The Snarchive, 2004

All the scoop that was fit to save from 2004.(even though the latest entry is dated 2005)

Jan 2, 2005: Happy New Year!
Wow, what a couple of weeks it's been. Several bits and pieces of news:

Updated the pottery page to
include more pieces and less blather. I wish I knew how to
make pop-up windows; tried to figure it out with the LissaExplains page,
failed miserably. No time to explore it further right now, but
maybe someday...

Successfully auctioned off two books for
4Christina. I have to go through and deduct the paypal and
Ebay fees, but I think it raised about $20; every little bit helps.

Starting to prepare a scrapbook of BoE evidence, photos, tidbits,
etc. to take to the One Ring WingDing in Pasadena. Sheesh. What to
bring, when there's just SO MUCH? I hate to go through that Tentmoot
email box again, but truly the best dirt comes straight from the
original source.

Been watching with amusement the review wars going on at Amazon. It seems
that some of the fandomwank community aren't content to squabble
amongst themselves, they simply have to show off their cleverness
to the world at large. One that I actually thought was kind of witty
was signed "Amy Player" and said "You should come see me on
Hollywood Boulevard, I have a bridge to sell you."However, the
fun and games were starting to clutter up my product page, and it was
getting tiresome. So I turned the matter over to a higher authority:
the Service Dept. at Amazon. Their official policy states that reviews
that contain spiteful or personal remarks are unacceptable. I sent
them a message asking them to please read all the reviews and remove
any that they did not deem appropriate. I just got this email:
"These reviews have been removed from our system and will disappear
from our web site within the next 3-5 business days." Well. I
suppose we'll soon see which ones violated Amazon policy.

Sue has been quite distracted lately, because her family
has suffered a horrible tragedy: two of her nephews were out doing a
little target shooting, when one slipped and fell--and as
the other was helping him out of the swampy muck, he grabbed the
barrel of the shotgun and it went off. He was killed instantly.
These were both young men
in their twenties. It happened the day before Christmas.
I bring this up here to emphasize the point that

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SAFE GUN.

These fellows had been raised to properly respect and handle guns,
yet the perfectly natural instinctive reaction to grab the closest thing
and help your brother up when he's down caused a man his life.
I hate guns. I didn't work in the ER a whole lot during my training,
but in the several months I did spend on ER and surgery in
Houston and Portland, I NEVER ONCE observed a gunshot wound
that was the result of a citizen protecting him/herself from a criminal.
I've seen innocent citizens shot by criminals, police officers shot
by criminals, kids accidentally shot by friends showing off their parents'
guns, kids and adults that deliberately shot themselves, girl shot by
"boyfriend" during argument over who got the last hit of heroin, and
many other drunken or otherwise chemically-impaired
idiots and criminals that shot one another during a fight or a criminal act.
My dad-in-law also trained for a short time in the ER, and once in a great
while his specialty (oncology) takes him in there. He has also never seen
a gunshot wound resulting from a decent citizen exercising the right
to self-defense. I'm sorry, I just don't think this is because every last one of these the
defensive shootings goes straight to the morgue. I think it's because
this type of shooting is so rare as to be almost nonexistent.
Anyone out there need an excellent research project
for grad school? How about surveying the ER records of, say, public
hospitals in 5 major cities, and classify all the gunshot injuries
into categories like "murder or attempted murder", "brawl," "innocent bystander,"
"suicide," "accident," and "criminal shot by citizen defending
self or property." I would LOVE to see the results of that study.
/rant off
My friend Amy (not THAT Amy) told me her neighbor had died unexpectedly
on X-mas Eve. That family comforted themselves by deciding that
she was needed in the Afterlife to welcome all those poor scared
babies and children that were killed in the tsunami. I like that
explanation. I think that must be the reason Sue's nephew had to leave
this plane, too.

Not much one can say after that last entry. Besides, it's time to go
lug the last (crossed fingers) load over from our old house. See
you in Pasadena!

Dec 18, 2004: Life is full of surprises.
I just learned that When a Fan is now available through
Barnes and Noble. Heh. I guess that happened through Partners/West,
my wholesaler. I had no idea they worked with B&N, I thought they were
strictly indie bookstores. Bonus!

