I just wondering I cry when I see it and as I do I stare at my WS angrly and he says I fee you starring at me and I turn my head and cry even more

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois

confused615♀ 30826Member # 30826

Posted: 1:07 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

No. Never.

Sometimes he takes the remote and changes the channel..and holds my hand.

Or he will start talking about something,a little loudly, to distract me.

Or he hangs his head in shame.

He would never laugh. There's nothing funny about infidelity.

There was one time,we were watching a TV show, and something came on that was VERY VERY specific to what my WH did. It was the first time I had been faced with anything life that on TV..I froze..I literally could.not.move. I was like a deer in headlights. Wh asked.."Why are we still watching this??"...he was as freaked out as I was..but I couldn't reach for the remote..or move..so he did..but the damage was done. I got up,quietly, and went to the bathroom..I laid down on the floor and cried..and cried. He came in and he held me and told me he was sorry and he loved me.

The next time your WH laughs,ask him why he is laughing.

Im sorry he doesn't comfort you when you trigger. ''(((((SoOver)))))

BS(me)43
FWH 47
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

"Fuck fair!"...SisterMilkshake

Posts: 13485 | Registered: Jan 2011

Kelany♀ 34755Member # 34755

Posted: 1:08 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

No. He knows I get uncomfortable, often he will change the channel. We NEVER make light of cheating anymore.

In fact, we don't watch very much of anything for the simple fact infidelity is everywhere and we're both still kind of raw. We're very picky, and choosy in what we watch. My husband was hurt enough by my actions. He doesn't need to see a reenactment on screen.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 7540 | Registered: Nov 2011

Sal1995♂ 39099Member # 39099

Posted: 1:18 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

We try to avoid shows with that content, but no, she definitely does not laugh. If she did she'd be laughing her way right to divorce court.

BH
Reconciled

Posts: 1940 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southwest

SoOver96♀ 40169Member # 40169

Posted: 1:28 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

My WS ask me if I want to watch something else besides baseball I would rather watch baseball they don't talk about or do any cheating so I tell him no we can watch this I don't cry with baseball :-/ I wished he did give me a hug when the cheating scenes come on or fast forward it but nope

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois

JanaGreen♀ 29341Member # 29341

Posted: 1:31 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

Laugh? No. He doesn't really get affected/upset by it, but I usually don't either. If it bothers you and he's laughing? That's really awful.

Proud mom to a lovely young lady and a sweet little boy.

Posts: 7833 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Southeast US

SoOver96♀ 40169Member # 40169

Posted: 1:34 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

That's the thing I don't think he knows I'm crying Even with me sitting right next to him

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois

JanaGreen♀ 29341Member # 29341

Posted: 1:38 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

((HUGS)) do you feel comfortable talking to him about your feelings? Is it possible he doesn't realize how much this affects you?

There's some cheating on TV that doesn't bother me because it's SO different from my situation. And there's some that does. I let him know quickly if there's something I don't want to watch!

Proud mom to a lovely young lady and a sweet little boy.

Posts: 7833 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Southeast US

tushnurse♀ 21101Member # 21101

Posted: 2:25 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

Laugh? seriously? That is grounds for justified assault.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 16 & 18
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 11901 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis

philly172♀ 19024Member # 19024

Posted: 2:31 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

No, my WH gets noticeably uncomfortable & if he's got the remote he will change the channel.. He wont even listen to cheating songs on the car radio

"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

As a matter of fact, he can be a lot more sensative than me about things coming up on TV or on a song. I've had times when he's just either turned the channel, switched songs on Pandora, or has asked me if I'm OK. He's made a couple of jokes that were triggery and immediately apologized when he sees/senses that I'm upset.

Because that's what a remorseful spouse who loves you does, when you're upset. Same thing when he triggers I comfort him.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 8003 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California

Ashland13♀ 38378Member # 38378

Posted: 3:31 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

Though we are D, he cannot stand to even hear the words in relation to other people

On Red Eye the other night, Greg Gutfeld said that if a married man suddenly starts working out like crazy and obsessing about his appearance, he's cheating....100%.

I burst out laughing. Non-remorseful, non-regretful WH just got very quiet.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England

kansas1968♀ 32214Member # 32214

Posted: 3:34 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

After DDay we have totally changed what we watch. Infidelity is absolutely off the menu. I won't even watch relationship movies. He should never laugh at those movies. That is the most cruel thing I can think of.

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1353 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas

Unagie♀ 37091Member # 37091

Posted: 4:30 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

For awhile it was like exSO purposely put on shows or videos about infidelity. Seriously I'd read the description and skip over it and he'd go lets watch that. I would cringe, cry, and be ready to run and throw up by the end. I don't laugh at infidelity it makes me sick to think how much I enjoyed certain shows that focus on it so much before.

Posts: 3615 | Registered: Oct 2012

englishrose♀ 34974Member # 34974

Posted: 6:06 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013

He will avoid such programmes, or if something A related comes up as part of a storyline, then he'll try to comfort me.

We were watching 'Mr Selfridge' last evening, well I was - fWH was reading but kinda watching/listening, we'd gone to bed thus our home was v.quiet otherwise. He stalled from his reading, and watched silently at the Mrs Selfridge/Miss Love scene unfolded. I was'glued' to the bed, you know that nailed to the spot feeling - the scene was v.similar to a visit I had from OW -the conversation between the two characters was strikingly similar.

I cried. He was visibly moved by the scene,he was silent, stunned. He/we didn't switch channels, and he held my hand 'til I fell asleep after the programme.

He never laughs. Ever.

Usually whilst triggered by TV programmes,I either end up in tears, or go onto one of my rants about I in general...his A, the happenings of his A, and of course OW. He always tries to comfort me.

Absolutely not. He grabs the remote and changes the channel right away and begs for my forgiveness. He doesn't want to watch any shows with nudity or sexual scenes either. Basically we watch nothing but Disney movies with our kids and the news.

Mine made absolutely no connection between his behavior and infidelity on TV, in movies, or among people we knew. He could work up a good head of disgust for others' cheating--and never, EVER relate it to his own behavior.

After d-day, I was stymied. I learned that, at the time my sister was struggling with a horrendous d-day (years before mine), my husband was cheating.

At the time, he was appalled by my BIL's actions.

It genuinely never occurred to him ---and yes, he is personality disordered--that his actions were equally as abhorrent.

He's special like that.

BS-me, 54; WH (Trac-fone), 55, PD---divorcing
So much for the past and present. The future is called "perhaps," which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you--Tennessee Williams