Oh, DUMBFUCK – would that you had only listened to me rather than giving in to your inner demons when you ran across someone more intelligent, more focused and more dedicated than you (though I think we both know that’s not saying much).

He had his chances. For nearly two years all he needed to do was walk away, and I would have disappeared. But he couldn’t do it, the racist, woman-hating, disability faking coward. Even at the moment of his “soulmate”‘s passing, he was checking email and moderating comments in the next room.

Two (or four, or six) can play that game, though. And by his rules, continue to kick his ass.

But never let it be said that I was unwilling to give a sporting chance!

A shade over two years ago, I made one final offer. I told him if he could eat a Carolina Reaper* (a mere 1.89 million Scoville units) and post the full video by February 15, 2016, I would delete this blog ON THE SAME DAY. I knew he would never do it.

No video was posted, and The Thinking Man’s Zombie endures.

And now he is out of options. Even a coyote will sacrifice a limb to get out of a trap, but Bill’s just a monkey with his hand stuck in a jar.

He lacks the smarts to solve this problem, and he compounds it by thinking he’s earned the treat in the jar just by knowing it’s there.

If you want to know why Paul Krendler continues, the answer is simple:

Murum aries attigit.

*Isn’t the name of that pepper doubly ironic now that he has relocated to South Carolina for a new fiancé, I mean sweetie, whoops, that should probably read Captive Nurse 2.0 by now, after causing (in my opinion) his soulmate’s death by failing to mobilize the vaunted resources of his massive Rolodex of contacts at the National Institutes for Health?

I recall this coming from an old advice column (either Dear Abby or Ask Ann Landers, I don’t remember which), but considering the toll that Year One of Trump has obviously taken on the #ResistWeMuch movement, I thought this “Stress Diet” ought to be renamed the “#Resistance Diet” and shared anew:

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they will cancel each other out everywhere except your rotting maw, which is going to get fixed. Any day now.

Calories don’t count if you eat with someone else, as long as you both eat the same amount.

Food taken for medicinal purposes does not count. This includes hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Johnnie Walker (any color), Sara Lee chocolate cake, Baker’s Square pie and and milkshakes where bananas might be in the same room as the blender.

If you hang around people fatter than you, you will look thinner.

Snacks consumed during movies do not count because they are part of the entertainment experience. These include Milk Duds, Goobers, Raisinets, Junior Mints, Gummi Bears, popcorn with butter, Twizzlers, Skittles and M&Ms.

Broken cookies contain no calories because all the calories have escaped.

All the calories in a bag of chocolate chips are contained in a single morsel, so find that one and throw it away before starting. Don’t just set it aside. Remember, all your energy for #resisting should be dedicated to Trump, not Temptation.

Late night snacks are also calorie free. The light from the refrigerator is not strong enough for the calories to find their way into the calorie counter. However, do be wary of turning on other lights in the kitchen.

How could I – PatrickPaulGradyKrendler (heh. A-ha-ha. BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Seriously…we’re not the same person.) – have forgotten that today is the three year anniversary of the day Patrick Grady appeared in Maryland to contest a Peace Order Petition filed by a pussy who ran like the mangy cur he is for the hills rather than face the confrontation he begged for before and after that date, hoping we would all somehow forget the snail-trail his sniveling vagina left as he waddled up into the hills above Elkridge?

It boggles the mind that I might have a rich and rewarding life that would distract me from such a milestone event, doesn’t it?

I noted with much hilarity the lies that DUMBFUCK told early this morning on Twitter in response to the posts that appeared just after midnight.

I remember Grady sneaking into Maryland to file his RO to allow him to keep harassing me while taking away my ability to respond. I also remember how one of your stupid commenters on the super seekrit blog talked about "Paul" being in Maryland. I know Grady LIKES to sneak! …

