Location: on the other side of the world where people walk upside down

Posts: 275

Local Time: 11:43 PM

Classical Mythology: 420

First off I'm gonna send a shout out to the muses: SNOOGANS!!!!! Now I'm gonna tell you a little story bout Hermes.
See Hermes was this dude who was the son of Zeus and Maia, (the shortie.) See, dat Hermes was a mad phat rapper who invented some krunk ass musical skillz with a lyre. (He called the lyre L'il Tortie.) He was shezzy of the heasy, for real.
Now Hermes was real hungry when he was born, so he was like "Damn B! I needs to get me some munchies, FO SHO!!!!!" So he rolls up out the crib and decideds to go down to the market and bought himself fity cows.
So since he was the famous rap super star (and you KNOW he ain't playin) He was able to take these fity cows and leave wid out payin, cuz he's phat like that. He took em back to the crib ganked a couple and had a big phat Barbeque, and grossed on the skins by buying his own line a FUBU.
So Apollo was all like "Oh HELL no!" Cuz it was his market and he ain't got no bank on them fity cows. So he goes after Hermes and goes to his crib and says "Hey man!!! Gimme back my cows or I'm gonna cap your ass."
And Hermes's like "Hey man don't be all up in mine, I was born yesterday. I don't even know what cows is."
And Apollo was all "HELL NO! You didn''t just say that to me!" And took em up to the Olympian Pen. And takes em in fronta Judge Zeus. And Apollo was all spittin them lies out bout Hermes "allegedly" robbin the liq store. Uh no it wasn't a liqa store, it was the Jewel-Osco. Anyway,
Heremes's decided to represent fo hisself, and when the time was right, he rose to the occasion and sez "I got an alabai, I wuz on them hoes titties all night, cuz I'm only a baby, straight up!"
But Zeus was all "I ain't even tryin to beli' dat!!" Zeus is all aight and ut his ass on community service. And thats the real shit man cuz if he wasn't his daddies baby he woulda got 5 ta 10, with a realness.
SO heremes got to find tha fity cows. Apolo goes wid em, and when they find the narnars Apolo's all "Shit cuz, you ate all dat beef? That's some ill shit!"
And Hermes's busts out wid the lyrics that Apolo HAD to a feel, fo sho'. And after that Apolo's like "DAMN SON! You tha shit!" And he gives em a bunch of free stuff so Hermes would NEVER had to go on Welfare if he didn't get no where with this whole rappin thing. And fo sho' you can now find Hermes all bein Zeus's personal chaufer and all that shitt, cuz in the end Uh, I don't know the moral of the story.