I would ask you consider something? You are you, not your life as you well pointed out - but instead of trying to make you fit into a life that seems to be a poor reflaction of yourself and trying to change who you are to fit that, maybe you could try to change your life to be you. You do not always have to pretend to be strong if you are not feeling that way, or pretend to be happy if you are not- make your life reflect you instead of the other way around and maybe thta will help.

I think my life as I create it does reflect me, but a side of me that was positive and productive and enjoyed life... but I'm not always like that, especially not now. I suppose I'm just torn between two different mindsets: one I'd like to be in always that has hopes, and one that is around when reality sinks in.