Introduction

Hey. I'm amazed you've stopped to take a peak! I'm sorry to say that my blog is full of negative, atrociously positive, philosophical, or otherwise stupid posts concerning my thoughts, feelings, and every day life. But what the hell! If you think it's great, then I think you're great. Got it?

Pages

Feb 26, 2011

Often I wonder about random things, like maybe why the sky really is blue, and why it can't be hot pink. Or like why technology has to be so frustrating sometimes instead of just being nice and letting me do something I want to do. You know? Right now I'm wondering why my brothers can't be quiet. I mean, is it really physically impossible for them to just sit still on the couch and never say a word until my headache is gone? No. I so wish. I often wonder to myself why shopping takes so much from my mom. It saddens me, because it tires her easily when I feel like strutting a whole entire mall!!! I also wonder why I can't have 1,000,000 dollars of spending money. Dear Father Whom Rains Aardvarks....I wish.

Feb 21, 2011

OOOOH!! I'm so PISSED! I absolutely HATE my German teacher for assigning a stupid German Movie THIS freaking month. He couldn't have done it earlier? Of course not. Because he's stupid. He assigns it a week and a half before it's due for a movie contest, and our HUMONGOUS group has absolutely no time to do anything. I really wish we either a) had less people, b) ALL sacrificed plans to all do it on one long day, or c) been assigned this several months earlier.

But no. None of us can do that, because everyone has plans and likes those plans better than their grades. We were all going to do it today, a break from school. But Kaylynn got her phone taken away from her, so I was left unaware if we were doing it. Hours pass, and I find myself getting more and more nervous. I tried her facebook, nothing. I tried to even text her mom, but no answer. Finally she called me, but I didn't think anything was going to work anymore. Katie, the victim of our movie, is in Tooelle County right now with her Aunt and won't be back until eight tonight. Kelton, the criminal on trial in our movie, couldn't make it until four, and Kaylynn had to go to her dad's at six, and I didn't have a ride there. I guess Cole, our judge, could have come, but then there was the problem of Sara, our witness, who has absolutely no way of contacting her. So, both Kaylynn and I decided that we'll do it Wednesday. Kaylynn and I both hope that her mom can pick all of us up Wednesday and we can film and stuff and then get picked up by parents later on. Have I ever told you that I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE making movies?? Yeah. Mindy Christen will NEVER be a name under the director's list on a big screen movie. NEVER. Not even a little one. No. I will NOT be the director when we do a music video for math. I will NEVER be a director ever in my life. Never. Ever. Ever. You can't make me.

We have it all settled, but I'm still so freaking pissed. We have costumes, props, setting, editing, burning, scripting, all that crap that we need to do too. I doubt I have a gavel somewhere in this house........Unless I use a mallet....Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm......................... I'm done typing, sorry.

Feb 20, 2011

If only the birds were chirping, the wind a light breeze, and the thought of warmth outside were a possibility on this Sunday morning.....

But it isn't. Instead, I can hear the rough, whistling wind slamming on our house with flurries of freezing cold ice....No, it's not a good day. It may hold my boyfriend back from coming over today to watch movies.....blaaarrrgggg!!!! This Sunday isn't good. Nope.

Feb 18, 2011

I have created a new short story that I will be posting up on Passion and Roses. I feel accomplished because I haven't written a short story in forEVER. And I think this one turned out really good. I wrote it really fast and let out a lot of emotion through it....which will explain the explosions and deaths....btu you know, it's good for me, and it's a great 3,126 word Story Story, you'll love it. It's "A Vulnerable World"

Feb 17, 2011

Ice Skating. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot of fun when you're with your best friend and the guy you really like. But...Nothing's ever good when you count 5+ falls on the ice. Oh but this morning I definitely felt it. My knees have huge nasty bruises and my ankles are covered in blisters. My butt is sore from falling on it also and my tongue is burned from super hot chocolate....ow. Unfortunately for me, my spirit and my energy is drained from the long night as well. To make matters worse, I forced myself to stay up until 3:30-4:00 because I didn't want to fall asleep and dream. I don't like dreaming anymore....it's personal, but I just don't like to. I get myself tired enough to the point that I can fall asleep and it will all be black. Of course, I have a headache today, a depressed mood, hurting legs, and a growing irritation for PEOPLE. People, that is, except for Kaylynn, Possibly Brett, and ze Cousine Rachel! It's a sad matter, but it's a solid one. My brothers are especially making me mad.

