My life with teenage boys

If there is one thing I don’t regret in life, it is having a sibling for my men-children. Apart from a natural longing for more children following our twin boys, somehow it just felt right to have more than the perfect “two-some” in our family. No doubt the fact that both Father of a Man-Child and I were both from families with four children contributed to that, a desire for the chaos and joy that goes with more kids.

Of course it did take us 7 years to come around to the idea before we welcomed Sister of a Man-Child into the world, but we wouldn’t replace her for anything. As 7-year-olds, the boys adored their baby sister. Funnily enough at about 4 years old they had both placed an order for a baby sister, so how lucky they were. She was completely doted on by them as a baby – they spent enormous amounts of time looking after her, helping her, playing with her, competing for her attention, and importantly realising they were no longer the centre of the universe. Although to be fair, as there were already two of them from birth, I think they had already had to learn that lesson from day one!

As they approached their teenage years, and the adolescent attitude reigned, I think they have been less than kind older brothers. Not because they don’t like their sister, but because they become so self-absorbed at that age, that everyone else except peers is irrelevant to them. Of course the boys’ girlfriends all adore our daughter – is it the female nurturing nature that brings that out in them?

Like all families, the dynamic between the kids varies substantially. One is generally nicer to his sister than the other. And one is more prone to teasing his sister – I suspect because they are very alike they tend to bring the worst out in each other. Just as the boys do the same to each other. But it has to be said, as they all get a bit older, I am starting to see the dynamic change again, for the better.

During the recent spontaneous but highly unusual clean up of one Man-Child’s bedroom, he kindly offered his prized Carlton football jumper to his younger sister, also a fan. He also recently helped his sister with a school project (with a fair bit of coaxing from his mother). As I pointed out to him, you can either be an arsehole or her hero – you pick!

Sister of a Man-Child also made her First Eucharist recently (that’s First Communion for anyone my age). Both boys found the Holy Crosses that they were given to mark their own First Communion, all the way from Rome if memory serves me, to show their sister. I was pleased to see they still had them and delighted to see them all on common ground as our daughter passes the same milestones during her primary school life as her brothers.

So it seems that they are edging slowly out of the teenage abyss, becoming nicer sons to their parents and nicer brothers to their sister. I hope they all have good relationships with each other as they get older, that are as healthy as mine with my siblings. Did you have older brothers? Were they nice to you or nasty when you were growing up? What is your relationship like with them now?

It’s been a while since I wrote about Sister of a Man-Child. She’s a darling 8-year-old most of the time, and really a very easy going, and thoughtful child. But sometimes she can take me by surprise, and cause me to reflect on the world around her and just what impact the behaviour of the Men-Children and we as parents have on her, considering she lives in an “adult” world a lot of the time.

Of course, there are other influences in her life also – the media, her friends, her teachers. I can only guess as to the source of influence for a recent text message I received from her whilst at work: “I hate my life!” I kid you not – that’s exactly what she wrote. I rang home immediately in case she was seriously suicidal, only to find out that a small incident had occurred with her brother/father and she was basically having a sulk. I am confident she learned to be a drama queen from the countless Foxtel/Disney teenage shows she watches – some saccharine sweet, but clearly some not quite so. Most of them drive me insane and I regularly demand they be turned off.

I totally blame these shows (and also the Men-Children) for her latest outburst. Upon learning we were going out for dinner and she would need a babysitter (admittedly we had an unusually busy week and I had been “out” every night at some function or meeting) she declared at the dinner table “Are you serious!” (insert indignant tone of voice). I was gobsmacked to say the least, and immediately angry, and said she was NOT to speak to us with that attitude again. Cue tears – suddenly a small 8-year-old girl not a teenager with attitude!

She also recently started walking around the house, saying to me BTW, blah blah…..so not “By the way”, but literally “BTW”. When I asked her why she was talking in abbreviations, she said she liked it. Hmmm. Just like teenagers like it. You may have noticed that “OMG” and “LOL” are not acronyms any longer, but “words”. I said please talk to me in proper English and save the text language for the iPod/iPhone thanks. I really wonder what we’re breeding some days and whether or not our children will be able to write or speak using correct English. Was I being too mean? Was she just experimenting with language? Or am I right to nip this in the bud?

When it comes to her brothers, Sister of Man-Child doesn’t want much from the Men-Children – just their love and a little attention from time to time so she doesn’t feel like an only child. It’s so rare that they are nice to her, that the other day she came running in to tell me that they had BOTH been really nice to her, and that she was SO happy. She even asked one of them why he’d been nice to her four days in a row. I have made a point to let them both know how she feels, so they might begin to realise what impact they have on their sister’s feelings, and how easy it is to earn her adoration and make her feel wonderful. It takes such a small effort on their part to be nice to her, I hope they think twice about it and change their behaviour towards her.

As I say often to my daughter, just wait until you’re 15 years old. Your 22-year-old brothers will be VERY interested in you and your girlfriends, and probably fighting to drive you everywhere and even chaperone you to parties. Bring it on I say!