The making of this video is going to be the hardest due to circunstances:

In one hand, I'm lacking free time to make what it's pendingIn other hand, tomorrow I'll receive 53 patients that will be in my area, without additional doctors and nurses, and just me and 5 nurses, without medical students. To make the situation more special, I can't change the area. Normally I'm not stressed for situations like that, but this area is really troublesome

TritioAFB wrote:The making of this video is going to be the hardest due to circunstances:

In one hand, I'm lacking free time to make what it's pendingIn other hand, tomorrow I'll receive 53 patients that will be in my area, without additional doctors and nurses, and just me and 5 nurses, without medical students. To make the situation more special, I can't change the area. Normally I'm not stressed for situations like that, but this area is really troublesome

I want Japanese citizenship. I do not want to lose my US citizenship. Under current Japanese immigration policy, this impossible. There are signs it may change, but not for at least ten to twenty years, and that presumes the almighty Yen speaks louder than Japanese ethnocentrism. I think it eventually will, but not long enough to prevent me from going totally fucking batshit insane.

I have no interest in moving back to the United States. Other than perhaps Austin and Atlanta, there are no places in the United States I like living in. Neither Austin nor Atlanta are home, they never felt like home, but at least I had friends that meant a lot to me, and I had political activism which helped me turn America into (in my view) a better society. My attachment to the United States comes from a deep, visceral, and promised defense of the ideals enshrined in the Constitution. I love the concept of America, perhaps not so much of what it is, but the eternal promise of what it could be. Much in the same way, I love the concept of Texas and its Constitution and history as a Republic. Yet, I never want to live there full time ever again. I love America, in ways which are simply hard to explain in words, but it isn't my home. Looking back at my frequent moves as a child and adolescent, never getting attached to the idea that any particular place was home, it makes total sense that I would not have a sense of loyalty to America as a geographic home, but rather I have a sense of loyalty to America as an idea.

My attachment to Japan is the opposite. I have seriously deep issues with the unwritten Japanese Constitution, the kokutai, the structure of the Japanese nation state. There are many institutionalised forms of discrimination, xenophobia, and outright bigotry that come from a terribly misguided sense of ethnocentricity. It's not all bad, because it has helped produce a society where social justice issues are, at least for ethnic Japanese, typically very good. There's nearly no crime, there's nearly no homelessness (we have some), nearly no hunger (we have some), and children are often not left unadopted because of extended familial obligation. In fact, adoption outside of families is both rare and very hard. We have a healthcare system that works, as long as there are enough taxpayers to pay into the system, likewise unemployment, welfare, and social security. But more than that, I love the physical nature of Japan. Its sights (and sites), its sounds, its smells, I love Japan as a place in a way which isn't true of America.

Japan is my home, and I've tried to put that aside because of the practical limitations of being a non-citizen in Japan and because of the looming fiscal crisis which Japan will have to face in the decades to come, but at the end of the day, I can't. Japan probably doesn't deserve my love or my loyalty, but it has both anyway. There is no current resolution to this problem, and even acquiring citizenship would not fix some of the serious, serious issues which come from Japanese ideas of ethnocentricity, but it would be a start.

Too loyal to America to give up US citizenship, too loyal to Japan to leave. I'm in quasi-state of existence, and it's slowly grinding away at me.

I'm just so exhausted lately, I don't know what I'm doing. I feel just all stressed. Deadlines seem to be everywhere and I really hate being late for anything and I hate being unprepared. So I have TTT, TGS, Akross and 2 MEPs to do right now, today I got 3 new pieces in my piano lessons to learn during those next 2 weeks. A few days ago there was a convention where I had some things to prepare (in the end I wasn't prepared too well, it turned out pretty ok though) and you can't imagine how much I regret that I've spent most of my time editing for TGS (cause I didn't know the deadline was extended and I had to start my part from the very beginning cause my comp got virused and was being serviced) and being shy. I could have get to know better those awesome people I talk so much with through the net. DAMMIT, I'VE MET MY FAVOURITE EDITOR I THE WORLD, SPENT ALMOST 2 DAYS WITH HIM IN ONE ROOM AND ALMOST HAVEN'T TALKED TO HIM AT ALL. I'm so mad with myself now, I feel I totally wasted it. + I'm doing my best to keep my grades as high as they've always been which isn't this easy anymore and I keep getting ill which makes me waste my time in bed. And it's all kinda my own fault and it's just me who should deal with it, I also don't want to trouble people with my problems which I've been doing anyway. And so I'm feeling kinda pathetic venting here. Just, damn, I need to get hold of myself finally.

