Batman has the Joker.? Spiderman has the Green Goblin.? Paula Abdul has Simon.?

And me?? Well, for starters,? my nemesis isn’t a? person.? It’s a thing.? A place, really.? Sort of a household destination, if you will—one? that nobody enjoys visiting for long.? It’s……our laundry room.

Okay, so maybe my arch enemy isn’t as glamorous or exciting as most, but I’m telling you, my laundry room is possessed by the forces of darkness.? Or perhaps Rush Limbaugh—I have an understandably difficult time telling those two things apart.?

Seriously, though—my laundry room knows how to get its evil on.? I mean, how else do you explain the massive piles of dirty, smelly clothes that magically appear, even after I’ve just finished the fiftieth load of the day?? I’m convinced that I wash more clothes in one week than thirty Paris Hiltons’ could wear in a year.?

And how would anything rational explain the fact that I continuously leave clothes in the washer for too long, even though it seems as though I’m doing laundry non-stop, 24/7, like Carol Brady with a few (hundred) extra kids?? Forget the napalm— there’s nothing quite like the smell of mildew in the morning to make your nose hate your face.? And then there’s the dog food, which somehow? manages to jump out of the bag and onto the floor when I’m not looking.? Crafty stuff, that Evo.? I guess that’s what you get for an extra $20.00 a pound.

Honestly, you would think cleaning out the laundry room and keeping it tidy was a reasonable, attainable goal, right?? ? Well, for me, it’s about as attainable as climbing Mt. Everest, naked and barefoot, with a baby strapped on my back.?

And no chocolate.

I suppose I could tame the wild laundry room, if I really put my mind to it.? Provided, of course, that I’m prepared to ignore teething babies, querying four-year olds, hungry Ridgebacks, growling Rottweilers, and disgruntled husbands.? For about eighty hours straight.

Personally, I think clean clothes are overrated.? ? I mean, what’s a little baby spit-up, dog slobber, B.O, and four-year old slime among friends?? C’mon on, hang those baby blow-out pants right back up–she’s just gonna do it again, so what’s the point of washing them anyway?? ? Just think—we could single-handedly end California’s drought by banning the washing machine.

Exhibit A:? ? ? ? ? Be very, very afraid.

Exhibit B:? I’m surprised nothing has jumped out to bite me…..yet.

Exhibit C:? ? ? Those little round spots on the floor are dog food.? I’d pick them up, but they’d only be replaced by more.? Besides, Fergie likes a little snack while she stomps all over the clean clothes.

? Exhibit D:? Just in case you? were deluded enough to think? there was a semi-organized corner of the room.? If it matters, at least those piles are clean.