effed up family of mine...

It's gonna be a long one sorry. So my older sister is a devil in disguise (jealous, hateful, gossip queen, control freak list goes on) who, throughout my life has manipulated me, threw out of my flat, signed me off it - as a result I lived in a ghetto with drug dealers - and couldn't tell my parents as they always were on her side. Now, the story with my dad is just as bad. He was always on my sisters side and abusive to me and my mum. So, I recently got engaged to the love of my life and didn't tell neither of them. My sister found out and blew a huge scandal about being left out, turned my father against my fiancé (whom he never met) and told people around that neither her nor my dad will ever bless us. Bear in mind this woman n her husband told every friend around us I'm a ***** and even gave names to people I apparently slept with (lies). And she told my fiance's sister a 'secret' that I'm infertile. Well....right now I'm 11 weeks pregnant and we are planning to get married in a month or two. Simple ceremony. All I care is him. And I desperately want these two people out of my life. My mum is trying to keep the family together no matter what.... This whole situation makes me want to go see a shrink. Right now I just want to never hear or see neither of them. Sorry for the long text I summed it as much as I could trust me. It's a shame how families sometimes are treating us worse than strangers on the streets.

It's gonna be a long one sorry. So my older sister is a devil in disguise (jealous, hateful, gossip queen, control freak list goes on) who, throughout my life has manipulated me, threw out of my flat, signed me off it - as a result I lived in a ghetto with drug dealers - and couldn't tell my parents as they always were on her side. Now, the story with my dad is just as bad. He was always on my sisters side and abusive to me and my mum. So, I recently got engaged to the love of my life and didn't tell neither of them. My sister found out and blew a huge scandal about being left out, turned my father against my fiancé (whom he never met) and told people around that neither her nor my dad will ever bless us. Bear in mind this woman n her husband told every friend around us I'm a ***** and even gave names to people I apparently slept with (lies). And she told my fiance's sister a 'secret' that I'm infertile. Well....right now I'm 11 weeks pregnant and we are planning to get married in a month or two. Simple ceremony. All I care is him. And I desperately want these two people out of my life. My mum is trying to keep the family together no matter what.... This whole situation makes me want to go see a shrink. Right now I just want to never hear or see neither of them. Sorry for the long text I summed it as much as I could trust me. It's a shame how families sometimes are treating us worse than strangers on the streets.

Ah so the question is : over the years I have tried and tried to reconcile with both but they still make my life a living hell. (I had a red discharge after last screaming argument with dad)! So, am I an awful person, if I want to build my own family without having them as part of my life? I.e. distancing myself for good

Ah so the question is : over the years I have tried and tried to reconcile with both but they still make my life a living hell. (I had a red discharge after last screaming argument with dad)! So, am I an awful person, if I want to build my own family without having them as part of my life? I.e. distancing myself for good

Nope if it is what you think is best and it sound like allot of drama. You should focus on your new family. But give them the chance to change one daY.. I would be polite but just kinda stop talking to them or listening to them.. Still talk to your mom though if she isn't the problem

Nope if it is what you think is best and it sound like allot of drama. You should focus on your new family. But give them the chance to change one daY.. I would be polite but just kinda stop talking to them or listening to them.. Still talk to your mom though if she isn't the problem

No you would not be an awful person for building your own family and life without them. My mom once told me that "just because someone is in your family does not mean they are a good person or that they will be a good person to you, or else there would never be serial killers with families or children who are abused by their parents, etc."

It sounds the the relationship you have with both your father and sister is a very toxic one. It is not healthy to have all of this stress in your life while you are pregnant. I would definitely cut them out, even if not permanently then until they have changed or until your family unit (DH, baby, you, his family, your mom) is stable and strong enough to work through any drama they could potentially cause.

It sounds like you should have a sit down talk with your DF and ask him what he thinks about your decision to cut them out. I'm guessing he knows about all of the lies your sister has told? and that he is as disgusted by her actions as you are? If he supports you in the decision to cut them out of your life then he should reach out to his family and make sure that they cut contact with your father and sister also. Even if you guys cut them out, if your sister keeps in contact with his family or your friends (anyone around you) it would be an opportunity for her to cause problems and drama still. If he goes to his family and vouches that everything your sister has done and said has been an absolute lie, they will believe him and will hopefully never listen to your sister again.

