Somehow I manage to make it through the next 36 hours without seeing James or Miller. I would also like to congratulate myself on not crying… that much, and not breathing a word of anything to anyone. Maybe staying quite is an unpopular, and probably unwise, decision but I really don’t care. I don’t think I could handle it and it would only freak Alvie out if I told her she might be PREGNANT.

Shit. What if she is? Like ‘with child’ and all that.

Uncle Blaise will totally lose his shit.

Alvie will lose her head if her dad hears a word of this.

So will James.

So will I.

Basically we’re all going to die.

So, happy endings all round really.

I lie on my bed staring at the canopy above. Everyone else is at dinner so I don’t have to see or speak to anyone.

Charlotte trots into the room, hair as red as autumn leaves.

“Hey, ‘sup?”

She hops onto my bed, peppy as ever.

Why do I surround myself with overly peppy people? I’ll never be one of them.

“Not now, Red.”

She stands up and starts to jump on my bed for no apparent reason.

“Errggghhhhh. Get off.” I moan. Pulling a pillow on top of my head.

“Dance with me!” Suddenly there’s music.

“To the left, to the left. Oooo.”

“Really, Char. Stop.”

“Everything you own in the box to the left. In the closet that’s my stuff! Yes if I bought, it please don’t touch, don’t touch!”

I can’t deal with her singing right now. I get off the bed, throwing the pillow at her while she sings into a hairspray can on my bed. I lock myself in the bathroom but I can hear her outside the door. I lie down in the bath because it’s like my bed. Only cold and hollow and really not like my bed at all. More like my heart.

“You must not know ‘bout me!”

“SHUT UP!”

“I could have another you, by tomorrow!”

There’s the rattle of the locks and the door flies open.

“Baby drop them keys! Hurry up before your taxi leaves!”

I honestly think I might cry at this point.

I decide the only way around this is to sit it out.

“BECAUSE YOU’VE MADE YOUR BED NOW LAY IN IT!” She’s fully into this now I’ll be honest, and it’s pretty scary. I just close my eyes and grind my teeth, hoping it’ll end soon.

Charlotte can't sing for shit.

“Are you quite finished?”

She clears her throat like that last note might have pained her.

“Yes.” She croaks and sits on the edge of the tub. “Now, what’s wrong with you, sunshine?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong, this is how I usually am.”

“Erm, yeah, ok, face ache.”

“Shut the door.” I roll my eyes and she does so obediently. “Promise you wont say a word to anyone.”

Out of all of us in the dorm, I would say that Charlotte is the most dependable and loyal. Not that the other girls aren’t, but I could tell Charlotte I shot someone and she’d just swallow it like a pill and move on.

I guess I’m pretty lucky because I get on with all the girls in my dorm, especially lucky because I’m in the same dorm as my best friend. We’re all friends; we all have our roles to play.

Charlotte – The loyal one

Raven – The cynical one

Saffi – The studious one

Alvie – The peppy one

Me – The scary one

We’re a bit like the Spice Girls, really.

I’d be scary spice, obviously, Charlotte would be ginger spice, Alvie would be sporty spice, Saffi would be baby spice and that would leave Raven to be posh.

Ok, not entirely accurate but in terms of ‘categorise yourself as a Spice Girl’ it’s about as close as we’re going to get.

“He’saskedmetobehisgirlfriendandIhaven’tsaidyesbutIhaven’tsaidnoeither.” I burble.

“Again in English, please?”

“I’m going to be his girlfriend.” I decide to make this easier for all of us because I plan on telling him I will be the next time I see him… Maybe.

“Oh. Well, congrats!” She smiles and I try to smile too but it probably looks a little weird.

“Thanks.”

“So,” She clicks her fingers, “back to that story you were telling me.”

“Oh, right,” I take a deep breath, “you know Alvie wants James, right?” I feel like I’m being psycho analysed because I’m lying down and she’s sitting next to me, asking me about all my deep secrets.

“Who doesn’t?”

I don’t know if she means ‘who doesn’t want James?’ or ‘who doesn’t know that Alvie wants James?’. I decide she must be talking about Alvie because smut really isn’t Char’s style. “James... And Albus, it would appear.”

