It goes with life is short and everyone should live life to the fullest. I believe that the success of life is not about how much you earn and how popular you are, but it is more about who you really want to be as an individual in life. We only get one chance to live, so make it the best. One of my favorite quotes is “Live Life to the Fullest” by Ernest Hemingway.

2008-06-30

Have you ever sat down and thought what do you want? Asked yourself what exactly do you want? What are you looking for in life, friendship, and relationship? For the past years, I have been wandering on the path of life just like we all do. Relationship wise, it was a mess for me. I used to be confused and wallowed myself in the mistakes that I made, but what has been done is done. I thought I always knew what I was looking for by then, but it never happened to be exactly the way I expected. However, this is life, I made mistakes, I met wrong people, I did stupid things, I looked in all the wrong places, but I learned from them.

One of my friends used to say to me “You can do better than that.” Nowadays, this statement is stuck in my mind. It runs parallel with the question that I ask myself “Is this what I want?” to help me with decision making. Life is supposed to be fun, but the fun also has to be worth your time and what you want. It’s like an angel and a devil on my each shoulder whenever I am debating “To do or not to do.” The past scenes played every time during my dilemma, and if I want a change moving forward, I have to learn from the past, and I am not going to repeat the pattern. After all, I really can do much better than that. Whatever “that” is, I know better than anyone else if it is what I am looking for or not.

I repeat this, life is supposed to be fun, but the fun also has to be worth your time and what you want. When we go against our heart and follow the mind, we can lose the pieces of ourselves, and years after years, we still wonder, what exactly I am looking for?

After the weekend, you back to work, school, or wherever that you meet your friends, and then they start to ask you “How was your weekend?” or “What did you do on the weekend?” – Those kinds of questions. Personally, I find it hard sometime to answer “Nothing.” That’s because I don’t like my life to be this kind of “nothing” when I do not have to work. I believe that life is supposed to be fun and be lived to the fullest.

As always, if you go out and do something, you create a history of yourself. What I mean by that? When you go out, you interact with other people, you see things, you have fun, and you may or may not enjoy the day, but you remember about it on the next day. You then can share this with your friends, answer to those kind of weekend questions with something more than just “Nothing.” The conversation then flows accordingly. Besides that, you can also work around your house, your apartment, whatever, and even just relax at home. But personally, relaxing at home would be my last resort or when I am really not in the mood of doing anything. The gists of it is do something, go out, drag yourself out of the bed, the couches, and browse around town and people, you will feel much better. That is when I call it living life to the fullest. Sitting at home and doing nothing can lead to boredom and possibly loneliness, consequently, you waste the day-off, the time, and cause yourself to suffer from emotional defects. And that is not sexy at all.

2008-06-29

The past is to learn from not to live in. When it comes to a relationship, do some people really learn from the past relationship that they had? Or past dating that they had? Before I begin talking about this, I want to point out that I am referring to some people, not everyone.

I used to move fast, I used to be so clingy, I took things for granted, I acted too immature, etc. You name it. I heard these all the time, but saying without action, things never work! I understand that it’s hard to change the attitude towards something that we tend to do all the time, and relationship that we are in, or dates that we go on. The question is why cannot we mean it when we say that we learn from the past? Act on the change! Screwing things up over and over again does not do anything good to us. The point is we “really” learn from the mistakes that we made. We know ourselves better then others. So start learning and make our mistakes worth it. This is part of the self-growth. Be good to yourself. You don’t want to get involved with someone, and then get upset due to the failure again because of the same exact mistakes that you made in the past.

2008-06-28

I made a comitment that I will not spend more money by going shopping or cruising around the town. Today, I broke the commitment. One thing I want to point out is that sometimes we make commitment but find it hard to keep it. And when we cannot keep our commitment, we become guilty and regretful of what we have done. This is not a healthy way for happiness in life. Life is supposed to be fun without too many regrets.

Although I broke my commitment, I am thankful for other things. I went to buy clothes at Old Navy and a flip flop, and drove my car around town, but I am not regretful for breaking my commitment of saving money. Instead, I am thankful for the things I bought because they tell me that I can afford things that I like, and all those forty-hours work at the office is worth spend, for it provides me the money to afford the clothes and the gas for the car. I am not feeling guilty either because being thankful means a lot to life more than we can imagine. Being thankful triggers the negative aspects of guilt and regret.

To sum this up, there are commitments that we can break and there are commitments that we cannot break. As I always said, you do whatever makes you happy.

2008-06-27

I am often trying to stop myself from worrying too much. Whenever I start worrying about things that I have no idea what it’s going to be like, I most of the time become paranoid. Even worse than that, I can become exhausted and lose all the interests in my daily activities. To me, worry is nothing but a mind-destruction. When we become spaced out or have nothing to do, we tend to create thoughts in our mind, and they rarely are good ones. We worry about this and that, we if this and if that, we guess this and guess that, and eventually, these kinds of thinking drive us insane. The severity of the consequence can lead to an anxiety disorder.

