This Blog is Dedicated to the Investigation, Transformation and Correction of the Human Constitution as the Entity of Separation that it has become - to Shape, Manifest and Establish a Physical World and Reality that Ensures a Dignified Life for All Living Things from Birth till Death

Pagina's

zaterdag 20 september 2008

2008 defending and relationships

The Protection/Defense Systems that exist within the FOREARM points of all of humanity is exactly the same – the defense and protection mechanisms used as justification, validation, denial etc. are copied and duplicated by the child from the parents as reactive behaviours and actions, mainly consisting of conflicting arguments of manipulation to defend and protect their own personalized and individualized mind consciousness systems' as the structural resonance within and as them, used to define ‘who they are' within the System

my muscles in my forearms are quite sore, so that is defence system i m taking a look at here.

i defend myself in 'communication' with others. by 'telling' them something, rather than actually self honestly communicating. i make arguments and statements, to defend my 'point of view', just like my parents. that s why i find it difficult to 'communicate' with my parents. because we defend our egos in the same manner, we re equally good at argumenting justifying, denying.well, maybe my parents are somewhat better at that, as they are older. their defence systems are more 'evolved' and 'stable'.

defending myself with and thru knowledge and informations and ideas and definitions about myself as who i apparantly am as 'different from my parents' and 'different from the beings around me'. not willing to communicate as one and equal to the beings in my world, because that means giving up my ego.i just had a 'discussion/conversation' with my mother and her boyfriend., where i tried to speak self honestly yet i couldnt seem to step out of the discussion as reactions.

that s why i dont like my mother, her boyfriend and my father. and most of my friends(my female friends). as they all resemble me, they all are like me. they do the same: they justify themselves in the same manner as me.

in a way when i m 'communicating ' in that way with them i feel powerless, because i want to convince them, desparately. yet their arguments in defending of themselves seem to be more stable. in my justifications i m also looking for recognition and validation from them, cause of my desire for relationship.

i forgive myself for allowing myself to want to defend myself against what other beings say to mei forgive myself for allowing myself to want to defend my point of viewi forgive myself for allowing myself to make definitions and ideas and opinions of and around myself, that i then want to defend because they are apparantly who i ami forgive myself for having allowed myself to turn self honesty and self responsability and the process and oneness and equality into a definition of me , that i can use to separate myself from others and that i have to defendi forgive myself for allowing myself to in communication with others, use arguments, justifications and validations in defence of my point of view as my ego as who i ve allowed myself to becomei forgive myself for allowing myself to believe i must use arguements and validations and justifications to prove a point or to prove myself to other beingsi forgive myself for allowing myself to want to defend my expressioni forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that aslong as i believe i must defend myself, i am not expressing myself self honestly within and as oneness and equalityi forgive myself for allowing myself to fear looking or seeming ridiculous in the eyes of others and therefore want to defend myself thru arguments and justifications to prove myself as valid towards othersi forgive myself for allowing myself to not stand as what i say, and in that not having to defend anythingi forgive myself for having allowed myself to communicate with others within and as reactions as the desire for relationshipi forgive myself for allowing myself to communicate with others as separate from myself as the desire for relationshipsi forgive myself for allowing myself to want to prove myself to other beingsi forgive myself for allowing myself to use arguements and justifications in communication instead of common sensei forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that if i do not defend my ego in that way, i will be vulnerable and too openi forgive myself for allowing myself to be weak by giving my power away to others in the desire for them to validate mei forgive myself for having allowed myself to want to prove my existence as valid to my parents and friendsi forgive myself for having allowed myself to step into defence mode whenever someone reacts to what i sayi forgive myself for not allowing myself to speak common sense here, as me, as oneness and equalityi forgive myself for allowing defence and defending to exist within mei forgive myself for allowing msyelf to defend myself from oneness and equalityi forgive myself for allowing myself to defend and protect myself from taking self responsability as one and equal with the beings i communicate withi forgive myself for having allowed myself to communicate with other beings from ego as personality that needs defending and protectioni forgive myself for allowing myself to believe andfear that if i do not defend what i say and do, i will be ridiculed and mockedi forgive myself for having allowed myself to fear being mocked and ridiculedi forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that i can only be mocked and ridiculed or feel that way when i m trying to prove myselfi forgive myself for not allowign myself to realise that within self honesty, ridicule and mockery does not existi forgive myself for having allowed ridicule and mockery to exist within mei forgive myself for having allowed myself to define myself according to what i say and doi forgive myself for having allowed myself to define myself according to what i think other beings think about what i say and doi forgive myself for allowing myself to want to defend myself from judgements, negative judgementsi forgive myself for allowing myself to want other beings to agree with me , instead of me unconditionally agreeing with myselfi forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that i cannot convince beings of self honesty and self acceptance, convincing is done as the mind.i forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that when i m trying to convince other beings of self honesty and self acceptance, i m actually keeping the system 'alive', as convincing and defending is of the mind. as we are all constantly convincing others and defending ourselves so we wouldnt have to take SELF responsabilityi forgive myself for allowing myself to speak from and as knowledge as the mind, knowledge that needs to be justified and validated, knowledge that needs understanding and appreciation from othersi forgive myself for allowing myself to speak empty words and blaming others for speaking empty words, while not realising i am doing it myselfi forgive myself for having allowed myself to separate myself from other beings by 'letting them know something', 'telling them something', instead of me expressing me, alone, herei forgive myself for having allowed myself to chose my words when i speak, so they will be 'right', so they will be convincing, so they will not be ridiculedi forgive myself for allowing myself to build up a fence as justifications validations and denials around me as defence for my egoi forgive myself for having allowed myself to react to reactions of other beings towards what i sayor doi forgive myself for allowing myself to want to prove myself as self honest and self responsibleinstead of actually being self honest and taking self responsabilityi forgive myself for allowing myself to speak from and as desire for relationships, in which i as the ego i ve become can be validated and acknowledgedi forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that i become what i react to, as i deny it withing myselfi forgive myself for allowing myself to deny others within myself as denials from and as my egoi forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that 'I' have something to say that matters and that others should listen to and understandi forgive myself for having allowed myself to believe that i hold the 'truth', i know, i am the besti forgive myself for having allowed myself to see other beings as a threati forgive myself for not allowing myself to see the other being within myselfi forgive myself for allowing myself to feel misunderstood by other beingsi forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that i am misunderstanding myself in wanting others to understand me, becuase i am not allowing myself to realise myself as one and equal to this other beingi forgive myself for allowing myself to want to be righti forgive myself for having allowed myself to be weak in wanting other beings to validate my expressioni forgive myself for havingallowed myself to not want to be one and equal to other beings , not want to give up my apparent 'self'i forgive myself for having allowed myself to define myself according to desire for relationship, desire for others to validate and recognise mei forgive myself for having allowed myself to try to manipulate other beings in my world into recognising mei forgive myself for having allowed myself to try to stay in control of my world and the beings in it, so i can manipulate them into giving me what i wanti forgive myself for havinga llowed myself to 'be aware' of the beings in my world, more than myself, so i can use them and operate and manipulate them into giving me what i want which is recognition and validation and attentioni forgive myslef for not allowing myself to realise that the only reason why i want attention from others is because i ve never allowed myself to give attention to myselfi forgive myself for not allowing myself to spend my undivided attention only on myself, as i am the only one that is HEREi forgive myself for having allowed myself to define myself according to 'recognition' 'attention' and 'validation'i forgive myself for allowing myself to feel lost without the idea of relationships with other beingsi forgive myself for allowing myself to fear feeling lost when i am completely alonei forgive myself for having allowed myself to fear trusting myself, because i believe i would be lost as only myselfi forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that i have always been lost in trusting others and seeking attention from others, i would be found if i simply allow myself to trust myselfi forgive myself for allowing myself to fear lostnessi forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that all in creation atm is lost in systems, i have to take self responsability and find myself by letting go of all relationships, as they keep me lost in and as the mind consciousness systemi must give confirmation and validation and recognition and attention to myselfi must notice myselfi must trust myselfi must find myselfi must see myselfi must love myselfi must accept myself

