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I write this letter because I have questions. Questions I can’t ask because unfortunately you succeeded. But still I have questions, I have questions!!

What did we miss? What were the signs? I have questions!

How long were you suffering? Was it an eventual build up? Did something happen suddenly? Was it me? I have questions!

What about those of us left behind? Did you think of the pain that it would inflict? Why wasn’t our love enough? Why didn’t you tell me or make it clear to me? Could we have talked about it?

I know what it’s like to battle those demons. I too have had to keep the voices at bay. You know that nagger that tells you you aren’t good enough, that you are a failure, that things will never get better, or that your loved ones are better off without you. I have fought it, I have gone round for round, I have stood in those shoes, I have cried those lonely silent tears… but still I have questions.

What spawned you to stop swinging? Why did you give up the fight?

Did you say goodbye? Did it you change your mind a moment too late? Did it hurt? Do you remember? I have questions!!

I don’t know what to feel! One moment I am angry, then sad, totally confused, I feel guilty, like I failed you…out of nowhere the tears start falling, then I find myself smiling at our memories and that turns into laughter… that turn back into tears!! I’m mad at you, no I miss you, but yes I am mad, but more than anything I’m sad.

So many things I want to know. Pieces to the puzzle that have been snatched away. The one person that could shed some light cut their days short and quite honestly it’s not fair!!!!! Because… I HAVE QUESTIONS!!!