Mariah Carey: Proof that 2016 Wasn’t Going Out Without A Fight

Personally, I didn’t watch Mariah Carey’s New Years Eve performance live. I pulled it up on YouTube later after seeing all the fuss on social media. Even when the story broke, I found myself wondering, “Can it really be THAT bad?” I assumed everyone was just looking for something to bite into. After the beating that was 2016, we just needed a punching bag. Right?

As I watched I thought, “Is she lip syncing? Is that IT? Everyone does that.” Sure the feathers were a little weird, but it bad been a weird year. I had seen reports that Carey had skipped rehearsal and what was unfolding on staged seemed to me like a manageable result of that. Then…

Oh boy. Oh no. What’s happening. How many people watched this? How many people waited for hours in the cold for this?

It was truly awful. And increasingly unsalvageable. It wasn’t like one of those moments when the music unexpectedly cuts and the singer holds the mic out to the audience, hoping they’ll fill the roll, and thankfully they faithfully pick up the responsibility until the problem is remedied.

That wasn’t the case on New Years Eve. But how? How in the history of live music was this happening? At one of the most-watched events of the year? Don’t they not train pop stars to handle equipment failure? This isn’t the first monitor that’s kicked mid-performance. Singers have forgotten lines. Justin Bieber threw up on stage. Alex Gaskarth had a panic attack. Dave Grohl broke a leg and the show still went on.

The only thing that kept going in this case were the dancers. All Carey could say is, “I’m trying to be a good sport here.” Are you though? Lip syncing isn’t a crime, but that was far from “amazing.” Even if it was sabotage, who did it? Nick Cannon? And why?

Perhaps instead of puzzling over the still smoldering train wreck that NYE was, we should sort who to book next year so that they have plenty of time to rehearse and get it right. So far, the frontrunners are:

1. Kaleo

An excellent band live, Kaleo has worked hard for years and they deserve the payoff. The group has proved that they can play in volcanoes and on an iceberg; there’s no doubt that they’d survive a broken monitor or two.

2. The Killers

I know what you’re thinking: “What is it 2004?” No, but The Killers have been steadily putting out solid music (e.g. Battle Born) and playing amazing shows ever since. Maybe what NYE needs is a veteran performer?

3. Solange

It’s got to be hard to be related to Beyonce and yet somehow Solange has made it work. With a widely successful album all her own now to compete with her sister’s shadow, Solange proved in 2016 that she’s worth backing. No doubt the hype will carry ’til next New Year.

4. Bruno Mars

Remember when Bruno Mars played the Super Bowl and even your mom loved it? No one would mind a repeat of that performance. “Auld Lang Syne” could’ve been followed-up by “Uptown Funk” and we all could have gone home happy.

5. Ariana Grande

After all the shade thrown back and forth between these two, it’d be HILARIOUS. Ariana Grande could cover Mariah Carey songs for six minutes and everyone could just kick back and watch the fall out.