Super Size Me: 16 Massive and Mini Computers

In the world of computers, size does matter. Both ways.

Computers, like people, come in all shapes and sizes. Except you've never seen people who tip the scales at 200-plus tons. Or expand so radically they essentially cover the earth. Or shrink so small they're no longer visible.

Or have you? If so, put down the medication. Immediately. And seek help. Lots and lots of help.

And then come back and continue reading. For today we're going to look at the extremes. The smallest. The fattest. The most grandiose. And all things between—including a couple of quick jaunts down memory lane that'll have you pining for the innocent days of olde.

Like a contestant on The Biggest Loser, we'll start big and go small. And what better way to lead off than with the glove-covering giant some out-of-the-box thinkers claim is the biggest computing setup ever designed.

SETI@homeIn a project known as SETI@home (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence), computers planet-wide lend their idling CPUs to the search for interplanetary life. Arguably the foremost example of distributed computing, SETI is already acknowledged by the Guinness crowd as the largest computation in history.

AN/FSQ-7Some say the AN/FSQ-7 computer was the largest ever built. And we believe them. Developed for the SAGE (Semi-Automatic Ground Environment) air defense program in the 1950s, the AN/FSQ-7 was primarily an IBM concoction featuring no less than 60,000 vacuum tubes and weighing a foundation-crushing 250 tons. Needless to say, merely powering and cooling the beast was an engineering feat. That there were dozens of these hulking monsters loitering throughout the U.S. only adds to its lore.

@Tokyo Corporation Data CentreHow does 1.4 million square feet of data center strike you? A whole pile of baloney? A monument to digital excess? Yet such facilities are here and you'd better get used to it, especially if this Internet thing ever takes off. To its credit, the @Tokyo facility is actually quite a looker from an architectural sense. A circular building, a dramatic hallway entrance…what more could you want from a super-sized computer box?

Could there be a nobler cause than aiding the world's most intelligent aquatic animal? Except Project Dolphin isn't about dolphins. It is, instead, the code name for a server/solar farm. A gargantuan server/solar farm erected by Apple, Inc. in the North Carolina wilderness. Like everything Apple, it's annoyingly hush-hush (*cough* iCloud), though we do know it usurps 170 acres and 500,000 square feet of interior space. Even Google has relented, including it in its most recent Maps revision.

Fujitsu KWhen a computer is born, it wants nothing more than to grow up and really be something. Trust us on that, okay? And in the case of Japan's K Supercomputer—not to be confused with the far smaller K Car—those childhood dreams have been realized. Just this month blitzing the 10 petaflop mark (a blinding 10 quadrillion calcs per second), K is the fastest supercomputer ever birthed, featuring more than a half million CPU cores and 672 really big computer racks. Mmm…big racks.

SequioaThe behemoth that is Japan's K Computer will soon have a contender—a serious contender—in the world's fastest supercomputer sweepstakes. And by the time it's all over, there's a good chance K will be flat on the canvas looking up as the new champ hums "Eye of the Tiger." The new kid in town is called Sequoia. It hails from IBM, it'll double K's 10 petaflop performance, and it's built like War Games' WOPR to calculate nuclear weapons simulations. Grab one for yourself in 2012.

IBM System/360Remember when room-filling mainframes were the cat's meow and the mere notion of a computer that fit on a desk was the dream of madmen? No? Er…ahem…neither do we. Nevertheless, such was the case in the Cold War era, when IBM's System/360 was the slickest corporate toy going. Big Blue ultimately dropped a whopping $5 billion on the rollout of the world's first modular mainframe, and recovered in the neighborhood of $2 million per. And IBM, once again, made bags of cashola.

Compaq PortableGranted, Compaq's first-ever laptop is but a microscopic speck compared to a supercomputer or a 1950s-era mainframe. Yet at a shoulder-crippling 28 pounds and looking more like a 'roid-enhanced Samsonite than the glorified calculator it was, the Compaq Portable clearly extended the definition of "portable" to heretofore unseen lengths. That said, a computer you could move anywhere way back in the dinosaur days of 1983 was a miraculous achievement.

Apple 1Ask a hundred burned-out Silicon Valley veterans to name the world's first PC, and you'll likely get a dozen different answers. Was it the one that looked like a homemade audio amp or the one that burst into flame every time it booted? One thing is sure—there was a movement in the 70s to shrink computers. And it was 1976's Apple 1, inside its rustic wooden box and featuring a keyboard instead of toggle switches that, in retrospect, most proved the staying power of miniaturization.

IdeaCentre Q180Though not quite as riveting as a wooden PC, Lenovo's latest pint-sized IdeaCentre PC is notable because 1) It's current, 2) It's hailed by the company as the world's smallest desktop PC, and 3) It's chump change at a starting MSRP of $350. No bigger than a few packs of gum, the Q180 sports goodies such as a 2.13 GHz Atom CPU, 4GB RAM, and a 500GB hard drive. Game-capable video card optional. Hey, since when could you lose a PC inside a jacket pocket?

Ericsson R380 SmartphoneAesthetically displeasing (okay, downright ugly) and never a best-seller, Ericsson's R380 Smartphone, circa 2000, signaled a turning point in the portability of computing. A truly lightweight rig that made voice calls and added PDA functions, email, and a big display, it was also the first device dubbed a "smartphone" and the first anything to run the Symbian OS. Soon, handheld computers will likely be our only personal computers. And the R380 fired the first shot.

Raspberry PiRaspberry pie is yummy and it's loaded with all those wholesome raspberries. Raspberry Pi is also good for you, especially if you're a kid living in Britain. You see, this Pi is a USB drive-sized computer that will purportedly be in the hands of zillions of British tots in the months hence, and the world thereafter. The goal? To put fun back into tech. The means to that goal? We're not quite sure. The cost? A mere $25 for the barebones base module. And it runs Quake III. Yay!

Cotton CandyIf the mere thought of cotton candy triggers a zit attack, you are not alone. But put down that Clearasil and back away from the mirror. FXI's Cotton Candy is sweet only because it does all the Raspberry Pi can do and more—in an equally tiny format. A 1.2GHz ARM Cortex A9 CPU, 1GB RAM, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, HDMI, and a Micro SD card reader, all wrapped up in a USB drive? Sign us up. Wait. It's eight times the price of the Pi? We'll think about it. And eat. Some candy. And pi.

MactiniThe size of a quarter and featuring a single-button, morse code-style keyboard—a "z" being 26 clicks and a dash being a four-second hold, a two-second pause, and a "rat-a-tat-tat" sequence of strokes—the MacTini, easily the smallest laptop ever, debuted in 2009. Sound…weird? Others thought so too, until they realized the Mactini was merely comedian Peter Serafinowicz's ode to Apple simplification. Months later, The Onion unleashed its brilliant Macbook Air parody.

Phoenix ChipA millimeter. The thickness of a dime. And if scientists at the U of Michigan have their way, the size of the next, great, ridiculously tiny computer. Of course, the Phoenix Chip really stretches the definition of a "computer" (a matching mouse would be sub-microscopic), but the basic guts—processor, memory, battery—are present and accounted for. Developed as an eye implant for glaucoma patients, the Phoenix Chip may be the gateway to more bad-ass micro-computing down the pike.

Max Shulaker's CircuitsIs silicon, the basis of the entire tech industry for a half century, falling out of fashion? Nanotechnology, you see, works on a molecular scale, and that means miniaturization far beyond anything we've seen to date. In a lab at Stanford University, a scientist by the name of Max Shulaker is currently "growing" atomic-scale carbon nanotubes, with which he then creates circuits—the bedrock of tech. Can the full-blown implanted PC be far behind?