PERJURY: A Class 3 Felony in Illinois

Here is one of those pesky little facts that people sometimes don’t think about until it’s too late. For instance, did you know that in the state of Illinois perjury is defined as a class III felony? It’s true!
So, let’s use this case as a hypothetical. Suppose someone sent me a summons which I received today, in which he states material falsehoods. And let’s say that the person who received the summons, for the purpose of illustration, me, can prove that the falsehoods are, in fact, falsehoods.
For instance, in the complaint, in this hypothetical stalking/no contact petition, the petitioner states, under oath, that the respondent, hypothetically me, called his employer on September 2 to ask for personal information. Let’s continue the supposition, with the fact that the respondent can produce his telephone records and has already reviewed those telephone records as a customer of consumer cellular. These records, show not only did the respondant not call any number that is related to the petitioners place of employment, the respondent made no telephone calls at all on September 2.
To continue with our hypothetical, what sort of trouble would the petitioner be in by signing a document under penalty of perjury me that contains a provable falsehood?
And suppose this same petitioner swore under oath, under penalty of perjury me, that the respondent, hypothetically me, contacted the petitioner ‘s employer by email and “accused” him of misuse of office equipment. The petitioner would have to prove that, would he not? And if the respondent can show his email records for that day, and there is no such email listed, might that now not be grounds for a perjury charge?
So, hypothetically, we have a two provably false charges. One of the respondents proofs could be dismissed as it would be possible for the respondent to have altered his email list. But as the only telephones in use at the respondents hypothetical home are under the service of Consumer, and the respondent is not able to alter the phone call records on the consumer cellular website, and the hypothetical respondent has printed out those records for the month of September and October, and has offered them to, oh, let’s say, the Cook County clerk of courts, might not the petitioner find his ass in a particularly hot frying pan should he press these false allegations?
Just a little food for thought.
(720 ILCS 5/32‑2) (from Ch. 38, par. 32‑2)
Sec. 32‑2. Perjury.
(a) A person commits perjury when, under oath or affirmation, in a proceeding or in any other matter where by law such oath or affirmation is required, he makes a false statement, material to the issue or point in question, which he does not believe to be true.
(b) Proof of Falsity.
An indictment or information for perjury alleging that the offender, under oath, has made contradictory statements, material to the issue or point in question, in the same or in different proceedings, where such oath or affirmation is required, need not specify which statement is false. At the trial, the prosecution need not establish which statement is false.
(c) Admission of Falsity.
Where the contradictory statements are made in the same continuous trial, an admission by the offender in that same continuous trial of the falsity of a contradictory statement shall bar prosecution therefor under any provisions of this Code.
(d) A person shall be exempt from prosecution under subsection (a) of this Section if he is a peace officer who uses a false or fictitious name in the enforcement of the criminal laws, and such use is approved in writing as provided in Section 10‑1 of “The Liquor Control Act of 1934″, as amended, Section 5 of “An Act in relation to the use of an assumed name in the conduct or transaction of business in this State”, approved July 17, 1941, as amended, or Section 2605‑200 of the Department of State Police Law (20 ILCS 2605/2605‑200). However, this exemption shall not apply to testimony in judicial proceedings where the identity of the peace officer is material to the issue, and he is ordered by the court to disclose his identity.
(e) Sentence.
Perjury is a Class 3 felony.

“OOOH!! I’m gonna send you to jail for perjury if you don’t shut up and go away!”

Of course this was three years ago, when there might still have been one person on earth who thought you might be able to back up your bullshit, DUMBFUCK, so instead of everyone ignoring your bluster and nothing happening like today,

Well this is new. Telling someone if he lies about you under oath he’s committing perjury is extortion?

I like hypotheticals don’t you?
For instance in yesterday’s post I offered a hypothetical situation in which a person tells a lie in a document signed under penalty of perjury, suggesting that the person being lied about can prove it’s a lie. In this hypothetical, I suggested that a person who signed the document might be best served it to not proceed with the lie, told under oath, because perjury is a class III felony in the state of Illinois.
In this hypothetical situation, the hypothetical petitioner having signed this document of lies under oath, is now complaining about extortion. Hypothetically, this displays a severe lack of grasp on reality. It’s much like would-be murderer complaining that reporting his contemplated crime to the police if he decides to go through that would be extortion.
It would be extortion if the hypothetical respondant in this case told the hypothetical petitioner that he would rat out the hypothetical petitioner to the cops unless he forked over $1 million.
But that’s not the case in this hypothetical. In this case the hypothetical respondent is merely stating that if a crime is committed against him, and perjury is a class III felony in Illinois, that he will report this crime to the proper authorities. The hypothetical petitioner can do one of two things:
1. He can withdraw his complaint and thereby not commit the crime of perjury which, if convicted thereof, could land his caboose in the calaboose for 2 to 5 years.
2. He could continue in his hypothetical reckless course of action, obtain a stalking/no contact order by lying on a document signed under penalty of perjury and then hypothetically deal with the consequences of his crime.
BY THE BY, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A TEXTBOOK EXAMPLE OF EXTORTION...THAT WAS IT. -PKSo, the lesson learned here, is that it is silly to suggest that a potential crime victim is extorting the person contemplating committing the potential crime against him by stating, loudly and clearly, that if the criminal goes ahead with his crime, the victim will prosecute vigorously, angrily, and to the fullest extent of the law.
Remember, our hypothetical victim here has phone records that prove the hypothetical criminal is a liar. All the hypothetical criminal has to do is not commit the crime, and there will be no need for prosecution. That is not extortion. That’s just good advice.

As I recall, the outcome defaulted to option 2. More on that later.

Next came this (again, an archived link from a deleted blog). Oh, say, that reminds me! Does anyone know how many blogs DUMBFUCK has created and deleted (or had removed) since he first set out to have this one taken down? Because as an internet takedown superhero, he tends to dig a lot of bullets out of his own feet.

