Emotional Eating? 5 Reasons You Can’t Stop

Why are you eating? Knowing the answer can help you stop. Image: Flickr/pfig

Most people think emotional eating is due to lack of self-control. However, in my extensive work with eating disorders and disordered eating, I would say that is rarely the case. If emotional eating were a simple issue of discipline, we could easily find this discipline without torturing ourselves over meal plans, paying money for special diets, and constantly obsessing about who is eating what and when. And, of course, no eating disorders

What I have to say on this subject matter is not original, however sometimes a reiteration of the information can serve as a helpful reminder. Over and over again I see the following 5 things that contribute to emotional eating.

1. Unawareness

Emotional eating can be a direct result of not being conscious of what or why you’re eating. Therapists call this unconscious eating. Unconscious eating is when you’re done with your meal and you continue to pick at it, slowly eating the remaining portion that you intended to leave behind. It can also be putting peanuts or crackers or any other food in your mouth, just because it’s in front of you.

The solution? Try to remain mindful of what and when you are eating. I know it can be tedious to focus completely on your eating, especially at first! Try to start slowly and avoid self-judgment as you try out a new way of being. For more on mindful eating, see THIS article.

2. Food as Your Only Pleasure

I’ve often asked people what they would have to feel if they did not binge or overeat and the common answer is, “I would have nothing to look forward to.” And at the end of a long and hectic day, a big bowl of ice cream can be especially effective in temporarily soothing our exhausted, hard-working selves. Why? According to many sources (e.g. HERE), eating sugars and fats releases opioids in our brains. Opioids are the active ingredients in cocaine, heroin and many other narcotics. So the calming, soothing effects you feel when you eat ice cream and BBQ potato chips are real. And breaking these habits can be like kicking a drug habit.

The solution? Find other ways to reward and soothe yourself besides food (and other self-destructive behaviors.) Will these other ways be as effective at soothing you as food? Absolutely not! The things you come up with will help somewhat, But,. In order to truly give up emotional eating, you are also going to have to practice tolerating difficult feelings. Which leads us to #3.

3. Inability to Tolerate Difficult Feelings

In our culture, we learn from a young age to avoid things that feel bad. Unfortunately, the ways we have found to distract ourselves from difficult feelings are not always in our best interest. Without the ability to tolerate experiencing life’s inevitable yucky feelings, you’re susceptible to emotional eating.

The solution? Practice letting yourself experience difficult feelings. I know! Much easier said than done! I know you don’t like feeling mad, sad, rejected, and bored. And people often ask me, “What’s the point in feeling mad? It doesn’t change anything.” Well, it may not change the source of your anger, but it will prevent you from having to blunt your feelings with behaviors you’d like to stop – like eating.

4. Body Hate

It may sound counterintuitive, but it’s true: hating your body is one of the biggest factors in emotional eating. Negativity, shame and hatred rarely inspire people to make long-lasting great changes, especially when it comes to our bodies or our sense of self. Many people tell me they will stop hating their body after they reach their goal weight. I say you have to stop hating your body before you can stop the emotional eating cycle.

The solution? Unfortunately, this one is multi-layered, complicated and unique for each person. To truly make permanent progress in this area requires beyond what is possible for me speak about in a blog post. Sorry, friends!

5. Physiology

Letting yourself get too hungry or too tired is the best way to leave yourself vulnerable to emotional eating. When your body is hungry or tired, it not only sends strong messages to your brain that signal it to eat, but when we’re hungry and tired we’re not on our A game. This leaves us less equipped to fight off cravings or urges.

Solution? You guessed it! Get plenty of sleep and eat several small meals during the day. (I’m a genius, right?) I know you’re going to tell me that you don’t have time, but if your goal is to stop emotional eating, you’re going to have to make those two things a priority. There is no way around it.

Emotional eating is a powerful and effective way to find temporary relief from many of life’s challenges. If it didn’t work so well, no one would do it. In order to stop this cycle of emotional eating, you have to make a commitment to reach deep inside yourself to find a place of grit and strength and hopefully the above reminders can assist you in your journey.

Good question. Maybe because whoever's in charge of images and, if an additional consideration, generating enough public interest to justify ads sales evaluates others, much like the rest of the world, based on physical appearance. This woman, young, pretty, slim, is "right," "good," and therefore someone others would want to look at, making the article even more attractive--so whoever chose the image might subconsciously have thought.

You're dead right that given the subject matter and the nature of the site, it's an extremely counter-productive mindset, yet one that demonstrates the kind of pervasive, ubiquitous emotional stresses emotional eaters are chronically, nearly constantly, subject to.

