Right Honourable Member for Muggsville

That first Streets album had a brilliant single: Don’t Mug Yourself on it. Class album, class song.

About a lad being badgered by his mates to not invest too heavily in an attractive woman. And thus, “mugging himself” of dignity/ pride, by trying too hard to pursue the aforementioned attractive woman.

It’s a common theme.

And as a woman, you know the process of the dick lure can be even more intense and undignified.

Women will do a lot of heavy duty, undignified, ridiculous shit to trample on each other in the pursuit of some dickhead bloke or other. The reasons for this are numerous and incalculable. And to do with patriarchal consumerism/ capitalism and a hegemonic ideology that serves to reduce them to passive vessels.

Whatevs.

But you know, at least Pamela Anderson or a porn star or whoever is stood with their fanny out and their tits stained orange and licking their lips and telling you the situation explicitly.

It’s man-pleasing, yeah.

But it’s honest man-pleasing.

It’s not snaking it’s way through your living room dressed as a commemorative Charles and Di plate, ready to gouge your eyes out and make hay with your fella.

Unlike The Tory Woman.

Tory Women are absolute man-pleasers from beginning to end. Yes, even Widdecombe.

To engage in a political rhetoric – at any level – that actively serves to undermine you is an absolute testament to self-hate and a desire to appeal to the people to whom they principally benefit: Rich, white, men.

Let’s take them on a case-by-case basis:

Dorries – Scouser. Born into relative poverty but absolutely aspirational. Regularly spouts ‘New Christian’ ideology – the bits about young people not aborting kids, but not the bits about living humbly (facial cosmetic surgery, peroxide hair etc). Recently opposed ‘sexist’ BBC, but is currently having a relationship with best friend’s husband whilst best friend is in ravages of alcoholism. ‘OOO speaker, what a big GAVEL you have!’

Warsi – Wheeled out any time the Tories need a token ethnic. Recently criticized Britain for not maintaining Christian values. Belongs to an historically racist political party. Opposed to immigration. She is a Muslim. She may as well wear a fuck-off t-shirt saying ‘I Hate All That I Am’.

Mensch – Shame on you if you were fooled by her ‘I’m one of you…’ drug anecdote letters to the press. She is facile. She’s an embarrassment. The Tory attempt to appeal to youth, in epic human form. Her appearances on HIGNFY etc have been nothing short of breathtakingly cringe. The reason for this is that subversive humour works on the basic premise that we’re all sort of equal at heart. Tories aren’t on that page, people. She’s the one Tory pin-up bird and by jove don’t they make use of her? Work it Menschy, work it…

Liz Jones – Technically not a Tory. But right wing. She’s desperately mentally ill so I won’t linger here. But The Mail have a lot to answer for, having such an obvious example of womanhood who hates herself and other women to such a degree on a platform. Poor old Liz. I actually mean that. She needs help.

Thatcher – She changed nothing for women. Made things worse for women. Is the prototype self-hater. If a woman – as espoused by tories – is measured by her parenting… just look at her FUCK UP kids. Already planning the Street Party fucker, already planning.

I think the thing is that it’s easy to get annoyed at women with any degree of power who promote a politics that serve to reduce them and other women. You can’t help but notice that self-hate permeates the dialogue like the proverbial elephant in the room.