The agony of being fat shamed in public

I’ll be the first to hold up my hands and say yes, I am well rounded and podgy. It sort of snuck up on me after Little Button was born. A few biscuits here, and an ice cream there. It adds up. I could certainly lose a few pounds *coughs, stone. But I’m happy. Enjoying life. Even if my bum has a bit more jiggle than wiggle these days. It’s OK, because I’m Ok with it and taking active steps towards being more healthy. As you should.

But what I don’t need is someone to point the obvious out to me. In public. Loud and shouty. But that’s exactly what happened.

The agony of being fat shamed in public

We’ve been looking for a new car over the last couple of weeks. And the other day (the hottest day of the year) found ourselves in the coolest air conditioned showroom that ever was. It was amazing. Like sitting in an ice box. Thank you car showroom!

We were sat waiting to get some information from one of the sales team on a car that we would later go on to buy, when it happened.

I got fat shamed.

Right there.

In a car showroom.

In front of Mr Button and 5 year old Little Button.

A family of 3, sat a few desks down from us, were being a bit rowdy. Yelping, cracking jokes and generally drawing attention to themselves. Maybe they were over excited about getting a new car. But whatever was going on, they were making a giant spectacle of themselves, especially the mum. It looked like they were impatiently waiting for their sales person to return.

And that’s when it started.

“Oh my goooooooddddddddd, look at the state of meeeeee!!!” the mum screamed with laughter.

They all burst into fits of laughter, including their daughter who could only have been 9 or so.

I glanced up, and there. She was directing it at me.

Indirectly fat shaming me.

I felt flustered, embarrassed!

Mr Button was wrapped up in the details of the car we were looking at, and Little Button was watching a movie on her iPad (we’ve learnt to bring entertainment to car showrooms). Neither noticed, thank goodness. But I did.

I looked down at my fat podgy legs. Silently willing her to stop. A mum. A fellow mum, who thought it was Ok to torment another mum.

She continued.

“Loooookkkk at the state of me. I’m sooooo FAT. I’ll HAVE to starve myself. I HAVE to go on a diet. I’m disgusting”. More shrieks of laughter.

I felt my eyes burning. Trying to hold back the tears from welling up. Nodding and smiling at Mr Button’s chat about the car. Hiding my face from Little Button.

I didn’t look back over. But could feel eyes on me from the other family.

This went on for a bit, but with no outward reaction from our direction, it awkwardly stopped. They seemed to then not know what to say or do with themselves.

Fat shaming hurts

Despite being comfortable with my now somewhat larger body, being fat shamed in public hurt. It hurt a lot. Or, I suppose, the best way to describe it was feeling like an upturned beetle. Not really able to say or do anything as the spiteful words were indirectly spouted at me. I was sort of stuck in a weird limbo of embarrassment.

It’s not on

It really isn’t on. Fat shaming someone in public. That family didn’t know me. They had no right to openly judge me. What went through my mind the most the following day was that what if they had picked on someone who wasn’t comfortable in their own skin. What if the mum they were taunting was battling an illness. Depression. A flurry of words like that could trigger all sorts of reactions. Fat shaming is never a good idea. Ever. Whether in jest, out of spite or meanness. It’s not right.

I’m sick of hearing way too many negative stories from other mums who have been in similar fat shaming situations. It has to stop. It really does.

Now, I know none of you lovely people would ever fat shame someone. But just incase this post ever does come into the hands of someone that takes pleasure from pulling others down, just remember. Karma.

Karma is a b*tch

So, yes. Karma is a b*tch right? That family. Well. The sales person came back to tell them they didn’t pass the credit rating check. They didn’t get to pass go, or collect a shiny new car. Shame that. Like I said… karma.

60 Comments

Whaaaaat!? Oh Annette I’m speechless! Why would anyone say that to another human being? Having met you I can 100% tell you that you’re blimmin gorgeous. Shame on them for being so utterly repulsive as to act in this way. All the hugs lovely. (And thanks Karma! Ha!) xxx

(some) people are just dispicable human beings. Bad enough they were ‘grown ups’ who should definitely know better but to make it a joke and OK in front of their own child, thus perpetuating it is outrageous. Sometimes I dispair of society..
So glad karma hit them
Ps :you are a gorgeous human xxxx

I absolutely am horrified. How can anyone be so rude! I am so sorry this happened to you. You could have shouted ‘oh look, I’m in sooo much debt even a car sales person can’t sell me a car!’ Or ‘I’m so rude my children are growing up to be rude noisy brats’.

That’s horrid Annette! Omg how unkind! I just don’t understand people and in front of their child too. That’s disgusting but you must hold your head up high because you are loved by your family and that is what is important in this life.

How awful. Any way of idiot shaming these horrific people? Probably better not, just responding in kind. It’s precious little consolation at the time knowing these are hideous people, but really, since you can’t exterminate them, you have to ignore them and not let them see the hurt they are inflicting. BTW, since they didn’t get their car, this is probably accurately termed Carma. Boom Boom!#DreamTeam

I am so annoyed after reading this. Annoyed that so many people have such disregard for other people and their feelings. Whether you choose to or not lose weight is up to you. You are a person with feelings and have the right to look however you please. That’s a physical thing. But no one can stop someone from being an idiot right? #DreamTeam

I kept wanting you to say this was fiction to be honest. Feel for you but also very pleased to hear that you know your weight does not define you at all. I can’t be happy that they did not pass the credit check myself but I can imagine how you felt having insulted you – we are all human after all. #DreamTeam and much love to you – rise above it!

