Depressed again

Miss KT has always had these "Eeyore" times, when everything and everyone causes a crisis, and then she usually runs away from it...exactly like her father. The spring semester started about a month ago, and she's been blowing up my phone the entire time. I'm out of money. My computer crashed. It'll take IT two weeks to fix it. I have homework. It takes me half an hour to drive to work. The cafeteria food is bad. Everyone went home for the weekend but me. I need gas money.

She just called, with a new list of problems. The cafeteria, that's under construction, won't be finished on time because the college ran out of money. They're over 6 million dollars in debt. They're going to be cutting majors. They're going to be cutting classes. I don't know what to do. I want to transfer somewhere else. I'm not happy here.

OK. First, it's a private college that probably doesn't get any financial assistance from the state. Second, California is in a major budget crisis, and all the colleges are cutting budgets wherever they can. Third, if you keep transferring, you may be in college longer because not all of your credits will transfer with you. Fourth, you won't happy until you decide to be. You weren't happy at home, you weren't happy at junior college, you're not happy now.

Fine, Mom, whatever. Bye.

I know she can't handle changes. I know she can't be flexible. I know she needs to have everything planned out completely. I know she wants to control everything around her. I also know she would benefit from counseling, but I suspect she doesn't want to hear that. I've thought for years that there's more that just ADHD/ODD going on with her, but I could never get her doctor to believe me.

Absolutely she needs to go in for counseling. And YOU cannot be her therapist. My difficult child 1 goes through similar catastrophizing periods and shuts down if he feels he's not in control. His dad's the same way. difficult child 1's therapist and I talked to him about this very thing. therapist pointed out the cost to difficult child 1 when he handles things poorly (effect on others who care, lost time and opportunity, punishing himself and others, etc.) He gave me a chart for helping difficult child 1 work through the cognitive aspects of these behavior choices. It's not that the negative feelings are bad or avoidable, it's how she deals with them that matters.

I agree with you. A therapist would be incredibly helpful. As it is, she needs to be guided through the problem so that she finds her own solutions. Just like the day she called because her gps was out and she got lost, she needs to be pushed to learn HOW to find the solutions for herself. She may also need to try an antidepressant so that she feels she CAN take charge of the problems herself.

I am sorry she is having such a hard time and is sharing the stress with you.