Exploration

Archive: 22 July 2003

I’ve made the big time: Internet gossip columns! Okay, not really, but Opera Journal has just run a short piece about my ruminations over possibly moving to another country. On the theme of moving elsewhere, CNN recently ran an article about Americans who are heading for Canada. I do hope these folks do a little more research before making the move; nowhere is as perfect as it first seems—no, not even Canada. Anyway, having that article come so closely on the heels of my recent posts makes for a weird feeling, like the universe somehow centers on me. Which I’m pretty darned sure it doesn’t. Personally, I wouldn’t want it to; as someone I know used to say, “The problem with solipsism is that it makes me responsible for all the idiocy in the world.”

[Aside: I’d just like to point out that the markup for the word “me” in the previous sentence is <em>me</em>. Maybe MC Frontalot could use that as a (much) nerdier version of Eminem’s name, as a parody or something.]

To come back to something vaguely related to having my potential moves discussed in public, I had a very interesting conversation with my father Sunday at the anniversary porch party Kat and I threw. Among discussions of my job situation and the prospect of striking out on my own, and how that might work in a fiscal sense, he said to me, “Back when you were in high school, you told your mother and me that you wanted to be a recognized name one day. I don’t remember if you had a specific plan in mind, but it’s something your mother and I talked about a couple of times in recent years, how you’d worked toward that goal and achieved it.”

This took me completely by surprise; I don’t remember ever having said that, nor that it had been a goal of mine. I always felt like I’d lucked into whatever fame I have. Granted, I worked hard to reach my current position, but I was lucky to be in the right places at the right times, and to have opportunities that could be developed into advancement. But now I wonder if the idea of being a “known name” lurked in the back of my head for years, and subconsciously guided me toward the place I now find myself. I also wonder if, at any time before a couple of years ago, I knew why it was important to me.