Thursday, January 05, 2012

Those times when you want to smother your children... with love

I had kept them up until a little past 8 p.m. to avoid the 30 minutes of loud babbling we'd been treated to the past few nights at bedtime.

So why the hell aren't you sleeping, Malachi?

I didn't want to cave in like we have the last few nights and let him watch TV, so I let him cry for a while.

Keep calm, Shasta. Matt's at work so you're all alone tonight.

Still crying.

I hate this kid, I hate this kid.

I pick him up and rock him and sing to him.

Keep it together, Shasta.

He cries even louder and thrashes around on me instead of the bed.

Don't get angry. He'll only get scared and cry harder if you get angry.

He must have an upset tummy. He had a lot of gas at dinnertime but never did poop.

Dammit. I'm going to have to shove a suppository up his butt, aren't I?

Cry.

Yup.

Cry. Burp. Cry. Strain. Cry. Poop.

Ahh.

As his breathing calms, we dance together in the moonlight in the living room. He lays on my chest and looks up at me with tired unblinking eyes. We breathe each other's air for a long peaceful moment.

Then, he says, with a recognition I feared I would never see in his eyes: "Ama."

I've been sucked into reading quite a few of your posts this morning for the first time after following the link of the "Rollover" video from FHM. Your words are so eloquent and so profoundly felt that I feel like I understand even though I have not personally experienced all that you have. Thank you. -Danielle

Books by Shasta Kearns Moore!

Prayers, thoughts, well-wishes, intentions, good vibes, whatever

Here are a few key things on our cosmic wishlist for Malachi's recovery. I don't care who you address your requests to, but I do believe you can help us right now by taking a moment to ask your divinity for these things:

» The patience and stamina to explore his body and what it can do.

» The ability to swallow food and liquids normally.

» Stability through his trunk, including strengthening the flexor muscles.