Limerick Poems About Fathers | Father Limerick Poems

He walks into the room each day at six
As around their Dad all five children mix
He smiles at them with glee
Meantime he sneers at me
So I get prepared to take all his licks
“What have you been doing all day?” he asks
No appreciation for all my tasks
“Washed clothes and changed diapers
Don’t need any gripers”
This insensitive father wears two masks
Each morning his breakfast is served on time
Later, vodka collins are served with lime
He never shops for food
Says my cooking’s no good
And when he bathes, the tub is filled with grime
My Mom said, “Men just work from sun to sun,
But a woman’s housework is never done”
I found a new game plan
A hearty, handsome man
Together, my husband we could outrun
May 25, 2012
*Entry for David’s 3 H contest

There once was a sailor named Popeye
He got through the navy with one eye
Wherever he sailed
The dames would all hail
They knew Popeye was not a bad guy
Popeye you know had a sweetie
A long legged gal not to meaty
Olive Oyl was her name
Popeye's love was insane
For his love was always entreaty
The trouble you know was called Bluto
A very strong sailor who knew judo
He was after the girl
That made his head twirl
For he felt they made quite a duo
Popeye was not very happy
He spoke to his father name Pappy
Pappy said to him son
Get rid of the bum
You don't want to lose and feel crappy
Popeye was really quite angry
He was really upset and cranky
So he took his old friend
Tied him up in a bend
Walked away a proud and true Yankee

To the proud parents, Anna and Theo
A serious lad, silent and thorough
A clan of preachers
And dealers of art
From the southern Netherlands came Van Gogh
When sent to school, he did not want to go
The separation led to much sorrow
But he learned to draw
Whatever he saw
Sent off to sell art in Paris, Van Gogh
His happiest time, and now in love, oh
Till the landlady’s daughter told him no
Now a broken heart
Surly to sell art
Fired from his job in Paris, Van Gogh
Vincent sought out a coal miners’ burrow
A priest of sorts, but a squalid fellow
The church was appalled
And cursed his resolve
To the asylum for crazy Van Gogh?
His father baffled, on the verge of foe
Art interest, once again, began to grow
Back to school again
This time, in His name
To paint in the service of God, Van Gogh
School’s out, back to his parents he would go
Using neighbors as subjects to ditto
Proposed to his cousin
Which she found disgustin’
Burning his hand to see her, holy Van Gogh!?!
Now off to The Hague, a family furlough
To live with Sien, a boozing bimbo
A man to see ya…
Caught gonorrhea
Three weeks in the hospital for Van Gogh
The pain of loneliness drove him back home
Once again, a failed love with fair Margot
Then Vincent’s father died
He grieved deeply inside
The tragedy further refined Van Gogh
Finally, Vincent’s work was in the know
“The Potato Eaters” made an art show
Just add more color
Said his dear brother
Rubens brightened the dark gloom of Van Gogh
Vincent’s diet: coffee and tobacco
Mixed with absinthe began to take its toll
Though he kept on painting
Then Paris, more training
The end was getting closer for Van Gogh
The masters: Monet, Degas, Pissarro
Cezanne, and Seurat in his studio
Influenced his style
Learning all the while
That time was running out for MrVan Gogh
Then he moved to Arles, bad health in tow
Completing great works the whole world would know
“Sunflowers” (in vase)
“The Café Terrace”
Minus one ear, the frail, ailing Van Gogh
With his tattered mind, and mournful woe
Committed to the asylum, Mausole
With his final works
“The Church at Auvers”
“Starry Night” was painted in pain, Van Gogh
“At Eternity’s Gate”, he was sorrow
Wandered into a field, farmer’s fallow
Put a bullet in his chest
In hopes of peaceful rest
“The sadness will last forever”, Van Gogh

There once was an old man from Thomaston
Who said old rats like cheese like young rats, son
~~My favorite shoes sport rat~~
~~Who eats chunk cheese where he sat~~
Constant reminder of old man with pun
(About a year before my father died at age 96,
we went to a funeral and a lady of about 38 to 43
years old escourted him from the family car to the
cemetery..The farther they walked the more he
leaned into her..My husband said something to him
about it..He said old rats like cheese just like young
rats..I found a pair of pj with shoes with the rat and
cheese..Always a reminder of my father..)

