Accutane - do the side effects of isotretinoin reside over time?Do they remain for the whole life?

I m 20 yrs old and having 3rd-4th grade acne. My dermo prescribed me acutret 20mg last year but I didnt took it coz of a long list of dangerous side effects associated wid it... And my acne kept on increasing and started getting cystic acne of a size which almost covered my complete cheeks at a time. Then I tried several other things and noticed some difference in the size of the acne but they are still of 3rd-4th grade and also I have started breaking in regions I never broke before... Chin,forehead,back,shoulders,chest and neck... I again went to the dermo and asked not to prescribe any oral treatment... And so I was prescribed with topical adapalene gel and nadoxin antibiotic gel... But I didnt start dis treatment as well as now I think that if I m going into some treatment then that treatment sholud yield me 100%results. And for now I m not taking any treatmentactually I started breaking when I was 13... And since then I have taken treatment only once and that too only for 15days... I m very afraid of side effects caused by these medicines... As I m very sensitive towards my body and cant ever bear a hair's loss without reason! So wat should I do now? I feel so embarrassed... My complete face is always red! And is always bleeding from some or the other place... I want to get them treated now... As I have already spoiled 7 years of my life just thinking abt my acne what should I do??? I m doing research over the net for the last 1 year but unable to decide wat to do??? Will I be able to tolerate the side effects of isotretinoin??? Is it worth those side effects??