I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.Woody Allen~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Winter Blonde

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps outofher car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather andyouare losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, theblondesays brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of yourload.

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down thestreet.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocksonthe truck door.

The trucker rolls down the window.. Again she says "Hi, my name isHeather,and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the nextlight.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runsbackto the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in WISCONSIN and

I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue ...

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished,and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.'Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.'How many seconds in a year?Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.' Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... ''Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.Can you tell me God's first name'?'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.''Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?''Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Never mind.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Boy howdy it seems like I just did this.

Maybe I just dreamed that I just did it while dozing off here on the couch.

Why can't I dream I'm doing other things here on the couch.

Never mind. The couch is not that comfortable.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

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There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

It's late Saturday night for me, and I'm headed to bed. Fiance and I just watched the Les Miserables movie, and it was fantastic. People seem to want to compare it to the Broadway production - which I've seen and loved - but I think each just enhances the other, and don't have to be in competition with one another. And I still want to play Fantine.

But until that time, I have to get up to work tomorrow morning. So in case I don't have time to post then, have a terrific Sunday, everyone.

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Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Good Morning Joe,MaG, Ana, SpaceQ, venus , Darlene, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe happy dreams. MaG so nice to see you in the Diner! Ana don't work to hard. SpaceQ enjoy your day too. Darlene I remember my family gathering around the dining table playing cards, laughing and just enjoying each others' company! Those were the days when everyone lived closer together! Haroula, venus, and Cailyn enjoy the sunshine! A relaxing day wished for all!

Good morning Joe MaG Ana Venus SQF Darlene Haroula Sue Gerry Gail Connie and the rest of the gang when you are up and at em this Sunday

Thanks for the openers Joe .. must admit the Forest exam was quite clever and caught my eye in more ways than one

Hello MaG .. you have a nice day too!

Enjoy the 70s and sunshine Ana .. we're scheduled for clouds and thunderstorms .. but, rain is good

Have a good day at work Venus .. glad you enjoyed the movie

Yes Gerry and Darlene, reminiscing with family is so much fun and laughing is good medicine for every body!

Thank you for the coffee and snacks Sue and Connie .. we never go for want in the diner

Drive safe this morning Gail and enjoy the family day!

Well .. hopefully the WX will cooperate with L4L and I today so we can take the buddy boys for a walk .. in the meantime I'm off to garden while enjoying my music .. I my weekends .. take care one and all and we'll see you round the internet

Whoosh...

L4L

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To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

I woke up to a nice quiet day, at least for a while. I'm gonna coffee up and then head on out to walk the monkeys. I let my leg rest yesterday, so I'm interested to see how it feels today. I have a lot of books stacked up that needs reading so I might just pile back into bed after our walk and work on the stack. Time will tell

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

My painy head got in the way again, so I couldn't come online. Much better today, so I'am here...

Weather isn't much in Switzerland. Rain, cold, a bit like in autumn. Should get better at the end of next week. It's about time!

Next Sunday hubby and I will drive to Italy. I really must do the pit fire now to be on time with the objects for my June exhibition. Please everybody cross your fingers that the weather in Italy will get better.... a lot.

Anybody ever played URU live (online)? I know I should ask in the right forum, but I don't want to stay online much because of my head (good or flimsy excuse? ).

I wish all of you a happy Sunday. Keep smiling!

Evelyne

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"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)