NOTE: THIS PAGE HAS BEEN CRITIQUED. WORDS IN BRACKETS ARE ADDED BY CRITICS. ALSO, THE TEMPLATES ABOVE DO NOT WORK BECAUSE THEY WERE COPIED FROM UNCYCLOPEDIA.

Politics is the art of being wrong less often than the person who wrote this article. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood suckingparasites ( this is not funny - it is too old. Please try to be less G rated ). Politics means many blood thirsty parasites ( yes, you just said that ). Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation ( Because that happens a lot of the time ). There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet red liquor of the populace (No.). Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids ( did you really think that this would make anyone laugh? Even a forced smile would be a bit much ), whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will ( well, that's against the word Liberal. Liberals give as much freedom as possible, without infringing on the freedoms of others. Again, did you expect that to make anyone laugh? ). Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, and want everyone to have the option of building giant pyramids. (No. Just... no.)

Politics only exist in the United States, and there are only two political parties -- Democrats and Republicans. ( Way to fill up a paragraph, geniuses. )

All members of the government table, partake in the drinking of blood from the citizens. They often vote themselves pay raises, dip into Social Security funds for their home states, and they like to argue a lot over just about anything. Whilst the conservative and liberal classes are natural enemies, they are often seen to combine power to rail against the sheer mediocrity of the moderates. Furthermore, no individual political party or politician is bound to a particular class and may move from left to right in order to secure the most power.

Power is of vital importance to the politic, for without it there is great difficulty in obtaining access to a steady supply of sweet, sweet blood.

Left: You are on your own until you are born, and then you are showered with government handouts.

Right: We protect you like the mad clinic bombers we are until you are born, and then you are on your own against big mean cowboy capitalists. Before birth nothing is more important than your life, afterwards we draft you into as many wars as we can.