I’m not late! Winter hasn’t started yet! Who cares if I’m writing this in 2011?! Who cares if Scamp’s already posted the Spring chart (oh hey, Steins;Gate and Toriko)?! Who cares if nobody cares whether or not somebody cares? Probably just me, right ._.

And on the note of ‘2010’, not ‘2011’; pah! Winter’s not the first season of the year! It’s the last; everyone knows that! Winter starts on the solstice (the 22nd and 23rd) for us at O-NEW, not on December 1st, so SHUN everything that tells me Angel Beats was part of… er… never mind.

And it definitely isn’t 2011 Winter right now. No siree. See, this publish date says December 30th, at 23:59. Yep. That’s totally when I originally published it. That tag that says Rewrite History? All a sham! Yep, yep, nobody cares about this an-

Of the time of writing this post, there is about, oh, I don’t know, ONE DAY of 2010 left. I don’t know if many of you know, but Ichigos is having another composition contest. If you’ll remember (you won’t, there was nobody reading then), one of my earliest compositions was prompted by an Ichigos contest (which, I subsequently received 2nd place – also known as last, because only two people entered).

Unfortunately, there are far more competitors this time, and the monetary prizes are no small talk either. And I have one day to submit something.

One day. That’s basically five hours. Why am I still writing this post? I don’t know, I’ll do nothing but compose tomorrow. Why did I read that epic mahjong manga? Which, if I may mention, is awesome? When JAPANESE ROBOTS fight HITLER in MAHJONG on the MOON, I think it’s PRETTY AWESOME. GEORGE BUSH’s power level is OVER EIGHT THOUSAND too (a normal person’s power level is seven, not seven thousand). Of course, that’s nothing to HITLER’s power level of THIRTY TWO THOUSAND.

In other real-world news, Comiket 79 has hit once again, obvious from the flood of Comiket music, PVs, and more hitting the internet (and the many cries of anguished line-waiters). It’s ending tomorrow, too.
Heh, you’d expect me to write some New Year’s post soon, so I won’t keep this any longer. I’m too lazy to even slap any pictures on here. On that note, I’ll delay (once more, once more) the Winter anime preview to next year. Sigh, vacation just seems to pass so quickly (or I wasted half of it in America doing NOTHING AT ALL).

Anyways, back to the title of this post: Twilight.

It does not suck.

What? You didn’t see that?

TWILIGHT DOES NOT SUCK.

As far as I can tell, there is no blatant exhibition of horrible, unpaced writing; no ill-developed main character; no drastically unrealistic plot. Twilight is, for a book, pretty good – you can read it without stopping, given the time necessary. The writing is many times better than even the grammar of many people who claim to have read it; indeed, this is not a book written by a teenager. It’s written by an adult, a very capable adult, whose intelligence vastly surpasses that of many individuals in society.

Book-wise, it’s decent. No – it’s good.

Of course, with the exception of how “Edward’s perfect eyes looked at me from his perfect face as perfect mucus dripped out of his perfect nose.”

Novel-wise, it’s a FUCKING MASTERPIECE. This Stephanie Meyer person is SO SMART THAT ALBERT EINSTEIN WOULD LOOK AT HER AND SHIT BRICKS.

Firstly, let’s look at Bella’s character.

Huh? Character? Where’s that? Bella’s well-developed, sure; but only after the plot kicks in. Before that, EVERYTHING about her can be applied to like EVERYBODY in the world – or at least everybody’s conceptions of themselves. Sure, basically nobody’s smart, but most stupid people think they’re smart, and thus can step into Bella’s shoes.

– Obvious points to her gender are not defined (a.k.a. she’s probably not a girl)
– Tries to fit in at school, but doesn’t work (a.k.a. too stupid to look past society)
– Not popular at school (a.k.a. she wants to do drugs and waste her teenage life)
– Thinks she’s smart (a.k.a. uses man-made tests to gauge her intelligence)
– May be skinny, may be fat – it’s never pointed out in the book, but she doesn’t want to walk two miles to school. So she drives there. Every day. Two miles. 3.2 kilometres. (a.k.a. typical American – fat, rich, and lovin’ it)
– Hates dancing (a.k.a. fat)
…and the like.

Anyways, in summary, all her bad qualities are ones everyone thinks they have (can’t dance, unpopular, etc.), and all her good qualities are qualities people think they have (smart, etc.) – her other good qualities are qualities that come out in the book, so any stupid teenage girl can dream about finding that she tastes good to a vampire, etc.

Meyer is a MASTER of manipulation. She’s a genius! Completely and utterly so.

A genius that would do anything for money, even write a book like this.

