we have a camper at the lake and pretty much the same story there. I had a water bottle in with my cleaning supplies and one inside the fridge with my initials on it so, that everyone knew that it was mine and opened. yuk.

DG--don't feel bad--it's unbelievable where you hide the booze when you are a closet drinker. I use to put it into water bottles and i found one in a old jewelry box under the bed in our spare bedroom. I found such a good spot I even forgot about it. Ha---now that's bad.

The ridiculous part is that I wasn't even a closet drinker. I was really pretty open about my drinking.

HA, just yesterday I was down in the basement going through my totes of maternity clothes (to give to SIL who is pregnant) and I found a bunch of those travel size (like u get on airplane) bottles of vodka (empty of course) hidden throughout the clothes. I was like WTF! Must have thought that would be the last place hubby would look? So pathetic! Nice to know I wasn't alone in my "creative" hiding

Off topic, I'm going to visit a friend for a few days, and, even though I'm a non-theist, I'm starting to pray that I remember that I can't drink. Because she drinks (frequently, but not, I think, problematically), and I can picture a future in which I have drinks with her. I could probably even drink with her w/o getting drunk. But I'm repeating over and over again to myself that the ability to moderate for a couple nights is not the same as the ability to moderate over a lifetime. Yep, I could probably have a rum and coke with my friend and stop there. But next week, when I'm home alone and able to blast away the world by getting quietly drunk, that "safe" rum and coke will make it that much more difficult for me turn off the stupid and turn down the drink.

Brought a friend to AA today. Making small steps toward being social sober. One of the girls from AA called me and we chatted on the phone for a while. I feel so awkward chatting without a drinking. Even though I would like to make friends and go out and do things, it is just such a struggle for me to not be shy and weird and self conscious. I don't know if it looks like that outwardly, but inside I feel like I'm working overtime with anxiety. Alcohol made that disappear, made it all feel more natural and easy. I got my 2 month chip tonight. Going to see my son tomorrow. Another rather awkward social situation for me since we don't know each other that well and aren't really allowed to DO anything but sit there, but I am trying and he is trying. I just wish every social encounter didn't feel like such an awkward struggle that I want to run and hide from. Baby steps.

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Morning class! Day 70 today. I went with a friend to a bar/restaurant to catch up. He ordered a cocktail I did not. That sure confused the server who complimented me on being a good designated driver... "oh no, he is the one driving" pointing to my friend, "I just don't drink." She seemed not to be able to comprehend that.. but went along anyway.

Morning class! Day 70 today. I went with a friend to a bar/restaurant to catch up. He ordered a cocktail I did not. That sure confused the server who complimented me on being a good designated driver... "oh no, he is the one driving" pointing to my friend, "I just don't drink." She seemed not to be able to comprehend that.. but went along anyway.

Allie... maybe try picturing scenes where you are with her and not drinking. And conversation you will be having that doesn't center around alcohol. Maybe a non-alchy drink in your hand, etc.

Also... you don't have to go around drinkers yet if it's going to be too hard. Especially if it's just a social situation where you have choice, you know?

SoberJennie. Thanks. I've done an informal visualization, but setting aside 10 minutes just to visualize things might be a good idea. And I've been putting off going to see her to avoid the issue, but, eh, eventually one needs to look life in the face again. I'm just a little extra cautious because, after having had a great run through late April, when I quit, and through May, I had that lapse a week ago Thursday and I don't want to have a second one.

DG: Exactly. Maybe I phrased my post poorly. A more precise version of my post might have read "here's my travel plan. Here's the crap I know my AV is going to pull on me. Here's the logic it will use. Here's why it makes me nervous. Here's what I need to remember (i.e., yeah, AV, I know, I can moderate for a night, but I also know I can't moderate long-term, so shut up about the goddamn night, AV. Night is not a useful measurement.).

Probably I should have posted it in the June group, which I joined after my stupid Thursday. It is more of a first month challenge, and the remaining April folks seem to have their AVs under control already.

Omg, I'm having it rough lately... freaking me out. I think it's PAWS related. It must be. When I type and talk, I'm switching letters in words!! And this is so unusual for me, I'm an excellent speller and gifted in the language/verbal area, according to standardized tests and such... I feel so handicapped lately! And can't think of words I have been reading some things to my husband today and talking like I'm a 5 yr old or something It's like I'm fumbling all over words. Hate this.

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