i guess this blog is about my journey with weight loss and getting healthy

I wrote this in a comment on “upstairs room” s blog and I thought it was blog worthy:

I was just thinking to myself the other day (like, i had a total conversation with myself, lol) how it is so twisted the way we educate our kids. I mean of course it is important to learn of math, science, history ect…. and to have a good education in order to have a good future. but, to have a good future in what way? monitarily? what good is money, if our health is so bad? Isn’t our health the MOST important? so why dont we emphasize good eating habits, more nutrition classes and more focus on physical activity? Its just sad and backward thinking to me.

answer to beerab’s question, yes we have bikes and I am going to start taking my kids on more bike rides. we do alot of bike rides now, but not on a regular basis. If we dont bike, I am going to at least take him on runs/ walks to get the boy moving. Yes, 10 yr olds should be around 80-100lbs. He (my son) is a little taller than most 10 yr olds, but he is still overweight even for his height. He does eat too much junk. I am not the one that brings in into the house either. My DH is the culpret with that. he has gotten better because of all the nagging I do about it, but the junk is still there in small doses. His thinking is that the rest of the family shouldn’t have to “suffer” because I am eating healthy. dont ya love that….. like eating good healthy food is suffering or something ;) what ever….

this swine flu thing is starting to really scare me. I am a respiratory therapist and work in the ICU’s often. Just in the past month we have had 2 deaths of 50 some yr old who were otherwise healthy, who died of swine flu. There is one more about to die tonight in ICU on a ventilator. She was healthy until she got swine flu. It’s scaring the crap out of me, I hope they get a vaccine soon. we have to wear super strength isolation masks and such, but its still worrysome. anyway, Im at work, so I better get off here. have a good night

so, this week was pretty good. I ate right and worked out 4 times so far. monday I missed my spin class, so I took a run. tuesday was my cycle circuit class. I was sort of disappointed because the instructor that usually teaches this class (who I LOVE) has stoped teaching this class. so we had a new instructor. she did it totally different. Of course, sometimes change is good. so, i have to try to look on the bright side. The instructor that I like still teaches mondays spin class and body pump, so its not like i’ll never have her again, but still…it sucks. wednessday I had my sister join me in my spin class!! I love it when someone I know can come to one of my classes. It just makes me feel accomplished to have someone actually be able to see how far i’ve come. she was just amazed at how well I did :D I was so happy to be able to work out with her. I wish she could come to my gym all the time, but she lives about 45 minutes away. She made my head swell a bit, but it felt nice.

so, the other day my little boy (he’s 10 ) weighed himself. he has gained quite a bit of weight this summer. He is a chubby little fart ;) He has my genes (poor guy). at 10 yrs old, he weighs 141 lbs!! the last time he was in the 120’s (which i thought was too high) but now its getting really scary! I just dont want him to have a hard time at school with kids being cruel to him. I want his life to be happy, and of course I want him to be healthy! I know that this is a hard subject, because I also dont want him to be a fanatic about his weight, or feel that I am being overly judgemental or nagging about it. So, i just touched on the subject a little bit. I told him that he just needs to be more active and try not to eat as much junk food as he usually does. Im sure ( being young) that the weight will come off easy if he just does these few things. I want him to drink more water and less soda and cool aid too. so, I am getting him his own water bottle and starting to take him on walks/ jogs/ and bike rides on my evenings off. Any suggestions with how to go about sliming him down would be appreciated. I just dont want him to have issues with his weight like I do, but i also dont want him to be overly worried about losing weight either. I just want the best for him, ya know. And buying clothes for him has become such an ordeal. I can’t find clothes that fit him at all!! If they fit his waist, they are too long! its so annoying. I am going to old navy this year in hopes that I may have better luck. even the walmart husky brands are too small (and there isn’t much selection). ugh….

hello guys, just wanted to check in and say hi. I am doing good these days food and exercise wise. work has been hectic. we have been dealing with a lot of the swine flu outbreaks lately which is scary.. I work in the ICU’s and so far this month we have had 4 swine flu cases and one guy has died already. I am just hoping that I stay healthy and can keep it away from my kids. we are of course protecting ourselves, but one of my co worker’s kids just got tested positive for swine flu. ugh…its just scary.

so, my spin class instructer gave me a new pair of cycle shoes, you know the ones that clip onto the pedels. well, they are nice, but I am having a very hard time getting them clipped onto the peddles correctly. I am thankful for them because I know they are expensive shoes, so I just hope I can figure them out. I was watching a yoga class on tv the other day and was thinking I might want to try it some time. I never though I would like such a thing, but it really does look like it could help build strength and balance. maybe once I lose a little more weight. well I need to catch up on my blogs. have a nice night chicks

just wanted to stop in and say I am still here, still moving on down the scale

my weigh in saturday was good.

