How the hell do I get back on my feet?
I used to be successful, happy and a hero but my life has turned to . I am not exaggerating. And I will be surprised if anybody answers.
Ten years ago, I was a professional firefighter and paramedic, working my way though medical school, had a wife and a infant son, a nice SUV and a nice townhouse. Then things happened; my son developed congenital glaucoma, was diagnosed too late and had nearly a dozen surgeries leading to the loss of one eye, he also developed a hospital acquired antibiotic resistant infection and nearly lost his hearing as well, I was injured in a fall as a fireman and developed intractable pain and I was dismissed from medical school in my last year after I saved a man's life but in doing so endangered a physicians reputation. It was a bad, bad year.
I developed severe depression and started having a lot of problems with PTSD. Eventually, when it didn't get any better and I lost my career, then job after job, I went to a shrink, a really, really bad, reckless and narcissistic one. He got me hooked on pills, all kinds of pills, uppers, downers, narcotics and multiple strong antidepressants. My mood became unpredictable. Five years ago, my wife said she had enough, so the woman I loved so much threw me out. It was cold and sleeting. I ended up being caught in an abandoned building where I took shelter to avoid freezing to death by police. I ended up having those charges dropped but this started real problems. I was unable to provide for my wife and kids and ended up caught stealing some food for my kids. This is where most people get incredibly self-righteous, feeling better about themselves by looking down at me.
Three years ago I suffered from serotonin syndrome, basically an overdose caused by taking multiple antidepressants and amphetamines as prescribed. It could have killed me. I came out of it with uncontrollable involuntary gnashing of my teeth. So he put me on more drugs. There was a medication interaction that made me very confused and I hallucinated horrifically. I happened to be grocery shopping at the time at one of these superstores. I was so messed up. I checked out and went to the front center of the store to call home and ask my wife to come get me. But before I dialed the number I was approached and arrested. It turns out there was a small, boxed, laptop computer under the cart. I don't even remember being in the electronics department that day let alone trying to take anything. I honestly don't know if I did or not but if I did, I was out of my mind at the time.
I got put on probation and had the most evil, terrible and sadistic probation officer imaginable. My kids wanted me to call the police on her or beat her up. My wife felt threatened by her and she was being treated like she was on probation as well. Even my priest HATED her! Eventually, last September, another allegation was made against me but I did nothing to deserve it. I am sure of my innocence that time.
I turned myself in but there was no justice. I got sent to prison for eight months. I was forced to live among cold blooded killers, rapists and predatory criminals of all kinds in addition to many who never shoud have been sent there but instead to detox and rehabilitation. It was a living Hell! My life was often in danger and I frequently had to defend myself against gangs of really bad people. I still have nightmares about it. Nobody in either side of our family had ever been sent to jail or prison in a long recorded family history.
The whole time, my wife did not visit me, she did not write me, she would not send me any pictures off my family to comfort me, she wouldn't even read my letters. She filed for a divorce against me. This was all so hurtful that I felt like I was suffocating the entire time.
When I was released I ended sleeping under a bridge. Then this priest got my parents to take me in temporarily. I had cleaned up, got off all those drugs and received some good counseling. I tried my hardest to redeem myself to my ex-wife but she would not hear it.
Now, I am alone. I have only my clothing and a mattress on my parent's basement floor. I have not as much as jaywalked since September and will never again take any addictive drugs unless I become terminally ill. But how do I get back on my feet? I live miles from the closest bus route. My wife sold my car and everything that was mine. I have no income, no health insurance and have been told that I am not eligible for any kind of assistance or resources that I can find. In addition there are more than 300 occupations that any kind of ex-offender can never hold in Ohio; I can't even think of three hundred occupations, period. My parent's won't help me with anything else and tell me not to get too comfortable with them. It seems that without transportation I have nothing. I can't get to see my kids more than one afternoon a week. I have no way to get a job. I have no way to get out and see my few friends.
So, how the hell do I get back on my feet, make an honest living, find a descent place to live, get some needed medical care and see my kids. Please help me; nobody I've met wants to be bothered by me or give me half a chance and I am afraid of ending up homeless.

