Really narrow pronouncements of Southerness

I am proud to be Southern -where tea is sweet and accents are sweeter; summer starts in April; front porches are wide and words are long; macaroni and cheese is a vegetable; pecan pie is a staple; Y’all is the only proper pronoun; chicken is fried and biscuits come w/ gravy; everything is darling and someone is always getting their heart blessed. Have a good day y’all! Re post if you’re Southern

1) I have to ask is, “a Southerner as it relates to when?” Since sweet tea is the first item to appear here… is it Southern as defined by the old Mason-Dixon Line, or the new McDonald’s Tea Line?

2) This summer in April thing… ummm, not in the upper South! Quite honestly, I think whoever came up with this statement is beginning to narrow the perspective down to somewhere in the lower South. So, then, should it be, I’m proud to be a “Lower Southerner!”? Lol! O.k., maybe that doesn’t work… maybe “I’m proud to be a Southerner from the Lower South”.

3) “porches are wide and long?”!… well, again, I get a hunch that this is lower South.

4) Regarding the mac and cheese thing… now, whoever wrote this just narrowed down to personal perspective, and is thinking strictly in his/her own little world, and apparently isn’t aware of the life of mac and cheese before being dubbed “Southron”. Also, in that the South has some pretty deep agrarian roots, I seriously doubt that any self-respecting Southerner would pronounce that that mac and cheese is something that is grown… that is, unless the Southerner (supposed) who wrote this hasn’t even grown a tomato in a pot. Why am I getting the feeling this may have been written by an impersonator?

5) Pecan pie… yep, this sounds like a deep Southron to me… considering the Southern Pluralism post, what do ya think Craig?

6) Fried chicken. I get it, really, I do. It does seem to be a Southern thing, but, I’m afraid it too is adopted from, quite possibly, the Scots and African-Americans who settled, eventually, in the South. It didn’t originate here!

7) Biscuits and gravy… are biscuits a spin-off of scones? Hmm. And as for gravy, well, it’s been around since ancient Egypt (ca. 3000 BC). Now, I can’t confirm or deny, but putting the two together… I can’t seem to trace those origins. This might be… just maybe… the real deal. Yet, I think it would have to be sausage gravy. I just don’t think chipped beef is Southron.

8 ) Oh boy. Think Jeff Foxworthy’s, “you might be a redneck”. O.k., you got that in your head? Good. So, then, “If you think when a Southern woman says ‘bless your heart’, that it means, unconditionally, that you’ve just received a compliment… you might be a Yankee.” Just sayin’… To be honest, any real Southerner knows that it depends on the context in which it is said! Same goes for the use of the word “Darlin'”, eeee-uhum… and not “Darling”.

9) The use of “ya’ll” is something that can easily be adopted by a Yankee to make oneself appear Southern. Considering #8, I’m thinking that whoever came up with this may be a Southerner from the deep South, who was raised, sometime after age 8, in the North. Again, just sayin’…

… and I’m appalled that, not once, did this person mention anything about cornbread!

“porches are wide and long?”!… well, again, I get a hunch that this is lower South.

Most of my life, I lived in the “deep” South (it is not “lower South,” Robert, you Valley dweller!). Never had a wide and long front porch. We were lucky to just have a six-by-four concrete slab in front of the door. And I don’t recall many porches on the older farmer houses out our way. Most were lucky just to have a screen door!

Don’t get me started on the absence of porches on mobile homes…..

And with the advent of Toll Brothers’ program houses, I think the prominence of gables has worked to reduce the front porches throughout those new sub-divisions.

Honestly, when I think of wide and long porches, the only thing that comes to mind are the old plantation homes… and you’re right, the average home of the average deep Southron either doesn’t have a porch or doesn’t have much of one (at least based on my time in MS, AL, and GA)!

My perspective would be a bit different. As you know, I grew up in the Valley – my family has been here for generations.

We grew up drinking a lot of sweet tea. Mama always had a pitcher on the counter in one of those 2 tone brown stone crock pitchers. A pitcher a day – at least. Summer in April? No, but definitely spring. As you know, here in the Valley, things are in full bloom by April, so I can see that. Porches wide and long – yeah, I see a lot of those here in the Valley too. My grandmother had one. Mine is 10′ x 42′. Pecan Pie – always been around at the holidays, though I’m not a big fan of it. Fried chicken – ya think? Biscuits and gravy – oh yeah. “Darlin’?” Again, grew up hearing a lot of that, as well as the bless my heart thing. And, finally, “y’all.” Again, most definitely. It was common usage when I was growing up, I still use it as do most of my children and family. Sure beats the heck out of “you giyeeeez.” ;o)

The measure of a perfect porch to me = wide enough to rock in my rocking chair, without hitting either the wall behind me, or the railing in front of me… and to feel like I’m not crowded-in by my surroundings, in general.