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Friday, August 30, 2013

Having
just purchased a 3DS XL I’ve been going on and on about how Nintendo seems to
understand handheld consoles better than anyone else.Well they just made an announcement that
surprised just about everyone.The 2DS
is like a 3DS without a hinge and without the 3D feature.It’s actually quite brilliant.

The
3DS and 3DS XL aren’t cheap.If a
younger gamer wants to get a hold of one it is going to hit their parents right
in the wallet.On top of that, while the
3DS is pretty sturdy that hinge can break.Nintendo just announced a cheaper, sturdier version of their game system
to make sure they have the market sealed up.The only thing it doesn’t have is the 3D feature.Since I’ve owned my 3DS XL I’ve only turned
the 3D on two or three times and even then it was quickly turned back off.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Last
week Michael May and Siskoid ran a top 10 list of his their top 10 giant
monsters.Oneof
the rules when creating this top ten is that robots aren’t monsters and would
require their own top 10 list.Just like
last week I had to get in on the action, so today we’re going to be talking
giant robots.We are also including
mecha into this list, figuring that giant machines controlled by pilots are
going to be close enough to robots that it will still count.Make sure you check out Michael’s AdventureBlog today for a list of other blogs participating in today’s robot
countdown.

10.
Voltron

I
was going to use the Vehicle version of Voltron just to enrage a friend of
mine, but the majority of people who recognize the name Voltron immediately
think of the lion version when they hear that name.There is a good reason for that to, the Lion
Force robot is extremely cool looking.So you’re asking if Voltron is iconic and has such a great design why is
he only number 10 on the list?It’s because
watching a Voltron cartoon is excruciatingly boring.All the archetypes are there, but nothing
interesting is ever done with it. That makes it even worse, it has such potental to be amazing and it's just bland. I’m
including all the re-launches in that statement too.

9.
Emperor Titans (Warhammer 40K)

No
setting in existence does over the top better than the Warhammer 40K
universe.The armies of man have giant
war machines called Titans, the largest of these are the Emperor Titans.Standing 166 feet tall the Emperor Titan towers
over everything else on the battle field.As you’d expect the Titan is loaded down with weapons with equally over
the top names like Hellstorm Cannons, Apocalypse Missle Launcher’s, and Vulcan
Mega Bolters.I almost forgot to mention
that it carries a cathedral dedicated to the God-Emperor on its shoulders. It's a massive warmachine and a walking church.

8.
Liberty Prime (Fallout 3)

If
you remember the Journey of Thall Faceshooter you know I had a great time
playing through Fallout 3.There are
some issues with the setting of the game when compared to the rest of the
series; some of the lore just doesn’t
fit as well.Liberty Prime though is
awesome.Originally built to liberate
Anchorage, Alaska from the Red Chinese this robot was dug up by the Brotherhood
of Steel.Liberty Prime eventually is
set upon the Enclave and causes massive destruction by shooting dual energy beams
from his head and throwing mini-nukes like footballs.All the time he’s wrecking face he says
things like “Communism is the very definition of failure,” and “Democracy is
non-negotiable.”

7.
Volfogg (GaoGaiGar)

One
of the Super-AI robots in the GGG is the definition of cool.His vehicle form is a police Ferrari and his
robot form is pretty much a ninja.He carries
tow Silver Moon throwing blades that can be combined to form a giant throwing
star known as the Silver Cross.He is
also equipped to create holograms, create smoke screens, and to use his Mirror
Coating to turn invisible.When he needs
a power upgrade he can join with a non intelligent motorcycle and helicopter to
form Big Volfogg.He looks significantly
less ninja-like when it Big Volfogg mode though.

6.Lockdown (Transformers)

Transformers
Animated introduced one of the coolest Transformers of all time.It’s heavily implied that this faction-less
bounty hunter was once an Autobot.Lockdown has a habit of collecting trophies from his prey, usually it’s
a weapon or upgrade that he can use for himself.This is how he came to own Ratchet’s EMP
generator.Lockdown’s alt form is a
nasty spiked racecar with an exposed engine block and a cow-catcher on the bumper.Oh and in the cartoon he is voiced my Lance
Henricksen.

