When he reached the far side of the woods, the house glowed like a jewel in the dark; the little amber windows shone and called to him. He walked softly to the side of the house and looked in. She was still naked, warming herself by the fire, her white skin rosily reflecting the hot flames. She dressed slowly, holding each garment up to warm in front of the fire before covering herself. And as he watched, he desired her more than anyone he had ever wanted before and longed for her to throw down her clothes and just bathe in the red and gold firelight forever.
Eventually, he pulled himself away from the scene. It was too much to bear and he knew he would feel deeply ashamed and unhappy if he left, like a furtive peeping tom, without speaking to her. When she answered his knock, she was smiling and still glowing with warmth. She took his hand and pulled him inside.
“Well? How do you feel? Wasn’t that an experience to remember for the rest of your life?”
He was bursting with emotion and almost choked as he answered her. “I feel alive. I feel as if all my senses have suddenly been awakened for the first time in my life. I’ve woken to a new world. I can’t believe how different I feel.”
He followed her into the sitting room and she poured him a large glass of red wine from the bottle which stood on the hearth. He sat opposite her in a sagging armchair by the fire and gulped large mouthfuls, feeling it warm his chilled mouth and stomach and then he felt he could speak again.
“It’s made me feel so much more aware. I feel I understand my instincts and can know and trust them. It’s as if I’ve seen the world clearly for the first time.” He hesitated, feeling almost overwhelmed by the passion that was surging through him. “I feel I have just been truthful for the very first time and now I want to be a champion of the truth. I think I know what you mean now and I want to make a difference.”
“That’s really good,” she said, licking the wine from her lips and patting his knee. “I thought it might finally rouse you, my homage to the fabulous Andy Goldsworthy. So, where and when are you going to start?”
He hesitated for a moment, wondering how much to tell her. “I think it has to begin with the truth. From now on I have to be totally honest. And I’m going to start right now by telling you that I saw you. Just now, through the window. I was standing outside and I watched you as you dressed in front of the fire.”

In response to the many readers who have trawled the archives to read Powerless and said they would like to read in in one sitting, I am delighted to be able to announce that Powerless is now available on Kindle. There will also be a paperback version shortly.
I am therefore going to cease posting Powerless on this site and on suzannegoldring.wordpress.com, but want to say a big thank you to everyone who has read it and enjoyed it so far. Powerless will of course continue to be available in the archives of this site, October 2013-July 2014.

Today we were greatly surprised by the arrival of Neil, our tenant, who keeps sheep on three of our fields. He has been used to coming and going without any involvement from us for a couple of years, but today he and his wife Linda turned up in their scratched old Landrover, towing a caravan and asked if we would mind if they parked it in the field nearest to the house.
When Martin asked why, Neil told him he is concerned about sheep rustling. He says he has heard on the shepherd grapevine that there have been a number of incidents now that the supermarkets are out of supplies and he would like to stay on site to protect his flock. Of course we agreed, especially as he is about to put the ram in with the ewes. He always does that about this time – tupp on Bonfire Night he says, for Easter lambs. And we also agreed because Neil pays his rent in kind and that will seem very welcome this year.
He soon got to work separating some of the older ewes from those born this spring, with the help of his dogs, Meg and Molly. He has to make another journey to fetch the two rams he is using this year and Martin offered to go with him, but Neil said unless he was prepared to see off intruders he would rather take his chances with the dogs. He has to drive almost to Alton, but most of the run is on isolated country roads so he thinks he will be safe. Martin gave him one of our precious cans of petrol in case he has to make a diversion and runs short of fuel.
The pasta I made yesterday was much tastier than the dried, which I still have stored in the larder. I made a savoury pumpkin sauce, scattered over toasted seeds and also wilted dandelion leaves as these are still plentiful. My recipe made plenty, so we are having it again today and Neil and Linda will join us to welcome them to our family for the foreseeable future.

Today is Halloween and Stephen and the girls say they are going to sit by the fire tonight and tell ghost stories. I think life is frightening enough at the moment, without trying to scare each other with silly tales, but it may do them good to have some amusement. With no prospect of power returning soon, their lives are in limbo, unable to work, study or meet friends and, in Jane’s case, a partner. Anna is a lovely girl and I can see that she and Stephen are well suited. I couldn’t wish for a nicer girl for him.
It was raining this morning, but much milder than yesterday, so I felt able to shed some clothes for a really thorough strip wash and also washed my hair. The girls were quite envious when they realised I had managed to clean myself from top to bottom, as it were, and decided they would follow suit, which I am quite happy for them to do if they fetched and boiled the water for themselves. It is hard work when water is no longer on tap, so we find ourselves thinking carefully about every drop and are no longer careless with our resources.
Last night’s meal did not go down well with Martin, though the others laughed and said it reminded them of happier times. I found some packs of Pot Noodles and Super Noodles lurking in the back of the larder. I think they had been there since Jane and her friends went to Glastonbury last summer. So I cooked some bacon and mushrooms in a wok with shredded cabbage, then threw in the softened noodles. I thought it worked very well and was quite tasty, but Martin grumbled so much that I was quite cross and told him we have to be thankful for anything we can get right now and that there must be people in desperate need who would be more grateful. But I don’t want him in a bad mood, especially now he and Stephen are working so hard, fetching heavy loads of wood and water. So I am going to try making pasta with the machine that he gave me for Christmas two years ago which has sat in the back of a cupboard ever since. I will need to use a few eggs, but the hens laid well again yesterday and I collected 5 eggs, so I think I can spare enough for the dough.

I feel quite pleased with myself. Last night’s meal was a great success and put us all in a good mood. I found a recipe in an old book for a steamed onion and leek pudding. It is so simple and so filling. You line a basin with a suet crust, then fill it with seasoned layers of onion and leek. To make it more satisfying I added some mushrooms and diced bacon, then steamed it for 3 hours. So it is not a quick dish to make, but it was very well received and well worth the effort. I would like to make steamed puddings more often, but the fat will be a problem. Not our fat, but the fat that mixes with the flour. I have another couple of boxes of shredded suet in the larder, but doubt I will be able to get more. Maybe I can try making a pastry with oil? After all, some cakes are made with oil, aren’t they and I can remember making a wonderful flourless chocolate cake with olive oil.
We woke this morning to the first real frost. We have been lucky so far, but it will be much colder from now on. Our bedroom windows were misted on the inside and I expect they will be iced over this winter.
Anna and Jane have scooped out four pumpkins and were talking of giving the seeds to the hens, when I remembered that they could be dried for us to eat. We have no breakfast cereal, but I can make a kind of muesli with porridge oats, grated apple and seeds. I’m not sure how to dry the seeds to make them edible, so we’ll try toasting a few of them in a pan.
Martin was in a better mood today because he ate well yesterday, so I’m going to try hard to think how to feed us today.

Daphne called by with apples, saying she has far too many to use for just the two of them. She also had other good news for us, as she’d heard that a farm only a couple of miles from here was giving away cabbages, leeks, onions and pumpkins to local families. They normally grow produce for the supermarkets and the vegetables will go to waste now they can’t be delivered. We agreed that it would be worth using some of our precious petrol to go there and collect as much as we can, so in return for the apples we gave Daphne a lift with us, returning with huge boxes of lovely fresh veg. We decided not to take too many cabbages and leeks as they won’t keep well, but the onions and pumpkins will be very useful.
The people at the farm were very kind and said we could take as much as we liked, but we thought it was only right to take a reasonable amount. I was surprised to see two men loading boxes and boxes of veg into their van and asked them if they had a lot of people to feed. They just laughed and said they’d find a use for it alright. When I told Martin he said I was lucky to get away with just a laugh from them. He said they were probably going to sell it on the street and that there must be a black market developing all over the country.
Anna and Jane were excited by the pumpkins and decided they wanted to carve lanterns for Halloween. I really don’t like this tradition, but as it will amuse them I’ll let them get on with it, as long as every scrap of pumpkin flesh is saved to be eaten. I am more excited by the leeks and onions as they add such a lot of flavour to food and we had completely run out. I’m trying hard to think how best to use the pumpkin as we can’t have pies and think I’ll use some for soup and may try making a sauce for pasta. Martin and Stephen say they are getting sick of soup, so I’m trying to think of something more substantial I can cook. But without an oven or more meat we don’t have much choice.