My TV Addiction

By Mark Payne· On January 9, 2016 ·Photography by
Benkt van Haastrecht

For as long as I can remember, I have always watched a lot of TV. It was something I could do with my dad, usually watching sport, and because Dad wasn’t able to give us much attention – simply because he didn’t know how to at the time, – it was one of the few activities we were able to do together.

So began my life of watching TV – a lot of sport, movies, sitcoms – anything! It worked beautifully with my pattern of checking out from the world … and as I got older, TV, along with alcohol and various other drugs were used. Looking back I can feel how TV watching increased my anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing, doing just enough to get by.

This pattern of numbing myself and numbing my awareness lasted a long time. I was 40 years old before I finally gave up drugs; I gave up alcohol about 5 years after that, but TV endured until just recently. Although I have felt the effects of scanning through the channels, looking for anything to watch, hours spent watching sport and re-runs of comedies from 20 years ago, it took a weekend of way too much TV to make the firm decision to give it away and find out what I might achieve without it.

When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.

I called these effects the T.V.‘D’s; I wrote them on a ‘post it’ note, which eventually got stuck to the TV.

The T.V.‘D’s are as follows:

Drains my energy – we function on energy, and time spent in front of the TV is stimulating to the mind, which then makes getting to sleep difficult. The consequence of this for me was that I was still tired when I got out of bed the next morning. If I stayed up late, it was usually because I was watching TV, so that also meant I would be tired the next day.

De-motivates me – this one is self-explanatory: when watching TV, not much else gets done. I would do a bit of work, tell myself I’m tired and need a break, sit/lay down and watch TV, then whatever I had planned to do after that was ‘forgotten’ and left for another day. On occasions I would have a trip planned for work but get caught up watching TV, resulting in me cancelling the trip. This was followed with lies and untruths about why my trip was cancelled and my services were to be delayed. This procrastination sometimes caused a whole series of events where I put myself under pressure and stress, which then increased my level of anxiety.

Dulls awareness & understanding – while watching TV, it was easy to override the awareness of how tired I really was. Usually I start to get physically tired around 7.30 pm, but if I was watching TV I couldn’t feel that and therefore I would stay up way past my bedtime, a very naughty boy! It is also a very effective way to numb something I don’t want to feel. Eating while watching TV was the most effective form of numbing and distracting myself since I no longer used alcohol and drugs.

Develops anti-social behaviors – on far too many occasions I made the decision to watch TV rather than going out into the world to interact with others. Go to a party or watch a good movie on TV I might have already seen? – TV wins. An opportunity to learn more about love at a presentation by Serge Benhayon or AFL grand final day… tough decision – but TV and the live telecast of the footy wins. Go out tonight, tired from watching TV, so ‘too tired to go out’. You get the picture.

Disastrous for eyes – this one just occurred to me now. When I would watch hours of TV and then go to bed, I could feel the effect on my eyes – they hurt. From what I can tell, all of this TV has diminished my eyesight as I can feel the difference when I watch less or no TV.

It is clear that becoming aware of the T.V.‘D’s a year or so before giving up TV shows the difficulty I have had in deepening the love for myself – that is true. I also know that if I had made myself give up TV before now, then that would have been for some reason other than it being a truth for me. Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.

Since giving up TV I have found I have so much more time to devote to reading and writing. I am getting things done before I need to, getting to bed earlier, getting up earlier and my eyes feel better. I have also noticed how other distractions put their hand up to replace TV… so far I have been able to not take up any new ‘pastimes’. As with other things I have let go of in the past, I know it takes a little time for those thoughts of ‘maybe just one episode of Seinfeld’ or ‘just a half hour, then turn it off’, to diminish, so choices must be made and resolve must be consistent.

Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.

In appreciation of Serge Benhayon, for showing there is another way, not only by what he presents, but also how he lives.

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Living in the beautiful and wet northern rivers of NSW, running 2 small businesses with my jovial friend - we laugh a lot, sometimes inappropriately, no apologies necessary. Aspiring to give way to other drivers more often, the beach is better with dogs, Kookaburras know what it's all about and me too, living a life that once seemed out of reach.

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1,126 Comments

Bernadette Glass says:January 9, 2016 at 6:06 am

Mark I love your open and honest description of your choices and ‘addiction’ to TV and how you made different choices only when you felt the effects for yourself, not because of what others do. This true responsibility! Thank you – a great reflection.

Yes it is very inspiring to read such an honest account of an addiction – because in this case it is TV but you can insert anything really into this as we all have our own. Thank you Mark for sharing this.

Yes, Fiona, for me the addiction was reading. When I was immersed in a book, I did not feel all the things that I was trying to escape from, especially extreme loneliness. I felt that I just did not fit into the world, I always felt different to others. Over the past 9 years, my life has changed so much, having met Serge Benhayon, and taken part in Universal Medicine events and workshops etc., I now know so many other people who actually are just like me. I no longer feel a misfit. Yes, Sarah, we all have our own ‘go to’ addictions that we use to not feel things.

Beverley, I too had a reading addiction, all through my childhood it was how I escaped not wanting to feel what was going on around me or not fitting in. My books became my escape world, I would happily spend hours tucked away in my room lost in that world – in the last 9 years I have stopped the voracious reading I once did (I prided myself on being able to finish a book in 1 / 2 days), and I’ve stopped retreating from life. Reading Mark’s article reminds me that reading in the way I did definitely produced those ‘D’s’ he speaks of and I am far more discerning with how I read now in comparison. I am more connected to life and people and no longer running away from them and I find people amazing and can have connection in the most surprising places; I’ve opened up and learned to embrace the world and myself in it.

Josephine Bell says:January 14, 2016 at 6:49 pm

Yes, reading as an addiction, I know it well Beverly. I spent most of my childhood in a book which I got recognition for in my family but ended up being horribly disconnected from myself. From all those stories I had so many false ideas about life and was very disappointed when life did not fit those story book pictures.

Josephine Bell says:January 14, 2016 at 6:56 pm

As an addition, allowing myself to be taken by the fantasy world contained in the pages of a book made coming back to everyday real life, mundane. I remember not wanting the book to end, when all my choices and feelings would have to be faced again . . . So yes reading is not just a harmless pastime but can be a strong addiction which the whole intellectual world is pleased to ignore.

Vicky Cooke says:January 16, 2016 at 9:08 am

WOW I never considered reading could be an addiction!!!!!!

Willem Plandsoen says:January 17, 2016 at 6:51 am

We all have and had our addictions, I am no exception Beverly. For me it was also reading, especially comics, and building Lego things and model making. All addictions to not feel how abusive our family life was, and inadequate I felt as child to deal with that.

Yes Beverley, as a child reading was my way of escaping but of course it was seen as a good thing to do by my family. It was a very easy way to be away and withdrawn from life but at the same time be filled with ideals and pictures of how life should be. As an adult I further indulged when I was on holiday as I would spend the whole day just reading – this was how I ‘recharged my batteries’. Since meeting Serge Benhayon though I have had no need to read as I did as there is nothing to be escaping from!

Deanne Voysey says:January 18, 2016 at 1:01 pm

To question reading and that it can be done to excess may be sacrilege to some. Very few people would argue excessive T.V. is good for us so to put reading in the same category could hit a nerve. As you say Josephine we give positive recognition for it – children for being ‘a good reader’ and adults for being ‘well read’ but could reading be a way to fly under the radar and escape from life because it is upheld as ‘better’ than television? A fair argument for both T.V. and reading is the quality of the material except we tend to be far more honest about the poor quality of television than the poor quality of what we read.

Shirley-Ann Walters says:January 19, 2016 at 7:58 pm

I never much liked reading as it always reminded me of being encouraged to read as a child and the school connotations but as a teenager I do remember sometimes reading, especially one book over a Christmas time where I could numb out to my own world whist being around my family. In some ways it did at least get me to stop rushing around and be more focused I suppose and nowadays I would like more time to read Serge Benhayons ‘purple books’ as I call them, as a way of connecting rather than numbing out from the world.

Beverley I’m glad that you brought up reading. I used to love reading about people’s experiences with drugs. What I found was that the books that I chose to read got more and more extreme as the ‘hit’ that I was after myself got harder to get from the books and so I had to keep upping the intensity of what I was reading in order to ‘get off’.

Michelle McWaters says:January 21, 2016 at 3:45 pm

Beverley – how interesting that you nominate that your addiction was reading! I was the same. I was an avid reader but because it was presented as a “good” thing educationally to be doing I did not clock that I was checking out with it. I remember as a child being so immersed in a book that I would have to take it to the loo with me, as I literally could not put it down! I certainly used reading as a substitute to connecting with myself and with others and would withdraw, escaping into a world of fictional characters and settings.

Rachel Mascord says:January 22, 2016 at 6:28 am

Books were my refuge too Beverley – I would utterly immerse myself in them. Everything from highbrow literature to trashy novellas were my go-to place when life felt too hard or when my loneliness got to be too much. All of the characters emotions were soaked up by me, like a willing sponge. I would cry at their sorrows, take on their anger….What a salve it was to my own hurts that I did not at the time know how to deal with and preferred not to deal with! There are many socially condoned drugs we use to alleviate the angst of life…

Rachel Mascord says:January 22, 2016 at 6:39 am

I have just read all of the comments about reading and the way we regard it as somehow better than TV. This is such an important point, for we have all described how effective it is at taking us away from life..such a profound distraction creating a second world that we retreat into when the real one is too much. We are rewarded for being “good readers”, celebrated by parents and teachers, although as children our peers were not so impressed.
Deanne’s points are excellent though. Most people still hold reading as superior to television. What it comes down to for me now is the effect. If I feel disengaged from life and disconnected from myself, then what I am doing is a distraction. It then becomes less about what I am doing and the how and why I am doing it.

I spent hours with my head in a book as a child, creating a fantasy and an easy escape from the world around me.

Karin Barea says:January 23, 2016 at 9:57 am

As a young teen I escaped into the world of books, loving fantasy, romance, sci-fi or the safety of crime fiction – anything where I could escape the feelings of emptiness I carried. In reading I felt I wasn’t alone. I craved connection but couldn’t talk with my family so found knowing the fictional character’s thoughts helped me feel less lonely. I’ve followed this same pattern with TV – liking series for the characters alone.

Now it’s about me being honest with myself when I want to reach for a TV series for the company rather than be with myself or phone a real friend.

Lee Green says:January 28, 2016 at 7:10 am

Reading was for me a way to never stop, from always having to turn a page to scanning through pages of words to get the detail, to find the end, it was never a leisurely read merely a goal to get to the end and then move on to something new. Not relaxing at all and interestingly as a young boy I would force myself to finish books or chapters before going to sleep such was the power of the momentum.

Sandra Schneider says:January 28, 2016 at 5:19 pm

Oh yes I know this – the book could not be thick enough and a TV-series could not have enough episodes. I liked to know the characters more and more as they become a part of my life. In fact I liked them more then real people. A real relationship I have to care for, I get reflected and called to account. Challenging. All of this I can hide by choosing ‘relationships’ with fictional persons.
Funny that we are so longing for connection that we -even by trying to avoid the responsible part of a relationship- choosing to be with people, be it though TV or books. In fact we want to be with each other, want true relationships – just that we do often not take the responsibility to bring the change that is needed to have true intimacy.

Sally Scott says:February 3, 2016 at 8:11 pm

Gorgeous Beverley. It is incredible how many of us who retreated from life, using whatever our drug of choice was, are now connecting with so many people and enjoying life by living in it.

Anonymous says:February 3, 2016 at 8:27 pm

Hey Beverley, my addiction was taking drugs and totally withdrawing from life. I did not realize how addicted I became just because there was so many others doing it. It was such a life-style on the Gold Coast with women, extravagant homes and people in the hood who seemed so laid back and cool. The locations were open and glamorous from high rises, locations on the beach to the country hinterland. All your dream-full illusions were met.

It was only when coming down became more toxic on the body that it started to really hit me, and the hole I was digging started to show and fall back in on me. I was loosing my mind, breaking-up with girlfriends, sacked from jobs, trying to stop but that was all there was to do and I could see no way out. The integrity I knew was not matching what was happening to me. Not until I was introduced to Universal Medicine was I able to completely stop drugs, alcohol and nicotine, everything at once too. AND have not gone back, AND WILL NEVER go back.
The power of healing was miraculous. I understood why I was doing it and began the journey to meet myself and responsibly appreciate my natural qualities. I was using this environment and lifestyle to fill my emptiness. I gave up on life and let my hurt own me. It took a lot of effort to be cool, and this was just a ‘look’ based on recognition instead of feeling and going deeper within my own body where recognition is not needed, but my own worth and confirmation is the natural way to live.

Tamara Flanagan says:February 4, 2016 at 7:43 am

I just love how your comment about reading has opened up such a huge and informative discussion. It has given me the opportunity to broaden my understanding.

Stephen G says:February 8, 2016 at 3:13 pm

Great to read all the comments here, I have certainly immersed myself in books growing up and it is interesting to note how it is seen as superior intellectually to watching TV, yet it has the same effect of transporting us away from reality and so in fact is rarely any different. Books can be entertaining for sure but i remember well that empty feeling when the book ended and I had to face the empty feelings that I had numbed by being in the book.

Lieke van Haastrecht says:February 9, 2016 at 2:44 pm

Absolutely, and a great point Stephen: “it is interesting to note how it is seen as superior intellectually to watching TV”. I have read a lot in the past too and can attest that it took me so much out of the world. I would totally disappear into the story of the book. In a way this feels more insidious than the TV as there you are looking at a story, but with reading a book you are imagining the picture yourself and I felt more immersed in it than I did when watching TV as then there would still be a distance between the TV and me on the couch which kept me aware of the reality a bit more than with a book.

Lorraine Wellman says:February 9, 2016 at 5:19 pm

I was another who used books as a means of numbing and escaping. Now, I am choosing to be connected with my body and to out any numbing patterns that may remain.

Victoria Lister says:February 10, 2016 at 5:00 am

I was fascinated by Alexis’s comment that she used to ‘get off’ on reading books about people’s experiences with drug addictions – sounds like a vicarious drug addiction and a book addiction wrapped up in one! It’s amazing just how creative and specific the human spirit can be when it comes to propping us up with numbing and escapist activities.

Victoria Lister says:February 10, 2016 at 5:08 am

It’s possibly that for many children today the addiction is less to TV or reading than computer screens be they for social media, downloading movies and gaming. Another ‘screen’, more for adults, I can think of are gambling machines. I have heard that people can become so addicted they can’t leave them even to urinate so relieve themselves in their chairs. And at least one teenager has died as a result of non-stop gaming. That is extreme vice with a level of check-out and given-up-ness that is hard to contemplate. As a human race we are very, very self-destructive – if not to the death, then certainly in the ways we live.

Victoria Lister says:February 10, 2016 at 5:16 am

I agree with others here on the ‘well-read’ syndrome having suffered from it myself. There is a definite arrogance in it, a superiority. On the other hand, I know someone with a great vocabulary and who writes beautifully (usually the hallmark of a well-read person) who barely read as a child and certainly not ‘the classics’ and is not particularly attuned to popular or high-brow culture. So where did this eloquence come from? I can only conclude it was a carry-over from a previous life. Perhaps we all bring different flavours though from those incarnations our souls have previously expressed through. Another option is given this person is naturally aligned with their soul, perhaps there is a natural eloquence that springs from this connection.

vanessamchardy says:February 12, 2016 at 6:09 pm

It’s official – reading can be an addiction too, but like any of the things being described it is not the thing that is addictive but rather how we engage with it, TV is not addictive nor is reading but when we sit down to ‘use’ them or to engage with them for purpose, two very different imprints.

Rebecca Turner says:February 25, 2016 at 5:52 pm

It’s true, it is possible to immerse oneself in a book and completely forget ones own reality. This is an escape like any other.

I too immersed myself in books when young all the time thinking that this was better then watching TV but years later I realized that this was no different maybe worse because of the illusion of thinking it was better and how immersed in the fantasy story I would get. Because of this I could not put the book down till I had finished it so things I needed to do would fall by the way side and I would not participate in life.

I also used reading as a way of not feeling what was going on around me and escaping into another world. It was the same with TV and I would immerse myself into any program for ages often staying up past the point when my body was calling out to go to bed. By being more connected to life and more connected to myself I find that I have no impulse to read a novel or watch TV. It’s interesting that when I do feel that rare urge to want to put on the TV I am aware it’s because something has come up that I don’t want to feel.

I was an addicted reader too as a child and loved the escape it offered. Yes it seems we champion reading as a great thing over and above watching TV. Yet the behaviour of escape is the same, wanting to loose ourselves in a good story simply to dull, or forget about life and our own emotions.

Hannah Flanagan says:January 20, 2016 at 8:11 pm

Yes Fiona, awesome to break down what addictions are all about so simply – “numbing what we do not want to feel”.

Yes Hannah and when we know that to be true we can ask ourselves as we reach for whatever our addiction is . . . “What exactly is it that I do not want to feel at this moment?” . . . This gives us an opportunity to address the issue we are attempting to avoid.

vanessamchardy says:February 12, 2016 at 6:11 pm

Even though I know this to be true it is still something I found very difficult to do, mainly because I am very keen on avoiding responsibility. So in the moment I can fool myself into not going deeper and not really stopping to feel as I am already in the throws of not wanting to feel. If that makes sense.

Toni Steenson says:March 3, 2016 at 6:33 pm

Yes Kathleen and the more we let ourselves feel what we are running from the more obvious and simple it becomes.

Angela Perin says:January 26, 2016 at 11:34 am

Totally agree Fiona and well summed up here… I’ve found the more connected I am with my body, the more I am aware of when I am not connected, and these are usually the moments where I become aware that there is something I don’t want to feel…

Yes true, looking for out moments so we can escape from feeling the intensity of the world for me. As a child I use to love being immersed in books with stories that took me somewhere else more exciting with lots of adventures. It was like a safety cocoon where life was rosier as I imagined it could be. It was always a shock to come back to reality. So easy to loose oneself in distraction and disconnection and loose touch with the natural loveliness we are.

The crazy thing is before Universal Medicine I didn’t see these things as distractions from what I was feeling/life or numbing devices, rather I saw them as entertainment, pure and simple. Now I know this is not the case because after hearing some of the presentations by Universal Medicine, I felt if it was true for me, and it was.

Yes Toni I totally agree, there was no way in the world that I would have thought that this form of entertainment was a way of checking out and numbing myself. What has been so supportive since really feeling the impact of this has been inspired by what Universal Medicine has shared and the impact that this has on our bodies. These forms of entertainment for a way of relaxing and having fun has been at the expense of my own health and wellbeing.

The key word here is numbing. You just have to walk into any household these days to see how houses are designed to bring more comfort with a selection of numbing appliances available in every corner of the house. The TV is just one of many that I know I have used to no allow me to feel what is truly going on at the time.

Yes Karina and often we mask a person who reads a lot as being “bright” and learning more… often masking what is really going on- another D!

Michelle McWaters says:January 21, 2016 at 3:53 pm

As a teacher of English I have experienced witnessing an arrogance coming from a number who believe that because they have access to the classic novels and know them intimately they possess something many don’t have – an arrogance that uses knowledge as power over another who is not so ‘well read’. As a teenager this affected me and I thought I was less because I didn’t possess this knowledge, and so wanted to read as much as I could to catch up. However what is not clocked is that those who do this are deeply hurt and are using this as a way to keep the world at bay and to avoid feeling their hurts.

Victoria Lister says:February 10, 2016 at 5:28 am

What we are avoiding must be pretty big if we are all going to such extremes to avoid it! I guess this can fall into two categories – avoiding what we don’t want to feel, and avoiding the might that we truly are.

Yes Victoria, this awareness brings in a ‘whole’ other consideration, our choice to be and live all that we are in truth, and to be part of and responsible for creating a world we want to live in.

