Posted Aug 22, 2012

You’ve purchased your ticket, you’ve bought your dress, just don’t forget to bring your dignity. The Fifty Shades of LA: Sugar Masquerade Ball is one month away–so what happens when you get there? What exactly do you say to a Sugar Daddy when you come across him, and how do you make sure you don’t go home alone? Here are a few surefire ways to snag your ideal Sugar Daddy.

Dress to Impress

The invitation says “dress to impress”, but everyone has different definitions of “impressive”. You only have one chance to make a first impression, so your appearance needs to be top-notch. Your biggest mistake is not going to be the price of your wardrobe, but rather how well you dress. The dress is classy-cocktail, which means leaving JUST enough to the imagination. Think clean lines and form fitting, meaning you should never be cutting off your circulation, or be at a major risk for a nip slip.

The Other Women

When taking your search for a Sugar Daddy offline and into the arena, be prepared for fierce competition. On the website, there are approximately 10-12 sugar baby members for every sugar daddy member in any given area. At this party the playing field will be a little more even, but still expect the women to outnumber the men at least 3 to 1. Just because the girls are all essentially competing for the same goal, doesn’t mean you have to be catty. It never hurts to make friends, compare stories and seek advice from your fellow Sugar Babies. No one understands this world better than they do.

Avoid Desperation

A sugar party is a man’s game, and you will have to play offense in order to stay in it. You can’t bag a Sugar Daddy if you are on the wall all night, hoping to be noticed. You have to be friendly, engaging and approachable, all while remaining classy. That means that no matter how eager you may be, you never show it. Remember, this party is not a place to make transactions, it’s a meet and greet for potential sugar relationships. Never bring up the topic of allowances or money when getting to know a Sugar Daddy at a party, unless he brings it up first.

Don’t Overdo It

Just because the liquor is flowing and everything you put in your mouth is meant to turn you on, please practice a little self control. No one wants a Sugar Baby who becomes a hot mess in public. Eat, drink, and be merry, but do so in moderation. And remember ladies, an open bar does not equal open legs! But whatever you do after the party, is up to you… [Look out for a list of hotel accommodations near the venue this week in your email].

Like these tips? Share them! Show us some love!

What are some other ways to successfully maneuver a sugar party? Sugar Daddies, what works for you at a Sugar party?

Thanks everyone for their wonderful birthday wishes, it is greatly appreciated!!

Stormcat ~ Your B-Day wish was especially uplifting. Thank you.

Nawty Mollysays:

Well, I think it would be good to end things on good grounds with no hard feelings. We DO need to talk about things in a calm fashion, so, I’ll probably go, but, not spend the night…AND I DO MEAN IT! Eventhough the sex is fantastic…sigh. I’m just tired of the snide comments, I’m tired of him telling me what I need to do and how I need to do it. It’s not my fault he divorced and has abandonment issues. I have responsibilities, I don’t have the luxury of living the life of a retired, wealthy person. UGH! He says I don’t listen, but, I’ve told him that if he didn’t stop saying mean and hurtful things, he would push me away and it seems that that has happened. I’ve done everything I possibly can to make him happy. I think it might be time to just move on and find someone who appreciates me and accepts me, flaws and all. It hurts, but, for my own sanity, I think it’s something I should do. Some of the things he has said to me has been emotionally abusive, then he turns around and laughs at the insults he has thrown my way…doesn’t even seem to care that its hurful to me. Oh well, it is what it is. I can’t make him change, although it would be nice because he does have some good qualities. I just can’t take his ego and shallowness anymore. No one is perfect, not even him and he doesn’t seem to REALLY realize this. It’s sad because I thought we could really make something happen! He has insulted my intelligence, my looks and my way of doing things. I’m beginning to think that no one could really please this guy!

I have an easy time screening SDs, but, I guess when it comes to IRL relationships, I suck! o_0

Tinasays:

@Jessie – I have to agree with AM on the Dexter booty exposure. I haven’t seen anything past the 2nd season, but I do remember at least one shot of an exposed red head. Honestly! (And if I had high powered and/or night vision goggles I’d definitely let you use them 😉 )

NC Gentsays:

Hi Jessie — I am more than willing to risk a little “e-drool” in hopes of making a new sugar friend. I have to warn you, based upon my past experiences, that whenever I had the chance to get to meet one of my IRL crushes, I was usually disappointed (I guess too much self-generated hype that was impossible to live up to). Anyways, consider yourself warned, and blog gods, please exchange our emails when you have a chance.

Jessiesays:

@alex – Somehow I get the feeling that I’m the wrong Jessie, but what the heck…hi 😉

Jessiesays:

@AM – Hahahaha! You bad, bad girl. Good for you. You do need at least a slice of Chocolate cake though ;).

You are a very strong person, but for some reason you haven’t used all your strength to stay “yourself” in this relationship. You’ve bitten your tongue, shrug stuff off, thought it wasn’t such a big deal, and have let things build up too long. If you do go to see him on Sunday, you need to be YOU. Not the person he’s making you into, but YOU…strong, determined, confident, don’t-take-crap-from-anyone YOU. Tell him exactly as it is. You are NOT fat. You CAN decide how much you eat, and WHEN you eat it. You are not a child and is more than capable of making decisions on your own. And AM, please don’t see him unless you’re feeling better. If you’re still not feeling well, you won’t be as sharp as you need to be, so your emotions will be like a yo-yo. Also, be prepared to walk away if you must. You can’t leave the feelings behind, but you can definitely keep your health in tact and start over when you’re ready. I wish you only the best and whatever you decide you know we’ll have your back.

BTW…you saw Dex’s booty? LOL. I don’t believe you…I’ve watched every season/episode twice, and some seasons more, and unless you tell me season and episode, I ain’t buying it :).

@Content – I do consider myself lucky. He is incredibly good to me and fit sooo perfectly with how you first described Bond. He know I can’t stand being together 24/7 for even a full week; we went on vacation (5 days) and he booked us together 3 days, room to myself 2 days. I was sooo floored that he’d think of doing that, that I told him, “It’s okay, it’s only a week, I can survive.” He said, “Who said I’m not the one who needs time alone?” which had us both laughing hysterically. It was cool having him “pick me up” from my room, and we still spent all day together, went back to the room together, but I got to “leave” at the end of the night and slept alone, albeit with instructions that he could pop in anytime in the night that he got “frisky” ;). Still, I’ve no inkling to be married…can’t imagine saying “till death do us part” to ANYONE, so I don’t think your wish is gonna come true anytime soon :).

@Guru – I should give you a little bit more background, but for now I’ll just say he’s 4 hours away and wants to buy a house, which will put me in a town 2 hours away, and have me move in. He’ll still live in his current City. I wasn’t too perturbed by the idea, because he’s not really pushing it hard, but he talks about it enough that I know it’s something he’d really love, and well…the more I think about AM’s situation the more I know I’m nowhere ready to be sooo available. I want to be able to graciously decline the offer without making it sound like I won’t EVER consider it, which to tell you the truth is how I’m feeling…but I want to soften the “EVER,” and words are failing at the moment. HELP!!

@NC Gent – You do know when I say crush, I mean HUGE, huge crush right? If you can deal with my slobbering all over you, yep, I’ll trade emails ;).

@Tina – You don’t happen to have high powered binoculars do you? LOL.

Tinasays:

@JustAThought SD: interesting how the internet/technology can make communication faster, but so much more difficult without body language and intonation. Based on the majority of your posts, yes you can be curt, but I personally don’t think you mean any harm. Just IMHO of course 😉

Sure, go jump that 18y.o. guy…he’ll just send you running back into the arms of the nearest sd as soon as you leave the bedroom and he gets back on his gameboy or WOW for another 18 hrs.

JustAThought SDsays:

@Stormcat

” easy mon . . .”

I have 2 distinct writing styles lately…kurt, or verbose. When I was kurt, you misinterpreted my brief writing as angry or upset. This was not my intention. The question that I asked was more rhetorical rather than in need of an actual response.

JustAThought SDsays:

@Nawty Molly

Welcome back and Happy Belated Birthday. 24hrs of no electricity so I packed up and left so I could wish you happy b-day.

Re you and the guy: I was not implying that you were using him, only that you both have gotten something out of the relationship. The way you spoke of him it didn’t seem one-sided. For this reason, I didn’t take sides. It’s far too easy to say, he doesn’t deserve, or screw him, or he didn’t do enough, or you did too much, but it’s not really what you want or need.(IMHO) True, it may make you feel better for 5 seconds while you’re angry, but when other ppl aren’t around you’ll pine for him.

It’s YOUR arrangement, whatever you two can agree on. But honestly, if you want to go back to him do it. Did he say specifically that he’s looking for a new sb? Did he say he wasn’t sure what was going on and he panicked and then you panicked and everyone just jumped to a different conclusion? If you love this guy, shut everyone’s opinion and advice out. As long as he’s not putting you in physical danger, or causing you to want harm to come to him, then go for it. And be sure to let him know that you’re in love with him (and to expect this heated resistance when he does something funny/inappropriate to the relationship.) Remind him that you weren’t doing anything funny/inappropriate just in case he’s in love with you and kinda freaked out. Money isn’t the prob in this relationship. So it’s just expectation, and miscommunication that are the remaining hurdles.

P.S. — These are just my thoughts. Your mileage may vary, but I’d like to see you happy, whether it’s this relationship/arrangement or the next one.

Tina ~ I agree on alll counts. 😀

Tinasays:

And girl go get you a dang birthday cake! I love the chocolate crunchies in Dairy Queens ice cream cakes

Tinasays:

@Nawty: if you do decide to get together with him, please don’t hesitate to let him know how you feel! I know that sometimes I just want a conflict to go away, so I let my anger drop just to move on. But, that isn’t what is best for me! Take care of yourself first in this case! I’m not saying that you have to be cruel, but be sure that you have your own best interests in heart! We need to get together one of these days!

Tina! My partner in crime! Thank you for the B-Day wish!! 😀

I really do love you all, eventhough I may lash out every once in a while. 😀

Nawty Mollysays:

Thanks for the wishes Flyer! 😀

Nawty Mollysays:

Jessie ~ I ate everything that was bad for me!! I didn’t have cake, but, I did have lots of naughty foods that are totally bad for me! LOL! 😀
Dexter, I watched the whole sixth season all over again…Michael C. Hall is soooo freakin’ cute! He can be my SD anytime!! He showed his butt in one of the seasons, I can’t remember which, but, he has the cutest butt I’ve ever seen! LOL 😀
Totally what I needed.

@NC Gent: I’m sorry to hear that your arrangement is “nebulous at best right now”. I hope it all works out!

(Pssssssst – Sick’em Jessie! 😉 )

NC Gentsays:

Hi Jessie — I am flattered that I am your blog crush – you are one of my favorites too My situation is nebulous at best right now. If you would like the blog gods to exchange our emails, that would be great – at least we could talk a little bit off blog. I have many sugar friends from this blog.

I hope all you U.S. bloggers have a great Labor Day weekend!

2Chicsays:

I shall attend the event, , if it’s anything like the site, well i am SOL..LOL!…
But I am more curious than anything, I guess this will make it or break it with my membership on this site. Its been about two years of on and off this site. Have met some guys full of crap mostly, but never a true gem. So in essence.. I have never had an arrangement… and for what its worth I am one gorgeous woman. I don’t even take it personally anymore. Yay! So let me know if anyone would like to “pal” it at the event. I am not trying to compete with anyone… seriously. I am just psyched about the scene.
I left my email on a previous blog, but here goes: sosavvychic at aol dot com. I want to enjoy the evening, I have concluded that the “pretty woman experience” may not happen. So girls lets just have fun.

