Birthmark

A 13 year-old middle school student was suspended today when a teacher noticed that the boy had a “gun shaped” birthmark on his leg. The boy, whose name was not released at his parents’ request, wore shorts to school for the first time this year, and when the teacher, Charlene Brooks, saw the birthmark on his leg she immediately informed the school principal and superintendent.

“You cannot be too careful in this day and age. We don’t want to promote guns or gun violence in our schools. What if another kid in the class saw that? He might have gotten excited and wanted a gun birthmark, too.” Said Brooks, an English teacher at Milford Jr. High. “I don’t think it’s appropriate in our school.”

Recently throughout the country there has been an excessive amount of “gun paranoia” in schools, with children being suspended or even expelled for things as menial as biting a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun or even just pointing a finger at someone else and saying “boom,” which is what happened only a few short months ago in Ohion to 10 year-old Nathan Entingh.

“I cannot believe that this is happening to my son.” Said the parent of the suspended student. “This is way too far. He can’t control this. This is completely and utterly absurd. It was 94 degrees here yesterday. Is he supposed to wear pants every day until the end of the school year? Or maybe they want me to chop his leg clean off?”

According to school superintendent Donna Winter, that is exactly what the school expects.

“When [name deleted] returns to school in 4 days, we will still have just about a week left of school. We are expecting that he will continue to wear long pants throughout the school year, and indeed, for the remainder of his schooling here in the Milford School District. Of course, he is always allowed to take the extreme decision of removing his leg entirely. It’s possible that would be best not only for his return to school, but also for his future. We’re talking about guns, here.”

The parents have contacted a lawyer with the American Civil Liberties Union to argue that it is outside of the school’s rights to force only their son to wear long pants. “Either everyone has to wear pants, or my son doesn’t either. We can’t make everyone else have gun shaped birthmarks, so they can’t make him wear pants.”

The family is debating on homeschooling their son for the remainder of his education to avoid any further conflict. It is unclear, at this time, whether or not there will be any police involvement with the student for his “carrying a concealed birthmark.”