Last year, Geno Smith and Mike Glennon both took the majority of snaps at quarterback for their respective teams, and while neither was perfect, both displayed a great deal of potential that would suggest there was at least some possibility that they could lead their teams well into the future. Their reward for their more-or-less encouraging play? Michael Vick and Josh McCown taking their jobs.

The signings of Vick and McCown — McCown especially — were among the more shocking off the free agency period so far because it seemed like Smith and Glennon had both done enough to avoid worrying about job security for at least another year. But that’s the new reality for rookie QBs — you pretty much have to be good right away. Between the new rookie pay scale, which prevents teams from essentially being locked into first-round QB choices for a half-decade anymore (Hi, Sam Bradford!), and the immediate successes of Andrew Luck, Russell Wilson, and RG3, rookie QBs are under a ton of pressure to make an impact as soon as they enter the league.

It wasn’t always like this – Peyton Manning threw a ton of picks his rookie year, and didn’t even look remotely decent after his first eight games, but nobody freaked and said, “Shit…can we get Jim Harbaugh back??!!” He was allowed to develop, and sure enough, in year two, he looked like Peyton Manning, and other than a rough 2001 campaign, there was no looking back. Eli was even worse as a rookie — does anyone remember those seven games he started on the back end of 2004? That some of the most unwatchable non-Tebow quarterback play of the past 20 years. And going into the 2007 playoffs, after 3.5 years as the Giants starter, the best thing you could possibly say about him was that he was a slightly-better-than-average quarterback. But the Giants stuck with him, and ended up winning two Super Bowls.

Of course, they stuck with Eli because they had to — they invested a shit-ton of money in him after taking him #1 overall, and they could hardly declare him a failure after a few years when he was by far the biggest decision the team had made in at least a decade. This was also the reason why Alex Smith hung on forever in San Francisco even long after everyone in the universe had decided that he was a bust (and eventually, became a decent starting QB). When you put that much money into a player, you kind of have no choice but to dig your heels in and hope the guy no one believes in anymore figures it out.

But the new pay scale has swung things in the opposite direction. If a quarterback hasn’t established himself in two years, there will be talk of drafting another one. Hell, the Jaguars stuck it out with Gabbert for three years, which most people thought was too long. (Note: Gabbert might be the exception to the “give the guy a chance” notion, because it really seems like just flat-out sucks.) It’s funny to think of what might have happened if the new, far less lucrative rookie pay scale exists, say 20 years ago. Think back to Peyton Manning’s aforementioned 2001 campaign, where he threw 19 interceptions, the team when 6-10, and Jim Mora went on his legendary PLAYOFFS??!! rant. At that point, Manning had two good seasons, two mediocre ones, and zero playoff wins. There would have undoubtedly been talk of the Colts drafting a QB. Actually, go back to 2002, pretend the current wage scale is in place, and now pretend Bleacher Report exists. So, picture this headline:

Indianapolis Colts: Should They Trade Up For Joey Harrington In The 2002 NFL Draft?

Going back to Smith and Glennon, it’s quite possible that both will eventually start for their current teams again — Geno could win the job in training camp — but the fact that both appear to be having their development arrested in favor of veterans who can *win now (a dubious claim for Vick and McCown), suggests that young talent at quarterback just isn’t being values like it used to me. You either make an immediate impact, like Wilson and RG3 did, or you stumble out of the gate and quickly become expendable.

The situation isn’t entirely bad — it’s certainly a good thing that teams are no longer trapped with their same shitty quarterback for years and years because of his giant contract. But we might going too far in the other direction — to a point where if a QB isn’t good right away, we immediately question if they’ll ever be good, and start thinking about drafting another one. QBs shouldn’t hold teams hostage because they’ve already been given too much money that they can’t live up to, but they shouldn’t be disposable, either.

]]>http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2014/04/rookie-quarterbacks-arent-allowed-suck-anymore.html/feed33All 32 Quarterbacks As Their Team Name!http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2013/09/all-32-quarterbacks-as-their-team-name.html
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2013/09/all-32-quarterbacks-as-their-team-name.html#commentsMon, 02 Sep 2013 16:18:17 +0000http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=69075My last post with Matt Schaub as a kangaroo got a good response, so I decided to take things one step further. I don’t know if anyone has ever asked what every QB could look like as their team name, but I decided to answer that very question. Because reasons.

Things started off easy enough. Most of the teams are just animals.

