Loving Relationships

Love, and love alone, is capable of giving thee a happier life. –Ludwig van Beethoven

True intimacy with another person opens us to ourselves. Creating and building a loving relationship with the right person is the greatest therapy and gift in life. When we first fall in love, we are filled with optimism and the greatest hopes for fulfilling our dream of a solid relationship leading towards marriage. We celebrate and cling to all the best qualities of the person we fall in love with and look past those character idiosyncrasies we don’t like, thinking we can change them down the road. Big mistake!

Living in an intimate partnership takes us beyond what we have learned in life about ourselves. It is truly an adult developmental challenge.

Most of us fall in love and soon find ourselves in over our heads and hearts. You know, the “Honeymoon Period”, when each of you can do no wrong. As adults, even if it might be our second marriage, we often haven’t experienced the ability to sustain the openness and vulnerability of a new relationship. We may gradually begin to feel too vulnerable and exposed. An intimate relationship tests our ability to trust someone who has complete access to our inner self. We may start to become cranky, edgy, overly sensitive and suspicious. At that point, we may start to challenge our partner’s love by asking a boatload of insecure questions. These include, “If you love me, will you stop doing that”?

So to lessen our vulnerability, we begin to try to control our partner. All of these temptations are holdover behaviors from past unsuccessful relationships. At that point we just must try to begin to trust ourselves again.

During this process, learn to breathe deeply and know you can survive in closeness and vulnerability.

Love at first sight is easy to understand. It’s when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle. –Sam Levenson

So well said and wonderful when a relationship and marriage lasts for a lifetime!