Category Archives: A Day in the Life

Holy smokaroni! It’s been a mad second since I posted a lil sumthin sumthin … huh? Well … lemme provide y’all some handy dandy updates:

1. My mom is doing ok. If you saw a previous post, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Fortunately, that lil sucker was caught early. Mom’s had surgery to remove the lump and again, we’re fortunate there wasn’t any cancer found in her lymph nodes. She will undergo radiation treatments though.

2. The dating world … well … it’s official: I have a boyfriend. Yes, we must check outside to see pigs flying and if hell froze over! So, when I get a chance to write … I will. Instead of providing y’all the viewpoint of the life of a serial female dater, you will listen to the quirky things that transpire as a female in a relationship that progresses upward each day. Yes, barf.

My my my

Quite a lot has happened since the last time I kicked down a blog post. For starters, On to the Next … Hello (I probably should think of a pet name for him, huh?) broke my 30-day curse. Congratulations to me.

Ummmm what else?

I met his family. Let’s just say that in the last week, I’ve drank a lot to calm my nerves. I haven’t done anything like this since 1993. First, I met his father and his stepmother. They invited us out to eat dinner. That went good. According to On to the Next …. Hello, his father and stepmother really like me.

Then I met his mom and stepfather. That was nerve wrecking because as a mother, I know what type of woman I want for my own son’s. Does she like me? He claims she does, but I really don’t know. I didn’t talk to her much. I met her at a family function, so I was feeling rather awkward for I was in unfamiliar territory: meeting the entire hacienda.

I’m not used to this

It’s been about 4 years since I’ve been in a relationship, and I’m still getting used to seeing someone who wants to see me every day. So yes, this is unchartered territory for me, and I’m trying to adjust to this relationship thing on the daily. This is the first time a dude has been after me, but in a proper, court-like, gentleman-like way. He’s a good dude, and I’m looking forward to how this story unfolds.

Ok so I couldn’t hold it in.

Well … what had happened was …

Yesterday, he did a check-in into his usual spot: the gym. I waited like a freakin stalker for her to “like” it. Sssssshh. lol. Actually, I just checked his page every 5 hours. That doesn’t count as being a stalker, right? Well, the lil heffa liked his check-in. What is so damn special about a check-in at the gym? Nothing! And that’s the ONLY place he checks into. Every day. Seriously. EVERY. DAMN. DAY. **suppressing a yawn**

Ok. So she liked his check-in. She has liked every single gym check-in. It was a mild rolling of the eyes moment untiiiiiiiiil I checked his pictures.

How did I miss this step the other day?!

When you’re in someone’s album, if you scroll/hover over a picture, it will tell you how many people liked and commented on whatever picture you’re hovering over.

Well guess what I did? Yep! You guessed it. I had a semi-stalking moment where I hovered over every profile pic to see if there was a like. The damn heffa liked E.V.E.R.Y. main profile pic. What?! Who does that?!

I’m not feeling that. You can dot com that.

So yep, I had to say something. I didn’t say it in a rolling of my neck and eyes type of way like,”Oh no she di’nt.” Yes, I spelled di’n’t that way purposely. I said it NICELY. Shall I explain? Ok, I shall.

I sent him a text:

Me: I was lookin at your FB pics & you got like a female who has stalker tendencies lmao!

So I’m thinking by adding “LMAO,” it makes me sound playful. I don’t want him to think I’m crazy, ya know? What I really wanted to text was: Who is this damn fuckin bitch that liked all your profile pics?

Him: Really? Who?

Me: **I state her name**

What I really wanted to say was: Some heffa named _________ .

Him: Oh ok. She found me on FB not that long ago. We grew up together back when I was like 10 years old.

Me: That’s cool. If you two have something … I don’t want to get in the way of anything 🙂

I really wanted to say: IDGAF! Why the hell is she liking all your shit, huh?

Him: Oh no. No never had. Never will. It was never like that. Just neighbors.

Me: No worries. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t like “the other chick” or something.

What I really wanted to say: This is me warning you that I’m onto her and am aware that she’s obsessively on your FB nutsack. I hope you’re telling the truth cuz if I find out you’re lying, I’m going to punch you in your throat. Well, not really … but I’ll imagine it.

LOL. RAWR!

