tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.comments2018-05-22T06:53:55.517-07:00Yoon's BlurMilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14088039434355591753noreply@blogger.comBlogger1950125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-22537329077836900382018-05-22T06:53:55.517-07:002018-05-22T06:53:55.517-07:00The website is looking bit flashy and it catches t...The website is looking bit flashy and it catches the visitors eyes. Design is pretty simple and a good user friendly interface. <a href="http://adoption-alliance.com/about-our-agency-texas-tx/ft-worth/" rel="nofollow">learn more</a><br /><br />alizy bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17959360003397216742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-77656582277454916802017-12-22T08:38:25.817-08:002017-12-22T08:38:25.817-08:00Hi, and thank you for sharing your story. A frien...Hi, and thank you for sharing your story. A friend of mine who is also an adoptee shared part 1 of your story on facebook and it made me stop and realize just how indifferent non-adoptee&#39;s can be towards those who have been adopted. It&#39;s not purposeful, but you were right when you said most people are ignorant of what an adoptee may deal with day in and day out because for the rest of the world it&#39;s simply one of those things that no matter how hard we try, we cannot be empathetic to your situation unless we too have been in the same situation. <br /><br />I enjoyed your first part. It was profound, thought provoking, and emotionally stirring. Your words stayed with me for several days. Your second part however lost me a little. Your second part changed mood, changed objective, and changed from a wide spread and inclusive thought that encircled most adoptees, to a very individual view of your own experience. <br /><br />I believe each one of us have secret, hidden emotions that we have to endure because of someone else&#39;s decisions. You are dealing with your emotions partly because you were offered for adoption, but also because of who adopted you. Many of us have issues to deal with. For example, I am a white male, 270 lbs, former military, former law enforcement, a father, a husband, and a Christian. I&#39;m incredibly blessed and very thankful for all the gifts God has given me in life. I&#39;m also an AMAC, Adult who was Molested As a Child. Multiple times a week, for 10 years, from at least the age of 4, to the age of 14, I endured molestation, sodomy, force oral copulation, physical beatings, and constant physical and psychological threats from multiple predators, most of whom were members of my family. After talking with counselors and doing the math, it would not be an exaggeration to say I was victimized over 2,000 times in my childhood. I&#39;m 40 years old and the effects of those years still hurt, still influence, still haunt my daily life. It takes very real effort to control the parts of my life that are affected by the abuse of those years but I have found healing for most of it.<br /><br />The reason I tell you this is because, many times in my life growing up I didn&#39;t want to be a member of the family I was in. I wanted to be adopted. Hell, sometimes I just wanted to die. Don&#39;t get me wrong, I loved my family, very much! There were some really great memories, as I&#39;m sure you have had with your adopted family. But, I also had some very real fear of them as well! (I didn&#39;t realize I feared them until much later in life). There was this hidden and very intense fear of what might happen any second. If I had been given up for adoption, would I have experienced all those things? Was there another life waiting for me out there? What would have happened if I had a different family? Did I cause the abuse to occur? Did I, at four years old, invite being abused? Shouldn&#39;t I have put a stop to it earlier in life if was so difficult to bear? When I was 14 I finally beat up my primary attacker and word spread not to mess with me anymore. But, what of the rest of the effects?<br /><br />So, what if? What if that life was holding terrible things for your future and somehow a plan was made to rescue you from it? Or, maybe it would have been perfect? Maybe too perfect? What if your experiences and your trials and your pain is shaping you in just the right way to serve other people in just the right way? Perhaps your experience was meant to help you bless someone else, in a way that you never could have done, had you never been adopted?<br /><br />I could not have made it through this life without my faith in Christ. He alone is responsible for comforting me and holding me and keeping me through those dark years. I have a blessed hope that I am somewhere in God&#39;s master plan and the BEST way to survive my experiences and my past, is to spend my future trying to help others. <br /><br />I look forward to reading your part 3! I wish the best for you and I do thank you so much for sharing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-60426318572402930502017-04-28T14:34:24.871-07:002017-04-28T14:34:24.871-07:00So how is the birth mother supposed to respond to ...So how is the birth mother supposed to respond to this? She is merely a repository of information? This is the woman who endured shame, the loss of her reputation and great loss at losing her child. Her choice -- made out of fear and desperation -- is the reason why another woman gets to be called &quot;mother,&quot; and then &quot;grandmother,&quot; and maybe even &quot;great grandmother.