Jennifer says:January 10, 2016 at 9:03 am

So true Sarah, we can use any substance or activity to stimulate or numb ourselves. What was interesting to read was that Mark had not substituted his Tv with another activity or distraction. It would suggest that he is also addressing the reason why he needed to dull or numb himself in the first place. Quite often people can give up one addiction and switch to another because the underlying issues of the need to dull our awareness are not faced.

Yes, Jennifer, it is unusual not to replace an addiction with another activity or distraction when one gives up another addiction. It would seem that Mark has successfully dealt with the underlying issues that he used the addiction to mask him from feeling. That is so key to truly ridding ourselves of addictions. It is wonderful for Mark to now be free of the issue that was underlying his addiction.

Yes that one rings a bell and sometimes you end up going back then stopping the same addiction because as you say you really haven’t dealt with the core issue as to why you are doing it in the first place. Sometime the hardest thing is actually admitting that you have an addiction. We are used to living with extremities that if you are not in this place then all is well…. but actually even if you have it at a small level it is still a step away from who we truly are and enjoying being who we are.

This is the arrogance and ignorance of humanity Jennifer, we change our addictions, husbands, wife’s, and or work Etc. because we are not happy, but end up in the same situation as we have not been willing to look at the underlying root problem, or why we were choosing what we choose in the first place.

Yes, addiction is short hand for running away from ourselves. Thomas I love how you’ve mentioned some of the very varied ways in which we run from the emptiness of not being with ourselves.

It’s helped me identify some of the less obvious ways I do this – looking for a ‘better’ area to live, place to work, type of work – anything that I put the onus on the situation to deliver me to me, that I also use as a ploy to divert my attention away from feeling the self-chosen hurt of choosing to not be with me. Coming back to the simplicity (and sanity) of choosing to be with me.

The outside distractions, aspirations may be deeply rooted in cultural belief systems that tell us these are the ways to fulfillment/contentment/enlightenment/meaning etc but they miss the crucial element: being with ourselves first and bringing this quality to whatever it is we do.

Victoria Lister says:February 10, 2016 at 5:40 am

I like that you bring relationships into the mix Thomas. It’s pretty awful that we can pick up and discard people like we do the books we can also be addicted to. I’m willing to bet in some instances we can be more invested in the TV shows we follow than the people we live with. What a grave imbalance this is.

Rik Connors says:February 3, 2016 at 8:45 pm

So true Jennifer, how many move to another location, break up with girlfriends, change careers, buy a new car, even save to go on that ultimate holiday all to numb out for so long where it wears off and something else new needs to be focused on. I had a friend who would try doing almost everything and even moved countries to satisfy the empty crave. Drugs did not help either and he eventually gave up on life completely. I know he did ask for help but no one was meeting him for who he was.
I am so blessed to know Serge Benhayon and all he has done to support me to come back and show me how to meet myself in all the love I deserve. This process does not stop and I will not stop until I let go of every thought that is not love for myself and others.

This is beautiful Rik, ‘I am so blessed to know Serge Benhayon and all he has done to support me to come back and show me how to meet myself in all the love I deserve. This process does not stop and I will not stop until I let go of every thought that is not love for myself and others’, and I agree being love with self and other people in every way possible is key.

Victoria Lister says:February 11, 2016 at 5:36 am

Wow, great Rik and I pledge to do the same. I too am equally grateful to have met Serge Benhayon and would have stayed as lost as your friend if it had not been for Universal Medicine and its very healing modalities.

Hannah Morden says:February 12, 2016 at 1:48 am

True Jennifer – usually the addiction is stemmed from a deeper hurt of not wanting to feel something, so we switch from one to another – fixing the ‘addiction’ but always moving onto something else because the reason behind the behaviour is not looked at. To be aware that our behaviours come from somewhere, is to start to see the bigger picture and take more responsibility for how we are living. Then our addictions will naturally fall away because we have faced what is behind them.

Yes Sarah great comment. Anything can be an addiction and we all have our own addiction of choice. What I love about Mark’s sharing is that through his honesty and how his body felt while watching tv, it allows us to see that any addiction we hold is just a way for us to be distracted and checked out from ourselves and how we really feel. Listening to what our bodies feel allows us to make a choice to change what isn’t working and make a new choice to live with honesty and care.

Taking time to feel what we do not want to feel is a very responsible way to live. I agree entirely Amina.

Rachel Mascord says:January 22, 2016 at 6:44 am

We can make an addiction of the very ‘best’ of pursuits. It is the body that says “hello…what are you doing? Can you feel me?”
I have caught myself reading the news online…clicking on reports that I know are silly from the headlines…but I am in that weird state where I feel detached from myself. It almost like I am feasting on junk food, my head cranes forward as though drawn to the screen, and my body may as well not be there at all.

It’s true Rachel, I can even say when I actually feel good and I know it I will choose something to bring me down – the ultimate sabotage. I get hooked on “I feel great”, and instead of appreciating and valuing this feeling that I created, I go into taking down what space I actually have to acknowledge and feel how I got to where I am.

Victoria Picone says:February 28, 2016 at 7:25 am

Great point Rachel, anything we do where we leave the connection to our bodies behind will be taking its toll in some way.

Vicky Geary says:March 12, 2016 at 2:48 pm

Rachel it’s a great point you make about how some choices can be similar to feasting on junk food. Junk food is anything we ‘consume’ that has no real purpose. The body knows instantly and the mind plays its little game of thinking it can get away with it.

mary sanford says:January 10, 2016 at 5:50 pm

It’s brilliant that we are having these open discussions about all the different addictions we participate in, which stop us from truly appreciating what life has to offer. Where else is there such a forum where we can openly and honestly discuss what’s really going on in life for us.

This is so true Mary, this forum feels such a safe place to discuss everything and anything without having to put up with people being abusive or being hateful towards people who write about their experiences. Unfortunately the majority of sites on the internet have become a free for all when it comes to people writing their opinions with the use of fowl language and hateful comments – thankfully there is none of that on this site.

I so agree Mary and Julie, this is an awesome site and every day when I read blogs on this site, it sets me up for the day – the quality of the energy is truly palpable and I love starting my days with reading the comments and feeling people’s awareness and insights – so beautiful.

Shirley-Ann Walters says:January 19, 2016 at 8:30 pm

Great points I agree, when there is a foundation of loving integrity and supportiveness we can feel safe to express what we have learned about in this case our addictions and behaviours. I agree that it is awesome to be able to be so honest that the addictions can be seen and the effects they have on us, as per the TV D’s, or the anything D’s really. Thank you for sharing so honestly Mark.

This is a great observation, Mary and I agree this is a supportive site to be opening up on about life. It is good to be invited to look at ourselves and consider other ways of living that could be more supportive thus helping us grow.

I agree Mary – it is brilliant. In understanding the myriad of ways we can numb and check out supports me to understand that we are either connected in each moment or we are not – that simple! Choosing to connect in each moment builds a strength and an inner appreciation that translates outwards to everyone we encounter.

So true Mary, these are the conversations I wanted to have growing up but no-one wanted to have them it seemed to me back then. Like everyone around me I took up all sorts of addictions to quell the emptiness inside and quash my very healthy impulse to discuss what was really going on in life.

The more I tried to numb my awareness the greater my addictions became.
I thought I was slightly loopy but looking back I can see the great effort people put into conforming to the norms and staying unaware – just like I was trying to do. But I knew I was killing my health denying my awareness. I am incredibly appreciative of everyone who is writing so openly and honesty and for a forum in which to do so.

I agree Mary. What I love is how much the discussion opens out to so much more. I never ever considered reading books could be an addiction. Not being very academic or not liking reading a lot, I saw people who read as being clever (depending on what they were reading!) but wow reading too can be an addiction! Which brings it back to how an addiction can be ANYTHING we do in order not to truly connect with ourselves or feel what is there to be felt.

Well said Mary. Watching TV was once a large part of my life and it was just what I did. It took time for me to realise the extent I was using it to distract myself. It is these conversations that can bring us so much more awareness and honesty with what we are choosing.

TV is just what I did. This is so true Vicky, I never questioned watching TV or why I was because it is a normal part of live to do so. Not only normal actually considered abnormal not to. So I guess we could say distraction has become a normal part of live, so much so it is not something we question.

Chan Ly says:January 14, 2016 at 9:06 am

This is so true Sarah. For some people they may have more than one addiction. Our addictions are a way to disconnect from ourselves, from others and is a way to avoid taking responsibility for our choices.

Absolutely Sarah the control that an addiction can have over you is all encompassing but the one thing that never leaves us, we just choose to disconnect from it is our insanely amazing Love that is inside us. Love doesn’t need anything, Love is Everything and when we allow ourselves to feel this then we get to see what is not Love. From here any addiction stands out like sore thumb, rightly so and we get to arrest the temporal sensation and satisfaction that comes with the emptiness of the addiction.

Absolutely. Anything that takes us away from being with our bodies or passes time for is to avoid the fact that we are not present with our bodies is numbing to all our senses – especially to our ability to feel energy.

It most certainly does Deborah. It is only when I have felt the harming impact of certain behaviours in my body and in my life, that have I been willing to make the changes necessary. Doing it because someone else says so, just does not have the same effect and in truth is very disempowering.

I love the honesty here too Bernadette – I’ve found for myself that it’s only when we are truly willing to be honest about our behaviours and take responsibility for them, that true change is possible. And this honesty for me can only come from within, and from our bodies.

Angela, a friend said to me recently, ‘be honest, and then ‘it’s over’. What she meant was, once we are honest with ourselves and others, there is nothing we are holding anymore. I felt the power of this truth. Honesty is truly empowering and releases the tension and energy it takes to not be honest!

Well said Bernadette. To hang on to something that is not true and then to keep living it day to day whether we are conscious of it or not, does take a lot of energy because it is so unnatural. Our body is a radar for truth so this is where we are headed no matter which direction we decide to go in. Resistance is exhausting!

So true Sara, and the body lets us know all the time – it should make us deeply question why so many of us do not wish to listen…

Willem Plandsoen says:January 17, 2016 at 6:59 am

Yes I would call this process renunciation Bernadette. Honestly calling out what is we are doing. And then making another choice and it is gone! Honesty is so powerful.
I have even seen this with disease, like a headache: you renunciate what you have done and the headache is gone in a second. Not totally honest? It stays.

True Bernadette. Dishonesty is exhausting as we’re holding onto things in our bodies that aren’t true – whether it’s situations or pictures we’re holding onto or ideas or sentences that we’re not expressing, it all has the same effect of tension and depleting the body.

So true. It’s ok for us to say we are doing this and that and admit that it us not supportive and even come to why we may be doing it. If we don’t get honest then we can’t take the next step to self healing.

Yes I enjoyed Mark’s honesty too Bernadette, to know that he made this choice for himself based on the effects he felt and how they were directly impacting on his quality of life. Absolute responsibility and true basis for making change.

Yes, I agree with Bernadette. I love the fact that you are not a follower Mark. You made a choice and made changes when you were ready, when you felt it all, and not because anyone else was doing such and such.

Yes Rosie I loved this line – “that would have been for some reason other than it being a truth for me”. True change can only happen when it is true to you to make that change – and then a loving consistent commitment to making it.

This is so important Sarah and supports the truth that when we know something it is felt in our bodies, not our mind. When my mind leads the way, I can be sure there is a need for recognition or anxiety leading me.

When our mind leads the way it is simply overriding our truth-o-meter, the body.

Bernard Cincotta says:January 21, 2016 at 6:13 am

When I read this comment Sara I felt a lovely warmth in my body, in other words my truth-o-meter went all the way around to Profound.

Tamara Flanagan says:February 4, 2016 at 7:56 am

Truth-o-meter – just love it Sara!

Johanna08.smith says:February 14, 2016 at 3:34 pm

Yes this is a great truth. The mind does not feel only the body. So really it is less of a true intelligence when we are running our lives and movement only from our minds excluding our bodies. When we are present with our bodies, our mind aligns and we have access to great wisdom, knowledge and divine intelligence.

kerstin Salzer says:January 24, 2016 at 2:19 am

I agree wholeheartedly, Rosie. However there are times when the body tells the truth and I do not listen and do not listen and do not listen. In the end it becomes almost a habit to not listen. So I started to make the choice to listen not only in the very end, when I am already ill but when the first signs of the body are apearing, like Mark has so beautifully shared here. The sensitivity can sometimes be a challenge, but it is also fascinating to feel how powerful it is.

That will always be the key – to feel it in ones own body first and then take appropriate action for change to occur. Nothing truly ever works when done from the head, or worse still, because someone else said so…

I really like this too! I know from experience when I stop behaviours that no longer serve it has much more resonance and significance if it comes from me and what I am feeling from my body. If it comes from believing it to be no good for me and stopping, I am leaving a hole wide open for the behaviour to still manifest at any time.

So true Michelle, we can’t force ourselves to give up something as it has not really been released, and it is true also if I am trying to make myself do something because I believe it to be good, or right or helpful, rather than feeling it to be true in my own body. Big learning curve that one!

Great comments here Bernadette and everyone else, I am certainly very aware of using devices such as TV for checking out from the world and what is really happening in everyday life. The most amazing thing that I have experienced since not longer having a TV and how you have an opportunity to really enjoy yourself and be with yourself. Something that I now really appreciate.

Yes – I loved your honesty too and the way you worked at your own pace. This is true and solid change, not peer or knowledge-based change and is set to last. This approach can be taken to all that we know needs to go but in the right time and way – particularly with respect to the habits that are deeply embedded. For me right now this includes misuse of food and a long term association with going into push and drive to get things done. She says about to push the done button to post this comment!

‘Letting go of choices is about saying yes to ourselves’. Great blog Mark. My addictions was reading. From a young age this was my way of escaping the world. I always felt sad when a book came to an end so I accumulated a stash of books for a rainy day. I never thought I could one day not read. But it happened. I gave boxes of books away and I am no longer buying them compulsively. Because I am learning to reconnect with people and life I no longer need a fortress of books to protect me.

This is a great line Mark…”.. letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” So often we feel we are being deprived of something when we ‘give it up’ but in fact the only thing we have lost is the distraction itself, and in the process we gain so much more. By letting go of distraction we allow space to connect more to who we naturally are…a love, grace and beauty far more worthwhile than the distraction ever was or ever could be.

I agree Paula I also love the line ” letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” I used to watch a TV show every night before I went to bed, it was like I needed a treat or a reward after a day of work. I have not watched any TV for a couple of years and do not miss it. I do not feel I have had to “give up’ watching the TV. I have gained a deeper connection with myself and loads more space to get things done.

Yes, Mary-Louise, it is wonderful how much more space there is in my life now, since I gave up TV completely. I listen to the ABC radio news in the morning, to let me know what might be going on in the world, but that is all I now need of any of that sort of media. Now that we are in summer, I revel in the extra time that I have towards the end of the day, to do things at a steady pace, maybe even have a walk at the cool of the day, or out with nature in my garden. A great chance for that deeper connection with myself before I go to bed.

Beautiful Beverley, TV and “news’ are things that I have too reduced enormously and not until doing so have I realised the addiction that they are – subtle hooks for relief and distraction. Love your reflection here!

I relate to the space created when the TV no longer dominates the evening. I watch far far less than I used to, and tend to do so on catch-up TV so I can watch anything at a time that suits me. I find this becomes far less of a distraction than it used to and my evenings can be about completing the day, feeling where my body is at, and getting ready for the next day. All of this offers me a great support which no TV show can do

Yes Julie, it seems we are good at replacing one distraction with another but not always catching that very fact. I have noticed with myself that when I do this, there is a distinct feeling of wanting to avoid being with myself and feeling something.

Elodie Darwish says:January 19, 2016 at 5:11 am

I too used to watch TV every single night, it was just part of my day and most definitely a reward for basically ‘getting through the day’. I noticed how tired I always was in the mornings and when I finally understood that it wasn’t normal to be tired and that TV was impacting my sleep, I started to experiment here and there.
I still watch TV but these days is very occasionally, and very very little and also I avoid watching it just before I go to sleep.
I still see it as a reward however, and still use it in this way, but the difference is that now, when I make the choice to watch it, I know that I’m effectively wanted to numb out because of a difficult day. It’s a constant learning.

I was in the same routine, TV was the back end of my day and I believed that I deserved it. Now it is so occasionally and I don’t know how I fit it in before. When I do watch a bit I am very particular with what I watch but I still really enjoy it. Whats interesting is I never watch it alone, if someone doesn’t join me, then I won’t do it, that reveals a lot, its like drinking alcohol, I never liked drinking it alone and eating sweets are the same for me, I don’t eat cake by myself very often either.
I still have a great appreciation for a well done movie with a good message, don’t know if Ill ever let it go entirely but I am open it.

I love this honesty Sarah, as I will at times watch something, I can observe now when I watch to completely check out or because I am finding what I watch fascinating and actually learn something during the process. I recently watched Spotlight, the movie and found it fascinating that the level of corruption and abuse can run so deep and that many, many people get hooked into supporting something that should never, never happen. Then there are always those who will fight for truth.

Shirley-Ann Walters says:January 19, 2016 at 8:43 pm

Beautiful Mary-Louise, I can really feel the letting go and that this has become so true for you. I still like about half an hours stop time in my PJ’s on the sofa before bed, and that can be reading, writing, talking lightly, listening to a recording or a little TV carefully chosen from planned recordings we make. We don’t TV channel hop or anything like that and I know that this tiny amount of TV may drop away too, and thats just fine, but we don’t force it, and we never let it be more important than being together, or having a conversation if that comes up.

Lieke I actually don’t watch TV any more as I found it can be so frustrating , and can take me on an emotional roller coaster which is not so evolving. Definately not a sacrifice to give up as I have experienced the down side and it does actually harm me, it’s great to be so clear in my choice.

Hi Paula I have to say that I was caught by the same sentence
“letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.”
I am constantly amazed at all the games we play to stop ourselves from appreciating who we truly are… a son of God.

This is a great observation Paula. We are not really missing out when we let go of choices that don’t support us. Its only the distraction we have given up, and as you say we gain so much more in the process.

Yes Paula, we can trick ourselves into thinking that we will be losing something that is a huge part of us or that we are giving up a freedom to be able to do whatever we want without consequence. This way of looking at things certainly explains the tight grip I have around distractions. But to let go of these distractions, gently and with understanding, is to nourish more of who we truly are and to get more of the beauty and grace that we are. That’s very cool!

Yep, great comment Rosie. Understanding that giving addictions up is actually the part that allows life to be easier is the bit we miss. We’ve got such a tight grip on everything that keeps us separated from ourselves that it’s hard to see the forest from the trees at the time.

I agree Rosie, ‘In the giving up, we are gaining so much more.’ I have found this with so many things that I have given up, I found this with chocolate and cakes, I used to not be able to resist them and end up feeling awful afterwards, I now am not tempted at all and love the freedom that comes with this – no temptation, no guilt, no feeling rotten afterwards.

So true – and the ‘giving something up ‘ never really works as it comes from the belief of ‘ missing something’ that one really thinks one enjoys. It is the true clearing that is the healing, when it is fully natural when we claim who we truly are and we feel this in truth, things that don’t support us just fall by the wayside.

Great point shared here Karina about “giving up”. What are we giving up and how wonderful was it in the first place that we had to give it up? There is still this ideal and belief that giving up is making a change rather than getting to the root cause on why the pattern of behaviour began in the first place.

So well said Paula, this is exposing the game of creation we play in human form burying us with this layers of entertainment, activities, identities, etc. and living in a way that makes us feel deprived when we have to “give up” of those distractions. How can we feel deprived when giving up something that prevents us from being in our grandness and living the absoluteness of who we are?

Oh boy Rachel that’s not a choice …. when I have felt the connection to myself. . It’s the part that I have been missing for so long and all the entertainment and distraction didn’t provide the answers or fill the void.

‘ By letting go of distraction we allow space to connect more to who we naturally are…a love, grace and beauty far more worthwhile than the distraction ever was or ever could be.’ Love this Paula and so beautifully claimed in your expression.

Beautifully brought to the point, thank you Paula. Something that should be pointed out in any self help and psychology book, it is never about giving up something in the sense of sacrifice, it is making different choices to come back to the true being that we are. If we approach an addiction in the manner of dealing with it, fighting it, beating it, getting rid of it, we will always stay in the cycle of missing something as we haven’t understood and appreciated the fullness that is there already.

So true Esther, if we are constantly focusing on ‘letting go’ as a place where we will have nothing once we let go then there’s no space to even consider or feel what we are ‘left’ with which is far more amazing than the holding onto the layers of stuff we think we need to be full or have a full life.

Agree Paula, love this line too ”.. letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” – such a powerful and wonderful way of looking at something that agree does not leave one feeling deprived, but more in-gain.

Great explanation Paula. How many times have I felt like I was missing out on something when I gave it up. But you’re absolutely right, the actual act that I gave up, never ever served me to begin with, hence why I chose to give it up. It’s that big game – distraction – that tricks me into feeling like I’m missing out on something. But the truth is, I’ve been so used to missing out on connecting to myself, that it’s uncomfortable when I give myself the opportunity to do so. It feels unnatural, even though it’s the most natural thing in the world.

This was the line that grabbed me too Paula, that the times we say goodbye to an old “friend” are “not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am”.
We equate letting go of a habit with a huge battle, filled with willpower and hard resolve. Well it is when you don’t acknowledge just how damn gorgeous you are! When we start to get the slightest sense of who we are and how worthy of care it is, the habits just don’t stack up. The battle is no longer so huge, because the truth is we were never fighting the habit, we were only fighting our own magnificence.

Absolutely Rachel. Well if this is the case well then it completely throws out “giving up things”, which will require will power. If we accept our own ‘magnificence’ (love the sound of that) than the things that don’t belong to that are known instantly and there is no hesitation to ‘give them up’, so I have found.

I love that Harrison. Discarding is much simpler when we acknowledge that we are in fact a palace and not a shack. When we get this…even a little bit…the “shackish” decorations (like too much TV and junk food) don’t sit so well. Much easier to put them out for the rubbish collection!

Its surprising to me how easily I can give up an addiction once I decide to, but until that point, it seems insurmountable. Once the decision is made, the attraction to whatever it was that seemed so very important simply slips away.

The thought that says the battle is about the habit is the same as the thought that thinks the struggle to be ‘free’ of the habit is normal and that is the same thought is owned by what ever we are quitting.
I was a chain smoker, an everyday drinker and used recreational drugs consistently, I did not manage to stop all of that and become completely clean for over a decade by will power of belief that I had a problem. I didn’t even try to quit, as you say Rachel, it was just natural, as I discovered that we are truly stunning, things that hurt me had no place anymore, as I had opened my eyes to how amazing I was and how much I wanted to share that with the world.

Absolutely Paula – in those moments it is an opportunity to understand our bodies more and face the tension we might feel that we don’t want to deal with or can numb out very easily simply by doing things like watching TV – but to accept who we are first is to say yes to looking at all the things that are not us. Hard at first, but wow when we face these, when we let go of these, then watch out world.

Yes, stellar line, that exposes the illusion in ‘giving up’ those things that were destroying us anyway. No loss at all, not going without and no deprivation. Saying yes to your body and honouring what it truly needs through loving choices is a win win

So true Paula, with every choice to relinquish something we feel we cannot live without we discover more of who we naturally are and what an awesome joy it is. We have no idea how much we are bound and gagged by so many of our ‘normal’ choices in life. Learning to truly feel the effects of ‘normal’ and make different choices is so liberating. There is so much more to us than T.V and all the other numerous ways we have created to keep us away from the glorious beings we truly are.

Mark, many thanks for this blog: This stood out for me “Eating while watching TV was the most effective form of numbing and distracting myself” Such an easy way to go into ‘nothing land’ A packet of crisps in front of the TV, removes all connection with the outside world and any other person. Reminds me of that song that had the lyrics “Television – drug of the nation, breeding ignorance and feeding radiation” Great article thanks for raising this Dulling influence that still affects me to ‘zone out’

Yes, I can still find myself looking to distract myself with the radio, or laptop or phone when I am eating, yet I know my body is strongly telling me this is disturbing it greatly as you say Christoph. I feel it is time to take more responsibility for creating a quiet space to eat in and accept being with and in my body is more than enough. There is something about food being much more digestible and filling when the time is taken to just eat without the distraction of a television. I also find it interesting that this is not the same as when are eating in company, we are able to be amongst people and eat and talk and remain present and still in our bodies. The company of others while we eat is very natural, TV is clearly not.

Starting a discussion about the effects of choices made, such as watching TV and eating crisps, is so important because whilst seemingly innocuous they have consequences that are more far reaching and damaging than we realise. When we want to have time out and withdraw, what are we actually wanting to withdraw from? What is actually happening to our bodies? What is happening to our relationship with self? What is happening to our relationships with others? What happens when we want to get up off the sofa and to re-engage again? How do we feel about ourselves then and what have we just set into motion?

Exactly- numbing ourselves physically while automatically putting one handful of popcorn after the other in the mouth while watching something on a huge screen. It is quite alarming to see when visiting the cinema, that the majority of people are engaged in just that. And it starts when taking kids to the movies too – we buy them stuff to eat while watching, and carry that over into our adult life… very crikey!

Well said Andrew, it’s easy to see how the tv has become the ‘drug of the nation’ and to what extent this drug is so widely accepted as being normal. I wonder if someone has ever totted up the hours wasted of people watching tv, I am sure someone would have the numbers, as they always know how many millions of viewers watch a particular show.

So true Andrew (and Mark) it is the ultimate legal drug isn’t it – combining eating and tv. Even knowing it myself it is very powerful to read about others experience and confirming that knowing in a very real way. I recall a time when shutting everything out seemed absolutely rational and reasonable, yet it also shut out what it was doing to my body.

Love this Mark, another of your honest blogs. I can remember when the TV arrived in our home when I was about 5, what a novelty it was. I probably watched a couple of hours every night, until I hit my teens and found better things to do. For long periods of my life I didn’t watch any, but then there were times when I did watch mostly movies or serials and even found myself looking forward to the prospect of my favourite programme at night – the high point of the day (can you believe it?). For the last few years it was very selective, only a serial here and there but then that stopped, I simply lost interest and found I could just not be bothered to go through the motions. Like you I found it affected my awareness and would feel dull when I woke up and I have certainly noticed how it affected me going to sleep, my brain was more stimulated and I would feel more anxious. I love not needing to have TV or movies in my life.

Yes I can believe it Josephine,watching a TV series was the high point of my day for years I would always be looking forward to when I could turn on my latest favorite series and sit down with my latest favorite snack, numb out and watch it…..obvious to me now that my days were devoid of me being with me as now I have said yes to a deeper connection with my self each day I do not need the distraction of TV and spend my evenings very differently.

I never have the urge to turn the ‘telly’ on any more and yes, it is through having a deeper connection with myself – good way of putting it Mary-Louise. Now I don’t know when I had the time for TV really, as the evenings whizz by without thinking about it.

Agree Josephine, and back in the day i remember racing home to catch the latest episode and eating with a plate of food on my lap – ‘tv-dinner’, again, a way to zone out and not feel how the day’s gone, or how the food i’m eating is sitting/digesting inside my stomach. These days to enjoy dinner sans tv feels so much more connected, because i feel connected, and enjoy feeling this way, with the dinner being a confirmation or celebration of the day.

Zofia, interesting you mention ‘tv-dinner’ – and something that I had forgotten until your comment. I re-call that it was a habit in the early days of black and white t.v. when it first came to the suburbs that the folk on their way home from work would all gather around the one local shop that had a functioning t.v. in their shop window. Not long after that it was quite seen to be ‘keeping-up’ with the latest by purchasing fine china cup and plate sets that allowed everyone to sit with their cup of tea and a sandwhich on their lap while friends and family sat in the dark to watch the latest offering of entertainment. Some may say it was a new way to distract the masses from their dull or gruelling lives, and when colour television arrived it seemed everyone revelled in what appeared to be the pinnacle of entertainment with the bi-product of keeping the kids off the streets. Interesting to now have the awareness of an addictive and hidden agenda, just another avenue of preventing connection with the love that we are naturally and dulling the opportunity of expressing that.

mariette reineke says:January 13, 2016 at 2:16 am

For me too, my evenings are so full now and I love spending them on doing some work done, reading something and getting ready for bed. I don’t miss tv at all. My nights are more about what feels supporting so I can be vital the next day.

Me too Mariette – and the times I do engage in watching a movie (on ly laptop these days) I find I get bored so quickly that I don’t even finish it and by the next day I have forgotten what it was called, what it was about – all this showing me what a waste of my energy this is; it feels so much more loving and supporting to read instead or engage with others and also preparing for a deep rest as well.

Lee Green says:January 28, 2016 at 7:17 am

Great point Josephine the TV was literally a time machine sucking up all manner of days and weeks and years.

Josephine I can relate to that, i never rely have the urge to watch TV anymore, my evenings just fly by unwinding and preparing for bed. It is very rare that I will sit with my husband and watch something, if I do it’s mainly to spend some time together watching something very light.

Yes its those TV series that were hard to switch off from as they were always leaving you with wanting to know what happened next – always a drama involved. If there wasn’t a drama in my own life, TV was guaranteed to give me one to get involved with.

Yes Marika, i found that the looking outside of my life into the lives on the characters on the screen was a way to not have to deal with what was going on with me. but instead getting that outside stimulation gave me a story to attach to and play out the drama over and over even after the show had finnished.

Amazing how we can get hooked in to not so much whats on the screen but the idea of watching a 24 part show. It is like the mapping out of a period of our lives that suits us, the knowledge that we won’t be doing anything else perhaps, the false comfort and security that TV brings allows us to slump evermore into the dullness that these check out tools bring.

Josephine, I remember this too when I would look forward to a TV program so much that it would be the highlight of my day! I have gradually come away from TV as I am not interested in it anymore. I found having more awareness around how TV dulled me made me realise that I don’t want it anymore.

It is lovely to read this process of watching TV drop away Josephine, what I notice is there is large gaps for me to feel myself and also really meet my partner rather than getting lost in the tv screen. It is not always comfortable but a gradual learning process around intimacy with self and others.

I agree it is not always comfortable to commit more deeply to life. I feel it like a spark within that I can choose to stay connected with and build the flame or put my feet up and dampen it down – TV confirming the second option.

Josephine, my TV died of neglect last year. After quite enjoying TV, and it being the “high” point of my day for a few years of my life , I went through an interesting period last year when I forgot about it completely. When I did go to switch it on…it didn’t. So no more TV. It is going to electronic goods Heaven…along with a collection of DVDs and their players.

I found that when I was invested in wanting to watch a TV programme it would affect how I was in the moment. It would create tension in my body and resentment so that I would’t be fully present with what I was doing – not great as this would then impact on how I spoke to others and how I would feel about myself – the self perpetuation of self loathing and lack of self worth. These symptoms sound totally like a drug to me – so yes I can relate to TV being like a drug addiction.

Oh my goodness, I remember that feeling so well Michelle. If I was out with friends I would become edgy, frustrated and resentful, because I wanted to be home watching …..whatever show it was that hilariously I cannot remember now. My goodness, what is going on when the siren song of a TV show is stronger than the pull to be with friends!

Do you know the funny part I recall so clearly Heather is the feeling that this upcoming episode is the one to watch….all will be resolved, unrequited love will finally be requited, the crime solved…whatever.
It never was of course. It just keeps us on the edge of our collective seats, yearning for the satisfaction we don’t get from our lives.
But you have made me wonder at something else. What does this say about our relationships that we feel more intimate with a TV character? There are TV characters I felt more at ease with than real people. Well perhaps that is easy when they live on a screen, are flawless (or flawed in a way we all love) and will never press my buttons. And if they do I can press the “off” button. Aha! the ideal friend many would say, and from the intense popularity of TV I would say that I am far from alone in having put more into my electronic relationships than my real ones.
Surely this reveals the deep-seated lack of trust with each other in our society…a lack that we try to compensate with these strange, quasi-relationships with what can only be called mystical beings in the “box”.

Lee Green says:January 28, 2016 at 7:20 am

Absolutely Michelle the need to be in the right position on the sofa really caused tension if things were not quite going to work out, this added drama further would support the relief of sitting in front of a box of moving images – falsely giving the impression that TV relaxes you, further supporting the habit.

Great point Michelle, i too can relate to tv watching being like the energy of looking for that next ‘hit’ and how it can take us away from being present with ourselves and whats really going on. i can also see how the after effects being like a come down or hangover where the next day there was a feeling of groggyness and disconnection

There was a point in my life where getting to watch my bit of tv at the end of the day was my inspiration to keep going at work. I was looking for the satisfaction of tv to make my life ok, worth it etc.
There definitely are strong hooks with tv obviously as every home has one and I know is some cases the family get together is all watching the big game together or movie. That is the family get together or the reality of a family not getting together.

Thank you Mark. We all have areas in our lives that we have resisted deepening our love in. It may be numbing or distracting ourselves with TV, eating, social media, alcohol, shopping and the list goes on. ‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ SO TRUE. Giving up is never the answer because we simply replace. We come from a sense of LACK. Saying yes to who we truly are is one of our first choices to self-love because we come from a FULLNESS. From there our choices change.

Saying yes to who we truly are is where many of us get stuck because the numbing habits are precisely what stops us from feeling all of who we truly are. Willpower doesn’t work, as you say, we only replace what we’ve stopped with something else. For me there has to be an experiment, like what happens when I do this, rather like the TC ‘D’s identified by Mark in this article. First there has to be a willingness to explore what’s going on, to accept that what we are doing has a ‘benefit’ and to explore what that might be. In my case, it is usually when some deep feelings are coming up that I don’t want to feel, so I’m avoiding the discomfort. What I haven’t yet fully realised or accepted is that there is more discomfort in ‘not being me’ than there is in the feeling I’m avoiding!

Beautiful Kathryn, I found that when I would give something up then I would just move on to something else for that distraction then give myself a pat on the back for giving one thing up but not seeing what else I had taken on. From self love and appreciation we can make choices that come from our fullness

TV is a huge distraction, I could so relate to what you say Mark about sitting down to watch TV and not doing the things that needed to be done. Since I have stopped watching TV my life has become so full with other activities< i now wonder how I ever found the time to spend 4 or 5 hours watching TV i each night.

That’s it isn’t it – the price for that indulgence is high, less sleep, less awareness, less time as one drags ones feet through tiredness and the quality brought to the day and all interactions then leaves a lot to be desired.

I have had a similar experience Alison. I would happily watch at least 4 hours of TV per day, and eating in-front of the TV was one of my favourite ways to check out. Now I dont know how I used to fit it in. My life feels much fuller without it.

Eating and television is the ultimate numbing combination. The thought, once a meal is prepared, to switch on the television while eating is an alarm bell that I am avoiding feeling something or wanting to fill emptiness with the comfort of numbness. The moment the thought enters is a moment to stop and pay attention to my body.

Me too Alison, ‘i now wonder how I ever found the time to spend 4 or 5 hours watching TV i each night.’ I used to watch t.v every evening growing up and so would not have time for anything else, now i don’t have a t.v to sit in front of, I love to be with my family, catch up on emails, prepare meals for the next day, I love all of these things and do not miss t.v at all.

Yes the idea of the post-it notes is an awesome one. I used to use them all over the house and in the car for an exercise I was doing to gain greater awareness of the thoughts that were coming – my post-it notes said ‘ catch your thinking’ – and I was amazed at the amount of utter rubbish and negativity that I became aware of with the help of these little notes. This was a long time ago and shifted an enormous amount of negative self-talk for me, and nowadays – if I catch an unsupportive thought, I am onto it straight away.

Mark, I can relate to numbing myself with various drugs including television although for me my relationship with television came to a fairly abrupt end when I could not longer handle the sensationalism and repetition of television. I decided to pack my television away into a box and pop it up in the attic and haven’t got it down since. What I did notice though was as soon as I got rid of the television, I replaced it with listening to the radio. I would listen to BBC Radio 4, which if you do not know it is a radio channel free from any advertisements and with the leadt sensationalist new broadcasts of all the different radio channels. I would listen to the news primarily but I noticed that I could not be with myself and I would feel more tired at the end of the day so eventually that went too.

Thanks for an awesome blog Mark – I love how you kicking your habit was a gradual process, that allowed you to really connect to all the ways it wasn’t working for you and then let go in your own time, rather than making the change to “fall in line” with someone else. We all have slightly different reasons and ways of using things (be it tv, food, drugs, even work) to “get through life” so when we allow ourselves the space to understand why we use something, it is much easier to let it go for good. I know for me if I do something just because someone tells me I should, there’s a pretty good chance of rebelling against it and not making a true change 😉

Yes Hannah you’ve hit the nail on the head when you talk about understanding. It’s the self-understanding that brings so much space to observe, look and see at whatever it is that we are dealing with or escaping from etc. I found that when I rushed around, working, exercising, living with a level of emotion, drama, stories, I deliberately created a vortex of busyness to not only not feel, but to not understand either. In slowing down, I got the feel the benefit of both – feeling and understanding… and continue to deepen this through focusing on being self-connected, and honest about what can take me out.. and when it does, to get back to myself and the clarity asap (!!)

So true Hannah basing our choices on the fact that someone else has done it ultimately leads to the habit returning. Yet if we observe, feel and see the consequences of a choice for ourselves there is a much greater chance of that change sticking and not falling back into our old ways.

Indeed Jade, I think maybe thats why following the rules or best practice such as in diets or exercising dont work after a time. It is totally a different process to engage and have a relationship with our addictions by observing feeling and seeing the consequences of our choices.

It only every has to do with our self, hasn’t it. We can watch and observe others and may be inspired (or not, as the case may be), however ultimately it is up to us to get on with letting go and allowing for change to occur.

Spot on Hannah, it’s in understanding why we do what we do that allows us to make a change. Like Mark, I realised that when I watched TV in the evenings, I’d feel stimulated and my sleep was affected and I’d wake feeling tired in the morning. And so it was by feeling how watching TV made me feel that I stopped watching it. I will watch a DVD or something else now and then, but it’s not to fill a void, and is a conscious choice not just a filler.

Yes me too Hannah, that rebellious streak gets well and truly fired up when I am told what to do, so finding one’s own way through these issues is so much more real and empowering. It is very uplifting to read about how Mark weaned himself off the T.V, observing the effects of and constantly reminding himself how it affects him (love the notes stuck to the T.V) and deciding to change his behaviour in favour of his true well being. It is this awareness of the everyday things that we automatically do that is so essential. Just because a behaviour is common does not mean it is beneficial and taking a moment to stop, feel and observe the true effects of our everyday lives can support us to make simple but powerful shifts in our health and well being.

When we make a change because we truly understand what it does to our body, there is often very little, if any, reverting. I knew for a long time that I “should” give up coffee but I played with it and observed myself over time. I then came to a point where I didn’t make a decision to give it up, less and less did I want to do that to my body and one day I realised that it had been a long while since I drank coffee and that I had absolutely no desire for it.

Awesome comment Hannah. It is so true what you say here – ‘when we allow ourselves the space to understand why we use something, it is much easier to let it go for good’. I have found for myself that when I choose to want to understand why I am doing something that hurts me or I sense doesn’t feel right, that this in itself is a self-loving act and one the builds a foundation of love that can continue to grow. And so letting go of what is not of this love then becomes natural and everlasting as you have beautifully pointed out.

That’s such a great point Hannah. I’ve experienced the same. When I make a choice that I ‘think’ I should make rather than making it because it feels right for me, then I usually end up feeling quite resentful of the choice made and the person whom I based the decision on. It simply doesn’t work. If we don’t own our choices, then we will never benefit from them.

Well said Hanna, without the understanding of why we are choosing our particular tailor-made habits we only ever replace one habit with a ‘better’ if we enforce change without getting to the bottom of what it is we are avoiding facing or feeling by adopting the habit in the first place.

I agree Hannah, it doesn’t make sense to do something, just because another person has told us. It must be an impulse coming out of our body, otherwise it is a mental decision and the probability is high, that we can’t sustain the new choice anyway, because our body doesn’t support it. It makes sense, that everybody grows in his own speed.

A wise comment Hannah, it has to be a personal choice to change, that has started with an honesty that Mark has presented by being willing to see the impacts, and as they unfold, the choice is then that persons alone, and nobody else’s say so.

This is great Mark. In my experience copying something someone that else is doing (eating, letting go of things that do not serve etc), does not bring any lasting change, only a sense of ‘trying to get it right’.
“it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does”.

Well said Stephanie. Whenever we copy what someone else does – like I used to copy hairstyles and fashion from movie stars or do what my friends were doing or even do what magazines told me to do – we completely lose ourselves and our connection with our bodies. Learning and practicing to live more from the flow and rhythm of our body rather than from our mind is key to feeling what actually works for us.

I have so fallen for this in my past and recent past, wanting to be the good student is the one that I have fallen for time and time again. Crazy that this negates the truth of what I know in my own body for the thought of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’.

Mark, I can relate to numbing myself with various drugs including television although for me my relationship with television came to a fairly abrupt end when I could not longer handle the sensationalism and repetition of television. I decided to pack my television away into a box and pop it up in the attic and haven’t got it down since. What I did notice though was as soon as I got rid of the television, I replaced it with listening to the radio. I would listen to BBC Radio 4, which if you do not know it is a radio channel free from any advertisements and with the least sensationalist new broadcasts of all the different radio channels. I would listen to the news primarily but I noticed that I could not be with myself and I would feel more tired at the end of the day so eventually that went too.

Fiona, very interesting and insightful to be so super-honest about the ‘replacement factor’ of the radio over TV, they have the same effect, ultimately that of numbing from feeling how we are in life with ourselves, and how connected we are. The lack of connection generates an opening for there to be ‘stuff’ that can enter. When it’s closed, nothing can get in, and the connection is untainted. This is the way of life.

Fiona, I too gave up TV and started listening to our advertisement free National broadcaster, which I found intelligent, informative, and balanced with excellent reporting and interviewing. I am beginning to realize that there is an atmosphere with the radio station that I have aligned to and it drives how I see the world. In this information age people are choosing their media aligned to what they want to hear, there is the ‘left wing news’, and the ‘right wing’ news are obvious ones but there are many more. The separation from balance is becoming more extreme. I found it interesting to notice what I truly feel as distinct to what I have taken on from elsewhere.

Thanks for your honest telling of how TV has affected you Mark.
I can relate to a lot of what you’ve said. I have massively reduced my TV watching in the last year when I realised that it was actually depressing me.
Whilst I don’t feel like I have time for it anymore, I notice that the times I do miraculously have time for it, is when I’ve had a difficult week or day and need to ‘unwind’, in other words, ‘check out’, and numb my exhaustion or anxiety.
Interesting how we self medicate with TV.

Yes Elodie, I can fall into that pattern after an exhausting day at work. My mind tells me I just want some time to unwind but it’s really an excuse to not be with myself and feel into why the day felt so big for me.

Elodie, I love how you state “Interesting how we self medicate with TV.”. This is a term that is not yet fully understood, we all can relate to medicine that is dispensed by our doctors and pharmacists, but it is not a commonality just yet to see life choices as either good or bad medicine. Each choice we make either feeds us or depletes us. As Mark so beautifully outlined TV completely depleted him and caused anxiousness in his life, by ceasing his TV watching his sleeping patterns improved he felt less drained and more committed to life, if that is not great medicine I don’t know what is. Thank you again Mark, you show how simple medicine truly can be.

Yes Caroline, this is great medicine. It wasn’t prescribed by a doctor, it came from Mark himself, when he was willing to take the care to understand and look deeper into something he knew was draining him.

I love it Caroline, to look at lifestyle choices as medicine. If you could bottle a pill that eases anxiousness and improves sleep that would be good medicine, why would we not call a prescription of “no TV” good medicine?

Yes Bernard , I also love what Caroline shares too: “if that’s not good medicine then I don’t know what is” with the truth behind the word ‘medicine’ not solely being assigned to ingestion of a tablet/liquid etc. Medicine is an ingestion of life itself and its quality. Imagine going to the Doctors and the written prescription given was “no TV”… instead of, or in addition to pills or supplements (!)

Your comment about it depressing you is really interesting, because that would make a lot of sense – TV can make us feel like we have company – voices, the lives and dramas of the people on scree, and yet because its not real, it would be rather depressing when the tv is turned off and reality does settle back in

This is a great point Rebecca, I have heard several people at work say I only have the TV for company, and at break time everyone talks about what’s going on in the latest soap as if its part of their own lives.

Wow Elodie to watch TV as a self medication is an interesting way to look at it and I have to admit that it was for me like that in the past. It is so freeing to have now other possibilities to deal with my anxiety and they are definitely not adding to it as did the TV watching.

Watching TV right before bed affects my sleep and how I wake up – the severity of this will depend on the kind of show. A couple of years ago I was watching shows like ‘Dexter’ and ‘Breaking Bad’, right before bed. This was terrible for my anxiety as I would end up dreaming about it after being so highly stimulated on all the drama and then wake up exhausted.
Another thing TV is awesome for, is, like you said Mark de-motivating you and effectively keeping you depressed. More than 2 hours of TV and I feel so sluggish that I can’t think of anything better to do, so I keep going…And despite how horrible I feel, I feel like I’m stuck in a vortex and there’s no way out.

I noticed a similar thing with TV and sleep. Whenever I watched TV in the evening, especially if it was something dramatic (which includes the news these days!) my sleep would not be anywhere as good as when I did not watch TV. As a result how I wake up the next day and how tired I feel the next day, how much work I can get done in the next day all gets affected by one TV program!

Elodie, I no longer watch the TV, but when I started to cut down on the hours I spent in front of it, I did notice I could not watch scary movies just before bed, because they would play on my mind and disturb my sleep. The other thing that would seem to jangle my nerves was music videos. I used to find it hard to be in the room when my children had music channels on. I think we are much more sensitive to what comes out of our TVs than we care to notice.

I know exactly what you mean Elodie! A few weeks ago I got quite into a book, and was reading it a lot throughout the day. It was a fantasy book with some violence in it, and it was certainly hooking. Reading it before bed had the same effect as you shared – caused strange dreams, anxiety and a ‘glazed over feeling’ being the main ones!

tv is highly damaging if we choose to check out in front of it. Absolutely 100% agree with you and your blog and have also felt the crazy damaging effects from it all.. I do not watch much at all these days but will watch something if I do have the feeling to but am very aware of how I am when watching it

Yes exactly, I’d say most likely not the intention – quite the opposite I’d say.., numbing people into not thinking for themselves and instead allowing to be bombarded with stuff so not conducive to awareness or well-being… it appears to be just a huge distraction and delay device.

I understand what you are saying here Natasha.
I watch very little TV now, but choose to be aware when I do. I am noticing though, that in being aware that I do feel dulled as opposed to how I felt before watching TV. A bigger understanding is unfolding here for me. As all of life has moments that affect us, even when we are fully present. It is opening up for greater honesty in how I am feeling and for gentle ponder as to what exactly affects me and why.

Mark Payne you are stupendous. Stupendous for making the changes you have, stupendous for sharing it with the World and stupendous for being YOU. This is a blog that so many people will be able to relate to. THANK YOU!

I agree, Shevon, and not only many people with TV-addiction can relate to this article. Whatever addiction I might have chosen is lovingly handled in the way Mark lived, studied and mastered his choices around TV-watching and self-loving.

Love this Felix – watching and self-loving – is the key, to be truly watching and observing and then bring self loving choices in to see how what we have observed, is affecting us and then make these loving choices.

Yes Carmin I certainly know I’m delaying ‘living the truth we already are’ when I numb out to TV. I’ve always had this notion that without all that distraction they’d be an emptiness I can’t handle but actually this isn’t true.

It’s a great realisation isn’t it Karin – that it is not true that there will be an emptiness if we stop checking out… I find that too – no emptiness, just so much more space and connection to my self as well as others.

Carmin, I love this, we do know the truth and we also know precisely how to dull our awareness and numb what we are feeling. I know far more than I care to admit even to myself. I play it dumb or less in order to not stand up and take responsibility because if I don’t know then someone else will have to do it for me. How conventiently comfortable is that?

Mark I love your honesty in stating how harming excessive TV can be- a big distraction which stops us from connecting to our body to really feel what is needed in that moment e.g. perhaps a walk, social gathering with friends, cook a nurturing meal , some gentle exercise. TV is something so accessible and acceptable these days but do we stop and allow ourself to really feel what it is doing to our body as you have done? And what about the detrimental effects it can have on children,? This is worth pondering upon.

It is definitely worth pondering on Loretta I agree. Observing not only the physical effects but the mental, emotional and sociological effects too. So much of what is broadcast creates a very false perception of the world, a perception that many then compare themselves and their lives to and create false expectations they cannot live up to.

Marc when you say that you don’t need to give up but just can choose to be all that you are i notice that I pondered on it for a moment. Being all that I am…. I can feel that means for me that there is in every moment a way that I feel to express if I connect with my heart. That expression can be that I feel to move my body to do a wash. Ot it can mean to call a certain person. It can be anything. It is to respond to my inner feeling of what I want to express. If I go out of that connection by hanging behind the TV without any purpose it will be hard to feel the true impulse of the body but still it is there. And it is so loving to claim that back. It gives such a great feeling to follow the rhythm of your own body. We are all energy first ad from there we made bodies. When we express our naturally rhythm we start to expand and that means for me to be all that I am again.

Sylvia I feel you have highlighted a really important point here, when we loose connection and no longer choose purpose as our intention we dull and lose our true impulse … For me it feels to choose purpose supports our natural rhythm and expression. So TV is the perfect example, if we watch a program for true purpose we don’t get numbed out but if we decide to just fill some hours and ‘vege out’ it saps our energy.

‘If I go out of that connection by hanging behind the TV without any purpose it will be hard to feel the true impulse of the body but still it is there. And it is so loving to claim that back.’ Wonderful expression Sylvia. Besides watching television I can check out doing all sorts of things. Great reminder to stay connected with the true impulse of my body whenever and whatever.

Thanks Mark for this frank and honest account of your “addiction”.Many people in the world would not consider TV an addiction, but I agree with you, it truly is. And thankyou Serge and Universal Medecine for reminding us all that there are many other wonderful things to be doing with our spare time like walking in and admiring the beauty of nature, lovingly preparing nourishing meals, reading amazing books, connecting with people and expressing ourselves in blogs and articles..!

This is a great point, Tim, when I face an addiction, to honestly feel into the possible choices. When I honestly feel the alternative choices I get much more real about what I choose for myself and for the people I live with.

Sounds awesome Felix – it is back to truly feeling into it and honestly so; that will allow us to see what is truly going on and perhaps allowing then for a different choice, supportive of self and all.

I agree Tim. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have woken me up to the fact that it is so rewarding and enjoyable to live with conscious presence. I have become aware of different levels of presence in everything I do. The truth is even when I am seemingly there with my attention I can be miles away.

In the past I would come home from work and one of the first things I would do is put the television on. I would then be glued to the television often with a glass of wine in my hand to numb out all that I didn’t want to feel from my day.

Yes Fiona, I remember turning on the TV would be the first thing I did when I came into the house. It would remain on even if no one was in the room. It was like having company or some background noise. In a way I think I was trying to avoid the silence and what that might bring up. I definitely used the TV to distract myself.

That kind of behaviour is very common, as when most people have been tired out by a day at work they automatically go to the TV for some relief, and it for me is to rewire my brain to instead go for a walk or talk to someone if my day has been tough.

Brilliant Mark. Looking back I can see how much of living I missed out on by being ensnared by the lure of the television or, worse for me, getting lost in books and then walking around in my day still thinking about the book or the program. I also used to have a book and TV together, reading during the ads! Not really present with my family. I was not being fully present and committed in other areas of my life either as I was always escaping into my mind and into the scenarios the books and TV had planted in me. I suspect this happens to many.
Having time and space for so many other things now that you rarely watch TV or for me, ever read novels means more true connection with others and also, importantly, with ourselves, no longer avoiding life and people, but embracing them and it.

Jeanette I used to watch TV to late and then I would go to bed and read a book until my eyes could no longer focus. Of course I’d wake up tired (but that was my normal), kick start the day with a few coffees, and check out with a book at any available moment. And I called that living! It is great to reflect on this now, and see where and when shades of this behaviour still re-emerge at times.

Gosh Jeanette reading your comment reminded me that I would do that too. Read a novel in the adds…..what a desperate measure to not have a minute to connect with yourself. It also reminded me that I would take a novel with me everywhere and if I had any time between what I was doing I would read it, even at school I would have it under the desk and escape into my latest fantasy story. I would use it to avoid my self and people. How different my life is now thanks to Serge Benhayon who supported me to see that every-thing I need is already with in and no TV show or novel can ever be as good as connecting with my-self and then others.

“…no TV show or novel can ever be as good as connecting with my-self and then others.” – I agree Mary-Louise! I used to use TV and novels as a way to try and seek out the true connection with people that I was missing in my daily life, which of course it could never make up for. Through the support of Universal Medicine I have learnt to develop a much truer connection with myself that I can now take to everyone whom I meet; it’s something that I continually develop and have found to be a much more fulfilling way to live.

This is lovely Fiona – … “I have learnt to develop a much truer connection with myself that I can now take to everyone whom I meet; ” What a freeing way to be and live with no more bind to external stimulation that do not support us but hinder us from true connection to our self and others.

Gosh Jeanette, I can relate to what you are saying, I would go to bed and first would read a novel and couldn’t stop until it was finished. I tried to stop and go to sleep by saying to myself ‘when this chapter is finished I will go to sleep’. Sometimes I managed to do so and couldn’t sleep because I needed to know how the plot would go further. Often I would say the same thing after every chapter but couldn’t stop and would finish the book. This could be at 5 am while I had to get up at 7 am and my days were full of anxiousness because of this reward in escaping, truly horrible because of the complete absence of a connection with myself, other people and life in general.

Thank you Mark for exposing, through sharing your own person experience, of how addictive and debilitating television can be. Because it is now so part of the present day culture its addictive quality is not generally discussed yet its impact is huge, as you so clearly share. This is a topic of how damaging and invasive the influence of television is deserves to be far more publically addressed.

This is powerful Jeanette, so many of us now have phones to reach for in the ad breaks or anytime we don’t really want to watch what we are looking at anyway – that bored of what we are doing but keeping that going while we do something else – a check out within a check out?

Great observation – and well named – a checkout within a checkout – so true. And I observe that a lot, even in conversations with people often there seems to be a momentary checkout by some people when in the middle of conversations the phone gets picked up to be looked at, fleetingly so but still a check-out.

I completely agree Jeanette, as one who used to day dream my life away, head always somewhere else and never in the present moment with my body I know all about how to escape reality. Having ditched the T.V and binned the books, life is so much more enjoyable these days, being present and connected with myself and with others is so much more fun and fulfilling, there is nothing on this earth that can entice me back to my old ways.

Mark your blog here is very relatable for me. Tv for me is a great marker as to how I am in my rhythms. If I feel the need to watch tv lately, I usually catch myself and can feel I have made that choice without presence and my mind is saying, I’ll just watch a few minutes of this show, totally sabotaging staying connected to me and it is usually when there is something that needs my attention and I am not yet wanting to address it. And what you share here about choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done,
this is so true, as my love needs no fillers, it is absolutely enough.

Julie I can relate to this …’ I usually catch myself and can feel I have made that choice without presence and my mind is saying, I’ll just watch a few minutes of this show, totally sabotaging staying connected to me and it is usually when there is something that needs my attention and I am not yet wanting to address it.’ Thanks for reminding me of this pattern of avoidance that I have slipped into lately.

Hear hear Gabriele and Joel – so true. Time to really reflect on what does still take us away from our true self and feel within why that may be so, so that we then can make more different choices again.

This is brilliant Mark. Imagine counting up all the hours spent watching TV even for a week, and then looking at what you could be doing instead….. My TV watching has significantly reduce over the years and like you this choice then opens up so much more space for other things.

Yes Marcia, and not just that – it just feels so different in the body, when there is no need to fully check out. It is an awesome feeling that the energy is there to be and interact and do what needs or wants doing. Love it.

‘When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ I agree Mark, my day has far more purpose when I am just being me and going with my natural flow.

As you say Mark it is not about giving something up but of “saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am”. It now nearly 10 years since I have had a television and it has felt so liberating as I can relate so well to your TV’d’s.

Yes I agree, one of the best decisions we ever made (aside from attending the Universal Medicine events!) was to give up the T.V. Apart from the quality of programmes, the sheer amount of time that one can waste is extraordinary and these days there are far more interesting things to be doing and enjoying. Awesome to break out of the addiction and discover that there are so many more things to do that truly support us to evolve.

I don’t have much time for watching TV on a daily basis any more but there was certainly a time in my life when I would have found it quite distressing if I hadn’t had my TV time, Like I had missed out on something important happening. I then discovered what I call TV bingeing grabbing a series and watching it for three days in a row, you quickly discover the writers formula for episodes and how unoriginal each episode is. I also felt drained, a fuzzy head and it took me a few days to come out of the haze. It was a great big checkout form life and everything, which I know soemtimes we feel we want to do but at what cost, the question I had to ask was how am I living that I feel I need to check out?

Nicole, I remember this. In the UK when I was at school we adopted Home & Away and Neighbours from Australia and there was nothing stopping almost the entire year watching it at lunch time in the common room. We would not have missed an episode for the world. It was religious, sacrosanct and completely obsessive. We were most definitely addicted.

Yep I have felt that too, even when I watched something that was rubbish I still would not get up and turn the tv off but would sit and watch it thinking ‘this is rubbish’ it was like a really horrible energy I could feel keeping my eyes and mind transfixed to the tv. I would have to really consciously snap out of it, turn it off and walk away.

Totally know that TV fix Nicole, immerse in a complete checkout – feel completely drained and exhausted from sitting on the couch through all the mental exertion, drama and suspense no doubt and then still want more. What do we knowingly choose when we sign up for a TV series?

Thanks for a great blog Mark. One of the things that I have also found is that it’s easy to slip into feeling resentful or hard done by when facing up to the need to change a behaviour. It can seem as if I am somehow being penalised. Of course I realise that this doesn’t make a lot of sense and that there is more to look at, but it none the less shows how much we can fight ourselves about leaving the familiar behind, such as using the TV to numb and distract ourselves, even when we know the rewards are so huge.

Your comment that “it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does” – is pure gold. There is nothing like truly feeling how things really affect us, taking responsibility for our state of being and then making different choices. These choices then last forever and have nothing to do with willpower or motivation, they are organically and intrinsically our very own choices.

Well said Gabriele. When we make a change because we can feel how it is affecting us, there is no willpower or control needed. It’s not even about saying no to whatever it is, it’s about saying yes to more love for ourselves, and in turn, for others.

