Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Feelin' Epiphanic

Here we are, then: Epiphany. The finish line. I cleared the triple hurdle of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve with no more than a bruised knee and periodic outbreaks of flop sweat.

And how, my dears, are you?

Are you perhaps thinking, as I do, that it might be nice if we spread the winter holidays out just a shade more? Frontloading all the Big Stuff into forty days is an appalling strain on the nerves, not to mention the finances.

It also leaves one staring forlornly across the frozen tundra without the comforting beacon of even one really good all-inclusive reason to get down and boogie. Valentine’s Day is for couples. St Patrick’s Day is for the Irish. Easter is too damned early in the morning.

And when I speak of the frozen tundra, remember that I live in Chicago, where global warming is something that only happens to other people. Come March, when we could really use it, the holiday glow has long since fizzled to a heap of dead ashes. So we huddle indoors, eating and drinking too much–kinda like Christmas, except that without decorations and presents and Very Special Episodes of “Gossip Girl” it’s mostly just depressing.

I haven’t felt my toes since late November. And according to the scum-sucking hag weather lady* our present blast of cold air is about to be supplemented by an additional blast** plus a blizzard.

At a time like this, knitting ceases to be a fiber art. It becomes a martial art. Me and my yarn versus frostbite and cabin fever. And if Old Man Winter throws down with me, he’s going to get a US 7 right in the groin shins.

He'd better steer clear of my posse, too. Especially this one.

"You know what would be great in these?A slug of bourbon."

In case you don't recognize her, that is my Exceptional Niece Abigail,™ just a shade over two-and-half years old and already a dab hand at mixing our family's traditional butter cookies.

I arrived at Abigail's house in a gray mood, disinclined to rock around the Christmas tree. She was such a tonic to my nerves that a few days later, when Santa landed on the hearth rug, I forgot to kick him in the nuts shins.

One highlight of my stay was a guided tour of her stuffed animal collection. What began in 2007 with a cow and a bunny is now the largest private zoo in the Western hemisphere. It rivals, both in numbers and biodiversity, the population of the Serengeti Plain.

But the animals are as nothing when compared to the babies. Abigail has in her care enough infants to make Mrs. Duggar pay a call on Planned Parenthood. They're quite literally everywhere. On the couch, the windowsill, the stairs. Under the kitchen table. In the bathroom. They drip from the eaves. They clog the gutters.

"Let's play Count the Handknits."

To keep track of so many, Abigail has had to eschew traditional names like Wilma and Cherise in favor of more starkly descriptive labels like Naked Baby. This is Naked Baby.

"Form is emptiness. Emptiness is form."

Naked Baby arrived wearing clothes, but they were removed within minutes and haven't been seen since. Her only concession to modesty is this burping cloth sarong, which I think makes her look like a mendicant Buddhist nun.

This is Hair Baby, so called in recognition of her crop of brushable, tuggable hair.

Band-Aid Baby, who has an oval logo on her knee that looks like a Band-Aid. (Abigail is fond of Band-Aids and often applies them decoratively, like temporary tattoos.)

New Baby. No longer, strictly speaking, new; but retains the title out of courtesy.

Mexico Baby, who short-circuited after falling down the stairs and now speaks only Spanish.

Pajama Baby, who came in a car seat. We expected she would be christened Car Seat Baby, but Abigail likes to throw a curve ball now and then.

Christmas Knitting

Christmas knitting was very subdued this year. No great plans, no big surprises.

Last year, I knit my first pair of mittens as a gift for Abigail. Through the entire Maine winter they kept her hands warm and dry, and they wore like iron; but by first snow this year, she'd outgrown them. So I presented a new pair.

These are improvised along Norwegian lines, by way of Elizabeth Zimmermann in Knitting Around. The orange blossoms are out of left field. I think Dolores slipped something into my Virgin Egg Nog.

Not fancy, but she seemed taken with them and they've already seen action.

"I call them Romulus and Remus."

There was also a sweater, of course. Here's a peek, while I await the full photographs of her in it. If it looks familiar, it's because you've seen it here once before.

"Get off my front porch before I call the cops."

I made some small tweaks to Abby's version, because apparently I can't even knit my own patterns as written.

I've been thinking about and working on socks, too; but more about that after I've polished off the last box of chocolate. (If you eat Christmas candy after Epiphany, the calories count.)

