I have a sick daughter in the hospital and as I sit with her around the clock, because that is what moms do, it is her anxiety that causes me the greatest concern. Everything else I feel like I can help in some way, but I can't make her feel less frantic except my being here. I am sure that she will recover and be well again, but she can not see past the operation she needs, so I am cheerleader and caretaker and mom and all other things right now. So mostly my thoughts are of this really uncomfortable chair, but this lovely wireless connection, which is new.

Funny that you should ask: at this very moment, YOU were on my mind, and not just in a "I'll click on over to niobe's to see what what profound thoughts are flitting through her brain today" kind of way, either. It'll make sense later. Check back on my blog soon.

Much more mundane: That in a month my holidays will already be over, how much I should do before I leave, and how many people have already requested to meet me while I'm there so I feel slightly stressed. The luxury of complaining about holidays, I guess.

I know I've forgotten lots of things, but I can't remember what they are. So I was thinking I should start carrying around that cute little metal encased notebook with the little built in pen that I bought at B&N so that I can write down everything of interest that I think or hear, kind of like a detective or a reporter, but the problem is, I often don't wear pockets.

1) I wish I could shake this almost-constant feeling of anxiety in my chest.

2) I wonder how I'll ever get my head totally back into my studies.

3) I don't know how I feel about the new baby announcement on the office door. Didn't know the mom was pg (or maybe it was her partner who had the baby). It's a little girl born this week whose first name is my Hebrew name. "How nice for her" comes up, but it doesn't freak me a much as the others had.

I just ate pasta with sauce for lunch, and I am pretty sure that I slurped a nice splash of it onto my cheek. When I was a kid I could have licked it off with my tongue. So I am wondering at what age does one's tongue cease to reach one's cheek? And if I do yoga or pilates will it help with my tongue range of motion as well?

I'm thinking (after lunch) when will these pants, which used to be laughably big on me, fit comfortably again? Why did I gain ten pounds during my pregnancy, but only in the last month, and why has that ten pounds been so intent on hanging around. I should probably stop being so mean to myself and go out for a run instead. Too bad I'm working and having a good hair day, so I can't right now.

Did someone say kitchen reno? The prelims (moving of stairs) started this week, things start in earnest, with sledgehammers, on Monday. Which means I need to have everything packed and moved out of the kitchen, butler's pantry, mudroom, powder room, back porch, and the back of my office upstairs over said new kitchen, by Sunday night.

And I'm a bit stressed.

Wait, this was supposed to be profound wasn't it. You need to break a few eggs to make an omelet.

Flutter--I've been having five million of those a day. So much that I've put myself into stress-induced gastritis, or something of the sort. It finally culminated into a rather significant meltdown yesterday around noon, and I was in a psychologist's office by two. She tells me to relax, which is so much easier said than done. But I'm doing anything--ANYTHING--to distract myself, which sort of helps ease the anxiety/panic. What helps the most is to lay down on my lover's chest and hold on tight. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I just listen to our breathing merge together--in, out, in, out, in, out.

In no way do I think you are a pretentious snob or a priss. I was going more for the light-a-candle-chant-some-oms-and-ponder-the-universe effect, because that's usually what I feel like I should do after I read your posts. I like that I'm always left with something to think about or consider, and in contrast to my long-windedness, your ability to be profound with brevity is impressive to me.

Why I put my job above everything else in my life, including my sanity and my mental health. Why I feel guilty taking my leave of absence. Why I feel like I should be doing better, and I shouldn't be falling apart. Why I can't figure out why everything suddenly crashed in upon me all at once.

Why am I eating this shitty "cheesecake brownie" ice cream? How can Ben & Jerry let me down and make a bad flavor?

Damn, i just bit the inside of my lip where I have a canker sore. WTF with these virus symptoms? Should I call the doctor? Is a week with a headache and sore throat something to call about?

I'm so pissed because I was driving home today thinking about how GREAT my life is and all it took was my husband being pissy because he "deserved" a better dinner than I put on the table to move me to a screaming, crying, ice-cream eating Gorgon.