[contests|polls] Kalimpura Caption Contest Voting Poll

This is the caption contest voting poll, to celebrate the availability of the Kalimpura ARCs. Usual rules apply. Prize after the voting poll will be an inscribed copy of the Green and Endurance trade paperbacks and the Kalimpura ARC. Additional prizes may be awarded at the judge’s discretion.

Which caption best fits this photo?

blue_23: Jay decided to have his entire body surgically removed except for his lips. His soft, red, delectable lips.

[cancer|polls] Various updates, plus help Jay name his three tumors

Tough day yesterday. I had a long talk with my parents about mortality, disease progression and my specific fears mostly around finances and lifestyle for the_child. They were quite supportive.

Also had a number of difficult interactions with the_child, who continues very stressed in all the obvious and expected ways. She’s a great kid and a magnificent human being, and she is carrying such a load right now, generally with a lot more grace than I could have managed at her age. I am so grateful to all the friends and family who are supporting her.

On the fun and funny side, my parents got together with a number of my friends and family to buy me a new recliner. This came about because we discovered last week that my old recliner had broken springs which could not easily be repaired. At the time, I commented that if I had the money, I’d buy a well-built La-Z-Boy or some such. Quite literally under my nose they organized this group campaign to supply me with a good quality substitute. We went to the showroom late yesterday afternoon and bought a powered recliner with lift assist — as I said at the time, the chair will drive healthy me a little nuts, but it will be a huge benefit to sick me. And to be blunt, sick me in the ascendancy now.

In other news, I’ve decided to name my three tumors. They have become very important citizens of my body, and achieved an outsized significance in my life. So I need a way to talk about those three little bastards.

I have been collecting suggestions in comments [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ]. Now I’ve made a poll with a list filtered from the suggestions, based solely on the criterion of what I liked or found amusing. Help me decide! Drop in on the poll and click a favorite.

[polls|food] The One True Pop-Tart poll results

Last night at 9:23 pm Pacific, I declared the One True Pop-Tart poll to be over. I left the poll open in case anyone else wants to drop by, but here is the winning screen shot:

Frosted Brown Sugar and Cinnamon wins by a nosehair over Frosted Strawberry, 97 votes to 93, with a total of 254 votes cast.

I do believe this was my post popular poll ever. Jersey Girl in Portland and I will have to review the comments to identify our favorites, and determine an appropriate prize. My thanks to everyone who participated.

As for the original issue? I am pleased to say that my pick prevailed, as I am a Frosted Brown Sugar and Cinnamon aficionado. Jersey Girl in Portland favors that strawberry crap. Though in all fairness, it was pretty much a dead heat throughout the life of the poll.

I have now embedded the comments into a voting poll. Unfortunately, some of the longer witticisms are truncated by the poll code. Usual rules apply. Prize after the voting poll will be an inscribed copy of The Sky That Wraps. Additional prizes may be awarded at the judge’s discretion.

Which caption best suits this photo of Jay laughing?

Alex J. Kane - If you're going to do that, sir, the law prefers that you do so in the center of the city street with one hand on the arse of your horse, for the sake of balance. (17%, 8 Votes)

markbourne - "Jay rolled his eyes, an action he usually avoided because putting them back in again tickled like the dickens." (13%, 6 Votes)

delkytlar - Jay's spirits get a lift when he learns that everyone at WorldCon actually thought his new hairstyle was a hat. (6%, 3 Votes)

elizaeffect - Wonka's new tomato-flavored chewing gum sounded disgusting at first, but was a surprise hit at the Lake compound - until the transformation began... (6%, 3 Votes)

Gerry Huntman - Jay Lake, wearing on his shirt the extremely rare, but fragrant, Euphoric Daffodil, the only plant known to exude, even after picking, nitris oxide. (6%, 3 Votes)

H - "No really the view of the sheep is out of this world! Here, lemme lend you my eye." (6%, 3 Votes)

goulo - Because his cap is ribbed for extra pleasure. (6%, 3 Votes)

deza - "You think a published author makes how much?" (4%, 2 Votes)

cjmarsicano - I don't need the silly turban and the sealed envelopes to do Johnny Carson's "Carnac The Magnificent" routine. (4%, 2 Votes)

catjuggling - "I sense a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror, when I farted." (4%, 2 Votes)

I have now converted it to a voting poll. Unfortunately, some of the longer witticisms are truncated by the poll code, so take the time to pop over to those links and look them over before you vote! Usual rules apply. Prize after the voting poll will be an inscribed copy of The Baby Killers. Additional prizes may be awarded at the judge’s discretion.

