Right then - I'm off next week. If you want to know specific things like who this years hottest barmen are, whether hoodies or caps are in or the longest rats tail ever worn by a german tourist in Playa Blanca etc just ask!!!

Also the usual classics such as baby food, frozen pizza and the weather just ask!!

This one is too easy for Will.
Just stand on the main strip in PdC and wave the cash around. There are many who have the electronic shops there who can be trusted and will just run out to help you. Same as PB ange?

Football shirts let me see..... a sports shop? You didn't say if you wanted official or pirate gear so please do be clearer next time!! most self respecting Brits abroad will be bringing there own shirt with them - you may struggle to get a Millwall shirt abroad.

Re. cash - again you need to be more specific. Are you happy using back street money laundering "fronts" or are you looking for more ethical exchanges? Or is the money you are bringing over "hot" in the first place?
To get the best answer I need all the info you can give me please ange.

Boxed wine - again not my forte altho the Stowells boxes other here are sometimes worth it if they are on sale. Not actually seen boxed wine over in Lanza tho sure it must exist - I would stick to Vina Sol or a nice Alburino if pushing the boat out. You can't go wrong with the Campo Vieja range of reds.

English pub grub? I think you'll find you answered the question yourself!!!

N strange you say that - because last in year in Playa Blanca port they restaged Drake's fireship attack into Cadiz harbour - flaming windsurfers and banana boats pulled by spaniards dressed in english football shirts were steered towards the locals fishing boats. THere was then a re-enactment of the defeat of the spanish armada before a live spanish catholic was burnt alive just next to the Fred Olsen ferry pier. The crowds loved it. They are really getting the hang of this bonfire night thing over there.

Going to Lanzarote this year with my little girl. I am a single Mum and I have been saving my Benefit fiddles for over 12 months so we can have a holiday. I have just had a new catalogue delivered and want to get some "cool" duds as one of my credit cards has just increased my limit to £10,000. I was dead chuffed - it means I can get a video camera when I am there. I might as well spend up to my limit on the card because when I can't pay it off I can always phone one of thse companies I've seen on the tele that will right off my debts, give me more money AND I'll still have money left over for next years holiday.

So, please can you answer a couple of questions for me.

1)What is the weather going to be like this year?
2)Shall I need cardis or flip flops?
3)If I am needing cardis will I need to bring suntan lotion - 3a)or shall I buy it there?
4)Oh, do they sell sun tan lotion on Lanzarote?
5)Will I need to put suntan lotion on my little girl if it is cold?
6)If it is windy I won't need to use it will I?
7)She will be in the swimmimg pool all day anyway so she won't need it, will she?
8)By the way, she is 11 months old so the water will be warm enough for her to swim in the pool, won't it?
9)Will my hotel have a heated swimming pool- not sure where I am staying though.
10)Can she swim in the all-together as I don't want to waste nappies?
11)If I bring 3 packs of nappies with me will that be enough? 11a) Or do they sell nappies there?
12) Do they have water in Lanzarote or shall I bring that as well.

Thanks for your help .........I can't wait to go now.....I've heard there are real British pubs with British tele (can you REALLY get Eastenders?), and Mac D's so we won't go hungry.

I have never been to Lanzarote before, but we have booked two weeks self catering at the Shit hole apartments in PDC.
Can anyone tell me if they are any good ? - the travel agent said they are really nice, and they wouldn't lie would they ? Apparently they are only 8km from the beach (which I think is about 300 yards)

Also is cardiac hill steep ? Can I walk up it, or will I need to get a taxi to take me to the top.

Can anyone recommend anything to do ?

Do they have Tetley's Bitter on draught ?

Do they sell Heinz Baked Beans in the supermarkets (assuming they have supermarkets on the island)

1)What is the weather going to be like this year?
Same as last year maybe, but there again, maybe not.
2)Shall I need cardis or flip flops?
Bit uncomfortable wearing flip flops on the shoulders
3)If I am needing cardis will I need to bring suntan lotion
Large cardi to cover the body
4)Oh, do they sell sun tan lotion on Lanzarote?
Ask in the electronic shops
5)Will I need to put suntan lotion on my little girl if it is cold?
Not indoors
6)If it is windy I won't need to use it will I?
Take Milk of Magnesia or any other known brand
7)She will be in the swimmimg pool all day anyway so she won't need it, will she?
Nah, she will just shrivel up.
8)By the way, she is 11 months old so the water will be warm enough for her to swim in the pool, won't it?
Why not, doesn't she have enough blubber around her belly yet?
9)Will my hotel have a heated swimming pool- not sure where I am staying though.
Probably so, the drinkers will have thrown the BBQ in
10)Can she swim in the all-together as I don't want to waste nappies?
All others do, so why not?
11)If I bring 3 packs of nappies with me will that be enough?
Just don't feed her in any iffy Indian restaurants.
11a) Or do they sell nappies there?
No, they do not, they give them away free at Netto. Just go in any branch, pick up a pack and walk out. Remember to smile to the girl on check-out.
12) Do they have water in Lanzarote or shall I bring that as well.

My mate, Blodwyn, has just phoned me as she is really miffed that the shops in Lanzarote aren't selling daffodils today. She says it has really spoiled her holiday as she was expecting to celebrate St Davids Day big style.

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