As 2013 starts up her engines, we begin to see a familiar
and old expression everywhere.“Out with
the old and in with the new!”I am
focusing on ‘Peace” for 2013.A variety
of similar themes seem to be what others are focusing on as well.After seeing the “Out with the old…”
expression again I was struck by a thought.It left a mark, too.

When simplifying, organizing, and decluttering our lives why
do we think we must always throw out the old to make room for the new?Sure, in some cases, the old does need to be
thrown out.It can be a very good thing,
I understand.Throwing out old habits
that aren’t good for you (exercising instead of watching television, chewing
gum instead of smoking, letting go of toxic people to make room for new,
healthy friends, etc).But a lot of
‘old’ is awesome!Perhaps it’s a
reflection of my age (I don’t want to be ‘out’ just because I’m old) but I’m
thinking that a lot of the old we have in our lives is in fact ‘old’ because it
has weathered the test of time and should remain.

Old Clothes –
they are a comfort to me, fitting so easily, and at times bringing back good
memories of the fun I had while wearing them.‘Fits like an old shoe’ is an apt expression.I may not wear these out and about, but they
do sure enhance the experience of returning to my sanctuary for peace and
respite.

Old (good) Habits/Traditions
– the changes I incorporated in my life in previous years that helped propel me
to the place at which I now am.I
certainly don’t want to throw these out.Who would want to do that work again?Those things that have become a part of ‘who we are’ must be savored and
kept as well.They help ground us as a
family, as friends.

Old Mementos – my
personal collection of memorabilia that brings a smile to my face and warm
fuzzy feelings to my heart – from which I will not be parted.

Old Friends – are
the best!Old friends know me so well,
are in tune with me, and me with them.Not only can I make wonderful new memories with them, but they were there
when the old memories were created and enjoy reliving them with me.As we were taught in Girl Scouts ‘Make new
friends, but keep the old; one is silver but the other GOLD”.

So, as I work on my goal of Peace in 2013, I will be sure to
keep these cherished ‘olds’ a part of it; for while “Out with the old, in with
the new” is a popular idea, I think it is best to remember:

“To
select well among old things, is almost equal to
inventing new ones.”

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Our homeschooling
isn’t the only thing that will be getting an overhaul for 2013.

In 2012 our homeschooling life, our life in general really,
was a mad dash from one thing to the next.I was involved in a Homeschool Co-Op, in a leadership position, that
took considerable time and effort.Punky
was involved in 4H, art classes, tennis, swim team, acting classes,
performances, classes at the library and the local museum as well as ‘easy’
things such as Park Day.We were
B-U-S-Y.It became too much for both of
us, really.

I realized that I had reached an age where I didn’t need or
want to be on the GO-GO-GO, nor could I mentally handle it the way I did when I
was in my 20s and 30s.Punky, thank God,
has enough of her father’s personality that while she’s a social extrovert
(like me), she also enjoys her alone, ‘down’ time as much as her busy, go-go
time.It was time to ‘let go’ of a lot
of activities and commitments and so instead of making New Year’s resolutions,
I embraced a theme for the New Year.Simplify.That was my 2012
resolution.In many ways, I was
successful.I let the Home School Co-Op
go, which was a huge weight off of me.In our homeschooling life, we gave up the things that weren’t furthering
our objectives or that Punky no longer truly enjoyed.We withdrew from art class, acting class that
she had outgrown, tennis, swim team, and the classes at the local museum.We don’t make every Park Day anymore either.

True, we picked up a few new activities, but only ones that
truly met with Punky’s ambitions.Our 'schooling' life (outside of instructional lessons) revolves around all the things needed to further
Punky’s life goal of being an actress on Broadway.She takes voice now and will begin dance in January.She began auditioning for the local theatres
and was involved in three shows (which takes up a LOT
of time).These things, while they can
be exhausting, are thrilling and purposeful and neither Punky nor I have
developed any resentment or dread over shuttling here and there for these
opportunities.I think that makes all
the difference.If you are involved in
something that you dread, it’s not the right thing in which to be involved.We are happy with that in which we
purposefully choose to participate.

