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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Just over a year ago I left the most fulfilling and probably themost difficult job I've had so far. My two years of full-time nannying came to an end. When I would think about how it would be to leave I came to two conclusions about how I would deal with it. 1 being that I would totally shut down my emotions and not really feel much at all and 2 that I would become a complete basket-case and melt into a sobbing mess.

Truth be told, I did both. Which is why still a year later I am just now posting this.

When I left their house on my last night all was fine. I said good bye, knowing that I would be back often and the love was still there. But as I drove away I completely melted down. I'm talking gut wrenching sobs to the point where I actually had to pull over because it wasn't safe to drive anymore...

It took me two weeks to get up the courage to go back and say hi... whereupon I was received with a very cold shoulder from little Andy...

I went to his preschool to drop off some pictures I had taken for the teachers and upon seeing me totally ignored me. I figured he needed the space and he would come to be when he was ready... he later told his mom that I hadn't come to see him at all and that I didn't even want to hug him. WOW. Needless to say, that left me in another puddle... I left the school and sobbed my eyes out... the little boy I had grown to love so much and had spent the majority of two years with was totally rejecting me. Can you blame him though? He was just doing to me what he thought I was doing to him...

I returned the next day having made sure his mom told him I was coming to see just him and when he saw me that time gave me an unending hug. The kind where i wasn't sure he would ever let go unless I pried him off. And not that I wanted to, but after about 5 minutes of just sitting there with his legs wrapped around me, we finally set out to play.

Time heals stuff like this and that's why I'm ok to write it all down now... I'm not trying to be a baby, I'm just being honest. Before I left last year, we took pictures of each other to remember that time... the girls are old enough that posterity means a lot to them and I have since felt terrible for not sharing the pictures sooner with them. But now I am :)

and in other news, something I haven't shared yet I don't believe is that starting monday I get to spend the rest of my summer with these 3 kiddos. Maureen emailed me a few months ago asking for suggestions for summer child care... and as I thought about anyone else watching them another summer I couldn't help but cry. I knew that it had to be me. There will never be another summer like this... and it won't be like last... and most certainly next year will be another one to remember. I'm so excited to start a new adventure and a new chapter in this book of life that I feel is just getting better and better :)

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I am 20 something years old. I love Jesus with all my heart. I love my husband. I love my bed. People sometimes tell me that I'm intimidating. I'm all fluff. I am a photographer. I am a care-taker. I am a wife. I am a sister, daughter and friend. I don't like snakes. I don't like mushrooms, unless I can't taste them. I like the idea of hedgehogs and turtles. I love getting dressed up but don't do it often enough. I love getting letters in the mail. I am a hopeless romantic, cliche, I know, but it's true.

Steve is my no-longer-twenty-something husband. He is a mechanical engineer at one of the universities near us and currently works as a lab tech. He fell in love with me, so you can guess he's probably a little crazy... but you'd never know it unless you got to know him :) Still waters run deep they say and it's true, especially with him.

We are expecting to meet our little one around January 21st, 2012 and couldn't be more excited ;)