August 21, 2006

You’ve jumped the fucking shark. Back in the first season, I was the only person I knew who actually watched and enjoyed you. By Season Two, the whole world was enthralled with you.

Now, I’m fucking done with you. Nothing interesting ever fucking happens. Not nearly enough hot chicks are featured. The storylines are tiresome and meandering. There hasn’t been one good episode all year. Maybe the Vegas episode was mildly entertaining, but 1-for-11 will only get you a bus ticket back to the minor leagues.

Everything is plodding, predictable and boring, definitely not something I’d be interested in.

Go fuck yourself, Entourage. You and fucking Lucky Louie and that stupid fucking midgets in the circus series. You’re all bullshit.

I fight tooth and nail to survive between Sundays and you deliver this shit? For such a big movie star, young Vince has only had two ho-hum hook-ups in the entire fucking season. The horse-faced waitress at the silent auction and some engaged star-fucker who didn’t even show her cans. Don’t waste my fucking time. Do you hear me?

Maybe I’m alone on this, but I fucking couldn’t care less about Turtle’s aspiring music-management career. The way that storyline concluded, it’s pretty obvious the writers felt the same way. Ditto Drama’s flailing acting career. Ditto Ari’s new agency and Eric’s inability to close the deal in the threesome episode.

It’s all a whole lot of noise signifying nothing.

Creator Doug Ellin and Executive Producer Marky Mark should be ashamed of themselves for taking what promised to be another fantastic, long-running HBO franchise and fucking it up beyond recognition.

Did you really waste the bulk of TWO valuable fucking episodes introducing the ex-con buddy Dominick and then, at the apex of his character arch, send him packing after he stole a fucking Shrek doll? How fucking lame is that?

And what about the wasted potential of the Eric-Sloane-Tori troika? Things were looking up when they did the threesome (with rules) and got even more interesting when Eric fessed up that he was all worked up over Tori. Then what? Then Tori leaves, Sloane disappears from subsequent episodes and Eric does what? Nothing.

That sums up the whole fucking season. Lots of this-and-that but nothing that makes you give a shit about any of the characters.

Where’s Shauna, the irascible publicist who stole scene after scene in seasons past? I know Debi Mazer was obviously pregnant in the one or two of the episodes she appeared in early this season. But couldn’t she have been worked into the mix at some point, by phone or whatever? Like maybe after the brawl in Vegas or during the tumult with the studio guy who fucked Vince out of doing the Pablo Escobar flick.

Watching Ari fuck with Lloyd was funny the first 16 or 17 times. Now, it’s just fucking noise. And why is Mrs. Clark Griswold on this show, anyway?

Where are the big-name celebrity walk-ons this season? And, no, Seth Green doesn’t count. That fucking guy was on way too much. He’s not even believable as a celebrity walk-on because nobody even considers him a real celebrity.