March 2016

March 24, 2016

Young Laura Schwartz, a Boston, Massachusetts native watched the game, sitting beside her aunt, the biggest Yankees fan she knew. She’d attended some minor league games with her dad as well. She remembers not having a full grasp of what was going on, but she felt excited by the unfolding action.

“I remember being bummed out that the World Series only went five games,” Schwartz said. “I wanted the Mets to battle back just so we could get more baseball.”

A difficult personal period moved her away from baseball fan life. Her grandmother died in 2004 and her aunt moved to Texas. She wasn’t paying much attention to baseball for a while. Then she went off to college in Washington DC. A new National League team was in town and tickets were cheap. Her roommate was a baseball fan, and she convinced Schwartz to attend some Nationals games.

“I got pulled into being a Nats fan…I really started to learn little details of game play, like the neighborhood rule, learning the notation for keeping score, details on that level. I had no clue about anything that nitty-gritty as a kid,” she said.

Catherine Stem spent her childhood bonding with her family through baseball in Toronto. She loved the game, but it wasn’t her life. Eventually, she had her own family to raise, three boys, with husband Kevin. In 2012, her life was transformed by tragedy when Kevin died of cancer. And just like when she was a child, she found family connection through baseball; watching games became a source of healing for the mom and her boys.

“Baseball became the way to connect with them on another level,” Stem said. “It gave them an emotional outlet that was so needed at the time…and still is.”

Her love for baseball, and the emotional connection she felt, sparked her interest in writing about her favorite team, the Toronto Blue Jays. She joined Twitter with a desire to keep up to date on the team. Then she decided to start her own Jays blog. It was a welcome return to writing. She’d had a blog that she says wasn’t about happiness, but about dealing with the pain of watching a spouse go through cancer and the grief of their loss. It was called ‘The Cancer Patient’s Wife’.

“I hadn’t written since Kevin’s death. I was just happy I found my voice again,” she said. Fellow Blue Jays blogger Jenn Smith, who writes for Baseball Prospectus, explains that it’s quite simple how she came to know and love baseball.

“I remember watching games with my dad and asking questions about rules, in-game decisions, etc. My passion has grown over the years. I thank my parents, particularly my father, for taking me to games and fostering my interest in baseball” she said.

What men have always pointed to, or are credited with, is the shared childhood experience of baseball games with, usually, a male figure. We’re moved by the moment Kevin Costner in ‘Field of Dreams’ asks his deceased father, ‘Wanna have a catch?’ We understand on that father-son level that something extraordinary happens within the context of a day that was very ordinary at the time. A lifetime of baseball games at the park or watching at home on television gave fathers and sons a connection society celebrates as a symbol of American life. The sons join Little League and play in high school, then they graduate, maybe they go to college, maybe not, but even if they do, they don’t necessarily play collegiate ball. Playing the game might become just a memory, one that father and son will cherish for a lifetime, a common bond, a shared interest that they’ll hold dear.

But women like Schwartz, Stem and Smith, are part of that childhood story that connects the heart to baseball, and, often, leads to a love of writing about the sport.

With more women watching baseball, making up nearly 50% of the MLB fan base and an increase in attention on girls playing professionally, a new generation of boys and girls are being raised on the simple notion that girls love, watch and play baseball too.

Like the boys, the girls learn sometimes by playing, and by watching (for some reason, that needs explaining), developing a passion and knowledge over time that drives many toward a writing career in baseball. Blogging gave the passionate fan who aspired to write about their passion a new way in. The power of social media and blogging has been met with resistance and frustration by professional writers and teams. But that power’s only grown. They’ve had to adapt and embrace the new form of expression and coverage. That doesn’t mean that every fan gets a press pass, or even wants one; it just means that aspiring writers, with a wealth of knowledge and enthusiasm, and who are consistently blogging develop many necessary skills needed to enter the profession of baseball writing, without taking a more traditional route. There’s no one that benefits from this more than the female baseball blogger.

She doesn’t have to wait for that diversity-allergic sports editor to give her a shot. She can create her own platform, to express all her thoughts about that day’s game or write-up an opinion on the big prospect making his mark. In that space, women can be part of the baseball conversation without the possible risk of ridicule or intimidation. In that space, though not entirely private, especially if the effort stays low-key for a while, a female baseball blogger can find her voice and enjoy it. She can grow as a writer. She can express herself as a fan and connect with other female fans, trying to forge their own path. She can create a community. The importance of creating that community can’t be overstated. The baseball blogging community is still largely male; and when you have a band of brothers getting off on their own aggressive voices, sometimes degrading women in the process, that can be incredibly difficult to shout down. By creating their own community, women create their own power.

While many female fan bloggers may not take the step toward pursuing baseball writing as a profession, or even a side-job, plenty have and will. Creating that baseball community that is led by women and welcoming to them, can have immense impact.

“I was lucky to be friends with [baseball writer] Meg Rowley. I also interacted with a lot of female fans on Twitter,” said Kate Preusser, a writer for Lookout Landing, a Seattle Mariners blog. “As I’ve gotten more involved in the baseball world, I’m thrilled to see how much women (and men) support and amplify female voices within the community.”

I began my own career, without any idea where it would lead, writing about the Phillies minor leagues for sites that gave me immense freedom to grow. I picked up my first professional gigs within a year. It was a couple of years before I finally began ‘Heels on the Field.’ Even though it wasn’t subtitled, ‘A Minor League Blog’, that was the main focus most of the time and where my interest kept taking me. When I decided to officially make the blog exclusively minor league focused, my sense of purpose in baseball was re-newed. I knew I’d be contributing something unique by devoting all coverage to one specific area. By writing almost every day my confidence grew, as did my skill level. Without my blog, I wouldn’t have had the outlet to discover and grow comfortable with my voice. I’ve always been better on paper, than in conversation. And being personal is difficult for me. I found my way as a baseball writer because of the HOTF blog. Knowing what I was good at and what I loved to do took some time. The things that happened that took a hit on my confidence were more easily worked out because I had an outlet. Building readership on my own mattered in calling on more confidence in myself.

