Pay Attention Ladies: The Real Reason Why Men Don’t Pursue

Upon talking with a friend the other day, she brought up the question of men and why it seems that we often lack the “pursuit” of women. Where has it gone? Why don’t men pursue women like they used to?

Let me give you a hypothetical situation (one that will probably speak more to the ladies): You’re out shopping. You see a gorgeous pair of shoes. I’m talking about nice shoes — Manolos (for the men, Ferragamos) perhaps. You’re in love with them and would love to buy them, but upon seeing the price, you realize you need to save a little bit before you can afford them. They’re temporarily unattainable. But you can save up and get them. (And oh, will they be worth it.)

Later that week or maybe the same day, you’re out shopping again and you see a pair, perhaps of Steve Madden shoes, that looks nearly identical to the pair you had seen earlier. They’re not exactly the same, but only you’ll be one of the only ones to know the difference. The biggest difference — the Maddens are much cheaper than the Manolos. It’s a pair that you can afford right now, without having to save any money.

Which pair would you buy?

While there are some people who would choose the Manolos (or Ferragamos) over the cheaper alternatives, the majority of folks would take the cheaper pair. However, those who would choose the Manolos, would do so because they understand that there is quality attached to the higher cost; they’re are not just expensive for the sake of being expensive.

If you were paying attention, you probably got the analogy: men don’t want to take the time and invest in the pursuit of a relationship when they know they don’t have to. Why would a man pursue a woman when he can just stand still and let them come to him? To quote a friend, “Why pay for the software, when you can download it for free?”

Women have made it to where men don’t have to pursue to get what they want. This isn’t the case for all the women; let me be clear. However, this is one of those times where a few people “ruin the party” for everyone involved.

There are far too many women giving it up, the men know they can get it easy, and thus it becomes a drain to actually pursue a woman. If women would stop being so “easy,” perhaps things would change. (But I understand that might be asking for a miracle.)

Since I’m sure you’re wondering if all men are like that, let me answer the question for you: Yes. All men, at some point in their lives, want what they can get easily and don’t particularly care about the quality of the “merchandise.” The key is that we can grow out of it; we can mature into an understanding that Manolos are better than Steve Maddens. But not all people understand this. Some just think that you pay more for them and that’s where it ends. Those people don’t have the maturity (or good taste) to realize that there is so much more to a Manolo shoe than an expensive price tag.

Do any “Manolo lovers” still exist? Absolutely. There are still men out there who understand, recognize, and appreciate quality and character. Not all men want a “Steve Madden” or “DSW” type of woman. But you don’t find those men shopping at JC Penny or Sears. You find them shopping at Barneys and Niemans. In other words, you don’t find men looking for quality women in places where the “cheaper” women are readily available. Think about it: have you ever seen some Manolos in DSW?

At the end of the day, the good news is this — you can choose what you’d like to be. If you want to be a women of standard and quality, be that. If you don’t care, that’s fine too. But just understand that it takes a little bit longer to the Manolos to be “sold.” But take care of them, and they’ll last you the rest of your life.