Friday, April 7, 2017

Blue Language in Space

OK. So I went looking for this after a conversation I had with a friend about the linguistic peculiarities of the show "Firefly." I suppose I should warn the tender-eared about the MATUREIMMATUREcontent of this post. It's pretty rank...

In just 14 episodes, Joss Whedon’s
sci-fi masterpiece Firefly managed to build one of the most devoted
fanbases in all of nerd-dom. Properties like Star Trek or Doctor Who
may have it beat in sheer numbers, but the Browncoats make up for this with
their loyalty and tenacity. What is the secret of the show’s appeal? Fans can
and will explain the show’s engrossing plotlines, fascinating characters,
brilliant performances, realistic effects, and a unique visual aesthetic — but
if we had to choose one reason, it’d be the dialogue.

Whedon created a vision of a human
future where mankind speaks English primarily, with Mandarin Chinese added, as
one might say, for “flavor” (i.e., profanity). Not only did the use of Mandarin
help inform Firefly‘s future setting, it also often allowed the
characters to express themselves in terms too absurd, obscene, or outrageous to
be spoken in English.

Here, then, is a collection of 15 of
Firefly‘s most, well — absurd, obscene, and outrageous lines ever
delivered in Mandarin Chinese. Much thanks to the Firefly-Serenity Chinese Pinyinary for the
translations.

15) Stupid Inbred Stack of Meat

笨天生的一堆肉。・BUN
tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO

On a visit to one of Mal’s old Army
buddies, Monty, on an uninhabited moon, Mal and crew encounter “Saffron”, the
beautiful con-artist who once tricked Mal into marriage, and nearly stole his
ship (played by the absolutely magnificent Christina Hendricks); this time,
she’s taken the name “Bridget” and married Monty. A short tussle ensues between
her and Mal (lucky bastard) which Monty breaks up as Mal explains the details
of their shared history. When Saffron, who had been denying everything, lets it
slip that she knows Mal’s name, Monty abandons her on the barren lunar surface.
She screams this bit of Mandarin to the heavens as his ship departs.

This phrase is also noteworthy for
its use on the back cover of Serenity: The Official Visual Companion,
where Chinese characters inform prospective buyers: “If you don’t buy this
book, your friends will think you’re a stupid inbred stack of meat.”

14) Cow Sucking 吸牛
・
Shee-niou
While helping Simon and River first infiltrate, then escape from, a hospital on
the affluent Alliance core world of Ariel, Jayne relieves a security officer of
his sidearm: a non-lethal sonic rifle.

He proceeds to attempt to use said weapon to blow open a locked door, to absolutely
no discernible effect — thus prompting this response: “吸牛 high-tech Alliance
crap!”

13) A Baboon’s Asshole狒狒的屁眼
・
FAY-FAY duh PEE-yen
During the big, climactic shootout with Niska’s men in “War Stories,” Kaylee
was the only witness to River’s terrifying proficiency with firearms (and her
eerily nonchalant manner after killing three men in as many shots).
Kaylee never said anything, but after River is discovered confusedly
brandishing a loaded pistol, she fesses up and tells the crew what she saw that
day.

Jayne is understandably reluctant to accept Kaylee’s version of these
events, and expresses his incredulity by referencing primate orifices.

Cow sucking and baboon assholes: We love Jayne.

12) Extraordinarily Impatient Buddha真沒耐性的佛祖
・
Jen mei NAI-shing duh FWO-tzoo
Inara enlists the aid of the Serenity crew when a wealthy, evil douchenozzle
(one of the numerous wealthy, evil douchenozzles who populate the Firefly
universe) threatens a brothel run by her old friend Nandi (the lovely Melinda
Clarke).

Anyhoo, Nandi and Mal start getting cozy during their preparations for the
coming battle, and after examining her impressive guns (insert pun here) they
engage in a little pre-firefight bedsport.
Nandi uses this phrase immediately prior to giving Mal a yard of tongue.

From what we have come to understand, the phrase is supposed to express
Nandi’s frustration with Mal’s gentlemanly attitude. Apparently, the Captain
had the Madam quite hot and bothered — and she grew all the more bothered the
longer he took to make his move.

