[Photo: courtesy of Starbucks]

Starbucks wants you to suck down 3 days’ worth of sugar in one Tie-Dye Frappuccino

Melissa LockerJuly 10th 2019 12:41 pmJuly 10th 2019

If you go to Starbucks today, brace yourself for a wait. The ubiquitous coffee chain has unleashed a new ultra-Instagrammable summer drink called the Tie-Dye Frappuccino, and it reportedly tastes like banana candy.

Like the Unicorn Frappuccino and the Mermaid Frappuccino before it, this yellow-pink-blue glittery drink (overpriced Icee? liquid dessert? artificially flavored smoothie?) will only be available for a limited amount of time—around five days or as long as the assorted powders or witchcraft required to make the exuberantly colored beverage lasts.

While the allure of a limited-time drink is understandable, here’s a word of nutrition-based caution: The American Heart Association recommends that the average male human eat no more than nine teaspoons of added sugar (or 150 calories, or 36 grams) per day to stay healthy. Women should cap their daily amount at six teaspoons (or around 100 calories or 25 grams).

In contrast, a venti-sized Tie-Dye frappe has 75 grams of sugar, or three days’ worth, all in one pink-and-purple concoction. Sure, you could skip the glitter-covered whipped cream and cut that down to 71 grams of sugar, or order the relatively spartan tall-sized (read: small) version, but that still has 39 grams of sugar, which is still more than the average human should eat in a single day.

That said: Life is short, the news cycle is exhausting, and you probably need Instagram clicks, so if you’re into banana-candy-flavored things, do what you gotta do.

If you do order one of these sugar bombs, be sure to tip your barista and apologize to the person behind you in line who is just trying to order a goddamn cup of coffee, because the Tie-Dye Frappuccinos are reportedly quite time-consuming to make, the baristas are preemptively freaking out about irate customers, and whoever ends up making your neon banana-flavored drink will silently rain curses down upon your family as they whip up the gaily tropical glitter sugar fest.