life in all its glory

On my birthday, I got a late night text wishing me a happy birthday from a random number. I replied by saying thank you and asked who it was.

It was Mr. Calm and Collected!! Can you all believe it?!

We sent a grand total of two texts to each other. A day or so later I said:

Okay, random question and I’m only asking you because it’s totally irrelevant now lol. I’m just curious. Were you even into me?

I had already told him that I was seeing somebody which was why it was completely irrelevant. I reallyyyy wanted to know though because I could never really tell. His response:

Mentally yes, physically 50/50. I liked your background, love for soccer, your smile and how it easy it was to talk with you. But I didn’t feel it from your end, which is why I never tried to pursue you.

Wait…WHAT?! He couldn’t feel it from my end? I was the one that reached out to him a couple of times about us going out a third time.

He’s the one that didn’t show anything towards me. That fucker. LOL

And how is somebody attracted to somebody else 50/50? Like, oh…i’m kinda sorta attracted to you.

Well, I think I’ve made you all wait long enough. It’s time I write about my current guy. I originally met him nearly two years ago. The first time we met, we went out a couple of times then he disappeared. Then a few months later be hit me back up and we started seeing each other again for a couple of months…soon after, he disappeared. The first time he disappeared because he got sick and we had just started seeing each other so he didn’t want to burden me with anything. The second time…it’s because he was so obsessed with work he couldn’t really handle a relationship. After he lost his job a few months ago, he had a bit of a life changing experience. He reevaluated his priorities and has come to the realization that everything doesn’t need to revolve around work.

After that second time (which was around December of 2011) I obviously wasn’t going to make any effort. Last week, I get a message from him on okc. I responded of course. It’s been wonderful ever since.

We hung out on my birthday last Friday and he told me about all his feelings for me. It was quite intense but I loved every minute of it. He made it very clear that he wants to be with me and won’t be disappearing on me. He’s here to stay this time around.

He’s so attentive, he’s always telling me how beautiful I am. When we’re together he makes it a point to always touch me whether its my leg when we’re sitting or holding my hand or putting his hand on my back. He also makes it known that he wants to see me.

I’m a pretty high strung person. I get anxiety over stupid shit and my OCD kicks in pretty often but when I’m with him…he calms me and it’s such an incredible feeling.

I had really strong feelings for him when we were seeing each other last time and as soon as I saw him again those feelings rushed back as if he never left.

Yes, he doesn’t have a great track record but I don’t care. I’m not going to live in fear that something bad may happen. He apologized for all that happened and said he wasn’t going to leave again. As of right now, I believe it. I’m going to go along with it and see where this path leads me. I’m looking forward to every minute of it.

Disclaimer: I will be talking about my stance on religion. I will always respect whatever religion (or not) you follow, I ask that you do the same for me. Please do not attack my beliefs in any sort of way (which essentially means, don’t try and convince me that I’m wrong).

So, I had my date with Mr. Linguist on Friday. We had a bit of a rough start. We were supposed to meet at 6 but I had some crazy work shit to deal with so I got held back later than expected. I sent him a text half an hour before we were supposed to meet to let him know I was going to be about 10 minutes late. I hate being late but I tried my best to be there as quick as possible and apologizing to him as well. When I was about 10 minutes away, he asked me how far away I was and I told him my GPS said 12 minutes. He said he had to make a pit stop somewhere but he would be there soon. That “pit stop” lasted what seemed like forever. He didn’t get there until practically 7pm. We were supposed to meet for drinks, that was WAY past my dinner time. I was hungry. But whatever, he apologized for being so late. Something about his dad holding him up (why he decided to pay his dad a visit when he was about to meet me is just mind boggling).

When he finally got there, we hit it off really well. Not sure if the physical attraction was there but he was really nice! His sarcasm was reallyyyyy intense. I consider myself to be a sarcastic person but DAMN! I even had a hard time keeping up at times.

The date was going really well until that ever-so-dreaded topic of religion came up. I told him I’d rather not talk about it but he insisted that we do. He wasn’t being a dick about it…just playfully brought it up.

