1.06.2011

Moving Right Along

This is what 2011 feels like... Driving through a wicked snow storm only to discover you're having car trouble. Ultimately, you resign to the fact that the car must be left behind and it's up to you to use your own damn legs to freeze your ass off and stomp your way to your destination. Nothing seriously life threatening happens but what a pain! No one likes feeling pissed off. I would surely commiserate with you if you came to me with your story, surely I would! It is possible that the end of December and the few days we've experienced of January are a sign that 2011 is a year for resilience but I tend to have a harder time with glass-half-full mentality. Really, I feel as though 2011 burst through the door, gave me middle finger and a slew of profanities, threw his wet coat on my floor and stepped all over my couch with his muddy boots. Later on he eats up everything in the fridge and gets too drunk at dinner, making everyone uncomfortable. Take that Sissy Jupe. Although nothing truly serious or life threatening has happened, 2011 has been tough to start.

I'm not feeling inspired by the proverbial squeeky clean slate at the beginning of this year, just waiting for me to fill it with all sorts of adventures. I'm not feeling refreshed or rejuvenated. I'm especially having a hard time with resolutions and progressive introspection into my life. Introspection I have, but I've misplaced the goddamn matches. How am I supposed to find intuition, illumination into what I'd like to do with my life, set goals and feel the spark when I can't find a lighter anywhere. It's feeling dark, and the days have been shitty.

What could I mean? We'll just take a segment from yesterday, as an example (it seems pretty universal that yesterday was shitty). I drove home on my lunch break to let my dog out. I was pulled over for having expired tabs. Granted, I fully admit that it was my irresponsibility that got me into the situation--I know this--and I started to pay for it when I was given a "fix it ticket" and a court date to prove myself responsible enough to get things taken care of before February 16. This is a crappy situation, no doubt, but certainly not a day ruiner. No, things really started turning murky when 40 minutes later, we're talking less than an hour folks, I was pulled over again for expired tabs. I told the officer that I had just been pulled over and that I was on my way to take care of it. The officer was so kind as to inform me that any officer that pulled me over had the right to cite me for the violation regardless of how many times I had been pulled over in the past hour and regardless of whether or not I was on the way to take care of it. He too slapped me with a citation and another court date--for the day following the first court date (+ double court fees) . I understand that it's his right, but seriously? (!!) And that just seems to be my luck. And it's these moments that keep happening and eventually pile up, determining entire days that keep happening one after the other to make up the craziest first week to kick off a new year.

I'll get there with you, the goal setting, and the inspiration, and the get-to-getting and all that hullabaloo but we had some delays before we could take off. Anyone have some jumper cables?