Occasionally my students asked me about how I got published after I got my MFA, and the answer usually disappointed them. After I received my degree in 1999, I spent seven years writing work that no one has ever read—two novels and a book’s worth of stories totaling about 1,500 final draft pages. These unread pages are my most important work because they’re where I applied what I’d learned from my workshops and the books I read, one sentence at a time. Those seven years spent in obscurity, with no attempt to share my work with anyone, were my training, and they are what allowed me to eventually write books that got published. We’ve been trained to turn to our phones to inform our followers of our somewhat witty observations. I think the instant validation of our apps is an enemy to producing the kind of writing that takes years to complete. That’s why I advise anyone serious about writing books to spend at least a few years keeping it secret. If you’re able to continue writing while embracing the assumption that no one will ever read your work, it will reward you in ways you never imagined.

It’s great to live by the spirit, to testify day by day for eternity, only what’s spiritual in people’s minds. But sometimes I’m fed up with my spiritual existence. Instead of forever hovering above I’d like to feel a weight grow in me to end the infinity and to tie me to earth. I’d like, at each step, each gust of wind, to be able to say “Now.” Now and now” and no longer “forever” and “for eternity.” To sit at an empty place at a card table and be greeted, even by a nod.

Enter The Void has come up so many times this week, for the most disparate reasons, to the motliest of crües.

One of those films that I’d never say was a favorite but changed something in me. Constantly referencing it. Nothing quite like it. If, as I posit, More Ambitious > More Crafted then it should lay higher on my list of influences/loves.

The choices we make: these two songs should never be played apart. It makes me crazy when just one plays on shuffle. Or wait. Can part 2 be played independently? Or do you need to hear the drum d/evolution from part 1? The crescendo of pt 1 has to evolve into the thesis of the entirety of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy found in part 2. But maybe part 2 is sustainable enough on its own to live on its own. I can’t decide. I am unsure of what choice I would make if I were Kanye (a fun game to play; I recommend this game).

I know this is the best ending to an album since the suite at the end of Abbey Road. #opinions, I know. But they are mine.

Can’t help to think about the importance of choices and of endings: my first serious voice teacher told me not to worry if I made a mistake auditioning for college conservatories. “Just nail the high notes and endings. All anyone remembers is high notes and endings.”

This philosophy rules my everything.

Kanye still wins my album progression game. (but for my purposes, Maria Callas probs nails the *yo I fucked up but CHECK OUT THIS HIGH NOTE* game)

"I find joy in a wine’s efforts to express itself and its place of origin. It’s like a live musical performance: Do you want a note-for-note rendition of a recorded piece? Or do you want to see where a band’s unfettered inspiration takes it, for better or worse? I know what I prefer." - Eric Asimov, "The Romance of Wine"

"It’s my belief that history is a wheel. Inconstancy is my very essence, says the wheel. Rise up on my spokes if you like but don’t complain when you’re cast back down into the depths. Good times pass away, but then so do the bad. Mutability is our tragedy, but it’s also our hope. The worst of times, like the best, are always passing away."- Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy

If you’re lucky, and healthy, and live in a country where you have enough to eat and no fear that you’re going to get shot when you walk out your door, life is an endless series of choosing between two things you want almost equally. And you have to evaluate and determine which awesome thing you want infinitesimally more, and then give up that other awesome thing you want almost exactly as much. You have to trade awesome for awesome.

It is yeast that breaks down the grapes. It is yeast that transforms the sugar in the grapes into alcohol. And then it is the alcohol in the wine that kills all of the yeast…but it is the yeast that gave birth to the wine. This is a beautiful life lesson. We realize that we’re all part of the same universe, and we have a need for all of its powers.

"…I’m not a believer in ahimsa, the doctrine of nonviolence; we must learn how to fight for what matters to us. Our body knows how to fight, and if it stops; we’re dead. Before my therapy and my decision to stop being a victim, I was sick all the time. I very seldom get sick now."

…When we are dancing we are not aiming to arrive at a particular place on the floor as in a journey. When we dance, the journey itself is the point, as when we play music the playing itself is the point. And exactly the same thing is true in meditation. Meditation is the discovery that the point of life is always arrived at in the immediate moment.

Whether the Borgesian protagonist was exploring labyrinths, temples, or his own mind, these stories always touched upon the same themes – the overwhelming complexity of the world’s information, the incomprehensible machinations of memory, and the deep mysteries of dreams. (via Google Doodle Archive: 8/24/11: 112th Birthday of Jorge Luis Borges)

We were underdogs, we knew only heartbreak and loss: how could I be expected to shift, practically overnight, to an attitude of entitlement? There was an Edenic weirdness to the whole thing, the same feeling that must have dogged Adam after Eve’s arrival: what should I wish for now? What should I want? I wanted the Red Sox to win the World Series more than anything in the world…until they crushed the Yankees in truly historic fashion and swept the Cardinals, and then I wanted everything to go back to the way it was, so that I would know who I was, what made me, and what it was I’d always wanted.

The Boston Red Sox, an activity and an interest. Not a devotion to be suffered. Not a solemn vow in the off-season. Not a memorial to a dead man. Not a calling beyond reason. Just an interest. I take an interest in when they play, whether home or away, whether they win or lose—things like that. Maybe read about it in the paper the next morning. Millions of others like me, taking an interest. Not “Coronaries and Rehabilitations.” Not “Dedications and Forfeitures.” Not “Life and Death.” “Activities and Interests.” This was how it was presented, in terrifying simplicity. What it was all reduced to, the thirty years, and the stupid tears, and every extra inning. An activity and an interest.

Last week I spent some time in France for my birthday. I hope to always be in Paris on my birthday for the rest of my life. There, I said it. I turned 36, the last square number-ed age for a while. So I collected six of my favorite sixes in celebration.

I openly embrace the label of bad feminist… I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy. I’m not trying to be an example. I am not trying to be perfect. I am not trying to say I have all the answers. I am not trying to say I’m right. I am just trying — trying to support what I believe in, trying to do some good in this world, trying to make some noise with my writing while also being myself: a woman who loves pink and likes to get freaky and sometimes dances her ass off to music she knows, she knows, is terrible for women and who sometimes plays dumb with repairmen because it’s just easier to let them feel macho than it is to stand on the moral high ground.

That trip sensitized me to the idea that solo diners could be an important part of our business and should be welcomed accordingly. When I thought about how much time and care I put into choosing where to take myself to dinner, and how often I recommended those places that treated me well (and conversely, how strongly I warned everyone off the inhospitable ones), I knew that treating solo diners as royalty was both the right thing to do and smart business…I have always felt that solo guests pay us the ultimate compliment by joining us for a meal. Their visit has no ulterior motive (it involves no business, romance, or socializing). These guests simply want to do something nice for themselves, chez nous. Why wouldn’t we reward that?

“What caused the problem with movie theaters is not Netflix, but YouTube,” (Antonelli) says. “What is making the old temples crumble is not smaller temples, but it’s rather this kind of polytheism—you know, you make your own gods.” Which means that museums “really have to help people do their own form of art. And when you say art, it’s not Plasticine sculptures anymore, but it may be a spoken word.”

laid back person
(honest) ..
a good listener ….
love a person with a sense
of humor and witty

thankful to wake up
every day i love being around my
family on a regular baias ….i am
just looking for a good friend cause
some times you need a diffent opoin
or view
coming from a family
witch are mostly men is hard …

I can filter out who reaches
the superficial side of things
in your bedroom.
If you are athletic
If you are going to get your MBA
not in school
have a fathead
family-orientated.
(not your own kids, but brothers/sisters, etc)
I have worked hard
But, alas,
I really did not do much.

I am an easy
going preson who loves
to explore new things.
I like making friends
and my friends enjoy
my company. I am willing to share
with and to learn from you
as much as
I am willing to
show you my life.

(This was sent to me with every sentence given its very own line break. This is more complicated. Enjambment for everyone!)

You seem like a very interesting and exciting.
You did a great job. I’m not the best
writer there is so be patient and let me
know how I did. Hopefully I don’t come
off to unpolished.

I would consider myself to be well
grounded and diverse and
very well rounded. A very Understanding and
thoughtful man with a touch of old
fashioned chivalry.
I try to stay healthy and
live a fun fun a
healthy lifestyle.

