It is New Year's Eve, the last day of 2010, and this will be my last piece shared for this beautiful year. It is my sincerest desire that these words will remain with you, for always...

These Three Men They Bend Their Knees

This photo I took inside the Duomo in Piazza dei Miracoli (square of miracles) also

called Campo dei Miracoli (field of miracles) in Pisa, Italia, year 2010.

All rights reserved.

My Desideratum, Our Prayer

(December 31, 2010)

At the very beginning of the New Year of 2010- at the stroke of 12 AM- I announced to myself, to God, to the Heavens and over the earth: “This New Year of 2010 will be the best year of my life so far!” and it was. Now the year is at its very end and I can confidently and honestly say that this year for me has been the best year of my life, so far. At the stroke of twelve this year, I will declare the same thing. I will declare the best year; every year; and every year will be the best year of my life, so far. Am I ready for that? Yes I am ready for that.

We are all candles. Burning, we have each our flame in glory. May we always know that trying to blow out another’s flame won’t make ours shine any brighter. And may we be able to quickly remove the envious from our lives; the ones who are misled enough to think that trying to blow our flame out will make theirs shine brighter.

I am thankful for all the people who have thrown stones at me in the year 2010. I carry with me no grudges, no resentment, no anger, no hatred. Being hit with stones has made me realize just how delicious all of my manna from Heaven is! And the stones all gathered together at my feet on the ground have made me see- just how few they are- compared to all of the manna that has fallen upon me from Heaven!

When people do not recognize your worth; it is not because you are not worthy. When people do not recognize your flame; it is not because you are not shining so brightly. People who cannot recognize worth are blind. And the blind go nowhere. Those who cannot see your flame are inside an upside-down jar; they have consumed themselves with their own light and in their upside-down jar they have the only thing that they will ever know- themselves!

What I give today; I give freely and without limit. Because I know I have an everlasting, eternally- flowing source that I draw from. It never dries up and it is always more than what I can ever expect- God. If I produce anger today; I am not at a loss. If I am hurt today; this hurt will not wound me. If I give you all of my love; I do not fear; for tomorrow all of that will be replenished inside of me. If I share with you my wisdom, my joy, my glory and understanding; I lose nothing and I lack nothing for I am immediately restored. I am always healed. I am continuously replenished by my everlasting source. And if something is stolen from me today; tomorrow it will be returned to me doubled. Go ahead and try to steal from me! You have blessed me! For tomorrow I will have even more!

I am thankful for each time I do not know which foot to put in front of the other; for every instance that I do not know where to go. Because every one of these moments when I don’t know if there will be any surface for my feel to land on; Destiny paves the way for me and scatters that way with roses, lilies, lilacs, lavenders, and wildflowers!

For every time I am afraid- I will remain thankful; for each time I am afraid, I have been given the chance to be courageous! And all those times that I didn’t take the chance to be courageous and was a coward- these are my mistakes, these are my regrets. But I am still grateful; for, my mistakes have taught me the importance of always taking courage and always taking chances. Whether they may be the first chance or the second one. And in my years and lifetimes to follow, I will not make the same mistakes again.

I have met many people who have shown me things and taught me things I didn’t see and I didn’t know before. I have met people whom I aspire to become more like. I have met people who shine and who glow in all the glory of their being and I have caught those sparks and touched those glowing embers! Some of these people; I have barely known, some of these people like comets zoom by fast and are gone out of my life yet their burning lights remain with me. And some of these people... some of them stay. And I am most thankful for those who know how to stay. Glowing deeply and warmly, their burning embers are steadfast and true; they do not falter. They stay.

Beauty is not an option, it is not an accessory. Beauty is the essence of life and living; without it nothing is worthwhile. It is the final touches, the finishing qualities, the white in the light that captures and runs in the cracks and illuminates everything. It is the essence of what leaves nothing unturned and of what fills and swims on top of everything it passes by. It lingers far long after it has graced with it’s presence. Lifetimes long. Without beauty, there is no meaning, no story, no gist, no life. I will daily grow in beauty; everlasting and unfading. Continually.

My battles I have fought hard and to the best of my abilities. And my apologies I have made with a full, sincere heart. Wholeheartedly.

These declarations, these thankful offerings; these hands cupped together ready to receive and ready to give; this is my desideratum. This is our prayer.

Flight!
I took this photo atop Chiesa di San Pietro, Portovenere, Italian Riviera, Italia in the year 2010.
All rights reserved.

How To Fly

(December 19, 2010)

When I left, I left with absolutely no itinerary. I planned to go to Greece, and I somehow found myself in Rome! Most of the places that I visited- Siena, Portovenere, Le Cinque Terre, La Spezia, Monteriggioni, Drammen - I didn’t even know that any of these existed on the map! Yet I went to these places, and they turned out to be the answers to my many questions, the granting of my life-long dreams, and the most beautiful places that exist! And every day, I made a friend. I woke up in the morning alone and with no one to talk to, and later on I would make a friend.

I have learned that in life, we best not have an itinerary. Because our itineraries are based upon what we already know. When you live, what you want to do is you want to throw yourself out- fling yourself out- into the hands of God and destiny! God and destiny know far more than you do! And when you throw yourself out completely like this into the world, this is when and how and where you will find the things that you don’t know yet. The things you are still looking for. The answers. The rest of what is there that you are having trouble finding. Because you can’t find anything on your own by looking into the jar that you already have. You have to throw away your jar and say “Give me the sun!” You cannot find anything by looking at the paper that you have already written on. You must put your paper into a bottle, throw it into the ocean, and allow the waves and the sands and the winds to determine it's story!

Our itineraries and plans are based upon and exist within- our own limits. As I live- I don’t want to have limits- I want to see my limits disappear every day. To do this, I must take courage and fly. I take courage to throw myself into the unknown; into the hands of God and destiny. And because of this, I fly.

I would also like to share, how ten years ago on December 26, at 6:45 in the morning, the boy of my dreams was born. He is the boy of my dreams because long before I knew I would ever meet someone, get married, and have a son- this boy visited me continuously in my dreams at night. We were always together, even before we met on the day he was born. He never allowed me to be alone.

The first words I ever said to him, in my hospital room that morning were these words:

"You have more value than the whole world and everything in it, simply because God gave you that value. And nothing can ever, ever change that. You will always be more valuable than the whole world, and everything in it."

Today, I have a ten-year-old who is more responsible than I could ever imagine someone to be as responsible as, I have someone who I can truly admire, someone who teaches me things and looks out for me always. Someone who never puts himself first, even if he is a child. On the inside, he is not a child. On the inside, he has been around for a very long time!

I named him Gilead Israel. December the 26'th is his birthday, and I love him so. ♥ ♥

When I was at the wrap shoppe having my Christmas gift wrapped, I looked for a beautiful wrapper. I found one of roses stacked behind the wall. I had to roll two sliding doors away to find it. And I looked for the most beautiful red ribbon. I found the most red, most sparkling red satin ribbon hanging proudly among a multitude of others. As I stood in line, I watched the many people grab the brown wrapper with brown snowflakes on it; and then the brown ribbon that looked kind of like gold. They talked amongst themselves and said that it looked "classy." And while my gift was being wrapped, I felt all of their eyes look at the roses wrapped up in a big, beautiful red ribbon. I topped it off with a golden card. Everyone was quiet as they looked at my Christmas present. It's as if they felt something they hadn't felt in a very long time.

If people are unhappy, it is only because they do not know how to look for the paper roses, they don't see the reddest red ribbon and they don't like the little golden cards. We are all in the same wrap-shoppe in this life. But we are different. Because some of us are looking for the paper roses, choosing the reddest red ribbon... and picking up the little golden cards..

It's almost Christmas, everybody, and though this piece was not written with Christmas in mind, I think that it can cause Christmas to come to mind! I wrote this in March (as you can see by the date under the title) it is actually a dream I had which I wrote down upon awaking. I am thankful for the comforts and guidance that are given to me in my dreams, and now that it's Christmastime, the Holiday Season, may my piece comfort and guide you as well... Merry Christmas, and God bless us, everyone!

This photo I shot myself, belongs to me, and international copyright laws apply. Photo taken in

Portovenere, Italian Riviera, Italia. This is at the altar of San Pietro in the Chiesa di San Pietro.

