“Winning isn’t everything, it is the only thing”, Coach Vince Lombardi.
According to sport history, one of the winningest coaches in History who regaled the world with popular quotes about winning. This take no prisoners attitude gained him praise and games.

Let’s look at his resume:

Honors

• In 1967, Highland Avenue in Green Bay, home to the Packers' Lambeau Field, was renamed for Lombardi. As part of the Lambeau Field renovation, a statue of Lombardi now stands on a plaza outside the stadium, in an overcoat grasping a program, as he did often on the sideline. In 1972, the Green Bay School District named its new junior high school (later a middle school) "Vincent T. Lombardi Junior High (Middle) School." It is located on Green Bay's southwest side. The football field at Old Bridge High School in Old Bridge, New Jersey, is called "Vince Lombardi Field." It has been called this since the 1970s, the field in Palisades Park is also known as "Vince Lombardi Field." His brother Joe attended the rededication ceremony in the 1990s. There is a Vince Lombardi Square (with a plaque dedication in the sidewalk on the square) near Sheepshead Bay Road and East 14th Street in Brooklyn, New York. Also in Brooklyn, there are two places in the Bensonhurst area, which are dedicated or rehonored in Vince Lombardi's honor: P.S. 204 on 15th Avenue and 81st Street is unofficially named the Vince Lombardi Public School, and the entire Bensonhurst stretch of 16th Avenue is dedicated by the City of New York as "Vince Lombardi Boulevard." The Vince Lombardi Service Area and park-and-ride is the northernmost rest area on the New Jersey Turnpike, at mileposts 116E on the Eastern Spur and 115.5W on the Western Spur. Outside the gift shop is a plaque about his life, which notes that he is buried in Mount Olivet Cemetery, Middletown, New Jersey. The Vincent T. Lombardi Council, No. 6552, Knights of Columbus, in Middletown, New Jersey, is named for him. The Vince Lombardi Cancer clinic at Aurora BayCare Medical Center in Green Bay is named after him. The Vincent T. Lombardi Center at Fordham University was named for the coach. The Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center at Georgetown University is named in his honor. The Rotary Lombardi Award is given annually to the best college football lineman or linebacker. In 1969, Lombardi received the Silver Buffalo Award, the highest adult award given by the Boy Scouts of America. Immediately following his death in September 1970, the NFL's "World Championship Game Trophy" (first awarded in January 1967) was renamed the Vince Lombardi Trophy. It is given annually to the winner of the Super Bowl. Lombardi was enshrined in the NFL's Pro Football Hall of Fame, in Canton, Ohio, at its next induction ceremony in 1971.

Not bad. So far for the good stuff.

Other Coach Lombardi Qualities That Won’t Go Into History Books

He was famous for yelling and publicly embarrassing his players when mistakes were made. Players walked the tight rope when they were around him and some mistakes can be attributed to the high pressure to succeed he put on players.

He also rewarded them profusely in Pavlovian fashion when they won titles.

In his case, the million dollars those players were paid kind of ease the blow of harsh criticism. Business is business. But let’s look at this closely.

The Self Critic

How many of you would like to live with Coach Lombardi? How many would like to share 24 hours of their life with an outcome-dependent success freak. Yeah, I am sure some of the guys who praised him would not talk so highly of him if they were forced to live with him.

However, we would never want to share our lives with this guy but some of us live with a coach Lombardi in our heads. It is called the Self Critic. Every time you make a mistake it whips at you thoughts like “that was stupid”, “you sucked there” even for little things like dropping sugar on the floor of the kitchen. How many times have you told yourself “stupid” in your life time for little things like that, not to mention the big ones?

How many of you would give their kid to coach Lombardi to train even if you wanted him to succeed as a player?

The “Do-Or-Die” Thinking

This is a failure of the mind so as such it must be treated as a mistake in the way you see the world. When you suffer from “Do-or-Die” thinking you view a challenge as having only two distinct categories. Things are seen as black or white, without any shades of colour in between.

“Either I get the girl, or I am a loser”, “Either they like me right away or I get the hell out of there”, “Either I make out in the first 20 minutes of approaching or my night sucks-or I suck”...etc. you get my drift.

As you notice here in those thoughts, they are either/or. But the criteria for success are so narrow that guys are guaranteed to always fail. They are doomed to negative outcomes because the margin for error is so wide-getting the girl or suck-, they will fail hopelessly most of the time. Then Coach Lombardi appears in their heads and starts the public humiliation or self lashing. Those guys don’t survive long in this game because only perfect is good enough.

Others imagine to succeed with good looking women they must be good looking. In their heads “good looking” is Brad Pitt good looking or model types. As you can see not many people are movie star good looking. So the bar for success with women is so high it prevents them from trying. “Why try? They will reject me. I am not Brad Pitt”.

Not until you address this flaw in your thinking process you won’t get rid of your private coach Lombardi.

It doesn’t mean we will become under achievers-that’s what Coach Lombardi will tell you-, but we will be able to tolerate the trial and error necessary to improve our game.

Coach Lombardi Times

I will enumerate the most common times where Coach Lombardi rears its ugly head during your night out.

1. At the beginning of the night: we are not warmed yet and we are more likely to make calibration mistakes, etc.
2. When we lose a girl, after a long interaction and we thought we had her.
3. When the end of the night is coming and we didn’t get anything yet. It is common for guys to try and do at this time what they should have done before. Kind of procrastination.
4. We have a long string of rejection, for example, three bad sets in a row might trigger criticism inside your head.

So next time out, watch for the bad coach yelling at you inside your head and shut his voice down. It is more fun that way.

The Middle Ground

Doing well but not perfectly. Doing it poorly but getting it done. Those are some of things that would help you put some shades of grey in your performance.

Create a mindset where good enough is good enough. Sometimes you don’t create a first good impression on your girls but think you can fix it down the road: you can succeed despite a bad first impression.

When the set seems to be going nowhere this is when I lay back and not panic. I don’t flagellate myself for it and just lean back and re-engage them. This persistence pays dividends down the road. Interactions never go in a straight line. Allow room for temporary setbacks.

Low points, awkward silences, shit tests are all part of human conversations. You must welcome them as natural parts of the game. You might find that the girl that rejected you at the beginning of the night finds you attractive 2 hours later and goes home with you. Even the same girl can change her moods towards you 5 minutes later of being rude to you.

Allow enough middle ground for success in your interactions and you will find yourself happier, and your interactions getting longer. I don’t worry when half of the girls in a group like me and the other half hate me. I know it will balance out somewhere down the line. Some of the pissed off ones want you bad.

EXAMPLE 2: This one is a little more subjective on whom you see yourself as:SITUATION: You are at a bar with a buddy and three girls are standing next to the bar.

REALITY: You’re single and would love to talk to those girls at the bar. The girls aren’t really having any earth changing conversation.

MIND FUCK: Well, they look like they’re having a good conversation with each other. They might give me an ugly/mean face and I’m not even wearing my favorite cool shirt. I’ll just try and talk to them later after this beer. Hopefully, we’ll be forced to talk to each other somehow.

ANSWER: Be whom you’re meant to be. In how I see myself as how I should be, I see myself with women, I am meant to get phone numbers, I make out with a girl if it’s right, having a conversation with a woman isn’t a big deal, and people think I’m an awesome person. I am not a cowering person. This is whom I’m meant to be and I’ve got no choice but to talk to those girls or I’m failing me and my God given purpose on this Earth. I listen to my gut because it does not fail me. My gut is trying to show me my path and what I need to do. Inside I know it’s the right thing to do. If, for some reason, that these girls don’t become part of my life then they weren’t meant or fit into my path at that time-maybe some other time, though. No worries, my gut will tell me that too. It doesn’t bother me, because I’m still moving with my purpose and intent of whom I’m meant to be.
ACTION: Follow your gut and approach.

2006: She literally asked me to post this for you guys. Notice the shit room I
had in Hollywood without even light switch covers
EXAMPLE 3:THE CATALYST THAT BROUGHT ME TO THIS REALIZATION: SITUATION: I had spent 24 straight hours with the hottest and coolest girl I’d ever seen or met just vibing, fucking, and truly connecting with her. The next day after some of the glow had worn off; I was dealing with future expectations. I kinda mind fucked myself for a little while and it clouded my judgment. (Fuck, I’ve never asked for advice from anybody about girls in my life and I even called Tyler. Thank God he was driving in some mountain range in Hawaii and lost signal.)

REALITY: I knew she loved me and had never met somebody like me before. I gave her one of the best experiences in her life.

