Monday, 24 June 2013

And I will pretend that I have the better
That mine is pristine, without blemish
That it is imperfectly perfect and woven
To the greatest of ideals
That in this you are always beautiful
Always in love, always loved
Without faults, except for those
That endear you even further.
Like tears, and fears.

And I will pretend that he has the worse
That with every kiss, he feels the sour
Of dissatisfaction, the tremble of
Of lonely longing,
That every time he holds you near,
He observes the graying of your hair
And the hand he holds feel feverish
Wrought with worries he cannot comprehend.

And I will pretend that I do not wish
These little inconveniences that appear
Like lines on an old, solid wall
Built by the years of enduring and loving.

And I will pretend to laugh
For you will have your lover
And I will have my memories.

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Keep your heart to yourself
Listen,
Keep your heart to yourself.
Mend it, tend to it
Fit the pieces back to where they fit
Let it find its rhythm back
And beat again in harmony to life
Let it shine.
Treat it better than you would a toy
So it would not be played with.
Keep it in your chest of valuables
It is the most precious thing you own
Keep it warm and forgetful and true.
Care for it.
And should you find mine,
Please care for her too.

Friday, 15 February 2013

There’s this mentally retarded woman
that comes to our house. She lives alone and she frequently does not have
anything to eat and so she’d come over and my Mom would understand exactly why.
She would give her food and her old clothes, shoes, bags etc. Now this woman
once had a family; a husband and children but they all died in a horrible
accident at Dam Site where they all drowned. She’s never been the same ever
since. She stopped making sense and would just say the most random things. Since
a couple of years back though, she’s been better in the sense that you can converse with her almost like a normal person. This started apparently with the
coming of a man into her life. She says his name is Bah Duh and that he drives
a taxi. We have never seen this man but every time she comes to our shop or
house, the first thing she would say is that she’s been looking or waiting for
Bah Duh. She claims that he bought her food and other things and that he told
her to meet him somewhere but he didn’t come. We didn’t know exactly what to
make of all this. At first we thought that there is some callous man playing a
cruel joke on her, probably having a good laugh out of it with friends. Now, we
doubt if he even exists. People all same the same thing about her; that she’s
always out somewhere all over the city looking for Bah Duh but no one has ever
seen this man. Wanda, in all her naïve bluntness, once asked her straight if he
existed. The poor woman got up and left the shop and disappeared for a week. Late
one night, we heard a knock on our door and there she stood with her best
smile. My mom was so relieved to see her and ushered her in. Asking her where
she had been, she simply replied, “With Bah Duh.” We offered her food to which she declined politely
(she’s always very polite) but when my Mom insisted, she sat down to eat. She ate
like someone who hadn’t eaten a long time.

Last night, as I was coming
home at around 10, I saw her standing out in the street in our locality. She was
standing near Top Saw, the place where people without parking places in their
house would park their cars for the night. I stopped to ask her what she was
doing there and she said that she was waiting for Bah Duh. I drove on a little
ahead and stopped. I parked my bike near a shop to get some cigarettes for the
night. Having bought them, I decided to have one right there and waited. I wanted
to see this elusive Bah Duh I do not know whether she knew I was there watching
or not. I made no great attempts to hide either but she never looked at me even
once. She just stared into empty space and then turned expectantly at every car
that came through. It struck me, the sheer madness of it and I prayed he’d
come. Even if he were just a callous man playing a cruel joke on her, I prayed
he’d come. I watched, transfixed, as she, God knows how long she’s been standing
there, in the cold, almost motionless, waited for him to come. After almost an
hour she moved and walked away in her usual quick, brisk manner towards our
house. She passed by me without looking or saying a word. So, I went to my
bike, straightened it and I followed her. Just then I saw my friend’s nephew. A
young boy around 16 years old and he was walking with this girl tightly held
around his arm. Startled and embarrassed to suddenly see me, he stammered, “Kumno
Bah Lal?.”…..and then added cheekily, ”Happy Valentine’s Day.” Bastard.

Monday, 4 February 2013

Reaching the edge of the rock
she beckons me
Saying ''Come sit with me and sing''
Would they hear I ask
''I don't know'' she says
To what purpose then I ask
''I don't know'' she replies
''But come sit. We'll drown out this emptiness
and pretend that echoes are answers''

So in the still of the night
There by the side
of a mountain,
There we sat
Singing songs of lovers
In a strange land

She lifts her voice
to the lilt of a soft breeze
The cliffs sway to the nuances
Of notes that rise and fall
in a dirge of bitter reverie
Every word she punctuates with the deepest longing
Every strain she thrusts with the urgency of living
(or is it death?)
Calling him home
Come back to where you belong

Till her voice starts to tire,
She turns to me
With eyes pleading through a film of water
Begging to not let the silence take over
The killing silence that surrounds threateningly.

So I raise a stammering voice
To the odour of pollinating flowers
Of cherry blossoms blooming
from a melancholic cherry tree.

Dispersed into the unsure wind she smiles
''Let it fall all over, all apart, near and far
Let it reach them anywhere,
anywhere they are''

Closer and closer to the edge
She dances wildly
But always, before she falls over
Dawn breaks and I ask her
Would they hear
''I don't know'' she says
''But it's better than the emptiness
and we'll pretend that echoes are answers''

So in the still of the night
There by the side
of a mountain
There we sit
Singing songs of lovers
In a strange land.