We consider ourselves fortunate if we meet a person and know automatically if we are attracted to them, or not. All too often most of us are concerned with being liked and accepted, instead of whether we like and accept our date. I feel most would agree that dating is challenging work. It takes a lot of effort to get to know someone. What if we stopped trying so hard to make it work?

I received this letter from a strip club patron that claims he dated a stripper/exotic dancer for 2 months. His fantasy didn't match the reality. Strippers/exotic dancers perform fantasies for customers---that is their job. Their occupation doesn't make them subhuman. Make no mistake---they are Real people.

"Dear Rose,

Three years ago, I became friends with an exotic dancer (stripper) at a local gentlemen's club. She was 26, and I was 42. We dated for two months. This type of thing never happened to me, so it came as kind of a shock. She was hot, but she was extremely abusive and fucked up! She was as inept sexually as a 16-year-old virgin. I was very disappointed. Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about another fling with a dancer. I remember how bad it really was. Stick with regular women.

Signed: Fantasy Man"

I get a bit annoyed when I hear stories or listen to conversations of men that purposely pick strippers/exotic dancers as date candidates. Don't date them because they are strippers! It adds insult to injury to read the lines, "She was hot, but extremely abusive and fucked up! She was as inept sexually as a 16-year-old virgin. I was very disappointed. Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about another fling with a dancer."

Fling is the keyword that forces my hostile opinion of this guy. If he would put forth more effort into developing a relationship, instead of fantasizing about collecting a wall of stripper trophies (exotic dancers he's fucked)---maybe then he could form an unprejudiced opinion. I feel sorry for the "regular women" that he claims to date. I doubt seriously that this guy will ever be mature enough to find grown-up love.

Fantasizing? Absolutely! Please keep walking into the strip clubs and spending your money, bring lots of cash. You're a wallet that wears shoes---nothing more, and most likely a whole lot less. You're not looking for entertainment or a relationship. You're a venomous spider weaving a web of tangled deception. Keep on fantasizing and leave All women alone. Perhaps one of these days when you're a big boy you'll realize that there's more to strippers/exotic dancers than your shallow attitude of them can fathom. The ultimate fantasy is one day you'll grow up and stop hiding in the corner beating Mr. Spanky. Yes, I would lay a wager that you are your only playmate because no woman could stand you once she gets to know you. I call it as I see it, and I'm not the least bit sorry.

As far as the stripper/exotic dancer being abusive and fucked up. I believe she had every right to be. Self-defense is the only reason women become abusive in this business. Fucked up? For you maybe... you obviously don't respect the personal boundaries of others. Any woman would feel threatened by a guy that is hell-bent on dating strippers/exotic dancers for the sole purpose of discovering whether or not they are sexually compatible with his personal preferences. Friend? I doubt it.

Now, I'll list the Pros & Cons of dating strippers/exotic dancers for those men/women (let us not forget our lesbian and bi-sexual friends) that are mature enough to handle a healthy and loving relationship.

The Pros: They're self-reliant, strong-willed, possess excellent communication skills, possess outgoing personalities, adapt well to any given situation, their mental abilities do not decrease when they remove their clothing, they know and respect their personal boundaries and the boundaries of others, know the difference between needs and wants, are fun-loving spirits, have a great sense of humor, and when it comes to sex, they know what they want and don't want. Most important---they crave intimacy.

The Cons: They know a bad pick-up line when they hear one, know bullshit when they hear it, know when you're being dishonest, are repulsed by liars, ignorance is a turn-off, they abhor hypocrisy, cruelty or indifference of any kind, and presumptuous behavior. They tend to take longer to feel safe with a partner, potential partners must earn their trust and respect, expect lots of foreplay before sex (yes fellas, lots of it). They say "No" and mean it (Do you understand? If not, beware). They are intolerant of those that make the mistake of stereotyping and patronizing them.

So, there you have it. They sound a lot like "regular women"---huh? There are levelheaded or fucked up people in ALL occupations. Please have the wisdom to know the difference. Still wanna date a stripper/exotic dancer? Choose wisely.

I'll leave you with these words of wisdom: "We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love." ~Tom Robbins

X's and O's, Rose Garten

Rose sends in her sometimes thorny views, quotes and opinions from the Atlantic coast where she covers the clubs and well-being of dancers behind the scenes. If you have questions, or need advice. Please contact her with your information and feedback at RoseGarten@AINews.com

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