Confession Number Three: When I heard the twain would meet in “I Love You, Man,” I began grasping for the smelling salts to fend off the fainting spell I knew was coming. Then I hunkered down and waited for March 20.

The point of this little closet unloading session? To proffer a warning: What you’re about to read is a review replete with bias. (You’ll probably walk away with a little on your shoe.) Sure, I could try to push it aside, but why? Truth be told, Rudd and Segel are so good together — think Felix and Oscar meet Ren and Stimpy — they deserve heaps-o-praise … even if it is delivered by someone who once made a Paul Rudd collage (I feel your scorn, and I accept it).

But first we must wade through the pat setup: Peter’s more Merlot than Budweiser, so he hits a wall when his fiancee Zooey (Rashida Jones, trying to live down that undeserved “Is that Karen from ‘The Office’?” rep) asks him his pick for best man at their wedding. Oops. Peter spent so much time being the “girlfriend guy” he never made male friends. His family — including Jane Curtin as mom and scene-stealer Andy Samberg as his brother Robbie — set him up on a string of man dates with uniformly disastrous results. (Watch for the hilarious cameo by “Reno 911!” alum Thomas Lennon.) Overall, been there, seen that. Yawn.

The real fun starts when Sydney shows up at an open house Peter’s hosting to sell the palatial estate owned by Lou “The Hulk” Ferrigno. Sydney wolfs down the paninis, scouts the scene for divorcees, upbraids a farting interloper trying to impress an out-of-his-league date … and Peter falls hard. Like any couple relishing new love, they can’t get enough of each other: strolls down Venice Beach, Rush concerts, impromptu jam sessions in Sydney’s ill-lit man cave (it has a widescreen plasma! and a bitchin’ drum set!).

And so the story goes. The plot has all that you’d expect of a rom-com: boy meets boy, boy falls for boy … you get the picture. Even the pat ending feels like something that would fit fine in, say, “Sweet Home Alabama II.” Ignore all that. The real meat’s in the performances, and “I Love You, Man” is packed with great ones. The supporting cast is bang-on, including Jaime Pressley and Jon Favreau as a hilarious bicker-happy married couple and relative newcomer Sarah Burns, who comes off like a younger, bouncier Kristen Wiig. J.K. Simmons shows up as Daddy Claven to do what he does best: fire off dependably witty one-liners. Samberg, whose biggest role thus far has been Rod Kimble in “Hot Rod,” is droll perfection as a gay fitness instructor who’s grown bored with pursuing gay men and has set his sights on tougher game: the average married straight man. Yeah, he’s funny, but more impressive is his subtlety. It sneaks up on you.

And a moment of meditation on Rashida Jones: There’s a reason she was chosen for this part. She’s got the comedic timing and the pluck needed to make Zooey much more than a stereotypical needy, nagging fiancee. Here’s to hoping Hollywood wises up to her considerable talents before she’s lost to TV world forever.

But this is Rudd and Segel’s show, and they do not disappoint. Both are gifted comedic actors skilled at revealing vulnerability and humanity through comedy. They know it’s the details that matter. For Rudd, it’s all about painful pauses and inappropriate reactions. In Guy World, Peter’s the exchange student who doesn’t speak the language, doesn’t know the customs but thinks he can fake it. He can’t, but watching him try is priceless. (Note with glee the various awful nicknames he dreams up for Sydney, including “Jobin” and “Totes Magotes.”) There’s something endearing about his complete ineptitude. Sydney, on the flip side, is all confidence and wild-eyed spontaneity — an unusual Tony Robbins/Gallagher hybrid. True, he’s a loud-mouthed oaf with a bad case of arrested development, but Segel shows Sydney’s smarts, kindness and also the fear lurking beneath his macho posturing. Segel and Rudd are a match made in heaven (I won’t say I told you so … I won’t say I told you so).

And that’s the thing about “I Love You, Man”: It touches on the truth that finding a best friend is a lot like falling in love. Man, woman — it doesn’t matter. Except if it’s men, there’s the slight chance a man cave with a “love your member as yourself” corner will be involved.

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