Thursday, September 29, 2011

Holy crap!Can you believe that we are 3/4 of the way done?!?In a lot of ways I feel like we just found out Megan was pregnant!We are at 31 weeks and 4 days today.Megan is a real trooper, but I would imagine things are getting a little crowded in there.However, she looks great and keeps a smile on her face, even though she would be well within her rights to take it all out on Tony.

I gotta tell ya, I definitely have the better end of the deal.I get to feel Zoey kick every day.I wish Tony could experience it as often as I do.He makes the cutest faces whenever he experiences something like that.No matter what is going on in my life, when I feel those little movements I can’t help but smile.Our whole world is in there.She is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am humbled by the emotions her kicks stir in me.

I was thinking this morning about how things have changed since I first chose my children’s names in high school… what?Don’t all men do that?In High School I wanted to name my girl Britney Nicole and my boy Vincent Neil (yes, I am ashamed to say that I was madly and deeply in love with the lead singer of Motley Crue).Then I went through this James Dean phase and wanted to name my boy James Dean and my daughter Dylan Marie (to match my niece’s name Devyn Marie).It occurred to me how weird it is that even though her name is not going to be what I thought it was all those years ago, the dream of her has always been there.Soon Tony and I will be welcoming our daughter into this world.Wow….

I LOVE kid’s Birthday parties!The noise, the chaos, the people, it’s all very exciting!Megan’s daughter turned 5, and we were fortunate enough to be invited to her party.I don’t know if I have mentioned it or not, but S is incredibly adorable, and luckily she and I seem to have moved past the unfortunate Barbie movie incident (PHEEEW!).She was even cuter than normal on this day though and I was impressed with how polite she is for a 5 year old.As she sat on her chair, surrounded by what can only be described as a SHIT TON of presents, she took her time opening each one and thanking each person after opening the gift.SHE EVEN OPENED THE CARDS FIRST AND “OOOHED AND AHHHHED”.I STILL rip open the card, look for any money or cash, and that throw that sucker aside so I can rip into the present.

Speaking of presents, it’s always a little tricky with kid’s parties.I am always worried that the kid will open our gifts and say “I have like 10 of these!!!”Or “That’s for BABIES!”or something.Thankfully she enjoyed the presents.

This was also the first time we have met Megan’s extended family.I have to admit I was a TOTAL wreck about this.I mean here is there granddaughter, niece, cousin, etc. and she is pregnant… by two GAY men.As it turned out I should have known I had nothing to worry about, after all these are the women that Megan comes from.Everyone was full of smiles, and hugs, and “CONGRATULATIONS”.It was beyond amazing.The outpouring of support was incredible.They all just welcomed us in and are excited to love this baby.It was cool to see the line of women that Zoey is a part of.To experience the love and strength that pours out of these women.

It makes me feel good to know that Zoey is a part of them, and that they are a part of her.She will be an unstoppable force.

Friday, September 16, 2011

I felt you kick.I felt your movements for the first time and I have no words for how amazing it felt.I hear from parents all the time that there is no way you can be prepared for how much you can be prepared for the love you will feel for your child at birth.I believe that, but I am still taken a back by how much I love you now. Feeling you kick was the best moment of my life. Papa was there and he felt it too, and I could tell that he was as impacted as I was. Feeling you move inside Megan’s belly was like everything in that moment was right and good and perfect. Our love, Your Papa's, Mama Megan's, and mine created you. You are safe and healthy. My life is perfect.

You moved.Your little foot reached out and touched my hand, and in that moment all of this made sense.I love you my daughter.My little Zoey.

Monday, September 12, 2011

My mom is the cutest little nugget you have ever seen.She really really wanted to buy Zoey’s coming home dress.This was a huge deal for her.I didn’t realize until the morning of that it was huge for me as well.To be doing something so traditional, yet something that so many people take for granted, as shopping for your child’s homecoming dress with your mom… man, I tell you.Here is the proud grandmother with the dress and hat we chose.

Tony and I are definitely in trouble!When I went to pick up my mom for our shopping adventure she pulled out the “odds and ends” she has picked up for Zoey.Odds and ends?So after the forklift dropped off the CRATE of stuff, I realized that Zoey has an entire wardrobe for both next spring and next summer.Not to mention lamps and teddy bears and a BIG red dog named Clifford!Man she isn’t even here yet and she has Grandma and Grandpa WRAPPED up!The truth is I cannot wait to see them with her.

In other news Megan’s birthday was YESTERDAY!She is currently on a trip, so we didn’t get to see her and had to make sure she had her gift prior to leaving (okay, truth is I am HORRIBLE at waiting till the actual day to give presents).Here is further proof of the AMAZING person our surrogate is, as if “surrogate” didn’t already say it enough.I was teasing her a few weeks ago about buying an acre of rain forest on her name.And she says to me that she has always thought it would be cool if someone bought a goat for a family in Africa, so they can have milk, and start a herd and take care of their family.At this point she has to know that she could basically have asked us for anything and we would find a way to get it for her.So we bought a goat for a family in her name.And you would have thought we had bought her a Prada purse!THAT’S who she is and a quality that I pray Zoey inherits.

