Since billionaire owners and millionaire players are bitterly divided over how much money they’ll be splitting over the coming years and have locked us out of actual basketball to talk about, PBT will be regaling you this summer on the weekends with RetroBall. Using the advanced powers of the internet and NBATV, we’ll bring you interesting stories from years gone by. If nothing else, it will provide us an opportunity to make fun of fashion and culture from the past, which is always a giggle.

We begin our RetroBall series by accident. Yesterday I was asked by someone on Twitter if Jordan had ever fouled out as a member of the Chicago Bulls. A reasonable question, considering the insane amount of leeway Jordan got as a Bull when he became, you know, MJ. I dutifully looked it up on play index, curious in my own right, and found it had happened six times in his career. It never happened after the Bulls won their first championship in ’91. But when I looked at the list, I found myself fixating on his lowest point-total game.

On January 31st, 1989, the Bulls hosted the eventual champion Pistons in Chicago. The Pistons dominated the Bulls that season in both the regular and postseason, eventually losing in the Eastern Conference Finals to Isiah and the Bad Boys (4-2). But this January game was interesting in that it was such an example of Jordan being Jordan. He shot 24 times, hitting only seven shots for a 29% field goal percentage. He scored just 21 points, in a season he averaged 32.5. He fouled out of the game. Yet he also had a triple-double, with 12 rebounds and 10 assists. So he had this terrible game… and yet still scored 21 points with 12 rebounds, 10 assists, 2 steals and a block…. but he also had five turnovers. He accounted for 37.4% of all possessions for the Bulls, factoring FGA, FTA, and turnovers. What a bizarre game.

Thanks to the very helpful Vincent Goodwill of the Detroit News, I got my hands on a YouTube copy. Since I was six at the time, and living in rural Arkansas, I shockingly did not receive the TBS broadcast of the game. So I decided to sit down and watch it. What follows are my observations thereof. (Please bear in mind that seeing as how I was six and wouldn’t become interested in the league for another six years, my observations of both teams at this time are incomplete at best, shoddy at worst. Think of it as something to keep in mind before we make incomplete judgment on today’s players.)

It’s striking how despite the fact that 37% of the offense in this game goes through Jordan, he primarily plays off-ball for the majority of the first-half. He’s not even scowling at it, really. Though when he does receive the ball, the moves are all instantaneous. They manage to be simultaneously without hesitation and spontaneous. No one pounced quicker on any opportunity than Jordan. You see the same thing from Kobe Bryant, but his ability to adjust isn’t as flawless.

The Pistons’ help defense is borderline insane on Jordan in this game. Thrice his defender plays hard to the screen before the pick comes, and the low help defender (twice it’s Laimbeer) comes up from the block to guard it just in case. This means the entire left side is open which means that the second Jordan bursts left, he’s got nothing but baseline. It results in seven points for Jordan total.

Isiah Thomas starts off remarkably shaky in this game. He keeps trying to find the elbow-jumper, but it clatters out on him multiple times. He’s picking up turnovers left and right (he’ll wind up with seven over the course of 51 minutes, accounting for a lower percentage than four other players. Most of his first-half turnovers are the result of bad passes from teammates.

Being reminded of just how brutal these Bad Boys were on defense, I want to issue an apology to the 2005 Detroit Pistons, the 2007 San Antonio Spurs, the 2010 Boston Celtics, and 2011 Chicago Bulls for ever complaining about how ugly their games are. They might as well be run-and-gunners in comparison. You know how everyone above the age of 35 talks about how much more physical these games were? They’re right. The question of “Was he making a play on the ball?” is pretty laughable here. Twice the Pistons merely hammer Jordan, going so far as completing their turn after contract and just slamming their sides into him. Once they actually trap his ankles between two trips on a drive. It’s jarring. And it works. Jordan’s jumper never does get wet, and the help defense coming to the elbow smothers him. Particularly, Vinnie Johnson plays extremely admirable work in the stead of Joe Dumars who missed nearly a month from January to February. Johnson not only provides excellent offense, but works to get up in Jordan’s grill, even forcing an airball off a fadeaway. This despite giving up over four inches to Jordan.

Speaking of Johnson, his game here reminds me a lot of Marcus Thornton. I’m rebuked on Twitter for it, but Johnson is a smaller two-guard who loves pull-up no-conscience jumpers and has the same kind of frame. Thornton is taller, shoots a lower percentage, and isn’t as good at assists at this point in his career, but the numbers are similar otherwise, as are their comparative styles.

So this happened:

Beautiful, isn’t it?

Also, this:

Okay, maybe not so beautiful.

Horace Grant is unbelievable in this game. He winds up with sixteen points on 7-11 shooting, and 18 rebounds along with 2 assists, a steal and a block. Twice he simply waits for the defense to all turn towards Jordan on the perimeter and catching the lob. It makes you feel sorry for Derrick Rose who has no such option.

If Jordan has a good bad day, Laimbeer has a bad good day. He’s forced too far out by the Bulls’ motion on and off-ball, and when he does recover, twice on Scottie Pippen, his teammates foul. But in cleaning up, he’s impeccable. If the defense breaks down for a half-second and Laimbeer catches, it’s over. The Bulls have no one who can attack him at the rim. Or near it, as that’s where Laimbeer shoots from.

Scottie Pippen is long. I understand this is not news, but bear in mind this is early on, before the Bulls’ gained all that veteran weight. At this point he’s like a bunch of brooms stuck together with a giant eraser on top. Pippen’s in his second season here, and the aggressiveness is mind-boggling. You can tell Pippen hasn’t fully embraced sidekick status. He’s near-suicidal in attacking the Pistons. Off the steal he’s taking two steps to get into the paint then exploding forward. But just as his youth gives him the advantage of explosion, it hurts him with the officials. He makes it to the line just four times.

