Andy Daly Is Dalton Wilcox, Cowboy Poet

Allow Dalton to tickle your ears with a few verses about the hard cost of living the cowboy lifestyle. Also, there are vampires.

TranscriptCONAN: You're a very
funny improvisor.
You come up with these extremely original characters.
Characters, I'm always thinking to myself, I don't know how
this guy came up with this character.
They're very original.
Did you do one for us?
ANDY D.: would you like me to do a character?
Sure, absolutely.
Big round of applause.
CONAN: I think they put something here for you.
ANDY D.: I do a character by the name of Dalton Wilcox who is a
cowboy poet.
You know about cowboy poetry?
I'll do him now.
He suffers from a certain delusion.
But we'll find out all about that in a moment.
Just want to warn you, once the hat goes on, I'm not andy Daly
anymore.
He's gone.
I'm Dalton Wilcox.
CONAN: cowboy poet.
ANDY D.: I've been referred to by myself and sometimes others
as the poet laureate of the west.
That's true.
Today I'm here to -- I'd like to tell you all about my book and
promote my book which is called "you must buy your wife at
least as much jewelry as you buy your horse."
And other poems and observations, humorous, otherwise, from a
life on the range.
That's the title of my book.
You can find it at wherever books are sold.
It's in the western section, in the poetry section.
Because it's western style poetry.
Would you like to hear a poem?
CONAN: sir, I would, I very much would.
ANDY D.: true work of cowboy poetry from the greatest collector
who lives, that's me.
This one's called "a dangerous life."
The cowboy's life is full of danger.
To risks to his life he's never a stranger.
He knows there's a chance his horse may throw him.
He leaves in fear that a storm may blow him.
All the ways a cowboy can meet his end, there are few of which
he can defend.
His rifle can't shoot the wind nor the fire.
IT will not work against vampires.
Who stalk the plains for cowboy blood and leave their prey dead
in the mud.
Every shadow that moves in the night gives the cowboy vampire
fright.
Vampires, vampires, vampires, vampires!
With fangs as sharp as new barbed wire.
They sneak up on cowboys, sit behind them on their horse and
ride that way for miles, of course.
Scanning the cowboy's neck to get a clean bite and reduce his
paler to a ghostly white.
A vampire can look like anyone.
Getting killed by one would not be fun.
A smart cowboy will carry a stick of wood and bury it in the
heart of anyone he thinks he should.
Some of these may turn out to be regular men.
But better safe than sorry then.
[cheers and applause]
CONAN: oh, my God.
[Laughter]
ANDY D.: was Dalton here?
Was was Dalton Wilcox here?
CONAN: he was.
Where were you?
ANDY D.: I was -- wearing a hat.