Following the misery inflicted on Islam by a toy bear that ended up with calls for the execution of an English woman for blasphemy, more Muslims are stepping forward with stories of long-suppressed emotional trauma imposed on them by so-called reality.

This has led to the creation of support groups and social networks that help followers of the Prophet Mohammed cope with the agony of learning about life outside of their immediate environment, offering assistance with technical resources, practical guidance, and strategies for early intervention and punishment of those who offend Islam.

~

"I have always been offended by rubber ducks," says Mahmud Said of Portland, Oregon. "For a long time I felt stigmatized and inadequate, until one day I decided to write about it on an Internet forum. I received hundreds of heart-felt emails - from Morocco to Indonesia. It turns out that thousands of Muslim men between the ages of 18 and 35 have had traumatic experiences with rubber ducks.

"We started a support group that has grown to 10,000 members. Not only do we share horrifying rubber duck stories, we also try to increase public awareness by sabotaging the world supply of rubber ducks, setting fire to factories, abducting rubber duck distributors, and intimidating retailers. These are building blocks for our healthy future. With Allah as my witness, our public awareness campaign will soon result in a completely rubber-duck-free world."

Abdullah Sharif had just turned 35 when the Mohammed cartoon controversy suddenly broke out. It left him so emotionally scarred that he developed an aversion to representative art in all its forms. He often found himself shrieking while passing comics in a bookstore window, or seeing the funnies in the local newspaper. But while Abdullah had formerly been considered just another oddball, thanks to social networking, he is now a successful leader of an international charitable organization working for the betterment of humankind through imposing of Sharia law on the infidels.

His group covers a wide range of activities, from occasional riots, bombings, and beating of newspaper editors to writing threatening letters to the Cartoon Network. "One true believer may be a nutcase, but together we are the fastest growing religion on Earth, making the important cultural shift to a more Islam-dominated society that benefits both the true believers and the lowly kufir," boasts Abdullah. He recently moved to a new home in Malibu and is touring the world on a private Lear Jet.

Studies conducted by mental health professionals have shown that Muslim men and women are often offended by the most unexpected items, including baby rattles, hummingbirds, home appliances, or geographical maps with polar ice caps. On the top ten list of the most offensive things are rectal thermometers and the word "allometric," which many consider an underhanded insult to Allah.

Every such grievance is being thoroughly documented and acted upon by support groups and mental health providers, such as CAIR, that help victims to overcome their stress and anxiety by filing costly lawsuits against private institutions and government agencies.

The typical case involved a visitor from Egypt to Brooklyn, NY, who was offended by the sight of a cumulus cloud over Atlantic Avenue in the shape of the Arabic letter "A." By organizing protests and putting pressure on mass media, a network of Muslim groups and charities succeeded in forcing a Brooklyn judge to award the offended man $150,000 in damages, to be paid by the National Meteorological Agency. The Agency is the government body the Muslim groups deemed most responsible for regulating the proper distribution of water molecules over the New York metropolitan area.

Among the most bizarre cases is a lawsuit filed by religious and community leaders who claim that they are being unfairly targeted by gamma rays, neutrinos, and other forms of cosmic radiation. According to plaintiffs, the problem started immediately after they had complained to authorities about the disproportionately tangled shape of the Galactic magnetic field. Government agencies were fast to express dismay and sympathy for the victims, but none were willing to accept responsibility, and it seems they are playing a cynical game of administrative football with neutrino sufferers.

The World Health Organization (WHO) has called on national governments to provide financial backing for the network of Muslim self-help groups, twelve-step healing programs, and training camps, creating an environment that is more supportive and empowering for sufferers of Offended Muslim Syndrome (OMS).

"Being a Muslim today means to be always aware that something, somewhere, is somehow offensive to Islam," said a report issued by WHO, a specialized agency of the UN that acts as a coordinating authority on international public health. "It is a shame to see the wealthiest nations of the world stingily hold on to their pockets in the face of the largest epidemic of reality-induced psychological disorder in human history."

The WHO report provides a list of symptoms of the Offended Muslim Syndrome, suggesting that the condition be officially recognized as a disability, with the ensuing costs covered by Western governments. The report also includes advice and recommendations by leading UN-affiliated health professionals:

Symptoms of Offended Muslim Syndrome (OMS)

Irritability, agitation, anxiety at the sight of women who are not fully covered

Prolonged rage or unexplained killing sprees

Significant changes in immigration patterns

Brooding about the past glory of the Caliphate

Decreased effectiveness and minimal work productivity

Difficulty in understanding new information without a trial lawyer

Feelings of despair or hopelessness about the existence of Israel

Recurring thoughts of death to the infidels

In order to guard against OMS, health officials warn individuals who are at risk to make sure that the objective reality they are exposed to does not:

Make them aware of the outside world

Trigger curiosity about the Western notions of "logic" or "rationality"

Make life more enjoyable

Cause them to question the need for martyrdom

Have side effects such as independent thinking and longing to live as a productive individual

Create an illusion that communication with infidels is possible without hostage-taking

Spontaneously developed methods and techniques are already in place to help OMS sufferers: the Paris Youth Group, the Gaza System, the Beirut Procedure, and, of course, the Zawahiri Method - an easy-to-learn, do-it-yourself way to eliminate anxiety whenever you find anything offensive, by removing any negative thought or feeling below the neck of the offending party.

This method has proven to be particularly effective in breaking the patterns of thought and behavior among non-Muslims, whose very existence is suspected to be the leading cause of pain of anxiety afflicting the Muslim world.

In the interest of showing what can possibly insult Islam in the future (and as long as we're on the subject of rubber ducks) so that no comrade insults delicate Islamic sensibilities either purposely or inadvertently:

Saxophones are a Threat to Muslims because they think that any wind instrument needs to be used with one end in their ass. Their Mullah Approved™ wind instrument is a goat farting after eating a bushel of dates. They even find toilet paper offensive because toilet paper is a Western invention. It's to be used only for starting effigies of hateful infidels, such as George Bu$h, Uncle Sam and Jews on fire.

Do we sense a tone of bigotry in your voice, Komrade Kuuk? Just a little bit? No, no problem at all. But perhaps you would like to join Commissar Vodkov on the bench of purgees this Sunday at the Weekly Show Trial & Fundraising Activity? We may need a second victim in case Empress Hillary finishes off Vodkov too quickly and her appetite will still be raging. Would like to be a backup? It's for the good of The Party, mind you. It's all for The Common Good™ and For The Children™! We do it all for them!

Next week at the Show Trial & Fundraiser: in the spirit of diversity, multiculturalism, and solidarity with our Muslim brothers and sisters - stoning of thoughtcriminals and raffle!

Kommissar Vodkov knows a thing or two about persecution, having been hounded by reactionary elements recently. But let bygones be bygones.

Let me ask you this simple question: Who has the evil, Western, chri$tian, conservative white male NOT persecuted in the past and present? No one. That's right, no one. The Muslim world, the torchbearers of enlightenment and advancement through the ages, faces constant discrimination and oppression at the hands of this evil creature. I am not surprised they have finally drawn a line in the sand. Western evildoers, venture no further! Who are we to enjoy the fruits of our labour when others suffer, perhaps even without televisions and cars? What kind of selfishness is that? We must hand our countries over to the oppressed populations of the world and then live only to serve them to alleviate our Guilt™ from having brought the human race to this terrible state of cultural and technological advancement ehh no I mean grotesqueness. If you don't find yourself in a state of utter self-imposed helplessness and preferably state of starvation as well, be ashamed of yourself! You are not a worthy member of the human race. Lay down your shovels comrades and embrace our Muslim friends as our betters! Bring peace to the world!

Next week at the Show Trial & Fundraiser: in the spirit of diversity, multiculturalism, and solidarity with our Muslim brothers and sisters - stoning of thoughtcriminals and raffle!

