We Hate to Lose You, Mr. LowlsyWinner of our 2013 Contest

*ABOUT THE VOLUME*
A story of disappearance, reincarnation, and living at the brink of a void, We Hate to Lose You, Mr. Lowsly is about how lives blossom and fade. A teacher slowly turns blue, two girls in a cornfield find a bottomless hole, a principal ready to retire not to another city but another life—Woodring’s world feels familiar only in its traumas and disappointments. Contest judge Kevin Wilson calls We Hate to Lose You, Mr. Lowsly “a story with a high degree-of-difficulty. The unexpected shifts in the narrative, each time bringing on another kind of magic, could easily have overwhelmed the sensitive and complicated work being done, but, in the hands of this writer, it pushes the story instead into a more wonderful and thrilling place. The ending, as perfect as it is strange, really blew me away.”

*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*
Susan Woodring is the author of a novel, Goliath (St. Martin’s Press, 2012), and a short story collection, Springtime on Mars (Press 53, 2008). Her short fiction has appeared in Isotope, Passages North, turnrow, and Surreal South, among other anthologies and literary magazines. Her work has twice been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and her short fiction was shortlisted for Best American Non-Required Reading 2008 and Best American Short Stories 2010. Susan writes and homeschools her two children, Abby and Aiden, in western North Carolina.

*SUBSCRIBE*
The best way to enjoy The Cupboard is to subscribe for the year which is only $15. You can and should do so right here.

New Cupboard

Becoming Monster
by Christopher Higgs
63 pages. Tape-bound.
$5.00

Cover and Book Design by Todd Seabrook.

An essay in nineteen parts, where writer-critic Christopher Higgs investigates how a monster is not born but formed. What are the circumstances that can turn a person into a monster, and what are the ramifications of becoming one? Scanning art, philosophy, literature, and television, Higgs is on the hunt not just for the world’s monsters, but for the monstrousness that hides in the depths of human nature. Then again: “What do we mean when we say human,” Higgs asks, “and what do we mean when we say nature?” These unstable definitions are as dangerous as any monster hiding in man’s stories. Part treatise, part warning, Becoming Monster is a critical study of the very nature of the grotesque. The Cupboard is thrilled to put the beastly thing in your hands.

About the Author
Christopher Higgs wrote The Complete Works of Marvin K. Mooney (Sator Press) and assembled ONE (Roof Books) in collaboration with Blake Butler and Vanessa Place. Other of his work appears in print and online at The Paris Review, Denver Quarterly, BOMB, AGNI, Quarterly West, and elsewhere. He currently lives in Florida, where he curates the critically acclaimed online art gallery Bright Stupid Confetti.

* O, who am I kidding? Her name is Becca. She just publishes under Rebecca. Sort of like I publish under Adamela

* Adamela won a thing with a piece you can read alongside other awesome piece here.

* Seriously, the fact that Amy Hempel is the judge is the reason I sent and so it’s incredibly gratifying to think of her reading it. I’m pretty sure I’ve found a way to teach her in every fiction and literature class I’ve taught in the last few years.

Selected by Michael Martone as the winner of The Cupboard’s first-ever contest.

*ABOUT THE VOLUME*There are ghosts who have never died. David Hawkins’s Lorraine Nelson: A Biography in Post-it Notes is about such a person or maybe two such people. A mysterious name. A terrible job. The drudgery of the office makes ghosts of many, but can be survived with wit, imagination, and heart. Lorraine Nelson never lived, but in this volume, selected by Michael Martone as the winner of The Cupboard’s first contest, she’s given the elegy she deserves.

Of the volume, Martone writes that “it’s made up of surprising but complex asides, elaborated and compacted articulations that scale beautifully into a durable and brilliant skin, a chain mail of associative links and leaps. The language is massive and minute, mute and malleable. The whole piece performs the paradox, recombining the airy ephemeral with an adhesive that does, in fact, stick.”

*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*David Hawkins’s poetry and nonfiction have received awards from the Utah Arts Council and have appeared in a number of journals and periodicals. He is an assistant professor/lecturer at the University of Utah where he was the editor-in-chief of Quarterly West from 2001 to 2005, and he lives in Salt Lake City with his wife and their two boys. He still pulls the occasional crappy job.

*SUBSCRIBE*Every year brings four new Cupboards. Collect them all for $15 here.

Individual volumes, including past volumes from Amanda Goldblatt, Andrew Borgstrom, Anne Marie Rooney, and Ryan Call and James Scott are available for $5.

* SUBMIT*As always, subscribers are invited to submit prose between 4,000 and 8,000 words through our Submishmash site here.

Open submissions will return in the summer. But…

!CONTEST!Everyone is invited to submit to The Cupboard’s Second-Ever Contest. This year’s contest will be judged by Maud Casey, author of The Shape of Things to Come, Genealogy, and Drastic.

Submissions will be open between February 1st and March 31st. We’re looking for prose submissions between 4k and 10k words of short stories, essays, collections of flash fiction and prose poems, and combinations thereof.

The winning author will receive $500 and the manuscript will be published as an upcoming volume. Submissions are received and read anonymously, and all submissions are eligible for regular publication. We again plan on offering contest submitters a discounted submission to The Cupboard.

Look for more details and an official announcement on February 1st.

*OUR NEXT VOLUME*The next volume of the Cupboard is by Chanelle Benz and will debut at AWP this spring. Look for us in the Table X section again sharing a table with Octopus Books.

