Killer instincts

A global survey says that Delhi is more competitive than Mumbai. Really?

It’s not only Pranab and Sangma. It’s not only Germany and the Azzurri. It’s not only TOI and HT. Looks like cities too go for the jugular in aiming for the Hot Spot. In a recent study to rate competitive quotient, Delhi was ranked 68th on a list of 120 metros worldwide, while Mumbai trailed at No. 70. Ooh, bad news for Bombabes. They will now have to suffer the catcalls of Dilli Billis, in addition to their recent humiliations at the hands of their own Mumbhais.

Wannabe cities such as Bangalore, Ahmedabad or even, horror of horrors, Patna, have long been baying for urban glory. Kolkata doesn’t wanna be counted since it has never wannaed to be anything other than itself, dhonyobad. But Delhi, political capital, and Mumbai, ready, willing and able to make capital out of anything, have always been the classical top dogs.

Delhi ate political power for breakfast like it was nalli-nihari, and spat the bones out by lunch. Bombay revelled in its own mercantile mojo, though being ‘bindaas’ didn’t mean it couldn’t be kickass. Its cool was decidedly hotter, a fact proved by the phenomenon of Page One People desperately wanting to become Page Three People: all of Delhi’s netas and fixers suddenly started partying in Bombay. It was reverse ‘airdashing’.

Now along comes this study, and claims that Delhi rules, OK. More humiliating for Mumbai, the clincher was the ability to attract capital, business, talent and tourists. Ouch!

We will yield ground only on the last-mentioned. Even the most chauvinistic manoos will concede that Delhi’s tombs and forts are an unbeatable attraction, while Mumbai only has monumental neglect. We spit on our world heritage sights. The seaface is defaced — and defecated on. The tourism potential of Bollywood has remained less exploited than a desperate starlet. And even our terror tourism isn’t enough to make us rank among ‘The World’s 10 Must-See Cities Before You Die’.

But what has really set the pigeons among the fat-cats is Mumbai being beaten on its corporate USP. Couldn’t Delhi remain content with being the country’s capital instead of grabbing the country’s capital?

So here’s a fresh list of parameters which might restore the unskewed status quo. Ask yourselves which of the two cities is more competitive on matters uppermost in the minds of ordinary citizens?

Being the seat of power and largesse, Delhi has an unfair advantage in scale of corruption, but does Mumbai not try harder?

New Delhi was a city planned for the future, has an INTACHt past, and its municipal corporation has more gardeners than the rest of us have trees. But does Mumbai, which started off as a showpiece city, now really have nothing to show but broken pieces? Can’t you see that all the criticised chaos of monorail, metro, expressway and monsoon preparedness is only for a smoother future. It may be death by development, but it’s development, no?

Thirdly, which of the two cities is more competitive in ensuring the safety of its citizens? Take your pick from a range of options: terror, street crime, fire, security, accidents? Both are up to their neck-and-neck here.

Now for the tie-breaker. Delhi was the undisputed patent holder in road rage. Its brand leadership was assured thanks to hot-blooded Punjab de puttars, wide avenues which drove manners to obsolescence, and its higher paternity testiness of ‘Do you know who my father is?’ But all this could change in favour of Mumbai, till now a wimpish live-and-let-live city. It has thrown up a new challenger in the form of a thuggish cop called Dhoble, who wields a hockey stick, and who has been attacking pubs and party scenes like a one-man Godzilla parishad. Road rage? Bah! Here comes Rave rage. Oye Dilli, ab kya bolti tu?

Author

Bachi Karkaria's Erratica and its cheeky sign-off character, Alec Smart, have had a growing league of followers since 1994 when the column began in the Metropolis on Saturday. It now appears on the Edit Page of the Times of India, every Thursday. It takes a sly dig at whatever has inflated political/celebrity egos, and got public knickers in a twist that week. It makes you chuckle, think and marvel at the elasticity of the English language. Bachi Karkaria also writes Giving Gyan in the Mumbai Mirror, and its fellow publications in other cities. It is a shooting-from-the-lip advice column to the lovelorn and otherwise torn, telling them to stop cribbing and start living -- all in her her branded pithy, witty style.

Bachi Karkaria's Erratica and its cheeky sign-off character, Alec Smart, have had a growing league of followers since 1994 when the column began in the Metr. . .