They'll gussy up the old favorites and put them out there and let you bring your kids out on Sunday afternoons, where you can explain to them how all the players used to be good, and Montgomery and Amaro can sleep soundly knowing that regardless of the team on the field, their focus stayed true to the most celebrated aspect of the game: paying to get into the stadium.

So kudos to the Phillies ownership and front office, who really get the low-level, everyman problems we're having with the team. Happy Fourth of July, everyone! The Phillies are probably going to lose.