It's official, folks: Miley Cyrus is the hottest woman in the world, according to Maxim magazine's annual Hot 100 list. The former Hannah Montana has snagged the No. 1 spot, as she first indicated May 3 when she tweeted about it to the delight of her fans and the likely ire of Maxim's editors. I guess this means bleach buzz cuts are the new marker of 21st century hotness.
In Maxim's requisitely sultry photo spread, the 20-year-old goes topless and semi-assless — that's what we're calling that calculated tear in the seat of her jeans. She also strikes a blow for feminism by telling the magazine, "It feels amazing to be No. 1, especially because it was voted on by the fans. I have the best fans in the world! It's every woman's fantasy to be told she's No.1 on Maxim's Hot 100! So crazy!"
To snag the top spot, Cyrus beat out also-ran hotties like Kate Upton, Olivia Wilde, Megan Fox, Selena Gomez, Rihanna, and last year's No. 1 slot-holder, Bar Refaeli.
Think Maxim made the right choice?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
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UPDATE: Matt Lanter has had to withdraw from the chat. Taking his place will be Ashley Eckstein, a.k.a. Ahsoka Tano, and all the rest of the details are the same. See you at 1:00 p.m. ET/10:00 a.m. PT.
Poor Ahsoka Tano. She's apprenticed to a future Sith Lord, has spent much of her teenage years on the battlefields of that Galaxy Far, Far Away, and now is on the run for a murder and bombing she didn't commit. And in this weekend's Season 5 finale of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, the drama will reach a fever pitch. Trust us, you're going to be talking about this one for a long time after it airs.
So to get you ready, Ashley Eckstein (@HerUniverse), who voices the on-the-run Padawan, will be joining Hollywood.com for a Twitter chat Friday March 1, at 1:00 p.m. ET/10:00 a.m. PT. She'll be taking your questions about the Ahsoka Arc, which you can submit by using the hashtag #CloneWarsChat. Then we'll retweet the questions we select for Ashley to answer directly to the @Hollywood_com handle, so if you prefer to just observe the chat, rather than participate, you can do that too. Just tune in to the @Hollywood_com Twitter page and follow along.
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How does Ahsoka feel Ahsoka's relationship with Anakin has grown over five seasons? Why is Ahsoka so sure that the Council won’t believe she’s innocent? And how has she benefited or not benefited from being Anakin’s Padawan? Those are the kinds of questions she'll be answering and much more. So start brainstorming! And join us at 1:00 p.m. ET/10:00 a.m. PT today. See you then!
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Lucasfilm/FlameFlyNet]
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In the beginning, Suits was about a hotshot lawyer and the smart ne'er do well he took under his wing (who wasn't technically a lawyer, but was smarter than most). But after two seasons, the USA dramedy has morphed into a funny drama about power dynamics in a female-led law firm and the relationships of its employees.
While much of the Season 2 finale action surrounded the pending merger of Pearson Hardman with the British firm of Harvey Spector's brilliant ex-girlfriend, the most shocking, jaw-dropping (and downright sexy) moment didn't surround the firm at all — it was an emotionally charged moment between almost-lovers Mike Ross (the non-lawyer lawyer in question) and Rachel Zane, the smart paralegal too shy to try for law school.
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Rachel confronted Mike about why he wouldn't send Harvard Law School a letter objecting to her rejection, and although it seemed like he might keep his mouth shut yet again, he finally confessed to Rachel what he'd almost revealed many times before: He wasn't actually a lawyer, and he never went to Harvard.
He didn't want to lose her respect or admiration (or attraction, frankly), but he realized he'd lose her anyway if he didn't tell her. Rachel ran away at first, but couldn't deny the magnetic moment between her and Mike and they wound up in showing the Pearson Hardman file room the sexiest time it has ever seen. Don't lie, this is a safe space: You totally rewound that a couple of times before you went to bed. You can tell yourself it was to examine what kind of core strength these two needed to balance their bodies across file shelves like that, but we all know the truth.
The post-Hardman aftermath was a major focus of the episode, too (sorry, it was the main focus, we're just flustered still after that ending), with Jessica asserting her power over Harvey to make him realize that she's still the dominant one in their partnership. Harvey lost his battle and the merger is happening, but he certainly won't be happy.
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Elsewhere in the episode, Louis had some great interactions with Donna, and Donna had some great interactions with Harvey and his sexy lady lawyer ex who's totally in love with him still (Donna is the best). Louis also had some fantastic moments with British Louis, the man at the other firm with his same job (played by the teacher from Love Actually).
The question of whether Harvey's name will go on the wall next to Jessica's is still up in the air, but who cares because that SEX SCENE YOU GUYS. It's all I can think about. It was so hot.
What did you think of the episode? Are you thinking about the merger at all, or are you still stuck on the Rachel/Mike developments too?
Follow Jean on Twitter @hijean
[PHOTO CREDIT: Christos Kalohoridis/USA Network]
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Who knew KGB spies hiding outside Washington in 1981 could be so good for ratings? FX has renewed its Cold War thriller The Americans after just four episodes. In the three eps since its killer Jan. 30 premiere, which drew an impressive 3.2 million viewers, the show has settled into a comfy average of around 1.9 mil. Solid for the cabler, but a good 2.5 million lower than FX's megahit Sons of Anarchy.