5.
Megas XLR

With
a theme song that told the world that “Chicks dig giant robots,” it was obvious
that Megas XLR was going to be different than most cartoons.Produced by Titmouse, Inc, Megas XLR only
lasted one season (just like their amazing cartoon Motorcity).In the future the Earth is losing a war with
an alien race called the Glorft. The humans steal a prototype giant robot and modify
for our use.Megas and its pilot Kiva
are going to be sent into the past hoping they can stop the invasion.All sorts of craziness happens. Megas is damaged and sent to the wrong time. The
damaged Megas is found in present day by Coop , who repairs the robot and replaces the damaged head with a muscle
car. He calls the robot XLR.Kiva finds Megas but is unable to
pilot it anymore because of Coop’s modifications.Megas XLR makes fun of every giant robot
trope in existence and then moves on to anime tropes in general.The series was smart and funny as all
hell.

4.
Iron Giant

Iron
Giant is the best Superman movie ever made.If you haven’t seen it you should stop reading right now and go see
it.Nothing else really needs to be said
about it.

3.
Veritech (Macross/Robotech)

The
VF-1 Valkyrie is a classic.It goes from
from jet mode, to guardian more, to battloid.There are numerous different versions just in the first series
alone.The design has been copied
across all different sorts of media.Roy Focker’s Veritech looks the best of course.The black and yellow scheme stand out on the
white body and the skull squadron symbol just makes the whole thing look cool. The Robotech cartoon had a huge impact on me when I was a kid and this design will be with me forever.

2.
Springer (Transformers)

I’ve
talked numerous times about Springer on That F’ing Monkey.My all time favorite Transformer.In the cartoon he was a sarcastic asshole who
got shit done.In the comics he’s the
lead of the Wreckers.Springer is named
because he’s legs are so powerful that he is able to leap across
battlefields.Considering he also turns
into a helicopter you wouldn’t think that would be an issue. He goes from sports car, to helicopter, to bad ass. This triple changer first debuted in the Transformers
movie and I’ve been obsessed with him ever since.

1.
GaoGaiGar

GaoGaiGar
could be placed on the top of this list for his theme song alone.For those unfamiliar with this awesomeness
let me explain what it takes to transform into GaoGaiGar.A cyborg leaps into a giant robot lion's
mouth.This causes the lion to transform
into the robot GaiGar.That robot is
then joined by a drill tank, a bullet train, and a stealth fighter.All four of these machines then take on the
form of GaoGairGar.You want a giant
robot anime that takes it over the top? This is it. GaoGaiGar
protects the world from the Zonder threat and while I had just mentioned his
basic transformation as the series went on he was outfitted with more equipment to
battle the aliens.The most famous is
probably his Goldion Hammer, a gigantic hammer that contains an artificial gravity
well. Another robot had to be introduced so it could turn into an arm attachment strong enough to even hold the hammer. Most of the foes GaoGaiGar faces
end up be completely disintegrated.There
is a reason GaoGaiGar is the King of the Braves.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Today
we’re going to talk about one of my favorite movies ever, The Warriors.It all started with a workplace discussion on
movie remakes when I complained that since VHS/DVD/Blu-ray that it’s rare for
movies to be re-released anymore.I didn’t
want to see someone else make their version of a movie I loved; I want to see
the movie I loved in a theater setting.It was after saying that I remembered one of the independent theaters in
my area did rescreen classic movies and they put up their schedule months in
advance.So way back in June I saw that
on August 27th I saw the Enzian Theater was showing The Warriors.I didn’t wait, I didn’t see who else could go
with me, I bought four tickets immediately.

I’d
never seen the movie in a theater.My
first introduction to the movie was through HBO.The film print was grainy and scratchy but
that just seemed to add to the whole experience.The theater was sold out, so I wasn’t the
only one excited to see the movie.Before the movie started there was a small talk about the other movies
coming to their cult classic showings and then some basic trivia about The
Warriors. I won't really go into the movie itself, there is a lot about it I want to say and sadly I don't have the time to do that today.

I
couldn’t even begin to guess at how many times I’ve seen this movie.Besides the countless times I’ve seen it on
television, there was a long period of my life without cable.I watched a lot of DVDs then and The Warriors
was one of the movies that was always in my rotation.It was different last night.Sharing the experience with people was
amazing.Seeing the movie’s surreal
characters on the giant screen just made me happier than I can really
express.

If
you haven’t seen the movie the movie I want to give a quick word of
warning.There are two versions of the
movie out; the original version and the Ultimate Director’s Cut.Stay as far away from the Director’s Cut as
you can.That version adds horrible
zooms and freezes in addition to changing some scenes into comic book panels
complete with thought bubbles.The
additions slow down the movie and actually break the tension in most
scenes.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

While
I was working yesterday I heard my music cut out for a second and then jump to
the next song.Paranoid I reached over
to my faithful iPod and clicked back to the song was just playing.It cut out again in the same place and then
jumped to the next song.I was bothered,
but I was content to listen to the song that was currently playing.It played perfectly.The next song stopped around the halfway mark
and jumped to the one after that.There
was a sick feeling in my gut.

