Divorce Diaries

On The Defensive

Friday was one for the record books. For the first time ever in the history of his life at various educational facilities, David got in trouble in school.

It wasn't a huge act of disobedience, but the sheer fact that it happened at all is startling. David is a model student and he never, ever misbehaves. He's never had a time out in school, never sat in the "calm down corner", in fact, I don't think he's ever been reprimanded in any way.

He had a hard time concentrating on Math, and his aide said he was scratching his arms repeatedly. He gets very dry skin during the winter months. He'd stayed with his father the night before, and Peter didn't slather him with lotion after his bath the way I do. Plus, David carries lotion in his backpack and should have asked his aide if he could put some on if he was itchy. Instead, he made faces at her and when she firmly tried to redirect him to focus on his lesson, he got angry and made frustrated noises at her. After a talk with his learning support teacher about respect and paying attention, he was back in class and doing just fine. Still, it was unprecedented.

I had just gotten home Friday night when Peter called, wanting to know what the heck was going on. I had no idea - the teacher had emailed after I left the office - so I found myself spluttering as Peter castigated me. "When he gets in trouble at school, he gets in trouble at home!" He said, sternly. I felt like crawling through the phone line and smacking him. I don't need parenting lessons, thanks. I've been doing it awhile. And ambushing me when I had no idea what had happened was a bit ridiculous.

I did have a long talk with David, reminding him about "good manners" (like listening and being respectful) and how important it is to use his words when he needs something (like lotion). I also reminded Peter when I spoke to him that he needs to lotion David when he's over there, so that he doesn't get too itchy (any kind of sensory issue like that is a real problem for an autistic child, and can throw their focus off badly). I held my tongue and very diplomatically explained that I'd addressed the behavior situation with David. It wasn't easy, though.

Do you ever get over-sensitive when your ex seems to be attacking your parenting skills? How do you handle it?

About The Author

Ellie DeLano

Ellie DeLano is a parenting and relationship blogger, a freelance writer, a full-time working single mom, and frequently exhausted. She's slogging her way through the world of single parenting, mid-life dating and reinventing herself with a pop-tart in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

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