The Winners are those individuals who manage to remove themselves from
the gene pool or render themselves incapable of reproduction through acts
of shear stupidity thus proving that Darwin's laws of natural selection
still apply to modern man.

1996 Winners

[UPI, Toronto]

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged
24 floors to his death.

A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the
Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
strength of the building's windows to visiting law students.

Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according
to police reports. Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day
Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and
brightest'' members of the 200-man association.

1996 Winners

Runner-up

[AP, St. Louis]

Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market.
When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved
it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it.

Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed
the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.

The 1997 Darwin Award Winner!

Fort-Worth Star Telegram 1/2/96

Calcutta, India - A tiger killed one man and mauled another at the Calcutta
zoo yesterday when they tried to put a marigold garland around its neck
in a New Year's greeting.

Prakesh Tiwari, the dead man, and Suresh Rai had been drinking before
they bought the floral garlands and crossed the moat around the tiger's
enclosure, authorities said. "I was shocked to see the two young
men weaving about in front of a tiger with garlands in their hands," said
Rakesh Banerjee, who witnessed the attack that triggered panic and a near
stampede in the zoo. The men, both in their 20's, were trying to put the
garland on a 13-year old male Royal Bengal tiger named "Shiva" after the
Hindu god of destruction. When Rai threw the garland around Shiva's neck,
the tiger attacked him. His friend Tiwari intervened, kicking the tiger
in the face. The tiger released Rai, and attacked and killed Tiwari. "I
saw it all; the tiger turned and jumped on the other young man and put
its head on the man's neck, and within moments, the man was apparently
dead, his head dangling, " Banerjee said.

Unknown originators observations:

Alcohol and tigers don't mix. Moats are placed around animal enclosures
not only to keep dangerous animals in, but to keep stupid people out.
Shiva is an appropriate name for a Royal Bengal tiger. Maybe Shiva
was allergic to marigolds. Moral of this story - kicking a tiger,
especially one named after a god of destruction, in the face will get you
killed.

This is definitely a Darwin Award nominee.

1997 Winners

Runner-up Number 1

On February 3, 1990, a Renton (Seattle area) man tried to commit a robbery.
This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by his lack of a record
of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choice:

1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gunshop;

2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial fraction
of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public
places;

3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked King County Police
patrol car parked at the front door;

4.An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having coffee
before reporting to duty.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and
fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned
fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several other customers also
drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one else was hurt.

This happened February 4, 1990.

The robber, David Zaback, 33, died in the hospital a few hours after
the shooting. His family said he suffered from a mental disorder that caused
him to be irrational at times.

Runner-up Number 2

Binky 2, Humans 0

The story is as follows...

Alaska -- Back in the summer of 1992 at the Anchorage Zoo, an Australian
tourist decided she wanted to get a picture taken of her right next to
the cage of the Polar Bear, Binky. This has made national news, even world
news, when Binky struck out and grabbed her, mauling the tourist's leg
and capturing her tennis shoes. But the incident that happened shortly
after that did not get publicized as much. And qualifies for the Darwin
Awards.

Within a couple of weeks afterwards...

As far as the two boys are concerned, they live in the Hilltop area
of Anchorage (near the zoo) they reportedly decided to take a swim in Binkys
pool. They squeezed through the 2 fences around Binkys cage, climbed over
the bars, and stripped down, too inebriated to notice that the safety doors
to Binkys lair (the ones they close to allow zoo personel safe access to
Binkys cage) were open. Binky hears splashing, Binky wakes up, Binky takes
chomp out of not-too-bright teen. In the process of being mauled the teenager's
penis was detached. It was never found. Reconstructive surgery was required
for urinary functions.

And finally, there are NO sirens, lights, or increased security around
Binkys cage. Sadly, Binky (and his roommate) died several months later
of a bacterial infection. Although the Alaska Zoo is planning on aquiring
more, they are investing in a large, fully enclosed environment that is
supposedly Darwin award winner-proof.

VIRGINIA BEACH - Police are searching for an embarrassed bank robber
who was hurt Tuesday morning after a dye pack exploded in his pants and
burned a hole through his fly. Witnesses last saw the man strip to his
boxer shorts on Pacific Avenue and run away, leaving the money and his
smoldering pants behind. The robbery happened around 11:30 a.m. at Life
Savings Bank near 38th Street and Pacific Avenue. Police spokesman Mike
Carey said this is what happened:

The man gave a bank teller a plastic Food Lion grocery bag and demanded
"all the money in the bank." The teller filled the bag with money and an
explosive dye pack that burns at about 400 degrees when activated. The
robber stuffed the bag down the front of his pants and ran from the bank.
Carey said witnesses then saw "an explosion taking place inside his pants.
He was seen hopping and jumping around." The hot dye pack seared through
the crotch of the robber's jeans. Police confiscated the robber's pants
but have not yet caught the robber. "He's probably sitting around with
an ice pack in his lap," Carey said. "That is, if he hasn't sought medical
attention" Police alerted area hospitals to be on the lookout for a man
complaining of crotch burns. Investigators also asked the public's help
in finding the robber. The suspect may be stained with bright red dye.

"If he has the on his, uh, shall we say, 'person', it will be there
for several days," Carey said.

Runner-up Number 1

This is a true story according to a recent issue of Road and Track Magazine:
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on a Seattle
street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled
sewage. a police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his hose into the motorhome`s sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he's ever had.