I’ve
been teased before at work because my iPod has been with me for so long.Every day when I get into work I grab a cup
of coffee and I hook my iPod up to a set of speakers.My 40 gig, 4th generation iPod.The music player is almost 9 years old now
and has close to 7,000 songs on it.Every once in a while I get asked why I haven’t upgraded to a new one,
but I never saw the point.The classic
was doing everything I needed it to.Now
that’s starting to change.I’d say 1 in
every 10 songs played is choppy or skips.I can manage but I know the end is coming.

The
real killer for me is that there isn’t a good replacement for what I have.I got almost 9 years out of this one so I
have no problem sticking with Apple, but they aren’t making it easy for
me.I have almost 30GB of music.I don’t need to run apps or watch movies; I
just want a music player.I’d need 2
iPod nanos to carry what I have now.At
150 each that isn’t going to happen.The
32Gb iPod touch costs 300 too.Besides
that the touch is full of things I don’t need.That brings us back to the iPod Classic.

The
Classic.The device that launched the
line only comes in one version now, the 160GB.That’s 5 times more than I really need and it’s 250 dollars.Sure if it lasts 10 years that 250 will seem
like a great deal, but right now it seems like a lot of money for more storage
than I need.I’m not going to do
anything while my old Classic still functions, but the whole idea of it no
longer working just makes me sad.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Yesterday
our good friend Michael May ran a top 10 list of his favorite giant monsters
over at his Adventure Blog.After
reading his list I knew I wanted to play along and started making my own
list.The first couple were easy, but it
was harder than I thought it would be.What constitutes as a giant monster, how big does the monster have to
be?Does Jaws count?The shark’s size is so inconsistent in Jaws 3
I think that argument could be made.How
about the Zentradi from Robotech?Being
able to add Khyron to the list would certainly alter the results.

The
other big note to add here is that Michael made it a point to mention that he
isn’t including giant robots because that should be a separate list.He’s right and sometime next week I’m going
to post up my top ten favorite giant robots.

10.
Alligator (Alligator, 1980)

I
was still living in Detroit when I first saw this movie. I know I was very
young when I saw it, so it must have been on HBO or something.An alligator is flushed down the New York
sewer where it ends up eating the carcasses of animals that were test subjects
of a growth formula.Of course the
alligator becomes a giant eating machine and eventually escapes the sewers.A fun movie, but the alligator makes the list
because of one scene that is forever burned in my memory.There is this kid’s party and the party goers
are going to force one of the kids into the pool.None of them know the gator is hiding in the
pool.I don’t think I’m giving anything
away by saying it doesn’t end well for the kid.

9.
Giant Gila Monster (The Giant Gila Monster, 1959)

I
might love this movie more than the actual monster.The special effects are mostly a real gila
monster walking through scale models.It’s
fun, but hardly enough to make it on the list.The movie stars Don Sullivan as a mechanic and hot rod racer with a
heart of gold.There are French girls,
younger sisters in need of surgery, and a bizarre subplot with a disc
jockey.The whole experience borders on
surreal, which is why I’m always happy when I see it.

8.
Mothra

First
appearing in 1961 Mothra is the most famous of the good kaiju.Mothra is pretty amazing because the
character is so different that most other kaiju. Mothra first appeared in her own movie before
joining the other Toho kaiju in Godzilla’s movies.Usually once a monster joins Godzilla’s
stable they are stuck with him.Mothra
is the only monster to get her own movies after being in Godzilla’s.All of
this is well and good, but I’d be lying if I said these were the reasons I
liked Mothra.No, it’s all because of
the Tiny Beauties.These little ladies
(seriously they are tiny) speak for Mothra. They were originally played by Japanese twin
singers The Peanuts.

7.
Rancor (Star Wars)

You
weren’t expecting Star Wars were you?First, let’s forget all the Expanded Universe here.I’m not worried about Dathomir or their
witches, this is about the big monster under Jabba’s palace.The beast fed on anyone foolish enough to
cross Jabba and stand on his trap door.The
first time it stepped out of the shadows it was amazing.We all know how a meddling Jedi killed this
poor beast, but the Rancor’s few scenes still made a big enough impact on me to
put him on this list.A while back during the Tamagotchi craze there
were Star Wars versions.The Rancor ate
Gamorians for food and dancing girls as treats.

6.Thresher Maw (Mass Effect)

Picture
the scene.You’re Commander Shepard
responding to a distress beacon on a planet’s surface.You’re driving across a big stretch of desert
when the whole ground starts rumbling.There is a scream, your vehicle is tossed into the air, and you’re
facing a giant snake/insect thing that spits acid.One of Shepard’s histories can even be tied
to humanity’s first run in with a thresher maw.In Mass Effect 3 you even run into Kalros, the legendary thresher maw known
as “the mother from which all other thresher maws spawn.”I realize they are very similar to the sand
worms in Dune, but I prefer this version.

5.
Godzilla

King
of the Monsters and Godzilla only ranks number five?I realize I’m strange.If we’re talking cultural impact or
importance to a genre Godzilla would be hard to not place at number one.But this list is talking about my favorites
and the big guy is at number five.If it
wasn’t for his iconic roar I might have even place him lower, but every time I
hear that noise I just smile.I also
want to point out here if you’ve never actually watched the first Godzilla
movie I really recommend you do.It is a
far deeper movie than just a guy in a rubber suit knocking over buildings.

4.
King Kong

A
giant monkey falls in love with a beautiful woman.It’s the story of my life; minus the dinosaur
fighting and building climbing.I love
both the original and the latest remakes for different reasons.What’s not to love about his movies?You can watch Kong stomp on people, crush them
between his teeth, and still for sorry for him as he falls to his death.Kong is a classic in the truest sense of the
word.

3.
SpaceGodzilla (Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla 1994)

My
top three giant monsters are probably going to be vastly different from most
peoples.I prefer SpaceGodzilla to the
original.So some of Godzilla’s cells get
sent into space; either from Biollante or from Mothra. Once these cells are in
space they enter a black hole, become altered, and returns out of a white
hole.SpaceGodzilla looks like a blue
version of Godzilla with giant crystals growing out of his shoulders.SpaceGodzilla has all over Godzilla’s powers
plus a new set granted by the crystals.There is also no doubt that SpaceGodzilla is evil to the core.I love his look, I love his powers, and I
love SpaceGodzilla.

2.
Mighty Joe Young (Mighty Joe Young 1949)

Is
this one cheating?Joe should be about 12
feet tall, is that a big enough gorilla to be considered a giant?Anyway, Mighty Joe Young is on my list as
more enjoyable than King Kong.I know it’s
blasphemy.Traveling to Africa to find
animals a smooth talking business man meets up with a beautiful woman and her
giant trained gorilla.They take them
all back to the states where the craziest nightclub ever is opened.There are lions and running around in glassed
off areas.The club is amazing.Joe is turned into a spectacle.He ends up getting drunk, fighting the lions,
and trashing the club.Then it’s a race
to get Joe back to Africa before the police kill him.There are car chases, a burning orphanage,
and actor Ben Johnson (one of the best cowboys ever).This is one of my favorite movies of all time
and I had to include Mr. Joe Young on the list.

1.
Gamera

I’ve
said it on this site before, Gamera is my favorite giant monster.He’s a fire breathing giant turtle that can
fly by pulling his legs in and shooting jets of fire out his leg holes.It’s no surprise that Gamera was created by a
rival film studio trying to cash in on the Godzilla craze.The series became more popular with children
as it went, so the original run of movies (1965-1971) get sillier as they
go.The second run of movies (1995-1999)
are simply amazing.Seriously if you
like giant monster movies you need to see them.How much do I love Gamera?I own
the original Japanese run, the 90s reboot, and the MST3K Gamera box set.MST3K was the reason I was introduced to
Gamera and I’m forever thankful to them and Sandy Frank for bring Gamera to
America.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Somehow
Sharknado became an overnight sensation.People were talking about it everywhere and it got better ratings every
time Syfy aired it.Somehow it was
absurd enough to catch on where other movies like Pirannahconda failed.I think I’ve seen every one of Syfy’s
original monster movies.The CGI is bad,
the acting is worse, and I love every wretched second of it.Tonight is the premiere of Ghost Shark.

I’m
not going to lie; I think the premise is brilliant. I don’t like it ironically
or any of that bullshit either; I genuinely think the core concept of the movie
is a good one.Someone there is a
spectral shark out there that can only attack people in water.Pools, bathtubs, rain; no where wet is safe. If someone doesn’t get attacked while sitting
on the toilet I’m going to be disappointed.I’ve avoid the how and why the
shark is a ghost because I’m eager to see how the movie handles it.

