By contrast, his four-year-old nephew -- who inherited, let's say, different genetics -- has some foresight. Up until July, he had a plump piggy bank going, in which he'd collected $500 in coins and cash.

Calmese -- the grown-ass man -- was living with his sister in Spanish Lake at that time, and asked if he could borrow some quarters from the nephew's piggy bank.

His sister permitted him to take $2. Instead, he took it all.

When County cops caught up with him, guess what he told them he did with the loot?

"Man, I bought a piece of ass and some heroin."

Not very sound investments, Mr. Calmese. Oh also you're being charged with felony theft.