Check out this 8-month review of Watch Gang! My dad recently shared this awesome subscription service with me, so I thought I would share it with all of you. For a guy who already LOVES watches, this is a fantastic idea!

There are a million reasons why people all over the world struggle with what seems, on the surface, to be a simple enough concept. Some are self-conscious to such a degree that they are afraid to express their true feelings and opinions. They feel like their social circle wouldn’t approve or accept them if their honest thoughts conflicted with that of the group as a whole. Others seek personal gain while climbing the proverbial “ladder” and know that there is no room for individuality on this assembly line to success. In quiet moments of reflection a veiled battle rages within, measuring this “success” against the reality of losing oneself in the shuffle. Some fear literal harm, whether physical or emotional, if their true self were exposed to the masses. Members of the LGBTQ community who live their lives courageously every day, who have not yet graced the public with their purest of self. Normal, everyday interactions or expressions of love are often tainted by the swirling thoughts of who might see this expression and react in a negative way. Thus sparking the intrinsic debate of whether or not expressing their love is actually worth the risk. The children whose hearts nearly beat out of their chest as their anxiety grows, moment to moment, waiting for that terrifying event of simply stepping onto the school bus. While everyone else is strolling down the halls, finding their seat in the classroom, laughing with their friends; these kids are scanning every inch of their surroundings hoping they can just make it 15 more feet without someone tripping them, shoving them or demeaning them in front of their classmates. Unfortunately, the list goes on….

Though there are many individual reasons why people find it difficult to just be themselves, there is one trait that often ties many members of these groups together, and it’s something that the majority of people don’t like to even utter out loud; depression.

I still feel a bit of anxiety even typing it.

Depression.

As I contemplated writing this, I started to feel anxious about how people might react to this conversation. Notice I said “conversation” as opposed to topic or blog post. That’s because my hope is that all of you reading this will join me in a conversation, using the comment section below, to share your thoughts, opinions and ideas on this somewhat taboo subject.

I have had numerous interactions with depression in my lifetime, many of which did not end the way I would have wanted. I’ve known several people who have had their life impacted in a major way by the workings of that dark cloud that hovers over their own head or the head of a loved one. I’ve known far too many beautiful souls who have ultimately made the choice to “take control” of the one thing they felt they could still control; their existence in this world. While these moments are filled with sadness, mourning and a wide array of emotions to sort through and untangle, I do my best to stay away from judgement. Truthfully, I do my best to steer clear of judgement on a regular basis because, for starters, who am I? Another reason I strive for empathy is because I have firsthand experience with this unseen monster lurking in the shadows.

Like a lot of people, I cannot pinpoint when it actually started. There is no moment in my mind where I see the darkness suddenly encapsulate me. There are many instances I could point to over the years as suspects; my first marriage failing due to infidelity, losing my mother to ovarian cancer, fighting to pull my best friend back from the brink of suicide only to lose him to leukemia instead. My life is no different than others, I don’t point out these moments to differentiate myself from the rest of you. I point them out to show that we all have struggles, big and “less big” (I won’t diminish them by calling them small), many unseen by the larger population. Some people are able to navigate these challenging moments in their lives and still bask in the sunlight. Others of us search for the suns rays only to find that the beams have diminished to an intensity no longer able to warm our souls.

Being the rational minded person that I am, I wanted to find the culprit, to identify the catalyst to this dark cloud I could not seem to escape. I really wanted to find that defining moment, I NEEDED it! Why? I needed someone or something to blame. If I could just find that one event, that one person, that one thing that happened TO me, I wouldn’t have to admit that this just WAS me. I mean, who wants to admit that?? Now, I don’t say that to imply that a person should give in to the realization that this is just how things are going to be. I say that in the context of, you can’t expect to win a battle if you don’t even know who or what you are up against. I needed this realization to take the next step, I needed to OWN it. This wasn’t an easy task and it took a lot of time and grueling self-reflection, but once I was able to own it, I was finally able to make changes in my life to deal with it. I am happy to say that I am now in a much sunnier place and have been for quite some time. Now that the world around me has been illuminated I am able to see things I could not see before. I am also able to look at my struggle from a much healthier perspective. This has allowed me the opportunity to ponder not just the negative side effects of depression but to also look deeper and find the positive effects of my journey through this barren wasteland. I thought I would share just a few of the rewards of my depression….

