I wish to apologize, someone hacked the site and put numerous links into the posts. Grandpa is rebuild the site from scratch, I am repairing each post. You may have received multiple emails when the sites is updated. I apologize. I hope you enjoy the looks of the new site. Thanks for your patience.

Archive for the ‘Thoughts From Mom’ Category

God is good. A very present help in times of trouble. You guys have probably heard that before. And you’ve probably wondered why God allows so much bad to happen to so many who, we are told, He loves.

It’s been on my mind a lot. After all, it’s been a tough year at our house. While thinking about it, I came across an old Bible story I’ve read and heard a thousand times before but this time something new struck me. It was the story of Joseph being sold into slavery by his brothers. If you want tough times, that would do it. Your own brothers want to get rid of you and do it in the most cruel way possible. Joseph endured some rough patches as a slave. About the time he makes it to the top as a slave and life is improving, he gets thrown into prison for something he didn’t do. Still, he doesn’t lose faith. Eventually he is removed from prison and becomes second in command to Pharaoh and saves all Egypt and many others from famine. During the famine, his brothers come to him for food for their family. After a little give and take over some time, Joseph lets his brothers know who he is and assures them, he isn’t angry. He told them that what they had meant for evil, God had meant for good. Now that’s amazing insight. Thousands of people would have starved had Joseph not been in tune with what God was saying. Joseph heard and responded in spite of the fact that he was a slave and in prison.

I suspect Jesus disciples stood at the foot of the cross and watched Him die unable to see any good in this. But Jesus’ death was necessary to complete God’s plan. The one where Jesus now holds the keys to death and hell. He came to seek and to save those of us who are lost. His death was necessary to accomplish that goal. He knew that.

We are just human. We don’t always understand. Sunday, our pastor spoke of Paul stuck at home under house arrest for two years. I’m sure Paul couldn’t picture how he could carry out God’s command to spread the gospel while he was stuck at home. But, two thousand years later, we know Paul was writing letters that would eventually become a large part of the New Testament. He’s been spreading the gospel for better than 2000 years. He just didn’t know that was how it would turn out. Bad things happen. Often to good people.

This is the time of year when people do a lot of focusing on Mary, the Mother of Jesus. We marvel at what a wonderful person she must have been to have God choose her for the Mother of His Son.

We spend so much time focusing on her that we overlook a really key player in this earthly family of Christ. It’s the man God chose to be the earthly father of Christ.

God didn’t just come to Mary to discuss the arrival of this child. Certainly, He sent His angel to let her know what the plan was and Mary, in essence, said “whatever You want, I will do.” Mary made her choice. I am convinced she had the option to agree or decline. It must have taken a great deal of inner strength to agree to such a life-changing event. But God didn’t send His angel only to Mary. He also sent him to Joseph. The Bible tells us that Joseph was a Godly man who knew that he had a tough choice to make where Mary was concerned. She was pregnant and single. Totally unacceptable to the church of his time – or to anyone for that matter. In today’s world, he could easily have been the man who said, ‘not my kid; not my problem’ just before walking out the door.

Not so for Joseph. He accepted his responsibility as fiancee’ for Mary and was working on his options when God sent His angel to have a talk with Joseph. Joseph, too, made a choice. He accepted the responsibility of raising God’s Son.

I find it interesting to note that the Bible tells us that Mary watched everything that happened and ‘pondered it in her heart.’ It was Joseph that was the do-er in the family. Further instructions for the protection of the child were given to him. The angel was sent to Joseph to warn him to take the child somewhere safe. Joseph just went to Mary and said ‘pack up. We’re out of here.’ Later, it was again Joseph who is told that it is safe to return home. When he did come back, he went to Nazareth. I’ve wondered about that some. My pastor says there was a lot of construction going on near there so maybe Joseph was just going where the jobs were. Part of me wonders, though, if he was still protecting Jesus and Mary. Protecting them from the stigma of being born to an unwed mother – a truly scandalous thing in those days. Even if the circumstances of His birth did become known, Nazareth was a tough town by all accounts. People said, “can any good come out of Nazareth?” So with any luck at all, nobody would care.

Jesus, Himself, became a carpenter like his earthly father, Joseph. Tells me that Joseph spent some time teaching Jesus a trade and Jesus respected him enough to be willing to to spend some time following in his footsteps. The type of earthly father Jesus should have was as important to God as the earthly mother He chose. It was a team effort – this raising of Jesus. As a team, they went hunting Him when He was missing from the traveling group at the age of 12. It was Joseph who scolds him saying “your mother and I were searching for You”.

