Reports have Jamie Lynn Spears, famous teen mom and sister of Brittney Spears, releasing a debut country album soon. I’m sure that Jamie Lynn Spears is a very sweet girl, and by all accounts she is blessed with remarkably white teeth and excellent skin. But the simple realities of running a website like Saving Country Music is that you can’t listen to every single piece of recorded music released in the greater country music pantheon. You have to be selective. So I’ve assembled a list of the things I’d rather hear than Jamie Lynn Spears’ debut country album.

My parents having sex.

My genitals being pureed in a blender.

“I’m referring you to a specialist. A proctologist.”

The cracking sound of my own bone breaking.

“The DNA test confirms you’re the father.”

“According to our compression test, you have a blown head gasket.”

The smacking sound of peanut butter making the tongue of a 330-pound man sitting next to me on a city bus stick to the roof of his mouth.

“You’ll have to go in person to the Department of Motor Vehicle for that.”

A sumo wrestler passing a knife.

A baby’s cry broadcast through a megaphone.

“Your arraignment will be next Tuesday.”

Anything produced by Max Martin.

My laptop being crushed by a car tire.

“Achy Breaky Heart.”

“We will have to wait on the tarmac for two more hours before we are cleared for takeoff.”

The distinct thud sound of a door not closing properly because your finger was in the jamb.

“Next up on 98.1 we have the newest from Luke Bryan!”

Chris Brown explaining why he’s actually the victim.

Florida Georgia Line without Auto-tune.

My girlfriend struggling with violent diarrhea.

A puppy being stepped on.

“It’s Cancer.”

But except for that, I look forward to receiving my copy and being the model of objectivity in my coverage of Jamie Lynn Spears’ forthcoming country album.

65 Comments

Anna
November 21, 2013 @
10:04 am

As much as I don’t want her to be part of the “country” genre, I have to give her some credit. I heard about her plans for a country album quite a while ago so I looked up some of her videos. She really doesn’t have a bad voice at all. I would actually say it’s better than Britney’s. I can guarantee that anything that she puts out will be about as country as Colt Ford, but she at least has more talent than him.

Amen. I gotta ask, what is worse for country music fans, Britney Lynn Spears or Taylor Swift?

Then I would ask, what is worse for freedom in America, Todd Akin’s stupid remarks about rape and abortion, or Obamacare? The former sounded bad, but had absolutely no effect on policy. The latter might leave millions of Americans uninsured, destroy our health care system, and cause irreparable damage to our economy.

I expect Jamie Lynn’s country music career to blow over even faster than Jessica Simpson’s. But what Twain and Swift did to country music might never be undone.

Since you are using this thread to attack Obamacare, I feel the need to respond:

First, the central idea of Obamacare is to get everybody insured. No household earning less than 4 times poverty line will have to pay more than 10% of their income on insurance, with the cap going down to 2% as poverty line is approached. Everybody under poverty line will be eligible for free Medicaid (at least once all of the Republican governors go along). Furthermore, insurance companies will no longer be able deny or drop coverage unless they can prove in court that the customer committed fraud on the application.

Therefore, if anyone still remains uninsured, it is not Obamacare’s fault.

Furthermore, instead of destroying the health care system, Obamacare will actually stimulate it. Why do you think the hospital industry supported it so enthusiastically? It’s because they will get millions of new patients who previously could not afford health care due to lack of insurance. As for the economy, companies that currently offer health insurance could save significant levels of money by sending employees into the exchange, since the government will pick up a large share of the premium cost. I have heard the argument that the employer mandate will severely hurt businesses that do not pay for insurance. However, that mandate does not apply to small businesses and comes with a fine of just $2,000 per employee per year.

I understand your concerns about the impact of Obamacare on freedom. Personally, I despise the individual mandate and would have strongly preferred health care reform based on simply opening up Medicare to everyone. However, the contentions that Obamacare would leave more people uninsured, destroy the health care system, or destroy the economy, are simply unfounded.

