Friday, April 30, 2010

First- Thank you so much for all you kind comments, emails, and words of encouragement! It really helped me get through this! I am so amazed and blessed by all of you!

You may have noticed I removed the button to donate to my mission trip from my sidebar. I deleted it because I thought that was one of the ways my Mr. or Miss Mean Commenter had got my real name (in the case that they didn't know me in real life). I'm telling you, this whole experience has really freaked me out and I tried to erase every connection of my real name to my blog.

But that doesn't mean that I am not still trying to raise money. TODAY is the last day to donate online though. My final amount is due May 23rd and Firstgiving.com only issues checks to the church once a month, so that means any online donations have to be made TODAY in order to make it there by the deadline.

I am about $800 away from my goal. Today is your last chance if you were planning to donate online. Click HERE to go to the donation page.

I got my assignment for the trip on Sunday and I am going to be working with the PRE-SCHOOLERS! (Ages 3-5) I was secretly hoping for this age group because they are out of diapers, but still young enough to be really sweet and fun!

As far as everything else goes, I'm not giving up on this blog. I love writing and never really knew how much until I started this blog. No one is going to take that away from me. In fact I think I have forgiven this person. It doesn't bother me nearly as much and I have started to realize this action had less to do with me and more to do with them and their insecurities, anger, fear or whatever they are going through.

The past few weeks have been tough. But there have been high points too! I wanted to share one with you. My new title is "Promotional Content Writer". I didn't know this until Tuesday. For some reason this made me so happy. I am a writer. I am a professional writer. Granted it is promotional content, but I am getting paid to write. It was like discovering a dream I never knew I had! I still can't stop smiling about it!

I promise to write more later, just bear with me for a few days while I'm still recovering from all this craziness!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

So you might have noticed I deleted my last post and made my blog private a few days ago. Well it was because this inquiry was sent in to my current company's website:

Full_Name: Completely inappropriate employee behavioremail: withheld@gmail.comPhone: withheld@gmail.comComments: Your employee is rather insulting to potential buyers and you. Asa potential buyer, I have to say that knowing that a realtors employees arepoorly paid and overworked really turns me off, not to mention the numerousposts she makes bashing her bopss. I would be afraid that I, as a clientwould be portrayed in a negative light on this young ladys online journaland have thus chosen not to pursue a relationship with the xxxxxxx xxxxxxteam. This is the website:http://ncsuz.blogspot.com/2010/04/im-tired-of-not-being-able-to-share.html

I got this on my iphone just before 8 pm on Thursday and freaked out! Who would do this to me? Why? I was flipping out. I re-read the post he linked to and thought it wasn't that bad except for her "blowing me off" but seriously she is juggling over 100 different clients at the time. I honestly thought the post was complimentary. I really am very sad about leaving this job. I wish I could have made it work but I don't have a roommate or husband to split bills with so it made it impossible. I mean it wasn't like she was paying us minimum wage. She paid the standard rate for an office support person and she would even surprise us with gift cards when things were going well. It just turned out that the amount she could pay me, I couldn't pay all my bills with.

The second thing I thought was how did this person know who I worked for. I have never mentioned my company or my boss' name on here ever. Did this person know me? Did this person do some heavy duty detective work to find out??

I love my boss and have never bashed her on here. She is the best agent in the Triangle and when I sell my house if I don't have my license active by then, she will be my Realtor. I knew this email would hurt her feelings too.

I won't go in to all the details for the story, but I let her know that I thought it was someone I knew since I had never mentioned her by name on my blog, or mention our company name. She was hurt over it. I was hurt and angry!

I had some anger to build on from the previous day. The previous day I had found out that witty guy was seeing a new girl he met in VA over Easter. It wouldn't have hurt so bad if we had not hooked up when he came over for dinner LAST WEEK. And then it turns out the new girl stayed with him that weekend. I didn't find out about the girl until Wednesday night. He felt like he didn't need to tell me that because we were trying to be "just friends" -by the way that is impossible. So of course this leads to a blow up.

The very next night this is sent and everyone I talked to was like it is just too coincidental in the timing. It has to be witty guy. Part of me was like yes it has to be, but another part was like I just can't see him doing it. We went though lists and tried to track things through google analytics and I just don't know. I think I am never going to know who sent this.

(I did confront witty guy about it which was one of the worst points during this whole drama. Either he is a really good actor or he didn't do it. But despite me losing it at his house- I mean screaming shaking crying...it was quite a show- he manages to throw in there that he loves me...WTF...he has never said this before NOW?! I was to my breaking point and left.)

I almost deleted every mention of myself on the internet. But it would be like this cyber-bully won if I did that. Whoever it is must have a major problem with me and I just want to know why you would ever do something this mean to someone.

So yeah, I have had my heart broken twice within 24 hours this week. One long drawn out one by witty guy and once by this malicious person. I have so much SNAGER (sadness+anger) that I have been shaking uncontrolably, havent been able to eat or sleep much, feel sick to my stomach, and spent the whole day in bed. It has stolen any happiness I could have had over my new job right out from under me. This SANGER emotion (I've felt it before) has to be the absolute worst emotion you could ever feel.

But yeah thats the story...any suggestions??

I still don't know what I am going to do with this. I love it, but putting myself this out there and having people hurt me might not be worth it. I'm still contemplating.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Oh why does life get so busy right when you have a life list to complete? I know I have been falling behind on this blog and my list lately. Life just got busy. Work is busy. We have about 60 listings right now which is more than double what S had this time last year. We usually get 4-5 new ones every week and it gets challenging when you have a small staff. Everyone has to pitch in and make things happen. Plus there was that little yard sale I had last weekend that about pushed me over the edge. On top of that I have started getting up early to work out at 6 (okay, maybe 6:30 by the time I get there) every Tuesday and Thursday.

Given all this craziness I keep flip flopping back and forth on if I will be disappointed if I don't complete the 30 Before 30 List on time. I think I will, but I also think I probably won't be able to mark everything off on time. How do I make myself ok with this? I still will feel like I failed somehow no matter how I think about it.

I wish I could write more, but I am off to a workshop at Home Depot on painting. I have never painted a room in my life, but some rooms in my house really need new paint. I'll hopefully get some good tips that will help me when I try to tackle upgrading a room in my house!

Monday, April 12, 2010

The yard sale is finally OVER! This was the first time I had ever done a yard sale, and let me tell you, it is a lot of work! Sorting through everything and organizing it into bins and pricing everything and finding tables and baskets, going to pick up donations, hauling all this crap by yourself, making sure you have money to make change, storing all this stuff in your house for weeks...I about went crazy. But it was a success...I made about $250 for my mission trip!

Friday was the craziest of all days. I had a lot of stuff and not enough bins or tables, so I sent out a message on Facebook. A girl who used to work in my office had one and I found one at work to borrow. I had also borrowed an old dining room table from witty guy (which he also let me sell!). I borrowed laundry baskets from friends. It was a lot of running around. I had to make signs for everything. I had to go to the bank to get change. I had to go pick up some last minute donations from friends. I spent the whole night sorting through everything and pricing. I didn't go to bed until 1:30 am. Here was my dining room the night before (and there was even more stacked up in my living room!)

I got up at 6 and the yard sale started at 7am. My friend Kristin came over to help. I do not know what I would have done without her!! We hauled everything outside and got it all set up. Then the craziness began. It seemed to come in waves. There would be no one or some people would stop and look but not buy anything. Then all of a sudden there would be lots of people buying! The big sellers were clothes and jewelry. All the kids toys I had sold. Except stuffed animals. I didn't sell one stuffed animal and I had a whole box! Books didn't sell as well as I thought either. By 9 am it still looked like we had a ton of stuff, so I marked everything half price.

The yard sale was supposed to end at 12, so we started packing stuff up at 12:15, but we still had 4-5 people stop to look while we were packing stuff up! Finally we had everything in trash bags and boxes to take to Goodwill. It was a ton of stuff!

We decided to take the women's clothes to try to sell them at a place in Cary called Plato's Closet that buys and then re-sells gently used clothing. But they told us they do not accept clothes in trash bags! Luckily I had some reusable grocery bags in my car and we went through 6-7 trash bags full of clothes and pulled out the cute brand name stuff that we thought they might buy right there in the parking lot. We ended up giving them 5 bags of clothes, shoes, and bags to go through.

Then it was back to Raleigh to drop off stuff at Goodwill. We gave them 6 bags of clothing and 6 boxes of shoes, bags, and other random stuff.

A few hours later I got the call from Plato's Closet that my stuff was ready, but they wouldn't tell me over the phone if they had bought anything. So I went all the way back out to Cary to discover they only took 2 pairs of shoes and a couple skirts and offered me $13.30 for them. Fine, but really that was not even worth it.

I bagged up the clothes they didn't take into 2 full trash bags and took those to Goodwill. Then I loaded the dining room table into my car to take to a girl at church that had bought it for $10. Last night I emptied all the baskets and took 3 boxes of stuff I didn't sell or give away up to my spare room to go through later. I loaded the tables I had borrowed in to my car and now my house is starting to look normal again.

