Coco In A Bikini Loves America The Most

While the rest of sat around honoring those who paid the ultimate sacrifice by drunkenly stuffing our America-holes full of beef wrapped in various animal casings, Coco hosted a pool party in Vegas over the weekend and reminded everyone what this great nation stands for: Huge fake tits on a woman whose body surprisingly exists outside of a cartoon. No, really, if this was WWII, fighter pilots would painting Coco on the side of their planes which would’ve really distracted the Nazis because they could’ve sworn they were the ones fighting for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed master race. Which is why I propose we tell all the troops in Afghanistan that Al Qaeda wants to blow up Coco and they’ll convert everyone to Christianity/harvest all the oil/drop enough bombs to make weapons manufacturers stupid rich/whatever the fuck the mission is over there anymore wrapped up by Wednesday. And to everyone thinking, “Wait, you want us to lie to them?” oh, now you’re concerned?

On that note, a sincere thanks to those who laid down their lives in service, and whether you fought and died only to see America casually toss young men and women into a meat grinder for bullshit purposes without once looking back at your sacrifice and thinking, “My god, is it worth it?” or ended up in said meat grinder, you deserve better than what our swinging dick country with its blind jingoistic patriotism has become. Really sorry about that.