That’s when the things just went a little sour. Not in a “we’re just going to give attitude to each other” but more so in a “we know it’s not going to work out between us.”

I guess I need to learn how to better explain myself when it comes to religion. I grew up catholic and I told him I identify myself as Catholic but I’m not practicing (it wasn’t always this way, I’ve changed my views on religion within the past few years). Maybe that was misleading on my part? I don’t know. I believe in some sort of higher being but I don’t believe in prayer. Because, in my experiences…it doesn’t work. I believe that if God had soooo much control over everything…certain things wouldn’t be the way that they are. He corrected me and said I’m “culturally catholic.” I’m not too sure what that means…but whatevs. I know I have some issues with religion that I need to get sorted out but I’m not ready to deal with all of that just yet.

When I tried explaining this to Mr. Linguist, he started defending his side. Basically started to tell me how I was wrong. I mean, I get it…he’s very into his religion. I used to be the same way.

I tried telling him again that I really felt we shouldn’t be talking about religion but he insisted, once again.

For the remainder of the date, he would “joke” by saying things like “oh let’s pray about it.” I mean, I think he was joking…cause he’d laugh about it. But if I just told you I don’t believe in prayer or anything like that…why continue bringing it up? Even if it’s just a “joke.” After we talked about my stance on religion, I told him that it would be completely understandable if it was a deal breaker for him and wouldn’t hold it against him. He said something along the lines of: it would make him a judgmental person if that was a deal breaker for him.

I didn’t reach out to him and he didn’t reach out to me after the date. I think that’s done and over with. I guess in a sense it’s good that we talked about it because it could have eventually caused drama in the future.

Mr. Linguist and I were supposed to go out yesterday but that didn’t happen. When we planned it happened sorta like this: “Hey, let’s meet up next monday” “yeah, that’ll be wonderful!” That was it. Nothing else was decided. All of last week (until Friday) we were talking every day, throughout the day. Then come Friday morning, I stop hearing from him. We had only been emailing up until then, no phone numbers were exchanged. When Monday rolls around and I hadn’t heard from him practically all day…I kinda assume we’re not meeting up anymore. Right around 4pm he emails me saying “did you ever give me your phone number?” uhhh…no, no i didn’t. You never asked me for it. I gave it to him and he texts me like 10 minutes later and asks if I was ready for tonight. WAIT, WHAT?!

Was it wrong of me to assume we were no longer going out?? I told him since I hadn’t heard from him, I thought we weren’t going out and I had made plans. I lied, I totally didn’t. I mean, we were talking EVERY DAY….and I don’t hear from him from Friday morning all the way until Monday evening. Anyways, he said he understood but that he still wanted to see me. He handled it well. We’re meeting up tomorrow night instead.

Mr. Lazy Ass: as expected….that didn’t go anywhere. He said we should talk on the phone later on that night. I didn’t call so obviously it didn’t happen. Haven’t heard from him since.

Mr. Sexual: Oh Mr. Sexual, I kinda want to dedicate a whole post to him….but I’ll just get it all out there now. I broke it off it him. He was actually kinda nice to talk to but he’s just so oblivious to how to talk to women (at least that’s my theory, I could be totally wrong). Turns out, his last relationship ended in 2007. Yes, 6 years ago. Some people have stated that if it’s been too long since his last relationship…it’s a red flag. I don’t know if I agree with that…but it is what it is. Also, it’s been a year since he’s had sex. Our conversation went like this last night:

Him: is that where you’re going? Brazilian BBQ? (I told him I was going out to dinner)

Me: Oh no. those places are expensive!

Him: Oh hahaha. Ok I’ll remember not to take a date there.

Me: wow lol

Him: lol. what? too soon? (p.s. I don’t know what he was referring to here. I don’t know what too soon lol)

Me: No comment.

Him: lol. ok. yeah, I’m thrifty. [Pause] Besides why would I go all out on a woman I just met?

