Book notes: The Game by Neil Strauss

Synopsis: “Hidden somewhere, in nearly every major city in the world, is an underground seduction lair. And in these lairs, men trade the most devastatingly effective techniques ever invented to charm women. This is not fiction. These men really exist. They live together in houses known as Projects. And Neil Strauss, the best-selling author, spent two years living among them, using the pseudonym Style to protect his real-life identity.

The result is one of the most explosive and controversial books of the year — guaranteed to change the lives of men and transform the way women understand the opposite sex forever.

The Game is the story of one man’s transformation from frog to prince to prisoner in the most unforgettable book of the year.” -Audible

Opening thoughts:

I remember seeing this book in the same section of the Barnes and Noble I went to when I bought my first “personal development” book, Mystery Method. That book definitely shaped the way I thought about social dynamics and attraction over the next several years. Recently I stumbled upon this book again in a recommended reads, probably because I was looking at other influence and rapport building books. I read the synopsis and after going through the intro, realized that this guy actually learned from the guy who wrote Mystery Method! It’s crazy as I’m going through the first few minutes of the book that this is a new perspective on the principles and tactics I had read about years ago. Needless to say, I’m pretty excited to get through this book.

Key notes:

Mystery was a legend in the pick up community. After years of giving out really detailed and free content, he decided to host paid workshops

Mystery put the puzzle together and figured out social dynamics

He only alienates the girl he wants to sleep with. The number one characteristic of the alpha male is the smile

The characteristics of an alpha male are:

Confidence

Smile

Being well groomed

Possessing a sense of humor

Connecting with people

Being seen as the social center of the room

People think if you look average and generic, you can seduce a wide range of women. Not true, you have to specialize

If you look average, you’re going to get average girls. You need to be bigger than life and over-the-top

Peacock theory: The idea that in order to attract the most desirable female of the species, it’s necessary to stand out in a flashy and colorful way

For humans, the equivalent of the fanned peacock tail is a shiny shirt, a garish hat, and jewelry that lights up in the dark

And opener is a prepared script used to start a conversation with a group of strangers. It’s the first thing anyone who wants to meet women must be armed with

Never approach a woman from behind, always from the front but at a slight angle so it’s not too direct and confrontational

You should speak to her over your shoulder so it looks like you might walk away at any minute

Look for IOIs, indicators of interest: asking your name, asking if you’re single, or squeezing your hand back. As soon as you get three IOIs, phase shift

At that point, ask her if she wants to kiss you

If she says yes, which is very rare, kiss her

If she says maybe or hesitates, say let’s find out and kiss her

If she says no, tell her I didn’t say you could

The secret to meeting women is knowing what to say and how and when to say it

One’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior, as well as the thoughts feelings and behavior of others can be manipulated through words, suggestions, and physical gestures designed to influence the subconscious

Women are much more perceptive than men, they can instantly spot in sincerity and bullshit

A great pick up artist must either be congruent with his material or a great actor

Anyone talking to a woman while also simultaneously morning about what she thinks of him is going to fail.Anyone caught thinking about getting into a woman’s pants before she starts thinking about what’s in his pants is going to fail

This was working on yourself and improving yourself to the point where women are magnetically attracted to you and want to be around you

He made pick up artist history within 30 minutes of a Miami club by picking up two platinum blondes

Religion is pick up, politics is pick up, life is pick up

Every day we have our routines which we rely on for people to like us or to get what we want to make someone laugh or do you endure another day without anyone know what nasty thoughts we really thinking about them

Tom Cruise was born to sell things. He always made decisions for himself

Project Hollywood and their new pad. They all had their own identity, a magician, a writer, a gambler, and a businessman

Eventually, his material was flooding on everywhere and people are copying style all across Southern California

It is a shit test. If he is uncomfortable or took the bait, he’ll fail

Train her gaze(?): when you look slowly from her left eye to her right eye to her lips in a triangle to create suggestive sexual tension

Peoples surface appearance never accurately captures the inner calm or storm for every woman’s sexual tastes and preferences

The art of seduction by Robert Greene, classic pick up artist reading material

He uses techniques while interviewing Britney Spears and got her personal phone number

He realized the game works better on celebrities then ordinary people because stars so sheltered and their interactions limited

A demonstration of value or the right neg holds 10x the power

Rapport equals trust plus comfort

Capture the imagination first, and the heart next

Interest + attraction + seduction = sex

Despite supposed skill, mating is largely a game of chance

Women are at different places in their life when we meet them, they may be looking for a boyfriend, a one night stand, a husband, or a revenge fuck

Or they may be looking for nothing at all because they are in a happy relationship or recovering from an emotionally destructive one

Using words like “casual” and “hang out” along with a time constraint is all a part of a strategy to make the visit a low pressure event

It’s much better way to get someone to commit to time with a stranger than dinner dating, which can be a painful, drawn out affair

There must be an exchange of rocks and gold, women want rocks and men want gold, or rather quality time and gifts versus sex

Mystery knew how to pick up women but not to maintain a relationship

Courtney love moved into their house

How to take a complement: just say thank you. It’s the only response a confident person can make

Mystery received so many TV show offers but turned them all down. He’s actually scared of the success he really wants so badly

What they figured out was a few simple cause-and-effect relationships

If you lower a woman self-esteem, she will seek validation from you

If you make a woman jealous, she will become more attracted to you

Once you get good and start sleeping with all these women who have boyfriends, and you stop trusting women

A side effect of pickup is that it can lower your opinion of the opposite sex. You see too much betrayal, lying, and infidelity

If a woman is married three years or more, you find that she is easier to sleep with than a single woman

If she has a boyfriend, you have a better chance of sleeping with her the same night then getting a return call afterwards

By calling yourself a pick up artist, it labels you as one who fears women

This title is solely defined by the responses of women, where are your entire identity and self esteem is defined by the attention of the opposite sex

As a self-esteem defense mechanism, pick up artists tend to develop misogynistic tendencies in the process of learning

This could be hazardous to the soul

Simply finding out that you have a passion for something another person also likes and respects is enough to fire that strange emotion like to call chemistry

Scientists studying pheromones claim that when two people discover they have things in common, pheromones are released and attraction begins

He couldn’t seduce or sleep with Lisa, but they spend time together and he was infinitely fascinated by her

A pick up artist must be willing to change or abandon any plans when confronted with the chaos and chance of reality

He had the sexiest threesome he’s ever had in his life with two Jessica’s

One of the problems with the pick up community is that it presented in flexible standards of behavior that men were supposed to follow in order to win a woman

Chief among them was the idea being an alpha male

Style gave mystery some tough love and both of them starting to break down in tears

Perhaps it was really shared emotion and experience that create relationships, not seven hours of routines followed by two hours of sex

Sometimes through simply the act of having sex with a man, especially if the man is a little more emotionally distant then she’d like him to be, a woman can develop feelings and start wanting more

Ultimatums are simply expressions of powerlessness, empty threats designed to try to influence the situation someone has no control over

The secret to making someone think they’re in love with you is to occupy their thoughts, which is what Lisa did to him:

Blown him off and rebuffed him physically while stringing him along and with just enough encouragement to keep chasing her

There was a downside to casual sex, sometimes it’s stopped being casual and people develop a desire for something more

When one person’s expectations didn’t match another’s, then whoever had the highest expectations suffered

There’s no such thing as cheap sex, it always comes with a price

He felt that his body responded to lack of emotional foreplay, and with other women in the past, which was not the case with Lisa

After a while, pick up feels like filling a bucket with a hole in it

One night stands and fuck buddies are a false intimacy and are unsatisfying

In a real relationship, sex means more and you just want to hang out all the time and talk about life

Mystery moved out and was back to his old self. Style couldn’t follow him again this time, but mystery said they will always be friends

Most of the guys in the house hated his guts for no reason, and he found out he didn’t do anything wrong

Tyler Durden and Papa were playing mind games to push Style out and make him feel unwanted

They felt threatened by his presence and insecure about themselves

Lisa liked everything about him before he became involved in the community

In reality, he wouldn’t have had the confidence or skills to handle a girl like Lisa without going through all that training and mentorship

Out of all the girls he’s ever met and picked up, he told Lisa that he chose her

Though it’s not entirely true because the man never choose the woman. All he can do is give her an opportunity to choose him

We were all searching outside ourselves for our missing pieces, but we are looking in the wrong direction

He discovered that to win the game was to leave it

Steps to a pickup:

STEP 1: SELECT A TARGET

STEP 2: APPROACH AND OPEN

STEP 3: DEMONSTRATE VALUE

STEP 4: DISARM THE OBSTACLES

STEP 5: ISOLATE THE TARGET

STEP 6: CREATE AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION

STEP 7: EXTRACT TO A SEDUCTION LOCATION

STEP 8: PUMP BUYING TEMPERATURE

STEP 9: MAKE A PHYSICAL CONNECTION

STEP 10: BLAST LAST-MINUTE RESISTANCE

STEP 11: MANAGE EXPECTATIONS

Closing thoughts:

Fantastic book, so glad I rediscovered it and picked it up. Story felt light straight out of a hollywood movie with all the sex, scandal, betrayal, and fight for power you can ever ask for. It’s kind of unbelievable all of the stuff he went through and the journey it was for those two years. I think this book definitely merits being turned into a movie if it hasn’t already been done. I do think that the Style and Mystery characters have been channeled or modeled in those movie characters with so much charm and charisma, like the Ryan Goslings or Brad Pitts, where these guys seem to get all the girls.

While the art of pickup and seduction is very intriguing and enticing to learn, from a higher moral perspective it is nothing less than a dark art or black magic. At an earlier time in my life, I probably would have dove into this world and knowledge and try and master these skills for my own personal gain. Where I’m at now, however, my moral compass points me in the other direction, hands down. The problem is that the short term results can probably very gratifying, but this type of lifestyle sacrifices the long-term for the short-term. Similar to how Mystery was a legend picking up women, he was terrible at maintaining relationships. Not only that, but casual sex, as we learn near the end of the book through Style’s journey, is not at fulfilling as a deep relationship with someone. It’s obvious to see that while the life of a pickup artist might seem amazing and flashy, its obvious by the end that none of those guys were living happy and fulfilling lives. The smart ones got out and realized that it wasn’t the way to live.

While it was an amazing adventure of a book, I’m glad it ended the way it did. It really reminds the reader that while it might all sound exciting, he knows first hand that it’s not a life that’s worth it.

Nutshell: The author Neil Strauss chronicles the stories and lessons learned during his two years within the secret society of the most notorious pickup artists.

7 thoughts on “Book notes: The Game by Neil Strauss”

I read this book back in 2007 and it has tranformed my life not just in dating world but in every world. I have become an alpha male because of this book. If not maybe I would have been god knows what.

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