When people are freaking out about Trump, the question always is is this a new awful thing he’s doing, or is this an old awful thing that people used to ignore but are now making a fuss because it’s Trump who is doing it?

I’d rather keep Trump than go back to an Obama and ignore these things again.

We never have political arguments at Thanksgiving. Everyone just listens and nods as I explain politics to them.

Trump makes it harder to pretend our government isn’t stupid.

Why are all the people with all the correct political views they need to impart on to others such horrible, angry people? Seems better to have bad political views and be nice and happy.

I never realized how useful the dog was in cleaning up under the table where the kids sit.

I’ve yet to watch one of these Disney live-action remakes. There’s something so craven about them.

“Here’s my new invention. I call it the solar cell. It can convert light to electricity.”
“Wow! This is revolutionary! There must be countless applications for this!”
“I’m thinking mainly cheap calculators.”
“There must be more things than that.”
“Nah. Not really.”

When they gave out the Nobel Prize in physics for the theory of relativity, how did they not make that not sound sarcastic?
“Good going, Einstein!”

I don’t trust your outrage.

The male/female distinction was invented by religious extremists in the 1950s.

I talked to the 300 scientists who wrote that climate change report, and they’re all idiots. Every single one. One even said that The Last Jedi was his favorite Star Wars movie.

I had to stop going to hipster coffee shops because I got sick and tired of hearing people talk about how great President Trump is. I really don’t care for him.

I’m not worried about climate change because if it really is a problem we’ll come up with some new technology like giant robots that fight each other. I mean, that won’t solve climate change but it will give us something else to worry about.

I got a sound sensor to wire up to an Arduio. I’m going to build a device to warn my 5yo son when he’s being too loud.

Twitter would never ban me because denying people my awesome tweets would be cruel and unusual punishment under the Geneva Convention.

Got a USPS package update yesterday of “Carrier is unable to gain access to front door to deliver the package.” Is that just code for them deciding to not even bother driving to my house?

If you keep encouraging Disney, next they’ll do cartoon versions of the live action versions of their cartoons.

When the ruling class gets insecure in their beliefs, they try to silence dissent hoping to be confronted less with that insecurity.

I don’t like this Beto stuff. Maybe the left have trained me too well, but I find people getting overly excited about a bland, privileged white guy really creepy.

Judge people’s character not by their high ideals of how to treat humanity in general but by how they treat actual, specific people.

Walmart does more in a week to improve the lives of poor people than Bernie Sanders has his entire life.

One day there will be poor people complaining about having to live on a billion a year on their private islands while there are quadrillionaire rich people who own entire planets.

It’s possible the president doesn’t do careful research before saying things.

“I’m going to need some ID for that, sir… Yeah, I knew it — you’re a rabbit. Sorry, but Trix are for kids.”

If we want to get rid of all guns, a great way to start would be to disarm the government. That would completely nullify all the “I need guns to protect me from a tyrannical government” arguments.

Why did Russia want Democrats to retake the House?

Undermine faith in democracy? Why would you have faith in a system that gave us a choice between Hillary and Trump for leader of the free world?

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is starting to remind me of Trump in that there’s so much to legitimately criticize her on and yet people seem to gravitate to the really dumb things.

If you haven’t read the novel The Princess Bride, I highly recommend it. It usually now includes the first chapter of the sequel, which has one of the most memorable endings I’ve ever read. #WilliamGoldman

I have no idea what nationalism is or what everyone thinks it is.

I’m starting to wonder if it’s not the AR-15 we have to worry about but instead the people with an irrational fear of them.

A surprisingly large number of people are learning for the first time that victims of a crime can be cross-examined.

I’m not sure there’s a worse pro-gun control argument than “If the government decides to murder you, there’s absolutely nothing you can do, so you might as well give up your guns.”

Feels like this country should have a discussion on a healthy fear of guns versus a stupid fear of guns. For instance, a healthy fear of cars means you don’t run out on a busy road while a stupid fear means you freak out every time you hear an engine rev.
I live in a neighborhood in Texas. How many guns do you think must be around me? How many AR-15s? I don’t a spend a second worrying about that. I do worry about the kids running out in the road, though.

I don’t get Fortnite. All I understand about its appeal is that it’s free.

What would happen if you put a top crust on pumpkin pie? Have scientists ever tried it?

I’ve heard a lot of left-wingers complain about the NPC meme, though the statements start repeating every fifth one I talk to.

You know, there are lots of really dumb Representatives in safe seats. Usually we make fun of their dumbest statements about twice a year and mainly just ignore them.

Politics is all about arguing who is the better person to give the One Ring to when the correct thing to do is chuck it in Mount Doom.

You don’t have to worry about deadly bacteria if you deep fry everything.

If I died eating salad, I would so throw that in my wife’s face.

The only thing I like about taking out the trash is getting to growl, “Time to take out the trash!”

Are raisins a hundred times cheaper than chocolate chips? Because that’s the only reason I can imagine for putting them in cookies.

What I’m most baffled there hasn’t been a reboot of is Gremlins. So merchandisable.

According to exit polls, Texans whose position on whether one should mess with Texas was “Don’t” broke heavily for Ted Cruz.

Wait; Republicans got 42% of the Senate popular vote but only won about a third of the Senate election this years? That sounds like gerrymandering. #Illegitimate

Kinda funny the Democrats putting all their hope behind Beto, a white male, when they’ve successfully chased about all of them out of the party.

My advice for the left in trying to beat white nationalists and nazis: Try to be less hateful than them. Less.

No race is bad. No gender is bad. And neither is any combination of those two.

It is looking like the left exposing the absolute worst of their humanity during the Kavanaugh hearings may have been a political miscalculation.

Haven’t the left by now figured out that the only way to defeat Trump is to trick him into saying his name backwards?

Blue wave? More like a “Boo Wave” because I didn’t care for it.
#PoliticalHumor

I don’t think Jim Acosta should have punched that woman, but I’ll listen to both sides.

I don’t understand how anyone can take Jim Acosta seriously. Of course, can say the same about Trump. Politics is now like Who Framed Roger Rabbit where real life is full of cartoon characters.

Undertale won me over right at the beginning with “Press A to read signs.” That’s some grade A meta humor.

“Why do these people keep voting for Republicans instead of supporting left-wingers who are very open about how much they hate them and want to do them harm?”

A lot of the nosiest people on the left use the “I’m fighting for disenfranchised minorities!” to try and cover up the fact that they’re complete and utter sociopaths.
And people fall for it.

Someone’s politics has very little to do with their morality. You can teach a parrot to espouse any political view you want based on how you give it crackers.

Sent out the Superego sequel to beta readers and just started writing the next sequel this morning. Not going to wait years this time.

I should write a book to help antifa called “Punch Your Inner Nazi.”

A lot of these election problems will be solved when one day we figure out how to train computers to count.

If they nominate Beto for president in 2020, what are his qualifications? The only thing I know about him other than he ran for Senate is that he fled the scene of a drunken crash.

I wonder what it would be like to have real problems where we couldn’t spend days analyzing video of a reporter making contact with an intern? Presumably it would be worse.

Maybe the Republicans should just stop whining and get better at finding boxes of ballots.

I’m watching the kids by myself this weekend, and I realized I have no idea what kids eat. Just give them anything but give them ketchup with it?
And what do they drink? You’re not supposed to give kids wine, right? Or is there a “kids wine” you can buy? Maybe has ketchup in it?
And what do kids have in their coffee? More ketchup again?

Oh no. I’m out of ketchup.

I was in college in 2000 and taking a statistics course. I remember the statistics professor explaining why the 500 vote margin was unlikely to be overturned in a recount.
I do have more memories of 2000 than any other election. I was at some Rick Santorum victory party (or whatever you call it since you don’t know if it’s going to be a victory party yet) to watch the results came in, and then Florida got called for Gore.
People kept going “Well, if Bush still wins this state and that state” but you knew it was pretty much over. But then someone got some phone call from someone in Florida that they were un-calling Florida and things got crazy!
I forget what happened in the end. The important thing was everyone had fun.

Before we pile on someone for being awful, it’s good to remember we’re all awful and still deserving of love.

Frankly, when the vote is really close, you’re never going to have an accurate truly count and the winner will be kind of arbitrary. Might as well give it to whoever can steal the election better.

If you think guns make us less safe, campaign to disarm the government. I’m not necessarily for that, but I’ll listen to your argument.

Imagine a world without guns.
Oh wait. You don’t have to. It’s in the history books.

I told my 3yo to keep her hands off something, and she started saying “No touching! No touching!” and laughing.
When did… when did she see Arrested Development?

Reagan won 49 states in his re-election in 1984. It’s hard to imagine any person being able to do that again… well, maybe Trump if Hillary runs again.

“‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
People get it in their heads that there is some sort of virtue in making “bad people” miserable, but all that does is drag you down.

