Severe Depression is happening every day lately again

by 4pm everyday the real beast of depression is attacking me head on.. by time i go to bed at 7pm or so am feeling like just packing it all in and giving up.. don't do suicidal ideastion just cause i do not allow myself to go there.. johnny my son needs me to too much to go there at all. instead i day dream about being able to hibernate for a month or so.. that ain't going to happen either.. each night before bed i just feel like shit.. just want it all to end now..

in may i added with pdoc's permission 15mg more of antidepressant mirtazapine (remeron) along with the nighttme dose of 45mg. that helped some and continued tfor a week or so until i felt like i had to sleep most of the daylight hours also.. well when i sto-pped the extra 15mg the drowiness ended a lot and also the bad depression stayed at bay a lot until about a week ago..

got about 30 30mg tabs from recent refill in may.. guess i will pill split a tab tomorrow morning and take the 15mg with my morning pills tomorrow.. will also email doc G and tell him what i am doing.. i am very med compliant and taking our pills regularly is like a religion to me.. basically thouhg pills with me is a real love/hate relationship.. damned if i do but much more damned if i don't.. able to life wiht all the side effects and crud in order to to just mke it thru each day..

gee i hope this increase helps and gives me a break from alll of what i sgoing on now.. amm just bloody tired of feeling like i want to go out on my front door step and scream bloody murder saying just how really bad i feel at end of every day..

Sorry to hear about how you are feeling Jimmy, you are such a power of strength and compassion on here for others, and for your boy. You can always come in here and S C R E A M Y O U R L U N G S O U T !!!any time at all, and we will be here to catch them, hun!

Just a thought - and it is only a suggestion - but one thing that has helped me enormously to take my mind off any 'wrong' thinking (the type that drags down, that is)..... that costs me nothing, and is good social fun...... do you play the card game bridge at all? I've become immersed in BBO (bridgebaseonline.com) and find it so absorbing and fun - and playing even just a little bit each day has helped put my mind in a different place -

I know it might not be your cup of tea at all - but many people our age (ok, later middle aged ppl) love to play it, and find it does great things for them - like, it's healthy brain exercise honey.

I think you deserve to say exactly how you feel...I am sure because of your son you have to repress so much...what love! I wish you would have been my father...but we also need the space to express what is going on...also, I hope the med adjustment helps so that you feel a greater sense of calm/stability...you fill in which is appropriatee...here's to better days!