Swear words aren't enough this time.

I want to say "Shit" and "Damn" and "Bastard" and "Fuck" and "Bitchy" and swear at whomever rules above us, but this time....my irritation and feelings have hit a curve so high, that I don't even want to use graphic words to let my anger out. It's this kind of anger that sort of scares me, but I can't control how I feel. You won't believe how many shoes I've thrown at the walls (Thanks Kaylynn) or how many walls I've punched today....It's a horrible day, and to make it worse, everyone is constantly asking "Mindy....what's wrong?!"

DUH!!!!

Obviously I'm not feeling good. OBVIOUSLY I'm in a bad mood. WHY pester me and make me more irritated at you when you already know. NO! PEOPLE DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS WRONG! It is absolutely NONE of their business. Oh. But people still want to know, because people are stupid and curious. That's when you lie and say you're very very tired. Usually telling people how late I stayed up resulted in "Shame" or "Oh..." then it would shut them up, but I wish I had learned that before first period. Instead I discovered that handy effect during LUNCH. I have second lunch too, so It wasn't until closer to 1:00 when I learned it was so brilliant. I wasted a ton of my day like that. I let my mind escape though, when I played lasertag during second period. We went to Jack and Jill's bowling lane today and I got to play laser ag with friends...but I sucked because I wasn't totally into it. 8th place.

Whoop-dee-doo.

I think blogging all this out is helping a lot though, you won't believe how much writing helps me in my times of need. It's just that...it's not only having a hard skating experience the night before. No way. It's all the school work and stress that's being dumped on me. It's all this envy I'm feeling towards people. All this doubt I have for my Boyfriend. It's all this social life squishing me under it's toe. I have a German movie that hasn't even STARTED due tomorrow. Fail. This weekend half our group cannot film. Fail. I am assigned to do a "Music Video" for a Geometry class. (I know, I've already sworn at the creation of Geometry and Music Videos now) A possible fail. I have an English book test tomorrow...haven't read any book. Fail. I have a Europe Map test next week. Possible failure. I'm suppose to color both a drawn up comic book and a sign for a plane for European History tomorrow...haven't done it. Fail. PE is back to getting hard workouts again. Suck. The regular Math homework and Unit Summary due next week, (Plus Test). I know I'll fail.

And at the same time, everyone in my little German group decides I get to be the director. That I get to find a setting and get everyone together. I already wrote out the script and translated most of it. I have so much other crap I have to do too. Why does everyone expect so much of me?

Feb 16, 2011

I'd hardly call myself a woman, but I have great news! My wrist doesn't hurt nearly as bad anymore, so I'm taking the stupid wrap off and celebrating my freedom of gauze-y prisons. At the same time, today I won't be home until late, since I'm going ice-skating with my best friend and boyfriend. It's her birthday today. Yes. Kaylynn's. I'm pretty excited. I mean, I already got her a present, a book called "The Clockwork Angel" at christmas time, but I feel like I need to get her something else. Because an iTunes card was her christmas present but I have them both to her early, so she's had her present from me for a while, but I still feel obligated to do something else....hmmm.....I don't have much time, considering I have twenty minutes before school starts. Think I could make biscuits in twenty minutes?

I'm not quite sure. Oh well. Then Thursday I'm going to see if I can get my group to start filming our German movie. Yeah, we have to do this German movie for a grade....and it's due Friday. :O no time whatsoever to finish it, and we're all screwed. It's just going to have to be late. Brett and I have to do podcast stuff for Biology anyway today, so it's going to be very very busy! Then Friday is when it's due and hopefully I won't have to go anywhere Friday night.......*Silently hopes* because I just want to stay home all night. I've been out a lot lately, and it's good to stay home for a while, that's how I see it. But if I stay home too long, then I want to get out more. So I need to balance this out finely.

The weekend is a long weekend too!!! And I have that long weekend to do homework and study for my European map test in Geography....kill me. Shoot me. I don't want to do it. Nope. Oh well, I have to. And it's for a good grade. BLAJFKLJDSOIAFJAL!!! That's how annoyed I am. I need to check my grades....bla.

