This blog is devoted to stuff that white people like

#43 Plays

While white people certainly love “the cinema,” they are required to balance their interest in film with an interest in live theater, most notably plays.

In spite of plays having minimal sets, no special effects, an intermission, and a higher admission price, white people believe that live theater is essential to any cultured city.

It is not known if white people actually enjoy plays or if they are just victims of massive peer pressure from the 45% of white people who have acted in a play at some point in their life.

The only real advice around this subject is to never accept an invitation from a white person to go see a play. Often times you will be supporting their friend or cousin and then get stuck with a $45 ticket (at least) and three hours of trying to figure how close you are to the end.

I’m white and I hate plays and don’t go. I am so uninterested in plays that I didn’t even know the tickets cost $45. Going by your parameters, my fashion taste about plays is more refined than the white author of this blog.

THANK YOU. Wtf is up with this? I’m sorry, but when I grew up poor, and mostly white, TV and movies were real entertainment. Then when I moved to college, it was just movies. Theatre (inverted spelling and all) was but an afterthought.

And I’m sorry to all those thespians, but having seen a lot of both stage and screen, there’s a reason Vaudeville died (soon to be followed by Broadway). Cry all you want, but only rich New Yorkers really care about that crap anymore anyway.

Happy to substitute Disney animation for ‘The Lion King,’
-A Member of the 21st Century

Another spot on post. White people, ever concerned about living the life they see in TV commercials and New Yorker ads, the theatre is-in a word-essential. Why is there so much antipathy towards the truths highlighted by this blog? They are all true. In fact, this blog usually doesn’t go far enough.
Still fun to read.

If you live in NYC, it’s a rite of passage that you will attend some lousy plays that your friends are in. Even worse, you’ll see a play your friend WROTE. The toughest rite is to attend a play that’s been written by a friend who is also the star.

These events will cause you to re-evaluate your friendship with such a person for the following reasons.

1. Once you attend a friend’s play, it is automatically assumed you will be attending future plays. That can be tough, especially since these plays are ridiculously long.

2. Many people write plays as an excuse to either get naked themselves or get someone they have a crush on to appear naked on stage. This can put a lot of strain on a friendship.

For these reasons, you’ll quickly develop a ratio of play quality vs. worth of friend as valuable business contact.

At the very least, you will learn how to diplomatically decline future invitations and develop the art of creative excuses…something white people are very good at.

“Theatre” is the British spelling and “theater” is the American spelling — and there’s no other difference except pretense. Most American English dictionaries will list both as interchangeable (with “theater” first) because the British spelling remains so popular among those who feel it looks more cultural, for whatever reason.

The notion that “theater” is a building compared to “theatre” as a subject or art form is a recent invention that doesn’t have anything to do with how the spellings developed. I’m seeing it repeated more and more thanks to the Internet, but that doesn’t make it valid. In England, a theatre is still a building — along with various American buildings using the British spelling as part of their proper names. Likewise, many or most (but of course, not all) American colleges list Theater for the area of study to be consistent with standard spelling.

Either spelling is fine with me. Although the colonies brought their language from Mother England, dictionaries aren’t quite that old and the spelling standards on both sides of the water are roughly the same age and equally official. It’s only odd to me when people use American spellings for everything except that one word. Is it an inferiority complex, or what?

While I understand that it is the trend to go and see a play instead of a movie, you all seem too forget that it is live art. It takes a large amount of energy and time to produce something you view as silly and crappy.

I work in theater, and I know that there are a lot of plays that would have been better off if left unwritten. But you all don’t seem to understand the true beauty of it.

If the theater scene and experience is not for you, that’s fine. That’s your right, and it’s understandable. Again, there are a lot of people that do it for the cred. But don’t forget that there are also a lot of people that go to see them and that are in them because they sincerely love and enjoy them.

Don’t make such a generalization. This isn’t to the actual post, just come of the comments.

anon is right. A theatre may be a building in England, but in the States, it’s the institution, the artform, the “magic,” if you will.

And for the record, if you’ve ever seen good, solid theatre, you know that it’s both an instructional and emotional artform. I love explosions and boobies and car chases as much as the next guy (hell, I DO film), but a mass-produced, packaged entertainment reel just ain’t an adequate substitute every time for the commitment of human beings giving you everything they’ve got right in front of your face.

