Boon’s Most Colourful Escapades

A FIERY BEGINNING

Life was once so simple for Boon. Dangerous, but simple. He was a firefighter, which meant regular hours, regular pay packets, and regular brushes with death. But all of that changed when, in a moment to make all of us salute in admiration, he damaged his lungs while rescuing a child from a burning building. After that, Boon went freelance as an all-round hero-for-hire, but he hadn't hung up his helmet quite yet. After all, his very first client was a music video producer who wanted Boon to dress up in a fireman's uniform for his latest production. Yes, life was about to get very, very peculiar for Ken Boon. And that was just the start...

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GETTING CATTY

You'd think that tracking down a missing cat would be a nice, quiet sort of assignment for Boon, right? Except that this particularly mog happened to be a lion. Literally. A circus lion, and the star of Elena and Arturo Sandini's lion-taming extravaganza. The gigantic kitty had been nabbed by animal-rights campaigners angered by the show, and Elena and Arturo (real names Helen and Arthur) were very keen to get him back. But would Boon's allegiance be turned by the righteous kidnappers? After all, Boon has always been a bit of a soft touch under that burly façade.

BARGING ABOUT

Now this sounded like a dream assignment: being hired to sail a barge from Hemel Hempstead over to Birmingham. Frankly, it was like being paid to go on a weekend break, and Boon - being the hopeless romantic he is - asked lady-friend Doreen to accompany him for what should have been an idyllic odyssey through England's waterways. But things got thoroughly un-idyllic when it turned out the barge contained some surprise cargo, in the form of an escaped convict. Boon's real assignment, which he didn't know he'd signed up for, was to transport the convict rather than just the barge itself, and it was going to be far from plain sailing...

Michael Elphick as Boon.

THE NEW BILLY THE KID

It's fair to say Boon likes his Westerns. He might not admit it, but he secretly dreams of being a gunslinger himself, complete with clanking spurs and a very big hat. And wouldn't you know it, he even got to meet a real-life Billy the Kid. That's footballer Billy "the Kid" Buchan, who was being lined up to be the coach of a Middle Eastern team. The mega-rich owners of the team were visiting England, and it was Boon's job to be Billy's minder and stop him from getting horribly drunk in public - a crucial thing, given how the team's owners were from Saudi Arabia and religiously opposed to booze. An easy enough job? Yes, for the few seconds before Billy managed to ingest an entire bottle of vodka...

A WHEELY WEIRD ADVENTURE

Just when it seemed Boon had left behind the world of firefighting for good, he got entangled in a very bizarre case involving a new firetruck. And not any kind of new firetruck, but a shiny futuristic science-fiction bells-and-whistles firetruck. Boon was on courier duty and tasked with taking the secret plans to the truck company's boss when he was knocked off his bike by thieves after the plans. What followed was a juicy tale of corporate shenanigans, bent politicians and a platinum-blonde glamour model in a Union Jack outfit. Perhaps that's where the Spice Girls got their inspiration?

THE SAUCY SET-UP

You wouldn't think being a courier could get one man into so much hot water. But it really can, especially when it involves deliveries to a house being used as the shambolic set for blue movies. Things got personal when Boon's friend's sister got pulled into the porn director's murky plans, and our hero jumped into action, tracking her to a flat above a sex shop. But things then went slightly awry when Boon himself was nicked by the Vice Squad, who mistook him for one of the porn director's minions. And as if all that wasn't strange enough, Boon took a shine to the policewoman who'd arrested him, and asked her out. Well, it's one way of meeting girls...

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