Thursday, October 27, 2016

Welcome to the top of the mountain folks! Time to earn this ranking tonight, but I think I might have this right.

2 - Finkick Odair - ↓1

Any given Thursday, eh?

3 - The Tyrannical Tea Baggers - N/A

Watching them win their game against Finkick was like watching someone who balls up a piece of paper and shoots it at the trash bin on the complete other side of the office with no expectation of making it, but then it goes in. Glorious!

4- Plan B - N/A

Jeez dudes.

5 - Tight and Bright - N/A

Not enough of a meltdown to actually move them down, buttttt....

6 - Sit On My Base - N/A

I feel like if they show up to this game they have a legitimate shot, but if they don't show up we'll never know!

7 - Large Hardon Collider - Length - ↑1

Outta nowhere! The haymaker! Takin' it to the man!

8 - Large Hardon Collider - Girth - ↓1

They're just waiting for Hardon Bowl 2.0.

9 - Brown Guys and Friends - N/A

Playing a lot less like a drinking team that wins on experience and more like a competitive team that really likes to drink. Can't remember the last time I saw someone steal 3rd while the 2nd baseman was throwing the ball back to the pitcher (while up 8 runs) in a Music game. You're on watch!

10 - Pitches be Trippin' - N/A

Could be headed for a trap game to end the season, but they've got the talent to overcome early stumbles.

11 - At Least We're Having Fun - N/A

Mom and Dad are back, and the team is clicking again!

12 - Booooze on First! - ↑2

Still vulnerable to big errors, but overall this team is much better than its record indicates.

13 - PurpleSaurus Rex - ↓1

Winning streak ended at 2!

14 - Sons of Pitches Kickin The Punt -↑1

Alright not sure what's happening here, but they might have been sharking us the whole season until now.

15 - Jacked to the Kicks - ↓2

The tumble continues! Last chance to right the ship heading into the playoffs with a tough game against Boooze on First! If they can limit errors they can prevail!

16 - Kickin' Grass and Takin' Names - N/A

These folks are sick and and tired of your bunting, people. Get it out of your system now, because I told them about no-bunting Wednesdays!

17 - Do You Even Kick Bro? - N/A

They actually looked good for a big chunk of this game, and then blew it on a few big plays.

18 - Red Ball and V0dka -N/A

They're like the mullet of kickball teams. Party in the front, business in the back. You think they're just screwing around but then they score 8 runs on you when you least expect it. And then give up 13.

3 major upsets last week ruined my picks: T&B shitting away an 8 run lead to lose 9-8 to Large Hardon Collider, Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt showing up to play HARD against Jacked to the Kicks 10-1 (WTF?), and The Tyrannical Teabaggers outlasting Finkick for a 5-3 victory. Quit being exciting, kickball! It ruins my average! I need to go 7-2 or better this week to get back to save my record for the season.

Regular Season Record: 44-16-3 (.719)

THIS WEEK'S PICKS

Game 1: At Least We're Having Fun vs Kickin' Grass & Takin' Names

At Least We're Having Fun -2.5

Game 2: Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt vs Pitches Be Trippin'

Pitches Be Trippin' -4.5

Game 3: Finkick Odair vs FRESH BRU

FRESH BRU -1.5

Game 4: The Tyrannical Tea Baggers vs Tight and Bright

The Tyrannical Tea Baggers -3.5

Game 5: Brown Guy and Friends vs Red Ball and V0dka

Brown Guy and Friends -6.5

Game 6: PurpleSaurus Rex vs Do You Even Kick, Bro?

PurpleSaurus Rex -1.5

Game 7: Plan B vs Sit On My Base

Plan B -5.5

Game 8: Booooze On First! vs Jacked to the Kicks

Booooze On First! -5.5

Game of the Week: Large Hardon Collider Girth vs Large Hardon Collider Length

It wasn't quite debaucherous enough the first time, so they're doing it again! Hardon Bowl 2.0 will feature a revisiting of the absurdity created when you connect these teams together like parts of Voltron, and the result will likely be difficult to watch for anyone who understands the rules of the game. For everyone else, it will be quite the spectacle.

Welp, I did the math and we've mathematically clinched the Party Belt. Putting it on cruise control this week and partying at a lower level is probably called for right? Fuck that it's Halloween!

