A recovering addict has only one thing to be focused on and that’s their sobriety. And although a little healthy narcissism is a good thing, they need to learn to think of those around them as well. Many of us who have loved ones in recovery must also realize our role, not only in the recovery process, but the role we have played in the life of those who grapple with addiction.

You may not have even realized it but at some point you may have unwittingly become an enabler, a co-dependent. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship; including family, work, friendship, and even romantic, but perhaps nowhere else does it have such a deleterious effects as with those afflicted by addictions. This is where seeking professional council and a support community is imperative, as indentifying and correcting co-dependent behavior can go along way to aiding and maintaining continued health and well being for all concerned.

Those in the early stages of recovery often forget the feelings of those closest to them. Being so focused on remaining sober sometimes their emotions get the better of them. They often feel physically unsettled, and emotionally conflicted and as such are apt to have a short fuse. When problems arise you, as always, rush to make it all right and easily fall back into your role as the co-dependent. As member of their recovery community you need to take a step back and remind them now is a good time to reflect on their previous behavior and react responsibly. Many will be resistant to this idea, remind them instead of carrying a chip on their shoulder they would do well to remember the one (sobriety chip) in their pocket. Surely many sorted things have past between you and loved ones due to addictions, now is the time to work hard to earn back each others trust.

Enabling by yourself or others can have a disastrous effect on those in recovery. By offering sympathy and indulging those mired in self-pity, you are only setting them up to fail. Self-pity in recovery is natural, but when over indulged it becomes destructive and serves only to undermine the recovery process. It only fuels the notion that those in recovery are somehow victims of their circumstances and they are somehow justified in feeling sorry for themselves and deserving of sympathy from others.

You, as the co-dependent, need to accept responsibility for your part in the recovery process and learn to behave differently and work hard to develop a new frame for your relationship with those in recovery.

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