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Weekend Frig: Valuable Sponsorship Opportunity!

To whom it may concern: If you want to buy this marvelous machine for me, I will name it after you Coors Stadium-style. So if you’ve always wanted to see a “Jim Smith Memorial” something or other, you’ve come to the right place.

Behold, and cringe before its glory: A machine that dispenses sausage gravy! Hopefully, someone will invent a counter-sized version soon – in which case screw you, toaster, I never needed you anyway – but in the meantime I am perfectly willing to clear out the den to accommodate the full-size version.

If you act to procure me one within the next 20 minutes, I will ALSO name the “Biscuits in a Bowl” dispenser after you at no extra charge.

Who knows what other kinds of wonderful machine are lurking in the background, waiting for you to buy them for me so I can name them after you? Granted, I’ve never actually been to a Bob Evans. But it’s SAUSAGE GRAVY, people – how bad can it be? Do NOT underestimate my love of sausage gravy on a biscuit. As the machine itself states, this is the way to “Start your day right!”

Ya know, I have been to an actual Bob Evans – before it closed – and I’ve gotta tell you, “fresh,” their sausage gravy, uh, it ain’t all that. I – midwestern girl that I am – can do and have done much MUCH better with one eye still closed in not-quite-awakeness. Heck, my kid was doing better sausage gravy & biscuits when he was in high school. Whatever comes out of that, that, monstrosity is the stuff of culinary nighmares.

toy lady, THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING. everybody, listen to her. yes, any of could probably better sausage gravy with both hands tied behind our backs and no actual sausage. but THIS sausage gravy is ON DEMAND.