Thursday, June 30, 2011

FFS kid. Do you know there are kids in the world who NEVER get to go to the zoo? Sure - the pacing tiger (plz note correct spelling) is a little depressing but I know you saw the chimp climbing the tree and flinging poop AND I KNOW YOU LAUGHED.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I am obsessed with this video. If this video was a religion I would not only devoutly follow it, but also stand at Taylor Square for 18 hours a day and proclaim this video from a milk crate. This video has, within seconds, transformed a hopelessly and irretrievably boring shit of a show into the best show ever. One more miracle and this video will be beatified.

I think I've made my point.

EXCEPT THAT THERE IS A PART TWO, WHICH ONLY ADDS WEIGHT TO MY BIBLE ANALOGY.

Apparently Game of Thrones has some seriously embellished gay sex scenes compared to the books. (Mad props to the writer who inserted the out-of-shot-yet-very-audible knight-on-knight gobby, BTW. Right after uncomfortable knight-on-knight chest-shaving scene, no less. Well played HBO.)

But I can honestly state that the sex was toned down in True Blood. I read the books and they were enough to make a Pony blush. Who knew a devoutly Christian southern nanna had so many fingering scenes in her?? Seriously. Fingering overdose. (Obvs HBO dialled the gayness waaaaay up, though. Pretty sure they have some sort of quota. Which is more than fine by me.)

Yeah, actually it is and also I can't bothered to actually outline any real issues about freedom of information/expression/speech vs all that BUT WHO WILL THINK OF THE CHILDREN??? junk.

To be honest the title was just a lazy segue into discussing the latest celluloid horrors dreamt up by Tom Six. In case you've been living under a rock without an internet connection or living a normal, productive life and haven't heard about the original Human Centipede, this is what Wikipedia has to say about it:

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is a 2010 Dutch horror film written and directed by Tom Six. The film tells the story of a German doctor who kidnaps three tourists and joins them surgically, mouth to anus, forming a "human centipede".

Yep. Unfortunately still haven't gotten around to seeing that one, but here are some artist renditions of what it may have been like:

Saturday, June 4, 2011

First 80% of the population of the earth gave Urban Outfitters an epic FUCK YOU for stealing some hapless, cute, indie, craft-lovin' Etsy seller's designs - crashing their site, making them remove the designs and selling aforementioned crafter out within a day.

Then Australia got all up in Adshel's face when they caved to some evil bible basher's objection to the proximity of gay "foreplay" near a PUBLIC TRANSPORT EMBARKATION ZONE and made Adshel eat shit, tell the Christians to fuck off, put the damn poster back and then give the safe sex campaigners cheaper rates ongoing.

Then some guy got his stolen MacBook back by using an app to film the shifty tech-napper with his webcam, using Tumblr and Twitter to make the villainous douchebag internationally infamous (and light a fire under some police ass) in the process.

But it looks like the internet was only just getting started!:

What would you do if your favourite local milk bar proprietor was about to go out of business after over 40 years of international beer vending?

Nothing? Sure - me too. But what if his name was Hercules?...

This is exactly what faced Kyle MacDonald (that dude who traded the red paperclip for the house) and Kyle was not about to let Hercules' Fancy Grocery go down the tubes. Not on his watch!

Kyle and his merry band of hipsters came up with a pretty straight forward solution - they rocked up and bought the shit out of Hercules' store. Everything. And then took all the shit from the shelves and fridges and popped it in a gallery and called it art. And cos it was a hipster gallery in NYC, no one said a thing for fear of "not getting it."