Full disclosure—we’re beliebers here at the dick factory. His rise to stardom is the biggest news out of Canada since Celine Dion whipped her penis across the border and smashed the Titanic. While some beliebe his mere existence should mandate a wall along the Canadian border, we watch his foolhardy antics like a rabid wolverine in Nintendo’s Duck Cunt.

As a result of our former love affair (can you call a weekly fisting session love?) with Harvey Levin, we’re privy to some exclusive information regarding the boy wonder. A kind of anti-Pinocchio, it appears Justin Beeber’s genitalia has been shrinking since 2005. It seems he’s afflicted with the rare yet deadly “Douchebaggio Syndrome.” Every time he gets a new tattoo, meant to symbolize some half-conceived notion on the front cover of a book his assistant almost looked at, an inch inches away. Every time he drives drunk or pees in the corner of a restaurant, his balls constrict like embarrassed hedgehogs.

To spread awareness of our hero’s unfortunate ailment, we’re offering the one & only Little Beeber Dick. In solidarity with this needle-dick bugfucker, we’ve reduced our ’29 inch phallus to a diminutive 5.5 inches. We need to be honest: the actual shaft size is just shy of 4 inches. Yes, we realize this is a very generous interpretation…

Like a chorus line of Chlamydia and Crabs, let’s spread the word and our legs and end this horrible condition once and for all. Know somebody so preoccupied with his miniature pony that he acts like a boner of Clydesdalic proportions? Send him a Beeber Dick and revel in your charitable contribution. Together, we can end this grave infirmity once and for all.

***Note: Any correlation between our product and the lovable Canadian crooner (last name Bieber) is unfounded speculation & purely coincidental ***