My son has a gambling problem amd I don't get it

My son is 24 years old and he just can't seem to get his life in order. He has been supported all his life, and when he started uni he developed a gambling problem. I have to say, I never really fully understood how bad this was. We have, as a family gone through four years of hell. His habit has resulted in him stealing from his family and this is so out of character of my lovely son who is loving, caring and such an amazing person. We ( my husband and I ) have got him out of many scrapes, we have supported him to access counselling, gam care included. Just recently, things seemed to be getting better, then out of the blue, when his life seemed good, e.g. job good, girlfriend situation good, he stole money from his employment ( luckily a family business of ours and we decided not to take it further) to fund his gambling. With his salary and the money he stole and a 2,000 overdraft we reckon he went through 8,000 in 12 weeks!!!!!!! My question is that given he has gambled before, got into big scrapes then been really depressed after losiong all the money. He always has the same experience of feelin low with suicidal feelings, so why if he knows this is what he will feel does he do it over and over again? I really don't understand even though I know it's an illness, but he knows it ends up in him feeling low and depressed and with possibilities that he will lose his girl. Can anyone help me to understand?Just want to add, that I have read soem of the comments on the forum and I havn't as yet seen any refer to stealing to feed the habit. Is this common or not?

Sandra, thank you for taking the time to reply at lenght. I felt your pain, as I do my son's. We are doing our best, I just hope he can find out the underlying reason for his problem. He has been lucky to have a good life with so many positives, so I don't know where the problem lies. I will take on board everything you have said. many thanks
xxx

Your son has developed a mental obsession with gambling. He's a compulsive gambler who has no control when he relapses, as he can't gamble normally.

I'm 10 months free of gambling after 12 years trapped by the addiction, and enduring multiple relapses along the way.

It's frustrating and baffling to family members as - similar to depression - relapses aren't logical and can often occur when everything else seems settled, to outsiders at least.

For me, gambling had become so ingrained I didn't know how to handle everyday life without it. I would be fine for a while but whenever something changed in my life, or I faced some difficulty or challenge, or felt down, or worried, I relapsed, as it became my default state.

There is no one underlying reason, I'm afraid, no pill or quick fix that will resolve the issue.

I can only speak for myself. Compulsive gambling is a chronic condition but it can be arrested. I have lived without gambling for 10 months and I hope that will be the case for rest of my life. I have a lifetime of vigilance though to ensure it happens.

It's up to your son ultimately. He has to accept he can't ever gamble again and then he needs to find proper help.

For me, it's GA. The meetings are the only way I have found that can break the cycle of addiction.

Your son needs to arrest his behaviour. Addiction is repetitive, frustrating and predictable. Without proper long-term support he will find it hard to move on with his life.

I found over time, each relapse was worse than the one before and I created even more damage.

All you can do is offer the right advice to your son and be there for him. He needs to genuinely want to stop and he needs continued on-going support.

Of course it is. I know plenty of younger people (in their early 20s) in recovery, who have managed to arrest the obsession. Day by day their lives are getting better and they are recovering.

Your son has to admit he is powerless over gambling, that it is effectively controlling him.

I'm no expert but I only started to make progress when I was completely honest and open about the extent of my gambling and the level of debt I was in to my family and loved ones. Encourage him to tell you everything and get it all out in the open.

It will be upsetting for you and your son but you have to draw a line in the sand and accept what's done is done and move on from there.

I then handed over the management of my finances to someone I trusted and limited the amount of cash I had access to on a monthly, and cut off all credit options.

It's not a short term fix, it's a permanent arrangement and I'm happy with it. 75% of my salary gets transferred to someone I trust to manage on my behalf, who handles paying bills, loans and general monthly expenses.

It's still my money and I decide how much is spent or saved but it's effectively having a financial advisor/guardian in place to safeguard against any future slips. It also gives them peace of mind, which is important as well, and removes any financial pressure from me.

However, I can't stress the importance of ensuring your son receives continued long-term support to stay away from gambling, as no matter how long he is away from a bet, if he returns to gambling the consequences will be the same.

The financial side of things is the easiest to fix. As I said before, gambling became a mental obsession, and was ingrained with how I coped with life and my emotions.

I'm going to GA now but have had counselling through Gamcare. GA is the only thing that's worked for me.

Your son has to be completely honest about everything in his life, and that's quite difficult for compulsive gamblers initially as they are so used to desperately trying to cover up their behaviour on a day to day basis.

