I'm not exactly broke but I'm feeling seriously cheap this week and don't want to go to Big Y for a big "grocery shop" just yet. Also, I just became a Big Y card holder and got my first gold coin so I'm trying to bask in the fact that I could probably, in the near future, get a free head of lettuce. Anyways, here's what I can eat for the week.

1.

Stale Pretzels

I've had this bag of pretzels since August 29. I munch on them from time to time. Dip them in peanut butter, you know, pretzel things. I have this theory that Pretzels are like fine wines and cheeses: they get better with age. No one seems to agree with me but I'll tell you one thing: a stale, chewy pretzel is a drunk girl's best friend.

2.

Mushy Old Apples

Whenever I go home for the weekend, my parents always buy me a huge bag of Macintosh apples from a local orchard. I went home one weekend and got a bag of 12. Then I saw my mom the next weekend and she gave me another 9. I know it's fall and apples are great pumpkin spice foliage blah blah blah but I literally can't eat that many before they go bad. I now have about 4 left and they've become mushy and brown like apple pie apples but in, like, the rotting sense.

3.

A Can of Beans

Having a can of beans being one of your only more enticing snack options is terrifying. I have one can of Bush's black beans. These would be good in a burrito if I had any of the other fixings to make a burrito. Except I do not. I'm nostalgic for that one weekend I ate 3 avocados in one day. I'm not desperate yet but I'm scared for the point when I get hungry enough to eat the beans straight out of the can, cold, with a spoon.

4.

Spring Mix

Lettuce is really healthy or something and the darker the greens are, the better they are for you which is why I buy the SPRING MIX. It's really leafy and tasteless. Except making a salad when you only have lettuce is sad. But wait, would a can of black beans add anything to this salad? Consulting my Rachel Ray cookbook as we speak...

5.

Brown Rice

As a person who bounces back and forth from the "I eat healthy" mentality to the "I eat what I want", I decided to buy brown rice and then I also decided to buy white rice. The one time I made brown rice I tried to microwave it in a glass bowl that completely cracked into thirds. So from then on, I decided it was a sign from the Health Food Gods to just eat the fuckin' white rice. But I still have so much brown rice so I should just suck it up and eat it.

6.

Poptarts

No wait! Just kidding, my roommate has poptarts. And other great snacks. I'm just stuck with my apples and black beans. Not that I'm bitter!

7.

The Bottom of the Tortilla Chip Bag

These chip bits are so small that if you tried to dip in salsa you would lose them on impact and get your fingers all salsa-y. I don't even know why I'm talking about salsa! It's not like I have any. My 3 other roommates do. But not me. I could use a spoon and shovel the chip bits into my mouth, though.

8.

2 End Pieces of Bread

Most people consider themselves above eating the ends of bread. Quote from random suburban mother: "I'd rather my children starve than eat the end pieces of bread". But like, it's all I have left. And I've been saving it all this week to cook something crazy! Like a black bean, chip bit, spring mix sandwich. Stay tuned.

9.

Nutella + Dipping Sticks

Nope! This is one of my roommates snacks. I'm spooning cold beans into my mouth as I type.

10.

Oatmeal

Oh hey! Oatmeal's great. Have you seen all those cute Pinterest recipes with the 2 ingredient oatmeal pancakes or the 2 ingredient oatmeal cookies?! Those are awesome. Too bad I only have the oatmeal component of those recipes. I guess I could heat it up with some water eat the tasteless mush and call it "dinner". The beans sound more inviting.