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I had a crush on a much older woman at my work for 3 agonizing years. Despite being capable of dealing with younger, and what was perceived as, more attractive women, I've never really cared for that **** it's easy to have a hot body at 22, no one cares. This woman went to the gym 6 days a week and ate grass or some **** to look like that. I became utterly and hopelessly infatuated, then just intimidated.

It got so bad and finally I left her a letter at her desk (well, crumpled up in her trash bin and had someone fetch it out when I called in smashed out of my face at 10 am). So I come into work next week and just sit at the smoking area where I always see her but try and play it off all cool and pretend I'm reading Kerouac (ugh). She later talks to me and says I appreciate that note very much anddddddd my reaction is to blush, make incoherent noises, turn around and walk into the door.

Then turn the handle.

Then walk into the door again.

Then turn it properly and run down the stairs.

I didn't speak to her for a few months after that. Until 3 months ago I came in on my day off, hammered as **** and called her outside to talk. She obliged. So I start out fine then degrade into Tom Arnold with a limp ****. Somehow it was the government, I saw a UFO once etc. I'm so completely mortified at the shame loop I'm caught in spewing out nonsensical rambling I can't stop.

I CAN'T STOP. STOP WEARING TIGHT CLOTHES.I CAN'T....I PRETENDED I WASN'T LOOKING BUT I WAS THAT ONE TIME YOU CAME OUTSIDE AND A GUST OF WIND SHOT UP YOUR SKIRT.WHATAMIDOINGSTOPSTOPSTOP-I THINK DRAGONS WERE PROBABLY REAL THEY'RE JUST EXTINCT THEY FOUND ALL THOSE BONES IN THAT VOLCANO-

BLLALAAHASHDHDJDNDNDAAAAAAAAAAAAARFFFFFFF!!!!!

All over my shoes. I quit that job two weeks later. So I don't have one.

I had a crush on a much older woman at my work for 3 agonizing years. Despite being capable of dealing with younger, and what was perceived as, more attractive women, I've never really cared for that **** it's easy to have a hot body at 22, no one cares. This woman went to the gym 6 days a week and ate grass or some **** to look like that. I became utterly and hopelessly infatuated, then just intimidated.

It got so bad and finally I left her a letter at her desk (well, crumpled up in her trash bin and had someone fetch it out when I called in smashed out of my face at 10 am). So I come into work next week and just sit at the smoking area where I always see her but try and play it off all cool and pretend I'm reading Kerouac (ugh). She later talks to me and says I appreciate that note very much anddddddd my reaction is to blush, make incoherent noises, turn around and walk into the door.

Then turn the handle.

Then walk into the door again.

Then turn it properly and run down the stairs.

I didn't speak to her for a few months after that. Until 3 months ago I came in on my day off, hammered as **** and called her outside to talk. She obliged. So I start out fine then degrade into Tom Arnold with a limp ****. Somehow it was the government, I saw a UFO once etc. I'm so completely mortified at the shame loop I'm caught in spewing out nonsensical rambling I can't stop.

I CAN'T STOP. STOP WEARING TIGHT CLOTHES.I CAN'T....I PRETENDED I WASN'T LOOKING BUT I WAS THAT ONE TIME YOU CAME OUTSIDE AND A GUST OF WIND SHOT UP YOUR SKIRT.WHATAMIDOINGSTOPSTOPSTOP-I THINK DRAGONS WERE PROBABLY REAL THEY'RE JUST EXTINCT THEY FOUND ALL THOSE BONES IN THAT VOLCANO-

BLLALAAHASHDHDJDNDNDAAAAAAAAAAAAARFFFFFFF!!!!!

All over my shoes. I quit that job two weeks later. So I don't have one.

tk;dr : I'd be a troll.

great reading

GT////The UndrAchieverYou got the nerve to push the envalope man... You got some skill that's..that's what it takes

I had a crush on a much older woman at my work for 3 agonizing years. Despite being capable of dealing with younger, and what was perceived as, more attractive women, I've never really cared for that **** it's easy to have a hot body at 22, no one cares. This woman went to the gym 6 days a week and ate grass or some **** to look like that. I became utterly and hopelessly infatuated, then just intimidated.

It got so bad and finally I left her a letter at her desk (well, crumpled up in her trash bin and had someone fetch it out when I called in smashed out of my face at 10 am). So I come into work next week and just sit at the smoking area where I always see her but try and play it off all cool and pretend I'm reading Kerouac (ugh). She later talks to me and says I appreciate that note very much anddddddd my reaction is to blush, make incoherent noises, turn around and walk into the door.

Then turn the handle.

Then walk into the door again.

Then turn it properly and run down the stairs.

I didn't speak to her for a few months after that. Until 3 months ago I came in on my day off, hammered as **** and called her outside to talk. She obliged. So I start out fine then degrade into Tom Arnold with a limp ****. Somehow it was the government, I saw a UFO once etc. I'm so completely mortified at the shame loop I'm caught in spewing out nonsensical rambling I can't stop.

I CAN'T STOP. STOP WEARING TIGHT CLOTHES.I CAN'T....I PRETENDED I WASN'T LOOKING BUT I WAS THAT ONE TIME YOU CAME OUTSIDE AND A GUST OF WIND SHOT UP YOUR SKIRT.WHATAMIDOINGSTOPSTOPSTOP-I THINK DRAGONS WERE PROBABLY REAL THEY'RE JUST EXTINCT THEY FOUND ALL THOSE BONES IN THAT VOLCANO-

BLLALAAHASHDHDJDNDNDAAAAAAAAAAAAARFFFFFFF!!!!!

All over my shoes. I quit that job two weeks later. So I don't have one.

tk;dr : I'd be a troll.

great reading

Thanks. Unfortunately, true story. I have plenty of them. Perhaps I'll pour a few of them into topics that compliment their musky aroma.

I have no shame though. There's one about limp bizkit and a shampoo bottle. And though I may cringe at the quiet patpatpat my phone makes whilst admitting that, I subscribe to the opinion everyone has deeply perverted, embarrassing stories locked away, that my only crime is honesty.

I went in to an interview today at this really fancy office, all high tech and stuff... but I was kinda thirsty so I was walking back to the bathrooms to find a water fountain.Some fitty-odd, sixty-odd woman walks down the middle of this office building wearing a shirt and a purse.And in like no hurry at all. Strangest thing.

"I don't know if I'm drunk or you're naked. Possibly both."

"The point of war is not to die for your country. It's to make the enemy die for his."