Monday, November 16, 2009

I know it's been forever. We're all pretty used to me slacking on the blog front though, so I expect no one was holding their breath.

For those who didn't already know, I resigned from my position in Cape Dorset. It makes me sad even thinking about it, but a decision had to be made, and for personal and health reasons, I am back in the hot hot south. Except it's not really hot hot. I guess it is November though.

I can't even begin to tell you all how amazing my Nunavut experience was for me. The people I met and the places I visited will stay with me for the rest of my life. I sincerely hope that the friends I made will stay in my life. I hope that someday I have the chance to go back and maybe work there again.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

A friend asked me the other day what I would do with all my money if I were super rich. After, of course, the trips and the shopping, the houses and cars. After aaaallll the regular “this is what I would buy” shit. After you own everything you have ever wanted, and seen every place you have ever wanted to see. Then what? What would occupy your time? This is, of course, assuming that you have an endless supply of money leftover.

Anyone who read my previous, pre-angry-deletion blog knows that I want to open a library in Cape Dorset. But, if I had this abundance of money, I would open libraries everywhere. I would go to small communities that are relatively developed, but are still lacking this ever important sanctuary, and plan them and open them. Yep. I would be involved in every part of it. The community relations, the building design, the hiring, all of it. In every corner of the world.

So this was no surprise to him, and he asked, what then? What then?? As if this wasn’t enough? I guess he had a point though, after the libraries have opened, they’re running smoothly, there are wonderful employees, and children and adults around the globe have been given the opportunity to escape into the magical world of words… they don’t need me anymore. The more I’ve thought about it since then, the more I would want to do.

By nature, I am a rather selfish person. I think most of us are. I mean sure, I’m as empathetic as the next woman, and I would give someone the shirt off my back if they needed it, but the causes I really put my heart and soul into are the ones that are personal.

The library thing? That’s totally personal. I love to read, it’s my passion. I think that everyone everywhere should have the opportunity to find this joy. If they have it, and choose not to utilize it, that’s one thing, but to not even have that chance? That hurts my heart.

So I got to thinking about my ‘what then’. Obviously, being the selfish bitch that I am, I ran through, in my head, all of the things that are important to me. What things do I believe every person, no matter their station or class or credit rating, should have?

A place without fear.

A haven; away from the terror of being hurt by the one that is supposed to protect you. Not just a bed in a shelter, but a place that a woman and their children can go to learn to feel human again. Wanted. Safe. Where they have the opportunity to learn skills so that they can become independent and make their lives better. Where they can learn that no matter what was said and done to them in the past, they can forgive, move on, and live their lives. Where they can be surrounded by other woman who are powerful, and confident and strong. Women who were just like them once.

A place where they can learn that there is such thing as love without pain.

So there, Dear Readers, you have just been given a very small peek inside me; into what makes me tick. Shhh, don’t tell.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I have itchy feet. Lately I have found myself thinking about every trip I have ever wanted to take, and every course or program I have ever been interested in, every language I have ever wanted to know. I don’t know if this is simply because I have been home for a few weeks now and I am starting to get bored. Writing lists, costing stuff out, planning, daydreaming….

I haven’t been a lot of places in my life. I have been lucky enough to visit many places in Canada, mostly obscure, small places that most people will never have the opportunity to see, and I am thankful for that. But other than Canada, I have only been to a handful of places in the US, and never further than that. I have never taken a ‘hot’ vacation, or traveled Europe. I have never seen the places where my ancestors lived.

Likewise, as far as school goes, I haven’t done much. I was bored as hell in High School, and never had designs on University or College. I was happy to go to trade school, knowing exactly what I wanted to do with my life. After that didn’t pan out, I had no choice but to work, to support myself and my family. Now, especially with the array of choices with Distance Education and online learning, there are more and more programs I want to take. Some of these relate to the job I have, many don’t.

I guess the sudden fascination with wanting to learn a bunch of new languages makes sense. I am constantly surrounded by other languages. Inuktitut, the first language here, is far more widely spoken than English, and I hate not knowing it. Not because I want to know what everyone else is saying, but because I feel that if you are going to live somewhere, you should be able to speak the native language of the people and place. But you hear other languages here too. French is one that I have always wanted to know more of. After all, with a name like Desiree Lapierre, you get a certain ‘look’ when you tell people that you can’t speak French. It’s embarrassing. Add that to the fact that my daughter is in French Immersion and can speak a second language better than I can, and yes, it’s time to learn. And while we’re at it, let’s throw some Spanish in there. And German, which at one point I could speak.

