Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out: A Blogger's Glass

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out. There isn't ever a theme or topic that you have to blog about- it's completely a personal thing.

Please grab the button for your post and link up!

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

Bloggers- we sit behind our computer screen and feel some freedom from that.

We choose what we want to talk about and what we don't.

It's easier to tell a difficult story on a blog than it is face-to-face sometimes, because we can edit our words, save in a draft, and think about it until we are sure we are telling our story the way that we want. And we won't get interrupted or veer off from what we wanted to say.

We can choose to talk about controversial issues, knowing that we can get our side out without being interrupted. We can be heard. We might have people who don't agree when they comment, but that's okay, too. None of us expects everyone to agree with every word that we write. That would be boring.

We can post stories and pics of our kids, sharing our lives with our readers.

We can rant and rave and be ourselves.

And when we read and comment on someone else's blog: we get to share in their personal experiences, debate issues, share in their lives. Because this blogging thing is about relationships- the blogs we visit- they are written by real people, living their lives, having struggles, having successes, and sharing it with us.

We can even read a post and decide- hey, this isn't for me and just click away without commenting.

Try doing that in real life- can't think of something to say that wouldn't be rude, so you just walk away and you'll still be seen as rude. But, in blog world, it's actually the polite thing to do.

Like I said, we don't have to agree with everything a blogger says. But, we don't have to be hateful about it.

I'm going to clarify this and say NO, I am NOT whining about someone being mean to me, though of course that happens. This is just in general and more of a reaction to things that have happened to blogfriends of mine recently than anything that has happened to me. Clear enough? Not a pity party for Shell. ;)

Seriously, people, you all give me so much support- how whiny would it seem for me to ignore all the positives that I get and make a huge deal out of what negative I get. But, I've always been one to get more riled up when someone does something to a friend than to me. Not to say that I don't feel hurt, maybe even cry a lot little and then go vent about it in an email to a friend.

I just wish that more people would remember that the people who read our blogs or our comments are real. With real feelings. That just because we are on the computer instead of face-to-face, it doesn't mean that we should forget about basic kindness.

To use a blog to make a personal attack about someone and then to defend that by saying "Well, it's my blog and I'm allowed to do that"....well, yes, you are.

Or if you tell people you don't care at all what they think and that they can kiss your ass- you can do that, too.

Or if you visit a blog for the very first time and decide to grab on to one sentence of what that blogger wrote and proceed to write a post tearing that blog to shreds because of that one sentence....

Well, you are free to do that. Because it is your blog.

But, I don't have to read or follow. And I'd bet that others feel the same. And yes, even if you aren't talking about them, but just generally being hateful, it will turn people away. There's enough ugly in this world- I'd rather go read something else. Blogs don't have to be all rainbows and sunshine, but there's no need to spew hatred, either.

No, I'd never go ahead and say go look at this-let me show you examples of what I'm talking about-and send people over out of anger- so please, don't ask me to show you the examples I'm talking about. Because we're all free to write what we want on our blogs, even if what we are writing is complete load of crap- though I do know that there is someone out there writing total lies about a dear friend of mine and well, there is such a thing as libel. So that "write what you want" thing does have limits.

Though, the main reason you'd never see me post a link and tell you to go take a look at something I find awful is mostly because, well, I have the most amazingly loyal readers ever- and all that would do would reward someone with traffic that they don't deserve.

The same thing goes for commenting. We all have our own opinions.

But, there is a way to disagree respectfully. Or, if you are someone who can't do that, then you can click away.

If I'm on another blog, leaving a comment, and I see someone who left a nasty comment, I will know to stay away from that person. You're making a reputation for yourself not only with what you write on your blog, but with how you comment, too.

And a side note to those of you who seem to sniff out blog drama, try to play both sides and try to egg it on: shame on you. You don't have to "take sides" because no one ever wins in these sorts of things, but the blog world is small and bloggers will find out that you are two-faced.

And on our own blogs, we can decide to delete a comment on our blogs because it's from someone who obviously is looking to pick a fight or didn't even read the entire post to learn what the real intent of the post was before they decide to get their panties in a bunch.

Or we can delete because the person is talking total nonsense or total trash.

Or we can delete because someone was rude enough to make a disparaging comment about our children.

Or we can delete because a comment starts causing drama that we don't feel like dealing with- with the comment causing lots of emails and concern and headaches that wouldn't be there if we just deleted the comment.

