Guess That Celebrity: This Sex Worker Edition

My professional goal as a Dark Web blogger is to find a Guess That Celebrity that is genuinely impossible to guess. A celeb would have to mangle his or her face and body swiftly and discretely for me to pull one over on you. This was the closest I got. Until today? Probably not. Because goddamn Tom Felton. Sunscreen. It exists.

When I was gauging the guessability of today’s mystery starlet, my coworker said, and this is true: “Oh, is this that famous porn star?” The answer is, for all intents and purposes: “Yes.” But which one? Today’s Guess That Celebrity is a testament to the loose morals of Tijuana plastic surgeons and to the power of Photoshop. Is she nineteen, or fifty? Is she alive, or merely a fairly put-together RealDoll. And is she even a she? All will be revealed. Time to guess.