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I see the value of attending meetings as connecting you with a sober community which is good as humans should be connected to a community in one way or another, the more positive the better. Alot of times in addiction we find ourselves connecting with the most negative types of people, not to judge anyone for anything but negativity is a part of addiction let's face it.
When one connects with a negative community, they often shut themselves out from connecting with a positive community...

So begins the great humbling experience of attending self-help meetings on the regular.
I will share my reflections on this solely for the time being in this journal.
Also one last mention of the smut issue by way of doctor's video, I feel NoFap is the place to really discuss the specifics of that but this offers a comparison of drug-like effects on the brain:
“Sit down before fact as a little child, be prepared to give up every preconceived notion, follow humbly wherever and to whatever...

Did this erase my first entry? When I clicked the button to begin a new entry this old one was showing. Hmmm, let's try it regardless.
I am utilizing SMART Recovery's online tools and will go to my first meeting this Saturday. I don't expect to get help from going, I expect it to check my ego and foster humility. I surely have read more books on addiction than was needed to understand this is not something I can do without the help of spiritual teachings.
This being said I still feel...

Firstly I despise thinking of even using cannabis when sober. I smoked more than my fair share beginning from middle school picking up to a daily heavy habit first year of high school.
Secondly my current DOC is not really a choice but more like a demon trying to kill me. Propylhexedrine is complete garbage for someone with a choice of using chemicals recreationally. The fact I have used it as much as I have and have less than a week clean points to the fact I need to avoid alcohol like...

Journal Description

Drug of choice at present (will not discuss past right now) propylhexedrine (due to not paying for it and it being everywhere up and down the street). Only ingest it with copious amounts of booze. Vanilla extracts were being consumed too. Very bad things to be consuming by themselves let alone mixing. Such was the devastation factor in this downhill excursion into wasted existence caused by addiction. Oh and smut. Erotic pixels. Research points to how this can affect the brain much like amphetamines but more on that later.

This opening post is just a way for me to get my higher power if you will onto this journal before I begin.

I don't for one second believe I can overcome addiction by my own ego.