Dec 15, 2004: If you're sad because you have no shoes...
...you just gotta remember the folks out there that have no feet. I
have put The Book up on
auction at Ebay to benefit the
4Christina fund. Vasaris from Fandomwank turned me on to this--
this gal has parotid cancer and it's eating her up alive both
literally and financially. While I just couldn't see myself getting on
board that fund to buy some fanfic writer a new Ipod, this cause
was worthwhile. So, if you'd like to buy the book but don't want to
contribute to its usual good cause (that is, paying back everyone that
got ripped off by Those Two), you can support a whole nother good
cause by bidding for it on Ebay.

Dec 12, 2004: Pneumonia sucks.
So things slowed waaaaaaaay down for me this week, and the timing
could not have been worse. Monday night I began to feel some
twinging when breathing. Tuesday was the day The Movers were to come
and finally get us into the New House...and that evening I was to drive
up to Seattle in order to attend Sean Astin's book signing at UW.
It didn't work out that way, preciousss, no, it surely didn't.
Without going into the physiologic details, suffice it to say I was
flat on my back for the past week and have a new understanding of the
medical phrase "increaased respiratory effort."
One of the memorable moments: trying to
sit up on the couch for a while, only to get another fever and have to
stretch out--at nearly the precise moment the high school marching
band begins to "practice" for the Christmas parade. I used the quote
marks because they weren't practicing their music, they were apparently
determining their proper placement or cadence or something, because
the only thing they played, over and over, were the first two measures
of "Silent Night." Silent night...Holy night...Silent night...Holy
Night.
Life can be cruel at times.

Fortunately, Sue went to see Sean Astin, both as he taped an appearance
for Northwest Afternoon, and then the booksigning. I told her
if Sean wanted a book, he needed to buy one--freebies are only for
people like Tall Paul or Jed, who made helpful contributions to the
writing, such as answering the questions I had. So Sue went and
bought one from the UW store to give to him. She can be a rascal on
occasion.
But I'm glad she did, because if anyone deserved to see his reaction,
it's Sue. When she gave him the book, he immediately cracked up over
the fact that he's on the cover in his Project Elanor clothes, and
that led to a general discussion of the cover art. I'll preface what
happened next with the comment that Sean normally
exudes a strong presence, very much the one in charge of the interaction
when you're with him; I noticed this at Project Elanor, and people
frequently comment on it when they meet him at conventions and what
not.
Sue described that, once the "cover" discussion rolled to its
natural conclusion, she saw Sean, for just an instant, grow small and
timid, and he asked her, "So how was I treated in the book?"
Sue piled it on good, telling him he was treated just as everyone
else, i.e. as good people who were conned and didn't deserve that,
and hadn't done anything wrong. She told him how the sale money
would pay back the other victims, made sure he had a business card
if he wanted to reach either her or I, reminded him twice that if
he'd like his book signed, he could come by during ORC...she's a PR
natural. Sean handed the book to his assistant and said "This goes
straight to Christine." Sue later spotted Mrs. Astin tucked away
out of the limelight in the back, reading it.
At one point Sean said he still felt sorry for Those Two. Sue nodded
kindly but in her mind, she said, "You won't after you read this book!"
One can only hope as much.

Can I just ask, what the hell kind of marching band plays
"Silent Night" in a parade? Does anyone else find that fundamentally
WRONG? I mean, parade, Jingle Bell Rock, Deck The Halls,
something that has a comparable tempo to the marching pace. You simply
cannot add an improvised brass jam or drum solo to Silent Night. And
how are you supposed to evenly maintain all those long, solemn,
linked whole notes as you trot along with the stylized highstepping
action? Talk about increased respiratory effort! And would
"lighthearted" be too much to ask?

Sue also reported that Alan Lee went into a gigglefest when he saw
his Chia Hobbit Foot (which she'd put into the thank-you baskets for
both Alan and Sean, from the NW Tolkien Society). That made me so
happy. That's exactly what I do every time I see them, and since I have
them stacked all over the garage, lemme tell ya, that's pretty often!
They're FUNNY, dag nab it, and it warms my heart to know that at
least one other person out there has a tweaked out sense of humor just
like mine.

Because of this pulmonary encounter with my mortality, I won't be able
to make my booksigning in Seattle next week, over which I am utterly
miserable, but what can you do? I still haven't eaten a balanced
meal since this all started, and coughing has become a complex series
of contortions and breathing rhythms worthy of a Yoga form, all to
move the gunk while preventing searing pain. No one on the freeway wants
to be next to someone doing what I do when I cough. I look like that
guy in Alien.

