Category: loved

If you aren’t familiar with Maundy Thursday, it is the day that is internationally recognized in which Jesus Christ had the Last Supper. Many people have heard of Jesus. His story is often shared on the celebration of Easter. Let’s celebrate together.

The Last Supper was the last meal Jesus ate before He was crucified by Pontius Pilate. It begin like any ordinary Passover meal that a Jew would celebrate, but rather than be confined to remnants of remembering how God passed over the Jews while trapped in Egypt (Exodus 12:1-28), Jesus become the Passover Lamb himself. Maundy Thursday is where the story begins to unfold.

If you aren’t familiar with this story, let me share a bit of it now.

“It was almost time for the Jewish Passover festival. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go back to the Father. Jesus had always loved the people in the world who were his. Now was the time he showed them his love the most.

Jesus and his followers were at the evening meal. The devil had already persuaded Judas Iscariot to hand Jesus over to his enemies. (Judas was the son of Simon.)The Father had given Jesus power over everything. Jesus knew this. He also knew that he had come from God. And he knew that he was going back to God.So while they were eating, Jesus stood up and took off his robe. He got a towel and wrapped it around his waist.Then he poured water into a bowl and began to wash the followers’ feet.He dried their feet with the towel that was wrapped around his waist.

He came to Simon Peter. But Peter said to him, “Lord, you should not wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “You don’t know what I am doing now. But later you will understand.”

Peter said, “No! You will never wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “If I don’t wash your feet, you are not one of my people.”

Jesus said, “After a person has a bath, his whole body is clean. He needs only to wash his feet. And you are clean, but not all of you.”Jesus knew who would hand him over to his enemies. That is why he said, “Not all of you are clean.”

When Jesus finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and went back to the table. He asked, “Do you understand what I did for you?You call me ‘Teacher.’ And you call me ‘Lord.’ And this is right, because that is what I am.I am your Lord and Teacher. But I washed your feet. So you also should wash each other’s feet.I did this as an example for you. So you should serve each other just as I served you.Believe me, servants are not greater than their master. Those who are sent to do something are not greater than the one who sent them. If you know these things, great blessings will be yours if you do them.

“I am not talking about all of you. I know the people I have chosen. But what the Scriptures say must happen: ‘The man who shared my food has turned against me.’I am telling you this now before it happens. Then when it happens, you will believe that I Am.I assure you, whoever accepts the person I send also accepts me. And whoever accepts me also accepts the one who sent me.”

After Jesus said these things, he felt very troubled. He said openly, “Believe me when I say that one of you will hand me over to my enemies.”

His followers all looked at each other. They did not understand who Jesus was talking about.One of the followers was next to Jesus and was leaning close to him. This was the one Jesus loved very much.Simon Peter made signs to this follower to ask Jesus who he was talking about.

That follower leaned closer to Jesus and asked, “Lord, who is it?”

Jesus answered him, “I will dip this bread into the dish. The man I give it to is the one.” So Jesus took a piece of bread, dipped it, and gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon.When Judas took the bread, Satan entered him. Jesus said to Judas, “What you will do—do it quickly!”No one at the table understood why Jesus said this to Judas.Since Judas was the one in charge of the money, some of them thought that Jesus meant for him to go and buy some things they needed for the feast. Or they thought that Jesus wanted him to go give something to the poor.

Judas ate the bread Jesus gave him. Then he immediately went out. It was night.

When Judas was gone, Jesus said, “Now is the time for the Son of Man to receive his glory. And God will receive glory through him.If God receives glory through him, he will give glory to the Son through himself. And that will happen very soon.”

Jesus said, “My children, I will be with you only a short time more. You will look for me, but I tell you now what I told the Jewish leaders: Where I am going you cannot come.

“I give you a new command: Love each other. You must love each other just as I loved you.All people will know that you are my followers if you love each other.” (John 13:1-35)

What wonderful imagery of the telling the story of Jesus’s final hours with those He loved. They were sharing the Passover meal together. While they were eating Jesus got up and began to wash their feet. Picture this if you can – 12 men gathered around a table, reclining, sharing a celebratory meal together. Laugher. Joy. Passion. Jesus stops eating, gets up, wraps a towel around his waist and begins to wash their feet.

Wait, this isn’t the customary Passover meal!

