I don't know if I've just realized this or I'm now willing to admit to people that I'm scared. I'm afraid of failing at projects or approaching an important subject but executing the production poorly and the results are painful, and I will have lost that important story or whatever and ruined it.

This is a lot of why I do a lot of talking about video and very little doing. I'm not very good at self-motivating when I'm not passionate about something. So making videos or photo projects to practice but the subjects are painfully uninteresting to me seems... disingenuous? Especially if I'm creating them for portfolio reasons.

I think a lot of the creative block I'm having is I'm having a hard time finding stories in my life. I do the same things, everyday, while waiting for this response about the internship (yes, the same dream opportunity, but that's an entirely different post) and it's killing my creativity.

I know I just have to dive in and find something to talk about. When inspiration strikes I need to run with it.

I photographed granola and one of the photos is up on my studio page but it was a lot of work compared to shooting in the studio with lights. I know that sounds really obvious, but waiting for somewhat good natural light in my house and then I recruiting my sister Sophie to be assistant and hold a crystal bowl and flashlight to make a cucoloris while I stood on a stool and chair over our wobbly table is much more frustrating than I thought it would be.

Having this vision of the way I would want to light the granola - the angle of light and intensity, etc. - was mostly out of my control besides the flashlight Sophie was holding.

Hi. This is Helen. Here, I will post thoughts, progress, behind-the-scenes...

On Instagram:

Stripper, author and teacher @antoniacrane is one of the organizers of the wild cat strike at Crazy Girls a couple of weekends ago. She handed out shirts and signs to fellow strikers and led chants throughout the night. Look out for her and my photos in @thelosangelenos’ drop. 📸 #photojournalism #photography #strike #protest #crazygirls #strippers