Friday, November 13, 2009

Ass-ault On My Sense Of Justice

(Take a moment to peruse, then continue on to the commentary and discussion questions below...)

1) Please do not let it be lost on you that the Judge's name is Judge Brown.

2) I appreciate the clarification that it was "his" feces. Did they analyze it? Did they ask? Is it any more or less gross or does it add anything to the story by specifically designating them (it?) as "his" feces? (As my friend, Simon, noted, "I can see him in the interview room: "Of course it was my own feces; what kind of weirdo do you take me for?")

3) How quickly do you think the juror dumped (pun intended) the computer case?

4) How does one sneak a bag of feces into a courtroom under their clothes? (This is a rhetorical question. RHETORICAL!)

5) If a feces-flinging robber heads north at 65 mph and passes an unsuspecting lawyer heading south going 45 mph, at what point does the lawyer decide that he might just want a nice data entry job?

16 comments:

I suppose there would be several ways to sneak the fecal matter into the courtroom undetected. There's the "made on site" approach (using duct tape or some such to affix the bag to catch the "deposit), the multiple ziploc bag approach (I would suggest the ones with odor blockers if possible), you could also try to bring in a gun as a diversion...

See? This is why the "flaming bag of poop" is a classic. Poop in a bag is just inherently funny. Word of caution, however, since we learned this the hard way (am I right, Dilettante07?) -- light the bag of poop AFTER you arrive at the destination whose front porch you will be tossing this onto. That's a mistake you make just once.

The insanity plea won't fly, here. Too cooly-planned. One cannot simply produce feces for a masterplan like this on the spur of the moment. No, he had a great idea - "I should throw my own feces at these people! To express my displeasure at the injustice - as monkeys in zoos do, falsely caged for the crime of insufficient DNA overlap with we homo saps!" The idea ruminated into a plan, and soon he realized, "I really need a plastic bag, to pull this off right." Which he procured.