Friday, September 02, 2005

Hil Text-Messages Citibank: "CALL ME WHEN U GET THIS."

Why is the Micronian Queen so excited to turn 18? Because she'll be legal? The trust fund will unfreeze? So she can buy cigarettes without the aid of a personal assistant? No, none of these. She really just wants a cellphone. The Duffster recounts her recent attempt at procuring one:

"I was getting a new service and everything. [...] It is the biggest hassle in the world. I waited forever and ever and I was busy, on a schedule trying to get this phone."

What the hell could possibly be so pressing? Maybe it's the high profile appearance at the Allentown, PA, fair today alongside Larry the fucking Cable Guy (Maybe Hil will join in whenever Larry says that hilarious "Git-r-done" shit. That would be, like, so funny, oh my God).

"Then I put my credit card down and he was like, 'You have no credit, you cannot buy this cell phone.' I was like, 'What? Oh my God! Are you kidding me?' He said I had no credit I almost freaked out. I called my mom, I was like, 'Mommy I have no credit! What happened?' I didn't know what had happened but I was really scared."

This is truly terrible news, but it does explain why it was Hil's sister who hung up on LiLo the other day, and not the Queen herself. Yeah, I know you guys thought it was because she was too busy or too famous to answer a phone personally, but now we all know it's because she can't even prove she has a job. Shit, I bet Aaron Carter bought Lindsay's cell for her. That's right, I fucking said it. Snap.