Paradox
A Full Moon o Sagashite Fanfiction
By Azurite
sailor_andromida@yahoo.com

A couple
of notes before we begin...

(1) SPOILERS
UP TO THE END OF THE ANIME SERIES! Yes yes, I know the anime isn't
done yet, but I've seen up to 34, heard about episodes 35-49, and I have
a pretty good guess as to what will happen in 50-52. Of course, being
a fanfiction writer, I take some liberties with what I haven't seen...
and obviously, there are differences between the anime and the manga.
This is anime based, as I've *just* started reading the manga. Keep that
in mind, please?

(2) I call
it 'Full Moon o Sagashite' because the character for 'o' used is not PRONOUNCED
nor WRITTEN as 'wo' when romanized. The 'w' is merely added to differentiate
between the other 'o' syllable in the Japanese language, which is much
newer. The older 'o' is used as a particle for verbs-- for example, verbs
like 'sagashite.' For the record, 'sagashite' does NOT mean 'Searching,'
but 'Sagaru' does. 'Sagaru' can also mean 'To search for,' but NOT 'In
Search of.' Get it? The te-from of verbs is incomplete; it's usually used
to LIST things, or be followed by a verb that indicates tense. Essentially,
it's impossible to translate the title of FMoS. ^^;

(3) I
DO NOT OWN FMoS! Arina Tanemura does-- you know her well; she's
the author of such hits as 'Kamizake Kaitou Jeanne' and 'Time Stranger
Kyoko.' But I refuse to put this fanfiction in the KKJ section because
IT DOESN'T BELONG THERE! Regardless of sharing the same author, the two
animes/mangas are ENTIRELY different, and FMoS fics DO NOT belong in the
KKJ section. Keep petitioning the people at FFnet to add a FMoS section!
Members of the LiveJournal community meroko have emailed the people at
ffnet (newcategory@fanfiction.net) with the reasons why we need an FMoS
section, and what fics they have (seen) for it... now you should do the
same!

(4) This
is SO my idea. I didn't spend 6 hours watching FMoS so someone could steal
my idea. I work hard on my fanfiction; I do my best to spell chec, be
thorough, accurate, and entertaining. As always, I plan on posting this
on my site once everything gets cleaned up. Do pay a visit to it if you
have the free time, and if you like this, review! It keeps me writing!
=D

...and now,
on with the story...

I wonder
what happened to her... the lead singer of Route L... after the band broke
up, no one heard from her ever again...

"Wakaouji-sensei
was in Route L with papa... oh, I wish I knew more about Papa..."

Mitsuki turned
over as she slept, mumbling to herself. Her arms were wrapped around herself
in a vain attempt to warm her body; despite the blankets piled on top
of her, the young girl was prone to getting night chills, even in these
warm nights. She didn't have much time left, after all... spring was here,
and if anything, Kouyama Mitsuki had only a few more weeks to go before
the sarcoma in her throat killed her.

Slouched
not far away from her bedside, the Shinigami Takuto sat, eyes wide open.
As of late, he'd been questioning everything-- why didn't he need to sleep,
eat, or breathe? Why did he become a Shinigami? Why... why did Mitsuki
have to die? Why did HE have to be the one to take her soul?

She didn't
deserve to die. She hadn't even begun to LIVE yet.

Yet she
says she's had no regrets. She's gotten to sing, she knows the truth about
Eichi... But how can she regret what she hasn't had the chance to do?
Mitsuki...

Takuto's
gaze was tender, yet in the depths of his eyes lay sympathy, and an undying
sadness. Anyone who had the ability to see a god of death such as Takuto
might have wondered what caused the boy to look so very pained.

*Earlier*

"...want
to thank you very much for all of your support. I'll never forget any
of you, and I hope more than anything that you won't forget me. I love
you all." Full Moon -otherwise known as Mitsuki- bowed deeply before
walking towards the camcorder and pressing the stop button. She glanced
at Takuto, whose gaze was riveted on her. She could tell he was upset
about this -about everything she'd said- but she'd had to do it. They
both sighed quietly, and Takuto snapped his fingers, undoing the transformation
from Full Moon to Mitsuki.

