A Journey through Twin Parenthood

Can’t get TTC out of my head

You want to know what I’ve done all day at work? While I’m busy I’ve been thinking about IVF, TTC, and what tomorrow may hold and then when I’m not busy I’m googling ‘1st ivf attempt success’ and ‘when get bfp after ivf” among other things. Now, I’m even more nervous because those sites I went on looking for encouragement held a bunch of women who wanted me to be realistic and wrote about how many failed attempts they had or some other horrible story. Don’t get me wrong, there were good stories too but those are obviously not the ones that affected me the most. I’m just so worried something will go wrong. I know I need to be realistic and look at the odds but I don’t want to. I want to be successful. I want my body to accept these embryos and carry them to full term.

Here’s a list of my current worries:

There will be no eggs in the follicles tomorrow. None. And we will have failed.

If we have eggs they will all be of poor quality.

The eggs won’t fertilize despite using ICSI.

Something will be wrong with my husband’s fresh sperm sample and they will be unable to use the frozen sample.

The wrong sperm gets used.

I get a call in a couple days to tell me none of the embryos made it.

and on and on and on.

My mind is trying to drive me insane today and I’m not sure what to do to help myself.

I am currently struggling with infertility and am trying to share my experience with others who may be going through the same thing. Right now, my life is focused on conceiving but I also enjoy books, hiking, animals, and I absolutely love to travel.