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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Lately, I have had a small obsession with finding vintage or second hand treasures. Ok, so it's not that small. But for me, it is a scavenger hunt; A fun way to look for old pieces to match up with modern buys. I haven't had time to go out and scavenger hunt lately, but I did spot some cute online finds that I am crushing on....and perhaps, buying in the near future. I am in a hurry for spring. That is probably why most of these items are not winter-esque. Here are a few items, both vintage & new, that I'm crushing on:

Boheme Away From Home Dress (Vintage)

It's well known that I'm a sucker for the Boho look. This maxi dress is chic and looks comfortable. Being a shade of turquoise (my favorite color to wear) makes it even better. $77.99 at one of my favorite online go-to's, Modcloth.

Retro 70's Bracelet (Vintage)

This 1970's Coral Rose bracelet is so perfect! I would maybe even wear it with the Boheme dress above. And for $20.00, it's a steal! Find it HERE. The RustyZipper is another one of my favorite online places.

It's A Beautiful Day Dress (Vintage)

Why, yes is would be a beautiful day if I was wearing this eyelet lace dress. Can you tell I want some Maxi Dresses??? Buy it HERE, at ModCloth. $72.99

Crystal Zodiac Sandals (New)

If I had $595 laying around to blow, I would buy these. I'm crushing on these super cute Crystal Zodiac Sandals in Leo from Intermix. How fun! See them HERE.

1970's Caftan Style Dress (Vintage)

Not everyone is a fan of Kaftans but I think they are unique. This pull-over flutter cut Hippie Kaftan dress catches my eye. Throw it on over a bathing suit for pool days or lounge in it on a lazy day. Buy HERE at RustyZipper for $43.20.

Cobalt Luichiny Suede Wedges (New)

In love with these Luichiny Cobalt blue suede Wedges. Find them HERE at Heels.com for $80.

Xhiliration Tank (New)

Great top for layering in spring or summer. I'm a fan of the bold colors. Only $17.99 at Target.

70's Dotsi Dress (Vintage)

I can envision myself wearing this with some oversized shades and a sunhat drinking a margarita. Loving the chevron-style print. Buy it at CoronetWeedsVintage for $40.00

Fair Isle Satchel (New)

I'm digging the pattern on this Forever 21 Satchel. I am the type of person that doesn't like to spend boat loads of money of handbags because I change them like the weather changes in New England. For $27.80 HERE, I'm sold.

Little Flower Girl Summer Dress (Vintage)

Scarlett needs a cute little vintage summer dress to don. I am smitten over this little flower dress in size 2T. Only $15.00 HERE at Pass The Parcel Vintage.

Tori's Favorite hokise Initial Necklace (Vintage)

This is a Tori Spelling's favorite necklace and I can see why. It's simple, vintage and charming. It is on my wish list. You can buy an original HERE at InvenTORI for $375. Or you can purchase a similar one HERE at Max & Chloe for $45.00.

Green Flower Vintage Drinking Glasses

Just like my clothing, I like an eclectic variety of kitchen and dinner ware, as well. So I have started collecting. These green glasses would be a great addition! $16.50 HERE at CinfulOldies.

Low-Rise Boyfriend Shorts (New)

Yes, I'm ready for spring so I can wear some cute shorts like these from Old Navy. $24.94!!

Last, but not least, is this Missoni Printed Silk Mini. I would already have purchased this for $320 if I wasn't so money conscious. I guess that is what is to be expected from a former banker. Maybe a nice birthday present from my boyfriend though....(hint hint)

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Yesterday, I woke up at 6:30 am. I turned the alarm off and thought, 'You have got to be joking.' How does morning come so quickly? My sweet baby Scarlett didn't sleep much that night. She was up every couple of hours crying.
Maybe the start of teething.
Maybe an upset belly...or just a growth spurt?
(I wouldn't know until today that she was getting sick.)
But I rocked her and rocked her. I cuddled her. I held her.

I enjoyed her tiny limbs wrapped around me.
I laid in my bed and kept her with me for a good hour or more.
It was a long, long night. She seemed to be feeling better in the morning, so I decided we would go to swim class, this morning. After feeding her, dressing her and packing her up, there was no time for me to eat breakfast so I decided, it would wait 'til later...