Theatre has been around for thousands of years…literally since the dawn of recorded history. Although I am enjoying pretty much every entry in this blog, it is absurd to suggest that only contemporary “hip” white people patronize the theatre.

There is a lot of shitty theatre out there; there is a lot of great theatre out there. In Baltimore there is a huge presence of non-white and non-American theatre-makers.

As you may have guessed, I have an “arts” degree in theatre. I am passionate about theatre. Before television or film, theatre was a huge part of mass enertainment. With the advent of those mediums as well as the internet, the live performance is still figuring out its new place in society.

Also, it’s generally accepted in the theatre community that the art form is spelled “theatre” and the location is spelled “theater”. You may call it a neologism, but for people who (frankly) know what the hell they’re talking about this is common usage.

i have been performing in plays since i was a kid.
when i look out into the crowd, its a sea of white, every night.
i think the argument isnt whether or not theatre(er) or plays are any good, its just that white folks really like it. and from my experience, it doesnt matter if its good. white folks come anyway.
theres a guy i work with, says, ‘theyre here because it hurts. and if it hurts, they think its good for them.’
thats white alright!
ps
theatre(er) geeks: please stop defending us. you make us look worse (we already look bad).

The problem with the theater is that most of it is awful. That’s an easy statement to make, of course, since most plays are done by shitty high school/college programs, community theaters, and artsy-fartsy “experimental” drama companies. Sure, some of those shows are good, but most of them suck. That said, let’s not kid ourselves. The vast majority of movies, TV shows, and books are really shitty too. I’m not saying this is a new phenomenon. I’m sure that’s always been the case to some extent. Generally speaking, we only happen to remember the good plays, books, and movies of the past (“good,” of course, being one of those pesky “relative” terms that, well… white people love identifying). But here’s the thing. There’s a big difference between watching a shitty play and watching a shitty movie. If you think back on all the movies you’ve ever seen in your life, you probably watched most of them either on TV, DVD/VHS, or nowadays streaming from a computer. In those instances, if the show sucks, you can turn it off or you can do something else and completely ignore it in the hope that you find something somewhat worthwhile halfway through it. Because of this, we’ve become all the more complacent about the shittiness of movies and televisions shows today. In short, we, for whatever reason, have come to accept that mindless entertainment has a place in our lives. I’m not trying to say that’s a good thing, but, for many people, it’s simply a fact.

That being said, the charm of going to a play, for many people, is that, at the very least, it is not intended (by the persons producing the play) to be mindless entertainment. It’s intended (whether or not they managed to make good on that intention) to be a thought-provoking reflection upon the human experience. If you choose to attend what is supposed to be a serious work of drama (and especially if you choose to see the play for itself, not simply to support a friend involved in the production), you are going in with the same mindset that one would have when watching, for example, The Godfather or some other great work of film. The problem is that, as said, most plays suck. The Godfather never fails. It never stops being really fucking awesome. You just don’t have that same assurance when going to a play. Sure, you’d like that assurance (especially given the steep ticket prices), but most plays will fall short in one way or another.

Combine this with the insufferable length of some plays, the forced stoic silence among audience members, and the cramped sitting arrangements, you may very well be in for a truly miserable evening when you go to a play (statistically speaking). This is made all the worse by the fact that you can’t turn a play off if it sucks, and, unlike going to the movies, you certainly can’t freely snicker with your friends while watching it, unless you want to be a contemptible asshole. Of course, it’s always the worst when it’s not just a bad play, but a bad play in which a close friend was involved. First, you can’t really walk out in the middle of it without creating serious awkwardness. Then, when the play is over, you are forced to blow sunshine up your friend’s ass and tell them how great they were (even if they were awful). That can get really awkward really quickly, especially if you are bad at bullshitting.

Conceding all of that, it is very important to acknowledge that there are some absolutely amazing plays out there. Some of the most important works of literature are works of drama, and, if you’re lucky enough to see a truly great play, it really is an amazing experience. There’s nothing like actually being able to lose yourself in a great show. In fact, because you are face-to-face with the actors and because anything can happen amidst the spontaneity of the moment, I would posit that seeing a truly great play is a far, far more rewarding experience than seeing a truly great movie. Because of this, I’d also posit that, after all is said and done, its worth sitting through a few bad shows (to an extent) in an effort to find a great theatrical experience. I happen to be a playwright, so perhaps I’m biased. My point is only that I understand why so many people hate going to plays, but I would also encourage those same people to not write off plays altogether.

