Debate the Spy (Movie)

So, the Spy Update is complete (although they never revealed his 3rd kit upgrade, unless it IS the portable Baccarat detector), and already there is some fun debate over a tiny tidbit in the short.

First off, this is super spoiler laden, so if you haven’t watch it yet, go see it in HD here. Take plenty of time to enjoy the text gags (there’s a few in the big blue board, the bell ringing, the dossier folder, just keep looking).

Awesome, right? Okay then, let’s move on.

At the end of the piece, Red Spy picks up the photo of Scout’s Mom, and says what sounds like:

“Ah, ma petite chou-fleur.”

This, literally translated, means:

“Ah, my little cauliflower.”

While folks might find this hilarious, consider that the majority of French expressions are founded in agriculture. Thier version of “Oh my god!” is actually “Oh la vache!” which literally translates to mean “Oh the cow!” (If it was not literally translated we’d probably say it meant “Holy Cow!”). So, this is absolutely an honest term of endearement on the behalf of the Red Spy.

Now, some folks on the internet who are horrible at translating and probably used Google Translator or Altavista (Babblefish) think he’s saying

“Ah, ma petite chaude fleur.”

This would translate to something more shocking, and perhaps validate some folks’ thoughts on the Pyro being a female, because, again, literally translated, this means

“Ah, my little hot flower.”

Oh HO you say! Except for a small problem: There’s this rule in French grammar called the BANGS rule. It stands for “Beauty Age Number Goodness Size.” Any adjective or descriptor that meets the BANGS rule must come before the noun in the sentence. So, if the Red Spy is truly French and wanted to say “Ah, my little hot flower,” he would have said:

“Ah, ma petite fleur chaude.”

This is a proper diagram of the intended sentence “Ah, my little hot flower.” The reason chau comes before flower in the cauliflower sentence is because it’s a hyphenated noun, so it’s all the same word. Petite still comes in front because it fits the “Small” qualifier in the BANGS rule.

So sorry folks, the Spy was not referring to Scout’s Mom as “hot.” Logic, however, says that this does not disqualify Scout’s Mom from being the Blue Pyro. Especially since she wasn’t visible in this video, and we haven’t “met” herhim them yet.

If you want real proof that the Scout’s Mom is the Pyro, assuming Valve would leave any real evidence of that in the piece, you’d probably have to comb the images pretty hard. In fact, if you look at the pictures in the dossier closely, you can kinda make out that ZOMG IS SCOUT’S MOM CARRYING THE PYRO’S PURSE!!!!!!

It’s the correct shape to be the Pyro’s clutch purse, maybe?

Also seen here in the first images that slide out of the dossier:

Okay wait maybe that’s not the Pyro’s purse. Pyro’s purse is rounded on the corners, is color tinted to her team (blue-ish in this case), and has a big pink flower on it.

Nevermind, nothing to see here, carry on, evidence is definitive: Scout’s Mom is NOT the Pyro.

I bet you never expected you’d get a French grammar lesson here, did you?