Mark, Aaron, and Spencer discuss the Recovery Topic of Relapse. Aaron and Mark shared that they have not relapsed since they began their time in the fellowship. Spencer, an Al-Anon, shared that he has experienced relapse in terms that his loved-one has relapsed before. Spencer shared that when he experienced his loved-one’s relapse, he fell back on old ways in terms of trying to control the situation. Spencer also shared that he never saw any of the signs of relapse and his denial prevented him from seeing clearly. Spencer shared that he also was over confident in terms of his loved one’s sobriety. Spencer eventually started to work his Al-anon program by going to more meetings.

Aaron shared that he never really tried to get sober before he came to the program. Mark shared about his experience with over confidence in recovery. Over confidence led him into a situation where he thought about drinking, but he called his sponsor first. Mark learned a valuable lesson, stay accountable and always beware that relapse is only a sip away. Aaron shared that when a friend relapses and returns to the fellowship, he notices that regret and shame is such a big part of their early re-recovery.

Spencer shared that when his loved-ones relapsed, he had to learn how to manage his craving to control the other person’s behavior. Mark shared from the Big Book on page 34. The lesson is to never get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, nor Tired (HALT).

Mark, Aaron, and Russ discussed making 12-step calls and doing 12-step work. Russ opens the show by explaining a 12-step call. Russ said a 12-step call is when someone who is mired in the disease of alcoholism calls into a hotline and asks for help. The hotline then will send someone to go out to the one who called and talk to the person who asked for help. Usually the program is explained and then the object is to go to a meeting.

Aaron said that he never called a hotline for help. Aaron explained that he Goggled “Alcoholics Anonymous” and found clubs and meeting times. The internet is now a common place to be 12-stepped. Aaron knew he needed AA just because of the reputation of AA and how people talked about it.

Mark shared that AA was a possibility for hope because of his son who was the first one in the family who became a member. 6 months after his son entered the fellowship, Mark entered too. After Mark’s first meeting, he was asked if he would like someone to visit him in his home to explain the program. Mark’s wife was actually the first in the family to go to an AA meeting through her education as a psychologist As part of an assignment in her graduate work, she was required to attend an AA meeting. Mark explained that his first sponsor, Jeff, visited him and 12-stepped him. Jeff simply told Mark his drinking story all the way up to his first AA meeting.

Russ explained that the object of a 12-step call is to get the person to a meeting. Aaron explained that the 12-steps were first explained to him at meetings. When a newcomer is at a meeting, the meeting is now a 12-step call. The program should be explained and any burning desires by others should be tabled until the next meeting. Russ said anybody is qualified to make a 12-step call, but they should not go alone. The reason is because there may be a temptation to drink if you go alone. Also, the situation could be dangerous so they should not go alone.

Mark, Joe, Spencer, and Russ discuss their successes and failures in 2012. Joe started the show by talking about how his work in the program has paid off this year. The living amends Joe worked on paid off in his family relations, especially with his father, sister, and nephew. Joe said that he received so much more than sobriety by working the steps. The program gave him the tools to change so that his family relationships could grow.

Spencer talked about the power of steps 6 and 7. He had worked these steps previously, but this time he really explored some fear areas of his life and he was more ready to accept them as part of his life. By working these steps, he received relief. As soon as he was ready, the grip on him started to be removed and he got relief. Spencer understands that he is being relieved of these fears, they are not gone, but lessened. There is work to be done and habits have been formed around these fears and he is working on it. It is a relief for Spencer to talk about these fears.

Russ shared about his ability to be a citizen of the world. Russ is more aware of his gratitude for opportunities because of his sobriety. There have been ups and downs but he is more aware of the necessity to be open minded. He has discovered the gifts of the program but is also aware there is more work to be done. Just like if he was to receive a new car as a gift, he still would have to change the oil and do a maintenance program to take care of the gift. Russ shared that growth implies change and sometimes change can be painful.

Mark shared that his so grateful to be able to go through the difficult moments sober, like the death of his son. He is grateful for the program and the fellowship so that he can feel the feelings and not have to take a drink to cope. Mark shared that he has more awareness of his need for his higher power. Mark is also more aware his profound love for the people around him. These are both gifts of the program.

Tonight, Mark, Joe, Aaron, and Russ gather and discuss relationships. We discussed how to determine if relationships are healthy, toxic, and how to disengage if they are toxic .Joe began the show by reflecting on how relationships can be helpful in recovery. By being in the fellowship, Joe learned how to have fun. He thought that when he first came into the program, his life with fun in it was over. Being able to talk and relate with others have helped him in recovery. Healthy relationships have taught Joe how to live.

Aaron shared that relationships have improved since he came into the program. He now hangs around with crazy AA people he now calls friends. Friendships outside the fellowship have improved and increases. Mark shared that friends inside AA have helped him by challenging him. When Russ first came around, he had no idea what a healthy relationship was. At first, Russ made a few very good and close friends; all his drinking buddies fell away right away. Aaron shared that when he first came in, his old friends still wanted to hang out. Aaron said he had to separate himself from these toxic relations which was very difficult. Russ said that he first began healthy relationships at meetings. Russ old idea of having fun with friends turned out be very dangerous for him. Early in the program, Russ began to share what he thought was feelings with other men for the first time. At first, the only feeling he was aware of was anger. Russ’ social life began by attending sober parties, playing cards, and he even learned how to play backgammon. Mark could relate with only allowing anger to be felt as a feeling, but the program taught him that anger was a mask covering deeper feelings.