Fathers, just because the woman is the one who gives birth doesn’t make her the only one responsible for the training and the upbringing of the child. Your input is critical. God shows us that by the care He took in choosing Joseph. He shows us that by letting us know that it is Joseph to whom He gave instructions on the safety and protection of the child. Be the man God wants you to be. Seek His guidance as head of your household. Never underestimate the importance of your role.

All I wanted to do today was spring clean the kitchen. I didn’t want to spring clean the whole house. I knew that would never happen. I just wanted the kitchen to be nice and freshly cleaned. Did it happen? Of course not!

The lawyer had let us know yesterday that all background checks were in and Grandpa and I had to go down to sign the final legal papers on the boys. No problem. We could be home by 11 and still get everything done.

Courthouses do not have small children. Therefore, court houses stay on schedule. We were home by 11. Homes are where the scheduling problems begin. Children live there. Children who decide to sleep in for the babysitter (never for me) so are still lounging around in their pajamas, finishing breakfast. I’m still on a roll. I can do this.

An hour later the kids are dressed and playing and I am reminded the poodle needs a haircut and bath. I do this myself to save money and to cause frustration for myself just because I don’t have enough things to frustrate me. An hour and a half later, the dog is looking good. I wash one of the kitchen windows and the bench for our breakfast nook. The Little Guy screams for lunch. The Little Guy falls asleep in his high chair while everyone is eating. If I lay him in his crib, he will wake up in ten minutes and realize that he has been abandoned – God forbid!- and he will protest this injustice loudly. So I bow to the inevitable and lay down on my bed with him. He wakes up just enough to squirm closer to me. Happily cuddled up against me, he falls back to sleep. I decide I wouldn’t trade anything for this little naptime with the our special boy.

Two hours later, Grandpa wakes me to let me know he needs to run an errand so I get up to keep an eye on Nature Boy and Princess. Nature Boy is finally learning to leave his clothes on. Someday he will learn to stay out of the pool in the middle of March. Until then, he needs to be closely supervised when outdoors. And, of course, the Little Guy soon realizes he has been left alone and is sobbing on the bed. The three of them keep me moving until Grandpa returns. Yes, I’m ready to start again!

The Girl Scouts arrive with their cookies. Who can turn down Girl Scout cookies? We have to take a break for those. The Little Guy has to have his picture taken eating his very first Girl Scout cookie. It’s peanut butter and chocolate and is the best food he has every had. By the time he is done, he is chocolate from head to toe. More time consumed.

Nature Boy then insists on ‘dink peas tank you’. The refrigerator yields only white milk and precious little of that. I give him a cup. He patiently returns the cup to the refrigerator and again asks for ‘dink peas tank you’. I make grape kool- aid. He takes a sip. Grape is not to his liking. In frustration, he goes to the fridge and pulls out a diet coke. ‘Dink peas tank you.’ Arrgh!!! Fine! Just take it and go outside!!!!

It’s time to make dinner. I AM NOT MAKING DINNER. I am going to spring clean the kitchen. I run to the store for milk and chocolate and through the drive thru for burgers and fries. At home, Princess meets me at the door. The dog got out. More time spent finding the dog! Grandpa, busy trying to find out how the dog got out, is otherwise distracted while the Little Guy spreads dog food and dog water all over the kitchen floor and Nature Boy covers himself in mud. By 9 o’clock the children are fed, bathed and in bed. The dog water has been wiped up from the kitchen floor and I figure the dogs will eat the food before morning.

I am not spring cleaning the kitchen. I am resting.

So why do I tell you this? Because this is the Advice From Mom column and I – as the reigning Mom – have some advice. If you have small children, don’t set your sights too high when it comes to housework. As a matter of fact, as long as the house isn’t toxic, consider yourself a success. Enjoy that special time when your little one cuddles up beside you. Enjoy the ‘firsts’ that come for your offspring. The kitchen will still be there tomorrow and the next day and the next day after that. It remains the same.

Your children change. Don’t miss it. When you’re old and retired, you can have a clean house. Unless, of course, you’re like Grandpa and I and start a family all over again.

Our 8-year-old granddaughter has reached the age where board games and other type of two player games are just her cup of tea.

One of the favorite games she likes to play is ‘hangman’. Her favorite person she likes to play it with is Grandpa. I find it interesting that two people who don’t know how to spell enjoy playing this game together. So I listened for a while and learned something. Turns out being a good speller isn’t really a requirement of ‘hangman’. You just need to agree on the rules. For them, words can be spelled phonetically (or fun-ed-dick-lee) if you prefer. As long as the two of you can ultimately fill in the blanks, everything is good.

