Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted on my blog. Time flies when you're having fun I guess.

Let's see if I can quickly go over the last couple months to catch everyone up.

For those that don't know I am expecting again. I'm 16 weeks along as of today. My due date is November 23rd, but my doc plans on inducing me a week early. For whatever reason this pregnancy has brought on quite the bout of morning sickness. I actually have to take meds this time to head off some of the nausea. It's been making me feel pretty miserable, but I know it will all be worth it in the end.

In the last couple of months the devil has really tried to attack. Not only has he been working his wiles with me he has been busy with friends of mine. I hate having to deal with him, but I hate watching my friends struggle even more.

While helping one friend I was reminded of what grace and truth meant. Pastor Mead actually had me explain to her what my take was on the whole grace and truth factor. I wasn't really sure how to explain it. I knew how I felt, but putting my feelings into words can sometimes prove challenging. I tend to use different experiences in my life to help explain things. So this is what I came up with.

My daughter is adopted from Haiti. She is beautiful and a true gift from God. I have not really been the mom to her that I should have been. I never had a problem telling her the truth. I would quite often point out what she was doing wrong. In fact, I did this way too often. All I ever gave her was truth. Because of my harsh tongue we don't have much of a relationship and she struggles daily with a very low self esteem.

A friend has a girl who often hears she has never done anything wrong. Her dad tells her she is perfect and seemingly only shows her grace. This little girl is not a whole lot of fun to be around. She doesn't seem happy. She's always looking for some type of approval, but when she gets it she's not content. This little girl is shown all grace without the truth. She has moments of being thoughtful, but usually is quite thoughtless and mean...especially to her father.

My son is the apple of my eye. We have a very good relationship. He is shown grace and truth all the time. I have no problem pointing out the truth to him even when it hurts. I also have no problem showing him grace. I love to show him grace and sometimes wish I didn't have to give him the truth. Because I spread the grace and truth out evenly with my son he has a very good attitude on life. He's very happy, lovable, content, and has quite good self esteem. Mind you he's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.

Even though I see what I have done with my children I still struggle with showing grace to my daughter. I guess it's a rut I have gotten myself into and definitely one I need to pull myself out of. I have noticed when I do try to show her grace she can't accept it. When she chooses not to accept it I often want to go back to the truth-only way.

This makes me think about me as a child of God. So many times in the last 16 years He has poured His grace on me and I have shoved it away. I was bound and determined that I didn't deserve anything good in my life. As Christians we are suppose to be Christ-like. So I need to follow Christ's example and continually pour grace on my daughter. It took me 16 years to see God's grace. I pray with all my heart it won't take my daughter that long to see and accept my grace.

I have heard many things the last couple of months that people have said about me. Things that have hurt me to the core. Untruths that I don't know how to fix. Proverbs 22:1a has always been a verse I've kept close to heart. A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches. I want to be known as a caring, empathetic, honest, and Christ-honoring Christian. Instead quite the opposite is being said of me. I asked my husband why people choose to believe these untruths. He thinks it's probably because it's much easier and more exciting for people to believe sinful rumors about someone than it is to go to the person and find out the truth. He's probably right. Knowing what some people choose to believe about me hurts so deeply. A few friends have told me not to take it personally, but I'm not really sure how to do that.

One of our pastors has been teaching a class on not living in fear. One of the points he made was to take every thought captive. Sounds easy enough. It really was until about 2 months ago. I now find it quite difficult to take my thoughts captive. My mind easily returns to the hurts and the thoughtless remarks. So I have found that when I saturate myself in God's word (truth) I'm able to then be comforted by the Holy Spirit (grace).

John 1:14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

Posted by
Hannah

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

1 comments:

Thank you Hannah for your honesty. I needed to hear that because I tend to show too much truth to Mary right now and not enough grace. I want my children to know that beautiful balance of grace and truth combined. I wonder if it may be easier to show truth to a daughter because we understand them better (just a thought).

About Me

My husband and I suffered the loss of our first child together. I'm hoping this blog will not only help me in dealing with this loss but will somehow encourage another who has suffered the same pain.

I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part.
God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart.