How should I date?

Whenever I hear my non-christian friends and family talk about dating or 'playing the field', and whenever I hear about dating in a movie or in a magazine, it always seems to include sleeping around. The theory seems to be, in order to find the right long-term partner, you should date as many people as possible, and 'try out' all the aspects of a long-term relationship.. ie. including sex.

This is the advice that our world is feeding us. This is the wisdom of our culture. The analogy that is usually thrown around in defense of this is: 'You wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive first would you?' or 'You wouldn't buy a house without shopping around first?'.

But these are hardly good analogies, and in fact they are an insult to the sacredness of sex. These analogies make sex out to be nothing more special than the act of making a purchase. This is a very low view of sex and an ignorant view of the special place sex has in human relationships.

When we think about how to date from a Christian perspective, it must mean something different, because the Christian is always looking towards marriage.

Here is where Christians have the advantage in dating:

Christians can date other Christians without having to be obsessed or worried about the physical side of the relationship. When you decide that sex is not part of dating, you focus more on getting to know the true character of the person you are dating.

Christians have the 'fear of the Lord' (Proverbs 1:7), and can trust that the one who established marriage in the beginning will be faithful in continuing to bless what he designed to be good for men and women. God loves a good marriage, and that's what Christian dating should be looking towards.

So Christians shouldn't see dating as a way of 'trying people out' sexually, or anything like that. They should date in a way that honours God's values and shows trust in his promises, ie. keep sexually pure, and display the character of Christ - humility, faithfulness, patience, justice, self control, love, etc...

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Comments (10)

Mesoma

Awesome…..it’s so weird when people talk about sex around me, especially my parents but I already knoow what God wants for me so I’m cool with the whole dating thing. I just don’t want to waste my time dating a lot of guys and then finding the right one. I want to just date a guy….the right guy….and then marry him.

Joseph

I have to be honest im afraid of dating

Rachelle

Is it because of your past experiences?

Joseph

Yeah, i have dated before and it wasnt a great experience

Joseph

I really like this Christian girl that goes to my church but i have been going through some things, and talking with a fervr guy about it.

Turibarungi

I feel encouraged when this information is passed on to me, I really believe that God will bless me with a beautiful woman

Ogunsanya

For nw am also not interested in dating.

Tobi

As for me, i am not interested in dating anyone for now because it will only distract me. check my opinion at http://lovebyt.es/date

Shannon

I need some advice. I’m not really interested in dating, and I have (very) conservative views on things like that. (That doesn’t mean I still don’t eye the cute boy everywhere! :) ) I don’t really want to date until after high school, maybe even later. The problem is my dad. He and I have a very inverse relationship compared to the average father-daughter. He wants me to date in high school, so I can “learn the skills while it’s still relatively safe.” Which I get, but I still don’t want to date. I feel like when you date, you can only date so many times before you run out. And my parents would really never let me do any sort of courting relationship, they’re Christian, but not at all conservative. I just need some advice. Help?

Fervr

Hi Shannon - I think you need to do what you think is right. You seem to be a wise girl, and you know in your heart whether you want to date or not. Don’t let pressure - from anyone! - change that. In the end, it’s your decision.