Sunday, 12 January 2014

Desk Ramblings.....(17)

The last five weeks with Mum in hospital has been full of mixed emotions. I have felt everything from fear, weary, scared, anxious, worry, joy,exhaustion and no doubt a few others that I can not remember.

I have always been quite close to my Mum, We have often during the course of a week experienced a variety of conversations. From the long to the quick and snippy plus emails.Regardless of that, I always forget to mention something and I have a "Mum list" in my notebook!

For much of the last five weeks, Mum has been unable to be bothered to talk on her mobile. She is hopeless at texts so we have managed with a few brief conversations. I miss our usual routine of chatter. About a week or so ago I heard Mum ask one of the nurses who was looking after her if her Mum was alive. The nurse replied that her mother was. I thought it was just curiosity; and perhaps it was. Then Mum said, that her Mum had died 16 years ago and that she missed her everyday.

I sat with Mum as she drifted off to sleep and pondered with the realisation that I always pick up the phone and chat with Mum. The regular mother and daughter conversations and much more. Now I was suddenly aware that Mum no longer has that with my Grandmother and I guess that no matter how old you are, we all want our Mum's (or our equivalent) when things are tough. That basic instinct to return to the safe and secure.

How many of us though, take our Mum's for granted? How many times have I thought in the last few weeks, "oh Mum will know that". A question I have been forced to contemplate, somewhat reluctantly is, what about when Mum is no longer able to be asked? It is a sobering and depressing thought and yet somewhat inevitable at some point.

What I have shared with Mum over the last few weeks is comments, thoughts and good wishes sent to Mum from friends and family across the globe. Much of it thanks to social media. I shared the fact that some friends have mentioned Mum in prayers and some people have lit candles for her. It raised a smile when she responded with the question of was it greedy if the prayers and candles continued? I reassured her it was not!

Mum and I, along with my husband have been truly touched with the wishes, prayers, candles and messages. It has meant a great deal to us.

Julie treasure all those moments with your Mum. I lost the ability to communicate with mine long before she passed away almost 7 years ago. She developed a condition which meant she could no longer speak. I did not live nearby so all I could do as she got worse was phone her and tell her what I had been doing. She had certificates for public speaking when she was younger and I am sure she found this loss of speech frustrating.As you said you do not appreciate things until they are no longer there.

Hilary it is so tough. The frustration you both must have felt. I do treasure those moments with Mum, and I know deep down that this latest situation has caused a real shift in Mum's overall health condition and she & I both know that she will not have to deal with it alone.

This is such a touching post. I remember my last conversation with my Mom. She couldn't speak and join in, but she wiggled her toes to let me know she heard me. I'm glad you have such a special relationship with your Mum. Blessings and prayers to you and yours!

Ah, Julie, this touches home. We lost our mother four years ago in April and I still pine for our talks. So many times something happens and I think, "Oh, I'll have to call..." But I am so thankful for the conversations we did have, always ending "I love you." We called her our little Irish elf and I think of her sitting on my shoulder and it keeps me on the straight and narrow! Tell your mum hello and she can have all the prayers in the world. Kathleen

Hello Kathleen - oh what a few weeks it has been and today Mum sounds so much poorly again. The reality is that her condition, now diagnosed has been a ticking bomb - and we are just in the midst of defusing it. It has been tough on us and on poor Mum who is simply exhausted and wants the fuss to stop. Understanding what has happened and the path ahead when the odds look slim. We have gone from a 50/50 chance to probably 51/49 and I take a degree of comfort in that. Needless to say. I am looking forward to her coming home, and even whilst the odds are not great it is a great focal point. I have planned a nice afternoon out for her when she is home and up to it. It is something to look forward to.

Julie, I was lucky enough to have that 'just pick up the phone and she'll be there for a chat' relationship with my own mum, and I miss her deeply. When I read your posts about your mum's illness and the difficulties for all of you my heart goes out to you all. You are a wonderful daughter, and she obviously knows it.

Francis, Many thanks for your lovely comments. It is so difficult to sit back and almost be a pawn on a chess board. I am not overly patient and get very frustrated that Mum is somehow being manoeuvred by a process and a group of professionals that to some degree do not really understand. I do miss the conversations with Mum and it breaks my heart to contemplate that one day I will not be able to. Meanwhile, I will treasure each visit and chat with her.

This post really touched me. My Mom died 4 years ago after suffering with Alzheimer's Disease for several years. I still want to pick up the phone and ask about something then remember I can't. I miss her so much. Be with your Mum as much as possible.

Linkwithin

About Me

I am a Surrey girl, who is very proud of her roots, which go back almost 300 years in Surrey, Sussex and Hampshire. I currently live in the West Country of England, but Surrey is always home! I am also half Italian and thus have an interest in Italian culture and genealogy.

After a career in pharmacy management spanning more than 20 years, I made the decision to look at my options as to where my professional life was heading. I wanted to expand my work portfolio within the training and writing arena; to utilise my historical and research skills along with other qualifications and years of experience. I created The Book of Me, Written by You back in the Autumn of 2012. It threads together the focus of my interests and qualifications. Enabling me to encourage others to think beyond the obvious as we analyse our own lives and those of our close family members.

Copyright

The material, both written and photographic on these pages is the copyright of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest unless stated. Material on this site may be used for personal reference only. If you wish to use any of the material on this site for other means, please seek the written permission of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest.