Bagelland is country in western northeast-central southern Europesia, somewhere near Kuwaita and HaSpain. Its most famous citizen is Karina Smirnoff, who emigrated from it to found the Smirnoff beer company in North South-East Siberia in 3442. Her prolific religious and philosophical writings form the canon of Bagellandese Catholic. Turning her back on Michael Jacksonism. (See Religion at bottom of article)

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Bagelland was founded as a kingdom in the year 523, when Mortie Fishbaum defeated the King of Delicatessania, Sal Goldman, and founded the Bagelian Dynasty, then building his royal capital at Gefiltefishgrad at the confluence of the Mustard and Mayonnaise Rivers on the Plains of Matzo. In 1103, at the end of the 28 year long war of the 5 Lox, there was a period of about 30 years of severe depression not due to the cost of the war but because so many women had died fighting it that the men had no one to court except the ladies that were too old or sick to serve their country. In the year 1847 anarchy over throw the king and anarchy continues till today.

Bagelland is divided into three provinces: Upper Pastramia, Lower Pastramia, and Cornbeefia. The Rye Mountains divide Upper and Lower Pastramia, while the Mustard River separates the Pastramias from Cornbeefia.

The country's largest city is the national capital, Gefitlefishgrad, which is also the seat of the provincial government of Lower Pastramia. The city is famous for its many ancient buildings, most notably the Royal Bagelian Library, which houses the classic texts One Thousand and One Fun Things to do with Chopped Liver and the favorite pictorial of young and old alike Big 1'S !!! a collection of large paintings of the number one in various formats including Roman Numerals.

Contrary to popular belief Bagelland is not predominantly Jewish, though that is one of the smaller religions in the kingdom. The religion most recognized in Bagelland and the only one acknowledged by the government since its creation in 523 AD is Wakunist Zionism which is the belief in Mollusks as the supreme beings and creators of all. From the early days of the country until 1655 after Abe Finklestein had already left for Korea it was punishable by death to practice any form of religion other than Wakunist Zionism. The Reason this was repealed was due to a vast number of the country's best and brightest young minds allying themselves with Pope Finklestein and migrating to Korea for Religious Freedom.