My Husband and I met very early in life and wasted no time starting a life together, we bought our first home when I was 18 and got married a year later in a beautiful Summer Wedding witnessed by 200 friends and Family. The cluckiness quickly set in for me soon after the wedding. A little over a year later we found ourselves stepping up to be full time foster carers of a relatives children. Over the year they were with us we learnt how much love, joy and understanding children can bring to your life, even under difficult circumstances. My Husband and I knew we were ready to have a child of our own and were excited for what was to come.

Being Just 21 and generally healthy I thought I’d have a gorgeous baby in my arms within a year, Instead I’ve found myself 14 months and 3 losses later with no baby. Had I not lost these pregnancies I would now be 5.5weeks pregnant, 13 weeks pregnant and have a 1 month old baby.

We first discovered we were pregnant in December 2010 and were both over the moon. The morning after the positive pregnancy test I had a little spotting and went to the doctors. After a week of blood tests, sleepless nights and agonising over whether our little one would be okay I miscarried. Despite only being early on my heart broke and grieved greatly for our lost little one.

Following I began to have health problems- losing hair, dry skin, stopped ovulating, feeling hormonal. As a result I discovered I had Hashimoto’s disease and my miscarriage risk was placed at 80%. My Hashi’s was then being treated for a few months and my Endocrinologist said to continue trying for a baby as he saw no reason why we’d have any other issues.

Not too long after we got another positive pregnancy test, I felt so relieved…I was fertile again and this time we had a real shot at taking home a baby! Within a week we lost this pregnancy. I felt angry, frustrated and confused. Where was I going so terribly wrong? What was so defective about my body that it could nurture and grow a baby.

During August our first pregnancies expected due date came and went with 3 babies born that week to friends and family. with each announcement my heart ached for the baby we should have had.

The next month I saw that hoped and prayed for 2nd line on a pregnancy test. The fear immediately set in and there was no emotional capacity for excitement. I felt scared of the torturous days that lay ahead to discover if I could stay pregnant. I delayed getting a blood test as I was scared of what it would tell me. The results from the week before showed that my progesterone had already started dropped well before I found out I was pregnant. After I few days I began to be more hopeful, the test line was getting darker each day, my thyroid levels were looking great and my strict diet would be keeping my insulin levels low. I calculated the Expected due date and it was our 8th Anniversary- maybe this little one was going to be it! Blood tests confirmed I was pregnant but then I noticed the pregnancy test lines fade in the following morning followed by cramping and spotting. Here we go again.

So here we are, 14 months down the track, 3 losses and an empty beautiful home ready for a baby.

Moving forward I am continuing with my Endocrinologist and naturopath and am starting with a new fertility specialist in a few weeks time. I’m praying for hope and healing in the near future.

Comments

I’m so sorry to hear of your losses. No matter how old you are, it still hurts just the same. Have your doctors monitored your Progesterone levels? This was my problem and the reason for my first pregnancy to end in m/c. I went on to become pregnant 2 months later, immediatly on Progesterone suppositories and carried to term. I also took the Progesterone when I become pregnant again, 19 months later, with our second son.

I have started with a Fertility specialist am having a truckload of tests done. they said they will most certainly use progesterone to help my levels (which are shocking) and look at other options also (e.g. clomid)

They have also found I have PCOS, high insulin and Vit D deficiency which can both increase your MC rate. My thyroid is continuing to do back flips and I can’t try again until it’s within a certain range, It’s just almost impossible to get it into that range without it soaring or diving out of it.

Since I posted this I have been on an organic, low carb, high protein, no soy diet to improve the thyroid and insulin issues.