Our FLR is the Beginning of the Best Years of Our Marriage

My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We married late in our senior year and had our first child 2 years later. Flash forward almost 40 years… our two children are grown and on their own. Even though it is just him and I now, I kept finding myself feeling like a hamster on a wheel spinning around trying to keep up with the seemingly never ending housework, laundry, making all of our meals, doing all of the shopping and trying – mostly unsuccessfully as I’d be too tired at the end of the day – to snatch moments of free time for myself – all while working full-time as a banker.

Through the years, my husband has been dropping hints about an FLR lifestyle that I didn’t pick up on then. Things like, “There is a way you can have everything you want and have all of the leisure time you want”. We even dabbled a time or two with the fantasy of him being my “slave” – and failed miserably. I didn’t want a slave. I wanted my loving, caring husband.

Looking back he had been doing little things all along that pointed to an FLR lifestyle like making my coffee and turning down the bed covers at night. While I certainly enjoyed those things, I just didn’t realize he wanted to be submissive to me or that I wanted to be the dominant partner. Of course as they say, hindsight is always 20/20.

Three weeks ago he out-of-the-blue started doing things for me around the house. One night it would be dishes, the next he swept the floors. He became so attentive to my comfort – the first night he rubbed my feet I about lost it – the feeling was both exhilarating and so very, very sensual. His attention awakened me in ways I never, ever would have imagined.

The following weekend I awoke to my coffee made and a letter that began, “Dearest Kim…Welcome to a very special day of enjoying your hobbies, long talks with girlfriends and being spoiled by your husband! I have been excited all week anticipating the weekend. The past week has been some of the very best days of our marriage. I truly mean that. What I am trying to do is to steer you to a “Female Led Relationship” or “FLR”. You’ve always wanted this position. I know that now from the reading I’ve done online in the past few days.” He added, “I want you to seriously consider that I’m not talking about a temporary thing but rather a major lifestyle change in our lives. I am more sincere than you can imagine and you dearly deserve to be rewarded for the things you’ve done in the past like raising our family mostly alone and keeping our finances in order.”

He went on to give me suggestions – like making him lists of chores and teaching him how to do the laundry. He also reiterated that the past week had been amazing for him and for us. We hadn’t had the slightest argument. His attention made me feel exhilarated, sensual, powerful…and deeply loved and cherished. We’ve been having many long talks and refining our relationship and it’s boundaries. And have totally embraced our loving FLR lifestyle. I truly believe, as does he, that we’re beginning the very best years of our marriage. The past few weeks I’ve been almost totally stress-free. And our home has never been cleaner or more organized (he’s a super organizer!). He’s learned to do my ironing and has both excelled at it and has totally enjoyed it. When I look in his eyes I see total contentment and his deep love for me. That just adds so much to my feeling that this is “right” for us.

I never knew this type of lifestyle existed let alone imagined us living it, but it is working! And we’re both looking forward with great anticipation to the next 40 years and growing in our loving FLR. I hope our story will inspire others who are wanting to try this.

Kim, What an encouraging story. While reading, I was amazed about how similar our journey has been. My wife and I were also high school sweethearts married 38 years ago at the ripe age of 18. We have had a great marriage , but we were stuck in our cultures obsession with patriarchy. Her job was to serve me. About two years ago, I had an amazing change of heart ( a story in itself) in which I realized that my perspective on women had been so wrong. As a result I began to see things from a feminist perspective. I realized that not only should women be recognized as equals, but our world would be a much better place if women were in charge rather than us old white men.
Since I can’t immediately change the world, I began to change in my relationship with my wife. I discussed FLR with my wife who was open yet reluctant. To put my beliefs in action, I simply began serving her in any way I could. To my surprise I found the more I submitted to her, and put her needs and wishes first, the more joy I experienced. It has become addictive. I can’t wait to make dinner while she relaxes on the couch with a glass of wine at the end of a full day. When she is at home, I want her to only do the things she enjoys and let me serve her. She has assumed responsibility of our finances and has the final word in decisions that affect our union.
What I have found is that she is a much kinder and better leader than I ever was. She should have been leading us for the past 38 years. She appreciates me and treats me with total respect. Our marriage is better and stronger than it has ever been.
Some times I wonder if something is wrong with me because the things that brings me the most joy is opposite of most men in our society. I don’t want power. I want to follow and support the female in my life. I also pray that our society as a whole will see the rise of woman and the decline of old white men. Hopefully we will soon have a woman in the White House. It won’t be the answer to all the problems, but at least the most powerful man in the world will be a WOMAN.
Thank you for your article. It’s encouraging to know that there are others enjoying FLR that isn’t about kink and domination, but about a loving relationship that elevates women to their rightful place of leadership.

I will not go into telling my personal issues and HUGE disagreements that I have with FLR’s. I just have one good question. If she is going to be the boss, or the head, then what consequences are thee for his misbehavior? If she is the head, and he is to obey her, then what happens when he disobeys? There has to be some kind of punishment.It is with parents over kids, the government over the people, and the head spouse over the one who is to obeys. And you cannot use the same tired answers of, you just only talk about it. Or even being disappointed in himself or he feels bad because he knows he disappointed you. They don’t work. So what consequences are there?

