Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Feeding My Family

I'd like to start this post by outlining each of the dietary preferences/needs represented by the five people in my family:

- Vegetarian: 1.5 people
- Omnivore: 2 people
- Prefer lots of vegetables: 2 people
- Prefer no vegetables ever: 1.5 people
- Low-carb/low-cal needs: 1 person
- Carb-loving: 4 people
- Ideally need to eat by 5:30 pm: 3 people
- Schedule varies by day so mealtime never the same: 1 person
- Extremely picky: 2-3 people, depending on the day
- Eat spaghetti (with or without meatballs) with no complaints: 5 people

It's so not easy to feed this family. I personally am a very picky eater. I choose and prefer a lot of healthy food, but I like what I like and I don't prefer trying a lot of new things. I've been this way since I was a kid and although I have expanded my palate quite a lot since then, I still don't eat meat (or really most animal proteins) and have a decent list of other foods I simply can't choke down (goat cheese, eggplant and squash/sweet potatoes/yams are all on this list).

Because I am a particular eater I have found it very difficult to lay ground rules with my kids and encourage them to try new things. Pacey is a great eater and has been for a couple of years now. Brighton is very, very picky and while she does like a fair number of healthy things she does not like any vegetables and almost no meat. Archer is about average for a toddler thus far, but I know it can go either way from here. The way I provide food is generally to make an evening meal I know the kids will all eat (in some deconstructed form) and then make something different for Chris and I. Often that something is different for each of us, in that we have radically different needs and preferences. It's a lot of work, it's hard to plan and I don't really know how to change it.

I know perfectly well that the kids won't starve if I serve them a meal the adults want to eat and they choose not to eat it. However I also know that that approach didn't work for me growing up. If I didn't like it I didn't eat it and while of course I didn't starve, I was hungry a lot. Eventually I discovered I liked cooking and in my family whoever cooked got to choose the meal. That solved things a few nights a week and then I left home, my palate matured and I got to choose what I ate all the time. Food and eating is just not a battle I'm willing to fight. If I make a meal I know the kids like and they choose not to eat it, I don't provide alternatives. We don't do dessert as a reward all the time, although I will sometimes require a taste of the vegetable before getting dessert if there is one.

There's no point to writing this here except to say that meal-planning and preparation is a drag at the best of times and we're not in a great pattern here. I checked out Ellyn Sattern's book "How to Get Your Kids to Eat, But Not Too Much" and I will peruse it to see if her methods resonate. I'm dragging my heels, though, since I'm just not sure I have it in me to take a hard line on this.

What say you? How do you feed your families? Do your kids have different eating preferences despite being raised with the same approach?

5 comments:

Anonymous
said...

My son had about 5foods he would eat at any giventime . NOW heeats all the things- sashimi and other raw things that i'm afraid to try. My daughter would try anything now has a comfortable set of things she likes and will try some new things -less enthusiastically than in her youth. I am a recovered anorexic. Food was not going to be a THING-you know? At the end of the day all you can do is present a variety of foods in a variety of ways with a few known things they will eat. Personality/genetics and a host of other variables win in the end. Food fights arent worththe energy they take.

While I admit to 1) falling in a rut and 2) not offering enough veggies we have found that making a main meal and requiring that each kid take 3 bites of whatever we're having usually work. I make sure that at least 1 side dish is liked by all and always have fruit on the table.

I always have an acceptable backup meal (usually a pre-made chicken from the grocery store) that the kids can have if they legitimately don't like what I cooked.

That said, we are SO GUILTY of falling back on pasta. It's easy, delish and loved by all.

Food stuff is frustrating given the amount of work it requires and that it can feel like a big deal if kids are going through anti-eating phases. I think what you are doing makes sense - setting some limits but also not being super strict because HELLO REALITY.

Since I have (annoying) dietary issues I find myself making a meal that is adaptable at the table. So I will make something like taco meat and also heat up refried beans, veggies, avocados, shredded cheeses, etc and then I eat it all as a salad with corn chips, the kids have tacos with tortillas, Anil can have salad or tacos and skip the meat and cheese since he would prefer to be vegan, etc.

Also - I see nothing wrong with having a high level of repetition in your meals each week. Pasta once or twice a week, tacos ones a week, pizza once a week, take out once a week, etc - perfectly fine. You can try a new recipe once a week or once a month or worry about that next year when you aren't wrangling a toddler. Or never :)

I'm well versed in Ellyn Satter stuff from the ol' career but it sounds like you are pretty much doing it. You say what and when and the kids do the "how much" piece.

Food stuff is frustrating given the amount of work it requires and that it can feel like a big deal if kids are going through anti-eating phases. I think what you are doing makes sense - setting some limits but also not being super strict because HELLO REALITY.

Since I have (annoying) dietary issues I find myself making a meal that is adaptable at the table. So I will make something like taco meat and also heat up refried beans, veggies, avocados, shredded cheeses, etc and then I eat it all as a salad with corn chips, the kids have tacos with tortillas, Anil can have salad or tacos and skip the meat and cheese since he would prefer to be vegan, etc.

Also - I see nothing wrong with having a high level of repetition in your meals each week. Pasta once or twice a week, tacos ones a week, pizza once a week, take out once a week, etc - perfectly fine. You can try a new recipe once a week or once a month or worry about that next year when you aren't wrangling a toddler. Or never :)

I'm well versed in Ellyn Satter stuff from the ol' career but it sounds like you are pretty much doing it. You say what and when and the kids do the "how much" piece.

About Me

I'm a 32-year-old introvert, a classic middle child, hater of conflict and lover of candy. In the past 10 years I've lived in Alaska, California, England and Minnesota. I imported my husband from England and we've spent an eventful decade together. We have two very different but equally wonderful kids: Pacey, born in November of 2006 and Brighton, born in May of 2009. I worked full-time in the insurance industry until the summer of 2010, when I traded that job in for one with pretty crappy pay but some awesome fringe benefits. I'm a much bigger fan of my thirties than my twenties.