I think it's obvious that you both have strong feelings about size as the photo was supposed to convey the feeling of the issue not represent every person that has it. I am an average size woman about 135lbs and I have struggled with compulsive eating since my teens. I think your own mindset is a little narrow and should consider the fact that the photo could have been of someone of any size, color or gender but whoever did choose it did a good job because it speaks to the guilt and shame and sadness that we all feel. No matter what size we are.

You ask us to open our minds, commenting that our mindsets are "a little narrow." If the photo could have been of someone of "any size, color or gender," as you assert, then it begs the questions why statistically such photos for such articles are of women of the chosen characteristics with a frequency that is far greater than would be expected by chance, assuming any characteristics could have been chosen. That humans of certain shared characteristics are chosen with exceptionally high frequency to represent a problem which in your own words "speaks to the guilt and shame and sadness that we all feel...[no] matter what size we are," suggests an inherent bias among those choosing images to accompany these articles. And the public is right to question such biases, as medical science increasingly uncovers how social biases skew understanding of complex populational phenomena and undermine health outcomes at both the individual health consumer level and the large scale public health level.

Yes, there are overeaters who aren't overweight, but that doesn't obviate the criticism. The frequency of overweight among compulsive eaters is far higher than that in the general population, so it's a valid question why this article's image portrays a minority visual representation for a serious and growing social and medical problem.

I agree. People who overeat tend to assume most over eaters are larger. This is not true. I am of average height and weight, and am very healthy and physically active. This does not mean I cannot eat an entire pizza in ten minutes; which I do. I don't look stressed as I am eating, but afterwards I feel the emotions that are portrayed in the picture. I have so much shame and self hate because of my disgusting appetite.

Right but then theres some other disordered behavior like bulimia in the picture

I agree. People who overeat tend to assume most over eaters are larger. This is not true. I am of average height and weight, and am very healthy and physically active. This does not mean I cannot eat an entire pizza in ten minutes; which I do. I don't look stressed as I am eating, but afterwards I feel the emotions that are portrayed in the picture. I have so much shame and self hate because of my disgusting appetite.

I'm 120 lbs and i'm a compulsive over-eater. I work out a lot and I must have a decent metabolism, but I have a lot of visceral fat that doesn't really show, so long as i suck in. There are plenty of "skinny fat" people or people who want to improve their health by eating less. Getting hung up on the chosen stock photo is pointless here.

I eat from the time I get up til I go to bed, sneak food into class, never feel satisfied, get feelings of needing to chew in my jaw, hate myself, my body and have had gastric sleeve so never hungry but am putting on weight was better when I smoked as it stopped the urge but got up to 40 a day. It is worse now than ever I really need help and don't know where to turn in the uk. Please will do anything even trials

I'm 51 and have had an addiction to food for as long as I can remember. Apparently I use to hide food behind the curtains when I was about 5, so my mother tells me. It disturbs me sometimes to think why I would do such a thing at such a young age!
I think about food all day, every day, and eat chocolate, sweets and rubbish every single day.
I often feel very sick, very ill, and my heart starts pounding which is probably due to to much sugar! I know that I am killing myself, but I can't seem to stop. I have 2 wonderful son's and 2 lovely grand children, so you would have thought that I would stop for them, but I don't. I wish I could speak to somebody who is going through the same as me.
My family would never know how I am feeling, or what I stuff when I am behind closed doors, because I hide it well.
I eat when I am happy, sad, bored, not bored, just whenever!

I too binge eat all the time and have since I was very young. Maybe we could chat through email or something. My email is leroux.ronald@yahoo.com. Hope to hear from you. Maybe we could help each other.

I have recieved several emails, basically we all have great reasons to live but don't stop eating junk constantly and it's slowly killing us. Please email me daniellhambrook@hotmail.com as we are going to try to talk to each other and explore helping each other as we have all been suffering alone for many years. Look forward to talking with you.

I am 57 and feel like you do. I can't turn to family or friends..they won't understand and say go to Dr. I don't want pills, maybe someone to just listen and understand. No one knows how much I eat after my family goes to bed. I've tried crafts, reading, even going to bed early, but nothing has worked.

Hi there...I too cannot seem to stop eating. I believe it is going to kill me but can't stop. I have beautiful twin daughters, who I want to live for, but still I can't stop. We should all talk together...start an on-line support group? If interested I am at thenewlifeofd@gmail.com

My eating is out of control, I hate myself but don't seem able to stop.
I wake up every morning with the best intentions but I very quickly fail and eat and eat and eat all day, I am NEVER full.
Does anyone live in the UK on this site? if so anyone from the manchester area I'd like to get some sort of support group going.

