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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

What I Don't Show You (and Why I Blog Carefully)

I once showed a picture of our living room on Facebook—I can't remember what prompted it—and a friend commented that she truly hoped that what lay outside the photograph was messy and cluttered, because what the photo showed was way too neat and clean.

So today I'm going to show you what I want to show you around the yard, and then what I don't want to show you. Come along.

Here is our one of our beautiful seating areas. Isn't it pretty and inviting?

And here is a hand in a dumptruck.

Here is another picturesque bench.

And the broken down shed right behind it that I carefully cut out of the above picture.

Here is the cute blue chair that welcomes friends:

with all the junk right next to it for real:

Here is a pretty lily in the back flower bed.

Here is a 19-year-old fire truck that was recently discovered in the tangle of poison ivy and brush in the back yard.

Here is a carefully edited picture of our front flower bed, cropped to eliminate the distractions of people's butts bending over in the background, the broken-down yellow shed (see above), the random toys scattered about, and the bird bath that hosts a party of mosquito larvae.

Here is said bird bath.

Here is the lovely fire we enjoyed last night, on a rare cool evening in June.

Here is the "bad guy named Joe" that Duncan nailed together and then burned in the fire.

I could go on and on. I haven't even showed you the weedy garden, the English ivy growing over the tree that we never moved when a storm knocked it over, or the poke weed growing up in the middle of the ornamental crab-apple tree.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, about how we, as bloggers, can pick and choose what we show you, our readers. I can share with you as little or as much as I wish to. I can show you who I am in bits and pieces. I can give you tips and techniques for homeschooling, or perhaps sometimes touch something in your soul with a slice of life.

But here is what I want to say. A lot goes on in SmallWorld that you don't know about. I decided long ago never to tell stories that might hurt someone else, even if those stories are partly my stories. I don't share personal struggles that my kids go through, or things that are happening in my friends' or families' lives. It's not because I am scared to show you who I am, but because I believe in protecting people's privacy.

I had a professor in graduate school who insisted that I couldn't tell a story without telling someone else's part of the story. I disagree.

I could tell tragic stories that would shoot my blog stats into Mom-blogger Stardom. But those stories would hurt other people, even if I don't particularly like those other people. Even if I'd kind of like to hurt those other people. Even if those other people hurt me.

Oh, don't worry. Nothing is happening in SmallWorld that is cause for concern. I've just been distressed for the past several weeks because of a blogger who is hurting a friend over and over again, pouring salt on a very open wound. I don't ever want to be that person.

And so, I give you as real as I can be without dragging anyone down or revealing a story that might embarrass or hurt someone else. And sometimes, I just give you the beautiful because I really, truly do have a beautiful life.

32 comments:

THIS is an amazing post. It is so true and hits the nail on the head of most bloggers, I think. I keep my blog very light...cooking, flowers, fluffing and nesting...I never, ever give out any family secrets or "goings-on" in the lives of my children and grandchildren. And, no, NEVER would I want to hurt ANYone...and I will not do it, EVER, on my blog or my real life, if I am aware.Thanks again for this beautiful post which shows me exactly what kind of person you are..your sweet spirit and kind heart jumps off the page.With all that being said...I am your newest follower and hope you will swing by to see me soon. :))

Most EXCELLENT!!! Thank you for showing your... AUTHENTICITY!!! Thank you also for your sensitivity to others and the honoring of them.. even if they don't deserve it! To God be the glory for your light shining for Him!:)Angie Johnston

I think another point that goes along with this...is judging (or comparing ourselves)based upon what people share on their blog. Most of time we are only getting a cropped version of their lives. So it's not fair to them or ourselves. Thanks again for being real!

This is my favorite blog post that I have read in a long, long time! I have often worried about the blogs I post not showing the whole truth. Sometimes I intentionally blog about a bad day just so I keep it real. But hurting others through a blog is NOT okay. Sad, actually, and a huge turn off for me as a reader.

I love the juxtaposition of your images, but isn't that who we really are? Messy and beautiful all at once. But who wants to focus on the messy, we all want to focus on the better things in life, because they lift us up. They encourage us, they remind us there is hope.

I know what you mean. My blog readers tell me they like my blog because it is real. I have shown real emotion about personal things but have tried to be careful about what I say about others. Now that my oldest is almost 15 it is even getting hard to tell the real life struggles of homeschooling and learning as it is so personal. For some reason it seems okay to talk about a six year old struggling with reading but we worry when we say the 9th grader struggled with algebra.

Sometimes I blog something kind of vague without details, but it is hard to tell the story without actually telling the story.

I keep telling myself to only say what I would not mind being published on the front page of the newspaper. In the end what I reveal tells things about me and I made myself vulnerable. I have protected my husband's identity and that's why my real name is not on the blog. I also rarely discuss our marriage, which is a good one albeit with normal life struggles and challenges that we have persevered through.

I am a bit worried of only showing the best because with my homeschool and parenting posts it can give an impression that I'm doing something better than someone else or we are without flaws which then gives the impression that the homeschool-curious mom could never be good enough. We are all flawed and I try to keep it real. With that said I don't use the blog to gossip or slander people or tear people down either. Blogging is tricky, as is writing memoir books.

It is difficult to know how much of our lives to share in this "social media world." It would be a relief sometimes to vent online, but I am aware that such venting might very well come back to haunt me and destroy my relationships. I do like your pictures because my yard (and house and life)---beauty juxtaposed with messiness and sometimes ugliness.

I could write a book with all the things I don't say on my blog. I'm careful about what I share for the same reason you are; it isn't only my story. Lately that means that I don't blog much at all. I'm sad about that, but so be it. The beauty mixed in with the messy and ugly and hurtful- that's real life. As bloggers I think it's good to remind each other of that once in a while.

I have been thinking about a blog post exactly like this!!!!!!As bloggers, we do frame the world and the reality that we provide to our readers.I LOVE your pics.I have, at times, felt like I was only providing half of the story or skewed versions of the story...but, somehow, the "real me" and my "real family" still manage to get through, I think, without explicitly blogging about the hardships, the dirty rooms, and bad days...Thanks for this GREAT POST!Karen

That's a great post! I also don't show everything for sure. My purpose is to encourage and build-up people, sometimes I post more 'realistic' stuff just for a reality check and to let people know I'm 'real' :)

I am going to bookmark this post and re-read it again every so often, both to remind myself to be careful what I write, and to remind myself that all those "perfect" bloggers out there probably aren't as "perfect" as I sometimes think! Thank you for sharing!

So far I love your blog will be subscribing. I have several of my own, related to different things. Some are personal, some are just whatever I decide, even have political one lol. I love writing and bloggin though its fun!!

This is a great post. Some feel the need to show only the magazine worthy beauty while others feel the need to show the very personal and tragic. I think there is a place for those of us who show a life with rough edges, not jagged and beauty with some grit.