The Center for Disease Control (C.D.C.) reported a suspected
outbreak of the dreaded Girlie Man Syndrome in Northern Maryland.
It's epicenter seemed to be located near the town on Monkton,
approximately 7 miles from the Maryland-Pennsylvania line. This
G.M. Syndrome was last reported in Sacramento, California. That
outbreak seemed to be confined to the California State Legislature.
This current report marks the first East Coast foothold.

The report cites a possible shortening of a river trip to
due to certain arbitrary circumstances. It is reported that a
club member of the internationally known Conewago Canoe Club shortened
an already short trip to an incredibly short distance. This action
is one noted symptom of the Girlie Man Syndrome

A further investigation has revealed a trip was scheduled
on the Mighty Gunpowder Falls for that day to be led by a certain
Mike Boyd. Reached at his palatial estate in the city of York
Pa., a spokesman who would only identify himself as oconemike
said "maybe there was a trip and maybe there was some rain
and maybe the temperature was just a little over 40 degrees. But
it all depends on what your definition of short is!" In a
written statement faxed to our Paris office, oconemike declared
that " yeah, they took just took out sooner than expected.
They ran the Big Drop at the Ess Turn but there was no way they
were going the tackle the Raven Rocks Falls section without more
support. We categorically reject the speculation that these fine
boaters were suffering from any G.M. Syndrome. If you print any
such things, you'll be hearing from our lawyers, Hungadunger,
Hungadunger, Hungadunger and McCormick, probably the second Hungadunger.
" A second boater, a Mr. Bob Swank, was in isolation at his
compound outside of York. A Mystery Kayaker was unable to be located.

Reached at the international headquarters of Seneca Press
outside Bethesda Maryland, noted author and boating expert Ed
(Boulderbuster) Gertler said " Man, that just doesn't sound
like something anyone from Conewago would do. They have an unofficial
club motto of leaving early and staying late. Those cats are hard
core! They always get there early, hit the river hard and leave
late. These jokers definitely arrived late and left early. Sounds
more like those paddlers from that wine, cheese, and cell phone
crowd. most likely from New Jersey."

In a statement issued from it's Atlanta headquarters, C.D.C.
spokesman Dr. Vin E. Boombaugh said, " We take this report
very seriously. What's next? Going for a weekend trip and only
paddling once? Staying in motels? Heaters in tents? Fleece instead
of flannel? We at the C.D.C. have prepared a list of possible
countermeasures in case the G.M. Syndrome becomes pandemic. Some
possibilities are the removal of all heaters and A/C. units from
vehicles, requiring all kayakers to fit into boats under 8 foot
2 inches (violators will be forced to C-boat for 3 months), a
return to wet suits, all supplied by an outfitter. The public
should not be concerned, as sources we have contacted assure us
they clean and disinfect each garment after every trip. If all
these measures fail, our fail-safe position is to serve heavy
brown gravy on every plate of French fries served in these United
States of America."