Wednesday, February 1, 2012

In the dark...

...I fumbled.

As we move ahead with our life, we often have a tendency to look back and ponder over the flash of memories somewhere hidden safely in the tiny part of our unbelievable mind. Some memories bring up an instant smile and brightness in the face, the moment we think about them and we easily drew in to relish the moments with cheerful heart. And there would be some other memories which we wish not to be a part of our diary and if possible we pray that they get erased completely from off our mind. We embrace the thought with gladness, that seem to have registered like a perfect bliss. But those traces of our life which remained like a painful reflection, sounds terrifying even with a little inclination toward it. It feels like some dark voices from our past still keep haunting us whenever an incident connected to such a terrible memory is brought up, without realising the fact that we got to discover an agreeable lesson followed by those creepy recollections. Aside from both the opposite records we have discussed now, we also have another noticeable nostalgia which remains like an unfolded puzzle all along. And this memory is neither an ecstasy nor a horrifying thought, it is just some weird recapture that was never explainable or answerable. As far as i know, many things in our life happen for a reason and most clearly for a good reason. But this mystifying memory that nested in our thoughts like a unsolved puzzle never had any reason or a clue of its happening. Or probably we failed to figure out the cause of that event, when it occured and now it remained like an enigma. Are you confused with i am trying to say? I am sure I must have overwhelmed you with my cryptic flow of communication. I am going to share my own experience of such an ambigous memory. There was this guy at work who always would make it a point to ask me a question whenever he was done with the presentation, which seemed like he was doing it on purpose. And one day his questions were all for me as if no one else existed in the room except me. Next day when i wanted to talk to him about the same, i learnt that he left the organisation and the other day was his last day working day. I also remember an incident when there was a cake cutting on some occasion and while i was waiting for my turn to grab a piece of cake, he appeared out of the blue and handed a slice to me. If i put together all these things and try to understand the reason for his weird act, i can think of these possibilities: he liked me, but was intimidated by me for some reason or he was just too hesitant to walk up to me boldly and ask for a date or, probably he thought he gave me enough hints for me to understand that he held some soft corner toward me, but i was oblivious about it. These are just my assumptions, and i could have had a better reason or answer for his behaviour if he had approached me without any hesitation or if i had realised his behaviour to be something worth given importance at some point of time and confronted him with the same interest. But now this is going to be like an obscurity in my memory as i was very late to realise the fact that he was probably in some way interested me and also to learn if my assumptions were actually right. All this narration doesn't mean that we have to look back and keep wondering at such an equivocacy, what i meant to say is when we are given a choice to control our destiny we usually hesitate or fail to do that for many reasons and later regret about it. I know that, not all times it is possible to control the destiny, but we can do so without fail, atleast when we are equipped with the right opportunities. Our hesitation would do us no good, but block our way to communicate better. And that was just one example of a vague moment i tried to explain here, but if we try and govern our stroke of luck in every possible circumstance where there is an opening for hesitation, our life would be filled with memories of less obscure moments. Because later when we try to look for answers for such a puzzle like thought, it would be like fumbling in the dark.

things occur in our lives.. may be it's meant to be or not meant to be.. we don't understand them then.. but later we begin to figure out the reason they occurred and how they affected us.. It's the learning we need to carry on with..

A beautiful and elegant summary of what goes inside the tiny little chamber of ours: brain. :) I could so relate to those 3 types of memories. And a very interesting memory of yours to communicate a very important message. Beautifully written. :)

It wont be fair to put all blame to hesitation, the other factor who stopped us to play our game of life is shyness, fear and the basic problem lies here..Because of shyness we hesitant to speak our heart and fear also play an important role to make a person hesitant to approach..overall enjoyed your post thoroughly...You crafted your post very well..keep posting:)

I think we all have those enigmas in our lives and maybe some people are more in tune with them than others. We are left to ponder the 'what ifs' of a situation. Maybe that part is the most frustrating yet mystifying remnants of an unsolved puzzle :-)

Reminiscing can always leave you surprised at how your thoughts can decipher unprompted mysteries..and how sometimes the simplest of things remain unsolved.. A very profound and beautiful post, I must say!great! :)

First of all, I love the pictures you post. As per the post, it's beautiful. Yes, when we have a chance to control our lives, we hesitate in doing so. Memories are many. And they work wonders..sometimes, they get us crying, and at times, we can't stop smiling :)

you brought back forgotten schoolcrush memories of mine..there was this boy who used to annoy me like crazy back in the day and we had fight endlessly. it took me years to figure out that he probably liked me!

Hello Elvirah first of all I want to thank you for visiting my site and as I was reading your post I am smiling because I have survived the most cruel part of my life..my kids and I have been into a lot of brutal experiences from a person whom we expected to have loved us but our home was broken because of these ruthlessness..I don't want to go back again to that journey of my life but then again looking back it made me stronger..I am now a single Mom but I did the right decision..I am now stronger with my kids loving me..these situations in our lives really happen..and it usually comes UNPLANNED but it is always on how will we RESPOND on certain things..that's what makes our lives more important..so whatever it takes the most important thing is To Move On ;)

oh ok that was long hahahaha..I'll definitely come back here Elvirah..I am now your newest follower..

You never cease to amaze me with you writing ability, Elvirah. It just keeps on getting better every time I visit here.

I must admit, I have had my own share of hanging thoughts for the longest time. It's not that you want to bring back a certain period of time in your life, but it's just annoying how you can't move on from the fact of having questions left unanswered in your mind. You still find yourself seeking for answers once in a while and of course you'll be reminded of the person who caused you this, and how you wish he had the balls to tell you what it is...