Pages

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Nicole Kidman is Running

Nicole Kidman was photographed running this past weekend in L.A. It’s been a while since I’ve written a post about a celebrity running, despite the fact that they are some of my favorite posts to write. Mostly this is because it has given me an excuse to (Go)ogle pictures of Jessica Simpson, Katie Holmes, and Jessica Biel to name a few. Also, it allows me make fun of famous celebrities and showcase my jealousy of their fabulous lives. Today it is with half-hearted resolve that I post this entry containing pictures of a pregnant, 40 year old Nicole Kidman. Let’s face it she’s not really stacking up to the other names that I mentioned above.

I’m not saying that Nicole Kidman isn’t sexy enough to be featured here at Half-Fast because she’s 40 and pregnant, it’s just that... well... yeah... I guess that’s exactly what I’m saying. To be clear I don’t have anything against pregnant 40 year olds, other than the fact that it seems an unnecessary risk to get pregnant at 40 when I have two kids that I would happily give away to a good home. It just doesn’t usually make for a good combination when you’re looking for sexy images to post on your blog.

So why did I post the above picture? To illustrate a point. I need your help here folks. I don’t think it benefits anyone if I have to resort to posting less-than-sexy celebrities, but I can’t keep track of all these celebrities by myself. I know that you all read the celebrity gossip rags, hell Marcy practically writes one. Whenever you see stories about celebrities running I need to know about it. When the paparazzi photograph some A-lister running on the beach, I need to see those pictures. You people need to do a better job of e-mailing me when these stories pop up.

Now normally this post would also get the “posts I hope my wife doesn’t read” tag, but in this case it’s not necessary because she has nothing to fear from Nicole Kidman. Nicole Kidman is not ever going to come searching for a little Vanilla love due to her tragically horrendous taste in men (see Cruise, Tom also see Urban, Keith). Even if she did, I would not be interested. First of all, my wife is much hotter than Nicole Kidman (and also much more reading this over my shoulder as I type than Nicole Kidman). Also and perhaps more importantly, my wife is not on the verge of producing a screaming, crying, diaper-filling, bundle of what-have-we-done.

Thanks to Celebrity Source which is where I heard about the story. No thanks to you lousy readers, when are you going to start pulling your weight around here?

Hey, being a fat 52 year old myself, I think Nicole looks pretty good at 40. At least Keith was able to get her pregnant, which is more than we can say for Tom, which leads me to wonder if those conspiracy freaks are right --- maybe Suri really was created with L.Ron Hubbard's frozen swimmers?! :-) I'm still waiting for the NY marathon people to take away Katie's medal, too.

Now Cheryl, Nicole was pregnant when she and Tom divorced, but she miscarried. Now, it may not have been Tom's baby, hence the divorce, but she has said (on Oprah, and you can't lie on Oprah) that it was his. Anyway, before I digress any further, Vanilla, she could've done worse than Keith Urban.

I just stumbled across your blog and am glad this is my first post to read. It's hysterical!

I just heard some gossip on the radio this AM during drive time... Nicole has doctors angry for giving Botox a bad name. Evidently, she's had way too much of the stuff (although none now that she's pregnant) and now her face doesn't move! Wouldn't that be a stupid thing to do if one is an actress?

And in more running celebrity news, I saw Hoda Kotb (NBC News) running in Central Park this afternoon. We exchanged smiles, and that was it. She looked pretty good, better than anemic Nicole K. does in that picture...