Austin, TX. Whitesburg, KY. Pittsburgh, PA. New Orleans, LA. Atlanta, GA. Charleston, SC. These are the cities I’ve carried my grief. It found me in a pasture alone, stole my voice harmonizing on a porch with friends, shut me away from an academic conference with strangers. I never knew how demanding, incoherent, and isolating grief could feel until I learned my dad was dying. If nothing else, this slow walk toward death alongside my dad has been filled with lessons. He’s always taught me to be on the lookout for lessons hiding in the everyday. For the past three months, I’ve been forced to collect lessons and wonder about our capacities to show up for one another in the most treacherous human moments.

The best times I’ve shared with dad would, to many, seem too filled with the mundane to live in the sacred. When I was young, we had a farm with a pecan orchard and 100 cows. There, Daddy taught me how to care for creatures big and small, how to listen to the river, and how to create joy out of a stick and still-wet cow shit. Those lessons were about finding fullness among an atmosphere of nothingness. Out of nothing, atop a hay bale, I learned to befriend imagination and desire. Nothingness formed a foundation for an entire life.

As this precarious year continues without the promise of relief, I’m thinking on the textures of grief and loss – how pain can be simultaneously far-reaching and so acute it’s sharp edges of memory belong only to me. Reflecting on change as a daughter losing her father, an adult losing her dearest friend, and a teacher who wonders what justice wants, I’m confronted by the lessons my dad has made possible: that out of nothingness, despair, survival, we can create what we desire.

At six, my dad was running moonshine; at seven he was leading a mule to plow, picking cotton alongside his mama; and as his children have been told time and time again he sold his first car when he was fourteen. He didn’t finish high school, but went on to own three car dealerships in the small Georgia town where I was raised. Through his hard laboring, lessons-learned, and desire for imagining better, I was granted nothing short of an entire life.

When I was eight, Dad taught me to drive out of necessity. Stranded in the pasture, despite my desire to be grown, I cried as my tiptoes grazed the pedals. Recognizing my fear, he coached me: push the brake, shift the truck into drive, press gently on the gas. After reviving the four-wheeler, he let me drive alone until sunset. Holding this memory now, knowing he isn’t long for this Earth, I feel the heaviness of a world vanishing as so many others must learn to drive out of necessity. I wonder if I’m up for this and worry whether I’ll be able to shift the thing into drive without a chat beforehand or him reminding me that I don’t really have a choice.

Imminent loss is terrifying and too frequently we are made to feel that we must struggle alone, bear it away, minimize its painful parts, despite the non-negotiable commonness of grief. This past year has amplified my desire for more open and humanizing approaches to loss; to consider grief as a source of strength that might lead us towards, rather than away from, community. If we are to continue living through political uncertainty, if I have to fall apart, what I desire for us – for me – are gentle places to land.

To speak of gentleness conjures its mythical counterpart: toughness. I’d been taught toughness from the time I was old enough to recognize grown folks’ messiness. In a recent chat, I said to dad that I think we got it wrong. Toughness isn’t about hardening your heart, pretending in that sticky southern way that “everything’s fine.” Being tough, I told him, is asking for help when we need it, saying this is hard, remaining open to tenderness. My desire for the next chapter is that somewhere amidst surviving, toughness might emerge as learning to tenderly be with one another with sturdier love; holding space for storied pasts, ancestors’ wisdom, to hold us in collective grace, and remain alive as common teachers.

To live in a gentler world has remained a guidepost for me. It’s helped me recognize emergent love in unremarkable moments, be inspired by those who haven’t feared my grief, and access compassion. When Dad realizes aloud “I’m not ready to leave my family,” my heart heaves and I know my pain is inseparable from all the other suffering in this world. From a broken heart emerges a desire to create more gentle moments for him, for others, and for myself that keeps us on the lookout for lessons.

I’d like to remember that I can drive alone and, eventually, learn to relish the experience, treasure independence, but that I don’t have to. For now, I want to continue learning from his humor and lightness, when the world, our small and sacred world, is threatening to end too soon; and when the larger world accumulates new threats daily. I’m scared, incapable of imagining life without him, but I know if I told him, he’d shoot me straight, point to the realities surrounding us, and throw the necessity of holding fast to the wheel and easing my foot onto the gas into relief.

Courtney Cook is a Georgia-born educator, activist, and artist living in Austin, Texas. She is a doctoral candidate in Cultural Studies in Education at the University of Texas, Austin, a poet-in-transience with Typewriter Rodeo, and curator of the secularly-sacred music and poetry listening series, Sunset Sessions. Her thinkings and poems have been published with Teaching Tolerance and The Eco-Theo Review.

