I have in the past (recent past) cursed, yelled, screamed, and threw things in the air (of course looking like fool). I am still presently mad at God. I hear the bible says that he does not give us more than we can bare. Truth is I can't bare this path he has placed me on. Each day I fight for guidiance and all I hear is silence and that makes me more upset.

God says he helps those that helps themselfs. Okay I work, I struggle like every other American. But why when I see the silver lining, does God slam me back? I hear people say its the devil that slams me back. But then I revert and ask this, why did God allow it? Again back to, God doesn't give me more than I can handle. So which is it? The Devil or God?

I just found out I am going to be placed on a heart and lung transplant. I have always had a bad heart since I was born, no biggie. But now I have a liver diease, lung diease, and brain damage and it all stems from the heart. To top that off, I am about to get evicted because I can't work any longer and SSI, well they are taking their sweet time. (been 9 months of waiting for them to make a decision).

I am fighting not to go on the streets. I need my oxygen to stay alive. My family has no room for me. And my fiance looks worn out.

So my question is... Will god forgive me for hating him right now? I cry everyday wanting to know why, what next, what can I do? I hear nothing but silence. And I scream again.

I think God is a 'big boy' and can handle your yelling at Him! I think He's a lot more understanding than we often give Him credit for. You're in a rough spot right now, and it's completely understandable that you would be upset with God. I'm sure He, who knows all things, would understand this. If you think about it, it's kind of a compliment to Him that you got angry. That means that you acknowledge and care! The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.

I wish and hope for your healing. I'm on Social Security Disability too, and yes they do take their sweet time! Do you have any representation (a lawyer or advocacy group) helping you? I think most will only take a part of the 'back pay' you get at the very beginning if you win the case...other than that, nothing out of pocket. They don't get paid unless you do. If not, I'd suggest at least checking it out, because it can go a long way. I had representation and got mine in 7 months for multiple conditions.

If you read the book of Job in the OT, you will find that this man Job really got stuck into God.

He blamed him for the way he was treated (he lost all his children and all his belongings). He called God a madman and said he sympathised with Him because only madmen make it. He called him a hunter who loved to stalk his prey until he exhausted them and then killed them. He had a number of other things to say about God which in any one's book were anything but complementary.

The interesting thing is that at the end of the book God says that Job did not sin even with his mouth. My take on this is that God prefers honest feelings rather than trying to have God on by hiding your feelings.

Ladywhisper: I have in the past (recent past) cursed, yelled, screamed, and threw things in the air (of course looking like fool). I am still presently mad at God. I hear the bible says that he does not give us more than we can bare. Truth is I can't bare this path he has placed me on. Each day I fight for guidiance and all I hear is silence and that makes me more upset.

If it weren't for your avatar, I'd swear you were my mother. She's going through the same thing. (edit: Well, hers is a more mental than physical issue, but the emotions are the same)

God says he helps those that helps themselfs.

Well, technically, that's not in the bible. I think it's Aesop's Fables.

Will god forgive me for hating him right now? I cry everyday wanting to know why, what next, what can I do? I hear nothing but silence. And I scream again.

It is my humble opinion that no forgiveness is necessary. God understands why you'd be so irritable. This, IMHO, is why He spared Cain. Let's face it, God made Cain a murderer. He was arbitrary in His blessing, it wasn't fair, and all God could really tell Cain was "get over it". This is why, after the deed, instead of vaporizing him, God lets him off basically scot-free. Cain's fury is completely understandable and seemed almost baited. I no longer believe in "omnipotence" they way we usually think of it. I believe that God is merely a Tinkerer, taking what is already in existence and forming it to His liking (more or less). He is way more powerful than us, but what is clear is that no one is above the law of nature. God could have easily stopped A&E or Cain from screwing up, if He truly had omnipotence. The fact He didn't gives us a clue why He's so forgiving after they screw up. It's almost like a tacit admission that He can only influence the chances, not outright poof something out of thin air. In Genesis, He poofs up the universe and man (well, in the first chapter anyway), but in the second, He MAKES us out of stuff already on hand. This, IIRC, is considered the older story and ironically the more realistic, given what we know of nature. No, I don't believe in a historical A&E, but it's the themes I believe are true.

