The gig's up, homos — Republicans in Illinois are on to your bullshit. They know that all these pinko attempts to strengthen anti-bullying rules are all just part of the gay agenda, an attempt to actually keep the Christian kids down by stripping them of their god-given right to inform all the sissies and limp-wrists of the world that they can take their pink glittery passports and head straight to hell, because they're a dirty abomination in the eyes of the Lord. That's why today the Illinois Senate narrowly rejected a measure that would have required schools to get serious about fighting bullying.

I'm serious. A legislative body actually went to bat in favor of bullies.

What seemed like a slam dunk for the forces of Not Being An Asshole To Each Other was derailed by pressure from conservative and Christian groups in the Land of Lincoln today, as a law that would have compelled schools to spell out specific anti-bullying rules and note in their codes of conduct that bullying was against the law was defeated by a single vote. Opponents of the law claimed that it wasn't actually an anti-bullying law at all, but rather a rule forcing kids to embrace homosexuality. The Illinois Family Institute ("family," again, is code for "rally 'round the heterosexual penis") suggested that schools have an "opt out" provision that would have allowed religious kids to justify acting like little Romneys to other kids by saying that their religion compels it.

Proponents of the law say that an "opt out" provision is ridiculous, as is the notion that the law would have forced all kids to turn gay. The bill suggested no specific curriculum, nor did it dictate that the school inform the children that they were required to embrace all lifestyles in body, mind, and spirit. It was just a set of guidelines designed to protect kids who were getting picked on, for any reason.

If Christians are so concerned with promoting homosexuality, they should stop running around telling everyone how good it feels to have Christ inside them.

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Soooo, have you thought about keeping this in a txt file somewhere to bust out as necessary? Or... maybe make it a post so the rest of us can link to it as it's needed? Because you wrote this wonderfully.