I'm going to get a bit theoretical and "wonky" here, but bear with me. Remember, government, both American and Japanese, is my area of graduate research.

The issue immigrants to Japan are dealing with is one of identity and the question is, "who is a member of society?" There are many facets of personal identity, including gender, sex, class, religion, educational background, and personal hobbies, but in terms of the aforementioned question, there are three we need to consider: ethnicity, nationality, citizenship.

In common parlance, we often equate nation with state as synonyms for country. We also sometimes talk about ethnic groups as being a nation. And these are just the English terms. Let me assure you, the Japanese terms are just as confusing for country or state, you have "koku" 国, for nation you have "tami" 民, and perhaps that's closer to the political science term. Then there's 民族集団 which is ethnic group, and you will notice it has "tami" as its root. So let's try to clarify which each of these things are... and do so in reverse:

Citizenship is having full legal rights as a member of a state. All states are nations, some states are nations and ethnic groups, but not all nations and not all ethnic groups have states. States have functioning governments and are generally (but not always) recognised as having such by other states. The United States of America and Japan both have internationally recognised functioning governments. They are states.

Nationality is having a recognisable membership or association with a group which has enough internal cohesion to be defined as an independent culture or civilisation. This includes aspects of language, religion, traditions and customs, philosophy, and shared sense of narrative, both historical (actual events) and fictional (shared stories). The United States and Japan are both nations. In addition, the United States is a nation OF nations. The Cherokee Nation, as an example, is a nation, but it is not a state, without getting into my feelings on the matter, the Cherokee Nation and other Native American nations are considered "ward nations of the American state." Another example would be Kurdistan. Kurdistan has "borders" in three different countries. Those countries are states, but Kurdistan is not a state. Nations often have physical areas associated with them, but they do not have to. National diasporas (such as the Jewish diaspora prior to the creation of the state of Israel) are still nations as long they retain enough internal cohesion.

This word is further complicated by the fact that in the United States we have terms like, "US nationals" and "foreign nationals." Foreign nationals is easy enough, it means anyone who isn't legally an American. "US nationals," however has a very specific meaning: someone who may or may not be an American citizen, but would be entitled to citizenship if certain qualifications are met. The best example of US nationals are those individuals living in "Free Associated States" like Saipan or the Marianas. They are US nationals, but they are NOT US citizens unless they move to the mainland US and request citizenship. They have limited tax liability and almost full legal autonomy. All US citizens are US nationals, but not all US nationals are US citizens. Under very rare circumstances, US citizens may be stripped of their citizenship and yet still remain US nationals. Some argue given the permanent consequences of a felony conviction, felons become a sort of quasi-citizen which operates much like being a "US national." These people are not considered stateless. This is a legal distinction and really has no bearing on the idea of nation as members of an internally cohesive culture. And not one which concerns our discussion of my views of Japan (but is very interesting!).

Finally, ethnicity is a combination of racial, physical, and cultural characteristics which identifies what a person's national origin is. National origin should not be confused with current nationality. Going back to the example of the Cherokee Nation, let's consider the descendants of Cherokee leader John Ross. John Ross was 7/8ths Scottish, only 1/8th Cherokee. His family's national origin was primarily Scottish. His family's nationality was (and still is), Cherokee. His family's citizenship was American (after the move to Oklahoma, and up to the present). Even today, the ethnicity of Ross's descendants is still primarily Scottish, their nationality is still Cherokee (and American), and they have United States citizenship.

So how does this apply to me?

My ethnicity is Irish. Both sides of my family come from the same area of Ireland. In fact, my mother's family actually took the land in County Cork from my father's family during the early part of the English occupation. We have lots of documentation. I can trace my family back to 1492. Ethnicity and national origin are very clear and unmuddled for me, as compared to many other Americans. I have an affinity for Ireland, but only in the most abstract of ways. I have never been there, and while I'll call myself "Irish-American" in terms of ethnicity, I am not Irish and have no wish to be Irish nor claim I am Irish. Despite the Irish Diaspora, I do not claim membership in the Irish nation.

I am a citizen of the United States. I am a recognised member of the American state with full legal rights. I obtained these by birth, and then later by reaching the age of majority. In addition, I have personally sworn an oath to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States which is what establishes the American state and enumerates those legal rights. I not only obtained US citizenship involuntarily, in my mind, I later accepted it voluntarily as a consenting adult with no mental reservation or purpose of evasion. This is why I feel I both cannot and will not give up my US citizenship.

