1. A hiccup in your LAN causes your email server to take 3 seconds to switch folders, rather than the usual 2.Irritated by the delay, you stand, and spin-kick your monitor into the next cubicle.

2. Another member of the household awakens, and catches you vocalizing elaborate comedic conversations to yourself, involving several characters, with funny voices/accents.

3. You are pulled over for speeding on the way to work.You roll down the window, and while tapping frantically atop your steering wheel, you say to the officer, "writetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticket...."When this does not prompt his pencil to begin moving as fast as you'd like, you pull a cat'o'nine tails out of the glove compartment, and begin lashing him.

4. Halfway to the other room, you stop in mid-frenzied-rush, having forgotten what you'd started to go do.While thus paused, you note that you are standing on the wall, at chest height.

5. You nick your skin while shaving, and bleed out.

6. Your wife tells you that you are out of bacon, and you punch her in the eye.

7. The guy in front of you takes too long pulling out when the light turns green, so you get out, tuck your car under your arm, and end-run around him, shooting the 'raised-eyebrow sneer' into his window as you theatrically jog past.

8. You find that someone has taken your parking place, and suffer a massive embolism.

9. You begin answering the professor's questions before she asks them.

10. You are sprinting through the aisles at the grocery, scooping things off the shelves into your cart, and a "10" member of the opposite sex says to you as you pass, "Hey, baby, let's fuck like animals.""NO TIME!", you toss over your shoulder as you race toward the checkout....Two hours later, at home, as you are furiously stabbing the "channel up" button on the remote for the 7700th time, you suddenly stop, wide eyed, and go, "D'oh!"

• Physical intimacy in and out of bed• Monogamy until/unless jointly decided otherwise• Paying for at least 30% of outings• High scores in cuddling/spooning• Emotional stability (more or less)• Tolerance for tobacco, facial hair, and body hair• IQ of at least 115• Love of the written word• Lack of belief in a higher power, astrology, tarot cards, the knowability of ultimate truth• No children and no desire to have them at this time• Refusal to vote Republican• Support of gay marriage (and not just civil unions)• Tolerance of those who are different from them• Excellent communication skills• Self confidence• Enjoyment of evenings at home• Height/weight proportionate (or a reasonable facsimile thereof)

Higher preference given to those with one or more of the following traits:• Minor kinks/fetishes• Non-drinker or moderate drinker• Brunette and petite with some goth tendencies• Redhead with green eyes, yummy curves, and pale skin• Sexy accent (and any hair color)• Visible ethnicity• Eclectic taste in music (bonus points for owning anything by The Arrogant Worms)• Owning handcuffs, daggers, and/or swords• Biologically incapable of having children• Bisexual with potential interest in a polyfidelity triad if a long term relationship were to evolve

“We are often hesitant to look at other faiths or to examine our own critically because we feel that, in doing so, we are being disloyal to our own deeply felt convictions. ... And yet our beliefs are not worth very much if they cannot stand up to any scrutiny.” -- James Livingston.

9. Appreciating metal. (check...so long as it is not music that you are speaking of)

10. Being Catholic or non-religious. (hardcore agnostic)

11. Being socially liberal and slightly socialist. (check and check...at least in the US...your terms may vary)

12. Not being afraid to commit statutory rape (if you are reading this Dragan, you know what I mean) (not afraid to commit it if the person is of a reasonably sound mind and mentally/emotionally mature enough to make the choice, only afraid of being caught by the authorities)

The thin line between genius and insanity is less of a border than a union.

"Science can purify religion from error and superstition; religion can purify science from idolatry and false absolutes. Each can draw the other into a wider world, a world in which both can flourish."--Pope John Paul II

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.-Albert Einstein

The thin line between genius and insanity is less of a border than a union.

"Science can purify religion from error and superstition; religion can purify science from idolatry and false absolutes. Each can draw the other into a wider world, a world in which both can flourish."--Pope John Paul II

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.-Albert Einstein

The thin line between genius and insanity is less of a border than a union.

"Science can purify religion from error and superstition; religion can purify science from idolatry and false absolutes. Each can draw the other into a wider world, a world in which both can flourish."--Pope John Paul II

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.-Albert Einstein

If only 'twere true. I had both with my former wife. But strong differences in preferences for future life plans caused us to decide that a divorce was necessary. It was not an easy decision, but it was the only one we could make without causing one of us to give up what we wanted (and it was an area where compromise was quite literally impossible...mutually exclusive desires).