As busy as I usually am with work, and as much traveling as I have been doing since I arrived in Nunavut, at 5pm my day ends and there is not much going on. I read a lot, but I can do that anytime. I don’t have cable or internet or phone, as I see these as almost an invasion on my quiet, simple, after-hours life. Besides, I have more than enough of my fill of this stuff at work or on duty-travel.

I don’t have much of a social life here, which is also a big change from down south, where there was always somewhere to go, someone to visit, something going on. Not to say that I don’t have a few friends, but things are just quieter here; slower.

The fact that I am single and alone also plays a big role. There is all of a sudden no one to cook for, no one to wake up in the morning, or take to the library on Saturdays, or any of those regular things that take up your time and are just a natural part of family life.

I have itchy feet. Lately I have found myself thinking about every trip I have ever wanted to take, and every course or program I have ever been interested in, every language I have ever wanted to know. I don’t know if this is simply because I have been home for a few weeks now and I am starting to get bored. Writing lists, costing stuff out, planning, daydreaming….

I haven’t been a lot of places in my life. I have been lucky enough to visit many places in Canada, mostly obscure, small places that most people will never have the opportunity to see, and I am thankful for that. But other than Canada, I have only been to a handful of places in the US, and never further than that. I have never taken a ‘hot’ vacation, or traveled Europe. I have never seen the places where my ancestors lived.

Likewise, as far as school goes, I haven’t done much. I was bored as hell in High School, and never had designs on University or College. I was happy to go to trade school, knowing exactly what I wanted to do with my life. After that didn’t pan out, I had no choice but to work, to support myself and my family. Now, especially with the array of choices with Distance Education and online learning, there are more and more programs I want to take. Some of these relate to the job I have, many don’t.

I guess the sudden fascination with wanting to learn a bunch of new languages makes sense. I am constantly surrounded by other languages. Inuktitut, the first language here, is far more widely spoken than English, and I hate not knowing it. Not because I want to know what everyone else is saying, but because I feel that if you are going to live somewhere, you should be able to speak the native language of the people and place. But you hear other languages here too. French is one that I have always wanted to know more of. After all, with a name like Desiree Lapierre, you get a certain ‘look’ when you tell people that you can’t speak French. It’s embarrassing. Add that to the fact that my daughter is in French Immersion and can speak a second language better than I can, and yes, it’s time to learn. And while we’re at it, let’s throw some Spanish in there. And German, which at one point I could speak.

As busy as I usually am with work, and as much traveling as I have been doing since I arrived in Nunavut, at 5pm my day ends and there is not much going on. I read a lot, but I can do that anytime. I don’t have cable or internet or phone, as I see these as almost an invasion on my quiet, simple, after-hours life. Besides, I have more than enough of my fill of this stuff at work or on duty-travel.

I don’t have much of a social life here, which is also a big change from down south, where there was always somewhere to go, someone to visit, something going on. Not to say that I don’t have a few friends, but things are just quieter here; slower.

The fact that I am single and alone also plays a big role. There is all of a sudden no one to cook for, no one to wake up in the morning, or take to the library on Saturdays, or any of those regular things that take up your time and are just a natural part of family life.

Monday, August 24, 2009

My dream man. I have been creating, re-creating, and fantasizing about him since before I could remember. Sometimes he has had a face. On a rare occasion that face belongs to someone I knew. And once in a dark blue moon, that someone I know turns out to be someone I am in a relationship with. Unfortunately, every time this has been the case, the dream has turned into a nightmare.

We, as women, spend a lot of time obsessing over men and relationships. Wondering why we end up dating the same man, having the same fights, crying the same heartbroken tears when it ends. It doesn’t matter how many faces he has, he has but one name. Mr. Wrong.

Over and over again, we compromise our wants, our needs, ourselves, in an attempt to just get into the relationship that we wind up portraying a false image. We believe that giving the impression of ‘baggage’, or imperfection will scare off anyone worth keeping, and so from childhood we begin to put on a front. We don’t want to let anyone in, to see the true us because, god forbid, what if they don’t like us?

Well come on, who gives a shit if they don’t? If they don’t like who we truly are at the beginning, they are not going to like us any more a year from then when the real woman starts to emerge from her hiding place.

