Thursday, August 7, 2008

Through the studies of our agents in the W3E Services, it has been confirmed that the female gender of the human species are in fact evil. Studies conclude that association with the female gender may inflict, and are not included to; nervousness, stuttering, decrease in self esteem, anxiety, shyness, awkwardness and male pattern baldness.The lead researcher and CEO of W3E services has produced a supporting critical hypothesis of those studies and concludes that many, if not all, specimens of the female gender only desire the most handsome of the male gender and treat all other males with disdain or completely ignore them. Such treatment which in some males instill a loathing to associating with the aforementioned females, claims CEO Wally the Third.

Outside sources also cite the recent fanaticism with Twilight as evidence to the hypothesis as many young female specimens wish that they too could be with one of the characters of the book, who is super fast, super strong, and appears to be a sun deprived supermodel that glitters in the sun light, or another character who appears older than he actually is, won't age, is tall, ripped muscles and can shapeshift into a wolf and where the protagonist is frequently ogling the previously mentioned character. Researchers at W3E Services however have not commented as to whether or not they will use Twilight as evidence to further their hypothesis.

It is also rumored that much of the research conducted by W3E Services is taken from the Academic Journals of the Calvin and Hobbes Corporation, changing the findings from girls are icky to girls are evil. Neither company has issued comments in light of those accusations, but stocks have declined significantly for W3E Services even thought they have said they have no plans for forming an all mens organization to exclude females.

As to whether or not this has any bearing on the day to day lives of the average American citizen, is yet to be seen.

The opinions expressed herein or statements made in the above column do not necessarily reflect the views of Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM and he accepts no responsibility for failure to recognize the humor, how little there may be, of the above post. Sam retains the right to think that girls are not icky, to hang out or go out with them, however little he may actually use it.