Bizarre Busts

By
Reverend Damuzi
on March 10, 2005

The latest craze is for authorities to blame cannabis for every possible atrocity. In Canada, in early March, when four RCMP officers were killed by an infamous psychotic gun nut during a stolen car part investigation, police superiors blamed the deaths on 20 immature marijuana plants they found in the killer’s shed, after inflating the story to “300 plants worth $400,000 dollars” run by “an organized criminal drug ring.”
Similarly, in mid-February, after an English schoolgirl was murdered by a confirmed Satanist obsessed with Death Metal, the High Court judge in the case blamed the incident on the killer’s occasional use of marijuana.

In both countries, anti-pot politicians used the surrounding media hype to lobby for increased penalties against pot. It might not be a shock if the government found some way to blame earthquakes and floods on the wonderful weed.

Hiding the haze

Regardless of how well it’s hidden, cannabis has a way of cropping up. Over the last year, growers, dealers and smugglers have hidden hundreds of pounds of weed in very creative ways, but have been busted nonetheless: 22 tons were found hidden in cereal boxes; 1,626 pounds were found in a delivery of onions, potatoes and lettuce; 190 pounds were found shaped into bricks that looked like bread loaves; 176 pounds were found molded into an ornamental cement lawn fountain; 610 pounds were found in a load of watermelons; 30 pounds were found concealed in vests; and 1 pound was found inside three bags of potato chips.

Second place award for the most creatively disguised weed, however, goes to the British chap who was busted last December 24 with a large marijuana plant fully decorated as a Christmas tree. First place goes to all those who didn’t get busted.

Hallucinating without drugs

People who don’t get high seem to hallucinate more than those who do.

Take the case of the girl in first grade at an elementary school in Southeastern Missouri who was busted by her teachers last February for handing her friend a plastic sandwich bag full of gravel, sand and clover tied with a cute, purple ponytail elastic.

“It’s just dirt!” she protested. School authorities thought it looked more like dirt weed, though, and handed the young lass a two day suspension after making a note on her permanent record.

Similarly, in a complaint currently before the courts, the Boarhog Hunting Club of Mississippi is asking for $225,000 in damages after being targeted with a massive marijuana raid last fall. Narcotics officers reportedly descended on the club’s property in a pot-hating fury and ripped up 500 kenaf plants commonly used by sport hunting enthusiasts to attract deer.

Orchids apparently also resemble cannabis if you stay straight for too long. In February, drug cops smashed in the door of an Alberta home with a battering ram only to discover the prized, completely legal flowers growing indoors under special lights. After profuse apologies, police were let off the hook in return for an agreement to pay for the damages.

Note to narcs: ganja growers aren’t the only ones with bright lights in their homes.