So let’s stop kidding ourselves. We aren’t talking about a job interview for a bartending position here, where you can charm your way in and hope you learn the rest as you go. You have to know who you are, and know what you are looking for. Know what kind of qualities in a man are a must, know which ones you cannot live with, and be brutally honest right from the get go. What you are willing to put into a relationship, and what you are expecting in return.

Me, for example. I am terrible with money, I hate cleaning, I am a workaholic, and I have a bit of a sordid past. Those are my negatives. On the plus side, I am intelligent, attractive, and funny. I earn a good living, I am very passionate, and I genuinely love to cook. I know what my short term and long term goals are. I know where I see myself in a year, 5 years, 10.

I will not settle. I will not tell myself that I would rather be in an unsuccessful relationship than be alone. I will not allow myself to be abused; physically, emotionally or financially, ever again in my life. I am French, therefore I am…. ‘spicy’. Sometimes I love a good shouting match. I like to debate and be challenged, however there is a difference between being challenged and being made to feel inadequate or stupid. That is unacceptable.

I want an ‘opposite’. I want a man who is good at the things that I am not, so that we can compliment each other. Someone who is impeccably organized and who is very good with money. Someone who enjoys cleaning and isn’t a workaholic. I also want someone who can accept that my past is my past. It has made me who I am today, and although some of it is painful for me, I don’t want to be made to feel ashamed of it.

I want someone who thinks that I am beautiful, whether I look good or not. Someone who wants to hold my hand when we walk down the street or just when we’re sitting on the couch. I want a man who treats his family with respect, and mine as well, and who will always back me up in public, even if I am wrong. I want a gentleman with a bad boy image. He should be confident and assertive, considerate, trustworthy, compassionate and romantic. He should intelligent and real and genuinely good. He should make my knees weak when he kisses me. Being with him should make me want to be a better person.

I remember seeing this movie once, Practical Magic, and the character played by Sandra Bullock is remembering back to her childhood. In order to not fall in love, she imagines up a soul mate who can’t possibly exist. She instills characteristics in him that she believes cannot possibly exist in a real person. As I read over the words I have written above, I wonder if I am unconsciously doing the same thing. Dreaming up a man who would never exist, in order to save myself from the pain of another man who somewhere deep down I believe would only hurt me.

So on second thought, I think I’ll stay alone – at least then I know exactly what I’m getting!!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Last night I was invited out boating, and I must say, it was fantastic. My very first time out on the ocean, the weather was nice and the company was good.

It’s hard to believe that we’re almost halfway through the summer. Mostly because I have yet to really experience any summer-type weather/ activities/ sunsets, other than the one boat trip.

In all fairness, it seems that my idea of summer involves sundresses, strappy heels, booze infested patios, barbeques, beaches, and night-time campfires at the cottage/ trailer/ backyard tent. None of which I have had the pleasure of experiencing Nunavut-style.

I have done the heels, though am not near brave enough to risk strappy, the mosquitoes would be quick to ensure I would regret that. They, in fact, hinder a lot of summer activities. Well, them and the barely spring-like temperatures that have only recently begun to warm.

I am also at a disadvantage in that I am not really home enough to participate in many of the activities that others go out on, and when I am, I am usually recovering from the last trip or preparing for the next. I don’t know enough people IN the communities that I am traveling to to force my company on them when they are going out fishing or on the land.

That being said, I have tried to get out as often as possible while traveling to take pictures, and I have been fortunate enough to get some beautiful ones. (Again, not posted on here because of the uber-slow upload speeds!)

I tell ya though, I would almost cut off a finger to go spend a month on a beach; cold margarita in one hand and a good looking pool boy in the other! ; )

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

It's been awhile! I figure that few enough people read this that no one really notices if I go awol for a month or two, but it turns out that a good friend from back home has actually been checking it out. Shout out to Gun'r!! Lol, look at that darling, yer in print. Kind of...

Although I have very clearly stated that I won't talking about work, I will say that I have been crazy friggen busy the last bit, which is why I've been slacking on the blog front.

Let's see, where were we when we last chatted... ah that's right, we were heading to Qiliqtarjuaq. Believe it or not, I can say it 10 times fast, and I can even properly pronounce it!

And it was fabulous (insert note - fabulous is my very favoritist word, expect to see it a lot). I had, sadly, heard some rather disparaging things about this very small community, and I am glad to inform all of you that they were completely incorrect. It was very picturesque, and to be honest, the cleanest community I have seen in all the north, even before spring clean up!!

The people, both local and southern, that I met treated me wonderfully and I would've liked to have been in there longer.

