Episode 5 - Full-on Fuller and his Surfer Sluts

Boarding House: North Shore begins this week with Danny at a photo shoot. As he laughs, smiles and poses for the camera, Padaca and Sunny stand off to the side making fun of him and yelling “Work it, Danny!” and “The camera loves you!” Clearly, this week’s episode is all about Danny.

For the men, the XBOX Pipeline Masters at Banzai Pipeline is the final leg of the race to the Triple Crown. Danny has been invited to surf in the competition though he is normally just a free surfer. Danny gets a call from the head of the competition to come down and fill out paperwork. He’s stoked. After signing the forms, he heads to 24 Hour Fitness to start getting in shape for the big event. He says that Myles is so focused and he wants to be like Myles. I’m thinking, the competition is what… tomorrow? It’s going to take a lot more than one day on the treadmill at the fitness center to get your ready for competition. Danny… slowly step away from the beer and the bimbos.

On the other side of Hawaii, Chelsea is getting ready to compete in the third jewel of the Triple Crown – the Billabong Pro at Honalua Bay, Maui. In her first heat, Chelsea doesn’t seem to be having any luck with the waves, but suddenly she pulls off an amazing ride! She was completely covered and the announcer assumed she had fallen when suddenly out of the wall of white, out rides Chelsea! She advances to the semi finals. However, the semi finals didn’t go in Chelsea’s favor. After a few mediocre waves, Chelsea is eliminated and settles for 5th place. However, she’s still a contender for Rookie of the Year.

As the sun comes up the next day, the housemates are awake and trying to decide what to do on their free day. The girls – including normal excluded Holly – are all going out for a day of surfing… they just don’t know where. They all get in the car and Holly is driving. During the ride, VK spills her coffee, and in true soccer mom fashion Holly turns and reprimands her children. This girl has got to loosen up. In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller, Holly “is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up her ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.”

During the expedition to find the perfect surfing spot, Holly lets the girls know that she’s had a boyfriend for the last 4 years… but has been over having a boyfriend for the last year and a half. Well Holly, since you just said that on camera on national television, I’m guessing by the time this airs, you won’t need to have the breakup talk.

Holly says she’s pumped that competition is over because now she can finally cut loose and just have a good time. My bet is that this means she can stay up until eleven on weeknights. The girls finally settle on a spot, and though the waves are weak, they manage to enjoy the surf.

Skipping the free surf day today is Sunny, who is headed back to his neighborhood to see his family and check out his rental house. We don’t get to see his mom, but we get to go inside the house in which Sunny grew up and meet his sister and his nephew. Recently, in an article in Sports Illustrated the writer slammed on Sunny’s mom’s house, so she’s been extra sensitive about it. I must say, Sunny’s mom’s place looked just fine to me. It was nice and clean and looked like a nice home. Sunny said they might have been poor, but his family was rich with love. Nothing to be embarrassed about there.

After the visit, Sunny and the boys hit the beach on the west side. It appeared to be very windy and pretty cold as no one was in the water and all of them had chattering teeth. Tyson, a life long friend of Sunny met up with the group and brought along his son. Tyson tells the camera that he admires Sunny and his ambition and how he lives his life. As he’s raising his son, he tells him that if he wants to make something of himself, he needs to follow in Sunny’s footsteps, be like Sunny, surf like Sunny. That’s all well and good, but let’s also teach him not to slug and slap like Sunny. And oh yeah… this kid has some jacked up hair. Let’s teach him to shave his head like Sunny, which would be a vast improvement.

The next day, Padaca gets up and calls the SurfHotline to find that the Pipeline Masters is on hold, then later cancelled. Practice surf at Banzai for the boys, then after – big party! The group has the band, Red West, come over to entertain them while they get plastered and have barbecue. At the front door enters Mullet Mike with a case of alcohol. He’s a surfer friend of Danny’s and a guy with the worst hair cut EVER. Obviously , he is fresh from the trailer park and I swear I can smell him through my TV.

AT 5 after 9, Padaca and Chaney leave the party so he can get some rest before tomorrow’s competition. Danny, however, who was previously in the episode striving to be like Myles, continues to party. And 2 women are chasing him around the house and grabbing at him, offering him up a slutty sandwich. I swear, Danny is literally running from these ho’s and hiding! The sluttiest of them all, a brunette, is chasing him saying, “Dannnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeee, don’t be afraaaaaaaaaaaaaid.” However, I am afraid. The losers ladies leave and the party goes on. That night we see Danny passed out on the sofa with his shades on.

6:24 am. Pipeline Masters is on!

The first heat includes Sunny, whose grandmother and sister have come to watch. He’s having a hard time finding a worthy wave and soon moves into last place. On his second wave, he gets into the pipe, but is covered with waves and wipes out. With moments to go in his heat, Sunny catches a killer wave and owns it! Raina is on her feet clapping, yelling “10! 10! 10!” to the judges. That ride moves him into first and he advances to the semis. Somewhere out there, some unsuspecting surfer was just saved from a smack upside the head.

The 2nd day of competition, Padaca is up early mentally preparing for competition. He stares out at the ocean as he drinks his coffee and talks about his father who has passed away. His dad was also a surfer and was a legend at Pipe, where upon his death, his ashes were scattered. Since then, Myles has considered himself a soul surfer and can feel his father in the ocean when he surfs at Pipe.

Padaca is in the first heat of the day. His first two waves were nice, but not spectacular. He catches the covers and is in first place. However, after his second wave, he turns to paddle back out when the sound horns. He turns, looks at his watch and rides a wave to the shore, where he goes up to the announcer asking “what the hell?” Apparently, when the surfers signed in, the sign said there would be 30-minute heats. However, the horn had sounded after only 25. Padaca is pissed, though after all is cleared up, he took first in his heat and advances.

Last of the housemates to surf today is Danny. Though he’s a noncompetitive surfer, he’s considered a “pipeline specialist.” Danny is sitting on the beach with his mother and very pregnant sister watching the competition. You can tell that Danny is feeling the pressure as he sits and bites his nails. In voiceover, he tells us that sometimes the pressure can get to a surfer and just psyche him out. I believe this is what happens to Danny.

As his heat begins, Danny gets the first wave, but bails out. After that, we pretty much sit back and watch the others in his heat surf great and advance. However, Danny hangs back, making the announcer speculate that the competition has just been too much for Danny and that he’s playing it too tentatively.

No sooner than the words leave the announcers mouth, Danny spots his wave coming in and begins paddling. With just a few seconds left in the heat, Danny catches the wave of the day! After coming out of the second cover, he raises his hand in the air, claiming the wave. It’s 10s across the board from all of the judges and Danny wins the heat!

For more Boarding House: North Shore, tune in Wednesday at 8/7 central to see the final episode and the final competition! Until then, hang loose!

Somehow, "pipeline specialist" springs forth images of someone who goes to the bathroom at a professional level.

John,

That is a very offensive post that I feel you should apologize for. I have a family member who needs a catheter and your glib remark is totally unwarranted. It says something about you that you would find such a thing material for a joke. I hope the moderator removes you from this board as your type is not welcome here.