Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Pick Him

I am writing to express my enthusiastic recommendation for Franklin Hillside to be the first-ever Packers Draft Room Hydration and Sustenance Specialist.

Outside of Leinenkugels, hyperbole and the classic movie Willow, I rarely make such passionate endorsements. But Franklin is the exception. He is knowledgeable, considerate and quick on his feet. So fleet are his feet in fact, that he could make a strong case for special teams. (With the sometimes noticeable absence of Tracy White, please keep that in mind.)

Equal parts Grill Master and Master Bartender, Franklin’s expertise is only limited by the imagination. I once saw him roll a string of sausages using only his feet while mixing Mojitos in one hand and resuscitating an albino squirrel in the other. Keep in mind this is all while he was blackout drunk off Everclear and Mad Dog 20/20! Obviously, the man knows how to party, and just as importantly, be productive. Just imagine what he can accomplish sober!

I know what you’re thinking – that there must be a catch. You’re thinking this guy’s either insanely expensive or just mentally unstable, likely to get caught selling Jolly’s jock strap on ebay or start tickling Ted mid-pick or something. These are legitimate concerns and I will answer them in order. 1) Franklin will work for free or close to it and 2) he has not been committed yet to my knowledge (joking, but seriously). To sum it up, Franklin Hillside as your Draft Room Hydration and Sustenance Specialist is an idea so crazy it just might work.

Feel free to contact me for anything further. Just not Tuesdays. And never before 10 am. Weekends are 50/50. Any other time should work.

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