The good news is we are the owner of our mind and we have the power to control it. We have the ability to stop our mind from worries, shift the thoughts to something else that is more pleasant. A better way than this is to find something to do. Be creative and use our time to work on something more productive than sitting around worrying over and over again. One of my favorite quotes is “The insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If it helps, instead of being worried, we can be prepared for what is going to happen, plan things out ahead of time, and search for solutions and options to our problems. Like the old saying goes “Everything is going to be okay.”

2008-06-26

You might have noticed that the first thing that most people go to the gym is for fun, health, and shape. You also might have noticed that the first thing that usually those people keep their eyes on is the other people’s bodies. Inside of our mind, we tend to compare what we look like to other people’s looks. Comparison always, I repeat, always creates envy. When it comes to envy, things do not look good at all. Especially, for low self-confident and low self-esteem people, they tend to see themselves not good enough. They see other people’s body, become envious, and even desire to have that kind of body too. But life will be tough that way when we “want” instead of “enjoy” what we have.

It is absolutely normal to feel wanting something, after all, we want good health and body, and hence we go to the gym for. But when we become obsessed with what other people have, we create a path to self-destruction. We kind of overlook the uniqueness and diversity of each individual, and more importantly than that, our only look that we have. Instead of saying “I want his or her body,” we can substitute this saying with “Now, how am I going to get that body?” When we think like that, it creates a question that sends to the thoughtful mind, and the mind will search for answers to respond us. This way instead of a closed-ended statement, it becomes an open-ended question that leads to answers, inspiration, and goal setting. The rule of thumb is, it is the only look we have, but we can enhance and improve it. I believe the effort of doing something about it than doing nothing about it. Simply wallowing yourself in envy without any actions, it’s a dangerous place you situate yourself in. Try to love yourself, I am sure if you get a hold of yourself deeper, you will find out the other good physical parts of your body that the other person does not have. Life is fair, but it depends on how you create and run it.

2008-06-25

I work with a lot of people who have family. One thing that I usually notice is that they tend to worry about working overtime because they have to pick up their kids at the daycare or spend time at home with kids. I think this type of priority should be honored. However, it gets me to think about being single and married. Every week, I go to work as soon as I am ready to go, and when I work overtime, I can stay as long as I want to without feeling guilty for not spending time with kids or anyone. Sometimes, I can even work from home without any distractions. Just like today, for instance, I did not go to the gym but I went for a walk instead and I could pick my own time, that is whenever I wanted to go and whenever I wanted to come back home for whatever dinner I would make.

Of course, being single can be lonely from times to times, but regardless you are single or married, loneliness is an emotional state that is unavoidable for human being. Even worse than single you, some married people can get more lonesome. So get a grip and face the reality of bachelorhood. Good and bad emotional feeling happen to anyone whether you are single or attached, but the thing is you should be thankful for the fact that you are single and have time to enjoy yourself, improve yourself, and more importantly than that, create yourself just the way you want your life to be.

2008-06-24

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Last night, I went to bed very early. It was about 7:30pm or so. I read a book before going to bed at about 8pm. I woke up around 2am in the morning. I was thirsty and went to get something to drink in the kitchen, and then I could not go back to sleep because my mind was wandering in the future land about my status in the US and so forth. It was bad enough that it created fear in my mind, like a nightmare that I was trying to escape from. I wanted to trigger that thought to clear it out on my mind. I grabbed the book that I was reading earlier, and just started to read. The book is called “Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids about Money--That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!” I was so into that book. The author was humorous, as well as thoughtful about life, which I found very inspiring. I am going to keep reading it till the end, and one thing that came out of reading this book was that I was able to get rid of my fearful thought, and went to bed again.

I used to hate reading because I did not like the fact that I read an English book. My mind was twisted trying to understand each sentence and phrase causing me to read very slow. I do not remember when did I start enjoy reading, but I persevered the difficulty and frustration about slow reading. As days go, I read as a hobby, and the slowness part becomes nothing. I think reading can be frustrating when you just start doing it, but the more you read the more bliss you will get. Don’t give reading up if you are a reader, and start reading if you are not a reader yet. It can be really inspiring and fun, as well as helpful for references usage, just make sure you read something that is your favorite subject.

2008-06-23

You know what I like to do when I get a “Thank You” email from my manager and any higher level folks at my work place? I collect them and put them in a separate folder called “Feedback.”

This morning, when I got up to make breakfast, shower, and got ready for work, my mind was bothered to think too far ahead about the future again. But I stopped it immediately, and told myself to enjoy the present. When I was eating my breakfast, I said I am thankful for having a nutritious breakfast this morning. When I was in the shower room, I am thankful for having water. When I was washing my face, making my hair, I am thankful for being able to afford those cosmetic products and how healthy I am, and when I was ready to go to my car, I double checked the stove to make sure it’s turned off, and the shower room to make sure the water is turned off, that time I am thankful for having two eyes to be able to see things.

