Lindsay’s Gone Puffer Fish-Chic!

See that picture? You know who that is? Well, yeah, I know – the headline kind of ruined things, but it’s Lindsay Lohan. Yup. She was photographed earlier this week in New York City, getting ready to film her big SNL appearance that’s to air – as it stands – this weekend. And doesn’t she just look great? The face, those hands … girl’s got the whole package on lockdown and I’m always, always impressed.

And you know, the funny thing is, when I wrote the above headline, I mistyped and it said ‘Liondsay’ for whatever reason, and I actually had to take a minute to laugh out loud before I corrected it. I mean, come on. Liondsay? It might be a stretch for some of you guys to see, but with that wild mane of “blonde” hair and that puffy face and caricature lips, she looks like she could be a stand-in for the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz. I know I see things a little bit differently than others do – Ke$ha v. January Jones, anyone? – but this? It’s glaringly obvious, and the fact that it all stemmed from an extra ‘o’, well … I don’t quite think it’s coincidence.

Another thing that’s not coincidence is that Lindsay’s peers are starting to speak out about her now that she’s all “sober” and stuff. Anne Hathaway even went as far as to compare herself to Lindsay, saying that they two are really not all that different:

“Lindsay Lohan and I have more in common than people think. We’ve all done things we shouldn’t. It is just that I did stuff at college when nobody knew about it, so I’m not a saint. I wasted time doing self-destructive things. … I found you can only dance on so many table tops. I got all that out of my system and I am healthy and grounded thanks to my mother.”

Oh. -blinks- OK then. I guess we’ve all got a little bit of Lindsay in us, then. I thought that was just some kind of weird post-partum itch that I had, but this explains it all. Thanks for saving me a follow-up visit to the doc, girl!

Even Lindsay’s ex-girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, has broken her silence and talked about the dark(er) period of her life, though she was naturally vague about it:

“Maybe they’d be right [guessing that songs I wrote were about Lindsay]. Maybe they’d be wrong. I wrote that song when I was with the person that it’s about. They knew what it was about when I wrote it. Yeah, it’s a little tough on that one. It’s funny because you think it’s tough because it’s figuratively brutal. Imagine if that song was actually literal. … Most people would assume that it’s figurative, that it’s about emotions. But maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s actually literal. It was not a healthy relationship.”

Well duh, Sam. It took you this long to be able to speak about that in hindsight? Funny thing about hindsight is that even though it’s 20/20, it also suffers seizures, long periods of vertigo, and bouts of blistering and oozing herpes. And isn’t that just nice. See what dredging up the past brings down upon all of us?

She used to be a cute red head… Now she’s a cheap blond with fish lips and a double chin. She’s done so much to her face and hair that it’s becoming hard to recognise her. And she looks so old too… It’s such a shame. Come on girl, get your act together.

Why do I have a feeling that her stint on SNL might be a complete debacle. where she will find herself reeling from huimiliation. If nothing’s off limits, she might find her boundaries crashed real good. I smell a trap, with her name on it.