The End

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2 words. So simple, yet so final.

And my reality in just 1 week’s time.

As of next Wednesday, August 1, I will be unemployed. Yep, that’s right. J-O-B-less.

Unfortunately, I now know what it feels like to be fired. Well, technically terminated, but still. I’m out of a job.

Here’s the scoop…

I work at a hedge fund, and in a nutshell we’ve lost all of our outside investors. I say outside because I think all of the Principals have some of their own money invested, but you can’t really run a business with the employee base we’ve been carrying based solely on funds from the Principals. You need outside dough coming in, and that is one thing we’ve been severely lacking for a couple years now.

So they made the hard decision to close down our main investment funds and return all outside investors’ capital. In plain English, we went broke.

Now here’s the thing. This was no surprise. Those of you who know me well know that we’ve been living through this possible scenario for the past 4 years. Thankfully I survived every round of downsizing and layoffs until the end, so I do take that as a sign of my worth and standing as an employee. This was due to no fault of my own, and the Principals had nothing but praises to sing about my intelligence, work ethic, qualifications, etc., when the hammer finally dropped and I learned my final date. So that makes me feel a little better about everything.

Still, though, it means the end of a paycheck. The end of 401k contributions. The end of 100% employer-paid health insurance and medical benefits. The end of working in an awesome building with a full cafeteria staff who cooked us breakfast and lunch every day. The end of year-end bonuses. The end of working with people who have become good friends over the last almost 8 years. The end of my career?

That last one is probably the one that scares me most. This is the only “real” type of job I’ve held since graduating college – finance. And now, after a decade, I’m out. And I honestly don’t know if I’ll want to get back in when the time comes. I’ll be off at least the rest of this year, for who wants to hire a 6+ months pregnant chick who they know will be off for about 3 months with a baby shortly after she starts work? Yeah that’s what I thought too – no one.

Thankfully everyone is receiving severance packages, including continued health insurance coverage. And they did throw me a bone since I’m knocked up and extended my insurance coverage through the end of January instead of through October like most have been receiving.

I was really hoping to get just a couple more months out of the deal, since people are being let go in waves – July, August, September, and December, with a very small group staying for 1 year to get everything wound down. End of September would have been ideal. But such is not the case. In speaking with the Principals when I was given my final date they did say there’s always the possibility they could start something back up with a pool of their money, in which case I am high on their list of people they’d want back, but I’m not holding my breath on that whatsoever. I’m fairly certain that when I pull out of the garage on July 31, that will be the last time I see most everyone who’s left.

It’s sad. I’m sad. I foresaw myself working there for the rest of my career, however long that was to be. And for as much as it tore me up to send Della to daycare at 5 months old, I actually hate having to take her out now. She talks about her friends there constantly, she loves the teachers, and we love what they do for the kids. I hope I can keep some semblance of a social routine up for her once she’s at home with me full time. I’ve been saving their weekly lesson plans for the past couple weeks for ideas of what to do, and I’m planning on keeping their daily schedule in tact as much as I can at home, but I’m not going to lie. I’m nervous.

I have no idea how to be a stay at home mom anymore. What if she hates being home with me all day? What if I have no idea what to teach her or how to teach her what she would’ve been learning at daycare? What if she drives me crazy? What if I drive her crazy? What if we drive each other crazy and Ryan comes home to find 2 heaps on the floor, dead from all the crazy?

And then there’s the whole issue of a new baby coming in October. Oh yeah, that!! Someone, anyone, please tell me how to simultaneously (and successfully, mind you) take care of a 2 year old and a newborn all day alone. That is probably the part that makes me most frightened. I don’t know how to do it! The other day I was trying to remember what we did with Della and having her go to daycare when she was born, and then I remembered – she WAS the one who was born. DUH!! See, my mind is already partially gone. How am I going to survive the double kid whammy?

So you see, times they are a-changin’ at our house. Whether for better or worse, I have no idea, but it was out of my control. So it’s just happening. Fortunately, with the severance we’ll be ok financially for awhile. Thank god. And I am hoping to pick up a little freelance work between now and when the baby’s born to help tide us over too.

For those who don’t know, I’m an excellent proofreader/editor. Please check out that JEditing button at the very bottom of the page to be taken to my website for a little more info. And if you need any proofreading/editing services, EMAIL ME! I’m not just being egotistical when I say I’m good. I really am.

If I could do proofreading/editing work indefinitely after the baby’s born this fall, that would be ideal. I like it, I’m very good at it, I love finishing a project and knowing I made it correct, and I could do it from home. And if I were to get enough hours doing that, we could always send the kids to daycare once or twice a week so I could get large chunks of time in to work. Ahh, pipe dreams.

So, my friends, my days as a working mom are numbered. Like I said, I have no idea how I’ll be as a stay at home mom now, but I guess we’ll find out in a few days. Wish me luck!