A Testicle-Eating Fish From The Amazon Has Been Caught In A New Jersey Lake

Remember last month when we informed you that a pacu — a cousin of the piranha typically found in the Amazon that can grow to over three feet in length and is known to bite off swimmers’ testicles — had been caught in Oresund Sound, between Sweden and Denmark? Well I have good news and bad news for you. Bad news first: A fisherman caught one in a New Jersey lake this weekend. But the good news is thWAIT A SECOND NEW JERSEY IS IN AMERICA. THAT MEANS THESE BASTARDS ARE HERE NOW. WHO LET THIS HAPPEN?

Absolutely Fish manager Pat Egan told The Record newspaper someone most likely had the pacu in a fish tank and dumped it when it became too big.

“We call them ‘tank busters.’ We don’t even sell them because they grow so big,” Egan told the paper. [NBC Philadelphia]

Two things:

1) Shoutout to the idiot in New Jersey who probably purchased an infamous testicle-eating fish then turned around and dumped it in a lake because he had no idea it would grow too big for the 10-gallon tank in his grandmother’s living room. I wonder if he bought it from Snake Man’s Exotics.

Land animals can live anywhere on this planet, as long as humans relocate them and there is food available. Why is it shocking that a fish can do the same. I think, what is happening with the asian carp in the Mississippi and Illinois rivers is much scarier than finding an old pet in a lake.

Red-Belly Pacus are sold in pretty much every pet store in the country. They’re not some exotic fish only owned by ostentatious drug dealers and/or Mike Tyson. They grow quickly and will eat a lot. Yes, they are mainly herbivores, but they have teeth and I can vouch for the fact that they’ll nip at one’s arms and fingers when you’re merely trying to clean the tank. Had I stuck my testicles into the tank, they likely would’ve nipped at them too. My advice? Don’t live in New Jersey.