How To Make Me Come

“Make them achieve orgasm”.

The message read: “Imagine you could give this essay to a past or future sexual partner, free of judgment or repercussion. What would you want them to know?”

The women who have stepped up to the challenge not only know their stuff, they know how to deliver it. Some are poets, others are comics. And they’re all connoisseurs of their own desire; experienced outdoorswomen navigating their way through the bush.

So Guys, here is the top five tips the ladies gave: on the hidden topic of Female orgasm: It is going to be an education we hope, and we welcome this, as it appears a lot of guys are in grave need of this info:

1. Masturbation: We’re really good at it.

I come a lot when I’m alone.

If the title of the blog doesn’t make it obvious enough, women are really good at getting themselves off. Really good. The mentality tends to be: No one knows my body better than me, and some of my best orgasms have been those administered by my own hand. Good for me.

To the women who haven’t been masturbating, I would say, start. Now. Right now. For those already in love with the act of self-love, congrats. You’ve experienced some of the best orgasms you’re likely to encounter in this life. You know what turns you on and you know how to act on it. The only thing left to do is share that information with your lovers.

One contributer writes, “Once you discover what works for you, you MUST then go teach it.” If you ignore this advice, you may end up like the woman who writes, “My pillow has been the only thing that has consistently made me come.”

Here’s the other thing about masturbation: you don’t always have to do it alone. As one woman advises, “Feel free to ask to watch me touch myself. If you haven’t already, LEARN TO FIND THIS HOT.”

2. Most women really like receiving oral sex.

In the words of comedian Amy Poehler, “If you don’t eat pussy, keep walking.” Sure, there are women who don’t like receiving oral, but if this blog can teach us anything, it’s that those individuals are in the minority. Overwhelmingly, it appears, women like having someone go down on them.

That doesn’t really come as a big surprise. Statistics tell us that as much as 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Oral sex is a great way to deliver said stimulation. In the quest for equal-opportunity orgasms, it’s probably best to begin with equal-opportunity oral. As one woman writes, “Don’t tell [women] EVER that you don’t go down on girls. Unless you are willing to live a life without blowjobs, this is an unacceptable thing to say. Your dick doesn’t taste that great either!”

And it’s not just about getting the deed done, it’s about taking pride in the art. Tips like,“Act like you enjoy it. Wait, no. ACTUALLY ENJOY IT,” are inarguably the best way to combat concerns like, “What do I look like from his angle? Do I taste bad? Is he enjoying this? Is he getting tired? He must be tired. Is his tongue hurting? Should I just tell him to stop to put us both out of our misery?”

For the guys who simply “aren’t into it,” well, that’s a real shame — for everyone involved. One woman writes about that common concern, “What if he’s one of ‘those guys’ that doesn’t eat pussy?” She follows this up with a second thought: “Funny how there’s never one of ‘those girls’ that doesn’t suck cock, right?”

But my favorite piece of advice is simply, “Eat pussy.”

3. Most of us have faked it.

Most women can act as well as Meryl Streep in the bedroom.

Apologies, gentleman, but it’s true. If you’ve been having sex long enough, chances are you’ve been with a faker at one point. Yes, even you.

We’ve all got our own reasons. Sometimes we want to reward our partners for their efforts, fruitless but appreciated nonetheless. Sometimes it seems like a better idea than just lying there. And sometimes, we do it because we just want to get sex over with. It’s not often malicious and not always because the sex is bad. It’s mainly that most of us women have it in our heads that an enthusiastic lover is better than one who falls flat in the sack. Hell, I may not always be genuine, but I’ll be dammed if I read as boring.

In an address to her former lovers, one woman writes, “First things first, I have a confession to make: I haven’t been completely honest with say….70% of you. You were led to believe that you made me orgasm and I’m so sorry to say…you did not…ahem…cross the finish line.”

Another writes, “I used to have the horrible habit of lying about coming, though. I never would turn down sex with a boyfriend just because I was tired or didn’t feel like it—I thought it was my obligation to at least pretend to enjoy sex all the time.”

“After an extended period of commendable sexual activity results in orgasmic flat-line for some me-based reason, I will fake an orgasm. I fake as encouragement for a job well done,” writes another.

Of course, the better you get to know your partners, the better you become at reading them. One woman offers up this bit of encouragement: “If she does have a G spot orgasm, you will know, you will goddam know. It’s like when Dorothy Gale’s house lands after being in the tornado…she opens up the door and life is in color. She’s in Oz.”

But if you haven’t gotten there with your partner yet, how do you avoid the theatrics? Read on.

4. “If you actually are interested in what makes me orgasm, just ask.”

What the women on this blog make clear is that there are a lot of things you (guys) can do to help us achieve orgasm. There are also a lot of things to avoid. Want to find out what they are? Ask. Keep the channels of communication open. And it works the other way, too. If you happen to have a certain fantasy, a certain kink, well, talk to us about it.

It doesn’t mean we’re going to get off on it, but informed attempts to get us there almost always beat out blind surprises.

Some women aren’t comfortable voicing what they want in the bedroom. That’s unfortunate, and perhaps those women should follow in the footsteps of the women who are. After all, what good is a school without teachers? A tour without a guide? Docility, while fun for some role-play scenarios, isn’t exactly the best approach to employ when teaching someone about your orgasm.

Of course, most of the blog contributors already know that. As many would argue, the more specific you are in the bedroom, the better.

One woman explains, “You know what is hot? It is so hot when you communicate well and listen with compassion.”

“It’s attention, care, listening and responding of bodies that lay the groundwork for a good orgasm. It’s trust and sharing and vulnerability. We’re naked! So let’s really be naked and worship each other’s nakedness!”

Another more lightly states, “When you wanna give that special lovin’, tongue plus fingers make me shake all night.”

One entry reads, “If every woman throughout the history of mankind had demanded to have an orgasm along with her male partner, we probably would have evolved as a gender that could always orgasm. We need to explain these things to each other so that we can learn.”

Of course, not all contributors are so articulate, like the woman who simply states, “Let me sit on your face.”

5. What works for one woman won’t work for all.

The phrase “different strokes for different folks” is, quite literally, the best I can think of to use in regards to this subject. Yes, women are similar in that we all come armed with the same anatomy. But not all of us use it the same way.

One of the most valuable lessons these 72 entries have taught me is that no two women are identical, and everyone has a preferred way to reach orgasm. The more time I spent reading through the blog entries, the brighter the contrasts among them seemed to shine.

Take, for instance, this woman, who explains, “To stay that relaxed we had to have sex very very very slowly. I mean slow. Slow enough that sometimes, as time would go on, he would lose his erection. Sorry about that. But this is how I learned how to cum.

And I did.” Compare that to this entry: “He switched to two fingers headed slightly upward, brisk but not painful, light and fast and decisive.” Some women like romantic sex, personal and passionate, like the woman who writes, “Yes, this whole kissing my body making me beg for it thing is cliché but that’s because it’s fucking hot and it fucking works and most guys are lazy as fuck and don’t do it.”

Others don’t care for romance, like the author of this entry, who, when recounting a past encounter, explains, “His tone of voice was somewhere between autistic and psychopathic. He was just using me as a place to cum. I love that feeling.”

There are certain things you can do the “right” way and certain things you can do the “wrong” way. Sex isn’t one of them. The bottom line is, everyone is different. The best thing you can do as a lover is embrace whoever it is you have in front of you.