Soaps couples who can't stay together—or apart

It was raining in Port Charles last week, so, naturally, Sonny and Carly shared an ill-advised sex romp on General Hospital. (Not that fair weather would have stopped them, just that they’ll grab at any excuse.) Ill-advised sex romps are about the only kind this couple ever has. Starting from their very first time, back in 1999, when Sonny wanted to prove to his best friend Jason that his girlfriend Carly was a slut (and, obviously, there is only one way to do that), up through the infamous “limo grief sex” (they were sad because it looked like their son, Michael, might never come out of his coma) to the sex they had because they were sad about post-coma Michael going to prison, to now, where, sure, let’s blame it on the weather. Or the pizza. Or Carly’s new boyfriend, the reformed serial killer, who probably isn’t good for her. Whatever point he has to make, Sonny only has one way of making.

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But lest you think General Hospital’s four-time married and divorced signature pair are the only ones in daytime who can’t stay together or apart, rest assured, they’ve got plenty of company.

Take, for instance, Days of Our Lives’ Sami. She frequently juggles not one, but two, dysfunctional relationships. This summer, she remarried EJ so she could steal his family company in response to EJ’s affair with Abigail. And this is after EJ more or less raped her years ago by refusing to save the life of her-then love, Lucas, unless Sami slept with him. Meanwhile, Lucas is the guy Sami first lied about being the father of her oldest son, Will, then was planning to marry while pregnant with twins—one fathered by Lucas and one by EJ. Rhett Butler may have told Scarlett he can’t keep waiting to catch her between husbands, but Lucas and EJ apparently like taking turns.

On The Young & the Restless, it’s Victor and Nikki who fit the bill. What started as a story about a controlling billionaire playing Pygmalion by turning a trashy stripper into a lady (well, sort of; she quit stripping, at least), quickly became an endless series of marriages and divorces interspersed with extra-marital affairs, marriages to and divorces from other people, faked terminal illnesses, deathbed weddings, and two children named, oh so originally, Victoria and Nicholas.

As for sister-soap The Bold & the Beautiful, everyone knows that Brooke and Ridge will always find their way back to each other (just ask Taylor. And Eric. And Ashley. And Thorne. And Deacon. And…). At the moment, Brooke is with Bill and Ridge is with Katie. But does anyone really believe there’s not another tear-filled reunion on the horizon?

In fact, it seems that the only way for a star-crossed (that’s a nice way of putting it) soap couple to end up together for good is for the show to be cancelled.

All My Children wrapped up its ABC run with Erica swearing to get Jack back—again—after 20 plus years that included Erica sleeping with Jack while married to his brother, a kidnapping trial where Jack defended Erica (and lost), then a murder trial where Jack prosecuted Erica (and lost) and, finally, a marriage that lasted all of two years followed by another half a decade of back and forth. Since neither Jack nor Erica appeared on the web revival of the show, and since Erica always gets what she wants in the end, viewers are free to assume that Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery are living happily ever after—off-screen.

On the other hand, the web revival of One Life to Live confirmed that Llanview’s Viki and Clint, as well as Blair and Todd were on-again (even if Todd was obliged to take off for parts unknown, leaving a sobbing Blair crumpled against the door, in order to protect his family from vague, evil forces). The show’s second cancellation made their reunions permanent.

The same goes for Guiding Light’s Reva and Josh, who sealed their life-long “Always” connection (which managed to remain intact despite Reva marrying Josh’s brother. And his father. And, because fair is fair, Josh marrying Reva’s sister) by happily driving off in a pick-up truck during the credits. Unaware that Reva’s presumed dead husband, Jeffrey, was alive and engaged in his own battle against vague evil. This time on a rooftop.

As the World Turns’ Carly and Jack also sneaked in a reconciliation just under the wire as, on the day the last show aired in 2010, not only was Jack confirmed to not be the father of his ex’s son, but Carly revealed herself to be pregnant and—bonus—for the first time ever, the baby was most definitely Jack’s, rather than the questionable paternity that accompanied the birth of her son Parker (not Jack’s) and daughter Sage (Jack’s—though it was a close call). Without any evidence to the contrary, viewers can sleep soundly at night, secure in the knowledge that the Snyders are still a happy family in 2014.

Who is your favorite soap multi-married couple? Got one that’s split up now, but it’s only a matter of time before they’re back together? Or how about one that, thanks to cancellation, you just know is still going strong.