Have I ever stressed how much I hate Skyward? Yes, it's a stupid program designed to make our grade checking and entering easier, but I think it's crap compared to Powerschool. Oh. Probably because it was made for ELEMENTARY. Bla! People in this world are stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. I kill them all. Well, if I could. Oh well, anway, I should continue talking of work, huh? But I don't really want to anymore. I've gotten what I wanted to say out, so I'm going to do just that. I'm going to sign off, also because it's sorta time for me to get ready to go to school. :P Love my readers!

Feb 14, 2011

A difference indeed, and that difference is that....Lust and Loathe are extremities compared to today's Love and Hate. Why do I bring this up? Because it is Valentine's day. 02-14-2011. February 14, 2011. The fourteenth day of the second month of the two thousandth and eleventh year. My fifteenth Valentine's day. My first Valentine's day with someone who wants to be mine. A Valentine's day where I feel normal: Not mushy-gushy, and not drearily hateful of the holiday.

Level 1() Smoked A Cigarette (No.)() Smoked A Cigar (No.)() Kissed a member of the same sex (That's disturbing...)() Drank Alcohol (I wish.....Just a sip of some fancy booze one day....)

SO FAR: 0

Level 2(x) Are / Been In Love (That is correctomundo!)() Been Dumped (People love me too much to dump me!)() Shoplifted (Heck no.)() Been Fired (Not old enough)() Been In A Fist Fight (Now....it wasn't a fist fight)

SO FAR:1

Level 3(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person (HA! Have you SEEN the pics surrounding this post?)(x) Skipped School (Of course I have, everyone has got to some day!)() Slept With A Co-worker (I'm not that extreme....)(x) Seen Someone / Something Die (Animal Planet counts, right? If not, we hit a deer one day and I watched it die)

SO FAR:4

Level 4(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends (It happens to everybody)() Been To Paris (Sigh)() Been To England (Sigh....again)() Been On A Plane (WHAT THE FRAPP WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME?!?)

SO FAR:5

Level 5() Eaten Sushi (No.......I don't know if I want to)(x) Been Snowboarding/Skiing (Heh.......Yes.)(x) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook/Myspace/etc ...SK? (Yeah....great experience)() Been in a Mosh Pit (Hah...I hope not....I should look up what this means)

SO FAR: 7

Level 6(x) Taken Pain Killers (Who hasn't.....?)(x) Loved/Liked Someone Who You Can't Have (Of COURSE *Cough* Jared Leto *Cough*)(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By (Again. Who hasn't?!)(x) Made A Snow Angel (THIS is a crazy thing to do?)

SO FAR: 11

Level 7(x) Had A Tea Party (And it was an electrifying tea party!)(x) Flown A Kite (Duh.)(x) Built A Sand Castle (I won't believe it when someone tells me they HAVEN'T)(x) Gone Mudding (Now that was fun....)(x) Played Dress Up (Unfortunately I didn't have much to dress up in.)

SO FAR: 16

Level 8(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves (Nothing to comment on here)(x) Gone Sledding (Ouch is all I can say)(x) Cheated While Playing A Game (Dude......everyone has)(x) Been Lonely (No doubts there)(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School (Mr. Moon's: I got moved to the back ;D )

SO FAR: 21

Level 9(x) Watched The Sun Set (Sitting on the roof of the Honda. Freezing my butt off.)(x) Felt An Earthquake (Utah had one last night.)(x) Held A Snake (Of course. Those things are so frickin awesome)

Level 12(x) Eaten A Whole Pint Of Ice Cream In One Night (It's not that hard....)(x) Danced In The Moonlight (Sure did. It's fun when you're having a barbecue with a bunch of friends)

SO FAR:31

Level 13(x) Hated The Way You Look (Still sorta do, but I'm working on that.)() Witnessed A Crime (Dang I wish!)() Pole Danced (Maybe I don't want to admit it....)(x) Questioned Your Heart (Plenty of times to get me sick of it)(x) Been Obsessed With Post It Notes (Uh...have you SEEN post it notes? They are the frickin bomb!)

