Eddie Murphy Is Making A Serious Reggae Album With Snoop Lion

Eddie “The donkey from Shrek” Murphy is making a serious reggae album with Snoop Lion, a.k.a. Snoop Dogg, a.k.a. that rapper that you liked when you’re 13. Shockingly, this was approved by someone as a good idea. That person has since been fired and murdered in a hole somewhere for ever thinking this pairing would result in anything other than a reverse masterpiece of aural inertia.

It’s a reggae song named “REDLIGHT” (all caps?), and it is legitimate proof that God does not exist for what God of man would allow something this atrocious to exist? Surely a cruel god who likes to laugh pigheadedly with a girlish, ghoulish giggle as his denizens below him tear the ears from their heads with frustration, angered that these two men are millionaires and remain millionaires long after they were relevant, some 20 to 30 years ago. Who can honestly trust Eddie Murphy, let alone with a song, let along with a movie production? And Snoop – who’s so-weird-its-kind-of-adorable documentary about his change to Snoop Lion is almost 90 minutes of him smoking weed in Jamaica – seemingly says yes to anything passed his way.

I’m not a reggae fan and frankly there’s construction going on five feet from where I’m sitting here in Brooklyn and my god I’m actually preferring the sounds of the jackhammers of this. “REDLIGHT” is the sound of a paycheck being cashed and the sound of Eddie Murphy taking himself too seriously again. Shit, dude, even your ’80s jam “Party All The Time” was catchy – ”REDLIGHT” sounds like someone pressed the “reggae” button on a Casio keyboard, left the room, and charged everyone studio time.

There’s people out there who don’t get to realize their dreams their whole lives because of financial instabilities, and then there’s people out there like Snoop Lion and Eddie Murphy who get to exercise every fucking whim that crosses their brainfields regardless of whether they’re any good or not. I dunno, man. Just because the pants fit doesn’t mean you look any good in them. This wasn’t a good idea on any level.