Silicone trenches. Gold amphitheaters. Whole red rivers. The clouds, the clouds, the clouds. Through the gutpunch sentences of these twenty-eight pieces you’ll get taken to stark, secret places. It’s not so much the beauty you’ll find there as it is the horror, the cold sweat. This is The Buff. This is surrealism’s new texture. “It was a strange world,” this narrator insists, “and I was in it.”

Anne Marie Rooney’s first book, Spitshine, is forthcoming from Carnegie Mellon University Press. She is the recipient of the Iowa Review Award, the Gulf Coast Poetry Prize, and the Amy Award, and her writing has appeared in the Best New Poets and Best American Poetry anthologies. Born and raised in New York City, she recently earned her M.F.A. from Cornell University, and currently lives in New Orleans with her partner. Anne Marie hopes to live in a lighthouse when she grows up.

*SUBSCRIBE*

The Cupboard mails 4 volumes per year at a cost of $15. Subscribe here.

Individual volumes, including past volumes from Caia Hagel, Amanda Goldblatt, Andrew Borgstrom, and Ryan Call and James Scott are available for $5.

*SUBMIT*

The Cupboard will be accepting submissions through September 1st. You’re invited to submit prose work between 4,000 and 8,000 words through our Submishmash site here.

*CONTEST RESULTS*

The Cupboard is pleased to announce the results of its first-ever contest.

Winner

David Hawkins, Lorraine Nelson: A Biography in Post-It Notes

Runner-Up

JoAnna Novak, Drape Your Wrist with an Expensive Wristwatch

Finalists

Josh Cook, The Mysterious City

Sherrie Flick, Good Dog

Jamie Gaughran-Perez, California Ruins the End

Pedro Ponce, The Paranormal Guide to Wedding Etiquette

John Stadler, dear comrade

We would like to thank everyone who entered and again congratulate our finalists.

*OUR NEXT VOLUME*

Our contest winner, Lorraine Nelson: A Biography in Post-It Notes by David Hawkins, will be the next volume of The Cupboard. Look for it this fall.

* I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but making fun of stock photography has really caught on. This, far more than my declining health or general disinterest, is why I haven’t written about it in a while. Still, some fantastic examples here (thanks E).

* This is pretty great if you’re a fan of The Wire. And if you’re not a fan of The Wire, I really think you should get on that (Thanks H).

* The Cupboard‘s contest deadline was extended over the weekend and so you’ve now got until April 4th to submit here. Please do. Or, at a minimum, tell your father.

* Speaking of The Cupboard, we’re going to be at the Houston Indie Book Fest alongside a bunch of other great presses, some fantastic readers, and, I’m told, a crepe truck.

* When I told my class about the crepe truck, one student asked with devastating seriousness: Sweet or Savory?

* I answered some questions about The Cupboard for the festival here. O, and when I say “we” are at the festival, I mean me, in the sun, eating a crepe of ambiguous savoriness. So come say hi.

* The Royals lost on opening day, but, in perhaps the brightest spot, got a good performance out of Aaron Crow. Still, I’ve long been aware of the folly of my optimistic season preview and the shortcomings only seem more clear now. It’s possible winning 70 games with this rotation is actually impossible.

* If I’m still alive, I’ll post something about my fantasy team soon. Because that seems like something I should put on the internet. In the mean time, ponder their name and mascot:

I took exactly two pictures during the 5 days I was in D.C., one in my first hour there, one in my last.

Picture one:

This was on the Metro map when I arrived, proving once again that people from Texas are jerks everywhere. Not pictured: me writing it. I don’t know how this state got to me, but it probably involved breakfast tacos.

Picture two:

This was my suitcase on the way home which was 70% Cupboards, 20% Anna Karenina, and 10% clothes, proving once again that I’m awesome at packing everywhere. Not pictured: me wearing 5 shirts and all my socks.

* In all seriousness, this volume has gotten a great response and we at The Cupboard are really excited about it. Many thanks to all the kind reviewers spreading the word.

* In non-Cupboard news, Royals’ pitcher Gil Meche walked away from $12.4 million dollars because he couldn’t help the team this year. No, really, he retired instead of taking money he was owed on his contract. To be honest, I don’t know if it’s honorable, exactly, but it’s certainly unique. Not that it’s not honorable, just that I think Gil earned that money whether or not he was injured, and I’d rather see it in the pocket of a player who carried the Royals for two seasons than in the owner’s.

* O well. Good for Gil. Sad to see him go, but it’s the rare athlete who honestly assesses himself and does what he thinks he’s obligated to do. In a fair world, the Royals’ owners would reward his behavior by paying him some/most of the money anyway. As much as this ever happens–and it never happens–usually an injury settlement is involved. The Royals claim that’s not happening so I guess all Meche earns in the final year of his career is a lot of respect.

* Yesterday I heard an elderly professor use the words ‘hullabaloo’ ‘poppycock’ and ‘Iron Butterfly’s In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.’ I just thought you should know that.

* In other Cupboard good news, the fine folks at FlashFiction.Net reviewed Joshua Cohen’s volume here and had nice things to say about it and the other pamphlets. Grateful to them as well.

* And, while I’m at it, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that Cohen’s Witz is on a number of year’s best lists itself. Pick it up from Dalkey.

* O, well, now I can’t stop. Lots of similar attention for Chris Higgs’s The Complete Works of Marvin K. Mooney which you can and should get from SATOR here.

* Two quick things from me. One, American Short Fiction‘s blog is doing a really cool Atlas project for all of their web stories. You should check them all out and mine for “In Space, Smiling” is right here. It’s such a good idea that I wish I’d thought of it. If only The Cupboard had a blog. Alas.

