My wife's lost her damn mind, and I'm about to lose mine too

my wife's about two and a half months along, and logic has gone right out the window.Â Seemingly innocuous disagreements somehow become worthy of overreactions that are measured in Megatons, and there's no safety to be had.Â If i engage her, i get sucked into a circular argument that has no end and seems to be less about resolving an issue than about establishing her supremacy.Â If i ignore her, its merely a goad for her to become louder, more insistent, and eventually it devolves into full bull verbal abuse as well as destruction of property.Â And if i decide that discretion is the better part of valor and beat a hasty retreat, Lord God help me because she'll blow my phone up while i'm gone, and whenever i get back (sometime after i've gotten my head screwed back on), not only is she still Â pissed about whatever she was pissed about to begin with, but now she's ALSO pissed that I left (followed by questions like "where did i go?", "whom did i see?", "did we have sex?", and "whyÂ are you lying to me?" [her usual fallback argument when the one she has planned isn't going as planned]), and that i wasn't answering the phone ("What if the house had burned down?", "What if something had happened to one of the kids?", etc...)

There is no safety to be found from these abortive arguments, and not enough overtime at work to be hadÂ to justify a near constant absence until our brewing baby boy is... oh... voting.Â I've heard of hormones making her nuts and i've heard of prenatal psychosis, but personally I don't care what the cause is, she's utterly batspit (sp?) nuts and I need some guidance on how to handleÂ myself whenever she tries to tear my ever-loving head off whenever i have the effrontery to cut a loud fart.Â Any suggestions?Â Right now the best I've got is to get absolutely pith (sp?) drunk and hope i don't sober up until our brewing baby boy is...oh...voting.

my wife's about two and a half months along, and logic has gone right out the window.Â Seemingly innocuous disagreements somehow become worthy of overreactions that are measured in Megatons, and there's no safety to be had.Â If i engage her, i get sucked into a circular argument that has no end and seems to be less about resolving an issue than about establishing her supremacy.Â If i ignore her, its merely a goad for her to become louder, more insistent, and eventually it devolves into full bull verbal abuse as well as destruction of property.Â And if i decide that discretion is the better part of valor and beat a hasty retreat, Lord God help me because she'll blow my phone up while i'm gone, and whenever i get back (sometime after i've gotten my head screwed back on), not only is she still Â pissed about whatever she was pissed about to begin with, but now she's ALSO pissed that I left (followed by questions like "where did i go?", "whom did i see?", "did we have sex?", and "whyÂ are you lying to me?" [her usual fallback argument when the one she has planned isn't going as planned]), and that i wasn't answering the phone ("What if the house had burned down?", "What if something had happened to one of the kids?", etc...)

There is no safety to be found from these abortive arguments, and not enough overtime at work to be hadÂ to justify a near constant absence until our brewing baby boy is... oh... voting.Â I've heard of hormones making her nuts and i've heard of prenatal psychosis, but personally I don't care what the cause is, she's utterly batspit (sp?) nuts and I need some guidance on how to handleÂ myself whenever she tries to tear my ever-loving head off whenever i have the effrontery to cut a loud fart.Â Any suggestions?Â Right now the best I've got is to get absolutely pith (sp?) drunk and hope i don't sober up until our brewing baby boy is...oh...voting.

OMG! I am sorry your wife is being so cruel. I suppose the only advice is, if you truly love her, walk to her and hug her, help her around the home (If you don't already and also have time) and try to just realize she is hormonally challenged(LOL) and that she is having issues with herself.

Is she also screaming at the kids a lot, or having fits where she mumbles to herself and becomes isolated? f so, she should seek psychological assistance for her issues, it could be something more serious than you think.

NeS

OMG! I am sorry your wife is being so cruel. I suppose the only advice is, if you truly love her, walk to her and hug her, help her around the home (If you don't already and also have time) and try to just realize she is hormonally challenged(LOL) and that she is having issues with herself.

Is she also screaming at the kids a lot, or having fits where she mumbles to herself and becomes isolated? f so, she should seek psychological assistance for her issues, it could be something more serious than you think.

as far as screaming at the kids, no more so than usual (they're both teenagers who have to be prised off of their phones and gaming systems, so a few raised voices are to be expected).Â My main complaint is that all i ever see her do is lay around binge shopping, either online or HSN on tv.Â That too is becoming a problem.

I already help around the house, insofar as the kitchen has been declared my domain.Â it doesn't get kept up with at all times but its caught up on my days off (i've got a really wierd schedule where i'm on for two, off for two for the most part.Â I've tried being supportive and it doesn't fly.Â I feel like a swine, cause I'm seriously thinkingÂ about leaving her for the sake of my sanity, but I don't want to be "That Guy" who ditches his preggo wife.Â Like i said yesterday, i'm losing my mind.Â Does the prenatal psychosis get worse with repeated pregnancies?Â This is our fourth

as far as screaming at the kids, no more so than usual (they're both teenagers who have to be prised off of their phones and gaming systems, so a few raised voices are to be expected).Â My main complaint is that all i ever see her do is lay around binge shopping, either online or HSN on tv.Â That too is becoming a problem.

I already help around the house, insofar as the kitchen has been declared my domain.Â it doesn't get kept up with at all times but its caught up on my days off (i've got a really wierd schedule where i'm on for two, off for two for the most part.Â I've tried being supportive and it doesn't fly.Â I feel like a swine, cause I'm seriously thinkingÂ about leaving her for the sake of my sanity, but I don't want to be "That Guy" who ditches his preggo wife.Â Like i said yesterday, i'm losing my mind.Â Does the prenatal psychosis get worse with repeated pregnancies?Â This is our fourth

I have two questions for you, 1) Do you love your wife? and 2) is it really this bad or does it maybe just feel this bad?Â I only ask because I've been in a very similar situation and after much counseling I realized I was so overwhelmed that her behavior seemed magnified x's 10.Â If you DO love her then your choice seems clear.Â I mean, there must be some good times with your wife, right?Â But, if you don't feel any love toward her anymore then you really need to be honest with her about that.Â Women are very fragile during pregnancy which, in turn, makes us feel like we can't do a thing right.Â When my wife gets this way (as youÂ mentioned above) I try my damndest to express my love for her.Â Whether its a hug, quality time or just rubbing her back - and it really helps.Â I hope I've not come across wrong, my intent is to try to help you through my experiences.Â Good luck and feel free to email me if you'd like.

I have two questions for you, 1) Do you love your wife? and 2) is it really this bad or does it maybe just feel this bad?Â I only ask because I've been in a very similar situation and after much counseling I realized I was so overwhelmed that her behavior seemed magnified x's 10.Â If you DO love her then your choice seems clear.Â I mean, there must be some good times with your wife, right?Â But, if you don't feel any love toward her anymore then you really need to be honest with her about that.Â Women are very fragile during pregnancy which, in turn, makes us feel like we can't do a thing right.Â When my wife gets this way (as youÂ mentioned above) I try my damndest to express my love for her.Â Whether its a hug, quality time or just rubbing her back - and it really helps.Â I hope I've not come across wrong, my intent is to try to help you through my experiences.Â Good luck and feel free to email me if you'd like.

I'm not sure at this point... I guess it's possible that I'm just overwhelmed. The main thing I know is that all i have is logic, emotional decision making escapes me, so when emotions are running high i'm simply lost. This frequently means I'm trying to pound my square-peg emotions into her round hole emotions, with the predictable disastrous results. But on those rare occasions that I DO try to give her a hug and such as you described, well it just feels fake, to me AND to her. Then she calls me on it, and we're off to the races again.

Our problem seems to be that, to her, either i get it exactly right or completely wrong, and with me, if i don't know what to do i don't do anything. As a result, we typically spend a lot of our time with me stumped and her pissed, and it's only gotten worse since the hormones have kicked in. I can try your suggestion again but my concern is that she'll never buy it

I'm not sure at this point... I guess it's possible that I'm just overwhelmed. The main thing I know is that all i have is logic, emotional decision making escapes me, so when emotions are running high i'm simply lost. This frequently means I'm trying to pound my square-peg emotions into her round hole emotions, with the predictable disastrous results. But on those rare occasions that I DO try to give her a hug and such as you described, well it just feels fake, to me AND to her. Then she calls me on it, and we're off to the races again.

