An appreciation of 2017’s in-game shopkeepers

It’s easy to imagine Kilton soaring through the skies of Hyrule in his patchwork hot-air balloon, whipping over fields and grazing mountaintops, surrounded by bundles of monster parts and masks. It’s easy to imagine, but we never actually see this — instead, Hyrule’s favorite five-head is always nearby (as long as it’s nighttime), ready to sell you a stockpile of exclusive clothing and accessories. You just have to find him first.

Crazy Cap clerks, Super Mario Odyssey

In a game all about hats, the Crazy Cap store does not disappoint. One of its most charming locations is in Tostarena, where friendly, bright skeletons stand by wearing caps on caps on caps while you browse their headwear.

All of the merchants, Splatoon 2

Nintendo does “charming” extremely well, as demonstrated by every one of the sea-creature shopkeepers in Splatoon 2. There’s Murch the emo sea urchin, Bisk the sneaker-obsessed spider crab, Flo the bohemian sea slug and her shrimp buddy Craymond, Jelfonzo the stylish jellyfish, and Sheldon the horseshoe crab and weapons expert. And then there’s Crusty Sean — he’s a food-truck operator who is, in fact, a giant tempura-crusted shrimp. It’s either irreverently adorable or incredibly morbid, but since this is Nintendo, we’ll go with the latter.

Porkrind, Cuphead

“Welcome,” Porkrind growls as you enter the Emporium. His voice is gruff and he has an eye patch over a twirled villain’s mustache. However, any danger in his demeanor is dispelled by his pink upturned nose and floppy ears — it’s hard to be scared by a pig in overalls. Cuphead is a feat of visual delight, and Porkrind fits into this retro world brilliantly, evoking the image of Porky Pig every time he waves goodbye and the screen circles to black.

Tae Takemi, Persona 5

Takemi is a punk-rock doctor on a mission to clear her name — she’s direct, intuitive and entirely badass. Fortunately for players worldwide, Persona 5 is a ridiculously dense game and we get to know Takemi better than shopkeepers in many other games, as she’s an important player in the overall story. Besides, who doesn’t love an in-game merchant that you can eventually, well, love (even if she is a few years older than the protagonist)?

Also, shoutout to another Persona 5 shopkeeper: Munehisa Iwai, the former Yakuza member with a heart of gold.

Emil, NieR: Automata

The only thing better than a shopkeeper you can love is one you can fight. Emil is an established and important character in the Nier anthology, and this time around his giant, grinning, bald head is attached to an item cart. Or it could be one of his clones (he used to be a boy, mind). Either way, Emil the shop(keeper) isn’t just a hub for all of your Android accessories — you’re able to battle him in an epic secret ending.

Baknamy merchant, Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age

This one is an oldie but a goodie. The 2006 title Final Fantasy XII reappeared this year in high-definition with The Zodiac Age, and it brought the Necrohol of Nabudis’ secret merchant along for the ride. This Baknamy shopkeeper is tough to track down, which only makes buying his goods all the more sweet.

Xur, Destiny 2

Xur is the Destiny universe’s fickle exotic-gear dealer, showing up on the weekends to stuff your inventory with random, rare goodies. Xur is something that couldn’t have existed in a game before internet connectivity — he’s a living shopkeeper, always offering new secret items and popping up only when he sees fit.