23 February 2008

vomit

Wow. I am so stressed out right now. I have this big project I'm doing for Xbox (I mean, for me it's big) and I just keep asking myself, "WHY did they pick me for this!?" God, I'm so nervous I think I might puke. I feel like they have these high expectations that I just might not live up to. But on the other hand, they saw my work and they chose me to do this based on that. Somehow it's easier to freak out than it is to be calm and confident and just do what I do. I think a lot of this doubt is stemming from what they said they would pay me. I have NEVER been paid this much before... Perhaps that has given me a complex where I feel like my work/talent is only worth $100 - so I can't imagine how that same talent can be worth 35 times more...

I'm done with Terra Bite, thank God. My last shifts are closing tonight and closing tomorrow. It's going to be so good for me to be out of that horribly negative environment. There was so much drama and it was all just so unnecessary - as most drama usually is. The owner is so slimy, handles his business poorly and treats his employees with very little (to no) appreciation or respect. His girlfriend is no better. The only down side is I was paid really well... It will be hard to find a job like that again where I can make that much money. Although, considering all that they've put me through, the money doesn't even make it worth it anyway.

On Monday I'm starting a new job at a cafe that's opening soon. I'll be a barista again, which is not a step up in any way, but it's fine for now. As a barista in Seattle, you never really run into the problem of not being able to find a job, so it's a good skill to have when you need something to fall back on. I will be working there part time, mostly morning shifts (5am-9am). That will be perfect for me - especially considering what I have on my plate right now in terms of this Xbox thing. I'll be able to get up early (which I've found, as I get older, I prefer much more over sleeping in) and work short shifts, leaving me lots of time in the day to work on this project.

I really need to get back to work on these sketches...

Right now all I want to do is get outside into the sun and escape reality for a little while.