In essence, what I'm really trying to say is that God isn't going to blame you when the cards were stacked against you in the first place.

birwin4: My take on this is that God prefers honest feelings rather than trying to have God on by hiding your feelings.

This. God doesn't like suck-ups. As He supposedly said through John the Baptist, He can make "yes-men" out of some rocks. They are essentially worthless. Job is the poster boy for how "curse God is a sin" can be incredibly cruel. No matter how cruel you think God is for smiting Job, God comes around and disses the "friends" of Job for being even BIGGER jerks for blaming the victim.

Knock and the door shall open. It's not my fault if you don't like the decor.

God says he helps those that helps themselfs. Okay I work, I struggle like every other American. But why when I see the silver lining, does God slam me back? I hear people say its the devil that slams me back. But then I revert and ask this, why did God allow it? Again back to, God doesn't give me more than I can handle. So which is it? The Devil or God?

Knowing scripture is so important . Our God is a God of Love . Sin entered the world with Adam and Eve . They had the choice to obey or disobey . We know they disobeyed . There is much pain in the world . God is not the one who gives us pain . Jesus healed all who asked him when he was here among his people . He hasn't changes . He still heals today the same way he did with his apostles . We are his apostles today . We can pray for healing for ourselves and others . The bible does say to seek first the kingdom of God . Is that what we do ?

Years ago I was very much stuck . I had been tortured , beaten and what not . Was that God doing that ? No it wasn't God . I did ascribe to God all kinds of unsavory stuff . I rejected Christ than I was really sick . A darkness came over me now called depression - I call it now the dominion of darkness .I had to repent of that . Come Lord Jesus and make me whole .

Luke 15:23-24

"Take the fatted calf and kill it .Let us eat and celebrate , because this son of mine was dead and has come back t life .He was lost and is found ."

The fact is every one that Repents with all their heart shall be cleansed. If one doesn't embrace God's mercy (The sacrifice) then they will be found gulity according to the law at judgement.

1 Jn.1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

God has a blueprint for Salvation. Those that embrace (seek) it shall recieve it. Those who dont are embracing (spiritual) death and shall recieve it. The unpardonable sin is to rebuke God's mercy (the Holy Spirit of truth).

God's people have never been a stranger to tribulation. He is our Strength through weakness (trials and tribualtions). We must be born of the Spirit to see the kingdom (Spiritual comfort).

Bob chopped Matt.12:31 in hafe in his quote, I suggest At Least the whole verse.

*Also: We need to ALWAYS remember Not to Blame God for our burdens. God Strongly dislikes this and has told us of Harsh effects for doing so/ Jer.23:33-40/ here is a clip:

"I, will utterly forget you, and I will forsake you, and the city that I gave you and your fathers, and cast you out of my presence: And I will bring an everlasting reproach upon you, and a perpetual shame, which shall not be forgotten."

As for the context of God will never put more on us than we can handel, there is a context to that too. God is speaking to his sheep. There is nothing that will overwhelm a child of God who is in an Ongoing Relationship with him. This isnt to say they wont face tribulation, for some of them will even be tourtured and murdered (Matt.24:9/Rev.6:10-11).

There are standards to be met to recieve blessings and or cursings. We all are held accountable of our own actions. They are forgotten when we Repent (Our righteous works is all we can take with us).

You said some things that have me concerned. You siad when you posted that you are "still presently mad at God". You were considering who to blame Satan and or God for problems and how God allows things to happen. I understand that you are facing situations that you sincerly are concerned about. Just know that God is love. To know love is to know God. We were created for his pleasure (Rev.4:11) and being made at him doesnt pleasure him.

In this physical realm good and bad effect one another and these corruptible bodies age, get sick and are prone to disease and injury. You may be in a position to pleasure God greatly with all the situations you listed above to Praise him openly still from the heart. The spiritual war has BEEN on and it for the individual to decide where their alligance will be. In the end it all rides on if we have a circumsized heart or not.