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Monday, October 4, 2010

Happy Belated 11 Month Mini Birthday

Dear Hendrix,

Happy 11 months. Or maybe I should say Happy 11 1/2 months. I have been seriously procrastinating on this post for you. I thought it would bring so many emotions to the surface and I just wasn't ready to sit down and put this all on paper I guess.
I thought the 11th month would be so sad. I thought I would get choked up thinking about your newborn days and how they are gone and I'll never be able to get them back.
but..
I'm not.
I am just so proud of how far you have come.
I am so excited for the future.
Ecstatic at the opportunities and experiences that will come with your toddler years.

Everyday a new part of your personality comes alive.
You have started to take on more big boy features. The baby chubby is still there but it is slowly falling away. Your eyes are full of mischief and curiosity. The tell so many stories.

Your smile is so big and wide.
The little teeth! That full smile kills me!
A month or so ago as they were poking through your sore gums I was so heartbroken that the days of the toothless grin were over. But now? I get giddy at the site of those pearly white!

You are a walker now. You refuse to crawl. You have a shape sorter and you put the blue circle, the red square in over and over.
You adore animals. Especially puppies. You "Woof, Woof!" at anything small and furry.
You point to family members in pictures. "Where is Grammy" I ask and you point and wave at the photo album.

When you are tired you will bury your head into my hair and coo "Mamamama" into my ear. To hear you call me by that. There are no ways or words for me to explain what that does to a woman. It's earth shattering really and I am fully aware that eventually I will have moments where I feel like if you say Mama one more time my head might explode but for now it is the sweetest sound.

I think of the comfort I got from my own parents as a child. That down home apple pie feeling. That animal crackers and apple juice before nap time. Warm beds and Christmas mornings.
and now here I am giving that to you.
I am proud of myself. I am, really. I nurture and it comes naturally and it feels so right. I am so happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. I'll just keep rambling and typing and you will never sit here as me and know how much I adore you.

You are so smart. I can not wait to see where you go from here.

I have been crafting and collecting and getting ready for your birthday. Your BIRTHDAY.
We will be celebrating.
We are doing it up big.
You deserve it.

I have had an awful time dealing with and letting go of the way you came into this world. I hate that I never got to sing happy birthday to you then so now?

We will sing. Loudly. With bravado.

I love you so much. Love. Love. Love. I never knew the meaning of the word until I laid my eyes on you.

I want you to know that no matter where you walk in this world.
I am always with you. You are never alone. My hand is always here for you to hold.