Will Grady/Krendler have to prove the truth behind his allegations. Yes or no?
Will a Cook County judge just take him at his word? Si o no?
If Grady/Krendler can’t provide the name of the person I spoke to, can he win his case? Ja oder nein?
If Krendler/Grady can’t produce a true copy of the email he says I sent, will the judge just take the word of a self-described manic depressive? Hai o Ie?
Should Grader/Krendly shut down this little cluster diddle he’sCreated for himself before it’s too late
Or is it already too late?

Pro se leeguhl jeenyus journimalist can’t even count to one.

He just kept intimating that victory was assured, and all he had to do was show up. What a revelation it might have been if he actually had.

As late as Thursday November 6th, DUMBFUCK was puffing himself up, the pretend badass, in this archived post:

Zombie WANT Hearing? Zombie GET Hearing.

Did I Say ‘Talk To You MONDAY?’ Sorry. I Was Mistaken. I’ll Talk To You FRIDAY!

And as soon as he’s under oath, we can get to the bottom of THIS question.

See? You wanted to fuck, Patrick. So? Let’s fuck.

It’s worth a pause here to remind DUMBFUCK that it’s perfectly acceptable to come out of the closet as a homosexual late in life (look how well it’s working out for Kevin Spacey!). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if your PROGRESSIVE Fakinson’s impotence is gone like your inability to drive once temporarily deserted you, and you want to fuck men, DUMBFUCK, I encourage you to go right ahead and get after it. LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY HIGH! But please wear a condom so you don’t bring anything home to the balloon fiance with the industrial paper shredder where its mouth belongs, because that’s just impolite. Please don’t worry about anyone thinking less of you.

No one could.

But I digress…

Here we see the pure enthusiasm DUMBFUCK possessed on November 7th of 2014. He was just itchingto get into the courtroom!

Posted on November 13, 2014 in True Conservative Sleaze
Don’t bother showing up in District Court tomorrow. I won’t be there. I am not going to press my case against poor, insane, Patrick G. Grady.
No, this is not a WJJ Hoge-inspired lie. I am not telling you to stay home so I can have an uncontested victory.
I’m telling you to stay home, because I will not be there.
Because you know you have no chance to win, in spite of all the shit you spewed in the prior week? Probably a good decision. But you know what's not a good decision? Taking anything you say seriously, and then tailoring behavior as if it's true. For example: "Hey, DUMBFUCK says he won't show up! Guess I don't have to be there at all."
That's not a good decision. 80% of success is showing up.
Think about this for a moment, those of you capable of such a thing as “abstract thought.”
"Abstract thought?" Do you mean, for example, the failure to draw a moral equivalence between calling a Senate candidate accused of hitting on teenage girls some forty years ago (when, it should be noted, he was a Democrat) a "kiddie diddler" but not saying the same of a convicted criminal whose authorized biography paints him as grooming a ten year old to marry him, some...let me see...FORTY YEARS AGO?
That kind of abstract thought?
Peace Order? WTF? Do I really think Patrick Fucking Grady is going to come to my house, beat me up or kill me?

We'll discuss his fantasies when he comes down here, either to murder me like he keeps suggesting, or when I see his flabby ass in court.

Apparently so!
I can’t ask non-humans to behave like human adults.
GS-13 fake journimalist, heal thyself.
So, I am just going to end it.
But only metaphorically...and only temporarily. Hold those party favors.
I spoke to the Clerk of Courts, and she said that they couldn’t just drop the case, but if I don’t show up, then they’ll dismiss.
Of course, you’ll lie about the reasons. That’s what you do. You lie. You are inveterate liars.
Uhhh...yeah. Right.
There are two kinds of people in the world. Creators and destroyers. Decent people and people like Bill Schmalfeldt and his friends.
You are destroyers.decent people. You Others create, you shitBill Schmalfeldt lies and shits on the things they create and try to destroy the person who created them.
You will look at my reasons for my decision, which are lies, and you will lie about them, and I am out of shits to give.
Don't worry, your shit delivery is on its way and wow, how prescient is this three years later? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I am going to let this blog stand until the weekend. Then it, and everything I can find with my name on it, will come off the Internet.
Riiiiight!
You can’t have me. I don’t want to play with the stupid kids any more. I have a short time left, and I want to use it for productive purposes.
If Bill Schmalfeldt doesn't want to play with the stupid kids anymore, and all he can do is play with himself...
...well the joke just writes itself.
Mock me.
Okay!
Whatever. Make fun of me.
Will do!
I give a shit.
I thought you said you were all out of shits to give...like two paragraphs ago. That Fakinson's dementia is the real deal, isn't it?
All the funny “footlong and mayo” jokes that you repeat to each other like 3-year olds who got a rise out of mommy and daddy when they said “poopy!”
Always...ALWAYS WITH THE BUTT STUFF, amirite?
Go right on ahead.
I can pencil you in for mockery on Thursday at about 7:45 PM, does that work for you? Pointage and laughery cost extra.
For you, as of this moment, Bill Schmalfeldt ceases to exist. I am not going to let you run my life. I am going to create.
Before:After:
I will come up with a pen name and use it exclusively. You may find it entertaining to hunt me down. But you won’t find me.

