Radio Joe Zenzola

Old Man Winter needs to die

by Radio Joe,posted Nov 24 2012 2:00PM

When I was I kid (boy, do I sound old saying that), we had a big sledding hill in our sub-division. Comprised of heaping amounts of dirt, the hill formulated due to the digging and development of our neighborhood back in 1994. Over time, it became a mountain. Growing up, I prayed for as much snow as possible. You can probably guess why…no school and lots and lots of sledding. All of my friends in our small neighborhood made a routine pilgrimage to the ‘big mountain’, as we called it, for an entire day’s worth of sledding, creating new slopes, having snowball fights, and forcing deliberate crash collisions while sending four sleds down the hill at once. “The more snow the better!” I use to say. Now, that I’ve grown up…

…I hate snow, cold weather, and the seasonal nightmare of winter (except for one specific time during the year. I’ll explain shortly).

First and foremost, I hate driving in it. My little 2001 Honda CRV (the ultimate road-trip car, mind you) doesn’t have anti-lock brakes or four-wheel drive. While going through a blizzard, I’m out there driving like a little old woman, 20 under the speed limit. Back in high school, I crashed my car into a snow pole at night after a lane hadn’t been plowed. I lost complete control of my car because the brakes locked up. Another time, I almost rear-ended somebody because my car refused to come to a complete stop on a snowy road. So, any time I depart while it’s snowing, I always fear of a bigger accident. With all the commuting I do between K-town and Milwaukee, I pray that I can get through the winter without driving through too many snow storms. Snow has become my worst enemy.

Secondly, just the thought of being cold, gives me the chills (no pun intended). I’m convinced my bedroom has poor insulation. Of all the rooms in our house, mine is the coldest; perhaps colder than the basement! To make matters worse, there’s only one vent in my room! When I sleep, I have four layers of blankets, including a heated-blanket. Even though, I manage to sleep well, I dread getting out of bed in the morning. My parents do the best they can to save money on heating, especially when they’re not home. Since I’m the only Zenzola in the house on the weekdays, why would they want to keep the heat on just for me? I don’t even bother to argue…

I also hate when my hands are super dry; I hate scraping ice and snow off my car; I hate shoveling it off the drive way. Winter does not put me in the best of moods…

Finally, with old man winter kicking me in the butt, I can’t improve on my golf game. No wonder why the top professionals in the world come from the south! If I could play year-round, my odds of breaking 40 would greatly increase. Instead, my game is put on hold for close to five months. Indoor driving ranges and my little putt-putt in the basement is fine and dandy, but it doesn’t improve anything. The only way you can measure your game is by playing the course. It’s a recurring theme every year, though, with my golf game. I struggle between March and May, get things moving from June to August, and then I’m on fire going into October.

Here’s the only thing I like about winter – cross country skiing. Although I’ve grown out of sledding, cross-country skiing is a hell of a workout! I pray for a ton of snow when I’m in Door County. Our timeshare has a large trail going around the property and through the woods. Their snowmobiles create ski tracks, allowing us to glide through the snow. Plus, I enjoy the peaceful atmosphere, the wonderful and distant sounds of nature, and taking in the fresh air while skiing through the beautiful scenery of Door County.

No matter how far I go in this business, I would prefer to stay in Wisconsin. I’m crazy, right?! Outside of the insanely brutal winters, the other three seasons are great! At least in Wisconsin, the threat of earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes are obsolete. A few thunderstorms and a rare tornado are easy to cope with. When winter rolls around, though, get me as far away from this state as possible.

Luckily for 18 days in January, I’ll be in a slightly warmer climate – Europe. In London, it’s typically in the 50s, while Barcelona gets close to 60-70 degrees. Munich will probably be just like Wisconsin, though (thank God, I won’t have to drive!)

Speaking of Europe, if you’re a fan of European soccer (or football), stay tuned for some soccer blogs as I get closer to my trip…

But yes, if winter ceased to exist, I doubt the majority of the world would miss it.