I'm just trying to get it right in this crazy world - and enjoy the ride as I go along...

December 07, 2010

OK all (by all I mean, well, you...) I'm moving my blog forever and ever. Its going to a new home...a beautifully designed home (by the greatness of Shauna). So...this is not GOODBYE, its FIND-ME-AT-MY-NEW-SUPER-COOL-HOME-THAT-IS-WAY-BETTER-AND-COOLER.

November 23, 2010

So...my website GURU (and good buddy, Shauna) is redesigning my blog and I decided to cleanup house a bit...re-tag some stuff and read thru some old blogs. Whoa...a LONG TIME LATER, here I am! Anyway, I saw this blog and thought about my sweet friend Colleen and how God is SOOOO good. How do I know? Well, I have lots of ways, but here's one I wrote about a few years ago...she's 2 kiddos in now and still one of my VIPs who is there for me on a deeper level..anytime I need her. Thankful for her...and hoping you can tell your Colleen that you are thankful for them this Thanksgiving week, too...

November 08, 2010

Let me 'splain...ya see I grew up next door to my grandparents. One of the coolest/quirkiest things was how my grandma would always move the furniture around...I'm talking weekly or sometimes DAILY something moved. It was crazy! Grandpa would put wheels on all the furniture they had...I mean EVERY piece of furniture...all crazy wonderful antiques stained the darkest shade of brown (that was also the color of his hands bc he was a furniture repholsterer/refinisher and I cant remember a time he didn't have 'stain' on his hands)...with wheels on the bottom of them.

I asked my grandma once why she always moved things around and she told me this, "Most of my life I didnt have the means to get new things and I had to love/appreciate what we DO have. But that doesnt mean that sometimes I dont want to change things...or have new things. So, I just move around what I have until it feels new and right."

Who knew how much wisdom there was in that statement.

Brent and I talked today about life and how fast things move these days...crazy fast. I cant keep up (as I type, there are lots of to-do items waiting on me). I cant seem to get a handle on it. I dont ever seem to feel like it "looks" like it should.

Do you ever feel like that? Just "off"? Frustrated? Stagnent? Like you're NOT living the purpose God has for you? Misguided? Lazy? Self-absorbed? Anyone? Anyone?I know on my BEST days I feel/live most of these.

It's time to move the furniture around.

I don't think God wants me to completely BLOW UP my universe everytime I get off-track...nor do I think He wants me to go out and replace all the old and start over. I think He wants me to move it around a bit...maybe get the priorities back in check...perhaps put that humility in a more prominent place and put the pride in the closet. Put that "loving others" thing back on top of the "being productive at all costs" item.

I dunno if this makes sense to anyone but me...and maybe Grandma (up in Heaven moving furniture around right now), but for me it was a reminder I needed today.

Today God will get a giggle out of my prayer..."Lord, show me how you want me to move the furniture around."

October 15, 2010

What is your legacy? No...really. What do you think you are leaving behind for all the world to know about the way you lived your life? I blogged about this very thing at my alter ego: MIC blog. Can you put your legacy in 6 words?

October 01, 2010

Driving to school today was a mixed bag of greatness...and (heavy sigh) regret for me.

Let me back up...

This week I've been kinda battling the feeling of dread and just basic disinterested monotony in my day-to-day stuff. It bugs me when I let life become a giant to-do list and by the end of the day I wonder what I did to make the world a better place...or at the very least, to make a difference in SOMEONE'S (even a dawg's) life. And so, for the past few days my prayer when I have opened my eyes was my Kris translation of a verse everyone's heard: "This is the day You have set for me - laundry, spending 3 hours driving back/forth to school, applying dog itch meds to said dawgs, laundry, grocery for 3rd time in 3 days, laundry - let me REJOICE and BE GLAD IN IT."

Rejoice and be glad in it (aka: RandBG).

That's been my goal...it's not been easy. And I feel sick and guilty for that as I watch awesome people all around me walking thru BIG, hard stuff and seeming to find a way to RandBG in the midst of it.

So FF to today...

I'm SO not a morning person. For. Real. NOT a morning person. But, in Operation RandBG I've tried hard to remember that I'm starting off a day for 3 of my fav people (and 2 of my fav dawgs); often, I'm the thermostat for how their day starts. And, to be quite honest, for one of my people - the newly middle-schooled one - life has not been easy lately. I GET to help him/them start their day...to be the beginning.

Rejoice and be glad.

It was the best drive ever...we laughed hard and they listened to me remember the funny words they used as baby-kids...and stories of how "Puppy-uppy" and "Woofy" got lost at malls and Epcot (another blog for another time) and how - at that moment - our entire universes revolved around the loss of stuffed animals who held magical power over my kiddos. And then it hit me. This train is moving WAY TOO FAST. 6th grade and 3rd grade.Puppy-uppy and Woofy are relegated to a top shelf somewhere in their rooms.

