Save Article

Co-Workers Can Wreck a Marriage:
At the Office, Divorce Is Contagious

By

Sue Shellenbarger Staff Reporter of The Wall Street Journal

Updated Nov. 13, 2003 8:53 a.m. ET

Meet the new home wrecker: the office.

While the Other Woman (or Man) is usually cast as the villain of divorce in our culture, a Swedish study finds the workplace, the environment where many Americans spend most of their weekday waking hours, can play a destructive role.

The seven-year study of 37,000 employees at 1,500 workplaces provides empirical evidence that working with people of the opposite sex is hazardous to your marriage. Working with co-workers who are all of the opposite sex increases the divorce rate by a startling 70%, compared with an office filled with co-workers of the same sex. Whether the co-workers were single or married had no impact, says author Yvonne Aberg, now a research fellow at Nuffield College, Oxford University, England.

The research looked only at statistical links, and didn't examine actual behavior such as affairs. But clearly it suggests that in the office, "it doesn't matter whether you're married or not. It's open season" on prospective partners, says David Popenoe of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.

Divorce is contagious, too. A married person is 43% more likely to get divorced if one-third of his or her co-workers are recently divorced people of the opposite sex, than if none of the co-workers were recently divorced. The effect shrank over time, suggesting it's the act of divorce, rather than simply being divorced, that sways others most, says Dr. Aberg, who did her research at Stockholm University. The study was confined to co-workers of compatible age (five to 15 years younger or older, depending on sex).

By showing that office divorces can break out in what a separate study in Ohio called "a measles pattern," the research highlights the need for working couples to take steps to vaccinate their marriages.

The findings aren't surprising to one Dallas business consultant. After his trusted wife of 20 years started working in a clinic where several co-workers were divorced, he says, she began dressing like younger colleagues and staying out very late at professional meetings. Soon, it became clear she was having an affair with a co-worker, and the marriage fell apart.

How the Office Can Spur Divorce

IF YOU WORK WITH:

YOUR DIVORCE RISK CHANGES BY:*

100% opposite-sex co-workers

+70%

100% same-sex co-workers who are single

+60%

25% newly divorced opposite-sex co-workers

+31%

Your spouse in the same office

&ndash;50%

*Versus an absence of such co-workers.

Source: Yvonne Aberg, Oxford University

"I believe a sort of euphoria and infatuation takes place between some people who work closely together," says the consultant. "What starts out as a co-worker relationship develops into a friendship, then a deep friendship, and then into a relationship. In my wife's case, work led to business lunches. Business lunches led to 'nonbusiness' lunches and then to 'happy hours.' And the whole thing led to divorce."

The Swedish study is noteworthy in part because it's based on the government's records of divorces and employment, rather than on self-reports by participants, which tend to be less accurate. While the study was presented at a conference in 2001, it only recently came to the attention of marriage researchers in the U.S.

Another powerful divorce incentive, the study found, is having a large number of single co-workers of the same sex. The risk of divorce rises 60% if all co-workers of the same sex are single, rather than married -- perhaps because the co-workers provide role models for the single life.

This isn't the first study to implicate office romance in divorce. An online survey of 31,207 men and women showed that among the 62% who had at least one office affair, 9% said the breakup of an affair led to a marital separation or divorce, says Janet Lever of California State University, Los Angeles, author of the 2002 study for Elle magazine and MSNBC.com.

More than half of married respondents to Dr. Lever's survey admit that when a co-worker flirts with them for fun, they flirt back. "What starts out as 'just fun' can escalate. And clearly, the marrieds are not out of the loop," Dr. Lever says.

One production supervisor at a New Jersey manufacturing plant, where the staff is about equally split between men and women, says she had to steel herself to resist tumbling into a relationship with a handsome married co-worker who began flirting with her. "Quite honestly, there was a thrill to it," she says. "It's something to look forward to when you go to work ... the little innuendoes, the sly looks."

How do you protect your marriage? One remedy that reduces the divorce risk by about half -- but that isn't an option for most couples -- is to work in the same office with your spouse.

Monitor your marital health. If you sense a cooling of your relationship, Pat Gaudette of Lecanto, Fla., who runs an Internet divorce-support guide, suggests making a list of traits the relationship used to have, compared with now. How often are you having sex, or simply quiet coffees together? Don't let problems fester. Talk with your spouse about negative changes.

Consider taking a marital-education course. These classroom-style seminars, which run from one day to a semester, teach marital skills. For a listing, see SmartMarriages.com.

If he could start over, the Dallas business consultant says, he'd focus more on his marriage. He regrets traveling a lot in a previous job: "It took me away from the family." To avoid the pain of divorce, "you have to take the time to make sure the relationship is taken care of, even if it's just sitting on the back patio to talk."

About the Author

Sue Shellenbarger writes Work & Family on Thursdays. The goal of the column is to help readers manage the relationship between work and their family and personal lives. It focuses on innovative solutions to work-family conflict, new corporate strategies for helping employees balance their lives, and new trends and developments that affect readers' work-life balance.

Sue has been a Wall Street Journal reporter, editor, bureau chief and columnist for 16 years, working in Chicago and, currently, from her home outside Portland, Ore. She is a former contributing editor to Parenting magazine. In 1994, she received the "Exceptional Merit Media Award," or EMMA, from the National Women's Political Caucus and Radcliffe College for outstanding coverage of issues of special concern to women. Sue grew up on a farm in Leonidas, Mich., and has a master's degree in journalism from Northwestern University.

Off the job, she hikes, reads, listens to music and, with her husband, Richard O'Connor, a public-school administrator, cares for her family -- their two children, Cristin and James, ages eight and six, and her adult stepchildren, Margaret, Richard and Lucas.

More Shellenbarger

Sue Shellenbarger also writes Work & Family Mailbox, a biweekly column for the Online Journal in which she answers questions about balancing work with family, personal and community life.

Sue draws heavily on mail and faxes for material for her column and can be reached via fax at 503-636-6951 and via e-mail at sue.shellenbarger@wsj.com.