This was also where I got to experience my first taste of northern fog, and it was like nothing I have ever seen in my life. 'London fog' has nothing on Nunavut!! It sits on the ground or the water like a solid object. Although hugely inconvenient for travel purposes, it is startlingly beautiful.

What renderred me speechless though, was the plane ride in between Pangnirtung and Qikiqtarjuaq. It was the first and only time I have ever taken pictures from a plane, and god help me I couldn't stop!! In spite of my shitty, shitty camera, I got some beautiful shots. (Picked up 2 double a batteries in Qik for $9. Nice.)

I got to Iqaluit, and said fog trapped all of us Dorset-miut there for the next 4 days. Went out with a girlfriend for dinner and a drink (this is code for many, many drinks), and the last game of the playoffs, where we were fkn thrilled to watch Detroit get their asses kicked!! Filled the next few days w/ as many 'outtings' as possible, knowing that once I got home I was pretty much on house arrest. Other than Saturday night poker, I don't get out much...

AND..... I bought a new camera!! Nothing super fantastic, but it's what I was looking for, and was nestled comfortably into my price range. Yay!! I will post some pics, but I will let everyone know now that I am NOT a photographer, so keep all expectations to a minimum!!

I managed to get home for about 6 days (and one grand night of poker!), and then headed out for the marathon tour... booked 5 communities and 19 days of travel.

Sounds like a lot (shit, it IS a lot), but it actually takes less time to do it this way then coming back home after each. The school year here runs on a bit of a different schedule, and conventiently for my (un-named) job, a lot of people clear out in the summer, making it easier for me to do my thing.

First was a quick jaunt to Hall Beach, which was crazy warm!! (insert note - this means it was around 5 degrees and I braved a smoke or two with no coat on; I am truly a rebel.)

Next was a jump over to Igloolik. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I friggen love this place. First of all, it's called Igloolik. Yep. Spoken like it's written; ig-loo-lick. Nice.

Then there are the people. The people are fabulous (Terry, who is the Foreman at the LHO, is also great. I was invited over for 'coffee' on Friday night to meet his wife and play some Canasta, which I had never heard of but is quite fun! We had a fabulous night, and did brunch and cards on Sunday too. His lovely wife Michelle and I went out on Canada Day and we had some great bonding time over a windy trip on the four-wheeler and a nice fire.

Really, I could go on and on. I'll condense and just tell you that I love going there, and can't wait to go back.

Off to Pond Inlet, which is where I am now. Beautiful community, and one of the bigger ones up here. The new hotel isn't done yet, unfortunately, but there are some great people here so that makes up for it!!

Next is Clyde River and then home sweet home for a few more days and (hopefully) another poker game before I head out again.

Now that all of that is over with, back to me!! As I am sure I have mentioned before, it is all about me after all!!

As I am sure many folk up here can relate to, I seem to have an abundance of ‘spare time’ on my hands. In fact, I imagine that I actually have a bit more than others, as I don’t have cable, internet, or a phone line at home. (Before I get accosted as to a)how I can possibly be so primitive , or b)where in the hell I am posting these from, I have all of these amenities in the hotels that I spend a good portion of my time in.)

I read. A lot. In fact, more than anyone I know. You’ll remember from a previous post that if I could get paid to read, I would have my dream job.

I also do some craft type stuff. I crochet, I cross-stitch, I dabble in drawing and photography. Really though, other than my job, I have no life at all. *sniff*.

So, I have decided to do something about that. I just haven’t decided what yet. But here’s how I see it; I plan on staying in the north until I retire. Yes, I said retire. This, by my calculations, should be by the ripe young age of 45, leaving me more than enough time to enjoy the spoils of my labour. Since I will be staying, I will be building. (if you build it, they will come, right? maybe this means someone will finally come visit me??) As the cost of building anything in Nunavut is enough to make you get sick a little bit in your mouth, I may as well find a hobby that I can make some money off of. After all, a business license is cheap enough, and I have to have some talent, albeit obviously very, very hidden.

I’ve been contemplating what I might like to try my hand at. It has to be something that I can do from anywhere, as I am on the road so often. Also something that I will stick with; I have a notoriously short attention span when it comes to anything other than books. Something that requires no artistic talent, which I certainly don’t have enough of to be paid for. And something that requires no capital. Hah! This should be easy!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I've been thinking about this question a lot lately; how I responded to it as a child, and wondering if it's a normal query of yourself when nearing 30.

Thinking back to the early years of Des...

My mum tells me my first response to this was a fire-truck. Yep. Not the fire(wo)man, but the truck itself. As I grew, I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. I didn't know why, other than it sounded fancy and important.

My mum however, tried with all her might to convince me I wanted to be an orthodontist. I think that was after she realized how much it was going to cost to keep me in braces for 2 years...

One thing I distinctly remember thinking, from the fire-truck age, was that I always knew I wanted to be the boss of me.By about midway through high school, I knew what I wanted to do. I had dreams of a uber chic, high end getaway spa, catering to very wealthy women who needed a few days away from the chaos of life. I know, it doesn't sound like much of a dream to most, but it was mine.

At the ripe age of 18, I began hairstyling and esthetics school, thinking that this would be the best way to get into the industry. Unfortunately, lifelong back problems and severe medical concerns with my hands rendered me unable to continue in a trade I had quickly come to love.

So, from there I kind of fell into a series of different jobs, some of which I loved, some that were just bringing in a paycheque, most of which brought wonderful people into my life, and all of which taught me something about the world, and about those in it; but most of all about myself.

A few years ago, after being laid off from a much loved position in the automotive field, and somehow ended up getting into Property Management. The people that I have met in this industry have become my best friends, my mentors, my family.

And so now I ask myself: is this what I want to do when I grow up?

If you could do anything in the world and get paid for it, what would it be? Would you watch TV? Travel? Write? Play video games? Me, I'd read. If someone would pay me to read, I would be the happiest woman around. Unfortunately, I am not quite sure how to get out into that exclusive literary field.

So I think that yes, this is what I am going to do. It's a field I love, it's new every day, and it's never dull.

And then, when I retire disgustingly young, I will buy me a few hundred acres, find all my animals (2 horses, 2 cows, 2 pigs, 2 goats, 2 chickens... you get the idea), own far too many toys, open my little country bar, and grow old teaching line dancing lessons in my cute little cowboy boots. Most importantly, I will be the boss of me.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

This is the second time I've been to Pangnirtung, and any of you who read my now-deleted blog, know that I fell in love with both the community and the French chef at the Lodge. Yep, I heart Louis, and I don't care if the whole world knows it. Any man who cares that much about my food is all good in my books!!

This time though, I met even more people, and that really is the best part of being in any of the communities. Anyone who knows me will tell you how very much I love to talk, and there is never a shortage of people here who share that passion!

This trip, in addition to getting to know one of the gentlemen from Dorset, I also shared stories with several wonderful teachers, an amazing photographer, a quirky nurse, a dentist and his assistant son, and a jail guard.

Although I have done a lot of walking this trip, the stupid battery in my stupid camera have died. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to take any pics. *le sigh*

I am off again in the morning, this time to Qikiqtarjuaq (say it 10 times fast...), and will hopefully have new batteries for the trip. Hehehe...

Monday, June 8, 2009

A couple weeks ago, I received some rather disappointing news regarding a singular pathetic reader of my blog, and deleted the entire thing in a moment of displaced rage. Tonight, after a completely unrelated conversation, I am back, and although I have a few ‘choice’ statements regarding that person in particular, they will not be made here.

But here is my disclaimer.

Although I am a ‘public servant’, that does not separate me from being human, a woman, a pioneer, or a… well…. Bitch. This is me, so suck it up.

That being said, this blog will not contain any direct reference to my job, my company, or my peers without their consent.

It WILL contain reference to my life, my travels, my home, my friends, my hopes, dreams, family, wants, needs, angers, pleasures, and yes, my opinions. Believe it or not, whether or not everyone shares my opinions, or anything else named here, is of no concern or consequence to me. Remember, I did mention up there somewhere that I am a bitch. You have a problem with that? Heh, here’s a quarter.

me me me me me me me me me...

I'm a Sagittarius, a monkey, and a gypsy. I've lived all over Canada, and now call Nunavut home.
I love deeply, and quickly. I love my family, my friends, and try too hard to please everyone. I've made plenty of mistakes, have seen and been through more than most 40 year olds, and still believe that I am a good person at heart.
There are a few people that I wish that I could go back in time and make things right with... people that were very close to me, and then for whatever (mostly unimportant) reasons, I am not close with anymore. Some of my best times were with those people.
I have been hurt many times, mostly by people who I care the most about.... I guess if I hadn't cared about them, things wouldn't have hurt as badly.
They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.... I don't feel that strong, perhaps I'm dead already...