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Flag Football, Celeb-Style

So I'm walking out of the media center this morning and run right into Jerad from Subway. He's wearing a Jeff Saturday Colts jersey - so we know where his allegiances rest - and was looking a little hefty. On the walk to the beach for the DirecTV Celebrity Beach Bowl flag football game, I pass a model shoot in front of the Royal Palm hotel and a fleet of 12 Lamborghini's passes me on Collins.

Welcome to South Beach my friends.

We get to the beach and our boy Jeremy, who is doing PR, takes care of us. Next thing you know were palling around with Steve-O, Matt Leinart, Ickey Woods, Michael Clarke-Duncan (the huge guy from "The Green Mile" and actor Terry Crews (remember those Office Linebacker commercials.

Crews lifts up this Caridee English character - she's from America's Next Top Model, I am told - and starting literally flinging her all over the place as they ham it up for the cameras.

"I'm so excited I'm on your team (for the flag football game," English said while being lifted to and fro, prominently displaying the word MODEL written across the back of her booty shorts. "Is your wife here?"

There are random models everywhere, just because, from what I gather. A whose who of ex-players are joking around - Warren Moon, Steve Young, Tim Brown, Doug Flutie - and there's a spread with subs, chicken, Cokes, Coors Lights (we managed to resist the urge to crack the first of the day right there, undoubtedly the first time I have ever turned down the option of unlimited free beers).

Ickey Woods is a cool dude. I remain a huge fan of the Ickey Shuffle to this day, and saw the big man pull one off (he has gotten rather large). He says that an ESPN poll voted his dance the second-best TD celebration of all-time, and he's inclined to agree.
Like most of us, he believes the NFL's rigorous anti-celebration police are going too far, and concedes that the endless request for him to do the Shuffle has gotten a little old.

"At times, yeah, it does get old," said Woods, a star with the Bengals who lost to San Fran. in the Super Bowl. "I'm getting older now and not as easy as it used to be. I can't just hop and skip like I used to."

Then, around 12:15, the guy we most wanted to see showed up, and immediately poured a beer over his face. Steve-O, from Jackass and repeated crazy stunt fame, is a natural. I give the guy credit, he's always in character and there to give you what you need.

He picked the Colts to win the game, but readily admitted he's here for one reason - the women. I would like to quote him more, but he may have set a land-speed record for F-bombs. His knuckles spelled out two curse words. He was there to serve as a referee, and the crowd indeed loved him, even though his knowledge of football was rudimentary at best.

So, any chance he'll actually watch the Super Bowl and be able to remember anything about it?

"Doubtful, dude," he said, with that perma-smile on his face. "I don't do sober and coherent."

Clarke-Duncan hit it off with Steve-O right away, amazed at the combination of fearlessness/stupidity that allows him to perform such stunts. "I wish you were big and black," Clarke-Duncan said while hovering above Steve-O. "You could be my stunt double any day."

Once the game began, it was no joke. The athletes quickly got into it - Young was sacked once into the sand with nary an attempt made to actually snag his flag - and Clarke-Duncan (I am guessing he'd come in around 6-6, 300) bull-rushed after Moon on like every play. Moon, meantime, fired bullets with his release, even on like 4-yard passes.

Flutie broke his sunglasses trying to defend Dwight Clarke on a floating pass from Young reminiscent of "The Catch" and there were big-time celebrations with Andre Rison made a sliding touchdown grab in the corner of the end zone, nearly taking out the crowd in the front it.

It was on, people.

Maria Menounos was the MC, and admittedly had no idea who was winning the game at one point. Which was perfect. It was a lot of fun and you actually got a glimpse of the kind of skill these guys have, even after retirement (Moon's delivery was tight, still), Steve-O had a live mic as well (which kept everyone amused), and every celeb I approached was cool.

Obviously, they get this part of the deal. I was shocked at how the camera guys were like full-on paparazzi pre-game in the VIP tent, with the shutters flickering constantly and the lens like 2 inches from the target's face. But they didn't even blink an eye much less flinch. True pros.

Anyway, the whole thing was a good time. New Found Glory performed at halftime, but I had to split before then to get to Prince (frankly, I would have done whatever necessary to get out of hearing-range of those kids, regardless). Props to Jeremy for his help. There is a celebrity volleyball deal on the beach Saturday, and we'll definitely check that out, too. Supposed to be like 350 models there from what Jeremy told us. Yikes.