31. Thank you for calling technical support…
32. The low battery tone on my phone, in the desert, after my car has died with a dead battery too.
33. The sound of a train coming around the bend on the tracks I’m tied up on.

I’d rather listen to a Michelle Bachmann speech than a song by Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, Shania Twain, Florida Georgia Line, Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, or even Carrie Underwood when she’s doing what she’s told. At least she knows this country is going over a cliff with the Democrats in charge, whereas the other people I listed either don’t know the country genre is going over a cliff, or that they are helping to push it over a cliff, or they don’t know what country music is, or they don’t want to know as long as they can make their fortune pushing pop or rap garbage to country stations.

Trigger, the point I was making was that pop acts like Jessica Simpson aren’t really that bad for country music, because they just make it obvious to everyone how ridiculous pop country has become. It’s the popular but manipulative acts that are doing far more damage to the genre. Lots of young people have internalized Taylor Swift’s songs and laundry list songs like Jason Aldean’s “Dirt Road Anthem” as their definition of “country” music.

Hey trig, big fan… as a follow up piece to this, how about you come up with 22 new albums, as in, the 22 newest albums you really liked, and 22 things i’d rather listen to than this! I would like to see that list! Lots of great music you’ve been covering lately.

Honestly, I’m not sure I could field a list of 22 new albums I liked from the last few months. The 2nd half of 2013, and especially the last 3rd of 2013 has been pretty disappointing. Some big albums I was really looking forward to either didn’t pan out, or were less than what they could have been, and I’ve been struggling to find worthy albums to cover. There’s a few good recent projects, but 2013 was very front loaded when it came to quality releases.

I don’t see why we are pre-judging Jamie Lynn Spears’ album without hearing it first.

I also dislike the tone of this article and most of the comments. They are reminiscent of the immature,mean-spirited old days of SCM. I am especially disappointed about how this article flirts with sexism with the statement about Jamie’s “remarkably white teeth and excellent skin”, implying that her physical features are her only special attribute.

Eric, I would suggest listening to the first part of Alan Jackson’s “Gone Country”. It sounds like it could have been about Jamie Lynn, if the song had been recorded today. The issue here is that country music has become a dumping ground for second tier pop singers who might not be able to make it anywhere else. They think Nashville could be their last chance. There are too many carpetbaggers in this genre. Then again, I’d rather let Jamie Lynn have the chance to try her hand and strike out in a few months, than have to constantly hear songs like “Sparks Fly” and “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” played constantly on “country” stations.

“I am especially disappointed about how this article flirts with sexism with the statement about Jamie”™s “remarkably white teeth and excellent skin”, implying that her physical features are her only special attribute. ”

You really reaching on that one. The same thing could have been said of the latest Disney boy sensation.

I wouldn’t blame the messenger. The real issue is with how pop country artists are marketed. Both male and female singers are heavily marketed based on their physical attributes, and how well those attributes conform to popular stereotypes, rather than based on their talent. An unfortunate result is that less talented artists tend to be promoted, and more superficial and formulaic songs tend to become hits.

I had made the point on another recent thread that it would be hard for any country pop crossover artist to be known for his or her songwriting ability, because of the way country pop is branded and how it is perceived by the public.

56. A recorded voice telling me “Your call is very important to us.”
57. An opening act that I am particularly not enjoying saying “we’ve got a few more songs for you.” (Motivation: Widowspeak opening for Jason Isbell. Bizarre match up).

The worst opening act I’ve seen bar none was Grace Potter and the Nocturnals ( for Gov’t Mule ) . The scenario you laid out is exactly what took place . Grace is smoking hot ( and she knows it ) , but she sucks bad at being a musician .

58. An album from another “supergroup” .
59. A fucking Lowe’s/Home Depot commercial during the football game I’m trying to watch that reminds my wife that she needs me to help her re-paint the bedroom that she painted 5 weeks ago .