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The Americans, not to be confused with George Clooney's 2010 action movie The American, stars Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys as KGB agents sent by Moscow to infiltrate the United States and stand by to carry out espionage as needed. They pose as a married couple and work as travel agents...meaning that they technically are double agents if you want to be all semantic about it. The show pairs the couple's personal lives with the historical events of the period. The most recent episode on Feb. 20 took place during the attempted 1981 assassination of President Reagan by John Hinckley in which the KGB was suspected of being involved. Next up, another tragedy: Ordinary People beating Raging Bull for Best Picture at the Oscars the day after the attempt on Reagan's life. An event that surely must have had KGB backing as well.
We kid, we kid!
Do you watch The Americans? Are you happy it's getting a shot at a sophomore season?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Craig Blankenhorn/FX]
From Our Partners:25 Forgotten Celebrity Crushes of the ‘90s (Vh1)30 Stars Who Have Gone Topless (Celebuzz)

In our quest to bring you the best TV content, sometimes we have to look... backwards. That's why we have Thursday TV Throwback, wherein each week our staff of pop culture enthusiasts will be tasked with bringing back some of the best television clips that have been forgotten by time, space and the general zeitgeist.
This week, just in time for heart-meltingly wonderful Parks and Rec’s wedding, we're remembering our favorite past TV nuptials. Ben and Leslie’s “I do’s” are sure to be an instant TV classic, so what better way to honor their love then by taking a look back the best and brightest moment of wedded television bliss. From a Shaft-themed dance, to a snow-covered NYC wonderland, read on for all our favorite TV walks down the aisle.
Leanne Aguilera, Friends: We certainly cannot have a list of the best TV weddings without this perfection of a ceremony. Monica and Chandler’s wedding was the epitome of what made Friends such a classic and heart-warming show. There are too many amazing things to write about this scene, so I suggest you sit back, relax, and just watch all the wonderment unfold below.
Michael Arbeiter, Taxi: Unlike the rest of the entries on this list, Andy Kaufman’s first Taxi wedding did not in fact introduce a heartwarming marriage into the canon of the show. In need of a green card, Caspiar-born Latka Gravas endured a quick hitch to a good-natured prostitute… one whom he would never see again. But luckily, we would be seeing more of another new character present at the ceremony: Jim Ignatowski, the drugged-out reverend played by Christopher Lloyd who’d become a series regular from that point on.
Sydney Bucksbaum, Boy Meets World: Corey and Topanga may have gotten married in Season 7 Episode 7 of Boy Meets World, but the relationship at the center of the episode was Corey and Shawn. Both were afraid that the marriage would change their friendship, and the pent-up and unresolved issue resulted in a physical fight at the nuptials! Of course, their friendship survived the major step of Corey and Topanga’s marriage, and the wedding was beautiful and moving – but honestly, would you expect anything less from the brilliance that was BMW?
Alicia Lutes, Dr.Quinn, Medicine Woman: I spent many a Friday night tucked in at my grandparents' house, a plate of chicken and broccoli on my lap and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman on the TV. My grandmother &amp; I were obsessed. So when CBS presented its two-hour, two-part epic where — finally! — Dr. Michaela Quinn (Jane Seymour) and Harlequin-esque "friend of the Cheyenne" Byron Sully (Joe Lando) got hitched, it was big doings. Any show where your favorite lead characters take a stroll down the aisle is going to be The Best, but turns out the town of Colorado Springs (circa 1870) also thought it was The Best, as it was the biggest thing to happen in that tiny frontier town. Plus Dr. Quinn was a lady doctor in a time where lady-doctors were not exactly de rigueur — a career woman getting to have it all! Sure there was plenty (plenty!) wrong about the show, but '93 was a simpler time, my friends. And thus my unrealistic expectations about life and love were born.
Aly Semigran, Everybody Loves Raymond: Maybe it's because TBS reruns it every other week (ditto the episodes where they go to Italy) that I've just watched it more than any other TV wedding but I always get a kick out of Robert and Amy's nuptials on Everybody Loves Raymond. It wasn't just nice that the big lunk finally got his act together and married Amy, but their wedding had all the elements of a great sitcom wedding: funny (of course their mother was going to butt in) and sweet (who knew Ray had such a touching speech in him?) and a choreographed Elvis dance number.
Kelsea Stahler, Friends: I've never been a fan of over-the-top TV weddings. They always feel more contrived than the first kisses and last-minute, exasperated declarations of love. But on Friends, when free spirit Phoebe married wonderful weirdo Mike, they did so with Calypso drums in the middle of a freezing street with Ross holding an impossibly smelly old dog. It was sweet, awkward, and practically perfect in every way.
Abbey Stone, Full House: I still firmly believe there is no love purer than that between Jesse Katsopolis and Rebecca Donaldson (the only except might be the aforementioned bond between Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt). When I watched Jesse — thankfully sans the Monkey Puppets — serenade Rebecca with his song "Forever" during their ceremony on Full House, I firmly set my wedding expectations at an unrealistic level. Although, come to think of it, John Stamos is single again...
Kate Ward, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Now this is a story all about how… Isaac Hayes appeared at Will Smith's wedding? Well, at least his first attempt at a wedding with Lisa. Angry that Phillip wouldn't allow the pair a small ceremony, Will and Lisa escape to Las Vegas for some funky nuptials. Can you dig it?
Which TV wedding was your favorite? Sound off in the comments below!
Follow Leanne on Twitter @LeanneAguilera
[Photo Credit: NBC]
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By now, you've probably heard that Michelle Williams (not that one) has her own reality show on the way to coincide with the release of her newest gospel album. Apparently, just standing next to Beyonce with a practically muted microphone during the Super Bowl halftime show is enough to prop anyone back up into the spotlight. Congrats, Michelle-Williams-who-isn't-dating-Jason-Segel!
But if you were ever a fan of Destiny's Child, you know that Williams is the one member of the trio (we're only counting the Beyonce-Kelly-Michelle era version of the group, here) who never managed to have a thing. She was always the group member who got stuck wearing the experimental version of the outfits Beyonce's mom made for the other two girls. Her solos always landed during the parts of the song where the singer has to compete with the music. Poor Michelle was always the third wheel in the Kelly and Beyonce show. And now that she's doing a reality show about making a gospel album, even those of us who practically threw impromptu parties when Beyonce unexpectedly announced the Destiny's Child reunion are wondering what this show could possibly do to spice it up.
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Here's what it would take:
1. Every episode would also feature blond, pixie actress Michelle Williams, and hilarious hijinks would ensue when the two ladies' paths were inevitably, accidentally crossed.
2. Williams would have to admit that she was the least-appreciated member of Destiny's Child and then (and this part is key) tell us how she really felt about being thrown into that role. (Basically, we're hoping for some s**t-talking).
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3. Needs more Beyonce. It's not a pleasant thought, and I'm not proud of it, but the thing that makes Williams interesting is that she knows Beyonce, the de facto Queen of the Universe (of the moment). Beyonce, or GTFO.
4. Scrap the recording of the gospel album. Of course, by all means do it when the cameras aren't rolling, but give this girl some wacky hijinks to do. Keeping Up With the Kardashians only works because we fell victim to the confounding family when we heard Kim had made a sex tape. Give us something to hang on to, or this will be a snooze.
5. I was serious about the Beyonce part. You can't have a show about a member of Destiny's Child and not have Bey in it at least once. Ladies' vacation? Come on, it can't be any worse than the the Sex and the City movie.
[Photo Credit: Cindy Ord/Getty Images]
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Was this the episode we’ve all been waiting for from Revenge’s sophomore season or what? Finally, our favorite Hamptons sudser has managed to rebottle some of the narrative rocketfuel that made its first year so electrifying. And it only took the death of one major character to do it! Now, mind you, I think the idea of killing off characters has become a sorely overused plot twist in much of television. It’s a way of artificially generating drama and shock, for one. There’s also a callousness behind that plotting that’s fundamentally inhumane: as author Aaron Allston has noted, we don’t even call it “killing” these characters, we say we’re “killing them off.” (See: The Walking Dead.) The way Revenge handled its latest death, however, was both an organic development of its ongoing narrative and a humane, moving send-off. Perhaps most importantly, though, it was a bit of desperately-needed pruning when it came to the plot—as this was one character who truly had nothing more to contribute to the show.
SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT. BUT IF YOU'RE READING A RECAP CAN YOU REALLY OBJECT TO BEING SPOILED?
Yes, the “Sacrifice” of the title was referring to Amanda. Or rather Fauxmanda. A character I’m happy to be rid of because at least I won't be subject to writing ridiculous words like "Fauxmanda" again. I almost feel guilty for saying that, because her death was actually very moving. Still, I’m not gonna lie…”Mommy Fauxmanda” never did it for me. I preferred bikini-wearing, tire iron-wielding stripper Fauxmanda. But then again I’m a 26-year-old straight guy, so take that perspective with a grain of salt.
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“Sacrifice” finally brought us back to where Season 2 began: with a male hand submerged in the hold of the sunken Amanda. It shows how far Revenge’s buzziness has evaporated that, while last season all anyone could talk about was “Was that Daniel Grayson who was shot on the beach?” this year no one gave a s*** about the mystery. You’d be forgiven if you had even forgotten what exactly the mystery was. Well, it turned out to be like a small-screen version of Dead Calm. Which you could say is a surprising choice except that one of Revenge’s executive producers, Phillip Noyce, directed Dead Calm. If you’ve never seen the 1989 nautical thriller (you’ve really missed out) its about a married couple (Sam Neill and Nicole Kidman) menaced at sea by a shipwrecked psycho they rescue who promptly turns on them. If only Billy Zane could have been playing Nate here instead of Michael Trucco, then we’d really have an episode!