SW= 305

Last weigh in= 185

this weigh in= 182.8!! so I am going in the right direction even though it is slow these days. I was doing good with the no sugar thing until my neices b day last sunday. she had these awesome looking cupcakes that I had to have. so yeah. I caved and it triggered some mad cravings this week. but, hey… this is expected and I just have to realize this is going to happen and get on with my life. My computer has been abducted by 3 little kids this summer, so I hardly ever get on the thing at home. plus it is one of those tiny little notebook things that is slow as a turtle. Its very frustrating to try to blog or do anything on that thing. hopefully when our financial situation improves (if ever) I can get a normal size computer again, lol….. but until then, I may not be blogging as much as usual. maybe just at work. but, I am still going strong and determined to get to 135 this year

so, after not having sugar (white bread and pasta included) for more than 2 weeks….. I caved on sunday. My hubby made this spinach dip that is just irresistable. the spinach dip is spread onto italian bread. so, I thought…. I’ve been doing so good that I “deserve” some of this, right? wrong!!!!! It was good, dont get me wrong. But was it worth the horrible cravings that made me go into a deep depression all week? NO!! definetely not worth it. I mean, I was seriously on a roll without sugar. No craving for sugar, it was wonderful. Then after the bread incident I had uncontrollable cravings for all things sugar. Ice cream, frosting, cookies, bread…….All that shit, it was all I could think about for days. This put me into a depressed mood, because I felt so out of control. Like I seriously had a problem. I mean, your days should not be filled with thoughts of food, consuming relentless, day dreams of food. Its just crazy!! I also felt like I was missing out, like I shouldn’t have to go without this stuff (it just isn’t fair). Over and over again in my head. I felt so much better when my body was without sugar, and without the cravings for sugar. I have totally learned my lesson here. I feel better without sugar, and my brain functions better when I am without sugar. I can control my eating much better without sugar…so, NO MORE SUGAR!!! plain and simple. I can’t have this stuff, obviously I have issues with sugar. It is addicting and has a hold on me, so just like drug addicts have to go cold turkey (not just have it once in a while) I have to go cold turkey with sugar. LESSON LEARNED!

round, I feel for ya. I dont think I could go w/o fruit. they are my friend.

So weigh in was saturday. It went pretty well. I am down another one lb. Here lately, that is what I expect. I guess now that I am down to the last 50 lbs, this is just the way it’s going to go. Oh well, at least its going in the right direction. Last week= 186.8, this week= 185.6. I officially have 50 lbs to lose until I reach my ultimate goal. It has been 12 days since I have had any “junk food”. meaning sugary crap, chips, fast food…you know what I mean. I feel great! even though the weight is coming off slowly, My pants are fitting much better! I am wearing a Large in my scrubs now. No more X involved, woohoo!!! and size 16’s are fitting pretty well these days. I think i may faint when I get out of the teens. Financially my life is a big pile of dog shit! but, I am trying not to dwell on these issues, because I am doing everything I can to better my situation… there is nothing else I can do to change the circumstances, so I refuse to let it destroy me.

Good news from my obgyn…. still waiting for my dermatologist results (I had a spot removed from my forehead last week). It was just a freckle that kept getting bigger, so she wanted to test it. So, I am getting my new years resolutions taken care of (going to the Dr. appts). that feels good. I always used to avoid these things before.

I have been thinking a lot about my excess skin. I know this is a worry for most of us. I have lost 120lbs…. you would think that I would be like a shriveled up prune by now, LOL… but honestly it is better than I had expected it to be. I still can’t wait to see what it will look like at my goal weight (I will decide about a tummy tuck at that point), but my arm skin is shrinking quite nicely. Of course I will never look like I did when I was 15 yrs old, but I also wont need a wheel barrel to haul my skin around either ;) After 3 kids, you can imagine my belly is an issue, but I will not risk having surgery unless I really can not stand it. so far, my belly and inner thighs are the worst part, which I can cover up with clothes.. yey. so, I guess we shall see how it goes.

B- oatmeal with soy milk

L- lean cuisine meal (at work)

S- greek yogurt

D- white bean soup (home made)

S- cottage cheese, navel orange

update = got the call from the dermatologist.. the results came back as an abnormal mole…which means, not much to worry about. She said it was good to get rid of it, but it wasnt cancer. so, I am happy about that.

Well, so far so good on the no sugar! Its been 5 days since I have had any processed sugary junk. I have been eating very healthy. I guess its no surprise that I am feeling better emotionally and physically. Eating junk seriously makes me feel like crap in both my body and mind. It may taste good for that second that its in my mouth, but I KNOW that its not worth it. I haven’t blogged much lately, and I know that has to do with all the negative things that have been happening lately. I dont want my blog to be depressing and negative. so, I will sum it up quickly and move on. first of all its financial and I know that there are much worse things that could be going on in my life, and I am constantly reminding myself that I am lucky and should just be thankful that everyone I know and love is healthy at this time. but, that doesnt stop financial issues from causing distress. and when it rains it really seems to pour. lets just say, car trouble, Tv, computer, toilet, all on the fritz, and my neice getting into my purse and cutting up a hundred dollar bill into tiny little pieces! yes, this has caused great stress, especially the car trouble. Its the transmission and we all know that is no cheap thing to fix. so all these things have been really weighing on my mind lately and putting me in a horribly stressed out and somewhat depressed mood. But this week has been better. I just feel better when I eat right and work out. No matter how bad my material/financial life may be, it is all much easier to deal with when I feel healthy and eat on plan. I have been bulking up my food all day with fruit and protein. It keeps me satisfied and full for the most part. Tonight I bought a whole bunch of cherries and just munched away on those. fruit is really a wonderful thing. I feel sorry for people who dont like fruit, or “think” they dont like fruit. They dont know what they are missing. I plan to have fruit at my disposal at all times, because I think when I get a sugar craving or just want a piece of cake or something, fruit should help me through that. well, hope you are all doin well.

Thank you all so much for all the awesome support you give me. It has been a busy past few days. lots of b day parties and sleep overs. I did very good at my nieces party. I actually brought my own food. My brother in law said I had issues because I brought a lean cuisine meal and ate it instead of the hotdogs, hamburgers and cake. I was proud of myself at her party. then came my daughters party. I slipped and had cake. I did work out, but obviously that doesn’t push me to lose weight any more. Its all about what I eat at this point. I mean I know that working out is why I am not gaining and why I lose the small amt I am losing, but I am really droping the ball in the food dept. So today I had a new outlook on my eating habits. I have to step it up. I have to stop all this sugar craving and stop cheating myself. because that is after all what I am doing. I am cheating myself out of what I really want, by eating sugary junk. so, starting tomorrow I am cutting out all processed sugar from my diet. I am only allowing natural sugar from things like fruit to be in my food choices. I am really hoping this will stop the sugar cravings and get me out of this slump. I still have fifty lbs to lose, and I will not lose it craving the stuff i have been craving lately. It really is agonizing. I am also not alowing myself “treat meals” until I lose ten lbs. so every ten lbs, I will give myself a treat. I know that to some this sounds counter productive, to reward myself with food. but since I have been “treating” about every week or two, this is actually a lot less than before. I also know that some people might think this is too strict. I just dont know what else to do. I am not losing the weight i want to lose with my current plan. It has worked greatly up until now, but its time to change it up a bit. I have also changed my workouts. I am switching things up in the gym and increasing my intensity all the time. I am sure that if I can stick to my calories and get this sugar craving under control, that I will see the lbs drop again. so in a way, this is a new begining. I have new found motivation (i guess you would call it). so, here is a picture of my daughters sleep over party. they were “watching” a movie in my bed. my little one is the cutie on the right in the purple nightgown. she is getting so big. I swear she just had a growth spurt this week! and for some reason she likes to smile with her mouth wide open lately, lol!!

Feeling better today. I have really been craving things lately and its pissing me off!!! I wish I could just forget about all those sugary treats and just eat right. (I know, dont we all wish this) but sometimes it is harder. It just seems a lot harder these past few weeks. I have fought through these cravings and have not strayed from my plan since last monday (so 5 days now). Today was weigh in day, I am down one lb. I am happy about this, but it took a few weeks to lose that one lb. ugh… it’s killing me how slow this is going lately. I really need to practice patience. also, if I could just stick to my plan ALL THE TIME i’m sure the results would be much better. There is a challenge coming up, two actually. This monday is my nieces birthday which will include cake and other goodies I’m sure, then we are having my daughters birthday party on Tuesday which is going to include cake, sloppy joe’s and chips. I just hope and pray that I can control myself. ya know, it really sucks that I can’t just go to a birthday party without worrying about it for days ahead of time and just KNOW that I will not touch the cake. but, i honestly can’t say that I will be able to stop myself. I wish I had that much control, but even after 14 months of this lifestyle change… my control is still an issue. wish me luck.

I went to bed hungry…. thinking of sugary junk food. This morning I woke up craving and day dreaming of a mint chocolate chip shake and frosted sugar cookies. I am so ADDICTED to sugar right now that I cant stand it. I think of it all the time, i dream of it all the time. I cant stand it!!! I have issues