Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of the Shades was suicide. Asking for a short beer in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying 'Got rocks in your head?' to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful.

Pages one and two had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier-mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it.

I clean my knives in a crossbow. Some people say it's foolish... I put them in the hoover and set it on blow and just shoot water at them around the kitchen, as I sit with a plug — bare-wired... at my feet... PEEING ON IT! All to get a better clean.

— Phil Jupitus on QI after hearing about the fatal accidents involving dishwasher users impaling themselves on the cutlery basket because they put all the knives in pointing up — all to get a better clean.

Doggett: I think I just solved this case. This kid had crap for brains and the flies couldn't resist. Reyes: Oh, and you were such a choirboy growing up? Doggett: I mean, we did some stupid stuff, but we didn't know it was stupid at the time. This isn't just stupid, this is glorification of stupid. These kids take enormous pride in being sub-mental.

Why do lovers park down deserted lanes Near haunted houses or homes for the insane Like the deformed son who was locked in a shed Later escaped when he chopped off their heads Why do axe murderers only attack When you're partially nude Or you're taking a bath

He brings Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan before Boss Nass, but he gets arrested and they say it's time to get executed. If it wasn't for Qui-Gon saying, 'This animal has a life debt with me, I should take him with me.' — you know, if Qui-Gon just didn't do that — they've would've executed Jar-Jar. So, really, Jar-Jar would probably be more motivated to not take them there... 'I can take you to the Naboo City, just follow me! Let's, uh, let's go this way; The way that's the farthest possible away from the Gungan City. Let's go that way.'

Those kids in horror movies are so easy to kill, you could strangle them with a cordless phone y'know what I'm sayin? I mean, you see how they just run right into danger, these idiots, they run right into death. They're look'n for death.

Some animals are really stupid. Like the crab. What a- what a moron! He has two big scissors held out in front of him, and then he walks sideways like an idiot! That's why we eat their legs, we keep pulling them off from the side!

Thief: Okay, Fighter, tie this rope to something sturdy so we can climb across Fighter: [off-panel] Done! Black Mage: Why is the rope on fire? Fighter: I tied it to the lava! Y'know, so we could find it when we're done here.

So, again, the lesson to be learned here is to not put your hand anywhere near a piece of machinery that’s got razor sharp blades on it. And yes, this is coming from a trick who once almost lost his good fappin’ hand while doing the YMCA dance under a living room ceiling fan.

This is the Russian bathtub heroin that eats your flesh. And it's a telling sign of our collective lunacy that officials can predict that a FLESH-EATING DRUG will spread across America even though we all know it eats flesh, and then that prediction comes to pass. Personally, I am terrified of all flesh-eating substances: acids, bacteria, lions, etc. I instinctively stay away from them. But that warning apparently wasn't enough to keep away our most desperate, meth-addled citizens. "Well, if it eats my flesh but people still do it, it must be AMAZING." Side note: Do NOT look up images of people who have had their flesh eaten by Krokodil. You will be unhappy.

When Dwinell was tested, doctors did indeed find a burn in the center of his retinas. The finding apparently made Dwinell disheartened and discouraged, and he even apparently stopped sungazing for a while, but he eventually picked it up again because he is rather seriously insane.

Harry is such a chump he somehow manages to fall into a small pool of mercury – if I were Tom I would have headed back to the ship and confirmed his death while I had the chance...his own suit is compromised to keep trying to save his idiotic friend. Let them both die, the show won't lose anything.

"Some behaviour does not merely show bad character. It displays a level of stupidity so alarming as to render the bad character secondary. It raises a serious question as to whether emergency personnel should be rushed to the scene to equip the subject with a ventilator in case he forgets to breathe."

Link: Ah! Fire! My flame-proof suit isn't working! Navi: That's not a fireproof suit, you just painted your regular suit red! Link: But... isn't that how fireproof suits work? You know, by camouflaging me from the flames? Navi: How you've managed to survive this long is a mystery to me.

So, they decide to play Blind Man's Bluff, where they turn out all the lights, drink a lot of beer, and roam around the house; a.k.a the easiest setup for a slasher film ever. The only way they could make this easier for the killer is if they killed themselves.

"It's always funny at the beginning of the Terminator films to see his first victims underestimate him or misunderstand what he is." "Yeah, Bill Paxton and his boys are mouthin' off, so they basically are asking for it. Who's that comfortable around a giant naked man in the first place?"

Now, this [protagonist] has to be so hot and so dumb. Like, they can't be normal dumb, they have to be ridiculously dumb. And they can't notice any clues. If they see something, they just have to ignore it like it wasn't there.

Meatwad: (holding a scorpion): I'll eat it... if you eat it. Shake: All right, deal! Wait a minute... how are you gonna eat it after I eat it? Meatwad: Look, you eat it, then I go back in time to before the time that you eat it, then I'll eat it. note They actually do have a time machine in this episode, but it's pretty clear Meatwad's lying.Shake: Okay. (later)Frylock: What's wrong with Shake? Meatwad: Oh, he's dead. Dumbass ate a scorpion.

I had this lady interviewer following me around. More of that in-depth crap. She was convinced that life with Altman was a never-ending round of orgies and excess. She was even snooping around in my hotel bathroom, for Christ's sake, and she found this jar of funny white powder in the medicine cabinet. Aha! she thinks. Cocaine! So she snorts some. Unfortunately, what she didn't know was that I'm allergic to commercial toothpaste because the dentine in it makes me break out in a rash. So my wife mixes up baking soda and salt for me, and — poor girl.

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