Jacob Clifton

This weekend on the tube we've got tragic ballerinas, Kid Presidents, clones having babies, British aristocrats, French revolutionaries, and Oprah's serving up both Lionel Richie and Sheila E. Read on for your guide to this weekend's entertainment.

FRIDAY

At 8/7c. there's the third-season finale hour of Betty White's Off Their Rockers and I guess you could also watch the episode of Dog With A Blog about food trucks. Both blogs and food trucks are going to be huge one of these days, so it's best to get onboard with that now. (Dogs, though. On their way out imminently, I'm sure of it. Even the cute little ones. Even the genius ones.) Then at 10/9c. you've got the penultimate Continuum on Syfy, a new Crossbones on NBC, or a special on Tanaquil La Clercq, the tragic ballerina who was Balanchine's wife but that is not the only thing about her. Then at midnight, another two Half Hours on Comedy Central.

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SATURDAY

At 7/6c. Youtube star Kid President premieres his show on The Hub. I like America and I really like that kid. I have no real concept of what will happen on his show, but I bet it will be fun. There's a new My Cat From Hell at 8/7c., opposite a Lifetime movie called Stolen From The Womb that probably has a happy ending, but likely a very upsetting first act. (Tom Cruise rappels down through the surgical theater, upside down. Into a womb.) Then at 9/8c. basically what you have is Orphan Black—no excuses—followed by the double-episode premiere of Almost Royal on BBC America, which is less annoying than it looks, or Life With La Toya on OWN, which features a mysterious proposal.

SUNDAY

At 7/6c. Fox completes the run of Enlisted—and good on them for sticking with it—or you can start early on Wipeout's family edition with a two-hour premiere on ABC.

At 9/8c. you have two kinds of premieres mainly. There are the seemingly interesting ones that you might leave on your DVR forever anyway—TNT's Last Ship, BBCA's Musketeers—and the ones you won't tell anybody you watched—Rising Star on ABC, and of course True Blood. Failing those, Nurse Jackie just got really good and Californication may well have too; there's lso a truly exciting Oprah: Where Are They Now? about Scott Hamilton and quote "legendary singer-drummer Sheila E." (No offense Sheila E! "Legendary singer-drummer" is a fucking fantastic—one might even say "glamorous"—life to lead.)

At 10/9c., TNT follows up its postapocalyptic submarine show with postapocalyptic firefighter show Falling Skies, now beginning its fourth season, while Oprah's Master Class continues the OWN excitement with a talk by Lionel Richie. (Pay attention! You can always make your giant Lionel Richie head sculptures afterwards, during John Oliver at 11/10c.) But me, I'll be watching Penny Dreadful lying down, as I do every Sunday, in the hopes it will more easily invade my dreams.