Single after 9 years

As some of you know, I'm currently in the midst of walking from my home in NYC to LA (I'm in Atlanta now, for a couple more days, then I hit the road again en route to Birmingham).

A couple of weeks ago I shared one of my blog posts here, where I talked about the emotional effects of spending so much time alone with my thoughts (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1801706). Well, those thoughts have begun to lead to major life changes.

My partner of nine years and I have separated. I would be lying if I said my heart is not broken, even though it was I who prompted the decision. But I think this is what is best for both of us. We love each other deeply, and I know we always will, but at this point in our lives, at least, I think we're better off apart.

It is so strange to think of myself as single. In some ways it's even scary, especially when I see how jaded so many gay men in their 30s and 40s are. It's also scary to think that I'm now facing this walk all by myself. I have no home base, and no anchor. This is both good and bad. Liberating, in a sense, but daunting.

We're just starting to tell our friends, and we haven't told our families. After nine years, this is no ordinary breakup. In more than one ways (including financially), we're going through a divorce. This is also daunting.

I've been through a similar thing after a similar time (well minus the walk)

I get the divorce bit, the ex and I our lives where so intertwined that pulling each other apart to be single was surprisingly difficult not just financially, but emotionally.

Oddly enough, he was my rock for those years and I was his source of encouragement and belief and now even though we are friends (and good ones) I can't share with him like I once did and he can't come to me for encouragement. Which is so sad but we just can't do it.. But alas that's how things work I suppose

Oh, btw, new guys are HOT, but yes unfortunately very very very jaded and unattractive in that sense!

Thanks, guys. I'll be ok. Sadness at closing the chapter on nine years of my life is inevitable, but like I said, I'm at peace with the decision. It's just a strange feeling. I'm at such a different place in life now than the last time I was single. This is probably good.

19c79 saidAs some of you know, I'm currently in the midst of walking from my home in NYC to LA (I'm in Atlanta now, for a couple more days, then I hit the road again en route to Birmingham).

A couple of weeks ago I shared one of my blog posts here, where I talked about the emotional effects of spending so much time alone with my thoughts (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1801706). Well, those thoughts have begun to lead to major life changes.

My partner of nine years and I have separated. I would be lying if I said my heart is not broken, even though it was I who prompted the decision. But I think this is what is best for both of us. We love each other deeply, and I know we always will, but at this point in our lives, at least, I think we're better off apart.

It is so strange to think of myself as single. In some ways it's even scary, especially when I see how jaded so many gay men in their 30s and 40s are. It's also scary to think that I'm now facing this walk all by myself. I have no home base, and no anchor. This is both good and bad. Liberating, in a sense, but daunting.

We're just starting to tell our friends, and we haven't told our families. After nine years, this is no ordinary breakup. In more than one ways (including financially), we're going through a divorce. This is also daunting.

Aww, best wishes. Hope you handle it well, and receive love and support while you figure out your next steps, as continue your walk! [no pun intended] It's truly an inspiring endeavor you have undertaken

Wow, Constantino, I'm very sorry and a little surprised when I read this, but it sounds like it was carefully considered... and you know what is important for you. Glad to hear you both are friends. I hope he can always be an important part of your life.

Hope the travel has been going OK... I hadn't seen anything of late or I missed it. Glad you gave us the news. Be thinking of you.

19c79 saidAs some of you know, I'm currently in the midst of walking from my home in NYC to LA (I'm in Atlanta now, for a couple more days, then I hit the road again en route to Birmingham).

A couple of weeks ago I shared one of my blog posts here, where I talked about the emotional effects of spending so much time alone with my thoughts (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1801706). Well, those thoughts have begun to lead to major life changes.

My partner of nine years and I have separated. I would be lying if I said my heart is not broken, even though it was I who prompted the decision. But I think this is what is best for both of us. We love each other deeply, and I know we always will, but at this point in our lives, at least, I think we're better off apart.

It is so strange to think of myself as single. In some ways it's even scary, especially when I see how jaded so many gay men in their 30s and 40s are. It's also scary to think that I'm now facing this walk all by myself. I have no home base, and no anchor. This is both good and bad. Liberating, in a sense, but daunting.

We're just starting to tell our friends, and we haven't told our families. After nine years, this is no ordinary breakup. In more than one ways (including financially), we're going through a divorce. This is also daunting.

19c79 saidThanks, guys. I'll be ok. Sadness at closing the chapter on nine years of my life is inevitable, but like I said, I'm at peace with the decision. It's just a strange feeling. I'm at such a different place in life now than the last time I was single. This is probably good.

I don't understand at all a breakup where there is still " love". My relationship of 20 years was over but I was in denial about it. I thought I could fix it with more love . I was wrong.

I dont want to have anything at all to do with my ex. now. I suspect that you are happy to be free of your partner. The feeling that you still love him is just a way to deal with guilt. Embrace the joy of freedom.

Thank you! I love that poem. Nine years don't end overnight--as any separation of this nature, it's complicated--but even though the heart aches at times, and doubts sometimes arise, I know deep down this is what is best for us both.

And thanks for the heads-up about the button. The site is run by Arizona State University, from whom I received a grant that is helping me fund part of this project. They publish other things on that site besides my "dispatches," as they call them. I'll alert them about the broken link.