A funny-smelling salve to sooth the aches and pains brought on by today's news.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

My casual Friday outfit

General Motors announced a recall of 1.3 million vehicles due to failing power steering motors. When the motor goes out, the steering gets difficult and causes the grandparent in the back seat to tell stories about driving the old Studebaker.

On a trip to Georgia, President Obama had a Southern-style lunch of fried chicken, beans, sweet potatoes, greens and macaroni and cheese. Apparently he’s trying to improve his basketball game by looking more like Charles Barkley.

The latest rumor is that Tiger Woods is out of therapy and back on the golf course. Witnesses say his swing is a little rusty and he still cringes every time he sees a female golfer with a club.

While at the NFL Scouting Combine, Oklahoma defensive tackle Gerald McCoy says someone asked him if he wore a g-string or a jock strap when he played. It must have been a scout from a semi-pro team in San Francisco called the T-Backs.

Figure skater Johnny Weir did a photo shoot for Vanity Fair magazine while covered with body paint and glitter. Or as he called it, “my casual Friday outfit.”

Bishops in France are upset about a confession hotline that claims to allow Catholics to be forgiven of minor sins over the phone. French Catholic men have started checking to see if their dates have the number on speed-dial.

The TV Land network has ordered 10 episodes of the original comedy series “Hot in Cleveland,” starring Valerie Bertinelli, Wendie Malick and Jane Leeves. It will start airing in June and Bertinelli’s fans are calling it the “feel fat hit of the summer.”

Pamela Anderson, astronaut Buzz Aldrin and pro football player Chad Ochocinco will be some of the contestants on the next season of “Dancing With The Stars.” Anderson’s partner could become the first male dancer to break something besides an arm or a leg.

Weather experts in Lajamanu, Australia, say the fish that rained down from the sky there for two days had probably been sucked up earlier by a thunderstorm. This refutes Pat Robertson’s theory that it’s a sign God doesn’t want people eating sushi.

A prison inmate in Florida won his second consecutive Corrections Idol competition. He got the votes of both the inmates who loved that he sounded like Adam Lambert and the ones who hated it but wanted him as a cellmate anyway.

Animal experts in Claremore, Oklahoma, say a strange-looking creature captured there is a hairless raccoon, not a chupacabra, a mythical animal that drinks the blood of goats. The rumor was started by goats who had eaten copies of “Twilight.”

No comments:

Post a Comment

Welcome to Topical Rub!

Dr. Paul prescribes a daily dose of Topical Rub applied liberally or conservatively to where ever you hurt after the exertion of viewing the daily news, whether it be politics, sports, entertainment or just the unusual posing as reality. Topical Rub comes in two forms: short jokes for quick relief and selections from Paul's column "This Got Me Thinking" for long-lasting relief. Excerpts from Topical Rub are published by the New York Times Laugh Lines page, Huffington Post and other fine humor providers. For a custom batch of Topical Rub for your publication or web site, contact Paul at paulseaburn@earthlink.net or visit his web site www.humorhandyman.com.

About Me

Paul Seaburn is the head writer for 12th Street Jump, a jazz/blues/comedy show on KCUR in Kansas City and kcur.org. He was the head writer for "Taylor's Attic," an Emmy Award-winning family sitcom filled with zany puppets and original music for kids of all ages. DVDs are available on Amazon or at www.taylorsattic.com.
Paul is the former editor and writer for CapitalistBanter.com and contributor to nytimes.com and HuffingtonPost.com. He's written for Jay Leno, Dennis Miller, Bill Maher, many other comedians and speakers, "The Tonight Show," "Comic Stip Live," "Caroline's Comedy Hour" and numerous magazines and websites.