They were released last week and were booked within 3 minutes (it was well worth the 5:50am alarm)! 😍

“We’re getting married!”

On a desperate hunt for a new destination to explore, we narrowed it down to either Cyprus or Malta; both hot in Jan/Feb and not too far away.

“When we discovered Bristol flies to Cyprus and Malta didn’t, we knew this was the decider.”

It was a weird feeling at the time because we didn’t want to travel too far from home; home being our safety net.

It’s definitely a good thing that we didn’t want to stray far, because I can assure you, we would still be in the middle of a jungle in Bali, having started a new life as Wong and Wang without a care in the world. 😁

“Fortunately, I have ginger like skin (pale, freckles, burn by looking at the sun), so somewhere exotic just wasn’t on the cards.”

It takes a good layer of fake tan to hide this fact, so on holiday you will usually find me under a sun umbrella covered head to toe in towels and factor 50 sun cream. 😁

This couldn’t be further than the truth for my sun kissed goddess Mr Conroy…

Oh no.

He only needs to look at the sun from a ray of light that has crept through the crease of a blind to sun kiss his beautiful face. 😒

We booked Cyprus 4 weeks before flying so we had some time to prepare, something to look forward to and to get excited about.

But in the days leading up to our holiday I still didn’t feel excited, like truly excited.

“I seem to have built up an excitement barrier to avoid being let down or disappointed when things don’t go as planned…”

Instead, I was happy to go with the flow and just enjoy every single minute when we had comfortably placed our feet on Cypriot tarmac.

We flew on Wednesday 31st January, (yes a f**king Wednesday again 😁) but this day was different.

It was the evening for the super moon.

We relate Luna to the moon as that is the meaning of her name.

“Seeing the moon each night from our bedroom window is so comforting. I feel her looking after us while watching over us.”

Now being as blonde as I am (sometimes) I felt a little deflated at the fact we would miss the super moon by being abroad.

I then realised that as there is only one moon and you can see it from all over the world! 🙈

(Give me a break guys) 😂

“We were looking forward to having a little stroll around the hotel and a walk to the harbour to see if we could see her.” 🌙✨

We travelled the day before to Bristol in order to stretch out our short break for an extra day and when we checked in, the sense of relief was incredible.

As we jumped on the hotel bed a wave of excitement flooded my body.

I’ve really missed this feeling.

We went for food and Ryan went to the hotel gym (don’t roll your eyes people, he needs all the help he can get 😁) before we got an early night in preparation for our early morning flight.

We’re going on olyyydaayyy! 😍

Walking across to the airport in the dark, wind and rain I thought f**king hell, GET ME ON THAT PLANE.

We found the extremely grumpy EasyJet woman who had greeted us at the desk, a holiday highlight.

She was grumpy, tired and just damn right f**king rude but instead of letting her bother us, as quite frankly nothing would be getting to me today (and we couldn’t really give a sh*t), Ryan just killed her with kindness.

She was so uncomfortable being told to have a lovely day, how we were so sorry for our bags not being accepted on the machines and it’s great she still has a job in this day and age with technology and that she must be so good at it, etc. that it was just pure f**king gold. 😂

Kill them rude b*tches with kindness, always… that is until you see a feedback machine on ‘how we performed today’ and then you smack that massive sad/angry face for disappointing customer service! 😉

…before breezing through security and baggage within about 20 minutes. 😁

“We boarded the plane and felt like we had left all of our worries and sadness on British tarmac.”

The last time we flew I was pregnant and hated flying. Luna would wriggle around non stop and as the plane was moving aswell, I just felt so sick.

I was also unable to relax the whole way because I had the extra pressure of having to protect my little bump in case anything happened…

As we floated through the skies I peeped out of the window (before Ryan shut the blind and used it as a pillow) and took in the most beautiful scenery.

I know most people have that moment, admiring the view and seeing its beauty but for me I just felt weird. It was just a crazy moment where I thought, why on Earth has this happened, how has life let this happen, clouds can float in the sky against gravity for f**ks sake yet having a stillborn baby without any signs (and at home), is even more rare than a f**king aeroplane crashing… like what the f**k.

And then I quickly looked away from window as I am so god dam f**king petrified of heights and falling! 🙈

“In this moment I knew I wouldn’t ever get the answer to my question. I have to just accept that it is, what it is.”

We landed at Paphos and the plane doors opened. We were greeted with the warm air smacking us in the face immediately.

It was heaven.

Within seconds our moods had transformed. We were excited, carefree and genuinely happy.

“The sun being the amazing healer of endorphin loving that it is, gave us the idea for Luna’s Legacy; a retreat in the sun for bereaved families.”

We were met by our mate Demitris (what a cutie) and driven to our hotel.

I was overjoyed with the sign he held (it doesn’t take much to excite me 🙈) and he drove us to the hotel.

The hotel was beautiful and we were met by smiley faces and welcome drinks.

…it’s finally time to relax!

We perched on the veranda and took in the beautiful view, the warmth of the sun on our faces and discussed how far we’ve come.

Just 2 months ago we had received the most heartbreaking, life crushing news in the world, yet we’re here.

We’re still breathing, still functioning, still smiling.

We made it.

I also mentally thanked the lord that we made it, and that the luggage made it, oh and that the plane didn’t crash and that the taxi didn’t crash either 🙈 before heading up to our room to unpack.

“At this time, you expect the worst in every situation. Not to be purposefully negative, but to simply protect yourself.”

Yes I’m one of those people, an unpacker!

I have to unpack and hang everything up before exploring. Shoes have to be unpaired and lined up, outfits hung, accessories on the ‘accessory’ table and then I can chill. 😁

We got ready for our first night and I loved nothing more than getting dolled up. Ry was testing the gym equipment so I wanted to have a head start (takes me a while 😁) to wow him for his return.

For the previous 6 weeks I’d looked something short of a saggy boy tit, blood shot eyed, bloated belly virgin, so the least Ry deserved was to see a resembling version of the woman he agreed to marry.

As I slapped on the tan (yes I have to fake it on holiday 😁) and piled on the make up I finally felt more alive.

“There were no Bridget Jones pants in sight, I had heels to wear, slap on my face, and I began feeling more attractive. I began to feel like me again.”

She’s back.

We went for dinner and the food was just insane. It’s one of the main reasons for choosing Cyprus as our wedding location.

I’ve never tasted anything like it and they were even able to accommodate Ryan’s allergies (nuts, pulses and peas, yes peas, like birds eye f**king garden peas 😂) and he didn’t even moan! Not once.

WHAT A F**KING MIRACLE!

We finished dinner at what Ryan called the nursing home (scroll down and you will see why) before heading out for an evening stroll.

*Looks ahead*

My view: 😍

*Turns head to the right*

Also my view: 😂

*Looks down*

Ah it’s Saint: 😂

When I looked to the right I thought to myself, why the f**k was I EVER worried or conscious about going on holiday.

For f**ks sake Aimee, it’s like dining with your Nan and Grandad!

We were certainly the youngest there by about 50 years. 😁

We finished eating as much as humanly possible and headed out to explore the hotel and the harbour.

As we stepped outside, the whole pool was lit up, not only by the spotlights, but by the moon.

There she was, our moon goddess! Or should I say ‘super moon’ goddess for this night.

It was true, there is only one moon and you can see it abroad! 😁

“Shining down on us was the biggest, brightest, most beautiful moon I have ever seen in my life. It was magical.”

We were completely mesmerised and it was so comforting. I felt for the very first time that she was genuinely with us.

She had come on holiday! ❤️ So a family selfie was an absolute must have.

“I embraced the alone time we had together. It felt like we had rewinded to our very first years; no worries, no stress, no sadness, just love and laughter.”

The moon never looks good in photos, it only ever looks like a shiny lamppost light! 🙈

Our days were filled with wedding planner appointments, lunch dates and poolside reading, while the evenings were filled with sex on the beach (just the cocktails guys 😁), demolishing unlimited amounts of Greek food, and romantic strolls along the promenade to watch the sunset.

I’m even making myself jealous as I type and insert photos! It was just amazing. 😩

Yes I had those sex on the beaches every friken night 😍!

Today’s the day…

Our first (and favourite, and final) wedding venue visit!

