I guess technically it was my fault the first time, but he did a second time last night and I am blameless. It took almost 15 months for it to finally happen and I can’t say I’m not glad it took so long. LTD pooped in the tub. The first time was totally my bad. The incident happened towards the end of the little guy’s bath. He is still in the Primo EuroBath and I he was splashing around a lot, so I thought he would be up for some fun. He was not. I lifted up the end of the tub slightly so the water would slide down to his size. Well, in a scene from the Titanic, he grabbed on to the side with freight and The Mommy held his back. I put the tub down and he quickly calmed. However, we then noticed stuff floating in the water. It seems I scared the crap out of him.

Cleaning up wasn’t that bad since it was in the EuroBath and not as gross as it could have been since I don’t even know what a day without poo is anymore. The second time was last night and again thankfully towards the end of his bath. LTD was playing with his tub toys and then stopped to make a full on grunt face. I guess despite my earlier statements, it was pretty gross to watch it happen, but I guess one can get used to anything. I do hope this isn’t a trend and the little guy wants to permanently change the meaning of the word “clean”.

Anyone who has ever worked in a large office knows what happens around 10am after everyone has had their morning coffee. For those fortunate souls who have never had the pleasure of working in a big office just imagine what happens in the bathroom after 25 accounts and file clerks finish their sunrise Starbucks. LTD isn’t addicted to coffee yet, but every morning like clockwork his plumbing kicks in after breakfast. Normally, who cares, the kid goes poo all the time, but the morning poo is cruel because I have just changed his sleep diaper less than 15 minutes ago. Another problem is that if he somehow manages to hold it for 30 minutes post-breakfast we are in the car running errands and lets face it, four closed windows and poo smell don’t mix.

We have been feeding LTD in his high chair for awhile now, in fact he has grown quite comfortable in it, perhaps too comfortable. Often when we are feeding the little guy we have to stop and wait while he does his wicked business. Clearly there is something about the act of eating that makes him go number two. His forehead turns reddish purple and he makes the tell tale grunt indicating to all people that he is doing his part to keep the diaper companies in business.

LTDs feeding/pooing ritual has become so common that we now provide him with a newspaper and hold all his calls when he is at the ‘office’. What I really think is funny that we get into a grove feeding him and he is sucking down some apples and blueberries and all of a sudden we need to pause. Pause not for him to quietly reflect on his delicious meal, but a pause so he can look like he is turning into the hulk. Will the joys of parenthood ever stop?

For the past month, in addition to the sustenance The Mommy provides, LTD has been eating three solid meals a day. We are talking about mashed up versions of everyday favorites like pears, avocado, peas and cereal. Their are many benefits to eating fruits and vegetables, but one we never thought about would be what happens when LTD is done eating them. That’s right, I’m talking about waste or as the immature among you call poo. Before when he was exclusively on milk it was common for him to go number two once every 7-10 days, that cycle is way gone. Thanks to the new fuel supply and the binding agent known as a banana, LTD has been using his butt as a Play-dough fun factory.

Once every one to two days, the little guy produces a perfectly formed golf ball sized poo that is so easy to clean up it’s almost a joy. Unlike the milk-only mess, a diaper change now takes mere seconds, which works well considering squirmy mcsquirmison doesn’t sit still on the changing table anymore. The new poo situation also has the added value of occasionally being wicked funny as it is in the case of the little butt cheek imprints he sometimes leaves on the diaper flattened poo. Also, let’s not forget the face he makes when he is creating one of his masterpieces and the accompanying grunts that make us feel like we should be giving him privacy.

LTD has been eating solids (and by solids I mean mashed up fruits and vegetables that don’t resemble anything solid) for a few weeks now and he really seems to enjoy the different tastes. There is only really one problem we have encountered so far on our journey to eventually eating at Mario Batali’s Enoteca San Marco as a family, and that is gas. In the beginning the new foods were very uncomfortable for him as his GI system really started working overtime for the first time. He would wake up during the night or be generally cranky and we could just tell it was the dreaded pain of gas. We rubbed his belly clockwise, always clockwise, and that seemed to help a little but in the end the real cure was time as his body got used to having his power plant fully operational and up to code. Now the situation has changed slightly since he is comfortable eating solids with the new situation being, that he is now comfortable making them.

Perhaps being a father has made me more sentimental, but the baby has been doing some pretty cute things lately. He commits these acts of cuteness during the day while I’m watching him by myself. He has been daring me to find a cuter baby by doing things that make you want to turn around and say, ‘did you see that’ but of course there is no one here to tell. I inform The Mommy over the phone but some of the brazen acts of adorableness you have to see for yourself and I suspect The Mommy is a little sad at having missed them.

Let’s go down the list. The funniest thing he does is fall asleep with the pacifier in his mouth and when the pacifier falls out he continues to make sucking motions with his mouth in a move the experts call The Phantom Pacifier. Like all babies LTD sneezes a fair amount and that in and of it self is pretty funny but the other day he went for a big sneeze and nothing happened and the look on his face as the sneeze fizzled out was priceless. Then there is the fact they he recently discovered the dog. LTD has been cracking up when the dog goes in to lick his face. I’m talking about a full-blown belly laugh. Not to mention the time he spends staring at the pooch. All in all, LTD’s quest for the title ‘most adorable baby on Earth’ makes changing stinky poo diapers almost worth it.

While poo may indeed be an unpleasant topic for polite society it does remain a subject that demands a lot of attention among new parents, and with that introduction I suppose you can guess what this post will be about. Breast-fed babies typically do not poo as much as formula fed ones and it is not usual for them to not poo for even three or four days. LTD has been fairly consistent with his poo, going about every three days. However, this past week he hadn’t gone for five days and was clearly backed up. Interestingly, during this time he had no problem producing what The Mommy called, “stinky gas.” Anyway, on the morning of our nation’s Independence Day I consulted with The Mommy about the use of our old friend Pedia-Lax, a product we hadn’t used since LTD was four days old. We reached consensus and it was decided that we would use the product. Knowing that once the dam bursts there would be not an insignificant amount of poo, we prepare for the volume with paper towels, wipes and numerous paper diapers. Let me tell you the only thing you need to know about Pedia-Lax, brother, I am here to tell you it works, it works big time. The instructions indicate that it may take between a quarter to a full hour, so while we waited The Mommy fed him. Towards the end of his meal, The Mommy felt something “begin to happen” and we rushed him to the changing pad. We survived the first and second wave without incident and then we got cocky. Believing LTD had emptied the tank we pulled back from DefCon 1 and relaxed enough that we both reached for a wipe at the same time leaving the diaper undone. Before we could even blink poo shot across the pad, table, window and finally landed on the mini-blinds. Sadly, it was another lesson learned that even when you think you are ready, when it comes to poo, the baby is still in charge.

On a side note, later in the day the dog ate an ant trap resulting in us pouring hydrogen peroxide down her throat, the outcome of which was her puking her brains out. In the end, this Fourth of July was one with two special kinds of fireworks.

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