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Monday, July 27, 2009

Uh... What did she just say was in his hair??

Here is a Post I Didn't Post from April. The reason I didn't share it before is because it's disgusting, and my blog isn't about disgusting things. At least it WASN'T about disgusting things. Past tense.

I apologize to my kids, reading this in the future, because nothing on the internet ever goes away, and Mommybloggers are setting their kids up for ridicule and shame, and don't I know boundaries? I put it in a different color though, so that means it's practically invisible.

Lennon got a bloody nose this morning, and then Harrison pooped during a changing. Both happened on my side of the bed. I would like a new mattress.

Later this morning I grabbed what I thought was a booger from my baby's hair. I wiped it off onto a tissue, and went on my way. Boogers are gross, and I planned to wash my hands before going into the kitchen, but boogers aren't a Rush To The Sink kind of deal. Admit it, as long as the boogers are yours or your baby's, they're not that big a deal. Poop, however, is, and after a minute or two of trying to place That Smell, I realized that I shouldn't write off brownish-green gooey stuff in my son's hair so quickly as mucus.

I gave Harrison Fruit Loops for the first time yesterday. He loved them, just a little too much, and the bowl was quickly emptied. Then he went looking for something else to eat. He found it in a piece of string cheese under his high chair, which he placed in his mouth, decided he didn't like, and spit it out, causing a gag reflex that brought up an entire bowl of Fruit Loops. Fruit Loops don't taste good to any of us anymore.

Lennon farted on my hand when I was trying to help her do a cartwheel. The heat was a little off-putting.

7 comments:

My son was starting to potty train, so he was 2.5 or so. We had in our house a small "ball pit" kind of toy, like you find at Peter Piper or whatever, but much smaller. (This was when we had less people and consequently more space in our house).

Anyway, he was playing naked in the ball pit. I know, you're thinking, maybe not such a good idea there. But I potty train my kids by leaving them naked, and it works really well, and potty training sucks so I do it however works best and fastest even if it means mopping up a pee puddle now and again.

So, naked in the ball pit. I'm doing whatever I'm doing in the kitchen a few feet away. Life is going fine. Then I notice that Dev has sort of frozen in place, a look of intense concentration on his face. This is bad, very bad.

I watch for a second - just a second - and I see the poop start to emerge. I have to make an instantaneous decision: do I leap across the room This Instant and attempt to catch him in mid-act? Or do I want to let nature run its course and then either a) sanitize every one of hundreds of plastic balls in this toy or b) throw the whole thing away?

So, the short version is, I ran across the room, knelt beside him, and caught his turd in my bare hand. It was disgusting, to be sure, but I think it was the better option. Momentary indignity to save myself the bother of scrubbing all those little balls with bleach water and a toothbrush later.

So, there you have it. Beat that, if you can! Kids are gross, no doubt about it.

This morning I let my son stand in the shower. Then he pooped. A lot. Gag. I cleaned it up then washed my hands 3 times. But the memory lingers. Like these will. Forever. I think when I die, I will think about the feel of poop on my hands.

That's gross. You had it coming out of all ends. Rachel, that was the best story. Most of my gross stories involve my kids doing gross things to OTHER people, not me. No wonder no one ever comes to visit. The internet is so much safer.

I am so glad that your house makes mine look normal.BTW - Ephraim thinks there is nothing funnier than to fart on someone on purpose, so he has been doing that for about a month. I am thinking about donating him to DI.

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About the Blogger

Mom to two of the most adorable kids named after Beatles, wife to a frustratingly-talented musician stuck in a suit and tie, sister to the biggest bunch of head cases you'll never meet, daughter to a genius and a saint, and friend to all. Legally blind, Certifiably bipolar, and Undeniably oversharing, the only question left to ask is, Why wouldn't you be reading this?