Tag: Authenticity

I’m so appreciative that I am flexible enough to bend or break at my own whim. There’s freedom in knowing that ultimately, the choice is mine.

It’s difficult, at first, when there’s no one left to blame but yourself; when you shoulder the responsibility of how you feel, when you stop giving the power of your experience to others through blame. But the difficulty will fade quickly if you allow yourself to dwell on the thrill and excitement of being The One With Whom The Buck Stops.

There’s a little discomfort when you realize that it wasn’t your parents, after all. It wasn’t your bosses or your teachers or your spouse or your kids… it was you, me, ourselves, all along.

Granted, when we’re kids, our parents are (or should be) responsible for us, but there comes a time when, once we’ve learned this information, or once we become adults in our own right, the burden shifts from them to us. That can be a bitter pill to swallow, when you don’t figure this shit out until you’ve reached your mid-30’s!

But I know folks in their 60’s who haven’t figured it out yet, so I’m not upset. I’m grateful to have been blessed with (hopefully) many years of rectifying my mindset, and playing the game as it was meant to be played.

I’m wearing a shirt I bought about two years ago and took the tags off of last Friday. It’s buttoned closed, and I feel good.

Have I mentioned yet how awesome I feel?

I feel great. And I’m not sorry for it. I’m not sorry that I feel amazing. I’m not sorry to tell you that I’ve lost 10 pounds (I believe that’s ‘nearly a stone’ across the pond) in the past few weeks without trying. I’m not sorry to say that I have a husband that is so absolutely amazing that I sometimes can’t believe he’s human. Really. It’s just not normal to be that zen in your love for someone… is it?

He sees me at my absolute worst and doesn’t love me ‘in spite of it’… he just loves me. He doesn’t stand there thinking how horrible I’m being, he’s thinking ‘how can I help the woman I love, who is so obviously hurting?‘. It’s just not normal, I tell you… the man is my friggin’ rock.

I’m not sorry to shout to the rooftops that I’m happy. I’m thrilled beyond measure with my life. I’m not sorry that I dislike listening to people complain these days. I’m not sorry that one minute I’m annoyed, and the next minute I’ve figured out how to love you for whatever you’re doing or did, and love myself for not liking whatever you did or didn’t do.

I’m not sorry that I make people acutely aware of their own alignment with their Higher Self, or lack thereof. I’m not sorry that I sometimes don’t recognize my own inconsistencies, but see yours clearly. I’m not sorry that I am sometimes so unaware of my state of misalignment that I get angry when others point it out, that I sometimes take a little longer to see the truth in another’s observations.

This post was longer, but there was an obvious energy shift (as you can see, I was still feeling a bit defiant while writing this. It was written the same day as my previous post over on SS). What I chose to do was to split the posts into two, because they are so obviously written from two different frequencies!

Life got busy on me for a bit. I hope everyone had a safe, fun-filled holiday (those who enjoyed a holiday this past weekend).

One of the problems with having two blogs where you write about your own life often is that, sometimes you’re not quite sure where to post something. Where it will have the most… impact. I think the topic on my heart today belongs over on SS, so I’m slightly flummoxed (I love that word… gobsmacked is another favorite) as to what to write about here.

Though it appears that I have chosen to write about having nothing to write about… and I’m going to be okay with that. People have started to follow this blog, so I can feel some pressure to please you (the reader), even though, up to this point, each of you followed me for your own reasons, because I haven’t been writing for you, I’ve been writing here for me. It’s been raw, it’s been honest, it’s been frequent… but it’s been for me… but somehow, it’s called to some of you… and if I allow myself to give in to that pressure, to start writing for those who read, versus she who writes, this blog will just become another SS. The Lunatic Twin will get shut back into the attic, and that simply will not do.

I love each one of you… and I am thrilled to pieces you find value in my words, but the greatest value this blog has for me in this moment is the space it holds for me to be me.

If you manage to find your way to this blog, you will probably notice very quickly that it’s pretty quiet and empty.

I don’t get a lot of visitors, because I don’t go out searching for them to draw them in. For my other blog, I search. I send out feelers, in the form of likes and comments, in search of my ‘tribe’, but here, I simply allow my thoughts to exist, to float around in the ether, collecting whatever attention they may on their own.

I allow myself to be more… authentic here. While I generally write in a ‘stream of consciousness’ style in both places, I try to tie things together with some amount of cohesiveness over there on SS. But here, I allow my thoughts to wander onto the page, and dally where they may, with very little point or plot.

I find it both freeing and comforting to know that long after I’m gone, these real, uncensored pieces of myself will continue to float out there in the interwebs, or at least for as long as WordPress exists.

If you do manage to find your way here and wade through my ramblings enough to read these words… namaste. The divine within me greets and honors the divine within you, and when we meet again on the other side, let’s have a laugh over the madness, eh?

Text Widget

This is a text widget. The Text Widget allows you to add text or HTML to your sidebar. You can use a text widget to display text, links, images, HTML, or a combination of these. Edit them in the Widget section of the Customizer.