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Sicilian Mobster Wins Literary Prize: A jailed Sicilian mobster named Giu­seppe Gras­son­el­li, serving a life sentence for at least a dozen murders, has sparked controversy after he was awarded that country’s top literary price for his autobiography. His winning the prize is being described in literary circles as a long-shot – right between the eyes. Even if it sells very well, Giu­seppe says he doesn’t expect to make a killing on the book.

FDA Says Little Evidence to Support Use of Testosterone Drugs: The Food and Drug Administration says there is little evidence that testosterone-boosting drugs taken by millions of American men are beneficial. Ironically, a related study found that there is little evidence that anything the FDA does is beneficial.

Mormons Found to Be Still Baptizing Dead Jews: The Church of Latter-day Saints has once-again had to apologize for posthumously baptizing dead Jews, despite more than two decades of negotiations and agreements to prevent such baptisms. About the only thing I can conclude from this is that it appears as if some Mormons may have way too much time on their hands.

Heightened Earthquake Alert Issued for Southern California: Following a series of over 300 small temblors under the Salton Sea, officials are cautioning Southern California residents to be on heightened alert for the increased possibility of a major earthquake. Shortly afterward, the Trump/Pence campaign issued a memo pointing out how the Obama Administration has done very little in the way of preventing natural disasters from occurring around the world while Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson asked reporters “where’s California?”

Tucker Carlson Claims Male Hillary Backers Suffer From Low Testosterone: Fox News host Tucker Carlson asserted that “science” was on the side of a doctor and Fox News contributor who claims male Hillary Clinton supporters suffer from low testosterone. Yeah, because who better exemplifies masculinity and machismo than Tucker Carlson? Nothing quite like pudgy little men with gynecoid asses critiquing about other people’s testosterone levels. If you ask me, they’re all just mad because progressive men aren’t buying any of those testosterone supplements those televangelists and right wing talk show hosts are always hawking.

Father Leaves 2-Year-Old Alone in Truck Outside Stripper Bar: A 24-year-old man who left his small daughter in his pickup truck while he got drunk in a Van Nuys, California stripper bar has been arrested on suspicion of child endangerment. Child Welfare officials say it is their sincere hope that incidents like this will finally convince strip clubs to add child-care facilities to their establishments.

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