Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Did you get a copy of L&PA (Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers, natch)? Because I almost didn't. Lesson learned. When you want to buy a comic staring a superhuman sized bulldog, make sure you pick that up ASAP. When my local shop didn't have it, I had to call up two other stores before finding it. Apparently, everyone loves a cape wearing frog?

Seriously though, this comic was great. And no, I am not just saying that because Lockjaw was covered in drool in every panel. I am saying that because it made me want to pick up the next issue not just for the "cute dog" aspect, but because it has great art, clever writing, and...OK, yes a giant bulldog (and a tinier, yappier dog).

Speaking of the writing, Chris Eliopoulos is totally a nerd (in a good way! in a good way!). Comic Geek Speak did an interview with him about a month ago, and I couldn't help but smile (a big, goofy smile, too) when he told the story about how he visited Sesame Street when he was little and got freaked out over seeing Snuffleupagus hanging from the set rafters. It reminded me of the time I got to go to the floor of the New York stock exchange (I've got connections) and nobody was throwing paper around and yelling at each other and then hugging (Trading Places, anyone?). There were just a bunch of dudes, talking dude things, and then randomly shouting out numbers. It was a bummer and I was totally pissed by the lack of action. If you're not going to hug, will somebody at get dirty drunk wearing a santa costume???

Anyway, back to L&PA. If you are a silly fool and have not yet picked up a copy, they just got a new batch in today, so hustle your butt before they're sold out again.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

OK, this is just a quick run of my thoughts/theories because I'm sure the internet is saturated with all this crap. Sorry, it's crazy jumbled, but whatevs, deal with it.

So, the dude who's cribbing Locke's look (you know, that guy that Jacob talked to in the first scene. I shall call him NotLocke) is the Smoke Monster. Here me out: Jacob and the smoke monster are two different forces of the island. Jacob is the good force and the Smoke Monster is the evil force. Jacob asks you to do things for him, seemingly to benefit the island. The Smoke Monster just likes killing people (RIP Mr. Eko!!! Paola and Nikki...not so much).

So, my thought is that this NotLocke dude lost his body at some point and became the Smoke Monster and because of this, for some reason, he is able to manipulate the dead (Christian Shephard, Locke, Yemi, all the spiders people stepped on, Kate's horse (is that horse dead?)). Also, remember, he's evil, so he wants to kill everyone and rid the island of all the outsiders, because that's what evil does.

Now, Locke, the lovable idiot he is, totally got duped by NotLocke. Think about it. When NotLocke was pretending to be Christian Shephard, he told Locke he had to die. When NotLocke was busting through the forest with Richard Alpert, he got Richard to tell Locke he had to die. Of course Locke was going to believe all that claptrap! Dude had a major hard-on for the island! And if the island said he had to die, he was willing to die. So, Locke dies, and the evil Smoke Monster NotLocke dude can...steal his, um, image (?) and sucker Ben into killing Jacob. Wait, how does he sucker Ben, you ask? Because he's the motherfucking Smoke Monster! And he came up to Ben all dressed up as Alex and told him he had to do what Locke said. So, basically, NotLocke told Ben to follow Not Locke! It's like if Superman told you that you had to do whatever Clark Kent said or else he'll zap your ass with Kryptonite eye beams. Get it?

Alright, all in all, good show. Sadly, Kate did not die (but she let Juliet bite it...bitch). Happily we saw what was up with Rose and Bernard (if you didn't tear up a little, then your heart is a cold dead rock of unlove), and I guess we all sat around and Googled "Egyptian crocodile god" for most of the night.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

So while the rest of you are reading about Dark Reign and whatever Norman Osborn is doing (and what would be awesome is if he turned out to be a Skrull this entire time and the real Norman Osborn is still dead, but whatevs), I will be hanging out reading the coolest story of the summer: LOCKJAW and the PET AVENGERS! The first comic comes out tomorrow and is only $2.99 (I can't even buy a can of Tecate for that much!)

OK, seriously, how could you not find this the coolest book ever? It's got Lockjaw! Frog Thor! And Niles! I hope that somewhere in the story they give a plot line about how Niles got out of being Penitent Puss and booked it from Penance (Deadpool and GLI Summer Fun). Oh, maybe it will be a heartbreaking back story about how he had to leave Robbie, and there's a cute little kitten written note? Anyone else remembering those Kinko's ads with the copy cat?

Ooooh, and I really hope there's a lot of drool shots. I'm a dog freak (not that kind of freaking), and I seriously love drooly dogs. Lockjaw is my idea of a dream dog: Four or five feet tall, moisture coming out of at least one orifice, looks like he's in a constant state of ennui, can teleport me to the closest bar, and has a totally bitching hogan 'stache....actually, that might be my description of a dream boyfriend...

Thursday, May 7, 2009

OK, maybe I'm a little hard on X-Men Origins: Wolverine (seriously, that's the title?). Maybe it wasn't a crapfest. Maybe I was just blinded by the utterly terrible CGI claws that looked like they were a half second slower then Logan's actual hands. Why couldn't they just use those awesome claw props from the X-men (non origin) movies? Computer graphics do not make things better! Haven't we learned anything from the Hulk movies???

OK, so, besides the claws...

Young Logan (James, Jim, Jimmy, etc) was a little cheesy. I mean, you can't not make a scene with a kid screaming "NOOOOOOOO" over his dead father cheesy. Toss in a pair of freaky-deaky bone claws running through his REAL daddy, and the moment was too serious not to be funny. Redeeming factor, however was Sabretooth's awesome baby claws. They were so freaking cute! Like giant baby hamster paws!

The credits were great. Actually, the credits was the movie I wanted to see. Mutants in the Civil War! Mutants in WWI! Mutants in WWII! Mutants in Vietnam! Ooooh, you know what would be a great cross over?! MASH and Mutants (yes, I know, that's the Korean War). See, the irony is that even though suicide is painless, Logan can't die. Irony.

Oh man, OK, my other HUGE pet peeve is Deadpool. Deadpool! What the hell! Why do you take The Merc with a Mouth and make him mouthless?! I wanted some totally lame wisecracks but all i got was the dude version of that mouthless chick from the Twilight Zone Movie (omg, remember that one?! Her creepy brother took away her mouth! And then he put people in the TV to be eaten by cartoons! What a jerk!). Also, I don't understand why Deadpool had to have everything. Cyclops' eye beams, teleporting, oh, and giant arm swords. Why on earth does he need giant arm swords? How does he bend his elbows when they retract? Does he just not bend his elbows? Explain this to me!

OK, besides all that (wait, and the fact that Silverfox wasn't actually Native American, that was kind of lame), the movie was good (and by good, I mean better than X-Men 3). It did have a hi-larious pre-Deadpool Wade Wilson, and dudes from Lost. It was a good summer blockbustery type of movie, and, if you're a fan of the Blob, it's got him, too.

Honestly though, if you want an X-Men movie, just go rent the first and second ones.

Monday, May 4, 2009

So Saturday was Free Comic Book Day, and in between hitting up the comic book store and watching the shitfest that was that new Wolverine movie (more on that in a later post), I decided to start up a blog. Not just any blog, I said. An awesome new blog. A blog so awesome it will totally kick you in the ass! And then, I got drunk off some Brotherhood, forgot about the blog, and fell asleep reading Atomic Robo.

Then, I woke up Sunday, surprised that I remembered most of yesterday, and said, yes, I will start that blog.

Then I got lazy.

And then Monday came. And it rained. And I decided to ditch going to the gym and instead sat on my ass, drank some Mr. Brown, and started this blog!