Send me email updates about messages I've received
on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.By signing up, you certify that
you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

CUSTODY! PLEASE READ-VERY IMPORTANT!

Ok, heres the story. My son is two, he has not been around his bio father but maybe 3 times in the two years. He filed for partial shared custody and legal(his mothers doing) I dont know what to do. He has never been around, his mother was in the beginning. Its been 6 months with no contact, i printed out cell/house/txt msgs for the last year. It shows that i have made contact with him, which i have and hardly anything in return(will look good cuz he said he tried contact and i refused it) Last contact was a day before easter his mom was supposed to come get my son--never showed. His bday was this month.. no card, nothing. Payed support until this month. Wants overnight 2 nights noon-noon, and 9am-12. I dont mind him having visitation-he has the right, but this overnight stuff is killing me. My son knows none of them him/mother. has anyone been through this, what do u think the outcome will be? I am finding a lawyer by the way

I think you need to try with him. He deserves to see him esp over night. Everyone make mistakes and just be thankful that he is trying.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 1:56 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

one thing i know of moms doing is saying "I have no problem with him visiting his son but it needs to be supervised"

Answer by
Anonymous
at 2:11 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

I have actually been through this. Truthfully if you go to court they will probably award him 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of the month starting on Friday night around 6 and he will return him on Sunday evening around 7. Then he'll also get Wednesday nights. This is if he doesn't get half and half which is entirely possible unless he is an unfit parent (alcoholic, severe criminal history wrap sheet, etc) Your best bet is to say "Hey I want you to see your child. Lets save ourselves the heartache and do this outside of court. I'll agree to Saturdays 9am-8pm and one night a week you pick." and see if he'll agree. If he does hire a lawyer and have them write it up quick.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 2:12 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

Does he pay support? I think you have a good chance of keeping full custody, as you have proof that no one was returning your calls etc... Maybe try to work with his Mom, and take control of the visits, like do you want me to bring DS over for awhile today? Lawyer fees can get out of control, and something tells me this may be a ploy to avoid or lessen his support payments, god bless and good luck!

A generation ago he would not get overnights until your son was older. Now courts don't care. He will probably get every other weekend and Wed. even though they are strangers. It sucks, but there may be nothing you can do about it.

One thing you could do is move as far as possible for visitation to stay the same. If it's too difficult then the father might not bother. If you move too far the court might order your son to spend whole summers or some other stupid thing.

Ask for graduated visitation. They aren't going to throw you son into overnights with strangers. With graduated visitation the amount of time they spend together increases as the child gets comfortable with the astranged parent. In most states how quickly it graduates to every other weekend, one week night depends on the age of the child. If you google 'graduated visitation' and your state you should be able to find the guidelines the courts like to follow.

It shows that you want your ex to have time with your son, and that you have your son's best interest at heart as well. You aren't likely to be denied the request with your current situation.

Agree w/ the graduated visitation. We are in the midst of trying to GET visitation of my husband's oldest that his ex has kept from him and our lawyer told us this is how it would start. He's 14, I don't know why it would be any different for a 2 yr old. And I know it sucks, but you should really get a lawyer, hopefully one who's in w/ the "mommy friendly" (even more so than most) judges. (This is what saved me when we went 2 court for my oldest 2)