September, 2014

The UFC announced this evening that middleweight Cung Le tested positive for HGH following his gruesome defeat at the hands of Michael Bisping at UFC Fight Night 48 in Macau last month. This is especially hilarious because of how adamant Le was before the fight about how he wasn’t using PEDs; that photo of him looking like the Incredible damn Hulk (see above, right) was just the result of hard work and good lighting and clean living and more assorted bullshit. Cung Le is a liar, and he’ll be punished for it. Here’s the full statement from the UFC:

UFC middleweight Cung Le tested positive for an excess level of Human Growth Hormone in his system following his fight at UFC Fight Night in Macao, China on August 23. Due to his positive test result, Le was suspended by the UFC and notified that he violated the UFC Fighter Conduct Policy and Promotional Agreement with Zuffa, LLC. The UFC has a strict, consistent policy against the use of any illegal and/or performance-enhancing drugs, stimulants or masking agents by our athletes. Le will serve a nine-month suspension and, at its conclusion, will need to pass a drug test before competing in the UFC again.

After review by UFC Senior Management, an error was discovered regarding the length of Cung Le’s suspension due to a failed drug test. While originally stated as nine months, the correct suspension period to be enforced is 12 months.

True story: After being forced to reign in my gambling habit (and temporarily flee the state) due to a particularly tough beat in the Dolphins-Pats game, I sheepishly made another go of it for UFC 178 last weekend, placing a harmless 100 dollar bet on an Ebersole-Masvidal-Zingano-Kennedy parlay. If all went according to plan, the bet would have netted me around $990, a.k.a enough to stop Hairy Mike and that bug-eyed goon Roscoe from throwing me out of another speeding car. (It’s the lack of respect that hurts the most. That and the road rash.)

At the end of the second round between Kennedy and Romero, I was never more sure that I would avoid another unfortunate roadside beatdown. Though I was bound to a chair with a gasoline-soaked rag stuffed in my mouth, confidence was flowing through every fabric of my being. “Mff iff i d,” I mumbled aloud, which is rag-speak for “This is my day.” When the allotted 60-second break between rounds had passed and Romero was still slunken on his stool, I came as close to jumping for joy as my constraints would allow. How could the fight *not* be over? Romero was out on his feet ass and Kennedy has already begun celebrating! Surely my moment of validation was at hand!

You could imagine my surprise when Big John McCarthy — he of MMA lore and Marvin Gaye lyric-stealing fame — not only *didn’t* call the fight right then and there, but actually allowed Romero to continue. The utter madness! In any case, the third round started, Romero channeled what I can only assume was voodoo strength, and the next thing I know, I’m being pushed out the back of an F-150 onto a crowded interstate highway. Life’s not fair sometimes.

I think John is the best ref in the promotion. He and Herb Dean, truly, I have respect for. He f—ed up majorly in my fight. He got owned. He got owned that night by a bunch of guys doing sh—y things. He got played by all three of them, and he just let it happen.

Back in May, Green lost his younger brother, Mitchell Davis Jr., in a drive-by shooting that Green believes was related to Davis’ previous gang ties. In the aftermath of his brother’s death (which also saw two of his uncles and his cousin shot), a hit was allegedly placed on Green himself. Even for a foster child who grew up in a particularly seedy section of San Bernardino, CA — one who had witnessed countless gang atrocities throughout his upbringing — this was a particularly horrific development to say the least.

And now, it appears that Green’s *other* brother has been shot as well. The heartbreaking news came from Green’s Facebook page late last night:

Randy Couture‘s brief run as a television dance-show competitor came to an end last night, as he and partner Karina Smirnoff were voted off Dancing With the Stars season 19 following a mediocre pasodoble performance on week 3. Their dance was soundtracked by “Eye of the Tiger” from Rocky III. You know, because Randy’s a fighter? This is why MMA needs a more iconic song than “Face the Pain.”

