Thursday, August 11, 2011

It seems to be my lot in life that whenever I am in love with someone, I am never able to share this with people openly. In the past, this was because I only loved woman, and I could only trust very few close friends.

The irony is that now that I finally like someone who is male, I can’t talk openly about him either, given that he’s married. But I want to talk about him all the time! I have talked about him with my open-minded friend “Persia,” my open-minded Mormon friend “Jane,” who wrote the contract which I signed, my gay friend “Gay” from school, my friend from school and work (my schoolmate and workmate), “Mate.”

I have shared more sanitary and softer versions of Robert Hannibal with some of my Mormon church friends, notably my good friend “Friend” who talks to me often about his dates with girls.

Before my sixth “date” with Robert Hannibal, one of my Mormon friends, “Shila,” had a dinner party and after most people left, she and another friend, “Betsy,” and I remained. We are all old maids, in the real world but especially in the Mormon world, though they are both slightly older than I am.

As the three of us were sitting in Shila’s living room, the conversation turned to men, and Shila and Betsy asked if I was dating anyone.

Most people know my preference for brown skin, but few know that my preference is, or was, actually for women. Certainly none of my church friends here in New York, other than two of my gay Mormon guy friends.

But I was so happy that now I could legitimately talk about being in love with a man. I loved being able to tell them I was in love with Robert Hannibal. Deeply, truly in love. The first man I’ve ever loved or been attracted to. But there is no future with him.

They couldn’t understand why there would be no future. “Introduce him to the church!” they said. “Convert him!” I couldn’t tell them he was married, so I explained that he was not into monogamy, that he was into polyamory.

Both were surprised that I would like someone like that, let alone that I was even having sex, as they think of me as an active Mormon. I explained that although I am active in the sense that I go to church every week and try to go to all the activities, I’m not worthy to go to the temple or even take the Sacrament.

I told them this isn’t my first time having sex, but I never enjoyed sex with men before, and I told them that I used to be completely inactive, where I didn’t even go to church. There was obviously no need to get into my previously-exclusive attraction to women

Shila was a little worried for my sake. She was concerned about my breaking the law of chastity by having sex, and even worse having sex with someone who I wasn’t even in a committed relationship with. She couldn’t understand how I could love someone who wasn’t monogamous.

I explained that Robert Hannibal is a good person, but his lifestyle choices are different. Betsy chimed in that she understood what I was saying, and she tried to explain it to Shila.

Both Shila and Betsy are virgins, and the idea of sex outside of marriage as being such a grave sin is so ingrained in their psyche. Betsy is a little more worldly and understanding, since she is an aspiring singer and interacts with non-Mormons all the time, so she was able to help Shila understand that good people break the law of chastity and non-Mormons should not be held to the same standard as Mormons regarding sexual purity.

I told them that although I know the Lord can’t approve of what I’m doing with Robert Hannibal, and I do plan on stopping all of this and being a fully committed temple-worthy Mormon, I am not ready to yet. I want to enjoy loving a man for the first time in my life.

Now, Shila, who hosted the dinner party, often tells me how nervous she gets around guys she has crushes on. Previously, I would always say the same thing to her that I say to all my female friends:

“We women are so much better than men, there is no reason to get nervous around them. We are so much more beautiful than they are, we are smarter, kinder, more empathetic, and sexier. Men are lucky just to be around us, and even luckier when they get to have us. We should never try to make ourselves be something we aren’t just to please a man.”

I had always believed this and would get so frustrated with my friends when they would obsess over a guy. But I realized I am now similarly obsessed.

I acknowledged to Shila and Betsy that I am embarrassed because when Robert Hannibal calls me last-minute to go somewhere (of course I didn’t tell them it’s usually to a swing club), I will immediately cancel whatever plans I may have just to be with him. I told them that I never understood how women could act like this towards men before, but now I completely understand.

I explained that this experience with Robert Hannibal helps me have more empathy towards my friends, Shila and Betsy included, because now I know what it’s like to be so in love with a guy that I will do whatever he wants, go wherever he wants, just to please him, just to not lose him. And of course my case is even worse than any of my friends’ since I know there is no possibility of a future with Robert Hannibal.

I told them I know how pathetic I am – anxiously awaiting any text or email from him, thinking of him all the time even though I know he thinks of me rarely, if at all. I was quite ashamed to admit that he only thinks of me when he wants sex, and they were sympathetic to my plight.