*I know. The weather lady is just doing her job. But I hate the way she smiles when she says, “Stay inside or die.”

118 comments:

Hope all is well. Hope we can catch up soon. I need you to show me how to do something. Although I read the instructions (with yarn and needle in hand) I still can't wrap my head around knitting on a lace edging. And in 23000 stitches I have 1152 rows of edging to knit.

I was bummed our paths didn't cross this year, but it sounds like the holidays were action-packed for both of us. I'm very much in agreement with Sue about you and Tom needing to come visit in the summer. Two words - Ogunquit Playhouse.

And just when we thought we had Abigail's naming tendencies all figured out, she gave a little stuffed dog an Actual Name. Up til this point the animals, like the babies, just had names like Brown Bear, Wiggle Puppy, Spotty Dog, and Teddy Goat (What. It's from Tibet.) Out of the blue, two days ago, Abby began playing with Sahmi (Sawme? Somi? Dunno. She doesn't spell...yet). Sahmi is a blue and white puppy with a name tag that reads Tully (irrelevant, obviously) that she's had since she was a baby. Just thought you all should know. Oh, and Franklin's new sweater for Abigail is Positively GORGEOUS!

I am Norwegian, living in wonderful, but veeery cold, Norway. I am sure that Christmas were decided on just to make us survive the cold, dark season. However, no one tells us how to get from January to April... It's dismal! Knitting is sheer necessity.

Thank you for such an uplifting post. I hardly recognized your niece - so grown-up already. The mittens are just gorgeous as well. We'd love for you to join our January kal of NaKniMitMo on Ravelry. Mittens + cold weather = love and survival!

We may be responsible for the weather that we merely call "winter"! BUT, at least we celebrate Thanksgiving when the harvest is ready, like early October. None of these "harried Holidays" for us...no, no...we enjoy our Thanksgiving Turkey and are ready to eat another one in late December. Enjoy that cold weather!!!

OMG! Is that the "big Tupperware bowl" in its original yellow color? I saw THAT right away and had a flashback! MY bowl is school bus yellow and is probably 30 years old but I still remember, as a child, the yellow color.

Abigail is gorgeous and makes me wish my 3 girls were small again. I still remember sitting all three of them on the kitchen island with a bowl of frosting, cupcakes and plastic knives.......

Have a super day, Franklin! If you see my daughter, Beth, buzzing around on her black and baby pink bike, wearing black and a hot pink crocheted hat and scarf, tell her Mom says hi!

What a man, leaves Chicago for a vacation in Maine. In the winter. Well, I live in Los Angeles, and during my long winter break, I have planned a trip this week to Maine to visit parents and sister, followed by a visit to daughter in Chicago in February. Why don't any of my friends and family live in the south of France, huh?

Happy New Year! In Pre-Reformation Europe the "holiday season" continued with feasts and celebration through the winter, all leading up to Lady Day on March 25 (the "original" new year, and used as the new year in England until the 18th century) and ultimately Easter. Being Jewish we've got two holidays to help pull through the winter: Purim - costumes, noisemakers, booze, need I say more? and Passover- cooking, eating, and a 4 glass of wine minimum. Plus the added bonus of all holidays starting at sundown.

Your niece is delightful.My daughter also showed similar creativity when naming her dolls - pink baby, blue baby, green baby. Now that she is older (8) she has taken to naming her dolls and stuffed animals after her school friends. It is endearing, although slightly odd.

Change in my plans for the weekend...I have had this respiratory crud since New Years and it just won't go away....it is probably better if I don't try and infect the entire population....sorry I am going to miss it, I was really looking forward to all three classes.

It's nice to see you back! I hope the cold (ugh!) has departed at last. I only *wish* the holidays were over. In our house, Christmas is followed by my husband's birthday (this Saturday), Aunt's birthday (this Sunday) and closely followed by Valentine's Day and our anniversary (April). Not necessarily "sad panda" so much as "pooped panda".

There are no toes, just cubes of ice that someone stuck in our shoes. I tell myself that I need to add special socks to my inventory (smart wool), but I feel bad that my own sock knitting efforts aren't warm enough.

Franklin, I read your blog at work (of course) and have to keep my laughing quiet (difficult to do) but just can't help myself when the tears start rolling down my cheeks (which makes my co-workers wonder why I'm crying at work)(maybe they just think I'm the hysterical lady in the corner office). Thank you so much for making my day!

