All Time

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Okay John You’re Not Gay, May I Shower Now?

John told me with
his broken English that I was handsome. Well thank you, John. I like your sense
of humor. Either you have drunk too much of this spa water we are wading on or
you just have very poor taste. In any case, you are starting to annoy me, and
the maintenance guy is looking at us.

I arrived in Seoul without any kind of
reservations. That has been my modusoperandi since I started traveling last
year. Why reserve when you can just walk-in and bank on luck, right? Wrong, at
least in Seoul.
Let me warn you as early as now that if you are planning a trip to South
Korea especially during the summer months of July and August, do yourself a
favor and reserve accommodations prior to your arrival. If not, then you could
always try a Jjimjilbang.

Sorry,
Jilijim-what? 침질방 (Jjimjilbang). Now say that fast ten times without pausing.
That is the Korean term for a bath house with facilities such as thermal pools,
fomentation rooms, PC Bang, eatery, massage areas, and common dormitories for
men and women; in the case of Silloam they also have one for snorers. For
Koreans, these are places where one can relax and enjoy a bath. For foreigners, these are cheap accommodation alternatives. Silloam, for
example, charges 12,000 won for a stay from 8 PM to 10 AM the next day. That is
around 500 Philippine pesos for 14 hours of stay with access to all their
facilities including the sleeping area. You could probably get a crappy hostel
dorm room for the same price, albeit with a filthy bathroom.

Of course it comes
with disadvantages. If you are planning to take a tour around the city during
daytime, where would you leave your bag? In a locker in one of the Metro
Stations of course! Haha, good luck with that. The first thing I did not like
about Silloam actually had nothing to do with Silloam. My laptop and phone
batteries were drained and I needed to charge them. I had no adaptor. Neither
did any of the Silloam staff. That is not their fault. It is not a hotel after all. It is a bath house.
Another one was the problem with the WiFi, which was not exclusive to Silloam. I
also was not able to figure out how to tap the WiFi in the trains and public
areas. They bring you to the webpage of T-Mobile or Olleh and ask for a username and
password in order to use the service.

Aside from those, I
had no more qualms about Silloam. I could have stayed there for the whole week
I was in Seoul
but I just desperately needed some alone time and some privacy in a small guest
house room that I could have for myself. The sleeping area at Silloam was
comfortable enough to guarantee a good night sleep for the three nights I
spent there. Even though people came and went, they actually did so quietly. The room was dimly
lit and just cool enough. The only distraction I had was the occasional snorer
in denial.

John was a 32-year
old Korean guy who joined me in one of the thermal pools and initiated a
conversation. I would not have been weirded out by his behavior had we been in
another place. Perhaps, he was just an über friendly local curious about a
foreigner invading their bath house. The thing was, we were butt naked and chatting in a pool. And he would not stop
insisting on scrubbing my back with his towel. He tried to communicate with his
broken English. I tried to reply with my broken Korean. The language barrier
could actually be your friend or foe in this kind of situation, depending on
how you utilize it.

Nudity was the
norm in that place, at least in the men’s locker room. It is probably the same
case with the women. They would just strip in front of you like it was as
natural as passing gas or snapping your finger after picking your nose to get
rid of the evidence. We Filipinos come from a pseudo-conservative society. We
are a bunch of hypocrites like that.
Some degree of culture shock was expected, especially if you are not that
comfortable with your own skin, in a literal sense. However, being naked was
the norm, as
mentioned. You would never see anyone in the bathing area wearing anything.
If you decide to wear swimming trunks or briefs you would definitely stick out
like a sore thumb and eventually draw more attention to yourself. So I thought,
what the heck. I stripped.

I stripped in
front of Korean teenagers in the nude
who
were not even unfazed by the presence of a naked foreigner among them. I
stripped in front of the two old men manning the cashier who, for some reason,
kept on talking to me in Japanese. I stripped in front of middle-aged men whose
beer bellies made them appear as though they were well in their third trimester of pregnancy. I stripped, my friends. I
stripped. And I have never felt so free.

It was a
liberating feeling indeed. I have had my fair share of unsuccessful stories about
joining the gym bandwagon back in Manila.
Back then, parading myself with just my underwear in the locker area already
felt so vulgar. That is why I always went in and out of the showers with a large
towel wrapped around my waist. The chosen few who felt comfortable in their
birthday suits were already considered thick-faced, in particular those who
had no right to such exhibitionism. Hey, if you got it flaunt it. If what
you have got though is too much fat or too little, better just hide it. See. I
judge. You judge. In that bath house, however, they just did not care. It is part of their culture and I am glad to have had experienced it. It did help
boost my self-esteem somehow. And then
John.

He kept on asking
me the same questions.

You know no
person in Korea.
You in Korea.
Why?

I’m on vacation,
I replied.

You know no
person in Korea.
You go to Korea.
You like Korea?
Why?

I am learning
Korean. I think the language is nice.

No. So, you come
to Korea.
You alone. Why? He repeated.

Uhm, I like the
place... I like the weather! I answered.

Weather here bad.
Philippines
good, he said.

Point taken. You see,
John, I am running out of answers because you have been interrogating me with
the same question for around ten minutes now. Why not answer your questions
for me? It was getting hotter in the pool, which was set at 38 degrees so I
told him I would transfer to the cold pool next to it. As expected, he joined
me. Anyway, that pool was effin’ cold. What the F. Is it not that when you
transfer from hot to cold water there should at least be a few minutes of
warmth before you freeze to death? It was immediate in that pool, so I just
sat by the steps. John also did, after swimming to the other side and back.

He kept on
pestering me with the same question before trying others seemingly lifted
directly from a slam book. He asked me what kind of food I liked. I said I like
sweet food. He told me he would buy me sweet food the next day. Wow, John, how
sweet. I can buy my own food. You want me to slap you with my dollars? The
amusing thing was that he already made plans for us for the next day. He told
me he would bring me to Itaewon and Insadong so we could practice my Korean.
Okay. It was getting cold so I told him I was going to the sauna. He also went.

Now it was really
hot in that sauna but you just could not help but enjoy the wonders it does to your
skin. I kept on feeling my face and it was just so smooth and soft to touch.
Perhaps this is the secret to their blemish free complexion. If they frequent
those bath houses that much it
must be doing a lot of amazing stuff for their skin. It was in the sauna where
John told me that his best friend was Filipino who moved to Canada.
Okay, the plot thickens.

John went out for
a while, perhaps not used to the heat. Haha, got you. You might be able to
endure that extremely cold pool, but there is no beating a Pacific Islander in
enduring this heat. I tried scrubbing my limbs with the pile of salt provided
in the sauna. I do not know if that achieves anything but I just had to try. Okay fine, I am amused. Go laugh.
I have not really been to a sauna before. Anyway, when John went out I gathered
all the Korean I could and asked the other guy in there, 그는gay 사람이에요? I did not
know if he understood me or if what I said actually made any sense. He just grinned for a split second before totally
ignoring me as if I was not there.

John must be psychic because when he
joined me again in the common shower area he started to tell me repeatedly that
he was not gay and that he liked girls, after which he started to scrub my back
with his towel and shampoo my hair. I was not born yesterday, John. What really
is your motive? Anyway, he looked at my locker number via my locker bracelet. He
also asked for my complete name. I think I told him I was Segismundo
Punongbayan or something. It does not matter since he really had a hard time
pronouncing non-Korean words. I was already trying to shoo him away because the
back scrubbing was totally uncalled for. What, you applying to be my nanny or
something? He moved under the next shower head. I went on showering until he
left for the towel room. He said he would wait for me. Eek. There is a reason why
I travel alone and suddenly I have excess baggage following me around.

