JEANIE MILEY: 'Fairness' can be about point of view

It's the wail of a child when somebody else gets something he/she wants or should have.

It's the wail of jealousy, the cry of protest or the declaration of outrage at injustice.

Sometimes, it's the outcry that begins a social movement or a revolution, when enough people finally get enough of an imbalance of power or an accumulation of wrongdoings inflicted by one group on another.

Now and then, it is a quiet whisper of determination that finally comes to the surface when a person has had enough of being used or abused or witnessing another's abuse and is finally ready to stand up for herself or someone else.

Sometimes, it is the rant of someone who has everything anyone could want or need to have a happy life but cannot bear it when he realizes that he doesn't have it all!

It is most irritating when the cry, "It's not fair!" is simply the petty whine of a child of any age who hasn't yet learned to be happy when someone else gets something good.

It's one thing to feel compassion or for someone who is hurting or sorrow for someone who has lost something or someone important to him. Mourning with those who mourn seems to be easier to learn than being happy when something good happens to someone else, especially if it's something you really would like to have.

Even though I often declare that life isn't fair, the truth is that there is something in me that wants it to be fair. The truth is that a part of me wants life to be fair, wants the fairness to be according to my definition and bent favorably toward me and mine.

However, I've noticed that when life piles up one good thing after another, I don't announce that isn't fair! I don't protest when I have more than my fair share of good things.

When I have more than I need, I don't worry about whether life is fair or not!

When things are going my way and my team's winning, I can kick up my heels and celebrate. You won't hear me protesting that life isn't fair when I'm in the driver's seat of my life, going where I want to go and doing just what I want to do.

The satisfaction or even enjoyment human beings get out of another's bad fortune, even if brought on by his own choices, is one of the least attractive characteristics of human beings. It is easy to see the pettiness in that.

The problem with resenting it when something good happens to someone else is that the tendency often masquerades as righteous indignation. Being ticked off because you don't get your way about something can come out sounding like reasonable arguments about why the other person shouldn't have what you want or what you think is right or fair.

Maybe it takes a lifetime to develop the maturity to accept that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, and that it's as important to learn how to be a good winner as it is to learn how to be a good loser.

Maybe it takes a lifetime to learn empathy, the capacity to feel what another is feelings and see from another's point of view.

Maybe it takes forever to learn how to step back from one's own needs, desires and self-serving behaviors and learn the hard lessons of history about how power ebbs and flows from one group to another.

And perhaps one of life's steepest learning curves is giving up my protests when life doesn't conform to my expectations and my standards of what is fair and what is not.

Jeanie Miley, a former San Angelo resident, is an inspirational author and speaker. Her column appears Saturday. Email her at jeaniemiley19@aol.com.