After we finished the Stalin Claus rock opera, me and Kocol continued to work together as a two-piece progressive rock band called Puny Humans. Perhaps progressive rock is a bit misleading of a label. It was a mix of 50% Big Lebowski references and 50% musical humor (not the Weird Al kind; I mean, jokes only musicians would find funny).

Generally speaking, I would have some sort of overall plan in mind – meaning a series of rhythms, moods, textures, etc. – deliberately arranged for maximum dynamic fun: riffs should either build nicely from previous riffs, or they should be something absurdly different, but either way it's intentional. Then I'd lean over the drum kit and yell at Kocol, "Hey, the next part should be a really syncopated, death-metal version of that intro folk riff, but a poly-rhythm this time. So make up something that sounds like that!"
And Kocol would somehow pull that riff out of his ass!
And I would say, 'ok, but in a flat.'
Then we'd spend 3 hours practicing the song, record it, and then forget how to play it.

And then repeat this whole process several times a day.

This frenzied pace was due to the fact that we were practising at my Mom's house, and we had to be all done progging by the time she got back from vacation.

THE PACKAGING:

The front cover was shot in the Berkeley Hills in full costume! The picture depicts us being in the middle of a occult Satannic ritual, when Kocol has to take this call "real quick." The album title is also a bit of a problem.

The middle .jpg (depicting Donny, Walter, and El Duderino as members of Immortal) originally appeared on the back cover of the CD.

The CD artwork depicts Kocol's real-life bowling ball. The blood is fake but the MANSIR engraved in the orb is for real, holmes. The CD hole is where the thumb goes in.

In mid-2001, we both became obsessed with the riff from 'war pigs.' Duh-NUH. . . .(pause…) NUH! NUH! NUHHHHHHH-nuh!!!!!!! (dee-DOOP)

Yeah.

Then we started thinking of different musical quotations to put in the pause/drumfill section. Our ambitions for 'the pause' became more and more grandiose, as we realized the pause was what MAKES THE RIFF SO GREAT. Eventually we (meaning schultz) had the bright fucking idea to put THE ENTIRE ALBUM inside the riff-pause. The ultimate tribute.

THORAX, HO! (3:59)
by PUNY HUMANS

After the AMINO ASSHOLES debacle (you know, where Schultz's 20 minute long arrangement of the 'Meow Mix' theme was rehearsed for 10 minutes right before the show, the video camera failed to document the performance, and yeah, only 2 people showed up), Kocol decided that it would be a "great idea" to not let the most horrible guitar tone EVER CREATED BY ANYONE to not go to waste…This particular tone was created for the AMINO ASSHOLES project, and it's fuckedosity, as it were, was comprised of the following variables: 40% pitch-shifting (not quite in tune enough to be up a full octave), 40% flange (where the flange alters the pitch of EVERYTHING not quite ½ step +/- the original tone), and 20% distortion (EQ-ed specifically to tear holes through ones eardrums). This whole song was composed around the sonic monstrosity…oh yeah, and there's glockenspiel, too.

Schultz adds, "it's important to note that an integral component of THE SOUND is Jason's utterly beatific facial expression and crucified posture throughout the whole song."

THESE WOULD BE THE 'HOUSE BEATS' YOU SPOKE OF (0:11)
Composed by Schultz

YOU BELONG TO THE SEWER (5:56)
Music by G. Frey and Tempchin. Lyrics by Schultz, except 'after several wipes' gag, contributed by Kocol

When Gilman Street (the East Bay punk club) had it's 15th anniversary, they decided to commemorate the event with a video: a camera's-eye-view of the Gilman sewer line. A 60 foot fiber-optic cable operated by a Germano-american technician named Hyko was inserted down the toilet. We were assigned the awesome responsibility of designing a soundtrack for this video. Rather than take the 'easy way out' and compose original music, we found it necessary to 'hell of jack' an old Don Henley tune. Or Glen Frey. Or whoever. I mean, both those guys are ex-members of that old Gilman Street band.

Oh, and can I mention the video was shot on 9/11? (you can hear Hyko saying 'bombing day' at the end of the song)

In order to capture the true nausea of the Fantastic Voyage down the poop-chute (in musical form), each synthesized track was randomly pitch-shifted to varying degrees throughout the entire recording, back and forth, back and forth, back and….. EUHHHHHHHHLLLLLPPPP…

The pants come down
The log rolls in
You can feel it starting
All over again
The moon swells up
And the grindcore calls
You're getting tired of sitting in
The same old stall
You go out of the bowl
And under the street
Moving through the tube
In the midnight heat
Some unevenness here so give up hope
Standing water caused by a negative slope

Nobody knows where you're going
Nobody cares where you been

You belong to the sewer
You belong to the pipes
Living in a river of darkness
After several wipes

You were born in the bowl
Porcelain under your feet
It's in your colon, it's in your stool
You're from Gilman Street

Oi!
Oi!
Oi oi oi!

When you said goodbye
You were on the runs
Trying to get away from the things you'd done
Now you're back again, I don't mean to be dissin'
But there's a hairline crack in the nine o'clock position

WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING?: (2:32)
lyrics by Schultz, music by Kocol, under the strict guidance of David Bowie

In 1997, David Bowie had a contest. He was very excited about 'the internet' that he'd just discovered, and decided to have his fans submit lyrics to a song he'd recorded. Wow, interactive!! The winner would have the honor of meeting Mr. Bowie and, presumably, stabbing him with a rusty tire iron. Bowie provided (via this 'internet' thing) the meter and length of the verses, and the title: 'what's really happening?' I'm really sorry I didn't think to save the other entries in this contest, most of which were just AMAZING. But lame. 'my baby left me…' what kind of shit is that?? I mean, 'what's really happening to me?' is obviously an EPISTOMOLOGICAL QUANDRY, and Schultz took pen in hand to solve the relation of perception to reality and the meaning of existence in an unknown and unknowable world, in 12 lines.

It lost.

My philosophical position is that of ardent slolipsism
A universe confined to sense-impressions in my mind
I create reality and when I blink you cease to be
But I'll never know empirically
What's really happening to me

It's not easy being supreme, I'm paranoid it's all a dream
Divinity I'd relinquish, if only I could distinguish
What's really happening to me

A narcissustic frame of mind results from this paradigm
But if I abuse, don't grow indignant, recall you're just a figment!

What's really happening to me?

"OH, A FLESH-EATING VIRUS…" (1:36)
composed by Schultz

HOLY DRIVER (3:17)
lyrics by Ethan & Joel Cohen, individual parts written by J. Kocol, to fit an arrangement written by Schultz

Man come on
I had
A rough night
And
I
Hate the fuckin' eagles

Man

WOULDJA LOOK AT THE ASS ON THAT MUMMY? (3:20)
individual parts written by J. Kocol, to fit an arrangement written by Schultz

All songs written and recorded between Jan 2001 and February 2002. for those of you with no jobs and/or lovers to occupy your time, (or those of you who would simply PREFER to have no jobs and/or lovers, which we can also arrange for you, click HERE), we present an in-depth timeline for the creation of the album:

Jan 2001 (at Grandma's house…) we compose our first songs…

Wouldja look at the ass on that Mummy?
"Thorax, HO!"
Decide at their Mom's house

Sometime in February: Schultz comes up with the name.

May 14-15, at Schultz's Family Mansion in Santa Rosa we have our first recording session, and compose the following tunes:

6 Comments so far

Tzench September 7th, 2010
6:14 am

When did you record all these crazy albums?

Shawn September 8th, 2010
9:15 am

Whoa man. Okay, so I read your stuff pretty frequently, and I've definitely printed out parts of your guides to Tokyo for two separate trips there, all over a span of a couple years. And sometimes you'll reference Berkeley or Oakland or SF and I'm like, "Cool! This guy must be from the Bay!" But then just now I read "After we finished the Stalin Claus rock opera…" and something jogged in my memory. My good friend Corbett Redford, of Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children MacNuggits totally told me about this rock opera back in the day. My band used to play/hang out at the SPAM records warehouse all the time, and I definitely remember Stalin Claus. Seriously, I've been reading your blog for a while and I never once put two and two together. Awesome. Well anyways, my name is Shawn and thanks for being hella funny on the regular, and for helping me find awesome shit in Tokyo on multiple occasions. You rule dude!

sephim September 8th, 2010
10:47 pm

Shawn – This isn't the Shawn, once upon a time drummer for Your Mother, is it? Because this would be further example of how small this world is or at least how tightly linked music makes us…

Shawn September 19th, 2010
7:54 am

This is not the Shawn from Your Mother, but I love that band. I sang for a band called Abi Yoyos, and funny enough, Craigums from Your Mother made multiple recordings of us, and we ended up playing with bands that had ex-your mother players in them. Small world indeed!