A list of God’s least favorite things

Posts Tagged ‘911’

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

In this entry I, The Almighty Lord, declare My Righteous Anger with a very large group of human idiots – the 9/11* conspiracy theorists.

Do you know who I’m talking about? These are the scummy people who always try to convince you that the U.S. government or terrorists were the ones responsible for 9/11.

Their preposterous theories include such notions as:

The World Trade Center Buildings were wired with explosives.

United 93 was shot down by the military.

Muslim terrorists hijacked airplanes and flew them into the buildings.

Isn’t it amazing what some people will believe? Completely ludicrous! There is no conspiracy. Everyone with half-a-brain knows it was ME!

Well, they should know anyway. They’ve all been told, over and over again, by the news media (or their sweaty pothead friend) that it was either Osama bin Laden or George W. Bush who did it.

Nope! Sorry! Neither one of those stupid spoiled brats had anything to do with it. I and I alone, The Sovereign Lord God Almighty, was responsible for every phase of the operation – the planning, the flying, the blowing shit up – that was all Me! And quite frankly, I’m sick of other people getting all the credit for My Awesome Works.

I mean, what the hell do I have to do? I even posed in the smoke for you people and what do you do? You give the credit to Satanus. GRRGGH!

It’s like people these days don’t even believe that I’m capable of hate, anger or seriously smiting some shit. But I don’t give a flying fuck. I smote America on 9/11 ’cause I was bored and looking for some fun.

Believe Me human, I am no lovey-dovey-hippie-wuss. I’ll destroy this entire planet again and start over from scratch if I feel like it. Just say the word!

*The phrase 9/11 refers to a series of super-incredible smitings that took place on September 11, 2001.