Hey guys, check out my first blog entry at the ProFootballWeekly site! I drop a little Art Monk dap into my talk...maybe if y'all drop a few comments on my blog my editor will look for me to write some more!

Hi Jason,
South Beach is ridiculous. Make sure to stop by the Clevelander for a cocktail or two...typically live bands and the women are stunning. I maybe down for the weekend. I've been out of the loop for a bit, any skins bloggers down, any parties planned?

Jason is in South Beach because that's where the football is!
He may actually get behind the scenes as former Pets prep for the Penthouse party tomorrow. I keep seeing the guys at the end of "Dumb and Dumber" rejecting the Hawaiian Tropic offer....Our JLaC was much savvier!
I. Hate. The. King.

This is a totally "unrelated to football"...STUPID question...but I'm hoping someone can help me.

Seems I have a lot of electricity in my body lately....I keep getting shocked by car doors, etc. Last night I came home and turned on my TV (not with the remote) - I got shocked and the TV went off. I turned it on again and it works but my remote does not. I've tried changing batteries and even tried a different remote to no avail. Does anyone have any idea what could have happened? I know this is a stupid chick question but it truly puzzles me...along with the nuisance of having to manually turn the volume up and down.

The most likely cause of your problem is static electricity which is very prevalent in cold dry weather. Static electricity has very high voltage and very low current, so it cannot harm you; but it can easily fry sensitive electronic equipment. If you have carpets, walking across the floor can cause the static electricity to build up on you. When you then touch something metallic, you will get a shock. You and the metalic piece are at different electric potentials. It also happens with cars because they are insulated from the ground by rubber tires. When you touch the ground and the car at the same time, you may get a shock because of the potential difference.

As a kid, you may remember rubbing a balloon on a furry cloth and then having the ballon stick to your hair. The static electricity is the cause.

It's hard to tell what happened to the tv, or the remote, but it is possible that the receiver in the tv that responds to the signal in the remote got fried. You could try unpluggin the tv, and then plugging it back. That sometimes will reset electronic equipment. I am no expert on tvs and remotes, but it may be worth a try.

lisa, were you hit by a bright light/sorta kinda like lightning from the sky?
do you appear smarter, fresher, articulater?
can you see in the future?
are you rembering things that you had forgotten? like you owe me some money?

if you answered "yes" to any of the above then lisa, ignore everything mark said. i think you are the PHENOMENON. listen to me you've been made. if you don't want to spend the rest of your life being probed like a lab rat. take some tape and go to your window and mark it X. an Empire cab will come pick you up in 5 minutes. hurry, we don't have much time.

4th, that's the one thing where i draw the line. dude, he was raped. nothing cool about it. if the dude had parents, and belonged to his own family like Navin Andrews[ of the ABC series Lost who fathered his teacher's child while in HS], that's one thing but to take advantage of a boy who doesn't know any better is just plain wrong. and it's illegal. it's rape.

i know i'm making a distinction of two things that appear to be very similar but they aren't and that's why wapo published these people's names and addresses.

Did any of you see Inside the NFL? Bob Costas asked Peter King about the HOF voting and who he (King) thought would get in. King said that this year no one is a slam dunk but he feels the two that are closest are Thurman Thomas and DRUMROLL...Art Monk. Said Monk has been passed over too many times and that he definitely is going to vote for him. King said that his talks with Gibbs has convinced him to change his mind about Monk and he thinks he is deserving. However, he also said there are a lot of voters and a lot of opinions so he really does not know who will (or will not) get in.

I like to shuffle around on the carpet in my socks, and then touch my cats on the nose.

Kidding! But apparently static electricity is the stuff that makes cars burst into flames when you get back into them while filling up. Interesting stuff, and if I were, um, articulater, I could tell you about it.

they'll just find fatter and fatter people to pair him with; unfortunately, starting with Mike Strahan doesn't leave you much room for growth.
Should see him with John Candy in a couple of months [yes, that's for you SallieMae]...

lisa, you know what you need? you need a tv repair dude. i know one. he's a regular on this blog. he lives in NJ but he's a nice guy and will come to dc/md for a RI in need and can come look at your tv. you might know him. and if need be he can take your tv to the shop. i forget his name but he squats like 1000 kilos. while you got him there he'll move your furniture around too if you'd like.

actually i'm a bit surprised that he hasn't answered your call for help yet.