After swim class, I brought her home to give her a snack. Then I gave her a bath to wash off the chlorine. We played for a little bit before she needed a diaper change and another bottle.

She went down for a nap and I finally got to eat for the first time at 2:15 pm.

Mother. A hectic & wild job title. As much as you try and organize, there is no schedule that you can set in stone. Babies need things when they need them. The less you stress, the easier it comes. (Kudos to all you mothers of 3 or more. Someday, I may join you in your title of 'Ringleader'.) I was sitting there devouring my turkey sandwich, that I couldn't make quick enough. With my eyes half open, coffee brewing and my hair a mess, I thought, I love every bit of this craziness called Mommyhood. I'm so happy and blessed to have a healthy, little baby. I don't care that my hair isn't done today. I could care less that i am still in sweat pants and there are circles starting under my eyes. It honestly doesn't bother me in the least. Somedays, are just lounge days. We'll get dressed tomorrow. ;)

It turned out Scarlett was sick and we spent another sleepless night. In the last two nights I have had a total of 4 1/2 hours sleep. Even though I am battling closing eyelids,
I am immensely thankful for Scarlett...

I read about Mommy's who have lost their babies and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. I cannot imagine the sadness....To know that they would have one day become a little person like my Scarlett. It makes all the other "hassles" or hectic moments seem so minuscule. It makes me enjoy the hard times, too.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

One of my fiancé's dreams and passions in life is owning a farm. He is the type of person to wake up one morning and say, "I want to do this." and before long, he does just that, no matter how challenging the task may be. I admire him for that. I am a huge believer that you should go after your dreams and do whatever it is that you are passionate about in life, no matter how far fetched or crazy they seem.

Ty wants a farm. He spent many summers, as a kid, on his grandparent's farm in Vermont. He loved his time there and ever since has dreamt of pursuing that someday. That someday is getting closer. He has been looking into purchasing an up and running farm in the countryside. If we decide to buy it, he would be taking over the successful farm that the seller has established. We would still be moving around for awhile, until we settle down on the farm a year or two after purchasing it. We would hire people to take care of it for now.

I don't know how I feel about this. Yes, I was raised on a small farm. I want to emphasize small. We had a few animals. But I've acclimated myself to a different lifestyle now. And this is a whole other ball game. This is a legitimate farm with hundreds of acres and farm equipment galore. I am wondering how I would fit in on a farm...

Do I buy a pair of red rubber boots that I've had my eye on and make this farm look chic? I think that is a great idea! After all, the Fabulous Beekman boys did it. I can see myself stocking up on some cute riding pants and taking baby Scarlett for a horse ride. I can envision Ty coming home from riding his tractor and me greeting him with some home-made lemonade.

We don't know for sure what will happen yet, as these things take lots of time and planning. (If you have ever bought a house, you know how much is involved. A farm is triple that.) And we have a lot of other things on our plate that need to be taken care of first. You know ,the usual: a first Birthday for Scarlett, a wedding, a honeymoon, and perhaps a big move. But....my point to this post is that we all have dreams. But many of us don't pursue them because we think they are out of reach. No matter where you are or what is going on in your life, there is always a way. Take for instance, my fiancé. Ty is only 25 years old. He had an aspiration to become a fire fighter, he followed that and became one. He went through 5 years of schooling to become a licensed electrician. He is now tackling (and enjoying) a management position and still hasn't lost sight of his childhood dream....this farm I have a few dreams and passions that have gotten lost over the years. Ty has inspired me to go after them.

What's your dream? What would make you happy in life? Have you given up on it? I made a little inspiration board of things I want to accomplish. Make yourself a collage, mood board or even a written list of things that you want to go after. Post it on your fridge or mirror and remind yourself everyday to chase those dreams.

(Our Bucket List to follow....)

This inspirational song was written by my talented younger sister, Kalin Dayle. It fit perfectly for this blog....(Remember to turn off the music player at the bottom of the page.)