These days, the easiest way to get people to engage in Nazi-like behavior — and pat themselves on the back for doing it — is to convince them who they’re doing it against are Nazis.

As a part time writer, George R.R. Martin is just hard to fathom. What is he doing all day? If writing novels were my full time job, I’d put out an entire book series a year.
When I started writing the sequel to Superego a year ago (a couple years after Superego was released), I joked about my goal was to get it out before Winds of Winter. Well, it’s to beta readers now. I think I’ll hit that easy.
And that’s with just what little time I can eke out in the morning — divided with other writing projects that pop up. How can you be a full time writer and take like a decade with a novel? I don’t get it.
Eh. Maybe he just doesn’t like writing and kind of fell into it. That happens.

One thing I very much admire about the Good Place’s second and third season is they don’t set up a premise to sustain them for the season but are constantly blowing up what the show is about.

The best way to avoid a perjury trap is to talk backwards. The FBI can only prosecute you for lies said forwards.

In the 5th season now, and I’m really admiring Justified. Not only is the writing sharp, but they pack the 13 episodes seasons full of plot. Nothing feels like filler episodes.

The NRA aren’t blocking any laws that will stop shootings but they’re fun to yell at.

Know what would be neat? Some big company like Amazon instead of building new headquarters hired engineers to work remotely—use that whole internet thing to have people work anywhere in the country.
Shouldn’t that also appeal to people who pretend to care about the environment—getting rid of all those commutes?

I saw from a doctor on Twitter that bullets can kill people—especially if fired from a gun. Did anyone know this?!

“Let’s have a competition to host Amazon’s second headquarters to solve the main problem facing our company: Not enough people hate us.”

I always considered these tech jobs in high-cost of living areas a single man’s game; when you have a family you want some space while also having some money left over.

Whoever writes the jokes for Laffy Taffy should be fired. They’re TERRIBLE!

Corporate cronyism is something both the left and right are against, yet no one can ever make any real headway on it.

Young people are dumb. But they’re also lazy so they tend not to vote.

I think a good campaign strategy for a candidate would be to find houses with his sign out front and give them full-sized candy bars to hand out on Halloween

My kids are excited to see the rankings when they’re published on Sunday. They always want to know which one of them made number one.

On Election Day, will someone give me a “I’m Not Voting” sticker? I pay taxes.

The goal should be to make elections as inconsequential as possible.

I tried to vote and not only would they not accept my photo ID but they told me it was Chuck E. Cheese and they wouldn’t let me in if I wasn’t accompanied by a kid.

It’s funny; my daughter figured out the Tooth Fairy isn’t real but she still thinks Santa Claus is real because she can’t imagine such a vast conspiracy with every person and all the media perpetuating the same lie.

me trying to be a pundit on TV
“It all comes down to turn in.”the other pundits point and laugh at me and I run away crying

Of all the ways you can help the country and your fellow man, voting doesn’t even make the top one thousand.

People expect some sort of rebuke to one party or the other, but the problem is the only way to do that in an election is to give support to the other party—a horrible thing to contemplate.

My mom has voted Republican her entire life, but this year she is continuing that.

Obamacare was the one bill that felt like politicians were personally taking a dump on me. That they’re still complete sociopaths about it—denying they lied and ignoring the damage they did—is why I’m not looking forward to the Democrats holding power again.

Libertarianism is the only intellectually coherent political positions and it’s held primarily by crazy people.

Just a reminder for Christians not to put too much faith in politics. If you take what you hold holy and wrap it up in that muck, it will not fare too well.
It’s hard to imagine Jesus would even vote. I’m sure the Roman government committed a lot of injustice, but it wasn’t His main concern. His concern was what each of us could do ourselves, not what we could make others do.

Before you like a tweet, make sure you can defend it at a future confirmation hearing.

I still chuckle when I think of Election Day 2016. That was wacky. Didn’t expect that to happen.

I don’t think people are ready for the crisis that will follow if Democrats win the House popular vote but not the majority and don’t at least get a little printed out certificate saying “Winner of House Popular Vote.”

I’m not voting as I treasure my neutrality as some guy on the internet.

“And the results are in: It’s a red wave with Republicans gaining in the Senate and even the House. A lot of Trump supporters weren’t planning on voting, but they finally gave in thanks to all the badgering from celebrities.”
“NOOOOOOOO!!!”

I bristle when I hear voting referred to as a “right.” It’s more of a compromise where we all get micro-input on our government since we are all resigned to the fact that it can infringe our rights.

People have been going on and on about how awesome Beto is, so how unbelievably great Ted Cruz must be to keep leading him in the polls. As a Texan, this is really exciting.

I would like the Republicans and Trump to get a rebuke for their bad behavior, but I’d also like the Democrats to get a rebuke for their bad behavior. I’m guessing we’re going to come out of this with neither learning anything.

According to exit polls, everyone loves exiting! “A lot more fun than entering” seems to be the majority opinion.

Remember to vote for whichever politician promises jetpacks and laser guns. It’s almost 2020; where are our jetpacks and laser guns?

Remember: Voting is just the government’s ploy to get your fingerprints on the murder weapon.

I was kind of rooting for Republicans to narrowly hold the Senate and Democrats to narrowly get the House — the closest to a “you both need to do better” message.

Beto was the worst. Well, not him; his enthusiastic supporters. I just can’t stand more mediocrity being deified.

Bright side for the Republicans on losing the House is there ain’t nothing they love more than running against Nancy Pelosi.

If you use the phrase “Senate popular vote,” I will never take seriously anything you say about politics ever again.

I’m not sure how worked up to get about lone crazies — like presumably whoever is sending the bombs or the guy who shot up Republicans on a baseball field — as it’s unclear what you can do to stop one of the 400 million people in this country from being crazy.
If people watched their rhetoric, would that help? Maybe. Would be nice regardless, though.

I’m always on the lookout for false flags, which is why I count the stars and stripes of every flag I see. So far they check out.

What I’m really worried about is that we don’t know where 85% of the matter in the universe is. You give scientists one job—keep track of matter—and they can’t even do it. What’s Trump doing about this?

Michael Avenatti is like a dumber Trump.
That might work for all I know, though.

Candy corn is fine.

You’re not supposed to put a sticker of every crazy thought you have on to the side of your van.
That’s what Twitter is for!

“This too shall pass” should be the motto of politics these days. Whatever you’re screaming about right now you’ll have forgotten about by this time next week.

One crazy guy by himself isn’t much of a data point. Two could still be coincidental. With three, you have more of a pattern.
Preferably, you’d want hundreds over a long period of time to make some really solid conclusions.

I hope James Woods speaks up for Apu. The guy took a bullet for him.

When horrible things happen, that’s when it’s important to be nicer to each other and not meaner to each other.

All scientists agree that music as an art form peaked in the 80s, probably with the song “Everybody Have Fun Tonight.”

We are made in God’s image, and I think a part of that is a sense that many things are very wrong in this world, which is something we try to deal with in our own feeble ways.

Wait—what color dead redemption?

I never paid much attention to Soros. I guess I was kind of dismissive of him after hearing he gave money to Media Matters. That just made him seem like yet another fool wasting money on politics. I mean, those Media Matters jokers can’t even convince themselves of anything.

If you can’t make whatever happened into an argument that reinforces the view you already have, then you’re just not a very good pundit.

I expect President Trump to make an over the top statement about how bad the press is, and I expect the press to mis-report it.

Antisemitism has always been absolutely bizarre to me; it’s never once in my life occurred to me to be threatened by Jewish people.

Rocky IV is perhaps the most 80s of 80s movies. What else would contest it? Red Dawn?

I’m not usually a gawk at train wrecks kind of guy, but I started following Jacob Wohl. He baffles me. Can anyone explain him? Is he honestly too dumb and too blatant to be a partisan grifter? Is that possible?

My daughter had an idea for something, and I was able to wire it up and code it within a few minutes on the Arduino. Made me feel like Q.

I prefer Ted Cruz to Beto because Ted Cruz is an obvious weasel which I prefer to someone like Beto who is good at tricking people into thinking he’s not a weasel.

So some people were making fun of the left with this meme comparing them to NPCs in video games.
Rational Response: “This is dumb. I will ignore it.”
Response of Idiots in Need of Constant Ridicule: “OH NO! NAZIS! WE HAVE TO STOP THIS NOW!!!”

Hating capitalism is as dumb as hating science.

I am looking at the nearly complete first issue of the Superego graphic novel. This is exciting.
BTW, the sequel to Superego is currently being read by the alpha reader (my wife, SarahK), and then it will go to beta readers. It’s been a while, but things are happening with Superego now.
I did put up the first chapter of the sequel to Superego (title pending). Spoilers Rico didn’t die.

