Based off of a conversation happening online yesterday, I shared a photo of what I direct message to people when they decide to have Facebook fights with me about my opinions. Which, shockingly, I get into pretty often.

Realizing that it might have more of a purpose than just to be a snide remark to the douches that feel the need to annoy me online, I’ve spruced up the photo and here it is:

I haven’t written anything since the year changed, but I’m kind of lazy and tired right now. So here is a picture of a seagull with a penis that I snapchatted to someone a few days ago. Happy New Year.

Office vending machines are the prime area to communicate with the future robot leaders of this world (see: this, this, this, this – honestly this blog is basically pizza, cats, and my fear of the robot apocalypse coupled with leaving notes on vending machines).

Do you remember the trends in the 90s when it came to advancing technology? It was, like, AIM and chat rooms for years. I never really had to keep up outside of discussing the various benefits of having Stone Cold Steve Austen on your side in a tag team match on the WWF chat room (fuck you, I was 13), or keeping my away messages current.

I miss you, too

Now there is too much for me to keep up with. Trends on the internet are insane. Recently I went on Tumblr and discovered something that, seemingly, has been going on forever without my notice. Something that I find heartening. Something extremely encouraging for someone as emotionally stunted as myself.

In my effort to expand this white text on photographic background expressing our emotions (sort of?) I wanted to ensure that there are people similar to myself who are represented by white text in front of random photo.

It’s a hostile world when the vending machines stop upholding their side of the bargain. I heard somewhere from something online that crazy scientists are creating smarter robots. But I’d venture to say that they’re already smart enough and that this is a rise of the proletariat sort of situation that we have on our hands.

Beware of the vending machine

I’d consider raising the vending machine’s salary and giving it benefits before it responds with greater prejudice.