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Saturday, October 10, 2015

It's Not fair!!

This blog has been stirring
around inside of my head for a couple of months now and I had no intention of
getting up this morning and blogging, but it won’t leave me alone so here it
is!

Let me start by saying you
will not find a more HOOYAH supporter of my husband and sons military careers
and I am well aware of the blessings and benefits that it has afford myself and
my children.Please do not take this
entry as anything against the military or the choice many make of making it a
career.I am simply going to share from
my perspective the impact it can have on our children and how we as parents
struggle to watch them work through it.

I sat in a meeting for two
hours this week listening to parents discuss their child with behavior
problems, I reassured them several times that the military lifestyle often
births behavior concerns in our children, mine being no exception.I shared that no choice they made or nothing
they had purposely done had caused their child to struggle greatly when they
are separated from them.That the
demands placed on a family effect each family and child individually.

This has been stirring in my
head since we moved back to Hawaii and Zachary made the transition from being a
Guam High Panther to being a Radford Ram.We knew a year ago that the chances of us coming back to Hawaii was
strong so we began to talk to other parents and students about Radford.When I had attended the class of 2014
graduation several months earlier I heard every speaker stand up and share that
Radford had been an amazing experience for them, as it was a school where there
was annually a great transition in the students coming and going.Each speaker shared that even though they had
at one time been the new kid, they had never felt like that.The characteristic of the school was one that
all new kids were accepted and made to feel valued and welcomed.Taking all of this under consideration we
made the choice to send him to Radford, instead of Aiea where his brother had
gone and Campbell where his sister had gone.We felt that he had the best chance of seeing playing time on the field
since Radford’s team routinely had players transitioning in and out of the
school.We made a choice.

As a Panther Zachary was a
starter on both the offense and the defense and spent the entire game on the
field.I knew that I couldn’t expect the
same of a new school and a new team.I
understand that the coaches have been working with some of their players for
the previous three years and they have invested a great deal into them.I understand that my child is someone they
don’t know and haven’t invested anything into.I understand that they may be aware of the fact that while my child has
his fathers GI Bill which will pay for his college, these other players will
need to rely on any scholarship they can grab ahold of to make college a
reality.I understand all of these
things.What I cannot understand is how
my child can go from being a starter on both the offense and defense in Guam to
playing only special teams and second-string offense here.

Now, let me add that this scenario
is not unique to my child.His other
friends have went from being starters in Guam, to other schools on the mainland
because of PCS moves and found them selves as second stringers.The athletic trainer from Radford shared with
us the other night that they had a player who was a starter on the Radford team
who transferred to Texas and he hasn’t seen any playing time at all this year.

As I sit in the stands crying
because I know he should see more playing time, but he’s not because we moved
him in his senior year of high school or I lay awake at night thinking that we
did this to him, two things come to mind.Number one is that he is handling it so much better than I am!He stands quietly in his silent warrior mode,
accepting that he must prove himself.He
studies his playbook, it goes everywhere with him.He is early for every practice, he supports
his brothers on the team, and he makes every play count. Me, on the other hand, I want to rip into the coach on a regular basis and let him know that he's overlooking my sons talent. Number two, it’s not fair!It’s not fair to thousands of military
dependents that are scholars or athletes to have to compromise or lose momentum
every time a PCS move calls.It’s just
not fair.

I am thankful for those at
Army Youth Sports and Army School Liaison services, as we have had many
conversations about the struggles our young men and women have as they
transition form duty station to duty station and they are working to make a
difference to come up with programs, combines, and networks that will help our athletes
get recognition and an opportunity to be looked at by scouts even if they are
not seeing the playing time that is equal to their talents because they have
not been with the coaches for years.

I am grateful for the lessons
that my son is learning in this process and his absolutely amazing attitude in
dealing with disappointment.I am so
proud of the way he mans up each and every time and makes the choice of the
higher road.He has only once said
anything that gave me a glimpse into how hard this has been for him.It was after one of the first games of the
season, I was driving home and he said in a very quiet voice, “Mom, you know in
Guam I would be a captain and starting.”All I could say was, “I know son.”

I am also reminded daily that
there is a bigger plan at work here, one that I cannot see.Just as I could not see the benefits or the
blessings a PCS move to Guam would bring, I cannot see the plan that God has
for Zach, but I do know he has one, whether being a military dependent is fair
or not!

1 comment:

I hear your struggles loud and clear, my friend and know that you accept them (at least outwardly) with grace and courage. I believe being a mother to military kids is a tougher job than being a military spouse! Hope to see you soon :) Mechele