Saturday, March 16, 2013

ok before I go on, a little update about the game review, I've been kinda busy but spring break is coming up soon, so I'll finish the writing then. and in the future I'll write the whole thing out before I post it so I can gurantee they'll go up regularly, now onto the main topic.

so on my way to and from school I pass one of those billboards that advertises the lottery and updates to show the current jackpot. like most people when the jackpot starts climbing I find myself occasionally fantasizing about what I could do with that kind of money. usually it's fairly normal stuff, pay off my debts, move to a larger city, finish school, buy a house etc etc. a twist came a bit later when I was watching some vlogs made by a trans woman one of the things she discussed was her new breast implants and she mentioned that she planned to get bigger ones later.

this prompted a few thoughts about myself and eventually I came to a depression realization. if I had the financial means I would likely become addicted to plastic surgery. between liposuction, breast implants, countless facial surgeries to "feminize" my face and hide my Adams apple (something on me that's already small enough I probably don't have to worry about it). it's not that I have anything against cosmetic surgery or anything, but the idea of me going in for the latest of a never ending string of cosmetic surgeries is not an image that I like. and the scariest part is I don't even need lottery money to get to that point, if I get a stable job as a programmer at a big company I could end up in a similar chain of surgeries, just with more time in between them.

now to be fair, it is possible that with HRT and maybe a couple of surgeries (like SRS) that my body issues will calm down at least enough to avoid this situation (though I really don't see them disappearing altogether). but I really don't know and when I think about it, the only thing preventing it right now is a lack of the money.