Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

Earlier today we learned that an occasional paramour of former Gawker editor and current Vanity Fair chick Jessica Coen had—through some sort of complicated tech stock thing about which we have (and wish to have) no clue—fortuitously become an extremely wealthy individual. Good for him! Surprisingly, this is not the first gentleman who has enjoyed Ms. Coen's tender ministrations to have been gifted with a sudden cascade of riches. Ricky Van Veen, of CollegeHumor fame, touched her parts on more than one occasion—and then his company was acquired by Barry Diller! We were beginning to think her ladyflower was gold! Like she was Suze Orman down there! But we recall that some who succumb to Coen's seductive half-Jew-from-the-Midwest, lady-with-a-smart-mouth-and-a-great-ass appeal have not been so lucky. We know of a string of cast-off Coen lovers whose finances are shaky and who may be living with their parents. Some may even be itchy. So a warning to the men of Manhattan: A conjugal visit with Jessica Coen might just make you a millionaire. Or a pauper. She's got the Magic 8 Ball of vaginas.