Me: so how long do you keep that sort of mentality? Is 3 dates considered somebody you just met? 5 dates? At what point do you splurge on your date?

Him: Depends on how she’s treating me. But I would say 5 to 7 dates and we better have an amazing night of sex.

Yes. Let that sink in. He said: we BETTER have an amazing night of sex. So he feels entitled to sex when he just so happens to splurge on his girl. Also, I’d like to just add a comment that I’m not a gold digger, I don’t choose guys based on their profession. I mean, remember the guy from speed dating? He was a doctor and I didn’t want to pursue anything with him. Anyways, I needed to get to the bottom of this conversation lol. Let me continue:

Me: So what are some places you’d take your date on those first 5 dates?

Him: Jeez, idk. probably a bar or coffee shop on the first. a nice but inexpensive restaurant on the second, shoot pool on the third, museum or wine tasting fourth. but there’s some room for deviation, I’m sure. [long pause] why does it matter anyway where i take a woman or how much i spend on her? Is she going out with me for me or for what she can get outta me? Or is where I take her or the amount I spend on her somehow an entitlement to her love and body?

Me: Whoa. There’s no need to get defensive. I was just curious to know where you’d take somebody on dates

Him: I’m not defensive. I’ve just always wondered. Women get so worked up about where a guy takes them on a date.

Me: I can’t explain why women do what they do. I can only explain why I do what I do.

Him: Dam, I was hping you’d give me some insight.

Me: You seem to think you have it all figured out. Since you think women get all worked up over dates.

Him: well, I just observe general trends based on my experience. I think If i really understood women, I wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated.

And there you have it. He thinks if he understood women he wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated and he would be getting some ass. Yes, that may be true but DAMN! Why is he so focused on sex?!? I mean, I know this is a huge thing for men….but keep it to yourself!! A woman you can potentially see yourself dating should not know this information.

So yeah, I broke things off with him. He’s way too concerned about having sex. Also, he said the only thing he missed about relationships is “sex and the occasional night out.” We then got into a conversation about the good qualities of a relationship and turns out all of his relationships have been all sorts of fucked up. His fault? I don’t know. But something is definitely off with this dude.

the “many” may be a little bit of an exaggeration…but I said I was going to post an update about what’s going on in my dating life (or lack there of).

Here they are:

Mr. Linguist: I have a date with this guy on Monday. Not sure what we’re doing but I know we’re hanging out after class. I was initially into him because his profile listed he speaks 5 languages. I LOVE languages (my goal in life is to learn and master 5, I have 3 so 2 more to go). Anyways, I message him asking him if he really speaks all those languages and he replies with

“No, I’m Not fluent in all of them. My Spanish is pretty strong. I can speak and write and know some clever terms. Chinese is very elementary. I can read Portuguese and get the overall idea of the conversation , but can’t speak very much. The Italian is poor and only consist of travelers words. Ideally I’d like to be able to converse in Portuguese and Chinese-at least that’s the goal.”

First of all, if you have that much of an explanation for languages you supposedly speak, YOU DO NOT SPEAK THEM. Therefore you should be listing them on your profile. Anyways, aside from that…he’s been a nice guy. Except…he has random bad spelling moments. He’ll use “they’re” correctly but wrote “bot,” yes…bot. Instead ofbought.Ugh. He’s into getting to know me which is nice, constantly asking questions and what not. I think he’s cute. But he just disclosed some potential deal breaker information. He’s very religious. It’s usually a deal breaker because I think he may be one of those guys that wants to find somebody to go to church with every Sunday. I asked him if me not being religious is a problem but he hasn’t responded. We’ll see. I can see our first day going pretty swimmingly.

