Opinion: Medical Marijuana Could Help Rahm Mellow Out

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We all know that our mayor is kind of…intense. He gets wound up easily. He says things he shouldn’t say. He swears at people. I just finished reading Salon.com editor Joan Walsh’s new book, What’s The Matter With White People?, which contains this Rahm Emanuel anecdote I hadn’t heard before, from the days of the Obamacare debate:

Battling over the health-care bill opened a rift between the administration and the left that never healed. When progressives told Emanuel they wanted to run ads in the districts of Blue Dog Democrats to urge them to back the administration’s bill, Emanuel famously exploded, calling the idea “f---ing retarded.”

First of all, that’s really politically incorrect. He should have left out people with cognitive disablities altogether.

The point is, our mayor is too uptight, too high strung. It’s hurting his job performance. Would we have had a teacher’s strike if he hadn’t told Chicago Teachers Union president Karen Lewis to f--- herself? Maybe not. That’s why I think the medical marijuana bill currently before the General Assembly could really help Rahm.

Marijuana is a proven cure for excessive drive and ambition. All Rahm has to do is walk into his doctor’s office and say, “I work 14 hours a day. I’m always raging at people. I think of nothing but money and power, and I never do anything that won’t help me obtain one or the other.”

A compassionate physician would write a prescription for marijuana, and prescribe the mayor smoke it before all high-level meetings and press conferences. Then the rest of us could be a little less on edge.