External Validation – Why You People Please

working alone v wanting a pat on the back v knowing that they shouldn’t need a pat on the back

What Other People Think

There are so many things that are weaving together and are all pointing to what will people think of me?

You might be keeping yourself safe and not showing up because you are afraid that people will judge you or be mean to you or pick fault with you. You feel vulnerable – particularly on line because you feel like there’s little control over who is seeing your stuff and you aren’t always getting to find out how they react to it and whether or not they are talking about you behind your back.

Just to ease that one straight out of the blocks – here’s one of my favourite quotes…

“Remember if people talk behind your back, it only means you are two steps ahead.” Fanny Flag

How do we deal with this?

Another quote is ready and raring to go for this one…

Another favourite ????

The first step to getting over it is knowing that you WILL NOT be for everyone.

Most people aren’t mean.

Most people are too busy to even cast judgement.

We are much more critical of ourselves than anyone else ever is of us.

If you do encounter mean people then take a look at this article >>click here<< but let me assure you that these people are few and far between. You will also bolster your mindset as you grow your business to know;

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind – Dr. Seuss

I Want To Know I’m Doing A Good Job

External Validation is a thing. It’s a thing that we are brought up to seek. When we are little we are judged by the views of others and massive weight and pressure is given to school reports, we are reminded “what would so and so think about you behaving like that” and the views of others are given legs and arms and turned into a thing.

No wonder we bring it into our adult lives.

When we have a proper job we can have a level of external validation by hitting targets or doing well in an appraisal but once we are self employed it can bite us on the butt. The default position could be to become a people pleaser and to blend in. It can feel like we risk massive judgement by being ourselves and even considering standing out. Being anything but yourself in business is quite frankly exhausting. People buy from people and it’s important that an element of your personality is brought through into your business. You don’t have to share wart and all unless of course you want to. BUT, you need to be you.

It might make you feel uncomfortable and a little sick at first but I promise that this will ease. We are all programmed to need a little external validation and often we receive so much more when we step outside of our comfort zone and truly connect with people because that’s the time when we get feedback, we get people replying to our emails and telling us that we’ve made a difference to them.

Truly caring about your clients and adding your personality into what you do isn’t a weakness, it’s a sign of strength and I bet you get stacks more feedback, pats on the back and testimonials then you will ever do by playing it safe and blending in. Be brave, step up, show up and know that you are good enough – you’ll reap the rewards in the long run.

Ask your customers for feedback, start the conversation – once you start to bring together feedback from happy clients that will bolster your confidence massively and you have always got them to look back over on those wobbly days where everything seems a little harder!

I Just Want People To Like Me

Aaaahhhh, the people pleasing. Yup, none of us want to offend people and it’s nicer to be liked than not liked but both of the above are linked in here.

You are worried about what people think because you don’t want to be liked – are you playing small because of this? Are you limiting yourself for fear of being judged? It’s time to step beyond that and it’s time to embrace your awesomeness and bring it forth in your business.

You want some feedback to prove that you’re doing ok! So ask for the feedback and your more likely to get feedback when you are a little braver, when you put yourself out there. When you stand for nothing then you will appeal to no-one ????

Step beyond it and know that the right people will love you and that thing that you do and the rest simply don’t matter.

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About The Author

Emma Holmes, CEO & founder of Rebels & Rock Stars – best described as a ‘hatchery’ for entrepreneurs with soul!! Emma helps you to uncover your passion and purpose, weed through the stuff that keeps you stuck and holds you back (including yourself) and helps you to provide an action plan to make magical things happen. Emma helps heart-centred and soulful entrepreneurs to build big businesses without the icky, pushy tactics that make them truly uncomfortable.

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