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Ingrid Woke: PETA Prez Turned On Being Kept in a Tiny Cage

NORFOLK, VA—In an unexpected change of course that sent shockwaves across the animal-rights-activist community, a sudden sexual awakening experienced by PETA president Ingrid Newkirk led to her announcement Monday that being kept in a tiny cage all day “actually sounds hot as hell.” “This is obviously a new perspective for me, but in the spirit of full disclosure, I confess that seeing animals crowded into tiny cages makes me feel envious, as well as a little, let’s say, worked up,” said Newkirk, who nervously rubbed at her at her neckline during the press conference while admitting that, after years of protesting fur products, she secretly wished someone would splash blood on her.