what can I do to make myself feel better ? I want to be compassionate and loving but I feel negative emotions instead. What would help me? She can take care of herself but I feel depressed at this stage in her life. Thanks

15 Comments

I am so glad to know that i am not alone in this.i go thru the whole gamut of emotions.. and then i begin all over again.i try my best not to lose it but i fail everytime.dealing with my mother is like dealing with a impertinent child who will chop her nose off just to spite her face.no matter what i do for her.i am considered the villian of the piece and that hurts,my friends who talk to her for 2 mins are wonderful, my sister who always been the apple of my mother's eye and who has now washed her hands off her mother,is blessed while i am constantly cursed.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Most of us go through this. After all, these are the people who once cared for us. We're watching decline. Sometimes, we can just feel angry at life.

One way to feel better is to talk to others in you situation. Share your honest feelings and you won't feel so alone. Counseling can help, even if it's a talk with a spiritual leader. Good luck. We are with you,Carol

You are going to feel a full range of emotions - do not feel "bad" or guilty about any of them. They are your feelings, and you are entitled to have them, whatever they are . Don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't feel them, or you are wrong for feeling that way.

my mom moved in with me 2 years ago. there are days thats she hates me and wont talk to me. mostly when we are alone. if i have friends over she is better. its very hard on me as i am the only one of her children that is here for her. my sister and brother have not seen her in 20 years. I had another sister who died in 1986. my husband died in 2003 and i took care of him so did my mom. seemed when he died she went down hill. i get fustrated cause its not the mother i know. and she dont know my name. i try to keep her busy with dusting, folding clothes, taking her out.....but i know it is short lived.

Well ... I did see a psychiatrist today who adjusted my medication and gave me something to calm me but I don't feel the effect. I came home and decided that whatever medication I take, the anxiety and sadness will always be there. I need to know that there is hope for me and one day I will be happy again. All of my friends want me to be my happy self but I find it impossible because of my inner sadness and struggle. Thank you all for your replies because it helps.

Bless all of you out there for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have been caring for 12 years for my mom after her stroke, who is now 87y.o. Up until 9 weeks ago it was mostly checking on her several times a day, chauffering her around and taking her out for rides and companionshp since she has no one else. She fell 9 weeks ago, breaking her left arm, so I needed to move in, cut my work hours to take care of her 24/7. She is very clingy and I see no hope for much improvement in the future. Lately, I feel so guilty for starting to feel resentment about being "tied down" with this responsibility (am an only child). I have always wanted to travel a bit, but can't while mom is alive.I am 65 and so exhausted and I think she will outlive me due to the long living blood line of her father. So when do I get to live my life and my dreams and be able to get away? Sorry, guys, I just had to vent a bit. I know you understand. Thank you.

Thank you for asking the questions. My 93 year old Mother lives with me and I totally understand all the emotion ups and downs you talked about. I love her dearly but she is very clinging. If I am working in my bedroom/office she will come and sit on the bed and wants to talk. I don't want to ignor her but I have to live my life as well. It is such a mixed bag of feeling guilty when I get angry at her and worrying every time I have to leave her alone for a few hours. She has fought me on having anyone "baby sit" her so what am I to do.

It is very difficult to be a caregiver. Others recognize this - there is actually a "Caregiver's Day", and a newly defined condition: Caregiver's dementia. We caregivers are often the ones who do not realize we need special attention to help get the job done. Our parents are there and our love and sense of resonsibility move us to provide care. We can't change that. We have to find the way we can get some release. It is different for everyone -- a long bath, hiring someone so we can have an afternoon or evening off, or special time with our kids, whatever it takes to give us a little relieve. It is up to US to take care of ourselves, too. We have to release the steam before it builds up too much.

Basically you have to accept the fact that you ARE greiving - the parent you knew as your loving and caring parent just is gone. In her/his place is a child-like adult that can't take care of him/herself. I went through alot of anger/frustration feeling like "Is this going to be the rest of my life", taking care of Mom was more like a job than it was caring for her until I realized that my Mom would never be My Mom again..that is the grief, I miss my Mom. She is not hard to take care of but without telling her every little thing to do - she would be sitting in a chair withering away. Take pride in that what you are doing is no more and probably far less than she (or he) would do for you if the tables were turned and that you are ABLE to be there for them- I think all the time about people like my Mom who have no one. I'm pretty proud of all of us "kids" who were brought up to know right from wrong - it may be like a long death but the little bit of life they still enjoy is because of you!

Yes, your feelings are totally normal. Even though I am facing my own emotions, I have found a couple of things that help: I started keeping a little notebook in my purse - it has short lines in it of things that make Mom laugh. She's 83 and we are at the beginning of Dementia with Lewybodies. I've made it a goal to make her smile every day and be grateful for the days that she knows me and can converse. I feel fear, anger, upset, a bit of depression and pure worry at different times. That which does not kill us will make us stronger. It is ok to need to take an antidepressant until you feel better if you are having difficulty functioning. Your parent has a TON to be proud of - you've reached out and you are obviously a kind, caring person because you want to give the best care possible!

I am taking care of my husband, disabled by stroke. He is 71 and shows signs of dementia. He is independent and stubborn, causing falls. I am so angry with him that it is hard to show the compassion he deserves. No matter what I do to make this situation easier for him, he just demands more. At 67, I need to reture, but hate the thought of being stuck at home with him as he is. We took care of his Mom, with Alzheimers, years ago and that was hard. I feel so alone now.

your welcome for my reply. I have been taking care of my mom since 2005.. My dad had a surgery that didn't go the way we had hoped for. He ended up in a nursing home my mom lived with us for a little while, then i helped her find an appartment. I would go over there alot and do everything shopping cleaning ect.My dad pasted away over a year ago. My mom moved back in.Lot of health issues.It is very hard to see our parents health go and terrible sadness,and so very stressful. i have anxiety too. for sure this is hard!! here if ya just want to write me

Thank you gettysburg - My mom is healthy but it is distressing for me to see her age and how it will progress in a negative way. I hate to say that I do not enjoy being with her and that is very sad because we are very close and truthfully I have lived with her all of my life. I am so sad and cry every day. Even when I leave the house I have anxiety and more when I return.

Yes I am feeling the same way. My Mother has been in the hospital since June and they want to send her to a nursing home. Since she is a nurse she knows what to expect but I think she is ready to accept it. She is only 79 and I have no other siblings to rely on.Neil

hi september21,i am feeling the same way. I have the same feelings. and the guilt of feeling this way. i love my mom so much. it is hard very hard with her living with us, and her dog. my dad past away last year. she has health issuse as well. i know its hurting my family as time goes by.just want you to know you are not alone.

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