Dr KARL SHUKER

Zoologist, media consultant, and science writer, Dr Karl Shuker is also one of the best known cryptozoologists in the world. Author of such seminal works as Mystery Cats of the World (1989), The Lost Ark: New and Rediscovered Animals of the 20th Century (1993; greatly expanded in 2012 as The Encyclopaedia of New and Rediscovered Animals), In Search of Prehistoric Survivors (1995), The Unexplained (1996), Mysteries of Planet Earth (1999), The Beasts That Hide From Man (2003), and more recently Extraordinary Animals Revisited (2007), Dr Shuker's Casebook (2008), Karl Shuker's Alien Zoo: From the Pages of Fortean Times (2010), Cats of Magic, Mythology, and Mystery (2012), Mirabilis: A Carnival of Cryptozoology and Unnatural History (2013), Dragons in Zoology, Cryptozoology, and Culture (2013), A Manifestation of Monsters (2015), Here's Nessie! (2016), and what is already considered to be his magnum opus, Still In Search Of Prehistoric Survivors (2016), his many fans have been badgering him to join the blogosphere for years. The CFZ Blog Network is proud to have finally persuaded him to do so.

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Wednesday, 23 September 2015

IN TUNE WITH NESSIE - A SELECTION OF LOCH NESS MONSTER-THEMED SONGS

Sheet music for 'I'm the Monster of Loch Ness', a 1934 song made famous by British variety star Leslie Holmes (public domain/supplied by Joe Mancini)

It will
probably come as no surprise to discover that such an iconic figure as Nessie the
Loch Ness monster (LNM) has been celebrated and immortalised by music down
through the decades since her modern-day media debut during the early 1930s,
but what may be surprising is the wide range of genres that have done so - from
foxtrots and folk to heavy metal, skinhead reggae, and cartoon classics. So
here is an annotated listing of some famous and not-so-famous musical tributes
to the world's favourite monster, whatever your tuneful tastes may be, and
accompanied wherever possible with links to their performances on YouTube.

And where
better to begin than with some wonderful recordings inspired by and released during
that fateful 1933-1934 period of LNM-related frenzy, a period that witnessed the
reporting of some classic Nessie sightings following the opening in 1933 of a new motoring
road, the A82, directly overlooking the northern shoreline of this hitherto-secluded loch – a significant event that brought the alleged
existence of Nessie to the attention of an entranced media, both nationally and
internationally.

Leslie Holmes (1934). 'I'm the Monster of Loch Ness'.Perhaps the
most popular of these early 1930s Nessie recordings is this delightful ditty, a
comedy foxtrot written and composed by Ralph Butler and Will E. Haines, and most famously sung by British variety star Leslie 'the smiling
vocalist' Holmes. Recorded by him on 6 January 1934 as a 78 rpm shellac record on
London's Regal Zonophone label (with sheet music published by Cameo Music), it
also featured the Midnight Minstrels, plus Scott Wood and His Orchestra. Holmes
was also filmed singing it, in b/w, by London's British Pathé Studio, in an
amusing sketch that included an appearance by Nessie herself at its close. Recorded
on 25 January 1934, this sketch can be viewed hereon YouTube.

Leslie Holmes (public domain)

In 2014, M. Ryan Taylor brought out a book of spooky songs entitled
The Haunted Ukelele, which included 'I'm the Monster of Loch Ness'. Here is a recording of him singing it while playing
a Koa model Godin Multiuke.

My sincere
thanks to Facebook friend Joe Mancini for first alerting me to the Leslie
Holmes version of this song.

Brian Lawrance (1934). 'Boo, Boo. Here Comes the Loch Ness Monster'.

This song is
much more obscure than the previous one, despite featuring the well-regarded British
vocalist and band leader Brian Lawrance on its best known version, which again
was recorded in January 1934 as a 78 rpm record, but this time by the Eclipse
label. As yet, I have been unable to trace an online version of it.

John Tilley (1933). 'The Loch Ness Monster'.