MIND FUCK: No matter that I knew she loved me, I still didn't know if my own self worth was enough to live up to a celebrity that every man creams his pants over, millionaires threw money at, and her current live-in doctor boyfriend (that she disqualified a 100 times--now I know better). I literally wasted hours with this mind cloud of how to act or be. Shit guys, don't ever say I'm not completely honest--I never have anything to hide from anyone.

ANSWER: Be whom I am meant to be. It doesn't matter what she thinks. I am living my life and it's not changing for her or anybody. I don't have to change for shit. She can be a part of my life and accept me if she wants or not. No matter what I'll be fine. Completely indifferent. She loved me for what I was and nothing's changed. I have my own path to worry about than to worry about if mine fits in hers.

ACTION: Follow my gut. Just call her and be cool.

As it turned out for me after calling her, she felt the same way. I still remember the slight cracks of nervousness in her voice. That's what happens when YOU’RE the true ten. She was scared to death about what I thought of her the day after.

Conclusion... for now. (One day I'll write about faith in yourself and how you can find the source of strength in knowing whom you are meant to be)
I coulda just said, ‘don’t be a pussy’, but a lot of people just don’t ‘get’ or understand that one. Regardless, I’m proud and happy for making this realization and hope people truly follow it. In a way, it’s a summation of a lifetime of wisdom derived from common sense, research, study, observation, tons of hard knocks and success, and general experience. If you follow it, it WILL change your life and how you make decisions in your life. It gives you the structure and know-how of how to be a man and truly live by your own decisions. Granted, most of the work is on YOU, though. It really is as simple as that. There's beauty in simplicity. It's just not always easy to face yourself.

1996: The Tree of Life. Middle East. In the middle of a desolate desert free from any known water, this tree has grown for over 400 of yearsMy advice to AlaskaDan on finding your path in the Military:
Alaskadan, if you’re still interested in the Navy, as the most independent person I know, the Navy was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I was Search and Rescue, highly decorated, and massively qualified so I had it better (not easier), but I still got into a lot of trouble. It's a fucking hard hard hard life, man. It was a good thing I was also a 'golden child' to save me from actually serving much of the 'penance' I deserved for all the shit I did. Fuck them if they can’t take a joke.

CONS: There were periods of times that I didn't sleep for months more than 4 hours, back breaking work rigging mine sweeps at 3 in the morning, sometimes 12 hours of watch a day in 150 degree heat index--every 3 days, weeks without even seeing a woman, living in the middle east for a year, chipping paint, painting walls, shining brass, cleaning urinals, dealing with TOTAL retards (seriously, they were only one chromosome away), curfews, civilian people just hating you for being in the Navy, and stinky bastards that sleep 3 feet away from you, seeing dead people, listening to jerk offs who think they know what the fuck they’re talking about when they refer to the military and what it's like (because they saw a movie or read about it once, probably), and lastly, nobody outside will ever understand or appreciate what you go through. It's nearly a solitary experience and nobody, but your fellow vets, will ever understand. I dead part of your life that you remember well, but keep to yourself because who can relate? All this while you know your buddies back home are having the time of their lives (mine were anyway).

PROS: Lived in Bahrain for a year and hooked up with girls from around the world, drank a lot underage, my homies in the trenches with you!, people loving you for serving your country (people would just buy me shit at random stores if I was in uniform), the GI Bill helped pay for college, respect from people that you don’t even know, knowing you served something that was bigger than yourself, accomplishing shit you'd never do or have the chance to do otherwise, deep sea fishing, tying cool knots that you eventually forget, lots of time to sharpen your knives, and telling stories with other veterans because they are the only ones who can relate to your experiences.

A lot have been said about change and what it takes to change. I don’t think I can add anything new that has not been out there in any way, matter or form.

I personally have experienced quite a few dramatic changes in my life too.

I have tried to explain, articulate, and teach what goes into changing to fail every time. I have learned bits and pieces here and there. I have taught those but there is always a lack of a defined map for change.

Changing The Scene

Many people change after a change of scenery.

I remember as far back as elementary school, changing schools was dramatic. I didn’t have the usual friends and the usual scenery. Even as a small child I was thrown into an uncharted territory and forced to thrive on my own. I remembered those school changes as forcing me to grow or sometimes retreat into a shell. I changed 3 times of schools and finally settled as I went into 7th grade into a school and environment where I felt I belonged more. I started doing better, practiced more sports, made more friends but it finally ended when I went to high school. I went to a dorm school and it really shook my foundations. This was by far the craziest environment I ever been thrown to, one that was hard adapt- it was a shock.

All these changes forced me to change who I was in order to adapt-of course, I was a kid growing up, forming a personality but still- they all stroke my core, my identity.

Identity level change. The accelerator

The accelerator for change is usually an event or a series of them. They send you into a major life transition be it a drastic change of scenery or a life event-death of a loved one-, or even a positive one-winning of the lottery.

Most people think the accelerator has to be a negative one. Contrary to popular opinion the accelerator for change can be a “positive” event. Some people become miserable after winning the lottery or inheriting a large sum of money. It turns out that saying good bye to their old life-read old identity-, is troublesome and sad even if their old identity sucks. They find themselves struggling to adapt to the new life or “identity”.

Going out 4 nights a week will challenge your usual routine of watching TV or surfing the net for endless hours. Even if watching TV sucks you will find it hard to change this habit. You will want to go back to that life after going out for a while. You want the comfort of your living room without girls. It sucks but you will want it. Even if you are making out with girls in bars and getting a lay here and there. I remember many a Friday coming back from work, tired and wanting to stay home and watch TV.

I recently changed my ultra lean diet for another one. The accelerator was seeing my buddy Goran breaking his abs in less than 2 weeks. I couldn’t believe it. So, I changed my diet and tried the new one. It was a good accelerator.

On my first day on the new diet, I had terrible headaches but kept going. It is going fine now.

Change Is Traumatic And Uncomfortable. It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

If you are stuck into an identity that is not making you very happy you will be thrown into hell if you want to change it. Moving out of an old identity is horrifying. Most people experience alienation, confusion, frustration and a million other painful forms of unease.

In a way you could say you are doing the right thing when you feel those negative emotions. Your emotional compass is telling you that real change is taking place. Your identity is changing. So it hurts.

Like going to the gym for the first time in years, makes every muscle in your body hurt for weeks on end, your new identity will make you ache inside.

Rejection And Pick Up

Being rejected on a regular basis is the price guys pay to get good at pick up. It takes a lot of getting used to. The pain of rejection is something your old identity doesn’t like and refuses to adapt to. Still it is a necessary change in your identity. You require adapting to this new scenery for it will bring you all the joy of banging girls that otherwise would be out of your league.

Internal validation implies a change of identity, a painful one, for guys are in the habit of being rewarded externally for what they do. Society teaches that over and over.

Eventually guys develop a sense of entitlement that is attractive to most girls out there but until that comes they need to go thru necessary identity level changes.

Change Can Be Comfortable. There Is A Map For Change

It looks like I am contradicting myself but I am not. You can study the map of change and predict it, even ride it comfortably.

The same way you can manipulate yourself out of a plateau in a learning curve- for you to do that, you need to know how a learning curve operates. Let’s say you are in a plateau, you can feel it, and all you have to do is to start doing something different.

Likewise there is a map for change. Your body will tell you. Your emotional compass can identify when there is an accelerator happening. It is identifiable because things become uncomfortable.

All change goes thru this sequence:

1. Accelerator/catharsis (my life sucks; girlfriend dumped me, no social life, I hit rock bottom with drugs or alcohol, etc.)
2. New life plan(decide to take a bootcamp, buy a DVD, read a book, writing down goals, new identity or life plan,)
3. Readjustment of plan according to changing reality (rejections, bad nights, good nights, Pu learning, old identity frame snap backs, etc...)
4. Land of milk and honey(fuck buddies, ltrs, threesomes)

If you follow this pattern change can be even enjoyable. This is the map you will use. All it takes is to know where you are in that sequence. Learning who you are is a huge part of making changes simple and comfortable. It takes honesty to understand and recognize where you are in that sequence.

Back To Square One

The point is that you don’t stay in step 4. Sooner rather than later you will find yourself stagnating and yearning for new changes in your life. Unforeseen things and events will make you go back to a catharsis or accelerator and force you to create a new life plan. Change will show its ugly head again. But is it ugly? Or, is it a sign of good things yet to come?

Habit Of Change

People who have been thru major life changes in the course of their existence are better equipped for change. Their internal compass will move like a fish in the water. They know intuitively the map of change. The same way happens when you learn a new language. For 1rs timers a new language proves to be a challenge. For people who already know another language, learning a new language is easier. They already know what it takes. They have an internal road map for learning languages. Same happens with change.

Another good example is break ups. People who learned the game go easily thru break ups. For most people breaking up with a girlfriend is painful and traumatizing. For guys in the game, they know how easy they can get another so this change is known and charted territory. They do better at it.

Here's a couple questions I've been asking myself lately. See if you can relate: "Am I completely selfish?" and if so, "I am wrong for it?". I think I am to a degree, but I don't think that's necessarily bad. I always go after what I want and I always have. It's not always obvious, but as sure as the sun rises every day, I do. People continually in my life have broken themselves upon me. Ultimately, I may bend, but will never break.

How can I freely admit this to you and myself?" I have no fear; I *know* beyond a doubt that my ultimate goal will be for the greater benefit to anyone. I have to serve myself first. It's not just, "Hey man, I'm following my path. Fuck off. Leave me alone". I HAVE to do this. I HAVE to do what I do. How else can someone trade a lucrative investment banking job to make the pittance I do now.

KNOW YOUR WORTH:Rocky Balboa

I’ve spoken to Tyler about this and there will be a time when we will move on from the dating biz (me much sooner). That's because we EVOLVE and we get a higher form of understanding of OURSELVES. We will undoubtedly be doing something along these lines for when we do move on (experiences like this always leave imprints on our lives), but it won't be anything quite like what we're doing now. We can't. We must evolve and grow.... No worries, I don't think it will happen anytime too soon.

My purpose that has taken me here. To help people. There is beauty in simplicity.

In order to do this, I had to know my strengths and weakness'. I'm a firm believer in leading by example. Everybody hates a poseur. That was a core reason for all the things I've done in my life. I always put myself out there and pushed myself. I broke rules and did what scared me. I learned that the times I listened to society, family, or friends it consistently only hurt me. You have to think for yourself. Because of what I've learned and experienced, I am a vastly different person and better man than I was when I was 20 or 25 or 29 for that matter-- mostly for the better .

Here’s some training wheels for taking the right action ALL the time and doing the right thing for YOU, the only person that will make you happy, and lead you to a lifetime of fulfillment.

Tyler and a lot of other people have gotten a lot out of what I'm gonna do my best to articulate via the written word (not as easy said than done). The first time Tyler asked me to publicly speak about this was in Rio the spring of 2007. So, here it goes...

Even Jesus said, “The Kingdom of Heaven is Within YOU”

I heard someone say once, "You are what you do". I think that says a lot if you're trying to find out what you should be doing with your time.

Otherwise, I stand by my prior statements that all answers people seek in life they already know. They just need to recognize it and have the courage and strength to go after it. Nobody can tell you what you should do, so you are right to not listen to the people around you, though, they probably have the best intentions. None-the-less, in my experience, it's a recipe for bad consequences.

In January, as I was wondering about a question I had in my own life (seriously, I think it was after I picked up and fucked a TV host that l kinda freaked about how to handle expectations) and I had somewhat of a great--if not the greatest--realization in my life (epiphanies are only for religious experiences).

The summation of it all was this, "Be whom you are meant to be". That was it. I typed it up and posted it on my wall. I realized every answer I could ever have in life was in that statement. I already *knew* in my mind who I saw myself as. I already *knew* inside my own potential. It was only up to *me* to live up to it. It was a profound realization.

You see, there are times when, as a man and (as I'm told) an very well balanced put together person, that my judgments can get clouded by an emotion. In these times it can be difficult to be sure of what to do or think, but if you rear back and really ask yourself that question, "Who am I meant to be?"--the answer WILL become clear.

EXAMPLE 1:SITUATION: You are sitting there watching CSI: Miami

REALITY: It's a Thursday night and you *know* there are loads of hot women out tonight at Club Tightshirt that you could meet... if not just for practice

MIND FUCK: You are fucking tired, scared to meet women, need to wash your clothes, and have social anxiety disorder

ANSWER: Be whom you're meant to be. You have to ask and find that answer. In your mind you don't see yourself as a fat ass watching TV, but someone who has women in your life. You can see it and know that God didn't put you on this Earth to not have women or good people in your life. You know truly that you must take action and do the steps to be the person that you *know* you should be. Get up and do it because you have no choice. This is who you *know* you are and right now you are FAILING at your own expectations of yourself. Catch up and start to take those actions that you need to do to get there. You have no choice.

ACTION: Go to club Shinyshirt and meet some women.

As a side note: if you keep failing your own vision of yourself you will be that man at 40 with no life, no women, a career you hate, and no social skills.