Ten years ago, Ray Boltz was a Christian singer who packed large churches across the country. He and his wife, Carol, lived a comfortable life outside Muncie. They were secure in their conservative Christian faith that viewed homosexuality as a sin.

Then Boltz, who had grappled privately with depression, told his wife of three decades and their four grown children something startling.

He is — and always has been — gay.

In many ways, what came next for the Boltz family reflects the ongoing evolution of attitudes toward gay rights and same-sex marriage in Indiana over the past decade.

As the state nears the final rounds of consideration for a proposed constitutional ban on gay marriage — an amendment that has seen decreasing support in the polls — the Boltzes now are among many Christians who have come to accept same-sex relationships.

Ray Boltz rejects the view of some evangelicals, who cite individual Bible verses as condemning homosexuality, as too literal and too selective. He and many mainline Christians focus instead on Jesus' broader exhortation to "love your neighbor as yourself," a theme he sees as unifying.

For them and other opponents of the constitutional ban, the fight against it means creating a chance to provide equal rights to all couples, allowing employers to provide benefits to gay partners and making sure Indiana is a welcoming place for all.

"It just seems that that was what Jesus did: He reached out to people who were judged, and he didn't judge them," Boltz said. "That's the way I want to live my life."

Overcoming religious doubts was not easy for the Boltz family. There was lots of soul-searching. Ray Boltz lost many of his Christian fans. And Carol Boltz said she faced judgmental glances in her hometown.

Ray and Carol divorced, eventually negotiating new terrain as best friends. Their children, now raising children of their own, say they ultimately grew closer to their father.

And Ray Boltz, seeking a fresh start, moved to Florida to live what he calls his newly "authentic life," finding a male partner who's now part of the family.

"I think a lot of people, with this issue, will never change their minds until it affects someone close to them, someone that they trust," said daughter Liz Boltz Ranfeld, now 31.

"I wish that wasn't the case. I wish people came to it naturally."

Before coming out as gay, Christian singer Ray Boltz was probably best known for his song "Thank You," which won the Gospel Music Association's Dove award for song of the year in 1990. Here's a YouTube video of him singing that song:

After revealing publicly in 2008 that he is gay, Boltz released the spiritual album "True," which includes the song "Don't Tell Me Who to Love," an anthem for marriage equality. Here's a YouTube video of him singing that song:

Growing coalition

Opponents are pinning their hopes of defeating House Joint Resolution 3 on the increasing public acceptance of same-sex relationships.

Even if the legislature approves the amendment and sends it to voters in November, they hope public opinion continues to move so swiftly that the measure is doomed at the ballot box.

A growing coalition of forces against the proposal also is giving them encouragement.

Freedom Indiana, a bipartisan coalition formed in August, has drawn a steady drumbeat of support from major employers such as Eli Lilly, Cummins and Emmis Communications; colleges and universities from Indiana University to tiny Hanover College; faith groups and mainline churches; and business organizations including the Indy Chamber.

What unites opponents is a belief that the amendment debate already is sending an unwelcoming message that hurts Indiana's ability to recruit workers and build a vibrant economy.

And they say that message is being spread far and wide. As the only state considering a constitutional ban this year, Indiana has put itself under the glare of a national spotlight as ground zero for the debate over gay rights

Opponents also see more tangible risks if the amendment passes.

Its far-reaching language likely would prohibit recognition of civil unions and other similar arrangements. Courts also could strike down domestic partner benefits offered by public and even some private employers, opponents fear.

The Rev. Howard Boles, senior pastor at Downtown's Roberts Park United Methodist Church, is among 300 or so faith leaders to publicly oppose the amendment. He supports recognition of same-sex marriages, though church doctrine still bars him from performing them.

"That's been a piece of my theology and my understanding for a very long time," Boles said. In signing a clergy petition against the amendment, "I wanted to take a clear stance to say I believe that all of us are children of God, and love is love no matter how it is manifest."

These days, the Boltzes have similar views.

Carol Boltz, 61, said she probably would have supported Indiana's proposed amendment a decade ago. Now, though, she believes that "we should provide for people to have family and to be legally protected."

"Things are changing because people are standing up and living authentic lives," said Ray Boltz, 60, who now lives in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., with his partner Franco Sperduti, whom he met a few years ago through a softball league. "It's not changing because people are protesting."

Wanting to feel at home

For many Hoosier couples, there is much at stake, despite assurances from lawmakers that they don't intend any wide-ranging effects on protections or employer benefits.

Broadly, opponents fear the amendment's passage now would stall progress for gay couples in Indiana while other states speed ahead and begin reconsidering their marriage bans.

Kim Allman, 52, and Leisa Waggoner, 54, want their recent marriage in Connecticut, after 24 years together, to matter at home. The Indianapolis couple exchanged vows in a legal ceremony a few days after Christmas with their two teenagers and other family on hand.

Short of the hope for full recognition one day, they want to preserve Waggoner's adoptive parent rights for Chris, 17, and Sara, 15. And they hope that the state eventually will recognize Waggoner as a domestic partner on the insurance policy it provides to Allman, a state human resources employee.

"We have literally suffered financially because we have had to carry family insurance and individual insurance to have any insurance coverage for Leisa," Allman said.

Ray Pfeil, 53, and Jim Luther, 56, a Carmel couple for 18 years who plan to marry in May in Minneapolis, also want their marriage to carry weight in Indiana.

After a U.S. Supreme Court ruling last year, both couples will get federal recognition for tax and other purposes.

But that's not enough, say Pfeil and Luther, who, like Allman and Waggoner, keep a patchwork of legal documents close at hand in case they need them to prove hospital visitation rights or in other emergencies.

For one thing, Pfeil and Luther aren't looking at the issue only as a couple.

Luther owns Luther Consulting, a software and information technology contractor that collects HIV prevention and hepatitis data for the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and also has state government contracts. He employs 27 people, including Pfeil.

"The issue, for me, is trying to recruit staff — especially IT staff," Luther said. "Right now, the IT market is extremely tight. We cannot find enough programming staff. Unfortunately, people look at (the proposed amendment) and it becomes an issue, in terms of 'Do I really want to move to Indiana?' "

Bloomington couple Abby Henkel, 27, and Sarah Perfetti, 29, aren't as worried that Indiana won't recognize their upcoming August nuptials, which will take place in the backyard of Perfetti's parents' home in Lowell, with Henkel's Indianapolis-based family also attending. They figure the tide will bring legal same-sex marriage to Indiana sooner or later.

But the lingering exclusion still stings. They and their families plan drive to Chicago for a legal courthouse ceremony beforehand.

"It would be ideal," Perfetti said, to have a fully legal ceremony in Indiana. "We met in Bloomington, we bought our first house in Bloomington, we're the directors of Bloomington Pride. It would be perfect to get married here."

The couple met while both were attending graduate school at IU. They worry that the amendment could endanger the domestic partner health benefits that Perfetti, an education policy researcher at IU, gets for Henkel.

Backers of the amendment recently introduced a companion measure that asserts legislators' intent that the amendment won't affect any existing protections or benefits.

Freedom Indiana, though, is among skeptics that say the legislative statement could carry little weight in court if anyone files a legal challenge.

Evolving faith

The Boltzes, like some opponents, have a new optimism that victory over the amendment is possible in Indiana.

They point to their own progression. When Ray came out, the family long had followed a fundamentalist Christian faith tradition.

"Basically, I believed that the only option for me was to declare that being gay was a sin and to reject it," Ray Boltz said.

For years, he struggled without telling his family. He sought counseling. He read books about overcoming homosexuality. He prayed.

But it wasn't working. And in late 2004, his family pressed him to spill whatever was troubling him. Now, he says he's found peace.

For Carol Boltz, her husband's revelation upended her life, her status in the community and her faith. She struggled, at first.