But, this makes sense.

This is the difference between the true, literary genius, Kuroneko, and the completely worthless, spoiled, lazy, and opportunative genius, Kirino.

Of course, not everything that sells is written by a genius like Meyer (who we know is a genius, because of her masterfully twisted words). In Kirino’s case, I take back my words – she’s just an idiot who likes little sisters. Luck and intelligence – money comes later.

But Meyer.

She could’ve done something with her life. Not write a book like this, but actually create a piece of literature. Something that actually has meaning. Her vocabulary and education are up to the task. But no – she just chose to go the path of the devil, leading to riches in life, and hell in death.

In fact, according to this dedication, her sister, Emily, practically forced her to finish Twilight (“Without her, this book may still have been unfinished”). A genius cannot create if forced to. She came up with Twilight instead.

Ah, the beauty of twilight. As a novel, brilliant. As a book, good.

500 pages is a lot, you know?

So as a piece of literature, I was afraid that the owner of the book would have caught me ripping it to shreds. There was no content whatsoever.

(except for that one part where Edward’s perfect eyes looked at me from his perfect face as perfect mucus dripped out of his perfect nose, that was very contentful)

As published by the Badly-Utilized Language Lunatics (look at the acronym) Society of Highly *nteresting Terminology, better known as the Society of Lying Conmen.

It is come to my attention that there is an overuse of the term, “BOOM! HEADSHOT (!)”. This is not actually unacceptable, but just pretend it is for a moment here. I am beginning to see a cliche* here in these two words. This is bad. This is UNACCEPTABLE. Or, at least, pretend it’s unacceptable.

Whilst browsing through the sea that is the intarwebz, I have noticed that there has been a lot of “BOOMHEDSHOTTTTT” but not enough “BOOM INSTANTANEOUS AMATEUR CRANIOTOMY/LOBOTOMY/WHATEVER”. This seems to be good evidence suggesting that 50% of the sea of the intarwebz in fact is verbal diarrhea being spouted by teenage boys overdosing on either LSD or testosterone, whichever is worse. The other 50% seems to consist of either godly Asian people with serious talent in using Photoshop or Twilight fanboys/girls. Of course, there are several other little groups out there that don’t fit into either category, but no one cares about them, except for maybe everyone.

I want to see Adoozy Falsh games on (insert game site name here) where shooting a person in the head gives a 5% percent chance of causing severe retardation in the victim! I want to see Newgrounds flashes where bullets can go in one eaer and out the other WITH NO EFFECT! Most of all, I don’t want to see another BOOMHEDSHOTTTT! I’m sick of it! Especially in that 15-minute period I just spent surfing the web in a futile effort to find an instance of BOOMHEDSHOTTTTT! Instead, I want to see a big black rectangle on top of where BOOMHEDSHOTTTTT would be! It would also spare me from the poor spelling of people who don’t know how to spell “CRANIOTOMY”!

/rant

/stupidity

/absurd logic

This was not written by Houraiguy. He never posts here. His blog, which posts even less at, is at boredomreturns.wordpress.com.

Troll(0lolol) away down in the comments below! Mock me for my inproper use of grammar (I must have misspelled something.)! Give me another reason to post on a different site! Et cetera! Whatevs! Complain about me never posting… wait, this post wasn’t written by Houraiguy. You’re seeing things. Go away. Stop overdosing on either LSD or testosterone, whichever is worse.

*(author of post is too lazy to search web for a site with some lettering that has an accented “e” in it, so whatevs)

New tag: Rewrite History. This post was published on November 28th, 2010.

…I’m gonna rewrite history a lot in the next month ._.

Who says I can’t do multiple HSRs? Be thankful I’m not watching Conan.

Index time~

DID I JUST SAY TIME?! WELL I HAVE NONE OK WHY AM I STILL WRITING THIS I GOT A HUNDRED PERCENT IN MATH

Oh, apparently magic uses mana too, which I forgot to explain last time. Mana is present all around the world… and not only from humans, but from nature too. OH AND FOR SOME REASON IT ISN’T REVEALED TO EXIST IN SCIENCE AS WELL EVEN THOUGH THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS OF SUCH A COMPOUND WOULD PRODUCE UNFORESEEN EFFECTS THAT WOULD UNDOUBTABLY HAVE BEEN PLOTTED OUT BY ANY HALF-WIT OBSERVING SCIENTIST

