4/14/2010 @ 9:00AM

The Forbes Fictional Interview: Chuck Bass

The CW series Gossip Girl follows the lives of privileged teenagers growing up on Manhattan’s Upper East Side. Forbes talked to the show’s brooding young billionaire, Chuck Bass, through the writers of the show.

Forbes: First off, Happy New Year. What’d you get up to for New Year’s Eve?

Bass: A gentleman never tells.

What does Chuck Bass do in his “me time”?

All my time is “me” time.

It seems you’ve never met an ascot you didn’t like. Who or what inspires your sense of style?

I inspire people. Not vice versa.

Is there anybody out there that you just nakedly envy?

No.

Some say you have a faint British accent. Do you fake that to sound more sophisticated?

It’s the result of good breeding and excellent locution. You could stand some of that yourself.

What’s with all the brooding?

I don’t know what you’re talking about. Next question.

You’ve made quite the swift transformation from misogynist to monogamist. How do you counter the critics who claim you’ve gone soft?

I don’t need to counter critics. I’m Chuck Bass.

You decided to forgo a college degree to earn your first billion. Is Chuck Bass the next Donald Trump?

Donald who?

What do you say to all the people who say you’ve only gotten this far because your last name is Bass?

I don’t speak to people I don’t know.

You recently announced plans to convert a Lower East Side homeless shelter into high-end condos. Since when does a Bass operate below 57th Street?

Are you really asking that question? I’m growing tired. Would you please freshen my drink?

With everything you and your friends have been through–the lies, the manipulations, the Ponzi schemes–no one would be surprised if you’ve developed “trust issues.” Who do you trust?

I trust myself. I trust my friends. I trust that money solves most problems.

Forbes recently interviewed Blair Waldorf. She had this to say: “Chuck Bass is the one obsessed with me, not the other way around.” Discuss.

No.

Speaking of whom, it seems you’ve finally dropped the bad boy act and made a bid on love. Any wedding bells in the foreseeable future?

I’m 18 years old. This is New York, not Nebraska.

Dan Humphrey couldn’t handle Vanessa and Olivia at once. Is it that he’s just an amateur? What do you know about women that other boys, er, men your age don’t?