Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie Transcript

Contents

(The film opens as the camera goes through Calvin's house up to Calvin's room, as it shows Calvin and Hobbes waking up and going through their morning routine on a summer day in June, while P.A.R.T.Y. by Smosh plays. Calvin finishes eating breakfast.)

Calvin:Man,nothing beats eating heart stopping cereal on a nice summer day in June. Hobbes,what do you say about a wagon ride?

Hobbes:That would be alright,as long as you don't kill us like every other time.

Calvin:Whatever. (pulls wagon out of the garage.) Alright,to the top of Sneer Hill! Ready,Hobbes?

Hobbes:No.

Calvin:WHAT?

Hobbes:I said,Oh,joy! I'm excited! Let's get to it!

(Neither of them notice 5 worms sneaking into the garage,by a car tire.)

Worm 2:OK,we have successfully made it to Calvin's house. Now what?

Worm 5:My guess is...LOOK OUT!

(The worms dodge out of the way as Mr. Grayson backs his car up.)

Mr. Grayson: Why did I hear someone yell "look out"? And why are there 5 worms in the garage? Must be crazy,or I had a fourth cup of coffee.

(The worms see Mr. Grayson leaving the street.)

Worm 6:Well,that stunk.

Worm 4:I nearly got run over!

Worm 2:OK,SHUT UP! We need to find the duplicator and turn ourselves into humans again.

Worm 3:We'll need to sneak in undetected. Can we do that?

Worm 2:Of course we can. We're worms.

(They crawl into Calvin's room,unnoticed by Mrs. Grayson who is fixing up lunch.)

Worm 3:Great! We made it.

Worm 5:I know Calvin keeps his Transmogrifier in his closet. 6,can you press the button to turn the rest of us into humans?

Worm 6:I guess,but what about me?

Worm 5:We'll turn you into a human.

(The worms,except 6,crawl under the Transmogrifier.)

Worm 2:Alright,6. Ready?

Worm 6:Ready.

(Worm 6 presses the button and Duplicates 2,3,4,and 5 walk out.)

Worm 6:Now do me.

Duplicate 4:On it.

(Duplicate 4 presses the button and Duplicate 6 comes out.)

Duplicate 6:Thanks,4.

Duplicate 4:No prob.

Duplicate 3:Alright,now everyone's here,let's kill Calvin!

Duplicate 2:Hold it,3,we can't do this alone. We need someone to help with our plan.

(They crash into Wrigley Field,brushing themselves off. The two duplicates are very mad.)

Calvin:Well,looks like these two are in for a good fist fight. Ready to kick some Duplicate,Hobbes?

Hobbes;Yeah. You know it.

Calvin:Alright. I'll take 5. You take 3.

Hobbes:Ready.

Calvin:But first,some music.

(Calvin takes out a radio and puts in Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria. The music starts to play.)

Calvin:FIGHT!!

Duplicate 5:FIGHT!!

(The fight begins. Hobbes punches Duplicate 3 into the pitcher's mound. Duplicate 5 and Calvin are rolling around at home plate when Duplicate 3 bumps into 5,causing Calvin and Duplicate 5 to fall into the stands. Hobbes pounces,but Duplicate 3 ducks,causing Hobbes to tear up right field. Calvin runs up the steps from Duplicate 5 and hides in a concession stand. Duplicate 5 spots him. Calvin starts pelting him with hotdogs and sprays Orange Crush in his face. Duplicate 5 retaliates by throwing a baseball at his stomach,resulting Calvin to grab Duplicate 5 as he is falling. They both tumble into the dugout. Hobbes catches Duplicate 3 on the third level. He leaps up,chases Duplicate 3,and tackles him. They fall onto the field. Hobbes lands safely,but Duplicate 3 lands on Duplicate 5. Hobbes meets up with Calvin.)

Hobbes:Sweet fight,eh?

Calvin:Yeah! I creamed him with hot dogs and sprayed Orange Crush in his face!

Hobbes:Well,I chased him around the third level and tackled him right on Duplicate 5!

Calvin:No,Hobbes,we will not let those duplicates destroy the world,right?

Hobbes:I see a car.

Calvin:That's no excuse,and don't argue with me. The point is...

(Calvin sees the Ferrari used in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.)

Calvin:Whoa,sweet ride! Let's hop in!

Hobbes:We shouldn't,Calvin. It's a valuable piece of movie...

(Calvin starts up the car.)

Hobbes:Merchandise.

(Hobbes sighs and gets in the car.)