Self Confrontation—

This may seem obvious, but my journey would have never even began without a healthy dose of self-confrontation. It is so much easier to operate under the assumption that I am perfect and the world around me is terrifyingly awful and needs to change. Now, there are plenty of things about the world today that are terrifyingly awful and need to change, but that is another conversation for another day. Like any journey, before you begin your self-confrontation I would suggest you pack a bag. Some items I recommend are an umbrella because it’s likely to rain, a compass because it’s easy to get lost and chocolate….lots and lots and lots of chocolate (no explanation needed).

Writing one blog post can only begin to paint the picture of how long and arduous a task it was to finally see me for me. Reflecting on my emotions and my reactions to any and all situations is a never-ending process for me. I like to analyze EVERYTHING, just ask my wife, it’s one of her favorite things about me. I’ll let you decide if that was sarcasm or not. The thing about over-analyzing is that every time you think you are on to something, another variable enters the equation. With too many variables involved a problem becomes nearly impossible to solve. This could be why I am so terrible at making decisions, which is my wife’s second favorite thing about me. With regard to my mood, my demeanor, my motivation (or lack of), my social interactions, my communication, etc., not being what I wanted them to be, there was always an unlimited amount of variables to grab my attention and lead me into the “well, maybe….” train of thought. Believe me, when you are searching for a third party to blame, there are a million “shiny objects” to attach that blame to.

After unsuccessfully searching for the guilty party for far too long, I finally started looking at things from a different angle. I started to wonder, what if it doesn’t matter where it all began? Do I really need to have someone to blame to make a change? Do I like the way I feel or do I want something better? Which is more important, the source of the problem or the source of the solution? Questions like these led me to the decision to shift my thinking toward finding a solution. I can only control what I can control. Even if I found the one true moment to blame for everything, would my life be forever changed, or would changing my life require more? I realized that the reason my mood, my motivation, my social interactions and all the things listed above weren’t what I wanted them to be wasn’t because of someone or something else, it was because of me. That was just who I was at that point, so that was what other people were going to get. I couldn’t give more because I didn’t have more to give. Why did I feel so empty? Why couldn’t I just DECIDE to do more, to give more, to be more? Surely I don’t….do I….no….I have depression.

Clearly, this is not the only time I have utilized self-confrontation. This journey just helped me to understand and appreciate the process on a deeper level. I am thankful for the knowledge and experience I have gained by looking inward as opposed to outward. Like I stated earlier, the process is never-ending, the journey is never complete. Self-confrontation has led me to major realizations regarding my social, parental and relationship interactions and my hope is that I can continue to grow and refine myself as an individual each and every day.

Empathy—

I honestly believe that if we want to change the world we live in, if we want to begin solving the problems that have plagued multiple generations, empathy MUST be the foundation. There are many other tangible factors such as education and resources, yet if the world feels no empathy we will continue to fall short.

Experiencing the many challenges in my life and utilizing the self-confrontation I just spoke of, has helped me develop a more genuine sense of what empathy really means. As I wrote in Sometimes when you lose, you actually….loseI believe that we often confuse empathy with sympathy. We all have those moments when we see something in the news, maybe a report on a racially motivated crime, a social injustice or even the hurricane victims in Houston. We feel terrible at the sight of these things and maybe even a little guilty. Some might even be compelled to change the channel because they just can’t deal with all the “negativity”. The next day they may post about it on Facebook, while sitting in the drive-thru at Starbucks, with an encouraging caption about how things will get better. They do feel honest emotion toward the situation, they feel sorry for the people involved, they even acknowledge it as a real problem, it’s just not their problem. This is sympathy.

Others will see the same reports, then immediately go online to seek out additional information. They will look for more details on the people affected or for ways to volunteer. They will pull out and study their budget to see where they could make a sacrifice this month because someone has to do something. They will find themselves at a shelter handing out supplies and hugging strangers. They will show up at a rally even if they feel slightly uncomfortable being there. They will picture their own friends and family in these dire situations and just the hypothetical may bring them to tears. They don’t see strangers who live far away and they don’t see a problem way off in the distance. They see unrealized friendships and a shared problem in need of a shared solution. They realize that regardless of our physical or socioeconomic distances, we are all individual pieces of the same puzzle. We are in this together; when you hurt, “we” hurt. This is empathy.