Gabriele, so true those choices we make where we truly feel how things affect us and make them in our own time and rhythm are for keeps – we feel it in our own bodies and it’s not a knowledge out there from someone else. And with those choices we make like this I know from experience that they are just natural and totally part of us and people just get them as they can feel the absolute lived quality of them in our bodies.

Thanks very much for this honest blog about the way we can use TV to numb out and distract. It is a big one! I was brought up in the days where there was no TV and I can remember immensely enjoying life without it. But I got very hooked on some programs once Tv entered our town, stage right, in about 1962. Then for many more years in student digs we never had TV, or when it was there we were too interested in expounding our philosophies of life at night to get into it. Some years later very at the age of 26 when I began a new and long relationship with my husband-to-be, we would watch TV and I found it compelling! There is still something in me that likes to watch an hour of it a night if there are no people to engage with. It is interesting to observe what I pick and why I pick it. What exactly am I using TV for? For example now that I have got to the bottom of my issue of betrayal I no longer need to watch movies about betrayal! I have seen that there are definitely occasions when I am going for comfort, and there are times I am using it for research and to keep on the pulse of what is being reflected back to society about how we are living.
I so agree Mark – it can be such a drain on life if we give our power away to it.

I can relate to what you have shared here Lyndy…especially how TV can be good research to get a snapshot of where humanity is at and the kinds of conversations that are going on. If I look at the trend of programs on TV over the last 10 years, Reality TV is a reflection of where we are at with our relationships…the fact that we are so enthralled at watching others live shows the choices that we have made to pull back from our own lives and real connections with people, because if we were truly living in full there would be no need or desire for this.

Mark, this is a really super post, love the honesty too, you nail some really fantastic aspects of TV, and love the TVD’s (!!) . Whatever it is, when we become aware, and act on the awareness, there is such freedom.

Mark, I would love to not look at this issue at all. TV is a seductive and entertaining, body numbing, time sucking, allowing issue that I quite enjoy at times. I also know I love it when I don’t have a TV at all. There is more space and more conversation. I go to bed when I feel to without the pull of just watching something else, I don’t feel I’m missing out on something if I am not watching it and there is no temptation to turn it on instead of doing something else or just being with others. I find that TV can take me away from feeling what is true for me and so I miss an opportunity to grow and express and that feels sad.
I love movies and some great tv programs, and I feel that I can occasionally watch things that I might enjoy but not at the expense of the way I want to live my life and not at the expense of my relationships with others. It is easy for the television to be on whenever there is an awkward moment or to fill up an emptiness, when it could be used more wisely. Now having ways we can watch things when we choose to rather than when a tv station programs it means we can watch that well chosen program when we want to and turn it off when we have finished, and some days we don’t need to turn it on at all.

I can relate to your ‘plight’ Mark. I still watch movies and sometimes get hooked into a TV series as well, but every time I do I get a niggling sense that something is not right for me to do this yet … I persist. After reading your blog I am feeling more resolved to honour my knowing at times when it whispers – ‘that movie is not a loving idea right now’ or ‘what are you checking out from now Jeannette” ‘How about doing some gentle exercise to support the pain in your back instead?’ Love it, thanks for sharing it is very inspiring.

I like this line Mark … ‘it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am’. The only way I’ve found to truly make changes is to choose loving myself more.

That’s it Anne and Mark, letting go of things that don’t support us is the way to make changes in our life. Years ago, I stopped smoking. I was 28 and I remember distinctly saying to myself, I’m not quitting smoking, I’m choosing to no longer be a smoker. That was it for me…I wobbled a few times in the early days, but never returned to smoking because I knew it wasn’t supporting me in anyway, and so I chose more love for myself.

True Anne, when I follow an idea or rule to change my behaviour it has never ever has been a true change. It could take a while or longer but I would come back to my former not supportive behaviour. When it comes from feeling me inside and support the love that I am, it can come back too but when I stay true to myself eventually it will change and last. Even to a point that I cannot even imagine that it was such a big deal to give it up in the first place.

I found this blog super informative and appreciate the deeper understanding offered of the deep and entwined short and long term effects of unhealthy TV watching patterns.
I watched very little TV growing up or in adulthood however i can see how relatable this is to us all – it may not be TV but what other means, tools or avenues to we turn to to take the edge off life, not be aware, escape or withdraw from life.? There is a smorgasbord on offer every moment. The question is one of responsibility and commitment to life which you have demonstrated in your blog Mark and whether we are saying and living a true yes to this and to what degree.

I have so much respect for you Mark for making changes that feel true to you rather than to change it because others are doing it also. The truth is following or copying what we are told is true does not allow us to reach truth, it only gives us a picture which is never reachable by skipping the steps in between, so what we think we have reached is never true, when in fact, there is no one destinative picture to work towards in love or truth.

I love what you say Adele – I know I have copied what others have done all my life and I am now realising that as you say it ‘only gives us a picture which is never reachable by skipping the steps in between’. When we begin to take these steps for ourselves we can truly feel the difference and begin to unfold and explore who we truly are.

I agree Adele, this is huge. Mark’s honesty allows me to feel that I still choose many things because I want to ‘fit in’. In the long run this never works and I lose sight of who I am. I love the fact that Mark allowed himself to feel what affect TV was having on his body and life, his observations have allowed me to see the full picture when it comes to TV.

Mark I can relate to every T.V.’D’ point you make. I’d already started admitting these ‘D’s to myself so one night I thought I’ll just have one last TV binge before I gave it up (yeah, for a day or so!) so watched the remaining episodes of a series.

In the morning I knew I didn’t feel right, like I had a hangover – I’d let in the energy of what I’d been watching. All day I couldn’t shake this and knew my work with people was suffering. Then someone pulled out in front of me when I was driving and I couldn’t stop in time so we crashed. Such a clear sign that I was letting in energy from watching TV that was smashing me.

Despite this I still haven’t given TV up but it’s on the cards. Now it’s difficult to find anything I actually want to watch. I use TV to numb feelings of emptiness so am building a relationship with myself so I no longer need to numb out.

Thank you for your honesty Karin because it is very needed that we are more honest with each other. It is so ironic that we are using TV to fill emptiness while watching TV is actually creating the emptiness.

Yes, anything but reconnecting with oneself, will only bring greater emptiness. If what we’re doing comes from a need then we’re asking the world to fill us up and the world isn’t who we are so we get filled up with what we’re not and lose ourselves further.

There has been different periods of my life where watching TV felt different to me. I used to rely on watching TV to deeply numb and even to fall asleep every night when I was younger. Around 8 years ago, I still watched the occasional movie to find that I still fell asleep everytime and ended up not finishing watching anything. Now even if I sit for 10 mins in front of the TV, I know it is already far too much and I get restless and would have to stop. I needed TV to numb before, and choosing to not numb anymore, watching TV then clearly feels harming.

Great topic Mark as it is common in our society to be absorbed in TV especially at night usually wanting to check out after the days work. I discovered a little while ago that when I muted the adds in between the show I was watching that my whole body would let go of the tension/anxiety it was holding which had built up through watching a show. This was only a matter of 1/2hr in front of the TV. This proved to me that while watching TV there is a definite stimulation to the body causing it to tighten up and become quite racy. I felt the body was thanking me when muting the adds as it could return to a more relaxed state. You can imagine what state the mind and body are in when watching a whole night of tv without sapping the adds. No wonder it is difficult to go to sleep or even feel revitalised in the morning on waking.

This is gorgeous Mark, I love your powers of self observation and your total willingness to be so open and honest. Your ending line, “Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” This is the greatest ending there ever could be. You just so simply and clearly outlined why no New Years Resolution works, if it is about thinking you have to give up something instead of claiming what it is you are getting it is a constant vicious cycle of will power, one difficult choice after the next. Truly brilliant Mark, thank you 🙂

Your words remind me Mark of how TV was for me a constant friend, a stand in human-being who always had something to say every day, was colourful, loud and entertaining and would give me their full attention. Looking back I can see how I preferred a TV in many ways to people. There was no confrontation or anger, or at least if there was, I could always change the channel. Today I can look back and see how the TV wasn’t actually fulfilling me, but just draining, numbing and temporarily satiating my true desire for connection and intimacy. Although I no longer have a TV I’ve been seeing recently how this numbing behaviour can come in equally with food, work, relationships or the internet too. It’s brilliant though to be able to see this and know I am being called to return to my true station and program – to be more intimate and true.

TV can be such a big numbing tool to us that we unconsciously use to distract ourselves form our obligations in the world. Thank you Mark for your detailed listing of T.V. D’s where TV does interfere with us, and is actually harming our being and our expression.

TV is a strange one. I enjoyed watching it for a long time as well but then we moved and I made it slightly harder to watch TV and suddenly I stopped watching altogether without any effort. TV is curious – people who watch TV expend less energy than even those who do nothing at all. It slows down our metabolism very nicely.

TV is an addiction no different to drugs and alcohol, I love how you expose this in your blog Mark.
Any form of addiction is as bad as another. I know this because I used to be addicted to drugs of all sorts then for a while I gave them up and took up hours of yoga each day, this turned out to be another addiction. I could not go a day without doing yoga. I may have given up the drugs but because I did not deal with the underlying reason of why I needed them in the first place I simply replaced one distraction for another.

I can certainly relate to having been addicted to the television, having previously been addicted to books, both used to distract me from the seemingly never ending challenges my life was throwing at me, and the ensuing exhaustion was a great excuse to switch on the telly and relax. Now that the challenges have dramatically reduced and the exhaustion is almost nonexistent I have to scramble for a reason to watch TV – but I usually can find one – and from watching that one occasional programme I can feel the power of the addiction trying to pull me back in to watching ‘just one more”. I have so much in my life these days that I choose to do and one TV watching hour in my day is one hour less for me to do what is to be done. I know that getting rid of the TV is not the answer, but what is holding me in that last little bit of addictive energy is the crucial question.

It is an interesting question Ingrid what holds me from letting go of the last bit of time in the day that is just for me, a time to check out, or numb or even the need to reward myself for working hard the rest of the day.

I love the honesty that you have shared here Mark. I haven’t owned or had a TV for over 10 years now and I can’t imagine a life with one. I love the space and freedom that I feel in my home by not owning a TV. I also love that my flat mate and I sit down and connect whenever we are home together, we communicate and share, which I am sure would be different if we had a TV that was on.

When I was at University I lived in a share house that didn’t have a TV. Generally we always had people in the house as we would all get together and connect. It was amazing to feel how drawn people were to the house because it was about connection.

Me too Donna – since I don’t have a TV, I have much more time for myself and other people, which is great. Sitting in front of the TV always felt like I wasted my time and a connection to other people never really happened because how can I connect to somebody, when I’m not connected to myself ? Normally I checked out in front of the TV. I’m so grateful, that my life has changed a lot and that I don’t need a TV any more.

The box that is used for everything from checking out to be the baby sitter for the kids that was once a big heavy box in the house that we glued our self too has moved to every size imaginable and portable to insure we can plug in everywhere 24/7. Ah the days when the Matix will allow us to be plugged in directly will be the ultimate check out. Life with out TV is just that… Life.

And life moves at a much slower pace, with out special effects. The real world can become a bit dull when compared with the hyped up, special effects version given on TV and in movies. TV is a great tool for losing the ability to see the magic of life.

Great blog Mark thank you, my friend. I wanted to add to your D’s by mentioning the devaluing content of tv – it really is shocking the way much of it comes with the energy of this is what you want to know and it is very dumbing down and imposing.

It is not about giving something up, it is saying YES to you, I love that. We can only change a habit when we do it for ourselves. No one can tell us to give up something, we are the only ones who can say YES to who we are.

Mark thank you for your sharing. This line really stood out for me “When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” This is the key choosing to be all that we are, any less causes distraction and numbness. Thank you for this reminder as lately I was getting distracted and numb with silly things and was wondering what was going on. It really is about constantly choosing to be all that we are.

TV can be a drug like any other that can take us away from life and cause separation from others. TV sport fosters the separation and tribalism pitting one group against another or individual against another and affecting the mood of millions as they feel elated or deflated according to who ‘wins’.The TV wins.

Understanding what makes us choose something like watching TV or anything else to numb ourselves and observing the effects of it, is key in then making a decision to stop doing it. It has to come from love that we give up something, that is not working for us. I can go without watching movies or series for a long time, to then find myself going back to watching again. I am feeling the effects of it when I watch and I see it around me too. The most disturbing effect is that I am disconnected from the people around me, my family, when I choose to watch TV and in truth who wants that, I know I don’t. Thank you Mark for your honest report on the effects of watching TV

So true Katinka, “It has to come from love that we give up something”. I have found this to be essential and a thousand times more successful than when I have attempted to come from a belief, ideal or theory. Observing the real effects of our activities from a position of love provides us with an irrefutable benchmark from which to evaluate an activity’s true worth. Anything that harms our bodies in any way is not worthy of our attention, we are such delicate, glorious beings and so often the more we realise that, the easier it becomes to let them go. Staying connected with ourselves and our family members is so much more enjoyable, nothing can compare.

I haven’t had any addictions to alcohol, drugs or anything of that nature, but addictions to sugar and T.V were up there at the top. I would say they were my drugs and like all forms of drugs I used them to numb and bury what I did not want to feel about life. Like you, Mark I would push my body to stay up later than it wanted so I could get to the end of a program and then would be tired the next day. However, gradually and slowly over time I could feel the impact watching TV had on my body…I could definitely feel the drain you speak of, the mental stimulation and the dulling of my awareness and the numbing out. There are still times when I feel the pull to watch TV but before I cave into the craving I ask myself, what is it that I don’t want to feel? This provides the perfect stop.

This is beautiful Mark so honest and shows the real choices of love from feeling your body and not being told to and giving up things approach where when we weaken we reward ourselves back to these things again so its a slippery merry go round. Your amazing commitment and responsibility to yourself now stands out lovingly as an inspiration for all to see.

A much needed blog Mark. I’m sure most people in the world are unaware of the effects of watching TV or that they are actually addicted to it. I have lived without a TV for many many years and am so much happier within myself. I used to find that TV made me depressed. I much prefer living my own life rather than watching other people live theirs.

This is a timely blog Mark. For years, in my 30’s and 40’s I chose not to have a TV. Then my Dad bought one for me, I accepted it and the slow addiction began. I’m back to no TV. When the old one died three months ago, I didn’t rush to replace it. I found that because I lived with myself, TV became my companion, someone I came home to and often switched on the moment I walked in. Selective about what I watched and for the past few years, never watched beyond 8-9 pm, but still the pull to watch was there and still is via my lap top where I watch the news and catch up TV. But it feels different, a step away from zoning out on the sofa before the box in the corner. It’s likely I will replace the TV but I’m in no hurry to do so. But it’s not TV, per se, it’s how we relate to and use it. With more purpose in life, there is lots of space for me to be me and less doing nothing and numbing myself. Watching TV aimlessly is like wasting away life, in other people’s worlds, not our own.

Mark, I can relate to what you say about your relationship with your dad. I feel my father did not know how to relate either and he used to watch hours of TV. If I wanted to feel connected to him I would go and watch it with him. As a little girl I used to sit on his lap while he watched TV. This was my way of feeling close to him, but I can feel now looking back that his attention was not truly on me it was on the TV, even though at the time we may both have thought we were connecting.

For a few months I’ve observed my attachment (addiction) to a ‘healthy’ food, nuts and recognised that I used them to fill an emptiness I still have. I stopped to ask myself what I gained from eating nuts: sweetness, comfort, safety, numbing. The consequence of constantly filling and numbing myself is it stops me from fully surrendering to the love that I am. Thank you Mark for this: ‘it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am’.

Yes, Mark. In my experience with other kinds of ‘addictions’ it is not about denying yourself or using discipline. True change occurs when we are open to seeing the harm something is causing us, and loving ourselves too much to let it continue.

Yes, when we have a stronger foundation of love addictions seem to lose their strength, as Mark says, ‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ Loving ourselves too much to let the addictions continue is key to lasting change.

I love what you have written Janet: “True change occurs when we are open to seeing the harm something is causing us, and loving ourselves too much to let it continue.” Loving ourselves too much is the best medicine ever and it is sad that it is out of fashion so to speak.

Mark great to read your blog – one of your last sentences jumped out at me – ‘that making choices are from a place that is saying YES to all of me’ – what a massive confirmation as to why it make so much sense to do what feels right in the body. Breaking down the habits that we have been so dedicated at and let them go, which can only happen as you say from a place when you are ready to.

I can say I have also experienced all those T.V.D’s you’ve mentioned Mark. Giving up T.V is something I have not regretted as it got to the point I would watch a movie and then it would play on repeat in my mind and in my dreams for months afterwards! It’s simply not worth it as I would then get frustrated for the feedback loop being there. Wanting to connect with others is also something I had strongly experienced while watching T.V with others, much prefer to talk through the very predictable movie (often saying out loud what was going to happen as no movie is original these days, they follow a standard path) and wanting to engage and connect with the other person. But connection and numbing are like the same ends of a magnet – numbing does not want to connect, it wants to numb and disconnect. I loved reading the part where you have come to the awareness of what TV does, but there feels like a level of acceptance in not instantly cutting out T.V but feeling your way through it. Just dropping something we are told or think or believe is bad for us without feeling it doesn’t heal anything and accepting that it’s a process that needs to happen feels very supportive, Thank you Mark.

Mark, this is great to read. I used to watch a lot of t.v as a child, that was what we did in the evenings as a family – sit in front if the t.v, this was what most families I knew did. I can feel it seemed ‘normal’ at the time, but on reflection how this stopped us connecting with each other. About 5 years ago I made the decision to not have a t.v and I do not miss it at all, it now seems very ‘normal’ to not have a t.v and to come home, talk with my family about how we are and what has happened in our days.

Cool article, Mark, and such a hot topic. Specially reading this in early January, when people make so many resolutions to give up this or that. It’s very inspirational to not see it as “giving up”, but as “saying yes to who I truly am”. Brilliant.

So true Felix as the ‘giving up’ never truly works because it comes from ‘letting go of something we think we love/like, therefore thinking we are denying ourselves something even though we may know it’s not good for us. Connecting to what we truly feel and starting to making more loving choices allows for true change and re-connection to who we truly are.

Wow Mark thank you for sharing your very clear understanding of what TV can truly do to you.
It is incredible to read all the different effects – which I too can relate to – and to see the TV for what it is- a way to shut off from the world.
It is very easy to get comfortable with a habit or something we can own as our own. And it also seems we are prone to wanting some form of comfort in our lives, so whether it is drugs, alcohol, food or TV it all comes down to the same thing of a way that is ours and only ours to shut out the world.
But the understanding you bring to TV is very beautiful and something deeply inspiring for others to learn from.

In an already anxious state about life, I would often use TV as a substitute for being with people. Too anxious to go outside, the TV would make me feel like I was still a part of what was happening in the world, without actually having to be outside in amongst it. It’s like the TV would provide a safe way to be in relationship with all that is life, a safe way that I could control, just by flicking through the channels.

It’s true. TV can keep us in the illusion that we are actually connecting with people and with life. But in reality we are retreating. It is purely a distraction from real life and does not support us in connecting and expressing with others. In this way it can be seen as being retarding.

This is a much needed blog Mark and one I can relate to 100%, as I am sure many many people will also. Growing up in our household the TV became the main focus and it was not until I reached my 40’s that I started to feel the numbing effect of the TV, and how important it had become in my life. In my observation it takes you away from feeling lonely, stops you thinking about any problems you may be experiencing at the time, wastes time when you don’t know what to do with yourself, gives us an excuse to check out from life and feel relieved from the stress, and we can also use it as a babysitter. One huge side effect of watching too much TV is the lack of interest in the outside world and it re-inforces the resistance in wanting to deal with anything in life. This was my choice of drug for many years.