The nearly-mature
form of the 16-year-old girl shrunk, her hair straightening somewhat and
coloring itself a deep brown. This was nothing new to Takuto, nor the
other Shinigami present, Meroko, but what the transformation didn't reveal
-the changes INSIDE Mitsuki- were what changed everything. Inside, a malignant
tumor appeared, grew, multiplied, wrapping itself around her vocal cords.
It was close to one of the main arteries that gave blood from Mitsuki's
heart to her brain-- that was why surgery was such a delicate matter where
she was involved. The only way for it to be done successfully was to remove
Mitsuki's vocal cords entirely-- and Mitsuki had said, time and time again,
she was less afraid of death, and more afraid of not being able to sing.
Even after finding out what happened to Eichi, she held firmly onto this
belief...

Mitsuki collapsed
onto her knees, suddenly finding it very difficult to breathe. Her throat
was constricted, the sound of her heartbeat pounding in her ears like
a rocket taking off less than a foot away. Everything was hot and spinning,
radiating clear waves...

"Mitsuki!"
Takuto was at her side in less than a minute, helping the girl up. She
coughed into her hands, her face quickly growing red while she pinched
her eyes shut. There was no way for this to happen painlessly...

When Mitsuki's
hand fell to her side, blood coated her palm. Takuto only stared at it
for a moment before wiping it away and sitting her upright, shaking her.

"Mitsuki!
Mitsuki! Don't faint on me!" Meroko moved forward as well, unsure
what to do. She knew that Takuto had made a promise to Mitsuki-- to protect
her, to save her life, to ensure that she wasn't in pain... but she knew,
just as well as Takuto and Mitsuki did, that this was impossible. Mitsuki
was dying.

"Un...
T...Takuto?" Mitsuki murmured. She still bore traces of blood on
her lips, which Takuto immediately wiped away with a cloth. He carried
her to her bed, carefully tucking her in and wiping her brow with a damp
rag.

"You
should rest." He insisted, his tail stiff. Despite Mitsuki being
more mature than many of the other child cases Shinigami like Takuto and
Meroko handled, she wasn't adult yet. Takuto and Meroko agreed that keeping
their 'cute' appearances would soothe Mitsuki some-- thought neither of
them could have predicted how attached Takuto would grow to his charge...
nor she him.

Once it was
assured that the twelve year old was asleep, Meroko sat beside Takuto,
her magenta eyes glimmering. Takuto wasn't the only one having problems
with all this. He wasn't the only one that felt something for Mitsuki.
Albeit, Meroko didn't LOVE her, not the way Takuto did...

But she did
her job. Meroko didn't recall any of her past, knew that she was just
doing her job. Time passed for her, but she never aged... never truly
felt it as things around her changed, but she stayed the same. This was
how her 'life' was meant to be, as a Shinigami. An escort to the dead.

"She
doesn't have much time, Takuto." Meroko murmured, playing with the
ruffles on her sleeves. Looking at Takuto, she saw only the same dark
stubbornness that had been in his eyes for nearly a season. He was determined,
even now, with Mitsuki's death on the horizon, to save her.

Even Ooshige
and Wakaouji had backed away. Once Mitsuki started to cough more violently,
faint more often, Grandmother Kouyama had pulled her out of school. Wakaouji
wanted to perform the operation, but Mitsuki flatly refused. It didn't
matter that she'd accomplished what she wanted, that she didn't have any
regrets about singing or Eichi any longer.

She knew
that she had to die.

Mitsuki had
spent her waking hours organizing her things, writing letters, and filming
a tape to her fans as Full Moon. Even Mitsuki realized that it was all
coming to an end-- even SHE had accepted it, but Takuto still couldn't.

He just wanted
to see her smile again.

Whenever
he closed his eyes, all he saw was her-- her smiling, her bright eyes
glimmering. Her angelic form, her haunting voice... whether as Full Moon,
with her 16-year-old body, her bright blonde hair, and her crystal eyes...
or as Mitsuki, with such a genki disposition, a caring heart, chocolate
hair spun into curls, and fathomless brown eyes...

The male
Shinigami shook his head, waking himself to the real world.