Mr. Lazy Ass: I rated him highly on okcupid then he messaged me yesterday saying I was cute. After a couple of messages he said he wanted to chat (outside of okc). So I gave him my number and then he says “text me” and gives me his number. So he wants me to make the initial effort. Fine, whatever. His about mesection on his profile has no information about him [all it says is “hello]. I don’t even know why I rated him highly now that I look back at it. It was probably because he had some really cute information about his nieces, I thought it was adorable. Anyways, I’ve noticed he doesn’t like to talk about himself. I get it, somebody don’t talk about themselves. But fucking eh, it’s so frustrating! I asked him to tell me a little bit about himself and he responds with “just ask me whatever you want, i’m an open book!” Uhhh, excuse me sir….I asked you a specific question, how about you answer it?! Also, he called me babe quite a few times. That’s weird. I’m not your babe, my name is Debora. I had to straight up say “don’t you think it’s too soon to be calling me babe?” He said it so many times and it made me feel so freaking uncomfortable each and every time. I had to put an end to it. Today, he asks me for a picture and in return I ask him for his last name because of my mild OCD and every contact in my phone has a first and last name. I’m being serious. Every single person (except my parents and sister) has their first and last name! HE REFUSED! Said it was tmi and that maybe we should get to know each other better first and asked for my picture again. Wtf. After you refuse to give me your last name, you think I’m going to send you a picture? LOL. you’re trippin. I mean, I understand some people are more private than others but this may or may not be a red flag. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’d love to hear what y’all think about this. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to tell me about himself. HE STILL HASN’T! He keeps wanting to call me so we can talk but it was late last night and I wanted to go to sleep and now he wants to talk again but I’m at work (obviously working really hard since I’m writing this while at the office). All I know is that he’s some fucking warehouse supervisor that works graveyard. I don’t even know if our schedules are going to be compatible. I work and go to school during the day while he sleeps and while I sleep, he works. So far he’s been more of an annoyance than anything. We’ll see what happens. Maybe he’s just awkward with texting. We’ll see how I feel when I talk to him on the phone.

And lastly, there’s Mr. Sexual. His first message was “Hey, wanna come over my place?” at nearly 10pm the other night. I didn’t because I’m a classy lady (duh). We’ve been talking ever since. We were asking each other a bunch of questions last night and most of his questions had to do with sexual things. They were mostly harmless though so I didn’t mind playing along. He said he originally joined okcupid because it’s been a while since he’s had sex but that if something else [relationship] happens, he’s okay with that too. I don’t know how much I believe it lol. He’s not into sports which I haven’t decided is a deal breaker for me or not. He said that I’m a “typical so cal person” for being a Lakers fan. I don’t know what he’s basing this off of since he doesn’t follow sports lol and last time I checked there are two teams out here and there are plenty of people who hate the Lakers (clearly this is a touchy subject for me) ANDDDD…if you live in a city where there’s a basketball team in, you’re OBVIOUSLY going to hear a lot of people say they like that team, duh! Another wtf moment. Anyways… aside from him wanting to show me up in a sports conversation which he will not win…he’s nice, funny and smart. He’s nice to talk to. I need somebody to be a distraction. He’ll do.

And if you didn’t see in one of my previous post, I decided to break it off with Mr. Indifferent. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to keep stringing him along while I attempted to convince myself to date this guy.

I’ve been chit chatting with this guy for just about two weeks. It has mostly been filled with really annoying small talk such as “hey, how’s your day going?” “oh, it’s good. and yours?” “it’s going ok.” Blah blah blahhhhh.

I never realized how much I hate the word okay until I started talking to him. He’s always just okay. I use words such as wonderful, fantastic, glorious, etc. to describe how I’m doing. Now, I understand not everybody is as eccentric as I am but sometimes I just feel like screaming at him JUST LIVEN THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!

I can tell that he’s one of those guys that’s just kinda down on life and not for any particular reason. Just kinda blah. I battle my own depression. I do not have the time nor the energy to pull somebody out of their funk

From his pictures, I can already tell I’m not all that attracted to him. I don’t feel any sort of connection while chatting with him. I can go all day not hearing anything from him and I’m totally fine with it. He isn’t very talkative, he barely has a personality, and he keeps to himself. That doesn’t work for me.

He’s been wanting to take me out but I’ve been super busy. I know I’m supposed to be giving this whole “yes man” thing a go…but I feel like I’m just trying to convince myself to give this guy a shot. I’m pretty sure that’s not what it’s supposed to be like but I could be wrong.