Inviting ourselves into the baseball conversation can be daunting. Men are so certain the language is theirs, convinced that they’re the teachers. I’ve had men treat me like that even when they knew I was a professional. But if another guy enters the conversation and says he’s also just a fan, he’s likely rarely tested on the breadth of his knowledge of baseball. It’s just assumed that by way of his gender, he knows.

“I mean, who hasn’t?” Preusser responded when asked if she’d run into the aggressive type of male sports fan. “Meg and I have both noticed that certain readers will nitpick facts or stylistic choices in our articles that don’t seem to be mirrored in articles by our male counterparts.

Women are also finding their voices heard in baseball in cross-sectional ways. Domestic violence and sexual assault have been more thoroughly discussed in the realm of baseball via Twitter and Facebook, as well as on blogs (HOTF included). Women can cover those issues with a first-hand understanding, grasping the injustice we face in the rest of the world, and seeing it reflected in sports. That’s not to dismiss the fact that men too are victims of those crimes. But DV, sexual assault, sexual harassment, in the workplace and online, are very uniquely female experiences. How many male-written articles and men’s opinions have we read about DV accusations against baseball players? Admittedly, it’s burned me up at times. So when women have taken control of the conversation, it’s thrilling. It’s also necessary. Opinions are one thing; having direct experience that you can bring to discussions of an issue, while remaining objective, is even more powerful. With so much recent discussion of domestic violence in baseball, due to a new DV policy and more players being disciplined for the crime, women have emerged in a new way as baseball writers. We’re addressing a subject we know too well, in the context of an industry we work in that has far too often dismissed the issue of DV, as well as sexual assault, when players were accused.

In the independent blogosphere, you can be freer. Objectivity isn’t always a requirement. The other vastly important part of this is that professional writers tend to sanitize the work. We have to, particularly when it’s straight reporting that requires us to stick to information available. We’re there to give voice to the players, not voice our own opinion, unless of course you are an opinion writer. Blogging is our modern day op-ed. But, take note, as a professional writer I have income. Blogging, well, the traditional newspaper op-ed probably paid more. Blogging is driven by passion for a subject we love and know well. It’s not necessarily a means to pay the bills. I’ve had many conversations about that with Jarah Wright, who runs the baseball blog ‘Wright Beyond the Bleachers.’ She’s worked various jobs in the minor leagues, but the blog is a passion. Making money from the passion, as we’ve discussed so often, can be incredibly difficult. We’ve talked about the many times we’ve seen guys less qualified get jobs we knew we were perfectly capable of doing.

For passionate female baseball fans starting blogs, who’re frustrated by insults, inequality and imbalance, they can vent hard, getting all that frustration in the open. It’s always encouraging when you see one woman standing up. We’ve witnessed the impact that has on social media. Teams are paying attention to what their players are saying about women, and they’re exacting more discipline. Male fans, many with their own blogs, have been taken to task by swarms of female fans, banding together to defend sexist insults. Male reporters have also been disciplined after making insensitive, careless comments about DV and other forms of abuse. Most infamously, Stephen A. Smith was absolutely trounced by sports fans and reporters, including reporter Michelle Beadle, who fearlessly confronted him for his repeatedly tone-deaf remarks about issues concerning domestic violence.

In a 2011 Fangraphs piece titled ‘Women Are Coming to Baseball, Like it or Not’, Alex Remington illustrated the frustrations of trying to simply find women in baseball, and talk to any who were making progress in changing the game.

“When it comes to hiring women, Major League Baseball still has a ways to go”, he wrote.

And while that mostly referred to the state of women being hired for work in baseball, such as umpiring and executive positions, all of this is connected. None of it is a separate issue, but bound by the same basic truth: it is hard for women in baseball to be hired and it is hard for women in baseball to be heard.

For that reason, the social media connection is perhaps the most important mechanism for the blogosphere. For female baseball bloggers it’s even more important. It deepens the bond and widens the reach. When you join the social media universe, you find women just like you, speaking your language.

Jayne Hansen is one of few women focusing on the minor leagues, and with ‘What the Heck Bobby’ she writes about the Houston Astros system. She’s also the author of the ‘Houston Farm System Handbook’. Hansen talked about her admiration for Astros beat writer Alyson Footer (“She’s just the best. Period) and how important her example is for any female baseball writer. But the downside is that some women don’t walk the talk.

“Honestly, I’ve had mixed results,” said Hansen. “Most women are very supportive, but sometimes I’ll run into someone who goes out of her way to ignore me. One woman wrote a piece about how women in sports should be supportive of each other. I tried to reach out to her to ask her a couple of questions and she ignored me. Ironic, huh?”

Yes, it is. And in recently addressing this on this blog in my own career, and for other women who’ve experienced the same thing, I tried to be fair and tough. Because we’re up against so much that we don’t control, we have an incredible opportunity to control the discourse. We can create change within a very sexist industry.

I’ve experienced all sides of this; and it’s as important to increasing the power and value of female baseball bloggers as anything else, including male misogyny. Unless we value each other, this doesn’t work. When you look at women in professional sports, they benefitted from a lot of male support and count me among them. But the rise is organic for a baseball blog. You’re not jumping in the pool of writers with the backing of a well-known professional outlet. Those fan blogging communities grow by way of connection. Women blogging about baseball have the ability to create a change in the climate by combining their talents and being each other’s backers. No boy’s club ever changed without a lot of unified women banging on a lot of doors, refusing to be denied. Going it alone is tougher.

It’s easy to view today’s world as more hostile, more dangerous to women with online harassment and image-obsession. In sports, like any form of entertainment, those issues are magnified. The other side of the coin is that women with shared interests and experiences have a support system. Dealing with know-it-all, hostile sports fans is something all reporters have to contend with. But for female sports reporters, the insults often focus on appearance, and can take a turn to the sexual and misogynistic. Female baseball bloggers are on the fringe. While they have complete freedom, they’re also less protected. They don’t necessarily have the confidence that a professional reporter has who’s around supportive male reporters and other professional women in sports.

When I go up to do a major league assignment there’s an immediate sense of how different that world is. There’s a greater sense of confidence being in that environment. And when you see that many professional women, many working in the media, that confidence is strengthened. If we’re seeing more work by female baseball bloggers, and connecting with each other, it can only increase our confidence and sense of belonging.

Hollie Hamilton has noticed an absence of that in her own baseball blogging life.

When asked if she was around a lot of supportive female baseball bloggers she simply said, “No. None.”

Hamilton decided that she wanted to be on the field, to interview players. She wanted to anchor and report scores. She talked about wanting to “create a place where women could learn and talk about baseball.” She’s thinking of a new focus, but she’s still deeply emotionally connected to the same things about baseball as she was as a child growing up in Fort Worth, Texas, playing catch with her brother. Her blog, ‘Miss Baseball’ is an extension of that which she’s loved and sought to understand her whole life.

“I felt like I knew the game. And then I wanted to KNOW the game,” she said.

One of the early, and perhaps the first, all-female run baseball blogs was ‘Chicks Dig the Long Ball’, a Phillies-centered site. It was founded by a group of female fans, including Michelle O’Malley. Liz Rocher was also one of the writers, and she now runs the Phillies SB Nation blog ‘The Good Phight.’ CDTLB deserves credit for trailblazing efforts. The tone was a mix of fun and fiery, but also extremely thorough in game coverage and storytelling. You would’ve been shut down quickly if you’d questioned those women about their baseball knowledge.

Joanna Cornish has run the Blue Jays blog ‘Hum and Chuck’ for ten years, and, quite a segue way from the Phillies blog mention, she remembers the moment Joe Carter hit his dream-like home run over the heads of Phillies players in the 1993 World Series. She got into the online baseball chat game in the early 2000’s, pre-social media dominance, writing a particularly memorable post on the fight between then Jays manager John Gibbons and pitcher Ted Lilly. The incident started on the mound and stretched into the dugout, then into the clubhouse.

“I remember doing a detailed breakdown,” Cornish said.

That led her to writing the ever-popular type of blogging post, the game recap. She added quirky thoughts, not normally found in newspaper post-gamers. She’d observe.

“I remember the fact that closer B.J. Ryan, who’d been shelved early in the season with what the team called, “a sore back”, ended up getting Tommy John surgery. GM J.P. Ricciardi said, “It’s not a lie if I know the truth.” I thought that merited a bit of discussion.”

After ten years, she says, it’s still what she does and loves to do. She remembers those early days like “sending feelers out into the wilderness.” Women, she says, have been very supportive. She acknowledges that, yes, it’s still very much “a boy’s club.”

Many of us are like Cornish. We come to the realization that this is something we can do and blogging gave us a way to do it in a unique platform, unencumbered by expectation or the male gaze. The male gaze has, of course, followed us into the sports world, where our clothes, words and every action is observed and critiqued. But Preusser sees a way forward from that.

“I think as women become more prevalent in the field, a lot of this outright aggression will go underground: not disappear, but be channeled into more subtle forms.” she said.

As Hamilton simply states, “It’s our game too.”

Today, there are many quality baseball blogs by female fans, like Kayla Thompson’s ‘Indy Ball Island’ that seek to mix fandom with a more serious tone, the social with the professional.

The industry of baseball writing is in flux. It’s drastically changed. And while there’s a huge, painful downside to that, including many newspapers cutting staff or shutting down, this new frontier is the future. We know that. The upside is that opportunities expand in other ways. The exciting part of that for women in baseball is that we can more easily control the message, even with the noise of online harassment of women from guys threatening to drown us out. Simply put, they cannot drown us out, especially if we are a force with a multitude of members. Female bloggers can contribute without an invite and build their own place. The more their voices are heard, the more impossible to ignore.

The baseball blogging platform can be transformed by women, just as professional sports media was. Hearing their voices in the fringey blogosphere can impact perception. The more that join the chorus, the more powerful the female baseball fan voice becomes. And that creates opportunity.

“The most important thing I’ve learned is that my voice and my opinion are just as valid as any male blogger’s opinion. I always try to encourage women especially to branch out on their own and start their own thing,” Cornish said.

We’re a generation of women who’ve grown up in the time of readily available advanced stats and advanced opportunity to cover games in a variety of outlets. Branching out has never been easier or more meaningful.

In those early days of blogging, women may have just been trying to join the baseball discussion without being leveled by some sexist guy. They made it possible for female fans to be themselves, pursue something they were good at, and have fun doing it. But what they’ve also done, and will continue to do, is increase the possibility for women to get in the door of baseball writing.

March 12, 2016

We’ve heard and read the multitude of stories through the years from female sports reporters about sexist treatment in the industry. Infamous tales of jock straps being thrown, gang-up verbal abuse and flat-out questioning why or how a woman got into the clubhouse to do her job. Misogyny and hyper masculinity have run roughshod over women who often felt helpless; or when they did try to do something about it faced fan backlash or team resistance. Fans voices have more dangerous impact and verbal abuse is dialed up, without consequence, in today’s social media saturated world.

There are many stories women have privately shared through the years, and I have plenty of my own. We’ve long understood that the sports industry was the last sacred boy’s club. Our growing presence, and power, changes the rules and the entire foundation that boy’s club was built on. We’re cool with the questions about how much we really know. And by cool, I mean we try to keep our cool without physically lunging or throwing a ballpark hot dog at dudes who question us, both as sports fans, professional writers/reporters, and bloggers. Private chats about the issue usually include a strong element of humor, with genuine shock and frustration peppering the salty discourse.

