"After 5 years clean,that sound is your head popping out of your ass , after 10 you learn how to use it, and after 15 years you realize you never needed it anyway."

What a cord of recognition this struck when I first heard it (at 10 years recovery). I remember the first 5 years, and how I seemed to be in a haze in the beginning. I spent these years learning how to make sense of and deal with my feelings, my life, relationships, etc. Everything was so new to me and my focus was on recovery and learning how to live life on life's terms.

Once I passed this phase, I did feel as if I had my brains back and I began thinking and planning. What career did I want? How about a future with a family? How could I use my new clarity and focus to twist life to suit my needs and wants? If other people had things, why couldn't I get them, too? And off I went trying to arrange life to meet my expectations.

When I get centered and connected to my Higher Power, though, I see clearly and simply and know that my only real purpose is to do God's work and be of service. It doesn't take a lot of brains to do that, instead it takes listening to my heart and doing what I know is right. When I'm "into action" and not "into thinking" things generally turn out for the best. I just hope I don't have to wait 15 years to accept and consistently practice this.