It was exhausting though. And I don't know if I will ever do it again. That is the hardest I have ever worked for $250!

I do want to say a huge thank you to Meredith, Abby, Heather, and Kristin who all donated stuff to sell at the yard sale! Especially Abby who gave me probably more clothes than I have ever owned! And some really great bowls and tea kettles that all sold! Also Kristin was my savior! I could have never ever survived the day without her! Also a big thank you to my friend Jennifer who drove all the way out to see me and make a donation!! Also, witty guy, Meredith, and Kendall for letting me borrow tables and laundry baskets to put all the stuff on/in- thank you, thank you! One lady even commented that it was the most organized yard sale she had ever been to!

I am so glad it is over and I made some money for the trip! Combine the proceeds with other donations I got this week, and I have enough to apply for a scholarship! AND I only have $910 left to raise! For some reason being under that $1000 mark excites me so much!!

I want to know, have any of you had a yard sale? Was it just as hard or did I make this harder than it should have been??

Friday, April 9, 2010

Time for Fill in the Blank Friday! Play along with us over on Lauren's blog.

1. The strangest thing I've ever eaten was snails .

2. My best friend is so much like me that I think she can read my mind sometimes, but different enough to make up for areas I lack- she’s the perfect BIFF for me .

3. If I could live in a different era it would be whenever Jesus was alive because I would have loved to live that stuff and perhaps witness a miracle and get to meet Him .

4. I like boys, but I hate them sometimes too .

5. If you only know one thing about me it should be I’m as sweet as candy…sometimes sweeter .

6. My favorite book of all time is Summer Sisters by Judy Blume .

7. The one beauty product I couldn't live without is my chi straightner .

8. Blogging is amazing! I never thought it would grow into what it has and I would meet such AMAZING people through this .

9. If I could star in a movie with any actor/actress I would want to work with Ryan Renolds- hot and funny? Yes please! .

10. One of the best feelings in the world is a good long hug when you’ve had a bad day .

Saturday is my big yard sale for my mission trip. Yard Sales are a lot of work! I still am in need of some tables to put everything on and some boxes and/or laundry baskets to hold all the clothes I am trying to sell! I still need to make signs and put prices on everything. I still need to stop by some places to pick up some things people have donated. Then I will have to sort through everything tonight when I get home and get it ready to put out front at 7 am. It just might be an all-nighter!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

It has been a hard 2 weeks. I have been exhausted. I have cried tears of joy, tears of anger, tears or sadness, tears of frustration, and even tears of exhaustion. And I am not a crier. I don't know what has been going on with me, but ever since I started fundraising for this mission trip I have been on an emotional roller coaster. It doesn't all have to do with that. There are other things going on too. But that seemed to be a catalyst for all this madness. Lately it has been a lot of really high highs and a lot of really low lows for me on the emotional wreck scale.

And I've been too busy to blog about it all! I know bad me...but here's a snippet of my thoughts this past week:

Saturday I got the best gift ever in the mail. Rebecca from Diary of Jane sent me the most awesome card with the sweetest message. Inside there was a big donation for my mission trip, $10 a co-worker of hers donated to the cause, and a $25 Target gift card to help me with #18 on my list- Upgrade one room in my house! I was shocked and elated. I cried. I called friends and gushed to them. I've never even met Rebecca, but she has been following my blog forever. Seriously...I think she may have been my very first comment from someone I didn't know in real life. I am so grateful to her. Her generosity blew me away.

To get it on the eve of Easter was really something big for me too. I was kind of dreading Easter. I was going to have to go to church by myself. It was going to be a long day because my volunteer service was pushed back to 1:00. And just so you know, the Easter Bunny doesn't come to visit single people apparently.

But this gift reminded me of the best gift I have ever been given- Christ dying in my place on the cross. It filled me with such thankfulness and joy, I was really able to have a great Easter the next day. Radical generosity is one of the only things I have found that can really break down people's walls and truly look at life different and change them from the inside out. When someone gives you a gift that is so big and so generous that you don't even feel like you can accept it, it can change you, transform you, and all you have to do is accept it.

This was one way someone shocked me this week, but there have been others too. And not all of them have been good. You never know what people are going to say or do and how that is going to affect you and your day. Ugh...moving on now...

I'm going to try to keep up with this blog. I am going to try to mark some things off my list. But I must confess, it has been difficult lately. I start losing energy and hope. It's still there though...I'm still going and I promise to try harder.