A female baseball executive once reached out to me for advice about a guy who worked for the team who’d pointed at her, whispering remarks at the tall blonde in the clubhouse. He drew attention to her, as if any needed to be, as if she needed her job to be more difficult. Female reporters have dealt with accusations to their face about being too friendly, and what that implies

We’ve talked about creepy, relentless texts, calls and DMs. A coach once harassed me for two weeks via text until I just ignored him, without any smiley face polite nice-girl stuff. I finally just chose silence because I’d had enough of being polite. We face the ridicule and snickering, the flat out sexually charged remarks, and we quietly go to the teams when we feel it’s necessary. Then we go to each other. And in our quiet space, we vent. We vent the hell out of it all. The words we refrain from saying to the faces of the players, coaches, fans and fellow male reporters, we say to each other. It’s comforting. We know we’re not alone.

But there’s a deeper hidden other aspect that we don’t often talk about or even acknowledge. And I’ve often felt I wasn’t allowed. Because acknowledging the sexism and misogyny from men in baseball and male fans was, and remains, our main concern because of the power they still hold. They’ve used that sexist power to keep us from jobs we were qualified for or diminished us to a body type on social media, casually accusing a female sideline reporter of such obvious sexual attraction to the player she’s interviewing. Because this male behavior is so offensive and aggressive, we focus on them. Admittedly, I expect misogyny and slut-shaming from men. Sadly, that doesn’t shock or disappoint me. What’s been far more disappointing are the attitudes and words of other female baseball reporters and women in the industry. I wrote recently on this blog about Erin Andrews, recalling a conversation I’d had not long after nude footage of her was taken by a stalker. In the conversation, a female reporter acidly pondered, “I mean, who does naked lunges?” I remember the shock that ran through me. This is how we treat each other? Where’s your guts?

A few years ago, a baseball writer wrote about how she no longer wears skirts and dresses, because it’s just easier not to send a certain message. She also talked maddeningly about not tilting her head to interview a player because it sends some sort of sexual signal. I always tilt my head when I speak to people. It’s a habit. I do it out of curiosity and when I’m really engaged, it’s just a thing I do. But, ok, apparently I’ve been quietly communicating my desire to have sex with nearly every person I’ve ever talked to in my life.

These ideas about women are everywhere. In the sports world, where we’re breaking more and more barriers, we’re fighting those ideas every day, with every story we write and report. Women being in sports is still a thing and men won’t let it go. Women allowing those man-made rules to dictate how we act and how we’re judged only make progress harder. That whole, ‘Oh, she’s affecting her industry by dating [that player/coach/manager]! She’s making things so much harder for all the women who are actually working hard and deserve* respect!” Oh please. Spare me the convenient nonsense. When women parrot men and make similar disparaging remarks about other women in the industry, THAT is what holds us back. THAT is the problem. If you can’t beat ‘em, don’t join ‘em. It won’t help us.

When I began, I was blessed to be naïve about the industry. I didn’t realize how much resistance I’d face from players, coaches, male reporters and male fans. I wasn’t prepared for blatant verbal abuse, a player to physically confront me in the clubhouse, a coach asking what I was doing in the dugout pre-game (there were other male reporters around), or male reporters doing things like putting a hand on my leg in the press box while chastising me during a baseball debate. I’ve written and talked about my history with relationship violence in the last few years, and how those experiences shaped me and now motivate and inspire my life in baseball. I needed to bring all my toughness to the job; otherwise I wouldn’t be able to survive in the business, or thrive, and be happy and productive.

Having mostly covered the minor leagues, there were few to no other women in the press box. Social media helped me connect with more women in the industry as well as female fans, who experienced their own sexist backlash in the stands from male know-it-all fans. When I’d go up to the majors on assignment, I’d see more women, but didn’t know how to approach anyone. I’ve mostly stayed to myself. But what also stands out is that while there was a heavy dose of sports-guy ‘We’re naturally born knowing and understanding sports’ sexist garbage and male-fraternizing, it was men who reached out to help me the most. When I cite mentors in the minors or majors, in any part of the industry, I mention men. When women were around, they weren’t welcoming, some were downright nasty and others just shut me out. There are other women, women whom I’ve come to know on a more personal level, who’ve felt that same scorn or lack of camaraderie. You can make the case for competitiveness in some cases, where we’re all aware that there are fewer slots allowed for women in the sports department, staff or for on-air talent. But that only explains part of the problem and doesn’t excuse treating each other badly.

In the same way that men in the industry have been blatant jerks, so too have women. One, so aggressively unkind and self-important, inspired a character in my screenplay, ‘Minor League Guys’ because, frankly, she seemed like an unreal character that only a man would imagine. You know, cold and calculating, with a villainous sneer. I found it hard to believe she existed, so I had to write about the experience. I felt sexist writing her, but reminded myself that what I was creating actually happened. That lack of shock I feel when men are terrible? I’m shocked when women are. Maybe I shouldn’t be. But to that point, same as the guys, there are all the subtle but loud ways women in the industry telegraph their attitude toward other women in sports. I felt this early on in the business, but I’ve been more keenly aware of it in the last couple of years. Particularly this year, which inspired me to write out this whole thing and call on women to take a minute and consider their own attitude, the one we seem to believe we only need to fight when men do it. What inspired me to finally, fully address this issue, was thinking about the girls who are entering this business, who ask me for advice, who are seeing this industry through the spectrum that is intensely image-driven and social media-drenched. I think about them often and how to answer the questions they ask me.

