Today’s BBF model, in addition to teaching kindergarten, likes to suck down 40s, poor a little out for her homeys, smoke whole turkeys, practices cross fit 3 times a week, gardening, and perform avant garde interpretations of Shakespeare’s tragedies. She stands 5 feet fat, weighs in at an impressive 69 inches and would you like to beware the booty….please put down your bottle of Hennessy and put your hands together for Miss Moe!!!!!!!!!!

Heh heh I’ve done those pix with the boys every single year. And every year, absolute exhaustion at the end of the day, with my favorites being the ones of them asleep on the family room floor. Hilarity.

If I was the news announcer I’d just say “Folks, nothing worth reporting happened today.”

First time I did the moning news at the station, nothing newsworthy happened in the entire state . I mean, there was literally nothing in the news to report on. It was horrible. I had 5 minutes to fill, 7 times, and I had nothing at all to report on.

I was so tempted to just say “Nothing to report. It’s 75 degrees. Back to you, Tom.”

Grifters are getting more creative with their stories. Yesterday I was putting gas in the car and a woman at the pump behind me (with Texas plates) had the following problem: She was at the beach and had all her money in her bra, went in the water and a wave hit her and now her money is gone and her kid needs to get back to San Bernadino for a chemotherapy appointment, etc.

Maybe if I had given her some cash my karma would have improved and today’s post would never have happened.

Hey Lippy. GND and I were doing some ridiculous word association one night and for some reason, probably the massive quantities of mind altering substances, the phrase fish sticks made us laugh like Rosetta at an open bar with all you can eat ice cream.

Turns out there’s a whole episode of South Park about fish sticks and Kanye West that neither of us had seen.

I just keep being grateful to have coverage at all. In three years, or earlier if the ex quits his job, I’ll be uninsurable. (We’re staying married on paper for that long for the coverage.) If one more person says “oh, then you’ll have Obamacare” so you’ll be alright”…

No no, I can swear all I like, she gets frustrated when I use florid language or rare but completely legitimate English words. She calls them “50 cent words” and I got sick of her blowing up over me speaking like an educated person, so the compromise we struck – at my insistence – is that I had to give her 50 cents when I used them and she wasn’t allowed to be angry.

Have you clearly described your symptoms to the doc, MCPO? Because this seems like a good case for a walk-in ER visit to me. Not really an emergency, of course, but just to get some attention/ relief right away.

Anita came home from the gym this morning with an “I Love You Mom” balloon.
Today is the 18th year since her mom died.
She planted a tree, then.
Each year, she brings a balloon home for Martha.
Martha was a tough woman.
She was a “Rosie The Riveter” and after that worked for Jantzen for 25 years, then waitressed.
Martha WAS “Hard Core”.
Anitas’ mom was cool.
May GOD bless you Martha…

I have an extra day off and wish to explore my new home state. I hae never been anywhere here so where should I start?
I thought of visiting Mesa, or going south to Corpus, or west to the hill country. North is Dallas, I could bug the heck out of Michael, and east is Louisiana and gambling with New Orleans and food a few hours away.

I don’t like beans. H8 ’em. The #8 at Twisters has beans and green chile. I order it no beans, smothered red. The Twisters by my house ALWAYS deletes the green chile when I order “Smothered”. Today, I emphasized green chile inside, with my no beans. I got beans AND green chile. Dan thinks I just need to order “No beans/Christmas”. I think the kitchen needs to follow their menu board. (Bacon, potatoes, egg,green chile)$20 buys a few.

Leon, I know!!!! We have a traditional Messican dinner for Xmas. I work retail for a reason. Dan badgered me into spending a Xmas with mi familia. I TOLD HIM! My Mom my whole life: Here, have some beans. Me: I don’t like beans. My Mom: You don’t like beans? (Fast Forward for Dan as my witness, Scarlett O’Hara) My Mom: Here, have some beans. Me: I don’t like beans. Mom: You don’t like beans? Fin

Another TL;DR. Zozobra is ALWAYS after Labor Day. ALWAYS. A few years ago, gangbangers ruined Zozobra with a few crowd shootings. Signaled the start of Fiestas. Santa Fe moved Zozobra to Thursday. This year, Zozobra was moved to tonight. Fiestas are still next week. Waiting to post a big FU to Santa Fe next week.

I pulled something really bad Sean. Almost passed out and then was stuck on my back on the living room floor for an hour and a half cause I couldn’t get up and everyone was either asleep or at work. I entertained myself by posting on facebook.

I was wicked tired last night and in bed asleep by 930. Alarm went off at 5 because I forgot to turn it off. Hope your arm is feeling better Chief. I wouldn’t hazard a guess at what it is based on your description. Elevation above the level of your heart is good but hard to do except when you’re laying down which gets boring after a while.

Am I the only one who thinks the BBF today is actually kind of dishy? I mean, not conventionally, but she definitely has something cute going on with those curves and that smile.
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She seems like a lot of fun. I’m glad you agree.

Jimbro,
I have lost count of the times when I had a very Hostagey comeback and I had to bite my tongue before I could blurt it out. Especially at work.
It is easier at home. The Mrs is used to it now.
But once in a while, when I say something that is a sanitized version of a typical H2 comment, people look at me like I am Louis fucking CK.

I can push it at work Tushar but very carefully. There’s something about the medical field where you need humor to keep your sanity. If you dwell on human suffering for too long burnout is inevitable. It’s a fine line that needs to be self policed. I’ll occasionally get a rebuke and learn my lesson about that person’s limits. Some people don’t get it and get written up. We call those people ex-employees.

Jimbro, Doctors come in contact with a wider section of society and thus have very low level of intelligence expectations from people.
When the doc was explaining the procedures before my wife’s c-section, he mentioned the glucose drip.
I couldn’t resist and said,”so what do you put in that IV bottle for diabetics? Splenda? “.

***HOUSE ALERT***HOUSE ALERT***HOUSE ALERT***
Roamy is sitting down. This must be taken care of IMMEDIATELY. Deploy bullshit requests pronto. Ask where something is, declare you can’t find it when it’s right effing in front of you. If the phone rings, don’t answer it, make her get up to see who it is. If this continues, deploy sarcastic spouse to say, “What have you been doing all morning?”
***HOUSE ALERT***HOUSE ALERT***HOUSE ALERT***

If the phone rings, don’t answer it, make her get up to see who it is.

^^^This^^^ is why the TiFWs got a phone with 3 handsets – we’ve deployed them in strategic locations throughout the house. If I’m laying down on the couch, I just park one of the handsets on the coffee table within arms’ reach.

Sometimes, I forget to do that – of course, that’s when the phone rings off the hook (and nobody else is at home)