2. When I vomit, sometimes I pee, too. So sometimes, I'm crouched on the floor with one hand on the toilet, and one hand trying to cram toilet paper in my undies before I pee on myself. Awesome.

3. I sneeze frequently lately, and always twice, and always at about 10,000 decibels, so that when I sneeze at work, babies cry.

4. I am worried daily that my family is stepping on and killing the snails that keep crawling on our front walkway. I remind them daily not to step on and kill said snails, which they don't, but I still worry. Then today I looked at my large lovely green leaved plant, which I love, and said horrified, What is eating my plant? And Mr. Curry just looked at me and sighed and said Snails.

5. Lola stayed home from school with head lice today. I read up on how to treat it, and bought the right materials- tea tree oil and a lice comb. I spent two hours combing out her hair, and when I was done, I treated her head to the tea tree oil, rubbing it in. Only I had missed the part where it said concentrated tea tree oil, which meant that Lola's head turned the color of boiled lobster and she began shrieking It burns! Owww!! and Mr. Curry and I ran around like fools washing her hair- didn't work- putting an ice pack on her head- didn't work- mixing up baking soda and water- slightly worked- and finally leaving her head under running water for a length of time. Mother of the year. No lice or eggs could have survived that. It was like the Lice Holocaust.

* In reading this list said reader agrees not to use any of the revealed facts against the author in the future.

Having had a stroke I can tell you that what Michaels is going through is pretty dreadful. I do not think it is unreasonable to feel some compassion for him, regardless of what kind of lifestyle he was leading before he got sick.

It is 6am here in South Africa nad I have just woken up. You post was the first thing that I have read today and you made me smile. Thankyou.(oh I didnt smile about the Lola part, that was sad, poor Lola)

It can be so hard to be human, a mother (and father), to protect nature (even when it is little snails who leave unusual art work in the leaves)....yes....but ain't it grand all the same?

I think I must have just been lucky with the head lice...I use to worry that one of my kids would come home with a note pinned to their shirt with a "can't come back to school till lice are gone" on it. And the tea tree sounded like a soothing deal..you all must have been screaming and running all over the house!

It is a good and noble thing to feel sad for a sick man. No need to apologize or worry that anyone would ever hold that against you. And if someone did they should reincarnate into a snail who isn't lucky enough to live in front of your house.

Oh, I shudder at the lice thing. Both of my boys and I had a terrible breakout several years ago that I still feel a bit traumatized by. Previously, I used to make fun of people who complained about what a pain lice was. When it happened to me, I was obsessed. It was all I talked about and I just could not let it rest. Here's hoping that the concentrated tea tree oil did what it was supposed to do and that Lola's head feels better soon!

But I've heard from a very reliable source that 1) Chorine in pools isn't strong enough 2) smearing with oil and sticking a plastic bag on their hair for an hour or two doesn't work 3) consider buying that lice shampoo in bulk 4) get comfortable combing through her hair 5)take her clothes to the laundromat. Dries on higher temperature.

Head Lice. Yipes. I know those guys, very well, probably 20 times over. Actually, I lost count when I lived in Uruguay, it was either myself or my roommates getting them again and again and again...you get the picture.

Tea Tree Oil smells mmmm. You are such a dear mama. At least Lola will smell good as those lice drown! ;)

oh sorry, I just laughed at your poor girl getting the lice treatment. Hey we all have bad mother stories - just most people don't tell teh general public. And the wee stuff as well. But hey - must feel very airy to get it all out there. Is it odd that no one comments and then me - who just came by on a whim and found you today? I feel obliged to tell you something so it's not like going through the undie drawer at a strangers house. Um, um. I must say, I unwittingly pick my nose in the car an awful lot and I suspect, that despite knowing that all children go through a phase, I truly suspect that I actually taught my son to pick his nose. Well, there you go. Glad I stopped by.

OMG, I feel your pain. I've had Brett Michaels on my mind, too. He's so young....My 2 daughters got head lice more than once in elementary school. Oh, God, what a pain in the butt....they had LONG hair and it was so hard to get those nits out. You do know you have to treat them twice, again in one week after the eggs have hatched. Also, wash all her bedding in very hot water and run her pillow through the dryer, too. Oh, the joys of parenthood! Good luck and may the force be with you. :-) Blessings!

haaaaaaha. i once cleaned my cat's ears with a little alcohol & cotton balls and he screamed & screamed and then i realized i was using nail polish remover! no, that horrible smell didn't tip me off at all.

One thing to do that I learned when we lived in Hawaii was to make a hot infusion of ginger, as in boiling a big piece of ginger root in water and letting it cool to room temperature and make sure to rinse the hair with that every day, letting it sit for a spell to saturate the hair and then use the special comb to fight the little interlopers.

Whether it was just make believe or not I cannot tell, I had no children at that time, but I know that my neighbor was happy with the results. It may sooth Lola's head as well, and slugs - snails are a different story - are the most voracious, vicious little invertebrates capable of destroying everything it took you months to plant, overnight. Rethink your position, my dear unless you want a yard crawling with the little stormtroopers and nothing but slime to look at.(Scary enough? I have more where this came from) Hugs from here.

Maggie, the one thing that worked for my daughter when she got a bad case of lice was to smother her hair and scalp in mayonnaise (generic works fine) then put a shower cap over her hair and leave it for a good half hour or so. The oil in the mayo kills them dead. Sorry you're going through that, it can be a real pain in the ass.... Hope her scalp feels better soon and that it didn't burn her too badly. NOT YOUR FAULT, I repeat.....

The Mr. & Mrs.

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