* Two, We Who Are About to Die asked stamp stories contributors to review their own story. Mine is here. I became pretty worried when I read the other reviews (like Dave’s) and felt like I completely missed the point. Still, there it is. Enjoy.

Explanations by Andrew Borgstrom is now available from The Cupboard. It will explain all some things.

*ABOUT THE VOLUME*Explanations is self-explanatory—extra-explanatory, even. A collection of disembodied voices commenting only upon themselves, it is a work of explanation and justification. It is a work of self-defense against an accusatory world.

From “A Soldier Explains Enlistment (and Hope):” They paint your face into the landscape. (Before I answered their call, my hope never came from paintings that captured a sky in perfect color)…

*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*Andrew Borgstrom lives a $6.90 ferry ride from Seattle as a stay-at-home dad. His recent work appears in Sonora Review, Birkensnake, and Abjective. He is the associate editor of Mud Luscious Press and can be found in the Matted Welcome Desert.

* Enjoyed this Zadie Smith piece from the NY Review of Books on Facebook and “Generation Why?”

* Unfortunately, “Generation Why?” was the title of everyone born after 1980’s coming-of-age novel so now we’re just going to have to skip a generation. I look forward to everyone born after 1990’s coming-of-age novel, “September 11th Birthday.”

* For a more complete The Cupboard origin story, I suggest reading the old interview we did with Chris Higgs on HTML Giant here. Maybe it’s because The Cupboard is about to change again, but I’m getting all wistful.

* I’m also wistful for when this blog used to be all cute dog photos and cupcake recipes. To make it up to you, here’s Brett hunting the most dangerous game: baby.

For the first time, The Cupboard actually needs checks. Previously we’d been able to get by with debit cards, PayPal, and loans from Dave and myself that never get paid back. But now we’ve made it (as indicated by us now having an archaic and senseless way of paying bills).

Ordering checks was not easy. The very nice, very American man from Deluxe was having some issues with our business model.

Me: They should say ‘The Cupboard.’Guy: Spell that.Me: [Spells that]Guy: O, right. Ka-pub-oar-ed.Me: No. Cup-board. Like where you keep dishes.Guy: What?Me: You know, like where that Indian lives.Guy: Cu-pa-boe-urd, right?Me: Yes, exactly.

I just want you to know this so that when we write you a check, you know it’s not actually from The Koopafort. It’s from us. Also, the check is bad.

* Octopus 14 is now live and it’s all long poems. It’s amazing how this continues to be a journal that feels new every time out. This is from Jennifer Denrow’s “The Personal History of Wind”:

The people come from themselves. They’re the operations they couldn’t afford. On the other side of the room, they are dressed like clouds. We give them the personal history of wind. When it gets too loud, we shut the door and never go back. The room sits empty for months, filling up with the sound of each drama. We stop imagining what’s happening in the room, and later forget there was ever a room to begin with. Our participation in each other still occurs, but slowly, forgetfully.

* I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here, but Chris Higgs’s novel The Complete Works of Marvin K. Mooney is now officially out. If you haven’t already, pick it up right here.

* No link, but I just wanted to let you know that my first two picks in fantasy football were Shonn Greene and Ryan Matthews. My team is terrible. You shouldn’t like me.

* I think I only wanted Shonn Greene because I wouldn’t have been able to spell either half of his name correctly on the first try.

* We don’t actually have copies quite yet, but we have updated the website for The Cupboard‘s next volume: Explanations by Andrew Borgstrom. Believe me, I’ll post the full announcement, but feel free to check it out, pre-order, etc. Todd did a fantastic job with the cover we all think:

The good folks at MudLuscious Press asked me to contribute to their stamp stories project and I obliged. These are 1″ x 1″ stories that get sent out when you order from MudLuscious and other contributing presses. My story will be sent out with orders from Ampersand Books. Those books look great. You want those books.

Also, starting with our next volume, The Cupboard will once again be mailing out stamps, this time from Scott Garson and Joanna Howard. Excited.

If you’re interested, here are the other options I gave MLP: (one of these is actually my favorite)

The detective solved the murder this way: everyone did it or the heir confessed or the blood is in the foyer or the widow got everything or eureka! or the conspiracy disbanded or nothing happened and there is no body and no knives and everyone is fine forever.

I hold my breath and become more of myself. Vowing to keep only the things near the center of me, I bury the rest in sand. The enemies I’ve made of my eyes, the spies of my fingers—I despair over the places they’ve been that I never really was.

When she awoke, she remembered something about hands but could not remember if the feeling came from a dream or a nightmare or if she’d roll over to find someone clapping.

If you want to read the one MLP chose, order from them or Ampersand and cross your fingers. I promise, you’ll get something much better than the stamp.

As of five o’clock, I’ll be doing that somewhere. Things I am going to do:

* Watch Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy – not that I wasn’t doing it before, just that now I’ll be able to do it while dressed like Toby Esterhase and pretending to smoke a pipe.

* Print things – I don’t know why, but I’ve really missed having a printer. Not that I even print that much, but there’s something terrible about living completely in the intangible. The old Adam Peterson would have turned this into a 3k word post about ebook readers. The new Adam Peterson is going to print black-and-white photos of puppies.

* Ask you to send me music – I don’t have any music. My only album is the new LCD Soundsystem album. Someone else pointed out to me that everyone in these coffeeshops I’ve been killing time in can see my iTunes and probably thinks of me as the guy who, like, really loves that one album and hates everything else.

