Never Letting the Truth Get In The Way of A Good Story

If I See My Man In Pittsburgh….

Those words, uttered by Dr. Henry Jones Senior in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, is somewhat similar to how I feel every time I visit Pittsburgh.

About twice a year, I travel to Pittsburgh. It’s a wonderful experience for someone who enjoys to banter and debate about sports. Getting a cab is a cat-and-mouse conversation: How long can I make it before they ask me where I’m from? Then, how long is it before they bring up the Ravens and insult me? It’s inevitable. And so I try to carry on conversations without broaching the sensitive AFC North topic.

Yesterday, I was in a cab and the cabbie and I started making small talk. With about 100 yards to go before my destination, he says sarcastically, “So you’re not a Ravens fan are you?” To which I replied, “I was hoping to make it through the cab ride before you asked that.”

He responded, “I’m going to have to let you out here, then.”

He was joking of course, because I would have “Bart Scott-body slam-style-Worthlessburger’ed” his ass onto the pavement.

Today, on my way to the airport, I had a lovely cab driver who was ranting and raving about the All-Star game, fan voting, the mental woes of Andrew McCutcheon, the state of Steeler football…you name it. Upon learning I was a Ravens fan, he coyly replied, “My meter tends to double when I hear that.”

“As it should,” I said.

There’s a distaste, but there is almost always a mutual respect. It’s exactly what makes sports great. Unless you’re an ignorant prick. Then it’s no fun.

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In the Pittsburgh airport this morning, I saddled up to the…er….got coffee at a local coffee shop…and Sports Center was on. The breaking news was that a federal appeals court denied Tom Brady’s request to have his four game suspension overturned. AYFKM???

A federal appeals court is wasting their time listening to Tom Brady’s (or the NFL’s players association’s) lawyer make a case as to why a known cheater and all around d-bag should be able to play in four games this season??? And we wonder what’s wrong with this country. We wonder why race relations, and civilian-law enforcement relations are at a low not seen since the 1960s. Because we’re prioritizing a sissy-boy’s request to be able to play four games in a profession at which he makes millions upon millions of dollars (not to mention he knocked up a supermodel…Bridget Moynahan…then picked up another supermodel on the heels of that relationship “Hey Gisele, I’m easy….I already knocked up Bridget so you know my boys can swim,” then ditched his baby momma ’cause Gisele really liked his dancing.)

BUT…what flashed on the screen next really enraged me: Brady’s next step would be to appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court. We can’t even get a vacant seat in the Supreme Court elected due to the stupid, ignorant, political divide in this country and even when the current members are in session…they’re hearing an appeal from an NFL quarterback over being suspended for four games?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (There aren’t enough question marks or exclamation points that I could add at the end of that sentence to demonstrate my frustration.)

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I had crazy dreams last night. One of the dreams involved hanging out with the lead singer of the former band, The Bridge. I tell you this because The Bridge has a song called Dirtball Blues, which is one of my favorite songs they sing.

The song itself is hectic…rambunctious…Fast and furious. One of the guys who sing it is a huge Baltimore sports fan…and he used to wear Ravens and O’s gear on stage all the time.

One of the lines in it says:

If I see my man in Boston, I’m gonna shoot him down.If I see my man in Boston, Lord….I’ll shooooot him down!

Now, I have spent way too much time speculating whether or not that line was written because of Baltimore’s distaste for the Red Sox, Tom “sissy boy U.S. Supreme Court” Brady and the UnPatriots, or whether the guy just had beef with someone from Boston.

But as they played that song over the years, that line would change based on Baltimore’s upcoming sports contests. And many years ago, seeing The Bridge play just before a huge game between the Ravens and the Steelers, the line all of a sudden became: