Lately

Lately, sitting down to compose a blog post has been low on my list of priorities. While I would like to blame my neglect of cyberspace on the gorgeous (albeit very humid) weather, in all truthfulness, other life events have been demanding my attention. In all the years that I have been reading blogs and participating in this amazing community, what I have valued most is learning about other people’s similar life experiences. I will never forget perusing Angela and Gena‘s blogs and gaining insight into recovery from an eating disorder. I frequently revisit Katie‘s well articulated posts on veganism and Amy‘s thoughts on living a balanced lifestyle. It takes courage to amalgamate and share the dialogue that goes on in our minds, but from my experience I know it to ultimately be useful.

My computer is blowing hot air onto my lap as I listen to Simon and Garfunkel (man, if only all music was this good) and try to put into words what life has been dishing out in the past new months. ‘Challenging’ is one word that comes to mind, especially since becoming a retired student and dealing with ample unstructured hours. ‘Wavering‘ is another adjective that pops up. My friend and I often check in on how each other are feeling using a rating system, by assigning a number from 1-10 (on an increasing scale) to our current state of being. Instead of the consistent sevens and eights that I had been citing, lately I’ve been a five at best.

Let me fill you in a bit on why I think this is so: life can be stressful. Nearly two months ago I interviewed for the full-time nursing position of my dreams. Not only is this job in my city and field of choice, it would also enable me to teach yoga on the side; factors of great importance for me. My happiness and sanity has been riding on the prospect of securing this job, and the stress associated with waiting for an answer has depleted my coping abilities in other areas of life.

Have you ever heard of the stress curve? It’s basic premise is that moderate amounts of stress are motivating, but too much may be debilitating to performance. Over the past two months of waiting to hear about this job, I have been slowing moving from green, to yellow, through orange, and have alarmingly approached red territory. Despite being educated in the field of healthcare, I’m not immune to ‘symptom googling’. Recently my desire to sleep in excess, loss of appetite, reduction in feeling pleasure from my favourite activities (namely, blogging), fatigue, and feeling like I’m wading through pudding have been leading me to think that I’ve been going through a bout of minor depression.

Phew. Strangely enough, it feel good to get that off my chest. Since coming to realize the trend in which my emotions have been going, I’ve started to make small manageable changes in my thoughts and actions. Thankfully I have started to feel better, and come Wednesday when the results of my interview are delivered, at least I will have a clearer picture of where life is headed. As unfortunate as depression, mental illness, and feeling ‘off’ is, it is all too common (1 in 5 Canadians will experience some form in their lifetime). Although everyone will have their own way of feeling better, here are a few things that I have found useful:

1) Talk to Someone You Trust- sometimes just talking through it can be of extreme benefit.

2) Do Something, Anything You Love- express yourself in a way that normally makes you feel good. Writing, drawing, cooking…

3) Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body- gaining the motivation to do so can be difficult, but refocusing your energy can be so beneficial. Follow along to a yoga video on YouTube or recruit a friend for a jog.

Whether or not you can relate to this post, I hope it provides even a glimmer of insight into how crucial mental wellness is. Before I leave you, I wanted to share this amazing quote from a book I recently read:

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” ~ Pema Chodron (From her book When Things Fall Apart)

No questions, just your thoughts

Note: This post is based on my own personal experience. I am not a medical doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist and all opinions are my own. If you are seeking help please contact your healthcare provider.

Comments (11)

Oh, Suzanne, I truly hope you get the job! I understand how the possibility of such a life-altering change can be stressful (and lead to depression from worrying so much). We’re currently trying to sell our house and buy a new one. Unfortunately, our house hasn’t sold as quickly as we had hoped, so we lost out on some houses that would have been perfect for us. As my grandmothers used to say, “everything happens for a reason,” so I have to believe it will all work out—for the both of us! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!Meredith @ Unexpectedly Magnificent recently posted…Wild Mushroom and Arugula Risotto

I was wondering where you went. I’m so sorry you having a stressful and downright crappy time right now. It’s ok to have those feelings at times though – it’s kind of a reminder of how good it is when we aren’t feeling it. But it still sucks :/
I’m thinking positive thoughts for you and the job (I hope you find out soon!) and also healing thoughts. Take this time to have some more downtime, watch some movies, catch up on sleep and enjoy some healthy comfort foods (chocolate is healthy!).
It is so tough having big life changes like this – it takes awhile to feel settled and feel ok with things. Just give yourself some time.
*hugs*

What a brave and honest post, Suzanne. I really appreciate your courage to share this with us and let it be known that your favorite readers will continue to stick around no matter how often or what you post on. I have been feeling “down” a bit too as I had a month filled with lots of change and lots of stress. You’re not alone and hopefully the cloud will lift soon. xoxo

I’m glad you wrote about this girl. I was just talking to some patients today about how mental health is still so stigmatized. But I think it’s important to talk about it!

I can relate to feeling depressed in the past during stressful times. But just keep in mind that help is out there! I was resistant to seeing a therapist for so long, but I was so glad when I finally did because she really helped me.