The struggle bus

For a long time I’ve struggled to have any desire to be in a position where I attempt to put my opinions ‘out there’ without someone first asking for them. For a long time I told myself this was because people wouldn’t want to hear what I think. And although this might be true, I think something deeper has been the primary reason for this hesitation to speak out my ideas.

I’m the bus driver

I think what it really comes down to is fear of putting myself on the line. I’ve been assuming that others dictate who I am and how skilled I am when it comes to development or other things. Even now as I begin writing these blog posts, it’s easy to gravitate towards conceptuals and thoughts in general, so as to not have to put my code out on the internet for the world to judge.

Winning is losing

I so badly have wanted not to be wrong, that I missed opportunities to allow myself to fail and learn.

This paralyzation has held me back from improving my own skill and abilities. I so badly have wanted not to be wrong, that I missed opportunities to allow myself to fail and learn. I recently read a blog post (although I don’t remember exactly where) and one thing that stuck with me was this: “If we aren’t winning, we are learning.” I’ve done such a*good* job at wanting to win all the time, that I’ve just hidden myself so nobody can tell me where I have failed and how I can learn.

Putting yourself out there is putting yourself out there

For a while, even that realization wouldn’t have caused me to jump online and post my thoughts on a personal blog. I’ve now realized that I can’t go around wishing to be more a part of the developer community and further my knowledge if I’m not willing to put my thoughts on the line (no pun intended) and be wrong so that I can learn.

What do you really love?

There is always a new tool, a new way to make something more efficient, more fun, and more creative! After all, that’s what I love about building websites, right?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m just as opinionated as the next developer. I’m gonna use tabs (4-spaced of course) instead of spaces, and use my style of comments, and my text editor But that’s not to say that I won’t change, or don’t want to hear the pros and cons of other options. In fact I really enjoy that part of the web development world.

Sometimes it’s overwhelming. For instance, with new JavaScript libraries coming out each week, gaining a solid understanding of Angular 1 just when Angular 2 comes out, etc, But deep down, I love the fact that there is always a new tool, a new way to make something more efficient, more fun, and more creative! After all, that’s what I love about building websites, right? My most recent site is always my favorite, because I’m always striving to build better code, serve the client better, and be more creative than on the site before!

Summary

So I write these posts now in the guise of teaching others, when really, I do it to learn. Learn to fail, learn to collaborate, learn to teach, and learn to learn.