Related

Tonight’s Hawaii Five-0 was full of daddy-daughter moments, sociopaths, McDanno gold, and actually some pretty emotional moments for almost everyone on the team. The episode opens with a family getting ready for their day. Mom is leaving for work, while Dad gets the kids ready for school. On another part of the island, a grandpa (Gregory Itzin) is dropping his grandson off at the bus stop.

Then we see Mom pulling into the parking garage at work. She’s a brain surgeon and is headed in for an emergency surgery—that is, until GRANDPA COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND SHOOTS HER IN THE FACE. WTF.

When the team arrives at the crime scene, they realize the murder of Dr. DuPont was an organized hit. And it doesn’t seem like a coincidence when they find out who her patient was: Paul Delano (Daniel Baldwin), the man who kidnapped Chin and whose brother murdered Chin’s wife, Malia. They think someone didn’t want Delano to survive (besides them).

When Chin and Steve go to speak to Delano, he is literallylaughing about Malia’s murder. The doctor says Delano needs surgery immediately, but seeing as Delano is a terrible human being, they delay him a little.

Delano admits that he’s been playing up his reputation in prison. He’s broke and his empire has crumbled. The only thing keeping him alive is the rumors. Anyone could want him dead. Before he’s carted off to surgery, Delano makes some veiled threats toward Chin, and says he knows where to find him. (Okay, not so veiled.) Bad news: Delano makes a full recovery.

Meanwhile, Lou is interviewing the victim’s husband, Mark (Scandal‘s Brian Letscher). He said his wife has stayed late a few nights working on something for a patient, but he doesn’t know who would want her dead.

Danny and Kono head to the morgue to speak to Max. He tells them that DuPont recently treated another patient from Halawa Correctional, a man who had an inoperable brain tumor. But the man didn’t die of cancer; he was smothered.

The second victim, Mana Tahni, spent most of his life in prison, beginning with a reform school for juvenile offenders when he was 15. Tahni had given DuPont some names to look up, and one of them was the old warden, Walter Russell.

When the team arrives at Russell’s house, they find booby traps everywhere. Lou also finds Russell himself, who manages to get a gun on Lou and take him hostage. He says the lady doctor ruined his life. Lou manages to get the gun from Russell, but when Russell runs, he trips one of his own fatal booby traps. The case would be closed, but Wallace was off his meds and wouldn’t have been capable of the murders. (Also the episode is only half over.)

Kono recovers a recorded conversation between DuPont and Tahni about four boys he went to reform school with. Tahni thought they were murdered. Everyone said the boys escaped, but Tahni saw a guard lead them shackled to the solitary confinement area, and he later overheard a conversation with Wallace about covering up their disappearances.

And that guard was none other than Grandpa from the beginning of the episode, a man named Alex Mackey. Steve thinks the bodies must still be on the grounds, so he organizes a search. Meanwhile, Steve and Danny pick up Mackey at the bus stop. He’s pretty confident until Steve announces the bodies have been found. Mackey left the boys in the closed, solitary confinement area during a heat wave, and he killed Tahni and DuPont to keep the deaths covered up.

On the home front, Lou’s daughter, Samantha, is having nightmares about the time that Nick Jonas kidnapped her. Lou feels helpless, but he tells Samantha that things will get easier eventually. In the meantime, they’ll get through it together.

This episode also brings us our first Uncle Steve/Gracie moment in far too long. Uncle Steve is helping her train for the President’s Physical Fitness Medal. (SPOILER: She gets the medal.) They run and commiserate about Danny together. But then Steve happens to see someone stealing his car. He tells Grace to stay put, and he runs after the perp, but he gets away.

Later, Danny is furious that Steve left Grace alone on a street corner, and he doesn’t feel badly about Steve’s deathtrap of a car, either. Steve gets angry at Danny; he knows what the car means to him. Their bickering continues. Chin wants to know if they’re still going to therapy; I want to know when they’re getting married.

Duke and Pua find Steve’s car, nearly stripped, and Steve is livid. The parts were factory originals and can’t be replaced. But the guy left his tools behind, so he’s probably coming back. Steve orders round-the-clock surveillance until they catch the person responsible. In the best cargument in a while, the boys are bringing out the claws. “Don’t trivialize my suffering,” Steve snaps at Danny.

Steve’s plan works. Duke finds the thief, but it’s just a kid. His mom’s dead, his dad’s in prison, and he’s been living on the street. Steve gets the kid, Nahale, some food and fresh clothes, and he makes a deal with him: If he stays out of trouble and helps Steve get his parts back to rebuild his car, he won’t file charges. Steve, the big softie, even gets Nahale a job with Kamekona. Danny tells Steve, “That’s why I love you, babe.”

If you need me, I’ll be rolling in my shipper feels until our next episode in a couple weeks.

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons