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Richard Dawkins to be new Archbishop of Canterbury

The general synod of the Church of England is expected to approve Richard Dawkins as the new head of the Church of England. A spokesman explained; ‘Whereas most of the candidates prevaricated over the question of the existence of God, Richard was quite clear. His knowledge of the Bible is second to none and he isn’t a woman, so he seems ideal.’

Lambeth Palace has so far denied that Archbishop Rowan Williams sudden and unexpected retirement was because he wished to enter a gay civil partnership with Cardinal Keith O’Brien.