But after the animals end, things start to get a little harder. It’s not too bad, many of the remaining mascots are human in nature.

Whether it’s Colin Kaepernick’s tattoos or Robert Griffin III’s alleged brand of cornball blackness, the subject of race remains a flashpoint in our nation’s discourse about NFL quarterbacks. Why is the conversation about race and quarterbacks so contentious? Well, like the presidency and the who plays Rue in the Hunger Games movies, it just matters what race your team’s quarterback is. While many quarterbacks may be of the same race, each has a unique thing to say about the state of race relations in America today. Rather than wait for a hack to uncork a terrible rant about it, we decided to cut to the chase and just tell you what each team’s quarterback situation signifies about race in America today:

New York Giants: Overly permissive white parenting creates bratty, entitled children who make faces.Washington Redskins: Real black people don’t wear goofy socks. Also, Bono is not black.Dallas Cowboys: When Mexican and Polish people breed, the result is as derpy as you might think.Philadelphia Eagles: People of all races are capable of doing wrong.

Detroit Lions: The greatness of any white man can be traced to the greatness of a greater black man.Green Bay Packers: White people love handing off to Kuhns.Chicago Bears: Only white people are cat people.Minnesota Vikings: Even white people eventually get tired of white people, if they’re bad enough.

Carolina Panthers: There’s nothing white people hate more than when a black man gets away with something.New Orleans Saints: Jesus is white.Atlanta Falcons: White people have stupid nicknames.Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Mixed race people get Jewish hair.

Seattle Seahawks: Short is the new black.St. Louis Rams: The plight of the Native American remains not a positive one.San Francisco 49ers: Mixed race people keep weird pets.Arizona Cardinals: Despite what other races might think, white people do suffer.

New York Jets: Not all second-rate Mexican labor is cheap.Buffalo Bills: If you have an Ivy League pedigree, white people will let you do anything, no matter how poorly.New England Patriots: White men love a woman with no ass.Miami Dolphins: Ditto.

Pittsburgh Steelers: White people can get away with anything.Baltimore Ravens: When in moments of crisis, white men look to black men to save them.Cincinnati Bengals: Gingers have no souls.Cleveland Browns: Ageism is more toxic in America than racism.

Jacksonville Jaguars: White people are sarcastic.Indianapolis Colts: White people are ugly.Houston Texans: White people are really ugly.Tennessee Titans: White people are boring.

San Diego Chargers: Only white people are going to heaven.Oakland Raiders: Sometimes, a lot of Mexicans are forced to cheer for crappy white people.Kansas City Chiefs: People love to cheer when white people get hurt.Denver Broncos: Race does not matter, for soon we will all be androids.

]]>http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2012/12/what-does-your-teams-quarterback-say-about-race.html/feed41… and Byron Leftwich’s tainthttp://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/08/and-byron-leftwichs-taint.html
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/08/and-byron-leftwichs-taint.html#commentsWed, 20 Aug 2008 04:02:58 +0000http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=3212I’ve previously discussed my crush on Holy Taco. They’re at it again with this pièce de résistance. Sure, this disheveled looking fellow has a few shortcomings, but I’m pretty sure he would be the week one starter for the Chiefs.

The poindexters at Pro Football Reference have unveiled their list of the worst quarterbacks in the history of the game. You won’t find perennial benchwarmers like Jelly-Roll Lorenzen here, rather the stat-monkeys focused on quarterbacks who logged enough playing time to really stink up the joint. I doubt that anyone in the D will be shocked to learn that Joey Harrington topped the list.

No QB has performed so far below the league average for so long as Joey Harrington. To be clear, Joey Harrington probably isn’t the worst quarterback of all time in an absolute sense. But in terms of being so far below average, but far enough above miserable to earn more playing time, Joey Harrington hurt his team more than any other QB in NFL history. If Harrington had been worse, he would have played less, and he wouldn’t have set back the teams he played on.

Ouch. Don’t sugar-coat it or anything.

Also worth a look is their compilation of the worst quarterbacks in each individual season. This list is a pleasant blend of the expected (Archie Manning, Ryan Leaf, David Carr), the surprising (Phil Simms, Joe Theismann) and players I had all but forgotten (Stan Gelbaugh, Billy Joe Tolliver). Check out Joe Ferguson’s staggeringly awful run as worst QB in three straight seasons (1982-84).

Of course in this day and age a team would never give a QB that long before making a change. Americans will no longer tolerate protracted mediocrity from their quarterbacks. Mediocrity from our President, legislature, courts, social service structure, public schools and economic system is one thing. But from our quarterbacks? No effing way.

