Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)

This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.

It allegedly took nearly a month to make the marriage official because the people Britney hired to do her thinking for her had one collective heart attack when they heard about Britney's "surprise" wedding and insisted she make K-Fed sign a prenuptial agreement before the marriage was for real, which is one of many times they saved her millions from being flushed down the toilet. Britney was reportedly worth $32 million at the time of her wedding to K-Fed.The bottom line is that Kevin is going to be a Wal-Mart greeter in the next 6 months.Kevin Federline's new album, Playing With Fire, debuted on the U.S. album charts at #151 with around 6,000 copies sold.In December 05, Us Magazine described the pre-nup:1.)K-Fed won’t touch a penny of Britney’s money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way.2.)The mansion will be divided 50/50.3.)Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.4.)Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he’ll have money until at least a year from now.5.)Spears won’t pay child support.

***[UPDATE]***Kevin Federline has responded to his estranged wife's divorce petition. Federline is asking for legal and physical custody of the couple's children. Sources tell TMZ that Federline will fight Spears on the custody issue. In the response, obtained by TMZ, Federline is asking the judge to award Spears visitation. Federline is also asking the court to award him spousal support. Source.

Honey, there just isn’t any room for you

A doggie cage for your car door? Clever?

The "BreezeGuard" is a protective cage that mounts into a car door allowing dog passengers to enjoy the breeze in safety.

Sue Stipanovich, who started the business of making BreezeGuards, says the inspiration came when she witnessed a truck in front of her with a dog perched out the window. She was so shocked by this that she couldn't stop thiking about it all day long, but managed to turn her anxiety into productivity by inventing the BreezeGuard.

Baby thown out of car, slides under a house?

A little baby was thrown 15 feet out of a crashed car and survived. The 16-month-old was in the hospital on Wednesday, recovering from the hit and run crash.

A driver ran into the infant’s mother's car in St. Petersburg, Florida, sending the baby flying out of the rear window. Moments later, a neighbor spotted the baby boy underneath a house.

"I was going to actually cut a hole in my floor with a saw to pull him straight out, because I was very concerned for the child," said homeowner Joshua Pegues. The boy was given CPR and taken to the hospital. He is expected to be okay. Police said he was not buckled into his car seat. Article here.

Anderson Cooper tattoo on your leg? WTF?

Women not in the mood for sex? Try the patch.

A floral-scented patch claims to ignite a woman's sex drive by mimicking dopamine in the brain without putting chemicals into the user's bloodstream.

Women who use the clear patch Scentuelle are instructed to put it on their wrist and smell it every hour, the sticker contains a secret combination of scent molecules.

The company that makes Scentuelle said it is not like other pills and potions. "It does not enter the bloodstream," Scentuelle representative Hillary Reynolds said. "Really, it works on the mind versus the body. It is supposed to mimic dopamine."

Dopamine is a feel-good chemical produced in the brain that, according to some sex therapists, plays an important role in a woman's sexual energy.

"What recent research is showing is that during initial stages of a relationship when you are in that initial infatuation stage, when they look at brain images of people in that state, their dopamine centers of their brains all lit up," Sex therapist Laura Berman said.

Neurologist Alan Hirsch, who has studied the connection between scent and sex for years, said smell may help women by reducing anxiety and removing inhibitions. "We have not actually studied this specific patch; however, there may be some method of how it works," Hirsch said. "It might work through the placebo effect."

This might be the worst song ever written.

This is quite possibly a contender for the year's worst song - however it's set to top the charts at Christmas.

Newcomers "El Chombo" — two obscure guys called "Rodney" and "Andy" from Panama’s Reggaeton scene — are currently massive stars on the Internet with their bizarre tune "Chacarron". The song became a hit with holidaymakers in the Caribbean’s Dutch Antilles and the video arrived on YouTube.

Borat poses for a picture, “thatz nice!”

The real 'O.C.' is pissed at MTV's portrayal

Here is what can happen when a picturesque beach town becomes the subject of a wildly popular MTV reality show. Teenage girls from around the country dragoon their parents to the town, with the hope of catching a glimpse of high school seniors dating, arguing, breaking up and dating again in between their visits to a Mexican resort.

Reports of drinking and drug use among high school students increase. Rumors of sexual predators churn. Instead of being known for lovely mountain views and salt-kissed breezes, the O.C. becomes associated with the facts that Tessa is sad that her boyfriend would not talk to her at a barbecue and that Cami racked up a $4,000 shopping bill.(how pathetic)

Three years after MTV set up shop here to chronicle the lives and travails of wealthy Laguna Beach High School seniors, whose concerns appear to center chiefly on sexual encounters and fashion accessories, some residents are saying enough is enough. “This is not depicting our town the way it should be depicted,” said Lisa Arthur, who has two children in the school and one who graduated. “Our town is about art and culture, and school should be about education.”

A board member seeking re-election, Betsy Jenkins, said that MTV arrived intending to make the show with or without the district’s acquiescence and that she should not be held accountable. “There was some thought we could control content,” Ms. Jenkins said. “They were calling it a documentary at the time. Of course, no one would have O.K.’d the show that came to be.”

MTV executives said that no permission was sought — or needed — to film students away from school and that although the school board had originally agreed to let the cable network shoot in the school for the pilot of “Laguna Beach: The Real OC,” that permission was quickly rescinded amid parents’ concerns that it would be disruptive. As a result, a vast majority of the show is shot in private houses, the executives said. Click here to read the full two-page article.

Cornbrator? Hyper wank? WTF?

The other MySpace... MyDEATHSpace.com?

We all have heard of MySpace.com, a networking website that has attracted millions of users. Two years on, a more sinister site has emerged. It began when Mike Patterson, from San Francisco, read about a father who had brutally murdered his family and then committed suicide.

Curious to find the names of the children, Patterson, 25, searched the web and found a profile of the murdered daughter on MySpace. He began scanning the pages of other members whose deaths had been in news reports. And MyDeathSpace.com was born.

It gives detailed accounts of how people were shot, poisoned or injured in car crashes. It also exposes convicted murderers who belong to MySpace. The site has received mixed reactions - about '75 per cent hate mail and 25 per cent fan mail', Patterson says.

Most profiles are of young people killed in drink-related car accidents, and some families believe they act as a warning. A recent profile was of a teenager who had listed his interests as 'alcohol, beer, booze, cocktails, drink, hard drink, hard liquor, inebriant, intoxicant, liqueur, liquor, mixed drink, spirits, wine'. Article here.--The first time I browsed mydeathspace.com, it was an eerie experience. What was extremely difficult was ‘the order’ in how you viewed these people lives online. First, you start off by reading how the person died from real news articles listed here, then when you ‘click through’ you are taken to their real MySpace profile. It was extremely disheartening and to read about their lives before they died. All their pictures and friends still remain on their profile – like they are still alive. What was interesting is most people’s MySpace profile had turned into ‘virtual tombstones’. Friends and family use the comment section as a way to ‘speak’ to the person, and leave messages even though they had passed away.

All in all, mydeathspace.com has good intentions – but to be quite honest, it’s hard to not get choked up reading about someone before and after their death. Check out the website here by clicking here.

"So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."

"I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."

"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."

"You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with
applebutter"

"Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got
carnations.'"

"I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the
beach."

"I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."

"Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"

"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."

"She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your
eyebrows"

"I think pregnant ladies are scary"

"I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"

"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"

"I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even
taken the book out of the saran wrap."

"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."

"You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"

"Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"

"Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"

"[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert

"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell
you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this
is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a
thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and
a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’
[short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a
little bit, later bye."

"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"

"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."

"You would of been funny in the 80's"

"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"

"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."