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Thursday, June 11, 2015

On friendship. And more. [Part 2]

After publishing my last post on Friendship, I got a couple of calls from friends (and wonderful messages from some I had not seen in a while) to tell me they loved me. It is always lifting when a small incident initiates a series of loving and quite frankly, unexpected actions.

Just to be clear, I have named only three main people in that previous article because I could share specific stories about them that expanded on the three ideas I elaborated. That does not mean each of these women only had these particular qualities or that they do not share the same beautiful traits. But it just so happens that I had a story to tell about a particular quality through that particular woman.

These are so important to me because throughout my adult life, I have faced so much bullying and I have been through relationships which I thought were real and ended up being nothing more than a web of fake affections and lies. Just like everyone else I guess.

I know this is not special.

And I know I am not the only one.

And I am aware that maybe, to some, I am not the perfect friend although I do hope my affections were never perceived as fake and as far as I know, I never was. I have too little patience to be able to fake so much and quite frankly, it is a lot of work and effort! Basically, I may be too lazy to be fake.

Lazy, but lucky.

These beautiful three friends are not the only ones in my life who I can count on. I am indeed lucky. Over the last five years, a group of fantastic women came to light and I know with them, I am stronger and without them my support system would completely collapse.

The Internet is prolific in relationship advices that go along the lines of "Five Friends You Need To Ditch Now" or "Six Types Of Friends That Will Ruin Your Life" or "Ten Types Of Toxic Friends" or... Whatever. They usually are very generic and although they carry some truths to them, they just preach generalities which we all already know.

Human relationships are far more complex than that, thank God. And because the only "expertise" I have boils down to sharing my own personal experiences, I was hoping I could highlight three main qualities in friends I knew, and actually demonstrate through personal accounts how these were true as far as I was concerned.

Counting my blessings.

As I often forget. Life can get a toll on you. And being a mom with two young children, the older being four and the youngest having been found to have mild autism, my days and nights can be quite stressful. I know I am blessed and others have far more difficult and hard times to pull through. But as a person, a human, I feel overwhelmed sometimes and I can forget about how lucky I am.

Let me clear: if you are not living my life, every day; if you do not deal with what I have to deal with 24/7; if you are not the one managing my life and my children and their lives from the moment you wake up to the moment you can finally fall asleep (which does not last long as my youngest still has tough nights and sleep deprivation has become a normality in my existence now; I have not slept through the night in four years) then you have no place judging me. Of course, you can preach that others have it worse. Of course, I know that is true. But again, I will tolerate you preaching me or how I manage my priorities and my every day.

I was reminded of this by yet another wonderful woman in my life: Bissan.

She is a strong, successful career woman. And believe it or not, this does not stop her from being one of the most sensitive and loving mothers I know. She is a sincere and supportive friend who if she lets you in, means you are in for real. Deeply. Her friends are sisters and our children are her nieces and nephews. And she will be there no matter what, in spite of her crazy schedule to somehow make our lives easier. How? Do not ask me.

I am really lucky to be surrounded by genuine Supermoms now!

So I guess, following on my previous post and the past few days following it, I have one of these Internet advices for you:

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH LOVE

ONLY LOVE

You will recognize love when you see it.

Grab it. Wrap it in your arms. Protect it. These are the friends who are here to stay. The long haul. Cherish them and love them and allow them to cherish you and love you. That last part seems easy but it is really not. Open up. Open your arms. Open your arms. Things will get better from that moment on.