http://www.lamaze.org/f/bl/16Lamaze for Parentsinfo@lamaze.org2016-12-09T08:20:47-07:00Zend_Feedhttp://www.lamaze.org/blog/great-expectations-elizabeth-@-35-weeks?source=12016-12-07T07:13:49-07:00

My only major pregnancy update from the last two weeks is that Mae is now responding to outside stimulus - when I press on her foot, she generally kicks back. It's also very easy to see when she's moving around in there, and it has been fun to share that experience with Carson and others. I play and/or sing her song to her every day - "I Will" by the Beatles - and she usually kicks in response. She also gets the hiccups once or twice a day, right against my bladder. All of this plus my ever-expanding belly is making her imminent arrival feel very real!

Because I don't have any other big updates or changes to share, I'd like to use this week's space to talk about a controversial subject: why my husband won't be present for the birth of our daughter.

Women have birthed with women for millennia. It is the most natural thing that a woman's body can do, and it is best understood and supported by other women who have had the same experience. In some parts of the world, women still birth exclusively with women.

For a long time in this country, labor and birth was done at home, surrounded by female friends and family. It wasn't until the 1950s that most women started birthing in hospitals - almost always with male physicians - rather than at home with midwives. These hospitalized women were typically isolated from friends and family, usually spent the long hours of labor alone in discomfort on their backs, and were often sedated against their will. Given the option of being totally alone or having your partner by your side who can support and advocate for you, it's no wonder that a movement started to let men into labor rooms. By the 1970s, it was a widely accepted practice in hospitals around the country and the world. These days, more than 90% of U.S. babies are born in hospitals, and I'd guess that most involved partners are present.

I think it's wonderful that some couples decide, mutually, that the father's presence will be welcome and helpful. However, there is a tremendous amount of pressure for the dad to be there for labor and delivery, which means that men and women alike who aren't comfortable with the idea are even less comfortable vocalizing that preference. Men who would rather not be present - for any number of legitimate reasons - may not speak up because they don't want to be seen as unsupportive. Women who would rather not have their partner there may stay silent because they don't want to deprive him of the experience, or because they don't want to be browbeat by everyone telling them how important it is to have the father present. This influence extends to me; when I share my decision, I am met almost universally with scorn and indignation. "You have to let him be there if he wants to be!" I've heard more than once. "Actually, I don't," I reply matter-of-factly. Why on earth should a man's desires outweigh any woman's when it comes to how she will birth their child? Unfortunately they often do, and it has taken my very strong will not to give in to the chorus. My heart breaks for women who are deprived of the birth experience they know they want because of outside pressure.

Michel Odent is a French doctor who has taken the bold and maligned stance that men should never be present at a birth. While I disagree with that absolutism (as noted above), I think he makes some valid points.

I have heard from several women that their partners were "no help" during labor or birth: they fought, or he got in the way, or she felt she had to pay more attention to his feelings and needs than her own. Even before I spoke with these mothers I knew I wanted to labor only with women, but it was very validating to hear their stories. Carson is a wonderful man and I can't wait to parent with him, AND I know that his presence would be a hindrance for me. I generally want to be left alone in any kind of hardship, and I'm very good at coping and self-soothing. The instant someone tries to help me, it makes everything worse. When I am in the middle of coping with something - breathing through nausea, for instance - and Carson asks me if I'm OK, it takes me much longer to breathe through the sensation. I have explained this to him, but in the moment his concern for my well-being overrides any previous conversation. I have already told my midwife and doula that what I want from them is labor sitting unless I indicate otherwise. It will be easy for me to ask them for help and subsequently ask them to leave me alone, and simple for them to receive my requests with ease and understanding. It would be much more complex to communicate my needs to my husband, especially as he is experiencing the emotion of childbirth in his own way. So, I am choosing to keep that complication out of the equation, and I innately know that this is the right decision for me.

Carson is one of the most supportive and loving people I know, and because of that he does want to be present for the birth. However, as his incredible support has no strings attached, he respects my decision. We live a mile from the birthing center so he will be very close. If at any time I change my mind, he will be there in a flash. Presently my plan is to labor at home, with Carson and our doula, for as long as I can. After that I will head to the center where I will occupy a darkened room, able to find the rhythm of labor in my own way without being interrupted (one of the reasons I knew immediately I did not want to birth in a hospital - so much interruption). It will be hard work, and I will be focused on doing that work and nothing else. I can't imagine a better scenario to bring new life into this world, and I can't wait to introduce Carson to his daughter when the hard work of labor is done, and the hard work of raising a child together begins.

Photo caption: This will be the first year we don't visit my family in Seattle at Christmas, and it's also the first year we've put up our own Christmas tree. Under the tree are presents from my family wrapped by Amazon, to be opened via Skype on Christmas morning. What a modern holiday we'll have!

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/how-to-communicate-your-birth-plan-to-your-doctor-or-midwife?source=12016-12-05T12:07:47-07:00So you've decided to write a birth plan, which is great because a birth plan can be a helpful tool and resource in the process of preparing for your birth. But now what? What do you do with a birth plan once you print it? How do you use it and when? Writing a birth plan is a great first step, but the next -- and perhaps most critical -- step is to share it with your care provider(s).

Birth Plan Timing

Before we dive into the particulars of discussing your birth plan with your doctor or midwife, let's address the optimal time to create and share your birth plan. Many couples only begin to really think about the actual birth of their baby in the third trimester. It's ideal, however, to start thinking about your choices and preferences in birth much earlier. Why? Because the earlier you can have that conversation with your care provider -- to make sure you're on the same page (ie, your preferences match up with her routine practices) -- the more time you'll have to consider an alternate provider if don't feel comfortable. When possible, start the process of creating your birth plan early in your second trimester. To write an informed birth plan, take a quality childbirth class, hire a doula, and talk to your care provider.

Communicating Your Birth Plan

Once you have written up your birth plan, take it to your care provider during your next prenatal appointment. If you find that your prenatal appointments are rushed and leave little time for question and answer, call in advance of the appointment to let the scheduler know you would like more time with your provider, or tell your provider at the beginning of the appointment, that you would like to take some extra time at the end to review your birth plan. Ideally, you will discuss your birth plan "with your pants on" -- in other words, your provider won't be mid-exam, and the two of you can have a discussion across from each other, face-to-face, at eye level. Many midwives and obstetricians will take patients back to their office for a consultation/discussion.

Tell your provider that you have created a birth plan and would like to share it with him for input. Upon reviewing your birth plan, your care provider will be able to point out any items that may not be possible or that do not align with her practices or hospital policies. If your provider brings up areas of concern, be sure to ask: 1) why; 2) what are the alternatives; and 3) if his recommendation does not line up with evidence-based practices for birth, inquire about the contradicting information you've found (consider showing online/printed resources if necessary).

After discussing your birth plan with your provider, you should know: 1) how your preferences and needs were received/treated; 2) if your provider will respect your preferences and wishes; and 3) if hospital policies align with your desires for birth. This information helps to provide you with insight on your expectations for birth and whether your provider and place of birth is the best choice for your needs.

Other Birth Plan Uses

Most care providers will take a copy of your birth plan and include it in your file (which will be present at your place of birth during your birth). Additionally, be sure to make a couple of copies of your birth plan to bring along with you when you go into labor. Upon arrival at your place of birth (hospital or birth center), provide a copy of your birth plan to the nursing staff.

Your birth plan also serves as a reminder/informational tool for those on your birth support team, including your partner, friend/family member, and doula.

The birth plan is a valuable tool to help inform and prepare you for your birth experience -- answering the questions of "what's important to me?" and "what are my choices and alternatives?" -- as well as to help you learn more about your chosen care provider. It will either reinforce the fact that you made a good choice of OB or midwife, or bring to light the need to change care providers (it's almost never to late to do so!).

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/best-of-birth-plans-5-links-worth-reading?source=12016-12-02T08:42:57-07:00This month, we'll be sharing new and existing resources on the oft-talked-about, much loved and sometimes loathed birth plan. We'll address what a birth plan is -- and what it isn't, resources on different kinds of birth plans, and critical tips for communicating your birth plan (perhaps the most important piece of using a birth plan effectively!).

Thoughts on Birth Plans (Stand and Deliver) - Some of the best and most practical advice about writing a birth plan.

A Downloadable Visual Birth Plan (The Best Season of My Life) - Icons for your birth plan? Why not?! Makes for a quick, to-the-point, and easy-to-read visual in place of the lengthy, wordy birth plan. Free download.

A Birth Plan? Really? (Huffington Post) - One mom's top 5 reasons to have a birth plan. Some may surprise you!

