Can You Prove to Us That You Eat Like a Man?

The beginning of a bold new venture in feeding yourself

Right now, in Mays Landing, N.J., there's a man who is eating like a man. It's not an accident; he's doing on purpose. This man, Ali Ahmad, 43, who coincidentally is a childhood friend of mine, has after reading this blog (and its resulting cookbook) decided to out-ELAM us all. Ali has started out with sterling credentials as an Eat Like a Man cook. He watched sheep get slaughtered in an abattoir when he was five. His grandmother fed him on large roasts that had been cooked for 13 hours in ovens not much hotter than a sauna. His kitchen consists of a metalworker's bench, a pan, and a blowtorch. He is truly the Eat Like a Man ideal reader, a fact he recently announced to me via text message. "Here's how you Eat Like a Man," his text read, boldly. The next contained the image above, and the words, "Standing Rib Roast For One with Crispy Fried Rigatoni in Roasted Bone Marrow Butter."

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I sent back a single exclamation mark as a response. About two hours later, I got a second message. "Yeah man that came out pretty fking great! I browned the rib in the bone marrow butter on the three standing sides on my bench-burner, then basted and quick roasted it at 550 degrees in the oven. Then rested with the door closed. " The oven-fried bone marrow rigatoni was merely a garnish, so he didn't bother discussing it.

ELAM readers might debate whether this dish — basically a tower of meat cooked with a blowtorch and a hand-welded stove — is the manliest one imaginable or not. But don't forget this key factor. Ali cooked this dinner for himself. He got up, bought a roast beef, cooked marrow, boiled rigatoni, and made this whole thing without any encouragement, company, or any expectation of gratitude or applause. This whole dish, to me, epitomizes what it means to eat like a man, eschewing as it does fear, fatigue, kitchenware, human society, good hygiene, and any satisfaction beyond that of a meal well made. Can you do better? Let us know! If you do, though, don't go patting yourself on the back. Ali is cooking right now, in all likelihood, and will be coming back with another recipe on ELAM soon.

So get your game on. 2014 is the year of Eat Like a Man, and Ali Ahmad has a head start.

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