In our daily life, if we just take a moment to be thankful for things around us, and stop focusing on negative things and things that we don’t have, life would be much better. When I don’t have anything to work on at work, I go to read the “Thank You” emails that I saved, and it makes me feel really good. Each word means a lot by reminding me of my capability to work as an employee.

Next time, someone says “Thank you” to you, accept it with a cheerful smile and be grateful that you are able to do someone a favor. Gratitude is a path that leads to happiness.

2008-06-22

It took me awhile this evening to decide whether or not to go out to the party with my friend. The party belongs to his company. The reason it took me awhile to say Yes, I’ll go with my friend was because it was his company’s party, and therefore, I would not know anyone there. It would create a fear for me to see his coworkers and not know what and how to react to those strange faces.

I struggled, and my mind kept telling me that why at this moment I became “chicken out” to meet new people? Isn’t that what I am always trying to say here on my blog, yet never act on it on my own? I felt “shame on me” sort of feeling. However, I pushed myself to go. I stopped the “iffing” (if this and if that) in my mind and tried not to guess this and that, for the more I guessed, the more uncomfortable I got myself in going to that party. I told myself that “Just do it!”

How many times in life that we want to be happy, we want to meet new people, such and such. But how many times that we really believe and have faith that we really want to do it? Just by thinking sounds promising to our mind, but without action is like a well done theory but no good practice. I want to meet new people, yet here I am worried about what those new people are going to look and think about me, and how I am going to behave when I get there. Mind reading is doomed to fail.

The party actually was not an indoor party. It’s more like a festival, an event that many people showed up with family, friends, and kids all over the place. I laughed at myself for being foolish to try to be smart guessing the future. It’s the lesson that I learned from today, what about you?

2008-06-21

I got up from my nap and I looked at myself in the mirror. Suddenly, I sat down on the floor staring at myself in the mirror. My two eyes finally get to see each other. I looked deeply into my two eyes and I noticed how dark they are. I then started to play around with a few facial expressions. By doing that, it made me realize that I was wrong all the time about the fact that I never felt good enough about how I look. Reflected from the mirror, I saw two dark eyes that belong to me, a big nose that I often complained about, two ears that I think they are alright, mouth and lip that I am not satisfied with, my teeth that is not white enough, two cheeks that get fat easily when I gain weight, and my face that I hate when it gets pimples. I realized that I complained too much about them.

A thought came across my mind when I was paying attention to my appearance and expression – It’s the only look. Yes, I told myself, but it’s the only look I have. I complained about my face and physical body, but I neglected the fact that it’s the only look that I have.

The point is how many times we look at ourselves when we get ready for being out in town and don’t like what we are wearing. We believe that no matter what we wear or any make up we put on, we still don’t look pretty or handsome enough because we don’t have the look that go with those clothes and those cosmetic products. I am telling you now, it’s all illusion. When it comes to illusion, we already choose to deny the “self” and beat ourselves up for not meeting the expectations of our own image in the illusion that we create. However, good news is that we can break that illusion. Remember, it’s the only look we have. It is how and what we can do about this created and only life we have, and it’s our choice of how we react to it.

Therefore, next time you look at yourself in the mirror, try to look into your eyes deeply. Tell yourself that it’s the only look that I have, if I reject who I really am, then what’s left of me? I love and accept who I am, and I never stop trying to improve myself every day. When I say improve, I mean like in a scenario that you feel fat, you change your diet, conduct health related research, or even hit the fitness center. When you feel ugly because of acne or wrinkles, try out some skin products, they are all over the market nowadays, but be careful though not all those products work on everyone’s skin. You just have to find a product that does not irritate your skin and provide the result that you want. So do something about it. The key to remember though is that “It’s the only look I have.” It’s a psychological technique that when you negative talk to yourself about your appearance, talk back promptly that “But it’s the only look that I have.”

2008-06-20

Do you know why I am 22 years old but still like to watch Disney’s movies and shows? Besides from making me laugh during the movies and shows, Disney always reminds kids and teenagers to express themselves, to follow their dreams, to be themselves, to have fun, to be happy, and to go after their passions. How many times I have thought about my teenage year that I distressed myself, suffered from low self-esteem, and not to mention, some other teenagers out there that are trying to fit in with their peers. Although I often time did not buy peer pressure, no one ever told me to follow my heart, and to be just myself.

Of course, some Disney’s movies can be too good to be true. The magic and the fantasy are all illusions. But that’s not the point. The point is miracle can happen anytime that we cannot expect or foresee, and dreams that we never give up but pursue them. The gist of it is to follow your dreams, live your life, and make the best of what you have. We all only get one chance in life. So, live your life to the fullest! Remind yourself that you rock. Who cares what other people think. Who cares what other people think I am old enough to get married yet still a fan of Disney. One of my favorite quotes is “Say what you think and act how you feel because those who matter don’t care and those who care don’t matter.”

P.S: The photos were taken at Disney’s Epcot Center in Florida on 01/02/08.

