Obama: "So many assholes, so little time!"

President Obama addressed the nation last night shortly after hearing of Speaker John Boehner's announcement that he would not accept Obama's proposal for raising the country's debt limit.

Obama looked squarely into the camera as he started to speak. It was immediately obvious that this was not the mild mannered and judicious man the country had listened to for the past two years.

"So many assholes, so little time," Obama began. "These people are freaking idiots, these people are total numb skulls, and these people are two bricks short of a load!"

At this point everyone sitting in their living rooms or journalists sitting at their computers stared at the TV screen and wondered, "Am I hearing this?"

Obama continued, "OK, here is what is going to happen. First of all, I am issuing an executive order cutting all congressional pay, junkets to foreign lands, franking privileges, and female staff under the age of sixty-five. Hospitalization and government limousines are cancelled and it is pay as you go at the Senate cafeteria. There will be no more private toilets in congressional offices and the public restrooms will be off-limits. There is a Greyhound bus station close by and I'm sure most of these fatsos could use the exercise."

"Is that all," a reporter shouted out. "No, not really," replied the President. "It's no more Mr. Nice Guy here at The White House. Have any of these country club wuss's ever been to the south side of Chicago? They don't like Harvard Yard? Maybe, they'd like some hard time in a prison yard. You could take most of these folk's pants off in Public Square and they wouldn't know you did it. They want tough, they got tough!" Obama paused, "and I am sick to death of dealing with a Senate Minority Leader that looks like a chipmunk and a Speaker of the House that cries every time the bartender forgets s to put the second olive in his martini!"

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