Do or Die?

Is your toxic relationship ready to implode?

By Corine Gatti

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Seriously, what is it going to take to get rid of the person that you are with? You know the relationship is collapsing inward and maybe on the destructive path. Infidelity, verbal abuse or physical violence may be at play. These patterns can be especially daunting to the person on the receiving end, holding them hostage. If you are in a toxic relationship, you are in a do or die situation. What do we mean by this? Dying is not just a physical manifesting. Within the context of the relationship, it could mean you're diminishing mentally, spiritually and emotionally within the union. A healthy relationship contributes to our self-esteem and to our emotional energy. If this is not the case, here are 6 ways to navigate a troubled relationship.

Take a step back.

First, you need to realize the relationship is not just rocky, but unpredictable and maybe dangerous. Step back and honestly review what is unhealthy about it. Make a mental list or compile a physical list of the pros and cons of the relationship. Understand that we can’t change something if we don’t acknowledge it, so be honest with yourself. Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University and author of The Friendship Fix explained. "Keeping a finger on your own emotions can help you develop insight into the people in your life, so you can choose healthier situations," she added.

Calmly talk to the person.

If your relationship is at risk or is physically abusive, do not confront them. However, if you can talk with your partner, do it in a diplomatic way. Sometimes, a person is not aware of how they are acting and they may turn the page if you bring problems up. If they are hot-headed and if the conversation becomes heated then you need to take a break to dodge a fight. If you feel intimidated to bestow your opinions, this is a sign that the relationship does not foster communication. You must cleanse your relationship before you can think of finding true love or developing a lasting union.

Love is more than a feeling.

Emotions can rule your relationships and your decisions. When it comes to love, loving someone is not enough. Love is more than a feeling it also is mutual respect and valuing each other. "Because the relationship is toxic and your obsession is so intense, you're going to get lost in your own confusion. You're going to ride the waves of emotion and allow them to drag you into the middle of a cold, dark ocean," elitedaily.com explained. When we are in this dark place we need to recognize that love can only take a relationship so far. Why should you love someone who doesn't value you? Sometimes we need to just walk away and cut our losses.

Set limits.

Do you feel like you’re not worthy of this person or that you deserve less? If you are honest with yourself, you might be able to find out why you stuck around for so long. Being in a toxic relationship for any length of time kills your self-esteem. Boundaries are needed to maintain balance in life and preclude you from being treated poorly. If you agree to everything despite knowing you can’t do it or put up with any kind of abuse, it will recapitulate. Try asserting yourself and tell them that their behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Start choosing your welling-being over being an emotional doormat.

Find support.

When you’re walking away from a toxic relationship, it’s key that you’re around people who truly care about you. Let them know what is going on and seek their love and support. Living in isolation will make things worse and you might start becoming depressed. Maintain the mentality that you need socializing to feed your health. Another reason you need people around you is to help rebuild your endurance to make the tough decision to end it.

Making the tough decision.

Making the decision to end the relationship takes a lot of courage. No matter what, breakups are never comfortable or easy. It’s important to recognize that the relationship at its core was damaging and once you make the first step, you will realize how critical the relationship really was. Psychology Today explained that things don’t disappear, you need to take action because the challenges of today will still be there tomorrow. You need to make the decision and a commitment to deal with the pain and then let it go. "If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this past hurt. "The next step is to find healthy ways to deal with your emotions. Talk with friends, write in a journal, see a counselor, pray or take a trip away from the environment. "There are so many emotions involved in a breakup — anger, sadness, loneliness, feelings of rejection and uncertainty about the future," the Huffington Post shared.

Being in a destructive relationship is hard to to get out of. However, if your life is on the line or you need help to get to safety, reach out for advice. The National Domestic Hotline can help generate a safety plan to remain safe "while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. Safety planning involves how to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the abuse, take legal action and more." A bad relationship doesn't need to be this extreme to damage your emotional health and dash your hopes for future happiness.