(But I couldn’t even tell them the whole story. Yes, he thinks of me only when he wants sex, but it’s not sex alone with me that he wants. He wants sex with me only in a group setting. He wants sex with other women. I am just the means for him to be able to have swinger sex.

The sad thing is I don’t care. If that is the only way I get to have sex with him, then so be it. As long as I can have sex with him, it doesn’t matter what else happens. )

At the end, Shila and Betsy hugged me and wished me the best. They are good friends and care about me. And I’m just so glad I got to talk about Robert Hannibal. I love talking about him.

After that dinner party and almost a week after Robert Hannibal’s sixth “date” with me, one of my open-minded Mormon friends from Los Angeles, “Bondi,” visited NYC because the father she nannies for was getting married.

Bondi knew I only loved women, for I had told her about my relationship with “Dee” after Dee broke up with me, nearly ten years ago. That was a devastating, near-suicidal period for me. Bondi never judged my love for women, nor the prostitute-like work I’ve done (and still do), nor the adulterous situations I’ve had.

Now I was so happy to be able to inform Bondi that finally, for the first time in my creeping-on-middle-age life, I am attracted to a man. I love a man.

Yes, the man is married. Yes, I met him at my NSA sex swing party job. Yes, he doesn’t love me back the way I love him. But I love him. He’s a man. And that’s a first.

I told her how Robert Hannibal affects me in every way, how when I’m with him, I don’t want to be with any women, how I actually love having sex with a man for the first time in my life, how I think of him so much everyday.

Bondi was surprised that I don’t consider myself lesbian anymore. But she was glad to hear that knowing that I can actually love a man gives me hope that there is another man out there who I can fall in love with and marry.

I told her I thought I would probably marry a non-Mormon or someone who converted to the LDS church, because, given my lesbian and prostitute and adulterous and swinger past, no Mormon guy would want to marry me.

Nor did I think I could marry a Mormon guy who was a virgin. Not after being with Robert Hannibal, the best lover in the world.

Bondi is very understanding. She dated a non-Mormon guy before and is not a virgin, and she is also my same advancing-on-old age. She knows how hard it is to find single men our age in general, especially in the Mormon world, and she doesn’t judge me for my “relationship” with Robert Hannibal. I told her of my contract, but also that I will extend it. I want to enjoy my time with Robert Hannibal as long as I can.

I’m just so glad I have understanding friends with whom I can share my very weird “love” life.

Friday, August 5, 2011

After our last “date” at Trapeze on Jan. 27, 2011, I couldn’t wait to see Robert Hannibal again. When I refer to going out with Robert Hannibal, I realize that I need to use the word “date” only in quotes – where we go are not proper dates. I understand that he is primarily using me in order to go to couples clubs.

But he also likes me, I’m sure of it. I know he likes sex with me, but he likes talking with me also. He likes me as a person. And I think he likes the fact that he is introducing me to these swing clubs – as if he is sort of a teacher for me.

Logically, I know our “relationship” is nothing more than that. I know he has a wife and kids. And I know I will eventually be a fully committed Mormon. I don’t think he considers me his girlfriend or his mistress, though to be honest, part of me wants that and part of me wants him just to use me for swing clubs so that emotionally he can still be connected to his wife.

I know there is no future for us, and there is not even anything substantive holding us together – just my love for him and his desire to go to swing clubs with a partner.

But even though I know all that, and I know he doesn’t like me as much as I like him (nor should he – I really want him to love his wife), I just can’t get enough of him. I ache for him so much. I know I can’t realistically expect to hear from him more than once every few weeks, but waiting to see him is so hard.

I even had a dream about him that he was at Onie’s club and a group of women, including me, were on one bed and another group, including “Kayla,” the older white woman who also loves Robert Hannibal, was on another bed. Robert Hannibal chose the bed Kayla was on, and I was so devastated in my dream!

I couldn’t wait any longer and emailed him on Feb. 3rd, asking if he wanted to go to the bi club he had told me about. I had a school event that night but I would gladly go all the way to Brooklyn just to see him, club or no club.

He said he had a dinner to go to so he didn’t know if he could make it. After my school event, I emailed him again to see if he would go to the club, but didn’t hear from him, so I ended up working at Onie’s club.

