So there's this girl

Okay so there's this girl in one of my classes at school. She's beautiful (at least to me) and I'm (not trying to sound egotistical, just what I've heard from many many people) pretty good looking. But I have one problem, a pretty major problem... I have the looks but I don't have the suave or whatever term you would like to put it when it comes to talking to girls. I was at one point when I was younger diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome but I try to get past it, even if I don't believe I have it. I think I've done a great job overall because I can talk to anybody now with no problem except one kind of person... A girl I like.

Now I know for some of you guys it's like "man the fuck up and talk to her" but you don't understand what I feel inside even I know it means nothing. Basically I don't know how to relate easily to her because I feel if I brought up something I noticed on her Facebook, Twitter, or whatever it might be then it could be looked upon as "stalking" even though you need to have a subject at hand for to be interested. Second issue, lets say I get lucky and I somehow get past the first issue, how do I keep her talking? I kind of struggle with that... Do I do say a few sentences regarding the subject then redirect the question back at her to keep her talking?

I'm really just bad at this and it's part of the reason that even though I'm good looking, I'm just horrible at the talking... Is there a set of guidelines? Also during class there is usually a spare seat nearby her, do I get up when nothing is happening in that class and trust me there are times when kids are just talking and doing nothing or would that be awkward? I know this is a gaming forum but there has to be some guy who understands high school relationships or knows what to do.

Also I would assume not involve gaming into anything because it's looked upon as socially unacceptable.

I'm not going to comment too much on the smoothness, as a socially awkward high schooler myself, but don't be ashamed of playing games. Unless you're willing to give it up completely, be open enough to let her know how important it is to you. You don't have to mention it right off the bat or anything, but don't shy away from your true hobbies.

Yes it would be kind of awkward to sit next to a girl you don't know when you have been sitting somewhere else since school started. You gotta have at least one conversation with her to sit next to her, in my opinion. It's not that hard to start a conversation, it's a little harder if you've spent a month not talking to her, but you can just ask her something random like the answer to some exercise, then like something "cheesy" like "and besides that, how you doing", and that's it really, next day you sit next to her, and she'll guess you're probably interested in her and start talking to you and it will be easier to start conversations.

Yes it would be kind of awkward to sit next to a girl you don't know when you have been sitting somewhere else since school started. You gotta have at least one conversation with her to sit next to her, in my opinion. It's not that hard to start a conversation, it's a little harder if you've spent a month not talking to her, but you can just ask her something random like the answer to some exercise, then like something "cheesy" like "and besides that, how you doing", and that's it really, next day you sit next to her, and she'll guess you're probably interested in her and start talking to you and it will be easier to start conversations.

I understand that completely but to get into a situation like that is kind of hard. I literally sit just about on the opposite side of the classroom by pure chance... She's pretty good in the class and I'm not doing badly either but I get the jist of what you are trying to say but here comes the next question.. How would I get myself into that situation since I'm on the other side of the classroom? Actually I think I may have figured it out but would love to hear your answer or possible solution...

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I think I've figured it out... Okay basically whenever I'm sitting a bit closer to her with a few friends doing something group related with questions I can go over to her to a desk near her and ask her how to figure this certain question out because I couldn't? Or is that to forceful?

---------- Post added 2012-10-09 at 08:48 PM ----------

Originally Posted by vizzle

You don't have to reassure us you're good looking 3 times. Man the fuck up and talk to her. If you don't, then you don't. It's your choice.

It's not that simple in high school, you have to be fucking elegant with your words, you can't go up to some random girl and hit on her... It's not a night club.

I think I've figured it out... Okay basically whenever I'm sitting a bit closer to her with a few friends doing something group related with questions I can go over to her to a desk near her and ask her how to figure this certain question out because I couldn't? Or is that to forceful?

---------- Post added 2012-10-09 at 08:48 PM ----------

It's not that simple in high school, you have to be fucking elegant with your words, you can't go up to some random girl and hit on her... It's not a night club.

I never told you to hit on her. I told you to talk to her, because it is that simple. You're never going to get anywhere overanalyzing this like a chump.

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Dude you just got to be yourself and go with the flow. Just go and talk to her dude. All this "planning" your doing is just going to make you seem really awkward in the end. If shes a nice girl then she will talk to you even if you see shy and nervous. Your not going to like her in the long term if she puts you off because your not following some sort of weird "social rules".

Even though man the fuck up doesent really help, its still something you'll have to do. without taking risks you wont get anywhere~
And as for good looking, its still something personal! Your friends may think you are but she might not, so that isnt really something to go by on imo.

Originally Posted by Duronos

Yeah I understand that I just have to go talk to her but you can't just sit down next her and say hey what's up, that's kind of borderline weird.

And yes you can, unless you have another way of talking to her like on facebook or whatever she uses... this would be the way! i don't see whats weird about that

Yeah I understand that I just have to go talk to her but you can't just sit down next her and say hey what's up, that's kind of borderline weird.

When I was in highschool, there was this new girl who I really wanted to talk to. But I was the socially awkward type around girls too back then, but I knew I had to talk to her to get anywhere. I went up to her and told her, "Hey, I like your socks," because they were Harry Potter socks. She thought that was funny and we hit it off. You really don't have to be "smooth". You just need charisma and confidence. The only reason you're planning right now? Because you're subconsciously delaying it. You're too afraid to do it. Throw away the planning, just do it.

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Yeah I understand that I just have to go talk to her but you can't just sit down next her and say hey what's up, that's kind of borderline weird.

Actually if you are nervous and sweaty, no matter what you say to her is gonna come across as weird. If you can avoid coming across as nervous(not easy, I know) then really what you say isn't all that important... however you should probably come up with something better than "hey what's up". Probably want to pick something that will lead to a conversation, something she is doing at the time, something she likes, something she is wearing at the time, hell even telling her you found her facebook page searching for schoolmates and such and such that she said was pretty cool. Just make it something that isn't going to end with her answer to you.

How old are you? If you are pretty young, as you sound (less than 17), there is nothing to be scared of about just walking in towards her during a recess. Is she by herself at some point or is she surrounded by a cloud of girls?

There's nothing to be scared of, because she's going to be more scared than you So, whatever you say will catch her off guard. This is because being the active part, you are at least in control of your own actions. She's the reactive part, so she depends on what you say first.

The excuse, whatever you say to start off, it doesn't really matter. Try to check if she smiles or not.
And whatever you say, don't stutter. Doesn't need to be anything witty or suave. Just something like "hey, how come we've never talked?", or "what an interesting/boring lesson/teacher, uh?". You might even just approach to suggest having lunch together.

About the stalking fear... yes, use all the information you can to keep the conversation going. Don't reveal you know it, though. You know what to talk about, and you have a good idea of what she will reply because you read about her tastes, so you will not be caught off guard. Be honest about your own tastes though, obviously... don't use the FB info as a cheap way to pretend to like all she likes lol. That's wrong on many levels.

Walk up to her and say, "It's not gonna suck itself." That should be a good ice breaker... or you can get lucky like me, and she will talk to you first. I met my long term girlfriend in 9th grade and have dated her for 7 year. I had just started playing wow at the time and was a very quite computer gamer who played snare drum in band. So, I just got really lucky and this cheerleader started talking to me on the first day of class, and the rest is history.

Now I know for some of you guys it's like "man the fuck up and talk to her" but you don't understand what I feel inside even I know it means nothing.

Yes, we do. And yes, the answer is to "man the fuck up and talk to her." If her Facebook information is set to public, there is nothing wrong with asking her about things on it - if it's set to public, she doesn't care if people look her up, or she's so oblivious and stupid you're probably better off not getting involved.

I understand that completely but to get into a situation like that is kind of hard. I literally sit just about on the opposite side of the classroom by pure chance... She's pretty good in the class and I'm not doing badly either but I get the jist of what you are trying to say but here comes the next question.. How would I get myself into that situation since I'm on the other side of the classroom? Actually I think I may have figured it out but would love to hear your answer or possible solution...

I know I'm really over thinking this.

Grow up and be a man about it, no need to play games or beat around the bush.
Walk straight up to her and tell her you are infatuated with her and would like to take the opportunity to get to know her better.