I'd also like to share with you, how I have received the promotional texts for my upcoming book in which my book is said to be reminiscent of the timeless classics Wuthering Heights and Madame Bovary. Now, a book's promotional text is created by a third party writer whom the book's author has no direct communication with and can only discuss with the author by means of a middle-man (in this case is the publishing company) .. well, at least this is the policy of the Amazon publishing company I am publishing with.

I feel as if I can stop writing right now, and be happy and satisfied for the rest of my life- I personally consider nothing else to be a greater honor for my book than for it to be likened to Wuthering Heights and MadameBovary, two of the most influential and controversial timeless, classic novels of all time! And my book is a novella, yet it is being likened to these two full-length novels. I am very very very honored, I'm overjoyed, and completely happy, and very humbled. That is my dream right there, given to me! It is mine!

I just sat down and wrote this only a few minutes ago! I had no plans of sharing any of my writings today, but I want to share this one right away, so I am! I'd also like to share with you that my second book's press release is already prepared and ready to be released to the press! I read it, and I must say, reading the press release of your book, for the first time, is similar to looking at the ultrasound of your baby in your womb for the first time- such a thrill! I am in love!

I'd also like to take this moment to announce the very happy news of me having a second book on the way! I can't wait to hold my second book in my arms! And I want to express my gratitude to all of you who have been with me and have been supporting me since the beginning of my journey with my first book, until now, and I look forward to going on this journey of birthing (publishing) my second one, with all of you, and now even more of you! So much joy ahead!

It Is Her
This photo of me taken by photographer Francesca Petringa of Milano, Italia. Taken in Portovenere (Port of Venus), Italian Riviera, Italia. The year 2010.
All rights reserved.

When The Angels…

(Feb. 9, 2010)

She fell from the heavens

On a dark night

When the angels sighed

With their breaths of

Faith and Hope and Love

Onto a castle in the dark

Of night she cascaded

Down amongst the stars

Falling, landing, resting on

The castle gate of limestone

In the Ligurian Sea

In the dark.

When the angels sighed.

* I wrote this in February of this year. The original piece did not have the line "In the Ligurian Sea" this line was added later, after my return from the Italian Riviera in the Ligurian. This is the only difference from the original piece written in February.

I have many brothers and sisters. My brothers are white and my sisters are black. I have many cousins, aunts, and uncles. My cousins are yellow, my aunts are brown, and my uncles are red. I have many mothers and fathers. My mothers are caramel and my fathers are orange. This is my family. We may not share the same blood, but we share the same air that we breathe! We may not go to the same church, but we are all created by the same God. You are my brother. You are my sister. You are my cousin. You are my uncle. You are my aunt. You are my mother. You are my father. We live by the same air. The children of one God.

Quiver like the string in the tight-stretched bow! And then let go! Pierce the bull’s eye! Quiver! Quiver! Shake and quiver! For the power within you is great! And then fly!

Imprint. Emerge. Sculpt your face in the winds! You human of many colours! Sculpt your image! Carve it into the air for eternity’s heritage! You human who is not bound and bridled by one borderline! You human who is not traced in by lines drawn onto the map!

I eat the countries’ borders drawn neatly on the map! I pick them up and they slither together as a thing of no form! I bury the limits of man into the sands to watch them slowly die.

You man of many colors! Arise! Unfold your wings! The wings of the Phoenix! And burn your name into the skies of before, of here, and of after and evermore! Burn your name and may it be burned into the air in many colours! And may your colours be your legacy for the coloured eyes of mankind to see! And may God our creator look at you and see – a beautiful flight of fiery dancing wings aflame etching the skies! And may God feel this heat. The God of eyes that have no colour! May your colours burn and He feel the warmth against His face!

“Having a son is a commitment. But it’s not one that I figure out, or reason with, or rationalize about. It is an instant commitment. A commitment which is made with every piece of skin on my body. My blood, my flesh, my skin— it all runs after my son and takes ahold of him— always. When I look at him, when I stand beside him, when I am with him— there is no difference I feel between him and I, except for the fact that I love him more than myself and that he is more amazing. There are no lines. There is no pretension. There are no differences, there are no separations and there is nothing to be distinguished. We are us. And that’s just the way that it is. We are us.”

