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Causing a dating dust bowl during Valentine’s Day sucks more than being single and alone. Just ask Awkward.‘s Jenna, who is being blamed for the student body’s Great Repression, an outcome of the #DudeDatabase that she and Tamara created. Unfortunately for Jenna, T refuses to take any responsibility for the viral website.

Instead of being angry with T, like any normal person would be, Jenna decides to make a big gesture to make up for all the repression she’s caused. She orders a party bus for the upcoming Valentine’s Day dance, knowing that there is something weirdly stimulating about drinking and bus travel.

Val isn’t feeling too repressed and is appropriately excited for Valentine’s Day, now that’s she’s with Will (who was once be her stalker). Sadly, Will is oblivious when Val starts dropping big hints about V-Day.

The night of the Valentine’s Day dance has arrived. T brings the booze, and the group awaits the arrival of the bus. Sadie is pissed, since Sergio ditched her to work, and Jenna’s mood plummets when she sees Matty arrive with Gabby.

The bus arrives, only it’s more of a “stripper’s meth lab” than a cool party bus. Jenna tries to make the best of it, taking a twirl on the stripper pole, which breaks. To make matters worse, the dilapidated bus’ driver has a no-drinking policy, so with cups of warm water in hand, the group plays Never Have I Ever. The game starts off with jokes about the horrible party bus and gets a bit more aggressive when Jenna puts Matty on the spot by saying, “Never have I ever taken someone’s virginity.” It makes Gabby uncomfortable, and it doesn’t help when Jenna loudly announces later that she found Matty’s hotel key.

Lissa is still in the middle of her faith crisis. We learn that her stepbrother/boyfriend, Tyler, was sent away to live with another family, and her father is away on a gay retreat. Her essay “God Is Totally Dead, You Guys,” even caught Val’s attention. After accidentally popping a molly, high Lissa is convinced by Theo and Cole that (1) God exists and (2) she loves Sadie. Now, Lissa loves her as a friend, but since she’s not quite herself, she decides to do something about it.

Ally and Jenna’s mom stop by school to see Val, who is bummed about her nonromantic V-Day plans. Nothing like some boozy boobs courtesy of Ally to lift one’s spirits.

The dance starts off as a bust, with the girls and boys on opposite sides of the dance floor. Feelings are still sore, and Jenna is dealing with their scorn like a champ. It’s so annoying that Tamara refuses to take on any of the blame. Frustrated, Jenna takes the stage and awkwardly tries to convince everyone to move on. It’s cringe-worthy, and finally T feels badly enough that she does the right thing. She joins Jenna on stage, admits that she’s also at fault for the website, and tells everyone to get over themselves. But it isn’t until Lissa crosses the floor and macks on Sadie that the tension finally breaks.

Everything almost seems back to normal. Jake and Tamara find themselves hooking up, but this time it’s more of a friendly, casual thing. The never-ending tension between Matty and Jenna is staying alive. He confronts her about calling him out on the virgin thing, even asking Jenna whose V-card she took. Is he a bit jealous? He’s definitely upset that Gabby left the dance angry with him.

Val, trying to break up the newly unrepressed couples on the dance floor, notices that Ally is smoking and positions her right under a fire detector. Val then tries to bond with lonely Sadie, just as Sergio walks in and apologizes for ditching her for work. Sadie is ecstatic. Bummed, Val is completely hopeless, until Will surprises her with flowers, saying, “I’ve been stalking her your ass all night.” How romantic?

It’s the perfect moment for Ally’s cigarette smoke to set off the sprinklers, literally ending the sexual drought.

At school, people are treating Jenna normally, just as she had hoped for. T asks about Jake and is cool about their one-time thing. Jenna is afraid to talk to Matty but speaks to him anyway. He brushes off her apology, saying her bus stripper-pole twirl makes up for it. He also tells Jenna that Gabby wants to take things slow. Why? Because she’s a virgin. Plainly, he tells Jenna that some things are worth waiting for. It’s a big blow, because it makes it sound like that wasn’t the case with Jenna. Ouch.

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons