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March 20, 2017

The Day She Just Gave Up.

Melissa Snow

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She finally decided that she was going to give up. She just couldn’t take it anymore.

It had been going on for so many years, and it always hurt. It always made her feel worse. There was no joy to be found, no love.

She saw that it was harmful, that it flowed like a poison in her veins. For so long, she’d tried to understand why she did it. For so long, she tried to reason with it and to change.

She thought it would always be a losing battle, always something she had to struggle against, always something she had to fight and fix.

She thought this all her life, until this one day when the sun came out, and there was a soft breeze in the air. She breathed in the smell of spring, the scent of things growing, transforming, and coming back to life. And finally, on this one day, for no reason in particular, or maybe for some reason she could not understand, she finally decided that it was time to give up and that this would be the day she was done.

She was done listening to the voice in her head, and that was the day she just gave it up.

She gave up believing that she was not good enough.

She gave up thinking she was not thin enough, and stopped pinching the skin on her stomach in disgust.

She gave up believing that she was not young enough when she looked in the mirror, and instead of seeing wrinkles, she saw lines of laughter and joy.

She stopped thinking she was not smart enough, and knew that actually, she was quite smart.

She gave up hating herself because she realized that it only brought more hate.

She gave up waking up tired every morning because she realized she had slept well.

She let go of believing she didn’t have enough time, and started to believe that she always had time for the important things.

She let go of thinking that everyone else was happier, prettier, more successful, and had a better life than her—and she started focusing on herself.

She gave up blaming her family, and realized that she had the power to let go of her past and move on with her future.

She gave up holding onto things like money, possessions, and ideas—and she started to share them with everyone she knew. She realized that the more she gave away, the lighter she felt.

She gave up thinking she was right all the time, and instead of trying to teach others, she began to listen and saw that she could learn instead.

She gave up being mean because it made her feel small and ugly, and she saw that the kinder she was the more she love she felt.

She gave up thinking she needed more, and saw that she liked living with less because it gave her more time for the important things.

She gave up her to-do lists, the lines, the numbers, the need to cross things off, and instead she opened up to a world of possibility.

She gave up saying the words “I can’t,” and “I don’t,” and “I won’t,” and “I’m not,” and replaced them with words like “I can,” “I will,” “I do,” and “I am.”

She let go of making herself miserable by always wanting more, and began looking at everything that she had.

She gave up feeling overwhelmed and stressed, and began to take deeper breaths throughout the entire day.

She gave up spending so much time in her head and started doing things that brought her into her body.

She gave up feeling lost, and she knew that she was on the right path.

She gave up the idea of reaching the destination and began to take pleasure in the journey.

She gave up feeling alone in the world and looked up at the blue sky, smelled the flowers, heard the birds sing, and knew she was not alone.

She gave up thinking she’d never find someone to love her the way she wanted them to, and began to love herself that way.

She gave up thinking that things were better in the past and would be better in the future, and she began to fall in love with where she is today.

She let go of giving up on things, and she realized that it was because she was afraid of succeeding.

She let go of believing that she didn’t fit in, and started to celebrate all of her unique qualities.

She gave up putting things off and realized that today was the only day she had.

She gave up feeling stuck and started to see that by giving up, she was moving forward.

She gave up the thought that no one would ever truly understand her, and she began to listen to her heart.

She simply closed her eyes and listened to what was inside of her. She listened to her strong, steady beating heart. Her heart told her that everything was okay, and that it would always be okay. Her heart said that everyone felt all of these same things, and that she could try to understand others instead of waiting for them to understand her.

Her heart told her that today was the perfect day to give up. To give up all of those beliefs. Her heart told her that it was time to be done, and that everything had led up to this point in time. Her heart told her that the voice in her head would probably continue to try to be heard, like voices do, but it also told her that she didn’t have to believe it anymore. And in that moment she knew that it wasn’t that voice she should trust…it was her heart.

And the sun was warm, and the breeze was soft, and she walked along by herself on this spring day humming a sweet song.

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