I can’t remember if I said yes or no

Posted on: October 22nd, 2017

I feel really embarrassed posting this, because this story is different than a lot of stories on here. But I had been going on dates with this guy and staying at his parents house and solely just falling asleep together, nothing sexual. I told him I only sleep with someone if I am in a relationship with them NUMEROUS times, and he seemed to be ok with it. I had never really partied heavily before and one night we went to a party together and I got extremely “browned” out (where you black out but sometimes come back to a conscious state), he started to get really mad that his friends liked me and were talking to me all night, so he took us back to his house even though I said I wanted to go home. I remember us kissing, which wasn’t a big deal, but I laid my head on the pillow and then black—- I woke up and he told me he enjoyed us having sex that night. I don’t remember if I said yes or no, but he knew I wouldn’t have done it sober. I don’t know if this is rape or not and I have suppressed the memory for 2 years now and I just want some feedback, I don’t know who to ask and this seemed like a safe place.

I am so glad this felt like a safe place to share your story. Please don’t feel embarrassed for posting here – any story that adds to the conversation is so critical and that includes yours. I won’t define what happened to you, but I would encourage you to talk to a therapist so you can define it in the way that’s right for you. No matter how you define it, your feelings around it are real and important and deserve to be addressed and supported. Because you matter and your story matters. I’m really proud of you for posting this and I’m sending you so much love and support!! Alexis

Yes definitely get help and there is a reason you have suppressed the emotions and memories. You will need help and support through this. I hope you can update your story one day when its much more clearer to you.

There’s no need to define it to know in your heart that what he did was selfish and with no consideration to you. Or to know that you deserve to be treated as a human, in your totality, not just as a body. I had a similar experience and it took me some time to come to terms with the fact that it was WRONG, not because I didn’t feel the hurt but because I pushed it down. I hopened sharing has helped, and that you continue to heal

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