Xenu’s fist pump

It was reported yesterday that Leah Remini filed a Missing Person’s Report with the LAPD for Shelly Miscavige, the wife of David Miscavige, the head of the Church of Scientology. Shelly and Leah used to be tight but Leah hasn’t seen her for years and was punished by the Church for asking where her friend was, particularly when she didn’t show up for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’s wedding.

The LAPD confirmed last night that the case is now closed because the report was “unfounded”. A detective told E! News that they investigated the situation, were able to meet with the Miscaviges, and that they saw Shelly for themselves. They did not specify where or when it went down which…I mean…I’m not sure that they have to do but the fact that they didn’t is only leading to more conspiracy theories, like:

Are you sure it was her?

Even if it was her, and she’s not “missing”, that doesn’t mean she’s not a prisoner, or something.

According to Tony Ortega, considered by many to the be the top ghostbuster of all things Xenu, Leah Remini wasn’t personally informed about the LAPD’s findings as of last night, even though she was the one who initiated the search. Needless to say, given Leah’s tenacity, had she been made aware of the situation by law enforcement, she’d have some follow-up questions (unlike Oprah Winfrey), like:

Where did you see her?

Where has she been?

Why hasn’t she made contact with any of her friends?

How did she explain her absence?

Of course the Church is fronting like this is a major vindication which is basically John Travolta’s excuse to strip down to his speedos and start dancing with the pool boy…although I think maybe he does that every day, vindicated or not. You do know what Scientology dance parties look like, don’t you? This is still one of my favourite WTF-watches of all time. Come on, wouldn’t you have wanted to be there? I would have wanted to be there, like with Duana or something, and definitely not Sasha because she is a chicken sh-t, basically doing research for the screenplay of our lives.

Still, it’s f-cking weird. It’s beyond internet speculation now. This is a high profile former member forcing the Brotherhood of Xenu to respond. Leah Remini is bringing the heat. And this is Great for Gossip, it really is, but is it great for her safety? What if they redirect all their resources and focus on her, the new Public Enemy #1? If it were me I’d call Mark Wahlberg. Don’t you get the feeling that Mark Wahlberg has been dying to pick a fight with Xenu for a while now?