The Perfect Theme Song For Every President, Because Thomas Jefferson & "Timber" Go Beautifully Together

We all know Beyoncé and President Barack Obama are tight. If Obama had to pick a theme song for himself, I hope it would be "Run the World" — "My persuasion can build a nation" — and Beyoncé would personally perform it everywhere he went (when it works for her, of course; she's a busy woman). This politician-pop singer duo is a no-brainer.

But not every president has had the good fortune to be friends with such top-tier musicians. In fact, most presidents served before Beyoncé was even alive (I know, it's hard to think about that time). What music did those former presidents like, if any? More importantly, what musicians would they listen to — and commission personal concerts from — if they were serving today? Because presidents are people too, we decided to look into it. Some revealed themselves to be R&B lovers, others devoted Swifties, and still others the kind of person who only listens to ambient music and John Cage because they don't believe in melody or lyricism.

You might be surprised by your favorite president's selection. Hopefully, you will make a playlist of these songs, and it will help you remember the presidents in order — stopping to think for an extra moment about a young John F. Kennedy.

Judge for yourself what each pick means about each president. No theme song is better than any other. Everyone deserves a theme song, even William Henry Harrison.

Thomas Jefferson: "Timber"

“I’m goin’ out tonight to get the things that I need. I’m gonna take what’s mine and do it viciously.” Jefferson was not fooling around, and neither is Kesha — she got real about dropping the dollar sign from her name, and Jefferson got serious about individual rights. These two would be pals.

James Monroe: "Bridge Over Troubled Water"

Monroe was a great negotiator — he helped negotiate the Louisiana Purchase. He would appreciate a good song about being a peacemaker. He also seems like a Simon & Garfunkel type — reserved, skinny, white.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

John Quincy Adams: "Sensitive Artist"

In this song, the sensitive artists of King Missile shout and whine about how “nobody understands me because I am so deep.” This sounds like something Adams might have written in his diary. No one understood him, and Congress blocked him. True words stolen from Adams and put in this song: “I stay home reading books that are beneath me and working on my work, which no one understands.”

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Andrew Jackson: "Clique"

Jackson believed in the power of the clique: His presidency marked the beginning of the spoils system in American politics, in which new presidents staff the White House with their friends. This is something Kanye West would definitely do and is probably planning to do.

Jackson also looks a lot like he has been living this song: “It’s grind day, from Friday to next Friday. I been up straight for nine days, I need a spa day.”

(Side note: Why does Andrew Jackson look so much like President Walker from House of Cards? Reincarnation?)

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Martin Van Buren: "Ballad of a Thin Man"

His opponents called him “Martin Van Ruin” because he wasn’t super good at handling financial matters. He was scapegoated for the economic depression of his time, and probably would have spent a lot of time drinking and listening to this song.

“You raise up your headAnd you ask, ‘Is this where it is?’And somebody points to you and says‘It’s his’And you say, ‘What’s mine?And somebody else says, ‘Where what is?’And you say, ‘Oh my GodAm I here all alone?’”

Image: Wikimedia Commons

William Henry Harrison: "15 Minutes"

Poor Harrison was only in office for a short period of time — he died of pneumonia after 32 days as president. The song goes, “I’m happy with my fix of fame. When I’ve had my fill, I get my life back.” Maybe Harrison is happier this way — he at least got his 15 minutes of fame.

Chester A. Arthur - "Ships in the Night"

Arthur took pride in presiding over the U.S. Navy, but he was criticized for failing to handle the accumulation of the federal budget surplus. Seems his good deeds were overlooked … just like ships in the night.

Grover Cleveland - "Oops I Did It Again"

William McKinley - "Gold"

Much like this very temporary chart-topper, McKinley was very invested in the gold standard. Unlike Britt — yes, there are differences — McKinley wanted to avoid inflation, whereas Britt wants to inflate people’s egos.

Warren G. Harding - "Rockstar"

Harding advocated for a “return to normalcy” after World War I, but he was far from average. He was a thoroughly modern president who believed in actual rights for women and African Americans. He also had great eyebrows. He might even be a rock star.

Harry S. Truman - "War"

Truman was president through years of war and probably could have listened to this song before authorizing the use of atomic weapons against Japan.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Dwight D. Eisenhower - "E.T."

“E.T.” - Katy Perry

Eisenhower authorized the establishment of NASA. What did he hope to gain from this? Ostensibly superiority over the Russians, but he probably also wanted to see if there were any extraterrestrials out there.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

John F. Kennedy - "So Nice So Smart"

Nothing gold can stay. As Dawson sings, “You’re so nice and you’re so smart. You’re such a good friend I had to break your heart.” Kennedy’s assassination broke millions of hearts when it stole away a nice and smart (and, let’s face it, good-looking) president.

Lyndon B. Johnson - "Birthday"

Johnson was known for his abrasive and domineering personality, but he surely had insecurities just like the rest of us — he certainly felt insecure about escalating the Vietnam War. Johnson probably would have used Gomez’s song to pump himself up in the morning, along with his daily affirmations.

Gerald Ford - "You're Not Sorry"

Ford gave his predecessor Nixon a pardon for… well, everything. But I like to think that Ford knew Nixon wasn’t sorry about Watergate. Even while he was pardoning him, Ford was thinking Swift-esque thoughts.