If financially feasible I would stay out in the Santa Monica area which has a great nightlife and is very walkable (hotels close to the ocean) Nice place to enjoy Saturday

ContentSBsays:

@Jessie — Mrs. Bond?! Wow!! I don’t know much about this guy, but I’m totally rooting for you two and hope that maybe someday you’ll take that big step together! I’m glad he’s not pressuring you though and even if he’s disappointed still giving you the space you need. Kudos to him because too many guys (especially well-to-do ones) throw a fit when they don’t get what they want 😉 VERY happy for you!!

SDinLAsays:

@arianalyn the event is in downtown L.A.

LAX or Burbank would be the closest commercial airports. LAX has lots more airlines/flights, but if you fly Southwest, they have a lot of flights into Burbank.

There are not that many hotels downtown for a city the size of L.A. Off the top of my head, the Standard should be walking distance to the club, and it is like the Standards in other cities: hip and full of hipsters/wannabes if that is your scene. The Biltmore is a bit further, up towards Bunker Hill. Over by Staples Center, which is probably about a mile away, there is a new J.W. Marriott and Ritz Carlton (in the same building.) I don’t ever have visitors stay downtown so I don’t know the scene that well. LASB might be able to tell you of some other viable options.

alexsays:

hello Jessie

alexsays:

hola todos una linda mujer para platicar,..

Blue Eyes Beautysays:

Wow!!! Miss a couple of days and all hell breaks loose.

Molly….you need to kick him to the curb honey. Don’t do petty pricks no matter the size of the cherry on top. Please, for your own mental health, stick to your resolve. Sounds like emotional abuse to me and that shite is NEVER good and NEVER changes. Trust me.

And a special bonjour to Jack and flyr.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program…..

EllenSugarBsays:

traveler – haha old skin at 24. You’re cute.

Jessiesays:

@Content – Awesome!! Sooo happy for you :). Don’t waste a second worrying about what will happen tomorrow…enjoy it as much as you can right now.

My Bond is trying to turn me into Mrs. Bond, although we had the “TALK” before we started our arrangement. We do spend a lot of time together, and he’s become one of my best friends, but I’m still not a 24/7 kinda girl. While he’s disappointed, it really hasn’t affected our relationship, ’cause it’s not like I’m holding back on making the other aspects of the relationship phenomenal. As a matter of fact when I popped in the other day it was to ask Guru a question on the best way to proceed, then I got to talking to AM and totally forgot.

Seems like we have a lot of venison lovers on the blog. I feel bad for those vegetarians that are reading this….

(not me though, I’ll take a good rare piece of meat ANY day! Take that as you will, you dirty minded little bloggers! 😉 )

ContentSBsays:

@Jessie — NO! Dang it!! Still spending time with the guy I’ve been seeing for the past six months, which is still going WAY too well!! It’s going to make the end that much harder, but we sure are happy right now! How’s your Bond??? Still sugary and totally amazing??

ContentSBsays:

@Stormcat — Me too!! If you talk to DG throw a very sincere apology his way from me! I was sorry to read that your previous situation seemed to go up in flames But, happy to see your vibrant self back here

AM — Happy Birthday!! So glad to see you posting again Hope you stick around and keep all of your naughty admirers in check 😉

ContentSB ~ good to see you too! ! ! Woo hoo! ! ! I love it when the old gang gets back together!

Stormcatsays:

VASD ~ Does that mean you shot Bambie out the back window?

Stormcatsays:

Travelersb ~ so by back calculation you were born in the year 1988. (And you think you have old skin?) I was born in the year 1559 and most people can’t tell me if I’m in my 40s or 50s. I’ve solved the secret of aging and haven’t told anyone because I am sure the world would become anarchy if they knew. But I’ll tell you because you need to slow down that skin problem. Hint the secret is in the clock genes!

you are right LASB, I’ll go to his place tonight. Next time, I will suggest him something else.

@VASD – I don’t find Christian Grey very light hearted though.

LASBsays:

Hi Everyone!

Happy Birthday Anna Molly!

TravelerSB – I hear ya on not always wanting to go to the snobby places. 99% of the time I do, but sometimes I just want something basic and relaxed. LA can be pretty casual, so luckily even the fancy places can be quite chill. I’ve seen people wear t-shirts to the Michelin restaurants and it wasn’t a problem. A while ago, an IRL guy asked me on a date. He said he wanted to take me to the nicest restaurant in town. At the time, my schedule was packed and I was running on empty, so I said, “Can we just get Fat Burger and a 6 pack and watch Premier League in our pajamas?” His response, “Will you marry me?” That being said, if you already agreed to the dinner, I’d say let him impress you this once. And maybe next time you can impress him by being super down-to-earth in your choice of outings.

I’m mentally getting old I meant, or maybe I’m already old in my way of thinking.

travelersbsays:

I’m a old skin of 24 years old 😛

EllenSugarBsays:

Thanks for the advice. Even though it was directed to traveler SB – people on this blog have a good perspective which I greatly appreciate. .

Molly – I happy that you decided not to leave Happy Bday! I hope it was al you wished for

Jack, Your situation with the young lady whom you helped with debt and living expenses sounds so incredibly similar to my two year relationship with a man who enriched my life. So it is very relatable from my standpoint. It’s almost so incredibly similar in the details, that I wonder if we somehow know each-other. I too, met this man in my life long before I knew about SA. So, perhaps we were sugar dating with out knowing it. And no, there was never a ‘quid pro quo,” there was never an ‘allowance.’ Things happened organically.

Traveler – Would you mind me asking your age? I’m curious as to what you think is old

travelersbsays:

yesterday I had a date with a sugardaddy. I picked the place and dicided to go in a place that it was making a while I had not been, but I knew it is a good place well known in Montreal. The goal was not to make him spent an incredible amount of money but I happened to see the bill on the table and it was very expensive ! However, I’m starting to realize that I don’t like anymore the very snobby, expensive , impressing places. From times to times, yes. But most of the time, I want to go to chill places and dress in jeans and feel very natural. So, for my date of tonight with the potential boyfriend, I think I will ask him to cancel the reservation to the place he picked. That’s a very nice place also. I think he is trying to impress me, but I don’t feel like that tonight. I’ll put my high heels and do the show, but not in that snobby place. There are some snobby places where I feel very comfortable though. But usually they are place I often go to. If I am a regular costumer or if the guy with whom I am is a regular costumer. That is fun!

Thanks TravelerSB and Jessie!! 😀

travelersbsays:

And she’s back!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA MOLLY! mmmmmwwwahh

Jessiesays:

@AM – I only have five minutes and I decided to check in to see if you’d been on. I’m sooo happy to see you. BTW, put on some music, sing on top of your lungs, dance like you’re crazy or watch Dexter (I know you love him too ;). I’m dedicating Demi Lovato’s Skyscraper to you…go watch/listen it on youtube.

@NC Gent – Hey you. You seem to be doing well, but if you ever get dumped (which I know won’t happen) you already know you’re my blog crush so holla ;).

Thanks Jessie! I REALLY appreciate that! Just having someone say “Happy B-Day” to me is a great blessing. 😀

Thanks again!
AM/NM! 😀

Nawty Mollysays:

Oh, BTW, He agreed to be exclusive..just to let all of you know.

Nawty Mollysays:

See, I’ve always been a monogamous type and SD/BF always promised me that he would be faithful ( I’m not into seeing other people if you’re in any kind of relationship). So, when I found the stuff on his computer (I wasn’t snooping, I just wanted to log on to FB!) I was devastated!! He didn’t try to hide anything and I’ve always been there for him, unless I’m just totally incompasitated! I’ve been with him through thick and thin, he has said that when he broke up with his last GF, I was his natural second choice….I should have dumped him right then and there, but, I gave it my best shot. I’ve put up with a lot of crap and criticism, just because I thought I could make it work. Now, I’m not sure..I don’t know what to do!! I’ve investested a lot of time in this realtionship and if he is willing to go to a therapist to make it work, then, why shouldn’t I give it another shot?? I’m totaly confused and I don’t know what to do.

Nawty Mollysays:

Aww, thanks guys! I wasn’t even going to post, but, I thought it was appropriate. Today is my birthday and a new beginning. I apologize for the way I left things, it wasn’t the best goodbye I could have given. I will admit, I’m hurt and any kind of criticism that has been sent my way has been like salt in a wound. I may have over reacted, sure, I’m just in pain. I REALLY loved this guy and I thought he cared the same way about me. That’s all. I never meant to imply that I’m using anyone or that his generosity gave me the momentum to stay together. That’s not ture. I wanted to be with him because I truly cared, I loved him and still do!!

I appreciate all of your supportive comments and I want the best for everyone! Right now, I’m not feeling “at my best” so I think I should take a break from everything. I’m not happy, I’m not in the state of mind that would push me to find someone new. I wanted things to work! Sure, he may have had money or whatever, but, that didn’t matter to me. I just loved his drive and his need to be the best at everything. He was amazing Well to some degree.

I just want to say again how sorry I am for lashing out the way I did. It wasn’t right and I apologize. I’m hurting right now, very much, and critisism isn’t something I need to hear right now. I came hear to find support, that’s all. I just needed to vent. I didn’t ask for advice or anything! I appreciate all of your opinions, but, sometimes, it’s best to keep opinions to yourself…at least for a little while. I guess I should have thought twice about posting on a public blog, but, I’ve always thought of you all as my friends and friends support each other, not make them feel worse.

Anyway, I hope all of you find what you’re looking for and sugar dust all around! Take care everyone! I love you all.

NC Gentsays:

Hi Jessie — good to see you

I agree with VA SD — unless you have agreed to exclusivity, you don’t need to tell your SD about your bf.

VASDsays:

On travelersb and telling boyfriends and SDs… Unless you’ve told SD that you’re being exclusive, who you see on your own time an intitiative is your own business (even other SDs). Re boyfriend, if you become more serious and ‘exclusive’, then you’re going to need to drop your sugar life. He doesn’t need to know the gorey details, though.

Jessiesays:

Good Morning Everyone.

@AM – I hope you’re feeling better today. Just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday!!

I LoveWestCoastGirlsays:

“I doubt your new friend would be gauche enough to ask you if you slept with John, but if he does, you respond playfully without answering his question, eg, “My, are WE ever curious!” and then change the subject.”

So the next minute the guy looks at her eyes and says : “so , you Did sleep with him!” (unless he is retarded or does not care).

Jack I did to know you married your nurse from ER, all the nurses I know in the USA are hunting for doctors:) to marry a MD or sue MD for sexual harassment .
And ER nurses are the meanest (from my expireience , I’ve worked for 6,5 years in American hospitals).

An alternate (if you even need to discuss it ) is to explain that he is a mentor and friend.

Or as a friend was prone to explain, he was the administrator of her scholarship fund.

Jacksays:

My heart goes out to you, Nawty Molly. I realize that all of our words now probably aren’t going to make the pain go away–but time will. Wish you all the best.

To Traveler–go on your date and tell him what WCSD and JustAThought recommended. If you feel you HAVE to say more, you can say you met the guy you went to see (I’ll call him John) on a dating website, and because you like adventure (as you’ve previously stated on this blog), you accepted John’s offer to fly you down and to have even more adventures in John’s town.

If you had a great time with John, you can even describe some of things you did together that constituted your adventures. Interestingly, telling this to your new guy is not only telling the truth (if it applies) but it also makes you look adventuresome and fun.

