This is probably, prrrrrobably not true, but feelings-haver Taylor Swift may have made an enemy of Camelot by attempting to collect Kennedy boys like Pokémon. Apparently Tay-Tay made out with Patrick Schwarzenegger at a family event she attended with her boyfriend Conor Kennedy, and the whole clan except Conor is aware of this indiscretion. Just in case you didn't figure it out, here is the source being helpful: "She hooked up with two cousins on consecutive nights!" Thanks, Source!

The only reason this has like a 5% chance of being true is that rumors flew around earlier this summer that Swift was dating Schwarzenegger before Kennedy until Maria Shriver put a stop to it. But seriously, everyone, there is undoubtedly a historical and proud line of women who have pulled some Kennedy switcheroos in their day, and Lord knows those guys were into some shit. The moral of the story is that all roads lead to Arnold Schwarzenegger laughing at his own flatulence during your wedding. [Radar Online, Gossip Cop]

Taylor Swift also weirded out Ellie Goulding with her superfandom recently. [Fans Share]

Sarah Palin stepped out to shop with her daughter Willow in Los Angeles and looked thinner than everyone remembered. She also just announced that she and the Palin family will be penning a fitness book that recommends a regimen of comfort food and vigorous exercise, not to mention a reminder of just how literal baby names can be: "[Palin's] love of running inspired her to name her son "Track." Awesome, my kids are named Chardonnay and Help. [NYDN]

Lily Allen sparked some controversy after tweeting in response to UK health secretary Jeremy Hunt's support for cutting the abortion limit from 24 to 12 weeks: "'Can small minded idiot blokes stop telling women whether or not they're entitled to abortions please ? #enoughnow.'" And later: "The day the number of single father households equal the number of single mother households is the day I start to listen to their view." [Marie Claire UK, Twitter]

Janet Jackson has demanded a retraction from Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter after the magazine printed allegations that Michael Jackson's funeral was delayed due to a financial dispute Janet was involved in.

The excerpt from an upcoming book about the death of Jackson makes her look pretty bad, indeed: "Ms. Jackson put down a $40,000 deposit to secure a burial plot for Michael Jackson but refused to let the funeral take place until that money was repaid." Janet's lawyer replies that this is false, defamatory and hurtful. [Bossip]

The ever-charming Chris Brown has given a buttload of cash to his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran, who finally left him after numerous reports that he was cheating on her in every bar bathroom in New York with Rihanna. Brown wanted to "set her up financially and do right by her." Apparently Ri-Ri gave Tran a call as well, and the women spoke on the phone for close to two hours. If those walls could talk. [The Sun]

I regret to inform you that Beyoncé has dropped out of Clint Eastwood's long-awaited remake of A Star Is Born. Did she bail because of his Abbott and Chairstello routine at the RNC? Who knows. [Vulture, Bossip]

Samantha Geimer, the woman who was victimized by Roman Polanski as a girl, is writing a memoir. [USA Today]

Hulk Hogan warns his family (and us) that there might be another sex tape floating in the ether somewhere. If you need me I will be on Mars. [The Sun]

Louis CK is taking a sabbatical before jumping into the fourth season of Louie. [NY Times]

Apparently the reason behind Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman's split, more commonly referred to as The Worst Thing That Could Ever Happen And Just What Even Is Love Anymore, was DeVito's "wandering eye." Noooooes. [Page Six]

Alec Baldwin won't get into any more trouble for assaulting that photographer. [NY Post]