It’s an excellent question. And it’s a question that, thanks to a broad-minded mom, and a rural upbringing, I didn’t have to ask until I was at 9 or 10. I simply went topless, just like all my best friends, who happened to be boys.

But then came the day when I was reprimanded at our local pool for swimming in shorts without a top, the same exact outfit worn by my best friend, Richie.

I can remember being miffed about what exactly I had done wrong. I wasn’t flaunting my naked breasts. I didn’t have breasts. My chest looked exactly the same as my friend’s. Were they worried my breast buds might sprout, right then and there on the diving board?

And, even if they did sprout then and there, would that be so horribly obscene? Would everyone run from the pool, screaming, like a scene from The Blob? Would they have to evacuate the pool and clean it? Why should my iron-board flat chest be criminalized? For that matter, why should any chest be criminalized?

Now, I’ve got an 8-year-old daughter who, for the most part, likes her hand-me-down, one-piece bathing suits. But, surprise surprise, she also enjoys swimming in just her shorts, or even taking off her shirt when she’s playing with her friends and it’s hot. I love seeing her do this, but I notice that she is often the only one among her girl friends, to do it.

My philosophy is, do it while you can?

What’s yours? Are you a stickler for tops for young girls? And what about bra-style bikini tops? Do you like them, hate them, or are you indifferent?

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I pretty much didn’t wear a shirt in the summer until I was maybe 8, and then I naturally began to feel uncomfortable going shirtless and stopped on my own. My parents never made it an issue. I had mostly boy cousins that I played with and I didn’t see any difference between me and them. There are plenty of family videos and pictures with me shirtless.

I don’t mind one bit if little girls go shirtless. I think the bikini tops can be cute, but are completely unnecessary.

Mom

I don’t like to barge on to your blog space too often, but just have to say that (obviously) I saw no problem with a young child going topless at the beach or in a pool. “Don’t forget the sunscreen!” Maybe I’m old-fashioned but bikini tops seem very unnecessary on kids.

http://www.numbmum.blogspot.com Betsy Shaw

How could you not barge in on this one, mom? If I were you, I would make me hand in each blog post for editing and fact checking.
Of all the things I could have become when I grew up, I had to go and become a blogger. I’m sorry.

Virginia

Being the mom of two red heads this has been a non issue. They are both always in the SPF 50 shirts!

Sarah

It’s funny because my son asked on the way to the pool last week why girls’ bathing suits have tops on them and boys’ don’t. I thought that was a pretty good question. And I didn’t have a very good answer ready and said something like girls’ chests are private. He seemed to accept that. (But in thinking about it, it seems kind of silly at an age when they don’t have breasts.) I also said that some boys do wear tops with their suits. And actually I want to get my son a swim shirt for the sun protection. My daughter (3) has never really gone around topless, and I don’t think I ever did much as a kid.

MamaOf2

I have two girls and they love to run around the backyard in just their underwear in the summer (they’re 2 and 4), but they also love their pretty bathing suits that they wear to the pool and beaches. I guess it all depends on the situation and comfort level of the kids.

Living Down Under

The bikini style ones are pointless on little kids… especially when the bottoms work just fine. I always had a one piece bathing suit and I’ve got my children in those long tops and shorts (living down under where the sun is extremely hot and the UV very high it’s the only way to keep them from getting burnt).

onemusingmama

Funny, in my area, at both the pool and beach, I think the boys are better covered than the girls! Seems like I see very few bare boy chests, most boys wear the swim shirts and shorts. My daughter has both one-piece suits and the two-piece swim shirts/shorts. She’s never commented on boys being shirtless, but then we tend to go when it’s mostly young ones and not when the older kids/adults are there who might wear less clothing. We are all very fair and have skin cancer issues on both sides so we are very careful with the kids. The bikini-tops for little girls – what’s the point? Horrible coverage from the sun and in my mind contributes to the sexualization of children. (I know that’s a slippery slope of a comment; I’m still working out my own feelings about all this. Finding myself surprisingly conservative.)

http://www.artbytricia.com Tricia

I never went topless as a child… Not for modesty, but because I burn after 5 minutes in the sun. My mom had me wear a big tshirt over all bathing suits, weather at the pool or the beach, even with sunscreen. But nudity inside was never a problem.