Calvin: (Puts on sunglasses and Ferrari Cap) Lets get those dupes. (Puts car in drive and speeds off)

(Shows Calvin and Hobbes travelling across the country to Las Vegas, while getting into police chases and other chaos in the process while Fast Lane by Bad Meets Evil plays)

Calvin: WAHOO! This thing is fast!

Hobbes:You can't drive! What if the car explodes?

Calvin:Nonsense! They're going to Las Vegas! We'll get there in no time! Get on navigation!

Hobbes:OK.

(Hobbes sees the box.)

Hobbes:I see them! Go faster!

Calvin:No prob!

(Calvin and Hobbes see the exit for Las Vegas.)

Hobbes:There it is! Turn left!

(Calvin turns left,following the box.)

Hobbes:Wow...this landscape is awesome!

Calvin:Can I see?

Hobbes:Sure.

(Calvin and Hobbes see Las Vegas's lights and are amazed.)

Calvin:Cool...

Hobbes:Awesome.

(Calvin fails to steer.)

Hobbes:LOOK OUT!

Calvin: AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

(They survive and get into the city. It's a heated chase all around the city. Calvin sees they are under the box.)

Calvin:Hobbes! Hoist me up to the box!

Hobbes:OK,but if you fail,it's been an honor being your friend.

(Hobbes hoists Calvin up to the box. He grabs the side. Hobbes realizes without a driver,the car will crash. So he takes control of steering. With the extra weight,the box crashes into a casino. Hobbes decides to take a risk and drive through the glass doors of the casino,parking at the slot machine the box crashed at.)

Calvin:There you are,Hobbes. Look at what you've done!

Hobbes:I'm sorry,Calvin,I know I said this was a valuable piece of movie merchandise,but I forgot.

Calvin:You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Hobbes:The dupes escaped again.

Calvin:What?

Hobbes:But they left our box back to us.

Calvin:Good. Now we can get around more easily. It's getting late. We should find a place to stay.

Hobbes:Sure.

Calvin:I have 20 dollars here. Let's duplicate it and find a hotel.

Hobbes:Sounds good.

Calvin:How about there?(points to Viva Town Luxury Hotel.)

Hobbes:How will you afford a room there?

Calvin:I told you I will duplicate a 20 dollar bill I have.

(Calvin duplicates the 20 dollar bill into ten thousand dollars. Then they walk into the hotel.)

Calvin:Excuse me,where's the lobby?

Man:Down the hall and to the right.

Calvin:Thanks.

(They walk to the front desk. The concierge is on the phone.)

Concierge: Yes,sir,you're room will be available by next week. Please hold,I have a customer.

(The concierge looks down and sees Calvin and Hobbes)

Concierge: Why,hello there. Welcome to the Viva Town Luxury Hotel. How long will you stay here?

Calvin:One night's enough here.

Concierge: Excellent. You are in room 1329. That will be $8000.

(Calvin hands the concierge 80 $100 bills.)

Calvin:Keep the change.

(The concierge eyes him strangely.)

Concierge: Kid,aren't you a little young to be here at a luxury hotel like this one alone?

Calvin:No,you see,my parents are very rich,and they think I should travel the world alone. I've been all over the world. I've been to Finland,Paris,Italy,Los Angeles,Seattle(which is very rainy,by the way),Tokyo,Orlando...

Concierge: Enough! Please. I have a job to do,kid. Here's your room key,have a nice stay.

Mr.Grayson:Boy,what a day. Barry was furious. Luckily,I have his documents. What's wrong,honey?

Mrs.Grayson:Calvin won't come down. In fact,I have not seen him all day.

Mr.Grayson:Weird. I heard a wrecking ball smashing buildings during my call with Barry.

Mrs.Grayson:Yeah,that is weird. That wrecking ball destroyed the RISD Museum. Calvin would've been proud. But it looked like Calvin had wrecked it,but then I saw another Calvin running from the wrecking ball.

Mr.Grayson:What? OK,that's just peculiar. We'll keep a sharp lookout.

(Meanwhile,at the hotel,Calvin and Hobbes have entered their room.)

Hobbes:Wow...

Calvin:Dibs on the bed closest to the TV!

(They both settle in. During the night,they rent Sausage Party,gaze at the lights of Las Vegas,call up room service,eat out of the mini-fridge,get full on Coke,and jump on the beds,as The Real Party Song by Smosh plays. The next morning,police cars surround the Viva Town Luxury Hotel. Two cops enter,pointing their guns.)

(Meanwhile,Calvin and Hobbes are unconscious on the floor. Then they wake up.)

Calvin:How about we watch some TV after that wild night last night?

Hobbes:Sure.

(They switch on the TV,for it to be on breaking news.)