Work at Onie’s was slow that night as there weren’t many guys, and I didn’t get paid that much, but that was the night I met Don and India, who organize classy couples parties, so it wasn’t a total loss of a night. But when I checked my iPhone afterwards, I saw that Robert Hannibal had emailed me that he was going to the bi club after all.

I was so angry – I missed out on the chance to see him! I emailed him that he should have given me more notice, and he replied: “It was a spontaneous decision - my dinner ended later than I [thought] but early enough to allow me to spend an hour and leave by 11. I would have hated for you to get out there if it wasn't a good party and then have to go all the way back uptown.”

Of course, I could care less about the party itself. In fact, if it wasn’t a good party, that would increase my chances of having him to myself.

My life has certainly changed since meeting Robert Hannibal. Before, yes, I would have wanted there to be at least one pretty girl who was interested in getting with me in order to make the trek out there worth it. But after Robert Hannibal, swing clubs were just a pretext for me to get to see him.

But I couldn’t tell him that.

I replied on Feb. 7th, still a little angry that I had missed out on seeing him, but I asked him if we could go to a club that week. He never responded.

On Feb. 13, I emailed him about my experience working at Don and India’s classy upscale couples party, and I told him if I work there again, he and his wife should attend and we could all have a threesome. Then I told him to let me know if he goes to the bi club again.

I brought up the threesome again because I want to connect with his wife, the only woman who has a legitimate claim to Robert Hannibal. I will feel like I am not helping him cheat if his wife is involved, and maybe once we have a threesome, she will have sex with him more often. I love him so much, I really want him to have a happy and healthy marriage.

But as much as I honestly do want that for him, I want him to myself while I can have him. I was so sad that he hadn’t responded to my email.

On Feb. 17, 2011, my friend “Persia,” who I had first told about Robert Hannibal over Thanksgiving weekend when I wasn’t sure if he was married or not, visited me at my real full-time day job. I mostly talked with her about Robert Hannibal – I just love him so much and want to talk about him as much as I can, but given that he’s married and that I met him at my part-time job at an NSA swing club, there are not a lot of people I can talk to him about.

Persia, being so open-minded, does not judge my situation at all. She understands that Robert Hannibal is the first man I’ve ever been attracted to, the first man I’ve ever loved (though she doesn’t know I was previously only attracted to women, she just thinks I’m picky). She knows Robert Hannibal is the first (and so far, only) man I’ve ever enjoyed sex with, and she knows I just want to enjoy being with him while I can.

I also told her about the contract my Mormon friend “Jane” had me sign – stipulating that I would not do anything that would keep me outside the Mormon temple after March 31, 2011. Persia said I needed to extend the contract – she said now that I finally enjoy sex with a man, I can’t give it up so soon. She is right – I will definitely extend the contract – through the summer, I think.

About an hour after she left, Robert Hannibal emailed me to ask if I could make it to the bi party in Brooklyn by 9pm that night! I was so happy to see his email! Of course I responded that I could make it, and I texted Persia to let her know. She responded: “It was written in the stars that you and I would meet today, talk about [Robert Hannibal], then he would contact you :)” – it did seem perfect that he emailed me when he did.

We met up at the subway station, and I had to restrain myself from wrapping myself around him and kissing him. I would never show my affection for him in public – if someone who knew that he’s a married man happened to see him kissing me, a woman not his wife, I would feel so terrible. But even if I couldn’t show how much I loved him in public, I just appreciated the chance to be near him, to talk with him.

Somehow we started talking about jury duty, and he told me about being called to serve on a jury for a man who was accused of molesting his daughter. He said that was hard, given that he has a daughter himself. I love Robert Hannibal - he’s such a good father!

I told him about my uncle who was falsely accused of molestation by his wife’s gay brother – the gay brother had an unrequited crush on my uncle and lied. Fortunately, the truth won out and my uncle was cleared, but it was still a horrible ordeal for him to go through, and so I told Robert Hannibal I’m sensitive about the issue.

When we got to the club, I realized it was the same club I had gone to over Thanksgiving weekend, that fateful weekend when I was waiting for an email from Robert Hannibal, still unsure if he was married or not, and wanting to find a guy to take me to couples clubs in case Robert Hannibal really was married, and also hoping to find a girl or a couple for a threesome. None of that happened, but those ugly memories of those men having me for free were dimmed when I entered the club with Robert Hannibal. Just holding his hand can cleanse me.

