I am a former sex therapist with an unusual fetish for men with small penises. I also consult and work with couples where the male is "under-endowed". I think I can handle any question or situation, so please ask questions in the comment sections.

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Trouble with Girth

Most women who feel size matters lean more toward the importance of girth over length. The average girth of an erect penis is between 4.75 inches and 5.25 inches. Girth, of course, is the circumference of the penis. Men who have a girth under 4.5 inches are thin, while those with a girth less than 4 inches are considered to be extremely thin. The men in this range sometimes suffer from any number of problems when having sex. First, condoms are difficult to keep on. While they are labeled as "one size fits all", this really applies to length, not girth. Second, they may not be able to feel as much as their more endowed brethren as their penis slips into the vagina making minimal contact with the vaginal walls. These are humiliating experiences. Most of the men I worked with suffered from having extremely thin penises. Many of them had sexual encounters that ended during sex itself -- either because the condom kept slipping off, or neither party was experiencing sexual pleasure. So, how do you get over this? What can you do?

If you feel you have an extremely thin penis, write me a note in the comments section and we'll begin your therapy.

77 comments:

I have had sex with men who possessed larger than average sized penises, but I just don't find it enjoyable -- not from a pain point of view, but from a lack of arousal.

And it would be unlikely that I would randomly "encounter" a large one. I seek out men who possess small penises -- if they lie and in fact have a large penis, then I will excuse myself. If they actually have an average sized penis, I will still enjoy a sexual experience with them...but it will only be once.

Kathy, I have had some less than enthusiastic participants but for the most part the subject doesn't come up. In my past more ridicule has come at the hands of other guys earlier on when growing up through college.

I did have one experience though where a girlfriend's friends made some giggling drunk comments about how I frequently "slipped out" during sex. This was something that did happen in that relationship because she would move her hips a lot. It was very embarrassing at the time so I ignored it but thinking back it is arousing.

I have an extremely teeny, tiny penis. It is a little less than 3" in length and about 2 1/2 inches in circumference or girth. I have been embarrassed and humiliated by being so tiny my entire life, ever since I was a very small boy (no pun intended). My First Wife became so sexually frustrated by my tiny size and my premature ejaculations that she eventually transformed, transitioned and trained me to be her feminized, sissified little cuck hubby who served, worshipped and obeyed her and her most Black Lovers. I think it is probably too late for therapy but just thought I would write anyway since you seem to be so knowledgeable.

Hi Kathy, i finally found my fabric measuring tape and was able to measure my girth to compare against the examples you gave. I measure at 3 to 3 1/4 depending where on the shaft. I suspected being alot less than average because of condoms having such a baggy fit. Yet i guess that is proportionate to my length, since it would look silly having a thick penis barely 3 1/2 inches long wouldn't it?

kathy, i'm about 23 years old and haven't lost my virginity yet. I came close a few years back, but when i tried to put the condom on it was just too loose due to my very small girth and it just never happened, we stopped seeing eachother after that.. that experience has really lowered my self-esteem and i haven't even gone out with a woman in at least a year.

Surprisingly, no, it's not. Think about how you view people whom you do not know personally. What do you admire in them? That is what you esteem.

So, do you really, truly esteem anyone, solely because of something which isn't anywise to their credit? Guys with big dicks have what is usually an advantage, whatever drawbacks might also attach. But, even if you truly admire a certain porn swordsman, it isn't for his assets, so much as it is for his technique.

In ourselves, as in others, we mostly admire ourselves for what we've accomplished. Of one thing I can assure you, however one does it, pleasuring a woman is an accomplishment. So is attracting and keeping one, particularly one who cherishes you in return.

Having the stones to open up, face your fears, and act in furtherance of your present and future happiness will bring you a shitload of esteem for yourself. Plus, for those girls who are so inclined to share some part of your journey with you, Kathy's right, chicks mostly dig the emotional sharing, once they've agreed to let you inside that part of their world. (But, for God's sake, follow their lead at first, because they're way better at this stuff than we are. Also, most want to see you roar before you give too much of your softer side up. Just don't oversell that, because show-and-tell may have her putting the mental image beside the physical one before she's entirely on your side.)

