I don't know what to say. Out of all the emotions I'm feeling, neither anger nor pity are among them. Primary is fear that being thrown off her polar equilibrium and a fatalistic outlook might do her in before the lupus does....and I really don't want to see that happen. I'd rather live one more day with lupus than not at all without it.

Not a day goes by that I don't think that I am glad you are there to look after her. She needs someone strong and brave and present in her life to help guide her through this. Don't blame yourself, and don't give up. She is one of the strongest people I know; she just needs to believe that about herself again.

Jesse, you are a saint for being there for her. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you. I hope you can find support for yourself too. I know you must be hanging on by a thread as well. I keep hoping to come here and find things have finally hit bottom and an even keel has been found.. but not yet it seems. :( Tell Quirky I am thinking of her. Hoping for her. And you too.