Friday, May 15, 2015

Once again I'm bending my own rules because for some reason or other the VIDEO CARD BOX ART INDUSTRY has collapsed. (Perhaps it's based in some country with an unstable economy?) There's really a general lack of worthwhile box art coming out these days.

Luckily, I was pointed to this fantastic bit of work! (I know, it's not a video card, whatev.)

So, picture this:

You're out on a date. You're at a malt shop. You're happily chatting it up with your date, sipping your oreo snickerdoodle caramel mocha malt. You pop a few fries in your mouth. Your phone vibrates. You reflexively reach into your pocket and pull it out to see who's calling...

AND A GIANT RED SATAN CLAW HAND REACHES OUT OF YOUR PHONE AND INTO YOUR SOUL, REPLACING IT WITH SEARING HOT LIGHTNING DEATH.

Or at least that's what I assume this app does. Maybe it's a game. I dunno, I didn't read the details that closely, as I was busy fearing for my soul.

Let's rate this thing as best we can... Perhaps I'll have to make a new scorecard for app artwork?

GUYS!!!! Let's total this thing up! I have a feeling this is going to set a new precedent!

+8 for Fictitious Monsters (they're EVERYWHERE!)
+2 for Energy Bursts (I only see 2? It's hard to tell what with all the fire and lightning)
+15 for Armor (Honestly, I lost count of how many characters are in this image, but let's assume they're all coated in enchanted Adamantium Mithril Helms)
+1 for Lightning
+1 for Fire
+3 for Weapons (I see a sword IN THE LOGO OF THE GAME. How badass is that??)
+3 for Wizards those girls are wizards right? Or is that the same girl 3 times?)
+1 for whatever you wanna call that glowing blurry claw mark thing

Total: 34 — A NEW RECORD!!!

Perhaps all of the video card box art artists have gone the way of the App?