Kathy,I stumbled across your website by accident, but am definitely captivated by it. I am a 45 year old married male, and to be completely honest I would describe my penis to be very small. My erect length measures exactly 4 ¼ inches long, and my girth is exactly 4 inches in circumference. Condoms never do fit.

kathy, I have what many consider, including myself, to be a very thin penis. Every female that has seen my member has giggled, laughed or been shocked at its lack of girth. I have a 4.25 inch circumference, but 9 inches long. I must say that do not mind the giggles ,and enjoy having sex with a woman who has a loose vagina. Finding a condom that fits is most vexing. Have you ever been with someone with a penis 9 in. long and a 4.25 circumference, if so where did he get his condoms?

Hey Kathy, I was worried about the length and girth of my penis, so I started looking things up on google, and found your blog. I realized that my penis is average after I read your blog, so I felt a bit better about myself, but when I have sex with my gf, I really don't feel much unless she purposely tightens up her vagina, but I'm assuming it's tiring, so she doesn't do that for long. What should I do about it? Do different women need different sizes of penis? is mine too small for my gf's? Everytime after we're done having sex, I don't orgasm like I do when I masturbate and feel a bit dissatisfied and I think she is probably feeling the same, but she tells me that she does feel me and not to worry about it. (she masturbates during sex)Can you please answer my questions? please, I don't know who else to talk about this. thanks. Hope you do.

I have about 4.4 inches in girth and about 6.5 inches in length, with my glans girth about5.25 (my glans is large in proportion to my girth). My flaccid size is from 1.5 to 2.5 inches in length, flaccid girth about 3.0 inches. I am anxious about my small size in locker room situations. My wife of 6 months thinks I am "perfect", but I know some of her past lovers have been 6 inches flaccid and 8 or 9 inches when erect. She also mentioned they were "girthier". We were trading stories one day and she didn't think I would be affected by this news, but I still can't help but wondering if she isn't comparing me to others. She is a real neat lady who thinks I am silly to worry.

It is good to see something written on girth, since most information on smaller penises is about length. My penis is 4 inches in girth and I've dealt with all the issues of having a thin penis like condoms falling off, humiliation and lack of sensation.

kathy it seems that you have not been commenting back to these fellas comments.i would like to leave a comment anyway in hopes that it will be answered soon.

i love my gf and she loves me. neither of us has had sex before but ifeel like its coming soon. in measuremtns im 4x4. ive prac with condoms before...like masturbating with them on to see if it comes off. its loose but it hasnt come off. should i risk embarassment using a reg condom during sex with my gf?do you think she will be satisfied with what i have?are there any tips that i can use to satisfy her other than the standard doggie?i wouldnt want it to slip out during sex.

Hi KathyWhere exactly should girth be measured in your opinion?I've read different articles with different systems of measurement.One said that we should measure girth at 3 different places (right below the glans penis, in the middle of the shaft, and at the base) and take the average.Another article said that we should measure it at the middle of the shaft.A third article said that we should measure it at the base.I'm soo confused! I'd be really grateful for your opinion.

Hi KathyI just turned 18, and I believe that i'm below/average, but my gf tells me differernt. She has told me on many occassions, that i am large.My penile length is 7 1/2 inches and 5 inches in girth. Some people may say i sound goofy or silly for worrying about these dimensions, but to me i feel small. Where would you place me?

hi am jose all my life i been worry abouth the side of my penis, i have never measure until today i am 4.5 lengh and 4.2 girth iwill like you to coment about it is it to small or avergage i promiss you wont hurt my feeling thanks

Hello,interesting discussion around her, commenting a post one year ago indicates quite some interest in that subject.So my questions to anybody around here is Have you ever heard of Penis Enlargement ? Its basically a manual Trainingmethod where you stretch (pull) your penis in various ways to gain more lenght and "jelq" your penis to get more girth. I cant belive none of you guys ever stumbled about that. Because dont ever think that this stuff doesnt work.. IT WORKS! I see the result everyday in the mirror. I stumpled across this post because i basically did some research about when theres too much girth. I did PE for two years, mainly girth exercises, starting of with an slight above averge girth I am now what some would consider huge. Exact measurements are unecessary here but i can savely say I gained about 2cm (0,8"?) of girth in two years with the fastest gaining streak in the last 6 months. So all you guys out there who where humiliated by a women or society in general at some point.. there is youre cure. I can relate with you because I had my fair share of that too. Even though my dick is not small erect it is ( was ) really small when flaccid. so this lead to harrasment in the locker room in the early days what was basically was only fun for the others it was a deep cut in my self conscious and is one of the reasons i finally failed at my first time with a woman. I was so nervous i couldnt get it hard. Same thing happened with the next woman. I couldnt really break out of that circle, but PE supplied me with (I truly know how silly that sounds) really physical and unquestionable self-conscious. Im getting better step by step and I think im on a good way. Thats how it worked for me. I hope i gave you some things to start with. The two biggest boards on the intenet dealing with PE are thundersplace.org and the Matter of Size baord. There are a lot more but I´m good with these ones.

