Bill Nguyen Consults With Super Friends at the Hall of Justice, Saves WOXY

WOXY has all kinds of good karma. It must be in the radio waves. Oh wait, I mean, the internet tubes. Or whatever. As you may remember, just two years ago, the Cincinnati-based station ceased its broadcast on the FM dial. A couple of anonymous investors stepped up to the plate in the 12th hour to launch what would become a popular online station. Well, just last month, it looked like WOXY would finally come to an end due to a lack of revenue. But days later, once again, there was a glimmer of hope — entrepreneur Bill Nguyen posted a message on the heavily trafficked WOXY message board about his desire to "save the station." While it was originally believed to be a cruel tease, within days, Nguyen was in Cincinnati where he met with WOXY staff members, anonymous investers, and many of the station's listeners.

According to the Cincinnati Enquirer, Nguyen's plan is to not only invest $5 to 10 million into WOXY in order to keep the station's headquarters in Cincinnati, but also to set up studios in San Francisco and other cities for live performances. Additionally, Nguyen intends to improve the quality of the broadcast and make it free for all listeners once again. He wants to give full editorial control to the station's DJs, as well as give listeners the chance to create their own radio shows that they can share with other listeners.

"What we want to do is give radio back to the listeners," The Cincinnati Enquirer quoted Nguyen.

If Nguyen's name sounds familiar, it should. He is behind LaLa.com, a fledgling online cd-trading service. The user-friendly service allows members to list CDs they have and CDs they want. Each CD sent to you off your "want list" costs you $1.75. Simple enough, eh? The site also recently launched a music store, which WOXY listeners will have access to, as well.

Witnesses of Nguyen's visit to Cincinnati remarked that he wore blue tights and a red cape. They figured it was probably best to just keep quiet about it, though. Afterall, he had no super powers. Just keen business sense and the bank to make things happen. Kinda like Batman.

Re: Brainstorm promo ideas for My Morning Jacket's just released double-disc live CD, Okonokos and forthcoming DVD, Okonokos, out October 31. (We must remember that these are two separate products).

- Put every CD (except MMJ) in wrong place at your local Big Box store- Profile in Facial vs. Head Hair Magazine- Fly a bunch of bloggers out to wine & dine them, then let them experience MMJ live in hi-tech theatre (the Zune effect)- Get band own reality/prank show, titled MM Jack't- Pizza party- Give away free reverb with every purchase- Make sure articles written about band contain sub-Cracked style jokes- Fall Tour:

Once, when I was a little child, I used to have terrible obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I couldn't wear any shirts with tags, I had to have long socks and have them pulled all the way up at all times, I wouldn't eat any types of cheese until I became a teenager, and I constantly winked one eye. The eye-winking twitch presented a unique problem.

I was really just a superficially confident, yet inwardly insecure high school student who loved talking to people, especially girls. But because of my twitch, any girl I tried talking to would immediately stop talking to me because they'd assume that I only wanted to get in their pants. I tried explaining, "It's not my fault, I swear! I have this tic where I have to wink one eye so that it catches up and feels like it is equal in amount of blinks with the other eye because I'm obsessive-compulsive!" But no one would listen. It was somewhat pitiful, actually. (It's not like I'm self-pitying or anything.) I only wanted to have lots of friends and just as many girls-who-are-friends. I didn't want to get into a relationship or anything because truthfully, the idea of a relationship with an attractive female is superior to the reality of said relationship. But girls didn't understand. They would try to fit me into their stereotype of what a horny teenage male was like. They assumed I wanted to use them to get off, but I was a sensitive boy with emotional needs. They didn't understand that simply romanticizing what an intimate relationship would be like was enough for me. Also, masturbating — preferably while imagining this emotionally complex, cherished, and hopelessly romantic connection with the girls who wouldn't be my friends.

In other news, Popfest! New England 2006 is taking place this year from Friday, October 6 to Sunday, October 8 in Northampton, MA. All shows are taking place at The Elevens, sadly a 21+ venue that won't let all you other hopelessly romantic teenage masturbators in the door. A one-day pass will cost you $10, while a three-day pass will cost, surprisingly, $30. Wow. A total of 26 cutesy, loving twee, cuddlecore, dancelove, artkiss, pre-fuck, post-relationship bands will help you get over your dating woes and social awkwardness in a weekend of pure joy.