]]>http://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/03/16/gentle-places-to-land-lessons-from-grief/feed/011302Let the world unravel—yoga for every body and every mindhttp://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/03/15/let-the-world-unravel-yoga-for-every-body-and-every-mind/
http://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/03/15/let-the-world-unravel-yoga-for-every-body-and-every-mind/#respondThu, 15 Mar 2018 15:30:54 +0000http://www.newsoutherner.com/?p=11283THE CONSCIOUS CURLY By SUSAN SWANSON My interest in yoga began many years ago when I tried a group class and instantly fell in love with the ambiance, specifically tailored to help get us in the mood: a darkened room, an instructor with a calm smile who gently guided us through our breaths as we […]]]>

My interest in yoga began many years ago when I tried a group class and instantly fell in love with the ambiance, specifically tailored to help get us in the mood: a darkened room, an instructor with a calm smile who gently guided us through our breaths as we balanced, often somewhat precariously, in strange poses with a song of wood flutes and rushing water in the background. Afterward, I felt a sense of peace from that hour ensconced in a room full of strangers, all attempting to gain something—calm, stress relief, balance, flexibility, one moment for themselves, weight loss. Over the years I have turned to yoga when I needed any and all of those, and now, as the world around me seems to unravel at the seams, yoga is where I increasingly run to gain a sense of myself within it.

While that may sound like New Aged hooey to some, others are nodding in agreement, as you, too, have gained mindfulness from regular or even sporadic yoga practice. But to those of you who have not, or perhaps would like to but are afraid it won’t work for you or isn’t worth the effort, or are afraid to try something new in a class environment, or don’t have the funds for a group class, I invite you to reconsider.

There are many ways to approach yoga—a group class, the way I experienced it, can be a good option for those who thrive in that atmosphere or already have a gym membership. Or a solo practice may be more your speed, and there are many options to decide between. In January several years ago, a friend introduced me to Yoga with Adriene, a yoga Youtube channel by Adriene Mishler with over 2 million subscribers. Mishler’s quirky, fun personality draws you in and makes even the most skeptical person a believer that yoga can be for anyone. Her (FREE!) channel contains hundreds of yoga workouts ranging from a few minutes to over an hour, from the most general total-body practice to the most personal and specific of areas to address. There is a yoga video for literally anything that ails you: “Couch Potato Yoga,” “Yoga for Anxiety,” “Yoga for Cyclists,” “Yoga for Weight Loss,” “Yoga for Migraines,” “Yoga for Stress Relief,” and so many more. She offers 7-minute videos to limber up before a run or stretch out a particular area, and short videos explaining how to do particular poses or breathing exercises. Mishler’s mission is to draw in “all levels, all bodies, all genders, all souls,” and to “FIND WHAT FEELS GOOD”—her oft-repeated mantra/slogan. Mishler offers single-use online yoga “classes” that one can take as they desire, or they can begin one of her many programs, which offer more structure for those who need a plan for each day. Her most recent program began in February 2018 and is aptly titled “Love Yo’ Self,” but there is a range to choose from: I began with “30 Days of Yoga,” kicked off in January 2015, and there have been several in between. Like all good yogis, Mishler stresses the breath, and has several videos dedicated to teaching breathing during yoga, but her unassuming and inclusive attitude put even the most novice yoga practicer at ease. She encourages her followers to do what works best for them, to follow her during a video or to veer off on their own paths, and most of all, to find connection.

Yoga obviously has many benefits; they have been written about for years—certainly an increased sense of calm, but also stress relief and relief from depression and anxiety. Physically, yoga can increase flexibility, cardiovascular and circulatory health, tone, muscle strength, and improved respiration. It is a great way to enhance an already healthy person’s workout schedule by adding variety and mindfulness, and since there are so many ways to practice yoga, it can be practiced by all skill levels. Yoga and meditation often go hand-in-hand—you can practice one without the other, but yoga cultivates that first understanding of mindfulness through the breath, while meditation is somewhat different in that it often does not center around poses, as yoga does. The differences between mindfulness and meditation, though, are often debated and confused. Mindfulness is often an informal daily practice, sometimes during yoga but also just in daily tasks. As Kathryn Remati, certified meditation instructor, writes “Mindfulness is NOT thinking really hard about something, which sounds stressful. And meditation is NOT about shutting down the mind like an off switch, which sounds boring. Both practices are life skills that give you the tools to access inner peace. . . [Mindfulness] is a way of being actively aware of what you’re doing while you’re doing it.” Meditation, though similar, is a “formal practice of finding peace within” through various types of practices (Remati). Both are beneficial and can be combined and intertwined with yoga to create a habitual practice that focuses on your personal needs.

