life

You and I know the gamer stereotypes that are out there. And you know the one that you’re dangerously close to being!

Me? I’m the obsessive gamer type, who goes crazy over a game (usually for a short season) but eventually burns out and moves on to another. AD&D has been a rare long-standing muse for me!

Regardless of which stereotype fits you most closely, I think we can be a part of creating a new stereotype: that of the responsible gamer. You know, the person who is deeply engaged with the people around them–who does good, creative, life-affirming work–who lives with purpose and vivacity–and also really loves games. That’s who I want to be. But is that possible?

It’s a question I’ve asked before: does growing up mean giving up gaming? There’s a tension between responsibility and play in our culture, as though you can’t be responsible and still engage imagination and fun. Well, I call shenanigans. How can I do that? Because I think I’m pulling it off fairly well. And here’s how you can do it too:

On Tuesday, we explored the four different kinds of conflict that can arise between players at the gaming table. But that’s the easy part! Any Tom, Dick, or Tenser can start a fight. The hard thing is knowing (a) how to fight fairly and (b) how to mediate when fighting doesn’t go so well.

Our gaming groups are ideally groups of friends, sitting around the table (digital or physical). And because of the nature of friendship, we all have a responsibility. For the player, it is their responsibility to fight fair and to seek reconciliation. For the GM, it is their responsibility to facilitate that process when necessary.

Listen, I get it. I mean, I’m the guy learning AD&D 1st Edition when D&D 5e is the hottest thing in town! Even I was at my FLGS tonight flipping through those shiny, sexy 5e books. But let’s not get distracted.

You’ve got a game you want to play. So how are we going to get your game on the table?

I’m not talking about the lawful good paladin who is appalled at his colleagues activities. I’m not even talking about the player feeling some moral guilt over their character’s questionable chaotic evil decisions.

I’m talking about guilt over what you’re missing back home.

The fact of the matter is, many of you have significant others, spouses, even children back home while you’re gaming. And if truth be told, between work and other responsibilities you don’t feel like you’ve spent enough time with them.

Yet here you are, away from them, playing a game and feeling kind of guilty. In the end, it raises a question that I’ve heard put many different ways:

Does growing up mean giving up gaming?

As a husband, father, and (thus far still employed) member of the workforce, I want you to know that growing up does not mean giving up gaming.

When it comes to this question of guilt when gaming, here are three steps to help you improve the situation:

I am addicted to information. And that addiction is beneficial when it comes to gaming, for there are more games than could ever be learned. As soon as I get the grasp of one game, I’ve got another book on my bedside table to consume. I know I’m not the only learner out there!

I want to learn with you.

I am a connector. I connect with people. I connect people with others. And I connect the dots with people. As a person energized by relationships, I learn best in community with others. Thus, when it comes to games, I don’t want to learn them in isolation. I want you to learn as I learn.

I am a communicator.

As a collector of information, I have learned to process, repackage, and redistribute that information. And this goes hand-in-hand with my desire for you to learn. I don’t aim to be the end-all, be-all expert. No, I want to pass along what I’m learning, so that you can learn too!

I enjoy the game.

It’s not one specific game–it’s the process of gaming itself. Thus, I am perpetually open to a new possibility. Always looking for that new game, that new experience, that new process of learning. As a result, I find it easy to see the good in most games. Because in the end, I love the game.

I am a mad cleric.

I’m not mad, as in angry. I’m just kind of strange–mad like a hatter. How so? I’m a husband and father of two, who still hangs out at the comic shop. I’m a pastor (a cleric, if you like), who loves the honesty and openness of the gaming community. I love to break stereotypes, wherever able. You might even call me mad.

I hope this strikes a chord with you, O gamer who has stumbled upon my site. I’d like you to join me on a quest to learn a new game. Or perhaps a new way of gaming. After all, that’s what I’m all about: learning the game together.

More time? Better relationships? The freedom to rest and to enjoy life? The feeling that you’ve made a difference in someone else’s life?

What do you want more than anything?

What I am learning as I ask people this question–gamers and non-gamers–is that they have a hard time answering it. I usually have to ask an average of about ten more questions to get to the heart of what people really want. And here’s what I’m beginning to realize:

It’s much easier to settle for things than to be honest about our desires. Few people seem really, genuinely happy about their place in life, and yet people still have a hard time communicating what it is that they really want. And the seconds tick by. So let’s not waste any more time!

What do you want?

If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?

I’m just going to leave you with that question for today with the simple request that you actually think about it. I’d feel like I’d actually done my job today if you were able to answer that question without missing a beat the next time I ask…

Do you find this to be an easy question to answer? Or is it a challenge? Tell us why in the comments!

Welcome to Experience Points, my weekly response to one of your questions about anything! Life, relationships, faith, or gaming…really anything is game! If you’d like to send in a question, feel free to email me. Here’s this week’s question:

Have you experienced intolerance from religious people about your gaming hobby?

This is an excellent question—and one that I dealt with in more philosophical terms here for the Mad Adventurers Society. But for our purposes today, I’ll just tell you the story.

Consider the Source

Three years ago, I was sitting on my front porch, typing away at my laptop. After all, sermons don’t write themselves! As I was working, my phone buzzed—a text from an old friend. Apparently, he’d seen me posting on social media about playing Dungeons & Dragons…and he was concerned. He had lots of questions about witchcraft, magic, and the power of demonic beings. What was frustrating is that it didn’t matter how I responded. I had no leg to stand on, as far as he was concerned. This new hobby was dangerous, opposed to the Bible, and hazardous to my faith.

Does that count as intolerance? Compared to many of your stories, I’m sure it seems more like a minor inconvenience. But really, let’s think more about this brief interaction. What motivated my friend in contacting me? His real intent was love, even though it was communicated in a way that didn’t necessarily feel that way. He wanted to protect and guard me, which is a noble desire, regardless of how it felt and regardless of whether he was right!

As you think back on your own experience of intolerance, it can help to consider the source. Why did that person say anything about your hobby? What motivated their actions? Perhaps their desires really were well-meaning. It’s a question worth considering.

Consider the Worldview

I can only speak from my own experience as a Protestant who grew up in the Southern United States. But I’ve found that often there are other things underlying intolerance of the gaming hobby—specifically, tabletop RPGs, like Dungeons & Dragons. It’s not only personal intentions that motivate action, a person’s worldview also motivates their actions. The ever-insightful Rob Almond once pointed out that the people who oppose Dungeons & Dragons on religious grounds are often the same people who oppose rock and roll on religious grounds.

And, yes, those folks are still out there too.

And yes…they do still refer to it as “rock and roll.”

There are lots of words that people use to describe them: fundamentalists, legalists, literalists. The labels at this point are inconsequential. I inhabited that religious realm for much of my life and, I would imagine, some people might still apply some of those labels to me. That’s OK. Again, the labels are inconsequential at this point. I believe there are three philosophical/religious errors that these groups make—and these errors lead them to their attitudes about tabletop RPGs.

Now why am I going to point out what I believe to be flaws in their worldview? First, it’s to help you—the gamer—to understand them better. It’s easier to forgive someone, when you can understand them. It’s easier to let go of past frustration, when you understand what brought it about. Second, I point out these flaws not so that you can attempt to change people’s minds on this matter. As I mentioned over on the Mad Adventurers Society, you’re not likely to change people’s minds if they already have a worldview that is bent against tabletop RPGs. Don’t sweat that. This discussion is purely to help you sort through the intolerance that you’ve experienced—or that you might experience in the future. So here we go:

Error #1:

If an activity seems associated with something wrong, then the activity must be inherently wrong.

If you believe that demons are (a) real and (b) evil, it might seem that playing a game that involves demonic characters is also real and evil. If you believe that killing is objectively wrong, it might seem that pretending to kill (even for good intentions) is likewise wrong. And yet, I don’t find too many Christians hassling me for listening to Johnny Cash.

After all, Johnny was a Christian! Sure, he had some rough times early on, but he cleaned up, found Jesus, and got on the straight and narrow. And then, he kept singing about killing and drinking and fighting and cussing. Say what?! That’s right! You see, Johnny was a storyteller. And his stories teach you something about life—about manhood—about loss—about struggle. And there’s something redemptive in that. There’s something cathartic in those stories.

