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My BFF and I were talking. She is insistent I leave, asap, wants to drive me out of town and gets angry if I defend xSO to her. She told me she wished there was a way to erase my memories from the past 10 years and make it so that I have no memories of xSO even if it meant we never ended up friends because it hurt her to see me hurting and guilt ridden. I cringed at the thought, and told her it would solve nothing. If I forgot I would just be that person again with someone else because I never would have fixed my broken parts. I told her the fact that there are small details I have remembered but never been able to say drive me insane. XSO asked for no more details a long time ago as he said he didn't need them although i told him to let me know if and when hed ever be ready. We are no longer together and so she feels I need to let it go. I want to and am working through each memory along with the pain from his betrayal every day. It seems to never be enough though, I'm always dragging myself through the days.

As my best friend she calls or texts regularly, more if I slack and don't contact her. I know she cares and the idea is enticing when I am at my lowest but I know such a thing would solve nothing. So what do you guys think? Would anyone here like to have an eraser passed across their memories?

[This message edited by Unagie at 4:52 AM, December 24th (Tuesday)]

Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss

Posts: 2904 | Registered: Oct 2012

SurprisinglyOkay♀ 36684Member # 36684

Posted: 6:41 AM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013

Nope.

I am the sum of my experiences; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Take them away and how would I learn from them?

How would I be able to help others through something similar?

I am where I am today because of my past experiences.
I feel better than ever today, because I fucked up my life so royally, and I have the chance to come out of it and transform into a better person.

I'm glad you have a friend who cares so deeply about you. If she gets too pushy, let her know. Don't let her push you away, we need people in our lives.

If I had a choice I'd rather have a time machine than a memory eraser. I'd give anything to go back and make a different choice, but I never want to forget.

Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier

Posts: 547 | Registered: Jun 2011

Darkness Falls♀ 27879Member # 27879

Posted: 12:30 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013

I second the wish for a time machine.

The memories are very painful. I've made many poor decisions in my life, certainly not limited to cheating. These choices have created scars on my psyche. The memories are that ache you get when you push on the scar, or when the weather changes and a once-broken bone aches.

I would give anything for a do-over. I would choose to do an entire decade of my life differently.

Me: XWS, 33, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 45
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

We remarried in 2014

Formerly heartbroken0903

Posts: 2426 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Central Florida

pointofnoreturn♀ 41034Member # 41034

Posted: 3:10 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013

The sad thing is, a time machine and an eraser are both impossible. I always thought of it like this: I can't change what I did, but I can change the outcome. I can overcome my brokenness. Perhaps I can use what mistake I made to prevent someone else from doing the same. Or maybe I can help others out going what I'm going through.

I don't like what I did. I don't like that BBF has to suffer as an innocent bystander in all this. But I don't want to rugsweep and pretend it never happened again. Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it again.

Me- WGF 22
Him- BBF 21
Ddays:
August 2011
September 26th, 2013

"A lesson is learned. Life is. Simply. There is no Death. There is no Before. There is no After. All is in Flux. Simply."