This actually sounds like it could be a lot of fun! I really of want to be there and enjoy the stoning, raffle and all but in the interest of self preservation, I'm going to pass on that. When I say "self preservation" I mean for the good of the Party of course. The People™ want Kommissar Vodkov alive and fighting for their cause! If my purging were for the good of the disenfranchised, I would gladly present myself for stoning or ritualistic tearing apart at the hands of her Highness. I will therefore be safe in my sinister mountain bunker/fortress enjoying a chilled drink while Hillary slaughters Komrade Kuuk.

Lay down your shovels comrades and embrace our Muslim friends as our betters!At least until their usefulness for our overthrow of the future USSA has ended.Speaking of which, comrades, do we even have a double-crossing and cleanup plan in the works?

No!

We need a Special Double-Crossing Committee to be appointed immediately if we don't want the peaceful mental patients of the al-Qaeda Self-Help and Early Intervention Support Center to start modifying our own patterns of thought and behavior by cutting our f#@%^ heads off!!!!!!

Yes, Esteemed Red Square, I am a Bigot upon reflection. I have been corrupted by Western culture, depraved music and sinister technology. I have Grossly offended our Muslim brothers and sisters. What was I thinking? I must learn to be a good Party worker and supporter. If I must appear before our Beloved Queen and satisfy Her insatiable appetite for punishing thought criminals, I will be willing to attend the Trial. Oh, but to be in Her Majesty's presence!!!

Comrade Navigator. Are you fucking insane! Kill radical Muslims? I mean, it's not like we don't approve of mass killings. There can be no justice or equality without mass murder. Any reasonable person can surely see that. Our glorious leaders in the past knew this very well. Say the Ukrainians or some other troublesome nation is unable to see the benefits of embracing socialism - then we simply take away their potatoes. When half of them have starved to death, the survivors suddenly see reason and all is well and We Are Happy Together™. So you see, there can be no socialist bliss without a few million heads rolling.

But killing our Muslim extremist brothers? That's just insane. Or at least before they have helped us overthrow the U$A. After that, we couldn't care less.

Would you like to spearhead the Party's Special Double-Crossing Committee and Cleanup operation to deal with our Muslim extremist brothers after the overthrow of the U$A? Perhaps Comrade Kalashnikov can help.

Would you like to spearhead the Party's Special Double-Crossing Committee and Cleanup operation to deal with our Muslim extremist brothers after the overthrow of the U$A? Perhaps Comrade Kalashnikov can help.

Comrade Red Square. Maybe I was too quick on the draw there. Perhaps we need our radical Muslim friends alive after the revolution. After all, someone needs to keep the facist flyover states in line until they have been reeducated properly. I envision Comrade Bin Laden as a Kommissar in Charge of Flyover States Suppression. I think the good Reverend Al Sharpton would be an ideal Reeducation Minister for the area. Ohh what a glorious future!

Only a subversive as depraved as you could have employed such a nakedly running dog capitalist pig campaign as this, to apply to work with the (soon-to-be-loser, x2) John Edwards, in his latest legal shakedown apparatus!!! Absolutely shameless! What are you hoping for? To get a gig designing courtroom exhibits, with which the Silky Pony can extract $millions ($billions?) in concessions, and special social priviliges, for our militant, OMS-suffering bretheren?

...Speaking of which, comrades, do we even have a double-crossing and cleanup plan in the works?

No!

We need a Special Double-Crossing Committee to be appointed immediately....Perhaps Comrade Kalashnikov can help.

I'm afraid my skills at double-crossing are fairly poor, Exalted Crimson Hexahedron. My many years of toeing the Party™ line and kissing the backsides of my superiors has left me woefully inadequate at disloyalty.

However, in addition to cleaning various Augean stables, my skills as an engineer may come in handy in the "cleanup" portion of your plan. Please let me know.

But the crux of the matter is that "the peaceful mental patients of the al-Qaeda Self-Help and Early Intervention Support Center (may) start modifying our own patterns of thought and behavior by cutting our f#@%^ heads off!" Islamism, as a species of idealism, is objectively a weapon in the hands of the reactionaries, a vehicle of reaction.

