jennyandtammy.comhttp://jennyandtammy.com
twin sisters. living abundantly. loving extravagantly. leading boldly. leaning deeply on Jesus.Wed, 31 Aug 2016 22:38:54 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.2When You Just Can’t – Even – Grace! Jenny Pricehttp://jennyandtammy.com/2016/08/when-you-just-cant-even-grace-jenny-price/
http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/08/when-you-just-cant-even-grace-jenny-price/#respondWed, 31 Aug 2016 22:38:54 +0000http://jennyandtammy.com/?p=395Life is fuzzy. Blurred in lines of love and grief and joy and fear and hope, surrounded with clouds sometimes. Clouds that flow with ease and grace over all of life’s circumstances. Not bothered by what’s beneath them.

Relationships swirl around us – within us – above us- below us – and we can’t manage them. We aren’t managers – but BE(ers).

We will: Be held. And hurt. Be loved. And left. Sometimes.

Marriage. That final. All encompassing relationship. The ONE WE ALL MUST FIND or happiness will not be. It’s a blender of our present and our not yet future. A blast of our pasts splattered on the walls of our hearts and our home. It soars or it sours. Depends on the day.

And by the way – it’s not the end all and the be all relationship. We must find that in The One and The Only.

Parenthood. The deepest joys and the darkest griefs and the loneliest fears – that you’d never tell your poor children – or they’d run – they’d run so fast – because they’d know you were not fit to parent. And yet, that is what makes you perfectly matched to be theirs. That you don’t know. That you won’t be.

Perfect.

Perfect isn’t the goal. Grace is.

Grace in life.

Grace in all our relationships.

Grace in our internal thoughts – those we can’t share out loud – not even between our own two ears – but Someone Already Knows – and there is still. Steady Grace.

Grace in our marriages. Give it. Receive it. Hope for it. Believe on another for it. It’s not yours to muster. And it’s an all access gift. Yours to give. Even when it’s not deserved.

Grace in our parenting. Dropping the facade of expectations. And embracing instead the belief that your best version of you today is giving the best love it ever has.

Grace when we fall. Grace when they fall. It’s all grace or it’s no grace at all.

It’s like how much your dog loves you. It’s ridiculous, right?

We leave each and every day of the school year. All of us. Leave her alone in an empty house. And one by one. We enter. And the greeting we get is “I’ve missed you sooooooo much! I’ve loved you from the beginning of all of creation and I will keep loving you beyond the ends of the earth! And I will lick your face off too – to prove that love” – over and over. One by one. Each of us. Loved.

Even though. Every single day. We leave her behind.

You can read this piece and just make us – ME – out to be a bad dog- owner. You’d be fairly right there. I’m better with humans but JoJo is pretty content. Or, you can go love and be loved like she loves us.

We don’t deserve it. Not a single one of us attends to her as we could. And yet, there she is – waiting to adore us.

It’s how HE LOVES too. It’s so beyond our capacity – on our best best best days added up and multiplied by millions – our “fathoming of his love” – it’s a grain of sand – not even – compared to every particle of Creation that He made.

When faith is your bucket and grace is your fountain, your vision of life will be less fuzzy. Circumstances will still astound you.

7. Getting help from outside sources to support the health of your marriage is wise.

8. Seeing one another through God’s heart and loving each other in that powerful place – will always work.

9. Don’t tell each other how to drive, or cook, or how to make the bed or raise the kids – rather, come alongside and do it together, how you do it, and how the other does it, and find agreement there.

10. Marriage maximizes the influence of our lives – as does raising kids – know that your marriage is a powerful ministry to those you don’t even know are watching.

11. Prioritize time for JUST THE TWO of us. Find date nights that tick for both of you and GO ON DATES often. YES, you can find a sitter. If you care enough to fall in love more.

12. Protect one another in action, in speech, and in attitude – especially in how you speak about your spouse to others.

13. Show others, especially your kids, what a partnership looks like.

14. When you find passions you can share, use them as tools to reach more people with His Love.

15. Enjoy the strong leadership of your husband (or equip it to grow) and support his decisions in loving and serving the family.

16. Use your home for hospitality. Serve by hosting events, small groups, spontaneous dinners, expecting nothing in return.

17. When one of you is freaking out (usually Me) ask this simple question – what can I do to help you right now?

18. When submitting to or when dying to self and loving one another, do it as UNTO Jesus, with a happy heart, and with joyful motives.

19. There will be for better moments and there will be FOR WORSE moments – these are the deeper test of your love. Assure one another in these times – I AM WITH YOU. Walk together in the storms.

20. Know and find a balance between honesty and sensitivity and communicate with this balance.

21. Ask your spouse discovery questions like: What is one thing you would like me to do more of? Less of? What is one way I can bless you today?

22. Go on vacation – just the two of you – twice a year, even if only for a long weekend. It will revive the marriage.

23. Look to other stronger, godly couples for mentorship.

24. Remember, your marriage is THE ONLY one that your kids will model the most from. Model as well as you can each and every day.

The stories other families tell me about their RAD kids far exceed what our home has battled.

Strangling the dad in the home after harming all the siblings in secret (age 16).

Stabbing other children with pencils and threatening to kill both parents (age 6).

Making sure to break siblings’ favorite toys, sabotaging family trips, running away every night at 7pm, having to be held in assists by a brother, who otherwise would get the sh*! beat out of him (age 11).