I guess it’s a lot like driving down the road.

If you live in the United States, don’t drive on the same side of the road as you would in England. As long as you and the rest of the drivers agree on the rules of the road, you have a fair chance of getting to your destination.

If you stop to think about it, your success in any endeavor you undertake with one or more people, is almost always assured if you can just agree on the rules. Some of the most unlikely couples, make a success of their marriages. Why? Because the two of them agreed on the important things of life; their finances, their living situations, their plans for the future and their plans for their careers and family. Why do some families have so little conflict while others struggle to make it through a day without an argument? Because the rules are agreed on and obeyed by all. Conflict comes when rules get broken. And when you talk about the people you love, emotional hurt from the broken rules is so much more painful than it would be in the general public.

Are you and your spouse going through some difficult times? Maybe this would be a good time to sit down and establish some guidelines to live by. Are the kids totally out of control? Might be good to sit them down and explain that there are rules of conduct that they are expected to observe.

All relationships are complicated. Set up some rules. Peace will reign a lot more often if you can make and observe them.

Our little Princess has been having some problems lately. They involve accepting responsibility for her actions.

It’s hard to do that even as adults but for her – the one who has always been perfect in the eyes of her Grandpa – it seems especially hard. She tries to explain that she had to do what she did. Her friend told her to. Of course, we know the ‘if your friends all jumped off a cliff’ saying and we go ahead and say it. She tries other arguments. The ones that go, I didn’t think you would care just this once and I can’t help myself. I just do it without thinking. And there is always ‘the devil made me do it’. Somehow we just aren’t buying any of them.

The other day, since consequences and the ‘jumping off a cliff’ talk wasn’t working, I decided to try a different quote.

This one from Dr. Seuss. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” I know she understands this. For her, the difficulty comes when her friends want her to do what she knows is wrong. She gives in and then compounds the problem by refusing to accept her responsibility.

It’s not her fault. She had to do it.

Thinking about this – and being frustrated about my inability to get through to her – I searched for examples of adult behavior in these same circumstances. I was struck by how often we, who should be showing her how to stand up for what is right, have been modeling for her the behavior she uses. It’s not our fault we yelled obscenities at the driver in the car next to us. He was driving like an idiot and, besides, I had a rough day at work. It’s not my fault. I didn’t remember it was my turn to bring the snacks to the kids sports game. I was busy with things at work and forgot. It’s not my fault is our battle cry. When we hang out with the kind of people we tell them to avoid, when we shirk our responsibilities, when we break those little pesky speed limit laws, even in the littlest things, we can’t just say “I screwed up. I’m sorry.” When it comes to the big things —– well, let’s just not go there.

I’ve decided to focus a little more carefully on accepting responsibility myself. After all, even though she won’t admit it, she models herself after me and her mother and her grandfather. We are the ones responsible for showing her how a true adult acts just as you are responsible for showing your children how they should act. Let’s all work a little harder at being the mature adult we hope they will someday become.

Several years ago, my mother introduced me to what has become one of my favorite movies – While You Were Sleeping with Sandra Bullock. In the beginning of this movie, she is telling about her childhood and her father. She tells how her father tried to explain that life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned. In the movie and in real life, I have found this to be true.

As my husband and I reached that time in life where retirement promised fun-filled travel visiting children and grandchildren and exploring places we had never had the time or income to do before, we got a little side tracked.

Our youngest daughter had a beautiful baby girl. As a single mom, she needed help. As the grandparents we loved giving it. Eight years later, the little one still lives with us and has grown to be a Princess who truly believes in her royalty. So much so that she is often referred to as a queen – actually a drama queen but whose quibling? She loves animals, outdoors and anything allowing her unending activity. Her body, her mind and her mouth are in perpetual motion causing her to get into all kinds of trouble when not carefully supervised.

About a year ago, we met another single mom who needed a home where her little one could live while she got her life organized. He is a developmentally dsabled little boy whom we call ‘Nature Boy.’ We call him that because he despises clothing and removes it whenever no one is watching. Naturally, in public, we keep a close eye on him. At home, he is often found happily watching Blues Clues completely in the buff. Sometimes he’s outdoors on his tummy on the swing with his little butt in the air. Thank God for privacy fences and older girls who call to inform me, “Grandma, Nature Boy is naked again!” He’s a happy little guy enjoying the world around him and somehow being able to get through to us what his wants and needs are even though he doesn’t talk yet.