And until we can dismantle this reactionary vehicle, we will have to act again and again as an observer of, and participant in, the idealogical clashes between the Islamists and the disloyal and sanctimonious liberal bourgeoisie who allow this sort of thing to continue.

A double-crossing and cleanup plan may be necessary to purge our Islamist friends. If this is true and if it is feasible (a particularly important condition!), then the result of the purge, the residue after it, will be an increase in the loyalty of workers who strive towards socialism, towards political consciousness, and towards the political struggle.

...Speaking of which, comrades, do we even have a double-crossing and cleanup plan in the works?As Kommissar of Fatwas, I've already established a double-cross/cleanup plan. You know, of course, that my Kommissar of Fatwas visage is a disguise designed for me by Putin himself when we were in the old (praise Lenin) KGB. Another former KGB colleage, Ivan Lustinov, disguised as Aymen you-know-who, is already issuing instructions to our agents disguised as "Burka Babes" on how to implement the "double-cross/cleanup" plan. Shown below are WMV and Flash versions of a video of such an operation by our crack agent, Sveet Nachkers, who posed as a "Burka Babe" in eliminating one of our temporary jihadist allies who was beginning to get suspicious of our ultimate plans. Don't be confused by the fact that her victim looks exactly like me-- that's because the jihadists are so stupid that it's easy to convince them that they'll get to heaven faster if they wear a life-like "Kommissar of Fatwas" mask after receiving their orders. (continued below)As this video demonstrates, our double-cross/cleanup plan will be quite efficient. Just ignore the doublespeak ending designed to also decieve intelligence agents of the capitalist pig enemies of the Collective.

Yes, Esteemed Red Square, I am a Bigot upon reflection. I have been corrupted by Western culture, depraved music and sinister technology. I have Grossly offended our Muslim brothers and sisters. What was I thinking? I must learn to be a good Party worker and supporter. If I must appear before our Beloved Queen and satisfy Her insatiable appetite for punishing thought criminals, I will be willing to attend the Trial. Oh, but to be in Her Majesty's presence!!!

Komrade Kuuk... Now that is the Proper Progressive spirit! If only our recently insane Criminal Kommissar would show such an attitude... Of course then we wouldn't have a need for the Show Trial/Fund Raiser Sunday.

Can I be appointed to Commissar of wallet redistribution when our double-crossing and cleanup plan begins. I promise to give every wallet I find to our beloved MTE. However, it is impossible to keep track of at least half the wallets I find.

Would you like to spearhead the Party's Special Double-Crossing Committee and Cleanup operation to deal with our Muslim extremist brothers after the overthrow of the U$A? Perhaps Comrade Kalashnikov can help.

Oh Glorious Cube, would it not be best to wait and see if there is anything left of Criminal Kommissar when Hillary is done? Now that I have your attention, I am sure you have heard of canine loyalty yada yada yada. Everything you have heard is true. However, as you know, Progressive Pup's are loyal to the Party, not one mere individual. Nor do I think it necessary to mention how canines are famous for taking people in with our innocent eyes and a tail wag... oh yes, that has saved this Commissar on many an occasion. Not that I am trying to influence your decision on who you would like to see serve on such a noble and important enterprise (there is some enterprise in this da?) such as the Double-Crossing Committee.

(Commissar Pupovich slipping his vodka rations Kommissar. I know how it is to be facing a show trial and purging... Been there, done that, and all I got was a lousy "I Got the Urge to Purge" blindfold.)

Commissar Pupovich, I am ready to rededicate myself to loyally serving the Party, The Children™, The Common Good™ and our Beloved Many Titted Empress. I will undergo treatment at the KGB Electro-Chemical Institute of Western Studies, to rid myself of Western thought, culture and the debilitating chemical dependency of LSD, nitrous oxide, vicodine, rectal suppositories and Viagra. Please, Commissar, pay no attention to the resulting burn marks on my temples, they tell me at the Institute they will pass. Then, I will be able to think and act without offending ALL of our Persecuted Brothers and Sisters who are with us in the Struggle against Democracy, George Bu$h, Dick Cheney(Lord Vader), rectal thermometers, rubber ducks and cosmic rays. Viva la Revolution!!! Hail Hillary, Our Beloved Empress and soon to be Maximum Leader for Life!!!

