What Advice Would You Give Your Ex’s New/Current Partner?

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Recently, Daily Mail headed to Washington Square Park here in NYC to ask people what advice they would give their exes’ new partners. As you might expect, replies ranged from funny to angry to bitter with a few well-wishes in between.

One young man in a set of shades clearly has a lot to say about his ex, who he made no secret of finding to be a lot of work. ‘Get ready for extreme high maintenance!’ he says. ‘Do not touch her hair, do not touch her make-up. Make sure everything is clean and perfect the way she likes it, or there will be some problems.’

‘He will cheat on you too!’ declared one green-haired woman.

Another young lady seems hesitant at first to dish on her ex’s flaws, saying that she doesn’t ‘want to be mean about him’, but is soon enough letting them fly. She goes on to echo the other interviewee’s sentiments, implying their her ex is high maintenance, saying that his new partner should be sure to make things ‘less about you and more about him’.

So, what about you? What advice would you give your ex’s — or exes’ — new partner(s)?

He’s super clingy and can’t stand to not touch you at all times. He expects traditional gender roles to still exist where you do ALL the cooking/cleaning/laundry. He’s extremely emotional and moody if things aren’t his way. Hes also very black and white. If you change your mind on something he will start a huge argument about your “inconsistencies”.

Don’t try to make yourself over into some sort of “ideal feminist male” to placate her constant politicizing of every interaction, because no matter what you do, you’re a still a guy, and therefore, responsible for all bad things in the world. You might as well own it. It’s more fun to be a bad person by her standard anyway.

Basically, walk out now, and don’t look back. Don’t let him try to charm you into returning or thinking he’s “better”. He’s always going to be a mean, worthless pot head who drinks to much and wets the bed/chair/couch after doing so because he’s too freaking lazy to walk to the bathroom. When he say’s he’s a terrible boy friend, believe him. He will cheat on you, or is using you to cheat on whoever else he’s with. He will use you financially, and any other way he can. He will tell you he loves you, but again, he’s lying. He only loves himself, and even that is hit or miss sometimes.

Run, don’t walk. Run. And for the love of all things holy, block him on every possible form of social media.

Do not take care of his schedule or life. Don’t swoop in to remind him to make that dentist appointment or whatever. I understand that when you care about someone, you want to help him out and make sure he’s doing ok. But step back. This is a guy who is sensitive to context. If you act as organizer, scheduler, and general handler of administrative stuff, then he will slack off and you will be doing everything. He will fall back into the routine of letting his parents handle things, except you are the parent. So step back and trust that he’ll handle it. He will.

First Ex) His dad is the only sane person in his family. Don’t ever turn your back on his older brother, that guy is dangerous

Second Ex) He was a terrible boyfriend, but he’s grown up a lot. Just, be prepared to listen to some conspiracy theories, and if you’re not cool with a *lot* of alone time, move on now. He is fantastic but he likes his space.

Third Ex) He is absolutely the best, kindest, most generous human in the world. And if he tells you something, he means it and you can trust him.

Last Ex) If it’s even a little easier for him to lie to you than tell you the truth, he will. He has no idea what he wants, and he will say anything he has to to avoid conflict.

He needs to face his insecurities but he won’t because “emotions and shit” isn’t manly. So he will expect you to be everything he needs to make him a whole and happy person, because he isn’t already. Get ready to clean up after him as he gets drunk every night, and he’ll expect you to make him dinner and simultaneously get hot and horny for the drunken slob. But now matter how hard you try you will never be good enough. Get ready to do everything he wants, whenever he wants, because it’s all about him. And don’t dare ask him to do something you want….because he’ll pout and say that if you loved him you would do what he wants….and if he does do what you want, he’ll make the entire thing miserable and you will regret it. And don’t forget to smile!

Well, aside from telling her “good luck he’s your problem now,” be ready for everything to be ALLLLLLLLLL about him. And your feelings and concerns definitely don’t matter anymore. Even if he says they do. He’s lying.

My ex picked fights, leading to explosive arguments (frequently ending with him threatening to leave and me begging him to stay), and then of course made up and promised never to do it again. I thought we fought because there was too much passion, rather than because we were deeply incompatible. He was 20 when we broke up, so maybe he grew out of it.

Know that his mother will always come first, and that you will be at the bottom of his list of priorities. He is and his mother are always right, and you better do exactly as they say and not have any opinions of your own. Be prepared to be a doormat. Keep finances separate, because he will spend it all. Ultimately, don’t waste your time. You can do better.

Nothing is EVER his fault. Lost jobs, poor relationships with his son and daughter, bankruptcy, criminal record…every single thing that goes wrong is the result of people being out to get him.

He will manufacture crisis situations to gain sympathy and further entrench your relationship. He will make you feel like you’re the only person in the world on his side and that, without you, he’ll drown.

He will destroy your confidence, isolate your from your family, drive you to question your own sanity, and steal from you. He will become violent.

It will happen by degrees and you might not notice it until you’re in up to your eyeballs.

I hope you see the signs I didn’t. I hope you protect yourself and get out sooner than I did. I hope you trust your gut and your inner voice and don’t get caught up in his crazy.

I wish all of his bad qualities were tattooed on his face, because he’s quite charming and fun at first and you won’t believe how fast he can dig in.