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to have the desire for relationship and recognition built in in my human physical bodyi forgive myself for having allowed myself to have become a robot that needs to be told what to do and what to be, that needs to be moved by others as operatorsi forgive myself for having allowed myself to be operated by others because of my desire for recognition from themi forgive myself for allowing myself to hold on to the relationships of my mind as thoughts of other beings, as memories as feelings and emotions as if it were life lines, there to 'hold me in place'i forgive myself for having allowed myself to lock myself into a limited existence where i want everything i do and say to be recognised by othersi forgive myself for having allowe dmyself to live for others, for the idea of other beings in my mindi forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that 'others' are ideas in my mind, they dont really exist as the pictures i so with my human physical eyesi forgive myself for having allowed myself to pay more attention to the pictures of other beings in my mind, searching recognition from them, than to be me here and pay attention to meas one and equal to the pictures in my mindi forgive myself for allowing msyelf to believe that i need another to constantly confirm me, and tell me that what i am doing is 'alright' and 'ok'i forgive myself for allowing myself to desire sexi forgive myself for allowing myself to desire transferring the system i ve allowed myself to become onto anotheri forgive myself for allowing myself to desire being able to talk to other beingsi forgive myself for allowing myself to desire being around other beingsi forgive myself for allowing myself to believe in the illusion that if there are other humans around me, i am not alonei forgive myself for allowing myself to create beliefsystems around what it means to be alonei forgive myself for allowing myself to fear the thought and idea of being alone as 'lonelyness'i forgive myself for allowign loneliness to exist within mei forgive myself for allowing myself to divert my attention from breath here, to desire for relationship, desire to do thingsi forgive myself for allowing myself to not really want to be breath, but to want to 'escape', within relationshipi forgive myself for allowing myself to attempt to escape myself within relationship with othersi forgive myself for allowing myself to not want to give up the desire, and just be here, self presencei forgive myself for having allowed myself to lock into relationships as i locked myself into the mindi forgive myself for allowing myself to desire being the mind as relationshipsi forgiv emyself for allowing myself to believe i am desirei forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that i am a picture in a picture world, so not alone when there are other pictures aroundi forgive myself for having allowed myself to create a relationship with bernard in and as my mind, as someone who can give me the recognition that i believe i needi forgive myself for having allowed myself to create a relationship with all the beings at desteni forum in and as my mind, as beings that i can compare myself withi forgive myself for having allowe dmyself to compare myself with beings just so i would not feel alone, so i would not have to take complete self responsabilityi forgive myself for allowing myself to want to escape the shit that i ve allowed to exist within me, by wanting relationships, as a cover up, as desire, as the illusion that i am 'ok'i forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that it is impossible for me to accept the fact that i am alone, to accept myselfi forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that i AM alone, the mind will not accept this, but i do, i accept myself as aloneall one here as me

till here and no further:i am HEREi am ALONEi recognise myselfi validate myselfi love myselfi accept myselfi am lifei do not exist within and as relationships as the mind