Outrage so deep and profound they cannot find the words to express it.Reminds me of an old Soviet joke:

A man is arrested on Red Square for distributing fliers. The KGB confiscate the fliers but then realize that are just blank sheets of paper."Why didn't you print anything on them?" they ask the man."Why bother?" the man says. "Everybody knows everything anyway."

...and all I got was a lousy "I Got the Urge to Purge" blindfold.)Reminds me of the Christian Peacemaker Teams guys who were taken hostage in Iraq by the Swords of Righteousness Brigade (the combination of the both group names sounds rather Montypythonian)...

washingtonpost.com

The four worked with Christian Peacemaker Teams, a Toronto- and Chicago-based group that opposes the Iraq war and has criticized treatment of detainees in U.S. and Iraqi jails.Will they ever criticize treatment of detainees by the Muslim extremists who chop off the heads of peace activists? Anyway, just a little belated illustration:

Can I be appointed to Commissar of wallet redistribution when our double-crossing and cleanup plan begins. I promise to give every wallet I find to our beloved MTE. However, it is impossible to keep track of at least half the wallets I find. Next, esteemed comrade, you can become a law-enforcement officer and enjoy the RICO statutes.

Quote:

I've got the urge to purge!could be misinterpreted either as (1) the cry of a bulimic, or (2) my gastrointestinal and emetic distress on seeing Rosie.

Chri$tian Peacemaker Teams? Are Chri$tians now our allies against U$ imperialism? I didn't see this coming.

I like the sound of this new Committee. As you all know, we are only pretending to be liberal and PC until we have taken over. After that, we will take off our masks and gloves. Yes comrades, the Communist Fist of Steel™ will emerge! We are forgetting that we will need to purge all of our allies who are not true Communists, not only our Islamic friends. All of our useful idiots will eventually have to be put to the sword including the Hippies, the ACLU and other elements which will be subject to changed status under true Communism. Ohh yes comrades, it's easy to change from useful to subversive without actually doing anything.

I think it's time we ask ourselves this question: Do we really need Hillary after the revolution? Is she a real Communist or merely a useful idiot? Perhaps we need a special double-crossing committee for her. I, Kommissar Vodkov, servant of the People™ hereby offer my services for that committee.

Ah, Vodkov, I like your way of thinking. For after all, she does take all the air out of the room, doesn't she? And her attitude. That attitude. She thinks the sun shines out her ass. And that smell. Well, one of the reasons that Slick didn't get re-elected in 1982 was that she was, er, less than feminine, shall we say. Can you say, "Janitor in a drum"?

And furthermore...Empress! How lovely to see you here! Why, Vodkov and I were just talking about how fetching you look in your jack boots! Do you want Bruno to spit shine them for you?

No? Well, er, I'll do it for you. Will that be okay?

Majesty, I don't look the look in your eye. Empress, why are you coming toward me? What's that in your hand...

My Empress Hillary, I just want to point out that I do not know a "Commissar Theorcritus," no, never had anything to do with him at all. Personally, I think as that famous lawman once said, we need to "Nip it, Nip it in the bud!"

In the interest of showing what can possibly insult Islam in the future (and as long as we're on the subject of rubber ducks) so that no comrade insults delicate Islamic sensibilities either purposely or inadvertently: Let this be a lesson to us all!

Put down the duck? Okay. Umm Mr. Duck. You a schmuck and nobody likes you.

comrade dirk, who has learned much wroteCan I be appointed to Commissar of wallet redistribution when our double-crossing and cleanup plan begins. I promise to give every wallet I find to our beloved MTE. However, it is impossible to keep track of at least half the wallets I find.

