El Pocho Abogado

Instead of tearing families apart...

Sunday, July 29, 2007

I had a hearing in a different county on Friday. Their procedures are a little different from the county I normally practice in. I had to call in on Thursday to find out what court room and judge it was in front of. To my delight, or maybe dread and terror, I find that my hearing is in front of a pro tem judge. A pro tem judge who was a judge for a long time and then retired. Retired from the F'ing Supreme Court of Oregon. Not actually a judge but a Justice. Shit.

This wasn't any plain old justice either. This happened to be the one who wrote four or five of the major opinions on the area of law that was being argued that day. You could see the stress pulse in my veins as they throbbed on my fore head. Shit.

So, instead of sleeping that night I read, and reread and then read them ten more times for good measure, every opinion he wrote on the subject. I was so prepared for court that I could recite his opinions verbatim. I could probably belch the distinctions between Roshto and Cottingim. Maybe I was a little over prepared, over anxious, and over stressed. Shit.

And what happened? The mutha fucking opposing party fired their lawyer and no showed. I got a freaking default. Christ. Double Christ. Shit.

I guess at least I won and now I know the case law. I guess the Justice got to watch me sit and sweat like a mule in heat for half an hour while I tried to figure out what the hell was going and was super impressed and will recommend business my way. Whatever. Shit.

Monday, July 02, 2007

I went to starbucks this morning to get a bagel. I was out of bagels. At starbucks there was an attractive brunette woman with big brown eyes. She was wearing open toed black suede high heels. I kind of noticed her.As I was ordering my bagel and coffee I could see her checking me out. She leaned over to her friends and whispered. Her friends looked me over and whispered back.I was feeling pretty proud. A beautiful woman, with really great taste in shoes, was paying attention to me. I was nonchalant. I played it cool. I watched her get up with her friends and walk off towards the court house. I hoped she was a new file clerk or judicial assistant. Then I would see her again! Then I could work some of my charm on her. When it comes to charm the term, "pants off" has been known to apply. At least in my better daydreams it has applied.I strut back to my office, high on the idea that a beautiful woman had just checked me out.

Later this afternoon I go to ex parte to have the Judge sign a final judgment in a case. I'm feeling doubly good. A hot woman checked me out and now I'm finally closing a case I started back in December. It is a good day.I'm waiting in the hall when suddenly the attractive woman walks by and gives me a long glance. I quickly think why she might be in that hallway. Maybe she's on the restraining order docket and she's an advocate for survivors of domestic violence?I get up to read that days docket.

There's a former clients name on the docket. I won his case. I realized that the woman wasn't "checking me out". She was giving me nasty looks. She was the opposing party in a case that I won back at the beginning of the year. I got her protective order dismissed. (I was pretty awesome in that trial, not that I'm bragging.)She wasn't looking me up and down in the "He's tall, dark, and handsome" sort of way. She was looking me over and whispering to her friends in the "That's the douchebag that represented my ex husband and fucked up my life. What a dirtbag. Choke and die motherfucker" kind of way.

When I got back to the office I told the legal assistant what happened. She said "It's not okay to hit on your former client's victims."

El Pocho Abogado is an attorney and it's go time. He revels in the springeresque world of domestic relations law and is no longer able to be shocked. He's currently scanning myspace for pictures of opposing parties doing bong hits with their children. He would like some Carne Asada Tacos. He is interested in Rock N Roll, the news, and La Causa. If you are new wave then he is single. Email El Pocho Abogado