Monday, July 5, 2010

" I Hate Dumb Storys'!!

Guys, I am off to one of my favourite destinations - Sri Lanka. Galle Literary Festival is one of the top rated Lit Fests of the World. I have been invited by the organisers for readings and book signings. Looking forward to meeting old friends and making new ones. And who knows - I may run into the newly weds - Dhoni and Sakshi - while I am there! Our Boys in Blue will be in Sri Lanka from the 9th onwards. India's most eligible bachelor is a shaadi shuda man now!

****************

This appeared in Bombay Times...

" I Hate Dumb Storys……"

It started with the annoying misspelling. Come on, guys, we know the trendy sms, twitter and any other shorthand du jour. We do realize nobody has the time to spell out anything anymore – literally and metaphorically. But this sort of a distortion doesn’t make for ‘cute’. However , it does prepare the audience for what is to come - terminal boredom. This is assured right from the first few scenes, filled with dull voiceovers of the protagonists as they drone on and on about their respective attitudes to love – sorry – ‘luv’. The guy with a droopy-loopy grin doesn’t believe in such mush, the girl with a white plastic flower, does. Both work for a hysterical movie director, whose character, nudge-nudge,is based on Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s. Once the premise is clumsily and unconvincingly established, the movie meanders off in many disconnected directions, with sub-plots that don’t go anywhere. You’re probably saying, “ That’s okay. Since when do Bollywood films follow logic?” I am fine with the idiocy of most Bollywood products – in fact, the only reason for watching hyped up commercial films ( at hefty multiplex prices), is to come away gasping at the absurdity of the content. But there is generally one important criterion at play – entertainment. Make the rubbish entertaining. Let the people feel they have got their money’s worth. At least the music should rock! Especially when the movie features two big ticket popcorn stars and involves a prestigious production house. What an absolute waste casting Imran Khan and Sonam Kapoor in this utterly dull, total dud of a movie which is more a wonky tribute to Karan Johar’s earlier films, songs and screen pairings. After a point, all those ‘in’ jokes and references start bugging the viewer, particularly a replay of his popular songs as background scores and an embarrassingly gauche recreation of iconic scenes , like the ‘kuch kuch hota hai’ dialogue between Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol. Come on guys, are you that desperate for original ideas that you have to pack so many reels of a contemporary film with such obvious take- offs ? This isn’t clever tongue-in-cheek stuff. It’s plain unimaginative. In any case, most movies which try and follow the ‘movie-within-a-movie’ formula, generally fall flat on their faces. Only filmwallas get the context and laugh at all the insider stuff. The last time such a formula actually worked, was in ‘Rangeela’, especially that on screen dig at Sridevi and her ‘mummy’. It is a wonder Karan actually approved the script of such an excruciatingly pointless film which,post-interval, suddenly takes off for New Zealand. Why? By then it doesn’t really matter. Those guys could be on the moon. By the time the key ‘turning point’ arrives,that has Imran (Raj), phoning his mummyji ( Anju Mahendru in a terrible wig) and howling over the phone, one is ready to shake up this bloke called Punit Malhotra ( chief villain) and spank him in public. As for Sonam, the lassie lacks oomph, even if she does have a great smile and can act. Oh… and Imran should definitely keep his shirt on… if he doesn’t want the audience to lose theirs. ****************Why do we insist on referring to poor Viveka Babajee as a‘Supermodel’? Let’s face it, India has yet to produce a ‘Supermodel’. Not a single one of our models, past or present, falls into that category. Where is our Naomi Campbell? Kate Moss? Claudia Schiffer? Gisele Bunchen? Cindy Crawford? Christy Turlington? These are names recognized by the fashion community the world over. They dominated international catwalks and ad campaigns for over two decades, and captured the imagination of the celeb brigade on a mega level by becoming the absolute darlings of the paparazzi. Compare their success with what passes for it here – we happily throw a few names around, names like Mehr Jessia, Madhu Sapre, Ujjwala Raut etc. These girls made it reasonably big in India, and someone like Ujjwala was a fairly successful model abroad. That’s it. Even within India, chances of anybody outside the glam world recognizing these ladies by face or name, are pretty remote. Modeling in India remains a niche, fringe profession without a mass base. So let’s drop this nonsense of calling every other girl who has walked the ramp more than twenty times, a ‘Supermodel’. As for Viveka, are we really so hard up for ‘news’ about her tragic death, that we end up interviewing her 20 year-old maid ? I am sure Viveka must have been a pretty super person, but let’s not overdo the ‘Supermodel’ bit. I hope the lovely girl from Satara has finally found the peace that eluded her when she was alive trying to make it in big ,bad and mad Mumbai.

