Thank you.Thank you for all you’ve done for me. I’ve been obsessed with growing my followers, because you know without a big fat following I’m no one right?

I’ve been worrying about the numbers again and I’m sorry. Really sorry. See I know I’m more than my number of followers or my engagement level, but I seem to forget this a heck of a lot.

Constantly I hear to be a successful blogger I need a large following and so I started to worry. Worry that I just wasn’t good enough. That my photos are crap, my content sucks and that I’m just not good enough because if I were then surely I’d have a larger following? These are the insecure thoughts I have when my following doesn’t grow or worse declines.

Instagram, I have sinned. I’ve blamed you for my insecurities. I’ve cursed people playing the follow/unfollow game when I haven’t been so innocent myself.

See I’ve followed people thinking “Hey girl, we are in the same location and everything or we are both *insert similarity here* so surely we’ll wanna support each other (to make this clear, I’ve not said this out right, just how my crazy mind works).

Then I’ve got so pissed off when they’ve not followed me back that after weeks on me engaging with them, I’ve unfollowed them. Purely because I’ve decided that they thought they were better than me.

You know because why wouldn’t they wanna support a fellow blogger in the same location or field other than they don’t like me?

Well, there are many valid reasons, but my mind has chosen to see it as rejection. That I’m simply not good enough and Instagram I’ve blamed you for that.

Instagram, I’m sorry I keep blaming you for my low self-esteem. See I decided to have a large following meant I’d proved myself, that I am worthy and oh I’ve made it.

I asked you to validate me with a large following and when you didn’t come through I blamed the Instagram algorithm, people buying followers, the dodgy bot accounts and those playing the follower/unfollow game.

Not once did I blame me. Not once did I take responsibility. No Instagram, it was all your fault my followers weren’t as large as I needed them to be to feel worthy.

I’m sorry, what an entitled brat I’ve been. I hope you can forgive me.

You’re teaching me that I’m more than the numbers, but I’ve been too stupid to listen. You’ve been trying to teach me that some will see my worth and some won’t, but I can choose my worth any time.

I can set the bar and raise my standards. That standard being, I’m at ease about the numbers because I am worthy. I am enough.

I can tell the brands that don’t see my worth because my following isn’t high enough, that I understand. I don’t need to take it personally. I don’t need a brand to validate me. I can do that all by myself.

You’ve challenged me Instagram, to grow a thicker skin, but instead, I didn’t see that. I felt sorry for myself. I had a pity party about not hitting that 1k milestone or even getting close.

You’ve simply given me opportunity after opportunity to raise up and laugh at the hideous game of chasing the numbers.

I’ve chased numbers, even though I know it’s never made me feel good.

Instagram, you’ve given me an opportunity to not judge. Only I choose judgment.

I choose to judge those who I deemed as cheating their way to a large following. I allowed myself to get angry at the game. I allow myself to believe they don’t deserve it and feel it was unfair.

Instead of seeing these people as simply being proactive I cursed them. I may not have any desire to do what they do, it doesn’t sit right with me. It feels fake and cheating, but to judge them is toxic.

We aren’t that different, we both desire a large following. We both seek validation. Only they do something about it, whilst I hope. I may ‘like’ or comment on someone else’s post whilst secretly hoping they or someone else will see it and pop over to my account and fingers crossed they’ll follow me.

I’ll tell myself that’s OK because I ain’t playing the unfollow game, using bots or buying followers. I’ll tell myself that I’m doing it morally and they aren’t.

Instagram, thank you. See I understand now. We are all, in fact, playing the same game but different tactics. We are all playing the ego’s game. We all want to look good. Desiring a vanity number of following or if you’re like me, just a number that doesn’t feel embarrassing for a blogger.

Instagram I’m ready to just love you. Love you as a place to document my journey, share memories, have a voice, discover new people, be creative and most importantly as a constant reminder to myself, that I am good enough. We are all good enough.