Now, before you jump to the conclusion that your Facebook post is being unfairly judged or that frequenting Starbucks is a character flaw, that is not the point I am trying to make. I personally love Starbucks and I don’t have time to be analyzing your Facebook post, these are merely examples. The truth is, only you know your own inner thoughts and feelings and they are yours to keep.

So, how does this tie in with my experience with depression? I learned through my own experiences what it is like to be in that dark place. I learned more personally what the phrase, “everyone is fighting an invisible battle you know nothing about” truly meant. I learned that anything can happen to anyone at any time. In the simplest of terms, I learned to let myself “feel” more, not to run away. When you see that news story that hits you right in the gut, don’t turn the channel, feel it. Let it resonate and let yourself live in that moment if only for a short time. The more we work to put ourselves in each others shoes, the closer we get to making this world a brighter place.

Strive for happiness, not perfection—

As I mentioned previously, I have personally known many people who struggled with depression. In almost every case, I was aware of their depression long before I took ownership of my own. A common question I used to have, and that many of you may have also, is why don’t they just get help? It seems so obvious, if you need help, ask for help. I have always supported the idea of acknowledging and treating depression by whatever means necessary. Whether that is with therapy, medication or a combination of the two. I have encouraged multiple friends and family members to take the leap and use these methods that are available to them. I never felt like I judged a person or thought differently of them for doing so. I couldn’t understand why there were tools at their disposal, yet they chose to find reasons, often what I felt like were just excuses, not to utilize them. It wasn’t until I found myself in the dark depths of a lonely cavern that I finally started to understand where they were coming from.

When you are in the process of slipping further into depression, you often do not even realize it is happening. You know the light is dimming, but because of the stigma attached, depression is the last thing you want to acknowledge. So, you just keep walking, in the direction you feel is further from depression, you try to distance yourself from it. Each step you take leads you further into the looming darkness. You feel like putting distance between yourself and depression is the “right” thing to do, even though you are also putting distance between yourself and the light. Once in a while, you even acknowledge that it’s getting REALLY dark in here, but you don’t look back because you know what’s back there. You begin getting comfortable in the darkness, it’s easier to hide there anyway. You have moments when you peek back over your shoulder and you can see the soft glow of the light and you even long to feel the warmth of the sun.

So, if you see the light, if you are drawn to it, why do you stay in the darkness? It’s so cold in here and the sunlight is practically BEGGING you to step under its rays. Why wouldn’t you just turn around and sprint?! Because you know what is out there. You know the only way to reach the light is to acknowledge what was there all along. You also know WHO is out there. Everyone. You’ve been alone in this dark cave for so long, you didn’t even realize you weren’t wearing any clothes. As you inch toward the light, you see it now. You want the light, you want the sun, you want your friends and family, but how bad do you want it? If you go back out there now, you will be walking out naked in front of EVERYONE while holding hands with your depression. Is it even worth it?? As you inch closer to the light, it is almost blinding. You squint to see who is out there and plan your next move. Will people mock you for what they see? Is it better to be alone in the darkness or be judged in the light? Can you really do this??

It’s a question that not everyone answers the same way. For me it came down to a battle between happiness and perfection. All too often we find ourselves striving for perfection. We want to have the perfect body, the perfect job, the perfect family, the perfect home, the perfect car, the perfect clothes and we strive to portray this perfect life whether we actually have it or not. The truth is, nobody has it. Regardless of how perfect someone’s life appears outwardly or through social media, nobody, and I mean nobody, has a perfect life. Once we realize that, it can be liberating. If you can wrap your head around the fact that perfection is just not a reasonable expectation, then work your way to the next realization, that happiness is a VERY reasonable expectation. We have to stop thinking that appearing perfect will make us feel happy and realize that feeling happy will make us appear perfect! The pursuit of perfection is for others, the pursuit of happiness is for ourselves; and sometimes it is ok to be selfish!

If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, please reach out for help. You are not alone. Resources available:

Thank you for spending a portion of your day with me. If you enjoyed reading this post please LIKE, COMMENT and SHARE. Have a great day!!

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]]>https://lazy40yearold.com/379-2/feed/0I know, I was right where you are.https://lazy40yearold.com/i-know-i-was-right-where-you-are/
https://lazy40yearold.com/i-know-i-was-right-where-you-are/#respondMon, 28 Aug 2017 07:30:34 +0000https://lazy40yearold.com/?p=326

Here I am, almost 2 months into my Thrive experience and this is my first blog post. Well, let me tell you why….