I know I have nothing to lose by going out with this guy but I already know I’m not going to be into him. I feel kinda bad cause I’ve been talking to him this long. Do I just go anyways? But that’s not fair to either of us, right?

Men and women are stereotyped on specific things. Women are made out to be overly emotional, irrational, dramatic, illogical and weak. Yes, some women actually are those things sometimes but it is so frustrating when you get into a disagreement with a man and those characteristics are automatically thrown in your face and your feelings aren’t regarded to as legitimate.

“Are you on your period or something?” That question should be erased from the male mind. Sometimes my hormones do get a little out of whack but I’m able to control how I react to something.

Just because we bring up a concern does not necessarily mean we’re being emotional and illogical. Men, have you thought that maybe…just MAYBE we may be right and you’re just being a dick? Yes, I understand that some women are pretty nuts but for us women who are logical, it’s an unfair assessment of who we are as a person. And yes, I understand that not all guys are insensitive to a woman’s feelings.

I had a falling out with a close guy friend of mine not too long ago. He really hurt my feelings by saying some things to me. I tried talking to him about it like an adult but he shut me down, called me silly for the way I reacted, belittled me, ignored what I had to say and much more. In his mind, I was being a “woman” and just overreacting. As a human being, I am entitled to feel what I want to feel. You don’t have to necessarily agree with what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling them BUT you should at the very least attempt to understand why I’m upset and not completely ignore the situation.

Mr. 007 texted me just a few minutes after my post went up about him (crazy timing, right?). He sent me a half assed text saying sorry he never got back to me and asked how I was doing. Since I told myself I would speak up for myself if he actually got back to me, I had to come up with some sort of response to him. Later on, one of my best friends and I drafted up my response. It was a little bit of an ordeal because I didn’t want to come off as emotional and needy. It’s so sad that I have to be so careful like that. All because I’m a woman and don’t want those negative stereotypes thrown in my face. After about half an hour, she and I came up with:

“I understand you’re a busy guy and all but you left me hanging mid-conversation. If you’re interested in me, all I ask is that you show you’re interested in me. If you aren’t (which is totally fine), then let me know now.”

Short, sweet and to the point. No emotional remarks and nothing needy (at least I don’t think it sounds that way lol). Anyways, what was his response?

“Sorry, I don’t want this drama.”

First of all, I’m not being dramatic. It’s called being an adult and having an adult conversation. If he was into me, he wouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t asking for much. I was asking for him to put a little bit more effort in.

He wanted an out. Which is understandable but saying I was being drama is completely uncalled for. It was a well thought out message.

We just can’t win….

I hope that someday we’re able to shake off those stereotypes and be listened to. I know that’s a long shot because there are actually some crazies out there (men and women). We’re not always emotional, dramatic, illogical or weak. I actually have a good head on my shoulders, I’m relatively logical and I’m not always emotional. You sir, might just be an asshole and you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions.

Speed dating was very interesting to say the least. I’m so happy I went because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do so now I can cross it off of my bucket list! Yes, speed dating was on my bucket list. Don’t judge me. I don’t think I met anybody that I’m interesting in dating but I met a couple of interesting people. I hope that makes sense. This event was put on through Match.com and I’m a little confused as to how it’s supposed to work after it’s all done. Apparently we’re supposed to get a list of all the members that attended and we message them on there. We can only read and message members if they’ve subscribed to match. How is somebody supposed to read a message if they aren’t a subscribed member? I should’ve asked but once I got there, everything happened so fast!

So, to change up how I usually write…I decided to take pictures that’ll walk you through my thought process. I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I did taking them. Some of the pictures aren’t attractive and it’s facial expressions like those that probably make me single but hey…it’s who I am and I have a damn good time being me.

YAY!!! SPEED DATING!!!

oh wait, I live in LA. I should’ve left two hours before the start time. It took me 1.5 hours to drive what should have been a 40 minute drive.