No matter what type of workout, stress relief, or connection you seek, yoga can probably help you find it. The mind/body connection is a strong one and one that many of us need help cultivating; in the midst of a busy life, it can be difficult to step outside of our everyday tasks and really think about how it all impacts us, mentally, physically, and even spiritually. Yoga can connect all three and guide those of us who need a little push in the right direction toward a healthier outlook on life and a a healthier body.

Susan Swanson is an Associate Professor of English at Owensboro Community and Technical College in Owensboro, KY. She spends her time dabbling in various pursuits, from cooking to yoga to wine, and learning how to manage her curly hair (this takes more time than one might think). She believes in the sustainability of the planet as well as the self, and being conscious of those areas where we can improve in order to live healthier and happier lives.

]]>http://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/03/15/let-the-world-unravel-yoga-for-every-body-and-every-mind/feed/011283Earth tunes countdown: What do children do – 7 generation from now?http://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/02/21/earth-tunes-countdown-what-do-children-do-7-generation-from-now/
http://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/02/21/earth-tunes-countdown-what-do-children-do-7-generation-from-now/#respondWed, 21 Feb 2018 17:57:35 +0000http://www.newsoutherner.com/?p=11277Welcome to our musical countdown to Earth Day 2018; once a month, B Shawn Clark shares one of his Top Ten nature songs. TOP TEN EARTH SONGS By B SHAWN CLARK In the beginning Man and Woman lived in peace and harmony in a garden of earthly delights where they presumably would have raised their […]]]>

Welcome to our musical countdown to Earth Day 2018; once a month, B Shawn Clark shares one of his Top Ten nature songs.

TOP TEN EARTH SONGS

By B SHAWN CLARK

In the beginning Man and Woman lived in peace and harmony in a garden of earthly delights where they presumably would have raised their little ones – but for the fact that something happened and they were cast out into a cold cruel world in which they were expected to be fruitful and multiply. Meanwhile, back on the North American continent, the humans seem to have been left to their own devices, and divined the idea that all living creatures, in their own garden that was the natural world, were interrelated and respected not only all living things, but took responsibility for how decisions would affect descendents seven generations into the future:

The Peacemaker taught us about the Seven Generations. He said, when you sit in council for the welfare of the people, you must not think of yourself or of your family, not even of your generation. He said, make your decisions on behalf of the seven generations coming, so that they may enjoy what you have today.

Oren Lyons (Seneca)
Faithkeeper, Onondaga Nation

When the time came for natives of North America to be themselves (as well as their quaint, primitive ideas about respecting those who came before and who would come in the morrow) cast out from their garden by their conquerors from another continent, there was left unanswered the pointed question posed many generations later by one Yusuf Islam (then known at the time as Cat Stevens):

One of the tracks on Tea for the Tillerman (1970), this question joined others in many works of this great artist and others that year that registered less so at the time on the charts than in the collective consciousness of generations since, who can appreciate this music not only for its verse but the messages it conveys which are, being perhaps just the first cut into deeper meanings than even those expressed by Joni Mitchell in her music that same year, may be now seen (and heard), if they have not already, as special for a time in 1970 for music and lyrics of this genre:

Well you roll on roads, over fresh green grass.
For your lorry loads, pumping petro gas.
And you make them long, and you make them tough.

But they just go on and on, and it seems you can’t get off.

Oh, I know we’ve come a long way,
We’re changing day to day,
But tell me, where do the children play?

The lyrical depth of meaning in Yusuf Islam’s music in this era, together with the pure magic of the arrangements and performances of the songs on Tea for the Tillerman (rated as one of the top 500 greatest albums of all time by Rolling Stone and amongst those “you must hear before you die”) lends credence to the lofty position of this song at number 3 of the best Earth Day Tunes, as if acknowledging:

Everything that we have now is the result of our ancestors who handed forth to us our language, the preservation of the land, our way of life and the songs and dances. So now we will maintain those and carry those on for future generations.

G. Peter Jemison, Faithkeeper,

Cattaraugus Reservation, Seneca Nation

Believing they had been cast out from the creation of the natural world in which they once lived, one set of humans sought to create their own, building an edifice to the heavens to which they thought they could ascend, leaving their fate to their human masters to whom they themselves had ceded control over their lives:

When you crack the sky, scrapers fill the air.

Will you keep on building higher

’til there’s no more room up there?

Will you make us laugh, will you make us cry?

Will you tell us when to live, will you tell us when to die?

In silence, except for the occasional unheeded word, or tradition, found so alien to their conquerors – at least as to the land, but not in spirit – another set of humans on the North American continent, saw a better place to be, and their children to play.

B Shawn Clark is a conservationist and attorney turned freelance writer who is attempting to reprise the role of Thoreau in shaping human thought and reflection through life in nature. He is currently holed up in the seaside town of Englewood, Florida at a self-styled “Man Cave” in a wooded area populated by wildlife (not counting those kids next door) beside a creek reminiscent of Walden Pond, where he continues to ponder the law, and the law of human nature.

