Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Because New York loves Carmelo again, the Post thought it time to sit down with wife La La and ask…
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From: Brian Neary
To: The Staff

Your website sucks anymore. over the course of the last year, your website went from funny/sexy articles to just reaching for stories. I hate new york and I hate stars being ridonkulous but lets be honest carmelo anthony buying a portrait form an artist that he didnt commission but like the painting isnt that bad and really not story worthy. Get your shit togther...deadspin will be down the shitter in three years

His take on Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: "My hunch is AL:VH will either be really fun in a dumb way, or it'll be just plain dumb." That's quite a hunch! Who is this gifted soothsayer that Deadspin is employing??? Will he use his vision of the future for good or for evil???? Seriously, is his job to provide misdirection to Leitch's unbearable hipsterness by pointing out the blatantly obvious? It's John Maddening I tell you (now that's a turn of phrase).

The hidden-ball trick is old news, as the Philadelphia Phillies utilized social engineering to fool …
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From: Rdanneker
To: Tim Burke

The Mets catcher reached on a single and was moved to second on R.A. Dickey's successful sacrifice bunt—except the Phillies convinced Thole the bunt went foul, and Thole was tagged out attempting to return to first. It's not really Thole's fault, as his first-base coach should have alerted him to what was going on.

I really want to be polite, but honest to fucking god, did you fail at Little League? That, in no way, was the first-base coach's fault. Baseball analysis like that usually comes from a 11 year-old. Holy shit. Notice how Thole never even looked at the first-base coach after the play? Why not? Because Thole knew that he (Thole) had fucked up and he (Thole) owned it. Appropriately.