Hi I am 27 have a 5.5 length 4.25 in girth and don't have problems satisfying my partner however I don't find sex enjoyable ill cum and it just isn't that great I don't see the big deal at all. I get bored in sex very easy. But unlike a lot of guys only go once and wait 20 mins. I stay hard and will cum 2 3 times before I go limp. I don't have adhd or anything. I beat myself up over my size. It just feels too small to get any pleasure. Can you help me out? Ncote702@cox.net

I know this is a really old post...but i have a question about girth. About mid shaft i get a measurement of 4.5" give or take about .17 of an inch either way, but closer to the bottom its 4.75" or a little more so which measurement is the correct one and where do i fall?

Kathy, I am 23 years old and have a very small penis (girth wise). It is 5.5 inches in length and a pathetic 3.0 inches in girth. I have never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl not only because my penis is small and I feel I can never satisfy a woman but also because I am insecure about my looks and ability to attract a woman. I have recently decided to devote my life to helping others and the world, give my life a worthwhile purpose, instead of trying to forge normal relationships and be like everybody else because I know that can never happen. I would like to know your opinions on my decisions and my perceptions.

I was with a man,actually my first man for over a year.The sex was fun at first,but I started losing the sexual feeling for him in my vagina.I was also stressed out over different things in my life as well.Another man started really persuing me.He convinced me to have sex with him.I didn't want to at first and I knew it was wrong to cheat.We were in his car and he pulled out his cock to show me it.He was so much thicker than my boyfriend and seemed much harder too.I was actually concerned that it might hurt me.Things happened so fast and before I knew it my pants and panties were off and he placed his thick hard cock inside of me.What I felt almost immediately was a feeling of great euphoria.A complete body rush.I was really having my first real orgasm.The next several weeks I continued to have encounters with him,eventhough we both knew what we were doing was wrong,for as I was cheating on my boyfriend,he was cheating on his wife.Needless to say,sex was never the same for me and my boyfriend.He found out about us and I broke up with the other man.Later I broke up with my boyfriend for his penis was now seemingly useless for me,I still care for him and love him,but I need a man sized cock,not a huge one,but certainly not a little boy dick like my first boyfriend has.My first boyfriend was around four inches long and not very thick,my new man is not super long but he's much thicker and really makes me feel more like a woman.He's a revelation.I feel a little sorry for my ex boyfriend,he's really nice,but after cheating on him and discovering for myself how truly useless his penis turned out to be for me,I'm not that sorry for him and I really don't miss him or his little boy dick anymore.I think I left him with a complex about it,for which I do feel a little sorry about.Now that I left him for good I've never looked back!

Hey Kathy,The guy I am seeing (whom I really like) has a small penis, mainly in girth. I would like to know if there is anything we can do to work with this issue. It's just not thick enough for me to enjoy. I like the guy, but feel like I'm stuck now bc I fear our sexual relationship will be unfulfilling. Girth is about 3"

Lol that gurl who posted on march 4 2011 I'm sorry, but ur a true americanized b!tch lol sex is the number one thing in relationships in the western world which is sad, which explains why americans have such a high divorce rate, a guy with even an average sized penis is not even good enough for that girl, seriously what's next american girls are cheating on their boyfriends n husbands with horses n elephants or what! Lol what u did to ur poor lil itty bitty boyfriend is so going to haunt u in the afterlife I promise! Haha

I feel like I have a small penis. It measures 6.25 in length and 4.9 in width. The head is smaller than the shaft. Every girl that I've ever slept with (around 20) seemed to be stretched wider than my penis. But every girl that I sleep with their vagina gets tight and stays tight. At the beginning of sex I can barely get my penis inside but after I enter they get wet and stretch out. This has bothered me because I think my thin penis affects their vagina differently than any other man, which makes me feel sexually inferior to other men cause they stretch the girls out and I tighten them up. I just wish I were the same as other guys.

In earlier times it was always length not girth that everyone talked about , and well I had a 6.25" penis so I never worried and never even measured the girth thought I knew I was thinner than most people .Now that I have measured it and checked out so many sites on the subject I realize what an inadequate and classic pencildick it is at a miserable 4" girth .My comment is to the woman above who dumped her little dicked boyfriend . Don't feel guilty . I know I was hurt when the wife left me for her boyfriend who was much better endowed . However after researching on the much greater volume that even an extra half inch makes I don't blame her for leaving me for a guy 8" long and with a girth of 6" I don't know how she stayed as long as she did.

