Previously on VD, Elena loved them both, but Stefan knew Elena had feelings for Damon. Oh and then there was that Klaus business. They had stakes to kill him, except for one belonging to murdery-possibilities Ric, which is MISSING.

Elena brings Alaric some supplies in a Red Riding Hood sweater and gets all faux-huffy that Damon slipped “Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde” into his reading material. She mutters “thinks he’s hilarious” but the thing is, Elena, he IS. Ric is worried about the missing stake and Elena says they’ve looked everywhere, and sooo….she and Damon are going to Denver to get Jeremy. Elena begs Alaric to disapprove and he’s like “little girl, my problems are waaay bigger than your love life”.

Stefan is imperious in front of a fire. He only has one stake to give to Klaus, but Klaus wants/needs two. Damon waits for Elena, then announces they’re taking first class to Denver. He used miles. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HIM?

I completely forgot that Mystic Falls High School even exists, but Caroline and Matt did not, as they are getting the Decades Dance together. Look, this is the only part that pulls me out of the show. Just do the Mystic Falls Founders’ traditions you do, show. Don’t make me go through the suspension of disbelief that these guys all still go to school and that their adventures happen on Saturdays. Please.

Anyway, Caroline’s plans (no boas!) are interrupted by Rebekah, who’s enjoying this like you’d expect. They fight over who is the chair of the dance committee and which Decade they’re choosing. I do enjoy this battle of the blondes.

Oh, and Caroline’s bag! Matt runs afer Caro and they grin – their plan worked! Now that Rebekah’s all up in the dance, Caroline can “tell him [Matt] says hi”. Methinks she’s going on a mission…

Stefan has brought Ric something brown to help him sleep, then pulls up a chair to help him help himself. In certain lights Matt Davis is so much like David Duchovny it’s weird. Anyway, they dance around the topics of 1. Elena and Damon on the road alone, 2. The possibility of having to torture Alaric for the location of the other stake.

They don’t even bother to buy him lunch before being all “and could you please talk to some dead vamps for us?” Jeremy doesn’t want to since his buddy just got there but, um, the buddy is Kol and clocks Damon! Then more bat-clocking and staking! Kol is (for the moment) out and our heroes run off into the altitude they’re not used to.

Motel. Damon makes a snarky remark about motels, before a snarky remark about Jeremy’s ability to make friends. Elena should be annoyed but looks amused. When they get into a motel room, Damon calls him Whoopi. This is why! This is why this show! Anyway, Damon tries to scare up a decent memory of Rose for Jeremy to use as a connection to talk to her. Elena thinks they’re both nuts but Jeremy connects. She’s there.

Caroline walks through woods to the tune of a female singer. Guess who’s missed her? Tyler! They look SO pretty as they kiss and reconnect in the sun and then rush into a dungeon to get it on. Have I mentioned how great it is that Caroline gets to own her sexuality on this show?

Matt, on the other hand, has to drop off Rebekah, who is suspicious about why he’s being nice. But suspicious in that way that means she hopes he likes her. He drops her off and she smiles a half-calculating, half-blushy smile.

Then walks into her house where her mother is smirking by the fire. And is choked by Rebekah. And says she’s dying.

Motel. Rose is happy. She wants Damon to know he’s still “dripping with sex”. Jeremy blushes. She’s also rooting for him and Elena so Jeremy obfuscates that too. He doesn’t hide that Damon made Rose’s last day beautiful in her mind instead of, you know, a tortured death. Elena’s touched. Anyway, vampire-wise, she was sired by someone named Mary Porter. Damon’s all “that bitch”. Rose is going to find out what’s up with Mary.

Stefan and Ric, drunk. Debates about if the bad inside you is who you really are. Stefan’s being all sweet but Klaus comes, having found one of the stakes. He’s all “let me kill Alaric then”, and Stefan tries to talk him out of it so Klaus kills Ric to speed up the process which – I maybe can’t blame him.

Damon’s fetching ice. Stefan calls. He’s hoping when Ric wakes up he won’t be him. Damon fills him in on Rose, and twists the knife about them being stuck in the hotel. He doesn’t say “with her baby brother” but it bothers Stefan anyway.

Back in the room, Jeremy is on this tip too. What’s up between them? He starts to tell her about Rose, but then Damon comes in. Tension. Thick. Damon’s in the shower. GO AFTER HIM ELENA!

Rebekah and her mother face off in a lovely, soap-esque living room. Anyway, Esther is dying because she’s pulling power from the Bennett bloodline which is weakened. Rebekah is snotty and Esther is all “I have watched over you and loved you” and it’s good to know that thousand-year-old mothers can pull guilt trips too. Anyway, mother is sorry, but nobody should live a thousand years. They hold hands – and then mother quakes and passes out. Or dies? Klaus arrives all “WTF?” and Rebekah says she’s dead and then looks all evil.

Caroline and Tyler, post-coital, no bed. Tyler promises as soon as he breaks the sire bond, they can have a pillow-top. Caroline is all “but you’re doing that today, right?” Tyler feels better and turned 100 times in the mountains (?) so he thinks he can get through anything. Then Caroline drops the whole “vampires are tied by their sires” which means if Klaus dies, Tyler dies, unless he can unpick the siring, I guess.

Motel. Sleepy Elena, Shirtless Damon with booze. Where is Jeremy? Damon shirts up and pours, and she watches him, and you can smell the tension in the room. She just watches him, her eyes covering every inch of his body and thoughtful face. Then he catches her looking. Her at him. Him at her. He gets up. Walks over. Lies beside her. They look at each other. Then she ruins it by talking – she never knew he made Rose’s last day sweet in her mind. Elena wonders why he doesn’t tell people he’s good, but Damon doesn’t want to have to live up to anyone’s expectations. Elena tosses around – but she lets him slowly, slowly, slowly hold her hand. For a second.