But she, too, has adapted, after a spiritual journey that she credits with broadening her perspective and leading to new understanding and friendships. She still lives in the family home in the country near Albany, Ind., but attends a different church that she considers more open minded.

"The crux of the problem is that I had been told that people chose to be gay," Carol Boltz said. "And I knew Ray was telling me, 'I never chose this. I knew it from when I was a little child.' "

Throughout, she stayed close to Ray. After he came out publicly in a 2008 interview with the Washington Blade, a gay newspaper in Washington, D.C., she read emails he received from fans that were filled with spiritual condemnation, even vitriol.

But in some messages, the senders thanked Ray Boltz for serving as a role model, an inspiration.

Musically, he hasn't looked back. In 2010, Boltz recorded a new album called "True," that reflects his evolving faith and more open life. While his earlier popular songs had titles including "The Anchor Holds" and "Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb," a key new track declares: "Don't Tell Me Who to Love."

Carol and Ray Boltz now have seven grandchildren. Ray is a doting grandfather, his ex-wife said, and the family often gathers for meals at a local Pizza King restaurant when Ray and Franco visit.

"Ray and I have our history, and we have our kids, and I still say he's the best friend I ever had," Carol Boltz said. "We're still a family, in a very different way."

And, like her ex-husband, she fears Indiana will send a hurtful message to other non-traditional families by passing the amendment.

What House Joint Resolution 3 says: "Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in Indiana. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized."

What it changes: It would elevate Indiana's current law banning same-sex marriage to the Indiana Constitution and likely would prohibit the state from recognizing civil unions or other similar arrangements.

Where it stands: Legislators passed the amendment in 2011 on a 70-26 vote in the House and a 40-10 vote in the Senate. Now a required second round of legislative review is under way. HJR3 was introduced in the House this year and awaits a vote in the Judiciary Committee as soon as the coming week.

What's next: If both chambers pass the amendment with the same wording this year, it will go to Indiana voters in November.

In recent years, same-sex marriage has been a contentious subject within many religious groups in the U.S. Here is an overview of where 16 religious groups stand on this issue, as reported by the Pew Research Center in December 2012 and updated with information provided by the Associated Press.

American Baptist Churches USA

In 2005, the governing body of the American Baptist Churches USA affirmed that "God's design for sexual intimacy places it within the context of marriage between one man and one woman" and that "homosexuality is incompatible with Biblical teaching." In 2006, the church's Pacific Southwest regional board (which includes churches in California, Hawaii, Nevada and Arizona) split from the denomination because the denomination's national leadership declined to penalize congregations that welcomed openly gay members.

Buddhism

There is no universal Buddhist position on same-sex marriage. According to some interpretations of the Buddha's teachings, one of the 10 non-virtuous deeds that lead to suffering is "sexual misconduct." This term is generally understood to refer primarily to adultery. However, some Buddhists interpret the term to include homosexuality.

Catholicism

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops opposes same-sex marriage on the ground that "marriage is a faithful, exclusive and lifelong union between one man and one woman." In 2003, the conference stated that "what are called 'homosexual unions' [cannot be given the status of marriage] because they do not express full human complementarity and because they are inherently nonprocreative." In 2006, the conference reaffirmed its previously stated support for a federal marriage amendment (a constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union of a man and a woman). And in 2009, the conference issued a pastoral letter on marriage that once again defined the institution as a "bond between one man and one woman."

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Mormon theology stipulates that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God." As a result, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not endorse same-sex marriage.

Episcopal Church

In July 2012, the General Convention of the Episcopal Church approved a liturgy for blessing same-sex relationships. The new liturgy, which will take effect in December 2012, falls short of a marriage rite. However, the "blessing" ceremony resembles the marriage ceremony in most ways, including an exchange of vows and agreement by the couple to be in a lifelong committed relationship. The ritual for same-sex couples will not be mandatory. Each Episcopal bishop will decide whether to allow churches in his or her jurisdiction to use the new liturgy to bless same-sex unions. And in those dioceses where blessing same-sex relationships is permissible, no Episcopal priest will be required to perform the blessing ceremony.

