Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Restrained Holiday Greetings from Saturn

Greetings of the season to all of you.

I'm thankful to John for giving me the opportunity to write this blog. Originally, Neptune and I were supposed to write it together, but of course, our views on the season are not, shall we say, compatible, despite John's many and varied attempts to have us work in harmony together. So John reluctantly agreed to allow me to pen this one on my own, provided I don't throw any invective Neptune's way.

Speaking personally, I certainly expect that Neptune will likely have his say, and I expect John to ensure that he plays by the same rules as I am. To quote a famous movie and it's just as well, "That's all I have to say about that."

For his part, John been particularly lax about writing lately, and he's definitely put on some weight, but that's not because I haven't been reminding him to write, go to the gym, and eat less. Anyway, none of that is important right now. If John minds that I shared all that with you, I'll have to make my apologies to him. But I digress.

What is important at this time of year are the virtues that I instill, or try to, in all of you, but they become vital in this season of "merriment". I've never really seen the point of all this partying myself, but as a personal favor to me, I'd like you to make sure it doesn't get too out of control. So I'm asking this year for you to be particularly careful by abiding by the following rules.

1) Show self-restraint in all that you do, whether it be food, alcohol, or dress. An in-control person is a happy person. 2) Please act fiscally responsible. I know many of you overspend (Jupiter's influence, no doubt) and it's just not a smart idea to open up your credit card bills in January and realize what a huge mistake you've made. How about things that are well-made but less expensive this holiday season? If you're going to splurge a little bit, which I highly discourage, please buy from local small businesses. 3) Be modest in all things. Accept congratulations and greetings of the season with the appropriate decorum and respect.

There is a fourth point that John asked me to mention, but since it appears to be a distasteful attempt at shamelessly marketing his tarot and astrology services this holiday season, I feel I am duty-bound to ignore it. He doesn't seem to realize that his services, while entertaining and mildly interesting in a plebeian sort of way, foster a belief in the otherworldly, and many people would rather ask for guidance from stars or cards than use self-discipline to guide their lives. If people lived in blissful moderation in all things, instead of excess, they wouldn't need his services at all. This is the same man reading a book entitled "Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil"! IMAGINE!

Actually, when it comes to astrology, John doesn't know half of what you think he does, so why would you consult him, anyway? [I expect this last statement to be censored in the final draft of this blog. I'll have to hit SEND before he sees it.]

Once again, I hope you will hear and follow my guidance toward self-restraint and modesty this holiday season, no matter whose holiday you choose to celebrate. You will thank me in January when it's time for the all-important New Years' resolutions.

Very truly yours,

Saturn

PS: Despite what some astrologers may say, like the one who runs this blog, I am not as much of a prick as everyone thinks I am.

PPS: If you choose to celebrate Saturnalia, well...I hope you'll keep me in it. Thanks in advance for your support.