Family values … The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge with their children Princess Charlotte and Prince George.
Photograph: Aaron Chown/AFP/Getty Images

I love a royal expert. I don’t know how you get that job but it does require a mastery of the bleedin’ obvious. A high point of my peculiar career was when I was interviewed by Japanese TV as “the court correspondent of the Independent” when Diana died. At several points I did try to explain that this was not my entire role, but then graciously, as royal experts do, I just accepted it.

She has been talking about her guilt about leaving the kids, and hypnotherapy during birth, and all things that busy mums with an entourage of staff and a job that is mainly shaking hands identify with.

Now that Meghan has been banished, it is up to Kate to represent the future of modern womanhood within the cage that is the royal family. What a terrible fate.

She has chosen to focus on the under-fives and is concerned about early-years development. She seems to genuinely love kids and happy childhoods for all!

Small children. It’s hard to think of a less controversial cause. Away, Meghan and Harry, with your outré woke chat about racism and rape.

Kate, coiffed and styled seven hours after giving birth, never puts a foot wrong. Still, one royal expert said there was a time when “it felt like she wasn’t doing a lot”. I suppose she now has to atone for the sins of Diana and Meghan and will be policed for ever by the failing tabloids. Now she is on a pedestal, which means she can fall only one way – down. Says this royal expert.