Our problem seems to be that, to her, either i get it exactly right or completely wrong, and with me, if i don't know what to do i don't do anything. As a result, we typically spend a lot of our time with me stumped and her pissed, and it's only gotten worse since the hormones have kicked in. I can try your suggestion again but my concern is that she'll never buy it

another things is to do what I did... keep a journal, and even have her keep a journal... maybe take all the anger and put it into the book... and have it so you both see each others journal and swear to not judge the other person

another things is to do what I did... keep a journal, and even have her keep a journal... maybe take all the anger and put it into the book... and have it so you both see each others journal and swear to not judge the other person

That's an idea, that way 1) I can try to analyze what i'm feeling before trying to put it out there, and maybe even filter out my own anger while figuring it out. And 2) i can tweak what I'm trying to say until i get it right. Will it work? I don't know. I do know it's not been tried so far. Thank you, i'm gonna try it

That's an idea, that way 1) I can try to analyze what i'm feeling before trying to put it out there, and maybe even filter out my own anger while figuring it out. And 2) i can tweak what I'm trying to say until i get it right. Will it work? I don't know. I do know it's not been tried so far. Thank you, i'm gonna try it

When I was pregnant with my son, who is now 8, I literally kicked my husband to the curb at least 5x's. My hormones were out of control. Now granted, he was not the loving devoted husband you seem to be, but if he had just put his arms around me as the other poster said, I think it would have calmed me down greatly.I'm sorry you are going through this especially when its your 4th child together. You would think after the other 3 you both would be experts at pregnancy, right? All I can say is love your wife. And also, maybe pull the Dr aside at the next visit and let him know what is going on. Your wife is most likely NOT going to mention her behavior to him because, well, she thinks she is doing no wrong. Another suggestion I have is to treat her to a maternity massage. Don't do it yourself unless you are trained as you can put her in labor. I had one during my current pregnancy at my most stressful time and it helped so much, even if only for an hour, to get me back to a peace that I so easily forgot.Good luck

Kathie

When I was pregnant with my son, who is now 8, I literally kicked my husband to the curb at least 5x's. My hormones were out of control. Now granted, he was not the loving devoted husband you seem to be, but if he had just put his arms around me as the other poster said, I think it would have calmed me down greatly.I'm sorry you are going through this especially when its your 4th child together. You would think after the other 3 you both would be experts at pregnancy, right? All I can say is love your wife. And also, maybe pull the Dr aside at the next visit and let him know what is going on. Your wife is most likely NOT going to mention her behavior to him because, well, she thinks she is doing no wrong. Another suggestion I have is to treat her to a maternity massage. Don't do it yourself unless you are trained as you can put her in labor. I had one during my current pregnancy at my most stressful time and it helped so much, even if only for an hour, to get me back to a peace that I so easily forgot.Good luck

You're not sure at this point if you love her or if you're overwhelmed? I really like the ideas you've been given here, but I feel if you don't love her anymore none of it will work. Have you given your feelings for her any thought?

You're not sure at this point if you love her or if you're overwhelmed? I really like the ideas you've been given here, but I feel if you don't love her anymore none of it will work. Have you given your feelings for her any thought?

my husband and I had the SAME PROBLEMS, for some reason when i was pregnant with our daughter (and for some time after and a little still since breastfeeding still makes my hormones a tad wacky). He is the same way as you are (as it seems so far from what you've disclosed) he is a logical thinker, he's TERRIBLE when it comes to emotional stuff and I would just get onto him over the dumbest littlest things. I think i was a tad jealous he got to do what he wanted he got to have a good time hang out with friends and drink I was home tired all the time felt just...like crapp honestly and I would take this all out on him. I wanted more affection, I know he loves me but he's not very good at showing it and when he did it felt fake...and like your wife I'd call him on it. What snapped me out of it was my husband just in the middle of an argument said "your making this hard on me, you're making me feel worthless, you're being a bully, and im not taking this anymore. Clara I love you but you are making it hard for me to love you, if you keep pushing me away eventually i'll be gone" and I think at that point for me I realized how much of an asss i had been towards him...But also i had to go see some counseling cause they thought i could be depressed (i was). How's the weather out there??? What helped me feel better was my husband made me take walks with him...we stayed off of subjects such as the house or work we just talked about friends or things we'd like to do and such...I still get onto him about things, I'm just a high strung person, but if this is just pregnancy hormones it does get better. As for increasing psychosis with pregnancies, I have never heard of that only that every pregnancy has a different effect on the mother...so honestly i don't know...it could be...

