Thursday, May 13

portfolio time :)

my celebrating me gives me mixed emotions.

i don't like re-writing already-neat papers. i hate those little clear plastic sleeves you have to put them in because they give you nasty paper cuts. and i was fat when i was in middle school and personally, i just don't feel i should have to relive that by putting a sixth grade picture on the front cover of a portfolio that will passed around for everyone to see.

the pros? i get to spend a lot of time in Hobby Lobby, and "i can't. i've gotta work on my portfolio" is a nice way to get out of chores.

but i also like seeing how i've changed over the course of my junior year. and oh believe me i have! there were lots of "first day of school questions" and things to fill out about who i am and what i think about life in general. and the first few are short and freakin' bitter! maybe not bitter, but definitely not happy. i felt like everyone was going away, and i was stuck here. in lamar. with nothin' to do.

the only things that didn't really sound bitter were about zack. some were about how goofy he was and how i was glad i had a friend like him. and gradually they got cheesier and cheesier. i'm sitting here trying to remember the last real conversation i had with zack. we'd just played in the scranton tournament, a week before Christmas. we talked about how my grandma made some really good enchiladas last time i was out in Kentucky. 7 months and a conversation about chicken enchiladas and then nothing. not another call. text. letter. bitter was the story of my life.

i suppose i grew from that. gained some patience and common sense and what-not. as the papers continue to land in my little blue folder, they're getting longer (which i regret now that i'm re-writing them all) and happier. its like reading a book. one that you think you might've read before, but its been a while and you aren't really sure. when something significant comes up, it's like "Oh yeah!! I remember that!" and you either want to laugh hysterically or be all sentimental and what not. and everything else, the little minute details, those just add to the suspense.

sometimes i'm like, why in the world would i write something like that down on paper? how dumb was i? but it makes me laugh. once in a prompt we had to write about something we know like the back of our hand. i said, my driveway. i could back out of it among the trees and trailers and trucks with my eyes closed. apparently i don't know the back of my hand very well. i hit a tree just the other day. things like that make me laugh at my own hard-headedness.

oh! hey leslie, i have a boyfriend. his name's taylor. and he speaks a ridiculous amount of spanish in everyday conversations. to people who aren't hispanic. i thought you might like to know, oh you who stalk me relentlessly. :)

all done. oh! and vedera is a pretty stinkin' cool band. i like em. a lot.