Wednesday, 8 September 2010

20 things the power rangers taught us..

1. Spandex makes excellent armour in battle, seeing as it never tears, even if it is attacked head-on with a sword.

2. Policemen, firemen, FBI agents, and other law enforcement officers cannot do their jobs correctly, so instead they have teenagers in neon jumpsuits do it for them.

3. No one has time to worry about burglars or terrorist threats because they are all to preoccupied running away from the giant, mutated monsters that are currently chasing them.

4. All teenagers have perfect teeth, maintain an A+ average, and know 206 different types of martial arts.

5. If you are fighting a mutant monster and are hit with any type of weapon with a blade, you will not bleed or receive a physical injury. Instead, sparks will shoot from your body as you fall to the ground in slow motion.

6. If you get a new teacher this year who is young, hot, has constant staring matches with your new, young, hot principal, and catches that rubber band you just shot at him without looking up from his desk, take it as an early warning and move to Europe.

8. You may not be old enough to drive, but you're never too young to pilot a 50 story robot.

9. Everyone knows how to diffuse a bomb.

10. Don't worry about the 5-year-old kid that was just crushed beneath the ceiling--no one ever dies from their injuries. They'll just walk funny for a few days afterwards.

11. When going into battle, always have several cheesy catch phrases ready to be yelled at your opponent at anytime--this goes for both the good and bad guys.

12. The standard equipment for all law enforcement personnel is as follows: a sword, some sort of laser-firing weapon (usually in the format of a gun), a 3-inch thick helmet that completely surrounds the head and weighs approximately 7 pounds, a nerd who does nothing else in life but sit around and come up with new weapon upgrades, and a giant robotic animal of some kind.

13. If you play a musical instrument in battle, do not expect it to sound like the actual instrument that you are playing (Example: a flute will sound like a trumpet, and so on and so forth…)

14. When you defeat your opponent, they do not just die; they spontaneously combust in a fiery explosion the size of Rhode Island.

15. If you live in a small town on the coast of California that no one has ever heard about (yet has an excellent tourist industry), expect it to be attacked by an evil wacko and his army of mutant freaks bent on world domination before you graduate high school.

16. If you have a sibling about your age (biological, half, step, twin, ect.), expect the evil wacko to brainwash them, turn them evil (especially if you have a twin), and pit them against you eventually.

17. If you do not have a sibling…expect to be surprised very soon…

18. Rome wasn't built in a day, but small metropolitan cities rebuild themselves overnight.

19. Whenever you arrive to a battle, make sure to procrastinate until the last second, yell at the top of your lungs, and break every law of physics.

And Finally…

20. If the evil mastermind is so freakin strong and powerful, WHY DOESN'T HE DESTROY YOU HIMSELF INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME WITH WEAK LACKEYS?!? C'mon now, really…