Living life one damn day at a time.

Attack Cat Menaces UK Postmen

Here in the clubby offices of The Curmudgeon, we are animal lovers. We have written on this subject before so it’s no secret. I can’t speak for the rest of the staff, but I, for one, am a dog lover, and as such am not particularly fond of cats. And yet I own one. He is, at times, not the nicest cat in the world, being a stray rescued from the “mean streets” and set in his wild and demanding ways. You’d think he’d be grateful, but nooOOOOoooo. In fact,My Evil Cat is Trying to Kill Me.

But even I am shocked at the recent goings on in the United Kingdom, not at the behavior of a certain cat, but rather the wussiness of the Royal Mail Service. According to the Weston Mercury, the mail delivery manager made a personal visit to notify the cat’s owner that unless their cat is restrained, they will cease to deliver mail to her address. She was shocked. “My cat wouldn’t hurt a fly,” she said. Okay, that’s clearly a lie, for what cat can resist chasing a fly and knocking over everything it it’s path to get it. But still, a fly is a far cry from a postman.

The cat, the delivery manager said, “as soon as it hears the letterbox, is straight out the cat-flap and attacks the post person. Animal attacks are a major cause of injury to Royal Mail staff. If any further incidents of this nature are allowed to take place, I shall have no alternative other than to consider suspending the delivery of mail to your home.” I can buy that most injuries to postmen are due to animal attacks, but cats? In short, the cat “goes postal” on them. Methinks I smell a rat.

So they performed an experiment. The postal rep pretended to post something, but the cat didn’t do anything. Just like a cat not to do it when it’s owners were around. Cats are well known for their sneakiness and subterfuge. But still, a cat?

I think the postal employees are a bunch of scaredy cats. I certainly wouldn’t go to my supervisor whining about a little pussy beating me up. And how many, exactly, postmen have reported this behavior? One? Two? It makes a difference. It could just be a bunch of Cat Hullabaloo.

2 Responses

Really? You’re sure? I thought it was real, derived through selective breeding until this thing…this monster…was created. Are you absolutely positive? It might be left on this planet by aliens, or maybe there’s a bunch of them living in a cave, multiplying until THE DAY when they take over and enslave us and force us to feed them fresh mice in gravy. Where’s your proof?