"The solution? Find other ways to reward and soothe yourself besides food (and other self-destructive behaviors.) Will these other ways be as effective at soothing you as food? Absolutely not!"

That brief excerpt summarizes the core problem to addiction and the reason so many therapies fail. The author points out that to overcome emotional eating one must practice tolerating difficult feelings. First, I don't know that it's even possible to survive through adulthood without consistently practicing tolerating difficult feelings. I suspect what the author means is one must increase one's tolerance of particularly hurtful/difficult feelings. And therein lies the great challenge. Most people are already at their limit dealing with life stresses and pain, and so are grasping at other coping tools that noticeably (to them, not to outside observers not experiencing the unique life struggles of the particular individuals) diminish their pain so they can get back to the grind of life. If Tai chi, meditation, mindfulness, or taking a walk don't work well enough as distracters/coping mechanisms for people, but food, in the moment, does, it's understandable that some would reach for food. People need a viable, effective alternative or they won't turn to the proposed alternative day in and day out.

Until someone finds a way to deal with chronic, insoluble, difficult feelings, addiction will persist, and to many the so-called solutions will remain ineffective--as evidenced by the prevalence of addictions, and of emotional eating in particular. I'm not trying to be negative, but if the proposed therapeutic interventions were in fact solutions, the problem wouldn't persist, or at the least it would become less and less prevalent.

"People need a viable, effective alternative or they won't turn to the proposed alternative day in and day out." You hit the nail on the head. So often I read that to stop emotional eating, I need to allow myself to feel my feelings. Believe me -- I feel them. For me, the eating is a chance to escape the pain for a short while. And here's the thing -- alternate pleasures exist but aren't easily accessible. I can be at my desk at work and pull out a candy bar and still work. I can't pull out a novel. I can't get a massage (if I can afford it -- another issue) or take a bubble bath. But I can eat chocolate. What I really need is a way to "escape" for a while that is cheap and easy to do almost any time or place. No articles on emotional eating ever seem to recognize that (1) often, people who emotionally eat don't need to learn to tolerate difficult feelings. They are frequently people who are struggling with deeply painful feelings long-term, and like any sane person would do, they are taking steps to feel better -- steps that, for some of us, actually work (briefly). (2) People turn to eating because it is a relatively cheap and easy pleasure. They need help (certainly I do) finding pleasures that can be EASILY substituted in the circumstances where they find themselves emotionally eating.

I feel I am an emotional eater because when my husband yells at me or swears because he can't find something or something goes wrong..then I grab something to eat. I am usually in the kitchen, so its real easy. Its always sugary soft and yummy. Or peanut-ery. Just biting into something relieves me of some of the tension. It brings my emotions and thoughts to a focal point. My center. It helps me to think of something else. A stronger more positive feeling. Yes I am about 30lbs overweight, but mostly due to inactivity.
Realizing this, I can't think of anything that will give me the same feeling and relief. And I cannot talk to him either, so forget that.
I am sure this inability is a result of hearing my dad yell at my brothers when I was younger. He would spank them, and it scared me. Sometimes I can just shake it off, but overall I can't accept my husband getting overly upset about some small things like spilling his coffee or not being able to find something. Thanks for letting me vent. :)

She had me on the first 4 items, but number 5 is way off base. If you honestly listen to people with eating disorders, you'll hear that they never eat because they are hungry! Most don't even know what physical hunger feels like, seriously! I mean that literally. Emotional eaters don't let themselves get too hungry. They have completely disconnected the act of eating from the physiological sensation of hunger. Eating constantly and divorcing food intake from hunger is the beating heart of our national eating disorder. Short term MINDFUL fasts can reaquiant you to what it means to really be hungry rather than just bored, angry, sad, lonely, tense, etc., all the other reasons that have taken over our eating habits.
I am not talking about days and days of water, I am talking about fasts lasting from 16 to 20 hours at a time, broken by a thoughtfully prepared and consciously enjoyed meal.

I don't agree that emotional eaters never get hungry (post dated 25th April 2014). Some emotional eaters do indeed get hungry. I can go all day without eating and frequently don't eat from when I go to bed to lunchtime the next day - which is quite a lengthy fast. However, this means my blood sugar drops, I get so hungry I will eat anything and it means I can't cope when I feel like crap. It means that if something upsets me, then I'm heading to KFC, rather than going for a chicken salad. It means that I reward myself with food at the end of the day, rather than having eaten balanced meals so that I'm not starving and can even begin to focus myself on anything else to manage those feelings other than eating.

