Sharing a Home with Your In-Laws or Parents

As an adult – whether it is due to financial stresses or an aging parent – living with your parents or in-laws can present some unique challenges. There can be several pros and cons to living with family. You can survive living with your in-laws or parents – we promise it’s possible! Below is some information, as well as some tips, to help you make the experience a fun, valuable one.

Pros Living with family can have several benefits for everyone, if handled in the correct way, such as:

Closer familial relationships – Your children will gain a unique and valuable bond with their grandparents, because they will see them every day! This will help them create wonderful, lasting memories.

Help – Having another set of adults in the household can take a burden off your shoulders. In the ideal situation, housework will be split, and you will have more time to enjoy your family.

Monetary benefits – You may find you are able to save a bit of money when you’re living with a set of parents.

Cons Just as there are some pros to living with family, there can also be some cons, such as:

Blurred boundaries – It can be easy for your in-laws or parents to butt into your life when you are all living under the same roof. Be careful, emotions will rise!

Stressed Relationships – In some instances, relationships can become stressful, and may ultimately become irrevocably broken when living under the same roof.

Set Boundaries It is important to have a family meeting to ensure that everyone’s expectations are out on the table, before you move in together. This meeting should include where each member of the family will sleep, and what the expectations are for cleaning, cooking, and monetary contributions for the household. You should also state your expectations regarding your children and their care. Your parents or in-laws may feel it is their place to discipline your child, if this is not something you agree with, make sure it is known. If you are moving in to care for elderly parents or in-laws, make sure everyone understands each other’s needs and desires. Talking openly about all of this should help to limit conflicts.

Set Aside “Me” Time It is important to keep your relationship with your partner intact as you deal with the stress of living with family. Set aside date nights, or ask your parents or in-laws for one night a week for everyone to stay in their respective areas, guaranteeing some uninterrupted alone time.

Stay Out Of Family Arguments It is easy to relapse into the old family routine whenever you move back in with your parents. This may bring up past hurt and issues, which you may not have been aware of before. Stay out of any arguments between your spouse and his or her parents; it can cause additional pain and hurt feelings if you attempt to intervene.

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Have Frequent “Family Meetings” It is important to keep the lines of communication open whenever you are living with family. Have monthly family meetings to go over any concerns, and find a way to address them then. Successful relationships depend on good, open communication.

Even though living with family may just be a temporary fix, it is possible to have a good experience if everyone is willing to work together!

I currently live with my in-laws and I can tell you, it isn’t easy at all. We lived with my parents before that, but it was slightly easier because we didn’t have kids then. Now with a baby, sometimes it’s difficult to find the boundaries. We should have more family meetings, but sometimes the compromises change, or my mom-in-law will decide she wants to change something and when we ask her about it, she’ll just try to justify her actions. It’s stressful at times, but other times, it is rewarding. Our son loves his grandparents and they are great with him. We try not to let the stress of stupid things get to us (like the temperature of the house)- and the fact that we don’t have a ton of space to call our own- but all in all, there are benefits, especially that it is helping us to save money, gives our son a more stable environment and other family to see and interact with and when they’re able (and willing)- gives me and the hubs a chance to have a night out.
It’s definitely not easy, but possible and we’re doing okay. Doesn’t mean I want to stay here forever, but- it definitely isn’t as bad as I feared. lol.

My mother-in -law offered to stay with us for a little while after the baby is born. I am so grateful that she wants to help, but am a little nervous about having her here for a long period of time. As she is not moving in permanently, this article was a bit helpful.

EverydayFamily.com offers general information and is for educational purposes only. This information is not a substitute for professional medical, psychiatric or psychological advice. Nothing on this website should be taken to imply an endorsement of EverydayFamily.com or its partners by any person quoted or mentioned.

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