Is it ok to say she’s Muslim? On Humanizing the “other”

Yesterday at Panera Bread I totally embarrassed myself. This is not totally unusual, but its noteworthy given the discussion that followed. Here was my quick-snap summary of what happened, word for word as I posted it on my FaceBook page:

Ok, that was awkward. Working at Panera, plugged my headphones in wrong jack, so was blaring my David Crowder Music OUT LOUD for a full 2 1/2 songs before I realized what was happening. Appreciate the grace my Muslim table-neighbor just afforded me with her little aw-shucks grin!

Now almost immediately my friend Robert Martin heard something very different in that statement than what I meant. You can read what he thought in his post called Reading Labels. He challenged me on my use of several labels in my FB post that caused his mind to go in a particular direction. In short, he thought I was making a statement about reaching out with the gospel to people of other faiths.

I’d like to know what you think!

Is it appropriate to use labels, as I did, or was I off the mark? What did my use of these labels mean to you, and how did they color the meaning you gave to the above FB post?

Many commentors on Robert and I’s exchanges on this were able to tell examples of someone they know who always use labels to define only limited peoples, such as by saying “he’s black” but who would never use the qualifier “he’s white.” I get that, and recognize that many times the use of labels such as these can unmask unconscious prejudice.

Yes, I did use the label “Muslim” intentionally, but not for the reasons Robert assumed.

I personally do not see labels as being all bad. Jesus’ use of the label “Samaritan” completely and utterly changes the Good Samaritan parable at a fundamental level. So much so that you cannot truly understand it WITHOUT the context the label affords. He’s not just another man who happens upon the scene. No! He’s a Samaritan, he’s the other in nearly every way you can define it: the enemy. My 5 year old loves this story, so I’ve made sure from day one that he understands the context, which he can now repeat and will if we forget it, “No one likes the Samaritan and no one thought they could ever be nice to anyone else.” That about sums it up. Without that, it’s just a story about 33% of us being nice, and 66% of us being mean. Which is so not the point.

So let me tell you why, after pausing before I wrote the brief FB post, I used a label.

My reasons, whether pure or not, were along these lines:

First, To humanize her: She is a woman whose faith and people have been so deeply marginalized and otherized in this country for decades (with increased intensity since 9/11). This week in particular all the protests regarding the Islamaphobic film have brought an increased otherizing effect on our Muslim neighbors. It was my way of saying, “I had this teeny tiny, yet beautiful, little connection with a woman who is Muslim that made me realize ‘they’ don’t hate ‘us.'” I had an opportunity to let my friends know that I connect meaningfully with Muslims, and I grabbed the chance. Many folks who follow me don’t have this opportunity, never interact with Muslims, and only hear about “them” through Shawn Hannity, Fox News, Focus on the Family, etc.. and so therefore “they” are always “enemies.” This is just crazy talk. My effort to humanize her necessarily calls that myth into question.

Second, because She humanized me. The room is buzzing around me as I obliviously do my thing, and she was the only one who humanized me. I looked at the songs I had listened it, we’re talking almost a full 9 minutes here folks! Others did what you’d expect: they sneered. Most just ignored me and secretly wished I’d go to Starbucks. I know there was at least one table with a pastor or two, some business folks, a mom and her adult daughter, etc… She alone extended me grace. I was saying “thanks” to her, and returning the favor to her.

I do not believe in any way we are or should be living in a post-racial world -that “color-blindness” is the goal as well as the key to getting us to the goal. Here’s how color-blindness sounds in the real world. Acknowledging and accepting our differences is beautiful, essential, and frees us to be who we are called to be. She gave me the high point of my day. I’d like to think she went home and FB’d my antics to all her friends, saying something like, “I was in Panera and this crazy Christian totally embrassed me…. and I had a chance to shyly smile and, in my own way say, “it’s ok, you’re still welcome here.” Maybe she even video’d me and uploaded it to Youtube for a laugh. I hope so!

What are your thoughts? How, and when, is it appropriate to use labels? Did my use of labels actually “work” for you how I intended it to work? Or did they lead you down a rabbit trail and communicate something other than what I intended? Let me know!