Haha. The idea that your house has to be constantly “updated” with whatever nonsense that the Lowes/Home Depot/HG TV cartel is pushing this week… One of the biggest time and money wasters in modern society is the constant “updating” of one’s home, and the idea that this “adds value” to your house…

Yeah , man . I’m an ” if it ain’t broke ” type of guy . ALL my wife watches on the tube is shows about people shopping for houses and/or messing with the nice one they already have . I always tell her that those shows are the reason our country is hated by much of the rest of the world .

” This pool just isn’t big enough for us , and we need a new one with a bar and a waterfall NYAH, NYAH , NYAH …. “

First off, I did not receive my copy of “Stripped To The Root” until last Saturday, less than a week ago. I usually spend weeks listening to albums before I’m ready to review them, and get tons of albums auto shipped to me (whether I want the or not) on average of 3 to 6 weeks before their release. I also don’t have any obligation to review any album, and as JB has been saying about that album himself, it’s not necessarily a country album, and should be approached as such. Also, just because I have an album, have listened to it many times, still doesn’t mean I have anything to say about it. It takes words to write reviews, and sometimes the most frustrating thing for a writer is when you can’t find anything to say about an album, even when you like it. Not saying that’s the case with “Stripped To The Root,” I’m just asking for a little patience and understanding from folks.

A common misconception is that when I post something, that inherently means that I DIDN’T post about something else; like I made the conscious decision to post this article instead of a JB review, for example. Nothing could be further from the truth. I write what I am inspired to write about at any given moment. And if I’m inspired to write about three different subjects, I’ll post three different articles in a given day. There is no robbing Peter to pay Paul here.

People were clamoring for me to comment on this subject, similarly to how people are clamoring for album reviews for numerous artists, and so I did. But this was a simple and stupid article that took very little time to write, and didn’t impinge on the overall music coverage SCM is committed to.

Fair enough and very well put. You seem a little defensive (I didn’t stop to think that I probably wasn’t the first to pester you about this) and now I feel like a dick for having asked about it. Anyway, the main reason I’ve been looking forward to your take on “stripped” is because I’m pretty sure that you led me to his music in the first place. But I get it. If the words aren’t flowing, then there’s no point in trying to cobble something together just for the same of doing it. Have a good weekend.

Trig! Max Martin? You are way to nice to us swedes… By the way, I’m at an awesome barbecue joint in Kyle, TX right now and they were just playing My Kind of Night on the radio and I swear…. my beer turned sour.

98.1 is just my default whipping boy dial location for generic Clear Channel pop country. I actually think there’s multiple pop country stations around the country with those same numbers, but no offense if there’s one that isn’t.

Ok, everybody time to eat your words. Just listened to “How Could I Want More” by JLS and it is really good and really country. Just cause her sister is a pop singer doesn’t mean Jamie can’t do country right, and she does. Much more country than 99% of what is on radio 2013. Now will radio embrace it? Doubtful, too country.

Honestly I wasn’t expecting much from Jamie Lynn but this acutally is pretty good. It may not be traditional, but it’s a hell of a lot closer to traditional than most of what’s on the radio today. I would honestly love to hear your opinion on the song Trigger, maybe not a whole other post but just here in the comments. I’d like to know your opinion on it cause it’s of similar sound and quality to Kellie Pickler’s ‘100 Proof’ album, or at least it is in mine. I think given how harsh this post was at least giving it a quick listen would be generous of you.

(Also to point out I 100% thought I’d agree with this post when it first came out…)

Wow. You guys beat me to the punch. I just heard this, and I am blown away how surprisingly pretty good this is. Is it a masterpiece? Absolutely not, but it is 90% better then every other current female in country right now.

I just listened to her single “How Could I want more” and… it’s not bad. Not bad at all. Until recently I hosted a morning show on a country FM station so believe that I am well acquainted with the depravity of today’s mainstream country music, and this Spears woman’s song is not objectionable in the least.

Compared to “artists” like Cole Swindell, Florida Georgia Line, and, must I say it, Taylor Swift, Jamie Lynn Spears’ ‘How Could I Want More’ is gold. I also refuse to compare JLS with the likes of her sister in the pop genre.