There is nothing in the UK that doesn't costs thousands - I would attend therapy if I could. I've asked at my doctor and they just looked at me like I was a fat waste of space.

Hi, I understand what you're saying. I've been there - something upsets you or you're really stressed and you want to eat . But I'm wondering, if it's ok to ask, if you know these triggers happen, why don't you eat something earlier to stop your blood sugar from dropping? I've been battling this for nearly 60 years (I'm 63 and used to crave sugar when I was very young)but seem to have found an answer - see my post below but basically it's eating whole food and no junk/processed food, sugar, stimulants etc because it's the roller coaster ride of blood sugar highs and lows which drive the craving and binging. This regime does work and it is hard to switch over at first - but I find that a routine helps. I'm not hungry when I first get up as I've had a big bowl of porridge for supper so I have a big piece of watermelon first thing and that keeps me satisfied (it's more psychological than hunger). Then I'll have my 'breakfast' about 11 or 12 and that does satisfy me until dinner at 6. I think what you said about reward is important. I am vegan and so obviously don't eat meat, fish or dairy. You might say yuk, that sounds horrible - but, eg, I make tasty stirfrys with pepper,courgette, mushrooms etc and red kidney beans and brown rice which I flavour with fresh ginger and chilli. Or I make a super salad and flavour it with avocado, spring onions and beetroot or red lentil curry on a bed of veg. I really do enjoy my food. My daughter eats meat eg free-range chicken and she has the stirfrys etc but just adds her meat. She also makes a homemade tomato sauce to go with pasta etc. She can't go without 'desert' so makes delicious sugar free cakes, biscuits and flapjacks which she sweetens with banana and grated apple or dried fruit (love cranberries!)and coconut. These 'rewards' are delicious and filling because they contain a lot of fibre. After a good filling meal(loads of veg fills me up), if I want something sweet I will have a couple of flapjacks and they also fill you up - and this from someone who could eat packets and packets of biscuits in one sitting! Generally, though, I've got out of the habit of having desert - and the notion of habit is part of the problem, I think.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that food can still be tasty and enjoyable and be seen as something to look forward to.

I do find a routine of meals helps and I guess you have to find what works best for you. I can't do 'little and often' as that makes me want to eat all the time but my routine of fruit, 'breakfast', dinner and supper works for me. I realise that if you work (I'm retired now), it means more work with preparation/cooking/shopping etc but the meals I make take between 20 and 40 minutes tops, and if you know you're gong to be late, you could prep enough veg for 2 meals the day before. Anyway, I do hope that this helps. It might not be the answer for you but might give you a few ideas. Best of luck. Jackie

Hi, I understand what you're saying. I've been there - something upsets you or you're really stressed and you want to eat . But I'm wondering, if it's ok to ask, if you know these triggers happen, why don't you eat something earlier to stop your blood sugar from dropping? I've been battling this for nearly 60 years (I'm 63 and used to crave sugar when I was very young)but seem to have found an answer - see my post below but basically it's eating whole food and no junk/processed food, sugar, stimulants etc because it's the roller coaster ride of blood sugar highs and lows which drive the craving and binging. This regime does work and it is hard to switch over at first - but I find that a routine helps. I'm not hungry when I first get up as I've had a big bowl of porridge for supper so I have a big piece of watermelon first thing and that keeps me satisfied (it's more psychological than hunger). Then I'll have my 'breakfast' about 11 or 12 and that does satisfy me until dinner at 6. I think what you said about reward is important. I am vegan and so obviously don't eat meat, fish or dairy. You might say yuk, that sounds horrible - but, eg, I make tasty stirfrys with pepper,courgette, mushrooms etc and red kidney beans and brown rice which I flavour with fresh ginger and chilli. Or I make a super salad and flavour it with avocado, spring onions and beetroot or red lentil curry on a bed of veg. I really do enjoy my food. My daughter eats meat eg free-range chicken and she has the stirfrys etc but just adds her meat. She also makes a homemade tomato sauce to go with pasta etc. She can't go without 'desert' so makes delicious sugar free cakes, biscuits and flapjacks which she sweetens with banana and grated apple or dried fruit (love cranberries!)and coconut. These 'rewards' are delicious and filling because they contain a lot of fibre. After a good filling meal(loads of veg fills me up), if I want something sweet I will have a couple of flapjacks and they also fill you up - and this from someone who could eat packets and packets of biscuits in one sitting! Generally, though, I've got out of the habit of having desert - and the notion of habit is part of the problem, I think.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that food can still be tasty and enjoyable and be seen as something to look forward to.