LH, about me liking NKOB. yes, it's pretty funny. i was 13 at the time and i was so ashamed to admit that i liked them infront of other kids. of course no one would've liked to've been seen with me after i had confessed. so i kept my mouth shut. i didn't have money to buy tapes or anything so never did. you know who else i liked...debbie gibson and of course my girl tiffany.

i'm really tone challenged...i don't know a single song lyrics. i just can't rember them. so i guess that's why i liked nursery rhymes type of lyrics like NKOB, gibson and tiffany. but the only song i can name from those three is "Electric Youth"...that's it and ohh "i think we're alone now"...i can't rember any song sung by nkob but i rember being scared shtiless if someone found out that i liked 'em. hee hee...."fun times".

Lisa, what kind of TV is it (lcd, plasma, tube, etc.)? One thing to try is to unplug it for a few minutes, then plug it in and give it a go. If that doesn't do it, you can try to get into the onscreen setup menus (using the controls on the TV) and make sure there isn't a setting to turn on/off the remote.

Neither of these is incredibly likely, but it's worth a try (cause everything else starts to cost time or money).

i don't know if you guys heard Riggo this afternoon but he and the crew were talking about seeing Sean Payton at some restaurant they were at and getting blasted. apparently this restaurant is pretty decent cuz according to them it was filled with sports celebs.
gonna have to google it.

4th, re: what riggo was doing during the season. i know what you're getting at. but man! i think he was and is the biggest critic of gibbs. and he let it known. but he supported it with facts. unlike 980 which seemed to nit pick and they had an axe to grind.

Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to help me out with my TV remote dilemma. I will give your suggestions a try.....hopefully something will work. Otherwise I will have to call a repair person or live with having to change things manually.

Redskins.com reports that the coach for "Offense - Quality Control" will not be returning in the offseason, instead opting to start up a racing (NASCAR?) team. With departure of the son of St. Joe, release of some of the other old pals from Gibbs I can't be far behind.

Dealer - I liked NKOTB as well. I was teased about it from step-father see I can never forget. I dont't think I told any of my friends either. Hey they were good for half a year, as well as Melly Vanilly and Vanila Ice. I liked all of them for a hot second.

Dealer - Yuo are CRAZY to say dude was raped. He wasn't raped. The one counselor was 24. They prob had a lot in common. Dde prob flirted with them and they took advantage of the situation. He was in a home for TROUBLED youth, not retarded youth. That means he was a Bad Boy and females love bad boys.....

RE: Weather - They are ALL LIARS. Even Mother Palka who I cherih since growing up with her with the original Fox 5 peeps back in the 80s.

FINALLY REDSKINS NEWS......

Ok, when Gibbs 2.0 came back, he said Coy joined the team so he could have a future in football (paraphrasing of course). WTF happened then? Everyone starts out in quality control, then moves up. He's been quality control for 3 years now and he didn't move up to a position coach yet?!?!? I'm started to believe these gibbs people ar quitters. All I know is Gibbs better finish out his contract. F it. He wasn't important anyway.......

The positive out of this - We now have LESS coaches then we did at the start of the season.

Lisa- re: 'the list' I was refering to the 'Heroes' series...implying that perhaps you are in possession of supernatural powers that you must learn to harness in an effort to save the world...just a thought.

Peter King said last night on Inside the NFL that he will definitely vote for Monk in HOF vote after speaking extensively with Gibbs about his team leadership.

Since it's Friday, what are all the Monday-Friday bloggers picks on the game? All the talking heads are taking the Colts by double digits. I just want a good game.
WTF, I'll take the Bears in an upset, Hester running one back to win it.

Oh yeah, and I wish I was in South Beach with J-La sippin' on tha gin & juice.

Well I'm sure mother Palka wouldn't approve of me staying up late anyway. At least I refrained from heavy drinking. I even had a dream last night that school was canceled. Insult to injury, walking out to my car there were little "dippin dot" shaped snowflakes on the hood of my car taunting me on my way to work.