Today at work I learn one thing about being mad at somebody. You know some people just do not get it. Some people are just so insensitive to really know how you exactly feel. I mean although you are upset and not verbalize your feeling to that person, yet he or she does not get it at all by asking you to do something that he or she knows you are not a fan of doing it. Don’t get me wrong, communication is very important and mind reading is always wrong. If you want someone to know how you exactly feel, then speak it up. But in the meantime, the requester should at least have some sort of human intuition to feel about how someone feels about doing something that is his or her least favorite. Some people just don’t get it. Some people just think that you are easy to be taken for granted, they just ask without knowing what you exactly feel.

OK, enough about my complaint. The reality is we tend to get mad at something, and what we really get back is resentment. As the saying goes “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other guy to die.” We should step back and think about the consequences of being angry with someone. Does it do any good to us? The person that makes you mad probably does not really know how you feel. That person could be insensitive creature, but that’s the way who he or she is. What matters though is yourself. For any reasons, the first person that you don’t want to hurt is yourself. We think that by being mad at someone is a way to revenge the person, but in fact, we are still the victim.

I am learning each time at work to adjust my mood. One of my co-workers just does not really know how I really feel. For a few times, I was really not pleased with her action. I became cranky, upset, angry, and even gave her the look, yet I was the one who was still in agony and resentment. So think about it! Does anger really do any good to you? I found my answer. What about you?

2008-06-19

Lately, I am so crazy busy at work. I cannot blog like I used to do when I am at work, hehe…. I even ended up working overtime last week and this week, and I am on salary. But I do not complain about it because I prefer to stay late at work to get things done. I don’t like procrastinating. I’d rather do something to make some progression than nothing.

I usually go to the gym after work. When I worked overtime last week and this week, every time when I got off work, I was totally exhausted. I debated a lot whether or not to go to the gym afterwards. Sometime I just drove straight home, and sometime I pushed myself to go to the gym.

No matter how tired you are, working out is a way to release physical tension and stress. You may say but I am exhausted enough to do more physical work. That’s true, and that is what usually stops me from going to the gym. Trust me, my dilemma about going to home or gym was not very easy to handle. But the thing is it is okay sometime to forego some activities in order to spend a quality time alone and relax at home, just make sure you don’t make it become permanent. If some activities that make you feel good about yourself and provide you potential benefits both physically and emotionally, no matter how tired you are, make some time for them, and push yourself to do them. Don’t think too much, just do it. You will feel much better after doing it. I am not talking about guilt here. The gist of it is anything that makes you happy and makes you feel good about yourself, just push yourself to do it. Don’t let any lazy thoughts prevent you from doing that, and especially don’t let anyone’s opinions define who you really are and what you really want to do. All I have to say is “You just gotta do it, man.”

2008-06-18

Do you like your job? Some people do and some people don’t. Some people prefer to work with a job that they like to do, but some people would rather stick with a decent job that is offered. Honestly, I am one of those who do not like their job but stick with it anyway. The main reason for me is because of my status in the US, but I don’t think I am going to elaborate on this in this subject.

However, I think that working with a job that you like is very important. You want to enjoy what you are doing. On the other hand, having a job is better than not having one. You can think of a situation when you were desperately looking for a job. Now that you have a job, think about other people who are looking for a job just like when you were doing. I am not here to say that you should just work for any jobs even though you don’t like to do. If you have one that you like, that’s great. If not, bless the job anyway. Having a job reminds you of your capability to do things that you can although it’s not your favorite one, or something that you have thought you could not do. Having a job also creates more opportunities for you in the future with experiences, practices, communications, and other perspective benefits. To me, although I am not really into my job much, still I am trying to live each day and go to work each day and try the best I can to succeed with my career. I am really thankful for having this job actually because it allows me to be able to afford the bills, to support myself, to pay for food and drinks, to buy stuff that I want, and to be able to stay longer in the United States. Although my ideal life would be a simple life, being rich or not does not really bother me much. But I have to live somehow and satisfy my wants and needs. That’s what makes me happy.

It is all about happiness. No matter what career you pursue, and whether you like it or not, just make sure you are happy with it. Lesser complains, think positive about your job, and bless it about the things that it can provide you emotionally and physically. Gratitude never goes wrong with happiness, and so does positivity. Remember that when we think negative about one thing, our mind tends to gather negative things about that thing causing us to really hate it more. Be happy!

2008-06-17

Reading my favorite blogs is my daily activity to do either during my work hours that I don’t have things to do or after work and gym that I just lay on my couch. Each time, I have to say that I am inspired by those blogging people’s writing, and it prompts me to write something on my own blog. It also provokes my mind to respond to the subject that they are talking about and apply it to my personal life experience.

One of the comments said “Friends are people who care about you, worry about you and are there when you need them and you are there when they need you.” This comment was like hitting me in the face. I was born in a family of four sisters and me the only one boy and the youngest one. Part of me growing up, I did many things alone. I had friends but never became close with them. I would say they are good friends that I can talk to but just not close enough to share every detail about my personal life. It is not that I have a trust issue, but I tend to learn how to keep things to myself and draw a distance line between myself and others. Being in the United States alone, I have become even more independent than I would have imagined and done. I feel that as time goes by, I am allowing people to walk away from my life. There are those friends who care about me, worry about me and there for me when I need them, but why I keep pushing myself away from them? Is it an issue of losing common interests? Or something else?