Tabletop roleplaying games can work the same way. In fact, I think they should. I like to walk away from a campaign appreciating life and looking at it in a different way. I like to be thinking about justice and brokenness and redemption. I like to participate in a story in which I learn about courage, fallenness, and honor. Here’s the bottom line: telling a story doesn’t make you guilty of the wrongdoing that happens in the story. At least, no more than Johnny Cash was a killer and a scumbag.

Error #2:

Behavior modification is the intended ends of all religion.

I can’t speak to all religions, but I can speak to my own religion. The God of the Bible is not primarily concerned with changing people’s behavior. Now, that may come as a surprise to you, because it seems like many professing Christians have started thinking that. And how do they implement that belief? They try to change your behavior! In this case, your gaming. In other cases, any manner of behavior they find reprehensible or dangerous. After all, if your game has demons and killing, you must be doing wrong, right? And if God wants to change your behavior—and God is loving—then it must be loving to try to change your behavior, right?

I think you see how this train of thought works. I won’t go into a full-blown sermon here, but here’s the salient point: changing people’s behavior doesn’t change people’s hearts. In fact, it works the other way around. Behavior change is a consequence—a result—not a starting point. And yet, many religious people have got this all turned around.

And here’s the real kicker: God is not in the self-help business. He’s not looking to rehaul your behavior. He’s looking to rehaul your priorities—your mind—your direction. That’s a totally different thing. Sure, it effects behavior, but that behavior change is not the goal.

Error #3:

Garbage in = Garbage out.

We’ve all seen Back to the Future 2, wherein Doc Brown uses organic waste to power his time machine. There’s an important lesson to be learned there: one man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. What you may be able to handle in good conscience, I may not be able to handle. This can apply to matters like alcohol, for example. If someone grew up with alcoholic parents, they may not tolerate any drinking in their home. But that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong for you to drink.

The same applies to roleplaying games. Someone may perceive your hobby as “garbage.” They may expect it to result in “garbage” results. And, as a result, they want to intervene and help you. So let me be the guy to ask the question! We all have our predispositions and histories. Maybe what’s OK for one person isn’t OK for another? I understand there are moral absolutes and that sort of thing, but last time I checked, no religion says anything explicitly about roleplaying games (I’m open to correction here).

“Garbage in” may typically result in “garbage out.” But how can we judge what garbage is objectively? It’s a question worth considering.

Understanding Yields Understanding

As you consider your own experience of intolerance as a gamer—especially from religious loved ones—I hope you’ll consider these three errors that may have been motivating their actions and words. As you do, I hope you’ll find that their intentions—though perhaps misguided—were really seeking your best interest. As you understand them, I hope you’ll grow in a sense of understanding. That you’ll be able to forgive and to move on. After all, it’s not your job to change their hearts or their behavior. We’ll leave that up to more capable hands.

How have you experience intolerance from religious folks? Do you find these errors to have been motivating factors? How did you respond? Sound off in the comments!

When you create a character for your tabletop RPG, what do you think about more? Do you think about who you want that character to be? Or do you think about where you want that character to go? There’s a subtle difference between the two approaches. Both approaches can make interesting characters–both approaches can result in good, worthwhile stories. But one approach is reactive, while the other is proactive. One focuses on the present, while the other looks to the future.

Let me give you examples of both.

The Reactive Character

Let’s say you take the first approach, “who do you want the character to be?” Well, you want her to be a dwarven wizard who serves Moradin. She wields an orb that belonged to her father before her. And as far as alignment goes, she is Lawful Good. When this character is presented with a problem to solve, how will she respond?

In an ideal world, wherein players are engrossed in their characters and truly play the role, this character will consider who she is and she will respond to the situation. “Well,” she thinks, “as a Moradin-follower who seeks to honor her father, how should I respond to this situation?” By focusing on who the character is, we set up our character to be primarily reactive.