There is every reason to be hopeful as, from the sounds of it, your son realises he has a problem, and you are willing to do all you can to help him.

I too have a son who is a compulsive gambler. He is 25 years old and has been gambling since he was 18. Unfortunately it is a progressive disease that gets worse as time passes.
My son is also a lovely, handsome, sensitive young man. He has also stolen from us (we also own our own business) and when in the gambling cycle anything out of his mouth is a lie. He has lost thousands of $$$ . Again like your son after the binges I would get the vague self-harm texts followed by depression. I would think most gamblers are depressed as it is a brutal way to live.
I know this is not what you want to hear but there is absolutely nothing you can do until HE decides he has truly had enough. Unfortunately it can take a while to get there. This will never makes sense to you as a mom as it is hard to imagine anybody putting themselves thru all this.
The best thing I did was join Gam-Anon. I was able to talk to people going thru the same thing and they truly understand. It has also given me the strength to do what I have to do on my end i.e. not enable.
On a very positive note my son did start GA (on his own-no prodding from us) and is almost at 6 months gamble free with one relapse!
Take Care of yourself first JTC it's not an easy road!

Dear half life , i know what you mean about safety net, I feel bad cos that is what I think we have done, you know, try to put a sticky plaster over it, fix it for him, and we have probably made it worse. This last incident was one where I couldn't do that because he sunk so low in obtaining money for gambling, he has lost his job and now feels helpless. He has use of a. Car that we own and my husband says we need to sell it to pay for his debts. I wonder if we should, do this or will it make things more difficult for him in the future. Today I feel so low. He is so depressed and just lying in bed. We had a counseling appointment for him onThursday but he wouldn't go. I feel so lost and my heart is aching. We have been here so many times and then things get better, then as soon as they do we end up back at square one. He is such a fantastic person but I feel we are losing him. Jobs are hard to find at best, at the moment he is so low he probably can't work. The only good thing is he has no money now to gamble, but his life is empty just being at home all the time.

Dear Amom, so pleased that your son is making progress. One of the things for me is that I can't believe this is happening to our son, our family, I just don't know where it has come from, as I suppose most people on this forum also think. has your son managed to stay in employment? I know this seems trivial, but we have a car that my son uses, my husband thinks we should sell it to pay of some of his debts. This will make him more isolated in terms of getting about as we are quite rural. You said you know what you need to do not to feed his habit, what do you think we should do, would it make his life worse. Then again he couldn't get to the bookies as easy. He is so low at the moment, not getting out of bed now for three days

Oh JTC it is sooo hard. Watching your child consumed by this. I think you can only do what you are comfortable with. We too eventually hit our rock bottom when we had enough. My son has managed to keep his job (it is a job he loves and wants to make a career of it). I was told that the difference between helping and enabling is that enabling is doing for them what they are capable of doing themselves. As a parent especially a mom we want to swoop in and make everything all better and I think it stops them from getting to where they need to be i.e. face-to-face with this addiction.
Be kind to yourself and if you can try to take a step back away from the drama they create.

Hi JTC. Thanks for reading my post. I'm sorry I can't really be sure if selling the car is the best thing. It could be helpful reality check which might shake his mind onto a more clear and focused path or it might add to his depression. One of the problems for a compulsive gambler is the need to put something right immediately. If we lose money gambling we must try to win it back straight away usually quickly spiraling out of control with a 50 loss becoming 500 or thousands. The 3 big things I would say to your son if I could look him in the eye is 1) You will never win! So stop digging yourself and your family deeper. However depressed you are now there is no such thing as rock bottom. It can always get worse. You have to get off this evil slippery slope. Do it now! And this leads onto... 2) This will take time. Do not forget your losses but accept they are not coming back. Soon your debts will start decreasing and eventually go and once you have real money you have actually earned and some time between you and your last bet it will start to get easier. BUT it won't happen immediately. Give control of your finances to your family for a while and accept you can't be trusted. 3) Do other things with your life. Avoid the triggers. If you gamble on sport then stop watching it. If you gamble on line then get off the damned PC. Change habits. Go running, read books, find a new job. Spend less time thinking about NOT gambling and more just doing other things. Well done for sticking with your son and helping and supporting him but be tough with him. I found it hard to beat gambling but in the end my love for life and my family got me through and I changed habits that had built up steadily over 20 years. I know I won't gamble again and these things worked for me. If your son could understand that only 2 years ago I felt just like him(read my diary) but am now so happy and contented because I did one thing...I stopped gambling. Best wishes I will be thinking of you all. DB