* Sleep – In a bed. No big deal. Just me doing human things.

* Mail out Cupboards – if you’ve ordered a Cupboard in the last few weeks, you should know that it’s come directly from the backseat of my car. Incidentally, that’s also where I’ve been keeping my balsamic vinaigrette.

* I’ve been reading through these poems all morning instead of finding a place to live. I’m really good at not finding places to live.

* Yesterday in coffeeshopping, a man came in with a Starbucks cup and turned on a TV that was in the corner. This was not a Starbucks. The man then flipped channels until finding Hidalgo which he seemed really excited about. Unfortunately, the barista then came over, yelled at the man by name, and told the man he was sick of this. The man then left without asking the barista what exactly he was sick of. The TV watching? The Starbucks? The Viggo Mortensen? It was the most exhilarating 30 seconds of my day.

* In order to understand this, I had to wikipedia Twitter and find out what RT and hashtag meant. Still, #edibleshortstories is fun. I would go with “A Good Day for Bananafish” but that’s, you know, already the title.

For a limited time–probably defined by how long it takes Dave to get internet access–The Cupboard is running a sale.

* $12 for a year’s subscription – This price means we’re not good at business. That’s 4 volumes, mailed right to your door.

* $3 for back volumes – Pick up volumes by James Brubaker, Caia Hagel, Mathias Svalina, Michael Stewart, and Joshua Cohen. I think I can say objectively that this offers a compelling ratio of greatness to dollars.

* I guest-edited the most recent edition of NOÖ Weekly which you should check out right here. Great work from people I like: Dave Madden, Angie Hume, Jeff Downey, Laura Eve Engel! Those are some heavy hitters. Go.

The Cupboard is pleased to announce the release of Catalpa: This Is Not True by Amanda Goldblatt—an essay, redacted.

*ABOUT THE VOLUME*We can not know what presence is until we know how to punctuate it. We cannot know how to punctuate it until we admit the truth. We cannot admit the truth until we know what words we need to hide. Catalpa is an essay on scrims and landscapes. It’s a poem, a redaction, a confession, at least once a recipe. Here one wants to know: what if animals die and it might not mean anything? Here one is given: an essay that builds sandcastles on the floor. It’s the best kind of nonfiction: the kind that isn’t true.

*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*Amanda Goldblatt was born in Washington D.C. in 1982. She now lives in St. Louis, Missouri, where she teaches creative nonfiction and fiction at Washington University. Her stories have been published in Redivider, Sonora Review, The Collagist, Diagram, and elsewhere. She edits the online journal Super Arrow.

*SUBSCRIBE*The Cupboard publishes a new volume every three months. A year’s subscription is $15. Subscribe here.

The Cupboard is pleased to announce the release of Bridge & Tunnel (& Tunnel & Bridge) by Joshua Cohen. 12 stories, to be read as they were written—on the bridge, in the tunnel, in the bus, on the train.

*ABOUT THE VOLUME*

A man performs the role of the Sun in a bit of modern choreography, a young ballerina ruins a dinner party with one violent sneeze. A painter paints paintings of walls and hires a painter to paint onto a wall. Some lifestories get rejected. Some stalkers get stalked. Here, for you: twelve stories. Read excerpts here.

*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*

Joshua Cohen was born in New Jersey in 1980. He is the author of two collections of short ﬁction: The Quorum, and Aleph-Bet: An Alphabet for the Perplexed, and two novels: Cadenza for the Schneidermann Violin Concerto, and A Heaven of Others. Another novel, Witz, will be published in 2010. Cohen lives in Brooklyn, NY and can be found online at http://www.joshuacohen.org.

*SUBSCRIBE*

This is our sixth volume of The Cupboard, and we publish a new volume every three months. One year, four volumes=$15. Subscribe here. Past volumes from Louis Streittmatter, Mathias Svalina, Caia Hagel, and Michael Stewart are also available individually for $5.

*SUBMIT*

The Cupboard will be accepting submissions until March 1st. We are looking for prose submissions between 4,000 and 8,000 words. Submissions should be sent by email attachment to submit [at] thecupboardpamphlet [dot] org. Full submission guidelines can be found here.

*OUR NEXT VOLUME*

Amanda Goldblatt’s essay Catalpa will be the next volume of The Cupboard. It’s good. Very good.

The Cupboard is pleased to announce A Brief Encyclopedia of Modern Magic by Michael Stewart which will immediately become the most important compendium of magical knowledge you own.

*ABOUT THE VOLUME*

Every illusion carries a price and no one is more aware of that than the wondrous, tragic magicians detailed here. They know darkness that leaves scars. They know failure that gives birth to terrible life. They know their journey is one of haunting, their competition one that doesn’t end with this world. Did it never occur to us they keep their tricks a secret to protect us?

Michael Stewart is a writer and professor living in Providence, R.I. He teaches creative nonfiction at Brown University where he graduated with an MFA in 2007. His work has appeared in a variety of journals including Conjunctions, Denver Quarterly, and elimae among others. Recently, he has been anthologized in both Thirty Under Thirty and Best of the Web. More of his work can be found at strangesympathies.com.

*SUBSCRIBE*

The best way to enjoy The Cupboard is to subscribe. The Cupboard publishes four great volumes per year and this, our fifth volume, begins our second year. Now is the time. One year=$15. Subscribe here.

Past volumes from Louis Streittmatter, Mathias Svalina, and Caia Hagel are also available individually for $5.

Note: If you’ve been a subscriber since the birth of The Cupboard, your subscription is now up. We hope you will renew it. Thank you so much for your support.

