Monday, December 25, 2006

It creeps me out how every blog mourns every celebrity in the exact same way. That said, I just can't resist a good opportunity to repost James Brown's mugshot and that techno rave song James Brown Is Dead by LA Style, which came out 15 years before his death in 1991. FYI:

Despite the name of their most well-known song, James Brown was at that time still alive. Holy Noise made a reaction by releasing the single "James Brown Is Still Alive!" that same year. Traumatic Stress from The Netherlands then released "Who the fuck is James Brown?" in 1991 as well. "James Brown is Dead" was also sampled by German techno group Scooter on their 1999 single "Call Me Mañana"', taken from the 1998 album No Time To Chill.

Presumably this all has to do with the sample of James Brown's funky drummer. As a radio DJ interested in Dance music Van Diepen probably made this track as a reaction to Pop Will Eat Itself's "Not Now, James, We're Busy".

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Friday, December 22, 2006

The hotness that is gay porn star Johnny Hazzard has recently gone from skin flicks to singing pics. That is, he's trying his hand at music and music videos with the help of his long-time porn collaborator/director Chi Chi LaRue. Deeper Into You, his first original song, is in no way good and the video is even worse. But he's still really hot and half-naked so you'll probably want to watch the whole thing:

What!?!?!?! Why is he touching that exhaust fan on the roof? Why does Chi Chi cut to a close-up of it? Also, does anyone else think that this song suspiciously sound's like a bad version of Love and Rockets' So Alive? I do. I think Johnny should shut up and get naked. Or post another cute video of himself lip syncing and showing off his real dance moves. Or email me.

P.S. - A close friend of mine used to work at Franchesca's coffee shop up in Boston and used to see Mr. Hazzard on a daily basis before his porn star days when he like, worked across the street or something. I think they even cruised each other a bunch of times.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Marguerite Perrin, who flipped her shit on Trading Spouses last year when sent to live with an ungodly tarot card reader's family, is coming back! Well, she never really went away, seeing that she has a tricked out website and all, but still. She'll appear on a Jan. 19 two-parter for the same show.

I'm sure they're so going to coach her to use new and ridiculous non-words like her trademark "slag-kicks" and "god warriors," but I'm still gonna watch. Here's the clip that got me going in the first place:

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Has there been any juicy cult coverage in the news lately? I was just reading a stem cell story on Drudge and reminiscing about all the amazingness that was Brigitte Boissellier, the Raelian doctor who lied about cloning humans. So while other blogs and magazines present their best of 2006 lists, I present my top three cult personalities:

1. Brigitte Boisslier, Raelian doctor extraordinaire - Four years ago, Boisselier announced that she had cloned a bunch of babies to further the Raelian race, an alleged group of 55,000 who believe life on earth started from extraterrestrial DNA. She's my number one not because she lied her ass off but because she actually dared to appear on TV with those teeth and that hair. Hopefully she hasn't cloned herself yet because NOBODY wants to see two of those.

2. Marshall Applewhite, a.k.a. Bo of Heaven's Gate - Now cruising at rocket speed behind the Hale-Bopp comet, Applewhite convinced his 38 followers to lace up their brand new black and white Nike's and kill themselves so they could be transported to the "nearby" spaceship. He also tricked some of the dudes into castrating themselves in preparation for the journey. Damn. I hope they're having fun up their. They made some pretty hot websites in their day.

3. ShokoAsahara, founder of AumShinrikyo a.k.a. Aum Supreme Truth - Noticing a trend here? All these cult leaders are SUCH lookers! Asahara and his doomsday cult unleashed poisonous nerve gas in a Tokyo subway station, killing twelve and injuring nearly 1000 people. He also told his followers not to eat oily meats or junk food but was found meditating shortly after the gas attack with deep-friend prawns in his fridge. What the fuck? He's awaiting execution.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Yesterday, Christine, JR and Matt and I attended an early morning taping of The View. Okay, it wasn't really that early but we got to the uptown studio at 830am, which is earlier than I've had to wake up all year. Needless to say, I wasn't feeling chipper...

...but everybody else was.

