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Let me just begin by saying that some dumplings can be extremely powerful. The famous dumplings from San Gabriel Valley’s Din Tai Fung have compelled me to do things I would never have imagined, like break my L.A. driving rule (never motor more than 5 miles from home unless somebody’s paying me) countless times–once to see our pals The Good Asian Drivers, most times simply to experience the gingery-vinegary-broth-filled goodness inside their perfect pork soup dumplings. You have to understand, they’re too special for words, almost too special to eat. They make you not want to share. In fact, I believe that a very good friend once tried to poison me just so he could swipe my chicken soup dumpling take-home box. Rest assured, he didn’t get the box.

So am I surprised that the crazy saga that inspired last week’s DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK honoring of San Gabriel’s mayor, Albert Y.M. Huang, apparently started with some sort of hurly burly that had to do with…DUMPLINGS? Eh. Not so much. Not at all.

Bao Gang Li, owner of New Taste Dumpling House, said Huang and the alleged victim had been arguing after the couple arrived at the restaurant at about 1 a.m.

“They started arguing a lot and at that time there were about 20 people at the restaurant,” said Li. “The woman grabbed a dumpling container and threw it at the gentlemen’s chest.”

Huang then threw vinegar at the woman, Li said.

At that point, the woman went to a nearby ATM and took out what appeared to be a lot of money. Huang attempted to try to take the money from her and threatened to call the police, Li said.

DUDE. Dumplings can make people do some weird shit. And Jen and I happen to gobble up weird shit like… dumplings (as does his Highness Jonathan Gold)! I’ll assume that you remember the rest of what happened on that ill-fated night, but if you don’t, those geniuses at NMA News have distilled it for you. It is (also not surprisingly) genius:

You may have heard by now about Jarrod Wyatt (pictured right), the MMA fighter who was recently charged with murder, aggravated mayhem–also known as maiming–and torture of his sparring partner Taylor Powell. Wyatt and Powell allegedly drank some mushroom tea, which allegedly made Wyatt think his friend was Satan, which allegedly caused him to rip Powell’s heart out while he was still alive, cut off Powell’s tongue and face, and cook the body parts because Wyatt was allegedly afraid Powell was still alive (which he was so confirmedly not).

Pretty gruesome stuff, right? So how do you report this kind of story, anyway (the LA Times included a warning about “graphic and disturbing material” in their piece)?