In those moments Jesus became a servant and washed the dirtiest part of the human body. In ancient times wearing sandals was customary and the feet of those who entered a home were to be cleaned. Feet were extremely dirty. Yet here is Jesus choosing to pick up the towel and do the cleaning Himself – not just of one man, but to each and every one of the men who followed Him. Did you hear that? Jesus washed the feet of every single person there, including the one who was about to betray Him.

Jesus then goes on to teach, instructing His disciples to love and serve one another. Washing one another’s feet was a symbol of self sacrifice, service and love. Upon stressing the need to love one another, Jesus then shared that one of the twelve men with them now would betray Him.

Love. Betray.

Oh, how interconnected they are.

As Jesus says this murmurs fly up within the crowd, “is it I?” and “Surely not me Lord!” But Jesus holds nothing back and says that it is he who eats this bread that Jesus dips into the bowl – reaching out with bread in his hand – he gives it to his long time companion and follower, Judas.

Oh Judas.

Judas, the man Jesus had just washed His feet, the man Jesus instructed to love and serve one another – Judas leaves this Passover Meal to betray Jesus to the Pharisees. On this Maundy Thursday, take pause and remember – is Judas in you?

Many people could be sitting, professing to know Jesus and yet are far from Him in their lives. Perhaps you yourself have come to believe in Jesus and know His story but couldn’t find the faith or gather the trust to give yourself fully to Him. I don’t know your story. Yet, just like Jesus knew that Judas would betray Him before it happened. So too Jesus knows you, and, He knows me. Jesus Christ knows the hearts of people.

Only Jesus.

Not you, not me – no one can stand in judgement of what’s going on in your life right now – or what is going on in your heart – or even what is going on in the world right now. Only Jesus knows the hearts of men, and it’s to Him you talk to about it. Because even if you may have betrayed Him in some way in your life, He still loves you. He’s still get up from the table to wash your feet. He would still do it even knowing you may fail.

Why?

Because Jesus’ love is bigger and greater than anything on this earth. It’s beyond what we know or experience. It doesn’t reflect the heart of how we love as humans. All you have to do is look at our news or social media and see how much we have to learn to love like Jesus. The love that Jesus expressed in the washing of the feet, reflects the heart of God and it is deeper, wider, and higher than anything you can know (Ephesians 3:17-19) Only Jesus knowing Judas who was about to turn him in to the authorities to be crucified to die – only Jesus has the immeasurable grace that we all need.

Maundy Thursday was the beginning of revealing that love to mankind.

I pause and wonder, when we are confronted with people who betray us in our own lives, what do we do? In our relationships? In our families? In our homes? In our communities? When we hear people’s stories. When we read their social media status’. What do we do? What’s our gut impulse? Are we like Jesus? Do we offer to wash their feet? Do we listen rather than defend? Do we hear people’s hearts and offer love in spite of whatever you think you see.

These aren’t questions you need to answer for me. I know that Jesus who knew Judas’ heart also knows yours. Bring yourself before Him. Experience the Easter story in a personal way. Allow the good news of His love to sink in. Listen to your own heart, search it and see what is needs. Accept the free flowing forgiveness, mercy and grace that Easter represents. No matter who you are we all need more of this in our lives.

Because here’s the truth – I am a Judas.

I have walked away, scorned and willfully betrayed Jesus on many occasions. I am free to say that because I know it’s true. I don’t offer it in shame or despair. I speak from a heart full of freedom. There is no shame in the Maundy Thursday! It’s the beginning of an amazing story of God’s love poured out through Jesus Christ. Friends, even in our betrayal, our feet can get clean.

If you could sum me up with one word, it’s wayward. Synonyms for wayward are willful, headstrong, stubborn. Okay – that’s enough. Ouch. I don’t really want to sit and consider this truth recently revealed to me. It is too uncomfortable and too raw for me to see clearly right now. But there it is, just the same.

Don’t even try to tell me you don’t see it in me. Don’t try to talk me out of it. I know it’s true. The conviction of this truth was spoken by someone I trust and it’s rocked me to core. They didn’t quite say it like this, but man, God did. He hit me across the head and said, “Shelly, what are you doing?”

