August 05, 2007

The Cause of Schizophrenia.

well, as far as i know no one yet has managed to establish the cause of schizophrenia. My own personal beliefs about the origins of my own schizophrenia, i feel, were caused by my upbringing. I had a very difficult childhood. I was neglected by my family and depressed from a very early age. I am a twin and my parents had the strong belief that the 1st born was the strongest and the more intelligent. My parents openly stated that my twin, as the 1st born, would succeed well and they openly encouraged him in life far greater than they did with me.

I always felt that my intelligence was unrecognised by my family and school. I have failed every exam taken, not because i lack intelligence but because i have always found it hard to recall what had been taught or express what had been taught onto paper.

Failing at school and being misunderstood and treated as a 'no hoper' by family and by the exam process, i began to feel low self esteem and depressed and felt from a very young age that i would always fail in my life. To me everyone seemed on a good path, had a secure family life and loving caring parents and i felt alien to this.

I began to feel isolated. This isolation, low self esteem and my 'noted' failure as a child, played on my mind. And so, i started to become paranoid and concerned about peoples attitude towards me. I began to feel very concerned about what people were saying, especially my parents. They would openly discuss and promote my brothers achievements to others but there would never be much discussion about me, apart from the disruption i was causing at school.

I am a naughty boy!

I did become very disruptive at school, threatened with expulsion, suspended on 2 occasions. This was due to frustration. I was unrecognised as having any potential and i wasn't encouraged by my parents to do well and felt persecuted by them.

To get to the point, i felt inferior and so paranoia began to 'set in' from a very young age.

I became concerned how others viewed me. I knew what my parents were saying about me and as a child this demoralised me and I believe helped cause the major symptoms of my schizophrenia in later life.

One of the voices i had to deal with in 'later life' was the voice of my mother. Her voice would always 'present' it self, in an aggressive scornfal way. I would feel her presence in my thoughts and see her in my mind encouraging other voices to swear and curse at me.

Her presence in my thoughts have now eased altogether. This has been achieved because i have not seen my mother or spoken to her for over six years now.

Breaking ties with my family has helped to control my symptoms. It has also helped to give me a new life and to realise my own potential.

It has helped me to become the man i know i can become. A man far greater than my own family were able or willing to recognise.