Doting Father – punishing children

It was always so easy to win fights against your kids when they were young. They might kick and scream and throw tantrums, but ultimately, sending them to their rooms was still a viable punishment. Now, you’re practically playing into their hands – and what’s more, they seem to find no greater pleasure in the world than personally subjecting you to the emotional and mental equivalent of Chinese water torture.

On the bright side, you still pay the bills, which means you have the upper hand. As much as your kids want to pretend they don’t need you anymore – it’s stage one in the psychological assault – the reality is, they don’t even know how much they do given that they wouldn’t know how to pay a bill without you.

Your first option is total avoidance (think the US during the early years of WWII). Whatever your shrink or family counselor might have to say about it, this is an effective route, even if it is emotionally traumatizing or whatever. Pretending that any source of anger or irritation or anger is totally unfounded and illegitimate, and thus not worth acknowledging, is bound to drive your kid up the wall, nevermind that this behavior is, in itself, juvenile and a worthwhile reason for your kid to get angry all over again. In the moment, it will be damned satisfying.

If this in itself is not enough to win you a solid victory, take to offense: surreptitiously change the password for your household wireless and keep the information on lockdown. In order for this to be effective, you might also want to cancel 3G on the cellphone – this is an extreme measure and should not be undertaken lightly.

If these don’t work on their own, combine them with old fashioned grounding. But rather than force your kid to stay in his/her room, force him/her to spend some quality time with you. The combination of dinner and a movie with Mom and Dad and general teenage fury with the world is practically lethal.