"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want....a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

Sunday

Lexophiles

Just a few ideas to keep you "sharp"

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.2. A will is a dead giveaway.3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.4. A backward poet writes inverse.5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.8. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.9. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.10. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.11. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.12. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.13. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.14. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.15. A calendar's days are numbered.16. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.17. A boiled egg is hard to beat.18. He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.19. A plateau is a high form of flattery.20. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.21. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.22. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.23. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.24. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.25. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.26. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.27. Acupuncture: a jab well done.28. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Thursday

Everything Has A Gender

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!