The Beauty of a Good Conflict

by Dr. Peggy Banks
“The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of the relationship. “ Cloud & Townsend

When was the last time you heard someone say to you, “We need to talk!” How did it make you feel?

As leaders, many things go through our minds when we hear a boss, colleague, customer or spouse say they would like to discuss something with us. Often times, when I hear those words my mind immediately goes to asking the question, “What have I done wrong?” The very idea of dealing with a conflict and difficult conversation can toss many of us into panic requiring immediate need for escape.

However, there is beauty in having healthy conflict. Good conversations have the opportunity to bring change and growth in our leadership relationships.

Good conversations about conflict:

Reveal God’s Truth in Love.

Cloud & Townsend state in their book, “How to have that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding,” that one of the benefits of a good conversation about conflict is that it preserves love in the relationship. The Apostle Paul encouraged the church in Ephesus and stated positively that by “speaking the truth in love we may grow up into Him”. (Ephesians 4:15)

Empowers and Encourages

Paul empowers the Thessalonians by encouraging them to encourage one another and build each other up (1 Thess. 5:11). When we have that difficult conversation with another person it gives opportunity to make better choices and can challenge us to change in our relationship with God and others.

So, don’t be afraid to have difficult conversations. Take a deep breath and say, “When would be a good time for us to talk?”