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It’s funny how some news just doesn’t penetrate even a well-informed person’s orbit. Lately a neighbor feud in a downriver suburb has gone national, and, well. It’s really a perfect story in that it features a psycho, a dead mother, a dying little girl and the word “outpouring.” Stories like this always have to feature an outpouring, usually of “support,” frequently “love” and lots of cash.

Short version: Some time ago, a dispute broke out between the Petkov and Edward families, who live across Detroit Street from one another in Trenton. It appears to be over a child’s birthday party invitation that may or may not have been extended to one of the Petkov children, although a text message was involved, so I can’t really speak authoritatively about the nature of the insult. In my circle, text messages are not used for party invitations. Anyway, the Petkov clan began to nurture a grievance against the Edwards, and sometime in recent days social networking got involved.

One reason the Edward family may not have been as attentive as they could have been to their guest list is that the mother of the family, Laura, was dying of Huntington’s disease, and their daughter, Kathleen, also has the disease, the rarer, fast-moving juvenile variety. Laura died last year, at 24; Kathleen is 7. But they all still hate one another. So somehow the Petkov matriarch, name of Jennifer, thought the proper way to respond to all of this was to doctor a photo of Laura Edward to show her lying in the arms of a Grim Reaper-type skeleton, and to take one of Kathleen and make her face the skull in a skull-and-crossbones photo, and post all of this on her Facebook page. Which is when it became a story.

But it wasn’t just a story, it was a TV story, and not just a TV story but a Fox TV story, and not even the regular 10 p.m. Fox newscast, but the extra one they do at 11 p.m., which is called “the Edge” and is where they stick all the stories for people who find the 10 p.m. version too intellectually challenging. Here’s the story. It’s a hum-damn-dinger. Jennifer Petkov appears to be auditioning for a part on “Real Housewives of Downriver.” As entertainment for the mouth-breathing masses, it’s hard to beat.

But the reaction is where it gets interesting.

First, the Petkovs were targeted by 4chan, which I once saw described as “the scariest hive mind on the internet.” Their address was posted, their employers’ addresses and phone numbers, the whole works. A whole henhouse full of eggs has rained down on their house, enough unordered pizzas to feed 10 football teams. Jennifer’s husband lost his job. It really and truly sucks to be them.

Which I guess is supposed to sound like a happy ending, but all it makes me think is, we live in one fucked-up culture, folks. Never mind the lunatic Petkovs and their Facebook. Why does little Kathleen even know about this? What kind of parent allows their sick child to be photographed for television? Why does she even know about the insult? And while it’s admirable that 90 percent of the outpouring is going to charity, why is our response to every high-profile misfortune or offense to shower the offended with cash and prizes? This has bugged me ever since the Make-a-Wish Foundation came on the radar screen, which sounds like a good idea on paper, and I guess it is, but doesn’t anyone ever see the essential horror in telling a kid, “Hey, Bobby, because you have a fatal disease, you know what? YOU’RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!”

(I once wrote some columns about a kid who was supposed to die of a fatal liver disorder. She went to Universal Studios, got to watch her favorite show taping, got to meet and have her picture taken with all the stars. Then she went home and didn’t die. Not only that, she was cured, more or less — a pharmaceutical company developed a synthetic enzyme that eliminated her symptoms and returned her to good health. Downside: The drug had an annual cost of $300,000 a year. The last column I wrote, her parents were miserable, because they believed she’d never be able to get medical insurance. They were probably right. But you know what that column got them? An outpouring. Not a big one, but it might have made their lives easier. I lost track of them after that. My guess is, the drug no longer costs $300,000, but who knows if the little girl, all grown up, has health insurance. She probably votes Republican.)

It has been a long, exhausting week. I have no bloggage, but I have a full day ahead of me to do whatever I want. I think I’ll start with a shower and see what develops. Have a good weekend, all.

