Monday, May 25, 2009

Through vibrating eternitiesInside of a black universeTrespassing onto invisible worldsBeyond starshine, moonlight and sunI have travelled,

Destination Nowhere,

And was never afraid,Not once.

All the bewitching visionsI now seeAs I've landed on a blazing planetHave lifted the lids of Love's eyes.Ballerina flames danceElegantly, underneath a glittering Sky.In a planet made of precious stonesDusted on a cotton-candy canvas,The divine light from abovePaints the waters belowDeep shades of EternityAnd I am re-created,

Friday, May 22, 2009

Lettuce phase itWe are the young of A scorned and murky pastAdults Still playing house

Nothing will faze thisShe cannot

Face this

He was agingWith an unlovedMask of a faceWho drove a HarleyAnd took her for The ride of her lifeWhen she was 9 and

Much more

BeforeWhen she was 4

Let's just erase it!

We are nightmares and Evaporated tearsDisassociated intoThe vast atmosphereAlways fucking the horrorAs if we can seduce itInto submission

She tried to race it

Dropped out while she wasGiving head

Standing in a seasoned Song and danceSo merrily

Merrily suffering

Cute and coldLike a snowman

Wanting the sun

MER PEOPLE

Once I had a vision

One ice had dimensionThe touch was frozen painThe result was lack of feeling

And I

Became a monster

A mermaidUntouched by waves of apathyI was numb inside the waterUntil the water felt warm to me

I know longer shivered IShimmeredI was covered in a cold glimmering

Dream

My teeth didn't chatter IShatteredThe world with primordial screams

As an immortal cold-bloodedBeast girlLove was not in sight for meAt the edge of the world nothing mattersFrostbit black by the son

In the see

BEACHED

I don't think I can I... I think I might. I don't want to see the walking lie, buried in a flood of sickness, sucked inside by violent tides. I don't think I should I... I think I will. The way that faces blur in photos, the way that light can keep the past, it haunts my vision, bleeds my brain, reinforces that eternity is just a love that's fading fast. I fall underneath the demi-gods, I rest beside the shore, my heart is floating in sea-filled lungs, I'm breathing in the blood. And I don't think you can't I... I think you won't.

And I think I can't just lay here anymore.And I think I just can't lie here anymore.

I'm composed I... decompose... Underneath the killing sun, that brings a world to life.I decompose and I... suppose... That this is what is right.

HAMMERED

Us hereRoyalty in despairA queen touched and pulledScraped and bulliedDriven into the floorLike a nail

Just hammered

Driven up A white wallThe delirium inHer smileColors her eyes

Enamoured

Her king so other worldlyHis heart sew YesterdayToo out of touch to snip the threadsTo free himToo out of love to bring him backToday

Just a patch on the pastJust a nail in the floor

Stuck drunk andToo board toFix it

Us hereA kingdom in ruinsJust a punk andHis whore

When our costumes gotTwo dirtyWe couldn't wear themAnymore

BABY

Won to Three

I wish I was a white skinnedRed-lippedBlue eyed girlWith a gold-plated smileAnd a silver scentTo sniff out the 95 in your lies

I had to scribble my nameAbout a hundred timesWith a rock on the sidewalkWith a penOn my hand(With my nailOn your skin)Before I felt like myselfAgain

Two for sex

Choking in the upheavalOf circumstanceI amJust a bitchWith a faceThat looks likeA faint reflectionDistortedIn a water glassWith a duressAcquired throughThe bullshit in your Fucking

(Remind me how toDream without drinking)

Of course, I'm youngYou could sayBarely alive

A baby almost

But not yours

THE SOUNDS OF A DAY

Slip deep into the little sounds that make a day go by, and find yourself in the middle of the universe with all the heroes who have died. I told the ghost of Superman not to save me when I was caged by the echoes of a sad disease. I said, "Superman, if you try I'll bash my head against the wall and step inside your life." He just looked at me and sighed, then disappeared back into some child's mind.

Screaming knives and violent eyes with violet subservient lullabyes, a touch of death, a loss of faith, a dismissal of love, just to keep the machine alive.

The quickness of a rotten moment sneaking into time is faster than the speed of light and larger than Godzilla. It destroys the cities in my world, forces the eyes into apocolypse vision. You walk outside one day and everything, just everything is dirty or broken.

How did this happen? Oh how did this happen?

I gave up before the sun came up.

I tried to make it without heroes. I tried to make it without weapons. I tried to alter reality to my liking, imagine myself outside the cage. I was strong for a moment, then I started to feel myself slip away, into the sounds of a day.

My ghost disappears into a child's mind.