Oh gawd! He’d really think I was crazy if I had said what I really wanted to say. I gotta suppress that side of me … like all the time. Yes, I can be a bit neurotic, but it’s all part of my magic … aka pizzazz. 🙂

So yes, I said something. It bugged me enough that I felt compelled to speak up. Do I feel better? Hell yeah! I don’t see her as a threat, just an irritant. It’s one of those things where I had to let him know that I’m not feelin her and that I’m aware that she’s on his jock. I’m sure females reading this … comprehend where I’m coming from. Hollaaaaa!

And guess what? Today he didn’t do his daily FB check-in into the gym when he went.

He’s not my man … but this song came to my mind. I crack myself up. Even if I’m the only one laughing!

He’s also patient. He just wants my time, and he’s a nice guy. I like how he’ll ask for my time, but he doesn’t do it in a bugaboo type of way.

“Girl, you need a nice guy,” my co-worker told me.

Yeah. She’s right.

Baby-Baby-Baby-Baby
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down
(Baby)
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down
(ooh, ooh)

I’m young but I can’t add the tracks of my tears from crying
Broken hearts develop a fear – of flying
I pray somebody take me higher, I’ve already fell for a liar
Can’t make the same mistake twice
Then on a lonely night
Just when I said (I said) – that I (that I) – was thru (was thru) with love, there he was
(Yeah)
Telling me he saw my s-o-s
That’s when I said – that I – was saving myself for true love, from above
(Yeah)
And before I let you hurt me like the rest

Don’t show me how you kiss, or where the angels live
You know it’s a long way down from there
Just to call it quits, cuz that ain’t what love is
You know it’s a long way down from there
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down
(Falling from Heaven)
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down
(Falling from Heaven)

Already had me a cheater and mistreater
Already been with a flosser and smooth talker
I’ve had a betrayer something like a player, but that ain’t what I want no more
(What you looking for?)
Come get my loving don’t date me for your reputation
If you ain’t made a decision not to keep it pimping (no)
Keep it moving; don’t even waste your time
Cuz I don’t want you wasting mine
When I said (I said) – that I (that I) – was thru (was thru) with love, there he was,
(Yeah)
Telling me he saw my s-o-s
That’s when I said – that I – was saving myself for true love, from above
(Yeah)
But before I let you hurt me like the rest, boy

Don’t show me how you kiss, or where the angels live
You know it’s a long way down from there
Just to call it quits, cuz that ain’t what love is
You know it’s a long way down from there
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down
(Falling from Heaven)
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down
(Falling from Heaven)

I know, some – times you don’t know, the one be-fore you be the right one
But I know – you’re the right one for me, and if you know – I’m the right one for you
Baby slow jam, throw your hands up and lets dance don’t wait any longer
(Don’t Wait, Don’t Wait)
But if it ain’t real

Don’t show me how you kiss, or where the angels live
You know it’s a long way down from there
Just to call it quits, cuz that ain’t what love is
You know it’s a long way down from there
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down
(Falling from Heaven)
Baby it’s a Long-Long-Long-Long-Long-Long Way Down

(I don’t wanna hurt no more)

You know it’s a Long Way Down from there
You know it’s a Long Way Down from there
(Long Way Down)
(Long Way Down)

The hardest thing …

The hardest thing is feeling like you’re meant for someone, but that person doesn’t feel the same. And knowing there’s no other choice, but to walk away from what could possibly be the greatest love of your life.

Or maybe …

Or maybe you were meant to walk away because the greatest love of your life is about to present himself, and he was just the prologue …

And he altered my story …

Which he? Exactly.

they say when you find the one there’ll be no second guessing
you’d feel it deep in your heart you’ll know that it was destined
the feelin inside will let you know
something that you cant deny just let it grow
they say its better to love than never love at all
to appreciate all the good sometimes you gotta fall
but i was foolish
i shouldn’t let you go
but now i miss you
i gotta let you know

i need you back back in my life
i need your kiss kiss in my life
and its been so long since you been gone
baby wont you come back home
you only get one (one) one (one) love (love)
one in a lifetime
you only get one (one) one (one) love (love)
one in a lifetime
and i cant believe that i almost missed the signs
right in front of my eyes
and now i know the love is real its hard to say why
one one love
one in a lifetime
and that one is you

they say that pleasure comes with pain
and im so used to being whole its hard to be half again
and you gotta feel the same way
my tears are steady falling like a pouring rain
tell me will the forecast change (one)

if you love somebody gotta let em know
tomorrow’s never promised you gotta let it show
if you love somebody you gotta let em know
tomorrow’s never promised you gotta let it show

i need you back back in my life
i need your kiss kiss in my life
and its been so long since you been gone
baby wont you come back home
you only get one (one) one (one) love (love)
one in a lifetime
you only get one (one) one (one) love (love)
one in a lifetime
and i cant believe that i almost missed the signs
right in front of my eyes
and now i know the love is real its hard to say why
one one love
one in a lifetime
and that one is you (that one)
and that one is you (that one)
and that one is you (that one)
and that one is you (that one)
is you

