The Iron Warrior

EUROVISION 2016!!!

This past weekend, on May 14, 2016, the world was blessed with the 61st Eurovision Song Competition held in Sweden and it was simply out of this world. It was amazing yet awful but brilliant all at the same time. Anyway, for those of you who don’t know Eurovision is an annual song competition in Europe where European countries (and special, now seemingly permanent, guest, Australia) send a song that best represents their country. It’s always filled with awkward and lame so-bad-it’s-good jokes, outlandish costumes, pyrotechnics, water works, and wind machines to keep the hair blowing. So many memes have come out of Eurovision, one of the most iconic being Epic Sax Guy. This year was slightly disappointing since there were less fireworks and actually decent songs. However, Justin Timberlake made an appearance and it was still a great show full of laughs and WTF moments, and I am here to share some of the highlights of the show.

Opening Ceremonies: So the Opening Ceremonies were interesting… Each country came out waving little flags, which was cute. But then there were these models dressed in; I don’t even know how to describe their costumes so you can just look at the photo. I guess the best way to describe it would be the lamp section of IKEA with those modernist, minimalistic white lampshades?

After the Opening Ceremonies, the competition began. Here are the winners and losers, according to Europe and then the winners and losers according to me.

In Last Place: Germany finished last, getting 1 point in the jury vote and 10 in the televote, which confused me a bit because I didn’t think the song was that bad. Sure her outfit was a bit off but I keep insisting that she was going for an Alice in Wonderland lost in the woods kind of vibe.

My Worst: Sweden was the only Scandinavian country that made it to the Grand Final and that’s only because they were hosting this year. Sweden’s Frans performed ‘If I Were Sorry,’ and was trying to go for a young Justin Bieber on acoustic guitar kind of feel but he was actually even worse than the Biebs and I can’t stand him. I have no idea how he finished 5th with 261 points. He must have charmed voters with his cute half smile whenever he would start the chorus. This also leads to a big question: Why didn’t Sweden just send Avicii to Eurovision?

The Winner: Ukraine won with a grand total of 534 points. I wasn’t really a fan of the song, which was ‘1944’ by Jamala. It was bizarre and not really in a good way. There was some chanting going on and her outfit was a dress on top of a jumpsuit with a cape over her and it was all the same colour. All I could think was why? Another notable part of her performance was when she held out the last note and a tree grew out of her. That was kind of cool but I still don’t understand how she won. I can understand why over 300 000 people have requested a recount of the televotes…

My Favourite: Which leads me to Australia! Australia came in second place. Dami Im was actually really good and I actually enjoyed her song “Sound of Silence.” After the jury votes, it actually looked like Australia was going to win. And she deserved to win. But then Australia isn’t actually in Europe so there was no way a non-European country could win Eurovision. Eurovision is always held in the country that won the competition the year before. So if Australia won, Eurovision would have to be held in Australia, which isn’t actually Europe. Which leads to the question most people have: Why is Australia in Eurovision?

Who Should Have Been There: San Marino should have been there. It was a huge disappointment that San Marino’s Serhat didn’t make it to the Grand Final with his song “I Didn’t Know.” It’s too difficult to explain how great this song is. You need to experience the majesty yourself. Do yourself a favour and go on YouTube and watch the music video for “I Didn’t Know – Extended Disco Version.” You know it’s going to be good when it’s an extended disco version.

Love Love Peace Peace: Actually, I lied when I said Australia was the best act of the night and deserved to win. The song “Love Love Peace Peace” performed by the hosts Måns Zelmerlöw, (Eurovision Winner 2015) and Petra Mede. The song was performed during the interval break and was about how to make the perfect Eurovision song. It referenced so many glorious moments in Eurovision history as well as poked fun of its stereotypes. Previous Eurovision winners Lordi and Alexander Rybak made cameos, as did many other contestants. If you’ve never seen Eurovision before, I highly recommend you watch this video to understand what you’ve been missing your whole life.

And that wraps up Eurovision 2016! Can’t wait for next year in Ukraine!