不要凡事“和稀泥”！

掌控魅力 ･ Charisma on Command

Joe Rogan has the most popular podcast on the planet乔·罗根的播客在全球广受推崇 And I think a huge portion of that can be credited to the fact我认为主要原因是 that his audience respects his authenticity他本人的真实让听众认可尊重 especially in the face of conflict尤其在冲突面前 So in this video, we are gonna talk about 5 things that you can do所以本视频中 我们将谈论五种行为 which will command respect in those tough situations帮助你即使身处困境依旧能赢得尊重 without having to act like a jerk而不用非得表现得像个混蛋 Now the first thing that Joe Rogan does that cannot be discounted is that第一点 乔·罗根无法让人看轻的是 he is a trained fighter他是一名受过专业训练的拳手 he knows how to defend himself physically懂得如何自卫 so he’s more likely to speak up around people who act violent所以面对暴徒 比起害怕受伤的你 than you might be if you were afraid of getting hurt他更敢于直言不讳 – Johnson, Come on over here. – I’m not happy.– 约翰逊 你过来 -哥很不爽 – I’m not happy. – You’re the biggest a**hole on the planet.– 我很不爽 – 你就是全世界最大的混蛋 Hey, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?嘿 嘿 嘿 嘿 你干嘛？ What are you doing? You cannot assault people.你在做什么？你不能动手打人 -What are you doing? -Oh, but he…– 你在做什么？ – 噢 但是他…… -What? You are an a**hole, Johnny! -Yeah, he is called strategies.– 什么？你真是个混蛋 乔尼！ – 是 那是他的策略 -That’s not a strategy. -You can’t run up to him and hit him.– 那不是策略 – 你不能冲上去就打他 When a lot of us see the sort of terrible behavior我们大部分人看见这种恶行 we may not want to speak up可能就默不作声 We fear that someone is going to get in our face我们害怕被针对 and escalate things to a level that we don’t want to go.害怕将事态升级 难以收拾 And a big value of knowing martial arts is not that you go around picking fights,而搏击的价值不在于找人干架 but that you feel more comfortable saying what ought to be said,而是给足你说话的底气 knowing that in the worst-case scenario, you can protect yourself,即使是在最糟糕的情况下 也能让自己免遭伤害 which is exactly what happens here.就如视频里的场景 The guy who is dating this woman gets into a shoving match with Joe,这名女子的男友开始和乔相互推搡 and rather than knocking him out cold,但乔并没有直接把他打昏 Joe simply puts him into a Thai clinch so that no one gets hurt,只是用泰式擒抱对付他 以免他伤人伤己 and hopefully the guy learns a lesson.并且希望这哥们吸取些教训 OK. You and your husband hit each other. That’s one thing.好吧 你和你丈夫互殴 这是一回事 You don’t run up and hit other contestants.但你不能冲上去就打其他参赛者 – No hey hey hey! – No hey hey hey!– 你别嚷嚷！ – 你才别嚷嚷！ He got in Joe’s face.他直接针对乔 And then he got too close to Joe.他跟乔离得太近了 Seize, seize. Oh My god.抓住抓住 我的天啊 And all of a sudden, they started going at it. Now it was like Aright…他们突然动手了 就好像…… I gotta break this up cause Joe’s gonna kill him.我得把他拉开 不然乔会干翻他 But physical confrontations are the exception.但除了肢体冲突 Usually we’re more afraid of the social consequences of confrontation.通常我们更害怕对峙带来的社会后果 Joe is okay though if people do not like what he says.乔能接受别人不喜欢他的言论 He believes that honest conflict has more social value than dishonest harmony and但他相信 坦诚的冲突比虚伪的和谐更有社会价值 And that means that he’s going to risk upsetting people, being yelled at and being despised这意味着说实话会让他陷入 if telling the truth requires it.惹人反感 被训斥 受鄙视的风险 Take the Carlos Mencia incident several years ago.以几年前的卡罗斯·门西亚事件为例 Carlos had been stealing jokes for less famous comedians for years,卡洛斯几年来一直剽窃非知名喜剧人的笑料 and it was an open secret in the comic industry.而且这是喜剧业的公开秘密 Almost no one did anything about it几乎所有人都对此袖手旁观 until Joe Rogan walked on the stage with Carlos直到乔·罗根和卡洛斯同台演出 and started chewing him out in front of a live audience.并开始在现场观众面前怼他 “You did another joke the other day.”“某天 你说了另一个笑话” “It was a joke about licking an a**hole is like licking a battery.”“那个笑话是说舔屁眼就像舔电池？” “I saw a guy doing it in Vegas.”