I will climb the highest mountain
swim the deepest oceans for you you you (cause you are the one)
I will walk across the desert just to get that message to you you you (cause you are the one)
There aint a thing in this world that I wouldn’t do
Right hand to the man
Boy I’m tellin the truth
So all my ladies if you feel me
then put your hands up for that one
for that one

you only get one (one) one (one) love (love)
one in a lifetime
you only get one (one) one (one) love (love)
one in a lifetime
and i cant believe that i almost missed the signs
right in front of my eyes
and now i know the love is real its hard to say why
one one love
one in a lifetime

A friend from high school contacted me. We went out twice: once for dinner and another time for drinks. We had a chance to catch up with each other, which was cool. Last week, he saw a Facebook post, he noticed I wasn’t feeling well, he texted me asking me where I worked, and I told him. Next thing I know, he brings me soup to my work. No biggie. This was all last week.

Yesterday, he asked if he could take me out on a date.

Uh oh.

The good thing is: he’s not someone I don’t know, so I know him pretty well to know what type of dude he is. I don’t even know what to think. I can say I like him as a friend … and I’m NOT entertaining the thought of more than at this point. That doesn’t mean I won’t go on a date with him.

It’ll be interesting to see how this story will pan out. If it even does. If he plays his cards right, he’ll be treated extremely well. If not, then that’s how it goes. At this point, he means nothing to me (besides our prior friendship). And that’s how it goes. Let’s wish him good luck. lol.

There’s this guy who’s been complimenting me almost every day since June of 2012 via text. In fact, he has said everything in this track by Bruno Mars, which is why I included the song. However, this is why I don’t believe him:

The issue: Facebook

Striiiiiiiiiiiiiiike 1: The exact compliments he bestows on me, every time he compliments some chick, it’s practically the same compliment. It’s a copy and paste compliment. How do I know this? It shows up in my news feed and I can see that comment. Naturally, I’m curious. Then that curiosity usually turns into a “WTF moment.”

For example, I see that he commented: alluring. So what do I do? What every female does. Duh! I check out her picture. That chick isn’t even on the same level as me, so how can she be alluring? NOT! **insert WTF moment**

My thoughts? You better up my compliment to “drop-dead goddess divine” fool! How dare you to provide the same descriptive adjective to females who are in different leagues. It’s like comparing a mustang to a minivan. Would you say they’re both hot ass vehicles? SMH. Don’t get me wrong — there’s nothing wrong with giving chicks the same compliments, but fellas … you must also comprehend: we just know when it’s a chick you’re trying to holla at. We catch those itsy-bitsy teensy weensy differences. Never underestimate our 6th sense!

Strike deuce: He “likes” a lot of my stuff (statuses, pictures, songs, etc … you get the picture) but that same attention he provides me, he also provides to almost every chick. I see that “like” in my news feeds once again. And I’m not feelin that. Hey, I’m keepin it real. I sorta like you, buddy, but those feelings are quickly changing. Now it’s one thing to “like” a few things here and there, but I see your ass liking the SAME chick’s statuses EVERYDAY which means: you’re giving her the same attention you provide me. Not feelin that dot com.

My thoughts? It sends me the message that I’m not any different from her, her, her, and her. By the way, they’re not even cute. The reality for me is: you give every chick attention up on here. Don’t you have better things to do?

Striiiiiiiiike trifecta: You say you want to spend time with me, yet you claim you’re too busy with work and blah blah blah … but I see you checking into places. Are you freakin stupid? I see this shit. **rolling my eyes x100**

My thoughts? With the combination of strike 1 and strike 2: you’re the playa playa type. Your points are in the negative son.

Afterthoughts directed towards him

Here are my thoughts and why I don’t believe shit that comes out of your mouth:

You have a FB pattern and I’ve deduced you to nothing. It’s that simple. So hold off on those sweet, cutsie, compliments that you text me cuz I’m sure it was mass produced. **in my In Living Color Homey D Clown voice** I don’t think so! Homey don’t play that! NEXT!

Other thoughts

And the kicker is: I’m not stalking him on FB. The shiz he does show up in my news feeds. So, it’s been quite amusing for me to see him set up his own demise. I didn’t have to do anything and that’s the beauty of it.

Why don’t I delete him? He’s actually a cool person. This is all the background stuff that I’ve observed which caused him to go from a possible candidate to zilch. So I can be cool with dude, but I would never consider him a candidate. Application denied.

Had he not made me feel like “just another girl” … I might’ve believed him and might’ve considered him a part of my team, but Team B says, “I don’t think so! Homey don’t play that!!”

Fellas … listen up.

You ever come across a female who’s just in a bad mood? I already know you answered yes. Hopefully you weren’t also thinking, “Yes, aaalll the time.” C’mon now, it can’t be that bad. **me chuckling** Well, I understand that we’re complicated beings, but sometimes we’re just in a bad mood. That’s it. You don’t get it? Of course not. So let me assist you, okay?

Time of the month perhaps? That’s a negative, ghostrider. Not even close to any of that mess. That’s what you were thinking, right? Of course you were. It’s because you men want to try and solve the problem. Well guess what, Kimosabe? There is none. Whaaaa? There is no problemo, senor. Stop looking so damn confused!

The Questions Fellas Ask

I find that when I state I’m in a bad mood, it generates questions from the male species usually via text and it goes a lil something like this:

What’s wrong? Nothing.

Did anything happen? Nope.

Who pissed you off? Nobody.

Well, something had to have happened and you’re not telling me, right? **ignore**

#1) I already stated I was in a bad mood.
#2) You have to understand the code to leave me alone. Did you not notice my one-word replies? If you receive a one-word reply, it’s because I’m not in a social let’s-talkity-talk type of mood. I’m trying to be cordial and somewhat nice, but once I ignore you … you should infer: LEAVE ME THE EFF WORD ALONE.

I usually try not to engage in any conversing if possible, but sometimes when I ignore texts, I receive:

Hello? Where are you? Why are you not answering my texts?

Oh my geezus! That is so annoying x100. Then depending on the toxicity level of my bad mood, I might snap on you. Fellas, your goal is to avoid all that. Entrust, if it’s you that is bugging us, we’ll tell you. But if it’s not, let us be. Please reread #2 (stated above).

My girls, they understand so they know to let me be. See? Simple. A sisterhood of comprehending without any interrogations. Voila.

Bad Mood Explained

Fellas, sometimes we’re just in a bad mood. That’s it. If we say we’re in a bad mood, we’re in a bad mood. If the problem was you, we wouldn’t even state we’re in a bad mood. We’d tell you off the bat, “Look muthaf*cka …” and proceed down the laundry list of things you did. But if we don’t, leave it at that.

It’s nothing personal, so don’t take it personal. When we say we’re in a bad mood, that’s us providing you a warning and that should be sufficient enough.

Bottom line:

Leave me alone. I’ll get back at you when my mood is better. What you choose to do or say AFTER we provide you that fair warning is on you. Good luck and Godspeed. **chuckling**

My bad mood anthem for the fellas:

Lyrics:

Step back
Gonna come at you fast
I’m drivin’ out of control, I’m gettin’ ready to crash
Won’t stop shakin’ up what I can
I serve it up in a shot, so suck it down like a man

So baby, yes, I know what I am
And no I don’t give a damn and you’ll be lovin’ it

Some days I’m a super bitch
Up to my old tricks but it won’t last forever
Next day I’m your super girl
Out to save the world and it keeps gettin’ better

Kiss kiss, gonna tell you right now
I make it sweet on the lips, I simply knock you out
Shut up, I don’t care what you say
‘Cause when we’re both in the ring, you’re gonna like it my way

Yeah baby, there’s a villain in me
So sexy, sour and sweet and you’ll be lovin’ it

Some days I’m a super bitch
Up to my old tricks but it won’t last forever
Next day I’m your super girl
Out to save the world and it keeps gettin’ better

Hold on
It keeps gettin’ better
Hold on
It keeps gettin’ better

In the blink of an eye, in the speed of the night
I hold the universe up, I’ll make your planets collide
I’ma strap on my boots and I slip on my suit
You see the vixen in me becomes an angel for you

Some days I’m a super bitch
Up to my old tricks but it won’t last forever
Next day I’m your super girl
Out to save the world and it keeps gettin’ better

Some days I’m a super bitch
Up to my old tricks but it won’t last forever
Next day I’m your super girl
Out to save the world and it keeps gettin’ better

Ok, so there’s this pretentious fool that annoys me that I’ve been ignoring for forever. I’ve known him for a long time (since 1988). Once upon a time, we were hella cool, but he started to display this douche-like behavior as if I should be with him. WTH?! Uh no! And after numerous times of shooting him down, he’s been placed in my “Section: Ignore” area.

