I used to be a raging alcoholic. If you told me twenty-six years ago that one day I’d have everything I ever dreamed of, I’d have called you a liar. This is not to say that my life today is perfect. Far from it. But that’s ok. Compared with my life before I stopped drinking, it’s amazing. My life before was miserable. I was literally at the bottom. Suicidal. Then I heard the voice, listened, and believed. I know it might look like I’m trying to draw attention to myself–but I assure you, I’m not. I only share this because somewhere out there someone else is hopeless. I know. Since originally publishing the post below in 2009, I’ve had dozens of people reach out to me with their story of hopelessness. This is a post for them.

Beyond surrendering, I had nothing to do with my life changing the way it has. I got lucky. This isn’t a personal accomplishment. It’s a testament that when you are willing to show faith, amazing things happen. I am so blessed today and yes, I’ve received everything I ever dreamed of. All because I haven’t had a drink since the day I was given a second chance. Twenty-seven years ago.

**

On August 3, 1991, I heard the voice of God.

I was hung over from the night before and was about to load up on more booze and planned on stepping in front of a train, but for some reason on this day the package store in Hell’s Kitchen that I frequented often decided to ask me for an ID. For a six-pack of beer. Three days before my 27th birthday. I didn’t have a valid ID, however, as I’d succumbed to a nomadic lifestyle at that point– living in and around NYC with no family, no friends, no money, and no proper ID to buy alcohol. I stormed out cursing the manager, and when I stepped into the sunlight–I was blinded. Literally. I shut my eyes, fell to my knees, and heard the voice. It said, “My son you have another chance.”

I don’t know how long I was on my knees out in front of that package store, but I was crying when I finally stood. The ultimate surrender, as it turned out. It was early afternoon, and I went back to my bed at the rooming house and slept till the middle of the next day.

I’ll spare you the gory details of my life before that point, but let me sum it up this way–from the time I was 17 until three days before my 27th birthday, I drank alcoholically and suffered the consequences. I honestly believed I’d be dead by the time I was 30, and had even explored early check out a couple times. It was an enlightening disaster that continues to shape the man I am today. The fact that I turn 54 next week is a miracle.

I know I’m probably losing some of you here because … everyone drinks. Right? Especially in advertising. Especially writers. But I assure you, I’m fine with abstinence. I drank enough over ten years to satisfy most anyone for their lifetime. If you’re out there thinking “He can’t hold his liquor,” that’s just silly. I could hold my liquor. A lot of it. More than you. And that was the problem. As for anyone who thinks I fear alcohol, wrong again. My wife drinks. Hell, I buy her wine. You see, not everyone has DNA that turns them into monsters when they drink. I don’t fear alcohol, I respect it. Finally, for anyone who thinks I’m a religious nut because I heard the voice of God in my head, I’m not. It’s true I hit my knees every day giving thanks for a new chance in life, but I don’t push agendas. I’m just a guy who caught a break. By the grace of God, I have been delivered from the bondage of alcoholism. Other men in my family weren’t as lucky.

Twenty-seven years ago God said to me, “My son, you have another chance.” Boy, was He right. I’ve since learned that God is no dummy. As much as I try to control how things should be in my life, my knowledge about what’s best for me amounts to something like a pimple on God’s ass. Before my epiphany, I couldn’t stop drinking. Once I surrendered, the desire to drink was lifted. I trust God today. And by His grace, I don’t drink. That’s it. I’m no angel. And my reward for showing faith is living a life that’s more beautiful than I ever imagined.

I started this day off the way I’ve started every day for the past twenty-seven years–by rolling from my bed onto my knees to say a simple prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I lost my desire to drink a long time ago. But I think about not drinking every day. Sober.

We all have our demons. Some of us eventually gain the strength to conquer them. Others watch and build courage to “take it on” from success stories like yours.
Congrats on winning and on sustaining a happy lifestyle. Keep it real, and Carpe Diem.
best,
Jeffrey J Davis
@jeffreyjdavishttp://www.jeffreyjdavis.com

You’re right Summer. I’ve since learned that too. Though me hearing has nothing to do with being smart, so much as I was knocked down so far that I had no choice but to listen – or just give up altogether. I’m glad I listened.

Thanks guys. This was one of those posts that is simply just a window into my life – nothing more. Frankly, I had pretty much nothing to do with what has happened to me over time. The only thing I had to accept was that I couldn’t drink anymore. With as much as my life has changed as a result of this enlightenment (and in trusting that God knows more than me about what’s good for me), there is no power on earth that can convince me that drinking again is a good idea.

