Is Charlie Sheen’s One-Man Show Worse Than Spider-Man?

Charlie Sheen’s nationwide complaint tour, which commenced in Detroit on Saturday, is really hitting its stride: the South Florida Sun Sentinel raved that the actor’s second show, in Chicago last night, “fared better” than his first. And Entertainment Weekly gushed that the performance “hits closer to the mark.” However, Sheen’s Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option Tour will have difficulty escaping the legacy of its inaugural show. By all accounts, the performance was not a success. According to ABC News:

Throughout the night, the booing intensified, and people began streaming out of the theater. Things got worse when Sheen attempted to answer pre-submitted questions from the audience. Some hecklers got creative, yelling “Sheen sucks,” “Bring back the goddesses,” and “Where’s Emilio?,” referring to Emilio Estevez, Sheen’s brother. (To that comment, Sheen shot back, “Pay attention to the guy you all came to see.”)

At one point, Sheen asked audience members to raise their hands if they’ve ever done crack. When few hands went up, Sheen said he was “surprised because Detroit seems like a good place to get crack.” That was met with a crush of “Fuck yous.”

Where is Emilio? Maybe somewhere with Snoop Dogg, who was supposed to appear with Sheen but just did not. Anyway, although it may seem as though the Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option Tour is the worst-reviewed show ever, that’s not necessarily true. See if you can tell the difference between a criticism of Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark and Sheen’s show.

A. “We are about 45 minutes into this. Whatever you’re doing right now, including sleeping, it’s probably more engaging than this.”

B. “terrifying, confusing”

C. “awful”

D. “an artistic form of megalomania”

E. “boos were commonplace”

F. “the impression is of being on a soundstage where a music video is being filmed in the early 1980s”