I know, right? For fuck’s sake, WHERE COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE??? How long before you jump up and scream “HEY!!! WHY AREN’T YOU LOOKING FOR ME??? I’M FILING ANOTHER LOLSUIT!!”

Consider this a break-up.
Oh, IF ONLY WE COULD GET SO LUCKY...
And finally?
Fuck each and every one of you.
YOU DO YOU. I'LL TAKE A PASS.

Anyway, that was fun, but way off point. Back to the issue at hand.

Patrick Grady didn’t sneak anywhere. Bill Schmalfeldt ran for the hills, away from the battle he said he wanted, and which he quickly – and erroneously – rejoined.

Patrick Grady took his restraining order and went home. Has barely been heard from since. Lord only knows what he’s doing today.

Over in the comments of this post at Sonoran Conservative, a John Doe commenter mentions something called a supersedeas, or appeal bond.

This was a new term of legal art for me. But, they say you learn something new every day. I’ll let Wikipedia explain:\

After litigation and a civilcourt ruling, the losing party can appeal against the judgment. At this point, both the plaintiff and defendant could have similar kinds of concerns. An appeal takes time and can be dragged out in some cases for many years. After the case (and any other processes) are finally decided, whichever party wins will perhaps be more “out of pocket” from its costs. Also time will have passed, and the losing party may be bankrupt or have used the time to frustrate any potential future payments in the event of losing.

Therefore, it is often either a requirement of the law, or a possible point in a ruling, that prior to commencing its appeal processes, the losing party must provide a surety bond – money it pays to the court or a third party, to demonstrate its good faith, intention and commitment to meeting the ruling if it loses, and in some cases to show that their appeal is not frivolous or merely a tactic to delay or avoid payment. This is known as a supersedeas (or “appeal”) bond, and shows that they can and will cover the damages or fees awarded – including any additional costs of the appeal.

The bond may not be – and often is not – the exact value of the ruling. In some cases it is significantly larger since it is planned to cover interest or other costs which may arise on appeal.

A supersedeas bond is often paid in full – and may be handled via insurance or underwriting in some cases.

What are some of the advantages of a supersedeas bond?

Obtaining a supersedeas bond may appear to be judicial red tape; however, it serves the best interest of the defendant and plaintiff. The appellant uses a supersedeas bond to stay the execution of the judgment, meaning appellant does not have to pay the full amount of the judgment until the appellate court makes a ruling and then only if the ruling is to affirm the judgment. A surety bond also replaces the need for collateral. The plaintiff, or party to whom the money judgment is awarded, is fully protected by the bond and ensured payment, that is if the appealing party can afford the bond.

Interesting stuff.

Big takeaway?

Appeals are NOT FREE, even for a poor, poor, judgment proof pitiful pro se pauper.

STUPID Lying Motherfucker Bill Schmalfeldt left a comment at the Artisan Craft Blog yesterday which is deserving of some special attention…

You obviously do not have a copy of the first e-mail I sent to Ms. Hinckley. I, however, do.

Hey, what a coincidence! So do I! Although the copy I was provided had the images redacted, because most people (present company excluded) had more respect for your wife’s dignity than you did.

The one where I wrote, “As your husband was one of the people suggesting my wife’s death was a scam I was trying to pull on people, I feel you deserve to see this picture. If it gets published anywhere, I will know who did it as it hasn’t been published anywhere else.” A normal person would read that as an instruction to NOT publish the picture. But look at who spread the picture around…

No, a normal person would read that as the weak roar of a toothless lion who already knows that once he presses the SEND button, that picture is gonna get published, and that lion is not interested in PREVENTING its publication but is in fact ACTIVELY FACILITATING IT. And in telegraphing that he knows there is absolutely nothing he can do to stop it, and nothing he can do to anyone (like me) who chooses to publish it.

Oh, wait… the COPS sent it to Grady!
No, it was the authorities in Carroll County! THOSE bastards sent the photo to Grady.

Wrong and wrong. No one sent it to Grady.

Someone sent it to me. The email said Mort in Maryland. I think that name might have been fake.

Grady was the first one to publish it.

Wrong again.

Now, because karma, Grady no longer has a wife.

Oh, please…please expand on the unique knowledge that you have of Grady’s divorce, all while trying to explain how HE’S STALKING YOU, YOU STUPID LYING MOTHERFUCKER.