Of course, I understand that many of you might have already decided to stick to movies and TV (even while conceding that most movies and TV shows are just as shitty as the shittiest plays out there). However, for those of you who haven’t given up on theater quite yet (but may be quickly losing patience), I’d recommend you hedge your bets. See a professional (or conservatory) production, if your town has a professional company or a legit conservatory. You might also want to choose a vetted play, like Long Day’s Journey Into Night, A Doll’s House, Death of a Salesman, or Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf. Read the reviews first, if you have a credible reviewer in town. Chances are, if you do that, you’ll see a great play sooner than later. Then, after that experience, you’ll see why people like me are willing to risk several evenings out of their lives on plays. My apologies for being a long-winded bastard. Many thanks to anyone that actually read all of this. I hope you didn’t find it a total waste of your time.

Theatre isn’t a “white” art… it’s been around throughout human history, and in many different forms it’s been a big part of pretty much every culture to grace the planet… it’s history, man, and you probably realize this but are more interested in making simplistic jokes and having your internet popularity skyrocket. also, the word “white” is not interchangeable with “snotty hipster kid”. This is really stupid.

Theatre/Theater (a really stupid & semantic argument) has been used for centuries and gives the same purpose as books (another thing white literate people like); education and communication. When asked what they prefer to do, film or theatre, most thespians pick theatre because of the discipline.

We are in an A.D.D.(led) world where the most popular sport is channel surfing! Theatre haters hate it because it means they would actually have to get off their McDonald’s eating, cellulite filled ass and actually go outside and experience something that doesn’t have to be plugged in!

So instead of hating on something that can actually bring a lot of joy, why don’t you put down your Panasonic Universal Remote and go to the library or a free show in the park.

For those of you who don’t have a calendar between your couch to your bed to your computer to your toilet to your fridge, it IS spring now. Your local park or theatre/theater is proably setting up free shows. Try and muster up enough energy to pull one foot in front of the other (it’s called walking) and go out to get some culture. C U L T U R E. Sound it out, darling, that’s right. No, not the stuff at the bottom of your yogurt can (if you even knew that’s what that stuff is called).

Theatre-haters are pathetic. A group of people so resistant to education. What happened? Someone trip you up to the stage when getting your “I graduated 8th Grade” certificate, and you just gave up after that?

Yeah right. All white people have seen a play- and I’m sure most Mexican, Black, Chinese, etc… have too. Think about your school plays even-
And why are so many people uptight about this shit, it’s hilarious.

Actually, most white people can’t stand plays. They just like to pretend they like them so they look cultured, even though there’s usually the sound of snoring in the seats after the first ten minutes.

Theater (and especially theatre) has a certain snob appeal which allows one to justify spending three hours sitting in a lawn chair, guzzling Chardonnay, listening to a language which – although an antique variation of one’s own – one does not understand.

Many summers ago, the Shakespeare festival in my town decided to put on “Damn Yankees” while the local musical theater company took on “Sweeney Todd”. Both shows were financial failures. I suspect that the Shakespeare patrons found the classic musical comedy was not elite enough for their tastes. Likewise, the musical theater’s patrons walked out in droves every night as the Judge literally whipped himself into a frenzy over his adopted daughter. Had the two venues traded productions, their audiences might have been happier.

As for me, I dread the day when theater makes the list of “Stuff Old People Like”, if it hasn’t already.

Okay, admittedly, seeing a play is an excruciating experience. There’s the stuffy atmosphere, the uncomfortable seating, poor acoustics, the erstwhile friend in the play who needs to be told his performance “rocked,” and, of course, the exorbitant cost. But if you want to ratchet up the misery a little more then by all means go see a musical production.

Before radio and television, feeding Christians to lions was a
“huge” part of mass entertainment. And people liked going to public executions,too. We’ve refined our sensibilities these days, eschewing such barbarity as well as live theatre, preferring instead a little Internet porn or the occasional “Survivor” episode. Our culture, you see, has evolved.