I have disguised this reality of who I am with acts of selfless service or moments of deep pain shared with intimate friends. My safety stayed in the story of who I am, but it also kept others at bay – at arms length. I don’t think I was trying to be manipulative or intending to lead others astray, but one’s heart does determine the actions that we choose, doesn’t it? Justify, wrestle and debate all you want – but there it is.

"But the bad things people say with their mouth come from the way they think. And that’s what can make people wrong. All these bad things begin in the mind: evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual sins, stealing, lying, and insulting people. These are the things that make people wrong. Eating without washing their hands will never make people unacceptable to God." Matthew 15:18-20 (ERV)

It’s not what we do that determines our acceptance to God, it’s what we think. What we meditate on. How we handle situations. The ways in which we really love one another. I can’t say it any other way, I need help.

I need help to love when my mind tells me not to. I need help to forgive when my heart tells me no. I need help to trust in the plan of God, rather than relying upon myself. My wayward, stubborn, forceful self.

I’ve tried for most of my life to control the pain that lies deeply in the recess of my heart and mind. I have done lots of inner work to grow. I have become more and more vulnerable and transparent about life. I yearn for intimacy and because I do, I am wayward. I lust, I long, I linger on thoughts that get in the way of my faithfulness to God.

I have found freedom but I haven’t found forgiveness.

I am still trying to earn my way. Working to change my thoughts. Change my behavior. Change my life. Change, change, change. I, I, I. Ugh! There’s my wayward self striving so hard to fix things that were never mine to fix in the first place. Rather than accepting the powerful truth to let go and have God handle the situation, I hold tightly with these hands so bound they choke my spirit.

God is the only one who knows someone else’s heart. It doesn’t matter what I see, my perception is skewed. God is the only one who can work in all things to bring about healing and hope. Not any new idea or thought I have. God is the one one who loves me more than I love myself. Yeah, love myself.

I see through my own brokenness – don’t you?

Do you find it difficult to love when you hurt so? Do you consider blaming others rather than looking in the mirror to your soul? Do you think you can handle it all yourself and that you don’t need anyone?

Don’t believe that lie – not for one minute. I need you, and friends, you need me. We are a people who need. Who want. Who long. Who desire. It’s the human condition. The question is, are you a kindred wayward soul like me, or are you a faithful and faith filled overcomer?

I admit there are times I am a faith filled overcomer. But not today, not tomorrow and not in the future. Not while I keep lying to myself. Self deception is the worst of all. We believe things about ourselves that are not true. Then we act upon them, digging ourselves deeper in layers of fear. Before we know it, we fool ourselves and life an unauthentic, unproductive and joyless life.

It ends, today.

Right now I admit, for all to see, read and hear, that I am a wayward, stubborn and self serving soul. My life has been upside down for so long, I don’t even recognize the right way up very often. I admit, I need help. My heart is so full of pain and insecurity, it’s difficult for me to hear positive, loving and kind words. I have turned from the rejection I fear will come – and try to nip it in the bud.

Self condemnation is a terrible place to live.

Don’t live there my friends – I know it well. It’s a lonely place to be. Give flight to your words and let them come. Speak the truth of where you are at. Confess whatever you might need to and walk this journey with me.

Let’s move into the direction of God’s love. Let’s ask Him to change our hearts and our minds. I don’t know how He will, but certainly know He can. He’s done it for me before, it’s time this wayward woman asked Him again.

Join me?

"Your word is like a lamp that guides my steps, a light that shows the path I should take." Psalm 119:105

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There is a place I know that speaks directly to my heart. A plot of land that’s covered with tiny cabins in the woods. I go to this place and leave every care at the gate. Somehow I can focus, or refocus, on what’s most important to me. Even if I am surrounded by wonderful friends, I seek out solace in the quiet wherever I can find it. Why?

In the quiet, God speaks.

Have you ever found yourself in a place where the sounds of life deafen your ears? You try to balance yourself, to listen as you grab ahold of the things that you think will keep you grounded. Straining to hear the slightest whisper of hope. Relief. Freedom. Searching for answers to questions that you don’t how you to ask.

No?

Well, it’s just me then. I’ve spent the last few years living in moments I will never be able to replay or even repay. There has been much, oh so much, to be thankful for, but there has also been so much pain. The sound of silence became an echo in my heart of the quiet voice of God. He spoke, but I didn’t always listen. I found myself worn out, burned out and seeking out hard answers to the questions that tumbled around in my heart.

I have been awash in grief for some time. Maybe you have too. We grieve for many reasons in life, loss doesn’t allude itself to only one source of pain. Loved ones, pets, jobs, homes, physical disabilities and mental capacities. So much of who we are and what we do can bring us such joy and – such pain.

We need hope.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the suffering and afflicted. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted, to announce liberty to captives, and to open the eyes of the blind.” Isaiah 61:1

Today, let’s be quiet, be still and meditate. Allow this verse to settle into your soul and come to know the One who spoke it, Jesus Christ. This is the good news and your good news – there is comfort and liberty when you call upon the name of Jesus.

I don’t know your story, I don’t know your pain – but Jesus does. Let Him speak. Find some quiet. Turn off the TV, the social media, the phone – walk away from whatever you are doing and bring yourself to a place of stillness. Feed your soul. Look to the One who is anointed by Almighty God to bring good news to the world, to your life and for your heart.

Not quick platitudes of prayer and offers to listen, but some real, deep, one on one time. Sigh. Can you feel that tension where intimacy calls you name? This past year my personal life has not afforded me much time to truly let down and recover . To take some time and let the calming peace wash over me. Oh no, not at all.

So, rather than wait for it to somehow magically appear. I made a decision that perhaps years ago I wouldn’t have. I took the time myself. I disconnected from life, from the blog, from Facebook and really tried to being a season of listening. My heart was calling me to focus and to make time for myself.

You can’t listen if you don’t slow down to hear.

I’ve spent my life working in many fashions. Caring for people, teaching, organizing events, managing blogs to grow community and being focused on pathways to inner growth. Moving in and out of life with some renewal and hope of lessons learned tucked away – growing older but hopefully just a tiny bit wiser. Regardless of what I have learned, I continued to stumble about in my own sin and shame filled insecurities which has extended for a lifetime.

Man, am I tired.

Emotional growth and healing take time and energy. Focus. Purpose. I am confident caring for my father in law was pivotal in helping me see things my heart had been saying for some time. I needed to slow down, find some balance of where moments of time stood still – and cherish them. It was time to sacrifice the perfectionist tendencies of my heart and accept the reality of the life I have been given. Treasuring time together for the gift it is. Becoming a caregiver I found that I had been given a precious gift as well.

I learned to listen. I learned to hear. I learned to really be in a moment. I thought I knew how to do this before, but I was kidding myself. This was transformational! Each and every day with Basil I needed to ride the waves of whatever happened that particular day and just be Now that the experience is gone as he has passed on, I find myself looking for the focused life I was living when Basil was alive. Walking in those days where nothing else mattered except loving those around you.

This was paramount!

I learned to really love and experience unconditional love. Walking in pure love grounds you. I learned to accept people exactly where they were at and love them irregardless of their circumstances. I realized I could love more than I ever thought possible. How my life begin to change!

I found it wasn’t my own strength that carried me through the days, oh certainly not! It was the presence of something stronger and mightier than myself. God soaked me in moments of quiet everyday that revealed His presence in the pain. He was real. He was alive. He was with me. I understood that my ability to love was in direct correlation with my understanding that I wasn’t alone.

Oh goodness, I am not alone.

Neither are you, my friend. He’s with you too! No matter what you are facing. No matter what you are dealing with. No matter what your life story is at this very moment. God is present. He wants to make His Presence known to you. Let me say that again, God is present and He wants to make His Presence known to you. Perhaps, you don’t know Him – or maybe, you want to know Him more, experience Him deeply in your life. God’s invitation to you, as well as to me, rings out from the heart of Jesus –

“Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30).”

Oh, how I want rest!

I am weary. Aren’t you? Don’t you tire of the daily demands that are placed upon you? Don’t you tire of expectations you place upon yourself? Don’t you ever just want to let it all go? It can’t be only me! It’s a dry and weary land when the demands of life overwhelm you my friends. But, there is hope. You don’t have to handle it alone today, tomorrow or anymore.

For a long time I lived in denial. I thought I had given my heart to God and followed Him, yet I clung to things I had learned long ago. Thinking that those were the things that would bring me rest and relief. I worked harder. I gave more. I sacrificed precious time that I will never have again. Don’t be me. The regrets can consume you. The fear can paralyze you. The anxiety can stop you.

