Police on look out for ‘heartless’ metal thieves

Police in LA are investigating the disappearance of an Emerald City man who they fear may have been the target of local metal thieves.
The man, believed to live in an apartment above the Rainbow night club on upper eastside (police were not entirely sure which apartment) was last seen being bundled into the back of a white pick-up truck in the early hours of yesterday morning.
The metal theft is just the latest in a spate of incidents to have hit the city in recent months following the disappearance of metal storm gates, park railings and three members of Black Sabbath – although police did admit Sabbath had actually been scrap metal since the mid 80’s and hadn’t really been missed by anyone until now.
Police have condemned the kidnapping of the man as ‘an act of spineless stupidity’ and hope CCTV images will help identify the perpetrators.
‘We have two people in the frame for the kidnapping’ said a spokesman for the LAPD...’they’re only in black and white at the moment but we hope to get them tinted in sepia technicolour for you a bit later.
The first man in the frame appears to be wearing a straw hat and smoking a cigarette – which you would have to say was a pretty stupid thing to do under the circumstances.
The second man is not quite as stupid as the first. He appears nervous and unsure of himself, rarely coming out of the shadows.
But we think the leader of the gang is a young farm girl from Kansas who we know is on the run from the local sheriff following a canine rampage violation’.
Police say they would also like to interview this man in connection with the kidnapping. He is believed to be a friend of the female gang leader and is well known for his recycling of scrap material. The man is said to be constantly on the lookout for any old bit of 'iron' he can get his hands on and should be approached with caution.