Mail Fraud

Disclaimer

By reading this article on Mail Fraud you agree to take full responsibility for your actions and that no blame shall be placed on us for your actions. We denounce fraud, and all other forms of criminal activity. This article is intended for Information and entertainment purposes only.

Introduction

If you’ve ever paid 29 Cents to mail a letter, you’ve been wasting your money. In a recession year such as this one, especially, it’s important not to let your hard earned dollars (and cents) go to another beauracracy. Twenty Nine Cents is not an aweful lot to save, but if you send ten letters a week, you could save up to $150. If you send only 8 (The national average) You could save $120, and so on.

All us Americans know that sometimes blind people can be discriminated against. The government understands this too, and since mailing packages can be expensive, the government has decided to allow blind people to send their mail for free. “How Generous of Them!” You think. Wrong! They’re paying for it with your tax money! You pay your taxes, why shouldn’t you be able to send your packages free too? Well, now you can. Here’s how to do it.

Address your envelope like you normally would, but in the corner where you would normally put the stamp, write in neat print “FREE MATTER FOR THE BLIND.” Now drop your package in one of those blue mailboxes you’ll find on any street corner. It really works.

The government isn’t being that nice, though. Packages stamped “FREE MATTER FOR THE BLIND” are sent at library rate, which is below Third Class! To send a letter locally will take anywhere from two to five days, national- ly will take considerably longer.

This is what your letter should look like:

This method is kind of obvious, but in my experience, it has worked. However, it won’t work if you’re trying to send letters nationally, it’ll only work if the two addresses share the same post office. Write your letter, and put it in the envelope. Now, instead of writing your name in the return address spot, write your name in the addressee spot, on the center of the page. Write the addressee’s name in the return address spot. Now drop it in the mailbox without any postage. Guess what’s going to happen. The letter will be returned to the sender who, in this case, seems to be the addressee.

Here’s what your letter should look like:

Both of the above methods are slow, but if you’d like to send your mail at normal first class rates, here’s a way to do it. This way doesn’t save you money, though, unless the recipient agrees to give.

Before sending your letter, coat the front side of the stamps with glue (Elmer’s works fine.) It’s best to use a stiff bristled brush dipped in the glue to coat the stamps with. It will take about twenty minutes to dry. Once the stamps have dried, stick them on your letter and mail it. The glue has created a coating that can not be seen by the eye, but will protect the stamps from being destroyed by the cancellation mark. When the letter arrives at it’s destination, the recipient can remove the coating with water, take the stamps off the envelope, and reuse the stamps.

This is a diagram of what your letter should look like. It’d look just like a normal letter, you can see.. But the 29 Cent stamp must be coated with glue. The US Postal Service, as you may or may not be aware, is a private corporation. Congress has the power to set postal rates, not the Post Office. This is stated in Section 8 of the US Constitution. Last time congress set postal rates, they set them at two cents. So two cents is all you legally have to pay for mailing your letters. Try it out, this really works! Get some a set of those stamp letters with the alphabet on them, or get the rubber stamps specially made up by your local printer. Use Red ink to stamp “FIRST CLASS MAIL” and “NON-DOMESTIC” on the top or left hand side of your envelope, and black or blue ink to stamp:

“Two Cent Postage 12 Statutes At Large Chapter 71, Section 23 Local/Drop Letter 81 U.S. Statute 613″ One of the keys to making this work is that it seem official looking. It works for me, but if you drop twenty letters in the same mailbox all like this, it’s less likely to work.

Your envelope should look like this:

Thank you for reading the article on Mail Fraud, I hope it saves you many a 29 Cents.