Personal Bests

A Look Back.

I look at Cullen and I see a one year old. For as fast as this year has felt, I watch him laugh and chase the dogs, and it’s easy to believe he is one. I cannot believe, however, that I am the mother of a one year old. I’m still wrapping my head around the whole mother idea in general.

Soon after Cullen was born, I wrote a lot about my postpartum experience and my journey into motherhood quite a bit. Having a baby is a total-life changer (as it should be). As I eased into it, I focused my writing more on Cullen and our family, and less about me specifically.

And here I sit just a few days weeks after Cullen’s first birthday (I started this post two weeks ago!) – a time of much reflection and emotion. I never really did official postpartum updates beyond the first few weeks – mostly because I knew that recovery would be a natural process that took a good bit of time.

So where does that leave me a year later…? These days, I feel pretty great. I’ve been pretty steady and consistent in my weight and health since about six months postpartum. As far as hard numbers go, I gained 34 pounds during my pregnancy, and as of today I’m actually 12 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. Now, I know that sounds like a big swing, but there are a number of things to consider as far as weight goes.

One week vs. one year postpartum – pictures taken exactly one year apart!

At the time that I got pregnant, I was about 4-6 pounds over my “typical” weight – the weight I’d held steady for several years prior. It was just a few months after my car accident, and since my activity level was down, me weight was up a bit.

In the months immediately following childbirth, my extra weight came off slow and steady as expected. I was actually back to my pre-pregnancy weight at seven weeks postpartum, although my body certainly looked and felt much different. I did pretty minimal exercise, mostly lots of walks with a baby strapped on my chest. Despite my best efforts to train for a few races, exercise definitely took a back seat this year. But I’ll get back to that in a minute.

Somewhere around six months postpartum, breastfeeding started to have an increased demand on my body. I mentioned this in a previous post too, but essentially – Cullen started crawling and moving at a very early age. Because of his increase in activity, his caloric needs increased, and at that point I was his only source of food. My weight started dropping quickly, and I significantly increased the calories and fat in my diet in order to keep up. But I lost a few extra pounds around that point that have remained off, despite my large appetite.

For the first few months after Cullen was born, I survived on sugar and granola bars. I had to really work to get any color into my meals, and I couldn’t believe I was struggling so much with something that used to be my strength. Now, at one year I feel like I’m eating better than ever. Part of that is probably due to our new neighborhood – way less takeout and quick stops into a bakery.

Now that Cullen is into solid foods – three meals a day plus snacks! – it has really forced me to take a second look at our family’s nutrition and wellness. I make sure we’re all getting a good variety of veggies, carbs, and vegetarian protein every day. (I’m planning to write another update on Cullen’s meals soon, so I can go into more detail on this then.)

Anyway, this is a really long winded way of saying that cooking and eating are going well, and in that respect, I feel really healthy.

Exercise…well, that is another story. If you had told me a few years ago that I would essentially take a year off from consistent exercise I would have been shocked. It was such a huge part of my life for a long time, both for health and happiness reasons. But for whatever reason, I just haven’t really made it happen this year.

Part of that, to be quite honest, is probably because I was lucky enough that breastfeeding helped me lose my extra weight, and so I didn’t have as much motivation to get back to the gym as quickly. I also really struggled to fit in exercise while taking care of Cullen. I won’t bother laying out all the excuses I came up with, but for me they have felt overwhelming. I know there is a solution to every excuse, and if you really want something you’ll make it happen. But I think that’s just it – I didn’t really want to.

Much of parenting is all about trying to find balance and identify priorities. I knew this year would go quickly. Pretty early on, I decided to stop stressing about fitting in trips to the gym, and start enjoying a little extra time with my family. I fit runs in when it worked, and when it didn’t, I’d try to squeeze in a walk later instead.

Getting to stay at home with Cullen is a huge privilege, so instead of dwelling on what I couldn’t do while with him, I started just embracing what we could do together. Don’t get me wrong – while I say I haven’t formally been exercising, I have still stayed very active. We walk a lot, do family hikes on the weekends, and I try to be up and moving with him as much as possible. We walk the dogs twice each day, and often meet a friend for a walk mid-day as well.