I agree – where as before the invention of the TV, most houses kitchens where the hub of the family, where almost everything was done and where the family spent their time together having meals etc, now the TV has taken the centre stage, with most families crowding round it and spending the majority of their time in the sitting room. Now family time consists of a movie rather than a conversation or a meal at the table.

This is an excellent point Rebecca. The definition of ‘family time’ and the hub of the house has changed dramatically since the invention of TV. There is a TV in almost every room of my house at home, even out side! It is a bit sad to see the reality of what has happened, that true family connection and love has been replaced by numbing and distraction by watching the TV.

Thank you for your honesty and sharing how facing the addiction to television was for you Mark. I have also found that giving up an ‘avoidance’ once I had uncovered it’s insidious hold on my life meant that when I finished with something it was finished for ever. We all have patterns that takes us out – choosing to look deeply at these patterns has been empowering and life giving, it has also allowed me to connect to me and celebrate that.

This is such an awesome blog Mark because it debunks so many reasons why we make TV or any addiction for that matter ok. It gets you looking a little deeper at the choices you are making and to truly base them on your own experiences rather than those of people around you. So often in life we can make a choice to fit in rather than honouring what we feel for ourselves. It is evident from your blog that the change you have made is true as ‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ Love how you have claimed back the true you!

This is a very honest blog Mark about an important subject. How many people must be affected by this addiction? And yet we don’t openly call it an addiction yet in the same way we do with drugs or food. Maybe this is because TV has become such a comfortable member of almost every household on the planet that we don’t want to look at the true impact this ‘family member’ is having?

That is huge Andrew, because it gives an indication that we do not feel we are enough, that our families are enough, and we fill the airtime with ‘TV chatter’. It means we are less likely to develop really fundamental social skills of being in relationship with each other as we grow up… and these are the foundation of how we then go out into society and interact with everyone else.

Yes Andrew and maybe because the TV’s out number us now. There used to be in most household a single TV, maybe 2 if you were wealthy. Now there are TV’s on your phone, on the fridge, in the bathroom, pretty much everywhere you go but hey we aren’t addicted. Maybe it’s the TV’s that are addicted to us, haha. It’s possible we don’t see the full effects of what the household appliance is having on us, just yet anyway.

“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” So true Mark. We can substitute any number of distractions in place of TV; alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, chocolate, sport, work etc. When we do anything in extremis it is time to look at the reason why -what is the underlying cause? All these fill an emptiness inside and ‘saying yes’ to who we truly are can enable them to gradually fade away.

I agree Mark, from my own experience giving up a behaviour that I know is not supportive without healing the underlying reason why I am doing the behaviour first (and therefore being ready to ditch it) never works in the long term. It has to be a natural progression or step that is the end result of a greater amount of self love and self respect.

And when that occurs, how easy it is and it never comes back even as a ‘temptation’, at least that is my experience with quite a few things that ‘fell away’ when I realised something or shifted something deep within.

Your open and true way of dealing with TV-addiction in your rhythm, Mark, raises my awareness for how addictions work just as a masterpiece of clockwork to avoid being the real me. Having felt this it is easier to read my daily life and clock the different addictions that are there piled up: being ready last minute, wanting to be liked, needing to be seen, being busy every spare minute, …

Mark what you are sharing here is ground breaking. Although many of us may not feel we are addicted to TV, how TV affects us is the same nonetheless. What struck me particularly was that with any behaviour that does not serve “letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am” – this truly struck a chord with me. When we feel this we are giving ourselves permission to be ourselves in full. Putting into action support for ourselves to embody it and live it then becomes the natural way forward.

I so love the honesty you express yourself with, Mark. What I am getting is how it can be a struggle if we think we are giving something up to fit into an ideal image of some sort – no matter how good that is; whereas it feels so much more simpler if we make it about saying yes to something – something that could be harming or loving, and that discernment depends on how much honesty and love we allow in ourselves.

Great blog, Mark. I love the last paragraph also with how you describe responsibility:
“letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.”

I guess part of the problem is too that we see all around us this behaviour deemed as ‘normal life’, and then anything outside of that is often perceived as ‘weird, boring etc etc’. So if we ‘think’ all this is normal, then the urge to look beyond is most likely not felt at all, as we perceive ourselves to be just like everyone else…. sadly a comparison that does not involve loving choices …

Great blog Mark… “letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am” This is key for me and something which holds so very true. People often ask how I do the things that I do, or not do the things that I don’t do as they see it, and this sentence is the answer. It’s not even a conscious decision to not choose something, but one to choose me.

So glad to hear this Luke as one of my kids is pretty much into the PC games too, not at all TV. So hopefully this kid will grow out of this as well…. and discover how much life and truly living it has to offer.

Thanks Mark, I love the way you wrote this, very fresh and honest. My experience of TV is more and more that I feel I am wasting my life when I sit on front of the goggle box. It is like an erosion of the quality in my life. I find I can’t sit for more than half an hour without feeling a deep unrest that just grows the longer I stay there. This is brilliant to feel as there is no rules in this, just a deeply feeling in my body.

I so relate Stephen, although I don’t watch TV, I will sometimes watch a movie on DVD or internet. And I also find, just like you, that after half an hour unrest sets in, difficult to concentrate on the movie, and tiredness too. Often these days I don’t finish them anymore… but listen to the body and what it is telling me.

This is very exposing Mark, it is so true that interaction and communication completely stop when we watch TV. I now know why I have a great urge to eat when I occasionally watch TV, it’s because I dislike the feeling I get from the numbness and distraction. I can still sometimes get drawn into a story or a serial but I love what you present that we are all on our own journey to stop things when we truly feel to rather than stopping something because we see others stop. It’s a great reflection to see, but feeling the feeling in the body to change something is super powerful.

When we moved house recently, we made the decision that the TV wouldn’t come with us, because we hardly watched it anyway. It was so lovely to set our sitting room up for connection, with the chairs facing each other for conversation and rest, rather than all facing the TV screen.

We removed ours from the front room about 6 months ago – its irritated me there for a long time.. being the centre of attention with all the sofa’s pointed at it. When there was a sitcom being watched day in and day out as they do when you are working through the series, it was like having those people living with you whether you liked it or not! Its been like removing an unwelcome guest who has been there far too long!

What a great idea, I never thought of it! It is so common to have the TV as the centre point of the house that I did not even question it, but it makes perfect sense and feels very lovely to make the layout of the furniture about connection and rest.

Very true Rebecca – normally the entire furniture in a living room is configured based on where the TV is standing. And when there is no TV, the furniture can be placed in a way to connect to people. A completely different setup and atmosphere in the living room.

Fabulous playful blog Mark about something that can overtake and run one’s whole life, potentially one’s whole lifetime could slip past…. The negative impact of television sits in the same category as eating sugar to me – it’s like going down the rabbit hole -the illusion, numbness of the illusion and distraction set in.

I use to turn the television on when I was tired too Mark and I would tell myself ‘I need to rest and I am too tired to do anything else’ – both are lies. Television was never restful and made me more tired. This became really obvious when I learnt how to re-connect with my body when lying down as I found I could re-charge with ten minutes of rest or even ten minutes of sleep but I would never be recharged if I switched on the T.V.

That is very true Deanne. Sometimes I will fall asleep watching TV but it is never a restful sleep whereas taking a moment to lie down with the intention to re-connect has been extraordinary for changes to energy level in my day. I would not have known that had I not felt it for myself. I feel particularly tired today so will now ensure I am consciously aware of what will support and what is likely to exacerbate the tiredness. Thank you for the timely comment on a great post.

Great point Deanne. I too used TV, more so movies, to what I would call ‘rest or relax’. However in truth I was not wanting to relax but rather numb out the exhaustion I was feeling from how I was choosing to live and work. I have since discovered that truly resting and relaxing comes from when I am in connection to myself and my body and have an open dialogue with what I am honestly feeling. From there I can choose what is needed next to truly support me and my body to rest and relax.

Thanks Mark, for sharing your TV addiction, reading it was a bit of an ‘ouch’ for me. I don’t watch a lot of TV but it is generally when I’m tired and instead of going to bed early I choose to numb out. Then one bad decision follows another as I skip to another programme. Fortunately there isn’t much worth watching so I tend to turn off, but then there’s social media as a replacement, and so it goes on, and I’m late going to sleep. Breaking the cycle is a challenge, but I can see that allowing ourselves to truly feel the effects of these addictions, we will eventually come to a point where it is no longer self loving to use distractions in this harmful way.

Truly Amazing Mark, I really enjoyed reading your honest blog! I feel the truth in all of what you are saying, and love the reference “T.V.D’s”. Its amazing how after a while when we feel the effects certain things are having on us, we don’t find them hard to give them up at all even if it was something which we used to spend a lot of time doing. I know if I watch TV now, I scan through a little bit, can’t really settle and feel anxious. I get bored of watching TV in a few minutes anyway and prefer to get out and interact. Loved how you shared that you could have spent time interacting with others, evolving or doing something different but instead you chose TV. A great learning here for us all, distraction and comfort does not work!

That is it Harrison, we have to really feel the impact of what ever it is in our body and on our energy and vitality when you literally feel like the life has been sucked out of you, it just doesn’t seem ‘fun’ anymore.

Oh that pesky body, it always offers an honest reflection! How perfect is it then that TV is designed to engage the mind and distract us? I worked in TV and we were always talking about what would engage the viewer, how we could keep the viewer watching. Clearly hooks designed to distract you from doing other things in your life! Adverts are sold based on this level of engagement so they make money out of our being hooked… The more hooked the better and the more that could be charged.

Haha, love it Harrison, it always felt like this for me. TV was always big fat boredom for me and I couldn’t understand how most people used it for entertainment. But nevertheless I could get caught up in something, specifically watching serials and having to get compulsively through all the episodes, so I felt that there is something very very engaging and capturing about TV that is totally underestimated of its addictive force.

I remember spending hours watching TV and even planning my social life around it not wanting to miss a particular episode. This was in the time before TV on demand and the Internet. Without realizing, it did have an insidious control over my life. Having realised how TV robbed me of hours of my life, I no longer watch it and have to say I do not miss it at all.

As a result of a minor renovation, we sold our TV and haven’t replaced it yet, that was 8 months ago. We have a spare in another room for dvd watching. What is so lovely is that now the living room is filled with living noises like birds, the wind and the laughter (and occasional crying) of my kids.

When the kids were little, we used to have 3 week TV bans. It was not a punishment, just something I liked doing…. and after about the first day it simply receeded into the background, and other things came to the fore like nature, creative play, just hanging out, cooking etc. I remember them as magical times.

Yes, great point Simon and we have the biggest TV there is to watch and that is the world we live in. There is so much going on around us and so much to see that why do you need something else to take you away from this. Like most things that don’t bring a quality in a relationship, eventually they just fall away.

Great point Matthew, that as soon as the TV is turned off the sounds of nature fills what was otherwise drowned out by the noise of the ‘box’, and our ears once more begin to hear rather than being bombarded.

That is so lovely to read Matthew and you now have a “living” room.
As I wrote that an Eastern Rosella flew down and started chattering away on my trellis. Would’ve missed it if I had been watching TV.

From one ex TV addict to another, I can completely relate to what you are saying Mark. Growing up I used to watch hours of TV every day after school, sometimes from 4pm to bedtime, usually with a break for dinner if it wasn’t being eaten in front of the TV. Then as an adult the highlight of my day was often when I was able to slump on the sofa and watch a couple of hours before going to bed, getting so involved in whatever series I was watching at the time. Now most days I don’t watch TV, and on the days I do it is usually no longer than 30mins. I even find myself only watching it for a few minute then turning it off because it doesn’t feel so good anymore. There is usually something so much better to be doing.

Great blog, I feel we need to talk more about what the impact on TV really has on us (along with other devices). There was a time in my life when I watched way too much TV but what I could feel reading your blog was although I no longer watch TV I can still feel that hook or pull of energy in my body that would lead me to watching TV still there and not fully cleared. Now I know this I can completely clear it.

Interestingly when I had the feeling to watch a movie once a year or so, it makes it hard to find something that I like, and once I start watching I know that this is something I don’t really need anymore.

“Looking back I can feel how TV watching increased my anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing, doing just enough to get by.” I now very rarely watch TV, but when I do I find that afterwards I recognise all the things you speak of that do not support my well being at all. Great blog Mark, showing how we can replace any addiction with another. I also love the way you say that we cannot make it happen, we have to really and truly feel what we are doing to ourselves, even to the stage of overdoing it big time. That is like going to rock bottom, and in that seemingly helpless place comes a voice from that beautiful essence inside us — Love — with the message, “I am here, listen to me, time to change”, and that voice is gentle, not reprimanding or demanding, just a reminding us that we can listen to ourselves and know the truth, and so choose the change.

I appreciate the reminder here Mark of how addictive tv can be and how much we have accepted watching tv as part of our culture. I also appreciate that you have made the choice to stop watching tv that allows you to do other things – like inspiring people with your gorgeous and honest writing. Thank you Mark.

Such an honest account of an addiction that many would consider”normal” and would not think twice about! Thank you for this sharing, Mark. My checkout/addiction used to be books- I always had a book on the go and used to really look forward to getting into it every opportunity I could. I no longer read for the sake of it and honestly don’t know where I found the time! I still get the occasional craving if I see a new book by a favourite author but have not gone back to it-I am enjoying a different way of being now.

Gorgeous Mark. The observation you made about how TV hurts your eyes is fascinating. I no longer watch TV but I can feel how true this is. When I do watch TV again at some point I am going to pay far more attention to the way my body responds.

I feel my eyes hurt as well Leonne, watching TV or looking at a computer screen for too long, and also a foggy feeling in my head. Really speaks volumes about what we are actually seeing and receiving from TV.

TV, news, movies, all great stuff on a visual level was also a great escape for me, a comfort from my otherwise intense and exhausting day. It promotes irresponsibility as it allowed me to not feel the level of exhaustion I had in the day, not to mention the amount of eating the family dinner in front of the old tv screen – total disconnection!

That’s a great point Joshua, and one that Mark touched on too – the fact that TV ‘covers up’ how exhausted we are! That just proves how efficient it is at numbing us to feeling our own bodies, our awareness of life and how we are in it. From memory it also ‘covered up’ the ability to feel if I was full or hungry, I could just eat and eat in front of a telly as a child and not know I was full until I was sick!

I agree Joshua and Rachel, tv and overeating seem to go hand in hand…. TV totally numbs so while eating or having a ‘pig out’ as we would call it, the energy has already been chosen. As in one has already chosen to numb rather than be with themselves.
And as most homes have tv’s these days, with the tv screens bigger and bigger, you can start to get a sense of how much numbing and disconnection there is in the world.

Oh yes, I know this combination well Rachel! I used to watch something on TV or read a novel with a packet of BBQ corn chips. I loved reading or watching and stuffing myself with these chips and look forward to lounging around and doing it. Although this is something I no longer do, I can’t say that I am yet completely free of that yearning. A couple of years ago I can remember the horror of realising that never again in my next 500 incarnations would I ever get to eat pizza! Yet today I had a half a green apple and it was too sweet. The yearning has nothing to do with what my body is actually truly needing – it is some mad desire to want to numb and comfort myself.

Yes Lyndy, although watching TV is something I no longer do I am also not free yet of the pull to want to sit and watch it when I am tired or feeling emotional. I know how it numbs, distracts and takes me away from being present.

Yes and this blog makes such a difference I am sure, as many people will be able to relate to the many things offered here, and some might be inspired to look deeper into their own behaviour with these markers set.

Not only that, but for nailing down what those effects are. I’ve certainly felt them and when written down in a simple list its much harder to avoid taking responsibility for what actually happens when we do check out in front of the TV.

Yes I agree Simon. Writing down the effects and what we are feeling is very powerful. I found that sometimes when I know something in my mind but not express it verbally or write it down I find my ways to ignore it or change it in my mind.

“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” Brilliant sentence Mark that completely sums up our journey back to our true selves. It is so amazing that you have been able to observe and identify the real effects of watching the “Goggle Box” as it is known in our family. It is incredible what we can achieve without a T.V. My husband and I ditched the T.V 10 years ago. We will still watch a movie occasionally and the gaps in between are getting bigger and bigger, as we fill our time with other more worthwhile stuff. It is such a glorious moment when we realise that saying ‘No’ to the T.V.D’s and the like is in fact us saying a big ‘YES” to who we really are, as our vitality, purpose and joy comes flooding back.

I like your T.V.‘D’s Mark and feel the same especially the de-motivation and anti social ones. I gradually stopped watching TV because I gradually realized none of the shows were evolving humanity and were in fact reinforcing what was wrong with society. Sport was people taking something that should be fun to the extremes of seriousness. The Sitcoms were just reinforcing stereotypes and accepting ridiculous behavior. The crime dramas were pushing a weird inconsistent sense of morality, anything to get you hooked into emotion. I always knew that TV was not enlightening me, but after reading this honest blog I realize how much I was dropping my own values.

“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am”. It’s fantastic that you were able to come to this realisation of your own accord Mark. Being controlled by the TV restricts us from our own way of truly expressing.

Brilliant blog Mark Payne. There are so many ways in the the world to avoid the disquiet we feel rumbling around inside. A very honest portrayal of the true effects of what is a truly numbing past time.

What is fascinating is that these effects go by unnoticed. How can we be and feel tired in reality but then suddenly disconnect from that reality by being sat in front of a screen. This I find shocking, because I have felt it for and of myself. The numbing effects of screens has truly devastating effects on humanity.

Interesting to read the comment and see how many people also find TV can be an almost addictive but not overly productive choice. Why do people create so many things that we end up using to diminish our quality of life…what does it say about our quality of life, if TV is seen as needed contributor.

I have a TV and I like watching, but funnily enough since my move 19 months ago, I have no TV program as it just does not want to function with the channels due to some connecting problems of the house. But what it interesting, I actually do not miss it. I can watch a movie by choice on DVD or internet, but I rarely do, as I have not time for it. I ask myself sometimes how in the world could I watch up to 2 hours every evening years ago? And if someone complains of not having time to get things done, I ask how many hours of TV they watch.

Yes exactly Sonja, TV can chew up a lot of time. I know many people who say that they relax in front of the TV at the end of the day – they’re tired, they’re overwhelmed and as we know, it’s one way to escape these feelings for a few hours each day but they don’t go away. They’re still there when the TV goes off.

Very true, watching TV gets in the way of doing everything else. This passive way of being gets in the way of expressing yourself out there in the world. I remember times that I felt really depressed after watching TV not even wanting to get off from the couch and go out to the store.

Yes it is a good question Sonja, the evening can go by in a flash when the TV is on, such a waste of precious time. Yet I think that is because I value that space in my evening. I value it to ensure I am setting myself up well for the next day. There was a time I didn’t value this level of
preparation or time with myself and the TV was my time for me after a long day at work, it was my time to reconnect with me…goodness, I did no reconnecting watching TV at all really, just a great deal of distraction. It takes a choice to consider all the different aspects of the affect of TV on our lives in order to break the hold it has on us and this blog offered some great pointers.

Mark what you share is so gorgeous and powerful, thank you. It is really worth celebrating that moment we feel our own depth of loveliness surpasses the need to bring something in from the outside to fill up. I love how you describe the traits of TV watching and disclose it for the distraction it is.

Great article Mark. As a society we spend an extraordinary amount of time on devices whether it is TV, iPad, iPhone, computer etc for the sole purpose of checking out. Your honesty of your own addiction here is very supportive and absolutely not uncommon.

In many ways the phone addiction feels much worse as it is at our fingertips 24 hours a day, we carry it around with us all day – never a moment without. And the bigger the storage capacity the more people use it for watching movies or playing games on their phones, no matter where they are. TV, in my upbringing, at least was something one did in the evening, the TV was never on during the day – but these days the phone??

As you say Marcia, “As a society we spend an extraordinary amount of time on devices whether it is TV, iPad, iPhone, computer etc for the sole purpose of checking out.” We have made this way of being completely normal when interacting with our modern day technology. The beauty of Mark’s article is that he is showing us how TV can rule our lives, our patterns of behaviour and how it can affect us in work and during the day. A very, much needed wake up call.

Yeah I so agree Marcia, what Mark presents gives us all a moment to truly consider how we are with all we do. As you say the number of devices we can use to numb out are huge and when you stop and feel their true effects it is not surprising how much we can be knocked out of our true rhythm.

This is so true Marcia, ‘As a society we spend an extraordinary amount of time on devices whether it is TV, iPad, iPhone, computer etc for the sole purpose of checking out.’ Everywhere I go I see people on I-Phones in particular, I notice that often people aren’t communicating with those around them but are instead staring into a screen. I notice with myself how addictive I find my I-Phone and check it often unnecessarily.

Awesome Mark, I never really looked at how bad TV actually is and I have to admit I have done most of the D’s. Much of our lives can be wasted staring at a box which doesn’t evolve us in the slightest and keeps us away from who we truly are and what we actually feel. This is time we can never get back. I don’t watch TV like I used to but I am still far from totally stopping it.

I little while ago I was home alone which doesn’t happen often and was really enjoying the stillness and peace and decided to settle down and watch a movie uninterupted. After a while I realised I was in absolute bliss and wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else or doing anything else especially socialising. Once upon a time I would have considered this rather sad but now I realise how much in total comfort I was.

Like you Mark when I have let something go because it is true for me to do so, even if that is delayed! It is infinitely more true and it is like you said not deprivation but an actually saying YES to that which is the love inside, and then you don’t miss what ever it was that you were ‘using’ to avoid the responsibility that comes with such great power that we all have naturally inside ourselves.

Mark a great blog, and two things jump out clearly, how you started to question your use of TV and as you put it ‘ find out what I might achieve without it’, and then allowed yourself the space and time to let it go. And as a result I as a reader really get the understanding you’ve come to with letting it go. And your final paragraph turns the whole thing on it’s head, it’s not about giving up something but about being who we truly are, and when we approach life from that, it gives it a whole other perspective.

Awesome blog Mark, I am glad you gave up tv and now have time to write blogs instead… we all get to benefit this way, as you are more yourself and you have time to share these insights with us which I am sure many will relate too.

I could relate to everyone of your TV’D’s Mark, especially the getting caught up in a program and all other commitments going out the window because there is no way I could possibly click the off button and carry on with life not knowing what happened!! Bit cheeky I know but it’s crazy what thoughts are there when we don’t want to be with ourselves. It’s so empowering as soon as we say yes to ourselves, relationships and life, and give ourselves an opportunity to uncover how we truly feel underneath the numbing.

I agree Aimee I have experienced that same with the TV’Ds that Mark shared. What is clearly outlined for me is how when we choose to dis-connect from what we are feeling, from our hearts our minds take control with thoughts that justify and reason our choices whilst we override, numb and ignore what we truly feel. ‘It’s so empowering as soon as we say yes to ourselves, relationships and life, and give ourselves an opportunity to uncover how we truly feel underneath the numbing.’ – beautifully said.

I grew up without a tv so never have been addicted as you have described. I have only lived in a house with a flat mate who had a tv for about 9 months, but other than that, I have been tv less all my life but I still do feel the effects on my body after staying up too late watching movies with my daughter on the laptop. What also got my attention Mark, is how you wrote about eating and watching tv. I just had to sit here and realise it is in those times that I make the WORST food choices ever… and now I am starting to understand why.
If I have already checked out in the movie, and am therefore no longer connected to my body and more numb… no wonder I end up making food choices that don’t support me at all.

Your blog has really got me thinking…..
Perhaps because I haven’t owned a tv, I feel its effects very clearly. My whole life, whenever I have walked into a home and the tv is on… which just so happens to be a lot of times as it is very common… I feel I get sucked into another world, where everyone’s attention and focus is on the screen. There is less communication and movement. And this is normal.
You see young kids so sucked in that you talk to them and its like the lights are on but no one is home.
TV really is a drug.

This has changed my idea of what drugs are – perhaps they are not only ingested by the mouth but also by the eyes.
I agree with you Rosie and have felt the same sucking when I walk into a room with a TV on, I can even stop mid conversation because the distraction is so great. But what is this saying about the rest of my life? Do I allow distractions to get the better of me or can I move in a way that is true and keep my awareness in the face of potential distraction?

Me too Sally, the TV D’s are very relevant to all of us! The important thing is Mark did not stop watching TV because of anyone but because of the way it made him feel in his body which is crucially important. If we don’t do this and use will power alone we always end up coming back to whatever we were addicted to, at least that is how I have found things to be!

TV has become Conundrum Central for me, so reading your blog has been a tremendous inspiration. You got me at, ‘letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am’. I also love the reminder that tv breeds procrastination that then produces overwhelm and anxiety whereas no tv means you actually get ahead of yourself. Put like this, there is no contest. But the thing that really gets me to choose no tv is the fact that what I’m choosing to watch brings a certain energetic quality to my body that then affects how I feel. That means when I choose to watch tv just before bed, I’m essentially signing up to a truly toxic way of entering the sanctity of sleep.

‘That means when I choose to watch tv just before bed, I’m essentially signing up to a truly toxic way of entering the sanctity of sleep.’ I could not have said this better myself. It is like we are saying, I really don’t want to feel whatever is going on right now and am setting myself up for an uphill day tomorrow. Awesomely stated Cathy.

Your TV’Ds are so awesome Mark – and hit the nail on the head. I have never been a TV addict as such, but used to enjoy the occasional series and would work around them so that I could watch them. For a long time now our TV is covered up at home with a beautiful shawl, in fact we started that when the children were born so that the TV was not the centrepiece and watching TV was closely monitored for the children. We have maintained this for 20 years now, and the kids are not really interested in TV as such, unfortunately it has just been replaced with computer games or watching movies on the internet. For myself though, I don’t miss it and am glad it’s more or less a redundant piece of technology in our house….

“When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” This is super powerful Mark, thank you for your simple and expose writing.

I haven’t had a TV for about 6 years and it too was a very natural choice for me as I was saying ‘Yes’ to more of me and being present in more of my life. TV for me was once a daily distraction (hours and hours..) from feeling what had happened in my day or what was ahead, and it was my friend to indulge in this uncommitted and uninvolved way of life whilst numbing the pain of this emptiness.

Great article Mark. I never liked watching TV, found it always boring and a waste of time. In some occasions when I did watched it or even a serial on dvd I experienced the addictive nature of it and I was horrified how I was drawn in and couldn’t stop until the whole episodes were finished. I remember years ago my last experience with it was when I was sick and started to watch this serial that someone liked and recommended to me and for two weeks my days were determined by the need to go on watching the next and the next episode. I didn’t even like the episodes as the whole story was so absurd, but I couldn’t get of the hook of knowing what was coming next. I felt so paralyzed and off that I had to really take myself off this habit and rehabilitate and go back to life. Never ever watched a serial again.

Time watching TV was always after I had exhausted myself through the day, doing everything required to have a life that presented well, until I would eventually start falling asleep on the couch and then I would give in and take myself off to bed. I really looked forward to ‘time out’ and that it was the only time I would sit down and let the body stop but could not let my mind stop, had to keep that stimulated so I didn’t feel how abusive I was being to my body and disregarding all the signs of the emotional turmoil in my family life.

Thank you Mark I found it quite revealing reading your blog and the detailed effects watching TV has on our well being. I have a similar story with TV like you. What I understand is that people who have given up on life, TV is a welcome and needed distraction not to feel themselves. It supports a way of living that is very passive and without responsibility.

‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ That is it in a nutshell Mark. When I focus on giving something up then there are all sorts of mental games that get played, it becomes hard, I feel hard done by that I have to go without…. but flip it on its head and it simply being an opportunity to say yes for another day to who I am and how gorgeous I can feel inside and the choice has a totally different flavour, is much more positive, and the end result feels fantastic.

‘Giving up’ also implies experiencing a ‘lose”s. But in choosing to no longer do….in this case watch TV, there is no ‘lose’ because as you so beautifully say Simon “it simply an opportunity to say yes for another day to who I am and how gorgeous I can feel on the inside”.

Having been addicted to the TV for many years and looking at all the time I wasted being more interested in the fictional life of the TV characters than my own life it is not surprising that I became more withdrawn from work, being around people, family life and relationships suffered. What you have described here Mark is a great example of what so many of us do to escape life.

Julie, I also used to have a TV addiction. Something I found when I stopped watching TV, movies, audio books and youtube videos was home much space I had in my head and how much easier it was to be present with what was happening around me. I constantly had lines or images from what I had watched playing on repeat in my head. It was amazing to feel the space that was created from not bombarding my mind with constant and intense stimulation.

Awesome Mark, in the future we will look back and see our societal mass addiction to TV as pointless and deeply harming. TV will be a thing of the past when we start to connect to one and other on a deeper level. TV usage will eventauly die off as we remember who we are.

‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ This has been instrumental for me also in making life changing decisions easy rather than about willpower. If we make the choice to start to live in accordance to who we truly are and our natural way of being, letting go of patterns of behaviour which do not serve us also becomes natural and with some commitment, much easier than our minds would like us to believe.

I have felt for a long time that TV keeps us as a humanity stupid, this is because of the ideals, beliefs, and emotions that are constantly recycled through TV programs. In watching these we allow us to be manipulated by a formula, that filmmakers, program makers and so on are taught at film school, and we go along for the ride. There are very few films or TV programs that ask us to reflect deeply on life, or tell us the truth of life, (although some might pretend to) and none that are telling us about the fact that we are sons of God or pointing us in that direction. No, 98% of programs are there to keep us stuck in the mire of emotions and drama which further cement us into the human condition. Just think how powerful a tool TV is and what kind of inspirational and ‘thought provoking’ honest material could be being communicated through this medium, so that it became less of a checking out experience and more of a waking up one.

I agree Josephine, most Television keeps us stuck in ignorance by reinforcing ideals and stereotypes, there is huge potential to turn this around and bring honesty and love to humanity, like you said: “less of a checking out experience and more of a waking up one.”

Thanks for this Mark, your honesty and openness is truly felt. Trying to give something up because we feel we should or because others say so never really works does it. What I love about this blog is the appreciation that once we have reconnected to our true self, a deeper more essential beingness we all know, then the need to continually numb ourselves begins to naturally fall away. The joy you share in having more time to be with yourself and to give to your day and your expression is awesome.

Something I can really relate to in this blog is the relationship between TV addiction and anxiety. I can really feel how watching TV in the past has been about trying to change how I was feeling and much of that was about trying to not feel anxious. Yet, in the act of trying to change how I was feeling what I see now is that what I did was confirm the fact that I was feeling it in the first place – I watched TV because I was feeling anxious and rather than deal with the situation, my anxiousness became exasperated by my actions. I feel that in truth we must understand the true source of our anxiety rather than try to change it or numb it – which clearly doesn’t work.

The word ‘pastimes’ is an interesting one. What it says to me is ‘how can I amuse myself or entertain myself in this life?’ ‘How can we pass the time today?’ To me it exposes the notion that we are simply here to pass the time and I feel one of the essences of your blog Mark shows that we turn to ‘pastimes’ when we do not feel any true purpose in life. It seems that when we reconnect to a deeper purpose that our need to fill our life with such entertainment is replaced with more meaningful activity and this need naturally diminishes or leaves us.

Mark, I relate to what you share strongly, I would remember watching TV show after TV show and then leave little time for the functional everyday tasks, so would rush to clean my teeth, prepare for bed. Rush making meals and tidying up, but spend hours watching TV shows or sport or whatever. It is now I appreciate more how that feels in my body and how there was a lot of disregard I showed myself in wanting that TV fix. I find it immensely enjoyable now to take the time to do the little tasks in the day like cleaning up and putting things in order, or talking to a friend or family member and wonder why I would choose a TV show over this.

Amazing Stephen! Amazing how when we spend less time watching TV (which is draining us) we enjoy the things more like ordering the house, cleaning up, cleaning our teeth and all of the ‘functional every day tasks’. I know I super enjoy these and don’t even watch TV at all.

Mark the honest view on TV is something to really look at. All of the D’s that you listed also affect me and although my TV viewing has reduced greatly there are still a few things I’ll watch. I do notice the main point being it eats up time and whatever purposeful thing I had planned to do then gets forgotten. Yet I know I can go months without turning on the TV and those months are the most enjoyable and productive ones I have.

I so feel the same way. I can go months and months without watching TV, and feel super amazing and productive, these are actually the most enjoyable months as I spend my free time speaking with family, paying attention to how I live and do things I wouldn’t normally do like painting (artwork), ordering the house etc.

I only really began to accept that I was addicted to TV when I realised that the TV would be the first thing that I would go to when I get home from work. I gradually stopped watching TV as I began to feel how much of my time it took and how I would watch things just because it was in front of me, so in effect totally checking out and succumbing to the TV. I would start with the News and then flick through the channels and it wasn’t long before I was hooked for the evening. I used to say it was my way of winding down from the day but realistically the TV was still keeping me wired into the day and I was numbing myself rather than truly winding down from the day

Great blog Mark. Television easily becomes an addiction, a check-out point as you said that we rely on to fill in time, fill a space or just simply not to feel what is really going on for us. I grew up with limited television, and chose not to have one for most of my 20’s and 30’s but once television with a cable TV was installed at my house, I was hooked. Those days are long gone now and I wonder really how I ever had the time! Well done and enjoy all your new found space to connect back to you.

This is an awesome blog Mark, honest and light in how you share which is gorgeous. I love the D’s you expose, and the idea of the stickers all over the TV made me laugh… I’ve never been drawn to watching much TV as I could always feel how it was draining, taking people away from simply being with themselves. It would be balling often I remember as a child in friends’ houses, it was the highlight and key ‘attraction’ of the living room and evening, but I would always feel it offered a false sense of entertainment that left you feeling empty and wanting for more.

I had to laugh last night when I read this blog before I went to bed, as yesterday we had the first day in a long time where we didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything and apart from an outing with my daughter to walk the dog for an hour or so we pretty much watched movies and Tv all day. It was good to just do nothing and blob out but to be honest it didn’t feel that great afterwards. My body felt stiff and my mind felt dull.

That is great to understand that even I thought in the past that watching a movie is great something to do when I have time at the week-end; actually it is nothing which support us. Like you described “My body felt stiff and my mind felt dull”. Actually most movies bring us down energetically and don’t support the loving connection to ourselves and others.

I can relate to that feeling Kev, of wanting a break from work, and TV seems an attractive choice but then I watch TV and realise it isn’t a refreshing kind of break at all but more a slide into an empty space, junk food for the mind and body. The two dimensional TV simply can’t match the five dimensional qualities of our lives which are always right there for us.

I find this too Stephen. When I watch anything on TV now, even a good film, it does not match the quality of my life, and there is no purpose in it, which is what my life has now become full of. it does not provide me with a rest, because I find that it drains me. What I find is that it is purely a distraction from things and feelings I could be attending to. I find that it is a total waste of time.

Yes me too and I find I get restless and often don’t watch the rest or miss half the conversations. These days I find myself turning off a movie halfway through as I feel disconnected from it. It feels actually freeing to do so and finish instead what was left to be done, or start the nurturing get ready for bed phase.

Yes, I agree with what you share here Rebecca, that is my experience too, there is no purpose, it does not allow me to deeply rest, it is simply a distraction and numbing. Since I am choosing to connect deeper, feel more, and be more aware it goes against what I am choosing.

I can still feel the occasional pull to what you describe here Mark,. and it’s very interesting to observe it and what else is happening at the time. Sometimes we can be tired and instead of going to bed, we can sit down for a few minutes and get drawn into a programme for an hour instead of feeling the tiredness and getting an earlier night’s sleep.

That was always a clincher for me Gill, TV allowed me to ignore how tired I felt, so I would stay up later. If I get home from work late and the TV is on I can find myself sitting down to watch TV and before I know it an hour has gone, with “Oh I’ll just watch the end of this” It’s a total game so we ignore the body’s messages.

It is interesting how it can hook you..I know this too. Next day I always feel aweful. Since I am watching very little TV I even feel the slightest energy that comes through a TV program or a movie. Unbelievable how it wants to manipulate and pulls you out of you in a way…It definitely is a drug for the mind to check out.

A brilliant article that supports everyone to understand more about their addictions and relationship with distractions. I love your open, honest and practical approach. There is also no sense of feeling bad or guilty which doesn’t allow us the acceptance and grace to let go of what doesn’t support us to be more of who we are. When I watch tv, I can feel how hard my body goes as though I am tensing up to stop the onslought of energy coming out of the tv. I feel very emotional and it is impossible to stay with myself. I’m realising how draining this is too.

“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” This is so true, when we accept who we truly are and I am still working on this we start to let go of what does not support us any more, our body tells us very clearly that it does not support, whether it be food, TV or anything. How amazing our bodies are if we just choose to listen.

Understanding how we were parented is a great opportunity to free us of blame and judgment and so we can start to make new choices. Your openness and honesty has allowed you to see other areas of your life with a greater clarity such as the effects that TV has had and by doing so it has allowed you to see the harm it was causing. A great blog Mark.

Yes and what a paradox – to feel hard done by by giving something up’. No one made us ‘give up’ something, so when that choice has been made it is only our selves we can look to. And here comes in the very important fact of – ‘did I give up something because in my head I know it’s not great’ or ‘ did I let go of something that I could truly feel within was not supporting me. ‘ Choosing the latter, makes letting go a so easy…

Now it is not just the TV that provides this distraction, but the internet to – I know that I can say I don’t watch TV, but that doesn’t indicate how much time I might be spending on my computer or phone. But do we ever stop to consider that these behaviours might actually be addictions?

My feeling is these are definitely replacements for checking out time and letting ourself get entertained. I am very aware of that…How often do we look at our phone or check emails a day?! Is it really necessary THAT much?

I agree Rebecca. The internet has replaced TV watching for a lot of people. With even more accessibility and being mobile it can easily become a 24/7 addiction/distraction. A recent study on technology use and young people reported that young people are using their phones/social media to deal with stress, anxiety and depression.

I can believe that statistic Vicky. I would say 8 out of 10 people sitting on a tube train are doing something on their phones. I am one of those people from time to time. We do it to seemingly alleviate boredom or fill time, but that in itself shows how disconnected we are, which would naturally lead to some form of depression.

Thank you Mark for such an honest blog and the sharing of your experiences that are so relatable to for so many as Tv is such a distraction and time waster . Without Tv life becomes so much more purposeful and alive. Congratulations on your amazing changes and way of living , inspirational.

TV ‘Ds’ – awesome to read and feel this Mark Payne. You are an amazing man who leads by example – not just doing something because the community ‘says so’ but feeling it all out right to the root cause and then letting it go.

I agree Lee, I really appreciate how Mark stayed true to himself through the whole process. Not giving in to any external stuff that may have wanted to impose any ‘shoulds’. I really appreciate that any decision made from this space of understanding in our selves is a true decision for us and then there is no more pull to re-visit past activities.

Love your honest assesement of all that T.V. or any other past time for that matter does to us and how we are in life. It is actually shocking to see and feel how much time I still loose with doing things that are just to numb or not get to things that really need to be done. And it shows how much more love for myself I can build and have to not need all those distractions.

“If I stayed up late, it was usually because I was watching TV, so that also meant I would be tired the next day.” What a set up for getting stuck in the comfort. To look at this vicious cycle from a distance makes it look so unreal and unhealthy for the body. It is so easy to see through once we have stopped and asked the question, “why do I need this entertaining with TV?”

