About Me

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

What Can I Do?

It's been a long time. Jed's accident. Hope still hangs around, but it's not as lively as it once was. We watch a lot of TV. Sleep and TV. Discussions are lively when sleep is not the priority.

Today we went on a mini trip. Now that we have the Blue Ox, my name for the new van, the two of us can go places without help. It's nice to be just with Jed. It's nice to remember how we once were so playful. But it's hard. Our mini trip today was chasing thunderheads. We both love clouds. We both love storms. We got in the Blue Ox and headed mountainside.

It wasn't long before Jed was tired. He was done with the adventure. I, on the other hand, was adventure bound and determined he would have one too.
"I've had enough," he told me, almost at the top of the mountain. "Well, that's just too bad." I responded. "We're here and we can't just say we're not, so we have to figure out what we're doing."
So we drive around a bit, deal with a few issues, and go on with our mini adventure.

When we got home Jed tells me what a wonderful time he had and thanks me for making sure he didn't give up.

Hope hangs around.

We went to the pool today before the cloud chasing adventure and he walked. He walked remarkably. What he can do in the water he can one day do on land.

Keeping a positive attitude is a struggle. I get lonely for the husband I once had. I get bound up by the responsibilities, I get tired of trying to be the cheerleader. I get squashed. What am I to do?

I'm a Christian. So, of course, I should pray, and believe, yadda, yadda, yadda. Well, here's the deal. I do believe. You know, sun when it's not shinning, etc. I really do believe that there is a God. I am a classic example of looking in the mirror dimly, because I don't have a clue how God has planned it all.

I'm just lonely for my husband who could do everything. I am stong and am able to manage the strength things required, but just want for things to be different and wonder why God picked us for this.