Come to Jesus. Come to know Him . Come to rest in His love. Accept His invitation. Today you can walk a different life, right now. I don’t mean your life will be perfect, but I do know the provider of peace Himself, Jesus, will walk with you. There is hope and calm assurance in knowing you aren’t alone. Because you aren’t, my friend. There is nowhere where His Presence can’t be. There is nothing outside His reach. There is no one that His love can’t fill.

He is God! The Almighty Father cares for you. He sent His only son because His love is beyond anything you have ever experienced. God loves you and wants to give you rest in your everyday life.

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Days after day, turning into month upon month. Incessant needs swirling all around seemingly never-ending . Moments of nonstop activity. Times of restless energy. Interrupted by deep suffering. Yes suffering. Mourning. Grieving. Hurting. Moving through the darkness of a life left with unfulfilled dreams, unspoken love and sadness – knowing they were about to leave this world as they struggled to feel loved.

Heartbreaking.

So heartbreaking to realize that people go through this life feeling unloved. Not experiencing, not knowing, not accepting love in it’s purest form. Letting it sink down deeply into the recesses of one’s heart – a precious gift from one to another. Compassion. Forgiveness. Mercy –love.

Perhaps the love you experienced in your life, or are experiencing now, is not something you want to emulate, not something you want to give or even not what you want to receive. Maybe it’s not the reality you desire … yet here you are. Yearning for love, but your understanding of it, and perhaps your lack of experience in knowing what real love is, skews your perception, effects your ability to give and certainly to receive love. It’s like reaching for something you deeply desire – to find it falls between your grasp. Hoping that the next time you reach for it, you’ll snag it with your hands. So simple, huh?

No.

Loving and being loved is learned through the social framework and family structures in which we were born, how we were raised and to this point, how we have chosen to live our lives. Some of these things we have encountered may not be a personal choice. You didn’t chose to be the son or the daughter of an alcoholic, of an addict or of an abuser. There are things in your life that you have had absolutely no control over. None. You can’t change the beliefs, the choices or the addictions that others in your life wrestled with. The insecurities, the frailities or the demons that they faced. That was not your choice -you had no say in the matter.

None.

It shaped your reality. Helped form your identity. It can haunt you for eternity. You see my friend, love is. In it’s purest nature, love fills hearts, fills minds and fills souls like nothing else can. It breeds empathy, mercy and compassion. Allowing relationships to grow, to expand and go into places that were once guarded. Love heals. Love gives. Love hopes. This pure love is not something often familiar to many of us – or part of our daily interactions with those we care for. If you grew up in an alcoholic, an addictive or an abusive home, love is not always pure. Love is interpreted by the pain of the past, often difficult to break free from and facing daily struggles to find hope. To feel loved.

God says that love never fails.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Often when I read this I find myself questioning the reality and truth in these words. If love is truly all these things, then where exactly does the love I give or experience come from? In what form or fashion do I find myself defining love and how come it’s so much more different than how God defines it?

How come, God?

I’ve been asking this question for ages. Why? Maybe you have asked it a time or two yourself? Depending on your life circumstances and personal experiences – you could be asking it often. A daily grind of combatting the deep truth that you really are loved and you are worth loving. I have news for you, you ARE. You are loved and your are worth loving! Don’t take my word for it.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

God loves you. He loves you so very, very much. He wants a relationship with you, so that you can begin to understand His love for you through His Son, Jesus Christ. The story of His love is true, and it’s so incredibly deep. We will talk more about the divine love of God, but not today.

Let’s keep it simple.

Not long debates about what you need to do, or not do. No exegesis of the Bible and every word where love is spoken. No. Simply put – the love of God. The love that combats all doubt. The love that confronts your fears. The love that has been poured out for you so that you might walk away from the pain and the brokenness of what you know and walk into the holiness of what is true. That deep love you yearn for is real and you can grasp it within your hands. It’s real. It’s true. It’s full of hope.

You are loved. No circumstance. No situation. No person can tell that you are not worth loving. Do not give them that power. Find rest in the assurance that you are loved. Drink a small drop of living water that recognizes that you are worthy. Cling to the truth that you matter. Don’t let go of who you are – God sent His Son for you because He loves you so – don’t give up. Feeling loved begins now.