Saturday, August 25, 2012

perspektif orang yang tak bertudung pastu pakai tudung: Part 2

anyway, i've been wanting to write this for the longest time: my perspective from a person who wasn't covered, to now is. i pray hope that i will continue on till the end of my time. in sha Allah =)

this year is my second year of being a hijaber. (weeeee!)
i'm still very much muslim than when i wasn't a hijaber. however, many things have changed since. i've written about my first time wearing it in this old postand i find it weird how people would leave a comment on a post as old as that too. come on peeps. dah 2 tahun kot.

=)
bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

my initial intention was to be a better person. 2 years ago, i wanted to wear tudung because i thought it would make me see something i couldn't see.
i ni the kind yang suka observe and will try to understand people's actions. i read fictional books not because i like to transport myself into a fantasy world or anything like that, but mainly because i like to read about the characters. it's like a shortcut for me to see other people's perspective.

so before being a hijaber, i wondered like why laa do people always make a fuss about tudung. it's just a piece of cloth! chill la! takyah la paksa pakai! i pakai bila i nak la! islam bukan agama paksaan! i tau la wajib tapi chill la! my grave is my grave! - i used to answer to people's nagging about tudung.
in 2010, when i took that one selendang and wrapped it around my head, covering my hair and most of my neck area, all i wanted to know was how can this piece of cloth, could make me a better person.

alhamdulillah. with tears on my face now as i'm typing this, i believe it did make me into a better person.
i don't know how much better, but definitely it's different now.

it took me about a year to get used to wearing shawls. i bought so many types of shawls to understand the kinds of material that suits me best, which ones can be styled easiest, etc etc. my concerns were more towards fashion because.. well.. i wanted to feel good wearing it in order to get used to it..

the next step for me was to understand Islam and finding the Truth.
alhamdulillah, the Quran had been my bestest best ever best of the best friend ever on this journey!
it's true, when people tell you that the Quran is the best form of hidayah, believe them. get one with translations and read it.
i went to several book stores to buy a Quran with translations (you can find them in MPH and Kinokuniya), but i found my mom's Quran (with translations of course) at home which she bought in Mekah when she did her hajj!! so takyah beli! yayy! i was so happy then and when i started reading it, masyAllah..
every turning page is either a slap on the face or new knowledge.
the strongest ayat which gave me the biggest slap was Surah Ali-Imran, ayat 185. i posted it in my tentang hijab post and everytime, sampai sekarang ayat tu macam terngiang ngiang dalam kepala otak.

of course there are so many ayats which repetitively remind us about how worldly pleasures are only temporary while the hereafter is eternity, but this ayat was the first one to struck me real hard.

and then came the song "If i die young" by the band perry.

when i heard the song on the radio the first time (and many times after), i cried.
this particular verse haunted me:

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my motherShe'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh wellLife ain't always what you think it ought to be, noAin't even grey, but she buries her babyThe sharp knife of a short life, wellI've had just enough time

firstly, i don't want my mom to bury me.secondly, if she had to, yes i want her to know i'm safe in Paradise.thirdly, i know i have to die eventually, my death is written but it's a secret no one will ever know. it's like jumping off a cliff and not knowing when you'll hit the ground.it's scary!!!lastly, if the life of anyone i love would be taken earlier than mine, i don't want them to be burdened by my sins.. if anything, i want everyone to enter Paradise.. in sha Allah..
so like i mentioned earlier, "i wanted to wear tudung because i thought it would make me see something i couldn't see", and yes. i saw.

i saw how much i lacked. how little my knowledge in islam was and how much i've taken it for granted.

oh Allah.. ampunilah hambaMu ini Ya Allah.. i was too proud before.. i thought i knew my religion! but what i knew was only the basic stuff. stuff we learn in school i soon realised, were not enough. there're so much more to know!
it became more apparent about how little i know even though i've studied Islam and went to usrahs. when i went to do my first ever umrah earlier this year.. i was embarrassed. ashamed of myself. malu sangat nak bertemu Dia..

my change ni kan, was from out to in.
meaning to say, i had to change my outlook and lifestyle first and gradually progress on the inside, the heart and mind. some people go through this too and some start changing from in to out. which means some people change their hearts and minds first before changing their outlook and lifestyle.
whichever way it is, both are good. it is normal for human to always want to be better. it's just a matter of how much effort we're willing to put and how much we're willing to sacrifice.
and before any of you start judging others or questioning other people's intentions, remember.. "today i am better than you, but maybe tomorrow, you will be better than me." - this saying generally. when we see people who hasn't performed their best, make a doa for them.The Prophet said: "The dua of a Muslim for his brother (in Islam) in his absence is readily accepted. An angel is appointed to his side. Whenever he makes a beneficial dua for his brother the appointed angel says, 'Aameen. And may you also be blessed with the same.'" [Sahih Muslim]

SO! to finish this off, before, i used to think hijab is the act of covering ourselves physically. but now the 'hijab' which means covering, to me, is the act of covering from head to toe with modesty, being modest, portraying a believer of Islam, a form of jihad (though i know it's not a big type of jihad), and all of that with the intention of pleasing Allah SWT. and that is why i call myself a hijaber. macam doa la since nak ber-istiqamah kan =) in sha Allah.

and as an advice, if you know what you're doing is something good, don't hesitate. just do it, pray for the best and tawakal. maybe your first intention macam "off" sikit tapi takpe. try to improve from time to time =)
takde masalah la! hehee =D

One said, a pious person has a past, a sinner has a future. that little, simple statement, motivates me every single day. life is a struggle, it may be hard (duh, doing good thin"gs is NEVER easy esp with iman seciput ni) so i guess, He will reward His servants based on the efforts they made. Baby steps. Love to read your blog because I think i can relate the posts very much to my situation,

anyways, Boona said was right "In sha Allah you say, u'll change ur ways one day,the only problem is, we're supposed to praise like we have no more days"

tears down kak mariaaaaa, really a good entry, even i am a hijaberim still doing a lot of mistakesit doesn't mean people don't change, kak maria, small effort sometimes can give a really big impact. :)

Actually there are some things that we need to force ourselves because it is demanded/obligatory in Islam. Even UAI pon have spoken of this before. Kalau nak tunggu "nantila I umur 30 baru pakaila", "tunggula nanti bila rase nak pakai, bila dapat hidayah, bila rasa ikhlas baru I pakai"; mungkin berjanggut kot tunggu. Just imagine if you died before you reach 30??! Just imagine if you died before God give you enlightenment??! Nauzubillah!

At least you have covered your hair, you obliged to what was demanded from you as a servant, even though the act might be insincere at FIRST! Soon it will become a habit & insyaAllah, later you will gradually SEE & naturally your nawaitu will slowly become lillahitaala & insyaAllah, Allah will open you heart to His hidayah :-D

I, myself, was forced to wear tudung after reaching puberty ;-) and thanks to my parents I'm glad I was forced to :-D

^Just my 2 pennies for those who are still hesitating whether they should wear tudung or not.

Salam maria, i've left u a message on ur fb and twitter about ur photos on your myspace. I hope u've read my message. Tried to reach u in any possible way i could but i knw u must have thousands of messages on ur fb n twitterdaily that u did not notice mine.

MashaAllaah Maria. This is one great post. I have been wearing my hijab since I was four, but I fully understood the benefit and reason behind it when I reached 19. When I was younger, I thought of it as just a peace of cloth that I am already used to wearing. But now, it's far more different.

i have similar sitch as you are with some differences. glad you posted abt it.

Dear kak maria... Im a new hijaber that hijrah after reading your writing, u inspired and showed me that hijab is not only about fashion. Im slowly moving forward to understand the true meaning of it and whats hidden inside the Quran. Thanks kak maria..

you're very inspirational. i'm glad my girlfriend looks up to you. she couldn't have picked a better person. please don't stop posting on your blog. i think you also changed my point of view about people. "today i am better than you, but maybe tomorrow, you will be better than me." best piece of advice i've ever heard.

you see, i'm a hijaber too, for a longer time but a lot of the Fiqh part and whatnots i'm most ignorant.

and on the last day of Ramadhan, i ended my Quranic reading with the said verse. it struck a very deep chord in my heart. because i really wish that my religion is truly perfected.

there and then i realised that the prayera that i perform, are not only because i worship Allah, but is also a part of His blessing for me. if He cares not to hear my du'a, i would have feel free to abandon my prayers or perform it late etc.

Hi kak maria! I really love this post. It's very very inspiring. And i just started to wear hijab 4 months ago. Alhamdulillah i feel great and willing to be a better muslim as time goes by. After reading your post, i almost cried and feel that there's so much more to learn about islam. Keep posting kak maria! :)

I think this is my first time posting a comment in ur blog. It's all because I can feel what u feel and because I truly and deeply understand u. Allah is ALWAYS with u! Sis, keep learning Al-Quran to inspire urself and inspire others by writing in ur blog!

oh Allah.. ampunilah hambaMu ini Ya Allah.. i was too proud before.. i thought i knew my religion! but what i knew was only the basic stuff. stuff we learn in school i soon realised, were not enough. there're so much more to know!

Alhamdulillah..and maybe you forgot to mention that a daughter's sin always go to the father.. He will be questioned about each of her sin in the afterlife. Love our father by reducing his burdens there..

a good post indeed, good job maria!may this open our sisters' mind out there inshaAllah :)

Saya doakan yang baik-baik sahaja untuk awak Maria, semoga anda menjadi insan yang anda idamkan..InsyaAllah. You are more beautiful with this hijab because you know the meaning/reasons of wearing it. Allah has chosen you to be a better muslimah.

I really admire your blog. What I really like about your blog is your way of writing is very simple and bubbly. Even you are very well known in this blogger’s world, you are being very humble and nice towards everyone. You really love to travel. I am sure it is everyone’s dream to travel across the world and enjoys God’s blissful creature. I’m a Muslim and one of a hijabsters. This is what I adore you the most because you can be my source of inspiration to dress up but still covering our ‘aurat’. Sometimes you like to blog something that very give me motivation to live my life wisely.

the author

in case you're wondering, no, there's nothing peliks about this blog. maybe a bit about the blogger, but that's for you to decide. and no, you don't have to tell me what you've decided. unless, you've decided to stay on and read on and on and on. then, well, thanks! oh, the name's Maria. Malaysian, young (at heart) and awesome by nature. bahahaa!