Saturday, June 28, 2008

Mama Medicine

My hand combing though Lauren's hair at the graveside.

Right now it is not quite 8 am on a Saturday morning. I woke up to the sounds of Sabrina throwing up. Normally I would have been way devastated by such a noise. I know that usually when I hear throwing up sounds, I need to clear my schedule and plan on tending to the sick one while juggling the others and keeping them separated for a day or so till they feel all better. Today none of the dread that usually accompanies the stomach flu came to me. Isn't that strange.

Right now Sabrina is asleep next to me in my bed. She has thrown up pretty much every 30 minutes for about 2 hours now, but it is basically just dry heaving at this point. She has slept in between. She is a good patient and doesn't get too upset about throwing up. (Not like Ann who screams in anger that she can't control her body while flailing her head in all directions.) Maybe the lack of dread is because it is Sabrina and not Ann who is sick. But it could be contagious and they all could get it. So the dread should still be there. But it isn't.

Maybe it is not there because my perspective has changed and suddenly having a kid who is sick and will get better seems like a pretty good thing. Maybe the dread is not there because for the first time in 2 weeks I am really needed and I can help. There was not much I could do for Camille, try as I did. There are few things in my life as a stay at home mother that others cannot do for me. And so many have lovingly helped to do those mundane jobs of the housewife.

But throwing up kids -- well that is one you don't let other people do unless you are physically totally unable. First off, you don't want anyone else to get it, especially other people's kids. And more importantly, kids need their mom when they are sick.

There is a medicine just in the presence of your mother. I know, I have had a few doses of that myself recently. Something about having your mom around just makes you feel better. She doesn't have to even do anything special. Just having her near, with her hand on you somewhere, helps. Thank heaven for mama medicine. I am glad to be a provider of it today.

31 comments:

I haven't read your posts for a couple of days and thought I'd check in. I thought of you and your family yesterday (Friday) knowing it had been only 2 weeks since the accident. You were and are in my prayers. Thank you for reminding us all about the importance of the little things. I have found myself, even, being a little more patient with my children...Taking more time with them; enjoying them. Thank you for your example. You're girls are lucky to have you as their "mommy".

we woke to the same thing this morning....and I was so looking forward to seeing you today! Lets hope we are both in for just the 24 hour bug and not a longer sickness. There is nothing like a mothers touch to help ease our burdens.

I came to browse some blogs while my baby is napping. I should be cleaning, but I'm not that productive sometimes. I stumbled on your blog through a friend of a friend. I often get lost in other people's stories and designs.

I've had struggles being a first time mother, and sometimes the screaming,crying, and sleep deprivation is more than I can handle I think. After reading most of your blog I ache for your loss. When my child is screaming and crying, I will be thankful she is here and I will say a prayer for you and your family. I am sorry for your loss.

I remember the first time I was sick after I left home for college. I cried on my bed wishing I was on my mom's bed because that is where I would always go when I was sick.Your girls are lucky to have a loving mom like you.

I haven't been blessed by my mom's touch for over 20yrs, but have welcomed the mothering of many amazing women in my life. You are now one of them. I have learned so much from your quiet wisdom and neverfailing Faith these past two weeks, thank you. I hope you little one feels better soon-sending good thoughts and prayers!

You and your family are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I felt impressed to suggest something that your story has prompted me to do: memorize The Proclamation to The World. A friend challenged me to do a month ago and it wasn't until I read your story that I've decided to do it. It has given me peace and a growing testimony of what you already know. Thank you again.

I'm almost 37 and still have my mama moments - not that my mom always comes to my aid(My mom lives in Canada)but I still have them. It's kin of humbling the simple "power"/influence we as mother's have. Hoping that bug, whatever it is, can't survive long in this Nevada heat and no one else gets it... Keep smiling and hope you have a better day than yesterday.

it IS amazing how everything seems so much better when your mom is there to fix it...and I know that your little girlies have been strengthened so much by your strong example through this whole awful ordeal!

Hey Steph!Sabrina is so lucky to be sleeping in bed next to you as you take care of her. As I read your post, I started to miss my mom...She passed away a few years ago. There have been so many times when I have wished for my mom's arms around me or her help. I have been so blessed though with amazing women in my life to help me through those moments. I am sure that mama medicine will help her more than anything else would.Love you tons!Liz

i'm grateful for sabrina needing you today. i couldn't stop thinking about you yesterday, and i prayed for something to bring a new peace to you. sabrina throwing up was not what i had in mind, but as you've seen the lord works in ways we often don't understand. i feel for my kids when they are sick, but a part of me loves to feel so needed. i love the reason to cuddle with them a little more, and i think they love it too. i think today may be just what you and sabrina both needed in so many ways.

Just tuning in via Darleen. I must say, your blog has so inspired me as I commented last week. (I know that is an overused cliche)

You are so right about "Mother Medicine" being the best thing. My two older daughters have both called from BYU the first times they have been sick with the stomach flu.

Hope the stomach flu stops with Miss Sabrina and the rest of you do not have to suffer through it this week.

Here, 3000 miles away in Connecticut, all I have been able to do is give them some soothing words and tell them drink some 7-Up and stay hydrated.

I am usually able to say a quick "I love you honey" before they hastily said "gotta go mom... I need to throw up!"