Monday, January 23, 2012

I don't understand why girls are so mean! I have been around long enough to go through a few ordeals and I can only ask, why must girls be so cruel? Does it make them feel better to make someone else sad or hurt? I hated school. I went to more schools than I can count on one hand. I was always the new girl and never really fit in anywhere. Girls were mean to me to the point where I was even in a few physical altercations. Thus, why I had no interest in attending college.

I just remember how nice I tried to be. I tried to make friends with everyone. All I wanted was a friend. Someone to be kind to me. But the majority of the girls in high school (excluding a few) were just plain ole' mean to me. Ironically, the guys were always nice. I became the kind of girl who stopped caring. I feel for all the girls out there who are treated unkind by "mean girls".

It doesn't stop at high school. I am 27 years old and, still, to this day, I see people my age or older, acting like high school girls. And worse, treating people poorly. There is no reason to be rude to people for no justified reason. I can only come to conclusion that maybe their actions are out of envy. They must be lacking something in their lives if they need to try to make someone else's a hardship. It isn't going to get you anywhere in life to hurt someone else. In fact, it will only bring you down in the end. And on top of that, it only shows how unhappy or insecure or bothered you really are.

I have found the most attractive and beautiful girls, are the ones who are genuinely nice and treat people with kindness. I surround my life with those kind of people.

(Just a few beautiful girls I know)

Please don't mistake kindness for weakness. Three years ago, if you were cruel to me, or the people that I loved, I would have put you in your place pretty quickly. I can remember numerous times that I did just that for (my then) best friend. Girls were mean to her for some reason. She wasn't the type to stick up for herself. It royally irked me. Watching them treat her badly was like living my experiences all over again. I would snap. I was the one in their face saying things that I am ashamed of now. Things that I won't even write now.

Three years ago, I would have told you where to go and how to get there, not giving it a thought. I did not have the same mentality that I do today. Maybe it's being a mother that has softened my soul. Or maybe it is that I am genuinely happy and I understand that others are not happy with themselves or lives. Therefore, they treat people poorly. Today, I see things so much clearer. I want to be the kind of person that I would want to be friends with. I want to be an example. I know a few girls that I would like to confront and say, "You know what, you are not as perfect as you think, and your actions make you ugly." But in saying that, I would do nothing more than fuel their behavior. I would be no better than them.

I want to be a kind, understanding person. I will turn the other cheek, so to speak. That is the way I want to be. I don't want people to think of me and say, "She was the one who always had something nasty to say." or "She is a negative person." I want to spread love and forgiveness. I forgive all those girls who were mean to me. I am nowhere near perfect. I have been guilty of doing or saying cruel things in my past, as well. But I am hopeful that I can keep becoming a better person.

You won't see me putting others down in a status.

You won't see me judging people.

You won't hear me talking badly about my friends.

We should all evaluate your actions. One sentence can bring so much pain to another. A few words that make you feel superior, can scathe someone else. Next time you have the urge to say something cruel or maybe just to state your opinion, think, 'Would I want someone to say this to or about my daughter or son?'

If the answer is no, then don't say anything at all. I have found, "the most profound statements are often said in silence". If there is anything in this world that I do not want to be, it's a mean girl...

Sunday, January 22, 2012

While I dialed the numbers, my intuition said no.
Too late, he answered and said "hello".
My words came out; he said okay.
He showed no hesitation. There was no delay.

'This isn't gonna solve it, I've done this before'
He got out of his car, I still felt unsure.
But still I ran to his arms, he held me near.
And inside, I shed just one tear.
He couldn't notice. He wouldn't see,
'Cause the tear I shed, was a memory of what I used to be.

My face rested on his shoulder, I could smell his cologne.
Tell me I'm good enough...good enough all alone.
Let me shine...I'm his tonight.
And no one else matters but me, alright?
I will make this endeavor so much fun,
If you could just pretend I am the only one.

The night was no where near it's end.
I would make more out of him than a friend.
He knew me, but he really didn't know a thing.
Lust is all I needed him to bring.
Making me feel more than I should.
Please don't judge me, Your feet were never where I stood.

