This is Paranoid?

Hello fellow ADISCers,

So I had little bit curious to my self about why I'm I and what disorder is it. Seems like there's something wrong that happened to me, so my self sometimes feels negative and weird at the eyes of people.

My childhood was unhappy, I rarely feel joy when I was child, there are lot of problems at my past. At my school I never had a close friend for I can talk to, I just know my classmates but didn't close with them all, I was bullied when I was in elementary school, in my family as well, both relationship of my parents are also not good until now, even they intend to get divorced, so I think that's all was affects me today, I find that my self is:
I always afraid when communicate to others.
my friends said that I was quiet and rarely talk, but honestly that I didn't intend to do not want to talk, but sometimes I feel afraid to start a conversation with others, such as there is a sense of repulsion of afraid when to start a conversation with others.

Sometimes hard to hear people opinion about mine.
When I finish some work or doing some works, I find that's hard to hear people opinion about what I've done, for examples: when I using computer or mobile phone, I'm afraid if someone seeing what I'm doing, I always hide my mobile if someone see me when I using mobile phone.

I always feel distressed when hearing people say that I'm wrong.
If I doing something that was wrong it's difficult to accept that, seems like I was judged and stress. I always sad and feels guilty if I doing wrong things, I think too much about my wrong things and say to my self "why I'm doing this!".

Afraid with eye contacts
I always keep away my eyes contact from seeing faces of other person when talking, not because I scared with others, but I just seems like afraid, scared, or whatever when see other person face or eyes when talking.

This the problems about my self and I always find that,
So do you people think that I was paranoid or what? I wanted to see professionals next time, but I want to hear your opinion first about what kind of my self is.

I think paranoid might be an apt word, but its not the one I would use.

when someone has been teased, especially if this person has not had a few close friends throughout their life, they become distrustful of other peoples attention towards them. typically this is a left over reflex from when they were bullied over their lifetime, as well as not understanding what they are being bullied for.

this is my wild stab in the dark, but do you feel that you understand why people have made fun of you in the past? do you feel that if someone was to see what you were doing on your mobile phone, they would tease you or confront you about it?

Its reasonable to be more hyper-aware of situations that your mind has labled as traumatic or dangerous, its a survival mechanism.

fortunately, at this point in your life, these possible pseudo-traumatic or dangerous situations are most likely not as bad as your mind is telling you.

I dont have any direct advice for you,=( but hopefully another poster will be able to be more helpful

although in my own life I desensitized myself to a good portion of my past fears or worries.

was there a specific event that triggered this post? or events throughout a lifetime?

There's nothing wrong with you.

There's nothing wrong with you AEther, you're just shy. It's hard to make friends when you're shy. You also sound like you're very sensitive. It's hard for sensitive people to take criticism.

You sound like you're a nice persons and an optimistic person. That's good.

Lots of people are shy, me included. Some people grow out of it, some don't. (I'm still working on it and I'm 65). Try this: If you think that you're shy, tell someone you trust that you're shy. Sometimes shyness comes off as being aloof or asocial.

When I was a kid, an older kid in the neighborhood used to beat me up all the time. My dad said 'knee him in the stomach as hard as you can and he'll leave you alone. It worked! There was a video around recently of a kid picking up a bully and throwing him on the ground like a rag doll https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B20uNgcmxok. Bully's don't win, they're losers.

When I was in my 20's I went to see a psychologist because I was unhappy with my lack of social connections. I never went out. After a few sessions, the psychologist just said 'there's nothing clinically wrong with you, just get out there and enjoy life.' Shyness is not a disorder. But go to a professionals if you are always unhappy. It may be something more dangerous, like depression.

So, no, you're not being paranoid thinking these things. But it's good to be introspective because if you don't know that something is wrong, you can't fix it.

P.S. I'm sorry to hear that your parents might get a divorce. Being 20 years old makes it easier to understand and accept, but it's still hard. I was in college but my 'kid' sister, who was 14 at the time, lives with the trauma and pain of it to this day. I wish you the best.

Garrison Keillor admitted on CBS Sunday Morning that he has trouble looking people in the eyes and realized that he's probably on the Autistic spectrum. All that you've described sounds like it could fit into that spectrum. Have you been tested for it? I worked as an assistant to special education at a public school and worked with a number of students who had Asperger syndrome. Most of them were very intelligent and I loved working with them as they were really wonderful kids. There was one student that I was very fond of. He used to kid me because my real last name is the same as a Civil War general and he would say my relative killed his!

As others have said, you may just be shy, etc. You know yourself better than any of us.

@MommyandMatling: Thank you there for your respond, well think there's not events that triggered this problems, I always find this throughout a life time, perhaps I just shy to see people.

@Tickles51: Thank you for you wishful respond tickles! You're right, I think myself was shy of course because I rarely playing outside home when I was child, I just spend my lot time in reading too much books I thought. Sure, bullyers person is not good at the time, but I always pray and hopefully they all would be a good person someday not just for me but for others too , because I know everyone is still kind, I will enjoy my life as far as I can, thank you!

@Angelic: Sometimes my classmates laugh at me if they find me was weird, I think that was part of bullying, but I don't care about that.

@Calico: Maybe anxiety, but if I was comfort with someone like my brother, sister or cousins, is easy to talk normally with them.

@dogboy: Thank you! Yes, there's one person said that I was Autistic, but don't think much about that, maybe I just shy and of course I will try to be myself and to be more social with others . I spend my time lot in reading books and playing puzzle I thought lol , so I rarely meet other people.

Although my both parents wanted to get divorced, but I still love them and I always pray and hope for someday they would get close and have a good relationship again, perhaps I can't do anything for them, but I just love them as my parents. I was older child in my family, I have little brother and sister who's still need parents for their life of course me too. If I can, I will do anything effort for repair and keep my family as far as I can, because my family was fortress of myself, my brother and sister, to protect us from broken life in the future, because of that I tried to be myself for not shy and scared of people.

I was older child in my family, I have little brother and sister who's still need parents for their life of course me too.

AEther, I am also the oldest child in my family. Being the oldest child is hard because your parents put high expectations on you. So, if your parents do get divorced, keep close to your little brother and sister so they won't get hurt. My regret was that I was in college at the time and my little sister was all alone. I still cry about it.