3.27.2006

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and we've decided there isn't enough room in sports for both of these two dog mascots: Cleveland's Moondog and George Mason's Gunston. To the comparison chart:

SHTICK:

Moondog: A dog..... from the Moon.....Gunston: A fat-ass green dog that happens to love patriotism and college hoopsAnalysis: Both are equally absurd, but we want a mascot that can ball....

Winner: Moondog

IN ACTION

Moondog: Hypes it with the KingGunston: Regularly fails to get fans on their feetAnalysis: If a picture is worth a thousand words and there are two pictures here, nothing needs to be written.

Edge: Moondog

POPULARITY WITH THE LADIES

Moondog: Like R. Kelly, always finds the teenagers in the crowd

Gunston: Sticks to his GMU girls

Analysis: How old are those girls, Moondog?! Well, we have to admit they are hotter than Gunston's girls. Don't worry Moondog, we are already figuring out how to get you tried in actual years in there's a lawsuit.

Edge: MoondogHOBBY

Moondog: Figuring out how a typewriter worksGunston: Real estate mogulAnalysis: Look at those pieces of Moondog's paper on the desk. Man, it must be really hard to do with paws and no opposable thumbs. As for Gunston, we hate when people schmooze with old, powerful, white guys.

Edge: Moondog

PROUDEST MOMENT

Moondog: Beating Paul Pierce after challenging him to backward half-court shotsGunston: Reaching the Final Four

Analysis: We were at the game when Moondog put Paul Pierce on blast - we are still in shock. As for Gunston, we love the Patriots, but he can't really call the accomplishment "his". Look, he's not even in the celebration photos with scrubs in the background.

Edge: Moondog

SKELETON IN THE CLOSET

Moondog: Forced to testify before Congress on steroidsGunston: Has an unhealthy obsession with Elvis

Analysis: Gunston is just creeping us out now. In Moondog's case, almost everyone interviewed was assumed to be guilty, but how can one defend themself when they can't speak?! Sammy Sosa definitely jacked this idea off Moondog...

Edge: Moondog

FINAL RESULT:

MOONDOG WINS UNANIMOUSLY

Gunston: we expect your head on our desk first thing tomorrow morning....

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