Christian Advice, Devotions, and Encouragement for Single Women

What NOT to Do When the Relationship is New

When I was a teenager, like most kids my age, I wanted everything quick, fast, and on the double. Not only did I want my desires delivered with all due haste, this was the approach to just about everything else I did as well. I rushed through my homework, and I couldn’t wait until the hard classes were over…and my chores, forget about it! Lickety split was putting it lightly; I bulldozed through those. My grandmother would constantly tell me, “It takes time to do anything the right way!” She called my quick, half-hearted approach ‘half-doing something’, and she couldn’t stand it. I can’t count the number of times she scolded me about rushing through things and missing those important details that make all the difference. I paid no attention to those words back then, but today they are my continual motivation and the theme song of my life.

My grandmother’s wisdom is spot on with the wisdom of God’s Word. At the end of the day, everything is going to come back to us with the same energy and effort we used to put it out there. In Luke 6:38, Jesus Christ solidifies the reality that it is more of a blessing to give than to receive. He tells us that giving equals receiving, and that the amount we give will determine the amount we get back. This is mathematics at its best. God has woven this kind of order into His extraordinary laws; it’s how the universe was created by Him to function.

This is one of the reasons it is so important to comprehend that we are indeed spiritual beings, because everything that we do has a spiritual consequence. It only takes a few major disappointments to hit this one home. We can mess things up royally and miss great opportunities for love, success, and well-being because we’ve made a habit pattern of rushing things. We’ve all heard the saying that good things come to those who wait. This is more than just a saying. Again, with this reference, there’s some biblical wisdom involved.

Don’t Neglect God’s Peace
The prophet says of God in Isaiah 26:3(NLT), “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” It is no secret that the believer who trusts in God’s perfect timing will be guided by His peace. When it comes to a new relationship, the guidance of God’s peace is the only way to ensure solid footing not just for potential longevity, but for your continued spiritual well-being, regardless of how things work out.

In a new relationship, we can’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions; both can cause major disappointments in the long run. They are sure signs that we’re allowing anxiety to call the shots, and this allows the enemy room to mess things up. Again, the absolute best approach is to let the peace of God guide all your actions.

Don’t Be Impatient
Romans 5:3 tells us that tribulations give us a work-out in patience and endurance. We dislike the discomfort, heartache, and pain that come from troubling situations; as well we should. They are not sent by our Heavenly Father, but they are a part of life, and we can learn from them. Tribulations, particularly those involving past relationships, hopefully teach us to be patient and to look next time before we leap; at least that’s the lesson we should have learned.

Sisters that have been praying a while to cross paths with the right person may not be aware of their own feelings of deprivation. They may have unreasonable expectations, and these can smother a relationship in the beginning. Loving ourselves means that we will give our souls the time they need to hear from the Spirit. One of the greatest mistakes we make is to underestimate the willingness of God to help us stay on track and pace ourselves, so that we move in alignment with His divine timing. We can tell the difference between a blessing and a trick by having the patience to wait and make sure we see God at work.

Don’t Out-pace the Relationship
Again, when we start expecting too much too soon, we can out-pace a new relationship. It’s good to be a careful observer of yourself and make sure you don’t expect a commitment before the man is ready to make it. Being patient means that you’re willing to gauge yourself, and that you are watchful of the new person’s queues. Good practice is to mirror his actions in a way that is both caring and cautious.

He calls or texts; then you reciprocate, but don’t do too much. And never feel pressured to compromise Godliness to keep a man. God would not present you with a situation where you had to do this. Be prayerful continually, and listen closely for the direction of the Holy Spirit.

Peace, Patience, and Pace; honoring these will continually keep you aligned with Christ, so that you will know if the new man is a presentation from God. If he is, the Holy Spirit will continue to guide you, so that your new relationship grows. If he isn’t, you’ll have gained invaluable spiritual discernment and insight that has prepared you for the blessing that is surely on its way. ■