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Live (harness) free or die!

New Jersey faces some tough issues. And not just being a ubiquitous punch line and those occasionally uncomfortably close-to-accurate Sopranos storylines.

But never fear. The “least corrupt” state in the union (according to a survey whose methodology must have been built on opposite day), has found a solution to all its ills.

And its ills are many. New Jersey residents, aside from being forced to explain that Snooki isn’t a native, have the ignominious distinction of paying the third-worst individual state income tax, the fifth-worst sales tax and the second-worst property tax for the highest combined tax burden in the union. New Jersey also ranks dead last in terms of business tax climate, beating out #48 California and #49 New York. But who cares, if all those high taxes translate into vibrant economic growth and opportunity?

But, provably, they don't. New Jersey’s economic growth lagged the national average over the past five years. Its personal income growth per capita ranks 38th. And its unemployment rate is 1.5% higher than the national average.

New Jersey does rank highly in migration out of the state. Sixth, overall! Yay? As a New Jersey native, I can attest that, for all the jokes, New Jersey is actually a lovely place with huge swaths (still) of pristine forests, beautiful beaches (they are!) and world-class baked ziti. The entire state decidedly is not the stretch of road from the Newark Airport to the Lincoln Tunnel, ok? And we don’t all talk like that. (A lot of us do. But not all.) It’s not to escape the easy 40-minute train commute to Penn Station nor the quaintness of Chatham Borough’s charming downtown that people leave.

Rather, they leave because New Jersey doesn’t have a great reputation of being friendly to employers. Or employees. Or humans, in general.

But animals! Evidently, New Jersey’s politicians care deeply about them. Or, specifically, that they wear seat belts. Assembly bill 3221 would require pet restraints in cars for dogs and cats. Failure to comply would be both a motor vehicle and an animal cruelty offense—and result in a fine up to $1,000.

Now, New Jersey isn’t the only state legislature writing dumb laws. The federal government is a dumb-law machine! And just because a dumb law is written doesn’t mean it gets passed. Pro-growth Governor Christie has already vowed (in typical, colorful fashion) to veto such a bill. But many dumb bills do become law. For example, the federal government is now in the business of limiting lunch-time calories to high school athletes. Which seems like a waste of time when two-thirds of the rules under Dodd-Frank remain unwritten and a source of ongoing uncertainty for our systematically important Financials sector. But never mind.

Hey, I’m an animal lover. And no one wants a Pomeranian projectile in a car crash. (Though, have you ever tried to strap a 110-pound Rhodesian Ridgeback into one of those little safety harnesses designed for one of Paris Hilton’s dogs? Our dog just ate his, then settled down on the back seat to nap.) But is this really what New Jersey’s government should be concerning itself with? (Or, in the words of one level-headed New Jersey dog lover, “Oh, come on.”)

Wouldn’t New Jersey’s overtaxed citizenry be better served if its government figured out how to not be so darned expensive? And make the state more inviting to employers? And leave pet safety to the good sense of pet owners? (Rhetorical questions. And Snooki is from New York. So there.)

This constitutes the views, opinions and commentary of the author as of September 2012 and should not be regarded as personal investment advice. No assurances are made the author will continue to hold these views, which may change at any time without notice. No assurances are made regarding the accuracy of any forecast made. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. Investing in stock markets involves the risk of loss.