As explained in the
previous blog
post, expectations are coming from our memory data base. Each memory can
either contains a negative (example: fear), a positive (for instance:
excitement) or a neutral experience.

For instance, we can
expect that the baby who is with us in the kitchen, will want to explore
everything that we do in the kitchen and therefore, they would reach their
hands towards the oven's door.

In this scenario,
our expectations would either carry a negative reaction such as fear that the
baby will get burned by the oven's heat; or we would be neutral to the
experience and we trust ourselves that we would calmly direct the situation to
the best possible outcome as explained in the previous blog.

We want to get
ourselves to a point of neutrality where our past memories do not shape, hold
power and create our present and future moments. Where we can look with common
sense at any given situation and decide which/what direction to take, that
would bring the best possible outcome to whomever is involved as.

Where and how to
start -

Step 1:

Look at your day and
identify 3-5 moments where you had an expectation that something NEGATIVE would
happened.

Look at your day and
identify 3-5 moments where you had an expectation that something POSITIVE would
happened.

(Note - At this
step, all you need to do is write down a list of the Negative and Positive
expectations)

Step 2:

Take 1 Negative
expectation and 1 Positive expectation from your list that you wrote down in
step 1 and identify the memory that is associated with your positive/negative
expectation.

For example, say
that you identified in step 1 that at one point during your day, you expected
your baby to touch the oven's door and you reacted in fear to the situation.

In step 2, you will
investigate the memory that is associated with the expectation above:

"When I was 3
years old, I was with my mother in the kitchen while she was cooking and I
wanted to see what she is doing with the tray in the oven; so I opened the
oven's door to take out the tray and check out what is inside BUT, the tray was
super hot and I got 2 degree burn. My mother started shouting and fricking out;
I remember how painful it was and I have a scar till this day… So now, every
time I see a little child/baby by the oven, this memory comes up of how my
mother rushed me in the hospital.

This step is to
support you with identifying how a past memory that is contaminated with
negative emotion is locking you in your mind because whenever you see a child
nearby an oven, you are kind of fricking out and expecting the child to do what
you did as a child.

Step 3:

Preparing for a real
time correction - Take your writing from step 2 and see how you can prepare
yourself for the next moment you see a child by the oven.

For example, write
down a corrective statement - Every time I see a child nearby an oven, I
firstly take a breath.

"I remind
myself that holding onto my own past memory is like locking myself in my own
mind where I am unable to assess my direct environment and decide on the best
approach at any given moment.

In fact, as long as
I react in fear to the situation, I most likely create that which I fear and
the child will get hurt. Why, because I am not standing as a support structure
for this baby where I take them through the time lines of potential consequences
and provide them with possible solution. And thus, Instead of standing as a
point of guidance for the child, I am reacting in fear and the child is not
educated on WHY they must not touch the hot surface without protection
devices/tools like for instance, silicon gloves.

This is why, I
commit myself to, in the best of my ability, discuss the point with the child
and share with them the consequences of touching hot surface without designated
tools to protect the hands/body from the heat. "

So here are a few
steps to help you identifying your negative/positive reactions to past memories
that are controlling your day to day reality as you expect the memories to
manifest again. Once Identified, you can start structuring your correction to
get yourself to neutrality in these specific situations.