Okay, I’m here! Totally late but I haven’t missed anything just yet.

WAAAAIIIITTTTTT!! Mr. Awesome. You’re funny, attractive, smart, and all around super awesome. You just walked away from me! Rejection sucks.

Back from break. Let’s show those pearly whites!

You said whaaaa?!?!!? An ice breaker question was “what are you most proud of?” The dude answered: NOTHING! How are you proud of nothing? I wouldn’t even say I’ve accomplished all that much in my life but I know I’m a damn good sister, daughter, employee, and student. I’m proud of being alive.

What time is it?!?!?! It’s just about that time for me to go home.

We’ve gone full circle folks. The first guy I spoke to is the guy I got along with the most. I stand up….and I realize the dude is literally the shortest guy there. WHAT THE HELL?!?! Not only the shortest guy there but shorter than me 😦 Fuck. He messaged me at 1:49 this morning, eager much?!? Also, picture this: you know how a girl puts hair behind her ear. He did that, constantly! Except…he has short hair. It was very distracting.

Hope you’ve enjoyed the story! All in all, I don’t think I’ll ever go speed dating again because being rejected to your face multiple times in such a short period of time is pretty disheartening BUT I’m still so glad I went. I’m so incredibly proud of myself for doing something out of my comfort zone and I did it ALL BY MYSELF! yeah! So awesome.

Back in October, I met a guy…we can call him Mr. 007. We really hit it off, or so I thought. We had a couple of dates, we even made out! It would’ve probably gone further had I allowed it.

In the midst of our “hanging out” phase, I found him on instagram. Yeah, I know…it’s stalkerish, judge me if you want. I noticed he was hanging out with a particular chick quite often. I tried not to think much of it because I have a lot of guy friends so I can’t be too judgmental. One night he called me around 10:30pm saying I should come over. We all know that’s booty call time. I prefaced my answer by saying I really don’t want you to get offended and explained to him that I wasn’t going to come over because I actually kinda liked him and didn’t want to ruin things by bringing sex into the equation too soon. It was a little more wordy than that but you all get the point. He got super butt hurt and sorta became an asshole. I’m pretty sure he had been drinking. We said our good nights and what not. I never heard from him again.

Until about last week. Yes, last week. THREE months later. He hits me up out of the blue saying it’s been a long time since we’ve spoken blah blah. I respond hours later because “I was busy.” We end up actually talking on the phone later on that night and made it seem that I was the one that didn’t contact him. UM NO. I told him he got all butt hurt when I didn’t come over late at night and never heard from him. His response actually surprised me, he said “I can see why that left a sour taste in your mouth, I apologize.”

Wow. He apologized. Cool! I told him it was fine because we had only hung out a couple of times.

Anyways, I end up checking him out on instagram again. Well, because I needed to see what happened during this three month hiatus. Turns out…him and that broad became a couple. I think they’re broken up though because he had a recent picture with #singlelife. WTF?

Mr.007 disappeared for a couple of days and said he wasn’t ignoring me and he was just busy. We talked a bit the next day (on saturday) but I haven’t heard from him since. It was a few texts back and forth but he completely ignored my last text. And boom, he’s gone…again.

WHY MUST YOU CONTACT ME IF YOU DON’T PLAN ON GOING THROUGH WITH IT?! Just fuck off Mr.007. If you text me again, I’m probably going to say…listen if you’re into me then take the fucking time to show it, if not…delete my damn number.

Sorry for my rant. I’m irritated, hungry and all alone in the office today.

So, I know height is an issue for many women. Because I have too much time on my hands and I really enjoyed making a graph, I decided to track the height of 100 men. All completely random. There was no rhyme or reason to my clicking. Yes, I know. I need a life.

I always wanted somebody that was OVER 6’0″ and by looking at my chart…that narrows it down to 20 men! That’s crazy. I then changed standard to 5’9.” Thats a major change. I’m proud of myself. That brought up the number to 72. That’s pretty good.

Anyways, here’s my chart.

I’m hoping this will help women put the height requirements into perspective.