Leave me in my Comfort Zone!

None of us like it when change is thrust upon us. We resist and resent things and people that make changes to our environment without us choosing it, or having a say in it. We get comfortable in our environment, start feeling safe there and simply detest anyone or anything that wants to push us out of our comfort zones.

Have you ever noticed how obvious this seems at a workshop or event that is longer than a day? People invariable pick the same seats on the 2nd day. There's no rule that says we have to sit in the same place the next day. Very, very few people will be so bold as to change to a different seat. And when anybody dares do that, the frown and body language of the person who was robbed of "their seat" tells a big story.

"The key to change... is to let go of fear."Rosanne Cash

Our resistance to change is probably very much linked to fear. Fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear of not being able to handle a new situation, fear of failing in a new situation, fear of encountering something unexpected...and also can remind us of other times when we had no control over a situation. It can press those "old" buttons all over again, and dig into a wound that we thought had healed.

How can we handle change, then? The kind that is "thrust" upon us, with no choice in the matter? Things like

retrenchment

death of a loved one

illness of a loved one

rejection by a loved one (them leaving us for another person, or just walking away from the relationship)

petrol prices and therefore all other prices rising and rising and rising...

someone making changes to arrangements that were already firm

You're probably very familiar with the Serenity Prayer, that's attributed to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. The prayer has been adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step programs.

I want to add another step. When we've accepted that there are certain things that we cannot change, we still sometimes sit with the feelings of loss and grief. Those feelings mostly don't just leave by themselves, and they can cause us YEARS of grief if we bury them. Feelings that are buried NEVER DIE. It's really wonderful though, that we have a tool in our hands that can help us to deal with those feelings.

If you have anything in your life right now that feels like it wasn't your choice, you resent that it's happened or find it really, really hard to accept, please join me in a few tapping rounds:

"Even though I feel helpless and angry and .... (fill in your feeling about it) about this change, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I choose to believe that there's a higher purpose and that it's going to work out for my highest good."

"Even though I really hate that this change has been thrust upon me, and I feel like a victim right now, I choose to believe that I will learn something unbelievably valuable from this situation."

"Even though I feel an enormous loss because of this change, I choose to believe that this loss can be transformed into a brilliant gain."

Tap on all the points:

HelplessAngryHate this changeFeel like a victimI feel such lossAll this lossGriefI'm losing something enormousThis isn't fairI didn't choose thisThis wasn't supposed to happenSo angryI'm so mad about this changeHow can this happenWhat am I going to do?All this fear and panic about the future...

Keep tapping your real, true feelings on all the points until your discomfort is really low. Fill in your own, more specific words as you go - rant and rave about the unfairness and maybe feelings of fear that might arise. Keep tapping until your discomfort is really low!

Then some positives on all the points:

Maybe this can work in my favourMaybe a wonderful thing can come from thisMaybe it can all work out!Maybe I am learning something about myself in this processI choose to believe that there's a higher purposeI'm open to the possibility that I'm only seeing a part of the bigger picture, and the bigger picture is much much brighter than I can imagine right nowI choose to believe that what feels like loss now, is the start to a bright new beginningI choose to remember all the times when doors were opened for meI choose to believe that I'm growing and learning about myself in this processI choose to believe that everyone is doing their best, including me, and that a Higher Power can transform this pain into joy

Keep tapping until you feel relief. You can also tap while saying the Serenity Prayer. Let us know how this worked for you.

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.William Somerset Maugham

"Within every situation there is a possibility of a miracle. Approach it with miracle-mindedness -- love, charity, mercy and faith -- and the miracle will appear". Marianne Williamson