Tag Archives: catalog

This probably runs on a touchscreen. I feel sorry for the poor sucker who has to program it.

I knew touchscreens were the worst idea ever the first time I saw one at the catalog pick-up department inside a Sears store. I’m not sure when that was, early 90s, maybe? Most technological advances come to our part of the country last. It looked like something out of a 1980s sci-fi movie. The kiosk was the size of an arcade video game. It was cumbersome and unresponsive. From that moment on, I knew the touchscreen thing would never catch on.

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Could I have been more wrong?

While I love all the cute things my cell phone can do besides, you know, make calls, I HATE that the magic of video calls or listening to the radio depends on a touchscreen. I try to scroll through Facebook, and it is constantly opening up stories I don’t want to read. “I did not click on that!” I shout, to no avail. I am trying to tag spam emails for deletion in my email, but instead the phone keeps opening the questionable messages, “I said DELETE!”

I am a lover of buttons. I loved my previous 2 phones that had slider keyboards. I was using them much later than anyone else. I could actually type a coherent text message. I could use proper spelling, capitalization, and punctuation if I wanted to!

I had to turn off my word predictor do-hickey on my current phone. I would be trying to type a “t” or “y” or “u” and I would instead end up with the word suggestion right above it. (I have tiny hands. My mom always says she was waiting for my hands to get bigger before she tasked me with doing the dishes. She is still waiting.) If me, of the tiny hands, has problems using a touchscreen keyboard, how do men do it? I know how my husband does it: he uses the voice command, which also gives out questionable results.

We have these fancy LED (or LCD?) screens with HD resolution that we can watch Hollywood movies on while we wait in line at the grocery store, but we are constantly putting our greasy fingerprints all over them. We are watching state of the art technology through a haze of gunk. Then we touch it to our face, putting something that is probably coated in fecal dust next to our mouths. Disgusting.

Touchscreen are EVIL. You can’t spell Devil without the evil.

I think we are too far gone now to beg for a return of the keyboard. That won’t stop me though. Eventually we will just be able to think a thought and our phone will beam it for us. Unfortunately, my thoughts are about as clumsy as my fingers are. From the broken mind of Jennifer Friess, the joining of hearts & souls…NOW AVAILABLE! Troll Gurl and the Cursed Kingdom