In treatment for over four years, may never return home, feels way safer in controlled environments, even though parents are safe, they aren’t safe to him (age 13).

Arrested four times in five months, threatening to self harm even to the point of wanting to end her life – daily conversations about it (age 14).

Bash mom’s head in with a blunt object, from behind, because she’s the enemy after all (age 12).

Our story pales in comparison – and it’s our story. It’s his story. It’s our shared brokenness – carrying the weight of childhood pain and neglect – when the child can’t face what he’d rather bury – those secrets crack the foundation of who that child is, and in so doing, they break the families that most want to carry them home.

So, in the child’s cracked walls, broken plumbing, brain health waning, foundational truths unable to be accepted – like love, acceptance, safety – even when they’re there – they’re not really there at all.

Our home is healing, and so is our boy. It’s not a complete renovation. No extreme makeover. Some of the leaky pipes are sealed up, some are still dripping with secret pain.

The foundation has been filled with more cement and sturdy glue – secured with safety, glued with more love, but with enough stomping and resistance, it can crack again.

We all can you know.

And we can all heal too.

Not the healing that we see always. Not the healing that we can touch. Not necessarily the healing that we beg the Lord for – not in our version of time – not in our physical realm.

We stop ignoring what we know might be cracking, and we confront it, with love, attunement, acceptance, with a belief that it can change – that he can change – that I can change – that we – together – all of us within these four walls, above this cracked and healing foundation – we are healing.

Whatever your family is walking through – there is another family that has walked before you – and they made it through that dark and dreary and dingy tunnel – the one you can’t even see the beginning of.

Whatever your marriage is battling – there is another marriage that has fought for the best – even when finding it meant waging war on the secrets.

Whatever that pain is within you – that’s so deep and raw and oozing and about to bust and burst and blow all over the walls around you – someone else has been there – someone else has broken just like you and they have been made whole again.

Whatever dream you have for your child that you just can’t believe any longer – whatever hope and prayer you’ve begged and pleaded – that child is His before he is yours. Rest there. Place the child there. Hope and believe and breathe and be. still. and. know. that HE is God.

HOW IS YOUR HOME HEALING? Share in comments below or on Facebook comments.

]]>http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/07/when-the-broken-home-is-healing-jenny-price/feed/0Perseverance in Adoptive Parenting, Jenny Pricehttp://jennyandtammy.com/2016/07/perseverance-in-adoptive-parenting-jenny-price/
http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/07/perseverance-in-adoptive-parenting-jenny-price/#respondThu, 07 Jul 2016 14:51:09 +0000http://jennyandtammy.com/?p=373What I learned in parenting my three oldest children, did not, and could not prepare me for parenting my youngest two. Traditional parenting, raising kids from the ground up, from day one to day 6,570 – it’s easier. It’s got obstacles and stickiness, but it’s a far cry from raising children who missed day one to day 1,095.

They didn’t “miss” it – they lived in it – with a momma, broken as she was, doing the best, being the most that she could be for them. And it wasn’t enough.

The pain they suffered matters. The daily grief they bear – it is a perseverance like no other. They rarely speak of being adopted. Resilience teaches many of us – grin and bear it. Deal with today – ignore the past. That’s their way of coping. So, we allow them that space and time.

One day, they may speak more openly, ask more questions, want to know more – so they can trust themselves more – and even us more – and that is their choice.

The perseverance in parenting our twins has been beautiful and brutal. It’s been clear how we grind up against our flesh and it’s been chaotic in our home. Not every moment, not even every day – but in general – in adoption – we gave up normalcy and comfort.

We knew we would. We wanted to live the gospel 24/7. We’d been living it (what we thought it was) in ministry for over 13 years at that point. Our older kids sacrificing alongside their pastoral parents. Giving up traditional freedoms for seeking and “saving” the lost.

But when you choose to serve wholeheartedly – the broken –

in your home, in your hearts, in your deepest crevices – the brokenness of a past of pain for two littles – intersects and wrecks you and yours.

Grateful daily that this is our privilege – yes!

Wondering daily how life will spin and sit – yes!

Living moment by moment – in total trust – and in falling fears – YES

These kiddos are not hellish – but the pain of their past – meeting our unknowing brains and minds and souls – that can be hell.

And it can be heavenly and glorious as well – hugely miraculous in ways that cannot be put into words.

There are a thousand lessons in parenting our adopted kids that I could share, but today, I’ll stick with far less:

What you think you might accomplish in “saving” the lives of adopted children – winds up saving you. There’s no rescue mission in adoption. The One and Only Rescuer does all that. We simply create a safe place to caregive and promote healing.

Whilst we ride that river of white water, we get to see how desperately we need our Savior – to mold us and make us more like him, and less like our depraved selves.

What you think you might sacrifice in bringing children into your home will pale in comparison to the comforts you will release (and that you will resist releasing). Neglecting our older children to parent the younger two. Giving everything we’ve got – every morsel of our being – and still, healing may not happen for years and years.

Normalcy. Over.

Comfort and Pleasure. Historical.

Peace of mind that seemed easy to attain. Completely harder to find rest in – even when He’s still right there, ready to give it.

That feeling of being Anchored and Grounded. Huh? What’s that?

WORTH IT? YES!