His eyes met mine so sincerely.
I looked into them searching for what I needed so dearly.
A moment of exemption is what he must bestow.
As his lips touched mine, I let everything go.
I was the only star in his sky.
He didn't ask questions, he didn't wonder why,
Why I was not enough...He didn't understand.
Because to him, I alone, I was something grand.

Right feelings, very much the wrong soul.
His hands on my body, right then, I felt whole.
I didn't want the moment to ever end....
Because then I would know it was only pretend.
“If mine could give me what I feel right now,
Then I wouldn't be here somehow”

I laid there watching the sun peek over the trees.
I realized there is nothing inside me that he could appease.
I knew that everything I had just done was wrong.
And yet I needed it just to belong.
In my head played a melancholy song.
I....I was wrong.
With all that I said, I left so much unspoken.
He didn't break it, still my heart laid broken.

Source: Pinterest I asked myself "why does this have to be so tough?" He's gonna wonder why he's not good enough. Before I left, I took one last look at his handsome face, And I went back to what broke me in the first place. Back to my lover.. I went home. As I lay down next to him, I laid alone. Tears gathered in my eyes, the lump I tried to swallow. Suddenly I felt empty. I just felt so hollow.

What had I done? I was not naive. If I was unhappy, then why didn’t I leave? I did what I did to feel free, And yet it had such a hold over me. How can you love something so much and still betray it? How could I show love if I couldn’t even portray it?

With wet eyes, my love asked "why?". Neither one of us believed me.
'Oh God, he’s gonna leave me.' Closing the door, I hung my head in shame. I forgave him, he couldn’t do the same. Nothing could describe the feeling, just so incredibly sad. I now knew why good girls went bad.

Nothing left to say to someone who was no longer there. He couldn’t hear my apology, his heart in despair. The tables were turned. Empathy began to occur. He felt the same ache that tormented me, when he laid down with her.

To every story, there are two sides. On each path, there are two roads. You decide.

While I wrote the message and pushed send, I knew what was about to append. This isn’t gonna solve it, I’ve been here before. He got out of his car, here I was again, unsure. I thought of my lover at home; my mind raced.
'What am I about to waste?'

He held out his arms, I could taste the lust.
'I am about to throw out the trust.' Looking in his eyes, he knew I was about to deceive. He let down his arms, confused, as he watched me leave.... He yelled, "I don't understand!" And he waited for a reply. I called back, "He ...is the reason why."

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I like to be in control of all aspects of my life as much as possible.

I have a very organized calendar. My bills are NEVER, I repeat, never late.

My doctor appointments are always kept and on time.

I know exactly when and what is going on for the entire month.

Although my calendar seems packed full of events lately, it is still organized and things go as planned.

So here is where my struggle comes in...

I am so not-in-control of our future right now. I've stated it, before, in a couple of previous posts: I wish I knew where we would be in 6 months. I really wish I could plan for the future. It drives me batty to wonder! I cannot plan our wedding or Scarlett's first birthday, right now, with this job movement coming into play shortly.

With Ty's job, we just don't know 100% where or when we will be going until last minute. I know once we do make our move, things will become a little less chaotic... I hope. It looks like we will be able to settle down for awhile.

I realize this may seem like such a trivial struggle, especially in comparison to other people's problems. But in my heart, it takes it's toll in the way that another's struggle may haunt them. It kills me to not be able to mark in my calendar an exact date or, at least, an exact month. But under all this worry and concern, I have to remember this...

Source:Pinterest

And this is true to the core. Every wonderful change in my life has been an absolute chaotic muddle prior to the actual change. From meeting Ty, to Scarlett's arrival, to moving here in New York and now, this new move.

And I tell myself, it's all in God's hands. He knows what is best for us and I trust that it will all work out. It always does. Even if it be some crazy, hectic kind of way, it works. I really have to learn to let go of my control issues and let life happen. Just relax and enjoy the ride. And that is exactly what I am going to do. No more worrying and stressing. No more letting it devour valuable time that I could spend loving Ty or relishing in Baby Scarlett. Another lesson learned.