Friday, September 21, 2012

EXCERPT:
General Bruce had left the Royal Palace early in the morning to recruit some more generals for the camping trip. It was decided that there would be two teams of three: King Martin, Iceman and G-Boa on one team, against General Bruce and two generals of his choice on the other. At the army base, the generals had just finished their daily routine of a 200 metre run, followed by 1,000 press-ups and 5,000 sit-ups. About 100 generals were playing one of their favourite games, called pile-on. The game was simple and brutal: whichever general was sweating the most after the daily exercise routine got piled on by the rest of the generals, an act which often resulted in a broken potato slice, or worse. General Bruce walked into the courtyard to see 100 generals piling on the sweaty victim and after a minute they got up laughing.
“Oh man, that was the best pile-on ever,” shouted one general.
“Wait a minute, General Crush isn’t moving – he’s dead!” said General Clementine.
“General Crushed is a more ironic name for him now,” said General Nectarine.
The generals piled on his dead body again, laughing and clearly enjoying the game.
“Soldiers!” shouted an angry General Bruce. “Do you realize what you are doing? You are piling on a dead general. Show him some honour and give me 10,000 press-ups out of respect.”
The generals obeyed every word that came out of General Bruce’s mouth; he was their outright leader and commanded respect. They proceeded to do their exercise and then gave General Crush a proper burial.
Twenty minutes later, the 100 generals had assembled in the courtyard to listen to what General Bruce had to say.
“I’m going to choose two generals to compete with me on my team in various camping challenges and outdoor activities. I’ve looked at the medal board and there are two clear leaders. Generals Jupiter and Neptune, you’ve proved yourselves to be the bravest, strongest and most selfless of all the generals in Mt Hiba. I would be honoured if you two could join me.”
“The honour would be ours,” they both replied together.
“Excellent, we’re due back at the Royal Palace at noon.”
Over at the Royal Palace, King Martin was organizing the trip. There would be seven events in total which would test each team’s ability to work together and act as a unit. They were, in chronological order: which team could erect their team tent the quickest; naturally start a camp fire the quickest; tell the best Super Spud horror story; build the best dam; orienteer; fish; and finally, a rafting race. The actual camping place was an area of Mt Hiba where the humans dumped all of their garden waste and tree branches. It was basically a giant forest and served as an adventure playground for all the Super Spuds in Mt Hiba.

It was now noon and the six Super Spuds were stood outside the Royal Palace ready to leave for their camping trip. General Bruce had brought along his ultimate pen-knife, which had over 100 separate functions, including: a chainsaw, a water-purifier and a CD player. Incredibly, it was only the size of a match stick and comfortably fitted alongside General Bruce’s belt. King Martin handed the generals their team tent.
“These are top of the line Super Spud tents and are very expensive, but I’m a millionaire so it was no problem at all. They have their own swimming pools, saunas, and come with air conditioning.”
The six of them walked to the adventure playground which was only 50 metres away. King Martin had ordered every other Super Spud to vacate the playground so that the six of them could enjoy it all to themselves. It was actually a very dangerous area within Mt Hiba; the sharp tree branches had claimed many victims and the vast swamps had swallowed many a Super Spud. There were also many wild animals, including rats, foxes, badgers and owls. There is also an ancient Super Spud tale which tells of the playground being home to a giant, hairy ape-like Super Spud that goes by the name of Bigspud (although he had never been seen and was considered just a mythical Super Spud).
The two teams were in the centre of the forest and were now ready for their first challenge – pitching a tent the quickest.
“Here are the rules: whichever team erects their tent and is in their sauna first, wins,” said General Bruce.
General Neptune fired his pistol and the competition began. The generals immediately began to unpack the tent and were already putting the first metal poles into the ground. King Martin and Iceman were busy reading the instructions. G-Boa didn’t like reading instructions because he saw it as a sign of weakness. His natural leadership abilities came through and he ordered Iceman and King Martin to do as he said. After an hour, both teams had the framework of the tent set up and were busy finishing off the interior and sorting out the battery-powered electrics.
“Sharing a sauna with two other guys isn’t very masculine,” said G-Boa.
“Agreed, but the steam is excellent for removing unwanted creases in your foil and it can take years off your packaging. I always take saunas. They are the reason why I look so young, beautiful and talented,” said Iceman.
“We’re finished,” screamed General Bruce.
“Damn it!” shouted G-Boa.
The other team ran over to the general’s tent to find the three of them enjoying their sauna.
“Sorry guys but that’s 1-0 to us. Now if you don’t mind, pour some water on those coals, the boys and I want to sweat,” said General Bruce.