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I went in for a throat problem with the tonsil and had to fill out health history. I debated whether I should put HIV+ on there but finally decided to be thorough just in case of any related problems.

The doctor was in her 50, quite pleasant, but asked me this weird question "Did you get HIV from your lifestyle?". Twice. I ignored her the first time but finally said "yes" the second time. She was intrigued of how I was being treated and admitted that she was ignorant on the subject. I gave her the intro of what HAART was and etc. When it came to my tonsils and whether or not I should have them removed, she said because of my HIV+, she wouldn't do it (she used the word "they wouldn't") due to risks of infection and how she had cut herself during operations and the like. I didn't response to that nor I felt offended. Just thought she was a little too ignorant for her profession.

Anyway, that's the first incident regarding my HIV+ status disclosure so I thought I would share.

Wow , that is really unfortunate you found yourself being treated by a doctor like that .

I hope you go and get another opinion from a doc that's not scared to do their job . I had a hernia that was very obvious and sticking out of my belly once that a surgeon said he couldn't find after I told him I was poz . The worst part was my infectious disease doctor was the one who referred me to him .

I left his office and went to the emergency room and had my hernia surgery the next day .

BTW, don't let that be your last medical disclosure -- fortunately, it's not usually that bad a reception. She needs some education in HIV and bedside/tableside manner, no doubt of it.

Absolutely, I hope this doesnt keep you from disclosing to other doctors. The great majority of time when you disclose your status to another doctor you will receive a positive response. In fact just a month ago I saw a new dermatologist. One of the first things I told her was I was HIV positive. The way she handled it and how she treated me was so outstanding. Really, its unfortionate this happened to you. Its not always like this.

I asked my ID doc if I should disclose to other docs... he said that I should. He said if I go to like a chiropractor, though, no need - but in general, yes, he said give them the full and complete picture. He also told me to let him know when I was going to see a specialist as some ARE ignorant. He went on to tell me that some in town he would not recommend regarding disclosure of HIV and he said that he would always be honest with me on who is okay and who isn't.

While it shouldn't be that way!!!!... the reality is, that it is. Not sure what sort of relationship you have with your doc... but maybe give him a list of docs you are interested in seeing and see if he can give a thumbs up or down to who is on your list.

Sorry you experienced that! I am sure I will too at some point - not ready for it.

I think every positive person should have a prepared improper answer for this kind of improper question.

A school teacher friend of mine gave me a good question that fits this situation and a host of others in life when someone asks THAT question that drives your adrenaline-maker.

Simply, calmly, genuinely, eyes right on the subject, say "Why do you ask?" It's a stunner for most people and for those whose egos are running the show they scramble to fill the air with words of justification for the intrusion they know they launched. It's a fascinating and effective way to take swift control of the situation. Just sit back and listen to the silence or babble.

It gives you breathing room and the time to figure out if you're leaving or responding with " Your question is not appropriate, or not relevant, or is in poor taste, or reflects your lack of knowledge on the topic, or thank you for sharing your thinking with me, or "....nothing.

It sucks that you had to deal with her ignorance. I'd find another doctor.

That's what I'm afraid of, and also recently had an appointment with an ENT doc. I chose not to disclose just because the doctor is affiliated with my employer. Surprisingly though, she already had my medications listed in the chart. I don't know how that happened since I never listed them anywhere.

I felt bad about not disclosing afterwards, to be honest. I'm wondering if I should let her know at the next visit.

I continue to be amazed at the ignorance and lack of empathy from some medical professionals. I had one at the HIV clinic I go to say something like, "Well, this is what happens when you live dangerously." I can't remember her exact quote, but it was something very similar to that. It was totally uncalled for and not necessary.

My best friend sees a therapist at the VA hospital. Due to not having enough psychiatrists, they use therapists and then have a psychiatrist write the prescriptions. The psychiatrist told him being gay is not natural and that he just needed a girlfriend to help his depression. He's always afraid to stir things up, so he just let it go. I told him she needs to be reported. She's going to say that to someone having a hard time dealing with their sexuality, and I fear something bad may happen. If not suicide, it could cause huge damage, by reinforcing what they are feeling/hearing that being gay is wrong. She said it again at another appt. Then, she asked who he lives with, and he said a couple. Well, she wanted to know whether it was a male/female couple. He said a male couple, and she said he should find a different living situation. He finally asked to be transferred to someone else, but is still reluctant to report her.

I think I may report her, if he doesn't. When I was looking through the profiles of local psychiatrists/therapists, I was surprised at the number who said they prefer to see Christian patients--saying they believe treatment should also be based on the Bible. I'm glad they are upfront about it, so you know what you're getting by going to them. I can only imagine what she would be telling him, if he was HIV poz.