We don’t quite get how describing an Asian religious icon’s lack of patience
is supposed to make for good pillow talk, but spoken in a husky whisper by the
likes of Melinda Clarke, we figure a page from the phone book would probably
sound erotic.

11) Dog Fucking狗操的
・
Go tsao de
More words of wisdom from the inimitable Jayne.

When Mal and Zoe get delayed during a train job, Wash refuses to proceed to
the scheduled rendezvous point where they would meet up with Adelai Niska, the
arch-criminal who hired them (yeah, another wealthy, evil douchenozzle — but
this one’s Czech).

Jayne takes exception to this change of plans, and demands to know why
they’re not on their way to the “狗操的 rendezvous point” as he so
eloquently puts it.

10) Panda Piss熊貓尿
・
Shiong mao niao
The Canton settlement on Higgins’ Moon is populated by “Mudders” — indentured
peasants who harvest mud from the bogs for processing into ceramics.

Their drink of choice is a concoction called “Mudder’s Milk”, a fermented
beverage similar to beer with enough protein, vitamins, and carbs to keep the
workers nourished, and enough alcohol to incapacitate them at night.
When our intrepid crew pays a visit to Canton on a job, Jayne is recognized by
the townsfolk — who due to a complex set of circumstances erroneously believe
him to be a hero (they built a statue in his honor and everything).

It’s at the local tavern where Jayne is outed by the Mudders, and once they
ascertain his identity, the bartender yanks the bottle of “Milk” out of Jayne’s
hand, refusing to let the Hero of Canton drink that “熊貓尿” and pours him a glass
of the best whiskey in the house (given the overall condition of the
establishment, we assume that “best” is extremely relative).

9) Frog-Humping Son of a Bitch青蛙操的流氓
・
Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng
Simon plans a heist on a core world hospital as payment for the crew getting
him and River access to equipment that may help Simon determine what the
Alliance did to her.

To pull it off, Mal, Jayne, and Zoe have to pose as EMTs. To make the ruse
believable, Simon gives them a crash course in medical lingo.

Mal finds this task rather challenging and uses this colorful phrase to
express his frustration.

8) Stupid Son of a Drooling Whore and a
Monkey流口水的婊子和猴子的笨兒子
・
Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze
River’s having a bad day and she’s understandably reluctant to allow Simon to
take her to the Infirmary, given her past experience with medical facilities.

After her refusal, Simon attempts to calm her with a sedative from his kit,
which she relieves him of and tosses across the room, nearly hitting a rather
perturbed Mal. For no particular reason, she babbles out these lines.

7) Have a Shit-Throwing Contest with a
Monkey跟猴子比丟屎
・
Gun HOE-tze bee DIO-se
Another gem from the episode “Heart of Gold.”

When Nandi calls on Inara to ask for aid in repelling Rance Burgess, the
aforementioned wealthy, evil douchenozzle, we learn that she and Inara trained
together at the same Companion House, but Nandi was expelled and Inara was
ordered to shun her.

Nandi reminds Inara of this fact — in response, Inara offers this
constructive suggestion of what the House could do instead of telling her whom
she can or cannot associate with.

6) Filthy Fornicators of Livestock喝畜生雜交的髒貨
・
Huh choo-shung tza-jiao duh tzang-huo
As a clergyman, Shepherd Book is usually denied the use of the kind of
innovative vulgarity the rest of the crew enjoys. Sometimes, however, a
particular sight inspires even a man of the cloth to throw down with the best
obscenity slingers.

Book offers this exclamation in response to crime boss Adelai Niska’s
reprehensible act of sending the Serenity’s crew their kidnapped Captain’s
severed ear.

Fun fact: the Firefly-Serenity Pinyinary offers translations of not only the
entire phrase, but of the component words. We mention this in case anyone might
be wondering if this translation is simply a more polite way of saying “Dirty
Cow Fuckers”.

It isn’t. Foreign languages are fun, huh?

5) Motherless Goats of All Motherless
Goats羔羊中的孤羊
・
Gao yang jong duh goo yang
Another slice of pure Mandarin what-the-fuckery, this time from Wash, who has
the honor of delivering some of the most outrageous Chinese dialogue this side
of a Beijing mental hospital.

Wash mutters this under his breath when he learns that Magistrate Higgins
has put a landlock on the ship — his consternation doesn’t last long, for only
a moment after noticing the lock, it was removed.

Only Inara knows why (she was hired to deflower the Magistrate’s son, and
accomplished making a man of him a bit too well for the senior Higgins’
liking).

4) Holy Mother of God and All Her Wacky
Nephews我的媽和她的瘋狂的外甥都
・
Wuh duh ma huh tah duh fong kwong duh wai shung
This may be the most awesome phrase we’ve ever heard in any language; only its
lack of vulgarity kept it from breaking the Top Three.

Once again, it issues forth from the mouth of Wash. In “Our Mrs. Reynolds,”
we first encounter the deliciously devious ginger con-babe, Saffron. After
leading Mal to the “Special Hell”, she proceeds to the cockpit where she puts
the moves on poor Wash. Only his devotion to Zoe keeps him from succumbing to
Saffron’s charms — devotion that earns him a roundhouse kick to the head. This
marvelous line is his singular response to Saffron’s advances.

3) Shove All the Planets in the Universe
Up my Ass太空所有的星球塞盡我的屁股
・
Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo
More magic from the loquacious Wash, who is growing jealous of the bond between
Mal and his wife, Zoe — forged during their years in the war and the jobs
they’ve pulled together.

It’s right after the Ariel heist, and the crew is enjoying the fruits of a
profitable take. Wash thinks he had a better idea on how they could have
unloaded their goods, and when he asks Zoe what she thought of his notion, she
parrots Mal’s rejection.
Wash’s frustration culminates in this off-color outburst.

Our penultimate entry is delivered by Mal, and once again, it draws its
inspiration from the influence of Saffron.
When Mal makes it clear that he’s not interested in the accidental bond of
wedlock he wound up in, Jayne, paragon of chivalry that he is, offers a
perfectly reasonable deal.

Jayne presents his most prized possession–a Callahan full-bore auto lock
rifle with a customized trigger and double cartridge thorough-gage. He proposes
an even swap, which by Jayne’s reasoning is more than fair.

This statement is Mal’s assessment of Jayne’s proposal, and really, who
hasn’t referenced explosive pachyderm feces when expressing complete
incredulity? Happens to us all the time.

1) Holy Testicle Tuesday神聖的睾丸
・
Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN

This is one of the shortest phrases on the list, but makes up for word count
with sheer outrageousness.
Remember, these phrases are originally composed in English (though the idea
that they pick random Mandarin phrases with no notion of what they mean is
quite amusing, and not difficult to believe). Therefore, Ben Edlund and Jose
Molina, the writers of this episode, had to go to the show’s translator, Jenny
Lynn, and ask her how to say: “Holy Testicle Tuesday!” in Mandarin Chinese.
Damn, we’d kill for a job like that!

As for context — once again, Saffron brings out the most bizarre vulgarities
imaginable in the Serenity crew:
Mal and Saffron break into the palatial estate of Durran Haymer, an Alliance
officer with an incredible collection of priceless antiques from “Earth That
Was”.

These three words (or four in Pinyin) are how Mal chooses to express the
impressiveness of Haymer’s knick-knacks.

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About Me

This is a blog about what interests me. Here you will find stories on animals, including animal rights material, cute stuff, and random informative posts about weird, beautiful and interesting creatures. Horses, Spotted Hyenas, and Border Collies will make regular appearances.
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There will be rants. It's an election year, and I am beginning to have a political dimension to my personality. I am also horrified at the level of injustice and violence visited upon people here in the US and elsewhere - particularly against people of color, immigrants, and the LGBT community. Some of these stories will be very hard to read, but I believe we must read them to keep ourselves mindful of the racist and vicious things that happen every day, to speak out when we see discrimination, and root out its evil from ourselves.