Next, esteemed comrade, you can become a law-enforcement officer and enjoy the RICO statutes.

Although I am as giddy as a clinton with an intern about a promotion, I must inquire what these RICO statutes are.

Oh dear Lenin.... RICO is the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act, It was originally aimed at the Mafia, but that is also what they use to go after my dear friendly outlaw biker friends.

They also use it to go after other people. A sheriff in Florida would stop Cubans and blacks and search them. He reasoned that any Cuban or black with more than $100 had to have gotten it illegally and therefore it could be seized under RICO. He'd give a receipt for an undetermined amount of money, which would be tendered to the county, which took part. The receipt was for an undetermined amount of money. To get it back, the black or Cuban had to post a 10% bond, which he might not have, and then prove his innocence, which is the true Soviet and not the American way.

One man in New York owned an apartment building and one tenant did a drug deal. The Feds stole his apartment building. I have heard of a man who shot a deer from a truck in New Mexico and it was a plant and the sheriff was waiting. They took his pick-up and he had to pay a bribe of $500 to get it out, and he had to make the payments.

In Texas I knew a US attorney who said that they did not seize vehicles with liens on them, for they were obliged to make the payments, and also (I gather) a nice new vehicle without a lien was sure proof of too much money.

I say, we must have had a majority in Congress once to have passed RICO.

Oh, they use that here as well, In fact, I thought they used that nationwide. Get caught with $10,000 cash, and it is confiscated and it is up to you to prove it was gained legally. To me, that is about as anti-American a concept as it gets.*Note to Party - do not underestimate the value of some current laws when we take over. We don't want to throw the cash cow out with the delousing shower.

In the eyes of the Party, this "Bush kills Arabs Dead" Teddy bear is a very effective propaganda product. It tells those Arabs who still want to collaborate with Americans and impose the so-called "free democratic capitalist society" on their countries, that Bush is going to kill them no matter what, just for who they are. What better way to stir the anti-Bush sentiment and bring the revolution one imperialist inch (2.5 people's centimeters) closer!

If such a bear didn't exist, the Visual Agitation Directorate would have to invent it and blame it on the VRWC.

Oh, they use that here as well, In fact, I thought they used that nationwide. Get caught with $10,000 cash, and it is confiscated and it is up to you to prove it was gained legally. To me, that is about as anti-American a concept as it gets.*Note to Party - do not underestimate the value of some current laws when we take over. We don't want to throw the cash cow out with the delousing shower.

Ask David Copperfield, the FBI takes Millions of dollars from his safe in Lost Wages while looking for sex tapes.

Ironically, he can make the Evil Representation of Amerika™ disappear but not the extortionist in WA. He could use Hillary and her great Bimbo eruption terminating abilities.David's millions stolen by the Feds and given to know other than "BUSHITLER"!

Comrade Bubalsky, our major problem will be that there are those people like us already embedded in government, where they have access to (unearned) power and OPM, all those things that get me so hot and bothered. After all, what's an honest socialist without lots of OPM and power? Nothing. Nothing. So they'll have to either show their obeisance by stepping aside in the halls when we pass or deferring to us in line, as is their proper place come the revolution. After all, a wet is a wet is a wet, and if they're wet Americans they'll be wet socialists. To the wall with them if they don't defer.

And they're doing such a good job too in weakening AmeriKKK'as position in the world: STate has just released the NIE report and it just gutted anti-terrorist efforts. If I didn't know that Meow was entirely too tight to buy that sort of treachery, I'd think he did it.

call before 1pm eastern time1 (877) 310-2100(404) 872-0750 in the Atlanta area

Neal is a nationally syndicated talk radio host in my home gulag of Atlanta...This man is a evil capitalist pig who is a filthy racist...He is a White Male!!!! <me> He believes that the common prole should be allowed to carry firearms...CONCEALED!!!! He is a promoter of the FAIRTAX, that should tell you all you need to know...Wanting to give the power back to the people!!!!! I say this man needs to be PURGED immediately!!!!!

Eggslent!! The Ministry of Truth should be proud for being recognized by this bitter, fascist, capitalist pig as a threat to his precious "democracy!" Give proles weapons? He is truly mad! Why, then they could shoot back at our caring and beloved Party members!

Comrades, surely it has not escaped your notice that we have used 9/11 and the TSA to disarm America. People will become used to traveling even in their cars with nothing more than small plastic bottles of shampoo, and shortly we shall give knives serial numbers, as they do now in the northern part of England.

Cut the red wire? How dare you threaten to cut the RED wire? If we all went around cutting the red wires how would we be able to receive the signals from Laika? And besides, I thought dogs were colorblind.

One can buy all sorts of costumes for their dog. (Note I do not include the adjective "cute.") I've never taken a good look at them, because I can't without making my eyes roll, but I seem to recall catching glimpses of pink fairy princess outfits and even BDU-style camouflage--which makes me wonder if the animal rights/anti-war activists are aware of this atrocity.

I already know what would happen if Wal-Mart or PetSmart tried to sell a costume similar to what the cat is wearing.

I don't understand those people either. Why can't they just settle for a dog that will kill and eat small animals that are unwanted on the property and will run away for several days and return covered in manure with a big happy smile on their faces and act like nothing is wrong.

Yes, a dog will run off and come back covered with crap and still adore you. Aren't you pleased? That is brings shit home just to you?

Dogs will kill rattlesnakes, but cats will too. A dog is a pack animal and if it likes you, it's because you're alpha male. A cat is a solitary hunter, and if it likes you, that's a compliment. But I admit that you have to get used to them for until you have one...

I can see having a large dog. I can see having a medium-sized dog. But when I remodeled Vita Nova, I ordered garbage grinders big enough for a chihuahua.

I never cared much for small dogs myself. But you must not have read the latest in why cats became "domesticated." At least what I read was as humans developed agriculture they started storing grains, which of course attracted rats. So cats just saw being around humans as you guessed it....food!

Well, getting rid of pestilential nuisances like Jehovah's Witnesses is one thing, indeed. But you could do it with this:

And without the noise, the digging, the destruction, and the stink. When a cat doesn't like you, it goes away. When a dog doesn't like you, it tries to bite you. When a cat likes you, it may want to be petted. When a dog likes you, it tries to hunch your leg. And the noise...the stench...

<off>I always tell them to salute my Old Glory flying from my porch when I answer the door and then when they refuse to salute I tell them to get the f@#k off my property and quit pestering me, because that flag represents the Constitution, the country, and the brave military soldiers, sailors and airmen who died protecting it that allows them to pester me and if they like pestering people, they better damn well salute that flag.Works every time.

<off>I always tell them to salute my Old Glory flying from my porch when I answer the door and then when they refuse to salute I tell them to get the f@#k off my property and quit pestering me, because that flag represents the Constitution, the country, and the brave military soldiers, sailors and airmen who died protecting it that allows them to pester me and if they like pestering people, they better damn well salute that flag.Works every time.

My parents let themselves get sucked into JWs shortly after I was born. They got divorced when I was 16, and I've always been glad they did. The JWs "disfellowshipped" (expelled) them for it, and for me and my sibs, it was like being released from a horrible stranglehold.

In fact, they bear an uncanny resemblance to a certain political system we all know and love. I wish I could say something nice about them.

In my day, we would've been ordered under pain of losing all eternal life to stay far away from the old Laika place with his false idol on the front porch, because he's obviously infected with highly contagious demons.

Praise Lenin I can laugh now, but at least you know what drove me to vodka!

P.S. And I'm glad I'm starting to see more of a different kind of "pair of knockers" around here instead of the usual!

<off>I was raised in the Church of Christ, which I think has gotten better--but the kids used to go home and cry after church. When I found Ayn Rand I used her to pry me away from it, and I've not been back since I was 16 and I had to humiliate my parents to get them to stop making me go. I'd sit as far from the front as possible, never look up, never sing, never bow my head, and sleep as much as possible. And punch the wall with a forefinger every time the preacher made a solecism. Which was often. Yes, I was a real proctologist's delight, but it was survival.