Newlyweds Jack and Amanda were laying in bed together, both experiencing some intense post-coital exhaustion. Jack decided it would be fun if they went up on deck, where it was cool and presumably they could resume their now-legitimate lovin’ by starlight. He didn’t have a care in the world. Declan and Charlotte were looking after Baby Carl. He’d bought back the Stowaway. And Nolan was tending bar. Of course, as soon as they left the hold, Nate’s hand crept around the doorway. He’d been hiding there for hours and hours, just waiting for the right time to strike. And he’s incredibly pervy since he’d basically just been watching (or at least listening to) Jack and Amanda schtuping this whole time.
NEXT: Victoria and Daniel put on an incredibly hammy performance for the Initiative’s hidden camera.
Back on land, Victoria, Conrad, and Daniel were coming up with a plan to cover-up the murder of Helen Crowley. Which would be hard to do since Helen’s chauffeur was still outside in his parked limo and waiting for her. But Victoria’s never one to be without a plan, so she put on Helen’s scarf and glasses and got in the limo…playing the role of the Initiative henchwoman herself. I really thought she was just going to kill this driver, but, it appears she didn’t. She just needed to make it seem really convincing that she was Helen so no one would suspect she died at Grayson Manor.
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In fact, much of this episode was about “acting,” in a sense. Victoria playing the part of Helen. Victoria and Daniel staging a charade for the Initiative’s hidden cameras. Jack acting all wrathful toward Amanda in front of Nate. The next morning after Helen’s death, Victoria began planning her next performance: having the staff return to help prepare the annual Labor Day Party during which Conrad would announce his gubernatorial bid. They would also begin work on pinning Helen’s death on Amanda, much to Daniel’s horror. But, I mean, she had blackmailed them, so what’s fair is fair, right?
The newlyweds woke up fully clothed topside on the Amanda. Before you knew it, Nate had a gun on the blushing bride and told them that the fact Conrad backed out of the Stowaway deal had cost him a fortune. Assuming that Jack was the one who spooked the mogul, he wanted to force him to call Conrad and get him back in the deal. When Amanda got Jack to herself for a moment she told him that they’d have to kill Nate, because he surely would end up killing them.
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Luckily for them, Emily just happened to be looking at a wedding photo taken the previous day of Jack and Amanda on the boat. And who should be peering menacingly out of a porthole? Nate. Way to go with the whole hiding thing, buddy! Emily and Nolan immediately took to the high seas to rescue the couple. Though how Emily would be able to explain her mad fighting skills to Jack is a problem for which solving would have to wait, I guess.
Daniel and Victoria staged that ruse in his office for the Initiative’s hidden cameras. He shouted at his mother that Helen Crowley had never represented any kind of danger or conspiracy and that all her company had done was double their fund. In a final show of flamboyant outrage, he called security on his own mother. Now Madeleine Stowe and Josh Bowman are fine actors. But Victoria and Daniel Grayson? Less so. I was really hoping Conrad would pull a James-Mason-in-North-by-Northwest and say something to Daniel like, “You rather overplay your part. It seems you need less training from Harvard Business School and more from the Actors Studio.” Count me unconvinced by the Graysons’ little charade. But apparently it had its intended effect on the Initiative. They mostly seemed to buy it. Meaning that perhaps Daniel and Victoria are such great actors, I can’t even tell their great actors.
NEXT: It’s the annual Grayson Labor Day Party! Where you’re not having fun if someone hasn’t left in a body bag.
Speaking of Conrad, he received a phone call from Nate, and they conferred about how Amanda had blackmailed the tycoon into leaving the Stowaway deal. Connie pretty much told Nate to kill Amanda, and if he did, then the deal would be back on. Yeah, Conrad Grayson is that malevolent. Silly Amanda pulled a gun on Nate—as if the thug needed any more convincing to kill her—but it wasn’t loaded. But before he could kill her, she revealed that she had access to a laptop with the intel she used to blackmail Conrad…something that could make Nate even richer than if he worked as a partner with him. She revealed that Jack was a patsy, a lovable schlub she used to get close to the Graysons to put into motion a plot to avenge her father. Jack overheard all this, of course. Suddenly, he pops out and accuses Amanda of using him. In the midst of their hostage situation he decided to have a full marital squabble. “Save the rest for divorce court,” Nate said. Jack told Nate that the laptop was down in the hold. And somehow the thug bought it, went down into the interior first, allowing Jack and Amanda to close the hatch behind him and trap him. But this ex-con had claws. He fired his gun through the bulkhead, and at least one of the rounds found its final resting place in Jack. There was only one hope for him…to get him on the Amanda’s motorized dinghy. But the flesh and blood Amanda wouldn’t be going with him. “What are you doing?” Jack asked. “Saving you.” She cast him adrift and prepared for a final showdown with Nate.
Back at the dock bar, Aidan had lured Padma to a meeting. If she was telling the truth and was in fact being manipulated by the Initiative, she could be another lead back to the terrorists. And maybe, just maybe they could even help her rescue her kidnapped father. After all, Aidan knew all too well what it was like to be in her position. Of course, Helen Crowley may be dead, but there was immediately another Initiative member to take her place.
