Federal Government Is Not Going to, Like, Narc Out or Whatever if States Permit Pot

Hey, man. So listen, the federal government already feels like super blissed out and doesn’t want to smoke pot but, like, if you feel like smoking pot, individual states, that’s chill. Just please don’t smoke inside and when you come back in the house, remember to close the screen door so the dog doesn’t get out. Oh shit, where is the dog?

Two weeks after Attorney General Eric Holder announced his intention to ease up on summoning the full powers of the judicial system to prosecute the living hell out of inner-city teenagers caught with two joints on their person, CNN reports that the Justice Department revealed “it won’t try to block state laws that legalize marijuana and issued loosened enforcement guidelines for federal prosecutors intended to focus on serious trafficking cases.” And earlier today, Holder “notified the governors of Colorado and Washington that the department, for now, will not seek to pre-empt those states’ laws, which followed voters’ approval of ballot measures that legalized recreational marijuana use.”

According to The Washington Post, Holder informed Governors Inslee and Hickenlooper of Washington and Colorado, respectively, that “federal prosecutors would be watching closely as the two states put in place a regulatory framework for marijuana in their states, and that prosecutors would be taking a ‘trust but verify’ approach.” This “trust but verify” approach is the very same tactic used by parents leaving high-schoolers home alone for a weekend: trust (that is, unconvincingly claim trust) but definitely still talk to the neighbors about keeping an eye out for any parties. And in what appears to be another cue from parents of teenagers, the Post also notes that the Justice Department claims it “reserves the right to revisit the issue.” Your freedom is a privilege, not a right, and it can be taken away just like the car keys.