In addition to "hitting somebody too hard", which draws a 15 yard penalty and automatic suspension, there are additional rules that must be followed, effective immediately.

New Rules:
- Looking at the Quarterback in an intimidating manner: This is unfair, and will result in a 5 yard penalty.

- Roughing the pretty boy QB: It is now illegal to get within the 3 ft 'personal bubble' of a quarterback who is at least a 7 on the 'hotness scale', which is determined by commissioner Adolf Goodell. Physical contact does not need to be initiated. If the defender is within 3 feet of the quarterback after a pass is thrown, it will result in a 15 yard penalty and automatic first down.

- Good TV ratings interference: If a pass longer than 30 yards is attempted, you may not jar the ball loose from the receiver, even if it is contact led by the shoulder. Big plays are good for NFL revenue, and we will not tolerate anyone trying to prevent this. Violation of this rule results in a first down at the spot of the foul and $15,000 fine.

- Offensive Pass Interference is now allowed: Because all the National Fairy League cares about is money in our pocket, we will also attempt to boost TV ratings and offensive output by making push-offs legal. Officials are also encouraged to call defensive pass interference on the defender who was pushed, just incase the receiver doesn't make the catch.

I LOL'd so hard at this. Let's not forget the rule that says you shall not speak out against Adolf Goodell. Those who speak out against Adolf Goodell are automatically issued fines and blacklisted.