13/11

Bedside Manner

By Geisha Bar

This week I had the misfortune of being admitted to the ED at a hospital which shall remain unnamed for the purposes of discretion for the person involved in this story. By the way dear friends, there is no need to worry – no harm has come to your Akika (it was just a spot of garden variety gastro)! It highlighted for me the importance of being decent to medical staff – because they have to go through a HELL of a lot of shit.

While waiting in my ED area with the soft curtains billowing gently around my bed, I was nearly asleep thanks to me old mate morphine, when my attention was drawn to a patient who was being wheeled into the spot next to me. Separated by only a curtain, I was obviously able to hear everything, and it quickly became a fascinating tale of bogan woe. We’ll call her Shazza.

Shazza was over on holiday from NZ. Her ED arrival was loudly announced with a very kiwi chorus of yelling and “shut”s being shrieked. Shazza was clearly in a lot of pain, and I craned my neck to hear her story. She had been riding a horse along a rural beach when it threw her off, and she hit the wet sand at a rate of knots. It sounded like she had broken her ribs and back, and the doctor asked if she was a smoker. “Yeah but only 20 a day” came the kiwi rasp. “You’ll have to quit, as it can increase chances of infection” replied the doctor. “Yeah no trouble mate” Shazza confidently told him. As soon as he had left, Shazza said to whoever was with her “as if I’m gonna quit! It’s only 20 a day, it’s not like 2 packs or anything.” She started getting angry. She asked for a phone to make an international cellphone call to call home, and was told that it couldn’t be done in A&E but as soon as she was admitted to the ward shortly, she would be able to. WELL. Shazza was NOT happy about this (thus). “THIS WOULDN’T HAPPEN IN FUCKING NEW ZEALAND, I’m a TOURIST in this country!” Shazza wheezed to the medical staff who were rushing around like headless chooks. “This is the emergency department! If a patient tells you to do something, YOU DO IT!” This continued for roughly four hours before I was mercifully wheeled away.

Guys, be nice to hospital staff. They are doing their best. Don’t be a Shazza.