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The Catastrophe of Congealed Cheese

This post is part of the “Blogging from A-Z April Challenge”! The “C” themed inspiration for today is “congealed cheese.” Enjoy!

Admittedly, I was born a picky eater. I was raised almost entirely on toast. By the age of four I was hiding in my room during meals on hunger strike, because there’s no going back once you tell your child that their burger meat is dead cow. I’ve been vegetarian ever since.

Fine.

And though I’ve gotten better, if there is one thing I still cannot stand, it is melted cheese.

I avoid pizza and macaroni and paninis very well, but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve ordered a meal at a restaurant only to not be able to finish upon discovery of melted cheese seemingly innocently included in the dish.

Not fine.

I won’t deny it, melted cheese gives me anxiety. The way it forms gooey bridges from slices of pizza into mouths, dangles from fondue forks, or slips goopily over the edges of grilled cheese sandwiches; oh, it’s the stuff of nightmares.

The imagery is the worst. Just imagine it slowly worming it’s way down your throat, coating your stomach, congealing in your intestines.

And while melted cheese is terrifying, what really strikes fear into my heart is melted cheese that is congealed. Also know as zombie cheese. Cheese that has died and come back to life. I am happy to spend my life sulking at parties, collecting unwanted pizza crusts, so long as I never have to eat such a strange and unnatural substance as melted, or God forbid, congealed cheese myself.

Pure evil.

There is a purpose in me telling you this. Dangle your stringy cheese in my face one more time, and I may have to lash out as a means of protection. Protect yourself. It’s your choice to invite melted mozzarella monsters willingly into your body. Just, please, keep your evil cheese to yourself.

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Do you have any strange fears or food issues?

(Coming up tomorrow on The A-Z Challenge: ‘D’ is for “Devotion”.)Powered by Linky Tools