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In Basic Instinct Sharon Stone played a psychotic criminal mastermind. In real life she is the victim of a deranged stalker. Stone’s latest run in with her stalker was on Feb 11 (I don’t know if that’s an astrologically significant date for celebrities, but that is also the day that Lara Logan was assaulted in Egypt). That was the day police dropped by Stone’s home and found 38 year old Bradly Gooden making himself at home.

Now Brad had an explanation for why he was there. He told the police that it was his home. He’d come all the way from Ohio to occupy the home because his mother had bought it for him as a present. Now wait until you get who he says his mom is. According to Gooden his mother his Hillary Clinton. He also told the police that his name is Bobby Joe Clinton.

There’s more to Bobby Joe than some stray Clinton who likes to stalk sexy actresses! BJ is also a self styled child prodigy. That is to say that he claims to have written the screen play for The King’s Speech – but completed it when he was 2! He also claims to be an undercover FBI agent, possibly working in some X Files type capacity!

That’s not the professional opinion on him. According to the shrinks, who refer to him by his slave name, Bradly Gooden is one disturbed dude. The pros describe him as “Gooden is a mentally ill individual who has been evaluated by authorities and mental health professionals as delusional and is possibly a delusional schizophrenic.” I like they way that they added ‘possibly‘ onto the ‘delusional schizophrenic‘ tag. It’s like saying Lindsay Lohanpossibly has an addiction issue, or Charlie Sheenseems to like hookers. So opinions vary in the sense that everyone agrees he’s nut’s but no one is sure what to do with him. Then again maybe the shrinks are waiting to see whether Stone is actually playing fiendish mind games with him, like she does in the movies!

As much as you admire anyone for giving an unfortunate the benefit of the doubt, in this case the delusion schizophrenic label has a pretty strong basis. For one thing, and once again accoring to the professionals, “Gooden compulsively traveled across country to locate [Stone] and her house, which he delusionally believes was given to him, and was recently discovered inside.” So that’s a fair indication of psychosis. Then there’s the fact that he calls Hilary “Mommy” and himself “Bobbie Joe Clinton“. Of course that the icing on the cake and the cherry on the top, in clinical diagnostic terms.

Stone isn’t inclined to give Bobby Joe the benefit of any doubt. She’s so sure that he’s a menace that she issued some of the following statements, like “I have been subjected to a course of conduct which has and is seriously alarming, annoying and harassing me,” Stone states in her filing. “I am in fear from Mr. Gooden for my personal safety, and that of those around me, including especially my children and family, as well as my friends and employees.” She’s also had Bobby Joe slapped with a restraining order barring him from coming within 100 feet of Stone, or her children. He’s also barred from contacting her by phone, either in person or indirectly. So courts don’t care who his parents are!

So that leaves things in their current state of disarray. Clinton/Gooden was whisked off for a 5150 psychiatric hold while the shrinks tried to figure out how fucked up he was. Then he was released to a half way house. I guess it will be up to the honor system to hold him to the terms of his restraining order. That’s rough because Bobby Joe is still insisting that the house belongs to him. According to court documents he’s also ‘undeterred‘ from returning to what he views as his property. So that leaves Sharon ‘living in fear‘ and pleading for help from the media and sympathy from the public! I guess that the whole psycho sex stalker thing is a lot less entertaining in real life than it is in the movies; or even in the comics and on Second Life! – sorry Sharon.

Some gals, like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Megan Fox, just seem to attracted a strange obsessive attention. Next to Britney & co. no one attracts attention like Sarah Palin. Though John McCain is responsible for letting the Palin Genie out of the bottle, liberal media types are responsible for keeping the legend alive. Though seriously liberal types might be inclined to ignore her on the basis that she’s a nice lady with some kooky ideas, the spin doctors seem to think that something can be made of her, other than a farce.

Creepy Joe& sincere too

With that in mind, Joe McGuinness, a creepy author with an angle to play, as taken a summer lease in Alaska, and directly next door to the Palin property. While some people are saying that this comes off as stalkerish & creepy, Joe responds that “Creepy is as creepy does” – whatever that means. He also insists that this is ‘field research’, and also stems from his great love for Alaska and desire to see it personally. So now here’s Creepy Joe to explain what in the hell he thinks he’s doing:

“If you wanna get to know me better then facebook me – like all those other slightly creepy guys!”

Now Creepy Joe ain’t gonna call Sarah some kind of Nazi, though he insists that she has unleashed the slobbering rabid hounds of hell upon us. Some might remark that if you have a sore sport the wisest thing is to stop picking at it until it goes away. However I can’t help thinking that if his penchant for wild overstatement is any indication than this is gonna be one humdinger of a book! Besides, at least he’s found a woman close to his own age range to stalk, unlike Dr. Drew Pinsky who is probably Gawker Stalking Lindsay Lohan even now!

Tiger Woods is used to working under a microscope. He’s easily the focus of any tournament in which he participates. Since his highly publicized sex scandal he’s gone from a microscopic level of scrutiny to an electron microscope level. People want to know how many women he did it with and how exactly he did. At least tattoos and neo nazi porno strippers weren’t involved, but that’s about as much as you can say.

