notsoARKANE

Sunday, February 20, 2011

If you are able to write something without having to be quick like an introduction on a webpage...or even a BLOG for conversation's sake...why the hell wouldn't you use spell check/dictionary.com/or a real friggin dictionary for that matter if you aren't sure how to spell something? How do I know you aren't sure? Because you spelled the same damned word wrong 3 times, 3 different ways. It's not like you were mispelling it and did the same mistake 3 times....

Then you have the audacity to write in an email that you are looking for "unteligent convo with a classey wemun." I am bewildered...really I am. Especially since it says English is your first language.

about me section (I am just copying and pasting...this shit is for real):

I'm a fun loven guy who's kind, considerat, funny and a little bit of a teas. Like to have fun and be a little goffy at time's.Looking for some one who's fun to be around, who's spontaneis and willing to try knew thin's. I's very consideret and compasinet. Love's to cudel, weather in front of the T.V., the moives, or watching the sun set. Like's to hike, go biking and love's to explore knew places. I'll try anything once and see what kinda fun can make out of it. Oh ya you must not be alergice to cats. Please let me know before hand.

I am a survival buff, love to wounder off into middel of noware and survive off the land. Very ruff camping, like to build my own shelter and start fires without matches or lighters. just enjoy the peace and quit of my suroundings.

I drive a super-18. I keep it shiny and neat, cause I take pride and joy at driven it.

I like moives, eating out at a decent place. I dont drink but dont have a problum going to bars or clubs. I can be desenated driver if need be. But I do prefer my wemon to be sober. Its just more interesting that way.

My faverit thing to do is make something with my hands, trying to be creative.

**Okay so, I need a drink...

The really sad part is that I almost thought he was being uber sarcastic till I read that he likes to keep his 18 wheeler shiny and neat. I would rather date a prison guard. Why...if there is a God...why....why? uh, the only word I will leave you with as my answer to all of this....is UNTELIGENT.

Born without an umbilical cord...or just cold hearted bitch...hrmmm.?.?.? I am left wondering, even though I know I am in the right, if I could be a little nicer when ripping out someone’s heart and stomping all over it. I am going to put this into type in hopes that someone will read this and understand that there is another side to what you may think is going on.

I know that people know what personal space is...and that it is different for each person. If you do something and a person asks you nicely not to do it again...then you DON’T DO IT! Talking to someone a couple of times and then hanging out with them once doesn’t constitute a relationship, friend or otherwise. Don’t write shit in your blogs about what you think is going on without having any clue what the other person was or is thinking. If I ask you not to touch me...or to not be in my space it doesn’t necessarily mean I think you are trying to have sex with me...it has nothing to do with sex...it means that you are in a space of mine...and are unwelcomed PERIOD. A "connection" is only a connection if the other person is reciprocating what you are laying down. You can’t just decide that you have a connection with someone despite what they may feel. Ever hear that saying...don’t count all of your eggs till they’ve hatched? It’s not my fault that you made an ass out of yourself...LIVE and LEARN...I have.

Children die every year when left in hot cars. Their parents were either just "running in" or thought leaving the window open a little would be ok. They obviously get zapped with my "your and idiot" tazer. Apparently there are those parents who accidentally leave their kids in the car. They forget they left their child in the car and end up going to work or where ever they were headed (yes this really does happen). These people get tazered several times. How in the parental fuck do you forget a human being? And as if we don't cater to stupid people enough, automotive groups are trying to get sensors put in cars to let you know when you are an ignorant piece of shit and left your flesh and blood in the back seat. If you can't remember that your child is in the car then you shouldn't be able to procreate. Hell, you shouldn't be able to have a driver's license. You're and idiot. We don't need to add sensors and cost to a car to allow you to continue to be an idiot. I vote for sterilization and taking the bus.

The stork dropped a little girl on the door step of an Arkansas couple. This doesn't really sound too wacky does it? Well hold on to your vulva. This couple just had their 17th child. Yes you heard me, 17. And they are thinking of having more. The kids range from 19 to the new born. Mom is 40. So that would mean the new born will be in high school when mom nears retirement (im sure she is not working). Oh and I love the fun fact that mom has been pregnant for over 10 years of her life. I don't even know what to think about this one. They must just fall right out of this woman like wet soap in the hands of a prison convict. This is what happens when you mix your religion with your vagina. Keep religion out of the bedroom! Oh the insanity.

No matter what your IQ you can still be retarded. Scientists have created a new element. Don't get too excited. I know how something like this can wet your panties. It won't be named for a few years. It has to be duplicated by scientists. Are you ready for the punch line? I know you are on the edge of your seat with anticipation. The new element was created by smooshing (yes that's a technical term) Calcium with Californium. Californium? Yes for those of you who are not up on the new man made elements Californium is another one of them. Apparently we pay D&D geeks to bombard elements together and come up with new elements. That's fine with me. Maybe they can come up with a cure for cancer, end world hunger or discover a perpetual energy source. Let's see here what is Californium good for? Hmm,

-neutron moisture gauges used to find water and petroleum layers in oil wells portable

-neutron source in gold and silver prospecting for on-the-spot analysis

So basically it can be used to poison us and make us paranoid. Great that is just what we needed. Even with all these wonderful uses there is one use we all know will weigh more than the others. Apparently it's very unstable and great for bombs. And after coming up with this wonderful element what did our brilliant scientists name their new discovery? Something odd like XL754? Some obscure character from star trek? Something in Latin? Hell, even a combination of their kid's names would be fine. This bunch of hippies named it after California, californium. I think that's great. We can have a michiganium element. It will be really fat and a little hillbilly. An ohioinium, It will be well, pointless but really proud of its hairless nut, And a texasinium, It will be really huge and steal elections using its fathers money.

Now, I'm not looking for anyone to correct my lack of scientific knowledge here. So don't get your panties in a bunch about correcting that aspect of this rant. Apparently there is a type of chimp called the Bonobo. They are starting to become extinct. I hate when any species of living thing on this planet gets put on that list. That's not the reason for this rant. What makes the Bonobo so different is they have a nickname. They have been dubbed the hippie chimp. The reason for this name is very interesting. Instead of fighting between tribes or using anger during squabbles, the hippie chimp settles things with sex. "Bonobos are known for greeting rival groups with genital handshakes and sensual body rubs. Bonobo spats are swiftly settled often with a French kiss and a quick round of sex." Hmm now isn't this interesting. Now I know what you are thinking, that I hate hippies. Well, yes I do. They should all shower, shave and stop wearing pajamas as everyday clothing. I just think that our leaders, lawmakers and public officials have been fucking us for years. I think it's a good idea they should have to start fucking each other for a change might bring some well needed peace.