Thursday, September 02, 2004

from: the libido and the moonJuly 23,2003

To the beach I go. I went. And i'm still here.

"

Tuesday morning I was asked twice of what my plans were for that day. This caught me by surprise, for not only did I have nothing to do but I had no time to think of anything to do...to tell them. "Humph", I thought. Then I asked back, "what are you up to today?", he replied with this and with that and it all sounded so very extrodinary. I slumped with envy and shame at my nothingness.

Where were my Jersey sisters with grand plans?!? Why were they still in Austin?!?

So I drove off, gave a honk at the boy without his shirt doing that lusty manuel labor thing and I began to ponder...and ponder...until depression fell over me as the reality of my twentysomething failures set into view. But pity party me not. This setting of falling setted me off and down i-35 I flew, doing the speed limit; neverless, I was motivated.

I looked forward and not at that pie in the sky of 10 years from now I all to often get stuck drooling after, but to October and Novemeber; December and Janurary. Something had to be done and after lunch and conversation at Taco Express with Heather and Scott I was taking care of business, a semester full of F's bizness. That felt goood, real goood. I can now go back to school when I want and where I want, just Uncle Sam is cutting me off the sugar tree until further notice or until I cut off my arms and legs, which is what I'd need to do to be able to pay them back by the date they want. No worries, i'm ok-your ok, right hippie man?!?

Back to the beach prelude:

There I was in Austin, getting spell bound by the trails and hills reminding me of the good ol' days: the hours spent walking and exploring, sitting and reading, thinking and wishing, but most importantly chilling with Purpose. Purpose or Security, everyone needs it, we all seek it in some way or another and some go the distance of making purpose their security or security their purpose. It's the big universal schtick, i think. Like dinner and a movie. Well, blah blah blah, I decided to drive another 3 hours south and visit my parents in Corpus seeing as how I could and why the hell not.

It's been lovely, my mother is the most perfect being ever, my father a hoot and the clear skies, crashing waves, soft sand in-between my toes-perfect.