The
movie stars Mackenzie Rosman and Dave Randolph-Mayhem Davis but I’m far more
excited to see that Richard Moll is in it.Moll is best known as Bull from the old TV show Night Court.He was also in the movie House as Big Ben and
the voice of Norman from the Mighty Max cartoon.You might not remember the Might Max cartoon,
but let me tell you, Norman was THE SHIT.Moll is playing what appears to be a lighthouse keeper who I am sure is
going to be all sorts of surly.

While
it isn’t Ghost Shark related I also want to mention that we’ll be getting two
Sharktopus sequels in the future.Sadly
Syfy didn’t take any of my ideas, but I’m still holding out for that animated
series pitch.Instead we’ll be getting
Sharktopus versus Pteracuda and Sharktopus versus Mermantula.I don’t know if there is a way to express
that and not sound like I’m joking.I’m
honestly thrilled and I can’t wait to own the whole Sharktopus trilogy.I’ve never wanted to be an actor, ever, but I
wish I could be in a Sharktopus movie.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The
Pixies reunited and started touring back in 2004.They released a new song “Bam Thwok” and
contributed a song to the Warren Zevon tribute album.As they continued to play their fans wondered
if there was a new Pixies album in the works.In interviews Frank Black stated that it was Kim Deal who was against
recording a new album.Deal announced
leaving the band back in June of this year.Two weeks later the band released the song “Bagboy” as a free song on
their website.

In
July the band announced that Kim Shattuck, the guitarist and vocalist of The
Muffs will be replacing Kim Deal on the Pixies current European tour.There hasn’t been any confirmation on if a
new album is in the works or not, but if Kim Deal was the only holdout one has
to think we’ll be seeing some sort of announcement soon. Until then, enjoy "Bagboy" and remember that you can go to the Pixies homepage to download the song for free.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

While
he is more famous for Axe Cop, I’m a huge fan of Ethan Nicolle’s web comic
Bearmageddon.I wrote briefly about it
last year when I made a cameo appearance.If the name doesn’t give it away, Bearmageddon is about bears attacking
humanity.There is a lot more to it of
course, there are mutant bears and other things going on, but when you boil it
down to the basics it’s about bears attacking people.This past week it seems like Bearmageddon is
closer to reality than anyone thought.

In
the past week there have been seven different bear attacks.They aren’t just happening in one area
either, these attacks happened in five different states.The attack getting the most attention is that
of a 12 year old Michigan girl who was out jogging when she was attacked.The girl played dead as the bear attacked
her.It left scratches on her face and
deep gashes on her legs that required stitches, but she survived the
ordeal.She quickly made it to a neighbor’s
house and was able to get medical attention. The attack in Alaska had the victim waiting in the wilderness for 36 hours before he could be picked up for medical attention. The news is reporting that he is currently in stable condition. There aren't many details in that attack, but I have to wonder which did more damage; the initial attack or going so long without any help.

Bear
fatalities in North America are actually pretty rare.Attacks like the ones happening this week are
more common.Sure the clawing and biting
may not be enjoyable for the victim, it isn’t usually fatal.Bear attacks are on the rise, but considering
their habitat is shrinking that is hardly surprising.So why have there been so many bear attacks
this week?Partly because everyone is on
vacation; most of the attacks have been on campers, hikers, and hunters.Who would have thought?If you go looking for nature it just might
find you instead.

Friday, August 16, 2013

We
take a break from all the video game talk this week to talk about Nerf.Nerf comes up from time to time on That F’ing
Monkey because we love Nerf guns.I used
to keep a blaster in my desk drawer at work just in case a Nerf fight broke
out.I had a huge Nerf arsenal when I
was a kid.The Nerf releases that we’re
looking at today aren’t meant for me.You see this fall Nerf will be releasing the Rebelle line of blasters, a
line advertised directly at a female audience.

With
their neon colors I never really thought of Nerf as a gender specific toy, but
it makes sense that Hasbro wants to capture the female market.The Rebelle line is made up of mostly new
blasters, so they aren’t just repainting last year’s line pink and calling it a
day.It seems like the two items they
are pushing the hardest will be a bow and a crossbow, so it looks like they are
trying to cash in on the Hunger Games fueled interest in archery.

The
bow is called the Heartbreaker Bow.Nerf
has a long history with bows and I still remember the one I had as a kid.At that time the bow fired large foam arrows,
this new version fires “collectible darts”.The collectable darts appear to be Elite darts repainted.The darts have different color schemes and/or
graphics and all have pink tips.The
Heartbreak Bow will be available in Phoenix (purple) and Vine (blue) versions.