And espers are apparently people who can reject reality and replace it with their own. Somehow, Schrödinger’s cat gets involved right now even though that deals with PROBABILITY and not the REALITY, which is what espers change. How do you CULTIVATE a ‘skill’ of rejecting PROBABILITY and making it REAL? IT DOESN’T FUCKING MAKE SENSE, INDEX DOESN’T FUCKING MAKE SENSE JUST SAY IT’S ALL MAGIC ALRIGHT

/rant

I also forgot to explain that ‘Toaru Majutsu no Index’ means ‘A Certain Magical Index’, and ‘Toaru Kagaku no Railgun’ means ‘A Certain Scientific Railgun’. That’s why Tsuchimikado Motoharu (blonde hair) and that other kid (HE DOESN’T HAVE A NAME BUT HAS BLUE HAIR) attend ‘A Certain Highscool’, which only has one teacher (Komoe) and three students during ‘A Certain Class’. Index finds ‘A Certain Cat’ (who she names Sphinx). In ‘A Certain… Box’ ._.

I ‘Am Certainly Taking’ this too far.

BUT WHY IS THERE ONLY THREE PEOPLE IN THE CLASS YOU’D EXPECT IN THE WHOLE ACADEMY CITY WITH OVER ONE POINT EIGHT MILLION STUDENTS THAT MORE THAN THREE PEOPLE WOULD FAIL A SUBJECT (or rather, fail the make-up class for a failed subject), BUT STILL WOULDN’T IT BE MUCH BETTER TO CONSOLIDATE EVERYONE INTO A SINGLE CLASS?! OF COURSE IT WOULDN’T BECAUSE ACADEMIC AND SCIENTIFICALLY RATIONAL CITIES DON’T RUN LIKE THAT

I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO A YUKKURI

Anyways, Touma, Motoharu, Index, and that other kid are eating oil, grease, and sugar at the local MacRonall when they find a magician. Himegami Aisa is the Deep Blood referred to last time – the smell of her blood attracts vampires, who she then kills. Unfortunately, that includes her family because HER FAMILY WAS TOTALLY MADE OUT OF VAMPIRES AND AFTER THE BLOOD BANK RAN OUT OF BLOOD TO LEND THEY STARVED TO DEATH

Stiyl tells Touma of their goal – kill an ‘alchemist’, Aureolus Izzard (apparently a descendent of Paracleses wait what), who is really mean and does really mean stuff to aisa beacuse hes very mean and very mean people are very mean and very bad and very bad people are also very mean so he shouldnt be so mean and shuold be more nice to aisa beacuse bieng mean is very bad

Reimu’s life after the shrine collapsed

At Misawa Cram School, the place Aisa is held hostage (or something), they find a corpse of one of the Thirteen Knights of the Roman Catholic Church. A magical forcefield blocks out all activity from the magical ‘side’ to the public ‘side’ – basically, the Knight is part of the magical ‘side’, and people who are not on the magical ‘side’ cannot see it. People who are on the magical ‘side’ then cannot interact freely with the public ‘side’ – such as pushing an elevator button. Touma, Stiyl, Aisa, and Aureolus are all on the magical side.

WHICH MEANS THAT WE FINALLY HAVE PROOF THAT STAIRS ARE MAGICAL THINGS – NO WONDER IT KEEPS HAPPENING

Aureolus casts a spell that transports the public students into the magical ‘side’ – however, they’re espers, so they can’t use magic without suffering INTENSE PHYSICAL PAIN

As such the students suffer INTENSE PHYSICAL PAIN

Unfortunately, Aureolus has some suicidal tendencies.

He appears behind Touma and Stiyl and erases their memories because of his special ability. However, after regaining consciousness, Touma negates the effect with the power of his Imagine Breaker.

They appear at the cram school just to see the remnants of the Thirteen Knights attacking the school with a spell that needs three thousand three hundred and thirty-three monks to recite – at the same time.

Obviously it has some devastating effects, completely ripping a building in two – but Aureolus reverses that with his Ars Magna.

Apparently, the ultimate goal of alchemists is to model everything in this world – basically bringing out anything they’re thinking of into reality. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE NO BUT I QUOTED IT FROM THE ANIMU

Aureolus’s magical name is Honos628, and his ability is to bringing out anything he says into the real world.

SO SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE AMIRITE

(He can probably make someone do that too)

Thus, he can erase memories; cause espers to cast magic; glue back buildings; and in general be a total badass.

Index gets captured by Aureolus, who reveals that HE LOVES HER and wanted her to become a vampire cause that’d make it more Twilight-y. In reality, it’s because he thought her memory problem would be overcome if that happened – when Stiyl regrettably informs him that his dad is ded so who was phone Touma beat him to the chase, he gets pretty darn mad, attempting to kill everyone.

