I realize that I’ve said in other posts that I wouldn’t do this no matter how much I thought about it.
That’s a mute point now. I decided that I would give in to the urge to email my ” former ” Maine Sweetheart.
Yes, I do completely realize that it won’t change the situation. I know this. I also understand that chances are very good that He probably won’t reply to it, much less even read it. It doesn’t matter. I’ve accepted all of that, and more. I don’t see making it a ” habit ” as far as emailing him goes, but just this once I felt compelled to do it. One thing’s for sure, I won’t be holding my breath waiting for a response. I know how pointless that would be. Besides no matter what He may, or may not say in a reply, it won’t change what he’s already done and how he’s destroyed my trust in him.
I know that nothing I could possibly say or do will change what’s happened. What’s done is done. One thing I’ve thought about a lot is, ” Why should I let what He did to me change WHO I am ? ” A big part of what makes me a unique individual is the way that I always believe in speaking my mind, and expressing my true feelings, no matter what the consequences. I’ve firmly believed for a long time now that it’s my ” Right ” to express myself how I want to, and if someone has a ” problem ” with that it’s their ” problem “, not mine.
I kept the email very simple. Basically all I said is that ” I miss Him “. I added that I realize completely that it’s probably pointless to tell him that, but I felt a need to say it. I also made a point of mentioning that I know that He’s already replaced Me in His heart, but that He will always have a ” special ” place in my Heart.
Whether any of what I mentioned in the email touches Him, or not, really doesn’t matter. I don’t really care whether it does or not, because no matter what He may say I don’t feel that I’d ever be able to completely believe Him. Even if one day He decided to try to come ” crawling back ” to Me, that still wouldn’t matter. I wouldn’t take Him back even if He came ” crawling back ” to Me on His knees, literally !
Now… I understand that at this point you might be asking yourself, ” If she’s so determined to never take him back again, then why did she say she misses him in an email ? ” The answer to that is very simple.
Unlike him, I can’t simply switch OFF my heart like a light switch. After loving him for many years, I can’t suddenly shut down my heart. He flipped the ” switch ” on his heart, or at least converted the so-called love he always said he had for me, for this Other Woman now. I don’t understand how he did that. I don’t think I’ll ever completely understand it. The only thing I wonder is if he ever truly loved Me the way he had always claimed he did. That doesn’t matter now though, and I know it.
Where does this leave things ? It’s simple. I gave into the urge to email him because I decided to be ” true ” to who I am. I refused to let what he had done to me, change me. It doesn’t mean anything more than that, because I realize completely that nothing I can say will change that’s already happened.
One last note… I’ll be ” shocked ” if he ever replies to my email. But, like I said before I won’t be ” holding my breath ” waiting for a response.

Advertisements

Share this:

Like this:

LikeLoading...

Related

About insanityrules67

I'm passionate about Writing. I have been ever since high school. I also Love to Read Fantasy, or Sci-Fi. Plus I enjoy Drawing, Playing Games Online, Watching Movies, Playing Board Games, Watching WWE Wrestling, and Gazing at the Stars on a Clear Cool Fall - or Winter - Night. Plus I also Love to stay in Touch with my Friends and Family Online.