]]>http://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/02/21/earth-tunes-countdown-what-do-children-do-7-generation-from-now/feed/011277Earth tunes countdown: Paradise lost – but parking spot found!http://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/01/24/earth-tunes-countdown-paradise-lost-but-parking-spot-found/
http://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/01/24/earth-tunes-countdown-paradise-lost-but-parking-spot-found/#respondWed, 24 Jan 2018 18:00:00 +0000http://www.newsoutherner.com/?p=11268Welcome to our musical countdown to Earth Day 2018; once a month, B Shawn Clark shares one of his Top Ten nature songs. TOP TEN EARTH SONGS By B SHAWN CLARK Just by closing the car door and driving off, with nothing but what was playing on the radio, or in their heads, humans sought […]]]>

Welcome to our musical countdown to Earth Day 2018; once a month, B Shawn Clark shares one of his Top Ten nature songs.

TOP TEN EARTH SONGS

By B SHAWN CLARK

Just by closing the car door and driving off, with nothing but what was playing on the radio, or in their heads, humans sought to defy the notion that No Man is an Island (the women are another story – but one not very much different), living out a good portion of their lives in a mechanized cocoon, separate and apart from everyone else, paying little heed to the fossilized dinosaur entrails they were feeding upon, the massive environmental destruction that was the foot print upon which their wheels rolled, nor the limits of the resources that sucked the very life out of the Earth they ran unwittingly over, despite the best efforts of Joni Mitchell, who whispered, through their radio airwaves, sometimes less than sweet nothings into their ears.

Big Yellow Taxi (1970) had more than a few choice words to say to those who cared to listen, wending their way from one place to the other in and to total oblivion, separate and apart not only from one another, but the natural world that had been paved to give them smooth passage. That world had once been thought of as a lush, beautiful place that nature had bestowed upon the humans, now rendered a Paradise Lost, covered in concrete, asphalt and steel that served as a now-desolate space of conveyance, allowing the humans to travel along their chosen paths in solitude (with maybe an occasional passenger allowed to go along for the ride):

They took all the trees

And put them in a tree museum

Then they charged the people

A dollar and a half just to see ’em

Don’t it always seem to go,

That you don’t know what you’ve got

‘Til it’s gone

They paved paradise

And put up a parking lot

Released as a single from Ladies in the Canyon the same year (1970) as 5 of the 6 top songs on this Best-of Earth Day Tunes List (the 6th being released the following year), Joni’s Big Yellow Taxi, true to form with its contemporaries, fared not so well on the charts in the United States (#67) as compared to elsewhere (in her native Canada #14, #6 in Australia, and #11 in the UK), although it did better in the states when the live version was released in 1974 (#24) and when covers came out in the years since by other artists such as Maire Brennan, Amy Grant, Counting Crows and even Bob Dylan, as well as a new version she herself released.

The song has become somewhat of a signature for this great singer-songwriter, who, in an interview in 1994, herself described it (along with Circle Game) as almost a “nursery rhyme” – becoming “part of the culture”. This comes from an artist who has deeply influenced many other musicians in many different genres, whom Rolling Stone called “one of the greatest songwriters ever” and AMG described thusly:

When the dust settles, Joni Mitchell may stand as the most important and influential female recording artist of the late 20th century.

But when said dust does settle, and the door is pulled to, the case, as well as the entryway into each person’s conscious (and consciousness) is likewise closed, leaving each human being to consider, alone in their car or other singular space all their own, not only their own fate, but that of those shut out:

B Shawn Clark is a conservationist and attorney turned freelance writer who is attempting to reprise the role of Thoreau in shaping human thought and reflection through life in nature. He is currently holed up in the seaside town of Englewood, Florida at a self-styled “Man Cave” in a wooded area populated by wildlife (not counting those kids next door) beside a creek reminiscent of Walden Pond, where he continues to ponder the law, and the law of human nature.

]]>http://www.newsoutherner.com/2018/01/24/earth-tunes-countdown-paradise-lost-but-parking-spot-found/feed/011268Earth tunes countdown: Kinks in the Works – Descent of (Ape) Manhttp://www.newsoutherner.com/2017/12/27/earth-tunes-countdown-kinks-in-the-works-descent-of-ape-man/
Wed, 27 Dec 2017 18:00:00 +0000http://www.newsoutherner.com/?p=11256Welcome to our musical countdown to Earth Day 2018; once a month, B Shawn Clark shares one of his Top Ten nature songs. TOP TEN EARTH SONGS By B SHAWN CLARK In the beginning, sometime after Man took on his current human form (leaving Woman out of this for the moment) he is said to […]]]>

Welcome to our musical countdown to Earth Day 2018; once a month, B Shawn Clark shares one of his Top Ten nature songs.