&quot; Then, in reunion, she is sought out only to provide answers to questions and to provide medical information? If her lost child wants to build a relationship, what is expected of the birth mother now? She accepts a &quot;secondary&quot; role, even though she is the FOUNDER of another woman&#39;s family? This is just like the trauma she experienced decades earlier, when she was viewed as &quot;not good enough,&quot; only now she is older and wiser. She KNOWS that she was/is her child&#39;s mother and that it was her right to be able to raise her child herself; she can see that the reasons for the separation were wrong. She knows now that the system is evil, that she was duped and that her family left her alone and abandoned. But in reunion, she needs to suppress her maternal instincts, to build a wall of protection. Because the years lost can never be restored; the relationship has been severed and no matter how much they try, mother and child will never fully recover from the damage done. So to the poster who wrote, &quot;Seeing his smile on her face was a remarkable experience,&quot; my response to that is, &quot;Yes, for you it was &#39;remarkable,&#39; but I&#39;ll bet &#39;your&#39; child&#39;s mother sobbed in grief after that visit.&quot; Haven&#39;t you gained enough already? If you plan to use a birth mother as a databank of information and are not ready to accept her as a mother to your child -- of EXACTLY equal importance as you -- then ask instead for a non-identifying report. If you are simply &quot;curious&quot; and are not able to offer her a seat at your family table, at a place of honor for what she has provided to you and your family and as a way to honor &#39;your&#39; child&#39;s heritage, then do NOT contact her and throw her back into the trauma and sadness of the past. That is simple cruelty. And I would also add that adopted people please be very clear as to any anger issues you have towards your birth mother. Understand that scapegoating her is extremely cruel. It takes two to tango, so there is man who shirked his responsibility to provide and protect both her and you. She most likely had the weight of the world on her shoulders -- emotionally, mentally and physically.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-87550896309196518572017-03-30T20:48:03.183-07:002017-03-30T20:48:03.183-07:00Beautifully said. Touched my heart. What every ado...Beautifully said. Touched my heart. What every adoptive parent needs to hear. Thank you for sharing ❤D Schrepphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02081895484442310251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-47515121756672864402016-10-18T01:12:16.514-07:002016-10-18T01:12:16.514-07:00I was adopted at six wks old. Growing up I didn&#3...I was adopted at six wks old. Growing up I didn&#39;t know what my nationality was. At that pt in time there wasn&#39;t published research re effects of adoption to an adoptee. I&#39;m justing learning now at 46 yrs if age. If only this knowledge was available previous to myself and my family life may not have been such a struggle....Black sheephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15167674077645064647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-12611425542474717162016-10-18T01:11:11.737-07:002016-10-18T01:11:11.737-07:00I was adopted at six wks old. Growing up I didn&#3...I was adopted at six wks old. Growing up I didn&#39;t know what my nationality was. At that pt in time there wasn&#39;t published research re effects of adoption to an adoptee. I&#39;m justing learning now at 46 yrs if age. If only this knowledge was available previous to myself and my family life may not have been such a struggle....Black sheephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15167674077645064647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-1419418218328619592015-11-08T13:48:30.470-08:002015-11-08T13:48:30.470-08:00An inspirational story of vulnerability and overco...An inspirational story of vulnerability and overcoming adversity<br />thanks for having the courage to share<br /><br /><a href="http://www.brenmurphy.net/coaching/" rel="nofollow">Qualified Life Coach</a><br /><a href="http://soberin100days.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Best Sober Recovery Blog</a><br /><a href="http://www.stopdrinking.club/" rel="nofollow">How do I stop drinking</a><br /><a href="http://www.brenmurphy.net/book-shop/" rel="nofollow">Reading List Sobriety Books</a><br /><br />All the best<br />for the future<br />Bren<br />Bren Murphyhttp://brenmurphy.net/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-13818027428904186572015-09-22T10:44:00.221-07:002015-09-22T10:44:00.221-07:00Very informative post! Thank you for sharing!Very informative post! Thank you for sharing!infant car seathttp://www.toptenbestreview.com/best-infant-car-seat/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-42024728122463462802015-07-26T19:08:05.037-07:002015-07-26T19:08:05.037-07:00Hey there! Someone in my Myspace group shared this...Hey there! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to check it out.I’m definitely loving the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!Terrific blog and fantastic design and style.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.gofastek.com" rel="nofollow">Bubble</a><br />www.gofastek.comCindy Dyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11708398102654526740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-86900104957201453232015-03-30T18:55:37.389-07:002015-03-30T18:55:37.389-07:00There are times that we encounter fear and disappo... There are times that we encounter fear and disappointments in life yet we still manage to stand up straight and face it rather that being silent. That was a very good example of being a brave person. Well, I would like to thank you for sharing a very good article it is very much appreciated, good job! You can visit my site too if you want. Have a great day!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.triciajoy.com" rel="nofollow">triciajoy.com</a><br /><br />www.triciajoy.comandrea chiuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04035532519352427999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-26830693963703020122015-02-24T07:10:01.466-08:002015-02-24T07:10:01.466-08:00Hi, I just found your blog after watching your sto...Hi, I just found your blog after watching your story on Youtube. You write very well; I hope you become a published author. All your posts I read so far seem to have an underlying melancholy and bitterness :/ Obviously 100% you would never be able to make up time or bonding with your Korean family, and I guess that is a painful fact. On the other hand, staying in Korea would have meant living a life being stigmatized for your origins and this would have made your parents&#39; life difficult too. And the irony is, growing up in Korean culture, most likely you would have been taught that children born out of wedlock are undesirables. Western society has its negatives, but they are pretty much the only culture that has somewhat of an acceptance of nonbio children. Ok I am not sure what is the point of my post; I hope you can find solace in your life story someday.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-49847932931416308652015-01-22T17:53:52.573-08:002015-01-22T17:53:52.573-08:00Love it! Very interesting topics, I hope the incom...Love it! Very interesting topics, I hope the incoming comments and suggestion are equally positive. Thank you for sharing this information that is actually helpful.<br /><br /><br />ufgop.org<br /><a href="http://www.ufgop.org" rel="nofollow">ufgop.org</a>lee woohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07720547920308398294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-17858372888867843962014-09-05T02:44:57.343-07:002014-09-05T02:44:57.343-07:00Hello, I just saw your video for the first time ye...Hello, I just saw your video for the first time yesterday. What a facinating life story. Amazing. So glad you saw your parents and had time to spend with them. I know it has changed you within. It has to be a good thing. God bless.Pat Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04315578403921858091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-84714852970654376052014-05-24T19:05:39.021-07:002014-05-24T19:05:39.021-07:00Thank you for this message. As a birth mother, I g...Thank you for this message. As a birth mother, I grieve over the loss of my sweet baby girl. I cannot explain in words how hard it was to give her up. How hard it is to even be alive without her. I am sorry for your loss. Please forgive us, for we know not what we do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-82436166146012953772014-05-18T12:17:30.792-07:002014-05-18T12:17:30.792-07:00Loving and being grateful for your adoptive family...Loving and being grateful for your adoptive family and loving and grieving for your biological family, are not mutually exclusive, as I have tried to explain over and over. Over and over people criticized me when I chose to look for my first mother because it was too hurtful to my mom. Seriously? She was the one encouraging me to look... I hope that one day people can recognize the different layers and dimensions of being an adopted person. Love this post. Hugs, RebeccaRebeccahttp://www.reinventingrebecca.menoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-36226730042773795472014-02-23T22:08:27.139-08:002014-02-23T22:08:27.139-08:00When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, a...When you are sorrowful look <a href="http://www.mocsbar.com/pkk/again" rel="nofollow">again</a> in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that, which has been your delight. See the link below for more info. <br /><br />#again <br />www.mocsbar.comlee woohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07720547920308398294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-48213805337313827352013-08-26T19:18:38.906-07:002013-08-26T19:18:38.906-07:00Many thanks for this piece. It&#39;s all about the...Many thanks for this piece. It&#39;s all about the heart. As a male adoptee, I believe it&#39;s about mending the heart, the loss, the grief, the confusion and the feeling of being different. It&#39;s complex and weird, has many ups and many downs, but we go on and on, just making our attempt to repair our hearts. <br />Sean In Sydney. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-23081107558618748402013-08-26T19:02:52.541-07:002013-08-26T19:02:52.541-07:00Thank you for offering your writing talent to shar...Thank you for offering your writing talent to share this story with us. As an adoptee, adoption loss is my lived experience. I wish all of the people heading off on their adoption tourism adventure to &quot;bring home&quot;, as they offensively say, a child from overseas, would read your story and actually HEAR your words. Unfortunately, adopters are rarely willing to go that deep. Instead, they join their mutual admiration societies with other adopters, create blogs where they publish every bit of private information about the adoptee, and they and their fellow adopters cry &quot;yippee&quot; when the &quot;birth&quot; family signs surrender papers. Thank you for being a broken record - may we all have the courage to speak the truth about adoption loss as often as we can.Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-79283925726553008812013-08-26T08:23:13.724-07:002013-08-26T08:23:13.724-07:00Smiling as I read this that someone can write what...Smiling as I read this that someone can write what I feel oh, so eloquently, and at the same time, sad because this is how I feel as well...and it is never going to go away completely...and that is just how it is.<br /><br />And, I am so blessed (beyond measure, really) to have my first parents who love me and accept me for who I am and are my family in addition to the family who raised me. My family who raised me can&#39;t quite do the same, but that is for them to figure out and reconcile themselves if they can and choose to...Julie Gaglionehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12498578297097094649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-62150532726655798352013-08-25T20:55:15.019-07:002013-08-25T20:55:15.019-07:00Very, very well said. Very, very well said. *Peach*https://www.blogger.com/profile/18249283547377633349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-62422000605294045582013-07-24T09:56:29.847-07:002013-07-24T09:56:29.847-07:00I don&#39;t think adoption is an act of God...espe...I don&#39;t think adoption is an act of God...especially when so many children have been abused and killed by their adoptive parents? Who would want to believe in or worship a God who would create an environment like that for children to be placed into? As a survivor of sexual abuse and domestic violence, I&#39;ve worked really hard to try to find God in all those places...now you&#39;re telling me that He created a this special situation just for me so that I could be abused? The God I serve and have worked so hard to find in these situations would have never created such &quot;special&quot; places for us...He weeps at our separation and that His people act in such a way! Anne Winslowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11132988068633700913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-23827590120200772982013-04-18T10:09:03.903-07:002013-04-18T10:09:03.903-07:00You have such a wonderful post, Mila. Frankly spea...You have such a wonderful post, Mila. Frankly speaking, the more you think about the issues that might form in the minds of your adopted child, the more you will feel anxious. What I would suggest is that you treat them like what you do with your birth child, never give them extra attention as insecurity would only elope. I know this because I&#39;m also an adopted child, and what I suggested is the way that my adoptive parent did with me.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.givingbirthtohope.org/" rel="nofollow">Aiko Dumas</a> <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-48176178052856120532013-04-14T17:56:40.059-07:002013-04-14T17:56:40.059-07:00Anonymouse what about those who have taken respons...Anonymouse what about those who have taken responsibility but have a broken condom,a vasectomy that didn&#39;t work or a raped? No I don&#39;t buy it either, we know in the adoptee community of many adoptees who were not wanted at birth and not wanted now as adults.All adoption begins with loss and trauma, those effects last for life. Too many adopters get through home studies who should not because they are not up to the specialised job of adoption parenting.They don&#39;t accept or understand the initial loss or trauma, they are racist, colour-blind or abusive. Most are victims of the adoption industry, pay huge sums of money for adoptees and may have failed to research adoption thoroughly and the country they adopt from where adoption practises may be corrupt.Adopters have a huge responsibility not to adopt a child who is not really an orphan, to break up a family that could be kept together and to ensure that a child really does need a family in his/her own country not elsewhere. Adoption involves loss of identity, falsification of documents and absence of birth information, sometimes failure to complete nationality procedures.Adopters are directly resp0onsible for those things, adoptees have no choice and mothers have their rights removed or sometimes give them up. I don&#39;t understand what you mean by &#39;the child&#39;s failures in life&#39;? Can you please clarify?Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-69695505078155939132013-04-12T15:25:54.813-07:002013-04-12T15:25:54.813-07:00Adoption begins when someone makes the decision to...Adoption begins when someone makes the decision to have sex without taking responsibility. I don&#39;t buy that all adopted children are &quot;stolen&quot; from their birth mothers. I know of many birth mothers who willingly gave their child away. So yes, I can understand why that hurts. The adoptive parents are not to blame. Unless the adoptive parents were abusive or neglectful, they are not the villains here. Good adoptive parents are not to blame for the child&#39;s failures in life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-65907226229142643932013-04-12T05:11:23.571-07:002013-04-12T05:11:23.571-07:00Melissa,
Wow, just wow. I simply love the pure jo...Melissa,<br /><br />Wow, just wow. I simply love the pure joy on your mom&#39;s face and how she is constantly touching you and hugging you and looking at you. This is a really amazing video, thanks for the good cry I had today :)<br /><br />Laura<br />(Lost Daughter&#39;s adoptee)LauraDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08445185783356024685noreply@blogger.com