We’re at 28 weeks.Wow.That is well over 2/3 of the way done.I can’t believe how close we are, yet still so far away.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I go on a sort of “hold your breath” type vigilance whenever Tony is on shift.It doesn’t interrupt my day.I don’t obsess about it.I AM a little more aware of where my phone is, and I tend to check it a little more frequently.I DO pay more attention to the news.I will admit that I listen for his ring tone when I know he is getting off duty, and when he calls to tell me he is off, safe, and heading home I release that breath and my shoulders relax.There is relief.

I know that he is the best at his job.I know that he is diligent in keeping himself safe, but still… I think that is just the way it is when you are married to one of the few people that rush towards danger to save others when most people would rush away.

Today when he called and told me he was safe, I exhaled, felt the familiar sense of relief flood my body, and then it hit me.You didn’t get to stop holding your breath that day.You didn’t feel that sense of relief that comes when he or she tells you they are safe and coming home to you.

To all of the partners, husbands, wives, children, and parents of our fallen heroes, You may not know me, but I know you. And I love you.I hope that you are able to find peace today.I remember your sacrifice and the sacrifice of your loved one.

Tony and I are sending you all of our love and all of our positive energy.We hope that you can feel it.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Mike was getting on me about what I was wearing the other day. According to him I have some kind of internal "sequencing" device where I wear the same thing on particular days. All the time. See, I'm missing that gene that most of our "kind" gets. I have no ability to dress myself. When I was growing up I remembered a clothing line called "Garanimals". You could match the tag for the shirt with the tag with the pants, and BINGO, you had an outfit. Like having your own personal fairy godmother. In High School art class my teachers asked, "How did you graduate first grade???".

Why don't they have Garanimals for Adults? I have been "Relieved Of Command" regarding the dressing of our daughter. Apparently she'll look too much like a hobo or a circus clown if I make the attempt.

Keep in mind I haven't required alot of flair for most of my life getting ready for work. It's always been a uniform or protective equipment of some sort. So maybe I need to sneak in some practice with the baby while Mike's not paying attention......

In the 1970's Mom's always had these enormous purses. There was an animated cartoon in the mid 1950's called "Felix The Cat" (See "Felix The Cat : The Magic Bag" on YouTube). He walked around with this bag that could change into an aircraft carrier or a solar panel. In looking at all the bags that we'll be shlepping around, it reminds me of those purses Mom had. She could pull out a kleenex, codeine cough syrup, a bag of popcorn, hide an entire dinner Ham, or help someone into the country. My Dad was the same way. I remember trying to pull my Dad's jacket off the back of the chair, and having it fall on me, and realizing I was trapped under alot of weight. Every key, knives, tools, flashlights, you name it, it was in there.

I SWORE TO GOD I would never become those people. But it's happening. We're going to become THEM.

You'll see us walking down the street, me in a jacket weighing 40 pounds, dragging a bag weighing twice that much, and our baby in Mike's arms in a Gold Lame' pantsuit (my idea, and we'll be running too late to change her).

Mike irons EVERYTHING. Unlike him, I pull it out of the dryer, or I do the... wait for it... sniff test. If it doesn't smell like my armpit or worse, it's wearable. Most guys function in this manner. It's worked for like 10,000 years, so get off my back....

Megan asked me if Tony and I could possibly help with getting Princess S to school while she is on vacation.My answer was of course an emphatic yes! I mean she is, after all, my most favorite 4 almost 5 year old. This kid is pretty darn amazing and cute as a bug’s ear. Where does that saying come from anyway?Are bug’s ears that cute?I mean the rest of them aren’t very cute.I digress.I was super excited and just a little nervous.I have heard horror stories from parents about the battle to get children up and ready for school.Megan herself has come in more than once with a harried look on her face, fruit loops stuck in her hair, and with war stories of battling to get S to school on time. Okay Okay, I made up the fruit loop part.

So I arrive to Megan’s house this morning and listen intently to the instructions her husband gives me.I resist the urge to pull out a sheet of paper and pen, or to turn on the voice recorder on my phone just to be sure I get it all down.When it is time to wake S up I am prepared for a cranky princess, some challenges, maybe even some confusion as to why I am there instead of her daddy.But oh no!S pops her head up gives me a huge smile and says “HI TONY!” (My name is Mike btw) and rushes over for a big hug.Phew!Other than the understandable name confusion we are off to a good start.She then bounces into the bathroom and tells me that she is going to do her business and brush her hair.I ask her if she would like a bowl of cereal.“Yes please Tony!” (Again with the Tony! Seriously? He's not THAT great).I pour her cereal and she comes out with her hair brushed, dress and shoes on, and smiling.She gives me a hearty "Thank you" and starts eating.That’s when it hits me!IT HAS ALL BEEN A LIE!All of these years of parents rushing into work late, hair disheveled, and tales of fighting with children to get them up and ready for school were all Lies, Tales born out of some pitiful need for sympathy and attention!!CONSPIRACY!S finishes the majority of her cereal and asks very sweetly “Can I please be done?”Sure I answer.I am now very confident in my ability to get this sweet adorable little girl off to school.Then it happens…

S asks me “May I watch my Barbie movie for awhile”.We have time so I say yes, how hard can that be?As it turns out VERY hard. I could not figure out how to work the Barbie movie.And that’s when everything changed.I could feel her impatience and frustration growing as I frantically tried to figure it out.And as I turned to let her know we will have to settle for Nickelodeon or something I can see the shift in her eyes.She has lost all confidence in my ability to deliver quality care to her.“You should call my dad”.Call her Dad?For the TV?I foolishly decide not to bother him at work and say let’s just watch this.She reluctantly agreea, but I can tell that she is not pleased.She keeps looking at me out of the corner of her eye as if she wonders if I am capable of tying my own shoes, or if Tony has to do it for me.As we are getting ready to leave she asks “You do know how to put my seat in right?”Yep, all faith gone.I assure her I do and we are off.

We seem to have moved past the whole “Barbie incident” and are chit chatting about things like who would win in a fight if Jasmin, Ariel, and Cinderella all showed up at the same event in similar gowns, and whether or not Rupunzel’s hair is real or weave, you know kid stuff.As we are driving I am WAY more aware of my driving, and the other drivers.I usually don’t pay much attention to the little things like Speed limits or stop signs, but today I am acutely aware of the precious cargo I am carrying.

As we arrive to her school, I gather up all of her stuff, back pack, lunch box, suitcase, laptop, cell phone, fax machine… I mean really how much stuff does one kid need for Kindergarten?We walk up to the gate and it’s locked!UM… when did they start locking up school yards?HOLY CRAP! I think in my head, what do I do now?!?I just stare at the lock for a minute, thinking it will magically pop open, and then I hear it, a slight little sigh come from the princess.As I look over at her she says “I told you to park on the other street”.Okay, I can handle this.Well let’s just walk around the school, I say to her.I swear she rolled her eyes.“Walk?” she asks.“But your car is right there!” Did I mention that she's only 5?? Okay, so off we go. We reload her back pack, lunch box, suitcase, cell phone, fax machine and get her buckled into her seat (by the way, we could have already walked around the building by this time) and off we go to re-park ½ block away.FINALLY S, and all of her belongings, are safely dropped off at school.It wasn’t THAT bad.I have no idea what all these parents are complaining about.Sheesh.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Sigh… it’s happening.The spot of blonde, or what I had convinced myself were blonde, hairs on my goatee have turned… GRAY!Tony, that sweet lovable man, has been assuring me that they weren’t gray for months.I foolishly believed him.However, today time ran out on my denial.They are gray.How could this be possible?!?I’m only thirty…two!!!!If that wasn’t bad enough as I was showering I found some on my CHEST!Before you know it I will be wearing sandals with socks, denim shorts, gas station sunglasses, and walk around with a blue tooth in my ear.I’M A DAD!I love it, but I could do without the gray hair or the gas station sunglasses.

A few months ago I was telling Megan this story I had read about a woman approaching a gay couple in a grocery store, they were with their toddler who was throwing a fit.The woman apparently asked them where that child’s mother was.I know that the idea of gay parents is new to many people, but really?Megan said that she hopes if that ever happens to Tony and I that I will tell her that I am in fact her mother.LOL, I love her.

Monday, September 5, 2011

I haven’t been very good about blogging lately.The truth is I have been just completely overwhelmed with all there is to get ready.My amazing husband has been busting his butt to get our house redone and ready for Zoey.And our friends have truly been awesome in helping that process along.I sometimes get way too caught up in what I want to have done before she gets here, and it takes Tony making me take the time to stop and remember what an amazing blessing we are getting, and that as long as the three of us are together and happy all will be well.I read not too long ago that two of the things that cause couples the most stress are a remodel and having a baby… we chose to do both in the same year.I know right?

You know what?I know it is all going to be okay.This whole process, including all of the emotional stress, will be more than worth it when we have our little daughter in our arms.

So today marks the first day of the last trimester… the last trimester!In so many ways it feels like Megan was just coming through our door telling us she was pregnant!And in other ways it seems like it is never going to get here.Up next baby showers and shopping and classes!

This pic is a little late it is the 26 week pic from last week.THAT’S OUR KID IN THERE!!