Premium Chef’s Knives

They may know the best recipe for every major Northern Italian, French, and Thai dish ever invented and be able to whip up a soufflé blindfolded, but can they cut a tennis ball in half in mid-air? The truth is, these knives do all the work for you. Or so we’re told. They certainly look better than that Walmart set.

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Many a voracious reader dreams of whiling away the time in a comfortable chair in some musty library. But what if the chair itself was the library? If they can survive this intense moment of revelation, they may have something akin to a braingasm. Which is a hell of a housewarming gift in itself.

Is a party even a party before the tequila comes out? Make sure your host serves their spirits in style with this smart and sophisticated serving set. We’d take a shot on this gift being just what every housewarming party needs, and we’d quite literally take a shot off it too. With a present this perfect, can you blame us?

Create 3D printer models out of real objects with a 3D scanner. This is invaluable practice for the future, when we’ll be able to print our own dream lives complete with real living friends, pets, and loved ones that act exactly as we’d like them to. Or perhaps not. But it’s fun to pretend.

In case you haven’t noticed, Mother Nature could use some help. Old plants and leaves will eventually rot enough that you can use them as mulch, but Jesus does it take a long time, and nobody’s got all day to wait. Like they say, if you want something done right, do it yourself. An electric leaf mulcher is a great way to speed up that slow old woman’s work.

Moving into their dream house is a big occasion that deserves a big party. And what’s a big party without big cocktails? This giant shaker will keep the drinks flowing at the housewarming and will prove to be the centerpiece to a memorable night. Well, we say memorable, that all depends on how often it gets filled…and emptied…

Eggs are delicious, healthy, delicate, and frustrating all at the same time. This makes them a perfect candidate for something to hand to a machine and say, “Here, you deal with this.” And unlike housemates, the machine won’t feel used or unappreciated. It will just produce perfect eggs in one of several forms, all without protesting. Another win for technology.

For many people, donuts are the only reason to get up in the morning. Despite this, we’ve been told over and over how unhealthy they are, being fried balls of dough and all. Well, this donut pan will remove the final psychological barrier to full enjoyment, because it takes out the frying. Take that, food police. Oh, and it’s a lot cheaper too.

Run, run as fast as you can, but you can’t escape from a Ninjabread Man. These stealthy holiday assassins will sneak, chop, and stab their way from oven to belly without making a sound. Turn any kitchen into a dojo with these hilarious novelty cookie cutters.