Mar 1, 2004

Stand the Hell by...

All right, it’s go time. You are about to witness the ravings of one pissed off Marine. And I’ve got Patton playing in the other room, so this is likely to be loud, long, and vulgar. I’ll just get right to the point and tell you what put me over the edge today. Maureen Dowd.

That’s right. That little poodle-felching wench has finally pushed my hot button. Usually I’ll just laugh off her shite. Hey, she can spout her opinion as much as she wants. Hell, she gets paid to do that. But I can finally confirm that I wouldn’t piss on her to put her out if she was on fire. Besides, it wouldn't help. Napalm is pretty sticky.

“... Bush officials act as though they own 9/11, even while refusing to own up to any 9/11 mistakes.
Because of 9/11, they think they can suspend the Constitution, blow off investigators, attack nations pre-emptively, and keep Americans afraid by waging a war against terrorism that can never be won.”

That’s right: We CANNOT win. EVER. So speaks the font of military knowledge and foreign policy brilliance that IS Maureen “Poodle-felcher” Dowd.

Well, I guess we ougtha just throw in the fucking towel right now huh? Pack your bags folks. Lets us ALL walk over the cliff into the sea. We need to clear out New York and LA and DC and Chicago and Miami and Seattle and the whole fucking country and just hand it over to Al-Qaeda, Hamas, the Al-Asqua Martyrs Brigade and all the rest. We CAN’T win. It’s a for-fucking-gone conclusion. Hit the showers. We’re callin’ up the bullpen and puttin’ in the Lefty. Thanks for playing.

I’d like to respond to the statement made by the new SecDef, MIIIZZZ Dowd with the following:

Ahem…. SCREW YOU, YOU SYPHILITIC HAG.

She quotes 9/11 commission member Bob Kerry as saying: "To declare war on terrorism, it seems to me to have the target wrong," he said. "It would be like after the 7th of December, 1941, declaring war on Japanese planes. We declared war on Japan. We didn't declare war on their tactic. . . . Terrorism is a tactic."

Yeah well, riddle me this: assuming that Al-Qaeda is dead and buried (which it isn’t, but we’ll just assume) does that mean we’ve won? Are we safe then? Or is it maybe a little more like THIS?

And here’s some other shit that pissed me off today. Haiti. That’s right Haiti. And the fact that everybody’s falling all over themselves now to go unscrew that place because it’s just “the right thing to do.”

What? Do we need to think that the Hatians have nukes for it to be a bad idea to go there? I mean, if they were a terrorist training ground with possible ties to 9/11 and had openly applauded the deaths of Americans, would it then have been a BAD IDEA to go there? “No blood for…. uh… mangoes?” What the fuck, over?

Ohhhh, wait. This is okay because the French and the UN are in on it… THAT’S it. Here’s the quote from Kofi Annan that I just loved:

"I know some of them may think it (the council action) is a bit late, but it's better late than never and we will do whatever we can to support them”

Kofi Annan, ladies and gents. There he is, in all his glory. “Oh, we’re a little behind, but we’re on it now. Pssstt… hey uhhh, George…. yeah, ummm…. We’re a little short on Blue-Helmets right now, and we know that you’ve got some long-standing experience with this kind of stuff, soooo…. ummm… could ya maybe spot us a couple Marines?”

Anybody want to know how to do a UN salute? Hold your arms straight out at your sides, palms up. Now bring your elbows down until they touch your ribs, then move your shoulders up and down and make a sound not unlike “eyduno”. Theeeerrrreee ya go.

Oh, here’s the other fun thing from today. Jean-Bertrand Aristide was kidnapped. That’s right… We know this because Congresswoman Maxine Waters got a phone call from him. You know, that whole "proof-of-life" thing so that we could prove we hadn't killed him and then still get our ransom money. Yeah... like that.

He wasn’t crying like a little bitch for the US to safely escort him out of the country to keep from being lynched by his own people. NOOOOOO NO. The Sooper-Secret-Squirrel Snatch & Grab Squad of the US Marine Corps’ Ghost-Shadow-Spooky Platoon, Bravo Company, 1st Teletransportation Regiment beamed his ass onto a private jet with leather seats, champagne, and warm hand-towels. Oh, did I mention it was a “No Lynching” flight?

I have a buddy in that Platoon that kidnapped Aristide. Oh yeah. But he told me that if I told anybody about it, they’d have to be kidnapped as well…. to wherever they wanted to go… with champagne service and warm towels. Who wants to go first?

So, to sum up, I’m sick to death of the defeatism, the hypocrisy, and the utter asininity that has overrun the perimeter around here. I trust terrorists before I trust Maureen Dowd, Kofi Annan, and Maxeen Waters. At least when the terrorists say they want to kill me, I know they mean it. When those other assclowns starts running their sucks, you never know what you’re gonna get. But you can be sure it’ll be delivered with a sneer, a shrug, and a steaming bag of shit.