Black Cop in Canada: It's My Life

Standing in front of his locker, Ottawa Police Service constable Stephen Jean Guillot read the words "No Negro Faggots On The Ottawa Police Force" and sighed. Squaring his massive shoulders, the young Black man turned to look at the other police officers in the locker room, white men one and all. Glaring at them, he spoke loud and clear as he demanded to know which one among them posted the hateful note on his locker. The lineup of white guys in police uniforms smirked, and shrugged. Shaking his head, Stephen stormed out of the locker. He went straight to the sergeant's office. There was only so much one man could put up with...He was going to file a complaint.

When his shift ended, Stephen put his uniform and gun in his gym bag and walked out of the police station. He caught the number fourteen bus heading to Saint Laurent Mall near Rideau Street, and rode it till it got to the east end. Once the bus neared Vanier, he got off. Silently he walked two blocks until he reached his apartment near the park. As he walked through the park, he ran into his neighbor Francis Adewale, an old Nigerian man he knew from his school days. Francis used to be a janitor at Carleton University, back when Stephen was still there doing his undergraduate work in criminology. Hard to believe that it had only been a year and two months ago since he graduated with his bachelor's degree from Canada's capital university and was worried about getting a job and paying back OSAP, the government-run student loan agency.

Stephen nodded absentmindedly at Francis. Tonight he REALLY didn't feel like chatting. Francis was a real chatterbox most of the time. Most of the time, Stephen didn't mind indulging him. He was full of charm and unsolicited good advice on most days. Stephen went home, and crashed in his bed five minutes later. He just kicked off his boots, threw his bag aside and collapsed on the king-sized bed. It wasn't that long ago that he felt like he had the world on a string. A year ago, he was dating a gorgeous young Jamaican woman named Anita Thompson, he had his degree in hand and he was looking for work. He'd gotten through training at the police college and was shopping his resume to police agencies across the vastness of Ontario and beyond. He'd begun to despair when eight months went by without a single positive reply from any of the agencies he contacted. The Toronto police service didn't want him, neither did the Ontario provincial police. The Hamilton police service felt he was too inexperienced. Stephen laughed out loud while reading their rejection letter. How was he supposed to get any experience if no police service would hire him?

Yeah, Stephen thought he was going to keep working as a security guard for the rest of his days...until the Ottawa police service sent him a letter with the magical words "you're hired" written at the bottom of it, with the signature of the human resources personnel director. Elated, he shared the news with his girlfriend and family, and they all cheered him on. At last Stephen realized his dream of becoming a police officer. Ever since his parents moved to the Confederation of Canada from the island of Haiti in the summer of 1999, being a police officer was Stephen's only aspiration. On March 4, 2012, at the age of twenty five, he officially put on his police uniform for the first time. A week later, he proposed to Anita Thompson, his girlfriend of two years, while the two of them dined inside East Side Mario's restaurant at the Saint Laurent Mall. Anita's resounding yes filled the restaurant, and she threw herself in his arms, kissing him passionately.

Yeah, everything seemed to be going alright for Stephen Jean Guillot for the first time in his life. His parents, Lucas and Genevieve Guillot came to Canada as refugees in 1999. The process of adapting to a new country, finding employment and acquiring citizenship was long and slow for the Guillot family. It wasn't until 2006 that Stephen became a Canadian citizen. Six years later, he was a police officer in the capital of Canada. His dream job was his at last. The sacrifices which his parents made were worth it. After years of working menial jobs, his mom and dad opened a Haitian restaurant, Maison Guillot, in the City of Gatineau, right next to the border separating the provinces of Ontario and Quebec. Owning their own business and becoming their own boss thrilled his parents. Stephen was happy for them. His dream wasn't the only one that was realized in the year 2012. Yeah, life was good.

If only things were as good as they seemed. Stephen had much to be thankful for. Every Sunday he went to All Nations, a pan-African church located not too far from the Innes area of Ottawa. Francis attended the church, along with his French Canadian wife Doris Tremblay and their daughter Catherine. Every Sunday, Stephen prayed for the same thing. He asked the Lord Jesus Christ to take away the forbidden sexual feelings he had. Although he felt attracted to women, occasionally sexual feelings for men crept into his awareness. A devout Christian from a conservative family, Stephen wasn't sure how to handle this new side of himself. He decided to repress it. There was no room in his life for queerness. Besides, he regularly had sex with Anita Thompson, his big-booty Jamaican girlfriend. He loved pussy, and he had no problem eating her out and fucking her real hard. Therefore he couldn't be a homo. Maybe his sexual feelings for men were just a phase. Stephen decided to focus on his job, his girlfriend and his family, and put everything else aside, including that facet of himself which plagued his subconscious.

Stephen found himself thinking a lot about his sexual identity. When he went online and looked at porn, he still found himself aroused by straight porn sites like Blacks Gone Mad, Real Black Anal and others, but truth be told, gay and bisexual porn sites like Thug Hunter and Bi MaXXX also turned him on. Shemale/transsexual porn also aroused him, and in spite of his better judgement, he became addicted to one of them, the aptly named Big Dick Bitch. Little by little, he came to accept the fact that he was bisexual. He decided to tell Anita Thompson, the young woman he wanted to share his life with. Stephen met the six-foot-tall, curvy and big-bottomed Jamaican-born diva from Toronto while visiting his friend Henry at Algonquin College. Henry was throwing one of his infamous parties, and half the campus showed up. Henry was the one who introduced the normally shy Stephen to the wild, outgoing Caribbean vixen who was destined to change his life. Sparks flew between Stephen and Anita that night, and the rest, as they say, was history.

Stephen gathered his courage, and finally sat Anita down to have a little chat. He told her the truth. His truth. He was in love with her, he was sexually attracted to her, he enjoyed sex with her, but he was still bisexual. He was occasionally attracted to men. No, he hadn't had sex with a man yet. He'd only been with women so far. Stephen tried to make it clear to Anita that he wanted to be with her and only her. He didn't want her to feel alarmed or frightened. She sat there and stared at him blankly, frozen as if she'd become a statue. Stephen looked at her, and asked her if everything was alright. Gently he touched her hand. He shouldn't have been so blunt with her, he chastised himself inwardly. When he touched her, Anita shrank back as if she'd been hit. She spat on him, called him a faggot and stormed out of the same restaurant where he proposed to her, months before. Stephen sat there, crestfallen, wondering how things could have gotten so fucked up so quickly. It was a long time before he got the courage to walk out of the restaurant. On wobbly legs he got into a cab, which the waitress called for him, feeling a bit sorry for the handsome man whose girlfriend just treated him like garbage. What a day!

Stephen Jean Guillot was about to find out that when it came to certain people, honesty wasn't always the best policy. Anita Thompson made it her mission in life to expose him to as many people as possible. First she removed him from her Facebook, then she broadcast on YouTube, Facebook and Twitter that she was terminating her engagement to Stephen, the two-faced switch-hitter and closet case. She told his parents, and they called him to discuss his "lifestyle". Stephen still shuddered when he thought of the condemnations they heaped upon him in that unforgettable telephone conversation. He listened to it, at first feeling sad then angry. He told them he didn't need them in his life, then slammed the phone. He hadn't spoken to his relatives or his former fiancée since that day. He cut all ties with the people who mattered most to him because they hated him for being himself. He focused on his career instead, since that was the only thing he had left living for. Until this afternoon, it had been enough. Until he saw that hateful note. Sighing, Stephen said a silent prayer to God, then went to sleep. Tomorrow is another day, he told himself. Live to fight another day.