WHAT is the motivation behind the Janet story-line on East- Enders? To enlighten us about Down's Syndrome, or simply to cynically crank up the misery?

You wouldn't mind soaps dealing with sensitive issues if they had the ability to do them justice. But the writing and acting here is so poor it makes Crossroads seem like Chekov. "It's real life," the Beeb protests. Of course!

That's why Walford is the only part of East London without a mosque or a single East European immigrant. Why distant relatives lay on surprise weddings, Londoners with nae Scottish heritage wear kilts, and grown men faint at the sight of their baby being born.

Untouched by reality, the writers sit around sipping their mochas and doodling on their Guardians trying to dream up some fresh Big Agony to inflict on the residents: "AIDS, addiction, alcoholism, murder, rape, incest...we've done all that. What next?" I'd send in suicide bombers.