Review: Game of Thrones SE6 EP8 – No One

Having learned my lesson from last week’s unsub (Forgive me R’hllor), I must warn you that there be SPOILERS ahead in this week’s review of Game of Thrones. A minor character you may or may not have heard of may or may not have died. But that’s all I’m saying…

What stab wounds?

…UNTIL NOW. The Blackfish is dead. Having ducked the Red Wedding and dodging capture for 3 whole seasons, this crafty, proven survivor met death the only way he knew how. Knowingly walking into it following some clumsy exposition. After reading one word of Sansa’s letter and growing a heart all of a sudden, Brynden Tully decided to get himself killed so the scriptwriters could have an easier night’s sleep.

Meanwhile the Crapfish Edmure Tully, during one conversation with Jaime, became a cerebral expert on the human condition overnight. Walking back into Riverrun, Catelyn’s doltish brother somehow convinced the malleable general of the Tully army to open the drawbridge for the Lannisters, thereby defying the man who convinced them to take Riverrun in the first place. You couldn’t make it up.

Arya is okaaaaay, folks. The multiple stab wounds she received to the stomach were cured by a good night’s sleep. Luckily, the elite group of assassins trying to kill her failed to capitalize on this drug-induced coma, as they waited until the broad light of day to chase her through a busy street. Speculation was rife as to how Arya was going to extract herself from this predicament. Theories ranged from concealed bags of pigs blood to Arya herself being the Waif, but in the end it was nothing so directly ripped from Fight Club. Arya simply blew out a candle and killed the Waif off-screen. I would say that this was a disappointing climax but, frankly, this storyline couldn’t end soon enough. Arya bullishly declared that she was returning to Westeros, so hopefully the time warp of the last two seasons holds up and she joins Jon’s army next week.

The Hound’s response to the Brotherhood massacring his peaceful chums was philosophical. If that philosophy was hacking people into chunky fillets. After wiping the guts from his forehead, Sandor bumped into old pal Beric Dondarrion, the resurrection man he fought in a cave a few seasons ago (keep up, folks). it now looks like The Hound will be teaming up with the Brotherhood without Banners while the scriptwriters figure out what to do with him.

Do you have a moment to talk about the Lord of Light?

Meanwhile, at King’s Landing, Tommen was busy being so boring that we started to reflect on Joffrey’s reign with misty eyes. Like Season 2 of The Wire, it took Season 5 of The Wire to make us realise how good we had it. After seeing The Mountain RIP A MAN’S HEAD OFF WITH HIS BARE HANDS, Cersei was disappointed to discover that Tommen abolished trial by combat and that she will have to face a jury of her peers instead. Off-screen, Qyburn sighed and started to resurrect Johnnie Cochran.

This week’s episode of Game of Thrones lurched from one clumsily handled plot to another. The dialogue was clunky, and some of the characterization shot well wide of the mark (Looking at you, Blackfish). Hopefully, the screenwriters were just excited to write Episode 9 and this is just a blip in what has been a fairly solid season so far. Onwards now to the magnificently titled Battle of the Bastards, the season-defining clash of Snows. If it lives up to the hype, we’ll soon forget this episode of Game of Thrones ever happened. 2 axes to the crotch out of 5.