On Aug. 8, I turn 22. On Aug. 11, I'm marrying the love of my life. On Aug. 20, I'm starting an accelerated dual master's-degree program.

We've been together four years. He is 26, a college graduate and makes a nice living as an engineer. He has already bought a house for us.

The response I hear when people see my ring is: "You're way too young to think about that"; "I wish I never

. . . ," etc.; "Statistics show people who marry young divorce in a couple of years."

I ask people what age they think I should get married, and I mention our degrees and that we already have a nice house. They scoff. I've even tried saying he makes me incredibly happy and isn't that enough? Their response: "You're too young to know what makes you happy."

My aunts and cousins also know we decided to abstain until marriage, and they bring that up as well.

"Now you're going to have horrible sex your whole life"; "The wedding night is going to be terrible."

When I cried after being attacked by six aunts at once, my best friend said, "If it upsets you so much, maybe you're not ready."

But I am ready, and why can't people mind their own business?

-- 21-Year-Old Virgin

Dear 21: Because they're having too much fun minding yours.

You mount a fine defense of your ability to think for yourself.

But you make a better case for not defending yourself at all. Any decisions to leave the mainstream, especially while young, attract attention -- both well-meaning and voyeuristic. That's Immovable Object 1.

Immovable Object 2 is that once people notice you, they start measuring your decisions against what they know. It's natural.

To some, it's also unnatural to keep their mouths shut. So they start sharing any wisdom they've acquired, and it doesn't matter whether you want it, because it's their need they're satisfying: to display how wise they are.

And while this can seem oppressive, it should also seem familiar. It's the rare person who thrives without any outside approval. Most people seek it.

You, for example, are quite accustomed to it, a beyond-high achiever who, you take care to note, will neither a fornicator nor renter be. And yet you're attracting this unfamiliar thing -- negative attention. And it burns.

While your critics might be rightly concerned, they are all wrong to get in your face. No one knows whether your marriage will fail.

The young might struggle with marriage, but perfectionists struggle more; use this experience to examine, challenge and break your need to impress.

Thank people for their concern and move on. It's a hard lesson, realizing that your faith in yourself is all you have on your side. It's also not an exception; it's the rule.