This is a big world. And it’s hard. There is NO reason or excuse for being nasty or hurtful.

Having said that, I just had to speak out when I saw all the crap going down in the romance world.

Imagine the arrogance it must take for a person to copyright an everyday word and claim it for “branding” purposes. Imagine said author using the apparent inability of her fans to distinguish her works over other authors because they use the same word in the title. Then imagine this same author choosing to go after other authors with the word in their titles and basically serving them with cease and desist orders and threatening litigation.

Seriously?

And if you are/were her fan, how are you not offended? I mean:

She basically called you stupid.

She’s saying you can’t read well enough to recognize her name.

She doesn’t think you’re capable of returning a book once you realize you’ve downloaded the wrong one.

All this, and you’re still willing to be her little monsters running around giving other people 1 star reviews because they have that word in their title or they have books whose characters share names with some of hers? Or if they’ve used the same stock photos in their book covers?

Seriously?

Put on your big girl panties and grow the eff up. You want to be big in this business? Do it by writing amazing books people can’t put down! Do it with class and respect for your peers. Don’t try to shut everyone else down in the hopes that you’ll be the only one left standing, and therefore “succeeding” by default. That’s just crappy.

And if you haven’t heard about this or you don’t know the word? Let Kid Rock educate you….

Yup!

In her ideal world, no one else is allowed to use “Cocky.”

Whew! She must be relieved Kid hadn’t already beat her to it, huh?

And you know what breaks my heart? Some hard working, classy authors have already changed their titles thanks to her strong arm tactics. Even though they have every right to the word.

This is one of those times when readers and writers need to band together to show that this behavior of hers is unacceptable. That trying to undermine other people’s careers and livelihoods is not ok and has not gone unnoticed. That these lesser known authors have our support!

What do you guys think? Let me know in the comments. I’m randomly picking 5 people to give whichever Cocky book listed on Ana’s page that you’d like. Again, all you have to do is share your thoughts….whatever they may be.

In the last couple of years there has been a huge resurgence of attention and activism placed on feminism and women’s rights. We’ve had coordinated women’s rights marches, much more discussion around equality in pay, education, and career opportunities.

Yes, as a group we’ve become loud and proud, creating campaigns like #metoo and “Fight Like a Girl” designed to encourage our fellow woman to speak out and share in solidarity to the female sisterhood.

Even in movies we’ve been a force to be reckoned with….bringing out badasses and heroes like Arya, Khaleesi, Rey and Wonder Woman… and other movies like Black Panther and Hidden Figures where the women were strong, smart, and powerful. And this is all amazing. Really!

But I wonder sometimes if, in our battle for equality and power, we’ve lost some sensitivity and somehow managed to push others in our sisterhood into a deeper closet…made them doubt themselves and their acceptance in our new, fierce world.

Submission in a time where we’re calling on the badass women must be so difficult. I mean, living in the often highly misunderstood BDSM world is already tough. They already get the whole…blah, blah, blah…”abuse”,….blah, blah, blah…”Stockholm syndrome” crap from people with no understanding of the “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” lifestyle.

But now, when we’re talking about powerful women, I’m sure that there are many women fighting against their nature because somehow submission in this new world (not that it wasn’t already there a little bit) might make them seem weak or the ‘unfeminist.’ Or maybe their sisters will think maybe they’re not living up to their gender/power roles and are somehow encouraging female oppression, either silently make them feel like an insult or embarrassment to the cause, or outright say it…because they don’t understand.

And they’d be WRONG!

“A submissive is free to do whatever they desire, whenever they desire. Yet even with all their freedom, they choose to kneel. That is why submission is so beautiful.” ~ Unknown

My first contribution to Beauty of a Woman GirlBoner edition was Sacred Sexuality. At that time, I discussed my thoughts about being both a Christian and kinky. Why do I bring it up? Because I believe there’s something pretty sacred about the power exchange, too. Heck, people like to throw around the “wives submit unto your husbands” verses as a reason NOT to embrace Christianity, but I believe they don’t fully understand (or choose not to) the difference between submission and subjugation. Plus, the scriptures also say submit to each other, so it also doesn’t limit itself as a one way path down a gender specific street. Pronouns CAN be exchanged, in my opinion.

“The idea of submission is never meant to allow someone to overstep another’s boundaries. Submission only has meaning in the context of boundaries, for boundaries promote self-control and freedom. If a woman is not free and in control of herself, she is not submitting anyway. She is a slave subject to a slave driver, and she is out of the will of God.” ~ Henry Cloud

Submission is a physical, emotional, and mental act of consciously and deliberately giving oneself over into the loving care of another. Far from weak, it’s one of the hardest things to do, and only the strongest of soul and purpose is capable of giving up so much trust and placing it into a worthy Dominant’s hands.

I think that probably speaks to the strength, beauty , and power of submission pretty well. It takes a strong, self aware woman to willingly and knowingly walk this path. Isn’t that also what being a feminist is about? Knowing and understanding your needs and fearlessly reaching out and grabbing it? Being a trailblazer on a road less travelled? Knowing your true self and knowing what it takes to make yourself happy, then fearlessly reaching out for it, screw the voice of public opinion?