We got the club tour and then sat and watched the porn that was showing. I told him if tonight is a “bi” night, the porn should be girl-on-girl, and then we made the suggestion to the manager, but she said they didn’t have any. I really don’t like porn, and only like it if it is girl-on-girl.

Then we kept walking around, Robert Hannibal earnestly looking for couples or single women, me earnestly hoping not to find any. There weren’t many couples, and anyone he pointed out to me was not attractive to me. No one could compete with Robert Hannibal.

He knows my ultimate preference for a woman is an Indian woman, and there was a couple where the man was white and the woman appeared Indian. Robert Hannibal kept asking me about her, and I said she was okay, but I also said I didn’t want to get with the man.

Robert Hannibal said “women have the power” in these situations, and I don’t have to get with the woman’s man if I didn’t want to. But I still had memories from our first “date” at Trapeze where I had to have sex with the Asian woman’s boyfriend.

The couple left at some point, and Robert Hannibal said I missed my chance. I hoped Robert Hannibal would then be content to just have sex alone with me, but he kept looking around.

I never thought I would prefer to have sex alone with a man. But Robert Hannibal is unlike any other man I’ve ever met. Swinging with lots of different women, which had been my fantasy for so long, was completely unappealing to me when Robert Hannibal was next to me.

Yet I started getting worried that if I was not into swinging enough, he would find someone else to go to these places with. I was so torn between wanting him all to myself but also understanding that I could lose any opportunity to be with him at all if I was too selfish. So I pretended to look around at the relatively few other couples, but I told him none of the other women were attractive to me.

Finally, he gave up and we went to one of the couples rooms. It was an open room with large connecting beds, so any other couple could enter if they wanted, but of course I hoped they wouldn’t.

Sex with Robert Hannibal was, as always, wonderful and amazing. I feel he is making love to me. Maybe he’s not. But I am definitely making love to him. I felt an increased intimacy with him and I couldn’t stop kissing him. The bed was so large and comfortable, he said he wished he could spend the night there.

I didn’t respond, but I wished it too. I would love to be able to actually spend the night with him, to be able to wake up with him. His wife is so lucky to have that.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t stay the night, and we both had work in the morning, so we couldn’t stay past midnight and had to leave. Even as Robert Hannibal and I were saying good-bye and the driver was waiting to take me home, I couldn’t stop kissing Robert Hannibal.

I have never liked kissing a guy before. Although I consider kissing more intimate than sex, it is not because kissing is so passionate for me. Often, kissing is pretty neutral for me. I can kiss just like I can have sex, with it meaning nothing to me. But I prefer having sex with a man than kissing him because I don’t like my mouth to be on anything ugly. I can kiss good-looking guys and be okay with it, but I still don’t feel anything. I’ve never gotten turned on by or enjoyed kissing a man.

But with Robert Hannibal, I love kissing him. This is so new for me. As we stood outside the club, it was so hard to pull myself away from him and get in the car to go home. I love him so much.

I think of him everyday, although he has not contacted me since that night. I will have to email him soon. I am leaving for a trip to Israel with my classmates over Spring Break, and I have to see him before I go. I will beg, if need be. I love him so much I have no shame.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

As I said earlier, when I was interviewing for this job with “PR,” the Puerto Rican promoter, I was led to believe that I would be the female part of the “couple,” with PR as the male part, and we would have lots of couples.

That was not the case. As I learned all too quickly, Onie’s club is primarily NSA open-room sex and group sex with single men.

PR also led me to believe that “Onie” was kind of a jerk, and that PR had my best interests in mind while Onie was just using us girls to get guys to attend the parties, and then paying us very little, considering all that we do.

It is true that we don’t get paid as much as if we were on our own, but I have come to realize that Onie is a good guy. I complained once about my pay to him and he texted me back after we agreed on increased pay for me: “Looking forward to seeing and talking with you. I really want you to be happy when you leave.”

Also, I still feel angry that I let PR have sex with me twice – I only did so because I thought I was interviewing for a job as a swing couple, and of course, if I’m supposed to be the “girlfriend,” the “boyfriend” needs to have sex with me. If I had gotten the job straight from Onie, I never would have had to sleep with PR. Not that PR is so bad in bed – he’s just like any other guy – but I just hate men having sex with me for free, and PR got to have me twice for free.

However, when I was working at Onie’s club on February 3, 2011, PR introduced me to a nice young couple, “India” and “Don.” The woman, “India,” was Indian, plump, but with a pretty face, and PR told them I was friendly and liked women.

India and Don told me they host couples-and-single-women-only parties, and when they told me the name of their parties, I was so excited! I told them I had heard about their parties and had read an article written by one of their hostesses about her experience at their parties.

They said that PR had told them I would be a good hostess and they asked if I wanted to be a hostess at their next party, which was Feb. 12 – of course I said yes! Finally I would get to go to a nice upscale party with young good-looking couples.

As a hostess at Don and India’s party, I would get to meet all the couples, and after things get into motion, I could start playing with the couples if I wanted. I couldn’t wait to finally be at a nice, classy swing party! I was so glad that PR had recommended me for this job.

After the couple left, PR asked me if I got to talk with Don and India, and I said yes, and that they told me about their parties that they host. PR then suggested that he and I go to their next party as a couple. I was a little confused because I thought PR had recommended me for the hostess job, which meant I couldn’t go as a couple, so I just said that I thought I would be going anyway.

When I left the club I was angry because I got an email from Robert Hannibal saying that he had gone to the bi club in Brooklyn that night – he didn’t get any action but I was still mad. I told him he needed to give me more notice because I had been working at Onie’s and couldn’t check my phone but would have gone with him to the bi club had I known. He said it was a “spontaneous decision,” but I was hurt because I want to always be included in any decision to go to a club – to go anywhere without his wife, actually.

I didn’t tell Robert Hannibal about my upcoming job to work at Don and India’s party – I decided I would tell him after the fact, and then he could fill me in on how the “One Leg Up” and “Do You Know George” parties are, and we could do a comparison of our experiences.

In the meantime, I just looked forward to Don and India’s party, and when I was working at Onie’s club on Friday, Feb. 11th, I was so excited because the next day I would be working at a real, classy, couples swing party.

That night at Onie’s club, I got together with “Tattoo,” a tattooed white girl who wears a wig, but her rule is “Don’t touch the hair!” I don’t know if she wears the wig just to hide her identity when she works here or if she’s bald, but I haven’t asked her.

Tattoo is nice and cool, but also loud and aggressive and served in the military. She was good at going down on me and then she had all of us girls on the bed together at once and going at it. She wouldn’t let any of the men touch us – she would say, “No touching!” and she would slap their hands away if they tried.

I met a nice man that night who wanted to date me but I am only interested if he can take me to “One Leg Up” parties – that is my new mission when I’m working at Onie’s - find a man who can take me to OLU parties and “Do You Know George” parties. My contract is expiring March 31, 2011 and I want to make sure I have gone to those parties!

That night, of course, I wished Robert Hannibal was there. It never used to bother me too much having sex with men, but now that I know how wonderful sex with a man can be, as long as the man is Robert Hannibal, it is even more of a chore to have sex with men. I miss Robert Hannibal so much. I had emailed him Feb. 7 about going to the bi club but he has not responded. I ache for him so much!

Saturday, Feb. 12, I was a little worried because that was the night of Don and India’s party, and they still hadn’t given me the address! I finally texted them around noon to find out what was going on, and they texted me that PR had said he would be in touch with me, so they “weren’t sure what was up.” I was so mad at PR. But they gave me the address and told me they could still use my help.

When I got to Don and India’s party that night, they said it was a good thing I had shown up because the guy who was supposed to do coat check hadn’t been in contact with them at all. So I was the coat check girl, and then I saw that Tattoo was the hostess! I was so mad! I asked her how she found out about the job, and she said PR had told her about it.

I was really upset with PR. He had tried to sabotage a job that I had originally been offered. And I was still sad that Robert Hannibal hadn’t contacted me. But I resolved to have fun that night regardless.

The party was in a penthouse suite in the Midtown East Side, and it was a two-story set-up with a spiral staircase. Very nice, with a nice large master bedroom and smaller bedroom downstairs, with the bar and lounge area upstairs.

And it was so refreshing being surrounded by young, good-looking couples, mostly in their 20’s and 30’s. The oldest couples were in their late 40’s, but all were nice-looking and dressed in cocktail attire. I enjoyed talking to them, and at one point Don asked me and Tattoo to go at it to get the couples motivated.