my husband and I had the SAME PROBLEMS, for some reason when i was pregnant with our daughter (and for some time after and a little still since breastfeeding still makes my hormones a tad wacky). He is the same way as you are (as it seems so far from what you've disclosed) he is a logical thinker, he's TERRIBLE when it comes to emotional stuff and I would just get onto him over the dumbest littlest things. I think i was a tad jealous he got to do what he wanted he got to have a good time hang out with friends and drink I was home tired all the time felt just...like crapp honestly and I would take this all out on him. I wanted more affection, I know he loves me but he's not very good at showing it and when he did it felt fake...and like your wife I'd call him on it. What snapped me out of it was my husband just in the middle of an argument said "your making this hard on me, you're making me feel worthless, you're being a bully, and im not taking this anymore. Clara I love you but you are making it hard for me to love you, if you keep pushing me away eventually i'll be gone" and I think at that point for me I realized how much of an asss i had been towards him...But also i had to go see some counseling cause they thought i could be depressed (i was). How's the weather out there??? What helped me feel better was my husband made me take walks with him...we stayed off of subjects such as the house or work we just talked about friends or things we'd like to do and such...I still get onto him about things, I'm just a high strung person, but if this is just pregnancy hormones it does get better. As for increasing psychosis with pregnancies, I have never heard of that only that every pregnancy has a different effect on the mother...so honestly i don't know...it could be...

I know this isn't a laughing moment, but after reading what your going through I had to laugh. As i read your messages out loud to my fiance, she also laughed. We are going through the same thing. My feelings have changed because of this and just like you said ignoring her just makes it worse with the argument getting louder. I'm never right, shes always right, and just when i think shes done, she starts with the WHAT IF. My best advise is when you guys are having a good day, sit her down and let her know how much you love her and explain how hard it is to deal with her moods. Try and get her to feel bed while shes sane ( i seem to get a few more good days out of her after doing this before she goes insane again ).

Ryan

I know this isn't a laughing moment, but after reading what your going through I had to laugh. As i read your messages out loud to my fiance, she also laughed. We are going through the same thing. My feelings have changed because of this and just like you said ignoring her just makes it worse with the argument getting louder. I'm never right, shes always right, and just when i think shes done, she starts with the WHAT IF. My best advise is when you guys are having a good day, sit her down and let her know how much you love her and explain how hard it is to deal with her moods. Try and get her to feel bed while shes sane ( i seem to get a few more good days out of her after doing this before she goes insane again ).

ok.. i kinda read the post under your one that said along the lines of 'walk up and tell her you love her and give her a hug' .. HUGE mistake ! Get that close in one of those moods and your likely to have your face ripped off =]From a womans point of view, and been there done that psychotic tantrums... just cop it . I know its not fair, we shouldnt be so mean.. and you might not believe this but its true: sometimes we ( as women) can see ourselves doing these horrible things and we seriously cant help it.. we tell ourselves to shut up but we cant. Hormones are evil. Do you think she has PPD? ( post partum depression) .. this could be a cause.. or maybe its just hormones being a b!tch !

im sorry.. i hope she calms down soon.

ok.. i kinda read the post under your one that said along the lines of 'walk up and tell her you love her and give her a hug' .. HUGE mistake ! Get that close in one of those moods and your likely to have your face ripped off =]From a womans point of view, and been there done that psychotic tantrums... just cop it . I know its not fair, we shouldnt be so mean.. and you might not believe this but its true: sometimes we ( as women) can see ourselves doing these horrible things and we seriously cant help it.. we tell ourselves to shut up but we cant. Hormones are evil. Do you think she has PPD? ( post partum depression) .. this could be a cause.. or maybe its just hormones being a b!tch !

" I wanted you before you were conceived .. i loved you before i met you .. and now .. i couldnt live a day without you"

From:
Landminesgirl

To: simtek96

Posted: Dec-03 05:08 PM (13 of 16)

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I think I've been irrational during my pregnancy, not to the degree you describe with your wife, but I've been overly-hormonal and make arguments where there doesn't need to be one. What helped for us is that my husband talked with me about it when I was in a good mood, not in the middle of a tirade. When I was thinking logically, he made a lot of sense. And now if I start to go off the deep end, he just will say something that reminds me of our conversation. It works pretty well, I haven't had a real outburst in a couple months. Good luck!

