The first dance is perhaps more nerve-racking than the wedding itself. After all, you and your dance moves will be on display with all eyes on you. During the wedding, you can just stand there and look pretty. Your guests expect you to be nervous and even find it endearing when your voice squeaks ever so slightly as you say your vows. But when the lights go down and the first dance music begins to play, you are back on the stage and this time you must perform. Standing there and looking pretty isn’t going to cut it. Are you ready for the first dance?

Even if you are a terrible dancer, you won’t be able to avoid the first dance. It’s expected. It’s traditional. You have to dance.

If you’re dreading this part of your wedding, you can take charge of it. The first thing to do is talk to your fiance about your fears. Chances are, he’s dreading it even more than you are. Before you sign up for first dance lessons, have a little fun. The wedding isn’t here yet and the stress is mounting fast. When was the last time you danced together? Have a glass of wine, turn on the stereo, and boogie! You’ll have a great time dancing the stress away and connecting. Start with an upbeat song that’s fun to dance to. After a few fast dances, slow it down and enjoy each other’s company. Don’t worry about dancing correctly, you’ll learn that later. Just have fun and get comfortable dancing so intimately.

Over the next few days, start talking about your first dance song. Do you have a special song? If so, choosing music is easy. Listen to your song closely, paying attention to the lyrics before you make your decision final. Are the lyrics appropriate? Remember, your grandparents will be watching and listening.

Apply a “grandmother test” to each song you are considering. If the song lyrics would make your grandmother blush, the song might not be the best choice. This doesn’t mean that you have to scrap the song completely. If the song is graphic or too sexy, you could go with an instrumental version. You can also check around to see if there’s an alternate version of the song that isn’t as graphic.

If you don’t have a special song, start listening to music. Sign up for an unlimited music subscription such as Rhapsody and listen to love songs with your fiance. Type “love songs” in the search box and you’ll have thousands of choices. You can also search by artist or group or simply browse through various genres. Remember to keep this fun. Planning a weddings is stressful enough. This is one part of the wedding plan that you and your fiance can do together and have fun at th same time.

If you don’t want to listen to music, ask your wedding planner, disc jockey, or wedding videographer for suggestions. They’ve been involved with hundreds of weddings and can suggest music that they’ve heard used for the first dance.

Once you’ve found several perfect songs, run the grandmother test once again. Are the lyrics appropriate? Too graphic? Too sexy? If so, keep searching. If not, hold each other close and try dancing to the first dance music. Does the song lend itself to dancing?

Now that you have a first dance song, you’re halfway done. The other part of your job involves learning to dance. Previous generations took dancing more seriously than current generations. Ballroom dancing lessons used to be a rite of passage for boys and girls alike. Today, few young adults have had a single dance lesson. Even if you are an excellent dancer, is your fiance? If you are both decent dancers, dancing lessons will help you to dance together even better.

When you sign up for lessons, let the instructor know that you are learning to dance for your wedding. First dance lessons help you focus on this particular dance rather than giving you a broad dance education. Share the song that you’ll be dancing to with the instructor so that she can help tailor your dance to the song. For example, she may suggest a waltz for one type of song or a foxtrot for another.

Some dance schools specifically offer first dance lessons to brides and grooms. These often include a series of private lessons where you learn simple dance patterns that will make you look like you’ve been dancing all your life. You’ll learn an entrance, several different patterns, and perhaps even a dip. During your lessons, you’ll get one-on-one instruction and gain the self-confidence you need to make your first wedding dance extra special.

If you want to take the dance lessons even further, you can take additional lessons to learn a variety of moves so that you can dance the night away and still look like a pro. You can also get your parents and wedding party involved in the fun if you want. Imagine having your entire wedding party dancing like they know what they are doing. Remember, not only will you have a first dance, you will also be involved in the father-daugher dance and many others.

Part of the fun of taking dance lessons is to keep it a secret from your friends. Imagine their surprise when you and your fiance glide across the dance floor! It’s also fun to take dance lessons with friends. If you are friends with another engaged couple, consider taking first dance lessons together. You’ll have a great time and you might even save money compared to private lessons.

In between lessons and after the lessons are over, make sure to practice! It’s true that practice makes perfect. If it helps, pick one day a week and make it “dance night.” This can be a fun way to bond. Cook a nice dinner, enjoy a yummy dessert, and then practice your first dance. Don’t dance every night or you’ll become bored with the music. Instead, a weekly dance night is just right. You’ll have something to look forward to and you’ll get the practice you need without over doing it.

Use your video camera as a coaching aid. In fact, many lessons use videos as a teaching aid. By taping yourselves dancing, you’ll be able to critique your performance and get even better. Simply set the camera up in a corner on a tripod, turn it on, hit the record button, and then ignore it while you dance. Watching the tape after practicing is fun if you approach it the right way.

When critiquing the tape, make sure not to tear each other apart. This is supposed to be a constructive exercise. Be supportive of your partner and point out the good. Negative feedback will defeat the purpose. It’s hard enough to get some men to dance. You don’t want to ruin a good thing by being negative.

All of your lessons, practice, and hard work will pay off when the big day arrives. You may be nervous exchanging rings but when the first dance song starts to play, you’ll know just what to do.

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