I'm a Pakistani-Canadian who blogs about sexuality in South Asia, religion & politics.
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Sunday, October 13, 2013

I know....everyone's writing about Malala these days........and I might have to repeat some things u may have already read.... In my usual, less eloquent manner of course...

Because I am shocked. Pakistan and Pakistanis never fail to surprise me. Yes, yes, I know.... who am I to have an opinion? Only a half-assed Pakistani that isn't Pakistani enough...because I live elsewhere and was raised elsewhere. Couldn't give a fuck Apologies, if my having an opinion on the motherland makes you uncomfortable.

The Pakistani mentality thats behind much of the turmoil in our country, couldn't have come forth in a more glaring manner. Malala brought it out in us. Thats, right.....A little girl of 15, shot in the head for wanting an education - brings out the callousness, spitefulness, hatred, jealousy, and maniacal conspiracy theorist in more Pakistanis than I'd care to acknowledge.

I can't seem to access this page on fb anymore, but last time i could it had received over 800 likes. I have no words.

I can't read what that says, but its horrific someone would take the time to make this. Hasn't she been through enough already? This is the height of insensitivity.

Disgusting really. Just another event indicative of how we'd rather live in denial than acknowledge the reality --that things are fucking SHIT in our country--. We cling to our false beliefs, can't possibly let that frail security blanket of comforting untruths unravel around us. Whatever would we do then? We'd have to readjust our understanding of the world *gasp*

Its so much easier to snuggle up with the misogyny and self-hate than to face it.

Now, I usually write about sexuality. And people of Malala's age shouldn't even be reading the filth I put up here. But today, I write about one specific part of the sex puzzle. Gender. Specifically, gender based hate, gender based discriminiation and gender based violence. Something we are pretty familiar with in Pakistan. Most days we don't even bat an eyelid. The day Malala got shot (because she was a female who dared to want an education), she happened to get noticed. It was a heart-wrenching tale....everybody noticed.

Some of us created alternate realities in our minds... to avoid having to acknowledge exactly how fucked up Pakistan has become. She was a CIA agent, and the shooting was a ploy. Just enough violence to get hurt, but not killed....so she could get the right amount of attention to drag Pakistan's name in the mud. Genius. Imagine how much they must have paid her to take a shot to the head? What a sell out.

There are the less extreme haters, that acknowledge she's a sweet girl, but are angered by the fact that she has become such a media whore. Obviously manipulated, scripted by the west, to portray a biased view of the 'land of the pure'. The media are vultures everywhere. And she is SIXTEEN. Cut her some slack. She was SHOT in the fucking face. She's trying to deal with it as best as she can. All she wants is for girls to have a right to education. Is that too much to ask?

Then there are those who say, if she really cared.... she wouldn't have left the country. What good is she to Pakistan while sitting in the West. Ummm... i might repeat myself here;

She was SHOT in the fucking face. I don't blame her for wanting to get away for a while. Self-preservation and all...perhaps if someone put a gun to your head you might feel acquainted with that concept.

And there are those who say, she's only fighting for education. We still have other problems in our country, and education won't make them go away. Yes, everyone can't fight everything simultaneously. But, can you be happy that for once we got put on the map for something/someone good? Or do we prefer being in the news for bomb blasts, sectarian violence, etc?

Of course there are other people worthy of the fame and Nobel nomination. Why does it have to be that if someone says something nice about someone - you take it as negating everything nice said about other people? Not everyone becomes famous. Thats just the way it is. Can't you be happy for those who have struck a chord with the world?

The very intolerant, bitter, spiteful nature of Pakistanis has been on display through social media. Its embarrassing how little empathy we have. We cannot be happy for a little girl who has captured hearts around the globe. Shame on us.

Move over Malala, and stop embarassing Pakistan - We can do that ourselves, thank you. :)

Its not about anyone's agenda. Everyone always has an agenda. Don't let that take away from the fact that what she is fighting for is huge. She 16, and she's doing way better than you or I could under the microscope.

She's a girl....from a country that displays misogyny on a daily basis. Her incident has just reminded the world...and we are not happy because we'd like them to forget.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I am a 27 year male and I have been reading your articles for a while and i must say that you are doing a great job. Hats of to you girl.

I have question. Does size of your penis matter in sex? Like if it is 4.5 inches (erect) and not thick. I would like to have a girls perspective. I will be glad if you answered my question.

An honest answer would be appreciated no matter how bitter the reality is.