The
Guardian Crossbow is a bit of a letdown for me.The original Nerf crossbow was one of the best blasters ever made.It could fire the larger arrow darts and
mini-darts.I the Guardian was a version
of this crossbow I would have bought one, regardless of the color.Instead the Guardian can hold up to six
collectible darts and can be single fired or slam fired.Slam firing is when you hold the trigger down
and repeatedly prime the blaster.Each
time you prime a dart automatically fires.

The
Pink Crush is a strange gun.The large
pink piece at the end of the barrel mimics the arms of a crossbow but can be
removed if they are getting in the way.The rest of the body looks like a Nerf Firestrike with the flashlight
removed.It’s a single fire blaster with
a ten dollar price point, so it’s meant to be one of the cheaper entries into
the line. This is just your standard Nerf blaster, so it's a little boring compared to the other offerings.

The
Sweet Revenge is the most interesting of the Rebelle lineup.The Sweet Revenge is the exact same gun as
the Zombie Strike Hammershot, it’s just repainted to fit the rest of the
Rebelle line.The gun holds five darts
and actually use hammer-action to prime the dart.You can hold the gun in one hand, use your
thumb to pull back the hammer, and then fire.This is huge because on all the other non-motorized Nerf guns you would
need a free hand to pull back the primer.There is no word on whether or not you can fan the hammer like on a real
single action revolver.The Sweet
Revenge is going to be sold in a kit that comes with a holster and sunglasses.

The
smallest of the guns is the Sneak Attacker.It will actually be sold in the Power Pair blaster set.So for thirteen dollars you get a tiny
blaster for you and a friend.That’s
Nerf’s initial lineup for the Rebelle line.I hope it does well for them because Nerf should be enjoyed by everyone. What do you think ladies? Does this make you want a new Nerf gun?

Thursday, August 15, 2013

I
get these ideas that won’t go away.Stupid, silly things that keep me awake at night.I’m not talking important things either.I still have to worry about things like
mortgages, 401ks, and college plans but those things don’t tend to consume my
brain like the trivial nonsense does.The worst thing is that most of these ideas are for things that I
couldn’t possibly bring to life, like ideas for video games or sequels to the
Cannonball Run franchise.Lately I can’t
stop thinking about a video game based on the music video for “The Safety
Dance.”

I know that sounds really strange.The video
came out in 1983 and was a one hit wonder.Why would I want an entire video game based on it?Because it all works so extremely well.Let’s start with the basic premise.We have a generic feudal society and since we
need to have some conflict we’re going to say the land is ruled by a series of
corrupt nobility that heavily tax and mistreat their subjects.You are in control of three characters that
are fighting this oppression.But this
would be more about stealing from the nobles than it would be engaging their
army in warfare.

Stealth
would be huge.Think the Thief series,
borrow heavily from Assassins Creed, and then add music.The team consists of a singer, a dancer, and
a lute player.Causing the right kind of
distractions would be vital in completing your mission.The main character in the video was played by
Men Without Hats front-man Ivan Doroschuk.The dashing rogue would be the best at actual fisticuffs but would also
be able to easily distract any ladies he came across.

The
dancer would be the lightest on her feet, so she’d have the ability to jump
higher and further than the other two.She’d be able to get other town’s people to dance along with her,
causing distractions for the rest of the team.Of course if our singer is distracting the females our dancer is going
to be just as good at distracting the males.
She'd still be useful in combat too. Although she wouldn't be as strong as the singer, her attacks would be much quicker.

Finally
we come to our lute playing jester.Being a little person the jester would be able to slip through opening
that the other two are too large for.Being a jester, the kids will love him.He’s also the only one with a musical instrument, so that would come
into play during some of the game’s puzzles.

By
switching from character to character it would allow the player to cause the
needed distractions to allow one of our three thieves to steal whatever was the
objective for each mission.These three
bards would loot their way through the countryside going all Robin Hood and
sticking it to the man.And that dear
reader is all I’ve been able to think about for the past week.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Brentalfloss
has released a new song that will kick a few of you right in the
nostalgia.The video is based on the old
School House Rock songs that used to run with Saturday morning cartoons.If they were before your time School House
Rock were educational videos that taught kids about history, math, grammar, and
other things.Considering I only
remember the catchy parts of the songs and not the teach-y parts I don’t know
if they really worked as intended.

