As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it!

Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you’re losing it or not. Resist the temptation to read the answers in the box at the side.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

Take the OAP test – Answers below - no peeking!

Q1. What do you put in a toaster?

Q2. Say the word ‘silk’ five times. Now spell out ‘silk’. What do cows drink?

Q3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Q4. It’s 20 years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (if you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany).

Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.

Unfortunately, the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of ‘no man’s land’ – between East Germany and West Germany.

Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man’s land’?

Q5. Answer this question without using a calculator. You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.

In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.

In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.

In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on.

You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

The answers

Q1. You should have answered ‘bread’. If you said ‘toast’, you might as well give up now and do something else.

Q2: Cows drink water. If you said ‘milk’, your brain is clearly over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as the Yellow Pages.

Q3: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said ‘green bricks’, how the hell are you still reading this?

Q4. You don’t bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you really must stop.