Thursday, March 5, 2009

I HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO CERULEAN CITY!? WTF?

Really, Snorlax?

The entire Pokeworld and you're lounging here, blocking all of Cycle Road? Do you even realize there is an empty field behind you? And what about that forest FOUR FEET in front of your fat face? Unless you think your stupid purple fur will get a tan, you'd be a whole lot better off under one of those shady, perfectly arranged trees.

Look, I'll make this easy:

PROS: ABSOLUTELY NONE. ZERO. I wonder what he thinks will happen. Like, he must think I'm just going to say, 'OK, well I've come far enough. I'm cool with not reaching the Dojo.' IDIOT.

CONS: MANY.

You will never receive a strong letter of recommendation after you lose your security guard post over here. Why? Well, here's a few words that come to mind when I think of you -- lazy, selfish, slothful. No one in their right mind would hire you. I am pretty confident you lack even basic computer skills since you spend days at a time sitting on a street.

I don't even know how to read music, so when I play the Pokeflute, you are in for a rude awakening.

I hope some shut-eye on this path is worth eternity in a Pokeball.

You will soon be unemployed and unappealing:

You really need to reevaluate things, Snorlax. Time to finally fulfill a New Year's Resolution and do something with your pathetic life. "Happy-go-lucky" gets old fast.

Stability - 0/5 Cycle Road is not going anywhere. But you are.

Cool Factor - 0/5 -- Frustrating children is not "cool."

Difficulty - 0/5 --- Sitting on a sunny path in the summer?

Perilousness - 3/5 -- Not that you realize this, but you'll soon be in a ball 1/100th your size

Added bonus - 2/5 -- Maybe losing to me in a battle will be the ultimate incentive to finally turn your life around.