When it comes to sex education, more is better

When it comes to sex education and teens, everyone seems to have an opinion.

And that's a good thing because at least we're talking. It's a good start in dealing with issues of rising rates of teen births and sexually transmitted diseases.

Last month, I wrote a column that took local school districts to task for omitting the topic of teenage pregnancy prevention from their health education classes. That column riled some Register readers who felt that parents, not schools, should step up and talk about sex with their teens .

One reader, Jack Dean, wrote that handing out condoms and birth control is not a school's job. "Sex, just like religion, should be taught in the home, not wasting time at school."

Another reader, Glen Collard, commented that we shouldn't expect school teachers and administrators to be "all things to all people."

Lisa McMains of Irvine wonders why we don't hold parents accountable for teaching their children about sex education: "â¦What is sadly true is that most parents simply want to sweep that responsibility away, along with many other parental responsibilities, and blame the schools."

Parents do need to have these conversations. And as I've written in the past, open communication between parents and their children about issues like sex can help teens make the right choices. But it shouldn't be an either/or decision, dumping all responsibility solely on parents or schools.

Even if parents are doing a "wonderful job" at home, it doesn't eliminate the need to teach sex education at school, says Deborah M. Roffman, a nationally certified sexuality and family life educator and author of several books including "Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense about Sex."

"Both families and schools play a role in supporting their healthy growth and development, but the role that parents play in that process is not the same as the school's role," said Roffman. "Parents have all kinds of opportunities for teachable moments in which they can impart information, (and) also clarify their values, and help kids set standards."

Recently, I sat down with 19-year-old Taylor Laehle, a sophomore at Fullerton College who graduated from Brea Olinda High School. Laehle said students were taught sex education in her freshman health class. But she added that she'd been getting those lessons, in school, since at least age11. She also said Laehle said her parents began having straight-forward, age appropriate conversations about the consequences of having sex.

"I think a lot of people are so afraid to bring up sex because they're afraid they'll introduce it to these kids, but the truth is they're already introduced to it so pretending it doesn't exist is not helping at all," said Laehle, who estimates that a majority of the girls in her high school class lost their virginity by their sophomore or junior year.

Knowing she could turn to her parents allowed her to openly discuss her questions, Laehle said. But she added that wasn't true for many of her friends. Looking back, Laehle wishes her health course in school could have dedicated more time on STDs and pregnancy prevention, though she noted that having a health educator at school gave students someone to turn to for questions.

"I don't think that any student, any child, should go without being informed," said Laehle, now an intern at Planned Parenthood of Orange and San Bernardino Counties.

Last year, in a statewide poll by the nonprofit Public Health Institute, an overwhelming majority (89 percent) of California parents said they want students to receive comprehensive sex education that includes information about contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases.

With 37.8 births per 1000 teens in California, with skyrocketing STD infection rates, clearly there is a need for more education at home andat school. Many people operate under the myth that if you talk openly with kids about sex, that you're giving them permission to have sex, said Roffman. Just the opposite is true, she points out.

"We act as if the knowledge itself is inherently dangerous and you have to keep a tight lid on it. And the fact is many of us are uncomfortable. But if you look at the world our children are being raised in, the default option for them is popular culture," said Roffman.

"We can't just let popular mythology continue to give us excuses not to deal with kids in the real world."

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