The Recovering Dissident Catholic

A Former CINO (Catholic In Name Only) gradually learns and accepts the whole Magisterium Truth and Nothing but the Truth

September 30, 2011

Ungodly Rage

I’m re-reading Donna Steichen’s book Ungodly Rage: The Hidden Face of Catholic Feminism. I realized, recently, that this book was originally published in 1991 – right when I was an undergrad in a Catholic women’s college and focusing on Feminist Theology as part of my Theology minor. I’m not kidding.

It also recently occurred to me that it is too bad that I did not read Steichen’s book at the time it was published. Instead, I was reading Starhawk, Fiorenza and Ruether (the “trinity”) along with the latest from Timmerman (who was one of my profs, btw), Daly, Kyung, Hellwig. I read them because their books were required or optional reading for courses. In other words; they were the theology textbooks.

I never had the Catechism as a required text in any Theology courses. I had the Catholic Bible (NAB) as a required text in one Theology class. I recall doing a lot of exercises in the hermaneutic of suspicion against Biblical texts and encouraged to find evidence in Scripture that the Church put women down. Did I mention this was (still is) a nominally Catholic college?

Timmerman is a local author and, for that matter, so was Steichen at the time Ungodly Rage was published. You would think she would’ve had a place at the table in the Theology program reading. She has most of the things the school loved going for her: Woman (check), Theologian (check) Catholic (check) Magisterium (check). It was the check box in the Magisterium column that ensured she’d never get an invite to speak at the commencement ceremonies much less have her book read in a Theology class. I read Timmerman’s books in Timmerman’s class. I doubt Steichen would ever be invited to teach a course there so she could push her own agenda, uh, work.

It occurs to me to reflect and wonder, with the passing of 20 years, that the purpose of a liberal arts education is to create a well-informed, balanced, knowledgeable person. I ask myself now: where was the balance? Are you really well-informed and knowledgeable when you only know one viewpoint? When your entire program is built upon a theory of reactionism (i.e. we are reacting against something) and you present little to nothing of the other side of the argument; is that education or indoctrination?

Some would have us believe that the changes that ensued in Catholic education after the Land O Lakes Conference were put in place to create well-informed, balanced and knowledgeable people because the belief was that the Catholic school systems did not. Catholic schools only presented one point of view and that was wrong. Catholic schools did not educate, they indoctrinated. To which I say: Yeah, duh, read the mission and affiliation statements of the CATHOLIC institution! If you haven't, don't feel too bad, no President of the College I attended, since Mother Antonia has read it either - except to deconstruct it.

Catholic academics put in place a system of teaching that was completely reactive and without balance. Somewhere along the line, maybe day one, Catholics no longer had the core teachings to compare the new information to. Any illusion that the new Catholic academia was balanced was removed. I don’t know about you, but I sure didn’t learn about Catholicism in CCD. I went in to Catholic college as ignorant as any Southern Baptist regarding what Catholicism is or should be.

So, I fell for it. I went to feminist Catholic conferences (I was present at the first two Re-Imagining conferences), I led workgroups to change the patriarchal structure of the Church (you can see I failed!), I did rituals that even then I could barely keep a straight face thru. I dabbled in the occult.

I believed, as many feminists do, that if you are not with us you are not enlightened to the truth yet. Women who are not feminist activists have been nullified by the dominant patriarchal culture prevalent in the Catholic Church and in society. We, feminists, have to educate them so the light of (our) truth shines upon them and they are as angry as we are.

Feminists are really a sour and angry bunch. Ever been to a feminist party? Ever been to one where everyone is laughing and joking and having a good time? Me neither.

Somewhere along the line when I started teaching myself by reading books that I was discouraged from reading in College (well, not discouraged, they just were never mentioned) I realized that most of Feminist Theology is offensive to anyone: who has ever believed that being as God made you is something you can live with, who has, or has loved a family, who sacrifices themselves for others, who doesn’t think the natural world is God, who is a man.

Feminist Theologians will take what I listed above and turn it around. I’ll wait for them to comment or send me an email – because they will.

