Kathryn Rem: Some truly scary recipes

Monday

Oct 29, 2007 at 12:01 AMOct 29, 2007 at 6:38 PM

Since it’s Halloween, I thought I’d write about something really scary: bad recipes. During the year, I save up the odd, incongruent and just plain goofy recipes that cross my desk. Most come from food companies and associations eager to promote new uses for their products. That’s how I found out about the sauerkraut martini.

During the year, I save up the odd, incongruent and just plain goofy recipes that cross my desk. Most come from food companies and associations eager to promote new uses for their products.

That’s how I found out about the sauerkraut martini.

The Fremont Company, which produces and distributes sauerkraut, sent me a news release touting the National Sexy Sauerkraut Campaign. The release explained that the company developed a marketing plan to “re-brand kraut and make it appealing and ‘hip’ to a younger generation.”

So the Fremont Company created the K’Tini, a martini garnished with a vermouth-infused olive stuffed with sauerkraut. The company claims it’s a hit in “upscale urban bars and restaurants.”

Perhaps young hipsters can drink it with the wiener schnitzel and potato pancakes they order at chic urban bistros.

From Cheez Whiz comes a recipe called Golden Primavera. The primavera — a blend of chopped fresh broccoli, zucchini, yellow squash and red pepper strips — sounds delicious as well as healthful. But then the recipe calls for the vegetables to be mixed with cooked spaghetti and drenched in warmed Cheez Whiz. Perhaps the last step can be deleted.

The Popcorn Board is particularly creative when it comes to inserting its product into everyday foods. Example: a shortbread bar topped with strawberry preserves and drizzled with chocolate. Sounds tasty, except for the part that says the bars should be topped with popped popcorn.

Another Popcorn Board recipe, for Popcorn Party Pizza, calls for a crust made of popcorn and melted marshmallows. The treacley pie is topped with fruit roll-ups, jelly beans, coconut and M&M’s. Perhaps it would go well with a chilled glass of corn syrup.

In an attempt to appeal to Halloween partiers, the publicity machine at Mrs. T’s, maker of Polish pierogi dumplings, suggested creating a kid-friendly “spider.” A photo shows the half-moon-shaped pierogi playing the spider on a plate. Its legs are made of green beans, and the web is drawn with cheese sauce. Trick or treat!

From Nestle comes a recipe for Peanut Butter Cheese Ball. It’s a ball made of cream cheese, powdered sugar, peanut butter and brown sugar, and rolled in chocolate chips. Sweet.

Some food companies use celebrities to sell their products. Jell-O claims that the elegant British actress Jane Seymour (“Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman” and “Dancing With the Stars”) makes sure that Jell-O salads “take a place of honor” on her holiday dinner table. Specifically, according to the company, Seymour likes to wow her guests with lime Jell-O.

Publicists often go to extremes to draw attention to their clients. My favorite claim is from Riviana Foods, maker of Mahama, S&W and Success rice. The company’s headline on a news release — crowing about the growing popularity of whole grains — demonstrates a refreshing sense of humor. It reads, “Brown rice: It’s not just for hippies anymore.”

State Journal-Register food editor Kathryn Rem can be reached at kathryn.rem@sj-r.com.