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/all-about-inductions---an-inside-infographic-look?source=12016-11-30T09:46:07-07:00Have you talked with your care provider about induction? Do you know others who have had an induction? Do you know the risks, benefits, and when it's medically necessary? Lamaze has several resources on induction to help inform, educate, and equip you with evidence based information to make decisions about your birth and health care. Let's take a walk through the Lamaze infographic on inductions to discover the overview topics and the many in-depth resources available.

It's true that induction is common -- how many in your circle of family and friends have you heard about that have had an induction? But -- is it always medically necessary? It's important to learn about the medical reasons for induction. Take a look at the following reasons (as listed on this Lamaze resource):

You’re showing few signs of labor by 42 confirmed weeks of pregnancy

You have a medical disease that is not responding to treatment

You have certain medical conditions such as high blood pressure and too much protein in the urine (a condition known as preeclampsia)

Your labor isn’t starting on it’s own after your water breaks and you have a Group B Strep positive culture

You have a uterine infection

Your baby’s growth has been slow for his or her age

So if an induction isn't medically necessary, what's the harm? Induction carries several increased risks, which if being performed for reasons other than medical necessity, may not be worth it to you. In addition to the increased risks illustrated above, check out the following resources on induction:

If induction is being considered or suggested, it's important to open a discussion about induction with your doctor or midwife. The illustration above points out some key questions to ask. For more information on an in-depth discussion, check these resources out:

Do you have experience with induction? Share your story in the comments!

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/peaceful-holiday-planning-for-the-pregnant-person?source=12016-11-28T11:08:45-07:00The holiday season is full of fun, nostalgia, merriment, and -- let's face it -- stress. Being pregnant during this time can bring added excitement -- and also more stress. (Do you see a pattern here? Where's there's excitement, there's likely to be stress!) And we are learning, more and more, the importance and health benefits of lowered stress during pregnancy. So if you didn't have enough to be stressed over, now you can stress out over reducing your stress!

But it doesn't have to be this way -- both in pregnancy generally, and the holidays in particular. Take a look at some of the ways you can reduce your anxiety, workload, and stress this holiday season, and ultimately improve your mental and physical health during this time in your pregnancy. Pregnancy demands more of your physical energy (you are growing new life every minute of every day!) and can leave you feeling depleted, over-tired, and under-motivated. Set yourself up with extra support and less demands this year -- your January pregnant self will thank you!

Gift Giving

Buy less. Gift giving is fun, but it becomes a chore -- and stressful -- when it is overdone, feels like an expectation, and puts a strain on your finances and mental health. Determine this year -- in advance -- what you are willing to give, what you are able to give, and what you want to give. If it's a deviation from years' passed, inform friends and family that you're making a change this season. Most will understand without needing an explanation, and those who don't will likely get over it eventually.

Plan, prepare, and make lists. The more you can do to organize and make your holiday season more efficient, the less likely you'll run into a constant state of rushing and last-minuteness. Use your smart phone to make lists, set reminders, and update your calendar. Work into your planning the time it takes to and deadlines for shopping in-person, shipping time, meal prepping, holiday cards (if that's part of your tradition), and more.

Delegate. There is always something on your list that can be handed off. Whether you involve your partner more than usual this year, take a friend up on her offer to help out, or hire a personal shopping assistant -- get help and don't feel guilty for asking!

Relish in the little things you actually enjoy. Do you have a knack for gift wrapping better than Martha Stewart? Are you an expert at finding just the right gift for people? Enjoy those little things that bring as much joy to you as they do to your recipients.

Merry Making

Ask for help. If you're in charge of hosting friends and family for a gathering, ASK FOR HELP. Whether pregnant or not, planning a big social function is a lot of work to do alone. Whether you involve those closest to you or hire out help (think cleaning service, catering, purchasing store-bought pies from your favorite bakery instead of making them yourself), save yourself time and effort by asking for help and delegating tasks.

Change up the tradition. Do you usually host a party for 40 of your closest friends every year in December? Go out for dinner this year instead! Or, suggest attending a holiday concert or botanical garden outing together.

Be an attendee instead of host. Take a rain check on hosting the festivities this year -- let others invite you this year. You may miss being the host, but you'll be thankful for the respite.

Time Out

Schedule time for you. Be proactive and intentional about scheduling downtime. Whether it's a nap, time to read your favorite magazine, or a weekly prenatal exercise class, it's important to make time just for you.

Volunteer. If your energy permits, find ways to actively (or passively -- like making donations) give back to others less fortunate this season. Doing so is a good way to remind yourself of what's most important during the season.

Choose stress-busting activities. Yoga, meditation, exercise, time spent with a good friend, reading, hobbies like knitting or crafting, coloring.... just a few of the many ways you can engage in non-holiday related, stress-reducing activities.

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/great-expectations-elizabeth-@-33-weeks?source=12016-11-25T08:31:56-07:00This week's post is going to be a hodgepodge of topics because I'm not feeling clever enough to tie them together into a theme other than "Whoa all of a sudden I'm super pregnant."

I am starting to adjust to the reality of dressing my larger body. I took being small for granted for so long, and it's also been relatively warm here in Northern California, so I haven't really had to adjust anything in my wardrobe. Now, every morning I'm confronted with cold weather that eliminates all my loose-fitting dresses, and a suddenly large belly that defies my legging options. It's hard to find clothes that fit, are comfortable, and don't make me feel like I'm on display for all the world to see. It doesn't help that I've always had large breasts and they're only exaggerated now. I do have a great pair of maternity jeans that my mom bought for me, but wearing them seven days a week has not proven feasible. We don't have any maternity stores in my small town, so I see a trip to the nearest mall in my near future. In the meantime I admit I have started exploring Carson's wardrobe for comfortable options.

I still feel relatively normal, so it's shocking to see pictures or my reflection in a mirror. I did have to get Carson's help to take off a pair of pants a few days ago, and getting into and out of his truck has started to involve a lot of "oof" noises. Come to think of it, any time I have to stand up from a low-ish position it's accompanied by an "oof" or two. I am happy to report, however, that I'm killing it at squats and can still go up and down with relative ease. Squatting is the one thing my doula friend told me I had to do - other than prenatal yoga which is off the table because I can't deal with the teacher - so I'm trying hard to comply.

Some days I'm really tired and others I'm full of energy. We threw a party over the weekend and I was firing on all cylinders until suddenly... I wasn't. My abdominal muscles started aching from being on my feet for so long and I couldn't drink enough water to satisfy the thirst I had ignored for hours. Lesson learned: take it easy, Elizabeth. This will be good to remember at our Christmas party in a month, at which point I will be that much closer to my January 10 due date. Maybe I'll make the party's theme "Less is More." Alternately, "A Christmas Waddle."

Nighttime has been an evolving process. I've only gotten a few Charley horses, but restless legs (also hilariously called "Jimmy legs") have been a regular disruption. I find that two things help: getting some exercise (i.e. taking the dog on a slow walk) and also drinking a tablespoon of liquid calcium/magnesium right before bed. Both of these things alleviate but don't eliminate the restlessness. When it's really bad I wake Carson up and ask him to rub my calves, which helps a lot. I've also gone through several iterations of how to get comfortable. I ordered a massive body pillow months ago, but realized it was actually interfering with my sleep because it was so hard to turn over and take it with me, and it was also taking up a ton of space in our bed. I switched to just a normal pillow between my legs but, interestingly enough, that seemed to make the Jimmy legs worse (the pillow did help with the sciatica, but I'll take an aching butt over restless legs any day). All this time I've also been dealing with being awake a lot and not wanting to disturb Carson, which makes it even harder to go back to sleep. He insists he'd rather have me in the bed keeping him awake than me sleeping in the guest room, so my current solution is separate blankets. I have a big feather comforter that I can wrap my legs around and toss and turn in without stealing his covers. The last few nights I've slept pretty well so it seems to be working. Mae is still chugging along, measuring 32 cm at 32 weeks. My midwife called her a "little rascal" because every time she tried to determine her position, Mae swam away. Apparently there's still enough room in there to somersault and she hasn't committed to a head-down position yet. You do you, girl! So far no one but Carson has felt her move, because any time anyone puts a hand on my belly she stops moving immediately. I can't tell if she refuses to perform on cue or is just really shy.

The recent super moon had quite the effect on pregnant ladies. My birth center had three women deliver that week, two of whom were only at 37 weeks, and I got my first Braxton-Hicks contractions that night - and none since! Oh, gravity, you powerful beast you.

I'm really looking forward to a low-key Thanksgiving in which my mother-in-law prepares nearly everything (I offered!!) and I sit like a sack of potatoes on the couch watching football. The rest of the holiday weekend Carson and I have committed to dealing with the nursery; right now it looks like a burgeoning hoarder's secret shame room. Wish us luck, and a very happy Thanksgiving to all!

Photo caption: I asked the photographer for an advance image from my recent maternity shoot to share on the blog this week. Is it just the angle, or have I literally doubled in size in the last two weeks??

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/turkey-for-two,-and-other-thanksgiving-tips-while-pregnant?source=12016-11-24T07:38:07-07:00For most people in the United States, today is Thanksgiving Day -- a time-honored holiday tradition that recognizes history, provides opportunity to give thanks for the good things in life, and encourages people to overindulge on comfort foods. If you're pregnant this Thanksgiving, your holiday celebration may look and feel a little different this year. If you're hoping to enjoy your day to the fullest, be sure to take with you the following helpful hints, broken down by the most popular holiday gathering topics.

Eating

Do take second helpings! After all, you are eating for two! Plus, it's Thanksgiving -- second (and third) helpings are expected.

But heed your shrinking stomach room. If you're in your third trimester, eating a large meal in one sitting may push you past your comfort level. Consider eating smaller portions of your holiday meal throughout the afternoon and evening.

Nauseous? BYO crackers. If you're in your first trimester and experiencing nausea, consider bringing your own side dish of saltine crackers. Bonus of morning sickness -- getting out of cleaning up!

Drinking

Drink & be merry! Many during pregnancy choose to abstain from alcohol throughout pregnancy and many choose to imbibe occassionally. Ultimately, it's a personal decision and important to look at the current research and guidelines when making your choice. For those abstaining but feeling left out of the festivities, bring the ingredients for a fun and festive non-alcoholic drink. Pinterest is chock full of ideas -- search "non-alcoholic drinks."

Hydration is key. There's one drink that's always encouraged during pregnancy -- water. Staying hydrated is so important during pregnancy, and especially so in a house full of people where there is lots of activity and the heat is running.

Resting

Rest guilt free. Swelling in your feet, lower back pain, dizziness, and first trimester nausea all are great reasons to find a comfortable seat and put your feet up during this Thanksgiving celebration. No one will give you a hard time about that! And being "the pregnant one," people will likely encourage you to have a seat.

Sneak an afternoon nap. Guess who has the best excuse to fall asleep after Thanksgiving dinner? Find a nice, quiet bedroom and catch a few winks. Who knows, it might just get you out of clean up!

"Get out of jail free" card. If you've just had enough of the festivities, pregnancy is a great excuse to excuse yourself and head home early. Of course, this only works if you're at someone else's house. If you're at your own house, it's perfectly acceptable to call it a night and head to bed, even if guests are still celebrating.

Socializing

Enjoy the extra attention. While not everyone loves the extra attention a pregnancy brings, for those who do, you can be sure it will come your way on Thanksgiving day! Whether it's a pass to sit down (see above), an offer to get you a drink, a shoulder rub from your auntie, or just lots of extra talk about the baby, soak it up and enjoy.

But hands off! Some people love for others to fuss over and touch their belly while pregnant. Others hate it. If you fall into the latter category, come up with a game plan to politely (or bluntly -- whatever your style) let people know that you're not comfortable with their touching. Perhaps a special t-shirt?

Handling unwanted advice. A growing bump and a family gathering prompts lots of advice, suggestions, and birth "war stories." With unwanted advice, many find it easy to just smile and nod. Or, reply with, " My doctor/midwife has advised us to ______ ." It's hard for others to argue with medical advice! If people feel the need to share their scary birth story, say, "Shhh! No bad birth stories -- the baby can hear you! "

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/worthy-reads-on-prematurity,-preemies,-nicu-and-more?source=12016-11-18T04:50:13-07:00For your Friday, and to wrap up this week on prematurity awareness resources, check out the following posts and articles that provide heartwarming stories and practical tips.

What's life like after leaving the NICU with your premature baby? Parents of preemies often deal with an extra layer of fear and protection needed after coming home with baby. This mom shares her own story and helpful suggestions for other parents when going out in public.

How do you talk to other children about a premature birth? Books are a great place to start and educate. This list shares seven reviewed books perfect for sharing with siblings and young family members.

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/5-things-you-can-do-on-world-prematurity-awareness-day?source=12016-11-16T07:36:38-07:00Thursday, November 17, 2016 is World Prematurity Awareness Day, a recognition day promoted by several organizations in the World Prematurity Awareness Network to raise awareness that premature birth is the leading cause of death in children under the age of five. It is a global health crisis. You may be surprised to learn the following prematurity statistics:

Every year in the United States, 1 in 10 babies is born prematurely

The yearly cost associated with prematurity is more than $26 billion

1 in 3 children born prematurely will need special school services due to learning and developmental delays

Premature birth can happen to anyone; sometimes it can be prevented and sometimes it cannot

You can actively support the day and global efforts toward prevention, education, and research! Below are the top five most effective ways to support World Prematurity Awareness Day.

Donate!Give to March of Dimes to support programs, education, research, and comfort to families in need. No gift is too small!

Volunteer your time. Become a volunteer leader, team youth leader, or service partner -- there are many ways to get involved and get others in your community involved!

Join an Action Campaign. Visit the March of Dimes Foundation Advocacy Action Center andmake a difference by joining their advocacy network, taking action on one (or all!) of the listed engagements. They need thousands of voices to persuade policymakers to pass laws and regulations that promote the health of women, children and families.

Participate in an event in your area. Your nearest city likely has an event planned to support prematurity awareness -- search it up, check it out, and plan to attend!

Share your story. If you have a personal story of premature birth, life with a preemie, or infant loss, consider joining the March of Dimes "Share Your Story" online community and share your story with other parents in need of support.

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/baby-born-prematurely?-here-are-3-resources-you-can-turn-to-now?source=12016-11-14T09:31:34-07:00For many parents, premature birth is unexpected, scary, and overwhelming. It's true that medically, we have made many advances to help premature babies survive and thrive, but even so, it can be a time of great uncertainty and heightened anxiety caused by the many ups and downs that are often the hallmark of prematurity. It's critical to have support during this time. In addition to the medical and emotional support from health care providers, family, and friends, you may need additional resources. The following three online resources dedicated to helping parents navigate the confusing and worrisome first few weeks and months of life with a premature baby.

Hand to Hold is a non profit parent support organization founded by mothers who gave birth to premature babies and found the need for a community of other parents who had gone through similiar experiences. The site offers peer-to-peer support nationwide allowing parents to connect across the country to share their personal experiences. Other resources include FAQs, educational videos and articles, resources in Spanish, a resource directory and "meet the provider" interviews.

For help navigating the NICU with a preemie. Included on the site are resources for preemie development, informational articles for parents experiencing NICU, and a free app you can download which offers "an empowering and educational pocket guide to prematurity, helping to reshape the preemie parent experience from day one."

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/great-expectations-elizabeth-@-31-weeks?source=12016-11-11T11:18:13-07:00Well, it happened. I "popped." That is a word that has been used in reference to my stomach at least a dozen times in the past week, almost always accompanied by how "cute" I look. Guess how much I love this new commentary? About as much as I've enjoyed the previous 30 weeks of it! If only comments about my poppin' body had replaced the dreaded "how do you feel?" inquiry, I might be more patient. Unfortunately, people now ask it with increased frequency AND urgency. I have wholly given in to the grumpy pregnant persona I have cultivated, and I do not even make excuses anymore when I snap back, "I feel tired of that question, please stop asking." A few moments ago I stood in a hallway, flanked on three sides by three sweet coworkers taking turns talking about how damn cute I look today and how pop-y I am, and I yelled into the fray of it, "STOP! NO MORE BODY COMMENTS!" To which they sort of chuckled in an "oh, that's Elizabeth for you" kind of way. To my dismay, people are EMBRACING my spiteful attitude, sort of in the way you love a curmudgeonly grandpa who says inappropriate things that you somehow find endearing. "Well, that's grandpa for you. He can't help it, he's old. Isn't he adorable?" Which, for the record, is the last thing grandpa wants you to think of him.

In other pregnancy news, Mae continues to be right on target after her initial dip below average: I measured 30 cm at my 30 week appointment. I also found out I'm allowed to opt out of gestational diabetes testing, which I did. I have zero of the signs or symptoms and I hate the "one size fits all" Western medicine approach to pregnancy, so heck yeah, count me out! I also opted out of all the repeat blood work since the first round was perfect, my hemoglobin count at 30 weeks was excellent, and my insurance sucks. I'd much rather put those hundreds of dollars toward my chiropractor and a massage or two.