What you think will be possible in parenting will seem baffling and confusing. What worked with our older kids bruised and busted up our littles even more. How we did things before didn’t many anymore. What mattered was learning what worked for that moment – for that falling apart child – for that screaming, seemingly hopeless hurt.

Parenting from a place of knowledge – yeah right?!?!? But Grace Digs Deeper and equips you for what seems unattainable otherwise.

What you think will be provided by others (in assistance and therapies) will come up short and leave you even more confused. It’s not intentional that the system doesn’t provide what our kids need. It’s the God of the Universe that has their backs anyways.

And help is needed. Extra sideline support is a must. It must be fought for, begged for, pioneered for. So that’s how we’ve braved it. Fearfully and wonderfully and desperately – fought for our kids’ best.

It’s much like life.

In times of suffering and loss and searing grief, out God never falls short.

Just when we thought we couldn’t bear one more day, we can fall on Jesus, and He will pick us up.

When the clouds and fog seem darker and more blocking the clarity than ever before, you walk it out –

in Faith, in Hope, in Trust.

Because you see – God is not chaos. He is not confusing.

He is not comfortable or normal.

He is a fierce Lion defending His Young.

He is a gentle Lamb nursing His Babes.

He is a Mighty Warrior – gone to battle ahead of us, on our behalf.

He is the One and Only, Creator, Sustainer – of this Universe – and of theirs.

My Littles have a Lord and Savior – and it is not me.

And that simple truth has saved my life – saved my mind – saved my body from falling into the pits of hell.

THANK YOU to the community of believers (#TeamPrice) who have walked our journey these last 10 months – of putting one of our littles in a residential treatment for his attachment issues. He’s healing. We are healing. He’s coming home four months early. We’ve won our fight against Medicaid, who denied payment for his treatment – because he wasn’t suicidal or homicidal of smearing fecal matter on the walls – “that given day”.

We’ve witnessed a thousand miracles, and we anticipate a million more upon his homecoming. We can’t wait to learn even more about perseverance – together.

If you’d like to follow our story more personally, friend request me on Facebook, and let me know you’d like to be added to my group page #TeamPrice.

Whatever the trial you face today, my earnest prayers is that you learn, open heartedly – perseverance pays off! In Him Alone!

HOW MAY I PRAY FOR YOU? Comment below, or on Facebook comments.

]]>http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/07/perseverance-in-adoptive-parenting-jenny-price/feed/0Thoughts on Being the BEST Mom on the Planet, Jenny Pricehttp://jennyandtammy.com/2016/07/thoughts-on-being-the-best-mom-on-the-planet-jenny-price/
http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/07/thoughts-on-being-the-best-mom-on-the-planet-jenny-price/#commentsSat, 02 Jul 2016 17:14:28 +0000http://jennyandtammy.com/?p=366

How often do you think about what kind of mom am I being today?

OR

How often do you beat the crap out of yourself for not being a good enough mom?

OR

How often do you compare yourself to PTA Mom or Pinterest Mom or Perfect House and Perfect Body Mom – or whatever “Mom” that you allow to make you feel inadequate?

Well, what if there was a magic button that was pressed – and when you put your sweet little hand on that button – THIS HAPPENS:

You own the mommy that you are today!You BE the best version of you today!

AND

You do motherhood out of those truths – that you are the best already –

the “WORLD’s BEST MOM” on the planet!

So, I mastermind with a friend and fellow coach, and she said, WHEN ARE YOU FINALLY going to write that parenting book?

Well, finally, I sat down, for a few minutes and brainstormed. My brain spins quickly, and when I stop it long enough to nail down some ideas – I’m liking the many directions this book could take.

AND, I’m asking, you, the friends of jennyandtammy.com to help me add to these ideas…if you have a moment to do so, share in comments below, or comments on Facebook. (thank you ahead of time)

Here’s my ramble

(and if you steal my ideas and write your own book, please send it my way, so I don’t have to finish mine):

My mom book.

Gifts and Realities of Motherhood.

They are many, and millions, and miraculous. What are they in my life and yours?

Everybody Has a Mom.

And how you were “Mothered” makes a world of difference in how you are mothering and being in mommy-dom. Think about what you are thinking about as a mom and take action on what works in your home and with your child – rather than duplicating exactly what was when you were a kid. Take the good, and toss the not so good.

Whatever it Takes.

Everybody that’s a real mom will do whatever it takes unwavering to see their kids raised right including send them to residential care including raising $150,000 in 50 days including going to cancer treatments including getting up in the middle of the night and changing all the poop you diapers including including including

Where Did Motherhood Begin?

The origin of motherhood and where all our thoughts and beliefs and actions and attitude to begin, in the lap of our mommies

Mommy Moments.

They come in every shape and size. The ones that break you, the ones that crashed you on the ground face down, the ones that make everything in life make sense, and the ones that burst with joy that you can’t contain. Even.

How many kids should I have?

And all the other questions we ask before during and after motherhood and maybe when we stop asking them and we start living in the NOW and what is, life will be more fun.

The present of today.

Depression happens because we dwell on the past anxiety happens because were dwelling and fixating on tomorrow makes us anxious and all jacked up.

Being present today

With God

Myself

And my babes

Is the best present of all

All different kinds of mothers.

