Do penile implants (bolitas) "work"?

Gentleman because you deigned to ask me this question not to seek pleasure for yourself but "for ladies"! I mean, who else thinks like you nowadays? I was moved -- and am almost teary-eyed [wipes eyes; blows nose] -- because of the selflessness that inhere in your question.

Thus, I beg your indulgence in advance if, in the end, you find my attempt to answer your question feeble, lacking in both depth and data, and/or otherwise completely devoid of any epistemological significance.

The research participants revealed that these bolitas are either made of plastic (formed out of melted spoons, ballpens, toothbrushes, chopsticks, deodorant rollers, necklace beads and, yes, even rosary beads!); metal pellets or steel ball bearing; or mineral-type stones (ivory, jade, porcelain or fiber-glass). Most of the respondents, adroit and resourceful, made their own bolitas or got them for free from their illustrious friends in high places -- e.g., prisons.

Why did these men do it? According to the implant-providers interviewed, the predisposing factor to implant adoption was the insertees' altruistic desire to make their partners "happy" and "content." Other reasons given were: peer pressure and male adventurousness. Still another reason given was -- and this is just a conjecture on their part I think -- that these men were probably feeling inadequate and wanted to increase their organ's size.

This last reason is interesting because any Bicolana will tell you that siling labuyo is the spiciest of all chili peppers. In fact, the rule of thumb is: the smaller the pepper, the hotter it is!

Following the insertion procedure, over 40% of the insertee-respondents had penile-centered complications, ranging from biting, deep and throbbing pain, to inflammation, to pus. Some veins were apparently also punctured during the procedure, causing more than just mild itching, I'm sure.

But now comes the crux of your question: What about the women?

Of the 14 female respondents who had bolitas users as partners, 8 confirmed there was a "difference" during the act; 4 said there was "no difference"; and 2 were "uncommitted." However, 7 of the 14 -- an even 50% -- also had rashes, wounds, pus or inflammation in their vagina after the act.

I'm guessing -- and this is really just a guess -- those female respondents who experienced these complications did not find them "pleasurable," sexually or otherwise. But you can choose to look at that last statistic -- the 50% -- as that proverbial glass: either it is half-full or half-empty.

This makes me wonder: What would be the gentlemanly and scholarly questioner's choice?