(Okay, Fred, cue up the music from the "Long Ranger";
we've got a voice over to do)."Return with us now
to those thrilling days of yesteryear when the name Johnny
Wadd still meant something and Seka still looked like an
innocent new face just off the farm when she starred in her
first full length flick . . . Hi ho Silver, away!"

Produced in what we now jokingly refer to as the dark ages
of porn (1979), Blonde Fire looks startlingly like a
made-for-T.V. movie, although the non-existence of any acting
talent and the stiffness of the direction give away the fact
that this was produced on a much smaller budget than the
average swill you see on CBS' Every Night at the
Repeats late night division.

The theoretical plot concerns itself with ol' Johnny Wadd
going to Africa to pick up a diamond, but that's really just
filler between feeding tube steak to a variety of spies,
counterspies, security specialists and other assorted honies.
Yessir, ol' Waddski knocks off as much gash as we say we do
in the locker room at the tennis club.

This is a good flick for people just getting into schmutz.
It doesn't have a lot of hard edges and really won't alienate
any new viewers. The main drawback of this film, for me, is
that its limitations show it up to be very much a product of
its time. For example, although the sex is frequent, it isn't
always erotic. This was made back in the days when people
just wanted to see screwing and didn't care all that much for
what was going on around it.

All told, this isn't a bad film. It's not mediocre, but it's
also not compelling enough to tell the clerk at the rental
store to put it aside until after you get off work. Hmmmm,
sounds like "late Show" fare of the future.