Jennifer Carroll is Florida's Lieutenant Governor, second in command to the insane and unpopular Rick Scott. Carroll is one of the few nationally prominent black female Republicans. (She is also insane, but that's a topic for another day.) A former aide to Carroll says that she walked in on her in a sexually compromising position with Beatriz Ramos, Carroll's travel aide. So then—where is Beatriz Ramos?

Here is a good rundown of this convoluted and completely bananas sex scandal, which has been making headlines in Florida since last week. The short version: Carletha Cole, a former aide to Carroll, was fired last year, and later arrested after leaking (allegedly illegal) recordings to the press that were damaging to Carroll. Cole says that she was railroaded after she walked into Carroll's office one day and saw Carroll being orally serviced by Beatriz Ramos, her travel aide. From a polygraph examiner's letter obtained by Mother Jones [sic'd]:

(Cole) walked into the Lt. Governors Jennifer Carroll's office and observed the Lt. Governor sitting at her desk with her foot up on the cadenza and her skirt hiked up. Beatrice Ramos was kneeling in front of Carroll, poised as if she (Ramos) was about to or had performed oral sex on the Lt. Governor.

Carroll gave a typically insane statement denying that she was a lesbian. Money quote: "I'm the one that's married for 29 years. The accuser is the one that's single for a long time. So. Usually black women that look like me don't engage in relationships like that. *Cackling laughter*" Yes, she is insane. There's also a whole side scandal about Beatriz Ramos trying to set Cole's trash can on fire, which could have burned down the Florida State Capitol. And a subsequent scandalous squelching of a state investigation of that incident. We are not making any of this up. Just normal Florida news.

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The question that is very pertinent right this moment is: where oh where is Beatriz Ramos? The average American, whether Democrat or Republican, immediately searches for a picture of the oral sex-giver when a lesbian political scandal of this nature comes up. But as far as we can tell, there are no online photos to be found of Beatriz Ramos. Quite a tragedy. Ramos has also been staying quiet since this scandal broke. She's not peddling a tell-all. She's not posing for Playboy. What's going on down there? Granted, it's only been a few days. Still. This is America. More than that—this is Florida. All most come out.

If you know anything about Beatriz Ramos, email us. Together, we will get deep, deep inside this mystery.