Me & My Muse – Day 1700: The Seventeenth Ascent

Once again, we have arrived at another milestone. A mandatory and objective milestone that will unfortunately and undoubtedly beyond certainty include a totally different post from Day 1600 and a nearly identical post from Day 1500. I don’t know about you, but with it being Sunday, the LAST thing I want to to is spend the next 3-5 hours constructing a profoundly monumental and redundant display of my writing prowess.

I am sure that you are all aware of how things will transpire. (Another exciting redundancy as usual, but it’s still me from last time! The very same me from the 1600th entry! You don’t believe me, do you? Well, go back and read the 1600th entry and then go and tell me who’s lying. And while we’re on redundancies, how much longer is he going to recycle this piece of rubbish? I’m all about saving the environment, but recycling this for the fifteenth time in a row? My, what a milestone! I do need to applaud for your originality…if you had any! This is getting ridiculous! There hasn’t been anything original since entry 1000! Oh well. I need to acknowledge his busy life, as I am quite busy myself, re-narrating this over-narrated narration… For now, we will continue with this cheaply contrived recycled piece of milestone rubbish, rife with wit, dry humor, satire and sarcasm. Smashing! I don’t think that I will change a thing! Although I did change “1600th” to “1700th” and “fourteenth” to “fifteenth” but now we’re just nit-picking, aren’t we? And while we’re at it, why don’t we recycle almost everything in this entire post? Wait! What I just included was new! So much for sticking to my plan…*sigh*) I will leave an introspective entry and then shift my point of view to first person. (Blah blah blah. Redundant again! REDUNDANCY WARNING! How many more times are you going to recycle this? Wait! I’ve said that already! Well it’s a good thing that I have included that redundancy warning! Otherwise, you would not have been forewarned of said redundancies. What? Did you really think that I was going to forget about it? I remembered! Go me! I rock!) I would then provide a predictable reaction from my Muse’s intended absence.

In a sheer attempt at humor, I redundantly acknowledge the composition of this entry. How I talk about this being another milestone, and that this is just a slightly cheap reconstruction of an entry made 600 days ago. (Not quite. I made some subtle changes and included a note to the reader to reread the 1600th entry which would provide a basis of proof that I am the same narrator that narrated 700 days ago.) How original! You would have to be exhausted to pull off something like that! How I am aware of how things will transpire. How I would leave an introspective…wait! This is getting too redundant, and is on the brink of being extremely absurd and ridiculous. Is it too late to start over? (Genius! Considering that you already typed the first two paragraphs, I would just delete them. Just be sure to save my interjections. They’re pure gold, I tell you! Nevermind…You kept them…) With that, we will press on.

Blah blah blah…Long profound…wait! This is redundant! Wasn’t this mentioned in day 1600? We know what happens next already. The overdone exposition about the Muse and why she is not here, approaching the tower (Yes. This tower is different from the one that you saw in Day 1600. It always is! It’s different every 100 posts!) Let’s avoid the redundancy about being redundant, shall we?

But, breaking away from the overly astute sarcastic narrations that get more and more repetitive and redundant with the passing of each 100th post, I notice that this tower is… different. Yes. The tower is a little bit taller (About 100 stories taller, to be exact! My are we smart!), but just to be sure. We will have a look inside and see…

Time to recycle some text from my previous entry, with some subtle edits to make it resemble something slightly different, with the attempt of sounding original and new, since these milestone posts would be boring without that. (I’m all for originality! Let’s be brave! Let’s make something slightly different so that no one will ever notice!)

After standing there for a while, I finally entered through the door. Sure enough, the same field was there. (We should really change the scenery a little bit. Maybe in a later one, perhaps? But this is entry 1700! Maybe we should change it soon…) I was surrounded by the same lush greenery as before. (The greenery was so green that Kyle was overjoyed with ecstasy from the overwhelming greenness.) Clovers and wildflowers. Yellow, orange, and red leaves. A sea of color. Nothing was different from what I experienced 100 days ago. (Except for everything else in this entry that I changed so far. My, am I on a roll today!)

