I originally posted this on an infidelity support board, I am reposting it here.

a vent letter to the cheating husbands…or those thinking of cheating.

She’s chasing after you? Giving you coy smiles? Rubbing up against you? Leaning in, filling the air around you with her perfume?

You feel chased after? Wanted? Desired?

You’re not special. You’ve come across a woman that knows how easily men are led around by their egos. She’s feeding her own ego by seeing how easily you become a mass of hormones. She likely throws it out there to anyone, hoping for a bite.

The phone call, the welcoming voice in your ear. Why isn’t you wife like that towards you? Because she already feels safe, secure. Unlike this woman, she’s not seeking something that hasn’t been given to her. She is content with what she has.

You.

If she doesn’t act it, think first…do you always act like a man newly in love towards your wife? Why expect of her what you don’t give?

All for a woman who needed to eat a part of your soul to feed the emptiness that is hers.

If she’s chasing you, it’s because she thinks your an easy mark. People don’t go after rejection. So stop. Think with the head made for that task. Go show your wife some of the attention you crave and it will be returned in ways that hollow woman grasping after you never could.

Oh my God! I’m so happy I found your blog. Your point of view is the exact opposite of mine. That is, me being a former cheating husband. Your post, “Just so you know…you’re not special” is excellent. It fits my situation in so many ways, except for one tiny detail: After my affair, my former OW was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder. That’s the most serious form of the disorder. So think about it. The woman I thought was crazy about me was merely acting manically…going off the deep end. Talk about feeling like a fool. I feel like a complete idiot. And here, I thought I was special.

Bipolar or not, there is always a ‘sickness’ that allows a person to accept lies and deception as a relationship. My husband has done his best to examine why he has cheated and has come up with a few reasons.

I can’t tell you why S. cheated. She allowed herself to be sexually used and expected love and loyalty in return. What programmed her to believe that is how you build a relationship is probably what would tell you why she cheated. But that and the story of C. haven’t been told here yet, as the entries have been more painful than I expected.