We have manic moms

and single moms

and anxious moms and Martha Stewart moms

and depressed moms

and super spiritual moms

and spanking moms

and “my child never does anything wrong” moms

and the critically ill and in pain moms

and the I have to work harder every day and die on this cross over and over again mom

and the I hate my marriage or my body or my kitchen or my whole entire life mom AND

everything in between

It matters not what the moms around you are but it matters what you’re becoming and how you’re becoming the best that you can be today.

Some of us are married happily some of us are married and it’s not working real well

some of us are single and lonely and desperate for comfort and companionship and

some of us are really happy we are single (Mandie Joy, my favorite instagram girl)

Some of us live on farms and take amazing breathtaking pictures of our lives and write about what’s really happening behind the scenes and in our hearts (Ann Voskamp)

Some of us are kicking butt and taking names and leading causes and NOT neglecting our kids but rather teaching them passion and purpose early (Christine Caine, A21) Gretchen Smeltzer into the light

Some of us live in NYC and adopt children of all races and tribes because that’s what our hearts told us to do

Some of us live in tiny little beach towns and rest at our pools and watch the tides come in while our kids play on THE most perfect playground in the world

Some of us live in Nica Vida and have left the American pace and settled into a version of best and better that few of us find (Jenna Smith)

Moms on meds.

and other mental health issues that come up in motherhood and in life and in getting out of bed today, and tomorrow, and…

And maybe you need meds to or at least some chill pills – and maybe you’ve had three doctors tell you this, but you’d rather pray your way out of it. And that might work and don’t judge those of us who need our pills for finding our precious selves each and every day.

The Many many many many seasons of motherhood.

In the first year of the baby’s life there’s 1 million seasons to happen so just imagine how many seasons happen by the age of 3 and seven and 13 and 16 and 18

There’s even a season of raising young adults and releasing mature married (or not married) adults

Being True to You.

This one thing remains true matter what you’re always always always a mother

What happens when we parent the abandoned kids?

And how can all of us be a part of that solution on this planet.

What happens when motherhood almost breaks you?

Losing sanity every day or losing it all together it’s a risk we take in parenthood

The miracles of motherhood.

and how we share them best and how we multiply joy on the planet

My mommy story.

played out in five very very very very very different kids

What my mom taught me.

as a kid and how it shapes me still today

The damage we do.

because of the damage done to us and how we might just project that on our kids and that’s not fair

Daily Redemption Storytelling.

How redemption is always playing out in motherhood you in 10 and 20 and 30 years later

And how do we teach our kids to manage life and to protect and cherish their own hearts, pornography, abuse, addiction, homework, packing lunches, doing chores.

What motherhood taught me in 10 statements

What I hope I’m teaching my kids in 10 statements or more

Pastor motherhood

Being married to the pastor, sleeping with him, and all I learn from this role in life and how it plays out in motherhood

Foster care motherhood

How being that, shifted every little and big thing for our family

Adaptive and Adoptive care motherhood

how sometimes being a mom is really being a caregiver creating safety and love and sustenance for children who can’t help but sabotage the greatest love of all – your love.

AND MUCH MUCH MORE…

The prayers of a tired mommy

The tears we shed in motherhood

The overbearing fears

and how perfect love really does cast those out

When parenting books aren’t enough

Does baby wise really make your baby wiser?

What Shall I feed them?

Thoughts about breast-feeding and feeding your kids chocolate cake before they turn one and giving the Mountain Dew in the bottle at six months and all the gluten-free and dairy free and non-GMO things we might do in motherhood

How we wish we could protect our kids but we really can’t and we really should and all the “balance” in between

If single then what? If married then what?

When the greatest losses occur like losing a child to death or do drugs or to self-destruction or anorexic or any other mental health issues

What’s the real goal?

If we focus on raising successful winning children are we really winning at all? What are we really teaching our kids life is about? Trophies and accolades? Or loving those who are harder to love and treated with disdain how to raise kids who love orphans and widows and everything else that no one else seems to love on the planet

Authentic faith in motherhood

the legacy were leaving at the beginning the middle and the end of our parenting years

How having a career does not ruin your kids

How homeschooling might be good for you it might be really dangerous for me and it may or not fit Suzie’s or Jan’s life and if it does, super cool!

Not being Judgy-Judgy and Ugly-Ugly

have other moms helps them not be judge a judge he of you

When McDonald’s really is the best

choice for dinner but Chick-fil-A is a little bit better

Being the perfect mom is for lizards

and other mom/life lessons we can learn from Animal Planet

How Moms Study Their Bibles

and other ways I grow in my faith and don’t tell you how to grow in yours or act hoity-toity better than

The lies and limiting beliefs

of motherhood and how we can overcome those by trusting that God of the universe to speak life over us- how living paralyzed or mediocre aint’ really living at all

The importance of friendships

deep and wide in motherhood

What I’ve learned from other moms on Instagram and Facebook and blogs and texting and the value of using technology to connect to other humans that have stories that enrich and inspire

You’re the only mom they’ve got

today so give it all you got

Wasting Time

The importance of naps and chocolate and wasteful magazine or Netflix viewing

DeClutter

On cluttering your mommy brain and your countertops and your filthy floors and when the kitchen drawers are all junk drawers filled the tampons and too many sharpies and boxtops

Just Say Yes (or No)

The yeses and no(s) and how nobody knows all the answers and that we get to stay in motherhood in the various seasons of our lives and that may look different every few years or more

Eat the Chocolate Chips

How reading as many parenting books as you can is good but only using the morsels that work for you are ideal.

