2.22.2009

Menace Beach

Hello sports fans! So I got a new game on Friday, Menace Beach. This is a "Color Dreams" creation which means that it's a unlicensed game. I read on Digital Press that it was the only game to ever get censored by Game Players' magazine. Why? Is it unholy? Is it gory? No and no. It depicts light bondage in the form of a pixelized broad tied up against a wall by Demon Dan. This guy has a serious fetish and bad taste. The victim spends her time bitching, nagging and putting down her boyfriend, the hero, who is a skateboard riding midget. This game should be called, "Menace Bitch".This game consists of 12 levels which can be challenging. Throughout these levels you encounter ninjas, sumo wrestlers, killer clowns, stray dogs, Elvis impersonators, these hags that pop out of a box and give you the "kiss of death", throw a bomb and a bottle of ketchup, at least that is what I thought it was. At the end of every level, the girlfriend loses a bit of clothing, slowly revealing her hot 8-bit body. She's kinda stubby and too bossy for my taste.

When I got to level 8 or 9, I discovered a glitch in the game that helps you in completing the last few levels. I'm not sure if anyone has written about it till now, but let me share this tidbit with you.While I was trying to blow up a sumo wrestler, I fell off the pier into the water. Low and behold, it wasn't really my end. I found if I quickly hit the A button repeatedly you can travel under the screen to the end of each level. When you get nearer to the end of the level, you have to quit pressing the button and this will kill you but it will get you closer to the end. You don't have to worry about lives because continues are unlimited, you will start over pointwise though. I used my MAX controller for the turbo feature which made it a lot easier.I'm kinda excited about finding this little fuck up in the game...or maybe the game programmers put this in so you can get your peek faster....it's a mystery.

Fighting Demon Dan is not difficult, you'll have picked up some skills on your skateboard by the time you get to his ass. You'll have to do a series of Ollies on your skateboard in order to cause the rock-spikes to fall on Demon Dan. It takes 10 of these to kill him off! Which was a pain in the ass. Then you see a huge arrow pointing to the right, then you're at the soda shop...what?

Weird I know...at the beach then in hell then at a stupid soda shop with the queen of all bitches!Oh, did I tell you the chick ends up with nothing but an 80's black thong and bra? Yeah, big disappointment. I was hoping she'd be naked.