The colorful luminescent sea led to a rather tall structure that sat far in the distance. A tall structure that looked even taller than before. Again, this was getting too predictable, having already experienced this before. And quite redundant. Every 100 entries, the tower’s a little bigger. We get it.

The tower looked like a skyscraper that a child would live in. A colorful office building – for kids. The soft pinks and other colors ran up and down the crayon-adorned structure. The lego-studded glass had a pink tint to it. (Oh my! The designer had a lot of help with this! What child could design this giant toy tower without help?)

Let’s cut to the chase, and find out if this tower really is different.

I got attention of the same receptionist who sat there, typing 100 days back.

“So, is this the same Tower of Muses as before?” I asked her, just to make sure. (Oh, come on! You ask her that every single time! Shouldn’t you know the answer already?)

My Muse shook her head again and smiled. “No, silly! This tower is a little different. And there’s a teleporter thingy that will take you to the 1601st floor!”

I nodded, with a slight grin on my face. And this was mainly due to the deja vu. “And this floor is still…”

“Floor 1,” she recited. “ExperiMENTAL. Tee hee…”

And of course the Dark Muse, which was then a bad idea, was just beginning to affect my Muse at this time… (*sigh*) ”Thank you,” I told her, proceeding forward to the mysterious portal that sat past the white service desk just before the elevators.

Upon entering the portal, she was right. I entered a new room, which resembled a different lobby. But this lobby had no exit, since this was the 1601st floor.

Approaching a colorful service desk, I saw…a younger Muse sitting there? Oh! That’s right! My Muse was a child! Still dealing with the weirdness, I noticed that she wasn’t typing. In fact, she looked up right after I got to this floor. It was only a split second that I saw her typing…

“Hi Kyle!” she shouted. “I don’t know how to type. I was just doing what I see mommy do all the time. Oh. What did you tell me to say? Oh! You are on the “Not KIDding” floor. This floor is one of my favorites, since I get to be with Kyle…”

I looked at her in confusion. I didn’t tell her to say that! But then it hit me. Oh! The me from that floor told her to say that!

My clone walked out of the room, looking frustrated.

“Say ‘It also captures who I am, 99 days ago!’ ” he shouted.

“Oh!” she gasped. “Sorry! It also captures who I am, 99 days ago…Did I do a good job?”

My clone nodded. “An excellent job! Do you like playing secretary?”

The younger Muse nodded. “Uh-huh!”

A diaper appeared in the younger Muse’s hand. “I just went in my diaper. I need to change into a new one!”

My clone nodded. “Your Muse? I don’t know if she thrived or not, but she’s definitely up there! She’s taking her nap…”

I nodded, and looked at the elevators that were past her desk. “I would like to go to floor 1700 now.”

At this, my Muse frowned. “Why? Don’t you want to see me on the other floors?”

My clone nodded. “Go ahead, actually. There are a few floors that I would totally avoid. Especially the ones where the Dark Muse possesses her. She’s a lot of trouble…”

The younger Muse sighed. “Dark Muse? Who is that?”

My clone smiled. “Someone that you don’t need to know. You wouldn’t like her…trust me. You’re happier on this floor…”

The younger Muse gasped, as a puddle was beginning to form beneath her. “Uh-oh…”

My clone gasped, and grabbed the new diaper out of her hand. “Just get to the top!” He then turned to the younger Muse and quickly led her by the hand into the other room. “It’s a good thing you’re wearing a dress…”

I advanced further to the elevators. I then sighed, and quite deliberately broke the fourth wall. The overly redundant redundancies have reached their limit for this post! Would you really want me to actually pick 6 to 8 random floors and stop on them? Sorry. It’s not going to happen this time, either. If you really wish to hear my discussion on the floors, you can visit any one of them by clicking on the links near the bottom of this post. Okay. If we don’t visit them, perhaps we should do this instead. I will briefly recap some of my favorite floors, after I have taken a few minutes to determine what they are.

