"If God created people with a certain orientation, then are we saying that God made a mistake?" — The Rev. John Hansen

ROCKAWAY TOWNSHIP — The Rev. John Hansen's congregation at the Holy Trinity Lutheran Church has long known he's gay. And for the most part, he said, it's been OK.

He brought his longtime partner, Vincent Spiritosanto, to church functions and social gatherings after becoming the congregation's full-time pastor in 2002, Hansen said. Spiritosanto joined the church council, and eventually became its president. There was no secret.

"Everybody understood. Everybody knew. But it wasn't an in-your-face type of deal," Hansen said. "We decided not to wave the red flag."

But there are limits to what some people will accept, he said. So Hansen made two announcements in recent weeks — one of which, he said, would make it easier for some congregants to accept the other:

Hansen will retire from the ministry on Jan. 8, the 36th anniversary of his ordination. And he plans to live out the rest of his life with Spiritosanto — whom he married on Dec. 13, their 28th anniversary.

"I knew that having a marriage would push some people away," he said. "If they knew about it, that I was in a same-sex relationship, that was OK — as long as it wasn't in their face."

He continued: "As a clergy person, you're trying to walk the fine line of being faithful to the gospel and not becoming an obstacle to the ministry of your church."

That's a nuanced stance in a church with a complex and somewhat fluid relationship with homosexuality.

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Unlike the Roman Catholic Church, there is no overarching bureaucracy or leadership that governs all Lutheran interpretation of scripture. Many synods explicitly find homosexuality sinful and incompatible with their teachings.

But in 2009, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America — of which Holy Trinity is a member — voted on a social statement that, for the first time, accepted church leaders could be in monogamous, lifelong same-sex relationships. It also opened the door to allowing churches to perform same-sex marriage ceremonies.

But it did so couched in language that acknowledged there wasn't a consensus in the ECLA about homosexuality, and didn't require churches to perform same-sex unions.

"We do not have agreement on whether this church should honor these relationships and uplift, shelter, and protect them or on precisely how it is appropriate to do so," the ECLA wrote.

It also encouraged members to "live out their faith in the local and global community of the baptized with profound respect for the conscience-bound belief of the neighbor."

The New Jersey Synod of the ECLA takes a similar stance to the larger organization, encouraging its congregations to decide for themselves whether they'd recognize same-sex unions following prayerful consideration.

"We are living in a time of tremendous change in our society's conversation and welcome of people in same-gender unions. We need to be careful and thoughtful in how we contribute to this conversation and welcome," the synod's bishop, the Rev. Tracie L. Bartholomew, wrote to pastors in October following a state Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage in New Jersey.

There's disagreement among Lutheran organizations. There's disagreement within the ECLA. There's disagreement within the New Jersey Synod. And, Hansen said, while most of his congregation has accepted his relationship, there's disagreement within the Holy Trinity Lutheran Church.

He said he welcomes that discussion — even if it includes people who think his marriage shouldn't have happened.

"(The ECLA vote) may also be a deterrent to some congregations, who may be conscience-bound not to call a pastor in such a relationship," he wrote in an email to NJ.com following a conversation about his marriage and retirement. "It short, the decision is a step toward embracing a more inclusive view of the Church and makes the ELCA a church that opens its door to a more diverse population.

"We live in an ever-increasingly polarized society that prefers simplistic 'either-or' answers to complex issues and situations. This position offers a 'both-and' option for those who wish to make the Christ's Church an inclusive, rather than an exclusive, place."

For the past 11 years, Hansen and Spiritosanto have lived apart. Spiritosanto has been at their home in Pennsylvania, while Hansen lived at the church's parsonage.

"Often, the only time we got to see each other was the meetings," he said.

The decision to marry came after the state Supreme Court ruling, and the wedding occurred at the Living Waters Lutheran Church in Ringoes. A larger celebration is planned for next year.

"We'd been waiting for it to be legal for years," Hansen said.

Spiritosanto recently resigned as president of the church's council to avoid a conflict of interest, as he's now married to the church's pastor — even if Hansen will only hold that position for a little while longer.

Hansen said he the broader Lutheran denomination's complex views on homosexuality may push some potential members away — but he's hopeful it'll bring in others.

"If God created people with a certain orientation, then are we saying that God made a mistake, and those people are defects?" he said. "If you take the responsible interpretation of scripture, it does not necessarily single out homosexuality any more than any other sin. Everybody falls short. We're all sinners. We're all imperfect."