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Thursday

Lots of bloggers are blogging about the A to Z Challenge which starts in 3 days, so I thought I'd do a post of my own because now they've got me thinking about it. The challenge is to publish a post a day for each day of April (except Sundays (except for the first Sunday because that falls on April Fool's Day so it doesn't really count as an actual Sunday(???))) with a theme for each post relating to the letter of the day, in alphabetical order. This is a real challenge because I have struggled to post just 13 times a month thus far. It's not that I couldn't post more frequently, but no one has really asked me to.

I'm not going to lie to you, I don't have a huge audience for my humble little blog. It's okay, it's okay. Whatever readers I do have, I love. (You have to blog to get that. And maybe you blog and you are not like that. Maybe I'm the only one. Okay, so I'm weird.)

Anyway, I'm feeling the pressure to keep up the integrity of my blog during this challenge and so, dear readers-- very dear, but very few readers-- my overall theme for the challenge is going to be something that is near and dear to my heart these days: dance. Dance is becoming a predominant theme in my life, and so my plan is to use this challenge to educate myself more about the topic of dance. I will post a lesson a day about dance from A to Z. That way at least I learn something. And I figure, what's not to like about dance. People other than myself may even be interested.

Wednesday

How did I not know this song existed until today? This song is perfect for the music video that I am directing, producing, and staring in tomorrow morning. Don't believe me? Well check this out:

BAM!

That's right, "with Laura", that's me. (I guess I'm kind of freaking out a little. Would you believe five other moms signed up to take this class. Craziness.)

Okay, you have no idea what I'm talking about now. Here's the backstory.

About a year ago, roughly two years into the stay home mom sentence, I realized that I was a little off my game (understatement). I made the decision to get help, and then I hyperventilated, picked up the phone, dialed a number, and made an appointment. With a psychiatrist. That's right, the big guns. Not a day goes by that I don't congratulate myself on that decision.

Flash forward to today. I am walking around the house with "Wobble, baby, wobble, baby, wobble, baby, wobble" rattling around in my head while I practice choreography. (Yes, she does prescribe.)

I don't know how the other moms are going to react to my unorthodox take on a stroller fitness class, but it is sure to entertain whoever is still home at 10am with a back yard view into the park.

Saturday

For my next installment of my "How to Be Cool...(like me)" series, I will illustrate the Brute Force Coolness technique that I rely on heavily. First familiarize yourself with artist: LMFAO, song: "I'm Sexy and I Know It". (whatever...I've already publicly stated that I have the emotional integrity of a juvenile, so get over it.)

Now, whenever you are obsessively wallowing in self-pity, facing down public rejection and humiliation, finding yourself completely misunderstood and alone in the universe and blogosphere, repeat: "I'm cool and I know it", ad infinitum. I know. It doesn't seem like you will get anywhere with this mantra at first. You have to be a little patient. Let the sun rise and set a couple of times on the "I'm cool and I know it" mantra playing inside your head. Take a walk, go to the gym, hug your friend, make cheese, whatever it is you do when you are not on Facebook, or tweeting, or texting; but keep practicing the mantra. It takes a lot of practice unless you are naturally inclined to being cool and knowing it.

Sometimes you are not going to get the recognition you are looking for, you are not going to be included in "that" group, you are not going "connect", and that's okay...(seriously, it really does happen to everyone, or at least it has happened to someone (hi, me)). Your brute force go to technique is: "I'm cool and I know it."

Now I, for one, am going to go out and buy some leopard print pants at Target today. (Yes they do have them, I saw them yesterday.) Who's with me?!

Monday

Clara, I love you, but if you are not back in school by 9am tomorrow morning, my liquefied brain is going to start leaking out my ears. Sweetheart, it's not your fault. If I've learned anything from my therapy, it is that mommy has her limitations. I am sorry that your mom still has a lot of her own growing up to do. If it's any consolation, I'm trying to do it as fast as I can. On an emotional level, I'm probably an adolescent at best. But with help, at least I'm an adolescent who is making better choices. I know other moms can stay home, cook, clean, wipe bottoms, do laundry, watch a Yo Gabba Gabba marathon, read Brown Bear 32 times in a row, play make believe, and even have a kind word left for their husbands at the end of the day. But, kiddo, turns out, I am not one of those moms. I need people, more specifically, women. I need music, my music. Not the clean downloads either. I need explicit lyrics.

I need downtime. Two minutes is a great start, but ideally I'd prefer two solid hours of time to myself because unfortunately it takes me one solid hour to decompress and veg-out before I can even start prioritizing my to-do list.

I need a paycheck. I don't know why. We have everything we could ever need or want because of your daddy's gainful employment. It's just not the same as earning a paycheck. I can't explain it.

Above all, I need to move. Playing chase around the kitchen counter doesn't count no matter how many laps we make. I need to possess my body and challenge it to perform as my mind directs.

So, my dear, you have a very needy and somewhat immature mommy. The upside is, we both be knowin' this now. That's gotta take some of the pressure off you, right?
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Thursday

Okay, I was going to do a post for my weekly "'Why I Love Other Moms' Tuesdays" segment. I also have one in my head for Step 2 of my wildly popular "How to be Cool....(like me)" series. Also, I drew a self-portrait I was going to post. I still want to do all of those posts, plus the other 20 I have come up with since this morning, but that's not going to happen. So I am going with this:

Do you ever check your blogger stats? How fun is that. Here is what cracked me up today.
How totally disappointed would you be if you googled "puss in boots hat and sword" and found this

from my post Tape? Unless you are my daughter, I'm guessing very. What about "mini spa vacation"? Those both came up on the first page of the google search engine, as did "how to be cool like me" and "stop trying too hard to be social". After my initial giggling came my shock and horror, followed immediately by my optimism. Don't let these meager statistics lead you to dismiss my blog out of hand. It's all part of my cunning plan. That's right. Believe it.