My Love

Goofy Caleb

Spunky Hannah

Baby Joshua

Our Rainbow Baby, Luke

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Once again this verse rang true today. It replayed over and over in my head like a broken record. "Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged. The Lord your God is with you wherever you go." 2 commands, 1 promise. It's that simple.

We got a call this morning, from the tax people looking over our IRS issue. They said that the IRS is right and that we do in fact have to pay the amount owed by May 26th. "Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged."

We sat in the lobby waiting for Kim, another HLHS mommy whose son is currently in the NICU recovering from his first surgery. "Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged."

We watched Joshua's heart on the computer monitor in silence whlie the cardiologist looked things over. "Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged."

"For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." In the NICU, in the doctor's office, in the car while on the phone.

God's promises were made very clear to both Shane and myself today. His peace has surrounded us, and is consuming us. We are rejoicing in what God has given us.

There is so much to say. So many little miracles that happened throughout the day. So many ways that God made himself very clear and very real to both of us. (this will probably be a really scattered post because there is so much to share....forgive me please!)

The cardiologist told us that everything with Joshua's heart looks perfect. No, he is not HLHS free, and there is not 100% healing. But, we have the best- worst case scenario. The right ventricle is strong, the valve is wokring properly, the aorta is small, but he's not concerned about that. Everything is working properly minus the left side of his heart that he is still missing. Dr. K does not anticipate any changes in Joshua's heart and feels that the surgery will be a success.

I haven't posted what I'm about to write because I have been wanting to completely trust in what God has been telling me. I have wanted to continuously pray over what I feel God has whispered to my soul. For the past few days, God has been telling me, "I will not take HLHS away from Joshua, but I will make it managable." This has not been an audible promise, but it is something that I have been "hearing" from the deepest places within me. He has been telling me this over and over and over. This promise has consumed me.

I did a post about peace just a few days ago. That is when God made that promise clear to me. And I have been praying over that promise since the moment he laid it on my heart. I have been clinging to that promise, and praising God for that peace.

This however does not mean that everything from this point forward is going to be all butterflies and rainbows. I strongly believe that we still have some extremely tough times ahead of us. But God's promise is still true. He will make it managable. Managable could still mean death, it could still mean hard decisions, it could still mean any number of things. But He will make it managable. He has given us His peace, His promise, His Spirit, and most importantly His Son. With all of those things, how could it not be managable?

Shane and I are going to bed tonight full of hope, trust, and peace. We still have a VERY long road ahead of us, that will surely be full of bumps and potholes, but we will get through it.

Please continue to pray that nothing changes with Joshua's heart before birth. Please continue to pray that this peace that surrounds us stays and we don't become "discouarged or terrified." Please continue to pray for Joshua's life and for God's will to be done.

I will post more about our experiences from today very soon. There are so many of them, that this would be a loooooong post. So I'll split it up a bit!

Just continue to pray. God is hearing our prayers and He is working in ways that we can't even imagine!

My prayers are continually with you Jill. I'll pray for you and Shane to have the peace that God has given you and that you will not waiver. His promises are true and He never goes back on what He has promised.