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Thursday, July 29, 2010

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that you turned in some important paperwork to your boss or teacher, and on that paperwork you had doodled pictures of yourself wearing either a halo or devil horns, and a clown floating in the clouds above you, looking on.

Do you suppose your boss/teacher might then call you in for a little chat? You know, just to see how the ol' home life was going? Maybe see if you needed anything, support and/or prescription-wise?

Because, as you may have guessed, this really isn't a purely hypothetical question.

I don't know what's going on here, but I fear for the dog's future.

In fact, from the looks of things I'd say a few of these wreckerators are one more "That's Karl with a Q" away from a destructive binge that ends with them pole-vaulting the counter and riding the floor waxer out in a blaze of glory.

"Go ahead, punk. Tell me you want sprinkles again."

So here's an idea, bakeries: Why not hire a psychologist to come in every now and then, you know, just to browse through the cakes? That way, when something like this pops up:

He or she will know it's time to schedule another stress seminar.

Or even to stage some kind of intervention:

"I don't get it; all I asked for was a birthday cake!"

Or - and I'm just spit-balling here - maybe to alert the proper authorities:

So, I have to ask. Is "Karl with a Q" a thing? Is it from a show or movie or something? Because when I was in high school, I met a kid through a friend who was very very odd, but also introduced himself as "Karl with a Q." It was extra creepy to see that exact phrase with all these creepy cakes.

As for riding the floor waxer out in a blaze of glory, I feel that everyone should know this about rotos: if you stand on it, you will go around in circles without moving forward or backward. Very, very quickly. Also, it feels like standing on a jackhammer.

Which is not to say it wouldn't be glorious. Nothing like suicide by Shaken Grownup Syndrome.

Oh my I laughted. So bad but so funny. Golly people get paid to do such awful work. I guess store policy is nothing gets throw out till after its expire date, no matter what it looks like. Thanks to Cake Wreaks for being here to make our day.

The other day I was looking through the cake book at my local supermarket bakery (they've always turned out great for me!), and I saw what the elephant-in-the-tar-pit cake is supposed to look like. Anyway, the name of the cake is "Jungle Buddies"!

So I was sitting here twisting my head all around, trying to see that last cake from different angles, hoping that I could see SOMETHING in it. Nope, not getting anything. Guess you must be right and it's just an oily blob. Nasty.

For my 16th birthday, I requested a graveyard cake complete with gravestones. My mom had to explain to the bakery 3 times that I did indeed want a graveyard for my 16th birthday cake. We were going for a creepy theme since my 16th Birthday was on Friday the 13th that year. I do give the bakery credit and have to say that the cake they made me looked a whole lot better than the cake posted here. And they managed to spell my name correctly!

Oh my gosh! That actually happened to me! I doodled pictures of angel and demon chibi cats, and one non-chibi, snarling, Sauron-eyed, demon cat captioned "Demon kitty wants your soul and your cookies" on a worksheet before I knew it would be turned in and I got sent to the councilor over it. I get that they're concerned, but they'll pull me out of class to talk about a doodle of a kitten with horns, but they never do a thing about the constant bullying. Schools need to get their priorities straight.

Clowns is scary. Nuff said. That graveyard is totally creepy and proof that some death-obsessed goth wannabe snuck into the bakery that night. The face doesn't look so bad if you turn your head and pretend it's two tadpoles swimming away from...nope, got nothin', sorry.As for that last cake, I actually DID see the witch right away, but the blob was so much funnier! KEEP 'EM COMIN' JEN!

i especially liked the join me one! if you look closely at the oily blob you vaguely see that it is actually a hobbit with a cloak riding an oversized lollipop. DUH! and also i can't believe you didn't recognize a super clown comic when you saw one! the clown is rescuing the devil and angel from a colorless world! SO OBVIOUS! yes im being sarcastic.

The first cake is terrifying, woah! If I ever saw that in a bakery I'd be seriously concerned about my future. Maybe I watch too many horror movies. It really did take me a minute to recognize the last one as a witch too, and I'm trying to figure out why a smiley face cake would drip like that. I can't come up with any reason. The drips aren't even all going the same way. So creepy.

Awesome round of cakes lol. I can so see the witch flying in front of the moon on the last one. I think it would have been better if they had done a better job on the broom, it looks more like a microphone. It kind of reminds me of what a witch cookie would end up looking like after baking it. Maybe that's what they used for their reference? I'm thinking that first one had to be bring your kid to work day or something. The smiley face...looks familiar, like I've seen that image before that wasn't cake. Like it's some grunge patch or poster. I can't imagine making that to put on the shelf though.

You see...management DID hire a psychologist to observe the wreckerators in the bakery department. The psychologist "ink-blotted" the cake to see what the wreckerator's reaction would be...

...and...Voila!...clearly, CLEARLY, some wreckerator has "issues" with management! But now the pschologist knows where to start during the up-coming scheduled therapy sessions, sensitivity training and team-building workshops!

I had such a terrible day -- flat on in the Interstate in a tire I bought 5 weeks ago & missed lunch with a friend. Then drove 40 minutes through traffic from hell so we could get my son's sports physical notarized, only to discover that the notary left early and we couldn't get to her office because the floor was being waxed. Then was treated like a stupid bimbo by a "customer service" rep on the phone. This, however, has me HOWLING with laughter. Thanks for ending my bad day!

I think the "smiley face" cake was a sad, pathetic, ill-starred attempt at the iconic image from "The Watchmen"...

And also, don't worry about the pooch on that first cake. She clearly is not a dog at all, but rather the she-wolf who nursed Romulus and Remus. As such, she is a bad-ass, and can surely take any frickin' clown, even if they DO "all float down here".

In that first picture it looks like part of the sky is falling on the kid and that clown is about to flatten the dog lol. What are they trying to say? The only time I see happy faces with bleeding eyes is in a horror movie. I know I sure wouldn't want these wreckerators around my house come Halloween lol.

I tried, but I just cannot see a witch in that oil slick. All I could think is that the cake must have been commissioned by BP as some sort of bizarre recruitment tool to get more attractive people to clean up the Gulf.

While these cakes are disturbing, if not satanically created, there is only one I'd let slip and that is the cemetary. Some people enjoy rubbing the fact their friends are no longer in their prime with some deathday cake. However, it still looks somewhat odd in both shape and structure.

"Karl with a Q"? How about "Kevin -- that's K-V-E-I-N." Karl with a K always makes me think of Sling Blade. "That'll work, I reckon."

Riding the floor waxer (some are fairly large and intended to be ridden) for some reason made me think of that Robin Williams movie -- the one where he plays the one-hour photo guy.

The first (appropriately-priced) wreck reminds me of a drawing made by the little girl in 'The Amityville Horror'. That doesn't explain the clown, but then, what does. Maybe 'Jodie' knows what it means -- that's a bakery I want to stay far away from.

#2 A langolier, perhaps? Or maybe the first-ever depiction in frosting of a gnole (from 'The Man Who Sold Rope to The Gnoles').

#5 Clearly Oz. Ok, 'clearly' isn't the best choice of words; the quote should have been, "I'm melting!" (Or in reference to the first wreck, "I'll get you and your little dog, too!")

I had to look really, really hard to see the witch in the last cake ... because the first thing I saw in that particular Roarsch-test blob was a squirrel -- a squirrel who was VERY happy to see me, if you get my drift. And once that had been seen, it wasn't getting un-seen. I think I'm going to have nightmares about blobby squirrel sex predators tonight.

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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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