Not Scary Monsters

[photogallerylink id=104619 align=left]A movie monster can be big or small, human or non-human, alive or dead, even visible or invisible, but most of all, it must be scary. The following creature features failed in this crucial aspect:

Reptilicus. A puppet could be frightening but not with visible strings and clumsy movements like the star of this rare nordic monster movie. A panicky moveable bridge master provides the creepiest moment.

The Giant Claw. Another marionette monster that somehow escaped pre-production.

The monster in “It Conquered the World”. It didn’t and even if it did, the enslaved would laugh. Immortalized by [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Frank Zappa[/lastfm] in the song “Cheepnis”. A better movie than the creature.

Godzilla. Along with Mothra, Rodan, Gamera, et al. Actors in a suit are almost never scary. The best examples of this type of flick are relatively low monster count efforts like The Mysterians and Battle in Outer Space.

Any monster that appears with Abbott and Costello. The comedic duo is like garlic on the vampire of terror.

The “giant” rear projected real grasshoppers in the Beginning of the End. The joys of seeing Chicago overrun by bugs ruined by a scene that features tiny insects crawling on a picture of the Wrigley Building.

Earth vs the Spider. Most of the earth sat out this battle despite the title and tarantulas are timid gentle creatures that avoid teenagers.