Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Keys to a Successful Softball Season in the Northland

After the last couple years of playing co-rec softball on my church's team, I feel like I've finally figured out a few keys to a successful season. Just thought I'd share my insights.

1. Dress in MULTIPLE layers. These layers should include (but are not limited to) a winter hat, (with a hole cut in the back for your ponytail) a winter coat, a rain jacket, mosquito netting, a tank top, and some sort of Depends-like undergarment in case the field in Parkland has yet to see the value in obtaining a biffy and you still haven't mastered the invaluable "squat and pee." Or you may have mastered the "squat and pee" but because you're just a tidge self conscious, you refuse to do it within 30 feet of your pastor.

2. Become friends with a child leash. I personally can't contain myself when I see someone "walking their child", but I can imagine it would come in wonderfully handy when your team is on the field and your 2 year old has decided she no longer wants to play "Our parents died in the war and we have to take care of ourselves" with the older kids and would rather wander behind the batter to show mommy the not so empty beer can she found under the bleachers.

3. Food. Food. And more Food. Enough food for everyone on your team and all their kids and the kids of the opposing team. And a few random neighborhood kids. Food gives the younger kids a reason to stick close to the field instead of wandering into the woods or a busy parking lot. It also is their dinner time and from my experience, kids don't handle skipping a meal as graciously as ad......err.....Forget that. If you don't bring an abundance of food, the wandering parentless (I was going to use "unsupervised," but that would mean MY children) child who has never seen fresh fruit before will eat the entire 4 pounds of grapes before your kids can settle themselves on a picnic blanket.

4. Lastly, one must understand that to have a truly successful softball season in the Northland, it may be necessary to pick up a 2nd job to pay for the gas to get to the games. Some fields are approximately 309 miles from home, making it a rather expensive form of "entertainment."