Phoebe : Well actually you’re the one person I can’t tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.

Chandler : What’s going on?

Phoebe : I think it’s just y’know that I haven’t been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you’re looking for something and you just don’t even see that it’s right there in front of you sipping coffee—Oh no, have I said to much? Well it’s just something to think about. I know I will.

(She makes a show of bending over to get her coat and showing off her bum. She then walks out, leaving no one to eat her cookie.)

[Scene: Chandler’s bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else would it be, duh!]

Ross : Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I’m one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce but—I’m sorry. I, I can’t help but notice you’re naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Chandler and Monica and Rachel and Phoebe are planning their respective strategies to break the other pairing. Joey is not amused.

(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler’s hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)

Phoebe : Ooh.

Chandler : Well, I guess there’s nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.

Phoebe : Here it comes. Our first kiss.

(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)

Chandler : Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can’t have sex with ya!

Phoebe : And why not?!

Chandler : Because I’m in love with Monica!!

Phoebe : You’re-you’re what?!

(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)

Phoebe : I just—I thought you guys were doing it, I didn’t know you were in love!

Joey : Dude!

Chandler : And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.

Phoebe : God! (She turns and buttons up.)

Joey : All right! So that’s it! It’s over! Everybody knows!

Monica : Well actually, Ross doesn’t.

Chandler : Yes, and we’d appreciate it if no one told him yet.

(Joey suddenly gets very angry.)

Ending Credits

[Scene: Ross’s new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.]

Ross : A new place for a new Ross. I’m gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it’s y’know, furnished.

Dr. Ledbetter : I must say it’s nice to see you back on your feet.

Ross : Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.

Dr. Ledbetter : I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?

Ross : Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I—What? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh… What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!