The Cupboard is pleased to announce Acts of Kindness and Excellence in Times Tables by Caia Hagel, a superhero story.

*ABOUT THE VOLUME*

Larry sings cabaret acts at a nightclub called The Unicorn. He wears on stage a spidersuit his mother sewed for him when he was five. The spotlight shines right at his chest. The manager of the nightclub has girl trouble. His wife sunbakes in the nude. Larry’s father died when he was young, and all he has left is the old man’s binoculars. What does Larry see out his apartment’s open windows? Some feelings hurt, life can get lonely, and from time to time we’re reminded: superheroes are real.

Caia Hagel’s personality profiles, travelogues, and art critiques appear from time to time in magazines and TV networks internationally. Her dream sequence on snakes partook of the Tiger Award at the Rotterdam International Film Festival as part of video artist Roy Villevoye’s short film, Beginnings. She has won Best Feature Article at the New York Folio Media Awards for her profile on design demigod Rem Koolhaas, and Best International Experimental Short Film at the Brooklyn Film Festival for script and performance in Under the Swell. Her essays with photographs by Tim Georgeson in the monograph, Blood; Or a Long Weekend With My Wife’s Family, were lately exhibited at Stills Gallery in Sydney, Australia.

*SUBSCRIBE*

This is the end of The Cupboard’s first year. If you’ve been with us since the beginning, it’s time to renew your subscription and we hope you’ll choose to do so. We’ve got some great stuff lined up to start our second year and hope to find even more.

Renewals and new subscriptions are $15 for four volumes. Subscribe here.

Louis Streitmatter’s A New Map of America and Mathias Svalina’s Play are still available and awesome. They can be ordered individually for $5.

*SUBMIT*

The Cupboard is thrilled to begin accepting submissions again on September 15th. Please send us your best stories, collections of prose, aphorisms, what have you.

The Cupboard welcomes prose submissions of anywhere between 4,000 and 8,000 words. Submissions should be sent by email attachment to submit [at] thecupboardpamphlet [dot] org.

*OUR NEXT VOLUME*

Our next volume will be A Brief Encyclopedia of Modern Magic: with tricks you can do at home! by Michael Stewart. It will be the only magic encyclopedia you’ll need.

So The Cupboard–which is about to release its next volume–has a blog, but nobody ever updates it because Dave has his fancy new site where he writes about odd things he sees and I have this one full of disclaimer-laden posts disproving my magical abilities. So we’re sort of at an impasse. Naturally it’s Dave’s fault.

Dave: The Cupboard needs a blog.Me: Great, I’ve been too embarrassed to write about fantasy football on my blog.Dave: No. It will be about writing and books and The Cupboard.Me: Can I write about He’s Just Not That Into You? It was a book. I didn’t read it, but in the movie…Dave: No.Me: Sometimes I play old video games and maybe…Dave: No.

Shockingly, I have never posted on The Cupboard’s blog. If it can’t be a dumping ground for all the humiliating thoughts I have just enough dignity to refrain from posting here–and you can imagine how bad that stuff must be to somehow not make the cut–I really don’t see the point. Okay, I do. I love the idea of having a blog for The Cupboard, but I think we’re going to try something new: a podcast.

Why? Because when one thing isn’t getting enough attention the best thing to do is add another project. It’s still a ways away from coming together, but I think we’re going to feature both our authors and other writers, publishers, romantic comedy cast members, etc. Okay, Dave’s telling me we won’t feature that last one. But otherwise I think we’re on the same page and are excited about having a forum to let writers give readings and talk about their work.

Hey, everyone, it’s The Chapbook Review! It’s full of great reviews of your favorite chapbooks (like the Calls’ Pocket Finger) and an interview conducted by Lakers fan Chris Higgs of (presumably non-Lakers fan) Blake Butler and vice versa. And it just so happens to have two different reviews of Mathias Svalina’s Play (which, as always, you can pick up here).

* Nick Flynn’s Some Ether – I really, really like this book. It looks like I’ll never get around to doing a full writeup of this one, but that’s probably for the best. Every time I try, I end up writing, “I really, really like this book.” and then stopping.

* Jeffrey Toobin’s article on John Roberts – The worst part is that we all knew he was this guy. There was never any doubt that Roberts was not only very conservative–which is fine, it was Bush’s call–but also unprecedentedly political after his years in the White House. All throughout the hearings he gave answers like this one:

“If the Constitution says that the little guy should win, the little guy’s going to win in court before me,” Roberts said. “But if the Constitution says that the big guy should win, well, then the big guy’s going to win, because my obligation is to the Constitution. That’s the oath.”

I mean, nobody believed this. So naturally we now have 5,000 word articles expressing shock–shock!–that Roberts maybe wasn’t what he said:

In every major case since he became the nation’s seventeenth Chief Justice, Roberts has sided with the prosecution over the defendant, the state over the condemned, the executive branch over the legislative, and the corporate defendant over the individual plaintiff. Even more than Scalia, who has embodied judicial conservatism during a generation of service on the Supreme Court, Roberts has served the interests, and reflected the values, of the contemporary Republican Party.Jesus, it’s like he said what everyone wanted to hear then changed once he had a lifetime appointment. If only there was a group of people who could have gotten together–a sort of congress, if you will–and done something about this. Oh well.

* Higgs’s interview – Good stuff and not just because I always get to imagine him rolling his eyes at my political talk. I like Chris.

