WouldJew Believe #4

Outrageous, odd, fascinating Jewish facts and figures.

MAMA-LIEBER!
Election "season" is upon us. So, what have some Jewish mamas done to help? The Yiddishe mama queen, was Senator Joseph Lieberman's late mother, Marcia "Baba" Lieberman. When her son was running for Vice President, she played matchmaker for machers and sent then some nosh. Following her son's acceptance speech for his party's nomination in 2000, "Baba" invited Senator Al Gore over for a bissel cheesecake and coffee. She also sent reporters care packages that included Manischewitz bagel chips, postcards (to write to their mamas) with the following handwritten note: "Please be kind to my son! Enjoy. Marcia Lieberman (Joe's mom!)." When reporter Charlie Gibson asked her how the press responded to this "bribery," she responded, "They love it." See – -- Jewish guilt is bi-partisan.

JEWESS BEATS WHITMAN AND TWAIN
"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddl'd masses yearning to breathe free…" Many Jews take pride in the fact that this great quote, inscribed on the Statue of Liberty, was part of the poem, "The New Colossus" by Jewess and fervent Zionist, Emma Lazarus. What many don't know is that poor Lady Liberty, donated by France, laid around in pieces for several years awaiting funds to build the base and assemble "her." In 1883, an auction was held, and though Walt Whitman and Mark Twain contributed manuscripts, the highest bid, $1,500, was received for "The New Colossus" written by the young Lazarus. It was not until 1888 that Lady Liberty assumed her place in the New York harbor. Sadly, Lazarus died a year earlier at age thirty-eight38. But her words were inscribed on a tablet inside the Statue in 1903. Thankfully, instead of arriving to see a tsebrokhen arm here, a leg who-knows-where, immigrants were greeted with the mighty "stand-up" lady and words of hope and inspiration.

HE'S OUT THERE
Whether loathe or love him, Sacha Baron Cohen, who hit the big screen as Borat is, of course, Jewish, with an Orthodox upbringing, participation in Habonim and a year on kibbutz to his credit. All this, despite his wildly "anti-Semitic" antics that he believes takes on anti-Semitism, in his humor and his 2006 film, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Despite some controversy over the comic who possesses a hint of Groucho and a bissel Andy Kaufman, in 2006, The Forward named Baron Cohen one of its Forward 50, who are "making a difference in the way American Jews, for better or worse, view the world and themselves." His humor, they noted, perhaps opens a dialogue on prejudice .

A JEWISH SANFORD?
Let's face it. Until recent history, career choices for Jews were limited, generally to peddling, money lending, the rag trade, and – jun. When law schools and medical schools had "Jew quotas" it left some of our landsmen rummaging through the garbage to make ends meet – literally. Many of the wealthiest Jewish families today began by collecting junk and scrap metal and making a mint. Butk. T the biggest hauler, hands down, had to be a Jewish merchant from Emessa. According to chronicler Paulus Diaconis, after one of the seven wonders of the world, the Colossus of Rhodes fell, a Jewish merchant, in around 650 C.E., loaded it as junk on 900 camels, taking the Gold Star for Best Shlepping of Any Millennia. Is this the emmess – the truthemmes? There are other legends, but many point to the man from Emessa somewhere in the "messa."

ON ACCOUNT OF A CART
Jews have always loved shopping — almost as much as talking – almost as much as logic. Which brings us to Sylvan Goldman. Who, you may ask, is Sylvan Goldman? Only the man credited with inventing the single most important invention in retail. The Humpty Dumpty store owner in Oklahoma City noticed his customers shlepping around goods in small bags, baskets or their hands. Shlepping, while good for checking things out, is not good for checking out large cargos of merchandise. So the ingenious Goldman converted folding chairs, mounted them on wheels and introduced the first viable — shopping cart, in 1937! Ah, but at first, he miscalculated. It seems the male of the day didn't mind the shlep, while the women had "enough already" pushing baby carriages. So, the clever Goldman hired fake shoppers – with carts – to get the trend going. Shopping (and spending) went from handfuls to cartfuls (to gold cards)! Goldman's cart was put on display at the Smithsonian.

AMERICA GOES KOSHER
The "Kosherization" of America started in the 1960s when several Jewish companies began advertisingbegan advertising to a mass audience. Hebrew National hot dogs introduced their famous "We answer to a higher authority" campaign, designed to reach all Americans by symbolizing superior quality. But fewer ads were more memorable than Levy's rye bread! Their slogan, "You don't have to be Jewish to like Levy's" also featured a rye-munching Indian chief and, among others, an Irish cop. Add a Soldier, a Construction Worker, a Cowboy, and a Biker, and voila! A new song, "YMHA" could be their jingle!

"Dear God ..."
Hundreds of people a year write prayers and difficulties – and mail them – to, you guessed it -- God. The address? "God, Jerusalem, Israel." So where does the mail go? Does God get them? Let us hope. But it's a trip. First they go to the Israeli Post Office's Dead Letters Department, then each letter, collected in a velvet bag, is posted into a crack in the Western Wall. Perhaps more importantly, does God answer all the letters? Of course he does – but if people want faster service, it wouldn't hurt to include a self addressed stamped envelope.

