My commitment.

To remember what I learned in the labyrinth in Taos: that rest is not only the duty of the queen, but the first duty of the queen.

And to play around with words and ideas and possibilities so that I can turn this resting thing into something that is workable and meaningful and fun.

Thing 3: Some right people for Hiro’s call.

Here’s what I want:

My dear sweet friend and sister-in-silliness is doing a freebie teleclass to teach interesting things, as a taste of some of what will happen in her Become Your Own Business Adviser course.

It’s going to be a guided process that helps you get in touch with something you really, really want to create in your business (possibly something you don’t know about yet or maybe you have an idea but you’d like to know more).

And about how to make the decisions that will help that good stuff happen, but not decisions based on depletion and freaking-out. Decisions that come from fullness.

Hiro is brilliant at this stuff. I’m sure I never would have been able to create the Playground without the help of this very class that I took last year.

In order to make the Playground happen, I had to also become the person who could handle it. Which meant developing aspects of myself and abilities that were new to me.

So much clarity and enthusiasm and knowing — that’s what I got, and also the insights needed to grow my business in the way that I wanted it to grow.

Anyway, I’m pretty insanely enthusiastic about Hiro’s work. And I would love to see a gazillion people sign up for her call.

Ways this could work:

I might bug her until she writes a post about it.

I can tell you about it, and also tell you that it doesn’t cost anything and that it will be full of usefulness even if you have no intention of ever taking any of her programs, and also where to go to sign up (on that page: the box in the right-hand sidebar).

Or maybe it will just be the right time for the right people.

My commitment.

To love my friend and appreciate her and be one of the people who waves her flag because her mission is linked to mine, and we are pirate queens sailing the same seas.

24 Responses to Very Personal Ads #59: where is my hammock?

@Havi – I now have this image of you in a big ol’ sunhat, resting in a hammock, toes coated with white sand. (Blue blue water and pleasant surf.)

Thing 1: A Habit, that I consciously developed to overcome a disfunction, is no longer serving me well. I want patience so that I don’t try or expect it to go away too quickly. I want something positive in its place – a gently morphing of habits vs my usual M.O. (an explosion, mourning and rebuilding).

My monsters are encouraging me to ignore the habit (to avoid the explosion because I just can’t deal with it right now.)

I want to observe the habit (without changing it. This is something I know to be impossible (the watcher changes the watched). So I want to watch the watcher. To figure it out from clues left behind without interacting with the habit.

Ways this could work: I could take two steps back (or four or eight) and figure out how to use my mad professional skillz on myself. I could approach it like work – make it a game and a puzzle and have fun with it.

My committment: to be creative, to sneak around, to remember (and remind myself) that I am a professional with super-secret spy skills

Thing 2: In the face of a A Lot Going On, I’d like to summon some enthusiasm and energy for the launching of the Thing. (Robot Launch: 3 weeks and counting) Right now, I’m kind of: bleh. I see a long check list ahead of me.

Ways this could work: “rest and resting and restfulness to partner with the doing” to quote someone very wise ;)

More yoga, less running.

More quiet time and more play (and somehow those two aren’t mutually exclusive.)

My Commitment:
A mid-week check in and redirect if this is not working. A talk with myself and my monsters to find out what’s up.

Last week, I asked to find out if my idea was possible and, if so, to make progress on it. This is done. My idea is mostly possible, with one teeny tiny snag, and I decided that the change that would’ve required the most (+ manual + tedious) work is not necessary. Yay.

This week: I’d like for the finishing and opening of my little baby shop to be full of flow and love and joy and celebration.

How this could work: I could do Shiva Nata and then write the remaining descriptions. I could use the Work Party on Wednesday to upload everything. I could celebrate the completion of each step, even the little ones. I could remember that I don’t need it to be perfect, just lovely, and that I can always edit things later. It just could.

My commitment: Shiva Nata, yes. Work Party, yes. Celebrating steps, yes. And I will remember how much love and joy is behind it all.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … ode to joy- volume 32 =-.

While this has nothing to do with VPAs, VPA Day itself is making me rethink my blogging structure, as I am tired tired tired of having “Frrrrriday Rrrrround-up” be my last post every Sunday. Even though it invariably IS my last post as of Sunday, b/c I do not post on Saturday.

Well. First, congrats on your progress! I am glad that you, as hostess with the mostest, are having so many VPAs work out so well. (And I thank you again for doing all of this publicly, and sharing it with us.)