The bride-to-be set the time and the date.
Now she is the one an hour and half late
The wedding guests are curious.
The bride’s father is furious.
The wedding is now on overtime rate.
For contest "My Cousin's Wedding"

He proposed, wanted me to be his wife
But I knew his son would cause too much strife
A grown man with no goals
His father he controls
I gently said, “No, I want a good life.”
In bed he lies, playing video games
“No work to be found,” this lazy son claims
Blames the economy
Acts irresponsibly
Sticks to his avatars; I use friends’ names
*Entry for the Deal Killer contest

February 29, 2016
Written by Gail DeBole
A man born into a world of scams
Had a father adept at flim-flam.
He lived by what he was taught
Until the day he was caught
By police who out-flimflammed his scam.

My fathers’ cute little words and sayings,
Like, that is just for the birds, in lashings.
Akumpucky in way,
Epigutis he’d say.
My father was big man in displaying.
.
Akumpucky was cream or compound.
Epigutis was the disease he found.
His words were so very cute.
You would never try dispute.
Powerful man would win any round.
Written for
Sponsor Francine Roberts
Contest Name My Parent

To borrow there are rules to be checked
to show your father respect
You should be real polite
which would only be right
and to ask his ok is correct.
But his son ignored that tradition
Used the car on his own volition
When involved in a wreck
He replied what the heck
I’d rather have forgiveness than permission!
His son learned the hard way that day
That’s all that I need to say
He’s one of the fools
Who won’t follow the rules
In the long run it's him that will pay.

There was a young man called Otto
Who ate a naan in Father Christmas’s grotto
While Anna sat on his knee
At eye level Santa could see
Otto ate his naan not caring a jotto
Palindromes are
Otto
Level
Naan
Anna
Owen Yeates

Growing up with my grandparents wasn’t so great,
Having to hold onto so much weight.
While my mother was “at school”,
And my father acting like a fool,
I only hoped someone could open the gates.
At some point my mother came back,
But there was something that I lack.
When I tried to let out my voice,
She saw it only as noise,
And in return she gave me a smack.
She forced me to move out of the house,
I was running around like a mouse.
Burning plant was used to let herself loose,
Alcohol was her form of abuse,
The pillows were quickly douse.
My father quickly came and picked me up,
However, I was still down in the dumps.
After the therapies and baker-act,
I was still abstract.
Taking anti-depressants with water in a cup.
That’s when I began to write letters.
And slowly but surely I got much better,
It helped me let out stress,
Just as much as playing chess,
Happiness engulfed me like a sweater.
Now I have exceeded everyone’s expectations,
As they stop and stare at my creations.
They said I wouldn’t make it anywhere,
But now they’re the ones who glare.
A celebration across the nation.

money is not the god that I serve
for faith in the Lord God is not graded on the curve
God is not concerned with man's window dressings
and He doesn't give a damn about what the world finds impressing
just trust in Him and he will give you an abundance of blessings
and your soul He will preserve
money is not the god that I desire
for Father God will give me all that I will require
He looks into the minds and hearts of every man
He wants us to live by the spirit of His commands
and once you become a part of His master plan
the Holy Spirit you will then acquire
money is not the god that I need to develop a relationship
for only through Jesus Christ will I have passage on that heaven-bound ship
and with only a mustard seed of faith
I will be entering through God's pearly gates
and so joyful that I can hardly wait
for my soul will have had such a great trip

There once was an old man from Thomaston
Who said at the young age of ninety-one
Look at that old man try to walk
Walking straddle legged he mocked
One foot in the grave and one slip, he's done

My father said that to me one day
As I was bringing him back to the
Nursing Home after I had carried
Him shopping for the things he
Liked to have one hand at the
Home..He went in at the home
and asked mother, "Do I walk
straddle legged." Mom said,
"I don't think so, why do you
ask?"...

