Life as I see it

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caregiver

After a few months, I’m finally getting back to talking about Barney. It was bound to happen eventually! After all, I do watch it for 24 hours a week for work.

Tonight, I was watching Jeopardy. I love watching that show. One of the questions was about a nursery rhyme that I don’t remember from when I was little, though my mother says she said it many times.

No, I don’t remember it from then. I remember the nursery rhyme from Barney’s House.

Oh, yeah. I’m watching a lot of Barney lately.

The clue on Jeopardy was, “According to a famous nursery rhyme, this person runs ‘upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown.'” I was screaming at the TV, “IT’S WEE WILLY WINKY!”

The contestants didn’t know it. I was beyond frustrated that they couldn’t answer it.

I guess that comes from watching it constantly, though. I practically have the show memorized. Answers that seem so simple to me might not be so simple to anybody else.

The same could go for anything, really. I think my job is incredibly easy. Everyone I talk to thinks my job is incredibly hard. Even after I explain to them what I really do all day, they think my job is difficult. It’s not, really. Then again, I’m learning patience, and I’m more patient than I used to be.

I do love my job, and yes, I actually kind of enjoy watching Barney from time to time. The girl I take care of gets a big laugh out of whenever Barney is paused. We always tell her, “Barney got stuck!” It’s cute. Really cute. I don’t pause it just for no reason, but her parents pause it at the appropriate times (such as when they brush her teeth or at a certain time during physical therapy).

I don’t know how long I’ll be working there, but I’m going to enjoy the time I have there. I’m going to watch Barney while I’m there.I will always say that, had I been on Jeopardy, I could have won $400. Who knows? Maybe I’ll win more imaginary money.

Sometimes, not knowing what you’re supposed to do in your life is the worst feeling in the world. Other times, it’s not so terrible. For me, it’s somewhere in between.

When I started college, I thought I wanted to major in English and just be a full-time writer. Then, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. Now, I have no idea. I haven’t told anyone that I’m starting to doubt, but man, the doubt is thick.

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Ever since I started my job, I’ve been questioning it. Do I want to be an elementary school teacher still? Do I want to be a special needs teacher? Do I want to quit college and be a caregiver for the rest of my life while writing? Do I just want to be a full-time writer without a degree? I have no idea.

Sometimes I think it’s just my struggling in Algebra that causes this doubt, but I really don’t know for sure. I decided to give the tutor that my parents set up for me a chance just in case I’m able to get a grip on the whole math thing, and maybe I’ll see college isn’t so bad after all. I’ll give it a fair chance. But if this guy can’t make me understand anything in a month, I’m out. Too soon? Well, that’s when my book rental ends and I can’t find a place to extend the rental.

There are times when I feel like God doesn’t want me on the college path, but I wonder if that’s just Satan deceiving me. I don’t know for sure, and I may not for a while. That’s why I feel like a month is okay. If I still feel like college isn’t the path for me in a month, I’ll figure something out. My parents may not like it, but I have to follow God’s path for me.

I don’t know what the future holds, entirely, but I do know that it can be a confusing world. If God’s plan for me doesn’t include finishing college, it may be a hard road, but I’m ready for it. If I’m supposed to be a full-time writer with no degree, let me be that full-time writer. I’ve always said I’m a small town girl that has a crazy big dream of becoming a best-selling author, so whether or not my writing career has another career with it, bring on the future. I’m ready and waiting to see what happens.