A secret tape Monica Lewinsky sent Bill Clinton has been leaked.

1. A secret Clinton and Lewinsky tape has allegedly been leaked to the press.

The key word here being allegedly.

US tabloid The National Enquirer (which also reports on aliens, so you know, grain of salt) have apparently got their hands on a secret sexy-times tape Monica Lewinsky sent Bill Clinton back in 1997.

All evidence of the affair was believed to have been destroyed, but allegedly a cleaner kept the tape and decided that today was the ultimate time to release it to the press.

The tape apparently lasts 3 minutes and 47 seconds. Allegedly, it’s basically just Lewinsky trying to convince Clinton to take some time out of leading the free world to come and see her. She even tries to rope his secretary Betty in on the plan.

The National Enquirer haven’t released the tape – they’ve only published a transcript. They use lots of words like HOT and STEAMY and SEX to make sure you believe they have it though. Here’s some of what Lewinsky allegedly said:

“Hi handsome. I couldn’t bear the idea of sitting down to write you another note. So I though I would tape it, hope that’s ok. Since I know you will be alone tomorrow evening, I have two proposals for you, neither of which is you not seeing me.

I could take my clothes off and start… well… I know you wouldn’t enjoy that?

Now the first thing that has to happen is that you need to preplan with Betty that you will leave the office at, I don’t know, at 7, 7:30, so that everyone else who hates me that causes me lots of trouble goes home.

Then you quickly sneak back and then in the meantime I quickly sneak over and then we can have a nice little visit for, you know, 15 minutes or half an hour. Whatever you want.

You can’t refuse me because I’m too cute and adorable and soon I won’t be here anymore to pop over.”

Overnight, Angelina Jolie and her 11-year-old son Pax have managed an incredibly inconspicuous trip to Australia. The pair snuck in on a commercial flight on Wednesday night, and then left by private jet this morning.

But here’s the crazy thing: they were only photographed leaving this morning. So, one of the world’s most famous women and her equally recognisable kid sat on a COMMERCIAL FLIGHT and then wandered around a city for a whole 24 hours before anyone thought to take a picture. They even went on a harbour cruise.

That sound you just heard? The collective thump of every entertainment reporter in the country kicking themselves.

Apparently the picture was taken at LA nightspot, Beacher’s Madhouse. To be honest, the back story is sort of irrelevant. Something to do with a French man in grotesque baby fancy-dress. All you really need to know though is that Miley Cyrus kissed an adult baby and you will be seeing that in your nightmares for the next week.

8. The identity of the new Doctor Who will be revealed any moment now and bookmakers are predicting it will be this World War Z actor…

9. “Is she a legitimate journalist?” Ouch. We never expected Jennifer Aniston to talk about a respected woman in the media like this.

Jennifer Aniston surprised many during her appearance on Chelsea Handler last night when she got a tad bitchy about repected US journalist, Katie Couric.

Handler was telling Aniston – who she’s known for years – that she often finds it difficult being friends with someone so high profile because journalists often ask her questions she doesn’t know how to answer.

Handler said “Katie Couric was asking me on her show about your wedding and I had to act like I didn’t even know you were engaged because I didn’t know that was out.”

Then Aniston got a little exasperated.

“What’s Katie Couric?” she asked. “Is she a legitimate journalist? Is she getting tabloid-y? Is she on the ‘Today’ show?”

“She was on the ‘Today’ show,” Handler answered. “She got a demotion to her own show.”