Unfortunately, it’s revealed – his true power isn’t in saying, but in /thinking/ – if he doesn’t think of something, and only of that thing, it won’t come to fruition. That’s why he likes to stab himself so much.

Anywho, Touma becomes a total scary zombie by braving the pain of losing his right arm and destroying Aureolus’s mental stability. His power now out of his control, it backfires, turning Touma’s severed right arm into a giant dragon.

…Aureolus’s head gets bitten off, Stiyl mercifully changes his facial structure so as to deceive the Roman Catholic Church, and he loses both his memories of the situation and ability to lose magic, before being released into the REAL WORLD

What’s the point of having triggers to the other eight guns, then

New arc begins as Touma begins to develop his observation skills (Rito’s mastered it, if ya get what I mean…), meeting Mikoto’s sister, who is engaged in a fight with some guy named Accelerator.

So ‘Tree Diagram’ is this giant floating satellite that monitors Academy City and grades all the espers by ranking, but Index destroyed it when she went all zombie-like. Accelerator’s goal (or rather, the scientists controlling him) is to become a Level 6 – he can only achieve this by killing 128 Level 5 espers, but there are only 7 Level 5s. Thus, using Mikoto’s DNA, scientists have mass produced 20,000 clones of her (all Level 3 espers). All the Misakas are connected by mind, BYPASSING THE EINSTEIN-PODOLSKY-ROSEN PARADOX (or imposing it?) because INFORMATION CAN’T TRAVEL INSTANTANEOUSLY

However, they must wear MILITARY GOGGLES so that they can see electro-wait wait what

WHAT

WHAT IS THIS SHIT

SO MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~E

Mikoto was TRICKED by the evil government, who used her DNA supposedly to cure Duchenne muscular dystrophy, but in reality to produce CLONES CLONES CLONES and MORE CLONES, as she is the only Level 5 who started out as a Level 1 and gradually LEVELED UP

The first Mikoto clone (we’ll refer to the clones as Misaka from now on) was Misaka #10032, who Accelerator try to kill. His ability is changing the vector values of everything he touches – wind, movement, temperature, light, bullets, electricity, even the BLOOD FLOW of a person. You’d wonder why he doesn’t control the vector values of time but that’d make it too hard for Touma to beat him.

Accelerator in his true form (SIDNET)

At the very end, Touma is seen trying to plot a possible solution to Mikoto’s problem, ending with the words “To stop the experiment, I must let them realize that nothing good will come out of the experiment.”

IN OTHER WORDS HE MUST MAKE RATS APPEAR BECAUSE RATS ARE NOT GOOD

Anywho, bunch of other characters are introduced (or rather, reintroduced), and it’d be weird to insert them into the story cause they DON’T FIT AT ALL STUPID ANIME

Tsuchimikado Maika is the siscon Motoharu’s half-sister, and she’s a maid because THERE HAS TO BE A MAID IN EVERY ANIME NO MATTER HOW POINTLESSLY POINTLESS IT IS. SHE STUDIES AT A MAID SCHOOL WHERE YOU LEARN TO BE MAIDS IN ACADEMY CITY WAIT WHAT MAID SCHOOL DO THOSE EVEN EXIST I’M PRETTY SURE SHE’S JUST A NORMAL PERSON SO WHY’S SHE IN THIS CITY IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE

A WILD NARRATOR APPEARS

Another member of Tokiwadai Middle School (along with Mikoto, who she lives with), Shirai Kuroku (a Level 4) can teleport and is SO AWESOME NORMAL PEOPLE EXPLODE BY SEEING HER

Finally there’s this DOCTOR GUY who must be SORTA IMPORTANT or else he wouldn’t APPEAR TWICE

What do I have to say. I HAVE TO SAY TOO MUCH I’VE GOT FIVE MINUTES TYPING NINJA HUNTER GO GO GO

First off THERE ARE NO LITTLE KIDS IN ACADEMY CITY

Secondly EVERYONE’S HAIR COLOURS ARE DIFFERENT. I mean, sure I’d get white hair, yellow hair, and black hair, but RED HAIR?! GREEN HAIR?! BLUE HAIR?! YOU’D EXPECT THEM TO MAKE SOME SORT OF CATHODE RAY TUBE DISPLAY WITH THAT SORT OF POWER

OR MAYBE SOMEONE’S A HAIR-STYLIST ESPER!

