Whether you love a good argument or scurry at the first hint of a raised voice, how you handle discord can affect your happiness and health. Take this quiz to identify your fighting style.

Exercise created by Debbie Mandel

Illustration: Jen Troyer

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You tend to think before speaking, so you're less likely to say things you regret. But you're also prone to holding your tongue in the hope that others will read your mind; when they don't, you get irritated.

Rules of Engagement: Before you head into a tense situation, draw up a communication cheat sheet, listing your needs ("I wish Liz would call me more often") and how you'll convey them ("I'll say, 'Liz, I feel hurt when you don't make an equal effort to see me'"). When you see your opportunity to speak up, recall the cheat sheet. If the thought of direct confrontation makes you shudder, talk to the person while doing an activity, like walking or driving, that doesn't require eye contact. Side-by-side conversations foster more openness.