SO FAR:34

Level 14(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud (The mud is so squishy!)(x) Been Lost (The store counts, right?)() Been To The Opposite Side Of The World (Again: I WISH!!!)(x) Swam In The Ocean (More like thrown down to the sea bottom by some waves when I was five)(x) Felt Like You Were Dying (Yeah, whenever I get sick. :P)

SO FAR: 38

Level 15(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep (I look horrid in the mornings....)(x) Played Cops And Robbers (Dude, I play cops and robbers to the extreme.)(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers (I'm sorta forced to in geography)(x) Sang Karaoke (Yep. Those were horrifying times)(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins (It's called lunch.)

Level 17 (HOW MANY LEVELS ARE THERE?!?!)(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus (Not considered crazy in my book.)(x) Watched The Sun Set and/or Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About (Yep. Baby brother Ryan.)(x) Blown Bubbles (Seriously.........why ask it?)(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere (It got very very big....)

SO FAR:50!!!!

Level 18(x) Crashed A Party (It was quite fun actually)(x) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People (*Shudder* I hate family vacations)(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading (All the time)(x) Had A Wish Come True (Yep....I wished for pizza night one day....I got it)

SO FAR:54

Level 19(x) Worn Pearls (Yes.....Great Grandmother gave them to me)(x) Jumped Off A Bridge (It wasn't very tall or extreme....but it was STILL a bridge!)() Swam With Dolphins (How lame.)

SO FAR:56

Level 20(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube (All three....)() Kissed A Fish (Ew! I'd rather kiss a frog!)(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes (I live in a house full of....one...three....FIVE Boys.)(x) Sat On A Roof Top (Yay for roofs!)

SO FAR:59

Level 21(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs (Yeah.........I was voiceless after that one.)(x) Done / Attempted A Cartwheel (Attempted.....failed.)(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours (Haha....luv ya Boyfriend!)(x) Recently Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About (Once again, <3 BF)

SO FAR:63

Level 22(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree (Grandpa raised trees....)(x) Attemped/ Have Climbed A Tree (Oh I am pro-tree climber....person)(x) Had/Been In A Tree House (Oh please....that's not crazy at all)(x) Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone (Shh. Don't judge.)

Level 24() Played Chicken (What's that?)(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger (Let me tell you, it was quite awkward.)() Broken A Bone (Haha. I'd like to keep that record.)(x) Been Easily Amused (The night light.......)

SO FAR:71

Level 25() Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later (Ew. Why would I do that? Well...depends on what fish I catch)() Made A Porn Movie (No way!)(x) Caught A Butterfly (It's harder than it looks....)(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried (I was high.....on sugar)(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed (Only once. That was when I realized I was crying over a toy)

SO FAR:74

Level 26 (So is this a game? The whole level thing? Does that mean I'm winning?)(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone (Again. No judging.)(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You (Yeah, friend's sister....)(x) Cheated On A Test (Who hasn't?)(x) Forgotten Someone's Name (All the time.)(x) French Braided Someones Hair (It's easy...just doesn't look pretty when I'm done)() Gone Skinny Dipping (In college I will. >:] )(x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House (Yes, actually, I have. For a few hours in the sun)

SO FAR:90

Level 27(x) Rode A Roller Coaster (Pfft. What kind of question is that?)(x) went scuba-diving/snorkeling (Snorkeling is weird...)(x) Had A Cavity (Too much sugar)(x) Black-Mailed Someone (It was very fun.)() Been Black Mailed (everyone loves me too much....)

SO FAR:94

Level 28(x) Been Used (I was informed before I was used, so it's okay)(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs (It's possible....)(x) Licked by A Cat (Not very fun)(x) Bitten Someone (Very fun)(x) Licked Someone (Sorta weird tasting....)

SO FAR:99

Level 29(x) Been Shot At/Or At Gunpoint (My brother is stupid....he shouldn't get airsoft guns for xmas)() Had Sex In The Rain (That's just gross.)() Flattened Someones Tires (I want to very badly...)() Driven Your Car Until The Fuel Light Came On (I don't have a car!)() Got R20 Or Less Worth Of Fuel (I don't know what that means....)

Result:100!!!!!

Re-post this with the title ''I've done ...x out of 128 weird Things'' and tag at least 20 people to continue the note. (:

Feb 11, 2011

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, â€œDear God won't you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayed
And she say

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
Cause nobody has shown me what love,
what love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said

I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I...

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

Feb 10, 2011

Okay, I didn't realize how much I missed him until I hung out with him after school today. He has been so busy with friends and school projects and drama and stuff, that he hasn't been able to see me after school for a while. Since Monday!!! Yes, it's years in girl standards! Especially if you like the guy, you know?! Yeah, I really really like him, although I discovered I have very weird quirks when I'm around him............Poor me.

OMG!!!! I paused writing for a lot of minutes to finish up my English essay.....It's about a news article important to me, so I chose "Netiquette" or Internet manners. Ha...get it? I'm a blogger? ANYWAY!!! I am supposed to write a five paragraph essay and submit it on MyAccess.com :D It gives you a holistic score out of 6. 5.2 is usually my range with this writing and stuff, so guess what I got on my essay?

6.0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And because I love it so much, I'll let you read my essay (If you want)
Word count is 936....

The Business of Us All

Many websites and businesses are promoting strong "Netiquette" or politeness over the computer. It's an easy way for computer users all over the internet to express their own opinions about a subject in a polite way without being personally attacked. When other users turn around and swear at someone just because they don't like a debate or an opinion, it just goes to show how messed up this internet world is becoming. The next generations to come will be living on the computer, never finding time to actually disconnect from the virtual world. Children are socially inactive because of their dependency on the computer and the internet life. They don't know how to act in public because they are in tune with using emoticons and abbreviations like "LOL" for laughing out loud. You don't normally say that in public. Of course, in this new life, we are going to be required to use technology to make life better, so Netiquette should be put into play. Computer users should not only know about the encouragement for internet politeness, but practice using Netiquette to make the internet a better place.

Using formalities through text improves your business opportunities. Let's start with the basics: most resumes are being written and sent in over computer. Businesses are improving their cooperation and financial situations by upgrading with technology. Of course, you could always send in your resumes the old-fashioned way, but nobody does that anymore. When you write a resume, you want to sound formal and do your best when trying to impress your future boss. Talking to someone as if they were right in front of you is one way to earn respect with your employers. Writing business letters and dealing with clients apply to the same set of guidelines. When you have racist, sexist, or impolite comments, you are basically telling people that you don't care about the business you are working for, and that can get you fired.

Being polite when you communicate with someone may impact your life later on. Once again going into formalities, a few examples of relationships-gone-bad may be something like entering chat rooms with a desire to swear up a storm at innocent users. Following the Netiquette rules for things like group discussions, E-mails, and Power-Points will get you a lot farther in life than you would think. Using vulgar language, insulting comments, advertising inappropriate or annoying ads, spreading lies, promoting SPAM or pirated software, or even posting up links to auctions will either get you kicked out of a group discussion or bring dislike down on you from every angle of the situation. With E-mails, people may find something insulting because you didn't make your point clear. You don't want to talk to a teacher or higher ranked official with the attitude of a five year old. Typing in all capital letters won't make the situation any more better anyway. Because when you meet them in person, you might be loathed by many. With virtual instant-messaging, whatever you say will be remembered by the opposite user, so use your words carefully. They might see you in person someday.

Kindness when using the computer for leisurely purposes just makes it easier to have a fun time. Facebook is a great example of this. Unless you are mentally bizarre, you won't virtually turn to a friend's facebook page and write mean things about them on their wall. "Johnny is a nose-picking freak!" You don't write that. That is basic Netiquette. Facebook has become so popular that it is important to realize that your life isn't Facebook, although people believe it to be. Would you insult someone to their face in reality? No, so why do it on Facebook? Most people believe it's because they can get away with it, since you aren't "Face-to-face" with someone, even though you're still telling them this. For example, there is a website called "goodreads.com". There you can share books and role play stories with other internet users who have an account. Within the website, you can email-message different users. For groups, you can send out a broadcasting message for updates on what the group is doing. I am in charge of a group, so I decided it would be exciting to do something like that. I sent out a group message about writing contests, and one user messaged me back, using vulgar language and ridiculous capital letters. She couldn't even spell the disfunctional swear words right. Of course, I thought this was rude of her to tell me that she didn't want these messages, so I politely messaged her back and tried to comfort her. I got nothing but heinous attitude and a discouraging spirit. There is nothing like someone telling you what to do and getting depressed from it. She continued to fight with me, and I knew immediately that I was done talking to her.

That would be a bad example of something you shouldn't do on the internet. It not only irritates other people, but it gets you nowhere with others. Cooperation is a big puzzle to solve with this technological world, and nobody can change what's coming. Netiquette online makes business ventures, communication, and relaxing freedom easy and impacting. That is why learning Netiquette should be encouraged and known to everyone around the world. The computer is a big part of our American culture now, and it is important for everyone to know how to be polite to one another. Without a peaceful world, comes fights that leads to wars and wars that leads to hate. We don't want this, that is my opinion.

Feb 9, 2011

Cream together Self-Image, Attitudes, Individualities, and Spirituality for a long time. Give yourself a few years at the start, and you'll become perfect and creamy on the inside. It's a little like creating your personality. Add Emotions to make you a little more human and in tune to the world you belong in. Blend your personalities and emotions well. Mix in Experience and Self-Esteem. Gradually add Wisdom as it blends. As the years keep spinning, your being begins to be added to. Add a little Memories and Thoughts with a wooden spoon to spice up yourself and make the journey a bit more yummier and hard working. To become rich and full with new taste and preparation for the adulthood ahead of you. You preheat your future path ahead of you, but for the next 10-12 years, let life bake you to the test, so see if what you're made of is strong enough to handle the pressure and battles. When it's over, pull yourself away from the high life and settle down in the country to cool off and live the rest of your life before death. You're still steamy and warm though, and that's what other people want in order to embrace you for the sweet treat you are.

Yields: 100 lives

Time to compare this recipe with my Grandma's basic Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe.

Feb 8, 2011

My friends should all be replaced by bland blobs that are grey. You know why? Yes, I'm sure you do. With every single extra varying personality comes some sort of Drama. Believe me when I say that, and I'm sure my readers have experienced this also. You have to admit though, if one friend wasn't so hyper or loud, then maybe you wouldn't be in a cookie theft epidemic. Just saying. If my friends were all blobs, I bet you anything that any boyfriend crap, girlfriend crap, depression, drama queen crap, stressed-out-banana crap, prejudice, judgments, and dirty thoughts would all be GONE. GONE GONE GONE! I wouldn't have to stress out when I have an upcoming test and I can't study because my friend over here is being stupid, while this friend over here is heartbroken, and that friend over there is pulling away from me... You see why they should be mindless grey blobs? They wouldn't have feet to kick me with, or arms to strangle or POKE me with, they would all have perfect, straight, white teeth. They would all be grey because that's a boring color, which will go with they zombie like boring minds. They will all be bald, so no one worries about hair-doing or appearance. They will not have facial blemishes except for oozing blobness that they will naturally all have. They will not care about how they feel, look, or see things, and they will ALL listen to me when I have problems. They will be my blobby pets, awaiting requests from me for their service of listening and being boring. They will all have pencils so they can write down in sloppy handwriting what I tell them to write. Say I'm in a writing mood, yet I don't want to actually type or write anything. I'll make them do it, then read it back to me in a monotonous voice. Yes, I very much like this idea. At lunch they will sit around me and eat averagely medium-speed so that we will neither be early, nor late for next class. They will all have the same classes as me, so I will not feel left out.

And to be honest, I'd have a TON of blobby friends....(I can't stop making friends >.<)

But I have also decided something.

My friends should all stay the same and never change.You know why? Yes, I'm sure you do. Because with every little detail that makes up every little personality, I find that I love them more and more for who they are. Each and every little quirk is smiled upon by me, even if that means having to deal with crap that comes from that tiny little quirk. The boyfriend crap, girlfriend crap, depression, drama queen crap, stressed-out-banana crap, prejudice, judgments, and dirty thoughts are all what makes up my life with my friends. I'll never escape it, and I'll never want to escape it. You know the friend being stupid over here? Or this friend that's heartbroken over here? Or maybe that friend that's breaking away from me over there? I don't mind, because it's that sort of thing that will make me think to myself and say, "Hey, that's how they are. I either accept it, or go through more drama to prevent it." My choice. Of course, the drama is what will stress me out and make me question who I am and what I'm doing, but I believe that this is how it's suppose to be. Me and my cousin both are going through this. So I won't have it any other way. That's how I want all my friends to feel. One might not like the way she looks, and one might not give a crap on how he looks. Another might be too loud and obnoxious for too many to handle, while another is mellow and quiet and hard to talk to. Either way, I'm the balancing fulcrum between the two weights. Dramatic times and Desirable friendships. However, this lever system is simple and will always be used, so wish me luck, because I'm taking a plunge into a new attitude and embracing my friends the way they are, no matter what.

