Tag Archives: humor

I have been to a nudist park and taken all my clothes off one time and one time only so far. Yesterday was supposed to be visit number two. On a Saturday there were supposed to be more visitors to meet and get to know… and I mean really get to know. But it didn’t happen because of weather and poor health. It rained. And my blood sugar was a long way from perfect. In many ways it was a relief not to go. I was nervous about being with a crowd of naked people. I was nervous about how to act and where to go, and especially, “What are the most embarrassing mistakes that beginning nudists make?”

Because I figure I will probably make them. And will it be extra embarrassing because I am walking around naked? Probably.

But I do think it is not going to be a mere one-time experience that I will never do again. I think I am committed to going back, not just because I am supposed to be writing for a nudist website, but because it benefits me health-wise, both physically and mentally.

To be specific, I have visited the Bluebonnet nudist park near Alvord, Texas. It is a beautiful campground and clubhouse facility. I borrowed pictures from their website to post on this blog and give them a bit of extra advertising.

Here’s the things that benefited me the most. I got to meet some of the most welcoming and accepting people you ever want to meet. They are polite, interesting to talk to, and just as naked and vulnerable as I am. You can’t get much more socially equal than when you are talking to naked people.

The sunshine was also a very good thing for me. The problem I have with psoriasis in old age is that the plaques and sores that result are never quite dry enough to heal when you are wearing clothes in the Texas heat. But in the nude in the midst of nature, I felt cool and dry and hadn’t even a hint of the old itch that made me want to tear my skin off.

They have a beautiful pool there, which I had all to myself during that first visit. The picture with people in it is from their website. It is one of two pools that they have there for weekly water-volleyball.

I didn’t believe it would be so relaxing and fun the first time I went, but I can safely say the feel of it, the sense of accomplishment of it, the feeling of self-acceptance it gives me, was worth all the risk of embarrassment I faced. It was a stupid thing to do. But I am not the only idiot drawn to it. There are actually thousands of nudists in the United States. There are even more in Canada too. I am actually glad I did it. And though I didn’t make it back there on Saturday as originally planned, I do think I will be doing it again.

Davalon and Tanith had learned to cuddle and hold each other in the affectionate way that Earthers like Alden and Gracie Morrell always did. They were doing it now in the nest Sizzahl had given them. Dav could no more imagine being apart from Tanith than he could imagine going back to the old Telleron ways of killing and recycling the protein of tadpoles who proved to be unnecessary during the long space voyages.

“Are we going to survive this adventure, Dav?”

“Yes, I think we stand a very good chance now with the adults here to save us. Especially Mrs. Castille. She is a very formidable warrior.”

“How did our people survive without her?”

“That’s a very good question. I think our people have been going down the wrong path for centuries.”

“No. We were not programmed in the egg to think about things like that.”

“I think that’s a mistake too, Tanith. We need more thinkers in our species. With the protein recycling system we used to have, you and I might not have survived. If we hadn’t undergone such a dramatic change on Earth, our whole mission might have gone extinct by now.”

“I don’t follow, Dav.”

“Think about it. What kind of Telleron people survived most often in our society before we adopted Earther behavior?”

“Self-promoting evil ones like Commander Sleez… and, well… stupid ones like Corebait and Studpopper and Finkerblatt… the ones who were lucky enough to never be put in a position where their life was threatened.”

“Yeah, except Corebait disintegrated himself back on Earth, and Finkerblatt tried to flush a toilet into space instead of the molecular recycle grid and was pulled out into space by his…”

“Yeah, but Studpopper proves that the lucky stupid ones do sometimes stay alive.”

“Okay. You’re right. But it is also the steady and quietly competent ones like Farbick… and maybe Commander Biznap that not only survive, but get critical things done and help others to survive as well as themselves.”

“So, what are you saying, Dav?”

“I think we know what we have to do, and what kind of Telleron people we need to become.”

“We need to be lucky and stupid?”

Davalon smiled as he saw how brightly Tanith was smiling at him.

“We need to be people who think and solve problems. We need to be competent like Farbick. We need to take the lead like Biznap.”

“You think that thinking is our job or something?”

“Exactly. Promise me you will help me learn how to think better and more clearly. You are smart, Tanith. If you and I help each other, we will both get smarter.”

“And maybe we can raise up tadpoles of our own.”

Davalon smiled at her. She was lovely cradled in his arm and close up against his chest.

“Yes. We can make a new world where Tellerons are better than they have ever been.”

“We can evolve into a better people?”

“Yes. And with a little of the lucky that used to be only for stupid Tellerons, maybe we can be a people who live to old age and rebuild a planet.”

