In an apparent attempt to win the gold medal in the 100-Meter Giving No Fucks at the You Have Got to Be Shitting Me Olympics, one Chicago eatery is selling a grilled cheese sandwich for $100. I am not making this up.

It's called the "Zillion Dollar Grilled Cheese" because of course it is, and it's being sold at the Deca Restaurant + Bar (apparently, the "+" is actually part of the title, because pretentious people will find a way to ruin everything, including conjunctions), located inside the Ritz-Carlton Chicago. It's actually a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, with black Iberico ham with enough eye-roll inducing descriptions attached to it ("thinly sliced black Iberico ham, sourced from pigs living primarily in the south of Spain, allowed to roam free in the pasture eating acorns until they are of proper size...then salted and air-dried for six weeks followed by a minimum curing process of 12 months") to make any hipsters reading this require an immediate change of shorts. It's then served on "artisan" sourdough bread, because that's not a word that gets needlessly thrown into everything in 2014. The cheese, meanwhile, is — no joke — 40-year aged Wisconsin cheddar infused with 24k gold flakes. You didn't read that wrong. They put gold flakes in the fucking cheese. Like you do.

Oh, but we're not done. It's also topped with white truffle aioli (no word on whether this contains ACTUAL truffles or whether it's a bastard offspring of the vomit-inducing foodstuff from Hades quite popular white truffle oil), heirloom tomatoes, 100-year-old aged balsamic vinegar (I literally just bashed my face into my desk), foie gras (OH COME ON) and topped with a sunny-side up duck egg. Why would you top it with a sunny-side up duck egg? Because why the fuck not, who gives a shit any more. The whole thing is served with a side of lobster mac and cheese, because they sat down and thought, "what's the single douchiest side dish we could serve with this?" and BOOM, lobster mac and cheese.

I'm pretty sure they invented this sandwich just to raise my blood pressure. I'm going to go make a grilled cheese sandwich with Kraft American cheese just to spite them, and I am going to MOTHERFUCKING ENJOY IT, trying, of course, to ignore the fact that I'm BASICALLY EATING PLASTIC.