Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Logline Critique Round #23

TITLE: June Plumay, Teenage Curse InspectorGENRE: YA Urban Fantasy

June Plumay knows her way around a stink-eye, but wearing the badge of a Teenage Curse Inspector does not help her with zits, or boys, or trigonometry. Tragically, she has to hide her blessingways from her new family that she was plopped into after her pops got vivisected by a demented curse-worker. Then, she discovers her pops might not be all-the-way-dead. How far would June go to have her father back?

8 comments:

I love that I get a feel for your fun, vivid voice just by reading this. I enjoy the language specific to your world, and the story definitely hooked me. I know questions in a logline are supposed to be a no-no, but I liked the rest of this so much that it didn't bother me very much. Nicely done!

I like the voice in this, I even like that last question although everyone says they're forbidden in loglines. Perhaps shorten the sentence on her new family and tell us more about the obstacles she has to face in order to get her father back.

Love the first line and I'd love to see how you can develop the next two to clarify what's going on (there are a lot of story-specific terms I don't understand) while keeping the fun tone you have going. good luck!

Is Teenage Curse Inspector referring to a black eye, a zit or something else? Does she get the 'stink-eye' (love that phrase) from her classmates, and if so, why? She's in foster care? What is a 'blessingway?' Your log-line has great voice, BTW!