And why, after ten or twenty years of this enormous conspiracy, has there never been a single gold trader standing up on a bar in London or New York or Singapore, pissed as a newt, screaming “IT’S ALL TRUE, EVERYTHING, EVEN THE BIT ABOUT THE LIZARDS”?

(P.S. to any bullion traders reading this, and I know there’s a few: please do this, if only so we can watch the conspiracy theorists completely flip their lid. It’ll be a blast.)