Your Best

Be the best mom that you can be today and then tomorrow be the best mom that you can be again today even though it’s tomorrow and so on and so forth

Getting Ready for Church

Why Sunday morning worship really stresses you out and how eating two donuts before church is really OK

Self Honoring the Motherload

Motherhood in the importance of getting massage every month and other thoughts on self-care itself honoring and how it’s really really more unselfish to not take care of yourself

Maximize the moment

you do have and stop going on all this guilt trips because no one’s really going with you there

Go On Vacation Even!

Motherhood and the vacations we can take daily, buyer selves, with a loved one, and with all of the gang and how all of those vacations are just right no matter what they look like

When You Simply CAN’T Anymore.

When you have to send your kid a way to heal because you got nothing left to give and other stories of redemption in parenting and in life

Your Past Talks So Loudly

You can’t even be in today.

When you project your own growing up years on your children and your own relationship with your parents on your kids

in-laws or OutLaws

Motherhood and being a better in law

Practical questions

of motherhood for you

WHAT MIGHT YOU ADD???? PLEASE SHARE BELOW or on Facebook comments

OH YEAH and If you read every single word of this way too long post, might you share it with a tired momma? Or a momma who already knows her amazingness?

]]>http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/07/thoughts-on-being-the-best-mom-on-the-planet-jenny-price/feed/1Are You Adopted? Jenny Price, adoptive mom of twinshttp://jennyandtammy.com/2016/06/are-you-adopted-jenny-price-adoptive-mom-of-twins/
http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/06/are-you-adopted-jenny-price-adoptive-mom-of-twins/#respondWed, 22 Jun 2016 15:40:53 +0000http://jennyandtammy.com/?p=359You’re either adopted, or you’re not. You’re either living as an adopted child of ABBA FATHER, or you’re not. You’re (and I am) either embracing the abundant kingdom of God freedoms or you’re eating out of the dumpster.

The security of our adoption has everything to do with God and his underling fatherly faithfulness, and it has a bit to do with our RECEIVING or our denial of our adoption security.

Romans 8: For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons and daughters,

by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

We sent our son away this year. He needed residential care.

The health of our home had been so deteriorated due to his traumatic past and his inability to cope.

We wished we could’ve kept it up, and done more than just survive.

We parents wish a lot of things for our kids, that parenthood and life do not guarantee or deliver on.

It’s been six months – and HE IS HEALING. He is connecting more. He is receiving love more readily. He is living as an adopted son a little more than he was before.

7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son,and if a son, then an heir through God.

8 Formerly, when you did not know God, you were enslaved to those that by nature are not gods.

So, our son, gets to live in “slavery” to fear, hopelessness, abandonment, and aloneness.

OR, he gets to claim the identity placed upon his life, by both God, and his adoptive family and home.

And it’s a challenging decision for him every day.

It is for us too – those of us who know Jesus and the vastness of the Father’s love.

It’s a moment by moment decision some days.

Ping Pong. Back and forth.

Slavery. Freedom.

Abandonment. Chosen-ness.

Far away from us. Very close to us. Snuggled against our hearts – healing from broken places and pieces that only he knows. (and really, he can barely recall – who would want to dig up all that past messiness?)

Before he left, a man with two RAD kids spoke to Matt, my hubby, that Father in our home. He said, I adopted two children. But upon adoption of any child, that child gets to make a decision.

Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it happens with a lot of drudgery and fighting, and sometimes – yes, sometimes, it never happens how we want it too.

So Matt spoke to our son. You’re about to leave to go to a place to heal. We want what is best for you, and we simply cannot do more right now. When we adopted you, we chose you and your sister.

WE CHOSE ADOPTION. We wanted you and we still want you. We loved you and we adore you now.

YET, you have not yet CHOSEN ADOPTION. There is still a question mark on that gift for you.

You’re not sure.

You’re afraid for us to get too close.

You’re afraid to trust grown ups and seemingly empty promises – as all that before has been so empty – you fear life at its best.

The dumpster diving feels safer than the banquet table where Jesus lives and loves and lavishes his GOODNESS and HIS PLENTY.

We know all about those fears. We live there too. Asking God to show us his Fatherly love, and then choosing destructive patterns of our past to deny that love in our present day.

We battle daily to live as adopted children of the ONE TRUE KING – our ABBA FATHER who will never ever ever let us down.

We know the struggle son. And yet, the choice is yours. It’s on you –

do you want the adoption or do you want to live alone?

do you want to live as our chosen and adored and treasure son or do you want to live as unwanted?

do you want to live in the fullness of God’s best or do you want to fight for what you think is best?

do you want the fears to rule your life or do you want to fall into his lap, our laps, and be loved?

16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,

17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ…

THAT IS AMAZING! So abundantly and over the top amazing!

We belong.

We belong to Jesus.

We are heirs of all of God’s best.

We are fellow heirs with God’s son Jesus.

We’ve been adopted. Completely chosen by our gracious Father.

Will we live as if this is true?

Will we breathe in the hope of Jesus and the gifts of God and exhale them into our homes and into the lives of others?

Or will we settle – at the dumpster – for less than, for the pain and the past, and the ickiness and stench of being unwanted and not belonging to anyone but ourselves?

It’s a choice. It’s on us.

It’s our son’s choice. It’s on him.

God adopted us, and we get to live as adopted kids or we get to live as hopeless, lost kids.

