Public Display of Affection: Etiquette and Approaches

How Modern Society Approaches the Public Display of Affection

First off, what does PDA mean in a relationship? Well, PDA is the public display of affection, public kissing, hugging, touching, etc. The modern society is generally quite open to most forms of public display of affection and love. Of course, there are some limitations and rules that two individuals in love should follow not to make themselves look like fools.

If you want to know whether or not people around you will accept the public displays of love to your partner, you have to focus on some of the aspects of your surroundings.

Places like art exhibitions and cinemas are not the best places to show your affection to your partner, in the first case – you two will just be quite distracting to other people, the same goes for watching movies if there are people behind you – your movements, actions, and sounds may get quite annoying and distracting to other people watching a movie. Generally, any place that implies focus from people.

Places of cultural or religious significance should be avoided. Especially the latter. Of course, most religions won’t have anything against something like that, but you never know.

We would advise you not to go too excessive on the PDA with your partner when there are lots of people around. Some may find it distracting, some may find it disgusting. This is especially important if you are on some sort of a rally or a group meeting, where people are focused on something.

Now that we have found the answer to the question, “What does PDA stand for in relationships?” and we know how the modern society perceives it, let’s now talk about public display of affection etiquette and PDA rules.

Public Display of Affection Etiquette

While the meaning of PDA in relationships varies from a country to country, in general, people of the western world are quite tolerant of most forms of PDA. That being said, while you and your partner may find yourself overwhelmed with feelings, you should not forget about your surroundings.

As we’ve discussed above, remember some common rules of decency when it comes to picking a fitting place for PDA. Don’t do it in a crowded place or a place that requires attentiveness from people attending an event. To show or not to show feelings in public is a purely moral norm. And the limits of decency depend on the social norms of a particular country. Somewhere, for example, it is customary to kiss when meeting with a person, yet such a way of greeting a person may be prohibited in another country.

Now let’s look into some public display of affection facts, laws, and different cultural aspects of PDA.

Public Display of Affection Laws

The topic of public display of affection laws is a very difficult one to discuss, and it will be quite hard to talk about it without ruffling any feathers. Let’s just say that different cultures have different perceptions of kissing and PDA in general. The question of the importance of kissing was raised in a recent study, the results of which were published in the magazine called American Anthropologist. Scientists decided to test the often-repeated statement that a romantic kiss is an act of love in almost all cultures of the world. Professors did their best to be unbiased during the study, making the nature of the study quite clear, "We defined a kiss as a lip contact that lasts long enough for the saliva exchange." Most Americans would call this “reaching the first base.”

So, what was concluded during the course of the study? Probably the most fascinating discovery was that kisses are not really universal to humans, but even more so, they are not regarded as a traditional manifestation of love in most parts of the world. The professors unanimously stated that “The romantic/sexual kiss is perceived as an act of love in a small number of countries.”

Another interesting discovery made by researchers is that in cultures that kiss regularly, the so-called “erotic intentionality” usually has a higher degree of “social complexity.” In short, a kiss may be more about a sense of respect than affection and desire. To better understand the world of kisses, we spoke with an experienced relationship expert, a comedian and a former consultant on the script for the series Sex and the City, Greg Behrendt. As the co-author of the books “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken” and “It’s Just a Date: Hot to Get ‘em, How to Read ‘em, and How to Rock ‘em,” Behrendt told us about his opinion on the issues of PDA in Western countries, noting that people learn a lot about love from films.

“Our opinions are shaped by the films we watch,” says Behrendt, stating that movies are much more impactful in this than all the other forms of media.

The kisses in cinema are such a fascinating phenomenon that, in 1992, the MTV channel decided to establish the award “For the Best Kiss.” And thus, because there are quite a lot of memorable kisses in the movie industry each and every year, it is not surprising that people think that a kiss is a constant, it is essential to us and the way we interact with people that we love. However, research has turned everything we knew about kisses upside down, so we think it is worth exploring other ways that couples feel free to show their love.

Traditions of Tenderness

The world of kisses is quite diverse, and this was quite evident during the course of the study. American Anthropologist reported that some countries are characterized by the so-called “oceanic kissing” – it is when two individuals get intimately close to each other and enjoy each other’s smell. And this isn’t anything, history suggests that this form of intimacy has been practiced in some countries of Africa and India for a long time.

We cannot talk about culture without mentioning the issue of religion. Religion is yet another important factor that dictates the public perception of feelings. Mark Wildes, a rabbi, the leader and founder of the Manhattan Jewish Experience, told about the Jewish culture of kissing, "The Torah, the Jewish scripture, does not approve any form of intimacy before two people get engaged." The laws of faith, especially when it comes to intimate relationships, is quite a controversial topic among Jews, especially those that prohibit the public display of romantic attachment.

“People live differently,” admits Wildes. “We do our best not to condemn them for their preferences.”

However, cultural principles significantly influence the way two loving individuals show their affection to each other before getting engaged. In most countries of the Orthodox world, people in love almost never hold hands, even on a romantic date. It should be noted that such displays of affection are prohibited only to the people that are not engaged to each other. On the contrary, married individuals are very much encouraged to show their love for each other. Jewish culture is quite different from most Orthodox cultures, as the man has to ensure that his woman gets all the pleasure from an act of sex that he can provide her with.

So, in some cultures, it is not customary to kiss, in others, kissing before marriage is not approved, but in some countries, an act of PDA can be perceived in a very different way. Take Austria for example, where people who kiss on public transport are considered to be rude and uncivilized, so they are fined for their actions.

Indian people can’t seem to agree on the topic of PDA. Ten years ago, an arrest warrant was issued for Richard Gere because he had kissed Shilpa Shetty several times at a charity fundraiser. The issue of public affection divided Indian people into “Kiss of Love” demonstrators and counterdemonstrators. This turned any public manifestations of romantic love into a protest. Indian youth have different opinions on the matter of PDA, however, it seems like the majority of the Indian youth thinks that PDAs should be legal.

Similarly, the Middle Eastern countries have various prohibitions when it comes to PDA. Saudi Arabia opened up the first cinema in nearly 40 years, which aired the movie "The Black Panther," but they cut out all the kissing scenes out of the movie. We should mention that there is a clear difference between the cultures that don’t view kissing as a way of showing affection and love for one reason or another and those that prohibit almost all sorts of PDA. Behrendt also told us about the difficulties that Americans who try to comprehend the cultures where there are no public expressions of feeling face, “It’s really hard to understand those who were brought up living in another world.” Let’s talk about public displays of affection in schools.

Public Displays of Affection in School

In general, when it comes to kids, this is very much an uncomfortable topic, and the rules of such behavior highly depend on a country, religion, and in general, the people that operate a school. It is their personal opinion that will be the deciding factor in any case of public displays of affection in school. But what about the public display of affection psychology in children?

The reaction of a person to a couple that publicly demonstrates their feelings depends on the success of the passage of the oedipal triangulation phase, the relationship between mom, dad, and child. At the age of four or six, the boy begins to have tender feelings for his mother, he wants to be the only person in her life, but he sees an obstacle, his father. Then the child unconsciously has the simplest instincts - to kill the father to take his place. This is hampered by love and affection for the father. Thus, the boy is immersed in an ambivalent state: on the one hand, he wants to eliminate his father, on the other hand, he loves him. Girls find themselves in the same exact situation, but the roles are reversed.

As the child goes through this phase, they will, as an adult, react to lovers who publicly express their feelings. If everything went well and the mother told the boy that his wish in unfulfillable, the child, having matured, is more likely to adequately perceive the public display of feelings.

The child must recognize the fact that the parents are a couple, then the public manifestation of feelings will not cause anything but tolerance. Otherwise, a person will be brought up to believe that people that engage in a public show of affection should be condemned.