i was almost an abortion

Sunday, January 22, 2012

it all started swirling,
in my head, in reality.
swirling swirling swirling.
i didn't sleep...
too much noise.
i wasn't awake,
because i was dreaming,
i think,
and i wasn't drunk.
it all moved very slow,
like the ticks of a clock,
waiting and wondering
what would be next.
then he spoke,shattering the idea that i was in fact dreaming,
and brought reality crashing down to it's very core.
it's all been real.
the entire thing,
and Bobby's not waking up this time.
in the time that it took the clock to tock,
everything had changed,
everything's existence was solidified,
and every chance of turning back,
was gone.

lost footage of LIAM, damn when he walked in i almost died.
blue eyed puerto-rican and italian.
good lord.
shot on the 18th story rooftop of the legendary 95 christopher st.
when life was good.

Dear Diary,
it's just as good,
if not better than,
the way i thought it would be.
it was magnificent, flawless, unstoppable fun!
the Albany NY Gay Bear party was tonight.
i saw a daddy bear that was hot as fuck,
but he ignored me.
even though i'm feeling fat, i wasn't enough.
i thought before i left i might die tonight got putting up that song i posted earlier.
but no, i am forced to live out longer in this existence of hidousness i call my life.
but i had fun,
went with a "sober" crew...ALWAYS fun.
and am home by 1:00.
Buddy's in bed,
i'm drifting off,
but thought i'd leave some bear prints in the blog tonight.
xo
Joe