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Hi everybody. It’s me again: the world’s biggest Dr. Who fan. I know you haven’t heard from me in over two weeks and some of you have been starting to get worried. Fear not, for I am alive. I have been traveling through time and space just like Dr. Who in his famed DeLorean (and horse-drawn sleigh in the third season). Well, I wish. In fact, I have been in hiding. You see, I have caught a LOT of flack for my previous article about Wholievership. There have been several comments so obscene I absolutely had to delete them, death threats against me and my family, and one guy nailed a copy of Martin Luther’s 95 Theses to my front door, only he changed all of them to be relevant to Dr. Who. Actually that last guy seems pretty cool. I might invite him to join the Secret Order of Wholievers.

This the emblem of the Secret Order of Wholievers. If you have to ask why you’ll never be allowed to join our club.

Why are so many people outraged? There are a few reasons that an undeveloped mind might find anger at my previous article. I’m here to enlighten and cast away the fury. Learn from my wisdom so that someday you might even become a Junior Member of my secret society.

As everybody already knows, I am pretty much the world’s biggest Wholiever. What is a Wholiever, you ask? It is a Whovian who is so Whovian that it has practically replaced religion in their life. If you have never met a Wholiever that is because you’re probably poorly educated and were raised by assholes. It’s not your fault, it’s your parents’ fault.

Today I wanted to take some time to talk about Dr. Who: a show so good it can only be

Hot Shit.

compared to itself. Have you watched it? It’s basically your run of the mill medical drama, but it’s super captivating and the characters are astoundingly realistic. This is why the show is called Dr. Who. It’s about this doctor that performs these amazing and risky surgeries every day, but in the end he is just a normal guy like you and me. That’s what makes it so wonderful to see each week when the new episodes debut on the Sci-Fi Channel right after that week’s new episode of Lexx. First I get a boner from watching that sexy space porn, then I get my heart pumping with patriotism watching the greatest American produced television show of all time: the unparalleled Doctor Who.