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What would you do in my shoes?

Hi Ladies,
I hope this isn't too confusing, I will try to summerize as much as I can. I'm on my 3rd marriage. I suffer from Acute depression, with anxiety issues. I have 3 children, none are my Husbands . They have a realtionship with their biodad, and call my Husband Dad (on their own, not because we said to.) I have been fighting a battle with myself for years. I have found when I'm on my own, not attached to anyone, my depression gets better. I have learned through therapy why I cling to a man, and feel I need to be dependent on them. I had a horrible relationship with my father when he was alive, and am constantly trying to replace it. I know that's wrong. That's why I'm in therapy.
My dilemma is I Love my Husband, but I want to be on my own. I know my children Love him, and that's where I come to a road block. I don't want to hurt them. I can afford to get out on my own, so that's not a problem. I have told my Husband that I need to go, but he always seems to convince me that it's my depression causing me to not think straight, and then I give in and don't persue it. I have told my therapist I want to be on my own. She doesn't really have anything to say about it.
This afternoon I got pretty down, all I could do was cry, and then thought to myself if I didn't have children, I would have already ended it. ( my life I mean). They are the only reason I'm still walking this earth. This is the lowest I have ever been, and I don't know what to do. Have any of you gone through this, or going through it?
I don't have parents anymore, no close family, it's just me, my Husband, and our children. Oh and my Husband insisted on the therapy, and I don't feel it's helping at all.
If anyone could give me some insight, or advice I would really appreciate it.
Thank you...

You mentioned that you have been going to a therapist and you told her that you would rather be on your own. Not to mention the fact that in your first sentence that you said that you wanted to be on your own. Your husband is trying to tell you that your depression is not letting think straight. That sounds manipulative. This is your decision to make and not his, what would YOU rather do? If you feel that if you left him and took your kids with you, do you think that it would make your relationship with your kids better? If so, I would say go for it. If you're dependent on him for all the wrong reasons, you might be better off on your own. Your kids need you now and forever. I hope things will work out for you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You need to keep going to therapy but if you feel this therapist isn't helping, try a different one. And you shouldn't leave your husband right now because you're in the middle of a crisis and you'll need all the support you can. Hang in there, your children need you!

I felt the same way and left. I do better on my own. I had three small kids but they are grown now. Depression never leaves but you can remove yourself from some triggers. I did and never regretted it.

Did you ever consider that you had kids to keep you alive? I think a man who loves you enough to make you seek counseling is a good man. You say you love him. But it sounds like you're numb but you love your kids. If you truly did love him, you'd not desire to leave so badly. Perhaps you leaving is a way for you to control the same bad patterns from before? IDK. Are you on a good med that works for you? Also, what do you do all day? Do you work? Have you considered working or doing something so that you aren't sitting home idle? Maybe a solid routine would help. but I'm sorry you feel this way but I'm glad you have an adult who is making you get help. Change therapists for one who can better help you. But don't give in, you have kids and they love you.

I think you fear abandonment, so therefore you want to abandon first. What if you took a good look at this issue with your therapist. She might be able to give you some concrete help. Right now I don't think she can, because you are not really depressed because you want to be on your own. You are depressed because of some deeper issue.