And what better place for the new baddie, a weaselly henchman named Trask, to make his Hamptons debut than the Graysons’ annual Labor Day party! Yes, this is the fete that last year featured a Fire &amp; Ice theme, included the announcement of Daniel and Emily’s engagement, and saw Tyler gunned down on the beach. I kind of think of the Graysons’ annual Labor Day party like Kyle &amp; Mauricio’s yearly White Party on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: an event that’s supposed to be fun but inevitably turns out to be horrifying. Conrad set up one of the best lines of the night when he told Victoria that it was gratifying to see her in her element. “You mean in the midst of a crisis with blood on my hands?” his wife asked. That’s the kind of zing we haven’t gotten from Vicky in awhile. Glad to see she can still be a Pez dispenser of bitchery. Anyway, Trask confronted them at the party, meaning that Connie and Vicky had to tapdance once again. Surely Amanda Clark must have killed Helen, since her mother was married to Gordon Murphy, the Initiative’s white-haired agent who betrayed them and pulled Victoria off the bomb-rigged airplane that was supposed to be her doom. I’m not sure how much Trask bought it. He obviously hadn’t been convinced enough by her improv skit with Daniel to wave off attending the party.
NEXT: Farewell and adieu to ye, Fauxmanda.
No matter how you looked at it, though, Amanda was doomed. She flooded the boat with Nate still stowed away. But he popped up like a homicidal Whac-a-Mole and opened fire. One of his shots must have hit the Amanda’s propane tanks, because suddenly gas started leaking into the hold. Thankfully, right as he prepared for a killing shot, Emily appeared and shot him herself. She and Nolan had already rescued Jack from the skiff, and Nolan was taking him back to a hospital on the mainland in his own boat. Now Amanda would be saved too…except that Nate was determined that if he was going down in flames, so would she. So he pulled out his lighter and ignited the propane, blowing up the ship. Which wouldn’t have been so bad if Amanda had simply followed Emily. But no, she had to go back and pick up some necklace thing.
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Amazingly, Revenge cut away from this high seas drama to show us one last bit of Padma intrigue. She called Helen’s cell, and Trask picked up. He told her that her orders are still very much in effect, and just in case her resolve should be shaken, he gave her proof that her father’s still alive in the form of a package. When someone says “You can verify the fingerprints,” it’s never a good sign. Yep, a severed finger was in the package, presumably belonging to Padma’s father. I’m still calling bulls*** on this one, folks. Any fan of The Big Lebowski could tell you how easy it is to get a severed toe or finger. This could just be Padma’s double-cross ruse to make Aidan think she’s being set up by the Initiative, when in fact she’s pulling the strings. I bet Padma’s the type who could get a finger by 3:00, even with nail polish…if it weren’t supposed to be her father’s finger.
Back to the scene of the nautical disaster. The Amanda had foundered, and her fake namesake wasn’t doing much better. She thanked Emily for giving her the one thing she’d never had: a real family. She also made her promise to look after Jack and the baby. The she flashed back to when Emily left her in juvie and gave her her necklace, saying that she’d take it back someday when they were reunited. Well, that was the necklace Amanda was reaching for when the ship blew up, and now she gave it back to Emily.
It was a moving scene, but one that was inevitable. Amanda had truly outlived her usefulness as a character, and her departure here represents some much needed pruning to the plot. Her death also validated Emily once again. It made us applaud her for her efforts in trying to save Amanda, and hopefully her death will now steel her anti-Grayson/anti-Initiative resolve. It also allowed the Graysons to pin Helen’s death on Amanda, without Conrad actually having to kill her. Amazing how neatly everything was tied up. Here’s hoping that this gives Revenge exactly the adrenaline shot it’s been looking for all season and Emily the focus she’s been lacking for so long.
Do you agree that “Sacrifice” could bode well for a Revenge course correction? Was there anything else Amanda could have added to this show? Will Jack ever recover from his heartbreak over her death? And do you think I’m right that Padma actually provided that finger herself to make it seem like she’s being set up? Sound off below and see you back in March when Revenge returns!
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: ABC]
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“When I was just a little Padawan, I asked my Master, ‘What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?’ Here’s what he said to me: ‘Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. Que Sera Sera.’”
Fans of Alfred Hitchcock and Doris Day would know that tune anywhere. I’m not gonna lie, I was kind of hoping Ahsoka would start singing that at some point in the new Clone Wars episode. I mean, after all, it was titled “The Jedi Who Knew Too Much.” What’s funny is how relevant “Que Sera Sera,” the song that’s so prominent a part of Hitchcock’s 1956 version of The Man Who Knew Too Much, is to our little Togruta Padawan. Deep into her apprenticeship to Anakin Skywalker, she’s no longer the wide-eyed youth we first met on Christophsis five years ago. But she hasn’t completely come into her own, either. Is she a warrior? Is she a peacekeeper? In short, what will she be? And with the Dark Side obscuring everything, the future is really not hers, nor the Jedi’s, to see.
Based on Lucasfilm’s marketing of this arc, it seems that such answers are indeed on the horizon, and, even more so than last week’s “Sabotage,” “The Jedi Who Knew Too Much” seemed to set up those revelations. We began with a funeral. “Luminous beings are we,” Yoda said as he presided over the cremation of the Jedi who’d died in the Temple bombing. “But temporary vessels our bodies are.” Yeah, you can recite that over and over, but that never really gives much comfort. Palpatine was in attendance, and you can just imagine him scoffing internally when he heard that, obsessed with pursuing immortality as he is.