Nationality is where we run into my conflict. I am certainly a member of the American nation. I speak American English, I'm an identifiably American Roman Catholic, I celebrate certain American customs, traditions, and holidays even when outside of the United States, my political philosophy is pretty much built on the ideas which went into the Constitution, and I understand and am part of a shared narrative with both historical and fictional elements. I couldn't stop being an American even if I lost my US citizenship. My experiences preclude it. However, part of being an American is also recognising that the American nation is not an exclusive nation. One of our shared narratives is the fact that members of the American nation may be members of other nations, and that's not only tolerated, but an inherent part of being a member of the American nation. You need not give up another nationality to become American, and if you are born an American, you need not stop being an American to take on another nationality.

I am, or in the process of becoming, a member of the Japanese nation, by my own understanding of what constitutes nation. In this case, "tami" or 民. Just as I can never stop being an American, I will always demonstrate some level of Japanese assimilation. I'll never be purely just a member of the American nation. Even if I left Japan right now, I have spent too much time speaking Japanese (and thinking in, and dreaming in Japanese), participating in Shinto and Buddhist religious services as a part of daily life, celebrating Japanese holidays, customs, and traditions even when outside of Japan, largely accepting Japanese views of social justice issues and civic duty which I apply to my overall political views, and learning about and communicating in a shared sense of narrative in Japan to ever "leave Japan behind."

And it is this definition of nationality which challenges Japanese understandings of nationality as inherently requiring identical ethnicity, one which my Americanness finds fundamentally flawed. And it isn't conscious. Most Japanese never even stop and think about it. It's part of the shared narrative, but no one says shared narratives need remain unchanged; in fact, one would argue that how internal cohesiveness is maintained in spite of changes in the shared narrative shows the true strength of a nation. It's slowly changing because of the amount of children being born in Japan with one non-Japanese parent, but resistance to the idea of Japaneseness without Yamato ethnic background at all is still pretty pervasive.

All that said, I've begun to address anyone who calls me a foreigner with:

私は外国人ではありません。私は日本住民です。I am not a foreigner. I am a Japanese resident.

Whether many ethnic Japanese cannot (or will not) conceptualise the idea of Japan being my home, the place I am now from or not, that doesn't change the truth of that fact. And how can anyone ever be a foreigner in their own home? I assert that such is a philosophical oxymoron.

I interviewed for a part time job a few weeks ago. This was for a position that a former co-worker of mine was in and has since left, which is why it was open. I was given a good review by said co-worker and I thought the interview went really well. I was told I would hear back from them in a few weeks. I have not heard back yet.

Since then, a position has opened up at the county dispatch center for a specialist and one of my coworkers is leaving for another, higher paying, job, thus creating an opening (another specialist position). Both positions my boss will be on the interview panel for (good for me). My personal preference would be to work where I am, taking my coworker's position. I don't have a 100% guarantee of that. Nor do I have any guarantee of getting the position at dispatch. I still have hope that the part time job I interviewed for is still open and I will get the call shortly but my chances of getting one of the other ones are still pretty good also.

My predicament is that should I take the part time job, if they do indeed call me and offer it to me, knowing that I may end up leaving in a month or two if I get hired full time where I am. Should I disclose that I am applying for other full time positions? Is there a way I can disclose it but also remain loyal and faithful to a potentially new employer in case it doesn't work out with the other positions?

I'd hate to be that guy but i also don't really want to get screwed out of a good opportunity if by chance I do not get hired full time where I am. And I really do think this could be a good opportunity for me, if I had no other options that is. This would be a lot easier if I knew 100% for sure where I would be going (if anywhere).

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I interviewed for a part time job a few weeks ago. This was for a position that a former co-worker of mine was in and has since left, which is why it was open. I was given a good review by said co-worker and I thought the interview went really well. I was told I would hear back from them in a few weeks. I have not heard back yet.

Since then, a position has opened up at the county dispatch center for a specialist and one of my coworkers is leaving for another, higher paying, job, thus creating an opening (another specialist position). Both positions my boss will be on the interview panel for (good for me). My personal preference would be to work where I am, taking my coworker's position. I don't have a 100% guarantee of that. Nor do I have any guarantee of getting the position at dispatch. I still have hope that the part time job I interviewed for is still open and I will get the call shortly but my chances of getting one of the other ones are still pretty good also.

