This week, Lifesitenews, an anti-LGBTQ and anti-choice Christian website, posted a warning to parents of school-aged kids titled, “10 ways to take control of your kid’s education and stop leftist indoctrination.” I’m sorry, what? That’s right, a website run by people who rely on childhood indoctrination to advance their causes has accused their political opponents of infiltrating schools and indoctrinating students. Funny, I guess indoctrination is only cool if you’re the one doing it.

The article was written by Linda Harvey, president of Mission America, author of Maybe He’s Not Gay: Another View on Homosexuality, and possibly one of the worst people I’ve ever researched online. She also writes for World Net Daily. Seems like a totally respected journalist to me!

Let’s take a look at how Linda’s going to stop this so-called leftist indoctrination, whatever that means.

Before the author of this piece [of sh**] even gets into her list, she promotes the idiotic idea that Christianity and patriotism are components of conservatism and aren’t found on the left side of the aisle:

She says your child needs “a truthful, academic-based education that doesn’t include hyper-sexualization, privacy violation, smashing of American patriotism, and hatred of Christianity.”

It’s the same sentiment you hear at every Trump rally and from the mouths of Republicans on a daily basis — that somehow the right has cornered the market on love of country and the left is 100% anti-American. What a load of crap. But to her credit, the audience she’s speaking to eats this up all day. At the heart of it, they’re all about feeling superior, so this idea of Christian=patriot works — superior religion, superior country, superior sexual orientation, superior race, the list goes on. It all makes sense.

On to the 10 suggestions. Don’t worry, I’ll paraphrase. I suffered through this so you don’t have to.

Read through your kids’ curriculum and school policies. Then pray. And move them to a Christian school if you can. Apparently those provide the “truthful, academic-based education” the author referred to earlier. Sure.

Get rid of teachers’ unions. Like their salaries weren’t low enough to begin with. The author seems to have an issue with the NEA and accuses it of having a pro-abortion, pro-LGBTQ platform. News flash: effectively no one is “pro-abortion.” That’s not a thing outside right-wing propaganda echo chambers.

Rummage through the library looking for any materials that mention gay people. Take pictures of them and post them on social media, then write a letter to the school board (and out yourself as a bigot). Pressure “sleazy librarians” (do those exist outside of porn?) to strip the library of anything that criticizes America or law enforcement. And my personal favorite, “watch for a possible ‘drag queen’ reading.”

Keep an eye on any openly gay or transgender teachers and make sure they’re not “promoting depravity.” “Challenge every pro-homosexual propaganda day/week – Ally Week, Spirit Day, Coming Out Month, ‘LGBTQ’ History Month, ‘Transgender’ Remembrance Day, No Name-Calling Week, Day of Silence, and any ‘pride’ observances in May and June.” Notice the quotes around terms she’s uncomfortable with. But wait a sec… she’s against No Name-Calling Week? And she’s accusing the left of depravity? Yikes.

Kick the Scholastic publishers out of your school because “Scholastic proudly promotes ‘LGBTQ’ deviance and ‘pride’ material.”

Make sure boys and girls are not sharing restrooms or playing on the same sports teams. If they do, raise hell with the school board.

I’m going to let you read the sex ed part in entirety. I can’t do it justice. I keep bursting out into uncontrollable laughter. “For middle and high schools, check to see if they are teaching ‘comprehensive sex education,’ which is an innocuous-sounding name for X-rated, porn-based child sexualization lessons. Despite the ‘evidence-based’ claims, this style of sex ed scorns abstinence and encourages adolescent sexual activity, homosexuality, and gender confusion. It is not medically accurate, because it hides the real risks and endorses abortion – the taking of a human life. Unless we believe it’s ‘medically accurate’ to eliminate human beings, we need to scream loudly to get this Planned Parenthood, leftist garbage out of our schools.” Yeah, screw the evidence. Let’s put it in quotes to make it look untrue. Also, “porn-based”? I’m going to need to review that curriculum as well…

Talk to staff to find out of teachers are “forced” to attend training about effectively dealing with LGBTQ students — you know, the most at-risk for suicide. Helping those kids would apparently be bad. Yay, pro-life!

Make sure your kids aren’t having the core tenets of Islam forced upon them. Don’t let them attend a mosque on a field trip. Remember: Unconstitutional Christian indoctrination at public school GOOD, Islam BAD. “Raise the roof if you discover this at your school.” Sooo, like this?

Insert Christianity into your public school as much as you can (seems legit). Make sure your kids do the Meet at the Pole prayer thing on September 25, and urge them to promote Christianity in school. Start a Good News Club (if you enjoy instilling fear in small children and squashing their self-esteem).

So that’s it! That’s how you keep the gay away! Just in time for back-to-school. I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking if I just do step one, the rest should take care of itself. I mean, prayer works, so I can just do that, right? Why do I need to do steps 2-10 if prayer works? Are you telling me it’s insufficient? Not possible. It couldn’t possibly be that no one is listening. Could it? Oh no. I think the chemtrails are infecting me with the gay agenda…

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