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no sex and not happy.

My husband and I have sex maybe once or twice a year. I am NOT okay with this and have told him so repeatedly. We had some issues before we were married, but he said it was stress and we were having sex at least once or twice a month, then when we were TTC, we had sex at least twice during my ovulation time, but sometimes this was the only time that month. After a year of not getting pregnant, the doctor told us to have sex two times a week and three times a week during my ovulation. I finally got pregnant. Since I had a difficult first pregnancy, my hubby refused to have sex with me during this pregnancy as he didn’t want to jeopardize the pregnancy. Then it took another three months after I gave birth before we had sex again. So it was almost exactly ONE YEAR since we had last had sex at that point. Then it took another Nine months until we had sex again. That was 2 months ago. (continued)

Eight months ago, I told him I wanted marriage counseling. He went to the counselor first and then I went. The counselor said he was suffering from a lot of stress with his job, which I understand. The counselor told my hubby to get a new job and told me that I shouldn’t expect too much from him until this happens as his job has been very stressful. He has not done much to look for a job and things have remained the same.
I am tired of feeling unloved. I talked to my hubby about it again last week , and he said that he knows he takes me for granted and he will change. It’s been a week. Nothing’s changed. What do I do next?

If he didn't love you on some level, he would have already left you.so he must love you someway.Counseling is a good idea.In my marriage, I am the one who can do without sex.It doesn't mean I don't love him.Sex isn't love.It is all the other things you do for him and he does for you.that is love.

That stress from work BS always pisses me off! I can see where it would slack off a bit,but to go a year! Thats crazy! He does get a day off doesn't he? My husband works 50 hr weeks at a very physical job and we're still making love at least twice a week.He doesn't have the energy even if you do all of the work during? I call shenanigans on your hubby.Something is wrong there.

Whip out your toys and pop in a porno if that doesn't give him a hint I don't know what will : ) My DH went through a work related depression too and our sex life suffered. I kept proding him to talk about it and then he finally did and the flood gates opened. Ever since then he realized I'm behind him 100% and won't love him any less for complaining about his problems. Do you work? Does he feel like he carries the burden of the whole family?

I know he loves me, but he does not show it. I work full time as well, I do most of the housework and the cooking, he leaves at 7 am and doesn't return home until about 7pm. so I deal with the two kids all by myself after I get home from work. He gives me a chaste kiss before he leaves for work, one when he comes home and one before we go to bed. with each kiss, I get an "I love you". But those feel more like habits than anything. I know he is not having an affair. He works with my brother in law's brother and they have been keeping the same work hours. It's not just the lack of sex, it's the lack of affection all around.

Comment by
Anonymous
(original poster)
at 12:57 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

What if you try something super sexy to initiate some. Have someone take your kids one night and when he gets home from work surprise him with something you know he really likes. It's even more fun if you're naked when he gets there ;-)

Fordmomma, I've tried that--he said he was tired. This was after I put in a full day of work, came home, cooked, cleaned up, gave both kids a bath and put them to bed and HE was tired.

Comment by
Anonymous
(original poster)
at 12:59 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

does he have time to look for a new job? He may not have time because his job now takes up all his time...he may actually want to rest on his day off. My dh is in the same boat. He really doesnt like the job he has now but doesnt have the time to be out job hunting

Oh hunny I'm sorry everyone who wants affection deserves it. It sounds like you should be the tired one. Communication is very key. So are you willing to live life in a sexless marriage if not then you need to let him know that. I'm not one for ultilmatiums but it sounds like you've done about everything I can think of. HUGS and I will bump this