Thursday, August 18, 2011

I love the smell of baby registry in the morning....

Tony here...

Yeah, about the title, it’s an “Apocalypse Now” reference….

It’s kinda how I felt going into Babies R Us Wednesday night.You’re all very familiar with how military Generals have to use electronic barcode scanners to obtain tanks, guns, tents, and warfare materials for Iraq and Afghanistan. Actually, that’s not how it happens, but maybe we’d have less wars if they had to meticulously inventory what a newborn needs as they do that stuff.When the girl at the Baby Registry counter set us up with the scanner and set us up to go out into the store, she had on one of those “overworked stewardess” fake smiles. Like she’d been on a red-eye to Detroit and back overnight.Maybe she was just coaxing me to run out of the store.Or maybe that was just me.

Keep in mind I was raised by two redneck Mississippi parents.My mother didn’t have a “Diaper Genie Mark III Cryogenic Stasis Unit” or a “Pamper’s Cuddler’s Diapers Fast-Autoloader”.From what I could tell my mother had a couple of sheets, maybe 3 cotton diapers, dangerous baby pins, some rags, etc.As far as I can tell, I didn’t have a portion of my butt rot off.So when I’m looking out of the corner my eye at Mike after we’ve scanned the 500 count diapers box the 6th time, I was a bit befuddled.Seriously.

Wait… HOW many diapers are we going to need?!?

What do you MEAN we’re not done?!?

If I suggested at this point that our baby have anything less than what’s on our inventory list, they’d be dragging the bottom of the river for my body.But I admit I’m more than a little anxious about these “high tech” devices for our child.When it came to selecting Zoey’s play center (the bouncy thing she sits in), Mike walks up and is all excited about the most elaborate techno monstrosity.There isn’t a square inch on this device that doesn’t light up, make noise, or spin.Frankly, a 747 aircraft revving on the tarmac and throttling up for take-off could sneak by this device with less noise. And EVERYTHING has a built-in MP3 player. The diaper stacker DOES NOT need an MP3 player……

I honestly didn’t know there were 10 types of blankets for the baby. Receiving blankets, Swaddling blankets, baby quilts, shower blankets, oiling blankets, everyday blankets, dress-up blankets, etc. In one aisle I think we simply scanned everything. I did not feel like I knew what was going on.

WOH WOH WOH… research… blah blah formula

Strangely, both Mike and I ignored the “Suggested” Babies R Us inventory. One of the key items we missed was a baby monitor.As I went to sleep last night I was chuckling to myself about our current lack of a baby monitor. Would we ever open the package? Since I am currently at a loss of when Mike will actually put the baby down, let go of her, or let someone take her out of his sight, I view this less as a “forgotten” item.I jokingly wonder if it’ll EVER be used.Maybe her first day of KINDERGARTEN.LOL. He’s not going to let go of Zoey till at least she’s 25 years old.

At the end of the day, I will move Heaven and Earth for this child.And I’ve already accepted there is something we forgot, or sometime where I’ll have to make a late hour run for. Maybe in the snow and ice. And I’ll do it gladly.