Matti Vanhanen, 52, prime minister since 2003, has been enjoying a wave of support since the disclosure that he likes to take a sauna before sex and enjoys his favourite meal of beef and baked potatoes afterwards.

The rendezvous that established Gov. Eliot Spitzer’s involvement with high-priced prostitutes occurred last month in one of Washington’s grandest hotels, but the criminal investigation that discovered the tryst began last year in a nondescript office building opposite a Dunkin’ Donuts on Long Island, according to law enforcement officials.

“WHY are children so unhappy?” asks the Independent on its front page.

The motion at the Association of Teachers and Lecturers annual conference in Torquay next Tuesday runs: “Conference notes with deep concern that many children in our schools appear unhappy and anxious.”

The adults will debate and discuss why children are so unhappy.

Over the next two weeks, ATL members will discuss several topics relating to the mental health of primary age children and the pressures they face in modern society.

Teachers discussing what makes a young child unhappy is a bit like the jockey asking the horse why his face is long. It might be that – and whisper it – school is the biggest problem. It is school that ruins the child’s pursuit of fun.

Question asked; question answered.

It may also be that the teacher’s idea of happiness is not the pupil’s.

Armani is happy eating chips for breakfast, her teacher is not; Blake’s face lights up whenever he delivers a punch to a smaller child’s arm, his teacher’s does not; Romeo is never happier than when he is picking his nose and firing the oar at the girls, his teacher is not.

WEATHER. It’s happening. Now!
The Sun looks on as a wave crashes close to a woman, a man and a pram. “BUGGY IDIOT,” says the front-page headline. “Dad risks baby’s life as wave hits.”

Worse: “The idiot had just one hand on the buggy, with a cigarette in the other, as breakers crashed over Brighton’s sea wall.”

Shock: “Andrew Hasson, who saw the dad and a pal, said: “They were stupid and lucky not to be swept away.”

He offers no comment on the cigarette. But a nation is sickened.

More beach shots as on the Times. A man is airborne. In his hand the remnants of an umbrella. The sea to his right. The soft wet sand beneath. No cigarette. He might make it yet.

This is “HURRICANE BRITAIN” says the Express on its cover. Had only BBC weatherman Michael Fish been an Express reporter in 1987, he’d not have poo-pooed warnings of a hurricane. He’d have screamed it. And he’d have continued screaming it every day, just in case he was right.

A SOLIDER is said to have tried to sell pictures of Prince Harry in Afghanistan to The Sun. The paper declined to publish them until Harry was on his way home:

British media, including The Observer, agreed not to report Harry’s deployment throughout his time in Afghanistan. ‘Obviously people in theatre knew about it, and it was extremely unlikely that no one would attempt to try to leak stuff. There were never any guarantees,’ said one source. ‘But all in all it went pretty well.’

Troops serving alongside Harry were warned not to tell their families at home about the royal in their midst. Harry himself later admitted that there had been a couple of occasions when the deal might not have held without behind-the-scenes help from the British media in alerting officials to potential leaks.

One soldier. One. A united army. A united media. Things mgiht not be so bad…

“DAY 19 OF HUNT FOR MISSING SCHOOLGIRL.. AND FRIEND TELLS OF HER HEARTBREAK.”

Are there shades of a melodrama in this story?

“The parents of Maddie McCann yesterday pledged cash to boost the hunt for Shannon. Gerry and Kate, whose daughter has been missing for 10 months, are “deeply concerned” at the plight of Shannon’s family. Kate, 39, said: “My heart goes out to them. We always hoped and prayed that no other family would have to suffer like we have.”

The McCanns are the media voice of missing children. Providers of the easy quote.

“Money from the Find Madeleine Fund could perhaps pay for a massive poster campaign.”

Perhaps.

McCann family spokesman Clarence Mitchell said: “Kate and Gerry have no control over the money. The board will want to know what it is needed for.” The fund now stands at £544,000.

Perhaps not.

GLASGOW SUNDAY MAIL: “Maddie Parents Pray For Tragic Mari’s Family.”

“THE parents of Madeleine McCann yesterday offered prayers for the family of tragic Mari Luz Cortes.”

And last night aides to Kate and Gerry McCann said they are keen to find out more about both cases – to see if there are any links to four-year-old Madeleine’s abduction in Praia da Luz, Portugal, last May.

Yesterday tearful Adele cuddled her blonde daughter and admitted: “If I had been 10 seconds later she would have been gone. I’m just thankful I managed to get to Annabelle in time to save her. “I never thought we would come close to suffering the same fate as Madeleine’s parents. You read about horrific stories like theirs but you don’t expect it to happen to you.”

CLIVE DAVIS on Samantha Power: “It’s ironic that an academic who made her name by writing about genocide can’t tell the difference between Hillary and a real monster. Andrew Sullivan thinks Samantha Power was just speaking the truth. Really? Alex Massie insists the Scotsman was right to publish.”

When Power was discussing Hillary Clinton with the Scotsman and said “she is a monster… she is stooping to anything”, she added a hasty “that’s off the record”.

But there are one or two interesting questions in the whole issue too.

First, and most obvious, is the issue of whether that unguarded remark gives us a clue as to the view of Mrs Clinton held inside the Obama camp, and perhaps even by the Illinois senator himself.

The second is the extent to which the strong language is an indication that the Democrats are going to find it impossible to keep up the generally mannerly tone of their race as it goes right down to the wire.

“Obama aide quits over Scotsman interview,” says the Scotsman on its front page.”

The piece features Power’s less-than-convincing apology:

“With deep regret, I am resigning from my role as an adviser to the Obama campaign. I made inexcusable remarks that are at marked variance from my oft-stated admiration for Senator Clinton and from the spirit, tenor and purpose of the Obama campaign. And I extend my deepest apologies to Senator Clinton, Senator Obama and the remarkable team I have worked with over these long 14 months.”

Indeed. It makes you wonder – is she secretly working for John McCain? (Samantha Power is blonde.)

” After being the target all week of slanderous and degrading stories, horribly manipulated pictures and articles in the media, I have had to show my cards and announce under the gun and under vicious personal attack that I am in fact pregnant.

Once they got a glimpse of my expanding physique a few days ago, they have been like a pack of coyotes circling their prey whilst eerily howling with delight. Starting with a London publication and then New York and Chicago all writing false defamatory degrading stories about all of the dark possible reasons I could be putting on weight.

Lisa shoud read around. It’s not just the UK tabloids – the Daily Mail says, she is “bloated”. “Looking just like Dad (or why Elvis’s girl must return to slender…)”

The broadsheet Daily Telegraph says: “There may be many advantages to being Elvis Presley’s daughter, but at times your genetic inheritance may not be one of them.” The piece is entitled: “Elvis Presley’s King-sized daughter Lisa-Marie.”

The US tabloids have been calling all day wanting confirmation on all kinds of insane theories. They couldn’t wait to find out if my weight gain was because I was just overeating, in which case It would be open season and they can do the old following in her fathers sad and unfortunate demise story again or less interesting for them and probably much to their dismay, I could just be pregnant and therefore have a legitimate reason for weight gain at which point they should probably wipe the saliva off of their fangs and put them back in their mouths or they may expose the black little souls that they are.

Academics in Denmark have accused Ikea, the furniture chain, of “Swedish imperialism” for naming its cheaper products after Danish towns.

The researchers claim to have discovered a pattern where more expensive items, such as beds and chairs, have been named after Swedish, Finnish and Norwegian towns whereas doormats, draught excluders and runners are named after Danish places.

“The stuff that goes on the floor is about as low as it gets,” said Klaus Kjöller, of the University of Copenhagen, who described the phenomenon as “Swedish imperialism”.

Officials at Ikea’s headquarters in the district of Scania – which once belonged to Denmark – rejected the criticism. “It’s nonsense to say that we did this on purpose. It was a pure coincidence,” said Charlotte Lindgren.

ARE our adult celebrities able to make their own choices? And do we care if they take drugs in private, even if stills of these shock-of-shocks happenings end up as front-page news on the Mirror and Sun?

Anorak went on Sky News and was invited to comment on how Kate Moss should – as a “role model” – behave in a fashion more in keeping with her status. A model who dates a popstar cannot be seen to be taking drugs, as was alleged.