My predicament is that should I take the part time job, if they do indeed call me and offer it to me, knowing that I may end up leaving in a month or two if I get hired full time where I am. Should I disclose that I am applying for other full time positions? Is there a way I can disclose it but also remain loyal and faithful to a potentially new employer in case it doesn't work out with the other positions?

I'd hate to be that guy but i also don't really want to get screwed out of a good opportunity if by chance I do not get hired full time where I am. And I really do think this could be a good opportunity for me, if I had no other options that is. This would be a lot easier if I knew 100% for sure where I would be going (if anywhere).

If you get it, great go ahead and take it. If you get offered the full-time job and you want it take it.You probably shouldn't disclose that you're applying for the full-time in case you don't get it. But if you do and you want to take it, just be gracious with the place. Say hey, I was applying for this when I applied to join your team, as it happens this position matches my life goals (or something blah blah) and I've decided to move on. No one is going to begrudge you for that.

If anything, it would be fast enough, that they'd still have a good roster of who could replace you with from doing the earlier hiring process if it comes to it.

I owe my job to my editor in chief. He really went to bat for us. Three departments similar to mine got completely wiped out. I can't really talk about what's going to happen. But the basic is that I still have my job (yay), might get promoted (err yay), but my life and schedule will suck until about mid-January =/

I agree with Soldier, do not disclose that you are looking elsewhere, it's TMI and information that you absolutely do not want someone to be weighing when considering whether you're right for the job. You had nothing to do with the timing of the part-time positioning opening up coinciding with that other, full-time position - it's just an unfortunate situation and I'm sure a lot of people would understand.

Er hem. ::adjusts glasses:: So the reason I came here...

****RRRAAAAAAAGEEEEE**** Do you know how bad an idea it is to tick off a redhead? REAL BADDDDDD. I do not get mad often, but when I do I think even a blind and deaf person would know from 10' away that someone's ready to blow up. I can't even adequately describe the situation, since I've learned from experience that it's very easy to track me down here and find out what I've been posting. I swear, as much as people spill their guts on the Internet, there is still nothing like scrawling your fury into a good 'ole paper notebook no one else is ever going to read once you burn it.

If there is one type of person I detest to the bottom of my being more than any other, it's arrogant people who have waaaayyy too high an opinion of themselves. Worse still is when such people also go through life refusing to admit when they are wrong, that just MAYBE it's not an insult if someone doesn't agree with their every utterance, that oh - I don't know - maybe they should at least outwardly show respect for their fellow man (or woman, in this case) regardless of how their personal opinion stands...particularly if that other person has every right to that respect and REFRAINS IN AN ADULT MANNER FROM TELLING THEM THEY DON'T APPRECIATE THE ATTITUDE.

*slugs brandy* *yells garbled epithets*

Of course I come home from work tonight and my dog is not waiting in the yard for me. Normally this isn't worth more than mild concern, but since it's dark out and about freezing, and normally her corgi self is right there when I open my car door....yes, rage subsides as I go on the search for the missing pooch. Neighbor #1 hasn't seen her, she's not coming or barking when I call - did a coyote get her? A cougar? Bear? (I live kind of out in the woods). Call some more, no barking like she normally does when she gets stuck somewhere....like in a neighbor's house (she sneaks into people's houses without being invited). Knock on neighbor #2's door...nope, he hasn't seen her – oh wait, there she is! *wag wag with corgi stump tail* She was hiding under his end table all afternoon while he was watching a movie, completely unaware that she was in the same room with him! ARGHHH!! DOGGGGGG!!!

*hugs dog* Makes me calm down a bit and acknowledge that there are worth things in life than being extremely, rudely addressed and dismissed by a coworker during a meeting, in front of both of my managers, which they have done in private to an even more outrageous degree and which I have reported to them, and received the directive to deal with it myself until it happens again, and then they'll step in. WELP, it happened again, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM...let's see if they step in. I rather doubt it.

***RRRAAAAAAGGGEEE***

And another thing, thank goodness I never stay spitting mad for more than 12 hours, because otherwise I'd have to lock myself in a closet for week to keep from murdering people!!!!

I went to an employee's only book sale at my workplace earlier, because I like cheap books and the proceeds are going to charity. I was running late and only got there about 15 minutes before they closed, so I didn't have cash on me, and only had to time to pick out three books that I thought I might like. Each book was a dollar, and I went to pay by check and the lady makes a semi-snide comment about a $3 check. Why would you do that? I didn't have to come in on my first day off in six days to buy books I don't necessarily want or need. You're the one asking for help, don't be snotty about how much money I pay or how.