Pregnancy Support Group

Welcome to the waiting room for anticipating moms and dads. Whether you're expecting your first or a new little brother or sister, meet other parents in this community who are also looking forward to a new addition to the family.

Babies :)

I have been in a relationship for five years with my partner. I have a daughter that he has been raising since she was born, we are very happy together. Our daughter is 5 and starting school so we really have been thinking about having a baby next year. We are not married and do not want to be force it right now, we're thinking in about four years. I guess I want to know what you guys think about having a child without being married?

My parents weren't married and that was more than 31 years ago. It was hard in a small town but they got along great and had a fantastic relationship. Although they ended the relationship before I was born, my dad was always around and he and Mom still get along well. (They even send each other dirty birthday cards and when his girlfriend died Mom went over and helped him through the funeral.) As a result, I had a good relationship with him. I don't know that I would have had one if they had gotten married and then divorced. My husband and I were not married when we conceived but married when our son was 6 months old. We had to wait that long because he is not a citizen and we were waiting for his visa to come through. My mom essentially raised m by herself and never dated while I was growing up so aside from my dad, who lived a few hours away, I didn't really have a male role model in my life. Haven't seemed to suffer any consequences from that yet. :-)

My thoughts are that it's a personal choice. There are some people who are in love and committed who simply don't believe in marriage. I have a friend like that and he and his girlfriend are looking into buying a house. They already have 4 kids combined so I'm not sure they would add to that, but I'd be all for it if they did.

I don't think out-of-wedlock births are appropriate or fair to the baby. You owe it to any future child to marry the father. If the relationship isn't good enough to justify it, don't have a kid together. It isn't just about what people &quot;believe in,&quot; it is about securing the child's rights. Of course, people can turn out well under any circumstances, but a loving, 2-parent home is the gold standard.

I think it depends on why you aren't planning on getting married anytime soon. Do you not believe in marriage, but have still made a life-long commitment to stay together? If so, then it's probably fine to have a child together.

However, if you're not ready to make the commitment of marriage, then I strongly recommend you not have a baby -- having a child together is a much bigger commitment than marriage, in my opinion!

I think its fine even though i was married before had my son. this day and age there so many marriages end up in divorce anyway. as long as the guy is committed to u and wants a baby , i think its fine.

I totally diasgree with Angie ~ a loving two parent home is definately the aim, but this does not have to mean marriage.

Myself and my partner aren't married and are expecting our first baby in February. In this economic climate, where both weddings and babies are expensive, many couples have to make a decision as to which they want first, especially with biological clocks ticking.

We know we are able to offer a baby a loving and secure home, whether or not there is a ring on my finger. do what is best for you and your family, whatever that may be

I do believe in marriage &amp; I would like to have a ceremony one day with my family there, but right now it is not possible to have my family near me. I do aim for a backyard farm style wedding one day in the future but not right now.

We already have a child, we would like another. The timing in our lives is good in the next couple of years before I began graduate school. Her beginning school is also a good thing for me, because I will have more time to care for the baby, I am a SAHM &amp; student. We are already a two parent household. We have been in premarital counseling for a couple of years and will continue with that. We are committed to each other, I am not sure why people think a piece of paper changes that. And again we already have a child, lol.

I asked because I just wanted to get a general feel of what other people thought. Honestly I am going to go ahead and have a baby next year before I start graduate studies. I am not afraid of marriage, I just want to have a cermoney where my mother and father will be there. Right now that is not possible. I am also not a fan of just going to the courthouse, for me it is more important to show in front of family and friends that you are committed life-long partners and the whole courthouse thing being a by-product of that.

Thanks for all the comments &amp; support :)

And just as a note, I hope nobody really goes off of strangers advice on the internet. To me it's purely informational.

Growing up in a very religious area (although I, myself am not Christian) I was always taught that you should be married to have a child. My mother was an exception to this and she was ostracized. Thankfully, I never felt the effects of this. Once I moved to England, though, it really surprised me at how many friends I had there who had multiple children, were not married, and had no intentions of getting married. They were in domestic partnerships and some had been for 15 or more years. They were happy and well-adjusted and had bright children. As an Anthropologist (well, my degrees are in the subject and I've worked in the field off an on for years and my husband IS one full time) I have learned that it can be a very &quot;cultural&quot; thing. Some people place a lot of value on the actual ceremony, signing of the papers, and legalities of the institution. Some don't, but that doesn't mean that they don't still have that level of commitment, love, trust, and companionship.

I think that loving homes can look very different. I do not think that marriage makes a loving home or a promise that a child will be more loved, cared for or protected from parents splitting up. I think that babies should be brought into the lives of those that want them and will appreciate them regardless of any other circumstances. Good luck as you move forward with this new adventure in your life!

I agree with &quot;Peaceseeker.&quot; I have a lot of gay friends who are raising children and other non-traditional families that raise them and these are healthy, happy homes. On our street, we are actually the only &quot;traditional&quot; family. I.e. Husband, wife, two children.

I wanted to say something about the court house marriage that mentioned, though. I felt weird about doing that but we had to. When my husband's visa FINALLY came in (and it could have taken years but we were lucky) we were only allowed 30 days to get married or else it would have been invalid. We had planned a ceremony for August about a year in advance, thinking it would surely be there by then. Well, it came in June. So we took our son and my mom to the court house with us. Honestly, we ended up liking that ceremony better. It was private, there was no stress and drama, and it was all about us. We repeated vows, ate at our favorite restaurant later, and then played mini golf and went to the movies. When it came time for the &quot;big wedding&quot;, there was so much drama that sometimes I wonder if it was worth it. But the court house ceremony, that ended up being far more special than we had realized.

I think that marriage has nothing to do with choosing to have a child. Babies are loved just as much out of wedlock then in, this is not the olden days so those who think you have to be married to have a baby need to get with the times, my boyfriend and I had a baby and shes fabulous and everyone loves her and shes not struggling so who cares about marriage. We know we love each other and will always be there for her. I am not one bit sorry I wasnt married when I had my baby and I dont give a crap about people who have problem with that. Its a personal choice and like many other things it should be each persons right to choice wether or not to be.

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