Friday, May 29, 2009

In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: "Barocky Road."

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you.

You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

My man Mark Twain once wrote:"A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful." From 'Tom Sawyer Abroad'

So... Did this man learn a memorable lesson?(Be sure to watch until the end...)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Keep moving.People get tickets all the time. If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all- No need to slow down, point and/or gawk.Keep your eyes on the traffic in front of you, maintain a safe speed and act normal.

So, every other state in the Union can get by with mile markers at (go figure) one mile intervals...Why do you think Virginia needs markers spaced 2/10ths of a mile apart? Are Virginians geographically challenged and need a farking 'you are here' sign at all times?(Really, 5 of these jewels every mile in VA?)

Could it be that some relative of a VDOT official has a road sign making/installing company?Or is it because they needed a better boondoggle than Georgia's monopoly on orange traffic cones/barriers/barrels...

You're applying eyeliner while driving your BMW SUV at 50 miles per... The speed limit is 60 and people are usually going 65 or 70...Someone is going to rear-end you (and not in the good way IYKWIM wink-wink) and that eyeliner applicator is going to be a permanent part of your left eye.(This will probably necessitate a completely different kind of makeup, and perhaps you will refrain from putting it on while you are heading to work...)

And I don't know if you were singing, talking to someone hands-free, or just in a heated conversation with the voices in your head, but knock it off- it looked like you were going into a full-goose-bozo hissyfit as I was passing you... It was frightening.Don't do that, it scares the rest of us that are trying to get to work in one piece, unscathed by psychotic eye-makeup-applying American Idol Wannabes.

Oh, and lose the PeTA sticker in the back window, it clashes with your leather seats.

Monday, May 11, 2009

I especially loved:"If you're wondering why the president is in a good mood, it's because he's glad to be finished with his annual physical. During his colonoscopy doctors removed two benign polyps and the White House Press Corps."

The US Government is going to take over the American car industry. I can predict the result - a light-weight, compact vehicle with a small carbon footprint using sustainable alternative energy. When I was a kid we called it a bike.....I have many charming leftist friends. They're lovely people - as long as they keep their nose out of things they don't understand. Such as making a living........First, he appoints a Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, who thinks "foreign affairs" means her husband is overseas.....So far, the best Obama has been able to do by way of an Iraq policy is to make what I think of as the "high school sex promise" : "I'll pull out in time, honest, Honey."....

Sunday, May 03, 2009

First Mate: "Captain, I've got good news and bad news."
Captain Rick: "Give me the bad."
1st: "There's a huge hole in the port hull."
Capt: "What's the good news, then?"
1st: "All that water pouring in has put out the fire in the engine room."

Exercise Your 2nd Amendment Rights

Do you have a firearm that you have purchased for home protection, but are not comfortable with your ability to safely maintain, load and fire it?
Uncle Jay would be glad to help.
If you've never shot a firearm or would like an introduction into shooting sports, just let me know.
I can arrange range time and can give you practical assistance in learning about guns, or help you with your personal protection firearm.

Always remember the 5 rules:

1. Always treat a firearms as if it is loaded.
2. Never point a firearm at anyone or anything that you do not intend to kill or destroy.
3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to shoot.
4. Know your target and what is beyond the target.
5. Don't be a dick.

You can violate one of the rules and you might survive; If you break two of the rules, someone could be hurt or killed.
Violate the 5th rule and the person hurt or killed will probably be you.
Always remember: You are personally responsible for anything that happens while a gun is in your hands.

Ex Libiris

People who should have better judgement than to be following a subversive bastard like Yours Truly