Next, my progress: G-L-A-C-I-A-L. Me no likey. But I had some mini-epiphanies thanks to Jennifer Louden and Jonathan Fields (via the World-Changing Writing Workshop, so thanks, too, to Pace & Kyeli, and more on THAT laters on my blerg.) And while I did not find Mr. Good & Sustainable rhythm, I learned a lot of important things about why it may have been elusive, and yeah, jumping on that this week. (And by “jumping,” I mean “looking and moving gently and cautiously and feeling things in my body,” which is totally a Hiro thing, so THANK YOU, Hiro!)

Which leads us to…

THIS WEEK:

What I want: To write the goddamn essays.

Ways this might work: I write them! (Haha—I am hilarious, I know.) I try writing earlier in the day. I try writing in different spots. I sell my soul to the devil (kidding! He already has it, for that other deal.)

My commitment: Writing! And being nice about it. Putting the puppy on the mat, etcetera.

Hi Havi et al! I’m new here–in fact, I only just recently evolved from a Beloved Lurker into, you know, One Who Comments. So here goes:

I just recently dropped my friend and her husband off at the airport so they could take a trip to Poland where my friend wants to get tested for CCSVI in the hopes that she can get treatment for it (if she has it) and possibly be able to alleviate her MS symptoms. CCSVI is a new and somewhat controversial hypothesis, which is why my friend must travel to Poland to receive treatment. She has a three year old son who has remained behind in Canada with his cousin for the week, while Mom and Dad head overseas for the testing.

Here’s what I want:

For her to be safe. For her to receive good news and adequate treatment. For her to know that, no matter what, she is, and always will be, loved.

Ways this could work:

Regarding the treatment, I honestly don’t know. I only know that I want it to end well.

I could send her the link to this post.

I could (and do) wish/send/vibrate/meditate-on hopeful and positive thoughts for her.

My commitment:

To keep her in mind.
To hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
To trust.
To keep driving her to the airport.

Last week I wanted more flow with my writing, and that has happened, and I wanted a way of getting to Porstmouth which hasn’t – but have loads of support from friends who want to see me read at something similar closer to home and so now am having a little baby idea of holding something similar closer to home.

This week:

VPA one: I want more insight into the writing process – what helps, what hinders, if there are any monsters lurking about that might want to do some colouring.

How this could work:
shiva nata do your magick!
using the aforesaid colouring book
setting aside some time to journal about this
keeping notes
allow myself to feel what I’m feeling and trying to reserve judgement

My commitment:
To give this time
To be curious
To remember to do the things

VPA 2: I want to find connections and support.

How this could work:
Go to the writers group (and try not to get lost this time!)
Talk about what I’m doing with people
Be willing to be more visible – more shiva nata and monsters
Perhaps think about this a bit more – it seems like there’s a lot of pieces to this

My commitment:
To remember it’s ok to be scared. Or petrified.
Do one thing this week
To keep an open mind about where this might come from

@Havi — wishing you lots of restfulness! And I’m sure the HAT will come off without a hitch at the Rally.

@bullwinkle – liked your description of watching the watcher, and not diving in (and exploding.) I do that so often, it’s interesting to see that hey, there are other ways to deal!

Am a bit stuck in the hard, but determined. Last time I VPA’d, I asked to close out my book. Not there yet, but I am sticking to two scene a day schedule… plus I wound up exploding in a good way, working on next book proposal AND starting beta testing of an ecourse AND writing the content outline for an ebook. These VPAs are dangerous! :D

How this might work: Not entirely sure. I’m usually of the rush-and-burn-out school, unable to compartmentalize time and focus. I suspect I need to establish some routines. And possibly Metaphor Mouse the term “routines.”

My commitment: I will definitely spend time with my son every day, write 2 scenes every day, and meditate every day.

What I want:
To feel content exactly where I am, with work and home and relationships and life. No restlessness, please. (Or, be content with restlessness. Ooo, meta.) Happy where I am, for just one week. This week.

Ways this could happen:
Hahaha. No idea. I can’t even imagine it. Maybe just asking myself this question will plant a seed in my brain that sprouts into mindfulness.

My commitment:
My first impulse is to create containers for expressing gratitude, i.e. the garden-variety gratitude journal. But… I haven’t been able to make that work for me. Oh! So I’m going to try writing thank you notes instead. Small, simple notes, at least one a day, and hopefully more. Like:
Dear Very Personal Ads, Thank you for helping me infuse my week with intention. I like the way you’re all silly + magical + mysterious. All my love, B.

Update on Previous: A bajillion years ago I asked for ease and peace with my family visit, and I got some of that, though not as much as I’d hoped for. And then the busy continued for ages and ages, and I just finally have brain space now to frame new asks.

Thing 1: Art Goodness

What I Want: To make progress on the paintings and other art I have going on, and not let myself forget that everything has to make it past the ass point before it looks good. Just because it looks like ass now, doesn’t mean the finished product will suck.

My Commitment: To remind myself of this principle. Perhaps to make some art dedicated to it. Possibly involving a most excellent ass.

Thing 2: Work Goodness

What I Want: I have a nice big pile of work to do, that is a bunch of small tasks for a couple of clients, and I’d like to be able to gather up the pile and then separate it out into tasks and get things done with ease and flow.

My Commitment: To not play too many Facebook games. To go make the big to-do list I’ve been avoiding so I can really see what needs to be done instead of hiding from it. To remind myself that this work is good, it means future paychecks and other goodness. To also work on the things outside this specific pile that are waiting for me.

I have a Thing 3 & 4 forming, but I’m not clear enough on them yet to really ask well, and so 2 will have to be plenty.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Vampire Pumpkin =-.

So, last week my ask was focused on wanting to blend my blog with my business instead of keeping separate blogs. I feel more clear about what I need from each venue and have seen some options that make pursuing the separation less stressful. Sort of in test drive mode for now which has merit.

This week: Recalibration. As an HSP, I’ve developed ever stronger shielding over the years to reduce overwhelm, frustration, and stress. The layering of force fields/walls/what have you are pretty damn effective, but perhaps too much so. I think the shielding may intimidate my Right People or put me off their radar entirely. So, I’m looking to recalibrate these defenses to make myself more visible to my Right People.

How: No frakkin’ clue. Perhaps being more aware of it will shift something. I’m open to suggestions.

Commitment: To keep the recalibration in mind and to have patience with myself.
.-= claire´s last post … Sketchbook- page 42 =-.

Here’s to HATs and RALLIES and to positive energy for everyone’s VPAs.

I am just coming down from the Crazy That Has Been My Life on Hormones (CTHBMLOH), and I slowly am feeling myself become myself again, but a little weepier. The weepy is kind of good, in a way.

Thing 1
To accept the gift of vulnerability and tears that was given to me by CTHBMLOH. To embrace the feeling deeply part, and the emoting beyond anger part too.

How it Might Work
I don’t know. Just noticing, I guess, when I feel deeply and not trying to hide it.

My Commitment
To let the tears come when I feel them well up in my throat
To sit quietly and just feel without trying to shove the feelings down

Thing 2
A Guide for this medical journey. Someone who will let me rest and take on the burden of figuring out what is wrong with my brain/body to cause the symptoms of mysterious causation that CTHBMLOH only made worse.

How it Might Work
I could tell both the allopath and naturopath I’m seeing next that I’m exhausted and I need them to take over
I could trust them to be my guide
I could trust that they will really listen to my story and dig deeper
I could do some shiva nata
I could ask. Oh, yeah, that’s what I’m doing here.
I could relinquish the need to control (hello Monster)

My commitment
To do what I need to do to trust the Universe loves me (ME!) and if I make room it will bring me the Guide I need

Thing 3
Rest and a lessening of the stress in my life, because the stress is making me sicker.

How it might work
Saying no to new projects at work, at least those I need to be in charge of
Water (drinking a lot, with lemon, and dandelion )
Doing restorative yoga, and maybe a gentle hatha class, but nothing that will increase cortisol requirements
No caffeine
Bedtime ritual, including getting off the damn computer by 9p
Breathing

My commitment
When I feel that sick stress feeling, to excuse myself and do something nurturing as soon as possible
To remind myself to breathe
See things 1 & 2
.-= lynn @ human, being´s last post … Rehab =-.

What I want: A new job that’s manageable, involves really nice coworkers and recognition for my work, and moves me toward where I want to be.

How this could work: I could make changes to my resume this week. I could make a list of all the things I want in this ideal job, no matter how outlandish they seem. I could have the courage to pursue what I actually want and turn down what I don’t want. I could refuse to compromise.

My commitment: To at least look at my resume and make one small change to it. To sit with myself and write down what I want. To cultivate faith that there is something better out there.

What I want #2: Relief from my current depression.

How this could work: The doctor I’m seeing tomorrow could actually be good. I could get some sort of medication to help me keep going. I could keep putting most of my outside-of-work energy into getting the food and vitamins that help me get through the day.

My commitment: To forgive myself. To allow myself to not do much. To cultivate faith that I can get better. To pay an absurd amount of attention to sleep and eating.
.-= Kylie´s last post … belonging =-.

Last week, I asked for clarity and comfort. And I found them, many lovely little moments of both. Then I felt lost and frustrated again. Then more clarity and comfort. Then more confusion. Now, at this moment, I’d say my clarity levels are at around 73%, with comfort somewhere in the mid-80′s and rising. So, yeah, it’s a process.

This week, I am asking myself to honor my own sovereignty. I’ve been…caving far too easily lately. I want this to change.

How it can happen: I’m giving myself an imaginary crown. I am visualizing it in exquisite detail. I will wear it every day. I will let it teach me things.

My commitment: To remember that this is a process, with a learning curve, and that success and personal growth are not all-or-nothing/black-and-white. I will give myself credit for every step I take along this path.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … It was bound to happen =-.

I have been a Beloved Lurker for a while, both here and a bit in my own life, but in the spirit of the ask being a win in and of itself, I am trying to dive in.

@Havi The rally will be so exciting and energizing that I hope that will bring you all the benefits, focus, and restoration that rest does.

Thing 1:Here’s what I want:
To get some freelance business going. I left my job to move to CA with my fiance several months back, and while I have been learning and wedding planning and doing a lot of productive work on my blog, I have not been making very much money. And I need to get on that.

Most importantly, I need to pick one particular thing to do instead of getting lost in the sea of things that I am able to do.

Ways this could work:
I could bid on some projects on elance.
I could contact some wedding planners for information about how they work with invite designers and what would make the process better for them that I could offer.
I could pitch some article ideas to magazines.
I could apply to some freelance blogging jobs.

My commitment:
To be focused.
To notice when I am feeling lost at sea, because that is the beginning of saving myself.
To break out of analysis paralysis and do something.

Thing 2: Wedding PlanningHere’s what I want:
To fix the details of the wedding such as who is marrying us, where the rehearsal dinner is, etc. I have not been pushing to get these things done because my fiance is so incredibly busy with work and everyone else has been nagging me for answers and I have hid. But there is not time left.

Ways this could work:
I could list some ministers from the area and call to see who is available.
I could look through some wedding planning books and see what important vendors or appointments I have not thought of scheduling.
I could cut out the patterns for the bridesmaid dressed and get the remaining notions I need at Jo-anns.

My commitment:
Not to be a bridezilla.
Not to be so afraid of above that I don’t get important details decided and settled.
To dive in because a wedding is an exciting and happy, not scary or dutiful, thing.

Thing 3: Routine and AnchorsHere’s what I want:
To have a schedule and deadlines for myself. Things that occur regularly that I can build a sense of belonging and safety around so I don’t constantly feel like I am floating without a sense of direction or course.

Ways this could work:
I could schedule out blocks of time (I’ve tried this) and force myself to stick to them.
I could pick one thing to try to do every day consistently.
I could schedule appointments on the phone, online, or in person with others so that I have less free time to float.
I don’t know. I am incredibly open to suggestions on this.
I could re-visit these VPAs next Sunday and let that become part of my routine.

My commitment:
To be in touch with my friends more (they ground me).
To remember this is important.
To out myself first and not be blown around by the schedules, whims, and needs of other.
.-= Gabi´s last post … 10 Minute Meal – Indian Spread =-.

Non-rest restHere’s what I want:
My other half’s plane landed about 4 hours ago. I haven’t seen him for 99 days/14 weeks/3.5 months. I will be seeing him tomorrow or Wednesday. My ask is that this is a calm transition. I don’t want to turn up and spend the whole time in recovery-mode. I don’t want to focus on all the negative that happened. I’d like to spend the day or two with him peacefully enjoying his company and catching up. And seeing photographs of the geckos. -nods-

Ways this could work:
Take stuff to do so when I wake at 9am and he’s still jetlagged, I can sit in bed with him and work- rather than tyring to restlessly lie beside him or wake him up..

Explain to him early on that I need ten minutes to catch him up with the negativies, and then we can forget about it.

Take nettle tea to his house, to keep ye calm and relaxed.

My commitment.
I will do all I can to give him jet-lag-sleep time.
I will take nettle tea.
I will meditate if I can’t sleep.

erm. To be open. To remind myself that this is now. and this is all that matters.
.-= Rose´s last post … Need to mend your wings =-.

Oh I haven’t VPA’d in a gazillion light timeframes.. and funnily enough, I think I can feel the final fragments of my last Ask settle gently into place. It’s taken a while, though not so long in the greater schemes ..

Wishing magical fairy dust on everyone’s ads ..

