We’re going to need a bigger heart

Does it feel tight in here or is it just me? It feels like the walls are closing in, like fences are about to rain down on me, like bridges are being stolen in the middle of the night. I’ve lost my place again. Now where were we?

The distance between us and them is increasing and I don’t know how to make up the difference. I don’t know how to make up for lost time spent chasing and pinning down lies. Fear spreads quicker than truth. On your mark, get set, here we go again. I think that fear gets a head start. So, we will need to do more than catch up and it is not enough to run alongside of it. No, we must get ahead of fear or there is no point in moving at all.

But, I can’t just sit and do nothing. I don’t know how to wait patiently. I am trying to write down the directions to the progress we’ve made. It’s a little cloudy because “we’ve come this far by faith.” I don’t see why we would want to turn around. I can’t go back now. I have loved too many and for too long.

And when did the earth become a tight squeeze, a tight fit? No room for you or me, him or her potentially? God’s got the whole world in God’s hands but we can’t seem to find any room on the land. Get out. Stay out. Keep out.

I can’t keep still. I have to move closer. They tell me, “Let’s just wait and see. Let’s take things slowly.” One step at a time, we are walking away from our shared humanity. I can’t breathe. I need to sit down. Head between my legs, head in my hands, head between my legs, head in my hands… I pray and cross my heart. Lord, open my heart. Amen.

Give me space and the time of day. What year is this? Because this feels old. This division is old news. I’ve read all about it before. Ball up the paper and don’t recycle it.

This is a complete mess, a circle. History is chasing me around. I better not come around or come back or be here after sundown. Darkness sets in our hearts. It will all come to light but first it must break our hearts. This is how the light gets in. It must come from our hearts breaking.

Because this is more than I can bear. I need more heart. I need your heart to join with mine. My sisters and brothers, we’re going to need a bigger heart.