1995 Darwin Awards

Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.

FishMan
1995 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

"Fish-Impersonation Deaths On the Rise in Melbourne"

(29 November 1995, Australia) The badly decomposed remains of Neil of
Melbourne were discovered in a paddock near Toolondo Reservoir Neil's death
was shrouded in mystery, tragedy, and a fish suit.

Local law enforcement officials said the 49-year-old man was wearing a
"heavy green plastic bodysuit," constructed from old waterbed material.
The suit, from which one could only be extricated painstakingly after
unfastening a full-length zipper along the spine, constricted his legs into
one mermaid-esque tail. The only openings, aside from the zipper, were two
eyeholes.

Neil's garb, enclosing his entire body like a maritime mummy costume,
restricted his breathing as well as his movement. He was discovered in
this attire, which the Melbourne Fish Costume Bureau stresses was "not
approved," less than a kilometer from Toolondo Lake. He apparently had
attempted to swim home.

A second yellow-colored suit was found in his garage.

The psychological motivation for Neil's fatal excursion remains
unclear. Police have learned that he was taking medications for epilepsy
and diabetes at the time, and speculate that his behavior may have had a
chemical basis, but locals have their own theories about the aquatic
abberation.

"He wanted to be a fish," disclosed one unnamed resident, recalling
incidents in which Wilson would swing from a rope while wearing the suit at
the lake. Other comments from the Australian community included "bollocks"
and "criminey."

Wilson's death brings the Melbourne fish impersonation fatality toll to
one, up infinity percent from zero in the previous year.

Arnold Norris says, "I searched the online archive of the rival
Melbourne newspaper to confirm this story. (I was too cheap to pay the
full $2.20!) "Tragic tale of a man who wanted to be a fish" -- NOBODY
knows why Neil, 49, liked to pretend to be a fish. When he was found dead
in a meticulously made fish-suit near his family's Toolondo holiday home,
it opened a case that police Say Remains One Of The Most Baffling. (899
words)"