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January 2, 2013

Back and Forward

Last year became my "one to sawa" ticket to such an emotional and psychological roller coaster - because of the seemingly never ending circumstances that somehow confronted my self esteem and sanity. But of course, I am grateful for whatever happened. After all, these experiences shows me what the world is like. It educates me.

Me, myself, and I

1. On things that matter
Lots of things happen everyday, and it may momentarily or permanently distract us from focusing on things that actually matter. I wanted so many things. In fact, x in definingx is symbolic of that. However, it is an empty dream to want so many things at once. Hence, this year, I shall be focusing on 2 things - my aspirations and the virtues that I stand for.

I must resolve to pay the price for what I want. And I must pay it in advance.

2. On relationships that matter

A. Intrapersonal
Two of my biggest challenges this year were (1) almost not graduating, and (2) not knowing, and thus, not getting my "dream job". One needs only to backread my blog to see the truth in this. I got stressed (and maybe even depressed) for quite a while. I couldn't think of any refuge then. It saddened me that when I picked up my phone to call help from someone, none comes to mind. I guess I was too arrogant to let my friends know of my troubles, or maybe I was scared of being judged, or maybe... I just didn't want to be a burden. Lots of nights, I've randomly cried over these now seemingly mundane hiccups in my life, hahaha.

I was morose. I had incredibly low self-esteem, and my perceived self-worth dropped tremendously. And you know what? staying at home and logging in my Facebook account didn't help either. I needed a breathe of fresh air. I needed to retreat. I needed to shout. I needed to go out with friends and talk about other stuff. I needed people to smile at me. I needed others. I need others.

B. Interpersonal
I have met countless of people this year - established deeper and more meaningful relationships with some, grew apart with some, and rekindled old ties with some. It is always uplifting to reconnect with old friends (and is always heartbreaking to drift apart with current ones.) Bob Marley said that everyone's going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for. However, I dislike getting hurt. This is why I refuse to be subjected to such feelings. As much as possible, I will never put up with people who makes me feel bad about myself, never.

Also, this year, I've chosen a "new friend" award! HAHAHA, as the award title goes, this person became my friend this year only. She tries to be funny all the time; she's a good daughter, sister, orgmate, and friend. In fact, she may be one of the few people whom I can tell all my worries (I hope she doesn't mind.) I love this girl a lot! - even if she sometimes becomes too weird for company. But in all seriousness, I'm really thankful for your friendship. You are one of the reasons why I'm still sane right now. Cheers! Maine :)

It's almost 1am. Good night and happy new year, we all have work tomorrow, or later.

10 comments:

"I was morose. I had incredibly low self-esteem, and my perceived self-worth dropped tremendously. And you know what? staying at home and logging in my Facebook account didn't help either. I needed a breathe of fresh air. I needed to retreat. I needed to shout. I needed to go out with friends and talk about other stuff. I needed people to smile at me. I needed others. I need others."

Well said. I could extremely relate. Even though we doesn't have the same pain, I know that feeling when you needed to find yourself, especially when everything doesn't seem fit. May you keep on enduring the rough sails in your life, I wish all the best for you.

There's this quote from some writer named David Cain that I've scribbled somewhere in my notes (because I might be OC or something):"How rich you are depends on how rich you experience the world to be."

I guess sometimes it gets really difficult to relate to the phrase (especially when we come up short materially or otherwise - ESPECIALLY otherwise), but other times it just clicks. Like you said - focus on the things you want and the things you stand for (even if others see it as trivial) and that is something that no one could put a price on.

I got curious about David and read a little interview with him. It's a feel good read, so I followed his site. BTW I'm not sure if I've told you before, but your advice on "means to an end, rather than an end in itself" actually helped me a lot. So there, thank you :)

HAHAHAHA. Well look who's being sentimental on the 2nd day of the New Year! Such an honor to receive this award from ze great arletski. HAHABut I feel the need to answer some quotes:3. "even if she is sometimes becomes too weird for company." --- first, where is the gramming?. Second, weird is a natural aspect beybeh.2. "she may be one of the few people whom I can tell all my worries (I hope she doesn't mind.)" --- Do not fear, I don't mind. Who says I have a mind for friends anyway??..... I only have a heart (ohaaa!)No judgements, just love!

LASTLY 1."She tries to be funny all the time" --- seriously arlet. is that how you know me? TRIES? goooosh. I never did it on purpose. There is some uncontrollable urge inside to comment every single time. only, normal people don't appreciate high intellect humor. hahahahaha. joooke.

but in all seriousness, I was glad to be able to help an equally good friend for the year 2012.

more weirdness for us! (and hopefully more out of town trips in the futuuuure) :p

eXtra information

definingX

I want to experience whatever it is that life can offer: delicious food, good company,beautiful islands, kind humans, worldly inventions, different culture, etc. I'd like to understand as much as I can. Then, I want to help make the world a better place. I am Arlet :)