Thus begins the tale of a Baltimore Craigslist poster who is effectively snowed-in in tonight’s East Coast winter weather mess, and who really, desperately wants some tacos. Sayeth the anonymous poster, in an ad titled “DRIVER WITH 4 WHEEL DRIVE VEHICLE NEEDED FOR EMERGENCY TACO BELL RUN (Baltimore)”:

Guys it’s snowing like a bitch outside, I’ve had a few drinks too many, and my sh*tty little hybrid douchemobile can’t possibly make it to the neighborhood Taco Bell in this weather. I need someone with a 4 wheel drive vehicle to come pick my drunk ass up, take me to the Taco Bell drive-thru, and drive me back home. Then we can hang out and play video games if you’re not a rapist. This is maybe 2 miles round trip. I’ll pay in tacos. or chalupas. whatever. Seriously my desire for tacos right now is totally unmanageable, so I’d probably even buy you a 7 layer burrito if you asked nicely.

So there you have it. If you are a non-rapist with a 4-wheel drive vehicle who lives in Baltimore, likes playing video games, and doesn’t mind getting paid in cheap Mexican food (or if you know someone who is), please contact this hungry drunken soul immediately. As the ad says, this is an emergency. Are you ready to be a hero?