Profiling local bands

Finish this sentence: If I didn't have to worry about money, I'd build a recording studio in the Aspen valley and have several adjacent bungalows for visiting musicians.

Finish this sentence: I'd rather be getting up every day making music and art and really enjoying life to the fullest.

Who would play you in the screen adaptation of your life? Ithink Johnny Depp would play my part; as far as the other guys, I don't know.

Critical Fatwa

Where do you see yourself in five years? In five years, I feel we will still be making great and unusual music, but on a much higher level.

What's the biggest misconception about you or your band? I don't know of any misconceptions about our band other than if you listen to our stuff on the Web, you might think we are a little mellow. This is why we want to put some live tunes on our EP.

Give us a random factoid about yourself: We have a kegerator in our jam room to ensure our right state of mind.

Weezer or Winger? I'd have to speak for the band here and say we prefer Weezer over Winger; I like the blue and the green albums.

Jay-Z or Z-Trip? This is a hard question. I'm going to have to say Z-Trip over Jay-Z, just because we are a bunch of stoners and it has the word "trip" in it.

Football or foosball? None of us are into sports, and foosball is like miniature soccer, so I'm going to have to say pinball at Poison Girl or surfing porn.

Parting shot? We have a serious problem with people (and this includes our fans) who come to see shows and leave after the band they know plays; that's just rude. Everybody bitches about there not being a scene, but it's not just bands' and club owners' responsibility to create it. Support local music.

See them at: Last Concert Cafe, 1403 Nance, Friday, February 3.

CRITICAL FATWA

All hail "Are You Gonna Go My Way." That slice of '70s-meets-'90s mass-market rock was a nice break from the sour-faced caterwauling of the "alternative" years. But Lenny Kravitz has far outstayed his welcome, and now he has debased himself for Absolut vodka. For slapping on the assless chaps and walking the street, we pronounce a fatwa!

Now, we do not hold with those who yell "sellout" every time a musician dares to make a dollar. But Kravitz has debased himself by writing a song specifically for the middlebrow vodka company. The song, "Breathe," succeeds in capturing the soul of Absolut: It is music for people who don't like music, as Absolut is alcohol for people who don't like booze. The tepid, dance-beat-driven song can play while these people sip their "vodka-cran" or "cosmo" and talk of TheDa Vinci Code. It can play while they dry-hump on the dance floor. It can play while they have the type of intercourse that begins with the woman lighting a scented candle.

Fatwa, Lenny! Enjoy your new career as a jingle writer. It is quite a career trajectory. And at the end of your life, when you lie rotted by age and disease, as your final gasps of air drain from your lungs, may you hear the call of the afterlife, and may it be the opening beat of "Breathe," to play in your ears for eternity. It is written. -- The Ayatollah of Rock