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Tap Tap

At times I tend to get a little over excited. Like a child a with a toy. Last month I took a trip to Bangkok. The first leg of my journey was an Emirates flight from London to Dubai. I boarded promptly and took my allocated seat near the back, I was in the aisle while a charming lady was in the window seat. We had struck it lucky, the middle seat was vacant. Hurray. Let me tell you what happened on the plane.

I am not sure about you, but when I am first presented with the in flight entertainment I dedicated a good 10 or 15 minutes stock piling a favourites list the size of the a small country. This plane ride was no different. It goes a little something like this. Rick and Morty season 2? yes to all of this ‘Tap tap tap’. Ingrid goes west? Great movie ‘Tap tap tap’. Classic Disney movies? get that shit in my list. ‘Tap tap tap tap’. As I continued to add favourites to my hearts content I am completely oblivious to the growing tension, movements and tutting noises coming from the seat in front. Just as I finished adding Finding Nemo to my favourite list ‘tap tap’ it kicked off.

A lady whipped around the chair in front with the agility of a skilled olympic hurdler and says aggressively and rather loudly. ‘Can you stop tapping the screen so much with your fingers? You are tapping to much with your fingers! Stop tapping so much’. She then shakes her head and finger at me and turned back. I, both mortified and affronted, lamely mutter ‘no worries Il just control it with my mind then’. She had hit a nerve. She didn’t say it but I could tell she wanted to call my fingers 'witchy' - an insult my friends like to throw at me if I poke them as apparently my finger pokes are incredibly painful. The soft bitches.

To save me from further confrontation with the harassed lady, a woman who sat across the aisle leaned over, pressed a button below the screen and a remote revealed itself. As the flight progressed I did wonder if maybe my friends had been correct, maybe my pokes are incredibly powerful and what I assumed to be reasonable force on the screen came through as a poke in the face so hard it felt like she was being head butted by Pinocchio. It was also plausible that due to my friends I had developed a complex about my witchy fingers (Bastards) and my taps were in fact normal and she was just a dramatic so and so. Either way, after the food was served, this lady was rather rude towards an air steward and so when ever I noticed she had fallen asleep I would give the screen a few sharp jabs with my fingers to wake her the fuck up.

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