A place where common sense comes back 'round to bite you in the ass...

Friday, August 26, 2011

It's true what they say about colonoscopies...

I made it through. Somehow, I didn't wind up killing anything/anybody during the prep day, and I didn't die myself, although at times, it certainly felt like death would have been a welcome change for a bit!

I came through unscathed. And learned a little about my willpower levels, too. Wednesday, I ate a box of chicken broth, half of a pan of orange jello, 1 popsicle, a can of V8 Fusion juice, and then 64 ounces of Gatorade mixed with Miralax powder, which took me the better part of 3 hours to complete.

You'd be hard pressed to have any kind of appetite after that kind of process.

I thought about recording myself as I mixed the Gatorade and Miralax, and then some more as I drank it, but my brain wasn't working properly at that point in the day. (I had to start drinking it at 5 p.m.) So after I initially thought about recording myself, I also wondered if the product of the mixture would turn to some sort of gelatinous goo as it sat waiting for me to drink it. And should I put it in the fridge? But then I'd have to go up and down the stairs to get more every 15 minutes, and that didn't sound like a good idea as I'd already almost fallen down the stairs twice because my hair was throwing off my balance.

You heard me right...I said my HAIR threw off my balance. I don't know how either, but there ya go.

So I wound up losing track of the plans to record it all. I thought about it again a couple of times during the 6 o'clock hour, but then I started spending my free time in the loo, and I realized that doing anything other than sitting and then running to the bathroom would be highly unadvisable.

I went to bed at 10. I had a headache, and I was feeling pretty empty and hungry and nauseous at the same time, so I read for a bit, and then passed out.

At 12:30, I woke up feeling like hell. I had a headache that rivaled my usual clusters. And I knew the only way to get rid of it would be to eat something. But I couldn't eat anything. I was also so nauseous that I couldn't manage to get to sleep again.

I finally thought that maybe a popsicle would help. So I ate one in the dark of the living room, willing it to hit my belly like it was the cheeseburger my body was craving! It worked, a little. The nausea went away, but the headache was still there. I was still able to get myself to go back to sleep, though.

I woke a couple of times to let the dogs out, and also to deal with the aftermath of the popsicle, and then I slept until 8:15 or so, trying to avoid smelling Leo's breakfast as he cooked it.

The last thing I remember saying as they put me under was, "Wow, this does work fast!" to the nurse/anesthesiologist that had administered my propofol, and then I was waking up after a nice dream that I can't really remember. I felt loopy. They gave me apple juice to drink, and I tried not to down it in one gulp. The doctor came by to tell me what he'd found (nothing cancerous, but I DO have a fissure...and he sent some things that he collected so they could be tested to confirm what my intestinal issues are and if they go beyond IBS), and then I was allowed to get dressed and head home.

Colonoscopies are not hard. People who tell you this are not lying. And even the prep for it all...yeah, drinking Gatorade mixed with Miralax isn't my new favorite drink, or anything, but it wasn't THAT bad. Way too sweet for my liking, and downing over 64 oz of the stuff in 3 hours was not easy, but meh. Just keep yourself near a toilet that can handle the aftermath, and it'll all be over relatively quickly.

I'm so glad I can eat sandwiches again! But I'm also glad to know my limits when it comes to an empty stomach. I can still function relatively well when I've only eaten (haha! DRANK, really) 500 calories in one day. I can even hold a decent conversation with people, and notice weird, small details (like that the anesthesiology company that provided the propofol for my procedure was called "GasGas, LLC") after almost 24 hours of eating barely anything.

I don't wanna do it again anytime soon, mind you. But if I have to, I won't go kicking and screaming into the process.

If you need to have one, and have been putting it off for any reason, don't put it off anymore. It's not that bad. Promise!