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worries, culture, and updates

Where to start? I’ve received so many emails and phone calls demanding updates on my “no worries” resolution, so I’ll start with that. (okay, more like my husband mentioned it in passing two weeks ago. At least someone remembered. 🙂 It’s been almost two months since I gave up worry for lent, or fall, or something.

How’s it going, you ask? Well, it was going great. I wrote the blog, went to bed, and things were going swimmingly. Then I woke up and sort of felt that left-arm-numbness-thing I’ve been noticing. That was a bit of a battle to my spirit. But nothing compared to Day 3 of No Worry Living, when Sam had an allergic reaction to something still unknown, in our living room (carpet? pesticide? peanut butter?), and we had to administer the epi pen and call 911 and rush him to the doctor. I mean, I guess I knew there would be trials and tribulations to surmount. But really, God, really??!? The epi pen on Day 3??! Initially, even this challenge was met with confidence, maturity, and strength. What I mean is, the paramedics (and my mom) were impressed with my attention to detail, yet refusal to cry like a little girl, even though anyone would be scared.

It was only days later that I basically crumbled like a cookie in a lunchbox. Crumbled apart. The terror, the adrenaline, the questions that needed answers, the rashes that needed watching, the doctors who needed prompting…

Worry is like a toilet. No, not just that it’s crappy. (Seventh grade humor…sorry. Too much time with my husband.) No, picture the part where it flushes and water is swirling and swirling and sucking down. Worry swallows everything. There is no middle ground. Worry a drop about something; soon you will worry oceans about anything. Either worry is dead or worry is tyrant. So I guess despite my failure it wasn’t a total loss. I have learned a lot about worry. I have learned how destructive worry can be. I have learned I am a hypochondriac. (Who knew? Oh, you did? Shoot.) Finally I have learned that I can be great at managing worry, especially with a little medicine, a glass or two of wine, people who listen, a few good nights of (mostly) uninterrupted sleep, when I am surrounded by people, and, ahem, at certain happier times of the month.

I am not the hero of this story. I did a bad job not worrying. (Although give me a little break…the epi pen on day 3?!?! Did anyone think I’d survive that??) I still remain resolute as ever for the next 23 days. I think I am just more humble now. I know I am a worry junkie. I need to go to AA meetings and run like heck when I see a needle. It’s my pathetic drug to cope with life, and I am grateful for people who help.

SO there is that update. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way here are a few random happenings and thoughts of the last two months.
– We are praying for the right next place to live! Our house is rented. Where do we go next? No pressure, since it’s not like our kids will probably grow up in this house, and I’m sure our 3.85% interest rate will be around any old time we need it again. (!?!?!)
– I am teaching again. I have the most wonderful students EVER. Sam, Jack, and Lincoln, so far. Homeschool preschool rocks.
– It’s not too late to get up in the wee hours of the morning (or just the regular morning, only if you have a toddler and baby, heads up that it may FEEL like the wee hours of the morning) to read your Bible with us! I am so grateful for this program, and for all the friends all over the country who are reading with me! We sign in via facebook in the morning for accountability. Not too late! Join us
– Finally. I have realized I have a love/hate relationship with pop culture, now that I am offically an adult. Love: I want to be cool again. When did I lose it? (Oh, yes, that’s right. When I got pregnant.) Anyway, I miss shopping. I miss knowing how to do my eye makeup, or doing my eye makeup in general. I resent the realization that I am actually not wearing the kind of jeans the cool kids are wearing. But also: HATE. At the risk of sounding like a grandmother (no – I take it back. No “risk” – I offically WILL sound like a grandmother.) BUT WHEN THE HECK DID AMERICA GO TO POT??? (I warned you…grandmother.) But seriously. Maybe I have just been removed from culture too long while I was burping and shushing and making babyfood. But have teenagers always been so grungy and disrespectful and texting nonstop and just plain NOT who you want your precious little boys to grow up and be with? (or – gasp – be LIKE??) Has mainstream TV always been so full of sex and boobs and really awful people?? Seriously??

Okay, I am off my soapbox. Just had to note it, for the one other person in the world who also feels that way, now you are not alone! 🙂 haha.

Whew, thanks for reading this quite random update, and I promise I won’t be gone so long next time!

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One thought on “worries, culture, and updates”

Jess….we are so living the same life. I just had to write that…every time I read a post I think that! Too bad We couldn't come see you last month! Keep up the posts-oh, I've been gathering recipes I want to send you too…. It just keeps on being pushed farther down the to do let…but someday!

I'm Jessica Smartt! I used to be a teacher, and hundreds of middle schoolers hung on my every word (or something). These days, I stay home with my two little Smartt boys, which I love. But when I get that hankering to teach someone something, I blog! {Or we go on a bug-hunting expedition. One or the other.} Thanks for stopping by!