8 Things Girls In New Relationships Do But Will Never Admit To

You’ve told your sister about him. He’s started to refer to you two as a “we.” From the obnoxious pet names to the fact that you regularly sleep in his T-shirts, all signs point to one thing: You are in a brand-new, verifiable relationship. While you may openly admit to swooning over his biceps and falling for his awesome sense of humor, here are seven other behaviors that you’re totally keeping hush-hush.

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1. “Accidentally” Leave Things at His Place Oops. You left your favorite dress hanging in his closet. And your extra toothbrush in his bathroom. And a blanket on his bed because he always has the AC blasting. Why, if we didn’t know better, it would almost seem like you were trying to mark your territory one tank top at a time.

2. Picture Every Detail of What Your Future Will Be Like Sure, he’s great and you guys are on cloud nine, but you did just start dating, and it’s way too soon to begin fantasizing about that fairy-tale proposal (he’ll probably surprise you!) and the song for your first dance and your two kids—a boy and a girl—and your retirement home in Santa Barbara. Oh, yeah, you probably should meet his parents first.

3. Wince a Little When you Delete Your Bootie Call’s Number. You are so happy and nothing could be better than the parade of euphoria that is new love. Still. That hot bartender who lived down the street got you through so many dry spells and had such a nice butt and—just delete the number—quickly. Like you’re ripping off a Band-Aid.

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4. Stalk His Ex’s Facebook Page. His past is his past, and what’s important is that he’s with you now...and that you’re prettier, more successful, and a better dresser than his old flame, which you’ll be able to confirm after you just take a quick three-hour peek at her profile and every single picture and status she’s posted for the past several years.

5. Strategize About Fixing Him He is perfect. At least, he will be as soon as you replace that bath towel he’s using as a curtain. And get him to eat more vegetables. And bring him to your yoga class. You know you can’t really change a person, but you can tweak them a little bit, right?

6. Test the “How Much of Your Crap Can He Withstand” Waters Sure, he’s all about this relationship when things are going perfectly, but what’s going to happen when he finally learns about that baggage you have from your parents’ divorce? Or the fact that you get really bad anxiety before a big work meeting? There’s only one way to find out—by blindsiding him with an argument over an otherwise lovely sushi date, a.k.a. giving him the chance to prove what a great guy he is.

7. Divulge Details of What His Junk Looks Like to Your Girlfriends Few things come close to the joy that is epic beginning-of-a-relationship sex. Are you really expected, then, to not brag to your girls about the five orgasms he gave you before breakfast with that impressively big member? Sure, he’d be horrified to know that the same girls you’re meeting for game night know that he has a “Goldilocks” penis (it’s just right!), but for now, you can’t help but share your enthusiasm for your new favorite kind of sausage.

8. Inspect His Medicine Cabinet. Yes, you respect his privacy, blah blah blah, but you’re also only human and bound to be at least a little curious as to which medications he’s taking, what kind of after-shave he uses, and whether he’s got an old box of condoms lying around from his ex. It’s not that you would actually do anything with that information—except maybe Google what that blue pill is.

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