News Anchor:This just in! Several Las Vegas casinos have been robbed by a spiky-haired boy with a red striped t-shirt. Police have surrounded the Viva Town Luxury Hotel,with reports sayng that is where the kid is staying.

Calvin:Hold up a minute,that's not me!

Hobbes:That's Duplicate 4.

Calvin:We gotta stop him.

(They exit their room,run to the elevator,and push the button for the lobby. As the door opens,the cops notice him.)

Cop 1:Hey,there he is! Keep good distance from the convict!

Concierge: Wait,I let a convict into my hotel?

Cop 2:Seems like it.

Consierge:I am outraged. Just outraged.

(The intro for Mall Cop by Smosh begins to play.)

Calvin:Well,I'd not say this to a cop,but...I gotta run!

Cop 1:He's getting away!

Cop 2:Not for long.

(The casino chase begins. Calvin runs by a slot machine,pulling the lever,and he gets 3 treasure chests. It spills coins on the floor. The two cops slip on them,and they fall. Hobbes leaps over a pool table with Cop 1.)

Cop 1: Get back here you stupid tiger! Or whatever you are, uh, a guy in a tiger suit? I don't know let me just catch you.

Hobbes: (Sees a bar, goes and grabs a bottle of wine and throws it at Cop 1.) Take that! That's what you get for insulting me!

Cop 2: You won't get away with this you little punk! I've caught so many idiots like you before! And I'll, uh. (Realizes that Calvin is gone) Drats! Now what?

(Cuts to Duplicate 4 hauling some cash into the Ferrari)

Duplicate 4: Heh! Heh! Heh! That was easy! Now to get back to Moe and.. (Calvin comes crashing out the window.)

Calvin: Ugh, I think I got away from them. (Notices Duplicate 4) You!

Duplicate 4: What? What did I do?

Calvin: You moron! I'm going to tear you limb from limb! You caused me and Hobbes to get chased around 3 casinos by these two dimwitted cops thanks to you robbing the casinos!

Duplicate 4: And how is that my problem?

Calvin: Well uh....

(Hobbes comes crashing through a window)

Hobbes: Sorry, I had to get a shrimp cocktail before we left.

Duplicate 4: Great, now the tiger as well

(Both cops crash through a window)

Cop 1: Alright! We got them! This is a- Wait a second, there's two of you?

Cop 2: Okay now I'm just really confused.

Duplicate 4: Ok well, I'm out of here. Later suckers! (Drives off)

Calvin: Hobbes quick! Let's get out of here ourselves!

(They hop in the box and take off)

Cop 1: Now what? They both got away!

Cop 2: Simple. We go after them both.

(The cops get in the police car and start chasing after them. Chase begins, with Duplicate 4 swerving all over avoiding the police, and avoids Calvin and Hobbes' attempts to stop him. Eventually the police catch up to Duplicate 4, but he shoves the cops into a ditch.)

Cop 1: Well, they got away.

Cop 2: Not for long, here, come help me get the car out of the ditch!

(Cuts back to Calvin and Hobbes)

Hobbes: Calvin?

Calvin: Ya?

Hobbes: Don't you think it's getting kind of cold?

Calvin: Well now that you mention it I guess, I don't know why.

(Cuts to show Calvin and Hobbes in a snowy landscape)

Hobbes: Well that explains it.

Calvin: Look! There's The Dupe! He's filling up on gas! Let's get him while we have the chance!

(Shows Duplicate 4 filling up the car with gas, then gets attacked by Calvin and Hobbes)

(Snow Goons come in the distance and start attacking Calvin and Hobbes.)

Calvin:Well,If it isn't my old nemesis's. The snow goons!

Hobbes:Let's fight them.

Calvin:Alright.

Hobbes:Wait,no fight music this time?

Calvin:Nah. Coheed and Cambria is enough.

Hobbes:Fine.

(Calvin lunges for a snow goon and goes right through it. The snow goon collapses. Hobbes punches a snow goon in the face,causing the head to fly off. Calvin notices Duplicate 4 is controlling the snow goons.)

Calvin:Hobbes!

Hobbes:Not now,Calvin,I'm trying to rip a snow brain out of this guy.

(Calvin rolls his eyes. He then rips out the heart of another snow goon. He then gets an idea. He pulls the bottom of the snow goon off of him and hurls it at Duplicate 4. Duplicate 4 collapses to the ground with the snow goons collapsing as well.)

Hobbes:What was that?

Calvin:I noticed that Duplicate 4 was controlling the snow goons so I heaved a snowball at him,and that mad him lose control of the snow goons.

Hobbes:Interesting...

Calvin:Look! A device he was using! Alright,4,(picks up GPS) what is this?