To be angry at MIL even though she cleaned my house?

Just need a rant! I've been ill since Saturday with an awful cold, sore throat, high temp. etc. OH (other half) is on nights so I'm also looking after my 16-month alone who still doesn't sleep through and is also running a temp and fluey. Busiest time of the year at work (I'm a teacher and exams are coming up).I really am just surviving this week!

Anyway MIl was here this evening when I got home, I'm shivering from feeling so bad and just need a cup of tea and some paracetamol, instead she tells me she just HAD to clean the house as it was 'such a mess', she's HAD to put a wash on because 'poor lo' hardly had any clean clothes to wear, she couldn't find any fruit to give him after dinner because the 'fridge is empty', he's getting too many colds recently and really should be eating fruit (he has fruit and veg every single day!) Basically making me feel like the worst mother in the world. And didn't even ask once how I am. Called OH (other half) to vent and he says I'm over-reacting and should be greatful she cleaned 'for me'. I could hit something if I had the energy!

So, someone cleans your house but makes you feel like social services should be called, should you be greatful?

Comments (40)

I think it isn’t unreasonable to be feeling angry considering the way she put things. Some people genuinely don’t realise they are being really offensive and aren’t very good at emphasising with other’s situations. Has she put her foot in her mouth before?

It was nice to help out there is no denying but it definitley feels backhanded the way she has gone about it. If anyone were to say or judge my parenting I would feel the need to have a word. Even if it was just to point out that I am a good mum and how the comments made me feel otherwise.

Who knows maybe she will realise she has been a judgey monster in law and be horrified

No you shouldn't be automatically grateful if she does it in a backhanded way. When you do something nice for someone you shouldn't have to point it out, you should just do it for the sake of being nice. Sounds like she did it as a way to put you down.

But sure, clean house, score. Get your meds in and try and get some rest!

So you should be grateful for being judged and being told you’re the reason your child is sick? You’re sick and taking care of your child alone. Yes it’s great that you’re getting help but not if it means you’re being told you’re crap.

Her son is doing nights while his wife is sick and looking after a child that doesn’t sleep at night and she comes over and makes you feel even more shit? Sorry but I’d have told her to leave. “Thank you but I’ll take it from here. Cheers for the help but I could do without your horrid judgment”.

Can you do online shopping to get the food in and have friends round to help?

I’m so sorry you’ve been left alone with only someone like her to help.

My mum and mil (mother-in-law) have helped me when I’ve been disgustingly sick and have never made me feel like that. Even my cleanfreak mother. I’ve apologised for the mess and they’d tell me I was ridiculous as I’m dealing with two kids and being sick on my own.

That sounds quite controlling and she has completely belittled you. Regardless of whether it comes from a place of concern or whatever, she could be NICE about it. Especially as you're feeling unwell. I'd be mad. Hope you feel better!

As above other than to add your OH (other half) is being unreasonable.

Mine used to say things like 'I'll help you out with the housework'. Hell NO to that rubbish. If it's his house then it's as much his housework as it is yours. Why hasn't he gone food shopping or done a wash? He might be on nights but he hasn't had his hands chopped off.

I’d say to her I’m tired out now I had to clean all the house. If she says but she’s done it just smile sweetly and say ‘oh you know what it’s like, I’m just one of these people who thinks if you’re going to do something you have to do it properly or not at all. ‘

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