Monumental

March 27, 2012

Plenty of documentarians of late have attempted to isolate the nation’s various ills, but almost none of them have provided a proper solution to the fundamental crumbling of basic American values that is threatening to destroy all of its families, apparently. So in troubled times such as these that we are ostensibly having, now more than ever do we need someone like Kirk Cameron—who, as a father of six, is thus invested six times over in saving the country for his kids, much as he has previously saved the world from the Antichrist and addictions to Internet pornography in previous movies like Left Behind and Fireproof. And in his new film, Monumental—debuting in 500-plus theaters for one night only on March 27—Cameron does just that, embarking upon a hunt for America’s lost history, and once again making this nation safe for Christians.

After staring pensively at various doomsayers as they outline the many ways in which we are “headed for disaster,” Cameron sets out on a fact-ish-finding mission that takes him all across the country (and judging by the trailer, most of it on foot). Tireless in his quest to ferret out where we went astray by staring pensively at stuff, Cameron stares pensively at all sorts of stuff in all sorts of places—in the park, in open fields, in his driveway over a cup of coffee—until, finally, he’s staring pensively at national monuments, colonial villages, and Pilgrim artifacts, and discovering the secret solution to our problems that has been staring us pensively in the face all this time. No spoilers, but it is highly likely this solution involves Jesus.