The Black Community Repression Due to Self Degradation

"Life is short and then you die, that is why I get high." These are famous words by dead rapper, I think they called him Biggy Smalls, which I guess is an oxymoron. This is black culture at it worst or best depending on your view point. But most certainly this is black reality as far as the mindset of our youth today. This is the gospel to the average street thugs. And that is about all we have to offer these days?

I am 54 years old now and it just occurred to me that I might die soon. The promise I was told is about 70 years for a black man and about 85 for white folks, I wonder why. And when I look back at my past, I say to myself oh what a waste. As I was handed down a responsibility by my ancestors to perform an important duty. To attempt to setup a way for the next generation, to get out of the rut that generations before me has dug, with my assistance.

In my life I was an under achiever in my opinion. I had an opportunity to do much more than I did and mostly it was of my own faults. I was a very angry black man and still is to a huge degree. I find it easy to hate what I do not agree with. I am not really set in my ways and points of views. But due to my anger by part, I have become this way, because I was damaged goods so to speak? I came from an abusive home? No this is not true, because both of my parents loved me and I can contest to this in all honesty. The bottom line is I was raised in the black community, like the rest of the black kids I knew, by no felt of ours. This was the hand that we was dealt.

I can say for myself I had religious freedom in my home and was not forced fed false religion. And because of this, today to some degree I have an open mind. That does not necessarily mean I am gullible, but sometimes I do take a passive stance, when I should be assertive. And I know being passive can be such a waste of time, when I am only trying to protect another persons feelings, when I know they a dead wrong to start with. If nothing else I am guilty of being passive and then becoming aggressive and out of control. Hell I can even black out and not remember my actions, because I have built up too much anger, simply because I tried to protect another persons feeling at the risk of hurting my own. I now see this as black culture.

When I drink, I drank for the effect, because I did not want to feel anything. White people call this a trait of alcoholism, but I call this modern day black culture. I see me in the younger generations, but I have no children simply because I chose not to be a father, white people call this a deadbeat dad, I call this black culture. I sold drugs and used drugs most of my life, but I despise the kids on the street corners today, black people call this being a crab, I call it growing up.

This is not new by any means whatsoever. My father warned me of my folly and I said to him what they tell me, "you did it." It is so true, when they say four generations will be cursed, because of ones disobedience against God. But what they do not tell you is this is a vicious cycle of four times four generations will be cursed. Is it a never ending cycle?

My community within the black community is in a state of urgent need for divine intervention. Only God can save us, but is seems his only promise to us is a perpetual curse. See we lost too many generations already, but I see the mistake my father made with me, which was he tried to save me after I was already lost. See I realize the generation on the streets today, may not be restorable until they grow up. They are going to do the dastardly deeds they set out to do, regardless of what opportunities come their way. The best of social programs will not restore them to sanity, but only time will do this.

The only hope for the black community is the children who must be raised by their grandparents, who were lost themselves but in many cases have grown up, but this again is black culture. But it is the only option for us today. The reason why we are in the condition we are in is because of the immaturity of the black adult. It terrifies me to see 50 year olds and 60 year olds still drinking beer as a past time, watching sports and smoking cigarettes like it is a fashion statement. When it all starting as a childish prank. That is because blacks often never grow up into adults, but say "I am a man and therefore have the right to do these childish things until death." But it cripples the community as a whole, because nobody has anyone to look up to, but fake ass so-called religious uppity negroes, they cannot identify with. Because we in the black community use religion as an excuse for separatism. We join the church not to serve God and help the needy through love and charity, we use it to join a clandestine click. And that is black culture in my opinion.

So all I can do is build on what was left for me to work with, sometimes an inch at a time, sometimes it means crawling. Sometimes it means missing a meal to keep the lights on at the "Blue Building," and sometimes it means being called a fool for doing sometime right and sometimes it might mean doing something wrong for the greater good and let God be the judge of my actions. But Always it means doing something and not simply lying dead. This is a wakeup call for me, that I will probably will be dying soon and wasted most of my life in black culture. I ask now what will be my legacy.

The Apostle Paul Castellano

TAGS:

What do you think of this story?

Select one of the options below. Your feedback will help tell CNN producers what to do with this iReport. If you'd like, you can explain your choice in the comments below.

For our international users, please be aware that the information you submit when registering for our services is collected in the United States of America. In addition to being subject to our Privacy Policy, the collection, storage, and use of your data will be subject to U.S. laws and regulations, which may be different from the laws and regulations of your home country. By registering for this service, you are consenting to this collection, storage, and use.

Create your screen name

Please create a screen name. This screen name will be associated with your
iReport stories and comments on this site.
It cannot be changed once you make a selection.