Recent tragic events have brought it to my attention that the world is chock full of lots of not very bright people with very bad ideas.

For that reason I thought I better offer a little clarification on the content of this blog. This blog is for entertainment purposes only. It contains jokes, parody, sarcasm, and opinion. It does not contain esoteric truths about mysterious secret conspiracies. Nor does it contain instructions from God telling you to seek out and hurt or kill your enemies.

Typically I like to maintain character and deliver the content on here with no explanation and in a deadpan style that may or may not make the joke obvious to you. I don’t really care to explain the stuff to you. It’s meant to get a reaction. That’s about the extent of it. Here’s a clue: if you don’t get the joke or it pisses you off and offends you, then the joke is probably at your expense.

More importantly though, if you read about the Sesame Street Illuminati conspiracy (and the graphic of Cookie Monster holding up a redacted MK Ultra document doesn’t clue you in) and you fail to realize that I’m pulling your leg and made the whole thing up, then you might have bigger problems than just lacking a sense of humor.

For a long time I didn’t really bother about how people were falling for some of this stuff, but now I see that I might need to let the cat out of the bag for some of you more sensitive readers. I noticed that in any given month I get around 50 search term traffic hits about Sesame Street Illuminati New World Order connections. And that is on a blog that I have not been posting new material to for more than a year. I get comments from people thanking me for exposing the truth. So listen up: IT’S A JOKE. I made the whole thing up.

I thought it was pretty obvious myself, but like I said before I deliver some of this stuff in a deadpan style without any explanation so I suppose it was bound to confuse some folks. And for me that was part of the joke. But not now. Now I’m not really amused that some of you are too dense to see how silly this stuff is.

Also, a special word for the truly mentally unstable out there who might take something on here and fixate and run with it… If you are the sort of person who is subject to delusions like thinking that God is speaking directly to you through the obscure conspiracy theory blog on the internet then this is for you:

THIS IS GOD SPEAKING TO YOU. ALL THOSE DARK FANTASIES YOU’VE BEEN HAVING… ALL THOSE IDEAS ABOUT HURTING AND KILLING PEOPLE IN MY NAME. I HEREBY INSTRUCT YOU TO FORGET THOSE BAD IDEAS. PUT THE GUNS DOWN. STOP PLANNING WHATEVER FUCKED UP MASSACRE YOU HAD IN MIND. INSTEAD HERE IS WHAT I, THE GOD WHO COMMANDS YOU, WANT YOU TO DO: GO IMMEDIATELY TO THE DOCTOR. TELL HIM THAT YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FEELING WELL. TELL HIM THAT YOU HAVE THESE WILD IDEAS ABOUT FAR-FLUNG CONSPIRACIES. TELL HIM THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WANTING TO HURT PEOPLE. TELL HIM THAT THE GOD BLOG HAS BEEN TALKING TO YOU AND TOLD YOU TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. GOD COMMANDS YOU TO SEEK TREATMENT IMMEDIATELY. MOST IMPORTANTLY, GOD COMMANDS THAT YOU DO NOT HURT YOURSELF OR ANYBODY ELSE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? THANK YOU.

If you are just a normal person that gets the joke then please enjoy the blog.

It’s been awhile, I know. Hey, get off my case. All this super secret shit and mind control is really time consuming stuff. And the average government shill gets burned out on the gig pretty quickly. How can we be expected to keep up the pace? All the lies and disinformation… It’s exhausting.

But with the New World Order brand taking a real beating in the marketplace word came down from The Overlords upstairs in their gleaming pyramid-topped obelisk that every available agent must report for duty immediately. So here I am. I haven’t even shaved.

What’s next? What’s the grand scheme? Who knows with these guys… They’re always pulling some fraternity stunt bullshit. They’ll probably want a whole shitload of disinfo on a super ridiculous deadline. You know how the boss is. Always bitch bitch bitch. We needed that yesterday. These masses of people aren’t just going to enslave themselves. Blah blah blah.

You know, we shills have lives too. We’re just normal people like everybody else. I get up out of my cryogenic chamber and pull my pants up over my scaly lizard legs one leg at a time, just like you. When I go to the kitchen for breakfast I pour myself a bowl of embryonic stem cells and open the fridge to discover that we’re out of virgin blood, just like you.