Steampunk caption contest.

madrobins: "I admit to its utility," said Miss Penderghast. "But the steam-powered corset-laundry will not catch on until it can be rendered small enough for the ordinary household." (15%, 12 Votes)

shelly_rae: Fortunately the colonoscopy scope has improved in the modern era and no longer requires a team of horses. It just feels that way. (11%, 9 Votes)

cjmarsicano: The Lime Observatory apologizes for the embarrassment caused by an intern pointing our telescope at the nudist beach in the next county. (10%, 8 Votes)

Maurine Starkey: The opening of the new steam power station has been delayed until crews could finish with the faux aged and distressed decor. "Dystopian aesthetic is the standard in today's society (6%, 5 Votes)

jaborwhalky: In aether, no one can hear you scream (4%, 3 Votes)

frozenrhino: D00d, this thing is gonna be the best waterballoon cannon EVER! (4%, 3 Votes)

robling_t: Upon reflection, Shelley decided that "Look on my cock, ye mighty, and despair" was a bit on-the-nose and did some rewriting... (4%, 3 Votes)

lagbolt: His right ankle needed oiling, and the paint was peeling on his foot. (4%, 3 Votes)

jenntheamazon: Well, time to paint the aquaducts again *sigh* (3%, 2 Votes)

goulo: Weeks after our gallant troops suppressed the local insurrection, the spice duct still showed vestiges of the vain spear attack on that fateful day of Prince Higgenbotham's coronation. (3%, 2 Votes)

dionysus1999: Smokestack Lightning: because a 50 foot metal man's smoke has to be proportional to his other brass assets. (3%, 2 Votes)

Randy Henderson: She think you mighty man when your pipe look like to this. Buy Doctor Miracle's magical unction and put you the steam back in your punk!!! (3%, 2 Votes)

martianmooncrab: Blowback from the mighty Air Rail Gun was highly corrosive, and if the Gun Crew didnt follow proceedures, casualties would rise. (1%, 1 Votes)

Deven Atkinson: Pictured are the frozen roller bearings of the Niagara Falls Power Company's primary penstock. Lack of rotation these past two weeks has caused the pipe to begin filling with sediment (0%, 0 Votes)

Ellen Eades: The Kiln Veterans. (0%, 0 Votes)

erikthenude: Well, the utility company said that if we bought 3 household appliances that they would hook our home up with gas for free. (0%, 0 Votes)

Randy Henderson: You put the lime in the Majestic Mechanical Material Mixating Marvel, and mix it all up. Add coconut to taste. (0%, 0 Votes)

selfavowedgeek: I stormed Aqaba, and all I got was this stupid t-shirt. (0%, 0 Votes)

felt that this was a natural for a caption contest. The usual comment madness ensued: [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ]

I have now converted it to a voting poll. Unfortunately, some of the longer witticisms at my expense are truncated by the poll code, so take the time to pop over to those links and look them over before you vote! Usual rules apply. Prize after the voting poll will be an inscribed ARC of Pinion, plus a bonus book. Plus will also get a special prize for his role in inciting this idiocy.

Which caption best suits this photo?

Don Glover: Jay takes his service gold fish for a walk.

Philip Brewer: Thanks to our bioengineered wool, current opiate levels are shown by the red stripe in the patient's hat.

John Booth: "Are you sure EVERYONE has to do this to get a Google Wave invite?"

Leigh Ann Hildebrand: "We're confident that the hat-ectomy will be a success, Mr. Lake. You'll be able to return to public life in no time!"

Leo Schwab: "I didn't know House could knit…"

Dinogrl: The painting George Seurat decided not to paint; "Sunday in the Hospital with Jay".

Gerry Huntman: Davros learning to walk as part of Xmas cheer

Deidre: My plan is already working. With a hat this crazy, who could be bothered to notice the rest of this unstylish stuff I'm carting around?

Steve Buchheit: Well, Mr. Lake, with your feeding tube and catheter permanently attached now you shouldn't have to break from writing to attend to those annoying habits of eating or peeing.

Patrick: "This here is the WriterBot 4000. As you can see the tubes are directly interfaced with my creative organs. This allows me to continually output fiction at several hundred words per hour, ev