I doubt your new friend would be gauche enough to ask you if you slept with John, but if he does, you respond playfully without answering his question, eg, “My, are WE ever curious!” and then change the subject.

I have given the issue you raise some thought for various reasons, and it made me think of something that I think may give this “sugar” dating a bit of a different perspective. As I was thinking about this issue, I recalled that in 2002, when I met the woman I would end up marrying in 2003, and shortly after our relationship began, I paid off her $15,000 in credit cards and began to pay her monthly rent of $1400. NOTE well that this was LOOONG before I had ever heard of sugar dating or SA. I can also say that we were intimate at around the same time that I was paying her credit cards and rent.

So my question to you, Traveler, and others is, Were this woman and I “sugar-dating” without knowing it?

Obviously, we didn’t think we were. I’m sure the lady didn’t advertise that I had paid the credit cards and was paying her rent, but neither do I believe that either one of us were conflicted about it. But why weren’t we?

BECAUSE there was not a quid-pro-quo (ie, sugar in exchange for sex) and probably because we met in a more traditional fashion–she was a nurse in the ER where I worked.

But given that 20% of all marriages today result from internet dating, maybe the time has come to get over the fact that you met a new friend online. And contrary to most people’s perception (especially outsiders), my experience on this site has NOT been a quid-pro-quo. In other words (and I know SD Guru and others would tell me and these ladies I’ve been meeting that we are doing everything wrong), only a small percentage of the women I have met through this site even DISCUSSED the money component upfront, and yet I was generous with them (just as I was with the lady in 2002 who later became my wife) and I do not think they were disappointed at the end of the day.

My point, Traveler, is that if you can look at your connections on SA as non-quid-pro-quo (which I think you do, based on what I have read in your previous posts), maybe at least some of the conflict will go away.

For example, your thought process can very reasonably be that you met a guy on a dating website, and it turned out that he was both wealthy and a nice, fun guy, you undertook the adventure to go meet him, fun was had by all, and maybe, just maybe, UNRELATED to the fun, but just because his income is a hundred times (or whatever) greater than yours, he believed that a redistribution of wealth was reasonable and so he sent some sugar your way, in terms of cash or gifts, or who knows what.

The above is EXACTLY what happened with me in 2002–and yet nobody around thought there was any problem with it.

Stormcatsays:

AM ~ PS: I forgot to mention that i put truffle oil and chopped pecans in the sauce, which gives it a nice meaty taste/texture!

Stormcatsays:

AM ~ let’s just forget all this relationship BS and get back to life . . . and cooking (woo hoo) . . . tonight I’m making linguini with provincial spiced venison meatballs in a Parma Rosa sauce. I think it will be fantastic. Wish you were here to share it but otherwise what do you think of the concept?

Stormcatsays:

JustAThought ~ easy mon . . . the obvious is only obvious in the context of the audience and the situation. It always needs to be stated because most of those present are ignoring it and therefore are about to make a logical error. The most gentlemanly scientist I ever knew was renowned for stating the obvious at exactly the right moment. But it was always done succinctly at exactly the right moment. That’s what made it so valuable!

Tinasays:

your SD, not our. Interesting little typo I had

Tinasays:

@EllenSugarB: first, make sure you are honest with your SD. If there’s an issue, you might have to revisit the specifics of your arrangement. NEVER try to hide a relationship outside of your sugar, especially if intimate contact is involved. Make sure that your SD is fine with you having a relationship outside of your sugar – some SDs are fine with it, others not so much. IMHO, if you’re not exclusive with the non-sugar man, there shouldn’t be a problem. He should know that you’re not exclusive with him, and that you’re not interested in being so (yet, if you aren’t). He needs to decide if he’s willing to date casually or not, just as our SD needs to decide if he’s ok with you dating outside of your arrangement.

EllenSugarBsays:

Thank you, Tina. I know you were answering travelersb, but I had a similar question and your advice helped.

travelersb and ALL – I had to come clean to a guy who was interested in dating me about a sugar relationship I had at the time. I said, “There is a man in my life, not a boyfriend, but kind of a surrogate boyfriend. We don’t see each other all the time, but he’s been a part of my life for a long while now. And I don’t think I can pursue a relationship with you and maintain integrity while he is in my life. Right now, I’m not ready to let go of him. So it’s going to take some time.” His eyes got really wide and he looked surprised. But he still pursued a friendship.

Then, later, (two weeks ago lol) I met this other guy who I really like. We’ve dated a few times, and, oops we had sex once. It was too soon (for me) and way too early for either of us to know that we want exclusivity. So, sex wasn’t based on my brightest decision making skills. Usually I wait and make sure that we want something together first – but I already messed that one up. Also, this man who’s been my surrogate bf (SD) for two years is still very much a part of my life. :: Burying head in hands :: Now I don’t know what the heck to do. Over the past two years when I’ve had a bf, I tell my SD “I can’t see you because I have a boyfriend.” And we only see each other when I’m single. But this new guy isn’t “exclusive.” Argh…Im confused!

Tinasays:

@Jessie – you’re right, AM needs some good comfort food! I have a crawfish pie in the oven at the moment – mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Jessiesays:

@Grasshopper – LOL. You know you and I are always on the same page, practically reading from the same book ;).

@Content – Hey girl, what’s up? Found Bond yet?

@AM – Everyone knows you’re not feeling well, so I’m not taking your goodbye seriously. Just take care of yourself, try not to stress too much, get some sleep, eat something (especially since Mr-Don’t-Know-How-To-Appreciate-A-Good-Woman isn’t monitoring you) and just relax. Try not to be too analytical…just let things be the way they are right now, and work on fixing things when you feel better. You already know how I feel about Crap Face, but nothing matters except what you want. BTW, if you don’t log in tomorrow how am I supposed to tell you Happy Birthday?

Tinasays:

@JustAThought SD: I’ll take that as a compliment I’m actually relatively shy in person, so I’m used to saying what I mean as quickly as possible to get the limelight off. Of course, the internet is a WONDERFUL thing for us introverts

@AM: gonna miss ya babe! Come back and say hi every once in a while! SMOOCHES! Go find your happiness!

@Grassaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay – howdee do!

@StormCat: dang those acorns! I fall asleep to the *fake* sound of treefrogs every night. Wish I had real ones around me, but I make do *sigh*

@travelerSB: I agree with JustAThought SD; find something that you can tell him that is close to the truth, but doesn’t leave it opne for discussion or any more questions. He can know you’re seeing other people, but he doesn’t need to bother with the details of what the relationship is. It’s frankly none of his business. If you guys do end up seeing each other exclusively, THEN he has a vested interest in knowing what your relationship is with the people in your life. If you’re casually dating, he has a right to know that you’re seeing other people (especially if you’re sexually active with others, mainly from a health perspective) but he doesn’t have a right to judge what those relationships are. At least, that’s the way I see things.

JustAThought SDsays:

@travelersb

Girl: A friend of mine invited me out to visit him.
Guy: Oh, really? Is this someone you’re interested in? Is it a boyfriend?
Girl: It’s not like that, but he’s a nice guy, so who knows.

At this point, you’ve stuck very closely to the truth. Guy understands that he may have to contend with this friend being in your future. I never immediately disregarded a girl just because she “might” be thinking of seeing someone.

JustAThought SDsays:

@Nawty Molly

I hate to see you go. I’ll be happy whenever you do decide to return. I hope you find the guy you’re looking for.

travelersbsays:

thank you WCSD, usually, I would agree, but not when it comes to my close friends. They always want to know everything about my life and especially if I travel. I know I should simply say all the truth to the guy, but what if he is very judgemental?

@Stormcat
“Sometimes I wonder can anyone who is not from Jamaca state the obvious in less than a thousand words?”

If it was truly obvious, would it need to be stated at all?

WCSDsays:

@travelersb – I don’t understand the conflict. If he becomes your boyfriend tell him that you don’t share your travels with friends and collegues because they sometimes get jealous. As for how you met on the plane, you were travelling to a old friends wedding, or a family reunion. It is simple and won’t ever be questioned. If you don’t make a big deal about it, neither will anyone else. Really what would you tell a coworker that you run into at the airport while you are going off to see a SD?? You’d make up something simple and quick, and that would be that. This is no different.

Really it isn’t anyone’s business why you are travelling, and if you keep it simple and short, no one is going to press you for more details.

@Molly — I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship I think you’ve been given GREAT advice by a lot of people…so I’ll just say that I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide to do with him!

Stormcatsays:

Grassi ~ Good to see you still here! Hangin in there with the dryhopper avatar. You could get a good meal here! A lot of dryhoppers around my place. The greys and blacks are dropping tons of acorns on my roof, the stripees are busily ignoring me, and the fruit flies are trying to steal my brandy. The wethoppers have abandoned the dried up springs and are invading my house in search of water. Seems autumn is imminent!!! I wrote this last weekend thought you might enjoy it. (Sorry, please forgive me, I had to use the language or the masses.)

Pre-Autumn Oaks
by Stormcat

August fifteenth! It’s a dark dawn this morning! Seems strange because the sky is clear. Then I realize that the summer is waning, that it’s only a bit more than a month till the autumnal equinox. The old ones know, and the squirrels, it’s never too early to prepare for winter . . . Eleven oaks surrounding the house and this is the bumper year . . . acorns like a hailstorm. They fall like missiles, point first, semicircular husk trailing. I wonder how many squirrels die from being hit on the head. I see the striped squirrels hiding under the spruce and hemlock, racing out to grab a nut, then, just as fast, retreating to safety beneath the thick boughs.

Another frog came in the house tonight. It trapped itself in a small box and I heard it jumping desperately trying to get the angle to clear the lip, but each time ramming into the sides. Surely it could have easily jumped out because when I tipped the box on its side it hopped away taking five and six foot measures with each leap. Now came the task of catching it . . . it couldn’t survive here in the house. So I tracked it into the living room, then under the wood stacked next to the stove then out into the kitchen past the pantry into the laundry room down the stairs to the garage and finally cornered it. It squirmed and pushed as I took it into my hands, but I held firmly and comforted it by telling it that now it was going to be much happier outside in the leaves under the bushes. Then I went a little way out the back door, cover of darkness, and set it in the leaves, bidding my new friend a fond farewell. . . I love frogs!

August sixteenth! Still dark at 5:30?! No clouds? Made coffee then felt a craving for the fresh beets and carrots stored in the fridge. The beet greens were far too old to eat so I placed them in the compost bucket with the carrot tops. . . everything was parboiled then shredded and made into a tasty late morning dish with crumbled goat cheese, provincial herbs, olive oil, sherry vinegar, and crushed pecans. A glass of red Rhone wine made it perfect and I wished my girl was here to share it with me. She would appreciate the pairing! I didn’t clean up right away . . . I never do when I’m alone. I just sat down at the computer and worked for a while. Later I cleaned up and took the greens out to the compost pile. That’s when I found it . . . my frog friend . . . a few feet from where I’d released it . . . splayed out dead on the leaves . . . an acorn beside it.

travelersbsays:

My problem at this moment in dating with the sugar lifestyle is that I met a 30 years old guy when I was in the plane for a trip that a sugardaddy had pay. I have invented a story about my trip when I was talking to him, but now, I am having a date with that 30 years old guy tomorow and I don’t know what to tell him about my life, my trips and my situation with men at this moment!!! In plus of that, if he turns out to be a real boyfriend, it is someone who comes from the same small town of where I grew up and since he works in finances and have a lot of contacts in Montreal, we might have a some people in common. Then, if I lie and keep my false story about my trip and he becomes my boyfriend, he will have to meet my friends and some of my friends don’t know nothing about my trip. So they would ask how we met and…. I would have to invent a new lie to explain my lie. And if I say the truth, what tells me he would not judge me and tell me I’m a whore?

It is not the first time that I find it hard to deal with sugardating, At work also , people keep asking me why I only work part-time. And people are so judgemental. At work there is a girl who was 22 when she started dating the boss who is 34 and everybody said that she is like a prostitute. She is my friend and I know how much she loves him and he is not giving her money. They pay their trips half-half usualy. She is so happy and feeling good since she is with him. It is frustrating to hear that about her. I think people are jealous in a way.

Back to my story, I’m feeling that this guy that I met could be a potential good boyfriend or at least a good friend, but at the same time, I want to cancel cause it just seems so complicated and without solutions. After all, what I want is an arrangement, not a boyfriend. But I would take some of the romance that a boyfriend can create. I don’t know what to do

travelersbsays:

@ Grasshoper, you might not care enough about any man at that point but one day without even you realized it, it will make months or years you are only ”casually” dating with someone and you will start to really give a shit and that’s where you might get hurted. But love worth the risk sometimes.

Anyway, I think that we can’t predict when love will happen and it’s rarely in the beginnings that it happens. It is long term relationships that are hurtful.

Miss Dsays:

Hello everyone, How is everyone!
@ Molly, get better soon. Focus on you and your health with the least amount of stress. I am sorry but maybe it’s time for him to get lost. Why, stay with someone who only values their needs as important.

@ travelersb and others. The sugar world is hard to deal with in reality. For me personally I can’t talk to or seek advice about anything that has anything to do with the sugar world to my family and friends. It’s hard, but the only thing I got is this blog and the kind people who take the time out to help me and others out. Sugar dating is still viewed so negatively by some people. Lol, even at work yesterday co- workers and I were talking about this case of a 23 year old Canadian senator’s wife who got arrested on a plane last week. However, what makes the story juicy is the senator is 68 years old. What my co- workers were saying about this girl was terrible, and I thought oh crap are people going to say this about me. Mind you their age difference is extreme, but still all the hate was so uncalled for. This lifestyle choice comes with it’s benefits but also comes with the negatives. You just have to see if it’s worth it for you.

D=R=A=M=A…Hmmm..life would be a bit boring if it didn’t exist at all, wouldn’t it! Glad I don’t give enough of a fuck about any man to ever cry myself a river over them 😉

@Jessie – Hi Girly!! :waves..blows kisses:

WCSDsays:

Molly – Wow, that seemed like a pretty violent reaction to fairly tame comments. Your boyfriend is a prick. No question about that. You have been cancelling on him because of your health…that isn’t in question either. Flyr was saying that when things ‘change’ in the relationship (many cancellations suddenly) people will react to that (whether in a sugar relationship or not). A prick (your bf) will react the way he did, and other’s will react differently.

I didn’t see (but could have missed) about you needing to give in more. In actuality your ‘bending over backwards’ to never cancel prior to now probably gave him a bit of an unrealistic expectation, but again…he is a PRICK (and every comment I’ve seen is agreeing with that assessment).

Anyway, your choice to potentially leave the blog saddens me, but in the end we are all just strangers talking online, so we aren’t a big loss in your life. Get yourself healthy (both physically and relationship-wise) and I wish you all the best of luck!

NC Gentsays:

I am “real.” I have met numerous people from this blog. I have routinely offered advice over the years that I have been visiting here.
I am not associated with SA in any manner — volunteer or compensated.

I don’t believe in trolls, unicorns or mermaids. There are a lot of really great people that post here on a regular basis. I don’t always agree with everything said, but that would be boring if I did.

Hey Stormcat — sorry for not saying hello earlier! I hope all is well. Shoot me an email if you would like to catch up.

EllenSugarBsays:

WHOA! What the heck happened?

Molly is going bye-bye? Fake people on the blog?! I’m not fake and I don’t even know anyone on here. Trolls?! Do you mean the treasure trolls with the neon hair and the gems on their belly button? Pretty sure trolls don’t exist…or fairies…or vampires…or shifters.

However, 5’10” walking barbie doll scammers DO exist I’ve actually met a woman of that variety. Pretty on the outside, but ugly on the inside.

Crickets also exist. I’ve heard them, Business Guy. But I also wouldn’t have had any input for your inquiries.

flyr – “The need to be a protestor in a distant city…” Ha! Valid reason to flake lol

If a guy suggested plastic surgery either (1) Accept the suggestion as an offer to pay for said alteration, (2) Say, “Ok, maybe we can do a two for one and give your testicles a little nip-tuck.”

Molly, if you read any of these posts, I think if you retreat to your dungeon for some zen time, you’ll come out feeling a lot better. Just because this one guy is an uber-douche doesn’t mean that all guys are – I don’t know if you want to permanently extract yourself from the entire male population. But I feel you, when someone cuts us that deep it hurts and sometimes we go into protective mode. A little time and a lot of love tends to heal.

Stormcatsays:

Well I got up this morning and found a message from a really pretty girl who I would consider perfect . . . 5’10” long blond hair, pretty eyes, slender with perfect breasts, great smile OMG I’m immediately in love, ready to sell the farm and spend it all on raucous living with her in exotic lands. . . Then her profile gets deleted and I realize it was all a fishing scam to collect personal info. I didn’t give any out but wtf it made me feel like an idiot! I guess I’m not such a bloody effin genious after all!

Nawty Mollysays:

Nawty Mollysays:

I have been with this guy for over a year and up until this last couple of months, I’ve NEVER canceled on him. I’ve missed on on family stuff, open houses, and the like just to be there for him, so, I don’t want to hear shit about me giving in just a little more. It’s bullshit! Just because you guys give money or contribute, doesn’t mean we should sacrifice EVERYTHING just to be at you becking call.

I’m done…I will never come back to this blog again! Fuck off. Most, if not all, men are too selfish for my taste.

Take care everyone, I will never come back…

flyrsays:

@Nawty

I think you are getting off track somewhat.

Going back to basics, some of the foundations of a sugar relationship are

Simplicity, I have no idea of how you have handled it but to the extent possible I think it is important to leave issues out of the relationship or minimize the impact. I realize it is not easy with your health problems and I wonder if your condition is being aggravated by what is obviously an unhealthy situation right now. Disengagement may be the best thing you can do to resurrect the relationship

“Does anyone understand what I’m saying? I don’t want to be with someone who puts an emphasis on this shit.” That’s all the information you need. Consider all that you have put in the relationship to be sunk costs, Either start over from 0 or find someone new. But before that I would work on getting healthy.

There are all kinds of well founded reasons why SB’s need to cancel on occasions – children, school, health, travel, the need to be a protestor in a distant city. A strong relationship overcomes these until the balance consistently changes. Then it’s like a rock rolling down a hill gaining momentum.

I’ve been blessed with an sb who, while she has a complicated life, makes the effort to more than makeup for any adjustments I need to make.

Nawty Mollysays:

Look, SA IS NOT, the best place for finding romace. However, if he had such an issue with the way women looked, he shouldn’t have dated me in the first place. He is very shallow in this area and I can’t deal with it. I have too much crap going on in my life to deal with this kind of sh*t. I’m done. I can’t do it anymore. Too much stress, more that what I already have.

I’m 138 and 5’7″ I’m well within the normal weight for someone my height. My weight is distrubuted well (full body) and I also have Graves Disease. I know that my weight will always be a struggle, but, if he really cared, it shouldn’t be an emphasis. Does anyone understand what I’m saying? I don’t want to be with someone who puts an emphasis on this shit. He has alway told me that I’m the best he has ever had. The sex is AMAZING, it’s, just that he has issues with me being imperfect. I can’t handle that. He says that he is in great shape for a guy in his late 60’s, I beg to differ. He has issues of his own. He my be able to spin for an hour, but, that doesn’t give a fantastic body! I’ve never made a negative comment towards him (eventhough he has a pot belly and a hernia). I’m just not like that. My emphasis is on the person, I love someone for who they are, not their potential.

I think he points out my flaws in order to make himself feel better. What the hell?? I don’t get into that crap.

I don’t really post in an effort to get sympathy or whatever. I just post to vent. So, thanks to all that have commented. I appreciate it. 😀

Nawty Mollysays:

I just want to make things clear. I know where I met him, he promised to be true and I belived him. I love him for who he is, NOT what he is. I never asked for anything, he was always on my butt for not being more demanding! I just wanted to be with him and I guess that’s my cirme. When someone promises me something, I hold them to it. I try to do the same thing, If I promise someone something, I try to come through. Sometimes things happen that are beyond your control, but, I think that people should be more understanding.

I never asked for anything! I never asked for an allowance, or a car, or a large check every month! I never asked for any of it! He did it because at the time he really wanted to do it! We are having problems because I couldn’t be there when he said I should be. We are having problems because I’m having health issues. He said some terrible, hurtful things to me and I’m not going to put of with it. If I wasn’t everything he ever wanted, why date me to begin with?? I understand that guys date girls based on shallowness, but, what is his deal?? He said he loved me for who I was and is, not what I could become. I don’t want someone to be with me based on my potential, I want someone to be with me because of who I am. Is that so wrong? No, I don’t think so. I never expected to have feelings the way I do for him. He is my everything. He is all I’ve ever wanted. He can be kind and ture. He is uplifting and kind (to a point) I just wanted someone to love me for who I was, not what I could do for them and vice versa. I just wanted a REAL relationship. Grant it, this isn’t the best place to find such a romance, but, when your heart get involved (eventhough you try not to let that happen) you can’t ignore it.

Anywho, I’m tired of talking about all this crap and ready to move on.

Nawty Mollysays:

ILWCG ~ We were planning on going to Gemany. A trip that I was really looking forward to, but, he is renovating a home in Nantucket and it didn’t sell within the time frame he was expecting. When evever he get’s below a million $ in his account he gets nervous so our trip has been postponed.

We’ve been talking and what not. Who knows what will happen, but, I’m standing my ground on what I believe is right. Even if a couple has a disagreement, no one should make mean, hateful comments to one another. Plain and simple.

Thanks to all of those that have given genuine support. I really appreciate it.

CaliforniaSBsays:

This blog sounds so clickish… are there any real people posting here? I only see the same names, week after week….

I LoveWestCoastGirlsays:

it is funny I had a SD in NYC who is 66 year old. Such a great guy , so cool as 26 y old, tall
Lean athletic body (And i can not imagine he would criticize my not perfect body ).
we still e mail, text each other. he would write “love the memories” , I would write “you are one of the most decent and honest people on this planet” ; he would answer “you are not normal , you are a very smart and intelligent person, I love your thought process and the way you look at life” .
we make each other smile every week.

It is nice to keep sugar relationship SUGAR (with boundaries and financial perks), then apart and have great memories.

AND in real life dating if I write a cute sexy note to a guy he gets scared I want him to be a BF or a husband and ignores my notes. which makes me feel rejected, not sexy, needed plastic surgery.

I LoveWestCoastGirlsays:

Anna Molly.

Sorry you have been sick and sorry you are having problems with your SD.
I am with TravelerSB on this.

He is 67 y old, 20 years older! He should deeply appreciate having a woman like you with him – you are sincere , supportive , caring with him. You have a relationship now, not a sugar dating , so he should be Very appreciative.

BUT! He is from Sugar web site , he got used to the attention and spoiling at the sugar dating – girls are fun, happy, healthy, no problems. it is easier for him to get a new SB than deal with problems.

Guys who have been through sugar dating are spoiled , can not be used for the real life relationship.

AM. I thought you two have the tickets to Germany for the next month – now you will not go? or you can still travel separately .

JustAThought SDsays:

@Tina

That’s exactly what I was trying to say. There are times I wish I could do it in 1 paragraph.

Tinasays:

@SDinLA: well well well decided to FINALLY show back up eh? I had a special post for you 2 or 3 blog topics back, but I’m assuming you never got it. Phooey

@AM: I can’t speak for him or what he might be thinking. The best advice I can give is for you to do what makes you happy. If you’re not happy, then it’s time to move on, even as much as it may hurt to do so. You mentioned that you wanted to find someone to love YOU for YOU as you are. You need to find someone that you love for who HE is, and not someone that you have to explain away the hurtful things that may happen. It’s definitely ok to have flaws, especially in a relationship, but you have to be with someone that can deal with your flaws. Someone that can be happy with the person that you are, including the flaws.

Stormcatsays:

AM ~ Well it’s a little late to be saying hi to me since we’ve been conversing for a couple of hours (althoiugh I’m always happy when you notice me) SDinLA on the other hand is from hollywood and has been trained from birth about how to make an entrance so since you included me with him in saying hi tells me that you consider my contribution almost spectacular!!! LOVE YOU BABY\!!!

Regarding, plastic surgery. Remember it usually has permanent effects on you (not just physical ones.) Dealbreakers are good things to bring up during your talk.

JustAThought SDsays:

@Nawty Molly

Guru spelled it out pretty well, but I’m not going to candy coat my words. At your age, I’d prefer you get what you’re really after rather than what everyone thinks you need. (What I think you want, anyway.) I won’t tell you anything like “you deserve better”, or “you were too good for him”. I won’t tell you he’s too old to be selfish. The truth of the matter is that it’s simply a matter of perspective. His friends may have heard that this super sb was suddenly always sick, busy, or complaining about driving, now that she’s gotten a car and some good allowance. I’m not saying that you are this way at all. I’m merely trying to give a different perspective. This may have also lead him to start searching again, or at least checking new sugar options. I don’t know when he started leaving the website up. Keep in mind, you both have trust issues. I’m not trying to build a case for either of you, for who’s right or wrong, no one is. You picked this guy; he picked you; you both saw and ignored any warning signs. (Not to mention 12 month sugar is above the average.) If you still want him, go for it.

I’m trying to look at this objectively, I think you actually want long-tern love and a relationship with an affluent guy. I don’t know or care if this is the guy. I think you want someone that is going to love you for you. Someone who’ll be aware of and work with your health problems.(Like coming to see you, maybe with soup.) Someone that won’t mind if you gain 15 lbs. and will tell you about it tactfully, and will offer you resources to work on it. (Or workout with you if that’s your thing.) Imagine someone that will chew your ass out mildly for spending the whole day without eating.Not because you’re a child, but because sometimes as adults it takes another adult to point out a priority we don’t see. And, someone that loves you will tell you about the little things before they lead to big things.

If you actually want to be with this guy, you need to talk to him and air out both YOUR and HIS grievances, concerns, and fears, including where he’s at in the relationship (if that’s what this is.)

If y’all don’t get back together, you’re awesome either way.

And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop making demands and ultimatums, thinking that guys won’t walk away. I believe men are foolish, stubborn, and prideful more often than you are. The same goes for asking for something you really don’t want (esp when you’re angry.) “We need to take a break” from you translates into “we’re done.” At that point, you may or may not get “baby, please don’t” or “F.U.B.” You’re just rolling the dice. If he’s hurting you by the things he says, you can always walk. You don’t need to take a break to prove he loves you or you love him. Say what you really mean…not to us on this blog…tell him. Love’s about the things that happen when you’re together and apart, and working out the probs…or not.

You do have my sympathy, I believe you can be a wonderful person. You are still loved. Many people will remind you.

Don’t let anything someone say to you get you down, remember, to me you’ll always be..

~~Munce… Tice… Fee tines a mady~~

@Stormypoo I think you wrote the book on wookin pa nub in all da wong places! 😉

Stormcatsays:

Guru ~ I’ve known you long enough not to get drawn into your retoric! I ‘m sure my answer would be good for the blog but not for me. Suffice it to say that the message was recieved by the party(ies) for whom it was intended and you were a pawn in the process! (sorry!) Anyway you have my private email if you really want to know!

VASDsays:

Simplicity Wuuut?!

Molly, yes, come down, Simplicity and I can both ply you with liquid courage. And no butterflies, neither.

Simplicitysays:

Hello all my first day of the new semester has finally come to an end, I see you have all been very busy.

Molly– Darling I’m so sorry. I think you were too good for him anyway. You should venture down to DC and we can have a wonderful weekend meeting this quality guy I know… His name is Jack Daniels and he has a friend Morgan that is some kind of Capitan I’m sure they could spend a weekend treating you right and making you smile LOL

VASD— you naughty, naughty boy…

VASDsays:

@Guru EVERYTHING!

VASDsays:

@Guru I had the privelege of having a pair of SBs for a time (roommates). On our second ever date, took them to a fine restaurant. Handed one a sealed bag containing a remote butterfly and told her to go to the ladies room to put whatever-it-was-in-the-bag on…then, once she left, handed the remote control to her friend. The first lady came back to the table blushing and grinning–just as the waiter arrived to take our orders. “I’ll have the…YEE-HAAA!!!”

VASDsays:

Dear Loving Molly,
So very sorry to read that you’re in so much pain. From what you’ve written, though, I’ll have to agree with Stormcat, travlersb, Jessie et al. who peg this guy as toxic and demeaning–not good for you, and you do indeed deserve so much better.
xoxo

Nawty Mollysays:

All of you are great. Im so glad I have a place to turn to!

NC Gentsays:

speaking of being dumped…. I am 100% certain that any woman that I have dated would dump my bootie if I suggested she needed plastic surgery. However, it is something I would never even fathom of doing though.

@Nawty Molly

I’m sorry to hear that your relationship has run its course. It wasn’t that long ago that you gushed about him in this post. But since you described it as a “real” relationship, then drama and heartache are to be expected and shouldn’t be a surprise. Having said that, there is no excuse for him to treat you the way you described, and perhaps you ignored the warning signs because of his generosity and how you felt aobut him.

It’s easy for me to say, but it sounds like it’s time to move on.

@Stormcat“Let’s just say that the kitten and the cell phone will never be returned unless someone shows up in person.”“Jennibug aka euphoria is a sweet vivacious energetic girl who will make your life complete as long as you don’t make a mistake!”

I’m not understanding your cryptic response about what happened. Could you explain in plain English please? What mistake did you make?

@Tina“why yes, yes I have had the pleasure of a remote controlled egg. The fun depends on who has the remote and how creative you both can be.”

It works really well during dinner to set things up for “dessert”. Just ask VASD!!

Doh!! Why didn’t I think of that!!

@VASD

So what was for dessert?? 😛

NC Gentsays:

EllenSugarB — we go out together in public almost every day, albeit in neighboring towns. Neither of us are embarrassed to be seen together. We workout together, go for lunch (almost every day), go for coffee, go to movies, concerts, travel together, etc. I have met some of her casual friends, and she has met some of mine. She wishes she could tell her family and closest friends about me. Her best friend is constantly trying to set her up on dates, and she hates lieing to her. Her family asks a lot of questions when she is out of town for extended periods of time.

She dresses conservatively and she can pass as an employee of mine. We find it amazing the probing questions that complete strangers will ask.

I try to be as supportive, understanding and available as I can be. However, it wouldn’t surprise me if she eventually decides it just isn’t worth it and dumps me. I try not to worry about things I can’t control though. I found it very interesting that others were experiencing the exact same situation.

I am so sorry about this Molly, but I know one thing for sure is that you deserve much better!

travelersbsays:

I find that amazing that a 67 years old man is still at that point. Damn! he had 67 years to observe the world and understand it. How come he still thinks that a 37 years old woman who knows who she is needs him to decide that she should or should not have plastic surgery?? And How come people are still so selfish at that age??!?! I will never understand. That makes me so sad to see it. He doesn’t realize what he is missing. And he should enjoy those non superficial things now before it’s too late. He already had 67 years to be superficial anf selfish. Why doesn’t he take a break and take the time to apreciate what he has and give some of his time and love to someone like you who has shown that you deserve his love?!?

EllenSugarBsays:

Molly – OH this is a SD … hmmm … ok so maybe he can give you the financial support, but not the love. Kinda common in Sugar, no? Do you WANT plastic surgery? Yes? Then he can pay for it. Hey, HE suggested it!

Sorry I didn’t realize that this bf evolved from sugar, so take my comments as you will.

EllenSugarBsays:

Molly – Fear and Love cannot coexist. And yes, he sounds insecure. And manipulative. Dare I say it? Abusive. I’m sorry if I sound harsh, it’s just that I have heard the things that you are saying SO many times from other girls, and experienced them myself.

So I repeat, If he isn;t giving the support that you want, then he needs to go.

Nawty Mollysays:

EllenSB ~ Thanks! LOL! I know I’m not “PERFECT” but, I’ve given my all to this guy and it should count for something. He has been very supportive, he has given me a new car and a generous monthly allowance, but, I feel like it is all based on my potential, not what I am.

Nawty Mollysays:

Thanks Stormcat. I’m very knowledgeable about what I need to eat. My usual diet consists of about 4 to 5 very small meals per day that are high in protein. Sometimes however, I can’t or don’t have time to eat until the evening. My man seems to think that on those days, I overeat by actually eating a normal portion of food that is suited for one person so he wants me to share a single portion of food. Sometimes I’m starving, but, I end up sharing anyway which (considering the types of restaurants we go to) could be a 1/2 cup of food!! I leave the table a lot of time still hungry.

EllenSugarBsays:

NC Gent – My guy was married, as well. (Although, he didn’t tell me that for the first 4 months. Bad Boy, I know.) There came times where he missed me and wanted to see me, and I happened to have family/friends in town. So, I wasn’t going to bail out on them and I said, “Hey, so and so is going to stop by and say hello, ok?” He didn’t have a problem with it. One prior SD was not married, two were. None of them had a huge problem being in public with me or meeting any of my friends. Like I said, I’m lucky in that way. Also, I dress demurely and have a corporate background – so if ever someone saw us in public, I could easily pass for a colleague. But I make it clear that THEY are the ones who are going to have to introduce me in whatever context they wish as whomever they wish to introduce me as, and I agree to just smile and be cordial with the people we come in contact with. I had to be honest with these guys and say, “I LOVE our intimate time. But if we are always cooped up its going to make me feel like you’re ashamed of me – married or not.” There are things you can do, like go for coffee, or go on a hike, or just a short walk at night – so long as your girl can respect your position ad refrain from PDA is that really so terrible? I’m just saying this so she doesn’t end up feeling so bad that she ends up dumping you – which is certainly a possibility if it’s really getting to her as of late.

Molly – If he isn’t giving you the support you want, then he needs to go. Telling you to get plastic surgery?! Too bad there isn’t any plastic surgery available for his personality.

Stormcatsays:

OK 3 posts in a row NOT GOOD
AM ~ It doesen’t mean he doesn’t love you! It means he doesn’t know how to love you in the context of his own issues and fears. Maybe too, you don’t know how to love him in the context of your own issues and fears. If you say that and go there maybe you can learn how to let your mutual love through. It wouldn’t be so painful if there wasn’t love on the line.

