Of Kings & Bicycles and Lonely Letters…

I’m pumping up the tires, lubing up the chain, tightening the brakes, adjusting the seat, cleaning the streamers and putting new clothes pegs on the playing cards attached to the back wheel. In other words, I’m gonna try rolling this bike out into the world again and see if it’s true what they say about riding a bike…….

…riding a bike, it’s worth two in the bush.

Get your reading hats cleaned, de-crust your eyeballs, spit clear the phlegm that has long clogged your laugh tunnels, lo these many months. For tis I, lord…… wow, phlegm is a funny word. I mean seriously if they tried to spell it any weirder I don’t think they could. You’ve got the whole “PH” pronounced “F” thing going on as if that’s not enough they have to just pull a random “G” out of thin air and plop it right down in the hindquarters of the word.

Makes no sense, why stop there? Why not institute some arbitrary rule whereby all the letters of the alphabet get used equally, we could have random, silent “Q’s” dropped in here and there, how about the “X” hardly ever gets a work out, well fear not, t’will all be averaged out by the random placement of these new silent letters added to ever word.

People are far too complacent about their command of spelling as it is, what we need right now is a right jolly good rogering, and the best way to keep our language fresh and alive, not to mention combating all this shortened “texting” nonsense is to add far far more “Q’s and X’s” to everything.

Come on, stand up for something, give meaning to your miserable life and help make us the linguistic equivalent of that cheese you used to be able to buy that came in a tube, it opened in the middle and you could just squeeze it out onto your cracker, or more likely right into your mouth…