** fatty confession #179: ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK ***

Monday, March 25, 2013

This is a NO-JUDGEMENT ZONE so if you are prone to high-horse tendencies, please exit now.

Sorry to be so dramatic but I had a moment yesterday that made me look at my OWN self sideways. It was one of those things where you didn't even know you do something and once you do, you think, "I ought to be ashamed of myself!" Kind of like picking boogies when no one is watching and taking the time to assess it before flicking it away.

I have these Invisalign braces and part of the requirements is that you have to brush and floss immediately after each meal and then put them back in; you can only have them out for 2 hours a day. Well I have been following the rules but I was beginning to find myself waiting a moment before brushing my teeth. Yesterday was day 5 and at one point I almost felt sad/annoyed/frustrated that I had to go brush my teeth after my lunch. Why? It wasn't because I mind brushing and flossing. THis is where is gets kinda gross:

I like tasting the food on my teeth. I like being able to find little trinkets of leftovers a little bit after my meal so that I can experience the goodness again. I am a sick individual.

When I made the concious decision to sit on my bed after eating and run my tongue over my teeth and pick at my molars and lick my lips for a good fifteen minutes AFTER I finished eating, it struck me. I am supposed to have my alligners in, I should be brushing my teeth. I immediately thought, I am not about to brush away this goodness; it would be like erasing how good the food was. I can wait until the flavor dissipates from my mouth and THEN brush. I am not going to lie, I felt dirty about it, but I didn't care. I then started to think through my life and ask myself is this something that i have always done. Of course it is. It was an unconscious habit that I have had. My mouth rituals were a part of the food experience for me. Food has never been about sustainibility or nutrition for me. This is all new to me. The thought of brushing my teeth so soon after eating felt like sacrilage.

I am sure I have left a bad taste in your mouth and I probably could have kept this to myself. But this is my truth and it just may be someone elses. In this weightloss journey, you discover so much about yourself that you didn't even know was there. Don't get me wrong, I am a very hygenic person and even border on OCD in some areas of my life. But this revelation showed me how much food had overtaken me without me even knowing it.

THISSPRING2012
I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! Wow! I had never written it down, myself, but was nodding along to what you were saying! I also enjoy the pure flavor of something that I ate that was so yummy. I have a hard time with this too. I don't brush after meals, but tend to want/need to pop in a piece of gum, and this ruins that moment for me as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. Blogging is such an amazing therapy. It keeps us honest with ourselves. Thank you for being honest every time. 1844 days ago

MY_TIME_2_SHINE
Alright, Nik GREAT post!!! I don't think this is TMI at all. As a matter of fact, I think it sums up a lot for me as to how I unconsciously sabotage my hard efforts! I think having that realization that you want to savor that taste is accountability because you were actually aware of what you were supposed to be doing. I think that's cool because if I thought about the effort that I had put into changing my habits, I would be just a little bit closer to my goals!! Thank you for your honesty. Now you have me thinking about what little things I do or don't do that help or hinder my progress. STILL my hero!! 1884 days ago

BETHIEBOOPS
You really are adorable! I just have another perspective to toss in there: I totally agree- food is for nutrition, sustenance and so forth. But I think that we miss out and deprive ourselves of the emotional benefits of food too if we are too strict on ourselves. Enjoying the feeling of food in your mouth is part of the experience of eating. Sharing joy or sadness over a meal has been around since Bible days, we can't say its just modern culture... so having an emotional reaction to the food is not necessarily a bad thing right? It seems to be part of what makes us human.

Please don't get to down on yourself about enjoying food even after eating... It's part of the eating experience. (okay I've never enjoyed a "second course" but I love the warmth of eating on my tongue... you know the "afterglow" of a great meal...ahhhh!) I guess, the tricky part, is to set boundaries- like you've done with your liners, (I can enjoy this feeling for no longer than an hour then I have to brush my teeth) or with emotional eating. (I can have a small piece of birthday cake but not when I am sad/alone/stressed/watching tv) I hope that's not a high horse ;) Just a different perspective :)1885 days ago

LILSHINE
Okay, okay I've stopped laughing long enough to type this...you're too much. You say what some of us don't. You make me and I'm sure alot of us that read your blogs think mmmm do I do this. I surely had to give this a little thought. Your honesty with self is truly awesome. Thanks for sharing...

I thought about the invisiligns but don't know if I have that kind of discipline to brush so often. Especially at work - it kind of grosses me out to brush my teeth in a public bathroom especially as unclean as some of my co-workers can be in there. 1885 days ago

EOWYNRUSS
I was not upset by your blog at all, it is one of those things that people do but don't talk about. I had braces for 3 long years when I was in high school. I had a similar issue. I was supposed to brush every time I ate, but in high school, you would do anything not to be different, and bringing your toothbrush to school was just not cool. So, I did something similar to what you do. I cleaned my braces out with my tongue after I ate. I did it for so long, that I still find myself doing it, 20 years after the braces came off. I never really thought about it until you mentioned it, but it does allow you to "taste" your food twice, extending the pleasure of eating. I always wait a little after breakfast to brush, and I think that leftover ritual of mine might be why. I eat in a somewhat ritualized way. Your honesty has brought insight into my world. Thanks.1885 days ago

XANGELSTEARZX I don't think you're alone in this quirk! I'm not sure about the finding leftovers floating around but it's just wrong to wash away the flavor before it wears off some. Now, say 20 minutes after food...I'm fine to brush.1885 days ago

ADARKARA
OH MY GOSH I HATE BRUSHING MY TEETH RIGHT AFTER EATING FOR THE EXACT SAME REASON! You are NOT a freak. =) I don't sit there and think about it but brushing my teeth right after breakfast makes me sad, lol. 1885 days ago

MJREIMERS
Once you realize your "quirks" then you can either deal with them or ignore them. It's entirely up to you! YOU have the power to deal with this in anyway that you choose. This journey is all about choices. The good, the bad and the tasty.

MARIANNE9855
I have felt like that before- not that I spent 15 min exploring my mouth but that I didn't want to lose the taste of something delicious I had just eaten and knowing that brushing my teeth would make it go away.Other times I brush my teeth exactly for the opposite reason- to interrupt the eating.I don't think you are odd- there are many senses involved with eating and the enjoyment we get. 1886 days ago

PAPER_WINGS18
Proud of you for having this realization! I am sure it was very eye-opening, girl. And I look up to you for just being able to put it all out there w/ your honesty! Not everyone can do that, my dear!

BMCKEOW1
I think all of us have these moments, some gross some not so gross. Least you have realized what yours is and you can confront it head on. No more denial. This is something you can get a control on. You can do this. 1886 days ago

SHANALOUISA
Everybody has weird quirks. You just put yours out there while most people will hide or deny theirs. With all the warnings at the top I didn't know what to expect . . . but I assure you that isn't so bad, lol! 1886 days ago