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Monday, June 28, 2010

Monday, June 28, 2010

Are you tired of always having to get the cake for friends' baby showers? Nooo problem. Just bring in one of these, and they'll never ask again. Guaranteed.

I call this the Bizarre "B" Special: that's Baby Bigfoot on a BBQ, surrounded by beer bottles and a bonsai tree. Feel free to personalize your own creation, though, and have fun with it! How about an Irish infant in an igloo, surrounded by indigo ibexes?

Forget safe, traditional pastels; you want to "go" for as many subtle bowel reminders as possible. Note the use of "chocolate kisses," yellow icing, the big crack, and even the word "bun" in the inscription. Now that's a true master at work.

If the shower is around Halloween, you'll also have this fun option:

Yep. A subtle insinuation that mom-to-be rides a broomstick (or has one shoved where the sun don't shine) oughtta do the trick.

Or, heck, while you're at it: why not take a stab at mom's drinking habits?

The two ingredients for successful parenting.

If at this point you're STILL getting stuck with cake duty, it's time for the gloves to come off. Yep. It's time for...[dramatic pause]...the Crap n' Snap:

Ohh snap!

Now sit back, relax, and revel in the knowledge that no one will ever trust you to order a cake, ever again.

That last one... *horror* Ugh, I was actually *eating my breakfast* when I saw that, but now I'm not sure if I want to finish it. Well, that friend has certainly earned their right to never be trusted to buy a cake ever again, or attend a shower, or any other function...

These cakes all speak for themselves, but I can't let that first one go without a comment. An extremely deformed baby on a barbecue grill, surrounded by Pabst Blue Ribbon empties, with a lovely Bonsai tree for ... what's the tree there for?

Not only do I not want whomever's behind this to bring another cake, I don't want to live on the same continent with that person. ... You might sell me on some of whatever he or she is taking that makes that cake seem OK, though.

This set of wrecks proves Jen's oft-repeated tenet that a cake does not have to be badly executed to be a Cake Wreck. Except for the giant "Bun in the Oven" poo cake, all of these are reasonably well made. Even the "Wipe my butt" cake is impressively vomit-inducing, which was presumably the objective. And, while the intention behind the first (barbecued, mashed-up baby) cake is beyond my ken, I'm willing to assume that it achieves its intention (... just keep it away from me!).

Ok I agree... what were people thinking who ordered them?? But on the flip side, well done (most) bakers/decoraters for those cakes!! I mean seriously, beer and diapers?? That is amazingly realistic!! The halloween one (Other than the keester broom) is quite beautiful, and that dirty diaper?!?! Well... at least you knew what it was!!! I think it would have been funnier to do a bundled up "full" diaper with flies.... but see I'm the decorater with that sick humor!! I would never ever order one but if I made cakes and that was ordered?? That's what I would go for!!

I sincerely hope that last cake was for a "welcome baby" party where the child has been born and mommy has no trace of "morning" sickness remaining because I can promise that if that thing were to show up at *my* shower...the festivities would be brought to an abrupt end with my departure for the nearest bathroom. Yuck.

Another possible theory is that it is a hobbit. Anyone check for fur on the feet? Although, that still doesn't explain why it is missing an arm. Or why it's on a barbeque. Or...y'know. Anything except the feet.

I'd be very surprised if anyone actually cut and served that last cake. I sure as heck wouldn't want to touch that with a knife or a fork. In fact, that looks like it needs to be pitched right into the diaper pail without a second thought.

OH Wow, seriously. But I think the type of person who would order that last cake is the same kind of person who plays the pooy diaper baby shower game. Where you take melty chocolate bars and smoosh them into clean diapers and pass them around and trying to figure out what type of chocolate bar is in each. it makes me vomit looking at them and yet I've seen old grannies stick their fingers in it!!! *bwoah*

So yah, I'm going with the people who play that game likely have that kinda cake.

Yes, it's cake, and not what it looks like. BUT THERE ARE LINES YOU DON"T CROSS, people. Even if you're angling for a cake-wrecks appearance!

A mis-shapen, melted baby on a skewer. Multiple cakes for pregnant women featuring alcohol. Why don't they just write on the cakes "call in children's aid now!"?

Bun in the oven cake-- I'm willing to forgive these sort of "poo" sins due to their chocolately goodness :)

That witch is well done, even her hair. Odd, but... not enough to get them off cake duty. Unless it was a cake for fundamentalists who loathe Hallowe'en for it being a pagan holiday!

