So much violence in here, so many lost souls, I can only thank God for watching over me and protecting me, for I know without a doubt I too would be lost. Nothing has happened to me; I just noticed so much drama going on around me in the very small amount of time that I’m out of my cell. I can only continue praying for a speedy transfer away from this prison, to a lower security level prison with fewer worries and more opportunities for growth.

I’m so grateful that my biological father is in another prison, corrupting someone else’s mind. Sometimes I just need to sit back and remind myself that even in a horrible prison, I have so many things to be so grateful for, my family will always rank number one on my gratitude list.

I saw on the news that there was a big fire in Gatlinburg Tennessee that burned down a bunch of cabins on a hilltop. My parents own a beautiful cabin in that area. I certainly hope it wasn’t part of the fire, and if it was, they probably don’t even know about it because I think they’re still on vacation in Colorado. I’m fairly confident their cabin isn’t involved in the fire. But, there always seems to be that constant worry, or something tragic happening to someone I’m close to well-being locked up in prison. It’s an indescribable feeling of helpless helplessness. That’s a great bit harder to deal with when all one can do is sit back, watch the news, unable to simply pick up the phone, and check in with the family.

Lately I’ve been running into more and more people I know from the County jail. Whether it’s in the hallways or the chalice they normally holler my name or grabbed my attention some other way. The most popular of comments from them is how much weight they can see I’ve lost; man does that make me feel great! It’s harder for me to see how much I’m losing because I look at my body every day during my workout sessions. But what I have noticed is that I’m getting stronger, my workouts get easier and my extra-large large boxer shorts seem to be getting looser around my waist. The only time I get an opportunity to see how much I weigh is every 90 days. When I see the Dr. for a checkup, which would be very soon, I can’t wait to see how much my hard work is paying off in pounds.

I saw some of the UD campus riot on the news last night. Looked like one heck of a St. Patrick’s Day party. The students called it a 44 everyone gathered in the streets at 4 AM a 40 ounce of beer. Many of the students were throwing bottles at police cars, breaking windshields, and bottles on the streets. The news cameras panned across the street, covered in glass. One of the news reporters was dry humped by a drunken student during the live broadcasting. Even though I found it comical it was wrong and very disrespectful to the reporter. He seemed very nervous, fumbling with his chords and eyes jarring back-and-forth, scanning for other random acts of misconduct around him. I sympathized for the poor guy.

Yesterday I think I may have sprained my foot well jogging. I decided to jog again today and power through pain. I can’t stand the thought of slacking off. But, my foot hurts so bad I could barely make it through my full hour. I wish I knew more about whether it’s good or bad to run on a hurt foot. I just can’t stand the thought of not working out every day. I know how easy it is to stop working hard, and how difficult it is to get back into a regular routine.

Every three months, a locally owned cookie company donates cookies to the prison. Each inmate gets one bag of about a dozen cookies. I tried one and quickly gave the rest of mind to my cellmate. I’m not sure if it’s this healthy lifestyle choice, or the flavor of the cookies, probably a combination of both has left me steering clear of the guilty food. If I eat too much of something, or it’s just bad for me, I feel as if my workout for the day is focused specifically on expelling the bad substances that I’ve consumed for that day, rather than toning my body into shape. So now I just stay away from bad food and I just feel better all around.

I have completely cut noodles out of my diet. Along with many other high sodium, high calorie, and sugary foods, I’ve made a lot of drastic changes to accommodate my new and improved choices to live a healthier way of life all across the board.

I’m so hooked on working out every day, I continue to do it every chance I get, he gets easier and easier to do every day, enabling me to increase my activities regularly. Even with my cellmate at work, giving me more time, I’m still left wishing I had more time each day. Improving my health has continued to improve the rest of my life in so many ways.

I can’t believe that they’re calling off the air show this year for lack of funding. You would think that they would make enough of a profit from selling tickets and through concession stands. My family usually attends the airshow every year, they will be very disappointed, especially my grandfather, who loves planes and flew for the Air Force.

The prison is in the process of updating the new MP3 players, so that they’re equipped to receive messages and pictures from family and friends through the J pay accounts over the Internet. I only hope that my current MP3 player will be capable of these updates. I would hate to have to go through the timely and financially strenuous process of purchasing a new one.

Well, another day has passed and I’m a little bothered that I allowed a bunch of bugs to ruin my whole day yesterday. My entire day was consumed with frustration. It wasn’t just the cockroaches it was more or less what the cockroaches represent, they represent the felt that I’m forced to live in every day, due to the poor decisions I’ve made as a drug addict. I guess that chasing those cockroaches around yesterday was just a slap in the face.

The more that I think about it, the more I realize I might be on edge, thinking about my family enjoying a wonderful ski vacation in Colorado. It bothers me because I know that I should be there, on the mountain, skiing with the rest of them but, instead, my drug addiction caused me to make a number of decisions to break the law, which led me to this five-year term. I refuse to wallow in this pity pot. I’ve come too far and worked too hard on my life to get down on myself like this. Just writing this stuff down, makes me feel better already.

I’m so frustrated by the infestation of cockroaches right now that I can hardly even think about anything else today. Everything seems to be bothering me right now. This morning I started to organize some of my folders with paperwork in my locker box. From underneath of everything I started moving around, I unearthed a whole nest of these disgusting bugs. Literally hundreds of them scattered, all I could do was stomp on as many as I could before they found yet another dark place to hide. Each time I tapped my folders against the floor, more would fall and I just stomped on them. By the time I killed all the cockroaches I could find, my floor was covered in dead bugs. I was left with no choice but to throw a lot of my mail and paperwork in the trash. Some of my paperwork looked like they were using it for a toilet. I’m so upset at the disgusting conditions I have to live in. This old, nasty, prison should have been shut down and demolished a long time ago. All I can think about is where else these things are living, or making a new home. I’m so frustrated! There’s nothing I can do about it that makes it that much harder to deal with. It’s a hopeless feeling inside. I’ve been to a number of drug houses with fewer cockroaches than this.

Fitness is become so important in my day-to-day life. I feel healthier every day, I crave a healthy life. Now more than I ever have. I spent so many years on the opposite side of the spectrum, destroying my body through drug use, junk food, and pure laziness from a constant marijuana induced stupor. I had no idea that I could feel so good without all of that crap. Now that I’ve come out of the darkness and into the light, I know without a doubt that I will never return to that miserable existence, only look back to remind myself where I came from and how far I’ve gotten life. Every day, I push myself to do more, working harder and harder, never slacking off, and every night I go to sleep with a common peace in knowing that I’ve made a difference in changing my future and the future of my children.

Starting yesterday, the heat has once again become unbearable. Even when sitting completely still, with nothing on but a pair of boxer shorts, perspiration was still unbearable. Even with the heating vent, which I might add is still on completely clogged with toilet paper; the walls radiate so much heat that multiplies the 50° temperatures outside tenfold. I just don’t understand why the prison won’t shut off the heaters on days like this. The open windows just never seem to help because the circulation is horrible. This is a reminder to me that physical fitness and staying in shape is going to be a great deal more difficult in the summer. Nevertheless, I refuse to submit to the harsh summer temperatures by taking a single step back in life, when every one of my goals consist of taking steps forward.