Anyway… I’m back for now. Probably be buried in paperwork for awhile. There’s a lot of catching up to do. But rest assured, I’ll be here toiling behind the scenes to ensure that our global domination continues smoothy.

Let’s be honest. Sure, Mel Gibson sounds like a raving lunatic on those tapes… But I think most men can agree with one thing he said: “I deserve to be blown!”

What man hasn’t at one time or another felt this way? Most of us don’t scream it hysterically at our partner while threatening to burn the house down, but privately whom amoung us doesn’t feel he deserves to be blown?

Well, now you can tell the world how you feel with the “I deserve to be blown!” t-shirt and boxer shorts.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last couple decades, you’ve probably been exposed to right-wing radio pundits. They are literally a dime a dozen. It is easy to forget just how many of them there are until one of the really big ones goes on vacation and you start to see the long list of potential substitutes there are waiting in the wings to fill in at a moments notice.

One of the long held sacred cows of the right-wingers is that the mainstream media has an inherent liberal bias. It has been repeated so often and by so many of these guys that it is literally treated as an article of faith. It’s a foregone conclusion: A fact so obvious that it requires no evidence. The odd thing about such a claim is that there are so many conservative hosts with a national platform from which to preach this mantra. FOX News actively positions itself as an answer to this supposed liberal bias with their slogan “Fair and Balanced”. As if the answer to the imagined media slant is to intentionally slant in the other direction.

I started writing this entry way back in September 2009. Part of the plan was that I was going to pull photos of all the conservative talking heads I could think of and contrast them with all the liberal talking heads I could find… I sort of ran out of steam along the way. I’m not going to pretend that I was keeping records but I swear I had about 20 conservative TV and radio pundits. On the overtly liberal side I can think of maybe two or three off the top of my head. The task became exhausting and I abandoned it and this blog for other things I had going on.

But I hate to waste a goofy photoshop mash-up, so here it is.

Since this was first written the Democrats have totally squandered their supposedly powerful “filibuster proof” majority with the sort of dickering and stalling tactics that have long made them famous. Meanwhile, fueled by the rabid invective of the Tea Party types, the Republicans have managed to stage something of a resurgence.

There is much talk of Obama’s supposed socialist leanings, always seeming to forget that the bailout he is constantly blamed for was a largely bipartisan plan that was launched at the time to universal agreement as to the need for it.

Meanwhile, there is much speculation about the Republicans sweeping back into power. You can sense them drooling on themselves at the prospect of Obama being a one term President. I wouldn’t count those chickens before they hatch though. So far the supposedly resurgent Republican party looks a whole lot like a leaderless mess. The Tea Party people can’t agree with each other. The politicians aren’t sure whether to court them or not, and when they do they come off sounding crazed. Sarah Palin has no qualms about seeking favor and money wherever she can find it, but I think her base is more narrow than people realize. Mitt Romney is raising money for another White House run, but other than that what is he doing? Are they keeping him in cryogenic suspension in some bunker in the meanwhile? nobody on the right seems to have any better ideas other than running ever farther too the far right. I doubt that will fly come election time. They’ve been beating the same “God and Country” dead horse for so long that it has started to look like creepy corpse abuse to anybody but the most diehard true believers. They can’t win by appealing to the fringe, and I think mistaking the Tea Party folks for the center will backfire.

Obama’s still a two term president if he plays his cards right in my opinion.

It seemed like they might finally have figured out a general strategy: Lay low, talk deficits, and cry socialism over and over again.

But like a person with a bad case of Tourette’s Syndrome, they went off message this week with a couple of major flubs that won’t help to dispel the increasingly well-earned image of their party as a bunch of racists.

First, GOP “activist” Rusty DePass tried to do a little comedy on his Facebook page when a gorilla was reported escaped from the zoo. “I’m sure it’s just one of Michelle’s ancestors – probably harmless.”

Good one. Talk about your funny stuff. Hard to believe a guy like that has to work for a living doing anything besides side-splitting stand-up.

When called out about the joke he said it was “clearly in jest”… And I’m sure that the guys at the KKK meeting thought it was hilarious.

But Hey, an isolated incident does not a trend make. I’d be out of line crying foul about one single solitary jackass.