"If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!"Jack Handy Deep Thoughts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his side.

"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend," he said.

Our jeweler looked through our stock and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000.

"I know, sorry, but can you imagine what a FANTASTIC weekend I had?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So .. you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today .." At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted ...! Old Harold just smiled!

DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date of Joke: Thursday, 20th January, 2005

John and his wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist and my bum is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to John and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice,,,,

"Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging with a Smile

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

I'm getting into swing dancing.. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

I think I've reached my sexpiration date.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. ￼

Can you believe it's Tuesday already?

Where has this week gone?

It's more like Friday for me. ￼

Gee I haven't been this excited since my siter moved to South America. ￼

Of course she came back, and they actually let her back in the country. I'm sure you can understand how thrilled I was that day.

I hope I don't ruin that wall with my head.

I still have a bump on my head and a stiff neck from the last time I did that.

I don't want to have to spend one of my days off in the chiropractor's office. ￼

Hey! What if we had Attipractors? ￼

You could go in to see one, and get an attitude adjustment.

I'd send my sister. She could really use it, and that would really help my attitude.￼

Have a happy day ever body.

joe

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There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

Joe, I remember the day your sister came back and you were excited to see her. It's kind of like my daughter and I. We are like oil and vinegar to live together, but as soon as she moved out, we became best friends.

Bets, have a great day.

LeBelle, that's just Joe.

Have a great day everyone! I am not sure what todayt will bring, but I am sure whatever it is, I will embrace it.

Good morning Joe,Bets,LeBelle,Ana It's pretty cold here 28 degrees So I'll keep the coffee hot with some cr.donut holes,blueberry pancakes,assorted muffins.Have a terrific Tuesday everyone,hi Gerry to you when you arrive

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I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Good morning everyone. Gail, I'm glad you are feeling better. A trip to Lowes for a spesial lightbulb for the main bathroom light is on today's agenda. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Blueberry Pancakes, Omelets, and Hot Chocolate in the NC.

Another cold day here in sunny San Diego. Was awakened at 6:15 by the sidewalk worker's and the machinery! I'm not complaining since I really am happy they are doing something but the city guy says they can't start work until 7am. Oh well, hope they finish before this weeks scheduled rain. It's been on and off for weeks now. Just enough to slow the progress.

And as for yesterday's promised BIG court appearances of 15 School District defendants (bribery, corruption, all that good stuff) from MY old school district, it was a flop. High priced lawyers went in, delayed from 9 am to 2 pm and then announced they 'needed more time to read documents before their clients could enter a plea of guilty or not guilty). We waited all day watching every news channel for that? Sigh. Now it's rescheduled for Jan 30. Bet they will find another reason to delay it all. BEST part though was when one of the worst offenders gave a brief statement to the new's cameras, "I am not worried, because I am innocent, and that was proven because I got re-elected to the school board". Huh? Since when does re-election mean you are innocent of a crime? I really wanted to reach into my TV and wipe the smirk off her face. Ugh! She's so not innocent and she was only re-elected because nobody around here keeps up with school business or reads the papers or watches the news. Voter turnout was terrible and she barely slid by in the vote. It will all be resolved sometime. All the indictments started way back in January of 2012. It's been a whole year of 'forgetting' what happened and who did what when. I'm praying that justice for once is not blind.

Off to walk and supervise the sidewalk workers. They are always happy to see me and my walker friend. Loads of fun.

Then off to the local park one block up to see how the 'homeless city' is progressing. They have now taken up the entire South side of the restroom building and have built a home of shopping carts with big blue tarps over them and a cozy 'bedding' underneath. As of this week NO ONE other than them is using the park at all. The kids are gone, the exercise group is gone, it's all too scary to walk over there. I'm really going to find somewhere to 'complain' to sometime this week. Gotta find those people a permanent home (or make them go to a shelter which is available). Bottles all over, hypodermic needles appearing up and down the block where kids walk, used condoms along the sidewalk, underwear, all manner of icky stuff building up. AND the mostest best part? They now have a pet pit bull! Dog is cute, homeless icky adults are not. One of them got arrested a few weeks back for stealing out of a car and beating up a shop owner when he interferred. Nice group. Ugh.

Ahhh the Apartments! Police again yesterday. 2 cars. Haven't seen our drunk lady in 2 days, and the drug dealer who walks up and down constantly and was taken away by ambulance a few days ago hasn't been seen either. Getting interesting.