A few times, my dozy ass would be cool assuming he had gotten the hint that I wanted nothing to do with him. Well, I told him straight up I’m not interested. Any normal dude would give up, right? Well, not Mr. Annoying! So when he reached out, the 1-2 times I was cordial, he must’ve thought it was an invitation to act uber douche-like. UGH! So, again, he had been placed into Section: Ignore.

I have a friend that I’ve known since 1980. She and I participate in runs together. Well, Mr. Annoying is Facebook friends with her. I totally forgot that and posted on her wall that she needs to register for a specific run a few days ago. I specifically stated,”Registered!”

Well, today, she posted on FB that she registered. Guess what? Mr. Annoying comments, “That looks cool. Think I’ll have to participate.” Are you fuckin kidding me? Hell no. I don’t want you to register for this shit. Damnit. We didn’t even invite you. So you THINK you should participate? I THINK you shouldn’t. So “no” you CANNOT participate fool!! Geezus Christ!!

UGH x1oo! Hell no!

The last run we participated in, the mo fo straight registered without my knowledge. It’s a free country, he can do that … wutevs. But then had nerve to tell me he registered and was like, “I’m gonna run with you.” Wha? Really? You’re kidding me, right? To make a long story short, I told him to find someone else to roll with.

On the day of our run, after we checked in, Mr. Annoying finds me literally one minute after I tell my girl, “I hope he doesn’t find us.” Thanks God. I see how it is.

So right now, it’s like,”Operation: Damage Control.” It is sorta comedic, but dammmmn. This is my chuckle for the day.

The moral of the story: Fellas … please listen. The lesson for me: There is none. I just know I have quite an interesting story splashed in with a lot of comedy.

The Synopsis

This chickadee had already experienced the penal institution of marriage for almost fifteen years, and I’m also never quite alone due to my responsibilities as the matriarch of my tribe. You can say that I attained the full monty matrimonial experience, which included the all-inclusive emancipation package. In other words, I did my time.

However ….

In the event I’m cursed and if certain things are just not meant for me …

And in the event I’m not meant to touch the heart of a good dude and make a difference in his life …

Then I think my path is going to lead me down a road to make a difference in a different way.

Today I had lunch with my boy, Avery. Besides the fact that he gave me this look when I thought his age was 46, he gave me an evil eye and told me he’s 44 years old.

“I knew you were up there, somewhere.” He looked at me like no she didn’t. “Yeah, you are an old fart.” Evil eye.

And then he tells me, “Guess what? I’m moving to D.C. in April.”

I had a chicken wing in my mouth. I stopped chewing. Wait. What?

For the last two years, he’s been talking about it, and he’s finally making that move. I envy him, for I’ve been restless living here in Cali for the longest time. Anyone close to me, can testify to that. Avery has a girlfriend out there too, which provides him more of a motivation to bounce out.

“You need to get outta here, B. I did my time here and I’m ready to close this chapter. Get outta ____.”

In the last year, quite a few of my friends have been leaving the city where I reside. My best friend is one of them. And another good friend just told me that she just applied for a job that would take her overseas. It’s the same type of job that I’ve had on my radar, and I’m hoping she gets in first so that I know what to expect when I apply.

After lunch, Avery sent me this text to reconfirm the questions I’ve been seeking.

So much has changed for me. Ten years ago, I would not have fathomed my life to be what it is today. I always thought I would be in a house, a few cars, settled down, with a husband, and kids sans the white picket fence. And I had all that.

Now my kids are ready to go to college. Their dad is remarried and doing his own thing. And here I am.

I have nothing to tie me down. I’ve had a lot of questions running through my mind lately without any answers. If someone enters my life to give me a reason to stay, I’ll stay because lightning never strikes the same place twice. However, if I don’t get hit, Avery helped deliver the answers I was waiting for.

How’s life?
Great
Everybody’s going through something
They gotta get over it
You can’t go aroundLet’s just enjoy the time

A candid look into my mind … ooh I’m having one of those Yoda moments!

We are shaped by our thoughts; a product of our very own thinking. And within that, we have the power to paint beauty or ugliness. Create a blessing or a drawback. Generate heaven or hell. It’s your call.

