I’m commandeering Letters to Rob today because I have an important issue to address with you:

WHY THE HALE DID YOU ROB BLOCK ME?!!!!?!

Everything was going swimmingly on the black carpet at the Breaking Dawn Premiere, Rob was inching his way down the line… you were ahead of him by a few press outlets answering questions about FacePunch or whatever it is people are asking you these days and then the perfect storm started brewing… you were talking just a tad too long about your bow tie to Lindsay from Team Twilight who, sadly, had to fall on the sword and take one for the team by talking to you quickly in hopes that we could get Rob next. It turns out, however, you were speaking just a little too long and Rob was moving quickly down the line of fan sites, Dean was giving me the eye and I knew what was about to happen… witness it happening in glorious moving image…

You can almost smell my desperation…

Was this your way of getting back at us for not making good on our promise to start a LetterstoMikeWelch.com or the time we made you the poster boy for our fake “Respect” campaign because you are a good person who hates boob cancer? Or are you just mad that I didn’t ask you what Twilight tattoo you’d get if forced.

I mean God love ya Mike Welch but get the heck out of the way!!! You’re the guy who plays the golden retriever-esque character in Twilight you gotta understand I had to do everything within my power to get Rob to say anything to LTR… the girls here deserve it! I will gladly talk to you any day about anything in the world for however long you want to but not whilst Rob is an arms length from me. THAT’S JUST SCIENCE.

How did you become the ultimate cock blocker dude? I mean REALLY?!

Love ya Mike but ROB!!! ROOOOOBB!!!
Themoonisdown

Yes this happened and yes I don’t feel bad cause you know I had to try everything in my power to get you all some Rob! Would you have done the same? Should I have jumped the barricade and risked getting tackled by Dean??Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

From signs bearing your name (“Ron”) to seeing you in action on the red carpet, to being mere INCHES away from your face, Monday night’s Breaking Dawn part 1 premiere was Epic. Of course, what would have been even MORE Epic if Moon was not being “Rob-blocked” by a certain D-list actor when she was doing interviews, but more on that later (as in another day when we have time to edit another video)

Despite not getting to ask you if you’ve ever tried any other animal shape not-real-pieces-of-meat chicken nuggets other than Dinos, or finding out if you prefer to heat them in the conventional or toaster oven, we had a great night. Especially later in the evening when we came up with THIS list after spending 2 hours surveying the party, looking for you in every corner possible (we even looked IN the waterfall):

Top 7 reasons Rob Pattinson wasn’t at the afterparty (Cuz coming up with 10 was wayyyy too hard)

Kristen got really pissed off that you wore blue too & gave you a unibrow with her sharpie.

You heard they weren’t serving Dino-nuggets at the after-party and the spread was a more “grown-up” affair. Cocktails instead of beer? So you went home & threw something in the microwave & popped open a beer.

You heard you lost “best dressed” of the night to Jackson Rathbone & were ashamed to show our face. Guyliner? Why didn’t you think of that?

While in line to get popcorn & your Breaking Dawn souvenir cup before the movie started (you need to complete your set, of course) the ushers came out & announced the doors were being closed & no one else was allowed into the screening. Dean, your parents, your driver & everyone else you knew was inside, so you just hitchhiked home.

They turned you away when you attempted to bring Bear through the doors. You even explained how you had no idea who more than half of the people were who walked the red carpet & you just felt kinda lonely, but they didn’t care. You pointed out Weird Al Yankovich & how much you needed Bear’s protection & even THAT didn’t work…

Saddened that you didn’t get to talk to Moon on the red carpet, you went home to pen a song about your “missed connection.”

You were told you had to check your cell phone at will call & didn’t want to part with your Jitterbug phone. You saw Ashley Greene’s grandpa eyeing it up earlier & didn’t trust that it would be there when you returned.

After getting home with the champagne-giggles, kicking off our shoes, putting on comfy clothes (FINALLY) and covering our war wounds with Hello Kitty band-aids, it was a nice surprise to find THIS video on one of our cameras:

Until next time (oh there WILL be a next time!)

UC & Moon

We had an amazzzzzinggggg time on Monday night. Make sure to get over to LTT today for Storytime! While Rob didn’t confess his love & whisk us away to meet Bear & ask us to vacuum out his sheets before taking us to bed (yes, together), it was a successful night anyway.

We have more stories to share. So stay tuned! Thanks to everyone we met & who encouraged us and made us SO HAPPY to be there! It was amazing to see faces we recognized in the crowd! XO

It’s late (and I was up at 5:45 cuz I’m still on east coast time) and Moon & I just cleaned up from the FUN AND FABULOUS LTT/LTR party we threw tonight. Now we’re typing up questions for the Red err Black carpet later today- oh yeah, did we mention that we’re gonna be there? Look for the two girls in the matching “Cullen-Swan” Bridesmaid dresses- we’ll be BEHIND them, pointing & laughing.

Needless to say, we can’t think of anything to say to you since we’re terribly tired & really need to focus on what to ask BoBo Stewart today (currently the question reads: “Come on- you can tell us- did Rob take you out for some Edward/Seth bonding time & get you drunk for the first time?” which may not fly with his security/dad who is a brick wall of muscle.) Also we need to practice calling him “BOOBOO” and not “BoBo” which is what I thought his name was until today.

So we’ll leave you with that and this picture of you officiating our civil union yesterday:

This happened

We are normal. See you soon,

Love,
UC & Moon

We are REUNITED! We have SO MANY fun stories already. We will be AT the premiere today & all day. We WILL be tweeting: @Letter2twilight and it WILL be awesome. We ARE realistic & think the chances of us getting a 1-on-1 with Rob are about as great as Rob coming over and asking us for a threesome. Which would also be awesome.

Today i was thinking about how to convince you to take me to the Breaking Dawn premiere. I know i know, it’s a little out there you’ve never taken a fan before but that’s my #1 Reason

This is not what I mean by Spontaneity

#1: Spontaneity
Here we are week after week begging you to surprise us- to do something different than shave part of your facial hair or grow a little more back. Asking you to do something different than wear the same clothes over and over again & be a recluse in your home, refusing to come out for us to see the pretty. You could solve all of these problems by taking me on the red carpet! I promise I’ll be a very willing & very grateful guest.

#2 I’m Definitely DTF so you don’t have to worry about your game- which, by the way, you have none of. I’m cool with your friends watching. Not my first choice, but since you don’t seem to be able to be a part from them, I’ll let this one slide

#3 I’ll come prepared with double doubles in my purse. And I’ll leave room to show a couple hour devours in my bag for us to snack on later

You won't be able to keep your hands off of this

#4 I’m gonna look hot I’ve already found the perfect outfit. Yep, that’s right- it’s a Bridesmaid dress. When they ask “UC who are YOU wearing tonight?” I’ll answer proudly, “Oh this ol’ thing? It’s just off the rack at david’s Bridal. I’m a Bridesmaid in the wedding of Bella & Edward *wink*”

#5 I actually knew who Van Morrison was Even before you mentioned them in that first interview. And I’ll be making a KILLER mix tape for the car ride. You have a tape deck in whatever wheels you’re rolling in these days, right?

#6 I’ll babysit I know Dick can get chatty after drinking a couple glasses of “Bella’s Blood” (the drink special of the after party) so I’m happy to take him off your hands & swing him around the dance floor. I’m really great with dads. [I am not saying I’m DTF with your dad. I mean, I don’t think I am…] And I’ll teach your sisters ALL about American fashion (I already convinced you of my knowledge above)

#7 I’ll bring a date for Dean your head of security. Wait. is that his REAL name? Or the name he was given on one of our sites long ago? Either way, he won’t be alone. I know a VERY pretty girl who would just love to be his date (Surprise, it’s Moon.)

This could get awkward

#8: Less awkwardness
Watching the movie next to me will be way less awkward than watching the movie next to Kristen because you know there are those rumors about the two of you. And, I mean, you DO it on screen. Like hardcore do it Look at these back muscles. That’s not someone who is just playing the tip. You are getting it IN. BIG TIME. And do you think that there won’t be cat calls in that theater? That there won’t be screams from the cheap seats from gals who have been counting down the days until they can see Robsten “make love?” It will be so much less awkward for you to just have your arm around someone new than to be sitting a couple seats from Kristen while you’re both blushing. You can be like “What? What are you looking at it? This isn’t a big deal.. I’m just siting here with my girl UC watching myself do it with a girl on screen. That’s it” It’ll let you continue… your charade or whatever you two think you’re doing.

So what do you think? Pick me up at 8? I’ll be the one waiting outside Moon’s house, in a big puffy pink dress

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Would I make a great date for Rob or the red carpet?