A Taiwanese girl on dating, love and life. I surrender to my vulnerability here, inspired by The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown

目前日期文章：201305 (6)

It has been a rough but also interesting year this year that there has been so much happenings, changes and challenges.

Lots of new things happened, just like 2008, 2010 or 2011. This time is a little bit different because it's happy and sad at the same time. It's up and down. It's full of surprises.

After finally leaving the job with the school, I found a new job in Taipei with CIEE very soon after and thought I am very lucky to find a good job so quickly and easily. CIEE is a big non-profit organization in the U.S.! Later on I realized it was a big "disaster" yet a great learning experience after a month working there and couldn't help but had to leave there. I had to go back to my hometown that I have always been trying to run away. I had a hard time living with my family members due to many reasons. I often feel depressed when I live with my family and I often wonder what's wrong with me. However, my recent experience has proved me right that I am capable of enjoy a life free of stress and issues from family and I really enjoy this kind of life.

Since I am determined to receive training for teaching Chinese before I left Taiwan and I found World Chinese Language Association has a good reputation, I come to Taipei every weekend regardless the cost. Surprisingly, my wish is being answered by the universe. I met and chatted with the boss of the hostel I stayed with and suddenly out of nowhere I got the opportunity to stay for free and do some work exchange. I guess the reasons why I got this opportunity is because I speak both English and Chinese fluently and I am super friendly and outgoing. And of course, I am so lucky to meet this nice boss by chance. I had never try this before. I believe it must be exciting and fun and indeed, it is.

I have been staying here for 1 month now and every day is like an advanture. I enjoy meeting all kinds of different people from different places. I feel so comfortable in this international but also local environment. It's so different from my hometown and the school I had worked with before. Meeting people and exchanging our life experiences and opinions open up my heart. I gradually discover the true self and realize: "oh! The world doesn't work like what I used to think." There are especially some people who are worth noting because thier thinkings or their ways of life impress me very much. Certainly the boss of the hostel is already a dream maker himself, and there are lots of people who drop by here are dream makers themselves.

Those new experiences have changed me and enabled me to know more about myself. Out of my expectation, those new experiences bring further changes to my life in a short time span. I am surprised I am not the same old conservative girl anymore. I am not sure what will happen in the long run, maybe I would be the same old me who fear to change and take actions, or maybe I would become so different that I start to fulfill my dreams. I just know I am still on my way to somewhere. Somewhere I belong or somewhere I want to be. It's a process and a lot of time I feel so insecure that I don't enjoy it. I want to learn to enjoy the moment and the process. I want to fulfill my dreams and destinies.

I thought that's what I wanted, regardless hurting my most beloved one.

Have I changed? I would say it's I have more courage now to pursue what I really want without considering others' feelings.

I feel so sad to see you cry, and also guilty that I don't feel as sad as you to leave this relationship, even though I know you gave everything you have to me and tried the best to make this relationship work.

You have been always the one who support and encourage me all the time and I am so used to it. I am used to talking to you everyday without trying to reach you, because you have always tried to reach me first.

I finally make up my mind to tell you what I want without thinking the fact that you won't be available for me anytime anymore.

You told me it's impossible to be like we were before, then I realized I am so selfish to want you to keep being my good friend after I do such thing to you.