Join us as we discuss verbal and emotional abuse, why it occurs, and how you can stop it. Anyone can join in by making comments on the different blogs we post. This blog is based on the work of Dr. Mike and Shelly Marshall and their book, respect-me
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Friday, September 21, 2007

I really like this story--this woman understands abuse and how it undermines even the most professional woman with resources--why don't they leave? she answers the questions....

Abuse survivor to lead rescue -- chicagotribune.com: "The worst part, she said, wasn't physical abuse but verbal tirades that chipped away at her self-esteem, along with a growing sense of isolation, which included his forbidding her from seeing her family. 'One Christmas my mother called, asking, if she couldn't be with her grandchildren, could I at least come over and pick up some gifts? I can't believe I allowed that to happen,' she said, her voice choked with emotion. So why wouldn't this professional woman with economic resources just pack up and leave? It's difficult for outsiders to understand, West said, ticking off a long list of reasons, from shame to an upbringing that included a reverence for loyalty (her parents have been married for more than 50 years) to the belief that maybe, just maybe, what the man had been telling her all these years was true: It was her fault. 'As scientists, we're trained to look at all sides...that you always have to open the door to other points of view,' she said. 'So, I kept thinking...if I didn't do whatever angered him, things would get better.'"

Sunday, September 9, 2007

The Albert Lea Tribune: "“I know I hurt just about everyone I talked to then,” Haukoos said. “But now that I look back on it, I was a big loser. Nobody won. Everybody lost. I see that now.” As a graduate of Freeborn County’s Domestic Abuse Program, the 24-year-old man has completed a 27-week program designed to teach abusers the alternatives to the life they had been living — and to take accountability for their actions. Haukoos said the course, which is set up as a group program, has taught him invaluable skills that he will always remember. And though the dark thoughts that led to the abuse and the drug use still sometimes creep into his mind, he now recognizes them as they appear and knows the tools that he can use to make sure those thoughts don’t become actions — ever again."

Abusive Relationships - Dangerous Relationships - Domestic Violence - How To Spot A Dangerous Man: "“DANGEROUS” is what he does to your soul 1. Have You Been Emotionally, Physically or Sexually Abused In Your Relationship with Your Dangerous Man? 2. Cheated On? More Than Once? Do You Keep Picking Cheaters? 3. Have You Dated Or Married Stalkers Or Predators? 4. Are You Attracted To Addicts, Abusive, Violent, or Married Men? 5. Have You Picked Men Who Are Mentally Ill? 6. Are You Tired Of Go-Nowhere Relationships With Married Men? 7. Do You Want To Know Why You Keep Picking These Kinds Of Men?"

It's true that not every time the police are called, is it a true on-going abuse case. we do need more education and yes, the legal system is not stopping domestic, verbal and emotional abuse--not battering! Read this article. Robert has some good points.

SouthCoastToday.com: YOUR VIEW: New thinking is needed in response to domestic violence: "The use of the criminal justice system as the primary role of preventing family violence has not worked. The threat of arrest, incarceration and fines has not been enough to dissuade possible perpetrators from carrying through on their aggressive behavior. The dynamics of family violence are more subtle than can be dealt with in the right/wrong, perpetrator/victim processes and procedures that are part of law enforcement and the judicial system. The latter are essential when there is evidence that a clear crime has been committed, but most incidents of family violence do not meet the level of battering behavior. There is a growing body of research that recognizes that most of the family disputes in which the police become involved are not battering relationships (in which one person, whether male or female, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is attempting to control the other person through intimidation, threats and violence). Instead, most situations are what can be termed 'family conflict,' in which there can be disagreements, arguments, even some pushing and shoving and that might be part of a long-standing relationship or might be a one-time incident."

Finally! someone who is acknowledging that the abuser has done something that needs forgiving! Before we have been shamed into being seen as the guilty party for complaining aobut it or "breaking up the family". It's the abusers problem--he (or she) created it.

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Evangelist speaks against domestic violence: "Evangelist Juanita Bynum's husband was recently arrested and accused of attacking her. For the first time since the incident happened she's talking about it. Evangelist Bynum made an appearance Tuesday night in Georgia. First to reporters in Buckhead, then to a national television audience, Bynam promised to be the 'new face of domestic violence.' 'Today, domestic violence has a face and it is Juanita Bynum.' Standing before cameras, Juanita Bynum declared she's not a damsel in distress, and wanted to say for the record. 'I forgive my husband and I wish him the best.'"

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

this is an article worth reading. This is abuse in its rarest! Why would we start seeing a guy who called us a cunt the first time we met? we have to question ourselves in these situations.

salleebuckley's Xanga Site: "Shed sprained her ankle and a friend was half-supporting, half-carrying her. Despite the pain she couldnt help but notice the good looking guy waiting at the bus stop. Scott looked at her and his first words to her were that she was a drunken c**t. Julie thought that was hilarious. By the time she got off the bus they had exchanged phone numbers."

We don't want to blame the victim--we don't want to blame the family, employer, or police. who is let to blame? Oh, the perpetrator!

We too often look for other causes--but one thing we will always say her at youareatarget.com is that if women want to stop abuse, they have to learn how to enforce the respect-me-rules. In order to be equal, we must act equal--remember, the only way people will walk on you is if you lay down! (pun intended)

Equality called key to ending abuse: "A high-profile review of domestic violence in Ontario puts too much blame on friends and families of victims and offers a bandage solution, a London women's advocate charges. 'There seems to be a shift away from holding the abuser accountable and now holding society accountable,' Megan Walker, head of the London Abused Women's Centre, said yesterday. 'No (ordinary people) can stop a man from killing a woman if that is what he wants to do.' The report, which highlights the need for more public education and awareness, misses the key point about domestic violence, she said."

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Lots of times the affluent have a more difficult time admitting what is happening to them. read this for more info...

News: "Through July of this year, Cabot Police were dispatched on 315 domestic calls. Of those 315 calls, 81 resulted in an official police report and 66 of those involved actual domestic battery. Many people think that domestic abuse happens only in low income neighborhoods based upon what they see on television but officials say domestic abuse is not limited to the low income. In fact, police say that it is as common in the affluent neighborhoods as it is in the trailer parks. Even an affluent city like Cabot has its share of domestic abuse, local victims say. And Lucas says that Cabot crime statistics confirm that suspicion."

11Alive.com - Debating Domestic Violence in Religion: "The charges of domestic violence between the Bishop and his Evangelist wife have shaken the very bedrock of the nation's religious community, pulling back the veneer of faith in a very public way to reveal that even servants of God can be dealing with some very human emotions. “This shake-up of the church and our society in general is important because it shines light on a situation that needs to be addressed,' said Diamond Goodwin, another student at Spelman. School officials had young women like Goodwin and Perry in mind when they organized the forum. “Just trying to really make certain that their spirits are not wounded,” said Dr. Lisa Rhodes, the Dean of Spelman’s Sisters Chapel, where the event was held. “We can help them to understand that violence against women occurs inside the church and outside the church and violence against women is a global issue; and to see religious leaders involved in violence hopefully does not disillusion them.'"