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I hate me.

I hate how I am. I go into prey mode when distressed and DON'T PLAN A F****** THING. Why why why, So embarrassing. I'm too dumb to work where I do. Everyone is smarter than me. I need a job with defined objectives. otherwise, I'm just a f****** idiot. I need to look at things from the ground up. I need to get better. Every hurt is a lesson. i hate everything. I want to just quit and play video games all day. I don't want to be me. I want to be some hobo who never worries about his job. Why can't I be a dog? I dig these holes, and then have to dig myself back out. Ughhhfdjhcbgsrdf. I want to die. Not really. But I want to not exist.