Parenting Emotionally Intense, Spirited, Challenging Children.

If You Can See it – You Can Be it

There’s nothing that I know of that will get parenting back on track faster than to get into a good parenting book.

At least that’s how I’m feeling right now. Obviously I need parenting help.

It seems like every time one of my kids enters a new phase of development, my parenting skills take a nose dive. Apparently, my adaptability to change is not all that it could be either!

Actually, I love change. I love to change my hair, re-arrange the furniture, try new things. I even change the design of my websites on a regular basis. However, when one of my intense kids hit’s a developmental bump in the road it’s not usually a easy transition. Maybe because they’re not good at change so when a new neuron fires in one of their rapid fire brains and the world suddenly doesn’t look the same as it did last week, it puts them into a tailspin and the ability to cope goes out the window… for all of us.

The girl, being 4, seems to hit those bumps at lightning speed and not always after overcoming the last leap.

She has stubborn down to a science and she’s also determined to be shy. Hmmm… I don’t really think one “decides” to be shy – I’m shy and I would love nothing more than to overcome that but I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it’s not going to happen… although I can fake it with enough prep time and self dialogue.- at 4, the girl is not there yet.

So, we have battles because, as a result of her shyness, she hates school. Almost daily she refuses to go and we have a talk about how much fun she’s going to have and I remind her of the handful of friends she has and the teacher she likes and she goes. On good days. On bad days I’m exasperated with repeating this conversation for the 100th time and I wonder (to myself) why she can’t be more like her brothers and I heave deep sighs and sometimes I even yell.

Needless to say, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that on my bad days, I’m not helping.

So I picked up a book. A parenting book. A POSITIVE parenting book and within moments of being in it, I started to “be it”. If you can see it, you can be it.

If I can see myself being that calm and rational parent… that “ideal” parent, that perfect parent and suddenly I am better. I get injected with a potent dose of patience and compassion and I’m better.

The book I’m reading is “The Confident Child” by Terri Apter and I’m liking it. My kids are liking it too but they don’t know it.

My next post I’m going to talk about what I’m learning from this book about the parental influence on self esteem and confidence. It’s important