I mean, there’s something exquisitely beautiful about BDSM… It works because there’s an honesty to the relationship that you won’t find in many places. They realize that no one gets through life without a few wounds and scars, fears and insecurity. And it’s about building such a strong foundation in honesty and communication that you don’t hide the realest, ugliest parts of you. Because somehow, in the give and take that happens in such a surrender, they want those parts of you, too…and help you learn to accept and love even those darker parts of your soul that make you uniquely you. And it’s true on both sides of the relationship.

“I want the parts you’ve tried to throw away. The parts you were convinced no one could love.” ~ unknown

To me, the fearless strength a submissive has…to take their power and willingly, knowingly hand it over to someone worthy…well, if that’s not both powerful woman and feminist, I don’t know what is. It’s scary, sure. Misunderstood by many, absolutely. But true to your inner self? A beacon of strength that leaves many a Dominant in awe and grateful for the amazing gift? How could they not be?

Submissive, please don’t let yourself be stifled, squashed, or afraid because of the feminist message. YOU are the embodiment of EVERYTHING that makes a woman both powerful and a survivor.

Be fearlessly you!

This post is part of The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VII! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, click HERE. on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 9th.

My heart hurts today. I just can’t sit here and say nothing. Am I the only one who feels it lately? All this hate, rage, toxicity oozing out of social media?

Can you not feel its destructiveness to your bones? I can.

There’s already so much pain and desolation and fear in the world. Must we really rabidly spew more hate into it? For the first time in a long time I hid someone’s posts from my Facebook posts from my feed because I couldn’t stand the hate messages wrapped up as “activism” anymore. Every message was filled with vitriol, spewed hate, and fanned the flames of extremist behavior while denigrating anyone who might value something other than what she believed.

I felt sad. Sorry for her. That she was so unhappy and filled with poison and looking for someone to blame. But I couldn’t be in her universe anymore. For me. I couldn’t condone her messages of verbal violence against others. That’s not a solution. That’s not helping make this world better. That’s just more of the horrible cycle of fear and hate and violence.

Listen…

I live in Florida. My heart broke for all the lost young lives. I ache for their families. It hit very close to home. The violence is not ok. I think we all agree on that. Gun control? Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t. I don’t pretend to know. Do I think mental health issues play a big part in the violence of today? Absolutely. Do I think teachers should have to carry guns? No.

Billy Graham, who has been a religious leader to many, also died this this week. He lived to a ripe old age. Good for him.

Death isn’t death. Everyone finds their strength to move on from different sources, faith in God being a big one. So when I see the same people shouting hate comments at political leaders due to gun control laws, then spewing filth, nastiness, and wishing violence on a religious leader, I get sick to my stomach. I begin to wonder just how broken you are to fan more fuels of hate after such a painful week, and I walk away.

I feel sorry for the person, but I forgive them and I leave. Because I can’t be around that. I refuse to believe that the world is so broken and disgusting that it now only filled with rage and hate and finger pointing.

I don’t like people who extol hate and vicious rage. Who fan flames of doubt and violence. I may love you as a person, but it doesn’t mean I like you. Or that I’m blind to a person’s effect.

I guess what I’m asking is this… Have you considered the message you’re sending out into the world? Is it truly representative of the person you are? Are you helping to make the world a better place? What things have been hurting your heart lately? What things have given you hope or joy?

I was out. Driving to get breakfast when I saw this sign at one of the busier cross streets in my neighborhood. It sickened me as much as it saddened me. I wanted to rush out and remove the sign, but my small car couldn’t accommodate, and I didn’t want to do anything that could get me in trouble, so I did the next best thing. I reported it to the police.

As a Christian it angered me and tore at my heart. Hiding behind supporting the police and God to spew hate? Despicable. So I did what I always do when emotions get the better of me. I wrote.

Because I had to make it clear that the God I worship doesn’t seem to have much in common with theirs. And more, he’s the only judge that matters.

Valentine’s Day. The day for lovers, right? Romance, flowers, whatnot…

Yeah, maybe.

But that’s not my most memorable Valentine’s Day.

Don’t get me wrong, there were elements of those things in that day, but that’s not the BIG MOMENT.

My day?

It was supposed to be my day off, but I had to finish making a schedule (and hubby was working anyway) so I stopped in to work for a few hours. I didn’t stay long; was out by noon. No sooner had I left that my office was calling again. Turned out Edible Arrangements had been there and delivered a gift from my guy.

Hubby walked in to a great smelling house and a hot, tasty meal… There were probably gifts, but I can’t remember now. What I do remember is that he loved the meal, that I went to bed early as I had an early work day & a 14 hour shift the next day….

Right about now you’re scratching your head and wondering what is so memorable, right?

Well, I hadn’t gotten there yet.

Sometime after 11 pm, hubby came in and woke me up. Said he was having pretty severe abdominal pain and wanted to make sure I was ok. Apparently, he was worried it might have been food poisoning except I’d been sleeping like a baby. So then he narrowed the pain to his lower right side.

Googling his symptoms, I realized it could be his appendix. He was scared, but also worried about me and work. So I talked him into going to the ER alone, making him promise to call me if it turned out to be anything serious. At about 1:30 am, I got the call. He sounded a little terrified.

