‘Jimmy Darmody’-Type Perpetrates Hipster Heist at Brooklyn Bar

February 16, 2011

Attentione! A Park Slope bar-goer (Park Slope is getting crazy) has stolen the two-foot-tall bust of “José Gregorio,” the dashingly handsome mascot and protector of Barbès, and Olivier Conan, co-owner of the bar, would like his statue back. “We don’t think it’s funny,” he says on their website. Even though it’s so not funny (stealing things from bars is bad, bad, bad, and bad karma, too), it’s kind of funny, especially when you get the whole complicated and mysterious story of this “hipster heist.”

While Mr. Conan prepared, a waitress, Grace Kendall, noticed a young man hovering near the statue, looking “slightly inebriated” but not ordering drinks.

“I was wary of him — something didn’t feel right,” Ms. Kendall wrote in an e-mail, culled from notes she took that night. “But I passed it off as him being already under some influence.”

Thou shalt not let those “feelings” go unattended, Kendall has since learned. For as quick as one could utter the words “José Gregorio,” the suspect, a “hipster-type, early 20s kind of guy,” who looks “exactly like all of our patrons” had made off with the bust, to be ensconced in his hipster lair and possibly never seen again.

Kendall’s description of the dude is just fantastic:

The suspect is a white male in his 20s. He is tall (between 6’1″ and 6’2″) and lean, but slouches a little. He has ash-gray/light blond hair, which was slicked back into a very clean retro-style haircut of the 1920s and ’30s. The hair was cut short on the sides, and the longer hair on the top of his head was combed back, possibly with gel (think Jimmy Darmody of Boardwalk Empire). His face was clean-shaven, and he had a clear complexion. His eyes are a grayish blue with a kind of crystalline quality to them — not a solid color. And he has fuller lips. He was dressed neatly and gave the aesthetic impression of a hipster; he was “put together.”

Julian Assange?

Has anyone seen this handsome, handsome man, or the missing bust? Remember, the best heists involve hiding in plain sight. Which means there’s no finding this dude unless he leaves the borough.