Humor

5 Video Game Fashions That Need to Catch On in Real Life

The oversized-metal-gauntlets-and-shoulder-pads look has been a hot trend in video games for some time. Kratos, Samus Aran, the Prince of Persia, Ivy from Soulcalibur -- they all proudly rock the gauntlets and shoulder pads, and why not?

Gauntlets are an underappreciated fashion accessory. They keep your forearms warm in the winter and shaded in the summer, they protect you from painful Indian burns, and they can cover up that Foghorn Leghorn tattoo you thought was a fantastic idea when you were drunk last weekend.

As for shoulder pads, come on -- everyone from the '80s looked so cool for a reason. Shoulder pads make men look manlier, and women look like they should be heading up important business meetings (even when they're only wearing five square inches of clothing). Walk into your office tomorrow wearing razor-covered gauntlets and massive golden shoulder pads and we guarantee everyone will treat you differently.

4. Hair Clothes

At first glance, Bayonetta is just another of the video game industry's patented "strong female protagonists" who dresses in ridiculous fetish gear -- until, of course, you learn her clothes are actually made of her own hair. Simply wrapping yourself in your own pungent locks may sound a little gross, but man, think of the savings. No having to spend money on haircuts or trips to the Gap -- all you'd need to invest in is a body-length mirror and some industrial-strength hairspray.

"But wait," you ask. "Wouldn't shampoo and conditioner costs go through the roof?"

Maybe not. Once you commit to the idea of wrapping your hair around your genitals like a loincloth, you've clearly already given up on keeping your mane pristine. Besides, just think about how many sexy pheromones your Captain Caveman fur suit would trap! The ladies would be lining up to part their hair pants.

5. Shoes and Nothing Else

Hair clothes are one thing... but for the ultimate in decadence, you need to look toward the '90s' top platforming stars. Sonic, Kirby, Ristar -- all proud ambassadors of the nude-except-for-shoes look.

It may seem like a shocking fashion choice at first, but going au naturel from your neck to your ankles just makes sense. Shoes protect your feet from rocks and glass, but what purpose do pants and shirts really serve? You're not covering up anything everyone hasn't seen before! Don't let the squares hold you down -- if it's OK for blue hedgehogs and sentient pink marshmallows, it should be OK for everybody.

Don't worry, you can ease into the look; if you're feeling too exposed in only a pair of shoes, you can complement them with a nice pair of white gloves. If you're still on the fence, just think about the happy kids in third-world countries laughing and playing now that they no longer have to work in sweatshops making your khakis.