My one regret – if you can call it that – for this year is probably my lack of strength training. I’m a huge believer in building muscle and staying strong, and this is something I’d really like to change. Before Cullen was walking, I hauling him everywhere in my arms. He definitely helped me gain some nice upper body strength.

But now that he’s cruising around without my help, I’m rested and able to do more. My arms don’t ache at the end of the day like they used to. So I’m not going to make any grand proclamations about training or races right now, but I would like to increase my strength. I think my lack of muscle is also reflected in the lower number on the scale. It would be nice to feel (and looks!) buff again!

I had planned to continue here and talk about motherhood and parenting at one year postpartum, but I’ve been exceptionally wordy already. Seems better to split into two posts.

A few final thoughts – overall, at one year postpartum, I feel (and look, in my opinion) as healthy as ever. I wish I was doing a bit more strength training, and at some point I’d really like to jump back into consistently running. My wildest dreams involve a regular return to yoga too, but one thing at a time. But honestly? I just don’t feel as passionately about exercise at this current stage of life as I used to. I expect that passion will return eventually. In the meantime I’m active and athletic enough to chase a very high energy toddler around all day.

It will be interesting to see how my energy and appetite change as breastfeeding continues to decrease slowly. I haven’t had my body all to myself in almost two years – it will be interesting to see what that feels like again!

I can already imagine how many excuses I’ll be making to talk myself out of exercising after I have a baby! I’ve struggled with a return of mono symptoms for the last year an they have dictated my life, well, tried to, seeing as when I ignored them I just got sicker. So I completely understand that need to move and get back in shape and I also understand that it’s not even really driven by vanity, right? It jut feels so good to be healthy in everyday possible. I think you’ve been doing a great job, ive recommends your blog to so many fiends with babies and I will go back to these posts myself in the future, I’m sure.

i think my favourite part of this post is how beautiful you look in both your current and one year ago photos.. just goes to show, weight isn’t everything! you look beautiful no matter whether your weight is up or down!! congratulations Emily!

Congratulations on a wonderful year! I’m glad you are feeling so healthy. I was actually wondering if you would be able to write a post about some of the things you’ve done with your family’s diet? I have a 7.5 month old son, and we’ve been trying to include him in the family meals with BLW at home, and I often find myself feeding him something different because what we’re having isn’t suitable. My husband and I have been feeling kind of run down lately. We trained for a half marathon that is this tomorrow, and we’ve been letting ourselves eat pretty crappy (lots of pancakes as bedtime snacks) as a result, too. So next week we want to make some changes to get some of our energy back. You’ve mentioned things like adding in probiotics, drinking kombucha, but do you have any more specifics? Seems like our lifestyle is pretty similar and I just wanted to see what has worked for other families!

I loved reading this Emily- I identify with it so much. I so often feel lazy & hypocritical when it comes to exercise but the truth is I’m just not as passionate about it in this stage of life as I was 10 months ago. I love the time I spend with my baby and know that I will eventually transition back to formal exercise, but for now, being active with the little one is fulfilling enough!

You look fantastic Emily! I’ve had to take the majority of the year off of exercise too – and if you would have told me even a year ago that I’d be okay with it, I would have laughed at you! It’s definitely become less of a priority to get some other things in line!

great, great post. and yes, you really do look fantastic. you and my sister seem to live parallel lives. she has a 14 month old and just found out she is pregnant again-surprise of the century since she is a rail, still breast feeding, and had to take fertility drugs the first time around. i know that you would like to have another soon, so there’s hope that it will happen to you quickly! and about the whole break from exercise-i do that too and i don’t even have a kid. priorities change-and i bet you anything you will get back into it. it means a lot to you but at the moment something else means more to you. that being said, nobody is happy if momma ain’t happy-so take time out for yourself :-)

You look great! You were absolutely right to consider the effects of weaning, though. I’m trying to re-adjust how I eat and add more exercise now that my 1.5 year old is down to 1x a day, and I’m up 5 lbs. :/ Certainly, I feel like I have so much more energy. I rarely want to sleep much…which…is odd. Just a new stage to tackle!

I loved the last sentence. It is so true. I feel like I work out not just for myself but for everyone else. If I don’t keep my body intact, how can I take care of 2 toddlers? The most important thing about postpartum health is just that – being healthy and finding a balance. Nice job!