Not a song as
such but what was back then a very famous comedy monologue for radio, spoken by
John Tilley, a briefly popular, quintessentially English broadcaster/revue
artist during the early 1930s, who recorded it as a 78 rpm record in December
1933 for the Columbia label. Tragically, Tilley was only in his late 30s when
he died in 1935. You can listen to it here.

After those
early recordings, a fair few years went by before Nessie received much in the
way of further musical mileage, but from the 1960s (and especially the 1970s)
onwards, she has been a perennially popular subject for songs and melody, as
the following diverse selection demonstrates.

Robin Hall & Jimmie MacGregor (1961). 'The Monster of Loch Ness'.

This Scottish
folk duo formed in 1960 and recorded over 20 albums together before their
partnership ended in 1981. Their humorous Nessie song was co-written by
MacGregor, was released as a 45 rpm vinyl single in 1961 on the Decca label,
and can be listened to here.

King Horror (1969). 'Loch Ness Monster'.

This
highly-collectible 1969 single by skinhead reggae act King Horror (originally a
calypso singer, apparently) and issued on the Grape label is (in)famous for the
OTT bloodcurdling screams at the onset (listen to it here). Somehow, I don't think that his Nessie is the shy,
retiring, piscivorous type!

Alex Harvey (1977). 'Alex Harvey Presents: The Loch Ness Monster'.

Best known as
the founder and frontman of the Sensational Alex Harvey Band (SAHB), Scottish
rocker Alex Harvey also recorded this 40-minute spoken documentary solo LP
album, released in 1977. Harvey had previously spent the summer at
Invermoriston in the Scottish Highlands by himself while the rest of his band
were doing other things, and had interviewed a range of LNM eyewitnesses and
historians, recording their narratives and interspersing them with views of his
own and also additional commentary by Richard O'Brien of The Rocky Horror
Show and The Crystal Maze fame. Released as a limited edition album
by the K-Tel label and complete with an illustrated 16-page diary-format booklet
in a gatefold sleeve, allegedly only around 300 copies were actually pressed, thus
making it highly sought-after. It only contains one (very short) song, right at
the end of the LP, entitled 'I Like Monsters Too', which can be listened to here.

The SAHB with
Harvey fronting also recorded a Nessie song, 'Water Beastie', which appeared as
track #8 on their 1978 album 'Road Drill', and was co-written by Harvey, Chris
Glen, and Hugh McKenna, all from SAHB. Listen to it here.

The Police (1983). 'Synchronicity II'.

Appearing as
track #6 on this seminal English rock band's album 'Synchronicity' and also
released as a single in 1983, this song tells of two unrelated events that are
happening simultaneously – a demeaned, harried husband and father's life descending
into increasing depression and despair, while, far away, a monstrous entity
emerges from a dark Scottish loch and moves ominously, inexorably, towards a
lochside cottage. It was written by the band's lead singer/bassist, Sting, and
can be viewed and listened to here.

One of the
most popular animated children's TV series in Britain during the early 1980s
was The Family Ness, which was created by English cartoonist Peter
Maddocks of Maddocks Cartoon Productions, consisted of 25 five-minute episodes,
and was originally screened on BBC 1, beginning in 1983. As its name suggests,
its stars were a family of Nessies, plus two children, Elspeth and Angus
MacTout, who could call the Nessies from their loch using secret thistle
whistles. Each of the Nessies (of which there were many) was punningly named
after their defining trait, and included among their number Clever Ness, Grumpy
Ness, Lovely Ness, Hungry Ness, Silly Ness, and the daunting Ferocious Ness.
The opening titles of each episode were accompanied by a catchy song, and a
second equally catchy song accompanied the end credits of each one. Both were
written by English songwriter Roger Greenaway and music composer Gavin
Greenaway (Roger's son), and in 1985 they were released by the BBC in single
format:

The Family Ness (1983). 'The Family Ness'.

