Tiny Type 13#6

If you're reading this version of Tiny Type the world didn't end. Hooray for mankind, however, this latest version sucks. You see, we're all pessimists who figured we were doomed, so we didn't bother writing a column for this issue. Five pots of coffee and several excuses later, we managed to finish and here it is, hot off the presses.

Did you feel like an idiot for getting hurt before the start of the season? Don't feel bad 'cause you weren't the only one. Here's a quick listing of injured riders who were stressing to get better by the first storm. Travis Parker cracked his foot skateboarding, Cory Smith was recovering from knee surgery and is still looking for a board sponsor, and Norwegian ruler Marius Sommer fractured his hip. To finish the list the Finnish Joni Mäkinen broke his shoulder and JoniMalmi bruised his hip at a Saas Fe photo shoot.

Tricia Byrnes has just signed a three-year deal with Lamar snowboards. Tricia will be working hands on with Lamar to develop the signature board series for women, called The Merlot Series. Tricia has also recently purchased Eastern Edge snowboard magazine and plans to make it a full-fledge media source with an extensive Web site. Tricia intends to bring an artistc flavor to the magazine “so that it will be a rad to read whether you snowboard or not.”

While the Forum team was traveling through Europe on a recent shop tour, the gambling bug that's made the team famous bit harder than ever. B.J. Leines, Jeremy Jones, and Joni Malmi lost their asses in C-low (a dice game) and ended up owing T. Wood a combined total of 47,500 dollars. Travis, being the nice guy he is, gave them a break and let them off by paying only ten percent right on the spot. The tour took the team to Germany, Austria, Italy, and Sweden. When the rest of the crew left, Travis and Peter Line went to London to hang out with Tina Turner and the Def Jam girls at the Mobo awards. After receiving his fourth severe concussion in just over a few years, Chris Dufficy has retired from professional snowboarding. Fearing another concussion could lead to even more serious injuries, Duff stepped down as a driving force behind the Forum Eight. According to T. Wood, Four Star Distribution, home of Forum, offered Duff a job at the company, or to pay for a higher education. He opted for the job, and is now working for Four Star Canada. Good luck, Chris.

Jimmy Halopoff is now girlfriendless. After a five-year relationship, what can one do to feel better about themselves? How about a new tattoo and a nipple ring. We're glad to see you're staying positive through this whole thing. Jimmy, along with the rest of the MLY crew Nate Cole, Noah Salasnek, and Brad Scheuffele, just got back from a five-day, five-shops-a-day, tour in Japan. Now that sounds like fun! M3's Gabe Taylor was seen performing an extremely terrible rendition of Def Leppard's “Pour Some Sugar On Me” at the Kraken bar recently in Cardiff, California. The karaoke crowd in So Cal can be pretty tough, which explains why he got ousted from the stage halfway through the song.

Sessions clothing has recently picked up Aaron Diamond and Mayumi Fukuda. Don't call us, her last name is spelled right. Sessions team member Jesse Huffman has been spending his summer being “romantically destructive” with a small deer while writing a book with the working title of Romance On The Job Site–A Case Study. An excerpt follows: Larry: “Daryl, you're an asshole, but I like you.” Daryl: “I know.” Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Look for Jesse's book to “come ouquot; in Fall 2000. While you're looking for Jesse's fine piece of literature maybe you can look for the Nitro team video also. Seth Neary spent all last season and this summer working on the video, and then was asked to leave the employ of Nitro before anyone got a chance to look at it.

Jesse's twin, as well as Sessions and Nitro teammate, Lukas Huffman, hasn't been as lucky with the ladies as his sibling has and has found solace in pagan worship. He says he's managed to talk Northwave team manager, George Kleckner, into a travel allowance that includes funds for acquisition of sacrificial virgins. Lukas is currently accepting applications (please include photo) for ceremonies to take place throughout the '99/2000 winter season at a mountain near you. Joel Mahaffey is making the step up from child prodigy to full-blown adult responsibility–buying a house in “The Biggest Little City in the World,” lovely Reno, Nevada. J.P. Walker bought a house in the most “Most Religious City in the World,” Salt Lake City, Utah.

SkiResorts.com has relaunched their new site that features mountain resort news, specialized travel deals, and the inside scoop on where to find new snow. Good news for anyone living in Wyoming–Jackson Hole Ski Corporation announced a plan allowing for access to the backcountry through designated gates. Visit jacksonhole.com for more detailed info.

On a more somber note, Doug Waugh, the inventor of the Pipe Dragon, died recently of cancer at his home in Colorado. Waugh made a huge contribution to the snowboard world and will be missed. Four of Waugh's associates have become partners in his business and will continue running Pipe Dragon.

January 31 to February 6 is “Take Your Daughter to the Snow Week.” Snow Sports Association For Women developed this program to promote women's participation in all snowsports. The goal is simple, whether you ski or snowboard, save a little extra space in that luggage rack of yours and bring your daughter to the mountains.

