Category Archives: Archaic

I have been reading lots of material on the subject on how polygamy is more beneficial for women than for men, and vice versa, the difficulties of monogamy, natural laws, the implicit monogamy of marriage, commitment and the failure to stick to it. I am far from done, yet, and I will write the conclusions I have reached from studies, articles and personal experience.

Let´s bare in mind that monogamy was brought into light, as part of property rights, and private economics. A contract accepted in the always concerned eyes of the state (according to its definition), for us to have certain obligations beyond emotional, spiritual…and then here we have Confucius words of wisdom:

“

Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and in love, in order to continue the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at those at the altars to the spirits of the land and grain.

Amazingly, surprisingly…marriage, and exclusive monogamous relationship is in fact a tool invented in a male dominated system for it proves that marriage is more beneficial for men than for women. That said, and it being a contract of exclusiveness, and lifetime commitment to one, do not be foolish enough to overlook the nanoarticle where it says: but we still have the whorehouse. Bringing us back to the polygamy debate.

These days, we’re both feminists. In feminism, we’ve found a language to describe the challenges inherent to being multifaceted, complex people in a society that reduces us to pink and blue, and we’ve found alternatives to buying into that society. Being heterosexual has afforded us many privileges, but it also has allowed us plenty of opportunities to challenge assumptions about what heterosexual marriage should be. This summer, I’ll be enrolling in full-time law school while Patrick takes over all of the household responsibilities. Eventually, Patrick would like to take some time off work to focus on writing. We’ve even discussed living apart for travel and internship opportunities.

Whatever we do, I’m confident that it won’t be motivated by the guilt that drove the early part of our relationship. While our marriage may not look like the ones we knew growing up, it works for us. We married a friend, but we got an ally.

I wouldn´t say that´s being feminist, I would say that is pure simple common sense. Back to the sex, which is the one thing that keeps the flaming argument hot and interesting. So the need of extramarital sex, the link between multiorgasm to multipartners, the length of a lifetime commitment if you think about it, it’s a known fact, there is that need, it exists, we cannot neglect it, it is a possibility as Jay Michaelson states on his article inspired by the whole Tiger debacle.

On a personal note, I have never looked for sexual engagements outside my relations, never had an unoficial affair; BUT I did say, it´s a possibility and it´s there. I did ask for opinion (not permission) to have a sexual encounter outside the partnership with a former boyfriend. Obviously the answer was very heartbreaking, and one has to be above all things honest but yet, empathetic. So now, when I say that as a sexual being, there is more than a possibility of me having affairs outside the couple, I can see how women (the biggest defenders of monogamy) and men (the biggest defenders of polygamy) pass mentally judgements on me. Even those that ferociously defend open marriages. But, for men. Because let´s face it, this world is fucking sexist.Still. And that just simply kills me. To admit the reality, to let in your mind a wide place for that world of possibilities, is what keeps us mentally in track. If by marrying, starting a family, committing to a career, we neglect that world of possibilities (whether if it is a sexual affair or climbing the Everest) is not only dangerous but also counterproductive to man´s nature. And realistically, would you rather have a free individual as your life partner or an individual swimming in the whole protocol of roles, monogamous game?. Specially now in a transgender society… (I should do another poll)

So to the question, would you like to marry? the answer is YES. Now to the question would you marry? the answer is NO.

Find your terms, the ones in which your life and your love life makes sense and feels right. That´s the key to it.

It is that time of the year, again. And how much do I love this festivity by the Swedes. Ever since I was a kid and my parents took me to the Luciafest at the Swedish School in Madrid. I like Sweden, and the Swedes. True date. Let´s celebrate the light and the day of this martyr Saint, here is the link to wikipedia to learn her story. And Swedish is a beautiful language. I will miss my dear Swedish friend Joanna, whom I went to church last year and cried our hearts out while drinking that dreadful glühweinm and in case you wonder a Mass in Swedish and German, is hell on Earth. And I will also miss that gorgeous Swede I met at White Trash, while dancing with my love, dear, girlfriend Greta. I am not religious at all, but I like this whole chanting thing. Makes my heart happy.

Lots of love and light and of course LUCIA.

And to me, this is the beginning of Christmas . Oh my, do I love Christmas.

xxx

L

UPDATE: To celebrate, I will be going here tomorrow http://thecoppergate.com/. If you are near Ballard, or Seattle area, join me.

Today we were supposed to hit the lake and have a joyous Saturday. News are, it´s pissing down here in Berlin-OH!. So, decided to download Family Man´s latest album instead, and enjoy a day home with some good tunes. This is what I call a perfect plan B.