Stormcatsays:

AM ~ I know that beautiful is for me something not vested solely in the physical. In fact beauty is more in the heart. At 5’7″ 130 lbs you are far from overweight. It is not you or your weight that is the problem. It is him and his insecurity and need to compensate for that insecurity that is motivating his behaviour toward you. You need to be unflappable on this point!

Stormcatsays:

AM ~ He He, you make me feel good!
OK . . . Listen to the Doctor now about your diet. You need to be eating small meals often. Biochemically your body reacts to discontinuous consumption as if you are never going to have another meal again The result of that is that your body starts into conservation mode and converts as much energy as it can into fat storage. If you eat small meals often your body doesn’t go into conservation mode so you don’t put on weight. It’s a tricky game. The thing about your situation that bothers me the most though is not the weight fight that you are struggleing with. Rather it is that if your guy was a loving gentleman he would never be demeaning but instaid would be positive and supportive. If he is demeaning to you it is from his own lack of confidence, not from whatever percieved flaw he points toward.

Nawty Mollysays:

Stormcat ~ Ya know, it doesn’t have to be the most beautiful person from a physical sence. There could be a woman who knocks at your door who may not fit the average physical discription of attractive, but, her inner beauty trumps all. That is the person I want and that is the person I thought I had found, but, his shallowness is something that I don’t think could ever be overcome. I want someone who loves me for the person I am, not the person his imagination wants me to be. He wanted me to get plastic surgery, but, why? From what he told me, I fulfilled everything that his HEART desired, why should the physical be such an important roll in his overall happiness???

Jessiesays:

@AM – You’ve got to evaluate if this relationship isn’t too stressful for you, and isn’t in fact one of the reasons for your flare up. It can’t be good to constantly listen to someone tear you down. I know you’re a strong, confident, intelligent woman, so if you decide to work on the relationship things should continue only on your terms. If he starts talking crap, get up and leave. I don’t just mean the room, I mean get in your car and start driving home. Is this someone you seriously want to spend 24/7 with? You seriously need to do a pro and con list, and your health and well-being need to be first always. He definitely sounds toxic, and not someone I’d want to call friend, much more lover.

My heart really hurts for you, because I know how happy you’ve been the last few months. But happiness is no good if it’s only fleeting.

Nawty Mollysays:

I’m devastated. I don’t like feeling like I’m the bad personI I just don’t undrestand…?? What did I do? I can’t help the fact that I’m sick. I’ve been with him in situations where I should have stayed home! I’ve been so sick that I couldn’t get out of be and I was there for him. I just feel like he is being so selfish that it can’t be overcome and it’s over for good.

BusinessBreaksays:

One seen the old posts.

With this influx of New SB in much greater volume, hasn’t the risk of flakes and frauds increased to a level the astute SD should be cautious of?

I would like to hear how we are being protected?

I’m all for it. I’m generous and qualified. I like the excitement and appreciate risk. But I don’t desire unacceptable levels of risk. Convince me that things are just as secure as they were a couple of years ago

Nawty Mollysays:

Stormcat ~ I think you’re right. I guess I thought I wasn’t looking for love so to speak, but, when I met this guy, I just fell head over heels. Maybe I was dooped? Although, I don’t think “taking me for a ride” was his intention. I just want someone to except me for who I am, not who I could be. I want someone who understands that life can be a b***h, I’m a VERY trustworty person and when I decided to have a relationship with someone, I will be commited, (I never gave him reasons to NOT trust me, he knows about the blog and all of my personas). I just don’t understand all of this! What did I do that was so wrong??

Nawty Mollysays:

Stormcat ~ It’s not silly at all. We are both hopeless romantics.

Nawty Mollysays:

I can’t help the fact that I’ve been sick. I have autoimmune issues anyway so it’s like I’ve been sentenced to being sick longer than the normal person. He even thinks that my issuse aren’t real (thyroid issuse). I have Graves Disease, so, the meds or herbs that I’m on slow down my metabilism and I may gain 10 to 15 pound every now and then. I try to take care of myself, but, he always has derogitory things to say about my weight. I need plastic surgery, lipo, I don’t need to eat as much ( which I don’t eat a lot to begin with). He’s just the type of person who can totally destroy any self-esteem you might have. I’m not even sure why I care so much! Why should I, he can be a total jerk and I told him the next time you go to your therapist, you need to talk about these issues. …he should, because, if he dates anyone else in the near future, they will be un-pleasently surprised by his attitude, unless they are perfect.

I’m 5’7 and my weight is an average of 135 pounds..give or take a few. I’m not fat by any means! I’m 37, I don’t exercise too much because of DR orders, but, I try to eat right! Sometimes I may eat quite a bit, but, it’s only because it’s the only meal I’ve eaten all day. I’ve tried explaining this to him, but, he doesn’t seem to understand. Most times, we have to share an entree becase he thinks a full entre for one person is too much, but, if you haven’t eaten all feakin’ day, you’re gonna be freakin’ hungry!

He got after me the other day because I had two small slices of fresh Mozz. and two slices of bacon! He said “It’s not good to eat too much” I said “Eff U!”

Stormcatsays:

AM ~ My long time friend, I think you, like I, have been looking for love in the wrong place. Not that that makes it any better or easier. I mean I sort of believe that someday the most beautiful woman I have ever seen will bang the gong that hangs at my front door (my doorbell) and when I answer she will joyfully throw her arms around my neck and kiss me, with the most tender touch, a kiss that will last so long that it will take the rest of our lives to finish! How silly is that?

Nawty Mollysays:

Thanks Jessie and Traveler. I am very sick, but, I’ve tried to push though. I have put up with him contacting ex-girlfriends and leaving the SA sign up page on his computer, lying, be-littleing me, being inconsiderate and everything inbetween. I guess I’m a total idiot that didn’t see the signs of doom beforehand.

I really thought that he had turned a corner because he has been seeing a therapist and his attitude towards our relationship has been amazing. We had even planned on seeing his therapist as a couple pretty soon. We just felt that it was a good idea since we both had trust issues. I’m just in shock really. I haven’t done anything wrong IMHO!

Jessiesays:

Jessiesays:

@AM – I think you’re too sick to deal with this right now, so don’t try and “argue” with him it’s only gonna make things worse. I don’t understand why he don’t make arrangements to come and see you since you’re not feeling well, rather than have you drive 2 hours to him. Taking a break isn’t really the answer either, you both need to come up with a compromise. Can’t the birthday plans be put on hold, and you celebrate later? And what does he mean you need to “take a break so you can pull your life together”…does he think you’re making yourself sick? I know you love him, but he sounds like a tool right now. Who doesn’t put the person they care about first, especially knowing they’re not feeling well? Though this will be difficult to do, try and get some rest, work on taking care of yourself and fix things with him later. No point in worrying yourself, ’cause that will only create more stress and make you feel worse both emotionally and physically. Sending good thoughts your way, and I’m only wishing this for you because I know it’s what you want…that things will work out okay with Mr-Not-So-Wonderful-Right-Now.

travelersbsays:

I am sure he will call you back. I hope he will accept to be more tolerant with you in the future. You did the right thing by telling him your feelings and tell him that you should talk later when everything will have cool down.
I’m giving you a big virtual hug. mwwwaa

Nawty Mollysays:

We had a real relationship. I really love him, but, I found some things on his computer last week that really upset me, so, I already had a bee in my bonnet. Maybe I overreacted, or, maybe he did…not sure. I’m really upset over this. Don’t know what to do…

Actually, It has been a year this month, so, not only is it my b-day, it’s our anniversary.

Miserable Mollysays:

Sorry for the long post.

Nawty Mollysays:

I’ve been sick for the last month. I’ve been to the ER for a breathing treatment, I’ve been to the DR. and he told me to give it time and it will go away, well, it hasn’t. I got better for a while and now I’m sick all over again. He’s upset with me and told me we needed a break so I can pull my life back together. He wasn’t nice and he was pissed. He is a great guy and I’m doing everything I possibly can to be with him. I was there every week last month, but, this month has been all screwed up. I’m sick, I went on a trip for a couple of days, he’s been sailing and last week was the first time I’ve seen him all month. We made plans for today, tues and wed morning (my b-day) to be together. I’m just feeling awful and when I was there last week, I told him I woke up with a sore throat! He knows I’ve been ill, but, he had special b-day plans for me and now he’s pissed cause I said that if I didn’t come today, I would be there first thing in the A.M.! He won’t even be home til after 4 and it takes me over 2 hours to drive there! I can’t even focus properly, my ear is killing me, my throat is sore and I’m just feeling awful. I texted him and told him I’m waiting for a call back from the DR. to see if he would finally call in some antibiotics for me. He went off, said we should take a break and I told him that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with walking on eggshells everytime something comes up for me. I said we SHOULD take a break, a long break. This sucks! I told him to have a nice life and that I hoped that the next girl he finds will be perfect and more available than I have. I’ve gone through hell with this guy, but, I’ve always felt that he was worth fighting for! I just don’t appreciate the way he just treated me, especially knowing my b-day is on Wed and I’m sick. It just isn’t right and I’m tired. He’s a handfull!

Sure, I was mad and so was he, so, I told him to call me when he calmed down and if he wanted to talk. Sigh…I hate leaving things all messed up like this. We’ve been together for almost a year and this is the first real fight we’ve ever had! *HEARTBROKEN*

thank you Ellensugarb

VASDsays:

@Tina I’m trying to say I’m not looking, but I’m not being very good at it.

NC Gentsays:

Awesome post EllenSugarB — my sb/gf is going through those exact same feelings right now. We have been together about 7 months, and it is really wearing on her having to be so secretive. Unfortunately, we can’t be so open because I am married.

EllenSugarBsays:

Hi travelersb – Sorry to hear that you are experiencing discomfort separating your sugar world from your real world. I myself can relate to where you’re coming from. When I first joined this site, I too I felt as though I had to keep it a secret from my friends and family because I was afraid that they would judge me negatively for doing something so non-traditional. The thing is, the constant secrecy and lying by omission was eating away at me, and making me feel isolated from my loved ones. So, I decided to start being more open about sugar dating. When I was finally open with them about it, they were definitely judgmental, and that was hard to deal with because they are people I care about and value their opinion of me. Even my own brother said, “Isn’t that like whoring?” (That one stung a bit!) I said, “No, actually, it isn’t like whoring. Whoring is whoring. Period. But it IS ‘like’ how dad takes care of mom. It’s ‘like’ how wild male animals provide for female animals. It’s ‘like’ me dating a man, who I happen like very much and genuinely care for, and he has the means to do nice things for me and take me on trips. Aren’t I lucky?”

I guess what I’m trying to say is…In the midst of angst and self imposed isolation due to fear of being judged based upon my sugar lifestyle, I reached a point where I wasn’t happy and I knew that something had to change – that something was ME. I had to recognize that this lifestyle is a choice and a personal preference. And I had to learn to accept myself. Once I had accepted myself, and was confident in my lifestyle choice , I found that my loved ones became more accepting of me, as well. Also, I was very lucky that the SD/boyfriend/genuine friend at the time was very supportive and cared about me, so I felt comfortable introducing him to quite a few of my close friends and family.

Maybe there is at least one close friend that you can be open with? If not, or until you can find a confidante, I think people on this blog seem to be very supportive.