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47 responses to “Families, feuding.”

brian stouder said on October 15, 2010 at 9:52 am

Well, I’ll try and stay on the mature side and not make any developments-in-the-shower jokes*, and limit myself to agreeing (vigorously!) with the societal point. Earlier this week, I watched a room full of hoosiers swoon for a libertarian galoot in our congressional debate**, and next week I fully expect a similarly underwhelming experience when we go the US Senate candidates’ debate in Fort Wayne. A similar slam-bang compaction of thought and emotion (much the way a garbage truck mashes all the refuse into a manageable mass) will surely ensue. I guess this is how it is, and probably always has been. It makes one wonder about the genuinely random nature of fate, afterall

*speaking of lurid imagery, have you seen those pomegranate juice commericials yet? Their Eve in the Garden one is positively HOT! (sorry, Julie)

**every time he drawled about “common sense” and “just do the right thing”, I wanted to ask him whether his common sense/right thing meme would have lead him to watch GM crash into the ground a year and a half ago; I suspect several thousand Allen County residents (at least) would want to know the answer to that.

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adrianne said on October 15, 2010 at 10:18 am

Make a Wish has always creeped me out…best take on that is the novel
“The Magic Kingdom” by Stanley Elkin, by turns hilarious and heart-breaking.

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Bob said on October 15, 2010 at 10:33 am

I’m with you on the creepy reflex of handing a kid a winning scratch-off ticket for entertainment as a consolation prize for dying young. However, I’m going to be making a “so long, forever” visit to a terminally ill friend whose end isn’t coming gently, and my own loss for words (or meaningful acts) reminds me to cut the make-a-wish, etc., folks some slack. This is a kind of sadness that leaves almost everyone doing and saying things that are trite, clumsy, useless or downright stupid. We just trust the dying to see through our stumbling to the something better we’d do if we could.

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Julie Robinson said on October 15, 2010 at 10:37 am

Our daughter knows a family whose daughter was cured of a childhood cancer, but as a young adult has been incapacitated by the side effects of her treatments 15 years ago. For her it was a pyrrhic victory.

Hey Brian that is a hot commercial, although I’m not sure what it’s really selling?

We saw The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee last night at IPFW and it is a laugh fest from start to finish. For those who live in the area, it closes this weekend, so put down your rakes for a couple of hours. Funniest song: My Unfortunate Erection. Which, the director told us afterwards, is often cut from productions, or changed to My Unfortunate Dysfunction.

The whole make-a-wish thing is ageist to the core. Just think what it would mean to a guy about to go in for hip replacement to get a round trip ticket to Amsterdam or a platinum membership at a titty bar. Bigger bang for the buck, if you ask me.

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Deborah said on October 15, 2010 at 10:46 am

“She probably votes Republican” that about sums it up!

In the six degrees of separation category Adrianne, Stanley Elkin was a neighbor of mine when I lived in St. Louis, he was on the faculty at Washington University there.

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alex said on October 15, 2010 at 10:49 am

Wow, Julie. If Souder were still our congressman he’d probably be threatening IPFW’s theater department again. How dare anyone have erections at a publicly funded university.

Unfortunately it looks like the favored candidate for Souder’s seat is a dim-witted right-wing ideologue with a high school education who owes his livelihood to farm subsidies but runs ads with overheated agitprop about the socialist takeover of America. It’s too early to tell whether he’ll follow in Souder’s footsteps and make a career of moralizing about art.

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Julie Robinson said on October 15, 2010 at 10:57 am

Oops, I just checked the program and the correct title is Chip’s Lament. Within context the song was innocent and hilarious. The director did tell us that it was cut from the touring company that played at the Embassy. And I noticed a disclaimer in the program about artistic value and not an endorsement by the university, blah, blah, blah. The chancellor was one of the celebrity spellers.

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4dbirds said on October 15, 2010 at 10:59 am

My daughter received a Make-a-Wish trip and didn’t die. The criteria is life threatening not necessarily fatal. I agree that it was weird but she was young enough not to put two and two together. She only remembers a fantastic family trip to Disney World. Not sure how the older sick kids handle it.