A few things come to mind when I think of the female baseball community, particularly bloggers, and that’s the way we rally to fight verbal abuse. Many sites, reporters and bloggers have been taken to task for their readers, and at times, writers, sexually charged comments that to some might seem unimportant or all in good humor. Those comments have crossed the line to bullying and intimidation. While they’re not responsible for all their readers’ mentality, many in the baseball world have asked them to consider their responsibility. It’s fair for all of us who write to be asked that question. In many of those exchanges with male sports fans, they use demeaning language that women are all too familiar with. It can be demoralizing and, at times, frightening.

In the face of extreme behavior, you need all your warriors. We have to stand tough and unapologetic against dudes who are being blatantly misogynistic, using intimidation without fear of consequence. Women in sports know the depth of that misogyny. It’s not new. And when we rally together with humor, intelligence and fearlessness, it makes me proud. I get excited when I see women taking absolutely no sh**. It inspires me to continue to do the same.

When we’re battling those extremists language, how can we possibly turn the spotlight on each other as women? I mean, we can’t right? We talk about our feminism and our solidarity, so there’s no way we’re part of the problem. Right?

I wrote about this a bit earlier this year on the blog, when I stressed the importance of female mentoring. As I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, I didn’t have the benefit of female mentors in baseball. It wasn’t for lack of trying. I reached out to veteran women who cast me aside. I tried to be social and friendly with other women, like the older baseball photographer who wouldn’t respond to me when I chatted or said hello; she was more than friendly with the boys club she seemed happy to be accepted into. Women often judge each other more harshly than men and go to great lengths to wound each other if there’s any sense of perceived female competition, where the prize is literally nothing. I’ve felt the humiliating, infuriating sting of female judgment in this business.

It’s men who’ve played their “macho sh**head games” (thank you ‘Tootsie’), but they haven’t made me feel utterly dejected, sometimes used and betrayed, and very much alone in the baseball community. Women have.

It’s the subtle rejections that have felt powerful in message. Over the years, I’ve developed great relationships with women in the baseball community via Twitter. Some connected when they said they looked up to me, others were women whom I admired and wanted to learn from. Others are fans, passionate, opinionated, fun as hell and whip smart. Many of them have day jobs, but maintain blogs about their favorite team or league. I have a ton of great memories, both on Twitter and in-person with so many of them. On the other hand, I’ve dealt with the cold shoulder and the complete freeze out. It was during discussions about baseball writing by women, and discussions about domestic violence, that I noticed a community of support that, no matter what I did, I got a cool response or was totally ignored. I’ve reached out to women privately or promoted their work, or recommended people follow them, all in the name of feminist solidarity and simply promoting great baseball writing. My other intention was to spotlight women doing it and doing it well. When there wasn’t much response or no reciprocation, I let it slide. It’s social media, not a birthday party with family. I get it and focus instead on valuing those that do connect, while also viewing kindness and support as something that doesn’t need reward. I believe in that completely. But what struck me, what did bother me and start creeping up on my radar was noticing how much they were supporting and promoting each other. That red flag went up, when I considered I might be falling short of what I’ll call the ‘acceptable feminist’. And in this context, the acceptable kind in baseball.

I’ve often listened to women in sports talk about each other in terms of looks and behavior; women who accused other women of flirting, wearing clothes that are too revealing and more. A lot of it I define as personality judgment. That’s a tricky one, but has been easy for me to spot, because I’m extremely friendly, bordering on bubbly. I will freely compliment someone and I’m super crazy good at small talk. I will talk about boring weather patterns and listen to you talk about them with great enthusiasm, even if I don’t feel it. But I’m also cautious, a worrier, and far better communicator on paper (or in a text) then I am in person. I don’t like personal questions and will literally ignore you if you ask me something I don’t like. But overall, when I’m around other women in baseball, I immediately want to reach out, give a welcoming smile, have a chat. Sometimes I ask if someone needs help or if it’s someone who’s been around, I watch them for cues about who to talk to for information and how things are run around the press box, and in dealing with the team. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been my friendly warm self only to be shut down. Many times I’ve sat in a press box that had the one regular female reporter and been completely ignored. I can’t imagine being the veteran resident chick and not saying hello to the new woman. Press boxes are full of men. It’s nice, in my view, to see another female face. You know that scene in ‘Wild’ where Cheryl, played by Reese Witherspoon, meets another woman on the trail and enthusiastically says, “You’re a woman!” It’s what came to mind. We’re out here in our own ‘Wild’.

It’s hard for me to ignore the snobbery in my own experience; how some women in baseball are worthy of notice and support, and others, don’t make the cut. And if your reaction to reading this is that I’m being emotional or paranoid, remember how frustrated we are as feminists when we talk about the layers of sexist language that men often don’t understand. Don’t passively dismiss me.

At this point, I can take it. I’ve done this long enough to handle whatever comes my way. But for girls coming up behind me, I’m telling you, we’re not paying enough attention. What if I was a new writer, fresh to the game, trying to find my confidence by connecting through social media? I want them to be immediate members of the club. I want them to be encouraged and invited, because I know how hard it was for me to build my career and build my confidence without a ton of that support or encouragement. I look back now and it was FU**ING hard.

I see a lot of cliquey-ness; female cliques that seem no different to me than junior high or high school. I’ve seen female baseball writers diminished by female fans, accusatory of their intentions. Over the years I’ve observed typical female competition and judgment spill over into how we view each other as women in sports and sports fans: the sniping about being ‘A REAL fan’. All sexist code for making other girls feel less than. Instead of biting at each other about trendy clothes and boys, women are bullying each other in the context of sports fandom. “I’m a smart, serious girl. You’re a dumb slut,” is now, “I’m a knowledgeable, real sports fan, you’re a dumb slut.”