I do find a routine of meals helps and I guess you have to find what works best for you. I can't do 'little and often' as that makes me want to eat all the time but my routine of fruit, 'breakfast', dinner and supper works for me. I realise that if you work (I'm retired now), it means more work with preparation/cooking/shopping etc but the meals I make take between 20 and 40 minutes tops, and if you know you're gong to be late, you could prep enough veg for 2 meals the day before. Anyway, I do hope that this helps. It might not be the answer for you but might give you a few ideas. Best of luck. Jackie

After about 60 years of food obsession, overeating, yo-yo dieting and deep unhappiness, I have at last discovered the secret. It's hard to achieve but if you can do it, it does work.
The answer is to eat pure, whole foods and no junk food, no processed food, no sugar and absolutely no stimulants (tea, coffee, cola, chocolate etc) and no alcohol. Sugar and caffeine etc play havoc with the blood sugar and so you get the cravings and can't stop yourself from binging.
Exercise if you can, get out in the fresh air and eat GOOD FOOD. Don't diet but get used to the new way of eating. If you can do it, you WILL feel better. It's hard at first but gets easier and you start to actually enjoy your food again. Your appetite will naturally adjust but this does take time. Good luck!

When it comes to emotional eating I knew I needed help. I tried dieting on my own, gyms, but none of that got to the root problem. My emotions ran my stomach and once I recognized that this was my problem I got help. I urge anyone struggling with any type of eating disorder to check out Dr. Julie's practice. http://thehealthyweighout.com

Your lack of solutions (or at least a link to helpful resources) on point four regarding body hate was disappointing. Sorry doesn't cut it. Write the blogpost or reference someone who has written about it.

That was disappointing, since it's the main thing I struggle with. I don't emotional eat as much as I used to thanks to a combination of being more emotionally expressive, philosophical about life, and reading A LOT on CBT techniques... and doing what I can to improve my lifestyle over the past 10-15 years (I'm nearly 40). But I still struggle and mostly just try to ignore how I feel about my body, not so much love it. Doesn't really solve the problem, though.

Also to note -- cocaine isn't an opioid. I'm pretty sure the author was confused with the fact that cocaine, food, cigarettes, and a host of other things both good and bad can lead to dopamine release in the brain; a lot of addictions are based on getting a dopamine fix. You can also get it from healthier things (exercise, creativity, productivity, "quests" to find/collect things, etc), but they require more effort and don't necessarily result in as much of a dopamine spike. So even if you try to substitute them for the unhealthy, quick fixes, you won't be as satisfied with them, at least not in the beginning. The lesser response coupled with the effort required (especially if you're tired at the end of the day and looking for something to make you feel better NOW) make it difficult to consistently choose them over the quick fixes. Especially in a society designed for instant gratification...

This article was brief,to the point and helpful in nature.Jackie above is right about the quality of food you choose,
just as important is the mind state when eating....As a yo-yo dieter it has taken me years to get this insight that it all starts from the head not the tummy.
If you can find "The No Diet,Diet" in your library,(&use the mindfulness techniques above):
these therapist illustrate in their book how ,by simply breaking daily 'non-food' habits, one can also modify the eating habits of a life time,best wishes on your journey....it is a life long one......

Opioids refer to drugs derived from the poppy plant or synthetic drugs that replicate the same effects (heroin, morphine, percocet, fentanyl, vicodin etc). Cocaine is not included in that category. I have literally no medical training dude come on now, do some fact checking.

I try so hard but always fail. I live alone and so find it difficult to cook by myself for myself. I am depressed and lonely so food is like a friend. It is hard to give up. I don't smoke or drink or do drugs so food is the only pleasure I have. I don't have any company outside of work cos my friends don't call or visit or invite me anywhere. I guess I don't really have any friends in reality. I am so alone all the time that I eat to feel better but it makes me feel worse.

Do what I do. Work 12 hours a day. Change jobs often. I'm stressed out but could care less about food. when I get bored shit less I change jobs. I have only met people thru changing. No other avenue has worked for me. I don't go to bars or meet people from online. I go to the gym everyday but meet no friends only men who would want to have sex or whatever. hell to the no. I have zero problem meeting men. I would only consider one with many things to contribute to my life. I'm so picky. I'm to tired surviving to be lonely. My work interactions are enough to keep me from being lonely. I'm exhausted after 12 hour shifts. Feels good to be able to go home and do nothing.

Changing jobs every year or two is a great way to meet people and occupy your mind and feel stimulated. Work as many hours as possible. In a fast paced environment. I went from divorced and pudgy woman. To having my dance card full. I rarely think about food. This worked for me.