Marriage license proves hard to come by for couple in New Haven

Randall Beach, Register Staff

Published 12:00 am, Saturday, April 17, 2010

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Sarah Ruden, Resident Scholar at the Yale Divinity School, and Thomas Conroy, Assistant Public Defender in Meriden CT, stand in the Office of Vital Statistics in New Haven City Hall after being refused a marriage license because Sarah as a Quaker couldn't swear an oath on the Bible. VM Williams 04.16.10 less

Sarah Ruden, Resident Scholar at the Yale Divinity School, and Thomas Conroy, Assistant Public Defender in Meriden CT, stand in the Office of Vital Statistics in New Haven City Hall after being refused a ... more

Marriage license proves hard to come by for couple in New Haven

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NEW HAVEN -- Sarah Ruden and Thomas Conroy thought it would be a simple matter to go to City Hall Friday afternoon and obtain a marriage license.

But when Ruden, a Quaker, refused to raise her hand or say "so help me God" in order to receive the document, an employee for the Office of Vital Statistics reportedly told her she couldn't get married.

Ruden, a visiting scholar at the Yale Divinity School, and Conroy, an assistant public defender at Superior Court in Meriden, told the clerk she was mistaken. They said state law does not require an individual applying for a marriage license to raise his or her hand.

But it took the couple more than 2 1/2 hours, during which they called the office of state Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, visited Mayor John DeStefano Jr.'s office and made a copy of the relevant state statute at the Superior Court law library, to finally get that license.

Their Kafkaesque struggle began at 2 p.m. when they arrived at the Office of Vital Statistics and informed a clerk they wanted a license in order to be married May 30 in the chapel at Yale Divinity School.

"She kept demanding that I raise my hand," Ruden said. "I tried to explain again and again that if I did that, it would be an oath. Quakers do not swear oaths."

Ruden added, "Putting my hand up means I'm invoking God, which is something I will not do."

She tried to explain to the clerk the difference, under state law, between an oath and an affirmation. Ruden has no objection to using an affirmation.

The statute she subsequently copied at the law library states an affirmation may be used when a person "required to take an oath, from scruples of conscience, declines to take it in the usual form." In such cases, "a solemn affirmation may be administered" without using the word "swear" or the phrase "so help you God."

But during their encounter with the clerk, Conroy recalled, "She told us we weren't going to get our license. She said the Quakers could marry us."

Conroy, 55, of Hamden, said during the long wait, "Sarah has strong religious-based feelings and I can't believe the state of Connecticut won't allow us to get married because of her religious convictions."

He added, "It seems silly and bureaucratic."

Ruden, originally from Ohio, said, "I'm 47 and I've never had a problem with an affirmation. There have been plenty of things, like getting a driver's license in Ohio. States' statutes are meant to protect people like me from doing something we think is blasphemous."

Ruden was shocked the city workers had never encountered such a situation and "don't understand the difference between an oath and an affirmation."

The couple asked to see a supervisor, but they were kept waiting for two hours or longer. They said when they went upstairs to DeStefano's office, a secretary called the Vital Statistics Office, but was unable to move the process forward.

Then the couple tried Blumenthal's office, but according to Ruden, "They said they couldn't help us."

DeStefano spokeswoman Jessica Mayorga said later that after a supervisor was alerted and contacted the secretary of the state's office, "It got straightened out."

When Blumenthal was reached for comment, he said, "I'll look into it to find out why she was temporarily barred from affirming, and who she may have talked to in my office."

When Vital Statistics Director Renee Coppola called Ruden and Conroy to the processing window just before 4:30 p.m., Coppola used the phrase "you affirm," but then asked, "'So help me, God' -- you can't say that part?"

Ruden replied she could not.

"This is new for us," Coppola told her. "This has never happened before."

She then asked, "Do you affirm that all the information is true, to the best of your ability?"

When Ruden said she did, Coppola prepared the paperwork. At 4:35, a clerk called out, "Here's your license. You're all set."

"It was worth it," Conroy said. "Let's hope the next Quaker has an easier time."