Top R. Kelly Songs That Will Get Someone Pregnant

R. Kelly has compared women’s body parts to cars and cookies, he’s sung about doing it in various unfathomable places (including IHOP), and he’s christened himself a sex genius and a sex-a-saurus (which doesn’t exist). For two decades, he’s served as R&B’s unofficial midwife, responsible for bringing a lot of you babies into this world. Shut up and thank him now.

He’s made a lot of sex music, even if it goes without saying that every R. Kelly song these days is tainted with a grain of perversion. Since his latest album, Black Panties (in stores Dec. 10), finds him back on that good ole sex-n-B, we compiled his 40 greatest sex songs (Spotify playlist below) guaranteed to get someone pregnant. Caution: sexually explicit, inappropriate, hilarious content ahead. —Clover Hope and Stacy-Ann Ellis

Photo Credit: Instagram

“Half On A Baby” (1998)

R. Kelly’s reading comprehension may be low, but he’s clearly a math whiz. Two horny halves plus nine months equals one newborn. This is the smoothest way to start the process of bringing new life into the world.

Photo Credit:Vevo

“Bump N’ Grind” (1993)

Kells screams and pleads his way into the sheets with an aching acapella opener (“My MIND’S telling me nooo…”) that’s now a familiar foreplay staple.

[videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"]

[/videoembed]

Photo Credit: Vevo

"It Seems Like You're Ready" (1993)

Both the title and lyrics skew creepy (“I could’ve sworn you were ready”?), but when that seductive ’90s slow tempo kicks in, articles of clothing seem to slip right off.

[videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"]

[/videoembed]

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"You Remind Me Of Something" (1995)

One of R. Kelly’s most elaborate and genius metaphors: comparing his girl to a jeep because he wants to ride her, pump her and even wax her. An idea so crazy it works.

Photo Credit: Vevo

"Sex Me" (1993)

It doesn’t get any more straightforward than this. R. Kelly narrates how he feels (“I feel so freaky tonight...”) and then proceeds to explain exactly what he wants you to do (“Sex me, baby, baby/Sex me”). Simple.

"Strip For You" (2000)

“Your Body's Calling” (1993)

When it comes to bedroom soundtracks, clearly Kelly is king. Chances are this anthem makes your ultimate top-5. Shhh… can you hear it?

Photo Credit: Vevo

“Genius” (2013)

Kanye West may hold the [self-appointed] title of "creative genius," but does that even hold a candle to being Einstein between the sheets? Kelly's mastery of pleasing and exploring the female anatomy goes way back before baby Yeezus even came to be.

[videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"]

[/videoembed]

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"The Greatest Sex" (2000)

This tranquil TP2.com track starts as a lullaby and crescendos into a sexy opera while Kelly lays the blueprint for the most memorable night ever: ceiling fans “with you on top of me,” sun rays bursting in and a Capricorn lover.

[videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"]

[/videoembed]

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"R&B Thug" (2000)

R. Kelly has always toed the line between smooth guy and roughneck. Here, he uses his best street come-ons (“You dealin’ with a true baller, baby”) to try to court a stripper off the pole and into his bedroom.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Tempo Slow" (1995)

When Kells takes a deep sigh to start this slow burner off his self-titled sophomore solo album, you know what's next.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Just Like That" (2000)

Men can have a hard time expressing emotions...surprise. R. Kelly makes it easy here, finding creative ways to explain how love feels (“like a shelter when the storm gets rough”). It’s beautiful, a song for the committed.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Step In My Room" (1995)

There’s a surprise waiting in the bedroom and, as R. Kelly says: “I don’t see no sign on my door that says ‘Closed.’”

Photo Credit: Vevo

"Bump N’ Grind (Old School Mix)" (1993)

As if the original “Bump N’ Grind” wasn’t X-rated enough, Kells took it into overtime with this freak groove.

"Etcetera" (1998)

It’s the perfect tempo.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Honey Love" (1992)

One of R's earliest grind anthems (from an era when it was cool to wear vests while shirtless), this '90s Public Announcement track makes for a nostalgic throwback slow jam.