Speaking of turning things around. An event is happening this weekend that I find interesting. Interesting because it is a concept the feminist theologians love: re-claiming a term or an attitude and making it over. It is called: Slut Walk

There are have been Slut Walks around the country. This weekend the Sluts will parade thru Minneapolis near the river (Closing ceremonies will be, I kid you not, at Father Hennepin Bluffs Park. When Fr. Hennepin "discovered" St. Anthony Falls I wonder if he ever envisioned this day?!). The point of Slut Walk is, supposedly, to empower women by making a statement that says: I can dress like a prostitute and if some guy asks if I’m open for business I can slap him for his presumption based upon my appearance. How many guys are going to show up with cameras and complete lack of "custody of the eyes?" You know there will be. Is this a "victory" for either gender? Two dummies making a point?

You can tell I’m on board with the Slut's position, right?

In any case, I find it curious that feminists worked so hard for decades to empower women to think they were more than just their gender (the implication being that gender is a handicap to overcome) and the ultra-femmes worked so hard to counter the feminists by making it ok to look like a woman, that here is an event that is almost post-feminist, post-counter-feminist mashup resulting in women dressing like female prostitutes engaged in a protest against victimization based upon appearance. Got all that?

No word on if the working girls in downtown Minneapolis will now have to adopt long corduroy jumpers with high-necked and long sleeved white blouses and saddle shoes in order to differentiate themselves from the Sluts.

September 26, 2011

Prayer Request

September 25, 2011

Turning Over a New Leaf!

I was wrong to pick on the First Lady the other day and I'm wrong to criticize what people wear either to Mass or outside of Mass. In the quest to be a better person, I've decided it doesn't matter what you wear, Jesus loves you and I should too! From now on, everyone is beautiful and there are no bad clothes, just judgemental people!

Isn't she beautiful and confident!?! Her face is really emphasized by this ensemble! Not everyone can pull this off!

September 23, 2011

70 x 7 or 1 x 1?

There is a lot of invective in the Catholic blogosphere and I'm sorry if I cause any of it. However, the worst invective occurs offline - what you don't see.

When I first started blogging there were some very popular bloggers who had nice photos of far off lands, some carried teddy bears, some made us laugh, some seemed very committed to the Faith and spiritual. Then, one day they are smashing Rosaries, proclaiming that the practice of homosexuality is acceptable,and you find out they have not set foot in a Catholic Church in years.

These seem like betrayals. Betrayals of trust. You let these people into your life, you read them, you followed them, you liked them, you had coffee with them, you thought you knew them.

You thought it mattered when you were one of the last people still speaking to them after they had managed to alienate everyone else. Then, one day they call you a bitch and the next day they are telling you it was meant as a joke and you wonder if they are off their meds or you are being played.

Maybe we are all being played. Maybe I am really a bitch. Maybe I am really spiritual. Maybe I am really committed to the Lord. Maybe I'm not.

In any event, the opinion of those who matter to me is still intact. I hope the Lord still (or has ever) loved me. Beyond that: whatever.

Update 9:00 a.m. September 25, 2011: This post is not all about one person. It is an amalgamation of several people.

September 22, 2011

Jesus is Surveyed!

My favorite local progressive parish, recently did a survey of its parishioners. Business minded folks who see all churches as a business may praise this survey. Surveying parishioners is not always a bad thing, but, seriously, surveying parishioners about "inclusive language", "length of the Mass", "guest speakers", "quality of the musicians"? Ok, honestly, the entire thing gives me a headache.

What's next? Surveying the relevence of the Scripture readings?

"How satisfied are you with the Gospel readings on Sunday?""How relevent are the Scripture readings to your lived experience and your spiritual journey?"Follow-up question: "Do you want us to bring the reflections by Matthew Fox back?""How pissed off are you that the Tabernacle blocks your view of the guitarist?" (question only applicable if you don't attend Mass in the gym) Answers on a scale of 1 to 5 (5 being feeling non-peacemaker like, 1 being couldn't care less)"Would you like to see interpretive dance and puppetry incorporated at every Mass?"

I'm being extremely sarcastic and I know it, but, honestly, aren't some questions we may want to survey our parish about best asked in an educational setting like, oh, say, RCIA or a Catechism class or Catholicism 101? Settings where the appropriate instructor could respond with knowledgeable and instructive answers on "Why do Catholics do THAT?" instead of just throwing surveys around that suggest Faith is subject to popular vote - because if it is we are in trouble.

Bring It!