Christine F.

My girls ages 6 and 3 are frequently out and about outside topless. I remember doing the same thing as a country kid growing up. Enjoy it while it lasts I guess. They have a variety of swimsuits, ranging from 2 pieced ones to full coverage T-shirt style UV ones. Which ever one they end up wearing usually depends on where we are going and for how long (2 pieces are just WAY easier for bathroom breaks especially for the 3 yr old)and their moods.

Katy

I could probably go topless now and look like that 8 year old boy…

Kelsey

I guess I’m the only prude here. my (future) daughter will never go topless. Of course it also should be said that my son never goes topless outside the house either. I firmly believe in being fully dressed at all times outside the house. I wouldn’t let my girl wear a bra bikini top either, but I believe in rash gaurds with spf 50 at the pool for all sexes anyways.

Beth

We’re in the process of teaching our 4 year old daughter some modesty. Today the lesson was “don’t go on the front porch in only your underwear.”

My feeling is that social norms, even when they’re based on arbitrary lines in the sand (for example: why is a curse word a curse word? Why shouldn’t you put your elbows on the table? What’s so intrinsically terrible about belching?), are themselves legitimate. I don’t advocate for social anarchy so I enforce the rules even if when you really get down to it, the basis for the rule is illogical.

Nudity in private is a different story. I let my daughter play buck naked in the creek at my mother’s house. The other day we had a nice little discussion about how all grown up men and ladies have pubic hair because she followed me into the bathroom.

I’m trying to strike a balance between being comfortable with your body but also understanding that there’s a time and a place for nudity and partial undress.

Rachelle

Lol @ Katy!

Well said Beth!

julius

My son has always worn a swim shirt with his swimsuit. I am very fair and burned a lot as a child. My little daughter has one piece that (yes) does have less coverage. I was desparate for a suit and they didnt’ have any girl suits with the swim shirts and bottoms. Now she loves her swimsuit so much that I am stuck with it.

Bikinis on babies really bother me. Their bellies are bigger than their chest. it isn’t flattering or cute (imho).

http://outoftheboondocks.blogspot.com/ Mama Badger

Bikinis on kids are just to make people smile. Oh, and to aid with diaper changes. Have you tried taking a tank suit off a toddler ;)?

I don’t have girls, so I don’t get a real say in this. I would go with Beth, though. Go with the common feeling. If you’re at an activity with topless girls, go for it. People there are obviously comfortable with it. If tops seem to be the norm, then don’t make other people uncomfortable for the sake of your “freedom”.

ps- it is a rule at our school starting this summer that all students and teachers have shirts on at all times, even sprinkler time. I think it had to do with sun protection, mostly. Now most of the little girls wear swim shirts and bikini bottoms. I miss the cute girl suits, though.

alabama

I went topless as a child whenever we had a summer holiday somewhere along the Mediterranean coast. Nobody seemed to care. I don’t have a problem with bikinis on young girls, but my kids (son and daughter) both wear swim shirts, not for modesty but to protect their very fair skin from the sun. I wouldn’t have a problem with my daughter being topless though.

Jakabooboo

I only went topless a few times as a child, but it definitely stuck with me because I felt very uncomfortable. And now my daughter isn’t even a year but I won’t put just a swim diaper on without a top – even in our own backyard pool when there’s plenty of shade. Crazy? Yeah, I know.

MamaBadger is right about one thing for sure – changing the diaper of a little girl in a wet tank suit is NOT FUN! I have a cute little suit I put on my baby girl when we go places, and yikes!

I also see the results of what happens when I flout normal modesty norms. Over 4th of July weekend I caught my son peeing on the palm tree beside my neighbor’s pool. In a backyard FULL of people who were laughing.

Jill

My 5yo DD really, REALLY prefers nudity. We’ve had to create a couple of easy rules: total nudity is allowed in your room and bathroom only. If it’s just her, mommy and daddy at home, she must wear underwear around the house. If we have guests, she must wear underwear and some sort of top. And pants are required to leave the house. Pre-parent, I NEVER imagined that last one would have to be spoken out loud!

