Rejection: Surviving or Healing?

Rejection is horrific.

Rejection can feel like a divorce in your soul. Whether it is wrapped up in estrangement, alienation, disunity, or hostility – it can feel like an assault that takes your breath away.

One of the most difficult forms of rejection is estrangement. It is a rejection that is layered with absence, hurt and uncertainties. It begs so many questions: How long do you wait? Do you walk away? How do you keep your heart from hardening? How many times do you attempt to repair the hurt? How long do you grieve? None of these questions come with easy answers. Everyone’s rejection is different, some are justified, others are influenced by negativity – or both.

So how do you survive heal when you experience rejection? Here are 4 simple thoughts that have helped me during my own experience:

1. You cry.

Go on ahead and ugly cry, weep, sob… shed tears to allow your body to release the emotions of hurt. One day, you will realize the tears have lessened or dried up and you will know you are on a path to healing. The beauty of your tears is that Jesus has them collected. They do not fall unnoticed! You are not unnoticed!

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8

2. Continue to love.

Rejection has no authority to define you. You are not a lesser person because you were rejected. Rejection has no authority to limit your love for others. I love the way Max Lucado says, “Refuse to let life’s hurts poison your heart.” Refuse to let hatred set in and make you bitter or fearful. At first your expression of love may be timid, but overtime…you will be amazed with healing, your love will grow for others.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. 1 John 4:18

3. You’re my person.

Jesus wants you to know you are still his person! He can heal your broken heart. He can repair the wounds. He can replace the loneliness. He can restore what was stolen. (Joel 2:25) I do pray for a restoration; however, if that doesn’t happen on earth, I won’t be crushed. Relationships will be replaced with new friendships. God doesn’t just want you to “survive” rejection, barely able to put one foot in front of another. He wants you to live life whole and restored through Him. God is always good and my life will be good!

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:18

4. Seek wisdom.

The need to want to defend your self (especially if the rejection is based on misunderstandings) is normal. Before you take to social media to blast your innocence or try to confront the situation…go seek good advice! Don’t go to the friend who will just pick up your hurt and inflame the situation. Go find someone with wisdom, who will tell you to sit on your response for a few days (weeks, months) until you can rationally respond. It may be difficult to listen to wisdom because it will go against your flesh’s desire to vindicate. If you want to heal, listening and following wisdom will be imperative.

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding. Proverbs 3:13

I never want to give up on the hope for reconciliation. However, there may be situations when reconciliation will take years or may never come in your lifetime. We cannot control other people; they have a free will, just like you do. In the waiting, seal these promises permanently in your heart:

God does not reject you
He will be joy to the sadness
He will be the balm to the pain
He will be forgiver to the failing
He will be comfort to the loneliness
He will be defender to the disparaged
He will be the faithful to the absence
He will be strength to the weakness
He will be courage to the fear
He will be unfailing love!

Karen Blandino is a pastor's wife, Texan, mother and counselor. She holds a Master's Degree in Counseling from TCU and a Bachelor of Arts in History from UTA. She has served 12 years in education. She and her husband planted 7 City Church in Ft. Worth, Texas where they serve as lead pastors.

This was needed just this time in my life as I am having to confront these wounds from a time long ago. Just because something happened so long ago,doesn’t mean we it hurts any less. I really enjoyed this and I thank you for it.

Karen, do you have estrangement in your life personally? Ever lost adult children to estrangement or alienation? Beloved grandchildren? It’s gut wrenching and sinful. It must just be carried under grace.

Being rejected by our youngest daughter is shattering. We don’t even know why this happened. We are in our 70’s and disagreed a few times, were going through a cancer diagnosis, husband can’t hear well at all; we complained too much apparently even though we didn’t spend a lot of time together. I’m sure their tolerance level, at their ages, is low. I don’t know. We are cut off and cannot communicate. All I can say it’s the worst thing anyone can do to another human being – but especially a parent who has devoted their entire life to their chldren and only grandchild that we lost also. Hardest and most hurtful thing – every day is a roller coaster ride. Awful

Yes, it is an awful ride! I want to encourage you not to let estrangement be a dictator over your life – your life can still be beautiful. Going to a counselor and praying with friends helped me so much – I highly encourage you to speak with a counselor/pastor to help you process your situation. Praying for comfort and wisdom as you heal!

This hit home for me. I am dealing with a family member who continues to reject and hurt our family. I have tried to understand this individual and lovingly discuss this but I am rejcted over and over again. My heart is heavy. After reading this, I am thankful for you and your words of encouragement. I continue to lift this burden to our Lord and allow Him to handle a situation i am unable to understand. Thank you Karen. Youre a “slice of heaven” to many!!

Hello and welcome! I am a Texas girl and pastor's wife who loves Jesus, my family and life. I have a huge passion to share my personal life experiences (the good & the not so good), my love for pretty things and to connect with other women.
I hope you feel community here and join with me as we journey through life.