A life lived in the feminine. Hear my tales.

A Mom’s Christmas List: What we really want

I know it’s the thought that counts, but sometimes people’s thoughts suck.

If it says, “As Seen on TV” on the box, I can tell you right now it’s a shitty gift unless the person is 80.

If it’s a sequined sweater or involves rhinestone patches and puffy paint, I don’t care if poor kids in Taiwan made it or my own kid concocted it.

Don’t wrap it!

Here is a list for what kids should give to their mothers…and a “gift list” for those of you other halves buying for a mom–or at least, a mom like me

From the Kids:

Our Empty Threats

We would like you to listen to our empty threats about Santa. When we shake our finger, point at a creepy Elf on a shelf, (not doing it myself) or tell you how you’ll end up on the naughty list, damnit, believe us and do what we ask.

It’s also you know cool, if you don’t tell all of your mom’s friends that they’re on the naughty list. And if you don’t scream how you want Daddy when Daddy is at work, and by the way, did I mention I went into serious labor and pain to bring you into the world?