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What I Learned from Rejections

What is
rejection? Based on my understanding and experience, it’s when wishful thinking
meets reality.

Wishful
thinking:

So, in my minimalistic
head, I have this picture of having a nice outdoor BBQ party with this lady,
the future mother of my kids, and both of our parents also in laws are there too. Kids are
playing around, mothers are busy making the table, the Fathers are cooking
the beef, and all.

Reality:

Then,
boom! She said no for me love, amigo. She might mean “not yet”.. not now. But,
still it’s translated as a rejection.

I feel that I’m on the right party for
being in the ‘wanting’ side instead of the ‘wanted’ one,

I think that I’m better
than the other guy and most essentially,

it hurts so much because I know that I’m
worthy of love.

And, that’s
right. I deserve to be loved. Every one
deserves to be loved.

So, does it
mean that someone who rejects me a bad person? That’s rarely the case.

You know,
no feelings should be forced.

In other context, some
people are rejected by society for having a special need, being kind of different, ill, etc. I think, society in that regard, is utterly awful and that’s so fuckin’ wrong.

In my recent case,
the rejection involves romance. The fact is, it’s every one’s rights to embrace
or reject a love statement of someone. Now, when the answer is a "No", it’s up to me whether or not I want to learn
something from it or get negatively carried away.

I chose the
former. I learned that:

1.
Rejection is an International Affair

It happens everywhere in the world; Addis Ababa, Ulaanbaatar, Jakarta, Pristina, Vilnius,
Riga, São Tomé, Gaborone, Rostock, Basseterre, Bishkek, and wherever… Probably in (you know, some
people will get rejected to enter) the Heaven too.

In a
nutshell, we shouldn’t be exaggerating rejection when it happens to us. Realize
that it could happen to people anywhere, and many of them can get over it just
fine.

It’s
probably hard, but it’s possible.

2. It reminds
me to appreciate what I’m having even more

So my world
fell apart when I got rejected by someone. It happened.

But, I
remembered that I still have family, house to come home to, close friends to have
a conversation with, pets to take care of (and they look after me too), hobbies
to commit to and explore to.

Those
amazing things have given so much to my life. Clearly, it’s unfair and selfish to
overlook those precious things just because of rejections that happened to me.

I’ve
changed my perspective, and will appreciate them even more.

3. It teaches
me not to give up on me

How could I
keep us together, in the future, if I couldn’t even handle myself? I should not give
up on me just like I should not give up on you.

I should not give up on us. That
should be the scenario.

So, if I’m keeping
on consciously overwhelmed, agonized in a sorrow of rejection, this means that I’ve
just proved that I’m not good enough for myself, let alone others.

4. Rejection
makes me a drug maker of me own

I make, if
not looking for, my own medication for my aforementioned terrible circumstances.

I was the
one who's rejected, I was the one experiencing that particular moment with
that particular person, and I had no plenty options. On that note, I should be my own drug maker of my own. Who would want to kindly volunteer, right?

5.
Rejection teaches me not to stop loving myself

I start to
love myself, not in narcissism sense, but in a more appreciative way now. I
start to realize that, well, maybe I’m just okay, not bad, not that ugly, and there
are many aspects of me that can be appreciated too.

I suggest you
do the same too (if you have done it, well that’s great!).

For a person
with quarter-life crisis who is also having an occasional inferiority complex, I
find this step can really be confidence-bloating.

Closing

Some people
may know that I’d been rejected by some junior high school friends, rejected
by the ladies I like all the time (only once in my life that a lady’s feelings
reciprocate to mine and it was amazing), rejected by many companies for a job,
rejected in social media by the Regent of Purwakarta (I got blocked by him), etc.

Everything in life will not always go exactly as I hope.

At some
point, people will get rejected in their life for being whatever,
sooner or later.

That's actually what I try to do on daily basis. Rejections are my inward-looking moments of reflection to get better as a son, brother, friend, professional, and most impotantly, a human. I can only be grateful to be rejected in so many ways as those might be the only effective motivations for me to grow. Thanks for stopping by, Fik!