Thank you so much Diggoryboy, you give me hope, it's just that I can't get him to talk about how he wants to move forward. He can't just stay in bed all day which he has been doing. I am going to try and get him to read this thread. I love him so much but I feel really exhausted and weary . Thanks again

My son is exactly the same..24 years old & been gambling for 8 years. He has stolen from employers & we have bailed him out many times. We live in dread of the next time, which always comes. He has just sent me a text to say he has told his employers as he can't stand the stress or risk not resisting the temptation to steal again.He says they let him resign rather than sack him. This may be all lies, as we can barely believe a word he says.So now he has no job, lost his car that went with the job & no money. He is in a house share costing him £350 rent & has a £2500 loan to repay that he gambled. What do we do? It doesn't work if we pay his debts, but he has to live & eat & have money to look for another job. He has been to GA on & off, but does seem to want to get help this time...even looking for CB therapist, which we will have to fund of course.

Hi JTC, I really hope you find a solution so you can have peace in your life, it is really difficult when you're dealing with someone who is desperate and depressed as you never know what action they may take, it sounds like you and your husband have done your best to help your son. Having gambled for years myself and having gone through depression because of the gambling I know what your son is feeling, the compulsion is really hard for someone who isn't a gambler to understand. I have never smoked or abused alcohol and find it difficult to understand why someone would have a problem with quitting cigarettes or stopping drinking! I too have been helped numerous times by my family when I've gambled away my rent and food money and all it did in the long run was prolong my having to put a stop to the gambling. I hope your son takes steps to stop his terrible addiction. Wishing you strength xx

I hope you will also learn more about the addiction as you can be an invaluable help to him.

Its up there with other addictions like drink or hard drugs and it works in the same way. The cravings, the fix, the aftermath and so it goes on. In many ways I feel gambling is even worse because it develops a constant chase where the gambler thinks they can make things right again and save their finances with one big win. Only that never happens in the vast majority of cases.

Whether your son is an action gambler or an escape gambler both types get a dopamine high from playing. They get so wrapped up in those feelings that the money going in becomes an afterthought until reality sinks in later.

The lengths that gamblers go to obtain money varies in each case. I would take it from the bank of mum and dad by saying I was skint after paying bills. I have since told them all about it but would they have given me the money if they had known the truth? I think not so it has to be classed as deception or stealing

Its also a lot to do with issues deep within the soul and it affected people like me because I never felt a sense of contentment in life. Ive had reasonable paying jobs (which I actually hated doing) but I drifted in and out of them with no aims or purpose. Ive been an aimless depressive, drifting character to scared to commit to any girlfriend or way of life......perfect fodder for the gambling addiction to grip well.

Ive been like that all my life and Im now getting counselling through the doctor

Its a dangerous and scary addiction because it will shred relationships and put aside the memories of a month spent indoors with little to eat. An extremely dangerous form of mind control

With real help your son will lead a healthy life again

Ideally now he need to be on a sandwich allowance managed by you. You need to ensure he is excluded from everywhere even if you have to go round with him to do it. he must have no outlet for gambling that wouldnt spark your awareness

Under no circumstances should you give him money unless you accompany him to pay bills

It is an addiction and a mental illness which feed off each other

Being gamble free is a lovely feeling and Im sure he will join us. Keep discussing it with him

Hi I am new to Gamcare I am a desperate mother of a 25 year old who has a severe gambling problem. I have funded him for years paying debts car insurance rent etc and recently paying drug debts as he has started drinking and taking drugs he says "to help him cope". I have used most of my savings to help him and now he has blown £260 I gave him yesterday to clear a drug debt as he promised yet again this is last time!!!!! but of course he never paid his debt he gambled the money and still owes the debt. My heart is breaking I am having panic attacks as I know my husband and I will end up splitting up if I carry on enabling my son but I am frightend he will die if I dont help him. I feel like I am addicted to helping him. I dont know what to do I feel so ill and at a loss and so very much alone. Why cant I just turn away? I wished I could close my eyes shut myself in a dark room and it will go away but I know he is lost Im devastated where do I go what do I do I need help to help my son. Can some one help me PLEASE. from a distraught mother :(

I've moved your post into the Friends and Family section where it's more appropriate and more likely to be seen by people in your situation. You might also want to consider starting a new thread, since the one you've posted onto is over a year old.