The Proactive Character

But let’s say we take the second approach, “where do you want the character to go?” Well, regardless of the outer trappings of who our character is, you may want her to go down a path toward redemption or heroism. Perhaps you want him to develop a sense of self-sacrifice or conversely a sense of complete independence and self-sufficiency. When this character is presented with a problem to solve, how will he respond?

This character will also consider who he is, but then that thought process will go a step further to where he wants to go. He has a future that he wants to achieve–something toward which to move, which makes his character primarily proactive.

Which character are you?

I’ve touched on this briefly over on MadAdventurers.com, but where are you headed in your life? Do you have a vision of where you want to go? Or are you simply reacting to the situations in which you find yourself?

Last week, I spoke briefly of the lies that people say about gamers. Many of us have started assuming that those false beliefs are our future. You’ve allowed those people and their stereotypes to set your expectations. You are who you are and that’s who you’ll be. But it doesn’t have to be that way. All it takes is a change in the way you think about yourself and your future.

Have you ever stopped and asked, “What would make my life worthwhile? What is the absolute highest thing that I want to accomplish with my life?” Maybe you’ve asked those questions about RPG characters, whose lifespan is sometimes only a few sessions. Have you asked that question about your own life?

Most of my life, I’ve had fleeting notions of where I wanted to go. I had some idea of the sort of job I wanted–of the quality of life I’d like to live. But I’ve never really set clear goals toward which I wanted to move. That has changed in the last few years. Just in the last few months, I stumbled upon a resource called Creating Your Personal Life Plan. If you’d like to start living more proactively, I’d encourage you to take a look at it. It will be well worth your time.

If you don’t have time to read that resource, let me give you a few questions to ask yourself:

What kind of legacy do I want to leave behind when I’m gone? How do I want people to think of me?

To whom do I want to leave that legacy?

What is the first step I need to take toward that legacy?

I understand this may be a new way of thinking for you. I’ve been there too. But I’m convinced this is your first step into a much larger world.

How have you embraced a more proactive life? How have you struggled with this way of living? Email me or sound off in the comments here!

Welcome to Experience Points, my weekly response to one of your questions about anything! Life, relationships, faith, or gaming…really anything is game! If you’d like to send in a question, feel free to email me. Here’s this week’s question:

Why in the world are you, a Pastor, playing tabletop games?

For the record, I know the person who sent in this question and he/she means it in the absolute nicest way! It is odd to stumble upon a cleric of any tradition in your FLGS, let alone one born and raised in the Bible belt and now serving in a conservative, Protestant institution. It raises the question: what’s your angle, preacher-man?

Stating the obvious: tabletop gaming is fun!

I was born in 1983, two years before the US release of the Nintendo Entertainment System. When my dad brought one home when I was four years old, things changed in our home! I became a console gamer. Really, quite frankly I was a Nintendo gamer…and still am. Except for the Gamecube and the Wii U, all the systems are currently hooked up to my gaming TV. But early on, I developed a gaming sensibility that continued.

My first brush with tabletop gaming was in junior high with the WEG Star Wars RPG. A friend lent me the book and after school I and my brothers sat down to try it out. When one brother’s PC decapitated the other’s with a lightsaber in the first five minutes, my mom made us take the book back. And then tabletop games disappeared from my life.

…until 2011, that is. I was actually a month away from moving to Louisiana, when the then-NBC sitcom Community had an episode about Dungeons & Dragons. I was immediately intrigued. I actually downloaded the basic 4th Edition rules from the WotC site, but moving soon took precedence and it slipped between the cracks. But only for a few months.

After moving to Louisiana and taking a new position at a small suburban church, I became acquainted with a college student who was doing some volunteering for us. As we got to know each other, we learned that we had a shared love of many things: the Beatles, comic books, and video games. But then he mentioned Dungeons & Dragons…

I knew all the horror stories from the eighties. I knew the sermon illustrations. I knew the Scriptures against witchcraft and the like. But when he invited me to join his gaming group, I took the Players Handbook home, read it in a week, and joined up. And guess what? It was fun. It was a heckuva lot of fun. As an extrovert who loves games and epic stories, I realized this could become a really great outlet for creativity, relaxation, and good old-fashioned fun.

The less-than obvious: tabletop gaming is good.

