I just discovered—because I hadn't set foot in my gym, ever, until earlier this week—that the elliptical trainers have BUILT IN FANS. Fans! Right there! In the machine. Fans to blow cool air somewhere in the direction of your sweaty face/neck/chest area, while you run in an elliptical motion, Around The Fur blasting on your headphones. Somehow, this makes all the difference. Somehow, this is going to change my life. I'm going to be someone who goes to the gym. A real, responsible human. My mom will be so proud.