2013 is fast approaching and I was contemplating what the
New Year theme needed to be.While the
homeschooling schedule still needs a bit of tweaking, and that is one of the
goals for 2013, I realized that those things that really require change are not
tangibles.

2012, while ‘simplified’, was an emotional year on so many
levels, in so many ways.To be honest, I
feel quite beat up by it.Oh, don’t get
me wrong – there have been wonderful adventures!My husband received a well-earned promotion,
Punky performed for the first time on a real theatre stage, and I launched this
blog and subsequent facebook page – which is a wonderful outlet for me.But there have been emotional challenges out the wazoo:waiting to see what our future holds with the
military, my husband receiving
deployment orders that will take him away for us for one year, my parent’s failing health and all the issues
that go along with that, as well as my own personal, emotional challenges.

I’ve been blessed
this year with true friends who have stood by me, helped me, and supported me
through it all (even my mistakes and misdeeds).I’ve been rejected and cast aside by others who I thought were friends,
in a very hurtful, yet totally high school locker room manner.While I’ve been fortunate enough to find a
small, like-minded secular homeschooling community (finally), I’ve dealt with
my share of difficult situations that arise as a result of my being me and
residing in the Deep South.There has been a time or two, during the year,
where I broke down in tears for feeling as if EVERYTHING was a struggle, that
there was so much working against me – be it circumstances or people.(I would expect that there are even those who
know me that may be reading this blog post and thinking to themselves either
‘serves her right’ or ‘she brings it on herself’.)

While reflecting upon my 2012 goal of ‘Simplify’, and even
reading some articles on the topic, I stumbled upon an article that listed
simplify as the first step for a life lived at peace.After serious reflection, I realized I had my
theme for 2013……PEACE.

Peace in my personal life and peace in our homeschooling
life.I will let peace be my guide.If it makes my stomach clench in distress,
and I have control over it, it will be changed or it will be OUT.Now, one of my ongoing, personal struggles is between my natural
personality and a state of ‘Zen’.I’m
not good at that shit.I wish I
were.I wish I were all calm, and deep,
and wise.I’m not.I’m hyper, reactive, and a dumbass most of
the time; bitchy some of the time.

So clearly I need to make
peace with some things in order to have peace in my life.Those things that I don’t have peace about,
and I can control, I will focus on changing in 2013.Those things that I don’t have peace about
and I can remove from my life, I will.

So, here’s my list of
changes (or removals) that I will be making in 2013 –

The Year of Peace.

I enjoy writing my blog and running
my facebook page.The fans are
great!If you are one of them – thank
you for coming along on the inappropriate ride!My personal facebook page, however, has become a source of distress too
many times and that is where some changes will be made.Those
who weren’t for me in 2012 will not be coming with me in 2013. Others, that I don’t have a close relationship
with, will be set to restricted status.I’m treating my personal facebook as I do my home – and not everyone
gets invited into the house, if you know what I mean.

I will be letting go of ‘long-term
future planning’.It doesn’t bring me
peace, in fact most of the time it adds extra distress to my life.Our circumstances:being a military family, homeschooling, and
having parents who are sick and live far away involve so much that is beyond
our control that every time I ‘plan for the future’ and the fates coitus with
that I’m distressed once again.I can’t
change the fates, so instead I’m going to stop the planning.We will go with the flow – making the best
decisions we can, when we must, with the information we have.

I’m letting go of the notion that
I’m not enough (or in some cases too much).I am exactly what I need to be in this moment in time.I am the mother and teacher that Punky needs,
the wife my husband needs, and the friend that my friends need or want.I’m the person I need to be for me.Changes and growth come with experience,
true.I am no longer going to beat
myself up over the fact that I can’t be it all or have it all. I am letting go
of the fact that I make mistakes.Once I
realize the mistake I’ve made and done what I can to learn from it and/or
rectify it – I’m letting it go.Anyone
who can’t let go of resentment toward me for past mistakes will be put to
pasture.I’m not going to waste the
precious time I have left on this planet agonizing over the mistake I made or
the fact that someone can’t forgive me and let it go.

