Turn-ons: If you want to know everything about modern society, here's Exhibit A. Convicted first-degree murderess Jodi Arias is now writing book reviews for her 77,000 followers on Twitter. The murderer as celebrity. Her first review: "Just finished 'To Kill a Mockingbird,' which I managed to avoid reading in HS. I understand now why it's a classic. Good read." Of course you missed it in high school - you dropped out. Let's see if "Mockingbird" sales go through the roof, like when Oprah praises a book. I'm thinking of sending my book, "You Want Fries With That?" to Arias. Since my book is now selling for one penny on eBay, her endorsement couldn't hurt. ONE PENNY! Life is cheap.

Turnoffs: Here's the problem with real sports. They're unpredictable. Just wait till we see the ratings for the final week of Wimbledon. Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova all lost in early rounds. They're the only recognizable faces for nontennis fans. Andy Murray is a big draw, but only in England. Novak Djokovic is the best player, but he's not a celebrity off the court. The rest of the top players could be eating at the next table in Luby's, and nobody would know who they were.

So Houston Rockets management plus players James Harden and Chandler Parsons met with Dwight Howard in Los Angeles. Howard reportedly told the Rockets he'd consider coming here, but he wants the team to sign a third superstar. Obviously, he meant himself and Harden … plus one more. He said that right in front of Parsons?

Last year, Jeremy Lin was one of the biggest stories in the NBA - beloved in New York and top seller of T-shirts and memorabilia. After one year with the Rockets, he's part of a garage sale. You want him?

Ideal home: Notice to parents of young kids. The all-new Wiggles lineup (only Anthony is left from the originals) will perform Sept. 13 at Bayou Center. I met the then-unknown Wiggles 13 years ago when they played in the back of the Zany Brainy toy store on Weslayan and Bissonnet. They had to move a bunch of easels and chairs to give them room. From there, the Wiggles from Australia began playing bigger venues, like the Arena Theatre, the Summit and Toyota Center. Scalpers were getting double face value. I went through all the kids acts - Thomas, Barney, Sesame Street, Teletubbies - the only one I didn't have to fake like was the Wiggles. Their music is like early British Invasion, except the songs are about washing your hands and eating your vegetables - no "Let's Spend the Night Together."

Janie is available for adoption at Citizens for Animal Protection, www.cap4pets.org, 17555 Katy Freeway. Call 281-497-0591.

Name: Janie. But this Janie doesn't got a gun, although that's a great song by Aerosmith.

Ethnicity: I'm a rat terrier. In the history of worst names, rat terrier has to be a Top 10. It's a beautiful breed. Whoever named this breed is a dirty rat.

Birthdate: Feb. 14, 2013. And they call it "Puppy Love."

Turn-ons: If you want to know everything about modern society, here's Exhibit A. Convicted first-degree murderess Jodi Arias is now writing book reviews for her 77,000 followers on Twitter. The murderer as celebrity. Her first review: "Just finished 'To Kill a Mockingbird,' which I managed to avoid reading in HS. I understand now why it's a classic. Good read." Of course you missed it in high school - you dropped out. Let's see if "Mockingbird" sales go through the roof, like when Oprah praises a book. I'm thinking of sending my book, "You Want Fries With That?" to Arias. Since my book is now selling for one penny on eBay, her endorsement couldn't hurt. ONE PENNY! Life is cheap.

Turnoffs: Here's the problem with real sports. They're unpredictable. Just wait till we see the ratings for the final week of Wimbledon. Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova all lost in early rounds. They're the only recognizable faces for nontennis fans. Andy Murray is a big draw, but only in England. Novak Djokovic is the best player, but he's not a celebrity off the court. The rest of the top players could be eating at the next table in Luby's, and nobody would know who they were.

So Houston Rockets management plus players James Harden and Chandler Parsons met with Dwight Howard in Los Angeles. Howard reportedly told the Rockets he'd consider coming here, but he wants the team to sign a third superstar. Obviously, he meant himself and Harden … plus one more. He said that right in front of Parsons?

Last year, Jeremy Lin was one of the biggest stories in the NBA - beloved in New York and top seller of T-shirts and memorabilia. After one year with the Rockets, he's part of a garage sale. You want him?

Ideal home: Notice to parents of young kids. The all-new Wiggles lineup (only Anthony is left from the originals) will perform Sept. 13 at Bayou Center. I met the then-unknown Wiggles 13 years ago when they played in the back of the Zany Brainy toy store on Weslayan and Bissonnet. They had to move a bunch of easels and chairs to give them room. From there, the Wiggles from Australia began playing bigger venues, like the Arena Theatre, the Summit and Toyota Center. Scalpers were getting double face value. I went through all the kids acts - Thomas, Barney, Sesame Street, Teletubbies - the only one I didn't have to fake like was the Wiggles. Their music is like early British Invasion, except the songs are about washing your hands and eating your vegetables - no "Let's Spend the Night Together."

Ken Hoffman

Janie is available for adoption at Citizens for Animal Protection, www.cap4pets.org, 17555 Katy Freeway. Call 281-497-0591.