]]>http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/06/geeks-exhaustively-crunch-numbers-to-tell-us-shit-we-already-know.html/feed39Better Know A Draft Pick: Matt Ryanhttp://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/better-know-draft-pick-matt-ryan.html
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/better-know-draft-pick-matt-ryan.html#commentsFri, 21 Mar 2008 14:49:00 +0000http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/better-know-a-draft-pick-matt-ryan.htmlWelcome back to another year of Better Know A Draft Pick. Leading up to the draft we’ll profile all the top prospects that are worth knowing.

Name: Matt RyanNickname: Matty Ice

Easy Reasons to Hate Him Sight Unseen: Did you see that fucking nickname? Then there’s the issue of the two first names. I bet he enjoys a good balcony party.

Who Wants Him: Kansas City loves his ability to win games for bad teams.

Who Will Take Him: Atlanta loves him because he’s safer than your girlfriend’s gay shopping buddy.

Hobbies: 94, 51, 56, and the one on the far right…

And 98 that one night he was really trashed.

Campus Hangout: Planned Parenthood

Favorite Food: Chowdah!

Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: He’s from small-town Pennsylvania, he attended a prestigious Quaker high school, he attended a prestigious Catholic college, and he emits a distinct odor of apple pie.

]]>http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/better-know-draft-pick-matt-ryan.html/feed9The Lamest Conversation of All Time; Or, There Wasn’t Time for a Game of Squashhttp://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/10/lamest-conversation-of-all-time-or.html
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/10/lamest-conversation-of-all-time-or.html#commentsMon, 01 Oct 2007 16:37:00 +0000http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/10/the-lamest-conversation-of-all-time-or-there-wasnt-time-for-a-game-of-squash.htmlFriday Evening…

Me: Hi, Eli. Matt. Nice to meet you. Can I get a picture?

Eli Manning: Sure.

Me: Thanks.

Eli: …

Me: Wow. You’re really tall. That doesn’t come across on television.

Eli: Well, everyone else is tall, too.

Me: Ah. Well, good luck on Sunday… night, is it?

Eli: Yup. Thanks.

]]>http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/10/lamest-conversation-of-all-time-or.html/feed66The GQ Quarterback Photos REEEEEEEEEEEE-MIX!http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/gq-quarterback-photos-reeeeeeeeeeee-mix.html
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/gq-quarterback-photos-reeeeeeeeeeee-mix.html#commentsMon, 27 Aug 2007 16:41:00 +0000http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/the-gq-quarterback-photos-reeeeeeeeeeee-mix.htmlIt was just last week that we were first able to gaze upon GQ’s latest photo stylings of some of the NFL’s hot young quarterbacks. This week, as is the natural progression of Internet Things, come the Photoshopped images (all courtesy of our good friend 289).

The Ironic Hall of Mirrors shattered when Ben hit a motorcycle-driving Steely McBeam.

Hey, someone’s gotta fill the void left in the dogfighting world.

Ugh. I’d rather be Travis Henry.

“Where you been, Romo? The whole steel industry’s gay.”

Actually, this one isn’t Photoshopped.

Your move, Dan V.

]]>http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/gq-quarterback-photos-reeeeeeeeeeee-mix.html/feed221-800-StayDownBitchhttp://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/1-800-staydownbitch.html
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/1-800-staydownbitch.html#commentsWed, 15 Aug 2007 13:48:00 +0000http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/1-800-staydownbitch.htmlThe Sports Network (which exists) is reporting that the NFL will open a “concussion hotline” for concerned players, doctors, coaches, and that guy that takes fantasy football a bit too seriously.

The NFL has taken a proactive stance on addressing concussions, a condition that has led to several players retiring or being sidelined for substantial amounts of time.

The league announced Tuesday that it would establish a concussion hotline. It’s being formed to report information on a confidential basis about players being forced to practice or play against medical advice.

KSK has recently learned that players confidential informants have come forward on behalf of these woozy injury victims.

]]>http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/1-800-staydownbitch.html/feed24David Carr Marauds Through North Carolina Killing Children Oh God the Humanityhttp://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/david-carr-marauds-through-north.html
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/david-carr-marauds-through-north.html#commentsWed, 08 Aug 2007 16:54:00 +0000http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/08/david-carr-marauds-through-north-carolina-killing-children-oh-god-the-humanity.htmlPassersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.