Snowden Offers to Fix Healthcare.gov

MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—The N.S.A. leaker Edward Snowden today reached out to the United States government, offering to fix its troubled healthcare.gov Web site in exchange for immunity from prosecution.

Speaking from an undisclosed location in Russia, Mr. Snowden said he hacked the Web site over the weekend and thinks he is “pretty sure what the problem is.”

“Look, this thing was built terribly,” he said. “It’s a government Web site, O.K.?”

Mr. Snowden said that if an immunity deal can be worked out, “I can get to work on this thing right away—I don’t need a password.”

In addition to full immunity, Mr. Snowden said he is requesting that he be allowed to work from home.

At the White House, President Obama offered a muted response to Mr. Snowden’s proposal: “Edward Snowden is a traitor who has compromised our national security. Having said that, if he knows why we keep getting those error messages, that could be a conversation.”