Those of you who follow my “life” blog know that we had to put our sweet dog down yesterday. She was full of cancer and it was in her best interest to relieve her of suffering.

Sadie was, for all intents and purposes, my baby. I’m unable to have children of my own (and I love my step-daughters incredibly much) and Sadie and my kitties are my stand ins for that mothering instinct. We had gotten Sadie nearly six years ago – adopted as an older dog that no one wanted due to her size. She was the Best. Dog. Ever. She had the sweetest temperment, adored our small grandchildren, was loving and faithful, nursed me through illness and surgery, and protected me from harm. She never barked or growled (except at the UPS man) and I know we’ll never find another dog like her. We plan on adopting another dog, but not until we return from a two week vacation in May/June.

Yesterday was hard on me. We knew in the morning that we couldn’t get her in until the evening, and I was working from home. I had to keep looking into those gorgeous brown eyes knowing that when we took her for a ride later, she wouldn’t be coming home with us. To make things more traumatic, my husband elected NOT to have Sadie creamated and disposed of by our vet, but bring her home and burry her – not an easy feat since she was over 100 pounds. That meant that I had to help him get her out of the car, deliver her to the back yard, and put her in her grave. I did not handle it well. I was ok until her sweet brown paws and velvety ear peeked out from the blanket they had her wrapped in and I lost it all over again.

And my brain went immediately during the day to stress eating. I recognized it, and curbed it, but I’m amazed that even after all this time, and all the behavioral changes I’ve made over the past three months, that I immediately thought, “Chocolate is all that will get me through this horrible day.” I am proud of myself for recognizing it though – and when I did snack, it was fruit or sugar free pudding.

In other news, I had my 15 month follow up yesterday. I’m still solidly at 189 (yay!) and was down about 5 pounds from my 1 year appointment. They are thrilled with the strides I’ve made on emotional eating and with my exercise routine. My body fat percentage is now 40% instead of 41.5% – so I’m going in the right direction. I’m hoping to be down another 5 pounds by my 18 month follow up in May. And, they are going to re-do my labs now instead of at 18 months because I’ve had a huge issue with constipation and leg cramps, so I think they are going to have to tweak my supplements. I’m thinking I need LESS iron and MORE potassium. Otherwise a good report!

So, as of today, I’m 13 months out. I haven’t lost much this past month pounds-wise, BUT I can tell that the upgraded workout routine has really kicked in because my body shape is changing. I’m gaining muscle and things are taking shape.

I’m not going to take monthly progress pics any longer. I’m over a year out now, so I think taking the pics every three months now will give me some more perspective. I see the biggest changes in my face this month. It’s really thinned out – even more so.

One of the biggest ways I can tell my body is changing (even if the scale isn’t) is the amount of extra skin I have. I’ve had a lot. Since early out. But in the past month, with the addition of the different work outs and emphasis on strength training, the amount on my neck, back and upper thighs has really gotten a lot more. I think I’m most annoyed at my neck (afterall, the rest is pretty much covered up by clothing). I’ve worked my butt off (aaaahahahahahah) to not have a double chin anymore. Except I do. Only it’s not a fat double chin, it’s a turkey neck. And I hate it. It’s the one part that I’d be willing to have surgery one (at this point). My thighs also look horrible now. There is a LOT of extra skin on my upper thighs and there has been for a while, but now its even worse. You can work on muscle tone all you want to, but when your skin is stretched that far for that long, it ain’t gonna snap back. I’m not so worried about my stomach, back and upper arms as they are covered most of the time anyway, but my neck…blech. And my thighs are actually uncomfortable.

So, my surgeon wants me to meet with a plastic surgeon for a consult. I’m meh about it. I know it’s not covered by my insurance unless I’m having documented physical evidence of a medical issue due to the excess skin. At this point, I’m not – except for my thighs which are starting to rash. But the surgeon’s office suggested that it may help me feel better about my body image if I just have the consult. I think maybe after the new year. A consult certainly can’t hurt.

So there you go – that’s what’s up with 13 months. I feel this is all old “hat” now. And that makes me happy. I’m thrilled with the fact that the “bariatric rules” are no longer something I have to consciously think about – that they are now daily habit (protein first, no carbonation, no sugar, vitamins, exercise, blah blah blah). I was just speaking to a woman at work how had lapband surgery last July. She lost a ton of weight and looks fabulous. She was telling me though that her body developed a reaction to the band and just two weeks ago had it removed. And she’s scared. Scared of doing this without her “tool.” I told her, “Pam, you’ve got this. You know the rules and you can do this.” And I think she can. She’s worried about hunger, and that’s understandable. But she did say, “I know what to do now. It’s part of who I am. And I have to remember that.”

I feel the same way. It’s part of who I am.

And the person I am now is a healthy person. And victorious. This battle is mine.

These are also posted under the progress pics page…My husband was amazed last night when we were going through the pictures. Taking monthly pictures is one of the best decisions (besides having surgery) I made.

A year ago today I was getting ready to leave for the hospital for a procedure that gave me the tools to change my life forever. I was 304 pounds, diabetic, lethargic, out of shape, and miserable in my skin.

Today I am just about 190 pounds (need to update the ticker). I am active. I exercise daily. My diabetes is in remission. My heart disease has reversed itself. I am in my life and living it. And I’m happy with who I am.

I’m 10 months out today and weighing in at 198 pounds. I have lost 106 pounds in 10 months at an average of 10.6 pounds per month. I have lost 123 pounds total. I forgot to take my measurements, so I’ll have to do that tomorrow.

I’ve gone from a size 30/32 to a size 16 jean and a XL size top (I can wear some 14 slacks, depending on the cut or brand). I have gone from a size 9 shoe to a size 8. I have gone from a size 9 ring to a size 7. In 10 months. I started out at a 55.09 SMO BMI to 34 – still obese, but no longer SMO, or even MO.