The preceeding update was brought to you by the makers
of Afrin nasal spray and Azithromycin.

The Amazon listing was for practical/exposure/credibility purposes.
Please see extended rant below. I just wanted people to be able to
find it, who might otherwise never hear of it...but I hope folks
will choose to buy a Signed copy directly from this website!
The same logic applies to the Froogle listing, which I believe refers
people directly here anyway. Ditto for Ebay--I think I'll probably
keep a copy listed up there for some time, just for the exposure. So
if you, dear websurfer, are a cash-strapped student, that's one way
to try for a cheap copy!

Partners/West has been johnny-on-the-spot about processing bookstore
orders for Teh Book, so it will be appearing on shelves imminently.
The UW Bookstore plans to have them out for sale tomorrow, and more
will be receiving shipments soon. If you spot Teh Book at your favorite
store, let me know!. I'd love
to keep track of who's selling it, for future booksigning events.

Talking of which, those are finally starting to shape up. I'll be
at the UW store on Dec 15 (see events page), and we're finalizing the
dates for signings in Lincoln City, Oregon (Abbey's home town) and
Claremont, California at my alma mater, Harvey Mudd College.
Many more events to come, this ball is just starting to roll!

Sue spoke to the "Northwest Afternoon" program today and they have
put me into their system as a potential guest. I didn't get the call,
Hubby did, so I don't know all the details, but apparently Sue is supposed
to call them every 2 weeks to see if they've booked me. What a kick.
Crap, now I have to go out and buy something nice to wear on TV. That's
a lot to ask from a frumpy cheapskate like myself.

On Wednesday I had a last-minute appearance at the Willamette University
bookstore right here in my home town. I was invited literally the
day before, so there was barely time to get my name on the program,
and only a handful of people came by, but the GOOD thing is that now
the Willamette Store is carrying Teh Book too!

Decided to move this over here: If you've never seen a book
in its embryonic state before, this is pretty cool: the proof set from
the big printer in Kansas.

Toshiro the Guinea Pig found the proofs delicious.

Nov 27, 2004: I finally caved
Heavy sigh...after weeks of waffling, last night I gave up and
listed The Book on Amazon.com. "Why the long face?" you may be
wondering. Well, I'm glad you asked.

{rant = "on"}
One thing I had no clue about prior to this adventure is how books are
bought and sold. Rather than go through the explanation, I'll just
refer you
straight to the source at Amazon, with the most relevant parts
excerpted here:

Each year in May, we will automatically debit from your account a
non-refundable annual membership fee of $29.95. If your membership
is canceled or terminated for any reason, you will not be entitled
to any refund of the annual membership fee.

Ship the requested number of copies of your title to the designated
distribution center. All copies must be shipped "FOB destination"
(meaning that you, the vendor, bear the liability and expense of
packaging, insurance, customs clearance and duties (where
applicable), and freight.

For books, we will pay you 45% of the publisher's list price or
of the suggested retail price you selected. This is equivalent to
a 55% purchase discount. For example, if your selected selling
price is:
$8.99, we pay you $4.05
$10.99, we pay you $4.95
$12.99, we pay you $5.85
$14.99, we pay you $6.75

Isn't that special? Let's go through this line by line:
1. I pay Amazon $29.95 to get my book listed in their service. If I
decide this isn't working out, I can't get even a partial refund on
that.
2. I send, at my own expense, books to Amazon's "distribution
center," i.e. warehouse. A box of 10 books will cost me about $6
to ship.
3. Amazon's computer lists my book on their website using
information that I provided in my application--i.e. I filled out
their online forms with the book summary, reviews, etc. The amount
of promotion/advertising that they will have to do will be minimal
--probably one person will spend 5 minutes scanning my input and
cross-referencing keywords like "LOTR" and "con artist" to
the search database, and that will be it.
4. The only thing that Amazon will do that requires actual work on their
part will be to process orders and ship out books to customers.
5. So, when Amazon gets an order for one of my books, which I spent
months writing and thousands of dollars printing, they will receive
at least $14.95 from the customer (plus who knows what for shipping).
Some warehouse employee will spend probably no more than 10 minutes
stuffing the book into an envelope, slapping on an
automatically-generated label, and tossing it into a bin that the Post
Office will pick up for delivery.
6. For that, Amazon gets to keep $8.22 plus the $30 annual fee.