The late effects of my daughter’s cancer treatment are why I’m so passionate about real healthcare reform. She’s well enough that she’s not technically disabled but the treatment has left so many mental, emotional and physical issues that she’ll probably never hold a job that offers good healthcare. When she ages out of our insurance she’s on her own. She needs regular medication to live a decent life. She needs hormones for her nonfunctioning ovaries, for her thyroid, insulin for her diabetes and even growth hormone to replace the small amount that all adult bodies use. Those are just some of her medical issues. If the repugs repeal the new healthcare act, they don’t know the meaning of the word angry until they see me.

I remember once in the comments Mark mentioned that people like my daughter would qualify for a ‘program’. Well you know, she shouldn’t have to qualify for a program (and please let me know what that program is) because she’s an American citizen and we’re all deserving of the best this country offers.

As for those yahoos making fun of a sick family, I don’t even know what to make of them.

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Dave said on October 15, 2010 at 11:06 am

I’ll probably say this rather clumsily but if the child gets to do something (and I don’t think it’s always Disney World) they really yearned to do, I think Make-a-Wish is a wonderful thing. I seem to remember a boy who wanted to fly an airplane and they arranged that. I think another wanted to go deep-sea fishing.

Now, taking a child to a toy store and telling them to buy and buy some more, that’s silly to me, most of that stuff will be gathering dust in three months.

Bob, I’ve been faced with that too many times in the last few years and that’s a very difficult visit, we ended up talking about old times and wishing each other the best with pleasant comments. I find it very hard but necessary, one was a co-worker and some of my other co-workers wouldn’t go see him, they said they just couldn’t do it.

I went to school with a girl who was sick off and on from the time she was about six until she died at nineteen, I think it was a form of leukemia but not sure about that. As far as I know, she didn’t ever get to do anything spectacular in her life, and now she’s been gone forty years. Not really sure where I was going with that but I just thought of Karen and wondered if she ever got to do anything beyond going to the prom and graduating from high school.

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Sue said on October 15, 2010 at 11:06 am

Boy, not sure about the bad vibes for Make-a-Wish. Most kids in that situation aren’t focusing on the dying part; they’ve lived with painful medical care for months or years and still think their focus is on getting better. It’s unlikely a dying kid actually knows he’s dying and a break for the family from the day-to-day shit is probably appreciated. Especially since the family’s probably beyond broke by this point and couldn’t manage a happy meal, much less a trip out of town.
So put me in the pro-Make-a-Wish camp.
Now, Extreme Makeover, on the other hand…
Every time I see Ty what’s his name acting like a combination of Santa Claus and Oprah Winfrey on giveaway day I can’t change the channel quickly enough. Especially given how many people end up losing everything because they can’t pay the suddenly astronomical property taxes. No one thought of what might happen when their homes doubled or tripled in value?

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Jeff Borden said on October 15, 2010 at 11:25 am

My thoughts go out to Bob as he begins that tough conversation.

I had a number of deep discussions with my 86-year-old dad during the seven months he was treated for lung cancer. I knew he was a strong man –I remain awestruck by how much he did for us with so little– but those conversations deepened my respect for him a thousandfold. He was not filled with a false bravado. He did not want to die. But he also was not afraid of death. He also was not religious, so he was not jumping for joy at the prospect of being issued a harp and some wings. He was logical to the end.

I remember sitting in his kitchen, waiting for my nephew to arrive and drive me to the Cleveland airport, when I asked him if he was ready for the end. “I don’t know that anyone is ever really ready,” he said. I loved him for saying that. No platitudes, no cliches, just the truth as he saw it.

Jeff, for me, the loss of my dad has undergone a fairly comprehensive bit of revsionist history.