Because it's our space.

I think of so many of you as my friends. Not just some random person in the computer. Blog friends are real. I care about you. And when something like this happens to you, I can't just ignore it, even though it's not my fight.

These are our blogs, ladies and gentlemen. Express your opinions, be real, share a part of your life with us. But, remember that just as you have feelings and can be hurt by something, so can your readers. And so can the bloggers whose posts you comment on.

Please join me tomorrow(Thursday) night for a twitter chat at 10:30am EST. I'm not hosting, but I'm the featured blogger of the chat and came up with the topics- it will be fun! All you have to do to participate is to sign in with twitter at 10:30am HERE. I really hope some of you will join me!

I agree completely! I haven't seen much on blogs, but I had to stop going to a chat site about So You Think You Can Dance. The horrible things that people felt it was ok to say - everything from the weight and style of a judge to the sexual preference of a young dancer - I found it disgusting.

I totally "get" what your saying shell and i agree with you. Im not innocent Ive been known to say some harsh things on my blog, not about other bloggers but ppl in my life and it has come back to bite me in the butt... and its happened in blog land too. I was reading a one sided story & then actually emailed the other person and got a whole new perspective. I think we as bloggers should strive to stay out of the drama, or at least make an effort to see the other side.

Now today with the comment about a certain bloggers kid, i think thats what you are talking about we may have all got out of hand but i dont think there was another side to what the lady said about the other lady's kid ya know? Anyway I totally agree with you & I think everyone in blog land should read this post!!

I try to stay away from drama in real life, I don't need it in blog land. But behind the blogs are real people with real emotions and feelings so it gets tricky. I would never bash or attack a blogger back even if they hurt me. Posting about it is not the answer. Two wrongs don't make a right. Great post girl!

I always worry that something that I say in a comment is going to be taken the wrong way. It's happened to me a couple of times. I've never tried to leave a nasty comment, but I do have a tendency to tease and sometimes it gets taken the wrong way. I just hope that the majority of the blogs I comment on know that I'm trying to be friendly, and that my "lol"s and my ";D" are understanding "lol"s and ";D" Lol! ;DPS-Love the post, tough subject for sure.

One advantage of having hardly any readers is that there is no blog drama! People who haven't agreed with everything I've said in a post have either not commented or have been extremely respectful in disagreeing. I'm fine with someone disagreeing. If I'm blogging on a controversial topic, then I'm opening myself up for disagreement. I enjoy hearing disagreement when it's done respectfully. It helps me understand other viewpoints. So far, this has been the case!

I agree with every word. I wrote about women and drama last week and how it affects so many of us. You wrote this so well Shell, thank you. I hope the message gets through. I don't have time or the desire for drama. But, like you, I am very protective of my friends. I'm glad I have you as one. xoxo

Some days I feel like I haven't earned my stripes in blogging b/c I haven't gotten a negative comment... yet. ;-)

I haven't seen that a lot, but recently I was directed to a mean-spirited comment on someone's blog and I *did* go and comment in support of the blogger. Because it's one thing to say something about the adult blogger, it's one thing to say something about what they *wrote*, it's quite another to make rude comments about their kids. Not cool.

I think that's why I like REAL blogs like yours so much -- easy to remember that there are REAL people writing them. <3

I have yet to get negativity on my blog, but there may be many reasons for that. However, I do feel that my blog is mine and that I don't have to worry about why I say, I just hope that you all share your comments with me, good or bad.

Thanks for sharing and thanks for hosting such a great meme where we can be free to blog about whatever we would like! :)

I have definitely unfollowed people. And avoided others based on snotty comments they have left others. But people are rude... In the store, in schools, and even in Blog Land. It amazes me the things that people say.

I found this post extremely interesting. I have no idea of the drama you're talking about but am also an incredibly loyal friend so can understand you supporting her.I find it easy to delete comments and have been know to delete entire blog posts if they have been misunderstood and caused a ripple.Sadly some people seek to stir up strife and cause havoc.I loved the idea that if you disagree you can stop following and stop commenting and not be considered rude in blog land. Too true that would not be acceptable in real life.

I try to keep my blog relatively drama free because even if I feel super strongly about something, I can usually always identify with the other side of the story, plus I suck at confrontation. But a couple of weeks ago I responded in a not so nice way to some mean emails I received about my language...I ended up taking it down because I didn't think it reflected my true self very accurately and was not the way I wanted to portray my character to others.