Nature Boy has a little brother just 2 months old now who also lives with us. The Little Guy has blue eyes that study the world around him solemnly. Only occasionally smiling but when he does his whole face gets involved. He sleeps through much of his day and, thankfully, has begun to sleep longer stretches through the night. Lack of sleep was forcing me to recognize my age limitations. We aren’t technically the grandparents of the two boys. They just call us that because Princess does and we allow it because we consider their mother our pseudo-daughter.

We met another single mom around the same time we met Nature Boy’s mother. She has two little girls who are now just 10 months and 20 months. These little ones don’t live with us but we help out mommy on the week-ends when she has to work and needs a sitter. The two little girls come to stay with us on Friday nights and stay through Sunday. We enjoy watching the 20 month old as she dances through the house to any music available whether it be radio, television, Grandma singing or her singing to herself. She has little, happy feet that never stop moving unless she hears the sound of the word ‘no’. Then it becomes obvious that she is approaching the terrible two’s. She does a Jekyl and Hyde transformation that is astounding. Those happy feet do a quick transformation from dancing to stamping that is accompanied, not by music, but by a scream that is heard throughout the neighborhood. Her younger sister is a calmer, quieter child. She loves being rocked and cuddled. When no one is available to rock her, she plays quietly with her toys, studying everything she sees with her big, beautiful blue eyes. Part of her studying things involves eating anything that she might find on the floor that has been left there by the others. She isn’t a a picky eater which is good when mealtimes come but not so good when chalk, crayons, Polly Pockets, matchbox cars and toy soldiers are left lying around.

It feels somewhat like my life is a ‘do-over’ today. While the biological children and adoptive children have grown and blessed me with many grandchilden, things just haven’t turned out the way I planned. I have retired but haven’t started the trips around the country visiting grandchildren and adult children. I haven’t taken the time to plan trips overseas or cruises on ships. On the bright side, I don’t have time to sit around discussing my health or my latest ‘procedure’ with the other retirees I know.

My life hasn’t turned out the way I planned.

I could, of course, sit and complain about all of this because I truly miss having the opportunity to visit the grandchildren who live out of state and I feel that I am missing a great deal of my children’s lives that I wish I could be there for. I wish I could be there for the tough times they experience, to help them when they need an evening out without the children, and to just be there to laugh with them and to talk to them. I love those I don’t get to see every day. I also love those I do see every day. In choosing not to dwell on the negatives, I have been blessed with the joy of having little ones to hug, whose smiles light up their faces when they see me coming (unless they are coloring on the walls which means I will be seeing their little backs running down the hall). My life is good. Not what I had planned but very good anyway.

So why am I talking about this? I’m trying to encourage you to realize that not everything in life has to be neatly organized nor does it have to come in logical steps. Don’t spend time regretting what isn’t. Do spend time embracing the life you have been given and recognizing the good that you are blessed with.

The Little Guy is three months old now. The world around him is becoming very intriquing to him. We hung little toys on the bars of his swing so they were just barely within his reach. At first, he just watched them in fascination. But lately, he’s begun to try to reach for them.

His little hands fly up above his face as they reach for the toys. This distracts him because he hasn’t quite fully realized that those hands are attached to him.

He watches them fly around above him, getting more and more excited the faster they move. Suddenly, one of his little hands makes contact with one of the toys. As his hands do with anything they touch, they grabbed the toy in a death grip. Now, not only were the hands moving but the toys were moving as well. His excitement knew no bounds. The more excited he became, the faster everything moved above him. At first, this was cause for a giggle. Then it got kind of scary. Everything was moving so quickly and he didn’t know how to stop it. His little fists had been taught to hold on and now, when he needed to, he didn’t know how to let go. He needed rescuing.

As adults, we face a similar situation in the habits we form. At first, they are fascinating. So we grab hold and start swinging. These little habits bring us so much joy, sometimes making us feel really cool. Any teenager who ever started smoking knows that ‘coolness’ factor. Finally reaching the age of 21 and being allowed to drink is a milestone many wait for eagerly. Some even sneak in early to that milestone because it makes them feel soooo very sophisticated and suave. There are other more insidious habits like illegal drugs, even some legal drugs, pornography addictions, and many other things that destroy the fabric of our lives when we hold on to them too tightly. Sometimes we need rescued.

Remember this if there is a habit in your life that is hurting you and you don’t know how to let go. Seek out the ones who do know. Sometimes it’s in support groups with people who have been there before you.

Sometimes it’s in counseling. Sometimes it’s as simple as reaching out to the ones you love for help. Whatever it is that is making your life less than what you want it to be, find a way to let it go.

The little one got a new MP3 player for her birthday. She is 7 and thinks she’s all grown up now. Her headphones are firmly planted in her ears most of the day. She dances around the house to music only she can hear. We are breathing sighs of relief. Sometimes, the constant noise of television, radio, CD players, etc can be overwhelming to us old people. We like silence.

