Build or burn?

Confused about whether you are generation x or y or a millennial? Here’s a handy guide through the generations.

Under 10 – You’re not going to remember any of this

You’ll forget almost everything that happens to you up to age eleven. I guess none of it matters?

Teens – Risk the kiss

You spend your teens ignoring the people you are most attracted to. If you could go back in time and say just one thing to your younger self it is to explain that she is waiting for you to kiss her, stupid.

Twenties – Look what happens to the cool kids

All the cool kids at your school go on to really unimpressive careers. For them, school was the pinnacle of their careers. You wish you could tell all those awkward, weak or ugly-feeling kids that all they need to do is hang on there. The coolest will become embarrassing. The nerdy become powerful. The ugly duckling is a true story.

Thirties – Your boss is an idiot

This is where careers are made or broken. You might not realise it at the time but it is. The way you behave now, and the choices you make, will have a big impact on that promotion later on. Choose wisely.

Forties – You love exercise

Well, well. Who would have thought you would become a fitness buff. Typically, you take up some challenge, like running a marathon or sky-diving, followed inevitably by injury and a trip to the hospital. At the very least you discover the simple joy of going for a walk and decide to inflict it upon the rest of your family.

Fifties – You’re going to die

If you’re going to die early, you’ll get the first whiff of it now. For everyone else, something will go wrong with your health. It will give you just enough of a taster of things to come to make you realise for the first time that you are not going to live forever. And if you are one of the lucky ones to escape this realisation, your parents will give the game away.

Sixties – You don’t have to care any more

The most chilled decade. Whatever your career, it’s too late to do anything to change it now. Same with your kids. You are still fit enough to get out and about. Diet and exercise – wise, you decide to let it all hang out.

Seventies – Hey! You’re not dead yet

All those things like a new car or doing up your house that you put off because you thought you would be dead soon? Well, surprise, surprise. You’re still alive and your clothes look like crap and your house is dilapidating around you. You might also live to regret deciding you are too old for overseas travel, driving and exercise.

Eighties – You decide to be mad

Oh dear! You start believing and saying crazy things. Ideally, you would speak less and listen more but in fact you do the opposite. Your health becomes your dominant topic of conversation. You can’t quite believe you look the way you do.

Nineties – You ask for the pill

That’s it. You’ve had enough. It’s been a blast, but you’d rather not get any shorter, lose any more of your eyesight and hearing, and no longer be in any pain.

100’s – You’re Yoda!

You become wise overnight on your 100th birthday simply for having survived this long. Trouble is you no longer have the leg strength to stand up.