Every time I feel rejection, low self-esteem or that I’m not good enough is an opportunity to choose again.

Kirsty I battled for months with not growing a decent following, it really started affecting my confidence and I felt so silly for letting something as trivial as a social platform site ruin my confidence. Eventually I decided that I wouldn’t care about the numbers and instead engage with those who did come back to my photos again and again and I put more effort in to the photos I produced which meant I didn’t post every day like I thought I had to do. I hope you find your happy medium with Instagram, it’s so frustrating at times but what a wonderful place to meet like-minded folks 🙂

You’re not alone here Kirsty! I used to be in your shoes as well and kept getting angry because of the algorithms, the brands that keep asking for numbers, as if my worth and content has a number stuck somewhere, etc etc
So i just gave up. Gave up trying to please others and use Instagram as my creative outlet. And i admit i am more stress free right now and more happy than i was before ^_^

Ugh, Insta is just the worst these days isn’t it. I try to only follow people now if I either like THEM or their content. If I don’t know you and your content isn’t my kind of thing, I’m not a good follower for you as I won’t engage with what you post 🙂

I’m Kirsty Dee a wellness advocate. I'm not the super clean eating type, more the you should love yourself type. Kinda like junk food, forever wishing avocado didn't make me sad. So if your looking for real honest wellness with a bit of a woo-woo spiritual vibe to it then I've gotcha. I'll be pushing you to rise because that's what I do. Welcome to my corner of the internet 🧡

MY STORY

I started this blog as a place to share my wellness journey and it grew to become a place where I could help women learn to love themselves and Choose To Rise.My passion comes because I didn’t love myself, in fact, I didn’t like myself. I was CONTINUE READING…

#ChooseToRiseBox

3 months agoLet’s give this self care thing a try for #adventchallenge . I am combining days 6 and 7 of the @theselflovesummit@iammelwells self love advent challenge by indulging in a nice warm bath as quality time for me - this is something I rarely do but now I’m wondering why not! I love long hot showers but I forgot how relaxing a bath feels and is just the thing to wind down with after a hectic week of plans and prep, school nativities and Christmas parties and it’s only the beginning of December . I feel like I have this limiting

3 months agoProud to say that the Autumn/Winter Choose To Rise box is now out. I took on board all your feedback from the last one. This one is cruelty-free and now fully vegan too, it's more affordable and includes a few beverages and chocolate, because apparently we need chocolate I hope you love it as much as I do. It also comes with a mystery item, not photoed because I don't want to ruin the suprise and you'll also be able to enjoy the brand new audio series which I'm so frigging proud of. Thank you all for supporting me to

6 months agoThe cutest candle award goes to the @lymebay travel size candle found in your Choose To Rise Box. Made from 100% soy wax and beautiful natural ingredients like the sweetness of cider apples and the juice of wild berries. These candles are hand poured on the Jurassic coast of England and have a wooden wick for all your hygge feels. Best of all it smells delicious with such a happy, uplifting, fresh scent having a mid note of bergamot.There is something very therapeutic about lighting a candle and setting your ambience. Very proud to have this gem in the box,

3 months agoGotta get that shot There is so much that goes into bringing these boxes to light from sourcing the right products, finding brands who's ethics I like to creating audios and doing photoshoots. There is quite some work involved going from idea to execution and once upon a time I'd of doubted my abilities to pull it off. Now we are heading closer to 2019 and I have so many ideas to grow the Choose To Rise concept further and it brings me all the vibes. For anyone that chooses to rise with me and goes after what they want

6 months agoLooking after my skin with natural skincare is a big passion of mine. Nothing says self-care like taking the time to look after yourself inside and out. Natural skincare means I know what's going into my body, I know what my skin is absorbing and I'm a true believer that nothing beats the power of plants. Today's routine includes using my Northern Soap from @naturasiberica_uk it's something I use for deep cleanse once a week and after the festival last weekend it was desperately needed and overdue. Now my skin feels fresh again and because I can't keep all the

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