I always want to help other people, and I want to be there when they need me, especially friends and family. I feel good when I am needed, but I don’t want to make this sound rigid that I have to do that because in life there are still a few exceptions. There are times that I want to be alone, and there are also times that I prefer to be alone.

However, I want to open myself more to friends. I also want to create more opportunities to make new friends. The beginning step of that is to be friendlier and more open-minded. You won’t realize how much a friend means to you when you do or see something that reminds you of that friend, and what you have done. Remember though that friendship is just like a relationship that involves giving and taking. If you only take, then the friendship is doomed to fail sooner or later. I say this heartfelt.

Have you ever thought of the relationship between you and any of your good friends, and maybe a best friend? Have you ever struggled in pursuing one another’s interest? Two people share common interests and become friends. It would be rare to see opposite attractions for friendship.

There are a lot of mind readings, misunderstanding, and miscommunication between people. It happens to any kind of relationship and not just friendship alone. You sometime remember the time you and your friend first met. Sometimes, you wonder how many years that you have known your friend. Friendship is just like any other kind of relationships. You fight and disagree on things, but then you make up and compromise with one another. There’s always time that one gets on the other one’s nerve, and there’s also time that one can inevitably hurt the other one.

Some friends tend to grow closer, but some tend to create distance in between. When two friends become distant from one another, each one will feel somehow disappointed. You have known this person for few years, and suddenly you lose that person, I really don’t think it’s like nothing ever happened. You can always either work things out or not. It is either you or your friend makes the first move to retie the connection and rebuild the friendship again. Now you may ask what if I make the move, yet s/he’s not answering my text messages, phone calls, emails whatsoever? Remember, your friend’s reaction has nothing to do with you. You have done your part; the rest is up to your friend. It is your choice to make the first move, and it’s your friend’s choice to react to that move. Nothing is personal. It is nice sometime to give each other’s time and space to think. If the friendship is meant to be over, you really cannot help it. After all, friendship is a type of relationship, and when it comes to a relationship, it involves two people’s work.

2008-06-15

When I was trying to list my good qualities, I realize that listing good qualities is not as easy as listing bad qualities. But somehow, I managed my mind to just focus on my good qualities, and had them substitute the bad qualities quickly when they tried to come across my mind. I plan to keep this list, and will add more when I find out about my other good qualities.

Another thing that I realize from doing this is that, I tried to stay positive all the time while writing the list. I did not even use any negative words like no, not, never, don’t, and so on. I observe that by using negative words can have us think about negative things. For example, if you say I hate doing dishes, your mind will gather all the bad things about why you hate doing dishes. If you say I don’t like doing dishes, again your mind will stuff with the bad reasons why you don’t like doing dishes. However, if you say you like doing dishes, your mind will think about all the good things about doing dishes. You see the point here? Negative words are just words but strong enough to have a power that can impact our mind and actions. Sometimes, I even wonder if the majority of people do mean it when they say they don’t like this and they don’t like that.

In order to show how much you like and love yourself, start from staying positive while thinking about yourself or looking at yourself in the mirror. Try to use positive descriptive words when you think about what you like and don’t like to do, especially when you talk to yourself. Being positive about yourself is the only key to love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, your mind will gather all the negative things about you. Making a list about your good qualities is a fun way to start with for loving yourself. Give it a try and see if you can have a longer list than I do. :)

When I am on the bicycle at the gym, I usually like to read something. I saw an article in a magazine. The article was about “Outfit Feeling.” The author mentioned about how some people feel about getting dressed before heading out to work or wherever.

In our society, there’s a typical stereotype about men and fashion. If you are a man, enjoy fashion and spend too much time in front of the mirror, then you sound like a woman. Nowadays, people tend to break this kind of stereotype. Look at the clothing industry like Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle, Aeropostale and other industries that carry guys' clothes in a fashion way. I personally don’t support any types of stereotype against human nature. If that’s what you like and comfortable with it, go for it because it absolutely is none of anyone’s business.

The author of that article also discussed about how he felt when he looked at himself in the mirror with the way he dressed. He felt confident when he looked great and vice versa. Some fashion designers though believed that it’s not whatsoever the way we dress good or not that makes us feel good about ourselves, but it’s about how you really feel and what state of mind you are in at the time you are dressing up. If you are in the happy state of mind, then no matter what you put on, you will feel great about yourself.

Reading this article and observing these two points of view, it got me to think about my personal experience and how people perceive their own self-image. When I want to go out, I like to spike my hair up a little bit and wear clothes that make me satisfied from the image that I see myself in the mirror. I really feel confident when I like what I see. I am not hesitant to walk in a crowd and worry about how I look because I already know that I look great, and when people give me the eyes, then that confirms it. I also agree with the second opinion about the state of mind. When I am happy, it really doesn’t matter much whatever I am wearing.

