As Economy Sinks, Sex Toy Sales Go Through the Roof

While America struggles to get out of its current economic shit-pit, its desperate citizens are resorting to interesting methods of relieving their financial stress. Namely they're buying lots of sex toys and getting off like crazy.

Indeed, this is a real thing! It's on CNBC and everything:

"At a time when unemployment is high and bank account balances are low, people are passing the time by getting busy," Stefan Dallakian, the owner of Paris Intimates – an online sex toy distributor-told me. It's estimated that the sex-toy business is a $15 billion industry. As the U.S. economy has worsened, Dallakian said that he has seen sales for sex toys skyrocket.

[...]

A steady 9 percent unemployment rate and growth in self-employment also means that Americans are spending more time at home. And, as the idea of a "Staycation" has only received more buzz lately, people continue to opt to stay home in order to save money on gas and lodging. Dallakian says those economic realities only contribute to business by upping the desire for sexual expirimentation and being more in touch with our bodies and our partners. "Couples that log more hours together have stronger communication, and that is evident in the bedroom," he said.

See? If it's on CNBC, it has to be real!

But my what a sad picture that paints, huh? I mean, it paints a fun, free-wheelin' picture too, but mostly I'm just envisioning two sad unemployed people, unenthusiastically holding enormous dildos, looking bored and depressed, the only noise in the room the slow creaking of the sex swing, both of them wishing they were just at a damn office right now doing an Excel thing or something. Bleak. That said, happy fucksawing everyone! [CNBC; image via Shutterstock]