I left Philadelphia for college in 2001, here is why i will not go back….

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Category Archives: is it me?

Yello everybody! le sigh i know, i have not been here in quite some time, my apologies. Blogging is hard, or rather blogging isn’t hard, but like everything, it requires energy and that most precious of resources, – time. I always seem to feel like i have no time or i feel like i’m super exhausted and all i want to do is sit and watch tv, or play vid games. getting old sucks, but i haven’t forgotten this and its purpose, even if it’s just personal for me atm.

i’m getting ready to go on work travel, and i am shockingly nervous. Normally i love to travel, especially for work, but right now i am so anxious. At first i thought this feeling was because i felt some terrible kind of foreboding, like people who get on doomed flights, or die in unexplained ways when they go out of town. I’ve been listening to a lot of armchair detective podcasts lately so that didn’t seem so out of order, fear off something happening when i’m out of town is new for me. Then i thought about it, i love flying i love going to new places, maybe i just didn’t want to leave my dog and boyfriend, but i am only going to be gone a week, Monday to friday, it shouldn’t be so bad, i’ve done this before and i didn’t feel panicky, no attacks. Even when he was going through really rough patches with drinking and the dog was sick, i didn’t have any worries. I felt ok leaving them excited to come back. I knew we would talk every day and they would be ok. But right now? I feel a panic attack coming on. But why?

i worked late friday night and i figured it out: it’s work. i’m overwhelmed and stuff is piling up on my desk. I have never NEVER gone away from my day job leaving anything undone and this is the first time i wasn’t able to clear my desk before leaving for a week. Don’t get me wrong when i’m at work, i work, and work HARD, but… It’s actually terrifying. I don’t want to get in trouble for not finishing anything, i don’t want anything to expire on my desk. i’m panicking because i’m afraid of losing my job, and i have never been this far behind in my life. I worked late on friday night and early on Saturday and i wasn’t even able to make a dent in my pile of paperwork. This thing is literally a foot high. I’ve asked for help but none seems coming, and i’m just exhausted. There is no patience right now and it’s taking its toll on me. I want to travel, but i feel like i’m hurting myself by doing so. I hope there is some understanding there. The problem is everything starts with me. I hope they realize what it means to have me agree to go out of town, even for a week. I just need some reassurances right now. ugh, i’m trying to relax and enjoy my weekend but i just want to get this crap moving and off my desk. And enjoy my trip. No anxiety, just work and exploring Texas. This is the worst time to be doing this. The planning/timing of this definitely leaves something to be desired. Let’s hope everything works out ok.

On a lighter note, this gives me a chance to dump out all of the pictures on my phone so i can take new pictures of all the sights! i’m am kind of excited about that. Look 2014 Sundance~!

So cute! LOL (a little arrogant, ne?)

i do feel a little bit better getting that out. And now the list thus far

Do my hair*

Fundraise for my dogs vet bills (please click here to donate love and moneys~! Oh yeah this is complete~! Thank you to all my friends and family who helped!

Train my dog to stop whining (also known as communicate better with my animal)* He’s a doberman ain’t never gonna happen see this video https://youtu.be/cB9pVJ3mYcE not my dog but clearly a doberman thing

Pay all my bills * The car is paid off, the credit car is paid off, now it’s just student loans!

Get my A+

Cook dinner every night*

Mix drinks at home instead of buying beer I quit drinking, that’s a long story for another post

Read all the books *

Watch one dvd on my Netflix every night

Keep loosing weight

Do my laundry *

Clean my room *

Get my own pimptastic camera

Learn how to use my friends camera*

Get my degree in anthropology

Learn how to act*

Work on my documentary *

Buy a house

I guess you’ll notice that some things have changed, been removed been updated, but things are going well thus far. Let’s hope i can keep moving up and that my job continues to go well. More updates to follow, maybe i’ll do this in texas while missing my boyfriend and puppy, but for now here’s your moment of why i left PA

So Sony’s terms of service are officially a pain, and possibly set up to benefit people who steal account information… but not the owners of their consoles, make sure you read your terms of service guys. Hopefull f this happens to enough people or if enough people raise a stink about it they’ll fix this broken issue.

Time stamps have been changed to protect the irritated;

Sandra (8/19/2016): Hello, My name is Sandra how may I assist you today?
Me : hello!
Me : i’m starting to worry
Me : i went on vacation this summer and found out that my ps4 is not currently set up as my primary ps4
Sandra : Hi!
Me : i contacted sony about a month ago explaining that it was probably my old roommate, who had a ps4 that i logged into but as since moved out and i no longer have access tot hat system
Me : no in the past 5 days sony has asked me to reset my password every day and i have still not been able to activate this system as my primary
Sandra: I’m sorry to hear that you are having issue with the activate as a primary, but I’ll be more than glad to help you out to solve the issue as soon as possible.
Me: i don’t know what to do
Sandra: Just to confirm, the account information you entered before you initiated the chat, is that the account you want to work on?
Me: yes
Me : i have some ps3’s but no problem with them just my PS4
Sandra: I would be happy to help you with that today. I can’t do it for you, but you can follow this link for step-by-step instructions on how you can deactivate game content yourself using the following instructional link:

Or, you can submit a request for a Specialist to deactivate your console.
You will be notified within 1 business day with a response.

