Richard Belzer Denies Assaulting Apple Employee

Say you’re a 21-year-old employee at the Apple Store. One day, a tall older man with sunglasses, pockmarked skin, a frighteningly protuberant Adam’s apple, and an aura that you vaguely associate with sex crimes comes into the store where you work shakes you, and yells, “I need help!” Would you be like, ‘What the hell, you psycho, get your hands off of me right now?” Or would you laugh and say, “Oh, it’s just Richard Belzer, of television’s Law and Order: SVU, messing around?” Milan Agnew, an employee at the Apple Store, had the first reaction, and filed a complaint against Belzer both with the cops and with her Nana accusing Belzer of assault. Belzer begs todiffer.

First of all, he says, he didn’t put his hands on her neck, only on her shoulder. (And according to the Post, the police looked at surveillance video, and determined Belzer did nothing wrong.) Most importantly, he is famous, and therefore, any reaction to him that is not positive is unacceptable. Really, if anyone’s filing a complaint, it should behim.

“She wanted attention and she knew who I was and I clearly didn’t assault her,” Belzer said. “It’s surprising that Apple would not apologize to such a high-profile, good customer. I’ve spent thousands of dollars there. I don’t want her to be fired, I just want her to seek help.”

For once, we bet this incident won’t turn up in a Law and Orderepisode.