Which leads me to, I’m giving up on
people who don’t make any effort.That
means those who don’t seem to care about me or my life, those that require me
to do all the work to maintain the relationship, and those that can’t or won’t
do what they say they will (time and time again) - these people stress me out
and hence, no peace.Those people need
to go!

I’m going to start saying
‘No’.Now, this may seem odd.I’m inappropriate, so what would I say no
to?Well, first, I have standards – some
things are beyond inappropriate – but that is not what I’m referring to.I actually have a problem turning people
down, turning people away, or not
letting people ‘in’.That’s going to
change in 2013.Folks are going to enjoy
the view from the cheap seats until I have had a chance to assess their
character.No more believing everyone is
honest, kind, caring, understanding, or forgiving.No more accepting people for who they are to
the point of letting them screw with me and my life.Very few people actually reciprocate the kind
of acceptance I give and I’m going to value my assets a lot more than I
have.I’m a good friend to have.Yes, I may be reactive at times and speak
harshly or without thought (and I’m working on that) and that can be hurtful to
my friends.However, I love
unconditionally, I am without judgment, and I am honest.I am there for my friends, day or night,
whenever they need me, in any way they need me.I believe in ‘deep ties’ and if I care about you, I’ll turn my life
inside out to be there for you and help you.That shit is valuable.I’m going
to learn to realize how valuable a friend I really am, despite my flaws.

There are other ways
I am going to work to have peace in my life.

I am going to focus on managing
expectations.This is two-fold.First, I’m going to worry less about ‘meeting
the expectations’ of others.I am going
to be honest with myself and others about what does stress me out and not worry
if they think it’s silly, weak, or stupid.If I can let go of my worry of other peoples expectations then I can
say, “No, that won’t work for me so I won’t be doing that – or doing it that
way.”It’s just not worth it
anymore.I end up acting like a big
ole’Bitch when I’m put into a situation that I didn’t want to be in the first
place and it’s my own damn fault for letting it happen because I wanted to
please someone else or meet someone else’s expectations or needs. But more importantly than that even,
I am going to focus on keeping my expectations, about everything, more
realistic.This is actually a big one
for me.A lot of unrest in my life is a
result of my own expectations.

Which leads me to….

I am going to let go of my
‘negativity bias’.I am such a ‘the
glass is half empty’ kind of gal.I am
going to focus on the part of the glass that is half full.Now, how?I’m going to keep a gratitude journal.I’ve always scoffed at this type of ‘New Agey’ action, but I have come
to realize that it is true that the only way to be more positive is to focus on
the positive and the easiest way to do that is to WRITE down the positives so
you’ll remember.I will be teaching my
brain to focus on the positives, the daily things – no matter how small – about
which to be grateful.In keeping with
this, I will also no longer allow myself to be purposely exposed to difficult
or negative people, those who constantly bring me down or undermine my efforts
to improve my life. If they are unwilling to understand my current goals then I
will be better off without them.

In
my daily walk in order to have less stress and more peace I will:

1)Do less each day.I will focus on
three important objectives for the day and those will be my ‘To Do’ list for
the day.If it’s not on my 'To Do' list, and it’s not an emergency, it will not be attended to that day unless I have
the free time and emotional energy to do so.

2)I will only make commitments that reflect what is important in our
lives.I will no longer commit to
‘fillers’ or obligate myself to those things that I have no real interest in pursuing.

3)I will leave S-P-A-C-E between appointments, commitments, obligations,
and activities whenever possible.I am
no longer capable of rushing from one thing to the next and it’s time to be
honest about how stressed out it makes me to do so - stressed out to the point
that I act like a big 'ole Bitch.

How I will
incorporate this into the homeschooling aspect of our lives is actually simple–
in theory, anyway.To have a more
peaceful homeschooling experience we will:

1)Commit to accomplishing three educational goals a day.Anything else accomplished is a bonus.

Yes, that’s it.That
will be the BIG change we make in
2013 regarding our homeschooling.My ‘To
Do List’ in homeschooling is always a page or two long.We never get it all done.In fact, we never get half of it done.It stresses me out.It makes me feel unaccomplished.It’s time to stop being an idiot about it.It’s time to set realistic goals.We have a clear, attainable objective – Punky
wants to be in the Theatre, now and as a career.I WILL be the mother who supports her dream,
no matter how ‘big’ or some would say, ‘unrealistic’ that dream is.We are a homeschooling family – which allows
us the freedom to tailor-make our life.It’s time we acted like it.

So now, instead of writing out weekly lesson plans, or
objectives, I will write them out daily.The night before I will sit down and list the three educational goals
for us to accomplish the next day.The
next night when I sit down, I will evaluate what was accomplished, enjoyed, and
learned from completing that day’s goals and use that to set the next day’s
three educational goals.We will
homeschool day-to-day.Period.No more stressing out for me… or for Punky
either.

There it is… all written out for me and the world to
see.I’m going to print it and then live it for my ‘Year of Peace’ in 2013.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Twas the night before
Christmas and Santa's a wreck…
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his
workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the
nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in
a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets…they were bad for the
tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those
psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be
passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he
might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth…
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

I want to say that I mean NO disrespect
toward this young woman nor am I casting any judgment on her perception of her experience.This was HER experience.I don’t think we can say to someone, “You’re
wrong” when they tell us how something made them feel.I do think, though, that perception is
reality.And I’d like to lend a
different perspective on what this young woman shared, especially for anyone
who is considering homeschooling their children and this article scares them OR
for anyone who believes that sheltering their children from EVERYTHING by
homeschooling is a good life choice for them.

First, in all honesty I basically agree with
this woman – her situation kind of sucked.However, I don’t think her situation and the subsequent issues it caused
her were the fault of being homeschooled.I’m not sure ‘fault’ even needs to be placed.Her life appears to be a good one now.She went to college, has a young daughter of
her own now, and she writes well.At
least on the surface she doesn’t seem to be suffering any extensive ill affects
of her life experience.She had ‘bumps’
in the road – albeit uncomfortable ones – as we all do.Bumps are necessary in order for us to learn
and grow.However, she puts forth a
serious question regarding socialization that many might worry over when
deciding to home school.

Clearly this young woman was raised in a
Christian household and I would say that from her descriptions she was raised
in a Christian household that sheltered the children, perhaps even purposefully
kept them from being exposed to others of different cultures, religious
backgrounds, and perhaps even ethnicities.Clearly she was kept from all children who were not either homeschooled
or members of her own church.To me,
this is a mistake.I’m sure that every
parent, especially ones that make the choice to home school, make the decisions
they do in rearing their children out of concern for their children and with
the information they have at the time make the best choices they can.That doesn’t mean that we don’t make
mistakes.We all do.I know I certainly do.If we haven’t given our children something to
grip about to their shrink when they are adults we failed.But seriously…..

No one who will one day enter ‘the world’
benefits from being overly-sheltered.One of the greatest assets afford to homeschoolers is the chance to
expose our children to a myriad of people (including public schooled children),
circumstances, and experiences where we can be with them to teach them and
guide them so that as they face new opportunities, people, and experiences when
they are older they have a foundation for how to navigate those waters.By not taking advantage of this asset of home
schooling, and choosing instead to shelter them from ‘the world’, we run the
risk of children who grow up uncertain of who they are when up against others
who are not of a like-mind.It reminds
me of a quote I heard long ago, and can never find who to attribute it to, that
says, “If all we ever study is that which we know, we learn nothing.”This is also true regarding exposure to other
people, ideologies, belief systems, cultures, and ethnicities.That lack of exposure while being homeschooled,
I think, is an important point to make regarding this young woman’s situation.

Yet, as to her ‘uncomfortableness’ around
peers I say this:I was public
schooled.I was never all that
comfortable around my ‘peers’.The crowd
I ran with was the more mature crowd.I
don’t mean I ran with ‘older’ kids.I
mean I found like-minded individuals and they were my friends.These kids were usually the ‘weird’
kids.They were into their hobbies and
interests and had no desire to participate in the latest trend or fad that was
being favored by the ‘in-crowd’.They,
and I, could have cared less about who was dating whom, how drunk the kids were
getting, or any other such ‘juvenile’ nonsense.I was born an adult and I never understood the majority of my
peers.Even as a young elementary school
kid I thought the majority of the things that my peers did or said was stupid
or immature.I didn’t understand why
they acted the way they did.Did it make
life harder for me?Sure, in some ways
it certainly did.Was I better equipped
for dealing with adults when I became an adult?Yes, I was.That worked to my
benefit.My point is this, one doesn’t
have to be homeschooled to be awkward with their peers.Kids are weird.They are immature and juvenile, some more so
than others.That’s ok, though.We all (or almost all, anyway) even out
eventually.Today I have close friends
that are as much as 15 years younger than I am and I still have friends who are
as much as 20 years older.Adulthood can
be a wonderful thing in so many ways!

At the heart of this young woman’s issues is
one thing, in my opinion – a lack of self-confidence.That brings me back to my earlier point, if
you never expose your children or allow them to be exposed to different, even
conflicting, viewpoints, cultures, beliefs, or people then they can never truly
feel confident about who they are, what they believe, and why.THAT is what the problem was for this young
woman, in my estimation – not that she was homeschooled.Somehow she didn’t learn to be a leader while
being homeschooled.For us, while
homeschooling Punky, being a leader and not a follower is a major focus.Punky is already very comfortable in ‘new and
unfamiliar’ situations.She walks into
auditions knowing no one and figuring it out.She ‘runs with the big dogs’ in theatre shows where the majority of the
cast are strangers and adults.Is she
exceptional?Not in the least.She always enters these experiences a little
scared and unsure.That is normal.We all enter the unknown a little scared and
unsure.The more times we have those
experiences though, the more we become comfortable with it, as well as becoming
a little wiser for having the experience.

This woman says that if your children are
more comfortable socializing with adults that isn’t a sign of maturity, but
rather a sign that there is a problem.I
don’t agree.We spend the majority of
our lives as adults.Being able to
socialize with, work with, and navigate around adults is a skill that is very
necessary.Now, we could say that if
your child is not comfortable socializing with anyone BUT adults, there may be
a problem.The difference may seem
slight, but it’s meaningful, I think.Punky prefers to spend her time with mature children, often time that
means children who are a year or two, or even three older than she.Punky doesn’t enjoy socializing with adults
more than her peers, but she is very comfortable interacting or working with
adults.Of course this is OUR
experience, but it is one that we work hard to make happen.At the end of the day, I believe that
homeschooling can be right for any child, because your homeschooling experience
is totally what you make it.Granted
that means that home schooling parents needs to focus on more than
academics.We should, in my opinion,
focus on guiding our children through new experiences and opportunities.We should be looking to introduce them to as
many people, from as many walks of life, as we can while they are under our
supervision and guidance, teaching them along the way why we make the choices
we make for our lives, why we have the beliefs we do, and allowing them to
learn about the choices and beliefs of others.

Home schooling may not be the choice every
family makes, but home schooling is not a ‘wrong’ choice.Home schooling doesn’t cause problems.Homeschooling is an ideology that says every
parent has the right and ability to provide for their children the education
and learning needed to navigate their lives well into adulthood.If a parent fails to, or chooses not, to
guide their child through all the opportunities they can, that is not a failure
of home schooling.Home schooling can
work for anyone, because home schooling is what you make it out to be.If home schooling didn’t work for you or your
child believes it didn’t work for him, all I can say is:the right way, for you, wasn’t found.Homeschooling can be limitless in its
opportunities, if you are willing to open yourself, and your children, to them.