Couture looked a little stiffer than he did during his alarmingly decent foxtrot on week 1, although the giant swing into jumping somersault that he pulls off at 1:09-1:17 was pretty badass. Ah well. Genius is never recognized in its own time. And now, we’ll go back to reporting on Randy Couture news that’s actually relevant.

Undefeated Brazilian lightweight Alan Patrick has withdrawn from his UFC 179 matchup with Beneil Dariush due to a fractured jaw suffered in training. Patrick sustained the injury last Thursday while sparring at X-Gym in Rio de Janeiro. As he told Sherdog:

“I was training and was hit by a knee. I was using a mouthguard, but it hit the bottom of my mouth. I have never been hit by such a knee before. It went right into my chin. Now, I will have to put a titanium plate on my chin. If I wasn’t going to be hit anymore, I wouldn’t have to do it, but as a fighter, I have to be cautious…In about a month, I’ll be able to resume doing cardio, and after another month, I’ll resume with the soft-contact training. I expect to fight in December.”

We have placed a photo of Patrick’s injury after the jump, because honestly, it’s too gross to leave on the homepage. Brace yourself…

Thanks again to TYT Sports — and the sharply-dressed Francis Maxwell — for having me on this morning to break down UFC 178. Here are the other two segments we shot, about Conor McGregor‘s hype-justifying TKO of Dustin Poirier, and Donald Cerrone‘s victorious battle against Eddie Alvarez. Short version: McGregor is the good kind of crazy, and Cerrone has gone from entertaining gunslinger to true elite in the lightweight division. Could both these men have title fights in their immediate futures?

In a story eerily reminiscent of the movie Swordfish (minus Halle Berry’s world-renowned torso acting skills), it seems as if Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira just narrowly avoided an ongoing hostage situation in a Brasilian hotel this morning.

According to Globo, the MMA legend and his brother were staying at the Saint Peter Hotel in Brasilia, Brazil over the weekend, when they (along with nearly 300 other hotel guests) were evacuated from the building by fireman due to an apparent “gas leak.” The situation was far more severe in reality, as a crazed gunman had actually taken a hotel employee hostage on the 13th floor*, handcuffed him, and strapped a bomb to his chest (see photo above).

The incident began around 8 a.m. this morning, when the suspect was spotted climbing up the side of the building by several concerned guests. While information is limited, it is believed that the gunman has a grudge with the Brazilian government and “is calling for ‘the fall of Dilma’ among other things.” Dilma, of course, refers to Brazil’s 36th and current President Dilma Rousseff.

A spokesman for the Brasilian police stated that it has not yet been confirmed whether the white cylinders seen on the hostage’s vest are actual bombs or not, but that “Security evacuated the hotel and three negotiators are trying to resolve the situation peacefully. A bomb disposal unit is on the scene.”

I haven’t watched the video yet because I don’t like looking at my own face or hearing the sound of my own voice, but I definitely remember what we talked about. Basically, I ran down the lopsided two-round beating that Johnson gave Cariaso, why Mighty Mouse’s performance was impressive and not impressive at the same time, and why staying in the flyweight division might not be in Johnson’s best interest, career-wise.

Give it a look, and please subscribe to TYT Sports on YouTube for more UFC 178 analysis videos from yours truly, which will be posted by this evening.

(Dominick Cruz made $2,459.02 per second for his 61-second destruction of Takeya Mizugaki. / Photo via Getty)

The UFC paid out $1,433,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses to the 22 fighters who competed at UFC 178, with seven of those fighters comfortably landing in six-figure territory. Leading the list is — you guessed it — Conor McGregor, who tacked on $125,000 in bonuses to his already respectable show-money, for a grand total of 200 large. The second-biggest check went to UFC flyweight champion Demetrious Johnson, who gets paid under a quirky “$129k to show, $54k to win” arrangement.

The full list of disclosed payouts is below, along with our usual underpaid/overpaid picks. Note that these figures do not include additional revenue from sponsorships, undisclosed “locker room bonuses,” or percentages of pay-per-view revenue that certain UFC stars are entitled to.