I didn’t write this as a way to point fingers, because I point that laser at myself too. I’ve seen ways I could improve the discourse and outreach, and I haven’t always succeeded. But I’ll keep on trying. I wrote this more as a clarion call, or maybe as a concerned letter to a friend. It’s not meant to be a takedown. I think I’m asking if we are taking all the time to see each other. To have this thing recognized by other women, because I know many feel it as I have. I love being around the boys, as much as the girls in the press box. I love being in the dugout and listening to teammates talk trash on each other. I love the wildness, the weirdness, the uniqueness of covering baseball. I love talking shop with other baseball writers. Whatever about it changes, let’s never stop having fun loving the game and loving to write about all of its beauty, glory and unpredictability. Everything we love usually has imperfections. I just want to call out those moments in the female gaze in this industry that led me to feel unfit, awkward, embarrassed, and sometimes completely degraded.

I’m aware that this is my personal experience and each of us has our own. I’m sure there are women in this industry who’ve worked around other women, and their relationships are ones they cherish and have gained wisdom from. I wish I’d had more of that. Maybe this is the condition of being both intensely private, and also covering the minor leagues and independent leagues, where there’s a sense that the rest of the baseball world is very separate. Maybe I’ve created a rather tough shell to crack, at least on a personal level. But I was always available as a writer. I was always open, perhaps even searching for connection. I’m grateful for all of the people I’ve connected with through my writing and social media. I realize now how powerful intention and surrender to my better self is, even in the baseball context. I still harbor insecurity or moments where I say or do the wrong thing. Everyone does. But I see myself now. And what I have, I love. What I’ve never quite had in my baseball career, I miss. I know what it is to be able to say, I’ve missed it. But what I really care about here, is that other girls new to the business don’t miss it. We talk about inclusion in sports, but as women we also have to be held accountable for inclusion.So if you’re a woman in baseball, new, sort of new, been around the baseball block a few times, or damn near a million times, just consider this. Just be mindful. Don’t hesitate to reach out, even with a small kind word of encouragement, or just ‘hello’. Hand that new girl today’s lineup, or watch the veteran woman, whom people admire and who seems genuinely kind. When I stood up for women being allowed in the Staten Island Yankees clubhouse in 2013 (yes, 2013), after seeing two girls standing in wait in the dugout, because they’d been told they weren’t permitted to go with the male reporters, it wasn’t easy. I was arguing with a bunch of men and my face was on fire. I was alone in that fight. That wasn’t a moment where I cared whether I was liked or seemed like a nice person. It was a moment where I cared about the treatment of female reporters and getting the job done, which was my right. Having each other’s backs can only strengthen our position in this changing, growing industry.

I’m also to the point of wanting to beg other female reporters not to criticize other women in the industry about dating players and coaches, which comes to mind in light of latest report on Red Sox manager John Farrell and team beat reporter Jessica Moran. I want to say to them, as an act of defiance, ignore all traps male reporters set for you to degrade other women so that you can be the ‘acceptable, respectable’ female sports reporter. Not going to name names here, but a few male reporters were all too delighted to hit Moran for her relationship with Farrell, framing it as her failure as a woman and female sports reporter. When women are backing up your sexist views, your job is so easy. Gee, guy, ya think those female reporters want to rock the boat? The system has been set up for us to fail. Don’t expect them to say anything different when they know how harshly we’re judged. I defiantly reject judging women in this business, because men do it enough. I ain’t buyin’.

I wish suggestions to regard each other without judgment about attention female reporters receive for the length of their skirts or who their relationships are with had impact. I say, recognize her achievements and find what it is about her you admire, and then call on more of that in your own life. Don’t sit around and gossip, just freaking don’t. Stop. I mean it. Do not walk past a female reporter and treat her as I and so many women have been treated, or ignore her reaching out to you when she wants advice or tries to connect on social media. We all come across people we choose not to trust or keep distance from. That’s normal. There are people in this business you aren’t always going have good relationships with. But being open and supportive is so important. It can create big change and impact someone in ways you may not immediately be aware of. I can tell you it matters. And I envision how powerful it could be if we continue to hold each other up, and unite to create more female-run sports websites and other content. Yes, men’s abusive language and continuing sexist language, as well as their advantage must be addressed directly and fought hard. But the female baseball community is as responsible, and their words more meaningful, in the message they send to other female writers.

*We already do deserve respect. And I’m not here to earn the holy blessing of respect of male colleagues doing the same job I am. And that also goes for players, whose opinion of us doesn’t matter. Have you heard some of their opinions of and behavior towards women? So, no, we don’t need to earn or deserve respect like good little girls. We just need to do our job, be ourselves and be happy. To my female colleagues, that’s all that matters and will matter most when all is said and done.

Cale Coshow arrived in Tampa in January, to participate in Captain's Camp, following a watershed 2015 season. The pitching prospect split time between High-A and Double-A, making his debut for the Trenton Thunder, a major proving ground that's sprung many of the best Yankees young talent, including Dellin Betances. Coshow is most focused on improving his changeup and cited former Tampa Yankees pitching coach Tommy Phelps and Trenton Thunder pitching coach Jose Rosado for helping him with consistency with the pitch.

Here's what Coshow, ranked by MLB as the 18th best prospect in the Yankees organization, said from Yankees camp.

"Physically I feel like I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm stronger than I was last season and I really focused on what I eat and my conditioning because instead of throwing into the 5th/6th inning, I want to push it to at least go 7 innings."

"My habits certainly changed this off season, instead of just waking up, working out and relaxing I stayed more active. I would wake up, workout/cardio, then head to work (worked on a tree farm), and then try and get some cardio in after work. I also changed my eating habits and can see the results. I can see the results in how I feel, how I perform on the field and in the weight room."

"Coming in, I knew I had the fastball to compete in the majors, but I needed to really focus on my off speed to become more of a complete pitcher."

"I really haven't spoken to the Yankees often but the plan is simple, go compete everyday and when the time is right I really hope I get that shot at the major leagues at some point this season!"

My off speed has made strides into becoming quality pitches for me. Just have to stick with my personal strengths and compete!

March 04, 2016

I did. It was graphic, gross and a total violation of sports reporter Erin Andrews right to privacy and dignity.

