Teens Are Still Developing Empathy Skills

Vital Social Skill Ebbs and Flows in Adolescent Boys; How to Cultivate Sensitivity

New research shows that biology, not parenting, is to blame for insensitive and selfish behavior by teenagers. But, there can be ways to teach teens empathy. Sue Shellenbarger and "Masterminds and Wingmen" author Rosalind Wiseman join Lunch Break. Photo: AP.

The teen years are often fraught with door-slamming, eye-rolling and seeming insensitivity, even by kids who behaved kindly before. Some parents worry that they're doing something wrong, or that their children will never think of anyone but themselves.

New research shows that biology, not parenting, is to blame.

In adolescence, critical social skills that are needed to feel concern for other people and understand how they think are undergoing major changes. Adolescence has long been known as prime time for developing cognitive skills for self-control, or executive function.

"Cognitive empathy," or the mental ability to take others' perspective, begins rising steadily in girls at age 13, according to a six-year study published recently in Developmental Psychology. But boys don't begin until age 15 to show gains in perspective-taking, which helps in problem-solving and avoiding conflict.

Adolescent males actually show a temporary decline, between ages 13 and 16, in a related skill—affective empathy, or the ability to recognize and respond to others' feelings, according to the study, co-authored by Jolien van der Graaff, a doctoral candidate in the Research Centre Adolescent Development at Utrecht University in the Netherlands. Fortunately, the boys' sensitivity recovers in the late teens. Girls' affective empathy remains relatively high and stable through adolescence.

The riptides are often noticeable to parents. Susan Burkinshaw has tried to cultivate empathy in her two teenage sons, 16 and 18, since they were toddlers, encouraging them to think about others' feelings. Yet one "went through a period in eighth grade where he was just a bear to deal with. He always had an attitude," says Ms. Burkinshaw, of Germantown, Md. "Then as quickly as it came on, it turned back off again."

The findings reflect a major expansion in researchers' understanding of cognitive growth during adolescence, according to a 2012 research review co-authored by Ronald Dahl, a professor of public health at the University of California at Berkeley. Researchers used to believe that both forms of empathy were fully formed during childhood.

Now, it's clear that "the brain regions that support social cognition, which helps us understand and interact with others successfully, continue to change dramatically" in the teens, says Jennifer Pfeifer, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Oregon in Eugene. Preliminary research in her lab also suggests cognitive empathy rises in teens. The discoveries serve as a new lens for exploring such teen behaviors as bullying and drug abuse.

Kids who develop affective and cognitive empathy form healthy relationships and argue less with their parents, research shows. Perspective-taking continues to be central for adults on the job, helping in designing and selling products and services, building user-friendly devices, and working smoothly with others with diverse viewpoints and backgrounds.

Affective empathy is grounded in the limbic region of the brain, which regulates emotions. This capacity begins developing in infancy when parents respond sensitively to babies' emotions. Children learn to practice empathy by watching their parents and by experiencing it themselves—being treated well by adults who respond warmly to their feelings, says Anthony Wolf, a Longmeadow, Mass., psychologist, author and speaker.

Cognitive empathy arises from a different part of the brain, the medial prefrontal cortex, which continues developing later, through adolescence. But the two are linked; children's affective empathy predicts their level of cognitive empathy as teens, says a forthcoming study by Caspar Van Lissa, a doctoral candidate at Utrecht's adolescent-research center.

Parents can help instill affective empathy by encouraging children to walk in others' shoes. If Ms. Burkinshaw's kids saw a child being teased or treated badly, she asked them, "If that had been you, what would you have wanted your friends to do to help?"

Her 12-year-old daughter Alexandra recently told her that several classmates had hurt another girl's feelings by blocking her from following them on Instagram. "I said, 'What could you do to help her?' " Ms. Burkinshaw says. Alexandra talked with her friends, and another mother also intervened. The girls apologized and invited the victim back into the group.

ENLARGE

Robert Neubecker

Adolescents' brains work particularly hard on perspective-taking; teens make heavier use than adults of the medial prefrontal cortex, says Sarah-Jayne Blakemore, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at University College London. That may be because understanding others' viewpoints takes more conscious effort for teens, while it becomes automatic for adults, Dr. Blakemore says. Perspective-taking continues to develop through age 21.

The decline in affective empathy among young teenage boys may spring at least partly from a spurt during puberty in testosterone, sparking a desire for dominance and power, says the study in Developmental Psychology. Boys who were more mature physically showed less empathy than others.

Boys also feel pressure from peers and some adults to "act like a man," which they often define as being detached, tough, funny and strong, says Rosalind Wiseman, Boulder, Colo., author of "Masterminds and Wingmen," a new book about teen boys. They may suppress feelings of empathy so they can join in joking and teasing with peers, she says. "Humor is the social glue among boys, and empathy would be a brake on what they can and cannot joke about." So some kids "stop listening to their gut."

Also, some teens may appear insensitive because they're actually struggling to avoid being overwhelmed by their own feelings of empathy, says Brad Sachs, Columbia, Md., a psychologist, author and speaker. "Teens who seem aloof, hard-hearted or unkind may in reality be quite the opposite."

Fathers seem to play a special role. Teens whose fathers are supportive, who say they feel better after talking over their worries with their dads, are more skilled at perspective-taking, says a 2011 study of 15- to 18-year-old boys in Developmental Psychology.

Yu Oen of Princeton Junction, N.J., encourages his sons Grant, 19, and Sean, 15, to take others' perspective by discussing current events with them—including how the people involved must have felt. After the Boston Marathon bombing, they talked about how a runner who lost her legs must have felt when entering a restaurant where everyone else was wearing shorts.