I start to babble but it appears that Char already knows a lot of the info regarding Albus and Alvie, all that shiz.

“James has been tutoring me for potions and…” I can’t meet her eye here. It’s partly embarrassment but also shame because Alvie is my bestestest friend forever and I’ve sort of betrayed her. Char will understand this because she knows we’re best friends, I mean I’m friends with her too but we’ve kind of paired off. Me and Alvie, Char and Saffi and Raven is best friends with some Hufflepuff that I don’t know.

“GUYS!” There’s a battering on the door that interrupts my story, thankfully. “Cass! I need to talk to you!” More hammering on the door, Christ, it’s like the fucking Hulk is trying to get in here.

I sigh and Red opens the door.

“Ok. So I need to talk to you, now. Why are you in the bath?” Her head drops to the side like a puppy’s does.

Instead of chatting in a normal place like normal people, Charlotte leaves and Alvie replaces her, shutting the door behind her, sitting on the side of the bath that’s probably still warm from where Char had been sitting.

“Did you get your period yet?” She asks and I sit up.

“Yeah, yesterday. Why?”

“I didn’t.” She looks confused and I’m sure my face pales. I hope Alvie will just think I’m embarrassed, although I know she won’t because I’ve never been embarrassed about this stuff.

I get why she’s asking because no matter what anyone says, I swear to Merlin our cycles have synced. Probably because we’re like attached at the hip, I don’t know, I just know that that’s the way it’s always been.

“Are you early?”

“No.”

“You don’t think…”

“I try not to think. Especially if it’s about what you’re going to say.”

There’s eye contact where she thinks we’re both thinking the same thing but really we’re not. Well, we are kind of, but not completely.

She ties her hair up into a bun. It’s not really a bun though; most of her hair still falls down her back in beautiful black waves.

She’s fucking glowing already.

She stares at the wall for a few seconds then swallows, pushes some hair from her face, “It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine tomorrow.” She mutters to herself, convincing herself, before she turns to me.

“Miller’s been looking for you.”

“Has he?” Like I don’t already know.

“Asked if you’d meet him in the common room tonight.”

I nod. “What time?”

“Eight. Why weren’t you at dinner?”

“Cramp.” I lie smoothly.

She just nods her understanding and we go to leave the bathroom.

I grab her hand when it lands on the brass handle. “Are you sure you’re ok? Do you want me to get you something?” I leave that ‘something’ open to interpretation.

“Oh God, I’ll be fine. I’ll just,” She shakes her head, this is killing her and I know it but she’s trying to look strong, like she always does. “I’ll talk to Albus. Joyyy.” She smiles at me and I surprise us both by drawing her into a tight hug.

“I love you.” I surprise us both again when I say this. I don’t know why I’m saying it, I guess its guilt and hormones and a bad mix of no food or sleep.

She pats my back awkwardly, “I erm, I love you too, sweetheart.”

I choke as a laugh makes its way up my throat.

“Stop trying to be all sentimental.” She laughs too and we leave the room.

“I erm,” I look at him and hope he knows what I’m going to say because I don’t want to have to spell it out.

“Oh. Right. Ok. I get it.” He clears his throat and looks away. He doesn’t know what I mean.

I sigh and lean over to him, my face close to his but he’s still facing away from me, his delicate cheeks flushing from what he thinks is rejection.

“Oreo?” He turns to me and his pupils dilate when he seems me so close. I close the distance between us, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. “I erm, I want, er…”

“Cass? Will you be my girlfriend?”

I bite my lips and nod softly, his green eyes looking deep into my soul, “Yes.” We kiss and I curl into his side, “I though you were going to make me spell it out for you. Prick.”

“Would I do something like that?” I give him a straight-faced look, he laughs.

I lay my head on his shoulder and he plays with wisps of my blonde hair.

While we sit like this I forget about everything I’m supposed to be worrying about.

