Sleepless and Spiritual

Imagine if you were one of those kids at school who got bullied. Many of you may have been, and many of you, hopefully, got over it. But imagine if the bullying got too much for you to handle, and for you personally, it broke something inside of you. Now imagine if the teachers at school treated you like someone who breaks rules and is anti-authority although you always keep quiet and do your best, you'd go to college perhaps, when the time arose. But imagine if the teachers during the final year said that the sixth form was a lot different and the teachers treat you like adults, then because you respected their authority, you accepted this as true. Then, picture the scene, it was no different. The teachers who shout a lot still shout a lot and the ones who look down their noses still do exactly the same. What's different? You tie your own laces. That's about it. No-one's going to ask you if you're okay any more. The bullies don't stop either, by the way, they revel in the fact they have one over on a so called pillar of the school, an all powerful sixth former reduced to handing over dinner money for threats of violence. Imagine then, leaving school early, after one morning finding life so unbearable that the concept of living it felt like a nightmare.
Fast forward a few years and our young individual is struggling. Alone, in a council flat, with beans on toast every other day for dinner for one week then a jar of peanut butter for the next, this young person isn't able to find their way. All seems too far reaching for them. Imagine this is you. I know it may be hard, if you're confident and emotionally stable, but remember you've been bullied for years, reduced to a feeling of personal loathing. You know no-one really wants you around so you just stick to your own things and do what makes you happy. You're lucky enough that the local authorities recognise your condition as a medical one and provide you with some kind of support, after a few years of finding work, losing it and doing the process again, eventually things settle down. Being more financially stable, you attract a young lady. A few years roll past and you have a child, this child is born and then a year later, the relationship breaks down. The young lady moves away and starts a family elsewhere. You withdraw back into deep depression and although having lost everything including most of your furniture and white goods, due to the family separation, you continue to care for your child at every opportunity. Soon, you build your home back up again to a suitable standard and meet someone else. The same happens again, after a few years a child is born and the relationship breaks down. The depression kicks in again big time and you really struggle to continue. Yet, somehow, against everything, you still do.
Now imagine that the bedroom you use for both of your children is suddenly labelled as spare and you are taxed for it, out of your already meagre benefits. You already don't receive any financial support for being a father as children's benefits are only paid to one parent even if the care is split. So with the single person's money you are given for being medically unable to work now being not only split between yourself and two children but is also being used to pay for their bedroom. Now imagine that if the authority no longer recognised your condition as unworkable and forced you to begin work? At the same time as looking after two children for which you get no support? At the same time of having a mental health that is quite rightly in bad shape? Unfortunately this is the case for many, myself included.
I perhaps am lucky in that I have a professional skill that I am slowly learning how to use in a productive way, and I have worked extremely hard to manifest a life for myself which is currently in the process of being built. It is not easy, however, and I am continually draining my energy to the point of emptiness in order to maintain the level of responsibility I am holding.
This government's benefits and welfare changes have done nothing but cause stress and misery for many like myself, thank goodness I am slowly getting there but I know many of us are not so fortunate.
I'm disappointed in the government for many reasons, don't get me wrong. But if I don't speak for myself then no-one else will.

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This website is a personal site written and edited by me, Rowan Blair Colver. This website contains affiliate links which are delivered at no extra cost to the customer but also provide a commission to me if you choose to make a purchase.