Me: So I was researching Rattlesnakes today. Apparently they nest in mountain valleys upwards of 11,000 ft, like damp areas, and prefer temperatures of 50-80 degrees. It looks like they hide during mid day. So I’m safe to walk the dogs at noon. Look, they’re little, and I don’t think Henry would make it if he stumbled across one.

Jason: So we can add this to the ever growing list of your anxieties?

Me: Exactly.

Jason: Heights, snakes, God you’re just like my mom.

Me: Yes, you have successfully married your mother. Congratulations, the Oedipal complex has come full circle.

We had a concert to go to after Jason finished demoing some mountain bikes, so he brought a change of clothes with him so he didn’t have to keep wearing his bike shorts all night. The following is what happened after we parked downtown, mid afternoon.

Jason: God I can’t wait to get out of these shorts.

Me: Yeah. but there’s people everywhere. I know you’re cool showing off your ballsack to the world, but I don’t think everyone else is ok with seeing it.

Jason: Yeah, I know. Help me find the sun shield. That should give me some privacy from the front.

Me: God dammit, we need to sort out our summer and winter gear, I cant find anything back here. OK, here it is. Oh man, I’ll shut my door so that family in the yard next to us doesn’t see you. Looks like they’re having a garage sale.

Jason: Oh I didn’t even see them! See, it’s this kind of shit that I’m worried will get me arrested.

Jason starts to take off his bike shorts in the drivers seat

Me: Oh shit!!! There’s a little girl with her grandma! Where did they come from?? Change faster!!!

Jason: I can’t I’m stuck! GAH! This is EXACTLY what I was worried about!!

Jason hands me his sweaty bike shorts that he’s turned inside out as he scrambles for his underwear