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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I used to be Christian. A long time ago. I found out it wasn't for me because I was always stressed about what sin I committed and rather or not I remembered to ask forgiveness for a particular sin. I also was stressed because Christianity was too strict for me. I couldn't watch certain television shows, listen to certain music, play certain video games. Heck, to be perfectly honest, you aren't really supposed to do anything unless it in some way glorifies the Christian God. The one thing I did like about Christianity was the connection I felt to a few other people and to God. It wasn't enough though to outweigh the constant stress of all the rules. I am not bashing the religion, just saying it wasn't for me anymore.

Fast forward, I met my wife 6 years ago. She's Wiccan. She's always had a connection to her Deity(s). I remained Atheist because I just wasn't sure anymore.

After some soul searching, I began to believe that a God or Goddess or some form of Deity exists in the form that the particular person chooses to believe in. I believe this way because I have seen people in the Christian faith be touched by God, and I have felt it briefly myself. I have witnessed pagan rituals that were meant to set a lost, trapped, or wayward spirit or ghost free. I believe it worked because the reports of the noises and such that occurred stopped.

Fast forward to about 9 months ago. My wife started getting contacted via dreams by a Goddess. The Goddess told my wife several different things that would happen, the first of which, when her grandmother, who was on her way out, would finally go and be at peace. The Goddess was right. Throughout several more months, The Goddess, who she found out was Rhiannon, told her more things would happen, which all were correct. She has a very strong and close connection to her Goddess.

So now, I want to be Wiccan. I want that connection again. I feel a void in my life that I believe is a spiritual one. My questions are the following though:

1. Are their Wiccan men? (I am a male.)
2. Can you be Wiccan without having a connection to a certain Goddess?
3. Who do Wiccans worship.
4. Is it wrong to be jealous of my wife and want a connection like she has, knowing that maybe not all Wiccans experience what she has.
5. Anything else I should know about this area of Wicca?

My wife researched Goddesses before she knew Her name, and interestingly enough, we play a game called World of Warcraft, and my wife's main character is and always has been Rhiannan. Through research of Goddesses, she felt a strong connection to the Goddess Rhiannon, and the next dream she called Her by that name, and She confirmed she was correct.

I have tried researching Goddesses myself to see if I feel any kind of connection to any, and have yet to find it. Maybe I am doing it wrong. Maybe I am not meant to have one. I have no idea. I just know that I feel Wicca is right for me but I am completely lost as to what to do now.

I have talked to my wife but she doesn't have all the answers either. I am not expecting to find someone who has all the answers, but maybe some people who do have SOME answers that I have not found yet.