Cinderella Will NOT Eat My Goddaughter, My Nieces--or My Sons or Nephews. Are You With Me? Or With Cindy?

"There is ample evidence that the more mainstream media girls consume, the more they partake in the media junk culture, the more importance they place on being pretty and sexy, and a ream of studies show that teenage girls and college students who hold conventional beliefs about beauty and femininity, especially those that emphasize beauty and pleasing behavior – are less ambitious, and more likely to be depressed and to make poor sexual choices (including not requiring their partners to wear condoms) than their peers. That’s terrifying." -Peggy Orenstein, speaking with me on AMBITION Radio

Yesterday was my goddaughter's 6-year-old birthday.

I spent a ton of time in recent weeks doing research on great books, toys, and gifts to shower her with on her special day. As I was perusing sites like eBeanStalk.com (“Expert-Selected Toys Matched to a Child’s Development”), I was not at all surprised – but was annoyed and disappointed – to find categories by gender.

Boys Versus Girls: Why?

Searching through “Toys for 6 Year Old Girls” and “Toys for 6 Year Old Boys” yielded very different recommendations.

A super cool-looking “Spy Night Scope,” a “Shrinky Dinks Insects” kit, and an “MLB Multi-Position Batting Tee” were served up for the boys.

A “Brain Noodles – Princess & Frog Kit” (WT? This hurts my brain on so many levels), a “Shrinky Dinks Jewelry” kit, and a “Paint Your Own Bathroom Set” were among the top recommended picks for girls. There was even a “Hooded Princess Cape” set, complete with a silver magic wand and the caption, “Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf?” categorized under – get this – “Fun Learning, Child Development, Educational Toys” for girls. (Not to mention, last time I checked, Little Red Riding Hood’s cape was RED, not pink, but I digress.)

The Socially Sanctioned Message is Clear

Painting your own ceramic bathroom set, or fantasizing about kissing the right frog to become a princess – and making jewelry for that encounter – is SO much more fun than swinging a bat, or playing dark-of-the-night spy, or crafting cool insects – IF you’re a girl. (The rules of the world are different for boys.)

Peggy Orenstein is an acclaimed journalist and author of the groundbreaking bestseller Schoolgirls who, as a new mother, was blindsided by the persistent ultra-feminine messages being sent to a new generation of little girls—from endless permutations of pink to pressures to be “a hot tot” and a “spoiled brat princess.”

When Orenstein published an essay in The New York Times Magazine about the “princess-mania” that has overtaken a new generation of little girls, she was not prepared for a firestorm. But “What’s Wrong with Cinderella?” swiftly shot to the top of the Times website’s “most emailed” list and elicited hundreds of reader responses.

Orenstein, who had garnered a reputation as an expert on girls’ development, thought she was simply musing about her own observations and reactions to her young daughter’s obsession with Disney princesses and predilection for the color pink. Clearly, though, she had touched a cultural nerve.

Fight For A Focus on Girls' Sense of Self from The Inside

What does it do to girls’ ambition to grow up in a culture that pressures them, from a very young age, to define their sense of self according to a junk culture’s ideals and from the outside in, rather than from the inside? Whether you're shopping for books or toys, or, channel surfing. are slapped with a preview of "Toddlers and Tiaras" or "Jersey Shore," the junk culture assaults and threatens to make you/us feel helpless to do anything to force a course correction.

We do not have to stand helplessly by, shaking our heads at what's out there: on television, social media, in print, in stores, being served up by the junk culture. We can spot, confront, interpret, and defy the pernicious messages flooding our kids. We can help them reclaim what it means to grow up in a meaningful way with an eye on making the contribution they were born to make -- according to what matters to them as individuals, rather than being distracted or derailed by the junk culture. (Enough already.)

But we must be conscious of socially sanctioned cultural messages and assumptions, swirling about us, mindlesslessly sucking in us and our children.

Of equal importance , we talk about practical, simple – even fun! (we’re not talking going Mommie Militant here) – things you can do in your and your kids’ everyday lives to empower, rather than limit, how your children shape their identities and dreams to ambitiously navigate through this, our junk culture, according to their own informed sensibilities.

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Happy Birthday Little Sister Sledge,

from your Big Sister Sledge Auntie. I’m thrilled that you love your new Jr. Telescope Set, your binoculars, and your great new hardcover books (adding to your library being one of our celebratory rituals and holiday traditions) – none of which are about princesses kissing frogs. Your mom and I are on the front lines with you. We are family.

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I invite you to weigh in below. Are you with Cinderella? Or will you take a stand to protect YOUR daughter (and nieces and goddaughters and, even your sons and young males in your life) from the junk culture that dumbs down girls' sense of selves and expectations?

Nothing less than our daughters' identities and their futures is on the line.

Many of my coaching clients, colleagues, and friends ask me why some authors make a fortune while so many others with equally good – or better (let’s be honest) – books always seem to struggle financially.

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We women always try and look on the bright side. Case in point: a friend who was going through a painful divorce and custody battle said to me, “Well, at least I’ll lose a few pounds—I’m on the Son of a Bitch Diet.”

Her husband—father to her children, ages two and four—had been having an affair. She kicked him out. He begged her to try again. She took him back. Several months later, she discovered he was back with his mistress.He couldn’t help himself, he tearfully explained to his wife, his mistress was “the best friend I’ve ever had.” (Not surprisingly, he didn’t end up with the mistress after their divorce.)

After all that stress, my friend had shed her Mom jeans and was back in her skinny jeans.She was right—the so-called Son of a Bitch Diet is the one surefire diet that works.

John McCain wants to be the next
leader of the free world, and he gives a free pass to someone calling his
opponent a "bitch", calls it "an excellent question"? And
it took him endless obfuscating just to be able to rally to say, "I
respect Hillary Clinton"! Never confronting the dropping of the B-bomb?
Are you kidding me?

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About

I’m all about creating ways for ambitious women to share our stories with each other.

I am a business psychologist, researcher, author, executive coach, and career advisor. I lead workshops and lecture frequently on women’s need to embrace our ambition. I founded the Women’s Business Alliance, a motivational think tank for more than 2,500 women. For more details, see my about page.

I’d love to hear your story. Ambitious women owe it to ourselves—and the world—to make the contribution we were born to make. Let’s keep the dialogue flowing.