The 53-year-old actor, who played lifeguard Mitch Buchannon on the TV beach drama for 11 years, was shaving at a gym in the Sanderson Hotel on Thursday when he hit his head on a chandelier, showering his arm with broken glass, his publicist, Judy Katz, said.

Sounds like a bunch of crap to me. I bet he was having gay sex in the bathroom and refused to pay so he got cut.

Or maybe he was tied up and hanging from the chandelier in some bdsm thing and it went horribly wrong.

I've been in a lot of gyms and there's never once been a chandelier in the bathroom. Do famous people have different bathrooms?

STOCKTON, Calif. - Former "Saturday Night Live" cast member Rob Schneider was taken to a Northern California hospital after collapsing from food poisoning and heat exhaustion during the filming of an upcoming movie.

Remember, "food poisoning" and "exhaustion" are Hollywood code words for drug overdose. Or maybe the movie is so bad that the gods struck him down in an effort to stop it from being made. Personally I think it was the latter becaue Rob just isn't cool enough to be doing drugs. He's lucky his colon didn't leap up through his body and try to strangle him.

Christina Aguilera has apparently gone crazier than a rat that lives in a septic tank.

During promo interviews she's refused to look at any journalist. Instead, the diva insists that the interview, for which she's usually two to four hours late, takes place in a dimly lit room, where she sits and stares in the other direction completely to the journalists while they ask, and she answers, questions.

It's like psych therapy. I bet she lies down on a couch and tells them about her childhood. "And then Britney was so mean to me after the Mickey Mouse show. She wouldn't let me use any of her lip gloss."

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

This month's Wired has a list of things that could be keeping your blog from making you famous.

After reading it I think I'm on my way!

Here's the list.

You aren't kamikaze enough to risk your career by revealing the soul crushing absurdity of your job. That's probably true. I don't really have an interesting career, either. I'd torpedo it, but no one would care.

You aren't sufficiently vain or presumptuous to declare yourself a hot twentysomething female (even if it's true). Actually I could do that, I just don't want to. I'm all man, baby.

You're not ready to declare on the internet what you really think about the raging hypocrites nesting in your life. Why, yes, yes I am. In fact I often get into trouble for telling them to their faces what assclowns they are.

You have yet to explore the wonders of shameless self-promotion, groveling, and media whoring. Profiles in the New York Times don't always come free. Well, I don't grovel, but I'm really good at the self-promotion. As for the media whoring, I'll have those melonballers wrapped around my little finger. And fsck the New York Times. They're dead media. Lapdogs and ball lickers of power and the establishment. I actually have more respect for the Weekly World News. At least they didn't sell their integrity to that little monkey George W. Bush.

Whooohooo! I can't wait until I'm on Oprah and can tell her what I really think of her.

For the wife of Ed Wood who passed away yesterday at the age of 84. Kathleen O'Hara Wood died ofcancer of the esophogus at Hollywood Presbyterian Queen of AngelsHospital on June 26, 2006. She and Wood were together for27 years before the director's death in December of 1978.

Ed was a man you could admire. He was never good at anything but he never stopped making movies. He knew they were crap and he just kept on.

Tom & Nicole: Never Married? - Yahoo! News: "The BBC reported Monday that, while there has been speculation that Kidman got her first marriage annulled so that she andKeith Urban could say their 'I do's' in a Catholic chapel, it turns out that, because she and Cruise swapped vows upon the altar that L. Ron Hubbard built, she wasn't legally married in the first place--as far as the Catholic Church is concerned, that is."

Limbaugh's Viagra Fall? - Yahoo! News: "The radio pundit, currently serving 18 months of court supervion in his healdine-making prescription fraud case, was detained Monday at Palm Beach International Airport Monday after officials found a bottle of the little blue pills in Limbaugh's luggage with someone else's name on the label.

According to the talk show host's attorney, Roy Black, Limbaugh was not reverting back to his fraudulent ways, and claimed the incident instead was a misunderstanding. "

Man, that's a good lawyer. He's probably up in court making weird hand gestures and saying, "These are not the drugs you are looking for." That's a Jedi Lawyer, worth every penny he's paid, even if he is on the dark side.

Monday, June 26, 2006

I usually restrict this blog to how much celebrities suck. But it's really about much more than that. There's a philosophy behind all this snark. And that philosophy is this: the rich, powerful and famous suck, no matter who they are. They suck and they deserve to be told so by a smartass like me. When the revolution comes they'll make me a saint, and then they'll say horrible things about me, because I will have become rich and powerful, and I will deserve it.

