Over the course of high school, I observed something, which, for lack of a better name (and lack of knowing if it already has one), I am calling "Balin's Paradox." This paradox could also apply after high school, and possibly a short time before it as well. What is the paradox?

Well the obvious one would be that all through high school your teachers tell you that you are learning things that will help you in life, yet when you graduate you soon realize you only really use about 2% of what you spent 4 years learning.

But the solution isn't going to likely be this, so...does the paradox concern academic studies? A specific area of study? A certain skill?

Has it got anything to do with: freshmen? sophomores? juniors? seniors? It could apply to all of these, but...teachers? ...not this. And an FA.

Could it apply to males and females equally? Well, I observed this with males (well, mainly one male, by which I mean me), but females are extremely relevant to the paradox. And I suppose the reverse could be true for females, though I'd think it would be less likely.

Well the obvious one would be that all through high school your teachers tell you that you are learning things that will help you in life, yet when you graduate you soon realize you only really use about 2% of what you spent 4 years learning. Not this, although that's certainly true.

But the solution isn't going to likely be this, so...does the paradox concern academic studies? No A specific area of study? No A certain skill? Noish, svv of "skill"

Does it have to do with flirting? Yope Being in love? Yes Relationships? Yes Making jokes about the other sex? No Telling crude/exaggerated stories about being with someone of the other sex in some way? No

Anything to do with freshmen wanting to date seniors? so that one's best time to date is right as one is getting to leave the school? while the freshmen themselves are also in a bad position, as many were torn out of their previous relationships in middle school and now get the least attention of anyone in their school?

Anything to do with freshmen wanting to date seniors? so that one's best time to date is right as one is getting to leave the school? while the freshmen themselves are also in a bad position, as many were torn out of their previous relationships in middle school and now get the least attention of anyone in their school? None of this, and I didn't see as much of this in high school. Good guess though.

EARLY RECAP: This paradox, which I observed as applying to males, involves relationships, but does not involve freshmen wanting to date seniors. I observed this throughout high school, and the paradox is likely most evident throughout the teenage years.

HINT: I first noticed the paradox in retrospect of my high school years.

Stating that the guys don't want to marry or stay forever with their girlfriends? That the guys say that to each other when their girlfriends aren't around but when their girlfriends are around, they tell them how much they love them time and again?

Stating that the guys don't want to marry or stay forever with their girlfriends? No, although this may very well (sadly) be true.That the guys say that to each other when their girlfriends aren't around but when their girlfriends are around, they tell them how much they love them time and again? Not this

Relevant: how relationships start? How they end? Why they end? How long they last? How many one person has? Who they are in a relationship with? Who they are interested in? Popularity relevant? Looks? Stereotypes? Sex? Age? relationships across schools relevant? Across classes? Within classes?

Relevant: how relationships start? Yesish How they end? No Why they end? No How long they last? No How many one person has? Yes (tiny ish) Who they are in a relationship with? Yes, assuming "they" is the girls Who they are interested in? Definitely, assuming "they" is the girls Popularity relevant? Noish Looks? Stereotypes? Sex? Age? No to rest relationships across schools relevant? Across classes? Within classes? The paradox can apply through all of these

Does the paradox apply especially to girls? To guys? Or both? Girls hooking up with guys who are jerks and then complaining about them being jerks relevant? Or staying with them, while complaining? Or claiming they find one thing attractive, while actually going for something else in reality?

Does the paradox apply especially to girls? To guys? Mainly to guys, but girls are involved Or both? Girls hooking up with guys who are jerks and then complaining about them being jerks relevant? No, but... Or staying with them, while complaining? No, but... Or claiming they find one thing attractive, while actually going for something else in reality? Yopish - these are all OTRT

The expectations involved with dating? Thinking that the purpose of dating is to find your future spouse? Or...thinking that the purpose of dating is to "weed out" people who are unsuitable as a future spouse (I suppose this would be somewhat of a paradox)?

