“The Great Blanket Humping Incident of 2011″

Saturday we took our very ill 20 month old son to a Children’s ER in San Antonio. He has battled illness, on and off again, for several months. It has been treated by local doctors time and time again, with the same result. More sickness.

Anti-biotics, anti-biotics and more anti-biotics.

Point is : They missed a lot and we ended up seeking treatment elsewhere. This turned from an ER trip to being admitted and staying there from Saturday til Tuesday afternoon.

So needless to say, we were exhausted from this oddyssey and I was ready to get some rest last night.

Not so fast though.

What I hadn’t planned for was my dog become entangled in a stituation that it actually very hard to describe with words alone. I DID get a little video footage of what occurred. But it’s very dark video and probably not even appropriate to share with most people.

It has long been a source of humor, to catch my dog, “Waylon”, humping his favorite blanket. The same blanket that my wife has begged me to trhow away for two years. But I let him keep it because I know he enjoys it so much.

But there was nothing humorous or joyous about what occured last night. Believe you, me.

I went out to feed my dog . It was 11:53 pm. I always feed him at night, so the daytime birds don’t have a chance to eat his food. Where normally he would excitedly race out to greet me, this time he was nowhere in sight. I yelled and yelled. Whistled repeatedly. Still nothing.

So I go in and get a flashlight, then return to my backyard. There he was, laying silently in the middle of the yard. I approached him and from there, hijinks and hilarity ensued. Not to mention, ALMOST tragedy.

It seems that Waylon, in the throws of a passionate love making session with his lady blanket, had gotten himself stuck….IN the blanket.

He had become intertwined with the blanket. But How? I wasn’t sure. I knew I had to help him, but I couldn’t even figure out what was going on exactly. I knew one thing for sure. His “Frank” was fully extended, like never before. And his “beans” were pulled tight and and veins were about to pop…literally. The funny part was the shame in his face and eyes. That was the ONE funny part.

One thread. That’s all it took. One loose thread wrapped themselves around his “beans” to a point that if I didn’t act fast, it was all literally going to pop and my beloved, perverted dog was likely going to bleed out very soon.

So instead of sleeping after a miserably difficult weekend, my wife (a nurse) and I were performing a small, but life saving surgery on our pooch.

I spent the next thirty minutes with a pair of nose hair scissors, attempting to cut this thread that was so tight, it was literally becoming a part of his skin.

Lying on my back on my porch, with his junk inches from my face. Niiiice. Great way to end this horrible few day stretch, right? I gingerly cut attempted to cut away, to no avail. And finally I made the decision to just do it. Take a chance, because he was going to likely die if I didn’t.

So I went for it. Somehow…not really sure how…I did it. It worked.

Unfortunately for Waylon the Dog, his “Frank & Beans” will probably never be the same again. I’m fairly certain that there will be a degree of deformity after that one.

Minutes later, he was sheepishly wagging his tail and drinking water. My wife and I were whispering about the incident in our bed, a few minutes later. We both agree that this was likely the most bizarre hour of our entire lives.

The odds of this happening, him becoming stuck so perfectly are about the same odds as winning the lottery. One in a billion or so.

Let this be a lesson to you, or anyone you know, who either does routinely, or has considered humping a blanket.

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