Why Am I Afraid to Approach Women?

Dan Bacon
Dan Bacon is a dating and relationship expert and the author of The Flow, an eBook that teaches you the easiest way to get laid or get a girlfriend. Dan has been helping new men succeed with women for more than 14 years.

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If you’re afraid to approach women, you most-likely:

Think that women don’t want to be approached, so you’re worried that they’ll see you as a nuisance, rather than seeing it as an awesome opportunity to meet a great guy like you.

Of course, it could also be that you simply don’t know how to feel confident before approaching women. If that’s the case for you, I recommend that you watch this video…

As you will discover from the video above, you have to take control of how you use your mind. You can either use it against you and feel nervous and afraid of approaching women, or use it for your benefit and feel confident and excited about approaching women.

It’s Not Just You: Most Guys Are Afraid to Approach These Days

Over the years, a lot of guys have asked me, “Dan, why am I afraid to approach women?” or “How can I get over my fear of approaching women?” and I’ve always been able to answer them clearly because I too used to be afraid of approaching women.

Growing up, I didn’t have any good male role models who could show me how to be confident around women. My father is a nice guy (and is still happily married to my mother), but that doesn’t mean he had or has the ability to teach me or anyone else how to be confident, especially around women.

So, what did I do? I did what most modern men do and looked to TV, movies and even the lyrics of songs for the answers on how to be confident with women.

Yet, instead of teaching me how to be a confident guy who could easily walk up to women and talk to them without fear or hesitation, the media that I was consuming was making me even more afraid of women than I was before.

The more music videos I saw (especially those with confident women who would push men around or act like they didn’t even need a man), the more insecure I became and the more afraid I felt of approaching women.

Over time, I become more and more afraid to approach women because according to what I was seeing in the media, they didn’t even need a man. The media was telling me that I had to be tall, good looking, rich, have a six pack, wear the latest fashions, have a cool hairstyle and drive an expensive car…and THEN I would be good enough for women.

Back then, I didn’t know that the media was feeding me a bunch of bullshit. I fell for it hook, line and sinker until I realized the real reason why guys get rejected by women…

As you will discover from the video above, guys make up all sorts of excuses as to why they believe women are rejecting them. Yet, it comes down to one, simple thing: His lack of ability to trigger feelings of attraction inside of a woman when he meets her.

The Crazy World Depicted in Movies and TV Dramas

Have you ever seen something like this in a movie or TV drama show?

A guy approaches a woman he finds attractive, she looks him up and down and either flat out rejects him in front of everyone (possibly even humiliating him), ignores him or tells him to go away. Hurt and embarrassed, he walks away and his friends (who are also clueless with women) sympathize with him.

Then, one of the guys will come up with an idea on how to get her attention and finally get a chance with her. Eventually, after saving the girl from disaster, saving the world or saving the day in some way, the girl will then like the hopeless guy and they will live happily ever after.

How many times have you seen that type of scenario play out on a TV show or at the movies?

What happens for a lot of guys is that they see that stuff in movies and on TV and they think that to approach and pick up a woman, he is going to have to do something AMAZING to really impress her. Yet, it’s actually a lot more simple than that…

As you will see from the video above, it’s actually a lot easier to impress women than most guys realize.

Most guys try really hard to impress women because they assume that women are so much more valuable than they are.

Yet, here’s the thing…

A woman only has as much dating value as you place on her. If you think she is a 10/10 and you’re a 6/10, then you’re probably going to feel unworthy around her.

However, if you think that she is a 10/10 and you are too, then you’re going to feel confident, comfortable and at ease around her.

Getting Real

If you believe that women are bitches and will rudely reject you if you approach them, then you’re naturally going to feel nervous, afraid and hesitant to approach women.

After all, who wants to be rejected and humiliated like the guys in movies or music videos who are slapped (or who have drinks tipped over their head) in front of everyone? Who wants to be laughed at by women and told to, “Go away!” when they approach?

No one.

Yet, here’s thing…

In real life, most women are open to being approached as long as the guy is confident, easy-going and friendly. If you are nervous and shy and fidget or talk really fast, women will reject your attempts to speak with them.

If you’re not confident (and thus not attractive), women don’t want to give you the wrong idea by being nice to you and helping to keep the conversation going. Instead, they just reject you and hope that you leave and go bother some other girl.

Have Your Male Role Models Taught You to Be Afraid of Women?

The truth is, most guys can’t teach you how to be confident around attractive women because most guys are afraid to approach women and they simply pass on their insecurities to other guys.

For example: Insecure guys tell other guys, “Women are all bitches” or “Women only want to be approached by tall, good looking rich guys” or “If you don’t have muscles, women will reject you” and other garbage like that.

They usually reinforce what they are saying by telling stories about their failed attempts at approaching women.

