*My mother complaining about my choice of clothes for holidays. They are clean, neat and modest. Not sure why she thinks I should dress a certain way and/or certain colors.

I don't have many yet, but this!!! In my case, it's my grandmother.

Apparently a long purple skirt and cream/black top with black boots (which I wore last year) isn't "Christmassy enough".

I have actually already been "warned" to dress in some combination of red/green/gold. I was actually intending to wear a red dress, but now I sort of want to make a stand and wear something else!!!

I won't be seeing my biological family this Christmas, but this has been a hill for me for half my life. No matter what I wear, I will not look like a model and I am over 40, so no one will be allowed to tell me not to slouch (which I don't do).

My standard holiday garb involves a long black velvet skirt and various sweaters/tops/jackets. All worn with tasteful and festive accessories.

I just don't see the point in being sneaky about it - as in guarding the food or hiding it. That only makes you stoop to their level. They are being sneaky, waiting till you are preoccupied so you won't see them or stop them. Well, just put an end to all that by making it clear that you know what they are doing and don't want them to do it anymore. This can be done politely but firmly. Calling them on their impolite behavior doesn't make you rude, nor does it require retaliatory clandestine behavior.

This is perfect. Forget my earlier suggestion. Make ONLY that which will provide ONE serving per person. Why spend money and time on preparing more food than you need right then if someone keeps stealing it? However, you still might want to pre-plate so someone doesn't take a much larger portion than someone else.

I just don't see the point in being sneaky about it - as in guarding the food or hiding it. That only makes you stoop to their level. They are being sneaky, waiting till you are preoccupied so you won't see them or stop them. Well, just put an end to all that by making it clear that you know what they are doing and don't want them to do it anymore. This can be done politely but firmly. Calling them on their impolite behavior doesn't make you rude, nor does it require retaliatory clandestine behavior.

You present a good point. However, since these are the OP's ILs, it might cause problems with her DH, especially since he doesn't care what they're doing and won't address it with them.

DH won't address it with them because he doesn't have a problem with it. But Rusty does have a problem with it so it's her option to address it. I don't think there's any rule that says that every time you have a problem with something an in-law does, the blood relative has to address it. In a way, I can understand DH not dealing with it as he doesn't want to get involved with an issue he has no interest in. Only Rusty knows if he's going to get upset with her for bringing it up, but it seems to me that if he has no feeling about it either way, his staying out of it leaves the door open for her to deal with as she sees fit.

For years, I've been made to come to my mother's place 10 minutes from me and help out with dinner for major holidays EARLY. I have grown a spine FINALLY, and told my mother that I have to work till 11 am or 12 pm when I don't so I do not have to be in her service to get stressed out & get a migraine. Better that I lie to save my own sanity. At least by the time I arrive, people are arriving at her and my dad's place so it I can come over without stress, and Thanksgiving went well.

This is not exactly a hill yet, I guess. But, I would like to someday spend Christmas Day with just my parents (only child) at home, and not feel like we have to rush through our own celebration, so we can get ready and drive to relatives two hours away... in the US Midwest in possibly bad weather. From my parents' house in the country on a poorly-plowed road.

I floated this to my mom last year (it's her side of the family) and she said yes, that would be nice, but not until after my grandma died. If plans haven't already been set this year, I might at least suggest having the family gathering on a day other than Christmas Day. There are relatives much closer than us to Grandma who can be with her on Christmas Day, if my mom is worried about her being alone on the actual day.

Hmm, sorry, I hope that doesn't sound callous of me... Considering that this Thanksgiving, Grandma asked me what I was up to in my life, then after about four or five sentences told me it was "boring" and started talking about herself again, I just don't get really excited about visiting her.

This is not exactly a hill yet, I guess. But, I would like to someday spend Christmas Day with just my parents (only child) at home, and not feel like we have to rush through our own celebration, so we can get ready and drive to relatives two hours away... in the US Midwest in possibly bad weather. From my parents' house in the country on a poorly-plowed road.

I floated this to my mom last year (it's her side of the family) and she said yes, that would be nice, but not until after my grandma died. If plans haven't already been set this year, I might at least suggest having the family gathering on a day other than Christmas Day. There are relatives much closer than us to Grandma who can be with her on Christmas Day, if my mom is worried about her being alone on the actual day.

