Judge gives Poundland thief appropriate sentence

In these trying times, it’s nice to see a judge with a sense of humour, and although this story is about some magistrates instead of a judge, it gives us a chance to illustrate it with a wacky picture of a judge. Okay? Still with us?

Following a conviction for nicking a few bits and pieces from Poundland, Geordie thief Carl Farrell was sentenced by the aforementioned magistrates to ONE DAY in custody and ordered to pay compensation to Poundland to the tune of ONE POUND. Amazing scenes.

Farrell had been stopped by police and found to be in possession of some Werther’s Originals, some deodorant, some aftershave and two rings. Inside his tummy were some stolen crisps that he had already eaten. At the time of his arrest he was trying to sell the goods to passers-by. Apart from the crisps. They were in his tummy. Please try to keep up.

Poundland refused to comment on the story when we rang up one of their branches earlier on. Actually, we're lying - we didn't even bother ringing them.

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Poundland is quite an easy target for the light-fingered ones of the world. I've witnessed a few sights in my local one.
Once a throng gathered round the window, to see a young stoned gentleman pinned to the floor by two security guards, til the police arrived.
Another time a man who seemed not quite of this planet, covered in blood, swiped an entire shelf into his basket and casually strolled back out the store. The security guard saw everything you could hear him thinking, "I'm not f*cking touching him/they don't pay me enough"..and let him walk out the store with his booty.
Only a few months ago, a woman called out, "She's got my purse!" in the melee of a busy Saturday afternoon, as a thief hotfooted it out the store.
These are all from the one Poundland branch. I'd imagine tales such as these are quite common.