* Dave’s new website – Finally, a place for Dave to share his thoughts on the television shows of the day in the most egotistical manner possible. I have this theory he chose .org because Dave thinks of himself not as something he has to sell to you (.com) but as something you have to volunteer and pay dues for, like the AARP. I like Dave.

* Play at This Recording – That’s a great website on any day, but it just so happens to feature pieces from Mathias’s new Cupboard today.

Things I’ve Been Listening to Recently

* The Nazario Scenario – My life has been much richer ever since I discovered how to subscribe to podcasts. This is always one of my favorites. It made me want to meet Amanda Nazario. Then someone told me I did meet Amanda Nazario. But, like, I think I’d meet her better this time. Okay, probably not.

* Danger Mouse’s Dark Night of the Soul – You can stream the entire album at that link since it’s apparently never going to be sold. Or maybe it will be sold but you have to ask David Lynch nicely or something. I don’t know, but I do know that it’s good. You should go listen to it.

* Rany Jazayerli’s Royals on the Radio – I don’t think you’re going to find a better radio show about the Royals hosted by a Muslim baseball statistician/dermatologist. Bold statement, I know. Unrelated to baseball, but his essay from the election which ended up on This American Life is still a must read.

Things I’ve Been Watching Recently

* Not much – But I did catch Frost/Nixon after Netflix skipped approximately 15 other movies in my queue (did that many other people really want to watch Bride Wars?). It was fine and sort of nondescript like Howard’s other stuff, but I just can’t get over the fact that its hero is someone that his most talented contemporaries passionately hate. Peter Cook and the entire cast of Monty Python, for example.

* Steven Karl gave a mini-review of Play, the new volume of The Cupboard by Mathias Svalina, here. “Svalina’s writing ranges from simplistic to absurd and is always filled with wit, intelligence, and most importantly compassion.” So very true. I think if you’ll read the whole review you’ll see that by ‘simplistic’ he’s implying something innocent or childlike which has always been one of my favorite aspects of Mathias’s writing.

* I’m glad somebody else got to write that. If it were left to me, I would have said something like, “Svalina’s writing sometimes seems like it’s coming from the smartest, strangest, most well-read child, probably some kind of space child who, when we get him back to the lab, shows us how much more further he can see using his space eyes–both inward and outward–than we will ever be able to. But this vision has not cost him his sense of humor or wonder, it has only made him more aware of possibility, of justice and truth and the coming of the Space Conquistadors.”

* See, it’s better if I just tell you to considering buying M’s volume or just subscribing to The Cupboard. All of that can be done here.

* On the elevator this morning someone said to me, “I hope the sun burns off this grey” (although they probably would have spelled it gray. I’ve just decided to spell my words the way the Queen would want me to spell them). This seemed like a rather violent greeting. Especially since I was mostly asleep, we were inside, and the only grey I could see was in the person’s hair. I believe I replied, “Yes.” But I didn’t really mean it.

* Yesterday I was the 28th person to vote at my precinct. This was at 5:15 in the afternoon. The elderly women running the polling place were getting a little saucy. I’ve never had so much fun voting for three races (two competitive).

* I’d let you know if the good guys won, but, honestly, when it comes to the local airport authority, I don’t think there are good guys and bad guys; there are only bad life decisions.

The Cupboard is pleased to present Play by Mathias Svalina, a collection of children’s games perfect for the child you don’t know.

*ABOUT THE VOLUME*Children need preoccupations. Children need supervision and bran in their diets and children need instruction. For you, for your children: Play, a collection of twenty-nine games to issue gentle correctives and urge honing of the child’s wayward sense of wonder. For sixteen or more players. For two. For five. For one child left alone to fend for herself.

*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*Mathias Svalina is a co-editor of Octopus Magazine and Books. He is the author & collaborator of numerous chapbooks & his first full-length book, Destruction Myths, is forthcoming from Cleveland State University Press. He lives deep in Brooklyn, NY.

*SUBSCRIBE*A year’s subscription to The Cupboard runs $15. You’re getting 4 volumes of approximately 7k words each. So on a per word basis it’s practically nothing. And those are some good words, too. Like entropy and turtle shell. Subscribe here.

You may also order volumes individually for $5.

Parables & Lies has sold out, but the excellent A New Map of America is still available.

*OUR NEXT VOLUME*We are also pleased to announce that our next volume will be Caia Hagel’s Acts of Kindness and Excellence in Times Tables. It’s a good one.

I’m not going to even try to review this since I’m in no way an impartial reader of the book. Jesse Ball’s fantastic Samedi the Deafness is why we asked him to write the first volume of The Cupboard, and he not only agreed to let two guys he didn’t know publish his work, he gave us something really great. So even if he wasn’t such a great writer, I’d pretend he was because he’s such a nice guy.

But he is a great writer and a nice guy and he’s written the book you wish you were reading right now.

Here’s how good this book is. Brett ate the cover:

She hasn’t done this since she was a puppy, and that was cookbook so you can imagine what magic these pages must contain.

But this isn’t about my untrained dog slowly enacting her own form of entropy on the world, this is about you buying Jesse Ball’s nesting doll of a novel. If you need a context, think At Swim-Two-Birds, Cloud Atlas, and If on a Winter’s Night a Traveller – three books that I love and that, as far as I can tell, everyone who reads them loves.

Doors is similarly a book one falls into and easily the fourth leg of that table. But I can’t review it, I can only tell you to pick it up and be happy.

* Did you know The Cupboard has a blog? I’m always the last one to find out about these things. It’s right here. We’re still trying to figure out what it will be (other than awesome). I haven’t written anything for it but that’s only because Dave hasn’t told me how to post. I’m not certain, but I think he wants me to stay away lest I make everyone sad or post black-and-white photos or randomly name drop Kansas City Royals.

