April 24, 2014

Definitely not drunk

One of my goals for 2014 is to write more honestly about my life in this space.

Right now, a lot of my energy is going into working on myself.

While that may sound all new age-y and gooey, I promise you that it's not. Not gooey. Not fuzzy. And not as fun as say, watching an Orange is the New Black marathon.

For a girl whose primary purpose over the past 48 years has been to feel good, let's just say I'm in a major adjustment phase.

Writing honestly about my life doesn't mean I don't have at least three to four more good posts about my missing Aunt Flo. Believe me. I do. We haven't even touched on adult onset acne and hot flashes from the very depths of Hell.

It doesn't mean I'm not going to post about scrapbooking, because I'm actually really good at scrapbooking.

But it does mean I'm going to occasionally write about stuff that is less shiny because it's taking up a huge chunk of my mental space right now.

I have appreciated the comments and feedback on recent posts. I may not respond to every comment, but I read them all and I thank you for your thoughtful commentary.

Putting vulnerable stuff out there doesn't mean I have thicker skin than you. Believe me, I don't.

I'm just trying to get to some truth as to the hows and whys of my own life and because I love to write, I share them here.

But it also means that when I find myself feeling afraid to write what I really want to write, more than ever it's time to hit the post button and try to lose my fear of judgment.

Because operating from a place of fear will f@#k you up. It's okay if everyone doesn't like me.

48 Comments

I know I speak for a lot of people when I say thank you for being honest and putting your true self out there. I love knowing that other people are going through similar stuff as I am. And I don't think its a misery loves company thing, but more of a hey I'm not in this alone kind of thing. So please keep putting stuff out there because I will definitely be reading :)

The past two years have been the most trying times of my life. My health fell apart and with it all of my confidence in myself. I started out from a place of peace and it all went to you-know-where. I decided right at the beginning that I was going to be completely honest and talk about what was going on. I have been amazed with how many people are suffering with similar issues, although for different reasons. I never would have known that I had this huge group of support without opening my mouth. I think that operating from a place of honesty (even thought it is painfully difficult at times) just feels the best to me. I will tell you anything - all about our finances (doing better), my weight (207 this morning - up forty pounds since all of my health issues started and still trying to scrounge up enough confidence that I am worth doing something about it), or how I feel. You go girl! Do what feels the best to your soul and don't look back.

'Yo Shizzle is 'fo real and I'm diggin it.
On a more serious note because the balance is so important - it really is creating a space where those of us who are also trying to work it out can keep moving forward knowing we are not alone.
Thank you for writing.

I love that you are so honest in a public forum, especially in an industry where the "perfect life" syndrome runs so rampant--your work is so important! Looking at scrapbooking blogs can feel so "ugh" when everyone's posting their "I love my life!" pages and you're barely making it through the week. Your writing is a breath of fresh, realistic air that I can always relate to :)

Go for it. Not that you do it for this reason but love reading your blog, makes me feel less alone, makes me think, makes me laugh and sometimes cry. Really do appreciate you sharing and processing it all with us. Thank you.

Cathy, I've been reading your blog for a long time, and I so appreciate your perspective, honesty, creativity, and the fact that you're willing to share so much with us. I started listening to the Weight and Wellness nutritionists because of you, subsequently changed my diet dramatically, and am still on the path to better health (often straying, but still fighting the good fight !). I've learned so much from you, and I'm so glad you're still willing to show up and do what you do :-)
P.s. And your scrapbooking continues to rock!

I've never had a problem with any topic you've posted - yay for honesty and a lack of sugar coating on life. As Ari said, so much of the scrap booking industry is full of "I love my life" and "so Happy". Enough!
I also love the way you can put a humorous twist on your serious posts - not to make them any less serious, but at least to give us a little smile as we read them.

Just remember that not everyone is perfect. At least you recognize your weak points, not everyone does. And if they don't like you, they shouldn't or wouldn't be reading your blog. Hang in there and we're with you,

Fo me - I have always secretly loved the fact that we are similar, same age, same profession, unintentionally similar hairstyle and glasses ( I looked like this even before I knew you looked like you !) boys of a similar age, similar outlook on life, no nonsense approach to scrapping.

Personally I would stop reading if you sold out and started publishing the "blessed, happy" highlights of your life, so heres to our lives - warts and all.

Just chiming in to say that I really appreciate your candour about the various "non-shiny" parts of life. Also, I'm in total sympathy re the adult acne! Your blog sits at the top of my reader and I can't see that changing anytime soon.

I love your posts. They touch me. Although I may not have the exact same issues as you are having, it's good to know we all go through the same types of things. We all have challenes. And I think you are funny as hell! LOL!! You have taught me so much; in both scrapbooking and life. Keep typing!

the 'OK if everyone doesn't like me' .... pls don't even go there. There are so many of us who LOVE you that anyone else DOES NOT matter!!! It always amazes me when/if someone posts a 'mean girl' comment. Why not just go away. Don't read the blog. Let the rest of us enjoy you. :)

Cathy, thank you for being so real. The problem with the world today is that people walk around with a facade instead of sharing the load. As I have aged, I have realised that perfection does not exist even with the most beautiful people you see out there. I have suffered greatly in my life, health issues and major losses of loved ones. What has got me through you might ask? or maybe not.... lol but people like you Cathy. People who live in other continents, but are going through exactly the same stuff I do..... makes me realise I am not alone, I am not different, I am not singled out. I have followed you since I met you in 2006 (Australia) keep staying true to yourself and anyone who doesn't like it, well..... they don't have to read it do they. :)

Oh, a big bottle of red wine. For sure. Ever since I tried to do rum shots in—gasp—high school and threw up, I have stayed away from the hard stuff pretty much my entire life. Not even a margarita. I'm a red wine girl all the way.

Rita, you've been with me a long time here. I was having a conversation with my best friend, also a person who puts stuff out there for public consumption, and yes, I might judge a post written by someone and will even think snarky things about it… I'll admit it. But I would never post something mean, nor would I probably post something that I felt truly needed to be said if it meant dressing someone down.
I guess does that mean someone who is mean in public instead of behind the scenes is more authentic? Or just a mean person? Like seeing all the nasty stuff people post on YouTube in the comments. Unless you're 12, why would you do that?

Like I said, I don't have thick skin, but I'm working to be defined. To be who I am. Next thing you know, I'll be swearing like a sailor....

Gigi, I do like the universal connection. And yes, if people don't like it, they have so many other online choices. There is a blogger I used to LOVe and now, maybe I read her work once every few months. I didn't need to tell her why I didn't want to read her anymore. I just don't. Moving on. I don't know more than she knows. I'm not smarter than her. I just didn't need what she was offering. There's no real hurt there, or offense.

In another note, that trip to Australia and NZ? Trip of a freaking lifetime.

It's never my full intention to create a misery loves company, but I'll admit, there is a bit of that in there in that i'm writing and looking for commiseration at times. For sure. But this is an interesting time in life. Middle aged. It IS middle aged, too. For real. I think as a scrapbooker there's change as well, of course, with kids moving out of the house and such, but just life in general. I am learning there is no real, "Okay, whew... I MADE IT! Now I can chill out," kind of thing happening.

That, and the stuff I'm learning as I work through my stuff, well, it's life changing, hard and enlightening, all at the same time. : )

I have read your blog for years, and it is a daily read for me...I have to say that I have loved reading about your journey and watching you grow in your career as a blogger/parent/ spouse/ relationship builder. I hope you continue to share your journey...and I just have to say that your blog home will give you much comfort and support as you go through the upcoming phases of Aiden leaving home....and then when Cole takes those steps, and then the empty nest, and retirement stages. Keep at it, as your voice just makes you stronger and wiser. Thanks for sharing your story...I enjoy every post. This coming from a person that has gone through these stages....and am happy for each day that I read about your journey.

I echo Janel's comments...could not have said it better. I will add that I am not much of a blog hopper, but a day without your latest post, is not an option. I chuckle at the fact that all my scrap buddies know exactly who I am talking about when I mention 'Cathy.' And more times than not, a discussion will ensue from your latest blog topic. You have touched so many...thank you.

I so enjoy reading your posts Cathy, it's a kinda therapy without the cost! I can identify totally - I'm five years older than you (how on earth did I get to this age and yes - survived!) I'm also an empty nester which was such a change for me as I had my first child at 19 followed by my second at 29 and she left home 18 months ago so for nigh on 30 years, I had a child at home! Big change when none of them are here anymore! Also, all the other life changes - your posts make me realise that we're all in this together and I'm not alone :) I thank you for that!

Red wine here too. However, I do love a Mojito in the summer. I'm always looking for a good Pinot Noir, so if you've got any recommendations, throw them my way. My high school drunk (took 20 min in all) - Peach Schnapps. Still don't know what I was thinking.

Please, please talk about adult acne, I didn't even get acne during puberty so I'm not coping with it at all, or the extra facial hair!! On the plus side the hot flushes have lessened and I don't miss Aunt Flo at all, although occasionally she tries to come back - I say bugger off permanently love! I love your honesty and wish I had you as a real friend rather than a blog-friend. Although we are going through the same things physically, you're kids are moving out while mine are in Grade 3. Keep up the fun blogging I will keep reading.

You go on with your bad self Cathy! I am usually a lurker here but had to comment. THANK YOU for even mentioning adult acne and hot flashes from the pits of hell! I love truth telling writers the best! Be the real you! That is why most of us are here!

Love your eloquent way of saying menopause really sucks.... the personal summer going on in my body is so not cool. I love that you write about it and put yourself out there for everyone... being afraid to is natural but does it help to know you help others with your words? Keep writing and sharing-there will always be someone who needs to hear what you have to say.