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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Dignity Lost

This photo sums up my experience in the past week. First of all, I was recruited to be in a skit at the ladies’ retreat, which involved being transformed into a "princess"—complete with new teeth, nose, glasses, make-up, wig, tiara, fan, and scepter. It was pretty, all right. Pretty awful! Rather humiliating, but funny for the onlookers.

On Friday I suffered another loss of my misplaced dignity when high blood pressure led me to the ER with two tampons shoved up my nostrils. It was not a glamorous sight.

Note to self: next time cut the strings off before rushing to hospital.
The doctors did manage to get my blood pressure down, which possibly explains why I was having trouble sleeping the week before. I think this has been brewing for a while now, and finally came to a crisis. I am truly thankful that the outcome was not worse than it was. I am grateful to be alive!

Now I am pondering the ridiculous reality of my embarrassment to be seen entering a hospital in such a sorry state. Whenever I think I have the old “what will people think” mindset conquered, somehow it sneaks back up. Deep down I had been patting myself on the back for my behavior at the ladies’ retreat— allowing myself to get thrown into the pool fully clothed, being seen in a bathing suit orchestrating synchronized swimming, becoming hideous (see photo, again) in the Princess skit. I’m not sure which was worse, but I know none was particularly attractive. I totally swallowed my pride, all for a few laughs.

Yet in spite of it all, I’d rather look good than bad, not necessarily for God’s glory, but for my own. That’s what stinks. You’d think fifty years would be enough to overcome such silliness. I hereby confess this, and pray that I need no further lessons in humiliation to conquer my pride.

Oh, did I mention that almost all of the retreat attendees and speakers have come down with a bad dose of E. coli infection? Now there’s an unladylike illness if ever there was one. ‘Nuff said. (Intestines gurgling.)

Oh Jamie, I love your honesty!! I so agree with you that all ladies (including me) struggle with worrying about what others think...I hope you are feeling better. Thanks for writing so honestly. One of these days I need to do some good writing about my experiences as well!