Welcome

It's been awhile seen I have blogged. Life got a little busy when my family kept growing. I now have three under 4 years. I wouldn't trade any of them for the world, even on days that I can't seem to catch a break.

When I first started my blog it was mainly to write about digital scrapbooking but I have moved on to other areas. I still love it but can't really do it like I had in the past. I have also learned to crochet and that has really taken over my life! Never thought it would.

I would like to keep my blog open but for all of my crafts. I think I might even learn something else who knows. Hope you stick around.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Reflection

I recently took a trip by myself and for those that know
me, that was a huge step for me. You see, I was married almost seven years
ago; I kept my name and hyphenated his name. At the time I said it was
because I had lived all these years with my name and didn't want to give it
up. But in reality I think I kept it because I didn't want to lose my
identity. The thing is I did regardless of keeping my name. I disappeared
soon after my daughter was born. And then more and more with each passing
year. I now have 3 children and up until recently I had NEVER left them
overnight much less leave town. My oldest is now 4 and a half. I
never realized how important it is to get time to yourself until then.

The weeks before I was a horrible mother, my patience was thin; I screamed at
the most minute reason at either my husband or my children. I was a
monster. I was empty. Completely depleted. I went to a MOPS
Convention, and for those that are not aware of what MOPS is, it stands for
Mothers of Preschoolers, it's a support group for mothers with children from
birth to 6 years old. And let me tell you it has been a LIFESAVER for me!
I made friends and these women are in the same boat with me. They get
me. But there were times in the past that I just allowed to be isolated,
it happens especially when the mere thought of having to pack your kids up and
you know it's going to take FOREVER just to get out the door. It just
wasn't worth it. And you know what? I should have sucked it up and
got out anyway. Because I knew what it would do for me, for my soul to
change my environment even for just a couple of hours.

I let myself get disconnected and that was the worst thing I could do to
myself. I have a dedicated hard working husband but he wasn't in the same
boat as me. He loves me and his children and there is no denying his
devotion to us but I have the bulk of the child rearing and he has the bulk of
the earning that bread. He helped where he could, but I took more and
more and more of the child rearing. I stopped asking for help. And
all I had to do was ask but I didn't. Shame on me!

After going to this conference I learned a few things about myself. I
wasn't alone. I WAS NOT ALONE. I realized that there were other
mothers that were struggling with what I was struggling with. I always
knew that but I was really reminded. My soul was fed. My heart was
full. And I went to the potty and didn't have a little person screaming at the
door that they had to go too. I was able to enjoy a meal without having
to put my delicious meal down to take yet again another child to the potty
AGAIN. And let’s face it, it wasn't really a delicious meal but you’re so
hungry because once again you put your basic needs on the back burner to take
care of something or someone else that you think a sandwich is SO delicious. I neglected myself and not just with my
basic needs but my soul was neglected too.

I reconnected with friends. I learned that some too were finding
themselves depleted and empty, that they too had been staving for a friend to
understand. To not feel left out. I mean I was feeling so left out
that I was jealous and outrage that once again I wasn't invited to a birthday
party I really didn't want to go to. That once again there were friends
that were getting together and having girl’s night out without me. And
let’s face it when I say friends I mean acquiescence's. I didn't really take the time to get to know them so why would they?

Facebook is the worse because you are friends with every Jane ,
Jan and Jennifer.Sure you may have some
close friends if you’re lucky. But it’s a place to keep track of people you
just know. There is one particular person, for awhile I set it up so that I
wouldn’t see her activities, because every time I saw them I was envious.It wasn’t necessarily what she was doing or
who with but that I wasn’t good enough for her.Why wasn’t I?What about me
bothered her? I had a few guesses one being that I liked being a mother and
that it came across that I had it together as far as the kids were concerned.
But we both know the truth, don’t we?We’ve all compared ourselves to other mothers including myself.I read a quote on Pinterest that says
something like we are comparing our worst to their best.How true is that? We know our worst, we have
seen our worst, we go through our WORST!But do we really see anything but the best from others? If we are lucky,
we do.But I am not.And I so long for it.It isn’t because I want to feel superior but
because I want to find someone just like me. And not in the since that I want
to be un-unique but in the since that I want that mask off, I want to see the
real person, all her faults, all her triumphs, so that I do not feel so alone
or different. That I am okay.

Relationships matter to women, right?That’s another thing I learned from the MOPS
conference.I some what already knew
that but the message came across over and over.We all want the friends that Carrie Bradshaw has, right?Maybe not with all the sex talk, okay maybe we
do, a little. But let’s put sex to the side and examine what’s really there. Isn’t
their friendship what we long for?Look
at the messes that they made of their lives and how they came together to hold someone
up in their group when one of them needed it.How
really truthful they were with each other even when it hurt or it wasn't pretty.How they came into their happiness but more
importantly they lived in there pain.They didn’t shy away from it.They brought it to the surface and lead them out of the darkness and
into the light.

God works in mysterious ways.Reflecting back to many moments in my life I
had a pull in some form or another but I never really noticed it until I was
reflecting.I was pretty apprehensive
about going to the conference.I mean I
had really felt disconnected and here I was about to travel with eight other
women that I really wasn’t connected with.We divided the two rooms up so that we had four in each and I was paired
up with exactly who I needed to be.One
somewhat knew me but I don’t think really knew me. She prayed for me a few times.
And we hung out a bit. Another I knew a little but not really.And the other I really didn’t know a whole lot.We laughed a lot. We had a blast. But we
shared.We dug done deep and shared some
pain.Real pain.Whether it was their questioning in there
religion, notwhether or not God was
there but with their denomination or like another the disconnection they felt, their
depletion.And guess what I AM GOING
THROUGH THE SAME.One spoke of how they
suddenly felt the Holy Spirit call them to do something they REALLY didn’t want
to do and even argued with him.And I
realized he doesn’t call me because I don’t pick up. I want to feel that, that
sudden urge that he needed me to do something.I have
always wanted to feel him come into my heart and overwhelm it with his spirit
but sadly I never really had. You know what? The following day I did.I was sitting there listening to the speaker
when I suddenly felt him in my heart and you want to know what I did? I argued
with him until he left and I put my head down in shame. Because he called me
just like I wanted him to but I let him down.I started talking to him and telling him something he already knew.And I asked I told him help me, tell me what
to do and I will do it and he did.I
suddenly jumped into action. And after, I felt not so much relief but like I accomplished
something that he needed.And that
action not only helped him but it brought on the reflection of the so many
things he has carried me through and had done to lead me to where I’m at
today.I hope it’s not the last and pray
that he continues to use me, continues to grow me, because He isn’t finished
with me.I am scared and that’s okay
because he’s equipping me with what I need one step at a time. And he’s not
going anywhere, I just hope I don’t either.

I STRONGLY recommend if you’re a mother, weather you have it
all together or not and you are not a part of MOPS to go find one near
you.Even if you are not a believer of
God, you will be accepted with open arms because better moms make a better
world.Trust me you will not regret it.MOPS is international and you can find the
nearest one for you at www.mops.org.

Images are clickable

SUPPORT me with following links below

These are referral links you must join and actively do to support me. You also need to join through this link for it to count for me. These are great ways to earn Amazon gift cards. Please only join if are willing to work the program. Thank you!
Superpoints