Arriving unannounced at Pemberley after his marriage falls apart, Mr. Darcy’s best mate from uni guilts “D-Bag” into painting the town red for old time’s sake. Properly humbled by a pounding headache—courtesy of the pub’s promotional farthing-ale night and a wayward dart to the temple—Mr. Darcy never gets around to that second proposal of marriage to “E-Bone.”

Sends Holden Caulfield running right back to Pencey Prep by breaking his balls with a “Hey, kid, ya huntin’ wabbits? It’s a little early for duck season!” when he sees Caulfield walking down the street in his red hunting cap.

Prevents the First World War from ever happening by protecting his boss, and saves many a life and readers from countless war-horny writers. Also, not to be overlooked, leaves Jake Barnes with way more time to go fishing.

Connects the round, bespectacled eyes on Dr. T. J. Eckleburg’s billboard to form a large, spray-painted phallus. Distracts a bunch of motorists, including Daisy Buchanan, who straight-up whiffs on Myrtle Wilson—before pulling a U-turn.