A Little Loco...

Just the ramblings of a crazy Mom of two beautiful girls (and YaYa to many children that I adore) navigating through my snafu'd life. This blog is my way of 'clearing the cobwebs' and trying to maintain my sanity.

I have a chaotic life full of kids, rebuilding after our house burnt, coffee, my best girls, mornings in my breezeway, blogging, a full time job, screaming kids, laundry, remodeling, Asperger's/OCD Big'K, mowing, taking the trash out, Bipolar w/psychosis and RAD Lil'K, a crazy family, more kids thrown in the mix, bad plumbing, laughing until I pee my pants, electrical malfunctions, and everything else the Big G thinks He needs to throw at me on this ride we call life, all the while trying to survive being a single mother. Because let's face it...every day that I wake up, I am outnumbered!

before i moved back to the house i am in now i was having to stay at my parents. and by parents i mean my father and my stepmothers home. this stepmother has been there for 16 years. and i don't think it was a good 16 years personally. right before moving into this house there was a night in particular where my youngest was being a tad bit hard to handle and the grown up's decided to argue. needless to say it was horrible and i got a voicemail from a frightened 11 year old saying she was scared and they were fighting. that was the night that made my father change everything. he had allowed SM to be horrible to myself and my brother for years. but being horrible to his grandchildren was a totally different subject. and he was not going to stand for it. so he decided to move out. and in with me and the girls. we had plans. to add on to the house. to make it bigger and more accommodating. we spent quite a bit of money on the house. getting the roof fixed. and leveling it. repainting. updating the kitchen. so on and so forth. so that the 'plan' would work. i thought things were good. constantly asking him if he was ok. was he alright here? were we too much? and always no. i love it here. i am more relaxed than i have been in over a decade. ok good. things are good.

then.

BOOM!

the day after thanksgiving i get a letter. from my father. hes going back. they have been going to counseling and are gonna work it out.

so now? everything i had been working towards is gone. i do not have the credit to get the house in my name. he was gonna do that. i do not have the money to finish working on the house. we were gonna do that. i do not have the money to pay all the bills. it was a joint effort. so now what? what am i supposed to do? i have no idea. the inside of me wants to tell him to go to hell. go back to her and be happy and do not even worry about us. but thats not what i told him. not yet. so far i told him that he can go back and have counseling and be happy. but i have not. and may not. and he has to respect that. i do not like her. never have. and i have tried in the last three or four years to be nicer. and sweeter. and overlook the snide comments and harsh looks. and no matter how nice i was i never got it in return. so i am done. he can go back. but i do not have to. i told him i was not going over there. and the girls were not either. he could deal with that. i am living in her house so she can stop by to inquire about house related issues. but i do not want her here.

what are you thankful for? your kids, spouse, family, good friends, the crack that keeps you going day after day? im sure for everyone its something different. and dare i say not one of my friends are thankful for the crack. thanks for that.

turkey day is all about giving thanks. thanks for what our land produces for us everyday to eat. thanks for the people that are around our dinner table celebrating with us. thanks to those indians that showed the pilgrims how to cook! a lot of things have changed since that very first turkey dinner and i would dare to say those people around that original feast would shudder at where the world is today. but im not here today to get all preachy preachy about the environment. im here to day to tell you what im thankful for. so here goes...

i am thankful that my boobs did not fall off of my body today.

i am thankful that neither of my children showed up on a milk carton.

i am thankful that my father didnt burn down the house frying corndogs.

i am thankful mother dog didnt eat another puppy in front of my kids.

i am thankful my cable has not been shut off yet.

i am thankful for my job and my pay regardless of my $200 paycheck.

i am thankful for my insurance that will fully cover another surgery if my boobs do fall off of my body.

i am thankful for my friends. some of which remind me of my own downfalls on a daily basis.

i am thankful for my car that is 3000 miles past its oil change and still running.

i am thankful for my ability to do more with less because this thanksgiving will be less...

i am thankful for a lot of things. life, liberty, and the freedom of speech. my family. my friends. my wednesday a.m. coffee crew. my employment. my smaller boobs (PLEASE stay attached to my body and heal correctly!!!). my health. what my grandmothers taught me. rest them both. im so thankful my great aunt is still here with me. she teaches me something different every single day. im thankful that my dad is here and happy. i joke about a lot but i am so thankful for so many things.

so this week take some time and really think about what youre thankful for. things disappear but you can get them back. people leave all the time and you dont get that second chance. i believe more than being thankful for things...it is more important to tell people in your life that you are thankful for them being there. so for the next three days i am going to email, call, text, and plain 'ole tell the people in my life that i love them and am super thankful for them being in my life.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

and lets not forget our brave service men and women overseas and away from their families this holiday season. i have quite a few friends and family members that will not be home. i love you all. and stay positive. come home soon.

that means you too Sir. i do love you and know we will be thinking of you while we carve the bird.

everyone wants to find their soul mate. but what do you do when your soul mate is a woman?and you are too. does being your soul mate mean that that's the person you're supposed to be with? that you're supposed to marry them? i'm not trying to head into the 'life partner' section of things. i don't bat for that team. i'm a guy's girl. not a girl's girl. my soul mate just happens to be female. whatdayado?

so the other night we are at my uncle's house. having a halloween party. and my cousin. my bestest cousin, August, says to me..."Did you bring your wife to the party?" me? i laugh. August? she was halfway serious. but not really. my wife? she just busts into hysterics. and grabs my hand and says "why yes. yes she did!"

let me preface by saying i am NOT married. iDO NOT have a wife. i don't have a husband either. i just have kids. and my person. now...about my person...

ok. i get it. i know we're weird. and i know a lot of people don't understand us. but everyone has that person right? the person that is your person. the person you can't live without talking to on a daily basis. the person that knows the most about you out of all your friends. but would never tell a soul what they know. not even if they were super pissed. the person that knows so much about you they could sink you. but they wont. ever.

that person to me is my BFF. i've referred to her on here quite a few times. i have a ton of best friends. a ton of cousins and family. but she is my person. i have other friends that are close on other levels and to other degrees. and by no means are they not a crucial part of my life.

our relationship is unique. we are more like a married couple than her and Juice are. it just happens. when it's us and the kids we bicker at each other in public like we're married. and have a tendency to be too comfortable with each other. we touch too much. and laugh too much. we 'us' and 'our' too much. all the kids call us mom. or 'other mother'. we hate other people in our space. i have a bubble. and you don't belong in it. but with each other...the bubble doesn't exist. at all. we think the same. we don't have to even say anything sometimes. we can just look. and know. we spend hours on the phone. talking? not always. sometimes we just sit there. or we will be on the computers, im'ing each other and on the phone. just to have each others input. even if that input is silence. it's a comfort thing.

i know. we. are. weird.

but hey. it's us.

i'm bringing all this up because right now she's stressed. which means i'm stressed. sometimes it sucks to be so connected to people. really. i'm having sympathy poops. that doesn't happen you say. seriously?? it happens. trust me. so right now we are on pins and needles. see the most perfect house is on the chopping block. it would be a rental/lease. but i think it's a place they could stay in. could eventually buy. and stay. longterm. what does this house mean? it means she's closer to me. yay me!!! (shut it! i can be selfish). but it also means a new start. a smaller ISD for the kids. and the possibility that Juice may not have to go overseas again. so all in all...it's a good thing. and right now we are waiting. well...she is waiting. but i am waiting too. sickening. and her and i...we talk things out. that's how we work. so here i am. talking it out. with you. my 'other' people.

Loco YaYa's Snafu'd World

About

Just a mom of two kids. Big K and Lil K. Who make me loco on a daily basis. I have a ton of other kids that call me 'YaYa'. They are my 'stray cats' as my great aunt refers to them. Once you start feeding them they won't go away...and apparently i'm a great cook!

The things I say will not always make sense. I am funny. I am sarcastic. I am educated. (Sometimes I forget this and the ghettoredneckcoonass comes out. I cannot help it. Hushitup!) I am a smartass. I do not sleep a lot. I may be off color at times. I am also harmless. You may not get my style and that is not my fault. This blog is not meant to be anything other than my thoughts. What I say belongs to me and at the end of the day...it's just words. Get over yourself. If you are offended, go away. You have been warned...