May 25, 2010, 06:09 PM

dwashbur

You mentioned that you have (or at least had) a priest; have you tried to talk to him? I know the St. Vincent de Paul organization does a LOT for folks in positions like yours, so that might be a place to start, and your priest could direct you to their facilities, perhaps even get you transportation. It's worth a shot.

May 25, 2010, 06:10 PM

mustangchristy77

It sounds like you've been through a lot. First thing you have to do is take care of yourself. Make sure you are stable and have your medications under control. Once you feel better then start taking things one day at a time and tackle one thing at a time. If you try to do too much you will get discouraged and disappointed. I feel if your parents see your are trying they will be more willing to let you stay there as long as you are giving your all. As far as your ex-wife goes as you can do is try to explain to her and if she doesn't accept it then fine... you can't make her. Maybe she needs time and needs to see for herself that you have changed and something's were not what they appeared to be. Also, when you start feeling insecure just say a small prayer. I don't know how religious you are or if you even are but this helps too. I'll be praying for you and remember one day at a time and one step at a time. Keep your head up.

May 25, 2010, 06:14 PM

cdad

Well first off my advice to you is to figure out what you want to do in life. That is a first step. There are online courses you can take for many different things if needed. Another thing is temp agencies hire all the time so you might be able to find work with one of those. While at your parents maybe try as you can to pay them back for the gift of taking you in when others had not. Do chores as asked and do what you can to stay out of their way. Your at a time in your life of rebuilding which in some ways is a matter of pennence. Sometimes you have to stand in front of the fan and let it hit you. All the while still smiling. Have you tried to get on disability from your medical reasons ? Is there any pension (401k) you might be able to draw from to get transportation? But first it helps to get a direction going and then one step at a time.

May 25, 2010, 07:14 PM

Fr_Chuck

You stop thinking of what you can't, do and figure what you can do.

1. relocate to a shelter where you will be near a bus route and find work maybe
2. stop making a list of things you can't do, and make a list of things you can do. Even entry jobs, janitor, car wash, odd jobs, day labor places

May 25, 2010, 09:51 PM

shannongilmour

Well, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and fall to your knees in prayer and ask God to guide you and direct you on where you should go, what you should do. Stand in your faith so that you will not be moved and God will look out for you.

Do what you can to help your parents around the house, give your time and love to them to show them that you love them and be your best and do your best.

I am so very sorry that these horrible things have happened to you, but living in them, dwelling on these things will keep you stagnant and keep you from achieving what you are meant to become.

Life, is a heartache, but it doesn't have to be a hurt ache- you can start a business all on your own, land scaping in your area until you get on your feet. Window washing, yard maintenance, odd repairs around the house. It just takes one person to believe in you, and it may go well with you to start at your parents house, and their friends will talk positively about you and that may start a chain reaction.
It may sound niave, but God has moved mountains in people's lives with far less.

May 26, 2010, 04:58 AM

adam7gur

Jeff
It is clear to me that the enemy of your eternal soul is trying to cut any strings that you have with God. Killing you will not give him pleasure, but you giving him your soul would make him glad.But this is something that only you have the power and authority to decide.
What we lose in this world makes us sad many times but no matter what we have to keep what God has prepared for us in Heaven. Fear not him who may take away the life of your body but fear Him who can take away the life of your body and your soul.
At this point I say to you let the old Jeff die so the new Jeff lives.This can only happen through Jesus Christ.Go to Him and surrender and ask Him to renew you.Ask for His blood, it is free, you don't have to do anything, just go to Him and ask for the blood that washes away our sins and rejoice in His resurrection because He was resurrected for our righteousness.How much longer will you let Him wait for you?He is calling you by your own name right now,right this moment.You asked for a way out, there is only one , Jesus Christ our Savior.

Jun 3, 2010, 09:04 PM

classyT

Jeff,

You posted in a Christian forum so I'm going to give you a Christian response.

First, you need to recognize you are NOT the proverbial victim. Sorry but this blaming the doctors for your drug addiction is a form of denial... I too was addicted to pain killers or just anything that would help me escape from my physical and emotional pain. PLEASE... I had a doctor(s) prescribe very strong pain killers 60 pills for a three day period for YEARS... It was CRAZY but here is the difference.. I didn't blame anyone else.

