LONDRES, Angleterre -- British Prime Minister Tony Blair today left Downing Street for the final time, a man weakened by constant public goading, peer pressure and dead arms given to him by John Prescott in the Houses of Parliament. At 1:45pm today, he announced his decision to quit with immediate effect:

It is with great sadness I announce my resignation. I would like to thank everyone who supported me, and take this opportunity to say that those who did not will surely rot in hell. Now I must retreat to the West Indies for my retirement party. None of you are invited, ingrates. Phrrrt.

He then left to get treatment from his private dentist, have his personal chef make him omelette and chips and departed the country in his private jet bought from eBay. He found out the hard way that anything bought from eBay will crash sooner or later. He survived with minor injuries, dammit.

Blair's announcement comes on the back of increasing pressure to actually do something other than watch Richard and Judy and eat cheese crackers. The deciding factor in the decision is reported to be the Internet community's vote: an increasing number of people are clicking the 'no' box on a 'Do You Like Tony Blair?' popup window.

Some say the popup was actually planted by the Conservative Party and the 'yes' box is a false link, leading to the unprecedented result of one hundred percent no, zero percent yes. Others argue that this is bollocks and Blair is, in actual fact, this unpopular. But they are probably just BNP followers.

When asked to comment on these allegations, Blair refused to answer, being as he was sunbathing on a beach in Barbados at the time. However, the presence of a similar campaign website inventively entitled Cameronisawuss.com that has recently emerged on the Internet may hold the answer.