Ask A Very Smart Brotha: How Do I Get Him To Deposit His Check Into My Account?

Joanswach: Can you have a relationship where you have never met your partner but you chat all day long?

DY: You have to meet eventually. Unless, of course, you want one of those relationships like in the movie “Her.”

Joanswach: What if we are not in tie same country?

DY: Then, you have to make plans to eventually be in the same country, or go your separate ways.

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Shannon: There is a guy I dated for 3 months and stopped dating …He has texted me ever since. A random ‘how are you or when can I see you’ every 3 or 4 months for over 2 years… Why? I never follow up and make plans with him.

DY: He’s not interested in you, but wants to see how interested you still are in him

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Laa Laa: How do I get my husband to deposit his check in my account? He is too irresponsible with money! I need to talk him into this and then I will give him an allowance.

DY: That’s a tough one. You need to appeal to his logic, while being mindful of his ego. Putting a grown man with a job on an allowance probably isn’t going to fly. But, maybe you can convince him to set up a joint account where you both put a set amount (say, $1,000 a month each) to pay for bills/mortgage/rent, etc.

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Timeless: How much space and time do you think is a healthy amount to give a man to grow and mature in a relationship?

DY: Don’t believe in arbitrary numbers for time and space. The “right” amount is what you think is the “right” amount. That said, waiting for someone already in a relationship to change is often an exercise in futility.

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Ultimate: How do you respond when a man you are dating says he loves you…BUT the feeling isn’t mutual? I really don’t want to hurt his feelings?

DY: Be honest. If the feelings were reversed, that’s what you’d want, right?

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BriTonya: I hear all the time that men want a good woman, which I am. Why do I keep getting friend zoned? I guess a better question is how to keep from getting “friend zoned”?

DY: I’ll give you the same advice I’d give a man who found himself in the “friendzone” all the time. Be upfront with your intentions. If you like someone, and you get the feeling the feeling isn’t reciprocated, don’t wait around and hope for them to change their mind. Be honest, say this isn’t what you’re looking for, and move on.

This may not seem like much, but doing this instead of setting into the “wait around” trap establishes yourself as someone with romantic wants and needs. And, if you start believing that — and acting like you believe it — you’ll start attracting more men with a romantic interest in you.

Also, being “good” doesn’t get people in relationships. It’s definitely good to be good. But, for someone to want to be with you, you have to bring something other than being “good” to the table.

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Beatrice: I had a weight loss surgery 3 years ago and lost almost 200 pounds. My now husband who I met after my weight loss surgery is overweight around the belly and he suffers from high blood pressure. How do I inspire him to lose weight and better take care of himself?

DY: That’s a tough one. I mean, obviously people need to make healthy decisions for themselves. But, if you’re a person who had surgery to lose weight, I don’t know how effective you’d be at convincing someone to lose weight by the more traditional means. My advice? Stress how much you love and that you want to grow old with him, and that his health makes you worried about that

That’s a tough one. I mean, obviously people need to make healthy decisions for themselves. But, if you’re a person who had surgery to lose weight, I don’t know how effective you’d be at convincing someone to lose weight by the more traditional means. My advice? Stress how much you love and that you want to grow old with him, and that his health makes you worried about that.

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Darlene: I have been dating this guy for approximately 7 months. We use to date years ago but I broke it off (long time ago). HE was the one to look me up…hunt me down…confess his undying love etc. To make a long story short, I gave him another chance and the nicer I am the more distant he becomes. My friends tell me to “get mean”…Why? I don’t see why I would have to resort to game playing like we are kids. Is it “the chase ” that’s being missed? I know he’s under a tremendous amount of stress and I understand the need for space however enough is enough. How long should you give a man before you just cut the relationship off? I feel you make time for what you deem important. I care for him deeply… But there has to be a cut off.

DY: Seems like he’s playing games. I’d move on to the next one.

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Ashley: I have 3 kids and no ring… I know I want to move on from my current hopeless relationship but don’t want to hop from man to man or have different men around my kids…any advice?

DY: You can leave your current situation…and just be single. You don’t have to be in a relationship. Just be single for a while, take care of your kids, and start dating again when you find someone worthy of being with.

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Charmaine: What is your take on being friends with ex lovers not baby mamas on social media but not with you’re current bf/gf?

DY: If you’re in a relationship with someone, and you think it’s a problem, it’s a problem.

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.

The international catfish and stupid girl were bad enough,but O-o at “how do i get MY HUSBAND to put his check in my bank account was the kicker, what???

NOPe

“Also, being “good” doesn’t get people in relationships. It’s definitely good to be good. But, for someone to want to be with you, you have to bring something other than being “good” to the table.”

Exactly, which very few people seem to be able to articulate.

Live_in_LDN

Exactly. You can be the nicest, ‘good’ person on earth but If there’s no chemistry, there’s no chemistry…

FromUR2UB

The one Darlene is talking about sounds like he just wanted to prove to himself that he could get her back, but he doesn’t really want her. A lot of guys’ egos just won’t let them accept a woman walking away from them. They’ll do everything to get her back, but won’t do everything to keep her. So, you end up walking away again, unless he walks away just to get even.

Kylie

Ha, I gave the title a side eye, but I see now. And Idk why, but I kind of like the idea of just talking to the person and never actually meeting.