* I would do all of those things if given the chance. You’ve probably noticed.

* I have three Flasher pieces in the new Salt Hill which you should pick up here for reasons that have nothing to do with me and everything to do with it being a beautiful book. There’s a lot of fantastic writing, too–and then my lucky pieces which are mostly notable for coming from a manuscript I keep forgetting about. If you’re curious, in these pieces the Flasher “is asked for change,” “tries to be a nudist,” and “tells a joke.” That nutty Flasher.

* I think this is the end of the Flashers. This despite me presently recapturing my love for writing the word “Flasher.”

* Speaking of The Cupboard and flashers–okay, not really–Mathias’s volume is coming out so, so soon. Mathias would also like you to know about this.

* You want to click on that link.

* Uninteresting work note: Every so often I’ll listen to an album on a co-worker’s iTunes, usually something new that I want to check out or something I’m surprised to find (Temple of the Dog? Sure, why not). This is fine and good and why our iTunes are linked together in the first place (it is not, despite what I initially believed, a contest. If it were, I wouldn’t have had to make my own “Office’s Best iTunes” trophy).

But then these albums end and I’m at the mercy of whatever the alphabet says is next. This is a problem because it usually takes at least 20 minutes for me to figure out that I’m hearing something new.

I guess I’m trying to explain why I’m currently listening to Smash Mouth. It’s important that there be a reason for this. I need you to believe me.

I’ll be in Chicago from tomorrow morning until Sunday for a conference and reading fair that shares my initials, an odd move on my part as I have no clear association with a university and dislike ‘fairs’ that don’t serve cotton candy. While I’m looking forward to seeing people I used to know, I really have no idea what goes on during this conference that requires my five-day presence. My guess: throat clearing.

I’ll be there in service of The Cupboard which means Dave and I will be at table #368 with Octopus and Rope-a-Dope. You should stop by and say hello as long as you’re not coming to kick me out for lying about student status and then admitting it (twice) online.

(Hold on, I have to check into my flight. I’m an A! This is going well.)

Should you stop by and say hello, I will likely say one of the following things to you:

* “No, sir, I do not care to wrestle.” – if you’re John Irving

* “I’m sorry I threw a stick at you.” – if you’re a girl named Megan who lived by my friend Ryan when I was 6 and who I once hit with a stick when I meant to hit someone else because there was a time in my youth, around age 6 I guess, when I thought it might be a good idea to throw a stick at someone standing near a girl named Megan who lived by my friend Ryan, but I haven’t held on to the particulars, only the guilt

* “I didn’t think you could get any whiter. Zing, take that Updike’s ghost!” – if you’re Updike’s ghost

* “Opposition to the stimulus package based on a wariness of increased government debt is an absurd position given the already massive deficits projections which, of course, will only get much worse should the economic downturn prove permanent. Balancing the budget may very well be a noble goal, but it’s simply not a priority when faced with a potential world-wide depression, the collapse of the banking system, and two foreign wars. Even if balancing the budget were possible–it isn’t–it would mean putting millions more out of work, sucking capital from a world desperately short on it, and choosing the worst time possible to haphazardly watch what happens when states, banks, and large corporations go bankrupt because of some poorly thought out political philosophy extrapolated from a desire to protect wealth many of its adherents do not actually have.” – if you’re unfortunate

* “Anyone want to get out of here and go see Coraline?” – if you’re seeing me after the first hour

* “Stop rejecting me.” – if you’re the editor of Tin House or anyone I’m playing basketball against

* “Who wants to go to the Apple store?” – if you’re catching me at a weak moment

* “I’m not sure about this sweater I’m wearing. It’s seems maybe too thin for the temperature outside but I’m also thinking that since I’m going to be inside for most of the day in a large room with a lot of people milling about…yeah, this sweater is fine. Still, I don’t know how I feel about it. What if there aren’t a lot of people? I’m going to be there for like eight hours unless someone wants to go see Coraline so I should maybe wear something else. No, it’s fine. It’s fine. I just wish I had a way to check for Royals news. Oh, a McDonald’s and they’re still serving breakfast! [circus music]” – if you’re listening to my internal monologue.

* “Yes, yes I would like another.” – if you’re going to the bar (or unexpectedly selling cotton candy at the fair)

* “That’s a different Adam Peterson. I’m that one who murders people. Oh, even better, the guy in the orchid society. Yeah, that one. I’d like to be that one.” – if you’re mentioning this blog

I can’t imagine I’ll have cause to say anything else all week. Unless someone wants to talk about pitchers and catchers reporting. I’ll have plenty to say about that.

The Cupboard is pleased to present A New Map of America by Louis Streitmatter and edited by James Brubaker, a guide for a nation’s lost and grateful citizens.

*ABOUT THE VOLUME*“An intricate and poetic mystery—as pretentious as it is lovely.”–Sir Jonathan R. Alpert, British Royal Cartographers’ Association

More than thirty years in the making, renowned cartographer Louis Streitmatter’s A New Map of America is at last here for a nation of lost and grateful citizens. In this book—containing the controversial map as well as the cartographer’s notes on the many landmarks he’s surveyed—Streitmatter unveils a new contour to this country’s surfaces and boundaries. The result is a generous guide for any weary traveler. Read it. Use It. Keep it in your pockets.