I’m not referring to the video of her nude in a hotel room without her knowledge. No, I’m referring to the one of her in court, taking the stand earlier this week. Andrews is suing the hotel that gave the information about her room to the stalker for $65 million dollars.

Andrews has been a lightning rod for debate about women in sports media. She’s not the only one, though. Female sports reporters have consistently been under the microscope, particularly those on the sideline, for their looks and their clothes, and how those things are connected to the reporter’s sports knowledge. The attention on Andrews has never been about sports or sports knowledge, or about Andrews or any women reporting on sports. It’s always been about our beliefs about women’s sexuality. And for the record, women are just as guilty of this as men.

There’s been an overwhelming effort to assign blame to Andrews for the attention on her and, horrifyingly, on a man stalking and sexually abusing her. But that effort is an extension of every message we send to women in society. Our sexuality is always on trial.

And, likewise, women in sports are always on trial. They can never win the ballgame fair and square because sports are a perceived boys club. Women in their regular lives are subject to intense scrutiny of their every word, action and outfit, and that extends hardcore to women in sports. What consistently frustrates and saddens me is that we aren’t honest. We say that women in sports should be hired on merit, but we aren’t admitting that women have to be given more opportunities to level the playing field. We aren’t the same, men and women. Don’t tell us we have the same shot at a job in sports that any man does, based just on merit. It’s simply untrue.

We aren’t admitting that we judge women on a completely different level than men. Andrews was always going to be watched like a hawk. She’s been stalked for years, by men who waited for her to fall and reduced her to a sex toy. And we were told she’d deserved it because she embraced that attention. Since when do we judge women who embrace their sexuality and are comfortable in their own skin, with their own bodies, and persecute them for it? Since forever.

Don’t take that as merely a condemnation of men. Because it’s been just as spine-tingling creepy and infuriating to read and hear women’s conversations about Andrews, and all women in the sports industry. I was on assignment covering a Phillies game the week the Andrews video broke. Sitting with a few people in the press lunch room, I listened to a conversation about her and the contents of the video. One woman, surrounded by men freely discussing the video, delightedly asked, “I mean, who does naked squats?”

I remember the grin that flashed across the face of one of the men. They didn’t need to say the misogynistic thing, because the woman was. She had such disdain in her voice, a real disgust, and she wasn’t interested in the fact that Andrews was the victim of a crime. The crime was Andrews as a person, a woman, a sports reporter, and what she did naked in private space. I made a comment to one of the men, something to the effect of how people wouldn’t judge her so unfairly if she didn’t look or dress in a way men found sexy. He replied, ‘But she does.’ I watched him for a minute. He was proud of that. I’m a man, I can judge her this way. And a woman is making all my sexist points. Oh, by the way, can we be judged just on merit?

A couple of weeks later, I was back in Citizen’s Bank Park for another assignment. The Andrews story had taken many turns if I recall, with evidence already public, though I can’t recall. People were still talking a lot about the incident and their feelings about it.

I entered the Phillies dugout from the field, after leaving the visiting side, and sat on the bench. As I reviewed my notes, that guy approached me. Standing over me, he chatted casually for a minute, but quickly got to why he’d walked over to me.

“You know”, he said, “Your looks and clothes make it hard for you to be taken seriously. You’d be taken more seriously if you dressed differently.” He made the point, when I asked, that my clothes, and what I had on that day, was really sexy. He motioned to my body, as if I didn’t know what I had worn that day.I was quieted, panicking. I looked around to see if anyone else was nearby and hearing this.

I tried to be polite (POLITE!) in the face of this harassment, hoping he was done. He wasn’t.

He went on to tell me that Phillies staff had made negative remarks about me, including women I knew, then said that when I walked in the clubhouse Phillies players had made comments, with one saying I was obviously there to sexually serve them. I looked over his shoulder, my panic rising. I saw a female employee of the team who looked at me for a moment. I wanted to telegraph to her some sort of signal that I would like to be rescued from whatever this was.

He still wasn’t done! He had a big finish planned.

“If you’re not careful,” he said ominously, “you’ll be next. You’ll wind up just like her, and you know who I’m talking about.”

In that moment, he’d deemed Andrews guilty of the crime committed against her. And, well, he’d tried to warn me that a crime would be committed against me too, if I wasn’t careful. If anything similar happened to me, it would be my fault. I’d been warned. I was already guilty of what team people and players (Players? Really?) had supposedly said about me. Andrews appearance, and in his assessment, mine were to blame for sexual crimes, sexual harassment and judgment.

He moved on, I can’t remember if I said anything else. But I got up, went to the press box, packed my laptop and purse with shaking hands, and left. I put that behind me, talking about the incident privately a few times, but I let it go. I don’t know if it’s because I felt helpless or that it was pointless to fight, but I do know that part of it was believing him. I let him get in my head and make me feel I was at fault for the shaming of my body, my clothes, and, in his opinion, I deserved no right to dignity or even safety. That day, and my experience is just one of many where the attitude toward women, and women in sports media, slapped us in the face with unforgiving force. I wanted to ask any of those people, the guy who harassed me with weirdly veiled threats, and the woman who questioned Andrews private habit: “Why aren’t any of you talking about this the way it should be?” Why weren’t you saying, ‘I can’t believe she was filmed naked, just going about her business doing squats or whatever she wants to do, in private?’ Why didn’t that guy tell me that he’d heard derogatory comments about me and he defended me, or walked away from it, and that he was sorry people treated women that way? Sports like, any male-dominated industry, benefits from the continued disrespect and fiery judgments of women based on their sexual identity. That woman benefitted from it, because slots. We have very few. And that boys’ club is what we’re expected to break through and fit into. We can only fit in, with men like that, if we too destroy other women. As for that guy’s comments, I don’t care what players say, because those aren’t the people I look to for wisdom about women or myself. And if any employee did say anything about my outfit or looks, I’d place a bet they didn’t say I deserved some sort of sexual violation because of it. I don’t even fully believe anyone ever said anything. But it doesn’t matter. It was his horrific comments from his own mentality, that had impact. Those men are never expected to be ashamed, but we should be for any number of perceived female sins. Athletes can beat women and sexually assault them, as they have for years, and continue to play a sport and get paid for it. Only in the last couple of years have the NFL and MLB stepped up to make changes. And that was only after enough terrible things happened and the public via social media forced them to.