We adopted our son, and he gets to live and receive as adopted ones, or he gets to fight all of it, alone.

So, what will it be for you today? Will you walk as the wanted, adopted, co heir of Jesus?

Or will you settle, and succumb to less than?

Our son will be home soon. We are hoping, believing, trusting, an

Galatians 4: But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. 6 And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” 7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. 8 Formerly, when you did not know God, you were enslaved to those that by nature are not gods.

Romans 8: For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

]]>http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/06/are-you-adopted-jenny-price-adoptive-mom-of-twins/feed/0When Everything Seems So Suddenly Changing, Jenny Bolt Price, adoptive mommahttp://jennyandtammy.com/2016/06/when-everything-seems-so-suddenly-changing-jenny-bolt-price-adoptive-momma/
http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/06/when-everything-seems-so-suddenly-changing-jenny-bolt-price-adoptive-momma/#respondSun, 19 Jun 2016 16:04:41 +0000http://jennyandtammy.com/?p=355When the road you are on busts into pieces, has detour signs all over it, or just gets way too bumpy, HE is NOT busted, He has not detoured, and He is so steady.

I found myself bawling my eyes out about five times this week. This is good news. It means my manic, moving, tired, adrenaline led mind is feeling more, and present more in the joys and the pain.

Yesterday’s rolling tears happened in the middle of an airport, while talking to my favorite Father in my life, my hubby. My 11-year-old daughter sat there, watching my snot faced sobs, while my husband waited on the other line for me to gather my words.

“Did I upset you?” “What did I say to make you cry?”

Nothing. He did nothing. Life had done enough.

He than asked to speak with my daughter, “Take care of mommy. Encourage her. She’s tired.” (THAT is some sweet Daddy Love).

Rental car company would not honor my reservation due to me showing up one hour late. They jacked up my price for traveling to see my littlest one – by over $500 more dollars, making my car rental $943! THAT IS RIDICULOUS RIGHT?

So, we got creative, and booked a flight, literally 20 minutes before getting to the airport. Then that plane was maybe not going to make its connection in Dallas, and so on, and so forth.

And my daughter and I are traveling to see her twin brother. He’s been living on his own (with Jesus) away from our family for over six months. That too is a piece of life that lends my tears to bust out pretty fast.

I am truly thankful for the sorrows of this Reactive Attachment Disordered child – I am grateful for all that I get to learn about love, and grace, and Jesus’ faithful by my side tenderness – and all of that for my boy too.

It’s hard raising a boy who’d rather be Mowgli, raised by wolves. He’s hesitant at times to even miss home as that word “home” means very little to a boy who started his formative years in utter chaos and neglect.

He’s healing. He’s learning new tools.

He’s breaking through some old stories to make new ones.

His brain is being treated by neuro-feedback (an unusual and evidenced based proven treatment for those who suffer PTSD or trauma disorders like him). I too got those electrodes placed with sticky stuff on my head – one to see what the treatment was all about, and two, because my brain’s been pretty fried by all of this.

When trauma enters your home, when you have a history of “mild” trauma yourself (sexual abuse in childhood, addiction in my twin sister, bi-polar dad, etc), a strong, anchored Mom, a devoted, stable family – can break.

My brain test simply said, I am tired, and wired with 1000 thoughts per minute (that may be exaggerated but it feels pretty fast up there). I don’t fit the need for treatment as my brain waves baseline is steady enough.

His brain waves need motivation and healing. He plays spaceship races with the computer – the steadier his breathing, the calmer his brain, the faster the ship races. Pretty cool “medicine”.

He’s coming home a few months early. Compared to the boys he lives with, he’s moving pretty fast through treatment. He will practice the tools way more effectively in the setting of his permanent home. His therapist will likely do three home trips to train all of us, every family member, even the dog.

It’s been a long couple of years. Lots of heartache, lots of being wounded, both child to mom, and mom to child. We’ve truly done the best we can and we have tried and tried and tried to the point of exhaustion – thus the need for out of home treatment.

And in the pain we have found rest. In the crushing blows we have carried the hope we profess. In the hard moments of wondering how it will all turn out, there is trust. Faith like Peter. Just walk out on those waves and know – He will carry us through.

Today is Father’s Day, 2016. I miss my Dad. He never met my twins. A father of twins himself (I and my sister are his baby girls) – he would have embraced them tenderly. He would have made them laugh and wonder at who God is.

The twins’ Daddy, my darling and tired and strong and “weak when He is powerful enough” God follower: He deserves a very big, celebratory HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! He’s been an anchor as I have fallen into a steady battle for my own mental and emotional health. He’s stepped up in ways in our home that very few men would ever do.

He listens as my tears fall. He tells me the truth – “We are gonna make it. We are Jenny.” I am blessed. When life changes in shocking ways, God does not change.

COMMENTS: How do you KNOW this truth today? How is it hard to believe this truth today?

Raising difficult kids has shaped me more than I want to be shaped. It’s grown me in ways I truly did not know I needed to grow. It’s kept me humbly on my knees, and it’s broken my heart, and it’s tattered my soul.

Each of my five kids teaches me deeply. My oldest reminds me to slow down and savor and see His miracles. Second born keeps me laughing and playing and trusting. Third born models exceptional patience and deep water compassion. Fourth “born” (adopted girl twin) glows in glorious ways and fights for the best around her, even when it’s messy.

