How Many Couples Actually Have Open Relationships?

Drugs And Sex

Doc,

I’ve been using drugs — mostly crystal meth — to have sex for years now. It’s been the best way to have sex. My sober sex life is pretty much nonexistent, and it's pretty lame and uneventful when I am sober. How can I get my sober sex life to compare?

-George

"Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll" — a catchphrase we’ve all heard and one the media and society have long glorified. What we don’t hear as much about is the aftermath of the partying, especially sexually. The reality is sober sex and high sex are two different things, and it’s like comparing apples to oranges. Drugs bring a person to an altered state that affects sensitivity, arousal, libido, functionality and a host of other sexual characteristics. For a lot of people, having sex while high is a rush that sober sex has a hard time matching. We get different rushes from sex while drinking alcohol or using marijuana, ecstasy, meth, etc. That’s part of what drugs do: get you in a euphoric, altered state that’s different than sobriety. That doesn’t necessarily mean sober sex can’t be enjoyed in an altered, euphoric state.

While there are plenty of reasons people use meth for sex, the risks far outweigh those reasons. Meth users are more likely to make impulsive sexual decisions, such as having unprotected sex, and are three times more likely to contract HIV than men who don’t use crystal. There’s also “crystal dick,” which many men experience (trouble with erection), and difficulty reaching orgasm and ejaculation. Combine that with the countless medical side effects, ranging from heart, blood pressure and circulatory issues to brain effects such as possible psychosis or Parkinsonian-like side effects, and this doesn’t sound like fun in the long run. Not to mention the stuff makes you age extremely fast.

It’s unlikely your sober sex is going to miraculously live up to the idealized meth sex you’ve experienced. I hate to be a party pooper, and it doesn’t sound like you would like to change, but I highly encourage you to get off the junk, quit the tina and begin the process of retraining your mind and body to enjoy the pleasures of sober sex. A good sex therapist (AASECT.com) with a substance-abuse treatment background can help. A less risky and enjoyable sex life doesn’t sound so bad, does it?

Gloryholes

Hey Doc,

One of my friends made a joke and said "gloryhole." I have never heard of this and am not sure what it is. It was a part of a sexual joke, though.

-Luke

In the sexuality world, a gloryhole is a hole purposely cut in a wall, usually in a bathroom stall, arcade, bathhouse, sex club or adult theater, for voyeurism, exhibitionism or sexual activities such as handjobs, oral, vaginal and anal sex.