In any event, it does sound like a stressful and difficult situation you're doing through, and a lot of our members will be able to empathize with you. There's only so much you can do to help someone else though, I'm afraid, and it sounds like you've done what you can at this point. Remember that you have to take care of yourself as well, before you can help other people. Have you thought about getting any support from GamAnon about this? Here's a link for you to see if they have any meetings in your area: http://gamanon.org.uk/ You might also want to consider getting some individual counselling, which could help you prioritize yourself a bit and set appropriate boundaries with your son, as well as just giving you some needed support and more info about gambling addiction. We've got partner agencies in many parts of the country that provide that at no cost.

If you'd like to speak with us about any of this, feel free to get in touch over the Helpline or Netline, and you'll find the links for those at the top of the page. We'd be happy to offer any support we can.

I've moved your post into the Friends and Family section where it's more appropriate and more likely to be seen by people in your situation. You might also want to consider starting a new thread, since the one you've posted onto is over a year old.

In any event, it does sound like a stressful and difficult situation you're doing through, and a lot of our members will be able to empathize with you. There's only so much you can do to help someone else though, I'm afraid, and it sounds like you've done what you can at this point. Remember that you have to take care of yourself as well, before you can help other people. Have you thought about getting any support from GamAnon about this? Here's a link for you to see if they have any meetings in your area: http://gamanon.org.uk/ You might also want to consider getting some individual counselling, which could help you prioritize yourself a bit and set appropriate boundaries with your son, as well as just giving you some needed support and more info about gambling addiction. We've got partner agencies in many parts of the country that provide that at no cost.

If you'd like to speak with us about any of this, feel free to get in touch over the Helpline or Netline, and you'll find the links for those at the top of the page. We'd be happy to offer any support we can.

Hope this helps,

Travis

Thank you Travis I will check the link to see if there are any meetings in my area. I know I also need help as I am exhausted with it all. Regards Mollyb

I'm so sorry Mollyb. I know how badly this hurts you and how badly as his mom you want to fix this... you wouldn't be a mom if you didn't. Problem is as you are starting to see is that it isn't getting either of you anywhere except deeper into addiction.

I know that feeling of if you don't help they are going to die. It keeps us paralyzed in fear of the "what ifs". You are getting exhausted and ill trying to change something that you will never change. By taking the focus off your son and making boundaries for yourself and your home you are not giving up on him. You are hopefully helping him get to the place he needs to in order to start some sort of recovery.

As Travis suggested, a Gam Anon group would be invaluable to you. A chance to vent, cry and lean on others who have been where you are and can support you through this VERY difficult time.

hi i can relate alot to this i am 24 years old and i am exact the same as what you have described i have just recently ****** xmas up loosing 1650 and my mum and dad getting me out the **** once again there is nothing worse than them low depressing moments i swear to god they are torture u just dont want to live i am in quite abit of debt myself i am back on the straight and trying hard to stop again cause this will kill me if it carrys on its like we do it to punish ourselfs cause we go back after a couple of weeks and do the same thing vicious circle i have been to meetings counceling the lot nothing has worked for me i also am in same situation with my girlfreind i dont no how she is still with me i dispise this addiction i feel sorry for your son cause i can totally relate to this and its so hard but am on day 17 without a bet hope he gets well

Hi there I haven’t been on the site for a while but my story started in here two years ago with my own son. It’s pretty devastating to everyone involved, the more I learned about gambling addidiction the more I worried. I worried for my sons future and if he would have one due to his addiction. He had always been a good worker and that remains the same, earning enough money to have a good standard of living until the gambling began. You don’t see it at first then bang! you know somethings not Wright but you just can’t put your finger on it. Why has he run out of money? Why hasn’t he paid his car loan, why are pay dY lenders letters arriving, why can’t I tie him down to ask him these questions and why is he moody. This is until you’ve had enough and you start delving and follow your gut instincts and you make him sit down and you open his post, then your heart sinks. Then you go into parent mode and fight for your son back and do all you can. I’ve had brilliant advice on here from people I’ve also had advice I didn’t agree with. You know your son best, it is a slow process with lots of ups and downs along the way. Your heart breaks for them but I was so frustrated and annoyed with him at the same time. Anyways we took control of his bank account we worked with him, it wasn’t easy... stay with it if he will let you in. He had been gambling for two years before I found out, a slow downward spiral. As for now, he is doing well, he doesn’t gamble that I know of and I was very good at seeing his pattern. He has a partner who knows everything and looks after the finances, they have a new baby, a house and he has a good job. He has that future I thought he may never have and he is happy. Now I’m not nieve to say it will not happen again because I’ve read too much on these forums, but with the knowlede both me and his partner have now things are pretty tight. So keep at it keep supporting and trying and working alongside your son if he will let you. I wish you well.