There. After several minutes of reviewing all 99 entries, thinking and making a much needed edit over the older text, I have my list. It’s right here! I have it on my lap. Let’s see…I will put this in list form so that it will be easier for you to read. My favorite floors are:

Floor 1601 – Not KIDding…

In this one, it is clearly no joke. My Muse really is going to be a child for the next 100 days, and she starts as a first grader. A well adjusted first grader with a few minor setbacks. What are those setbacks? Read this one and find out.

Floor 1602 – Christmas Music

Besides finally being able to hear Christmas music again, there’s a family element in this one that I really love. My Muse, who is now eight, is dealing with her problem. How does she cope with it? Read it, and don’t bring it up around her. You don’t want to discourage her.

Floor 1605 – Tour and a Meeting

In this one, I share my progress with the contacts that I have been meeting with. Oh, and my Muse is a real handful in this one! Hyper and energetic as any five-year old should be. Definitely worth a read.

Floor 1608 – Work or Leisure

During a weekend that’s not guaranteed, one of the two is bound to happen. You also get to see my Muse’s progress in her potty training. And success is guaranteed when M&M’s are involved. Read this one, and be sure to give her some M&M’s after she uses the potty. She loves them!

Floor 1614 – 66 Breads

The title says it all. This was the day that I had to prepare 66 Crazy Breads that had to be ready a half hour before the store even opened! Of course I got some help, but it was quite the ordeal. Read this one, and don’t mention the word “Crazy Bread” again! At least not on this day in particular…

Floor 1620– The Last Jedi Begins Tonight…

In this one, I lament about how my Muse would not be able to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi with me. With a PG-13 rating and strict parents, you’re left with a very sad eight year old pouting on her bed at home. Is there a way that she can still go? Did I mention that there is a second part to this? Hurry! Read this one and the second part and see how the plot unfolds! Do it with haste, you must!

Floor 1640 – More Snow

While I did get some more snow, that is not why this one was selected. In this one, an unwelcome guest makes their way into the Muse house. Who is this guest? Read this one and find out! Tee hee!

Floor 1641 – Mountain of Inventory

If you remember Mountain of Boxes, this one is definitely worth reading. With some fuzzy numbers, the store gets way too much inventory. Where am I going to put all of this? And how does Muse cope with her new guest? Read this one, and watch out for the boxes! You don’t want to trip…

Floor 1647– Under Construction: Part III – Where is My Sink?

Having a different sink is only a part of the problem. In this one, my Muse’s guest moved away. Or DID she? What’s going on? Give this one a read. Something fishy is going on…

Floor 1680 – Monday Mishap

A Saturday hiccup made for an interesting Monday at work. And the Child Muse story arc reaches its dramatic conclusion! Does the Dark Muse get that gigantic playground that she always wanted? Give this one a read. It’s a good one. Don’t worry.

Wow! It looks like I had less favorites than last time! Maybe I should’ve expanded the list. But it’s too late now. Onward to the 1700th floor…

My clone returned with my Muse. He showed her to her seat and she sat down. The younger Muse faced the keyboard and pretended to type on it.

My clone grinned.

“Well, she’s all changed.” he told me. “You’re still here, huh? It’s amazing how much you know about those floors! Especially since you haven’t even visited them…I visited all of them!”

“Oh, I don’t need to…” I told her. “I lived them!”

To that, he responded with a satisfied nod, and I proceeded to the elevators. I then pressed the up button a few times. Where are the elevators? With this many, I would think that at least one would be ready for me! A few seconds later, I entered the first elevator door that opened. It just happened to be the one next to me.

I entered the elevator and pressed the 1700 button. Moments later, the doors closed.

Several moments passed. At this point, Kyle decided to be a little more unoriginal and once again reused some material from the previous milestone entry. Perhaps he’ll make it a little different so that they’ll never notice. Just enough changes to throw off the audience. How lazy of him! Can’t he get his brain thinking of any more original ideas? But Kyle would have none of that. He is just as determined to bring this twelfth milestone post to an abrupt end. The good old recycled zinger. They’ll never notice! Unless the narrator reminds them…

Finally, moments later, the elevator arrived at the 1700th floor. My Muse would surely be up there, but did she thrive? This is the crucial difference between her becoming an adult and her remaining a baby forever. Having seen her yesterday, there’s no telling. She was just a preschooler. Just four years old. If she was up here, she would be laying on her bed, taking her nap. Oh, I surely hope that Nurture toilet trained her…

A little like the 1600th floor before it, this floor was an enormous room, lavishly decorated. A desk sat in one corner and a king-sized bed sat in the other, which was one fourth the size of the bed that was in Entry 1000. Pretty much the same room as the 1600th story, the 1500th story, the 1400th story, the 1300th story, the 1200th story, the 1100th story, the 9ooth story, the 800th story, the 700th story, the 600th story, the 500th story, the 400th story, the 300th story, the 200th story, and the 100th story before it, only the room was the same size as the 1600th story, 1500th story, 1400th story, 1300th story, 1200th story, 1100th story, 900th story, 800th story, 700th story, 600th story, 500th story, 400th story, and 300th story and the bed was light blue.

Oh! We agreed not to meddle with the following paragraph! As much as we want to, we can’t. It just wouldn’t be right…

And on the bed laid my Muse. She was…how is she today? My Muse is…nine years old today. She is 39 inches tall and she weighs 45 pounds. The height of a four year old and the weight of a six year old. Was she toilet trained? I surely hope that she was…

My heart sank when I saw what was at the foot of her bed. Right there sat an open sack of Size 7 diapers. I’m guessing that this was gotten into today, considering how one was used. Did she even use the toilet today? Did she give up? I don’t want her to be a baby forever! I really don’t…

Where is the note? It’s not attached to her this time. I’m guessing that they had to do something else, since she’s so little. Oh. There it is! Next to the sack of diapers, there was a note attached to the foot of the bed. It didn’t surprise me that she was sleeping, considering that creating this tower with the help of whoever helped her probably took so much out of her. Now I’m going to guess that the note will mention that the computer in this room will have this entry already typed. That even includes the later parts that you haven’t seen yet! Am I right? And this further adds to the redundancies that exist in this post already!

Attached to the foot of the bed was a note. And this is what it said:

To my master,

I made this tower with my daddy for you and me. This is to honor your hard work and dedication for another 100 days of hardship, bringing the total up to 1700. Thank you for your dedication to keeping this project going daily. If you look at your computer, the last entry is already written. I am still forever grateful to your kindness, your dedication to saving me and your gratitude. Don’t worry about the diaper from this morning. It was used in the middle of the night but I took it off and changed into underwear afterwards. A couple more times I had to get up and use the potty. I had no accidents at all. I just really had to go. There were no accidents during the day either, since I’m taking care of my bathroom trips in my sleep. When this happens, I have no accidents since I’m using a dream bathroom. I have tried this before and I know that there are no accidents when I do this.

I’m getting really tired, so my dad is going to finish this tower. Time for a nap!

I love you a whole lot and I hope to marry you someday!

Your Muse

Nice note. My Muse’s was very cute. That is very reassuring news. I hope that she’s right about her progress with her toilet training. I don’t want her to be a baby forever…

I then looked next to the bed and noticed a directory which was much like the 1600th floor, 1500th floor, 1400th floor, the 1300th floor, the 1200th floor, the 1100th floor, the 1000th floor, the 900th floor, the 800th floor, the 700th floor, the 600th floor, the 500th floor, the 400th floor, the 300th floor, the 200th floor, and the 100th floor before it. However, this was the directory for the Tower of Muses, only it covered only the next 100 floors. I looked at the directory.