Daters Beware

Updated on October 17, 2012

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Daters Beware

Beware of snakes, chameleons, and those interactions too good to be true

While Wikipedia defines snakes as limbless reptiles, my definition of a snake closely follows that of the urban dictionary: “A snake is someone who you think is sincere and really nice, but then turns out to be a backstabber.”

The urban dictionary defines a chameleon as: “A person who adjusts themselves to fit into whatever happens to be cool at the moment. Includes their appearance, their interests, their opinions, their personalities.”

I believe in the 90 / 10 rule when it comes to love that occurs overnight. Most of the time 90% is garbage and every now and then you find something truly real 10% of the time. People often confuse lust, sexual attraction, and chemistry for the basis of a long term relationship. When people act as if time is their enemy, buyer beware. Anyone can act as a chameleon and snake determining what qualities are important to you and presenting themselves to be such a good fit based on what you desire. Both men and women are capable of acting in this manner so it’s important to observe the behavior of your significant other, over time, in order to determine if the presentation fits the true qualities of that person. When you meet people who want to rush you into relationships, it’s time to turn on the backup lights and remind them that the two of you have time to get to know one another. Anyone who creates a high pressure situation when meeting them usually has something to hide and wants you to be too wrapped up with them to let them go easily. For such reasons; the manipulative person is eager for living together, entering into a committed relationship, and rushing marriage in an effort to hurry up and get you. Unfortunately this immediate relationship behavior is often present in abusive relationships.

We all know the story of the turtle and the snake. The turtle helped the snake across the river and before they arrived back on shore the snake bit him. The turtle asks him why he bit him and the snake replies because it’s in his nature. Pay attention to people who lie, are manipulative, are selfish, and are cunning because it’s in their nature to create harm to others. The first time someone shows fatal qualities (lack of principals, morals, values, honesty, or untrustworthy), cut and run. When you keep people in your life who harm you their negative actions towards you will always go to a more harmful level.

Pay attention to the warning signs when entering an immediate relationship:

1. Beware of people that are so into you immediately upon meeting them. They want to talk relationship and marriage after the first few dates or interaction with you. Something is wrong with them. Think about it. Who in their right mind who’s a quality person with good values prepared to stay through thick or thin is ready to enter into a long term relationship based on words spoken out of someone’s mouth. Quality will not, quantity will.

2. For men: I love you so much. I want to introduce you to my friends and family. There’s no one like you in my life. A month or two later this “electric bill” is due or the “rent” is due and they need help. (OR) All of a sudden she is ready to move in with you at your place.

3. For women: I love you girl. I’ll call you day and night while insisting you be available to me at all times. Without solicitation he is willing, or offers, to pay for hair, nails, pocket change, or shopping sprees. Every “gift” has a cost to it and you often find out what it is and it’s not free. (OR) All of a sudden he needs a place to stay or feels you two should move in together, at your place of course.

4. Everything is perfect. You never disagree with one another, always see eye to eye, and this person seems to think exactly like you. While it’s great to be in harmony with another person, this is often a manifestation of snake behavior. In any healthy relationship conflict is not the problem but how conflict is addressed can be an issue. When you argue does this person manipulate the other party, fly off the handle, or turn into a person hell-bent on revenge for you not sharing their views?

5. Signs of distrust present themselves. Let’s say this person decided not to do something but when confronted by someone else they make it seem like they never thought about it or twists the truth right in front of your eyes. Partnering with a deceitful or dishonest person will always turn out to be a disaster and that person will play the same games with you.

6. Are you exhausted? This is typically the result of keeping company with a snake. They are constantly investigating your business, your information, and playing some game of chess or manipulation. By the end of the night you really know nothing about who they are, their preferences, their values in life, or their relationship with their immediate family. Conversations are kept surface and you walk away realizing in the pit of your stomach that this person is not real. This is not coincidence.