(Closed) Bridesmaid with a situation.

I was really excited when I was asked to be a brdesmaid in my brother’s wedding here in about a month. I just recently found out that I am not invited to the bachelorette party though. Actually it’s more like I found out about the bachelorette party and I don’t think I was supposed to. I know that the bachelorette party is for the bride, and anything she says goes, but I’m hurt that she has apparently said I’m not to be invited. Granted, being underage does present a bit of a problem, but I never thought she would completely leave me out, and do all the plans that bridesmaids are supposed to do together behind my back. My brother is the one who even mentioned that a date had been set for the party, and that was only because it conflicted with a shower my aunt wanted to throw for the bride, followed by a very blunt “you’re not invited.” No one else from the bridal party has even tried to contact me except to ask for money and an appetizer for a shower I’m not even able to attend. I’m at a bit of a loss here. I have no idea what I should do. I dont want to go making a mess with the bride or anyone else and I dont plan to. I’m probably being selfish, but I’m not the happiest person about it. I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on what to do?

To Add: I AM old eough to do everything theyre planning on doing except consume alochol. I CAN get into bars, and I do drink at home, sometimes with the bride. I’m simply not invited.

I imagine it is because you’re underage and for no other reason. However, it is a shame the bride decided not to speak to you about it. I understand why you’re upset, but I doubt that was the intention, she probably just didn’t know what to say because you’re underage. If she wants to go bar-hopping on her night then that’s her choice really.

As for the shower, I’m not really “with” US tradition but it seems off to ask you to contribute to something you can’t even attend (especially the appetizer, how are you supposed to get that there?) I’m sure other bees can give more insight.

you certainly shouldn’t have to pay for a shower you can’t go to, i think the reason you were left out of the bachelorette party was because you are underage, not for any mean reason. “planning around my age”, it is her bachelorette party, she should NOT have to miss out on having her dream party because of your age. if she wants to go bar hopping that is her decision, she shouldn’t have to miss out on that because you aren’t able to go. if you couldn’t go to the wedding for some reason would you expect her to change her plans for you too? sorry just this sort of thing gets me riled up

The Bridal shower is that what you have to bring the ap for? Well you can still go to the bridal shower with out going to the bachelorette party!

I do think it was rude for no one to tell you about it BUT my little sister will be just 4 months shy of 21 for my bachelorette and I am not changing what I want to do just because she cant go…

She only gets one bachelorette party and I don’t think it is fair that you want her to change what she wants because you are too young to be a part of it… I think you need to take a step back and realize this is her “Last night of freedom” and she should be allowed to do what she wants!

No, I wouldnt expect her to change that, nor did I honeslty excpect her to “plan around my age.” To clarify the post, I’m upset I’m being left out. I have been involved in absolutely nothing with this wedding. To go bar-hopping here, you have to be 18, and I am 19. I’m just plain being ditched. I’m old enough to do everything they’re planning to do except consume alcohol.

but I thought maybe she would consider planning around my age rather than setting her mind on going bar-hopping, completely leaving me out, and doing all the plans that bridesmaids are supposed to do together behind my back.

Which is a tad bit unreasonable. I completley understand feeling left out it not always fun. I am sure the only reason you are being left behind is your age. Maybe no one wanted to mention it to you in fear that your feelings would be hurt.

Where do you live that you can bar hop before being legally able to drink?

I see that you edited your post but you wrote this quoted exactly from your post (but you edited it out

“but I thought maybe she would consider planning around my age rather than setting her mind on going bar-hopping”

The way you made it sound was that you cant go at all because of your age? Do the clubs you can get in even serve alochol? The places around here that a 19 year old can get in are full of teenagers and do not serve alochol… If that is the case I understand why she wouldnt want to go to those places…

Yeah I think the bride is being rude and inconsiderate but maybe she thinks she is going to do something she will regret/not want her Fiance to find out about and hence you are not invited! Are there any other memebrs of the grooms side invited?

I would talk to the bride- just because she is a bride and planning a wedding doesn’t give her the right to be rude.

@j_jaye: no. I’m the only part of the my family, other than my mom, who is close to the bride.

@MsPanda: Yes, that’s all they do. Some of them make you wear a pin that says “underage.” In most of the bars underagers get escorted to the bartender to be told specifically who is to not be served alcohol as well. Honestly I don’t know how they keep it all straight, but I always follow the rules when I’m there.

There’s no reason you should be excluded from any of it, as at least they could include you in the batchelorette before they go out bar hopping anyway. Aren’t they planning on eating anything first? You could at least attend that part and then make your exit.

As far as the shower goes, why on earth are they expecting you to chip in, provide an appetizer and not even attend it? Can you check with whoever is actually hosting it and find out? How soon are all these things?

Why did she ask you to be in the bridal party anyway? Do you two have any kind of a relationship at all?