A 78-year-old Dacula, Ga., woman told cops that the van left to her by her late husband was stolen from in front of her house.

She found the 1973 Chevy later that day — hidden behind weeds, right where she’d left it. “She could not see the vehicle,” said a cop.

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A psychic swine is set to predict the winners in the upcoming European championship soccer games in Ukraine and Poland.

Kiev’s city government said the prognosticating porker would provide its telepathic tips at 4 p.m. every tournament day.

In a press release, Kiev’s city fathers called the pig “a unique oracle hog, a real Ukrainian pig and a psychic that knows the mysteries of football.”

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To serve and neglect.

A Billings, Mont., cop is in hot water for driving a drunken duo outside the city limits and leaving them by the side of the road to sober up at 3 a.m. in the frigid January chill.

It didn’t work. The man and woman “were very intoxicated and stumbling into traffic,” records said.

Officer Paul Lamantia is now looking forward to a two-week suspension.

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Definitely not lovin’ it.

Two Tennessee meatheads threw a concrete slab through the window of a Murfreesboro McDonald’s.

The cheesed-off twosome didn’t like the “messed-up” burgers they’d purchased, so they took what seemed like the most sensible course of action. “They went home and continued to drink beer and get worked up about the cheeseburgers,” police said.

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Canada’s federal science museum removed a cartoon of youths masturbating from an upcoming exhibit after a public outcry.

But the Canada Science and Technology Museum in Ottawa will still open “Sex: A Tell-all Exhibition,” despite considerable outrage.