He doesn’t mean to be difficult. He doesn’t even know he is. He’s simply fighting to stay alive – so when I’m confronting his lying, he’s in a life or death battle to just be breathing at the end of our conflict. Again, he’s not aware of his internal fight, and as soon as I forget it, and press on him harder to tell the truth, the further he gets into his fear, and fight or flight mentality. (more about attachment issues)

His wounds are being healed in ways now that my husband and I simply couldn’t continue doing (for a time). As he is away in residential treatment for Reactive Attachment Disorder – healing at a VERY special place designed to heal kids with deep trauma histories (called CALO) – I too am healing and recovering as his mommy.

My very specific prayer for his return is that he will come home as a newborn babe and I will receive him as exactly that – desiring and knowing exactly how to cuddle and coo this 11 year old precious life.

Placing my child in a full time treatment program was something I fought hard on for months and months.

“Why was I failing as a mom?”

“Why can’t love fix his heart?”

“Why are we working so hard to raise him up and why is he resisting every piece of love I give him?”

It’s not a dream for any mom to get to say, “I have NOTHING left.” And for me, that was exactly the truth. I’d given all I could. And I needed the professionals and the training for myself and my child.

Four months in, I am falling in love with his heart all over again. When children come to your family via foster care, and the first two years are all about going home to their first mom, bonding is not a natural. And when it’s a child who was severely neglected or abused, falling in love with a child is even trickier.

I miss him a ton. He’s learning to miss us. He REALLY misses the dog. That’s not unusual. Dogs are not threatening to RAD kids. Dogs are easy to trust. Ironically, some kids, once they really learn to trust their animal, even start hurting that same animal. Trust feels so scary – so risky – so “wrong” – so they desire (again unaware of this desire) to hurt and wound the one they trust.

So, that’s the dance we do – me and fifth born son:

I love deeply, and he pushes desperately away.

I protect fiercely, and he projects further from my heart.

I hug and touch and hold, and he instinctually pulls away, as if my touch is a burning fire that might brand his skin with love.

My journey as the mom is mine. His journey as the child is his. And yet, my mommy instinct would like to heal him and love him enough to get him well. So, the hardest love to express was letting him go to heal away from my heart for a time.

I hear songs often that reflect this very awful and beautiful journey. Rachel Platten “Fight Song” and her “Stand by You” (Below with my ALL CAPS commentary within) are my go-tos for this time.

Hands, put your empty hands in mine
And scars, show me all the scars you hide
And hey, if your wings are broken
Please take mine so yours can open, too
‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you

CHILD, LET ME HOLD YOU, EVEN WHEN IT FEELS SO FOREIGN. LET ME LEAD YOU TO THE ONE AND ONLY HEALER OF YOUR HEART. MY HANDS WILL NOT HURT YOU. LET’S WALK HAND IN HAND TO THE HEART AND HOPE OF HIM WHO LOVES US MOST

Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes
And hurt, I know you’re hurting, but so am I
And, love, if your wings are broken
Borrow mine ’til yours can open, too
‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you

I LOVE YOUR TEARS. SEEING YOU LET IT GO AND RELEASE AND FEEL IS ALL A MOMMY WANTS. WHEN YOU ARE HURTING, I WANT TO COMFORT AND BE THERE. CRY, MORE AND MORE, CRY AND ACCEPT THAT WE ARE ALL BROKEN, AND THAT OUR BRAVEST MOMENTS ARE WHEN WE STOP DOING IT ALL ALONE.
And the heart—sometimes it’s unclear why it’s beating
And, love, if your wings are broken
We can brave through those emotions, too
‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you

HOW DOES AN 11Y/O CHILD FACE THE FEARS IN HIS LITTLE HEART? YOU DO IT WITH US, THE FAMILY THAT LOVES YOU AND TREASURES YOU AND ADMITS FULLY OUR BROKEN WINGS, AND YET, WE WILL HOLD YOU UP – WE WILL! THOSE FEELINGS THAT YOU FEAR AND THOSE PLACES THAT YOU’D RATHER KEEP DARK, WE ARE WITH YOU, WALKING INTO THE LIGHT WITH YOU.
And I know now, love, if your wings are broken
Borrow mine ’til yours can open, too
‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you

Even if we’re breaking down, we can find a way to break through
Even if we can’t find heaven, I’ll walk through Hell with you
Love, you’re not alone, ’cause I’m gonna stand by you
Even if we can’t find heaven, I’m gonna stand by you

WE WON’T GET IT PERFECT. THERE WILL BE MORE MOMENTS IN THE NEXT DECADE OF YOUR GROWING UP WHERE WE ALL BREAK DOWN, AND WE CAN KEEP HAVING BREAK THROUGH MOMENTS. I’VE SEEN SEVERAL OF THESE BREAK THROUGHS IN THE LAST FOUR MONTHS – YOUR HEART REVEALED. YOUR FEARS SURFACED. AND WE ARE STILL HERE. WE ARE YOURS. YOU BELONG. YOU ARE SAFE. IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE HELL, AND WE’RE ON OUR WAY TO HEAVEN TOGETHER.

