Measure for Measure

Act III, Scene 2

[Enter, on one side, DUKE VINCENTIO disguised as before; on the other,
ELBOW, and Officers with POMPEY]

ELBOW
Nay, if there be no remedy for it, but that you will needs buy and sell men
and women like beasts, we shall have all the world drink brown and white
bastard.

DUKE VINCENTIO
O heavens, What stuff is here.

POMPEY
‘Twas never merry world since of two usuries the merriest was put down,
and the worser allowed by order of law; a furred gown to keep him warm; and
furred with fox and lamb-skins too, to signify, that craft being richer
than innocency, stands for the facing.

ELBOW
Come your way sir: bless you good father friar.

DUKE VINCENTIO
And you good brother father; what offense hath this man made you, sir?

ELBOW
Marry sir, he hath offended the law; and sir, we take him to be a thief
too sir: for we have found upon him sir, a strange picklock, which we have
sent to the deputy.

POMPEY
I spy comfort, I cry bail: here's a gentleman, and a friend of mine.

[Enter LUCIO]

LUCIO
How now noble Pompey? What, at the wheels of Caesar? art thou led in
triumph? What is there none of Pygmalion's images newly made woman to be
had now, for putting the hand in the pocket, and extracting it clutched? What
reply? Ha? What sayst thou to this tune, matter, and method? Is it not
drowned in the last rain? Ha? What sayest thou Trot? Is the world as it
was man? Which is the way? Is it sad, and few words? Or how? The trick of
it?

DUKE VINCENTIO
Still thus, and thus: still worse?

LUCIO
How doth my dear morsel, thy mistress? Procures she still? ha?

POMPEY
Troth sir, she hath eaten up all her beef, and she is herself in the tub.

LUCIO
Why 'tis good: it is the right of it: it must be so. Ever your fresh whore,
and your powdered bawd, an unshunned consequence, it must be so. Art going
to prison Pompey?

LUCIO
Well, then imprison him: if imprisonment be the due of a bawd, why 'tis
his right. Bawd is he doubtless, and of antiquity too: bawd-born. Farewell
good Pompey: commend me to the prison Pompey, you will turn good husband
now Pompey, you will keep the house.

POMPEY
I hope sir, your good worship will be my bail?

LUCIO
No indeed will I not Pompey, it is not the wear: I will pray (Pompey) to
increase your bondage if you take it not patiently: why, your mettle is the
more: adieu trusty Pompey.
Bless you friar.

DUKE VINCENTIO
And you.

LUCIO
Does Bridget paint still, Pompey? ha?

ELBOW
Come your ways sir, come.

POMPEY
You will not bail me then sir?

LUCIO
Then Pompey, nor now: What news abroad friar? what news?

ELBOW
Come your ways sir, come.

LUCIO
Go to kennel (Pompey) go:
What news friar of the duke?

[Exeunt ELBOW, POMPEY and Officers]

DUKE VINCENTIO
I know none: can you tell me of any?

LUCIO
Some say he is with the Emperor of Russia: other some, he is in Rome: but
where is he think you?

DUKE VINCENTIO
I know not where: but wheresoever, I wish him well.

LUCIO
It was a mad fantastical trick of him to steal from the state, and usurp the
beggary he was never born to: Lord Angelo dukes it well in his absence: he
puts transgression to it.

DUKE VINCENTIO
He does well in it.

LUCIO
A little more lenity to lechery would do no harm in him: something too
crabbed that way, friar.

DUKE VINCENTIO
It is too general a vice, and severity must cure it.

LUCIO
Yes in good sooth, the vice is of a great kindred; it is well allied, but
it is impossible to extirp it quite, friar, till eating and drinking be put
down. They say this Angelo was not made by man and woman, after this
downright way of creation: is it true, think you?

DUKE VINCENTIO
How should he be made then?

LUCIO
Some report, a sea-maid spawned him. Some, that he was begot between two
stock-fishes. But it is certain, that when he makes water, his urine is
congealed ice, that I know to be true: and he is a motion generative, that's
infallible.

DUKE VINCENTIO
You are pleasant sir, and speak apace.

LUCIO
Why, what a ruthless thing is this in him, for the rebellion of a codpiece,
to take away the life of a man? Would the duke that is absent have done
this? Ere he would have hanged a man for the getting a hundred bastards, he
would have paid for the nursing a thousand. He had some feeling of the
sport, he knew the service, and that instructed him to mercy.

DUKE VINCENTIO
I never heard the absent duke much detected for women, he was not inclined
that way.

LUCIO
Oh sir, you are deceived.

DUKE VINCENTIO
‘Tis not possible.

LUCIO
Who, not the duke? yes, your beggar of fifty: and his use was to put a ducat
in her clack-dish; the duke had crotchets in him. He would be drunk too,
that let me inform you.

