Walking away from a home part II

A lot of readers weighed in on my post about a friend who stopped paying her mortgage. A few readers castigated me for judging my friend so harshly.

Marla said:

I wouldn’t want to be a friend of yours. Yes, she did something foolish, but in this time and situation, times are tough and your loss of sympathy for your friend isn’t right.

Others, like OCNanis, gave me the benefit of the doubt:

I am sure she & her friend are perfectly aware of what would be shared on the blog & don’t think BB would post her insight in regards to the situation if she hadn’t verbalized it to her friend already. That is what friends do. Tell you what you need to hear even if it isn’t what you want to hear.

I re-read my post and believe it was fair if also brutally honest. I’ve never been the type to hold back, but I try to share my opinion in a way that doesn’t offend. I do not always succeed.

Luckily, my friend read the post and the comments and wrote me to clear the air. I’ve changed the name of her partner to protect her anonymity, but otherwise these are her words, verbatim:

1) I did not buy more house than I could afford – when both Shawn and I were working we made our payments on time every month. We did that for 3.5 years.

2) We never saw our decision to buy a house as a way to turn a quick buck. Like most young people we bought whatever we could afford and figured that in 3-4 years time we’d have enough equity to move somewhere more to our liking.

3) Our decision to stop making payments was not done blindly. We thought about this for a LONG time and didn’t do it until Shawn lost his job. We are not irresponsible people but staring at a negative equity of more than $150,000 can push many people over the edge. I’m glad the post forced people into the conversation. It’s interesting how people can make judgments – good or bad – on folks they don’t know.

Anyway just my thoughts. Oh – we sought the counsel of two financial advisers before making this move.

BB – just want to let you know that I was not judging you. I thought that your initial article was a fair one. It’s nice that your friend wrote what she did. Perhaps others will learn from her experience…especially about the fact that they did not do so blindly but after talking with financial experts.

Would like some opinions about trying to help out relatives who are upside down (initial cost of house was 600k & is now worth 300k) Should a relative try to help with a short sale? What sort of jeopardy does this put the relative who is trying to help with their credit?