Thank you Stephanie and Jon for all your heartfelt moments you have put "out there" for those of us to read and share. To be reminded of how important it is to love our little ones, ornery ones, and even our grown older children....unconditionally.

Stephanie,I don't know if you remember me, but this is Carli (Gordon). I am Chaston Gordon's sister. Do you remember us from way back at Green Valley High School? I came across your blog from the Bradshaw girls. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. You and your family will be in our prayers. I am in awe of your strength, courage, and testimony. You are an amazing person and a wonderful example to all. I hope you will continue to heal. At time like this, I am so thankful for the gospel and the knowledge we have of eternal families. I will put you and your family's name on the temple prayer roll here in Prove. I thank you for the courage to share this with all of us. I pray that you will continue to have the strenght that you have. -Carli (Gordon) SpradlinP.S. Chas sends his regards and you will be in his prayers as well.

My SIL Amber Jardine sent me to your blog. I lost my little boy in April. I just wanted to thank you so much for your posts, and to let you know we're praying for your family. I am so sorry for your loss.

I am not an official mom yet but I was able to get a glimpse of what it will be like one day while at camp this week with a sick kid and other trials. I thouht of you andwas grateful for the chance to see the beauty of the girls through the eyes of a mom. You and Jon are amazing and we love you!

I'm really proud of you, you've been asked to deal with on of life's most horrible injustices, and your breathing in and out and putting one foot infront of the other. I'm so sorry that you lost camile, that you're family doesn't get to be complete as it once was. You are a wonderful mother, and I know your mother must be of the most proudest of you. I hope you all don't catch the bug. Take care...

I found your blog thru a friend of mine, and as I got reading I realized I had heard about your loss through another friend of mine. Thank you so much for sharing your intimate, beautiful thoughts with us. I just sobbed as I sat and read your entries. They give perspective and help us remember why we became mommies. I'm gonna go squeeze my little ones and let the unrolled toilet paper and messy kitchen, stay messy. Your family will be in my prayers. Thank you.Kristen Christensen

I have recently found your blog and read prior post about your little one who left this world too early but didn't make any comments until now. I can't imagine what your going through but I know the love you have for your children as I am the mom to a very special little boy myself. Take in the comfort of your friends and family and let them love you, thats what you need. I plan on coming back to read more. All your girls are precious and just because your a mom doesn't mean you still don't need yours!

I found your blog from another bloggers. You give me such strength in raising my children. I just have to look at them and be so grateful for eternal families. It is always wonderful to know that. I am glad you have the gospel to help you through this time. May Heavenly Father continue to comfort you in this time of pain.

You have no idea how amazing and strengthening your testimony is. Although we don't know each other, you strengthen me, you make me refocus my goals. You have helped me put my children at the top of the list...knowing that we only borrow them from our Father in heaven for a little while...and at anytime he could call them home. You are such a blessing to me...and we will probably never meet, but I thank you for sharing your beautiful Camille with us. Helping us all to be better mothers. You have no idea how many people you are touching, and strengthening through sharing your testimony of the gospel. Thank you for your courage, your beautiful words, and your honesty. Love The McDonald Family in Fort Richardson, Alaska

Hello. I have recently been introduced to this site, and your story, and I have spent all morning in tears while reading it. It has made me appreciate my two little girls so much more. I couldn't have asked for better timing either, since my oldest (4 yrs.) has picked up some bad habits that make me want to scream. But after reading this story, I find myself so unbelievably grateful for her. For her independence, her attitude, her smile...

As I was reading this post, it occurred to me that the lack of dread may also be because as awful as the stomach flu is- you have the opportunity to be with this one daughter all day. Just the two of you. Bonding, spending time together. Cuddling her, making her feel better. It isn't the best of circumstances, but I rarely feel dread when my girls get sick. It is awful to see them in pain, but it is also nice to have the dependent baby in them come out for a visit. To be so basely needed by my child is such a healing and cathartic feeling for me. Thank you for your example, and thank you for sharing this heartbreaking story with us. If it has done nothing more than help me love my children a little more, and take in the blessing of them more often, then it has succeeded in making me a better mother, and woman. I am sorry you had to go through such an awful and heart wrenching experience, but your example has been one I won't soon forget.

I don't know you, but I have been reading about your little girl and her accident. It has really touched me. As I sit here I am crying thinking about how hard the process must have been. I have 2 girls, 3 years old and 3 months old, and sometimes I am over-whelmed with motherhood. Reading your story has given me strength and a new sense of love for my girls. My newest baby had colic and acid reflux up until about 3 weeks ago and I thought I was going to die from being so tired and hearing crying all the time. I remember during the crying telling myself that she would get better and that I would enjoy her someday. It was a small trial compared to what you and your husband have gone through. I think sometime we have a hard time seeing past our current trial to the future. I am grateful to be a mother, but sometimes I forget that it is all worth it. Thank you for reminding me. My kids are so valuable to me. I am sorry for your loss, but I thank you for sharing your story. I hope I never go through what you have (it is my greatest fear to lose a child),I really admire you and your strength.

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Camille's Story

Our lovely daughter Camille, drowned in our backyard spa on June 13, 2008 and died two days later in the hospital. This blog has served as a tool for me to work through my emotions in this grieving process. If you want to skip back to the first post after Camille's drowning you can click on her picture below.