Cuthbert J. Twillie:
By the way, my ski shoes and hockey mask will be up on the next train along with the polo pony. I understand the countryside abounds here with wild game: flamingoes... wine wombats... Indian civets.

Cuthbert J. Twillie:
I'm tending bar one time down in the lower East side in New York... a tough felona comes in there by the name of Chicago Molly. I cautioned her, "None of your peccadilloes in here." There was some hot lunch on the bar comprising of succotash, Philadelphia cream cheese and asparagus with mayonnaise. She dips her mitt down into this melange - I'm yawning at the time - and she hits me right in the mug with it. I jumps over the bar and I knocks her down.

Cuthbert J. Twillie:
[Loudly protesting his being forcibly thrown out of Jeff's bar for cheating at cards]
Unhand me! I'm an American citizen! Unhand me! I'm a taxpayer! I shall write the 'Times' about this. Call me a barrister! Unhand me! Unhand me, you uncouth larrikins! This is sabotage! A crime against liberty!