Work making my depression worse...

Has/Is this happening to anyone else? I should be happy, I've got a good job that pays well. But I'm not.

So many people are against me there so it brings out my insecurities. When that happens I become that welcome mat everyone walks on. I can't say no terrified of what will happen. Therefore I end up doing so much.

Then the second I do the smallest mistake and I fear what's going to happen to me. I go everyday terrified that I'm going to be fired. It makes me actually make more mistakes because I have no faith in myself. I used to love my job, but not anymore.

I feel sick all the time and just never want to go. I cry everyday. I can't stand this anymore but I'm scared to quit. Help please! Even now I just want to cry. I can't sleep and I'm tired all the time.

The first thing I would suggest is possibly having a word with your manager, about possibly having a week off for holiday just to see if it could be a bit of burnout.

Then I would look at what it is you are unhappy with and your fears, perhaps converse with your manager and a 3rd party (Ideally someone from HR side would be best), to see if there was a way they could assist you with your fears.

Has/Is this happening to anyone else? I should be happy, I've got a good job that pays well. But I'm not.

So many people are against me there so it brings out my insecurities. When that happens I become that welcome mat everyone walks on. I can't say no terrified of what will happen. Therefore I end up doing so much.

Then the second I do the smallest mistake and I fear what's going to happen to me. I go everyday terrified that I'm going to be fired. It makes me actually make more mistakes because I have no faith in myself. I used to love my job, but not anymore.

I feel sick all the time and just never want to go. I cry everyday. I can't stand this anymore but I'm scared to quit. Help please! Even now I just want to cry. I can't sleep and I'm tired all the time.

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I can relate in many ways. There are ways to succeed and feel better without getting so stressed that we need to quit, though.

You say many people are against you. Who is against you and how are they showing that they are against you? There are ways for you to deal with them so it doesn't trigger your insecurities. :hug: There are also ways to say "no" that are assertive and that prevent you from being welcome mat. There are also ways to regroup so that you focus on your abilities and not on your fears. (Being afraid doesn't allow us to focus on the job at hand, and understandably, we can start to make mistakes. It would be good to refocus on your positives and then on the job. :hug:

Have you considered assertiveness training? If you have a therapist, he/she could likely help you with that via some role playing. When you begin to feel insecure, remind yourself of the fact that you were "chosen" and "hired" to do this job. Take a minute to ensure that you're focused on doing the job - write down what you need to do in point form. As you get each part done, check it off. That will show you that you are doing what you are very capable of doing.

Another option is to get a job coach - someone who can listen and cheer you on through the ups and downs of working.

And keep coming here. Keep venting here.

But please, always KEEP your self-confidence and remind yourself that you CAN do this job. I hope you can stop wearing yourself down when in fact you have lots of reasons to feel good about who you are and how well you can do things, sweetie!

You say many people are against you. Who is against you and how are they showing that they are against you? There are ways for you to deal with them so it doesn't trigger your insecurities.

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I've had to deal with rumors. If something is not done- even if it's not my responsibility, or I explain why I couldn't do it, I get the blame for it not being done. The looks I get from others when I see from the corner of my eyes. I mean I'm really good at pretending I don't notice it but I notice almost everything that happens around me. When I call in sick- I have chronic migraines I'm bound to call in- it spreads more rumors about how inprofessional I am. I don't call in that often, since JAnuary I've only called in 3 times which to me is pretty good.

I tried telling my management but everyone is such best friends with everyone else that I'm stuck not knowing who I can talk to freely. I've had it where I tell one manager, find out the hard way they are friends with another and end up with another getting mad at what I said in privacy; even if they are gettin talked too for the problem it should be hidden who made the complaint.

If you talk to your manager about a problem it should be private right? You should know that whatever you say will be between him/her and you. Well with me and a couple others, if you say anything about what's going on the manager first doesn't believe you- despite concrete proof. Then will actually turn against you and if you are seen taking an extra 5 min break will point out reasons on why you're wrong. I have almost all of my managers against me now because of that. I've gone to my supervisor when I'm swamped and asked for help only to get "you need to calm down." I'm not calm because it's an hour before the shift is over and no one has helped me all shift- despite me begging for help- and I'm so far behind and I can't stay late cuz that gets you talked to. Heck I've gotten written up for a mistake that was NOT mine despite proof that I had and could name who made the mistake. So I'm partially terrified, they use fear against you so when they gave me the write up they said they coupld technically fire me, but wouldn't unless I mess up one more time. They use fear instead of looking or talking to you to see what's wrong.

The only thing that keeps me going is that I have a vacation in a month that I have my highest bosses signature on, so no matter what I've got it. And I'm hopin the week away will help me. It used to but now I don't know. I thought about going part time or perdiem but then I tell myself it won't take care of the problems.

Yeah...I decided I needed a day away from everyone and everything at work- since I got no sleep last night- and took the day off. Write me up, talk to me, make rumors about me I don't care today...