This my story of being an American in Montana and my pursuit of Muscles, Wisdom and other random shit along the way.

Are You Tired Of Dating?…Want More Alone Time?….Then I Have The Solution For You!

So are you one of those rare people that just can’t seem to catch a break, you are constantly being asked out on dates, and you have had countless rapturous romances with untold numbers of Hotties of the opposite or same sex…Hey, whatever floats your boat Captain!

But now you find yourself really needing to take some time for you, but you just can’t bring yourself to say “No” well fear not my friend, I have the solution for you and NO it doesn’t require you to hack off your genitalia to become a Eunuch like some other dating sites suggest.

Just follow my advice and you will be dateless in no-time, once word gets around you won’t have to worry about those pesky Hotties bothering you anymore and you will finally be able to catch up on your favorite Netflix series like the rest of us who never seem to get asked out, but for normal reasons like we are ugly or pathetic looking. And the best part of this whole thing is the advice is absolutely free. I have come up with some fantastically inappropriate things for you to say on your first date which will most likely be your last.

“Don’t worry Babe that pill I put in your drink is sugar free”

“Weird my Dad has that same dress”

“Quick, act like you just sat down at the wrong table, here comes my wife”

“My mom can’t wait to meet you”

“Wait, you’re paying for this right?”

“I’m so glad I finally met someone else who doesn’t care about their looks”

“So…Do you charge by the hour?”

“My mom has that same outfit, she looks Hot in it as well”

“Just so you know I invited my wife to join us”

“My therapist will be so happy to hear that I was able to get aroused with a woman for once”

“You’re a twin?…Any chance the other one will join us?”

“Could you please pass me the butter… butterface”

“Sorry I’m late, but you know how hard it can be to sneak out of the house sometimes right?”

“OMG, are you a dude?”

“Remember when I brought up that story of conjoined twins?…please don’t scream when I take this off”

“I really don’t know what my Mom was talking about, I’ve seen plenty of people uglier than you”

“Well of course I live with my parents”

“The camera? Well…I just need proof that I went out with you so I can collect on my bet”

“Don’t tell me you are one of those pansies that are allergic to latex?”

“You look adorable, you remind me of my cat when she eats”

“Your sister really did kiss better than you”

“You know I dated your Mom last month, right?”

“My Mom said if I bring any more filthy whores home again, she would kill them. Can we go to your place?”

“Are you a Feminist? Cause you look like a Feminist!”

“I’m so glad you came over, my parents were really on my ass about finding a sacrifice by Halloween”

“Can you go get the dessert menu, I have an erection”

“Your brother kisses better than you”

“My sister kisses better than you”

“But I promised my friends they could watch”

“I really wish I was as pretty as you back when I was a woman, my life would have been so much easier”

“Silence of the Lambs is my favorite movie, I love acting the scenes out”

“I’m just on this date to prove to myself I really am gay”

“If things don’t work out between us, maybe I could introduce you to my Dad”

“Do you mind if we make a sextape?”

“Do you even lift? No?…Check please!”

“Just in case things go bad tonight, what’s your blood type?”

“This is the restaurant where I met my wife, last week”

“Do you believe in the Devil too?”

“I think you will make a great Step-Dad to my kids, they are waiting in the car to meet you”

“You really look like you might have an STD….Are you sure?”

“My last two husbands died, well I mean they are missing, anyways let’s go to my place”