Howes it going Joh?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

You know it's funny; every time I come back to this thing, after an extended period of time, and read through my entries, I'm struck by one fact...

I'm a little bit mess-obsessed

Seriously; almost every post mentions the state of my room and my lack of tidiness...

... so now that I've just added to the problem...

I've been investigating other ways to procrastinate lately (which would be good considering that I like to think procrastination is just a brain-break and blogging isn't really a brain break per se). You know, things like watching a DVD, going for a walk, doing my washing, watching TV etc. Unfortunately, I've inadvertently settled on the one thing that is probably more addictive than you-tubing... The Twilight series...

Oh yes, I have succumbed to the latest girlish craze, the author heralded as the next JK Rowling (although that's clearly a form of blasphemy... heh), the series that is essentially a teenage romance with vampires...

Good grief, when I put it like that it sounds a little silly...

Ah well

On a random side note (although this is a little related) Annie pointed out something hilarious to me the other day. In the women's toilet on the concourse level in the tower building, some love-struck soul has drawn a love heart with "Edward Cullen" written in pink letters in the middle...

I think that level of commitment should be admired to some degree...

Oh and I've also decided that the two guys who were busking together in the tunnel on Tuesday are my new heroes - they were playing a duet on piano accordion and didgeridoo - fantastic :)

Monday, June 9, 2008

Friday, June 6, 2008

I've been reflecting on this for a while but I've realised that I am an extreme version of a "words of affirmation" person. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, a guy called Dr Gary Chapman wrote a book on how people express or feel loved. The five languages listed are;

Quality Time

Words of Affirmation

Gifts

Acts of service

Physical Touch

Of course, these are very generallised and often people are a combination of a few of these.

However, below is a diagram arranging these on a line of most relevent to least relevent language for me...

...Ok, so it's not quite that extreme... Physical touch is somewhere in the middle (i'm definitely a hug-a-holic) and gift giving and recieving is somewhere off this page (in the "I so don't get it" section of the line) but you get the point.

The thing I've realised about this though is that I'm looking for affirmation in the wrong place. It hit me at ETC really; I was one of the music organisers and it's a well known fact that in ministry, you shouldn't expect to be thanked very much (which is fair enough - you're not really supposed to be doing it for your glory... but that's getting ahead of myself).

This, was a severe problem...

You see, when people don't tell me I'm doing a good job at something, I start wondering why. Is it because I suck at whatever it is I'm doing? Is it because they don't like it? Do I look funny out the front? Does anybody like me? Am I... What's.... Why?

And so the stress builds up and I start to implode with worry...

This is exactly what happened at ETC. I ended up a in tears a few times because no one was telling me how much they loved the music and that I should keep up the good work!

Now please please please don't get me wrong here; I'm not saying that you all suck for not telling me I'm awesome (that would seriously not be helpful) I'm merely telling you all this to illustrate my point: I need to stop looking for acceptance and affimation from people and start looking more to God.

The way I see it is as long as I'm doing what He tells me to do through the bible I'll be fine. Of course this would be a lot easier to do if I got emails or something from Him to let me know I'm doing ok but unfortunately that's not how it works. I need to learn to do what He wants me to do and to be satisfied with the knowledge that God loves me no matter how good a job I do at it.

Maybe then I'll learn to see the occasional word of encouragement from a friend as icing on the cake... :)