Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Magic Paint

I’m not going to say the gallon of paint I bought by
accident will give you magical powers.That would be absurd.We all know
magic is make-believe, something we tell our children when we can’t explain why
the sky is blue or how Republicans keep getting control of the House of
Representatives.

So, again, just to be clear.There is no evidence that paint will give you magical powers.

However, if any
paint did grant you magical powers,
it would be this one.It’s from Kelly-Moore,
the most eldritch of paint companies, and it’s from their Mountain View branch,
which sits upon the hellmouth described in Buffy the Vampire slayer.The color (Sky Watch) was the exact color described by BF Skinner when
he planned his behavior modification chamber.

Or, was it the color for training pigeons to guide rockets
into enemy ships?I can never remember.

No, seriously. He was going to use pigeons as a guidance system.

It’s also eggshell, which is kinda shiny and kinda not.So, it’s between
two worlds.

Once again, I make no claims paint will make you fly, become
more attractive, or permanently physically fit.That would be impossible.

OR WOULD IT?

You, after taking the paint. If it really worked, which it totally won't.