It's not our fault! Honestly it isn't. I think it came to Canada from Russia. The tears are frozen permanently to my cheekbones. The dog thinks I am the devil went I let the poor thing out. IT'S NOT OUR FAULT! IT WAS THE ONE ARMED WEATHERWOMAN!

I read 'comforting beacon' as 'comforting bacon'. I think that says everything you need to know. It's just as well children don't realize how much we love them, or they would take over the world. If you have time, click through to my blog post for 30 December for another angel. Happy New Year, and thanks for all the posts.

Wow. I really could have used a dose of Abigail's cuteness- babies, menagerie and all- this holiday season!! To say I was a bit rough around the edges due to holiday stress would be the understatement of the decade. I love my eight & ten year old boys beyond measure, but neither one fits in my lap anymore!! You were fortunate enough to enjoy the best "tonic" there is. Nothing beats the sweetness & pure love that small children give so freely and openly.

Oh hell, Franklin, I love you shamelessly, our obvious differences notwithstanding. You're what I want to be when I grow up. Well...ok, so we ARE both grown up, but in neither case is it obvious. "Oh hai, iz myrrh". Yep, I love you.

because of the long frozen tundra ahead, and no holidays worth celebrating, I leave up my christmas tree till st patricks day and I don't care what anyone says. It's little twinkly lights cheer me up on the cold gray dreary days of winter. And I live in California.. imagine if I lived in the REAL tundra.. I'd have to set the house on fire to chase away the blues...

Hey! Don't blame us here in Canada! When bad weather is heading our way, the weatherfolks tell us it's coming from Texas. I"m not sure how that can be, though. I thought Texas had warm weather. Anyway, 'tis not our fault! :) samm

May I suggest Nerdigras? The rationale: March 5 is 3-5, or 35. 35 squared is 1225, or 12-25. So March 5 is Christmas squared. March 14 is 3-14, Pi Day. March 5-14 are The Ten Days of Nerdigras, a time to celebrate our inner (and outer) geek in whatever way seems appropriate.

Welcome back, Pinocchio. Yes, we really DO believe you were drinking "Virgin Egg Nog" -- before you corrected the drink's "seasoning."

Abby is adorable. And, having two sisters and four nieces, I can attest that nearly every little girl Abigail's age has a Naked Baby (NB).

The NB may not be named "Naked Baby," but there will be one around the house. Like Abby's, the NB may come with clothes. It may even have a 50-piece wardrobe and be sold as "Baby Clothes Horse." But once the doll is naked, it will be naked forever more. It is also likely to be the child's favorite doll and/or weapon. (You really don't know all the shades of pain if you've never been knee-capped by a toddler swinging a baby doll!)

The Naked Baby will also be followed by a Naked Barbie (NB v. 2.0) within a few years.

Franklin you need to move to Australia, where we don't do Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year fall smack in the middle of summer. You can recover between and after the holidays by going to the beach or lazing by the pool.Emily

Abigail is very similar to my daughter in some of her tastes. Decorative band-aids will last until she's nearly ready for kindergarten, I predict. We had several babies also, and the mountain of stuff animals in her room is as big as she is, and she's now 8 1/2. Amazing how kids are so consistent.

Franklin-- love your blog. Loved the Seasonal card --- took me a while to interpret it but when I did I split my sides laughing. It really does look as if BJ is saying "Don't want it".Loved the shot of you on the latest issue of Verena --- I remember when you blogged about your trip to Skacel.

Your niece is beautiful --- thanks for capturing those childhood moments -- I had two boys and I loved that age -- I sometimes wish I could time travel back to them and scoop them up for a cuddle.

I have a friend in Missouri who gives us her weather report on Facebook, and we get it in southwestern Ontario the next day. Every time. Love the mittens; they are beautiful. Abigail looks so much older; she's so cute. Happy New Year, Franklin...and please post more. We miss you when you are quiet.

I laughed until the tears came over the babies. We have a similar number of enfants and naming system here (bathtub baby, soft baby, and other bathtub baby to name a few). Suddenly, it doesn't seem quite so cold in New York.

I can't stop laughing about the weather lady!!! Being in Chicago as well, I can only assume that you are talking about "Trixie" (as I like to call her) Butler!

