Flashback – 8 May 2012 –

Today marks one year since my (ex) boyfriend enlisted for the RAAF. I was stuck at school when he flew out, i didn’t get to see him off. But i did see him the night before.
Feelings were mixed.
I was scared. So was he. And both of us didn’t know if we could make the distance work. But for 7 months we did.

Tonight he posted a status about the enlistment and it took me back. Took me back to all our memories, the good and bad. The reunions and goodbyes. The late night phone calls and early morning texts. The late nights/early mornings I would talk to him while he was on piquet duty. The plane rides and times running through the airport to catch my flight. The tears and smiles. The heartbreak and love. The dropped skype calls and the rejoicing when it actually worked.
So many things flashed in my mind when i saw his status. So many feelings.

Even though we aren’t together anymore and we never will be again, and even though we are just on a very superficial friendship basis right now, i am so so so proud of him.
I remember what he had to go through. I remember all the personal hurdles he had to jump through. I remember the phone calls where i could hear his heart breaking. And i remember how proud he was when he graduated from basic. I know he will be equally proud when he graduates from this last bit of training.
And only I saw what he had to struggle through, he hid that from everyone else.

And because of all he’s achieved, I will always be proud of the man he has become. There are parts of him that needs work, there are parts of him that have changed for the worst and I hate it. But there are also parts of him that have grown, parts that are so beautiful and gentle and there are parts that have healed.
I know deep down he is going to be an amazing man someday, its just a shame that I’m not the girl who will get to eventually enjoy that.

So … Babe … If you ever read this, let it be known that I will ALWAYS be proud of you and a part of me will always miss and love you. That part is what kept me fighting till the end and it is the part that will always be waiting for you to return. Even though all the other parts of my heart know you wont.
You will be someone so gorgeous and amazing someday, I just wish we could of held on a little longer, fought a little harder than we did.

One year ago you were just a guy who was scared, facing the unknown, today you have grown into someone I admire and are proud of.