Vivid Bought Joe Francis’ Sex Tape, But (Thankfully) We’ll Never See It

Last time we heard from professional toolkit Joe Francis, someone had stolen his girlfriend Abbey Wilson's iPad and began peddling footage of the two bumping uglies, causing Francis to freak out (ironic, given how the 'Girls Gone Wild' honcho made his fortune).

Hirsch and Francis are buddies, so when the people selling the tape came to Vivid, Steve did Joe a huge solid by buying the footage for an undisclosed sum. (Pornographers code, bro.)

TMZ reports that he then returned the footage to Francis, along with a promise that the tape would never see the light of day.

"Because of the time-sensitive nature of the situation I made a decision to expedite the process and return the movie to its original owner," Hirsch said of his decision to eschew police presence in the stolen-iPad caper. What a pal.

So no one was arrested, no one had to watch Joe Francis having sex, and we all lived happily ever after. (Except for Joe himself, who currently has much bigger problems to worry about.)