Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I am not sure how the moon and stars are lined up, but chaos seems to be the ruling planet in my

universe today. Maybe it is because today was my first real meal since Saturday, and tomorrow is Treatment #10, or maybe it is the fact that life is messy and we all end up knee deep in it sometime.

And did I mention that tomorrow is treatment day?

One of my students asked today if I get nervous before treatments........the truth, yes......I'm not sure why......well, I do know why. I will spend most of my day tomorrow in an infusion room, where most of the patients have cancer and are receiving what they hope and pray are life saving chemicals.

Going there for me, is like gearing up for battle, for myself, and my friends that I have made in that room. No matter how I feel, I know when I walk in that room, that my week has probably been a cakewalk compared to what many of my "chair buddies" have had.

I feel that it is somehow my duty, my destiny if you will, to bring one tiny glimmer of hope with me each time I walk through that door. Yes, I am receiving life saving chemicals too, but I don't have cancer......I still have my hair. Yes, I have lost a lot of weight, and yes, the bones are thinning.....but I don't have cancer. Each time I look around that room, each time I think about that room......there is a tugging at my heartstrings........I know there is always the risk that I lose another "chair buddy."

Spending days in that room has changed me forever. Honestly, ( and no, I am not wishing bad healthy on anyone) but I think every person I know would benefit from time spent in that room.

So I walk into that room tomorrow, with a smile on my face and a heart full of love and pray for that one short day, I am able to share love and a little joy and maybe a tiny ray of hope to someone sitting next to me. Sending blessings to all of you, asking for prayers for all of us.