Share March 01, 2012's comic on:

Transcript

Wally: Rogue nations are building nuclear weapons. The polar ice caps are melting. Unemployment is high. Entire nations are on the brink of default. You aren't saving enough for retirement. Dilbert: What do you have going here? Wally: He said he doesn't pay attention to news. I wondered why.

Share May 10, 2000's comic on:

Transcript

Dilbert says to Carol, "This product would melt the polar ice caps and doom humanity." Carol replies, "That's okay." Dilbert says, "You're a part of humanity." Carol answers, "No, I'm in marketing." Dilbert says to Carol, "I won't help you destroy the planet." Carol answers, "That's what I said until I saw the free T-shirts."

Share February 20, 2012's comic on:

Transcript

CEO: Thanks to your leadership, we collected twenty thousand bottle caps to help fund chemo for poor children. And thanks to your... whatever... we checked snopes.com and learned that the bottle cap thing was an internet hoax. I only brought one teamwork award mug, so you'll have to take turns drinking from it.

Share March 05, 2012's comic on:

Transcript

Dilbert is shopping. A salesman approaches him and says "Do you mind if I pretend to be helpful while I awkwardly try to upsell you?" Dilbert replies "Nope. Do you mind if I pretend to be listening while I think about other things?" "Cool," says the salesman. Dilbert thinks to himself "I'm glad I don't have your job." The salesman asks him "How old is your refrigerator? Do you like ice?"

Share December 14, 1989's comic on:

Transcript

Dilbert: Yikes!!! A skunk in the house.
Skunk: Hi. Oh, don't worry; we skunks only spray when we're scared... I certainly wouldn't use my threatening power to force you to do my bidding.
Dilbert: Then why is your tail twitching?!
Skunk: I'm scared you might not offer me a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.

Share December 15, 1989's comic on:

Transcript

Dilbert is threatened by an abusive skunk.
Skunk: That's right: A big bowl of ice cream could keep me from being afraid and reflexively spraying your living room.
Dilbert: This is blackmail!
Skunk: My goodness, no. It's just that I can't control my fear response. Now I'm afraid that you won't sing the songs from "cats," while I eat.

Share May 22, 1990's comic on:

Transcript

Dilbert walks next to a woman and thinks, "I can't believe she agreed to have dinner with me." In the restaurant, Dilbert pulls out the woman's chair and thinks, "I'm afraid to say anything to spoil this moment . . ." Dilbert thinks, "I guess I should say something to break the ice." The woman asks, "Did I mention that I'm a witch?"