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Monday, October 8, 2012

Best Divorce Letter Ever

Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I
have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your
boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the
last straw.Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new
haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair
of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you
don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the
case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER
& I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

---- Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your
letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a
good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much
because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that
doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the
1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my
mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I
didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have
gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years
ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence
that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of
this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit
the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2
tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As
Heck & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my
sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.