(fill in) Clean part of the fridge.Been doing this all week, a shelf or bin at a time, and where they’re stored. So far, I’ve cleaned the egg bin, the milk bin, and 2 shelves. . . . Decided I should give myself credit for the work!

Make appt for the septic clean out in the spring. Fri. 9:30 a.m.

Vacuum under the bed. Fri.4:15 Actually did the hall and around the bed. Vac. under the bed is an hour-long job requiring moving the bottom mattress, which I am not able to do now with my elbow issue!

Research grout question. We put “self-sealing” grout on the hearth. Is it good forever or do we need to seal it again next year? 11:30 a.m. Answer from online research unclear. Need to ask someone in a tile store.

Okay, this is a restart of my 6-5 list idea. This is the six things on Mon and 5 each Tues – Fri, and catch up on the weekends notion.

Also I will redo the larger, long-term “to do” list sometime this week.

This will make THREE chore lists! The backlogged 6-5 lists, the current 6-5 lists, and the long-term list. Either I’ll just get overwhelmed and quit, again, or I’ll get it done.

What’s really likely is that I’ll get some of it done, for a while, then get overwhelmed and quit. That’s my pattern problem. Somehow, being organized about getting things done eventually leans on the PTSD and I panic and stop. Since many folk seem to get overwhelmed I guess I don’t feel so bad about not being able to stick to it.

This blog has been a many-year long set of experiments to get me to be able to set a goal then get to it, ‘eh? A tidy house doesn’t seem to make most people panic like it does me, it makes them feel good. It makes me feel good too, but if I do it too consistently? I panic.

The problem has always been the panic. It took me until I was in my mid-50s to be well enough otherwise (not hurting/running scared) to be able to see that what happens to me in a tidy house is panic, and that because of that, it is instantly overwhelming. Telling me “ignore it,” [I can’t tell you how many people have said that to me!] is really useless. Telling myself that is equally useless.

The only real answer has been to find ways to turn tidying into habit, so that I don’t think about it, I just do it. Fine. Except that the process of doing that causes me to panic too — and the rat wheel goes around — again.

So. Here I am, again. With another shot at it, again.

Monday’s 6:

File something. 5:11 p.m.

Clean the front of the kitchen cabinet that hasn’t been cleaned the longest (I put stickies in the drawers/cabinets that tell me when I cleaned them last.) 6:30 p.m.