(up the ante)

whatveganseat

It’s like Nutella, except without any of the redeeming qualities of Nutella.
Nutella’s all like, “Oh, I’ve got hazelnuts, and a recent study from Harvard or someplace said that eating tree nuts can make you live longer somehow!”

Dark Choco Dream is like: I’m fair trade. Look. Look at all my fair trade labels.
Me: But aren’t you just frosting?
Dark Choco Dream: 0 trans fat! Nothing artificial!
Me: You’re sugar, palm oil, and chocolate.
Dark Choco Dream: I say “fair trade” FIVE TIMES on my label!
Me: You have 212 calories in 2 tbsp.
Dark Choco Dream: I’m vegan and gluten-free!
Me: Because you’re frosting.
Dark Choco Dream: They took the word “late” out of chocolate because you’re not late because you’re on your period and you just want some chocolate and nothing about me hurts other people because I’m fair trade, and if only everything could be fair. Like job titles. And getting on the bus first when you’ve been waiting at the stop the longest. Choocccooooo.
Me: Damn straight! I’ll get a spoon.