Friday, 20 November 2015

Guide to medical specialists

As a diabetic, perhaps with several associated medical or surgical conditions, you will no doubt come into contact with many different specialists. Here is my guide to them

ENDOCRINOLOGISTS
These doctors think they are the duck's nuts because some of their patients do so well. What they don't realize is that all of their successful patients lie to them (and their dieticians) about what they eat, how they manage their insulin and testing, and other aspects of diabetes control. Their success is entirely due to the fact that many patients ignore what they say.

ANESTHESIOLOGISTS
50 of them on the public payroll where I live, on contracts that include involvement in research, yet not a single piece of output worth presenting in a two year period. Truly the bottom of the heap academically.

PATHOLOGISTS
You have heard of futile surgery and ICU admissions for patients with no hope of survival, and the mind- and budget-blowing costs associated with this practice.. Yet when one of these people inevitably dies, wasting an extra $A100,000 on an inquest is a decision made by a pathologist. Is it really worth spending that much extra money after someone with a logistic Euroscore of more than 80 dies? And that decision is made by someone with no tertiary education in maths. Go figure.

PSYCHIATRISTS
Look up the role of psychiatrists in suppressing scientific dissent, and their involvement in silencing whistle-blowers by questioning their mental fitness. It is all true. Surely the lowest ethically. Almost as bad as lawyers.

RADIOLOGISTS
At the first house auction I went to, I had no hope of competing against bids put in by a radiologist, who then put a big extension on the already huge house. Radiologists obviously get paid way too much.

SURGEONS
When I had a large malignant tumour in my abdomen in my early 20s, surgery cured me.
When subluxing peroneal tendons prevented me from running, surgery cured me.
When I couldn't climb because of a fractured glenoid and ruptured long head of biceps, surgery cured me. Look at the video.
When I was completely disabled by chronic back pain, the GP, physician and physio all told me to take vast amounts of potent drugs and do physio. After surgery, I needed only paracetamol for a few days, and in the 10 years since then, haven't taken a single pill for back pain.

Yes, I am a walking (and skiing, climbing and skating) advertisement for the marvel of modern surgery.