No more -ER………….

I am going to distract myself from making quite possibly the biggest decision I have ever made and vent a little.

You all know someone pERfect like the lady I ran into on Monday – they are pERfect, their husbands are pERfect, their kids are pERfect, their house is pERfect, their life is pERfect, even the plaque in their teeth is pERfect (oh nevermind – they don’t get plaque) and they make us craziER than anyone else. I have a “friend” like this. And I had the good fortune to see her earlier this week. Oh lucky, lucky me. That will remind me not to stray too far from home again.

She honestly told me how much bettER her kids were than mine at, well, simply evERything. She did not exactly say it – she is a mastER at trying to be subtle while bragging, but I am very good at reading between the lines – thank you vERy much. And, I know when you say that it’s too bad my daughter did not receive the Nobel Prize for litERature at the young age of 9 (oh honey, she still has plenty of time), but you must be off to buy a new outfit for your own child’s cERemony – I get it – I am pERfectly insulted.

And, FYI, I happen to think my own kids are pretty great – it’s my job – so hER sitting next to me and telling me that hER kids were bettER at evERything on the planet than my frumpy little ragdolls – well it might be a little tough to keep my new year’s resolution of not hating the people who drive me pERfectly insane. And it made it even hardER to keep my good sense about me and not push hER down and take hER lunch money to give to some poor child who was less pERfect but hungriER than her own lovely offspring. ERRRRRRRRRR is right!

And, don’t worry, she is not from my neighborhood. She doesn’t have time to read my blog – well, between the MENSA classes for her two-year-old and the upcoming space flight for her other little blob of pERfection and hER own vERy important job of telling absolutely evERyone how wondERful her children are, she simply does not have time for my silly little blog. Oh, believe you me, the world would stop spinning if she stopped talking about hER own children long enough to actually read about someone else’s kids – yeah – it is not going to happen. No one will be able to figure out who she is. (And no detective, she is not one of my Facebook friends.)

So anyway, I was watching Oprah not too long ago and Oprah was talking with women who have read Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. These were woman who actually chose this book to read because they realize they are far from pERfect and they wanted to find ways to bettER themselves. I liked them already.

And, there was a woman who read the book and decided to stop trying to be any more “ER” than anyone else. She was not going to try to be prettiER, richER, skinniER, smartER or anything else more than anyone. She lost some weight because she stopped obsessing about what she looked like compared to other people, she enjoyed spending time more with her kids because she wasn’t worried about how they compared to other kids, and, in general, life just got easiER.

So I am going to try it – I am not going to be more ER than anyone else. Well, except maybe nicER than my sweet, misguided friend mentioned above. Dang, have I lost my focus already? ERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And you call her a friend? There are a couple of the “surface mommy friends” that hang out with my real friends who do the exact same thing. It drives my neighbor and very good friend CRAZY. It doesn’t bother me in the least. I never felt I was in a competition with anyone unless I actually was in a competition with them in sports or whatever, and I carry that through with my son.

I don’t know why I grew up that way, must have been from my mother, but what I have learned from being a court reporter for 22 years is that if you scratch the surface of the ER’s just a bit that most of it is just trying to mask the reality that is not so pretty. I can’t tell you how many ER divorces I’ve taken where the real story is NASTY. I have taken bankruptcy cases of some of the “richest” people in the City of Boston that were living on the edge for years before falling off the cliff.

I actually end up feeling bad for the ER’s, because it all crumbles sooner or later. You’re on the right track, which is to get off the track! Now, if I can only get my neighbor to get off the track…

I no longer get lost on FB. Now I lose time reading and re-reading your blog. You are an exceptional writer. Your style reminds me of Jeanne Marie Laskas. She used to write “Significant Others” in the Sunday Post magazine. Your blog makes me not miss her column as much.
I’ve thought of you a lot with all of the sad, very scary news lately. I know what ever you decide will be well thought out and come from the right place of feelings/thoughts/intention. Trust your inner “ER” ~ it’s strongER than you know.

ERRRRRRRRr….is what I have to say after reading that! Wow! Well Ellen, I think you are on the right track with the right attitude girlfriend!!!! Most of the time when the “ER” people are bragging……it’s mostly because they really don’t have anything special going on in their lives and they feel they must brag about something to feel some kind of importance! I think the rest of us who just live life and have fun….we’re the “TRUE ER” people!!!! 😉
By the way….you are a great writer!!!! Did you miss your calling? …..maybe you should be writing novels or something!!! ha ha!