Feb 7, 2011

I've decided to make my blog brighter, because of my depressed mood. Every time I come to write on here I want my color choice to affect my mood. Yellow for fun, exciting things, blue for my favorite color and how OCD I am with my blog. I took a personality color test, and I came up mostly yellow, so that should explain a lot.

Monday. First day of the school week, a pain when trying to wake up from a warm, sleep filled weekend, and the King of Stupidness when it comes to attitude and friends.

To be honest, my weekend sucked. My friends were with me Friday night, but I still didn't have a good weekend. Superbowl was on Sunday. I still didn't have a good weekend. I went quite a few days missing my boyfriend and wondering if Kaylynn and Brett were doing okay, and I didn't expect Monday to be so stupid because of it. For one thing: My wrist hurts like crazy, in many different spots. Sore, sharp, whatever. I got "Oh no, what happened?" Or "What did you do to your arm?" all day long, and every time I'd have to tell my skiing incident again and again. But that wasn't a big thing. It was just some news I got that affected everybody around me. I know, it sounds like I'm being mean and saying I wasn't affected, but you won't believe how deeply that hurt me, all because Kaylynn wasn't feeling her best today. Yeah, that's how much I love her. It was just that....I didn't want to be depressed all day, because I woke up with high spirits. Whenever that happens to me, I feel hyper and fun, "Frisky" as Kaylynn would put it, and I couldn't change that.

But the consequences weren't considered "bad" to people who didn't know me. For me, I felt like my mood was ruining me, even though people would do anything to have that sort of mood. I felt out of the loop. There was really nothing I could do. So I was in a good mood, but my boyfriend, my best friend, a few other friends, and a few teachers were all pressing on me and making me feel far away. You know, off in my little world...all alone. Where is everyone?

You know those moments, where you want to help someone, but all you can really do is give them words? Words....that probably just float through their ears and don't faze them at all. It's those times that I feel helpless and useless. Like, my presence has no meaning to anybody. I feel it everyday. Today in PE, Kaylynn probably hugged Drew a ton, and she took comfort in that.....do my hugs give her comfort? Or are they just a quick wrapping of limbs around body? But it's not just about Kaylynn's problem, or what she thinks. I don't care about that. The question for me, is if ANYONE takes comfort in what I try to say or do. Anyone I try to comfort....I can't. When a friend of mine had boyfriend problems, asking me to help her, I didn't know what to do or tell her. I had never had experience with that kind of hurt she was feeling, All I knew was movies and books, and those aren't even close to real life emotions, because it's all fake. So when she wanted me to help her stop crying, all she received was silence: a painful, contemplative silence from me. How was I suppose to help her? My cousin Rachel has different, stressful problems and I had never experienced what she was, although I understood. That's all I could tell her. I understand. I don't know any quick "forget this whole incident" potion. I had nothing really to help her with. So what if everyone you love and know needs support from you? But you only have so much to say...

Sometimes I'm convinced that what I tell them doesn't help at all, even if they tell me it helps a lot. It probably doesn't help physically or motivationally, maybe not even mentally, because I can't. I just can't figure it out. Peacemaker? Ha. More like a troubled in between person. It's not them that needs help.

Feb 5, 2011

I guess I don't know why I haven't been ambicious and posting every day, but I've been so busy or distracted lately. Computer isn't satisfying me any longer. I don't do much online. The only things I really do is Facebook, this, a little goodreads, gmail, and sometimes picnik when I'm bored. You know how sad that is? I don't believe in video games. So I'm sorta bored right now. I was sleeping all freaking day long too, so I have absolutely nothing to do. I also slept all day long today, so I'm not tired at all either. Oh and my wrist is in pain also.

So I'll start with Thursday: The day I got the flu. Haha so it was the 24 hour flu. You were scared for a minute, I could just sense it. But anyway, I was worried that might get in the way of Friday's plans, so I was sick all through school, and then threw up at home. I was sick while Parental friends came over and played games with all the kids. So I got to watch Avatar downstairs instead. I woke up all happy Friday morning though.