You don’t hear too many people talking about things being objectively “good” these days. But here’s what I found to be good about tabletop gaming.

First (which I’ve talked about at length elsewhere), there’s something sacred about tabletops. How many life-changing moments happen at tables? How many important conversations happen there? How many relationships are strengthened or challenged there? How many children are shaped slowly and daily by what happens there? In the Christian faith, one of our most important practices happens on a tabletop! Any time I find myself at a table with other people, I know that there is great potential for good. There is opportunity for relationships—for encouragement—for mutual care—for self-expression—for community. And these things are all objectively good.

Communities have much more potential for good than the individual does. That’s not to say individuals can’t accomplish good things. But unified communities bring about exponential change. Unified homes, seeking good things, are objectively good. Unified workplaces, seeking good things, are objectively good. Unified friends, seeking good things, are objectively good. And unified gaming groups, seeking good things, are objectively good.

Even if that means something seemingly trivial like “telling good stories.” Telling good stories enriches lives and homes. Humanity itself came of age while telling stories around meals. Before we ever wrote them down, we recited them and participated in them. As communities shaped the stories, the stories shaped us. It’s a sacred practice, happening at a sacred place. And I believe this to be good.

The draw for a Pastor

As a Pastor, I am a storyteller and a story-shaper. I tell stories that I believe will shape and transform the lives of the hearers. The stories that I tell occupationally are stories of faith, rooted in the Judeo-Christian tradition. I believe them to be true. But that does not mean that other stories cannot also be life-changing and redemptive.

As such, tabletop gaming (more specifically tabletop RPGs) is more than a simple interest to me. I believe it to be a means of transformation. Friendships happen there. Ideas are challenged and shaped in the process. People are transformed through these stories. As we shape them, they shape us. And I believe that to be good.

How have the stories at your tabletop shaped you? How has it strengthened and catalyzed your friendships and your worldview? Sound off in the comments!

Most games…are finite games. The game of soccer is finite—it lasts a certain amount of time and someone wins and someone loses. … We are really familiar with finite games. An infinite game is a game we don’t play to end—it’s not a game you play to win. It’s a game you play to play! So if you’re playing catch with your four-year-old, I hope it’s an infinite game—not a game you play to win by throwing the ball hard enough to make the other person quit!

As gamers, we understand the difference between finite and infinite games. We experience it all the time. But as I thought more about Seth’s comments, I realized something rather astonishing.

Life is not an infinite game. In fact, it is very much a finite game.

And I’m not even talking in purely temporal terms here. I mean this: you can win at life and you can lose at life. It’s a finite game. It ends. And at the end, we have to be comfortable with what we’ve accomplished. We need a sense that we have won.

Anyone who knows me from the Mad Adventurers Society knows that I am a pastor. That said, I don’t think the internet needs another Gamer Pastor. For that matter, the internet doesn’t need another Pastor for Gamers. Plenty of other folks are doing that quite well. So what am I hoping to accomplish with this new site, MadCleric.com?

On the Mad Adventurers Society, I’m a pastor who helps improve people’s games. Here on MadCleric.com, I want to be a gamer who helps improve people’s lives. I will certainly be open to talking about matters of faith, but that is not the only focus of the site. Here’s how I intend this to work:

Every Monday, I’ll invite you to join me here in The Cloister. Here I’ll be writing about non-gaming life issues from the perspective of a gamer.

Every Wednesday, I’ll be posting Experience Points, which will be a column wherein I respond to your questions about anything! Life, faith, politics, gaming…doesn’t matter! Though I do reserve the right to take the best gaming questions and use those to inspire my articles for…

…Tuesdays on the Mad Adventurers Society! I will certainly continue posting gaming articles over on MadAdventurers.com every Tuesday. In addition, I will continue as a moderator and frequent interlocutor over there. So don’t think I’m going to be disappearing from that place. Unless Brian wizens up and throws me out!

Well, we still have a ton to talk about, but then that’s what this site is for. But before I go, what do you think?

Is life a finite game? Can you win or lose? If so, in your opinion what are the elements of life that can make us win or lose in the process? Sound off in the comments by clicking here!