Newlywed's world caves in when truth comes out

By Abby

Published 4:40 pm, Monday, July 17, 2017

Dear Abby:

I dated the perfect man for two years. When he asked me to marry him, I had to say yes. He was kind, gentle, attentive, easygoing, full of dreams, great sense of humor, an excellent provider and sexually the best.

Three months after our perfect wedding, it all began to unravel. I learned he is bipolar with manic episodes. He has been married three times before and always lost interest in sex. He says he may be attracted to men, then tells me he's not sure. He also isn't as good handling his financial affairs as he led me to believe.

I'm 58, and he's 59. How could I not have had a clue about any of this? I sold my house to move into the parsonage with him. I feel tired and broken - no income, no home, no respect and no hope of him getting it together. I would appreciate any advice. All I have figured out is to start over and remain single as he is my third husband.

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Dear T.T.A.:

You will feel less tired and broken after you have consulted a lawyer about getting out of this fraudulent marriage. While you're at it, you and your lawyer should bring this to the attention of the church council or whoever holds the lease on that parsonage. I am sure they will be very interested in what you have to say about the leader of their flock.

Dear Abby:

When I started dating my husband, "Ralph," 22 years ago, I made it clear I would never move to his hometown, which is six hours away. Even though it may seem selfish, my wish was to be near my family. Our relationship progressed anyway. We've been married for 15 years, live in my hometown and have three little boys.

Ralph is 42, homesick and wants us to move to be around his parents because he's lived around mine for 15 years. I told him I wasn't moving. His response was, "So you were worth moving for, but I'm not?"

I wish he had been true to himself before deciding to marry me. I think it's a bit late to be playing this game. I'd like your thoughts, and please give it to me straight.

Staying Put

Dear Staying:

I think your husband has a valid point. Marriage is supposed to be about compromise, and for the past 15 years he has lived in your community.

You owe it to Ralph to give it a try. Perhaps you and your family could rent out the home you're living in and rent a place in his hometown for a year. That way, if you can't adjust, you would be able to move back near your own family, which appears to be your first priority.