Sigh. I realize that I'm paying for their reputation, and
for their computers and software that make it easy for people to
find and buy books.

The cheapskate within me, however, sputters, "But do they really
deserve THE LION'S SHARE for that???"

They undoubtedly got the idea that this was an OK proportion
from the rest of the book industry. I have the exact same deal
with Partners/West, who will be putting my books into stores. I have to
send them books at my expense, and they in turn send them to
bookstores that want to sell them. I have to do all the work of pimping
the book, sending email and snail mail to stores asking them to take
a look at it and carry it, beg newspaper reviewers to plug it in their
papers with a review, etc--all of which takes HUGE amounts of time.
And once again, Partners/West will pay me LESS THAN HALF of the cover price
for every book sold. Standard industry contract.

If I hadn't published it myself, my cut would be even smaller.
I wouldn't have paid for the printing costs
out-of-pocket, but once you get large quantities of books being printed,
those are quite small (certainly not 55% of the total cost!).
I don't know why people even write books under these circumstances!

Thank Illuvatar for the Internet! When I sell a book from this site,
the whole thing comes to me. Well, almost--Paypal charges a transaction
fee and since I'm charging postage only, no handling, I usually lose
nearly a dollar from the cover price. But that beats the HECK out of
the $8 plus shipping that I lose on every book that goes to Amazon
or Partners!!
{/rant}

Take Away Message: The little thermometer of
wrongs set right will be rising at a slower rate for books sold anywhere
other than this website. If you'd like a book, I hope you'll choose
to order it directly from here. I'll sign it for you; you don't
have to pay any sales tax; you won't have to brave the elements to
go to a bookstore. And you'll be thwarting the system that keeps
writers from fully benefitting from their work. Can't beat that with
a stick, eh?

Less Rambly News: I got the coolest order yesterday--the
Multnomah County Library System (which serves Portland) ordered four
copies. Woot! Fun! I hope they'll send one to the library that
was "supposed to" "receive" the Elanor Garden...

Nov 25, 2004: Something I'm thankful for
I got this message from "NotE!butNice," a "character" from the book (and the adventure)
just this morning. She was saying hello after a long trip to Ireland, and had
the following tale to tell:

I recounted The Story one night in Galway to a captive audience
in a 200 year old pub just up from the bay. They were amused,
bewildered and outraged. You were toasted for your perseverance to
get the truth out and the Other Two were officially banned from
ever setting foot in the wonderful old pub. They all pledged never
to share a drink with either one of them.

Now that's beautiful. Here's to honest and stalwart people the
world over. {clink}

Nov 23, 2004: I think I can announce this officially
I'd been waiting until all the paperwork cleared, and it ALMOST has,
so I'm going for it: I'll have a Merchant Table at the
One Ring Celebration in Pasadena, January 2005. Come by, get a signed
signed book, tell me a story about Those Two, whatever you like!

Burning the candle at both ends: Sue and I have spent the
last week painting the new house like maniacs (had the new carpet installed
over the weekend, now we just have to move in!) and sending off press
kits to newspapers and bookstores all over the West Coast. Now that
I have a wholesaler/distributor, I can get the book into stores--but
the stores have to know about it, want it, and order
it from the wholesaler. Time to spread the word. Anyone out there in
WebLand with a contact in a bookstore, I'd dearly love it if you'd mention
this interesting book that they ought to carry--just point them to the
Media Room at this website and they'll be able to order it for their
store.

And on a bookstore note: We're also working on booksigning
events, mostly here in Oregon for starters. The trouble is, you kinda
need a review in the local newspaper first, so the bookstore can
have some publicity for the signing. But then sometimes the newspaper
wants to know when the Signing will be, so they can set that as a
deadline for printing the review...It's just never as simple as calling
these places up and fitting something into the schedule. Well,
at least we're starting to learn the hang of it. Check in on the Events
page now and then to see if we'll be visiting near you!

Nov 17, 2004: Bookstores, here I come!
Today I received a contract in the mail from Partners/West, a book
distributing company. Once I sign it and it gets set up, I will have
a wholesaler to distribute my books. Bookstores only accept books
from wholesalers, not authors (except in special circumstances, such
as a locally owned and operated store like Jackson's). But no matter
now, as Partners/West opted to take it on! WOOT! Look
for it in stores soon!

New comments from John Howe: I'm always delighted to hear
from anyone who liked the book, but this was a real treat. (go to the bottom of the page).
This is just the sort of reaction I was hoping the book would provoke--
a sort of snarky poignancy--a prosaic "Bloom County," if you will.

OK, here's a hoot: I've sent out copies of the book to all the
folks who helped verify the celebrity sections, which included Rebecca,
Bruce Hopkins' agent. On Saturday, I was over at our new house painting
like a fiend so we can move into the bleeping place.
Hubby was in the middle of fixing dinner with the toddler hanging
on his leg and the big kid whooping it up in the living room. When
I get home, he tells me that "Rebecca Kirkwood" called, and hands
me the message you see here.
Talk about giving the hairy eyeball! I get my first call ever from
a Hollywood producer, and my Caltech genius husband writes a callback
number that is illegible, and only six digits besides.
Granted, Rebecca just wanted to talk about the book a little,
but the point would be that she COULD have been calling to
cut a deal for a Movie of the Week, and all I had was this Picasso
version of a phone number to call back. So naturally, I have to take
advantage of this opportunity to rag on hubby, since he is always
catching me in mid-flakery.

Nov 12, 2004: All your base are belong to us.
I did a little ego surf the other night, googling on my name to see
where it might turn up. I came across
this blurb in an Italian fantasy magazine. How exciting! I
put it through the Google translator to
see if it seemed like a reasonable article. My name came back as
Jeanine Reindeers. Jingle all the way.

On that same surfing trip, I came across
this review from Dorothea Salo. I found it very interesting and I
hope I can chat with her sometime about the points she brought up.
Argh, if I can just find a LITTLE time some day...

Nov 7, 2004: Post OryCon News
Whew...back-to-back conventions has proven a bit on the exhausting
side. OryCon was a huge affair, it was really quite fun to walk
around this huge hotel, knowing that everyone in it was part of the
convention. Klingons, Goths, Jedi, pirates, Renaissance, an
all-blue chick, and a baby alien (three months old and cute as a button
in her little tentacled carrier pack). Met a few more folks that
were screwed by BoE, as is always the case, nothing particularly juicy
this time.

My favorite story is totally off topic, but I'm going to tell it
anyway, since this is my website, dag nab it. So there was this little girl,
I'm guessing maybe 9 years old, that came through our booth and was
excited by the Chia Feet. Her mom bought her a bookmarker and said that
she'd already gone through most of her convention budget, and besides,
she'd bid on things in the silent auction and would have to pay for them
if she won. Daughter came back maybe 3-4 times over the course of the
weekend to look at the chia feet and give me updates about whether Mom
had won this or that in the auction. Closing time arrives and there she
is again, telling me that Mom is waiting to see if she won a prize in
the raffle, could I possibly keep one Chia foot out while I'm wrapping up
all the other pieces? I'm picturing her mom, on a budget, hoping that
her little girl would sort of forget about the Chia feet just long
enough for them to get into the car and drive off...but hey, I had a lot
of pieces to pack up, it was no biggie to leave one foot out for later.

Sure enough, my intuition was correct (we moms know these kinds of
things): Here comes beleaguered mom being hauled in by daughter, trying to
apologize for her little one disrupting my packup process, she's down to
her last $20 and has no idea where her little angel got the idea that
she could have a Chia foot after the raffle was over. And there's little
angel, looking for all the world like me about 30 years ago, crossing
her fingers that she can work Mom over with the "winsome blue eyes treatment"
and get this doodad that she's so enamored with.

What the heck. I told Mom I could give her one for $10 and Mom went
for it. It's really a good feeling to know this little gal really
liked a piece that I made. And knowing how much I love it when someone
makes MY kid happy, it was nice to pass that on to
someone else's kid.

We now return to the regularly scheduled cynicism.

Nov 5, 2004: A little publicity
True to his word, Eugene Bingham of the NZ Herald published
this story today in the Saturday Herald. Which is just killing me
because it is still Friday. I still maintain that the whole time
zone thing is just plain wrong.

TORn paid a wee homage to the article on their main page, but alas, neither
source actually indicated how to buy the book. I hope some
folks manage to find their way here anyway. Late Entry: Woot,
thank you, X (or whoever addended your news article) for the link!

Nov 3, 2004: Tidbits of the day
Books: After three days, I have at last sent out all the individual book
orders and pre-orders. I just have to find boxes for the folks that
ordered multiple books, hopefully can finish that soon! Once you
receive your book, if you would like to send in a review or "testimonial,"
please feel free--just write it up and
send me an email.

