Thursday, March 5, 2009

Online Dating Tip #6 - Don't Go To A Texas BBQ Expecting To Take Home A Vegan

(Speaking of vegan, check out the DW's new kicks. They're so swank the wifey is talking about getting a pair of her own even though that could take a lot of planning to avoid embarrassing matchy matchy problems since the DW only has, like, two other pairs of shoes.)

So, the other night DW and the wifey were sitting in a noodle shop near the Cal campus and at the next table over was a young fresh faced couple having an animated discussion about science versus religion. She was the pragmatic. He was the believer. "But science adapts. It gets better. It acknowledges past mistakes and gets smarter." "Tell me one way string theory is so smart it explains my existence more effectively than God." Etc. Etc.

Ah, youth. The DW sighed and recalled those long gone days when he was sure he could change someone's mind about their entire world view over Pad See Ew. Jesus to Darwin by dessert? Bring it on.

Nowadays the DW wouldn't have twelve bored seconds to talk someone into or out of their religion. Please. Believe what you want. Knock yourself out. We can even discuss that stuff in a show-and-tell kinda way and both learn a little something. But change your mind? As the skater kids on the DW's block say- whatevs, brah. Life is too short. (The kids also say- got a light, brah? but that's not as applicable.)

In online dating terms, this means that the DW encourages you not to engage unresolvable situations. Use the online dating profile for the incredible weeding tool it is. If you're an atheist, simply don't consider churchies. If you want a dude who's the life of the party, don't date a dude who says he's shy. If you want a dude to take home to mom, don't take on an Elvis impersonator. Unless, you know, your mom is super duper cool like that.

This seems simple, the DW knows, but judging from your mail it may be simpler in theory than practice. Look, smaller matters of taste are different. You can truly dislike football and learn to date a Raiders fan. You can, like the wifey, love New Order and learn to love a dude who is an avowed New Order hater. But things that get to a dude's core you're best to assume are somewhat static. A nerd will never stop imparting factoids, a politician will never stop shaking hands, a neat freak will never quit cleaning, a banker will never stop being an opportunistic as^hole. You don't have to read too far between the lines for this stuff. If you spot a dealbreaker in a dude's profile, don't try to talk yourself out of it just because you saw something else you did like. Sooner or later, the truth shakes out.

In other words, sure that fresh faced couple at the noodle shop probably went home and boned like caffeinated squirrels. Maybe it was even extra good and edgy naked sauciness because there was a little animosity just below the surface. But you know what? When the semester's over and they don't have classes together anymore because She declares a physics major and He's searching for a niche in faith based community service, that couple's toast.

6 comments:

I was thinking the same thing (How can you possibly hate "Ceremony??" Shame on you, DW!). ;)

I was wondering if I was being too harsh about ignoring online dating dudes who don't drink. Please don't get me wrong - I'm really not a total boozehound. I don't need to be buzzed or plastered to have fun. I just can't think of anything less fun than going to a restaurant and ordering the cheese-plate...with water. And *then* feeling like a boozehound or a-hole for wanting a glass of wine.

I am aware of the negative effects of alcohol on one's body, judgment, blah, blah, blah. And I am aware that I would be a healthier person if I were never to have a drop of alcohol again. But am I wrong to assume that I wouldn't have fun with the non-drinking date at the 4th of July bbq?? Or at the romantic dinner with the warm, glow-y candlelight? Am I being an unreasonable bitch?

I don't mean to be unsympathetic to a guy who has perhaps had an alcohol problem - and has since cleaned up his act, or a guy who simply doesn't like it...but I want to have, on occasion, some fuzzy flirty fun, too!

(I want to believe that your answer would still be no. But please tell me otherwise!)

here's the thing. it doesn't matter if someone else, even the genius DW, thinks your requirement is silly. you don't, and it sounds unlikely you'll change your mind any time soon. that's what the post was saying-- you could date a non-drinker and fool yourself into being okay with it for a while, but sooner or later you'll get tired of feeling like an a-hole (even if the dude doesn't perceive you that way, any any dude worth dating wouldn't) and it will become an issue and get weird and you'll wonder why you chose to date someone with such a different lifestyle and you'll be back thumbing through profiles again. weed dudes out! that's what the profiles are for.

you should be doing what you enjoy and what makes you happy and comfortable with your dude, y'know?

I once made the mistake of agreeing to meet a dude who responded to MY online ad that clearly said "If you want kids, don't contact me" (actually, what I really said was "If you want kids, voted republican or have a cat, look elsewhere"). His first email to me was "I don't want kids...now". I argued against meeting him with the same logic as the DW used here. He told me I was getting way ahead of myself and we should just meet for a casual drink. I caved, because he was really funny and clever. We went for a drink. Then we dated for the next EIGHT MONTHS...and guess why we had to break up? Yep. He wants kids. I don't/can't. Heartbreaking.

Counter to all this...just because someone in the ad seems to match your likes/dislikes exactly doesn't mean you will fall in love. Physical chemistry is KEY.

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