Posts by The Rice Mockingbird

Saying he’s “usually a pretty open and accepting guy,” recently Ally Trained Hanszen sophomore Jack Kozinski is also a racist asshole, according to reports. The Well Being Office offers Ally Training to help combat and provide support against the structural hardships that LGBTQ students face on campus. Despite his completion of the program, sources close […]

In a controversial decision, the administration has decided to eliminate all campus transportation to cut expenses to subsidize its building expenses.

The Dean of Undergraduates, Dr. John Hutchinson, has addressed the situation with an unconventional solution: carrying students to class on his back. Dean Hutch, in a campus wide email late last night, had this to say:

The Rice University Crisis Management Team reminded students to wear warm clothing when they leave for classes today in a statement released early this morning. “Due to the sudden, dramatic drop in temperature Houston is currently experiencing, we would like to encourage students to dress appropriately; snow pants, parkas, and boots would be adequate attire,” […]

Heads up: Our six new writers will be in complete control of the Rice Mockingbird this week! Wish them luck!!! (But first, meet them all!!) Christen Sparago Christen Sparago, Martel ’15, is majoring in flute and slightly inaccurate French. At this precise moment, she is missing her cat. Also, she believes that in a fight […]

As the Owls took the field yesterday against Old Dominion University, the players were welcomed onto the field by a record crowd. “It was just so great to see so many fans in the stands,” an anonymous football player said. “Seeing both their faces really inspired us to play good football.” Both the fans in attendance […]

According to the new schedule released by the Divine Secretary Gabriel, God will be attending this year’s Family Weekend. “I am incredibly excited to see how my boy is doing!” God said. “I only hear rave reviews about Him. It’s as if He could walk on water or something!!” After taking a tour around campus, […]