This song was played
over the opening titles to each episode of The Family Ness. No vocalist
screen credit was aired, but it has been suggested that Gavin Greenaway himself
may have been the singer, as he was aged approximately 20 at that time, and the
singer sounds like someone of around that same age (ditto for the end credits
song too – see next song entry).

The Family Ness (1983). 'You'll Never Find a Nessie in the Zoo'.

An extended,
full-length version of this song, hitherto played only in brief, incomplete form
over each episode's end credits, appeared in the very last episode of this TV
series, and became the video for the song when released as a single. My dear
little Mom, Mary Shuker, absolutely adored both the song and the video, and
whenever I played it (having taped it on videocassette) she would always stop
whatever she was doing and watch it, laughing with delight. Happy days, happy
memories. Watch and listen to it here.

Mom was also a
big fan of this act. In 1989, at the tender age of six, pint-sized Scottish
singer Stuart Anderson's highly-polished performance of 'Bonnie Wee Jeannie
McColl' in the annual 'Young Entertainer of the Year' competition staged on
BBC1's Saturday morning teenage television show Going Live so entranced
the voting public that he ultimately won it by the biggest margin of votes ever
recorded in this competition. On the back of his success, Stuart went on to release
several albums, one of which, 'Stuart Anderson Acts Naturally', released in
1992, contained the cheery singalong song 'Nessie (The Loch Ness Monster)'.
Today, aged 32 and a well-respected guitar teacher, Stuart's very youthful
showbiz days are long behind him, but he remains forever young - and forever
singing about Nessie (not to mention Bonnie Wee Jeannie McColl!) – here on YouTube.

Phyllis Logan (1992). 'Shy Girl'.

This song
comes from a British animated feature film entitled Freddie asF.R.O.7.,
which was released in 1992 (and retitled as Freddie the Frog in the USA).
A James Bond parody, it tells the somewhat complicated story of Frederic, a
medieval prince and heir to his country's throne, who is turned into a frog by
his evil aunt Messina (who has already secretly killed his parents in her bid
to become ruler), after which he travels through a time zone into the 20th
Century, becomes a member of the French Secret Service (F.R.O.7.) as Freddie
the Frog, and is then sent by them to Britain in order to foil a plot by
arch-villain El Supremo and Messina to enslave the world's population. Somewhere
in amongst all of this mayhem, Freddie encounters Nessie (voiced by Phyllis
Logan) and her many other long-neck relatives in Loch Ness, and she informs him
in song (and dance) of what a shy girl she really is. An excerpt from the film
that includes this song, and which in my opinion is both the most entertaining
and the most beautifully animated section of the entire film, can be viewed here.

This is a
Dutch folk band but their music is also infused with Celtic, klezmer, and punk
elements. Their LNM song, from an early 1990s album, is apparently all about
Nessie's, ahem, intimate liaisons with other loch monsters – but I don't speak
Dutch, so I wouldn't know... Listen to it here.

Some Velvet Sidewalk (1992). 'Loch Ness'.

American
experimental lo-fi rock band Some Velvet Sidewalk released two different
versions of their Nessie-themed song 'Loch Ness' (listen to it here). One version appeared as track #2 on their
own 1992 album, 'Avalanche'; the other had appeared a year earlier, again as
track #2, but this time on 'Kill Rock Stars', which was a compilation album
featuring a number of different acts.

Those Darn Accordions (1996). 'Deathbed Confession'.

This song from San
Francisco accordion band Those Darn Accordions' 1996 album 'No Strings
Attached' takes its inspiration from the 'deathbed confession' claim of
Christian Spurling in 1993 regarding his supposed (but never confirmed) hoaxing of the famous
Surgeon's Photograph, by having allegedly made a head-and-neck model of Nessie,
attached it to a toy submarine, and set it afloat on Loch Ness one day in April
1934, where it was then reputedly photographed, yielding the iconic image that gynaecologist and
purported co-conspirator Robert Kenneth Wilson
then passed off to the media as a genuine Nessie photo.

