In today’s rough economy, the gentleman must be careful with his money. While it’s never easy to scale back and cut expenses, occasionally it is necessary. You’re a discerning gentleman, and you may need to choose between a handcrafted fifteen thousand dollar sofa, and a bottle of The Macallan in a crystal decanter. Naturally, Chris and Dan suggest you choose the scotch.

In today’s busy and economically-challenged society, one can’t be expected to see every movie that comes out, or even to read full-length reviews of them. We here at Molotov Cocktail Party understand your needs, and reduce everything YOU need to know about the newest releases into a few mercifully brief sentences. Read on, and plan your weekend, safe in the knowledge that our not having seen the films in question (hey, we’re on a budget, too, y’know) will not interfere with our mission to bring you the information you need to make your entertainment decisions.

Upon sober consideration, Hollywood decides it does lack originality after all. Hollywood signals its surrender by releasing a sequel to a book adaptation, populated mainly be historical figures. Dozens of celebrities sign on to show their support for Hollywood as it copes with its life-changing originality-deficiency disability (aka ODD).

In today’s busy and economically-challenged society, one can’t be expected to see every movie that comes out, or even to read full-length reviews of them. We here at Molotov Cocktail Party understand your needs, and reduce everything YOU need to know about the newest releases into a few mercifully brief sentences. Read on, and plan your weekend, safe in the knowledge that our not having seen the films in question (hey, we’re on a budget, too, y’know) will not interfere with our mission to bring you the information you need to make your entertainment decisions.

Some kind of Nature documentary. Apparently narrated by Patrick Stewart. You know, from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Ooh, that new Star Trek flick opens in two weeks, doesn’t it? Man, I’m amped to see that. Aren’t you?

I guess it’s a stalker thriller or something? But, man, you wanna talk obsessed, how ’bout those Trekkies, huh? Am I right? Although I guess I shouldn’t talk, what with being all excited for this new Star Trek film and everything. With J.J. Abrams directing? How can this not be awesome?

And Nimoy’s in it!! Leonard Fucking Nimoy. Who expected him to make another Trek pic, huh? Awesome. Just fucking awesome. And I heard there’s gonna be…huh? What? Oh, right: The Soloist. Yeah, Jamie Foxx plays a homeless musician who enlists in Starfleet and takes command of…ummm…Yeah, I might be confusing this with something else. But whatever.

In today’s busy and economically-challenged society, one can’t be expected to see every movie that comes out, or even to read full-length reviews of them. We here at Molotov Cocktail Party understand your needs, and reduce everything YOU need to know about the newest releases into a few mercifully brief sentences. Read on, and plan your weekend, safe in the knowledge that our not having seen the films in question (hey, we’re on a budget, too, y’know) will not interfere with our mission to bring you the information you need to make your entertainment decisions.

Apparently this is a sequel to some other movie (reportedly titled Crank). And I guess it’s an action flick about some guy who needs to jump start his battery-powered heart every couple hours. Whatever; the REAL news is that it features nigh-forgotten former drug-addled child actor Corey Haim! W00T! Hopefully this will pave the way for a Speed sequel featuring Corey Feldman.

After having a bit part as one of those weenies Samuel L. Jackson blows away at the beginning of Pulp Fiction, Burr Steers (yeah, that’s his real name) went on to direct hip indie flick Igby Goes Down. Now he’s making a body-switching comedy about an adult being magically transformed into a teenager. ‘Cause that’s never been done before.

In today’s busy and economically-challenged society, one can’t be expected to see every movie that comes out, or even to read full-length reviews of them. We here at Molotov Cocktail Party understand your needs, and reduce everything YOU need to know about the newest releases into a few mercifully brief sentences. Read on, and plan your weekend, safe in the knowledge that our not having seen the films in question (hey, we’re on a budget, too, y’know) will not interfere with our mission to bring you the information you need to make your entertainment decisions.

Spoiled teenage girl demands and wins a career in television, music, and motion pictures from her untalented yet wealthy father. Probably a documentary. A sequel in which the girl attempts to conquer drugs and mental illness and stage an ill-conceived comeback is slated for May, 2023.

Note to self: Have a great idea for a documentary: multitudes of virgins brave the sunlight in order to flock to an eagerly-awaited film adaptation of something, and afterwards complain incessantly about its inferiority to the original source material.