Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Almost

Zachary is improved. Improved enough that we can say, now - our hearts in our mouths - he almost died. He almost died.

We can only say that, now, because there is every reason to remain hopeful that that 'almost' will remain past tense. Expectantly hopeful. Positively hopeful.

But still: my heart is so tired.

I have been in hospital with Zachary - alongside my sister, who has been sleeping in a chair at his side for a week now - around the clock, cut off from the rest of the world. Soon it will be time to return. For the moment, my access to technology is limited. And that's fine - my attention, my energies, my everything is needed here.

But still. I am so tired. I wish that I were not so tired, so that I could use my words, find solace in using my words, telling this story.

Soon.

Update: we're still at hospital. Zachary has sustained such extensive nerve damage that they don't know if he'll be able to walk again. He's trying so, so hard. It's both heart-bursting and heart-breaking.Me, I'm living in the dark ages - there's no wireless here and my smartphone isn't working properly and so I only have computer access when I stand in line for the one dial-up system on the ward. I'm limited to text and sporadic access to some machine that was built in 1983. But know that I am - and Zachary is, and my sister is - receiving all your warm wishes and hopes and prayers.

92 Comments:

Our hearts go out to you and your family. I hope that all the good thoughts and prayers emanating from your friends here have helped to buoy your spirits and Zachary's little body, helping you both through this terrible time.

I'm so glad Zachary is getting better. I'm so sorry you are so exhausted mentally and physically. Thanks for keeping us posted ... as you know know many of us were very worried and thinking of you. I hope the baby and you sleep on the flight home!

i'm so glad to hear things are starting to turn around.my little brother almost died under similar circumstances when he was four. (he's just ten now) so i know what you mean about the heart in the throat thing, and the "almost" being so precious and important. i still remember what he looked like in the hospital bed, with his body bearing little resembelance to his actual self.when my daughter was born she was taken to the city hospital while i stayed in the local hospital in hysterics. my hub went with her and i was there all alone. my doctor came and patted my leg and said "soon, your family will be together again and this will all be a distant memory." i was so mad at him for saying that at the time, but i realize now he was right. the thing with my little brother is a distant (yet still tear invoking) memory. kids are thankfully so resiliant.

i hope your family will be together again soon, so this can start being a memory.HUGS!

I am so glad to hear the good news that he is getting better. Your sister is lucky to have you there and I'm sure it makes all the difference in the world to have that kind of support at a time like this. Take care of yourself, will continue to send good thoughts your way!

I'm so glad you went there to be with everyone (and for yourself!!)...Zachary sure is loved and I'm sure he has felt it all along the way - even through his sufferings...may your family all rest up and God-speed on Zachary's full recovery!!

Gosh, Catherine. I've been away for a bit and am just catching up now. I cannot imagine how exhausted and wrung out you must feel right now... I'm heartened to read that Zachary is improving -- how hopeful and encouraging for all of you! Hope he recovers readily and will soon be home with his family.

Oh, Catherine! I'm so glad he has improved! I have been thinking and praying for you all.

That's great that you were able to get out there to be with your family, especially your sister. I'm sure you are taking care of her, cause I doubt she is taking care of herself. I know I'd be a complete wreck and need my sister for support.

I hope somebody can send your sister for a massage once Zachary is home from the hospital. The combination of prolonged extreme stress plus sleeping in a chair can NOT be good for the body. Still keeping my fingers and toes crossed for your nephew.

Someday soon, this will be a great story for him - the one time he almost died. People will high-five him and buy him beer.And I hope that by the time that day comes, your heart - and your sister's - will feel back to normal, will no longer have that ache of terror. I hope so.

There are no words to express the relief at reading this post. I can only imagine that your feelings on it are thousands fold compared to your readers. I have thought of Zachary often in the last few days and kept hoping for this post to come.

I have been there...done that with the meningitis. I had it myself when I was in my 20's....as a matter a fact I was admitted into the hospital with it on my 30th birthday! I went to that "almost " point too, but thank goodness pulled through. I may not know how you as a family member are feeling, but I do know exactly how Zachary is feeling. I'm glad he is doing better. Tell him to take it easy and don't rush getting back out and about.

I will pray that he gets his legs back beneath him to carry him anywhere he wants to go. I'm so sorry that this happened and I wish I could make it all better for you and your family. Please let him walk again and be well again, Lord??

omg, i am so sorry for all the trouble ya'll are having. i will continue to pray so hard for you all. i am a pediatric nurse and see stuff like this frequently and it's always heartbreaking. it sounds though, like he's on the mend (fingers crossed), and i wish you all the luck and health in the world.

I'm still thinking of, and praying for, all of you HBM... my fingers are also crossed... so sorry for what you are having to deal with right now, and wishing I could do something to help, and make it better...