If Every Kiss Begins With K, then should Every Book Begin With Boo? Important questions and comments about the jewelry commercial

Around this time of year, we often hear the Kay Jewelers slogan, “Every Kiss Begins With K” which is either a clever wordplay or a scourge on our senses that is repeated over and over on the television, radio and internet while driving everyone crazy.

I have spent way too much time thinking about the slogan, and have come up with several salient and/or stupid points.

First of all, they spell it out as “Every Kiss Begins With Kay,” which makes no sense at all. For the sake of this important discussion, I am spelling it as “Every Kiss Begins With K,” which is at least somewhat logical, while still highly annoying.

And speaking of annoying aspects of the slogan, if it takes you a gift of jewelry in order to get kissed, then you are doing something wrong.

Also, if you follow the logic, then shouldn’t every kid also begin with K? And following the logic even further, I have come up with several more slogans:

Every Flunk Begins With F.

Every Eye Chart Begins With E (that one’s my favorite).

Every Yearning Begins With Y (make sense if you think about it).

Every Handshake Begins With Hands.

Every Tea Break Begins With T.

Every Dominant Football Team Begins With D.

Every Us Begins With U (this should be on a greeting card).

Every Caress Begins With Care.

And if you take it a step further

Every Old Church Wedding Ends with Ding (from the bells at the end of the ceremony).

Every Rain Ends With In.

If you are sore, then Every Touch Ends With Ouch.

Every Cabbage Ends With Age.

Many people seem to think that Every Blame Ends With Me.

I should also point out that kiss is also a word for a small drop cookie made of meringue, and I don’t think that Kay Jewelers makes them. Therefore, every kiss small drop cookie made of meringue does not begin with K.

Now that I think about it, though, Every Cookie Does Begin With Cook (I am having a hard time stopping this now).

And what about the band Kiss? Do they start their concerts with a commercial from Kay Jewelers? I actually think that would be smart if they did. The Kiss fans would lick it up, lick it up.

Or what about the song, “Kiss” by Prince? You don’t have to be rich to be the girl in that song, and it does not say anything about Kay Jewelers. The Diamonds and Pearls song by Kiss is another story, but I digress.

Finally, and most importantly, as much as I dislike the slogan, there must be something smart about it simply because I remembered it and I have been obsessing on it way too much.

So, while we can debate whether or not it is a good slogan or an assault on the English language, and while someone could write a thesis paper about if every kiss really does begin with k, one thing we can agree on is that the slogan is etched into our minds and memories.

Now that I’m thinking about it, every kiss begins with k in the States. What happens here, where every kiss doesn’t begin with k, and we don’t even have Kay Jewelers? We probably kiss without getting any jewels, and that’s a bad thing. Or perhaps we don’t kiss at all (because what would be the point of kissing without jewels coming right up?)
Someone should let Kay Jewelers know. They could open here and make us all happy.

That commercial has been around for years and it has always bothered me, but now I have another reason to dislike it, although I am now mentally going through other options as you have suggested. Well, next time it come on I will make it a game to come up with others. New drinking or party game, hey you might be on to something!

Thanks, and that does sound like a fun drinking game. Let me know how that goes if you are able to try that, and I will let you know if I can try it here. And I’m glad someone else is bothered by that commercial, too.