MINOR IRRITATIONS OF LIFE – THEY ALL ADD UP

We all know someone who, when it comes to a major international sports event like a World Cup, goes on and on about how they’ve got a great, great, great, great, great, great uncle who was born in Brazil, and therefore THEY have a right to support the South Americans. THEY’RE PRACTICALLY BRAZILIAN!

The minute England inevitably tumble out of the competition on penalties these people will turn up at the pub in that iconic yellow shirt, reminisce over the 1970s World Cup winning squad and deny ever supporting the Three Lions because “I’m Brazilian originally, not English – I was just born here, live here and have a British passport”.

I imagine the worst kind of football fan is probably Anton Du Beke from the BBC TV show Strictly Come Dancing. Anton’s real name is not Anton Du Beke. It is Tony Beak. But I guarantee that in 1998, when France were crowned World Cup winners in their own back yard, Beak was on the Champs Elysees waving the tricolore and singing La Marseillaise. My name is Dominic, a name which originates from France, but I do not support Les Bleus. And I never will.

And then when these buffoons’ adopted nations suddenly implode from within, like France did in 2010, suddenly it’s all about England again. “Oh I can’t wait for the Premier League to begin, I’m Tottenham through and through. I remember that Jimmy Greaves smashing them in for England…”. FUCK OFF. FUCK THE FUCK OFF TO SOUTH AMERICA YOU FUCKING CHARLATAN.