Friday, February 18, 2011

12:15 am. Sound asleep (or as sound as a mom is able) in my bed. I awake to the grumbling growl of Miss Daisy. Followed by ferocious barks and scratching at the door. Daisy is an unusually quiet dog as far as barking goes. She was probably 3 years old before we even knew she could, in fact, bark. So, needless to say, i shot straight up out of bed while Tom lay, still peacefully in dreamland. He is harder to wake than the dead. I am not kidding. I decide that i will brave it by myself and go see what is causing all the commotion. So i tip-toe down the hall and into the living room where Daisy is getting ready to break through the french doors to get outside. I turn on the light and scan the backyard. Nothing. I tell Daisy she is crazy and get back into bed. A minute later the grumbling starts again. This time i decide Tom needs to investigate. So i push him out of bed and follow him into the living room. Again we see nothing. So Tom opens the door and Daisy tears out to the back fence which nearly meets its end as she plants both front feet on it running full speed. And then it is clear. Trying it's best to balance on a now very wobbly privacy fence and stay clear of the mad dog below is Mr. Opossum. Yuck. I was praying that the thing had good balance because if it actually fell and Daisy got a hold of it i am afraid we would have had to let her have it. Those things are not the cutest of creatures from across a yard and i definitely don't want an up close view. With the mystery solved i headed back to bed and listened as Tom tried to convince Miss Daisy to come back inside for the next 5 minutes.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Yesterday was my birthday. I woke up yesterday morning just like every other morning...hungry for my bowl of Special K Chocolaty Delight Cereal. When i got to the kitchen i saw that Tom had already fixed the kids bowls of my chocolaty delicious cereal and they were sitting enjoying their breakfast. I reached for the box to pour myself a bowl and it was empty. EMPTY. On my BIRTHDAY. So, i began to think of what else i could possibly eat and came up with my all time favorite...chocolate pop-tarts. There is nothing quite like a toasted chocolate pop-tart and cold glass of milk. The only problem is, we don't buy pop-tarts. So i went to the one place i know keeps a supply...my parents house. Just so happens, they live across the street so i ventured out in the freezing cold in search of my beloved pop-tart. Now in the time it took me to think of pop-tarts and get across the street my mind was set. NOTHING else was going to do. I walk in and ask my dad if he has any pop-tarts and he says YES! I ask if he has any chocolate pop-tarts and sadly he crushed all my hopes and dreams. He only had brown sugar cinnamon and cherry. FOUR big boxes of brown sugar cinnamon and one small of cherry. How could this be happening to me on my birthday??? I decided that if i was going to get anything at all i was just going to have to settle for brown sugar cinnamon and reached in the box. I went over to the toaster opened my brown sugar cinnamon pop tart to toast it and that's when it happened. My birthday miracle. I pulled out of the package a CHOCOLATE pop-tart!! My very own birthday miracle!! They were the best chocolate pop-tarts i have ever eaten. Probably because they were miracle pop-tarts.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Today is a very big day in the Coogle house. Any minute now, Mr. FedEx man will ring my doorbell and deliver a shiny new cell phone for my Tom. This is a day that has been anticipated for months. Now, here in the Coogle house, we do things a bit differently. We don't just go to the store, play around with a phone or two, buy one and leave. No no. We (and by "we" i mean "he") research and read and research and read until "we" are sure "we" know all there is to know about all possible candidates for the next Coogle cell phone. It is a huge decision after all. You have to spend a whole year of your life with your choice. A year you say? Yes. A year. 2-year contracts are unacceptable in the Coogle house. That is much too much time to devote to one phone when, undoubtedly, next month something even cooler than starting your car from miles away or setting your DVR to record a show while you are sitting in church will be released. (Does anyone else find this just a tad over the top???) But that is what is happening so maybe i should just embrace it. Here goes...I would like all you makers of cell phones to make me a phone that will cook my dinner while i sit and sip lemonade in the hammock out back. please and thank you. When this happens, i will join "he" in researching and reading to find just the right one. Until then, i will be happy to be the designated "sit at home and wait for Mr. FedEx" person. I have the feeling the next few days will be somewhat lonely for me as my Tom has his bonding period with the new delivery so i am off now to find a new book to read to help pass the time.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

You know how "they" say...babies don't come with a handbook?? Well, 6 1/2 years in to my parenting adventure i have decided that is a terrible injustice to parents everywhere. I realize that there is no way to make a handbook on every little thing you will deal with. However, i think there are a few things that should be shared with you before you ever leave the hospital with that brand new squishy bundle of joy. We experienced one such thing last night. Now this was not out first encounter with this horror they call croup, but it never really gets less scary. And according to all the websites and all the doctors it really isn't that big of a deal. One of those things that sounds and looks a lot worse than it actually is. And is fairly common in young children. For those of you who don't know what this "croup" stuff is, let me just share with you the good time that it is....

Your kid is just fine all day. Running. Playing. Laughing. You go through the same 400 stall tactics at bed time and finally all is quiet. You sit on the couch watching all your favorite tv shows before going to bed later than you probably should. But, you think, "the kids all sleep through the night now, it will be fine to stay up a little later tonight" So you finally get in bed and settle in to that just before sound sleep just after consciousness state and all of the sudden you hear it. A seal. Coming from your kids room. And from the sounds of it, this seal is very agitated. You jump up and run in the room where you find your child sitting up and terrified because they "can't breathe". And truly it does not sound like they can. Every breath in and out sounds like a harsh, raspy, whooping, gasping sound. Then they cough and it sounds just like a barking seal which is all fine and good coming from a seal but extremely disturbing coming from your child who seems to be struggling for each breath.

Let me pause here for a moment to take a poll. How many of you might find it useful to have just a little understanding of why your kid sounds like a seal has jumped down his throat in the midst of the episode? If you are like me, which i acknowledge the fact that i am quite....well lets just say "overly cautious"..., running to the computer to "google it" is not the first thing that comes to mind. My first thoughts are "get me an ambulance NOW my baby can't breathe!!!!!" Luckily, God saw fit to give me a more level-headed partner for this journey of parenthood and i don't actually call for an ambulance every single time we have what I would call a "medical emergency"!! (In my defense, i just want to get to a place where there are people who are actually trained to know how to fix whatever the problem is because i know that i have no idea)

Back to the story. We left off in our kids room wondering if and why they can't breathe. And something about a seal. So friends, if you have indeed heard of croup and the symptoms you know that it is okay to stay calm. You know that the appropriate action is to take your child straight to the bathroom and run the shower as hot as you can with the door shut so they can breathe in the steam while you try and calm them down as the crying is just making the symptoms worse. (pretty sure i just broke some kind of run-on sentence rule with that one) After several minutes in the steamy bathroom, breathing seems possible again for both your child and yourself. You may even take this opportunity to google 'croup' to refresh yourself on the facts. Now it is time for everyone to get back to bed. To one bed. Because you (and by "you" i mean "I") can't sleep in a separate room that is wayyyy (directly) across the hall. What if he needs me? So mom, dad, and squiggly wiggly little man get back in mom and dads bed for a night of something somewhat short of sleep. And then it is morning. All things seem better in the morning when your pediatricians office is open!

So fellow parents and parents to be. Since kids do in fact come with no handbook, i would highly recommend putting croup on your list of things to "google" before you actually encounter it. While i am sure my accounts of our encounter have been extremely insightful, i feel it necessary to clarify that i am no doctor. askdrsears.com is one of my favorite websites for info on illnesses and medicines. Check it out...might save yourself a trip to the ER in the middle of the night!

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.