This was a very good post done in a very classy way, and hopefully will serve as a nice reminder to some people who need it! Loves!

Yeah, mean people suck! I think the worst is if someone attacks your parenting skills, that one kills me. Everyone does this whole mommy thing differently and even when people agree on majority of issues no one will ever be on the same page as you. I have found in my seven short years of parenting that the only one that gets my skills 98% of the time is my husband because we do it together.

I agree with Thumper's mom - If you don't have something nice to say don't say it all.

What a great post! I don't understand people that would want to spread hate. One of the main reason I started blogging was to encourage others and find encouragement. Why bother, if that's not what you're doing?I totally agree with everything you said!! Hebrews 3:13-Encourage one another daily! :)

One of the wonderful parts of blogging is that ability to "walk away." I love it...I haven't gotten too much bad press, but my blog isn't that big either. I also try to steer away from major issues b/c I'm just too lazy to defend myself half the time. I have deleted comments from IRL people...mainly my father who has tried to start fights there. I can't stand it, so I pretend like the comment never went through. He never brings it up b/c he'd look stupid...no one gets hurt, I guess, right?

I'm fortunate, that I have not encountered this yet, but I have no doubt that it exists. I've said about people in my real life and carry the same thoughts to blogging: You can say this is you, take it or leave it, but that's no excuse for bad manners and being unkind, let alone cruel! When you use that disclaimer to degrade, defile and be generally nasty to other people, well then I'm leaving it.

This is so fantastically written that you, my dear, should receive a medal. You have captured some of my own feelings about blogging so meticulously. I had left blogging because I was sure an anonymous commenter was someone who knew me and was just being mean, as they are in real life as well. And I came back, because I have time again, and I've been very careful what I post because I don't want anyone saying anything to knock me down again. You, however, just reminded me I can delete those comments before I allow them to get to me! Thank you for that! And keep writing! This is a really fabulous post!!

I took a leap today with my post, posting something more controversial than I usually would, but I thought about it and realized that I can choose to delete a comment should I want to. That was all it took for me to go ahead and publish my post.

I completely agree. Although it's odd because I have never witnessed or been involved with blog drama. I don't know how or why, but I just seem to avoid it. I try to leave positive comments or at least not negative ones. People don't need that sort of junk.

To be mean or rude is just hurtful. I don't want to be around that - and I don't know who does.

WOW SHell! Thank you for this. I have not experienced this in the blog land but I commented on a political video that just came out and I got called a kool-aid drinker and the N-word! I was like seriously? Why can't we have a conversation and even disagree without it getting ugly? I didn't even say anything negative. Some people just have to be right. You can be right but lose the relationship!

While I'm clueless about the specific event you are talking about, I have seen this kind of thing in blogland before. I haven't received any negative comments (yet) and hope that at nearly 36 years of age, I'll have the maturity and grace needed to handle it appropriately, but I'm human and I have bad days, so ya just never know.

You have written this so thoughtfully and eloquently. It has heartfelt meaning. I also want you to know that I truly enjoy your blog!

I have recently removed myself from a few peoples blogs because I didn't agree with their knack of starting blog Drama. I know people seem to hate when people unfollow, but I just feel comfortable reading their blogs, and frankly tired of seeing it in my reader.

Recently, I have also found myself not commenting on certain blogs that I used to comment on all the time. I find that I can't agree with that post(s) and anything I say would not be nice, so I'd rather not say anything at all. Worse thing is, I feel awful for not being able to find something kind to say about the post(s).

Seriously, the Mean Girls in H.S. grow up and cause the blog drama. People are who they are, regardless of age, in my opinion. And, like you said, it's too easy to be mean when you're behind a computer screen.

I agree to an extent, but EVERYONE has an option to just not read like you said, just like every writer has the option to not hit publish. It's definitely by choice on both the writer and the readers account when it comes to blog drama!

I think sometimes bloggers just need to vent, there are ALWAYS 2 sides to a story & I see no reason why someone can't write what they are feeling on their own blog, regardless of the tone behind it. The point of blogging is to write for ourselves, right??? I know I vent sometimes because I'd rather sit here & type it out then surround my family with the BS going through my mind! I have never called out names, nor will I ever, & I do agree with what you said about that 100%.