Hmm, sorry, I hope that doesn't sound callous of me... Considering that this Thanksgiving, Grandma asked me what I was up to in my life, then after about four or five sentences told me it was "boring" and started talking about herself again, I just don't get really excited about visiting her.

I wouldn't want to visit her either. I moved halfway across the country from my family, so it is just the in-laws to deal with around the holidays.

This hill I have thought about all day: I don't want to go to the in-laws for Christmas lunch, I would rather they come over to our townhouse and spend a few hours. They never decorate for the holidays or wrap presents, and their house isn't quite finished after 31 years of living in it. We do all of the cooking anyway, and will have wrapped presents for everyone to open. That will also require them to be completely dressed, and I will feel more comfortable (long story).

This is not exactly a hill yet, I guess. But, I would like to someday spend Christmas Day with just my parents (only child) at home, and not feel like we have to rush through our own celebration, so we can get ready and drive to relatives two hours away... in the US Midwest in possibly bad weather. From my parents' house in the country on a poorly-plowed road.

I floated this to my mom last year (it's her side of the family) and she said yes, that would be nice, but not until after my grandma died. If plans haven't already been set this year, I might at least suggest having the family gathering on a day other than Christmas Day. There are relatives much closer than us to Grandma who can be with her on Christmas Day, if my mom is worried about her being alone on the actual day.

Hmm, sorry, I hope that doesn't sound callous of me... Considering that this Thanksgiving, Grandma asked me what I was up to in my life, then after about four or five sentences told me it was "boring" and started talking about herself again, I just don't get really excited about visiting her.

I feel your pain. This is the first year I get to spend Christmas Day at home instead of in the car, and I'm SO excited. Maybe bring up the idea earlier next year, before plans are set, and see what people think. I was amazed at how well it went over with my family when I finally brought it up.

How do you cope with in-laws, BIL and SIL who, after spending Xmas Lunch and eating very well, decide to help themselves to the leftovers to take home. They come armed with tupperware containers specifically for this purpose. It took me a few years to realise where the food was disappearing to as they always were very helpful about clearing food and bowls and plates back to the kitchen and then waiting till I was preoccupied. They do bring a couple of side dishes but always take the more expensive offerings. Last year I actually caught them cutting up the remains of the turkey and stuffing it in the containers, and then the penny dropped and I realised why I never seemed to have leftovers. Its not like they are poor or anything so I was a bit astounded. My mother made a lovely Xmas cake and there was over half left and that disappeared too. They have never hosted a Xmas Day event in over 20 years as SIL says their house is too small. They don't come to us every year, sometimes her sister is blessed with their company and their two teenagers. As its DH's brother I told him he should say something, but he doesn't think its important enough to worry about. I think its just plain rude.

Tell your husband he has 2 choices1. Tell his brother they can't take left overs and then makes sure they don't the day of.2. His brother's family is banned from your Christmas Lunch.

I wouldn't want to visit her either. I moved halfway across the country from my family, so it is just the in-laws to deal with around the holidays.

This hill I have thought about all day: I don't want to go to the in-laws for Christmas lunch, I would rather they come over to our townhouse and spend a few hours. They never decorate for the holidays or wrap presents, and their house isn't quite finished after 31 years of living in it. We do all of the cooking anyway, and will have wrapped presents for everyone to open. That will also require them to be completely dressed, and I will feel more comfortable (long story).

And wondering what the local salon would think if you brought in your duck for an appointment.....

Snarky and Evil are both howling with laughter at the Nantucket limerick.

Actually, one of the recommended ways to pluck a duck (or goose, for that matter) is to dip it in hot wax. We haven't tried it, though, seems a bit messy. Singing the down off over a gas flame works pretty well, but we've just got rid of our old gas hob...

I *loved* the Nantucket limerick!

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When you look into the photocopier, the photocopier also looks into you

I wouldn't want to visit her either. I moved halfway across the country from my family, so it is just the in-laws to deal with around the holidays.

This hill I have thought about all day: I don't want to go to the in-laws for Christmas lunch, I would rather they come over to our townhouse and spend a few hours. They never decorate for the holidays or wrap presents, and their house isn't quite finished after 31 years of living in it. We do all of the cooking anyway, and will have wrapped presents for everyone to open. That will also require them to be completely dressed, and I will feel more comfortable (long story).

I have time!!

I don't think I could move away from the computer right now if I wanted to.