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The perfect amount of crazy: Saint’s Row the Third (NSFW)

Creeping along a desolate alleyway in Stilwater, I contemplated about changing my weapon. Behind me were a whole battalion of cops and a STAG team, and in front of me was one of my rival gangs; the Morningstar. But no… my weapon was perfect.

Whenever you come to a gun fight, always bring a dildo sword.

I threw myself out into the street, wearing nothing but a gimp outfit, and began hitting the most flammable things around me. Cars began exploding, people were being thrown into the air, and reinforcements were on the way. But I was making my way through the crowd… nothing will stop me.

Running away, I jumped into my Genki Manapult, and begin sucking people up and throwing them at those chasing me. I jumped out near my HQ, and ran up to my penthouse, to wait for my ‘fame’ to die down, while watching strippers and drinking hard liquor.

This game does not take itself seriously in any way. And this is what makes it the most wonderfully fun game to play I’ve experienced this year. Nothing is safe in this game. Police corruption, analogies towards the war on drugs and military tactics against civilians, gang violence, cyber terrorism, prostitution… it’s real life, but when you die after you hit a car with a dildo, you can come back and try again.

Being able to start with the best weapons, rather than starting at the bottom, like in Saints Row 2, makes it a game that you just want to dive straight into. The upgrades on your life (being able to run faster, hold more ammo, higher heath etc) are perfectly alligned with the game, always giving you the slight advantage against the enemy. You go into each fight knowing that you will (eventually) win. You are the greatest person in the world, and in this game, you can take it out on the world.

As for the story line, it continues quite well on from Saints Row 2. With the sad loss of a few close ones (no spoilers!), you feel compelled to continue the game, to make sure that those around you, that you care about, are safe and given the right ‘promotions’ within your gang. Not just that, but you are also forced to make decisions in certain missions that can effect the outcome of the game.

Ether way, any game where I can literally bringing a dildo sword into a major gunfight, and win, is a good game in my book.