Attention Company Brewheads! Is that what we’re calling the fans of Company Brewing? CB hypes? CoBrew creepers? Zagora Major’s army?

Whatever you want to call yourself, you should know there is going to a rousing round of trivia happening tonight. Typically, you get your team together, show up at the joint and stare longingly at at Nick while he reads questions in his ASMR voice. BUT NOT TONIGHT. You’ve got at the helm for week two of your Autumn League.

I’m not sure how you’re going to feel about his voice, but I’m sure you’ll find comfort in the uncomfortable as he burns through such rounds as Chinchillas, Pokemon GO! and Royal Rumble Winners. Typically I would say these are barely categories, but these are all suggested categories and who am I to critique anything.

We are in this together, and much like the allegedly changing climate, we are all responsible, so let’s get through it together as well. All you have to do is show up at Company Brewing tonight. Come hungry. Come thirsty. And be there by 7pm.

Whew. What a weekend. I’m over here trying to get my questions ready for trivia tonight and I’m still just thinking about what happened at Glass Nickel last Thursday night. I would tell you I’m going to ease into the vulgarities of the night, but there is no way to do so.

It was the Classy Cunts +J who showed up and shook the place every time I had to announce their scores. But I was okay with it. I assumed this crew knew of my history as a very important fashion writer, and their use of “+J” was actually a hat tip to the initial collaboration between Jil Sander and Uniqlo, which started in 2009. I think I still have one of the Overcoats from that F/W collection hanging in the hall closet. So, I think it’s safe to say this team is full of Classy Cunts indeed. They had 22 points.

Ahead of them at 42 points it was Clever Girl, who started out hot and then chilled. I like that move, that’s an intimidation tactic by all the best trivia teams. At 47 points it was Multiple Scorgasms, who didn’t finish first. Contrary to their name, they never finish first. Besting them by 1 point, and ending the night with 48, it was Team Drank Tickets.

Neal of Fortune found themselves finishing in an uncommon fourth place. But that’s what scoring zero points on your double and ending the night with 51 points will get you. At 66 points it was Homeward Bard: An Incredibly Spoony. That was good enough for third place. Second place went the newcomers Rollie Fingers’ Mustache they put 72 and brought an infant with them. Bold moves from a new team. Even bolder when you consider that the winners on the evening Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs only got to their 1st place spot after dropping 9 drink tickets and bumping themselves up to 78. It’s a bummer to see a new team go down like that, but that’s trivia justice in action.

Now, we roll onto this week’s shows where Nick is kicking it off at Company Brewing tonight. Legend has it, it’s the start of his Autumnal League. So everyone better starting heating some apple cider, think about maybe raking the leaves into a pile, I mean if you even have trees in Milwaukee, put on a vest and and get down to Company Brewing to answer some questions about Costa Rica, The Las Vegas Strip and The Donner Party.

Alright Madison. Let’s do this. Let’s get our teams together, let’s go over the subjects we discussed earlier in the week and let’s find ourselves in the basement of Glass Nickel by the time 7pm rolls around.

In case you missed it, the hot subjects this week are US National Parks, invasive species of Wisconsin and the Manhattan Project. Now those are some good time, party topics!

Of course, you could always go hit up the trivia at Adamah cafe on Langdon. But are they going to drop knowledge like Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia? Maybe. Are they going to have a sweet, Ale Asylum sponsorship? Probably not. Are they going to have Jake and Egan running pizzas and beers and whatever else you can find on the menu? No way.

Also, I’m pretty sure their trivia starts at 6pm and parking is such a hassle in that neighborhood. So skip the Adamah trivia, and get yourself to down to Glass Nickel tonight for a few prizes and a good time.

I have yet to hear any feedback from last night’s show at Company Brewing. Sure, I have the scores, and we can go over them in a minute, but I want to know how Nick did with the pressure of REAL funny people on his heels.

Did he do his bit on airplane food? Probably. Fun Fact. Nick has never been on a plane. He, like Dan Aykroyd (his hero, and another man of questionable comedic skills), has a train car in which he travels by hooking that bad boy to the back of Amtrak, or sometimes a Fort Atkinson, Topeka & Santa Fe freighter.

Or what about his impressions? At any point was was he like, “This is Vin Diesel talking with Claire Danes from the Temple Grandin movie about deep house in the early 2000s and underground fetish dens. I don’t mean any of this polished American Horror Story glossy fetish bullshit. I’m talking about grime and grit. Like, you ever watch two people pleasure each other while someone cosplaying Ayn Rand thaws out a couple of chicken breasts and just chews on the raw meat without ever swallowing it, and over in the corner Big Mouth Billy Bass plays Taylor Swift albums at quarter speed”.

Actually I love that bit.

Anyway, you know who didn’t flop last night? Butthole In One Night Standing Rock. This team, with their growing name, put up 83 points for the win. Behind them, it was Best Pumpkin Spice Ever!–a name that caused me to shudder, just a little–in second place with 73 points. At 59 points we saw a tie between the Tunnel Snakes and White Walker [ed. note: Post Labor Day joaks]. That sad thing about this name is that Facebook doesn’t allow for simple formatting, and the name will end up being White Walker [ed. note: Post Labor Day joaks] but imagine the “White” part being redacted. And finally, it was What About Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog? They scored 20 points and also have me concerned about the naming conventions in use at Company Brewing.

With all that behind us, we roll on! Tonight the show lands at Up & Under. Where Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, a man who knows a thing or two about early 2000s deep house in his own right, will be firing off questions. If you want to get in on this, all you have to do is be at the Up & Under on Brady at 7pm.

Now that we’re beyond that let’s talk about some trivia, shall we? But we’re not just talking about trivia. We’re going to be talking about the ins and outs. The deep cuts. The shit you find in the darkest corners. That’s ultimately where we are at with trivia.

For example, if Nick and I are sitting around discussing trivia categories and we come to National Parks the conversation often goes like this:

Greg: We got another request of National Parks.Nick: National Parks or National Parks Service Units?G: Fuck those dudes.N: Honestly though, we could do it about how every year since the inception of the parks more than 1,000 people have disappeared. That’s like 100,000 unrecovered bodies stacking up. We could ask about that, but then every answer would be aliens or skinwalkers.G: Right. [a few moments of silence pass]G: What do you know about the Chicago Mothman?

Shit has gotten dark in the collective trivia mind. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a thing. So keep that in mind tonight when we’re discussing National Parks, invasive species of Wisconsin, or the Manhattan project.

The other thing to keep in mind regarding tonight’s trivia show at Company Brewing, is that it will be followed immediately by Bad Company–an open mic and improv show. You’re going to be there anyway, jokes are always fun and they will keep the beers flowing, so I highly suggest staying. Now, will they be as funny as Nick? Time will tell.

So let’s get it straight. Trivia at Company Brewing happens tonight. We’ve already discussed a few categories that will come up. Then, once all the questions have been asked and the answers have been provided, you can all stick around and laugh at some jokes.

If you had to estimate, how many watermelons would you say you consumed over the holiday weekend? Three, maybe four? As for me, I easily had four whole watermelons. But I also tossed back three cantaloupes.

It was a holiday weekend, so I decided to live a little. You know, give the taste buds a final rush of that sweet, sweet taste of summer melon. Lay in the grass and smoke a joint before the season is over. Lace up the white bucks one last time.

Now, summer is over and autumn has immediately set in. If the air outside hasn’t reminded you things are going to start dying soon, perhaps you should consider this week’s trivia categories. We will be discussing The Wide World of Arena Football, Siberia and Clocks.

If you’ve got a team who has what it takes to squeeze a win from the line-up of bleak topics we’ve got this week, you should get yourself to the Up & Under on Brady Street tonight. The questions will be coming from celebrity guest host Andy Berg and Lewis, the man who once Rick Rolled OJ Simpson by claiming he had found the real killer. All you have to do is show up and have a few beers. The show starts at 7pm.

That was jibe thrown across the trivia room by T.W.A.T. last night. But this wasn’t about wrestling victory from the clutches of a Mancunian, turning the event into some sort of poor allegory about colonialism, or a commentary about how immigrants are coming for our trivia prizes. No, no, this was T.W.A.T. letting Team Awesome know, they are the last place team at this trivia. No one can take that from them. Suck it indeed, Manchester.

Building on T.W.A.T.’S 17 points and Team Awesome’s 22, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs put up a perfect Larry Bird with 33 points. Clever Girl knocked down 52 points, which was enough for third place. I should also mention an early Happy Birthday to Amie from Clever Girl. She’s brought in so many baked goods over the years that I can’t even mention them all, but they have always been so delicious. She’s also buying a new house next week, so big things all around for her.

Second place went to Lock, Stock and Two Spoony Bardels. I could go on about how they’ve really moved up after a last place finish last week. But more importantly, I’m very proud of los Bards for doubling a category they kind of but didn’t really choose. That’s some real dance-with-the-one-that-brung-you, folksy wisdom. That’s also how you lose a god-damned trivia game, Rob. They ended the night with 58 points.

Way out in front, as usual, it was Neal of Fortune. They dominated the evening with 86 points, which prompted me to ask if they play other trivia in town, and if so, do they win all of those as well? The answers were, “Yes and yes” and then I learned this roving band of knowledge-spitters are playing trivia in a muthafuckin’ grocery store tonight. THEY ARE PLAYING TRIVIA IN THE SAME PLACE YOU CAN BUY INSTANT CAKE MIX.

That said, this is also the team that brought trivia-themed gifts for Inez. Check this out. We’ve got a onesie with a cropped Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee Around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening. The focus here is on the distorted Elephant and Obelisk likeness, which is really the star of the image. Then they also tossed in a Wisconsin tee, which when printed caused the printer to say, “You know this is going to be upside-down on the shirt, right?” I know that line. Finally they kicked in a proper piece with this The Physical Impossibility of Death In the Mind of Someone Living plush shark. Our first instinct was to name the shark Damien or Hirst, but with further consideration we’ve settled on Nihil. Oh how I cannot wait for this child to say “This is my shark, Nihil. It was inspired by The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living. Would you like to listen to this recording of Keiji Haino’s So, Black Is Myself. I’m in preschool.”

Neal of Fortune is rad as hell, top to bottom, I hope they win it all tonight and get a giftcard to buy cheese slices, or carrots, or eggs or whatever.

I guess we should have seen it coming. We should have known this was simply a cat playing with its prey. There was no way 3 Guys on A Fact Hunt were going to give up the league win at the Up & Under. They just let everyone around them cobble to together a few points and the false hope of winning the league. Sure, 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt, scored a few league points here and there–they maintained that fine balance of remaining in the running and staying in the cut.

Then when the league finale showed up, there they were. Stepping out of the shadows, out of the cut, to lay waste to the other terms. My apologies Trivia Newton John, The Whispering Goat Whores and all the terms who got deep into league play at the Up & Under this summer. You never really stood a chance.

Tonight we move the show on to Madison, where the students have returned and street vomit is suddenly back on the upswing. Maybe you’re like me and you scored a fresh pair of sneaks and want to keep that foxing white for just a few more days. If so, come on down to the Glass Nickel on Atwood where you’re pretty unlikely to step in a pile of vomit. Jake is going to be there pouring drinks, Egan will be hustling pizzas and I will be explaining the finer points of Billy Joel‘s career.

If this sounds like fun to you, all you need to do is get your team together and get yourself to Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. We’ll be in the basement, and the show starts at 7pm.

You all know gypsy is a pejorative term, right? Good, so shout out to all that weak-kneed suckers who sat idly by last night and let a team name themselves “Gypsy Danger”.

But I’m not here to lecture you. Just go ahead and head down to Gypsy Taco and smother your subtle racism in trash food that is sullies the name of the Roma people and tacos.

Anyway, fuck that team and their team name. They also ended the night with only four points. Normally, I would write that this is standard for new teams and talk about how it gets easier, but not in this case. This team only scored four points, probably because they aren’t very bright and probably don’t need to come back to trivia with their general shittiness.

Thirty points up from there, it was The Alices, who managed to come with a ignorance-free name. They also scored 34 points. Topping The Alices by one point, 35 in total, it was Here For Bike Benefits. I hope they got their bike benefits, because they certainly walked out of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia empty handed (except for the great memories).

White Walker Rafting put up 42, James Worthy style, and ended up tied with Best BOATSEX Ever. BBE had to take a 10 point deduction. I assume it was because they they brought in an extra player, which suggests they really do know how to make the best boatsex ever.

Then in third place it was Tunnel Snakes. They scored 56 points. Typically I would take a few sentences to talk about the utter failure of this term. Honestly, they are so close to being good, but then they just let all of us down at the end. I was on the phone last week with Grandma and Grandpa Tunnel Snake and they were talking about how disappointed they are in their grandchildren’s trivia team.

That’s not going to happen this week. I’m going to tell you how Tunnel Snakes is full of super-radders. Someone on that team, someone with a cat and serious knitting skills, crafted a fancy hat for my daughter. And it’s big enough fit Inez’s giant melon. AND they sent it with a Charlie Harper card, which is perfect as there is already so much Harper in my house. Thanks Tunnel Snakes, you guys are top notch!

In second place it was the Reclusive Wankers, who aren’t so reclusive these days. They put up 70 points. It was a good score, but they stopped short and gave the last night’s win to Butthole in One Night Stand, who scored 71 points and also earned dad joke points because of that name.

Tonight, we’re sliding over to the Up & Under on Brady st. where Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, the man who first told Ke$ha to write her name with a dollar sign, will be wrapping up their summer league. It’s a first place shoot-out between Trivia Newton John and 3 Guys On A Fact Hunt. It’s going to be brutal, and if you want to see it happen in person, be at the Up & Under tonight at 7pm.

Is it notable? Sure. Then again, every trivia show is one for the history books. But this is also the league final for those teams who call the Up & Under home.

But before we get to Tuesday, we have to make it through Monday. That means it’s Company Brewing time. Legend has it, Nick has returned from witnessing the eclipse and he is even more powerful now. He claims to have the strength of a 1000 eclipsed suns and a motorcycle license. I hope everyone in the crowd wears their staring-at-the-sun shades. If you already dumped yours in the trash, toss on a pair of those Wisconsin Hardest Trivia specs. They’re not eclipse approved but they are totally legit for staring at Nick. Unless he has his shirt off.

If you think you’re ready to take on Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia, you’re going to want to get a strong team together, say you and five other heavy hitters. Then you’re going to want to read up on things like American Serial Killers and Global Culinary Terms. Typically we give you three categories to study, but the ice-cold sonsofbitches known as the The Spoony Bards requested a category in which all the answers are “three”. Those dudes are out here to scuff my smooth. So instead, all the questions in that category involve threes or triplets or a triumvirate or whatever.

Once you’ve got your team and your knowledge in place, head over to Company Brewing at 735 Center Street in Riverwest, order up one of those Night Rye’d tappers and get ready to learn to ridiculous shit. The show starts at 7pm, but if you want a seat closer to Nick, I suggest getting there earlier.