26 Answers

I don’t think there exist easy ways to do that.
But if you’re prepared to invest some discomfort and plenty of time into it… I think it helps just to practise. Practise telling your social inhibitions to go bugger themselves.

You can start with something relatively easy. I use stranger chat on the internet; you can use it to practise talking to random strangers from the safe comfort of your own bedroom. I think it’s a good first step.

But this is a long term project. I’ve been getting over my shyness bit by bit over the course of years.

Face your fear and just suck it up and go for it. Remember it’s just a conversation, the only pressure is the pressure you put on yourself. Oh, and guess what, if you embarrass yourself wholly and completely, you’ll find out two very important life lessons, first no matter how bad it was it could’ve been worse and second it doesn’t actually matter. Have a laugh at yourself (another important skill) and try again and think of it this way, now you’ve got an amusing story to tell.

You could put on a suit and become a dog. It appears to work for @Fyrius. :-)

It’s a lifetime project as I well know. No easy ways, but you can start trying by initiating conversations, asking people questions and being really interested in their answers. If you can focus on reacting to them, instead of how they are reacting to you, you will endear yourself to them and start to get over your shyness. Also, try to put yourself in situations where you can exhibit your knowledge or talents and gain some confidence from the positive feedback you receive.

Intentionally/consciously act funny bordering on foolish… this way you know that you’re acting out and you can say that to the lady without really looking like a total loser. . . if alcohol helps lose the inhibition, by all means indulge without getting too wasted.

it’s all a matter of habit. right now you have a habit of being shy because of your vast experience as a shy person. you need to spend time defying shyness, gaining experience as someone who defies shyness. your habits will reflect the new information you teach yourself.

Practice with strangers that you’ll never see again. Talk to people casually in a grocery store (cashiers are good, because they’re a captive audience and will smile at you as you say the stupidest things imaginable). Just start chatting about the weather with people at a bus stop.

It hardly matters what you say, as long as you get into the habit of ‘talking to people you don’t know.’ Then when you meet someone you’d really like to talk to, it’s just “more of the same.”

Shyness has become a habit. it didn’t happen overnight, neither will overcoming it. Start small. Make eye contact. Know what you want to say before you open your mouth. Keep it short. Add to your dialogue a bit at a time with people. success gets to be habit forming too. Good luck.

Practice being open with the people you trust most. Then move on to people you are friendly with and are friendly to you. Then practice with random strangers whom you’ll never meet again. I went though a period where I was shy but I didn’t like the result of people being able to push me around because I didn’t want to say anything or make a scene. Shyness is cute but not practical. So try to approach it from that point of view. You don’t want to be a door mat so learn to say what is on your mind.

I used to be shy, and I can pinpoint one thing for getting over it – I learned to sing, and started performing in public, in my local folk club. Public performance of any kind is a great way to counter shyness. If you can’t sing, why not get involved with a local drama group? If you can play a musical instrument, join a band.

@downtide
That’s true!
As another example of the same thing, a lot of classes I’ve taken required me to give presentations. One of them made me give a presentation in class once every two weeks.
I hated it initially, but getting the hang of that made me feel a lot more confident about my demeanour. Nowadays I don’t mind any more, as long as I know what I’m talking about.

Which is good, because this summer I’ll have to publicly defend my Master thesis. Which I reckon is tricky enough without being nervous about how I will come across.