To sum this up, I believe that deep inside of our heart, the innermost of happiness is the most important factor and can reflect the way we see ourselves and things around us. Either it is “Outfit Feeling” or it is our state of mind, as long as you feel good about yourself and it makes you happy, then that’s all it matters.

2008-06-14

I was writing an entry for my blog about being able to say NO out loud. But now I am going to talk about my personal experience regarding taking “No” for an answer.

I wanted to go out and texted one of my good friends first to see if he wanted to go out. I did not hear back, but I texted him again, and he responded “Probably not.” The thing is after I sent out my text message asking for something, if I got an answer back on my cell phone from the person that I asked for, I would be nervous to read the response message. That’s because I am afraid he would say No.

Afterwards, I started to text other two or three friends that I didn’t want to ask for in the first place, and turned out either they could not go out or they are out of town. I felt alright compared to the first one because those are just my second choice not the first choice. It simply just made me feel all alone in Boise with no friends to go out with.

It got me to think though that it’s hard for me to take a NO for an answer. I understand that things in life never work the way we want them to be all the time, and so are the requests. I felt that why would I be disappointed because of the fact that my friend did not want to go out? Why would it be necessary to be nervous reading a response text message? It is because I foresaw a “No” or similar rejected answers, and I don’t like to hear them as an answer to me.

I have been thinking about this, and I feel that I should not feel this way. I should not take offense of a “No” answer. I should not feel resentful about rejections either because in life there’s going to be rejections wherever I go. So I am going to let it go, chill out, and move on with my life, and hopefully down the road get to know other friends who share the same interests. I strongly believe that I can do it, and so can you. Dare to say No and dare to hear it back!

2008-06-13

I find it hard sometime to say NO to a request or an invitation. Part of the reasons is that I don’t want to disappoint other people. But being a nice guy always is not a good solution in a long run. There are times that I just don’t want to do things that friends or coworkers ask me to do. As a matter of fact, I really don’t like being told what to do.

The person who cannot say no refers to nice person, but it also indicates that we love to help other people out. However, each individual’s time and ability is limited. Priorities, goals, plans vary from one person to another person. Some know how to say “when” when they think it’s enough, but some just don’t. Remember though saying no is not a bad thing. Some people prefer to hear no as an answer so that they can deal with it and move on. By just dragging things around and not dare to give a NO answer, it doesn’t do any favors to both parties.

I have a hard time saying no all the time. Instead of saying no, I explain instead. For example, “Do you want to go shopping with us?” asked by a friend. I responded “I want to stay in and relax at home.” Explanation is nice by saving another question from my friend “why.” Although my explanation already makes it clear that I don’t want to, still it’s not how an answer goes. The question is “do you?” so the answer is supposed to be either yes or no. “NO” is just one short word, but some people having a difficult time saying it out loud. We tend to be afraid of hurting other people’s feeling, but what about our own feeling. Do we want to do it? Do I want to do it?

Remember, whatever you do make sure you are happy first. Saying no just means no, and if your friends, family, coworkers, or whoever are mature enough, they will understand. But some people are really hard to take a “no” for an answer. They get offended by thinking about some other things that for instance, he doesn’t want to help me, he doesn’t want to hang out with me, he doesn’t like me, he thinks I am boring, etc. But those are false statements and whoever thinks like that, apparently he/she suffers from low self-esteem issue, and it completely has nothing to do with you.

You don’t want to sound like a push over person and allow others to take you for granted. Personally, I think NO is a healthy word. It is better than excuses and lies. We say we don’t like liars, but why cannot we take a “no” as an answer? The person is just trying to be honest. I sometimes have a hard time getting a “no” response too, but I have to remind myself about the golden rule each time, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” What goes around comes around. It’s unavoidable about life. So, dare to say firmly “no” but in the meantime dare to hear “no” too.

Also, I sometime have a very hard time to decide. When I am totally in doubt, I don’t know what to do. My answer becomes a lengthy explanation and avoids responding to the question. I asked for time, but hoping the other person will figure it out and leave me alone. Making up my mind is not an easy task for me. I find dilemma in my life all the time because I am a thinker, but it’s advised that when in doubt, it’s good to say no now than change your mind to yes later. Our instinct doesn’t work all the time, but the time that it does work is sure more than the time that it doesn’t. You know this better than I do.

So, it’s time to speak up for yourself, let’s start with a simply two alphabets N-O

2008-06-12

One of my favorite quotes is “Don't take life too seriously because nobody gets out of it alive.” Isn’t that true that some people take things very serious? Some people get offended very easy? Some people are not willing to compromise? Some people just want to be leaders all the time? Some people only want to win? And so on.

I feel guilty about taking things serious sometime too, and even take offense quickly. I consider myself a very sensitive guy. Anything that does not please me can make my temper and mood change pretty fast. But does it really matter? Do I get something out of being serious like this about what people say to me or do to me, and whatever situation in life that I get myself into? The answer is NO.