Mary

I’ve been taking my now 16-month-old to swim lessons, and it’s funny how many people assume she’s a boy because I have her only in a swim diaper and no top. When we were in the UK when I was six we ran around on the beach naked all the time. I’d like for my kid(s) to be able to be free and natural in their bodies as long as they can. At the same time, I think that kids are getting sexualized earlier and earlier, so it’s a hard call.

http://www.numbmum.blogspot.com Betsy Shaw

Mary: The standard outfit for all children under 5, that I can detect, here in Europe is bottoms and nothing else. Makes sense to me, but I’m wondering if the mothers have to buy whole two-piece suits for their girls and not use the tops, or if they sell just bottoms, unisex suits, for everyone. I’ll have to investigate that.

http://meowmie.wordpress.com Meowmie

As long as DD remembers her sunscreen – tho with the harsh sun here, it’d be better if she wore a long-sleeved UV rash vest when swimming at the beach.

nancyk

My daughter will go topless as long as she likes. I’m 39 – and I claim the right to go topless if I want, when I want. WTF???? It’s precisely telling them “cover this up, other people have decided you are a sexual object NOW” that sexualizes children…. No boobie burqa here!!!!!!!!!!

Jenn

It’s funny, i have two daughters 3 and 1 and most of the time my oldest would rather run around bottomless then topless, to her she likes the long shirts and a pair of underwear, i think she got this from being home while potty training running around with only a shirt on or nothing at all, depending on how hot it was and now even in public she will randomly just take her pants off becuase they are uncomfordable and i haven’t figured out a way to explain to her while we are out she needs to keep her pants or skirt on, so much so I’ve resorted to wearing dresses a lot but i don’t want to have to rely on dresses only. as far as the topless issue I don’t see a problem with it what so ever, i think as long as they haven’t had a puberity phase, if thats how they are comfordable and especially around the house or outside playing with friends i don’t see why it should be a problem at all.

Val

It’s an american thing I don’t understand. Where I come from babies go naked at the beach until they are 2 years old or more. Girls don’t wear tops until they ask for them when they are 11 or 12. It pains me here to see my little girls all covered up; they ask for it because all their friends are similarly covered. When it’s hot at times I ask them not to wear tops and they will once in a while but their stick out among all other covered girls. It’s sad.

steff

To the lady wondering if european moms have to buy the whole bathing suit, no. They sell just the bottoms in the stores, in france chest nudity is , surprise, no big deal

Robyn

Children’s bodies should never be sexualized. NEVER. A six-year-old girl who goes topless is totally appropriate because there is nothing remotely sexual about her chest. I am teaching my daughter to love her body and be proud of it, which potentially could include going topless in the appropriate context. Now, I do actually have BOTH my children (boy and girl) wear rash guards at the pool/beach because of sunburn concerns because they are very fair. But I would not even blink if I saw a prepubescent girl go topless.

C’s mom

I guess I’m the only one paranoid about the crazies out there today. My 2-year-old daughter loves to run around topless, but I don’t feel comfortable letting her do that outside the house, even at the pool or beach. You never know what kind of sick people you are going to run into that like staring at children and I don’t need to give them any reason to stare at mine.

EdenSky

My daughters (3 and 6) go topless frequently. I have no problem with the 3 year old running completely naked around the house and yard or even at the beach. The six year old is starting to notice that other girls are usually more covered up now and she has started to feel shy in public places, which makes me a little sad, but she’s still happy to play in the backyard pool with a friend or cousin in just her underwear. All that being said…I think bikinis on babies are freaking adorable.

Lori

Me and my sisters ran around topless until we were about 6. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Just make sure you use suncscreen! 😉

Kristi Sawyer

There is nothing wrong with girls being topless. Parents insisting on tops for little girls causes the sexualization of kids. For the prudes afraid of “perverts”, there are no more of them now than in the past. The only increase has been the number of paranoid parents who think weirdos lurk everywhere and that somehow children are harmed just because their nipples are exposed. If your child wants to be topless but you won’t allow it due to societal norms you are a hypocrite, since we all are part of society. In the past kids skinny dipped all the time and it was normal. What happened?

