Sunday, February 07, 2010

Pinkest, Girliest Satanic Gateway Ever

OK, so I was checking out Fox News' web site because I wanted to find a full, written transcript of Sarah Palin's speech last night (so that I could see how many squares to X out on my bingo card). I didn't find one, but I did find this hilarious headline:

Pink Ouija Board Targeting Young Girls Riles Critics

Oh, it riles critics? I wonder why? Such a silly thing! What kind of critics?

Well, Christian critics, natch. OK, actually, just make it one Christian critic:

"There's a spiritual reality to it and Hasbro is treating it as if it's just a game," said Stephen Phelan, communications director for Human Life International, which bills itself as the largest international pro-life organization and missionary worldwide. "It's not Monopoly. It really is a dangerous spiritual game and for [Hasbro] to treat it as just another game is quite dishonest."

Phelan, who has never played the game, said the Bible explicitly states "not to mess with spirits" and that using a Ouija board will leave a person's soul vulnerable to attack.

Oh, well, sure, when I want an opinion on a game, I ask an expert: an anti-abortion activist. Our expert continues:

Asked how the game differed from magic kits or Harry Potter-themed merchandise, Phelan replied, "The difference is that the Ouija board is actually is a portal to talk to spirits and it's hard to get people to understand that until they actually do it. I don't pretend to know how it works, but it actually does."

So anyway, the headline for the article says, to repeat, that the Pink Ouija Board is "riling critics," so what do the other people quoted in the article say? Are they riled? Well, no, actually, all the three other named sources in the article basically shrug and say there's nothing wrong with it.

Which I suppose demonstrates that Fox News* doesn't really expect its visitors to read entire articles, just the headlines.

That said, there are some hilarious comments about the girly Satanic monstrosity on Amazon (it's expensive!):

How could the disembodied spirits know such personal things? When `playing' this game you haven't caught the ramblings of the dearly departed but you've contacted the depraved demonic realm. Demons are everywhere and existed long before you did. Cavorting with demons just doesn't sound like a crazy fun time but rather incredibly horrific.

No, it sounds totally awesome! And it's pink! And it riles critics!

*Also, would it surprise you to discover that Fox News' piece on the pink devil toy apparently was inspired by a post on One News Now?