YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GENTLEMAN AND PICKED A CHICK FLICK AND LET HER HAVE HER LADY ORGASM.

/JOHNCUSACK

Jun 16th, 2014 10:50 AM

MarioRPG

Alright, so I'm at this chicks place, and we both know we're gonna bang. But she's all shy and stuff so she's like "let's watch a movie in my room" so I'm like yeah, of course. She gathers her DVD collection which was a whopping total of 6 movies. I flick the pile, and it literally goes: chick flick, chick flick, some foreign film, Avatar, chick flick, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS.
Clearly, my choice was the last film, because it's decent. So the movie is fifteen or so minutes in and we start making out, etc. Then we get to it, but the movies still on. And yeah, I don't know, giving it to some girl and then looking up to see Billy Bob Thornton yelling kind of sends mixed signals to my dick. I mean, sure, he's saying motivational shit half the time but sexing and hearing that gravelly voice doesn't quite add up.

Feb 14th, 2014 10:11 AM

bigtimecow

this morning we had like 10 minutes to get ready for work and she was like "we don't have time" and i was like "oh trust me it can be short" and then we did it for like 2 minutes and she was like "wow! you are quick!" but i like intended to be so like i'm not usually that quick but she sees it as a plus because now we can like bone in the morning before work every day

Jan 29th, 2014 08:36 PM

MarioRPG

She had the accent, but an oddly low voice. And she would accentuate odd parts of words. "Oh, you're from CaWNada"

Jan 27th, 2014 05:45 AM

bigtimecow

hahahaha brenda's emoticon captures how i imagine her perfectly. i will say that i don't hear many stories about girls getting legit turned down. the general idea around dudes is that they will bang anything, and really, i fucking hate that stereotype, and with your story that is also clearly not the case

did she have an english accent though? sometimes that can go either way: crazy super annoying and over the top (to add to her unattractiveness) or boner-inducing

Jan 26th, 2014 05:50 PM

MarioRPG

I'm pretty sure he means a legit one, hence the frozen air.

Anyway, so this non-sex-story happened when I was on a trip to Thailand. During one of the many legs of the journey, I ended up on Koh Pha-Ngan. I had been booked in a dorm room a good group. They were all chill and great time to be around as we had been on the island for a couple days together already. We had met up with a roomful of other girls that were all from the UK. And they were all pretty attractive, save one. I’m sure you can imagine why I mentioned that one.So, I had been interested in one of the cute ones. She was short, pale, but had a cute enough face that made up for it. We’ll call her Amy. Amy had a friend with her, Brenda, who was about 200 lbs, had a hideous fake tan (in Thailand? Seriously?) and just not attractive to me in any way. I don’t consider myself shallow, but there was no way I found her appealing at all. She carried her weight poorly, and she might as well have been 400 lbs for all the good it did her.

Enough backstory. We all went to some beach party that night, after heavy drinking. I’d been flirting with Amy; Brenda was often by her side. I went to grab some more drinks. I turn around, Brenda had followed. So, I’m holding two drinks aka defenseless. She does that grab-your-head-and-forcefully-kiss-you thing. I’m very thrown off and don’t know how to react, so I just say “umm… ok. Hahah” and walk back to the group.

Later that night, we all get a ride back. I desperately avoid eye contact with Brenda. We arrive, I try to duck into my room. Brenda grabs me and bluntly says “Let’s go fuck”. In the goddamn middle of the group. Holy shit, I have never been in this situation. Heres a brief play-by-play: “Let’s go… talk over there.” I say, motioning to the stairs: “Yeah, let’s go up to my room!” she heads to the stairs.
I make my way to the staircase, : “So… look… I really… don’t… um…” It’s at this point she starts crying. “Yeah… I, um… I’m not feeling it. You know?”
She’s crying pretty hard now, I’m trying to salvage this explanation. The only thing that comes to mind is the kind of shit you see in teen romance movies.: “Um… well, my last relationship ended really bad. I… I just don’t think I’m like ready to do… that.”
For what it’s worth, she bought it. I just wished I had the balls to walk away then instead of trying to console her further, much to the mockery of the roommates who walked past.

