Walter Funk

Walter Funk was a legend.Yet if you ask most people today they won't have heard of him.

Submitted: August 03, 2016

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Submitted: August 03, 2016

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Walter Funk by Chris Green

Walter Funk was a legend. Yet, if you ask most people today, they will not have
heard of him. Walter Funk has no Wikipedia page and an internet search will take you instead to the Nazi economist, Walther Funk, but we need not concern ourselves with him. Walter, on the other
hand, was a genius. He invented reversible clothes pegs and double sided fridge magnets, tipped cigars and weather vanes that shoot, so many things that we use every day. Yet, in these fickle days
of throwaway fashions and disposable heroes, he has all but been forgotten. His name has disappeared from the history books.

Walter came from humble beginnings. He and his brother Marvin were born above a
kaleidoscope repair shop in Shenton Bovis in the days between the wars. Money was tight. Their parents, Ken and Diedre Funk struggled against mounting debts to keep a roof over the brothers' heads,
Diedre perhaps more than Ken. Their debt levels were buoyed up by Ken's gambling addiction which meant that Diedre often had to work double shifts at the cellophane factory to keep the bailiffs
away. While Marvin did poorly at school, condemning him to a series of dead-end jobs, Walter displayed precocious talent, excelling at everything he turned his hand
to.

Most of all, though, Walter showed an aptitude for invention. From the inflatable
dartboard to the bouncing eggcup, he kept coming up with ideas for useful bits and pieces that people felt they just had to have. The one that really set the world alight was the wind-up tortoise.
No longer was it necessary to find a warm place to house your pet for the long winter. The success of this was quickly followed by the clockwork hedgehog and the battery powered
pigeon.

In 1944, at just twenty years old, Walter Funk was named Time magazine's Man of
the Year, the youngest by far to achieve the honour. The award was announced in the same edition of Time that exposed the real story about the war. As you now know, World War 2 actually finished in
1940, but both sides agreed to keep up the pretence of hostilities in order to keep people in work. There was of course, no actual fighting after the December truce of
1940.

Famous people in the modern world can be seen as products and as such they are
subject to the stages of the product life cycle, namely introduction,growth, maturity and decline. Perhapsafter declinewe might add disappearance. Certainly, this seems to apply inthe case of Walter
Funk. People in the public eye have a shelf life and a sell by date.Walter's rise was so swift that his declineappears to have been equally swift. By
1950,apparentlyravaged by drink and drugs, Walter was on the
scrap heap.There are no further references to
himafter this date.If you trollaround the second-hand
bookshops in your town, you might find an old encyclopaedia that still carries a referenceto him, but all rewrites have taken out all records of his great achievements.If you now look up Time
magazine's records,you will discover that they nowlist someone
called Eisenhower as 1944 Man of the Year, quite clearly a fictitious character.You may notice toothat they have once againbegun to introducefanciful accountsof the fierce fighting in World War Two andstories aboutan atom bomb. Can you believe it?What will they think of next?

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Great story Chris, I have a mint condition inflatable dart board that, due to money problems, I advertised for sale at the low price of 300.00 dollars. Now that I read your story I understand why I never got an offer. Walter Funk is on the back of the box demonstrating the board but he is not named? One invention you failed to mention was the underwater record player. Made taking a bath more enjoyable.
Cool story Chris - Write-on

AuthorReply

Comment | 28 words

Wed, August 3rd, 2016 4:22am

I've been looking for an underwater record player for ages, Bob. Is it a genuine Walter Funk model though. There are many fake ones in circulation.
Regards
Chris

Another great story, Chris. And how I'd just love one of those bouncing egg cups. They sure were some great inventions Walter came up with. And people in the public eye having a shelf life and sell-by date.....I can think of a few cases where that would be a good thing.

Hi Chris
Not too happy with my double sided fridge magnets at the moment, I ordered a set and they keep dragging my fridge/freezer together. On the bright side I might get a little esky or two to take on picnics. They could be handy. Quirky and short. Very well done.
Megan

AuthorReply

Comment | 15 words

Thu, August 4th, 2016 11:40pm

Thanks Megan. I'm pleased that you liked it. It was fun to write.
regards
Chris