The Cupboard is pleased to announce Parables & Lies by Jesse Ball, the first volume in our new format. A 76-page, tape-bound volume designed by Brett Yasko, Parables & Lies is a beautiful little book which you can explore here.

*SUBSCRIBE*Please consider subscribing to The Cupboard. We publish 4 volumes a year, and we’ll send them your way for the insignificant price of $15. Of course, we understand that there are a lot of ways to spend your hard-earned money, but trust us when we say that you’ll be very happy with The Cupboard. Subscribe here.

You can also choose to order volumes individually for $5.

*THE VOLUME*The Cupboard’s inaugural pamphlet contains thirty-six short narratives about weary travelers and siblings of strange portent. Here is a world of kingdoms and distrust, of strangers to be encountered and age-old morals never, probably, to come. Read excerpts here.

*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*Jesse Ball (1978-) is a poet and novelist. His works include The Way Through Doors (Vintage 2009), Samedi the Deafness (Vintage 2007), Vera & Linus (Nyhil 2006), Og svo kom nottin (Nyhil 2006), and March Book (Grove 2004). His work was included in Best American Poetry 2006. He won the Plimpton Prize for the novella, The Early Deaths of Lubeck, Brennan, Harp & Carr. He is an assistant professor at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. See more at Jesse Ball was a Spy but has Retired to the Country.

*SUBMIT*The Cupboard welcomes prose submissions of anywhere between 4,000 and 8,000 words. Submissions should be sent by email attachment to submit [at] thecupboardpamphlet [dot] org.

*DISTRIBUTE*Because this is our first volume (and because it is particularly incredible), we’re hoping you will help us spread the word. Any way you can help us out would be greatly appreciated, as we rely on you for links, subscriptions, and, most importantly, submissions.

Oh, and if you’re interested in reviewing the volume, or know someone who might be, please contact us.

The Cupboard has returned and we’re ready to announce that our first volume will be Parables & Lies from Jesse Ball. It’s not available yet–and won’t be for at least a couple of weeks–but the website has been updated with subscription information and excerpts. I’m posting it here in the hopes that if you’re a sympathetic reader of this blog, you might go to the site, poke around a little, and let us know what you think.

We’re also officially taking subscriptions now and they’re quite the deal. For $10 you get a year’s worth (4 volumes) of incredible prose. You can also buy the volumes individually for $3 but that’s just silly. These are absolutely as inexpensive as we can make them while still putting out a high-quality publication and we think you’ll be pleased with the final product.

There will be a lot more details, pictures, and unrequested email announcements coming from us in the near future, but for now just please check out the website, read the excerpts from Jesse’s incredible work, and let Dave or I know if you have any thoughts.

So The Cupboard is back as a quarterly pamphlet series, and while I’m sure you’ll be hearing a lot more about it in this space, I thought I’d post our call for submissions in case you didn’t see it elsewhere. Please send us your work or help us spread the word.

By the way, I think this call for submissions is the first time we’ve said who our first author is going to be. We couldn’t be more excited about it. It’s going to be a really incredible volume and we feel very lucky to get to share it.

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

The Cupboard is a quarterly pamphlet of creative prose published in Lincoln, Nebraska. Each volume features a body of work by a single author in a uniquely designed chapbook format. Our first volume will be out in June and features Samedi the Deafness author Jesse Ball.

We are currently looking for prose submissions of anywhere between 5,000 and 10,000 words. Submissions can be composed of one piece or multiple pieces. We make no demands on content or genre with the exception of verse poetry, which we don’t publish. We read fiction and nonfiction and are happy to see collections that include both.

There is no reading fee for submissions, and simultaneous submissions are allowed. All submissions should be sent as email attachments to submit [AT] thecupboardpamphlet.org. For more information, visit http://www.thecupboardpamphlet.org.

The Cupboard would like to apologize for the lack of pamphleteering we’ve done recently. As always, The Cupboard has excuses and plans.

Since we began, we’ve being trying to find ways to deal with the problematic business of publishing a monthly anonymous online and in-print literary pamphlet. Unfortunately, while we’re proud of everything we’ve printed, getting the quality of submissions The Cupboard hopes to print has been difficult. Perhaps not surprisingly, anonymity is a deal breaker for many writers and while most journals are awash in submissions, we get shockingly few.

So we’re going to change. The Cupboard will still be a pamphlet, only of much greater quality and design than the current model. No longer will we be anonymous, but will instead feature a single author of prose each volume. You might even call these new, nicely printed, single author pamphlets chapbooks. We won’t—The Cupboard is a pamphlet—but you might.

Longer and greater announcements are forthcoming, but just know that The Cupboard will continue. We hope you’ll consider submitting and subscribing once everything is settled. We’ll be in touch.

1. A non-fiction piece on invented games, swimming pools, and murder.2. A collection that could have been 401 characters or 399, but instead are all 400 – as they must be.3. Something about using furniture to make trees.

Oh, and you should submit to the upcoming theme volume on prose adaptated from movies adapted from books. It’s not meta, it’s awesome. Go.

So, someone posted The Cupboard to metafilter (which was nice. Thanks, anonymous stranger) and suddenly the page is being swarmed with hits and a few emails have started to come in about the “misspelling” of ‘alterior’ in our cover text. What is strange about this is that no one ever said anything before. Did people get that it was a pun? Are our readers bad spellers or just really in tune with our aesthetic? I should ask all four of them.

In any case, the pun was a bad idea for innumerable reasons and will probably be the last one to appear on the cover. At least after next month’s one about leafing home for the fall and our special Halloween volume on wherewolves. You know, like wolves that are lost.