Thursday, October 31, 2013

Of Zerstor Ruins and Ifrit's Prophecy

The zerstor problem I have is quite a delicate issue for me, and so,
it's another very important matter to be stringed. And so here I have
this... hereditary problem of sorts. It's how I feel it's in my blood
to be troubled like this. All this instability and anxiety and
difficulty to deal with my emotions. It's the dooming prophecy that
Ilium's destiny is to end like its ancestors.

Not sure if Zerstor is a nice choice now I'm using it like this, but
it's the working name until I find something better for it. Either
way, I'm going to start off considering it a previous civilization, a
pre-Ilium attempt to overcome Ersatz. It failed, though, and its
attempts to recreate gravity failed terribly.

Ushag lives near these ruins, and a lot of the strength of ersatz, or
maybe their arguments, come from these ruins. They linger around it,
constantly and menacingly reminding me of how rotten I actually am,
how fruitless it is to try.

But also Ifrit is related to this. It is that lazurian agent that
declares this very solid perception that I have that there’s
nothing I can do about to get things I want. It’s a very sad
feeling to see that I’ve did my best, but the rail I’m on is
already on a defined track of fate. I am so baffled and troubled by
seeing a relationship with a great potential to ruin so soon and so
sudden, or that I keep making stupid mistakes and seeing everything
crumble again.

It’s the punch in my ego when I think I’m doing everything
alright and then suddenly it’s revealed all wrong inside. Every
failure that leads me precisely to this future I dread makes Ifrit's
prophecy to be fulfilled. Every confirmation of such a fear is a
terrible sign for me.