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How do you manage work and play? My personal experience has been a bit sketchy, especially nearing exam times, and I would like to hear your advice.

-Zoe

This is an awesome question Zoe my darlingite! Especially when everyone is getting ready to head back to school!

We all have important things that we have to do. You have to do your homework, you have to clean your room, you have to organize your dvd collection by ability to make you laugh so hard milk comes out your nose. But it’s also important to LIVE! It’s important to go outside and play tag with the squirrels, to try every ice cream flavor they have at the Jolly Roger Soda Shop , to puke rainbows because you ate 40 pounds of ice cream, to have FUN!

But you have to have balance.

Many of you know my brother John. A while back, he was in a place where work was his number one priority. He would work 25 hours a day, yes 25. He was so efficient that somehow he managed to get an extra hour out of every day! It was driving him crazy! And then you have my, old friend, Peter. Peter was so focused on only doing things he thought were fun that he lost his job. If you give work too much time, you’ll isolate yourself from the rest of the world. But if you abandon all your responsibilities, you’ll disappoint the people who are counting on you and end up just as alone.

Later in life, you can find work that actually makes you happy! I love talking to all of my darlingites, so work and play are sorta the same thing! For now, while you’re in school, just make sure you keep that balance! Try rewarding yourself for spending an hour studying by drawing a picture of your teacher and his goofy tie! Or maybe read the chapters your assigned outside to get some fresh air! Whatever you do, keep it balanced 🙂

How are you so free? You are always yourself, no matter what anyone thinks of you. Every time I try to be myself, people tell me exactly who I should be and what I should do with my life. It feels like I’m twenty different people trying to please fifty. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even know who I am anymore. It’s been the cause of my depression for almost two years and I don’t know what to do. I just want to make everyone else happy.
-Emily
Anytime people try to tell me to be less me, AKA less AWESOME, I just watch their mouths move and replace all the words with “Wah wah wu-wah wu-wah” and nod until they walk away.

Haters gonna hate man! As long as the you YOU are isn’t unkind or destructive or harmful to anyone else – DO YOU! You’ve exhausted yourself trying to make other people happy; it’s time to get rid of 19 of those 20 people pleasers and pick the person you wanna be. It’s not gonna happen overnight either. Finding the happiest you can take time. Imagine if Goku stopped at Saiyan and never went Super Saiyan?

Just do me a favor, put yourself first sometimes. We shouldn’t put ourselves first all the time – that’s a one-way ticket to I’m a Jerk Town. But if you always put yourself last and try to be someone just to make others happy, you’ll be the number one resident of Bummed Outville. So take a deep breath and start tuning out anyone that says who you are isn’t enough.

Have you ever been down and had someone tell you to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”? Well, unless you happen to always be wearing strappy boots…this saying doesn’t help much. Sometimes life won’t be kind my Wendigos. It’s full of break ups, rejections, tragic loss, long lines, and empty pots of coffee. Whether your problems are big or small, it can be easy to draw your curtains, curl up into a ball, and decide you’re never washing your hair again. It’s important to know how to dig yourself out of these tunnels. This comes from a certain kind of self awareness.

Do something for me. List 3 things that always make you smile…got them? I’ll bet simply picturing them in your mind made you smile a tiny bit! It’s important to know what makes us happy. For me it’s moon pies, bookstores, and an A-line dress with a great print. When I’m having a rough time I pull out one of my mood miracles and remind myself that life has downs, but they’re only in between the ups.

Of course a few little life favorites aren’t always enough. It’s important to still apply problem solving skills to whatever your facing. And if you find what your facing is simply too much, know that it’s okay to reach out and find someone to talk to.

Stop the presses! I’ve learned that my sister Wendy Darling’s book tour begins this Saturday at Neverland Books! So I figured I’d use this week’s editorial to talk a little bit about it. In case you haven’t read any of my earlier editorials on the subject, Wendy has written a book called “Ask Wendy: Advice on Life, Love and Living,” which is being put out by the publishing division of JH Media. We’re all familiar with her storied career as advice columnist during her tenure running “Dear Darling” for the Kensington Chronicle before she moved on to bigger and better things, and this book is a must-have for anyone who enjoyed that feature! Click on over to the JH Media site to read a few excepts, in case you’d like to try before you buy. And using the form right below that, you can sign up to have free excerpts delivered right to your inbox.

I, for one, couldn’t be happier that our brief and unfounded estrangement is at an end, as I find myself in dire need of advice in the “love” category. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little guilty asking about my love life when I know hers is currently in such bitter turmoil. I gather an ill-fated double date ended with her current and former beaus coming to blows. And given that several of the players in this drama are near and dear to my heart, my brother and I have been put in the unenviable position of having to navigate this interpersonal minefield. For the record, I personally have nothing but respect for Jas Hook, and based on what I’ve seen, he has comported himself as nothing but a perfect gentleman in regards to my sister. And a part of me regrets my involvement in a recent community theatre piece that shall remain nameless; to say it amounted to little more than a thinly veiled attack on the current object of my sister’s affections would do thin veils an injustice. [I should note that this is not meant as a slight against anyone but the play’s author; the cast and crew were nothing if not consummate professionals]

But I digress. While this won’t cure all of my sister’s woes, I suspect that all we need to do to take her mind off her troubles is to make her first book signing first book signing a rousing success. To that end, I hope all of you will join me this Saturday, 8/15, at 1:30 p.m. EST at Neverland Books. For more details, feel free to reach out to John Smee, Neverland Books proprietor Bri Valdivia, Cindy Sue, Constance Moriarty or any of the store’s other amazing employees.

“We accept the love we think we deserve” – Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The best advice I can give when people ask how to find love is to look inside. It doesn’t matter if your profile is 99% compatible, or if you spot them reading your favorite book while drinking your favorite tea. It doesn’t matter if the stars aligned and everything is perfect! If you don’t love yourself, your heart isn’t available to anyone. And your heart knows when you’re faking it. It can sense if you’re thinking “Fine. I’ll love myself just long enough to get a boyfriend, then it’s back to criticizing and self hate.”

If you’re seeking a romantic relationship because you think someone else’s love is going to replace what you deny yourself, you, my sweet friends, are in for a painful ride.

Imagine your heart is a baby kitten. What would happen if you waited for someone else to come along and give it food? Your heart-kitten might starve before you even find a partner! Not to mention, if your boyfriend or girlfriend realizes they’re the only one taking care of it, they could get tired of seeing the neglect and it might make them want to give up.

So before you can even think about getting into relationships with others, you need to start with a good relationship with you and your heart-kitten. Or heart-puppy if you happen to be allergic.

Dear Darling
I have recently undergone some changes due to health issues and I am having a hard time communicating how difficult it is to my friends. These health issues have required a complete lifestyle change and adjustments in normal activities requires forethought and planning and adjustments which I don’t feel I am receiving from my friends. What should I do? – Vicky Knowledge
It sounds like you’re dealing with TWO things! Possible even THREE THINGS! But don’t worry, my dearest Darlingite! I took an online night class on multi-tasking!

First off, you’re probably still adjusting to your new health conditions yourself. Sometimes when we undergo personal changes it can be stressful and we can feel alone. Second, you mention communicating has been hard. There can be a lot of reasons we have a hard time talking about medical problems, it can be very personal and the words can be very hard to pronounce. Third, you’re not seeing your friends making the effort to adjust.
You know what I think? (Of course not! If you did you’d be psychic!!!) I think there all CONNECTED!

Because you’re having a hard time telling your friends how hard your new life is, they don’t understand how much you need them! It might be difficult, but you need to have a heart to heart with them. You should open up about your struggle, maybe have a get-together at your house specifically to talk to them and answer questions, make it a party! You can call it: Vicky Knowledge’s Awesome Friends Awareness Party!!! And be ready Miss Knowledge, not every person is as cool and amazing as us. Some of your friends might not make the changes as quickly as others, some might not compromise at all. But think of this as a good thing, you’d rather have a few truly amazing friends than a bunch of jerks who are only thinking about themselves.

Medikidz.com
PS- If you’re having trouble finding a fun way to teach your friends about your health condition, check out Medikidz. It’s a comic book series designed to help people understand and teach others about a bunch of different medical conditions! It’s fun and educational (which sounds like an oxyclean moron, but it is fun I swear!). They’re written by some nerdy kid named Shawn DeLoache…his name sounds kinda familiar. Maybe he was in my night class online!

DEAR DARLING
I’m fixing to go to college. What’s something important to remember about getting out there in the world on your own for the first time? Also, good luck with your job applications!
-BRITTANY

OOOH BRITTANY
I’m so excited for you! Going off to college is such a magical and special time. For many people it’s the first time they are away from their family and friends, the first time they get to make all their own decisions. Want cookies for dinner? YOU HAVE THOSE COOKIES!

But college is also a lot of really hard work. It’s long hours both in and out of the classroom and there’s a lot of pressure to succeed… and I want you to succeed… I want you to work hard and get the skills and education necessary to make your dream come true, but if there’s ONE piece of advice I can give you, one thing I’d want you to remember, one thing I wish I’d done differently… it’s make sure you have fun. I worked tirelessly to get “straight A’s” but let me tell you, no one cares if you got an ‘A’ on that math test or a ‘B’ they just care that you have the diploma. I missed out on a lot of fun by staying in my room to study for test that have zero barring on my life right now. I missed out on making memories so I could make an ‘A+’ instead of an ‘A’ and I don’t even remember what class it was for. As I said, My Darling, I’m not telling you to slack off. It’s important to work hard in school and get good grades or you’re just wasting your time, but if all you do is work you’re also wasting your life. Have a wonderful time, Brittany, I’m always just an email away if you have any problems.