BECKHAM HATES AMERICA HATES BECKHAM

Noted immigrant David Beckham appears to be gone from America, at least for now. And it is good. But this isn’t an anti-soccer rant or an anti-foreigner rant, or even an anti-hey-he’s-better-looking-than-me rant, because I could do those all day. No, it’s good because he just packed up his fish and chips and got the hell out. He didn’t sit around and complain about how he was stuck with his Scientology friends every day or how all the men in California act like little girls or why there was cocaine everywhere. Contractually, he seemingly has the right to leave. He just uneventfully got on a plane and left, and frankly, I admire a man that can handle his business with a quietly firm hand.

The LA Galaxy doesn’t seem to be as eager to part. They’ve probably called him and left sad, annoying messages on his machine. You know, the kind where the person on the line was crying so hard that their nose started running. They probably told Beckham to come back and pick up his stuff and he was all, I don’t really want it, and they were all, But you have to, and he was all, No, I think I’m good. And then maybe ten or twelve years from now they’ll be facebook friends and leave “How long has it been?” sort of messages on each other’s walls, and then browse through each other’s uploaded photos, and that’s how it’ll end. And that’s okay.