You look beautiful. I have a 15 week old baby, and you and your blog have been a role model for me. Even though I know there are tough times you don’t show on the blog, you’ve managed to raise an adorable, happy, healthy baby while keeping your sanity and health intact. You are a great mom!

I don’t know! We’ll see what happens. For what it’s worth, I don’t think I needed to gain weight to get pregnant the first time. My cycle had already returned and was leveling out before my accident. I was healthy, but definitely not under weight. I am guessing I will gain a few pounds back when we are done BF’ing, and that’s fine with me.

What a wonderful update! I wish my weight would drop without exercise, but unfortunately (or fortunately) it’s a pretty big component to keeping me at a healthy place – physically and mentally. I try to incorporate H as much as I can with exercise, but at the end of the day, I think it’s better for both of us if I spend 45 minutes at the gym without her. For me personally, It helps me to be a better mom.

You look awesome and Cullen looks as healthy and happy as can be. What a fabulous first year! :)

I, too, am looking forward to seeing why having my body to myself again is like. I think I’ll be there soon as we are almost weaned!

Wonderful post Emily! It definitely helped me put things into perspective. I often struggle with trying to make fitness a part of my life post-baby, but then deal with the guilt of not spending that time with my son. Now that he is older (9 months) one of my solutions has been to bring him down to our condo gym with me! I bring some toys, but he loves just crawling around and chasing the exercise balls. Sure, my workout takes longer because I am keeping an eye on him, but I do get some sort of workout without sacrificing any Tyson and Mommy time. Luckily I can go during the day when nobody else is there :)

Like you, I have lost excess weight from breastfeeding so I am below my pre-pregnancy weight, but I still value the fitness as it is an important stress reliever for me and just helps me feel better all around.

I love this quote! Another: “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone.

Being a mom makes me a sap. Something new to me! I’ll take it though.

Emily, I cannot express enough how much I have loved your posts-pregnancy, post pregnancy, Cullen’s life, etc. They have been SO helpful. I have learned so much as a “runner/breastfeeding mom” from you. Every time I wonder how I will make it through training runs or fueling for a run, I turn to your blog. Especially since I am also breastfeeding. You are the only person ” I know” that is a running/breast feeding mother-so you are my role model! Thank you so much for your genuine writing!

The “whole Mom thing” will begin to feel real in about six more months. The babysitter feeling will go away and it all changes. Remember, at that time, please, Cullen is just trying to figure out the best way to be his own little person. Nothing of the ‘terrible twos’ is personal to you or your husband. It is just a little kid trying to figure out how to define himself.

Oh gosh, I definitely don’t feel like a babysitter. I just still sometimes can’t believe I’m in this role – it’s such a life-changer. Cullen is definitely already trying to figure out how to define himself. :) He tests me a lot, but his smiles always make up for it.

I love your personal posts! I just want to say thanks for your honesty. I have the same experience of having lost passion for exercise after becoming a mother, and it’s so validating to hear someone else admit to it. Also, when you do you have your body to yourself, I wonder if you will be like I was after #1 and just start preparing for #2, so although you can do a few things (like more caffeine), you will still feel like your body belongs to someone else :)

And…. you’re still nursing! That’s great! I was wondering how that worked out and if you stopped at age one. Can’t wait for the update on CUllen’s mama milk replacement. I can’t find hemp milk with no sugar added, don’t want to use cow or soy, and no goat milk farms close to me…. So…. what to do what to do? Hoping you comment on that soon, as my baby is close to one and starting to need a little extra milk on the side.

i just said this to my husband yesterday—if you had told me 2 years ago that I would go 2 whole weeks without a run, I would have never believed you. That would have sounded like torture, but I had no idea how much I would prioritize my time with my daughter. I also think a big part is that I am thinner than I was previously. Chasing around a baby is hard work. I like to think I am also motivated by my desire to be fit beyond the numbers on the scale, but while I am fitting into my clothes, there is less motivation to wake up early and squeeze in a run. I do look forward to having it be a regular part of my life again! I so want to do a marathon in the spring. We shall see….

Congrats again on one year! Beautiful accomplishment. In my opinion your lifestyle choices sound perfect. If you look at those long living Europeans they are all about family, real food and walking. And I love your attitude on looking at what you can do and be grateful for- very inspirational!