Thanks in advance

Regards,

'Riaz'

------

Its a simple question, and a common one at that. But Riaz, I have to say I'm blown away by your email. Firstly, I can't help but feel like we are making history here. Its unprecedented - at least to my knowledge, the candidness with which I am approached time and time again. It gives me hope for the people of my motherland. It really does. Thank you for asking this question that probably a lot of men have on their minds, but not the courage to ask, or discuss.

I usually hear such heartfelt rawness from Pakistani women, because they are commonly the recipients of terrible sex and sexuality in our culture. Often misogynistic, often apathetic, mostly selfish on the other end...and that is why they are speaking out. They exist in a form of repressiveness that puts them on a weird pedestal of asexuality, purity....and invisibility. Women of Pakistan (at least the ones I know of) want to be heard. They want a voice. They no longer want to lie back and 'receive' 40 seconds of missionary as a duty to their husbands. They want to participate. And no, don't belittle it by saying we have 'larger problems' to worry about in our severely underdeveloped country. Sexuality is part of a much larger narrative, it can hold so much good and so much evil. These are very real issues that are a part of almost everyone's life. If you truly believe that sex is not on the minds of Pakistanis because of all the other turmoil, please explain the severe over population.

Within a gender segregated society like ours, its through people like you Riaz, that others will hear varying perspectives, that both men and women alike will hear the opposite side of the story. If we keep coming together as a community, albeit through a vehicle of anonymity such as a blog, nothing is going to stop us from having a sexual revolution of sorts.

I hope for a Pakistan where rape isn't forgivable, where marital rape is actually accepted as 'real'. Where children are no longer abused because of severe sexual frustration.... and where men and women can openly communicate with each other regarding their sexual relationships. I would love to see a Pakistan that is tolerant of minorities, and one that has something called 'gay rights'. I'm not exactly Martin Luther King, but I too can dream.

I know that this isn't directly relevant to what u emailed me about, but its so rare that I come across a pakistani male willing to make himself vulnerable by asking such honest questions and your email just set off the dreamer in me.

Back to the subject though, there is no simple answer to that question really. I think everyone has different preferences. For some size is really important. But let me just say this to all the gentlemen out there. Your technique is really what matters more than anything. You could have a giant cock and really suck in bed.

And i say this time and time again, most women do not orgasm from penetration alone. So make sure you have other tricks in your bag, no matter the size of your tool. If you feel like your lack of 'sizeage' if affecting your performance, make sure you're good with other body parts! Communication is key, Also look for non verbal cues, your partners face and body language during sex can tell you far more than their words will.

You hear stereotypes about penis size and race, I have to admit, I don't know what the bullshit cliche is for brown guys. Whatever it is, never listen to this crap. Humans are a very varied species. We come in all shapes and sizes. If you work on technique rather than just pumping in and out a few times, and you exude confidence because you know how to please your partner, I don't think your size will matter too much. :) Now, Im the furthest thing from religious, but i did stumble upon this online... and we all know everything on the interwebs is true, (even if it isnt - this does make sense);

can anyone confirm if this exists as an actual proverb?

Thank you again, for bringing up such an important question. [I will say this was a pretty 'hetero-centric' answer, for any gay gentlemen reading and wondering about the same question, I couldn't really tell you much.. but perhaps someone will share some thoughts on that in the comments. I have heard though, that penis size is of more importance in the gay community.... but like i said, I don't know much about that.]

Remember - we are all in this together (even though 'some' of us are considered less Pakistani than others), We - until recently have not discussed sexuality on a large scale like this. We never had a beast like the internet to get collective controversial thoughts on before. And its a very fragile thing right now, this relationship is only just emerging. If you believe that sexuality is something that Pakistanis need to be more informed about, please contribute, share, comment, tweet .... whatever you all have been doing to keep this blog going so far... please continue.....and do more of it! Especially men, offer support, start a discussion. I speak to you because I hear less from you.

Remember, every healthy society needs to have good lines of communication and good structures of support in place. If we repress natural human instincts such as sexuality, they manifest themselves in other, usually damaging, ways. Till next time.

About Me

I'm a Pakistani-Canadian illustrator/blogger who writes and draws about sexuality in South Asia (mostly Pakistan), religion, politics, feminism, godlessness.
Follow me on twitter @nicemangos
oh and you can find me on facebook now too! :) facebook.com/eiynah.nicemangos
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