The booze-and-huggies cake I'd refuse on principle, but the diaper cake I'd refuse on nausea. This is the first cake I've seen here that made me squeamish! you know it's bad when a design makes people want to turn down CAKE!

To answer anonymous’' question, "wv" refers to the word verification you need to fill out in order to post your comment (look below the comment box). It’s supposedly random letters, but you can get some pretty funny ones.

Anon at 11:36 a.m.-- WV is "Word Verification". Sometimes those letters are suitable for the topic or otherwise entertaining.

@Babs-- that was funny. "It's a gril" :)

And I'm glad that I'm not the only one who saw the first cake and the Coors cake and thought Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. I work in public health, and was wondering if my job was affecting my cake-judgment! Come to think of it, I wonder if the person who ordered those cakes was affected too... could explain a lot

It a gril,lol! The Coors and Huggies cake must actually be for Diaper Party. All the male friends of the dad have their own party and everyone has to bring a package of diapers. If so, I think that one is a great cake!

I don't think any of the cakes are tasteful, but there is a reason for the beer/diapers cake. At a baby shower were men and women are invited, it is 'traditional' in some places for the women to bring regular gifts for the mom/baby and for the men to bring cases of beer for the dad.

RE: the witch cake...i think someone forgot to order a cake for the baby shower and got stuck with the last one at the bakery!I could see some of my friends ordering the diaper cake minus the disgusting pile of poo in the center....

I think the Coors/Huggies cake is incredibly funny. Obviously, if you need diapers then you already had the baby. So really FAS diseases don't really apply. I'd love to attend a baby shower thrown by that person. It would be guaranteed to be better than the normal, boring, "classy" showers we are forced to endure. "Cutesy" cakes are so overdone. I'm glad there are people out there willing to be unique and creative. I think it might be a "Raising Arizona" reference as well, but I'm not sure.

The "bun in the oven" cake disturbed me because of the oozing chocolate down the side. Is the cake bleeding? And I am simply "b"affled by the first cake. It must be an inside joke of some sort.

wv: usephy - People offended by the Coors/Huggies cake could usephy removal of the stick up their butt, which would probably result in something resembling the last cake.

Cake Wrecks has posted many gross wrecks, but that last one may be the grossest of the lot. It took me a while to get it, I think mostly because my mind refused to believe that anyone would make a cake of that.

Um how in the world could anyone want to EAT that last cake? All of them are bizarre and slightly grotesque, but the dirty diaper cake? Seriously?? An old co-worker did a baby shaped cake for a shower. The cake was white cake, with strawberry filling. So when they cut into the "baby" it looked like it was bleeding. What are people thinking?!

Ok now I am scared to ever get pregnant out of sheer fear that one of those cakes could be mine.. yuck to that last one. Very disgusting but it would definitely make sure you never had to buy the cake for the party or heck even bring one again. I can't even look at that last cake ..bleh!

first cake first thought: Gulliver's baby daughter? what is she laying on, giant ugly thing?

that last cake is just tasteless. hope they didn't use any high quality chocolate--I don't think anyone could bring themselves to taste what's actually intended to be poop! no suggestive brown blobs, this is SUPPOSED TO BE POOP.

that's disgusting.

diapers and Coors. Mom is stocked up. How classy. Is that her baby on top laying on a grill surrounded by empty beer bottles? nice.

The witch could either be an insult to the mom, or a suggestion that the baby will be a handful. OR, considering the rest of the Halloween imagery, it's a Halloween baby. Hope Mom's name isn't Rosemary...They'd better have an exorcist on hand....

wv: ordrig. what the obviously drunk person requesting these cakes did. slurring: "Hi, I'm ordrig a cake for a baby shower? could you, like, make it a dirty diaper, full of chocolate poo and pees/peas?' *snort* *snicker*

@Anon/Sara: "putting the diapers and the beer next to each other in the store boosts the sales of both, maybe that explains the huggies and bud cake"

that's kind of genius. the men want to go out for beer anyway, and they can conveniently pick up the diapers for the women who are home barbecuing, er, wrangling, er, changing the baby. You know how men shop--they have to put it right in front of them.

maybe they should put the tampax next to the beer, too. think the guys would be more willing to pick up those provisions if they were next to the beer? or maybe the nachos and pork rinds?

I think that first cake is just weird. What did the person order to get 'that' cake?

Oh and that last cake...ewwwww...lol

I just have to speak more about that first cake...wtf? Seriously, what would a person have to ask for to get this cake? I want a hugely deformed baby, with massive feet and an ugly face laying on top of a grill. Oh and throw in some beer bottles and a bonsai tree to make it really weird. *shaking head*

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