Justin Bieber - My Fake Diary

Hey. Got a concert today like. It's a really singing thing like where I get up on stage and listen to all the texters screaming their little Blackberrys off. Like. Wow.

At yesterday's concert there was like a really cool girl looking at me from the audience - you know, the people who pay good money to see me - after giving me the good money of course. Plus a booking fee.

Anyway, she was kinda looking at me like, and she was really cute, like, so during the interval, like, I had to grab a Kleenex and go back to my dressing room. Like. Amazing and far out man.

Anyway. Like. I'm bringin' out a new song man. Like on a CD or on a download or something. Really cool. An' people can listen to it like. I'm going into a studio, like. A place where people, do sorta like 'studio' things.

I get to sing into a microphone like, and then a man with loads of buttons presses them. And like I get real excited.

Pass myself a Kleenex, I have to go back to my room.

And like I met like Miley Cyrus like. Wow! She was wearing shorts like, and she has legs that go all the way to the top of her legs like. Or maybe even further like. Wow. Man. I was only with her like for half an hour and like I had to take Kleenexes and go back to my room at least three times. Like.

An' like her dad must have been a farmer with chickens, coz she kept pointing at my trousers like and asking me like if she could pullit. But I didn't have any chickens myself, so I said she couldn't pullit. An' she kept looking at me and lickin' her lips like she was eating like a cake and it made me hungry like.

And she kept askin' me if I fancied a nibble, but she like didn't have any cake, so I had to say no like.

And then like I had to ask her to go home like, in case she caught a flu or something like, coz first she took all her clothes off, and then she said "take me", but I didn't know where she wanted me to be takin' her to. And with her clothes off I couldn't like take her nowhere coz people would be starin' at her chesty things. Mind you like, her chesty things are real cool man.

I remember seeing the maid once with my older brother. He got religion with the maid, coz I remember him holding onto the maid's front chest things, like Miley had pointing at me, and he was shouting "God I'm comin'".

But I don't do no religion stuff no more, like, so noooooo waaaaaay was I even going to touch those chesty things of Miley's like. Even tho' they were mighty fine chesty things.

But I don't want to go shout no "God I'm comin'" stuff, like. No way man. No religion. That's final man, like.

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