I miss Puppy-uppy and Woofy very much, thank you. But, I'll tell you what I was struck with...there IS and WILL BE so many more moments to be made and savored. Now the Puppy-uppy and Woofy moments are about bigger life stuff. Like, learning how to be compassionate to those who need it - and not caring who sees it. Like, being a good friend, even when you are hurting. Like, dealing with loss and pain...and trying to understand that. But, here's the kicker, for now, I GET TO be here for it all w/them.

I get so irritated at myself that I don't start everyday on the floor, on my knees thanking Him for the opportunity to live this life. Yep...it can be sorry sometimes...even monotonous (see: laundry), but if I choose to, I can RandBG in every bit of it.

When I trained for my 1/2 Ironman a few years ago I taped this on my top tube to see when I was struggling: "I GET TO". And so, here I am again...trying to learn that same lesson. This train of life is moving FAST...FASTER than we'd like at times. I don't want a moment to go by where I'm not trying hard to "rejoice and be glad in it".

I loved reminiscing w/my kiddos today. I loved those days when they were lil bitties. But, I WILL rejoice and be glad in the now that I get with them...right here...today. We can't wait for perfect times to RandBG, gang. Those times don't come by too often...

September 10, 2010

Its a notion that has been swirling around in conversations between me and Brent for years...a reminder that it shouldn't take a funeral to get us to focus on what matters. A question we ask ourselves often - why does it take a funeral to get us to stop and admit we need hope and direction here on this earth? ITAF - a book someday maybe? Who knows...but today I'm struck by that very truth that often times, ITAF.

Yesterday was one of the best/worst days ever. Yep, another funeral. A great life lived well...and ended too early. I think we can all agree on that. But, it was also one of the best because I got to spend it with some of my favorite people. And we got to talk about more than just what our kids were up to or how work was going (although, we did squeeze all that in, too). But we got to talk about bigger stuff.

I had a great talk w/a friend who said something I'll never forget. He said, "sometimes I feel like I'm not making any difference...like I work and do and I'm not having a greater impact on this world right now". I think we all have that feeling at times...wondering how this day-to-day stuff can truly matter in the bigger picture.

I can't stop thinking about that statement.

Something we talk about often is legacy. What does that mean? What does it look like? What is mine?

I think what I've come to decide is that we all have one - whether we like it or not. We all have an impact and a purpose...sometimes it just doesn't feel like it. And so, as I sat in the pew and thought about our friend Keith and his legacy, I couldn't help but wonder what do I want my legacy to be? And, if I get a handle on that, then what the heck am I doing to move toward that right now...right this minute...in the midst of the day-to-dayness of NOW.

As I ran today a theme kept repeating itself in the lyrics I heard in my earphones...

"This is your life, are you who you want to be?"

"...live like no tomorrow, every day is borrowed..."

"What are you waiting for? The day is gone."

"The tension is here - between who you are and who you could be; between how it is and how it should be. I dare you to move."

I could go on. For real. In my earphones. It just wouldn't stop. I don't believe in coincidences, y'all.

Here's where I landed on this: why do we often wait for what should be the perfect circumstances before we take on life in the way we know we were intended to? OK...rephrase: why are we waiting? I want to live a life where I wake up every morning breathing in these words: "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." No matter what comes.

What do I want everyone to be remembering about my life lived when its my turn to be the one being honored at the funeral? I want to live that now. Every minute. Every borrowed breath.

September 08, 2010

August 22, 2010

As we continue the 6-day (and still goin' strong) process of unloading/unpacking from our trip to Colorado, I'm struck by how HARD it is to "re-enter" reality after such an epic adventure.

Adventure...that's definitely what it's been.

Not just a 2-week adventure, mind you...but a 6+ month quest...leading up to the culminating 10:54 of our trip. Adventure, yep, that's the right word.

As always, I've spent the past few days thinking/praying (and pouting a lot bc its freakin HOT here) as I reflect on our Colorado trip and Brent's Leadville finish. I'll tell you this about my crazy man, I've never met someone as mentally tough or dedicated. I'm in awe of some of the ways he wills himself thru struggles...there's rarely any sign of give-up or complaining. In fact, in the garage above his bike area he has a quote from John Wooden that says: "Don't whine. Don't complain. Don't make excuses."

10:54. That's how long it took him to complete this race that he's spent 6+ months preparing for. Its seemed like an eternity, but truly, it was faster than any of us (except him, of course) thought we'd see him cross the finish line.

But for him - he later told me - he KNEW he was ready when he lined up to race. He had put in the training. He had effectively changed his day-to-day life, made sacrifices, and changed priorities that others often didn't understand for months and months to prepare for this moment. When we sat thru the pre-race meeting, I loved what 6-time champ, Dave Weins said, "Every single person on that course will think about quitting more than once...but DON'T QUIT. Just put your head down and stare at that tire and then look up, and you'll be at the next rest stop...then look at that tire again, and look up again and before you know it you'll be at the finish. Don't quit." Gulp. After the race I asked Brent if he felt that "I wanna quit" that Dave talked about...he shocked me when he said w/o pause: "never".

