The writings, sayings, and works of one of the most Solomonic individuals to grace history's stage.

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Monthly Archives: August 2013

After breakfasting this morning on fresh pear and an unidentifiable meatlike substance (perhaps from a fallen burro?), Justice Minotaur asked Mr. Cornwall to bring in his notebook to take dictation. Minotaur saith: “I recall a dream from my youth. I had applied (in the dream) to the graduate physics program at MIT. The admissions board called me into a large room and placed before me a liter of turpentine, a printed copy of the decision in Marbury v. Madison, and a bust of Neptune. With these materials I was to produce a batch of tartar sauce by nightfall.” Further Minotaur saith not.

Justice Minotaur’s office received its first Labor Day greeting card for this year.* The front of the card is a photograph of a left-handed platypus and gives the hours of operation for an “interactive” zoo called Before the Flood, at which animals are evidently released at random throughout the daylight hours. The printed greeting on the inside of the card reads as follows: “Christensen & Ben-Judah LLP is thrilled to announce that the office will be closed for Labor Day, while reminding you that we can and still do discriminate based on sexual orientation, weight, and other classes that have not yet been recognized as protected.” The card is hand signed by someone who identifies himself as “Shemmy, the son of Shemmy.” Justice Minotaur remarked that it seemed statistically improbable that two instances of the same bizarre and rare name would occur within the same family. Mr. Cornwall reminded the justice that a son is often named after his sire, meaning that one would generally expect clusters of the same name within a particular family–and it is for this reason that strange names are often perpetuated among us.

Mr. Cornwall could find no record of any Shemmy having ever been employed for Christensen and Ben-Judah LLP, a law firm headquartered in Zarahemla, New Salem. The only Shemmy found in the public record is either a junior accountant at the New York City offices of Deloitte & Touche or a Guamese culler.

*For those not familiar with New Salem holidays, Labor Day is celebrated on the first Monday of September (except by those following the French Revolutionary calendar), but the celebration is a little different than in the United States. In New Salem, employees are required to report to work an hour early for mandatory relaxation time, under the watchful eye of management. After these sixty minutes of refreshment they are expected to gird up their loins, so to speak (though some may also literally undergo a girding process), and put heart, mind, and hand toward working in the interests of capital for another year.

Justice Minotaur retired to bed early this evening, evidently tuckered out by the day’s events. He asked Mr. Cornwall to compose a journal entry in his behalf. Mr. Cornwall offers as follows:

Justice Minotaur arose earlier than normal this morning. He reported he had been startled into “a full and not blessed awakedness” by what he said must have been “a hummingbird rifling through [his] valise in search of sweet ichor.” Thereafter, he was driven in a rickshaw to the green grocery, accompanied by his faithful scribe. Together they spent five hours looking for a single bunch of bananas that would, in Justice Minotaur’s words, “consist of three bananas, and three bananas only: one ripe for Wednesday’s breakfast; two green for Friday and Saturday.” When rejecting a bunch of bananas with four bananas, one ripe, one nearly ripe, and two green, Minotaur declared emphatically: “I do not need a banana Thursday so far as I can determine.”

Justice Minotaur, after napping today, reported that he had dreamed that a grandfather had visited him from beyond the grave (he was not sure which grandfather, as the role was played by Morgan Freeman) to inform him that strawberries existed in the nineteenth century.

Mr. Cornwall informed him that no apparent meaning could be discerned from this. Justice Minotaur seemed displeased by this response and went about knitting a burqa.