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I think I've been irrational during my pregnancy, not to the degree you describe with your wife, but I've been overly-hormonal and make arguments where there doesn't need to be one. What helped for us is that my husband talked with me about it when I was in a good mood, not in the middle of a tirade. When I was thinking logically, he made a lot of sense. And now if I start to go off the deep end, he just will say something that reminds me of our conversation. It works pretty well, I haven't had a real outburst in a couple months. Good luck!

sounds to me like she either might have depression, or there is a communication problem. maybe a few trust issues tossed in too if shes asking you if youve been having sex. i agree with the PP about talking to her when shes in a good mood and at the peak of rationality.Â

good luck!

sounds to me like she either might have depression, or there is a communication problem. maybe a few trust issues tossed in too if shes asking you if youve been having sex. i agree with the PP about talking to her when shes in a good mood and at the peak of rationality.Â

This is my first pregnancy (7 weeks along) and last week there was about 2 1/2 days where no one could do anything right and any small things I could normally look past in daily life was just absolutely unacceptable. I knew I was being irrational but I couldn't do anything about it. Hormones can do crazy things to pregnant women. Thankfully that was only a short episode, but I did get in a pretty good fight with my husband who didn't believe it was hormones, and it went on until Christmas day. I completely understand the circular arguments/fights. It's pretty much the only thing that happens in this household.

I would say another poster had a good idea, next time you're at the doctors, ask. Or if it gets to be more than you can handle before the next appt, call the doctor.

This is my first pregnancy (7 weeks along) and last week there was about 2 1/2 days where no one could do anything right and any small things I could normally look past in daily life was just absolutely unacceptable. I knew I was being irrational but I couldn't do anything about it. Hormones can do crazy things to pregnant women. Thankfully that was only a short episode, but I did get in a pretty good fight with my husband who didn't believe it was hormones, and it went on until Christmas day. I completely understand the circular arguments/fights. It's pretty much the only thing that happens in this household.

I would say another poster had a good idea, next time you're at the doctors, ask. Or if it gets to be more than you can handle before the next appt, call the doctor.

My usual question in regards to this topic is, does she regret her actions afterward? How is that reaction? Does she come back afterward and say, "I realize that was really mean or crazy, and I'm sorry. It's these darn hormones that got me crazy."? Or does she use the hormones as an excuse? "I am allowed to be a ***** because my hormones are crazy"? The former is fine, and you can put up with that. No one is allowed to be mean on purpose, however.

I recommend letting her know that things are affecting you. Not accusatory, of course, but something like, "I know your body is doing weird things, but what you said hurt me." Don't say "I know you didn't mean it" because that is putting words in her mouth. Let her say that.

Assuming she loves you, the fact that she hurt you should give her pause. If she doesn't care about hurting you, then there is a bigger problem.

As for giving her a hug, it reminds me of the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, where his wife told him that every once in a while, she would like him to do that. So one time when she is yelling at him, he tries to hug her. It didn't go well. But it made for a funny scene in the sitcom (I don't remember the exact episode - I think it was one where his wife was made because his mother was butting into their lives too much or something)

****PS that's a joke about the episode, BTW

My usual question in regards to this topic is, does she regret her actions afterward? How is that reaction? Does she come back afterward and say, "I realize that was really mean or crazy, and I'm sorry. It's these darn hormones that got me crazy."? Or does she use the hormones as an excuse? "I am allowed to be a ***** because my hormones are crazy"? The former is fine, and you can put up with that. No one is allowed to be mean on purpose, however.

I recommend letting her know that things are affecting you. Not accusatory, of course, but something like, "I know your body is doing weird things, but what you said hurt me." Don't say "I know you didn't mean it" because that is putting words in her mouth. Let her say that.

Assuming she loves you, the fact that she hurt you should give her pause. If she doesn't care about hurting you, then there is a bigger problem.

As for giving her a hug, it reminds me of the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, where his wife told him that every once in a while, she would like him to do that. So one time when she is yelling at him, he tries to hug her. It didn't go well. But it made for a funny scene in the sitcom (I don't remember the exact episode - I think it was one where his wife was made because his mother was butting into their lives too much or something)

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