Guess what I did on Friday? My PE class went cross-country skiing. Which leads to a tragedy that has happened. Yes, so me, Kaylynn, and Drew all partied on the bus there, then we all tired ourselves out on the hard run the "Roller Coaster" bwahahah! I did this crazy biff into a snow bank while going down a hill way fast! There was a sharp turn I couldn't make and I flipped upside down into a snow bank. I lost my left hand pole and my ski. Another time I lost my ski into a deep ditch of ten foot snow, so Kaylynn had to retrieve it. I made her get it so that I could be SURE they weren't going to leave me. Haha....I'm so mean. Anyway, I fell another time while going on another turn, and just skidding on my butt. That was right before Kaylynn had to get my ski. Gee, I've got my stories all wrong. Oh well, bear with me anyway. So after I fell into the snow bank, Drew left us, and Kaylynn was pissed because she lost her ski as well. So Kaylynn and I skied back to the lodge to eat lunch and hopefully find Drew. He got their after us and we forgave him. Oh but the bus ride home was horrible for me. I was stuck on the end next to a bunch of *** **** **** **** ****** *** **** *** **** ** people next to me who threw up into a bag and threw it at each other. "Populars". I. Hate. Those. People. When we got off the bus, I was about to kiss the ground hello, but I didn't. Then I waited until 2:45 to see friends, and I sorta hoped my Bf would come walk me home like he usually does, but he didn't. It's okay though, I don't mind.....heh.

Anyway, yeah, so now its saturday and guess what? I'm feeling after effects of everythign that happened in the course of two days. I'm getting a cold from being in the snow all day. I pulled a ligament in my left wrist from the crash into the snow. My muscles are all sore from the hiking. And I'm so flipping tired from a week of sleep deprivation. All in all, today sucks.

Feb 2, 2011

I'm definitely not professional, but I like taking pictures of myself and people. First of all, I've gotten over my self-ugliness because hey, everyone is ugly. Which makes NO ONE ugly. Duh. Secondly, It's great to catch people's faces in the pictures you take. (Yes, 70 percent come up ugly or hilarious) hehe, but of course, that's life. Third and definitely last, I take pictures because it's sort of an addiction. I'm not sure why, but I just think it's fun and obsessive. So that's a third object to my obsessing list.

30 Seconds to Mars
Dr. Pepper
Photography

Tee hee. I have other likes, but those are the top three that I have officially decided I have. So....I'm done talking. yay!

Feb 1, 2011

So how come whenever I am happy, everyone else around me slips away and feels emotions nothing close to mine? I know that it's something weird to think about, but it depresses me. A few months ago, or sometime around that time period, I fell into a depression that I classify as light and not too damaging to my over-all personality. With that depression, my closest friends were happy and trying to get me to be happy.

Now, with a new boyfriend, food in my stomach, and a sudden toleration for school hours....I have friends with problems and pulling away from me. Or at least that's how I feel. My cousin is undergoing some stress and depression, my friend is unsatisfied with relationships, my other friend is not doing so well with their outlook on life, my other friend is having boy troubles, my other friend doesn't know what girl he wants....yes, if you guys are reading this, you KNOW who you are, and what your problem is in the eyes of someone NOT you. I don't mean to sound rude, but it's a true fact. It brings your friends down when you feel horrible.

Sometimes there's nothing you can do about how you feel, and I get that, but you're only choice is to stay close to your friends and let them be sad with you. I HATE being happy with sad friends surrounding me. I'd rather us all be happy, but if I can't have that, I'll be sad too.

Also, people in our gym class should learn to play volleyball better. Just saying.

Meet Me

You should Know...

I have a lot of inspirations and motivations, and I've listed them before. The problem is that they change a lot. One minute I want to be a doctor, the other I want to skip school entirely and travel the world. I'm unpredictable, I'm restless, I'm a Sagittarius. What can you do?

There's no way around the excruciating pain of living an ordinary life. Most days I just breathe and do what I am expected to do. There&...

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.- Oscar Wilde

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We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.-Anais Nin

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"If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all."- Oscar Wilde

"He who stands for nothing will fall for anything."- Alexander Hamilton

"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."- Jack Handey