I know I’ve got my work cut out for me if I’m gonna defend this year's Flaming Lips album, At War With the Mystics [TMT Review] in any way, shape, or form, but hey, I’m a wild and crazy girl! I got in a few tangles over this disc, but I stand my ground: “Vein of Stars” is a silvery little piece of heaven and when these jams aren’t making me do a little Steve Zissou dance, they’re knocking me flat with their spaced-out beauty. Hey! Stop saying how much it sucks! Every time you state your case, the more I'll punch you in the face!

So, here’s the part where you make pretty and sit nervously in your pink bedroom. Yes sir, the Lips are puckering up, politely ringing the doorbell, and presenting you with a jacked-up edition of At War With the Mystics. Not only do they hold the door for you, but they slip you sweet outtakes like "Why Does It End?," "You've Got To Hold On," "Your Face Can Tell the Future," "The Gold in the Mountain of Our Madness," "Time Travel?? Yes!!" and a cover of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." Okay, you’re totally crushin’ by now, but what if they throw in some live radio tracks, like a mashup of Sonic Youth's "Unmade Bed" and Led Zeppelin's "No Quarter”? Oh baby, it’s on.

Throw in a DVD disc of music videos and a clip of Wayne Coyne’s 2006 commencement address for his former high school, and you’ll be out for ice cream sodas in no time. Yes, you’re in love now (as you rightfully should be) and no, you don’t need to thank me. Just send me flowers of gratitude on October 24.

Using words from a statement posted on the band's website, I will try to convey a secret message to the masses.1

Tendonitis

On2

United States of America

Rest

Can see3

Apologies

Next given opportunity

Cancel

Enable4

Left wrist

Late stage

Edyh, yarrb5, 6

Development

1. Kind of gimmicky, I know.2. Man, I am already stretching, and I'm only on the second letter3. They all can't make sense.4. Weak!5. Has Tendonitis and the tour is cancelled.6. Inverted names, double weak!!

It is always like McDonald's to do some hardcore experimenting. I recall the excitement when the first ever "McDiner" opened in our small town of Kokomo, Indiana. Everywhere one would go, they would hear immense gossip like, "Are they really going to have diner food at McDonald's?" You bet your silly ass they did. They had some of the best mashed potatoes I had ever tasted. And you haven't lived my friend until you have had a McSteak or a McLobster. Yeah, we were all putting on the ritz and having the time of our lives until the inevitable occurred. The experiment failed, and all stupid ideas must come to an end eventually.

This brings me to McDonald's current experiment in Schaumburg, Illinois, at its Woodfield Mall location where an in-store media concept is being trialed. Thanks to Akoo, the experiment will allow any poor sap to play his/her music of choice in a designated area of the restaurant using a mobile phone, laptop, WiFi-enabled device, or telepathy. Someone who gets paid way too much to come up with these things is dubbing the concept, m-Venue. The catch is that the customer will be lucky enough to skim through a "vast" selection of on-demand music and video content offered from Sony BMG Music Entertainment, Universal Music Group, and others with the grand opportunity to "pay to play."

Of course, the concept is meant to be like a jukebox of the future. But let's face the fact that some douche will ruin this. And I'm not implying that the concept isn't already a shit-in-the-pants waiting to happen, but maybe it could have been "neato." This further brings me back to my glory hole days — um, glory days — when I went to a little Italian establishment with one lone jukebox. I felt the Holy Ghost spring through my entire body once I noticed the jukebox sign, "$20 for 100 plays." I thought that it had to be some sort of mistake, but it was as if God lowered his hairy right hand from the heavens to hand me a $20 bill and whisper into my ear, Go ahead, Greg. Play "Skat Man" 100 times! And so "Skat Man" became the anthem of the night until the place got robbed later that evening. One lady got shot in the arm. I shit you not. She messed up my order though.

My point, if there is a point to all of this, is that someone will easily play "Sweet Home Alabama" a dozen times and hog the technology just as Fonzie did. John O'Keefe, owner and Mayor McCheese of Shaumburg, claims that since the opening of m-Venue the restaurant's sales have risen 17% compared to sales from last year. So does this mean that e-Venue is a success? With ten multimedia flat-panel screens, one may infer this concept to drive novelty appeal until people stop caring, and then the realization of wasted money occurs. I'm not trying to be biased here. I am just speaking from experience. Another crazy concept would be to have live music at McDonald's. But who would really want to listen to other peoples' crap? I'm just going to stay happy with my Café McDonald's that has a piano that plays by itself. I fucking love that piano.