Scientists Gave Us Something We Never Asked For: Motorcycle Helmets Made From Carrots

Wondering what to do with the leftover residue from the tons of carrots that get turned into juice in processing plants all across the world, a Scottish material science company ignored the obvious answer: sell it to carrot cake makers. Instead, they turned to scientists for answers. Scientists, doing what they do best, spent many months and large sums of money researching clever ways to dispose of the offending material and, eventually, came up with the rather less obvious answer: turn it into motorcycle helmets.

Wait, what?

Now, as far as ideas go, this seems to be right up their with Wonder Sauna Hotpants and the Selfie Stick for stupid.

But, if the scientists had been content with simply whipping up carrot pulp and adding some resin and pouring it into a mold in as a low-cost, low-energy way to make helmets for people who hold little regard for their own personal safety, it may have almost retained a scintilla of decency as a strange, but practical, process.

But, no, they went one step further and reprocessed the carrots again, this time creating carrot nanofibers. Now, not only had the researchers deprived a goodly number of cake bakeries of enough raw product to sate even the most high-demand carrot cake markets, the scientists had wasted even more energy, resources, and time to turn simple organic vegetable matter into yet another inedible compound.

And their genius didn’t stop at converting a simple resource into a complex one justto make motorcycle helmets. Oh, no, they came up with all manner of innovative uses for their new product.They helpfully suggest that carrot nanofibers could be gainfully employed in making surfboards, side walls for motorhomes, dining tables, high-end loudspeaker boxes (obviously low-end ones don’t deserve the carrot nanofiber treatment), and the strangely specific, “product protection mats for marble-working businesses.”

No word on whether this genius technique could be utilized in other vegetable-based goods, though suggestions that apple nanofibers to make cases for iPads and pumpkin-based nanotechnology to create a range of gormless dolls have both been dismissed as being too ironic.