Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Real Life Redneck Joke...

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - A mother faces criminal charges after she hired a stripper to dance at her 16-year-old son's birthday party. Anette Pharris, 34, has been indicted by a grand jury on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and involving a minor in obscene acts. The boy's father, the stripper and two others also face charges.

Monday, May 30, 2005

"Star Trek" Fanatics Capturing Tory Races

Ottawa - "Trekkie" activists have secured Conservative nominations in clusters of ridings from Vancouver to Halifax -- a political penetration that has occurred even as the party tries to distance itself from geekyness.At least three riding associations in Nova Scotia, four in British Columbia, and one in suburban Toronto have nominated candidates with ties to groups like Focus on the Star Fleet, a Trekkie organization that opposes same-sex marriage.But organizers say many more will be on the ballot during the next federal election, a feat achieved by persuading Trekkies, particularly new Canadians, to join the party and vote for recommended candidates.Some Conservatives argue that the selection of a large number of candidates from the Star Trek community is an unfortunate turn for a party that was accused in last year's election campaign of harbouring a nerdy "hidden agenda.""The difficulty, from a party perspective, is that it begins to hijack the other agendas that parties have," said Ross Haynes, who lost the Conservative nomination in the riding of Halifax to one of three "Star Trek nerd, pro-family people" recommended by the "Star Ship Captain" at a Trekkie rally this spring in Kentville, N.S.Candidates who are running on single issues such as opposition to same-sex marriage "probably can't get elected because they certainly don't represent any mainstream population view," Mr. Haynes said.Others within the party say they are extremely concerned and wished the party leaders had been more involved in the nominations.But "Captain Kirk"-- the Trekkie leader whose endorsement at the Kentville rally aided the nominations of "Lieutenant Spok" in Halifax, "Captain Picard" in Halifax West and "Lieutenant Warf" in Sackville-Eastern Shore -- makes no apologies."It's time we stopped apologizing and started defending who we are," he said. "The Trekkie community in Canada, by and large, and socially conservative nerds, are saying we have been far too space minded and thus we have been of no earthly value for far too long, on too many fronts.""Capt. Kirk" runs the Equipping Nerds for the Public Square Centre, which teaches nerds to become political. He is reluctant to say how many adherents have obtained Conservative nominations because he is afraid the news media will portray the campaign as the infiltration of the party by "Star Trek Nerd fanatics."But "it's happening everywhere, especially in urban ridings and in Ontario," he said. "Even in Toronto we have incredible people from the geek community who are stepping up to the plate who are just awesome candidates and sincere Trekkies.""Capt. Kirk" said nerds have been allowed to believe that "to be a genuine citizen of the nation we need to check our nerdyness at the political door. And I'm saying no, that's fundamentally flawed. You may participate in the public square as a geek and be not ashamed."John Reynolds, the retiring Conservative MP who ran the party's nomination process, said the fact that social conservatives have won his party's nominations is simply a function of democracy."I don't believe in appointments and neither does our party, so we get some real battles," Mr. Reynolds said. "People say, 'Can't you do something about these guys running?' and I say 'Hey, you can do something: go out and sign up some more people.' "That said, Mr. Reynolds is offended by attempts to paint the Conservative party as a harbour for Star Trek zealots."There were three dozen Liberals who voted with us on the same-sex thing," he said. "Nobody is going after them and saying, 'Look at these nerdos that got into the Liberal Party.' "If reporters who write about nerds taking over his party were to "insert the word "Jew" everywhere you've put "Trekkie", do you think they would let you print it?" he asked. "I doubt it."

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Martin Has No Problem With "Under The Table" Payments

An aide now in Prime Minister Martin's office told the sponsorship inquiry that he and two other party workers were paid under the table to work for the Liberals in Quebec.

Gaetano Manganiello said that while working at the party's Montreal headquarters in 1998, he was approached by Benoit Corbeil (boss of the Quebec wing) who told him the party was in dire financial straits and Pluri Design would pick up his salary. Jacques Corriveau (friend of Jean Chretien) owned that firm.

here's the kicker:

Manganiello, now a media officer for the Prime Minister, says he's on a paid leave of absence from his job, so he can appear before the inquiry.

There ya have it folks, not only does the Prime Minister have crooked staffers now working for him, he pays them with your tax dollars to testify about their dirty dealings!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Shocking New Saddam Prison Photos!

As can be seen below, shocking new photos smuggled out of Saddam's Prison have been published by the tabloids. This one shows Saddam assaulting an unidentified cellmate.

cellmates

"It's clear that this photo is authentic" says Tom, a prison rape expert, "you can see the underpants of both subjects in the picture match, and are Iraq prison issue".

