Monday, January 14, 2002

whoa, i had some really weird dreams last night. first off, i'm at some concert hearing some candyass rapper perform like nelly or ja rule, and then the sample that was being hooked was real weird. i finally wake up, realizing that i am not at some bobo concert but am in a dark bedroom at seven in the morning and that that weird hook was my alarm clock going off for about five minutes. it's so weird how sounds can incorporate their way into your dreams somehow. so, i get out of bed turn off my alarm clock and am totally awake but also totally not feeling like going to work at greenpeace. standing in the cold. harrassing total strangers. panhandling for a nonprofit. on my feet all day, i'll get hungry. and again, standing outside in the cold. it was not sounding pleasant to my weary body. i go out into the hall and see that my mom has already left for work - she'll never know. i curl back in my bed thinking about how glad i am that i will not be standing on the streets begging people for money. hopefully rebecca will not kill me for not showing up.

right before i woke up for the second time at noon, i had another real weird dream. i was at my high school, going around asking people for money for greenpeace. and somehow cheerleading was tied into this - to be on the squad, you had to get two people to donate money a day to greenpeace. and i didn't feel like fundraising, so i just decided to quit cheerleading. (yeah, i don't understand it, either). so, then there is a big performance at school in the hallway. everyone is crowded in the corridor, and the squad consists of three girls (two of them were elaine gleason and gretchen schaub -- two non-cheerleaders from my high school) and some boy that i can't remember. anyways, i don't even know why i am trying to tell this here, since the details are so foggy, but they get up there and the boy can't perform by himself for some reason. there needs to be two boys for the routine to work. so, they get me to do it even though i didn't fundraise and even though i am dressed in jeans, and they are all in their matching uniforms.

okay, enough freudian babble-- i woke up at noon, went downstairs, ate some oatmeal, signed on to the internet, and said goodbye to my sister. her friend picked her up, and she left to go back to school at william and mary. i did not have my bitch fighting partner today, so it was an even more boring day than usual. i planned on reading my isp all day and catching up since i am so behind on my isp schedule which has already been revised about eight times to take into account my lack of progress. my goal was to be done with the book by the eight. it is now almost the 15th, and my revised goal was to be half way done with the book by then. i am on page 169 out of 768 pages. so, in case you are not good with math, that is totally not even near half way, meaning i am the biggest slacker in the world. i am starting to really enjoy the book but have no motivation to read whatsoever. so, tomorrow is going to be my marathon reading day.

my laziness is kicking me in the ass in other ways. so, there's this house in brooklyn and they have two rooms for rent and they don't care if it's short term, and i talked to the guy for about a week over e-mail, and it sounded like a real rad place. he e-mails me his phone # on thursday nite and tells me to call if i am still interested. i was super lazy and did not call until sunday nite, at which point one of the rooms had already been rented. the room theif gave him a deposit on saturday for the room. so, if i would not have been such a bum about shit, i would already have a place to live in ny. but, instead i will now have to spend tomorrow playing around on the internet looking at classifieds for the millionth time.

i called my mom at work to tell her i overslept and missed work so she wouldn't flip out at me when she cam home - i told her that i called greenpeace (a lie) and that i would not be able to train until next monday. she sounded somewhat annoyed with my laziness but told me there was no point in me working for that short amount of time. woo-hoo!!!

i took a shower and then was so in love with the warmth of the water and was feeling goosebumps all over my skin from the water's comforting heat. so i decide to plug the bathtub and take a super hot bath, which felt so nice. just soaking in the hot water, thawing out, loving the feeling of heat surrounding my body, making me say relaxed ahh after ahh, without feeling like it's just something people say in the movies when they are taking a bath after a long day. it wasn't forced or done because it's what you're supposed to say, but the ahh's were just the only suitable verbal expression of my state of enjoyment. what else is there beside ahh, that is not corrupted by the baggage of defined meaning? nothing, and so i said ahh after ahh as i let my body sink into the hot pool of water. still feeling relaxed, i sat down to a leisurly lunch and read just about the entire washington post. the rest of my day was a fog of laziness that is not worth recalling.

later, rebecca called me to ask me where the hell i was today? did i miss work because i was watching tv or because i was sleeping until 3? she wasn't real mad, but sounded a little bit annoyed. and then we talked about her lack of plans for next semester since her farming thing feel through and since she is no longer going to africa. i suggested that she come live in ny with me and niki, and she said that she had been thinking about that. she doesn't seem that serious about it, but she is considering it, which is something -- enough to make me so so happy. and, so i am going to harrass and harrass her and hopefully convince her to go to ny. and then, ny will the best place on earth.