I’ve written about everything in my life; everything but this.This event has me speechless. And that’s hard to do.

I don’t feel comfortable(surprisingly) writing about anything that might hurt any of the parties involved; ANY of the parties. (Holy crap, have I finally learned how to use a semi-colon?)

I don’t know why.

Is there a right way to do this?No.

Is there a guide about how to end a marriage?No.

Do we all do things the same way?No.

I only know that no matter who chooses to finally right something that has been wrong for so long, those long tentacles of pain reach out and wrap themselves around many, many people.

I am trying to find a way to put words to all that is happening, but do it in a way that will be true to who I am.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to visit me, for your emails, your cards and your support.It has lifted me in ways I CAN’T TELL YOU and is helping me each and every day. And the funnies?Keep ‘em coming.I’m feeling the magic as we speak.

I can’t wait to find my voice again, to laugh out loud while writing, and to feel good about myself.

Now, I am going to settle into my new home, check the mousetraps, put a log on the fire and bury myself in a good book. Have a lovely new year, everyone.

You know I support you and will always be there to comfort or nag, as the case may be. And I hope you love my novel. (And no, that isn't how you use a semi-colon! Don't worry; we'll have a long talk about it some day.) Hugs.

I am happy that you have found a way to live your life so that you are true to yourself. I thought this was what was going on. I am sorry for the pain but without pain, we cannot grow!I hope 2011 brings you all you need. remember to take care of yourself.

You can't judge a person by their character when all is going right in their world. True character shines bright in the low points. I commend you for not only taking care of yourself, but doing your part in protecting the hearts of those you love in the process. No one said it would be easy or fast, but you will get through it and be able to be proud of your integrity on your journey.

That's the problem with some problems.. you have to fix them all by yourself. It helps to be sure of what you are doing and what you want and it is wonderful if you have support and a shoulder to cry on or just an ear to talk off ... This is good medium for that, you will find someone here, most hours of the day and night.. You know that there are plenty of shoulders and ears waiting to absorb some of the pain , loss, anger and eventually to hear and feel the beginnings of a lightness of being, small smiles turning into belly laughs. You will be quicker to smile, slower to dwell on the sad things .. it all just takes Time.So many have been through this, on every level of pain and sadness, let anyone who can, be your sounding board, a shoulder to cry on or just knowing they are there is sometimes good enough.And never forget that perfect strangers ( yes, I am perfect) care about you also and send nothing but good wishes and hopes for a happy future.muchas besos.. C

actually, everyone does do it the same way. there is an ex-husband handbook somewhere and even the best of guys somehow turn into assholes. your kids are a bit older than most of the people i've known going through this (and my own) so maybe you will not have to watch as this man that you at some point probably said would "never" do this or that, even in the worst of situations, turns into an unrecognizable, selfish, piece of...ahem, sorry. maybe i'm a bit biased. oh crap, i forgot that i'm not supposed to tell the truth about situations while people are going through them. like you shouldn't tell pregnant women that they are about to experience the WORST PAIN IMAGINABLE and that they're breasts will never be perky again! and that their adorable little newborns will grow horrible teenagers who roll their eyes and suck their teeth!and you shouldn't quote crash statistics to people about to fly. sorry. i've heard from time to time i lack....what is it? sounds like 'fact'.... you'd think i could remember because people tell me all the time. oh well. the other thing people don't tell you is that becoming independent after so long is so frightening that you might shit yourself. no, wait, that's childbirth.have fun in your new place ;)

I feel you Vodka and my heart goes out to you. Although my situation is different, going through something painful and personal and not feeling comfortable putting someone else's life and difficulties on the internet - well, it has dampened my writing mojo too.

xoxo

ps What you did put out here today was respectful, heartfelt, and candid.

It is hard to lose an outlet for the turmoil in your life, but I understand your need to edit this event carefully for the sake of those you love so much. Says a whole lot about the mom you are, a good one!

Most of the others already said the things I want to say. I'm sending you lots of love, and support. As someone who's been there, I understand how difficult this is for you. I applaud you for being so tactful and thoughtful to the others involved.

Sometimes it's just to do what you just did, "put it out there". It will help the healing process begin by the first step, "I'm going through a divorce". You got that much out, so you are on your way! Sadly, I think it takes awhile to be true to who you are. To much of "life" to figure that out yet. When you are in the middle of what you are going through, as I told you, nothing makes sense, nothing seems right and it does seem like the only thing you understand is the heartache. . .not only your own but to those around you. I promise you one thing, it DOES get better. I learned that after being married 22 years with three kids similiar to the ages of your kids, two girls, the youngest, my son when I went through a divorce. Just take it one day at a time, enjoy the laughter and accept the tears. You will be okay, really!

I'm sorry for all of the pain that you and your family are going through right now. These things are never easy for any party involved. Doing what you need to do for yourself, for healing- its so important right now. My thoughts are with your and your family. happy new year.

