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Friday, August 9, 2013

Some Hardest Things I've Ever Done

This week I did some of the hardest things I've ever done in my weight loss journey thus far.

An hour and a half ago I finished an eleven-mile run. I was scheduled for 10-12, so I had said I would do eleven. At about mile 8 I started thinking maybe I would just stop at ten miles. However, I had already told my neighbor (who ran with me for the middle three miles) and a few other people I was running eleven miles this week, so I knew I just couldn't quit early. Oh, but I wanted to so badly. I finally decided I couldn't quit and even if I had to slow up to finish I had to hit eleven. And I did. Of course, I felt great emotionally about it even if I didn't feel so great physically. This half marathon is no joke.

Twice this week I also put my needs first, even though it kind of made me feel bad. Last night I had to call a mom who was running an hour late to pick up her daughter and inform her I was leaving the daughter with another mom at our church because I had to leave. It wasn't super late, but I knew I needed to get home and get myself to bed to be well rested for this run. Normally I would just hang out with her, but this time I said to myself, "You know what...there is someone else who is already planning on staying here, so you need to take care of your needs."

Another night we were invited to hang out at some friends for a little bit after church and my teens desperately wanted to go. I just couldn't. I was having a bit of an internal struggle with food that evening, plus I had to run the next morning (summertime runs mean getting up early, requiring earlier bedtimes). As hard as it was to "disappoint" my kids, I told them I needed to get to bed to run. * I did not tell them about my struggle with knowing I had reached my calorie budget for the day and I just didn't feel strong enough to go somewhere where there would be food.

Instead I broke down and called my friend Stephanie about the food struggle. This was very hard for me to do. Despite the fact that I am a very open person, I was embarrassed to call her and basically cry about the fact that I want to lose these last couple of pounds, but it was so hard to not have a snack in the evening. I think I even told her I watch shows like The Biggest Loser or Extreme Weight Loss and sometimes I envy that they can have a meltdown about wanting to eat something, but knowing they shouldn't and their coach is right there to get them through it. I knew she would understand and she did.

She just listened and allowed me to really say nothing other than, "It's so hard, but I know I always give in right at these moments and it's why I've maintained this last year." There was no great words of wisdom, nothing I didn't already know, but there was the much love and support in a simple comment, "I know." She does know and as embarrassing as it was to allow myself to be so openly raw I'm so glad I reached out.

I think the hard things I did this week are situations in life we must go through when we strive for any kind of success. We have to press through the things we never thought possible, even when we want to quit. We have to be willing to reach out to those that have been there before us and learn from them. And sometimes we even have to make ourselves and our goals a priority.

The struggles are not always forever, but if we press through they will make the forever that much better.

*Note: About the night my teens didn't get to go to the friends house late...one of the girls told me, "Well, I'm bummed we can't go, but I understand why and I would probably do the same thing." I was so thankful for her maturity in that moment. :)