The Bible contains The Wørd of God and is 100% truthiness. Everything in the Bible is meant to be taken literally. It is a historical document. The Bible may not be eaten, especially by bears, which are - as stated in the Gospel of Stephen - godless killing machines. The Bible also prophesies that World War III will destroy the Middle East, and then Jesus will come on a cloud of glory and Rapture up all of the true believers who support The Greatest President EVER! The Bible is not ordinary book, since books are all fact and no heart: as any true american should know. its the gand source of Truthiness AKA Truthibook!

Contents

Written by Jesus in Old English and later translated into American, The Bible has an "Old Testament" and a "New and Improved Testament". Each "Testament" is divided into "Books"; each "Book" into "Verses". The really truthy "Verses" are inked in the still red blood of Christ our lord and savior. This allows them to be read alone and without regard for the other, less truthy, material. Also, its widely known that Christ’s blood is the one blood bears are not thirsty for. (This was used by Grizzly Adams to harness the power of these Godless Killing Machines until he was torn to shreds in an incident involving one of those fake The Bibles with a hole in it to stash money.(Or a rock hammer if you are in Shawshank State Prison.))(Note: Grizzly Adams also proved bears will eat right through wads of hundred-dollar bills; even the rich aren't safe!)

Because Stephen Colbert is not a Jew this article will not cover the "Jew Testament". Here is a list of the "Books" in the "New and Improved Testament":

The original Bible was a comic book that was created in a freak accident involving lightning, a gamma ray burst, and a pack of skittles that contained no orange, as all the best books are. It was filled with illustrations of Jesus, Stephen, George W. Bush (as Bat Man) and John McCain (as Robin, the boy wonder) battling Satan, and it was a landmark of truthiness and faithiness. But during the Protestant reformation, King Henry VIII ordered the bible be made boring and facty so that the "good book" would be too confusing for anyone to understand. A few editions of the comic still remain on display at the Vatican, but they are now considered too powerful for mortals. Stephen has the entire collection. These historical accounts, however, are plainly false, as Jesus invented the REAL Bible™ in 1953 on live Television using His Jesus Powers.

Despite being ultimate divine truthiness, people still have the audacity to question the Bible instead of following its every word without proof as God intended. This anti-Bible campaign is spearheaded by none other than the heathen Richard Dawkins. Beware! The heathen Dawkins has no morals whatsoever, and may even use big words that scare most people. Again, search your guts, and you will find that the answer is obvious, as usual. I'm sorry Dawkins, but I guess God's word outweighs man's logic. You can go burn in hell with all the other bears and liberals.

Despite being the foundation for all that is true in the world, the Bible itself presents an immense paradox, for while the Bible is the word of God, meaning it cannot be doubted, the Bible is also a book, meaning it cannot be trusted. Furthermore, being a book, it is associated with infamous atheist Richard Dawkins's lame book. Using logic, we can deduce that since the Bible is God's word, and the bible is a book, and since "The God Delusion" is also a book, God's word is God's delusion. This changes everything. This means that the government that governs best ISN'T the government that governs least; this means that wealth does NOT trickle down to the middle class; this means that George W Bush will NOT deliver the Holy Land to America. However, the bible says that God's word is the ultimate truth, and God says that Richard Dawkins will burn in the eternal lake of fire. In this eternal lake of fire, Dawkins' pants will surely catch fire, making him a liar. Since Dawkins lies, his book also lies, and since all books are false, Dawkins' book lies about being false, making it true, and therefore making it not a book, and incomparable to the bible, which in retrospect is not like a book at all but more like Ultimate Divine Truth. Crisis averted.