5 Funniest Quotes From R. Kelly's "Soulacoaster" Memoir

The best day of 2012 is almost here: June 28, the release date of R. Kelly's soon-to-be timeless memoir Soulacoaster: The Diary Of Me. Besides listening to his entire discography on repeat (2003's Chocolate Factory a few extra times for this gal), the other thing we've been doing to prep for the release is reading and LOLing at the excerpts from the book that have hit the internet.

While the snippets we've read thus far recollect some of R.'s heartfelt memories about late, great musicians Tupac, Notorious B.I.G. and Michael Jackson, some of the rest of it is just hilarious. BECAUSE IT'S R. KELLY'S MEMOIR.

Check out five of the funniest quotes from Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me below [via Rolling Stone], and get your copy of the future New York Times best seller tomorrow.

5. On collaborating with Notorious B.I.G.: "Something would have been wrong with the Earth if we hadn't done something together."

4. On his relationship with Tupac: "I'd go around saying, 'No one is better at the rap game than Pac.' And Pac went around saying, 'Kells is the most serious R&B thug out there.'"

3. On his own slang: "It was 1996; I had just left the lobby of the Hotel Nikko. (We called it the Hotel Negro because so many rappers and music business folk liked staying there.)"

2. On meeting Michael Jackson's chimp, Bubbles: "Just about then, Bubbles the chimp pranced into the room. In my mind, I called Bubbles 'Trouble.' The chimp made me nervous."

1. On ordering Chinese food for Michael Jackson upon their first meeting: "I was so nervous that I started practicing in front of the food just how I would introduce Michael. Would I say, 'Mike, would you like some Chinese food?' Or, 'Mike, want some of this, man?' Or maybe it'd be better to say, 'If you're in the mood for some Chinese food, Michael, you're welcome to it.'"