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Most pretentious essay I have ever read

This essay is so bad it's almost comical. I find it really obviously pretentious. I didn't write it, don't worry! I personally know the person who wrote it, though. Enjoy!

I've never been a very good writer, per se; I've always lacked the ability to recreate situations through imagery-filled narrative, my words have always lacked the intrigue of poetic prose, and my descriptions drip with a butyraceous disconnectedness (if you don't believe me, reread that last clause). I do, however, have some ability to communicate concepts. I've chosen, therefore, to forgo the elusively difficult pedestrian communication of the fluid among us, indulging and favoring instead the somewhat utilitarian and wholly pedantic language of my inner philosopher wannabe. So, in the spirit of my means, I endeavor to set forth a dense, (due to the word constraints) and subsequently donnish, array of examples and explanations of my values, firstly the moral, secondly the ethicalaxioms followed by their corresponding praxes.

Due to my (neither particularly deep nor particularly shallow) understanding of science and psychology, my understanding of people as both products of genetic histories and the more immediate stimuli of life's journeyboth nature and nurture, and my belief that each action stems from the needs of the actor (in line with the ideas of Rosenberg's theories of non-violent communication), I subscribe to the blatantly and shamelessly humanist concept of the inherent worth and dignity of each person. Due to these foundations, I also reject the concepts of sin, good, and evil, viewing them as either reactionary labels placed on stimuli for the purpose of simple black-and-white categorization, or as escapist strategies of alienation or xenophobia. Because of these beliefs, I communicate my understanding of the world with (what are in my mind) more useful descriptors such as subjectively distasteful and ethically divergent, recognizing the general parallels of fundamental root beliefs, shared throughout--if not across--most cultures, even where there lie discrepancies in the beliefs about how those roots are best manifested into full-grown acts or concepts.

Due to my instinct to attribute reactions to people to specific instances of interaction rather than to the people themselves, I find it hard to dislike people. This obstacleI say obstacle because it significantly impeded, or at least confused, my social development, confusing my interpretation of others' emotionshas led, somehow, through a route of empathy, to an altruism founded upon a lack of distinction between my satisfaction and the satisfaction of others, or even between my situation and the situation of others. I am bound by the sufferings and joys of my community, and I share in the rich experiences of life. Altruism, though, is not, as some claim, selflessness; it is the shared self. Bound by the propinquity of common experience and the potential of fulfillment through common success, those who lean towards altruism are leaning away from egoism, not selfishness.

Due to my belief in the potential of the human mind to distinguish between subtleties and discern the distinctions between the most ambiguous of topics, I find myself in an orientation of principle rather than dogma, thoughtful behavior rather than strict code, the spirit of the law rather than the letter. I am therefore a conscientious objector to war, an advocate against the meat industry, and a regular protestor of acts of willful ignorance. I make my own decisions, sometimes contradicting those of authority, not for the sake of rebelliousness, but in attempt to fulfill my personal ethical imperatives.

As the most influential generation so far, and the most unprepared generation so far, the youth of today face a heavy task, which will require great leaders. It is not the responsibility of the old guard to create or to select those leaders, necessarily, but instead to assure the presence of well-informed, conscientious individuals, who will then take the role of fostering leadership among their peers. I'm already fairly conscientious, and I like to think I may even be becoming more so. Now all I need is to replace my factual ignorance with some semblance of information. I hope to help to lay the foundation for the success of my generation and all those to follow.

Replies to: Most pretentious essay I have ever read

Did this guy use the thesaurus? This essay is downright horrible and elitist. No substance, no personality whatsoever. If he wanted to do philosophical mumbo-jumbo, he could have tried to tie theoretical concepts to his everyday decisions or something.

I don't think he realizes that the people who work in the college admissions arena a) have probably seen dross like this before b) will be unimpressed with his obvious arrogance and inflated ego c) will reject him because, hey, if you're so darn smart, you OBVIOUSLY don't need us to teach you anything ;)

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