TOP TEN EARTH SONGS

By B SHAWN CLARK

In the beginning, sometime after Man took on his current human form (leaving Woman out of this for the moment) he is said to have been given dominion over “all the earth” and over “every living thing that moves on the earth” (Genesis 1:26-28), which seemed to work out well until a few days later when he ate of the Tree of Knowledge, became all full of himself, and then things got a little dicey, paradise was lost, and not so long after that: there was James Taylor, stuck with everyone else in a Traffic Jam.

Sometime before then (according to an alternative theory at least) a man (plus a woman) were just like the other creatures on the planet, except they thought they were very clever (mainly because they could stand upright and learned how to use weapons to kill other living things – including each other) and eventually evolved to become lord and master of the other living things on the Earth, plant and animal alike, regarding them as mental midgets over whom they could have their way, which is not the same thing as saying they were wise stewards of the Earth and living things on it over which, by some cruel twist of fate, they had been given dominion.

Either by divine providence or Natural Selection, humans became the masters of their own fate (as well as everyone else’s), monkeyin’ around with what was intended to be, based on their own concept of the Origin of their Species, and the way in which that species, and all the rest in the world, were to evolve.

No doubt pondering all of these existential questions (plus many more) as to the way humans evolved, and then took charge of everything, like some sort of marauding primate in a china shop, The Kinks earned their place high on the list of the Ten Best Earth Day Tunes (at Number 5) with their take on the subject with their delightful lyrics (and the music they put to it) in Apeman (1970):

In man’s evolution he has created the cities and

the motor traffic rumble, but give me half a chance

and I’d be taking off my clothes and living in the jungle

‘Cos the only time that I feel at ease

Is swinging up and down in a coconut tree

Oh what a life of luxury to be like an ape man

But while musically and lyrically appealing (not to mention fun-loving), Apeman, released the same year as #6 Nature’s Way (Spirit), which also coincided with the year in which Earth Day itself was established by Congress, peaked at only #45 on the U.S. Charts (interestingly, like Earth Song by Michael Jackson, Apeman did much better in the UK – peaking at Number 5), joining the ranks of other worthwhile music that, despite an appealing riff (and a much more light-hearted approach) seems to have suffered from too many messages about too many things by a public that had become exhausted with too much protest over them:

I look out my window, but I can’t see the sky

‘Cos the air pollution is f*******up my eyes

I want to get out of this city alive

And make like an ape man

Not so keen on dying in a nuclear war, the reprised Bonzo, pining for romance in an as-yet post-apocalyptic world, reunites with his queen who had helped him to usher in this world that had gone so astray, trying, perhaps against all odds, to get her to join him in reviling (if not taking responsibility for) a world they had created – but that had gone horribly awry and from which they now had to escape:

Be they the first, fabled Love Story of the first, fully-formed human couple, or simply that of merely the first copulating human-like creatures, the ancestors of the people in charge have evolved into the same creatures that were put in charge of their own nests (and everyone else’s): the type of people we prefer not to have as roommates.

B Shawn Clark is a conservationist and attorney turned freelance writer who is attempting to reprise the role of Thoreau in shaping human thought and reflection through life in nature. He is currently holed up in the seaside town of Englewood, Florida at a self-styled “Man Cave” in a wooded area populated by wildlife (not counting those kids next door) beside a creek reminiscent of Walden Pond, where he continues to ponder the law, and the law of human nature.

]]>11256My favorite last-minute gift ideashttp://www.newsoutherner.com/2017/12/21/my-favorite-last-minute-gift-ideas/
Thu, 21 Dec 2017 18:00:00 +0000http://www.newsoutherner.com/?p=11246THE CONSCIOUS CURLY By SUSAN SWANSON The holidays can be a fun-filled time to reflect upon what is important and spend time with those we love. It can also be stressful and exhausting, as we run from party to party, event to event, and try to make time for cookie-making, present-wrapping, and all of the […]]]>

The holidays can be a fun-filled time to reflect upon what is important and spend time with those we love. It can also be stressful and exhausting, as we run from party to party, event to event, and try to make time for cookie-making, present-wrapping, and all of the lovely traditions that make our holidays ours. In the midst of all that, it’s often difficult to figure out what to buy those we care about (or don’t care about but have to buy presents for, anyway), and often, we want to at least appear as though we’ve given the matter some thought and effort—even if we haven’t the time or clue. So the matter often gets put off, and we wait until the absolute last moment and have to weave and push through all the other last-minute shoppers at various local stores (or browse online for stores who will send items one-day shipping for an unexorbitant price). If you need help, I have a few DIY suggestions for those of you in this mess, and for those who are absolutely against DIY-ing, a few good, green product suggestions that may or may not make it to your door by Christmas day.