Anorak agreed. Looking at Moss taking drugs will create a false impression. The young and easily led should know that there is little to no chance that they will look half as good as Moss if they take them. The message should be made clear: Drugs do not make you photogenic. Kate Moss is a fashion model. Not a role model.

You may, however, succeed in looking like Amy Winehouse. But be warned: you may not sound as sweet as Winehouse as you give full throat to her protest song of the century and tell mum and dad you are not, not, not going to rehab.

In the Times, Camilla Cavendish respsonds to the UN’s comments on celebrity drug takers:

We won’t end this violence by jailing celebrities or middle-class users. The only way to take back our streets is to wrest back control of the drugs from the criminals, by legalising and regulating their trade.

Imagine if you could buy coke from Boots. Or the aptly named Superdrug. That would drain the glamour from it more effectively than making a martyr of Kate Moss. I don’t imagine her lovely features would adorn state-regulated packets of white powder, hanging next to the corn plasters. Yes, legalisation would make drugs cheaper, in order to undercut the dealers. Yes, usage might increase. But perhaps not much, because it is already widespread. A third of 16 to 24-year-olds routinely admit to having tried drugs, despite knowing that they are admitting to a crime.

The benefits of legalisation could be enormous. Overcrowded prisons would be relieved of people needing treatment rather than punishment (about 15 per cent of prisoners are in for possession or supply). Addicts would not be forced into associating with criminals. Children could be safe in Britain’s playgrounds again.

WRITES Seamus Milne in the Guardian: “More than 120 Palestinians have been killed in Gaza by Israeli forces in the past week, of whom one in five were children and more than half were civilians, according to the Israeli human rights group B’Tselem.

“During the same period, three Israelis were killed, two of whom were soldiers taking part in the attacks.The Gaurdaina’s MORE than 120 Palestinians have been killed in Gaza by Israeli forces in the past week, of whom one in five were children and more than half were civilians, according to the Israeli human rights group B’Tselem. During the same period, three Israelis were killed, two of whom were soldiers taking part in the attacks.”

Horrible stuff.

But if Milne is to engage in what bloggers call “stat porn” he may wonder this this disparity is because the Israelis fight as an Army in uniform and the Palestianian militia are dressed as civilians and firing from blocks of flats.

And don’t Hamas want to kill all Israelis, and Jews?

Allah, annihilate them completely and do not leave anyone of them.”

Does this include killing all the children?

“Suicide attacks and jihad reinforce national unity in the ranks….Our voice is one of struggle, of jihad and of suicide….Iraq could win if it equipped its citizens with explosive belts and turned them into human bombs.”

JAMES Lovelock says global warming is upon us. We are doomed. Doomed! Doomed!!!

“It’s just too late for it,” he says. “Perhaps if we’d gone along routes like that in 1967, it might have helped. But we don’t have time. All these standard green things, like sustainable development, I think these are just words that mean nothing. I get an awful lot of people coming to me saying you can’t say that, because it gives us nothing to do. I say on the contrary, it gives us an immense amount to do. Just not the kinds of things you want to do.”

He dismisses eco ideas briskly, one by one. “Carbon offsetting? I wouldn’t dream of it. It’s just a joke. To pay money to plant trees, to think you’re offsetting the carbon? You’re probably making matters worse. You’re far better off giving to the charity Cool Earth, which gives the money to the native peoples to not take down their forests.” […]

He saves his thunder for what he considers the emptiest false promise of all – renewable energy.

“You’re never going to get enough energy from wind to run a society such as ours,” he says. “Windmills! Oh no. No way of doing it. You can cover the whole country with the blasted things, millions of them. Waste of time.”

Yvonne Roberts has been an award winning journalist, writer and
broadcaster in newspapers, radio and television for over 30 years. She writes for the Guardian, Independent on Sunday, Observer, Community Care and the internet magazine, The Frist Post.

WAS William Sahlespear anti-semitic. Nine girls at the Yesodey Hatorah Senior Girls School in Stamford Hill, north London, refused to answer questions on Shakespeare because they believe he was anti-Semitic.

As a result the school’s ranking has fallen from first to 274th in this year’s table measuring the progress of pupils between the ages of 11 and 14.

Head teacher Rabbi Abraham Pinter says*: “I think this is very positive. I’m really proud that our kids are prepared to take the consequences of their convictions and I think it is something that needs to be encouraged.”

JON Snow has in an instant shown what is wrong with the self-aggrandizing media elite:

Using the oldest and falsest royal chestnut, he accused the editors who had made the agreement of seeking knighthoods. He must know that, except for a few restricted orders in the Queen’s personal gift, honours come from a system controlled by the Prime Minister.

Then Snow claimed to be horrified that so much fuss was being made to do a special favour to “so small a thing as a prince”. What other free country would connive at such a cover-up, he wondered?

Why, he jeered, did Prince Harry have to be a soldier anyway? “He could do banking.” Were the press so servile, asked Snow, with an absurdity of bad taste, that “if he gets injured or shot dead, the papers wouldn’t report that”?

The three people on the show – the editor who had brokered the deal, a Tory MP and a man who had served recently in the Army – looked at Snow almost with incomprehension.

It was one of those moments when one realised that some media people have no contact with ordinary human feeling. Prince Harry was not being given a privilege. His situation was unique.

PRINCE Harry’s War. Scene II: We rejoin the action on the tarmac at Brize Norton airbase. The UK Media Corps is discussing the news that Prince Harry is returned home a hero after winning the War on Terror.

Now read on…

ALL: THEY say Harry is back. He walks among us…

MEDIA CORPS: Tally-ban!

EXPRESS (Lance Corporal): TARGET HARRY

Shhh! Those “British fanatics” might hear you and take it as a call to arms

I had a strange idea yesterday. I had the idea of inviting Harriet Harman home for dinner. This isn’t a thought that occurs to me often, but I suddenly felt it might be fun.

I’d invite my Dad too. And then, when we’d given Harriet a nice meal (what do you think she likes to eat?), my father could tell her his story.

He could tell her how the Soviets and the Nazis closed in on his home town of Lvov in September 1939 and how the town council chose the Soviets to surrender to. Then he might tell her how the fathers of his friends were taken to the woods at Katyn and shot by the communists.

He might recount the story of his father’s arrest as an antisocial element, of Adolf Finkelstein’s repeated interrogations leading to a trial in his absence and a jail sentence of 15 years’ hard labour. Then Dad could tell the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party about his own experience as a child, exiled to a remote Siberian village. And how he and his mother and his father never saw their home again.

And, when he’d finished, he could let Harriet speak. And she could explain to Dad why she thinks that Fidel Castro is a hero.

Harman:

Yet still the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, the Leader of the House of Commons, a member of the Cabinet, is in love with Fidel. When asked, earlier this week, in an interview: “Fidel Castro – authoritarian dictator or hero of the Left?” she answered unhesitatingly – “hero of the Left”.

LEVI Bellfield stalked his victims by watching bus stops and looking into brightly-lit buses at night.

Bellfield murdered Amelie Delagrange, 22, and Marsha McDonnell, 19, after they got off buses in south-west London. He also tried to kill 18-year-old Kate Sheedy by twice running her over. He used a hammer. The Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe used a ball pein hammer.

Case closed. After months of speculation in such matters as what happened to Madeleine McCann and if the Mad Hatter, Prince Philip or the Easter Bunny murdered Princess Diana, the press can focus on the perpetrator of heinous crime.

But readers are used to playing amateur detective. So rather then celebrating Bellfield’s detection and jailing, they lead with speculation. Did Bellfield murder Milly Dowling? Is Bellfield a Ripper?A look at today’s newspapers:

DAILY MIRROR (front page): “DID YOU KILL OUR MILL?”

Milly Dowler’s parents last night begged bus stop killer Levi Bellfield to reveal if he murdered their girl. Bob and Sally Dowler made the plea over their 13-year-old as Bellfield was convicted of two murders. He is feared to have struck before and will be quizzed over 20 other attacks. Bellfield, 37, is linked to Milly’s kidnap and murder in 2002 by a series of clues.

As Girl With A One Track Mind says: “What strikes me so much about this is not the discovery of evidence of the ‘G-spot’, but of the fact that so much of female anatomy still remains a mystery – to science, men, and, most sadly, women themselves”