“That is powerful. Very powerful. I can feel it.”

“Yes it is.”

“Is this the most powerful thing? To have a son?”

“I compare it to nothing. So I make no comparisons. We are us. This is ours. Ours is mine. Mine is his. We are what we are, and there is nothing to compare, there are no comparisons!”

“This sounds significant!”

“This is significant! This is defiant. This is almost rebellious. It is. And it is on the verge of so many other wonderful things; like an overwhelming tenacity, a complete veracity. To have a son is something which does not fall into a level of anything else which exists. Because there are no levels. It is simply what it is. And this simple matter cannot in a million years be replaced by anything or anyone else.”

I don’t despise atheists. In fact, there is something wonderful about the soul of the atheist. The atheist possesses an inner awareness of the majesty and glory and true power of God. And he simply does not see this in the God prepared by organized religion in churches and fed to people in churches and in religion classes in school and in Sunday School. He cannot reconcile his inner awareness of who God is, with the God as wrapped up and prepared and presented by organized religion. There is a disparity. A separation. And because of this he tells himself that he does not believe in God and therefore categorizes himself into an atheist or one who does not believe in God.

But to you I say– what makes you think that God wants to be watered down and prepared and cut up and molded and tied down and shaped and washed and then served in a church? What makes you think that the God they speak of is what God really is? Do not think that God is happy to be taken and defined and used as a tool to control people and earn money.

The atheist thinks he does not believe in God. But I don’t believe in the God that he doesn’t believe in, either. I believe in the God that he will accept no other versions of.

The atheist is not evil. The atheist possesses the innocence of a child who has been separated from his true father and will accept no other replacements for. He walks around refusing to be fostered by any replacements. He only needs to know that his real Father is there. Yes, there is a certain rebellion. But this is the rebellion of love.

If you want to glow with beauty; make sure that everything you do is done from the heart. If you want to have gorgeous eyes; when you look at others look into their souls, past everything else and look straight into their souls. If you want to be unforgettable; always remember others. Remember others for who they are and never forget their importance, even down to the smallest importance.

If you want grace and class; be sure to always own the inner desire to touch people in such a way that they may meet the angels and Heaven in your embrace.

If you want to be famous; always walk with the knowledge that people may very well be far more wonderful than you think they are.

Forget about being a sudden spark and a floating, flickering flame that is easily blown away. Instead, desire to be imprinted upon every soul that you meet, and to leave your imprints upon every beautiful patch of air that you breathe.

If you want to be loved and cherished, desire to love and desire to cherish and desire these with a burning passion.

Set In Stone, Carved In Time
I took this photo myself with use of my little tripod in the Chiesa di San Pietro
(formerly the Temple of Venus), Portovenere, Italian Riviera, Italia in the year 2010.
All rights reserved.

GentleThis photo I took of myself in Chiesa di San Pietro (Church of Saint Peter) in Portovenere (Port of Venus), Italia. The Church of Saint Peter is what has now taken the place of the Temple of Venus, which used to stand upon this ground. Apparently, Catholicism tore down Venus's "pagan" temple.
All rights reserved.

Photos below are all taken in the site of Chiesa di San Pietro (the Temple of Venus)...

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"I am a flawed person. A brook with many stones, a clear blue sky with many blackbirds. I have many shortcomings. A rainbow that’s not long enough, a starry night with clouds. But I can only be thankful to the God who loves me just this way, and I can only be grateful to the people in my life who accept the clear blue sky with many blackbirds and who are patient with the rainbow that isn’t long enough. And because of this, I am taught love, because of this I love my God, and I love these people."— C. JoyBell C.

DISCLAIMER

This blog is not an online diary. Anything reflected through my writings here, do not necessarily mirror my present emotional, mental, or physical state, unless directly stated. Furthermore, any resemblances to you or to anyone you know, is purely coincidental and is not a result of me creating any "blind items" about you or your loved ones and friends. Moreover, your reading of my writings does not constitute a marriage, personal relationship, or personal friendship, between us.