If I am feeling hurt and thinking, Rich doesn't care about my thoughts and feelings and I turn toward Rich fueled by my hurt, the result I will leave with is: I don't care about Rich's thoughts and feelings. Also I will have collected evidence that he does NOT care about mine. (I know this is true because it happened.)

I can allow myself to feel the hurt, without resisting or indulging. I can breath it in a gentle compassionate way until it dissipates. But I first have to be willing to feel the hurt.

I can then ask myself if the thought creating the hurt is serving me.

I can see evidence that many times I believe Rich DOES care about my thoughts and feelings. The thought He does NOT care certainly isn't' helpful or inspiring. Nor is it necessary. And I know when I feel hurt by Rich I don't love him well, so it is not a kind thought at all.

In this situation I might choose the thought Rich DOES care about my thoughts and feelings. Most of the time, I really do believe that thought. Or I could choose the thought, Rich and are on the same team. Or Weboth want to feel connected.

I decide to pick the thought We are on the same team. It makes me feel connected. Now when I take the action of turning toward him, I am not sweeping my hurt under the rug nor indulging my feelings of hurt. I allowed myself to feel that, remember?

I allowed my feelings, found compassion for myself, and I created a helpful thought and feeling to bring into my turning toward Rich.

When we allow our unintentional feelings without indulging or resisting, and manage the thoughts we bring into the action of Turning Toward our husband, we get different results. We can't determine how he will respond to us, but when we come from a place of positive emotion we show up in a way that makes us at peace with ourselves.

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Where we are in life proves what we are thinking. When we change our perspective, we can change our lives and our relationships.