It sounds like it can only be a good thing to cut them out. It will give you peace of mind. Let your mom know also that you appreciate the fact she wants to keep your family intact but they have already ruined any chance of that happening. Let her know you still love your father and sister but you do not like them as people and will not continue to let them harass you and try to ruin your life. She should understand and hopefully leave well enough alone. Then all that is left to do is work on building your family :) Good luck!

No you would not be an awful person for building your own family and life without them. My mom once told me that "just because someone is in your family does not mean they are a good person or that they will be a good person to you, or else there would never be serial killers with families or children who are abused by their parents, etc."

It sounds the the relationship you have with both your father and sister is a very toxic one. It is not healthy to have all of this stress in your life while you are pregnant. I would definitely cut them out, even if not permanently then until they have changed or until your family unit (DH, baby, you, his family, your mom) is stable and strong enough to work through any drama they could potentially cause.

It sounds like you should have a sit down talk with your DF and ask him what he thinks about your decision to cut them out. I'm guessing he knows about all of the lies your sister has told? and that he is as disgusted by her actions as you are? If he supports you in the decision to cut them out of your life then he should reach out to his family and make sure that they cut contact with your father and sister also. Even if you guys cut them out, if your sister keeps in contact with his family or your friends (anyone around you) it would be an opportunity for her to cause problems and drama still. If he goes to his family and vouches that everything your sister has done and said has been an absolute lie, they will believe him and will hopefully never listen to your sister again.

It sounds like it can only be a good thing to cut them out. It will give you peace of mind. Let your mom know also that you appreciate the fact she wants to keep your family intact but they have already ruined any chance of that happening. Let her know you still love your father and sister but you do not like them as people and will not continue to let them harass you and try to ruin your life. She should understand and hopefully leave well enough alone. Then all that is left to do is work on building your family :) Good luck!

Thank you so much for the advice. Well, my fiancé knows about her lies as she Used to be friends with his sister. That was before she Mistreated his sister (on one occasion she advised her to divorce from her husband because he didn't earn enough and that's what people do if finances aren't stable)! Yep! That's my sister! In fact, our families are weirdly correlated. My sister is married to a guy whose brother is my fiance's sisters husband. So you see, all these stories go round and round. I hate gossips and yet because I try to avoid them they keep coming back. My fiance's mother knows about my sister through another incident: my sis brought a maid from her in laws to help her with the child. Then accused her of stealing her hair bands, called psychic on tv and that psychic apparently said she keeps it in her stomach. So my crazy sis believed it, told everyone about it and asked her husband (whom I have no respect for ever since) to drive her off her house. Bare in mind, the maid never spoke a word of English and is a 18 y old poor girl from Madagascar. They left her in an empty flat without money. So my fiance's mother as well as my fiancé used to bring food to her so she wouldn't starve. So yeah, their family is familiar with my family and I'm deeply embarrassed by it. Thank god they see we are different and his mom has given me a chance so has his sister.

Thank you so much for the advice. Well, my fiancé knows about her lies as she Used to be friends with his sister. That was before she Mistreated his sister (on one occasion she advised her to divorce from her husband because he didn't earn enough and that's what people do if finances aren't stable)! Yep! That's my sister! In fact, our families are weirdly correlated. My sister is married to a guy whose brother is my fiance's sisters husband. So you see, all these stories go round and round. I hate gossips and yet because I try to avoid them they keep coming back. My fiance's mother knows about my sister through another incident: my sis brought a maid from her in laws to help her with the child. Then accused her of stealing her hair bands, called psychic on tv and that psychic apparently said she keeps it in her stomach. So my crazy sis believed it, told everyone about it and asked her husband (whom I have no respect for ever since) to drive her off her house. Bare in mind, the maid never spoke a word of English and is a 18 y old poor girl from Madagascar. They left her in an empty flat without money. So my fiance's mother as well as my fiancé used to bring food to her so she wouldn't starve. So yeah, their family is familiar with my family and I'm deeply embarrassed by it. Thank god they see we are different and his mom has given me a chance so has his sister.