The man I will never know
A shadow
Not even a footstep to follow
No memories to rely
Fainted pictures
No reason to cry
Would I be what I am woe
Useless reasonings
For only God would know
My father has gone, passed from sight
Curse death for he hath won the fight
Why then do I search for thee
A heart broken
My mother crying over me
Dreams are not all they are meant to be
False hope
Knowing it wasn't left to me
Not a son to continue on
A blood linage
Lost forever in a fatherless son

Two Lenses
As I straddle my oak here and now
down below me they’re having a cow
my mother turns white
my father ignites
I survey every yard and say: ”WOW!”
Lament for my oak and much better days
The weather betrays the bend and the sway
Climb up with my saw
(it sticks in my craw)
To cut memories and moments away.

Trump Had Greeted Golf Game
Each time a golf game Trump greeted,
Only way other players he defeated;
Whoop and holler;
His ball is smaller;
Pulled tricks and constantly cheated.
Jim Horn
Still laughing?
Jim Horn
Over ten again so have to add more
to this poem so I can cut and paste
later.
Trump An Idiot That Blooms
Trump became an idiot that does bloom;
And his veracity is in vase in every room;
Hands small do seem;
No features redeem;
Orange hair and fat face makes us fume.
Jim Horn
MrWilliams
My father in law and uncle in law
and brother in law are all railroad
engineers for Missouri Pacific which
is now the Union PacificBrother in
law is only one alive nowThose small
steps set the steps for our fast growing
futureWrite a poem about that.
Jim Horn

SOLOWISE
Traceable son of Adam
Blood-lined to royalty; heir apparent to the throne
He has everything easy for him as he pleases
Amongst different choices, he chose wisdom first
The elders said he was humble and not greedy
Maybe the greedy and the arrogant would have chosen differently
The righteous praises him for his act of righteousness
God admired his spirit of selflessness and simplicity
In such surprise; he was blessed with added gifts
To him who has; more shall be given.
Just as the bird can’t beg for wings to fly
The fish can’t wish to swap water for land
He couldn’t ask for what he already has that is his right
Many would do anything just to be a king’s son
An opportunity the fowl would embrace to be a raven
By being that which we wish; we are satisfied
If not completely; at least to a measurable degree
A bastard born of royalty in royalty blood
If my father is rich, powerful, prosperous and respected
I the son, am the same; I am my father’s son.
Grant me one wish
I will make the one wish no one would
Yet, I asked for that I do not have
To be king, I am the richest
Being king, I am most powerful
Being king, I will need many advisers
Why have so many advisers; when I can have wisdom
Being king guarantees me no wisdom that is mine
To have that I don’t have; I could only ask for it
That in itself is wisdom.
Lordvip

there was a young lad name of squee
whose friend was a teddy named shmee
his neighbor crazy
his mother was hazy
his father just hated that squee
there was a man named jhonny c.
who went on a murderous spree
he often spoke scary
and felt he should carry
the burden of befriending squee
zim is an "invader" from irk
whose completely obsessed with his work
he also is crazy
his robot is CRAZY
i'm happy it's back on t.v.
please don't sue me

There once was a girl named Mary,
And her favorite food was the cherry.
Not chicken or cheese,
Not noodles or peas,
She wouldn’t even eat a berry.
Her mother offered her pie,
But Mary would only cry.
She gave her rice,
She even tried mice,
But Mary would only sigh.
Mary bought 6 kilos of cherry.
Her father started to get weary.
But Mary ate,
Without a wait,
She ate as much as she’d carry.
The cherries took over the house,
There wasn’t even space for a mouse.
They covered each floor,
They broke down the door,
They stained Mary’s favorite blouse.
And sadly, the house broke down,
Then her father announced with a frown:
From now on you’ll eat,
Veggies and meat,
Otherwise in cherries we’d drown.

Cumander-in-Chief Father Trump
Will frack you and leave you a dump
For riches like oil
The Earth he'll despoil
While searching for what's next to hump
Author's note: The "anti-christ" has got my attentionPerhaps this is just a bad joke, and it's not limited to one religion.

Have Always Loved Him
Have always loved him like no other;
As if he is my father or my mother;
Sister maybe,
I might see;
But she gave birth to another brother.
Jim Horn
My son Jamie drowned in the Stillaguamish
River in Washington StateHe was 32 and
this had happened on August 27th, 2005.
That was also our 39th wedding anniversary.
From My son Shawn Horn,
Jamie was my mother and father's son;
Together, many things have always done;
A true friend,
To the end;
I was always glad he was the other one.
Shawn Horn

A onetime hit and unforeseen is this quick crack
a father some time ago in a sour flash back
oh where are life’s sentinels
standing against death’s colonels?
comforting hands, convert it not to a fair sack.

