(Closed) Walked after 4.5 years.

Last Sunday I asked my SO to stay at his Mums for a few days so we could have some time to think about what we want from life

After over 5 years of friendship, 4.5 years together and 16 months of living with each other I realised that thepromised he made me were indeed lies and it became obvious that we wanted different things.

After a discussion on Wednesday night where he said he basically just wants to play playstaion all day long as opposed to me wanting to get married, buy a house and have a family, I told him it was over.

I’m gutted, it was hard. There were tears all round but it needed to be done.I am never going to find my prince charming if i am stuck in a relationship with someone who ddoesn’t even act like a man.

Yesterday he moved his things out. Watching him say goodbye to the cats and me saying goodbye to his parents really hurt but I have to keep telling myself it is for the best.

So any kind words or wisdom from you bees would be muchly appreciated at this time.

@MsBeer: I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Stay strong because you are doing the right thing! You need to make yourself available for someone who is ready to commit and wants the same things as you. I know how hard it is to walk away from someone you love when you still love them but trust me, it gets easier when you start to realize how many new exciting opportunities you have opened yourself up to. Take some time and pamper yoruself! That always helps me. Go shopping, get your hair highlighted, nails done, or even get a puppy (I did that once after a break up too lol).

@MsBeer: Sorry to hear it came to that point. But you need to do what is best for you. Now is the time to focus on yourself, do things you always wanted to but haven’t had the chance, get together with friends, have you time. It is hard now, but things will get better!

@MsBeer: I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s never easy ending something that was meaningful and long term. I’m not exactly an expert on relationships, but the best advice I can give you is to try and see the good. Because I bet 5 years from now, you’ll look back on this moment and realize there’s actually good in goodbye. It’s better knowing now (then when you’re married) and realizing what you two want are too different to be truly happy together.

5 years ago, I said goodbye to my ex of 3 years for the exact same reasons, and it killed me inside. Then I met FI and I wouldn’t take anything back because it made me realize what I DO want in life. It also made me realize every feeling I had felt for my ex was 100 times stronger with FI. And that’s a wonderful feeling!

I was engaged when I was 23 and my FI at the time promised me the world but when it came down to set a wedding date he couldn’t commit! I was with him until the age of 26, a year after we agreed on getting married and I am glad I left him because he now has a live in gf who he hasn’t proposed to, so I am glad I didn’t waste my time! This time will be hard but you did the right thing, your ex seems very immature!

Your future is worth this period of heartache, stress and discomfort. You are giving yourself permission to have a better life and a greater love. I have certainly been where you are, and I look back and thank myself every day for taking the harder road for a bit, because it has given me more than I had ever hoped for.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like you made the right decision. It will get easier with time. For now spend some time with your family and friends. They can remind you of the wonderful, amazing person you are. Best of luck!

Sending you big hugs. I’m sorry you are going through this but truly believe you have made the right decision for yourself. Good on you for being so strong and deciding to make this big big change. I can only hope you will have many family and friends who love you around to support you. All the best you strong amazing lady!

@NightOwl27: Thank you, and yes it is exciting to know that hopefully one day I will find someone else. I have treated myself to a few “girly” things for my flat, so it is now MY flat rather than our flat, if you know what I mean. It has made me feel a lot more positive about living on my own again.

@REchick: My friends, family and work colleagues have all been amazing. They are all keeping me busy which is brilliant. It will be nice to spend more time with them.

@Scorpio88: You are so right, this is what I told myself. I said, in 5 years time I am going to look back and realise I made the right decision, even though it sucks now. I am really happy for how things ended up for you and I hope that the same happens for me one day.

@MRS-K: Incredibly so, and it was very tiring. He just didn’t want to grow up and at nearly 29, I am ready.

@Olivepepper: Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, this time will be rubbish but I need to remember not to look back.

@AlwaysSunny: You are right, my friends and family have done a very good job at peppin’ me up and reminding me there is nothing bloody wrong with me, I just fell for someone who doesn’t want to grow up.

@prahajess: Yes, this was really upsetting. My boy cat was always mine but we got another cat together. He will miss them but luckily didn’t give me any crap about them staying with me. I may have actuially killed him at this point. It was very sad, he was crying whilst cuddling them, It made me feel so bad, but at the end of the day, he chose to not want a life with me.

@Charbelle: Thank you so much, I need to keep trying to remember to be proud of what I have done, it was so hard when I was packing up his stuff but it really is for the best. I derserve someone amazing who wants nothing more than to share the life I want.

THANK YOU to all of you. Your messages have really helped me this morning.

It takes a lot of courage to make such a decision. Be proud to have been able to take action and control of your own life and future. Like another bee said, you’ll look back someday and me grateful to have taken that step. You will grow and learn from these hard times.

I was once the one in your situation and I thank myself everyday for getting out of that relatioship. Otherwise would’nt have met SO…

It won’t be 5 yrs before you can look back & realize you did the right thing. It’s going to hurt for awhile & you will miss him, but it won’t be long before you also feel relief at unloading that boat anchor.

It sounds like you’re doing everything exactly right–keep reaching out for support.

You will be so happy and proud of yourself for doing this when you find your husband! You go girl. There are just too many fish in the sea to settle! Take time to heal and really think through what kind of man you want- write it out even. Then just work on getting yourself happy and healthy and keep your eyes in tunnel vision- considering only men inline with what you need in a husband! You can do it- it’ll all work out just keep putting one foot in front of the other! xx

@MsBeer: You’re doing the right thing, no matter how hard it feels. He could have taken this as a moment to wake up and realize what he needs to do to keep you, but instead he just walked out with his tail between his legs. You deserve, and will find, much better. 🙂