To all my girls who are stuck on an ex:

You know who you are. Let him go. Let him be. For every time you continue to conversate with him, I see that you either end up pissed off or sad. You know I’m going to tell you to ignore him. Why are you giving him the power to control you? Why are you allowing his opinions to navigate you like that? If he texts you, don’t read it. If he calls, don’t answer. If you happen to read a text, don’t let what he says touch you. It’s just words. And say nothing. Don’t respond. Don’t engage in nada especially if he’s picking a fight with you. Who cares about what he says? Never argue with a fool; people might not know the difference.

To my girls who are getting out of a long-term relationship:

Why are you trying to jump into another relationship hella fast? You’re not even healed or over your last relationship. Why have the next man pay for your exes mistakes, especially when you hold in so much anger? That’s not fair for you or for him. I know you’re hurting, but “to get over a man, you must get under a new one” doesn’t apply for this situation. For every moment you think about seeking some type of revenge, you’re wasting your time and energy. Plus, you look borderline crazy. I can’t have you going out like that.

I never sought questions after the breakdown of my marriage. Why? Because it doesn’t matter anymore. The questions will only upset you and the answers are not important anymore. Just understand that his purpose in your life is done. Be thankful because something bigger and better is in store for you.

If you really wanna seek revenge … heal yourself first and seek to be truly happy.

Here we go … aaaww suki suki the meat and potatoes of it all … to any future potentials:

For the good dudes: I’m not your damn ex. Whatever you went through with her, that’s your story with that trick her. What we build, will be our story. We hold the pen to write what we want. Don’t let me stab you with this pen. This could be heaven or this could be hell. And please take the time to get to know me for me. I’m not perfect and I won’t pretend to be. In the end, I want someone to accept me, flaws and all. Just as my girls have (as well as my male friends).

I might challenge you like a mo fo, I might say things without truly thinking like all the time, but I mean well. And never assume things based on what so-and-so (your ex) did to you. I’m not that trick her, and I don’t wanna pay for her mistakes.

I can only be me. And please don’t allow negative thoughts to feed into your mind about us or me. Your thoughts can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The power of your thoughts have the power to steer us in any direction of your choosing so don’t steer us over a mutha fuckin cliff. Think less, live more.

I hope you can see the good in me, and when you find it, let me know cuz I’ve been looking for it too. kidding. and I want you to fully comprehend me cuz Lord knows I barely understand myself half the time. Trust that I’ll rep you to the fullest and will never embarrass you purposely or speak ill of you. If you’re my man, I’ll treat you like a man. I seek to climb higher in life. And they say behind every good man is a woman like a soldier holdin’ him down in my case, it might be in a choke hold. kidding.

I’m not worried about tomorrow. I’m not worried about the “what if’s” and all that. This chica takes it day by day. I don’t like to stress and I won’t.

I’m here to enjoy life. You either wanna ride with me or you don’t.

For the ratchet dudes: Don’t even fuckin try. I don’t and I won’t entertain your kind.

Whenever I get to know a dude from scratch, I straight up tell him that I have a lot of male friends. My hope is that he won’t see them as a threat, but in due time, they end up trippin’ over my male friends anyways.

“You mean, they don’t try to get at you?”

“No. Never.”

Why is that so hard to believe? Yes, I already heard that it’s not possible and all that other crap, but I’m here to tell you, they have never crossed the line. I’m talking about male friends who are like brothers to me. It’s the sister from another mister and brother from anutha mother typa comrade.Some of these dudes, I’ve known since I was 5-years old (early 80’s)! A more-than-friends type of deal would be like incest. Gross!

And I love my male friends like a sister loves her brother. Do they look out for me? Yes, but like an older brother type of way where they’re protective of me. If we go out, do they treat me? Yes, but it’s again in a brotherly way. They talk about the women they meet, the women they date, and they coach me on what type of man they don’t want me to be with. A few times, they’ve requested to meet the fella I’m dating so they can read him to make sure he’s good for me. So far, none have met their approval. **chuckling**

Let’s put it this way: I think I’d rather have my father meet someone I’m dating before he meets some of my male friends. **chuckling again**

My brothers are all good men. The ones that are married, still check up on me and the ones that are single, are like my personal secret service special agents. I swear … they kill me sometimes. And the fellas I date, if I really like them, will eventually meet and know them.

I still remember what one of my boys said: You’re like family, B. If you ever get in a serious relationship, we want to get to know him so he can be like family too.

I’m glad that they look out after me and want the best for me. It is hard when I like someone and they tell me,”Drop him,” for they tend to see something I don’t. And they’re always on the money.