Being serious to an extent is considered appropriate, but when being too serious, then it’s not appropriate. For example, playing a board game with friends and some people take that kind of game is like death or life game. It’s understandable that they don’t want to lose but win, but why? Isn’t that playing game supposed to be having a great time with friends? Whoever wins, does it really matter that much? It’s just a game. What matters the most is the process. The process that you are part of the game, how good and bad you play that game, and how much fun you enjoy playing that game with your friends.

I am learning to not take life too serious, but enjoy its process instead. Another one of my favorite quotes is “Life is not about finding yourself, but it’s about creating yourself.” That’s how life is supposed to be. We are all part of our lives, and thus, our lives are what we make them. When we take our lives too serious, we forget the fun parts during the process of our lives because all we focus on will be just the end result. But remember, “Nobody gets out of it alive.” I hope that is not the result you want.

2008-06-11

Sometimes at my work place, I can get really and crazily busy. I think part of the reasons is that the deliverables deadline is usually so close. But I would not mind at all for being busy once in awhile, for I usually don’t have many things to work on.

Today I would like to share with you about one mistake that I usually do. I see it’s coming all the time, but I never learn. Have you ever tried to solve a math problem? Or answer questions on an examination? Most people are trying so hard to answer the difficult questions first before they get to the easy ones. They think this way can buy them some time, but in fact, if they are so into what they are doing and get stuck, yet they don’t want to drop what they are doing, time can fly very quickly. At the end, they may or may not even finish the easy questions. It happens to me all the time when I was trying to work on something at work. Being a programmer, each time I code up something, I usually jump into the hard parts first. Some work that I think it might take only a little of my time, I leave it behind. But when I am really stuck with the complicated coding logic, it’s going to be a pain in a rear of time consuming. Worse than that, my easy tasks still get left behind. Then when I change my mind to put the difficult ones on hold, and go back to work on the easy ones, guess what, sometimes those easy ones can turn out to be more difficult than what I expect, or sometimes I feel rush and the result does not turn out very well. Also, I realize that once we put all our energy into solving a difficult question that yet still not get solved, our mind becomes exhausted to even continue solving the easy question.

Under estimating is not a wise thing to do. If two tasks are the same important, work on the ones that you think are easy (maybe?) first. On the other hand, if one task is more critical than the other, then work on the critical one first regardless it is difficult or not.

This is my experience and mistake that I often time make, and from now on, I want to stop making the same mistake about this again. What about you?

2008-06-10

I have been blogging for quite some time now. I have had many blogs in the past few years written in both Chinese and English. What I have learned from blogging is being able to gather my thoughts on one particular event, look back and analyze it, learn from there. It’s a great way to discover myself on each day by focusing on mistakes that I made and lessons that I learned. It also makes me pay more attention to the way I see myself as an individual, and the way that I behave in some circumstances. Moreover, blogging provides me an opportunity to verbalize my real feeling. It does feel very great to say something that has been stuck in my mind all day. I like to write something for my blog before I go to bed. When I finish the writing, my mind is completely relaxing like releasing thoughts that get too stuffy in my head. Therefore, it makes me sleep really well until morning.

Furthermore, blogging is not all about writing stuff. Have you ever owned MySpace or Facebook? Those socializing and networking sites allow you to express yourself. They offer many tools for you to design the page that you want your page to look like. You can put on your favorite music, video, pictures, and so forth to share with your friends and the rest of the world. It’s a great way for self-expression. Believe it or not, from the “stuff” that you put on your webpage and the way you design your own webpage, people are able to get to know you a little bit more. I enjoy a lot designing my blog, and it gives me great feeling when my blog’s page looks just like the way I want it to look like. It reflects my personality and shows my creativity to the world. Also, photos, music, video, words, etc. that I put on my blog indeed tells my favorites.

There are many ways to vend your feeling and there are many ways you can express yourself to others, but if you are ever interested in blogging, do not hesitate to give it a try. From my own personal experience, blogging is a very healthy way to get in touch with your own mind, what you like and dislikes, and sometimes even the silly and crazy part of you. You write about your favorite subjects. You write what you want to write. It’s just like a traditional journal book, except technology allows you to write using computer’s keyboard, cell phone’s keypads, and other technological means. On top of that, you never run out of papers, and you can design the look of your online journal “Weblog” that reflects your “me.”

Today at my work place, I met two people that are from Cambodia. They are window washers for my company, and I think they don’t work here permanently but just come by when they are hired. I have been living in Boise for about 4 years, yet I have not met many Cambodians in town. Boise is a small city, but not small enough to see people that are from my country walking around. Until now, I have seen only four Cambodians. I can’t describe how much I was surprised every time I see Khmer people (Cambodians). I was excited to speak my own Khmer language :).

