Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2000 22:48:22 -0800 (PST)
From: Wesley Cook
Subject: Past Reflections part one
Author's note: Hi all, this is Wes , I have come up to a writer's block on
To Love NSYNC so I have put that story on hold for a while. Also I have an
editor, the author of NSYNC Love, you guys know him as ZEO or Mano. Also he
is graciously helping me on the story. I want to let you know too that
there are some very good stories out on NIFTY so read them. They are too
many for me to name. Also I love to get e-mail. Good or bad I like to get
it. I will respond to all as fast as I can. So please let me know what you
think of this story.
Legal stuff: Okay you know the drill if you aren't old enough to read this
then don't. Also this is not to say that any of the BSB are gay or Bi. (But
we can wish huh. Hehehe). So now on with the story.
Oh by the way you can e-mail me at wesleym2@yahoo.com so now on with the
show.
Past Reflections
"Babe what ya doin'?" Kev asks me.
"Oh nothing much, just think about what my life was like before I met you."
I say.
"Oh..." he says suddenly depressed.
"Babe don't worry, every thing has worked out for the better so far." I say
as I wipe a tear from his face.
"I know but you were in so much pain that... I really don't know how you
were strong enough to recover." He says sobbing on my shoulder. Thinking
back before we met and how we met.
**Flash Back**
I'm laying here in the hospital after a major car crash that left
my boyfriend dead and nearly killed me. I really don't remember what
happened just that I saw this car heading straight for us after running a
red light. Apparently the other person was killed as well. The doctors have
said I would make a full recovery in time. That's physical injuries not
emotional ones. I just lay there cold to the world. The one thing that
meant the most to me was taken from me in a matter of minutes. I had no
family that cared for me, I was the out cast of the family. The doctors and
nurses tried to comfort me but it just wasn't enough. Most of the time I
cried, and then I would sleep or listen to music. Music was the closest
thing I had to my love that was now gone. The doctors were at a dead
end. They couldn't get me motivated so I can leave. Money wasn't the
problem. But with all the money I had it wouldn't bring my love
back. Nothing would.
My story had been broadcast over the U.S. showing people that drunk
driving has claimed two people and maybe another. I was told that the man
that hit us was drunk and was speeding at a very high speed. The hospital
started a campaign against drunk driving or what they did was join one. I
didn't care.
After several weeks they released me and I went to find an
apartment to live in. I would have check ups and all but I was healed
enough to leave. There was one person that I could count on and that was my
best friend Dennis. He helped me find a place and get me settled in. He was
always checking up on me making sure I was okay and all. He was a big
help. But one day he ended up for the first time getting me to smile.
"Hey Mark, you won't believe what I just received for you!" He said over
the phone.
"Dennis I'm not in the mood okay" I said a bit upset.
"Hey, I'm coming over to show ya. Be sure the house is clean and ready for
some possible guests." I sighed knowing now that he had some of his friends
coming over to try to cheer me up.
"Okay, what ever, no beer you got it." I said
"Oh I know your gonna love it." And he hung up. Damn he was hyper. I looked
around and saw the house was still clean like always. I'm a very picky
person when it comes to a house. And myself. I turned on the tv to the
weather channel and watched them till Dennis got here.
**An Hour Later**
I had dosed off to sleep while watching tv. I never really slept
good anymore but that is not important at this moment. I was awakened by a
loud knock at the door. So I got up to see who it was. I opened the door
and saw five guys there.
"Hello can I help you?"
"Maybe." The shortest one said.
"What he means is Dennis Mitchell sent us here." Oh so I was to be cheered
up by a group of guys who by the way are cute.
"Oh okay well I'm Mark Cook please come in. But wipe your feet first." They
did and came on in. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?"
"None for me." The tallest one said. I think he's the cutest. What why am I
having these thoughts. The other guys asked and I got what they wanted. I
come back and I see Dennis with a big grin on his face. I give the guys
their drinks and I sit down.
"Mark we would like to introduce our selves to you, I'm Kevin, the blonde
over there," He said pointing over by the tv, " is Nick, the one that has
the sun shades on is A.J., That's Howie sitting next to Dennis and the one
sitting next to me is my cousin Brian."
"Nice to meet you," was all I said. I looked over at Dennis and his mouth
was on the floor. "Dennis what's wrong, you act like there are celebrities
here or something and I don't it is nice for you to have your mouth open
like that." He shut it quick while everyone else laughed. But for some
reason I laughed to. And that's what got Dennis.
"He did it, he did it, he finally laughed." Dennis shouted getting up and
coming over to me to hug me. I was surprised but it felt good to laugh
again. Then it hit me these guys were celebrities but who are they.
"Mark, we are known as the Backstreet Boys." Nick said. When I heard those
words I froze. They were my boyfriend's favorite band. I began to tear
up. "What did I say?"
"Nothing it's just you were my lovers favorite band." They all bowed their
heads in respect. Kevin got up and walked over to me and gave me a
hug. When he touched me I felt something in his touch. I remember it from
the touch of my lover. I slowly looked up into Kevin's eyes and saw the
same look I saw in Jason's eyes.
"Mark..." I heard a ghostly voice but it was the voice of
Jason. "Mark... it's time you let go of me. I wasn't the one who is to be
your true love. I was to prepare you for the one. I have done just that,
but now you must open your heart so that love can begin." I felt like a
great weight lifted from my heart.
"Thank you Jason." I said. Everyone looked at me with wide eyes. They had
heard the voice as well. But what they were staring at was that me and
Kevin were kissing.
"What the Fuck." It was Brian. "Kevin what are you doing?" We broke and
just looked at Brian. Who was now standing seething with anger. Kevin
turned and shot him a look that would kill if looks could kill. But that
didn't stop Brian. He stood and walked over to Brian and just stared at
him.
"Everyone out..." I said, I couldn't take this now. Everyone just looked at
me. "I said everyone out but Kevin." I said with tears running down my
face. I could go through what I went through with losing my family
again. Everyone left except Kevin who by now had tears running down his
face.
"I... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Mark." He cried. I took him in my arms and
held for a few moments. What I had to say would hurt so bad but I couldn't
deal with people hating me just because I'm gay.
"Kevin... I... shit, Kevin there can't be an us. I can't not this soon,
maybe not ever but please know I do care about you but..." He stopped me
with a finger over my mouth.
"Mark I know, I care about you to. Please Brian was just surprised he
didn't mean anything by it. Don't turn your back on something that could
be."
"Kevin... the lose of my family started just like what Brian did, the
yelling and cussing. I can't go through it again. Any way you guys have to
deal with the media and I would just cause problems. There is something
between us I know it because I can feel it but it won't last right now,
please..." I broke down crying. Kevin held as he cried too. I knew I loved
him even be fore I met him. Jason was right that he was the person to start
it. It hurt so much to have to say the things I was saying. Normally I'm
not one to fall in love so quickly, but I did, some how everything lined
up. Kevin began to sing as he rocked me still crying. It was I Need You
Tonight that Nick sang.
Open up your heart to me
And say what's on your mind, oh yes
I know that we have been through so much pain
But I still need you in my life this time, and...
I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really need you tonight
I figured out what to say to you
But sometimes the words they, they come out so wrong, oh yes they do
And I know in time that you will understand
That what we have is so right this time, and...
I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
All those endless times we tried to make it last forever more
And baby I know
I need you
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really need you, oh
I need you tonight - I need you, oh I need you baby
I need you right now - It's gotta be this, it's gotta be this
I know deep within my heart
No, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or it's right
All I know is baby
I really need you tonight
Finally I fell asleep to the sound of Kevin's voice. Kevin picked
me up and carried me to bed and let me sleep. He had a few things to take
care of. So he went out side to call the guys back in.
"Okay guys come back in. But no yelling!! Got it." He said emphasizing the
no yelling part. Everyone re-entered the house and sat down. Brian, and
Howie were both quite upset at Kevin and me. But they stayed quite for
now. "Now what the fuck do you think you are doing Brian, trying to kill
him or something."
"No, Kevin... I just don't think that you need a gay life style right
now. And two I think he will just end up hurting you." Before Kevin can
respond Dennis speaks up.
"Brian, when I wrote you guys I told you that Mark is having some trouble
right now. So when you get here his life starts to look up because his dead
lover's favorite band is here showing they care you go and destroy any
respect he had for you guys except for Kevin. Also Mark isn't going to
hurt anyone of you with the media or mooch off of you in the money
since. Mark is a freakin' millionaire he was the soul beneficiary to
Jason's life insurance and all. Hell even Mark doesn't even know because he
would rather use the money for charities than to help himself. Before Jason
was killed he told me that and to make sure Mark uses the money for himself
and the one who he would fall in love with. Jason knew he was gonna die
sooner or later because he had cancer. He refused to let Mark know because
he didn't want him to know about it. So give any of that bull shit about
Mark hurting your image." When Dennis was through everyone in the room was
in awe they didn't realize any of the possibilities. Of course Dennis woke
me up and I heard just about everything he said.
"Dennis is right guys we need to give Mark a chance, even Kevin a chance to
see if there is something there." Nick replied. I had tears in my eyes, but
I stayed quiet. I saw a light coming from the corner of the room. I watched
it as it formed into a figure. It was Jason.