shobha is spot-on with her review. karar johar is on his way to ruin his reputation. IHLS is crappier than Kites. I wonder why these actors (e.g., sonam kapoor)/directors try to experiment on audience without learning the basics of the trade.

It seems that you decided to dislike this movie and then tried to rip it apart. Come on. You sort of liked Pyaar Impossible. You praised MNIK to the skies? and loved RNBDJ where the wife could not recognise her own husband not once but umpteen times.And the supermodel bit. We go overboard. You are called a novelist. Ash is called an international star. A.R. Rehman concerts abroad are mostly filled with desis. Every year, there is a new crossover film which fails to really crossover inspite of buying all the foreign reviewers to give rave reviews. We have one goodlooking guy in Hrithik and we forget there are better looking dudes all over LA. This movie is for teens and adoloscents. You are in the wrong age group bracket.

Iam totally against the comments of this some Teju and Good luck...You guys...dont ever attempt again sentences like"try meditation" and old enough and dont fall into the age group and stuff.

Shobhaa, You are so right...whats wrong with our filmmakers?If not logic, atleast dont make it boring and so dumb...There seems to be huge lack of intelligence in the formation of scripts in most of the movies i recently saw..Looks like we can all jump into filmmkaing now..Your writing rocks as usual..cheers..

The movie in a true sense what is called 'sucks'. In the past I of course disagreed with Sobhaa on many occasions, but this time I think she is bang on. I'm in my early 30s and the man I went out to watch the movie was in his late 20s. I don't know whether our ages fall in the target audience's, none of us could not stand the over-the-top storyline, mushy dialog and, over and above, the presentation of dull cliches passed for something cool. I think the teenagers would also find it boring to the hilt.

Sonam Kapoor is pretty much of a junk. This is my warning message to the future producers. Sonam Kapoor for a short while kept a twitter message, which meant something like, "Do not take seriously what Shobaa De wrote about the movie as she has become a fossil with her growing age after her menopause."

I wonder what kind of a family does she come from to have indulged in expression of such personal malice and abuses? A friend of mine just opined that this bitch from the Kapoor family would go a long way in her career in the industry because she looked prepared to get laid and, even,gangbanged by the producers and the directors, if need be, to grab roles in movies. Good luck Ms. Sonam Kapoor.

And this is my first movie in a theater for 2010( last i saw was Kaminey) and i havent recovered from the shock. Why on earth did i waste my 3 hours+driving+interval....Sad.I would have dont so much.I would have gone for toy story-3 :(

Happy journey !yet to watch the movie so cant comment on that.sonam kapoor is ok i dont think much of her , sometime back she had made some comments about you i did not like that.yes she does not have the oomph !i liked your view point on "supermodel" i agree (bcoz you have stated facts)and you have been a model so i know you know better about the modelling field.

i have started feeling bad for you. Why d u even go and watch these movies. trust me we dont read you for these reviews...we will continue to read if you have some other material. i have a felling you are too intelligent for all this stuff.as far as sonam, damn her comments did have an effect on you huh?i mean you arw a bitch to deepika still, but u have softened on sonam. are u scared of her. i mean i have never heard anyone say she is a good actress, i dont have to wtch her movies to tell you shes pathetic. Her personality is a turn off.

@ Mimi Sen, "A friend of mine just opined that this bitch from the Kapoor family would go a long way in her career in the industry because she looked prepared to get laid and, even,gangbanged by the producers and the directors, if need be, to grab roles in movies."I don't know what kind of a family Sonam Kapoor comes from. But your language shows what kind of a family you come from.

I dont know what she said about you but she isn't that bad. I mean atleast she doesn't have that static expression on her face like Deepika has! Beyond beauty, she knows how to express an emotion. I wont say she's the best actress or someone who might get offended for, but if we see the trend, no actress is really consistent and brilliant acting-wise! The ones we had like Rani,Priety have been bumped off like anything!