Hey, Joey, Jews in general are funny. And, in general, they love some corned beef brisket. They also know their way around a major league curveball ( just ask Sandy Koufax) and some gangsterly double-crossing ( just ask Meyer Lansky) . But first and foremost, they are funny. As for Mel Brooks holding the Funniest Jew belt, I’d love to see him go fifteen with Woody Allen.

I pretty much have been guilted into watching more than one play in my life time. One of them was even about “hillbillies singing gospel” *shudder, and I almost never recovered from it. Hate isn’t too strong a word. Somehow every year or so I get duped into one. Its kind of like the accident that Mary Kaye parties are, everyone warns you not to go, and then you kind of commit anyway-without really thinking. Long about act 48, you start wondering who the hell had the right to create this monument to human suffering anyway. And. I don’t want any of your damn make up Mary.

I’m an English major and you wouldn’t believe the looks of hatred I get when I say that I generally can’t stand modern plays. It’s as though I’ve admitted to torturing small animals or children. But many plays written since the 1960s just try too hard to be postmodern and don’t make sense and they suck. They suck ass!

I agree with the opening topic. Plays are a white thing.
Blacks are now doing it to try and still over come the problems they face in Hollywood because we know that a lot of white TV and movie stars started in theatre.
I personally don’t care one bit about plays. As a matter of fact if I’m watching a movie and they start singing I shut it off.

I found this blog pretty funny and very true, even though I am white myself. The main theme in most of the posts being white people trying to look “informed, current, hip, right, just etc without actually being so” is true, I agree a lot of PRIVELDGED white people do this just to seem this way, but are actually and truly ignorant. (I would know, I moved to a privileged white neighbor from a not so privileged and run down city). I got a bit angry reading this post about plays, being an avid thespian myself. As a previous comment said rightly, theater is about EDUCATION,HISTORY, and COMMUNICATION. It’s not supposed to be a ruckus or fun time, and not necessarily fun or entertaining either.( I might add, it is a dying art in this day and age here in America, but there are still some committed people out there.) Many cultures have different forms of theater. It’s goals are similar to books, or any pure art form. I enjoy movies as well, but increasingly fewer and fewer( Give me Old Hollywood, and classic British style acting any day.) And I agree “indie” and “avant garde” films are bullshit. I don’t even want to get started on the horrible acting and terrible self consciousness of their “low budget” and “quirky” -ness. Trash. And I can safely say most white people don’t give a damn about Shakespeare let alone UNDERSTAND it. HEAVENS! You’d be hard pressed to find one that actually took the time to decipher Shakespeare’s backwards language, piece it back together, understand what it’s all about, and be able to learn and appreciate it’s detail, complexity, completeness, universal truths and lessons, history, and beauty. That would be way too much effort, and it would be easier to see an “21st century take on Hamlet taking place in the city”. SORRY, you’re not meant to relate to Hamlet, and he was not “a guy like you”. Disgusting. Despite the fact that a good amount of their oft corrected English was formed by Shakespeare…white people don’t really get it they would rather see an indie piece of shit play or movie( no one will remember or care about in a couple years because all it is, is a self-glorifying shit fest) instead of universally true and celebrated plays which have been around for hundreds of years.

Also note the smattering of Appearing Empathetic with Personal Anecdotes of ”Poverty” Thanks so much for this. For those not in the know consider this post, and subsequent posts to be an improper use of “Irony” and “Sarcasm.”

You’re awesome Devon… but perhaps you didn’t notice your own invocation of “irony” in your own stupid post. You’re obviously a complete idiot, and have a huge chip on your shoulder. I’m sure it sucks to be unsuccessful and insecure and have an inferiority complex (as you and everyone that’s contributed to this site clearly deal with).

Wow Nekita, get over yourself. Everyone has to decipher and understand the themes and universal thruths of Shakespeare to pass grade 10 English. Get off your high horse and refer to the ancedote on white people liking arts degrees.

And as you are such a noted thespian, have fun wasting your life doing something that you describe as an activity that “is not supposed to be a ruckus or fun time, and not necessarily fun or entertaining either.”

Life is too short to act uppity, I should know, I am a priveleged white guy.

