Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Y'all can keep those crazy baby dreams to yourselves.

I had the craziest dream last night. So crazy that it warrants actually taking the time out of a very hectic (so. very. hectic.) Tuesday to tell you about it. And that is definitely saying something, because saying that we've been incredibly busy at work lately would be sugar coating it.

About that dream; it was the dead of winter and there was ice and snow everywhere. We're talking blizzard weather. We were having some kind of company function (I'm assuming with the time of year it was our Christmas party) and I had to step outside for a minute to get some "fresh air". And that's when I found it.... a BABY.

Side note: How weird is it that I am now setting my dreams at work? Who does that?!

Yes, I found baby outside. And he was like, two or three I guess, but he was wearing a little jacket and sitting outside on the icy ground. WTF?! I immediately picked him up and took him inside and asked my lovely cousin what she thought that I should do.... and all her drunk ass could mutter was- "when did you get a baby?!" So, we called the police.

And when the police came they brought child services along with them. They didn't even talk, but apparently my subconscious mind didn't realize that. Then it was decided that I would agree to take care of the baby until they all "figured out what to do". What kind of authority figures don't know what to do with a lost/found baby?!!

So, I took him home and he became my little guy.... and that's when "they" came for him. And don't ask me who "they" are, because I don't have any clue, but "they" were after him. We had to barricade the doors and windows and fight off the "theys".... and it was INSANE.

I have got to quit eating nachos before bed.... crazy ass dreams.

Finally, the dad of the baby showed up to take him home.... and he was a cop. Yeah, you heard me right. And I talked to him and he was all can I just take my take my kid be on my way? And I was like, no you are the most irresponsible person in the world.... who in the hell just leaves their kid with a complete stranger for days?!! Therefore, I told him that I was keeping the kid and he could just go on somewhere. He fought it for a minute and then I just had to tell him good day and walk away (with the baby).

If you mustache me a question, go for it.

Chances are, I'm gonna show up in boots.

No doubt about it.

Tayder thinks I'm an embarrassing kind of mom.

I enjoy dressing in camo and wearing antlers.

I have a soft spot for gingers.

And I know everybody thinks their dog is the cutest.... but mine really is.

I was born on the 13th and tell people it was a Friday (it was really a Tuesday).

I love sharing "throwbacks" because they crack me up.

If it ain't Mario Bros on the Nintendo, I give up.

The only marathon I need or want.... like ever.

Sometimes I make random ass collages.... just because.

Remember being seventeen?!

Yeah, it wasn't as great as what you remember it being.

If Lizzy Caplan isn't one of your heroes, you should reevaluate that.

My family has just pretty much given up on me to stop saying f*ck.

They've also given up on trying to get me to wear "normal" pants.

I watch WAY too many true crime documentaries.

The first crush I ever remember having was on Christian Slater... followed by Bruce Campbell.

I have very strange travel destinations in mind.

Told you my hair and face was insane. (Also, booze).

Enjoy your time here.

I just wanted y'all to know that Charlie Kelly is my spirit animal.

If your picture is here.... my bad, homie.

IJTLFAT claims no credit for most of the images posted on this site unless they are blurry and sometimes in questionable taste cell phone pictures of random shit from my actual phone or they're from my past excursions..... something like that. Images on this blog are copyright to their respectful owners. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and you do not wish for it appear on this sarcastic, but also sometimes serious blog, please email with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed. And before you even ask, yes, I'm really sorry about it.

If you've made it this far on my blog.... I commend you.

I should also probably apologize for my excessive use of the word f*ck, calling people bitch more often than not, and for talking about literally nothing to the point that it could melt brains. However, I apologize for none of it. BECAUSE I DO WHAT I WANT. Except for the picture notice that's above this. I totally meant that.