Life: Nobody ever said it would be easy, They just said it would be worth it.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Barefoot and Pregnant.

The amazing reality in where a simple pregnancy test can lead me from here on a direct climb to here almost belies belief.

In fact, I'm still not certain I really believe it.

I dreamt today that I was pregnant, and when I had the baby, after many hours in labour, there was but a whisp of smoke, and then it was gone, leaving me lying on the bed with nothing but the faint residue of ash, and no understanding of what had just happened.

How appropriate that I dream of ash, in relation to a baby of mine. My first baby is at childcare today, playing in the mud puddles, and painting with her friends. My second baby sits on the shelf in the lounge room - ash.

Still, this pregnancy has given me the positive. The much needed 'thing' to focus on. And I am grateful.

Peace, Clarity, all of it. Right now, lies in the fusion of a few cells deep in my body. An ultrasound couldn't tell you right now if those cells hold promise, or heartache. But for me, for us, they hold every single positive thought or feeling we manage to conjur up.

Support Maddie

A quick rundown..

"Don't blame God for taking me, Thank God for giving me to you"
The mother of two beautiful girls, its been a hard road to get here. Lucy is the almost, but not quite three year old with a personality the size of a giant, and heart of empathy to match. She is sweet, loving, honest, fun, outgoing, friendly and most importantly - Mine.
Ariana, our dear sweet baby, was born too soon, too small and too sick, and was called back to heaven to be with her true family after just four days in our lives. We grieve, love and miss our dear sweet angel, but our lives will be better for knowing and loving her.
Everything that happens to me, to us, as a family is here. It's not all rainbows and sunshine, and though we're blessed, its heartache and tears as well.
Life comes at you from every angle. Sometimes, you can jump out of the way and feel proud - other times, you just have to let it hit you, and then move on as best as you can.