Monday, July 13, 2009

Perhaps I've watched the Village of the Damned too many times but I really find British children to be scary as hell. When I first saw the classic science fiction film based upon the novel The Midwich Cuckoos I didn't know the kids were soul-less mutants. I just thought they were normal private school kids.

From the weirdly misplaced English girl in that United States farm belt town in Superman 2 pleading with Kryptonian criminals for her father to be spared (I mean, why was she there? What awful mission was she undertaking?Couldn't she leave her evil in Britain where it belonged?) and the Empty Child in Doctor Who, popular culture is full of references to inherently evil children from the UK. It says something about a society when all the mainstream entertainment depicts the parents as terrified of their progeny. Maybe being proficient in Latin and having good pronunciation opens the soul to terrible forces that are only exorcised after puberty.

There are rare exceptions of course. Hayley Mills is so darned adorable at any age she has remained pure and untouched by evil.

Hmm....Perhaps she is the reason why all those Brit Kiddies never managed to destroy humanity? A look at the Hayley Mills time line reveals certain facts. While it is difficult and extremely unpleasant to imagine a time before Hayley existed what is clear is that British youngsters have been around causing misery for at least 300 years. Look at the facts: Before Hayley was born there were Nazis, war and famine. After she was born there was no European conflict to speak of, the Reich was in ruins and there were a lot more puppies and flowers around. It all makes perfect and adorable sense.