How to Find a Mate

By Murphy International’s Los Angeles Matchmaker Sherri Murphy

Finding a mate with whom to share one’s life continues to be one of the most important pursuits of adulthood. Male or female, gay or straight, it does not matter who we are, what we like or where we come from, we are all united in our search for the one person we feel was made specifically for us; our own perfect mate, with whom we can explore life and share ups and downs with, for better or for worse.

Sometimes finding a mate is as easy as letting life unfold; many people live through their routines, day by day, and eventually dating opportunities present themselves naturally. They may find a partner through their social circle, mutual friends or at their workplace. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. The truth is, finding a partner is not always an immediate and spontaneous process. At times, it may require more than just allowing life to “happen”.

There may be several reasons for feeling as though you are stuck and unable to find a proper mate. For example, you may have just recently ended a relationship and find yourself feeling emotionally drained. This is a common situation, and people experiencing this often feel a sense of dread, unable to envision themselves finding a new partner.

In this situation, the first thing to do is focus on loving yourself by engaging in activities that lift your morale. Most of the time, people who are depressed and experiencing fear of moving on with their lives, struggle with opening up to a potential new mate because of shame. They are unhappy with who they are, how they look and how they present themselves. Sadly, they feel as though they are unworthy of love.

Being single can be difficult for many adults. Sure, when you are young there may be a myriad of reasons to enjoy the freedom of a single life. However, the older you get, the more you start to feel the need for something more than just a casual, meaningless relationship. At some point in life, most everyone finds themselves wanting a real life partner.

Begin by being proactive about your own happiness. Take control of the situation. Exercise, eat better, get out and see old friends…Take positive steps to feel better, look better and be more confident. Stop telling yourself that you are not worthy of love. These thoughts lead to negative behavioral patterns. Remind yourself that everyone is entitled to the happiness and joy that accompanies finding a life partner.

Maintaining a positive mindset is only half the battle when finding your perfect mate. Remember that motivation and commitment are also crucial if you are seeking a lasting relationship. If you are looking to get serious, just get serious! Unfortunately, so many singles complain that they can’t find a mate, but when presented with a serious contender, they find themselves sabotaging the relationship with unnecessary drama. Of course, this is followed by regret…So, instead of spending time blaming yourself and imagining a life together that won’t ever happen, do it right the first time! Don’t stand in your own way. Give yourself the chance to find happiness. If you are truly set on the path to finding a proper mate for a lifetime, you have to commit and be serious about it!

So you think you have found “the one.” Now what? Remember that love is not just a feeling. According to the Journal of Psychology, finding a mate is a process that requires a combination of sensations and processes: it’s both something you think of rationally, along with what many describe as a gut feeling.

If you are a single man in Los Angeles or one of the many single women in NY looking for the right mate, the instinct of the heart should be paired up with the conscience of clear thinking. Would this person be worth having a relationship with? Many people make the terrible mistake of attaching feelings to partners who simply aren’t available for a long-term relationship. Such is the case in situations where one has a relationship with a married man or woman. These relationships (if you can call them that) often lead to nothing but hurt feelings and disappointment. Just because your heart may be leading you in a particular direction, don’t fail to think about the rationale of choosing a particular partner. We are creatures of emotions, but we are creatures of intellect, too. Therefore, we need to balance instinctiveness and thoughtfulness. Fuller, richer lives are experienced by those who allow their hearts and brains to have their say in equal doses. In the end if you find love that is all that matters. If you’d like to see who we feel would be a match for you, contact the Murphy International matchmakers. They will have a Los Angeles matchmaker contact you, or one of their staff from your area.