Once upon a time, there was a blogger who had never really seriously dreamed of being a princess, but who was nevertheless determined to stop casting herself in the role of a troll.

Who’s that trip-tripping over my bridge?

Grrr! Roar! Frangmozzle! Roar!

One day, this blogger used her magical telepathic woodland animal friends (who live inside her Kodajone phone) to ask for the company of her dazzling, dancing, coffee-making friend on a Sunday morning adventure. This dazzling, dancing, coffee-making friend, you see, had a secret key.

A secret key/membership card to the magical wonderland of Costco.

What happened after that was an emotional rollercoaster of rollercoastering emotions.

At first, Costco created sadness. Sadness at seeing endless packets of shelf-stable meat. Sadness at a shelf-stable meat that you hate for its tendency to, in your prior life as a casual cafe worker cooking bacon and egg rolls for hours every Saturday morning, infest your hair/skin/clothes with its aroma.

Sadness at the realisation that if this is “real” crumbled bacon, then there must also be “fake” crumbled bacon. Although, come to think of it, maybe fake bacon wouldn’t have left me with such traumatised high-school-job memories?

Black and white. Because it’s artistic.

Happiness! Oh, happiness! All [real or fake] bacon sadness was forgotten as I desperately tried to pull every jar of Poppycock from the Poppycock Tower into my arms, cheered on by passing strangers.

(No, really. Two strangers applauded.)

Then it was back to abject misery, as my feeble mind tried to comprehend the horror that is the phrase “meat soak pads”.

I must admit, I did turn to Jenni at one point and say “I know this is antithetical to the point, but I wish some of this stuff came in smaller packages…” Living and cooking just for me limits bulk-handiness!

In high school, my at-the-time boyfriend adopted a pet toad he found outside somewhere. We named it Costco.

As the days and weeks passed, Costco developed fuzzy rash wart things and lost the big box-gleam that had once possessed his fiery, world domination-fueled eyes. He quit loving life, and all because I had never been to a real Costco and didn’t know that I should have bought him a meat soak pad for his little toad lair.

I think we let him go before his untimely death, so that he could return to nature and pass away in peace. If I were to ever get stuck inside a Costco, I could only wish for the same fate.

Hmm, I was thinking in a more obscure-gross sense than vegetarian-style fake bacon, which certainly does exist at my local Coles. Costco is a massive grocery/homewares store where ‘most everything comes in bulk. Or something. I don’t really know how to describe it either!

I have a membership to costco. To be honest, for the most part, I only go there to buy wine/beer and peanut butter. Lots and lots of peanut butter. Sometimes I buy toilet paper and paper towels too because, well, you can just never have too much of that stuff. Oh and did I mention the samples?

I love the adorable poses you make! I think just photographing you walking down the street would be highly entertaining! I mean that in a good way of course – your facial features are so expressive. 🙂
I still have lots of food at home from my Costco trip – I feel like going again but I can’t eat the food quickly enough!
My favourite purchase was a bag of Brookfarm Walkabout Mix Bt Bogong. It consists of nuts, dried fruit and tiny buds of delicious chocolate. They cleverly even sprinkled a little sea salt in there. Everything in it was just so fresh – I hadn’t had pistachios for a long time and the ones in there are juicy and divine!
I’ll probably ask a friend to get me a bag the next time she’s there.

Poppycock means nonsense doesn’t it? Well, I believe we all need a little nonsense in our lives every now and then. 🙂

Bahaha, you’re just saying that because you know I have conversations in my head when I’m walking and pull all the associated-expressive faces as I go… Oh, and you know I sing as I walk too. 😛

I know, I actually *still* have almonds from my December trip to Costco! The bulk aspect isn’t actually that great when you live/cook alone, like me. I did see that Brookfarm trail mix, and my mother once put it in my Christmas stocking… but I think I like the almond crunch better 🙂

But I’m with Lisa on this – don’t know if I want to be a member without having a look around but they won’t let you in unless you are. Sucks balls.

BUT – that pic of you and your tower of Poppy-cocks has me teetering on giving them a chance again. Loved the story (I can only imagine the horror of meat soak pads. What ARE they??!! WHAT ARE THEY??!!)

Yes, I think Agnes and I had to take two whole trains, or a train and tram, when we went from Central! It’s a fair drive for us here in Canberra too. And as I said to Lisa, you just need to find someone with a membership card to take you, like I did 🙂

I DON’T KNOW WHAT MEAT SOAK PADS ARE AND I DON’T WANT TO KNOW EVER EVER EVER EVER.

I LOVE POPPYCOCK CARAMEL CORN! 🙂 We don’t have a membership to Costco but some family friends do and whenever they come over they bring a can (or like last weekend, two!) And I proceed to devour half of one can in 2 days…oops….

I SO want to go to Costco! It’s non-existence in WA is something that makes me very sad, especially as my partner subscribes to Choice, and they always talk about it. Those meat pads might almost have put me off though, if it wasn’t for your final glorious picture. Enjoy!!

OMG, costco is there now too! Insane, that place is everywhere now. To be honest, I’m not a costco shopper or fan. We bought a membership once, over ten years ago, and never bought a single thing there. Oh well.

heheh the pictures are so funnny! So cute. 😀 I do like costco but only get a fewwww essentials. At first, I was like, what the heck?!!! what is this warehouse?! B/c in argentina there is no such thing as mass purchase like costco offers. So I was quite confused 😛

😀 Why thank you! Though do you mean the spectacular Troll-Ugg look that Gucci is surely going to steal for the next New York Fashion Week, or the one at the end where I seemingly didn’t realise my midriff was showing? I’m so cool. So cool. :S

The cherries are crazypants good. Just tart enough to taste of real sour cherries and not solid sugar. They make a great topping for peanut butter toast too 😉

I love Costco. We go every couple of months. I would have bought two packages of the bacon. 😉 our Costco has samples and it’s been a great way to get J-Man to try new things. My husband is obsessed with the Kirkland trail mix.

1) What the heck is Poppycock?! It sure is fun(-ny) to say! 2) We have a Costco here in Omaha, but I have never seen the meat pads you speak of (vomit). 3) Yes, of course fake bacon exists! Don’t you have Bac’n Pieces in Australia (which we call Bacon Bits, even though that’s not the correct name)? Very popular salad topper here in the states. Tastes like bacon but alas – safe for pig-lovers like me! 😉

1) Poppycock is your country’s invention, m’dear! Caramel popcorn with pecans and almonds. Also known as crack. 😛 But in Australia, “poppycock” also means “nonsense!” Does it mean that in America too?
2) No fair. You get samples, we get meat pads.
3) *shudder* I’ve never eaten Bacon Bits, but they probably do exist. I think I remember seeing them in a bowl at Sizzlers once, but that would’ve been 15 years ago now…

Honestly? The candy and cookie aisles. They still unsettle me because I have such a sweet tooth. 😕 Other aisles just annoy me, like the dairy and pasta section. And some aisles make me sad, such as the ones that are filled with organic produce of which I can’t eat the most because it involves whole grains that are stuffed with gluten, or soy products.

And after all that unsettling and sadness, here’s what I like: the veg and fruit department. The tea aisle. 😀 The ones where I can get nuts and legumes and brown rice (which I eat from time to time, and I like to discover new varieties). The section with frozen fish and seafood. The wine aisle. 😉 And although I love my chicken, I don’t like the section where I get it so much because all that meat is a little creeps. 🙂

Love love love Costco. And yes, It inspires almost as much horror as delight. Does anybody REALLY need that much (fill in the blank)? This post fills me with happiness at seeing your Costco bounty, and sadness that I can’t get that stuff here. (I could probably make my own poppycock, but it’s kind of a hassle.) But I also know how cheap that maple syrup and dried cherries were. was? Oh, that’s a tough one.

The “Does anybody REALLY need that much (fill in the blank)?” question becomes even more pertinent/common when you’re shopping in Costco just for you. Was I attracted to the Sour Coca Cola gummies? Yes. Did I want a kilo of them, just for me? No.

I’ve never even made popcorn, so poppycock is far over my head! You know you could do it with your eyes closed, though. 😀

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About

Hannah. Writer, editor, firm believer in socks, gin, laughter, buttered toast, cheesecake, and semicolons. Currently back in Canberra after two years living in Canada; heart tingling to see what happens next.