RELATED: ’Star Wars: The Clone Wars’ Recap: Bombed The Jedi Temple Is
After the funeral, we got a sense of just how hawkish Ahsoka’s become. Her “swift justice” attitude toward Letta, the confessed bomber, was even more hard-line than proto-fascists Anakin and Tarkin, who at least were arguing that she should benefit from due process. Tarkin, now an Admiral—by the way, whatever happened to Admiral Yularen?—suggested that the Supreme Chancellor wished to start separating the Jedi from military matters…even though they’ve been leading the charge as generals in the Grand Army of the Republic since the start of the war. Since clones were also killed in the Temple blast, the prosecution of Letta should fall to the Republic military and not the Jedi.
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I was glad to see Ahsoka bond with Barriss Offee once again. We haven’t really seen much of her since she turned into a zombie at the end of the Second Geonosian campaign way back in Season 2. Little Miss Tano could really benefit from being around someone her own age for once. What was interesting was that Barris was questioning one of the most fundamental tenets of the Jedi: the necessity of avoiding attachments. Is it right for a Jedi to move past emotion? On the one hand you avoid fear, anger, and hatred—emotions that lead to the Dark Side—but doesn’t compassion, supposedly the distinguishing characteristic of the Jedi, require some emotional commitment? Wouldn’t a Jedi be cold and callous rather than compassionate if he or she truly shunned all attachment? Wouldn’t that Jedi look and sound a lot like Count Dooku? Ahsoka stayed true to the Jedi line: yes, purging oneself of emotion, like how they rid themselves of fear when they thought they might die on Geonosis, does lead to greater clarity, she said. Of course, her actions throughout the rest of the episode completely contradict that sentiment.
NEXT: Please, if you’re a Jedi and someone in front of you is being Force Choked, don’t raise your hands like you’re the one Force Choking them.
The Separatists were launching a new offensive, this time in the Saleucami system. You know what that means: the Outer Rim Sieges! I’ve been saying for awhile that these battles that marked the last stage of the Clone Wars have been on the horizon, and now they’re really here. Order 66 isn't far behind. Obi-Wan headed to Saleucami, which was unfortunate given what was to come. Ahsoka, meanwhile, got a comm from Tarkin that the bomber, Letta, wanted to speak with her, and her alone. So she went to the military prison, a monolithic structure in the middle of a vast GAR staging ground.
The design of this building alone shows how much the Republic has changed. Whereas Classical arches, columns, and domes, even when forged out of gleaming transparisteel, used to be the defining Republic aesthetic, that’s all been replaced by hard angles and stark geometric patterns, all uniformly monochromatic. It’s like a cityscape made to look like the bridge of a Star Destroyer. Not to mention that the hallways of the prison look exactly like those in the Death Star’s detention block. There’s a line in James Luceno’s Darth Plagueis that’s a winking nod to all this polished Imperial chrome when Palpatine says that his taste in art “tends toward minimalism.” We’ve noticed!
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Once at the prison, Ahsoka had to surrender her comlink and lightsabers. She got her one-on-one with the accused, and Letta told her that she had been set up. Yes, she did feed her husband the nanodroids that turned him into a bomb, but it wasn’t her idea. Actually, it was a Jedi who cajoled her into doing this. Apparently, this Jedi was among those who believe the Order has lost its way, that they’ve become warmongers rather than peacekeepers. Still, it’s hard to imagine any Jedi who maintains a belief in the Order’s original mission of peacekeeping doing something as, you know, un-peaceful as bombing the Temple. Unfortunately, Ahsoka couldn’t get a name out of Letta because all of a sudden she levitated in the air, her hands clutching her throat in muted agony. Someone was Force Choking her, but the only Jedi around was Ahsoka, and the fact that she raised her hands toward Letta made it appear like she herself was Force choking her. This didn’t look good.
NEXT: What can parsing Alfred Hitchcock’s The Man Who Knew Too Much(both versions!) tell us about ‘The Jedi Who Knew Too Much’?
And this is where we have the Alfred Hitchcock connection. In both versions of the film—Hitch originally directed The Man Who Knew Too Much in 1934 (just out through the Criterion Collection following a sorely-needed restoration) but remade it in 1956—a couple is vacationing in an exotic place. They become entangled with a foreign spy, who’s quickly killed. But before he dies, the spy tells the husband (who, in the ’56 version is played by Jimmy Stewart) that an assassination is about to take place. Of course, he dies before he can give anything more substantive, like the names of the perps. The spy’s enemies, fearing that the vacationing couple is now onto them, kidnaps their son to keep them silent. Obviously, in “The Jedi Who Knew Too Much” there wasn’t a kidnapping, but I do think whoever Force Choked Letta wanted to shut her up before she revealed anything more. Perhaps a bigger attack against the Jedi is still in the making. Also, just like the vacationing sap in The Man Who Knew Too Much, Ahsoka’s proximity to the deceased marks her as the mostly likely suspect in her death. Here’s an idea: if you encounter someone who’s been stabbed, don’t pull the knife out of the body, making it look like you were the assailant. And if someone’s being Force Choked in front of you, don’t put your hands up in the air, as if you are the one doing the choking. Anyway, check out the initial murder scene from the ’56 Man Who Knew Too Much to see just how similar this situation is to the one in which Ahsoka finds herself.
