To Trump: how to win the war in Afghanistan

There is a pattern. It’s tried and true. It’s been tested in America for decades. So let’s rely on this accumulated wisdom and put it to good use. Finally.

Ready?

Buckle up. This doesn’t need an executive summary. It isn’t a position paper. It’s an all-out attack. Let’s roll!

From hundreds of planes, drop fast food all over Afghanistan. Burgers. Fishsticks. McMuffins. Legs, breasts, wings—two weeks of chicken done right. It’s a good intro. Lightens everybody up a little. Hey, they’ve been cooking vulture over yak excrement for centuries. They’ll love the change. And the numerous chemicals in the food will begin to slow them down. That’s a given.

Then, from those same planes—candy! Fifty thousand tons of gum drops, jelly beans, Almond Joy, Reese. Hell, Reese all by itself is unstoppable.

Sugar! You’re telling me people can resist sugar? They’ll be scooping that stuff up off the frozen ground. In high mountain areas, tribes live on lichen. All of a sudden, here come 20 colors of Reaganesque jelly beans out of the sky!

Give them enough sugar, and they’ll be running in circles one minute and lying back and napping the next. It’s chemical determinism.

A month of heavenly candy.

Then next, a million cases of various diet sodas dumped out of our planes. Aspartame! Weird those dudes out. Three months, and they won’t be able to find their way back to their yurts. They’ll be bumping into rocks and trees, howling at the moon.

Now comes the heavy action. It takes a little longer. After installing an Afghan wireless grid, carpet bomb the joint with cell phones and iPads. Beam in Soaps, Judge Judy, Rachel Ray, Fallon and Colbert, Oprah, Little House on the Prairie reruns, Law and Order, and yes—sports! Soccer, and, of course, women’s beach volleyball! Kidding me? Amazons wearing G-strings running and leaping on sand, hour after hour?

“Hey, dude, it’s time for the Friday night tribe meeting.”

“Shh! First, two hours of Hermosa Beach Women’s Finals. Then Victoria and Billy just adopted a baby. She can’t have kids. Billy paid two million for a little girl. But it’s actually Daisy’s baby. Nobody knows it.”

The fabric of Afghan society comes apart at the seams.

US planes fly over with a few million cases of Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, and Ritalin. Open the bomb-bay doors. Drop those suckers right down the slot. And tranqs! Valium! Old stocks of Librium. Opioids.

On the ground, pills and capsules everywhere. You can’t walk by without picking a few up and swallowing them. It’s another law of nature.

You’ve got the whole country hooked on meds. They’re weaving and wobbling and gnashing their teeth, when they aren’t completely zoned. A suicide problem begins to develop.

Dudes in Kabul and up in the Hindu Kush are eating Butterfingers, downing Zoloft, and getting their vicarious porn freak on. A certain amount of internecine murder is expected, to say nothing of what happens when the WOMEN get hold of the porn files for their own private viewing…

All this, in a matter of a year or two, will totally destroy the Afghan culture, such as it is. You see, Mr. Trump, we’ve got weapons we didn’t know we had. Real weapons!

So we let all this simmer for a while. We let things take their natural course. We’re already out of there. Not a single US casualty is being sustained.

And then, just to make sure we have the entire country enveloped and warped beyond repair, the CIA begins to beam, through all those cell phones and iPads—take a deep breath—ready?—the AFGHAN HOME SHOPPING NETWORK!

Boom!

Oh yes, Mr. Trump, where there’s a will, there’s a way. The Afghan people don’t have money? They’ll find money! They’ll sell each other if they have to! They’ll pawn their old muskets and CIA supplied weapons and take out second mortgages on their shacks and huts and yurts.

And after the whole population has developed MAJOR symptoms from this all-out campaign, send in the doctors and the shrinks, so they can diagnose! Diagnose diseases and illnesses and disorders from here to Sunday—and they’ll prescribe more toxic drugs! And vaccines, of course, which push compromised immune systems over the edge of the cliff.

It’s a party.

America does to the Afghans what it’s done to itself.

Because you see, that’s the pattern. America knows it intimately, because America has bought into it.

America is already that kind of society. Who better to impose it on another population?

There you have it, Mr. Trump. Bang-bang. The formula and the game plan for an ultimate takedown.

Throughout history, no one has ever really won a war in Afghanistan.

You’ll be the first.

You can preen and swagger and congratulate yourself.

You can declare victory.

Your generals may not like it, but who cares? They won’t be able to deny the outcome.

The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free NoMoreFakeNews emails here or his free OutsideTheRealityMachine emails here.

ORRRRRRRRR, Jon, with all that sugar,chemicals and TV, maybe the Taliban will start behaving like Americans – INVADING other countries, all around the world, slaughtering unarmed women and children and destroying their homes and taking what resources they have.

They might even,THANKFULLY, do it to America and Israel as a form of REVENGE.. It is starting, after all, in South Africa, victims of White European Sugar,Chemicals and TV. AND GUNS… “What GOES around COMES around”

Why is it that people, possibly like yourself, CANNOT ACCEPT that real HUMAN psychopaths exist.

Is it brainwashing from childhood with Religion, Santa Claus, Hob Goblins etc. which make people always look to a Mystical, Mythological or off-of-earth reason for people acting with mental illness, like Psychopathy???

Our RULERS are SUPREMACIST Psychopaths with lots of money, unlike the poorer ones , like “Jeffrey Dahmer” we read or hear of in the News media-PERIOD!.

If he was one of those Rich people you would say he is an ET. or not human

Hogwash and you are the kind of slave, in the “Matrix” , exactly what our Rulers love.!

Reblogged this on amnesiaclinic and commented:
Totally inspired!
Sorry, Jon, lucky for the Afghans the generals and the weapons companies will not allow this.
They need their fat, bloated cut even if big pharma would win on this one.
Kudos!

Those things are contributing factors but are not why most americans are depressed and disassociated.

Try taking away their freedom and force them to survive in a jungle mentality system where their lives are merely a monetary value.
Force them to work at pointless meaningless jobs for someone else’s profit with no chance of being SELF SUFFICIENT, force them to particpate in the “free market” system.

Make sure you braibnwash their children in public schools under the pretence of educating them, into believing that this is the best of all possible worlds and the only way things can be..watch the suicide rate shoot up and drugs become very popular.

This makes me think of the interesting history of Helmond Province, the “Little America” planned community and the Afghan Valley Authority. http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/adamcurtis/entries/302443a3-c143-3a71-8046-10ba64464fe6 “If you look beyond the soldiers, and into the distance, what you are really seeing are the ruins of one of the biggest technological projects the United States has ever undertaken. Its aim was to use science to try and change the course of history and produce a modern utopia in Afghanistan. The city of Lashkar Gah was built by the Americans as a model planned city, and the hundreds of miles of canals that the Taliban now hide in were constructed by the same company that built the San Francisco Bay Bridge and Cape Canaveral.”

Why not just fast-track all that and drop a million tons of crack on them like Reagan/Bush did to South LA in the 80’s? Well, they dropped the cocaine to make crack back then but Afghanis don’t have the ovens etc to manufacture crack so make it easy. They already have pipes.

But they aren’t stupid. No Disney etc since child birth.Would they see through the ruse?

Trump is a Sugar Daddy … that’s a mind set, set back out of the 50s along with all the other Patriarchal obscenities I experienced/ witnessed as Child. Dont get me wrong I am not a victim of anything physical. But boy that dont think outside of the box, syndrome back then was Effing Suffocating. And it was a Family Tradition and still is to this day, from the way they behave during before and After Christmas, every year, right a Q baby . imho.