The shit male candidates don't have to deal with

Hélène Vincent is running for the District 8 (Back Bay, Beacon Hill, Fenway, Mission Hill) city-council seat that Josh Zakim is giving up. Last night, she posted a photo of a stairway in an apartment or condo building and, in a series of tweets, reported:

"Can I count on your vote?"

"Yes, if no one knocks on the door who's more attractive" - said by a 77 year old man wearing an open bathrobe and no pants...

People ask me what the hardest part of running for office. I’ll be honest, it’s not the long hours. It’s not the fundraising,

It’s dealing with shit like this every single day and still finding the courage to go knock another door. Usually, I force myself to get right back on the horse and keep going. But today, for some reason, I literally just can’t.

All I want to do is just sit in this stairwell and give up.

Of course, if I do that, nothing will change. People won’t take women or young people seriously and it’ll be the same old story. As AOC said: “For 1 of us to make it through, 100 of us have to try.”

Comments

How could you not take a candidate seriously who uses vocabulary like “shit” when they write. She sounds more like a cranky pants as opposed to a serious candidate for any seat. I just knew it would be a great post since Adam used the ever so professional term “crap” in his headlines. How old are we?

Instead of playing little OMG FOUL LANGUAGE OMG games, why the fucking hell don't you stop and think for a minute how much your being male and white makes it so that you never have to put up with this SHIT?

Oh, wait - empathy is an advanced emotional state. It requires understanding what others have to live with, not declaring that what you can't see doesn't happen.

how about you and others stop painting all white males as those who "do not have to put up with this shit?" I'm sure many "white" males have to put up with a lot of shit, including putting up with folks like you who make white male bashing a hobby. (Although I digress, I know of many white males in my family who had and have a lot of shit to deal with in their lives. Ok, so they are not getting cat called, but shit is shit, correct?) It is getting old, worn and tired.

When young women complain about these occurrences, I realize how far we have come (and how far we have to go). This kind of sexual harassment was once so common to me, i never thought about complaining. Because, 1. you can't complain more than once or you be that woman that complains about everything, 2. I was so focused on whether they lunged at me, I would be relieved if they merely exposed themselves. Please don't confuse me with an apologist, these things are not ok. I am grateful that young women expect to be treated fairly, and I am changing my mindset to support them.

"Indeed it is. So...try to keep up...take the "lot of shit" that your white males put up with, and add to it racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, islamophobia, xenophobia, etc. -- and you have what?
MORE SHIT.
Shit that the white males in your family don't have to deal with."

I, for one, am a while male that has had to put up with homophobia. There's a couple of us. Just so you know.

Blaming every person with light skin and a penis for all the evil in the world gets old - even to a few people without penises, but with light skin. This is why large numbers of them voted for his Orangeness.

You may not like it - but take a step back and listen to yourself - racism, sexism, misandry, heterophobia, christophobia, xenophilia etc. isn't going to win over any Trump supporters - it only makes them stronger and more convinced of their righteousness.

And this is why 35% of the country literally could still vote for TCO (The Chosen One) even if he shot someone at high noon on Broadway. Add in another 10-15% of the country that is afraid of the Bernie Bros and his progressive offspring - and you quickly get to the roughly 47% of the national vote needed to say hello to Orange is the new second term president (as long as that 47% is distributed to the right states).

"People who call people out for their shitty racism are the REAL racists. Also misandry is totally a real problem, and not just something I made up in my head because my simplistic view of the world demands there be be two equal, opposite sides in every situation" -- delusional shitheels who will vote for Trump to pwn the libs, even though they're voting against their own interests

Where did Whyaduck make a racist comment - or any of the other things lbb is accusing him/her of? lbb went after Whyaduck for having the audacity to say that not all white males live lives of caviar and champagne and eternal pleasure so he is therefore a racist, sexist, misogynistic etc.

And that's the point - if you keep calling other people names based on their race, gender, religion etc., at some point they circle the wagons and vote for idiots like his Royal Orangeness because with all his faults, he recognizes that most of these people are just trying to get by and the world hasn't handed them everything on a silver platter. The fact that he recognizes this appeals to them. Trying to tell people fighting like the rest of us to simply put a meal on the table that due to an accident of birth they are automatically terrible human beings gets old after a while and they push back.

Those who forget history (if you can already call 2016 history) are destined to repeat it. The math to Trump 2.0 is simple and your attitudes are adding multiplication to my addition.

Naw ... whyaduck is an everyday suckup enabler of male entitlement. That's why she still has to commute. Ghasoline is a weapons-grade wealthy pedophile enabler, and that's why she still lives in mansions not her own.

I've knocked doors in Mass, NH, and Maine. I've seen plenty of man-nips, and several woman-nips. I've seen robes not closed. I've seen people in all sorts of what-the-hell-are-you-doing-opening-the-door-in-that-state-of-undress.

And yes, I've been blatantly harassed, by both men and women, in ways that were way out of bounds.

Not as often as happens to women though there's no way it happens to H. Vincent "every single day." Did I feel vulnerable or fear for my safety? Only twice (mean dude in Mass, very touchy lady with gun visible from doorway in NH).

To say male candidates or canvassers don't have to deal with it is simply not true. Not as often, not as severe, not as terrifying. But men are victims to sexual harassment and sexual assault more than never.

I ran for city council in Chelsea a few years ago. (I dropped out due to day job issues). Since I'm a guy I can't relate to the women issues but I do know something about campaigning...

The worst part was knocking on doors. I could do city gatherings (i.e. Taste of Chelsea or ChelYEAH) cuz its easier to talk to people. But randomly knocking on doors is a daunting task, in general no matter what sex it is.

For me, I also live in a heavily latino district so a big burly white guy with a beard comes knocking on your door, you'll likely not get much of an answer. Then the ones that DO answer, are annoyed you knocked, and you're bothering them.

And much like Ms Vincent has experienced, I've seen and heard alot too. My fav was the down right racism in my district. Its like hello... all your neighbors are latino and you're a racist. Ah man...time to move if you feel that way.

And yeah I've seen naked people, drugged out people (a kid answered the door and mom was zoned out on the sofa), people that clearly had issues, and many more. It was eye opening to say the least.

The bottom line.. door knocking is the single most reason why I did not decide to try to re-run this year. I just could not do it, it's very tough. I can't imagine what it's like for a woman...

Did NH back in 2008, would not dream about doing so today. It does teach you that a large part of the population has a pretty slim grip on reality. And I am male. Still my sympathy is with the candidate. That shit is just wrong.

Step 1: run for local office and be subjected to disgusting misogyny, then subject yourself to even more disgusting misogyny from randos on UHub when you tweet about it to your 467 followers
Step 2: ???
Step 3: win the election!

Does she (or do you) really think that when she arrived at his door, he was fully clothed, then as quick as a bunny ditched the trousers and the tighty whities because, well, female canvasser?

When I first read the writeup, I saw the point in that there's no way that either Montez Hayward or Landon Lemoine would be told that someone would vote for him unless a better looking candidate showed up. That said, I would guess that if either of them showed up at the address 10 minutes on either side of Ms. Vincent, they'd have found out what this guy's junk looked like as well.

To summarize, there were two different breaches of protocol. The comment was the sexist one. The lack of pants was a common decency one that could happen to anyone. And trust me, most guys don't want to see a random guy's penis.

you arrive at the point that was easy to arrive at in the first place. men experience what men experience women experience what women experience. which is why she told you what she experienced. the dude experienced whipping his d out at a lady at his front door and whatever pleasure derives from that. she experienced the obvious gross discomfort that goes along with seeing an unwanted strangers d#ick, which is what she expressed.

and you spent post after post trying to say that this dude who showed his c#ck to this woman at his door would do the same thing if it was a guy. to what end do you make that argument? goddamn that's absurd.

you are just getting owned over and over and over again chief. might want to give it a rest. this is insanity.

And if you bothered to read my comments, you'd see that I was keying in on the idea that it's pretty ludicrous to think that this guy would have tied up the robe if a guy showed up. My theory is that the guy just walks around with an open bathrobe and no undies (or pants for that matter) and that Vincent was just the wrong person to ring the bell. Why does the guy sit around his house in a bathrobe and no undies? No clue. Heck, maybe he was coming from the bathroom, but it's a stretch to say that that element of the interaction was driven by gender.

Flashing is a more active act. One approaches the victim and does his thing. This is passive.

By the way, drawing from a theme of comments between the two of us, what's the deal with you saying I shouldn't be commenting. Sounds like censorship to me.

a woman showed up at his door and this dude exposed himself to her and she wrote about how it made her feel. end of story. there is not more. no dude showed up next to write about his feelings of disgust and objectification. she did because she was there and experienced it. it's her story. why are you so intent on taking that away and making it something else? why not just let it be what it is? a story about this woman's experience and how uncomfortable it was/is.

I think it's making an irrelevant commentary on the (un)responsiveness of elected officials. IOW, it's not so much taking a stab at her as that he read "blah blah blah SOMEONE RUNNING FOR OFFICE" and got triggered by memories of the time when Councilor Jimmy Sullivan didn't return its call in 1972 about those noisy kids.

The statement that the worst part about running for office is going door-to-door talking to people (fundraising) seems like an extremely tone-deaf thing to say, even with the jackassery of the old man in the anecdote. It also implies that once fundraising is no longer necessary, she won't have to interact with commoners for a while. In a more widely-followed campaign, this would be a gaffe. Someone who wouldn't last a week in the service industry before they "literally just can't" perhaps "literally just shouldn't" be running for public office (they would say).

So... good anecdote, good message at the end, but framed all wrong for someone seeking to serve the public.

Of all the things people have injected into her comments, fundraising is the oddest one.

She's going door to door to convince people to vote for her. That's the first rule of running for office- ask people to vote for you. Trust me, of all the people who have come to my door over the year either as candidates or their surrogates, none of them has ever asked me for money, but they all ask for my vote.

The statement that the worst part about running for office is going door-to-door talking to people (fundraising) seems like an extremely tone-deaf thing to say

Only she didn't say that. At all. She said that "dealing with shit like this every single day and still finding the courage to go knock another door" -- not, as in your dishonest paraphrase, "going door-to-door talking to people" (which, by the way, is not "fundraising" - it's canvassing, and they are very different things) is "the hardest part of running for office" -- not, as in you said, "the worst part about running for office".

YOU said it. YOU manufactured it. By changing a few key words, omitting some important words, and adding some of your own to put your intended spin on it, you came up with a statement that is very different than what she said. Then you ran with it.

So... good anecdote, good message at the end, but framed all wrong for someone seeking to serve the public.

Yeah, well...you keep demonstrating your ignorance of the entire process, so maybe you should stop handing out advice.

Right now my plan is to vote for the only candidate to ask me for my vote, and he asked for it 4 years ago. All any of the other candidates have to do is to go to Forest Hills one morning before the election and ask for my vote, or come to my house some evening.

Ok true that that doesn't sound like the most pleasant experience, but it's far from the most valid reason to either give up, or to not enter politics in the first place, which is the fact that your friends are false and your enemies are real.

This was not the first "[not] most pleasant experience" of this type she's had, or the fifth, or the tenth, or probably the hundredth. You've made it clear that you're only a spectator in the political process, so why don't you just take a seat?

Being old is not an excuse to be an ass. I'm tired of people excusing bad behavior from people who haven't adapted with the times. Guess what? Just because they are used to doing and saying these things doesn't mean it was ever actually ok. It just means that no one called them out on it. Thankfully, times are changing.

A lot of whataboutme-isms going on here. This story isn't about what white males have to deal with. It's about women, and the constant shit they have deal with thanks to men (black, white, and everything in between), who don't respect boundaries nor have any common decency.

The most surprising part of this story, to me, was that politicians knock on doors. I've been around a long time (old guy) and actually didn't know that -- I've gotten phone calls from them, rarely, asking for a vote... but the only people who ever knock on my apartment door are kids trying to sell me on a different electricity supplier (or so they claim), or workmen sent by the landlord to make changes to the apartment that I don't want or need. Or, once, late at night, a drunk kid from another town who couldn't remember where his friend's apartment was that he was staying in, or even which building it was, and was banging on every door, bellowing. That's it for my door-knocker experiences.

I think a political candidate knocking on doors sounds really inefficient, also weird. Is this a suburban thing or something?

Also, how thoughtful could a politician be who uses language like that? And how could she be sure that he even knew that he was exposed? This was in his own home, after all, not expecting anyone to knock, maybe startled by it (as I might be). Maybe he is a creep, or maybe he's just sloppy/inattentive, or maybe demented...

I think a political candidate knocking on doors sounds really inefficient, also weird. Is this a suburban thing or something?

Nope. It happens in cities, it happens in suburbs. It happens, primarily, in places where you can walk door to door and hit a reasonable number of residences in the shortest time possible. It doesn't happen in really low-density-population areas, although when I was canvassing in 2016 in New Hampshire it did get pretty rural...but mostly not.

And it's not inefficient because it's effective. If all contacts were equal in their effectiveness, sure, but...they aren't. People are more likely to notice, respond to and be influenced by some types of contacts than others. Emails are less effective than postcards, anything form is less effective than something personal. Postcard parties, in which people get together to write messages on postcards to send to voters, are effective. Talking live to a person on the phone is effective - I made calls to voters in my town and other nearby towns on behalf of a candidate, and being able to say that I was from their area and speak to what the candidate's policies meant for our area was a real positive. Talking to someone face to face is even more effective, and when someone actually meets a candidate in person? That's pretty special. I canvassed with a candidate for Congress, and besides knocking on doors, she would greet and engage everyone we passed by on the street. Some of these people went from unregistered to voters that day.

Also, how thoughtful could a politician be who uses language like that?

How thoughtful could a person be who thinks the use of the word "shit" is more than the barbaric behavior provoked it? You're "Different" all right.

There's a lot more where that came from. He's not the only guy pushing 80 with 1940s comments like that. These guys aren't going to change overnight. And, frankly, as woman in her mid 50s who has the wisdom to understand that, especially with older men, she's going to experience a lot more of it. At their age, they could probably give 2 shits about changing. There will never be a radical change overnight when it comes to sexist comments. Sorry, but that's the reality.

"She is running to make Boston inclusive, accessible, and affordable for all."

Cool! I wish I'd thought of that! Can we have candy for dinner too?

Saying that being a "daughter of immigrants" (without saying from where) and suffering an ATV-related injury (which, along with other backcountry powersports-related injuries, is a HUGE hazard for immigrants) as qualifications for public office seems somewhat thin. But please, everyone, pile on. Swirl, anyone?

Saying that being a "daughter of immigrants" (without saying from where)

Why does that bother you? Do you need to know "from where" in order to decide if she's one of the "good immigrants"?

suffering an ATV-related injury (which, along with other backcountry powersports-related injuries, is a HUGE hazard for immigrants)

So in the very same sentence, made a point of noting that she's the "daughter of immigrants", and now you imply that SHE is an immigrant. You're either pretty goddamn stupid or you believe everyone else is. Maybe both?

Here's the full text from her campaign website, explaining the relevance of the ATV injury:

"In 2016, a debilitating ATV accident left Hélène fighting for her life. In her recovery, she experienced physical injury, mental health challenges, and financial hardships. Throughout this experience, she watched as others in Boston with fewer resources, support networks, and financial savings struggled to rebound from their own health crises. Hélène decided to run for City Council and work towards a more equitable Boston. "

Even a very stupid person should be able to make the connection, since it's right there in front of you. If, however, you aren't interested in making the connection -- if instead your agenda is disconnection, distraction and dishonesty -- and you're stuck at the mental level of a five-year-old who thinks he's clever because he thought of a way to own the four-year-olds, this kind of transparent cherrypicking makes all kinds of sense.