He was ready for that day. And he knew that he could do it. No whining. No complaining. No excuses. He said to me, "I was in more pain than I'd ever been in before. But I kept telling myself, 'You KNEW this was going to hurt...you knew it'd be hard...now get over it.' I consciously decided not to let my mind go negative. I tried to take it all in...every smell, every pain, every view. I spent all these months getting ready and I wasn't going to let my mind talk me into missing a single moment of it."

And it ended up being the most rewarding personal accomplishment of his life.

As he told me all of this - thru dust-burned eyes and severe tired head - I couldn't help but feel the contagiousness of his accomplishment. It made me think thru all the things I work on and struggle thru and SO EASILY let my focus drift off to the negative. "You aren't making any impact." "You can't do this." "You will fail." "You aren't ready for this."

For 10:54 he denied those negative thoughts. I'll never get over that. I'll never forget watching him roll across the line...not because it was over, but because for him, I could see that this moment was bigger than just a race. He defeated that trail and also his human nature.

I wanna be like him. I think about how hard LIFE can be - the BIG hard stuff and even the petty stuff that bogs us down and I think of his words to himself: "you KNEW this was going to hurt...you KNEW it'd be hard...now get over it." We spend so much of our lives preparing for what God'd have us walk thru, but when push comes to shove we let every other voice tell us we'll fail...and we believe them. I wanna take in every smell, pain, and view...every single one.

I'm proud of my man. 10:54 and a week plus a belt buckle later and we're planning the trip for next year. I have no doubts he'll do it again. I learned a lot from that 10:54...can't wait to see what he'll teach me for that sub-10 he's shooting for next.

"It's the things that you never get over that build the character of the man..." - Stephen Kellogg

July 20, 2010

Yesterday was a big day for my hubby. He peaked a 14er with his brother and his dad (actually, his dad almost peaked - made it to just above 13,000' and then waited for the young 'ens to come back down w/the guide). Brent was so excited...being in the mountains is always such a spiritual time for both of us...closer to God and all of that. But being on TOP...well, stopping and looking and just BEING THERE can be a life-changer.

He knows how much I love "cairns" and took/sent me a few pix...it reminded me of this blog I wrote a year or so ago. Felt like re-reading it...you I felt like re-publishing. Hope you dig it...oh, and here is one of the pix:

~~~

So recently I went to the cemetery for the first time in like 5
years...the one where my dad is buried. Funny thing, I drive past it
almost daily, but I dont go there. No need. He's not there...I know
that, but for some reason I was drawn there the other day.

As I
stood there and thought, "I have no flowers...or anything to leave her
to show someone's been here" I saw some rocks. And then, my first
thought was - a cairn - I need to build a cairn. Do you know what a
cairn is? I found a blog
on hiking that said this...

"With regard to Colorado hiking, a cairn is a
pile rocks placed near a
trail in lieu of man-made trail markers (e.g., wood signs, wood posts,
plastic/metal tree emblems, painting on rocks, etc.). Further, cairns
are used on ambiguous trails where hikers have been known to get lost.
Staying on a trail marked primarily with cairns can be challenging
because cairns simply signal that you are near a trail and do not
necessarily signal the direction that the trail is heading. Thus,
effectively following cairns along a trail requires finding the next
cairn in the sequence of cairns."

I found some rocks and
built a lil Flower Mound cairn...I told my bro later and he loved the
idea. Our own lil cairn right there for Dad. As the day went on, I kept
thinking about my cairn...and then, today as I was reading/praying I was
struck by something (bear with me, life analogy coming) - my life is a
process of building cairns...guides, markers, signals for where I've
been. I thought of all the pains/sufferings - and the good stuff, too,
of course - in my life and visualized adding another rock to my pile.
Hmmm. How many piles do I have?

How do I let all those things -
the things I should never forget that God has let occur in my life -
guide my life? Guide my path...the direction I go?

Ya know, when I
went to Colorado a few summers ago and my bro took us hiking, when I
saw a cairn he told me, "don't touch it...leave it the way you found it
or add to it, but dont take any of the rocks away...they need to be
there". And so goes my life as well...each experience NEEDS to be there.

I've been doing lots of "personal digging" in my life lately -
hoping to feel led to write about it soon - and God is showing me some
amazing ways He wants to lead me in a new direction. He wants to take me
on different paths that I've never thought I could manage. I've always
decided, "this is just the way God made me...my destiny is to be HERE,
just the way I am...".

He's been taking this opportunity to change
that thinking. I have to trust that all things work together for His
purpose - not just say it, but BELIEVE IT. Live it.

And so, the
images of the cairns stays with me today...and I'll beg Him to continue
to show me just how He wants me to stack my rocks. Being led is not
easy...trusting the path is a struggle when you have NO idea where its
going. But, I thank Him that He cares enough for each of us - regardless
of how we regard Him - to provide a trail...whether we take it or not.

"Staying on a trail
marked primarily with cairns can be challenging
because cairns simply signal that you are near a trail and do not
necessarily signal the direction that the trail is heading. "