Spoof news stories from Monday 10 October 2011

Something of a kerfuffle has erupted across Europe recently after little Alfie B. Chapman took a tumble during an overly competitive game of 'tag' in the back yard of friend and neighbor Deirdre E. Findlay.
It seems that during a rather enthusiast...

LOS GATOS, Calif.--Only in America can someone who has seriously screwed up a company in the last three months put a spin on things and get even richer.
Netflix CEO, Reed Hastings, whose sanity many have questioned in recent months, has released a...

London - Did the Illuminati's West End fun spot finance hotels and flights used by the buffoonish twerp on his Foxy foreign jollies?
Reports this evening say the Club's credit card statements show uninhibited plastic bashing by the VIP cardholder...

Considered one of the greatest fights of 20th century boxing, the Thrilla in Manila between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier for the Heavy Weight Boxing Championship of the World, was fought in Quezon City, Philippines on October 1, 1975.
The bout was...

President Obama canceled a joint session of congress for a Republican debate, so Dancing With The Stars will go black on Tuesday for Tuesday's debate.
Nancy Grace call this change "evil" insisting that she was all set to perform Swan Lake, (tutu a...

Vatican City-- Pope Benedict XVI has issued a Papal Bull declaring that space aliens are evil, and they should be avoided by Roman Catholics. The declaration is the most important document from the Church in many years. The Vatican is especially c...

Infamous fraudster and phoney patrician "Lord" Fat Eddie has been sentenced to seven years in the nick after swindling the government of Sierra Leone out of £4.5 MILLION pounds worth of beef.
Judge Peter Tesla, sentencing, called it a "Devious and...

New York City - In an unprecedented reversal, the Nobel Prize Committee has revoked its Economic Science Prize, recently handed to two American professors, and has re-awarded it to the Occupy Wall Street movement.
"Economics has been called 'the d...

Fit-as-a-butcher's-dog TV cook Lorraine Pascale has been urged to "beef it up" on her new show.
The former model, who was introduced to TV audiences last year with a series about baking, now has Home Cooking Made Simple airing on BBC.
But the n...

After twenty-three years of performing the first act for Americans in the National Football League's most popular game of the week, Monday Night Football, reality-famous equivalent Hank Williams Jr. has written his last country music record for ESPN,...

The makers of TV talent show "Britain's Chavs Will Attempt to Entertain You" were shocked when it was revealed that the winner of this year's contest was a serial killer who carried out murders on live television.
Mr Stabby, a magician, was praise...

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has just returned from a short holiday. He couldn't afford to take a holiday by himself, so he booked himself and his family onto a week-long bus tour run by YouDecide Bus Tours.
YouDecide offer a unique bus holida...

Wayne Rooney is primed to deliver a string of his most effective England performances in years after manager Fabio Capello revealed he would be benching the striker for the build-up to Euro 2012 after being sent off in Montenegro on Friday.
The It...

St. Paul's Seventh annual zombie pub crawl turned into a night of horror Saturday evening when nearly a dozen Elvis impersonators descended upon the reveling crowd and opened fire with gold-plated guns and jewel-encrusted swords.
"Aim for the head! Aim for the head," they cried.
The group, a Twin Cities faction of the TCB (Taking Care of Business) Brigade, claimed to be under the direct co...

CALABASAS, California - Kate Gosselin and Steven Tyler visited the town of Calabasas where back in 1805, the explorers Lewis and Clark reportedly spent an entire evening gang whooping-it-up with their Shoshoni Indian guide Sacajawea of the American d...

Tough new regulations from Brussels coming in today aren't only to do with toy safety. They also mean that from now on it will be illegal to wrap up Christmas presents with paper.
"Paper cuts can be very serious," explained a EU spokesperson. "Chi...

HARFOLD, Vt.--Occupy Wall Street protesters continued to appear this week in towns across the nation which clearly no one, including presidential candidates, gives a shit about.
Seven senior citizens sat in chairs in the parking lot of the Harfold...

London - Bloodsuckers on the government front benches are in defiant mood ahead of Wednesday's pivotal Hunter's - or Blood - Moon.
At the Palace of Westmonster the lunation is a traditional vampire feastday associated with stalking real (or someti...

The recently married Duchess of Alba, Doña María del Rosario Cayetana Fitz-James Stuart y Silva, 85, has created something of a stir among America's actresses and popular music singers.
Her look, the inflated lips, wrinkling skin and wild hair ha...

New from the makers of iWeigh is the latest in applelets for the iPhone, this time making full use of the GPS capabilities of the iPhone. Called iStalk it lets ordinary people find and follow the celebrity of their choice.
"I decided to follow Hol...

The lone protester who has occupied Bourbon Street in New Orleans since Friday evening claims he has no intention of ending his protest and has outlined his reasons for his protest.
David Lang, 52, began his protest on Friday, he occupied Malone's...

Once upon a time the three little pigs came to a river.
"We need to cross this river," said the youngest little pig.
"But we can't swim across," said the middle little pig, "there is a crocodile in the river."
"Then we will need to build boats," said the oldest little pig.
The three little pigs went to find things to build their boats with.
The youngest little pig found a field full...

The Home Secretary has today announced a new initiative in partnership with Cat Protection, the UK domestic feline charity.
From next year, all immigration centres will have their own catteries to help immigrants with no other excuse for staying i...

Even when he was an egg, Ollie knew he was different to the other ducklings.
For a start, his egg was slightly bluish whilst their's were pure brilliant white. Even more obvious, was the size. His egg filled the nest pushing his brothers and sisters to the edge of the nest.
Mother Duck loved them all equally, even though Ollie looked different. Where his brothers and sisters were fluffy and...

A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and poverty, starting in August 1947
Chapter 33 - Security Guard - I Call for backup
I was working as a static security guard in Nottingham, at a furniture making factory.
The company had asked for a security officer, as an end wall to the factory, had been hit by a fork lift, and it had collapsed. So security was comp...

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - George Clooney and the gorgeous woman in his life Stacy Keibler headed down to sunny old Mexico to get away from the hustle and bustle of Tinsel Town.
The good looking couple checked into the newly dedicated Puffy Taco Res...

The Oakland Raiders long time owner, Al Davis, who was a renegade, a rebel, an entrepreneur, a visionary, a real son of a bitch and an angel passed away on October 8 2011.
His entire life was football, a subject that he excelled at which could...

Ingolstadt, Germany - This past week, Audi has announced plans to launch an App for iPhone and Android that will allow any car to become a "smart car." The app, simply known as the Audi App will, as long as your phone is charging in the car, will p...

London UK: A 16th century manuscript has been discovered in the basement of the British Museum (similar to the American Smithsonian Institution) describing a daring English raid into France over a plagiarized publication.
Sir Mark of Cornwall was...