Life Lessons with Skeletor

I’ve had a tough week. Thank god it’s Friday. My soon to be ex husband (aka Dr Man-whore) is trying to go back on his financial agreement. My only recourse is to fight him, and that means more lawyer fees. I am scared to death that when this is all over I won’t be left with anything. How am I going to rebuild when all this is over if there is nothing left to rebuild with? It is dire.

Thursday I was involved in a car accident, which was really scary and freaked the sh*t out of me. My back hurts a little, but my sister (who was driving) and I are okay. Her car is really messed up though. I am upset for her. She loves her car. Her accident would never have happened if she wasn’t helping to drop me off. I feel responsible.

On top of that I’m trying to cope with breaking up with my Napoleon. I loved that man. He says we will stay best friends; but oh how my heart hurts. Not a day goes by that I don’t cry for him like some silly teenager. Every day I send him a million texts, begging him to reconsider. I am embarrassing myself. The rejection is crushing. I genuinely thought he was my forever. I guess I was wrong. Having to close that door on all of the wonderful dreams I had for us hurts my heart more than you can imagine.

I have a hard time keeping it together (I am often found crying my eyes out in the bathroom), but somehow I must. It’s just me against the world now. I need to brush my depression aside. These feelings of grief and abandonment need to be swept under the carpet for now so that I can muster enough of my wits to save myself.

Music is helping. I downloaded some really kick ass songs that I listen to when I feel tearful or I’m about to embarrass myself by turning to someone who doesn’t want to hear from me. I am learning to turn my hurt into anger. It feels better than feeling sad. It feels more powerful. I need to find that strength that’s buried down somewhere so deep and forgotten. I know it exists because I remember seeing it so many years ago. I’m tired of being depressed. I don’t want to spend my life as a victim.

On that note, it’s Friday. F everyone. F all the tears and the sleepless nights. I want to get happy. I need a laugh. Maybe you do too.

Let’s get excited daaaahlings! It’s Friday after all.

Let’s get this party started!Today I want to celebrate all the awesome people who are rooting for me. I am blessed to have such dear sweet friends and family to turn to during difficult times. They make me so thankful. *Smoochies*Speaking of my friends, there are those fabulous strangers that read my blog and leave me words encouragement! Yeah, I mean you! Grab yourself a super fatty snack daaahling, the calories are on me today :).I am the center of my own universe, and nothing matters more than me. Now that I’m all on my own, I can be as selfish as I want to be. My ex always said I was good at that, but now I’m going strive for excellence! Yay me!!!For so many years, I was in my husband’s shadow. I forgot that I was important too, that I was also capeable of great things. Okay, so I have yet to discover what those things are LOL, but this time, when I do shine, it will be a light of my own making. That’s pretty freaking cool!Life is not going to end up as one giant pity part… Hell no!!! I have every intention picking myself up and putting back the pieces to construct a Caroline that is even more magnificent than I the one I was.One day I’d like to be able to say that I don’t need a man to complete me. It’s been a long time since I had that kind of confidence in myself, and I can’t wait for it to come back.And so my lovelies, today I ask you to remind yourself why you are special (because I know you are). Where were you this time last year? I bet you have accomplished something worth being proud of. Remind yourself.

I hope you guys are laughing a bit, or at least maybe have a teeny smile on your face. Yes, I have the oddest sense of humor of probably any blogger you’re going to come across, but that’s what makes me Caroline. Have a wonderful weekend and allow yourself to smile at the preposterous.It starts with the little things.

Definitely smiling. Thank you. Laughter (unless it is at people) is ALWAYS good. And my sense of humour is often blacker than night. And fortunately blacker than my worst depressions so far as well.
I am so sorry about the accident – and grateful that you and your sister are ok.