Descent Planning

UXBRIDGE, MA – Sep 19, 2017 – IYAAP Blog – Being of Italian descent, I wear an undershirt beneath my dress shirts as a comfort for myself and as a courtesy to others. For me, wiry hairs rubbing against medium-starched garments are way too itchy. For others, my nipple-and-fiber tribute to Michael Faraday’s experiments with magnets and iron filings is not the most aesthetically pleasing sight to behold. Thus, the undershirt. But on a recent business trip to New Jersey, I forgot to pack one. Having not realized this until after my morning shower, my first option was to put on my dress shirt without an undershirt.

No! Definitely not.

Other options? I could shave my chest hairs, but I’m a bleeder. One cut, and I’d ruin my shirt. I could manscape using my electric nose hair trimmer, (again, being of Italian descent, this travels with me), but what if it ran out of charge once I’d started? I didn’t bring the power cord. With only two hours until my first meeting, I didn’t like any of my choices.

I tapped “Walmart” into the Maps app on my smartphone. If ever I needed some smart- and some -mart, this was the time. And there it was! Only 3.7 miles away – en route to my business meetings, and it opened at 7AM.

I skipped breakfast, and drove straight to Walmart, dressed in my suit with no tie and no undershirt. New option 1: Buy an undershirt, and finish getting dressed in the Walmart bathroom. New option 2: If Walmart had no undershirts, buy a gold chain necklace, and wear it instead of my tie with my dress shirt unbuttoned and chest hairs exposed. (After all, I was in New Jersey.)

I had no problem finding a 3-pack of undershirts in my size. I had no problem getting dressed in the Walmart bathroom. I even had time to pick up a cup of coffee from the café at the front of the store. I had time to finish the coffee in the parking lot of my client’s office. But on my last big sip, I spilled coffee on my shirt.

With thirty minutes until my first meeting, I didn’t like any of my choices. Next trip, I’m packing an extra shirt, and being of Italian descent, I’ll pack an extra undershirt, too.