SINCERE ADVICE for AC2394.

AC, since you've already taken the first steps in acknowledging your depression and contacting a therapist and staying with it, big props on that, it takes a lot of strength to do that. Now, here's the next step or two.

1) Seek approval from within, not strangers on the internet. Really, how much effect are the compliments of a stranger going to have? The person isn't tangible, it's not the same as having a friend personally affirm you or your qualities.

To find more approval from within, set some goals. You aren't a bad singer. Practice, practice, practice, and maybe you can get to the next level with that. You seem to have a passion for it, so if it makes you happy, dive in headfirst. Don't hold back. Don't regret.

Start weight training. Not only will it make you physically feel better, you'll notice bodily changes as well, which will improve your self-image. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing someone who needs compliments from others to keep his head up, you can look in the mirror and say, "Damn, I've come a long way and it feels great."

2) Cut out negative influences. Yes, I know I've been a dick to you, but that's because you seemed to ignore the sincere advice most of us have previously given you and instead spammed the forums asking for more. If someone tells you that you won't change the world, tell them you already have. You've changed someone's world. With enough effort, you can and will accomplish great things. With a proactive mentality and optimistic outlook, every day can be seen as an opportunity rather than drudgery.

3) Cut out behaviors that are not helping you. Fishing for compliments or a reason to stay optimistic in your quest for a boyfriend on here has become like sticking your hand in a pool of piranhas. Seeing the negativity aimed at you will only make you feel worse. Sure, you may think you're "sticking it to the haters," but really, the negativity is not going to stop unless you do.

You need to be the catalyst of your own change. Be the person you want to be. When others see you happy with yourself, they will be happier around you. Keep your head up. Optimism and proactive goal-setting is the answer. Ask, "Where do I want to be in 2 months in terms of ____?" Make these goals realistic. Not too high, but not slacker-ish either. You'll feel better once you accomplish some of these goals.

Oh wow, an actually nice post. Maybe you did listen to me when I told you that you were being too huge of a douche on the forums. What a nice surprise! Too bad no one will see it cus everyone has you on block already.

hazardous saidOh wow, an actually nice post. Maybe you did listen to me when I told you that you were being too huge of a douche on the forums. What a nice surprise! Too bad no one will see it cus everyone has you on block already.

You two are an interesting couple.

We aren't together anymore. We broke up nearly two months ago. We've kinda played with the idea of getting back together but... not sure if/when.

FearTheFall saidMaybe he will actually listen to it if it's in its own thread???

AC, since you've already taken the first steps in acknowledging your depression and contacting a therapist and staying with it, big props on that, it takes a lot of strength to do that. Now, here's the next step or two.

1) Seek approval from within, not strangers on the internet. Really, how much effect are the compliments of a stranger going to have? The person isn't tangible, it's not the same as having a friend personally affirm you or your qualities.

To find more approval from within, set some goals. You aren't a bad singer. Practice, practice, practice, and maybe you can get to the next level with that. You seem to have a passion for it, so if it makes you happy, dive in headfirst. Don't hold back. Don't regret.

Start weight training. Not only will it make you physically feel better, you'll notice bodily changes as well, which will improve your self-image. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing someone who needs compliments from others to keep his head up, you can look in the mirror and say, "Damn, I've come a long way and it feels great."

2) Cut out negative influences. Yes, I know I've been a dick to you, but that's because you seemed to ignore the sincere advice most of us have previously given you and instead spammed the forums asking for more. If someone tells you that you won't change the world, tell them you already have. You've changed someone's world. With enough effort, you can and will accomplish great things. With a proactive mentality and optimistic outlook, every day can be seen as an opportunity rather than drudgery.

3) Cut out behaviors that are not helping you. Fishing for compliments or a reason to stay optimistic in your quest for a boyfriend on here has become like sticking your hand in a pool of piranhas. Seeing the negativity aimed at you will only make you feel worse. Sure, you may think you're "sticking it to the haters," but really, the negativity is not going to stop unless you do.

You need to be the catalyst of your own change. Be the person you want to be. When others see you happy with yourself, they will be happier around you. Keep your head up. Optimism and proactive goal-setting is the answer. Ask, "Where do I want to be in 2 months in terms of ____?" Make these goals realistic. Not too high, but not slacker-ish either. You'll feel better once you accomplish some of these goals.

I can't believe what i'm reading...FearTheFall actually sounds like a decent guy in this thread. It's a totally different tone to the thread you posted yeserday about AC2394. Good on you though. I only hope that you've also pulled the ED webpage you posted on him. But this is definitely a step in the right direction.

FearTheFall said...1) Seek approval from within, not strangers on the internet. Really, how much effect are the compliments of a stranger going to have? The person isn't tangible, it's not the same as having a friend personally affirm you or your qualities.

Nice message. I knew you had it in you. I don't completely agree with the point I quoted. Certainly having a support network in person is best, but there are guys who just don't have that for whatever reason. Many have stated here that RJ sometimes serves in that role. The ones on the internet who are negative or try to run a guy down should be considered not real or relevant and best ignored, but those who are uplifting or pay compliments can have a very real impact. A couple of examples: 1) In response to a picture comment, a guy I didn't know wrote back and said that put a smile on his face the whole day. 2) Another friend in the internet, know fairly well but never met in person is going through some difficult times. I don't have any simple solutions for him, but still offered some encouragement. He wrote back, "You can't imagine how much your message meant to me." So my point is the positive impact can be very real, even over the internet.

FearTheFall saidMaybe he will actually listen to it if it's in its own thread???

AC, since you've already taken the first steps in acknowledging your depression and contacting a therapist and staying with it, big props on that, it takes a lot of strength to do that. Now, here's the next step or two.

1) Seek approval from within, not strangers on the internet. Really, how much effect are the compliments of a stranger going to have? The person isn't tangible, it's not the same as having a friend personally affirm you or your qualities.

To find more approval from within, set some goals. You aren't a bad singer. Practice, practice, practice, and maybe you can get to the next level with that. You seem to have a passion for it, so if it makes you happy, dive in headfirst. Don't hold back. Don't regret.

Start weight training. Not only will it make you physically feel better, you'll notice bodily changes as well, which will improve your self-image. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing someone who needs compliments from others to keep his head up, you can look in the mirror and say, "Damn, I've come a long way and it feels great."

2) Cut out negative influences. Yes, I know I've been a dick to you, but that's because you seemed to ignore the sincere advice most of us have previously given you and instead spammed the forums asking for more. If someone tells you that you won't change the world, tell them you already have. You've changed someone's world. With enough effort, you can and will accomplish great things. With a proactive mentality and optimistic outlook, every day can be seen as an opportunity rather than drudgery.

3) Cut out behaviors that are not helping you. Fishing for compliments or a reason to stay optimistic in your quest for a boyfriend on here has become like sticking your hand in a pool of piranhas. Seeing the negativity aimed at you will only make you feel worse. Sure, you may think you're "sticking it to the haters," but really, the negativity is not going to stop unless you do.

You need to be the catalyst of your own change. Be the person you want to be. When others see you happy with yourself, they will be happier around you. Keep your head up. Optimism and proactive goal-setting is the answer. Ask, "Where do I want to be in 2 months in terms of ____?" Make these goals realistic. Not too high, but not slacker-ish either. You'll feel better once you accomplish some of these goals.

I can't believe what i'm reading...FearTheFall actually sounds like a decent guy in this thread. It's a totally different tone to the thread you posted yeserday about AC2394. Good on you though. I only hope that you've also pulled the ED webpage you posted on him. But this is definitely a step in the right direction.

ED died.

And no, I'm not gonna pussy up and become one of y'all PC-types but both offering tidbits of advice and being as mean as possible didn't work to help him. Approach #3.

FearTheFall said...1) Seek approval from within, not strangers on the internet. Really, how much effect are the compliments of a stranger going to have? The person isn't tangible, it's not the same as having a friend personally affirm you or your qualities.

Nice message. I knew you had it in you. I don't completely agree with the point I quoted. Certainly having a support network in person is best, but there are guys who just don't have that for whatever reason. Many have stated here that RJ sometimes serves in that role

First, I want to kudos to FearTheFall for this very welcome surprise. You really should be applauded for this thread.

I do agree with you Socal, that Real Jock can be useful for some people looking for a support network, but I think it is very important for ac2394 to move beyond the online world, as his posts and threads are frequently discussing shyness and not being able to find friends. He is getting medication for his depression which means he must be seeing a professional. My suggestion for ac would to look for a support group for depression. Not only would you be discussing and hearing the ways others deal with condition, just talking to other people would be a big step in dealing with your shyness and help in developing some social skills. If you get nothing else out of it, I think at the very least you find that there are other people who are worse off than you. That's a perspective that can make you take a different look at your life. You live in a very large city, so there has got to be many support groups.

FearTheFall said...1) Seek approval from within, not strangers on the internet. Really, how much effect are the compliments of a stranger going to have? The person isn't tangible, it's not the same as having a friend personally affirm you or your qualities.

Nice message. I knew you had it in you. I don't completely agree with the point I quoted. Certainly having a support network in person is best, but there are guys who just don't have that for whatever reason. Many have stated here that RJ sometimes serves in that role

First, I want to kudos to FearTheFall for this very welcome surprise. You really should be applauded for this thread.

I do agree with you Socal, that Real Jock can be useful for some people looking for a support network, but I think it is very important for ac2394 to move beyond the online world, as his posts and threads are frequently discussing shyness and not being able to find friends. He is getting medication for his depression which means he must be seeing a professional. My suggestion for ac would to look for a support group for depression. Not only would you be discussing and hearing the ways others deal with condition, just talking to other people would be a big step in dealing with your shyness and help in developing some social skills. If you get nothing else out of it, I think at the very least you find that there are other people who are worse off than you. That's a perspective that can make you take a different look at your life. You live in a very large city, so there has got to be many support groups.

Certainly you're correct that getting help includes not only therapy but also local support. But for many the first stop seems to be on-line, such as Real Jock. The effect of on-line interactions can either be encouraging the next steps or can be to slap them down when they are most vulnerable.

socalfitness saidCertainly you're correct that getting help includes not only therapy but also local support. But for many the first stop seems to be on-line, such as Real Jock. The effect of on-line interactions can either be encouraging the next steps or can be to slap them down when they are most vulnerable.

However, he's been going at it for a very long time and it doesn't seem to be helping him make progress. It's similar to a junkie needing a quick fix. We need to get him off the drugs (compliments), not keep funneling them to him since he needs to place his self-esteem in his own hands.