Photo Credit: Vevo

"In The Kitchen" (2005)

It’s the most unsanitary way to get down, and no vegetable or countertop is safe. Whether “over by the stove” or “by the butter rolls,” so many options...

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Ignition" (2003)

With its multiple vehicular metaphors (“back that thing up so I can wax it, baby”), consider this an unofficial sequel to “You Remind Me Of Something.”

Photo Credit: Vevo

"Get Up On A Room" (1998)

Not even in the room—on it. What time is it? Sex-o-clock.

Photo Credit: Vevo

“Pregnant" (2009)

Duh, look at the title of this list. During the course of this soft-stroking, seven-minute saga, R. Kelly considers tossing his pimp card aside and making the mistress the wifey.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"I'll Never Leave" (2003)

“Shut up” is how this track starts off, and then R. Kelly sings things like: "Since the day that doctor took me out of the womb and spanked me/Girl, I was born to be with you and the rest is history.”

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby..." (1995)

This tender tribute to ride-or-die chicks focuses on showering that special someone with gifts to show appreciation.

Photo Credit: Vevo

"Feelin' On Yo Booty” (2001)

Mr. Kelly is a pro at setting the mood. This infamous tune is a DJ must for when the party winds down and inseparable pairs are partnered up rear-to-crotch.

Photo Credit: Vevo

"The Zoo" (2007)

Only R. Kelly can transform a bedroom into a wildlife habitat, cheetahs and all. Just don't be frightened by the elephant and monkey sound effects.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Bangin the Headboard" (2009)

After immediately laying his feelings on the table (the first words uttered are "I feel so freaky..."), Kells delivers a fleeting falsetto of all the things he can do to rattle the walls. Hope you can hang.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Hump Bounce" (1995)

This '90s throwback makes it easy to transition from the dance floor to the bedroom to carry out the title's two-step.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"(Sex) Love Is What We Makin'" (2005)

For Kells, any time is the right time for making love. No time block on your agenda is safe. Mark off holidays and weekends, too.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Whole Lotta Kisses" (2009)

R. Kelly is quite the fan of lip-locking with his lady, and he doesn't discriminate where.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

“I Can’t Sleep Baby (If I)” (1995)

This time, Kells swaps out carnal cravings for notes of sincerity and apologies. This slow burner is a surefire gateway to makeup sex.

Photo Credit: Vevo

"One Me" (2000)

Be clear: R. Kelly is an original. Consider his gentle serenade about how he's "gonna do your body right" a little reminder.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"Go Low" (2009)

If you know anything about the Pied Piper, you know he has a thing for edible women. Here, he wants to make you his entrée and "sop you up with some biscuits." Not sure if he leaves room for dessert.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

“Put My T-Shirt On" (2005)

As much as women enjoy snuggling up in their guys' oversized apparel post-deed, guys find a greater delight in the sight of her donning a t-shirt-only ensemble.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

“Touchin”' (2005)

Solo R. Kelly is always a treat, but listening to both sides of a romantic encounter allows both parties to benefit from the listening session. Kells and Nivea's exchange of sex requests may even spark some new ideas.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

"All I Really Want" (2000)

"All I really want is to love you, baby/Make your body feel like heaven, baby." R. Kelly makes it clear that he just wants to pamper and please his partner. How can you turn that "Cater 2 U" treatment away?

Photo Credit: Getty Images

“Imagine That” (2003)

To get into the zone, R. Kelly encourages forgetting the real world and imagining all the sextacy (his word, not ours) that his misses will experience. FYI, there are candles, oils, whipped cream and strawberries in his visions.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

“Religious Love” (1995)

For a few moments, R. Kelly's sentimental side is in full view. As he croons sweet nothings in his lady's ear, it's apparent that his love for her is as consistent as his nightly prayers. Aww, how beautiful.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

“Green Light” (2012)

Kells' request for permission is oddly charming. He wants to replace the subpar man his lust-interest is dealing with, and coaxes her to follow Floetry's lead and say yes. In his words, he makes one hell of a substitute.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

“Number One Hit” (2010)

In this endearing ditty, a clearly-in-love-Kelly equates his relationship with his beau to a chart-topping song, laced with the sweetest of melodies. This one will drive any couple into a starry-eyed cuddle session.

