Breakfast WEEK!!! – Day Four

For today’s addition to my all breakfast theme week, I’m talking fast food. As an American, I feel compelled to admit that fast food is a regular part of my existence. It has been considerably less in my life over the last year or so, including breakfast. But drive through breaky has changed a whole lot for me. I think I might actually be getting it a bit more often, but I’m eating better. I’ll get to that in a hot second, but first the burning question. What’s my go-to fast food breakfast these days?

My breakfast does not actually include a mechanical pencil.

It’s Burger King. I pass one on my typical morning route, so it’s the obvious choice. I have a coffee and a sandwich. No hash browns. I love hash browns. I love almost every kind of them. I love the coin-shaped tatter tots that Burger King passes for them. I most prefer the for-realzy homemade ones, where you shred up just the right potatoes and toss them in a pan and let them crisp up and… MMMMFFFFFFUUUUUccckkckckckckm… I also enjoy that odd kinda-hash browns/kinda-tatter tots puck that McDonald’s has. But at almost as many calories for an unsatisfying small order of them, they are off the menu for me. I used to like the cheesy tots, and I think I may have been the only person on the planet who did ’cause they don’t serve them anymore. Bastards.

Marvel at its loveliness.

Alright, there’s no sense in holding out. It’s a large black coffee and a ham, egg, and cheese English muffin.

Look at her. She's glistening in the warm glow of the office.

It’s only 260 calories. It’s all the sustenance that I need, and it’s damned nummy. One of these days I’m going to switch from ham to bacon. It’s only 20 more calories – still well within my morning limit – and about a million times tastier. Well… I’m not really sure if it is. Generally yes, ham vs. bacon, bacon wins hands down. Bacon hatefucks ham to death. Except that fast food bacon often falls flat. In case you’re wondering, this is why your grandparents started getting a bigass ham for Christmas. It’s hard to fuck up ham. So if bacon is done right, it’s amazing. If it’s done alright, it’s still amazing. If it’s done wrong, oddly it can still even be good, but it’s so fucking disappointing.

I don’t know if I like BK or Mickey D’s English muffin breakfast sandwich best. I know that I absolutely love the McGriddle, but that it’s such a fat bomb it has no worth what so ever in my life. That blows. Until I start thinking about other breakfast possibilities. Then I realize that a homemade meal is going to be better, better for me, and overall more satisfying. Plus, I can have it in my boxers and/or with my dick out. FUCK YEAH!!!

tl;dr – Ham, egg, and cheese English muffin with a large, black coffee from BK in my dumb face.

2 Replies to “Breakfast WEEK!!! – Day Four”

260 is what their website and several calorie databases say, but I agree that it seems low. Thing about it is, the biggest calorie bomb in that sandwich is the muffin at 110. There is a hidden 30 cal boost that of a honey butter sauce that you could ask them not to do, but I find it’s worth it.

Anyway, mess around on the fancy website and you’ll see what I mean. Swap out some of the ingredients, and a breakfast sandwich from BK can climb to over 700. Fuckin’ hell.