Gay Weddings Have Made the City Lots of Money, and Five Other Lessons We Could Learn From The Simpsons

Legalizing gay marriage in New York has not only made the state that much more civil rights-ful, it’s made the city big wads of cash—an estimated $16 million in revenue in just a year, with a $259 million overall bump. Just like Homer in the classic Simpsons episode There’s Something About Marrying, gay weddings have been a huge paycheck the city. So what other great advice for NYC is hidden in show’s 24 (!) seasons? Lots! Mayor Bloomberg, Governor Cuomo, sit yourself down and let TV teach you a thing or two.

(Note: apologies for supplying images and not clips. Hulu doesn’t give any of the good stuff away for free.)

1. Made up holidays are a great source of civic pride and revenue.

Episode: Whacking Day. A Springfield holiday dedicated to beating snakes with a bat turns out to be a sham.

Advice: Let’s make some more stuff up to have festivals about. Puppy and Kitty fest. International GIF Carnival. Something.

2. Invest in light rail.

Episode: Marge vs. the Monorail. A huckster talks Springfield into investing city funds in a monorail to nowhere.

Advice: Okay, so it’s not EXACTLY the moral of the episode, but Springfield’s problem was they hired a crappy contractor. If we could get an air train out to LaGuardia, everyone’s life would be so much better. Monorail!

Advice: Okay so maybe this one also seems like the moral is to NOT legalize gambling but come on. So much money to be made! Why not, you know?

4. Legalize sex work.

Episode: Bart After Dark. Bart gets a job at a burlesque house. Busybody church ladies try to shut it down, but it turns out that everyone likes burlesque and also there is a fun song and dance number.

Advice: Seriously, we have to legalize sex work. It will reduce trafficking, reduce risks for sex workers, make everything safer for customers, and free up police time so they can do something other that arresting women for having condoms. This a win all around.

5. Just make that Planet of the Apes musical already.

Episode: A Fish Called Selma. A bunch of stuff happens with Selma and Troy McClure or whatever, but PLANET OF THE APES MUSICAL.

Advice: This might be more of a personal thing. But I love every ape, from chimpan-A to chimpanzee, and I want to see it on the Great White Way. What, Broadway, you’re too proud? You’re too busy doing your 28th year of the Lion King? Pfft.