Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls

These last three years have been, overall, the best of my life. I bought a home, I have a great job, I’ve dated some beautiful women, and I’m three years cunnilingus free. That’s right, my tongue is free from the tyranny of the labia labyrinth, and I could not be happier.

Like many guys, I spent several years fighting in the trenches, dodging mortars and barbed wire on the muddy terrain of the vaginal Verdun, but the misery of it all brought me to the point where I had to stop. It was not enjoyable. It felt like work, and my partner would complain about my lack of enthusiasm–as if I would act like polishing her dusty furniture was enjoyable. I’ve only dated one girl who acted like eating her out was a necessity, but she was fucking nuts, so I assume she is in the minority.

I didn’t realize it had become such a big deal until several 20-something girls brought up the topic in conversation. When I mentioned my hatred of digging for clams, they looked at me as if I had said the world was flat and only 6,000 years old. I’m not an idiot. Has a lack of enjoyment while munching on tuna tacos actually become a widespread deal breaker among what our elders call an “entitled generation?” It just can’t be.

This is ridiculous. No man should have society dictate to him that he is required to shuck oysters in order to be sexually competent. Is getting the job done the old-fashioned way no longer a viable option? I was lucky enough to date a girl for a full year who preferred her orgasms come the old-fashioned way (pun intended) rather than from oral. I still made sure she finished, ’cause I’m a nice guy. Is that such a foreign concept nowadays? Am I even allowed to not like licking the spicy mayo off a California roll anymore? The radical, feminist agenda wants to force me to enjoy tongue punching their saddlebags, and no man should be pressured to subject himself to something that he doesn’t find enjoyable.

The first reason men should not be expected to clean out a woman’s fish bowl is the fact that it is, in fact, a submissive activity. She’s lying back, nearly breaking your neck with her legs, while you swirl your tongue in circles until it feels like it’s going to fall off. There is literally no way to feel manly while servicing her transmission. You quickly start to pray for her to orgasm soon so you can save some dignity. I do enough work wearing the pants, anyway. I get a nice, upper body workout swiping my fucking credit card and carrying shit that’s too heavy for her. Don’t forget carrying her when her heels hurt her feet, fixing her car, fighting her battles–and in the bedroom, who’s the one thrusting? That’s right, it’s me. For all the work I put into wearing the pants, I shouldn’t be expected to clean out her gutter as some sort of job prerequisite. I should do it if I feel like it, not because it’s mandatory.

Also, if women expect guys to go down on them, why do so many of them have subpar hygiene in their netherworld? No guy finds pleasure in eating two day old hairy sushi. That thing needs to be waxed or shaved, and it should be cleaner than a Mormon’s criminal background check.

Guys, have you ever tried to go down on a stinky box? It’s like diving head first into a garbage truck. Making it an even less pleasant experience is not going to encourage a guy to suck it up and eat the sauerkraut off your reuben.

Ultimately, muff munching is generally not a gratifying experience for a man. It only worsens the issue when we are told that we must do it and enjoy it, too. If you want a guy to do it, you’re going to have to make it pleasurable for him and well worth his while.

Oral is a much different experience for guys than it is for girls. You cannot compare them side by side and say, “What would you say if you met a girl who didn’t give head?” Sure, if I’m in a long term relationship and my girl likes it, I’ll lick the cookie butter off her spoon every now and again in the heat of the moment IF I FEEL LIKE IT. However, it should not be an expectation or benchmark for judging a guy’s prowess. That’s just idiotic and disastrous.

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Gonna have to disagree with this one, champ. Eating a girl out is a fucking power trip if you’re doing it right. Not only are you in control, it’s total control. With just the tip of your tongue you have a girl weak at the knees and in the palm of your hand. If that’s not power, then I don’t know what is.

Everyone down voting this man clearly has a sub-par sex game. With that being said I partially agree with 5OCLOCK. A girl shouldn’t expect for it to happen, but if you’re in the mood than do it. If you’ve never felt the power of bringing a slam weak to her knee’s with only your tongue then you’re clearly missing out. Step up your game.

I have to agree with DarrensDad. Eating pussy is one of the greatest weapons in a man’s repertoire if used correctly. Plus, you get the added bonus of knocking it out the park afterwards with the D. One thing in the article that I agree with is that you shouldn’t do it if your women hasn’t been tending to her lady parts correctly, but if you eat her out like a pro that should be all the motivation she needs for her daily upkeep.

I completely agree with the fact that you can have complete power over a woman if you’re doing it right. That being said there are certain girls that I wouldn’t put hitlers tongue between her legs. I scrub my balls on the daily and I expect any lady I’m going downtown on to do the exact same damn thing to her vag. I don’t wanna feel like I’m in a fish market when I should be enjoying myself watching her lose control

And while you refuse to perform cunnilingus, I’m certain you have no problem with a woman honking you. You think women get off on it? Think again, Parakeet Dick. To women, fellatio is akin to sucking passionately on someone’s nose. Disgusting, slimy, stinky cum, the equivalent of a mouth filled with viscous snot. And you’d better watch it. Some of us women have sharp teeth. You know what they say, “A tiny pecker is better than a bitten-off pecker.

And you think your scrotum is good-looking? Get a mirror and hold it between your legs. Take a look at those nasty, moldy, wrinkled up old prunes and tell me any female would love the view down there.

Newsflash Romeo. Women don’t get off on piston-powered parakeet pecker. You seem angry. Is it because too many women have asked, “Is it in?” I’m guessing that’s your problem. And you’re going to one day be a lonely old pervert pulling his own pud to porn if you don’t lose the narcissism.

As a woman…If a guy is awful or doesn’t enjoy doing it…it’s going to suck on her end too…

That being said, if you as a man, have never been literally nose first balls deep into the nasty gag worth ass stank smell of another man’s taint while trying to simultaneously suck and lick at the same all while trying to fight through the pain of a broken neck and jaw…..

How about you just grow up, take your manly pants off, and put your mouth to work between some legs. If I can risk exaserbating my lock jaw problems choking on your dick then you can be quiet and let me sit on your face.

17 Different names for cunnilingus in one article. This is pulitzer prize level stuff.
-Labia Labyrinth
-Fighting in the trenches
-Dodging mortars and barbed wire on the muddy terrain of the vaginal Verdun
-polishing her dusty furniture
-digging for clams
-munching on tuna tacos
-shuck oysters
-licking the spicy mayo off a California roll
-tongue punching their saddlebags
-clean out a woman’s fish bowl
-servicing her transmission
-clean out her gutter
-eating two day old hairy sushi
-go down on a stinky box
-eat the sauerkraut off your reuben
-muff munching
-lick the cookie butter off her spoon

You sound like you have homosexual tendencies.. It makes girls feel like shit knowing that you think pussy is gross..so now wonder they don’t stay with you..it isn’t just because you don’t go down on them, it’s the point. Yes, it must make one feel sexy knowing her guy thinks what she has is disgusting and hates vagina. I’m sure they can tell, even if you don’t say all this disrespectful B.S. to her.

I actually felt bad for you when I read this. My first impression was, wow, this guy finds submissive, high maintenance, dependent women. Maybe it’s a new trend, or I’m just an odd sheep (though judging from my friends and my sorority sisters I doubt this) but I was raised to be strong and independent. I don’t rely on a man to buy me things, fix my car, or fight my battles. Personally if I was a dude, that would be a turnoff if a chick wanted those things from me. Also, if you’re woman is just laying there, or you do all of the work during the horizontal tango, you my friend have cold fish. In my experience of romping, I’m not just laying there twiddling my thumbs. My next thought was, how sad is it that an act of pleasuring a woman makes a man feel emasculated. Are you seriously telling me making a woman orgasm with your mouth makes you feel less of a man? I know when I’m going down on a man (which is just as uncomfortable and unpleasant, don’t try and tell me you can’t compare, until you suck a twinkie and get the pleasuring of ingesting the cream filling, don’t talk to me) I feel empowered knowing that I am bringing him such joy. You are right that oral is not something that is a necessity, as in NO ONE is ENTITLED to head. Getting the job done the old fashion way though is not always a viable option, and is no means related to your competency as a man or your sexual prowess. 25% of women consistently orgasm through the “old fashion way.” And as one of the 75% who need stimulation, I’m going to be real with you. The orgasm you get via a hand is no where near as amazing as by the tongue. Now I’m not saying it’s a deal breaker. If you don’t want to lick my kitty that’s cool, but don’t expect me to go polish your pole (I probably wouldn’t stick around but I wouldn’t say it’s a deal breaker). Relationships are all about give and take. Reading this makes me think you my friend might have trouble down the road.

Hahaha..I was thinking he sounds like he has some issues also. If I felt like a guy thinks what I have is disgusting I wouldn’t even want to be with him. Seriously dude, you’re going out with that many girls who don’t shower and shave?

The fact is that if you want a girl to give she has to receive. If you want oral so does she. Not sure why you believe that the experience is different. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking her to be shaven or asking if you both want to take a sexy shower together then doing it. That’s just lack of communication on your part, and you’re going have a hard time finding a girl who absolutely doesn’t care about it. Most likely this isn’t the only subject in a relationship that causes issues, it sounds like you are just selfish in general. A healthy relationship in the future doesn’t seem likely my friend, so good luck!

I really can’t believe that a reasonable, intelligent person would write something as disgustingly sexist as this. Of course one should never feel obligated to do something sexual unless they want to, and if going down on girls isn’t something you enjoy, then it’s understandable that you don’t do it. But excuse me, “oral is a much different experience for guys than it is for girls”?! Obviously there are many girls who enjoy giving oral, just as there are guys different from you who do as well. But are you ignorant enough to think think that overall, and for the majority of girls, it is an enjoyable activity? It is physically uncomfortable, tedious and unpleasant, as well as a submissive, vulnerable, and ultimately selfless activity for women. It is JUST AS unreasonable to expect a girl to go down on you as it is for her to expect the same. The reason many of us do it is because we care about the people we’re sexually active with, and it is something we know our partners enjoy even if we don’t. Although not physically pleasurable, it can be enjoyable watching our partners become stimulated. But my real issue with your article is your blatant, stone age sexism: “That thing needs to be waxed or shaved, and it should be cleaner than a Mormon’s criminal background check,” and “I get a nice, upper body workout swiping my fucking credit card and carrying shit that’s too heavy for her. Don’t forget carrying her when her heels hurt her feet, fixing her car, fighting her battles–and in the bedroom, who’s the one thrusting? That’s right, it’s me. For all the work I put into wearing the pants, I shouldn’t be expected to clean out her gutter as some sort of job prerequisite.” Do you maintain your pubic area? If you do, that’s your choice. As her maintenance is hers. Having a preference on your partner’s pubic hair is fine, but demanding she follow your wishes and being so violently disgusted with the thought of an unshaven vagina is insulting and immature. Have all the girls you’ve been with worn high heels, made you fix her car, insisted you always be on top and carry heavy shit? Maybe they have. But all your insinuations that women are weak, pathetic little creatures who insist a big strong man pay for their things and act as a dutiful butler and fight their battles for them is disgusting. All these comments of yours, along with your repulsion at performing a “submissive” act for someone leads one to believe that you have some real issues with being perceived as the big, dominant, manly man you think you are. Your sexual preferences are yours and you don’t have to explain them to anyone, but for God’s sakes, grow up and stop referring to women in such pitiful ways.

From this woman’s point of view I wont say I don’t enjoy having my “dusty furniture polished” but I enjoy giving head. It’s definitely a power trip for me to control my partners pleasure. Oral sex just isn’t for everyone and I don’t expect any man to do it if he doesn’t want to. I know a lot of women that hate, hate, hate sucking cock just the way you obviously extremely hate “muff munching”. BTW I love all your creative terms!

Sounds like youve been sleeping with some nasty women, theres your first problem. Second apparently your balls havent dropped yet. You give and take…not take and take some more. Quit sleeping with dirty women and man up. Trust me your “one eyed yogurt slinger” isnt a bed of roses. 🙂

The variable here is the stank of the vag. Some girls have nice ones that are ascetically pleasing and barely have a smell or taste at all, other girls have roast beef sandwiches between their legs that smell like sardines covered on four month old toastito cheese sauce.

This may come as a surprise for you, but only 1/3 of women can orgasm through the “old-fashioned way”. It really benefits YOU to get in mindset that WANT to do it. There’s nothing wrong with asking a woman to go clean herself, anymore than there’s nothing wrong with her asking you to clean the stinky cheese off your dong. The more orgasms she has, the more “prowess” you will be perceived to have. Prowess means being good in bed, and that means wayyyy more than simple stamina.

That said, this article is fucking horrible, and unless you’re writing as an assumed character, I’m surprised your disrespect for women even nets you a date.

THANK YOU. I said it in a comment I made before I read yours, but that’s exactly the problem. Whether you go down on me or not, I need more than just your cock to orgasm. I NEED clitoral stimulation. Without it, I’m out of the relationship.

I’ve always been of the mindset that you can absolutely tell how straight a guy is by how much he likes eating at the bearded clam buffet. Any man can stick his dick in a warm wet hole, but a real heterosexual man enjoys diving tongue first into a wet sticky watering hole.

So since you’re the “one wearing the pants” and ever-so-manly, you could of done the adult thing and:
-offered to take a duo shower before getting busy if you’re worried about the scent to get squeaky clean, and also make a more enjoyable foreplay experience. Most people do not realize they smell they’re used to their own body odor that they don’t realize they might be a bit stinky. I use “people” because it isn’t just women, dudes don’t realize after a day at work, whipping out their junk to ladies doesn’t smell like roses or taste like freshly baked banana bread. Dicks right after a long day as are appealing to women as pork is to a faithful Jew: nether one wants that anywhere near their mouth.
-if the lady still smells after cleaning, suck it up and bring up she may of needed a OB/GYN visit-a clean vagina is NOT supposed to smell. She could of had an infection or a PH balance issue. God forbid you mention something that could of been easily treated,but hey, as long as your dick got to go in there, guess it was good enough.
-quit worrying about how someone treats their pubes. Pubes actually help keep germs and bacteria out of your genitals, and help lessen infections by trapping all those grimy things. If you want a smooth, hair free lady, you best be getting the razor out as well. I can’t tell you how many of my not so shy roommates that wander nude have hair that could be classified as a new, undiscovered forest. You really think a woman enjoys a mouthful of that shit?
-you could of simply manned yourself up and admitted to your partners you weren’t into giving oral sex after you tried it the first few times and didn’t enjoy it, instead of picking up some middle school joke book at your local Barnes and Nobles that had every stupid euphemism for going down on a woman and insinuating vaginas are gross to lick, and it’s emasculating to perform oral sex on a woman (because god forbid your precious dick isn’t being touched for ten minutes) and writing this piss poor whiny article about how dudely you are for not licking any puss for three years. Based on the way you describe your pants wearing carfixins’ manliness, something tells me no woman has really enjoyed your presence, giving oral sex or not.

Basically, grow the fuck up. You don’t want to perform oral sex, fine, but for those of us that like it? We’ll be busy eating all of your future girlfriends out.

This is one of the dumbest posts I have ever read (and I have a yahoo account).
First of all, a very tiny percentage of women can get off from the “old fashioned way”. There are actual studies on this. The overwhelming majority of women whose partners say they get off from just penetration admit they are faking.
Secondly, going down on a man is no picnic either. Who wants a noseful of wirey jungle hair? We do it anyways because we aren’t selfish pricks who only think of ourselves.
And lastly, men who don’t go down on women are the ones who complain the loudest that their girlfriend won’t have sex with them. Because all women should enjoy fifteen minutes of you grunting on top of us for your orgasm, with absolutely no expectation of getting any pleasure in return.
Enjoy the Jergens.

Nicely said. I’m actually in the minority who gets an amazing orgasm from the “old fashioned way”, but that’s okay it’s awesome. What’s NOT awesome is a guy who doesn’t have a damn CLUE about going down on my kitty. I tell them, because I try to be open like that, but somewhere in their heads (other guys saying shit, porn?) they’ve got the idea that they just have to do “tongue circles”?! So Wrong. I love the flat part of his tongue too, and he could do good to use it that way more often, the way some guys seem to like it sucked, and others seem to like only the up and down.

“Oral is a much different experience for guys than it is for girls” … How the shit does this guy know anything about what it’s like to be tits deep in some dudes ball sack cheese? Has he ever nearly choked to death on the D? Has he ever been smacked right in the cornea with a wad of jizz? I don’t know from experience because I’m a straight lady… but vagina seems like a fucking cake walk in comparison.

Funny how this guy feels is pretty much how most woman feel about going down on a guy: lets see if this comes close to how he feels about going down on a woman as he puts it…
we have to put this long (sometimes big) large round stick down our throats trying not to puke as he shoves it in our mouth while we have to move our heads back & forth using suction power at the time trying not to scrape our teeth on it so not to make him bleed and then get this white stuff squirted in the back of our throats without gagging! yup not as enjoyable as you men think it is. I however LOVE every minute of doing it.

Here’s the thing, you might not like it, but without it or at least some really awesome foreplay that includes some teasing and touching, many of us WILL NOT HAVE AN ORGASM. Personally, I’ve been with a guy who was straight to getting it in and that didn’t please me. I’ve also been with a guy who wasn’t into oral but seriously teased me till I was begging for him. It’s all about HOW you do it. Men don’t realize–even though you love Oral, you can obviously cum without it. Personally, I can’t come with just sex so telling me to do it the ‘old-fashioned’ way doesn’t help. It’s hard enough for me to get there with my own fingers, so Oral is a godsend. I’ve met guys that like to do it and guys that don’t… you’d better bet if I had to choose, I’d pick the guy who does.

That being said, the one who was amazing and made me beg for him to be inside me didn’t, and I’d take him any day.

Wow all I can say is I feel sorry for this guy. Two day old hairy sushi? Really? What kind of woman expects her man to go down on her in that condition? Its just plain disgusting. My husband totally loves to go down on me but I have one rule….I have to be clean. If its been more then a couple hours since my last shower or I’ve used the bathroom I will not let him do that unless I clean it again. A quick scrubbing with a soapy cloth and a splash of water only takes a couple of minutes to make it much more pleasant and cleaner for him. After all sex isn’t just about me. I want my man to enjoy it as well. And I don’t understand how some women can go without being clean down there. I worked with a girl who would expect guys to go down on her after working and sweating and wouldn’t shower. Keeping down there clean and well maintained also makes the spur of a moment type of stuff easier for both parties.

Blow jobs, I can take them or leave them. I don’t care either way. Nothing drives me wild though, like going down on a woman. I don’t know if it’s the taste, the texture, the scent, or the pheromones, but I love it! I question the heterosexuality of any man who doesn’t love it.

My problem is the opposite. Almost every every woman I’ve dated has refused to let me go down on her, when it’s what I want to do most. Seems a lot of women are grossed out by the concept.

Until you have gone down on both a guy and a girl, you cannot say that there is no comparison. I am bisexual. I have gone down on both. It is much more work going down on a guy than it is a girl. Being choked by a dick is a lot less satisfying than swirling my tongue round a girls clit. And how about guys being shaved or waxed. You really think us girls enjoy pulling your nasty hair out our mouths? Suck a dick and then come tell me that going down on a girl is Sooooo terrible! Grow up dude..

Ok so, yes it is true that oral sex should not be REQUIRED in a relationship. BUT that doesn’t mean you have to outright hate them. You should not be required to do anything sexually in any relationship. Everyone has their personal turn-ons/offs.

Basically what you’re saying is that you’re a total selfish douche who won’t sacrifice couple of minutes of being uncomfortable for your partner? Wow. What a man. Sorry, but not every girl is dying to go down on you and your sweaty, stinky balls in their face either with hair everywhere as well. You’re not so perfectly groomed either I bet. If you’re expecting a girls vagina to be as pristine as a fucking diamond then you’ve got to do some serious thinking and consideration that you’re balls are just as filthy if not worse, especially during the summer when the heat intensifies the small. You’re not a big shot and if you’re not willing to go down on a girl that you care about for superficial reasons, when you should want to pleasure her, then you’re not worth anyone’s time. No one wants to be bored in bed and if you’re expecting it to be one-sided then no girl is going to want to keep sleeping with you no matter how large your dick is. You can suck yourself off and get a big whiff of sweaty ass balls.

i thought this article was really fucking stupid in the sense that u completely objectified women also stop referring to anything vaginally related as fish it’s so disrespectful and ugly, like what if we compared ur manhood to earthworms or something lmao
also if ur not willing to give head, then you cannot by any means expect head from a girl either, simple as that
ALSO don’t fucking tell girls they need to shave or wax when men don’t?? u think a girl likes going down a guy only to find she has ur nasty pubes in her mouth?? get out of here w this petty shit this article was shit and ur shit as well bye

Well, isn’t that special? Not only did the token she-boon feminist show up but she also decided to give us all the pleasure of an incoherently-written chimpout. We’ll let it slide this time, but don’t think I won’t sell you down the river to Better Than You’s plantation if you get uppity again, Mammy.

lol I’m pretty sure this guy is the author on another account, haha trolling and defending himself at the same time, just looking like a fool. It’s cute that you get off to this, but you’re going die someday and you’ll have left nothing behind but a bunch of cyber bullshit comments, no one is impressed with you, i doubt you even impress yourself, now go eat some more cheetos and contemplate how to drage the human race down with you some more booboo

Do you really believe girls enjoy going down on you? That we aren’t also praying for you to come soon so the whole thing can be over? Society doesn’t dictate you enjoy it. Parts of society say you should give a shit about your partners enjoyment. Which is the only reason women do it.

To the author:
I don’t expect a lot of people to read this….As a woman, I understand you don’t like to do it.. As much as you should expect when we don’t want to do it as well. And as a woman, I had never read a more vulgar, offensive, aggressive and stupid post in my whole life. You are allowed to have an opinion, but the fact that you used so many gross adjectives to refer to a freaking VAGINA is just as violent as a punch in the stomach. As I read your words I couldn’t help feeling like the grossest, filthiest, most repugnant being in this planet, when in fact we are not.. We are human beings. The way you refer to our vaginas as tuna, spring rolls, garbage, muddy trenches.. SAUERKROUT? Really?… I swear I could’ve cried, not because of you, but because there are still men who think we are so worthless we need to feel bad for being anatómically correct and having Hair where we are supposed to…that honestly scares me a lot, how can I leave in a world where men put us down like that? Why would I ever want to have a child? A little boy who’ll learn bullshit like this? Or a little girl who’ll grow oppressed by comments like that? Men like you are the reason that the so-called feminists act as radically as they do, you are just making it easier for them to destroy the great concept that is feminism, you are the reason they made a “female” version of your post that will make men feel bad or become a bad person ….. Pubic hair exists,ok? YOU have it, stop making such a big deal out of it. Your balls sweat, they have hairs, you smell, most men don’t even bother having the necessary hygiene, your penis shares a conduct for pee and semen.. and yet, you dare to compare a vagina to licking sauerkraut ?! How can YOU call the shots on what’s garbage? On what smells like fish? On what can be described as a muddy trench with barbed wire? Wether the people I intended to read this do or don’t, I’ve spoken my mind… It’s OK not to want to so something, even hate it.. You can even say you hate it.. But you have no right to be such an ass about it. I really hope that by now you’ve though on what you said.. And I pray to whatever is out there that you reproduce and have a beautiful daughter, you wouldn’t like a random guy making them feel trashy, would you?
Have a nice life.

50Clock…you are an asshole! Plain and simple! You expect a woman to put your ugly sweaty smelly sausage in her mouth and then you won’t reciprocate it…good luck finding someone to marry you. Just admit the fact that you refuse to go down on a woman because you are more than likely TERRIBLE at it. Good luck with the chicks after this article, hahahaha!!!

this would come from a guy who doesn’t have the balls to put his own picture as the avatar. I’d bet my lunch money he hasn’t slept with more than 10 women total. Also bet that the “orgasms” he says he gave “the old fashioned way” were faked. If he had gone down first he would have had an actual shot. every actual man* knows that going down is the ultimate way to get her going or finish her off.

This is the most ridiculously uninformative selfish stupid article I’ve ever read I’m sorry that I skimmed it but to all you men out there I’m speaking from a woman who is never been told that a guy doesn’t like to go down on them to bring them pleasure this site is for men who don’t like vagina and that means they should stick to men. Bc clearly they are homo against women. Hope nobody actually listens to this idol racy. Oral sec is about pleasure and moistening a woman it’s the best. I love to give pleasure to both me. And women. God. Idiots like this site. Keep the world as intelligent as George bush
Eat bush. Power to the people. Donate pleasure for more pleasure

I only agree that it should not be required. I personally love that shit. If she’s clean and keeps things fresh then I’ll dine at that restaurant daily! Plus it really brings some dope benefits and if you happen to be off your game one night in another area it is an excellent fall back.

Right, nobody HAS to do anything in bed. But you should know… most girls who like sex and aren’t just letting you rub one out on them for the sake of having a boyfriend (please see girls with self esteem) won’t date a man who doesn’t go down. Head is no picnic either… what makes it appealing is how much your partner likes it. A great deal of women can’t cum without you going down on them… would you bother banging a girl who can’t get you off? I suspect no… so why should we? I’d rather get it done myself and save me having to shave my no no’s 😉 Good luck to ya.

Like you have a box of kittens down south?! Please! It’s called a blowjob for a reason…it is a fucking job!!! What kind of bitches are you banging if they “smell bad”?! No eating = no head. Good luck with never getting any again, cuz girls
Talk to their friends, and I’m sure your tiny dick and bad attitude are the biggest topics on campus!!!

I doubt he is of the fudge-packing orientation. I do not, on the other hand, doubt that your cunty disposition, haggard, leathery visage and d.yke haircut is capable of turning even the straightest of men gay.

“Polishing her dusty furniture”
“Digging for clams”
“Munching on tuna tacos”
“Shuck oysters”
“Licking the spicy mayo off a California roll”
“Tongue punching their saddlebags”
“Clean out a woman’s fish bowl”
“Clean out her gutter”
“Eating two day old hairy sushi”
“Diving head first into a garbage truck”
“Lick the cookie butter off her spoon ”
and finally,
“Fighting in the trenches, dodging mortars and barbed wire on the muddy terrain of the vaginal Verdun”

Sorry dumbass, Good luck getting a blow job ever again, or laid. If you won’t go down on a girl (which we need to be aroused Bc the clit is where the most stimulation comes from) then you should never ask for a girl to go down on you. You think you’ve got a bunch of kittens down there?! pLEASE! It’s called a blow job for a reason. It’s a fucking job!! As a girl who is bi, I have given plenty of head and eaten pussy, and let me tell you, a girl always tastes and smells better than a penis. Wtf kind of girls are you banging if
They are “dirty”?! Girls are also better at hygiene than guys are, so your little
Spat is untrue. Girls always talk to their friends about guys they hook up with, and I’m sure your small dick and terrible attitude are the big topics on your campus. You are just selfish, and that’s what girls can’t stand !!!

1) The clitoris is where a girl is most sensitive to stimulation, much like the penis. Sure thrusting will eventually do the job, but, there is nothing like four play and a good fuck.

2) The majority of girls I know say that if a guy doesn’t go down on them it’s a deal breaker. And any girl who says they don’t like it, probably encountered a guy or two who had no idea what they were doing and made the situation awkward enough that they would rather skip it.

3) You don’t enjoy it? Oh. I suppose all the girls you’ve been with absolutely love choking on your hotdog, assuming it’s large enough. Personally I don’t enjoy performing oral, however, I do enjoy watching my boyfriend’s face as I pleasure him into submission.

4) As for the hygiene issue, that’s all on you. Don’t group every vagina together because you’ve experienced a few stinky ones. Maybe you should reconsider your taste in women.

That said, my boyfriend and I were lucky enough to lose our virginities to generous lovers and have had a healthy sex life and relationship for several years now. I cannot say that if either of us refused to give oral we would have the same electric connection in the bedroom. But to each his own, I suppose.

That was the most unintellectual chauvinistic opinion I have ever read in my entire life. No one is required to do anything, ever, but his reasons reveal a lack of communication and education, all while forcing old gender roles and revealing a superiority complex.

1.) Sex isn’t about orgasms, it’s about the experience, is the ending to a story any good if you haven’t read the beginning and middle? Highly unlikely. I, and many other women and men I know, agree that orgasms from oral or “the old-fashioned” way are no good without a wonderful and slow before experience and that many times our best sexual encounters don’t always have the time to get to an orgasm… not to mention all the experience leading up to an orgasm when there is the time, well when that’s good there are usually multiple orgasms each getting better as you go and that is really amazing.
the fact that you give girls an orgasm without oral is irrelevant to your argument.

2.) I and many other girls I know are completely independent. I do not asked to be carried anywhere, I’m an adult I commit to the heels I wear, I swipe my own credit card, I fight my own battles, asking anyone else to would just be shameful. Not to mention I know more about cars than any guy in my life, I keep up maintenance on my car myself and if I don’t know how to fix something I figure it out. I don’t need a man to EXHAUST himself as you say you do, and MOST girls I know are the same as me. But it is always nice when a gentleman wants to help with heavy bags, but I never ask for or expect chivalry… although I appreciate it in a man’s character if his intent is in the right place. It’s a personality thing, maybe you should focus on more independent girls so you don’t have to exhaust yourself trying to play a heroic gender role for what sounds like a mess of a woman, then maybe you wouldn’t have a dominant issue in the bedroom, then again maybe you have a superiority complex and you like it that way… but why are you complaining about it then?

3.) I love to give head to guys because I get the best power trip. Especially when I look up at them with big eyes like I love it, and they go all crazy on my hair. You’re welcome, I know I’m great. Now, when a guy puts me on my back and goes down I feel so submissive, I’d give him anything he wanted, cooking/cleaning, call me Betty Crocker I’ll do it all. I’ll cook you bacon naked and ask if I can please blow you while you play Call Of Duty. Please let me sit on your d*** I’ll do all the work, just for you, I’m a thruster too, in fact most ladies I know prefer to do the work so they can focus the motion of the ocean on their g-spots. So again, with the doing all the “thrusting” I’m sorry you pick lazy girls, or are you complaining that you exhaust yourself with your superiority complex again?

4.) Not to mention I always consider my partner and keep myself fresh and clean and sometimes involve flavorful spritzs and lubes, I give all my hygienic secrets to my galpals and guys can’t stop raving over how tasty we are… and if I was at the gym I communicate this to my partner and let them know that I could freshen up in the shower quickly, or I ask them if I’m as princess fresh as usual, I won’t be offended by a no, a no = sexy shower time. it’s being smart and open, for example if he was just at the gym I ask him to shower first, communication keeps me from ever having to have sweaty mustard balls near my face. Not to mention filthy man taints, ugh I don’t want to smell you from up here, it’s the only smell worse than your “tuna taco” communicate with your lady tell her to clean up or find someone with good hygiene. Btw all the disrespectful metaphors for the most beautiful flower in the world, really discredit what I think of your sexuality and how educated your opinion sounds.

5.) I don’t know a single person that wants someone to act like they enjoy doing something they don’t, I’ve never asked a guy that didn’t like eating out to do so, that just makes me self conscious about myself as if I have to now have the magical purrfect kitty to prove that it’s not so bad. I just as an independent woman pick out partners who’s minds attract me and usually those minds act in a way that I appreciate. Sounds like you should evaluate who you’re fucking and why…. can you just not get the type of person you deserve so you settle so you, yourself don’t have to be a better person, and then therefore you develop a dominant superiority complex so you exhaust yourself playing a societal gender role so that you feel like a worthy ‘man’

Sounds to me like your trying to justify why girls you get with should accept that you don’t want to go down on them and why society shouldn’t judge you for it, but you’re really just making your self look abrasive and stupid like you’ve been backed into a corner and have something to prove, but sugar it’s common knowledge not all girls give/like to give head, not all guys give/like to give head, every person is a different experience. Some girls want oral so bad, a man who doesn’t do it is a turn off, but trust me, out there is a woman who would love to blow and fuck you with you going down, cook you dinner and not ask you work out your credit card swiping muscles. Be the best you and up your standards and you will find the people that will work with you and are about what your about, but dissing on oral and being rude and having the reasons you have for not doing it, they only make you look like you feel insecure and like you have the worst possible dating/sex life.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, no one does, you don’t have to explain yourself… however you could probably use sex education and therapy, in fact most of western culture could, so don’t feel too bad about it. I’m not a man-hater and I don’t require oral, but I am however offended by this article… but I can say that I can’t be mad at you, it’s simply ignorance of communication and sex education… my sex life is awesome, with or without oral, each different experience I love indulging in the pleasure, must suck to be all weird about things.

The snatch that choose to salivate is only good for myself tanked up drunk with the woman I was lusting for or a woman I am thinking about pre masturbation. Early in the morning prior to morning wood is fine as long as I have not lost my woody.

There is so much wrong here (and I do not care about apostrophes) … First of all, I very much think that you have had some bad luck (this might reflect on your taste in women) when it comes women’s personal hygiene. Its one thing if the girl choose to have a bush, thats natural and should not be frowned upon (although I prefer shaved balls, so I would never not shave my ‘bat cave’). However, to be clean and not smell like a fish is not that hard. I totally get why smell is a turn off for this, but then maybe you should take your girl to the shower and do it there. She might even get the hint, if you’re to scared to actually say something…

Second of all, your technique… ‘swirl your tongue in circles until it feels like it’s going to fall off’? What the fuck is wrong with you?! Did you not watch American pie? Or have you never seen a porno? That is not how its done, dude! You play with it, you have fun with it! The aim of the game might be orgasm, but doing circles will get you there in turtle speed… Spice it up, change positions, alternate between penetration and going down, and having her go down. Sex is fun, not a chore! If your neck gets tired, have her sit on your face, lay sideways 69, sit on the floor with her legs coming down from the bed, have her stand. And while down there, use your fingers and find her g-spot. Make her squirt! If you get that down, I assure you you will feel powerful – most girls can not do that to themselves!

Now, I love giving head. It empowers me. Especially when Im doing it for the first time with a new guy, and he has never had a girl pleasure the area between the balls and the anus while blowing him. Watching him shake and moan like a girl is awesome, not to mention the feeling knowing that I made that happen! And the excitement shown from him afterwards too, always makes me want to do it again. Feeling like going down is a chore, I assure you – YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!

Now, I need shaved balls. And I’ll tell the guy this. I’ll do it the first time regardless, and then comment on how pubic hair falls out way too easily and getting it in my mouth will not give him any encores. And even if the first time, I would steer right back up if it is smelly down there. So I get you, man..
For the comment on it being so much different for girls – do you think we don’t have gag reflexes, or don’t get locked jaws from the shit? So once again I would like to mention the ‘sex is not a chore, it’s fun’ and ‘change it up’ concepts.. And yes, it might be different for a girl, but I reckon both have up and down sides. If you want to be with a girl, you should be turned on what down there.. Just saying..

Ultimately, you lack communication and skills, this is why you are having a bad time. Get good at that, and you’ll have a revelation!

Speaking as a woman who is not a huge fan of hosting clam bakes to begin with… I admit that I too have never understood the obsession some women have with this topic. This especially includes the women who offer the full on sensory experience, making you feel like you are standing on the dock, downwind from a fish market, while they boast about how any man who wants to be her man “Better be down with going down”. I mean… that is a joke, right?

I would like to the complimenting arctic about why women shouldn’t have to blow a man to be considered a good fuck… but I imagine any such article would be a violation of some Bro-Code. I am not a fan of having my temp taken with a meat thermometer but as a married woman I do feel some obligation to fulfill my secretarial duties when the request is made *and* I am up for it.
As a rule this is an activity performed after we are both showered and groomed, respectively. Ya know… a little effort goes a long way, and men and women alike would benefit from remembering that. 🙂
All in all, excellent article. An entertaining read. Thanks for that. 🙂

Female here. Long time lurker/fan first time commenter. I LOVE sucking cock although being a smaller girl myself I often can’t take the whole shaft without choking so maybe that subtracts a few points from my blowjob skills.

However, I don’t enjoy getting eaten out. I agree with OP about it being emasculating, and I think it’s gross and a turn off. Guess I was raised right 😉

Lmao. Had to make a account just for this. Everybody enjoys oral sex. I know more men that it’s a deal breaker for than women. If you like your dick sucked return the favor.. God and no I’m not a prude. I love sucking on both. So don’t act like your junk doesn’t stink. Balls stink. Lol