Think about this situation… you created a presentation for a meeting. During the meeting some of the other people question you in what seems like an attacking way. After the meeting you think about, what could you have said? What should you have presented? Maybe you do not know the subject as much as you think you did? What should you have said to them in the moment? You go home, and along your drive you are still thinking about it. You try and forget it so that you can watch a show with loved ones, or eat dinner with your family, but you are still thinking about it. You go to bed, but you are still thinking about it. This, is rumination. Rumination is any situation where you replay an event repeatedly in your mind, mulling it over and over.

We also were recently at the United State of Women Summit in Los Angeles conducting some live data analytics, learning and sharing live data about how women felt and behaved across various gaps that exist: the confidence gap, the wellbeing gap, and their relationship to money. One of the areas where we found the most disempowering behaviors and mindsets was that of being solution-focused —the ability to move past a challenging situation with a mind to solving the situation and moving forward, rather than mulling over it, and thinking about what they could have or should have done differently. These insights support findings that adult women tend to ruminate more than men, further confirming the importance of this topic.

The impact of rumination

People that tend to ruminate can experience many negative effects. Research from Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D, a psychologist and professor at Yale University, found that “when people ruminate while they are in a depressed mood, they remember more negative things that happened to them in the past, they interpret situations in their current lives more negatively, and they are more hopeless about the future.” It can also increase binge-eating or binge-drinking in an effort to forget their ruminations.

For example, think about when you send an email and get a less than desirable response. Think about the time you spend thinking what you could have done, or should have done, over and over again. All these minutes take away from other more productive tasks. Because rather than using the reflective time to think about how you can implement learnings from the moment and then moving on to other matters, you are wondering about all the what if’s, coulda’s, woulda’s, and shoulda’s. It could very well be the way in which you wrote the email that evoked a certain response — after all, everyone responds to different communication styles.

There are a few tools and techniques that people can try to help them break through rumination. However, it is a good idea to remember that is not a one-time fix. As with anything to do with transforming mindsets and behaviors, it takes time to engage these new patterns of thought, so that they are a more automatic response. And of course, if you find that you are really cycling in these thoughts, unable to improve, then it is a good idea to consider if you need some professional help to guide and support you work through it.

If you find yourself thinking over and over again about a situation you can try:

Finding a positive distraction. Something that makes you feel good and absorbs you. Something that you really enjoy, or energizes you, so that your mind is focused on that activity and you get swept away in that instead of your ruminations.

Focusing on something bigger than yourself. Thinking about other problems and issues that people are experiencing, so that you bring context to your current situation. Even taking it one step further and spending some time helping others can help evoke more positive feelings.

Challenging the validity of your negative thoughts. Rethinking your situation by looking at it from the perspective of what others’ intentions or needs might have been, how you may be interpreting events, and whether the thoughts you are having are truly accurate. This process of rethinking can work to adjust your emotional reaction.

The more you implement strategies to work against your ruminations, the more you will learn to leave negative, unwarranted worries behind. After all, thinking about the situation, processing it, learning from it, and moving on is a far happier and productive place to be.

Sarah Deane is the Founder of EffectUX, the creator of The Leadership Quotient and, most recently, of EMQ -- a research-based system that rapidly and accurately pinpoints de-energizing behaviors and transforms them into positively energizing habits. Sarah uses her background in A.I., experience design, and human behavior to help brands deliver positive customer and employee experiences and to cultivate positively energizing behaviors, enabling higher levels of satisfaction, engagement and productivity.

Sarah holds a Masters of Engineering in Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence. As a writer and speaker, she published her User Experience primer in 2014, The Wellness Formula in 2018, had her methodology featured in IDC’s Peerscape for industry best practices and is the recipient of the 2018 Human Resources Today MVP Awards in the Leadership Development, Analytics and "What's Next in HR" categories. Sarah has been featured at conferences and events such as SXSW, America’s Women Leadership Conference, The Global Workplace Wellness Summit, and Executive Presence for Women at Stanford, as well as platforms such as the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, Business2Community and more.

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

“People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.”