Well all I can say is wow I wish I had parents as supportive as you lot , I too am also 25 and have battled a heavy gambling addiction that I one day wish to completely remove from my life

but unlike your children my parents don’t really give 2 hoots about whether I am a gambling, drug addict or an alcoholic

Luckily I have brought myself up fairly well and am neither of the latter have , I’ve managed to secure an OK job , a house share and have my own car so am self-sufficient I live far from an extravagant lifestyle but I am aware there are people a lot worse off than myself

I have around 2 thousand pounds worth of debt left and then I am free doubt I will ever take credit out for anything for aslong as I live

Im sorry to say this to you all but your children are as addicted as you allow them to be ……they know they have you there as a safety net and therefore aren’t afraid to push the boundaries

I'm so sorry Mollyb. I know how badly this hurts you and how badly as his mom you want to fix this... you wouldn't be a mom if you didn't. Problem is as you are starting to see is that it isn't getting either of you anywhere except deeper into addiction.

I know that feeling of if you don't help they are going to die. It keeps us paralyzed in fear of the "what ifs". You are getting exhausted and ill trying to change something that you will never change. By taking the focus off your son and making boundaries for yourself and your home you are not giving up on him. You are hopefully helping him get to the place he needs to in order to start some sort of recovery.

As Travis suggested, a Gam Anon group would be invaluable to you. A chance to vent, cry and lean on others who have been where you are and can support you through this VERY difficult time.

Hi Amom, thank you so much for your comment. Unfortunately I have had a bad few weeks since I first posted on the forum, my son is getting worse our Christmas totally ruined as his relationship with his girlfriend ended on Christmas Eve due to his gambling and alchohol session he goes on when he loses. I stupidly have bailed him again giving him money and last night I gave him money to go and meet a friend who had also lost a girlfriend so as they could comfort each other. How stupid am I??? it wasnt a friend it was gambling because I got texts asking me to transfer money for a taxi as he didnt want to drive his car he had had a drink.... sooo I transfered £30 but within 10 mins I got another text saying there was only 20 available would I please put another 20 so I did and then a few hours later at 1.a.m. I got a text asking for another 20 saying its the last time he is so depressed .... then I realised he was gambling not with a friend at all!!!!!! why the hell am I so stupid I think I knew but didnt want to believe it. I wished I could lock him in a room till he realised what he is doing but I know that is a ridiculous thing to do and would not help him. Im at my rock bottom and am going to see where there are local groups as I need help with my addiction of feeding his addiction......Is there a ligh??? PLEASE GOD HELP US. I am sorry to sound so forlorn but I am lost. I have to accept that to help my son I first need to get help to stop enabling him. I pray 2018 will be the start of the recovery process. I wish you all a better New year free of addictions.

Well all I can say is wow I wish I had parents as supportive as you lot , I too am also 25 and have battled a heavy gambling addiction that I one day wish to completely remove from my life

but unlike your children my parents don’t really give 2 hoots about whether I am a gambling, drug addict or an alcoholic

Luckily I have brought myself up fairly well and am neither of the latter have , I’ve managed to secure an OK job , a house share and have my own car so am self-sufficient I live far from an extravagant lifestyle but I am aware there are people a lot worse off than myself

I have around 2 thousand pounds worth of debt left and then I am free doubt I will ever take credit out for anything for aslong as I live

Im sorry to say this to you all but your children are as addicted as you allow them to be ……they know they have you there as a safety net and therefore aren’t afraid to push the boundaries

Hi Nipped, I know you are right "tough love" is what is needed and I will try my very best to believe that. Mothers feel the need to protect our children but I now realise that some times we need let go to allow them to learn by mistakes. Im at my rock bottom now so I will be seeking help for my stupidity of enabling my son to continue with his addiction. I have to realise that I cant protect him what will be will be he has to seek the help too. Thank you for your comment and GOOD LUCK in your recovery. GOD BLESS

Hi mollyb don't punish yourself, we all want to believe them. You can be there for him but you know you have to stop giving him money. If he hasn't got money to go out that's his problem. Safeguard your money, make sure he can't get at your cards. Phone gamcare and talk to someone today. We are human and natural reaction is to help, but you can't help a compulsive gambler. They are compulsive liars and masters of manipulation. Find a gamanon meeting or ask for counselling. Take care, keep posting.