About the Author

Quirky, no-nonsense, funny, Marnie – writer, editor, author, lecturer, clinician, and administrator -- is a straight-shooter, who has a distinctive voice and takes on the world in her columns, features, and books. Her advice column was syndicated through Tribune Media Services, and it currently appears in Singular magazine as Singular Solutions. Marnie has written over 20 books/calendars, including the series “A Little Joy, A Little Oy." Her books include Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother and A Little Joy, A Little Oy (pub. AndrewsMcMeel). She is also an award-winning “calendar queen” having written over 20. She has been nominated for both an Emmy and Writers Guild award.Thefullwiki.org has listed Marnie Macauley on their list of top Jewish_American writers, dead or living. (She’s still deciding which.) She was also chosen as a Distinguished Woman in Las Vegas in March of 2014.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 2

(2)
Anonymous,
June 21, 2008 9:01 AM

brilliant commentary

Marnie writes from the heart and the "neshama". She weaves a tapestry with words, and never runs out of "golden thread"

(1)
rabbi ben lefkowitz,
May 22, 2008 2:14 PM

jewlarious is, well, jewlarious, and i love it. i am in constant need of material anyway, and this is a never-ending font. as it is, i have great admiration not only for for ms. winston-macauley''s humor, but for her warmth and erudition and love of yiddishkeit. i have on numerous occasions shared her materials with my congregation (and others), whether it be from jewlarious, or "a little joy, a little oy," or from "yiddishe mamas." ms. winston-macauley''s work is a treasure in every way.

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My Christian friends are always speaking about “faith.” To me this sounds a lot like blind faith. Is that really the essence of religion?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I'm afraid that this is another case of a Christian concept being mis-associated with Judaism.

Let's first define our terms. What is faith?

Webster defines faith as "Belief without proof."

What is knowledge? "An acquaintance with truth, facts or principles through study or investigation."

Faith is usually a product of desire. Have you ever gotten a tip on the market that guarantees you're going to triple your money in a month? A lot of smart people have gotten fleeced because they ignored the evidence and went with their feelings.

Knowledge, on the other hand, is based on evidence. We know there's a place called China because we have too many products in our house saying "made in China." There's a lot of evidence for the existence of China, even though most of us have never been there.

Judaism unequivocally comes down on the side of knowledge, not faith. In Deuteronomy 4:39, the Torah says: "You shall know this day, and understand it well in your heart, that the Almighty is God; in the heaven above and the earth below, there is none other." (This verse is also contained in the prayer, "Aleynu.")

This verse tells us that it is not enough to simply know in your head, intellectually, that God is the Controller of everything. You must know it in your heart! This knowledge is much more profound than an intellectual knowledge. God gave us a brain because he wants us to think rationally about the world, our role in it, and our relationship with God.

A conviction based on desire or feelings alone has no place in Judaism. The Hebrew word "emunah," which is often translated as faith, does not describe a conviction based on feelings or desire. It describes a conviction that is based on evidence.

Once this knowledge is internalized, it effects how a person lives. A person with this knowledge could transform every breathing moment into a mitzvah, for he would do everything for the sake of the heaven. But this is not a "knowledge," that comes easily. Only intensive Torah learning and doing mitzvahs can achieve this knowledge. Every word of Torah we learn moves us just a little bit closer to that goal. And everyone is capable of that.

To learn more, read "The Knowing Heart," by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto (Feldheim.com). This entire book is an explanation of this verse!

In 350 BCE, the building of the second Holy Temple was completed in Jerusalem, as recorded in the biblical Book of Ezra (6:15). The re-building of the Temple had begun under Cyrus when the Persians first took over the Babylonian empire. The re-building was then interrupted for 18 years, and resumed with the blessing of Darius II, the Persian king whom is said to be the son of Esther. The Second Temple lacked much of the glory of the First Temple: There was no Ark of the Covenant, and the daily miracles and prophets were no longer part of the scenery. The Second Temple would stand for 420 years, before being destroyed by the Romans in 70 CE.

You shall know this day and consider it within your heart(Deuteronomy 4:39).

Business people who are involved in many transactions employ accountants to analyze their operations and to determine whether or not they are profitable. They may also seek the help of experts to determine which products are making money and which are losing. Such studies allow them to maximize their profits and minimize their losses. Without such data, they might be doing a great deal of business, but discover at the end of the year that their expenditures exceeded their earnings.

Sensible people give at least as much thought to the quality and achievement of their lives as they do to their businesses. Each asks himself, "Where am I going with my life? What am I doing that is of value? In what ways am I gaining and improving? And which practices should I increase, and which should I eliminate?"

Few people make such reckonings. Many of those that do, do so on their own, without consulting an expert's opinion. These same people would not think of being their own business analysts and accountants, and they readily pay large sums of money to engage highly qualified experts in these fields.

Jewish ethical works urge us to regularly undergo cheshbon hanefesh, a personal accounting. We would be foolish to approach this accounting of our very lives with any less seriousness than we do our business affairs. We should seek out the "spiritual C.P.A.s," those who have expertise in spiritual guidance, to help us in our analyses.

Today I shall...

look for competent guidance in doing a personal moral inventory and in planning my future.

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