Here are a few milestones from the past two weeks: I can't see my feet when I look straight down. Mae is big enough and kicking hard enough that I can sometimes see my stomach move; last night I was reading and had my hands resting on my belly, and she jolted the whole book which made me laugh. I am swelling for the first time and can't wear my wedding rings anymore (it goes on easy in the morning but taking it off at night is a challenge, and I've decided that's not a fight worth fighting). Sometimes I throw up for no reason, because the Relaxin hormone makes it hard for my gag reflex to keep anything down. My bellybutton is still an "innie," though!

~~

I wrote the first half of this post on Tuesday morning, and now it's Thursday and I'm starting to come to terms with how I will exist in a country that just elected a misogynist, racist xenophobe as its next president. I know people who voted for him, and I know that many people voted for him despite and not because of these qualities. Still, it's a lot to swallow. Instead of my daughter possibly being born on the inauguration day of the first female president, her birth will now eternally be linked to the rise of power of a man who brags about sexual assaulting women, and of millions of Americans who now feel entitled to act on every hateful impulse they may have. On Tuesday night and all day Wednesday I wept, apologizing over and over to my unborn baby girl for what awaits her on the outside. I wondered if I should have shared my own sexual assault stories (yes, it has happened to me more than once) with people I knew might vote for him. Would it have made a difference if I could show the very real impact of the rape culture we live in, many of us blindly because millions of women like me remain silent? Is that the kind of example I want to set for my daughter, a "grin and bear it" and "don't say unpleasant things" role model? But I did stay silent, and I maybe didn't do very much else to help my candidate get elected because, like most Americans, I was sure the election was in the bag. Now I have shut down, incapable of processing the cabinet he will appoint, the Supreme Court justice(s) he will nominate, the progressive work he will undo.

I understand that this is a pregnancy website, not a liberal/progressive site, and as such the readership is likely mixed. I don't think of myself as an elitist - I work with low-income people and I live in a rural area with a mixed political and cultural population that I love and embrace - and I understand that he won because our nation is deeply troubled by the status quo. I know not everyone who voted for him will do hateful, racist things, the kinds of things we've all seen all over our social media accounts for two days that horrify most decent people. However, I can't write this week's blog entry and not talk about the impact the election is having and will continue to have on my pregnancy. I'm deeply depressed. I feel impotent and terrified for the national and global implications. People say it will be okay, but it might not be. I can't stop thinking about that. And I also feel very guilty that this depression is impacting Mae; how could it not?

So that's where I am. Very pregnant, very scared, and very sad.

*The political views expressed in this post belong to the author and are not a representation of Lamaze International, as we do not maintain a political endorsement of any presidential candidate or party.

]]>http://www.lamaze.org/blog/tips-for-handling-stressful-and-emotional-events-during-pregnancy?source=12016-11-09T10:04:23-07:00Pregnancy lasts nearly 10 months. (Oh, you thought it was 9? Sorry to disappoint.) During that span of time, it's inevitable that you will experience an event or multiple events that will cause emotional distress. For some, today, it may be the presidential election results. For others, it could be the death of a family member or pet, divorce, illness, financial difficulty, or otherwise. So what can be done to aid in the healing and processing of upsetting times? It's not that you need to "fix" the problem, as many stressful happenings cannot be fixed. Allowing yourself to feel sadness and anger is just as important as finding ways to cope and feel better. On the other side of anger and sadness, it helps to take active measures to restore emotional balance.

Seek support, near and far. Support can come in many forms -- on social media, from neighbors, friends, and family members, and of course, and perhaps most helpful in the long term, professional support from therapy, counseling, and psychiatric professionals.

Find your calming activity. Some people are soothed by meditation (well, actually, most all people can benefit from meditation), others find knitting calming, and still others turn to a good mind-clearing run. Experiment with different activities that make you feel calm (learn more about what "calm" feels like) and when you achieve that feeling, write down a list of go-to activities to turn to when you need them.

Take time to replenish your energy. It's easy to cover stress up with "busyness." Unfortunately, doing so does little to help you move forward. Purposefully take time out for yourself, even if it's something as simple as a warm bath.

Seek advice. Maybe you feel stuck where you are and don't know how or what to do to take the next step. Consult with someone who's been in your shoes, or perhaps an expert who knows more about the situation you're going through. Even finding a good self-help book at your local library or bookstore can help spawn new ideas for handling your emotions and situation.