Jim, Jim, Jim.
What you did here today — telling the world — takes more guts than anything I’ve seen online. Anywhere.
(That includes the very big blogger who recently shared some pretty hard stuff about her childhood abuse… but then went off to get drunk before a colleague arrived.)
Congratulations on 18 years of sobriety — which is a whole lot different than 18 years of “not drinking”. They call it recovery because you get your life back, and you have more than done that in spades.
Yes, you may lose some “pals” or “fans”, but only because they fear your B.S. detector might shine on them. You may also gain some new ones, and even help someone else find their courage. I’m pretty sure that will happen.
I find it insane that many of us feel we have to downplay our spirituality to avoid alienating the tough-talking hard-living crowd that makes up the ad world, and some parts of the online world. Crazy!
If I had to choose whether to work with a brilliant, talented ad person who was often hungover or maybe even still under the influence vs. a brilliant, talented ad person who shows up fully present and ready to move mountains… well, that’s a ‘no brainer’ isn’t it?
Any client worth his or her salt would feel the same. This is way too long for “Comments” but you have really moved me. I am so f-ing proud to know you.
Thank you, Jim, for listening to that voice. And for being for the voice for many of us who can create without being under the influence of anything but a love for life!

I’ll drink to that. Sorry, just had to say that. But a congratulations on all fronts: to the transformation, for the self recognition, to the wisdom that came with it, to the willingness to share. Enjoyed the story. All the way to the 140 character part. Acceptance, determination, strength are all great qualities.

Whew! Powerful stuff. I totally understand about that DNA stuff. I was lucky, very recently, to have occasion to confront my DNA as it relates to alcohol–and it’s not pretty (unlike the nice teeth I inherited). My husband is like your wife. I’m like you. The switch can be turned any time I have a drink. So I mostly turn them down now. Every day is a new lesson. Thank you for sharing yours. And that photo? Chills-inducing. Did you compose it or did it just happen? (You don’t have to tell.)

For me, it was basically just letting go completely and free-falling. At some point things got easier – that’s when faith was rewarded, I think. My only job today is to not drink, and to get humble (getting on my knees). Like I mentioned, I’m no angel. I do a lot wrong every day – I just don’t drink. I still remember what it was like to feel so shitty every morning. I hope I never forget that.
As for the picture, yes, I was holding up the iphone at the beach last month and got lucky. I was considering doing one of those really cool shots of me facing the camera with a sinister look on my face and then darken it to look ominous and introspective for this post – but decided that this one at the beach is more reflective of how happy I am with my life today. Thank you.

Thanks Tracy. But really, I’m nothing special. Just a guy who doesn’t drink. Oh, and who actually heard the voice of God in his head once. In fact, most people would say that’s psychotic. Which is probably also true, but that’s another post altogether.

Late to the game here as I’m just getting caught up on blogs.
1. I just noticed the footnote at the bottom of this page. Humor abounds.
2. Happy birthday!
3. That photo is the perfect one for this. A celebration of serendipity.
4. If the serenity prayer were meant to be shared, it’d be 120 characters long.
5. Seriously. Well done on making a clean go of your life. You express a lot of joy these days and I can only imagine it’s a result of your continued efforts to do the right thing.
I’m glad to know you!

Jim,
I just found your blog on Twitter and have to pile on with a comment. 18 years is quite an achievement so first and foremost congratulations!
I like to drink and don’t consider myself religious (just in Church for the ‘big ones’) but what an amazing post to share your transformation from pretty much rock-bottom to the successful, funny and outgoing person I look for when browsing Twitter! You can be as humble as you want but the persistence to stay sober and the courage to share your story are a pretty remarkable combo. Keep the good stuff coming.
Thanks,
Bobby
@bobbymcdonald

Jim, we barely know each other, but in writing this, you let me peek inside your soul. Vulnerability is a beautiful quality. I have chosen to live my life being vulnerable, despite many assuming I am strong. Yes, I wrap a black belt around my gi, but it’s only a veneer for the shaking little girl on the inside. It is much harder to be courageous in honesty than in physical strength. You are blessed, and I am blessed to have met you. Btw, anyone who would unfollow you after reading this is an ass. Congrats on your beautiful family and your beautiful life.