I'm just over 6 inches long, and have always been happy with that.It's not till I read that the average girth is '4.75-5.25 inches' that I became unhappy with my 4.5 inch girth. Not sure what to do. Desperately need some gains!

If your girth is only 4.5" bear in mind that an average woman's vaginal wall when aroused is 4.5 " wide so most women need a thicker penis to really enjoy vaginal sex . If heredity or cruel fate has given a man a penis with 4.2" girth- well no that's not thick enough . Mine is 6.1" long but a pitiful 3.85" girth and I doubt that I've ever satisfied anyone . Volume and girth is everything in vaginal sex and with a skinny little pencil you might as well stick to anal or oral if you can find any woman that will put up with a thin dick . My wife and several GFs left me because mine is so skinny- the typical 13 year old boy has a thicker dick than my widdle peepee .And yes I did try a vaccuum pump for years . My cock grew from 5.75" long to 6.1" (a lot of guys have an inch or two that can be pulled out with a pump ) , but the girth never got even a fraction of an inch thicker .After being a pencildicked loser all my life now I just look at SPH online porno and masturbate .

You guys need to look into increasing the blood flow in your penis's. I personally do manual work outs and take supplements. I take horny goat weed and ginkgo biloba (goat weed is maybe 30 a month, the ginkgo is maybe 20 bucks for 3 months at wall greens or something.) take the supplements daily for 3 months for the best effect. These will increase the blood flow to your penis which should add some girth (1/4-1/2 inch.) and length (1/4-1/2 inch). The manual work outs I do can be found freely online just Check out PE penis, there are tons of forums out there with countless guys ready to help you. I'm not promising anything but with a little time, smarts and effort most guys can further increase their blood flow with these and add some girth and length (1/2 Length and girth easy). The biggest thing is to make sure to take off days (2 on 1 off) these are the days your penis heals. It can be argued if you can permanently increase in size from these (most agree that prolonged use will add some permanent size), I'm not sure I've only been doing for 1 and a half months, but I've seen 1/4 - 1/2 girth and 1/2 length increase from increased blood flow. Before doing them would of put my eq at a 10 but really I was more of say a 7 or 8. I have heard of guys start with 4 or under girth who ended up at 5.5 within a year because of the fact their previous blood flow/eq was so low they weren't even close to filling out their natural penis. Anyway, I hope someone reads this. It works, I went from 5 1/2 length, 4 1/2 girth to 6x5 pretty quick. Some people respond better then others. There is help, its not magic and does take time and effort on your part but nothing I'd call unreasonable. Any, I hope this helps someone. Having a small penis isn't something you have to accept lying down.

Hi, my penis is only 4 inches, both in length and girth (hard). Does this make me extremely under endowed, being so thin as well as so short? Would most women just laugh? I'm happily married so not looking for reassurance, just your honest opinion. Thanks, Little Ben

I've never measured but mine's about 3,5in long and the thinnest one I've ever seen, like thinner than most micropenises. I have some weight to shed so maybe it'll get a little bigger. I personally like it, but I keep fearing I'll be rejected because of it. I splurge on my fantasies of SPH occasionally, I actually prefer the lighter stories where the girl is just playing along. I'm a virgin but wouldn't want to be humiliated on my first time, that could be very traumatic.

Hi Kathy. I hope you still respond to this blog. I have a short and thin penis. It has caused me emotional turmoil for as long as I've been aware of how truly small it is. It isn't micro, measuring at 4.75 x 4, but very small nonetheless. I've been told by women, current one included, that it's the width that is the real problem. She doesn't feel "full" during sex. Not enough friction, lack of motion. Limited positions. It has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. I try to be an attentive lover, eagerly performing oral, lots of foreplay. But at the end of the day it's never enough... my penis fails the person I'm with. People say to have confidence, it's not the size, etc... I say bullshit. Women care, and something I was born with, that I can't change is left to define me. I wish I could turn this part of my brain off, just become a sexual. Please help

My cock looks like the one in your picture when a girl grabs it. I feel like it's thin and doesn't grab the inside walls of a pussy when I move in and out. But it measures 5.25 around. Some girls have said also they thought it was thin. And it's thicker at the base and some girls have asked me not to move back during sex taking much of my cock out when doing the reverse of a thrust.