Saturday, November 27, 2010

Today marks my one year anniversary of meeting you. So I'm laying all my cards on the table.

I've settled into a 2 or 3 month long fog of depression, I've gained 8 lbs due to a non-existant exercise regime, even though my eating hasn't been horrible.

But I haven't skated in a month.

So where I am is still unbelievably smaller than I have been since junior high, but bigger than I was 5 months ago.

My amazing Burly arms are sadly normal.

My peek-a-boo-abs that were almost there in the correct lighting... those just disappeared in the last few weeks.

But what can disappear in a week, a month, 6 months, can also be found again in a week, a month, 6 months. I'll be back.

Our anniversary is important to me. On this day a year ago I began seriously thinking about my heath, envisioning myself as strong, beautiful, chin-free. Today I am returning to our goal- a lifetime of healthy choices. You don't just lose weight, it's constant work. Kind of like a zombie movie- you gotta constantly keep shooting the bastards and boarding things up or else they'll creep in through a window, a crawl space, and then you have a score of other problems.

Okay, maybe not. But I'm scared enough of the undead that the visual of my sedentary ass being damned and after my braaaaaiiiiiins might actually work in the motivation department.

What I am saying is this: I need to move. Even when I'm depressed movement can lift me out of myself, and I just need to push past the feeling that I need to be in my bed avoiding everything. It won't be easy- if it was, I wouldn't walk around like a shell of a person at all- I'd snap out of it. But I've found that saying it out loud, identifying the problem is helping. Giving it weight.

Today I am recommitting myself to my new size 10 jeans that another pound from now will not button or zip. I'm recommitting myself to bear crawls with my children in the yard and making growling noises while we do. And dammit, I'm recommitting myself to fiber one cereal, yogurt and 8 glasses of water a day. Because this shit is bananas.

Happy anniversary, you've saved my life. See you in class again soon, I promise.