Thursday, March 5, 2009

Stand up. Change is here. No questions asked, or you will irritate Obama. Thanking Glenn Beck, I present to you the Obama National Anthem:

Now sit. Listen up, you pundits. You represent old America. A lost opportunity.

Conservatism is gone, you voted for change, so deal with it. Are there any entrepreneurs or innovators our there? Better not be. Not any more, Obama won't allow it. Change is here. The voice of authority will rise to create "New America," and you are followers of the new regime, under Obama. We trust.

You are wrong.

Everything Old America fought for and believed in are no longer a quality of, or a position within big-government that now rule this country. Your sacrifices, the blood spilled by Old America veterans and hard working entrepreneur's of the past mean nothing. Constitution my ass. Obama is here to stay, forever.

Do I hear static opposition to New America? Can you hear that?

"You--Jim Cramer! Stand up," says Squealer. Obama tells me you think our liberal economic policies represent the "greatest wealth destruction" by a president. "I'm not entirely sure what [you are] pointing to," because your money help us think; so, spending your income and taxing you more will help prevent another economic crisis from ever happening again. During these dark and gloomy times lurking in today's economy, which of course is the fault of Old America, redistributing your money is in the best interests of the people.

Now sit.

Whether it be 401(k)s or individual stocks or pension plans, those are on New America's enemies list. The enemy is wrong. You are wrong. You will change. No more wealth. All your money are belong to us.

What's that I hear?

Rush Limbaugh?! "You know," says Squealer. "I'd like to think, and I think New America would like to think, that you will change too." You must change. Your old ways, Old America is gone. Those of you out there, if you agree with Rush Limbaugh, speak up and thou shall be scorned. You failures. You small audience simpletons. You fake day-to-day economists just don't get it.

You are broken.

Old America's methods are incompatible with the future. Are you still hoping in the wrong direction? Can you see the light? You better not be. Squealer will Barack the hell out of you! Turn the lights out. New America is giving hope you never thought possible. Hope that isn't possible.

At once, everyone, hold up your Hope cups. Steady.

OK - now! Drink our decaf coffee.

Stop.

No more.

We can't afford it.

Who's unemployed? Raise your hands. You--all of you, we need more tax revenue to keep the enemy of our past economic mistakes away. Prepare your tax returns. In New America's attempt to create a "prosperous" welfare state, we are raising taxes on everyone. Obama Nation -- ahem, New America is going to redistribute your money to the people we think have been screwed by Old America. We will throw your money around until this crisis goes away. It will work! The economy is in shambles. Doom! Gloom! Quickly--!

1 comment:

Sad to think that everything I have done in my life has lead us to the failures that we are. Job creation, wealth creation, raising a family and paying my bills has created this mess and for that I am damned to hell, or worse, 4 years of Lord Obama with his one hand slapping my poor pathetic loser face and the other in my pants taking my last 10-dollar bill.