“我在拉斯维加斯也听人说过这个笑话” “Oh well, that’s where he got it from.”哦好吧 他就是从这里听到这个笑话的 “The reverend Bob Levy from the Howard Stern Show.”从霍华德·司登秀的鲍勃·李维这儿 “Ohhh!!”哦哦哦 All the other comedians who valued social harmony as paramount keep quiet其他和谐至上的喜剧演员们都保持沉默 and just whispered about Carlos behind his back.只会在卡洛斯背后窃窃私语 But nothing changed.但这无济于事 And Mencia got more famous off the work of these other comedians.而且门西亚靠着别人的作品更火了 It took Joe standing up in front of an audience乔和一位刚开始不能接受事实的观众 that started out not very receptive现场对峙 in order to actually make a shift.这是为了真正的改变 “What’s up. What’s the deal?!”“怎么了？这是怎么回事？” “You don’t know nobody supports comics…”“你不明白 没人支持喜剧……” “You don’t know, nobody kn…”“你不明白 没人知道……” “If someone steals a riff from a song…”“如果某人剽窃了一首歌的片段……” “that sh*ts in the news constantly.”不断的上热搜 “Mother f***ers steal shit and make it on HBO.”“那个狗*养的偷了段子 还靠它上了HBO” – “He made it better! Mother f***er! He made it better!” – “They steal shit and put it on television.”—他说的更好！狗*养的！他让这段子更好了！ —他们偷段子 还把它放到电视上 “What are you saying?!”“你在说什么？” And to be clear, Joe had to do this publicly.而且需要说明的是 乔必须公开这样做 Because when he would ask his comedian friends to speak up about what was happening,因为当他请喜剧界的朋友为此发声时 they didn’t even want to say it on the record.他们甚至不想公开谈及此事 That’s what happened with Bobby Lee for instance, in this next clip.下个片段中的鲍勃·李就是如此 – Do it?Who cares? – But it is worth of someone’s care.– 这样做 谁在乎呢 – 可是 这值得被人关注 – It’s reality. – Anyway, it’s good to see you.– 这是事实 – 不管怎样 见到你真好 Hahaha…哈哈哈…… This is the reason why comedians get away with stealing.这就是喜剧演员敢肆无忌惮剽窃的原因 Cause comedians like you are afraid of confrontation.因为那些像你这样的喜剧人害怕冲突 This can be a tough but critical mindset这种心态可能让人备受折磨却也至关重要 if you want to be authentic and command respect.如果你想做一个率真而受人尊敬的人 The intermediate stages of confrontation are usually not fun.冲突的中间阶段往往毫无乐趣可言 Sometimes people will yell at you有时 人们会冲你咆哮 and you’re likely to feel very uncomfortable.而且你可能会感到非常不舒服 You’re usually not going to want to bring the issue up不想提及这些问题 WHATEVER it is.无论它们是什么 But if you want to stop a particular behavior但是如果你想要阻止某种行为 and you want to win the respect of everyone else who is thinking the same thing but is afraid to say it.想要赢得那些感同身受却不敢发声的人的尊重 You must speak up.就一定要说出来 Now the same thing applies to telling friends difficult truths.这同样适用于告诉朋友难以接受的事实 In this next case, Joe’s friend, Brendan Schaub was a heavy-weight UFC fighter下个案例中 乔的朋友布兰登·肖布 一位UFC的重量级拳手 who had looked very sloppy in several fights他在几场比赛中的表现看起来毫无章法 and whoes lack of technical ability was liable to get him hurt.因为缺少格斗技巧 使他极易受伤 Now as a fighter, Schaub wanted to continue past all obstacles.作为一名拳手 肖布想要排除万难坚持下去 But as his friend and an analyst,但作为他的朋友 和一名分析师 Joe knew that the difficult honest truth could wind up saving his friend乔知道 这个难以启齿的真相将会保护他的朋友 from serious physical consequences.免受重伤 It’s not that you don’t try hard.这不是你不努力 It’s not that you’re not dedicated.不是你不投入 It’s not that you’re not disciplined.不是自己的要求不够严格 It’s not that you’re not intelligent.也不是不够聪明 There’s sh*t that other people can do that you can’t do.而是 就是有那种别人可以做而你却不可以做的龌龊事 If you had a wrestling match with Cain Velasquez, how will you think you do?如果让你和科因·委拉斯奎兹比一场摔跤 你觉得结果怎样？ – Straight-up wrestling. – Yeah.—直上式摔跤 —是的 I think people’d be surprised.我觉得我会出人意料的 – Really? You think so? – Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.—真的？你真这么想？ —嗯嗯 – I think you’d be surprised. – Emmm.– 我觉得你会大吃一惊 – 嗯 I really do.我真的这么觉得 I think he willl fuck you up.他会虐爆你的 You know, I say that as a friend, and a guy who loves you.你知道 我这么说是因为我是你的朋友 一个爱你的人 This was a hard conversation.那是一场艰难的对话 Essentially telling your friend that you don’t think he has what it takes to achieve his dream.本质上 这是在告诉你的朋友你觉得他不具备实现梦想的实力 During the podcast, Brendan was in tears.在播客中 布兰登流下了眼泪 And you’re only going to have the courage to begin these tough conversations when you accept the fact而且你只能鼓起勇气去进行这番残酷对话 是因为你认同一点 that being nice and avoiding harsh truths isn’t necessarily kind装好人对残酷现实避而不谈 并不一定是善良 and it’s NOT being a good friend.也不是好朋友应该干的 Encouraging Brendan’s dreams could have wound up with him getting serious brain damage.鼓励布兰登坚持梦想 可能会让他承受严重脑损伤的后果 So telling the truth and upsetting Brendan in the short term所以说出事实 让布兰登短时间地沮丧一下 was actually the caring move from Joe正是乔的关心之举 Now this isn’t to say that you should just blurt out every mean thought that you think.这不是说你要直白地说出每一个伤人的想法 If you’re going to be confrontational,如果你即将站在对立面 you want to do it appropriately.你希望能恰当地处理冲突 So how should you handle these conflicts?那么 该如何处理这些矛盾呢 Well, we actually have a full bonus module on this topic in our course Charisma University我们的“魅力大学”课程有关于这个主题的完整的奖金模块 that module goes far beyond what I can cover in this YouTube video其内容远超出我的YouTube视频所能涵盖的范围 about handling conflict cares medically例如关于如何从医学的角度处理冲突 making the other person respect you more for bringing up these tough issues.让对方因为你提出的棘手问题而更尊敬你 So if that sounds like something that you’re interested in,所以假如听上去 这些是你感兴趣的内容的话 definitely check out Charisma University, if you want to be more confident in those situations.就一定要来“魅力大学” 看看 如果你想在一些场合中表现的更自信的话 But for now, here is what we can see from Joe.但是现在 让我们看看乔身上值得学习的地方 First of all, it’s often a good idea to acknowledge that you don’t enjoy the conflict首先 承认不喜欢冲突是个好方法 and that the person that you’re speaking to may not either正和你说话的这个人可能也不喜欢冲突 This is particularly useful你和亲近的人发生冲突时 for situations where you’re entering into conflict with someone that you’re close to.这种办法特别奏效 Take the conversation with Brendan Schaub as an example.比如与布兰登·肖布的对话 This is hard for me to say,我很难开口 ’cause I love you as a friend.因为作为爱你的朋友 You know, it’s hard for me to say,你懂的 就是我很难说出口 but this is just a reality.但这就是事实 The guys who are at the top of the f*cking mountain.那些人他们都是顶尖高手 They’re performing at a different level than you.你和他们不是一个档次的 Emm.嗯…… So… It sucks! Right?所以…这糟透了！对吧？ It sucks for me to say it!直接说出来本身就是件很糟糕的事 It’s… If I don’t like it coming out of my mouth.我不喜欢说出这些话 I don’t like it.我不喜欢 And the reason why I don’t like it而不喜欢这样的原因 is because I love you as a human being.是因为我爱的是你这个人 Whether someone is doing something that is upsetting to you要是某人的回应让你郁闷 or you’re just worried about them.或者你只是担心他们 A great phrase to kick off a potentially confrontational conversation is this.如下开场白就适合开启一场对抗性对话 You start by saying,你先开口说 “Look, this is something that I’ve been wanting to tell you,“听着 这是我一直想告诉你的事情 but I’ve been uncomfortable about it但我一直觉得别扭 and I haven’t wanted to say it.”而且我之前不想说” That sentence opens the other person up,这些话能打开对方的心扉 and makes them less likely to jump down your throat而且降低对你大发脾气的可能性 if the news is on the harsher side.如果你要说的话不太中听 The second tip is to allow for nuanced truth.第二个技巧是 考虑到那些微妙的事实 Oftentimes when we are in conflict,通常 当我们身处冲突 we feel as if we disagree entirely or not at all.常觉得非黑即白 So when someone says something,所以 当别人说话时 we disagree reflexively就会条件反射地否定他们 rather than listening to what they say and agreeing where possible.而非倾听并尽可能达成共识 Like this.比如 – Way too much damage. – That’s for sure, but what about Gonzagas match.