The best tried and tested way to help your son is to help yourself first. Tough love is needed but it’s tough all round - no less for you than for him. At the moment, the enabling is more cruel than kind. The answers for you lie in AlAnon and GamAnon, it doesn’t matter what any other family member thinks, if you go to regular meetings and stick with it, your life will change.

Hi mollyb don't punish yourself, we all want to believe them. You can be there for him but you know you have to stop giving him money. If he hasn't got money to go out that's his problem. Safeguard your money, make sure he can't get at your cards. Phone gamcare and talk to someone today. We are human and natural reaction is to help, but you can't help a compulsive gambler. They are compulsive liars and masters of manipulation. Find a gamanon meeting or ask for counselling. Take care, keep posting.

Hi Merry go round thank you for your comment, reading the comments to my post is helping to reinforce my need to get proffessional help/councelling and that is my intention. I will keep posting as I hope to be able to post one day that I am no longer enabling my son with his addiction and that he also will have saught help. God Bless.

The best tried and tested way to help your son is to help yourself first. Tough love is needed but it’s tough all round - no less for you than for him. At the moment, the enabling is more cruel than kind. The answers for you lie in AlAnon and GamAnon, it doesn’t matter what any other family member thinks, if you go to regular meetings and stick with it, your life will change.

Hi CW thank you I know your right and my intentions are to STOP with the funding I can not believe how I have allowed myself to become part of his addiction by funding him and believing the lies he feeds me. Oh well heres to a more possitive New Year. Keep up with the comments they are extremely helpful. THANK YOU

Happy New Year everyone. I intend to change the way I deal with my sons CG and other addictions by definitely getting myself help and counselling this year. I have tried everything with him even having him home for a while to show him "normality" but it lasted a few days and he was off again gambling his small income running up debts with people then calling me begging for yet again 1 more bail out!!!!!. I am at my rock bottom as I no longer have the funds to bail him out so now he is giving me the guilt trip threats........ I promise to try and not give in to him as I know deep down I am keeping him in his addiction but my heart fears what he will do or what will happen to him if I do not help him :( I feel like I am caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. My husband is tougher than me and tells me to block his calls and to disown him untill he comes to his senses as he is using and abusing me. As I said earlier I am at my rock bottom so I have emailed a local addiction help group called SIAS so hopefully I will be attending councelling soon. Pleas God let there be light for my son this addiction is heartbreaking. God Bless you all. Mollyb x

What you need help with is your reactions as described in your post, ie you dealing with what might happen (might, not would, no one can see into the future) and how you would feel about it, if you were to ever let your son manage his own illness.

You can’t let go of trying to fix any more than your son can let go of gambling, it’s always going to be next time for you in the same way as it’s next time for him. The help you need is in Al-Anon, CoDA or GamAnon but only you can work on you, for you.

Hi Mollyb (are you the person at the start of this thread also?? Im a bit confused),

I have just been reading your posts and I agree with other posters that tough love is the answer here. No need to feel shame or anything like that for trying to help, as its natural for a parent to try and help their child. It seems that you worst fear that he may hurt himself or worse are whats driving this for you, again its understandable as no one can predict what some one will do, what I can tell you as a compulsive gambler is that I had to hit rock bottom before I sought help. The addcition very nearyly destroyed me but if I had access to funds I would not have stopped until oblivion.

I am not saying its easy but if you really care for your son, you and your husband need to have a frank discussion with him. Your husband is right, you should sell the car and tell him its being done to pay off debts from bailing him out. You say he wallows in bed etc and refuses to go to councelling, well then show him the door. Let him know that he has a room in your house under certain conditions, you want full control over his finances and he is to attend councilling and GA. If not then its goodbye, and you have to follow through with this. Up to now all he does is ring mum, play the pity or guilt card and you top him up.

I know my words my sound harsh but a compulsive gambler who does not get help can destroy not only themselves but also the ones they love.