After Obama and Trump, I think the proper antidote would be a grumpy realist.
“The government is a big garbage fire lorded over by idiots and I’m probably not going to do anything useful with it. I’ll do my best to not make things worse, but no promises.”

So if I am now understanding the Elizabeth Warren DNA test, she either had one Native American ancestor six generations back or multiple Native American ancestors up to ten generations ago. That’s why the 1/1024th isn’t accurate (though fun!).

Near the end of Justified season 2. I’m really enjoying it. I now want to be a federal marshal when I grow up.

If Twitter is banning people who are giving out misleading information about the election, are they going to ban anyone who says your vote matters?

#WhyIWrite Ideas are like demons. When I write them down, I exorcise them and they bother me no more.

You know, I’ve never been a fan of the leaders of Saudi Arabia.

Why can’t we have jobs and mobs? Why does everything have to be either or?

I just realized my kids don’t know much about dinosaurs. Dinosaurs were just much more interesting when I was young because they weren’t all covered in feathers like Vegas dancers.

Dinosaurs When I Was Kid: Gigantic, extinct lizards!
Dinosaurs Now: “See that thing tweeting over there? That’s a dinosaur. That’s right; they’re the most boring animals on the planet.”

Science is just best guesses based on available data, but I don’t think most people understand which science is a solid guess based on a lot of data and which is a wild-ass guess based on little data. Dinosaurs probably falls under the latter.

I think I’ve come up with it — a way to heal our partisan divide and bring everyone together as one nation.
But I’m going to keep it to myself because a few of you were rude to me online.

Concerns about voter fraud and concerns about measures against voter fraud disenfranchising voters are mainly just BS to anger different segments of voters.

I read something by someone with different political views than me, and it made me kind of angry. Enough of that!

Killing is ugly.

In you live in the U.S., you’re already rich. Trying to get a billion dollars for doing nothing is just being greedy.

I really enjoy the new DuckTales. Fun show to watch with the kids.

We know the leaders of the Saudi Arabia are horrible—we’ve known that forever. Are we actually going to do something about it? Because I thought the answer to that has always been “no”.

You’re not screaming at politicians in restaurants because you just “care so much” or some other nonsense. You’re doing it because you’re an a-hole and you want some excuse to publicly be an a-hole where other horrible people might cheer you on.

Worst thing you could do to politicians would be to ignore them.

Antman & the Wasp was a… perfectly cromulent Marvel movie. Very enjoyable. Already forgotten most of it.
It was refreshing that it had comparably low stakes compared to other Marvel movies. Only a handful of lives were ever on the line.
My favorite characters were Luis, the sidekick (returning from previous), and Jimmy Woo, the well-meaning, dorky FBI agent that Scott Lang is constantly having to fool.
Anyway, hard to imagine it being anyone’s favorite Marvel movie but also hard to imagine anyone who wouldn’t enjoy it.

How did the ice planet Hoth have breathable oxygen? Where did that come from?

And why did Picard never use the replicator to make a toupée?

If you want more Senators, you could split up the big states.

What if FOX News was actually delivered by foxes wearing glasses and little suits? It would be adorable! You wouldn’t even care if they hated immigrants.

If I had one of those laser swords from Star Wars, I’d win every fight. If anyone challenged me, I’d immediately extend my laser sword. And while he’s distracted by that, I’d shoot him with my crossbow.
No, that’s not going to work. I just looked up crossbows on Amazon, and they’re way more expensive than I thought.

Know what would solve everything? Getting rid of our borders.
“I want to illegally cross the U.S. border. Point me to it.”
“I can’t. There is no border.”
“Zounds! Foiled!”

I get people saying “I’m voting for Beto because Ted Cruz is a weasel and killed dozens of people in the 60s” but for the people acting like Beto is something special to be excited about: Stop being gullible idiots.

I guess it’s a symptom of our increasingly divided politics that we have the ACLU and Amnesty International morphing from organizations of specific purposes to generic left wing orgs and we have the NRA turning into a generic right-wing org.

“Our hate can overcome their hate.” -partisan politics

I just realized the moon would be upside down in Australia. That would freak me out. I’m not going there.

I don’t get bird watching. If you stare at a bird for a long time and it doesn’t know you’re there, does it tap dance or something?

Anytime someone makes an emotional appeal in an argument, that makes me think of those tone-deaf American Idol contestants. I never doubted the sincerity and intensity of their belief they were destined to be superstars, but none of that changed the reality of the situation.

Someone should come up with a succinct phrase that expresses how intensity of emotion has no relation to determining objective reality.

The problem with our election system is that one party or the other is going to take the result as an endorsement, which is a horrible message to send.

People have been yelling “Vote! Vote! Vote!” every single election since forever, but this is the year getting more people to pick between two crappy choices is finally going to fix everything.

There’s a lot of hypocrisy on guns because while many people profess to not like them, deep down everyone understands their utility. For the people who fantasize about a total gun ban, what are you going to use to enforce that? Strongly-worded letters?

Actually, with all the sensitivities these days, a strongly-worded letter could be a minefield. I would be careful with those.

I’m a little wary about how First Man changes history by having rival evil astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin have a shootout with on the moon, but without that the movie would have basically no drama.

I made my kids some nachos and told them “It’s nacho ordinary nachos,” but the pun was a lie; it was just chips with shredded cheddar cheese melted on it—about as ordinary as they can get.

There’s not really a strict definition of either, but I think for a lot of people civility is things like not using racial slurs and political correctness is not telling light bulb jokes because that might offend blind people.

The problem is I don’t think there can ever be a hard fast rule when it’s polite to try to avoid offense versus when the more polite thing is for the potentially aggrieved party to suck it up. Of course, I’m a Christian, so I’m offended by a hundred things a day and no one cares.

When you act angry at someone for being a terrible person but are terrible yourself, it comes off as insincere.

I’d be fine with people having an irrational hatred of one party if it wasn’t married with an irrational like of the other.

The whole Kanye thing is dumb, but even dumber are all the people on the left who seem threatened by it.

The left are becoming like these old fogies who feel the need to clamp down on anyone rebelling against the way things have always been.

One great thing about every major election these days is you in each one someone who really deserves to lose is going to lose.

When the kids say they don’t like tickles, I tickle them as punishment for lying.

Kanye and the reaction too him is just an illustration that much of politics these days is bad people being screamed at by worse people.

There’s a myth from George Washington’s childhood used to illustrate his honesty. His father had a favorite cherry tree, but one day found curvy women carved into it. When he questioned young George, the boy looked up at him and said, “I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

The left’s bizarre meltdown about Kanye illustrates they would get a lot more mileage critiquing their own racism rather than the right’s (especially since I doubt the right will ever listen to them again on that issue).

If I had one wish in this divided, ultra-partisan climate, it would be for more wishes. That’s always the first wish.

The Supernatural season premiere was a little meh. Maybe they’re hitting that common 14th season slump where they start to run out of ideas.

You’d almost think Trump was this great, flawless president with how many of the controversies about him are total stupid nonsense.

The “Trump loves the Confederates!” thing was pretty gratuitous, but was any harm done? That would take someone who is both:
1. Influenceable on Trump
2. Still trusts the MSM
I sincerely doubt such a person exists.

At this point, NBC could report that Trump praised Hitler and you’d have a large group freak out about how awful Trump is and another group just assume it’s a lie and at the end of the day no one’s opinion would change.

First Man (2018): People from a never identified country attempt to land on the moon to raise awareness for climate change.

I heard somewhere they digitally removed all the American flags from the uniforms in First Man so as to not offend Democrats since they all hate America. That somewhere was a random guy on the internet, but he seemed pretty sure about it.

MYTH: Barack Obama hated America.
FACT: Most years the U.S. made Obama’s list of the 20 best countries.

I saw First Man and it’s true: They digitally removed every flag from the movie and are careful to never mention which country is landing on the moon. Also, Buzz Aldrin has been replaced with a Chinese woman to increase international ticket sales.

That explains why when Elizabeth Warren killed a buffalo, she’d only use 1/1024th of it.

Credit where it’s due: A politician’s story being 1/1024th accurate is much higher than expected.

We all owe Elizabeth Warren 1/1024th of an apology.

I hope Elizabeth Warren is the Democrats’ candidate in 2020. For maximum entertainment, we need someone who is easily baited by Trump.

The only thing that could save First Man at the box office would be to release a new trailer set to the Team America theme.

Okay, I kind of admire Elizabeth Warren going full Leeroy Jenkins with her possible 1/1024th Native American heritage.

I have no idea who Pete Davidson is and only a vague idea who Ariana Grande is. Am I missing something?

A common thread leading to horrible policies — and you see this in different issues on the right and left — is treating people as a problem to be solved.

1/1024th is the amount of Native American you’d expect to find in a DNA test of Spock.

According to Nate Silver, about 35% of the Democrats’ election chances rested on Elizabeth Warren being able to prove she’s a Cherokee, so this incident is probably going to hurt them.

I completely forgot that silly “she persisted” thing was about Elizabeth Warren. I don’t even remember what issue that was about.
Anyway, please people, don’t lionize politicians. If makes you a simpering idiot.

Everyone is always jumping between complaining about money in politics and bragging about how much money they raised.

I haven’t watched The Simpsons in years (and probably won’t again until the final episode), but I still kind of admire how absurdly long they’ve been on the air.
Those first ten or so seasons probably had more impact on me than any other TV show.
When The Simpsons first aired, I was Bart’s age. I’m now at least as old as Homer and have three kids of approximately the same ages as his.
What’s funny, is The Simpsons correctly predicted how I’d stop watching The Simpsons. “Ah. Classic Itchy & Scratchy… What else is on?” Though they had a few bad seasons, I thought they were getting a lot better when I finally got bored of it.
I forgot what was the last seasons I watched. I remember thinking the show got better after it went HD, and it was soon after that the episodes just seemed to sit on my DVR.

What does it say that Donald Trump has only the second worst behavior towards women of modern presidents?

The people you have to coerce and badger into registering to vote don’t have the input our republic is desperately missing.

The part in The Conners where the grandchildren explain to a tearful Dan that they had to murder his wife for having the wrong politics was hard to watch, but it’s something an increasing number of families can relate to.

So in that Cheney movie, are they going to start with Cheney already active? Because I don’t think we need another Cheney origin story.

Steve Carrell as Donald Rumsfeld? I’m having trouble seeing that.

Man, he really does look a lot more like Dick Cheney than he does Christian Bale.

I’d buy the “temperament” argument more if it weren’t also paired with “he’s a gang rapist!” That’s not the argument you believe in; it’s the one you’re settling for since the others didn’t pan out.

I always felt safe with Dick Cheney around. This was a guy who shot his friends in the face with a shotgun; just think of what he’d do to our enemies.

If the Republicans actually gain Senators in November, their next SCOTUS nominee will be so conservative he’ll have a cowboy hat and a six-shooter at each hip.

dancing and firing two guns in the air
“Yeehaw! I’m going to repeal Roe v Wade!”

Wonder how this would be different if it were just Ford’s accusation and there wasn’t also Ronan Farrow’s extremely thin hit pieces and Michael Avenatti’s complete nonsense. They’ve hurt the #MeToo movement by making false and politically motivated accusations look commonplace.

Jennifer Rubin definitely doesn’t have traditional views of someone on the right, so I guess you could call her “alt-right.”

All of you who thought Devil’s Triangle was some weird sex thing are weirdos and the FBI should investigate you.

Isn’t the amount of time a bunch of old weirdos in the Senate have spent poring over a teenager’s yearbook one of the creepiest things?

Where do you buy “thin gruel”? Seems like a good thing to have on hand to feed the kids when they’re bad.

How often in Supreme Court cases do the lawyers make nonsense allegations against the judges of gang rape? Because Kavanaugh has proven he doesn’t have the temperament for that.

Pro Tip: If a trial isn’t going well for you, accuse the judge of gang rape. If he gets mad, you can then get a mistrial for bad judicial temperament.

It was time to say goodbye to Rowdi today. When we adopted her back in January 2006, we were told she was 3yo. That would mean she was well over 15 and a half. She was a good dog.

With a fourth kid on the way, going to be a long while until we get another dog. There’s a certain emptiness, though, in a house without a dog.

How ever many votes Kavanaugh gets, Trump will claims it’s the most votes ever for a Supreme Court nominee.

There are a lot of upset, angry people in politics these days. What’s needed are for people with calmer heads to sit down with these people and reassure them that all their concerns are stupid.

Why do Senators have to be there in person to vote? That hasn’t really been needed since the invention of the telegraph.

What people say they believe about gender and what they through their actions show they fundamentally believe about gender don’t seem to have a lot of overlap.

So the other day I’m reading Matthew 22:36-40 to my 7yo daughter. Now this seems like a pretty important verse as Jesus say all the law and the prophets come down to these two commandments.
On hearing “love your neighbor as yourself,” my daughter asks “But who is your neighbor?” Now this is great. My daughter is engaged and asked a question — a question I know how to answer! Or know how to find the answer.
So I turn to Luke 10:29 where Jesus is asked that exact same question. His response is the parable of the Good Samaritan.
I of course have read the story a million times. I assume even my 7yo had heard it multiple times. But something was different this time. Maybe telling it to my daughter as if it were something new let me see it for the first time.
We read about the first two — the ones the man would have expected to help him — but they just cross to the other side of the road when they see him. So far, it’s as expected.
Next we get to the despised Samaritan. He stops and helps the man. And he goes above and beyond and makes sure the injured man is completely cared for. And I have that rare thing I don’t know how to deal with: an outburst of emotion.
And I guess that’s why you read the Bible over and over. Because most of the time you don’t get it. It’s just encouraging words like you could find in any self-help book. But if you keep at it, every so often it is something more.
Every so often it’s Jesus talking — and not just in some general way to everyone but to you personally. To communicate to you something you need to know. And even if that’s just for a brief moment, it’s a glorious thing.

The key to defeating Trump is to not be a bunch of horrible garbage people that make Trump look like the reasonable, compassionate adult in the room in comparison.
It’s apparently much harder than it seems.

If I were the other Supreme Court Justices, I’d start labeling all my beer in the Supreme Court fridge before Kavanaugh gets there.

This whole Kavanaugh affair was really an issue of temperament. If the left could have controlled themselves just a little and not instantly seized on every single dishonest garbage argument and not dumped all their principles, they probably would have been able to stop Kavanaugh.

“If millions of dishonest people are intent on destroying you and your family for partisan reasons and accuse you of gang rape and put on trial your high school year book, the correct way to respond is…”
Just stop it. Stop being garbage. Move on. It’s not worth it.

The most important thing is that at the end of the day no one learned anything.

If Trump has to appoint a replacement for RBG, these past few weeks will be known as “the good ole days.”

Missed the dog this morning when I had a leftover piece of sausage from feeding the kids and nothing to do with it. No one appreciates leftovers like a dog.

My daughter’s party for her 8th birthday was today. SarahK was overjoyed when my daughter requested a Harry Potter birthday and made her a Monster Book of Monsters cake.

My daughter has only read the first three books, so no spoilers.

SarahK is excited because now she doesn’t have any more birthdays to prepare for until May. Well, there’s a literal birthday coming up in February, but she doesn’t have to make a cake for that.

There’s a lot of important work to do in this country. Very little of it has to do with elections and it helps if you’re not constantly freaking out about everything.

Elections are stupid. They’re all win/lose, and mature people know you do everything you can to avoid putting each other in win/lose scenarios. That’s for sports; not for life.
Hey, this coming election we have a choice between Republicans and Democrats—same as the last 100+ years. Which choice this time will finally solve everything?

When my 3yo is really entertained by something, she lets out a high-pitched “Ahhh!” that’s an exact imitation of Lucille Bluth being surprised by Gene Parmesan.

If you really want to change the world, follow Jesus’s example and stay out of politics.

We have this dumb idea of how change happens these days. People think change is getting a certain person elected. Or change is getting a certain law passed. Or winning a Supreme Court case. But that’s garbage.
Change is not some benevolent majority of 51% dragging the other 49% along through government force, but that’s what politics is all about.
Real change is about changing people’s hearts. But all the red versus blue stuff does is close people’s hearts. Elections are almost specifically designed to keep people from being influenced by each other.
It’s dumb. All the money and energy put into politics is money and energy that is not actually helping this country. It’s just stuff thrown into the void of the same pointless conflict we’ve had for decades.
If you want to influence people, you need to step away from that. It’s like when people tried to drag Jesus into a political issue on taxes. He just side stepped it because He had more important to talk about.

The character John Ralphio from Parks and Rec always causes and argument between me and my wife.
“I don’t like that character.”
“Yes, but that’s the point of him. The joke is how over the top awful he is.”
“Yeah, but I don’t care for him.”

I just need to come up with one more made up term, and then my second draft for the sequel to Superego is done and finally ready for someone else to read.
On my first draft, I put in notes in brackets that are either things I need to fix, stuff to fill in later, and most often made up names and terms I had to come up with. I started with over 600 of those when the unreadable first draft was done. Now they’re all handled.

People make lots of great arguments that Trump is bad. They just keep failing at their arguments that he’s worse.

Do not quote Churchill. His name references religion which many people find offensive.

If you honestly think things in this country are terrible, then why don’t you stop contributing to it?

Nothing has made me appreciate the night sky like my 3yo. She makes me take her out every night before bed and gets so excited when we can see bright, red Mars up in the sky. And she’s started to learn the stars’ names. “Der’s Vega! Der’s Arcturus!”

“Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.”

A lot of people don’t like climate change because they are threatened by change. “I don’t want the climate to change; I want it to be just like it was in the 1950s.” But in the 1950s, there was also RACISM.

When the one allegation came out about Kavanaugh, the pattern was there should have been numerous other incidents from his years in professional life. When those didn’t surface, people didn’t know what to do. Hence the nonsense insinuation about his teenage years.
A disgustingly large number of people in the media and out (including Ronan Farrow) signed on to the idea that Kavanaugh must be guilty, so any insinuation that makes that argument in people’s mind was fair game.
In the end, no bad behavior was proved about Kavanaugh, but plenty of horrible behavior was proved about those who tossed out all principles to try and take him down.

According to the far-left theory of intersectionality, any two lines that aren’t parallel will eventually intersect. This has not been proven.

If people really were so certain that Kavanaugh is guilty, they wouldn’t constantly be dishonest about absolutely everything.
You have a lot of people who really really want him to be guilty, but people who honestly think he’s guilty? Not so many.

Did Kavanaugh sexually assault for 36 years ago? I don’t know. But most of the stuff you people are seizing onto is stupid nonsense and the reason you’re doing it because you’re bad people and dumb partisans.

Jennifer Rubin is the centrist Alex Jones.

So either it’s a gang rape ring or a one man getting his reputation smeared unlike we’ve ever witnessed before. One or the other.

Won’t it really hurt Ronan Farrow’s reputation if all he got was that vague recollection of pants maybe being pulled down but completely missed the gang rape ring?

It’s almost impossible to take this all seriously. It’s like a bunch of clowns emerging from a clown car to tell you you have cancer.

The saddest thing is seeing Trump and Avenatti snipe at each other when it really seems like they should be best friends.

What I least understand is that in Swetnick’s statement she seemed to say she went to multiple parties where she knew gang rapes were happening and just avoided the punch.
But maybe that’s just because I’m one of those introverts who would seize on any excuse to avoid a party.

If every time a Senator spoke, we just replaced their words with the sounds Charlie Brown’s teacher makes, we’d be no less informed.

Seasonal Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups — one shaped as Christmas trees, eggs, or pumpkins — are the best as they’re like a peanut butter cup that’s all middle.

If Kavanaugh is innocent, then this is an unbelievably awful thing that’s happened to him and his family.

Don’t try to shame someone for yelling at a Senator. They should all be yelled at constantly by everyone.

A lot of people are very certain about all this. They’re called sociopaths.

What is the mass of the entire universe and why that number?
I believe too much of the universe is hidden from us for us to even make a good estimate of the mass, but we’re pretty sure it’s not infinite. Which means it’s mass must be a specific number and there has to be a reason it’s that number and not another.

Man, you have to cut through a lot of journalism to understand what’s going on these days.

The left won’t rest until everyone who was on the fence in 2016 votes for Trump in 2020 just to spite them.

My favorite take is: “He can’t be impartial now that we’ve worked so hard to destroy him.”

The surprised reaction to Kavanaugh getting angry kept making me think of this.

My wife has ruled out “James” as a name for our new son because she knows that the first time he falls while learning to walk I’ll start calling him “Slippin’ Jimmy”.

What if all the Dems accomplished was to radicalize Kavanaugh before putting him on the court?

I think after that hearing we can all agree that putting 17yo Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court would have been a bad idea.

It’s not fair, but I wonder if part of it is more people can see themselves in Kavanaugh’s situation than Ford’s. I don’t think a lot of men know what being a victim of sexual assault is like, but everyone can imagine themselves being wrongly accused and their lives destroyed.
We’ve all seen the sociopathic partisan mobs that will just gleefully tear people apart, and we’re all scared of them because we know there is nothing you can do to ensure they won’t just turn on you. It’s pure evil and we all fear it now.

I don’t get people saying it’s a negative Kavanaugh yelled at Senators. I have a lot of trouble trusting anyone who treats politicians with reverence.

I wonder if the other accusations ended up helping Kavanaugh. We’re used to one accusation leading to others throughout the professional career, but the other accusations were all vague details of him as a teenager pretty much proving there wasn’t anything more.

A week long FBI investigation? Mulder and Scully never needed more than an hour.

“Mulder, we’re off the UFO case. We need to find evidence of sexual assault at an unknown place at an unknown date from 36 years ago.”
“Is the Cigarette Smoking Man behind this?”
“No. It’s much much dumber than that.”

The left seems sure Kavanaugh is as horrible as they are.

If the FBI finds that Kavanaugh has lied about anything, they can charge him with slerjury, which is a combination slander/perjury. I know what I’m talking about as I read the Wikipedia article on “laws”.

So while you’re all trying to prove that 17yo Kavanaugh was kind of a dick based on things written in his yearbook, there are still no allegations from his 30 years of professional life?

Isn’t Beto the privileged frat boy you all imagine Kavanaugh to be with even more evidence to back that up?
Eh, why am I pretending anyone actually cares about any of this and it isn’t all just partisan BS?

The lesson of this Kavanaugh stuff is the same as it’s always been: Everyone in government is horrible. Don’t trust any of them. Limit their power as much as possible.

I could see someone being up to “pretty certain” Kavanaugh is guilty, but the ones who act absolutely certain and are gleeful about tearing him apart don’t give a damn about Ford or sexual assault. They’re just partisan sociopaths.

Let’s not let all this Kavanaugh stuff distract from the fact the Supreme Court is stupid, illustrated by the fact that people are still going on about a stolen seat since when people randomly die is supposed to show who “owns” it.

I wonder if having terms for SCOTUS would make it less stupid? Seems like a band aid though rather than a real fix.

Remember when all that was going on with Kavanaugh was people lying about him calling birth-control “abortion inducing drugs”? Seems like such simpler times.

Finally checked out Deadwood which caused me to finally check out Justified. That latter show feels almost quaint, though; it feels like forever since I watched something that was episodic.
Only watched first season of Deadwood because that’s all they had on VidAngel. It’s a little much for relaxing watching it in the evening with your wife.

playing NES Pro Wrestling with my daughter
“Do they have a girl character to choose?”
“No. This was before they knew they’d get in trouble if they left that out.”
A winner was me, BTW, but it took three rounds.

I forgot that the NES version of Double Dragon was two player alternating. That is so so lame. I’m considering getting that Capcom bundle for Switch to show my kids some proper arcade beat ‘em ups.

Finally saw Solo. It was fun!
I saw Kathleen Kennedy got extended for three years. Don’t know what to think about that. Force Awakens was an absolute bullseye for a soft reboot—hard to imagine anything increasing Star Wars enthusiasm more.
Rogue One was a perfectly cromulent movie, which was kind of amazing hearing about the trouble behind the scenes.
The Last Jedi, well, some people liked that, but it felt to me like Rian Johnson took a big dump on what JJ Abrams was trying to do and killed all my enthusiasm for the story.
Following that, Solo kind of flopped—when it was as least as good as Rogue One. It ain’t looking good and JJ Abrams has to right the ship. How much of this falls on Kennedy? I dunno.
BTW, we need a Lando movie starring Donald Glover. He was a joy every time he was on screen. Can’t believe Glover hasn’t had a big movie hit yet.

The Solo movie was a lot of fun, and I correctly predicted the final line of it.
“Chewie, it’s time to go vest shopping.”
And at the end when SPOILERS Darth Maul appears and Duel of the Fates plays and Darth Maul ignites His double lightsaber for no reason, he should have said “By the way, I’m Darth Maul.”

So with the total focus on trying to prove 17yo Kavanaugh drank too much, am I to assume that Kavanaugh’s 30 years of professional life are completely unimpeachable?

What makes this all unseemly is it’s starting to feel like a teenager is on trial for not being up to the standards of a SCOTUS. And it’s like people have given up trying to prove Kavanaugh committed sexual assault so they’ll settle for implying it.

It’s really hypocritical for the Democrats to act all concerned about Kavanaugh’s teenage drinking when Ruth Bader Ginsburg regularly shows up drunk for oral argument and they’ve never said a word. Once she forgot her robe and wore a black trash bag.
Snopes will back me up on this.

So we’re watching TV, and my 5yo turns to me and says, “Socialism is just a regressive idea born of a fear of loss of control of things that never could be controlled.”
And I was like, “Shut up. I’m trying to watch DuckTales.”

If people don’t think the FBI is doing a good job of investigating Kavanaugh, they should hire a private eye like Veronica Mars or that male version of Veronica Mars, Sherlock Holmes.

My guess is Kavanaugh is innocent. When you look at his 30 years of professional life with no allegations, that seems to really outweigh Ford’s 36yo accusation lacking details and no corroboration by anyone else. But I’m no particularly good judge of character, so whatever.
Those acting 100% certain Kavanaugh is guilty are horrible horrible people, though. You are the worst. As however bad you imagine Kavanaugh is, that’s what you are.

You almost got him, guys. If the FBI can prove Kavanaugh threw ice, that should be it for him.

We’ll all have to stop reading Harry Potter soon—there’s a lot of fat-shaming of the Dursleys in it.

I’ve never heard the terms “boof” or “devil’s triangle” before, so it’s hard for me to not look at people who are absolutely certain of what those means as bunch of weirdos. FBI should check them out.

sprays a SCOTUS with a high-powered hose throughout the confirmation hearings
“Hmm. This guy is reacting much differently than other SCOTUS nominees. I wonder why that is?”

You could have a “Remember when…” type show that would just be Trump scandals from a few months ago.
“Remember when people pretended to be outraged that Trump called MS-13 gang members ‘animals’?”

Here’s me getting in a bar fight. If you put me on the Supreme Court, I will fight them all! I will fight the all and I will win!

I’ve never actually been in a bar fight. I’ve never even been in a bar argument. I’m delightful at bars!

Going to be fun with the next SCOTUS nominee where the new standard is do everything you can to destroy his life and then see if he gets snippy.

“So, Goldfinger, do you want me to talk?”
“No, Mr. Bond. I want you to die.”turns on laser
“But I thought this was a job interview?!”
“Don’t get snippy with me! I knew you didn’t have the temperament for this!”

It really seems like they’ve given up on the sexual assault charge and are trying to convict teenage Kavanaugh of being kind of a dick. Are there any scandals about him that aren’t old enough to run for president?

This is all so bizarre and everyone is just crazy awful garbage people. A fair outcome might be Kavanaugh dropping out and most Senators and most people in the major news outlets resigning as well.

Trump attacking Ford is one of those scorpion and the frog sort of things.

ME: “That’s it, kids. You have five more minutes.”
SIRI (on my watch, completely unbidden): “Setting a timer for five minutes.”
ME: “Hm. Thanks for the assist, Siri.”

With the new WatchOS, you can activate Siri without any special voice command. It hasn’t always worked for me, but that was the first time I saw it go off accidentally.

My prediction on how this all ends: Merrick Garland going to prison for sexual assault.

Before going after the Electoral College, we should first rethink whatever primary system ended up with Hillary Clinton as one of the candidates.

Feels like it’s been a while since a positive story dominated the news like the building of the transcontinental railroad, landing on the moon, or the U.S. winning the gold in curling.

The actress Alice Eve is interesting, because I know lots of examples of men with two male first names for a name (Ron Paul, Paul Ryan, Paul Harvey), that’s the only example I know of a woman with two feminine first names for a name.

I’m actually quite curious who are the people who take Jennifer Rubin seriously. I assume they’re people on the left who use her as “even conservative Rubin says…” even though they can’t name a recent position of hers they disagree with.

If you check the side of any polygraph machine, you’ll find a sticker that says “For entertainment purposes only.”

Never saw Space Jam. Don’t care for science fiction.

If we assume Kavanaugh is innocent, I don’t think it’s possible for him to disprove charges of sexual assault on an unknown date at an unknown place. It would need more specifics. Even then, what’s the chance of finding an alibi for 35 years ago? It’s all down to credibility.

I read the Bob Iger interview, and he very carefully avoided saying “Rian Johnson killed Star Wars” though that was the gist of it.

Why do people react to Handmaid stuff with “How dare you make light of that make believe suffering!” but no one was like that with memes about Spider-man disintegrating?

The problem is that Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker is so iconic that any other performance just seems like Alden Ehrenreich getting compared to Harrison Ford.

Something I’ve learned from feeding my 3yo’s obsession with planets is that when you focus on worlds millions of miles away, it does make a lot of the problems we obsess on here seem kind of dumb.
Plus, I’ve been reading this book on the Transcontinental Railroad. It’s hard to understand how much that instantly expanded the country’s horizons. We need something like that again.

Tried to watch the Cruz/Beto debate, but these things are always just two weasels trying to out weasel each other. At least with Trump in a debate, something interesting could happen.

I don’t like either of those two. Can’t we elect like a Colt peacemaker as Senator from Texas?

I didn’t watch the Emmys, but it did get me to check out The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, so it accomplished something.

I don’t think Ted Cruz’s “Maybe police officers who accidentally go into other people’s houses and shoot them should stay on the force” is quite the kill shot he thinks it is.
People are saying the officer who shot Botham Jean needs due process before being fired, but I’m saying she should be fired based on her own version of events. Due process comes into play on whether or not she should also go to prison.

I’m so likable, I never get death threats but only the opposite, alive well-wishes. “I hope you stay alive” people say after reading my great takes.

Jeff Flake? More like Jeff “Guy You Can’t Rely On.”

It looks like this new story will damage Kavanaugh—as now it’s more than one allegation—and Ronan Farrow—as it’s much weaker than his usual stuff and makes him look like a partisan hitman.

We could be absolutely certain Kavanaugh is an irredeemable scumbag if they uncover in his past he was a U.S. Senator.

Well, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was delightful. I only checked it out because it won all those Emmys as it was not a title that caused me to even google what the premise was. I’m more on the lookout for titles like “Robot Explosion Punch.”

I have a great feeling about this week! I think things are really going to get saner and calm down.

So does everyone — Republican and Democrat — now agree that Bill Clinton is probably a rapist and should never have been president?

I want everyone to go to prison. Everyone. You should all be in prison and think about what you’ve become.

The more certain you are, the more horrible you are.

A wolverine is what you get from cross-breeding a wolf and a tangerine.

If you’re innocent, what is the proper way to refute an allegation of sexual assault at an unknown date at an unknown place 35 years ago?

It’s kind of unseemly for Democrats to chant “We believe survivors!” It comes off as a specific slight against Mary Jo Kopechne.

I have so much trouble believing these loudest voices care at all about sexual assault. In the least, it’s not in their top ten.

I don’t know a thing about Ford or Kavanaugh to judge one’s word over the other, but I’m pretty sure about everyone else is lying.

That no allegations have come out of Kavanaugh’s 30 years in professional life seems pretty relevant.
Of course, if he did do something as a teen, he’s currently lying about it, which would also be relevant.

These activists who mob and scream at people always claim they’re doing it because they just care so much about people, but I’m pretty sure it’s just because they’re a-holes and trying to find some avenue where they might actually get praised for being an a-hole.

“Hello, Mr. FBI, we have a sexual assault allegation from 1982 at a unknown place on an unknown date. Can you clear this up?”
“Certainly. We have special resources for this. Hold on a sec.”a few minutes later
“We have solved everything.”everyone lives happily ever after

Since Ford said she had to drive or something, is there any confirmation she left California?
Or are they doing it remote?

At the end of this, either Kavanaugh should go to jail or Senator Feinstein should go to jail for wasting everyone’s time.

What’s so especially Hillary Clinton is she’s a couple days late with the thoroughly debunked talking point.

Apple’s plan is to continually grow the iPhone and shrink the iPad until they’re just selling the same thing in both category hoping we don’t notice.

Pretty gutsy casting Norm Macdonald as the next Superman.

This many years later, I still can’t wrap my head around Norm Macdonald being fired from Weekend Update. That was one of the funniest things ever.

I was kicked out of the intellectual dark web for all my bright ideas.

Is there a German word for pride-shame? I tried to “actually” my 2yo when she said “Venus has clouds and volcanoes.”
“Venus is cloudy, but you might be thinking of Jupiter’s moon, Io. It has volcanoes.”googles Venus; sees it has more volcanoes than any other planet
“Oh.”
I don’t understand how she knows things about science I didn’t teach her.
Anyway, she turned 3 this past weekend and had a planet party as she is currently obsessed with them.

I don’t get people breaking down in tears about Trump winning. Just think about Hillary losing to cheer you up.

I really don’t get how you can spend 100s of millions on these things and screw them up. And even a purple-butted baboon should be able to make money off of Batman and Superman.

The one question we never have to ask: What is Trump thinking right now?

President Leeroy Jenkins.

Iron Fist season 2 was fine. Strangely, I find Ward Meachum the most interesting character from that series just because you’re just never sure what he’s going to do in the end.
I do support a Daughters of the Dragon spinoff, but just because I like Misty. Colleen seems like a good pairing for Danny Rand because she’s mainly just there.
Anyway, I do have some hopes for Daredevil season 3 as I think Kingpin is back for that. What I’m mainly looking forward to, though, is more Punisher.

I don’t get the point of the police searching Botham Jean’s apartment other than to just make people more angry at them.

If they find any illegal contraband in Botham Jean’s apartment, you have to assume the officer planted it there. It’s certainly in her MO since we already know she’s a murderer.
Seriously, why are they searching the guy’s home except to make people even angrier.

Are you an even more bloated welfare state socialist or the type where I have to prepare to fight you same as I would a Nazi?