I hope there’s at least something in my post that helps a little bit. I’m not a therapist like Midwest, so she probably has more sound advice. I can only speak from experience. Hopefully my experience can shed some light on what you’re experiencing. In a nutshell, I think it’s important for you to have at least one person whom you don’t have to hide things from – and that might be a therapist for now. But eventually i hope you can be a little more open with the people you care about. Good luck

travelersbsays:

I’m starting to find very difficult to deal with my ”two differents lifes” Sugar and real. It’s very hard. I don’t want to lose my friends, but I know how they would judge me. I cannot mix any new friend met in a sugar context with my old friends. I have to face my family about the trips I do. I have to hide so many things to everybody. I have to lie all the time and I HATE to lie. But sugar dating is not something that everybody accept. Especialy not in the people who surround me. Almost everywhere in the world, I find that it is more accepted when a guy buys things for a girl or spoil her or treat her like a princess.

Visit your neighborhood Apple store. Look at how they manage the customer experience and expectations from product concept through final delivery.

Searching for my vinvac………………… my sb must have borrowed it for some nefarious purpose.

JustAThought SDsays:

@SBAdviceNeededPlz

Look back at some of the posts from the past few months. There’s a bunch of good info in there. This is a subject that gets touched on almost EVERY month. Go back and get that info, brush up your profile, and then ask again for someone to look it over when you get done tweaking. Keep working at it, and remember, no whining.

Midwest SBsays:

Awwww Stormy! I’m so sorry. Welcome back and know that you have been missed. I’m sure you have many stories to tell from the summer. I’ve gone from only having to work a few hours + sugar/school to p/t sb, full-time therapist and there’s always the mom thing. I’m exhausted by the end of the day. Note… it’s not an excuse, just a different situation.

I will apologize to others as well. I spend about 10 minutes reviewing the latest posts, and dash out the door to catch the few precious hours of summer weather we have left. Please don’t take my vagueness as indifference. Although I’m busier than I have ever been, I will make an effort to be more attentive. Love y’all!

SB advice needed plz – You will find this topic covered extensively throughout the blogs. Most recently in the August blogs. Bottom line – there is someone for everyone. Finding a genuine SD is difficult and can take months. Just keep trying as it’s worth it.

Hi Stormcat! After your post, I realized I was remiss as well

Stormcatsays:

Maybe not! Just that I so admire midwest that I’m dissapointed when she isn’t in synch with me!

Stormcatsays:

Midwest~ just goes to shoiw how steeped this site is in subterfuge. You, who I love and admire, didn’t even say hello or welcome back. Guru knows, cause he is the guru but you should at least say thanks for breaking your silence!

Midwest SBsays:

Guru – Tempted, but now my attention is directed toward the internet-controlled rabbit. I’m sure it’s GREAT for long-distance arrangements.

Thank you for clarifying my comment. I see we have new/renewed tools at our disposal, so hopefully the troll(s) has found other sites to terrorize. Haha…quick reflection to Jeff Dunham and Achmed…”I kill you”. Hehehehe

Anyone willing to help me heal this sore quad? Apparently playing softball in the rain without cleats will cause severe pain

Oh and btw Jennibug aka euphoria is a sweet vivacious energetic girl who will make your life complete as long as you don’t make a mistake!

Stormcatsays:

Guru ~ you’re a troublemaker!
Let’s just say that the kitten and the cell phone will never be returned unless someone shows up in person. Must be a recent development though bc the a-h just called this week to make amends. (The phone call was not accepted)

@VASD:are you trying to say that you’re not looking? I’m so smart!

Chocolate Fountainsays:

Sounds quite interesting…..i do hope to be present

VASDsays:

On number of SBs… I’ve have a set set of searches I check in on once or twice a week. My experience has been that they’ve been increasing quite significantly since this Spring. Every time there’s something in the media I’ve sensed a big bump.
And, when I’m looking, I always get a very good response rate–when I’m looking.

SB Advice Needed Plz !!!says:

1152288 – profile # I am 22 I am 5-5 106 lbs I’m intelligent in the sense I’m into animal and environmental rights as well as editorial journalism I love learning about different cultures of the world I’m educated and intense with commonsense I am articulate and carry myself always professionally one problem I’ve found when looking for SD profiles ….. No one wants a black girl ?!?!? I am originally from NYC I live in Miami Beach now I’m racially open and actual prefer dating outside my race and have been successful in my personal life but this site seems like it may be a different story ….. Advice please on how to keep it classy and get noticed and what exactly should I put into my profile ? I refuse to put up half naked photos of me that’s just not me and personally feel they need to earn me to see any skin …. All advice welcomed please email me if anything .

flyrsays:

New SB’s

It may be that the inrush of SB’s (mostly young) a few months ago discouraged a number of people and it is a natural balancing process.

I also think that it’s discouraging to have the negative comment on those who do not choose to go through the “verification” process , especially when the reasons are based on privacy rather than cost.

It’s the site owner’s prerogative to make the rules. However, in this case I think they are making a mistake. The featured profiles used to start with verified profiles and then switch to the general population, probably with an emphasis on newer members. Now it seems to have more focus on the “verified” profiles.

The statement that Verified profiles get 20x the number of responses is probably far more reflective of the fact that the pictures are promoted (without any other information) so a lot of people click on them just based on the picture. Certainly this will create more winks, emails , favorites etc. Without knowing what constitutes a response it’s hard to know the real value of the “verified ” tag. Is a)clicking on the person’s picture a response, b) sending a wink, c) sending a note d) making them a favorite. If you do all four is that 4 responses?

Seriouslysays:

Wow someone is a master at complaining.sweeten up hun! Cant be so bitter.You get more bees with honey not vinegar.

@A Disappointed Daddy“the reason you don’t see as much activity on the board seems to be because all comments are now moderated”

As Midwest SB pointed out, not all comments are moderated. One new filter was added along with the new blog format to automatically moderate comments from “new” bloggers to reduce spam and prevent trolls from posting under new names. When comments from new bloggers are approved then all subsequent comments from those bloggers will not require approval. However, if those bloggers post with a new name (even if it’s just a variation) or new email addy then they will be considered as “new” again.

Now that I’ve given away the blog secret I’m sure the spammers and trolls will return in full force! 😛

“The number of new sugarbabies is WAY down. I think the whole verification thing is the root of the problem.”

I’ll have to disagree with you on that one. Based on my own experience in two major metro areas, the number of new SB’s have actually increased and I would expect the same in other metro areas as well. Perhaps what you’re seeing is specific to your location and there may be other factors involved. IMO the new verification and SB gifting features are intended to attract more SB’s to the site, not to scare them away.

Having said that, I’m not doubting your experience and you should certainly feel free to vote with your wallet.

Re: BOB’s

Anyone ever tried a remote controlled “egg”?

@Euphoria

A Disappointed Daddysays:

@Midwest SB –

I think you’ve misunderstood my comments. My comment to Molly was in regard to her complaint that people were not responding to her in a timely manner, and my comment was because of the moderation, comments don’t get approved fast enough for there to be a banter back and forth. A comment you make, may not show up to others for several hours, and then of course someones response to that comment might be several hours later.

My other comment about the low number of new SB’s has nothing to do with the blog, but rather just that there’s not as many new members signing up for the site as there used to be. At last as far as SB’s go. I think verification is scaring people off, but that’s just a guess.

My real point was, because of the slowdown in new SB’s, I really see no point in renewing my membership. And I won’t until management figures out the problem and reverses it. All I can do is vote with my wallet to encourage the staff to figure out what the problem is.

Midwest SBsays:

Heyyyy sugars! Happy Saturday!

Love all this sexy banter! Nawty knows how to stir the pot! I’m so glad you and your man made up!

Disappointed SD – I’m sorry you feel the blog isn’t being moderated enough. There are a few volunteers (myself included) and sometimes the time just isn’t available. Just to note…not EVERY comment is being moderated. We’ve had to make some tighter restrictions due to trolls and there may be a glitch or two, but it doesn’t necessarily impact the amount of conversation going on. The troll has run a few off temporarily, and conversations that have been analyzed to death are a close second. There are new blog members on a regular basis and I hope you will stick around to enjoy them.

I’m also surprised you’ve seen a drop in new ladies. It may just be a plateau as we have seen a tremendous rise in bloggers over the summer. It seems that a small increase of bloggers represents a larger increase in members overall. If you’re depending on the verification process to be your screening tool, you might have to accept that a smaller pool of ladies will be available. I’m a quality SB with a lot to offer, but I do not see the need to be verified and share my personal information with someone who wants to tell the world I’m safe to date. In my opinion, that kind of screening has a few advantages, but I have my own screening tools. Honestly, that money could be better spent on a new LBD

I’m testing out my new contacts for monovision. It’s a pretty cool concept and glad to see better!!!

Off to enjoy the day!

kirasays:

damn these parties sound sweet i hope one comes to toronto soon ^ ^

Quettasays:

I know that I am very new to this and I would like to say hello to everyone in here. My name is Quetta and I like the fact that people are very honest. It makes it a lot easier for people to find out who they can be compatible with. That is all.

Grr.. I have a case of an SD who is a no show.

Tinasays:

@VASD: soft and spongy, just like those things should be 😉

A Disappointed Daddysays:

@Nawty Molly,

BTW, the reason you don’t see as much activity on the board seems to be because all comments are now moderated, and whoever is doing the moderation only does it every so often, which doesn’t seem often enough.

A Disappointed Daddysays:

I have been more or less a constant member of this site since darn near the time it opened. I have met many wonderful women. Unfortunately, I’ve let my membership lapse, and I will probably not renew unless things change.

I believe the whole “Verification” thing is a complete and total flop. There are only a little over 200 SB’s that have verified in the two months. I don’t have access to the number of men, but I would doubt it’s much higher.

I think it’s also had a detrimental effect. The number of new sugarbabies is WAY down. I think the whole verification thing is the root of the problem. Where a few months ago it was common to get 7-10 new SB’s a day in my list of locals, I am now seeing LESS than 1 per day (usually one, sometimes two, every other day).

Now, I know that there are ebbs and flows, and that certain times are slower than others, but we’re about to start school, and traditionally this has been a VERY busy time for new SB’s.

Something is seriously wrong here. Something is scaring away the new SB’s. There have been two major changes in the last few months, the new site design and the verification. I don’t think it’s the design.

When cooked right, RMO, can be very delicious! Lot’s of places down south serve them on their menues.

Nawty Mollysays:

Funny thing, I don’t really look at statistics. Why should we?! If we look at it, some of us could become discouraged and just give up. I’m not one of those ladies! Who cares what the statistics say?! I know I’m “interesting and unique” it doesn’t matter to me what ANYONE says! I don’t care about statistics or ratios or anyting of that nature. I don’t care cause I’m special, interesting and I have the confidence in myself to admit it! Sure. it may take a while for me to find to that “special someone” but, when I do, it’s FIREWORKS! People come here to find the extraordinary and I KNOW that I am that person!

I think a lot of us SB’s need to realize that finding the right SD is all about confidence and knowing who you are as a person, sexually and mentally! You have to be able to adjust to any social situtation that the SD provides and be eager for it!! I’m ready for anything and I WANT IT!!! It’s a challenge to me and I’m ready for it. Bring it on SD! I’m gonnna blow your mind!!

Dulce Vidasays:

Girls are Hawt! I’m curious but would need to be trained and told what to do.
And what all the fuss about a ” quality SD”. I have my standards but at the end of the day I just need you to be nice,make me come and give mama her money on time.Now is that too much to ask for?!

Tinasays:

@TXJesiLove: who cares if it’s not on topic? CONGRATS on all the goodness in your life! Share it with the world!

TXJesiLovesays:

Hello SugarLand!

I have not been on SA in a while, I’ve managed to fill my life with productivity which has unfortunately prevented too much time for Sugar Hopes.

