Headed Down a Dark USDA/FDA Alley -- Which experts do you take with you?

If such an occasion arose in which you found yourself headed into a dark alley surrounded by all manner of experts from the USDA, FDA, ADA, AMA, and various other corrupt, inept acronyms, which five experts would you take with you to defend your position and lay waste to the abundance of bovine feces that is likely to spew from the mouthes of the government's dietary imbeciles?

Personally, I'm taking:
-Robb Wolf. The dude is bright and funny as hell. Even if he's not the smartest guy in the alley, he'll certainly have the quickest wit.
-Chris Masterjohn. I think his writings are excellent. There will no doubt be a need for a pro-Cholesterol Captain amongst our strike team.
-Stephan Guyenet. No dogma, loves studying the brain, and doesn't jump to conclusions. Rationality and conservative science is important.
-Anthony Colpo. Love him or hate him, the guy has minimal tolerance for crap science and nonsensical claims. I'm 100% on board for his debunking of low-carb myths, although I think he could do so in a more cordial manner. Ah well, who cares.
-Denise Minger. Holy aptitude for analyzation and detail, Batman. Denise needs to come just in case any angry vegetarians arrive with weaponized China Study launchers. (Plus, she's cute.)

Honorable mentions:
-Mat Lalonde. Abso-freaking-lutely brilliant. And push comes to shove, if somebody throws a punch, I feel like Lalonde could hold his own in a fist fight.
-Kurt Harris. Biting wit, dry humor, and a no B.S. approach to nutrition -- what's not to like?

I really should have considered bringing more female specific combatants. I mean, I'm not gender discriminant (I love Ms. Minger), but I guess my male brain didn't consider bringing representatives for female only issues. Good call!

If we're gonna bring Kresser, I want to give him some vocal coaching beforehand...or load him up with caffeine. The guy has a ton of great insights, but his delivery leaves something to be desired. (At least, that's my feeling based on his podcast.)

It would have to be Melissa Mcewen, Denise Minger, and Nell Stephenson because having 3 small, smart, and cute girls around I suppose is about the only way one could get me to stay in a dark alley with proselytizing experts for anything longer than a couple minutes.

If we're gonna bring Kresser, I want to give him some vocal coaching beforehand...or load him up with caffeine. The guy has a ton of great insights, but his delivery leaves something to be desired. (At least, that's my feeling based on his podcast.)

I wouldn't want anyone with a vested interest selling books or supplements. Taubes, Wolf, Nora, etc. Too much commercial intent. With Taubes now writing for Reader's Digest he might switch sides for a buck. Dr. Oz would be just as valuable in a scrap.

Guyenet, Minger and Kock. Solid, honest and not a glimmer of paleo hucksterism.

I really should have considered bringing more female specific combatants. I mean, I'm not gender discriminant (I love Ms. Minger), but I guess my male brain didn't consider bringing representatives for female only issues. Good call!

Having given this some more thought, I still agree with Potato Avenger on the top picks, but if we could have a backup team, I'd choose:

Jeff Volek, Steve Phinney, Richard Feinman, and/or Eric Westman. I know low-carb is like poison around here lately, but let's please not discount the thousands of people who thrive on LC (me included) -- and how much amazing research on human metabolism has come out of the LC world.

Julia Ross -- she could give the pharmaceutical companies a run for their money when it comes to mental health.

Natasha Campbell McBride - few people have her expertise when it comes to what the modern diet has done to our kids. (And everyone else, for that matter, but her stuff on autism and the gut is just brilliant.)

William Davis -- a cardiologist who knows the real deal about heart disease and diet? Yes, please.

Uffe Ravnskov. Definitely. (But we have to work on his accent...he can be hard to understand.) ;-)

It would have to be Melissa Mcewen, Denise Minger, and Nell Stephenson because having 3 small, smart, and cute girls around I suppose is the only way one could get me to stay in a dark alley with proselytizing experts for anything longer than a couple minutes.

Well, it would have to be Melissa Mcewen, Denise Minger, and Nell Stephenson because having 3 small, smart, and cute girls around would be the only way one could get me to stay in dark alley with proselytizing experts for anything longer than a couple minutes.