Good point! A lot can be learned from various (healthy) European lifestyles. I’ve learned a lot by traveling to Iceland 3 times. I also have friends from Italy that mostly cook vegetarian. I always think of some of the islands off of Greece where people live longer than anywhere else in the world. Their secret is they are walking a lot as you stated but also only eating what is fresh and local (and growing a lot themselves). :)

Thanks for sharing your story! I am currently 7 months pregnant with my second child and my oldest will be 6 by the time the baby is born. Because of the large age gap, I almost feel like a first time mom again. I have been really worried about getting my body and fitness back after she is born. I hope to have the same experience that you did! With my first, I was only able to breastfeed for four months and after that my weight loss stopped. Hopefully I will be able to keep it up for at least 9 months this time and the weight will continue to melt off.

I had someone tell me once that you are never closer to what you want than when you are most willing to let it go. I really like how you talked about embracing your new role. Your family is the picture of wellness!

I had the exact same postpartum recovery: I chose to spend time w/ my baby vs. extra time at the gym, but still exercised when I could & took her on walks, etc. I also lost the pregnancy weight (& then some!) quickly. It just goes to show that a little bit of movement does make a difference & you don’t have to kill yourself w/ intense workouts every day to improve your fitness. Clean eats make a HUGE impact, too! You look fantastic, Emily!

Thanks Jacqui! Not sure about a return to out-of-the-house work. That will probably depend on any other babies that might come after Cullen. :) I know what I do now is not considered work by traditional standards, but it does involve a lot of time and effort on my part now. It is also a significant contributor to our income. So I do consider myself to be – at least part-time – a working mom.

Thanks for your honesty in this post regarding exercise. I was in the best shape of my life before getting pregnant, and practiced Ashtanga yoga regularly. My son is now 9 months old and I am staying home with him, and I just have not been able to find a regular place for exercise in my life yet. I too never would have imagined this–I thought I would be right back in the swing of things since feeling strong was so important to me. I think I’ll figure it out in time, but it’s nice to hear your story. It makes me feel better!

You look amazing, and I think you’ve set such a great example throughout this first year. With both of my kids, it really took me that first full year before feeling like myself again. Once he starts some pre-school or moms mornings out (if you go that route), it’ll be perfect to really get back in the swing of things. Enjoy this time for now, as you have!

This sentence really hit the nail on the head! I have five kids, and was pregnant with the each subsequent child while still breastfeeding the previous (make sense?). I didn’t have my body all to myself for over 9 years!! It really took a toll on me by the 5th child. Keep getting in all those vitamins, etc. with your wonderfully healthy meals. Your body will thank you for it :)

Even without a baby and breastfeeding my weight really drops if I am not doing strength training. Us women drop muscle really fast unfortunately if we don’t work on it. You will get back there and get addicted to that strong feeling.

All that aside, you are looking great! :) In any given stage of life, I think “healthy” ends up changing a bit.

Emily, you look great! I was really relieved to read this. I have a 7 month-old and really have been struggling with the fact that my want to get back into the kind of running and exercise I used to do just isn’t there yet. Unfortunately, I haven’t been as successful as you in naturally losing the weight but I find I would rather spend my precious time outside of work with my little girl than in a gym. Every once in awhile I feel a little glimpse of my old love of exercise so I think it will return but for now I will take being a little squishy for quality time with my little one :)

I read this and cant help but feel like we are living parallel lives. I think that happens with women after you become a mom. You just identify with each other so much. My “baby” is now 19 months and I still don’t know how that happened. Like you, I lost more than just the baby weight after having my kids and its definitely not due to intense workouts. I’m active and I do what I can, but it’s a lot less than I used to do. I’m ok with that though. Soon enough the kids will be in school and I’ll wish I had more time with them. If that means I have to be a little squishy, so be it.

Are you weaning yet? I’m looking forward to reading your post on that (assuming you are writing one). I am also a nursing mom and feeling a little nervous about weaning (I think it will be hard on both of us) though I am also looking forward to having my body back.

You look fantastic, in all the pictures! And I would agree, you do look super happy and healthy. My babies are now 2 & 3 years old and reading your post takes me on a trip down memory lane. The breastfeeding, increased appetite, workouts, and regaining your body! It’s all such a beautiful journey! Enjoy your sweet little boy.

