Tuesday, 19 June 2012

The Hard Way

People always ask me what "the hard way" is. It is shocking how many tenants I give the speech to DON'T ask me what that "hard way" is....maybe I am scary...maybe they can sense my power...maybe they are just to stupid to throw a well constructed sentence together?

So...what IS the hard way? I use the Italian Donkey for an example:

I collected letters from neighbour below his suite, across the hall, and next to him (I already have one).

These letters list him disturbing the quiet enjoyment and threatening the health and safety. I get a copy of the 2 police reports and I also write a letter regarding his late payment of rent 3 or more times within the last 10 month and add to the health and safety issue and note that he is chain smoking inside his apartment. This also now become a damage issue. I give his an apt inspection letter....enter and proceed to take photos of all the nicotine stains on the walls, ceilings, windows, etc. and any other damage that I see.

I put together a pretty little package....which in all reality takes me a couple phone calls and about an hour to do. I march over to his door, give him a 30 day eviction notice and how him the package. Tell him what is happening....cause ya know...I dig ruining a dudes day.

He has two option:1- Take it and move. Uses me as a reference...I am honest. Has issues finding a place because of shitty reference but then learns to not give my name. Clean his apt from top to bottom, make no further issues. Spends hours upon hours trying to rid the apt of all traces of cig smoke...he'll be lucky to get half his deposit back. But, he will leave with his tail between his legs...if he has found a place.

2-Fight it. Fine. This is my fav! He has to take the day off work and go to the Tenancy and to file a wrongful eviction. He pays $50 (which, I know he doesn't have). I get notification and file my own package (see above) with all the reasons I have to evict. At the same time, I also file for an order of possession (which allows me to call a bailiff, claim his shit if he doesnt move, and have the police physically remove him-so much FUN! I love it when dudes cry). We have our arbitration case lay it all out...I must add, this is like clockwork for me. I always win. I Know my shit. This dude goes apeshit on the phone...cause lets face it, they all do. Not only do I win my case, but now he loses his security deposit, has refunds me my $50 that I have to pay to file an eviction notice, I charge him for all the damage and not cleaning (note: I dont hire cheap people), and he has no place to live because not only do I give him a terrible reference, but I also register it on the Tenant Verification website.

So this dude is having to take days off work to file his case, to go to arbitration, and now to find a place b/c with the order of possession, the branch only gives you like 10 days. Meanwhile, I have all the time in the world for a little entertainment.

Wanna fuck up a dudes week, take his house and make him pay you for it.

So remember, when I say do you want the hard way or easy way...Always take the easy way. I don't fuck around...it is truly the easy way. At least then, you get fake smile, maybe a hand shake, and I'll give you and okay reference...hell, you may ever get some of your deposit back. Cause lets put it simple...it aint my money and in the grand of things, a few hundred dollars to the building owners means shit...BUT, a few hundred dollars to a dude that can barely make his rent now is going to fuck him.

And don't forget...I always win. I don't go into a fight unless I know I'm going to win it.

As for the Donkey (above), he got an extra month, he got the smile, and the handshake. Loses about $100 in cleaning (he did an okay job) and can go on living his life with little disruption.

At the end of the day, I don't give a fuck...just get the fuck out. You do it or I do it. The end result will be the same.