Tuesday, September 12, 2017

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: "Why, two, of course!" (Both hands are already in the air.)
Pentecostal: "10! One to change the bulb, and nine to pray to the holy ghost, against the spirit of darkness."

Presbyterians: "None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times."
Roman Catholic: "None. Candles only."
Baptists: "Nah, at least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three
committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad
and fried chicken."
Episcopalians: "4. One to call the
electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much
better the old light bulb was, than the new one we're screwing on with
the fourth."
Mormons: "5. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it."
Unitarians: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or
against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you
have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited
to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the
next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb
traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and
tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
Methodists: "Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you
are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church
wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice
and a covered dish."
Nazarene: "6. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy."
Lutherans: "We believe in sunlight alone. 'Cause the Bible says that
man shalt live off of the sunshine ALONE. You can't add on to the
natural light which cometh through thine window, cause then it would
taketh away from the sunlight."
Amish: "What is a light bulb?"

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