Google, Now Brought to You by the Letters, WTF

The founders of Google made a fairly substantial announcement today, and it was ... how do you say ... confusing.

That silence you hear is the from tech journalists across the world wondering, “WTF just happened?”

In case you haven’t heard, Google just announced a massive corporate restructuring, which means Google, and assumptively every company within, will now belong to a bigger Google named Alphabet, after the sign in our kindergarten room. Or Alpha-Bet, or ABC.XYZ.

I don’t normally write about breaking tech news, so I’m not prepared to give you any intelligent commentary on the market impact or how wise the decision may or may not be.

What I will give commentary on is the “WTF just happened” nature of the announcement.

First, let’s start with the name.

If a company would name itself Alphabet, there would be no better one than Google. After all, it has the power to singlehandedly redefine the word.

Strangely, though, with a quick cursory search, it would appear that the company didn’t buy Alphabet.com. One would suspect that, for the sake of Google, with the more than $50 billion it has in cash, the company may have wanted to secure this domain with an unconnected middleman, prior to umbrella-ing the world.

Weird.

Also weird: The company doesn't appear to control the @Alphabet Twitter handle or the /Alphabet Facebook page. (Congratulations, by the way, to the people or company that does.)

Next, let’s talk about the announcement.

While it’s long, the announcement oddly lacks in substance. And, quite frankly, it seems a bit startup-ish. No formal press conference. No formal stage. Just a couple of founders making a startup-ish statement, on the basis of “what we believe.”

Certainly not what you’d expect from a publicly traded technology staple.

For such a significant announcement, it just seems a bit light on the, you know, details.

Lastly, and least important, what’s with that logo? I’m a simple guy and appreciate minimal design. But this is literally a stock font, with what appears to be zero thought.

I’m sure that there are very smart people who spent a very large amount of time crafting a very well-structured plan. But quite frankly, it all comes across as very unstructured, haphazard, and, well, elementary.