The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 2.26.14

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where I’ve now been informed that in editing this post daily I’m actually complicit in the sexual assault of children except, HAHA!, joke’s on you, I’ve owned a panel van since 2003. So, if you guys think I shouldn’t have posted Simon Cowell not even letting a little thing like it being nighttime and therefore no reason to have your hairy manbags out, for the sake of his week-old kid he can’t stop parading around photographers, go ahead and don’t write something hilarious in the comments below it. And if we’re going to get technical, I guess don’t say anything mean about Ryan Sweeting either, because if that face isn’t clearly saying “Oh fuck me, I put a baby in that crazy,” then I don’t deserve this pedorazzi diploma after all.

A million years ago, in grammar school — maybe 4th grade? — I read a book called *The Search for Delicious.* Long story short, it’s about a kid compiling a dictionary based on absolute examples rather than abstract definitions. This picture would be his entry for “douche bag.”