Welcome back to Fall to Equestria, ruining awesome characters since late 2012.

Last time our plucky protagonist Loser Martin was captured by the Changelings, promptly escaped through a method so stupid and thermodynamically dubious that I refuse to even recap it, and then immediately turned himself in again. This led to fortunately unconsummated sexytimes with Queen Chrysalis, who apparently was not evil at all and just misunderstood (needing a whole three sentences from the Stu to devolve into a sobbing wreck). Then Princess Celestia showed up and did the first sensible thing in the ‘fic, namely magic-blasting Loser Martin to within an inch of his life while trying to shoot the Queen.

With his miraculous Stu powers he somehow survived the blast. Well, he’s bleeding out, but considering that that Celestia was trying to kill Chrysalis and we’ve seen her literally blast enemies apart, Loser should be chunky salsa by now.

This is the part where the ‘fic goes completely off the rails and dives straight into hardcore pony sex. It is definitely no longer suitable for work, school, family, or the faint of heart.

Good luck.

Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back to Fall to Equestria!

Last time Loser Martin fucked around at the Bridle Gossip Ponyville Day Spa for another whole chapter giving a ‘massage’ to the proprietresses, then was a dick to Princess Celestia and her guards as part of the process of turning the Princess into a stern, emotionless tyrant. Because that’s never been done before.

Lets see how bad this’ll be this time.

Bad Touch Counter: 34

Chapter Ten is called ‘A pleasant massage’- gosh, I wonder what this could involve??

Last time on Fall to Equestria, Twilight sprouted labia, used the narrator… protagonist… thing… as a sex aid, and Celestia stepped on Luna’s turf by invading his dreams. Then he traded a few more sexual favours for a job at the Ponyville Day Spa, which he keeps calling the Bridle Gossip for some asinine reason. We left as one of the Spa Sisters was just about to collect on her end of the deal.

The following chapters mention the private parts of ponies. That is all.

Hello hello all you patrons!

Howdy.

Last time on Fall to Equestria, our wonderful protagonist Loser Martin attended a welcome-to-Equestria party held in his honor by Pinkie Pie. There he encountered Lyra Heartstrings and wasted no time in… jerking her off in public, getting a face full of magical horn ejaculate (!) for his trouble. After making out with Pinkie Pie (thereby getting himself covered in saliva and unijizz) and being felt up by a bunch of other random ponies-

-and losing his dickshirt in the process-

-he made the entirely sensible decision to leave that cauldron of insanity only to encounter the one and only Princess Luna.

Sadly, that does not mean the entire ‘fic up to this point has been a nightmare.

Lest she’d banish it from existence.

Bad touch counter: 16

We resume with a whole lot of nothing in Chapter Seven, ‘The midnight walk’.

After faffing around for close to five thousand words, this chapter of the so-called “Sex” ‘fic does indeed contain a money shot. Featuring technicolor horses. You have been warned.

Hello hello, all you patrons!

I’m back with some more of Fall to Equestria, the story of Loser Martin’s quest to inappropriately touch the entire primary cast of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Last time, they had a meet-and-greet about human culture at the Golden Oaks library where it was revealed that six capable and intelligent mares had no idea what the word ‘omnivore’ means, the main character traded in his tragic past for a dickshirt, and Rarity got off.

While Spike watched in envy.

Which, alarmingly, was the most in-character thing to have happened.

It makes just as much sense in context.

Bad Touch Counter: 8

All of that, of course, brings us to Chapters Five and Six, “the party” parts one and two.

Welcome back once again to Fall to Equestria. Last time we were introduced to Loser Martin, a bog-standard Sensitive Stu who was promptly shitted into Equestira, mauled to within an inch of his life by a ‘manticor’, and nursed back to health by Fluttershy and Twilight. As we left off, he was being introduced to the entirety of the Mane Six, and was getting right down to business in the form of setting the Bad Touch Counter to a very respectable 6.

Chapter Three is entitled ‘story time part 1’, which has me worried the ‘fic is going to start recursing.