About Alvie, about James, about me, about Alvie and about Albus. I forget that I’ll have to ask Alvie if she ate the lozenge. And that I’ll have to ask her if she and Albus used protection, that is once she finds out from Albus. I’m assuming that’s what she meant when she said she’d talk to him. That I’ll have to tell her she’s pregnant, that I knew before she did, that it might not even be Albus’s that it might not even be hers. That it may in fact, be James’s and mine.

That if it is, she’ll have to tell Albus that it isn’t his; she’ll have to do something about it. Would James and I have to make a decision, seen as Alvie would be more of a vessel in this situation?

When did my life turn into such a fucking drama?

And if it is the case that Alvie is pregnant with mine and James’s baby does that mean I’d be sort of pregnant too? That soon I’d be a mother? I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t want a baby. I don’t want James to be the father of my child. Especially not since I’ve just agreed to be Orion’s girlfriend.

But even if that were the case would I even get a say? Maybe Alvie would want to keep it. She loves James and all. If she was expecting his baby he’d have to be involved, maybe grow to love her in the same way that she loves him. She’d raise my child as her own.

Alvie and James.

Alvera Potter.

They’d get married and have more kids. Pretend the first was hers too.

Could I cope with that? I couldn’t cope with that.

A tear slides down my cheek and I find myself sobbing a little bit.

“Shh.” Oreo pulls me into his chest and I hold him like a newborn baby holds their mother. Like if I just lay here forever it would all go away, cease to exist as a problem.

Being ripped away from this tranquil place would be like being ripped out of a womb. How I imagine a baby feels. It’s nice in there. Like a holiday, then one day someone cuts you off from everything you once knew and throws you to the wolves and expects you to cope.

“Why are you crying?” He strokes my hair.

“I have cramp.” I say and I do a little bit. But mostly the tears are due to the complete and utter inner turmoil that’s currently ravaging my mind.

I decide I can’t do this. James will have to tell her. I can’t.

I’m eating breakfast; unable to sleep I came down early. Dom hops onto the bench opposite me. I look up at her; I don’t bother to try to smile.

“Morning, sleepy head.” She says, grabbing toast. “You ok?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” I say like this will explain why I’m currently making a house out of toast and my face looks like a smacked arse.

“Hm. Me either, Addison asked me to go to Hogsmead with him this weekend, but…” Dom trails off when someone else catches her attention. I turn and see that she’s staring at Mason Cole.

Surprise surprise.

“Dom!” I click my fingers in front of her face and she snaps out of her daze.

“Yeah. So, I don’t know if I’m going to go. I mean he’s cute and all but he’s not boyfriend material.” She has this look on her face like she’s contemplating it.

“I mean I just don’t see me being with him, like going for lunch, dates in the library, you know, that whole deal.”

“Yeah, he’s a bit bland.”

“Yup.”

Surprising as it might be, Dom’s actually a virgin. You’d be shocked how many people think she’s a total slut. But really she’s completely innocent, looking for love in all the wrong places. All Dom wants is to love and be loved, which makes me kind of sad since she gets hurt easily because of this.

Dom is saving herself for the one. Stupidly, I didn’t. Kind of wishing I had now because let me tell you, there is nothing fun about losing your virginity to one of your brothers friends at his birthday party, not remembering it the next day until you find that huge red stain on the bed sheets. Not pretty.

It’s fair to say we weren’t in love and equally as fair to say that he couldn’t have left the room quick enough after he’d done the deed.

“I have to tell you something.” I say quickly, seeing a problem approaching us with huge strides.

“Please don’t tell me you blew another one of your tutors.”

“What? No. I never mix business with pleasure.” I can’t help but joke.

She laughs. “But seriously, Dom. Don’t react.”

She looks straight at me. I have like five seconds to finish this sentence.

“I’m going out with Orion.”

She’s about to open her mouth and probably slap me too, but he plonks himself down beside me and his arm is around my waist before his bum has even touched the wood.

“Morning,” He looks at me and I look at him, give him a smile and we share a sweet kiss. It crosses my mind that he might just be kissing me because Dom’s there and he has to prove a point, like a dog pissing on a tree.

I don’t want to be pissed on.

Too late now, I guess.

