Setting Up a Calm Down Corner for Kids: A Time-Out Alternative

This article has been updated since it was originally published in July, 2014. This post contains affiliate links, for purchases made within it, this blog receives a small commission.

I have a spirited kid. From the moment he was small, I scoured the internet to find some of the best resources for gently parenting him, while making sure that I was doing the best I could as a mom. As he got older, I quickly realized that some of the more ‘traditional’ parenting methods just weren’t for us. When I learned about and implemented a ‘calm down corner’ in our home, it was quickly one of the best parenting choices I had made, and really made a big impact on our family. Check out how we did it below.

Do I Need a Calm Down Corner?

I have always followed most attachment parenting techniques in my five short years of motherhood. I co-sleep with my babies (my 5 year old still ends up in bed with us most nights), and respond to every cry for much longer than most probably think I should.

I breastfeed after a year and I baby-wear until they no longer fit in the back carry of my Tula. I know attachment parenting goes beyond that, but just so you can understand a bit of my ‘crunchy mama’ style, there you go. I’ve learned to let go of what others think and to do what I think is best for my little family; trust me, the freedom that will give you is exhilarating.

Why You Should Be Setting Up a Calm Down Corner in Your Home

My son and I have a great understanding of each other and have learned how to navigate one another’s personalities and compromise on just about everything. My husband and I endearingly refer to him as the ‘Priceline negotiater‘. We have managed to avoid any real tantrums or meltdowns, but he has a hard time not getting frustrated and losing his temper, which usually results in a lot of yelling and angry faces and a tired momma who runs out of patience. I don’t find that time-outs are effective when he loses control; rather he needs a good hug and a good cry.

I’m ok with this, in fact I enjoy the cuddles. However, my goal is for him to learn some coping skills and give him some tools to help him calm down, all the while teaching him that it’s ok to experience emotions such as frustration, anger and sadness.

Our Calm Down Corner

This calm down corner is a safe place for us to talk about how he is feeling, help him calm down and learn some skills to be able to do this when I’m not there. We created it together and he is excited about it, which I love. There is a bean bag chair, a pillow to scream in or even hit, some sensory items, music, and things that he can blow on to help with deep breathing. Here are a few of the things in our basket and links to the instructions for making them.

UPDATE: We have been using this for over a year now and it is hands down my favorite ‘discipline’ strategy for him 🙂

What’s in the corner:

1. Discovery Bottles

I love these bottles for sensory play and they also function as great calming jars as well. (My 11 month old loves to shake and look at them as well, they are an excellent mess-free experience for babies!)

These function similarly to stress balls that adults use. They feel great to squeeze and are perfect for angry little hands. I drew sad and angry faces on ours so that M could choose one that he could relate to, helping him express how he is feeling.

In the basket:

This area is in the living room so that even if he is upset, he is not isolated from the family. I can sit with him while he calms down and we can discuss what the issue is and how we can fix it. There are times where things just can’t be fixed, and for those times we can just sit a little longer, and have a few extra snuggles. I know this method may not work for everyone. Some might call it spoiling or letting the child take advantage. But I know my son has a voice and he has feelings. I don’t want to make him suppress that or have to deal with them on his own. I want to guide him and help him.

Comments

Katie, I love this post so much. Caleb is only in timeout for a minute right now, but 30 seconds in he starts to weep and say “I’m sorry mommy!” and I comfort him. I, too, love the cuddles and my heart melts at the “I’m sorry”s but I really want him to be able to find his own peace. I know he’s young and I hope that doesn’t sound harsh, but I feel like this is perfect. I am making a discovery bottle today and then I’m going to work my way up to the whole basket. Can’t wait to tell you how it goes. Thank you!

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