Thursday, September 17, 2015

new album! Ghostblood (Seattle band)

Ghostblood: Blood from beyond the Grave

The day that the three thrashing mutants of Ghostblood run into the Dream Theater guys at a Starbucks in Seattle, the Ghostblood thrashers will steal Dream Theater’s lunch money, throw a hot cup of dirty coffee at James whatshisname’s shiny shoes, and these mutants will proceed to pelt that John nerd and that Jordan egghead with day-old stiff muffins until those prog dorks run away … to a different Starbucks.

“All gore, no core” is the slogan of the band. They play sewer death punk thrash with mutant melodies, which is a new genre that is taking Seattle by storm. My grandmother and I really love this hot new style of music. You, too, will either love them, or hate them, or think they are ok. Young metal whippersnappers today just don’t give a flip about categories. Imagine the jerks from D.R.I. and Municipal Waste jamming with the scumbags of Six Feet Under for some Sex Pistols covers of Celtic Frost versions of Kiss and Motorhead classics played by a joint project of Venom and S.O.D. paying tribute to Autopsy interpreting At the Gates drunk. WTF?! Why The Face, right?! You know what?! It sounds just as lovely as I describe it. No, it’s lovely and neat, in a sick and disgusting way that is endearing, like a zombie hanging out with you at your birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Well, more like, my birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Forget your stupid birthday party. I’m not going to yours.

This brand new album is released officially on Friday the 18th of September in the year 2015, A.D, not B.C. Today I have been listening to this album because I have never heard this band before. They claim that they started in 2013, but I was not there, so this piece of information can only be an unsubstantiated rumor at this point. They also claim that they are handsome, and after seeing some sexy pictures of them at Ashley Madison dot com, I have to agree, and I will start accounts for all three musicians at Harmony dot com so that they can find true love. Because their good looks should not go to waste.

These are the songs that comprise this hot new album that will sell by the millions. This album is so hot right now.

“Blood from beyond the Grave”

1.Blood From Beyond the Grave 00:54

2.Dungeon Ripper 03:06

3.Red Snow 02:45

4.Cleaver Fever 03:17

5.Bloodstormer 03:09

6.Haunting the Swamp 02:35

7.Beast of the Darkest Woods 02:47

8.Recapitator 03:07

9.Disasteroid 03:00

10.Open the Grave 03:06

11.Smash and Burn 02:24

total time ….?!

I am unable to tell you the total time of the album. Hey, what do you expect? I’m not a wizard of mathematics.

However, I am, in fact, very able to tell you that this is an album of dirty thrash made for you to bang your head. This band writes songs about resolving the pressing problems of the world (like red snow) that you and your whole family can enjoy together, and discuss at the dinner table. Just this evening my grandmother and I had a very nice dinner and we talked about the merits of the mutant thrash of Ghostblood. After the discussion, I gave my grandmother a nice big hug and we said our long goodbyes. After that, I came down to the basement where I’m staying with her temporarily for the last 14 years, while I get my life in order. I have been listening to Ghostblood the whole day today. The whole day. Because I am an overachiever. I’m not a quitter. Don’t be a loser. Listen to Ghostblood right now. Right now! Or maybe tomorrow when you have more time.