The Worst Signing of the MLB Offseason

Why on earth would you raise your kid to be anything other than a baseball player these days? If Edwin Jackson is set to make $52 million over the next four years, imagine how much your son will get if he’s actually good.

In a move that of course would only make sense to somebody running the Cubs, Chicago finalized that deal Wednesday with the right-handed pitcher. It includes an $8 million signing bonus along with an $11 million salary over the next four years.

Over a career that has spanned ten years with the Dodgers, Rays, Tigers, White Sox, Diamondbacks, Cardinals, and Nationals, Jackson’s numbers are far from stellar. He’s 70-71 with a 4.40 ERA and 1.44 WHIP in 234 games pitched. And when it matters, he’s even worse. In September and October, Jackson sports a 14-16 mark with an ERA and WHIP higher than Tommy Chong (5.65 ERA, 1.59 WHIP). And his postseason numbers are about as impressive as a Dolph Lundgren movie: 1-2 with a 5.46 ERA and 1.61 WHIP in nine appearances.

And it’s not like Jackson is coming off of an award-winning season, either. Along with his sub-.500 record and 4.03 ERA, Jackson also gave up 23 home runs last year. That’s two more than the pitching machine that most people refer to as Randy Wolf.

If that’s worth $52 million, then how much would the Cubs consider giving someone like Clayton Kershaw, $600 million?

The Cubs’ website of course found a way to put a positive spin on the signing, noting that Jackson is 14-9 with a 3.95 ERA in 38 games against the NL Central, but they failed to mention that those numbers were padded because one of those teams was them. And if you break it down further, even those stats aren’t very impressive. While he’s 9-4 against the division’s turd teams like Houston, Pittsburgh, and Chicago, Jackson is only 5-5 against teams that actually fill their roster with talent like the Cardinals, Reds, and Brewers.

It’s basically like me telling you that when I play against my family in one-on-one hoops, I’m an impressive 25-12. But when you break it down, you see that I’m 20-5 when I play my mom and sisters but only 5-7 when I play my dad and brother…