I was just like most of you. I see the pictures, I read the posts; sometimes I smile, sometimes I roll my eyes. I know that I’m tired and would love an energy boost, but this can’t be the solution. The people slangin’ this stuff are only doing it because they failed miserably at their Amway business. It’s a pyramid scheme! I don’t want any part of that. I’m just gonna get a bunch of spam in my email and people are going to pressure me to spend a bunch of money on products that don’t even do anything. I can’t afford it anyway. Man, she looks a LOT different. He is so upbeat now, seems full of energy, must be faking it. Why won’t he stop posting about this stuff?? I don’t want to have to feel pressured into buying something just because he’s my friend. What is this stuff anyway….

I’m sure I am missing a TON of random thoughts people have had while scrolling through Facebook, but those were a few I have experienced personally. I was on the fence, I didn’t know if I really “believed” this stuff would work. I wondered if it was more of a money making scheme than a health product. Was it just some pyramid that was making a couple dudes at the top crazy rich while the rest of the group held the wool over their own eyes.

Then I saw my wife start to feel better. I saw her personally experience the benefits of the joint support. I will never forget the day we were sitting in the living room watching TV and she wanted to get something from the kitchen. Pretty normal occurrence, no big deal, right? Well, that was until I realized that she just popped up off the couch quicker than I had seen her get off the couch, maybe ever. I called her out on it and I’m not sure if SHE even realized what had just happened. From that moment, I was intrigued. My intrigue didn’t lead to instant purchase, as it seemed pricey and I wasn’t sure I could afford it. Then one day, after watching my friend’s posts on Facebook for WEEKS, I finally decided to make a move. I saw what it was doing for other people and I wanted to know for myself whether this stuff was real or not. So, I decided to give it a shot. I told my friend, Mandy, I was excited to try it out but I was really unsure as to whether or not I would be able to continue, I still didn’t feel like I could afford it. She told me that I would be surprised at the money I would save in other areas. Things like, not drinking coffee or soda, not craving fast food, having more energy to cook at home, etc….I thought, yeah, we’ll see.

The first day, it was kind of like Christmas, I was excited to open my gift! I took the capsules, and then took a shower. After getting dressed I went to the kitchen and mixed up my shake; it actually tasted pretty good! Then I took one of those crazy little patches and stuck it on my arm. I wasn’t sure if I wanted people to see the patch yet, since I was just starting and still not sure if it REALLY worked, so I placed it high enough to be covered by my sleeve. Midway through my work day, I was certain I felt something. I couldn’t pinpoint it, but I just felt awake and alert, even at 2 pm when my eyes usually got heavy. Not today! I rolled through my work day and headed home feeling good. A few more days went by with the same routine and I felt as if I was almost building momentum. I had enough energy that I would get up at 5 am, go to work all day, get home around 6 pm and didn’t even want to sit down. After a few weeks, I couldn’t deny it any longer, I was changing. I hadn’t had a cup of coffee since the day I started (and still haven’t) but I was full of energy every morning. I ride a state employee van to work every day with about 12 other people and one day I happened to look around and noticed that I was 1 of only 2 people actually awake in that van. The other person, luckily, was driving the van. I was drinking TONS of water, had been eating less at each meal and not snacking nearly as much (the appetite suppressant had a big impact on my eating habits). I no longer had that “heavy” blah feeling, I just felt lighter and happier. My mood was so much more upbeat that I noticed it myself. I would think, I am talking WAY more than I used to my coworkers and really enjoying it.

After the first month, I knew I was going to continue on through the 8-week experience. I decided to upgrade to the Black Label DFT patches and see if I noticed a difference. I have been using the Black Label now for a few weeks and I would definitely say the energy if amazing. Turns out, Mandy was telling the truth, I was shocked at the money I saved not running out for a morning coffee or grabbing fast food for lunch and dinner. My appetite in general had been curbed so I was no longer having cravings like I was before. I thought, wow, maybe I can afford this. Well, even better, a few friends had seen what it was doing for me and wanted to give it a shot for themselves. Thrive has an incentive program that allows you to get your products FREE if you have 2 active customers order for themselves. So, I feel great, I’m saving money AND I am no longer even paying to use the products! I still feel like I am building momentum, that has not stopped. I am also down 6 pounds without making any intentional changes to my diet or my (non-existent) exercise routine.