In car news, after being distraught about his stolen car, Travis “I Maxed Out My Photo Incentive, So I Treated Myself” Parker, bought a red Audi A4 wagon. World Industries new snowboard team manager, Chris Saydah, also purchased a black A4 wagon with leather. Todd Richards on the other hand, made the step up from the entry level A4 to the Audi A6.

Back to news about World, Marc Frank and Brian Thien are each designing two signature models for the up-coming season, while Kurt Severs, I mean Wastell, is getting only one. After seeing what Kurt did last season, he should get his name on every one of their boards.

While we're on the subject of models, Bobby Meeks, Blue Montgomery, and E-Stone are every player's role model. They recently moved into a fat house in Salt Lake City, which just so happens to have an old bar downstairs. Not a sissy little wet bar, we mean a full-blown bar, a pool table, darts–the whole nine yards, or in Bobby's case, the whole three inches. Bubba's Sport Bar is the new official meeting place of elite snowboarders like Travis Parker, Mikey LeBlanc, and women who are more than happy to get naked for them.

NorCal-based Switch Manufacturing has developed a new informative and consumer friendly Web site. Switchbindings.com has a full listing of compatible boots that will work with the Switch system.

Congratulations goes out to Chris Owen, who recently filled the shoes of the team manager position over at Lib Tech. Chris was the longtime Morrow team manager and worked for Monster Backside Air. Apparently, Chris missed the Northwest too much to stay away any longer, at least that's what Dave said. All of us would like to wish former Lib Tech team manager Liberty good luck at her new job with MTV. Wave Rave has added the U.S. Women's Extreme Snowboarding Champion Julie Larson to their roster. Morrow's new team manager is the lovely, Miss Rebecca Herath. Team members Todd Richards, Josh Dirksen, Tyler Lepore, and Billy Anderson broke her in by inciting a pizza toss and food-fight riot the first night they had dinner together. If their waitress hadn't been so smitten with Mr. Dirksen, Rebecca may have had to spend her first night with her new team in jail instead. Rebecca did get a very nice call from Tyler's mom who asked Rebecca to please give her son a chance: his surly locks don't mean he's not a good boy. Unfortunately, Boarder Patrol doesn't feel the same way. Since Tyler has dual citizenship, spending half his time in Tahoe and the other half at his new digs in North Vancouver, immigration loves to ream it to him (no pun intended) and give him one of those annoying body cavity searches whenever he comes in or out of the country. A few friendly words of advice–if you don't like a hand up the wazoo, then cut off those nappy-ass dreads. While on the topic of wazoos, Whitey's is intact despite the fact that he just spent several days behind bars. The DEA offered him a plea bargain, which consisted of an early release in trade for a commercial dictating the hazards of driving under the influence. Justice has finally been served.

Bastards Chris Brown, Dave Cashen, Nate Cole, Dionne Delesalle, Rob Dow, Max Jenke, Mikey LeBlanc, Joel Mahaffey, J.F. Pelchat, Kale Stephens, and Devun Walsh are all featured in Iris' new team video, Lil' Bastards. Filmed in both 8mm and 16mm, the footage features explosive riding by the team, as well as a few of their friends, and showcases the lighter side of professional snowboarding.

And on this final, shameless plug, we bring to a close this version of Tiny Type.

h to stay away any longer, at least that's what Dave said. All of us would like to wish former Lib Tech team manager Liberty good luck at her new job with MTV. Wave Rave has added the U.S. Women's Extreme Snowboarding Champion Julie Larson to their roster. Morrow's new team manager is the lovely, Miss Rebecca Herath. Team members Todd Richards, Josh Dirksen, Tyler Lepore, and Billy Anderson broke her in by inciting a pizza toss and food-fight riot the first night they had dinner together. If their waitress hadn't been so smitten with Mr. Dirksen, Rebecca may have had to spend her first night with her new team in jail instead. Rebecca did get a very nice call from Tyler's mom who asked Rebecca to please give her son a chance: his surly locks don't mean he's not a good boy. Unfortunately, Boarder Patrol doesn't feel the same way. Since Tyler has dual citizenship, spending half his time in Tahoe and the other half at his new digs in North Vancouver, immigration loves to ream it to him (no pun intended) and give him one of those annoying body cavity searches whenever he comes in or out of the country. A few friendly words of advice–if you don't like a hand up the wazoo, then cut off those nappy-ass dreads. While on the topic of wazoos, Whitey's is intact despite the fact that he just spent several days behind bars. The DEA offered him a plea bargain, which consisted of an early release in trade for a commercial dictating the hazards of driving under the influence. Justice has finally been served.

Bastards Chris Brown, Dave Cashen, Nate Cole, Dionne Delesalle, Rob Dow, Max Jenke, Mikey LeBlanc, Joel Mahaffey, J.F. Pelchat, Kale Stephens, and Devun Walsh are all featured in Iris' new team video, Lil' Bastards. Filmed in both 8mm and 16mm, the footage features explosive riding by the team, as well as a few of their friends, and showcases the lighter side of professional snowboarding.

And on this final, shameless plug, we bring to a close this version of Tiny Type.