A/N: Here's another story that's been sitting around on my
hard drive for a while. Read and review people, it makes my world go round: )

Gritting his teeth, Teal'c focused on taking deep breaths.
The steady, even rhythm helped him stay focused on the task at hand, soothing
him. Determinedly placing one foot in front of the other, Teal'c pushed on, all
the while doing his best to ignore everything but the forward momentum needed
to get him home. He had no idea how long it had been since he'd set out on his
trek, but one thing was for certain: never had the journey back to the stargate
felt so long.

Summing up every last shred of his determination and
self-control, Teal'c pushed on. Ignoring the sounds of pursuit coming from
behind him, he listened instead for the telltale rustle of leaves or snapping
of a twig that would alert him of someone closing in from the front. Despite
his best efforts to block out the sounds coming from behind him, Teal'c couldn't
help but grimace as the voices of his pursuers drifted over him, carried on the
wind. It seemed the cosmic forces at play in the universe wouldn't let Teal'c
forget about the threat on his rear flank.

"For the hundredth, thousandth, however many times, the
answer is no! You are not coming with me
Vala! You caused more than enough trouble to last a lifetime the first and only
time we made the mistake of unleashing you on Washington," Daniel raved at the
woman traipsing along beside him.

"My lifetime or your lifetime, darling?" she questioned
hopefully. "Because if you mean your
lifetime, I'm due another trip since you technically died a few months ago,"
she reminded, a spark of mischief lighting her eyes.

"Again," Cameron added helpfully. "You died again, which brings the total up to nine. He owes you
eight more trips Vala… Ow!" he yelped suddenly, rubbing his arm.

"Women," Cameron sighed heavily, rolling his eyes. "Ow!" he
yelped again, this time rubbing a spot on his other arm.

"You deserved that one too," Vala assured winking before
turning around again to resume her favourite past time: pestering Daniel.

He was not being
overdramatic, Teal'c thought to himself vehemently. Jaffa didn't do overdramatic; he really and truly was facing a
threat – to his sanity. Over the years, he'd gotten used to the
eccentricities of the Tau'ri, as well as the original members of SG-1. Although
he didn't always understand what possessed them to behave like children, he'd
developed a number of strategies to cope with their… less than mature moments. His
initial tactics had included deep states of kel'no'reem, playing up his
ignorance of Earth culture or subtly encouraging that the team be divided, in
the hopes of sobering up whomever he was paired with. When Cameron had joined
the team, Teal'c had discovered that the younger man was likely to be kept from
regressing back to childhood if he was under physical strain and power walking
on missions had become an integral part of Teal'c's repertoire of coping
mechanisms. Unfortunately for Teal'c, that particular strategy had ceased
working as soon as Vala had joined the team. He'd quickly learned that Vala had
the uncanny ability to make those around her act their shoe size rather than
their age, and Teal'c had yet to find anything short of enemy fire that could
reverse the effect.

For the briefest of moments, Teal'c found himself wishing
for a band of Ori warriors to stumble across him and his teammates. Almost
before the thought had fully formed, he had banished it, mentally chastising
himself for thinking such things. He cared deeply for each one of his teammates,
eccentricities and all; he never wanted to see them in dangerous situations.

Still it couldn't hurt for him to pretend he'd heard something, could it?

"You know Vala, Daniel's going to an archaeological conference
in Mexico next month," Sam piped up suddenly, the innocent tone she'd adopted
catching Teal'c's attention and bringing him back to his teammates'
conversation. "I'm sure hot, sunny, beach covered Mexico is way more fun than boring, stuffy Washington."

Teal'c almost grinned to himself – he'd known that no
good could ever come from Sam using that "who me?" tone.

"Hot and sunny?" Vala exclaimed excitedly. "Darling, you've
been holding out on me! Think of all the fun we'll have on the beach! Of
course, I'll need your credit card to buy bikinis…"

"No! You can't come with me! Or borrow my credit card!" Daniel spluttered in
exasperation. Teal'c didn't need to turn around to know that the vein on the
side of his friend's neck was throbbing in time with his rising blood pressure.

Cameron chose that moment to begin a coughing fit, the words
"steal it" poorly masked by his coughs.

"Darn right me too," Sam smirked, satisfied that Vala had
latched on to the Mexico idea just as she'd thought the other woman would.

"What did I ever do to you?" Daniel asked in exasperation,
his best "but I'm everyone's favourite archaeologist" expression firmly in
place.

"McKay," Sam replied coldly, her voice hard and eyes
narrowed.

"I warned you she wasn't going to let it go," Cameron
gloated, earning him an icy glare from Daniel. "Well I did," he repeated when
Sam followed Daniel's lead and turned her narrowed eyes on him. When both of
them continued to glare, Cam gulped and said "Okay, shutting up now."

"I thought you'd appreciate the help," Daniel remarked
innocently.

Clearly, they
were back on the topic of Rodney McKay. Teal'c slowed his pace a little,
closing some of the distance between he and his teammates. He had absolutely no
idea what had happened the last time McKay had been on Earth, but Sam had been so
angry by the whole situation that she'd been reduced to terse, one syllable
words for days afterwards.

"It was my project
Daniel," Sam ground out through clenched teeth. "I didn't need his help briefing on the subject."

"But you know how valuable an outside opinion can be…"

"It was a conference call with the Joint Chiefs, the
National Security Council, and the President!" Sam exploded, throwing her arms
out in frustration. From the quiet grunt that Cameron let out, Teal'c guessed
that he'd been hit yet again by a flailing limb, presumably by accident this
time. "And you told him where to find
me!"

"In my defense, I thought it was just going to be you,
Landry and Jack on the call," Daniel said meekly, knowing he was in very deep
trouble with his friend.

"He waltzed in and called me 'sexy'!" Sam snarled,
continuing like she hadn't heard him. "When has he not greeted me with that word, Daniel? What would make
you think he'd change now?"

"Jack thought it was funny," Daniel sulked, wisely choosing
not to mention that he too had found the whole situation hilarious.

Cameron, who at the time had laughed so hard tears had
rolled down his cheeks, made the very smart decision to remain silent. He was
already going to have a rather impressive collection of bruises from this
mission and he was in no hurry to add another one to the mix.

"It is quite humourous, Colonel Carter," Teal'c intoned, a
slight smile playing on his lips. He could vividly picture the scene in his
head, as well as his friend's reaction. This certainly explained why Sam had
taken to walking around with two lemons instead of the usual one for the
duration of McKay's visit.

"I hate you all," Sam glowered in response, shooting each of
them the type of look she usually reserved for over-the-top bad guys, smarmy
politicians and Rodney McKay.

"I didn't even say anything!" Cameron cried, dismayed that
his strategy of keeping his mouth shut hadn't saved him from Sam's wrath.

"You're thinking things, I can tell," Sam retorted. Her tone
was so deathly serious that Cameron started to worry she could read minds.

"You're scary, you know that?" Cameron stated a few seconds
later, having dismissed the possibility that Sam had superpowers she'd managed
to keep hidden all these years. "How McKay of all people has the courage to
taunt you ceaselessly is one of the great mysteries of the universe."

"What am I?" Vala piped up hopefully.

"Incorrigible," Daniel and Cameron replied simultaneously.

"Muscles?" Vala called, looking for confirmation of the
other men's assessments.

"Indeed, Vala Mal Doran," Teal'c replied, turning to face
his teammates. "You are as incorrigible as the rest of the human members of
SG-1."

A chorus of "hey!"s followed the split second of silence the
people in question needed to process the implications of his statement.

"You know, a few words about my charming personality or
stunning appearance wouldn't have hurt," Vala informed them, quirking an
eyebrow and shooting pointed looks at each of her male teammates.

"What big eyes you have," Daniel retorted immediately.

Sam and Teal'c shared an amused look, both remembering her
first command. On that trip, they had come across Toonani's people and been
forced to converse with the "spirits" who took animal form. Sam had been rather
reluctant to speak to the animals and had taken to making Red Riding Hood
references to all the "spirits" she was forced to speak too.

"What big ears you have," Cameron jumped in, missing the
humour shared by the original members of SG-1 but injecting some humour of his
own into the conversation.

"What big teeth you have," Teal'c added, earning him
disbelieving looks from Daniel and Cameron, a glare from Vala and howls of
laughter from Sam.

Turning away, Teal'c set off for the stargate once more, his
teammates easily keeping up with his new, slower pace. Over the sounds of their
boots crunching on fallen leaves, Teal'c could clearly hear Daniel and Cameron
explaining the story of Little Red Riding Hood to Vala. Their explanation was
interspersed with suggestive remarks from Vala and fresh peals of laughter from
Sam. More than once, random banter and playful teasing waylaid the conversation.
Unlike earlier in the day, however, this display of immaturity amused Teal'c
rather than annoying him.

Warmed by the friendship and sense of easy camaraderie emanating
from the rest of his team, Teal'c turned to add his two cents to the
conversation once more, his words carefully selected to get Cameron all riled
up.

Maybe it wasn't just the human members of SG-1 who were
incorrigible after all, he thought to himself in amusement.

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