Saturday, April 26, 2008

old ghosts

I realize going inside to help female inmates find their way free of addictions and issues really puts me on the spot in terms of "practice what you preach". I am flying solo now with new volunteers, and new format to our 12 step with the hope that we may be more effective doing things this way. It cost me a dear partner. But I have to forge ahead. I was nervous this morning thinking about how things would go, would women even come if we had a closed list for the group, will this work, are we shooting ourselves in the foot? But, the pieces of the puzzle were left in my lap, and as ministry leader I therefore was responsible to find an order to the day. BUT, not before one very huge and significant test.

I found out this morning that last night my youngest daughter was picked up for underage possession of an alcoholic beverage. My husband spared me getting the phone call, the pick up trip to the police station and any mental upset beyond that that would cause me not to sleep. When I spoke to him this morning, he related the events of the night before. Our daughter was at a friend's house, and swore she simply carried a lite beer to someone outside the house. She was immediately approached by an officer, asked for ID, questioned about her brother after he saw the name, and told her family was no good. What is wrong with this picture? If there was an offense, ok, we have a situation. I just wrote to a friend and told her not to become angry with law enforcement and prison issues, just detach and deal with the situation. And pray. And I really wanted to do none of those things when these facts were related to me. I wanted to pound the ignorant jerk who misused his authority and harrassed my 17-year-old daughter. Bully. And all this before 8 in the morning. Sigh.

I was furious. At first. Then what I have taught these women for a year began to kick in...take every thought captive. Find the way out from anger, don't react, respond. And just shoot a prayer up to heaven, "Lord, You know better than anyone about defamation of character and harrassment over Your family name. A little help here?" Immediately I saw faces in my mind, the faces of people who love me and would stand up for our family's honor at a moment's notice...chaplains, ex-inmates, CO's, friends, family, church family, bloggers...I know we have to deal with this situation, and we will. But now my mind is free of the poison someone else tried to inflict on it.