I’ll be your eyes ’til yours can shine
And I’ll be your arms, I’ll be your steady satellite
And when you can’t rise, well, I’ll crawl with you on hands and knees
‘Cause I… I’m gonna stand by you

I’D DIE FOR YOU SON. YOU ARE MINE. MY BLOOD. MY CHILD. I’D DO ANYTHING TO SEE YOU FREE. I’D EVEN LET YOU GO, AS I HAVE, TO SEE YOU FIND THE TRUEST FREEDOM OF ALL. WHEN YOUR EYES WOULD RATHER LOOK FAR AWAY FROM MINE, I’LL NEVER STOP ADORING YOURS. WHEN YOUR ARMS CAN’T CIRCLE INTO THE HUG, I’M STILL STEADY RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. I LOVE YOU SON. I’M IMPERFECT IN EVERY WAY, AND TRULY, THERE IS NO MOMMY ON THIS PLANET WHO COULD LOVE YOU MORE.

]]>http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/04/difficult-children-and-challenged-parents-jenny-price/feed/0Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenheartedhttp://jennyandtammy.com/2016/01/manifesto-of-the-brave-and-brokenhearted/
http://jennyandtammy.com/2016/01/manifesto-of-the-brave-and-brokenhearted/#respondWed, 20 Jan 2016 20:20:25 +0000http://jennyandtammy.com/?p=347All credit for this post goes to Brene Brown, the author of Rising Strong.

Brene is an amazing clinician, woman and sister who is conquering shame and unworthiness with Truth and Light!

If you need a great new author, read any of her books and you will be equipped with tools and new awareness!

This manifesto is for all the women who have encouraged me in my journey. Some of you I am blessed to share my life on a daily basis. Others, I have never personally met. All of you inspire me to keep on moving forward, being brave and Rising Strong.

Thank you my sisters and fellow sojourners for being authentic, open and honest with your stories and your lives.

“Sometimes I’m way more human than folks are comfortable with….We all are. That’s the irony of it….Scratch beneath the surface and you’ll find humanity in all of us.

If we could believe we are deeply connected in the fragile places, we could drop the games. When you tell me the truth about yourself, I no longer hide from you. You become safe for me. So guess what? You are a recipient of my truth too. I am drawn to you. Your vulnerability makes a path for my own.”

Jen Hatmaker, For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards Page 45

I was a young woman at Flagler College when I was introduced to the rooms of recovery. My concerned professors thought my erratic behavior in class and lack of motivation to sometimes enter the classroom might be an indication of too many nights at St. Georges, the local bar. A freshman in college, not even 19 years of age and I was a blackout drinker.

In St. Augustine, the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous were mostly people older than 35, so I was a bit out of place. They welcomed me like a long lost pup and showed me their stuff and revealed to me a path of wellness through the 12 Steps.

The greatest message they shared with me was this: You are not alone!

I have been in and out of recovery most of my adult life. Consistently IN for the last 11 years and my life is all the better for it.

I have not graduated from recovery, nor will I ever. I continue to get shown my stuff and I keep on doing the hard work required to keep moving forward to abundant life, freedom and victory.

I learned to be vulnerable in the rooms of recovery. I learned to be who I really am, to stop hiding and be authentic.

Recovery is work. Recovery is fun. Recovery is connection and community. Recovery brings hope and healing.

My recovery began by putting down drugs and alcohol. It has evolved into working on the deeper issues as I have stayed away from the first drink and drug for a number of days now.

I do the hard work with a sponsor, with a lot of support, and by “practicing the principles in all my affairs”.

Is Recovery for me?

Are you breathing? You need recovery.

Are you in relationships? Do you want deeper intimacy and connection? Then, you need to work the Steps of Recovery.

Do you have others that you influence? Where are you leading them? Find out how to lead them to deeper freedom as you embrace your recovery.

Do you have a hurt, habit or a hang up that you can’t control? You need recovery.

Do you eat too much, exercise too little, gossip more than you should, stand in judgment, people-please, refuse support, have trouble asking for help, sleep more than you need, escape relationships through excessive media or screen time, live vicariously through your children, lack purpose and direction? Do you want me to keep going?

Do you have a child or a spouse who is out of control? Are you suffering from grief or loss? Is your heart broken? Do you need healing? Have you loved and lost? You need recovery.

Are you out of control? Do you have a need to be the one who projects: I got this. I have all the answers! You need recovery.

We all need recovery, every single human one of us! The 12 Steps are universal. Celebrate Recovery is operating in 30,000 churches in America.

Today, A.A. has a presence in over 170 countries, with an estimated total of 114,070 groups and more than 2 million members worldwide.Sep 19, 2013

So, maybe instead of wondering if Recovery is for you, you could check out a meeting and find out if you fit?

When you tell me the truth about yourself, I no longer hide from you. You become safe for me.

We started a Celebrate Recovery at our church, Covenant Fellowship in February of 2015. Our group is thriving and people are growing, We worship and weep together. We love and laugh together. We get real and create space for others to be transparent. Celebrate Recovery is a safe place.

We all bring our hurts, habits and hang ups. Not one of us struggles the same way. But we all have the same goal: to get freedom from the hurt and pain and to live free and victorious lives in the power of Christ. We worship and surrender to the same Jesus and He makes us better, one day at a time!

I am a grateful follower of Christ, who struggles well with drugs and alcohol and is struggling better, one day at a time with codependency and a host of other issues. My name is Tammy.

I don’t travel alone, I have brothers and sisters who walk alongside me on this journey and we are ready to welcome you with open arms! Come and find your safe place!