‘When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ Recognising why we use things like TV to check out feels like it is the key to changing this and other self-abusive patterns of behaviour. I am so much more productive now I don’t slump in front of the TV and end up falling asleep there instead of going to bed when my body tells me it is tired. My TV stopped working 6 months ago and I haven’t missed it at all but feel that is because I have increasingly been treating myself in more self-loving ways and it felt like the right time but if I had tried to force myself earlier it is more likely I would have regressed or found another distraction. TV addiction is a massive problem in society today and many children are growing up in homes where the TV is permanently switched on setting up lifelong patterns that are harder to break. Recognising the issue is the first step and this blog is a great contribution to the debate, thank you for sharing Mark.

In my adult years I have not owned a TV and I have never really watched much TV. I did used to enjoy watching DVDs on my computer fairly regularly. This lessened over time and I remember when I did watch a DVD before bed one night having not done so for a very long time. I could not believe how stimulated my brain was when my body was so exhausted. It took me a long time to wind down and be able to fall asleep even though I was tired. I pondered on the fast moving pace of all the images when watching TV. Life does not move like this and it is a lot for the brain to cope with. Let alone children TV and movies that are so fast paced with the movements being very rapid.

Well pointed out Jeanette – that is the danger – social media has its own hooking ability and it is up to us to recognise it and be truly observant around our behaviour around it. I know at times I can get ‘hooked in’ if my awareness slips, and when I realise I have been on it for ages, I log out quickly and that feels then very liberating and I can get on with what I was meaning to do. Often I need a walk to just clear myself first, and walking I find is a very beneficial way for me to connect back to my own breath and the movements of my body.

I love what you have shared here Mark as for most people we do not stop and consider why we watch TV and what effect it could be having on us and our relationships as well as adding ‘unreal’ drama to our lives. It is simply another thing we can use to deny feeling what is really going on in life. Thank you.

Mark this is a brilliant blog. I love your openness and honesty and how through this you were able to understand what led you to use TV to numb yourself. Honesty is key, with this we are allowing ourselves to be aware of what we are truly feeling in any situation which supports us to come to honoring our truth, so we can live the truth of who we are. I also love your closing paragraph ‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ – a powerful truth that for me relates to life in general.

Mark, thank you for your honesty in presenting how difficult you found it to fully give up the TV. I can so relate to that. For years now, I have had no wish to watch films, or much at all on the TV, but I have still felt the need to be up to date with the News etc. I have always felt that I need to know what is going on in the world. But I had made a decision about 6 months ago, not to watch the TV, but to get my news of the world from the ABC radio in the morning, which is far less sensationalised. And then last Saturday night, I felt to give myself just a little TV before going to bed. I saw the end of the news, and waited to see what now follows that, especially during this ‘silly season’ for the TV around Xmas. A programme came on, and then I felt that weird pull that the TV has, felt the nervous energy immediately rise, and thank goodness, I just had to turn it back off, knew I could have trouble sleeping if I watched it. It is back to the morning ABC now, for me so I still feel I know what is going on in the world. I don’t feel ready yet to actually get rid of the TV, I need it at the moment to webcast events for other students, and it is very useful when I do an online exercise class, gives me a larger picture to view. And I still have a very few videos, several nature films, and Star Wars when I have time, so maybe I will keep the TV for that. Otherwise, for me, it has now become obsolete, thank goodness I say. It took me away from myself for many, many years, though I have never been good at staying up late with it.

I stayed up watching a movie last night for the first time in years and feel like I have been run over by a truck this morning. It just was not worth it. I persuaded myself it was worth doing because I got to spend time with my daughter but, to be honest, we were both watching the movie rather than being together or talking, we just happened to be physically in the same location. So do I feel we are any closer today? Not really, just more tired and therefore we will both have to take care not to react to each other! So the consequences of one choice has put pressure on a whole day which could undo any good from staying up late to watch a movie!!! Not such great logic.

Thanks for sharing this Lucy, So often it’s the case that people watch tv to be with members of the family or with friends so it feels like we are spending time together. From my experience when ever I do this the quality of that time spent watching tv has not added anything to the quality of our relationships nor to the quality of our connection with one another.

TV has become such a modern part of life. Most families I know turn the TV on in the morning like they open up the curtains, it is an essential part of their morning routine and it is always on in the background even if it isn’t being watched. This is quite disturbing. We have behaviours which we do on automatic pilot and don’t even check ourselves when we make them. How can we feel the effects of anything if we constantly live in autopilot and have solutions to every time we feel something we don’t like, TV is a big one of these distractions because it us used to numb and escape reality.

Mark, thank you so much for a really exposing blog. I love how you set out the five ‘D’s of how TV affected you and your life. I can relate to most of those from long past TV viewing. Yes, it is easy to give over much of your life to the TV, especially when you live alone, it becomes an escape mechanism so you don’t feel yourself, don’t feel lonely, and you lapse into a completely different scene that is playing out on the TV, living from that for the period of what you are watching. I must admit that I never actually became addicted to it, but it was certainly a ‘go to’ when I was feeling lonely and/or empty. It felt so amazingly freeing when I let go of any watching of the TV at night, I had so much more time to do other things, in the warmer weather, even going for a walk in the cool of the day.

Not having had TV for some time now I can not really relate to the need or addiction to it. But I can relate to addiction in general, substance and food wise, and find it so interesting that TV can also be in that category. Addiction is really the desire or blinded need to have or do something that will numb, distract or RELIEVE oneself from the pain of not being connected to who they truly are – and I guess that can come in many many forms.

Can very much relate to your blog Mark as I am sure many will.
It has also been my experience with TV that it numbs and distracts me away from life. I have definitely noticed that I feel much better when I don’t watch TV – I have more of a clarity of mind.

I can see how TV can be the antidote for reacting to life’s hurts – hiding away from people and life and absorbing into the drama of someone else’s life through sitcoms. This is how I used to use TV. My life is much more full and enjoyable now that I am taking responsibility for healing my hurts with people and relationships.

One of the things I have noticed about TV and movies is that when I get involved in the story and its drama, my body goes through it all as if I am experiencing it in my own life. For example if it’s a suspenseful and stressful moment, my adrenals are very active and my body goes into ‘fight or flight’ mode which is very damaging for the body. Although we are watching an artificial life, the body can be going though it all, the emotions and stress, as if it’s living it. This is very damaging and disturbing for our health and wellbeing.

Mark this is a fabulous blog and one that is very exposing for me. As a child I watched a lot of TV too. I recall mum and dad asking me questions while I was watching TV and me not being able to hear a word they were saying because I was so engrossed in the TV. Ask me anything about what was on and would have no idea. I was completely checked out. Not there at all. Even now, even though I watch very little, when it’s on I can feel the tendency to watch and stare. It’s interesting if the TV is on in the room when I am working, I find it difficult to interact with patients. Now, I at least turn the TV down if I am trying to talk to them, sometimes even turning it off so that we can talk properly without the distraction in the background. TV are a very effective tool to numb and distract ourselves.

I agree Jennifer, TV is such a big distraction in the background. I stopped watching TV months ago, and do no miss it at all. At Christmas I was staying with my mum, who watches TV every morning when she gets up. So on my first morning, we’re having a cup of tea and started chatting. She has a huge TV and the noise and the images coming from the TV while I was trying to have a conversation with my mum was just so annoying and irritating that I asked her to switch it off and she did, thank goodness. Then I enjoyed our chat and connection.

Turning the sound off on the TV is very revealing I find, especially during adverts or sports programmes. Suddenly, there is so much less of a hook. We underestimate the power of sound sometimes but this shows just how imposing it can be. I find we tend to consider visual imagery first but auditory input is equally if not more imposing on us.

I love what you shared about how letting go of choices that don’t support you are less about giving up something and more about saying yes to who you truly are – what a deeply beautiful way to look at it. In this way it can never be a sacrifice considering the enormity of what you gain in return.

“When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” When I choose to leave the distractions behind and choose me it is so clear what needs to be done, and in that clarity I can see that there is no time to waste on these distractions, there is so much life to be lived, so many beautiful people to meet and so much work to be done supporting not only myself but others too.

‘Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.’ This is something I am learning too – I hear what other people are doing and think that I ‘Should’ be doing that too, in other words, I use the image of what others do as an ideal for me, and, of course if it’s not true for me at that time, it is a false image that I will never match up to and then I have the perfect excuse to beat myself up for it, which is a destructive force that has nothing to do with self love. Far better then to accept all of where I am at and to know that, as I build more nurturing and self care into my life, these non-productive activities will gradually drop away naturally, never to return.

Thank you for sharing Mark – saying Yes to who you/I am rather than focusing on what we are ‘giving; up which is harming us feels to be very important. It puts the focus on love, who we naturally are and what we are returning to, so gives it the power rather than the other way around thinking something it is a massive task to let something go, when really it is not.

‘‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ I love this line. Giving up or quitting something to me still indicates an emotional tie to something. It implies reluctance and hence the mental work required to change the pattern. Stopping a behaviour however is completely different to me. For me it has meant seeing why I indulged in the behaviour in the first place and can now simply stop it as it no longer serves. No to and fro required thereafter.

This is very true Michelle, ‘Giving up or quitting something to me still indicates an emotional tie to something. It implies reluctance’, I found this when I first tried to give up smoking, I didn’t really want to give it up and so it was such a struggle, but in the last few years I have been taking care of myself more and being more loving with myself I have noticed that harmful habits have just dropped away without all of the effort, because I value myself too much to harm myself with them.

Mark, the strength of your writing is that it comes directly from your body. Your last paragraph ‘letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done’ is solid gold.

Yesterday our TV went in to the storage unit to make way for family life, to make space for conversations, to allow relationships to deepen, to give us time to be with each other and actually present in the room and not spaced-out on the pretty flashing images coming from the screen.

I was addicted watching TV all my life. Even the last 15 years i watched less and not daily still it was a crucial part to watch my movies. This has changed within the last couple of years. I could feel that i didn’t enjoy watching movies anymore. There weren’t many movies i really enjoyed watching. And i realized on a energetic level the impact watching TV has on me. Usually i was snacking non stop during watching TV so i didn’t feel well after it because of the fact i overeating. Later i tried to not eat or less but realized even more the energetic fact that i did not support me to watch movies. So i didn’t want to feel how i was living my life therefore i watched TV. But watching TV made me also feel uncomfortable the energy movies bring. So i realized my overeating pattern resulted from not wanting to feel how i felt from watching the movies. From the emotions and energies which came through the movies.

When i got honest how watching TV affected me i was able to stop because it didn’t make any sense as there was no contentment i could draw from. So now i do not watch anymore TV something i would not have ever imagined possible.

If we were looking for dissipation or distraction we would yell out “yes” to it. Definitely! So it feels like there’s another question to ask: “what are we willing to choose: evolution or distraction? That’s why we were given the free will. Anything is constantly offered to us. It’s all about nothing but choices.

I gave up watching TV so may years ago that now it is not even a thought or a choice. It just isn’t a part of my life. I know I used to use it as a form of comfort and numbing, but ultimately it would make me feel sad and depressed. I much prefer to give my time to things that support me in my life and make me feel good.

This is so true Matk “letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am”. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly.

I have not considered myself addicted to TV viewing, but over the past few days my TV is not picking up any stations, I have found out that even though I don’t watch much television I do miss the programs that I do watch, such as the news at night. I have found that less and less I have a want to watch many long running shows or documentaries or my favourite lifestyle programs of the past. This has been an interesting event and sometimes I have noticed that I used the TV as background noise, when it is too quiet as I live on my own..

To call it an addiction changes everything. Because I reckon most people just flick on the telly and sit in front of it as a daily ritual, as a part of their winding down routine. When you consider the numbing effects of it, it can easily be said to be an addiction because it is no different from drugs or alcohol or anything else that take you away from being present and in your body and feeling everything.

Is it really part of the winding down routine? Or is it more, give a little satisfaction of feeling that I am in command of my life at the end of the day (hey, I can choose what channel to watch!)? How different is this to add sugar to sweetening life?

This is a great article, Mark. I know, for me, I have felt all the points you have made about watching TV, though I am not ready to let go of it just yet. I have cut down on the hours spent watching it because I am choosing more and more things that support me. Most notably food and tv were a great way for me to numb my body after having let go of cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. However, I am also starting to cut down on this habit too, as I can no longer eat sugar without coming out in a rash. How’s that for growing awareness? Truly amazing!

…not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am…I love that phrase Mark. We always tend to see it as a NO, when we quit doing something, but actually it is a YES to us. How beautiful…I ´ll keep that in mind next time, something wants to seduce me.

Isn’t that the effect we were more or less unconsciously looking for? To sort things out would be a way of taking responsibility in life. And watching TV diverts from this constant pull to go face the truth and deal with our stuff. Great point, Joel*

A touching honest blog, Mark. On a topic that is one of the worldwide most common ways, for people of any age to distract and check out. As it was for me too. I love what you have written about your own rhythm to stop looking TV: “Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.” This shows a beautiful strength of yours within the difficult process of understanding and giving up on an addiction. Hats off for both. I like your conclusion and awareness to say: ” …it is not so much about giving up something, they are about saying “yes” to who I truly am…”

What an honest story Mark. I can very much relate to what you share about the effects TV has on you. It indeed is like a drug, it numbs you to really feel what is going on inside you. And when you are not connected to YOU, and when you only feel the emptiness inside you, it can be quite a challenge to NOT watch television.
Thanks for showing people honestly what a life of watching television looks like. Very much needed.

One effect which was not on your TVD’s list was the effect of getting hooked in. Hooked in meaning that I found it really difficult to still feel me, and observe the TV programs – or films – as an observer. I was in it! When there was a shooting, I felt being hit, when there was a fight I felt the punches in my body. Not a good thing.
Even with all the teaching of Serge Benhayon- very difficult to not get hooked in. So I decided to stop TV totally.

There is a picture somewhere of me at the age of 3 or 4 just standing in the middle of the living room staring at something off camera. My mother told me that I had been walking across the room, the TV was on, and I just stopped mid-stride, completely hooked.
I followed a very similar pattern to yours, Mark. I remember sitting in front of the television wracked with anxiety because I had a school project to complete, but I just could not seem to tear myself away. Or then there was the daily ritual of coming home every day after work to smoke pot and watch the Simpsons.
I stopped owning a TV several years ago, but I still have managed to get hooked into watching television series on my computer on many occasions. However, I have been feeling deeply how those “D”s affect me as well, and although I have reduced the amount of television I watch, I can feel that it is becoming a far smaller part of my life.

It is the little steps that count, appreciating along the way each time a choice is made towards a more loving life with yourself. These tiny yet highly significant steps actually make up the whole entire experience of being who you are, which is huge because this gives you a chance to really explore and learn.

“When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.” How I would love to see this sentence in big bold letters as headline news. This is a lived experience the whole world needs to hear.

How true this is Kate, I work with preschoolers and they all talk about the characters and movies that they watch at home and they get very excited talking about them like they are real people and they want to be them. It’s all quite sad.

“Letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” I know the truth in this statement. In fact I have found that the only way to change any of my ingrained behaviours is to deepen my commitment to “saying ‘yes to who I truly am” because then the patterns that are contradictory to this naturally start to fizzle away.

Mark I love your TV ‘D’s – what a great way to keep bringing your awareness back to what was happening for you. I’ve found awareness and honesty the first steps in making a true and lasting change. I think I may stick some Food ‘D’s around my kitchen! I also love how you have made changes because they are about saying ‘yes’ to who you truly are. This reorientation of the usual ‘I’m giving something up’ allows for an expansion rather than a sense on contraction and in my experience is the key to lasting change.

Awesome article Mark exposing what we as a society are choosing when we sit down in front of the TV. And I just can’t stand to think of the adverse, and damaging effects these huge screens in our homes our having on our children.

While reading your blog I had a sense of what I would comment on that – till this nearly last line came my way: “..letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” That hit me, Mark! It is an overall truth you offer here, whilst TV watching is one specific under this aspect. To me this is a marker for my day and I can feel the love that I am reminded on to bring first to me and then I can truly bring it to others. Lovely blog*

TV addiction or TV dependency is a serious matter. What I find interesting is the space we allow it to fill in our lives and the fact that we may have the illusion that we may change and change channels all the time but this is not but a cover up for deep stagnation. In truth, nothing moves; nothing changes.

It is serious Eduardo but very little is done to address it. It is normal to put on the TV and just have it on in the background. It’s just like turning on the light in a room, so to do we just flick on the TV and not give it a second thought.

Because most households have at least one TV and most people watch it then it slips under the radar and does not get seen for the insidious, evil, pollutant, toxic numbing agent that it is. It sits in the living room undetected by most but it streams consciousnesses into people’s lives that are designed to do nothing other than to slow down our evolution. If we banned the telly then people would wake up en mass, shaking their heads and wondering what the hell happened to all the evenings from the last 20 years !

Interesting how we refer to ‘giving up’ something which to me feels like we are making a sacrifice, being disciplined and using willpower to stop old habits that no longer serve us. When we are living in a more self-loving way, it becomes a simple choice to let go of our dependence on TV, food, sugar, alcohol and caffeine, because we no longer need them as stimulating or numbing devices.

I love the detailed way you became intimate with what was playing out for you with TV Mark. What a perfect antidote to the desire to numb and escape from life. By following your own path with this habit, and uncovering what was underneath you got to see the internal program that was playing on repeat.

This line is a pearl of wisdom Mark: “ when I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort.” It sure does very simply and quietly fall away. No fan-fare or mourning just a memory from the past that holds no emotional attachment, but in fact there is a sense of freedom that comes from letting something go that actually doesn’t truly support.

Mark definitely wrote a key line here – that rather than trying to force ourselves to change a habit which usually required willpower and denial or some kind, it has been far more effective and easy I could say for me to look at the reason underneath any habit or addiction. Any pretty much all of them come back to feeling an uneasiness around not being true to myself. So the more I have chosen to be me in life the need to distract or numb or bury lessens considerably and so the habits just stop without effort or trying or forcing or denial.

How funny that when we try to quit an addiction we often try to deny ourselves the thing we are addicted to but the underlying cause of the addiction is actually a denial of who we are. So we are trying to use denial to heal a denial! No wonder it never works!

Following on from the sentence in Marks blog that you highlighted Sandra, it’s the same as the more we feel the support we offer ourselves. It’s like each time we choose to be loving and therfore make supportive choices in what we eat, our thoughts, being nurturing is like a building block layer by layer and each layer building to the next.

Although I don’t watch TV per se, this point of ‘TV d’s that Mark has brought up was a timely one for me since just this week I realized how I had convinced myself (tricked myself, really) that watching some ‘educational’ or practical informational video on my computer was somehow better or not as harming as zoning out while watching TV. The truth is that I was using that as an excuse and really just using the computer video ( no matter how useful it may have been) to numb something that happened during the day and avoid feeling something that had come up for me. In addition, I noticed that sometimes at the end of the day I will have a feeling like what I did during the day deserved some kind of ‘reward’ and would use browsing the net to mentally get that ‘hit’. This is really just draining and a waste of time if done in this way and I thank Mark for bringing a greater understanding for me on what is truly going on with TV watching when we use it in this negative way.

Its interesting reading your comment Michael, ‘I noticed that sometimes at the end of the day I will have a feeling like what I did during the day deserved some kind of ‘reward’ and would use browsing the net to mentally get that ‘hit’. I have noticed that i can do this, for me it’s a feeling that I have done enough and i just want to check out now and be entertained and not have to feel what is going on at home/work etc..

It is a great point you make Mark that even when we quit one habit we have to be careful we don’t just replace it with another. In the case of TV for me, I don’t watch much anymore but the internet or social media can easily become the same thing if I do not stay aware of how I am feeling and why I am using it.