I received a significant amount of response from an
article I wrote some time ago,
The Case Against Legal Abortion. Fortunately, I
have never had an abortion and failed to recognize some of the desperate
circumstances that accompany the heart rendering stories of post abortion
participants – many have become committed pro-life advocates.

A “loving” family is where we learn our
most basic spiritual characteristics of love, compassion, morality,
empathy, tenderness, tolerance and every other value that defines our
individual humanity. Every family does not fall into the “loving family”
category. We are supposed to learn social skills which help one function
in interpersonal relationships with spouses, children and others. We learn
to accept responsibility, work hard, accept consequences and help others
to do the same. It is in the family that we are defined emotionally – our
initial self esteem comes from the treatment we receive within our
families. Unfortunately, the love we receive is sometimes based entirely
upon our conformance to arbitrary rules and regulations.

Few individuals are reared in a wonderful
environment. With working mothers, single mothers, low media moral
standards, lack of reasonable discipline, dumbing down school agendas and
secularist standards, we have rampant dysfunctional families. So where
does one obtain a sense of self. The social mirror, though inaccurate, is
frequently employed in attempting to define worth. One may drive an
expensive car, wear the right clothes, belong to the right clubs and use
this “stuff” to define worth. Stuff is insubstantial – there are many who
never attain any degree of self worth no matter the size of their bank
account.

However, while many families demonstrate
some degree of dysfunctionality, there are some families whose degree of
perversity is higher than most. A family which harbors incest falls in
this category.

Incest is the most destructive of all
other forms of sexual abuse. Incest is at the hands of someone who should
have exhibited love. As with any sexual deviation, it is never about love
or lust. A victim of incest suffers at the hands of someone that she knows
and trusts, a brother, a father or a grandfather. This trusted but
completely untrustworthy individual robs her of her self confidence and
esteem. The selfish, self satisfying, controlling perpetrator has stolen
the victim’s ability to understand male/female intimacy.

I would like to share some of the
heartfelt unedited sentiments received from one woman, an incest victim,
as a result of that previous article. Although abortion is heinous, the
women who have them are not. I have not included the real name of the
individual who wrote me to protect her privacy. All of her comments are
italicized.

Hello,

I would like to respond to your article
because you seem like a very compassionate and intelligent person seeking
the truth. Hopefully this will give you a little insight about abortion
from a post-abortive person's (me) perspective. I regret those abortions,
even as they occurred. I am actively pro-life, and I believe it will be
the testimonies of post-abortive men and women who educate the public
about the lies that the media and anti-life, I mean pro-choice groups like
NOW and Planned Parenthood espouse.

In your article you state: “I do not
believe that most people understand the brutality w/ which abortion is
perpetrated upon the only real victim in any abortion- the innocent
infant.” I agree with the first part of this statement, but I very much
disagree with the part about the “only real victim in any abortion- the
innocent infant.”

I believe that the woman having the
abortion is a victim (whether she realizes it or not). The fathers are
often victims because they often have no say in the process. Society, at
large is a victim, because every abortion takes away a unique miracle of
God, and every abortion is perpetuating the insidious culture of death.

I do agree with you that each of us is
personally responsible for our actions and choices. All choices have
consequences, whether they are "good" consequences or "bad" consequences.
I partially agree with your statement, "Women can only be considered
victims in one sense of the word. They have been conned by others...
They have been deceived into thinking that there are no psychological,
spiritual or emotional consequences." You need to add to that that women
are told that abortion is a safe procedure. They are NOT told that they
can become sterile, have a much higher chance of breast cancer, can
hemorrhage and can have serious female health problems the rest of their
lives as a result of having an abortion. Pro-life groups are trying to
get Congress to pass laws that say clinics have to tell them these
things. ... Hopefully soon...

You are very correct about being conned
that there are no psychological, spiritual or emotional consequences. In
Theresa Burke's book Forbidden Grief, she states on p. 33, "...
abortion touches on three central issues of a woman's self-concept: her
sexuality, her morality, and her maternal identity. It also involves the
loss of a child, or at least the loss of an opportunity to have a child.
In either case, this loss must be confronted, processed, and grieved in
order for the woman to resolve her experience." On p.34 she quotes Dr.
Fogel who is both a psychiatrist and an obstetrician and has personally
performed over 20,000 abortions. He states: “Every woman- whatever her
age, background or sexuality- has a trauma at destroying a pregnancy. A
level of humanness is touched. This is a part of her own life. When she
destroys a pregnancy, she is DESTROYING HERSELF (the victim’s own
emphasis). There is no way it can be innocuous. One is dealing with the
life force. It is totally beside the point whether or not you think a
life is there. You cannot deny that something is being created and that
this creation is physically happening. Often trauma may sink into the
unconscious and never surface in the woman's lifetime. But it is not as
harmless and casual an event as many in the pro-abortion crowd insists. A
psychological price is paid. It may be alienation; it may be a pushing
away from human warmth, perhaps a hardening of the maternal instinct.
Something happens on the deeper levels of a woman's consciousness when she
destroys a pregnancy. I know that as a psychiatrist."

You ask, " What possible set of
circumstances would make a female prefer death of her infant- is it
embarrassment, convenience?" What most people like you who have obviously
not (and thank God) had an abortion fail to understand, is that often
times it is a CRISIS. Think about it. When you are in a crisis, you do
what you think is best at that exact point in time. You may or may not
have time to make your decisions. You definitely are not thinking as
clearly and as objectively as you normally might. You are usually under
extreme pressure to perform. So it is with a "crisis pregnancy". I am
not condoning this, or using this as an excuse as to why women go have
abortions, but through my own experience of listening to many men and
women share their post abortive stories with our Ministry, and with my own
personal story, I know it to be true. As a defense mechanism, we block
out the fact that it is a baby we are killing. We just try to deal with
all the pressures surrounding the "crisis pregnancy". And of course:
Legally, must surely make it O.K.????? How else could we possibly be able
to do this evil thing? Intrinsically, we know that that is a BIG lie. God
did not make us to kill each other. But like me, I tried to bargain with
God. Trust me, I don't believe that ANY woman can have an abortion and
not be bothered by it. It is called DENIAL, which, as stated by Dr.
Fogel, can last a lifetime, but she will suffer, as will every one she
touches in her life.

You stated: “Once a woman has an abortion
it is emotionally easier to have another abortion. So it appears that
abortion functions as a sacrificial, selfish birth control method.” For
some, or even many, this may be true, but for many others, it is only
emotionally easier because we feel that we have committed the worse evil
crime and that we are going to hell anyway so what is one more... and one
more... etc. Typically post abortive people have very low self esteem.
We may show the world that we have our "act" together, but in reality, we
are just around the corner from the next "crisis", usually of our own
making. Theresa Burke has a theory that women who have multiple abortions
are subconsciously trying to recreate the situation so that they can get
"it" right. They want to be a good mother, wife, daughter, and if they
can just get one thing straight, everything else will fall into place.
Obviously "this" doesn't work because even though it may be a different
time, place, man, or it could be the same man; usually the situation is
similar, i.e. abusive relationship, one night stand, etc. It is kind of
like Gerri's story that you mention in your article.

On a personal note: I have had three
abortions, two from incest and one from my then boyfriend, who later
became my husband. The first two abortions were a result of incest, but I
denied that fact for 18 years. Each time I became pregnant, I agonized
about what I was doing and tried to make "deals" with God. I hated myself
for compromising my own morals. Obviously, I have come from an extremely
dysfunctional family, but God has always been a central part of my life,
and that is what has pulled me through my trials and tribulations.

The only reason I am telling you that two
of the abortions were from incest is to let you know that if: 1) I had
been a stronger person and reached out for help instead of making the
decisions all by myself I could have made a more informed decision; and 2)
Had someone grabbed me and said, "I will give you food and shelter and
help you place the child for adoption", I would have done that. 3) If
abortion was not legal, I would never have considered it as an option.

I always felt that I had murdered God's
children. Intellectually, I knew that God had forgiven me, but I could
not find it in my heart to accept that forgiveness, nor could I forgive
myself. To me it doesn't matter how a pregnancy occurs, God does not make
mistakes. A child is a child. In other words, I feel that incest or rape
is NOT a valid reason to have an abortion. The paradox of this is that I
still went through with the abortions even though I knew what I was doing
was horribly wrong. I suppose I was more afraid of the wrath of society
than I was afraid of the wrath of God. Of course I knew the wrath of God
was inevitable. I felt condemned so it didn't really matter anymore
whether I did the right thing or not.

I have gone through many countless hours
of therapy, but what really healed me of the trauma of abortion was
going to several Bible studies dealing with post abortion, and
attending two different Rachel's Vineyard Retreats. I have come to terms
with the abortions. I have thankfully accepted God's forgiveness, and I
have forgiven myself, but I am still trying to deal with the incest part
of my history.

Being part of a post abortion ministry has
also been a blessing from God and part of my healing journey. We
use Theresa Burke's program, Rachel's Vineyard, which is an emotional,
psychological and spiritual journey of healing. We have weekend retreats
about two or three times a year which provides a comfortable, confidential
and safe environment for women and men to explore their experiences of
abortion by talking through unresolved feelings and conflicts.
Participants are gently lead through the critical steps of healing after
abortion- spiritual exercises of God's compassion and mercy, the process
of grief, memorializing their aborted children, accepting God's
forgiveness, and forgiving oneself and others involved. We emphasize that
God is the healer, and we are only the vessels. It is a place to accept
God's mercy, and to find peace. We do not condemn the sinner, but we do
NOT condone the sin. We also help them realize what parts of the abortion
experience they are responsible for, and what parts they had no control
over. This helps them come to terms with events and people surrounding
the abortion.

We have had men and women who were
directly involved in the abortion, ie. Husband-wife; boyfriend-girlfriend;
woman w/ present husband who was not the father of the baby;
mother-daughter: mother forced teenage daughter to have abortion;
grandparents of aborted baby without the mother of the baby attend these
retreats. This just goes to show you who the abortion can affect. It is
like throwing a pebble in the water. It has a ripple effect. So not only
is the mother of the aborted baby affected, but so is everyone involved in
her life, then and now.

Part of the point of responding to your
news article was twofold. One is to ask you that in the future you be a
little more compassionate towards men and women who have had abortions. I
think you were almost as harsh on the side for LIFE as the "angry abortion
proponent" was for women’s RIGHT to choose. I certainly am NOT asking
you to condone their actions, but like in the story of the adulterous
woman, do not cast the stone. After everyone had left the courtyard, and
no one had thrown a stone at her, Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you.
Go and sin no more." Just like you stated that 62% of the population, and
according to Father Frank Pavone that number is even higher, really don't
support abortion; most women who have had an abortion very much regret
having their abortions. It just may take 10 -30 years to come to terms
with what they did and seek the healing grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Have you ever heard of the Silent No More
Campaign? It is a national grass roots organization that lets women who
have had abortions stand up and testify about why they regret their
abortions. We are trying to educate the public about the true
ramifications of abortions and how it affects each and every one of us.
Currently, the media projects the idea that women just LOVE to have an
abortion. Yet how many parties have you gone to where someone gleefully
announces, "I just had an abortion the other day, isn't that great?" What
I am trying to say is that society doesn't really accept abortion, and
people don't really want to hear about how you regret what you did because
you resolved a "problem". We are told "Get over it." So what do we post-
abortive people do? We go internal, and then eventually we find help, or
we go nuts - almost literally.

Here are some excellent websites that can start
helping you understand what abortion is medically, psychologically,
spiritually, and emotionally. It can also show you what's happening from
a legislative standpoint. See
www.priestforlife.org, and
www.rachelsvineyard.org

We pray for our enemies, not that they
might change, but that our hearts will be softened towards them. One of
the most Christ-like acts that we can perform is to extend forgiveness to
someone who has grievously wounded our bodies and souls. We can only truly
follow Christ if we also emulate his love and compassion for the most
monstrous crimes. It is relatively easy to forgive someone for minor
infractions but major offenses also require forgiveness – for our own
peace.

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