So many of us are wading around in this undercurrent of confusion about relationships, despite all the wonderful things we do and are

but it doesn't have to stay that way...

Through personal commitment, accepting the possibility of change and looking in the right places, we can find happiness

These places, of course, are as much inside us as outside - our way of thinking shapes our reality and our future

Lasting change is self-lead, but sometimes we need a different perspective (or a good reminder) to see the way forward.

In "Healthy Loving Relationships", the key ingredients for change and finding happiness in relationships are clearly presented, for anyone who could use a helping hand in this area.

Learn how to get more intimacy, understanding and acceptance, bring more excitement and passion into a relationship, overcome fears, resolve conflict, and more - it's all in "Healthy Loving Relationships".

FAQ

A. There was never a definitive time when I thought "I'm going to write a book about relationships", it just worked out that way. I'd say it was a combination of many conversations, a lifetime of trying to figure things out for myself and a chance offer to send someone an email about some of what I'd learnt. It was that email that started the process. It soon turned into a 40 page pamphlet, then a little pocket book, and after almost 2 and half years, it's now a 300 page book that covers a fairly wide range of relationship topics.

It's been hard and rather solitary work at times but what kept me going was my belief that I had a valuable message to spread - and that I could do it in a way that reached people.

Q. What qualifies you to write "Healthy Loving Relationships"?

A. Now, at the time the 2nd edition goes to press, I'm 31, never married and have had perhaps a dozen or two intimate relationships, depending on how you define them. I do have a 1st class masters degree, but not in psychology or any of the social sciences, rather in computer engineering (some might say that fact alone disqualifies me from writing about personal relationships). So, I can understand why you might ask what qualifies me to write this book. If you have doubts, perhaps the best I can do is encourage you to read some free chapters and make up your own mind.

What I can say with certainty is that I like to look deeply into things, and the ways of thinking and acting about common relationship issues that I write about, work. I know this because they have been tested, not only by me and those I know personally, but by countless others around the world and from generations past and present.

Some of the content is based around recent research and cutting edge psychology. Some of it is based on ancient spiritual practices that date back 1000's of years. But in any case, I believe the keys to healthy, loving relationships have been known about by some of us, for about as long as the human race has been around. I did not invent or single handedly discover them. What does change though, is the language and the cultural context. So maybe what I've done, I hope, is present a few fresh and engaging perspectives on knowledge which, at some level, we all hold within us. We are built to connect with each other in a loving and healthy way. It's just that, for various reasons, we have a tendency to forget how sometimes. I'm no exception to that rule.

Q. What were your biggest inspirations or influences for the book?

A. Well, I have a hard job boiling it down. There are so many people that have helped make "Healthy Loving Relationships" the book that it is, knowingly or not. I credit many of them in the book. One big inspiration has been having a taste for just how wonderful personal relationships can be, and seeing that a lot of people are struggling to experience that, or do so, but not nearly as often as they'd like. That inspires me to try and share what I've learnt.

In terms of schools of thought and specific types of interventions, the book draws from many sources, in particular: NVC (Non-violent Communication, or Compassionate Communication), CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Mindfulness (from Buddhist traditions). The book also draws on my experience listening to others as a Samaritan, as well as my own personal experiences and reflections.

Other questions to the author

Q. Do you do workshops, personal coaching, or speaking engagements?

A. It's possible. If you have something specific in mind, get in touch and I'll see whether I can help.

Q. What are you working on next?

A. A few more books in the pipeline, including one on tango and how it relates to personal relationships. Also, I'm working on developing the PePol project. At some point in the future I hope to run a dedicated tango dance school. I'm currently working on building the tango community in Southampton, where I teach weekly classes.

Q. How can I contact you?

A. Email is best. Please use the handy contact form here and select the appropriate subject and category. Thanks!

your feedback

What people have said about the book, “Healthy Loving Relationships”:

It's a very warm and charming book, offering a lot of recognition to a lot of people I'm sure. It shows a great amount of understanding to how we work in relationships as we people do, and offers a good deal of useful tips to connecting with others in a comfortable and self-aware way in our search for partnership. Besides that the book made me laugh out loud, for it's being written so funny, witty and personal ! Thanks to the author for sharing his helpful...

Annelies Osterbaan

I'm constantly amazed how perceptive and helpful this book is, even to 'old timers' like me; you're never too old to learn. It's a book one can dip into or read from cover to cover and you'll gain something valuable from it each and every time.

Rosalind Meadow

I just wanted to say thanks as I found your writing very relevant.

E. Blanshard

clear and detailed

Anonymous

I read the ebook and I found myself in it big time quite scary but real it is amazing how you can describe feeling and situations you are so spot on ...

Gilda Pixie

has a nice warm tone throughout, making allowance for people's differences and needs to discover things for themself ...