Go Ahead: Search my brain

Yum, brains for sale: do you want a side of fox meat or Sriracha sauce with that?

So much for easing into the New Year. Here in New York we got a mighty blast of the winter air and snow up to our knees. Ok, not that much snow. It is a winter wonderland that we get to watch from our windows indoor while sipping some hot toddies. It is a new year, but politicians are still up to their old wacky ways. We do not get to Chillax with Weiner, but Mayor Ford is still around. Join me this week, as we celebrate a few wacky moments since Christmas where we got a Klingon resignation letter, the best crack mayor ever, and brains for sale.

1. Family Dynamics. Every town and newspaper likes to note the births of those on New Years. How’s this for a headline: a Toronto woman gave birth to a set of twins on New Year’s Eve with the girls born in different years as they were born minutes apart. That’s going to make for some interesting future family celebrations.

2. Let me quit you in Klingon. Local North Carolina politician David Waddell used the Klingon language to write his letter of resignation from the Indian Trail Town Council. What a novel way for a politician to express himself. I suppose it beats tweeting photos of one’s privates. I’m sorry I still miss Weiner’s antics. Where could he be now? Can you imagine what his dance moves would be if he next showed up on “Dancing with the Stars“?

3. I quit you over peas. Apparently for better or for worse, does not take into account how one eats. A Kuwaiti couple, married for just a week, is calling it quits after the bride realizes that her new husband prefers to use scoop up his peas with bread, rather than a fork. See folks, this is why cohabitation before getting married is better. At least she just filed for divorce and didn’t try to stab him with a squirrel as a disgruntled South Carolina wife did when her husband came home with no beer. The nerve of him!

4. Mayor Ford is still here. Toronto’s embattled Mayor has declared itself its best mayor ever and has filed the requisite paperwork to run for reelection. I personally cannot wait to see Mayor Ford’s encore performance which he very well might get considering that despite his crack shenanigans he still has a 42% approval rating.

5. Christmas Ghosts. Over in Cornwall and Devon, police answered several calls from distraught townspeople who were dealing with upsetting paranormal activity. In one instance, a man reportedly called police to complain that he was being haunted by the Ghost of Christmas Past. What is in the water over there?

6. Srirachapocalypse. As I reported previously, there is a looming shortage of the Sriracha spice. So, how do Californians respond? Why, with a one-day only Sriracha five-course meal, of course. So, if you are in Southern California on January 9th, head on over to get your Sriracha fix. Of course, all this Sriracha craze could be in part due to all the UFOs or sinkholes plaguing the state lately. Get your Sriracha in before we get invaded or devoured.

7. What’s the market for donkey meat? Over in China, Walmart is now going to be doing DNA testing of its meat. See instead of donkey meat, some places apparently sold fox meat and that was quite upsetting to many. Hmm. I had no idea there was such a market for fox meat. Either way, DNA test or not, I’m not buying.

8. Brains. Over in Indianapolis, a poor man desperate for cash, found his way into a warehouse and took off with a few brains that he found therein. He went on to sell them on EBay– because that is what we would all do nowadays. Well, that or craigslist. Ok. Let me back up. This was a warehouse for the Indiana Medical History Museum. Don’t want you thinking that warehouses randomly have brains lying around. The man that won the brains bid for $600 eventually noticed something was a little off with the jars and that they may have belonged to a museum and returned them. Really? Don’t we all wonder where he thought the brains were coming from to begin with? Better yet, what was he going to do with the brains? Some chianti with that?

9. Starbucks. Two odd stories out this week about Starbucks. One, a woman decided to engage in a year-long challenge in which she ate Starbucks foods/drinks every day for all meals. I don’t quite get the psychological high one gets from meeting such a goal, but to each her own. Second, Starbucks apparently got a little miffed when a neighborhood bar started selling Frappicinos. Not Frappuccinos, mind you. Starbucks sent the bar a cease and desist letter and the bar sent Starbucks a $6 check, a wonderful letter in return, and renamed its beer the “F Word.” Ah, if only I lived in St. Louis.

That is this week’s wackiness files. Let me just note for the record, I received a ceramic squirrel for Christmas and have no intention of using it in unintended ways. Although, I am still trying to figure out its intended use. Happy 2014!