Mass Panic In Ireland As Trump Promises To Visit In Wake Of Hurricane Ophelia

GALWAY—As the island of Ireland braced itself for its first category 3 hurricane in history, the country was dealt a further blow Sunday night as US President Donald Trump pledged to visit “as soon as possible”.

“I shall be visiting Ireland very shortly,” were the chilling words heard by up to 5 million Irish citizens, who responded to Trump on social media by reassuring him they were “absolutely grand” and currently have all the paper towels they need.

“Hurricane Ophelia we’re more than prepared for,” Irish President Michael D. Higgins told CNN, “but a visit from President Trump is just the last thing we need right now.”

Ireland’s last hurricane was in 1961 and President Higgins admitted the country could ill afford another one, for fear it may attract Trump again.

“Maybe in the US where this type of thing happens all the time, but here, we’re just not equipped for someone like him. We just don’t have the infrastructure.”

At press time, it remains unconfirmed whether or not Trump realises Ireland is not part of the United States.