Anecdotes of a Hotel Night Auditor

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Luna Made Too Much Food

Luna arrived at 5am again. She noticed that I put out the cereal, breads, muffins, and oatmeal, and then she gave me a sour look.
“Why did you put food out?” She asked in her scolding tone.
“Because I checked-in a guest last night who said he would be leaving by 4:30 this morning. I put out some food with fresh coffee so he could have something to eat before going to the airport.” I said.
“Do you suddenly think I do not know how to put food out early for a guest?” She asked. Well, that sounded a bit stupid.
“Yes Luna, in this case I think exactly that.” I said. Because you weren’t here to do it, stupid.
“You know that I always make food available early for the guests who have to leave early.” She said.
“I have noticed that, but this time you weren’t going to be able to have the food out early enough, so I put it out.” I said.
“How do you know that?” She asked. Holy shit, you rolled over on the stupid side of your bed this morning, didn’t you?
“It’s cold outside. I suggest that you have yourself a hot cup of coffee, and thaw out your brain.” I said.
Luna was insulted by what I said, and shoved her middle finger in front of my face.
“Well, that was rude.” I said. Maybe you can put your head in the microwave instead.
Luna walked into the pantry, and returned five minutes later with a huge tray filled with scrambled eggs. She went back again, and returned with a huge tray of sausage, and an equally huge tray of bacon, followed by sausage gravy.
“I made extra food today. You think that people love you here, but you are not the one making them bacon.” She said, obviously attempting to place her kindness above mine.
“You made too much food.” I said.
“No, I made bacon. Bacon always guarantees a full breakfast room. People can smell the bacon all the way up stairs.” She said.
“We only have nine people in the hotel, and four people already left. You are making too much food.” I informed her.
“It will get busy. It always gets busy after you leave.” She said, stubbornly.
“I wouldn’t count on that.” I said.
“What makes you so sure?” She asked.
“Because one person already checked out, and three people already left for work. That leaves five people left, and I slid a 20% off coupon for the Cracker Barrel next door under everyone’s door.” I said. We don’t have those, but pissing you off is fun for me.
“If people don’t eat my food, I am going to hold you responsible!” She yelled at me.
“You will be unsuccessful, but look at it this way, now you can have a big employee breakfast, and maybe people will pretend to like you for a little while.” I said, followed by my grin that pisses her off.
At that moment, a couple walked into the dining room. Luna was quick to offer them something to eat.
“Hello my loves! I have lots of eggs, sausage, and bacon made just for you!” She said with enthusiasm.
“I think we are just going to grab some coffee, and run out the door. We don’t eat much this early.” The wife said.
Luna was clearly disappointed.
“Okay, I can make you a to go package so that you can eat later.” Luna said, desperately.
“No thank you.” The husband said.
Luna was heart-broken. The couple made themselves some coffee, and left the building.
“You are going to have a long, boring day.” I said.
“I don’t want you talking to me anymore.” Luna said.
“How will you be able to handle having nobody to suck up to today?” I asked with a chuckle.
Luna turned, and went into the pantry, slamming the door behind her. I went back to making sure all of my paperwork was in order, and then read the news until my shift ended.