WWE Smackdown Live “Cowboy” Round-Up: July 30th, 2019

Hilarious start with Shane apologizing for not being at Smackdown. “I know this will disappoint a lot of people.” Who says WWE isn’t self-aware?

Would love to know the numbers on a pro wrestler saying that he will definitely NOT be on the show tonight, yet of course show up.

Trust me, I love that Kevin Owens is finally a babyface where he belongs, but it’s also quite humorous that the weaselly untrustworthy heel for the past 4 years suddenly cares about the talent backstage.

Drew McIntyre comes out to challenge Owens. “Oh you like that? Okay and—” Cheapshot. Love it. McIntyre is all aboard the Shane Express for stars getting over in this legendary heel run.

I love how there’s a backdrop from the 2nd turnbuckle. Commentator: “This HAS TO BE it”, even though no WWE match has ended outside of a finisher or a roll-up since 1993.

Stunner on the table. Doesn’t break. With both Owens and McIntyre’s weight on it? What is that table made of, adamantium?

Owens wins clean as clean can be. Sucks for McIntyre, but more definitive wins can only help WWE. That was a great match.

Bayley threatens Ember Moon with “retard strength” and then Ember gives her a weirdly sexual look as she exits.

Not sure what to make of these Aleister Black vignettes.

I’m an Ember Moon mark. She doesn’t really have a character though. Right now good ol’ “Cowboy” Bob has her on the CB Scale at 8 for Look, 4 for Promo, 7 in ring. A 19. Not quite ready yet for the championship.

Bayley’s gigantic ass is the elephant in the room for every match. She’s so wholesome and good, yet we have to pretend that gigantic butt is not there. I wonder if they ever have the guts to have a heel mention it on the mic.

And the problem with this match, and both women’s Summerslam matches, is evident instantly. Bayley vs Ember is the title match. Meanwhile Alexa and Nikki Cross are better and more entertaining performers than both.

Why the fuck didn’t WWE pull the trigger on a Summerslam program with Alexa as champ kicking Nikki to the curb as soon as she won the belt, and unleashing super-crazy-bitch Nikki on the world?

Alexa’s “aww are you CRYING?” hand-motion towards babyfaces will never, ever get old.

Bayley with the surprise Bayley-to-Belly on Ember for revenge. I wish it would lead to a heel turn with blow-up skulls and black entrance gear, but it will just still be Make-a-Wish Bayley.

Sami Zayn decides to pick out the next guy he wants to job clean to. He has chosen Aleister Black.

Roman Reigns has his Summerslam challenge tonight. Let’s all gather, my faithful blog readers, and pray that it is not Samoa Joe.

“Hey Trish, remember when I drooled all over your gigantic breasts for nearly a decade and screamed puppies until I had a heart attack?” — potential upcoming Jerry Lawler question

I’m glad they finally allow Jerry to wear a shirt for these segments.

Trish Stratus looking amazing at 63 or whatever she is.

As Trish humbly declines one more match, The Queen arrives with her wonderfully obnoxious ring gear. Thankfully, a reason now to watch Summerslam.

“You don’t think you can hang with the Queen. So get out of MY ring, go into your minivan and go change diapers.” Glorious.

Love Trish, but she needed a lot more fire behind that “bitch”.

Now next week lets have Charlotte put Lita through a table and we are good to go.

AJ is great, but I think the United States championship is slightly more prestigious than World’s Greatest Grandpa.

I thought Rambling Rabbit was dead.

The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler announced for Summerslam. Wow. Amazing. I cannot wait for this very interesting match-up. I cannot contain my excitement.

At least Finn looks happy smiling in his little undies and leather jacket. Again, a fashion choice that doesn’t work in most locations outside of pro wrestling.

Lights go out mid-match just as Finn is about to do his extra-small undies flip over the ropes. This is smart, because you need to establish to the audience that something crazy can happen in every match.

Off the distraction, Dolph Ziggler wins his first match since Eddie Murphy was at the top of the box office with Nutty Professor II: The Klumps.

Kofi Kingston on AJ Styles saying he built Smackdown: “He can say it as many times as he wants to, but it doesn’t make it true.” Yeah, like saying you’re a legitimate champion every fucking week, Kofi.

