Most Proctologists Are Probably Aliens

I mean, why would aliens continue to perform anal probes on abductees?

Answer: to test our resolve and endurance to pain. That's important information for possible future invasions.

Another reason is to test our propensity to fight. In the case of needing potential allies when under threat by galactic enemies, these anal probing aliens need to know if we have the fighting spirit... and what better way to discover this than perform painful procedures on parts of our anatomy.

And what way to better hide the experiment, other than to hide in plain sight. Enter the alien proctologist dressed in human clothing.... particularly the one who's light on the Vaseline and lubricated rubber gloves. See! They've been here hiding among us all the time... and we've been blindly subjecting ourselves to objectionable alien shit all this time. Seriously! Like who would volunteer for such an invasive procedure unless a so-called health professional recommended it?

Well I can tell you something right now, they've picked on the wrong bloke if they think they can engage in such activities with me. For a start, I don't have medical insurance and I can't pay. That'll fech 'em up! No money coming in they'll go broke, and with more and more people finding they can't afford medical insurance, hopefully these anal probing quacks 'll go out of business and the human race can once again live in peace, knowing that the aliens don't have up-to-date information and could err in mounting an invasion on incomplete evidence.

So there you have it, folks, super-gluing a 10c coin between your knees mightn't be such a bad idea after all.

Some may be Astronauts, sending deep probes to Uranus......Just sayin'.

Maybe Asstronauts...lol.

See, that supports my theory. I mean, aliens who come here are after all astronauts.... and when they infiltrate NASA to carry on with their dastardly intent, they become asstronauts to continue probing Uranus and others.

To be honest, I've always been suspicious of medicos whose specialty is Uranus and moon craters. Like why the fascination with back doors? I like sitting on the back porch and watching the night sky as much as anyone, but I much prefer arriving via the front entry to get a proper welcome greeting. You just don't get that with back door entries: just a 'this might hurt a bit'.

Now I know why so many hillbillies like chewin' tobaccy.... fer somethin' on which t' bite down hard.

That 'd be the alien proctologists, interfering with the natural harmony of things to cause insecurity, disbelief in self and a general feeling of being assimilated into another culture, being than less is than human. Yup, the off-world bastards have gotten in everywhere, including our beloved Stardock, and we'll all become sub-serviant to a race of beings who seek to change our way of life to suit themselves.

I mean, seriously, when was the last time you fully understood a doctor who wanted you to undergo tests? Yeah, they sound like Indian or Pakistani doctors, and maybe some are, but quite often the accents or dialects are slightly off and these are the ones to watch out for.... especially if you go there for a flu shot, and all of a sudden you're off to the proctologist for a scan of Uranus.

And to think, politicians all over have known about these alien proctologists for years and never told the truth of their presence here on Earth. After all, politicians are the biggest assholes on the planet, and they probably have as such due to be probed themselves. No wonder they're not telling the truth. I mean, you would admit to falling for the old alien proctologist "you need a colonoscopy" trick? I sure as hell wouldn't. I haven't, but I wouldn't tell you even if I had....

.... and now you know where the "If I tell you, I'll have to kill you." originated.... with the victims of alien proctologists.

If your hypotheses is accurate then the entire Star Trek franchise was founded by these creatures?

Why else would a Star Ship circle Uranus looking for Klingons?

Why indeed! In fact, the Klingons probably encountered these devious alien proctologists first.... or is that the other way around? Either way, it's not a job I'd like to have. I mean, don't Klingons have a bit of a reputation for being a bit smelly? Nah, don't think I'd like to meet up with any Klingons.

I think the Klingons are suffering from an identity crisis. What with all the proctological stuff goin' on and the probes of Uranus and the fact that they could be hiding behind Uranus, could be the cause of the smellies, its no wonder they have three distinct personas. From TOS, ST/TNG and ST:D

Yeah, I think they've been hanging around Uranus for so long that they've morphed from the original race into something completely different. The thing that hasn't changed is that they still Klingon.... sometimes for dear life.

Just imagine it, all the Klingons floating around if the gravitational pull relaxed some and they didn't Klingon for dear life. And the navigational hazards! I know that I wouldn't like to come face to face with a bunch of Klingons just floating around. It could get quite messy, and I'm not covered by insurance.