week in review + staying with the wobble

while I’m not a big believer that everything happens for a reason, I do believe the universe provides — if you take the time to look around and notice. to that end, this morning, while preparing to write my weekly review post, I was struggling a bit with what to include in the narrative. the past week was an interesting one: returning to work after a week out of the country; navigating the return to a solo household and singledom; being the source of many uncomfortable exchanges that began with “how was Italy.” but, I didn’t want to write about any of that. I just want to move past this part of my life.

and then, as I was going through my bloated email inbox, I noticed the weekly TED Talk email that I always receive yet never open as often as I would like. and, just as I was about to click delete, I paused and read the title: The Beauty of What We’ll Never Know. for some reason instead of deleting, I opened the email and watched the 20-minute talk. and I’m so glad I did because in addition to the talk itself being wonderfully insightful, Pico Iyer included this quote as part of his talk:

“People wish to be settled; only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them. ” ~Ralph Waldo

and, boy, did it resonate.

a few months ago after making what was a difficult transition to a new job, I was explaining to my therapist how unsettled I felt. how uncomfortable I was because I no longer had a comfort zone. what was once comfortable had been ripped out from under me. I had no normal. I was in a constant state of wobble. and I wanted the fuck out. I desired my old life. I desired predictability. I desired knowing.

as I worked through these feelings over the next months, I kept returning to wobble. even as my new job, commute and daily routines began to provide a bit of that comfort back, I couldn’t shake the feeling of unsettled.

but this morning, as I listened to Iyer, I had a thought: what if instead of immediately trying to fix the wobbly and wanting to get out, to fix it — what if I stayed? maybe not forever. but what if I even just paused, long enough to really feel. long enough to appreciate the discomfort. long enough to really be unsettled and wobbly and know and understand it. what if the wobbly was not only okay, but something great?

what if we were all okay with just being in a constant state of wobble? because, as Iyer said, “transformation comes when I’m not in charge, when I don’t know what’s coming next, when I can’t assume I am bigger than anything around me. . . . you’re only as strong as your readiness to surrender. in the end, perhaps, being human is much more important than being fully in the know.”

what if we all just surrendered to the wobble?

“People wish to be settled; only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them. ” ~Ralph Waldo

week in review
last week’s gratitude: support system, because they’re truly amazing
what I’m reading: The Boston Girl
drinks with one of my favorites
dinner with amazing girlfriends
watched the last presidential debate
drinks with a good friend + met her new little one
therapy
lots and lots of reading
massage + pedit
lots of catching up at work
wrote + posted week in review + accepting the unexpected
wrote + posted to the men who have led to heartbreak
started watching + loving Westworld
ordered + received photo prints from Italy trip
participated in the Pro Bono Challenge + worked with awesome folks from Colorado Young Leaders