October 14, 2010

Get the fuck OUT

There's a new boy. He controls my mind and it scares me. He's good at it and I let him. He's trying to get me to stop cutting. When I decide to cut, I cut. I never *don't* cut. I wanted to cut last night. He didn't let me. I didn't. I'm not sure what's going on. I think I might like it. The idea that someone could get into my mind and not hurt me is an amazing thought.

I had a vocal lesson on Tuesday. Evening, 7pm. Before that, I was hanging out with some people, including my stepbrother and his girlfriend. She's really nice. But they were all eating and I obviously wasn't. She's kinda chubby. She said "I wish I could be anorexic like you" You guys know how much I weighed recently. Well, I weigh 500lbs now. Does that really sound anorexic to you? ...Yeah it doesn't to me either. Ugh. Then my mom got all pissed off cause my hands were shaking. I don't know. I guess it was really cold or something? I'm not anorexic. I throw up too much to be anorexic. The new boy will never touch that part of my mind.