Ugh, it's November. I hate November. It's that time of year when all Finnish style bloggers start to complain about the lack of light to take any proper outfit pictures. There is no light in the mornings and even less so in the late afternoons. However, the scruffy outfit pictures reflect my current mood pretty well. It's just too dark to think straight. I typically start to have some brain activity around 10 am, and out of the window it goes when the sun goes down (currently before 5 pm). I feel the urge to eat candy and chocolate all the time, and I have very little energy to go outside, even though I know I should. Ugh, did I mention that I hate November? Well, at least I try to wear something nice, a few days a week. (The poor outfit picture above shows what I wore to see a friend's concert last Saturday.)

I feel like I'm in the midst of some odd Brezhnevian age of stagnation. I just can't get anything done. I had all sorts of plans in the end of summer to get things on the move, to make something out of my writing and my love for second hand clothes. And here I am, trying to figure things out... but I just can't seem to get anywhere. I sit in front of the TV and watch Orphan Black or Hemlock Grove. And then I complain that I can't get anything done and wonder why my plans for the future aren't moving ahead. Duh. It's stupid, really.

I often feel that being a grown-up is just an illusion, that there is no "figuring things out", ever. I find myself listening to other grown-ups talk about their children, their mortgage, their house renovations, their back-taxes. They sound convincing enough, they sound like they are in control of their lives, but there is something about it all that makes me suspicious. I can't be the only one who hasn't figured life out yet, right? I think we are all afraid of the future - of life, really. We are afraid of not being able to cope with societal demands, we are afraid of being ridiculed, we are afraid that someone, anyone, can spot that we are just trying to make it look like we know what we are doing, when in reality, life cannot be controlled. Things happen. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. Sometimes I feel that being a grown-up is pretending that you are in control of something that we can never fully control.

I sometimes worry that I'm the only grown-up out there who has no idea what he or she is doing, and I also worry that I might have made poor choices earlier in life that end up defining my future. But then again - it's safer to think that I'm not alone, and that one can start re-arranging the bits and pieces of one's life at any age. And one day, November, too, shall pass.

You're not the only one without detailed plans for the future nor with the life that makes greater sense ;)The good thing is, you can still make changes in life and make turns, if you're not satisfied with what surrounds you at the moment.

I feel precisely the same way. I am a grown-up with a spouse and a home and a job, but I feel like I am faking and fumbling my way through nearly every task of adult life. Having to call an auto repair shop fills me with an irrational amount of dread and anxiety. I hope it makes you feel a little better to at least know you are absolutely not the only adult that feels like this. I like your outfit too.

You are definitely not alone with this one! I don't feel like we have much figured out either. I too worry about how my decisions will affect my future. One of my biggest fears is wondering how I will get by as a senior citizen. What if I still have to pay rent and can never retire? It's so scary!