The New New Quote Thread

Hopefully the only time someone roasts a Muppeteer in a Toast and Roast segment.
Jarrod Fairclough: I'd like to give a roast to one person, Billy Barkhurst.
Steve Swanson: Really?
JD Hansel: You're really gonna do this publicly?
Jarrod: I am. How that guy ever got Ernie, I don't know. But he never sat right with me, I never liked his Ernie, I much prefer Peter Linz.
Steve: Well, I agree with you there.

Jarrod Fairclough: Now that Kermit and Constantine are the same performer, I think the gag of Constantine trying to do his Kermit impression is gonna wear thin very quickly, because now it actually does sound like Kermit.
Steve Swanson: Yes, it does. I noticed that too.
JD Hansel: On the upside, I am getting used to Kermit's voice. His new voice, I still haven't figured out how to imitate it, but...
Jarrod: I thought the 2 new YT videos were the best he sounded in any sort of video at least. Not the Hollywood Bowl, I think he sounded great in the Hollywood Bowl show.
Steve: Oh, that was the best one, yeah.
Jarrod: But I think these videos were the best he sounded in that medium at least.
JD: Yeah, there's still a little bit of Matt in it, for my taste. Like a little of that Matt Big Bird sound in it.
Jarrod: But I'm okay with that, I think it's fine. I never really thought Steve's Kermit sounded exactly like Jim, it's just something I got used to hearing. And I think I've just gotten used to Matt's Kermit way quicker than a lot of the population have.
JD: Visually he's got it now, I'm very impressed.
Jarrod: Visually he's got it and I think the mannerisms are perfect.
JD: That's the thing, his voice may not be exactly the same, but everything about the speech patterns is actually more like Jim's Kermit than Steve's, but it doesn't feel too much like a Jim impression. It still feels like it flows nicely with recent Kermit the Frog material.
Jarrod: Exactly right. And as long as it still feels like Kermit, I don't care if the voice takes another little while to get perfect.
JD and Steve: Yeah.

GEORGE: I knew I shouldn't have worked out today, now I'm gonna be sweatin' all through the meeting.JERRY: So what? You took a shower.GEORGE: Nah, it wouldn't take. I can feel it, I'm like a human heat pump.KRAMER: You ought to take cold showers.GEORGE: Cold showers? They're for psychotics.KRAMER: Well, I take 'em.GEORGE: (Blank stare)

And, from the same episode:

ELAINE: Hey, do you know that blonde guy who's always on the exercycle at the health club?JERRY: No, I don't think so.ELAINE: No, you know, he's just really, really handsome, with--JERRY: Elaine . . . I wouldn't know.ELAINE: You can't find beauty in a man?JERRY: No. I find them repugnent, and unappealing.KRAMER: (Enters)JERRY: To wit.

Razor: Do you want the good tea or the bad tea?
Bill: What's the difference?
Razor: I call one good, one bad.
Bill: Er, I'll take the good one.
Razor: Excellent. Positive attitude. Will help with the horror to come.
Bill: What horror?
Razor: Mainly the tea.

Miss Muriel P Finster: I'd call you a pack of wild animals, but even wild animals don't throw food. Except for monkeys. But you're not monkeys, are you? No, you're children, children who act like monkeys.

Since apparently today is the first day to start filing taxes, I figured this was most appropos. And it's interesting to think that even in the 70s, SANFORD AND SON had it all figured out:

FRED: I'm tired of payin' taxes. Let me ask you somethin', what do we pay the government that money for anyway?LAMONT: What for? For defense, Pop. For security.FRED: Defense and security? You seen the soldiers around here? We were robbed twice last year, now where were the soldiers?LAMONT: Come on, Pop. Your tax dollars also goes to poverty pockets.FRED: And it comes from poverty pockets, and winds up in a lot of rich ones.

WILBUR: Give me a push, Orville!ORVILLE: You got to fly it last time!WILBUR: That wasn't a real turn!ORVILLE: Oh forget it! If you won't take turns, then everyone can just ride the train for the next century!IGOR: I am just saying, why is it "Frankenstein's Monster"? I do just as much work as you.FRANKENSTEIN: I did not spend 150,000 marks and four years in medical school to share credit with a lab assistant!JELLY: It should be jelly and peanut butter. Alphabetical order.PEANUT BUTTER: Eh, keep a lid on it. Without me, you'd be getting moldy with that jar of borscht on the bottom shelf!