SHE'S WAY TOO FORGIVING--AND TOO FAT

Cheryl Lavin, Tribune Staff WriterCHICAGO TRIBUNE

Dear Cheryl: My marriage is in trouble. It started in July. I was working third shift. (I am now unemployed.) My husband works second shift. He would be home at night and on-line in a chat room. He met someone. We were always fighting and not doing much together. There was a festival and he wanted to go, but I was too tired. I told him to go. He took her. For two months I had no idea about what was going on, other than they were seeing a lot of each other. When he told me they were having an affair, I was shocked. They say they love each other. I am not so sure. I feel it is just sex and the fact that he can talk to her about anything. I have asked him to talk to me, but he says that he can't talk to me the same way. The affair is still going on, but I have forgiven him. We are still together. We are even trying to have a baby. Both of us want that no matter what happens to us. I have tried everything to get him to give me a second chance and save our marriage. He says he loves me but is not attracted to me. I am overweight. I have been on every kind of diet. I lose weight but then it comes back plus some. He does not want to leave and I do not want to kick him out. I still love him and I know that deep down he still loves me. I feel that if she would just leave him alone he would come back to me.

Head In the Sand

Dear Head/Sand: Where to begin? Starting at the end: Why should she leave him alone? They have a good thing going. If you're waiting for her to have an attack of conscience, forget it. Moving up: Why would he want to leave? He has all the comforts of home (including a wife who has forgiven him for what he did, what he's doing and what he's going to do) plus he's getting a little on the side. Next: If your weight is a problem, do something about it, not for this dirt bag, but for yourself. Next: A BABY? ARE YOU CRAZY? You may not have very high expectations for your life, but surely you want more for your child. And finally, get a job! and on a shift so you and your husband can work the same hours and spend time together. BUT ONLY IF HE GIVES UP THE GIRLFRIEND. That is the bottom line. If he won't give her up, your marriage is over. Stick a fork in it, it's done.

Dear Cheryl: I'm attractive, tall, thin, late 30s, intelligent, professional. People say I'm a nice guy, but I don't meet any women. I have a few friends who are crude and selfish. They have no trouble meeting women wherever and whenever they want. Where does a guy like me go to meet people?

Don't Get It

Dear Don't: Go wherever your crude friends are going and do what they do to meet women, then revert back to yourself.

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Got a problem? Send it to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611 or send e-mail to CLavin@tribune.com. Please include day and evening phone numbers. Read Tales from the Front every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday in Tempo.