Game of Thrones is filled with blood, sweat, and tears. But you know what? It also features some incredible acts of love. Sure, that love is often tainted with incestual hunger for your twin sister, and sometimes the love of your life becomes an evil, sadistic, murderous young king hellbent on destruction, but hey: love is love, right?

Unfortunately, characters on the HBO hit don’t always have the best luck with love (I’m looking at you “Red Wedding”), which can make one wonder if access to online dating could help out any of these warring Westerosians.

Thankfully, bloggers over at Team Pwnicorn decided to use their imagination and come up with fake online dating profiles for some of the GOT characters, and the result is pure genius.

Under Daenarys Targaryen’s “What I’m Doing with my Life” section: “I dabble in dragon training and emancipation. But other than that, I’m just your everyday heir to the Iron Throne, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, and rightful ruler of the Seven Kingdoms, just need to get some boats.”And her religion? “Gods are for people who don’t have dragons.”

Jaime Lannister is also apparently looking for that special someone, specifically one who is “The female version of myself, down to the genetic level.” Jaime describes himself as “a family man. I love my family, every luscious curve and supple seam of them. And when my family isn’t around, I love myself enough for them.” I never thought that something so horrifying could also be so hilarious.

Not to be outdone, The Wall, who says “Once you go Black, you never go back,” is looking towards the future. On where he thinks he’s going to be in five years: “I’m really hoping global warming kicks in because I want to lose some weight. My buddy The Glacier has just been shedding the pounds like mad crazy.”

Potential love matches can also check out the profiles for Sandor Clegane (aka the Hound) who is “just your run of the mill murderer/bodyguard” or Loras Tyrell whose sexual orientation is “the straightest of the straight.”