Mine for today’s been a while in the forming, and now that it’s here it goes as follows :

I’m looking for/asking for/waiting to discover a new home. It has 2/3 bedrooms, one for each of us, and then one as an office/workspace, and a couple more at least for folk who’ve decided to come down here to work with me in the sun.

It has to be seriously, magically, cheap … my finances are in such a flux of transition that committing to any amount just plain seems unpractical, but then not committing to anything and having no roof for my kids doesn’t seem massively practical either.

It’s accessible, beautiful (in a quirky, friendly way), with plenty of outdoor space and happy trees, maybe even a pool, cos sheesh it’s been hot and a pool is so sweet when it’s hot.

How this could work :
I could speak to friends who may know of a place.
The owner’s could be open to a creative way of making this win-win for all of us, and already be looking for me.
Someone could contact me with a lead.
I could chance across it while pursuing something else.

My commitment :
To let people know locally that this is my Ask.
To stay open to magic happening.
To keep putting energy into my work/thing, so it can draw this place towards us.
To shiva nata so I don’t miss sparkles of possiblity…
To keep listening attentively

my vpa is to learn to own up to my art and truly and really commit to it, and find ways to integrate it into my life in a way that feels like i can call myself an artist. art got sidelined in my life around age 13 and i have lots of stuckification around it, even though i am partway through a masters degree in it!

how: i think what i really want will need to come through my connections with other people. which probably means being open and honest about my art and what it means to me, and not being shy to try out for things that i might or might not be ready for.

my commitment: to keep making work and keep being ok with spending time unstuckifying, and be nice to myself amongst it all.

I’m working on my “shoulds”, and by working on, I mean trying to deal with them as opposed to duct-taping the box shut, throwing a cloth over it, and calling it a table. Because right now, they’ve backed me into a corner, and my writing is on the other side of the room, and that’s not comfortable.

I started with buying a folder, some lined paper, and a pack of colour-changing ducks. It’s a good start, I like it.

After, rolling around and around in the stuck with my eyes tightly clenched, I’m going to officially VPA:

Thing 1: a teaching job in my subject area in a school with good colleagues. Preferably in my state. I trust that either part-time or full-time could turn out to be perfect.

How it could happen: The usual process, or I could hear about it from a friend or colleague.

My commitment: I will complete the applications and follow through by phone for at least 5 openings this week. I will notice when I feel stuck, and have trouble dealing with computer systems and phones. I will be kind to myself but also take some kind of destuckifying action.

Thing 2: a place to live. a reasonable commute from my new job, reasonably cheap, without a multi-month lease, a healthy place for transition

Heres what I want: the motivation (??) to dust off my shiva nata DVD. its been languishing on the shelf behind the TV. My stealth ask from a few weeks ago remains un-answered (prehaps b/c not everything requires a response?) and my gut feel is that theres a pattern there. I just have no idea what that pattern is, but I think I can figure it out with some shiva nautical binginess.

ways this could work: I could stop thinking about it and planning it and just do it. I could unearth the well of motivation. I could remember what I like so much about practicing by myself.

My commitment: To set the alarm tomorrow to include shiva nata time. To not beat myself up if I don’t get up. To not layer the whole thing in guilt and ugliness. To remind the monsters to stay on the patio until I’m done. To have a little ritual that will make it a nice thing and not chore-y. Because it is a nice thing.

My second ask is hard to ask for because I feel greedy having 2 asks. I want to make space to map out my plan for thing 1. the map is in bits and notes and scraps strewn about the house. The plan would like to be neat and orderly and in one place, but I can’t seem to make the time/space for it to be what it wants to be.

way this could work: I could have a jam covered epiphany and figure out why i haven’t been able to get this done in the last 2 weeks. I could work thru some of the day job stress and have the energy after work to make it happen. I could just do it. I could lower the stakes and make it seem less of an IMPORTANT THING TO DO.

my commitment: to lower the stakes. to spend 15 minutes on Tuesday night focusing on Thing 1′s map. to check in with metaphor mouse- maybe it really needs a name change. to remember the play, the fun and the silly and keep them all rolled up into the grown up and the serious.

The ProcrastinationDissolve-o-Matic

Monster Manual and Coloring Book

Even when we know they’re just being horrid because it’s the only way they know to keep us safe, it still sucks when your monsters are around. The Monster Manual tells you exactly what to say so they will stop bugging you.

Rally! Rally Rally!

Events at which you get crazy amounts of stuff done in a short period of time, with support, love, hilarity and massive destuckification. Find upcoming Rallies here!