Tag: romance and couples

How do you really know if it is lust or love. In a life time the average person falls in love at least 4 times. But is it really love? Here are the signs to be aware of before you decide if he is the right one.

Communication

Being honest with each other in a relationship is very important and it is also important that you get to know the person properly before you commit yourself. How well do you know him? Is the only talking you do bedroom talk?

Good signs

You talk openly about life issues such as finances, children, things that frighten you, where you want your life to go.
You can argue and come to some sort of compromise at the end of it.
You are open and honest with each other about your feelings.

Warning signs

You only know his favourite colour, what paper he reads. You are afraid to ask him in depth questions about his life for fear of rejection or what you might find out.
You don’t discuss how you are feeling and often end up resenting each other.
Neither of you is willing to forgive one another.

Love

A long lasting relationship or marriage can’t survive without love. So is it love or are you just kidding yourself?

Good signs

In a crisis you stand by each other no matter what the result.
You make sacrifices to make the other person happy.
You are truthful and honest and don’t keep secrets from one another.
You are emotionally, physically, and mentally compatible.
You are friends as well as lovers.

Warning signs

When the going gets tough, he gets going.
He has an eye for the ladies and has proved to be untrustworthy.
He lies to you about where he has been and only confesses when you find out the truth.
There is little physical affection, laughter, or communication between the two of you.
He has been unfaithful on numerous occasions.

Respect

A relationship is about friendship, respect, and acceptance of one another. When this is lacking, trust and respect is replaced by suspicion which can turn to hatred.

Good signs

You are aware of your partner’s faults and are able to accept some imperfections.
You support and encourage each other’s individual interests and identity.
You take the time to listen and understand the other person’s opinions.

Warning signs

You criticize each other in front of others.
He will not give you space to indulge in your interests and wants to spend every minute of the day with you.
You are constantly struggling to live up to his standards or the person you think he wants you to be.
You can’t forgive and/or forget each others mistakes.

Do you feel unfilled in your relationship? Are you continuously attracting boring dates? Want to spark up your love life? Here’s my best advice for you. Drum roll please… You need to get out of your comfort zone!

Let me first tell you the reason why you feel bored and un-stimulated in your love life [this can apply to any area of your life as well] it’s because you are staying in your comfort zone. Trying new things will bring life and passion back into your relationships.

Learning a new activity with your partner is known to bring back more passion in a couple. What kind of adventure or new activity could you go on, that would get you to bond and learn new things together? Maybe it’s skiing lessons? How about, taking a trip to a place you haven’t been before? Or skydiving?

Cooking classes on exotic dishes can really open you up to some new excitement. Let’s not forget about tantric sex. These could all be ways to get out of your comfort zone. Think about what would you both enjoy doing that would stretch you? Here’s one I highly recommend: show vulnerability and trust that your partner will still love you. That’s one of the most exciting things you can do with a partner.

If you are not in a committed relationship but keep on attracting dates that are boring it’s probably because you are going for what feels safe. When we are not confident, we often go for someone we feel deep down is not a match at some level because “if it does not work out we won’t be devastated”.

Have you always wanted to go out with a certain person you know that you find extremely attractive, but you don’t let yourself show your interest? How about going for someone who sees through you and calls you on who you are and is totally into you? How about someone who is emotionally available, who would actually be a really nice person for you and wants to be in a committed relationship?

So be honest with yourself now and see if there is not some place for some more courageous actions you could take that would spice up your love life!

Dating is sometimes harder than it should be. After countless dinners and drinks, it can be tempting to throw in the towel and resign to nights of forever watching Netflix alone in your bed. But when dating is done right, it can be amazing, and those great dates often lead to great relationships. So consider this your dating playbook, with all the information you need to survive the first date.

Go beyond the bar scene

Sure, you might meet the love of your life while sipping gin and tonics, but wouldn’t it be so much cooler to say you met at a mud run? You never know where you’re going to meet the next person you date, so if you’re only looking in one spot (like that bar where you’re a regular) then you’re missing out on tons of possible partners. We know plenty of couples who have met while standing in line at the grocery store, a Target parking lot, even a naked reality show. The takeaway? Love can crop up anywhere, so get out there and keep your eyes open.

Let your friends set you up

No one loves you quite like your friends do, so let them set you up with someone that they can vouch for. “It’s better for single people to meet through friends because there’s a familiarity and comfort that goes with that,” says behavioral scientist Christie Hartman, Ph.D. “A friend setting you up means the guy is ‘vetted’ to some extent.”

So let them play matchmaker—but first, lay down some rules. Make it clear ahead of time that the way the date goes is totally not a reflection on your friend, or you, or the guy. Hey, sometimes chemistry is there, and sometimes it isn’t. So unless your friend is Patti Stanger, remind her that it’s no one’s fault if this goes horribly wrong. (But if it goes totally right, you should probably buy her a drink).

Consider dating your friends

The term “friend zone” should totally be banished—in part, because your friends can sometimes make the best dates. Think about it: Someone you’re already friends with is likely to have similar values, to know your background and your family, and to make you feel ultra comfortable with them. Plus, friendship is the foundation for any relationship, so having that bond established can be key, says relationship expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.

Focus on first impressions

First dates can be overwhelming, so streamline your focus into making the first few moments count. It takes only 12 minutes for you to decide if you’re interested in the other person (and for them to decide if they dig you) so bring your A-game the second you arrive. To make a stellar first impression, make eye contact, smile, and focus on what he’s saying, according to Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections—In Person and Online. And don’t forget to check in with yourself, too! You might be so focused on making a flawless first impression that you forget to ask yourself if you’re even into the other person.

Don’t play it cool on a date

We’ve all been told that guys love the chase, but according to research, that’s not exactly true. One study showed that men are more attracted to responsive women, and women who were kind and warm right off the bat. That doesn’t mean being over-the-top eager—you don’t have to laugh at his jokes if they’re not funny—but it’s definitely OK to respond to that text in a timely manner, or tell him how much fun you’re having. Being kind is definitely a turn on, so forget what you’ve been told about playing it ice-cold.

Avoid oversharing

Word-vomit happens, but one way to tank a first date is to admit how long you spent Google stalking him or accidentally blurt out, “Woah, you look exactly like my ex!” The censorship walls can come down after a little bit, but try to steer clear of these awkward comments on a first date, or we’re guessing there won’t be a second one.

Pay attention to how you talk to each other

It’s more than just what you’re saying—it’s how you say it. One study showed that when men talk to a woman they find attractive, they tend to vary their vocal pitch from high to low tones (in a sing-songy way). If you’re looking to analyze the long-term potential, pay attention to the types of words you both use. Another study suggested that people who use the same function words (maybe you both say “quite” and “tons” a lot) are more likely to couple up and stay together.

Follow their gaze

Is it love at first sight? It depends on where their eyeballs land. Research suggests that when someone feels a romantic connection, his or her gaze tends to linger on the other person’s face. When they just feel sexual desire, their eyes tend to wander around the person’s body. During the next date you’re on, follow their gaze. If he’s staring into your eyes all night, there’s a good chance he’s really into you.

Don’t let your friends ruin your vibe

Getting your friends’ (and family’s) opinion on your new beau is essential, but if you ask too soon, it could color your own feelings. One study showed that when opinions were framed differently—saying that “seven out of ten” people liked your date, versus “three out of ten” people didn’t like him—it can seriously affect our own evaluation. So you might want to avoid asking for an outside opinion until you’ve gotten the chance to make one yourself.

You’ll soon learn that messiness is a way of life, not limited to external forces. We have messy brain/life too. Don’t expect our iTunes to have been updated since 2005. We’ve got 3 email addresses because we keep forgetting our password. Our desktop has the most shit ever on it. And we will probably forget our anniversary, soz.

Laundry. Lol.

You literally can’t take us anywhere. Because, spillage…

There’s probably going to be sand in the bed a lot. Or crumbs. Or both.

1. “How do you spice it up?” As if it weren’t already spicy. When you’re in a really, really good relationship, you don’t have to search for spices — they’re just there in infinite supply.