“Oh, one time I approached a few girls at a bar and they actually told me to go away. I know I’m not good looking, but why do they have to be so mean?”

Yet, what guys like don’t realize is that, in 95% of cases, the women were rejecting him because of his lack of ability to trigger their feelings of attraction (e.g. by being confident, charismatic, funny, etc) not because women are mean and cold like they’re made out to be in the movies.

Are You an Alpha Male?

Whether we men like it or not, women are most attracted to guys who display alpha male traits and behaviors.

Why? A woman’s attraction to a man is directly linked to his survival traits. Although a lower ranking male (e.g. a nervous, shy guy) might be able to survive, thrive and prosper in this world, a woman just doesn’t feel as safe and secure with him.

As you may have noticed, human beings are usually just a hurricane away from being forced back into basic survival. It is because of threats like that and the fact that it’s challenging and difficult to survive, thrive and prosper in today’s world that women are still instinctively attracted to men who display alpha male traits.

A nervous, shy guy is ranked as a lower-ranking male and will usually be treated with disdain by women because they don’t want to have to take care of him and protect him from the world.

Instinctively, women seek to find a guy who is stronger than them and who will remain strong in the face of adversity or challenge, so that she can stick to being girly instead of having to put on a masculine persona and think, behave and act like a man.

To trigger a woman’s feelings of attraction for alpha male traits, you do not have to be the most alpha guy in the world. You simply have to display some of the traits when you interact with her. Some women want a guy who is very alpha, but most are happy with a guy who is just a bit alpha.

When a guy asks me, “Dan, why am I afraid to approach women?” it’s pretty much always because he is thinking (and thus behaving) like a lower-ranking male. For example: He will think that he isn’t worthy for the women he is approaching.

An alpha male knows that he is good enough. How? His confidence and alpha male traits consistently makes women that he meets feel attracted to him, so he no longer has to get himself in the mood to approach or try hard to remain confident when talking to a woman.

An alpha male simply thinks in a way that makes him feel confident and at ease around women. His confidence is intoxicating to women and they love being around him.

Problems That a Lower-Ranking Male Experiences

Lower ranking males naturally have a difficult time attracting women (because women are turned off by their lack of confidence and alpha male traits) and dealing with confident, challenging people.

Many guys unknowingly develop serious anxiety and social fears as a result of thinking like a lower-ranking male, that they go on to poison their body with pharmaceutical drugs (e.g. Xanax, Klonopin, Valium, Ativan, Prozac, etc) that claim to “cure anxiety.”

Pharmaceutical drugs do not cure anxiety, they simply dull your brain and make you less aware of what is going on around you.

Curing anxiety simply involves changing how you think. I’ve done it (I used to suffer from social anxiety) and so can you.

So, let’s have a look at some of the problems a lower-ranking male will experience.

He will often:

1. Lack confidence and have low self-esteem

Guys with low self-esteem don’t believe they deserve to have a beautiful woman. They might daydream about it, but when in front of a beautiful woman, they freeze up and can’t stop themselves from feeling unworthy.

This belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because no woman wants to constantly be telling her man that he is good enough for her, that he deserves to be with her and that he can achieve great things in life. She wants him to already have that type of confidence and self-belief.

Lack emotional strength

Since he lacks confidence and has low self-esteem, a lower-ranking male will often buckle under the pressure that a beautiful woman puts him through during an interaction (e.g. she plays hard to get, stops contributing to the conversation to test his confidence, etc).

After getting rejected again and again, he wonders to himself, “Why can’t I find a nice girl?” because most women he speaks to seem to be rude or cold towards him.

He just doesn’t realize that they are simply testing to see how confident he is. When he fails the test and the woman feels stronger than him, she will usually say something like, “Umm, sorry…I have a boyfriend” or, “I have to go to the bathroom” after which she won’t come back to talk to him again.

3. Feel shy and nervous around attractive women

A guy who is shy might think he is being “cute” or “sweet” by appearing vulnerable like a loveable loser in a movie, but in real life, women just don’t like it. His shyness puts all the pressure on the woman to manage the conversation and keep it going. Trying to get a guy to open up can really be exhausting for a woman and when she realizes that she’s just not feeling any attraction for him (because he’s not confident), she will quickly lose interest in talking to him.

4. Have no idea how to make a woman feel like a real woman

A woman wants to be seduced by a man, from the moment that they make eye contact to when he finally undresses her in the bedroom and slides his dick inside of her. True seduction is not about using tacky seduction tricks or being sleazy. Instead, it’s about making her feel like a woman wants to feel when in the presence of man she likes.

To make a woman feel like a real woman, you’ve got to allow her to be feminine, girly and emotional and you will only be able to do that if you truly understand how to think, behave and act like a masculine man.

If you’re too neutral (i.e. neither very masculine or very feminine, but somewhere in between) with a woman, she won’t be able to relax into her feminine role. You’ve got to embrace your masculinity and be the man.

If you’re not willing to do that, most of the beautiful, feminine women that you meet won’t feel enough attraction to justify having sex with you or becoming your girlfriend.

5. Believe that modern women must be shallow and only want looks, money and power from men

Since most guys pay way too much attention to what they get told by magazines, TV advertising, sitcoms and movies, they begin to believe that women are only interested in what clothes or cologne a guy wears, how he looks, what care he drives, the amount of money he has or by power that he wields in society.

So, if he isn’t not wearing his best shirt or hasn’t styled his hair perfectly, he will feel afraid to approach women in fear of being rejected for his imperfect appearance. He will forget the fact that he always sees all sorts of “weird-looking” guys with beautiful women, who do not look like the male models from TV commercials or magazine ads.

Instead of accepting that as part of this reality, he will stick to believing that women are shallow and that they expect absolute male model perfection from guys. The longer you believe that kind of crap, the more of your life will waste away in unnecessary insecurity and fear.

Believe that all the good women are taken

Since most guys don’t actively approach new women outside of the social circle they know, they eventually come to the conclusion that all the good women are taken.

After all, it’s easier to say that there’s no good women left to approach than to admit to themselves (and others) that they are afraid to approach the women they find attractive.

If a guy does work up the confidence to approach a woman that he finds attractive, but doesn’t know how to make her feel attracted to him, he will come to the conclusion that none of the available women are interested in him.

It sucks to think like that. I know because I used to be like that. I used wonder, “Why can’t I find a nice girl who will love me for who I am now? What is so wrong with me that girls aren’t interested in me?”

I didn’t realize how simple the problem was: I was talking to women, but I wasn’t doing enough to trigger their feelings of attraction for me. In most cases, I was just being a typical nice guy and hoping to be liked for how good of a guy I was.

I didn’t know that being nice wasn’t enough to get a woman interested in starting a sexual relationship with me…

As you will discover from the video above, there’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but you also have to make her feel attracted to you. You have to start with attraction and everything else flows on naturally after that.

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Author: Dan Bacon

Dan Bacon is a dating and relationship expert. He knows the secret to attracting and picking up women for sex and relationships, which has allowed him to enjoy his choice of women for many years. Watch this free training and he will share the secret with you.

8 Comments

Phil

Are you ben and stu really not offering any more lifestyle courses? I was really hoping to get one next year.

Dan Bacon

Hey Phil

Thanks for your question.

Stu is currently available for courses. I am in a committed relationship with my perfect woman after having sex with more than 250 women (it was a LOT of fun). Ben is unavailable because he is travelling.

I am looking forward to running some seminar-style workshops next year, but for now I am working on other things for The Modern Man. I also have some plans to do some international events, but all that will be revealed later.

Get in touch when you are nearly ready to take the course and we will chat then.

Cheers
Dan

Darren

Ey Dan I got a question I have a prOblem were I gGo up to the female but. I zone out an don’t know what to say and make it akward any thing on that?it’s always I choke and it’s sucks thanks ￼:)

Dan Bacon

Hi Darren

Thanks for your question.

That’s what this program is for my friend: http://store.themodernman.com/in/3885871 If you need to learn, don’t waste time thinking about it – just get started, learn the right way to do it and then get on with enjoying your life with women.

Cheers
Dan

Sam

Hi dan just a question for u i would just like to ask u what program do u think would be best for me,I have read the flow which is a great book. I have been separated and nearly 2 years and was married for 10 years so i never had to worry about approaching girls now all my mates are married ,so I have to go out on my own which is hard because if a girl asks who are u here with and u say on ur own you sound like a loner with no mates and they look at u funny ,and proberly puts her off. I was lookin at better than a bad boy ,let me know what u think thanks mate

Dan Bacon

Hey Sam

Thanks for your question.

If most of your friends are married and you need people to go out approaching with, need to make some new friends or want to meet women in environments where you don’t have to approach, then 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend is the ideal program for you: http://store.themodernman.com/in/e8ead2

Most of the ways to get a girlfriend involve putting yourself in situations where women naturally talk to you, where you meet new friends and where people want to introduce you to other women.

Cheers
Dan

P.S. Sorry for the delay in replying. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks getting this new design done for the site. I’m now working through the backlog of comments.

Justin

Hey dan i have a question there this girl i liked for 9 years. She is a classy type she is of my age. Everytime i look at her she looks at me back but just a really brief moment then she look in another way then when my friends tease me that i like her and she hears it she blushes is that a sign that she possibly likes me or another possibility?