Want to find a WOMAN who is my best friend and can make me LAUGH HISTERECLY,
A woman who is hilarious and can make my sides split,
A funny woman that has a slightly skewed sense of humor.
I think a woman who is confident and secure is sexy,
A women who feels it’s important to take care of her body.

I have yet to find, but Am WILLING TO WAIT FOR!!!!

I’m looking woman who is able to communicate.
able to enjoy each others company in any setting or situation.

I am a good guy. And HONEST man with
solid set of values and principles. Other than that
I love my life.
I’m a guys guy, w/ a soft side,
probably should been born in the 50’s, very
passionate in everything I do.

Enjoy Laughing People watching Cooking
Fishing working out. building bikes
I love going out to diner.

PLZZ respect the age range.. For the love of God. 62. 59, on and on.
HONESTy is a biggie.

I know how to treat a lady.
I like holding the door for her,
taking her out to dinner,
and bringing her flowers.
Please
be height/weight proportional,
cute smile and warm heart.
If you need financial help,
I should be more thank happy
to give you a hand.

With the caveat that pointing out the spelling errors of others is at best bad etiquette and at worst classist/culturally illiterate, here is a cheat sheet for some folks that I will not be responding to:

On Valentine's Day I found myself wandering into a Mexican - French Bistro on 1st. How could I resist two of my favorite foods? Epazote is housed in the former Pitch & Fork space -- one of those bars I had one bad date with and promised I'd never go back. I blame myself for its closing. Sorry guys! Anyway, I'll be back to Epazote a lot.

Alas, the second I sat down I had that thing where I thought I was hungry, but the menu came and I suddenly wasn't. However, I can always find room for guacamole, and of course it is made tableside at Epazote.

I also had a few of the Epazote Cocktails, which were quite delicious. It was like a less- sweet version of a margarita, but with mezcal, so the flavor was a bit smoky, too. They went down a bit too easy for me. I got into a great conversation with one of the cooks, who is also from Mexico. It was delicious!

The decor is very cool. It was a super comfortable place to have a pit stop. The rest of the menu looks amazing, and their brunch specials were well priced. I wished I had the appetite for them. I'll be back.

A spate of cocktail joints have opened up on the UES which have brought with them some destination crowds. A few months ago I tried to get into The Gilroy, a good old standbye but not my favorite of the bunch (RIP JBird), which was packed. I cursed the New Yorker. Nevertheless, glad that folks are coming uptown to see the neib. It's fantastic, and The Gilroy is a fine introduction.

For my purposes, I still like to have my small 4 block radius of watering holes I can pop into wherever (Kaia, ABV, Third Ave Ale House, The Gifford Inn, etc etc) and meet with friends. When I saw that The Milton was opening up, I couldn't resist their font treatment. I popped in for their excellent happy hour specials, and stayed for a glass of Montepulciano.

The owner, a hospitality profesh with a fine Irish brogue, chatted me up as I read at the bar. He's definitely interested in cultivating a band of "regulars," and he lives somewhere in the E 70's. Neighborhood folk opening neighborhood bars, as it should be forever and ever amen. He's added lots of fun homey touches as well (really the exposed brick is half of it, but the UES hipster bar aesthetic seems to tend towards "stay a while" which I very much appreciate in winter months), like flower pots and favorite books. It's a nice surprise to walk in. I cannot yet vouch for their cocktails, but they seem to have a decent selection of wine and beer, so it's an easy thumbs up from me. Also: classy signage. Bonus points all around. Since there is no TV and medium din, it's perfect for reading alone.

Can't wait to drag someone here for brunch (instead of Sarabeths. I am so fricking basic with brunch).

Had a delightful study session at DTUT yesterday. The name is referencing "DownTown UpTown" allegedly, but it reminds me more of the Etsy spirit of certain sections of Brooklyn. All of the coffee cups are homemade, and the coffee isn't bad either!

I need to come back some time this week for a cup of tea or maybe a glass of wine. They have a full bar back there as well, which is useful for that moment when one is writing and there appears a need to switch from one vice to the next.

May 03, 14

Curbed has a walking tour of Upper East Side mansions. Some amazing historical architecture, which is one of the reasons I think I'll be sticking around up here in the nosebleeds.