As Valentine’s Day rapidly approaches, there are a few things that we need to clear up. First and foremost, this is a day for couples. If you play the game correctly, the sidebitch/dude gets no love that day. The side dudes don’t care about this holiday. But for some reason, sidebitches feel like they have some right or obligation to get a gift, taken to dinner or treated like a girlfriend. So… I have put together some rules for the men and a list of the Top 10 Gifts those low self-esteem hoes should receive the day before or a few days after Valentine’s Day. They got lucky this year because Valentine’s Day is on a Monday so they have the whole weekend to celebrate. If your “man” takes you to dinner Wednesday, Friday or Saturday night but not Thursday… Guess what? You are a side bitch… LMAO *points finger and laughs*

Fellas…

When buying your sidechick a gift, the last thing you do is go home with the receipt in your pocket. If your woman finds the receipt but never sees the item, doesn’t that look a little suspect on your part? And how are you going to explain that?

Never bring your sidechick to the town where you live or do things with your woman. People talk. And if you are seen with a woman other than your woman, you best believe people are going to tell her about it.

When you lie about your whereabouts, please be consistent and remember the lie you told.

NEVER call your sidechick(s) from a phone that your wife/woman has access too.

And if you get caught, begging for forgiveness, staying with your woman and blaming her for your lack of commitment/penis control is lame. Just pack your stuff and leave.

If some of you fellas are clueless as to what you should buy your sidechick, I have compiled a list of Top 10 SideChick Valentine’s Day Gifts you can choose from and she is guaranteed to love,need or will put away for future use…

#1. Any Steve Harvey Relationship Book – I am still trying to figure out what woman would willingly want to read his books. Sidechicks are the perfect candidate because she can’t seem to find her own man, hence why she’s dating someone else’s. We all know that Steve Harvey is one of the biggest frauds walking this earth. Cheating on your wife with tons of women and marrying your mistress does not make you qualified to write a relationship book… Sorry Steve.

#2. Perfume with a free Promotional Item. If you want to make her feel special, buying perfume that comes with a free purse or something is a great way to do it. She will think you got her 2 gifts instead of one.

#3. A Gift Card to Planned Parenthood and Roundtrip Cab Fare – Just in case of some kind of emergency, you want to make sure she’s covered and able to make a move when she needs to.

#4. A few packs of Plan B Pills and a case of bottled water…

#5. A novelty T-Shirt that says “I’m Number 2”

#6. The Mylar Balloon and Teddy Bear ensemble they sell on the side of the road.

#7. The ShakeWeight so she can master jerking you off in the car when you guys can’t get to the motel.

#8. Text her back or answer her phone call in the afternoon instead of 3-6 a.m.like usual or even shout her out/@ her on Twitter. Basic bitches go crazy over things like that… “Aowwwwwww He loves me though. He’s so sweet!” SMH

#9. An autographed copy of G-Swagg’s Single “In the Morning”…

#10. Cubic Zirconia earrings from Walmart in the Tiffany box your wife’s diamond earrings came in

And a special added bonus gift pack… Hard dick and bubble gum. That’s all those chicks deserve anyway.