This is a great story because I think it shows that FLR is not the core of the relationship, it is the mechanism that makes an already intimate bond, a more respectful and meaningful one. My Wife and I were together for 10 years before we agreed to have a female led relationship. Unlike the story above, our situation was somewhat reversed. I had never known of FLR or been able to pick up on the signs. As I look back, it was easy, I just didn’t know to look.

My Wife has always been domineering, it was one of the things that attracted me to her. She is tough and independent. She doesn’t “need” me, She wants me. And for 10 years we had a pretty great relationship. However we did argue a lot over stupid things. Every time those moments happened, I could see the disappointment in Her face. I could tell she was angry that I was questioning her authority. She never came out and said it but those little spats would turn into days of being ignored and handed some heavy attitude. It was only when I came to my senses and apologized that she would snap back to her wonderful self.

In the tenth year of our marriage, we had some small arguments that turned into large ones. It got to the point we separated for a few months. During that time, I researched online about relationships and stumbled on FLR. I read about it for a week before presenting it to my Wife. I was very nervous but story after story revealed couples just like us and how well a female led relationship worked for them. So I presented it to Her in an email with some links.

A few days past and She wrote back announcing She wanted to try it. We met for dinner and both agreed to give it a shot. Over the next two months, we read, studied and worked on creating an agreement we could both live with. My Wife insisted I be placed in chastity as part of our agreement. I did not see this coming but I was willing to do anything to make things right with Her. So I agreed.

We went away for a romantic weekend and spent a night in our hotel reading our agreement aloud to each other. My Wife looked at me in a way She hadn’t since we first started dating. Her hearing me tell her that She is in charge and that I agree to follow Her guidance and rules just brought something out in Her. She was teary eyed hearing my dedications to her. We made such amazing love that night. The next morning I woke up to see my Wife standing over me, a chastity device in her hand. “You’ll be wearing this until I say otherwise” She said…

It’s important to point out that agreeing to an FLR doesn’t mean the two of you are a leather clad BDSM couple. Quite the opposite. Our relationship was essentially the same. I always had chores but now I had a list of them with goals and rewards as well as punishments when they weren’t done. I always showed my wife affection but now it was done with a greater purpose and intent. But the biggest win for us was that my Wife could now become the Woman she was constantly suppressing.

Many times before our FLR, I could tell my Wife held her tongue because I’m sure She thought it would just lead to a bigger argument. But part of our FLR agreement was that when my Wife spoke, I shut up and listened. You see, “listening” was a huge issue for her and me challenging Her authority when She had something to say was a big problem for her. So, with the FLR agreement in place, my wife could now say what was on Her mind. What I didn’t know was that such a power exchange was a great source of arousal for Her. Who knew?

The first time I was ‘punished’ was after dinner one night. I was to do the dishes and my Wife had a specific way She wanted them done. I failed miserably. When She checked my work, I could see She was upset I failed to “listen”. She looked at me and said, “sit over there” and pointed to a chair in our living room. I sat down and for the next 20 minutes, my Wife lectured me on doing dishes. She was not mad, she was stern and very clear about what I did wrong and what was expected of me moving forward. She made me repeat things She said, She pointed at me and put Her hands on her hips. She was glowing with power. When She finished, we hugged and kissed. I apologized very sincerely and before I knew it, She was on her knees pleasuring me.

Afterward, I asked Her how it felt. She said She had never felt so relieved in our entire relationship. She said the fact She could express herself and I just ‘listen’ was so arousing and empowering that Her pussy was literally leaking during Her lecture. For me, Her taking control and just saying what She really felt was also arousing to me.

And this is Her favorite punishment for me. The lecture. It has grown over time into a more formal thing with Her. I have a specific lecture chair. If I am told to sit there, I know what it coming. Sometimes She will have me sit there for a bit while She does Her makeup and puts on nice clothes. She likes to look a certain way now when she lectures me. Lectures are events in our home. She turns off the TV and all distractions. There is a light by the chair She shines on me. I am usually naked for lectures now. She does this to humiliate me. It works. Lectures can last a half an hour or more sometimes. She enjoys hearing me admit to my failures and my promises to improve for Her. After these lectures, She is typically aroused. I don’t necessarily get to orgasm but we generally engage in some sort of sexual activity once She has finished lecturing me.

In the last year, my Wife has occasionally lectured me in public. I find this more humiliating than sitting naked in a chair. She knows this, which is part of the reason She is doing it. But the end result is an amazingly loving relationship. I get lectured maybe once a week. Yes, it’s an event and She really lets me have it but I learn about Her and what is bothering Her instead of arguing with her and getting nowhere.

Thanks, Gentleman, for sharing about your relationship, and in particular the Lecture. I am realizing I need to let go of my insecurity and assure my wife I am here to listen to whatever she has to say to me.

I would be curious to hear more about the process you used to negotiate your FLR agreement.