In the interests of avoiding an internet over-share, the thing that makes me rethink how I view him is that he died at the age of 53, and I’m now 49; and, making all applicable allowances for this and that the other thing, I simply cannot see myself making some of the decisions he was making

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mark said on October 15, 2010 at 11:56 am

Boy, so much here. For 4dbirds, in Indiana the programs are: CHIP and CSHCS (for children only), Hoosier Healthwise (for moderate income with uninsurable conditions) Indiana Medicaid (for low income) and MED works (allowing modest income to purchase Medicaid coverage at subsidized rates). There is one other one that has essentially no income limit depending upon the severity/expense of the pre-existing condition but a sliding scale premium. I don’t know the programs outside of Indiana. Like it or not, Obamacare is another “program.”

What is so hard to understand about an outpouring of kindness and compassion? From the story linked, the seven year-old might have noticed the neighbors’ deathmobile cruising up and down the street, even if she wasn’t surfing facebook. Since we are told that the story is followed almost exclusively by the worst of the fox news “mouthbreathers”, perhaps the difficulty is understanding why THEY would be charitable, since it is accepted truth here that those inferiors are motivated only by racism, ignorance and the occasional desire to have sex with children.

A dying child is still a child and still dreams of childish things. Why do we hold elaborate birthday parties every year for children when that ritual is discarded in adulthood? A dying seven year-old is likely to regret not playing baseball or “going to Disneyland,” not the lost opportunity to dance at a grandchild’s wedding or spend retirement visiting the world. I can’t find the downside to fulfilling the childish dreams of a dying toddler. No different, to me, than accommodating a dying octogenarian’s desire to see his children gathered together one last time.

As for the neighbors, something went wrong with their upbringing. They failed to learn how to distinguish between those who are deserving of ridicule, contempt and sincere desire for suffering and painful death, and those who are not. It is sometimes a fine line to draw, but much better than simplistic notions of treating others as you would like to be treated.

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nancy said on October 15, 2010 at 12:03 pm

For the record, I don’t think it has a down side, I just think it’s odd. What did we do with dying children before MaW came along? It’s nice that they get what they want, but the you’ve-won-a-jackpot aspect of it is unsettling. I remember Stanley Elkins’ book, Ace; in fact, I think you recommended it to me.

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nancy said on October 15, 2010 at 12:31 pm

Shorter Peggy Noonan: If those had been American miners, they’d still be down in that hole while our cerebral egghead president convened a bunch of studies and commissions and otherwise dithered.

As I was reading today’s entry I kept hearing Shirley Phelps Roper singing a song about how God hates fags and is punishing America by killing little girls and other people with Huntington’s, and the associated chorea is a flashing of devil-signs.
It’s just my way of saying yes, society in the U.S. of A. is indeed all effed up.

Along with the crazy-nutso theme, I was listening to a radio show and it was brought up that a few years ago a girl duo called “Prussian Blue” was touring, singing praise to none other that Adolf Hitler. I had to see for myself. It is a strange world.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKJA0kSPAYI

Mark, my question about programs was rhetorical. I’ve done my research and in the state of Virginia the programs equal zero. This is where I’m definately NOT a states rights person. Why should a sick person in Indiana get access to medical care that a person in Virginia can’t. They’re both Americans. Say what you will about Obamacare, I just signed my 24 year old back on my insurance during our open enrollment. I bet a lot of other people did too. They say the repugs are going to take back the house and will have to make at least a motion to repeal the healthcare act to satisfy their teabaggers. I can’t wait. There are a lot of people out there who just found out that the healthcare bill did them some good.

“The Sept. 28 inspection is part of an agency crackdown launched after 29 miners died and two suffered serious injuries in an explosion at Massey’s Upper Big Branch mine in nearby Raleigh County.”
Dither away, if you do it like that. Beats attending memorial services.
Thank goodness Massey fired a foreman and two miners, and suspended nine others. That should take care of the problem.

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Scout said on October 15, 2010 at 1:22 pm

I watched the whole “interview” with Jennifer Whatshername and almost couldn’t believe that it could be real, that there are actual sick fucks like her running around looking almost normal (until they open their Crunchwrap-holes.) Then I read the follow up report in which the lovely Jennifer had the audacity to whine about the world o’ crap that’s befallen her and her jackass husband. In my opinion, instant karma doesn’t happen like that nearly often enough.

4D birds: As you say, “we’re all deserv­ing of the best this coun­try offers.”
Yes. Why not? How bad does it have to get before we stand up and say,”We’re the best and deserve the best?”

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brian stouder said on October 15, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Peggy is just cribbing from Uncle Rush; from what I overheard, he was in full-rant mode yesterday, regarding the exceedingly good news from Chile. “Obama could never have done this; government could never have done this; only private industry and American know-how made this rescue possible” etc etc. And then at the news break, the first headline was how the president of Chile is advocating tripling the size of Chile’s oversight agency for mine safety, and wanting to investigate what went wrong, etc etc. So in the space of 4 minutes, the essence of what emanates from the Limbaugh bog was shown to be all swamp gas and stench, and no substance, as always

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Jolene said on October 15, 2010 at 2:05 pm

I’m not a WSJ subscriber, so couldn’t read all of Noonan’s op-ed. Did she mention that, just as in the US, the Chilean mine accident was the result of the failure of mineowners and operators to institute and, most important, enforce appropriate safety practices?

The Chilean rescue effort appears to have been incredibly well executed, but a little more cerebration in advance might have made it unnecessary. Further, the rescue was an international effort, with experts and workers from several countries participating, including the US.

I think I mentioned yesterday (sorry I have a serious case of vacationing fog brain) that I had a good friend die last year at the age of 64 of esophageal cancer. I dreaded visiting him in the hospice when he was dying but it turned out to be one of the high points of my life. He was so honest and so no cliches about it. I can’t tell you what it meant to me to visit him everyday as it was happening. He was only a few blocks away, so it was convenient for me to drop in on him on my way home from work, but even if I would have had to drive miles and miles in heavy traffic I think I would have done it. How selfish of me to look at his pain and suffering as a high point in my life, but it is true. He didn’t say anything profound, he just knew what he was in for and he spoke about it plainly and truthfully. I hope I can do that when my time comes. It turned out to be not in the least bit awkward, I decided to be frank and he did too. I will remember that experience forever.

4dbirds I’m right there with you if they repeal the healthcare act, I will be sooooo angry. Because my daughter has a preexisting condition, I’m not sure I will even be able to stay sane if that happens.

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4dbirds said on October 15, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Deborah, I got so close to my sister as she was dying. Again, it was nothing profound in what she said, it was the just spending the time together.

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alex said on October 15, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Deborah–

Mies fan that you are, I just had to mention this, if you haven’t seen it already:

Peter sent me this earlier. This is where the Sweet Juniper family lives.

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Jolene said on October 15, 2010 at 2:51 pm

I once read a Miss Manners column in which she answered a question from someone who brought up the “I wouldn’t know what to say” idea in connection w/ visiting someone who was dying. Her response was that, when it’s over, you want to be able to say, “I did what I could.” I found that very sensible, and it has stuck with me. As others have said, simply being present and open to what unfolds is a gift for the person who is ill, but one that brings rewards to the visitor as well.

4dbirds I’m right there with you if they repeal the healthcare act, I will be sooooo angry.

As Sue’s link points up, I’m almost ready to say that the real threat to the healthcare bill comes from the Judicial branch. When Sandra Day O’Conner spoke here last year, she kept referring back to how much deference the Court really has to pay, to the elected branches of government, when weighing sweeping change. What an irony it will be, if the rightwing Roberts court cashes in (so to speak) all that crap about “judicial restraint” and strikes down the healthcare bill. My understanding is that the lawsuit that several states have brought is progressing in the lower courts.

I don’t think it is too much to say that this would be a direct parallel with the Dredd Scott decision, wherein political accommodation (shakey though it was) gets destroyed by judicial fiat. In fact, we could give our 19th century congress credit for repealing the Missouri Compromise outright, before the Supreme Court swept in and undid everything.