In life, there are many things that we really don’t know what’s going to happen. There are also many people that we really don’t know when and where we’re going to meet. Who would really know how to solve the mystery of life and the trick of fate? But one thing I know is that surprises are everywhere. Meeting new people is always fun and exciting. Some people that we meet can turn out as friends, and some don’t, but that’s okay. The key is we are out there meeting new people and we have a good time, that’s all it matters. Who knows who the fate is going to bring to us to meet? Who knows who the fate is going to take him/her from us? So open yourself, and welcome new comers that come unexpectedly in your life, and enjoy exploring the mystery of life :).

2008-06-09

I am lying on my bed and thinking about what I asked a friend that “Am I not really being myself?” His answer was “No, really not at all.”

I believe that it is our choice to choose to not being ourselves. There are many possible reasons such as low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and fear that prevent us from moving forward as who we really are. Society has defined the term “norm,” and religion has defined the term “Godly.” All of these just put a lot of pressures on each individual that doesn’t live according to those defined standards. I, myself, don’t feel any easy about being just myself, and I believe that I choose to fear and allow other people to control the real me. All those social norm bullshits have trained me very well.

However, don’t be like me. Please don’t be like me. You have a stronger power that I might not have, a stronger courage that I might not have, and a stronger belief in yourself that I might not have. Moreover, you might have a larger group of support than I do. All of these will allow you to grow as an individual that lives up to his/her own means, and does not take any judgments personal. You are you, period.

I never cease to learning and being tenacious to show who I really am. I am here calling all of those people who feel the same way that I am feeling to keep learning and practicing until we can really be who we really are and who we really want to be. I have accomplished 80%, now all I have to do is to attain another 20%. Sincerely, I wish you the best in this authentic self-discovery journey.

In our daily lives, we hear a lot of “How are you?” question, but we are not aware of how many people really mean to ask it. It could be a start of a conversation. People most often time reply “I’m fine,” and ask back.

“I am fine” is a very basic and typical answer. Why do we limit to just that answer anyway? Today, I got asked by a stranger how I am doing, and I said I am great. It got me to think that after answering like that, I really feel great. To me, I feel that “I am fine” is getting old, and thus, whether I say it or not does not really matter much. Sometimes, I even wonder if I am really doing fine after I answer the question.

We can always elaborate more about how we are doing. Say what you want to say. If you are not feeling fine, then say it. It will not sound like a complaint. In fact, this will get conversation going on, and they will ask why, and you will say because blah blah and so on. To people who just go by pass you though, you would rather save that “I’m not fine,” because you guys don’t have time to stop and talk more like friends. But you will never know. Again, say what you want to say.

But the point is changing the way you respond to typical daily questions can have an impact on yourself. You start to pay attention to what the question is really about, and it gets you to notice about how you are really doing or what you are really thinking about. Mean it when you say it - Really, I'm fine.

Let’s face it, we are all human beings. Since birth till death, there are always times that we feel happy and sad. We cannot get rid of both good and bad emotional feeling. A school counselor used to say during an International Student’s orientation that, we all get bored, but boring is part of our lives. If life is happy all the time, then the life seems to be meaningless. I never forget her saying this, and in fact, I remind myself each time when I get bored. If I complain, then I fail to really understand her point.

Night is very quiet. It is also when we decide not to go out and spend time alone at home, or maybe don’t have any invitations to go. It’s good if you can find something to do, but if not, then serenity can possibly draw boredom close to you. Sometimes, boredom leads to loneliness.

To get rid of boredom is to find something to do. It sounds easy enough, but said is easier than done always. But that doesn’t mean finding something to do is not the right solution to getting bored. There are many techniques and solutions out there that vary from one person to another. For me, I like to keep things inside, or at least when I am not in a good mood, I prefer to stay alone and deal with it instead of going to hang out with friends and become all moody. The way I solved my boredom is to get out of my apartment and take a little cruise around town. When my boredom leads to loneliness, I still have to deal with it, and I keep telling myself that it’s just a temporary state of mind, the next morning I will still survive and feel much better. Thus, having something to look for tomorrow lessens my lonesome feeling at night.

Therefore, just remember that part of human being, those bad emotional feeling that we don’t want never end. Luckily they are just temporary state of mind, so are good emotional feeling. So remind yourself that they are just short-term and will go away when you stay positive to look for something that is going to happen next, you never know, you know.

2008-06-08

Staying positive is not an easy task, but what matters the most is that I never stop trying. Accomplishing any goals that have become one’s habit is never easy. I keep telling myself that if I give it up now, later on I will want to come back to it, and then I have to start over again. It’s like going to the gym. In the past, it was on and off when it comes to me working out. Just about a year ago, I started to join the gym again and had to start over again. I could tell by feeling my sore muscles. There are times that I become lazy and want to quit working out "again", but I remind myself what has happened in the past, and I definitely don’t want to start from scratch again. After all, time is money.

Part of never give up involves practice too. From self-learning piano I can tell that practice really helps a lot. The saying goes practice makes perfect, and it indeed does. I think giving up things that you are forced to do or have no interest in doing them at all in the first place is OK, but giving up things that you enjoy or try to attain is never OK, and it can result in regret and a waste of time, and not to mention energy, money and possibly more.