"There's
still a way to save her." Takuto whispered, just loud enough for
Meroko to hear. She blinked twice, confused. But...

"Takuto..."
She lay a gentle gloved hand on his shoulder. "We can't interfere
with her death. Her destiny says..."

"DAMN
DESTINY, MEROKO!" Takuto yelled, standing up. Meroko squeaked in
surprise, and when the room filled with silence again, the two Shinigami
looked at Mitsuki. She still lay asleep.

Takuto refused
to meet Meroko's gaze, instead choosing to stare out the window, where
a nearly full moon was reaching its peak in the diamond-studded sky.

"We
made mistakes in our human lives, Takuto. Big ones. I don't remember what
I did, and I don't think I care to. But you remember yours... and being
here, trying to save her... when you can't even be with her..." Meroko
was running out of words, running out of a way to explain this. How could
she be so hurtful to someone that meant so much to her? It wasn't fair--
Takuto loved someone they all knew he could never have, could never see,
could never be with. If it wasn't for some strange fluke that allowed
Mitsuki to see them, then none of this would have happened...

Mitsuki wouldn't
know she was destined to die in a year...

She wouldn't
have impossible dreams about becoming a singer...

Full Moon
never would have existed...

"So
I'll be a ghost." Takuto mumbled.

"DON'T
SAY THAT, TAKUTO!" Meroko cried, tears falling freely now. She'd
hit her arm on the shelf, but didn't bother to lift her arm, where a cut
quickly appeared, and started to bleed. How did Shinigami even injure
themselves...?

Takuto got
up wordlessly, making his way to Meroko's side. He pulled several towels
from the roll at Mitsuki's bedside and dabbed them in thlow Shinigami's
injury. The bunny-girl winced, biting her lip. Too many times, Takuto
had made it apparent that he didn't look kindly on Meroko's whining or
squealing. In the past, she hadn't cared, and she'd gone right on loving
him... but now, things were different, and Meroko found it harder to be
as cheerful and dismissive as she had been.

"I told
you, Takuto," Meroko murmured, her bangs hiding her face, "I
love you. I don't want you to end up being stuck here on Earth."

"If
I'm with Mitsuki, then maybe..."

"But
you won't be!" Meroko shouted, her heart lurching. Takuto wasn't
a full Shinigami; he was a mere Replica, a half-Shinigami at best. His
powers were limited, and if he didn't collect Mitsuki's soul when she
died, then...

Our job
is to make sure that people die when they are supposed to... that nothing
changes their destiny. If someone has no regrets, then they will be willing
to give their soul to us and come to the spirit realm...

Or at least,
that was what Meroko knew. She also knew that being in the Replica state
was the most dangerous one for a Shinigami-- half or not. If Takuto's
memories came back completely, they would bind him to Earth... and he
would never go to the Spirit Realm ever again. Not as a human soul, not
as a Shinigami. Not ever.

"...you
can't, Takuto. Ghosts... their eternity is even worse than ours. At least
as Shinigami--"

"Do
you think it's easy to do this?!" Takuto demanded, staring Meroko
directly in the eyes. Never had she seen him so... serious before. Angry,
maybe, determined, of course, but...

"You
and I both know that whatever we did when we were humans," Takuto
swallowed, unwelcome visions of his past flitting before his eyes, "Caused
us to become Shinigami. This is a punishment. Our only salvation is that
we don't remember what led us here. But the fact remains... our job is
to ensure that people DIE. We take the souls of people... whether they're
in pain or not. Don't you understand, Meroko? We're KILLERS!"

"...No,
Takuto, it's you who doesn't understand." The bunny Shinigami stood,
her arms lax at her side. She had few words for Takuto anymore. He had
already given up long ago; it didn't seem as if there was anything she
could say or do to change his mind. Meroko closed her eyes, willing the
tears to stop flowing... and she walked through the wall, pushing her
wings with reluctance as she moved to the roof.

Back inside
Mitsuki's room, Takuto stared at the ceiling that Meroko disappeared into.
His heart stung from her words; he knew on some level that she was right.
But she never bothered to understand where HE was coming from --memories
or not, he hated having to take the souls of people... old, young... sick,
healthy... men, women... none of it mattered. This *was* a punishment.
He didn't take any amusement in his abilities of transformation. Even
when Mitsuki transformed into Full Moon, his heart lurched-- it was all
just a painful reminder...

