Adventures of Zen Cowgirl living and being in Texas

The moon has reached its fullest glory and wanes its way to the end of this first moon-cycle. It is a time not for retreat, but implementation. What is it I need most to bring forth into my life right now?

I find myself facing my own tendency to get derailed. I am very creative at distraction and sabotage. Perhaps by not sticking to something nor seeing it through, I am avoiding some fears:

Imperfection. In conception all is perfect; implementation is flawed. I must learn to see the outcome as being perfect in its own way. It is right for right now.

Boredom. I’m a ‘new’ junkie. I eagerly plunge into new projects, new ideas, while neglecting the existing children of my mind. I shall remember that old 4-H song: “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold”. If I don’t value the things I already have brought into my life, I devalue my self.

Unworthiness. There is a part of me that, deep down, feels guilty and undeserving of luck, success and happiness. Therefore, when I sabotage myself, I am only creating what I deserve (even if the Universe isn’t smart enough to know it yet). When I commit to care for myself and my self, I affirm through all parts of my being that I AM worthy.

Responsibility. Some days, I channel Peter Pan. Living in Neverland without deadlines and responsibilities and unaffected by other people’s schedules. One of the ways I don’t care for myself is in allowing enough space for Pan to visit, not allowing enough down-time for free-play (mental or physical). Then that time sneaks in sideways through dawdling, distractions and unwise choices in using my time. I will acknowledge and embrace my need to be unscheduled part of every day.

Just for today, I will be aware that each moment is worth its weight in gold. I choose to spend each now in a way that is nurturing. I will use what the Universe serves up to support my vision of how I wish to exist in Creation.