Publications

Paradise Lost

Res Publica

January 1991

by Robert E. Hughes

In the Beginning, in 1980, the People created the Reagan Presidency. Now America at the time was formless and empty: the Demons were in control; inflation was in double digits; hostages were in Iran; the Soviets were in Afghanistan.

And Reagan said, "Let there be Light," and so a light began to shine in the Darkness of Liberalism. Now this Darkness had begun in the Supreme Court, and so Reagan began there. Sandra Day O’Connor was appointed, the beginning of the conservatizing of the Court. And the People saw that it was good. The first year.

And Reagan said, "Let there be Prosperity," and so Reaganomics began. Taxes were cut, and spending was pondered upon. Soon, economic recovery was on the way. And the People saw that it was good. The second year.

And Reagan said, "Let the lands across the seas be free," and so he confronted the Evil Empire. Star Wars was proposed, Andropov was cursed, and Grenada was liberated. And the People saw that it was good. The third year.

And Reagan said, "Let the People be heard," and the Demons laughed at this, for they believed that the People were stupid. And so their leader, Mondale, set out to unseat Reagan. But the People were heard, and Mondale and his Demons were sent to the Fiery Furnace, where they wept and gnashed their teeth. And the People saw that it was good. The fourth year.

And Reagan said, "Now the other Demons, those across the seas, say they have changed. Let us meet with their leader, to see if this is so," and so Reagan went to Geneva. And there he met Gorbachev, who had a warm smile. Gorbachev asked Reagan to end Star Wars, and to do many other foolish things. But Reagan saw that Gorbachev, like Mondale and Andropov and Carter, was a demon, and he sent him away. And the People saw that it was good. The fifth year.

And Reagan said, "There are yet other Demons, Third World terrorists, and their leader is Quadafi," and so he sent planes to bomb Tripoli. And Quadafi was silenced. And the people saw that it was good. The sixth year.

By this time, Reagan had done many good things, and so on the seventh year he rested. And this was a mistake. The Demons, the domestic ones, conspired to do much evil to Reagan and the People. They persecuted Oliver North, exploited the stock market crash, and hypocritically labeled Robert Bork a Demon. And the People saw that it was not good. The seventh year.

Now it was time for Reagan to retire, according to the Twenty-Second Amendment, if not according to the People. But Reagan had made a man in his own image, whom he called George.

And George was sent to do battle with the Demons, and they were defeated: first Hart, then Biden, then Gephart, then Jackson, then finally Dukakis. They were sent to the Fiery Furnace, where they wept and gnashed their teeth. And the People created the Bush Presidency. And the People saw that it was good.

And Reagan said to George, "The People have put you in charge of America, to work and take good care of it. You are free to do as you choose, but beware: you must not eat the fruit from the Tree of Liberalism, or you will surely die." Then Reagan went to California, and George went to the White House.

Now all seemed to be good: the Court was balanced, the economy was booming, the Demons across the seas were all dying, the Evil Empire was crumbling. The people saw that it was good, and George became very popular. But there were still many Demons in the Garden of Washington, and the craftiest of these was the Serpent, who was a reporter.

Now the Serpent approached George, which was not difficult, for George loved to be approached, much more so than Reagan. And the Serpent said to George, "Oh, Great Popular One, oh Vanquisher of the Evil Empire, oh Eater of Many Fruits, why do you not eat the fruit from the Tree of Liberalism, which we Demons feast upon?"

And George thought for a long time, and finally replied, "Because Reagan commanded that I must not eat the fruit from that tree, or I would surely die."

"You will not surely die," the Serpent said to George, "for Reagan knows that if you eat that fruit your eyes will be opened, and you will be wiser and more popular than he."

And George thought for a long time, and looked toward the Tree of Liberalism. And he saw that the fruit on the Tree was very pleasing to the eye. And so George ate the fruit from the Tree of Liberalism, and did many liberal things. He called for a Clean Air bill, raised the minimum wage, sent kowtowers to china, weakened the military, invited homosexuals to the White House, abandoned Lithuania’s plea to leave the Evil Empire, met with Nelson Mandela, and finally, to the dismay of his own lips, raised taxes. And the people saw that it was not good.

And in George’s fourth year, George said, "Let the People be heard," and the Demons laughed at this, for they no longer believed that the People were stupid. And the People were heard, and George was sent to the Fiery Furnace, where he wept and gnashed his teeth. And the Demons returned to the White House.

And there was Darkness.

Robert E. Hughes is a sophomore from Lima, Ohio majoring in Political Science and minoring in History.