We have one pampers commercial here and my DH says he doesn't like it because it makes him think of Isaiah. I saw an e-mail he wrote to his sister saying how upset he was - but a lot of the thoughts he doesn't share with me. I saw the other day he was writing a poem called "My Son." Other than that he whistles and sings songs all day. Don't get me wrong, he tries and he is really the greatest. This week I have been at an all-time low, barely speaking - he doesn't know what to do with me and neither do I. Thank you Callie's Mom and angelKat for letting me know that I am not alone.

Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"Isaiah's Website

When Josiah was very ill in the NICU, my husband and I
would go to pray and cry after our visits. After he passed
the hurt seemed so overwhelming to my husband.( Who is
a very caring man) It really hurt him that he could physically
not do anything for Josiah. He was good at verbalizing this.
At one point he kept saying that "Josiah was in a better place."
But he seemed to be trying to convince himself of this. One
night, I asked him to please pray with me and he broke down as
he was talking to God. Sometimes, when I cry he either says
that, "sorry, I can't help you" or he says nothing at all.
He has told me that seeing babies makes him sad sometimes.

My husband never mentioned it after the day Callie died. And now, six months later, I finally told him how hard it has been for me. His response was that he "sometimes gets sad too", but I should remember that my son needs me, and I should feel lucky to have him.

I have to tell you, THAT IS NOT HELPFUL!!!!! [:(!] I do feel lucky to have my son every day, but it does NOT lessen the loss and sadness I feel for my daughter.

I can understand feeling as if your DH life went back to normal. I feel at times, my DH did the same thing (so I thought) I was so mad that this grief seem just to go away over night and here I still was a basket case.

My DH cried furing the first week but now he seems to be back to business as usual. I think my dad called last night and I heard him telling him that he was "great." Well, that's great for him. He also says maybe once I am better he might break down - I dunno. Guys, I am angry at the world right now. Please excuse my sarcasm.

Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"Isaiah's Website

I think it hard on the men, because they do think they have to be strong for us. I can remember my Dh just breaking down at Katlyne's first birthday while giving a speech thanking the Nurses that care for Kat. At times, I really thought he didn't feel anything... But, I soon found out he felt as if he needed to be strong for me.....

My dh didn't talk a lot about his own greif, but he did cry occassionally. I would talk to him and let him know it was ok for him to talk to me about it - he didn't need to be strong for me. But the things that he says and has said all along to me is pretty much what my therapist is telling me now. Mike just focused on that I was going to be ok and I was still here with him. He didn't come home to an empty house. As for supporting me through my grief - he has been wonderful.