The Honourable Rev John Flaps see's a lady church member getting drunk in a pub, he tries to take her home but they fall and he ends up on top of her in the bar, landlords shouts, oi you can't do that in here!" Rev replies, "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flaps". Landlord says, "Oh well if you're that far in you may as well finish the job".========================================================================

Q. would you rather have parkinsons or alzheimers ?A. parkinsons,i'd rather spill half me pint than forget where it was.===========================================================================

Q Why do women like a circumcised Penis?

A They can`t resist anything with 10% off.

========================================================After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.

Following the operation she awoke from her anesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them."

"Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".

"Ahhh, that's really nice" said Lucy.

"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".

"Brilliant!" said Lucy. "And the third?".

"That's from Eric in the burns unit", said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub... She gestured alluringly to the bartender whoapproached her immediately.

She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers, and as he did, she gentlycaressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard andinto his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing himto suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, soap, or paper towels in the ladies toilet."

Last edited by MarioMangler on September 14th, 2009, 9:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BFS FAQ:1. No, that's not bulbar2. No, the location doesn't matter3. Yes, we have all had that symptom4. No, you're not the exception5. No, that's not ominous6. No, you don't need an EMG7. Yes, you will be fine