I have obtained a decent job, I’m doing swimmingly in my Paralegal Studies course, and my daughter is learning how to sit.

I am excited, after I start working, I think I’m going to join a gym, because I think getting into a healthy routine like that would be something I could really enjoy. I know, my post is not on topic, but I feel good about my life right now!

Tinasays:

Oh, and btw, I’m not into girls either, I just like playing with Nawty She’s fun!

Tinasays:

@JustaThoughtSD: I’ve been in a silly mood lately, kind of giddy waiting to hear if I have a second interview for a position I REALLY want at work. (haha, I said position). And I quite enjoy some of your interesting little quips. FYI: my booty is SO not delicate. Just sayin’.

@VASD: Rocky Mountain Oysters? EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW

Dulce Vidasays:

Where’s my invitation? This plump juicy Latin booty hasnt been spanked in a while… I got the bee stings with an ass that swallows up a gstring. And miss Nawty can you pull out the nipple clamps too? Thanks 😉

Talking to this Sexy Pot. Wants to come over and tie me up while my husbands at work. Can’t wait for him to handcuff me, make me get on my knees and worship every inch of his …..
I hope he’s for real! My Va Jay Jay will be very angry if he’s playing games!!!

VASDsays:

Nawty, I’ll be watchin’ my behind.

On ratios, as an SD, I personally am quite happy with them. Like shooting fish in a barrel. I’m happy to share the wealth in that I’ve had several SBs over the years, but only a few times had 2 at the same time (same place, same time, same…).

Meetin’ up w Simplcity sometime soon over some mountain oysters and a Mason jar of shine. She should be able to spill all the hoary (whorey??) details about me after.

NC Gentsays:

Hello all – love all the ratio talk, but from my experience, when I found an attractive pot SB with her act together, I’ve had to work really hard to win her over because she had a lot of options. The ratios are definitely in the SD’s favor, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is easy, especially if you are seeking quality IMHO.

JustAThought SDsays:

@The Girl In Yellow in Pic
Hell no, I’m not cleaning up your hot mess, you shouldn’t have drunk so much.

JustAThought SDsays:

@Nixen
Sure we could take care of 12 sb’s, but that would be like 2 additional full time jobs…most sd’s would need all the extra sb’s to take away the stress of taking care of all the extra sb’s.

Regarding the sd/sb ratio: technically, you’d never run out of sb’s.

The ratio is even higher in our favor because 1 sd will not normally take care of 12 sb’s. Add in the fact that all 12 would have to decide to be exclusive to him to actually pull them out of the pool of available sb’s. (He’d have to be quite an interesting, wealthy,well-hung, time-managing sombish. Even Hef dropped from 7 to 3.)

New sb’s are still joining faster than people are dropping and faster than sd’s are joining.

This is the supply and demand from my perspective. Of course, it’s just a thought.

From comments on the London party….there was no even playing field there.

Quarterzsays:

how can i find a sugar daddy that loves an athletic slim fit girl with nice curves stand on there arm

Nixensays:

@Flyr

Sorry, this is too much fun to let go..

So let’s look at the orginal quote:

“THE OTHER WOMEN
When taking your search for a Sugar Daddy offline and into the arena, be prepared for fierce competition. On the website, there are approximately 10-12 sugar baby members for every sugar daddy member in any given area. At this party the playing field will be a little more even, but still expect the women to outnumber the men at least 3 to 1. ”

So, clearly this suggests that a 3 to 1 ratio is a ‘fierce competition’ that a SB needs to really be ready for. It also suggests that on the site, the equiviant ratio for the competition there is 10-12 to 1.. And this is calculated area by area, and not globally thus removing the potential influence of Russia, the Philippines etc…

And yes, there are many SB profiles which are no longer active, but I see no reason to think that the rate of inactivity is higher for SBs than it is for SDs.. If anything, the monthly fees that SDs pay would suggest a higher inactivity rate (after 30,60,90 days) than the free SB accounts which don’t have to pay to stay active…

If the inactivity rates are similar, then so are the activity rates. And the ratio of actively looking SBs to activity looking SDs will still be 1 to 10. Which is really what the article is implying, no?

If the ratio of actively looking SBs to activly lookong SDs is 1 to 10, then the success rate is going to be equal to the average number of SBs that a SD can support times 10%.. So if the average SD can support 2 SBs, the the success rate for SBs is going to be no higher than 20%. (note: the success rate could be lower than 20% if highly successful SBs take on more than an average of 1 SDs each) Which means the failure rate for SBs is going to be at least 80%. Which means 80% of the time, they won’t find anyone long-term.

And if the ‘attractive SB’ rate is higher than 20%, and the success rate is no higher than 20% then there are going to be attractive SBs that are unsuccessful. And no, examples of successful SBs does not overpower the math. If the success rate is 20%, you would expect plenty of examples of success. But you’d still have plenty more examples of failure as well…

For an even cleaner example, look at the party.. A ratio of 3 to 1. If each SD takes home 2 SB that night, then 1 in 3 SBs will go home alone (or perhaps with another SB, but don’t get me started..). If the ratio at the party was 10 to 1, and each SD took home 2, then 8 in 10 would go home empty handed… Certainly this is what the article is suggesting happens on the site when the article says that the party will have a ‘more even playing field’… No?

-N

flyrsays:

@nixen ““real question is can a reasonably attractive woman find a quality” So, your comment suggest that only about 1 in 10 SBs here are ‘reasonably attractive women’… I might put the rate higher than that…”

That was not my suggestion.

I think the ratio of attractive SB’s is much higher. However, many have not signed on for some time and sadly many don’t take the time to really work on their profile or have unrealistic expectations.

A number of the SB’s here have proven that a little work on the profile and pictures can yield a much higher response rate.

I had not thought of it until this last issue arose but I get a number of emails from the Philippines. I doubt that there are many SD’s out there.

flyrsays:

@daniel “Help”

Heels are not good in most airplanes assuming he is flying and you are in the right seat. But that does not mean that you can not take heels with you to change into.

Also depending on the airplane there may be some climbing either up on the wing or up to the front seats. A short dress might be inappropriate. Depending on your intentions a longer dress without anything under may be the perfect flying outfit and also preserve all of your options.

You might ask the pilot what’s appropriate attire.

Speak up if you feel at all queasy. It’s much easier to be the pilot than the passenger.

Daniellesays:

Hello all!
I’ve gotten sound advise on here before, so I’m back for more guidance.

I’m going on my first date with a POT soon and I don’t know what to wear.
Normally, I would wear something to knock his socks off but still
looks classy ( nothing like that yellow nightmare at the top of the page.)
This first date is different though. He’s a pilot and wants to take me for a
ride in his plane for our first date.
I’m excited, but what the bleep do you wear to something like that? Certainly not heels,
but being as I’m only 5″4″ I always like to wear heels on a first date.
Help!

Sometimes fantasy is better off staying fantasy…know what I mean?? 😉

Blue Eyes Beautysays:

@Nawty – I’m up for the cabin….can’t say I want to be your biotch though

Nawty Mollysays:

My idea of a sugar party would be…everyone showing up at my dungeon, ready and willing. I would handcuff all of you, whip you and force all of you into submission…hahaha!!! You will do my bidding!!! You will all pleasure ME and no one else…you are my own personal slaves, you’re in my control now and there is no one here to help any of you…hahahaha!!!

Nixensays:

@ Nawty

Thanks… I’m a first time caller, long time listener to the show…

And yes, what’s your idea of a ‘sugar party’…

-N

Nawty Mollysays:

I just wanted to get my previous comments off my chest. I know it may not have been specific to any post in particular or at all , but, I think it’s an important step in the SB/SD relationship! Both parties need to know why they are in this situation…right??

Nawty Mollysays:

Hi VASD! My partner in crime..hehehe 😉

Nawty Mollysays:

Look, if you’re going to come to a site such as SA, you should know what you want. When I came here back in 09′ (damn, that’s a long time ago.) I knew what I wanted and went for it! The worst thing that can happen on a sugar date is sitting across from a POT and them ask you why you’re on the site and not having a good answer.

For all of the Newbies ~ Please think about why you’re here and what you’re looking for. It is so beneficial. Having a straight answer for a POT is so much better than “I’m not sure, just testing things out to see if this is something I’m into”. Ya’ know what I mean??

I’m not trying to be harsh or mean! Come on ladies! Show your confidence, be aggressive, be powerful, know what you want and go for it! There isn’t ANYTHING wrong with that.

Nixensays:

@ Jennifer, “unfortunately it’s supply and demand” true, but we have all seen plenty of internet marketing over the years, and there are plenty of ways to shift the demographics of any community… Don’t you think there is perhaps something that SA could do to change the ratio, or is it all market driven?

@ Flyr “There are lots of SB’s listed who have not checked their account for more than 90 days” I think this is an interesting point. Do you think the SD count excludes ‘free SD accounts’ and ‘SD accounts that have an expired premium membership’? If so, I’d agree.

“real question is can a reasonably attractive woman find a quality” So, your comment suggest that only about 1 in 10 SBs here are ‘reasonably attractive women’… I might put the rate higher than that…

Also, I think if the ratio is 1:10, then 1 in 10 women has a chance. And, yes, most likely, in this benevolent universe that we live in, its the ‘reasonably attractive woman’ that has the highest chance. This still doesn’t alleviate my concern, that Fake SDs have plenty of women to prey on… upwards of 6/7 in 10?

And, let’s be clear here, the 1-SD to 10-SB ratio, doesn’t include only ‘high quality’ on the SD side.. If anything, the feedback that I get is that, the SBs here are a much higher quality as a group than that SD side of the equation, but I’ll let the ladies chime in on that one….

I don’t know about the raito, but just like real estate, I think its location location.

Unless some one is an hour or so drive away, its just not gonna work. Just saying.

flyrsays:

@ Nixen ” As there is no way the real SDs can support 10+ SBs each…”

That is true but probably irrelevant.

Since many SB’s are here free I suspect that many are just looking, testing the water. Kind of like walking through the party to see what bites. There are lots of SB’s listed who have not checked their account for more than 90 days .

The real question is can a reasonably attractive woman find a quality, willing SD here and I think the answer is yes.

My favorite marketing example is table salt. In the market you’ll find name brand salt for x and off band salt for 40% less. Both the same chemical. The consumer buys the name brand much of the time because they do a good job of marketing.

I think the experience here is that some who had received very little response to their profile found the response improved exponentially with a higher quality presentation and better attitude.

@Nixen unfortunately it’s supply and demand. There are more sugar babies who are seeking sugar daddies, than there are sugar daddies to meet that demand.

Nixensays:

“there are approximately 10-12 sugar baby members for every sugar daddy member in any given area”

This number continues to concern me.. I think one of the reason SD Flakes are so successful, is due to the fact that most SB have the choice between going out with nobody and a SD flake.. As there is no way the real SDs can support 10+ SBs each…

–Nixen

Nixensays:

We need a sugar party up here in San Fancisco.. We are the sugar daddy capital of the world after all!!

-Nixen

Tinasays:

@VASD: the girl in yellow is known as the trash who got drunk and turned into a hot mess. Dress is too short, make-up is GAWD awful, hair is a rat’s nest, etc. etc. They should have a caption under her that says “what NOT to do….EVER”

Oooohhhh, “an open bar does not mean open legs”? AWWWW MAN! 😉 (comes in a close second)

Tinasays:

“Everything you put in your mouth is meant to turn you on” BEST line of the entry….teehee….

Jennifersays:

All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!

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