Beginner excuses for not sparring

We where all beginners at one point and we all face beginners from time to time.
when i spar there is almost always "that"guy that has an excuse for not having to spar.

it can also be "that" guy that claims to be very good and can tell many story of his wars in the cage/ring.
But for some reason he cannot perform that day or instant due to something (insert lame excuse)

To start my favorites are:

I just injured my foot (or any other limb) during practice so go easy.

Or:

Oh you're going to kill me.
In the hope that flattering my ego will make me go easier.
(not that i'm out to hurt anyone but to a beginner everything is scary)

Them: "I can't spar because what we learned in Ninjitsoo is too d34d1y."

Me: "So what you're saying is that you'll kill anyone who even does so much as tries to punch you and you can't possibly use reasonable force depending on the circumstance? C'mon, it's not that hard. We'll start really slow and light."

Them: "Nah. I can't. My Sinsay won't let me. It's just too dangerous to use outside of self defense. Last time I tried to hold back I almost elbowed a guy's nose bone into his brain."

Okay, that last sentence was from another conversation, but he was also a Ninjer... and a cage fighter... and a soon-to-be NFL kicker... and a big-time weed dealer.

We have a handbook given to us when we join the UFC Fan Club. They ask you to choose a top ten out of their 101 Suggestions section:

1. I'll spar, but no kicks, I tore my groin yesterday when I kicked a guy in the head for eyeing my missus.
2. No headshots, I am accustomed to fighting kyukushin black belts.
3. I'm blind in my left eye, so go easy with your right hand (opposite if they are southpaw).
4. I can't use my right arm because of the fury it unleashes (opposite if you are southpaw).
5. Have an inner ear infection causing my balance to be off (in order for this to work you must tilt slightly forward then stumble backwards as you say it).
6. Just a little tired from all the sex I had this afternoon. Man, satisfying three chicks is hard work!
7. I just want to try something out so chill out a bit, okay?
8. I bit my lip!
9. Nah, I only grapple (in a stand up class). Alternatively: Nah, I only do stand up (in a grapple class).
10. Sorry, man, the new TapouT shirts are on sale and I gotta line up.

Ones I have actually used:

1. I have a metal jaw... go easy because this is the first time I've sparred since the operation.
2. I tore my hamstring and it has just healed. I was doing the splits and my mate thought it funny to push me down quickly. I was doing it to impress girls. *said with head hung in shame*
3. My thumbnail is infected (last week).

If I had one dollar every time I heard a tough guy wannabe whisper "but sir, she's a WOMAN"...

........I would probably be the richest female martial artist in Sydney....

Unless you believe a couple of dollars to be rich, or that most female martial artists in Sydney are very poor, I reject the implication that this kind of sexism is common practise in the martial arts in Sydney.

Last edited by battlefields; 5/16/2011 11:42pm at .
Reason: Because I wanted to...

Unless you believe a couple of dollars to be rich, or that most female martial artists in Sydney are very poor, I reject the implication that this kind of sexism is common practise in the martial arts in Sydney.

Its not just speech- its the awkward not-punch-at-full-strength-thing, looks-at-coach-with-a-wild-eyed-expression-when-they-get-called-on-thing too. I may have exaggerated a little, but its still there. Not all (definately not at my current school) places, but its still definately there.

Today we were doing boxing sparring at JKD class, and I totally used the "I dont want to hit my fiancee" line. It sort of backfired though. I'm a crappy boxer and ended up getting pounded on by one of the instructors instead. Whoops.

"Uh, please watch out for my knee and my shoulder. I have to try to go light, because I got slammed by an Aikidoka at a party last week." *hangs head in shame, because she was the one who said this. Does it help that I was foolishly being compliant, trusting RandomDude to not be an ass?*

"I can't spar, I had retina surgery in 1993 and I'm worried they'll get detached if I get hit." (not me.)

3. I'm blind in my left eye, so go easy with your right hand (opposite if they are southpaw).

I actually am blind in one eye. Tell them to man the **** up. I walked home three kilometres from judo with two broken toes and a blind eye. If I can do that, those motherfuckers can take some binka-binka to the face.