And the movie was a light film..but I agree the storyline was nothing extra-ordinary! That way, even Jaane tu lacked a fresh storyline, right??

Sonam Kapoor bcame the eye candy she was supposed to and Imran tried to use his tweezed eyebrows as best as he could. But acting - neither did. Story - there was none and laughs pretty few. I totally second ur review - atleast it shud hv bn entertaining rubbish!

Chill Chill !!Your such idiotic write-ups will not affect any one and next time onwards better keep an editor for yourself. Imran didn't played Raj, he was Jay Dhingra.BTW are you getting paid for all this !! I won't be surprised for a 'YES'.

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Ms. De, I completely agree w/ your article. The movie lacks pretty much everything. Sonam surely cannot act. She's worst of all actresses till date [acting wise]. Infact, she claims to be Diva only because of her surname. I remember while promoting Dilli-6, she addressed Ash as Ash aunty only because she was trying to be 'hip'... HIP, com'on?? she acted w/ AB jr. that makes him uncle, right? Oh well, she's flying high these days w/ that curvy figure which actually gave her a very full look. Its so easy to make out that she went on hardcore diet to get to that shape. Pathetic...

Sonam and Punit I credited for more maturity before this incident. Crappy manners.

Well I guess when people say such things, its for the world to see and judge. And honestly after all that I heard and read...I was amazed when I found nothing even remotely offensive or personal in this review.

If the CREW that creates the film is the best judge, why even bother to release the film in theaters. Why not have a Limited DVD Release and distribute it to friends and relatives !!

Aren't films for the junta anymore??

I'm so sorry that people our generation can be this disrespectful to elders. Like Gandhiji says 'Lets pray for their good health'. :P

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i do agree some way in your thoughts over this movie but i would like to question if you would like to answer me that what kind of contemporary movies do we should expect which contains a sensible script and over all the people are not influenced by the box office results rather than watching to something actually good movie.i would like to ask you about "wake up sid" movie that came last year..i just wanted to know that is this kind of movie is worth it for those section of group coz i felt the direction as well as he screen play of the movie wake up sid nice and also i same feel for the i hate luv storys..

Strongly disagree. its not that bad. infact it is one of the much better romcom movies i saw recently. its easy on the eyes, mind and heart. agreed the imran crying scene could have been avoided and little drag in the second half, but worth a watch.

this ugly twat sonam is in the movies coz of her dad. get out if u can't take criticism sonam and flopunit malhotra. Ms.De I have one grouse with your review - sonam CANNOT act. her wide mouth and hooked nose remind me of the sloth in that ice age movie...no offence to the sloth. if she could act, that would have been a redeeming factor. she's thin, has a buncha nice clothes is all - no class.

i completely agree with your review, except for the part that sonam kapoor can act.the girl most definitely kills it with her sartorial sense, but a style icon does not a good actress make.also their remarks on twitter were totally uncalled for,karan johar should only trust his more able protoge's like ayan mukherjee when it comes to directing movies, and mr. malhotra should probably join his uncle's clothing empire instead,just a suggestion!

Ok - seriously u've gotta have some rationale in your reviews. Or just plain say you hate person A - and you are trashing him/her.

1) Music for I hate luv story - more than rocks Bin Tere - is beautifully sung well written well composed - Shafaqat Amanat Ali and Sunidhi have done an amazing job and it has a clear impact in the movie. Bin Tere reprise is even better. Beautiful soulful guitar piece. You've got to go north of the pubic De - thats where the heart resides!! Bahara is amazing too - Shreya Ghoshal has put in wonderful expressions in the song - the lyrics are lovely and her voice rocks

so consider getting a hearing aid.

Lastly if you say Sonam Kapoor can act - then I don't see how u can say Deepika can't (love aaj kal review)

alas, mz de. you got taken in by kjohar25's twittertweets. "7cr on saturday and 7.5cr on sunday! yay!!" i thought that lead actors were paid twice that much for their roles! to gain something, you have to lose something: so, you lost 3 hours to gain some wisdom. good trade. and are you aware that your posts are attracting comments from people who have this gift for profanity? delete! delete! please.

Not only the story of the movie is haggard but the acting of the two is low standard too. Your review conincides with my opinion. KJO has become a stupid fellow who has lost all his intelligence thanks to SRK!

the moment i saw the promos of "i hate luv stories" i knew i would be stupid. no body hates love stories...we all love them!!!.it just depends on how you sell them ..present them...better way of putting it. and talking about supermodels india is still not all that big on the fashion front to get all that hype for their models ....however this doesnt mean that our girls are not that pretty ...look at deepika padukone, indrani das gupta..and jesse randhawa!!

Looks like you went into the theatre wanting to hate it right from the title cards. From your previous columns and interviews it is well known that you do not like either Imran or Sonam and I did not see any of your chamchas here raising a stink when you eprsonally attacked them. Talk about hypocrisy. Anyway as someone rightly mentioned if you can call yourself an author/writer/novelist then surely Deepika and others are Supermodels. And I totally agree with the person who said it "You are in the wrong age group bracket."

P.S : I personally didn't like the movie but couldn't help reacting to your biased review.

I think Sonam Kapoor has a hatred towards old people.In TERE MERE BEECH MEIN star plus prgrm which Farha Khan hosts she was telling that TOM CRUISE has gone old n she doesnt like him because he s old.That is the attitude of young generation.they dont like old ppl.But they donno they also will become old.

Sonam called Aishwarys Aunty.I donno why she is so prideful .Pride has a fall.Sonam simply gives the plastik smile always and she feels her dad is the only superstar of india.But she should leran a lot from the humility of Abhishek Bachan and oter star kids.Sonam is notrhing but a beginner.She will nevr make up to the top.Even if she lie with many directors and producers.( as someone commented)Very arrogant and looking like a perfect witch she is.

Sonam should be renamed "so numb"... or better, so does the expressionless mukhda of Amir ka chaand ka tukda... Imran Khan.

I would say.. the pairing is superb... they complement each other in a bad way.

It seems Maamu Aamir also went public about his disinterest in Mr. Bushy Brow's film. Wallah! that is like super masala story... Wonder why it dint hit headlines. It makes such a sexy glossy story... nothing more orgasmic a read than family feud..

Regarding the spelling.. wallah.. seriously it "sux". LOL. But if reuters can do this pun gochie , then punit ko toh maaf kar sakte hai... (read this http://ow.ly/28wjK )

And Sonam and Punit need to grow up. Hope they graduate from their kindergarten thoughts. Seriously.

They should have teh maturity to understand that any film is open for interpretation and you as an audience have the right to say whatever you feel about the film.

This comment:

"Sonam Kapoor: "RT @punitdmalhotra: Guys pls don't take Shobha De seriuosly. She's a fossil who's getting no action and going through menopause. So just for her...""

really appalled me. forget the film and the fact that you are a known name. Is this how you treat a viewer who opines that the film is bad?

the sonam and the punit should give up thumb sucking and grow up! How i wish sonam had just 1/2 the maturity that her genes could boast off... or did she get misplaced in the maternity hospital???? Aiyyo! whattttt isssss.....

Shobhaa...congrats. You have launched a pretty hate campaign against Sonam K like how you did with srk.People here have forgotten your comments about the upcoming Sonam long back that she is not 'sexy'. She might have reacted for that !Yes, she is the only one to look like a girl next door who wouldn't sleep with anyone (needn't - looking at her background. She is not a nobody from nowhere to show her body like your favs Mallika Sherawat, Bipasha Basu etc)to get a role. No much skin shows. So you don't like her.You want movies like SATC to work in India.And look what you have done to Raavan ?Even if people want to appreciate movies made in a mega scale with hard labor by a million workers for years, they can be sent to trash cans 'cause somebody didn't like the stars in it. No skin shows. Not sexy. Not at all like SATC. Far from it.Good. Keep up the good work of designing a new Indian culture to your liking. SATC culture. Kudos.

No boring film can become a hit or even a semi hit.Imran's popularity has actually increased. Even a so called expressionless hero can have popularity. What worked in the film's favour is its low cost and the rawness of the already famous actors. People sometimes love to watch stars with all the pimples and acne without pretentious acting. This film obviously does not call for histrionics like Mother India or Garm Hawa.Call it a silly film made hit by silly people. But it worked like like Badmash Company which was castigated by critics.Many of your admirers were angry at the language used by Sri Sri supporters including me. But what about the language and sentences being used by your admirers against Sonam? No one is minding it. Double standards?I agree that Sonam should not have used such language. There are 2 options. Either ignore it or retaliate. The exchange could have been actually interesting upto some point. When one throws mud either in the guise of reviewing a film or hurts someone, one must be prepared for the backlash. Let there be witty repartees and no dirty mudslinging. Age is a factor whether we take it positively or negatively. What comes out is the new face of younger generation which does not care whether it is Obama or Mother Teresa.There are no holy cows in today's world.

Just like some fools call you a successful writer some fools call Viveka a supermodel.Bragging about places you visit and criticising everything does not make a good writer....I respected you quite a bit earlier.But you seem to be going overboard now with all the criticism and showing off your priviliged background.Time to cut some slack.

I totally agree with the fact that the movie was utter boring. I watched it after seeing the promos and hoped it to be entertaining. Sonam and Imran are really a fresh pair to watch despite their poor acting, but the script was so bad, I just cant understand the sqeezing in of the old movie parts. It was not at all entertaining, but rather iritating.

I was also bored while watching the movie..a completely karan johar obsessed tale..everything is quite predictable n movie cldnt bring any excitement. Sonam's makeup was a disaster..over bleach on her forehead which is very much visible in many shots. Imran cld hav performed better. all in all I hated I hate luv stories

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what a review im impressed...no one can state the condition of B00-Wood better than her...all other critics are sypathising for this crap movie...heres a standout critic...please continue to review movies

Ms De.. as u have the freedom to express your opinion, so does any actor, politician etc... tit for tat. you slam them & they have every right to slam you.. you praise them and they praise you. whats wrong with you ? thought you were more mature than this. .. Disappointing..I am not a IHLS "fan" posting this comment.. just a reader. Btw the film had not "Tanked", its already recovered money that was put in to make it. Check the trade papers before writing. Ps: these kind of films are meant for teenagers. Pls dont watch them as u will never be able to connect with them. I am 40yrs old and didnt know what 'fugly' meant til my daughter told me... come on .. act your age and like a fellow commenter has advised " take up meditation" & accept yr age.

Lols its really dumb n not worth wasting 200 for a multiplex tickets. Besides, Sonam is too plastic for effects! And no one wants a copy of Aamir khan when when the original himself is around and doing so well :)

I Hate Luv Storys sucks – it’s a khichdi of all Yash-Dharma films – its Mills & Boons woman meets Harry Potter child-man. Blech, we’ve had enough from their stables. You put a Sonam with an Imran, you don’t make Iron Man, do you?

‘Imran has to lose the I-am-Sanjay-Dutt-body-double walk!’

'He is so stiff, dialogue delivery so stilted, like he's got a reed stuck in his throat'.

I watched the film on the first day itself and found it boring and repetitive. The director could have done well to reduce its length. At least that way the viewer wouldn’t have left the theatre with a “draaaag” in his mind about the film.

The film story can be summarised in a couple of sentences. However, the screenplay relied a lot on clichés and iconic scenes from Karan Johar’s previous films. This was the irritating part really! The premise was loose – what with the girl misunderstanding a guy’s genuine gentlemanly behaviour towards them to be love. Having said that, the acting was honest and watching the plot unfold, I can see that this sort of thing is a common place in today’s world.

Now to the tweeting controversy et al. – let’s just say kids are kids and will behave like them. However, they have their parents/uncles/godfathers etc. to set them right and put them in their place. And from what we know this has already been done! And then for Shobhaa De to pile it on and point fingers to their upbringing and breeding shows 2 things: that she was really hurt and that she went down to their level. And we all know where this leads to...more fist/cat fights!

Talking about things in a way to exhibit your panache, class and whatever that goes with it and then to make sniding comments about others’ families just brings you down to “pathetically low levels” as you put it, Ms De. You should have just kept your mouth shut. That would have shown your class! As for the kids, experience in the industry and some possible flops would have likely brought them down to earth and made them humble! Now they will be looking at the next opportunity to give it back to you!

hahahaha look who is reviewing the movie..i thought they had a board outside the theaters.... Senior Citizens and shobha de not allowed.. :) please dont even try to understand the movie.. you will not be able to. .. Never. .. so your post .. a big #FAIL ....

Ok,So I just had to comment on this blog post. With all due respect,I do realise everyone is entitled to their own opinion and so are you. But I also do know that it's one thing being honest,unprejudiced and unbiased but it's a totally different thing being crass. I'm sure you're aware of something that is known as 'constructive criticism' and that does no one any harm. There's always a way to write things and no, I'm not asking you to be a hypocrite, I'm just saying that be honest diplomatically. People are always willing to take criticism if said in the right way.About the review, I have to say I fall into the category of people that actually loved the movie for exactly what it was.Simple. No complicated story,no fake dialogues..perfectly natural and each character played their part brilliantly. And doesn't being a film critic also mean that you would need to critic about music, direction, cinematography,screenplay, dialogues?!I was just wondering since there was absolutely no mention of any of this in your review.About the misspelling..It's not a misspelling, it's how it was meant to be! It's what this generation defines as 'cool lingo'. And the movie title being the way it was was perfectly 'cool'.That said,it's not like this generation has actually forgotten 'English', as it was and is. This movie was made with the idea of how things are with 'this generation' which is extremely different from how things were generations before..It's what is known as 'Change' and it's something everyone one needs to accept since it is inevitable. So understanding may not be necessary, just appreciation would be fine. Appreciation for that fact that maybe that's how it is with the current generation :).Lastly, I meant no harm to your sentiments but as I would say "If you can critique someone's work then you must be able to take criticism to your work sportingly" :)

Ms. De, why do all films have to be great cinema? Of course, IHLS is not great cinema but it was fun all the way... we have such a goddamn serious lives around us all the time.... so what's wrong in spending some light moments with a film like this? I found the film breezy, funny in parts and good entertainment. Guys --let Shobha be... go and watch this!

Great Post mortem of "I hate luv stories". In fact I was on look out for some body with whom I could share my views. Today I came across a new item saying Sonam has apologized for rude behavior, then it occurred to me to write comments on your blog. I will call the movie a fluke hit. A hit not by content but "marketing". I feel robbed after watching the movie, both of my money and my precious time. Kudos to you for calling a spade a spade.RegardsNaveen

I totally agree with you review. its spot on. i felt something in my mind after watching this. some voice told me " stick to hollywood, french, korean movies " Never watch a hindi movie if it is from the stables of karan johar. i liked dostana. even though it was stupid, it was entertaining and fun to watch. I hope indian love stories get some reality in future. this was a terrible movie.

Watch the movie and don't get too personal with Mrs De or Sonam. It is very easy to comment than actual perform. It is not neccessary that every film be a super hit. If you like it, say so. If you don't like it, just shut the fuck up. Let others watch and it is upto them if they like it or not.

Mrs. De ur review is awesome and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. IHLS is one of the worst movies I have ever watched in my life. Seriously contemplated to leave in the middle however watched the movie bcoz of my GF.

true..bad movie..worse direction...hardly any acting required..music was a saving grace but then..again.but then it really din't matter..the utter lack of good content left you so frustrated that even the soothing music cudn't save you from abusing yourself for spending RS.200 on such a crappy film..cmon' guys..show some sense on screen...

just love d way u write......with so bold a pen that everything comes so real....wonder if i d evr be able to meet u....have read oll ur books...not for the stories(which r poori filmi) but for the conversational style u write in...at ur age u still relate to a college goer...amazing...what keeps u going??cannot be books.....as there is certainly sthg that keeps the books going??

You are a desperate old geezer who uses Bollywood to get a second glance. Making caustic remarks about folks in Bollywood is such a pathetic thing for you do. By the way, period marks need to be tucked within quote marks.

How about reading the Chicago Manual of Style, Miss Write, rather than using your waning brains on geezer chatter?

I congratulate you on your beautiful blog that makes absolutely no sense and proving yourself as a complete retard time and again. Your "cool" Hinglish vocab isn't really everyone's thing. Talking about a movie that was a disaster after it has been released is a NO BRAINER.

Reviewing random stuff just to vent your frustration against someone passively is not called journalism but a completely awesome hindi word you must be very familiar with called "Chootiya"

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