SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Well Played, Vanessa L. Williams

Everybody was divided about Vanessa L. Williams’ crazy Golden Globes ensemble; people either loved it or hated it, with almost no middle ground. We fell into the latter category, not because we didn’t appreciate the divaliciousness she was going for, but because we felt it was too all over the place and too overpowering. The fright wig, the dress, the fur — we didn’t know where to look, but the sad consequence was, we rarely ended up looking at her, even though she was visible from miles away.

At the SAG Awards, however, she toned it down to delicious effect.

The color is utterly breathtaking, and the cut of the dress flatters her fantastic figure. But as alluring as all that is, our eye still ends up drawn upward to her best asset of all: her face. Seriously, she is beyond beautiful. Those eyes, the skin, the smile — it’s all divine, so much so that we’re deep into girl-crush territory with her. We already adored her occasionally sensitive, often evil, and always conniving Wilhelmina Slater on Ugly Betty, who is precisely the kind of cool, sophisticated Queen Beeyotch that a Fug Girl could only dream of becoming. We want to shop with her, we want to strut with her, we want to study in the classroom of her suavitude, and we want her obsequious and no-less-cunning assistant to kiss our asses and roll his eyes behind our backs and bring us bagels whenever Willie deems it acceptable for solid food to pass our lips. Indeed, should Wilhelmina ever need a pair of devoted interns, we’d be more than happy to put on our bitch boots and step up to the job — after all, we can pop a bottle of bubbly with the best of ‘em, and that’s got to be one of the more important skills for the position, right?

This photo merely enhances our already fiery affection for Vanessa L. Williamshelmina, but it’s an excellent example of how sometimes, less is more: Instead of going overboard on the accessories or the dress, she let her very self be the primary, and indeed almost only, adornment. And she positively glows. It’s a reminder that I should be prepared to do almost anything, even cut a bitch, to look that fantastic when I’m her age. Not that Vanessa L. ever had to cut a bitch. I mean, maybe she did, and if so I’m sure the bitch deserved it, but… you get the gist.

This is not to say we think she should play it safe every time she leaves the house. We’re okay with risks, but not when you take every single one of them at once. The next time she decides she absolutely must scrape something off the road and tape it to her head, we just hope she will display a little more restraint with everything else so that her gorgeous, appropriately aged yet simultaneously young-beyond-its-years face still shines. Although ideally, she would start with giant hair that looks slightly less like it cost $3.99.