Seriously though, I still hate it when anime try to be more scientific than they can. Shiki’s a brilliant example of how not being scientific still works (of course, I only watched up to what episode 11; expect HSR) – there’s scientific blasphemy and crap, but they don’t explain how vampires exist. Why? THEY CAN’T THAT’S WHY

In this scenario, having someone being struck by a lightning bolt and thus able to control electricity is about the same as having someone able to control quantum probabilities. Which has nothing to do with actual matter. Though, I suppose it’d be easy to justify Biribiri’s ability, but it’d require some imaginative author to conjure up why Accelerator can control vectors… (maybe he was struck by a vector bolt)

Also, going back to the previous HS, why did Touma lose only his memories? With such a vague description as ‘you’re doomed’, you’d expect his brain to be, y’know, blown out or something. And also, didn’t Komoe say that there are multiple parts of the brain for everything? How did he lose just his short-term, 2-week memory, but not his motary functions, knowledge, understanding of culture, and personality? Doesn’t make sense. Here’s where explaining it /would/ help – just saying ‘oh you’re doomed’ isn’t good enough. Just saying ‘oh you’re healed and only lost your memory of the past two weeks’ isn’t good enough either.

I’d be more eloquent in my schpiel but little Mushy’s past his beddy-bed time. I’ll cover two subjects in a latter HSR – morality of cloning and self-criticism. Yeah, those are pretty big subjects.

They always claim that they’re “ice cold”. They can’t be, because they don’t sell huge frozen chunks of Coke-ice/Pepsi-ice in a bottle/can/whatever. That would be ice cold. They’re selling them at like 10 degrees Celsius, because not many people want to buy solid chunks of flavored ice.

The straws they give out for the soft drinks always are crappy.

You can’t get straws for your soft drink (which isn’t soft) if you aren’t in a fast food joint.

The soft drink tastes different in North America than it does in China. I note Coke specifically, and also 7-Up.

Room temperature soft drinks would taste like flavoured water, only it would be sugar-flavoured. Also, flavoured water is usually (to me) water-flavoured water with a bit of indistinguishable random taste that you can’t define. Or, for that matter, you can’t taste. Also, room temp. soft drinks taste bad.

Some idiot will always shake the bottle up like one of those paint bucket-shakers.

And they’re probably doing it in a way that it can’t fail to land on your clothing.

And they’re doing it right now.

The only way to not get any pop on your clothing is to not wear any. This won’t really work, because no one will be remotely near you anyway (which kinda mean it does work) for nudity reasons.

The soft drink spilled on your clothing does not wash off.

If you can’t see them doing it, you’re doing it. Subconsciously. With an invisible bottle.

The bottle will never fizz up after the cap is opened a second time.

The bottle will always over-fizz before initial opening.

The bottle will fizz even if you don’t shake it. Cynical, biased research has shown that this is a conspiracy on the part of WHUUUUUPS’ (We Hate UUUU; UPS) bottle delivering services, aided by the Government Committee Of Making Our Roads Have Potholes In Them and the Government Committee Of Building Speed Bumps The Length And Height Of The Great Wall Of China, and let’s not forget the infamous Government Committee For Failing To Fill In The Potholes The Goverment Committee Of Making Our Road Have Potholes In Them.

Soft drinks must always have at least NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE THOUSAND AND ONE ninety grams of sugar. Per sip.

Your older/younger sibling will always never stop drinking from your bottle, even if they were told by yourself to only have a sip, unless the bottle has negative fluid content. They will also be temporarily struck with deafness to pleas along the lines of “STOP”, and cannot choke. They will also always beat you in competitions of chugging large amounts of liquids.

Number 15 will usually happen with your friends. It will always happen if you have no siblings.

Soft drinks should not be called soft drinks (titular inaccuracy, as discussed in Number 1). They should be called “ubersugar liquids”. Also, they should not be called “pop” drinks, because they don’t really pop.

Unless you count the “pop” of the bottle/can/whatever cap opening for the first time.

Or if you count “pop” as a substitute for the expletives you’ll use once the soft drinks soak your clothing when you opened the cap.

Or if “pop” is the substitute for the profanities the person shaking the pop bottle says when they see you without clothing in an attempt to prevent your clothing from being soaked.

Or the “pop” is the sound of WHUUUUUPS’ “security” men/bodyguards coming after you with guns for having pop bottles that don’t fizz. Which are impossible to make, but they’ll still try to frame you anyway.

Or if “pop” is the sound of your brain cells participating in the sport of “synchronized aneurysm-ing” from sugar overdose.

If “ubersugar liquids” disagrees with you, suggest something in the comments below. I would recommend having a name that is Exactly What It Says On The Tin (TvTropes link) or highly straightforward. I personally propose “Teeth Decay Accelerator Molecules++”.

In case you were wondering, I rarely finish any posts in series. I will, however, start a lot of series.