But is this really any different from the Progressive system? It's all a need for a structure. People find something which offers some hope and then they bend themselves to it, instead of questioning it and seeing if it makes sense. Not many people think for themselves, and this explains not only our Many Titted Empress but her followers. Who do not, as I once thought, necessarily think that they'll be taking part in all her little goodies, but want the structure that she provides. It is called death, but that's another thing.

Theo - your little story reminds me of my own Soviet childhood spent at Young Pioneer meetings, Komsomol meetings, and later mandatory Party indoctrination meetings. It was probably much like your church, only there was no such option as "not to attend" or "humiliate my parents to get them to stop making me go." The part of humiliating your parents would be handled by the government if you didn't go. Also unlike you we didn't have to wait for our hypothetical rewards and punishments in the afterlife since we already lived in a "paradise." Our rewards and punishments were not hypothetical but very concrete and immediate.

During such activities I was mostly drawing doodles, caricatures of the speakers, and such. At one time I covered the entire page in my notebook with pictures of Jesus on a cross, and was promptly taken to the school principle who tried to investigate the origins of such thoughtcrime as drawing Jesus (it wasn't called thoughtcrime, but the meaning was the same). I couldn't tell him why I drew it because I didn't even know it myself. Now I'm guessing it was a subconscious protest against the mind-numbing and insulting ideology, and probably a reflection of a longing for an escape into some alternative reality. Or maybe the pictures were just a metaphor for the mental and psychological torture to which they were subjecting us.

I wish I could say the words I've just written back then and there, in the principal's office. That would've been fun. I can picture his smug face turning the color of the revolutionary flag. Ayn Rand would've been of help, of course, only in the old USSR she was a non-person and her books didn't exist in nature.

But we're digressing. This thread is dedicated to a different kind of Religion® - that of Peace®, Awareness®, Resistance®, and Anti-Imperialism®. Drawing pictures of Mohammed would hardly cause any controversy at all. Wait, did I just say that?...

Drawing pictures of Mohammed would hardly cause any controversy at all. Wait, did I just say that?...

Oooohhhh... You'sa gonna get it now!...

[karakter off]

Red, that's some scary shit, man. I'm glad that a) I live in the U.S. and have never had to go through anything like that (we'll see when HRC takes the throne...). And b) You made it out in one piece (mentally) and are here to scare the rest of us "straight," so to speak.

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

Ex-president Obama declares Irma "Hurricane of Peace," urges not to jump to conclusions and succumb to stormophobia

CNN: Trump reverses Obama's executive order banning hurricanes

ISIS claims responsibility for a total solar eclipse over the lands of American crusaders and nonbelievers

When asked if they could point to North Korea on a map many college students didn't know what a map was

CNN: We must bring America into the 21st century by replacing the 18th century Constitution with 19th century poetry

Pelosi: 'We have to impeach the president in order to find out what we impeached him for'

BREAKING: As of Saturday July 8, 2017, all of Earth's ecosystems have shut down as per Prince Charles's super scientific pronouncement made 96 months ago. Everything is dead. All is lost. Life on Earth is no more.

DNC to pick new election slogan out of four finalists: 'Give us more government or everyone dies,' 'Vote for Democrats or everyone dies,' 'Impeach Trump or everyone dies,' 'Stop the fearmongering or everyone dies'

Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power" is humanity's last chance to save the Earth before it ends five years ago

Experts: The more we embrace diversity the more everything is the same

Study: Many non-voters still undecided on how they're not going to vote

The Evolution of Dissent: on November 8th the nation is to decide whether dissent will stop being racist and become sexist - or it will once again be patriotic as it was for 8 years under George W. Bush

Venezuela solves starvation problem by making it mandatory to buy food

China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"

Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'

Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%

America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith

Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine

Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET

Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths

Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'

Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State

President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise