Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

(I am at a school fund raising fair. At one table they are selling books and they have a category of ‘mystery books’ where the books are wrapped so you can’t see what you were getting until after you had paid your dollar. I am standing beside the table when I hear a voice:)

Customer: “Oh, jeeze!”

(Looking over, I saw a teenage boy holding a mystery book that he had just bought and opened. The title of the book was ‘Girls in Love.’)

(I work for a catalogue company and I’ve just finished taking an order over the phone. I know that each catalogue comes with a unique discount code that gives substantial savings. The customer hasn’t quoted her discount code. I decide to prompt her, so she doesn’t miss out.)

Me: “I notice that you’re ordering from the spring catalogue. You should have a discount code on the front page.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Great. Could you give me the number?”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “The six-digit discount code number?”

Customer: “The ‘discount’ what?”

(She doesn’t seem hard of hearing and we both have the same regional accent, but I speak louder and slower, just in case.)

Me: “Discount NUMBER.”

Customer: “The what-number?”

Me: “The DISCOUNT NUMBER.”

Customer: “Where is it?”

Me: “On the front of the catalogue.”

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “It’s at the very top of the page.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Along the top of the front page, in a white box.”

Customer:*pause* “15% off.”

Me:*finally getting somewhere* “Great! Now, if you could give me the six-digit code number at the end of that sentence.”

Customer: “It says I get ‘15% off.'”

Me: “Okay, no problem. I just need the six-digit discount code so my computer will make the reduction.”

Customer: “There’s nothing else here.”

Me: “That’s odd. Can you read to me exactly what it says?”

Customer: “To get 15% off” *stops*

Me: “Carry on…”

Customer: “Please quote… oh! It says here ‘DISCOUNT CODE.’ Is that what you wanted?”

Me: “Yes please.”

Customer: “So, have I got my discount?”

Me: “Sure, if you give me the six-digit discount code.”

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “Could you read the full sentence to me?”

Customer: “15% off.”

Me: “Okay, could you read all of it to me? Including the bits before and after the ‘15% off.””

Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for a specific book to help my children deal with the death of a pet.”

Me: All right. Can you give me the title or author?

Caller: “Oh, I don’t remember it. But I’ve purchased copies from your store before. I know you have it!”

(I search for at least fifteen minutes; using every variant on the phrase ‘death of a pet’ I can think of. The customer alternates between telling me about her poor sick dog, insisting that she’s purchased it here before, and that I really should know about it. Finally, I find the book she wants.)

Customer: “Thank you! That wasn’t all that hard, now, was it?”

Me: “All right, ma’am. I’m afraid we do not have this book in the store right now. I’ll happily order you a copy—”

Customer: “When will it get here?”

Me: “Three to five business days.”

Customer: “But she’s being put down tomorrow! I was counting on you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but this is the best I can do, unless you want to order the book from our website yourself and pay extra for overnight shipping.”

Customer: “… You know what? Never mind. I’ll just tell the kids she went to live on a farm, and tell them the truth in a few years.” *click*