The Episcopal Church has been moving toward recognition of same-sex marriage for some time. In 2006 the church stated its "support of gay and lesbian persons and [opposition to] any state or federal constitutional amendment" prohibiting same-sex marriages or civil unions (Resolution A095).

Evangelical Lutheran Church in America

The ELCA defines marriage as "a lifelong covenant of faithfulness between a man and a woman." However, at its 2009 church-wide assembly, it voted to allow congregations that choose to do so to recognize and bless same-sex unions. At the same assembly, the church also adopted a social statement on human sexuality that supports a wide variety of families, including those headed by same-gender couples.

Hinduism

There is no official Hindu position on same-sex marriage. Some Hindus condemn the practice of homosexuality, but others cite ancient Hindu texts, such as the Kama Sutra, that seem to condone homosexual behavior.

Islam

Islamic law forbids homosexuality, and the practice of homosexuality is a crime in many Islamic countries, including Iran and Saudi Arabia.

Judaism

The Reform and Reconstructionist Jewish movements have supported gay and lesbian rights, including same-sex marriage, since the mid-1990s. In June 2012, the Conservative Jewish movement approved a ceremony to allow same-sex couples to marry. All three movements also allow individual rabbis to choose not to officiate at the weddings of gay and lesbian couples. Orthodox Judaism does not accept same-sex marriage, and its highest governing body, the Orthodox Union, has lobbied against gay marriage nationally and in various states.

Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod

In 2006, the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod reaffirmed its position that same-sex marriage is "contrary to the will of the Creator." At its 2010 national convention, the LCMS responded to the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America's 2009 decision (which gave ELCA congregations the option to support lifelong, monogamous, same-sex relationships) by restating the LCMS position that homosexuality is a sin "in any and all situations" and by encouraging the ELCA to reconsider its decision.

National Association of Evangelicals

In 2004, the National Association of Evangelicals reaffirmed its 1985 resolution that homosexuality is not sanctioned by the Bible. Thus the group does not support gay marriage or civil unions.

Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)

The top legislative of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) in June voted to recognize same-sex marriage as Christian in the church constitution, according to the Associated Press. The amendment requires approval from the majority of the 172 regional presbyteries, which will vote on the change over the next year. Separately, delegates voted to immediately allow ministers to preside at gay weddings in states where the unions are legal and local congregational leaders approve..

Southern Baptist Convention

In 2003, the Southern Baptist Convention issued a statement reaffirming its opposition to gay marriage. It called on "Southern Baptists not only to stand against same-sex unions but to demonstrate our love for those practicing homosexuality by sharing with them the forgiving and transforming power of the gospel of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)." In 2012, at its annual convention, church representatives passed a resolution once again affirming its opposition to same-sex marriage and stating that gay marriage is not "a civil rights issue."

Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations

In 1996, the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations passed a resolution in support of same-sex marriage.

United Church of Christ

In 2005, the United Church of Christ's General Synod voted to legally recognize and advocate in favor of same-sex marriage. Given the autonomous nature of United Church of Christ churches, each congregation may adopt or reject the recommendations of the General Synod.

United Methodist Church

In 2008, the United Methodist Church's top policymaking body reaffirmed that marriage is between a man and a woman. Additionally, the UMC's Judicial Council ruled in 2009 that church law prohibits clergy from performing same-sex marriages. Thus, the denomination does not sanction UMC ministers or UMC churches to conduct civil union ceremonies, despite appeals from some regional congregations and clergy that it do so. During the 2012 meeting of the General Conference, delegates voted down a resolution that would have struck from the UMC's Book of Doctrine and Rules language stating that homosexuality is "incompatible with Christian teaching." Delegates also tabled a proposal to allow churches to bless same-sex unions.