Cocaine, the cool new energy drink

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Cocaine! It’s the energy drink advertising executives, journalists and c-list celebrities have been waiting for. Cocaine is being billed as a ‘legal
alternative’ to the class A drug, using a massive hit of caffeine
instead of cocaine. The drink’s inventor, Jamie Kirby, said: ‘It’s an
energy drink, and it’s a fun name. As soon as people look at the can,
they smile.’

Kirby will be smiling too when Cocaine becomes insanely popular, as I’m sure it will. How can it fail, with such a cult, controversial name attached? Kids will think it’s the coolest thing in the world to go into a shop and buy a can of Cocaine.

Cocaine reportedly contains 280 milligrammes of caffeine and is ‘350 percent stronger than
Red Bull’ Yowza!
According to the company’s website, the only way to get more caffeine
per ounce is with an espresso.

Cocaine is expected to launch in San Diego this week. Kirby says he
is already getting inquiries about selling the product in England.