July 16, 2008

"Oompa Loompa, doopity doo. I have another puzzle for you."

So Ashley Harkleroad's Playboy spread (heh) is hitting the stands on Friday. You can see the cover at Down the Line! I just don't have the heart to post it on my PG-13 page.

Two things came to mind when I saw the picture:

Lady Sovereign's "Orange"

Why not fling her on the window sill as a pumpkin,
When it's approaching Halloween,
Or on your English breakfast, place her next to the bacon,
She could be the beans,
And you always know wheres she's been,
And you always know when she's had a pee,
Cause the toilet seat ain't clean
Cause the toilet seat has an orange sheen,
Ching, bring out the detergent,
Scrub that oompa loompa it's urgent,
Have you seen her face it's disturbing,
How much fake tan are you squirting,
Err it's hurting my eyes, and your starting to look like the sunrise,
And your fake tan's so ming, you're attracting flies!

The scene from 30 Rock where Jenna poses for Maxim, gets oiled up with salad dressing, and proceeds to slip and slide all over the red leather chaise lounge with a rubber chicken in her mouth (I've searched for a clip and damn those NBC copyright lawyers!).

I have no problem with Ashley posing for Playboy. To each their own. She's a better pin-up than a tennis player anyway (recent Fed Cup win notwithstanding).

Sorry. Was that harsh? Well my opinion may have been influenced by her idiotic explanation during a press conference at Roland Garros for why she did it (by way of background, the surgery they're referring to was for an ovarian cyst that ruptured and required doctors to remove her right ovary in April):

Q. You went through surgery and then posed for Playboy?

ASHLEY
HARKLEROAD: Yeah. Like, I don’t know, I was just laying there for three
weeks, and, you know, an offer came to me. I thought, Well, I’m not
really doing anything right now. So I thought about it, and, you know, it was something that I did. I’m
proud of my body. I was representing a female athlete’s body, you know. Like Amanda Beard would have done, so, yeah.

Q. I guess the thing that people might be curious about is you had
just had surgery, fairly traumatic surgery, so you might not have been
in maybe tip top shape.

ASHLEY HARKLEROAD: Actually, I was like
super thin, you know. I was like thinner than I probably would have
been like muscle wise. But we did it in a course of like four different
days, so I was working out like a week. My body was actually getting
back to more muscular. But, see, when I don’t play tennis I lose all my muscle, so I become
like a size smaller in jeans and everything like that. But at the same
time, you know, there was really nothing. I wasn’t really doing
anything, and like I said, the offer came to me and I thought about it
and decided that I would do it.

Q. I mean, Ashley, you’re weighing the pros and cons of doing that.
Can you talk about what you thought the pros were and what the cons
would be?

ASHLEY HARKLEROAD: You know, there’s a few reasons why I
did it, but I can’t really go into it right now. You know, you can read
it and you’ll understand probably more.
But like I said, I really didn’t think it was that big of a deal, you
know. I’m proud of my body. I stay in shape and try to stay fit, so
like I said, I’m just trying to represent a female athlete and her
body. That can be sexy too, you know.

So basically she was bored and thinner than normal because of her traumatic surgery. Yet she thinks she's accurately representing a female athlete's body. That's like me being sick with pneumonia for months, losing 30 pounds as a result, and thinking "Hey, I'm going to do a photo shoot to represent what a professional working woman's body looks like."

Perhaps making potentially life-altering decisions after having your ovary removed isn't the best way to go. I'm just throwing it out there.

Comments

So Ashley Harkleroad's Playboy spread (heh) is hitting the stands on Friday. You can see the cover at Down the Line! I just don't have the heart to post it on my PG-13 page.

Two things came to mind when I saw the picture:

Lady Sovereign's "Orange"

Why not fling her on the window sill as a pumpkin,
When it's approaching Halloween,
Or on your English breakfast, place her next to the bacon,
She could be the beans,
And you always know wheres she's been,
And you always know when she's had a pee,
Cause the toilet seat ain't clean
Cause the toilet seat has an orange sheen,
Ching, bring out the detergent,
Scrub that oompa loompa it's urgent,
Have you seen her face it's disturbing,
How much fake tan are you squirting,
Err it's hurting my eyes, and your starting to look like the sunrise,
And your fake tan's so ming, you're attracting flies!

The scene from 30 Rock where Jenna poses for Maxim, gets oiled up with salad dressing, and proceeds to slip and slide all over the red leather chaise lounge with a rubber chicken in her mouth (I've searched for a clip and damn those NBC copyright lawyers!).

I have no problem with Ashley posing for Playboy. To each their own. She's a better pin-up than a tennis player anyway (recent Fed Cup win notwithstanding).

Sorry. Was that harsh? Well my opinion may have been influenced by her idiotic explanation during a press conference at Roland Garros for why she did it (by way of background, the surgery they're referring to was for an ovarian cyst that ruptured and required doctors to remove her right ovary in April):

Q. You went through surgery and then posed for Playboy?

ASHLEY
HARKLEROAD: Yeah. Like, I don’t know, I was just laying there for three
weeks, and, you know, an offer came to me. I thought, Well, I’m not
really doing anything right now. So I thought about it, and, you know, it was something that I did. I’m
proud of my body. I was representing a female athlete’s body, you know. Like Amanda Beard would have done, so, yeah.

Q. I guess the thing that people might be curious about is you had
just had surgery, fairly traumatic surgery, so you might not have been
in maybe tip top shape.

ASHLEY HARKLEROAD: Actually, I was like
super thin, you know. I was like thinner than I probably would have
been like muscle wise. But we did it in a course of like four different
days, so I was working out like a week. My body was actually getting
back to more muscular. But, see, when I don’t play tennis I lose all my muscle, so I become
like a size smaller in jeans and everything like that. But at the same
time, you know, there was really nothing. I wasn’t really doing
anything, and like I said, the offer came to me and I thought about it
and decided that I would do it.

Q. I mean, Ashley, you’re weighing the pros and cons of doing that.
Can you talk about what you thought the pros were and what the cons
would be?

ASHLEY HARKLEROAD: You know, there’s a few reasons why I
did it, but I can’t really go into it right now. You know, you can read
it and you’ll understand probably more.
But like I said, I really didn’t think it was that big of a deal, you
know. I’m proud of my body. I stay in shape and try to stay fit, so
like I said, I’m just trying to represent a female athlete and her
body. That can be sexy too, you know.

So basically she was bored and thinner than normal because of her traumatic surgery. Yet she thinks she's accurately representing a female athlete's body. That's like me being sick with pneumonia for months, losing 30 pounds as a result, and thinking "Hey, I'm going to do a photo shoot to represent what a professional working woman's body looks like."

Perhaps making potentially life-altering decisions after having your ovary removed isn't the best way to go. I'm just throwing it out there.