Diana Maus art and life

July 7, 2009July 7, 2009

The dreaded “About Me” page

I have finally added an “about me” page to this blog after months of avoiding it. There may be little chance of anyone finding it at this late date so I thought I’d post it first and then let it rest as a simple header for those few who might be interested later.

___________________

Diana MausWith All My Heart Art

“Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.” –Confucius

I have resisted writing an about me page, but since I often read the About page on other blogs I decided not to hold out any longer. I resisted writing it initially because my “About” was mostly about the past, which I wish to forget, or at least get over. I also resisted it because my career was behind me (I took early retirement) and my CV, or my resume, and the list of my accomplishments, were no longer about me. It seems like it all happened to someone else.

I keep saying I am in midlife, or somewhere thereabouts, depending on how long I am expected to live, but right now I would have to live to be 112 for this to be the exact middle of my life. That one sentence pretty much defines who I am right now—one foot firmly planted in my future (that is a completed step) and one foot still stretched across the void, touching the crumbling cliffs of my past. My toe-hold on the past is weakening in the face of my need for an ever-larger future to balance the scales, right the wrongs, and let me say at the end that I got what I wanted at last.

A funny thing happens when that bridge is finally crossed and you are definitely on the “other side” of the midlife chasm. You look back as if from a ship at sea, the shore drifting farther, and farther away. Of course you are on a heading somewhere but many of us at this age don’t know our destination, or what unexpected port calls await us. It’s enough to still be sailing onward, able to feel the wind and spray, mentally and physically competent enough to understand all that you have come to know to be true (or false). And just as one at sea is relaxed and away from the craziness of everyday life, I am separated from the treadmill that was life in my 20s, 30s and 40s.

I am an artist, mother and wife. I have lived multiple lives, worked mainly in the arts, spending a few years as a technical illustrator at NASA and 18 years as a City Graphic Designer in the town next to where I grew up. I have had my share of achievements, awards, kudos, art exhibits, and had exhausted my interest in the graphic arts and publishing by the time I left. I still love illustration most, even though my job kept me busy with many different tasks.

My art now serves as a personal expression and love of artisanry. It’s a joy to work with color, light and form without constraint. I am most inspired by my ever-changing mood, be it love, anger, euphoria or depression. I love poetry and have been most inspired to create when I find those passages that reveal to me that I am not alone, that my exact thoughts have already been felt and recorded.

To sum it up, my art celebrates the heart—in hope, in pain, in love, in loss. My art is about passion. I believe the second half of life is risky, and that if you don’t find a passion, you will waste your only opportunity to have really lived. The first half was about survival. This half has to be about going for it… With All My Heart.

Hello, MosaicMoods. Your post reminds me of something Carl Jung wrote. He described two seasons in an adult life, and they sure ring true for me… In the first season we are obsessed with biological and social needs—making babies, raising children, earning money, pursuing a career—and many of us lose touch with our original dream, our original self. In the second season “the crisis of mid-life can serve to wake up this dreaming undiscovered Self and the rest of life can provide the opportunity for its development,” presenting us with a second chance to pursue our true calling. So here’s to a healthy mid-life crisis.

@Marstead Yes! I read Jung (and the others) years ago. How true those words are. I have found myself smack in the middle of all the so-called cliches about midlife…except they aren’t cliches when you are living them. They are transformative if you can go with the flow. I am ready for the ride of my life. I’m glad to have company.

It seems that we have another thing in common here; the avoidance of talking about ourselves for the sake of it. I don’t know about you, but I feel that I can talk about myself if it’s of direct relevance to the latest piece I’ve worked on, or the creative process. However, if it’s just to talk about myself for other people to hear, I seize up.

I guess my work speaks for me, but also I wonder who on earth would want to know me. Do you feel the same?

What’s interesting is that I love it when I learn a little bit more about you. So hooray for your ‘about’ page. And hooray for you doing something you find hard.

@Emma Well, being raised in the “seen and not heard” generation, I wasn’t often asked my opinion…about anything. And being the baby of the family meant my opinion was probably naive to them anyway.

This was before the cult of the child that we see now, with focus on the little ones and advice for how to instill self-esteem, etc. I know for a fact my parents didn’t view children like I do mine, as separate individuals with their own needs. I could go on but it’d be boring… they didn’t exactly have doting parents either.

I need to talk about my feelings but have been inhibited from doing so unless asked, so watch out because, once asked, I can go on, and on, and on… Probably why art works for me. It’s an acceptable form of self-expression.

It’s a pity we brand people for needing to be seen and heard but we continue to do so. Actually we first celebrate them – celebrities – and then we want to see them brought down to size. We are so ambivalence about others success at being. By we, I mean western culture. I can’t speak for non-English speaking ones.

“who on earth would want to know me”? Do I feel the same way? It’s obvious that I chose a profession that might encourage people to like me for what I make in addition to who I am… a little extra incentive. So, yeah I feel pretty much unnecessary otherwise.

I’m glad you found it interesting to hear something more personal. I’ll try to be more open. That’s why I started blogging, to break that ice that formed in childhood. I really was a very expressive child! Kind of obnoxious, ha ha.