Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Ha... or maybe not, but it does officially start "Keane Mini Tour," a trip that Kat and I are taking which basically involves following our beloved British trio up and down the East Coast like dogs in heat.

Actually, this is Keane Mini Tour 2.0, subtitled 'For Real This Time'. Obviously back in September our plans were thwarted by a viciousfate, but time has healed all wounds, and now we're even more ready to go than we were before.

Actually, the Gods have smiled upon us and we have not only managed to score tickets to several shows (again), but we have hot seats for every one of them. We're going to be able to see the sweat on Tom's brow, and he's going to see... well... whatever we decide to show him. (Which I believe will be determined by the amount of alcohol consumed before each show).

Just kidding, Mom.

So anyway, yeah. This madness won't officially be over until next Thursday, so don't call me, I'll call you.

Tom, I'm comin' for ya' baby. This girl's gonna end up looking like an amateur. ;-)

However, things all started to go downhill last September when, in the same week, Paris was denied entrance to Hyde, had her CDs vandalized throughout the UK, AND most importantly, was arrested on a DUI charge.

After that charge, Princess Paris' license was suspended -- a fact that she seemed to take a bit too lightly. Just a month after signing a written notice that the license was suspended, Paris was caught driving -- at night without her headlights, no less. Yesterday, a judge who has quickly become my favorite person in the universe, sentenced her to 45 days in jail.

According to reports, she'll be confined to a 12x8 cell and she'll only be allowed out 1 hour a day to shower, watch television, go outside, or talk on the phone.

Forgive me while I do a merry little dance.

I know it probably sounds cruel for me to be celebrating someone's misfortune in such a way, but I don't feel sorry for her at all. Both before, during, and after the hearing, her words and actions once again showed her to be the pompous, self-absorbed idiot that she truly is.

Hilton showed up 20 minutes late for the 1.30pm hearing, powdering her nose on the way in. On the way out, she donned dark sunglasses to hide her tear-streaked eyes and runny makeup.

Once inside, the self-importance turned into desperation, as she played the blame game.

When a prosecutor asked if she had read the licence suspension notice mailed to her from the Department of Motor Vehicles, she replied: "I have people do that for me."

"This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayer money with all this nonsense. This is a joke," Kathy Hilton said of the judge‘s decision.

Actually, I can safely say that if I was a resident of California, there is, quite frankly, nothing that I'd rather see my tax money go towards, than incarcerating Paris Freaking Hilton. The tax-payers are probably dancing in the streets.

Her idiot lawyer made an equally dumb statement:

"I‘m shocked, I‘m surprised and really disheartened in the system that I‘ve worked in for close to 40 years," Weitzman said.

"I think she‘s singled out because of who she is," Weitzman said.

No. What you're actually surprised about, Mr. Lawyer Man, is that, for the first time EVER, Paris ISN'T being given preferential treatment because of who she is. She's going down just like anyone else.

Only, if it was anyone else, me and the rest of the world wouldn't be shedding the tears of happiness that we are night.