Thursday, January 17, 2008

Time

"I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared to the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith. As a result, I can really know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I can learn what means to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that somehow, I can experience the resurrection from the dead!" Philippians 3: 7-11

"It takes time to get to know oneself; it takes time and eternity to get to know the infinite Lord Jesus Christ."

Yes, God certainly takes his time with us; I am a perfect example of this. I've known Christ my whole life but I've taken a very rocky path to get to where I am at today. In the past four years, I've struggled with disappointment because I was trusting on myself to be a better person and christian. I am almost thirty years old now and I've learned more about myself in the past six months than I have in my entire life. I look back and I don't even know the girl I use to be. I wish I could go back and give her a hug or hold her hand and tell her that everything she thinks is important means nothing to her in the future. I would tell her to relax and learn more about herself and God and that happiness lies ahead. I have found love, lost love, gained possessions and lost them all. I have aimlessly lived my life without knowing myself or understanding the God that I serve. I have learned that I am a very Stubborn girl and God had to strip away everything I once thought was important to get me to realize it is not about me or what I want it is about him and his plans for me. I can honestly say that everything that I once thought was so important to me means little to me now. Even the one thing I held back from him for so long---Relationships. I was on this life long mission to find the perfect guy, get married, and have a family,but now it is not even a thought in my head at this point. I thought I had it a few times and my loving God saved me from relationships that he knew were wrong for me. He has got me by myself right now and is teaching me about his love and teaching me about myself. I am thankful that God doesn't always give us what we want when we want it, instead he allows things to happen to us to develop our character and bring us closer to him. He knew I would never be happy until I figured out who I am and who he is so he ended relationships that hindered my growth with him. Although much pain came from these broken relationships, a lot of growth came from them as well and now I understand why they had to happen. I have learned something valuable from each failed relationship that I have had, but most importantly I learned that if I have faith in God with my eternal life then I certainly should trust him with my life here on earth. As I learn more about him, I am trusting him more and am starting to rely on him for making my decisions. It has taken some serious time, frustrations, and tears to get to this point, and I am sure that it will continue to be a struggle. I am happy though because I know that God is going to continue to work on me, and he will only give me more in my life when he knows I am ready for it.