Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

IT STATED AGAIN>>CAN"T TAKE IT

I have been on here off and on and have got some good advice, since my last visit. My b/f has stopped drinking and now after 2 weeks has gone back again?? during that time has not gone to meetings, has done nothing..on ssi he doesn't really have to cause the money keeps coming right?
I have gone through this for 7 yrs. I know i can no longer waste my life on someone who is not only destroying his, but mine as well. you always hear about hitting the botoom, well he has done that many times. It just doesn't seem to matter, He begs for help, then gets it and does it all over again, the Va allows him to just continue this over and over and i wish they could just stop and tell him he is on his own, as it is the taxpayers that pay for all the treatment the abuses. I am so tired off the games he plays, maybe he likes the attention? cannot figure him outout..I try to show affection when he is solber and he never responds, says he has a hard time showing that??? but when drinking he will continue to bring up the fact that we have not been intimet, but he Never hugs me or shows any type of affection and when i hug him, not much responce? doesn't make me feel as though he loves me at all. He blames me and says he does,I think all the drinking has really affected his thinking. I know it is going to be so very hard to leave as i have moved in with him last year and now again have to worry about where i will go and how i will afford to move again. also i have been with him so long, but also know i can't keep this lifestyle up it is insane, and is affectingg me in every way possible. i have so many worries, where do i go, can i afford to leave and god i am afraid of being alone. silly questions i guess. but i guess i am alone here to. any advice, opinions i would appreciate it.

im sorry you are going thru all this, i can only tell you that hes not going to stop if he doesnt either go to rehab and go to meetings after he gets out or if he does it on his own and goes to meetings. He has to want to do this himself. My mother is an alcoholic and stops from time to time but she wont stop unless she deep down wants to, she even lost me and my brother and still doesnt care. i hope he becomes sober and stay sober!! i wish the best for both of you!!

Hitting bottom is different for everyone. Hitting bottom is when you have nobody, nothing and no place to go. And yes, with SSI he will continue to get the money. And he's NOT sober...if he stops drinking for a few days or weeks and does NOTHING else, he is just &quot;dry&quot;. Sober means working a program and turning your life around. Mentally, physically and spiritually. When he quits drinking for a few days he is MISERABLE and does not feel affectionate. Got news for you...if he went to AA and starting a program don't expect him to be affectionate for months. This is NOT easy. When my 1st husband went through treatment and starting working a program he did 90 meetings in 90 days. He worked with a sponsor. He was with AA people more than me. And I felt pushed aside. And that is HOW it has to be to get &quot;sober&quot;. And yes, drinking HAS affected his mind. If it is possible...go to an Alanon meeting. And take one thing at a time. And answer all those questions you brought up. And sadly, he loves only one thing now...booze. As I've said on here before...addicts/alcoholics in active addiction do not love..they take hostages.

Well Lynn has hit it straight on. The active addict will play the blame game and try and tell you it's because of you.If you can get out and move on from this destruction before it sucks the life out of you please do it.It is not an easy road,I too use to feel lonely after I threw my ex-out, but it was a hell of alot better than all the turmoil he brought down on me and my two boys.Think of yourself cause he is only thinking about himself. There is no room for you just him and his addiction. Good luck and we are all here to help.

that totally sucks. I feel for you, I do. I wish I knew the answer..(i have felt the same way many times) but just know that I care and I am sorry that you have to deal with. Look within yourself and decide what is the right thing for you. you are the only one who can make that decision.

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