CR Dunbar: Alton gives me the creeps like Pennington. He can manage a decent show, but will never make the leap to primetime.the chief: ALTON IS PRIME TIME. He’s on constantly, on like 5 different shows (Good Eats, Iron Chef, and his road/boat trip series). He’s unstoppable. He's Peyton Manning. He's everywhere at once.Ariel: But he is creepy and knows too much about food. He is not Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning could be your Bobby Flay - on lots of commericals, sort of the wholesome face of professional football, likable, a big draw....

the chief: The only thing creepy about Alton Brown is how awesome he is.

Ariel: Expert on all things culinary... extremely intelligent, but a bit too intelligent and quirky to stomach. He could be your Tom Brady. Like too perfect.

the chief: You people are blasphemous, I tell you.

Ariel: Spoken like a true NE fan. I am telling you, Alton is Brady.

The Cynic: I don't say this very often, but the chief is right on this one. Alton Brown is the shizznit. (Also something I don't say very often.) However, I like the Alton Brown = Tom Brady analogy. They're both extremely good at what they do, you don't know anybody who just hates them and yet there's something a little disconcerting about them because they're almost too perfect.

NFL QB Counterpart: Tom Brady

Paula Deen:Paula's Party; Paula's Home Cooking

HHR Impressions

Ren: She’s a squealing, old Southerner. Sounds like Favre to me.Ariel: Paula Deen is very charismatic, charming, and lovable. And loves her some butter.Willard: Favre should be Paula Deen. Looks great and gets results but in the end, going to kill you. His interceptions are like butter.Ariel: I like Farve as Paula Deen, but I also like Collins as Paula Deen (always seems intoxicated).

NFL QB Counterpart: Brett Favre

Emeril Lagasse: Emeril Live; Essence of Emeril

HHR Impressions

Rusty: Philip Rivers…they both like to yell. BAM!

NFL QB Counterpart: Philip Rivers

The Neelys:Down Home with the Neelys

HHR Impressions

Ren: Much too pleasant on screen to actually like one another. Something's dead wrong about their relationship. Reminds me of McNabb/Reid.

NFL QB Counterpart: Donovan McReid

Sandra Lee:Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee

She describes the philosophy as "70% store-bought/ready-made products accompanied by 30% fresh and creative touches, allowing you to take 100% of the credit.

HHR Impressions

Willard: That is Kerry Collins. Not even his team. All of a sudden he is Jesus Christ, Superstar.

Rev. Shaw Moore: Kurt Warner has to be Sandra Lee ... where would he be without Boldin and Fitzgerald?

Ariel: Mario Batali is old school, one of the originals. Been around a while, but sort of in the background. Kind of like Jake Delhomme. Consistent, but not the first chef you think of. Never has a terribly bad season, and maybe gets to shine once or twice.Ren: Plus they can go 8-2 and no one even knows it.Ariel: There you go.

NFL QB Counterpart: Jake Delhomme

Cat Cora:Iron Chef America

HHR Impressions

Ren: Love her. But since she does shots after each match on the Iron Ref (and I hate to do this), only one man jumps to mind: Orton.

NFL QB Counterpart: Kyle Orton

Masaharu Morimoto: Iron Chef America

HHR Impressions

Ren: Foreign. Speaks very little English, but solid. Eli Manning.

Michael Symon: The Next Iron Chef; Dinner Impossible

HHR Impressions

Ariel: Mike Symon won Next Iron Chef... but he is the new badass on the block.

NFL QB Counterpart: Matt Ryan

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This is the part of the show when things got a little hairy. We'll let The Cynic explain:

Willard: BUT, if you watch Challenge, Flay always 'loses' to the hometown guy so in that respect, he is Matt Hasselbeck.

Ariel: See I think of Bobby Flay as the Food Network whore. He has like 3 shows of his own, guest stars on about a half dozen more. Who is like the call-girl for the NFL? Peyton Manning.

CR Dunbar: You shut your mouth. Flay is the man.

Ariel: I love him but he is a whore.

Rachael Ray: 30 Minute Meals; Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels

HHR ImpressionsRen: Dumpy, Endorsement Whore. Peyton Manning.

Ariel: Well, Ray has moved beyond the Food network. She is a self-promoting opportunist. And I don't think that off-camera she is a nice person. I have heard the opposite about Bobby Flay.The Cynic: As for the whole Bobby Flay/Rachel Ray = Manning debate, I just know this.

My wife worships at the unholy Church of Rachel Ray.

My wife would leave me in a heartbeat for Peyton Manning.

Coincidence?

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Too close to call. Peyton Manning is such an endorsement whore that he is nothing less than the combined whoreness of Rachel Ray and Bobby Flay.

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