"In the biz, we call them "Tightie Whities" adds "Tom".

According to our expert, Saddam appears to be the aggressor in the possible sexual assault.

"Saddam is much larger than the unidentified victim, who looks very intimidated. Also, he is approaching from the rear holding a blanket. It's clear Mr. Hussein is going to put the blanket over his victims head and make him his bitch" (prison terminology for sexual assault).

White House press spokesman Trent Duffy said the photos could be perceived by members of the insurgency in much the same way as revelations of detainee abuse at Abu Ghraib.

"This could have serious impact with the revelations of prisoner abuse," he said. "What the United States did in both of those situations, however, is recognize that, take immediate steps to investigate and get to the bottom of why it happened and how it happened and take steps to make sure that ... people are held to account."

NEWS ofthe WEEK Retraction

A NEWS ofthe WEEK report based on an anonymous source had alleged that Prime Minister Paul Martin desecrated the Conservative platform book at Parliament hill.

This report sparked massive Canadian riots, in which 100 people had their feelings hurt, 16 seriously.

NEWS ofthe WEEK's editor, alsocanadian, apologized to the victims on Tuesday and said the blog inaccurately reported that Canadian military investigators had confirmed that Paul Martin at the Parliament buildings in Ottawa had flushed the Conservative holy book down the toilet.

"The story was based on a single anonymous source who could not personally substantiate the allegation that was made." Said the editor.

"The report has had serious consequences," he said. "People have had their feelings hurt. The image of Canada abroad has been damaged. We therefore retract the story".

Public Service Announcement 5

New data show that after years of getting smoggier, our skies have become clearer since about 1990. And one effect has been to allow more solar radiation to reach the surface of the Earth.

The Government of Canada will therefore reverse the One-Tonne Challenge - instead of reducing your annual greenhouse gas emissions (GHGs) by one tonne, you are now asked to increase smog by one tonne. The average Canadian produces five tonnes of smog each year so one tonne is only an increase of about 20 per cent.

One tonne sounds like a lot, but think of this: If you drive a car, about half of your total smog likely comes from driving. Avoiding car pooling, public transit and walking will significantly increase your fuel consumption and emissions.

Tire burning is also great way to increase smog production. For Canadians living in northern or coastal regions, tires may not be as abundant. We recommend burning wildlife with a high fat content, such as bears or whales. Polar bears tend to burn best.

If we all work together, by increasing smog Canadians can reduce global warming and look forward to a cooler, smog filled future.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Cornell Scientists Close to the Destruction of Humanity

Hod Lipson and colleagues at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, created the first scalable robot to have built an exact copy of itself. (full story)

Self-replication could have major implications for how robots are used in remote environments where repairing them is difficult.

"Self-replication is the ultimate form of repair," Lipson says. "You can imagine robotic systems on Mars or at the ocean bottom repairing themselves using a mechanism like this. This could herald a fundamental rethink of how robots may be used to explore other planets."

Friday, May 13, 2005

Harper's Not Scary #3

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Canada Oks Child Porn!

Apparently child porn is Ok in Canada, as long as it's "soft core".

Ottawa man James Taylor will only serve a conditional sentence after being convicted of running a child porn website because the judge in the case says the photos weren't 'hard-core.' (full story here)

Justice Hugh Fraser admits offenders typically receive jail time but the photos in question were at the "lower end of the scale.''

Hmmm...I guess it's OK then. It wasn't "bad" child porn. I suppose I was just unenlightened in thinking ALL child porn was bad!

Bet Michael Jackson is kicking himself for not building the Neverland Ranch in Canada...

Not much, except for the fact that Paul Martin and the Liberals have allowed the genocide to go on for years and have done little about it until now. In fact, Canadian oil company Talisman Energy is alleged to have aided and abetted the Sudanese Government's ethnic cleansing of Christian and other non-Muslim minorities in southern Sudan. (some stories here, here, and here)

So what you say? Well, for one thing the Liberals have ignored the international community's requests for sanctions against Talisman. So?

Well, here's the kicker: Talisman Energy is a major contributor to the Liberal party, as well as to Paul Martin's leadership campaign! Hey Paul, ya sure got some nasty friends!

There it is, folks. Martin and the Liberals looked the other way in Sudan when they profited from it. Now that doing something is worth more politically, they are prepared to do something - send others into harm's way.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Globe and Mail Exposes Media Bias and Propaganda!