"You can see their reaction: 'Wow, that is really tough,' " Mr. Oen says. "They feel it: 'What if that had been me?' " Mr. Oen and his wife Shirley "feel it too," he says. "And we take time to talk about these things."

It's way to early to accept the conclusions of this research. First, it contradicts other research; second, it hasn't yet had time to be reproduced by independent researchers; third, the sample is small; and fourth, it doesn't explain those adolescents who do not experience such a decline, let alone pre-adolescents who display cognitive empathy at a much earlier age.

On the other hand, it doesn't take much to create insensitivity and a narrowing of awareness.

sometimes you wonder, do these 'social scientists even have a life outside of the clinic'? Why do they spend time and money doing studies that come up with results that we all intuitively know in the first place? Do they have kids? Were they ever kids?

"Boys also feel pressure from peers and some adults to "act like a man,"

Some? I hope the author is hallucinating in her new age feminism. Supposed to be all. It wouldn't have been necessary to point that out not two generations ago, yet another indication of our social devolution. What an illustration of the abased wsj philosophy.

"Vital Social Skill Ebbs and Flows in Adolescent Boys; How to Cultivate Sensitivity"

I think the human race gets stupider by the day.

So it took humanity 4000 years of civilization to figure out “New research shows that biology, not parenting, is to blame”.

I don’t think there are few things humans find inherently more repulsive than a weak male. Men are after all supposedly the protectors and providers of future generations. A young male in touch with his feminine self induces the barf reflex in most men I know.

It is rather clear the biological impulse of young males for power and dominance is a natural reflection of their optimal societal role. Men admire and follow other dominant males and equally they on the average have better breeding prospects.

Trying to go against the natural tendency of young male biology and create a sensitive man does him or society no favors.

Do you think empathy makes for good leaders? Try being a platoon leader in WWII, Korea ofrViet Nam and having to pick someone out of your unit to be on lead knowing that they will probably get killed. How about being the one to choose which units will go in first on D Day knowing that 80% casualties are expected. Or even a CEO who knows that in order to save his company he has to close down a division in a small town where they will probably never find high paying jobs again. Empathy is for women who do the nurturing. Too much empathy for your son just turns him into a gay hairdresser who always votes Democratic.

I would be willing to bet that the amount of time teens spend on the internet now has something to do with it as well. The anonymity of the internet leads to a real lack of empathy (not just in teens). You can see for yourself by reading the comments of 90% of the articles out there. If you don’t believe me, you are all idiots.

And yet people are surprised that teenaged girls, even including a 12 year old, would bully another girl to the point of suicide. I heard Barbara Walters say that "sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you" no longer applies.

I personally feel that the problem may lie with parents not teaching their children that they should not let words hurt them. That as my mother told me at 10, one should feel sorry for a person (adult in my case) who picks on you because of your religion.

If the sherriff thinks that penalizing the obviously empathy free bully girls will stop others, he is nuts. That is like saying the death penalty stops murderers. Maybe if they are older, but younger folks do not seem to understand that cause and effect can apply to them.

No baby ever cried because his sister was hungry. We are born selfish with a primal need to survive. Unfortunately, in many households the person that is capable of reproduction is not capable of being a good parent

Empathy is something that comes with time and maturity. Men aren't as much about feelings as they are about action. They don't wallow in "isn't that so sad?" because they are more about "how do we fix this?" So while we may need to remind our teenage sons not to be complete jerks, they are developing and kindness and empathy will come, albeit in a limited fashion, in time. As for the example Ms. Burkinshaw uses about the young girl excluded from participating on Instagram: really terrible example WSJ. Why would we want any 12 year olds participating on Instagram, and why on earth would you refer to the girl in question as a "victim." With all the stories in the press about young girls committing suicide because of the cyberbullying that goes on? Really?

Biology, not parenting is to blame, new research shows. Yeah right. It is all in the parenting, but, hey, that involves responsibility and accountability. We can't have any of that in a liberal, socialist utopia, can we?

Why should kids have any empathy at all? If their parents show and tell their kids that they reside at the center of the universe, that wouldn't foster empathy would it? When I grew up, kids (myself included) got beat downs regularly at home, by our peers AND by teachers (in my case Sisters of Charity) at school. You were either getting yelled at, hit or mocked.

Personal suffering primes the canvas for empathy. If you "got it sweet," you don't tend to notice other people much.

Yeah, that "war on men", as illustrated by our female president and vice president, and our Congress, where women outnumber men 2:1, and the all those female CEOs, and all those women leaving home and leaving their men to raise the kids without support. Oh, and the 70 cents that men make for every dollar that a woman makes, and the health insurance policies that charge men more than they charge the same-aged women? That war on men? Just want to make sure I understand which 'war on men' we're talking about.

Colleen: The best part about that episode was "a Mother" getting involved. Dear God. I am not a fan of bullying or abusive behaviour but shunning a peer used to be viewed as good sense. Our kids do not have to be friend with, let alone friendly with all other kids they are surrounded by.

Better yet, make military service a qualification for enfranchisement.

If you do not contribute to society via the Government, you do not get a voice in how Government distributes its largesse. Military service would be one way to make that contribution.

Amendments to the Constitution following the Civil War, intended to enable former slaves to vote for carpet-baggers and others who would support the victors, severely crippled or eliminated qualifications to vote that had been in place (for good reason) for over a half century. That war was over nearly 150 years ago. The special considerations that were involved at the time have long been eliminated, and the response to them should likewise be eliminated.

The 70 cents on the dollar thing is a fraudulant feminist myth. Ypu know and I know that women choose to have different job options, usually based on child rearing and work hours choices. Women under 30 are now making more money in comparable jobs than are their male age peers. 55% of college students are women (to 45% males). More women than men are in medical schools and law schools.

Women are also the most frequent users of the healthcare system, that's why they pay more on insurance.

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