Most Helpful Guy

If you are not interested in them anymore, then it's best to just be honest with the person and let them go.

You have to think of someone's life as being made up of invaluable minutes, the more you take away from a person being selfish, or just plain ignorant, is time they could be spending with someone that could really care!

Most Helpful Girl

The correct, mature and straightforward thing to do would be to tell them it's not working for you and to let them go. However, some people are so manipulative and drag a break up on as long as possible making it as messy and painful as possible. So you slowly make the relationship not worth it for them until they get fed up with you and think it's their idea to break it off and you agree with it. I know that's awful but that's what you do when that other person isn't going to let you go like a sane person would.

Hmm no I've had guys try to be persistent but it's always been enough for me to just state very clearly and firmly that I am not interested in dating. Most people respond well to that. What happened with the guy did he stalk you or something? I'm asking bc I'm curious not because I don't believe you:) hard to know how things "sound" when written :-)

@Azara Yes, I have been stalked after breaking up. It's easy to say no to dating and be done with it but breaking up with someone who has genuine issues and has formed an obsession is not. I wish someone had given me this advice so I'm giving it to G@g to save you guys my pain.

What Guys Said 15

I don't gas light or blow smoke up some ones backside and lead them on. If I like you as I tend to like most people, I will tell you and make my intentions known platonic or romantic. When I'm displeased with a person I'm not displeased with "them" meaning who they are as a person at their core. To clarify I am always disappointed or displeased with their actions and behavior, something that they and only they have the power to control, they choose actively to act in a manner fitting to how they feel in the moment or how their emotions have evolved with a past event or conditioning, either negative or positive. If someone speaks of their values and upon speaking of said values, it matches mine closely enough I may pursue them for romance, however if someone says I have these values, but acts in a manner that contradicts those values I tend to take notice of this and let them know they are out of integrity. I believe them when they say they have those values, yet when they act differently, I let them know I'm disappointed as are not acting congruent to who they are as a person, somewhere there is a pattern of behavior that is a faulty match, they weren't always angry, cynical, sad, depressed, broken hearted, etc. something had to happen, they in fact don't feel like themselves so they don't act like themselves and all I ever ask is for them to not lead me on with false information sparing my feelings or theirs, but to get to the heart of the matter and get it solved so we can both move on, either together or a part. It serves no one in a positive way long term to not be open and honest in our communication.

Wow! Thank you, you described how I see people perfectly and for some train I could not articulate why someone doing a bad thing did not automatically rise to my eradicating them from my life, as many people are inclined to do. It's great reading this I'm glad I stopped by:-)

@Azara You are most welcome. One of the things I hate doing is being direct and looking like the a-hole, I hate that feeling. When it comes to relationships the thing I find is that being direct is not romantic, yet I don't want someone looking foolish or getting hurt if their actions or behavior is a turn off for me, so I tend to say something as direct as I can think of, at the time. I find it hard for me to play the indirect communicator role, as I am logical and direct. I am very kind and wished that I could be more gentle in my communication and still make my point yet it's often hard to find the right words. I don't resort to name calling, even though some people have called me names too. I try to be cool about it, and a good diplomat, I can't be everything to everyone and I'm certainly not a door mat, I don't ever condone abuse of any kind, however I've been abused in the past. I have been the quiet guy in the past, yet I found it ineffective and uncool.

@Azara I think one of the best things to do is learn how to communicate and be unafraid of what will happen. Be more afraid of what you don't say and what people will think. I've had girls do things that were absurd, ambiguous, vague, weird etc. I couldn't figure out what was going on, mainly because they don't say anything, later I find out from someone else they have esteem issues or had been raped or are suffering from something else, and honestly if they had told me, I'd be OK with it, however I do understand how stigmatizing it can be to trust someone and really open up about these issues, I've had some myself yet I'm not afraid of telling these things openly as they are usually are accepted, after all I'm human. But I think what upsets me is the with holding of information to can solidify connection. Often people do what intuitive and lose, never learning that the intuitive approach is misguided, if they do what's counter intuitive they will get the result they want.

I actually totally get what you're saying and I battle with a lot of the things you mentioned between not wanting to be a jerk but needing to be honest and wanting to do it in a kind way but bajehcibg that with not losing assertiveness... Also definitely agree it's worst to put a person in a position of being embarrassed or mislead. I feel responsibility in not letting that happen. Though I do get stuck between being kind but saying what had to be said. It's a really hard Balance to exact.

I also really agree that an explanation can go a hell of a long way and I wish people would push communication more and be patient in reviving it as well.

@Azara Yeah I'm no extrovert but words do mean something to me, and I try to express myself as well as can be, and ask for any questions or concerns, I don't want mis-understandings. I don't tell people that I am not into dating or not into love, yet I have high standards of others and have those same expectations of myself.

Saying "I am not interested in you" puts you at a terrible position. What if she never knew I was interested in her? Or what if she knew, but didn't care because she's not interested in me. Either way she would just be like "okay man, cool" and I would be left looking like an obsessive SOB who doesn't have better things to do but to overanalyse.

That's not fair though... let your action's do the talking? why tell her? Because you should be mature about. Some people don't take a hint regardless of how you put it and others like hearing it straight from the horse's mouth that's why. Being honest and upfront might get you... loathed or whatever, but it's tough love man and the honest route.

I am still honest with my actions. Acting out your feelings instead of pronouncing them doesn't make you less honest. Its not 6th grade anymore, I dont have to tell you "I like you" for you to realise that I like spending time with you.

