It seems like forever since I last logged into VBB and since my last update.

I had a pretty bad experience a few months ago. For which I'm now obligated to be in touch with the police, for I was assaulted (twice) and now I have a case of Post-traumatic Stress I guess. Having a really hard time eating and everything else is fucking messed up.

Stress has made me weak and all the work I've done in the gym is running down the drain for the reasons stated above.

My goal is to recover now and after that get back in shape and train boxing and get myself swol.

Be good to yourself, girl, and do stuff that's fun. It will help on so many levels.

I try to remind myself that stuff happens TO me but it isn't who I AM. Sometimes it's hard to get by without my stories about myself but I have two choices: look back or look forward. After all, my neck only cranes in one direction at a time--Ha, ha! What I'm becoming is more exciting than where I've been. If I ever get to the point where I don't believe that, I rearrange my goals to make it true again.

Just some ramblings of a woman who's been through some %$@!#, herself.

Strange but I ran across your avatar earlier todayand was wondering where you were at?Hope thing get better for you!Glad your back!

Happiness is a personal choice!I am the sole source of all my sadness and joy."The logic of worldly success rests on afallacy: the strange error that our perfectiondepends on the thoughts andopinions and applause of other men."Source: Thomas Merton

I randomly met a long-term karateka on a train, who had studied karate for over 20 years. We end up talking about martial arts and as I told her about my background with them and what I've done she insisted that I should continue and aim to compete as she said that I have the spirit of a good fighter and how I totally look like I could become a successful fighter some day. She said that it would be a waste of a talent for me not to aim to become one.

Her words totally got me thinking. I'm about to have the time and energy to continue my training scheduled and not just some random shadow-boxing now and then what I've been doing for months now, so well yeah. I totally want to box and compete. Eva Wahlström, a Finnish boxer, is really my idol and my motivation to keep on going.

I moved to an appartment with a pretty old school gym in the basement so excuses aside.

It's not like I've been out of gym since I last posted here - I had a nice group of gym buddies with a decent gain muscle-wise but had to quit temporarily for heath issues. For now I thought of starting small before joining an actual gym with more weights than my basement gym holds.

My current goals lie on starting slow, building up stronger arms and legs and maybe a few pounds off until summer time.

Yeah, I know. But starting slow in cardio is a hard thing for me to do. Last autumn I got Shin splints to both of my legs as a result of doing too much (thinking I started "slow"). Luckily weightlifting is safer that way.

Summer came to Finland. No more snow! Day before yesterday I took my barefoot shoes out for a walk and yesterday for a short run with my beloved dog.

I'm very lousy at keeping a journal about my training anywhere really so I guess my posts here will still be very random.

Me and my boyfriend broke up a bit over a week ago. Nothing messy so it's not that bad I guess. We still live together for the time being. I kinda feel bad about leaving this apartment since I can't afford it alone. My own sauna and a free gym downstairs. I mean, what's not to like?

I have a bad habit of not eating enough as I forget eating so easily and after breaking up with my bf my appetite is even worse than before. Last time I broke up with a bf I lost a whooping 15kg/30lbs and went seriously underweight because of it. Not good. Took two years to get my weight back to normal.