Wednesday, December 8, 2010

How Not To Repair A Lawnmower

One wonder of the internet is the ability to read local newspapers from practically any town of any size anywhere in the U.S. (or world, for that matter). If you browse through a lot of them, or do specific kinds of internet searches, you can find a lot of interesting articles about some really kooky people doing some really silly things.

After reading enough of these you can really tell that for every few thousand normal people, there is one person who does things that are particularly unpredictable, strange, or just plain stupid. I love reading about people who attempt not so well planned crimes, or, as in the case with this first story, have accidents as a result of poorly thought out schemes.

I look for headlines like this one from the St. Louis Today webpage about a story that took place in St. Joseph, Mo:

Missouri Home Damaged by Lawnmower Fire in Bedroom

It turns out a man was "smoking a cigarette while working on his lawnmower Monday in the bedroom of his home." Presumably his ciggie ignited some fuel. The house was a total loss, and he had to go to the hospital with injuries. They say he's going to live, so I'm going to bookmark this website to watch for his next mention. A woman in the home was not injured. I wonder if she knew he was working on his lawnmower in the bedroom? Did she barely notice because he fixed the transmission of his Taurus in there last month? Maybe she is the one who suggested he do it there in the first place.

Not surprisingly, many of the people doing crazy things are intoxicated. There are plenty of people who, once they booze it up, completely lose control of common sense. Take this headline, from the Morning Call webpage, which covers news in the Philadelphia area:

Intoxicated Man Fights With Police at Perkasie Tree-Lighting Ceremony

You know, it's like clockwork. Every year at this time I start thinking about the Christmases of my life, I get a little misty-eyed, a little emotional. That's when I slam about 10 beers and make a beeline for the local downtown tree-lighting ceremony and start picking fights with cops. In this particular case a drunk 66 year-old man lost track of his son at the tree-lighting festivities, then fought with the officers who were helping look for him. Nothing says "please help me" like a staggering drunk throwing a right cross at you.

The police reports articles in the local papers are always a treasure trove of people doing strange things. Some really small towns print just about anything as news, just to fill some space. Just casually browsing the web sitting here I came up with these news stories:

La Grange, IL- A woman saw two boys carrying several cartons of eggs toward Ogden Avenue School. She asked them what they were planning to do with all those eggs. They informed her they planned to bake a cake.

New Haven, CT- Police say a 25 year old man was shot twice after buying a sandwich at a deli, then went home and ate his lunch before going to the hospital.

Vancouver, Canada- An intoxicated 22-year-old suspect was not seriously injured when he suffered stab wounds to his abdomen after falling on the blade of his own butcher knife during what appeared to be a robbery around 2 a.m.

South Bend, IN- WSBT Chief Meteorologist Rick Mecklenburg was booked on two misdemeanor preliminary charges of false reporting. Police say Mecklenburg called them to his home, saying police hit his car and were firing shots at him. Police say there was no evidence either of those were true.

New Sharon, ME- Bob Neal, a turkey farmer, said he was shocked to find out that a state health inspector had written an employee up for not wearing a hair net, especially because the man had no hair. "Here it was, two demerits for a bald man not wearing a hair restraint," he said."

I could go on forever writing out funny news stories like this. But I'm sleepy, so I'm going to stop now.