Russ shared that when he becomes obsessive with someone, this is a red flag indicating a toxic relationship. When someone demands all his time, this is a toxic indicator. Russ said that he makes mistakes all the time when it comes to being able to detect toxicity in a relationship. With time, he discovered that he had a 6th sense when it comes to bad relationships; now he pays attention when these feeling bubble up.

Aaron said that when he looses a sense of self in the relationship, this is bad for him. Also, when a relationship becomes a deterrent to the fellowship, this is a warning sign for him. Russ and Aaron both indicated that a toxic relationship is determined by how they react to a person, not necessarily how the other person acts. Joe shared that figuring out people is very difficult for him. Joe said that when he first same into the fellowship, he thought that his relationship with his father was toxic. But after some time in the program, Joe has a healthier relationship with his father. The program helped Joe work through some issues around his father which allowed him to be more loving, patient and tolerant with his father, which has been positive with his relationship with his dad.

This week, three single guys talk about dating in recovery. Mark talks with Joe, Aaron, and Chris about their experience, strength, and hope regarding dating in recovery.

Joe started by sharing that he was in relationship when he first came into the program. Initially, the fact that Joe was sober helped their relationship. Unlike other women that Joe had dated before recovery, this woman didn’t drink much. After about a year of being sober, they decided to part ways. One of the reasons was that the fellowship took a lot of Joe’s attention.

Aaron came into the fellowship “single” and was terrified of the thought of dating in sobriety. The main reason for this fear was that Aaron thought that everybody drank and he just didn’t want to be around drinking people early on. After a little bit of time, Aaron realized that most people don’t drink like he used to. The first person he dated was not in the fellowship and was a very light drinker. Aaron didn’t think it to be appropriate or “ethical” to date new people in the fellowship.

When Chris came into the program, Chris was married. Initially, the program helped his marriage and she was supportive of his involvement in the fellowship. However, Chris did stay at home with the kids for functions that included drinking when they would have gone as a couple.

Joe along with Aaron shared their reservations of dating people inside the fellowship; mainly because of their observations that it doesn’t work very well. Joe shared about fear of dating someone who may relapse during the relationship. The panel also shared about the suggested “no relationships for a year” rule.

This week, Joe, Aaron, and Chris will discuss dating while in recovery. They will discuss what their initial thoughts and fears were when they first came into the program and they will discuss what it is like now. We will also discuss dating inside and outside the fellowship and the pluses and minuses of both options.

Please call into our voice mail system at 734-288-7510 and ask a question regarding dating in recovery. If you don’t want to use your voice, please a comment on the blog or email us at feedback@recoveredcast.com and we will discuss it on Thursday’s show.

Hey, don’t forget to vote everyday at podcastawards.com for this podcast Recovered for the best in the Health/Fitness category. Thanks, we are trying to arrange for one of our hosts to go to Las Vegas for the Awards Ceremony.

Mark, Joe, Spencer, and Russ discuss our recovery topic: Hitting BottomHitting Bottom is that moment when life has become so painful that recovery is made possible.

During the Interview Segment, we talked to Bob, Kyle, and Liz about the Recovery Topic: Hitting Bottom

Helen Sponsored our show tonight by making a generous contribution to the show by using the paypal donation button on the site. THANK YOU HELEN! Helen, an Al-Anon, also emailed us and we shared her thoughts.

Lisa from Illinois called in and let us know she nominated this podcast as best in Life and Fitness for the annual Podcast Awards. You can do this too at

Regarding our recovery topic, Joe started the show off by telling us about his one year long approach to his bottom. The decline began with a failed suicide attempt, a secrete he kept until doing his 5th step.

Spencer, an Al-Anon, shared that Al-anons also have bottoms which helps them to reach out for help. Spencer described his bottom in terms of when his loved one confessed to him that they didn’t think they could live sober. The realization that his loved one may not get recovery lead to a feeling of despair and loneliness, similar feelings as Joe shared.

Russ shared that he could relate to both Joe and Spencer’s stories. Russ has a moment of clarity when he read his Physician’s medical notes and the said that Russ was a CHRONIC alcoholic. That category gave him a moment of pause that lead him to recovery.

High expectation are premeditated resentments while low expectations are premeditated disappointments.This topic was suggested by listener Liz from Louisiana. Thanks Liz.

Tonight, the following people were interviewed:

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Liz, who has less than one year of sobriety and is working on her 4th step, and is finding that she is trying to figure out what is a reasonable expectation.

Russ applauded Liz regarding her ability to have introspection and discover that expectations are a problem. Russ suggested that the third step prayer as shown in the Big Book be done before the 4th step is attempted. Russ shared that he had lots of expectations early in his sobriety which resulted in frustration.

Aaron also related with similar feelings regarding expectations early in sobriety. Aaron remembered that he was warned to watch expectations because they lead to resentments.

Russ and Aaron used the fellowship, the sponsor, and steps 2, 4, 5, and especially 10 to deal with expectations and to try to determine reasonable expectations. Unreasonably high expectations is like going to the hardware store for a loaf of bread. We need to figure out what our loved ones are able to do and resist the temptation to expect more than they are able. If I need recovery support and encouragement, I need to go to people who are able to give it.

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