In the end, they want me happy just as much as I want them happy too. They’re like the older brothers I never had.

I have a co-worker who’s about 7 years older than me named Leila. Her family is big time into the political scene in the city I reside in and well-respected. About a year ago, she invited me to attend some meetings held by our mayor. I went. Soon thereafter, she was introducing me to council members, met a cat on the Obama administration, a few lawyers, business owners, etc.

Leila recently had a New Year’s Eve party at her home, in which I didn’t attend.

“B … I wish you had went to my New Year’s Eve party. One of our friends is …..” and then it dawned on me. She’s been like a covert, bibbidy bobbidy boo, fairy Godmother of sorts trying to strategically place me in positions to meet single dudes. When I think back to the past year, she has invited me to quite a few events. Some I didn’t attend, and some I have. Now I wonder how many possibilities I turned down because I didn’t engage in a conversation passed the “Hi, this is so-and-so” intro. **chuckling to myself**

There’s another event this Friday, January 11th. I told her I don’t know if I want to go. She texts me yesterday stating that she and her husband put me down as attending, I’m sitting with them, bada bing bada boom.

“The keynote speaker is Lebron James. You’re going. You know how many men will be going to this?” **smiling** My fairy Godmother strikes again.

**For my cuzzo who’s going through it. xoxo**

Ok, so I wonder if I’m experiencing a female midlife crisis. Now I know when you think of the concept midlife crisis, you’re probably picturing some toupee wearing fool who traded in his minivan for a red sports car frolicking with some 20-something-year-old bimbo that looks like this:

Well, I did some research to find out if females can experience a midlife crisis for I’ve been feeling quite restless for a mad minute. The Google Gods provided me a few websites, and one of the websites I read was “The Rise of the Female Midlife Crisis.” Here is an excerpt from the website, which was written by Julia Llewellyn Smith:

Increasing numbers of women are wrangling with what Carl Jung called ‘the afternoon of life’ , an unspecified time of angst and self-doubt that can kick in at any time from 35 to 55, even if the signs are usually less conspicuous.

Oh crapola. I’m within the female crisis age range. Should I be alarmed? **nervous laugh** Smith also wrote:

What crisis sufferers of any age tend to share is a new awareness of life’s fragility. Myra Hunter, a psychologist, says: ‘There can be transition every decade – some women feel better in their forties. What brings them to a crisis is that they’ve undergone a significant event that’s triggered thoughts about where they have been and who they are.’

Oh damnit again. My divorce was finalized about a year ago. Not to mention, I have a son who’s about to enter college. Significant life event changes possibly? Affirmative ghostrider.

Then I read an article online from Time Magazine called, “Midlife Crisis? Bring it On!” which addressed and tried to answer what a female midlife crisis may look like. The author Nancy Gibbs stated the following:

They may first turn inward, ask the cosmic questions or retrieve some passion they put aside to make room for a career and family and adult responsibilities. Take a trip. Write a novel. Go back to school. Learn to kiteboard. But then, having done something to help themselves, they have a powerful urge to help others. Best of all is when they can do both at once.

**GASP** I relate to everything Gibbs stated! Holy schmolly.

Take a trip? Yes, I’ve been researching taking a trip to Bali. In Bali, I wanted to also volunteer my time to teach English to children in a school for four days (Bali Bound at HandsUpHolidays.com).

Write a novel? Go back to school? Learn to kiteboard? Yes, yes, and yes. Crap!!!! Ok, so what if maybe I aaaaaaam experiencing a freakin’ female midlife crisis of sorts. Change is good, right? **nervous laugh again**

Well, I think transitions constantly occur in our lives despite our age. So what if I feel like going back to school and quitting my job to do something else? So what if I have a bucket list of goals that I’m aiming to attain? And so what if I feel like chucking up the deuces to the U.S. and explore our world? Apparently, it’s a midlife crisis because this type of mentality is more prevalent with peeps my age. Ok, I understand that. And maybe it is a female midlife crisis I’m experiencing. I’m entitled to it, right?

It seems like life is starting to whiz on by, and I’m finding that peeps my age are starting to have either health issues and some have started to pass away. I’m not ready to experience either of those two. The last thing I want to do is not accomplish my newly accrued bucket list of personal goals and have life pass me by. Midlife crisis? Naaaaaaah … I prefer to call it an opportunity for growth.

