A Hindu Miracle Man Will Cure Lum (1941)

DESCRIPTIONAn episode from "Lum and Abner," an American radio comedy that aired as a network program from 1932 to 1954 and was created by co-stars Chester Lauck (who played Columbus "Lum" Edwards) and Norris Goff (Abner Peabody). Set in the fictitious town of Pine Ridge, the show regularly played on "hillbilly" humor. In this particular episode the pair are visited by the Hindu prince "Aloo Kush," known for his healing powers.

When Lum appealed to Squire Skimp to not tell the insurance company about his phony broken
leg, the Squire came through with a plan to save Lum. For a slight charge of only $500, the
Squire would send for his friend, Prince Aloo Kush, a Hindu miracle man of rare powers. The
prince would come to Pine Ridge, work his magic, and to all outward appearances, Lum’s leg
would be healed and he could throw away his crutches.

As we look in on the little community today, we find Lum and Abner in their Jot ‘Em Down
Store, Lum excited over the prospect of a prince coming to town.

[Scene]

Lum: Oh, it’s the greatest idea I ever heard of. Granted, that Squire Skimp can study up more
ways to get out of something than anybody I ever seen in my life.

Abner: Well, I expect he’s had enough experience getting his self out of scrapes. There’s a
fellow that’s made a living for years with one shady deal after another. Always just barely inside
the law on everything he does.

Lum: This Prince Alibi something or other, he calls his self, is supposed to have some kind of
power of curing folks. So, he’s just gonna cure my broke leg so I can throw away these crutches
and take them bandages off my leg so folks here in town won’t catch on that my leg ain’t sure
enough broke.

Abner: Yeah, it’s a good idea alright, I reckon. Kinda unhonest.

Lum: Well, I’ve got to do something, I can’t stay on these crutches for no three months!

Abner: No, well, I guess it’s alright. I just hate to see you get mixed up in anything with Squire
Skimp.

Lum: Get mixed up with him? Well, he’s doing me a favor! Getting me out of this whole thing.
He could have sent me to the penitentiary, putting in a claim to an insurance company when my
leg weren’t broke.

Abner: Well, if it’d been me, I believe I’d have just writ the insurance company and explained
the whole thing to ‘em.

Lum: I can’t, Abner, I’ve carried to too far now. The first day or two I might could have did it,
but not now. I’d lose every friend I’ve got in town, ‘special after everybody’s bein’ so nice to
me, sympathizin’ and all.

Abner: Well, it’s your business, do as you like about it, Lum.

Lum: I thought this was a good idea. Thought you’d be for it.

Abner: Oh, well, I am, I reckon. I’m just natural a little dubious about anything that Squire
Skimp has something to do with.

Lum: Oh, I’ll watch him, don’t you [laughing] worry about that. But he seems to be awful
anxious to help me any way he can – even talked the prince down to $500 on the job.

Abner: Down to $500? How much did he want to start with?

Lum: Well, I don’t know, but those princes can’t be running around over the country for nothing,
you know.

Abner: Well, that seems like awful lot of money to me.

Lum: It is a lot of money, but it’s a heap cheaper than going to the penitentiary. ‘Cost me that
much to hire a lawyer to fight the case for me.

Abner: Well, you better be making arrangements for him then, Lum! She ain’t got no bed with
nails sticking up in ‘em. You want him to be comfort while he’s here, don’t you?

Lum: [Laughs] Well, I’ve heard some of these drummers talkin’ about how uncomfort them beds
are over there, they might just suit the prince.

Abner: Yeah… yeah, instead of sitting on a chair full of nails, if he wants to just torture his self
something uncommon like, why he can just sit there in the parlor and listen to Sister Simpson
gab all evening.

Lum: [Laughs] It’d be worse than sitting on any nails.

Abner: Oh, there he is.

Lum: Huh?

Abner: Squire, coming up on the porch out there.

Lum: Oh.

Abner: [Whispering] Yeah, there he is.

Lum: Come in, Squire!

Abner: Howdy, Squire!

Lum: Come on back and sit.

Squire: Well, good afternoon, gentlemen, good afternoon.

Lum: You heard any more from the prince, Squire?

Squire: Oh, no no, but I didn’t expect to, Lum. The deal’s all set. He’ll be here. Don’t worry
about that. I take it that you’ve told Abner about our plans…

Lum: Yeah, but he ain’t gonna say nothing about it to nobody.

Abner: Won’t breathe it to a soul.

Lum: See, he already knows my leg wasn’t sure enough broke.

Squire: Yes, yes, well that’s alright just so that nobody else knows about it.

Lum: I’ve been thinking about that, Squire. Instead of having a public demonstration down in the
park – the prince curing my broke leg with a miracle – why wouldn’t it be better to have it over
at the school house?

Squire: Over at the school house?

Lum: Yeah, we can have some entertainment of some kind over there and get a big crowd and
then you can introduce the prince as a friend of yours from India, or wherever he’s from.

Squire: Yeah, it’s India, that’s right, Lum.

Lum: Then, tell ‘em that he heals broke bones – if there’s anybody there that’s got a broke bone,
have ‘em come up and he’ll cure ‘em. That’s when I’ll step up out of the audience and walk up
on the platform.

Squire: Well, sure, that’s not a bad idea, Lum. And as far as entertainment goes, you know the
prince is quite a magician. He could entertain the crowd for quite a while with his magic tricks.

Lum: Magic tricks?

Squire: Oh, yes, does all kinds of magic.

Lum: I never knowed he was trained.

Squire: Yes, does everything. And to climax his act, then he could call for somebody from the
audience to come up and that he will demonstrate his power of healing.

Lum: Well!

Squire: You can come forward, after he waves a few magic gestures over your leg, you remove
the bandages, throw away your crutches, and walk down off the platform a well man.

Lum: I grant you that sounds good, Squire.

Squire: We might even charge a little admission.

Lum: Yeah!

Squire: Advertise it well, might pick up a few dollars that way, Lum [laughs].

Lum: Well, I’m paying for getting him down here – if we charge admission, I get the money,
though.

Squire: Well, I think we’ll ought to split it, Lum – 60/40 for me. Speaking of finances, that
reminds me what I came over here for, too. Our check came this morning, Lum.

Lum: Our check?

Squire: Yes, the $100 from the insurance company. Here it is, right here, $100 to [unclear]
Edwards. It’s all yours. That is, unless, of course [laughs], you want to divide some of it with me
for sending in the claim and all, you know.

Squire: Well, I was in hopes that’s what you’d say, Lum. I think under the circumstances that’s
the best thing to do. Now, it’s made out to you, so you just endorse it here on the back – write
your name right there – and I’ll make it back to the insurance company.

Lum: Well, I’ll mail it to ‘em, Squire.

Squire: Oh, no no, you better let me attend to that, Lum. You write a letter in there and you
might say the wrong thing and then they’ll catch on that your leg isn’t really broken and get in to
a lot of trouble.

Lum: Yeah.

Squire: You just let me handle it. Here, put your endorsement right there on the back, and I’ll see
that everything’s taken care of.

Lum: Alright, Squire, I just hate to put you to all that bother.

Squire: [Laughs] No bother at all, no bother at all, Lum. Glad to help you. Always glad to help a
friend.

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