Tarkin quickly confronted Ahsoka with the evidence against her, particularly the holorecording of her with her hands up as Letta’s being choked. Not good. There were no other Jedi in the facility at the time. Really not good. And if there had been another Jedi there, why didn't she sense them? Really, really not good.
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Anakin, unfortunately, was'nt allowed in to visit her. I thought for a moment he was going to Force Choke the guard, to bust his way in. But he exercised some restraint. Nonetheless, Ahsoka suddenly saw a key card outside her cell. She used the Force to levitate it and swipe it so she could get out. She thought it was from Anakin. ‘Fraid not. She was only being set up further, which she quickly realized herself when she saw clone troopers lying about unconscious and her lightsabers mysteriously on the floor. The still-conscious clones, thinking she’d escaped and was psychotically homicidal, gave chase. And then she saw it…clones dead on the ground, obviously having been slashed apart by a lightsaber. Someone really was trying to make it seem like she was on a killing spree. Now, she couldn’t go back. But who would be setting her up like this and why?
NEXT: So just who is setting up Ahsoka and what is their motive? We think we have an answer!
Let’s think this through. Obviously, a Force User killed Letta. And it had to be a Force User who could either gain access to the prison as a matter of routine or who could remain totally undetected by all the clones stationed there. A Force User who also could enlist Tarkin as an ally. Oh, and remain invisible in the Force to Ahsoka. If Tarkin’s to be believed, there were no other Jedi there. So that leaves really only two suspects. It could be Darth Sidious, though why the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic would be at a military prison is a bit hard to explain. Unless he was using the Force to remain completely invisible even to his own troopers. Or maybe this is one of the “other uses” Sidious had in mind for Maul, and the tattooed Sith pretender was the one who Force Choked Letta, perhaps from the cell where he himself has been confined following that skirmish on Mandalore. That seems less likely, though, because Maul’s never been one to conceal his presence in the Force. The Jedi—and Sidious—could sense him from half a galaxy away. That's how big of an impact he made. But Sidious? Now he knows how to hide his Force powers. He interacts with the Jedi all the time and never have they suspected his true Sithliness. It’s gotta be him who killed Letta, especially since his confidant Tarkin would be so easy to loop in.
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But what possible motive could Sidious have for framing Ahsoka? Easy. The long game here is to isolate Anakin. Sidious plans to make him all the more ripe for seduction to the Dark Side by stripping away the people around him. First, he’ll get rid of his apprentice. Fabricate a situation that causes her to be in prison or, if she escapes, requires her to leave the Jedi Order. That’ll increase Anakin’s defensiveness, his feeling of injustice, which’ll be magnified even further when Yoda and Mace Windu refuse to make him a Jedi Master despite his seat on the Jedi Council. The subtext is kind of like, “Well, we can’t make you a Master because of that whole matter of your failed Padawan…” That’ll only increase his resentment toward the Jedi. Eventually then Sidious will rob him of Obi-Wan and Padme as well, so that all Anakin will have left is him…and the Dark Side.
But getting rid of Ahsoka is the first step toward making any of this happen. And that’s why I think Sidious has not only the means but the motive to be the real perpetrator here. To Letta, I’m sure he seemed like a Jedi. Most people couldn’t really tell the difference between a Jedi and a Sith. They both have powers that make stuff fly around and carry laser swords, what’s the diff? Anyway, that’s my theory unless all of a sudden The Clone Wars has decided to introduce a new character into the mix. But this seems rather late in the game to add an anti-Jedi Jedi like Sora Bulq.
NEXT: Yeah, about that whole “moving past your emotions” thing. Ahsoka needs to practice what she preaches.
So much for that whole thing about moving past your emotions. Ahsoka acted pretty irrational for the rest of the episode, somehow thinking that no one, absolutely no one, not even the Jedi Council, will believe that she’s innocent. So like Roger Thornhill in North by Northwest or Richard Hannay in The 39 Steps, she went on the run. The clones gave chase, including a couple K9 troopers with battle neks to sniff her out. If you ask me, though, vornskyrs would have been a better creature to use here since they can track Force-sensitive beings. Probably would have been a challenge to animate the six-legged beasts, though.
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Ahsoka headed to the industrial pipelines that feed water and fuel into the government district of Coruscant, presumably located right near the military staging grounds. These looked a lot like the massive pipelines I first saw illustrated by Ralph McQuarrie in Kevin J. Anderson’s The Illustrated Star Wars Universe. That mega-plumbing really gives a sense of the vast scale of the utilities needed to keep Coruscant running. I’m also pretty certain that those massive exposed pipes are located near The Works, an abandoned industrial area of Coruscant in which Darth Sidious maintained a secret hideout during the Clone Wars. Given his proximity, it’s all the more likely then that he was the one who killed Letta.