Press: Eugene Bingham of the New Zealand Herald has indicated that
he wants to run a book review or possibly some sort of news story
about the book this Saturday. WOOT!

Pix: Just saw
this photo from RingCon on TORn, what a kick, didn't even see that one get taken.
That was before I figured out how to style my hobbit feet fur properly.
Spirit gum is strange stuff.

Oct 31, 2004: The RingCon ScoopFirst Big News: The books are in at last! The first 300 arrived
at RingCon and the rest are due in my new garage tomorrow. They look SO AWESOME!!!
The ones we had printed locally for the Jackson's debut were done with
a different printing method and the pictures came out kinda so-so, but
man, the offset-printed books are just, well, COOL! I'll be shipping
previously ordered books for the next couple of days and from then on,
hopefully I will be able to send books out on demand! Thanks to
everyone who pre-ordered and has waited patiently for months for this
baby to get printed!

Next Big News: RingCon! What a riot! OK, I promised incriminating
photographs:

Can I just say Bruce Hopkins is the nicest man...
especially once you get about 300 CCs of sake into him.

Seriously, I hope we get to be buddies, he is very straight-up,
kind-hearted, fights for what he believes in, all that kind of stuff
that makes for a rock-solid person.

I told him to look like he wanted to kick some ass for this
photo, since he's smiling in the book. He signed 3 copies for me; I
hope to get everyone involved to sign them as well. One was for myself
and the other two I thought we could auction off someday, but I realized
I need to keep two, one for each of my little boys to inherit. So
someday one signed-by-everyone book will be available.

Now this was a real treat:
Royd Tolkien, great-grandson of JRRT. Which means that he has roughly
one eighth of JRRT's DNA including his original Y chromosome. Which
means an infinitessimal amount of JRRT's genetic material remains
on my hand even now. Be still my fluttering heart. Alas, being a
potter and a mommy of a tot in diapers, I can't vow to never wash
my hand again.

Back to reality: You should have SEEN the look on Royd's face when
I explained to him that, according to Abbey and "Jordan," his
grampa was actually writing history as relayed to him by the spiritual
emanations of the elves in Valinor, even though he thought it was just
his imagination and creativity. I had Royd sign that page in my 3 books
as sort of a witness testimonial type of thing on behalf of all the
Tolkiens. Heh.

Royd then bought a beautiful full length leather coat and strode past
my little booth on his way out of the merch room. Hamina hamina.
Had one of those "oh, to be young and thin and pretty and single
again" moments.

Oops, got distracted again! Anyway, I put my foot up on the table
for this photo to show off my funny hobbit feet, Royd's grampa's
legacy. My older boy decided he wanted a new look and got a buzz cut,
so I had these wonderful soft hairs from his precious noggin to glue
onto my tootsies. They looked very authentic. But JoJo managed to
completely crop my foot out of the photo. Oh, well.

I am still gobsmacked over this one: Every time I go to a
convention, I hear stories from people that encountered Abbey and
"Jordan," and although these tales have a common general theme, there
are no two exactly alike. Some make me smirk, some I file away for
When A Fan 2.0, and some, well, some I just gotta share. Thus:

Twice now I have encountered a neat young man named Casey at conventions.
The first time, at TolCon, I didn't really meet him but I took note
of him because he charmed the heck out of my older son. There were
a few people out on the dance floor at TolCon early Saturday
evening--the bulk of the crowd wasn't drunk enough to get out and
boogie, so it was just the kids and the extroverts. My boy was
jumping and whirling around in a freestyle typical of 6-year-olds,
just doing his own thing. Casey started to imitate him. I cannot
TELL you how proud it made my son feel, when he
realized that a grown-up was dancing like HIM. He absolutely
beamed. Anyone that makes my kid feel good about himself
gets a lot of karmic credit in my eyes (which is one reason Abbey
was held so highly in my esteem, but that's another story).

So Casey came to my reading at RingCon and had a story to share. It
seems that a couple years ago he went to a party with some folks from
Bit of Earth and he met Abbey and her "boyfriend" "Jordan." As the
evening went on and the booze flowed, a game started that apparently
involved passing apples from mouth to mouth as a pretext for smooches.
Casey, who was about 21 at the time, was lubricated enough to
participate in this game, and as you might have already guessed,
ended up, during the course of the evening,
groveling with both Abbey and "Jordan." Which is not terribly
surprising by itself, but what makes his story unique is that
he got paired to Abbey on his first turn, thus making Abbey his
FIRST KISS. EVER.

