Here’s my theory: a woman who wears a (what-can-barely-be-classified-as-a) bikini, secretly hates herself and is thus trying to attract all of our attention to give herself value – even if it’s just for her T&A.

Discuss.

Side note: Are asses like this even possible in nature?

The only question that comes to mind is: Whatchu gonna do with all that junk inside your trunk?

Say what? An actual nipple located on the bottom of someone’s foot? This is like the unicorn equivalent in the foot fetish world – you know it exists but nobody has ever seen it. (I totally pulled that out of my ass. I have no idea if foot fetishists want or wish for nipples on their feet.)

What made the most impression on me is that girl’s big toe. It’s so round and stubby. It kinda looks like a marshmallow, doesn’t it?

It seems lately that every website I visit is inundated with this morose, idiotic, talking banner urging me to answer some questions for a chance to win an iPhone! OH MY GOD! An iPhone! For Free! This is obviously the greatest offer in the history of the world……….

The most annoying part of the banner is the talking lady that will go through the full sales pitch. Sometimes she repeats the sales pitch over and over again, so long as you stay on the page. And, of course, the banner does not have a “sound-off” button…so you’re stuck with her until you leave the page. I’m convinced they are the devil’s work.

“Welcome! Answer the question for a chance to win a new iPhone! Click on the link and win an iPhone now!”

It has seriously become the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Can anyone relate to how annoying it is to listen to a grating voice while trying to read/watch/listen to something that actually interests you? Every time I hear her I’m tempted to punch my laptop screen…so far I’ve succeeded in maintaining a functioning laptop, but I can’t be really sure of how things will turn out. I’ll keep y’all posted though.

I was really excited recently to finally watch the movie Bridesmaids, starring SNL alum Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph, among others. Since the movie didn’t get a theater release here in Greece, I had to wait and wait and wait until I could find a torrentz download. I’m kinda glad I didn’t have to go to the theater to watch it because I would have requested a refund.

(Side note: am I doing to get in trouble for admitting that I illegally download movies from the Internet? I sure hope not.)

The movie was really disappointing, and not nearly as funny as all the reviews implied it would be. I thought I was going to watch a movie about women going wild in the ultimate night of bachelorette debauchery – I wanted to see antics that would rival the male counterparts of Hangover (and since Bridesmaids was promoted as the female Hangover I think my expectations were not far out of line.)

Instead, Bridesmaids is bogged down by the far-too-exploited storyline that seems to infiltrate every female movie these days: women competing with one another. In this case, women competing for the love of the bride.

(SPOILER ALERT)

This is the basic storyline: Bride ignores BFF for glitzy new friend. New Friend sticks her foot in everything. BFF is butt-hurt. BFF fights with Bride. BFF fights with New Friend. BFF and Bride eventually make up. Wedding goes off without a hitch. It was exhausting to watch grown women act like teenagers. Considering that this movie was written by women I wanted to see the adventures of empowered chicks grab life by the balls and go all out. It seems that in Hollywood all women ever want to do is compete with one another over every little thing, and when they can’t get their way they’ll sit and pout and lament the sad state of their life. WAH-WAH.

Melissa McCarthy should have been the star of the Bridesmaids.

The biggest mistake the writers made was not utilizing the excellent comedic talent that was available to them – Wendi McLendon-Covey and Melissa McCarthy (left) were both very underutilized, shining in only a few scenes but offering the biggest laughs in the movie (especially McCarthy, who I’m predicting will have a fruitful career in comedy.) Jon Hamm was also excellent in his role as an a-hole friend with benefits…if Bridesmaids had taken the story to the actual bachelorette party, Hamm would have made a great male stripper. The man knows how to express his body and his face.

In the end, Bridesmaids is strictly a DVD rental or illegal download movie. Which, I think, are the only ways to watch it at this point as it is already out of the theaters (I think?) Timing is not really my thing.