NKOTB memory. My brother bought a NKOTB picture book from our elementary school's book fair. A week later we realized what a bunch of Ds they were and burned the book in our fire place. I also wrote a paper in 3rd grade contesting that Vanilla Ice's talent far surpassed MC Hammers. I even drew illustrations.

For the record, nothing beat playing the TMNT arcade game at the Putt Putt down in Va Beach. Oh summer of '89, how I miss you.

Thank you for the note about Terry Crews in today's paper (and thanks for leaving out the part where the model asked about his wife). Terry is an accomplished actor who has a garnered a few more credits since playing the Office Linebacker. He is currently the co-star of the critically-acclaimed sitcom "Everybody Hates Chris" on the CW network. He has also appeared in top-grossing films White Chicks, The Longest Yard, Training Day and Friday After Next.

ummmmmmmmmmmmm 4th, let's make this guy a 14-16 year old girl (cuz i think this happened over 2 years right?) and the guy who had consentual sex was 24, 42, 39. would you still say it's not rape?
btw, it's a little known fact that females mature(mentally) faster than males...ergo the whole tradition of an older man and a couple years younger woman.

what were we talking about? ohh yeah NKOtB...can anyone name a song by them without looking it up...i rember they had one big hit...and i rember marky mark didn't want to have anything to do with nkotb. man! even as a kid that dude was a smart binness man. BUT i'll never forget the AWKWARD moment he and m&m shared on TRL a few years back. that was CLASSIC. i wonder if it made the youtube ever...

also i'm going to the next superbowl week thingie. f the game. i'm just hoping steve spurrier shows up there so i can get him to autograph his biography that cindy sent me (thru mv dame). that be soooooooo cool. btw all you haters! supposedly he has a very good team next year...so you betta watchout...

4th... you mean that was you tearing it up as Raphael back in the day??? It all makes sense now. Putt Putt was the more "mature" place to have a birthday party... Chuck E. Ratfink was for little kids and bush leaguers. All the cool kids went to Putt Putt.

BTW: I went up to the school library to see if I could check out a projector for the game this sunday... no such luck, however, I was able to check out a laptop to fool around on in class. So unfortunately for the dorf-haters, I'll be bloggin my guts out today.

One of the cool things about having kids is reliving your youth, the bad and good I guess. We took our kids to the Putt-Putt recently and did the whole Go-Kart/Golf/Video Game thing. Flashback Central. Takes me back to pumping the quarters into the "Dragons Lair" game trying to get to the next level. Wasn't very good at that game, more of a Galaga Dork.

JLC's gonna have some good stories once he rolls out of bed (or bathroom) today....

Yeah, dealer, 1986. The Year of Schroeder (all my personal history is measured in terms of 'Skins history, not by years). I've always been really lucky to have computers around. If it weren't for Turbo Pascal, I probably would have had a very different path in life.

this nation can support another sports network. i know si tried but all they did was hire 3rd and 4th stringers from espn. it was just a half ass attempt. i think it's time for another go. c'mon snyder!

Dorf - I didn't go there for my birthday, but yeah, that game was OFF THE HOOK!! I was a Donatello type dude. As well as that B-Ball game that had Marv Albert's voice( 2 or 3 players played from each team) were MArv says, He's on FIRE!! And the ball would flame and always go in if you made at least 3 shots in a row.....

My birthdays parties were held at Shakey's Pizza (on Univ Blvd & Riggs Rd to be specific) when I was the single digit age groups. All we would do is play the video games....

Dealer - I am victim of similar certain circumstances. I was 13 yrs old and Shorty was 20. It F'd me up in a way people don't really don't realize. But that's for a whole nother Blog. I was just siced (pumped up) that an older lady wanted my virgin self. But, his situation dosen't seem the same. He smashed off 3 ladies, he knew what he was doing and they liked it. He prob def came on to them. Charges don't seem warranted.

This is where the Double Standard comes in - If the genders were switched it wouldn't be right at all. Point Blank PERIOD. But, it wasn't.

Hey gang!
1) Maske is indeed old enough to drink, but he doesn't. He looked well-scrubbed and clean, doncha think?
2) Haven't heard from JLaC yet, but he is such a dedicated journalist that I am confident he's pursuing a lede of some sort. I'm 87 percent certain he is not in jail.
3) God, I hate the King.