I know I often stay anonymous but that doesn't mean I don't think of you often and check your blog to see how you are doing. I had figured that this was going on which is never a nice thing to go through. I hope that everyone that is going through this change with you finds some peace. Take care my blog friend

Take flight, VM!! Virtual hugs & real prayers! I went through this as an adult child of a 24 year marriage that ended. It was very painful for all of us at first, but everyone is civil & agreeable now. We can even have family get-togethers with both parents & the steps. Let me know if you ever have questions about the do's & dont's from the child's perspective. Hang in there...we all support you!!

Nothing makes it easier, but you will pick yourself up and go on. That's what we do. Need something to be thankful for? Be thankful your kids are older. After 3 years of raising the kids without "him" I am now headed to court Jan. 5th to keep my kids home where they want to be; not uprooted because he all of a sudden has a conscience. I hope you and I both come out on the better end of things.

Don't make me come to Oregon and make you smile. Oh, wait. I am coming to Oregon. In January. I'll send you the dates, make sure I grab a weekend, and we'll have to meet for 1/2 day or so and have fun!

Well that sucks doesn't it? Hang in there, lady. It's a roller coaster and there are no rules or any method to the madness. It's an up and down ride that changes daily. But there is an end....and a moment where you finally step off the ride and get your feet back on solid ground.

Sometimes there just aren't words, or in the words and voice of Forrest Gump. . . "sometimes there are just not enough rocks!"I think you are doing amazing! I admire your courage! Hang in there, there are people around you can lean on and you know who those people are. So just lean. . .

I wondered when you would write about it. Why? Because it's always those fingers of fear clutching your throat that stop you---the fragments of the hope of finding all things right in the world that will stop you from having to go thru this; the thought that haunts you, "maybe it's me, maybe it's just me, maybe it's not him..." that stops you from speaking, because if you speak you have to follow thru with it, and what if what if what if....

So the breaking of silence is the next step; and like you wrote the other day, it's given you a lightness...and that is what you need to hang onto, because when we break the mold of all the things that we think are right and good and proper and which are supposed to be our security, our safety, our foundation, then the world is a scary place, and we doubt ourselves so much....but just hold onto the lightness you feel, and have faith in what you're doing. Because in the end, no matter how it turns out, no matter it's right, wrong, black, white, whatever, it's your path, it's your course, it's your choice, and you own it. It's that simple....

I did not write much about my divorce, despite being public about things that would seem so much more personal (mental illness beng one of 'em)...but that's just it, sugar - when it's YOU, it's easier than when it involves others...and their need for a voice, too, when you can only speak with YOURS and don't necessarily WANT to hear theirs, anyway.

There are still things I don't write about...not where the general public can read 'em, anyway. If you'd like a blog or two to dump into, e-mail me and I'll hook you up with a couple that're anonymous, where you can say what you need to as sweetly, crudely, quietly, vehemently, with as much grace and as litle style as you need.

Meanwhile, I wish you many blessings in your new home and with your new life...and joy on your new path, wherever it may lead you.

I never comment, but I always read... and I have been feeling that this was what was coming.

I've been there, and it IS hard. I wrote what I saw as the truth, because i had no other place to turn... I'm not sure if writing about it was good or not... it helped me and kept things in perspective for me -- the things I did right as well as wrong -- we do what we have to do.

Just don't let anyone drag you down... this process is hard enough on its own and we all seem to take on enough on our own that taking on the guilt from others who are NOT involved just makes it worse...

Remember to remember to take care of yourself. That is my best advice. Get enough sleep, remember to eat, find time for prayer (or just quiet time, if that's your thing), keep in touch with friends and family that you are safe with and can vent to a million times (and they still keep listening). Do silly fun things with your kids--they need that right now, and so do you--even if you don't feel like it--Get up & go. No matter what has happened in the past, you can definitely count on the fact that rarely anyone in this situation acts rationally, reasonably, or kindly (maybe not even you) and be sure to protect yours and your kids' interests, which I can imagine might be the last thing on your mind right now. I've been reading your blog for a while, and I believe you are a tolerant, patient, and lovely woman, but remember to take care of you--don't let anyone (ahem) take advantage of your kindness and sweet nature. Take it from someone who knows (and regrets giving up too much).It will seem like your heart won't heal, and I'll be the first person to admit when your heart breaks like that, it does re-mend, but not ever in the way it was formed before. You'll hurt for your kids, you'll agonize for them, and remember, children are resilient, and they're just as worried about you as you are them.I'm sending hugs---LOTS of them!!!! to you guys. I never thought I'd be at my office crying for someone I've never met, but you've made many of my days tolerable, and for that I can never thank you enough.Peace to you, sister. Lots of love too.~Aud

Don't forget to tip the waitress. I really DO live on tips....

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About Me

I am a teacher, a writer, and the mother of three children. I've decided I'll never give up. No matter how many battles I lose; no matter how many tears I shed; no matter how many martinis I have to drink, I will continue to fight the good fight! I love to laugh, believe that every day is a new day, and thank God each morning that I am still here.