This blog will probably get a post from time to time, but if I were you I wouldn't expect a lot of activity here. I'm just a guy with a few banjos and a handful of yo-yos and I'll write about that sort of thing as the mood strikes - and that probably won't be very often, but hopefully what I post will be meaningful to someone; or at the very least, amusing.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Wrong Number

The following is an all day conversation that took place between myself and a stranger that sent me a text message. I'm not quite sure where this went wrong, but for whatever reason, my initial attempts to tell the "texter" that he had the wrong number didn't go as planned.

I imported the conversation from my phone and converted it to a format that I can use here, but the spelling or lack of spelling is all original. I couldn't make this up if I tried. :) I made one or two minor edits and I changed the names, but nothing that changes the dialog.

I'm getting in the car for lunch, it's 1:25pm on Friday, and I get the following text.

Him -- 1:25pm - Was up this is Shane do u wont 2b buddey if so text back if not dont but dont tell diane please.

I should probably translate that, but I think you can figure it out. I did.

Anyway, I ignored it. Figured if I didn't respond back he'd get the idea, and check his number. I was wrong. Almost an hour later I get another message.

Him -- 2:17pm - U dont wont 2be frands

Frands? Yes, I live in the South. I responded:

Me -- 02:18pm -no

I hoped that would do it. The next message I got gave me hope that it was over.

Him -- 02:19pm - Cool

I was wrong. In a few minutes I got the following:

Him -- 02:31pm - Do u wont me 2 lose ur number

To which I responded

Me -- 02:32pm - Since i have no idea who you are, yes.

The next round of text took an interesting turn.

Him -- 02:50pm - U going 2 tell on me

Me -- 02:53pm - Why would i? I don't know you.

Him -- 03:35pm - U can get 2 know me by text me

Me -- 03:36pm - Rather not

Him -- 03:50pm - Dam y not your somking ass hot we would be frands i have a sweet boat i go 2 the lake all the time iam not a bad person iam realy cool

Now, I'm a nice looking guy (my mom says so). But "somking ass hot" has, as far as I know, never been used to describe me. When I showed this to some friends and to Tina they all laughed. So much for my ego. Anyway, on with the story...

When he mentioned the boat, I was reminded of an old joke so I responded

Me -- 04:00pm - Send pic of boat

He sent me a picture of the boat!

Him -- 04:04pm - dont seen 2 her

I can only assume he doesn't want me to send it to Diane. He's apparently worried.

Now here's the segue into him asking me out. I say me, but I'm guessing he really doesn't know it's me... unless he does, which I'm hoping he didn't, but you never know. Anyway, I figure, he had his chance to terminate our "relationship," but since he didn't I figured I could play along a little.

Him -- 04:45pm - I here u leav close 2 the lake

Me -- 05:17pm - Close enough

Him -- 05:29pm - Yal iam go 2mor

Me -- 05:31pm - What time

Him -- 05:41pm - If the kids r mean and u need more money let me know u like fishing

Me -- 05:44pm - More into tubing or swimming, but fishing is ok too

Him -- 05:45pm - Litt cold 4 that unles ur crazy

Me -- 05:54pm - Been known to be crazy

Him -- 06:02pm - So r u telling me u wont 2 go

At this point I figure it's a good idea to bring up Diane again.

Me -- 06:04pm - Don't you think she'll be mad?Him -- 06:30pm - Yal but its all good i like 2 have fun u in

Now he wants a picture of me. Since he thinks he knows who he's texting, I resist. No reason to end this ride so quick. I've been at this since lunch.

A minute later he's sent me his picture. I've debated posting it, but probably shouldn't. I've been amused at his stupidity, but the last thing I want to do is set him up for even more difficulty with Diane if anyone recognizes him.

I figure he's thinking he's got a date lined up. He asks me again if I'm going fishing with him. I've played with him long enough, it's time to cut him loose.

Him -- 09:38pm - Ur going ri ghtMe -- 09:39pm - i don't think so. I'm probably not your typeHim -- 09:44pm - YMe -- 09:46pm - Too old for youHim -- 09:50pm - WhatMe -- 09:53pm - remember today when i said i didn't know you? I was serious. I'm obviously not who you think i am.Him -- 10:05pm - What i dont get itHoly Moly, what's it take to get through to him? He's as sharp as a bag of wet mice. So I ask:Me -- 10:06pm - Who do you think i am?Him -- 10:10pm - Just tel me Me -- 10:14pm - Just someone twice your age. I told you several times that i didn't know you. You obviously didn't believe me. Maybe you do nowHim -- 10:15pm - Who r uMe -- 10:18pm - no one you know. I have no idea who you are. Why not just delete this number and try another one. Maybe you'll get the right one next time

I guess that wasn't clear enough. The saga continues.

Him -- 10:20pm - U know diane so who r uMe -- 10:23pm - you're the one that mentioned her. I have on clue who she isHim -- 10:42pm - I look at all my text i did not say her name so who is thisMe -- 10:45pm - It was in the first message you sent.

How hard is this stuff? Really, it's just text messaging.

The final round.

Him -- 10:47pm - Y your number in her phoneMe -- 10:50pm - I have no clue. But you've got the wrong numberHim -- 10:51pm - Sweet

The 10:47 message brings up a couple other questions I'd like to ask him, but I leave it.

The next thing I did was take the few things I knew about him based on the conversation and do a Google search. I got a hit right off. I found Diane's Myspace page, and a link back to Shane's Myspace page. It was him. The pictures proved it out. He was 23, married to Diane and has 3 kids. Yet he figures to have himself a little extra-curricular activity with a number he found in his wife's phone. Idiot.

Message to Shane

You're 23. You're young. Don't screw this up. You've got a pretty wife that loves you (she says so on her Myspace page). You have three little kids. You can throw all that away and wind up paying child support for the next 18 years. You have something that many people can only dream about.

Finally, if you're still compelled to cheat on your wife, don't get a number from her phone! Sheesh!!!