LONDON, UK -- Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal will avoid each other in the FA Cup quarter-finals thanks to a rigged draw set up by the current Chief Ballwarmer, and professor of thermodynamic cooling in spherical objects, at the FA.

Balls are drawn from a bag for the draw, in an effort to make the draw look real, but the draw can easily be fixed by warming the balls before the draw.

“It’s important for the good of the game that the big 3 avoid each other, otherwise they could lose out on potential revenue if they were to knock each other out at this stage, thereby losing their current dominant position and stranglehold over other clubs.” said an FA spokesperson who also worked for one of the big 3.