If feeling adventerous, you could use the Winter Olympics as your next thing to look forward to, that's my plan. Besides, they only happen every 4 years and they give me the perfect "excuse" to plant myself for 2 1/2 weeks and knit without interuption from the hubster asking "what are we going to do today/tonight?" (which my usual response to him is "get a hobby, I could teach you to how to knit!"

I remember feeling nonplussed when I first heard of celebrating Thanksgiving in November. Weird! I NEED the two months after Thanksgiving to get ready for Christmas. Yours seem awfully close together.

As for January, it IS a problem. I'm looking back to my pagan roots. Apparently Yule is celebrate-able quite a way into January. I'm off to do some Yule-tide merry-making! Wishing you some of the same.

My goodness I needed a good giggle and your recount of the impending and long-standing winter gloom gave my many such giggles. While I have left the tundra of new england, I seem to have landed in a temporary frozen lot near dallas, its a whopping 18 degrees right now. I feel and appreciate the need for knitting as martial art. Love the gifts for Abby...spring is on the way, hopefully :)

Good to hear that you've survived another holiday marathon. I agree, let's move Thanksgiving to the same day as Canada (gives quite a few more weeks of prep time) and create some sort of new holiday for end of Feb/early March, when winter has just become way too much to bear. Maybe the whole decorate the outside of the house in miles of lights could move to the new hoiday?

Mittens are fabulous...the left field orange blossoms totally set off the pattern...I'm sure I'll want to copy sometime.

Franklin, we frontload the holidays like that because back the olden days, it was that or let a lot of perishable harvested things perish. :( So we feasted the crap out of the beginning of winter on the stuff that wouldn't keep back when preserving food mostly meant drying it or large quantities of salt. The food deprivation part of Lent? That's just because that's what's in the larder at that point. ;)

I feel your Midwestern winter pain, though. When the high temp for the day is in the single digits (or even the *negative* digits) all you can do is bundle up inside and work on something soothing. I'm contemplating a couple of sweaters right now, one in Linus and one in Jasper (merinooooo...sigh). Who gets to be warm first, me or the husband? Hmmmmmm....

Geesh aren't we grumpy - dearest, you live in CHICAGO!!!! Although an interesting city it's one that gets my vote for worst weather - ever! Humid and wretched in the summer, mostly windy all the time and humid and awful bone penetrating biting cold in the winter -- and I lived for six years in Minnesota so I get to say that! FL is freezing my buns off right now so I know you must be suffering, but again....it's CHICAGO!!!

I did perk right up, as you seemed to, at your mention of The Babies...oh my! Fun-ny! Kids are the best and the most natural of comedians. Glad you enjoyed her! She certainly got an amazingly beautiful present in the form of mittens and a sweater.

Hope you had a HAPPY NEW YEAR! -- even tho' you do live in CHICAGO!!! :D--elizaduckie

I forgot to mention...when did your niece get so big??!? Last I remember, she was a cute little baby and you scrambled to get a christening blanket done and then a cute little "politician's sweater" done. Now, she's a cute little girl. Next thing I know, it'll be next week and she'll be a cute big college valedictorian!

just discovered your blog but loving it so much already. you are an antidote to the soulemama variety that I do indulge in but have left me with a sticky sick feeling after too many reads and must be tempered with posts like yours. (in fact my own blog probably needs to be counteracted with one like yours too.)as a new knitter I was thrilled to find you to keep me company in my new hobby.

With all the careening about you've been doing lately you'd think you'd be carrying around a bag of travel socks to be knitting so you aren't running around Chicago with numb feet. Then again if you're nice I could knit you a pair if only I knew your shoe size. I remember them being rather elfin.

Soooooo funny! My daughter's baby collection is sure to rival your niece's. She names her animals like that, eg. 'Pink kitty' but her babies are named things like 'Vaniller' and 'Sugar Rainbow' and 'Horna'... must be from my great-grandmother who named her daughters: LVera Adrienne, Ivetta, and Irma Clara. Stay warm!

Those baby names really cracked me up - seriously, I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! My daugher names all her babies and stuffed animals boy names, Chip and Jack are favorites. Your niece is quite clever.

I just discovered your blog and have shared it with everyone I know, even my non-knitting brother. Love, love your enthusiasm and, especially, your biting wit. Maybe I need to graduate beyond scarves, because the 6-yr-old twin boys next door just don't seem to enjoy them as much as your niece delights in your mittens... :-) PS I rolled with joy over her dolls' names.

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