(Closed) My life coach hasn't called back, advice please

This is the asked for question stemming from the first world problem thread. Here it goes:

Thanks for the concern. It is actually not a really big issue. We have a life coach who helps us organize our life, parent more affectively, converse more deeply, plan, etc. We have literally changed the way we organize, schedule, eat, clean, cook, blah blah blah in just the last 6 months. I am about changed out. I really value the security of the familiar, so you can imagine that this has been a stretching experience for me. I have noticed myself becoming very uncompromising and stubborn the last couple of weeks and I realized today that all the changes have me feeling a bit insecure. I would like to apologize first of all to my husband for turning into a crazy ridged non-compromiser and ask him if we can shift to focusing on issues from his childhood that are painful to him. I know he knows we have to talk about it in coaching eventually but has been dreading it, but I need him to do this so I can have a bit of same-ness.

How do I explain that he needs to jump into something he is not looking forward to and make him understand that I need to digest some of the change while the focus is on him? I feel bad asking him to do this now, especially as I have been very rigid and uncompromising lately and he might not be feeling exactly ready to “take one for the team” after how stressful I have been recently.

What if you presented it upfront as you needing to slow down on the changes for the moment. Apologize for not being as compromising as you would like, but acknowledge to him that you just need a moments pause as far as changing anything else.

Then you can make it more of a choice “either we can slow down on the coaching for the moment OR we can use this breathing time as the needed space to explore some other things we may have been putting off.” And let the conversation go from there. That way it’s not so much “we need to do this” but rather “let’s make a decision together about where to go from here”.

I thought about this, and I hope you don’t mind, but I asked Darling Husband, since I thought some male perspective might be good.

He said you were right in starting off with an apology, that it should be an “I’m sorry, and this is why I’m sorry”.

Then, he suggested that you just ask your husband for the help. If you say something like “I’m having a hard time coping with all of the change, so it would really help me if we could shift focus to some stuff from your childhood so I can have some time to play catch-up.”

He said if there was the apology, and then the request for help, that would be the best way to approach HIM. Of course you know your Darling Husband best, but it sounds reasonable to me.

Wait. Is your life coach a therapist? Because this is something you need to discuss with someone who specializes in couples counseling, not on organizing your schedules.

Also, if you need to discuss this with a life coach, then you may need to look at a deeper problem that you may have. You should be able to be “uncoached” when talking to your spouse, especially if you have been married for awhile. Yes, it may be unpleasant and cause friction, but having things planned and coached is not going to help you actually listen to the conversation or react in the moment.

@ohmybears48: He is a relationship coach. He is actually relatively well known and a family friend so the level of trust is pretty high. I am capable of having this conversation without coaching but he is very good at pointing our potential pitfalls that could derail the conversation. We have had AMAZING conversations since starting coaching, and I have gotten spoiled by his ability to help us make life so smooth. This is why this started off in the first world problem thread. I am too spoiled to have this conversation without the coaching.

@MrsFuzzyFace: If your Darling Husband is unwilling, why not let your next session be about HOW to implement the things you’re having some trouble digesting and coping with? That way you aren’t covering any NEW ground to backlog your brain with, but you’re getting to deal with what you already have under your belt. Practice makes perfect, and if you haven’t perfected the skills he’s imparted you with, why not work at them a little?

@StuporDuck: Good points! I am just such a non-changer that all the changes (even though they are working well) are a lot to get used to. I think fleshing out the practicality of some of these things could only help with further implementation.