors. We are the leaders, the chiefs, and the generals. We are the absolute power. WE OWN YOU! You are mere barrels of humanity hanging onto the empty notion of hope - hope for a savior. Hope that someone or something will take away the pain. That is your pathetic lives. Well hope will pulverize at the hands of reality and tonight will be no different because after tonight, all hope will be gone! Because there can be only one who stands in this - the coliseum of the immortals as the Undisputed champion. Only one who takes the breath of his opponents with barbaric fortitude. Only one who wears the sharpened crown. Now bow down and grovel at his feet. He is the King. The King of Kings. The Cerebral Assassin. The Game - TRIPLE H!!!!

Cole: That could've been a disqualification - [suddenly, Reigns strikes Triple H with the Superman Punch] oh, SUPERMAN PUNCH! [Triple H, reeling, slowly gets up, only to be met by another Superman Punch] Another one by Reigns! [Reigns howls and bounces off the ropes, as Triple H reaches his feet. He attempts to hit Reigns with the butt of the sledgehammer, but Reigns ducks, avoiding the blow] Missed with the sledgehammer! [Reigns hits the Spear] SPEAR! SPEAR BY REIGNS! Cover; hooks the leg! [The referee counts three] REIGNS IS THE CHAMPION! REIGNS IS THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

Lilian Garcia: Here is your winner, and the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Roman Reigns!

Cole: It is the renaissance of the Roman Empire! And it's left the Authority in shambles!

Big E Langston: Ladies and gentlemen, as your WrestleMania hosts, we must inform you that we have just received word... [the audience reacts] ...that this ladder match has now become a Fatal Four-Way!

Xavier Woods: Which means that there is one more team involved in this match.

Kofi Kingston: Now... I wonder who this fourth team... could possibly be.

Audience: WHO? WHO? WHO?

[The New Day slowly begin to step toward the ring when, all of a sudden, another team's familiar music plays. The New Day abruptly step back as:]

Corey Graves: WHAT?!

Michael Cole: OH MY!

Bryon Saxton: You've gotta be kidding me!

[The Hardy Boyz enter the arena]

Michael: Things are about to be broken! Team Extreme is back! Matt and Jeff! The Hardy Boyz are here!

[After John Cena and Nikki Bella defeat The Miz & Maryse in a Mixed Tag Team Match]

John Cena: This... this is what you wanted over a year ago. You broke your neck and you did everything you could to come back, because you wanted a WrestleMania moment. I'm so very proud of you, but I can remember right before you were ready to go into surgery, I told you there'd be a time where you'd be a little bit loopy and I could ask you anything I wanted. And you would give me an honest answer and you wouldn't remember what we talked about. And for a year and a half, not a week went by where you asked me continuously: "Well, what happened? What happened?" And I promised I would tell you when the time was right. The time is right. Right as they were wheeling you into the O.R., you were glassy, and in and out, and in my last chance - at the very last second - I said "Stop." And I leaned in and I whispered, "Can you hear me?" And you said, "Yes." And I said, "Well, I only have one question." You said, "What is it?" And I said, "Do you know one day I'm gonna marry you?" [The crowd in Orlando erupts in cheers] And you said, "Yes." [sighs, knowing full well the magnitude of what he's about to do, and then continues:] I just need you to say "Yes" one more time. [The crowd erupts again as Cena pulls out a Tiffany Engagement Ring and gets down on one knee. He breaks character and shoots the following:] I have been waiting so long to ask you this: Stephanie Nicole Garcia-Colace... [offers the ring to Bella] ...will you marry me? [Nikki Bella nods "yes"; and both she and Cena embrace in a long hug]

J.R.: And a huge Spear [Reigns covers the Undertaker] into the heart of the Undertaker, [the referee counts three] and Roman Reigns has defeated the Undertaker at WrestleMania with a thunderous Spear!

JoJo: Here is your winner: Roman Reigns!

J.R.: My God, what a physical matchup!

Michael: I believe, the greatest win of Roman Reigns' career.

JBL: It is the greatest win of Roman Reigns' career 20 years from now, 100 years from now! He just defeated the Undertaker, who... the Undertaker emptied everything in his arsenal; maybe everything in his soul.