Life was
short.

It had been
for him, it had been for Meroko, and it would be for Mitsuki. Mitsuki
didn't deserve to die now, not when she had the chance to live. She'd
said she was afraid of never being able to sing again, but Takuto realized
that after she'd accomplished her dream -had been truly happy, truly experienced
what stardom offered- that there was no need for her to continue refusing
the operation. In Dr. Wakaouji's hands, it was likely there was a way
for the sarcoma to be removed without much damage to her vocal cords.
Between producing her album, getting back into the music business himself,
and working part-time at the hospital, Wakaouji researched endlessly.
He believed there was a way... but Mitsuki still refused.

Ooshige,
Ms. Tanaka, Grandmother Kouyama... everyone had begged Mitsuki to reconsider.
But once Mitsuki said no the first time, it was useless. Grandmother Kouyama
had been the first to back down. There was too much of Hazuki in Mitsuki,
and trying to fight against Mitsuki's desire would only hasten the girl's
death.

Takuto glanced
at Mitsuki, and noticed that her face was crunched in pain. Sweatbeads
had formed on her brow, and she was clutching her blankets in an iron
grip. But there was nothing he could do. He'd tried to console himself,
tried to believe that maybe there was some way they could avert destiny...
but unless Mitsuki got that operation, there wouldn't be any way.

She refused
the operation because of him.

And that
was a terrible feeling to live with. He'd promised her that he'd save
her, that HE'D be the one to take away her pain. When he'd said it, he'd
meant it-- it hadn't been a lie, but now it was as transparent as glass.
Nothing that he'd said had any real weight to it.

Mitsuki was
going to die, and somehow, it was all his fault.

He moved
closer to her, wishing that, in the same way his blood transformed her
body into a mature, healthy one, he could find a way to keep her -just
the way she was- but healthy. Children didn't deserve to die... MITSUKI
didn't deserve to die...

"Mitsuki,"
Takuto whispered, taking hold of one of the girl's hands, "I... I
love you. And I'm sorry."

He leaned
back and accepted his memories as they came to him; being with Mitsuki
somehow brought about the revival of everything he had known as a human.
Years before...

It would
be a while before things would change. He didn't know HOW he would become
trapped on Earth, or even what it would mean for Mitsuki, who still carried
the blood of transformation within her. He would become a ghost... and
whether or not Mitsuki saw him, at least he would always watch over her.
And maybe... maybe with him gone, she would agree to have that surgery
at last.

Takuto sighed
deeply, realizing that his memories as a Shinigami would soon fade. His
powers... everything about the Spirit Realm and the world Beyond... everything
would vanish from his mind, replaced by what he had known as Takuto Kira,
the human. Maybe he would stop seeing Meroko too. Suddenly, a pang of
regret struck Takuto. If he never saw Meroko again, he could never apologize.
He knew that Meroko was angry that he was in love with Mitsuki... angry
that they'd gotten so involved in someone's destiny... but... he couldn't
do it. He couldn't kill her. And if it meant giving up a life in Heaven,
a life eternal, then so be it.

Being a Shinigami
was nothing but Hell for Takuto, and Meroko knew it.

"I'm
sorry, Meroko. If I never see you again, then at least know that I'm sorry...
and I will miss you, for as long as I remember..."

He'd had
fun with Meroko. They'd been a great team...

Suddenly,
a strange chiming sound echoed throughout the room. Once, twice, three
times it rang, loudly and sharply, and yet there was no source. Takuto
looked around, wondering what was going on.

Suddenly,
he noticed the ceiling's color change, and through the distortion, Meroko
slid, feet first. The expression on her face was nothing short of despairing;
no smile graced her pink lips. Her eyes were red from crying, but Meroko
said nothing to Takuto.

For his part,
he was surprised he could still see Meroko. Perhaps the last of his memories
hadn't come after all. Was there something more...? Perhaps he had to
forget his life as a Shinigami first... but wouldn't that mean forgetting
Mitsuki?