As you can see by the above two photos, the one on the inset is clearly altered.

Only the Globe and Mail was fair and balanced enough to show the true picture of Stephen Harper and Gilles Duceppes making secret plans for the destruction of Canada. (story here)

The rest of the Liberal biased media showed the photo in the inset.

"This is unbelievable" said media bias and propaganda expert Tom. "It's clear the Globe and Mail is the only paper concerned about honest reporting. The photo that virtually all the other Canadian newspapers carried showed the PM and Jack Layton in the picture as well. They are all trying to hide the secret agenda Harper and Duceppes are plotting."

Tom believes that the inset photo may been altered by airbrushing Martin and Layton into it.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Harper's Not Scary #2

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Mafia Angry at Being Compared to Liberals

Fogeddabadit!

After the above magazine cover was released, a representative of the Mafioso, Jimmy the Rat, released the following statement:

“We tink it’s turally discustin dat we are bein compared to dose sleasy Liberals. Dose guys have no class. Just look at dis stuff. We wood neva stoop dis low! I tink I can speak for alla de family wen I say dis”.

“Least were honest bout our activities, not like dees bums” says Mr. Rat “Dey got no honor, an all da backstabbin an snitchin…it makes us look like angels! Dose conservatives betta smarten up comparin us ta dem, or dey mey end up feedin da fishes if ya know wat I mean!”

The Italian-born immigration minister, Joe Volpe, agrees that the Liberals are too greasy to be compared to the mob. He even attacked the Conservatives for it.

Mr. Volpe said Tuesday that the photo of two Conservative MPs looking approvingly at the magazine cover showed that, "The Klan looks like it's still very much alive.” Referring to the Ku Klux Klan.

"I think these are a couple of fine, upstanding members of the new Conservative Klan," Mr. Volpe said.

He was asked more than once after the weekly Liberal caucus meeting if he would apologize, but declined.

"Maybe my language was a little frank. It's because I was angry," he said.

Scientific Research Shows Liberals and NDP Are Homophobic

This seems kinda strange with them pushing the same sex issue and all. What's really strange is that the Conservatives only scored "hetero". I thought they were supposed to be the homophobic ones. Hmmm...

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Dr. Seuss' Guide to Martin's "Address to the Nation"

Here's a little poem by a fella named Jeff Morris of the Manotick Messenger. A little late, but still a good chuckle:

He sat on his chair, at his desk in his room,In the camera he looked, with his face full of gloom. This wasn't a time of crisis or war.It was about men stealing, then stealing some more."Please forgive me," he said, "I made a mistake"But the Canucklings all sighed, and said "give us a break".Their leader went on, like a desperate man would,To win back respect, he'd say whatever he could."I plead and I beg you, please give me more time, Then you will see, this wasn't my crime."The Canucklings were stunned, and they listened in shock. Who was this man, who delivered such schlock? But their leader went on, he had more to say,"I ended this program, on my very first day." But how, on his first day, could he get this thing handled, When he said all along, he knew not of the scandal? "The mess was the fault of that guy Jean Poutine, When he was your leader, the scam was routine. "I did not know, those men stealing millions, Millions and millions and zillions and gajillions." But the leader back then, ran the Canucklings' finance, To not know he must have had his head in his pants. "I had no idea, not even a hunch."Then who was that guy, with whom you had lunch?"The inquiry was called, and it was called for by me, So let Gomery finish, then you will see. "If so much as a dollar, has found its own way, To the Liberal Party, then we will repay."But the Canucklings all laughed, and they joked and they sneered,Their leader was more desperate than they ever feared. "Don't call an election, I ask you again, Let me clean this mess up, and you will see then, "Let Gomery weave his way through this maze,Then I promise you can vote within 30 days."They all laughed so hard, they fell on their backs, Their leader begged for time to cover his tracks."I've done so much," he said, "for whistleblower protection"But the leader can't make a bullet change its direction. When he finished his speech, he looked rather sorry,It was a beautiful sight, if you were a Tory. Harper said never had he seen a spectacle so sad,But was it enough to get the Canucklings all mad? Some of the Canucklings still stood by their leader, Despite all the claims that he was a cheater.There were no other leaders, they'd exhausted their search,And Harper, he scared them, because he went to church. So they stood by their leader, despite the big scam,And vowed to forgive, for his part in the plan.The corruption might come to an end rather soon, Especially if there's an election in June.If this story should ever end, and then begin again,It might well take place in a jail in Shawinigan.We'll end like George Orwell, if we all had our druthers,"All pigs are equal, but some are more equal than others."