Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I participated in a DOD teleconference this morning with Commodore Frank Pondsof USS Kearsarge......who I addressed as Commander.....I'm a jackass.

Instead I am eating M&Ms and having a panic attack.

Tomorrow I start back up on Revlimid. My week off ends today. I have felt great and told anyone who would listen. People ask how I am and I say "Great! It's my drug free week!" Which is only partly true. I am still taking Trazodone and Dex, and I still have side effects, but I do feel so great. It's all about perspective. August, completely drug free and sitting in the sun in Las Vegas or Grace's place in New Hampshire or the beach down the street from my house, was fabulous. The first three weeks in October were horrid with three drugs and their side effects. Just awful. But this last week with two drugs and half as many side effects has been wonderful.

But now my furlough is ending. Back to Revlimid prison. I woke up tense.

Then I called CuraScripts because the Revlimid wasn't here yet. I was going to ask for a tracking number. Dr. H's office told me they sent the order in Friday. CuraScripts said there was a problem with my 25mg Revlimid pills.

25mg?????

What?

My mind went blank and I started stuttering. I was on 10 mg. Was he changing it? Was he upping it? If 10mg did this to me, what would 25mg do?

I told them I was going to call the doctor and see. While I was on hold I opened the Yahoo Notepad page where I am keeping a daily journal of this adventure. I list meds, and vitamins, and sleep patterns and what I eat and what side effects I experience and what doctor visits and blood tests I have.

Everything said 10mg. I wrote if before I took the first pill. Before the drugs started eating away at my brain.

I found the paperwork from the October 1st shipment and it said 25mg. The doctor's office told me over the phone it was 25mg.

I straightened out the problem and the meds are on their way.

But still..........

How did I get that so wrong?

Worse, what if I am right? What if they accidently sent me 10mg and now I will get 25mg? What if I can't take it?

I was so sure. It is really bothering me. I have taken this so seriously. I have been so careful and thorough with this journal.

I am keeping a daily journal of this adventure. I list meds, and vitamins, and sleep patterns and what I eat and what side effects I experience and what doctor visits and blood tests.

Smart move. I did the same, Maggie. If you found the October paperwork printed with 25 mg, so that's probably what you were taking.

You called the doctor to check. Sounds like you've covered all your bases. If you're nervous, check again. Ask them, "Are you absolutely sure? Do I need less?" Maybe they upped your dose from the original and you've already been taking more.

You sounded great on the phone this morning though, in fact when I heard you speak up before the call started I thought it gave some energy to the conference call and set the right tone for what I thought was one of the best blogger roundtables yet. Captain Ponds was energized when he heard ya.

Shake these meds quick hun, because when this is over there is a long line to buy ya a drink, and I'm one of the guys nearby in front of that line.

I've been trying to be friendly and supportive when I'm probably not worth much these days. Bit it IS the thought that counts, yes?

Hopefully, it does... 'cause I'm thinking warm and supportive thoughts for you... You've been awesome so far, and you're gonna make it. Hang in there. *hugs*

And hey, I do the same brainless things (like the 10mg vs. 25 mg) WITHOUT the influence of drugs. :P I got chewed out yesterday for not doing something that had been at the top of my To Do list for three days--somehow everytime I looked at the list my mind had skipped right over it. Don't ask me to explain it.

Massachusetts Bloggers for Monti Scholars

About Me

I am 56, happily divorced, mother of two, grandmother of the most spectacular baby boy. I am a registered Republican with fiscally conservative views; libertarian social views &; ardently supportive of a strong US Military
I was born and raised in Boston and can not conceive of living anywhere else. I think Brian Lamb of CSpan is the sexiest man on TV. If you want my attention, you have to be aggressive and smart and you have to feed my head.
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