Saturday, February 21, 2009

So I promise I'm still alive...doing well...well not so much, but I'm here. It's been a tough few days, but hopefully I've had enough cry sessions that I might be pulling out of it. I think it might not have been so bad, but I got this nasty cold during all of it and that always throws things for a loop. Anyway, I suppose this is part of the whole cycle. It's about learning to balance the good days with the slow days and hopefully coming out on top.

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P.S. So I should at least update you on the car situation. So the tow truck makes his way through the snow to come get Ryan's car. Neither Ryan nor I are mechanically minded in ANYWAY (okay, Ryan is getting better, but we're not car people...I mean Ryan doesn't even have a dream car) so we didn't know what to try to possibly make things work, but the tow truck guy was willing to give it a whirl. After trying a few things, low and behold...the car started. I think I might have given him a hug if he wasn't all greasy and what not (not due to a lack of hygiene of course, but due to his job). Needless to say we felt SO blessed. Then...

...the next day Ryan tried to start the car and it started, but he now he couldn't get the car into reverse. He tried to do the trick the tow truck guy suggested (apparently, the reason the car wouldn't start in the first place had to do with the car not being in gear right or something like that), but still to no avail. I admit my positive attitude from the day before was waining. At least I didn't need the car this time so I sent Ryan on his way with my car and made another call to AAA and AAMCO (a repair shop that really has been good to us). Luckily this time after only about $250 we were on our way (sad when a $250 car repair seems good!).

But we were blessed. When fixing this problem they noticed another problem. One of the tubes in Ryan's car was COMPLETELY hard when normally it is soft and malleable. Because it was so hard it had formed a crack which was leaking just a bit. If it had broken through Ryan's car would have been TOTALLY immobile. For most people that isn't the end of the world, just get a tow truck like we had the previous days, but if Ryan had been out in Utah's West Desert, where he is 2 days a week, there would be NO way a tow truck could get through to him. So after a TON of frustration and tears on my part, we were still VERY blessed to have things happen the way they did. If only I can remember that juts a bit earlier on next time!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

As I called the tow truck today part of me wanted to scream, another part wanted to cry. We just (as in last month) took Ryan's car in to have the transmission replaced and $2400 later we had a working car. But as I stopped and looked at the situation I realized we are TREMENDOUSLY blessed and this really is just a minor bump in the road, even if it ends up being expensive.

I am thankful for...

*My husband

*My children

*My family (extended, in-laws, etc.)

*My religion (and ALL that comes with it...and that's a LOT)

*My home

*Ryan's Job...especially during this time that so many people do not have a job, good paying or otherwise.

*My friends

*Modern medicine that makes my life with depression possible

*Good books that fill my life with sweet escapes

*The Internet which keeps me connected to people all over the world

*Lightly falling snow which creates a truly unique silence over this cluttered world

*Sunshine which uplifts the soul

*Music Makers which brings happiness and joy to my children and therefore me

*Craft Group which keeps me sane

*Silly TV shows that help me unwind after a crazy day

*Words of encouragement and love that could only come from my husband

....and SO many more things

So although my natural inclination is to freak out, I know the Lord will bless us. We've done all that we can and from there it is in the Lord's hands...for good or for bad. And in the prophetic words of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come what may, and love it!"

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Bradley, Braeden, and I were eating lunch today and I realized how blessed I was when Bradley said, "Hey, I want some peas, carrots, and corn like you have!" And this is after already eating some cucumbers. I've really been blessed to have good eaters.

And little Braeden has been all about saying, "You're welcome!" Sometimes he says it when he should say "please," or when he should say "thank you" and when he says it in the right context it is almost always before someone says "thank you" to him. I just love it.

Last night I was studying my scriptures and in the study guide I came across the following passage:

"The Lord has made no secret of the fact that He intends to try the faith and the patience of His Saints. (See Mosiah 23:21.) We mortals are so quick to forget the Lord: “And thus we see that except the Lord doth chasten his people with many afflictions … they will not remember him.” (Hel. 12:3.)

However, the Lord knows our bearing capacity, both as to coping and to comprehending, and He will not give us more to bear than we can manage at the moment, though to us it may seem otherwise. (See D&C 50:40; D&C 78:18.) Just as no temptations will come to us from which we cannot escape or which we cannot bear, we will not be given more trials than we can sustain. (See 1 Cor. 10:13.)

Therefore, given the aforementioned grand and overarching reasons to rejoice, can we not “be of good cheer” in spite of stress and circumstance?

President Brigham Young said of a geographical destination, “This is the place.” Of God’s plan of salvation, with its developmental destination, it can be said, “This is the process”!

President Young, who knew something about trial and tribulation but also of man’s high destiny, said that the Lord lets us pass through these experiences that we might become true friends of God. By developing our individual capacities, wisely exercising our agency, and trusting God—including when we feel forsaken and alone—then we can, said President Young, learn to be “righteous in the dark.” (Secretary’s Journal, 28 Jan. 1857.) The gospel glow we see radiating from some—amid dark difficulties—comes from illuminated individuals who are “of good cheer”!

To be cheerful when others are in despair, to keep the faith when others falter, to be true even when we feel forsaken—all of these are deeply desired outcomes during the deliberate, divine tutorials which God gives to us—because He loves us. (See Mosiah 3:19.) These learning experiences must not be misread as divine indifference. Instead, such tutorials are a part of the divine unfolding."(Neal A. Maxwell, “‘Be of Good Cheer’,” Ensign, Nov 1982, 66)

What a truly beautiful message. I think it can be easy to become trapped in the idea that our trials are punishments or we might want to blame God. But how can you blame the Lord for trying to help you grow? It is like a mother hen. She cannot remove the shell for her young chick, even though she sees it struggling. To become strong enough to live the hen must allow her sweet baby to push and fight its way out all on its own.

I also feel so blessed because I was just my daily reading. I was reading through the scriptures chronologically and I was still blessed to find this passage in the study guide even though I wasn't looking for it. We are truly blessed.

Touched By Hope

As depression englufed the last two years of my life I am constantly amazed at the moments of peace and light that have been placed in my way. I have found the light of true faith. Not just a belief in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, but faith that is changing my very way of being. Faith that is pulling me out of the darkest place I have ever been into the light and peace that can only come from the love and truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This is my journey.

About Me

I'm madly in love with the man of my dreams...my husband Ryan. I have two darling and VERY active little boys, Bradley & Braeden. I gratefully spend my days at home with them.
I am a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and truly attribute any level of happiness to the teachings learned from my membership.
I am fighting and uphill war with major depression, but I feel that as I learn more about true faith I am winning more battles.