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Gotta love that Death Star-style turbolaser that fired on Ahsoka at one point. And there was even a Juggernaut! Finally, she sliced open one of those giant pipes and climbed inside to facilitate her getaway. She continued to elude the clones…but not Anakin. He finally cornered her in a dead end, as the pipe opened up onto a vertiginous cavern down into Coruscant’s underbelly. She screamed, “You didn’t even try to help me!” at Anakin, which seemed a bit unfair, though not as illogical as her “You know as well as I do that no one else will believe me.” Really? You can burn your bridges as a Jedi that quickly? This was a scene straight out of The Fugitive, and like Richard Kimble, Ahsoka took a leap of faith. She dove straight down into the abyss and hopped aboard a hover-ferry heading down into the lower levels…where Anakin himself obviously would dare not tread.
This is exciting, gang! We’re going to see the lower levels of Coruscant next week. Hopefully, there are some rakhgouls down there. And for all we know this could help introduce the environs of Star Wars 1313. A great set up though it was, “The Jedi Who Knew Too Much” was pretty great standing alone too, wasn’t it? Until next week, I leave you with this.
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Lucasfilm]
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It's an impressive feat for a movie to be strange and forgettable, subversive yet littered with crass product placement. Escape from Planet Earth manages to be all of these things and more. In this world, aliens are abducted by government officials, Roswell is an intergalactic work camp, an Army general is conducting an online affair with a sexy alien lady, and the stoners who work or hang out or whatever at 7-11 ply their new little blue friend with a matching blue Slurpee. Sounds promising, right?
Not entirely. For the most part, the plodding plot is driven by a lackluster sibling rivalry between Gary Supernova (Rob Corddry) and his lantern-jawed brother Scorch (Brendan Fraser). These little blue dudes live on the planet Baab and work at BASA, which is (obviously) Baab's version of NASA. Gary's the nerdy mission control guy who saves his brother's butt when Scorch is off being a bad ass astronaut. A plodding series of events lands them both on Earth, a planet full of violent, devolved creatures where aliens from across the galaxy routinely go missing. There, they find the devious General Shanker (William Shatner) is snatching otherwise peaceful aliens and putting them to work on building a giant weapon that will destroy the universe. The other aliens Gary and Scorch run into are way more interesting and fun than the folks they left behind on Baab — a cafeteria food fight between Roswell employees and the aliens is more entertaining than 90% of the interactions between Gary and Scorch — which is a bummer since Gary's wife Kira (Sarah Jessica Parker) is hot on their heels to rescue them. Lena, the head of BASA, is a lovelorn villainess (Jessica Alba) who would be willing to blow up the world for a hot human with an Elvis pompadour that she met online. She and Kira used to be coworkers but now Lena's like, whatever, now you're a stay-at-home mom! And Kira's like, I will kick your butt. And so on. The female characters in the movie are pretty decent, all things considered.
Still, Escape from Planet Earth is a bit of a mess. Are we rooting for family values? Or railing against how silly humans are? Or constantly, odiously plugging 7-11? There is also auto-tuned music on the soundtrack, although it's not clear if this was yet another invention of the aliens (like the iPhone, Facebook, the Internet, and Pixar, according to one montage) or yet another example of how humans have devolved. Adding to the confusion: a sexy news reporter alien voiced by Sofía Vergara.
Escape from Plant Earth seems like its plot was originally cooked up by some sorta cool goofy dudes — I mean, Steve Zahn and Chris Parnell as stoners who work at 7-11? Pretty funny! — that was then wrangled into something a little more family-friendly. (Vis the website, which is littered with seals of approval from the Parents Television Council and the Dove Foundation.) It's not that it's particularly bad, it's just not something that sticks with you in any meaningful way. The rest of the voice cast is pretty good, like Craig Robinson as a cool talk radio "therapist" alien and Jane Lynch as a one-eyed librarian from the sun with anger management problems. It's just that there's so much other stuff happening that isn't particularly gripping. Like the crux of the entire story. Who cares if Gary and Scorch ever make up? Who cares that Kip thinks his dad is a pantywaist? You really don't. In a world where film-lovers of all ages can be challenged, entertained, and moved by animated film, it's entirely fair to expect more of family films.
(Escape from Planet Earth is available in 3D, but for expediency's sake, I saw the 2D version.)
2.5/5
[Photo Credit: The Weinstein Company]
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CBS has made a badass new hire for its summer series Under the Dome: Dean Norris, Breaking Bad's resident lawman, will play one of the leads in the 13-episode adaptation of the Stephen King book about a small New England town that's mysteriously surrounded by an invisible dome that seals them off from the rest of the world.
Every small town needs a big personality, and Norris' Big Jim is the Buddy Garrity-like schmoozer of Chester's Mill (to put it in Friday Night Lights terms). He's in the local government and a big-shot business owner, so he's got his hand in plenty of the town's affairs. Could he — and other town residents — know more about the mysterious event than they initially let on?
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Norris joins former Pan Am pilot Mike Vogel, who plays a former soldier named Barbie who's now wrapped up in some less-than-legal affairs, in heading up the new series.
The series is produced by Steven Spielberg and is scheduled to debut in the summer.
Follow Jean on Twitter @hijean
[PHOTO CREDIT: FayesVision/Wenn]
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