Giving Hope, Giving Options

It’s Been a Year…and the Lessons Learnt

For you, there’ll be no more crying,
For you, the sun will be shining,
And I feel that when I’m with you,
It’s alright, I know it’s right.

To you, I’ll give the world
To you, I’ll never be cold
‘Cause I feel that when I’m with you,
It’s alright, I know it’s right.

And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.

And I wish you all the love in the world,
But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before.

July 9, 2010 marks a year since Rokiah’s passing.

While it may be convenient to say that words cannot express the feelings, this will not be the case this time. One year is enough time to make an unemotional review of the loss that occurred at 11.20pm, July 9, 2009 in a quiet ward at a specialist hospital in Johor Bahru.

The surgeon who first operated on Rokiah on September 5, 2008, to remove the primary tumor did not do a good job. Hardly six days after this first major operation, the wound started to discharge liquids. This only meant one thing – the wound is not healing, and necessitated a second major operation on September 20. That’s two major operations only two weeks apart. Can any person stricken with 4th stage cancer bounce back from this?

This particular doctor, operating (no pun intended) at Sunway Medical, came highly recommended. As far as colon cancer was concerned, he was considered one of the best in the country. I had suspected for a long time that his skills were not quite up to the mark after the first operation, and now, given enough time to ponder the possibilities, I come to the conclusion that this surgeon botched the operation. Cases of the wound not healing and necessitating a second operation so soon after the first in colon surgeries such as this one is rare, and can even be considered unusual.

Add to this was the fact that in the months to follow, a swelling developed in the same area where the original tumor was, a swelling that keep recurring until Rokiah’s death. It was this swelling, when it broke and pus/fluids/blood discharged, that sent Rokiah in an ambulance to the hospital for the very last time.

I had the opportunity to speak to the Medical Director/Surgeon in the Johor hospital during her admission there and he mentioned something that made sense of what I had been thinking all along. This kind, compassionate head of the hospital said that the recurring swelling (it would form, break open, then form again) is likely a result of some bacteria left in the colon area that was not completely cleaned up during the first operation. Now wouldn’t this be a case of a poorly handled surgery by a not so competent surgeon?

Lesson learnt: Always seek a second, even third opinion. When diagnosing a disease or when choosing a doctor.

I was there throughout Rokiah’s sickness, to witness the suffering and the decline in her health over 12 months. And because of this, a fear of cancer now exists in my mind. Sometimes, when I get a prolonged cough, I half expect to see some blood the next time I cough. And every time I get a discomfort or pain somewhere in my body, I will recall, painfully, what it must have been like to be ill for so long. To have to endure this evil sickness with the thought that the battle against this deadly foe may be a losing one cannot be easy for anyone. I also realize that no matter how much we empathize, we will never know what its really like to suffer from cancer.

If there is a blessing from this, it is the awareness of how important good health is. Health being wealth has new meaning for me. Just being able to sit down and eat a meal is a blessing from God as there are many who cannot eat, let alone enjoy a meal. And good health comes from eating right. I have completely changed my diet, while still staying on the side of sanity, of course. No, I am not a vegan, and no, I do not believe in eating only organic food. But anything that now goes into my mouth has to mentally pass a ‘healthy food check.’ Added to this is a little exercise, exposure to sunlight, one or more ayurvedic practices and avoidance of quite a few goodies. There will be no turning back for me and I urge you to do the same.

Lesson learnt: Appreciate the key role food plays in helping the immune system maintain good health.

Perhaps the most telling lesson for me as far as cancer is concerned is that conventional cancer treatment does not help a cancer patient, especially a patient with advanced cancer. More often than not, it actually speeds up the demise of the patient, and along the way, inflicts more damage and suffering on the patient.

I have also learnt that doctors dealing with cancer see things from only one side, the side that can only offer radiation and chemotherapy as ‘cures.’ They are simply ignorant on other ways and methods to treat the disease. And that the majority of doctors know next to nothing about nutrition and healthy eating. You shouldn’t be surprised actually, because they do not teach doctors nutrition in the majority of medical schools.

I would go as far as to say that the more I read about cancer, the less respect I have for doctors, surgeons and most of all, oncologists. When will they ever see the light?

Lesson learnt: There are other ways to treat cancer. Doctors are not that smart. You may be smarter.

With email being so common today, you may have received one of those emails that tell you to appreciate what you have now, or to smell the roses, or to express your feelings to those close to you before its too late. It is true and we should take heed. Rokiah showed great strength, courage and grace during her time of suffering. I never once heard her complain about her cancer. And she always had a smile on her face, in the face of adversity. She will always be loved, and missed.

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10 Responses

It’s indeed an excellent writeup to commemorate your late beloved wife 1st anniversary. I must commend you for your diligent effort to put all the useful info to your friends and kins on all the research that you have so unselfishly pass on to us and also those that need help on their sickness. I salute you for this gallant effort and community work you are doing right now and may you be blessed with good health and life to continue on this good work of yours.
Best regards,
KY Ng

I agree this was a very well written and heartfelt tribute to your wife. I am so sad when I heard what happened and how poor the operation was. No one will ever know the truth about the competency of the clinical who operated on her on that very day. I also agree that cancer therapy, and chemotherapy/radiation are poor for advanced cancers and cause much harm in terms of side effects. But, do know something…people like myself who are or used to be toiling around in the labs to find better treatment and potential cures (dangerous work to sue) are not simply investigating chemical drugs to make money and to see how we can hurt people. many scientist (not all) and health care professionals do very deeply care about mankind and are trying to help. We are not there yet, and I agree we are far from harnessing natural therapies, for reasons I don’t know. But, keep writing and keep promoting your values and slowly the world will change!
Dr. Chttp://www.cancermadesimple.com

It was you who first rang the alarm bells about this surgeon in Sunway Medical. I took it seriously although at that time, I didn’t quite know what your side of the story was. But of course its done, and we can only look forward…

The schmuck was so smug about his diagnoses. Surgeons cannot be trusted by virtue of their nature of work. They make money by being “Dr Potong” and the first and only thing they recommend is to potong.

Hi, thank you for pointing me to the link. This ‘natural killer’ has been on the internet for quite a while and I have imported Graviola a few years ago for a cancer patient. It did not quite work. I am sure there is some merit in the substance, but like so many such natural cures, it is always key how the protocol is administered. How much do you give to the patient, how often and in what form?