Monday, April 15, 2013

A Marriage Post: Learning Through Our Mistakes

I've been married for just over eight years...& I have to admit, we've had some pretty AMAZING seasons as a married couple!

However, that being said, we've also been through a myriad of trials...hardships...and overall challenging circumstances....I'm sure like 100% of other married couples.

If I could sit down with a young girl, about to enter into the lifelong commitment of marriage, and she asked for my advice...although I realize there are people WAY more qualified to answer her questions, I could still share some principles that I've learned through my marriage.

Most of them I've actually learned through mistakes...

But...mistakes can become lifelong teachers if we allow them to.

So without further adieu I want to share with you:

***FIVE principles that will lead to a successful marriage:

1) You are NOT always right!!!

You may think you're RIGHT in a given 'discussion', but you may not be. Later knowledge that you become privy to may prove you actually to be in the wrong. Nonetheless, even if you are 'right', it is much more productive to focus on positive communication, and maintaining unity.

2) Get a LONG-TERM perspective!

Some situations require decisive changes...and others simply time & prayer! There have been some very distressing circumstances where I've felt like "things are NEVER ever going to change!!"...yet, 2 weeks, or 2 months, or even a year later, things can totally turn around. We need to watch our decision making in a time of testing. One wise person I know has said, "Don't make any major decisions when you are sitting in the dark."

3) Selfishness is the greatest killer of intimacy!

Not just physical, but emotional, and again affects the unity between a couple. Learn to serve one another. Serving one another breaks down 'walls' faster than any other activity I've found!

4) Be on guard for bitterness!

Bitterness is another destroyer of intimacy in a couple. If your spouse has hurt you (and believe me, you will hurt one another! Sometimes, & often, quite unintentionally) you need to choose to forgive. Forgiveness brings great healing, and although it takes humility, it will result in a stronger marriage. Of course deeper hurts may require outside trusted parties to give unbiased advice and support.
(***note: abuse & infidelity are much more serious, and will require more drastic measures to see if the marriage can be repaired. Those topics are beyond my scope of discussion today)

5) Learn to simply ENJOY one another!

Sometimes, life can be so busy, so serious, and so overwhelmingly stressful that we forget just how to 'play' together. Sometimes, we just need to learn how to sit together & enjoy one another's company. I have totally been guilty of NOT doing this! For us, with the very busy season of life we're both in, we need to schedule time for: date nights, short weekends getaways, and evenings alone.

There you have it; that's the advice I would give a soon-to-be married young woman.

Question for the comments: if you've been married for any length of time, what have you found beneficial to the growth of your relationship?

51 comments:

19 years this month! I'm finding that it's so much easier now to know that dh isn't being mean when he says something dumb, I'm just being sensitive or taking it the wrong way. Having a shared history really makes life sweeter.

These are awesome! And I love the pictures too, you are such a cute couple! ;)

We are going on 30 years of marriage and I would have said exactly what you said. Good advice, my friend.

But since you asked.....lol! I think I would say, to a young mom, accept that your husband has a brain in his head and don't think that YOU know it all when it comes to your child.

So many young moms, me included, have a hard time letting go and letting daddy have a say and let him parent. We tend to think that daddy is just "babysitting" and what mom says goes.

Because I learned to trust my husband's judgment and parenting, I think that my children had a richer, happier childhood because I would have "protected" them to death, lol!

Of course, I still had things where we had to compromise and sometimes we had to agree on certain boundaries and stuff because I DID worry, but they were allowed to climb trees (eeeek, dangerous!) and ride bikes (eeeek, dangerous) and even play flag football (eeeeek, dangerous!), lol!

Thanks so much for linking up to the "Making Your Home Sing Monday" linky party today! :)

great blog post Rachael! I believe, that if we have God first in our lives, everything else will be right. As God says, treat your husband as the head of your family and love will flow over... I struggle daily with my thoughts & emotions, but once I stop, pray and leave it with God, EVERYTHING else falls into place. It literally makes everything better!{of course, there are limits - ex. when abuse is involved}

Hi Rachael, great post,and I would love for you to guest post on Encourage 24/7. I have looked and maybe I missed it but i can't find your email. Could you please email me at teekaytee2@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from youGod blessTracy

I totally agree about marriages currently being attack! I have never seen the entire family unit so criticized in the political spheres as it seems to have been in various ways in the last few years. Thanks for sharing & stopping by!

Thank you for linking up with us today at the Hip Homeschool Hop! I love your blog! :) I too am thankful for my wonderful hubby, and I thought your suggestions in your post were very good ones. I've been married for 22 years. Some of them have been very difficult years, and others have been great. No matter what, though, my hubby and I try to keep the other's good in mind. That makes such a huge difference and helps us keep a happy marriage and family. Blessings to you and your family. ~Wendy

I think for only 8 years of marriage you have learned a lot of valuable lessons about having a healthy relationship. I've been married 41 years, and I can't really add anything to what you've written. It really does cover all the important aspects. Bless you.

Love these principles! Congratulations on your eight years of marriage. Maintaining unity through forgiveness, selflessness and productive discussion is right on target. Even though I'm not married yet… these have to be true for any relationship. Friday Flash Blog sent me here!

Hi im a new follower from the blog hop. Love your ideas and I think you are right. I have been married 34 years this year and it takes work at times lolIf you have time please come visit me atwww.jollyjillys.blogspot.comlove to met you

Love the advice! Here's mine ( not original to me, of course): don't let the sun go down on your anger.Thanks for linking up at From House to Home. The new party is up this week-- hope to see you there.--Gena

Excellent post (and really great pictures!!). This handful of advice is potent and powerful! Thank you for seeking to encourage and inspire people to invest in their marriages! And thank you for linking up with me last week at Walking Redeemed!

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About Me

Imperfectly perfect in His sight. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."