Me vs. the hooligans in my house

The other day I was minding my own business, about four hours into an eight hour nap, when…

Yes, its as comfy as it looks.

…I started to get the distinct feeling that I was being watched. Ya know that feeling? I looked up and there they were, a team of hooligans not five feet away from my head–all staring at me with the meanest faces on the planet. They were coming toward me, they were going to attack me! My mind started to race. Mom was sitting right next to me, working on her computer, and seemed oblivious to the danger she was in.

I had to protect her, so got into my fighting position–head cocked forward, deep growl, punctuated with a howl and two barks. That should scare them away, I thought. But nothing happened. The hooligans just kept looking at me, subliminally sending me messages about my imminent demise.

I sprang into action and lunged at them, willing them to go away. By this time, Mom was up off her chair looking around the room, trying to find the taunting varmits that were threatening the very fabric of my being. It wasn’t too long before she laid eyes on them.

This is what I was up against.

Four menacing creatures hovering along the wall near the door. Their faces stared down at me with such hatred that I had to turn away. For some reason, Mom found this all very funny. She tried to explain something to me–something about the villans being masks she bought in Peru–whatever, I wasn’t listening. I was planning my exit. I jumped up on the couch and howled for help. Anyone! Can anyone hear me?!?!

It was at that point that Mom actually picked up one of the enemies (GASP!) and brought it down to my level. HOW DARE SHE! I ran and hid under the table, whimpering all the way. She placed the enemy on the floor. Funny enough, it didn’t move. Since Mom didn’t seem too frightened, I decided to follow suit and act like a big girl. I went over to the cretin and sniffed its face. To my surprise, nothing happened. It just laid there like a dead fish (yum, fish, that sounds good right now). I stepped away and looked again at Mom, who was telling me that everything was OK.

Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t be so scared, I thought. I’m not one to hold grudges, so after a few choice words for my inanimate roommate, I decided to lick his face and call him my friend. These days, I notice he and his friends from time to time, but now I feel OK with their presence. With a little understanding on both of our parts, we’ve been able to achieve peace in our little corner of the world.