With my words I do create.

October 15, 2009

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes - Got Consent?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I haven't blogged in a while, and I'll still be posting Rwanda posts eventually as well as random updates on college life. The short version is that I am loving it here at Ohio State. There are endless opportunities to get involved and make a difference, and events that cater to my interests and subjects I'm passionate about, like the event I went to tonight.

Tonight I went to an event called Walk a Mile in Her Shoes sponsored by the Ohio State Interfraternity Council and the Ohio Union Activities board. As stated on the Facebook event page, "Walk a Mile in Her Shoes is the International Men's March to raise awareness for Rape, Sexual Assault, and Gender Violence." The hundreds (I think there were hundreds) of men who showed up literally walked a full mile in women's high-heeled shoes (very large high-heeled shoes) to show support for the cause. I went to support the guys and to buy a t-shirt, the proceeds of which went to SARNCO, the Sexual Assault Response Network of Central Ohio.

I met up with some friends from WARR (Women and Allies Rising in Resistance), the feminist club which I'm a part of on campus. One of the girls, co-leader of WARR, was at the event to speak about sexual assault that she had experienced.

It was hilarious watching the guys wobble on four- and five-inch heels, rolling up their jeans so they wouldn't step on them, and trying to keep from tripping. Some of the boys really got the hang of it - their runway walks were steadier than I could have done in high heels, which I tend to avoid.

Two of the guys did fantastically well - one guy brought his own high heels, eight-inch black and red platforms that could only have been worn by a talented stripper or a transvestite. Very impressiv. There was a student dressed in a red bodysuit (it even had a hood and covered his fingers) of Under Armor with sexy black heels, a pink cape with a breast cancer ribbon silkscreened to it, and legs that were as long as I am tall. He "broke it down" and did the dance from the music video of Beyonce's "Single Ladies."

After the men had walked (or in some cases, ran) the mile in their pumps, they sat in the Wexner Center plaza to listen to my friend's story.

She talked about being sexually assaulted at Ohio University. Just a week after her 19th birthday a year and a half ago, she met a man at a party and was vaginally raped and forced to give him oral sex at his home later that night. She talked about the difficulties of being a "victim" and the emotional and physical damage it caused her. She was still bleeding the next day, so she went to the emergency room and was forced to look at the extent of the damage he had done to her body. She didn't want to tell her mother, because then she would have to face the fact that this horrible, unspeakable thing had happened to her. She cried for over two weeks straight after the incident -

"And I don't cry," she said, "not during sappy commercials, not during Titanic, not during The Notebook. I'm a tough girl."

She was terrified of men - all men - and rarely left her dorm for social activities, afraid that she might run into her rapist, or that he would try to find her and hurt her again. She finally went forward to prosecute, hoping her troubles would end with her rapist being put in jail, but instead her case was dropped.

She told her mother that she "just wanted to feel normal again." She wanted to stop feeling afraid and regain control of her life.

The audience of this story, about 100 male college students and 50 female students, listened quietly as she spoke.

"We filed a civil lawsuit this March and we're still in that process, but I'm finally starting to move on and as you all can see, I'm able to talk about it. I'm not a 'victim' anymore, I'm now a 'survivor'."

She went on to talk about how rape affects everyone, and not just the act itself - when men objectify women by catcalling them on the street they're saying that women are just objects to be used and appreciated by men.

"A woman does not ever 'have it coming' by the way she dresses, how she looks, how much she drinks at a party. Women have the right to look the way they want to, dress the way they want to, and drink as much as they want to. A woman shouldn't expect or fear getting raped because of the choices she makes.

Don't make rape ok, don't devalue it by using the word 'rape' in a joking matter, or joking about having sex with the drunkest girl at the party. We all have to commit to do our part. Real men don't rape women, and consent is not coersion, or drunkenness, or a 'no.' Consent is a certain and enthusiastic 'yes'."

When she finished, everyone stood and applauded her courage and we hugged her and told her what a wonderful job she'd done.

While I'm sure it was fun teetering around in an accessory most of them would probably never wear again (until next year's event, that is), the men knew that they were there to be allies in the fight against sexual assault, rape, and gender violence, and it was so refreshing to see male support in the constant battle for women's equality and respect.

5 Comments

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