'The Bachelor' recap: Swiss Cheese

Chris Harrison calls this "the most controversial finale in
Bachelor history," which can't possibly be true BEFORE THE F****** THING AIRS. Ben is on a train going through a tunnel, which is either unintentionally hilarious or intentionally hilarious. Ben reminds us that he is currently banging Lindzi and Courtney, and he loves both of them, despite wanting more time with Lindzi and having some concerns about Courtney. And now we are forced to listen to that awful song about how "This year's love had better last," which of course is a sly commentary on the failure rate of this show. Ben hangs out in the shadow of the Matterhorn, which inspires him somehow.

And now his mom and sister show up, and he acts surprised to see them. His mom tells him he looks great, which just means that the producers finally forced Ben to wash the five-year leave-in conditioner out of his hair for the finale.

He tells his mom and sister that he needs some "outside perspective" and his mom says that they're there for him, and I think he's assigning them to dig up some dirt on the two broads that he has to choose from.

He talks about Lindzi first, who "lights up the room," Ben says for the fiftieth time already this episode. And now his sister is asking him if there was any woman who didn't get along with the other women, like try not to make it obvious how much you've been coached, and as Ben explains that yes, Courtney and the other women repel each other like
The Bachelor and common sense, which his sister calls a "red flag."