Blocks View of His Feet
Trump not only is total loss but also complete;
Speaks same words several times and will repeat;
Ignorant sign off;
Retarded slightly above,
And big belly does block view of his both feet.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
Bolivia, NC 28422
4385 cdd Pick Pocket Preacher
Thursday August 3, 2017
Volume 18 Number 155
Today's Author: Pastor Bill
Christian Cross Ministries Participant TSfrom Republic, Missouri contributed financially in support of today's cddThank you - PTL! pb
Scripture: Leviticus 19:13
"You shall not cheat your neighbor, nor rob him" NKJV
A Note of interest from Pastor Bill
Our expansion of Cross planting throughout the world has been a wonderful blessingBut along with expansion comes challengesPastor Cosmas from Nairobi, Kenya traveled for us to the Congo planting 2 crosses and experienced major spiritual oppositionHis journey took 3 times longer than planned and spiritual opposition was stiffBut the Lord prevailedTwo Crosses were planted in the Congo "Declaring God's Glory." Upon his return Pastor Cosmas found that his pictures were corruptedJust another example of the opposition from our enemyThe pictures you will see for this Cross were sent during construction and are not the best qualityBut as always "To God Be all the Glory." Please continue to pray for the 90 Crosses --- we are just beginning --- our entire team needs your prayerpb Cross Giving Click Here
Hello, my name is Uwbikiye Jean Pierre with the Church of God, Goma, CongoI was born in a family of eight childrenWe were five boys and three girlsMy father died while I was still young, I am the sixth in our familySo, we were left with my mother, life was difficult and challengingI felt strangled by poverty so I ran away from home when I was fifteen and became a street boyOn the street, I was introduced to drugs, unclean living and stealingThis became my way of life for five years
When I was twenty a preacher came to my home town of Goma with a Christian CrusadeThe street gangs were excitedA large crowd was just what we needed to get drug money by picking pocketsWe all gathered at the crusade and dispersed among the peopleBut for me this day would be differentThis day I heard what the preacher was sayingHe talked of the love of God and he said that love verses hate is a choiceMy life was full of anger, bitterness and hateI had never experienced love in my life
For the first time, I was very attentive to every word the preacher saidIt was as though he was talking only to me amid all the peopleI knew I was there to pick pockets but I couldn't do itThe more I heard the more love filled me until I was overflowingThe preacher reached the end of his talk and asked, "Does anyone want to live this kind of love with Jesus Christ? If so come forward." I rushed forward and gave my life to Jesus.
Local pastors from all over the city were invited to the meetingWe were asked to find a pastor near where we livedI didn't know any of the pastors so I asked around and found one from my local Church of GodIt was close by and I became committed to it.
At first it was not easy for me because my friends tried to pull me back to the street with drugs and stealingBut I was determined not to let go of the love of Jesus
To make a long story short, my friends started calling me the church rat --- meaning the church was everything to me and became my homeI started carrying instruments to different parts of city for crusades, I was helping and participating in every church activity that came alongThe Pastor taught me the skill of carpentry --- he really took me under his wing while mentoring me.
Time came I had to go back to my mother's houseI had to share the love of Jesus with her and my family and ask for forgivenessI walked in a changed man and the entire family received me and joined in loving JesusI met my wife and we were marriedWe started this church two years ago and Jesus has been faithful each step along the way
Thank you, Pastor Bill and Pastor Cosmas, for this CrossIt is so necessary to show our people how much Jesus loved us that He died for us on the Cross.
You can see a picture of Pastor Jean Pierre (on the right) and Pastor Cosmas with this Cross

A bad tempered brat from Nantucket
Drops her phone, but claims that a thief took it
The girl will not calm down
Her swearing makes dad frown
She raises her fist shouting ‘suck it’!
The meaning couldn’t be misconstrued
Her father says just quit your foul mood
She says she trashed her phone -
dropped it on her way home
She’s grounded for lies and being rude
5/20/18