Everyone needs lotion—if not for the body or face, at least for the hands, especially in the colder climes this winter. So making your own hard lotion is my first DIY suggestion, and the best part is that while making it, you can also easily change it into a DIY lipbalm or Chapstick recipe for extra gifts. I have never been much of a “crafty” person, and making my own lotion or lip balm seemed like a lot of trouble to go to for something I could just buy, but once I found a few recipes (and then tried them out multiple times to get my own perfect version), I realized that this particular project was not only easy, it resulted in gifts that made people feel special, because I took the time to make them myself. Below is my favorite recipe, with links to the ingredients I have used. You should be able to order all of these online, but those in bigger cities might also be able to run to various health stores for them, too.

DIY Lotion Bars

1/2 cup Oil (Use your choice of mixtures or just one—coconut oil is a good base, but you can also use almond, olive and/or argan oil in any mixture up to ½ cup. Note: If you use almond oil, it should be added LAST, after melting the beeswax and shea butters)

1/2 cup Organic Shea Butter (or Cocoa Butter, Mango Butter, etc.) Can use a mixture of any of these–shea butter has a strong smell so you might try mango butter, which is supposedly odorless.

wooden stirrers, or something to stir with that you don’t mind getting lotion on (those wooden tongue depressors you can buy at beauty supply stores for waxing work great)

Mason jar

Note 1:You can make the lotion harder by adding more beeswax or softer by adding more oil. Start with equal parts oils and solids and figure out what consistency you like best. I like to use a little less beeswax and more oil because it melts more easily when applying.

Note 2:This made five full-size lotion bars in a muffin tin and one a little less than half (which I broke up and put in a travel tin for lip balm).

Method:

Pour beeswax in a pint size or larger glass jar (I used a wide-mouthed Mason jar and will continue to use it for this so I don’t have to wash it out) and place in a saucepan filled halfway with water on the stove. Heat at a little over medium heat to melt beeswax–this will take several minutes. Don’t let water get into the jar or it will ruin the lotion.

Once beeswax is almost melted, pour in oils (except almond), then shea butter last—mix with wooden stirrer. Shea butter gets grainy if you heat too long or hot. The whole melting process takes around 10 minutes; just stir occasionally until it’s all liquid. If you are using almond oil, add it once the shea is melted and stir.

Use turkey baster (or pour from Mason jar) to move liquid lotion into the muffin tins/molds–it will cool quickly so work fast (but be careful–it’s hot)! Quickly add about 10 drops of any essential oils to each lotion bar and gently stir to incorporate.

Leave the lotion bars in the muffin tins/molds to set for several hours or overnight in a place where they won’t be disturbed–I put mine in the freezer for an hour or so at the end of the cooling time and they popped out easily.

Wrap all of the extra lotion bars in beeswax wrap, parchment paper, or place in Christmas tins or boxes as gifts, and store in the fridge until giving or ready to use. Make sure to use the lotion as soon as you’re out of the shower (dry off mostly but make sure skin is still warm–lotion will melt and glide on more easily). Rub bar between hands and voila! Easy, natural lotion. It takes a little more time than regular, bottle lotion (approximately 45 more seconds for me–yes, I actually timed it so you’d know for sure…have to be accurate!) but it’s worth it to give a homemade gift (or keep for yourself).

Now, to make the lip balm/Chapstick, you use most of the same ingredients and you will need a place to store it—try to avoid plastic Chapstick containers unless you already have some empty ones you could reuse. My suggestion is a metal tin, but again, if you have something suitable you can reuse, that works great if it can easily be cleaned out before putting the new recipe in. Instructions are below.

DIY Lip Balm/Chapstick

3 T Coconut Oil (or use 2 T coconut oil and mix in 1 T almond oil LAST, after shea butter and beeswax have melted, as the almond oil should not get too hot)

1 T Shea Butter

2 T Beeswax Pastilles

15-20 drops essential oils

Use the exact method as above, with the exception of the addition of almond oil last, if you choose to use it, and carefully pour or use baster to put into tins to cool. Allow to cool several hours undisturbed or store in refrigerator or freezer to cool quickly.

The process above may sound like too much work or effort, but in total, it only takes about an hour to make both recipes. Now, if you do not read this in time to do it before Christmas because you cannot obtain the ingredients, then I have a short list of my favorite sustainable, green gift ideas you might be able to order online with 1-day shipping or find in a local store. If not, you can always give a nice card with a thoughtful note and tell them their gift is on the way! (Okay, maybe not the best idea, but you must work with what you’ve got at this point—it’s five days until Christmas!).