By way of saying – don’t sweat Congressional repeal of healthcare; it’s the right wing majority on the Roberts Court that worries me

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4dbirds said on October 15, 2010 at 3:20 pm

I’m not in love with the current healthcare reform law. I want single payer but until then, I sleep a little easier knowing my daughter will get healthcare after she ages out of our plan or even after hubby and I are, uuhhmm ‘gone’.

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Deborah said on October 15, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Alex, funny how things that come around go around, I saw that Detroit Mies link on a design blog I read. Pretty cool. The one thing about it that I found interesting is how people decorate their homes. Since we live in a Mies highrise that has what has been called “voyeuristic proximity” to the other Mies building next door and we have units in both buildings, I often have uninterrupted views into other people’s units. Biedermier (spelling?) furniture seems really out of place in that setting, but not to many of my neighbors.

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MaryRC said on October 15, 2010 at 3:27 pm

Dexter, interesting that you mentioned the little girls of “Prussian Blue” because just yesterday Jezebel.com had a followup on them:

They’re 18 now and their touring days are over. The Jezebel article is more speculative than informative about their current sympathies — basically, mining their Facebook profiles which seems like a dubious source of information. Given that, apparently their profiles don’t show any current interest in white supremacy ideology.

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alex said on October 15, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Dorothy, there’s no accounting for taste. I lived in a modernist high-rise where one of my neighbors had installed the fattest crown moulding I’d ever seen and furnished the place like a Victorian drawing room. He and some like-minded vulgarians served on the condo board and put floral carpeting and chair rails in the corridors. I hope the folks in your association at least have the good sense to leave the public spaces as they were intended.

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Deborah said on October 15, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Alex, Deborah not Dorothy, but nevermind, the public areas of the Mies buildings are impeccably maintained in a mid-century modern aesthetic, but it takes a dedicated crew of resident designers to make sure that’s the case.

As far as I can tell, there’ve been six foreclosures for EM:HE (but one is one house twice, so five homes) out of 150 builds. 3% failure rate, especially if they learn from what’s not worked, doesn’t seem bad, especially if you consider some of the family situations they’ve thrown a lifeline into. I wish my weekday work had a 97% success rate.

We had a young woman at my wife’s church get a MaW offer, which quite frankly just leveraged and made efficient the local desire to do something good, for a kid who was not likely to die but was going thru heck on wheels as a 9th grader. She not only got to visit with Lady Gaga (yes, in Vegas), but she came back describing an experience that even a meat bikini doesn’t overwhelm in my mind: there was a wonderful moment for her and another young woman that obviously was meaningful to both the young person and the celebrity alike.

Police in Trenton say Jennifer Petkov was arrested today for ‘assault using a dangerous weapon’ and ‘reckless driving’ after she allegedly tried to use her car to run over a neighbor. This is the same woman who had been taunting a dying little girl, Kathleen Edward of Trenton, by posting disturbing photos on Facebook.

On Wednesday, neighborhood resident Tana Boling was on her way to Rebecca Rose’s house, the grandmother of Kathleen Edward. As she crossed the street she says Petkov tried to hit her. “Her car was in her driveway. I didn’t notice if anyone was inside, it’s just there. When I got so far into the street, she came speeding out of her driveway right toward me. If I didn’t get out of the way she would have hit me, there is no doubt,” says Boling.

Petkov remains in jail at this time, pending a bond of $75,000 or 10% paid for release.

Trenton police also tell Fox 2 that Petkov is currently under a six-month probation for disorderly conduct. The probation period began on July 5, 2010. (Fox News, Detroit)

So there’s a 6-year-old boy named Wyatt up at OHSU’s children’s hospital who would really like to be “normal” again. It seems to involve Doritos. But Doritos are verboten right now, as his failing kidneys are headed for dialysis–and that can’t start until his heart stabilizes. If things really go downhill, as I’m afraid they might, and Wyatt gets caught up in the make-a-wish thing, then…I’m all for it. As Mark said, a child wants childish things.

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crinoidgirl said on October 16, 2010 at 2:56 pm

The Wall Street Journal says that Lee Abrams has resigned from the Tribune Co.