Horn Fourth of July Limerick Series
When the Statue of Liberty was first seen,
We always wondered what she may mean;
A message said;
Knowledge fed,
Even though an adult or maybe a teen.
Had been both hungry as well as miserable;
We now do live in a land that is indivisible;
By God are lead,
In our Bible read;
Now with Him all things are invincible.
When we think that things are not the best,
Know people will always peacefully protest;
Try to endure,
And find cure;
Those with no honor or dignity do detest.
Live in lovely land that is true and tried,
Where fields and plains will be open wide;
Always like singing;
To ears joy bringing,
And am willing to understand either side.
To church is where we all went to pray;
In comfort of presence of God do stay;
Happiness to us give;
A lovely way to live;
With His love we had been swept away.
While I will look at each flowing wave
Below ocean know that there is a grave;
With respect,
We do detect,
Silent soul of my father who God did save.
James Serious Mysterious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet

Gaping Hole In Budget
Went on trip when from reality was escaping,
And to do it up some money was scraping
Finally after I had saved enough and a lot
As usual again ended up getting caught
With bug whole in budget terribly gaping.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
Promised that I would send this to
Kathleen McDonaldShe and I go
to StJames Episcopal and she
used to be an English teacher.
We were together doing grounds
cleanup over the weekendI also
wrote my tree poem for herDon't
have her email address so am
forwarding this to Father Dave so
he can forward it

Her father gave her a burial blot
(Not jewellery or clothes or a yacht!)
When Debbie’s interred low
Will they add a gift bow
Still for now it’s a gift she’ll boycott!
I read this article on-line from the ‘Mirror’ newspaper and I couldn’t resist writing a limerick about it.
I would have loved to see her face when she was told what she had been given!
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/my-dad-bought-burial-plot-11688469
12/27/17

What Is It
What is it that goes through your mind
When your father you cannot find
Has been declared missing in action (MIA)
From this receive no satisfaction
With God in heaven was wined and dined.
James Horn
His body was missing 23 days at sea and
was recognized by laundry markingsIt
was re-buried at sea off of SicilyYou
will always wonder what happened
Autopsy showed that he had a broken
neck and hip from hitting the water.
Intrepid is now in New York harbor
They had a town hall regarding
security between Hillary and Trump
recently on it.

Sue posed nude on the cover of Fforbes
Shocked neighbours saw her massive pink orbs
Her old father went mad
She said "Don’t worry Dad,
You'll feel better once the shock absorbs"
Pure fiction as 'Forbes' is a business magazine
Ff was deliberately used to make the name sound upmarket like the name Audrey FForbes-Hamilton from a British Sitcom 'To the Manor Born'
09-28-17

God We Have To Thank
Was a famous priest named Father Frank;
And when seen how our sad hearts sank;
Loved a lot;
He said not;
God we have to thank for pulling a prank.
There once had been a promising pastor;
Did perturb us by being a big procraster;
Had a feel;
Was ideal;
Became a Methodist and lost his stature.
Father Frank believed in being involved;
Everything around him always revolved;
Great counselor,
We knew for sure;
Found solutions and our problems solved.
Father Frank always knew what God meant;
Be careful who you select for your President;
To my fine friend,
This message send;
Must receive My blessings and also consent.
What Father Frank did was always diligent;
Knew how to handle those being indignant;
Horrible despair,
Would not share;
So he started putting us in a separate tent.
Father Frank can negotiate and communicate;
Should never wait around or have to hesitate;
Never abrupt,
Or ever corrupt;
Sermons are great and you they do educate.
Father Frank likes getting you in the mood
On forehead wears a cross that is tattooed
Best looking priest so others of we shoed.
Father Frank has become a blooming flower,
We love, enjoy and appreciate hour by hour;
When knees do kneel;
How horrible they feel;
In all of our hearts has started a roaring fire.
Father Frank is a fine natural born laugher
Have him at Saint James we would rather;
He has great way,
With words to say;
Love hearing sermons now and hereafter.
What I want to hear is poems do please;
Read them as they continue to increase;
A parable tell,
That is swell;
And hear a sermon about birds and bees.
Jim Horn
.