I appreciate you recognizing how lucky you are to stay home. Nothing irritates me more than these bloggers who complain about being OMG so busy and make being home with their baby seem like a hinderance to their life. I choose to go back to work, but it is still hard. Balancing, being a mom, wife, work full-time, train and not lose my mind is a delicate act.

I also dropped excessive weight while nursing but now at 16 months (still nursing) I’m all leveled out and back at my normal weight. Are you planning on weaning soon or just letting Cullen wean on his own? At this point I feel like my LO will never want to wean. She still nurses 4-6 times/day.

I love this post. You are such a wonderful example of being healthy and balanced without being obsessed with exercise like I see in so many healthy living blogs.

That said, I was wondering how running and impact activities feel for you now? And if better, how long did it take? I am 5 mos post partum and still have pelvic discomfort/pain if I even try to run. I have been sticking with walks and swimming per my doctor’s advice. I’m getting discouraged that I may never run again…

Thanks Mo! At this point, I’m feeling pretty good as far as the pelvic pain goes. But with that said, I’m also not really pushing it much. I have no idea if I’d still have the throbbing if I went out and ran 8 miles (probably – ouch!). The feedback I’ve received here is that it is very normal to still have lingering pain at 6+ months PP. Hang in there!

Emily, I feel compelled to tell you that you really are a cut above the other bloggers out there. Your humility and thoughtfulness is so refreshing; I hope you know that there are thousands of anonymous readers out there who feel a real kinship with you. The quality of your posts have not suffered at all this past year, and this has not gone unnoticed by your audience. Thanks for your dedication to this blog, and I hope that you never stop writing.

I was curious as to why you survived on sugar and granola the first few months? Was it out of convenience, or was that what sounded appetizing? I am expecting my first in Feb and although my appetite is great right now, the first tri it was really hard for me to eat “colorful” foods. I love to hear other’s experiences and thanks for sharing! You look fabulous and Cullen just keeps getting cuter!

A little bit of both. Mostly convenience. It’s really difficult to come up with healthy, easy, grab n go options in those first few months where your hands are pretty much always full. Also, for whatever reason, pretty much every BF’ing mom I know has had a SERIOUS sugar addiction while BF’ing. No idea why, but don’t be alarmed if you need a giant cookie every day. :) Best of luck to you, and congrats! Feb is a good birthday month. :)

Oh man, this comment makes me feel SO much better – I cannot believe the sugar addiction that has developed while I’ve been breastfeeding these past 7 months! I’ve always had a sweet tooth, but It’s become almost shameful. I’d not heard that this is a common issue for BF’ing mamas.

Woah I didn’t write this but also true for me (and also named Sarah :) ). My ice cream consumption was through the roof and when I tried to cut that I just moved to chocolate :) like Emily I lost weight easily postpartum so I think my body is just asking for quick calories! I’m not going to stress over it too much while still b-feeding/pumping. I think the cravings will likely go down when my energy needs do.

Emily,
I started reading your blog RIGHT before Cullen was born and I am amazed at how fast time has flown!!!! But i do have to say that MOTHERHOOD looks fabulous on you! You are glowing! Running and yoga will always be there for you to mix in but right now, enjoy spending time with Cullen and watching him grow! Thats the most important thing in life ;) <3

It was right around my son’s second birthday when I finally felt like I had my whole self back…and regained my passion for exercise! Now I belong to a gym with childcare and do runs with the BOB whenever we can. Also for at home workouts…yogaglo.com is wonderful and fitnessista posts great free weight circuits.

Really enjoyed this post. I like how you don’t pretend to have it all figured out. Mommyhood is hard. You look pretty great. Are you planning on doing a post updating us on what you’ve decided for Cullen vis a vis milk/weaning?

I haven’t been consistent with exercise since having my one-year-old, either. The urge to work out really comes and goes, and like you said- that’s ok. We have our sweet and active little boys to run around with!

