Me and my girlfriend, we were getting on greatWe were so in love – I’d found my soul mateSo one day when she’d popped up the bankI looked for some of her knickers to sniff while I had a wank

I went through her washing bin, and I found a skirtA couple of bras and a hooded sweatshirtSo I stripped myself naked and put on her braAnd delved back in the washing bin but this time I went too far

That was the end of her and meEtched on my retinas I couldn’t unsee

Her period pants, her period pantsThey were big, they were old, they were baggy and stainedHer period pants, her period pantsThe moment that I saw them no love remained

Period pants, period pantsPe-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eriod pantsPeriod pants, period pantsPe-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eriod pants

Next thing I know - she’s caught me in the actShe forgot her bank card - and had to pop backShe was crying and screaming – she wasn’t best pleasedI said you think you’re grossed out – what the fuck are these?

What I found there you wouldn’t hang on the lineIt was an old friend of hers but no friend of mine

Her period pants, her period pantsI knew that our love had ended that dayHer period pants, her period pantsThe elastic had perished and the lace was all grey

Her period pants, her period pantsRound my nan’s they’d be a duster, it’s a matter of prideHer period pants, her period pantsThe second that I saw them was when our love diedShe wears them with a menstruating fanny insideIt’s the jammy old gusset that I couldn’t abide