Some people have their careers laid out for them the second they’re born. If your last name is Crentist, for instance, you’re going to become a dentist. Clearsky, a pilot: Stainsonpants, a blogger. Unfortunately for 31-year-old Cameo Adawn Crispi, her last name foretold a future of charred bacon and revenge.

(Mmm…charred bacon and revenge.)

A Uintah County woman is accused of trying to set fire to her ex-boyfriend’s home with a pound of bacon left burning on a gas stove.

Crispi’s ex-boyfriend called Naples police March 14 to report that he’d received “multiple phone calls and texts” from her in an hour and wanted it to stop, according to charging documents. He also said he did not want her at his home.

“I asked to come in and observed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove,” the officer wrote, noting that he also found a cookie sheet loaded with a pound of bacon sitting on top of the kitchen stove. I observed the burner to be on the setting ‘High’ and the bacon to be severely burned and smoking badly,” the officer wrote. (Via)

The one time you can get away with “do I smell bacon?” around cops, and I bet Crispi didn’t say it.