I have such a small family and yet everything is in ruins. I'm not even sure I love my dad or sister. I cannot count anything nice they ever done to me.... Sorry everyone I just am clueless at this sort of drama and would think my mum stand by me, as I stood by her throughout years of abuse and neglect (my sis threw my mom out also, because apparently she gave some tea to her toddler). And instead she says I'm becoming heartless....

I have such a small family and yet everything is in ruins. I'm not even sure I love my dad or sister. I cannot count anything nice they ever done to me.... Sorry everyone I just am clueless at this sort of drama and would think my mum stand by me, as I stood by her throughout years of abuse and neglect (my sis threw my mom out also, because apparently she gave some tea to her toddler). And instead she says I'm becoming heartless....

Well I am glad to hear that your DFs family knows how your sister is even without you telling them! It really sucks to have a bad seed in the family that can reflect upon you but it sounds like your DFs family is smart enough to know you are not her! She sounds pretty out there and definitely a bit evil spirited.

I think you will do just fine with cutting her out. It will be hard since everyone seems to be so interconnected but you can do it! Just let them know you would prefer not to hear anything about what is going on with your sister and that they should not tell her anything about what is going on with you either. If they respect you and DF enough they will do this. It is hard to stay drama free. There is always potential for something to come up or for someone to start some kind of drama but it isn't impossible to ignore it and stop it from bothering you!

I wish you luck in cutting them out! And I hope you and your DF have a nice happy healthy life together with your new baby as soon as it's born :)

Well I am glad to hear that your DFs family knows how your sister is even without you telling them! It really sucks to have a bad seed in the family that can reflect upon you but it sounds like your DFs family is smart enough to know you are not her! She sounds pretty out there and definitely a bit evil spirited.

I think you will do just fine with cutting her out. It will be hard since everyone seems to be so interconnected but you can do it! Just let them know you would prefer not to hear anything about what is going on with your sister and that they should not tell her anything about what is going on with you either. If they respect you and DF enough they will do this. It is hard to stay drama free. There is always potential for something to come up or for someone to start some kind of drama but it isn't impossible to ignore it and stop it from bothering you!

I wish you luck in cutting them out! And I hope you and your DF have a nice happy healthy life together with your new baby as soon as it's born :)

Thank you!I really appreciate your advices and just even some reassurance from people that its not me it's them for a change is so good to see. Thank you! My poor child - hope he/she sees nothing of this..... Oh my I imagine what will happen when they all find out about my pregnancy.

Thank you!I really appreciate your advices and just even some reassurance from people that its not me it's them for a change is so good to see. Thank you! My poor child - hope he/she sees nothing of this..... Oh my I imagine what will happen when they all find out about my pregnancy.

Reassurance is really great to have sometimes! Just stay strong lol. When they do find out they may try to make a huge deal out of it but W.E. Dont listen to what they have to say or let it effect you. DF and I are not going to let his father or my uncle in our DSs life for the most part. They both have addiction problems and we have decided it is best to keep them away from him so he doesn't grow up seeing that kind of behavior. So I get how hard it can be to cut people out lol. But yes it isn't you! It is them!

Reassurance is really great to have sometimes! Just stay strong lol. When they do find out they may try to make a huge deal out of it but W.E. Dont listen to what they have to say or let it effect you. DF and I are not going to let his father or my uncle in our DSs life for the most part. They both have addiction problems and we have decided it is best to keep them away from him so he doesn't grow up seeing that kind of behavior. So I get how hard it can be to cut people out lol. But yes it isn't you! It is them!

I am one of those people that believe that being related to someone does not necessarily make them your family. Family is supposed to represent love, support, a port in the storm. These 2 people don't represent any of that. It sounds like you will be better off without them, and so will your child. As much as I'm sure it will hurt, there is nothing wrong with cutting out the grief and drama from your life. Focus on YOUR family which is your soon to be husband and child. Good luck.

I am one of those people that believe that being related to someone does not necessarily make them your family. Family is supposed to represent love, support, a port in the storm. These 2 people don't represent any of that. It sounds like you will be better off without them, and so will your child. As much as I'm sure it will hurt, there is nothing wrong with cutting out the grief and drama from your life. Focus on YOUR family which is your soon to be husband and child. Good luck.

No one deserves that kind of treatment from anyone especially family. You and your baby deserve better and they don't sound like they would be a very good example to your LO. Your fiances family sounds like they support you and it is completely understandable that you want to start your own family. Your sister sounds like she has personality issues. I hope everything works out for you. Goodluck with your pregnancy:)

No one deserves that kind of treatment from anyone especially family. You and your baby deserve better and they don't sound like they would be a very good example to your LO. Your fiances family sounds like they support you and it is completely understandable that you want to start your own family. Your sister sounds like she has personality issues. I hope everything works out for you. Goodluck with your pregnancy:)

Thank you ashkieffer. I wish my mum stopped telling me its the right thing to do to keep standing by my family..... She keeps saying I'm being immature and heartless. I'm 27 and their abuse I've been experiencing since I moved out at the age of 16.

Thank you ashkieffer. I wish my mum stopped telling me its the right thing to do to keep standing by my family..... She keeps saying I'm being immature and heartless. I'm 27 and their abuse I've been experiencing since I moved out at the age of 16.

Families eh ??? My MIL and SIL are two horrible people. My MIL is a holy person who thinks that because she goes to mass everyday she has the right to judge and look down her nose at everyone. She is also very nasty and opinionated. She gave me such a hard time after I had dd she had me in tears so many times. Also she constantly judged my family. I have two brothers who have a daughter each and are not married ( the shame !!!) both are brill fathers and provide for their kids. SIL caused trouble when she's not the centre of attention. She ruined our wedding pics. She swore she was finished having kids but as soon as we were married she had to get pregnant. Her choice I don't care if she has ten more but I know it was because we were TTC. Any how had a baby and waited til the day before I had dd ( elective section for breech baby) to christen him. She rang my DH in tears two days before asking if we would put off our section for a few days to go to christening !! Yea ill put my child's life at risk to suit you. Anyhow my point is. They both caused serious problems for me which caused rows with DH. We had no option to cut them out of our lives. I know it was hard for DH but he stood by me and we refused to take any more crap. You have the right to live your life as you see fit and you have the right to be happy doing it. If they cannot be happy for you them tell them goodnye

Families eh ??? My MIL and SIL are two horrible people. My MIL is a holy person who thinks that because she goes to mass everyday she has the right to judge and look down her nose at everyone. She is also very nasty and opinionated. She gave me such a hard time after I had dd she had me in tears so many times. Also she constantly judged my family. I have two brothers who have a daughter each and are not married ( the shame !!!) both are brill fathers and provide for their kids. SIL caused trouble when she's not the centre of attention. She ruined our wedding pics. She swore she was finished having kids but as soon as we were married she had to get pregnant. Her choice I don't care if she has ten more but I know it was because we were TTC. Any how had a baby and waited til the day before I had dd ( elective section for breech baby) to christen him. She rang my DH in tears two days before asking if we would put off our section for a few days to go to christening !! Yea ill put my child's life at risk to suit you. Anyhow my point is. They both caused serious problems for me which caused rows with DH. We had no option to cut them out of our lives. I know it was hard for DH but he stood by me and we refused to take any more crap. You have the right to live your life as you see fit and you have the right to be happy doing it. If they cannot be happy for you them tell them goodnye

MrsR, do you think they will ever realize how they mistreat people? My fiancé says these people don't see past their noses and with age people get worse. I wonder if they will ever understand that they are horrible to their close ones.

MrsR, do you think they will ever realize how they mistreat people? My fiancé says these people don't see past their noses and with age people get worse. I wonder if they will ever understand that they are horrible to their close ones.

The material on this website is provided for educational purposes only and is not to be used for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, or in place of therapy or medical care. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy

Advertising Notice

This Site and third parties who place advertisements on this Site may collect and use information about your visits to this Site and other websites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services of interest to you. If you would like to obtain more information about these advertising practices and to make choices about online behavioral advertising, please click here