Jaylee’s Momma

Personally, I don’t see what taboos toplessness in society at any age. If I thought for one minute I could get by with it without being arrested, you bet your sweet patootie I’d let the girls just fly free just to see what it felt like. Becuase let’s face it ladies, there are some men out there with bigger breasts than ours walking around without a shirt and Lord knows we don’t wanna see that! But seriously, my 3 year old would live life naked if I’d let her, and when it’s particularly hot outside, I have no qualms whatsoever about letting her wander the house in her underpants. (Nobody sits bare fanny on my furniture though… that’s just hygiene… eww.) But in public, we follow the rules and keep things covered. I will admit though that I have huge issues with these little bikinis they’re coming out with now for babies and toddlers. I don’t think they’re cute, I think they’re teaching our girls that they have to have a trashy swim suit at an early age. I’m not saying all the bikini style ones are trashy, but seriously, have you seen some of the designs they’re coming out with nowadays? I prefer the one piece myself. The more her suit covers, the less I have to slather the SPF on.

mel

I dont see anything wrong if girls go toppless at any age.If girls could do this in the USA there would not be as many pervs here.I think they should have more nude beaches,and co-ed lockerrooms too.They make to much money selling sex,nudity does not mean sex.

Robert

When you think about it, to sexualize a child, is to think about what they don’t have, not what they have. so if a little girl has no breasts, and you can see she has no breasts, then the mood is ruined. but put a pretty skimpy top on her and the pervert can pretend all he wants about the hidden treasure…

that is my honest opinion… but I am not a pedophile so what do I know??

mary swanson

i have a 10 and 11 year old girls and they go topless outside at the beach and around the house they have little buds but i dont care they are just little girl there is nothing wrong with it
( o some times they go bottomless in our yard NO PUBIC HAIR YET)

stewart

I guess all the “rural area” comments hold true in our family. My daughter has always gone swimming in creeks, springs, beach — in just shorts, no top. She’s starting to grow breasts now and is really angry that girls have to wear tops. When we point out that lots of boys wear SPF-50 shirts and rash-guards these days, she is not mollified. I do understand: why should girls chests/breasts be so taboo? She still takes off her shirt when she thinks she can get away with it and so far our please to follow the “norms” of society have fallen on deaf ears. More power to her! If her generation can help change attitudes that’s great. The irony here is that girls and women wear the absolute tiniest of bikinis on our Florida beaches and that is considered quite within the norms.

Tina

The first time they asked me to wear a top was at my 12.
Before this I’ve never wear one at any pool or beach.
Though other girls wear tops, I simply felt it unfair for girls and refuse to. And it’s unconfortable for flat-chested girls like me. So they only stayed on my body for a few days.
Now I’m 17 ,I only wear tops or swim suits on races, competitions, at school and infront of male classmates.
Guess I’ll never ask my daughter so, at least not before she started to grow breasts:)

Dude

I think its stupid!!! (The whole idea of clothes)

Does anyone realise WE ARE THE ONLY ANIMAL THAT WEARS THEM??

I wouldnt mind being totally nude constantly if society wasnt so me$$ed up in the heads about it!

Let your daughter go topless,nothing wrong with it…. Girls can LEGALLY GO TOPLESS in this country now anyways (Anywhere a guy cana,they can!)….. (Hardily anyone does it though)

JC

let her go topless until she is in middle school (junior high), and sex differences are enforced [separate locker rooms, showers, restrooms, etc.]

Tim

I agree with Dude. It’s absolutely stupid that we wear clothes. Especially little girls who have nothing to hide. Why make a little girl with no developed breasts wear something as if they do have breasts? How stupid. I think any place that it’s ok for a man to be topless it should be fine for a woman to be topless. I’m not a parent yet but I’m not going to force my kids to wear clothes when there’s nothing wrong with not wearing clothes.

Anja

As a child, I had some one piece swimsuits, but usually just went swimming in bikini bottoms or swim shorts. I see nothing wrong with that. When I was eleven, I began to get breasts and I was really frustrated that I had to wear a shirt everywhere. )))

Anyway…there is nothing wrong with little girls topless. As long as you have good sunscreen! It’s best to teach kids to feel comfortable with their bodies. Give your kids the freedom to be kids.

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Lisa

I have 2 girls. Ages 5&4. I let then go topless. I grew up in france. As a little girl. I never had a swimsute with a top until I was 16. I now live in the US. I don’t see why people are so up tight about about a woman with no top on. I tool my girls to a local publice beach about a week ago. I found a area that was very private. I let my girls go nude. And I went topless.

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