President calls United States: Peoples' Republic of America

Today, president Bush called a press conference to explain his backing of the government's bailout of insurance giant AIG.

"Comrades", the president said in opening up his speech, "today we have added another financial institute to the People's Republic of America. This is another piece of the puzzle that, when complete, will give the wealth back to the people. I realize that many of you are wondering, "If the people are suppose to be owning everything, how come some have so much and the rest of us have nothing?' I can explain that".

"First", the president continued, "ask yourself this: Do you say nukaler or nuclear? If you say the later and not the former than you should not get as much wealth as those of us that say the former. This is due to the fact that only deciding people say nukaler. It is myself, and a nuklarleus group of deciding people who have decided that some of us should get a whole lot more than everyone else. This is the way communism works in a capitalistic society. Some of us have to sacrifice our lives so that others can live in the purity of poverty".

"I just want to reassure everyone that we are not leaving capitalism but merely retooling it to better fit big brother's needs. Remember, big brother is always watching. Now I must go to my peasant golf course and mercilessly slave over a game of golf while the rest of you enjoy all the fruits of a poor life".

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