From the Web

More on Vibe

SZA called for peace and understanding at Billboard's Women In Music event Thursday (Dec. 6).

During her speech for the Rule Breaker award, singer-songwriter recalled today's climate, asking her peers and those watching at home for a little bit of peace.

"I'm sorry for the state of the world honestly, for everybody in this room and I pray that all of us just get through it a little bit easier and just try not to lash out at each other," she said.

The recurring theme of unity among women was also heard on the carpet from artists like Tierra Whack. In addition to her message of love, the "Broken Clocks" singer also thanked her TDE family for rocking with her creative process.

"I'm just so thankful for everybody having patience with me, " she said. Shouting out the key members of her family in attendance, the TDE affiliate gave praise to her mother, father, and grandma. In this brief speech centered around the artist's growth Solána Imani Rowe, known more commonly as her stage name, Rowe everyone for their trust in her.

"I'm grateful for everybody taking the time to have the patience to watch someone grow, it is painful and sometimes exciting but mostly boring. And I am thankful for Top (Top Dawg Entertainment's Anthony Tiffith) for not dropping me from that label. For Peter, who I change my ideas every day and he be like okay I like this," she continued.

Thanking the likes of musical powerhouses like Alicia Keys and Whack, "The Weekend" singer offered her appreciation and condolences to Ariana Grande.

As November comes to a close, many publications will be crafting their year-end lists for all things pop culture. Forbes released a ranking of the world's highest-paid women in music on Monday (Nov. 19), with Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez, and Rihanna holding it down for women of color.

Beyoncé comes in at No. 3 on the list with an earning of $60 million as she made most of her money through her historical Coachella performance, the joint album with husband JAY-Z, Everything is Love, and the Carters' On The Run II Tour in support of its release.

Jennifer Lopez made No. 6 for earnings tallying of over $47 million thanks to her lucrative Las Vegas residency, endorsements, and shows including World of Dance where she serves as a judge.

Rihanna follows behind the "Love Don't Cost A Thing" diva at No. 7 with earnings of over $37.5 million. Although she hasn't toured since 2016—thanks to her cosmetics and lingerie lines, Fenty Beauty and Savage Lingerie—the Bajan pop star has been keeping herself busy.

Forbes' annual list (which factors in pretax earnings from June 1, 2017, through June 1, 2018) has placed Katy Perry at the top with over $83 million in profits due to her gig as an American Idol judge and her 80-date Witness: The Tour that brought in an estimated $1 million per night.

Kelly Rowland has it all and isn't afraid to brag about it on her new single, "Kelly."

Released Thursday (Nov. 22), the singer goes the clubby, confident route while rightfully dropping her attributes like her relationship with God, smoldering looks (a.k.a the drip) among other things. With "Kelly" being the first single since her 2013's Talk a Good Game, the singer comes out swinging, reminding everyone of her power in the game.

The mother of one has promised that her new tunes will be edgier and most honest than her past work that included vulnerable tracks like "Dirty Laundry" and massive hits like "Motivation" and "Commander." Speaking with Vogue over the summer, Ms. Kelly disclosed a few details behind the album.

“It’s about love, loss, and gain and whether it’s professional or with family or whatever, it’s just honest," she said. "I had no choice but to be honest and authentic with this record: it’s about friendship and marriage.”

She also explained a drop in confidence caused her hiatus. “I was thinking about pulling back from recording, but I couldn’t help myself: I still wanted to record. I still felt like I was missing something. The third year just came and left so fast. The fourth year I said: ‘I have to get to work’ and now I’m ready to release some music! I felt like I wasted so much time, and it was my husband who actually called me out on it. He said: ‘Babe, as great as those records were, I think you were nervous, you got gun-shy’, and when he said that it was like boom, a gong went off.”

Glad to have you back, Ms. Kelly. Listen to the eponymous record up top.