Aussie soap Neighbours set to tackle bush fires issue

Popular antipodean soap Neighbours is to tackle complex social issues such as your house burning down in an unstoppable inferno with the loss of all of your belongings, according to reports. Later this month, producers hope to feature the world’s first pre-watershed mass cremation after the show faced a barrage of criticism for its lightweight non-flammable content.

The story kicks off when “Paul”, played by Stefan Dennis, carelessly discards a cigarette while driving his Audi through the scorching outback. The plot then gathers momentum when a swimming pool-based game of volleyball is interrupted by dense acrid smoke, which the residents of Ramsay Street mistake for a nearby barbie.

As the fires encroach, the hapless locals make a number of ill-fated attempts to douse the flames with piss-weak Fosters lager. Executive Producer Greg Hogan said ‘This is the first serious attempt by an Australian soap to tackle the burning issues of the day.’

The feature-length sizzler culminates with several cast members selfishly trampling over blackened corpses in a futile effort to exit a burning building. “We’re sending out a message that good neighbours should be there for one another while reminding people of the dangers of climate change,” said Hogan . “We reckon this is the most radical departure for down-under entertainment since Home & Away tackled Kangaroo AIDS. “

Fans of the soap will be delighted by the return of Jason Donavan, who plays a fire fighter confronting personal issues such as being afraid of fire and hose envy. Hogan added, ‘The scene in which Scott finds Harold Bishop foraging through the charred remains of his coffee shop is set to be the biggest tearjerker since Kylie & Jason got married.’

Meanwhile, the Australian Fire Service has conceded that the current bush fires – the worst on record – are their best hope of regaining the ashes.