#65: Now THIS Is More Like It!

May28

Date: December 12, 578 S.A. My Mood Is: delighted

Now this is more like it!

After my dismal experience trying to ingratiate myself to the Elves of Eriador, especially the loathsome Galadriel and the hapless Gil-Galad, I decided to try my luck to the East. If you head that way, as the vampire flies, from Lindon, you cross the Ered Luin, the Hithaeglir, Cheerywood the Great, and Rhovanion. There you will find the distant land of Rhûn, with it’s inland sea that was hewn violently from the earth so long ago where Melkor gallantly defeated the cowardly Tulkas. This is the home of the Arhûnedain, that the unlettered simpletons of Eriador refer to as “Easterlings.”

Those who dwell in the North-east on the steppes are horse-riders, who worshipped Manwë in the form of the sun. I put a stop to that right quick; after I performed a few simple magic tricks and desalinized their water supply, they declared me King of the Gods. I should turn their worship to Melkor — I’ll get to that at some point.

To their South live their close cousins and mortal enemies, tribes who dwell in crude city-states. These Men I prefer out of any I have met, because they did the coolest thing. After I wowed them by making the Moon swallow the Sun and vomit it out again (Arien and Tilion pulling one of their pointless “eclipses,” but I took credit), they built me a pyramid! Sure, it’s nothing but a bunch of big rocks piled on top of each other, but still. I was so touched I almost shed a tear. This is exactly the kind of sycophantic, worshipful behavior I was hoping for when I devised this whole “Annatar” scheme.

I’ve been living here in the East for a while as a god-king, albeit maintaining my friendly, elf-like visage. Soon I will move on the the South, see what I can do to sway the Men down there.

But my mind always returns to the Elves of the West. Remember, Manwë and his traitors blasted a whole continent into the sea in a Pyrrhic attempt to “help” those people. If they, the Elves I mean, go complaining to the Valar about good ol’ Annatar, who knows what moronic stunt Manwë will pull? I have to get the Elves on my side, even Galadriel and her slower brother.

I need a plan. A base of operations. Maybe an army.

But what plan? How do you get a bunch of stubborn Elves to do what you command? Even when it’s for their own good?

To destroy them is only just, Lord. Yet, to use their own weakness to bring about their humiliation and downfall seems fitting under the circumstances. Never has Middle Earth has a people who worked less yet expected reverence more than the Elves. Jeesh, I heard that they used to spell it “elfs” until their heads got too big for their hats. Given the Elve’s propensity to think only of themselves (a historical fact), genocide from within should not be too difficult for the great Lord of the World.