Esther Onions: words

The idea for The Alternative Baby Keepsake Book came to me when I was given a baby memory book following the birth of my second daughter. No, it wasn't a book for improving your newborn's memory - even the most ferocious tiger mum might baulk at that - but a book for documenting your baby's milestones. And blimey, it was dull.

​Who, I pondered, flipping through the pastel pages, would care in 20 years about the exact date their baby first ate finger food? Why, I mused, would anyone decades down the line be interested to know the day on which their baby first rolled over?

When I look back on my pregnancies and the early days with my children, what sticks out for me are the gloriously funny, frequently mortifying, thingsthat happened. The glee-inducing tales friends and family, especially the babies in question when they're older, love hearing over and over again.

So I created a keepsake book which celebrates all the not-so-magical but never-should-be-forgotten moments of bringing a baby into the world. It covers everything from the cack-handed comments your other half made when you were pregnant ("Ahoy mateys, thar she blows!" is one I recall with particular chagrin) to the most pointless baby product purchased (wee cones - are they taking the piss? Cos they sure as hell aren't catching it). Then there's the buttock-clenchingly embarrassing things your baby does in public, such as a steaming great poo-nami just as someone at the next table tucks into a panini, and all those not-so-magical firsts, such as the first time you managed to sit down without releasing a string of expletives (or worse).

Unless you have the disposition and energy of Mary Poppins on gak, being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. If The Alternative Baby Keepsake Book gives you a titter at a time when all the usual sanity-saving tricks have gone out the window, I'll be chuffed. I'd also like to think that someone somewhere might find comfort in knowing they're not the only one to have improvised a nappy from a sanitary towel and a roll of sellotape.

Other stuffI've been a writer and editor for more than 25 years, which is astounding considering I'm only 39. This has included editing (under my real name) the UK's two most popular parenting websites, Mother and Baby and Gurgle, as well as a trio of parenting books for Collins.​I'm a mother of two and a stepmother of three, so I like to kid myself I know something about this parenting malarkey. But actually, just like everybody else, I'm winging it.

Peter King: pictures

Peter King has been creating cartoons for more than 20 years for an impressive client list including Punch, Private Eye, The Oldie, The Spectator and Reader's Digest.​​Peter was voted Gag Cartoonist of the Year 2007 by The Cartoon Arts Trust.