Welcome to the Memorial Branch of Envoy Mortgage, where the assistant makes fun of everyone.

Menu

He’s at it again…

I walked in the office this afternoon (afternoon because nobody tells this gal what to do) to find four empty drinking glasses on my mortgage banker ole Boss James’ desk.

I knew exactly what was up. James Beaver is in the midst of another cleanse. He hasn’t eaten food in four days, and plans to go another seventeen without it. He’s also stomping around the office from computer to computer trying to sneak some new systems he’s developed onto everybody’s computers while they’re gone. He’s having some trouble and is acting very testy. He needs a sandwich is what he needs.

Apparently, my other mortgage banker ole Boss Chad is at a closing (that means some smart Houstonian got a home loan with Chad and they are currently signing on the dotted lines) and has no idea the hoopla being added to his computer.

The other innocent loan officers are out as well and won’t know what hit them ‘til James begins his next team meeting with, “Now if you’ll all open your laptops to the new folder I created labeled ‘James’ System of the Month’ we can get started.

There are days, okay there was one day, where I missed being just the assistant around here. Today is not that day. I bet you a dollar if I was still James’ gofer he’d have me tagging along beside him taking notes while he inserts flowcharts into everyone’s outlook calendars. “Did you jot that down, Ledbetter?” he’d ask between sips of liquified kale.

Real Time Update: Just now, Will, one of the other nice folks that works here came in. James is currently explaining why he’d been on Will’s computer, trying to tell him how great everything is going to be. Will’s going, “Ah, alright, alright” while James is using big hand gestures to show how magical it’s all going to be.

Okay maybe I shouldn’t be making fun. I’m listening to him explain this crap and it actually sounds quite beneficial. See, when someone gets a loan with James or Chad, that person (like you!) is sent a link in which they can upload the documents that are needed to complete the loan. I know this because I am currently in the process of getting a wicked low rate refinance with these guys (and no, they don’t give me special rates).

Anywho, apparently James’ system is a decent setup. When clients upload documents to the system, the mortgage banker gets e-mailed. Why is this important? Because if you get a loan with some hoo ha big box bank, they have no idea what’s going on with your loan. Besides, there’s not one person in charge of your loan like there is here.

I don’t get any money or perks if you all get a home loan with James or Chad. They just high-five me and say, “Good job, Ledbetter.” So do yourself a favor, go house hunting this weekend, take advantage of the ridiculously low interest rates, and secure me a high-five.