To everyone who is reading this and still thinking, “yeah, yeah, yeah, keep talking used car salesman” I just want you to know one thing, I absolutely 100% do NOT want to sell you some crazy health products that you don’t want or need. I have no desire whatsoever to “trick” people that I care about into spending money on some whacky pyramid scheme. All I wanted was to try it out for myself and all I want now is to keep feeling better than I’ve felt in a really long time. Why do I post online? Sometimes I just feel great and when you feel great, you want to share it with your friends! Other times I am excited about what Thrive has done for my friends, myself, my wife and my dad and his wife and I want people to know that their own personal Thrive experience is right here for the taking! I am not a salesman, it has never been something I have wanted to do. I also consider myself a very genuine person and I hope that my friends and family know and believe that about me as well. I’m just happy, full of energy and optimistic for the future and Thrive is a big reason why. So, if you ever get to the point where you are so tired of being tired and you think, “What the hell, let’s give this a shot” I would be happy to help you. I would also be happy for ANYONE to help you! Sign up under my wife, my dad, my friend Mandy, it doesn’t matter because this is about YOU, not me.

One thing I know for sure, after sitting here until 2 am typing away, I’m gonna be REALLY thankful for that extra energy boost tomorrow!

Hunched over, hands on my knees, sweat dripping down my face and falling to the court. I look up at the scoreboard; down by 2 with 11 seconds remaining. I take the inbound’s pass and hustle up the court surveying my options. As I cross mid-court I make the pass to the right wing; 9 seconds remaining. I follow the pass and set a hard screen allowing my teammate to dribble back to the left and down to the free throw line; 7 seconds remaining. He gets cut off at the free throw line and I instinctively step back behind the 3-point line and call for the ball; 5 seconds remaining. The pivot provides space, the pass is on target, the ball reaches my hands; 3 seconds remaining. My feet are set, I’m on my toes; I was ready for this moment before the pass was even made. I rise into the air, my form is good, the release feels natural; 2, 1….the ball bounces off the back of the rim as the buzzer sounds. We lose.

It is a fact that not every story has a perfect ending, especially in sports or any other form of competition for that matter. The reality of competition is, when someone wins, someone else loses. Losing sucks, I am not a fan. It really doesn’t matter what the competition is, if I am in it, I am in it to WIN it. That competitive spirit was recently unleashed again during a random and overall meaningless competition between my wife and I last weekend. Now, don’t get me wrong, we had a lot of fun with it and ultimately, if I am going to lose, there is nobody who I would want to lose to more than my own wife. The competition started as just a funny idea but over the weekend, turned into a legitimate competition. A competition which, much like the story above, I lost. Moving on….(I’m totally over it.)

As many of you already know, I have 4 kids and I love to watch them compete. My daughter has been a swimmer and a volleyball player and my boys continue to play a variety of sports including baseball, basketball, football and soccer. Inevitably, over many years of watching them compete I have witnessed each of them experience heartbreaking losses. After these losses, as a parent, I am still extremely proud of my kids and of course I do not want to see them sad or hurting. So, I remind them that I am still proud of the job that they did, I am proud of their effort, their competitive spirit and the way that they never gave up all the way to the end. Sometimes this is well received, though more commonly it is not. There are not many true competitors who could listen to someone tell them how good they did immediately after suffering a loss. This means that our post-loss conversations are relatively brief in nature, as I would prefer to keep caged the angry beast which lives inside each of them. Once time has passed and attention has been turned to something entirely unrelated, I try to revisit these losses. Just as before, sometimes it is productive, sometimes…..well, you know. As we revisit the not so fond memory, I try to make sure they learn something from the experience. What could be improved upon? What can be controlled? I believe that every loss comes with a learning opportunity. Sometimes you really have to squint your eyes or wait for the fog to clear, but even when it is difficult to see, it is always there. This is why I believe that losses can have a huge impact on developing a strong character and a strong spirit. Figuring out how to deal with not getting what you wanted even though you tried as hard as you possibly could, is a harsh but important lesson to learn.

I believe that in today’s world we have become hypersensitive to people’s feelings and emotions. I believe that developing a deeper capability for empathy is crucial for progress to occur in our society. Where I think we are missing the mark in a lot of ways is by confusing sympathy with empathy. Instead of having empathy for our children and joining them on their journey through the valley of hurt and disappointment, we have sympathy for them, we feel pity and sorrow for them and we want to take their hurt and disappointment away. Instead of letting them own their situation and learn from the experience, we want to deflect and distract and ultimately rob them of some of their best opportunities for real growth. I’m sure you have heard the phrase, “You can learn more from a loss than you can from a win” and I believe that is a true statement. The issue is, you have to truly experience the loss for the learning to begin! I don’t think that you SHOULD get over it immediately or just let it go. I think that you should sit in it, stew in it and truly FEEL it before you move on. This is what makes great competitors, great. They know what it feels like to stew in a loss and they NEVER want to feel that way again.

