lundi 10 décembre 2012

5 Mainstream Ads that can be used to promote porn.

There are
many people who seek in to the past for answers and sometimes they
realize that the past is not as good as they think, here are some examples of how some ads in the past were naively
(diabolically?) created as if they were really the ads for porn movies.

SKINLESS WIENERS FOR GOOD BOYS AND GIRLS.

The guy who
invented the sausages is nothing but a prankster, because there is nothing
funnier than penis shaped food, you may not know this, but before they use to be shoved the wieners in sheep intestine casings, yes
that is right you hear me sheep intestines!!, so suddenly the technology was
able to get rid off of the sheep intestines and there is when advertising geniuses decided that the best way to advertise the
product was with the following phrase:

Wieners
with No Skins!!

Please
don’t tell me I am the only one that is having all kind of dirty thoughts, I
know you too are thinking about circumcised penises, condom free sex and
much more, to me all this advertising it's like some of the first rap songs,
they give you enough info to start giggling, but not too much to be censored by the
main stream media.

TOSS THAT SALAD.

I really
don’t even use that phrase outside the sex arena, I am not quite sure if the
advertising executes in Heinz have any idea of how that phrase it was going to
be used in the future, I hope I don’t find other products called “Chocking the
chicken” or “Tickling the taco” in other cooking ads.

MICKEY WANTS TO PUT HIS MILK INSIDE YOU.

Just read
that phrase loud and change the word Minnie for your bosses name, ready?: “Inside of
you, Minnie- My milk is the best thing in the World!” when he arrives screaming
towards you, tell him you simply wanted to share this ad with him.

I am sure that you have heard all those crazy
theories about Walt Disney being part of some conspiracy theories painting pennises in the cover of his movies, and the word Sex in the Lion King Movie, well I don’t know you, but this ad makes
me very suspicious that all those stories were right and maybe Walt himself was
a little bit on the other side if you know what I mean ;)

WHAT ABOUT MENS UNDERWEAR? LETS GET DOWN TO
BUSINESS.

Let’s
suppose that every man that is reading this column is gay, but not just the
regular level of gay, but the most exhibitionist and flamboyant type there are,
even in that level I will bet my left nut that you are not hanging around on
your underwear as the gentlemen
shown in this ad.

Let’s
analyze the above ad, I really don’t know (because you guys never invite me to
your crazy parties), but I greatly suspect that it is not a common activity to
engage into a wrestling match with other men in your bare underwear, or this ad
is exaggerating the activity, the marketing executive simply lost their
market, or probably is one of those activities that people use to do back in
the day. Well at least the ad gives a little bit of context; the two men are in
a locker room and I want to believe that it was some common activity back in
the days, because I have been into many men lockers and I have never witnessed
anything like that.

Speaking
of…

I have
nothing against people dressing in ways that defies the gender expectations, but I think they should be a better way to sell
socks to men don’t you think? I mean I understand the men may love his
suspenders but I am not quite sure the market they are aiming for shares the
same passion.

THERE
MUST BE A BETTER WAT TO ADVERTISE BANANAS: MOST FLAVORFUL.

There are
so many things wrong with this ad that I am not going to start enumerating
them, I will simply say that there are two types of people I hate, those who don’t have fun and the people who made this ad.