The Widow’s Might

“You really should change the name of this place,” I told the young care provider when she entered the exam room. “To me, ‘Department of Digestive Diseases’ sounds like death.”

The pretty young woman laughed, then explained the name was changed since so many people couldn’t figure out what “gastroenterology” was.

She turned to my husband to take a brief medical history.

“Any cancer in your family?”

Here we go, I thought, as my pulse quickened. More than a decade ago, his father had passed with stomach cancer. Six years back, his oldest sister lost her valiant fight with pancreatic cancer.

And now his liver enzyme numbers were way high—10 times the normal number.

Granted, they’d always been super elevated. In fact, two physician friends insisted they weren’t worried. Still, when our family physician referred him to a specialist, my mind strayed to a bad place.

What might widowhood look like?

How would I survive without my husband? I still don’t know how to change a flat tire. I never asked him for his computer passwords. If something happened to him, could I run the family business?

Life felt suddenly uncertain.

Since I was unsure about the future, I determined to explore what I was sure of.

My God. I was sure of my God. I wasn’t a lifetime believer like some of my friends, but in 15 years, I’d experienced so much of His love and power.

I know the triune God of the universe loves me. I am absolutely certain of it. He calls me “beloved,” and “the apple of his eye.” And he doesn’t just like me a whole lot, he loves me enough that he died for me.

There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ~John 15:13

Not only that, good medical outcome or bad, I wouldn’t have to go through the experience alone. God made a promise in both the Old Testament and the New Testament: that He would never leave me alone.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. ~Deuteronomy 31:6

…And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. ~Matthew 28:20b

But what if the worst happens? What if I lose my forever-honey?

If that ever comes to pass, I know it won’t be the end of me. For whatever happens in my life, God will be with me and He will work things out for my benefit. The book of Romans tells me so.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God… ~Romans 8:28a

This morning my husband called. The young woman from the Digestive Diseases clinic phoned him with his test results. Everything is fine. There’s no need to worry.

To that I say:

The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. ~Psalm 126:3

Grace & Such strives to advance Christian growth among women. While we believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God, we also recognize human interpretations are imperfect. Grace & Such encourages our readers to open their Bibles, pray for wisdom and study for themselves what the Word says. For more about who we are, please visit the About Us page.

Besides being a daughter of the King and a dearly loved wife, Diane is mother to three children, two kitties, and a bunny rabbit. She loves words: writing them, reading them, and speaking them out loud. Good coffee, creating (and enjoying) great food, and the color aqua are very important to her, as is establishing West Virginia as the Best Virginia. She shares her hard-earned wisdom at dianetarantini.com.

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13 Comments

Oh Diane, What a blessed reminder of the truths of God’s steadfast love in what looks like hardship to us. I wanted to cheer when I read your husband is fine but you clearly reminded me that regardless of the results, God will work it out for our good and His Glory.

I read this as almost an echo of what I wrote this month….So very glad your hubby is also doing well!
These times are true markers of our faith. I don’t wish them on anyone, but they are a place of intense relationship with God. You leave this time with scars that remind us of how God has shown us his grace. Thanks, Diane.

Grateful that all is well, and that regardless, it is well with your soul. I have a friend who is 5+ years out from widowhood, and remarried. She has never waivered in holding onto God’s promises, and now she leads widow thrive groups in the Seattle area. She gets misty when she thinks of all she lost with her husband’s death, but in the same moment gets misty at all she is now that never would have come to pass if life had gone on the way she had imagined it would.

Wow, Gretchen–your comment triggered a memory in me. One of the things that fanned my faith flame was watching a friend of mine walk through the journey of losing her husband. Her faith was so strong. And beautiful.

Then 10 years later, she experienced it again! She could definitely lead one of those Widow Thrive groups. I’ve never heard of that organization but it sounds wonderful!!

Thanks, Diane, for sharing this. As wives and women of God, this is a thought process that we all will take (or have taken), even when the outcome is good (praise to God!). But your attitude – the God perspective – is spot on – otherwise, what is there if God isn’t good, if God doesn’t have our back, if God won’t work ALL out for our good? So thankful that you shared this journey with all of us readers!! Well worth the read.

WELCOME TO GRACE & SUCH

As our tagline says, we’re a bunch of women writing about grace. And such. We are a diverse group with the common goal to encourage others by sharing what God has done for us and what he’s shown us through his Word.

Our diversity means we don’t always agree, but that’s okay. Because we’re all covered by God’s grace, so doesn’t it stand to reason we should pass it on?