That is disgusting, I mean how dare they think that was acceptable. And in front of their child who is quite obviously going to grow up thinking that bullying is completely normal behaviour. That is truly evil. And I’m glad they didn’t get their shiny new car!! #dreamteam

I am literally horrified that anyone would behave like that at all, but in front of their children is taking vile to a whole other level. How awful for you! I would never have been able to hold my tongue you are far more of a lady than I am clearly xx #DreamTeam

Oh Ann sorry to hear you experienced this. What a scummy family. You’ve always been beautiful to me. From the first day I met you to now, nearly 15 years on. I would happily tell people that you are one of the most beautiful people I know. People who openly insult in public are not worth anyones attention. Lots of love from me xxxxx

This is horrific!!! What the hell is wrong with some people! I hope Karma hits them harder than failing a silly credit check!!! Im so sorry you had to experience this, there is absolutely no need for it and im sure you are more beautiful than that stupid woman on the inside and out

How can someone get to that age and stage of life and not be more mature than that?! I can think of several clever ways to respond to her, but that wouldn’t help. Best to ignore, as you did, and not be seen to laugh uproariously when they were turned down for a car loan! 😉 I would be tempted though to try to look really ill and say something like, “The medical treatments I’m undergoing just now are piling on the pounds, but we’re hoping they will save my life.” Surely that would shut her stupid mouth! #DreamTeam

I am horrified at your awful experience, for no reason at all. This was unnecessary and unkind. Blatant. As a survivor of a very bad and long eating disorder, I am disgusted at the lack of compassion and empathy. That in this day and age, we can be so uncaring, unkind… I’m nearly worldess… or set to write a post of my own. You are beautiful Annette, and I am so glad you have the strength in yourself to handle, and share this horrid fat shaming event. Big hug, lovely! <3 #dreamteam xoxo

sorry to hear this Annette. Every once in a while we all run into terrible people like this that can make it hard to keep faith in humanity. Disgusting behavior and a terrible example for her children #dreamteam

I feel bad you had to go through that but I totally cannot believe that some people are allowed to make children. What a stupid woman and she was raising stupid kids too who were learning from her stupid self. Good, I’m glad they didn’t have the credit to get a new car because they didn’t deserve one! #BlogCrush

This is terrible – what horrible people and what a horrible example that mother is setting her children. Like you say – what goes around comes around – I hope you see them waiting at a bus stop in the rain one day soon!! #DreamTeam

Oh my god, I am so angry on your behalf!! I’m so sorry you had to experience this and I’m so glad Karma gave them what they deserved. Fat shaming is never ever ok and it makes me mad that this woman was saying those awful things in front of her impressionable daughter. Don’t listen to the idiots lovely xx #blogcrush

The sad thing is that there are people like that on this earth, and they are teaching their children that this sort of behaviour is okay, so a whole new generation of foul people will continue their legacy. The good thing is that for each of them there is a dozen kind people who are willing you to take no notice and telling you how beautiful you are no matter what size your body. Take some comfort in that and make sure you give this incident no more thought. xx

Oh my goodness! I cant believe what I just read! How very, very rude! What a horrible woman and to be teaching her kids that kind of behaviour is apalling! There is just no excuse for being so horrible to anyone let alone someone you dknt know and Im so sorry you had to be in the same place as that bully. That wasnt a nice thing to experience at all

Oh Annette! What a horrid, horrid thing to happen! I just can’t imagine what goes through people’s heads to think that that is in any way acceptable??! Plus she’s teaching her children to behave that way too. I am glad to hear that you are happy in your own skin – there are a million worse things to be than “fat” and a million more important things than the size of your waist. Be you, my lovely!

That is disgusting. No one has the right to demean another human being for anything. People really are disgusting sometimes. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m NOT sorry that that b!tc4 didn’t get the car though. <3

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I know people can be horrible, but you know your worth. That is the only thing that matters! She isn’t doing her daughter any favors by acting like that. Such a shame.

Wow, I can’t believe someone actually did that — and so passively, too. That is completely uncalled for and just a sign of a terrible human being. I think it’s hilarious that the family didn’t pass the credit check, lol.

omg! I can’t believe what i just read! It made me so infuriated! Karma or not someone should have told this woman off, so despicable, so ugly! I am so sorry you went through this, shaming and judging people are wrong, period!

oh my god, I’m so sorry that happened to you! it’s so horrible how hurtful people can be. I hope you take peace in knowing that karma bit her right back and will keep catching up to her as she continues to spread hate and negativity. I’m so sorry it happened to you and I hope it doesn’t stop you from loving yourself ❤️

This made me so so angry! I know 100% that karma would have handled it and you’re so lucky that you got to witness it. YASS!!!! Take comfort in the fact that YOU are raising a lovely little angel and karma also passes on the blessings to her. That other family will all get what they deserve. There is no place for hate on this planet!

Sweetheart, please, don’t suffer for this. I know it hurt, but that lady (if she can be called that, given her behaviour) is wrong, she’s disturbed and there is a big problem with HER not with you. She’s got the problem. not you.

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Hello and welcome to the 3 Little Buttons blog. My name is Annette, I am mum to Little Button and wife to Daddy Button. Join us on our adventures, mishaps and everything in-between. Stick your feet up and enjoy x