BARBARA BACH NOT INCLUDED

Before we begin it’s worth pointing out that this product will set you back several hundred million, minimum. Still reading? Good. Now that we’ve got rid of all the rubbernecking paupers we can elaborate because Project Utopiadeserves your full attention, unencumbered by thoughts of ogling millionaires; this baby is strictly for billionaires and beyond.

You see in order to showcase their astounding capabilities, our good friends at Yacht Island Design and BMT Nigel Gee have set about developing several concept proposals, the most bonkers of which is the breathtakingly awesome Project Utopia. No, this isn’t a joke.

Measuring 100m in length and breadth, and spanning over 11 luxed-out decks, there is enough room on Project Utopia to create an entire micro-nation. It’s ideal for ocean-going megalomaniacs bent on world domination. And you needn’t worry about puking on your Nehru jacket because this floating behemoth is designed for minimum motion, even in the most extreme sea conditions.

Each ‘leg’ supports a fully azimuthing (no idea, even after Googling) thruster, so Project Utopia can move between various locations at slow speeds. ‘You must’ve been seeing things Billy. Now eat your ice cream and shut up!’

A large central structure bisects the water’s surface, acting as a conduit for the mooring system, which houses a wet dock for access by smaller supply boats/British agents looking for trouble. There are also several helicopter pads so you can make your escape if your crew turns mutinous. ‘Oh really, 007!’

We could go on. So we will. A retractable canopy covers the uppermost deck and on the “13th Floor” there is an observatory with 360-degree views, at which point guests will be 65m above the water’s surface. ‘You know this organisation does not tolerate failure…’