Dear Besetting Sin....

Dear Besetting Sin,

I've been evaluating my life lately and I want to make some changes. This is not an emotional letter, I've been brooding over what I am about to say to you for months....NO, years.....NO, almost a lifetime. In short, this relationship isn't working for me anymore. Care to read on?

Let me explain :

When I met you many years ago, I was introduced by a mutual friend. She thought she was doing me a favour by hooking us up. I was grateful at the time because I didn't know better. You were so smooth! You came in with your bright smile and intense eyes. I was mesmerized by your gaze. You convinced me that you were everything I would ever want, and before I knew it, I was sucked into the vortex of a whirlwind romance. Who could have been more spontaneous than you? When I least expected it you would visit me. Your pursuit was so intense that I had to respond. When I fell into your arms you crippled me with pleasure. You wasted me in such a complete way that I submitted to you in sweet surrender. I couldn't get enough of you. I was hooked.

Even while we were courting, though, I saw the red flags. I saw the way you left me feeling used and abused. I knew that somehow guilt always followed our escapades. I just convinced myself that if loving you was wrong, I didn't want to be right! I saw the changes in my spirit after you touched me. I felt....DISTANT...DIRTY. God had less space to abide after you were through with me. It felt like I had to choose. It was crazy how I was so ready to choose you over God every time, even though God had been good to me from the beginning. I suppose my deceived heart was more captured by the passion of our escapades than by the constancy of God. You seemed more exciting to my naive heart. Loving you was so turbulent. Why did I stay? I should have known, shouldn't I? I should have seen...I did see. I should have acknowledged...I didn't want to acknowledge. In the midst of your pleasure, there was always pain. I suppose that's why I always went back to you. I kept hoping that you would provide me some fresh pleasure to erase the previous disappointment.

I should have left you then, because I knew that I was paying a price for the chaos that was our love, but instead I did the most irrational thing...I married you! I suppose after being together so long, it was the most logical step! You were all I knew. You were my first love. Did I expect things to improve? Did I think that commitment would make things less tumultuous than they were? I don't know what I was thinking. As soon as we were married, your dark side came out in full force. It was as though you drugged me. You enslaved me with your seductive sorcery. I was under a spell. I desperately wanted out, but I couldn't see the way. I would gather all of my will power, but it was nothing in the face of your dominance. I was trapped.

Luckily, one day when I had lost all hope, I remembered my God. I remembered the person who loved me before you, even though I never had appreciated Him. I called Him once, while your back was turned. Did you know that? Guess what? He came running. He spoke to me that day and it was the first time that I saw the light since I had gotten mixed up with you. He listened to me admit how much I hated to love you. He saw the scars on my face. He saw the bruises on my back. He even saw the contusions on my heart. I told him that I wanted out of our marriage, but I couldn't see how. I was stuck. He looked at me and I expected pity...condemnation, but instead I saw HOPE. Do you know what He told me? He told me that He understood that marriage was until death, but that I could have death if I wanted it. You see, He died on the cross so that I could die with Him, and so be free from my marriage to you!!!! The thought of death was so scary. I felt like I had never lived being married to you. Dying seemed so final..like such an END. Then He showed me that He had the power of resurrection. He had died AND ROSE AGAIN. I could too!! I could die to my past life...AND I COULD RISE AGAIN TO A NEW ONE!!!! As he spoke to me, tears fell from my face. I could live a new life!!!

So, my dear. I guess what I am saying is...I took His hand that day, and I died. Our marriage is no longer valid. I know that I didn't consult you. I know that you wish that I regret my decision, but I don't! Even after I rose again I kept talking to you. I suppose you were familiar. I remembered our history. However, I know that YOU KNOW that things are different now. You don't have power over me like you once did. I am not as enamored with you as I once was, and quite frankly, this isn't working anymore. There is nothing keeping us together but my fears of cutting ties. There is no contract, no bondage, no debt. I am free! I am really free!

So, I suppose you can say, "It's not you, it's me". I am leaving you. I didn't really need to give you notice, but then again, I suppose you have realized by now that this letter is more for me than for you.