I walked out of that movie. I’ve only walked out on two movies. 10,000 BC and Evita. If I had seen Moulin Rouge in the theater I would have walked out on that too.

http://www.onemillionmouths.blogspot.com jesse j

I love the pets.

Pete Herpich

I really wanted to walk out of Night At The Museum but my ride wanted to stay.

Brian

John Walsh asked for another recap 3 pages ago, and so I made one for these last 20 pages:

Serapis the Androgyne attempts to teach Eve to speak instead of communicate telepathically. As she is investigating some “beeg us rucks” (big ass rocks), Serapis impregnates her in a moment of impulsive passion.

Back on Planet Dogon, Nommo rushes to speak with Lord Ahura Mazda about his strange dream. When Lord Mazda fails to take him seriously, Nommo angrily returns home, consumed with existential angst. The scroll speaks to him, saying “EAT ME”. When he does, Nommo folds space to Earth, circa 65 million BC, where he is taken by the colossal beings that Noah saw in his third communion with Ain Soph.

Flash forward to 9850 BC (50 years after Mithras’ arrival) where Cronus is leading his siblings in the First Atlantean Worker Revolt. Dismayed by the battle, Arges leaps into the Pit of Tartarus (that Nommo had seen in his dream), while Mithras is surrounded by his dirty brat children. When Themis attempts an aggressive mind transfer against Mithras, it goes haywire. Cronus is made aware of Rhea’s love for him, Lapetus is struck bald and absorbs Mithras’ knowledge, and Noah appears to Gaia and his secret children, asking “Who’s your daddy?” A mind-wiped Mithras escapes his pyramid and aimlessly departs Earth.

After the Atlanteans’ encounter, Rhea and Cronus embrace and dry hump passionately, and Themis reveals to the remaining cyclopes that their sister Arges has leapt into Tartarus. They both climb down after her.

In Canaan, Serapis and his posse encounter more and more human corpses torn apart by wild beasts. Talmai and Serapis decide to permanently stay and keep the humans safe, since the Nephilim can’t return to their home world and Angra Mainyu. Serapis reveals he knocked up Eve, and Talmai suggests further interbreeding with the locals, to improve their stock.

20 years later, Cronus and Rhea are living in their father’s pyramid, and have erected buildings in the growing Kingdom of Ys. Ghob angrily appears to Cronus, threatening the human over his increased industrialization and expansion. On the outskirts of the Kingdom, Noah has taken to living in tree-platforms and eating bird shit, while he tries to figure out his purpose “in relation to the Larger Body”. Gaia is not pleased.

Back in 65 million BC, Nommo’s Vril power is unlocked by the beings that captured him. They bury his body deep in the Earth, so that he can be awakened at the end of the Third Age (“The Age of Total Bullshit”) to wage war with Lucifer. The Adversary is badly out of shape, and starts to exercise in preparation.

Mithras, after departing from Earth, inadvertently finds Michael, in his solitude “beyond the edge of nothingness”. Michael, hoping that he has not been forgotten by Ain Soph, befriends the mindless Mithras. It is revealed that after his battle with Lucifer, the Archangel was unable to dismantle his spirit program and rejoin Ain Soph. Disgusted by his “obscene and lonesome flesh” and his “permanent individual consciousness”, Michael escapes to the void at the outer reaches of the universe by ardently believing in nothing. Mithras discovered him since his mind is similarly blank.

In the Kingdom of Ys, Cronus and Lapetus wrestle while arguing over how best to protect their crops from pests. Lapetus, who has become super smart after absorbing most of Mithras’ knowledge in the psychic attack, wants to use DDT to defend their crops. Even though Cronus would rather rely on his own experience than his father’s research, he agrees to the plan. Ghob listens in on their agreement, and promises that the “Pain Train is comin'”. In the showers after their wrestling match, Lapetus bemoans his lost hairy hotness, but is surprised by a vision of Lucifer, who promises that the Atlantean has “bigger fish to fry”.

In 9840, Serapis and the Nephilim are 10 years into the First Beast War. They have built a large palace like Serapis planned, which houses their OPERATION along with Serapis’ children, Cain and Abel. However, Atys– an assassin in Angra Mainyu’s employ– has returned from Dogon and has captured Anak, prize fighter of the Nephilim. He threatens to execute shim unless Serapis pledges allegiance to Angra Mainyu. Serapis doesn’t care, since he too has “bigger fish to fry”.

http://jessemoynihan.com Jesse

Thanks Brian! How considerate! I will re-post this soon after I check it through for accuracy. Nice.

John Walsh

Wow, nice work! Reading the summary I’m truly amazed by Jesse’s mastery of many characters and plot lines. The summary also makes the story accessible to adults who don’t have time to look at Jesse’s childish drawings.
I walked out of Armageddon and Hello Again. Maybe Battlefield Earth, I’m not sure. I know Jesse and I almost walked out of Fifth Element. I wish now that we had the guts to do so. When I see more than one girl in the American Apparel costume contest http://store.americanapparel.net/halloween-costume-contest.html
dressed as “Leeloo”, it seems like they’re trying to sneak this movie into the category of ‘classics’, since it is in no way ‘current’ or ‘relevant’. How long can this go on? It’s a decade old shitty movie, and if you like it you’re an embarassment to liking things. Please.

Brian

Hey thanks for correcting the formatting issue! Hopefully people will read the summary and want to look at the pictures too, if all goes well. Jesse deserves mucho accolades, he should be lifted up on a chair of internet fame during his bar mitzvah of success!