If you’re ever on any type of deployment or volunteer gig which includes people, human beings, and you’re told not to interact with those people because that’s not what you’re here for, do.not.listen.

You might be someplace to help with infrastructure, deliver medical aid, or work on a conservation project etc., but not hugging or speaking to even one local person is a missed opportunity at creating human connection. How else are you to fathom what someone’s gone through, or what they are in need of? For us to simply enter unknown territory and deliver boxes of food because we want to ‘help’, but don’t want to even attempt to understand how those we’re here to help have come to such a point in their lives to require said ‘help’ is a shittier form of colonialism in my opinion.

To presume that ones physical presence as a result of where you come from (‘First World’) is more than enough and that that alone should speak volumes unto an oppressed or already victimized peoples is probably the massivest load of bollocks I could ever think of. You are present as a result of your privilege. As a result of chance and circumstance. Nothing more, nothing less. As humans its in our nature to feel things, sadness, hurt, anger, love, regardless of where you come from, and that’s the beauty of having a heart isn’t it? Allowing it to feel and permeate into the depths of each others souls without using words. Our hearts speak the same language but more importantly our souls share the same voice x

We visited a few villages today where people who’ve already registered with SKT come to pick up their boxes. Each person is notified beforehand be it via text or word of mouth about the upcoming drop-off where they must bring/show a form of ID alongside an SKT registration card. It’s overwhelming seeing mothers with baby in hand, toddler waddling close behind and trying to balance this pretty heavy box on her head as though it’s no big deal, but you know she hasn’t got a choice because that box literally contains her bread and butter until the next drop-off (fyi some of us did carry them all the way home to help because duh.)

Also saw a different side to the cute ickle kids which I think was a bit of a shock to some of the others lol kids are kids no matter where in the world and will forever go mad over sweets. Even more so when they’re from a foreign land and it ended up being super mob-like with a few tears and lots of pushings etc. but I’d like to think everyone at least got something x

Evening ended with visits to local families who suffer from various illnesses or disabilities as a result of the war whom SKT also provide assistance too. One of the men we met was paralyzed from the waist down and suffers from cancer; his 17-year-old son has had to drop out of school in order to tend to his father. Another family had 4 children between the ages of 24 and 30 more or less in a vegetable state literally sprawled across the room unable to walk, speak, eat on their own, absolutely nothing and completely dependent upon their parents for survival. That was hard to see, and again how does one even attempt to console or see the good in that situation. Of course you well up but what good are my tears. You can’t help but be in awe of and make silent dua for the immense patience instilled in mothers and fathers to both accept an expected fate, and do the best they can within their means for the sake of that love for ones family and children.

One more day left and I’m trying not to think about leaving. I’m taking it all in, every second, every persons face I kiss, every embrace and cuddle, and I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to go back and simply define all of this as an ‘experience’ because it’s so much more than that x

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so recently I’ve been thrown a pretty shit life card, and with tonight being New Years Eve I’ve allowed myself one more day of moping and dwelling on a pretty sucky situation! not sure if that’ll actually last, but I’m trying my best lol

I’ve had a lot of time to think about life and love and happiness and my ickle part in this big beautiful world and I’ve come to somewhat of a conclusion that I just want to be a good freaking person with a clear conscious, clean heart and soul who smiles at people and gives people the benefit of the doubt, and loves profusely regardless of whether its reciprocated or not and puts love into everything I do because that’s what I want to be remembered as. It costs nothing to be a nice person, to show you care, to tell someone they look nice or smell nice, or that you like their eyebrows lol all you do is end up making someone feel happy and/or smile, and what’s the harm in that?!

I was kinda sorta terrified coming home because I didn’t want to deal with ignorant people looking at me funny or saying mean things about the whole Muslim issue etc etc. and fair enough we’ve already experienced a silly old lady whilst driving, but the other day I had to ask someone to move their car so we could reverse and there was a bit of hesitancy in my heart but he was the nicest person ever and apologized and I felt guilty for assuming the worst of him and the situation. I know I’ve been consciously making it a point to give people the benefit of the doubt regardless if I’m receiving the short end of the stick because a) I’m really trying to be ‘that’ person who tries not to be judgmental cow and b) you really lose nothing from assuming the best in people and situations and sometimes yes, you get screwed over and people might take advantage of that, but I guess it’s up to you to determine what you’re going to value and hold importance to based on who you’re trying to be as a person and what you want out of your life.

I remember reading something along the lines of ‘how you treat someone is a reflection of how you truly feel about yourself’, and it’s something I want to positively implement into my life and interactions with the world and all its people this coming year.feel like if I go on to say all I want to do is spread cheer and joy to the world, I’m essentially synonymous to Santa Claus lol so I won’t, but that’s a tad bit how I feel lol x I want to consistently continue putting love into everything I do even if its grilling chicken for dinner lol (it really does make a difference!) and fall in love with peoples souls and all the goodness that they have to offer the world. I don’t want to expect anything from anyone, be it friendship, texts, hugs etc. because I think I only end up disappointing myself and thats never a warm fuzzy feeling; if it all comes willingly and genuinely I have no complaints lol but depending on meself for that and so much more creates this ‘responsibility to the self’ which I think everyone owes to their soul. I want to continue making a conscious effort to pray and always be in this state of thanks and ‘alhamdulillah’ for life and breathing and all the good that’s in my life alongside the badness because that’s just the universal balance of life!

I realize that this has turned into somewhat of a ‘new year, new me’ type post lol but I think I just wanted to put myself back on track and remind my heart and soul about the person I’ve always tried to and wanted to aspire to be in life.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe New Years tonight! Dress warm so you don’t get sick (you shamalam x) and try to smile and compliment at least one person you come across tonight lol if you feel warm and fuzzy inside and a smile upon your face, then you’ve done good love x See you in the New Year inshallah! xoxo