Thursday, December 14, 2006

Flying In (No) Style!

My position on any fashion article that deals with "Cute and Comfortable Travel Clothes" or "Flying in Style!" or "Airplane Chic!" is that it is full of damned, dirty lies and the writer should be made to wear mustard yellow Carhart overalls into Saks Fifth Avenue as punishment for her ethical defects. Articles like this almost always show you outfits consisting of expensive jeans, a light cashmere sweater, and a bright-colored pashmina (Seriously, how many times have you seen that exact outfit in a magazine being hailed as a revolutionary fashion equation?). They even recycle the same phrase about the pashmina, something along the lines of "A bright pashmina will punch up your outfit on the ground but can also double as a light blanket on the plane--perfect!"

I used to heed these articles' advice and try to be cute on plane rides, I did. I loved the idea of landing in a new place all fresh and chic and ready to roll. But in reality, my intense fear of flying means that my hours in the air are spent hyperventilating as my boyfriend holds my arms down and tries to convince me that this bout of light turbulence does not warrant breaking the complimentary beverage cup and ending the pain with a shard of plastic to the neck while other passengers glare at me for screaming "Gah! This is it! We're going down! Goodbye cruel world!" one too many times. By the time I arrive at my destination, I'm hoarse, have lost all the color in my face, contracted a cold, and just want to sleep for days on the sweet, sweet ground. This is the time in my life when I probably care the least about being cute. And despite my dramatic tendencies, and I know many of you are going to disagree with me on this, I don't think jeans are that comfortable on plane rides. I've worn expensive jeans, cheap jeans, tight ones and loose ones, and they always end up sticking to me or bunching up wrong or being too stiff or cutting into my stomach and it's enough to make me very nearly condone Juicy Couture tracksuits.

Anyway, I'm flying home tomorrow morning (keep it together, Winona, keep it together), and I thought I'd show you the slight crime of fashion (a misdemeanor, really) that I'm planning to wear.

Let's start with the meat of the offense:

Yes, I'm wearing leggings. No, I'm not going to cover my ass with a long tunic or skirt or dress for the sake of the world as style experts desperately plea. These are comfy, soft, stretchy, and really unflattering--perfect. I like to pretend that I look like a much larger thighed version of Audrey Hepburn...so don't ruin this for me, okay?

To continue the Hepburn (dis)illusion, I pair them with this:

Ah, the wonderful J. Crew sweater I bought a couple months ago (mine is blue). It is also soft, comfy, and stretchy, but actually quite flattering. Maybe the chic top will make up for the blatant display of cellulite and major risk of transpacific camel toe due to my choice of bottoms? Probably not, and even if it did, the shoes send the outfit all to hell anyway:

The coup de grace of my air travel outfit: my ratty pink fur-lined moccasins that aren't nearly as nice as the ones in this picture. They're stained and ripped and definitely make me look the part of the mentally disturbed person that I am while in the air.

This has pretty much become my go-to travel outfit. It's the sad truth that I would probably wear this if I were, I don't know, getting off the plane to meet the press after my presidential inauguration, or arriving in a foreign country as a rookie diplomat, or landing in Paris to accept the award as Most Fashionable Person In The World. Yeah, that would be a bad choice, but for me and my paranoia, there is no such thing as flying in style. Hopefully there's no such thing as flying in an airline-mandated straitjacket either...

14 comments:

sara
said...

I have that sweater in camel, I wear it constantly despite the fact that it's really not flattering with bootcut jeans. It needs a slimleg jean or leggings, but my big ol' butt in either is liable to scare little children and cause young debutantes to faint straight away. You are certainly braver than me.

My gosh, you're going home so soon! I'll be glad to hear all about the nitty gritty of fashion and shopping in P-town. Good luck with your flight. And given the atrocities I saw at the airport yesterday (Juicy knock-off track suits in deep, ugly brown on women older than my mother--yes, there was more than 1.) you will be the cutest person on the plane.

Please, a skirt or something! Not leggings, nooooo.This is more than a misdemeanor, this is premeditated style murder in the first degree!The top is adorable, and the shoes are actually kind of funky cute.

I really feel the same way about flying. It's unnerving and uncomfortable. I think my favorite flying outfit is composed of yoga pants (loose & comfy!), a tshirt, sweatshirt and jacket. I'd rather lose layers than be short.

Oooh poor baby - I say forget about the damn outfit and fill up your ipod with super relaxing music. I listen to my favorite bossa nova (hell, I even pulled it out when my wisdom tooth was being extracted!!).

Let me know if you need a cd mix. I would be more than willing to send one off to you :(

My favorite travelwear is a jersey knit dress. I have one from Coldwater Creek that is cherry-patterned, and while it is anything but chic, I can wear it and feel comfortable and not hideous, both at once! I've actually slept in a bed in it before, so I know it's comfy for that, too.

I like to be comfy when I travel as well. And warm. Let's PLEASE not forget warm. I shutter to see people wear summery sandals on the plane. OMG, I would FREEZE OVER! My favorite thing to wear while traveling is a velour track suit (and yes, I've even worn a knock-off "Juicy Couture" one.. in light blue... I've since sold that on Ebay) and a pair of Uggs, because believe me, my feet can NEVER be too warm.

And I have no travel advice for you since I've already read your post that follows this one and you seemed to have made it home safely and in one piece! Happy Holidays to you and have fun with the fam!

Awww you've read my mind - I was just thinking what I was going to wear on my 24hour flight to London...considering I start in Summer, stop at humid and sticky Singapore and end up in freezing cold London!!I think leggings would be great because I could always put a pair of jeans over the top before we get to London!!!