Tug Whisperer • Writer • Soulful Speaker

Full disclosure in the spirit of transparency

(Get yourself a coffee or tea... it's a long one)

Based on a myriad of life experiences, I'm moved to connect and serve other women who find themselves struggling. What better way than to share my own life stories: the good, the bad and the ugly. I don't know much, but I do know that to create a life you can look back on with fondness is to follow your tug... and to activate.

I also believe it's a great idea to offer our natural talents to the world and be able to sustain ourselves. So, I've created this website and I'm doing the whole social media thing, too. I'm having a great time... I enjoy connecting with family and friends and I love meeting new like-minded people. Social media is a great format for that.

To jump start my business, I decided to get as much help as I could on the marketing front. I listened to many webinars (seminars strictly provided through the internet). I opted in to get 'FREE gifts' and a few weeks later I would end up unsubscribing to their newsletter. I was getting two or three emails a day from the same person x however many marketers. It was all so overwhelming.

That's not to say I haven't learned a lot. Oh, I have. One recent interview I listened to was titled "Make Them Buy Now!" and was touted as the best-kept secrets to hooking your ideal client. I listened until the guy started suggesting we use 'shame' as one of the triggers. I'm telling you right now, I will never use shame to slyly manipulate anyone. Ever.

The thing is, this is not the first webinar or interview where the same type of information has been shared. I keep assuming 'they' must know. But every single time I hear it, my whole body shuts down and I can feel the resistance in me. It's strong and it almost makes me not want to have a business if it means I have to play that game to be successful. So, I've been checking in with my tug... it's never wrong. The truth is I hate 'selling'. I don't want to persuade anyone to buy my services and book, hear me speak or spend time at my retreat. There are thousands of other mentors, other writers, other speakers, other retreats out there... so why pick me? Well, because I'm not them. I bring my own flavour, my own truth.

I interrupt this message for a illustrative story... please stay with me:

When I was 19, I sold encyclopedias door to door. Yeah, I did. I didn't enjoy it, but I needed the money. I decided that with each person who opened the door, I would try and make a genuine connection. I had many doors slammed in my face, but not all. Some people would be gracious and invite me in. The presentation took 3 hours!!! Can you believe it? We had a horrible script that if we followed to the letter, we were guaranteed to close the deal. I did close the deal on several occasions, but not because of the script, of that I'm sure, because I never used it (I knew the material and spoke from the heart). I definitely needed to pay my bills so I was motivated to make money, but I truly lacked the drive to sell. What I really enjoyed was meeting all those interesting people. It felt like an adventure... and I'm all about the adventure! Some opened their door to me because they were lonely and were happy for the company. Some would offer me coffee and on occasion some much needed respite from the pouring rain or bitter cold outside. Oh the stories that were shared!

One time, I was dropped off in Toronto's Little Italy – my area for that day. A lovely old couple answered their door and invited me in. They didn't speak a word of English so they called their 17-year-old son to come and translate. Imagine how thrilled HE was to sit there for 3 hours... well longer actually because of all the stops an starts and questions they had. They were on board. They smiled eagerly and innocently and every time I mention "education for your children," their eyes would widen and their heads would nod in agreement. I had never had such a receptive audience. Their son was visibly embarrassed and wanted it all to be over. I had the contract out, the pen poised for their signature and they would be the proud owners of the $885 set of beautifully bound books (it was 1984... it's a lot of money now, but it was a mortgage payment back then). It was a long night and felt I had worked hard to really explain all the benefits of such a large investment.

But just before they signed, the old woman grabbed my arm and led me into the long, stark hallway of their simple bungalow. She opened the door of the second bedroom on the left. She beamed. She stood so proudly in front of floor to ceiling bookshelves. I counted 7 different sets of encyclopedias!! Clearly, they didn't need another set. It was superfluous, and I knew that at my core. Taking their money, although it was their choice and I understood that, didn't feel right. I felt, due to the language barrier, I'd be taking advantage. I told their teenager to please tell his parents that the last thing they needed to spend their money on is yet another set of encyclopedias.

The mother hugged me with tears in her eyes. I'll never forget it. Some would call me a loser and a sap... believe me, I could have used the commission of that sale! But I just couldn't do it.

One more story... are you still with me?

