When I was a little kid I loved this poem/song, and I forgot it existed until today when I randomly thought about it. I am am excited to tell it to Ian and I encourage any other terrible parents to share it with their kids!

THE HEARSE SONG

by Anonymous

“Don’t ever laugh as the hearse goes by,Or you will be the next to die.They wrap you up in a big white sheetFrom your head down to your feet.They put you in a big black boxAnd cover you up with dirt and rocks.All goes well for about a week,Then your coffin begins to leak.The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out,The worms play pinochle in your snout,They eat your eyes, they eat your nose,They eat the jelly between your toes.A big green worm with rolling eyesCrawls in your stomach and out your eyes.Your stomach turns a slimy green,And pus pours out like whipping cream.You’ll spread it on a slice of bread,And this is what you eat when you are dead.”

If you haven’t guessed by now, I go all out for Halloween and Christmas. My house is covered with decorations on the inside and out (it’s an inherited genetic disease), our house and cars are scented with the pertinent holiday smells and I listen to seasonally appropriate music. I have wasted way too much time tracking down Halloween-related music and here are some of my favorites…

OINGO BOINGO!

Oingo Boingo is one of those bands that I actually like almost every song on their albums. Pretty much all of Oingo Boingo’s Discography is Halloween appropriate and I’m not even talking about “Dead Man’s Party”. Seeing as Danny Elfman is the soundtrack composer of 90% of the Halloween movies in existence, it’s not so surprising that his songs from the Oingo Boingo days were pretty much all about death, destruction, insanity and distopia. If you really want to get a real variety of some of their best, “Boingo Alive” is my favorite.

ALICE COOPER!

Listening to Alice Cooper was a good way for a kid to rebel in the 1970’s. He was made to be controversial by design. His shows were outrageous and horror themed but it was all good fun. One of my favorite Alice Cooper stories was the one about biting the head off of a chicken. According to Alice this is what really happened:

“After an unrehearsed stage routine involving Cooper and a live chicken garnered attention from the press, the band decided to capitalize on tabloid sensationalism, creating in the process a new subgenre, shock rock. Cooper claims that the infamous ‘Chicken Incident’, which took place at the Toronto Rock and Roll Revival concert in September 1969, was in fact an accident. A chicken somehow made its way on stage during Alice Cooper’s performance; not having any experience around farm animals, Cooper presumed that, since the chicken had wings, it would be able to fly. He picked it up and threw it out over the crowd, expecting it to fly away; the bird instead plummeted into the first few rows of the crowd occupied by disabled people in wheelchairs, who reportedly proceeded to tear the animal to pieces.

The next day, the incident made the front page of many national newspapers, and Zappa phoned him to ask if the story, which reported that Cooper had bit the head off the chicken and drunk its blood on stage, was true. Cooper denied the rumor, whereupon Zappa told him, “Well, whatever you do, don’t tell anyone you didn’t do it”, obviously recognising that such kind of publicity would be priceless for the band.”

I’ve been biting heads off chickens for years…

Alice is decidedly less controversial now than he used to be with all these new-fangled “death metal” bands hanging around. These days Alice has a Radio Show, Owns a Baseball Themed Restaurant called “COOPERTOWN” and golfs in his free time. Now Alice says controversial things of a different nature like :

Dirtbag… Anyway, before the days of golf carts and chicken fingers Alice had some pretty awesome creepy songs. The album “Welcome to My Nightmare” is great thing to listen to on your way to break into an abandoned Insane Asylum. But my favorite Alice Cooper song for this time of year is “Halo of Flies” from the album “Killer”.

BROWN BIRD!

Brown Bird is a fairly recent discovery for me, I really like their stuff but they kind of creep me out. There isn’t a lot of info about them out there but it’s some guy named David Lamb and some girl named MorganEve Swain singing old-timey folk songs that sound like they were recorded in a cemetery using instruments made out of human bones.

So far my favorite album is their latest “Fits Of Reason”, unfortunately David Lamb is currently battling Leukemia so they are on a temporary hiatus.

WARREN ZEVON!

Like Oingo Boingo’s “Dead Man’s Party”, Warren Zevon’s best stuff is overshadowed by his best known hit “Werewolves of London”. Warren Zevon was a unique guy, he lived a crazy life and wrote some crazy music. His Dad was a member of the Russian Jewish Mafia and his Mom was Mormon. Needless to say Warren had an interesting perspective and it bleeds through in his music. On the subject of death Warren said that his Mormon background influenced him in that death was spoken about matter of factly around the dinner table. Warren was fairly obsessed with death and the macabre. Two of his most death obsessed albums were called “Life Will Kill You” and “My Ride is Here” they were released 2 years apart. Ironically Warren was diagnosed with terminal cancer shortly after “My Ride is Here” was released. He announced his diagnosis on The David Letterman Show. During the interview he noted, “I might have made a tactical error in not going to a physician for 20 years.” It was during this broadcast that, when asked by Letterman if he knew something more about life and death now, he first offered his oft-quoted insight on dying: “Enjoy every sandwich.”

I recommend:

If any of you 4 people reading this are interested further you can also check out my Halloween playlist on Spotify:

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I guess “Throwback Thursday” is a thing, but I like to go against the grain so today’s going to be “Magic Time-Machine Monday”. So, I thought I’d share some wonderful Halloween “Art” from late Junior High/Early High School. The main point of sharing this stuff is to show that creating pointless art projects while sequestering myself in an over-decorated “office” is nothing new. My compulsion to draw stuff and write crappy stories is like an itch, I have to scratch until it goes away. So, if I’m creating stuff I might as well put it on the internet for like 15 people to look at. Anyway, here you go my 15 faithful viewers… ART!

Crappy Jr. High School Art

Before you look at the next one, please don’t call the authorities and ask for me to be committed… I swear I don’t have people in my basement.

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Disney’s Halloween treat was always one of my favorite Halloween specials, it was just a bunch of random Halloweenish Disney cartoons edited and smashed into a hour long Sunday Night Family Special. My mom had a ton of Halloween cartoons recorded onto 20 different VHS tapes and I remember trying having to rewind and fast forward through all the other junk on the tapes to get to my favorite cartoons. The quality was terrible and there were usually large portions of the shows missing from poorly executed commercial skipping attempts during the recording process. These days I have an amazing time searching through the internet for the classics that I haven’t watch for over 20 years. Nostalgia is powerful thing and our generation is really lucky to be able access so much of our past with very little effort.

Comic book cover for Donald Duck’s Trick or Treat

One of my favorite cartoons that was featured on Disney’s Halloween Treat was a Donald Duck cartoon about Trick or Treating, enjoy!

Every Halloween it is tradition in my family to read John Whitcomb Riley’s poem “Little Orphan Annie” the visuals always terrified me when I was a little kid. I adapted it a bit for easier reading but it still maintains it’s basic style. I will always remember my Grandpa Brimley gathering us together in his living room by the fire and reading Little Orphan Annie as we sat in our costumes frozen with fear but happy.

I have been trying to work on another illustrated book for some time. The story is written but I have only completed a few pages of illustration… Just thought since Halloween is approaching I’d share one of the illustrations. I don’t think the book will be ready by this Halloween but I would like to complete it during the Halloween holiday season. Wish me luck.