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Monday, June 24, 2013

A Courageous Stand Against the Environ-Mentalists!

In a post-apocalyptic world where terror, danger, and absolute terror reign supreme, it is nice to know that some individuals are still standing up against the forces of terror, danger, and absolute terror.

In Tennessee, that individual is apocalypse survivor Sherwin Smith, deputy director of the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation. Smith is taking a courageous stand against environmental terrorists who are literally threatening to set the state's water supply on fire if their demands to end the so-called practice of "fracking" are not met.

Thankfully, we who like our water un-set-on-fire have a friend in Sherwin Smith. "We take water quality very seriously. Very, very seriously," Smith said at a recent meeting in Mount Pleasant, Tennessee organized by the hilariously-named State Representative Sheila Butt (R-Columbia). Not content to remain the butt of residents' complaints, Smith added that environ-mentalist warnings about water quality "can be considered under Homeland Security an act of terrorism."

"For far too long, the people of Tennessee have been rear-ended by these meddlesome environmentalists," Rep. Butt may well have said had she been interviewed for this story. "But now we can rest on our posteriors, knowing that this is all behind us. I, for one, just hope those environ-mentalists don't get their buttocks caught in the door on their way out of Tennessee," Rep. Butt may hypothetically have added.

Though this is indeed a victory for the good freedom-loving, terrorism-non-loving people of Tennessee, it is merely the first battle in a larger battle against environmental terrorists trying to light our water supply on fire and/or complain about the flammability of our water supply. We must stop them in the name of freedom!