I started stealing ( not food) just DEA numbers to feed my habit... but I didn't blame the doctors while I shoved them down my gullet. See, the doctors prescribed meds... YOU took them. You can't blame the doctors. No ONE forced them down your throat AND you did KNOW what you were doing when you took them. You are smarter than you are giving yourself credit for.

I could have lost my children... Lord knows I lost the respect of those I loved... but I didn't blame THEM... People can only watch you destroy your life so far, they try to be there for you but guess what.. they can only take so much too. Sometimes we need to step up and recognize we BLEW it. It is so much more healing to just admit where you went wrong in the relationship. This way you can learn from it and move on and not make the same mistakes. These are tough words but come on... MAN UP!

I had a probation officer... it was humilating.. he wasn't a great time or a paticularly nice person... but I didn't blame HIM. I walked in every month dropped clean urine, showed up on time... no excuses.

I didn't blame the judge, I didn't blame the pharmacist, I didn't blame the employers that fired me, I didn't blame circumstance, I didn't blame my physical problems and I didn't think that God didn't love me. Am I better than you? NO! But I got REAL with ME. None of it could have happened if I hadn't LET it.

The bible says we are to forget the things that are behind and press forward... but you are stuck because you won't take full responsibility.

Some things are simply out of our control.. but you need to go back, figure out REALLY what you could have stopped before it started and work from there.

The good news is.. we serve a merciful God.. so much more full of grace and understanding than we can imagine. But you are going to stay stuck until you pick up the ball where you left it... Then you need to get right with the Lord, repent and asked for his help. Asked that he put the right people into your life again. Take some of the advice you have been given by others here to step in the right direction. But until you come clean with yourself... you will not progress. Don't despise correction... it is the fastest way out of the pain.

That's my thoughts as a Christian woman. It may be not as nice as everyone.. but... I tell it like I see it. :) Good Luck.

NOTE... I added more to this post because I was in a hurry the first time I wrote it.. .

Jun 4, 2010, 09:33 AM

shannongilmour

Thank you! You know sometimes it takes a kick in the behind to give us that bump into the future we need.

We are responsible for our actions and our reactions, and I'm thankful that you took responsibility for your life, this what God calls us to do because we have to get it together and keep it together because no one will retain our salvation for us!

Glad you are alive and WELL to see your glorious future in Him!

Well Done!

Jun 4, 2010, 03:40 PM

paraclete

Jeff reading your account I don't really see evidence of Jesus in your life and so the place to start is there, turn everything that has happened over to him, forgive where foregiveness is needed, seek foregiveness where that is needed and commit yourself to Jesus. Sometimes the only job left we are qualified for is helping others so look for opportunities and go door to door if needs be looking for work, Ask God to help you and give him something to work with

Aug 15, 2010, 10:42 AM

josh.w.g

Jeff I'm kind of in the same boat but I have never been where you have been. I'm reading the stuff that the people are saying here I feel like god is inportent in our everyday lifes but god gave us freedom of well he can't make the choices for us but he can lead us to the right choices I have lost my job and had to go back to my mom&dads but I have learned that I need to pick up and do for myself because no one will do it for me pick up and do something for yourself that will hep you fine the right path to take I have not always been a god man but when I turn to him and tell him I need help I some how get it I jsy want to tell you and all that reads this I was in a really bad slace in my life and I wanted to kill myself I tried and lucky I didn't I asked god to help me find what I need to make me happy I found a good girl and had a good job now I'm back to ground zero a gain because of some bad choics I made so I have to go back and take care of that before I can move on there's a saying if you think you have it bad there's all ways someone who has it worse god bless you take him in tell him that's on your mind and let him show you the way I need to do the very same thing again I got off my road and now I'm trying to get back to the place I was before I went off corse I now you will make it if you have him in your life

Aug 17, 2010, 03:26 AM

quinton87

Dude, forget faith in religion - what you first need is faith in yourself. And for that you should go to whatever extent you can - be it art classes, psychological counseling, or whatever. You need to spend time on yourself and then use yourself as a guiding principle in life. It's true that **** happens, but giving up is never an option because life goes on.
You don't need Jesus or Allah or whatever if you don't have yourself. Get yourself first. Believe in you. :)