Drew Brees Understands If You Want To Abruptly Retire. In Fact, He Wishes You Well In Your Golden Years

Longtime Bears center Olin Kreutz played at a superior level for 13 years in Chicago. This past off-season, he left for New Orleans to snap the ball to a good quarterback for a change. He obviously didn’t care for it, so Kreutz opted to call it a career this week. He cited a lack of passion as the reason for his reason to leave the game. Breesus has never suffered for a lack of passion, only for your sins, but he isn’t going to judge his team’s starting center for walking away. He knows Kreutz will find something else that makes him happy and gives him purpose, and really, that’s all that matters to Breesus.

As for this contest, hooray for second straight week of subpar primetime games! Did you know Drew Brees and Curtis Painter both went to Purdue? Sorry to spoil the factoid that announcers will use to fill dead air in a blowout. So maybe we will miss Fetushead for not being able to relive his Super Bowl XLIV pick-six heroics, but we’ll get by okay. As much as it was painful to see Tebow’s comeback against Miami produce predictably terrible headlines like these:

At least the loss keeps Miami in the running for top position in the Suck for Luck suckstakes. Have you seen the Indy’s schedule? It’d be pretty brutal even if they had Peyton. Without him, well, those two games against Jacksonville look like the only ones they’re capable of winning barring a complete meltdown by another opponent. Which is why we’re doing all we can to implore the Jags to roll over for Indy later this season. We’ll do anything! Buy tickets, jerseys. We’ll pretend like the team has a thriving fan base and is in absolutely no danger of relocation. All these things can be yours for two measly losses.

Anyway, various moments of lulz from today’s action:

Here’s Marmalard chucking the ball out of bounds on a desperation 4th down at the end of the Chargers’ loss to the Jets. DEATH FLOAT! That he comes off the field shouting at Norv is yet another blissful confirmation of everything we cruelly correctly assume about Laserface.

Matt Forte had an amazing juke on a TD run early in the Bears victory over Tampa. He followed that up by getting tackled for a safety, which featured a hearteningly malevolent “FUCK YOU” being picked up by one of the the field microphones. In my NFL, if you score, you should be awarded one extravagant dance routine or outlandish profanity. It’s only right.

The Vikings Brian Robison kicked Packers’ lineman T.J. Lang in the groin following a Green Bay field goal. Wish we had gotten player audio of that. In my opinion, “TAKE THAT, CHEESEDICK” is a simple and solid line for punting a Packer in the nuts.

Not carting Hines off the field in a rickshaw is pretty culturally insensitive, if you ask me. Even a pedicab would have been nice.

Back from some video games just in time for the start of this train wreck of a game. The scheduling for Sunday Night and Monday Night games has been brutal this season. When does this flex schedule thing kick in again?