Eww. Seriously. That Is So Gross. (Education Reform Put To The Test)

Ever have a baby sleeping right on your stomach when you see a hilarious commercial and you’re trying to suppress your laughter which only makes you laugh harder? That was the premise for tonight when I watched this Geico commercial about a guy who uses some popular girls from the local high school to help him with his diet. Watch:

Had. Me. In. Tears.

Then it got me thinking if I picked out my most incorrigible students and had some of our favorite education reform advocates present ideas to them, just to see what they thought. Up first, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg:

Blooomberg: Secretly, I want to fire half the teachers in New York and give the ones left a $20,000 raise. Just to keep ’em quiet. Maybe that’ll show them.Girl 1: Bloomberg, where all the kids going to go?
Bloomberg: Well, we won’t right out FIRE all the teachers left over. Your same teachers will still be around for a few weeks. Then when we get bored, we’ll rotate them. Imagine if you had more teachers throughout the year!Girl 2: Imagine if we had to sit next to all those people mad tight or stand in the back of the class because we didn’t have any more seats?Girl 3: That shit would suck. [Vilson looks from across.] My bad, language, language …Girl 2: But, but but, yeah, what if I have to stand next to that one boy I really don’t like, but it’s our turn to stand next to each other because of this stupid idea?Girl 1: Eww.Girl 2: Seriously?Girl 3: So gross.

Next up: US Secretary of Education Arne Duncan

Duncan: I have this Race To The Top program where I make states compete for money if they only agree to the reforms we like.Girl 3: Like what?Duncan: Well, we ask states to have more tests, find a way to fire bad teachers, and close down schools if they’re not doing exactly what we think they should be doing.Girl 2: Oh. Sounds good.Girl 1: Ugh, I hate tests! That mean ol’ teacher always has to give us one every week and she yells, “Hurry up and spit out your gum!” You know how much gum I have to spit out?Girl 3: Yeah, well if this guy has his way, that teacher get fired!Girl 2: No, that teacher wouldn’t! He gets good test scores, so he’ll probably stay!Girl 3: Remember that one teacher we liked?Girl 1: The geeky one who liked math a lot? Yeah, we liked her! What happened?Girl 3: They fired her. The rumor is that some kids didn’t do well on the test, so they fired her for it.Girl 1 and 2: Oh WOOOOWWW!!Girl 1: Eww.Girl 2: Seriously?Girl 3: That’s gross.

Rhee: First, let me say how much I really like students and …Girl 1: Eww! :: cough, cough :: Sorry, continue.Rhee: Like I was saying … [snickers to self], let me say how much I really like students. That’s why I created an organization called StudentsFirst, where students get to be first!Girl 2: First where?Rhee: Well, it’s like your football team. You like it when your school team wins right? It’s the same thing here. We want students to win!Girl 3: Huh?Girl 2: I think I see what she’s saying. She’s trying to say that students come before everybody else. It doesn’t matter if they’re adults or whatever, like, they need to fall back.Girl 1: But I’m confused. Why does it matter as long as the adults are there to help us?Girl 2: Right? Shouldn’t all schools just be good for everybody?Girl 3: I just Googled her, and this is the same lady with the broom in her hand! Is she trying to sweep kids?Girl 2: Is she gonna hit me with that thing?Girl 3: Let her do it! I’ma get my brother after her.Rhee: Umm, I think you’re missing the point, ladies …Girl 1: Yo, you calling us dumb? You trying to say because we didn’t go to the school you went to that we not as smart as you! Ewwww!Girl 2: Seriously?Girl 3: That is so gross!