Hmm. I think I am maybe the un-whitest white person because I don’t do many of these things. I do some of them though and I know people who do A LOT. But it’s all funny because it’s all true about most white people.

Who cares? Don’t be ashamed of it, that’s for sure. On a another note: this really isn’t about “white people” it’s about “white, yuppy, middle to upper class white people.” I know plenty of white people that don’t do any of these things.

I gotta agree with Devon. This is post is as white as possible. We should all be thankful to see such a textbook example right on the “Stuff White People Like” site. Now we aren’t just learning about white people. We’re experiencing them firsthand.

Amen. This is satire, and not to be taken too seriously. However, this is also part of our culture, and we have been conditioned to think that white culture is a heritage of slavery and genocide (not true). Be proud of who you are, what you enjoy, and who your people are. Pride doesn’t make you a supremacist. It’s okay to have a little pride. This isn’t a blanket racist statement claiming that ALL white people are like this. However it’s the “funny because it’s true” style of humor that makes this so applicable to White People, because we can attribute so much of this to ourselves and people we know. Hell, this list describes my entire city. It’s brilliant.

You should refine this post a bit. Drop some names such as Shakespeare (pedestrian), Albee (more so), and anyone whose name sounds foreign (Chekov — the one NOT from Star Trek).

Of course, the play’s venue counts for more than the content. A standard city arts venue — such as generically named “performing arts centers” will NOT do. The truly “artsy” plays happen in places that don’t look artsy — such as old auto repair shops or homeless shelters.

I must be a very atypical white person. I am a 67-year-old male. I went through the full list and only found THREE things that I like at all: #53 dogs, #99 grammar, and #114 America. I have NO interest in Barack Obama, diversity, the New York Times, yoga, film festivals, or San Francisco. Especially San Francisco. It’s obvious that this should be called Stuff LIBERAL/LEFTY White People Like, because it certainly does not include conservatives. That’s fine, but call it what it is! A huge percentage of white people do not find themselves in here at all. I have never even HEARD of David Sedaris!

I am also pretty conservative, however I have found that a lot of these apply to me (Indie music, I have no qualms about diversity, tea, coffee, etc.) and I have heard of David Sedaris. I guess it just depends to what you have been exposed, whether or not you find it interesting, and your age group. This blog is meant mainly to be a joke and it’s entertaining to read. I feel your frustration, though, that most of this stuff tends to apply to leftists.

Are you Italian or Portugese? Because if so you’re only technically white. Join the Episcopal church, shave twice a day, stay out of the sun, dye your hair dingy mouse brown, wear Izod-Lacoste or Brookes Bros whenever possible and all will be well.

This website is funny, it is just making fun of white people and some common themes that whites show. This is funny only because it is true for the new generation of whites, not old whites, but the x and y generations more so. Being British this and living in America this is ridiculously funny, never let this site die!!!

yes, you are very very special. in fact, your love of dogs,grammar and that great country of yours is a shining beacon of hope in these times of confusing diversity, deviant independent film festivals and that other stuff you listed.

however, the above may all be attributed to you being old and the people the blog is about being young. yes, that indeed seems likely.

that was so poorly written. I know i’m being a bitch for saying that, but I’m in the middle of procrastinating writing a paper and I feel like feeling superior. First of all, the overall point to that comment was “this site is funny because this IS what white people like.” Duh. Also whites don’t show “themes”, they show characteristics. I’m guessing you sing? I’m heading to new york to (unadvisedly) pursue a career in the theater. I hope musical theater people exceed my expectations in terms of intelligence.

It is sad that live theater is dying. It’s not always artsy crap. And having that rep causes it to be increasingly marginalized to the point that it become self-fulling and self-perpetuating.

Agreed, a majority of musicals are for a purely entertainment value. Though you do have some (and I hate mention it), like Spring Awakening, that do tackle some heavier subject matter. And though I’ve yet to see them, I’ve heard nothing but amazing things about August Osage County and Next To Normal. To find good theatre one just has to know where to look.

As far as plays being excruciatingly long, it varies person to person. I’ve had no trouble sitting through a nearly 3 hours performance of The Country Wife (it was funnier and dirtier than most things you’ll see on tv) but found myself fidgety during a production of The Cherry Orchard. I also have a friend who admits she has no mind or attention span for full length plays but I have taken her to some One Act plays that she’s not only been able to tolerate but has immensely enjoyed.

I’m white, and a former film student. Despite their best efforts to inspire a theater-going aspect in me, I still don’t really like it. The writing is always needlessly wordy and oftentimes (in my opinion) frivolous, and there seems to be only one time period that a “good play” can occupy (besides, of course, one by Shakespeare) which is “sort of 19th century southern-ish.” People wear suspenders and say things like, “Gee, Mr. Phelpsman, Ah shore wish I could tell ya, but I can’t. Maybe Annie May can.” I also don’t like live musical comedies, the obvious “wink-wink, nod-nod” humor drives me crazy! That’s not to say there are not good plays or good theater experiences, but for some reason I am not usually very enthused.

This one career is for drama queens, I need to get onto the acting world and do my theaterical performances not with my friends in a workplace lunch room or on the internet (the art of trolling). I want people to pay $45 into my million dollar contract by the playwright company, but the chances of acting even on a local TV commercial is 1 billion to one. +

tripod, The original stereotype of play actors were Jewish or able to sing it in Yiddish. I’m talking about the 1890’s when the “‘Hey brews were in da house, foo” representing the L.E.S. their graffiti code on the red brick walls of the Five Points when Irish and Italian gangs claimed a piece of turf. You can tell I watched a film “Gangs of New York” but what if it was done on a stage play? Couldn’t get better. +

Plays? Oh no. CATS. RENT. HAIR. Annie. the Chorus Line. and the Lion King (that’s Disney not on ice). What about the Phantom of the Opera, the most romantic moment is when a lovely lady takes off the pianist stranger’s mask. What does she see? Freak show. +

No, that’s the “American” way, though the French adapted it in French and the Russians tried out the Soviet Union idea but didn’t get it right. I always thought Magna Carta was the first human rights document written in 1215 (old joke: I missed it by 2 hrs. 45 mins. ago). +

Time for the Mr. Safety song “Let’s all make poop” available on youtube. I recommend it for grade school and thank god I don’t have children attending it. At least they learned on the playground where babies come from. +

Then you can leave and don’t let the door hit your @ss on your way out. ROFLMAO. You hadn’t seen “Jesus Christ Superstar” performed by hippies who thought Jesus was the first one. Another one recommended when on acid is “Johnson and the technicolor dreamcoat”.+

But since I’m an undercover drama queen, maybe I will hit the big time before my ass gets worn out. Pretending to scream every time some Tom, Dick and Harry does a threesome on me can get tiresome. I’m afraid that my holes would be stretched out too much for any use when I get into real acting. My dream is to be the biggest gay male porno star of all times!!

Used to be in drama in school (large percentage of whites are) and yeah, theater is kind of lame. Especially since Broadway productions seem to be just taking good movies most people have already watched and putting them to music, or doing a musical that was done a long time ago and has already been adapted into a movie (and people will still pay to see it again). And amateur productions suck too. But I guess I kept convincing myself that the plays we did didn’t suck and that the director would notice my stellar performance of “guy mouthing peas and carrots in the background” and give me a lead part.

White people, well all people, also enjoy http://www.NakedHipster.com. Mainly because the girls are hot and don’t have clothes on. Usually those two things go well together. You know, the hotness and the nakedness.
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Don’t be ridiculous: some plays don’t have minimal sets and some have special effects. You can see a good play for less than $20, or even $5. $45 ticket? You can go to an opera with that. Three hours? Many plays don’t exceed 2.5 hours. It’s true that some plays you regret the time and money you spent after seeing, but sometimes that happens with cinema too. IMHO, live theatre is much more exciting than cinema, even the (fake) 3D (live theatre is the real 3D), so it’s worth the price. BTW, I’m Asian and I’d love my country to have more live theatre.

Well said. I feel as being European that there are so many things a person from the US like the author will consider being snob or “white” like trains, not owning a car, architecture, pot, good cinema, good music or good food, going to the theater, concerts,… all that shit is normal to me and my peers and NO ONE would consider me a hipster or snob, me and my family don’t have much money and I don’t go on wine tasting trips. And I still like football, love pizza, waste my time on the internet and most books I read are mangas…