Then she bolts up and gets dressed and…hangs out by the vending machine? Unclear. Damon comes up behind her.

Elena: “Don’t”. Damon: “Why? Elena….”

And then she grabs him and kisses him and her life does depend on it, and she can’t breathe from finally giving into him, and OH MY GOD. They kiss, but then look at each other, all conscious. We’re doing this. Yes. We’re doing this. If it’s possible to look calm and passionate, she does.

Elena’s still pressed up against the vending machine kissing – until Jeremy comes out and finds them. Looking mildly shocked, says they’re going to Kansas. Damon heads in and Jeremy gives Elena a reproachful look, which is a bit rich from him, no?

Stefan reads Moby Dick. Alaric wakes up. Thinks this is stupid, his alter ego isn’t going to come out so Stefan can find the stake. They discuss how they’ll do this. Alaric takes off the ring. He’s “taking bets that my dark side doesn’t have a death wish”. Stefan scoffs but Alaric thinks Stefan has to try to kill him. Matt Davis’ face does a great job here.

Night (in Kansas, one guesses). They’ve found the place, and Elena tells Jeremy to wait there, but he’s all “why, so you can make out some more?” Damon calls him a dick, and if this show airs at 8, why can’t Smash use that word at 10? Jeremy is, as usual, kind of pissed but unable to do anything about it.

Old, dark, creepy house. They enter – and there’s years of mail and papers tied up in piles. Anyway, Damon did her once upon a time. A BANG. Through some rather nice French doors and – Mary’s been staked to a wall. Via Kol, as it happens. Surprise, you guys.

Back to Stefan and Alaric. He thinks Stefan’s not trying enough to kill him but when Ric bleeds, he backs off. Alaric’s all “If you want the answers from my dark side you’re gonna have to tap into yours”. Stefan throws him against a wall instead and waits to see who comes up. Oh, there it is. Grinning all Jack Nicholson style. Calls Stefan “weak, one of nature’s most hideous creatures”.

Back with staked Mary. Kol is smug about how she was an Original groupie. But he obfuscates who sired her. He’s still got a bat from the cages, and really enjoys savaging Damon really graphically. Damon tries to get Elena to leave but Kol’s not on that. He throws her off, Damon throws him off, it’s all violent, but Kol wins, as he bat-breaks pretty much all of the bones in Damon’s spinal column and pelvis.

Now we’re back to Alaric’s alter ego doing a kind of Silence Of The Lambs thing. Stefan finally gets in gear, trying to beat the hell out of him to tell him where the stake is. EvilRic snickers that it’s in a cave where no vampire can get it. Anyway, Stefan leaves, looking like he’s googling such a place, and finds Klaus and Rebekah in the dining room.

Damon snaps his bones back into place. Elena might be bleeding but she’s as beautiful as ever. He touches her. Then, as she turns away, clues in. What the hell is she doing? Elena says the boner-killer word, “Stefan”. He thinks she has feelings for Damon, and so Elena took the trip to see if she did, or if Damon would sabotage stuff so she wouldn’t have to make the decision. Damon’s mad, but also kind of desperate for her to know there’s a possibility he wouldn’t screw things up. He says he’s not helping her out by being a dick. This time she’s gotta figure it out herself. On Elena, looking stricken.

Klaus pours a drink and mocks Stefan for being so brutal with Ric, who Rebekah marches off to the cave. And THEN Klaus is all “you know you want to be a Ripper again” , but Stefan spouts some AA stuff about how it’s a part of him and he can control it now. Interesting. He’s not afraid of his addiction anymore.

Elena and Damon in the car, silent. Jeremy, eternally out of the action. That is until Rose starts chatting to him in the back. “Don’t tell them I’m here”. She tells Jere that even though he wants to protect Elena from Damon, they do things for each other. Not only does Elena make him better, Damon challenges and surprises her and makes her a better, stronger individual. Stefan’s love is pure, but Damon is either the best thing for her or the worst. Unfortunately, this nighttime lighting is not the best for Somerhalder’s face, so it’s not as tender as it could be.

Caroline’s. Her mom said Tyler can sleep on the couch. He’s all “so about the plan that might kill me?” But Caro doesn’t want to talk; she kisses him and says she’s not losing him again. Again. Which is all fine until he finds the drawing that 7th-grade Klaus did for Caroline. She tries to brush it off, all “he’s a robot”, but Tyler is jealous – “why’d you keep this?” - and when she doesn’t have an answer, he looks for somewhere else to spend the night.

Alaric. Caves. He goes into that room Rebekah once trapped Elena in and goes to get the white wood stake. Then contemplates it. Why would he give her the thing that makes everyone keep him alive? Anyway, he tells her if she helps him, she can live.

At which point she steps in the cave and says she wants them all to die! Because she’s Esther in Rebekah’s body! Goddamn! “My name is Esther, and we have a great deal in common.”

Whew! Are you sweating? I know there are three eps left but really, now that we’ve seen the kiss – and Elena’s face, way to go, Dobrev – all that is left is who dies in the crossfire to kill Klaus…right? As for you Bonnie fans, I hear you. Her absences feel more pronounced as the season goes on. But you know, either there’s a plan for the three episodes left – or a Bigger Plan. Either way, you have to trust them.

Attached - Paul Wesley and wife in New York earlier this week and Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder at Coachella.