Tuesday, November 01, 2005

And the Sheep Goes to...

The decoration at left, which seemed appropriate for this festive entry, is the work of an accomplished Belgian vandal. I photographed it in Antwerp in the spring. It tells you something about how much there was to see and do in Antwerp that I stopped to photograph a drawing of men's underwear.*

Anyhow.

It seems that size does matter, at least to a large portion of those who read this blog.

Contest entries received: 55

Entries that included a joke about the sleazy man's endowment (or lack thereof): 22

You people, I swear.

Anyhow, it was tough to pick a favorite out of all the good stuff that came in. When more or less identical entries arrived, I decided to give priority to the earlier entry. Speed counts when you're cracking wise.

Before I get to the winner, we have some honorable mentions.

(Don't you go skipping right to the winner, either, or I shall be very cross. I'm watching you.)

Ickiest Mental Image: From Jack

"A jockstrap. Really? I would imagine you wearing a thong."

(Thanks, Jack. Only took me three hours to get that one out of my head.)

Best Slap with a Smile: From Sylvia in Texas

"What a simply charming idea! And then we can stuff it in your mouth!"

(Of course that's probably exactly the order of events the guy had in mind.)

Best Idea for a Future Issue of Knitter's: From Lucia

"Why, yes, and I'll throw in a matching gag."

(Somebody go call Lily Chin. We need this to be ready for the spring line-up.)

Best of the Size Jokes: From Gina (aka Ween)

"I don't have time to knit one of those for you at the moment, but I could whip out a cock ring. I'm sure you don't need a very big one."

(At last, we've found a logical use for stainless steel yarn.)

Take-No-Prisoners Award: From Carol S.

"Perhaps, sir, I should start with a knitted dick to put in it."

(Do not mess with Carol, kids. You will not win.)

And the winner, because it is pithy, it made me laugh out loud, and it would have made the target retreat into confused silence–which is exactly what I wanted:

"You look more like the poncho type to me."

Thanks to Sockbug. Sockbug, send me your address information via e-mail so I can ship you the sheep.

*Seriously, though, don't you love the exclamation point? It suggests that the artist was really excited about the subject matter. To write "SLIPPEN" would be merely to label the piece. To write "SLIPPEN!" is to convey to the viewer the joy of the creative process. Graffiti is so often banal in its pessimism. Here, the voice of hope cries out from the shingled wall. UNDERWEAR!

Hoo! Still wiping away the tears of laughter. Thanks! If you have any other honorable mentions you'd care to share with us, I wouldn't be against reading them, too. :) Congrats to Sockbug, though. Definitely the best choice. I also like your observation about the UNDERWEAR! exclamation point.

You can't imagine how envious I get when I read the cleverness of others. I have been a Dorothy Parker wannabe all my life with absolutely no pithy, cleverness whatsoever.

So sad.

One nice thing, you'll definitely be prepared should the same conversation arise. Unless, of course, the new requester of a jock strap was worthy enough that you'd want him to actually model one for you.

I would have loved to see his face to any of those replies. And your real reply...?

I also will agree Slippen! with a new pair of underwear sounds quite...um...adventurous....yes, adventurous. I think that when languages of that type use the exclamation point with what looks like a verb infinitive that means they are commanding someone to do something....and that scares me. Who commands somebody to do something with a painting of underwear?

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