Monday, May 17, 2010

I don't know who I am. It is the first time since my resurrection that I set down and write about my thoughts. I needed to do this since along time ago. Writing has always helped me to arrange my thoughts and solve my problems in my pre-resurrection organic life. I wonder if it can help me now. The first step to solve any problem is to determine the problem as precise as possible. So, what is my problem? Why do I feel that lost? It is all because of my resurrection. I have always felt weird about it even before it happened. I delayed it as much as possible. In 2435 I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Clearly, this was not a surprise. Since my birth, my genetic profile has indicated high potentiality of lung Cancer after the age of 60. Thanks to my heavy smoking habit, it was inevitable. I have always known that. Maryem, Nouran, Haytham, and all my friends told me to undergo resurrection as soon as I was diagnosed. They thought it is unnecessary to pay extra money for cancer treatment as long as resurrection will be done sooner or later. However, I thought it was better to enjoy the more familiar organic life as long as it is possible. So, I had my cancer treated. Since then I continued to manage any other health problem with the traditional organo-medical ways. I replaced my heart, my liver, my eyes, and most of my digestive system. All those replacements cost me a fortune, but I have never regretted making them as long as I continued to exist in the all old way of flesh and blood. However, by the age of 80, I had to make the decision. My genetic profile revealed the high possibility of brain deterioration by the age of 75. Maryem has always reminded of this. I resisted her wish to undergo resurrection before the age of 70. However, by the age of 80, I was not able to mask the signs of brain deterioration any more. "Do it for me, before it is too late" she has always said to me. So, I did it.

I still remember the day I went to the "Ever After" institution to download my brain data. The strangest moment in that day was when I first saw my Mecha-body. Maryem was so happy with it. I remember her saying delightfully that she can't wait to make love to this handsome guy. It was an exact replica of me in my twenties. It looked young, strong, but above all it looked eternal. However, I couldn’t resist this feeling that this body standing in front of me was not me. How could it be me when it is standing there staring challengingly right into my face. I remember telling myself that if this body could talk it would say "go ahead old man, I can't wait to replace you." Eng. Suleiman Morad, my resurrection manager, told me then that it is normal to feel strange about the whole thing, but he told me I won't feel that strange when my Mecha-Body is activated. No matter what he could say to me, I returned back home that day feeling that I have just signed my death certificate.

The other day that I can never forget was the day of the resurrection ceremony. It was seven days after seeing my replica. I sat down on what they called the eternity throne right in the middle of a wide circular hall. My throne was floating in the air, about four meters above the floor. There was another throne right in front of me. On it, he was there staring at me with the same challenging look. Almost all my relatives, friends and colleagues were sitting along the sides of the resurrection hall. Each one of them was holding a fancy gift, gifts which will be given to this man who is supposed to become me after few moments. Maryem, my son, and my daughter were sitting in the first row to my right. They were happily looking at me and my replica, anticipating the beginning of my eternal life. Beneath our thrones, a circle of about 20 meters diameter was left empty except for a cloud of white fumes. On the walls, there were holographic pictures of the most important moments in my past life. In one of those pictures I was celebrating my graduation. In another I was standing by Maryem in our wedding day. There were lots of pictures of me and Maryem with Haytham and Nouran in different stages of their life. I looked at those pictures, remembering how I felt happy in all of those moments. I couldn’t help myself wondering if I will ever get to feel this happy ever again. The ceiling was made of a massive glass dome revealing the sunny sky behind it. The sky was beautiful that day, so peaceful and more eternal than anything could ever be. Far on the wall in front of me there was a wide holographic TV screen. I was waiting for them to play the movie that I felt might be the only thing that would reassure me in this acquared situation. A recorded movie was played on this screen of my mother and father smiling on me and encouraging me to start what they called my trip to eternity. They looked young, healthy and strong. They have undergone resurrection since twenty years ago before my own resurrection. They have recorded this message just one day after their own resurrection. I haven't seen them since that day. They are supposed to be yet on their way to planet Aquarius. By the time they played that video, it was supposed to still take them about 80 years to reach there. Thanks to the international laws of resurrection, I, just like all Mecha-Humans, was legally bounded to migrate to Aquarius soon after resurrection. I guess the only thing that made me feel good about resurrection was that I was going to see them soon. My Mother looked at me right in the eyes and said with a smile on her lips "don't hesitate to take the bill; I can't wait to see you again dear". I looked on the bill lying in another floating plate beneath my right hand. That bill was supposed to end the life of my organic life painlessly while inducing a euphoric and an amnesic state as well. Once my organic body is put to rest, the vitality sensors in my throne would send an activation signal to my Mecha-body. I took the bill out of the plate. I raised it to my eyes. I stared at it, and then I stared at my Mecha-body. I looked at my wife, my son and my daughter. I thought it is not a big deal if all of this is nothing but the creation of a soul-less image of me that will soon be thrown into space. As long as this is going to make those people, whom I have cared for the most, happy, then I will do it. I viewed the pictures on the walls for one last time. I, then looked right on the smiley face of my mother on the TV Screen, and while I was staring at her loving eyes I swallowed the bill. In a minute, I felt enormously happy. I think it was the bill causing me this euphoria. This was my last memory in my organic body. The very next thing I can remember was myself staring at an old dead man sitting on a floating throne. That man was me.

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About Me

Here, I am just expressing my ideas about life and how to live. My writings will cover different fields but they will be focused mainly on psychology and philosophy. I am still in the middle of my academic studying of those fields. I was intending not to write anything before my ideas get mature enough. Any way I thought no one can ever claim to develop mature enough ideas when it comes to such deep issues. So why not share my ideas with others? My ideas might still be in a process of becoming better, stronger and more developed but so are the ideas of everyone…