It's time for The Crescat's Cannonball Catholic Anti-Blog Awards - not to be confused with the "Anti-Catholic Awards" sponsored by Bob Jones University and the National Catholic Reporter

This blog is nominated in two categories:1) Snarkiest Catholic Blog 2) Best Blog that Needs to Be Updated More Often

There are a lot of really good blogs on the nominee list. Deep curtsy to The Crescat for hosting this award show again. Thank goodness we don't have to sit thru "This is Your Life" with Fr. Richsteig again this year! The pyrotechnic show was cool, and Father's Cartman impression is always hilarious, but the surprise appearance by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing "Lord of the Dance" should have had a disclaimer announcement "May cause excessive gastric reflux. Take your Nexium!"

September 20, 2011

Are We Having Any Fun Yet?

Today in history "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" has been repealed in the U.S. Military. Today in neighborhood history I'm in Day Two of the door-to-door election campaign siege: Meaning they knock and I refuse to go to the door and then throw their literature they insert in the door frame in the trash. I used to feel a sense of obligation and guilt if I didn't go to the door so there I would be: holding my dinner plate while wearing my pajamas and robe (I get into both as soon as I get home from work so sue me) talking to these folks who 9 times out of 10 are supporting some progressive, leftie cause that I'd probably be excommunicated over. Uh, yeah, no thanks, what part of my statue of Our Lady of Peace outside makes you think I support that stuff that is contrary to my beliefs?

Yet, they always hope that you are one of those CINO's that has the exterior trappings of Catholicism but thinks Ted Kennedy was the greatest man who ever lived. Most of the time they are probably right..not at my house though. Heh.

Speaking of "don't ask, don't tell"..how many of us treat our Faith like that - especially in the workplace? You don't ask and I will not tell. These days it's perfectly acceptable to talk about your "partner" at work but if you want to talk about Christ you better be ready for a meeting with your HR business partner about how inappropriate evangelizing in the workplace is. Yet, really, what is talking about your family unit structure? Isn't that a form of evangelization? It must be. If it wasn't and if so many people were not carrying that torch for the last 3 decades of openness and inclusion (which I continue to maintain means openness and inclusion of anything other than traditionalism), would alternative family structures and domestic partnership (rather than one man, one woman) be enjoying the widespread acceptance it seems to enjoy now?

At my workplace there is a Christian interest group along with some ethnic interest groups and a GLBT interest group. In the Christian interest group there is a Wiccan spy whose only reason for being on the Christian interest group is to report back to executive leadership when, God forbid, there is any mention of Jesus or anything going on that looks like evangelization. Did I mention that no one is forced to join this group and participation is not mandatory? Is anyone seriously going to tell me that the ethnic and GLBT interest groups don't have an agenda that they are pushing? Isn't that agenda a form of evangelization, if you will?

I'm creative, but even I can't make this stuff up.

On the other hand, when presented with the opportunity to talk with co-workers about, say, what are you going to do on Sunday or what do you do for fun, how often do we NOT mention going to Mass, prayer groups, Adoration, RCIA, Scripture reading etc?

Is it that we don't consider Catholic activities "fun" or is it that we've bought into the corporate culture that says you don't talk about your Faith at work because you might offend someone?

I know I'm occasionally pretty lame when it comes to talking about my Faith with others in the workplace. Lukewarm.

Is there a happy medium for discussing the Faith when working for your daily bread? Should there be?

September 16, 2011

1 Peter 5:8 or Luke 12:15?

Another prominent priest is being challenged by his Bishop and, thus far, it's not clear that this priest is going to submit to his Bishop's authority.

It's enough to make one wonder what is going on? Or, is what is going on necessarily bad? In any case, be careful in assuming that priest's who have these dynamic ministries have not let the attention they get from these high profile ministries take over their lives. Their lives are supposed to be for Christ and I'm not saying they are not. However, there may have come a point where they lost sight of their original mission - you know; the one when they were ordained and vowed obedience to their local authority as Christ's representatives upon Earth?

There is something bewitching in media attention. Don't fool yourself, BLOGGERS, you get and enjoy a certain amount of media attention too. I know I have had media attention and interviews since I started the blog.

My original intent at starting this blog was not for attention, however, I will not lie to you and say there have never been times I've enjoyed it.

Part of the reason for my silences and hiatuses is I need to keep the perspective. The blog is not life. It's not, and should not be, my exclusive outlet for relating with Christ and bringing His truth to others.

