Desperate Measures

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Ted Casablanca
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Note: Ted C is traveling until Labor Day, so today's column is penned by Cristina Gibson.

We head south for the latest on Owen Wilson's suicide sitch, while Nicole Richie chows down (for a change) with an unlikely slew of celebs...and pokes fun at two of her frenemies. Plus, Jessica Simpson and Lauren Conrad hit up Hyde with new guys, and we dish on the new season of Desperate Housewives!

Ted interrupts his vacay to bring you the latest on Owen Wilson:

"He's one of the good ol' boys from here, not supposed to have anything wrong with 'em, what the hell do you expect?"

While up in the middle of California's coast on vacation, I was stunned to find CNN awash with female B-stars, such as Marie Osmond, pontificating on the very tricky dynamics of dealing with major depression as a celebrity—all in the aftermath of O. Wilson's reported suicide attempt, 'course.

Denise Truscello/WireImage.com

Uh, excuse me, I realize this is an emotional sitch to confront while being a public figure, but what the ef do these women know about facing personal demons while, at the same time, enjoying fame as Hollywood's most infamous studmuffin (i.e., the Butterscotch Stallion)?

Nothing.

By just checking in with a couple of the Wilson bro's buds in the Big D (where O.W. and I both hail from), I've begun to gather—obviously—Wilson wasn't so happy fornicating through the tulips.

"He's got some sex stuff and other things he's dealing with," said one Wilson amiga whom we have in common, "and, you know, the Texan thing is to not show anything's wrong, keep it all in."

Ya mean the Tex-ass thing? Yep. "And then all that fame on top of it," lamented the bud.

More to come next week, folks, after the holidays—and when more than a few players in this overdone story have sobered up. Surely is a nasty sitch, in many ways.

Hope you feel better, O, and I mean that.

Michael Caulfield/WireImage.com

Since we dished on Paris' good behavior yesterday, it's only fitting that today we check up on her sometimes-sidekick and mom-to-be Nicole Richie,right? Nic was spotted having dinner at Dominick's in Beverly Hills with a bunch of famous faces, including Samantha Ronson, Zach Braff and his g-f, Shiri Appleby (a coupling that my E! cohort Marc Malkinoriginally reported).

The occasion for this motley crew getting together? A mutual friend's going-away party. Nicole seems to be eating for two (finally), and she chowed down on halibut, spaghetti Bolognese and spinach. The expecting babe was on her best nonimbibing behavior, sipping tea while everyone else sucked down mojitos and bottles of wine. She also took her temperature after dinner and proudly announced to the entire table that she didn't have a fever. Guess she's taking her health seriously these days, huh?

Nicole got slightly naughtier later on that night, when the party moved over to Hyde. "Nicole and deejay Frankie Inglese were imitating Paris and Lindsay having a dance-off," says my Hyde insider. "Nicole was doing Paris, and Frankie was doing Lohan."

Scott Suchman/WireImage.com

Hmmm...maybe she's not so friendly with Paris after all, although my source insists their mocking was "all in good fun." And P. Hil and Linds shouldn't feel too bad. After all, imitation is the highest form of flattery, right?

Also makin' the scene at Hyde was Jessica Simpson, who's back in town after filming Major Movie Star in Louisiana—which sounds like it's headed straight to a Blockbuster near you.

But don't worry too much about Jess and her questionable acting career! Seems she might have found herself a new man. According to my source, a "young, clean-cut guy" had his arm around the blond babe almost all night.

Jordin Althaus/WireImage.com

Also there: a hot and seemingly single Lauren Conrad hit the dance floor with her girlfriends and a group of "balding, investment-banker types in their 30s." Eww. I can't really decide if that sounds like an upgrade or downgrade from Brody Jenner & Co.

Meanwhile, Zach and Shiri, who were reportedly rather antisocial during dinner, opted to call it an early night. Wonder what they got into later on?

Ron Tom/ABC

Curious about what's coming up on the next season of Desperate Housewives? No? Too bad. According to James Denton, this season's gonna be good, so you just may start tuning in again.

"Nathan Fillion and Dana Delaney are perfect additions to the show," he dished at Teri Hatcher's Badgley Mischka bash. Apparently, the new additions to the cast were a surprise, even to him. "I was in Canada working on a movie when I read on the Internet they were on the show. I was thrilled because I'd just seen Waitress, and Nathan's brilliant in that. Marc's been trying to get Dana on the show for years."

Lisa O'Connor / ZUMA Press

Mr. Cherry needs to do something to shake up the series, that's for sure. James swore the new cast brings back some of the must-see mystery element we've been missing for a few seasons.

So, what's it like being the new broad on the notoriously bitchy set?

"It's always odd coming into a show that's already established, but everyone's been really kind," D.D. offered, all politically correct and publicist sanctioned. "I feel like I'm just beginning to catch up."

Well, you must be on Teri's good side, since you came in the same car with her—so that's a good start, babe.

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