No-smoking rule for teen should be backed by consequences

Nov. 3, 2012

Dear Gary: I have a question/problem that concerns my 16-year-old stepdaughter and her smoking habit. She is with us every other weekend and for part of the summer. My stepdaughter has few rules at her motherís home. No one in our home smokes until my stepdaughter comes over and insists that she should be allowed to. Besides despising smoking, my husband and I have a newborn son, and we do not want to expose him to secondhand smoke. We donít want her to smoke anywhere on our property, so having her just smoke outside will not work. Her clothes and hair smell like smoke and she brings it in the house and then wants to hold the baby. My husband has talked with his ex-wife, and she has not been willing to help and does not believe that this should be a big deal. Iím interested in any advice you can give.

ó Anti-smoking step-mother

in Loveland

Dear Anti-smoking Step Mother: This situation is made worse by the fact that your stepdaughterís mother is setting a poor example and not supporting your wish to have her daughter not smoke in your home. If you havenít already, you and your husband should have a conversation with your stepdaughter that focuses on how smoking can compromise her health and ultimately could lead to cancer. Make it clear to her that your infant son could develop respiratory problems as a result of her secondhand smoke. The bottom line is that you have clearly set the boundaries at your home and if she violates them, then more drastic measures need to be taken, including consequences. I would not try to take away her cigarettes. She needs to do this voluntarily for the right reasons. Grounding her or taking away something as important as her cell phone might be appropriate. You and your husband know her best and consequences should be specific to each teen. If your stepdaughter acknowledges that she is addicted to cigarettes, then offer to have her see your family doctor to get her on a plan that will help her break the habit. If your stepdaughter will not stop smoking in your home, then contact between her and her father will have to take place at another location.