The giant woman hovering behind Telly looks like she’s struggling to focus on the event on hand, but instead is still attempting to identify what that red stuff was in the salad she had for lunch (”Red pepper? Some kind of pickled cabbage? Beets?”)

I would like to formally challenge the Rifftrax staff to create their own version of this video… Song choice is up to them, but I would recommend they stay within the confines of 70’s Light Rock, simply for consistency.

I understand that you have a busy schedule, but present circumstances force me to petition you for a small favor, one that, only because you happen to be in the immediate vicinity, warrants your singular attention. It seems that one of your associates has gone, shall we say, bugfuck mad, and needs to be “delt with” in all haste. I will purchase your services per the terms outlined in your posted ad in the June 2002 issue of Soldier of Fortune magazine, minus the llama, for the eradication of one William Corbet, for crimes beyond Internet Irony. I await the parcel of ears and vocal chords for Proof Of Performance, at the designated drop point. The chocolate pudding is already on the stove….

Well, Bill loves us enough to make sure that Lady Gaga isn’t the first thing we saw here, so… I mean, even though the replacement is Kojak speaking a Bread song it’s still an improvement so… um, Bill, you do love us, right?

My favorite Telly Savalas role ever was his part in the “Talking Tina” episode of The Twilight Zone. And, of course, since Lady GaGa resembles no one so much as the very creepy Talking Tina doll, we’ve come full-circle.

I didn’t know Kevin had a mercenary brother named Keven, that’s some pretty unoriginal baby naming on their parents part. “How about we name the other one ‘Kevin’ with an ‘e’ instead of an ‘i’?” “You’re so smart, that’s why I married you, darling” *Smooch* *kiss*

Oh 1970’s, can you please borrow us some of your charm? The crap people make today is just as awful (has anyone seen how absolutely idiotic the show starting group performances on American Idol are? MUCH worse than this.) yet it completely lacks the charm that oozed from everything old like this that makes it so cheesy and fun.