Happy Mondays says CAROLE ANN RICE

PLEASE don’t make assumptions. If you don’t know don’t guess. Be curious instead. Assumptions are the brain’s way of categorising, making sense of the unknown, creating judgment and ultimately putting our noggins in the position of being right even when we don’t know for sure and may very well be wide of the mark.

Don’t make assumptions that everyone likes ABBA, cake, ice cream, chocolate, the works of Simon Cowell, sharing lifts, camping, your pets, the gym, smoothies or that bloke who plays Poldark on telly.

I’ve got a chronic allergy to pretty much all of the above but there is a “we are all in it together” blanket assumption that people like or dislike what we do and therein lies the alienation and cause for upset.

The thing about assumptions is we believe they are the truth.

We make assumptions about what people think and might even live our lives by this flimsy notion, reacting, living in fear and maybe blaming others for something we have conjured up.

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Whatever end of this scale your assumption sits the real killer is that you want it to be true.

That way you feel solid in your beliefs even if they are inaccurate.

You can create emotional poison with assumptions that can break relationships and bring you to your knees.

“She had red hair so I knew she was trouble” to “I’m not the sort of person luck happens to” are simple, corrosive assumptions which will end unhappily. It’s a big price to pay for trying to be right isn’t it?

Conflicts are created when assumptions create unnecessary distrust, relationships fall apart on wild guesses not based on fact.

“They didn’t return my call because they don’t care” even when they may have been in a tunnel; the person making the assumption has created bad energy and anxiety around the situation.

Then it escalates.

The more fear you carry the more assumptions you pack for self protection but it won’t end well.

Learn to ask questions, be a seeker of the truth not a guesser, communicate clearly what you want and don’t hide it behind the perceived failings of another.

It’s so easy to blame something or someone else on account of our own fears and distorted perceptions.

Rid yourself of hiding behind assumptions and there is a certain magic to be had in discovery, freedom from disappointment and the wonderful carefree joy of not always having to jolly well know.