Missing T …

The cold shoulder from T

Since Lee has been home, I have cried twice. One would think that I would be crying due to overwhelm and the simple exhaustion of having a newborn, but these are not the reasons. I cried both times because of T.

I have definitely lost a lot of “T” time as expected. I spend most of my time nursing baby Lee, something I can only do and Matt ends up spending most of the time with T while I am with Lee. T does not seem to have any jealousy that has directly impacted her attitude towards Lee – she really does love being around him and gives him hugs/kisses & pats his head whenever she is given the chance. One thing that has happened in the first weeks is a bit of a cold shoulder & negativity towards me. Both times that I cried it was because T just did not want me around. I would go and try to spend time with her and she would tell me to go away. “No mama … go away … “ It made me so sad. It makes me so sad just typing that. T has always been a dadda’s girl, where she loves spending time with Matt, but I still always had my time with her and she never told me to go away before. I know of course this is not something shocking. Many people did warn me that T may do something like this, but it hurts so much to have it actually happen.

This was during the first week, since then it has become better. I have made it a point to have one on one time with T. We color/draw together for 30 minutes in the evening and we went out for a special breakfast last week – just the two of us! Something I hope to make a routine/tradition. She has not told me to “go away” this past week and now enjoys hanging out with me, even when I am nursing baby Lee. So overall, things are improving. That being said, I am definitely not able to spend the time with T that I use to, for obvious reasons. I hope that as I get more use to juggling two little ones, that I will also get better of having quality time with them both. I will certainly try my best!

In the meantime, I look forward to our arts/crafts time & mom and daughter breakfasts.

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