Online blog written by a female with Asperger Syndrome.

There is something about me…

I am fully aware that others notice that there is something about me. Okay, they think that something is weird because anyone that doesn’t know about certain things would come to that conclusion. I’m not mad. I have always been able to sense and feel things. It isn’t a choice. I don’t always find out things by snooping around. In fact I have never snooped around in my life. I get information by what I feel and pick up. That is why I am so pissed off at how I’ve been labelled. I know that the mainstream world doesn’t understand these things, but I’d rather they didn’t create a narrative about me that isn’t true. I’ve never followed another person. I have had ocd emailing problems because I wanted a friend. It’s as simple as that. I fake a lot of my intelligence and borrow things around me to socially function. I am simple minded. I have no choice but to simplify things as much as possible for myself. Other people try to complicate things and add speculation to the mix. Then I start hearing versions of myself that I certainly know aren’t real. I have been victim to a lot of assumptions, started by those I trusted growing up. This is why I don’t trust anyone. The things that happened hurt me again and again on a daily basis because I know I’ve been misjudged.

If anyone is out to harm me with their actions, I can and I will bounce it back to them. I may be feeling like this because someone is trying to attack my energy field with spellwork or something. I’m not someone that uses spellwork with the Wiccan stuff but if someone tries to harm me I will make an exception. Also, if anyone is messing with that black magic side, it’s extremely dangerous for them as well as me because the three fold rule. Whatever you cast on another will come back to you three times harder.

That is why I am against spell casting. I’ve been into these things since 13 years old. I’ve used them naively so I know the dangers. If someone else has cast on me then they’re going to get it pinged back to them. I did some energy work on myself (because I have been exhausted), anything that is directed at me now will go back to the sender much more forceful than they send it out. Triple the three fold effect if what I did successfully bounces back everything. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because these things aren’t the type of things that anyone should class as a game. But, I feel certain things are going on and I’m not going to leave myself open to it. Even binding people in your life is a form of negative spell work.

And, you have to be extremely careful of your intent. For example, I wanted to be famous as a teenager. Instead, I ended up well known but not in a positive way. Dreams of fame and fortune are quite short lived anyway. I used to want that very much. I now can’t think of anything worse than all that. I prefer to do things in the background now away from other people. I don’t particularly like people anymore because of things I’ve gone through because of it hadn’t been for others not understanding me and reacting wrongly, I wouldn’t have been subjected to things that have permanently scarred me so much that I have nightmares and ptsd symptoms. I’m too scared to ever be in a relationship and friendships I now shy away from. I’m terrified that others will take me completely wrongly and get me thrown in police cells and courts eventually leading to prison. I have reoccurring nightmares of that constantly.