Besides
sounding exactly like one of the old School House Rock songs the video also has
some pretty good advice.I don’t think I’ve
ever purchased a new console during its launch.I know I talked about buying the black 3DS XL yesterday, but that was on
the launch day for that color; the system itself had already been out for a
while.Apparently I’m on a video game
kick this week, expect more game talk tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

This
past Sunday Nintendo released their 3DS XL handheld in an all black color.Before then if you wanted the XL your options
were the dual colored red/black, blue/black, or pink/white.There were also a few limited editions tied
into game releases, most of those go for absurd ammounts of money now though.I’ve been looking at
the 3DS XL for a couple months now, and the all black version was coming out
right when I was getting ready to purchase one anyway, so it worked out
perfectly for me.

Thursday
I had taken off work so I decided to head down to Best Buy and see if anyone
had accidentally put one on the shelves early.I had seen pictures of a few stores breaking street date, so I figured I’d
try.Unfortunately they only had the
current versions out.After flagging
down a helpful worker I played dumb and asked if they had the black model.They did have it in stock, but the system
showed it wasn’t allowed to be sold until the eleventh.She then asked if I’d like to pre-order
it.Because I’ve played this game before
I asked if I was guaranteed one on Sunday if I pre-ordered now.She checked her stock again and said yes,
that there was no doubt in her mind that if I pre-ordered I’d get a system.

Believing
what I was told I walked over to the pre-order kiosk and printed off a
receipt.I then took the receipt to the
cashier so I could put my five dollars down.And it wouldn’t ring up.He tried
two or three times before going to ask someone else what was going wrong.He gets told to create a new pre-order and
ignore the ticket.That doesn’t work
either.I want to stress at this point,
everyone I’ve dealt with has been very nice.I’m not impatient or rude either, I really didn’t have anything to do
that day anyway.

A
manager and someone else come in to try and help.Everything the original cashier tried fails
for them too.My name and rewards
information is written down as the manager goes to the customer service area
and tries to enter my pre-order off Best Buy’s website.That doesn’t work either.Finally the manager gets fed up and runs to
the back of the store.I see him two
minutes later carrying the 3DS XL.Inwardly I’m celebrating.I watch
as he starts ringing it up.I’m celebrating
because I don’t go back to work until Monday, that’s four days to goof off with
my new toy.

And
the system won’t let him sell it early.Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Defeated
the manager writes my name and phone number on a piece of paper and then tapes
it onto the box.He apologizes and tells
me that the system will be there for me to pickup Sunday.While my weekend dreams are crushed, I tell
him that’s fine and head off.Sunday
morning rolls around and I’m up early to get to the store.My 3DS and the manager’s note are nowhere to
be found.There were plenty of black 3DS
XLs on the store shelves though.

The
system is worth all the frustration though.Nintendo knows what they’re doing when it comes to handhelds.If you haven’t picked one up I highly
recommend it.Again I want to end this
with saying I’m not mad at anyone who helped me Thursday or Sunday.I find the whole thing rather funny, although
I probably would have felt differently if I didn’t end up with the 3DS I
wanted.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

This is the last update for the week. I'm going to enjoy my birthday and try to stay away from the computer for a few days. I do want to share the new trailer for the Muppet's sequel because it's the Muppets and I'm excited.

The strange thing is that I don't really need a story for a Muppet movie. I'd be happy with an hour and a half of their skits and backstage stuff. I've missed Veterinarians Hospital and Pigs in Space; it'd be nice to see them again.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Inspired
by his visit on the Nerdist podcast wrestler CM Punk has released a series of
videos on YouTube called Grammar Slam.There are four videos right now, hopefully there will be some more in
the future.Each video has Punk going
over the common grammatical errors that fill the email and tweets he receives.

The
Nerdist must have been sitting on these videos for a little while, the matches
that are mentioned in the video all happened back at Wrestlemania and the Punk
in these videos isn’t rocking the Wolverine look.Check out the video above and then track down
the other three.Besides being
entertaining they might actually help you out the next time you’re writing
something.

Monday, August 5, 2013

(Hey Ken, why are there two posts today? Tuesday's update is posting early because I'm too pissed to wait another day).Sunday night Discovery kicked off Shark Week.It should be very obvious to anyone who
spends any time on That F’ing Monkey that I love sharks.I look forward to Shark Week every year and
I’m excited that my birthday usually falls during the week.That said I don’t think Discovery Channel’s offering
is perfect.The shows are too focused on
the great white and shark attacks in general.Considering how many shark species are threatened there should be a much
larger conservation message.I was
prepared for those concerns; I wasn’t prepared for last night’s offerings.

The first show of the night was Megalodon: The Monster
Shark Lives.Had this been a documentary
about the prehistoric shark I would have been thrilled.A shark that measured between 46 and 59 feet
is ridiculously cool.Instead this show
was full of “found footage”, bad CGI, and misinformation.Much like the mermaid special they ran,
Discovery presents this information like it is fact.I stuck it out for half an hour, hoping I
could find something redeeming in this special but it defeated me.

I understand you may be confused at this point.I’m the guy who loves Sharktopus.I’m so excited for Syfy’s Ghost Shark that I
can barely contain myself.Why am I so
upset about another channel running a shark focused mockumentary?It all has to do with what channel it’s
on.Discovery channel is supposed to
celebrate how amazing the Earth is.It’s
there to remind us how cool science it. This is the channel that ran those wonderful “The
World is Just Awesome (Boom De Yada) commercials”.From
whale sharks to dwarf lantern sharks, all of them are cool.You don’t need made up flimflam to make an
exciting shark special. I look forward to the rest of the week but I’m really let
down by Shark Week’s start.You’re
better than this Discovery channel.

And just like that the year is well more than half over. At the beginning of the year I laid down some "Nerd Resolutions". Looking back over that list, I see that I have accomplished very little. Perhaps I should have resolved to post more this year...of course that also would not have happened.

So lets take a look at my list so far this year, shall we?

1) Getting my Eldar fully painted - Nope, not even close. I wish I could use the excuse of the new codex coming out a few months ago, but I can't even do that. I am not even sure that I have put a brush to any Eldar yet. Wow, way to start off on a positive note.

2) Catching up on The Walking Dead *comics and show - Well I finished the first season of the show. Started on the second and have not read a single back issue. To be honest on this one, the show is only okay to me. It does not really have me hooked. As for the comics, perhaps I need to go back and start over. I remember highly enjoying those first two trades.

3) Work through that video game back log - I think I may have played some Dragon Age at the beginning of the year. That's about it. I have never been a huge video game player, and nothing is really capturing my imagination as of late. The ol' Xbox is mainly just a movie and TV distribution unit at this point.

4) Find an IPA that I actually enjoy - Sure did! Well, it is a bit of a cheat though as it is a mixed brew. At a company called Duclaw they make a fractional IPA called "Oz". They also make a fantastic porter called "Bad Moon". Mix those together and you have "The Dark Side Of Oz". It aint bad.

There ya go 1 out of 4 in eight months, and that 1 is kind of a cop-out. It's been a hell of a year.

Friday, August 2, 2013

When
you go to your local comic shop to you skip over the piles of spandex clad
heroes and villains?Are you looking for
the books that feature vampires, werewolves, and other monsters?Are you having a hard time finding good
horror comics?The Skin Crawling Comics
Anthology is the answer you’ve been looking for.

Currently
raising fund at indiegogo (CLICK HERE!) the Skin Crawling Comics Anthology is a
collection of “Horror comics that hearken back to spooky storytelling and
reject gore as a plot substitute.”As
someone who has always preferred monsters eating people to sadists torturing people,
that makes me pretty happy.The project
is citing things like Creepy, Eerie, and Tales from the Crypt as their
inspiration.The final book will be 180
colored pages appropriate for anyone 16 and up.

Skin
Crawling Comics is a true anthology, check out their indiegogo page to check
out the huge list of artists, writers, letterers, and colorists.There are like 40 people that want to get
their horrific visions into your hands.To cover printing, shipping, and all the not fun stuff they are trying
to raise 18,000.This is a very doable
goal but they need help getting the word out.Go to their indiegogo (CLICK HERE) and check out the different perks
available.Go to their facebook (CLICK HERE) and check out all the updates.Tell all your friends about it.If
you do pledge to their campaign, let them know that F’ing Monkey sent you.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

It’s
Hangover Thursday, how’s your head?I
drank enough last weekend that I figured I’d let my liver have a break this
week.So my head is nice and clear this
morning.I am very excited because I’ve
found out about Trooper Ale.Trooper Ale
is a collaboration between Robinson brewery and the band Iron Maiden.Iron Maiden was a huge part of my life during
middle and high school.It still makes
me smile every time I see Eddy, the band’s mascot.

Trooper
Ale is supposed to start showing up in America sometime in August.The British Ale is already being sold in
Europe and is selling extremely well.They managed to sell a million pints in the first 8 weeks that it was
available.Sweden sold 20,000 bottles on
the first day.There is a long list of
US distributers that are going to be picking Trooper up, so make sure to ask
about it at your favorite beer store.