In doing so I have been amazed by the maturity, support, & wisdom of those caught in the crossfire of my drama - I've learned things from them that I will carry with me always! I'm not really a sensitive person though so I can't relate to where you are coming from, but I definitely will remember this post the next time I feel the need to vent!

I totally agree! I write to write, I'll accept "friends" and whatnot but if you don't agree with what someone said, don't comment on that particular post. But if you're a true friend, you'll support whatever that person says.

I absolutely agree. Everyone has the agency to choose what they'd like to write about/read about. But I'd rather not create or engage in blog drama. I don't want to waste my time. I love getting to know other bloggers, reading their truly personal stories, laughing with them, even crying at times.

I have only had a few mean comments from trolls, and I chose to delete them. Even though they were stupid comments, and without merit, it still hurt my feelings. Why can't more people just live by the Golden Rule?

I've never understood mean girls. What sort of joy does it bring to your life to create drama? I just don't get it.

I've encountered a few trolls who've dropped into my blog. And every time something cruel or unnecessarily spiteful comes my way, I just try to take a deep breath and consider the source, how miserable that person must be to feel the need to spread hate.

I stand outside of blog drama and just peek in. I've never gotten involved except for one time when a blogger wrote something unkind about a dear bloggy friend of mine. My friend wrote a post defending herself and I supported her in a comment, that was it.

I think Shell, you and I, have learned to look beyond that kind of nonsense because we've always had to do that throughout our life. I think you know what I"m talking about. There are so many woe is me tales I could write, but I refuse to. It does no good except make more hurt and what good will that bring?

You've done a great job, as always, as ever lovin' always on this post, my friend.

Why can't we all just get along? Stop, drama queens. You're dragging the noble art of blogging into the mud. High school's over with. Grow up and find the joy in life.

I've only been blogging since March and I guess I've been pretty lucky so far since I haven't encountered any negativity really. I have seen a little of it on other blogs but I'm usually in the dark going "what's she talkin' about"? Great post though! I think for most of us blogging is an escape, something we love to do and not a place for hatred. Linking up for the first time today! :)

I've seen some posts lately dealing with this issue. Thank goodness, knock on wood, whatever, I have not had the bad fortune of rudeness at my site from commenters. I have had a very positive experience with connections and blogging! (even though I am known to say some outrageous stuff sometimes!)

Great Post (as always). So true that we need to remember these are all real people behind these blogs. :) It is sad that some people stoop to judging others just because of a blog post. I mean really you can't possibly know a person through reading one blog post.

Hi Shell, great post. I read a blog post today in fact which was a response by one clearly very upset blogger to a hateful commenter who had twice made nasty remarks about her child. How anyone can do that I do not know and I totally can understand the hurt generated as a result. My own response to such commeters is to simply ignore them. These bottom feeders are endlessly searching for soft hits, people they can hurt and get a reaction from and when they do they just feed off it and keep going. If you ignore them they go away and if ever anyone leaves a nasty comment on my blog ever again I will also delete it now I know how to do that :-)

Great post! I think because we are hidden behind our computer screens, some people think it's okay to "gossip" or be mean. They don't have to do it face to face.

They forget that there is real person behind the blog...and that person has feelings. These people would probably not do that to their friends face, so why do they think it's okay on a blog??? CRAZY! I really don't like that blogging has turned into a popularity contest! Who can have the most followers, who is the funniest, etc. Who cares? Is that why we got into blogging? Probably not!

I think some people just thrive off the drama and will create it anywhere - online or IRL. Those are the people I feel sorry for. I have actually had it happen in my life with family members who LOVE drama and will twist things around. I'm glad we have the power to delete comments and hateful people on our blogs.

Drama sucks, on blogs and in real life. The thing that is worse when it is online is that people feel like they can hide behind their computer and type away. They do not realize how hurtful the words they are typing can be. Good luck, I would stay away from people like that and their blogs.

I've had negative commenters on my blog which is fine, but I think some people miss having something called tact. I disagree with people but I'm polite about it. Some people are just all, "I think you suck, bitch," and there is no winning with them. Ahh well. I just have to remind myself that not everyone will like me and move on.

Completely agree. I definitely run across some posts and/or blogs that I don't agree with, but I keep those thoughts to myself. Our blogs should be a place where we can share our thoughts and not get judged for it!