KQ goes PRIMAL to get her SANITY back

Wellllllll after already having lost 100lbs, competed in several figure competitions, lurking in the primal shadows for months & basically teetering on the edge I'm finally ALL IN!!

Let me start by saying YES I LOOOOOVED how I was able to discipline myself to get as low as 140lbs when I stepped on stage this year (that made my wt loss 105lbs) buuuuuuuuuut what I had to do to get there and how I felt wasn't ideal and I KNEW I couldn't stay there. So I was accepting of the 10lbs post show weight gain I would endure. But since my last competitions I've been a little off physically, mentally, etc. I actually kept training HARD after my last show in April b/c I was planning to do one in June and I somehow stayed in the low 140's even crossed into the 130 neighborhood. Maybe I should throw a lil tidbit of info in here and letcha know I'm 5'10 I know ya'll are like #SERIOUSLY?!??! And yes seriously LOL!! But I was dayum near killing myself to get there and that was NEVER my plan. In my journey to loose the 100lbs that I'd already lost I never took myself to such an extreme I just slowly took my time, ate right, worked out right and the weight came off. This time however I went to the ultimate extreme. Not only did I do that but I began having a distorted view about how I looked (I still do truth be told). Even at (high) 130's-140 I was obsessing about thinking I'm FAT, who cares that I fit into a size 2 with room to spare I was just NUTS!! That's NEVER what I wanted and everyone knows that. Now my body is off balance. . . NO ONE needs to tell me this, NO ONE needs to prick & prod at me b/c I just know b/c I know myself and have been very tuned into my physical & mental state through this entire weight loss journey up until this point.

Knowing this huge piece of information about myself and wanting to regain control over myself, my life, my happiness (SANITY) I've finally decided to take the plunge after lurking in the shadows for months reading & researching & reading some more & asking questions & reading a lil bit more & asking EVEN MORE questions and driving a few people batty in the process. Honestly I've partially been here but minus the increased fat. . . I don't & haven't done bread, pasta, rice and several other things for years but I did eat oats b/c obviously that's what trainers/coaches suggest when you're prepping. But after stepping back from the stage I gave that up in June and haven't looked back since. Now the only BIG thing for me to do is Bring On The Fat. I'm going to be honest and admit this is going to be HARD!! I'm soooooooo used to eating super duper lean, but I decided to start jumping in slowly a few weeks ago not knowing this challenge was coming and I would have a lil extra fat everyday here & there and so far so good. Well gotta get back to work after chatting it up with ya'll. . .I HOPE & PRAY this works for me and gets me back on track. I will admit I'm a bit scared but hey if it gets my mind back under control it A-OK with me!!
KQ~