DUKE VINCENTIO
You do him wrong, surely.

LUCIO
Sir, I was an inward of his: A shy fellow was the duke, and I believe I know
the cause of his withdrawing.

DUKE VINCENTIO
What (I prithee) might be the cause?

LUCIO
No, pardon: 'tis a secret must be locked within the teeth and the lips: but
this I can let you understand, the greater file of the subject held the duke
to be wise.

DUKE VINCENTIO
Wise? why no question but he was.

LUCIO
A very superficial, ignorant, unweighing fellow.

DUKE VINCENTIO
Either this is the envy in you, folly, or mistaking: the very stream of his
life, and the business he hath helmed, must upon a warranted need, give him a
better proclamation. Let him be but testimonied in his own bringings-forth,
and he shall appear to the envious, a scholar, a statesman, and a soldier:
Therefore you speak unskilfully: or, if your knowledge be more, it is much
darkened in your malice.

DUKE VINCENTIO
I can hardly believe that, since you know not what you speak. But if ever
the duke return (as our prayers are he may) let me desire you to make your
answer before him: If it be honest you have spoke, you have courage to
maintain it; I am bound to call upon you, and I pray you your name?

LUCIO
Sir my name is Lucio, well known to the duke.

DUKE VINCENTIO
He shall know you better sir, if I may live to report you.

LUCIO
I fear you not.

DUKE VINCENTIO
O, you hope the duke will return no more: or you imagine me too unhurtful an
opposite: But indeed I can do you little harm: you'll forswear this again?

LUCIO
I'll be hanged first: thou art deceived in me friar. But no more of this:
Canst thou tell if Claudio die tomorrow, or no?

DUKE VINCENTIO
Why should he die sir?

LUCIO
Why? For filling a bottle with a tundish: I would the duke we talk of were
returned again: the ungenitured agent will unpeople the province with
continency. Sparrows must not build in his house-eaves, because they are
lecherous: The duke yet would have dark deeds darkly answered, he would
never bring them to light: would he were returned. Marry this Claudio is
condemned for untrussing. Farewell good friar, I prithee pray for me: The
duke (I say to thee again) would eat mutton on Fridays. He's not past it,
yet (and I say to thee) he would mouth with a beggar, though she smelt brown
bread and garlic: say that I said so: Farewell.

MISTRESS OVERDONE
Good my lord be good to me, your honor is accounted a merciful man: good my
lord.

ESCALUS
Double, and treble admonition, and still forfeit in the same kind? This would
make mercy swear and play the tyrant.

PROVOST
A bawd of eleven years' continuance, may it please your honor.

MISTRESS OVERDONE
My lord, this is one Lucio's information against me. Mistress Kate Keepdown
was with child by him in the duke's time, he promised her marriage: his
child is a year and a quarter old come Philip and Jacob: I have kept it
myself, and see how he goes about to abuse me.

ESCALUS
That fellow is a fellow of much licence: let him be called before us. Away
with her to prison: go to; no more words.
Provost, my brother Angelo will not be altered, Claudio must die tomorrow:
let him be furnished with divines, and have all charitable preparation. If
my brother wrought by my pity, it should not be so with him.

PROVOST
So please you, this friar hath been with him, and advised him for the
entertainment of death.

DUKE VINCENTIO
None, but that there is so great a fever on goodness, that the dissolution
of it must cure it. Novelty is only in request, and it is as dangerous to be
aged in any kind of course, as it is virtuous to be constant in any
undertaking. There is scarce truth enough alive to make societies secure,
but security enough to make fellowships accursed. Much upon this riddle runs
the wisdom of the world. This news is old enough, yet it is every day's
news. I pray you sir, of what disposition was the duke?

ESCALUS
Rather rejoicing to see another merry, than merry at any thing which
professed to make him rejoice. A gentleman of all temperance. But leave we
him to his events, with a prayer they may prove prosperous, and let me
desire to know how you find Claudio prepared? I am made to understand, that
you have lent him visitation.

DUKE VINCENTIO
He professes to have received no sinister measure from his judge, but most
willingly humbles himself to the determination of justice: yet had he framed
to himself (by the instruction of his frailty) many deceiving promises of
life, which I (by my good leisure) have discredited to him, and now is he
resolved to die.

ESCALUS
You have paid the heavens your function, and the prisoner the very debt of
your calling. I have labored for the poor gentleman, to the extremest shore
of my modesty, but my brother justice have I found so severe, that he hath
forced me to tell him, he is indeed Justice.

DUKE VINCENTIO
If his own life,
Answer the straitness of his proceeding,
It shall become him
well: wherein if he chance to fail he hath sentenced himself.