The First Three Things People Planning on Getting Married Should Consider Discussing Before They Say “I DO”

This is the first time my wife and I have embarked on the journey of writing a post together. However, what better way to end a week discussing marriage, than writing with the one I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with.

So, everyone, this is Natasha.

Natasha, this is everyone.

Hi everyone. (Pretend you hear a female voice.)

Going forward, if there is a thought Natasha shares, I will put an “N” in parentheses behind her statement. I want her brain to be on display because seriously, she is extremely smart…and beautiful.

Okay, here we go…

Before Natasha and I got married, there were things we did and did not discuss. We have learned some hard lessons in our eight years, some of the lessons have ended other marriages within the first 2 years, but we remained strong. No matter what, all of the lessons have strengthened our relationship and our ability to love and respect each other.

We are going to share 6 things we feel every couple headed towards marriage should consider before exchanging vows…Let’s start with the first 3…

1) Communication– Statistically speaking, this is the #1 reason for divorce (http://patch.com/georgia/marietta/the-top-10-reasons-marriages-end-in-divorce_14370092) due to the inability to share feelings, struggles, concerns, etc. My life quote is from C.S. Lewis when he shares “The prayer that precedes all other prayer, is may the real me meet the real you.” This is fundamental for a marriage to last. Couples need to be open with their issues and be honest about their hurt in order to move forward.

Communication is a very important aspect of marriage. I believe communication is just as pertinent when it comes to the littlest thing like letting your spouse know you are running late from work to having great conversations before you lay your heads down at the end of the night. Truly listening to the heart of your spouse and being present, genuinely present, while they are being transparent is an important key. (N)

Finances are stressful. Money is a necessary evil in this world. It doesn’t have to cause stress on your relationship. You are not in it alone, so be honest and open about the money you have, the money you don’t have, and the money you wish you had. When you get married, the money is no longer “yours” or “theirs”, it’s “ours”. You share with each other the pain and the joy of the bank account.

Financially, we came from very different backgrounds. I came from a family that stressed the importance of saving for the future, paying cash for things when possible, and splurging on yourself when able to do so. Although I can’t entirely speak about the way finances were done in Bobby’s home growing up, I do know that from the start, he didn’t believe savings was necessary and may have lived with one or several credit cards. Our marriage has, for the most part, meshed these two lifestyles together in a balanced way. I always say, “I always want to know that I go to work because I love my job, not because I have bills to pay.” We will always strive to live a debt free life. (N)

In my defense, I did believe savings was necessary, but so was having all my toys. One of the options had to go and…well…savings lost.

3) KIDS– Marrying your best friend is one of God’s greatest gifts and then having babies with your best friend makes that blessing even richer. So my advice: marry your best friend and have babies – lots of them whether it is biological, adopted, or mentored! (If that’s what you agreed to before marriage.) Raise them to love the Lord and love God’s people and then be happy when they have lots of Jesus loving babies themselves. (N)

I always knew I wanted kids. When Natasha and I knew we were getting married, this was a non-negotiable. We were prepared for whatever God had in store. If we were blessed with our own, we would have several. If we weren’t, then we would adopt several. If we are able to do both, then we will. This was our decision. We know kids aren’t for everyone, but don’t marry someone expecting them to change their mind later. Be open to what God has in store, but don’t allow someone to change your heart’s desire.

Okay, we know we said six, but we are stopping here for now. This is already long and we want people to keep reading. So, we will continue the conversation next week.

See, we are practicing the first point, communication! You now know what to expect and you won’t divorce the blog.

See you Monday!

QUESTION: Are there any topics on marriage or anything else you would like me to discuss or write about in future posts?