and what kinda of treatment is needed,
i'm being told the effects are permanent
my life has just been 7 years of just ongoing trash,

and i feel my supposed partner is too childish for me...

she is constantly trying to force me into things im just not morally able to do
i was raised with a respective mentality
and there are serious personalty clashes going on,
i don't see how its going to work TBH

i honestly think i need to walk away,
as thing can not be spoken out like adults

any advice
as this situation is really playing on my mental health
Depression,
induces violent sexual desires and thoughts
and i'm very depressed

Apex, you haven't included enough information for us to really understand what your situation is. It sounds like your wife/gf is demanding some form of BDSM that you are unwilling to engage in, and you feel its causing you stress rising to the level of mental illness. Have I got that right? Are you already under treatment for psychotic tendencies?

A couple important points:
1) BDSM requires the consent of all involved. If your wife wants a particular activity that you are unwilling to engage in, you have the right to refuse to participate; if she insists on doing it anyway, she is engaging in abuse, and quite possibly breaking the law.

2) If you are suffering from a serious mental illness like psychosis or depression, you should not be engaging in BDSM. BDSM requires a reasonably stable mental state, especially since some of its darker manifestations can get very much out of hand. If you are struggling with violent thoughts or your grasp on the difference between reality and the fantasy of a scene is weak, DO NOT engage in BDSM play. Someone will be injured eventually. And if you are struggling with depression, do not engage in any sort of play that involves humiliation, verbal abuse, or anything else that generates tension around your self-esteem.

3) You need to be talking honestly and openly with your gf/wife and telling her that you are unable to accommodate her need for BDSM. If the two of you are incompatible sexually on this point (she wants BDSM, you don't), probably the best for you to do is end the relationship.

4) Find a psychiatrist and get treatment for your illness NOW, if you don't have one. The problem here is not BDSM; its mental illness and a partner who can't handle your limits.

"We hurt the ones we love the most. It's a subtle form of compliment."

I've been depressed in the past, as has my partner, which lead to self harming. That ended up pushing the pain threshold, but it's barely anything to do with BDSM.

Because of that bit of our pasts we can handle more perhaps than we would of without, but it's not a gamble anyone should be willing to take.

If you're mentally ill, or fear that you aren't stable right now, you shouldn't really be engaging in BDSM. BDSM can bind people into deep mental states during a session. And I know that if you're depressed and then in a session say where you're forced to perform some form of act, it can become a grudge, you associate the act you're doing with feeling upset or bad.

Now I refer back to the intro to this post. I now associate a cut or pinching/biting/self hate with pleasure. Self harming after a while becomes addictive and a release because of a chemical reaction caused at the creation of pain. I don't feel depressed when I get cut or bitten, I feel a relief.
Now mirror your feelings and switch the relief with a phsycoactive imbalance.

If you're on medication and wanting to do kinks, then speak to a doctor, preferably one who knows which drugs do what to which bit of the brain, and who knows a bit about the phsycology of BDSM.

I agree with Seb though on his 1, 2, 3 and 4. And if your partner really feels for and cares for your wellbeing then she should understand the mental states both the illness and the BDSM cause and react upon.

Perhaps in time as you get better, you will be able to control this and engage in BDSM acts, until then I have one thing for you.