How does being autistic impact my child?

Sensory differences

Autistic people process sensations from the environment differently from neurotypical people. Sensory issues are most visible when it comes to light and sound, but sensory dysfunction applies to every sense. For example, a person on the spectrum may not wear certain clothing because of their sense of touch or not be able to stand strong perfume because of their sense of smell. Sensory dysfunction isn't always a bad thing. When I took an autistic child I cared for to the water park, I would sit back and smile because I could see the sensory joy he was experiencing splashing in the water.

This video clip shows how a trip to Walmart might be perceived for an autistic person. While it might not be very loud to us, it's quite loud and overwhelming to some people on the spectrum who are hypersensitive. And that's only exposing you to one sense - bright fluorescent lights come with their own challenges which are hard to replicate with a video camera. Another sense that can't be replicated is the sense of touch and smell, which can make the tag in your t-shirt or the perfume the greeter is wearing overwhelming.

On the opposite side of things, sensory differences can go the other way and make a child hyposensitive. Children who are hyposensitive may seek out or create loud noises and run into things, for example.Warning: If you have sensory dysfunction yourself, I strongly caution against watching this video.

The point:An autistic child may be very sensitive to sounds and lights, even things that you and I might find completely ordinary. On the other side of things, if your child is hyposensitive they might seek out sensory input - running into walls and banging things, for instance. Most autistic children are hypersensitive to some things and hyposensitive to others. If a situation gets to be too overwhelming, an autistic child may experience serious discomfort and have to leave (or might experience a meltdown).

Meltdowns and Shutdowns

Meltdowns and shutdowns are two sides of the same coin - a reaction to being overwhelmed. A child on the spectrum is likely to have both, so it's important to recognize what they look like, particularly since meltdowns can look like tantrums.

Another note: There are such things as silent meltdowns. Externally they look the same, but they are different internally. My sister, Caley, who is autistic, explains them this way: "In a shutdown everything just becomes too much. And in a [silent] meltdown things become too much and you get unhappy with yourself."

Trouble understanding tone of voice

Autistic kids have trouble understanding the meaning of tones of voice used by others. Think about the simple word, "Hey." It's one word, but depending on the tone I use you can deduce whether I'm pleased to see you, angry, reticent to talk, flirting with you, or trying to alert you to something. A child on the autism spectrum might struggle with the same exercise, or be unable to understand it altogether.

This combination, along with a tendency to take things literally, also means that many kids on the spectrum can struggle to catch when someone else is using sarcasm, as seen in the clip below. I like to use the Big Bang Theory for examples, because it's a lighthearted way of exploring autism (Sheldon is on the spectrum, though they don't identify him as such).

The point:Childrenon the spectrum aren't necessarily going to pick up on nuances in tone and inflection. For example, my sister had a teacher who smiled when she was angry. Seeing her smile, Caley thought she was happy. The other students, however, heard the teacher's tone of voice and warned my sister she was quite angry. When talking to your child on the spectrum, use unambiguous words, not tone of voice​, to help them understand you.

Different forms of communicating

Difficulties with spoken expressive language are very common with autism. In fact, language delays were once required for diagnosis. About 25% of autistic people can be classified as "non-verbal." However, this is another term that is controversial because it is misleading, hard to quantify, and misunderstood.

For example, what makes someone 'non-verbal'? Echolalia - which means repeating or "echoing" others' words - is very common in autism. A person who displays echolalia may technically be verbal, but not in the sense that we ordinarily think of.

Likewise, 'non-verbal' may give the impression that a person cannot communicate. However, so-called 'non-verbal' people may communicate via pictures, sign language, echolalia or typing. And many take a person's lack of verbal expressive communication as a lack of understanding language or intelligence. Nothing could be further from the truth.

To give you an example of a person many would call "non-verbal" who doesn't fit many preconceived notions of what the term entails, I've included a video below. Make sure you stick with it until at least 3:15 of the way through.

Stimming

"Stimming," or self stimulation, is a repetitive motion or vocalization people do to self-regulate.Common examples involve hand flapping, rocking, or spinning. Many people also verbally stim, which means they might repeat the same phrase or sound over and over. Autistic people aren't the only ones who stim - if you've ever tapped your foot, doodled, or played with your pen, you've stimmed, too.

Most people with autism say stimming makes them feel better and more comfortable.

Vicky Gleitz, an autistic adult woman, described what stimming does for her this way (republished here with permission):

"When I stim, happy becomes happier. When I stim, creatively, entire worlds in vivid detail pop into my mind. When I stim, scary goes away [or at least gets smaller] as does confussion [sp]. When I stim, I'm fairly sure that my IQ rises significantly. Just thinking about how so many want to inhibit our autisticness I get so angry, Thankfuly, I am able to stim when this happens. And that helps."

That is why most autistic adults are against eliminating stims - because many say it helps them focus, navigate their environment, and feel better overall. And, as Vicky said, the way therapists focus on trying to eliminate non-injurious stims does upset her and many others on the spectrum, because stimming doesn't hurt her, and actually helps her. She also sees it as another way of making her try to hide the fact that she's autistic, even though she views autism as simply part of who she is.

Here's Anthony's explanation of stimming. I like it because he demonstrates what it looks and feels like for him (although most people don't only stim when excited). His mother is in charge of guiding the questions, and she thinks stimming is a bad thing, as many parents are taught to do, but by now you know better than to think that.

Need for Routine

For autistic kids, routine is a way of lending predictability to an otherwise fluctuating and often scary world, which is why it's so important.

That need for routine varies from person to person. One might have a meltdown at the concept of changing the route their parent drives them to school. Another might be fine with changing the route, but might be upset if their morning ritual was interfered with. In this, as everything, every person is unique.

Again, we'll use the Big Bang Theory for an example. Note the literal-minded thinking ("it's not a party if it's over here because we don't throw parties"), and Sheldon's anxiety at not knowing what's going to happen if he changes his routine.

To ease the pain of shifting routines, I use transition time with the autistic children I care for, employing verbal cues ("Five more minutes and we're going to go ____") and visual schedules. These are easy accommodations, and the amount of stress relief that they provide to the autistic person (and as a result, their caregivers) is huge. To read more about transition time, you can check out my post on the subject.

Not Making Direct Eye Contact

People on the spectrum generally have difficulty making direct eye contact with others. It's incredibly uncomfortable for most, because it can feel aggressive and unnatural, even painful.

Others have trouble just looking at people's heads and may feel uncomfortable making extended eye contact with others' faces. The difference between eye contact and staring may also be difficult for people on the spectrum to grasp, which is why saying "Look me in the eyes" can lead to unexpected results.

Since it's so culturally (yes, this is a cultural thing) emphasized that eye contact = paying attention, many people on the spectrum develop ways of "faking it". For almost two decades, I could have sworn Caley was making eye contact with me...right up until she revealed that she was, in fact, looking between my eyebrows. It's a good enough illusion to be able to fool anyone she meets and it saves her discomfort. Here an autistic adult talks about how eye contact feels to him and the way he fakes it.

Disclaimer: The author of the website is a speech therapist, not a psychologist, and frequently writes based on personal experience. As a result, advice given here may not be completely accurate and may not apply to everyone. The author is not an expert on autism, and readily admits to having a lot left to learn. This website should not be used in place of a professional. The author is not responsible for the content of other websites for which links have been provided, nor content from other contributors.