5. You will get injured. All these timed workouts and competitive spirit and shit where they write your scores on a board and there is constant peer pressure to push yourself harder? You will get injured. You won't get an Olympic medal or a Super Bowl trophy for this. Just an injury. Enjoy that.

6. The whole "cult" thing. The standard knock on Crossfit is that it's a cult, of fitness. It's not really a cult. (Although everything on this blog is horrifyingly true.) It's more like church: plenty of nice folks there. But the ones who are too into it are fucking creepy.

7. You can't trademark working out, you fuckers. Doing burpees or overhead squats or 400 meter runs followed by handstand pushups does not mean you're "doing Crossfit." You're just working out. You don't own that shit. You bastards.