DAD WEED | Dad knows what it is. And what it isn’t. Because he’s Dad.

Come on now, don’t act like you don’t know what ‘Dad weed’ is.

The first Father’s Day with legal California cannabis is upon us, and while that means all manner of wonderful gift ideas for the modern man of the house, it also means Dad weed isn’t getting the respect it deserves.

Not that Dad cares. Whatever they come up with next, Dad’s crumbly flower and crooked doobies aren’t going anywhere.

Dad weed has terpenes and CBD. When you talk to Dad about them, he goes into a reverie. Not because he’s listening and learning. He’s thinking about something else. Probably something to do with. Home Depot.

But Dad weed doesn’t come in janky baggies anymore. It’s tested for pesticides and other contaminants. It comes in lovely glass jars or pouches. A friendly Eaze driver brings it to wherever he is. Dad still can’t believe this is real life.

What Dad weed is not.

Dad weed does not “connect to Bluetooth,” come in a stylish pack of five, or get labeled with words like “Felicity,” “Animate” or “Rekindle.” Dad knows darn well what weed is for. And your indoor-grown, 30% THC miracle marijuana is cool with Dad–just don’t expect him to talk or hang out after that session. He’ll be out in the garage for the evening, probably rolling another Cheeto to take the edge off.

Edibles could technically be Dad weed, were it not for that time he chowed down half of your aunt Pamela’s banana bread without knowing what he was in for. Dad doesn’t talk about that day. Neither does Pamela.

How Dad rolls.

And make no mistake, Dad weed is never pretty. His flower isn’t exactly the stuff of the High Times Twitter feed; his joints are loose, lumpy, misshapen. But oh man, they burn. And he doesn’t use a crutch–why are you putting cardboard into perfectly good rolling paper?