Non-DIY Gift Ideas:

Plaine Products body lotion, shampoo, conditioner, body wash. These amazing-smelling (Rosemary Mint Vanilla!) products are on a subscription service and come in metal containers. You pick an amount of time for renewal (or go in and cancel after ordering if you don’t want to pay forevermore for this gift) and when it’s time to renew, they’ll send a new one and a shipping label to send your old container back! I love both the shampoo and conditioner (curly method approved!) and the lotion is simply divine. I can’t say enough good things about this company.

Baked or Local Goods. Visit a local bakery or other local favorite and choose various cookies, cakes, breads, or other local novelties (wine, bourbon and other spirits are often appreciated…) and wrap in a nice, reusable paper box, bag, or metal tin (or make your own, like Maggie and Deena suggest in THIS POST!).

Reusable Grocery and Produce Bags. You can buy reusable grocery bags almost anywhere, and produce bags are easy to find online or in some grocery or department stores. This is the gift that keeps giving!

Books. It may not be frilly or flashy, but in my opinion, there is nothing more thoughtful than receiving a book from someone (paper or electronic versions) that sounds like something you’d enjoy or that made them think of you.

Experience gifts. These are my favorite gifts to give and receive! Your loved ones [usually] want to spend more time with you. Give them tickets to the theatre, a sporting event, concert, museum, festival, or giftcards for dinner and a nice note telling them you’ll join them (or won’t, if you think they’d rather take someone else!). Write a note in a card and offer to volunteer somewhere together. Or, for bigger gifts, a weekend trip somewhere they have always wanted to go is always a big pleaser.

I hope your Christmas is filled with warmth and laughter, and that something here might have inspired you to give that perfect gift, even if the perfect idea didn’t come until last minute.

Susan Swanson is an Associate Professor of English at Owensboro Community and Technical College in Owensboro, KY. She spends her time dabbling in various pursuits, from cooking to yoga to wine, and learning how to manage her curly hair (this takes more time than one might think). She believes in the sustainability of the planet as well as the self, and being conscious of those areas where we can improve in order to live healthier and happier lives.

]]>11246Holiday gift idea: DIY minimalist treat boxhttp://www.newsoutherner.com/2017/12/12/holiday-gift-idea-diy-minimalist-treat-box/
Tue, 12 Dec 2017 18:30:00 +0000http://www.newsoutherner.com/?p=11195By DEENA LILYGREN and MAGGIE BROWN Often, the holiday season is about more food, more presents, and, as a result, MORE TRASH. If the pain of cleaning up piles of wrapping paper and product packaging after the season makes your lazy bones ache or your good conscience ping with guilt, we’ve got the perfect gift […]]]>

Often, the holiday season is about more food, more presents, and, as a result, MORE TRASH. If the pain of cleaning up piles of wrapping paper and product packaging after the season makes your lazy bones ache or your good conscience ping with guilt, we’ve got the perfect gift ideas for you.

When it comes to eco-friendly gift-giving, the first step is to resist. Consider whether a gift is truly necessary at all. If it is, consider gifting experiences, or at least useful, long-lasting items. Dulce et utile: sweet and useful. Another option, of course: give consumables. Here’s an idea for you based on some party favors we crafted a few years ago. We had a blast creating them, and our guests adored heading home with a homemade gift.

What we love about this DIY:

It gives new life to a paper grocery bag (from that time you forgot your reusable bags).

Once the box wears out, it can easily be recycled or composted.

Fruit as a winter treat harkens back to a simpler time.

The yummy treats are all found in the bulk aisle – no packaging necessary!

It makes us feel like we’re living in a Victorian novel or just got back from sledding.

You’ll need:

A paper bag

Scissors

A sturdier cardboard square (we used the cardboard inserts from a box of wet cat food, but you can substitute a piece from a shipping box or cereal box)

A ruler

Treats/goodies to fill the box – we used clementines, dates, pecans, candied ginger, and chocolate-covered cherries

Preparing the bag:

Cut along the length and around the bottom of the bag.

Find another use for the bottom rectangle – you won’t need this part. Tear off the handles.

Measure two 12×12″ squares and cut them out.

The one with the design you most want to display will become the “top” of the box.

To make the box top:

Fold in half diagonally to make a triangle.

Make a strong middle crease, and reinforce all creases as you go!

Take an outside corner and fold in just to the crease, and fold edge.

Fold again, this time to the crease you just made. Repeat on other side.

Fold in each corner over to the second crease.

Repeat all these steps again, folding the diagonal the other way.

Make four cuts as indicated in the picture.

Fold the sides in twice.

Raise the folded portions up and bring the corners in to make the first “wall” of the box.

Raise each end flap and fold them over to secure the sides. (If you have unruly paper or want to make it extra secure, you can use tape.)