"Thank you Dennis," He nodded to Dennis and then turned to the
guys. "Hello, I'm Jason or what used to be Jason I am his spirit. I loved
Mark dearly but I knew that I wasn't the one for him. It was my job to
prepare him for that one true love. Kevin that one true love is you, but it
has to grow. Mark senses it but is afraid to grasp it because he is scared
he is gonna lose you and the guys. During my time here on earth I tried to
get him to know you guys and especially you Kevin. I made sure that when I
died Mark would be taken care of money wise, but love wise I never got to
get that done. So now I am here to let you know that you and Mark need each
other. It will be a while before Mark is ready to love but he is on the
right track. Please take care of him and protect him. My time is up for now
I must go till we meet again farewell." And then Jason was gone.
"I still think Mark would be bad for the group." Howie said.
"I do to, You need to forget about him and lets go we have to be in New
York in two days, and we have rehearsals tomorrow." Brian said. Kevin stood
up and walked away from the guys.
"Why won't you let me be happy?" Kevin asked in a pained voice.
"Mark is not what..." Kevin stopped Brian before he finished that sentence.
"Don't you go there Brian, you're my fucking cousin not my mother or
father. Plus you aren't me and you don't know what I need to be happy. We
have been together for almost seven years now and I put my feelings on the
back burner so that we can succeed but now it is time for me to be truly
happy and Mark is what I need to be that way. So if you can't accept Mark
then you don't accept me. I will not stay with people who will not accept
me." I heard several gasps from the guys.
"You can't do this Kevin, your under contract." Howie said.
"Fuck the contract, my feelings are going to be the first thing in my life
from now on. So unless I can be with Mark and the BSB I will not be in the
BSB." I was surprised. I sniffled and Nick heard me. He turned and saw me.
"Mark..." When he said that Kevin turned and saw me standing in the hall
way crying. He rushed over to me and caught me before I fell.
"Shhh... babe it's okay I'm here for you, no one is gonna hurt you." He
said as he held me. I felt safe and warm in his arms. He picked me up and
once again carried me to my room and laid me down on the bed. But this time
he stayed with me. Holding me tightly as to protect me from harm. Again I
heard him singing.
I would give up everything
Before I separate myself from you
After so much suffering
I've finally found the honest truth
I was all by myself for the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from my heart
It would not subside
I felt like dying
Until you saved my life
Chorus:
Thank god I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish
And every dream
Somehow became reality
With you
But the sunlight completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you
I will give you everything
There's nothing in this world I want but you
To insure your happiness
I'll cherish every part of you
Cause without you beside me
I can't survive
If you're keeping me warm each and every night
I'll be alright
Cause I need you in my life
Thank god I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish
And every dream
Somehow became reality
With you
But the sunlight completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you
See I was
So desolate before you came to me
Looking back
I guess it insures that we were destined to shine
Over the rain
To appreciate
The gift of what we have
And I'd go through it all over again
To be able to feel this way
Thank god I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish
And every dream
Somehow became reality
With you
But the sunlight completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you
I surprised that he could sing that song but then I wasn't. I
didn't care. I fell asleep shortly after he finished. I remember him
kissing me on my forehead saying I love you. This time Kevin stayed in the
bed with me. Soon he was asleep too.
**Back in the living room**
"Guys I think they have gone to sleep so I guess you can go back to the
hotel. They need time alone. And no they won't do anything because they
aren't ready." Brian was crying because he was losing his best friend and
family member. "I think also that Kevin will be at rehearsals as well. Mark
won't let him leave the group and right now Mark maybe the only person who
can convince Kevin to stay with the group." With that Dennis ushered the
guys out of the house and locked the door. Leaving me and Kevin lying
asleep in my room. Off in the distance I heard the song This I Promise You.
The visions around you
brings tears to your eyes
and all that surrounds you
are secrets and lies.
I'll be your strength.
I'll be your hope,
keeping your faith when its gone.
The one you should call
I'm standing here all alone.
I will take you in my arms,
and hold you right where you belong,
till the day my life is through
this I promise you,
this I promise you
I've loved you forever
in lifetimes before.
and I promise you never
will you hurt anymore.
I give you my word.
I give you my heart.
This is a battle we've won.
and by this vow
forever has now begun
Just to look into your eyes
and see you right here with me.
I know that this feeling wont go away
Till the day my life is through
this I promise you.
Every word I say is true
this I promise you
ooh I promise you
I smile in my sleep knowing that maybe my life is on the up track once
again. This was the first night since the accident that I didn't have a
nightmare. I think it was due to the fact that Kevin was there with
me. Protecting me from all harm, just to love me for me. He was willing to
give up everything he had to be with me, so instead of him doing that I was
gonna find away to keep him in the group. Hopefully I could become friends
with all the guys. But only time will tell.
TBC.