Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Do you know about this movie "Fast Sofa" (ps, totally the name of our new band--Jewelry's side project)?????????I was doing some Bijou-trolling and found THIS:

Movie description After his Los apartment is robbed, selfish hedonist Rick (Jake Busey) flies off the handle and leaves behind his loyal girlfriend Tamara (Natasha Lyonne) and his best friend Jack (Adam Goldberg) in favor of a hedonistic road trip. He begins in Los Angeles, where he acquires a sidekick in the more reserved Jules (Crispin Glover). In Palm Springs, he has spends a brief, educational experience with his favorite porn star, Ginger (Jennifer Tilly). Through various intoxicating beverages and substances, Rick and Jules learn a little bit about themselves, their lives, and each other. Based on the 1993 novel by Bruce Craven, who co-wrote the screenplay.

Supposedly Bij is in this too WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Major TV binge yesterday cos I've been sick as a butt. #1) I don't know why I'm sort of sad that Brittany Murphy died. Maybe its because we are the only two people on earth with that name over the age of two. I mean, her character in Clueless was unbearable(though her first scene she is wearing a shirt with a troll on it). Her character in Girl, Interrupted was even worse, but then again Girl, Interrupted is the best worst movie ever made, so she did a good job in that...whatever, I don't care about her acting. I care about the fact that she had full blown facial reconstructive surgery for no apparent reason, was obviously a total drug-dog, had that psychotic relationship with Ashton Kutcher, and then MARRIED some bloat-hog British con artist!!!!!!!! She is the reason I am so obsessed with LA.ALSO. Is it acceptable AT ALL to offer condolences for someone's death via fucking TWITTER??? Am i the only person alive that finds that repulsive, degrading, and classless? My favorite part about it is that these fucktards can't even muster up the decorum to NOT use that gay shorthand 'lol' shit, like "OMG SOOOO sad :( RIP angl u r missed" FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!Kathy Najimy tweeted, “wrked w/& knew Brittany 4 14 years (& plyed her mom once as well) sweetst most talnted angel who got hked up w/ wrng people. we love u brit. so sad this is truly a waste. feeling regret we didnt’ do more. i love you so much Brittany and always will.”

Mena Suvari tweeted, “I’m just sooo devastated now☹. Found out Brittany Murphy died earlier this morning & I’m shocked. We worked together & I knew her for yrs. She was an amazing person, an amazing actress & so full of life. I ALWAYS admired her in SO many ways. May you rest in peace…”

ANYWAY.I was watching that show "Tough Love" (last season was better). Some idiot was FREAKING out cos the guy they hooked her up with is jewish. Like being a real asshole about it. I personally don't get it. I think Jews are hot. I'm embarrassed to admit that I think Adam Goldberg is hot not cos he's jewish, but because he's a blowhard. I also have a crush on that jew that is in EVERYTHING, he is in Harold and Kumar, Slums of Beverly Hills, I don't know what else. People have told me he's on some show called Numbers, but that doesn't sound like my style. Saw the saddest Intervention ever. It was a DEEP nerd with diabetes, and that was what the intervention was for, him not taking care of his diabetes. The kid wasn't even ON DRUGS dude! He lived with his very nice parents in a super cool santa fe-eian paradise. I was crying through the entire episode. He was just a nerd. No one came to his birthday party. Then he was going to meet some bros from work for dinner, which he called "a real to-do"--his calling it that broke my heart into about 80 million pieces which have since been slowly floating toward my feet like deflated pop-rocks, if that makes any sense--and none of them showed up so he ate alone!!!!!!!! Twist the fucking knife man! Here's some lemon juice, just spray it on there, what the fuck ever. What the fuck ever.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Fuck that hilarious shit MJ said about David Blaine's magic being real. Yes, it is funny, DUH. It was MORE funny when MJ called Tommy Matola "very bad, and very devilish". Being called "devilish" is amazing, and makes me hungry cos its a cross between "devil" and "delicious", which is obviously a ref to the caviar of the midwest: deviled eggs. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED!ANYWAY. I have been obsessed with David Blaine since BEFORE the pussy-posse (to novices: the Pussy Posse is David Blaine, Tobey Maguire, Leo Dicaprio, and Harmony Korine. Jesus walks, right?) and I am fully bugging out (sorry, theres just no other way to say it!) that this amazing photo of ALL of them is not on Google--its them chilling in a hotel room in kimonos, yes you heard me right. Thank effing G I long ago printed out a pic of it, which note to self: FIND IMMEDIATELY AND GET BACK-PIECE TAT OF!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY! Davis Blaine is possibly the most more human than human person who has ever lived! I want a DB/Fiona Apple transcribed convo! I want a sex tape. I want a 2 hour long drunken session with him. I want to know, dude, what is your deal??? I want to know why you abandoned your insane DIY street magic for standing on an ice cube with no food for 60 days (boring). I want you to rub my temples and recite Germs lyrics to me while I drift to sleep in a room at the Gramercy Park hotel. I want you to give me Bijou's cell phone number so I can call her!!!!!!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Anyone who has, can, or will watch this video and feel like life has meaning is a friend of mine.

Anyway. You know that show Hoarders? No its not about me. Yeah. Well I was just watching that shit and they pulled out a dead cat that was flat as a board and had an expression on its face of utter screaming terror. Its the face I would make if I were forced to live in a windowless room with nothing in it for eternity with Jennifer Love Hewitt. I've been really into TV (I was going to say "lately" but thats a joke of all time) even though I don't get to watch much of it. Million Dollar Listing is EASILY my most fav shit on right now. The Ad Rock one has my same belt and sunglasses. I'm nothing less than obsessed with all of his coordinating ostrich-skin Hermes desk accessories (including Kleenex box! So manly) and gorgeous wallpaper. He's like 22 and his whole deal is that he lives in the same building in Bev Hills as his grandmother, and OBVIOUSLY rips her style to no end. They both fake this old-money Park Ave vibe but they live in Beverly Hills! Trashy! I could live in Beverly Hills dude, me. You are not rich. But I love you anyway! Everybody (okay, everybody online that have blogs about the same awesome topics as me) hates the Mike D one because he's the most ridiculous one, but fuck that, homeboy is definitly more human than human. Yeah, his hair sucks. So does yours. Hair in general sucks, its disgusting. Thanks for just growing for no apparent reason out of my fucking armpits and crotch, really cool. Looks great, so necessary. ANYWAY. Chad rules and if you can't deal with it maybe you should take a look at the man in the mirror cos as far as I'm concerned anyone who hates Chad Rodgers just hates themselves. I love how he talks. He listens to every word he says as he's saying it, which is a sonic mindfuck. Its like when you record some cassette tape of fake commercials with your friends when yr like 6. He talks in that voice, all the time. And those words he so obsesses over so carefully come out of thin, purple lips. Kool Aide moustache club in the house. The MCA of the group just came out of the closet and is boring mostly cos he's so reasonable.