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Sep 23 Kai Woe: Bromans Episode 2

A member of the public that I know remarked that Bromans was, “just like Gladiators (the 90s gameshow featuring Alan Partridge’s dream woman Jet) but with Essex people”. I was horrified by her narrow-mindedness and made her watch Episode 2 in front of me whilst I proceeded to point out the genius of the programme and the non-Essex origins of the contestants.

The lessons in Classical Civilization came thick and fast this week as we were shown a quasi-authentic gladiator training school that was referred to as a ‘palaestra’ by Doctore. Doctore reminded us of the ancient art of rhetoric when he used asyndeton in the tautological tricolon “Rip him, tear him, beat him”. Dominus also quipped the Roman adage, “In wine there is truth” (disappointingly not in Latin) before introducing an oenologically-themed interlude.

There were also echoes of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra this week as we watched ‘big unit’ Liam enter the arena with muscles growing upon muscles, but suffer the ignominy of disastrous double-defeat. He was then verbally lashed by his wife who seemed to hate him and perhaps hurt him more than the failures themselves. Will she stand by her man or stand behind him next week?

The biggest news this week though was the exit of the Classically named Kai. He formed a gnostic partnership with his partner Modina and they once again confirmed this week that Caesar was indeed a Roman. Modina was not happy with Kai’s performance in one of the games and their switches between I love yous/I hate yous was reminiscent of how I like to imagine the conversations between Rome’s other tumultuous pairing in their final days, Romulus and Remus. Kai’s wisdom will be greatly missed from the show for it was he who stated the brilliantly epigrammatic warning, “Don’t poke a lion with a stick”. His greatest musing though was “Gladiators weren’t made in Essex. Gladiators were made in Rome.” His witty use of parallelism here sums up the simplicity of this timeless show and shows why it is both an educational spectacle and a spectacular education.

Don't get too attached to the contestants though for not all who enter this entertainment will remainment.