Olympic Athletes Are Training Hard, And By Training We Mean Banging Everyone In Sight

With the 2012 Summer Olympics a week away, we’re incredibly thankful to have something so important to take our minds off of the St. Louis Cardinals sucking the annual summer lull. While the biggest Olympics news so far has been the opening of the world’s largest McDonald’s at London’s Olympic Park and the company’s subsequent monopoly on French fries, we finally got some juicy details from the athletes’ village earlier this week when U.S. Women’s Soccer goalie Hope Solo revealed that errbody is getting freaky in London.

I pray to everything sacred that my precious Alex Morgan is behaving herself.

‘There’s a lot of sex going on at the Olympics.

‘I’ve seen people having sex out in the open, getting down and dirty on grass between buildings.’

She added: ‘I may have snuck a celebrity into my Beijing room without anybody knowing and snuck him back out. But that’s my Olympic secret.’ (Via the Daily Mail)

It’s not really a secret, because she revealed that she was hanging out with Vince Vaughn and some other celebrities and they all went back to the U.S. dorms (or whatever they’re called over there, flats maybe) despite the oh-so-serious rules and curfews that the athletes must obey – wank, wank. But since the entire world knows that all of these teenage and 20-something athletes are going to party, the fine people at Durex have sent over 150,000 condoms to be dispersed amongst the 10,000+ athletes.

That’s roughly 15 condoms per athlete for 17 days of action. That means that some of those female athletes are coming home +1, if you know what I mean. I mean they’ll be pregnant. Especially if they’re American teenagers.

I remember the last Olympics, With Leather had a post about all the sex going on at the Olympics. I then got the great idea (I was drunk) that somebody like me with marginal athletic ability could make an Olympic team in bullshit Pistol Shooting or something and decided I would be going to London XXX to go slay all kinds of international pussy from the sheer fact that I’m an American Olympian. I told all my friends (all drunk and stoned) and it was decided by 2012 we would be on an Olympic team.

Instead, I pissed away the last 4 years in grad school and I’ll be buying my queer USA beret from China like everyone else.