The Better Man Files - How to Negotiate

Lessons in the fine art of negotiation

LIEUTENANT MICHAEL ALBANESE, officer in charge of the LAPD SWAT team and cadre leader of crisis negotiation, knows a thing or two about talking to people. After all, his average day includes saying things like "How about releasing the children and senior citizens?" This may differ from your attempts to renegotiate a late fee at Blockbuster or ask the boss for a raise, but the fundamentals are the same. (Albanese says so, and we're not about to contradict him.) Just leave the Kevlar and battering ram at home.

1) KEEP IT INFORMAL. "I never get on the negotiating phone and say, 'This is Lieutenant Michael Albanese, special agent in charge of LAPD SWAT, cadre leader, do you have hostages?' and all that. Instead, it's just, 'I'm Mike from the LAPD. Is this Jim? What's going on inside there?' "

2) SPEAK AT STEVEN WRIGHT'S SPEED. "If the other person is increasingly anxious, don't try to keep up with his or her fast pace and heightened delivery. Keep your voice monotone and flat, but still be reflective and caring."

3) ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS. "Try to get more than just yes or no answers. I don't say, 'Will you come out?' I say, 'Tell me why you don't feel comfortable coming out.' "

4) REPEAT AFTER THEM. "A main part of negotiating is being able to capture the other person's thoughts and mirroring their words back to them so they know you're listening."

5) NO DOESN'T MEAN NO. "Don't accept a no answer. If they give a firm no, I say, 'I can understand it, but maybe in a while, when you're ready to, you'll come out.' "

6) IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SAY IT, DON'T. "You can be sure that if right before you say something you're thinking about how good it'll feel, then two minutes later you'll be saying, 'Why did I open my mouth?' Avoid zingers. If you return a product, don't say, 'It's broken. Typical, huh?' Say, 'I understand you're having some problems with this particular model.' "

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