She came to me yesterday with a comment that made me pause and think. She said ‘sometimes my songs connect to my heart.’ It occurs to me that it might be a good idea to stop and listen with her to the music she loves.

What ‘connects to her heart’ is going to shape her attitude and behavior.

As parents and grandparents, it’s important that we know what they listen to and connect with. We need to instill in our children the love of good music. The kind that lifts them up spiritually, that improves their attitudes, and teaches them to build bridges of love with their family and friends. There is too much music in this world that can turn them away from what is good. I want to be careful about what she sings. I want to know the songs she loves and hear from her what the songs are saying to her when they connect to her heart. I hope you’re listening to your little ones as well.

Have you ever felt worthless? You know, that feeling you get when nothing you do seems to be special. It sometimes feels like everything you do could easily be done by someone else – so what’s the point? Been there. Done that. Everyone has. So, for just a minute, I want to look at something else.

In the human body, there are red blood cells and white blood cells, there are muscles, bones, lungs, heart, brain, ligaments – all kind of things. Anyone of those things, if they could talk, could get uppity with the rest of them. The heart could say, ‘without me, you’re dead’. The brain could say the same as could the blood cells, the lungs, the muscles - everything. In reality, none of them alone could make the body function. The brain needs the heart to send blood, the heart needs the lungs to re-oxygenate the blood, the lungs need the blood to filter out the bad and return the good, the blood is useless without the work done by the lungs and the heart. The muscles need the building blocks spread by the blood. Everything in your body is necessary. Now – granted – we could get along without some things. Many people live without limbs, eyes, without fully functioning brains, with hearts that aren’t up to snuff, etc. Those are the people we call ‘handicapped.’ Without a body that functions fully together, we are handicapped.

It works that way in life, too. Your family, your place of employment, just society in general needs each and every person to function well in the spot you are in. You may not get the recognition of the President of the United States or the CEO of your company but without you, the President doesn’t have a constituency and the CEO doesn’t have a company. Every person alive today is necessary for the smooth functioning of society as a whole. Without you, we become handicapped. Flipping burgers at McDonald’s maybe doesn’t seem like much but the people who come to you to be fed see you as necessary for their comfort. Vacuuming the office floors after everyone has left can feel like drudgery but the job you do is vital for the health of the workers who will come the next morning. Yes, some people have more glamorous jobs or they live so much more exciting lives than you do. It doesn’t make you – and what you do – less important.

Remember the old saying “bloom where you’re planted”? Well, let me suggest you go one step farther. Let me encourage you to do whatever you do the best you can do. Be a pro at what you do and be proud of what you do because without you, those around you are handicapped.

When you home school your children, you have the fun of re-learning all kinds of interesting things you learned as a child. I admit that, as a child, I never really thought Aesop’s Fables were all that interesting. Sometimes I thought the characters were downright dumb. Re-reading them with my granddaughter, I’m seeing a little wisdom here and there that I might have missed when I was younger.

The dog and wolf fable tells of a wolf who finds himself in the middle of a tough winter with little food and no shelter. One day a nicely fed and happy dog comes by to talk with him. The dog assures him he has plenty of food and warmth and plenty of work to do for his master. The wolf wants those things and so begins to go with the dog until he notices that the dog has a collar. When the dog explains that the collar is to tie him up at night, the wolf decides against going with the dog.

When I was a child, the moral of the story was always at the end but in today’s 1st grade worksheets, they leave that part out so we get to make our own moral. For me, the moral would be that too many of us want the good life but we aren’t willing to pay the price to get it. We want the nicer things in life but, in order to get them, we have to go to school to train to get the better paying jobs. Then we have to work the hours necessary in those jobs in order to afford the good life. In almost everything that is worthwhile in life, there is a catch. In order to have the stability and security of a good marriage, you have to give up the right to play the field. Of course, if you want to play the field, you give up the stability and security of a good marriage. In order to know the joy of having children, you must give up the personal freedom you had prior to their birth. You also give up a great deal of financial freedom. You can keep the personal freedom and the money but you lose the truly wonderful experience of being a parent.

You get my point. The old physics truth that for every force there is an equal and opposite force seems to apply here. The trick is in deciding what is important for you. The wolf wanted plenty of food and the warm bed at night but he wasn’t willing to give up that freedom to howl at the moon each night. For me, he lost a lot to gain a little. How about you? Are you losing a lot to gain a little? Should you be changing something in your life but you’re not willing to give up that little to get the potential gain? Something to think about.