Monday, September 10, 2007

Firstly

It's been years. Years and years and years. Years of wanting. Years of relaxing, and hoping for an "oops", and not "not trying". Years of searching for the right way to go about this "family" thing. Years of solemnly soul-baring to newly minted best girlfriends over too many pitchers of beer that I was, in all likelyhood, barren. Years of admitting there was no formal diagnosis, but knowing that it was probably true.

Those years have culminated in this: I am, according to all reliable sources, infertile.

Of course, in the span of those years, I have been many other things, too. A best friend, but a backstabber at the same time. So uptight I squeak, but at times, promiscuous. A world-saving pseudo-veg recycler chewing on a fast food BLT. A wanna-be housewife who won't wash a dish. I've got a whisk in one hand and a compound miter saw in the other. A computer book in one hand, a viola bow in the other. M&Ms in this hand, and flax-seed granola in that. I don't have enough hands.

I'm hoping for this blog to be a place where I can explore the infertile piece of my life through the slightly more irreverent (and apparently, bi-polar) faces that have represented me so much more thoroughly in my life than the "infertile" label ever will.

Blog Archive

Reasons

When I was 12-ish, my middle school best friend got a letter from her mother stating that she had a "bee in her bonnet". Confused as to exactly what her mother could have meant, we found three different colloquial meanings for that phrase:1. wound-up about something, angry about something, having some sort of disturbance rolling around in your head2. having a special someone in your life3. being knocked up

The first two meanings, I have in spades. It took way too long, but I finally took care of the third.