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Understand Bullying

Yarning about bullying

The cycle of bullying can be hard to break. Yamaji parents and carers whose kids are bullied at school told us they were bullied too. Everyone said they wanted help to stop the bullying cycle from continuing. Many kids get involved in bullying at some time during their lives – they may be bullied themselves, they may bully someone else, or they may see a friend being bullied.

Yamaji wangi

‘Lots of kids doing the bullying are bullied themselves and also have parents who bully or are bullied.'‘Lots of jealousy stems back to the family – it’s just carried on from parents who are feuding.’

What is bullying?

Sometimes people think bullying is only ‘big kids on little kids’ – when an older or bigger kid picks on a younger or smaller kid. It is common for people to call bullying between kids the same age ‘just teasing’ and for them to think this is not really bullying.

Yamaji wangi

‘Bullying is big kids on little kids’.‘Bullying means picking on someone for fun’.‘Bullying starts as teasing and leads to more serious bullying’.

Bullying is when a person or group of people deliberately uses their power over another person again and again to make that person feel upset, angry or afraid.

Deliberate – The person or group doing the bullying does so on purpose.

Repeated – The person or group doing the bullying does so regularly (again and again).

More powerful – The person or group doing the bullying is more physical or popular (more friends or influence on other kids) and uses this to frighten or upset the person being bullied.

Mean – The person or group doing the bullying wants to hurt or upset the person being bullied.

Things to think about

Bullying often begins when a person is ‘picked on’ by another person or by a group of people. The person being picked on can’t stop the bullying from happening; often there is nobody around to help or the person being bullied is afraid to tell anyone.

One way to stop bullying is to help the kids doing the bullying to understand how much bullying hurts.

When kids who bully know that someone will stop them if they are seen bullying, they are more likely to stop.

Some Yamaji kids referred to bullying as teasing or terrorising.

Bullying can range from teasing to name-calling, from carrying yarns to threats of intimidation or actual physical aggression. What is considered teasing by one kid might be considered intimidation by another kid. The actions and effects of bullying can vary from kid to kid.

Yamaji wangi

‘Bullying just happens at school because that is where our kids are … it is a meeting place.’

Bullying mostly happens when kids hang out together. It can happen at school; it can also happen after school when kids hang out or are on their way home. Sometimes bullying happens in the classroom but there it is usually the verbal kind, such as saying mean or hurtful things, making faces at someone, or making nasty and sarcastic comments.

Types of bullying

Bullying is when the following things are done again and again to someone who can’t stop it from happening.

carrying yarns through chat rooms, by email, by SMS and MMS, or on Twitter

posting insulting messages in chat rooms and on social network sites

Being picked on

Being picked on is part of being bullied. Sometimes it’s hard to work out why kids pick on other kids. It could be because:

someone is thought to be winyarn

someone is in the wrong place at the wrong time

someone is different (taller, fatter, darker or lighter skinned, smarter, weaker or slower)

someone seems easy to frighten or upset

someone is smaller or younger

Asking for help

About half of all kids who are bullied don’t tell anyone. Kids often think that talking about bullying is ‘dobbing’.

Tell your kids that asking for help when they need it is not ‘dobbing’. ‘Dobbing’ is when a person is trying to get attention or get someone else into trouble.

Yamaji wangi

‘Our kids don’t usually tell anyone about bullying because they think no one can or will help.’

Most bullying is not reported because kids:

don’t think it is bullying

don’t want to be seen as winyarn

think they will get picked on more

don’t know who to talk to

don’t know how to get help

think telling someone about it won’t help

think it is embarrassing to admit you are being bullied

think nothing can be done to make it stop

‘Asking for help’ is when someone feels a situation is out of their control or they are unable to deal with it alone. When someone is asking for help they are trying to protect themselves or someone else. Asking for help is always okay.

Looking out for bullying

We all hope our kids will tell us as soon as there is a bullying issue. But this doesn’t always happen. Just because they don’t tell us about it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. We have to watch out for the signs of bullying.

What do I look for?

We all hope our kids will tell us as soon as there is a bullying issue. But this doesn’t always happen. Just because they don’t tell us about it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. We have to watch out for the signs of bullying.

The following list shows common signs of bullying: (please note that most kids show these behaviours at times, but it may be a sign of bullying if they are happening often)

Bystanders are people who see, support or know the bullying is going on. Bystanders can be:

the friends of the person bullying

the friends of the person being bullied

kids who see the bullying happening

kids who know about the bullying

Kids who bully feel powerful when one or more bystanders give them attention. Kids tell us they don’t like seeing bullying happen. If your kid/s see or know about bullying it is really important they tell someone.

Bystanders may act in many different ways. A bystander might:

watch what is going on and not get involved

pretend not to see and ignore the situation

choose to get involved in the bullying

choose to get involved and stop the bullying

choose to get help

Bystanders can either increase or decrease bullying by their actions. Many kids don’t know how to help the person being bullied.

Why does bullying happen?

Many kids get involved in bullying at some time during their lives – they may be bullied themselves, they may bully someone else, or they may see a friend being bullied.

Yamaji wangi

‘Lots of kids doing the bullying are bullied themselves … and also have parents who bully or are bullied.’‘Lots of jealousy stems back to the family – it’s carried on from parents who are feuding.’

Kids are bullied for lots of reasons. Sometimes they’re bullied because they are different, or because they’re clever or popular or simply because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Bullying often comes from a belief that it is okay to act that way. Sometimes there can be issues between families. Kids who bully often need to feel powerful and seem to enjoy inflicting harm on others. They have very little understanding of the feelings of the person they bully.

The main reasons some kids might bully are:

aggressive behaviour at home and in the community (Kids who have people around them who bully are more likely to copy this behaviour.)

harsh physical punishment at home (Kids can bully smaller, weaker kids to copy what happens to them at home.)

friends that bully v(Kids may follow their friends if they bully. They may feel they have to bully to fit in with the group.)

not enough supervision (Kids who do not have enough supervision may get the idea it is all right to use bullying behaviour to get what you want. Kids need to be taught that bullying is never acceptable behaviour.)

the behaviour works for them (When adults give in to kids who use their power, aggression or bad behaviour to get what they want, the kid learns to use this type of behaviour to get what they want from their friends.)

‘To get in first’ (Some kids feel they need to let others know they are the boss. They feel if they use their power to show other kids that they are strong it will discourage other kids from bullying them.)

getting attention (These kids use negative behaviour to attract attention. This behaviour makes them feel powerful and noticed by adults and their friends.)

Why most kids don’t bully others?

They have good social (friend) skills – they can make friends and be happy without bullying

They think bullying is wrong

They don’t feel they need to bully – they are kids who feel good about themselves and usually enjoy school

They are too busy to think about it – they are kids involved in lots of activities like sport, drama, art etc

They have strong, supportive friendships groups

They believe that bullying isn’t worth it – they know they will get into trouble at home and/or at school and/or their bullying will make them look bad to friends, family or their teachers

They understand how bad it can make someone feel – they have empathy

Why is bullying harmful?

Bullying can make kids feel lonely, unhappy and frightened. Kids say seeing bullying happen at school makes them feel worried and uncomfortable. Kids who bully others are also more likely to be unhappy. Bullying really isn’t good for anyone.

Students who are bullied:

feel unhappier at school

see school as an unsafe place

feel lonely

want to stay away from school

are more likely to have a criminal conviction by age 24

are more likely to be violent

are more likely to wag school, use graffiti and/or shoplift

are more likely to have mental health issues like depression or anxiety

have higher levels of depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts to harm themself