HATE CHRONICLES: The ‘Everything Else’ Edition

As I sit here sipping on my Haterade, which is delicious by the way, I find more and more things that annoy me. This particular compilation doesn’t have a title; it’s literally everything else that comes to me at random times, but still very much deserves an honorary mention.

Dead cell phones – It’s one thing if I purposely leave my phone behind so as not to be bothered by the outside world. It’s another thing when I have no choice in the matter and it dies on me. It’s especially annoying if I’m the one at fault for having wasted my battery on Pandora and YouTube videos. What if I end up actually needing it for something serious? Like if an asteroid hits the earth and you have no camera to record it or when you’re being chased by a penguin or whatever. These things happen.

Coming in to work just to be sent home – This happens quite a bit, and it’s almost guaranteed to send your day straight into the pooper. Hardly ever does anyone care enough to inform you ahead of time that you won’t be needed. And god forbid you call ahead and inquire whether or not they do in fact need you that day because then you’re risking the “Oh yeah? Now you’re coming in just because you asked if there’s an opportunity for you to stay home. How dare you”. Welcome to power play. Definitely worth hating.

Cash – Before I get into how much I hate cash, let me just say that I actually love it; the more the better obviously. Make it rain and shit! Now… I hate the fact that cash is extremely difficult to keep track of. You go out with your friends; a twenty here, a hundred there, and before you know it, it’s all gone; and you’re just standing there going “Where the hell did it all go?? I’m not even drunk yet!” If you had paid for everything with a credit card at least you’d be able to see that your shots add up pretty quickly and it’s all justified after all. With cash, you always feel cheated somehow; like you can’t believe that you actually spent it all so you resort to theories like “I must have lost it” or “Someone must have jacked it”. It’s a very uneasy feeling not knowing where your money went.

Netflix– Netflix and I have a very love/hate relationship. It’s always there when I need it but it’s also one of the biggest enablers in my life. It’s bad enough that I don’t know when to stop with most things I do whether it’s eating or drinking or binge watching shows, but Netflix apparently doesn’t know how to stop either; it just keeps going. It swallows my entire existence whole and doesn’t even feel bad about it.

You Tube – You tube is even worse than Netflix. With Netflix you at least know what you’re getting into. You Tube plays on the curiosity factor of humanity. You watch one trailer for an upcoming movie; next thing you know you’ve spent two hours watching trailer after trailer for a bunch of ‘similar’ movies. They give you ten seconds to decide whether or not you want to watch the next one, and if no decision is made it just plays automatically. So technically you always have a choice to not watch the next video, but it’s always so damn hard. No matter how many movies you’ve seen, somehow You Tube always comes up with more new trailers for existing movies for you to watch. It’s not just movie trailers either; sometimes a good song creeps its way in and naturally it too is followed by a bunch of other songs and videos. Seeing as how I have no self-control, You Tube becomes a notorious offender in wasting my time, and I hate it for that.

Long voice-mails – If I wanted to listen to monotone speeches in digital form I would buy an audio lecture about dinosaurs. Voice-mails have two purposes: professional use and merely leaving the person you’re trying to reach a quick notification about the fact that you called just in case their phone was off or didn’t have service. Anything else can be said either in person or once you actually reach them. Lengthy, redundant voice-mails that resemble an entire conversation are completely unnecessary and incredibly annoying. And you always keep listening to them thinking that something important is coming up but it never does; just a bunch of nonsense.

Weddings – I hate what weddings do to people. I should know, I’ve witnessed a wedding at least once a week at one point. It goes from momzillas to bridezillas to everyone being stressed out until they’re wasted and trying to take their clothes off on the dance floor. And even if the general crowd is more or less okay, there’s bound to be at least one entitled bitch that thinks she runs the place. And it’s hardly ever anyone of any actual significance. They just think they are, because they know the friend of someone who grooms the dog of a guy who’s married to the cousin who also happens to be the wife of another cousin, twice removed.

Naps – How can one hate naps, right? Naps are awesome. You get to disappear into the darkness for a couple of hours where you’re safe and warm and nothing can touch you… And then you wake up, feeling groggy instead of refreshed. It’s probably 7 pm and you realize that you’ve wasted 3 precious hours of daylight, inevitably forcing yourself into the upcoming night of shenanigans because you’re sure as hell not going to sleep anytime soon.