Easy. its the Snyder/Gibbs regime over plastic man and his list of retreads (Turner and Phillips)

Snyder is younger, richer and I believe has learned to stay out of the talent evaluation business.He still is involved in a big way in the contracts and that is his right as owner. Gibbs was brought in to restore the good name of the team and I'm sure before he leaves we will cleary be on the right path.

Jones is still the GM. without a expierenced and succesful head coach I think jerry is quite capable of messing the whole thing up again

Our Lancers win in coaching simply because of continuity (remember, that's our byword this offseason), but I will admit that Rivera looks doggone good. Grilliams coached in a SB once upon a time as well, am I right?

Nate - I said draw between Jones and Snyder only because I don't like either. But your right if your just counting Lombardi Trophies although I credit Jimmy Johnson more than I do Jones for that. What's Jones done for them lately though?

Long version:
Jerry Jones had a team that could have dominated for an entire decade, like the Packers of the 60s, Steelers of the 70s, and Redskins/49ers of the 80s. But he single handedly ruined it. Dallas could have set unbreakable records for consecutive Super Bowl wins, but Jones threw it all away because his ego was too big, even for the state of Texas. He got drunk and fired Jimmy Johnson, hired a crazy cheat in his redneck buddy Barry Switzer, and then he proceeded to turn "America's Team" into "Americas Most Wanted" by fielding a lineup of thugs and criminals-- (the title of Americas Team was soon given to Green Bay, and now to New Orleans).
Sure, 3 championships in one decade is great... a handful of teams have accomplished that. But Jones took what should have been the greatest dynasty of all time, and turned it into a team that was one Thurman Thomas fumble and one Neil O'Donnell interception away from winning only 1 Superbowl during their run. Until Jones came along, the Cowboys had always been winners... they have the most championship game appearances, most superbowls, etc... But Jones has reduced Dallas from perennial contender to a franchise that has gone over a decade without a playoff win. Never, in the history of the ever glorious Dallas Cowboys, has the team experienced such a long string of disappointment and failure. In the 60s, 70s, 80s and early 90s, it was impossible to imagine that by the year 2007 Dallas would be lumped in the same category as the Lions, Cardinals and Saints. But here we are, and the facts speak for themselves... and the Dallas fans are so bitter. Perhaps the lesson to be learned here is that when you choose to be a front-runner fan, and pick a glamour team like the Cowboys (or Yankees or Notre Dame, etc) because of their reputation as winners, you better be prepared to stand by that team when they become losers. If not, you will turn into the type of fan that lives in denial of their team's failures, and rather than face the reality of the situation, they ignore the coverage of their team and instead spend time talking trash on the blog of their rivals. No fan epitomizes this better than the typical Dallas fan.

Yes, Snyder is the 2nd worst owner in the league, but Jones is clearly the worst because of the potential his team failed to live up to.

Okay, we'll agree to disagree on the owners. But it's only speculation to say that Jones was breaking up the Yankees when he fired Johnson.

The talent infusion from the Herschel Walker trade was a one-time deal, and the era of free agency was coming in. Even with Johnson staying there's no guarantee the Boys would have won more titles than the one Switzer got. Until the Pats there was nothing like a dynasty in this era, and teams have been happy to have sustained runs (Packers, Rams). Look how the Niners' franchise collapsed in the same period as the Boys'. And the Lancers', for that matter.

4th you're bringing back memories. Hearing you talk about your family going all the way to Va Beach reminded me of our annual treks to Atlantic City. Back before the casinos came the piers all had rides and carnival-type attractions and the boardwalk had a bunch of arcades with pinball machines and skee ball. My favorite attraction was this one tent you entered where a woman would turn into an ape right before your eyes. When she burst open that cage door everyone would haul azz out of there. Interestingly, I didn't know anyone who went to Maryland's own Ocean City. Sandy Point was as far as the brothers got back in the day.

Shakey's was the best. We used to go to the one at Pennsylvania Avenue and Silver Hill Road. I used to love watching the staff make the pizza through the big glass. Good times. (tear falling)

I'm talking about the 70s charlie. If your family was going then that's great. I have met other black people in my adult life who are my age or a little older and they, like me, had never been to to OC while growing up but had been to other beaches.