Yesterday it was reported — reported in the real Woodward & Bernstein sense, serious stuff we're talking about here — that a 24-year-old model named Leyla Ghobadi has said that she slept with musician Kanye West, even though he is expecting a child with girlfriend Kim Kardashian. What's more is that Ghobadi claims that Kanye told her his relationship with Kardashian is all a PR show and means nothing in real life. Terrible accusations, a real classy Post cover, and a whirlwind of questions. The first and most important question being: What do these love affair whistleblowers ever really hope to gain from doing so publicly? I know they get a moment of strange fame, but it is incredibly fleeting and not all that positive. I don't understand it. And then of course there's the question of whether it's true! As Page Six points out, Kanye is often without Kim. In fact he just flew off to Art Basel in Switzerland amidst all this ginned-up controversy to play a show. Plus he celebrated his birthday without Kim, and is on a promotional tour without Kim. If their relationship is good, it's good in a distant way. But who really knows. After that wild 'n' wooly New York Times interview I suppose anything is possible. West wants us to respect his trendsetting, so maybe his peculiar relationship with Kim Kardashian is one of those trends and we're just not cool enough yet to understand it. We'll figure it out eventually, but by then he'll be on to something else. [Page Six]

Oh dear. Amanda Bynes apparently attacked Miley Cyrus on Twitter yesterday, posting a photo of the former Hannah Montana star at the semi-recent Billboard Awards and saying "Ur ugly." I can't find the tweet, so maybe she deleted it or I'm just bad at finding tweets, but it would be in line with other things Bynes has been saying recently. She's very into who's ugly. Ugly, it seems, is the worst thing you can be in Amanda Bynes's world. Which isn't surprising, given that she grew up in showbiz. Anyway, the actual interesting part of this story is this quote from Miley Cyrus, who spoke about the mean tweet on a radio program yesterday. Take it away, Miley:

I just thought it was hilarious that she mentioned my name the moment I was the worldwide trending topic on Twitter. It's just funny the moment you're a trending topic how many people want your name to come out of their mouth, so somehow they can associate and maybe they can become a trending topic.

Yeah. I... For someone who's essentially in the right, Miley sure does sound a whole lotta wrong. "It's just funny the moment you're a trending topic how many people want your name to come out of their mouth." Well right, that is why you are a trending topic, because people are talking about you. Also they want your name to come out of their mouth or your name does come out of their mouth? There's a difference there. And in what strange world does Miley live where people are primarily concerned with being a trending topic? As far as I'm aware she's the only one who brought up the phrase "trending topic," like it's some kind of thing that anyone should remotely care about. This is all awful. This whole thing. OK, Biz. Pull the plug. It was fun for a while, but young people are just doing too much Twitter. Yup, shut it down. It's fine. We'll all be OK. We'll just have to learn to watch television by ourselves again. It's fine. No more Twitter. It's not good for us. [Us Weekly]

And no more cellphones either. It seems that Farrah Abraham, the Teen Mom star turned sex tape star, recently had a little texting sesh with none other than showbiz ghoul Charlie Sheen. TMZ somehow obtained the texts, I really wonder how that could have happened, which involve Farrah sending Sheen long missives about meeting up and having a play date with their kids or hanging out as grownups and maybe going to a party where there are "pornstar ppl." Sheen doesn't say much in return, but seems game for a hang. The whole thing is pretty unpleasant. Charlie Sheen has proven himself over the years to be pretty much a nightmare to women, so why Farrah would want to hang out with him is beyond me. Well, ha, no I just remembered who she is, so it is not surprising at all. Also, is the implication that they're going to have sex? Because I would imagine that sex with Charlie Sheen is an experience akin to something you'd see on Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmem. And lastly, Farrah has a serious your/you're problem that really needs correcting. Unless that's just how things are going. Maybe in the future it'll all be your, your for miles, you're a sorry thing of the past. Maybe Farrah Abraham is the future. Your welcome, America. [TMZ]

Princess Kate, also Duchess Kate, made her last public appearance before going on maternity leave yesterday. The pregnant royal, who is set to give birth to the Christchild on July 11 (the same day that its mortal enemy will be born), went on down to the docks to christen a cruise ship. She said "May God bless her and all who sail in her" (sail on her?) just before an enormous bottle of Moet Chandon, a $1,600 bottle mind you, went crashing into the bow of the Royal Princess cruise liner. She then kissed each sailor on the cheek, handed them each a lime to ward off the scurvy, and they set sail for the Cook Islands, most of them likely never to return. Kate was then whisked away and taken back to the Tower of London, where she will be sealed off until the childling is born, the great infant savior of all Britain and the world entire, who will, upon his birth, be crowned emperor of New Britain, reigning for a thousand years of war and glory. Either that or he grows up to be a pudgy kid who eats paste and is in the middle-bottom of his class at Eton. [People]

Unsurprisingly, a workman has suffered a head injury while working at Gwyneth Paltrow's house. Paltrow, a ripple of energy left over from a time travel, no doubt was making the workman do some terrible thing, ordering him to "clean the chimney with this toothbrush" or "eat these carbs while I sit and watch and make a keening sound." And then he was injured. It's just terrible. To be fair, we don't know how he hurt himself yet, but you've got to imagine that it was either Gywneth giving him some impossible task, something like "get in this pizza oven and close your eyes," or it was Chris and the kids knocking him out so they could steal his truck and drive to a Nando's and eat like f--king human beings for once. It was something like that. It just had to be. [Daily Mail]