Transfer deadline day: a football party with dubious dress code, ridiculous rumours and excited host Jim White
Regardless of which players move where before Monday's 11pm deadline, there is
guaranteed to be plenty of action to keep fans interested.
Dressed to impress: new Tottenham defender Vlad Chiriches caught the eye with his clothing on arrival at Heathrow Photo: ACTION IMAGES
By
Jonathan Liew
10:00PM BST 01 Sep 2013
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Sky’s earl of excitement, their high priest of hyperbole, White has made
deadline day his own in recent years, serving a valuable if possibly
unintended purpose for the viewer. Warmed up recently by touring the country
in a helicopter for Sky’s 92 Live feature. As a general rule, the more
screen time he is getting, the less there is actually happening.

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No, honestly. You know my mate Clive? Well, his brother Les is a chauffeur at
John Lennon Airport and he swears he just drove Kaka to Melwood. Hang on,
just got another text from him ... he says he’s now on his way back to pick
up Victor Moses.

If nothing else, deadline day confirms how ridiculously footballers dress when
not on duty. Sideways baseball caps, oversized hoodies, or garish T-shirt
slogans, such as that of new Tottenham
Hotspur defender Vlad Chiriches, who arrived at Heathrow
bearing a top that read “What The Hell”. Profound stuff.

CHEESY SHIRT PHOTOGRAPH

A staple of club websites up and down the land. The expression on the player’s
face is a key indicator of his mood. A beaming smile indicates “great move”;
a forced grin means “not my first choice”; a stonily neutral face, on the
other hand, denotes “the wife is not going to be happy when she finds out
about this”.

THE DEBT CLOCK

A running total of deadline-day spending, inducing an increasingly giddy
unease. This will be mentioned at regular intervals, as if this were Comic
Relief night and all the money were going to poor African children, rather
than football agents.