Crease corners to strengthen the shape of the box.

To make the box bottom:

Repeat steps 3 – 11 above on the other square.

Trim the bottom piece around the edges just a touch to make it *slightly* smaller than the top piece – it will be an easier fit this way.

Cut your cardboard piece to fit inside the bottom. This will make the box more secure and help hold the weight of the treats.

Finishing touch:

Fill the box with goodies! You can vary the size of the box, mix and match lids, and experiment with treat combinations.

Maggie Brown, the Editor-in-Chief of New Southerner, is an Associate Professor at Elizabethtown Community & Technical College, where she has taught writing, literature, film studies, and rock & roll lit. She resides in Louisville, Kentucky, and enjoys giving talks and leading workshops about her experiences with the zero waste and vegan lifestyles. Her philosophy is that sustainability for the planet perfectly aligns with sustainability for the self. She’d love to hear from you at maggie [at] newsoutherner [dot] com.

]]>11195Throw out those bitter pills–your permission slip for the happy holiday you deservehttp://www.newsoutherner.com/2017/12/08/throw-out-those-bitter-pills-your-permission-slip-for-the-happy-holiday-you-deserve/
http://www.newsoutherner.com/2017/12/08/throw-out-those-bitter-pills-your-permission-slip-for-the-happy-holiday-you-deserve/#commentsFri, 08 Dec 2017 18:00:00 +0000http://www.newsoutherner.com/?p=11231LILYVILLE By DEENA LILYGREN I’ve been trying to escape my family of origin my entire life. We’re just not a “good fit.” To be clear, they are all an excellent fit with one another, but I don’t enjoy them, and they certainly don’t enjoy me. We don’t like each other, which used to torture me. […]]]>

We’re just not a “good fit.” To be clear, they are all an excellent fit with one another, but I don’t enjoy them, and they certainly don’t enjoy me. We don’t like each other, which used to torture me.

It tortured me because mythology about families runs so deep—deep enough that some people never recognize the fiction, and so spend their entire lives struggling in pursuit of what they believe is the natural order of things: family is the most important thing in life; no one will ever love you like your family; dysfunctional families are rare and shameful.

So we keep trying. Getting along with others is so important, after all (almost as important as family!). There are thousands of articles on how to survive going home for the holidays, and the main thesis is always the same: we may not like our families, but we love them, and holidays together are inescapable.

And so we pack our bags and go. We exhaust our friends with our pre-trip panic, and walk straight into the situation we’ve been dreading all year. We expose our children to abhorrent ideas, subject ourselves to tooth-grindingly offensive anecdotes, and jump through the mental and emotional hoops that have been arranged as a test we will inevitably fail. We cry in the bathroom—or smoke, or drink—and text in secret.

We return home with bruised souls, and we can’t stop. We can’t stop because our parents deserve our respect; we can’t stop because of the grandkids; we can’t stop because people would be upset. We can’t stop because if we stopped, we would be in violation of a top-tier social code.

If we stopped, we would be selfish.

My dad tried to explain the nature of families to me, during my final visit. Embarrassingly, what prompted it was that, inconsolable, I vocalized what I had never before accepted or acknowledged: that no one in my family likes me. He was exasperated by my inability to accept this is just how families are. He explained how miserable he had been during his own family visits, and how he just kept doing it because that’s what families do—they gather with people who make them unhappy and suffer through unkind comments and outright shunning. Our own happiness is an absurd thing to think about or put above family obligation.

He did not sell me on the idea.

The truth is, I’m okay being selfish, but I know most women aren’t. But I want desperately to give every single person permission to sever selfishness from the concept of happiness, and let it sail away forever. I don’t care how holidays with your family make you uncomfortable—whether you’re forced to hide your sexuality, listen to racist commentary, endure a physical attack, hear criticisms about your parenting, or whether you’re simply expected to expend more logistically and financially than you would prefer. If your family’s demands take the joy out of your holiday, consider a holiday without them.

Convention is a powerful thing. I would never have expected that I would now celebrate my happiest holidays with my daughters and ex-husband, or that happy hour with friends on Thanksgiving evening was a viable option. But these people like and love me, and I like and love them. And on our first joyful holiday with just the four of us, my youngest daughter seemed genuinely curious when she said, “Why did you keep taking us to grandma and grandpa’s for so long?”

Why, indeed?

I suppose it was because no one had given me permission to stop—to become a quitter who doesn’t play well with others, and all the other related baggage. But in case you’re looking for the same permission, these truths are my holiday gift to you:

You are not responsible for magically expelling anxiety and fear with a “good attitude.”

You are not responsible for enhancing another person’s holiday by sacrificing yours.

There’s no such thing as “just politics” right now. Your feelings of alienation are not petty.