The expectations involved with dating? NoishThinking that the purpose of dating is to find your future spouse? Yope, OTRT Or...thinking that the purpose of dating is to "weed out" people who are unsuitable as a future spouse (I suppose this would be somewhat of a paradox)? Yope, OTRT

How about the total disconnect between dating and marriage, Yes... that guys wouldn't marry the kind of girl they would date, ...not this... or the other way around? ...but exactly this. I still am looking for a specific detail though before I $poyle.

So guys are willing to, or desire to, date one (or more) certain kind(s) of girl, but eventually the kinds of girls they marry aren't at all like the ones they dated? Yes, but the other way round - it's about the kind of guys that girls are willing to date. And I'm looking for something more specific than this - as a HINT: focus more on the dating aspect, and what a girl might say if she doesn't want to date a certain guy.

Or...guys marry girls who are "just like mom", but don't date this kind of girl when they're in school? No - see above

Guys are more superficial (focus on physical appearance) when they are school age and dating, yet focus more on emotional connections when they are older and seeking to get married? No, and you've still got the genders switched.

Is the phrase "It's not you, it's me" related? No, but we are looking for a phrase.

RECAP: The paradox involves something girls say to guys who they do not want to date, but sometimes want to be just friends with (though that's not really relevant). The statement, in a way, involves marriage.

Ah, maybe it's that guys think dating is "just for fun", while girls think it's "for finding a future husband"? See next answer, but this second statement is SO CLOSE to the actual statement... Or the other way around? Yes...

So it's guys who think dating is for finding a girl that they can marry, Well, some guys do, and that's what the paradox is about.... but girls "just want to have fun"? At least a good majority do in high school, according to my experience.

Would the phrase be something like 'you're too good for me, I wish I could fall for you'? or even 'I would just make you unhappy'? while they're at the same time complaining about 'bad boys' they're dating?

Just a shot in the dark, from a female point of view. A female POV would definitely clear things up a bit....

Would the phrase be something like 'you're too good for me, I wish I could fall for you'? Very close.... or even 'I would just make you unhappy'? Not this while they're at the same time complaining about 'bad boys' they're dating? Well, the girls who say this typically are dating "bad boys," but whether they're complaining about them is irrelevant.

does the phrase use the word "me"? No "You wouldn't want to marry someone like me"? No Although dating in high school rarely leads to marriage anyway, which makes the argument paradoxical? True, but that's not the paradox.

so the guy is going out with a lot of girls, all of whom say it? No, the opposite... So in other words, he's potentially unfaithful which would NOT make him a good husband? ...but this is the right idea, so...

**********SPOILER**********

Over my high school years, quite a few girls said to me, "You'll make a great husband someday," but to this day, I have never been on a date. Contrasting that with the guys who dated a ton of girls, I came up with the paradox:

"The more girls tell a guy that he'll make a great husband someday (but refuse to date him), the less chance he has of becoming one."

Thinking about this, however, the paradox may be more of a bell curve than a straight-up inverse. But the general idea still remains.

Excellent job, everyone, especially all of you who asked questions (Ixoye, Galfisk, Eli, Woodworm, Kaylee, Potato), and Gregoryuconn, who got the final bit.

Awww, Balin! I have had exactly two boyfriends, one who I broke up with because he was an immature pain in the you know where (I'd been set up with him by our high school's self-appointed 'matchmaker' because the boy I actually /wanted/ to date had a girlfriend, and my boyfriend had a string of admirers, who all eventually called me 'Hey, Ramon's girlfriend'...grr...) and he encouraged it.

My second boyfriend was the son of our college's dance teacher and we had PE together. he was nice enough, but he decided he didn't like kissing me and then he broke up with me, telling me I had 'no right to be upset'. I was barely 20 and now, five years later, I haven't had a date since.

Although admittedly, the problem may be partially my fault. I have a real fear of rejection, so I never even asked anyone out until about a week or so ago (I got turned down...drat). Although there were a few girls in high school whom I liked, but wouldn't say anything to because of that fear. Not like it mattered - they figured out how I felt and gave me the "I just want to be friends" talk, which I can probably recite in my sleep now. Oh well, in time....

UPDATE: The two guys I've mentioned this to agree with it, while the two girls whom I have discussed this with disagree. So I'm thinking the paradox may only apply through high school, but only time will tell....

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