This is me, eighteen year old Hannah.
I’m currently in the process of recovering from an eating disorder.
This is a place for me to turn to in both good and bad times.
I've recently found a love for writing and journaling, so expect a lot of those.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Happy Holidays

I was overcome with emotion - joy, relief, you name it - when I was informed that I would be allowed to spend Christmas Eve at home with the ones that mean the most to me. I had gained enough weight over the weekend and so the doctor's had to comply with their agreement.

To me, Christmas symbolizes a coming together of loved ones where you simply enjoy each other's company in various forms. Additionally, eating, and treating yourself to just that one little Christmas cookie that sits there at the kitchen counter, enticing you - signaling to devour it. During the festivities yesterday and today I really tried to let go of my eating rituals and to not think about what exactly I am consuming every minute of every day. It was incredibly challenging for me to follow my given meal plan though, especially because I had gained so much weight over the weekend - due to the copious amounts of food that were consumed in anticipation of the weigh-in that decided my fate for the night-leave over Christmas Eve. Yet I managed it all. I just thought to myself, screw those thoughts; it's Christmas, so go and enjoy yourself. You deserve it.

And you know what? That's what I did.I enjoyed my Christmas immensely.

I love them to death. I don't know where I'd be without them. Being able to spend Christmas Eve with them was the best present I could have asked for.

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My Story

Being admitted into the intensive psychiatric station at the Allgemeines Krankenhaus, the best in all of Austria, after countless failed attempts at recovering as an inpatient, an outpatient, being legally forced to recover in a psychiatric ward and through the Family Based Treatment (FBD) known as the Maudsley Approach; I realized that there is not one single type of therapy that will enable one to fully recover. You need to find the will to live again. To simply enjoy life in all its prized possessions. And I have finally grasped this and am fighting for my life at the Allgemeines Krankenhaus.