Fascinating subplot: Rodman off the bench takes over on defending Jordan. Because Rodman is just in his third year (though 27), or maybe just because he’s guarding Jordan, he’s taking to the cleaners by Jordan and the officials. Twice in the third quarter Jordan clears out with his left at a Byron Russell level, and gets away with it clean.

Doug Collins hopes you enjoy this old tune, “In the Air Tonight.”

Adrian Dantley shoots 3-13 and has 20 points. He gets to the line 18 times (eight more than Jordan!) and the calls are legit. He works over pretty much anyone the Bulls throw at him. He’s the biggest reason Pippen winds up with four fouls just minutes into the third. In fifteen days, he’ll be traded to the Dallas Mavericks for Mark Aguirre.

The third quarter is eerily reminiscent of watching the Celtics defend Derrick Rose. The Pistons gear three guys at Jordan, who decides if they’re going to attack his jumper that hard, he’s just going to kill them with assists. He drives past the first defender, spins past the second and dishes to whoever is open or cutting. Grant, Sam Vincent, Sellers, everybody gets some.

Speaking of Sellers, one of the biggest busts winds up having a pretty decent game. He attacks the offensive glass, finishes where he needs to and doesn’t look completely lost. He also has zero defensive rebounds, but since the Pistons only wind up with 12 for 26% it’s not a nightmare.

Basically in the third quarter, Rick Mahorn and Bill Cartwright have an episode that is bizarre to any modern NBA fan. Mahorn elbows Cartright in the chest on a box out (that’s a tech now), then Cartwright off and shoves Mahorn (that’s an ejection now), then Mahorn goes back at Cartwright (that’s another ejection), then Cartwright shoves him again (re-ejection?), then the Bulls hold Mahorn back. Try and imagine if Carlos Boozer and Ronnie Brewer held back Kevin Garnett from Joakim Noah and how that would go over. So basically, players in this era simultaneously disliked each other more than they do now, and yet treated each other with more respect and didn’t act as much like children.

Count me among those that remembered Rodman as having absolutely zero offense. Watch this game and you’ll feel differently.

The league average for 3PA per game this year was 18. In ’89, the Bulls averaged 6.5 per game, which was 13th in the league, and would be bottom three today. The Pistons attempted 4.9 per game, which was 18th in the league in ’89, and would be downright bizarre now. In this game? Both teams combined shot 14, with 8 of those coming from Chicago’s Craig Hodges. This was an overtime game.

You know those games where the veteran squad gets behind because the home team is playing with energy and exuberance, but the veteran squad just hangs around and hangs around? That. Lots of that.

In the fourth, Jordan goes after the offensive glass, getting putbacks. How? I have no clue. He just does. One of those MJ things.

Dave Corzine is mesmerizing in this game. Not only for the hair, and for being Dave Corzine, but he blocks Laimbeer at the elbow at one point, starting a fast break.

Rodman does everything conceivable to try and keep Jordan in front of them, then tries to sell a pretty bad shoulder bump by Jordan on a baseline drive, again, no call, and Jordan slips left baseline for a righty layup. I will say that in modern NBA, that righty layup gets blocked into oblivion against the glass by whatever token athletic help defender the opponent has on the floor.

Here’s one for all you Knicks fans:

Isiah pretty much starts going Derrick Rose again, relentlessly attacking the rim and going to the line every time as the game closes in on five minutes to go. Chicago’s got a sense of “how are we not up ten?”

There’s a segment with less than four minutes to go featuring Snapper Jones’ mother on a cooking show. That’s called “seizing the drama of the moment.”

Jordan did just miss some in this game. It’s like what would happen if that insane ability to hit everything he threw up abandoned him for a night. No wonder he hated Detroit so much.

Dennis Rodman hits a turnaround. Skip Caray says “If he learns to do that consistently, he’s going to be some player.” ROFL.

Jones says this is the first time Jordan’s fouled out this season. So Jordan goes out with less than forty seconds left with the Bulls down two.

Sellers fouls. Dantley… misses the first free throw? What the?

So nineteen seconds left, Bulls with the ball, down two. So obviously you work to get Jordan the… oh. Huh. I have no clue what Doug Collins is supposed to do here, but if this was 2011, the answer is obviously “lose, so they can get draft Jan Vesely.”

Well, that’s just insane. Pippen inbounds, it’s broken up, right back to Pippen, who drives, and throws up a runner and is fouled. Goes to the line, hits two with sixteen seconds left. Wow, that’s a confusing sequence for Detroit right there.

Vinnie Johnson posts up Pippen, gets the corner, gets to the rim… and just off the front lip. Drama! Overtime! Only on TBS!

If you need a laugh sometime, just watch Dennis Rodman and Bill Laimbeer run up the floor next to each other. “High knees, everyone! High knees!”

And the Piston who takes over is… Rodman? Rodman collects an offensive board and puts it back in. His eighth point since the third. And he’s getting offensive rebounds. No wonder Chicago wanted him so badly later. The Pistons are now hammering the Bulls on the glass with Sellers off the floor. Yes I’m serious.

Rodman comes weakside and blocks a buzzer-beater layup attempt from Hodges. Unbelievable play. And he didn’t do anything insane, or cocaine. Impressive.

Rodman was actually quite decent offensive player earlier in his career (much better than one would expected from an off the bench D specialist), it was after he turned himself into rebound machine and got moved to Pistons starting lineup that he seems to have decided that he would make his teams play 4 on 5 on offense while he chased every available board.