If the charge is Kavanaugh is some sort of predator, you’d expect some accusations from when he was in a position of power.
If that happens, then all bets are off.

It’s a boy!
Now we have to figure out a name. I’m thinking something tough like “Rock Punchington.”
Also, I’ve always been partial to “Zap Rowsdower.”

Four kids seems like a lot, but we have the minimum configuration where everyone gets a brother and a sister, i.e., the full sibling experience.

I’m going to teach my sons that the ideal masculinity is going as close to toxic masculinity as possible without going over the line.

It’s my youngest daughter’s third birthday. She’s obsessed with the planets (every evening I have to take her outside to say goodnight to whatever planets we can see), so we’re having a planet party. Now that’s a mom cake.
She is very pedantic that Pluto is a dwarf planet, but she loves it anyway.

I won’t watch any show unless there are multiple articles criticizing it for not being woke enough.

Socialists don’t like it when point out how they actually love capitalism.

When you hear “socialist,” many think of a violent state and millions oppressed and starving. But most “socialists” in the US are just harmless morons.

We have about as much chance of ending capitalism as we have of deciding this whole computers thing is just a fad.

Now, if I may weigh in on a contentious issue, I’m fine with just calling a planet any object in our solar system that’s achieved hydrostatic equilibrium (is rounded by its own gravity) but is not massive enough for nuclear fusion.
The current definition of a planet seems rather arbitrary and seems less significant as a science term than something to just direct general public interest, but it’s dumb to pay more attention to Mercury than to the even more fascinating Titan.
Also, it’s stupid to group worlds like Io and Europa with space garbage like S/2017 J 3 under some term like “moons of Jupiter”.
And it is idiotic that the fascinating Pluto and Charon get left out of kids books because they didn’t “clear the neighborhood.” Plus, its unbelievable almost no one has heard of Ceres which is a whole friggin’ planet between Mars and Jupiter.
Anyway, things in our solar system that have achieved hydrostatic equilibrium—that’s what we should pay attention to and kids should know the names of. We don’t have a great term for those now (planemos?), but I’m fine with just calling them planets.

Weren’t there only like two or three votes that weren’t absolutely determined before the Kavanaugh hearings? Why are we even bothering listening to the statements from the other senators?

There better be some solid evidence of wrongdoing before you subject the American people to more SCOTUS hearings.

On one side you have those belittling the accusation and on the other side you have those who already have convicted Kavanaugh, and they’re one in the same in that they don’t really care whether it’s true.

Does anyone not like Rage Against Machine? The music is great and the politics are adorable.

You know, I don’t trust a lot of these politicians.

I don’t get all the focus on Elon Musk being a huge a-hole on Twitter. There’s tons of a-holes on Twitter, but almost none make space rockets. Shouldn’t we gang up on the a-holes who don’t do anything useful first?

If everyone backed up their jerkery on Twitter with making space rockets or something else cool, what a great world we would have.
…though still irritating on Twitter.

I got some pushback on one of my tweets, so I’ll have to file it under “popular takes” instead of “extremely popular takes.”

I love how the best way to establish it takes place in the 90s is to have her crash land in a Blockbuster Video. #CaptainMarvel
Brie Larson seems too adorable to be believable as intimidating, but somehow Gal Gadot pulled it off, so we’ll see.

Usually I don’t like origin stories, but know who would be a great subject? Darth Vader.

I’m used to far-left and far-right grifters and think I understand what they’re all about, but it’s the centrist grifters that creep me out. It’s hard to believe they have an audience, but it’s apparently profitable.

The only interesting things in the Captain Marvel trailer were Blockbuster and her punching an old lady.

The reason Ted Cruz is up 9 points is because he has been spreading rumors his opponent is a Beto-male.

Ketchup: The Condiment for Babies

It’s fair to say none of the Democrats care whether the charges are true; they wanted to stop Kavanaugh regardless and only see it as a tool toward that. A handful of Republicans might care whether or not it’s true, but I might be being Pollyannaish.

Why do Democrats keep running statewide candidates like Wendy Davis and Beto who act like they’re running in some other state than Texas?

“I don’t think we should be selling AR-15s in this country.”
There’s more AR-15s in Texas than Democrats.

It wouldn’t take much for me to presume Kavanaugh is guilty—another witness or just one other allegation about Kavanaugh in the 35 years since—but if you are just assuming he’s guilty at this juncture, you are being a bad person.

An appointment to the Supreme Court is not something to take lightly. A future ruling could be on whether Bert and Ernie are gay.

I’m sorry, but it’s looking like only a 5% chance the next president will be any smarter than Trump.

Planet of the Apes had it right: We need a “forbidden zone” and all the bad things we don’t want people seeing should go there.

It’s nice to know that no matter how partisan or divided things get, we call all agree on one thing: I’m a pretty cool dude.

This confirmation hearing just shows the wisdom of my idea that all Senators should wear clown outfits to help everyone treat them with the appropriate level of seriousness.

I don’t care for Trump.
I didn’t care for Obama.
I give it a less than 1% chance I’m going to like the next guy.

The Kavanaugh hearing has been a get really angry at dumb things competition and everyone’s a winner!

Lots of politicians say things as dumb as Trump, but the difference is some of them have the media conspiring with them on the fool idea we’re supposed to take them seriously.

No one is actually against capitalism.

That Spider-man game is only on PlayStation? Is Trump going to do something about that?

People ask how they can be smart and reasonable about politics like me, but I’m sad to say you can’t. You’re going to get worked up about dumb things and look like a fool to me. It’s inevitable. I’m sorry.

If you want to control who can have guns, you’ll need a lot of guns.

People always say “Tax the rich!” without even giving any consideration to the unintended consequences, such as reducing the effectiveness of Batman.

Anytime I see a Commie, I punch him in the face for being a Nazi.

I’ve decided that everything I don’t like is perjury. Don’t @ me; that would be perjury.

If you come at the king, you best not miss. Otherwise, you’ll get some demeaning nickname like “king misser”.

Seeing all the arguing about the US Open, I realized how peaceful it is to see a contentious issue and feel under no obligation to even know enough to take a side.

Whenever I have a doctors appointment, I watch the doctor carefully to see if he ever idly glances above him for a few seconds so I can ask, “What’s up, doc?” It hasn’t happened yet, but this is how we learn the virtue of patience.

There are now photos of Kavanaugh making 12 cats sit in a box and watch a trial, definitively proving he’s guilty of purr-jury.

Lots of people are terrified of Kavanaugh.
Lots of dogs are terrified of vacuum cleaners.

My 2yo is already very pedantic in that if she mentions Pluto along with the other planets she makes it clear she’s talking about the planets and dwarf planets. If they change it again, I don’t know how how I’d explain that to her. Learning experience!
I bet who is lobbying hard for Pluto to be a planet is Ceres. It will be hard to have a definition of a planet that includes Pluto but not it. New 5th planet from the sun!
Did you know Ceres was considered a planet for like half a century before they came up with the term “asteroid.” I don’t even remember hearing about that one as a kid.

I don’t get the market for yet another book on how the Trump White House is a mess.
“This is something I already intensely believed, and now this book is once again confirming it!”
Oh, I guess that’s most political books.

My 2yo shocked me. I was looking through distant objects we have high-res images of, and when I saw this one, I turned to her and said in my daddy is going to teach you something interesting voice “Do you know what this is?”
And she said what it was. She shut me down.

I would assume it was a lucky guess, but it’s kind of obscure to guess apropos of nothing. Like if she were guessing, I would have expected her to say “Mercury” or “Pluto.” I don’t think I could have guessed it.
I don’t like my kids knowing more than me this early.

I was in Florida on 9/11, and what I remember is the intense desire to do something. Anything. That evening, the American flag outside our complex fell in a storm, so a friend printed out proper folding instructions from the internet and we went out handled it best we could.

Who goes to ThinkProgress for factual information?

How do you secretly tape Trump and not get anything incriminating? He regularly tweets out incriminating things every day.

Little known fact about Taco Bell: It was named after its founder, Glen Taco.

It’s gotten to the point that even when I agree with the mob, I’m happy when the subject won’t back down or apologize. That’s the way it has to be: If you want a positive response, don’t mob.

A good rule of thumb is anyone cheering on the death of a political opponent is someone who in no circumstances you ever want wielding power.

I don’t have any opinion on “monkey this up,” but I did invent a device called the “Up Monkey” — a cannon that fires monkeys (capuchin or smaller) high up into the air. It has no practical use but it’s very popular.

I’ll debate Ted Cruz. I’ll steer every question to The Last Jedi, though. If you liked The Last Jedi, I don’t want your vote.

From what we’ve seen so far, scientists give only a 0.03% chance of that live action Teen Titans show not being terrible.

I thought the only people who read comic books are movie producers.

How are we supposed to know when Democrats really think a Republican is racist versus their almost reflexive calling all Republicans racist?

This was a big problem of theirs with Trump.
“Trump is a huge racist!”
“You mean just like Mitt Romney?”
“Well… um… yeah… but for real this time!”

I don’t know if people really think DeSantis is a racist or their just jumping on him because they have an avenue of attack. It’s impossible to tell. There is no sincerity left at the avenue of partisanship and racism.

Man reads the newspaperIn slow motion we see the In-N-Out cup fall from his handHe frantically scans the newsThe cup collides with ground, spilling soda everywhereWe see the headline “In-N-Out Donates to GOP”Pan in on the cup revealing a Bible verse on its bottom

Ironically, the easiest way these days to get people to act like Nazis towards a group is to convince people that group is a bunch of Nazis. “Those people are Nazis; let’s round them up into camps!” doesn’t sound too ridiculous.

“Monkey” is kind of a dangerous word because it’s a really fun word in most contexts, but it’s always just inches away from being really racist.

Healthcare is a modern privilege.

Why wouldn’t they just have an American cut of First Man where we see the flag planted on the moon accompanied by the theme to Team America?

If I were to rewrite the moon landing, an evil commie would stow aboard the module and Armstrong kicks the commie out the door as they land on the moon and then finishes the commie off by planting the flag on the moon through his chest.

I got some info from an inside source on what happened with the flag scene on First Man. Ends up, they did their research wrong and had Gosling plant the MTV flag when filming. The error wasn’t noticed until editing and by then it was too late and the scene had to be cut.

We don’t even know if it’s scientifically possible for a non-American to go to the moon. It’s never happened.

The actors union would be a great place to try socialism. One actor earning $20 million could be redistributed to give hundreds of struggling actors a living wage.

What baffles me are all the people protective of The Last Jedi. It’s like prequel criticism if Jar Jar Binks were in some protected class no one was supposed to insult.

Good ole Jack Ryan, defeating evil with his wholesome American-ness.

I don’t get the mixed reviews on Jack Ryan; I really liked it. Looked pretty expensive, too.
Jack Ryan has 72% on RottenTomatoes, but it has 90% audience score which seems more correct.

You may not like Trump, but we did a nationwide search for a United States President, and he was the best we could find. So I think you should support him.

Mod Pizza is cool. One price, and all the toppings you want. Gets Fleming family seal of approval.

Pizza almost never occurs naturally in nature. Over 90% of pizza in the world is man made.

I don’t have any opinion on Colin Kaepernick other than that someone once said he looks like Sideshow Bob and now I can’t stop thinking that every time I see him.

A New Yorker festival? Yeah, even Steve Bannon doesn’t deserve to be subjected to that.

I’ve never quite understood what section of the Pledge of Allegiance Colin Kaepernick was protesting, but I’ve always liked his moxie.

There are only two types of people:
1. People I agree with
2. People so terrible that we should shun anyone who is even ever slightly nice to them

Funny how Howard morphed from being the villain in the first season to the one who seems most like an innocent bystander in the series. #BetterCallSaul

So what’s a Handmaid do? Clean hands? That sounds like a pretty easy job. So what’s their problem?

My favorite show right now is Better Call Saul, so if I go to a protest, I’m going to dress up as Nacho.

One thing I feel blessed by is what a rich, peaceful nation we live in despite the fact our government is very very very dumb from top to bottom.

We just shut down the Senate. The whole thing is dumb. I can’t believe we pay any of those people money.

Good political strategy. Corey Booker called Kavanaugh “A no good, yellow-bellied cur!” and when Kavanaugh turned around to sock him, Booker held up a baby so now we have it on video of Kavanaugh punching a baby.

Wearing a shirt is a symbol of white power. If you see anyone wearing a shirt, they’re probably a Ku Klux Nazi.

We have a silly president. He’s a lot of fun. Every day is an adventure.

I have a lot of legal opinions, but unlike a lot of the noisy idiots out there, I don’t bias my opinions by reading books, studying other cases, or even looking up terms I don’t know on Wikipedia.

Being a lawyer in a Mad Max type world would be pretty easy.Mad Max points a sawed off shotgun at a scavenger
“The only law out here is whoever has the gun makes the rules.”I stand behind Max in a one sleeve suit jacket and holding a briefcase
“I can back him up on that.”

Before you yell “Read another book!” at someone who makes a Harry Potter political reference, ask them about S.P.E.W. to make sure they actually read the books and didn’t just see the movies.

I don’t think kids these days understand what a revolution the super soaker was over previous water gun tech. I remember one glorious summer where my brother and I were the only ones at camp with super soakers. It was everyone against us and everyone lost.

I watched that one Elizabeth Warren clip everyone is talking about and my main takeaway is that she looks old.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world his only scandal was wearing a tan suit.

“There are two ways to be a hero…”
Since people keep asking about the Superego sequel, here’s the first chapter to prove it’s being worked on.
I don’t have a title yet. I’ll figure that out as I finish second draft revisions on the whole story.

I’m thinking of being a right-wing grifter. Not for the money, but for the legitimate challenge of explaining how everything Trump does is smart and good.

Just read The Man Who Was Thursday. Not sure I completely understood it, but I understood enough. Fascinating.

All this arguing about politics shows a lot of concern for the welfare of our nation from both sides. This makes me optimistic.

I barely pay attention to new scientific health studies. Considering all the constant contradictions we’ve seen, health science seems hardly more rigorous than social sciences.

We live in the best time in human history, and the reason we complain so much is because we’re ambitious and want things to be even better.

If I were James Bond, I’d introduce myself as “Jond. Bames Jond.” That way if I made a super villain angry, he wouldn’t know my real name to harass me on Twitter and try and get me fired.

The Ready Player One Movie was a lot of dumb fun. Perfect matinee.

There’s a lot of sad people out there so full of hate they often forget their humanity. They think they’re fighting the problem with their hate when they are being emblematic of it. They need prayers, not publicity.

So much of politics these days seems to be people explaining why they’re hate is justified, but it’s your hate that’s always the problem, never the solution.

Every night now before bed I have to take my 2yo out to the front yard so she can look up at the sky and say goodnight to the moon and planets. It’s the greatest thing.

The far right is full of racists. The far left is full of people even more hateful than the racists. Preserving the country means trying our best to make sure neither side wields much power.

Led a Bible study on forgiveness this morning, and I failed on not making a reference to Kingpin. At least I was able to back up “It’s against it” with a specific verse (Matthew 6:15).

With all the hate in politics, it demonstrates what a radical concept “love thy enemy” still is. A lot of people these days think if you don’t hate the right people enough, then you’re not a good person.
I remember dropping the radical concept of “love thy enemy” on my daughter. “Even Team Rocket?!”

Is it possible for someone to be frustrating, but in a good way? Because that’s what John McCain was. But you’re not right all the time, so it’s good to be frustrated. Politics will be more boring without him.

I’m starting a new classical liberal party, and to make sure it doesn’t get ruined, no one other than me is allowed to join.

Showing my daughter Mythbusters. I forgot how watchable that show is. It’s really well-designed to pull you into each experiment.

Anyone who watches that clip of McCain challenging that woman and gets from it “McCain doesn’t like Arabs!” is just like that woman.

The thing with this Plinkett review is attacking The Last Jedi as terrible (which it is, and I don’t get the conspiracy to pretend it isn’t) feel more like a controversial political act than his tearing apart the prequels.

If Louis CK had not done stand up in the past 10 years or does a routine every night nearby I wouldn’t know. I don’t quite get why it’s so important to so many.

I wonder if modern stand up has thought about doing some jokes about Trump. There’s probably a bit or two there.

Million dollar idea: Socks that don’t absorb water

I thought a really insightful for part of The Last Jedi Plinkett review was the suggestion of where it should have ended. If they had ended it there, I would have been really curious about the sequel instead of meh.
There were a number of things Episode VII intrigued we with that made me anticipate VIII, but then VIII just stomped all over that and left basically nothing left.
Eh. At some point we should be done talking about the The Last Jedi (though presumably not until after XI), but I just want to reiterate it was a bad movie and if you claim to like it you should feel bad.

I enjoyed Disenchantment. No where near as good as Futurama, but I’m looking forward to the second part.
It did have a “too many sociopaths” problem. I saw the main trio compared to Fry, Leela, and Bender, but it really seemed more like Fry, Bender, and Bender+. They’ll need to work on making Bean more sympathetic. I’m fine with Luci having no redeeming qualities, though.
Favorite joke was a throwaway line from I think the second episode.
“I’m not here to answer cat questions!” How is that not a GIF already?

What if instead of obtaining one of the 400 million guns already in this country someone spends thousands of dollars printing a semi-reliable one? What then?!

I would watch a Better Call Saul spin off of the Mike the safety inspector, just an hour of him subtly berating people.