I lingered
by the 38 degree pool again after showering. I could see John peeking from the
outside, looking for someone, obviously me. When he did find me I told him
point blank, 먼저가. Luckily, he did, although he said he
would be waiting for me so we could sleep upstairs. And so the thinking
marathon began. What does he want from me? I was not sure anymore if he was
actually hitting on me, or was going to hit me with something on the head and
take my dollars. Ulterior motives. Or is this just a case of misunderstanding?
Had he approached me in a different place with clothes on I would not have
minded having a chat. Who am I to reject potential friends anyway, right? I,
the loner.

If he was
indeed hitting on me then wow, this is actually the first time in my 25 years
of existence that someone actually did! NYAHAHAHA! This is too funny. And it
really had to come from someone of the same sex, huh. Beggars cannot be
choosers? LOL. And I am actually saying this with conviction as if I looked
like Brad Pitt. Or Brod Pete. Whatever, spelling has not really been my best
linguistic skill. Anyway, I find it really amusing, although it might have been
a different case if the place was not as public and without an inherent sense
of community. In there I just felt safe because somehow I knew that if
something untoward happened, someone would certainly rush to my aid.

I still
could not dismiss the thought that he had another motive. I have been victimized way
too many times in this lifetime for being gullible and I had to learn how to
outwit people the hard way, lest I end up the one being outsmarted again. I have
had enough of that. I actually gave my mobile phone to a snatcher when I was a
college freshman, and he did not have to threaten me with anything, just some
sales talk. The police said it was hypnosis, but to me it all became clear by
then.

People
would take advantage of you whenever they can. It is up to you to be clever
enough to play along and reverse the situation, or avoid it altogether. And
that is why I really find it hard to trust people. After all, we are all just a
bunch of rational individuals looking out for our own interests regardless if
it sometimes involves having to outmaneuver or disillusion someone else if it
actually contributed to the fulfillment of our plans. John might be Korean, but
he is also human. Like you. Like me.

He was
already fully-clothed waiting by the lockers when I came up from the bath area.
True enough to his promise, we went up together. He was actually planning to
sleep in the common areas on the third floor where there were mats with
unconscious people striking eccentric poses while asleep as if they were in the
comforts of their own homes. I told him I would be taking a nap at the sleeping
area upstairs. He joined me. I took the lower portion of a corner bunk bed. He
took the lower portion of the bunk bed next to it. The beds were separated with
a wooden wall just tall enough for you not to see the person on the other side.
I just slept, and was awakened occasionally by John murmuring on his phone,
perhaps planning with his group on how to kidnap me for ransom, or simply
talking to his mother. Who knows.

I woke up
earlier than I should. Instead of sleeping again, I decided to take advantage of
the head start. John was still murmuring on his phone. Anyway, I managed to slip
out of bed without him noticing. Good. At least I would not have to push him off
a window or drown him in one of the thermal pools just to get rid of him. I
immediately took a bath and took off right after that. No sign of John
anywhere. All good.

Somehow I
feel guilty. I am always on the negative side of things when I meet someone for
the first time. You cannot blame me though, I have given a lot of people the
benefit of the doubt and most have ended up disappointing me. Again, maybe John
was just a curious friendly local (too friendly for his own good), or a sub
boss of a local Mafia gang. The important thing is that I did not end up on the
losing side once again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I have been fooled a lot of times already that I am just so sick of the shame falling on
me.

Some people
long for community. I find inner peace in solitude. So there.

@ayan - you are the first to comment, thanks. I was really wondering how people would react to this, lol. Anyway, what you say is possible. It could be that he was just uber friendly and I was just uber paranoid. =)

hahahaha~ This is a great post. He was probably looking for some bromance. I have a number of Korean friends, some guys, and most of them don't really have this thing we call 'gaydar' They do develop it, though after some time here in the Philippines.

Just discovered your blog, and I am very impressed. You are a very entertaining blogger; excellent writer. Keep it up! Good luck ^_^