Jessica Simpson’s Going to be on TV Soon, Y’all!

Katie [Couric] will premiere on September 10 with Jessica, who will talk about how she’s losing the 70 pounds she gained during pregnancy through her job as a Weight Watchers spokeswoman.

Her daughter, Maxwell Drew Johnson, was born on May 1, and she’ll open up to the veteran TV host about what life has been like since she arrived and how she’s juggling motherhood and still running her billion dollar fashion empire.

So I guess Jess must have gone and lost all that weight by now, right? Because I just couldn’t imagine the slave-driving execs at Weight Watchers allowing Jess to appear on national television with absolutely any of the baby weight left on girlfriend’s poor body.

I know, in the past, that we talked about how Weight Watchers just doesn’t even care about what Jess does (and they’ll still pay her the seven-figure contract amount, too, right?), but let’s be real. I’d place bets that it’s been WW who hasn’t allowed Jess to truly be photographed in public over the last few months. Who else would be behind that? It’s not like Jess herself cared about the negative things people said about her, or hid from the public in the past.

In any case, I’m positive that Jess is going to be just beautiful and glowing and sweet—and above all, HAPPY—and all of this “OMG 70 POUND WEIGHT GAIN!” business is just going to fall by the wayside, and hopefully those who condemned her for something that wasn’t their business to begin with (I know; me, up on the soapbox about judging people, but seriously—even I have boundaries, guys) will realize how silly they’d been acting this entire damn time.

“….JIGGLING motherhood and (being the face of) a billion dollar empire.” My version of that quote is far more accurate. I’m sure she’s lost some weight or Weight Watchers wouldn’t let her near a t.v. taping. The rest of it? Titanium Spanx. Look at Meagan Fox and Reese Witherspoon: they are pregnant and pretty, not repulsive and sloppy. I’m sorry you’re upset with us haters, but Jessica Simpson gives A LOT of reasons to be hated on that have nothing to do with weight. I’ll even go you one better (or worse): Since most of her weight gain was slutty brownies and other assorted junk food nightmares, I hope she has one hell of a hard time sweating off those pounds! Serves her right.