Tattoo went down on me in the lounge area in front of the bar, and the couples looked on. Tattoo is very good at this, and I realized I couldn’t be mad at her when it was PR who had tried to ruin my job, not Tattoo.

I met a nice, very good-looking couple, and was hoping the girl and I would get together, but it didn’t happen. The guy asked for my phone number, and I hope they call me. I like the girl a lot – she’s a typical hot blonde, which is not usually my type, but she was not just hot, she was very pretty, too.

I thought it so strange, however, that she went down on her boyfriend and said she was content just with that. She said it made her happy to make him happy. I knew inside myself that if Robert Hannibal actually had a commitment to me, such as marriage, I would go down on him. Even though I hate that act so much, I love him so much that if we were married I would do whatever he wanted sexually – just to make him happy.

Throughout the night, I compared the dynamics of this party with previous swing parties I had gone to and the orgies I used to have with “Dan” in the Philippines with his friends, and the “orgies” at Onie’s club.

With Dan, the group sex just happened organically, which I liked. At the swing parties I had gone to, I mostly just ended up with men, and one time I told the host I was mad because I had specifically gone to meet women, so the host introduced me to a couple and I ended up having a good time.

At Onie’s club, when a bunch of us are on the large bed together it is the most fun, but often we are having sex with one man while other men are touching us and kissing our bodies. We usually start off with icebreakers, which I hate but which PR loves, and that supposedly gets people going.

At this party, the bar upstairs was ostensibly the icebreaker, while the party game was a further icebreaker. With this game, each female was given a key and each male a lock. Each person had to find whoever their match was, and the idea was that their match wouldn’t be their own partner. Someone pointed out that the men should have the key in order for the game to be anatomically correct, but there were more keys than locks somehow.

Also at this party, most of the couples were real couples, meaning they were in committed relationships, and many were married. At Onie’s club, when couples do arrive, it is often just a guy, and a girl who helped him get in at the couple’s price.

There were two single women, and although one of the women got somewhat involved, the other didn’t. It really seemed better to have a partner.

One couple was a regular at Don and India’s parties, and they were married, just like Don and India. I wondered if I were married, would I still want an open marriage? With Dan, I would have married him to have an open marriage and also nice in-laws (since I’m not close with my own parents, I’m always looking for surrogate parents), but now that I’ve met Robert Hannibal, I realize I really do want a traditional marriage, meaning completely monogamous, if I can actually be in love with my husband, something that had always seemed unreal to me before.

However, I still like looking at and touching good-looking women, so I did a little of that as the party wound down, but then had to resume my coat-check duties. Most of the couples seemed to have a good time. I guess it was good for their marriages and relationship to shake it up a little by attending these types of parties occasionally, but I began to understand that if I were married to someone I love, I would rather be with him than with any woman.

After the party, I helped Don and India and “Bart,” the bartender, clean up. I asked Don and India again about what PR had said to them about me, and they said that he wanted to go to the party with me as a date, and he recommended Tattoo to be the hostess. I was so mad, because Don and India offered me the job first.

But we also talked about upcoming parties they would do, and I was so excited to be a part of this new classy couples world. The following morning I had to be at a church just a few blocks away for my class at school, so I spent the night in the suite with Don and India and Bart. Bart and I shared the bed in the smaller bedroom - he wanted to have sex with me, but he totally respected me when I said no.

The next Monday, PR left me a voice message asking me how Don and India’s party went, but I never called him back. The next day, Tuesday the 15th (yesterday), when I was working at Onie’s club, PR asked me why I didn’t return his call. I told PR I was upset that he tried to sabotage my job at the couples party, that Don and India had only needed one hostess and they were waiting to hear from him about me working there because he had told them he would be in touch with me.

PR denied it, of course, but I knew I couldn’t trust him. I just made my peace with him but internally I kept my distance. I also decided I wouldn’t let him kiss me anymore or touch me anymore. Previously, although I don’t let the customers kiss me, I would let PR kiss me because he was my boss and we had already kissed and had sex, and he is nice-looking. But now I wouldn’t.

The rest of the night was okay – I met a nice-looking Turkish guy who stayed with me til the end of the night – I always like to have a nice-looking and intelligent guy stay with me til the end of the shift because the later it gets, the less I want to work. But even though I was with this nice guy, I missed Robert Hannibal incredibly!