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Friday, October 26, 2012

The Comic Inquirer: Donald Trump has an important message for you

"Anticipation. It's making me wait. It's keeping me way yay yay ting"

When I first heard the news, I knew it was going to be big. Donald Trump doesn't do anything in a small way. It was going to be huge. I feared he might have a sex tape with Barack and Michele, and Barack might possibly be shooting blanks. Anything was possible here. As the day drew closer, the anticipation was killing me. Really, I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't write. I couldn't work. The hours seemed to take forever. Like 10 seconds was taking days. Life became slow motion. I had to go out, so I was going to miss the immediacy of what he had to say. But as soon as I got home, I checked. He was right. It was huge. Big. Gigantic. Everything he said it would be, and more.Donald Trump, checking into rehab for a promotion whore addiction? Shocking. Didn't see that one coming.

I for one was shocked. He was right. It was something I never would have suspected.Donald Trump is a promotion whore and he is seeking treatment.Yes, I did know he was a promotion whore. We all knew that. But why help? Why now?The Comic Inquirer contacted the Donald to ask him what brought this change of heart on.

CI: Lets get this out of the way first. Your hair, what's the deal with that?DT: I got nothing. Sorry. It is what it is.CI: But, you are extremely wealthy. Has it ever occurred to you that you could take that 5 million you just offered up for something nobody gives a rats ass about and get a real piece for your head?DT: No, absolutely not. If I started to look good, look normal, my promotion whore thing goes down the toilet. The hair stays as is.

CI: But now that you are getting treatment for your promotion whore addiction, you don't really need the hair.

DT: Well, I need the hair. The hair is part of me. I will die with this thing on my head. Dolly Parton has her boobs, Ron Jeremy had his cock, I have outrageous fake hair. It's my legacy.

CI: Back to the therapy. What brought this on?

DT: Really, it all boils down to this. Since everything I say now is not noticed because I am a promotion whore, then the best way to get attention is to get treatment for it. So, in essence, my goal is to never be cured, unless getting cured gets me more attention, in which case, I will do that until that doesn't work either.