Life filled with problems

Life filled with problems

QUESTION:

XAVI, 20-year-old man

My life is a horror. I have so many problems around me. I cannot talk to women because I get embarrassed, there are problems with the economy, issues with my family, etc. In short, I want to kill myself but I am afraid that I do not have the strength for it. What do I do?

ANSWER:

Bob Rich, Ph.D.

When I was your age, I felt very much like you have described. A frequent question I asked myself was, "What the hell am I doing on this planet?" I felt that I had no friends, that nobody cared if I lived or died, and like you, I was terribly shy and couldn't talk to girls. I was convinced that I would never have a girlfriend, never have a wife and children. Wherever I went, some people would bully me and make fun of me, confirming my view of myself as stupid, ugly, hopeless and unlovable.

My healing started when I was 21. I didn't go for therapy, because I didn't realize that anyone could possibly help me. All the same, I changed my life in two years. By 23 years of age, no one bullied me anymore, and people started to respect and like me. I was engaged to be married, and did so a few months after my 23rd birthday. That marriage is still going, I have 3 wonderful adult children, have had an interesting life, and I am considered among the top in my field, which is to reduce suffering.

If I could do it, you can too.

You implied that you had terrible experiences when you were younger. My guess is that this has had two effects:

1. You developed a view of the world and of yourself in that world that leads to depression.

2. You may have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

A good psychologist can teach you how to overcome both these effects. If you lived in my area, we could do it in a surprisingly short time. Find a local psychologist, and change your life. For now, be aware that every situation has good things and bad things. When we are depressed, we put on a negative filter. Everything is interpreted as bad. Anything good isn't even noticed, is explained away, or soon forgotten.

Think of it this way. When you were little, the monster called "Never Good Enough" moved into your mind. This monster feeds on sadness and despair. Its aim is to kill you in maximum misery. All the thoughts that drive you toward suicide are put there by this monster. They are not true, but rather a twisting of the truth. You need to distinguish them from your own thoughts, and ignore them. You do not need to argue with those thoughts. They are just noise, until you believe them. From the little you have written I cannot tell what those thought are, but that doesn't matter. If it is a thought that you are bad in some way, then it is just noise. It is put there by the monster, and is not your thought.

This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.For more information visit: http://anxietyanddepression-help.com