FOR YOUR SINS

I cut up the sun into little star shapes and dressed my house in them. My house caught on fire and I felt the burn of Satan's wicked beauty. I love the way this numbness feels. Myself, I am a writing eel out of water, seething in this one true gold, (I have a mind that feels so old). The wrinkles in my skin start to bleed and as I burn I can see God in the red puddle on the floor. I say to Him, "Oh God oh Lord I just can't take anymore! My left hand is growing bigger t han the Universe!", and he says:::: Dear child, I do not exist and;;;;

I say

""""God I know your lies are just a trick""""

BurnburnbleedburnbleedbleedbleedthisheavenisallI'lleverneed.

ABC'S

We seeA Child and their naked gamesAnd Adults dressing up as if they know what it's like to

Why don't you justGo out and get laidAndStop pretending to be a real boy?

Just look andCCinderella is covered in pumpkin seedsAndGoldilocks is torn to bloody piecesBy an angry little bear.

DEADFACE

Vacant possessive Man handsMolestation mistaken for DesireAs if I wasn't any girlAnd wasn't just a fucking CUNTTo U.

But I know the relationshipBetween a stamen and AROSEAnd I know the power ofThe SunAnd your lies areWritten all over your I'sEnd...Your mind is diseased with Sex and Buddha.

If I had a cock I'd rape you up the assREAL hardPull out your rectumAnd watch you walk around with itBetween your mutt-legsAnd then I would laughAnd ask you"How does it feel?"

Be very careful with meBabydarlingloverboy

Asshole

I have a vicious intellectA strategy mapped out in my mindThat I don't waste on things like Chess

A revenge so sweet it makes me sickI could kill youAnd find love in your blood

And

Peace on your Deadface.

THE SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS

Scum fuck bum in the corner pissing on concrete oh baby I wish I was you cuz your drunken carelessness is so goddamn cool and maybe we could get married cuz I'm a sidewalk shitter and I don't give a fuck. Let's fall in love and you can beat me and I can scream in your ear sounding like the world's largest buzzing CICADA but you won't kill me cuz then you can't FUCK me.

(My volatile behavior may not be wrong or right but I know what I have to tell myself to be extricated from a perpetual demise that is comfort.)

Must I be an icon to my own relentless self? An image that has an autobiography? A person with pain? Someone who slipped through the cracks? Not a lawyer. Not a doctor. Never a wife or mother.

I refuse to be human. I refuse to understand the pretense that is communication between one and another when a person is a country with their own set of laws and their own tongue, and their own rotten fucking politics. I refuse to sign the treaty. I will not end this war when a person hates a person underneath the delusion of this tyrant we call LOVE.

I will squash youWith these dancing shoesI will watch youBleed out the EvilIn an Angel's secret body

And like a dogI will lap it upWith my sloppy tongueAnd call myself"Jesus"

And (Mr. Goatface Hellsoul)You will beMy lamb.

EASE

Ease my mind with a cold metal rod, because a pillow never works and the silly sun through my purple eyes is just a cancer in my heart and I cannot flip that switch without sawing through a bone which is something I refuse to do because

I don't really know if I can heal anymore with this autoimmune disorder called Living. (This could be a throwback to a surreal time when I had butterflies and enemies in my mind, self seeping into days past a memory of you like acid reflux. Fuck. You are the most un-inlove creature I have ever met, but when I watch you climb dinosaurs I must admit, I love you very deeply, like someone, somewhere loved a man named Hitler.)

That little smile, chaaaa... grin on your face must be erased in a vehement effort on my behalf to eliminate you from the opportunity of Presence, even behind Memory's bitter bars. Because you don't deserve any gifts.

And anyways I'm sitting here listening to the Past not understanding how to remember time between Us and Now, and I feel detached and unsympathetic, like a brilliant sociopath committing suicide in some attempt to feel empathetic but

The Death is The Cure and I remember our futle attempts at fame in our heads cuz we were...

Dear LovelyIs Ancient andFeels shrinkingly smallLike a maggot-babyTrying to reachFor a cookieIn an empty houseThat does not existTrying to speakSo she can say"I love you Daddy"To a face

She is the kind of animalThat screams"Help me, I'm drowning!"In the middle of a desert

Dear Lovely is temporaryBut she will not die.

GOING BACK

There is nothing here but the tedious drag of empty seconds, memories of cavities like caves with jagged walls that are too sharp to touch. I remember this aching. A solitude so slow it leans in and kisses me like ice on a hot summer day. And then I fall in Love. Ultimately unconsciously numb skin so dead that a cut never bleeds. Head so gone I see roses spill from my wounds instead, onto the carpet, and the isolation turns reality into a winter wonderland only I can see.

An ancient stillborn comatose heart stitched inside, made of cloth and filled with moths IamtheghostthathauntsthishollowplacewhichIdespise.