Tuesday, January 30, 2007

(4:18 PM) | Anthony Paul Smith:

Blogging and Pornography: A Scientific Inquiry

Recently I have been accused of playing no small part in keeping women from posting at The Valve. Granted, with my loin cloth, hunting bow, and BudLight in koozie replete with large breasted women in swimming suit I am incredibly masculine - even toxically so. The ooze which drips from my massive and bulging man testicles has been known to damage local water supplies. All this being true, I still don't know if I am really to blame for the lack of women authors at The Valve, or within intellectual and academic blogging generally. I mean, really, my writings account for very little within The Valve's comment boxes and even less within the blogosphere as a whole.

I have an explanation though and empirical data to help prove my point. Indeed, this post will constitute a veritable argument of scientific and rational rigour worthy of CVing. The answer, my friends, is simple - pornography. Specifically internet pornography. Internet pornography is a 2.5 billion dollar industry, with pornographic websites making up 12% of the internet and 25% of all searches. No one, except a complete a priori fucking idiot, can deny that pornography is to the internet what anal fisting is to Claire - inseparable.

What is interesting for the purposes of our question (Why exactly do women not post at The Valve and on academic blogs more generally?) is the breakdown of men and women who have admitted to using the internet for pornography. While only 28% of women use the internet in this way, 72% of men, 20% of which look up pornography at work. Of this 20% nearly 90% are academics. It's only academics who have the real privacy in their offices, between office hours and class, to look up porn on their computer at work. Now here you'll have to forgive my amateur psychologizing, but I ask you to trust in my near clairvoyant ability to know shit. Academic men are guilty by nature, much guiltier than academic women due to our unnatural attempts at feminism clashing with our insatiable urge to be called men resulting in hostile and hyper-masculine work environments. Due to this guilt academic men must create a reason for being online in the first place to create a situation in which they can, eventually, come to the real purpose - masturbating while watching porn. This creation - the academic blogosphere. Women simply don't post at The Valve because they don't need an excuse to go online, look up "slutty girls+ball gags" or “alt porn”, and jerk it. One can only assume that the most successful women bloggers have been made to play a man's game and so BitchPhD surely whittles away her time looking up pornography and jilling it before writing her next post on Plan B or the latest precocious happenings of PK.

I hope that this rigorous and scientific piece will put to rest any and all irrational speculation on why women do not post at The Valve.