You are trapped on a desert island with the Spice Girls. Food and rum have run out. Which Spice Girl do you eat first?

The Ginger Spice

The Sporty Spice

The Tall Spice

The Relatively Posh Spice

The Baby Spice

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry

Monday, August 14, 2006

SOURPUSS MALKIN

And now we stare astonished at the seaAnd a miraculous strange bird shrieks at us...

This Yeats line came back to me when I saw the lunatic Malkin on Fox News the other week. I don’t mind being hectored about the Middle East by people who have never been within 500 miles of it –that’s what blogs are all about- but now this hellish woman is attacking our TV shows as well, and this cannot be borne. It seems she's in a foaming rage about Armando Iannucci’s new programme on BBC 2, among several hundred other things that she's furious about.

Jesus, woman, calm down. You’re like a bear with a sore head. I don’t think I’ve ever been as enraged about anything as she is about everything. “When did 9/11 become a laughing matter?” she asks, as if anyone were laughing about it, and as if she were able to tell the difference between award-winning comedy and a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.

You’ve got to realise the kind of people we’re dealing with here. Malkin doesn’t just take life seriously; she actually takes Hugh Hewitt seriously. Such a person is simply not qualified to have an opinion on what is, and what is not, “a laughing matter”, since a sense of humour calls for a sense of proportion, which in her case she has not got. Almost any attempt to make jokes that rises above the level of a fat man falling over is going to confuse and upset her and her readers, but that’s just something the BBC is going to have to live with. She wasn’t the target audience anyway.

Given that they neither pay the licence fee, watch the shows, nor live in the stinking country, it doesn’t matter how many cretins join your email campaign. The BBC should tell them all to knob off.