Him: Lovey, they told me I have a necrotic appendix.

Me: Oh no!

Him: Can you come here? They told me I need surgery. I tried to ask if they could write me a prescription to slow it down in the meantime so I could call a doctor and schedule it.

Him: Nope, but it was worth a shot. They told me they didn’t think I understood. The ambulance is on the way now to take me to surgery. Can you come, please?

Me: I’m on my way.

Him: I can’t believe you poisoned me for Valentines Day.

Me: I did not. And stop saying that or there may be people who believe you or at least start to wonder. I’m on my way.

And that’s how I found myself in the emergency room on the 15th, calling out from my job, calling friends to walk my dogs during the day, and headed for the hospital to be with my husband.

So, yeah, my most Memorable Moment had everything to do with the ‘For Better or Worse, In Sickness and in Health’ part of our vows. Those moments mean more than any random superficial stereotypes. And that he hadn’t lost his sense of humor, even through his fear and pain? That just shows I married a badass.

So tell me about your most memorable Valentine’s Day. Did it embody any part of the wedding vow? Or are you an non-believer, feeling this only lines Hallmark’s pockets with gold?

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If you’ve been a regular reader here, you know I’m passionate about my music. It goes soul deep for me. What can I say? It’s what happens when you’ve been singing almost longer than you’ve been walking.

Because of that, YouTube has become a fixture in my life. I love to check out the recommendations. So when this video crossed my iPad, I had to check it out.

So these guys, George and Ryan, are definitely outside of their preferred genre on this song. I mean, it’s in my wheelhouse, and I adore Chris Stapleton’s music. How could I resist? But for these guys? They, by their own admission, don’t know much about country, which makes it awesome the whole thing about their channel is this: Opening Minds & Broadening Horizons! Hence ‘Free Thinkers.’ And they lead by example!

I hadn’t realized there were review channels out there like this…and since watching them, I’ve checked out a few others, but these guys, by far, are the best. And even better, their introducing themselves, me, and others to all sorts of other eclectic music types.

And they’ve introduced amazing bands I’ve never heard of… Like this one! It’s kind of classical meets metal? The violinist was Lindsey Sterling-esque. And it’s got a sick beat! Pretty badass, right? Still trying to figure out how Ne Obliviscaris is pronounced.

They’ve opened my eyes to new artists like this badass British female rapper, Lady Leshurr. I mean, seriously. I have tons of respect for a woman who can go hard like she does…taking no prisoners. Poetry to a rhythm the way she throws it is pure art!

As for this one, I’m not so sure how to qualify this particular genre. Progressive rock? I truly loved this one. It reminded me of some of my favorite music back in the nineties. The lead singer of the Deftones sort of reminded me of Morrissey. Very velvety smooth with it’s seductive appeal. Loved it!

This is the last I’ll share right now… This guy? Impressed the heck out of me. With his intelligent verse and slick beats, it’s no surprise that Lute wowed me. He keeps things down to earth and does it with style.

Yup! Lots of new music and styles, and I LOVE that these guys brought them to me. I’m eternally grateful for George and Ryan aka Lost In Vegas. Thanks for feeding my music passions!

As for you guys, what new music has inspired you? Do you watch music reviews on YouTube? Any other kind of reviews? Feel free to share links in the comments.

I admit it…. I find it utterly hilarious when I manage to cock shock my gay male friends. Why would I specify “gay” in this conversation? Because they’ve pretty much seen and heard it all when it comes to cock. Or so they think.

The other day, however, one of my oldest online friends who I’ve been fortunate enough to hang out with in person posted about “the rooster.” Yup! Apparently, I’m not his only Filipino friend. And definitely not the only one he’s talking to these days, because I saw this on his FB.

Talking with Filipino friends a lot. Is that . . . is that a rooster?! Looooool. It is! And not just one friend. Several. Why do you lot have roosters?! Whatever. Week made.

Obviously, my friend is American and had no idea that this had a lot to do with cultural differences….so I decided to enlighten him.

Ummm…Did you not know that cock fighting is a popular sport in the Philippines?

Now, with my gay male friends, a statement like that has the potential of being taken one of two ways…

Like this-

Or like this-

Well, my friend is pretty smart, but he hadn’t realized that was a thing. That in that particular third world country there were arenas and bets placed, and it was a source of entertainment. He quickly went from entertained to kinda horrified.

What had been innocent with him was actually a pretty dark thing half a world away. But it got me wondering… Is it really only a third world country thing?

Sadly, it’s not. The ASPCA gives a pretty detailed explanation of how cock fighting works, including the razor blades taped to the roosters legs, which states have laws to prevent these events, and how you can help. And The Humane Society shows where animal blood sports have been prosecuted.

Yeah, I admit it. I giggled when I wrote the world “cock fighting” to my friend because the first image popped into my head. I giggle-snorted when another friend added the save the cock hashtag to his page. But the reality is no laughing matter…any more than dog fighting or any other animal bloodsports are.

These animals can’t fend for themselves…so they need us to speak out on their behalf. Thoughts?