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Blog Silence

I wrote a whole post last night about what I wanted to talk about today. It was angry at times and sad at others. Part of it was explaining my silence lately around here and then it just stopped making excuses.

That post? I wrote it in my head. I didn't jot down notes by my bedside to remember what to write later. I knew I'd forget half of the words I was going to want to say. I knew this and still I sit here trying to compose something to tell you.

Why the blog silence? I just know it's time to put blogging on the back burner right now. I don't have time to dedicate a post every day. I have put myself into such a tight schedule that blogging, let alone writing, has taken the back seat. Work, studying, my little family, and Saturday naps have taken the wheel. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

How did I know that I wouldn't feel blog guilt for not being here? When did I figure out that blogging is part of me but not the biggest part? Why am I letting this space not be as important as it used to be?

I'm a working mom. When I'm not working, I'm studying. When I'm not studying, I'm trying to get as much time with my family as I can. When I'm not doing those things, I sneak in a nap or some exercise...mostly napping, though. I know there are a lot of bloggers that do all these things and more, but I'm okay with not being able to do everything.

When my blog design went to crap last week, I didn't really freak out. That's how I knew. I knew that although I love this space that I've created, I know that it doesn't pay my bills or give me the 4.0 grade point average I strive for, and it doesn't give me kisses and cuddles.

It's the space that lets me express what I'm feeling when I need to - it helps me be brave when I can't be in real life. This blog has changed me so much this past year. This place has given me irreplaceable friendships. A sisterhood I could never have even imagined before blogging. And all of that is wonderful, don't get me wrong.

Yet, I just can't keep up. I can't keep up with responding to comments. It's hard for me to promote my blog posts everywhere all the time. I will never be able to put into this blog what all the other bloggers do. I just don't think I want to anymore.

I do know this, though. I know that this space, my coffee-n-ink, isn't going anywhere. I know I'll keep this place to visit when I can. I'll still write here and just be me. Not some superwoman who can do it all. Not the blogger extraordinaire that has content every day. Some days, I won't write probably. Some weeks, I might even write everyday.

That's what I can handle right now. I don't need to be a bad-ass. I just need to be me. All Nay. All the Time.