Here is the link to the online request form:

http://us.playstation.com/deactivate
Me: i tried that last month and never got a response
Me : will that also deactivate my ps3s?
Sandra : Yes all the consoles that are related to the consoles that are related to the account.
Me : and what exactly does deactivation do?
Me : will i lose my save files?
Me : my account information?
Sandra : unlink the account information and content from that consoles.
Me : from all my consolse
Me: so will i loose my save data?
Sandra : Just log in with the console again and you will have the content there again.
Me : will i have to change my password?
Sandra : No just log in and active as a primary.
Me ok
Me so itried to adeactivate via the first link
Me i’m not sure if it worked
Sandra : Yes please, Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Me : do i need to restart my playstation?
Me : it’s still saying i cannot activate this system as my primary
Me : so it seems like i cannot use the first link without access to the original system
Sandra : After reviewing your account, the last deactivation was done on 06/28/2016.
Please note that console deactivation can be done every 6 months for any SEN account. For future reference, please follow this link for more information regarding deactivating console and step-by-step instructions on how to do it.https://support.us.playstation.com/articles/en_US/KC_Article/Deactivate-Consoles-Via-PC-Website/?
Me : it looks like that is just for media
Me : not fo games as well
Me : is that correct?
Sandra: Just media?
Me: oh no hold on
Me : when i clcicke don it i got an error message tthtat says You have deactivated your devices recently and cannot use this feature at this time.
Me : which is clearly untrue as i never activated my device
Me : someone else is still using my acount as primary on their playstation
Sandra : We can’t deactivate the console(s) since this action can only be performed once every 6 months.
After 6 months has passed, you may deactivate your game content yourself using the following instructional link below: https://support.us.playstation.com/articles/en_US/KC_Article/Deactivate-Consoles-Via-PC-Website/?
Me : but it never worked the first time
Me : if someone activated my account who wasn’t me does this mean the have access to all my playstation plus account info and are able to play my games offline for the next 6 months?
Sandra : You can change the password of the account in order to keep the account information safe.
Me : Currently it is making me change my password everytime i log in anyway
Me : Also can you tell me ho w much time is left in my 6 months of waiting before i can activate my account?
Sandra : You will be able to do it on: 12/29/2016.
Me : abysmahave you gotten many complaints about this feature?
Me : and why does it take 6 months?
Sandra : That are part of the terms of service of the account.

I’m starting to feel abandonded… it’s like there are so many people out there that i haven’t talked to in forever, and they don’t reach out to me. Is it me?

I have to admit i’ve snubbed people, people who were doing things that were obviously “wrong”. People who the group believed to be Immature, or just well bad. i used to think i was so loyal, but i’ve abandonded people. I thought i was doing what was best for everyone. So why am i alone?

I made it clear i didn’t want to be around the bad influences nemore. I was cheered on and people stood by me, but those people seem to have dissapeared. It seems as though the people i’ve snubbed or the people i’ve abandonded are more fun, or more better and others want to be around them. No one calls me any more. Some people can blame it on the distance. Some people can blame it on the dog.

In a world where everyone is connected even without the regular social media that most peple have to connect me, i know what’s going on. Even i can’t live in a vacuum of ignorance for other people. But i still feel alone. So i’m wondering if all these people who i ditched for drugs, questionable decisions, drama, emotional abuse, booze benders, are hanging out and being happy with the people who told me it was right for me to leave, and supported my snobby decision.

Is it me?

Is it normal to leave behind so much?

When you look at people who have been married and divorced 4 or more times, doesn’t the thought cross your mind… what’s wrong with that person? At a cerrtain point its not the spouse it’s you.

Does the same thing work with non-romantic relationships?

Is it me?

Am i like Onyx now Raven?

Onyx now Raven was doing so well, but now she’s struggling.

My boyfriend and Nina’s boyfriend believe that it’s only a matter of time. She can’t be uptight forever. I’m not so sure, i hope she can stay with them, however i’m concerend that they may have enough pets without her there. She needs a lot of attention and that makes owning her hard with other pets. I think they can do it. I hope they can do it. She just seems so happy there. I’m sure she thinks we’re all nuts though, she’s just being a dog.

At least she’s still not humping pillows…

“get it out of my house” he says

But she’s not eating well…

They say cuddling, i say a little bit of Dom cuddling…

They are working on bed and spot. She gets it but is stillpushy and needy. Le sigh…