At meetings of "Dating a Banker Anonymous," frustrated finance paramours can discuss recession era troubles — like canceled vacations and slashed Bergdorf budgets —"free from the scrutiny of feminists." Ha! Not anymore!

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Take Dawn Spinner Davis. The 26-year-old "beauty writer" — who, incidentally, has stolen my life's dream of confessing marital dissatisfaction to The New York Times while drinking hard liquor — says the bad economy has stressed her husband and strained their marriage: "One of [my husband's] best friends told me that my job is now to keep him calm and keep him from dying at the age of 35," she moans. "It isn't what I signed up for."

Le sigh. But Dawn and her friends aren't just complaining about high stress or tight finances. That would be petty. No. These poor, put-upon ladies have a deeper problem. You see, with the market in a tizzy, Lionel, or Richard, or Heathcliffe or whatever his name is, can't do the one thing a guy without money is good for: lay them right.

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One frequent topic among the group is the link between the boardroom and the bedroom. "There's actually the type of person who has a bad day on the trading floor and they want to have sex more," Ms. Spinner Davis offered as she sipped a vodka gimlet (!), declining to say how she knew.

Not everyone is so lucky as braggy Ms. Davis. 27-year-old Megan Petrus implies, through pulls on her cocktail, that sex with her finance guy has been relegated to the weekends. This is sad and wrong and shameful for Ms. Petrus on many levels, but mostly because the weekends are when colleges kids and working class people have sex.

The article also quotes Raoul Felder, a Manhattan divorce lawyer, who says that he sees higher divorce rates in times of financial turmoil because "there aren't funds or time for mistresses any more." (One mistress writes on the daba blog that "when she pouted about not having been taken on a trip lately, her married man explained that, with money so tight, his wife had taken to checking up on his accounts.")

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Limp husbands who can't afford Per Se? Mistresses who have to endure movie nights and staycations? Wives forced to sort through their husband's big, heavy numbers?!

It's almost like Almighty God is smiting the worst people in the goddamned universe.