Come help us drink the giant jug of PurpleSaurus Rex (7% ABV, consult your doctor if your erection lasts more than 4 hours), play with my boner, and just kick it on Field #1. We'll be in the bleachers 7-8, on the 3rd base sideline 8-9, and hanging out until we kick the cooler and finish our pumpkin for the carving contest while we throw pumpkin guts at the Teabaggers and T&B while they try and play real kickball after us.

The rumors you may have heard are true, Large Hardon Collider did indeed lose the party belt. As of last week I've declared it a total loss and ordered a new one, so next season you can expect to see the true passing of the belt take place every week as God intended. Pour one out for old party belt, she had a good run!

This whole going 6-3 business is really cramping my game, I have a bad feeling I could finish poorly after having such a strong start. Like the Texas Rangers. Too soon?

Regular Season Record: 38-13-3 (.731)

THIS WEEK'S PICKS

Game 1: Pitches Be Trippin' vs Do you Even Kick, Bro?

Pitches Be Trippin' -3.5

Game 2: Large Hardon Collider - Length vs Tight and Bright

Tight and Bright -2.5

Game 3: Plan B vs Sit On My Base

Plan B -1.5

Game 4: At Least We're Having Fun vs Red Ball and V0dka

At Least We're Having Fun -3.5

Game 5: PurpleSaurus Rex vs Brown Guy and Friends

Brown Guy and Friends -3.5

Game 6: Jacked to the Kicks vs Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt

Jacked to the Kicks -2.5

Game 7: FRESH BRU vs Large Hardon Collider - Girth

FRESH BRU -10.5

Game 8: Booooze On First! vs Kickin' Grass & Takin' Names

Booooze On First! -2.5

Game of the Week: Finkick Odair vs The Tyrannical Tea Baggers

Now, technically Relax and Let it Happen doesn't exist anymore with regard to TX Live, but lets not kid ourselves that this isn't at it's core the same team. Sure Jay isn't the captain anymore so he can't start himself at pitcher every game and Joey is trying jumping from team to team like a two bit hooker and Alex is "retired from kickball" and yet still comes to the bar almost every week (which is about as accurate as your boyfriend telling you that you're still a virgin if you only do it in the pooper when you were 17). This is "Relax and Let It Happen, but we're going to change the name so I don't have to invite the people who are too old and slow to hang anymore and can recruit some new hot talent". Vs The Tyrannical Tea Baggers who take the "We're old and slow and fuck you get off our lawn! We're not changing anything!" I'll be honest, I like the latter approach more even if they're definitely not going to win this game.

Don't look now but PurpleSaurus Rex is officially on a win streak! None of us are really sure how to handle this as we never anticipated winning a game and were confident we could lock up the 18 seed all season, so we're in uncharted waters here! All this was also accomplished while sporting tutus tiaras and tights, the most time-honored PurpleSaurus Rex team theme:

Kickball wins aside, it's time we started talking about the Life of the Party contest. We can't do this on our own people! Well, clearly we can but it's way more fun when a worthy adversary challenges for the throne. Here's the thing: y'all are all fun as shit, you're just not playing the game! I'm gonna clue you all in, because I feel like I'm playing with house money and taking the pot here.

Wanna win social points? Here's the checklist for success:

1. Appoint a social captain. They are responsible for completing the rest of the checklist each week.
2. Is it a theme week? MAKE SURE YOUR TEAM PARTICIPATES TO THE MAX! Theme weeks are the #1 point scoring opportunities.
3. Take a silly picture at the bar or at the fields and post it on Instagram with #clubwakaaustin, #yourteam, and #picoftheweek. Just posting is a point! Doesn't even have to be great!
4. If it's a theme week make sure to take a team pic at the field pre or post game. Post it with #clubwakaaustin #yourteam #bestdressed.
5. Find your ref at the bar and buy them a beer! Take a selfie and post it with #reflove #clubwakaaustin
6. Participate in the party game hosted by Caitlin at Toss at 10:30 PM. Just playing gets you a point, winning gets you more!
7. Send a short post to waka.gmot@gmail.com for the blog. Posting is a point!

You do all that, (just PARTICIPATING, mind you), and you've scored a minimum of 4 points on a regular night, and 8 points on a theme night. Actually win the bar game / theme night / picoftheweek? You can score as many as 14 points all at once! That means that the two teams that haven't played AT ALL this season could go from tied for 17th all the way to 5th place in the league on one night. It's anyones game!