We stood in line outside for an hour with lots of wholesome American women. That girl in the powder blue coat on the right brushed her hair about 200 time or so before entering the studio. Our crew is at the back of the line here because JR split his pants getting into the taxi cab.

There were some real gems standing outside of the studio with us, such as these two women. Lots of ladies opted to wear red and be festive for the holiday season. They also called their friends back in Ohio and Indiana to tell them they'd be on live television in two hours!!!

Inside the studio, we had to wait another hour before being seated. At this point, I was ready to pass out. Matt was so hyper that this lady told him to stop bumping into her and that he had already done it 10 times. Another lady pushed Christine to get into the elevator before her.

This is what life looks like to me at 10am. Intense and unpretty, as TLC would say.

JR posed with a photo of the twin towers in an attempt to be "funny." I told him he wasn't.

I cheered up on the way up because I was about to see Rosie, Barbara Wawa and Bette Midler, the headline guest of the day.

Before the show started, they tried to rile us up by inviting audience members to dance on stage. Notice how the ENTIRE AUDIENCE is women and fags. What's that about? Oh, and the guy and girl dancing together were quite a scene.

Watching the taping was just like watching it on TV. Rosie and Barbara had an awkward fight about rich people etiquette, Joy cracked jokes and Elizabeth whined. During commercials, Rosie would entertain the audience telling jokes or fielding questions while Barbara was made to look human again.

Seriously. Matt kept alleging that Barbara is a robot that they plug in for a few episodes each week. She's a smart cookie but that speech imediment has got to go. Her only audience interaction was to hug the slutty dancer girl for a 'be right back' spot.

After much speculation, we found out that the audience gifts were a handheld massager (read: vibrator) and Bette's Christmas cd, along with a crappy View bag. Matt was pissed because they had given away a $400 Nikon camera two days earlier...

...but not as pissed as the lady who sat next to Christine. She was like, "WHAT?!?!?!? My train ride here cost more than this crappy present!!!" I was like, ummm, you got free tickets to see a TV show. Calm down.

In the end, we made the most of our new presents, attempting to "massage" one another in our nether regions as we rode the elevator down and took the subway back to the East Village.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

When I was a wee teen living in the suburbs of NYC, I heard about Korova Milk Bar, an East Village hang out modelled after said venue from A Clockwork Orange. I only hung out in Korova once in my entire life, though I remember getting free tequila shots with my Coronas (!) and then fighting over the reclining chairs with whomever I was with. Sadly, the chairs were more memorable than the company.

Korova shuttered its doors this weekend after 10 years of intoxicating East Villagers. I won't really miss it or anything. Well, maybe the chairs, but that's it.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I pretty much have an aversion to posting anything that I've seen elsewhere on the interweb. Luckily, Ms. Teefa has had close to zero coverage outside of her home town of Chicago thus far. Standing five feet tall, she rivals Lady Sov and Lil Kim in the shortie-with-an-attitude department. And while her jams aren't exactly dancefloor friendly, her catchy choruses play on repeat in my head day and night.

I mean, how could you not love an artiste who's upcoming album is called Grown Ass Woman?! My two favorite singles use Heyyyyyyyy! as part of the chorus ("Shortie") and refer to a man's magic stick as his Jangalang. You heard it here first folks.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Since I've been receiving death threats for not updating my blog, I figured it was high time to post my pictures from Brazil. They're up at kodak gallery for the time being, so click HERE to see 'em (you don't have to sign in or anything so you can anonymously stalk me if you'd like. Just click on the album). And let me know what you think.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Last week, former KGB spy Alexander Litvinenko died of radioactive poisoning, but not before accusing Czar Putin of orchestrating the incident. You know Putin totally did it too. He had a journalist shot dead at her apartment complex earlier this year for openly criticizing his government and now he's on an international killing spree. I'm totally fasting if and when I DJ Moscow (although Putin also killed an oil tycoon and a secretary a few years ago by poisoning their phone!)

I'm a lazy little blogger, but I promise to have a photo album up soon. In the meantime, feast on this dude who I totally camera-stalked at the beach last week. This is what everyone in Brazil looks like (aka perfect):