2. “You’re young! You need to get out there and experience what the world has to offer you.” And by that do you mean “have one-night stands with guys who don’t know what they’re doing and first dates that are awkward as hell”? I don’t judge if that’s what you enjoy. But if I found My Person, there’s no point in going on dates that I don’t really want to be on.

3. “How’s the ball and chain doing?” Or “How’s the boyyyyyyfriend?” you might say while rolling your eyes as if to suggest it’s such a chore to be in a happy, steady relationship. He’s great and we love the shit out of each other, actually! Thanks for asking.

4. “People in long-term relationships are just people who are way too comfortable with each other.” Allow me to clarify: A comfortable relationship is not an unhappy relationship. I’m comfortable with my significant other in the sense that I will walk around with no makeup and send him ugly selfies. Comfort does not make us dislike each other.

5. “It’s so weird that you have no one else to compare him or your relationship to. How can you even tell if he’s The One?” This is hard to understand for someone who hasn’t found their person yet, but if you have found your person, you know. To put it in simple terms — your favorite personal belonging probably isn’t your favorite because some external force made you realize that it is. Your favorite green bracelet is your favorite green bracelet because you love it and it means something to you. It’s that simple. So, yeah, I just know.

6. “I don’t believe in monogamy.” And I do. Which is why I am me, and you are you. Oh, look, a poem!

7. “Come on, just be my wingwoman!” Uh, no, that’s boring for me. I don’t bring you out on my dates because you’d rather poke your eyes out than be a third wheel, which is totally fine. But that’s what being your wingwoman feels like to me.

8. “Doesn’t it get boring?” If it were boring I wouldn’t be doing it. I’m in a committed relationship with a person, I am not in a committed relationship with boredom. Thanks though.

9. “You can’t be together long-term if you don’t hook up with other people first.” This is a real thing that someone told me once, and it blew my mind. Just because the first guy I got with ended up being the only guy I wanted to get with doesn’t mean that it’s not real. (See no. 5 above, ahem.)

10. Not ever inviting me to girls’ things where it’s mostly single girls because they assume you don’t want to come. Just because I am in a relationship doesn’t mean I am against hanging out with single people. When I’m going out with my best girlfriends, the last thing I am thinking about is anyone’s relationship status. So if you’re going out for a fun night of drinks and food, whether or not you’re looking for hookups, count me in!

11. “How do you know? You’ve only been with one guy.” <—The ~sAsSy~ remark you get whenever you try to give relationship advice. Yes, I have only been with one guy. Because he’s an awesome hell of a guy who treats me exactly as I should be treated. Because I know how good it feels to be in a happy relationship, I know that the way that douchebag is treating you is wrong. And you deserve to be happy!

12. “You must think about other guys all the time.” I mean yeah, I have eyes. I think that Eric Decker is hot as hell because he is. I acknowledge that a man is attractive as he walks past me on the street because I am a living human. Just because I am monogamous doesn’t mean I want to rip off my clothes at the sight of a hot man who isn’t my man.

13. “Do you really think he’s ever only been with you?” I really do because we’re in a trusting relationship. That’s what monogamous relationships are. And that’s what I like having in my life.

Is falling in love worth the risk? Should I guard my heart? These are questions every man asks when he thinks he’s falling in love.

When my wife and I began dating almost twenty years ago, I knew there was something different about her. My best friend was marrying her best friend and, although she and I had met, we really didn’t know each other. By the end of our best friends’ wedding weekend, she and I were dating.

There were so many things running through my head as our relationship progressed. Did I really want to fall in love now? Is this just convenient? How could I be sure she was the one?

Nearly 20 years later, I know falling in love with her was the best decision I ever made. Looking back, I could have been assured falling in love with her was a wise decision a lot sooner if I had asked myself five simple questions. If the answers to these questions are positive, she may just be worth lowering your defenses and falling in love with.

What type of trail does she leave behind?

Does she leave a trail of negative or positive outcomes? Did her past relationships fail due to her actions? Does she still have a good relationship with previous employers or did she leave in a negative way?

Don’t get me wrong: people can change. The problem is most don’t. Most people have previous relationships that didn’t work out. There is usually a pattern, and patterns typically continue to happen. So if she cheated on someone else with you, don’t be surprised if she cheats on you in the future. If she settled for her past relationship and left as soon as something better came along, take notice.

Looking back, I could have assured myself that my wife was the one. She had previous relationships, but not very many. The few she had were relatively long-term and they all ended peacefully. She had a pattern of only dating if she was serious about a relationship. She also had strong relationships with all of her former employers, which showed me she left on good terms. This also showed me she didn’t create a lot of drama. Study her past for a glimpse into her future.

Who does she spend time with?

I believe with all my heart that I can predict your future simply by seeing who you choose to spend time with. Understand that you are not going to like all her friends and they aren’t all going to like you. Don’t judge her based on one or two of her friends. Judge based upon the actions of the majority of her friends.

If all her friends are boring, make sure you are okay with boring. If all her friends are partiers, make sure you are okay with partying. If all her friends run around on their boyfriends, be careful. If all her friends are focused on their futures, odds are she will be as well.

My wife had friends that I enjoyed being around. (She still does.) I love to laugh, and her friends always seemed to have a good time. When we met, my wife’s friends were all in college working toward brighter futures. There were lines that most of her friends wouldn’t cross, and that was appealing to me.
Take a look at who she chooses to spend time with and it will give you a clue as to who she will become.

Is she focused on herself or others?

This gets to the core of who she is as a person. Does she have compassion? Is she forgiving of others or overly judgmental? Is it always about her? In order for relationships to work, the people involved cannot be selfish. Selfishness is the seed that blooms into action. Selfish action eventually causes most relationships to fail.

Tough times will come. If she’s selfish, she is more likely to quit than to try to work things out when the tough times come. Again, tough times will come. Be prepared.

My wife has always loved kids. She worked at a juvenile detention center when we first started dating because she loved helping kids that had not seen much compassion in their lives. Looking back, this should have assured me that she would support me when I made mistakes. It proved we had a similar desire to help others.

If she is focused on others, she will likely do the same in your relationship.

Opposites may attract, but similarities make them stay

How similar are you? Do you share similar beliefs spiritually or politically? These beliefs usually strengthen over time. This means any divide between you could grow wider and cause friction.
Are you similar physically? If you’re 100 pounds overweight, don’t expect the yoga instructor to stay interested over time. Do you have a similar vision of your future? If she wants kids and you don’t, you will eventually have a problem.

When my wife and I were dating, we talked about everything. There were areas we disagreed about, but for the most part we had the same beliefs and were in similar physical condition. We shared a common vision of what our marriage would look like in the future. These similarities have helped us grow closer while other married friends who were not similar drifted apart.

It is exciting to date someone who is completely opposite of you. Just understand that that excitement will eventually wear off.

Does she inspire you to be a better man?

Have you thought about changing some things you’ve always done? Are you more focused on your future since you started dating her? Are you more health-conscious, goal-oriented, or motivated to be a better man because of her?

My wife is my most trusted adviser and personal cheerleader. She encourages me when I need encouragement and gives me a kick in the pants when it’s needed. It hurts when I disappoint her because I want to be the best I can be for her. She inspires me and makes me strive to grow in all areas of my life. If she inspires you to be a better man, then she just might be the one.

Surprisingly, he may have enjoyed date No. 1 as much as you did — and that’s the problem.

It’s the number-one question women have about dating. Does this scenario sound familiar? You have a great time with Mr. First Date. Not a so-so, marginal, you-can-sort-of-understand-why-it-didn’t work-out time. No, this was clearly fun that was had by all.

He says he’ll call you, but when the phone doesn’t ring, you think, “OK, maybe it’s too soon to hear from him.” One week later without a text, tweet, email, or call, and you wonder what you did wrong. Why did he disappear after the date that apparently only you thought was great?

You imagine dozens of reasons why he didn’t call you back. His phone fell into a pond. He lost his memory in an accident. The telephone company is on strike and no one can get through.

Yes, there could be dozens of bizarre turns of events that left him unable to contact you. But that’s probably not the case. To end the suspense, I spoke to men to uncover and share (in their words) some of the most common reasons they don’t call women back after that first date.

You’ve found your soul mate. Now you live happily ever after. Well, maybe, but not if you do not put some energy into your relationship. Many couples assume that it is perfectly natural to eventually become one of those couples who remains in a pizza, and the question of the most exciting night to watch that movie on cable. Is that your relationship?

Although the company is a great sign of a healthy relationship, many couples can fall into the trap of becoming too complacent. There may be a fine line between a good relationship and a relationship boring. You find yourself sitting in bed working on your laptop or watching reruns on TV, or are you still swinging from chandeliers?

Although not all will be performing both aerobics room forever, passion and romance are important in all stages of a healthy relationship. Feel comfortable and at ease with your soul mate is a fantastic feeling. However, couples must now be extremely cautious when they reach that comfort zone they do not stop trying.

Remember all those sweet romantic things you did to them in the beginning? Why stop? They made you feel good about them, as they felt good for your partner to receive them. Gratitude and appreciation are two extremely important factors in a happy society. You are grateful when this fantastic person came into your life. You’ve enjoyed their great qualities. Six months or a year on the track this person is always the person that you were so grateful to meet. Keep showing them that.

Couples who have the time or need for sleep are challenged to take the seed of all these celebrity books. Make time for yourself as a couple. If you must, write in your journal or Blackberry. Give yourself a night all week just for you two. Maybe you just want to go out for a simple meal. Maybe you want a massage for your aching neck.

As time passes, you will be able to lay down some of your special time. Examples of turn off cell phones and computers, or no TV, or candles only. Whatever works for the pair of you. You’ll find that you’ll begin to look forward to your romantic time together. Maybe you can start a mental list of things you’d like to do or where you want to go. Before too long, you’ll wonder how you ever lived without your time as a couple.

You can live happily ever after. We must work to keep alive the passion in a healthy relationship. Do not blow sparks appeasement relationship of love with your soul mate. Each couple must charm, pleasure and passion to maintain a happy and flourishing.

In an ideal relationship, your partner always magical, borderline mentally know what you want. If you have to ask, it means you are in need or your partner is Clueless – and that, basically, your love is not meant to be.

Right? Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

A beautiful relationship can feel like magic, but – as I learned from my own years of marriage – a very good relationship are not powered by magic. (Or, indeed, psychic abilities.) At some point, yes, your partner will develop a sixth sense on how to make you happy, but he or she will need some raw data first.

And if you are never able to articulate what you want, you will not get it, said Mark White, Ph.D., professor of political science, economics and philosophy at the College of Staten Island and Graduate Center of the City University of New York. Dr. White sees this problem – a common relations, especially as “needy” appears on the list many singles’ top 10 of the turn-offs – as a misunderstanding of the role and meaning of “altruism” when you are in love with someone.

Why put others first is not always a good thing

“Altruism” sounds like a good quality to have … and when it comes to volunteering, empathy, or the ability to feel connected to the world around you, it’s good. But in love, White says, there is a limit. As he recently wrote in his blog on PsychologyToday.com, White said that so-called “selfless love” – ​​which again, seems ideal – it is really a paradox. Why?

“When you try too hard to be” disinterested “in a relationship, focusing exclusively on the needs of the other person rather than getting your own needs met, you do not let the other person do what ‘he or she wants to do, “said White.” You think it’s selfless to not express your needs, but is actually selfish, because your partner wants to know. ”

Have we not all our needs are met? Why should we remain silent? For Karen F., 40, of Washington DC, it was his reluctance to appear depends on the attention of a man. “I used to always tell my friends they do not need to call me all the time because I did not want them to feel as if I were them or put too much pressure demands on their time, “she said.” Then when I started dating my boyfriend, I said the same thing, and he replied: “OK, you do not want me to call you?” J ‘I realized how stupid it looked and realized it was all my own problems to work. ”

If your man uses friends and family as a constant crutch, it can signal a red flag in the relationship.

Relationship success is based on two people standing in coupledom free from outside influence. My listeners and readers are often challenged to meet new people who have a “pack mentality” when it comes to relationships. If the new person does not fit into the “package” (parents, friends, colleagues, etc.) or comply with its rules, the outsider often quickly dumped – which means there are potentially great relationships do not even get a chance to grow. Below are 10 ways to tell whether he is his own guy:

1. He is fine socializing on your own

A man who is able to be out of town without anyone else is his own guy. If you think that all movies, dinner, escape weekend, company party or sporting event is about how many friends he can throw into the mix, be warned – he certainly needs the relationship buffers, so he need not to focus too much attention on you.

2. He shows a healthy family separation

Definitely go for a guy who has got a fantastic relationship with his family, but make sure he sees them realistic. One of the keys to being a fully formed adult is being able to balance the love for your family of origin with your own views on how you plan to make things better for your own family. Is he open about some of his family’s fault? Is he able to distinguish between the ways in which his family does things and the way he chooses to do them? See his conversations and interactions with his family for clues.

3. He is willing to try unfamiliar social situations

This one is great! Is he open to trying things with you that may not necessarily be “his” thing? We all step into the relationships with our basic profile of what we think is funny or interesting set in our minds. Test athlete a bit by suggesting a museum visit or tasting date; offer finance guy a chance to go to a big indie concert; invite the artist to accompany you to a larger company event. If he is willing to give something a try for you, so clearly he is a guy who goes against the tide and are up to taking chances, regardless of what others might think.

4. He needs no advice to help him make life decisions

Is he able to make major life decisions without a selection value help? There will be a million times in a relationship where you are going to need to hear clearly from him what he thinks. You must be sure that what he gives you his true thoughts and opinions and not what his best buddy thinks.

5. He is an information / opinion junkie
Are you ever surprised at what he thinks about a hot news topic, or a big new TV show? Has he ever sort of sway from the expected response when discussing current events together? If yes, he is a keeper. This is a clear sign that he is willing to research and form their own views on his world – he is his own guy.

6. He shows off his softer side when you are together

Do you guys have your own magic against the world? Is he willing to get sappy or silly with you in an attempt to show his interest or love for you? Then this is a guy not afraid to let his softer yourself shine and be vulnerable around you, no matter what others may think. His goal is to impress and mesmerize you instead of worrying about violating any “man code.”

7. He knows that work is work … and when to stop looking clock

We all want a partner who wants to move forward and succeed, but he is able to still be your guy, while climbing the career ladder? Is he able to put work aside to talk to you during the day or an evening out with you after a hard day at the office? Does he value his relationships with people as much as his connection to his BlackBerry? What you should be looking for well rounded guy – he values ​​doing well in his career, but also know that there are far more alive than being in the office late every night.

8. He knows that, in relationships, compromise is key

A person who is able to see all sides of any argument and make any compromise is a relationship gift! Does he give you time to state your case? Does he occasionally comes over to your side of thinking? Is he able to respectfully hold its own ground when you disagree? These are indicators of a man who is afraid to be who he is, but it is clearly realize that the world does not need to feel the same way as he does.

9. He lives in a diverse world

We live in a very diverse society today, where the views, beliefs and backgrounds, the entire map. Check your husband’s friends and his interests. Does he seem to challenge themselves by stepping out into the world, or is he kind of stays in the safe zone with the same old, same old he is known forever? If your husband have different friends and interests, so he’s probably arrogant enough to not just repeat what the popular perception about the way things are, but rather, he is busy creating its own, more informed opinion based on his personal real world experiences.

10. He’s your guy, not just a male stereotype
Much the same way that we as women get a mental picture of what the perfect partner, girlfriend or wife should be – men also carry an internal image that defines what their role in a relationship should be, too. Is he willing to be the guy you need, or is he seems to be following the typical “girlfriend” script? For example: You tell him you hate flowers, but he continues to buy them for you. Or, in conversations about the future, tell you whom you plan to balance a great job of raising children, and he seems to steer the conversation back to you to stay home. These are examples of a man who is more interested in following traditional gender roles than do things to work with you specifically. Look for a guy who really listens to you and is willing to bend to ensure that you both get the best out of your relationship.