~ A Compendium of My Inane Ramblings, Photos & Assorted Detritus of Life

Category Archives: Aaaaack!

We were accepted into The Variety School of Hawaii this past week. Needless to say, it’s been quite a summer. From getting her diagnosis, to applying to The Assets School and then getting referred to The Variety School, it’s been a whirlwind. And here I thought I’d get to relax while she went to camp!

School starts for us next week & as much as I thought she’d fight us on it, because, lets face it, what kid doesn’t love getting to sleep in, she’s really looking forward to it. She’s counting down the days, looking longingly at her pile of supplies on the table that used to be our homeschool table, and talking about what she might do at her new school.

While we’re very excited that she’s going to be in a great place where she’ll fit like a hand in a glove, we’re more than a little concerned about the financial aspect of the whole endeavor. For a child like Aidan on the ASD, tuition is $28,500/year. We were able to get grant-in-aid funds to bring it down to $19,150/year. We’ve enrolled in Tricare-ECHO like good little lemmings. The school is great. They provide individualized instruction, speech therapy, occupational therapy, adapted PE, remediation where needed, enrichment where needed. Really it’s everything she needs. But, because they don’t provide ABA (applied behavior analysis) therapy, & therefore aren’t considered “approved ECHO providers”, ECHO won’t pay one thin dime. Of course.

Excuse me ECHO, I don’t want her behavior modified nor do I want her “cured”. I happen to like her just the way she is. She is incredibly gifted and if this school can remediate her working memory and her processing speed (& maybe as an added bonus, develop a few social skills) her IQ will be off the charts and she can talk to people about what she knows without scaring them off.

So the $64,000 question is this, to whom do I appeal this arbitrary decision? Surely I don’t take the word of a call center functionary? I know there have been instances of ECHO paying for special needs schools. I need to know who to talk to, how to get a hold of them & just how high this Warrior Mama needs to climb to fight. Because believe me, if there’s money out there that can be used to pay for her education, I’ll fight tooth & nail to get to it. Not just to save our family a few measly ducats but damnit because we’ve sacrificed for it and they owe it to us. She wasn’t even 2 when her Daddy went to Iraq, just a baby. He got home in time for her 3rd birthday. Tell me she doesn’t deserve a good education from her Uncle Sam.

For the third time in the eight months we’ve lived in Hawaii, Aidan has wandered away from the safety of our home & small neighborhood enclave out to the main road. There’s a large playground near the top of the valley, we think that’s been her aim each time. There’s a creek that runs along side the valley where a lot of wildlife lives. I fear that if she doesn’t go to the playground, she’ll try to get down to the creek. Today was the third occurrence of her wandering and she was gone for at least an hour. If Ryan hadn’t brought her home, my next step was calling the Honolulu Police.

She told me she was going outside to play with her “friends” across the street. I say “friends” because the four kids that live across the street are not nice to her (nor me for that matter), and I really don’t like her playing with them. She’s oblivious to their snarkiness & rude comments but it still doesn’t make it right. Anyway, she said she was going to play, I initially said no, she begged, I caved, she went to play. After about 30 minutes I realized I hadn’t heard much kid noise in a bit, better go check (living in HI, we keep our doors & windows open for ventilation). The kids said she went off “with her friend” (which turned out to be a big fat lie). When I asked who, they shrugged; where, shrugs again. Thanks for the help. She was no where to be seen on the street so I called up to Ryan to come help me look for her. I stayed at the house while he walked around the neighborhood. He finally found her, out on the main road “barking like a dog.”

She had no idea that she could’ve been in any danger. But that’s the thing: children with autism are often the most difficult to teach about the dangers associated with wandering such as drowning, getting struck by a vehicle, falling from a high place, dehydration, hyperthermia, abduction, victimization and assault.

RESEARCH

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that an average of 1 in 88 individuals in the U.S. have an ASD that can cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges. These challenges often present unique safety risks, including those associated with a person’s tendency to wander or elope from a safe environment.

According to data released in April 2011 by the Interactive Autism Network (IAN) through the Kennedy Krieger Institute (KKI):

– Roughly half, or 49%, of children with a autism attempt to elope from a safe environment, a rate nearly four times higher than their unaffected siblings

– More than one third of children with autism who wander/elope are never or rarely able to communicate their name, address, or phone number Aidan knows our phone numbers, my name, Ryan’s name, rank & where he works but has a hard time with our address. We need to work on this.

– Two in three parents of elopers reported their missing children had a “close call” with a traffic injury As busy as that main road is, this is my biggest fear. She just goes off into her own little world, exploring & imagining, not paying the least bit of attention to her surroundings.

– 32% of parents reported a “close call” with a possible drowning Knowing that she has no fear & has none since she was a very tiny baby, we put her in swimming lessons young, the kid swims like a fish. Of course, if she falls or is some how incapacitated, all of those lessons are right out the window.

