Obesity Epidemic Blamed On Mirror Conspiracy

The largely unregulated mirror industry is under enormous scrutiny this week following reports that one hundred percent of their products are concave, making people appear far thinner than they really are.

Caught off guard, mirror manufacturers have been slow to respond to the accusations. "We've been selling thin mirrors for decades," said one executive, under condition of anonymity. "The first were actually a production glitch, which we sold at discount in Missouri. Our sales skyrocketed and, when competitors copied us, we upped the ante to maintain profits. That's when things spun out of control."

Ripples are being felt on both sides of the Atlantic. In the US, litigators have filed multiple class-action lawsuits on behalf of obese people nationwide.

"My clients claim they thought only their friends were super-sized," said Jim Beetle, lead attorney for one such suit, "and seek damages from these irresponsible manufacturers that are, well... as humongous as they are."

In the UK, calls for new regulations in the mirror market could meet with huge resistance. One producer, who launched a new "True View" line to get ahead of the proposed legislation, is seeing pushback from customers.

"We don't want the truth!" complained a woman from Birmingham, one of the UK's most-affected regions. "It's too painful to look at."