September 13, 2011

Finding Joy

Where is it?

For several months now, actually for nearly a year, I feel like I'm faking any joy I show to the outside world. I don't know. I can't articulate it. But, it feels like I forgot how to be happy. Really happy. I've been so busy with work and family that it's consuming my life to the point that I can't relax. I can't just. be. I don't know joy much anymore. Truly.

The only thing that seemed to break thru some of the listless fog was the Mass and Adoration. Even there I often felt like I was not taking my cares as an offering to the Lord so much as carrying on my own internal dialogue consisting of worry of all the crap I needed to do or could be doing rather than sitting here with God seemingly doing nothing constructive.

Of course, the last was the planted idea of Satan. I told him to shove off.

However, a few weeks ago I finally realized that what I mistake as lack of joy is really ingratitude for the blessings God has bestowed upon me. I have employment. I pretty much got what I wanted in that regard. Heck, I even started a new job this week: how many people these days get to announce they got a new job much less A job?

When I got my new job I was practically yawning in detached arrogance. Of course, I got a new gig. I'm fabulous. How I got this new gig (I can't reprint the story here) is a nearly perfect illustration of how God must have had some hand in it because it's an almost perfect example of how nothing is impossible for God.

I finally realized while I may have some merit; I owe nothing to my own merit. Somewhere along the line I half awoke to the realization that God. Really. God. God is behind everything. Every blessing every seeming non-blessing, every tragedy, God is always there. Whether He's carrying me, adminonishing me, offering His hand in help as I sink in the deep, giving advice, offering His presence, He is always around.

Once again, He is always present but I must need my eyes checked because I don't always see Him. Even when He is there, I must be ignoring Him.

I can't remember, honestly, when I have felt as stupid as I have felt the last few weeks - once I realized what I was doing. I was taking credit for too much. No wonder I felt joyless. I knew it was wrong.

September 11, 2011

In Memoriam-Ariel Louis Jacobs

This is a post that I originally did as part of the 2,996 Project on the five year anniversary of 9/11. I'm reprinting it today.

Ariel Louis Jacobs b. September 16, 1971, d. September 11, 2001

"We are lucky enough to know that we are more than our losses"-Jenna Jacobs, widow of Ariel Jacobs

Ariel Louis Jacobs, Ari, to his friends, was a man at the top of his stride. A newlywed, he and Jenna were married on September 23, 2000, and an expectant father. In the span of 10 years, he rose from Radio Shack clerk to Executive Vice President of U.S. Operations of Caplin Systems, a British online financial service company. He and his bride had a new home in affluent Westchester County, New York.

He was a man on the move who enjoyed the good life. He was frequently on his cell phone but he still made a point to connect with everyone in the room with his eyes. He enjoyed a good cigar, basketball, paintball, golf, Grey Goose vodka martinis, sushi and yellowfish tuna.

"Ari could always make you smile. His smile and humor were infectuous. He also had the amazing talent of wiggling his ears when you asked him...I will not remember Ari with tears, but instead with the smiles and laughter that he always shared with others."-Cathy Beebe, friend.

He is quoted as saying he did not want his new home to be a showplace. He wanted the furniture to be comfortable so his guests would be comfortable. He and Jenna hosted pool parties and cookouts at their home almost every weekend. He often used his frequent flier miles to bring his bride's family to New York from Minnesota to visit.

"The many ways Ari will be missed will be countless. For me, it will be as a mentor who befriended me on my first day at FutureSource.....Whats more, he had the ability to make you laugh. I mean, really laugh. No matter how bad your day/problem/situation seemed, he would find a light and guide you there. A true friend, Ari was, who really wanted to hear about your dentist visit if that was all you had going on. ...Friend, you are missed."-Amy Conciatori Nash

On September 11th, Ariel Jacobs was attending the Waters Financial Technology Congress at Windows on the World on the 106th Floor of 1 World Trade Center--the North Tower. Around 8:47 a.m. he called his assistant to say that he had arrived at the conference. About one minute later, American Airlines Flight 11 slammed into the North Tower between the 93rd and 99th floors. 102 minutes later the North Tower collapsed. No one in the North Tower above the impact zone survived.

Six days after the attack, Ariel Jacob's son and only child, Gabriel Benjamin Jacobs was born--one day after what would have been Ariel Jacobs' 30th birthday.

"Ariel was the center of my world, and I lived to make him happy. People often told us that we had an aura around us that glowed with our love. Simply put, we were crazy for each other. I am so lucky to have had five years of what most people never had at all. We left nothing unsaid--not one word, not one adoring look, not one touch. My only regret is that we did not have more time to show each other over and over again how in love we were."--Jenna Jacobs

Changed, Changed Utterly

On the morning of September 11, 2001, I was being lazy and overslept. I called work (the office was not open yet) and left a message saying I was late because I forgot to tell them I had a dentist appointment. Yes, I lied - a lie that, given the real tragedy of the events of the day, has shamed me ever since.

About 8:00 a.m. central time, just before heading to the bus stop to catch the bus downtown, I had a few minutes so I turned on my computer. I did not have a fast connection back in 2001, but it was not THIS slow. My homepage was the CNN website and I watched the screen on my CRT load SLOWLY. So, slowly that the page never fully loaded more than enough for me to see a headline appear that said something like: Airplane hits World Trade Center in New York.

I thought someone hacked the CNN website which would explain why the site was so slow because there is no way it could be true. I decided to turn the TV on for confirmation.

I don't remember which morning show I turned on. I just remember turning it on and the north tower had massive clouds of black smoke and a sea of white paper swirling around it. "My God, it's true"

I was watching live when the other plane appeared to go almost all the way thru the south tower.

I was still watching live when first one tower and then the other collapsed. I remember Mayor Giuliani walking the streets heading toward the towers. I remember his news conference where he said the south tip of Manhatten was completely closed off. I remember wondering where Air Force One was. Where was the President? It seemed once he left that school, no one knew where he was. The President being in hiding from a threat was not a sign of reassurance.

I remember thinking as the towers collapsed, no way will anyone live in those towers.

I remember when the first rumblings of another plane crashing in a farm field in Pennsylvania and how that plane may have been headed for the Capitol building. I remember hearing how a plane hit the Pentagon. It appeared no one was safe anywhere.

I remember not being able to stand it anymore and I went outside and dug out two big shrubs from my front garden bed (I had just moved into my current home in St. Paul in the Spring of 2001) as my transistor radio carried the news from Minnesota Public Radio - which was only the news from New York and Washington and Pennyslvania. I remember my neighbors coming home from work (offices closed all over the city - including mine so I never went in that day which I was happy not to do as I worked in a tower downtown) and no one spoke; no one looked at anyone; no one said a word.

I remember hearing how the hospitals in New York were gearing up to be overrun with injured. I remember hearing the even worse news: hardly anyone showed up to be treated. The hospitals were not full. The hospitals were not overrun.

I did not see people jumping from the towers. That footage came later - the Internet was full of it and still is. However, I will never forget an image that I saw only once anywhere before I think the networks destroyed or permanently pulled the footage - a bulldozer moving thru the wreckage and the scoop coming up with a bunch of debris and a woman's nyloned legs with her shoes still on sticking out of the scoop.

Other areas of the world deal with terrorism every day but this was the moment the United States joined the club.

There are other moments the U.S. was attacked - Pearl Harbor comes to mind. But, I remember my paternal Grandmother, who lived on an Indian Reservation in northern Minnesota in December 1941 and was working on child #3 of 8, telling me that she had as much chance of ever seeing Hawaii as she did ever making a million dollars in her life and it seemed so far away and unreal. She did not even hear about the attack until the next morning when she went to the store and somebody who had a wireless was talking about it. They had no TV, they had no radio, no phone, they didn't even have electricity or running water in the house.

Today, we get to watch terror unfold in real time. Is this progress?

In 1941 pretty much everyone went to Church every Sunday anyway so I'm sure the next Sunday after the attacks were not really any fuller than any given Sunday (which then had nothing to do with football on TV)

After September 11, 2001, churches were PACKED for several weeks. There was even a prayer service in the IDS Crystal Court in downtown Minneapolis. I skipped it and went to the prayer service at St. Olaf which was packed.

Now, it's not so much "where were you?" on 9/11? Now, it's where are you? The sudden love, zeal and clinging to Our Lord for strength and comfort didn't last long did it?