Man this last match is running late. Are we going to get Roman’s announcement? PLEASE DON’T SAY SAMOA JOE.

Kofi beats AJ. I hope you’re happy, internet. You did this.

Oh no here comes Roman. PLEASE DON’T SAY SAMOA JOE.

ANYBODY BUT JOE.

DOINK THE CLOWN.

MOJO RAWLEY.

Somebody dropped a thing on Roman as the interviewer badly acts.

PLEASE LET ANYBODY HAVE TRIED TO KILL ROMAN BUT SAMOA JOE.

Roman is okay. NOW SAY ANYBODY BUT SAMOA JOE.

Okay, “Cowboy” Bob is a sucker for wrestling “mystery” angles, but usually they end up along the lines of Rikishi’s “I DIDDIT – FAW DA RUCK.”

JUST AS LONG AS IT’S ANYBODY BUT FUCKING SAMOA JOE

Holy shit, Shane McMahon really didn’t show up tonight! Put it in the books!

But who tried to murder Roman? A reason to tune in next week? What a novel idea!

Published by "Cowboy" Bob

"Cowboy" Bob, a 35 year old pro wrestling fan, aviator and film director, was born on December 24, 1905, in Hackensack, New Jersey. He inherited his family's successful oil tool business and began investing in films. He produced several films, including the hit "Hell's Angels".
Email: realcowboybob@gmail.com
View all posts by "Cowboy" Bob

Loved this Smackdown, very self-aware especially with Charolette’s (All hail the queen) line about the additude era women’s division, even though I’d honestly love to see a female adopt a revival-esque gimmick of “I wanna bring back old women’s wrestling”, Even Bayleys big ass can’t save her from being my least favorite champion currently, Though I hope Ember loses so that someone more equipped and in need of a title reign can hold it (As the biggest mark for Mandy Rose I’d say her)

Nikki Bella comes back, and she wants to bring sexyness back to the Women’s Division. Pins Charlotte. Throws the Women’s title in the trash. Brings back the Diva’s title. The women are suddenly fighting Nikki Bella, and for the honor of women competing everywhere. Writes itself.

See I’m not the only one! I think Nikki was the best at the time, No better way to get heel heat then have her claim that “There is no women’s division! Just divas with an ego” hell for comedy maybe have her set a 5 minute time limit on a few matches to mimic the booked shortness of old women’s matches

Another great article by the cowboy! Sad to see Charolette not in a Championship fued, though I guess trish can still hold up a decent match, Ember vs Bayley is still gonna be a better match than Becky vs Natalya though, so there’s that going for Smackdown fueds

Ive kinda set myself a goal of being your most active follower! Considering that I enjoy your content more than anything, I also feel really bad about people calling you such horrible things, and apparently sending death threats

Interesting choices! I’d replace Bayley with Evans just because I prefer her though I understand why you picked her, I think War Raiders to replace Heavy Machinery since a heel team is good! Read the Bo Dallas blog and if the B-Team adopted that gimmick together I’d love it! Honestly I’d knock either Rollins or Bryan out of main and into mid, Move McIntyre up to Main Event, Carmella was a very interesting choice, mind explaining?

I am a gigantic Carmella fan. I actually think, outside of Charlotte and Ronda Rousey, that Carmella had the most entertaining title reign of any woman in 3 years. “I BEAT CHARLOTTE FLAIR AND ASUKA!!!” Too good.

Also, what I love about Carmella is – she’s a survivor. The woman knows how to stay relevant. She looks at people who are seemingly afterthoughts in R-Truth and James Ellsworth, realizes they are entertaining, and utilizes them to her advantage. She’s phenomenal on the mic and has improved by leaps and bounds in the ring. CB scale: Look = 9, Promo = 9, In-ring 6. CB score of 24. (23 can be a champion)

Yeah I definitely agree! Just always need a good reason!, Lacey is one of my favorites, her “Putting Seth’s name on her ass” thing at Extreme Rules was too hilarious and seeing people freak out a bit (from what I saw) was equally hilarious, Though it may just be my preference, happy to see so many blondes make the female roster!