“You are giving me good things to dream about,” Tanith said, closing her eyes and falling softly into the realm of good dreams.

This is my latest clown picture, inspired by my newest fascination with Puddles’ Pity Party on YouTube. Like all my clown pictures, I am fairly sure that my number one son will tell me it’s a creepy clown. He has never liked clowns. When he was still small we took him to the pre-show at Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus which at that time was Meet the Clowns. We met the men… and women… and dwarves… in the face paint with the loud personalities and huge red smiles. I was charmed, as always, but number one son spent most of the time behind my pantleg, peering around for sneak peaks at the clowns. He was actually shivering most of the time.

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But me, I love clowns. Always have. Especially the sad clowns. The hobo clowns. Red Skelton playing Freddy the Freeloader, Charlie Chaplin as the Little Tramp, Marcel Marceau, the peerless mime, and Emmett Kelly Jr. as Weary Willie. There is something deeply poetic and resonant about a clown who makes you laugh by his outward actions but manifests deep feelings and an underlying sadness on the inside. It is a metaphor for the whole of life in the human world.

Puddles walked on to the stage of America’s Got Talent and engaged everyone first with his silent-clown mime routine, and then grabbed everyone right by the heart by singing a song about drinking and swinging on the chandelier with such emotion and operatic power that, by the end of the song everyone was standing, everyone loved him. Singing clowns with a sad song help us keep our own little boats afloat on a vast and stormy ocean of life. The song buoys us up and makes it bearable to tread water a little longer. I am at a time and place in my life where I really need that.

I love clowns. Especially sad clowns. Particularly when they sing.

I dare you to watch these videos and not fall in love with Puddles. That’s the point of sad clowns. They make you laugh at the sad and serious things that tear people apart. And by doing that, they put Scotch Tape on the tears and put you back together.

Why did Batman have Robin the Boy Wonder? Not only that, but why Bucky and Captain America? Green Arrow and Speedy? Aquaman and Aqualad? Superman and Krypto the Super Dog? Fredric Wertham, the Seduction of the Innocents and the Comics Code guy, would have you believe that they were there to make young boys turn gay and violent. But that was nonsense, wasn’t it? Better change Krypto for photographer Jimmy Olsen just in case.

But if that was merely nonsense, why was it such a part of the formula?

As a D & D dungeon master, I have my own theory about sidekicks and their function in story-telling.

Young sidekicks were an important part of the stories I told as a game master because the players in my games were mostly adolescent boys themselves. It was the same as the primary readers of Batman comics in the 1950’s of Wertham’s Comics Code. The young hero or adventurer character, most often in the form of a non-player character, was someone they could relate to because of age. They had more in common with the sidekick than the lead hero. It helped to draw them into the story and make it relevant.

As a story-telling device, you often find the young apprentice character in novels written for younger audiences. Think of David Eddings’ Belgariad, or Lloyd Alexander’s Chronicles of Prydain, or Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. The characters of Garion the youngster in the Belgariad, Taran the young protagonist of Prydain, and certainly Jim Hawkins of Treasure Island.

So, with that realization, I incorporated youthful characters, both boys and girls, as apprentices and student-adventurers.

Initially it proved to be a hard thing. Wizards and sorcerers, according to D & D rules, can take an apprentice once they reach level three. But first level characters as apprentices are vulnerable because damage done by third level monsters wipes out the meager hit point reserves of a beginner character. After several traumatic deaths of beloved sidekicks, the player characters begin to take steps to protect them better in combat, or quickly learn where to find priests with resurrection spells who work really cheap.

Of course, these characters are useful for more than just creating combat complications. They are really useful for comic relief. The missteps, mistakes, and total botch-jobs that these inexperienced younger characters create can make us laugh, make us sweat a little to correct it, and move the plot forward in interesting ways that I, as the game master, wouldn’t have otherwise planned.

So, hopefully, Mr. Wertham’s ghost isn’t hovering over my D & D game thinking it is all a plot to create a generation of violent, gay youths. Hopefully he can see that it is all a part of a well-established story-telling literary device that actually helps to educate and deepen the understanding of youths. But it is swiftly becoming irrelevant what Wertham’s ghost thinks anyway. I haven’t played D & D for a while now. My sons and daughter now have their own groups of friends, playing under different dungeon masters with different dice. But hopefully, the need for youthful sidekicks will remain.

And so… There you have it. Three poems about things that recently made sanity a bit harder to define when looking in the old mirror. I am not saying I have gone insane, but I do think I may be on the right road to go over the hill and around a couple curves to find the place where you have to go to find it.

