Group Therapy: Need Advice For Dating a Foreign Guy

I've begun dating a great new guy. I really, really like him, and I'm pretty sure he likes me, too! One thing concerns me: he's from Germany (Berlin), and while he's lived in the US for a few years, I'm sure there are still some lingering cultural differences.

Obviously American and German cultures are not so vastly different, but I'm wondering if Germans perceive dating/sex/relationships a bit differently. Has anyone here had a similar experience? If so, any tips as to how I could better relate to my new guy, and any potential faux-pas to avoid?

I am German and I couldn't agree less with Ashly, but that's just my expierience...you may need to show him the ropes of American dating and tell him about your expectations. German dating doesn't have as many fixed rules (guys don't pick up the girl etc.) as a German having dated Americans I can tell you to just not dwell on stereotypes and get to know him as a person. You should be fine.

I don't think worrying about this is necessary. You're not dating his culture. Cultural "norms" are nothing more than generalizations, meaning it is in no way indicative of how your man actually feels. So, don't worry about learning the "German way" but get to know your man, ask question and learn how he perceives and relates to German culture.

I understand that each culture is different from the next, but that doesn't mean that there is a set of rules for something like "What it takes to be German" or whatever. Each person is different. While one person may fit others' representation of what a German is (what they look like, how they act, talk, what they eat, etc), another person would be completely different. The best way to find out about a person is from that person. And you know what? He might like it that you're asking him little questions about himself. It shows you're interested in him as a person. Side-note: I'm in a relationship with a Swedish guy. We've been together for two years, and he's awesome. It's fun to learn about his culture, the things he likes, etc. And it's fun to do that all by myself. There's no need to ask others for information I could easily find out myself. Oh, and as for the poster above, I think that could be just the group she's associating with. I've met many German people, and even been there, and I've never heard of such a thing. What I do know is that Europeans hate to be portrayed as a very loose, immoral, hyper-sexual, pro-open relationship group. That's just stereotyping, and it's so wrong. Again, because every one is different. There are some people like that, but not everyone is like that.

Hi! I currently live in Germany and have three german guy relationships behind me and I guess you could say they are like most men. They like to have the girlfriend at home, but when they are at parties they act like they are single. In germany it is common to go to parties without your significant other so you can make out with someone else. I even had couples tell me it's normal to kiss and touch other people while be married. It could just be the people I have met, but I think they tend to have very open relationships. At least that has been my experience :)

OP,
I have a lot of experience with intercultural dating and I have some advice. What are all of the cultural differences between his culture and your culture? You need to make a list, and start discussing each and every item on that list with him. Take your time (just don't make it sound like you are obsessed over this or anything).
Like I said, I have a lot of expereince with intercultural dating. I have always ignored cultural differences in the past, and they have always ended up causing trouble. Don't set yourself up for failure like I did. But get all of the cultural differences figured out and resoved before allowing the romance to get heated up.

OP,I have a lot of experience with intercultural dating and I have some advice. What are all of the cultural differences between his culture and your culture? You need to make a list, and start discussing each and every item on that list with him. Take your time (just don't make it sound like you are obsessed over this or anything). Like I said, I have a lot of expereince with intercultural dating. I have always ignored cultural differences in the past, and they have always ended up causing trouble. Don't set yourself up for failure like I did. But get all of the cultural differences figured out and resoved before allowing the romance to get heated up.

That's a very specific question. Considering I'm nowhere near German, unfortunately it won't be an easy answer.
Sidetracking from that: You're in a new relationship. Get to know him more, and be open to learning about his culture, and where his opinions and thoughts lie about his own background. Historically, German's did a huge number on providing most Americans with a sadistic view of where they are from, but times change, and simply put, everyone is different. I'm chinese, but my parents are from Malaysia. They can speak a bajillion languages including Hokkien, Malay, amongst others, while I can speak the usual English, Cantonese and Mandarin. As far as culture goes, I don't dwell too much on that personally, and I lived in Malaysia for a few years myself, despite not having been born from there.
As I said, everyone is different. He might side with a few German habits, while rejecting others. It's your job as his new girl to find out about him, and share yourself with him too.

That's a very specific question. Considering I'm nowhere near German, unfortunately it won't be an easy answer. Sidetracking from that: You're in a new relationship. Get to know him more, and be open to learning about his culture, and where his opinions and thoughts lie about his own background. Historically, German's did a huge number on providing most Americans with a sadistic view of where they are from, but times change, and simply put, everyone is different. I'm chinese, but my parents are from Malaysia. They can speak a bajillion languages including Hokkien, Malay, amongst others, while I can speak the usual English, Cantonese and Mandarin. As far as culture goes, I don't dwell too much on that personally, and I lived in Malaysia for a few years myself, despite not having been born from there. As I said, everyone is different. He might side with a few German habits, while rejecting others. It's your job as his new girl to find out about him, and share yourself with him too.