Is anyone dealing with a spouse that is detoxing?? Please help me to understand the emotions?

My husband is detoxing off suboxone and I don't know how to deal with the emotional roll-a-coaster. He was always so affectionatte when he was not trying to detox. He drinks some even though he knows that he shouldn't at this point. I feel so alone and seems like when he is with me all he wants to do is sleep. If I am at work then he might wants to hang with friends, walk around the park and do things. Why is it that he seems depressed when I am around. I am his biggest supporter and yet I feel like I can't have a opinion and that he doesn't want to be with me unless he is messed up. Any suggestions???

Responses (1)

AN

Anonymous6 Dec 2010

I don't know anything definitive to tell you except maybe joining a support group for the loved ones of addicts/alcoholics, such as Al Anon. It should give you a good sounding board where you will also receive support and understanding. Believe me your husband feels weird inside and is probably scared. He may be experiencing both mental and physical symptoms. In his own way, by sleeping, he is showing you he feels safe with you and probably fears being rude, sharp or anxious with you, so he sleeps to avoid that. I know of at least 4 male suboxone patients who reported very low testosterone counts, which can affect libido and other things. You might ask him to have his doctor check to make sure that his testosterone has not bottomed out and that also will make him tired and nervous. Hope you will stay on here with us, we will be glad to support you. Good Luck Patti

Thanks Patti, I am trying so hard. I have done all kinds of research to try and help him detox the correct way. I have also got him accepted to several 30 day treatment centers and it is always some sort of excuse. He says that he wants to be off the suboxone, but I am wondering now if he really does. I am so tired of being told that I am mean or I am hateful. He needs to realize that this is so hard on me. I can't do anything without worrying about him. If I am asked to work overtime at work, knowing we need the money, it is hard because I know that I have to worry about him drinking or trying to find a suboxone from one of his friends. I feel like the only time he loves me and appreciates me is when he is drinking or on some sort of high from a pill. He says I am pushing him away when I tell him how I feel by all of this. How long do I have to keep feeling this way and keep my feelings to myself. I am falling apart.

We are newlyweds and I really don't want our marriage to end, but he needs to get help, my help I am afraid is hurting our marriage. Thanks for listening..

AN

Anonymous6 Dec 2010

Dear Rita, I am so sorry for all the bad and hurt. He is frightened of coming off everything and being really sober. The question gets asked here all the time, I am on suboxone and I want to know if I am considered sober. I have answered it before without really thinking about extenuating circumstances. My answer should have been, if a person is not drinking alcohol or taking ANY other medication that can cause a high, yes they are sober, but if they are drinking, or taking benzos( which is supposed to be forbidden on subs by the way, unless the person is being treated for seizures on them) they are NOT sober, he is simply off other opiates. I hope that didn't sound too harsh, text can be cruel as I can not put an empathetic sound to my voice with it, believe me it is there. You really need a support system or 2, we will do it here, but AL Anon is cheap, readily available, and it works. Please consider that for your own good.

If I were you, I would have a plan in place in case I had to leave, I know you don't want to, and you think that is abandoning the marriage, but, you may have to if even for a while, if not for you, for him. If you can give me a bit more info on how he is trying to get off subs( amount of time on subs, drug of choice b4 subs and length of time on that, how he is tapering the subs down, how old he is,) it might help me tell you a bit more about whether he is ready to taper off and if he actually sounds like he is tapering off. Thanks for answering me. Patti

Thanks again for your reply Patti.. Here is a little on his background. He went through a reabilitation about 2 yrs ago in Florida and he says it was wonderful. He came out and done well but was married to another woman at this time and I guess she didn't support him much. He also found out that while he was gone, she was messing around with his so called best friend. So his soberness didn't last long. His 16 yr old son decided to live with him and so he got back on suboxone and decided to try to get clean. He does way better than he had, but has a way to go. He is 41 and has been on suboxone for about a year now. He is cut back to 2mg a day and getting ready to cut back to 1mg, we are trying this for about a week and a half before we go any lower. Although, seems like now he is drinking more, which is not good. He is also taking Zyprexa and Seriquil. He is become so distant and cold towards me also and I am only trying to help him.

There is a place in Florida, The Watershed, that is willing to take him Thursday or Friday. I really think this needs to happen because it is just to hard on our marriage and the kids are not stupid. We have two in the house, his son 16 and my daughter 16. So when you get a chance to write back, let me know what you think. Thanks so much and God Bless