The negative effects of this empathy/sympathy mix-up can be seen in many ways. My son’s elementary school now gives out the same ribbon to everyone after each event at field day, to avoid hurt feelings. There are now youth baseball leagues that don’t even keep score; yes, that’s a thing. Hell, they can’t even have “Perfect Attendance” awards anymore without adding 3 additional categories of “ALMOST Perfect Attendance” grouped together by how many days each kid has missed school! We are so afraid to let kids experience loss, that we are now watering down what it means to WIN. My fear is that if we continue on this sympathetic path, we will create a whole society of individuals who are good with being “good enough”. People won’t have to strive for greatness, work harder, practice longer because they’re gonna get the same pat on the back and the same color ribbon regardless….

I want my kids to know that their effort will be rewarded! I want them to understand that with an open mind, they will never stop learning. I want them to never settle for “good enough” when they know they could do better. I want them to strive for greatness and always go for the win. I want them to understand that a loss is an opportunity to grow, an experience to learn from and because of that, a loss is ok. But I also want them to understand that one thing a loss will never be…..is a win.

Thank you for spending a portion of your day with me. If you enjoyed reading this post please like/comment/share and consider subscribing to Lazy 40 Year Old. Have a great day!!

What time is it?? I should know, judging by my case full of watches. I’ve never considered myself “addicted” to anything, but if I was forced to make a list of things I would rather not do without, somewhere just below my family and friends, would be watches. I think it all started when I was a little boy and took an interest in my father’s pocket watch. There was just something about it that fascinated me, something that made me feel special just to hold onto it. As I got older and more “techy” I decided I needed a watch that did all the really cool stuff, like had an alarm, a light and stopwatch. This phase lasted until my late teen years when I decided it would be cool to play the role of distinguished gentleman and needed something a little more upscale. Now that I have reached adulthood I have an appreciation for all different types of watches and my collection has continued to grow, thanks in large part to my amazingly giving wife! In honor of my obsession I thought I would share some pretty sweet models (that I could never afford) reviewed by British GQ. Check out the link below and have your credit card ready!

Wait, what just happened?! I know it’s 2017 and I’ve always been pretty good at math, but there’s no way 20 YEARS just slipped through my fingers like a breeze blowing through the trees! Is there?? *sigh…..Life is a real grab bag of emotions, you just never know what you are going to get on any particular day. On this day, I hit the jackpot! I got them all.

Regardless of how many times I say it (or type it) it is hard for me to “feel” 40. I know it to be true, I see evidence of it all around me. So, what makes it so hard to believe that my 20’s actually happened over TWICE as long ago as they even lasted in the first place? I’ve pondered this concept countless times. During my most recent and vibrant debate with….myself, the hypothesis formulated by one side of my brain triggered a very dubious raised eyebrow. The answer prompting my skepticism? My kids.

Hmmm, really? My kids? Interesting. Typically, as a parent surrounded by other parents, the norm is to say/hear how our kids make us feel old and tired. We talk about how challenging and exhausting it is to juggle our kids’ schedules and how we play “taxi” until we fantasize about playing Taxi Driver. I suppose that is true in a lot of ways, I’m definitely not disputing the validity of those thoughts. I am just starting to think that there are two sides to that coin. For every energy sapping night spent burning $20 of fuel to travel no more than 10 miles away from our own house, I get bursts. I get a burst of energy, a burst of inspiration, a burst of pride, a burst of joy. When I watch my daughter on stage, wowing the crowd with her performance in the role of Mary Poppins, I am bursting with pride and joy. She inspires my creativity and makes me want to take to the stage myself, find a place to sing or perform, release my creative thoughts through writing.When I watch my younger boys expending every ounce of energy in their bodies during a soccer match or my oldest son fight through countless obstacles to become a Marine, I am bursting with pride and joy. They give me a rush of competitive energy and I want to take to the pitch, join an intramural team, start running and get back in shape, face a mountainous challenge, and WIN. My kids give me a fire I would not have without them in my life. That fire gives me energy; that energy makes me feel young and alive; which almost convinces me that I could keep up with them. Now, do I take action with all of these inspirational thoughts? Am I currently on my way to boot camp, playing soccer or performing in front of huge crowds? Spoiler alert….the answer is, no. I have spent the vast majority of my time over the last 20 years living vicariously through my children, which is what led to the birth of this blog in the first place. However, the invigoration of youth is still felt and I have now returned to writing, so I won’t be too hard on myself and will label my 40’s a work in progress.

