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Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 1: "Taterhead Is Our Love Child" Quotes

Alan: Being a father is one of the greatest joys there is.Jake: Hey, Dad, where's the plunger?Alan: Uh, laundry room.Jake: Thanks. I over-wiped.Alan: No such thing, my son. (to Charlie) Where was I?Charlie: The joys of fatherhood.Alan: Right. (Charlie gives him a look) What? There was a time when he didn't wipe at all!

(talking about condoms)Russel: Whenever you're dealing with a manufactured product, there's always gonna be flaws in the process.Charlie: Yeah, but aren't they supposed to be tested before they go out, or in?Russel: Well, sure, but they don't test every one.Charlie: They don't?Russel: Masturbating's looking better and better, huh?

Charlie: What I've wanted to ask you is, do you think I've been a good role model?Jake: Are you kidding? You drink, you gamble, you have different women here practically every night. You're the best role model a guy could want!

Alan: Hey, are you alright?Charlie: No, I'm not.Alan: What's going on?Charlie: Alan, I have always conducted my sex life according to three simple principles: One—if at all possible, ladies first; Two—it is easier to be forgiven than ask permission; and third and most important—the ten seconds it takes to put on a condom beats the hell out of the ten years you have to pretend to like soccer.

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(talking about condoms)Russel: Whenever you're dealing with a manufactured product, there's always gonna be flaws in the process.Charlie: Yeah, but aren't they supposed to be tested before they go out, or in?Russel: Well, sure, but they don't test every one.Charlie: They don't?Russel: Masturbating's looking better and better, huh?

Alan: Being a father is one of the greatest joys there is.Jake: Hey, Dad, where's the plunger?Alan: Uh, laundry room.Jake: Thanks. I over-wiped.Alan: No such thing, my son. (to Charlie) Where was I?Charlie: The joys of fatherhood.Alan: Right. (Charlie gives him a look) What? There was a time when he didn't wipe at all!