The Real McKenzies (2001). 'Nessie'.

This song is the
opening track to Canadian Celtic punk band The Real McKenzies' 2001 album
'Loch'd and Loaded', and is basically a protest song regarding the search for
and potential future capture of Nessie.

Judas Priest (2005). 'Lochness'.

This lengthy
track (13.28 minutes long) is the tenth and final one on world-famous British
heavy metal band Judas Priest's fifteenth studio album, 'Angel of Retribution',
and was co-written by their legendary leather-clad frontman, Rob Halford,
returning to the band after an absence of 15 years. Listen to it here.

Honorary
mentions are also due to the following three songs, which are not themselves
about Nessie but feature Nessie-themed official videos in the first two instances
and in the third instance is the title track of an entire Nessie-themed movie:

Reggie and the Full Effect (2005). 'Get Well Soon'.

The video to
this song, track #2 from Kansas City rock band Reggie and the Full Effect's
2005 album 'Songs Not To Get Married To', features the collapse and total
disintegration of a green, suspiciously arm-puppet-like Loch Ness monster's
entire life, beginning with a savage divorce settlement in which he loses his
loch and is forced to roam the streets homeless as his life falls apart,
reduced to living in cardboard boxes. Unrelentingly dark and grim, there is no
happy ending for this video's LNM. Watch it here
to see for yourself.

The Automatic (2006). 'Monster'.

In pleasant
contrast, the video to this 2006 song, track #5 on Welsh rock band The
Automatic's debut album 'Not Accepted Anywhere', is pure slapstick comedy,
featuring a Nessie whose vertical neck rising above the loch's surface is of veritable
skyscraper proportions yet somehow still manages to go unnoticed by the band,
starring here as hapless monster seekers. So too does a dancing bigfoot that
definitely gets down and gets with it as their song plays, before things
finally hot up in every sense for our heroes when they have an exceedingly
close encounter with a UFO. View it here.

Adam Faith (1961). 'What a Whopper'.

Also well
worth including here is this title track to a British b/w comedy film from 1961
entitled What a Whopper, featuring an attempt by a young struggling
would-be novelist to raise money by writing a book about the Loch Ness Monster
and then, to generate plenty of publicity for it and thus ensure its success,
staging a hoaxed Nessie sighting - only for the real Nessie herself to make a
surprise, and very tongue-in-cheek, appearance in the closing scene of the film. It
starred British rock 'n' roll singer and actor Adam Faith, who also sang
the toe-tapping theme song (written by Johnny Worth) that opens the film. View
and listen to it here.

In addition to
those songs documented above, in which Nessie features extensively in the
lyrics, there are a fair few others in which she is mentioned briefly or in
passing. No less than 57 of these, recorded by the likes of Eminem, Roger
Taylor, Pras, De La Soul, and Crash Test Dummies among others, can be accessed here.

Finally: Although
by far the most extensively represented example, Nessie is not the only water
monster to have inspired various songs and other musical compositions. Here are
three notable non-LNM examples:

As every
self-respecting cryptozoological enthusiast will readily confirm, this is the
English music-hall song from 1924, composed by Mark Strong, that subsequently
gave its name to the now-famous water monster of Canada's Lake Okanagan (until
then, it had been known only as the naitaka - a traditional Native American
name given to it by the local Okanakane nation). Despite the song featuring a
banjo-playing terrestrial monster from Hindustan (additionally sporting a pair
of antennae and wearing boots in the delightful illustration by Fred Low adorning
its sheet music's front cover) - far removed indeed from Canada's unequivocally
non-musical aquatic cryptid of serpentiform shape – the name Ogopogo stuck, and
the Lake Okanagan monster has been affectionately referred to by it ever since.