A few years later, I sold cars for a living. I was the first and only female salesperson in that particular Ford dealership. Why do I put myself in these situations? I'm not entirely sure... but, when things need to get done, like paying the rent and diapers... I do what I have to. Again, I spun things around and looked at it as a possible networking experience. Although sales didn't sound good to me... connecting with people did.

The whole dealership organization had a really hardcore selling scheme. We were trained and were expected to follow the formula. Basically, we were taught to drag the customer around the lot, "slam them into a car" and not let them leave until they bought. We were told never to believe the customer, they don't know what they want. If we worked the system, the customer would set foot on the lot looking for a pre-owned 4-door Escort and we would adeptly wear them down where they would be willing to buy just about anything just to get off the lot. It was an exercise in restraining them at all cost. Very successful salesmen would have those customers (a family of 5 with baby seats and two dogs) driving off in a brand new Mustang convertible. I was shocked and refused to comply with these tactics. The dealership was one of the top-selling dealerships in Canada at the time, with the worst customer service and the lowest repeat customer record. When new dealerships started to open up, giving the community new options, guess where they went?

Needless to say, I was not their favourite employee even though I did manage to sell a few cars each month. I hated every minute of that experience, except for when I was helping a customer decide on the best car for them, that was gratifying, I have to say. We were told that the minute a customer leaves the lot, they will never come back... that was a lost sale. And my manager would scold and shame me for letting them drive off... "why didn't I get back-up help to slam them?" Uh, maybe because "slamming" wasn't my style.

I liked my customers and they liked me... oh, and I trusted that when they said they needed to think about dropping several thousands of dollars on a car, they meant it. I know I would want to think about it. And when they said they wanted to look around I respected their decision to do so (I even sometimes let them know of another dealership down the road that might have something that suited them better). I also believed if the car I showed them was the right one, they'd come back and feel really good about their experience... and maybe even let other people know about me. Guess what, many did come back. That's how I sold all my cars. They pretty much all left the lot... and then came back. I had the least amount of complaint letters and received many personal thank-you notes, as well. My customers did, in fact, bring their brothers, sisters, aunts, fathers and friends to buy their next cars from me.

When I followed the dealership system... I felt sick to my stomach every time. Although I'm a rule follower by nature, I realize now that I was developing and learning to follow my own tug. I quit because the dealership and my manager's core values (how they treated their customers as not knowing their own minds) did not match my own. And because one of my customers kept my card, gave it to his colleague at his workplace and I got a call and was offered a job as a writer of promotional material. I didn't walk, I ran at this new opportunity.

Selling is just not for me. And I know that to be true to the core of my existence.

Okay, enough stories.What I'm coming around to finally figuring out is that my ideal client is really intelligent. She knows her own mind and knows she just needs some inspiration to get unstuck. She needs someone who has gone through what she's going through now and not judge her. She requires a mentor to treat her with the respect she deserves. She needs some time and space at a beautiful retreat to decompress and recharge. Mostly, she feels a connection with me. And clearly, she likes to read what I have to write, listen to what I have to say, and likes my energy.

Here is my pledge to you, dear ideal client

1) I REFUSE TO SELL you anything. Period. I will merely put my offerings out there and if you are drawn to me and my services and you choose to BUY then that's awesome... match made in heaven. It will be my absolute pleasure to help you in any way I can. If you're not quite sure what I offer... then I invite you to check out my SERVICES here and RETREAT package here.

2) I will not use trending marketing words and systems. I believe in you completely. I believe you know yourself and if you're anything like me, you run in the other direction at the slightest whiff of manipulative persuasion. I'm not here to influence you in any way. If you browse my website and you're not feeling it and click away... don't think twice about it. We're obviously not the right fit. Everything is as it should be. There are plenty of you where the fit is perfect. I can't wait to connect.

3) I will never attempt to up-sell you to a different, more expensive offering. You know your budget. You know what tugs at you. You're a big girl, you can decide what package suits you best. If you need help deciding, then give me a holler and I can help you through it, but ultimately, it is and will always be your choice. Always.If your insides are poking you... sit with it. Feel free to leave the lot and come back. If your insides are screaming "Yes, I want to work with Anne!!" then come on over to my SERVICES page here or my RETREAT page here and let's get started. I absolutely look forward to meeting and serving you.