Sunday, July 29, 2012

Thank Goodness for Jesus Handles

I guess I should say I'm not dissing religion in my title. I don't know about anywhere else in the world but Jesus handles is a pretty common saying here in Australia and since we poke fun at just about anything I'm going with it. Also there is something a bit rude at the bottom of my post too. I figured if I was going to offend anyone with my religious reference I may as well go for a two-fer and upset people with mild porn while I was at it.

There are milestones that we commonly share throughout life. Learning to walk , starting kindergarten, getting your pen license in Year 3. Starting high school, and having your first kiss. One of the major rites of passage in young adult life is getting your drivers licence. It means you can give public transport the bird. And it means your parents have another thing to worry about and that their petrol bill is going to increase by at least 100%.

On Thursday Miss P got her learners permit. She didn't get it first go (or even the second) but I was very proud that she persevered until she had achieved her goal. Sometimes it's easy to give up, but the things we want are really worth going for. No matter how long it takes.

On Saturday I went out and bought L Plates and a crash helmet because today I took her for her first driving lesson. I also banned her from watching any Formula 1 racing for the last week in case she tried to emulate Mark Webber.

She did a great job and I think doubling my dose of anti- anxiety medication prior to the lesson was a stroke of pure genius. And crushing some up and putting it in her morning coffee seemed to help her too.

With my whole "anything you really want is worth working for" speech ringing in my own ears I decided to brave making whoopie pies again this afternoon. And you know what ? I think I nailed it. Finally- whoopie pies that aren't the size of baseballs or that can be used as Chinese throwing stars.

The week that saw me absent from Blog land also saw me finish all the blocks for the selvage quilt.

And a second pair of yellow pants that you need to wear shades to look at directly lest you be blinded so Little P could play at being Fireman Sam.

One of the roadkill rescue ottomans got a makeover this weekend.

Stapler gun + cushion covers= gorgeousness

Finally, the reason most of you scrolled down to the bottom of this post as soon as I mentioned porn ...I was in Spotlight shopping yesterday and saw a totally new section. I waddled over there as fast as a middle aged woman can waddle but trust me it was a lot less exciting than the sign led me to believe.

Enjoy your week!

P.S. In case you're wondering about the title ...here's an explanation of Jesus handles.

After a couple of sessions with my sons when they were first learning to drive I decided it was best to turn that activity over to someone else. I don't think any medication in the world would have made that better for me. What's an L Plate?

In my neck of the woods they are called "Oh sh##!" handles. (In cars in which I am a passenger they are "grab it and haul your fat a$$ out of the car" handles.I attempted to teach my sons how to drive. I screamed, held on to the dashboard as if it were a life preserver on the Titanic and tried to shove my feet through the floor of the car attempting to "help" brake. Not pretty and only one time out. (Why my children still love me is beyond me most of the time!) You are a brave soul and I congratulate your ability to rise above the fear.

I guess we have all had to use those handles, I've heard granny handles, also, but I definitely know and understand the feeling! Glad she's learning to drive, you may need to invest in driver's Education, do you have that down there? Anyway, we gave Lydia the classes THREE TIMES, for various reasons, and truthfully, she is one of the best drivers I know.So, pass the whoopie pies around, love those fireman's pants (and he is so proud!), I think you may need to make a pair for the whole P. family... wouldn't that be a sight?:-}pokey

We call those "Oh Shit" handles around these parts. They are only in the Jeep, and and you hope when you let go that your not upside down in the middle of the woods in the middle of a mudhole in the middle of the night 20 miles from civilization with no trees around to use the winch to upright yourself. So far we have been lucky always to have at least one wheel on the ground so then everyone leans the other way till all 4 hit the ground again. I cant believe that someone actually hung that sign in the store missing the "O". LOL!

I had never heard of them as Jesus handles, but then, I'd never really heard of them as anything really. I did complain, quite loudly, to everyone when it turned out my car didn't have one, but I think I referred to them as "you know, that little fold out handle thingie that's on the inside at the side of the roof just above the door. You know, that thing.." but you're right, Jesus handles is much more succinct.

Too funny! Around here, it's the "oh shit bar." What on earth is a pen license? The ability to write cursive in ink? It took me a minute with the last photo...some proofreader I am. The ottoman is fab, and congrats for finishing the selvage blocks!

Yep I cannot spell, completely missed the sign error until I read everyone else's comments! Just love the Ottoman (are they named that after the former empire or the nice man that owns the Bernina shop in Walkerville?) and its new cover. A very nice trampoline for a small man in yellow pants...opps did I suggest that!

Your little guy & those yellow pants...adorable! I have 5 yr old GS who LOVES costumes - he even had one from the Wiggles a couple of years ago. Now it's Star Wars, Spiderman, and Thor. I love the ottoman re-do - you did a great job!! Oh, by the way, my youngest daughter is named Shay!!

Congratulations to Miss P on getting her L's. Glad there was no need for the crash helmet or neck brace, well done, Miss P.Love the ottoman, those cushion covers look fabulous, and you are an olympic medallist when it comes to staple guns!Now why doesn't my local Spotlight have anything as racy as Cokware.

