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I’m sure most citizens of these great United States have no idea how many commemorative days and months have been legislated at the local, state, and federal level. Everyone is familiar with Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the Fourth of July, Veterans Day and the like. And most of you are aware of month-long celebrations like Black History Month, National Hispanic Heritage Month, and Jewish-American Heritage Month along with others. You might think there would maybe be a few more, but you would be wrong, as in way wrong.

How about this: as of 2017 there are 2,346 commemorations, observances, and holidays. That figures out to be about 195 per month. And every year that number increases. So, what have our genius legislative bodies come up with that bears marking a special occasion? Here is a short list, in no particular order, of some of the nuttiest, ones that truly stand out for all the wrong reasons.

National Car Care Awareness Month National Impotency Month

World Thinking Day World Soil Day

Home Eye Safety Month Bingo’s Birthday Month

Banana Pudding Lovers Month Caffeine Addiction Recovery Month

American Cheese Month Singles Awareness Day

World Day of Genital Autonomy National Absurdity Day

National Tie Day Rare Disease Day

No, I am not making this up. You can Google all of this. Another example of city, state, and Washington politicians wasting their time and our money.

Here’s a solution. We’ll put together a constitutional amendment that decrees that legislators at all levels can meet and conduct business on only five days during the entire year. That’s it, no more. There will be time for only the most pressing concerns. Not an extra minute for foolish activities.

Assuming this idea moves forward, it would be nice as a way of thanks if lawmakers made one last commemorative gesture: 2018: The Year of Robert L. Van Kirk. Okay, maybe not.