Mainstream Media Trying to Pick Up Pieces After Trump Thrashing

ATLANTA – In mainstream media offices across the country, numerous so-called “journalists” were dealing with the after effects of the bolt of lightning known as the Trump press conference that hit them all yesterday. Damage was widespread.

At CNN: Jake Tapper, Wolf Blitzer and Don Lemon have started wearing rubber diapers because they pee themselves every time Donald Trump opens his mouth now. Reporter Jim Acosta is being evaluated for rabies after being seen foaming at the mouth following his smack down in front of the world yesterday.

At MSNBC: Rachel Maddow has been scared straight. The king of embellishment, Brian Williams, was filing paperwork to trademark the term “fake news.” Joy Reid said she doesn’t know how yet, but somehow, President Trump’s press conference was extremely racist.

At NBC: Chuck Todd shouted that nobody can make him tell the truth, then stormed off to his room and slammed the door. Skeletal Andrea Mitchell started a hunger strike to protest Trump (a different hunger strike from the one she’s been on for the past 40 years.)

At the New York Times: Paul Krugman, David Brock, Maureen Dowd, and Thomas Friedman all agreed that since #DayWithoutImmigrants crippled the nation this week – yeah right – that a #DayWithoutBiasedJournalists would certainly have far-reaching and detrimental effects on the entire country as well.

It remains to be seen if the media got the message from President Trump the other day, but it appears they’re instead intending to double down on arrogance, their strong suit.