One of the great blessings of my life is that I was a child before digital cameras and a teenager before YouTube. That means there are not 500 pictures of me naked in the bathtub on my Mom’s Facebook page, and that every dumb thing I decided to do on video wasn’t publicly archived for the enjoyment of the world. YouTube user DaftTonks seems to enjoy filming herself singing Ke$ha songs, and while there is nothing inherently wrong with that, her Boston Bruins-themed parody of “We R Who We R” has just exploded onto the Internet with exactly the right mix of bad singing, bad ideas, and fat kids.

I urge you to avoid the HEY TEENAGE BITCH HIT THE SALAD BAR YOU BITCH thing YouTube commenters have a tendency to do, and instead focus on the true star of the video, a kid identified only as “Antony.” Antony steals the show with his Biggie Smalls-style flow, and I think he’d be our next breakout Internet star if DaftTonks had bothered to sync up their performance to the music. The rushed, bated-breath tone of the song certainly hurts its impact. A wag of the finger to the producer!

But yeah, I’m pretty happy to be a guy struggling for success online instead of someone thrust into it against his will. I just want to be Brandon, not “Bruins Kid” or “hockey song fail girl.” At least now I know who to root for in the Stanley Cup Finals.

Sweet jorts. I swear the only people who love jorts more than Floridians are New Englanders.

/lived/went to school in RI for 4 years

06.03.11 at 1:48 pm

Buzzy Krumhunger

Forty years since a win…twenty years since a sniff…and this is the best these kids today can do? Bugger it, after watching that abortion, I can wait another forty goddamn years, thank you.

06.03.11 at 2:40 pm

Big Ben's Bodyguard

@UU, as a Boston fan and resident (who also happens to be a “dahhky” as Tommy says), who lived/went to school in NY for three years, I can safely say that NY sports fans are equally douchey, obnoxious, entitled, ignorant, racist and every other pejorative you can think of. Really, we all suck.

06.03.11 at 2:45 pm

Big Ben's Bodyguard

And those kids are not to be hated, but pitied. They will get tortured for years in their own school for posting that trainwreck.

06.03.11 at 2:47 pm

Upstate Underdog

@BBB. luckily for me when I went to school in RI most Boston fans weren’t as douchey as they are today. But yeah, in general we all suck.

06.03.11 at 3:51 pm

Big Ben's Bodyguard

@UU, can we all all agree to hate the Heat then?

06.03.11 at 9:14 pm

Garipeto

This cannot be lost from the Series of Tubes, we need new links =/

06.03.11 at 11:11 pm

Obama Carcillo

the kids worth being felt sorry for them?? that is the reality. Rather than those kids feeling sorry for themselves, start going out exercising and working hard to keep yourself a healthy body. People are saying we are bad for making fun of them. If they want to improve lives, stop complaining on how they are being embarrassed by other people and start taking the initiative to make your lives better. Atleast those people in the biggest loser show WANT to take the initiative to have a better healthier life.