– 这条路伤害太大了 – 这是肯定的 但冈扎加斯的比赛又如何呢 You beat Gonzagas. It’s a good fight.你打败了冈扎加斯 这是一场精彩的比赛 Yeah, you. You’re a very good fighter.是的 你是一位很棒的拳手 That’s not what the the issue is.但那并不是关键所在 The issue is: can you become a champion?关键是：你能成为冠军吗？ And if you can’t become a champion,如果你无法成为冠军 are you comfortable with getting knocked out three or four more times?你能坦然地接受被淘汰三或四次吗？ Take Eddie Bravo’s conspiracy theories for another example.来看另一个例子：艾迪·布拉沃的阴谋论 Joe doesn’t just say that Eddie is dumb乔不是只说艾迪笨 and that every case of his doubt is stupid.或者说艾迪的每一个怀疑很愚蠢 Instead, he disagrees with very specific issues that he raises相反 乔对艾迪提出的具体论点提出异议 and in this case, it’s Eddie’s belief about a flat earth cover-up.而且在这个案例中 艾迪相信地球是平的 When you start thinking that the world is flat当你开始思考地球是平的 the dinosaurs aren’t real, all this nutty sh*t you believe,恐龙不是真的 所有此类你坚信的古怪想法 and you just jump into it with the…你深陷其中… The problem is, it discredits all these other things that you believe问题是 这让你相信的其他所有事情都不可信了 – that might be real. – Hmm.—那可能是真的 —嗯 – Because the other things have some validity to it. – You just haven’t looked into…—因为其他事情是有一些正确性的 —你只是还没有调查…… Similarly you want to accept that as certain as you are in your perspective,你同样要承认你确信自己的观点 your opinions and your perceptions are fallible.但你的观点和认知容易出错 So avoid statements about being absolutely right所以 要避免绝对正确的陈述方式 and instead speak like this:反过来 你可以这样说 It’s totally. Yes, you can do it. You are a big guy, man. You have heart.完全是的你能做到 你是个成年人 伙计你很有勇气 You know, if you land the right shot, the right time.你知道的 如果你在正确的时间做出正确的决定 But… if I was objective,但是……要是我客观的看 and I was standing outside, looking at it from outside. I had a bet.我作为旁观者 从旁观的角度来看 可以打个赌 I would have to bet on him我会赌冈扎加斯赢 Couching your statements like this, keeps you from devolving into pointless像这样表达你的观点 避免无意义的陈述 is what you are saying objectively true arguments.你所说的是客观事实 Because like it or not, the other person cannot deny your opinion about the facts因为无论喜欢与否 对方都无法否定你基于事实的观点 or where you would decide to place your bets on how things will turn out,或你决定要把赌注下在怎样的结果上 which brings this to the third point.这就引出了第三种方法 And that’s that whenever possible, you want to confront a particular behaviour那就是 尽可能针对某种特定的行为 and NOT a person.而非一个人 In the heat of the moment, it is easy to forget头脑发热时 我们就很容易忘记 that you don’t disagree or hate anyone ENTIRELY. It’s impossible.你不是在完全地否定或者憎恨一个人——这是不可能的 What you have an issue with, and maybe it’s a huge issue,是关于你觉得有问题的事 也许是大问题 is a particular pattern of behavior.其实是一种特别的行为模式 So that means if you want to avoid same things like you are a jerk, which are blanket statements不要说你真是个混蛋这样无关痛痒的话 and instead stick to speaking about the exact behavior that you take issue with.反而是要紧扣你提出的特定行为来讨论 “That’s just showing to you“这只是让你看见 that your interest in me is f**king re****ed.”你揪着我不放 就是他*的*** – “My interest on you is that you’re stealing from my friends.”“我关注你是因为你偷了我朋友的作品” “No not from your f**king friends.”“不 我不是从你那他*的朋友那儿偷来的” “You stole from Bobby Lee!”“你剽窃了鲍比·李！” – “Let me tell ya!” – “He made a video on the Internet of him admitting it.”—我来告诉你 —他做了视频放在网上了 他承认这件事了 “That’s bullsh*t.”那是胡扯 “That’s bullsh*t.”纯属胡扯！ “Bullsh*t.”都是胡扯！ “That’s bullsh*t.”那真是瞎扯！ This mentality leads to Rogan’s fairly unique ability to like someone as a person这种心态使乔具有很独特的能力 将他人视作个体 to like someone as a person completely separate from their political or social views他喜欢作为独立个体的人 而完全不受政治和社会观的影响 Now this is the case with Alex Jones who Joe is known for years,接下来是乔和他认识多年的亚历克斯·琼斯的故事 despite the fact he disagrees with a lot of what Alex says.即使乔不同意亚历克斯的很多言论 Alex Jones, I love you buddy, for real.亚历克斯·琼斯 我爱你 兄弟 真的 But you say some silly sh*ts.你说了很多蠢话 That’s where this all comes from.这就是一切的由来 Doesn’t mean I don’t love you!但不意味着我不爱你 You’ll see a similar pattern of validating the person你将看到类似的模式来验证这个人 while objecting to specific behaviors就是在反对特定行为的同时认可他人 when Joe speaks to Owen Benjamin about what he writes on Twitter:乔跟欧文·本杰明聊天时谈到欧文在推特上写的东西 -Umm… I wanted to talk to you about social media. -Okay.—嗯…我想要跟你聊聊社交媒体 —好的 -‘Cause I..I love you -I love you, too.—因为我……我爱你 —我也爱你 I think you are a very good guy. I really do.我觉得你人很好 真的 But you are the worst representative of yourself on social media.但在社交媒体上 你表现出了最差劲的自己 The point is that when possible, realize that关键在于只要有可能 你要意识到 you don’t have a conflict with a person, but with a pattern of behavior.不是和某人有矛盾 而是不赞同某种行为模式 And if you begin to think that you are in conflict with an individual,而且如果一开始 你就针对某人 you will dig in your heels and make things worse.便会固执己见 事情反而更糟 You’re likely to conflate the person with their ideas.你可能会把这个人和他的想法混为一谈 And when this has happened in some of Joe Rogan’s podcasts,这种情况也发生在乔的一些节目里 they create some of his worst moments.结果导致恶性的事件发生 -You couldn’t care less people wanna smoke joints. -You’re an ideologue, buddy.—你根本不在乎那些想抽大麻的人 —你可真是个理想主义者 兄弟 Really? That’s an ideologue position by saying leave it to the state?真的吗？我说把这个问题交给各州处理 就是理想家？ Yeah, yeah. You’re locked in, man.是的 你真是想岔了 兄弟 Really?And that’s what we…真的吗？那是我们…… -Well…We proved that you are full of sh*t about Colorado and traffic deaths.好吧 我们已经证明了你在科罗拉多和交通死亡人数上的观点全是瞎扯 Should we go and f*ck you up with this too?我们还要在大麻烟卷的问题上再把你驳倒吗 So remind yourself what particular behavior you are trying to change所以 提醒自己你想要改变的是哪个具体行为 and realize that any name-calling beyond that并认识到除此之外的的任何谩骂 is only damaging the respect that you were building都只会损伤你建立的尊重 by having the courage to confront the issue in the first place从一开始 这种尊重就源自你直面冲突的勇气 now like I said if you really want to master those moments of conflict in your life which can be pivotal现在 就像我说过的 如果你真的想处理好生活中的冲突 which can be pivotal for how people respect you.毕竟这些冲突会影响人们对你的尊重 We have a full module on conflict in our course Charisma University.我们的“魅力大学”有一套完整的关于冲突的课程模块 And if you want to get a taste of what that course is all about,如果你想要了解课程内容 I’ve set up a video which discusses the four emotions that lead to an amazing first impression consistently.我已经制作了一个视频 探讨四种建立惊艳第一印象的情感 If you nail these, you dramatically reduce the risk that you’re actually going to get into a conflict like this in the first place搞定这四个 你将首先大幅降低身陷类似冲突的风险 since the other person is going to think so highly of you.因为别人对你的评价会很高 And it’s not like that you’re definitely going to get in a conflict if you miss these opportunities.这并不是说 如果错失这些机会就一定会遭遇冲突 But you ARE more likely to just be ignored or forgotten during that first impression.但你确实更可能因为第一印象被忽视或遗忘 So if that’s something that interests you,所以 如果你感兴趣的话 click the link in the description, drop your email and check that video out today.点击视频中的链接 给我们发送邮件 立即查看视频 Also if you’ve enjoyed the video and you haven’t yet done so如果你喜欢这个视频 但还没看完 Make sure to subscribe to the channel and hit that notification bell.请订阅该频道 并按下通知铃 I know actually last week we were an hour late in getting the upload up.我知道 上周我们上传视频迟了1小时 So if you want to make sure that you don’t miss it when it does go live,所以 如果大家不想错过直播 hit that notification bell. It’s super helpful.请点击通知铃 那超级有用 Anyways, hope that you guys have enjoyed this video.不管怎样 希望大家喜欢这个视频 And I look forward to seeing you next time!期待下次再见！