Where Everybody Knows Your (Brand) Name

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It’s easy to imagine what Diane Chambers – the eternal optimist, the feminine lace-and-puff-sleeve-loving, purple-and-pink-wearing aspiring poetess, the highfalutin Shakespeare-reading romantic – might wear on Valentine’s day (if she could ever get her unrequited love Sam Malone to commit).

Diane tends towards the delicate, the pastel, the classic black and white – anything to draw Sam’s attention away from the common hussy at the bar and towards her more refined (read: stuffy), hard-to-get (read: frigid), subtle (read: prudish) ways.

On the other hand, there’s Carla Tortelli – the eternal pessimist, the diehard Boston Red Sox fan, the aggressive and foul-mouthed single mother of four (or five or six…I know she ends up with eight but to which season each pregnancy belongs is a bit hazy), the Nike-wearing tomboy. What might she have worn on Valentine’s day if any of the three fathers of her raggamuffin brood showed up with flowers in hand?

Find Carla a Valentine’s Day-themed sneaker, sweatshirt, hair clip, diaper bag, or a heart-shaped ring that could leave a dent in a rude customer’s face, and she might just be willing to play along.