Now Tiger made some noises about retiring from golf for a while. That would be impractical more for the PGA than for Woods. His money’s made but without him the PGA is about as exciting as drying paint. So Woods is back in the game. He even gave a news conference a few weeks back in which he said that he’s sorry that everyone is sorry, and went on to talk about everything and explain nothing. He’s also lined up to play in the Masters.

Woods hasn’t won the Masters in about 5 years. So how will the extra dose of pressure affect him? Here’s what a panel of expert commentators had to say on the matter. You should find it as enlightening as Tiger’s news conference!

As for how Tiger Woods will handle the pressure, you just have to tune in and watch golf’s #1 swinging in action to find out. Many will be doing just that, so the PGA ought’a be pleased. Personally I’m guessing that he’ll probably perform better than Kate Gosselin and her poor benighted dance partner on DWTS. Now handling Kate Gosselin is really dealing with high pressure! Not even Jesse James would want a piece of that action, and he’d do anyone!

So who is behind the threats against ESPN’s Erin Andrews – America’s most beloved peep hole sports commentator? Official word is that it could be one of her many obsessed stalkers. However the possibility that Kate Gosselin is pulling some kind of “Tonya Harding” can’t be ruled out.

Tiger’s big news conference is later today, so stay tuned.

BTW as a special Wondertrash service to readers here are the Canada Revenue Agency numbers that you might need while filing your tax returns.

Remember that Wondertrash is the blog that keeps you out of trouble, usually by reminding you how everyone else got into trouble.

Many people wonder how they can get in touch with their favorite celeb. Celebs guard their privacy almost as zealously as they cultivate their image and court publicity. Their e mail addresses, real addresses, phone numbers, etc., are closely guarded secrets. So if you want more than the occasional tweet, what are you to do? Well stalkers, there’s good news – it is possible.

Dreams can come true, it can happen to you!

Carlos Guillermo Diaz is a fan of the actress Rhona Mitra. So much so that he created an online shrine for her at facebook. Somehow word got back to Ms. Mitra about this innocent yet creepy fan devotion. So she rewarded Mr. Diaz for his devotion by getting in contact with him! He was so happy that he wanted to share the news with the world!

nice big fake boobs you’ve got there Ms. Slutty!

Good things come to those who wait. In this case warnings come to those who stalk. Apparent the constant references to Ms. Mitra’s boobs – they’re fake & her 1st pair was installed by her own father the noted London plastic surgeon Dr. Anthony Mitra; and her sex life – just because she plays an oversexed tramp in the movies doesn’t mean that the image is any more real than her breatds – finally got under her skin like so much non surgical grade silicon or unwelcome latex! Carlos was told to buzz off! He was told by Ms. Mitra herself though, & that’s the main thing!

breasts are a sore spot – or at least a sensitive subject

So if you want to be contacted by some one like Ms. Mitra just start making references online to her big fake plastic tits, or speculate openly about whether she’s the kind of nympho in real life that she plays in the flicks! If you’re irratating and creepy enough who knows – you just might get that very special message you’ve been waiting for.

Actress works with the stalkers she knows & trusts?

Be warned though. These Internet things don’t always work out. Ms. Mitra is not one to be messed with. Shortly after Carlos received his long awaited acknowledgment, he was ousted as admin of his facebook page. He was soon replaced by Elbert N. Edgenton (real name??).

but seriously

Now this guy is like the new marshal in town, and sent out a reminder that Rhona Mitra is a serious actress (at least of the caliber of Xenia Seeberg or Jamie Murray) and that sleazy shenanigans will not be tolerated. So long Carlos!

Be warned!

So if you feel the need to get personal with your favorite celeb then you might peak their interest by tweaking their nose. Don’t be too surprised if you hear from their lawyer instead. Like they say, it’s a bad idea to meet your heroes in person! Maybe you could settle for buying their used underwear & Kleenex on EBay? With cloning technology advancing by the second who knows what dividends such investments might soon pay out?Besides, what good are celebs’ restraining orders when hope is involved?

Ryan Seacrest doesn’t seem like a guy who’d inspire strong feeling, but he’s managed to pick up at least one stalker. In fact Seacrest recently had a hairy run in with his deranged fan. Ryan was outside the Children’s Hospital of Orange County when he came face to face with Chidi Benjamin Uzomah, Jr, 25. Ryan’s crack security team suspected that Uzomah wasn’t just another autograph seeker. So they intervened. Uzomah didn’t take it kindly. A brawl ensued. Uzomah choked one guard nearly unconscious!

Well that’s when the police got involved. Luckily too, since Uzomah was carrying a conceal weapon in the form of a switchblade. Mr Uzomah was then hustled off to the station where he was booked for, among other things, carrying a concealed weapon. He’s being held on $25 000 bail. There’ll probably be some sort of psych assessment too. Who in their right mind is a fan of Seacrest?

BTW have you seen Jennifer’s Body yet? I’m told that it’s not as bad as we were lead to believe.

Tyra Banks takes the stand to day against her alleged stalker Brady Green. Green – a drifter from Dublin, Georgia – is alleged to have done creepy stuff like sending Banks love letter sand flowers. Oh yeah and he also threatened to kill one of Banks producers, and claims to have a fleet of satellites keeping banks under constant surveillance. Gren was nabbed while lurking just out side Banks Chelsea Productions – the studio where her show is taped.