Shorts / Facebook Law for Idiots

Script

Facebook Law for Idiots

By CollegeHumor Writers

DAN
Recently, many of you posted this
message on your Facebook walls
(message appears), declaring that
by doing so, Facebook has no legal
right to your content. MURPH:
Here's what you're actually
declaring:
EMILY
I don't know how laws work.
ADAM
I think that legal terms are "magic
words" that can force people to do
what I want.
Image: close on the words "communique" and "aforementioned"
KEVIN
I believe that a wall post is a
binding legal contract that can
override a Terms of Service
agreement.
OWEN
The agreement I clicked "Yes" to
without reading in 2004.
DAN
I make kneejerk decisions based on
fear.
MURPH
Like an animal!
EMILY
Declaring something on your
Facebook wall doesn't make it true.
ADAM
Here's some other stuff you could
declare, and have the same impact:
MURPH
I am Koltrimac, King of
Pennsylvania!"
KEVIN
I am exempt from taxation,
alternate side parking, and talking
to my mom's friends.
OWEN
If you're seeing this, I now own
your car.
DAN
I get to have two bar mitzvahs."
ADAM
I am hereby immune to gonorrhea!
EMILY
If you're a guy and we're hanging
out, we're dating now.
OWEN
Cats love me as much as I love
them.
MURPH
Hogwarts is real and I have a shot.
ADAM
Also, if you're gonna copy and
paste legal terms, take a second
and Google them first.
DAN
Or Bing it. You could even Bing
that shit.
KEVIN
Here's some of the "high-powered
law talk" you pasted into your
status without checking:
OWEN
The Berne Convention is a
126-year-old Swiss treaty
MURPH
It has nothing to do with the
Internet!
EMILY
The Rome Statute governs the
prosecution of international war
criminals for genocide.
DAN
Unless you're posting "ROFL just
gassed 20,000 Canadians" -- this
one does not apply.
ADAM
And let's talk about the word
"Communiqué" for a second. Just
because a word sounds fancy and
French, that doesn't make it
legally binding.
KEVIN
Here's something that's never
happened!
ADAM
(AS JUDGE)
(Oh, it's a communiqué? Case
closed!
(Bangs gavel.)
It's a communiqué everyone!"
OWEN
Here are some more fancy words that
mean nothing in a court of law.
DAN
Vis a vis.
EMILY
Rendezvous.
MURPH
Hors d'ouevres.
ADAM
Lingerie.
KEVIN
Accoutrements.
OWEN
Armoire.
EMILY
Panache.
MURPH
Eiffel Tower.
KEVIN
In conclusion, stop being a Dumb
Darrell.
DAN
A Gullible Gus.
OWEN
And an Uninformed Umberto.
ADAM
Thanks for watching and remember,
if you enjoyed this video, send it
to ten friends in the next ten
minutes or you'll have bad sex for
the rest of your life.