It was the day we were visiting my favourite hotel to see if this would be the location for our special day.

I was so excited, I had pictured it perfectly in my mind from the countless hours I had spent staring at the brochure photos and 3D tour of the hotel. 😁

We were greeted by Martina, our (my) wedding planner for a tour and a discussion. Her office was every woman’s dream and wasn’t really an office as we know it, it was pure heaven!

“Within an hour we had booked it there and then. It was even more than I could have dreamt of.” 😍

Martina was like a Cypriot version of me. Without selling myself here 🙈 …she was young, smiley, funny, and just nice in general.

She wore a trouser suit and heels (she said she was freezing as it’s their winter, even though we were in shorts and a dress and it was 23 degrees 😁) and her phone was glued to her palm to jot down my ideas, requirements and expectations for the day.

We clicked instantly, I felt like I’ve known her before (love that when meeting people) and her efficiency and knowledge was impeccable.

The extra decider was that she could handle Ryan’s questions/interrogation and cheeky ‘what’s your best price’ statement for EVERY SINGLE THING! 😁

Darling we aren’t at a f**king market, we aren’t buying a fake Armani belt here! 😂

I knew that if she could handle and please Princess Ry, she could definitely handle our Princess Luna’s special day.

“We booked it there and then without even looking at the others. I’ve always gone with my gut in life, and believe that when you know, you know. It’s as simple as that.”

When we were shown the venue for the ceremony I could picture our wedding day automatically.

I could picture us having photos, I could picture everybody waiting anxiously to see if I’ll turn up or not (😁 massive LOL I will be sprinting down that isle)…

I could picture our sunset photo shoot, I could picture the beautiful back drop for photos, and most importantly I could picture Ryan histerically crying on his knees preaching to the lord how god dam lucky he is to see me walking in his direction! 😁

“How amazing?! But mid thought I felt uncomfortable with the realisation that my little flower girl wouldn’t be with me.”

“We found a little gem at the harbour which is a roof top terrace. We celebrated securing our venue over chicken kebabs and pitta bread.”

This amazing place fed us 4 out of our 5 lunches. It was that good. The music was perfect, and there was such a good vibe about it. It was like Ibiza pool vibes.

By the last day we were rewarded for being such regulars with free drinks and shots 😁 but we loved going there simply to enjoy not only the food, but the view.

“It was a little suntrap where we would bake for hours before exploring the shops and returning to the hotel to eat even more.” 😍

Wherever we go and whatever we do I still can’t believe how much we make each other laugh. I didn’t even need to spend the night watching the entertainment because we had so much fun ourselves.

I never knew how hard getting a ‘Tammy Hembrow being held round Reece’s waist’ photo would be but f**k me, HI – F**KING – LARIOUS! 😂

For those who don’t know what on Earth I’m talking about… this is the example of what we were kind of attempting to achieve:

It ended up being more of an insta vs reality pic instead 😂😂😂

I literally had a daily ab workout by laughing so much. 😍

It was nearly the end of the most magical holiday we will ever treasure for so many reasons. Our spark had been ignited once more and we felt a million times better than we did when we arrived.

We enjoyed the beautiful sunset as we did most nights, but this time with heavy hearts knowing it was our last.

Just as I took this photo, Demitris was patiently waiting to return us to the airport.

Cyprus will always hold a special place in my heart for many reasons. It was the place that helped rebuild our broken selves and delivered hope for our future.

In just 219 days, we will be returning to our favourite place, where I will arrive as a Green and leave as a Conroy.

Finally I will join my best friend and daughter in the Conroy club.

“Our hearts are full, bellies even fuller and mind the fullest; jam packed with new memories.”

The time to return from paradise was now. We had to face our reality; no more running, no more hiding, no more putting things off.

Our sad loss appointment was just a week away. This is where we would find out the results from numerous tests as to what caused Luna to not be here today.

Not only that, it was time to send off Luna’s ashes so they could begin the process to be created into diamonds.

Not long after that, it would be time to return to work.

As we were dropped at the airport, the dread returned, holiday blues had kicked in and our gloomy mood had returned…

“We had exhausted all of our happy things to do and it was time to face the real world head on.”