The almost true exploits of an intrepid spinster and her stitching...and all of the things that make up her crazy, happy, quiet little life.

Feb 12, 2015

NINE HUNDRED NINETY NINE. AND A HALF.

So I'm looking at the darn Google thingie (a few weeks ago, as it would happen), and it told me that I had written 999 blog posts.

"Holey Schmoley!", I said.

And then I got in the Happy Chair and I started fretting about number 1000.

It got bad enough that when Aunt Chrissy and I went to the TGI Fridays for dinner at 3:00 this afternoon (because that's how WE roll in the big city), I decided to get her loving, wise, sisterly advice.

(OK, so maybe that really wasn't the reason, but rather it was because she was paying for dinner and I felt really bad about it because I am the big sister and hapless matriarch of this little goat rodeo we call a family and it's my job to keep us in Arnold Palmers and cheeseburgers.)

But I digress.

So I says to Aunt Chrissy...."You know, I've been giving something a lot of thought. I feel like I created a character called the Spinster Stitcher and that I go on my blog and live in this world with all of these amazing and wonderful and perfect people (that would be all of yous, by the way)....(oh wait, except maybe not Betty and the damn 13-year old who keeps hacking me with p.o.r.n.)...but for the most part, Spinster Stitcher is just that...a character. Am I really being authentic? Am I really letting people know ME? Am I afraid that if I really shared my true self there would be a mass exodus and I would be left here, standing in a dark and deserted parking lot (I mean, come on, can you think of anything scarier?) (except maybe thunderstorms) (or cockroaches). So I'm thinking that for my 1000'ndth blog post I'm going to tell my T."

It was at this point that Aunt Chrissy snorted a little bit of her cheeseburger out, daintily dabbed at her mouth, and said "Have you been watching The Lady Chablis in Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil again?"

(The truth of the matter is that....why yes, yes I have.)

(The Lady Chablis is fabulous. Talk about a "character". She is a drag queen in Savannah, Georgia, and her T is that her real name is Frank.)

But I....you know.

"I just feel like I want to tell everybody everything there is to know about me and to make sure that I'm presenting myself to all of my faithful readers (insert more snorting of the cheeseburger here) and that maybe a few of them will appreciate my honesty and integrity and courage to bear it all and it will inspire them to be brave or take a chance or do that thing they want to do, but can't. I want to make a difference in the world, Aunt Chrissy, and I think my blog is the place for me to do that."

So I listened very carefully to everything Aunt Chrissy had to say (which, remarkably, sounded like blah blah blah blah blah) and I came home to write post number 1000.

I was on a roll, I tell ya. Fingers flying, confessions confessing, T's all over the damn place.

And then Stewey walked in.

"Mo-ther. What's all of this nonsense I hear about you committing acts of unspeakable horror on our blog?"

(You'll notice I let that one go, by the way. OUR blog?)

"Stewey, Mommie wants to live a real life. Mommie loves her faithful readers and wants them to know the real and authentic and true person....not some crazy lunatic with a talking dog and enough facial hair to grow a pashmina. I've carefully crafted 999 blog posts and I want number 1000 to be special, Stewey. I want the world to know how much their kindness, and friendship, and thoughtfulness, and love have meant to me, and I feel like number 1000 is the perfect place to do that."

(It was at this point that I realized that Little Lord Fauntleroy had not heard one single word I had said because he was too busy peering through his little spectacles at his iPad.)

29 comments:

Coni - I seriously would not want to get up in the morning if I knew you weren't there. We've never met in person, but you are my stitchey sister, best crafty friend, my cheerer-upper when I'm down, and the most wonderful neighbor in the world--even though you are at least six states away. I love your sense of humor (so close to mine) and that you are a portly lady (I'm probably a little more portly) and that you are a spinster with a doggie (I'm a spinster with a kitty). We could be twins!!! Well...I'm your much older twin. ;-) Thank you so much for being you!Pamela in Arizona (where it's 80 degrees)

Don't ever change - or be anything other than who we love! Portly, yes, me too, stitchy, yes, me too, except for being much older than you, I could probably be a twin to you and Pamela in Arizona. But that would make us triplets....shhh, don't tell Stewy there are more of us! ((((((hugs)))))

Excellent article… i just came across ur blog and loving ur articles… as a newbies into blogging… its great to come across such knowledgeable blogs early in ur career to avoid some mistakes and increase chances of success… Keep up the good work dear.. cheers..

I LOVE reading your post. I get chuckles and sometimes out right laughter...what could possibly be better than that. I love Stewey too. I understand, my little Shadow talks to me too.Glad you continue with your wonderful blog.Judy

Another avid reader here in the uk. You have a wonderful way with words.I alway read your posts,all the humourous ones, the sombre ones and love seeing your stitching progress,not to mention Aunt Chrissie and Stewey. Happy soon to be 1000 th post

Congratulations, Great work and 1000 more! I don't think I have 999 different things to say nor will I ever get close to this milestone. I love your humor, when I see a new post from you I know I am going to smile and be uplifted. Thank you.

Coni, Coni, Coni...the truth? I can't handle the truth! Don't tell me little Stewey doesn't have reading glasses, an iPad, a smoking jacket and doesn't call you Mo-ther? Don't let me know that you are, in fact, not portly nor a spinster? That your sister's given name is not really Aunt Chrissy? If there was a ledge nearby I might have to jump. Luckily for you I live in an area with only 1 story buildings.

Wow - what an impressive amount of blog posts Coni! Congratulations! I'm always happy when I see a new post from you. You entertain and inspire us and we certainly need that in this crazy world we live in. On the thoughtful side of things.....I think I can understand a bit of what you're feeling. We all have an "online persona" and sometimes we might feel a little guilty about the way we present ourselves thinking people only know what we tell them about us. But that's reality......we all have things in our private lives that we don't want the world to read on our blogs. Maybe we have relationship issues, job or health troubles, etc. Remember our blogs are mostly for discussing the passion we have for our hobbies and we aren't on the witness stand having to bare our souls about everything. Blessings to you and I look forward to post 1000!

Coni dear ~ If what you contemplate means you will jettison your whimsical self with complimentary accessories, including Sister, haberdasherers delight dogand just the general hilarity....I opt for putting the realself up in the attic (ala Dorian) and continuing to bloom as an ageless,somewhat portly and irresistible Friend to the many who bask in your glow. Blessings