Im kinely fraid I mite loose sum my queer fans far this HISI, but I warn this heffer... more »

Im kinely fraid I mite loose sum my queer fans far this HISI, but I warn this heffer not to try an upstage me on my show. Maybe is all them whoremones bitch gotta take ta shrink up her pecker en ets why she meen. Word to wise, cracktrannys cayunts tell the differnce tween reel munny & play munny so if yew broke an feelin freeky, go get you sum!
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BOTH: Hey!
LORETTA: I’m Loretta Jenkins and this week's
How I Seize It I got me a really special guest
to help drive my point home.
Ya’ll, I want y'all to all meet my brand new
best friend gal pal drankin' buddy, Summer.
SAMOA: It’s Samoa.
You know, like the girl scout cookie.
(laughs)
LORETTA: Oh shit, gal. You so funny.
Don’t you steal my thunder bein' sexy
or I will jeck you in the neck.
Anyways, Samoa here. She a-
She one of them..
Now, I think I can go on record here now
and say that she one of you know...
Them folks...
She a hooker!
She here to tell us how we can all be more
political correct when we talkin’
about the whore community.
SAMOA: I prefer the term prostitute.
LORETTA: Well, I don't really give a fuck
cause it ain’t your show.
SAMOA: Or lady of the evening.
LORETTA: Oh fuck. I was goin' to the liquor store
at 9 o’clock in the mornin'
when I seen you blowin’ the mayor.
Don’t gimme that lady of the evenin' bullshits.
SAMOA: Well, it was evening somewhere.
(screams)
LORETTA: Look, syphilis might make you deaf,
I don't rightly know cause I ain't never let ten dudes
fuck me within a 24 hour period
except for that one time in middle school,
but there is only room for one sexy bitch on HISI
and it ain't you!
SAMOA: Ow! Okay!
But you didn't ask me to come here
and talk about my job.
LORETTA: Well, what the fuck you here for?
SAMOA: You invited to come here to talk
about gender identity!
LORETTA: What the fuck is that?
SAMOA: A transgendered or transperson is someone
whose gender doesn't match their ‘birth-genitalia,’
either before or after an SRS.
LORETTA: Y'all gots Sars?
SAMOA: No!
That stands for Sexual Reassignment Surgery.
You know, choppin' down the tree
and splittin' the stump?
That is ‘transitioning.’
LORETTA: Now why would you want to throw way
a perfect good penis?
Ooooh! I know.
It's like organ donation where you like give them
to lesbians that wanna be dudes?
SAMOA: Yeah. There’s a fundraiser every year.
LORETTA: Oh I get it, so you a tranny!
SAMOA: The ‘T word,’ is an offensive,
derogatory term to trans people.
LORETTA: Oh, kinda like how you can’t say retarded no more?
SAMOA: Exactly.
LORETTA: Yeah, that’s retarded.
Course you did just remind me
to go get my transmission fixed, so thanky for that,
but you know really I need to ask you some questions.
Um, what is a transvestite?
SAMOA: That’s when a heterosexual man who puts on
women’s underwear to get his rocks off.
LORETTA: Alright, so what’s a cross dresser?
SAMOA: That’s when somebody who wears clothing
of the opposite gender as a lifestyle.
LORETTA: Oh, one of them...
SAMOA: Second hand smoke kills.
LORETTA: Hopefully you.
Oh so, you mean, like...like a drag queen?
SAMOA: A drag queen is a queer boy
that puts on women's clothing because he believes
he is a Christmas ornament.
LORETTA: What in the fuck are you talkin’ about?
SAMOA: Listen, I’m going to tell you like my Momma told me.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck,
talks like a duck, and thinks like a duck.
It’s a goddamn mother fuckin' duck.
LORETTA: You a duck?
SAMOA: Only on Tuesdays.
LORETTA: I'm sorry.
I dranks and get drunk alot and I forget shit.
Anyways... Okay, alright.
Hey everybody!
Welcome Samoa who is gonna talk to us today
about why she a duck.
LORETTA: Ewww! Ewww! No, I hates Vienna Sausages.
SAMOA: Well they're not for you.
They’re for Tweeky.
LORETTA: Who's that?
SAMOA: This is my dog, Tweeky.
LORETTA: I think your dog got Parkinson's.
SAMOA: She got ahold of one of my crack rocks
the other day and she's been like this ever since.
I tried to give her a Valium and a Xanax
but that just seem to make it worse.
LORETTA: They oughta be a law against
tranny hookers havin' a dog.
SAMOA: I’m gonna go. You’re hostile.
LORETTA: Hey! You still got your Frank-N-Beans?
SAMOA: Why you want me ta fuck you?
LORETTA: Ca- Can you? I mean, is that possible?
It works?
SAMOA: Yeah, for fifty bucks.
LORETTA: I got a Valium and a couple of Coors Lights.
SAMOA: Here. I’ll let you touch it.
LORETTA: Hey! You give me five minutes
and I’ll be right back to let you know everything
you ever wanted to know about gender identity,
once I identify this bitch's gendricles.
And that’s How I Seize It.