Martin Shkreli Went To Congress And Was Really F*cking Annoying

Martin Shkreli was invited to testify in Congress on Thursday morning about drug pricing — something he would know about since he’s the assh*le who increased the price of a life-saving drug by 5,500 percent.

Shkreli, who was arrested for securities fraud in December, showed up in Congress allegedly to discuss the drug market, but instead he continued his ways by discussing… nothing, effectively wasting our government’s time.

Shkreli’s time in Congress began with Rep. Jason Chaffetz asking if he had an opening statement. Shkreli said,

On the advice of counsel I will not be giving an opening statement.

Chaffetz started asking questions, beginningwith what Shkreli would say to a low-income pregnant woman who needs the drug he jacked the price up on.

Shkreli answered, in what would become his refrain in Congress,

On the advice of counsel I invoke my fifth amendment privilege against self-incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question.

When Chaffetz was done, Rep. Trey Gowdy was up next to ask questions. He started strong, asking for the proper pronunciation of Shkreli’s name, and Shkreli answered,

Yes sir.

Gowdy said,

See there, you can answer some questions.

Gowdy asked if Shkreli understood he can answer more questions without being incriminated. Shkreli’s legal counsel leaned forward and whispered to him. After listening, Shkreli answered Gowdy,

I intend to follow the advice of my counsel, not yours.

Gowdy tried again,

This is a great opportunity if you want to educate the members of Congress about drug pricing or what you call the fictitious case against you, or we can even talk about the purchase of a — is it Wu-Tang Clan? Is that the name of the album, the name of the group?

And Shkreli answered,

On the advice of counsel I invoke my fifth amendment privilege against self-incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question.

Gowdy gave up and passed the time over to Rep. Elijah Cummings. Recognizing Shkreli wasn’t answering questions, Cummings gave a little speech to him, trying to tell him to use his platform for good, saying,

The way I see it, you can go down in history as the poster boy for greedy drug executives, or you can change the system. Yeah, you.

Shkreli laughed. Cummings asked if he was listening, and Shkreli gave another actual answer,

Yes.

Shkreli continued to laugh and scoff at Cummings.

Finally, Chaffetz took over again, asking,

Mr. Shkreli, its your intention to decline all answers to the questions and invoke your fifth amendment right?

Shkreli said yes.

And Chaffetz asked that he be excused from Congress, having Shkreli escorted out.

Somehow, Shkreli managed to make a congressional hearing even more useless than usual.