I used to think that as my kids got older and reached adulthood themselves, I would REALLY feel old. In fact, I still say things like that in conversation but I no longer think that concept is entirely accurate. Of course, there will always be moments of reflection and nostalgia, just as I wrote about in Someday, you’ll thank me for it….I’m just not sure that I see the youthful energy I receive from watching my children grow and achieve, vanishing anytime soon. About a week ago, I felt the breeze of time blowing across my face. The wind started to pick up as my son and I hopped in the car after a fairly long day at work and began a 10 hour road trip. The purpose of this journey? To help relocate my daughter to her new apartment, in Chicago.

Although it was long, the drive went fine, we even stopped halfway to get some sleep. Once we arrived, the move went amazingly smooth, especially considering we were moving furniture to the 7th floor! My brother and his husband already live in Chicago and are conveniently located only 10-15 minutes away from my daughter’s new apartment and her roommate’s brother also lives in Chicago, so thankfully we had some extra hands. As we zipped back and forth with boxes, beds, couches and ramen noodles, my attention was consistently drawn to this woman whom I kept crossing paths with. She was carrying boxes in and out of the same building and there was just something about her that drew me in. She was young and vibrant and she moved with a purpose. She appeared quirky and eccentric, like she knew something you didn’t, which placed this world in the palm of her hand. There was an aura of anticipation and nervous excitement surrounding her which made me wonder what she was really thinking and feeling. Her smile was warm and engaging and her presence, confident and commanding. There were several times I felt compelled to say something as she passed by, but I remained quiet, slightly awestruck and just observed. The more we crossed paths and the more I observed, the more I started thinking, this is exactly the type of woman I would want my daughter to be. A woman wise enough to know she can’t predict the future but strong enough to know she can handle whatever comes her way. A woman with a zest for life who others are drawn to simply because she knows who she is and she shows it to the world. A woman who may have some small fears, but has even bigger dreams. A woman who…..she already is.

It may come as no surprise that this woman I had been observing with all of those enviable qualities was in fact, my “little” girl. **(insert burst here) Moving to Chicago had always been a dream of hers since she was 4 years old and it was a very prideful moment to watch her take control and make that dream a reality at age 20. Several people have been sad to see her move so far away or worried about her living in such a big city, I feel different. Now, don’t get me wrong, I miss her like crazy and she’s only been gone a week. Yes, of course I worry about her safety, but no more than I worry about all of my children’s safety every time they leave my sight! In this instance I feel different because SHE is different. She is what this world needs and Chicago is lucky to have her. I’m not afraid for her to move to a big city because she was made for big things. Watching her start this chapter in her life has given me another big burst of energy and excitement. It has made me see the city and the world as a place to be explored and experienced again. It has made me want to quit my job, grab a backpack and take off on a new adventure. It has made me feel young and alive, like my whole life is ahead of me. What’s that you say? A tear? ….I just got….something….in my eye. It’s the Windy City, it’s bound to happen.

Thank you for spending a portion of your day with me. If you enjoyed reading this post please like/comment/share and consider subscribing to Lazy 40 Year Old. Have a great day!!

Have you ever been going about your business when suddenly something SMACKS you in the face?!

This question could be taken literally or figuratively, but I’m sure it has happened to most of us at one point or another. Sometimes these ‘SMACKS’ can be a moment of clarity, new perspective or a bit of nostalgia and other times they can be a light pole, an insect or a helpful hand guiding your cheek in a new direction…..we’ll focus on the former rather than the latter.

This weekend I was going about my business, mostly relaxing and enjoying one of the last uneventful weekends of the summer before our chaotic schedule picks back up. My father had come to visit and we were eating, talking and laughing Friday evening, sharing some much needed family time. After a delectable meal of lasagna and apple pie, graciously prepared by my beautiful wife, we moved to the living room to meld with the sofa. As we were talking, my dad mentioned that he had brought some DVDs with him and wanted to see if they would play properly in our DVD player. A few months earlier I had asked my dad about the old VHS tapes that we had recorded during our childhood and suggested that we transfer them to DVD before the tapes were ruined and it was too late. He had started this project and wanted to test out some of the ones that he had transferred before he continued with the rest. I browsed through some of the titles written on the DVDs and put a couple in to check them out.

First up, some summer league basketball from the ’90s….pretty entertaining stuff for everyone in the room, that was ‘me’. My dazzling basketball skills lit up the screen for all to see, including my thoroughly impressed 17-year-old. I made the assumption he was impressed based upon the way he was utilizing his cell phone the entire time, presumably texting his friends and posting on social media about the newfound extent of his athletic heritage. Outside of my ‘mad handles’ and the accuracy of my shooting form, one thing I’m positive all of us were entertained by was….the length of our shorts. It is an interesting irony to compare the general conservatism of years past with the playing of basketball in shorts which I’m certain were shorter than the boxer briefs I wear today. To everyone in the room, I could only say, you’re welcome.

After the highlight reel of action, we slowed things down a bit with some footage of our days in the marching band, my brother’s first prom and my 15th birthday. It was a continuous flow of smiles and chuckles as we viewed the bold statements being made by my “Fresh Prince” overalls and Chicago Bulls sweat suit.

SMACK!!

It hit me solid and from my blind spot. In one seemingly small moment, I became flooded. A simple scene unfolded lasting only 6 seconds, but the effects will stay with me exponentially longer. As the camera recorded a normal day in the living room of my childhood home, my dad walked past, reached out and pulled my mom in front of the camera. My mom laughingly protested and tried to cover her face before giving us one pure, true smile. It was over in an instant, but the room around me had dissolved. I was no longer sitting on the couch, watching a DVD in 2017. I was now in my childhood living room in 1992, captivated by my mother’s smile….and I wasn’t going anywhere.

My mom was definitively the most amazing mom who has ever lived. Other people may disagree or have their own opinions, but I understand; it’s simply because they didn’t have MY mom. The level of love and commitment she expressed to her family and specifically, my brother and I, is just irreplicable. She was strong and loving and supportive and sympathetic and beautiful, and she passed away in 2009. Being able to see my mom’s smile and hear my mom’s laugh gave me a mixture of raw emotions that were also irreplicable and I welcomed them with open arms.

As the weekend went on I slowly moved back to the present, but not without a tight grip on that moment. I started thinking about how much that moment meant to me and how my mom would have never known I would have this experience 25 years later. It made me wonder, what if my dad hadn’t pulled her in front of the camera that day in 1992? What if I hadn’t seen her smile or heard her laugh that night in 2017? I’m thankful that I do not know the answer to those questions. What I do know is that I am so thankful that he DID pull her in front of the camera that day, unknowingly allowing his son to one day have a moment that will be cherished for years to come.

You may be wondering what my end game is here. Sure, this is a heartfelt moment and a nice story, but why am I sharing it with all of you? To me, this is a good reminder to get out of our own way. I think about my mom covering her face, wanting to hide from the camera and it makes me realize how often we all do that. The camera comes out and we instantly think about ‘right now’. What am I wearing, ‘right now’? What am I doing, ‘right now’? How do I look, ‘right now’? Who is watching me, ‘right now’? We become so focused on ‘right now’ that we don’t realize we are inadvertently swindling moments from the future. Those moments could be for us, for our friends, our family, our children or our grandchildren, but they only happen if we provide the opportunity. I’m sure we have all heard some version of the statement that your biggest regrets will be the things you didn’t do, the chances you didn’t take or the love you didn’t show. It has taken me 40 years to really relate to this concept, but I now believe it wholeheartedly. I know that my mom is looking down, loving that I was able to have that moment and the emotions that came with it. Nostalgia isn’t always about living in the past or mourning something lost. During that moment when time stood still, I wasn’t flooded with emotions because my mom was gone. I was flooded with emotions because my mom was here. For that moment in time, with that laugh and that smile, she was here again and I felt her love.

So, my advice is, smile for the camera, dance for the video, do something you’re terrible at just because your kids want you to. Whatever you do, just be kind to your future and let your light shine. Someday, you’ll thank me for it….

Thank you for spending a portion of your day with me. If you enjoyed reading this post please like/comment/share and consider subscribing to Lazy 40 Year Old. Have a great day!!