For further
details concerning this song - including how I was fortunate enough to
encounter and purchase a copy of the sheet music for the Savoy Havana Band's original
version of it from 1924, thereby enabling me to include its front cover
illustration for the very first time in a cryptozoological publication (my book In Search of Prehistoric Survivors, 1995) - please click here. Several different acts
released this song in 78 rpm record format during the 1920s, including the Paul
Whiteman Orchestra in 1925 that featured Billy Murray as vocalist singing reworded
American lyrics (which can be listened to here) rather than the original English ones written by Cumberland
Clark, the Savoy Havana Band singing the original English lyrics (see illustration above), Meyer
Davis' Swanee Syncopaters, and George Berry (aka Harry Fay).

Seemingly as elusive as the lake-dwelling
Patagonian long-neck that it celebrates, this exotic-sounding
crypto-composition has evaded every attempt not only by me but also by several
friends and correspondents on Facebook to track down an online recording of it
– but this is only fitting, I suppose, bearing in mind that its subject also
succeeded in remaining concealed from those searching for it.

With lyrics by
Amilcar Morbidelli), it was composed in 1922 by Rafael D'Agostino to
commemorate Argentinian biologist Dr Clemente Onelli's expedition during April
of that same year to a mountain lake near Esquel in Argentina, seeking the
so-called Patagonian plesiosaur that had allegedly been sighted there by an
itinerant Texan adventurer called Martin Sheffield who had lived off the land
in Patagonia for many years. Sponsored by Buenos Aires Zoo, of which Onelli was
the director, the expedition did reach this lake, but no sightings of cryptids were
made (further details can be found in my book In Search of Prehistoric Survivors). D'Agostino dedicated his plesiosaur tango to Onelli (who died in 1924), a caricature of whom
is humorously portrayed riding the plesiosaur on the front cover of the Arturo
Terri version of this composition's sheet music.

Front cover of the
sheet music for Arturo Terri's version of 'El Plesiosaurio Tango' (public
domain)

If anyone reading this ShukerNature blog
article knows of an online recording of 'El Plesiosaurio', I'd greatly welcome
details. Meanwhile, here is a link to its
Spanish lyrics.

Incidentally, this was not the only 1920s
musical composition inspired by Onelli's Patagonian pursuit of plesiosaurs. Here
is the delightful front cover illustration from Fernando Randle's piano sheet
music for his own composition, 'El Plesiosauro Tango' (note the slight difference in its
title's spelling from that of D'Agostino's tango), featuring a very dapper pipe-smoking
plesiosaur with top hat, spats, and cane! Sadly, however, Randle's plesiosaur
tango was not as popular as D'Agostino's. Once again, I haven't been able to
locate an online recording of it, so I'd greatly appreciate any assistance in
doing so.

Julio Fava Pollero's 'Antediluvian Tango' was
a third tango inspired by Onelli's plesiosaur hunt, but although he performed
with his own orchestra he never released this composition in record form, only
as sheet music, published in 1927. This was because by then the swell of public
interest in the Patagonian plesiosaur expedition had subsided. Its sheet
music's front cover depicted a humorous caricature of Onelli attempting to tie the
plesiosaur down.

Inspired by a bout of sea serpent sightings
off the towns of Gloucester and Nahant in Massachusetts, New England, USA, during
1817-1819, this very jaunty polka was written in 1850 by Maurice Strakosch, an
American musician of Czech origin, and featured an immense snake-like sea
serpent coiled upon the front cover of its sheet music. An undated recording of
concertina player Michel Van Der Meiren performing this lively tune can be
listened to here on YouTube.

Front cover of the
sheet music for 'Sea Serpent Polka' (public domain)

on a side note, there was an rock band from the 80's called The Loch Ness Monster, they released 2 LPs on the Hamster Records label - here is a link to their Discogs page = http://www.discogs.com/artist/294790-The-Loch-Ness-Monster?filter_anv=0&subtype=Albums&type=Releases

There is also A Monster So Beautiful from the Legowelt Loch Ness free album. I suppose you could call it Ambient soundtrack music details here. http://www.discogs.com/Legowelt-Loch-Ness-The-Complete-Soundtrack/release/4536885

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