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Despite getting humbled in Vegas, they're still the best team in Austin.

2 - FRESH BRU - N/A

3 - The Tyrannical Tea Baggers - ↑1

Winning with class.

4- Plan B - ↑1

Pooped on the not-trying drunk version of TNB.

5 - Tight and Bright - ↓2

Despite being down 13-0 and blind drunk, Dre was still arguing bang bang calls at first base. Shine on baby.

6 - Sit On My Base - N/A

Just storing up power to release the spirit bomb.

7 - Large Hardon Collider - Girth - N/A

They're ready for a recount of the seeding vote. Hanging chads, etc.

8 - Large Hardon Collider - Length - N/A

23-4 is the most lopsided game I have ever seen in CLUBWAKA kickball. Bravo sirs and madams. Now give me my belt back before the karma starts literally killing people!

9 - Pitches be Trippin' - N/A

Apparently they took offense to me saying they looked "vulnerable". I take it back guys, you definitely deserve to be in the Capital conference and sandbagged the vote with crocodile tears about injuries so you could stay down and steamroll.

10 - Brown Guys and Friends - ↑4

I think we have to assume that their default mode is playing well and they have to get super drunk to get off their game. Only way to explain these swings.

11 - Jacked to the Kicks - ↓1

Understandable slept on PurpleSaurus Rex and couldn't pull it back out when they jumped up early.

12 - Kickin' Grass and Takin' Names - ↓1

Can't give up 7 run margins and stay in the top 3 in the conference!

13 - Booooze on First! - N/AEmPHAtic win.

14 - At Least We're Having Fun - ↓2

There's a good team in here somewhere when they're paying attention, but a lady never tells.

15 - PurpleSaurus Rex - ↑3

When only the 11 most committed players show up and the party captain makes the vet co-captain make the lineup/field assignments instead of making it up on the fly, it appears this team is actually functional on the field.

16 - Do You Even Kick Bro? - ↓1

Staved off disaster against the newly alone-at-the-bottom SOPKTP.

17 - Red Ball and V0dka -↓1

I guess those runs against Pitches be Trippin were all they had in them for a bit, blanked by Boooze on First last week.

18 - Sons of Pitches Kickin The Punt -↓1

Taking the title back from PurpleSaurus with another come from the front loss.

Both teams are 2-3. RAA is 5.2 to 5.6, RFA is 3.4 to 3.6. Total difference in run differential is exactly ONE. Just about the most statistically similar teams I've ever seen with 5 games of the season already behind us, this should be a tight matchup! Clearly math can accurately predict performance and there really isn't any significant variance in co-ed adult kickball, so I'm making the pick by the numbers. Assuming the teams score exactly the average of (their own RFA + their opponents RAA), we get Red Ball V0dka 4.4, Do You Even Kick Bro 4.5. I could pick a tie here, but instead I'm going to round to nearest integers and call it Red Ball 4 vs Kick Bro 5.

The Vegas hangover is real, I've been going to bed at 8 PM and sleeping till almost 7 the last two days. Feels good, but WHY AM I STILL TIRED!? In case you guys have been living under a rock, the once-per-year showcase CLUBWAKA event WAKApalooza was held last week in sunny Las Vegas, Nevada, with three teams from Austin joining the fray (two in the world chamionship Founder's Cup tournament, one in the drunken shit show Fun Games tournament.

In case you're wondering how good these Founder's Cup teams are, here's a hint: Finkick Odair, our 4-peat champs who haven't lost a league game in something like a year, went 1-2 in pool play and lost in the first round of the elimination tournament. Perennial runner-up and every-now-and-then-champions the Tyrannical Teabaggers went 0-3 in pool play and didn't make the cut. Miami's Meatballs and Denver's DICE were the two finalists, and the championship game ended on this play as DICE attempted to get the tying run across in the bottom of the 5th.

I was out in the parking lot coordinating shuttles back to the LINQ Hotel & Casino when this happened, but the resulting cheering sounded like UT had just scored a touchdown.

A few PurpleSaurus vets joined the Large Hardon Collider to take on the Fun Games, and we ended up with things like this happening:

Altogether huge week, seems a little unreal being back in Austin doing normal stuff again. Good thing PurpleSaurus Rex is pulling out Tutus, Tights, and Tiaras this week so I can get that Fun Games feeling back!