Tag: #confidence

They say, what we focus on, grows. Which is why I have been choosing to focus on good, even though I know darn well there is plenty of darkness in the world. I want to grow the goodness in myself, my family, friends, community and even the world if possible.

It seems like a lofty goal doesn’t it?! I mean, who do I think I am, to be able to affect global change for goodness sakes? I am just little ol’ me, a middle-aged woman from rural Minnesota with a humble job and no real connections to ‘greatness’ as defined by society.

But isn’t that the best part of it all? Even though I am just me, a regular Jane, I am choosing to nurture my environment in hopes that the love I have inside my soul will ripple out into the world around me. Listen, I fear plenty of things, but what good does it do? Holding on to fear has an immobilizing effect on me. When I get scared, I just want to hide in my house away from the world. Does this ring true to you?

I’d like to share a little story of my path through fear to reach faith. When I was thinking of running for State Rep, I was fearful of all sorts of things, like losing my privacy. Although I am a writer, who wears my heart on my sleeve, I still cherish my private life. I know I am far from perfect and worried that the world, or my little part of it anyways, might find out all the lesson’s I learned the hard way. That might lead to judgments from those who think or believe differently than I. Am I prepared to handle those judgments? I mean… it’s guaranteed to be kind of a lot!

One person even told me. “It is truly a selfless act to run as a Democrat in this District.” History shows this is true. All the hard work of Democratic Candidates generally ends in defeat, according to the political election results of previous decades. Is this something I should also fear? Nobody likes to lose, especially when they are working hard and doing their best. Many knew it would probably be a losing fight.

However, no matter what you believe, you cannot win the game if you do not play! Everything about this path scared me. Public speaking was my worst fear magnified by a hundred or more. Everything I said or didn’t say, everything I wore and how I carried myself was up for judgment. This was a very scary arena to jump into as a rookie not knowing what to expect.

Honestly, I was a bit relieved when I didn’t win. I never felt so free in my life! I no longer had to show up with my underdeveloped confidence and a smile on my face as I shook like a hurricane on the inside. I could now relax. At the same time I was sad, depressed and I even mourned the experience. It helped me grow in so many ways that I will never experience again.

Facing my fears, to be part of the change I wished to see in the world, has helped me expand! All of me! Mind, body, spirit and all the energy I give out into the world has been shifted into someone I always knew I was.

Putting aside my fear of failing, or being judged and facing my doubts helped me ‘level up’ as you do in a video game. To stand up for what I believe, even though my anxiety, was the hardest thing I have done in recent memory and worth it even though I lost.

There is so much wisdom in the journey others call ‘failure’ that I no longer consider it a loss at all. I consider the experience of rising above my fears a blessing that expanded my life in ways that didn’t seem possible.

When I came out the other side, I saw that most of my fears were unfounded, unnecessary and failing was a real-life win. Learning to stand and speak my truth fed my soul and gave me true confidence I no longer needed to fake!

Instead of feeling like I was headed to the basement in a scary movie, This experience helps me see I am armed and prepared for whatever I find. I also know that I am perfectly capable of learning what I need on the job or on the fly, to come out alive and well. Choosing to feed my faith in myself and humanity, instead of my fears, has changed me for the better as if by magic.