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Yay its nearly christmas .. and i’m getting a cold!
My hubby is away working and wont be home untill the 28th too so ‘bah hubug’ to that!!

I thought i’d put a collection of funny things here to cheer myself up as well as giving you a smile!

To start with here’s my favorite christmas song
I wanted to play this at the end of our wedding but my husband put his foot down and wouldn’t allow it, he said it wasn’t suitable for a June wedding, what a meanie!

A cute winter poem to make you smile.
This time last year i was humming this poem to myself, it’s not quite the same this year with the mild English weather but here goes anyway!

The more it snows (Tiddely pom),
The more it goes (Tiddely pom),
The more it goes (Tiddely pom),
On snowing. And nobody knows (Tiddely pom),
How cold my toes (Tiddely pom),
How cold my toes (Tiddely pom),
Are growing.

A.A. Milne
Winnie the Pooh
The House at Pooh Corner

And some terrible christmas jokes .. christmas wouldn’t be the same without them!

Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho!

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.

Why Doesn’t Santa Have Any Children? Because He Only Comes Once A Year And That’s Down The Chimney!

Where do you find reindeer? It depends on where you leave them!

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Who beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan!

You remember I recently said that I had see on TV that dogs sometimes take their humans on holiday and that I am going to persuade Pixie and Rich to let me take them on holiday.
Well, it did not work out as I expected… They have decided to go on holiday but they are NOT taking me with them!
They said it is something to do with going on an aeroplane and going scuba diving when they get there… well, they are certainly right in thinking that I would certainly not want to go on an aeroplane (if cats were meant to fly they would have wings, or a pilot’s license) and as for diving….well, that means water and everyone knows that cats hate water.
Except, of course, for Turkish Van Cats – but then water is probably nice and warm in Turkey. Hang on a minute…Pixie and Rich are flying to their destination, so maybe they are going to Turkey. In which case, why aren’t they taking me?

So there I was, having a snooze on Pixie’s lap (between my afternoon nap and my pre-dinner nap), when suddenly I dreamed that I was flying – or at least airborne.

I was so surprised that I opened one eye – and was then even more surprised to see that I was airborne, so surprised, in fact, that I opened my other eye.

What I saw confirmed that I really was airborne. This got me thinking, snoozing cats usually carry on snoozing until it is time for food (or a nap).

They do not suddenly find themselves in mid-air!

I thought about this for a while and remembered that this has happened before. NINE times before, actually.

I also remembered that each time it had been for the same reason – Pixie, overcome with excitement, had suddenly leapt into the air.

The reason for this (on all 10 occasions) was that she has been given the “today’s best award” from Zazzle.

Apparently this is rather special and gets the award-winning project onto the Zazzle home page ….. It also seems to make people suddenly leap into the air!

This is fine unless they happen to have their cat snoozing on their lap at the time.

When they do have their cat snoozing on their lap at the time, the result is that the cat in question gets hurled into the air.

Not only is this unseemly, but it also fails to take account of the fact that cats can’t fly.

This particular cat could not fly the first time it happened, and I still can’t fly today on the tenth occasion.

What actually happens is that you go up for a while, then you stop in mid-air for a moment, and then you start falling towards the floor.

Knowing that this happens at a velocity of 32 feet per second squared (I am NOT a metric cat) does not help much – you still go up, pause, and head towards the floor.

At least Sir Isaac Newton used an apple, not a cat. (I wonder if dogs fall at 32 feet per second squared – I must do an experiment one day if I can find a tall enough building).

Anyway, I was so shocked by this experience that I am having an early dinner.

It’s canned tuna because, as you might remember, Pixie keeps sitting on the microwave and, hence, cannot use it to cook salmon for cats.

I think that Mr Jolly (a friend of Pixie’s family) had a good point when he asked why there is no mouse-flavoured catfood, I think I would still prefer salmon, though!

After dinner I will retire somewhere peaceful (ie NOT Pixie’s lap) for my after-dinner nap.

What a day!

Anyway these are Pixies latest ‘Todays Best Awards’ She got two in 1 day so i’m also slightly deaf after the load shrieking sound that she made while i was in mid-air, I hope the ringing in my ears doesn’t wake me from my nap or there will be trouble!

Hi It’s me again, Satan the cat. I had to write again and tell you about what’s been happening around here.
I was watching TV with Pixie the other evening between my after-dinner nap and my before-going-to-bed nap and saw a wonderful little programme presented by creatures called meercats.

They were called Aleksandr and Sergei and are such brilliant salesmen that Pixie phoned in for a car insurance quotation even though she doesn’t drive.
It was a very short programme, but was by far the best thing on TV that evening. However, it did set me thinking….
Now, I am all in favour of animals getting starring roles on TV and these guys have real talent – they even speak human (which, frankly, cats never bother to do – although we could, of course, if we wanted to).
No, my problem is that some idiot has decided to call them meercats.
Whoever did this really should know that:

a) They are not cats at all
b) The words ‘mere’ and ‘cats’ must never be used together.

There are lots of other names they could have chosen that would have been more suitable, such as ‘not quite as good as cats’ or ‘really brilliant, but cats are still best’.

Also, why have these talented animals had to resort to making TV adverts? They should have a show of their own. How about “Really brilliant, but cats are still best live at the Apollo” or “Almost as good as cats den”. (For a different species, I suppose we could have Gnus at Ten? – just a thought).

Anyway, all this led me to thinking that animals (really intelligent ones like cats and ‘not quite as good as cats’) can play a major role in advertising. So I am going to help Pixie with her advertising campaigns for a while. Obviously, she will do the writing because she doesn’t know that I can type (with all 4 feet!), but you know how it is that we cats can transmit ideas to our humans, so that is what I will do.

I thought i’d make a blog to brighten the day as i’m feeling quite low.
My hubby is away working untill the weekend and i’ve also missed all the sunshine today as i’ve been working on my shop, so though i’d put together a few pictures and youtube video clips to make everyone smile 🙂