Sunday, March 25, 2012

Hi there! Today i have plenty of different thought going through my head. There are many different ways that his blog can end up going....but who knows which way it will be.

Lately i feel like i have been trying to repress my true self. I leave places feeling like i am different or that people are patronizing or annoyed by me. In a nut shell, i feel like people may think that i am "too much". Just in general. Too much mouth. Too much truth. Too much opinions. Too much honestly where it just may not belong. And i am aware of these things. Hence me trying to suppress it and adopt a different more boring and quiet side. (at least when i am out in public)

I always have these good intentions of being quiet and listening more and nodding (i think the nodding really brings it all home) without saying anything. But darn it anyhow, then i see people and i just get excited. I love to talk.I love people. I love my friends and i get so excited that i get a little spastic and crazy. But if it matters at all, i am crazy for you?!? No, that makes no difference? Still too much...
Well, wouldn't ya know about 1 mintue (if i'm lucky) into a conversation of me nodding and being quiet, some great idea or opinion or thought come to mind and i just have to tell people. I must. I feel like my brain just may explode if i keep it all inside.

So today as i drove, i thought about that. How i got too chatty yet again. And then i though this though, "Who cares!?" (you must say that like you are from Bah-stin (Boston) to really make it count) Who cares, I say. Who? Cause i don't want to anymore.

I am who i am and i am not that bad! (please don't feel the need to reassure me of this, i am just brainstorming here)

Honestly, i don't know if its the culture we live in. The church. The times. The world wide web...or what? But people all think they have things figured out. They do. And if you don't figure it out like they do, well, then you're just wrong.

And ya know what i say to that? I say, No! No way. Who says what is right and wrong. (Well, actually God totally does.) But i mean on an even playing field? We are all Christians and we all are trying to raise our kids in Gods image. But what does that really look like? Is it raising your child to always choose their words carefully and never step out of line? Is it raising little robots who listen and can't think or feel for themselves? Is it raising crazy kids who have no rules, no bed times, no structure? What, what? What? Some one tell me....what is it?!?

Cause lots of people think they have it figured out. They don't even have to say it, you can feel it when they look at you. And i am tired of it. I think it is the pettiness of Christians, wait, not just Christians, Mothers.

We all do thing different, but that doesn't mean they are wrong! (can i get an Amen here?)

I'll tell you today and tomorrow and any other day you ask.(not that anyone has ever asked) I do NOT have anything figured out(which may be a bit obvious, now that i think about it). I second guess everything.(and third and fourth and fifth...) And i get totally frustrated that my kids just KEEP hiding their stinking pajamas in their shirt drawer when they can just as easily put it in the PJ drawer!!!!! They do it to get to me...i just know it! Wait, now what was i even talking about...?

I blame all bad choices on the influence of television...

Now, i am normally a black and white girl. I don't like the grey areas. They confuse and frustrate me. I want to know the rules and i want to follow them. God says love one another, then lets do that. Lets obey. God tells us to honor our Mother and Father, lets do that....

But its the fine print, the unwritten rules of raising kids that is hard. We are all trying. All moms try. It just looks different for each of us. You just might think its more important for your child to ask to be excused from the dinner table and i really hope my kids have rhythm and shake their booties when they hear a good beat...Come on, you all know the beat i'm talking about...the one you can help but shake it to!

So i say this, the core principle is that we are to Love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and soul. And love our neighbors as yourself. (Mark 12:30) That's the foundation of it. Love. We can't get hung up on stuff that doesn't matter. And we especially can't get hung up on the "what about me's?" and the "My needs. My dreams...me, me, me, me and me!"

Basically this post is all about rules and no rules all at the same time. That makes sense, right? Anywhooo....

Back to what i have been thinking. Even though my kids make me crazy sometimes, they act out when i really need them to behave. They fight when i just want them to hug. And they use the word "butt" at any and every chance that presents itself. (and it seems to present itself alot)

They know, without a shadow of a doubt that they are loved. They know i love them because i tell them. They know they are loved because they feel it. They know they are loved because they see it. I love them. (Now my next blog i will get on my soapbox about the fact that we have to be present in their lives to let them feel this. Not seeking to make our own lives better. Not gone fulfilling our selfishdreams. Actually being with them. Physically there.)

And ya know what, i hope that my kids grow up to have tons to say and are excited about life. Because there is nothing wrong with that.

(Just had to step away quick as Junior came downstair and looked at me and said "I ate no peanut butter. I just ate my soup. But i ate NO peanut butter!)

Oy. Where was I? Oh yes. I am not going to worry about the "icing", if you will, of life. The stuff that doesn't matter. It truly doesn't. Who cares if people say things that i don't agree with. Who cares if people raise their kids differently than i do. Who cares if they say potato and I say poTOTo. Lets not do ourselves harm as a body of Christ. Lets not judge each other and fight against our cause. Lets work together to love. Lets show it, do it, act it, represent it, and embrace it so that others can feel it.!

Now, if you'll excuse me, i have to go put on LMFAO and let my kids sing Sexy and I know it, in their underwear....