You look amazing!! I actually HAVE made running something of a priority since giving birth a yr ago, but it’s changed a lot for me too… I only run three days a week and have been very disciplined about using speedwork training plans (partly bc I know I have to schedule my runs in advance and stick to my plan, or they won’t happen), and I’ve PRed by a lot in both 5K and 10Ks thanks to them! But every time I start running more than, oh, 50 minutes a run I just lose all motivation… I was planning to run a half in Dec. but I just decided that it wasn’t worth it to me. Running is a nice release but it isn’t my priority, and I keep having to readjust when it feels like a burden instead of a break. I’m sure you’ll be back too, and don’t sell yourself short as a post-partum runner… you’ve finished TWO half marathons since Cullen was born, no? So impressive!!

I can’t wait to hear what you’re doing for strength training, because I haven’t done any this year either amd really want to start!

.Great Post Emily!! This is exactly the way I feel at eight months postpartum. I was just telling my husband this morning that I can’t believe I have lost most of my muscle mass and I am dying to gain it back….slowly.

“I just don’t feel as passionately about exercise at this current stage of life as I used to. I expect that passion will return eventually.”

This has nothing to do with this blog post, but have you heard of Veggie Grill? They have two locations in Seattle now (University Village and South Lake Union), and their food rocks! I had the Urban Plate since it’s gluten-free, the blackened portobello/tempeh stack was sooo good…and it’s the only fast foodish place I’ve ever seen that serves kale! Love it, and I think you might as well. http://www.veggiegrill.com/

I always love reading your blog posts. Even though I’m past this phase in the journey it’s so reassuring to know mothers are all facing the same challenges and major life changes. So nice that you are willing to share with everyone and open the discussions. You are absolutely beautiful at all your “stages”. It’s incredible what our bodies go through, creating this baby and then caring for them and then somehow transitioning back to our own again….often just to repeat the cycle :). I’ve always been a big exerciser but once I had kids the gym was hard for me because I just didn’t want to leave them at the kids club. But I have found some awesome at home videos that let me work around our often unpredictable shedules. My hsuband works unusual hours and the kids…well you know how that goes. It’s so nice to just be able to do the workout at home when I can fit it in. If you ever want some strenth video ideas I’d love to share some with you. Keep up being the best mom ever!!!

Hi! I have a random question that I’m hoping you can share your opinion on. Does C still require the need for swaddle blankets and sleep sacks at age 1? I was wondering if you could update a post about the Must Haves for a 1 year old vs. Newborn.

Great post Emily! I know what you mean about not wanting to exercise…when something drast (like a baby or a new job) takes up a lot of your life, it is hard to find that motivation again. I’m sure you wil lget back into in not time, but luckily you are still very active compared to a lot of people!

My son is coming up on a year, and I totally feel the same way as you about running and exercise. They used to be something I loved and looked forward to, but throughout pregnancy and this first year I am just not as passionate about making time for it. I wish I was! But you put my feelings on the subject into words very well, and I’m realizing that it’s ok to not be a huge runner right now. It doesn’t mean I won’t be forever.

It’s so interesting how things change, isn’t it?! When I was pregnant with Liam my OB asked what I was doing for exercise and I could rattle things off. Now when she asks what I’m doing during this pregnancy I said “you mean OTHER THAN chasing my almost-3-year-old around?!” Time is short and priorities change! You look great :)

Lovely post. I think walking and having an active LIFE is the best way to exercise. This is something I really appreciated since developing an inflammatory nerve disorder 3 years ago that left me disabled in activities (I can only walk short distances and can’t even drive) and not myself. It is slowly getting better and I just appreciate walking SO MUCH!

Great post! I agree you look great and so happy these days! The attitude you have taken about being active and not worrying about the running and other stuff is awesome! I know what you mean when you say it is such a part of life! Thanks for sharing!

I always prided myself on being heathy – in both eating and working out pre baby. During my pregnancy with P I was walking 2-5 daily ( and running the first 4-5 months) and eating even healthier than before. Like you, after P was born I couldn’t remember if I ate at all, much less worry about what it was that I ate. Then around 6 months, as she started eating solids, I started examining our food and now we’re all eating balanced, healthy meals. It’s just crazy how much that baby can drive your habits. Now I’m pregnant with our second one and I feel terrible for not working out, nor paying close attention to my calories and that I’m getting enough! We’re still eating super healthy, especially since our toddler needs all the nutrients we can offer her, but it’s just too hard to make sure I have all my snacks and calorie intake when I’m chasing a tot, working insane hours, and divulging in my photo hobby. Que sera sera I guess?

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