You just have to love that whoever put the sign up in Spotlight didn't say anything .. everyone must be in stitches.

Glad I read about the Jesus handles, cuz I would have had no idea what they were. My kids all got their licenses at 16 and I did tons of riding with them. The best was when they learned stick shift ... I can't tell you how many lights I've sat through with them trying to get the car in gear.

you are braver than I! .....driving with the kids on their "L's" was really stressful....probably more so for them actually......I clung to the Jesus handles and pushed my foot on that imaginary brake the whole time .....and being the control freak that I am it was really hard to sit there and have none! Love your ottoman cover...nice work! Little P is getting so big!!! are you are encoraging the fireman thing so you can take him for a visit to a fire station and check out the grown up firey's....???

Got a tell you I have never heard of Jesus Handles before thanks for enlightening me. Love the spotlight porn, he he, just shows the calibre of shop assistants they employ. Your ottoman is wonderful. My first and last driving lesson with my dad lasted exactly 500m where I got out of the car and told him he could drive us home. When I got my license he decided it was correct procedure to sit in the passenger seat with his hand on the handbrake, he almost got put on the curb for that indiscretion.... you can see I get on well with him lol and the reasons I paid for driving lessons from a proper instructor. Mum was much easier to drive with and I practiced on her.

Well done Miss P...next step change those "L"s into the more appropriate "P"...after all she is Miss "P"!...one hour down, 119 to go! (do you have the 120 hour rule in SA?)...The road kill ottoman looks fabulous, awesome staple gun work there...

OK, I have to admit, I was a little worried when I read the porn advisory warning, but I think that typo is HILARIOUS and there's less porn in that than Dancing With the Stars or Glee. Phew.

We call them "oh crap" handles here, or, if you're OK with swears, then you can use the "s" word instead.

That Little P. He's so adorable. Can he have a sleepover at my house? I know my kids would love to have him over. Actually, you can send him for Grandma Week (part 2), which is coming up here in two weeks. Grasshopper will make it his personal mission to make sure Little P has a good time. I'm sure of it. Plus, with the his little Aussie accent, he'll have us all wrapped around his little finger.

LoVE the roadkill ottoman! You did a great job with it! Those are great fabrics and an awesome finish! Thank you for linking up!

I've always called them Jesus handles too. And yes I have had a couple of people get super offended when I did, but it was MY car and I was driving so they got over it since they didn't want to walk. :D

Hmm, I'm not laughing with this post and that's because I still have MANY children still to do the driving thing! Mrs 27 only got her P's last year. (She took lots of tries to get her L's, she has a test phobia) She took her drivers test whilst 40 weeks pregnant. Her instructor said they were going for the sympathy/freaked out by nearly delivering pregnant woman which would counteract her test phobia. He was right! And yeah, it's 120 hours of driving here in Victoria. No. 4 doesn't have her P's, but she left home three years ago so I'm hoping I'm safe there (stop laughing!!!) No. 6 has his L's but uncharacteristically for a boy has no interest in cars or driving. (They're killing machines Mum, what kind of person do you think I am?) No. 7 hits the L's age next year (I'm hoping she'll be too busy with yr 12!) and No. 8 is still just hoping to be taller than me! (Something he will achieve any minute now I think. His brothers did when they were 11, he doesn't want to be beaten by them!) I know, I know. This is the price I pay for having 8 kids. Hope the driving lessons go well!

Have been watching Olympics, so was spot on with your photo (porn) at the end....did you buy? that could be the sign attractions.Love the rescue ottoman...am going back to watch the Os now that the Aussie men won k4 and were interviewed on Canadian tv....not American who only mostly show old stuff and Americans mostly too.

Having survived eldest son's learner driver period (with somewhat more grey hairs than I started with I'm sure), my tip is to get yourself to the motor accessory shop (a foreign place to you as it was for me I'm sure) and get yourself a second, suction cap rear vision mirror to stick on your side of the windscreen. Who knew they even had these things? Best thing I ever bought as I knew exactly what he could see in his mirror and didn't have to keep turning around. Saved me much angst!

Disclaimer

I come from the Land Down Under where the two primary food groups are Vegemite and Tim Tams. If you haven’t tried Vegemite you really haven’t lived. I highly recommend you run out and get some and slather it on a piece of bread about an inch thick. I promise you'll love it. I frequently eat vegemite sandwiches or coco pops for tea because after a full day of hanging out with the pre- school crowd in my day job, I usually can’t recall my own name much less cook dinner. It’s OK there are no actual kids living in my house so I’m only neglecting grownups.
Not doing housework, windows or my own grocery shopping frees up my spare time so I can quilt, sew , blog, attempt to bake and lay on my lounge playing games on my Ipad. I only iron when I need to press quilt seams. I only wash when we’re in imminent danger of running out of clean undies. In fact once my husband had to draw me a map so I could find the laundry.
My blog is a random place where I document my (mis)adventures, occasionally chuck in a swear word or two and vent my spleen about all manner of things. This is a place only for the very brave or slightly insane. Welcome.