‘Complete Me’

For some pornography addicts, the addiction is driven by a need to feel complete. It’s as though every engagement with lustful fantasy or pornography material is a cry: “Complete me.’

What this means is that the incessant pull of lust and pornography is an attempt to fill a deep void in a man’s life. He lacks something; what John Eldredge refers to as a need each man has — starting in the earliest days of boyhood — to know that he “has what it takes.” When that is not communicated in the early days of a boy’s life, primarily — and most significantly — in words and actions from his father, the void which results is huge.

When that boy reaches other stages of his development, and becomes aware of the pull which the beauty of a woman can have on his heart, the unresolved question of “do i have what it takes?” flares. It seems the answer will be found in her; in winning the affection of a girl — eventually, a grown woman — and usually more than just one girl or woman. Pornography provides an endless supply of willing women who will — at least give the appearance of — being won by you.

Conquering or possessing her sexuality seems to tell us that we do, in fact, have what it takes. But it’s a cruel lie and the running to pornography only increases because she cannot answer that question. In fact, she was never intended to.