Just a quick update; a new game in the Hitman series has been revealed, say hello to Hitman Absolution. It’s been a while since Hitman Blood Money, and it’s about time Agent 47 made a return, and in nice shiny HD. All that has been released so far is a teaser trailer (seen below) which shows pretty much nothing. But still, I just about exploded (you know what I mean, boys) when I heard about it.

So enjoy the trailer below, start your speculation about what that snake means, and count down the days to E3 because you just know we’ll get some info then.

P.S. The wonderful Henry Gilbert over at Gamesradar has found the barcode featured in the trailer is a bit more lewd than you thought. Turns out that scanning the barcode on, say, an iPhone takes you to an Amazon page for a… Well, go to Gamesradar to find out… Then come back here. They’re no good anyway…

So what’s happened while I’ve been gone? Oh yes, the Playstation Network is down. And it has been for a very, VERY long time.

Oh, and PSN is down. Shouldn't take too long guys...

And you know what’s even worse; the fact that my details may or may not have been stolen. But hey, it’s okay because we get free shit! You know that totally worthwhile Playstation Plus thing? Well every existing PSN member gets 30 days free PS+. It has also been revealed that we get a choice of two free games from a selection of five, most likely PSN games and not actual retail games. But you just know that out of those five, you’ll already on at least four, because life likes to screw with you sometimes.

Playstation is working on restoring the service, and promises to have PSN back up by the end of the week, although they seem to have already missed a deadline. But hey, as long as they make it more secure and they keep those pesky Nigerian princes at bay.

Nigerian Prince? Really, Google?

Hopefully none of you have suffered. There’s no guarantee credit card information was stolen, but Playstation admitted there could be a possibility that that happened. But hey, I’ve not had anything stolen, no strange emails, no nothing. So basically I get two free games for no real reason. “Oh no, I couldn’t play online!” Good, I’m shit online, this saved me the embarrassment.

Yes, after a long hiatus, I’m back, ready to report on the world of videogames! So… How’ve you been? Oh really, sounds painful. How long? Five hours!? Did you have to see the doctor? Well yeah, I bet she liked it.

So tune in whenever, where ever and why-ever for your dose of gaming goodness. Now excuse me while I ponder another long break…

Chocobo, oh Chocobo
I love you, don’t you know
With your feathers so golden
So elusive, I wish I could get a hold on

You come in many colours so bright
Red, blue and even white
Green, golden and sometimes black
When each new game comes, I yearn to see you back

Chocobo

You save me from all the fiends
You climb mountains, traverse seas
You turn your head up, and look to the sky
Open your wings and then you fly

You have played my loyal knight
Hunted me treasure, and been my guiding light
If you had never been around
No more kwehs and other sounds

If you had never entered my life
Or that of Squall or Cloud Strife
Oh Chocobo, I honour you with this song
For how would I have coped all these years so long

Choco-blue

*sniff*
It’s such a beautiful poem. I’m a lyrical genius!
This is a tribute to our large feathered friend, the Chocobo. You better enjoy the goddamn poem, I spent about 20 minutes writing it. The things I do for you people…

This picture. This is all people have to go off of. This picture is another piece in the Hitman 5 rumour puzzle. But you can’t argue that that gun doesn’t look like Agent 47’s gun. And that that red tie isn’t Agent 47’s tie. Ladies and Gentlemen, guard your throats, Agent 47 is back. Maybe.

Holy shit. If you were stood there facing one of these beasts, that’s what you’d say. Yes, in the Final Fantasy world they come in many names; Summons, Espers, Aeons, Guardian Forces, but they all do the same thing; take names and kick ass. Wait, they don’t take names, and they don’t kick ass; they just obliterate. This Top 8 is going to highlight the scariest, pant-shittingest Summons out there. None of those wimpy little Shivas and Ifrits, I’m talking about real Summons, like…

Remember how I said how sad I would be when I eventually finished Batman: Arkham Asylum? Well, that day came and I was very sad. Not even the challenges could drag me from my pit of despair. But look! On the horizon, a game capable of making me happy again! It’s Just Cause 2, baby!