How to Keep Mars From Ruining Your Relationships: Mars in Libra

Mars is in the sign of Libra and will stay there for an unusually long time this year, until July 26, 2014! When Mars is in the sign of Libra, it’s a great time to look at how Mars behaves (or rather, misbehaves) in relationships.

Mars in the sign of Venus (Libra) means he loves Venus (in Horary astrology anyway), but Mars is not a relationship planet, so the way he “loves” could cause problems in your relationships.

Mars is also an idealistic energy. He has very clear ideas of the way things should be, therefore, he is very black and white in his thinking and has a very difficult time accepting things the way they are.

Idealism is wonderful under certain circumstances, such as when designing a city, the constitution of a country, a house, a course of action/strategy, landing a spaceship on Mars… you get the idea.

In a relationship, however, idealism is deadly. Having very definite ideas of the way things “should be” and then trying to enforce those ideas on your partner is the surest way to ruin your relationship. You can always try to live up to your ideals for your own behavior, of course, it’s just when you try to impose them on others that you violate the rules of Venus (relationships).

The way Mars “loves” is to give advice on the best way to do something, even when you didn’t ask for that advice, or don’t want that advice, no matter how great that advice is. When Mars hears a problem, no matter what kind of problem it is, he wants to solve it immediately.

His intentions are good, but very often misapplied.

It’s How You Feel with Someone That Matters Most

In relationships, how you feel with that person is more important than anything. If you are with someone who is always solving your problems and giving you unasked-for advice, how do you feel with them?

Unheard, unseen, unloved for who you are? Or maybe you feel disrespected because it seems that your partner thinks you are stupid, incompetent, or unable to solve your own problems?

If you are the masculine-energy person (this could be the man or the woman), and your partner is always telling you how to do it, you will feel insulted that they (seem to) think you need their instruction. What they hear is; “you are not quite smart enough to figure it out yourself, so let me tell you what you should do.” Obviously, not what you meant (if you are the one giving unwanted advice)! But, that is the way it’s typically received.

If you are the feminine energy person, you will feel lonely and unloved for who you are when your feelings are dismissed and are considered to be less important than logic or being “rational.” Feminine energy people will not stay in a situation where they don’t feel good most of the time, and when this person leaves, the Mars-afflicting person is usually shocked because they thought they were “just being helpful.”

In Relationships, it’s Venus That Rules

If you are all too familiar with anything I’ve mentioned here, then you can be sure that you or your partner is misapplying Mars energy in the Venus arena! The Venus arena of relationships has a different set of rules. The rules of Venus are; cooperation, diplomacy, connection, comfort, affection, sensitivity, and honoring feelings.

As you can see, very different than Mars.

A Respectful Way to Use Mars in a Relationship

There is a very simple way to deal with this. If you are the person receiving unwanted and unasked for advice, you can simply say that you really appreciate their ability to be logical and to solve problems, but right now what you really need is to just be listened to, and when you are ready for advice, they will be the first person you ask.

If they persist (which is likely as Mars is known as being pushy), then you will have no choice but to tell them that you will no longer talk to them about your problems and you will have to find someone else to talk to (they will hate this as Mars is very competitive)!

If you are the person who loves by solving problems for others, then you simply need to ask permission first, like this:

“I have a suggestion, idea, thought, about that, if you would like to hear it?”

When you do this, you are showing respect for the other person’s ability to solve their own problems (this applies not only to your partner, but your children, your friends, co-workers, and anyone else), but you are also priming them to actually hear your advice, instead of tuning you out.

Here’s the thing – you have to be completely willing to hear the words: “No, thank you, I’d prefer to figure it out myself,” or, “not right now I just need you to listen.”

If you can’t do that graciously, it’s better to not offer your advice at all. Believe me, this is not an easy thing to hear when you just know how to solve their problem!

This is a good example of how you can still offer logical Mars advice, but using the polite, respectful, and diplomatic language of Venus.

As I said above, Mars will be in the sign of Venus-ruled Libra until July 2014, so you’ll have lots of time to practice this and to see what a huge difference it will make in your relationships!