As the first person I followed who actually carried on a conversation with me, I automatically put you in a special category. Then I met your darling girls – through your Tweets. Now, I know you in a new way. And I celebrate with you, Jim. My eight-year anniversary is coming up Sunday~

Jim, what an amazing story and kudos to you for having the bravery and the courage to share it with the world. Not many people have the strength to quit and not many have the strength to share that story. Congratulations 🙂

massive.
congratulations, jim.
as an unabashed daddy’s girl whose entrepreneur/ad man/copywriter
father nearly got swept away in his own ocean of scotch and whiskey,
until he similarly heard his own version of god 16 years ago,
i can tell you that this action not only saved his life–it saved mine.
time and time again.

I did not know why I followed you on Twitter until this morning when the first post in my timeline was the Serenity Prayer. As someone with many less 24hour timeframes, in fact still struggling through the 1st 6 months of ‘the rest of my life’, your story really spoke to me. I’ve read this post probably 10x, read it to my wife, even shared with a ‘meeting’ tonight, as it was exactly what I needed to hear today. THANK YOU for showing me that it WORKS (if I work it)!

Wow Chuck – glad to hear my story had some impact. I swear when I first quit, I never ever thought I’d last. Not a year. Not a month. Not a day. Nineteen years later? Are you kidding me? It’s ridiculous. And not so hard, once the complete surrender occurred. It’ll happen for you too. Just listen patiently. And trust your ass off that it’ll keep getting better. Because if it didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.

I was drinking when my love, a chaplain, proposed. My life didn’t change immediately. The social life of the bar continued to call me back. Becoming a local pastor’s wife was paralyzing., but God worked through the lives and prayers of His children. I am free!

Hi Jim,
I am often amazed by how open you are about the good things and the bad things in your life. I have a lot of respect for you as a result.
I have never really been a fan of alcohol because I could never drink it without masking the flavor. I removed it as a temptation in my life, and I haven’t had any alcohol to drink for at least 5 years. I don’t miss it. (My German ancestors are probably rolling over in their graves.)
All levity aside, this post is very powerful in its frank coverage of something that was literally killing you. I’m glad that you had your revelation/vision/etc., and that you chose a better path. You make my life richer for knowing you (even if only a little, and virtually at that), so I can only imagine how you enrich the lives of your wife and daughters.
Here’s to many more anniversaries in sobriety!
Regards,
Dieter

Happy (belated) anniversary — and birthday! — to you. I found you through that much-lamented “who to follow” list on Twitter, and clicked on your blog to see what you were about. I’d say I admire your guts for sharing it, but I daresay it takes more guts to live it day-to-day. I kept reading and your writing is incredible. You keep it real without being maudlin or strident. So, whether or not it was your intent, the post got you another follower both here and on Twitter.

Hey Jim! It’s GREAT to meet you, dude! I found you via Jason Falls’ Healing Place post. I’ll have 19 years at the end of January and I thought I’d just say hello to a fellow traveler! I’m loving your blog, too!

I just realized that this was written in 2009 so Happy 24th Birthday! That is truly a miracle, isn’t it?? What a beautiful testament to the power of surrendering.
I celebrated 6 years myself on June 10th of this year, and I too still cannot wrap my head around the amazing life I am blessed with today, knowing how close I came to losing everything.

My favorite part of your post:
I lost my desire to drink a long time ago. But I think about not drinking every day.

I lost my mother to the ravages of drinking, she was only 50 when she died. Even then I knew it was a blessing that God took her to a safer place. I’m glad you were listening when God called you. Even though we’ve never met, your honest writing gives such a true sense of the joy you have with your family. Shine on Jim, and enjoy your birthday day and the coming year. Be the light for someone else, who may perhaps fall on their knees and find a second chance through reading your honest words and feeling your strong sense of gratefulness.

I love this post, and I love re-reading it, and what I really, really love is the picture of you, and your wife, and your girls. It’s just perfect. That look on Tina’s face, her pure joyful smile, your contentment, and your sweet girls, who look so young, and me remembering the first time you posted it as I followed along your awesome summer beach vacation in Florida. Happy for you, Jim, and happy to know the Mitchems.

I gotta agree! In fact, I just googled ‘amazing things happen when you don’t drink’ just to see if someone else out there has experienced it. I have been on that dark road for about 6 years now, but fortunately have been steadily quitting. I did get a craving tonight, and was on my way to buy, but instead opted out and stopped at the local ice cream shop. Hah, I know this isn’t that amazing of a thing, but I got my order free, simply because the owner didn’t want to break my $20. I’ve had similar things like this happen, mostly little, but they always let me know I am on the right path. Can’t wait to see what’s next.

Thanks for writing this. I’ve read it over and over 5-6 times today. I found it via @runnerbliss Twitter. I’m 417 days without a drink (and it crosses my mind daily)…..but who’s counting? Thanks again.