Saturday, June 15, 2013

Butchering Class - B Fails Chopping 101 - Aly Falls Over Laughing

July 1, 2010. My best friend and I tackled the new experience of how to butcher farm raised meat chickens. An experience I don't think either of us will ever forget, and thought we'd never attempt again, but yet here we are 3 years later and we both have meaties again....~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the last 10 weeks B has been raising these awful ugly smelly and totally disgusting meaties.

Horrible, disgusting little birds with fat ugly feet.

Last
week I had inquired to one of the local Amish families we know about
getting these birds processed for B. He said he would do it, and
that he'd be home all week this week.

B asked me to find out about Wednesday because that was the best day for her.

Monday
he wasn't home, Tuesday we weren't home, and then Wednesday I forgot to
go until afternoon! So we took off to go talk to him, and his wife said
he wasn't home, wouldn't be home until late, wouldn't be home on
Thursday, and thought the birds might have to wait until next week.

I was like, no way! they cannot wait until next week!!!!!

I
told E lets go home and I'll contact B and we'll figure out how to
do these birds on her own - even if I have to chop off the heads myself.

He
suggested we go ask another Amish family that we know - they were
actually the first Amish friends we made and we used to buy hay from
them. We get there, and the wife, Ilene, was very quick to say no
problem, she'd do it, bring the birds. I told her I'd help chop heads if
necessary, and she said their ax wasn't that sharp, so I told her I'd
have B bring her hatchet.

We talked for a bit, so it wasn't
very quick on our part getting the message to B, and I told E we had
to go quick because B would be needing to know what was going on.

Called B's house, found out she'd gone to talk to the other Amish family
LOL But B's mom had her call us back and I was able to tell her that
they weren't home and we had someone else lined up to help.

So, B picks me up and we go get the birds, hatchet, coolers, and whatever else we needed to get these birds done.

Let me tell you - those birds were HEAVY.

We
get them all over there, and Ilene and her oldest son chopped the first
6 chickens while B ran down to the grocery for ice . (There were
18 birds total) She showed us how she holds the chicken, her son chops
the head, and then she holds the chicken on it's back to prevent some of
the flapping around. She said she hates the jumping and bleeding
around the yard.

Her 12 year old son made it look so easy!!

We
then took the headless monsters up to the 5 gallon buckets of hot water
she had waiting. We dipped them, wove them around in a circular motion
in the water to make sure we got every feather wet, and then we plucked
them clean into wheelbarrows.

After plucking, we took the birds
to the two tables she had set up for cleaning. She had two huge
stainless steel bowls on the table that she put more hot water in. Her
boy showed us how they cut off the feet and the result looked like a
store bought roasting chicken. She then "bathed" the meaties, cleaning
off any dirty spots on the skin and getting the rest of the pin feathers
that had been missed. After their bath, she cut a small amount of skin
away from the neck, exposing the top parts of the breast, and took out
the crop (she called it their feed sack).

She then cuts off
pieces around the tail, and the tail itself, and the innards were pulled
out and dropped into a slop bucket. We chose not to keep any of the
gizzards, etc even though Ilene was explaining to her son that some
people eat them as delicacies (not us!).

So the first 9 chickens were plucked, and the plan was to skin the other 9.

Ilene sent B and I down with her son to chop off more heads. B
and I took turns holding the birds as her son chopped. 12 years old and
he was a little pro!!

So
we begin, I hold the bird, B positions the head between the nails
on the stump...she aims, she raises the hatchet, she comes down
and....and....

what is this a rubber chicken?! I'm not kidding
that hatched BOUNCED back off that neck like it hit rubber! The chicken
is kicking and squawking - with a small sever in one side of it's
neck!!

I'm laughing! I'm trying to hold onto to a kicking,
flapping, and squawking chicken, and B takes another whack at
it.....and ONLY CUTS HALF THE NECK!!!

I'm laughing even harder,
chicken is flapping even harder, and I just couldn't hold the dumb bird
any longer....he drops to the ground, still attached to the stump by a
shred of his neck.

They say third time is the charm....

B
chops it again, and succeeds in fully severing the
head....except....except....Aly is no longer holding the bird and the
headless chicken is now chasing B!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this point, I'm doubled over in laughter. We can hear Ilene from the top of the hill and all 7 of her children laughing.

B
is running backwards away from the headless bird, that's managed to
pretty much stay right at her feet!! chasing her still. B's
screaming but I don't remember what she was saying, because my own
laughter was roaring in my ears.

Poor B!! She nearly tripped over the kids' swingset, with that bird still coming for her!

I
finally rescued her from her headless attacker, while still emitting
giggles and chuckles...carried the bird by it's feet (that were fat and
gross) and set him off to the side.

I turned to B and said, "You hold, I'll chop."

We finished all the birds around 10:30 pm, packed them up, and took them back to B's to be soaked over night in ice water.

It
was a great experience, was a lot of fun, and I think if B and I
decide to do something like this again, I can definitely chop off the
heads.