– Children with ASD are eight times more likely to elope between the ages of 7 and 10 than their typically-developing siblings All of her wanderings have been right in that window…7 & 8 years old.

– Half of families with elopers report they had never received advice or guidance about elopement from a professional Nope, not a bit. All I know I’ve read online from my own research.

In 2012, the National Autism Association found that from 2009 to 2011, accidental drowning accounted for 91% total U.S. deaths reported in children with autism subsequent to wandering, and that 23% of total wandering-related deaths occurred while the child was in the care of someone other than a parent.

We’ve informed Aidan that she is no longer allowed to leave the house without Mama or Daddy with her. Each of her three wandering incidents have been as a result of us letting her go outside on her own, mistakenly trusting her. Now that we have a better grasp of what’s going on (or, more accurately, NOT going on) in that little head of hers, we’re hoping that prohibiting her from going out on her own puts a stop to the wandering, rather than having to put the whole house on lockdown. We’ve been lucky each time but God knows we can’t press our luck.

There’s a WHOLE lot of hurry up & wait in military life. When Ryan came home & announced that we’re moving to Hawaii, he had only received an RFO from HRC (in English: Request for Orders from Human Resources Command). Once we knew where we were going, my life got shoved into hyper drive. There are a few things that have to happen quickly when you’re PCSing OCONUS (permanent change of station out of the continental United States), especially if you have kids or a pet.

I had to do a lot of research to get all the details on bringing a pet onto the Hawaiian Islands. Long story short, it’s a rabies-free state, pets have to have two rabies shots and a blood test (called the FAVN-OIE Rabies Antibody Test) and then 120 days after the blood test has been sent to either a lab at Kansas State or Ft. Sam Houston, they’ll let your pet on island. If you don’t follow the protocol, your pet has to spend the 120 days in quarantine at the Honolulu Airport…not fun, for you and definitely not good for your poor pet (plus it’s EXTREMELY expensive to quarantine your pet at the airport). It’s much better for your pet to spend the 120 days with you at your mainland home than in a tiny cage at an airport.

If you’re PCSing to Hawaii, here’s the official site with info that I found. Since Abbey is still a puppy, we had to get her second rabies shot. At that vet appointment I found out that we have to wait 21 days after getting a rabies vaccination to do Abbey’s FAVN blood draw. So, for those of you playing along at home, Ryan got his RFO in mid-August, is due to report for duty in early November…that’s less than 120 days already. Even if we’d done the FAVN test the day we got the RFO, her 120 days wouldn’t have been up until December. Now, with the 21 days added on, her 120 days will be up in January. So, Abbey will stay in Colorado with Ryan’s family until her 120-day sentence is served. See what I mean about hurry up and wait?

The other thing you have to hurry up and do? Overseas medical screenings. Aidan and I had to go to the Exceptional Family Member Program Office and get medical screening forms, then get appointments with each of our primary care managers. Luckily, Ft. Huachuca is a small post so it was easy to get into see our PCMs. I can only imagine if we were still at Ft. Sam Houston & trying to get appointments at BAMC! I also had to fill out a questionnaire about each of us, our health, what medications we’re taking, our medical history, etc. and then when I turned them in, the EFMP nurse questioned me about everything. Ryan has to fill out a DA-5888 which is basically the same thing but for the servicemember.

I’ve gotten all of this done in about two weeks. The thing that’s trying my patience? We’re STILL waiting on orders. I’ve done everything I can do without a set of official orders in my hand. Normally, with a CONUS move (a move within the lower 48 states or Continental United States), it’s fairly easy for the transportation office to contact movers, set a date & get things done. With an OCONUS move, things have to boxed AND crated to be shipped overseas (involving two companies or more), our vehicles have to be shipped, his has to be driven to San Diego, mine has to be scheduled with the autotransport company to be picked up here, driven to San Diego or Long Beach, put on a ship to be taken to Honolulu. On top of all that, Ryan has to put in for leave 30 days before the day he wants it to start (which was September 3). He can’t put in for leave without an itinerary. You can’t get an itinerary and plane tickets from the transportation office without…you guessed it…ORDERS!!! So you understand my frustration, right? I can’t even tell potential landlords/real estate agents when we’ll be on island so we can set up showings. Ryan said when they DO finally arrive, HRC can expedite his leave form and speed other things along as well (we shall see). Lets all cross our fingers that the orders come soon.

Nevertheless, we’re still excited about moving to the islands! Aloha!!