No...
I can't forget her...!

Regret struck
the cat Shinigami once more; this time for not being more hesitant in
accepting his human past. If he forgot being a Shinigami, he would forget
Mitsuki... and he would be stuck on Earth, wandering without knowing anything
but how he'd lived an unfulfilling life as a human. Everything he'd seen
and felt-- everything that had changed him so much in the past year...
would be for naught!

"Wake
up, Mitsuki." Meroko murmured, shaking the girl awake.

"What
are you doing, Meroko?" Takuto asked, glaring. Mitsuki had been sleeping
somewhat peacefully, and to have Meroko come in and disturb her surely
couldn't be good...

Meroko looked
up at him, gloom swirling around her, "It's time."

MItsuki rubbed
her eyes as she sat up, her vision clearing as she spotted both Takuto
and Meroko in front of her.

Meroko gently
led Mitsuki over to a chair and sat her down, kneeling in front of her.

"Mitsuki,
it's time for you to come with us."

"..."
The brunette stared solemnly at the pink haired girl and nodded. Instead
of seeming sad -she wasn't crying a tear- Mitsuki seemed relaxed... much
like Sanada had before Izumi and Jonathan had--

"No!
Meroko!" Takuto cried, realizing what was happening. Meroko stood
up, a hand on Mitsuki's shoulder as she moved behind the girl, casting
a disappointed gaze at Takuto.

"Her
soul belongs to you, Takuto. It's you who must take it."

"No...
but..." Anything would have been better than this. Almost anything.
Anything but forgetting Mitsuki...

Meroko snapped
her fingers, and her 'cute' theme faded. Instead of a ruffled two-piece
outfit, Meroko now wore a simple white blouse and skirt, with long white
gloves up to her elbows. Her wings still sprouted from her back, and her
hair remained the same shocking pink color.

"Meroko..."
Mitsuki murmured, smiling somewhat, "You're an angel..."

Meroko shook
her head sadly, "No Mitsuki... YOU are."

Takuto's
head dropped-- having his memories didn't matter. Shinigami or human,
he would never be with Mitsuki. Being a Shinigami then, truly was punishment.
He still felt everything that humans did. He bled, he cried, he worried.
He loved. These were both blessings and curses. They were still so close
to being human, but somehow, still so far away...

"Takuto,
I can't do this. You have to. If we don't do it now, her soul will never
get to the Spirit Realm, and we can't say what will happen."

Now that
Takuto knew he wasn't trapped on Earth as a ghost, he knew that he would
return to the Spirit Realm. It was so selfish of him to think that maybe
there he could be with her at last...

Takuto sighed
deeply and withdrew a shining light from his palm. Like Izumi, the "weapon"
used to extract souls was a bow and arrow, only the human eye couldn't
see the arrow. This was some sort of concession to the humans -- at the
moment they were supposed to die, regardless of the circumstances, they
would see a Shinigami, and it was supposed to bring them some sort of
comfort. So, when their soul left their body, they would be in no pain...
and they would have no thoughts about being in pain...

Mitsuki's
eyes were closed, and she looked just as peaceful, sitting there, awaiting
death, as she had been sleeping only moments before.

"I know,
Meroko... and... thank you for everything." Mitsuki looked up at
Meroko the moment Takuto fired, and suddenly, the room was filled with
a brilliant light.

*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*

Ohohohoho...
I'm pure evil, ne? I know this chapter was probably mostly mush and recap,
but it's necessary to understand the inner workings of a Shinigami! Now,
like I said before, I haven't seen till the end of the series yet (or
even close to it, really) so I may be inaccurate about SOME Shinigami-ology
^^; But I'm reading the scanlations, watching the anime... and listening
non-stop to the music. Hopefully you liked this and will want more! I
sure want to write more! =D

PREVIEW FOR
NEXT CHAPTER:

"What
do you MEAN you don't know where Takuto is!?" Meroko demanded, hands
on her hips. Izumi stared right back at her, his own arms crossing his
chest.

"We
don't," He responded flatly, "Because we don't. This kind of
thing has never happened before."

Look forward
to it!

~Azurite

The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted.