Buzzword Bingo

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The Buzzword Bingo forum is a place to post examples of ludicrous,
convoluted and meaningless buzzwords and marketing drivel dreamed up by those seeking to sound
more important and meaningful than they actually are.

We are developers, which means our job is to simplify complicated and ill-expressed requirements
in order to produce something elegant and useful. If you want to impress us then please just tell it
to us straight. The less pre-processing we have to do the more we will be interested.

Danny, worry not. It's the way businesses do things these days. They pick those terms and expressions up like you'd find dog shite on a pavement in Paris. I'd like to meet the toe-rags who coined: blue sky thinking; thinking outside the box; pushing the envelope and others. I'd thank them for being a**holes.

If there is one thing more dangerous than getting between a bear and her cubs it's getting between my wife and her chocolate.

So let's get outside the tent and back peddle to get it on as that's just touching cloth.

[Have I got it right?]

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DDEthel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

At my previous employment my boss had promised a raise and after the time came and still no raise I emailed and asked about it. A small portion of his response was "we are making minimal adjustments among managers to create additional parity." That was his way of saying, yes, your pay raise will be on the next pay check.

He was so good at using so many words and never actually saying anything.

At least you got a pay raise. A previous company I worked for made me work all kinds of unpaid overtime and I was never acknowledged or thanked and just yelled at, and told I was a moron all the time. I was promised a raise if they kept me there 90 days, which they ended up doing, but then no raise. So I quit.

I was promised a raise if they kept me there 90 days, which they ended up doing, but then no raise. So I quit.

Been there done that myself. I was told to wait another 90 days despite performing above and beyond my required duty, so the next day they got my two week notice and were perplexed as to why I was giving them notice.

Brian C Hart wrote:

A previous company I worked for made me work all kinds of unpaid overtime and I was never acknowledged or thanked

The same company did this to me too, except they thought it was acceptable to "pay" overtime on Friday nights with cheap pizza. So with their wondering why I gave two weeks notice, I brought up the bit about a review and all the unpaid overtime...

"The clue train passed his station without stopping." - John Simmons / outlaw programmer

"Real programmers just throw a bunch of 1s and 0s at the computer to see what sticks" - Pete O'Hanlon

"Not only do you continue to babble nonsense, you can't even correctly remember the nonsense you babbled just minutes ago." - Rob Graham

Just saw a former employer post an ad for this position. Sounds like a dream job if you like sitting there all day and twiddling your thumbs! No coding involved! Scrum meetings lasted 5 minutes per day when I was there, and we never needed a dedicated "master."

Craigslist Troll: litaly@comcast.net

"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours. "
— Hunter S. Thompson

buzzword by marketing guru's to trick simpletons new on the web into buying far too expensive services (cloud: originating from the fact that the internet used to be represented in slides and presentations as a little cloud) - e.g. check amazons AWS site at http://aws.amazon.com/[^] and read and weep at the incomprehensible mambojambo to get sites up and running at ridiculous prices

Cloud services seem to be promising more than they can deliver at the moment (in terms of speed and reliability), and their survival seems dependent on people that don't need it, buying it. At least I haven't seen as many MS cloud commercials lately, those were mind numbing.

Craigslist Troll: litaly@comcast.net

"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours. "
— Hunter S. Thompson

Somebody at my company said in a meeting that he devised a plan that "leverages the synergies" of two departments. There were so many phrases like this uttered that my mind eventually turned off and this was all I could remember.

There is an idea called "plus one". If you do just one extra thing (a day, a week, whatever), you will get more done than the competition, and you will overcome them. In an email from the president of the company, this phrase was uttered:

Company President wrote:

"Plus 1" will be our force-multiplier.

There you go, folks, two buzzwords in one post. That's my plus one for the day.