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One, I didn’t even know I was close to this number. Not something I notice or track. Secondly, it came on a day that I wrote for Friday Fictioneers and received such wonderful feedback on the story I wrote. It helps stoke the writing fire. I do not want fame or fortune from this blog or from my writing. I just want to write. I want my family and friends to enjoy it. But I want to be better at it. I want to feel more confident in what I am creating. This helped so much.

Thank you to those who have chartered this journey with me. Those who are reading my, sometimes insane word vomit, and then checking in when I finally write something.

I have met so many wonderful people through this blog and I am grateful beyond words.

I want to figure out a way to get my picture on my blog home page. WordPress and I will do 50 rounds until I get it just the way I like it. But I still feel like I am not accurately representing myself in my current photo.

The one I see on the top right.

I am not totally sure if ANYONE can see it. But I can see it, and it urks me. I am at least 20lbs lighter and have long hair. The picture is a good three years old. Feels fraudulent.

I like to know what people look like, and I assume others do as well. I think of it as a conversation, I am talking you are talking, we should know what we look like.

So. Without further ado, my most recent shot taken on Sunday. I had blow dried my hair and actually applied some make up. What!!!!!!

A picture had to be taken to monument the occasion.

The funny thing about this, I feel the same way about Facebook, so I posted it there.

Someone mentioned what a great glow I had.

Well…

I did that face glow thing you can do when you edit your pictures. Not so I look angelic, but because my right eye (left eye in pic) looked green underneath. Like I was recovering from my first night at Fight Club. Sorry no one is supposed to talk about Fight Club. Forget I mentioned it.

The fix worked, so voila!

But then someone pointed out I was glowing, and it was called “Face Glow.”

This is the original picture.

A little shinier, and that weird green under eye thing. I hope I am not a total fraud.

After typing all of this though, I realize I am probably vain and neurotic. Ugh. I hate self realizations.

(I also know this because I took like 20 selfies to get the best one. I CAN’T be the only one that does this.)

Truth in blogging THIS is what I look like day in and day out since I stopped working.

First off, the Hubs is so supportive. I mean like crazy supportive. I feel like we are diving into the unknown, and he is all, “It’s all good love.” While that is WONDERFUL, that isn’t how I am built. This is probably why we work so well together. Ying and Yang and all that mess. He is chill, I am the picture above.

That is really it. I am freaking out in my mind right now. I am half excited as hell, half scared to death. But I told my mom on the phone today, as she was asking if I saved enough for my taxes, I think this is the right thing to do. This feels right.

I don’t know if this will work out how we planned, a summer with the boys, a surgery, then back to school. But, I don’t think it is a bad thing.

The bad part. I have horrible short timer’s disease at work.

I’ve gots to go!!!!

Not the kind you would think though.

Ever been in a groove at work for so long, once you are popped out of the norm, everything is a hot damned mess? Forgetting things you never used to forget, just all shook up in the brain area. I don’t mind working, or helping my co-workers with this transition. I am just at this particular time, mind fucked. So many things to think about, worries, concerns, anticipation, etc.

I have never made a change like this in my life, (Willingly).

This is uncharted territory my friends.

I do hope that you guys will stick with me during all this. Because if you haven’t noticed, I am a bit neurotic. What, me? Yes. A Hella lot.

But I also know you only live once. NO YOLO. Just, you only live once. And I am banking on that while I navigate this craziness.

Now that I have typed the title, I can’t get the John Secada song out of my head. For two days it was a Whitney Houston song. I just wanna dance with somebody. She played a large part in my morose mood this weekend.

No, I am not one of those people who gets sad over celebrity death. I’m just not. I don’t know them, they don’t know me. Is it sad someone died? Of course. But I am not one to get weepy over a strangers death. Especially when it was more than likely the most extreme side effect of drugs. I know it is a disease, I am not saying she deserved it. No one deserves death. But my father is supposedly on his death bed for his many moons over a needle or a powder of some sort so I tend to get a bit touchy about it. And when I heard my first reaction was anger.

I would be lying if I didn’t announce Saturday night to my husband that I heard she passed, then said, “What a waste.” and then, “She was a mother.” Smh as my younger counterparts like to type.

But it was clearly her time and she went. We all will. Some for worse reasons, some not.

I have had an extremely hard time dealing with my hip and frankly it has made me feel more than Blue the last few days. But, I looked around today and prayed with my boys a bit harder than usual, thanking God for my many blessings. Because I know I am blessed with a wonderful husband and the best kids in the world.

Do I need a vacation?

Yessir I do. But all in good time my faithful follower, all in good time.

Until then, it is Just another day. And even though I am hurting, I have the soft cushiony love of my peeps to break my fall. And that makes me the luckiest girl in the world.

See what I did there? The pea is my gnarly hip.

Yeah I did the knowing exaggerated wink when I updated the picture. To my iPad. I am a dork like that.

Anyone out there? I can’t imagine so. And nor do I blame you nameless faceless non- audience! I have filled the word press site with my stench of neglect for way too long.

Have I had a surgery? Yes. Is that an excuse? Nooooo. It most certainly isn’t. I also had the worst brain fart when it came to my password, and I couldn’t even remember the email address for it. Who does that? I happen to start this blog when I got an electronic bug up my ass to change my email. No one changes emails!

Needless to say you will be hearing more from me asap. I have a lot on the horizon and I am literally bursting at the seams to get all of this literary love and social commentary goo out of mah brain and into your willing eyes and psyche’s. Or is it psyches. Either way.

Bitch is back.

All love and smushy kisses,

Woman on pause.

P.S. It says hello again because it almost failed the original draft of this post. I see you Internet demon trying to stop me from posting after so long. I have my eye on you……

My home computer, when I try to log on, goes to the “User-name”/Password home screen as if I haven’t logged in. No place for me to post, edit, etc. I tried putting the password in wrong, the “Hey Dumbass, you screwed up” screen came up and I put in the correct one. And then I was back to the home screen as if I hadn’t logged in.

So. I am not sure if it is user error <——– Probably.

Or, if it is my computer at home.

IV – If it is WordPress

Cinco – If small gremlins have hacked my computer and are using my blog to transmit signals to their mother planet to give the signal to send the waiting, “Troopers of Ignorance and Rudeness” to our planet to further disrupt and aggravate my life.

I think it could go either way.

So, until said problem has been resolved I am afraid I can’t get my type on for just a bit. But hang in there. I swear on my pinky found heads up inside my rabbits ear that I will be back.

I even wrote something. I KNOW RIGHT? It is chillin in draft ready for me to buff it to a nice shine.

So, peace be with you and as my step son says when he finishes his vlogs.