Thursday, August 5, 2010

"Impression: Patient referred here for carpal tunnel syndrome. She clearly has significant headaches, though denies having headaches at all. She also obviously has trouble sleeping, though tells me she sleeps fine. She keeps asking me to address her carpal tunnel syndrome, but that's not the main issue here."

20 comments:

Cthulhu Sashimi
said...

"Given her lack of understanding of her situation, I felt it best not to tell her that I ordered gender reassignment surgery. She thinks she's going to the hospital for a blood test. There will be time to explain afterward."

I've seen at least a dozen doctors like this. With most of them, it goes like this:

Dr Obsession: "You need to go on a diet."Me: "Yes, fine. I have a really bad infection here..."Dr Obsession: "Have you considered weight loss surgery?"Me: "Let's talk about it later. I'm really concerned about this infection."Dr Obession: "I cannot treat you unless you deal with your obesity problem."

(& when I wind up in the hospital weeks later, that's my fault. If only I'd gotten surgery!)

Or the psychiatrist who prescribed Prozac because "nobody could be as fat as you and not be depressed. Besides it will help you lose weight."

Or, and maybe it was the same jerk, the neurologist who told me to start taking an aspirin a day because "fat people are more likely to have strokes" (despite having low blood pressure, no cardiac issues and I was there for, yep, what turned out to be carpal tunnel).

Smart ER nurse - "Ahem, I think they are concerned about the possibility of congestive heart failure." [points to the extremely swollen legs which I mentioned when coming in as the reason I'd called the triage nurse rather than just taking my imitrex duh]

ER doc - "I'm going to give you some benedryl, cantremember, and magnesium. Magnesium is very good for migraines."

Me - "Yes, I know. That's why I take 500mg daily for my migraines."

Husband - "What about her extremely swollen legs??"

ER doc - "I'll be back later to see how your migraine feels. Oh and we'll give you some fluids as well."

Smart ER nurse - [alarmed at this point] "Ahem, should we do this given the amount of fluid in her legs??" (trying desperately to point them out again)

ER doc - "Oh! Hmm. Okay, let's just use a flatpac."

Oooh look!! The feedback form from the hospital just got here. muahahahahahahahahahahaha! Nurse = 10! ER doc... -10 and I've really really got to tattoo "Go Straight to Vandy ER" on my hand. This is the THIRD time this ER has totally ignored the reason my doctor or a triage nurse has sent me to the ER. ::head:desk::

Oh for the love of God!!!!!!!! I think the doc might have been at risk for sudden onset, severe, one-sided headache with swelling and discoloration around the eye on the affected side. Actually he probably is at risk for that a lot.

So, um, you have an established diagnosis for epilepsy? For five years? From a neurologist who has been practicing for 20 years? Well, without doing any tests, I don't think it is that at all. I've been out of my neurology residency for 4 years you see, and I think you have dissociative identity disorder.

Welcome to my whining!

This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate.

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