Murray’s Sworn Statement: I distinctly remember a moment in the sixth grade when a female peer of mine was unhappy about what some other girls had said about her rumored bad habit of dropping f-bombs. “I don’t f$#@cking swear!” She yelled across the cafeteria. Well, technically she did swear, but was that really the point. Andy Murray took to the sporting equivalent of a middle school lunch bench — the media — over the weekend to announce that his grown-up potty mouth would be going down the toilet in 2013. Yep, that’s right. Murray’s sworn off swearing. “Obviously, me saying s(expletive) or whatever is bad and wrong, and it's something I want to try to stop doing,” he told the Daily Record. But there are worst offenders out there, right Andy? “It isn't as bad as some of the stuff the foreign players come out with. I wouldn't want to name any names, but some of what they say is ghastly. It's just that all of the umpires speak English.” Can’t we all agree on this: Any modern player whose personal dictionary includes “ghastly” and “jelly” doesn’t really have a language problem. Am I right?

The One About Djokovic and the Donkey: As you read on Second Serve, the bit about Novak Djokovic buying the world’s stock of donkey cheese is… well, true. Why the cheese rush, you wonder? Well it’s to supply Djokovic’s forthcoming chain of restaurants that he’s working on across suburban Serbia. So if you’re hankering for some donkey cheese on a hamburger or a slice of toast, it’s not the culinary capitals of the world like New York or Paris you should be booking a flight to, it’s the quiet streets of Pancevo, Novi Sad, or Nis. Num num.

Caro’s Calculated Risk: Think what you want about Caroline Wozniacki’s imitation of Serena Williams over the weekend on the Federer Gillette tour, but the instance is grabbing lots of attention across the globe. Australia’s Sunrise program (think Good Morning, America) debated its racial overtones, as did the women of The View. But really, let’s be frank: This was a joke. She’s getting a laugh (well, trying to) from the crowd by likening herself to Serena, who has joked about her “big butt problems” before. The fact is, Serena is shaped different not because she’s black, but because she’s her own person. Venus isn’t shaped that way. Nor is Sloane Stephens. Let’s not make an issue out of a non-issue.

Bernie’s Bad Turn: Some 11 months ago Bernard Tomic was seemingly the toast of Australian tennis following his fourth-round run at the Australian Open in which he beat three higher-ranked players before falling to the almighty Roger Federer. This year, things are quite different for the 20 year old, who had a pity of a 2012 season, ran into trouble with the police and recently was knocked off theDavis Cup team for a February tie. Peter Bodowrites in a column that one of tennis’ last prodigies has to be careful that he doesn’t finish as just that, a “Remember who I once was?” kind of guy. But here’s a simple solution, Bernie: put up the results. Let your tennis do the talking. Because if sport loves anything, it’s a solid, winning person/team to cheer for.

A Royal Affair: Prince William rubbing elbows with tennis’ (older) elite and ribbingTim Henman about his drinking? We love. Tis the season! Regarding Henman’s win over Goran Ivanisevic at Royal Albert Hall, William had this to say at the dinner: “Good to see all those vodka shots at dinner didn’t hold you back, Tim.” Touché, your royalness.

Itty bits:ESPN is counting down their 100 favorite moments from the 2012 season. Our favorite between Nos. 100 and 90? No. 98: Victoria Azarenka coming back from a set and 4-0 down at the French Open in the first round. Did you remember that? Neither did we. | Lukas Rosol? “There is no point in comparison,” Rafael Nadalsaid of his loss to the Czech earlier this year at Wimbledon when asked which was bigger, that defeat or his shocking 2009 downing by Robin Soderling at the French Open, his only loss in Paris… ever. Thanks for setting the records straight, Rafa. | Flavia Pennetta and Svetlana Kuznetsova, 2013 doubles partners. Loves! | The Tennis Integrity Unit, formed by the ATP, WTA and ITF to oversee legal issues (sparked by the player gambling scandal) has a new chief in Nigel Willerton. The former policemen is set to start Jan. 1. | Jimmy Connors has a new rep team in the Hollywood-based APA. Connors’ memoir, The Outsider, is due out May 14. Connors’ brand, it’s said, will look to expand over publishing, broadcasting and endorsement platforms. In other words: they want to make him more famous! | Kudos to the Brisbane International, which grabbed the Queensland (state) honor for best sporting event. | Henman on Murray: I see things only getting better. PS: That’s not verbatim. | Rory McIlroy on what his relationship with Caro did for him on the course: “Seeing how hard she works and how hard she practices and how dedicated she is, it definitely flipped a switch with me that I could be a little more like that. She’s definitely been a great influence on me. I’ve always felt like I’ve been dedicated to the game and I’ve practiced hard and I’ve worked at it.” So, Rory, have you seen what’s happened to Caro’s ranking since the two of you started dated? Right, OK. | Sania Mirza is helping her sister open a coffee shop in Hyderabad. Cue the coffee-meets-tennis “service” names. | Want to know how to retire the right way? Mats Wilander has answers for you.