*gets the willies all over again.*

I believe he would qualify as a poster child for the dangers of alcohol.

"When A Fan" Hits the Stores!
We held our First Ever Book Signing Event today at Jackson's Books in Salem, Oregon.
25 people stopped by to take a peek, and we sold
10 books. Shopping Cart Bob, FrodosGirl322, Gandalf and Vanadriel, the
Twins, and of course Shireling Sue, all came in for moral support
and to help polish off the bonbons from Costco.

Signing the first copy--to Mike the Lawyer, who has helped make much
of this snark possible. Note plate of bonbons and cookies.

You Never Know Where Wank Will Turn Up
The landlady that rented the Hobags the apartment in Salem came in
for the booksigning--and did she ever have
some Scoopage. It seems that one day, one of the kids in the complex
came to her office and said that there were some important-looking
papers just laying out on the picnic table in the little playground.
Turns out those papers just happened to be Abbey's marriage license
and some pictures. She naturally picked them up and kept them, and
since Abbey never claimed them, she thought she could still get me
a copy.

The interesting thing about this is that Sue and I did some checking in the
public records about Abbey's divorce. It seems that Abbey's ex was
ordered to pay her quite a bit of cash in the settlement, which is
not necessarily unusual in itself. But those of you who buy the book
and read Amy's Fake Suicide letter will notice that she confesses
to certain activities in this letter. One such activity is
stealing money from Abbey and her husband's joint bank account and
pinning the blame for the missing funds on the husband.

One of Abbey's complaints about her ex was that he was careless with
money to the point of bringing them to financial ruin. So it's
possible that Amy was telling the truth--that she stole this money
and convinced Abbey that her ex either stole it or lost it or never
had it, whatever. In that case, Abbey may have no idea that Amy
was ripping her off even as she was living under her roof and being
all lovey-dovey.

It is also quite possible that Abbey and Amy set
up the whole missing funds things together and jointly blamed it on
the ex-husband, with Abbey playing the poor, confused, victimized
spouse and Amy her star witness.

Regardless of whether Amy lifted this money, or the two of them lifted
it together, Sue and I can't help but wonder if the Ex-Husband might
be interested in this confession. Especially considering that it seems that
he was ordered to REPAY the "missing funds"
as part of the divorce settlement. To me, this seems like the kind of
factoid that a divorce lawyer will start salivating over.

So we're hoping that this landlady will be able to find these divorce
documents and get us some contact info for Abbey's ex. Maybe he can
get back some of the money Amy admitted to stealing from him.

It's just always something new and interesting in Turi's World!

Oct 18, 2004: The Dirty Duo Spotted:
Two minions people have independently reported that
Those Two were out on Friday in all their glory on
the sidewalk in front of the Chinese Theater. Both spies were
in line for the Jimmy Kimmel show because Dom Monaghan was going
to be a guest. Those Two apparently were not aware that Dom was
going to be in the theater, because they were ignoring the crowd,
giggling and whispering amongst themselves, and eventually just
sauntered off. Had they known Dom was near, they would surely have
been bragging to the crowd about what BNFs they were, or at the very
LEAST, tried to gatecrash.

Sadly, though, no photos, as much as I'd like to post one here.

Oct 15, 2004: Lest We ForgetIt was one year ago today that Sean Astin called the
Marion County Sheriff's Office, to report the whereabouts of Amy
Player to The Law. *sniffle* *wipes tear* *salutes*

Oct 14, 2004: RingCon and Book News

Sold my hundredth book today! Woot! Only 550 more to go to pay for the damn thing!

Looks like I'll have a signing event at RingCon, along with the merch table...
more on that as soon as they get the schedule finalized! I can't decide which chapter to
read...the Origins of BoE? The Adventures of Jed, Tall Paul, and the Floor? Or
the warm fuzziness of the verdict by the Oregon Dept. of Justice?

Yesterday my friend Amy (not THAT Amy!) patiently slathered makeup on me, so that
Sue could take a "headshot" for my press kit stuff. It's actually pretty nice, I think:

Oct 6, 2004: First Entry!
Guess what! I now have a news page! You've found the place to go for all
the latest scoopage on: