Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I know it's been a long time. I've been sick since I got back from Florida. I blame a sinus infection.

Anyway, Today I was going about my normal business of not feeling well when I saw Doobie squatting to poop under the table. I picked him up and rushed him in to the potty. I tried to undress him quickly, but he was wearing his footie PJs and an undershirt. It was tough going. Judging by the brown smudge, I was a bit too late.

I put him down on the potty to let him finish, but the stench... Heavens, the stench! It made my already ill-tempered stomach turn on me. I puked on Oliver. Then I turned and puked in the bathtub, leaving in my wake an arc of vomit as I turned.

In the course of all this, what I didn't realize was that a little turd had plopped out of Oliver's diaper and onto the floor. I stepped in it, and it got stuck squished between my toes. I ran out of the room to get a breath of fresh air/to stop the cycle of vomit/collect cleaning supplies. I tracked poop prints through the bathroom, down the hall, and to the kitchen.

I had just calmed my stomach enough to return to the gory bathroom scene when I noticed that feeling between my toes and realized what I did. It triggered a whole new round of vomiting. Great.

I washed the feces off of my foot, and finally turned my attention back to Oliver, whom I'd left alone, unsupervised in the bathroom for quite some time. I rounded the corner and let out a sigh of relief - there he was, obediently sitting on his potty right where I'd left him. Whew. It was the only string of good luck I'd had all morning.

I knew my stomach couldn't handle any amount of time in that bathroom, so I grabbed him and took him towards the changing table. Again, my lack of attention came back to bite me. He wasn't done going potty. I held him out at arm's length, an arc of pee splattering on the linoleum at my feet. Lovely.