Jan 26th, 2014 05:40 PM

Tadao

I don't wipe it on my side of the bed. Geez.

Jan 26th, 2014 05:15 PM

bigtimecow

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost

I airhorned my girlfriends ass the other day when she was walking out of the room. It didn't make any noise but just shot freezing cold air akin to a fire extinguisher.

also is this like a legit air horn is that slang?

Jan 26th, 2014 05:12 PM

bigtimecow

nooooo because it can go one of two ways:

1) i'm not done yet and now i have to retrieve a condom out of her vagina. ever try putting a condom on after you've taken it off? a lot of air gets pushed inside and it comes off even easier, requiring you to open a new one

2) i am done and now i feel like some of my cum may have grazed the insides of her vagina, so i get super paranoid and start doing the whole "OKAY SO IF I MOVE SOME MONEY FROM HERE TO THERE THEN WE CAN AFFORD A PLAYPEN AND IF I STOP BUYING RECORDS I COULD AFFORD SOME BABY FORUMLA EACH WEEK" etc. etc. freak out time

and wiping your dick on your sheets? come on bro

Jan 26th, 2014 12:52 PM

Tadao

Thats the best part because the condom is no longer your problem and you can just wipe your dick on the sheets.

Jan 26th, 2014 10:15 AM

bigtimecow

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost

kids = marriage = no sex ever

no kids for me, but marriage yes. we still fuck like crazy people, all sex-crazed and retard-strong

one thing i'm really disappointed with is condoms. for the past four years we've been condomless thanks to birth control, but it's fucking with her body so she can't take it. a.k.a. condoms are back in

the worst problem we have is i pull out and the condom stays in

Jan 26th, 2014 12:10 AM

10,000 Volt Ghost

I'm going to print out this thread and screen it onto a shirt.

I airhorned my girlfriends ass the other day when she was walking out of the room. It didn't make any noise but just shot freezing cold air akin to a fire extinguisher.

kids = marriage = no sex ever

May 2nd, 2011 11:19 PM

Pentegarn

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost

What's better than a good morning blowjob before work. Good mooooooooooorning anal. Big ass grin at work.

I see what you did there

May 2nd, 2011 10:30 PM

10,000 Volt Ghost

What's better than a good morning blowjob before work. Good mooooooooooorning anal. Big ass grin at work.

Mar 21st, 2011 09:44 AM

MattJack

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big McLargehuge

That because you've never eaten a sandwich upside down.

fckin solid gold, sir.

Mar 6th, 2011 10:23 AM

10,000 Volt Ghost

I hope you cum blasted her and did an al pacino hooo haaaaa at the end.

Mar 6th, 2011 08:42 AM

Zhukov

I managed that with my last ex (er, not the current one) and at the time I felt pretty good, but now I feel like she used me

Mar 4th, 2011 09:45 AM

Zomboid

I broke up with my girlfriend on Monday and boned her again yesterday. Huzzah!

Mar 2nd, 2011 12:13 AM

Dimnos

Feb 20th, 2011 01:36 PM

10,000 Volt Ghost

Face to face butt sex can also be used to play stomach sticks.

Feb 20th, 2011 05:39 AM

Big McLargehuge

That because you've never eaten a sandwich upside down.

Feb 19th, 2011 04:52 PM

Chojin

well i mean i don't feel the need to suspend myself upside-down from the roof to eat a sandwich either

Feb 19th, 2011 04:16 PM

10,000 Volt Ghost

That's for chumps.

Feb 19th, 2011 04:12 PM

Chojin

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big McLargehuge

She has seven buttholes willie. I don't think it was that unclear

i just lol'd pretty hard at work, because i was thinking the same thing

anyway missionary boring sex 4 life, i think kinks are kinda dumb

Feb 17th, 2011 08:38 PM

LordSappington

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