It’s that same message that we get as women in sports. We’re held to a different standard. We’re told that if we speak, dress and look differently, and don’t entice, we’ll be accepted. We won’t be harmed. Be a good girl. Adhere to the athlete/sports media code of ethics by those with no ethics at all.

In a Twitter debate with sports reporter Howard Eskin, after Andrews announced her intent to sue for damages, I argued with him about comments he’d made, and, in response he tweeted, “I know it’s a crime. Know it’s disgraceful. But that video [made] Erin Andrews LOTS of money. (caps his) …because otherwise she was a nobody. Sorry”

At the time of the video, Andrews was already famous. So that argument falls apart like dust in the wind. Eskin believed there was a crime, but the fact that a woman would continue to have success, or receive financial restitution from the crime perpetrated against her, was a game-changer.

Again, our attitude about women is magnified. Society dictates that there are women who deserve the blame for their own sexual assaults. And in sports, those rules are far less nuanced and far more vulgar. Men will say just about anything, straight up, about women in sports media and think it’s acceptable, because it’s sports and this is a man’s world, so go somewhere else with your sensitive ovaries.

A sports fan tweeted a response to Andrews lawsuit, saying that her being a “sex object” made her argument impossible. Essentially: she deserved nothing, but what she got in that hotel room. Eskin’s argument was exactly the same, just worded a little better.

The objectification of her or any woman in sports media is your decision as an adult male or female. If you can’t find ways of responding to women reporting on sports without sexualizing them, you have no one to blame but yourself. A woman, whether posing in a bikini, wearing a dress you find sexy, or standing in a turtleneck on the sidelines isn’t an object that belongs to you. Own your obsession, your fascination, your utter inability to separate the good girls from the bad girls, the smart girls who deserve respect from the girls who are merely for sexual admiration and use.

Why was Eskin never held accountable? Why wasn’t he fired, like a man who’d violated a code of ethics or had made misogynistic remarks about a colleague? Why? Because this is sports; where men are presented in slo-mo crossing the 50 yard line or hitting a home run to the sound of trumpets in game highlights, and what they do to women isn’t part of the equation when considering who’s a hero. Because men in sports, whether they’re reporters or athletes or coaches, can do those things and there’s no consequence. Fans have gained power with social media. Men can anonymously and verbally assault, without fear.

It’s not Erin Andrews or female sports reporters that created this monster; it’s people who continue to shame women based on their appearance and sex lives. It’s people who continue to view women in sports media as disposable commodities that fill slots in the sports department for the appearance of diversity; it’s us, who look at each other and think, ‘Does she look better than me? Do the guys respect her? Because I want them to respect me even though I don’t respect them or like them at all.’ It’s sports editors that still get an F in the hiring of women in the annual University of Central Florida Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sports. They literally fail at a thing that is about ethics.

And yet it’s us who are made to feel we have something to answer for.

Andrews ordeal was far from over, and what she’s endured the past few years on social media is unimaginable. I remember when she made a mistake covering a football game and she began trending. I read the comments. And it was a few from women that blew my mind. How they always knew that she was incompetent and that she was an embarrassment to women who ACTUALLY knew sports. Please spare me this re-heated nonsense that men have been trying to prove in one way or another about women in a million different ways. Stop perpetuating myths men want us to believe about each other.

A Poynter story published yesterday on a sports panel that gathered at the Medill School of Journalism, discussed the state of women in sports media. Former FOX Sports sideline reporter Pam Oliver was part of it, and spoke about her career and dispensed advice to students. Oliver was famously the victim of a potent mixture of ageism and sexism on the part of FOX Sports, where only one woman can win and she has to be on the younger side of a lifetime. It was Andrews who replaced her.

Oliver commented on women entering sports journalism, saying, “It’s a small club of women who put journalism first. They’re not in it to be celebrities or big on Twitter. You can tell when someone is putting in the hours to get to know the players and coaches beyond just using your looks, or you know, your assets.”

I respect Oliver like anyone with a brain or love of sports. But those comments bothered me. That thinking can lead to unfair judgment. Because then we can still go on insinuating that women who are considered attractive are not serious journalists, chasing celebrity and aren’t in sports based on merit or real desire to be good at the job. That’s what that creep said in so many words to me that day a few years ago. That’s the exact kind thinking male reporters and fans love hearing. They want validation that their sexist thinking has merit. Because how do we decide? Is there a litmus test? If you are popular on Twitter, that means you are pursuing celebrity? Nichols, who also spoke that day is also highly popular on Twitter; so is Oliver. And it doesn’t seem to me that they pursued anything but greatness in their profession.

Our response to women in sports media continues to be our response in society: what has she done to deserve an assault, violence, blatant and subtle sexism, being filmed by a stranger while undressing, comments about her body, her clothes, her voice, her walk, her every word, move, gesture, and decision? How is she guilty, they want to know? How is Erin Andrews guilty? Is she a serious journalist? At one point is she considered serious? When she too is older? When men don’t talk about her like a sex object? When she’s worked another ten or fifteen years?

It isn’t when women in sports media change or when Andrews changes. It’s when will you?

I hope women in 10, 20 years will give the same honor, the same respect, to Erin Andrews that Oliver, Nichols and Christine Brennan got that day. Because she deserves it. All this other stuff that’s been done to her? She never deserved. Things will never change, society, sports, journalism, none of it will change if we don’t.