If the person is "okay" overall I wouldn't "fuel" the bond I had with him or her anymore, letting it die out. But if the person would stay in touch without exaggerating I would never ignore them.The only exception is if they person is so annoying I really want to get out. Than I'd find a diplomatic way of saying I was not interested :o

Your poll answers are terrible, this is not a "yes or no" question, so it makes no sense.

Anyway, I am really bad at this, I am still pushing on a relationship with a girl because she cried really hard when I told her I was reconsidering my feelings for her, so I will stay with her and maybe even marry her. I am incredibly weak to tears.

I guess u have dyslexia cause or you're just not that bright... the poll is a simple yes or no if u do or do not. Make me understand how it is terrible? Other than U (one irrelevent mf) disliking it... Better yet if u felt some type of way you could have always ignored it and carried on... but I see that didn't happen soon yeahhh your comment was noted☺have a blessed day.

No, I do not have dyslexia, but it is semantically an "either or" question, and not "yes or no". The difference might not be clear to you, but it is to anybody who has to make sure of those things on a regular basis, so it bugged me.

"When you aren't interested in a person anymore do you tell them straight up _OR_ continue to lead them on?"

If I say yes to this, what would it mean? Does it mean "yes" is the answer to both questions, the first one or the second one?

Also, it is "you", not "u". And I do not just ignore things if I do not like them, I will offer some insight that might make somebody improve at something. Not that you would care, though, since you even use "u" instead of "you", as I already said. Plus, we are all irrelevant, this whole site is. So it is kinda funny you decide to call someone who calls you out on something stupid that.

Lmao u instead of you... is that really ur argument! 😂😂 who takes the web that seriously?*eye roll* the poll is for whatever they feel duh MF! The comments are more important... not like u give a shhhh! Boy bye! ☺

Well, illiterate people are voting, illiterate people ask stupid questions they are incapable of defining on the internet, they actually get an answer and instead of acknowledging it and going through, they try to argue against... grammar. Yes, you were not arguing against me, you are arguing against grammar and semantics statement, pretty much. If your sentence does not make any sense, and somebody calls you out on it, your first response should not be even dumber than that.

I cannot be butt-hurt because a willfully illiterate person tells me something like that, because I do not think that illiterates are even good at thinking about anything, nor do I honestly take their opinion into a consideration. Rather, I find the situation funny.

I would pull myself from their life i dont like to lead people on even thiugh i tried to be selfish

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Anonymous

Funny how this seems to work the opposite from my experience. Generally if a girl quits texting/texts less and gives short responses or doesn't respond that's usually a hint that they're not interested.

But if I stop texting a girl, put little effort in, they seek me out.

Having said that, I'd rather know where I stand with a person then be strung along and then make it seem like I'm the bad guy or obsessive and then over analyze about what went wrong.

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Anonymous

I don't lead people on. Ask and you shall be told straight up. But unless we're a couple or got some type of substanstial history I don't bother with laying things out bluntly for people. At a certain point people have to start caring for themselves. I'd rather a girl look at a relationship and say this isn't good for me I need to take charge and find something better than for me to walk up to her and explain that she needs to move on. One ends in a girl being an active participant in how her life progresses the other ends with a girl crying because nothing ever works out for her. I don't disrespect anyone but I'm not holding any hands. If I were to lay out exactly why I don't want to date a girl all that's really doing is giving her a set of goals to work on so that she could eventually try and get back together with me which is not what I want. I don't want someone changing themselves for me. So what's the point in informing someone about all the reasons I'm no longer interested in them. Unless it's something they absolutely need to know I don't think I need to burden them with my opinions.

Saying you're not interested is not laying it all out. And it lets people know to move on. I think it's just hard to say that so you're rationalizing why it's best fit " her" that you don't say anything. People are always so concerned with other people when it makes it easier for themselves lol

What Girls Said 15

I had a male friend who I started being friends with after a few years of non talking (just lost track). And I started to get the impression he liked me, and I mean I never think anyone likes me so to think this I genuinely believed it. And I had no feelings for him but I started to think maybe I did lead him on, or maybe he thought I liked him etc. So I didn't want to outright say "I'm not interested" and ruin a friendship or be wrong and be awkward, but I didn't want to say nothing. So I dropped hints like "I'm not ready for anything, and besides, I have feelings for nobody like that anyway" and I'd say things like that casually in conversation (there were others, e. g. he does drugs and I am not into that lifestyle so I'd say "I'd never date someone like that"). That's out of context but he respected my choices like I left him to his.

I don't always tell them straight up but I drop hints, like texting less frequently, giving short answers, acting uninterested etc. Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don't. If they don't then I tell them the truth. As nicely as possible. I know it's not the best way to handle a situation like that but I hate rejecting people. I feel so mean doing it. On the flip side, I hate it when guys start ignoring me without any explanation. Usually it's my own fault but oh well...

If I'm not interested or have lost interest in someone. I'll ignore them and avoid them. If they are shit at reading body language and can't take the hint. I'll politely tell them. Although, I tend to use the first option when they lurk around but have no longer intentions of ever initiating a conversation. Im a fair woman, I treat people exactly how they treat me. I won't make anymore effort with them if they don't with me.

No longer? Lol. Predictive texting. Forgot to add, many people think ignoring them is leading them on or you are playing hard to get. Ignoring and avoiding are signs of disinterest or maybe being pissed off about something. That's the way I work anyway. Im pretty straight forward. Maybe this is what someone already in a relationship would do out of remorse, for leading people on when they know that they shouldn't have.