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Stop Lecturing and Start Living

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Alright, I’ve been talking about parenting roadmaps a lot lately. Hopefully you’ve taken some time to consider your big WHY. Why are you parenting? What’s motivating you?

If you aren’t familiar with the importance of your WHY, you should read this post and ask yourself, what is the one word you want your kids to use to describe you when they are 24-years old?

And hopefully you’ve also identified what’s been tripping you up which is essential to figure out how you’re mucking up the progress in your home.

This post shows how you can create a roadmap to address your biggest parenting challenges – and your loftiest parenting goals. Some of your goals might include:

I want resilient kids.
I want to be more patient with my kids.
I want to stop yelling at my kids.
I want more more peace in my home.
I want my kids to trust and be able to talk to me.

Lofty goals! Bravo! And then I ask parents, so how are you going to get there?

And there’s a disconnect between these fabulous parenting goals and the strategy for getting there. Wishing, hoping and “trying to be better” only lasts about 5 days people.

You can only manage your personality for about 5 days, and then it will go back to doing what it always does.

In other words, the success in parenting comes in the details for HOW you’ll stay on track.

Creating a parenting roadmap provides you with the details on how to achieve your goals, no matter how big or small. Let’s start with one area I know sends most of you into a tailspin: morning routines. You’ll see the process for creating a plan for getting out of the house on time and you can apply it to any other challenge (or goal) you’d like.

Morning Routines

1. Take a few minutes and ask yourself: What do I want from my mornings with my kids?

Short term goal: to get out of the house ontime without yelling, tears or tantrumsLong term goal: for everyone to get ready on their own (kids need to own their morning routines) and for us to spend quality time in the morning talking and sharing

2. Next, ask yourself honestly: How are the morning routines in the house right now? (Describe in detail)

The kids don’t wake up on time, they aren’t prepared for school, I have to nag and remind constantly to get them to move, I boss and then yell, they cry and we’re late 4 of the 5 days to school.

3. Now, ask for details on how to get from where you are today to where you want to be. Ask yourself what needs to happen in order to reach my goal of getting out of the house on time without tears or tantrums?

Kids need to be capable of owning their morning routine so,
I need to stop nagging about the things they can do and (if they know how to pack a lunch – stop asking them when, where, and how they’re going to pack it. It’s up to them. Butt-out and see what happens)

Start training in areas they need help (give them an alarm clock, show how to make toast or cereal or fruit, make sure they can get to their clothes, ask them where they want to leave their backpacks, talk to them about what time we leave)

And then give them time to master these skills (one at a time!) They’re not robots that you can train in one programming session. They need some time to try, fail and try again. They’re not going to get it right or to your standards, and that’s ok. Remember, these are LIFE SKILLS. Don’t rush. They need at least 2 weeks per skill…

So now, you have some details. You have a plan for getting to your goal of getting out of the house composed with a smile. Sure, it’s going to take some time and work – but that’s parenting. Do you know what you get when you offer control in the form of independence to your kids? Empowered, capable and yes, more cooperative children. Ding, ding! Parents win:)

The great thing about the roadmap: the same process you used for morning routines applies to your other hang-ups.

Creating a roadmap creates a plan that you and your parenting partner can rely on to guide your strategies in parenting. When I first started using roadmaps, I become more confident in my parenting because I had a plan. I felt like a leader in my family.

When you implement a parenting roadmap you get inspired, ignited and you feel in control of your family’s progress.

And the kids notice. They see you intentionally making change, and guess what? As they get older, they might just follow your example and make roadmaps in areas of their lives that they want to change. That’s what happened in my family. It’s a game-changer.

I encourage you to start your own roadmap and share results for how it’s working for you in the comments below.

And if you are looking for more guidance and instructions (with tons of examples of how they work in all sorts of parenting challenges like bedtime, sibling rivalry, table manners, technology, and homework) please check out my mini-course, The Essential Parenting Roadmap – Leave the Guesswork out of Parenting.

Click here for info on The Essential Parenting Roadmap – Leave the Guesswork out of Parenting