Well, I still can’t believe it, but I went ahead and did it. Did what you ask? Especially did what that makes me put the word idiot in the title you ask, after reflecting for a moment? Well, I did tell you I agreed to write for a naturist website about the first time visiting a nudist park. And, well… as nervous and as fearful and as willing to run and hide somewhere that the idea made me, especially with my splotchy-spotted psoriasis skin, I went.

Yes, the nearby nudist park is called Bluebonnet. It is located between Decatur and Alvord, Texas. I had to call ahead and make an arrangement to be met at the gate and escorted in to the office to sign up for a day visit. I had to call at least a day ahead of time. I debated with myself for hours before I dialed that number. Actually, once I took the step of calling in, it seemed all down hill from there. My feet just sorta took me there, aided by my little car of course. If you have read about my crazy adventures in nudity on this blog, you know that I have been around nudists and naturists before. But I was never the one willing to be naked in the presence of others before, especially not people I didn’t already know as well as I know family members. Stark naked in front of people! And some of them are female!!!

The front gate suggests I am entering a different world!

My knees felt like jelly as I reached the gate. But there was no reason to turn around and go an hour and a half back home without at least trying. So I called and they opened the gate.

The lady office manager was from the Philippines just like my wife. She was easy to talk to and made me feel comfortable as we talked about my visit. We were both wearing clothes at that point, not a hard thing at all to accomplish. So I paid a reasonable price and was given the run down on expected behaviors and rules. This wasn’t some madhouse orgy site or such nonsense as that. It was actually a family-oriented naturist club. They expect you to act like any other camper in any other campground, just acting that way with no clothes on.

Here’s a picture of the two swimming pools by the clubhouse to prove I actually went in. Didn’t think I could actually do it, did you? I didn’t have to worry about the no-pictures of other guests rule because it was 104 degrees Fahrenheit on Friday when I visited. No sensible people were out naked in the sun. In all I only met three other nudists, the office manager and two gentlemen who weren’t much younger than me. Everybody was pleasant and very encouraging. No mention was made of my spotty old carcass, not even by me. That kind of thing apparently never comes up. They did all encourage me to enjoy the club and come back often enough to become a member. I actually found being naked to be quite pleasant. I hiked in the woods where it was shady. I sat by the pool in the shade, and eventually swam. I think I promised you before I would never inflict a picture of my naked spotted old carcass on you. And I will hold myself to that promise now… even if I didn’t make that promise before. I will, however, use a cartoon of brand new nudist Mickey to give you an idea of the nightmares you could be having if I didn’t keep that promise.

So now I can write my naturist blog and tell other nudists all about my first time as a nudist at Bluebonnet Naturist Resort in Texas. And the craziest thing of all is, I am actually beginning to think about going back and doing it again. What is wrong with me?

Dragons in the Dungeons and Dragons role-playing games are the central monsters of the story. In our Eberron campaign they not only rule an entire mysterious continent, but they are credited with the very creation of the world and everything. Not only monsters, but also gods, is a pretty big order for a character to fill.

Skye, the Blue Dragon to the left above is a dragon who believes that human people are the most important part of fulfilling the Dragon Prophecy. Therefore the characters can rely on him as an ally, and sometimes even a patron. He is a blue chromatic dragon with lightning breath, and the Blue Dragon Aureon, his great great grandfather, is an important leader of the god-dragons worshiped as the Sovereign Host.

Phaeros, the great crested red dragon, is a servant of chaos who actively opposes all that is good. He works with orcish dictators and priests of the Dark Six to accomplish vast swaths of damage, destruction, and war.

He is a big bad villain that has to come at the end of a campaign, because dragons are not only powerful fire-breathers with monstrous monster-damage capability, they also know far more magic than even the wisest of wizards. My players have not crossed him yet, but if they start finding the missing dragon eggs, that will happen soon.

You may notice that my dragon pictures are mostly coloring-book pictures repeated with different colors, but in many ways dragons are like that. They all have the cookie-cutter qualities of a dragon, but with different-colored personalities and powers and ideas of good and evil.

Pennie is a copper dragon with divided loyalties and the soul of a clown. She never takes the adventure at hand too seriously. But if she decides to help the player characters find the missing dragon eggs, no ally will prove stronger and more helpful than her. And she knows things that the players need to learn from her to find the missing eggs.

So dragons come in many forms and personalities.

In fact, the search for the missing dragon eggs will be critically affected by the fact that the eggs have all five hatched and dragons instinctively protect themselves when young by using their polymorph self magic to become some other creature. And someone has implanted the idea of using human form as the default even though the wormlings have never actually seen a human being in real life.

This is a double portrait of Calcryx, both as a white dragon wormling and a young girl.

So, playing games with dragons is fun and archetypal story-telling, and I will continue to do it, even if it means getting burned now and again.