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The new soccer season is upon us with the major European leagues just starting – and the anticipation is bigger than ever before. Will we recognise the players, or even be able to pronounce their names? But there is one thing that will stay the same and has already started in earnest.

The Fergie and Jose show

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ently Sir Alex Ferguson was even more red-faced than usual when he explained why he would be absent from the games against Gretna and Dunfermline. Lady Ferguson insisted that he helped her to move house “I told her I had a match but she wasn’t having any of it,” he confessed. Now we know whose hair-dryer he’s been borrowing all these years. Good job she did, if he’d gone along to the games he wouldn’t have known where he’d moved to would he?,

All of this must be music to the ears of rival-in-chief Jose Mourinho. Although isn’t that the same Jose Mourinho who dashed out of Chelsea’s player-of-the-year dinner after taking a call from his wife regarding their distressed Yorkshire Terrier?

Bench it like Beckham

On the subject of soccer men under the thumb, David Beckham’s Hollywood honeymoon appears to be over after LA Galaxy fans booed him for daring to still be injured a whole four weeks after joining them.

Opposition supporters have delighted in the backlash, with Toronto and Dallas fans carrying flags into their stadium bearing the legend interesting, but unprintable phrases, and items of clothing.

He has also come under fire for his eating habits after being photographed in a burger bar. If his fall from grace in the fickle world of Laa-Laa land continues it won’t be long before he’s asking: “Do you want fries with that?”, although not to Posh of course.

And on the other foot

Boateng favours Spurs over wife

The 20-year-old German midfielder got married two days after signing from Hertha Berlin but got straight into pre-season preparations rather than go away with his wife Jenny. Boateng has promised her a honeymoon next summer, by which time he hopes Spurs will be established in the top four of the Premier League. One of his tattoos is of his wife carrying a gun, and he joked: “It was when I told her the honeymoon was in Tottenham!”

Soccer Shorts

Fulham defender Moritz Volz almost missed a pre-season trip to Brighton because he got stuck in the toilet for 40 minutes. He was eventually rescued his cleaner found him.

Fulham defender Moritz Volz almost missed a pre-season trip to Brighton because he got stuck in the toilet for 40 minutes. He was eventually rescued his cleaner found him.Reading FC striker Leroy Lita looks to be out for the first three weeks of the Premier League season. Having been in free-scoring pre-season form, he has now suffered a Leg muscle injury after, er, stretching in bed.

Not here for the beer

The appointment of Dimitar Penev to the helm of the Bulgarian national team was almost cancelled by an argument between his sponsors, the Kamenitsa brewery, and their rivals, the Bulgarian FA sponsors Zagorka, who threatened to sue for â‚¬1m if they appointed the experienced coach while he was still plugging Kamenitsa.

A similar disaster was averted in the German railway system, where last Saturday’s ‘Samba Express’ taking Bayer 04 Leverkusen fans to Hamburg for their FC St. Pauli game was halted when a beer keg tap broke. Luckily, a replacement arrived 25 minutes later by taxi and the journey continued.