Go to payroll and get your deposit changed immediately. Change your cc passwords. Get your own phone. Call a women's shelter for resources. Get a lawyer. Don't let him try to intimidate you. If you have or get any threatening messages from him, save them.

Should I keep this stuff from him as long as possible? Basically will it be good to kind of figure All this out, and sort out the accounts but not officially change everything until I’m able to do it all in one day? So that he doesn’t find out until it’s too late? I ask because I’ve gotten into 2 of my checking accounts and see that he’s had both rescues phone numbers changes to the same number- his. And it texted him when I asked to reset the password. Do you know if there’s a way around that, like going to a branch in person?

Consult with the lawyer first. If you try to take money from the joint accounts, he can see that immediately. As soon as your first check doesn’t deposit into the joint account, he will know as well. And as soon as he knows, he may become violent. So you need to have an exit strategy in place.

TL;DR: Last night husband told me he was in the next city for work staying in a hotel because he didn't want to commute back home because I had caught him breaking his promise to work on his porn addiction (whole additional can of worms), he was actually sneaking in our apartment while I slept to look through my phone> I woke up to a man (him) crouched over me with my phone & I threw a glass candle holder at him, and clawed his face. He then held my face into the bed to stop me from breathing so I would stop screaming. & finally left when I managed to get into the bathroom and call 911. I need out now. Help

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When I was 23 I met a 34 year old who took my breath away, etc. 1st red flag is him pushing me to marry him after 5 months of knowing him. beyond stupid, I know. I regret that every day. 1st of many red flags.

Got me a career in his company with the requirement we moved to a new city 2 states away from friends and family. Red flag 2. With all my student loan debt i was desperate to get a well paying career in our field and bit. He became emotionally abusive right after we married in April 2017. Name calling, saying all kinds of horrible things to me. Then the gaslighting, emotional manipulation, etc always follows. "How can we treat each other this way, all I want is for you to love me, if you focused on being a better wife as much as you focus on me messing up we wouldn't go through this."

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The physical abuse didn't start until September '17. But it wasn't that bad, yet, he wasn't really hitting me. He would hold my face into the floor or something while screaming at me when he was angry but never hit me. Until last month. And he still didn't really punch me, he just pretended to almost punch me and I think he was planning to stop his punch the whole time. He stopped his fist a hair from my face while he pinned my neck to the wall with his other hand. But he didn't punch me. He stopped right before his fist would have gotten me and said "Don't worry, I don't want to get dumbass on my hands." Looking back I think it was a threat. Honestly I know how fucking naive and stupid I sound, and I'm sorry for the inevitable eye rolls and "this dumb bitch deserves it" because yeah, I should have left a long time ago and its my fault, but I just need advice because I don't know how to divorce someone. He swooped me up right before graduation and I loved the idea of an 'established man' and all my financial accounts and bills have been linked to him since and I truly thought he was an amazing man. He is amazing when he isnt mad.

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I'm sorry this turned into a vent. I haven't talked to anyone about this beccause it's humiliating. I have a Ph.D and I fell for this shitty childs bullshit and I'm now stuck. On to my real problem: How to proceed with divorce? He has my salary deposited to his account, he has all the credit card passwords, he's the primary holder of our phone plan, insurance, etc. His name is on the lease with my name. He had also been divorced and said he would kill me in court if I every try to divorce him. I have no idea what to do here and i need advice. Please help me. I really appreciate ANY advice I can get. Thank you so much for reading this.

He’s at his parents two states away until the weekend, and his name is on the lease with mine as co-renters. I have no family here and our rent comes out of his account that every dollar of my paycheck goes to. But you’re right and I’m freaking out. I had a panic attack for the first time in my life after he left last night. Thought I was suffocating. I can’t do it again. I just don’t know if it’s possible to extract myself from the lease in the next day and a half

If you feel safe staying there until he gets back, then I see the sense in that. About getting out of your lease though, call the leasing office and tell them there is a domestic situation. They will probably want to see a police report though, which is understandable.

Ok good point. I just have a little pink slip thing the officer signed last night that says he showed up but my husband had gone by then. Do you know if a report could be made if I go to the station and detail the situation and tell them I need a report in addition to their form they gave me? That’s probly a stupid question, I’m trying to see if I can find anything for my state about it. You’re being so kind and I’m asking so many things I’m so sorry! Thank you so much I truly appreciate it