Since the military provides just 6 to 12 computers for every 1,000 or so troops, time limits of 10 to 15 minutes per day are often enforced at Morale Welfare Recreation Cafés (the complicated name for military internet cafés). Anyone who sorts through spam, reads forwarded articles and jokes, then tries to respond to “real” email knows 15 minutes isn't enough. Josh Hines, a soldier from Conway who recently returned from Iraq , confirmed that the Army lacks internet services and lamented the scarcity of entertainment options. It should come as no surprise, then, that some enterprising military personnel have engineered an alternative. Hajjinets, the common term for troop-owned ISPs, have sprung to life on almost every base around Iraq. A typical Hajjinet is built and maintained by one or two soldiers and can provide nearly 24-hour internet access (until the region is stabilized and electrical lines can be installed, generators must occasionally be powered down for maintenance). Most Hajjinets are small, serving between 20 and 30 troops, but ISPs serving as many as 300 are known to exist. In a country wracked by war, where even the capital city receives only intermittent electricity, where people's lives are in constant peril, and where even basic necessities are scarce, this is no small victory.

It's a pretty long article. I think what they're doing is great. When the big telcos and the government finally get their shit together and start controlling our access to the net you'll see things like this popping up in your own neighborhood.

So more power to them.

Oh, and quit the damn Army, you buncha dumbasses. If the people in charge of it can't run an isp how the hell are they ever going to put Iraq back together? I've got no problem with soldiers...I have a lot of friends and family in the military. My problem is with the military itself. The time for that sort of centralized control and discipline is over.

Jillian....well I know the name. All of the tv shows and movies she's been on are universally crap. Also, do you realize she's 40 years old? She must rub herself down with chopped up Chinese embryo's or something.

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman, who willmarry country singer Keith Urban this weekend in Sydney, may have atlast found true love, said the Catholic priest who will perform theceremony.

Jesuit Father Paul Coleman, who met the couple this week to discusstheir marriage expected on Sunday, said he had a "good feeling abouttheir chances."

He went on to say, "I also feel good about my chances of getting a feel of an altar boy in the confessional after mass."

MONKEES frontman DAVY JONES has launched astonishing attack on deadrockers KURT COBAIN, JIMI HENDRIX, ELVIS PRESLEY and JANIS JOPLIN,questioning why society worships people who wasted their lives. The61-year-old I'M A BELIEVER singer insists they wouldn't have beenidolised if they were still alive. Jones says, "I don't have a lot ofrespect for people like Jimi Hendrix, or Kurt Cobain, or Janis Joplinor Elvis Presley, because they all killed themselves in one way oranother. "Although I often wonder what they'd be doing now if they werestill alive. Would they be these crumbling lookalikes of the samepeople, greeting people at the entrance of Caesar's Palace?"

So is that your excuse, Davy? Maybe you should have considered overdose as a career move.

Before talking this sort of trash you should really learn to play an instrument other than the tamborine.

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. denied that they are splitting up.

Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar are swatting down rumorsthat they've split. The couple have been married since the fall of 2002(an eternity, in celebrity years), but sources say that lately they'vebeen living separate romantic lives. "Ever since he started that show'Freddie' things were over," sniped a source. Leslie Sloane Zelnik, whoreps both Prinze, 30, and the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" star, 29,assured us that the couple were still "completely together" and even"spending this weekend together at [Zelnik's] house in Connecticut."

Ok, here's a clue, people. When you're really not breaking up you don't have to have your publicist issue a statement.

Usually the first place I hear a rumor is when someone is denying it. That's how I know it's true.

Yeah, he had it 20 years ago, which is why all his tv shows suck so much. It just took this long for anyone to notice.

Aaron Spelling resting after stroke - Yahoo! News: "LOS ANGELES - Aaron Spelling, producer of TV's 'Beverly Hills, 90210' and 'Charlie's Angels,' suffered a stroke at his Holmby Hills estate over the weekend and was being treated at home, his publicist said Wednesday.

'He had a stroke Sunday at home,' said spokesman Kevin Sasaki. 'I don't know the extent of it. But if it had been some incredible degree, he would have been taken to the hospital.'"

Doctors said they weren't aware of any paralysis...except to his sense of character and plot.

"June 21, 2006 -- LINDSAY Lohan and Sean Combs are at war. At a private concert by Prince at Butter last Friday, when Lohan got up to argue with Paris Hilton over Stavros Niarchos, Puffy and his posse squeezed into her table. 'There were only like six tables,' a witness says. 'Everyone was sharing, but Lindsay refused and began mixing it up with Puffy. His bodyguards came over and picked Lindsay up to get her out.' A member of Diddy's camp confirmed, 'Lindsay was being so loud and obnoxious. His security became concerned and came over to escort her away.'"

If Lindsay was a really big star her bodyguards would have beaten up Puffy's bodyguards. But she's not. One day, after she dies from a coke overdose, this will all be a tv movie. I voluteer to write the screenplay.

Kylie Minogue's sister. S0me people think she's hot. I think those people are blind asstards.

She's, what, 26? She already needs a facelift. Plus she's got scarred knees and a really horrible fashion sense. She looks like a divorced soccer mom going out on a date with some guy she met on match.com.