Or maybe he’s just kissing me because he thinks he has to, not because he wants to. I try not to think too hard because after everything that’s happened I’m beginning to question why anyone would want anything to do with me at all, let alone kiss me and agree to spend time with me.

“Dom.” He looks at her and she shakes her head and sighs.

“Is this just something I’ll have to get used to?”

He nods. I look at my plate.

“You’re here early.” He says, brushing a hand through his velvety chocolate locks.

“Couldn’t sleep.” I admit.

“Are you feeling ok? I can go get you something if you want? Do you need anything?”

Sweet or just overly attentive? I can’t decide. I think maybe he just wants to prove that he can be anything I want him to be, but the only thing I want him to be right now is quiet, because I have a banging headache.

“I’m fine. Thanks.” I try my best to smile sweetly at him; he nods and gets to work piling food on his plate.

“Are you going to watch the Gryff/Huff match today?” Dom asks.

“Suppose so. Not as if there’s anything else to do around here.”

“I can think of something.” Oreo whispers, obviously not quiet enough though because Dom starts to gag and put a finger in her mouth like this is the most disgusting this ever.

“Raven’s gone to see Georgie. Alvie should be coming down now.” Char answers, grabbing a muffin. Georgie is Raven’s best friend. Sweet blonde Hufflepuff, nothing to write home about.

As for Alvie, my best guess? She’s spewing her guts up as we eat.

“As long as she’s not late for herb.” Saffi adds, face still in the book.

Everyone leaves for their respective lessons, apart from James, Oreo and I.

Surprisingly the boys seem to be getting on well, or maybe they’re just pretending. I couldn’t tell. Alvie didn’t show up for breakfast, I intend to check the dorm after these two knuckleheads leave because I have a free.

“Well, I’d best be going. I’ll see you for lunch?” Oreo says and I smile and nod.

He kisses my cheek and hops off the bench, his broad chest leaving my right side feeling chilly.

“Did you ask her?” James asks as soon as Oreo is gone.

“No. You’ll have to do it. I can’t. James, I’m buggin’ out here.”

“You are! What about me? I don’t want to be a dad!”

“Please,” I scoff, “You probably already are. The girls probably didn’t tell you because they don’t want to believe that you’re the father of their child.” I may have over stepped the mark here, but I was only joking. If he’s hurt by my joke he doesn’t show it. “Anyway, we don’t know anything for definite yet. It might be Albus’s.”

“WHAT!” James bellows. There are a few first years around, finishing breakfast, but they scatter like mice.

My eyes shift around the room. Ooops. Guess James didn’t know about that one.

Shit.

“Erm. Well you know… he’s a good looking boy.” I shrug like I’m trying to pass it off like it was just a stupid comment.

“Cassiopeia, if you don’t tell me what’s going on, so help me Merlin, I’m going to pour this porridge over your head.”

The porridge head threat.

He wouldn’t.

Would he?

He lifts the bowl. I squeal and put my hands over my head, on top of my messy blonde mop and shut my eyes.

“Ok! OK!”

I open one eye and he lowers the bowl.

“Spill.”

So I do. I tell him about the party, forgetting to mention that the only real reason she did it was because she was trying to get his attention. His hazel eyes go wide and he drags a hand through his dark, almost black hair.

“No.” He sighs, “I probably would have seen, I don’t know. I was pretty drunk too, I don’t really remember much.” I take this like a brick to the stomach.

I feel like I’ve swallowed a chair.

Should this hurt so much? We’ve kissed since then but that time it felt like it really meant something. And James doesn’t even remember.

Obviously it was just the firewhisky.

James shakes his head. “I can’t believe this, Al never told me.”

I don’t quite know what to say, not that I could have said anything seen as my tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth after James’s confession.

“I’m going to go practice for the game tonight. I need to clear my head. Can you just talk to Alvie, please?” When he looks at me it’s like he’s looking at a child, an incompetent child, like he’s annoyed that he’ll have to do everything.

Although this isn’t the case.

I nod, still speechless.

Huffing and shaking his head all the way out of the hall, I watch him go before I plod off to the Slytherin common in search of Alvie.

I open the door to our dorm gently in case she’s sleeping, if she’s there at all.