I’m not sure if I like my title. I wonder if I should change it. Nah. Screw it for now. So what’s the purpose of this post? Oh yah. Let’s take a motorcade ride through the Mind of B. B stands for biyaaaaaatch. Ok. Focus.

What’s my purpose again? Oh yah … my cognitive thought processes. I have no idea what I should write about. C’mon now. I know my mind’s always churning like tick, tick, tick, tick. And then tick tock and you don’t stop! Ooooh I wanna sex you up! Did I just sing a Color Me Badd song inside my mind? Yah, I did. Ok, focus B. Write.

Write! Uh wait. I’m not writing. I’m typing. Or texting. Speaking of text, I need to text Diane to see how she’s doing on the East Coast with her new boo. Like boo yaaaaaah. And speaking of Diane, while I’m on my phone texting her, maybe I should finally listen to my voicemails. I’m tired of seeing that little icon that lets me know I have a voicemail. Hmmmm when did I last listen to my VM’s anyways? Oh wow. Three weeks ago. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 (pause) 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 (pause) 11, 12. Sesame Street.

Heeeey! I have five unread text messages? Oh dangit. One text is from my cell phone provider reminding me to pay my bill. *sniffle* Buh-bye moolah. Speaking of bills, I should go online to check how much I owe on my car so I can pay it off next year by April. April … that’s next to May, then June which means the *gasp* summer! Oh, I need to hit the gym to get ready for the su-su-summa tiiiiime! P-p-p-pump it up! But daaaaanng, 2013 is coming up. This year really flew by fast. Rapido. Which reminds me, I should probably kick down a mental sidenote of New Year rrrrrrrrresolutions (you gotta roll the “r”).

Resolutions. I like that song by Aaliyah. *singing in my head* We need a resolution. We have so much confusion. Ok, resolutions. What should it be? No more relationships, probably. Or how about, no more attempts to be in a relationship? Or how about I just turn my heart into steel and call it the icebox where my heart used to be? I like that song by Omarion too. *singing in my mind* I got this icebox where my heart used to be, I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold …. I should post that song on my Facebook after I wrap my heart up … with barb wire, theeeeen create a moat around my heart, and have droids hovering that’ll shoot down any dude that thinks he can get at this in 2013. And I’m going to add a fire-breathing dragon. Rawr.

Wait. Why don’t I just start my resolutions today? Fellas, you gon’ learn today. Did I just say that in my Kevin Hart voice? You gon learn to-daaaay. Why? Two 2012 dudes. Crap. Slight emo detection here. Think happy, joy joy thoughts. But I should’ve known what’s-his-name wouldn’t last because he started tryin’ to get at me after a 3-year relationship with that fatty chick. What the hell was I thinking? Oh wait. I wasn’t. And Big lived in another state. Damnit damnit damnit. 2012 was the year of taking chances. No more. C’mon heart, ya can’t give in like that. Neva. Eva. Next time I try to take a risk, just shoot me. BAM! No, don’t. Don’t shoot me. That would hurt. I hate hospitals. I want to live.

Speaking of live …. I think it’d be dope to live in another country. Where would I want to live though? I should check out the DoDea website again just to check out what type of job openings they have. Oh crap. I go back to my j-o-b next week. Wah. No. I don’t wanna go back. Din da da doe doe doe.

Wait. What time is it? What day is it? Oh wow. It’s 9:58am. It’s almost 10am. I should hit up the gym. It’s Thursday? Yeah, it’s Thursday. This week fleeeeeew. I’m like a bird, I only fly awaaaay, I don’t know where my soul is, I don’t know where my home is. Nuh nuh Nelly Furtado in the hizzhouse. Oh wait. ***** was asking if I was free today. I wonder what he wants. Please don’t have him try and holla at me cuz he gon’ learn to-daaaaay. Wait. Am I supposed to meet up with my girl, Marie, for happy hour? Oh, I can use a drink. Not right now right now, but later later. Like later masturbator. I should text her. Oh yah. I gotta text Diane still too. I wonder how things are going with her. I wonder if dude is on her nerves. Probably not, but speaking of nerves, this stupid dude I haven’t talked to for over two years keeps texting and emailing me. Onmynerves.com that.

Oh. My phone lit up. It’s just my phone telling me that my battery is full. Thanks for letting me know, phone. Oh wha? It’s 10:06? I gotta hit the gym before I decide to lounge around and do nada (to your din da da) all day. 10:06. Hmmmm … I wonder where Big is. His flight left at 8am this morning. He’s probably almost home. Barbwire it up, B. By the way, where’s my coffee?