As you probably already know, Father’s Day is rapidly approaching on Sunday, June 17. My step-father, Aidan’s Papa, is a super easy person to buy for. He is a huge lover of all things wine, travel & Texas History. On top of all that, he is completely crazy about his six grandkids. So, anything I can find that relates to wine, travel, Texas or says something about being the world’s greatest Papa, he’s going to love. He is super easy to shop for for Father’s Day (or any other gift-giving holiday).

My husband, on the other hand, is the world’s most difficult person to shop for!

He’s a gamer, but doesn’t advertise the fact by wearing t-shirts or anything like that. For example: A few years ago, I got him a “Pwn Star” t-shirt. (“Pwn” is l33t speak for pown or “to own”. A gamer term.) I think he wore it once.

He’s an officer in the Army but that doesn’t define who he is, nor does he walk around advertising what he does. Another example: I got him a t-shirt that said “Blue Falcon, buddy is only half the word.” (It’s very much a military thing…suffice it to say, it was a joke he & his roommates in OCS talked about…they called their room the “Blue Falcon’s Nest”). I think he wore it once or twice too. I saw another t-shirt that said “Secret Squirrel”, suggested it to him (he wears A LOT of t-shirts, it’s basically his civilian uniform) and was forbidden from buying it.

He loves technology but isn’t a gadget geek (that’s me…I LOVE gadgets). Anything tech that comes into our house, he purchases because he wants to review the specs, the Consumer Reports, etc. Basically do all the research on.

If I buy him clothes, but those aren’t looked at as “Ooh wow, thanks for the new outfit from Old Navy!” they’re looked at as utilitarian and necessary (is it the soldier in him?)

Lest you think he hasn’t a sentimental bone in his body, he has nearly everything Aidan has ever made for him, most of it hanging in his office, right next to awards from the Army. She has it easy, make him something, put “I love you Daddy” on it and he treasures it forever. Meanwhile, I’m at a loss. They drew and colored a Coke can together (art is something they share), he framed it and hung it in his office. He has a foam necktie with “I ❤ U Dad” that she made for Father’s Day when she was 18mo old in Sunday school in Georgia. That has hung in every office he’s had since she gave it to him. One of our movers folded one of her paintings and he got mad. I guess Father’s Day is easier for kids?

So, I wound up getting him what he asked for, a Craftsman tool chest. He’s quite the handyman around the house (he actually built me an upholstered headboard…post to come about that) and does other handy stuff like install ceiling fans & I think he gets tired of his tools getting spread out. So, off to Craftsman.com I went to find him a nice Craftsman tool chest/cabinet. It’s the Limited Edition Black & Platinum set. I got quite a deal too, the bottom cabinet portion was originally $329 and the top chest was originally $269. Sears marked the bottom half down to $155 & the top half down to $145 AND I didn’t have to pay shipping because they’re in stock at the store so I can pick them up…although Ryan will be getting his gift out of the car himself if I can’t find anyone to lift it out for me, these things weigh nearly 150 lbs together!

Aidan is in first grade, attending a school on a military base. The kids she is going to school with are a rainbow of diversity but it’s no different than any other school she’s ever attended, from the public school the last two years, or the post pre-school at Ft. Benning. Military kids just tend to be a microcosm of the nation…incredibly diverse.

Ryan & I have made a concerted effort, ever since Aidan was old enough to notice that some people have different colored skin, to tell her that God made everyone different, we’re all the same on the inside and the color of our skin doesn’t really matter. I’m pretty sure we’ve been successful. She treats everyone the same, regardless of race.

Her classmates, on the other hand, have not been hearing the same message at home.

Today at recess, Aidan tells me, two of her classmates informed her that unless she had coffee colored skin, she was NOT allowed to play in the sandbox (her favorite place to hang out during recess). My child, apparently has peach skin, and was denied entrance, so she lost it and acted out. The teacher on duty, saw only the action & didn’t hear the interactions so only Aidan got in trouble. Aidan told me she knew she should’ve ignored them or used her words but I can see where she was coming from! Geez louise! First graders banning another first grader because she’s white?

I have to say, I’m nervous about what February & Black History Month might bring. Will this further empower these students’ bad behavior? I prefer to raise my child to be colorblind, that race doesn’t matter, that God made everyone different but everyone the same. I do not want the school to undermine my teaching.

I’m a pretty easy-going person. I haven’t always been. I used to have a 2 millimeter fuse on a 2 megaton bomb but with age, parenthood & medications, I’ve mellowed out. Considerably.

But there are still a few things that make me absolutely, completely, off my rocker, CRAZY. This, my friends is one of them. I present to you, the messy detergent bottle.

SOMEONE, anyone, explain to me HOW on God’s green earth this happens?? The lid is designed to pour the excess back into the bottle, NOT all over the outside the bottle. I can’t even fathom how this happened. I had to spend 10 minutes washing the detergent bottle in the washing machine.

Remember that job interview I had a while back, before we left to come to San Antonio? The phone interview went great. The principal seemed really interested and then called me back a week later asking if I was still interested in the position. Sounds good, right? She said that she wanted all the new people to come in and meet with the priest so we scheduled a time for that to happen the day after I got into town. I showed up at the school dressed up, not in a full-on interview suit but dressed up. Dressy capris, heels and a jacket. I thought I was hired, I thought I was meeting the priest. Nope, I was interviewing again with the principal, 2 teachers and (in the priest’s place), the president of the parents’ council. It would’ve been nice if I’d known I was interviewing again so I could’ve worn my suit. Anyway, I was asked all the same questions again that the principal asked me over the phone and I gave the same answers. I thought I was doing good until I accidentally mentioned that Ryan had been deployed to Iraq and my faith got me through the 14 month deployment (I was being asked about how my faith is a part of who I am). I saw the parents’ council lady write “Husband military?” at the top of my resume’. Well you might as well have stuck a fork in me then because it was all over. I left feeling like crap and then got an email on Saturday telling me that I wouldn’t be hired. Yep, we’re military, damn it. My address on my resume’ says Ft. Benning and we moved to friggin’ “Military City USA” and your school is the closest one to the Army post in town. Don’t act shocked to find out an applicant is a military wife. I’m sick and freakin’ tired of being discriminated against because we’re military. Schools need to get it through their thick skulls that there are a lot of military wives that are teachers. It’s a nice, portable career for women who get dragged from pillar to post every 3 years. Grr…I’m really frustrated. I thought I had it all secured until this load of crap got put in my lap.

. . . .

In other news, does anyone know what kind of plant this is?

The color of the flowers didn’t show up well, the flowers are purple. I saw them all over my parents’ neighborhood in landscaping and I just love them and would like to see if they’d grow here. So, any thoughts on what it might be?

I really and truly haven’t forgotten my Blogiversary Giveaway, I’ve just been crazy busy with a get together on Friday night, a benefit dinner on Saturday night and then today Aidan and I haven’t felt well and I had to finish getting the program together for Confirmation on Monday. My plan is to do it tomorrow, I promise. 🙂

I was trucking along, doing well. I got the four stockings done for Aidan’s teachers, I got Ryan’s stocking cut out and the bags for Camden & Everett cut out and started. I started searching for some twill tape I know I have, for drawstrings for those bags and somehow it evolved into reorganizing my sewing area. I’m having college finals flashbacks. I always had THE cleanest dorm room during finals because inevitably a search for something during studying would evolve into cleaning and organizing.

Pecan pralines for all the teachers at my school (I did luck out and finally get Nana’s family recipe for them!). Clearly I’m a glutton for punishment and want to attempt candy-making for the first time in my life when I have scads of other things to do too.

. . . .

Christmas To Do List

Finish rice therapy bags (7)

Finish jewelry bags (4)

Make Kaelyn’s pajamas

Make Camden & Everett’s bags (Started but not finished, hopefully will finish by tonight)

Y’all, I am starting to feel the crunch! Tomorrow is December 12, which means there are 12 days until Christmas Eve and only 10 days until we leave for Texas and I have way too MUCH to do. I need more time! Either that or the ability to go a few days or a week without sleep. Of course if I did that who knows what my sewing would look like. I know what my writing looks like after a sleepless night…not good, not even straight, so sewing on no sleep is probably not such a hot idea. 😉

. . . . .

Christmas To Do List

Finish rice therapy bags (7)

Finish jewelry bags (4)

Make Kaelyn’s pajamas

Make Camden & Everett’s bags

Finish Aidan’s nightgown

Burn CDs for Abigail & Ruth Ann

Finish stockings for Aidan’s class (15)

Get Alabama fabric for Mrs. Stokes’ stocking

Make stockings for Aidan’s teachers (4)

Finish t-shirts for Aidan

Mail Melynn & Kaelyn’s gifts

Mail Momoh’s gift

I think I might be forgetting something…

. . . . .

Luckily Ryan has agreed to wrap the gifts, he does a fantastic job and it takes a lot of what I have to do off my plate. I asked him if he’d do it if I brought all the stuff with me from Georgia and he agreed with no argument or convincing on my part. Such a good hubby. 🙂 Now I just have to box up his prezzies so he doesn’t know what he’s getting. 🙂 When I was a kid, my mom had me wrap my own gifts every year. She’d box everything up, I’d wrap it all and she’d put the labels on. I’d always get so irritated when I saw that I wrapped my own presents. You think I’d be better at wrapping presents but I think it’s my lack of spatial reasoning skills. I can’t look at a box and estimate how much paper I need. I either way under or over cut. Ryan has an artists eye (draftsman’s eye?) and can just look at a box and know exactly how much paper to cut. So, long story short, he’s wrapping the gifts.