September 09, 2011

The Interior Pharisee

I was sitting in the Adoration Chapel this week praying the Lord wouldn't notice me because I'm currently in a sinful state. Ok, who isn't? But, mine are mortal and I can't get to Confession until Saturday afternoon. Of course, the Lord notices everything and everyone but when I'm really bad I just hope I kind of fly under His radar and He notices the people who are even worse than me!

Which is like that Scripture passage about the smug man who gave thanks he was not as bad as everyone else, isn't it? He went home justified and full of his own self-importance but I'm sure he was smote at some point. Well, if not outright smote, probably brought down a few notches and taught a lesson. If nothing else, he lives on in notoriety in Scripture. I'm not sure I'd want to live on in notoriety in Scripture - live on as a fine example of virtue and tolerance maybe but, oh my gosh who remembers them? Aren't they boring? Ok, I guess Mary is remembered quite a bit...

Anyway, where was I?

Speaking of noticing everyone...I still can't help but take a few moments, when I'm drowning in fatal sin, to notice the attire and attitudes toward the Blessed Sacrament of those around me. So, who is worse, the chick (ME) who dresses well and looks reverent but is full of sin; or the people who roll in shorts and tank tops but may be in a State of Grace?

You can't see it though can you? Well, I can't. But He can. Which makes me think I should sit in the front row all the time in those places of honor that the Pharisees favored because maybe then I will only have my eyes on Christ and will not be able to see anyone else..Oh, wait, then there's the priest, what is he doing wrong? OH!

The point, well, really a question that I don't have an answer to, I'm trying to make here (yes, Virginia, there is a point!) is that maybe I worry too much about the exterior disposition of others and it's interfering with my relationship with Christ?

September 06, 2011

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I was happy not to blog this summer. I spent a lot of time in my yard creating new garden beds, digging sod out, making many trips to the compost site, moving 10 pound edging stones into place. I realized that being on the backside of 40 means that I hurt all over after every stint in the yard for at least 2 days after. I'm not where I want to be with this yard project but I've made a goal to finish to a certain point before the snow flies (around here that could be next week) and I'm confident I'll make that goal-in spite of Swissy refusing the water I have to offer and not being dumb enough to show up and help!

I did not go to the State Fair this year and I'm having a major cheese curd withdrawal that will make the winter really LOOONNGG.

Watched NASCAR on TV - will not get to a race this season. Watched the Twins on TV because I don't think even the fabulouslessness of Target Field can make them look good this year.

I took care of my Dad this summer. He was in the hospital twice. The 2nd time he had a minor stroke. He is recovering but will never be back to full strength. It's all about accepting where you are now and the little victories.

I'm changing jobs AGAIN! Yes. But, this time with a minimum of theatrical dramatics because Terry couldn't talk me into anything. I'm staying at the same company but moving to a different role and department. I start the new gig next week. I hope I miraculously get a life but I've discovered that no job can give you that - you have to get it yourself.

I'm still trying to finish Team of Rivals It's a great book but I'm still searching for extra time to read.

I'd spend more time at the beach but after I scared all the kids away last time I couldn't bare to go back.

I gave LarryD more sidebar material. Honestly, I should get a share of any Crescat award he gets this year. If he wins the free trip to Rome I want the 2nd seat; he can stay home, I'll go with his wife.

I'm now, officially, a Chant Schola Groupie. Did you even know there is such a thing? A chant schola or a groupie for it? heh. Yes, I'm with the schola - nobis quoque peccatoribus. I know I'm the groupie because Ray is dropping his laundry off at my house.

I'm happy I sat out the revelations about Fr. Corapi. I watched from the sidelines as it unfolded. I was glad to do so. Because I was on hiatus, I felt no urge to rush a judgemental post. I'm sad that many of the allegations appear to be true and, honestly, I don't know where Fr. Corapi's head is at - only He and Fr can speak to that. I'm even sadder that many Catholic bloggers immediately piled on and tried to pull him down. Apparently, it is a major shock to many that God calls sinners, not the righteous. Maybe's it's true that Catholics really don't read the Bible? Bible or not, it seems that the Virtue of Charity flew straight out the window and never came back. This is the not first time in the Catholic blogosphere we've seen a brother or sister fall down, is it? Where are they now? Regardless of what Fr. Corapi did or did not do, it does not change the fact that he had moments of deep inspiration from the Holy Spirit and positively impacted many lives - including mine - pray for him. If he makes it back, welcome him and forgive him.