Pages

Saturday, June 4, 2011

MY LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I don't know about you but around where I live (that cardboard box outside the nearest Walgreen's because I'm poor) there's this thing going around where people go "the awkward moment when..." and then fill in the blank. But from what I've heard so far the moments aren't exactly awkward at all. Cause someone will be like "the awkward moment when you're a stranger and you don't know me and I start talking to you" and in your head you're thinking like "who the hell is this guy and why is he talking to me?!?!" and he's laughing like HAHAHAHAHA so you slap him really hard and just stand there. And then you go "the awkward moment when I just slapped you." and now no one thinks it's funny and you look like a terrorist.

Not really. But I mean really, come on. You wanna know a REALLY awkward moment?

"The awkward moment when you run outside of your house naked and everyone's outside having a block party."

BOOM.

Now casually speaking this would never happen. Unless perhaps we all lived in the magical world of Inception where we thought it was a dream but then we woke up and were extremely embarrassed just to find out that that was a dream inside a dream inside a dream inside another endless dream!

The awkward moment when you're at a funeral and someone screams out "MY LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The awkward moment when you call someone a nazi and they're german.

The awkward moment when you tell someone their parents don't love them and find out they're adopted.

I could go on all day with REAL awkward moments. Really, I could.

Or rather I should say all night considering the depth of darkness outside. But anyways I've just found this AMAAAAZZZINGG blogger that some of you may or may not know named Hyperbole And A Half and this woman is amazing. If any of you know Megan Prietzal from megansquared then you will LOVE Hyperbole And A Half. I try not to have too many heroes because it really diminishes the point. Like you're supposed to look up to a few people, not the world.

So my list of heroes goes as follows:

1. Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan

2.Mike Birbiglia

3. Megan Prietzal

4. Allison somethingofhyperboleandahalf

And that's about it. OH WAIT. 6. My big brother

Why did I skip 5? BECAUSE 5 IS A CRAPPY NUMBER DEAL WITH IT. Honestly I have nothing against the number five, except for the fact that it interrupts my enjoyment of the number 6, also I'm not fond of the number 7 for the exact same reason. Which is interesting considering my favorite band is Avenged Sevenfold. ANYWAYS.

So I wish I had awesome artist skills. Whippersnapper is pretty snazzy with art and so is Popcorn. Thankfully V and I both have pretty low art skills so I don't feel undermined by ALL of my friends. I HAVE LOWER BACK PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!

I really do. GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. So I love when you leave your contacts in too long and you know that you have to take them out but you're also really afraid because you know how much it's going to hurt when you take them out and how much more it's going to hurt if you don't. So you slowly reach up to your eye and take out the contact and you're like "please don't hurt please don't hurt please don't hurt.... *out comes contact* aaaaa-- HEY IT DOESN'T HURT!!!!!!!!" So you get all excited and in your excitement you just reach up and take out the other one and suddenly lava from the deepest pits of Hell have been unleashed on your eyes.

"AAAHHHHHH OH MY GOD MY EYES IT BURNS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" and then your family yells at you the next day because it happened to be four in the morning when said events transpired.

So I realize that these posts used to be like waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better when I first started and are slowly spiraling down in a depression BUT FEAR NOT because I have good news. My fruits and I have finished relationship counseling.

Apparently the fruits thought that I was going too fast and wanted me to listen to their feelings before I proceeded to eat them. I'm still going to eat them just as fast. I'M NOT A BAD PERSON I'M JUST HUNGRY.

So today's post is short and a little unbalanced but like I said, check out Hyperbole and a Half and Megansquared. Also if you've got some free time on your hands and you're looking for a new TV show to become infatuated with try Reaper starring Bret Harrison (SO HOT). It's really funny and the plot is well thought out in the first season. You really fall in love with it, so give it a go.

No comments:

Post a Comment

About Me

I am Jess. I am 19. I am awkward. That is pretty much all you need to know. I am also funny. That is also important. I also normally use contractions most of the time, usually when they combine to make words that are not words.