A memory from school

I had something that needed to go into school and as I was walking into reception, I could see my reflection in the glass door and staring back, I could see myself limping.

On the whole I do well at ignoring the fact that I have a limp, then like a bolt out of the blue it irritates me. For that split second, time stood still and I was that child struggling to walk in the school playground.

I came away feeling despondent that somehow I allowed myself to be weak. I was back there in school with all my thoughts of children staring, watching my every move, because they knew I walked with a limp and that made me different.

It’s unnerving that a certain situation reminds us of something that we’ve dealt with and for that split second we’re back in that same place, with the same feelings, the same thoughts and the same struggles as if we were that child again.

I also wonder at myself how I have managed to come through all that I have relatively unscathed, given my childhood. I don’t always feel so comfortable walking in and out of public places so walking into school was hard for me.

This time it felt easier, because students walking to and from the playground were preoccupied with each other and weren’t particularly paying much attention and that helped.

8 thoughts on “A memory from school”

Glad you feel better. I have many bad memories from school that I just forget about because the kids were kids and they can be mean.

With me it was either be afraid of her because she has diabetes or make fun of her because she has big breasts. I had one good friend in school that stood by me no matter what and she is still a friend today. I know how you feel.

So many things can bring back those memories but we are stronger now and can handle the ignorance of others.

I’m so glad you feel better now! Even as an adult, I get stared at but it’s so much easier to ignore than as a child and adolescent.

Even if I walk to a park with my children, people in general will stare. I get the impression they’re wondering why I’m taking kids to a park if I can hardly, but it leaves my head right away because I simply don’t care anymore.

There’s parts of growing up that makes having a disability easier and then there are times not much. My earliest memory was first grade. There were two boys that asked me to run and promised they wouldn’t Laugh. Being 6 yrs old, of course I trusted them and ran.

They burst out in laughter and started demonstrating how I looked at trying to run. I never tried to run again after that. I was fortunate enough to go to a real small school, so as time went by, my classmates became a little more protective over me when it came to bullying.

Thanks Bonnie. Yes, children can be absolutely cruel, but personally I cannot truly remember whether children in school were cruel around my physical difficulties or not, but I do remember walking in town with three friends and like you I was being stared at.

I love the fact that as you got older, you eventually found friends who became protective over you. That’s the way it should be; but as your case has shown, our lives in school don’t always start out like that.