Movie review: 'A Royal Affair' is a royal snooze

I may be mildly royalphobic. I don't care much about Kate and William or the crowned heads of Wherever and I found "A Royal Affair" to be a royal pain.

It's possible this story of pampered Danish mid-18th century mopes would appeal to fans of Danish monarchical history, but I can't imagine who else would take much of an interest in this wan romantic triangle. The three sides are boorish King Christian (who, the movie implies, suffered from an as-yet-unnamed mental illness such as bipolar disorder), his personal physician (Mads Mikkelsen) and his unhappy, ignored queen (Alicia Vikander).

The romance is set against the backdrop of the Enlightenment, bringing with it the drive for democracy that the physician secretly champions. I'd be interested in knowing more about that, specifically about how the king became enamored of a movement he must know would diminish his powers. But "Royal" -- which is also hampered by the awkward framing device of the queen explaining the events many years later -- is more interested in the three main characters' petty disputes and the mild scheming of the Dowager Queen. And if the word "dowager" gets your pulse racing because it reminds you of Maggie Smith on "Downton Abbey," forget it: This dowager does not have wisecracks or good timing.

No, what "A Royal Affair" has is the fresh and lovely Vikander. Her aside, all I can tell you about "A Royal Affair" is that there is something boring in the state of Denmark.

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-- Chris Hewitt

"A ROYAL AFFAIR"

Directed by: Nikolaj Arcel

Starring: Alicia Vikander, Mads Mikkelsen

Rated: R for nudity, drug use, language and violence

Should you go? No. Even if Vikander intrigues you, you can wait until next week to see her in "Anna Karenina," a much more interesting film. *