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Foreign Office advises UK citizens to leave ‘boring’ Belgium

The Foreign Office has told UK citizens to leave Belgium as quickly as possible, claiming that it has become ‘dangerously tedious’. This follows months of tension, after the country was placed on a ‘drab alert’ back in the winter.

The situation initially worsened as bickering between Belgium’s French and Dutch communities, ‘usually good for a laugh if nothing else’, slumped into torpor in the face of its sheer pointlessness, combined with an alarming increase in the number of indigenous Plastic Bertrand enthusiasts.

The FO had told Brits to leave Poland three years ago because it was ‘architecturally shite’, but this marks a new low in relations with EU countries. Said Jenny Wilmott, 43, whose son Joe was stranded in Antwerp within striking range of an amateur cycling tour: ‘I just want my boy home. This senseless waste of lives has to stop.’