The Cold Side Of The Pillow

Friday, November 4, 2011

So I took the pledge at ItGetsBetter.org to spread the word and to help people. There's no need for me to take any pledges that I'll treat people equally and I won't bully them. I know that. I was bullied from people I thought were my friends, which was the worst I think. I was bullied from classmates, but that's normal. I wasn't pretty enough to fit in. I was chubby and I had some other flaws that they thought this was disgusting and used to make fun of me. I suffered and I didn't have anyone to turn to. I cried for hours in my room. I even considered suicide. My mother told me to ignore them, but it's not that easy. Well it's easy to say it, it's easy to not go through that and just give advises, but this wasn't my case. Maybe that's the reason why now I'm still so insecure, I consider myself not pretty enough, not slim enough, not smart enough just not good enough. And this things still keep me from being happy. But it's better. It really gets better. At least now I have people I can turn to, nobody's insulting me everyday. Actually I'm thankful. They did me a favor. You know why? Because they inspired me to do more, to be myself, to pursuit my dreams. And I know, I'm convinced, that it'll get even better. Now I'm in the university, studying to become something much more than them. (They probably won't be able to even read this because most of them don't know English.) But I don't hate them. Yes, they made my life a living hell, but they also made me stronger, even though I'm insecure.

This wasn't just a pep-talk. I write this so if you, who are reading this lines, are bullied or harassed in any way, you should know that it really does get better, it's not just a phrase. If you don't trust me - go to this site www.itgetsbetter.com and you'll find out that you're not alone. We are stronger when we're together. And if you ever need to talk to anyone - I'm here. I won't judge you, I may not be able to help you, but I'll listen, and I know how helpful just listening can be. And I'm not the only one.

I know it's tough, I know they are mean, they want you to suffer, but it gets better. You'll be fine, the change will come. There are good people, kind people, who will help you. Don't give up! You are strong, you are beautiful, you are perfect - don't ever let them bring you down!

Friday, October 21, 2011

People think that feeling numb is not an option, that this is not a real thing, that you can't feel that way. But they are wrong. The fact that they don't understand, that they've never felt that way doesn't mean that this feeling doesn't exist. Actually Three Days Grace are right I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. Because when you're numb, you don't feel anything. You don't feel the pain, you don't feel the disappointment, you don't feel alone. Although you know you're alone and you know you need someone, but you don't actually feel it. When you friends tell you that they love you, you don't feel anything, you're just unable to feel even love so strong. I hate myself when I'm like that, the feeling is worse than painful.

'I feel numbI can't come to lifeI feel like I'm frozen in time'- Three Days Grace - World So Cold

Monday, August 29, 2011

I just want to tell you something about this song. It makes me cry every time. It says so much about MJ. He was the perfect human being, he was so nice and he only wanted to change the world, to make it a better place, he cared, not many people do and not many try to do something either. He changed me, this song changed me, now I want to do something, I want to change the world, I really do want to make it a better place. I know I'm not the only one, I know he touched millions with his kindness. He inspires me so much. I still can't believe this perfect human is gone ...

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

It's been a few days since the world premiere of the last part of Harry Potter and I hadn't have the strength to write something earlier. The incredible story of the little wizard and his brave friends was a big part of my childhood and I'm sure of yours too. The end of the story marks also the end of my childhood, marks the end of a magical era.

We were lucky to be the Harry Potter generation, ones who stand in front of the cinema waiting for the new movie, the ones who nervously waited the new books, the ones who shamelessly cried in the cinema, the ones who were part of the real magic. To grow up with something so beautiful is an honor and not every child has the opportunity to raise with the magic and in the same time to learn what bravery is, what loyalty is, what love is ... I'm proud that I was a part of this for the last 10 years and I'm also very sad and heartbroken that it's gone, it end is here. Actually not its real end because the magical world that J.K.Rowling created will be past for generations ahead. I know that my children and grandchildren will be raised with the tale of Harry Potter.

You know how they ask you 'How do you see yourself in 10 years?' and you don't know how to answer? I was like that, but not anymore. My answer from now on will be the following: 'In 10 years I see myself sitting in bed with my little daughter, I'm holding 'Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows' in my hand and I'm reading to her for good night. In her eyes there is the same fire, the same thirst for magic that I'm sure will be feeling the same way still. When I read to her about Fred Weasley's death, something that I'll never be able to get over, a tear would come down my face, but she won't ask me why I'm crying because she'll know, she'll be a par of the same magic.

As a conclusion I want to thank Miss Rowling for everything she did for us. I want to thank her for my childhood and I want to thank her for keeping the child in me alive. The love of millions of fans across the world is something that she deserves more than anyone. I bow before her talent and thank her for everything.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

"You know, I do believe in magic. I was born and raised in a magic time ... In a magic town ... Among magicians. Most everybody else didn't realize we lived in that web of magic. Connected by the silver filaments of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. See, this is my opinion - we all start outknowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth. And because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they'd allowed to wither in themselves.

After you go so far away from it, you can't really get it back. You can have seconds of it. Just seconds of knowing and remembering. When people get weepy at movies, it's because in that dark theater, the golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again and it dries up, and they're left feeling a little heart-sad and not knowing why. When a song stirs a memory, when motes of dust turning in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a train passing on a track at night in the distance and you wonder where it might be going, you step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instants, you have stepped into the magic realm.

That's what I believe.

The truth of life is that every year we get farther away from the essence that is born within us. We get shouldered with burdens, some of them good, some of them not so good. Things happen to us. Loved ones die. People get in wrecks and get crippled. People lose their way, for one reason or another. It’s not hard to do, in this world of crazy mazes. Life itself does its best to take that memory of magic away from us. You don’t know it’s happening until one day you feel you’ve lost something but you’re not sure what it is. It’s like smiling at a pretty girl and she calls you “sir.” It just happens.

These memories of who I was and where I lived are important to me. They make up a large part of who I’m going to be when my journey winds down. I need the memory of magic if I am ever going to conjure magic again. I need to know and remember, and I want to tell you."

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Ah once again I was a witness of something desperate. Fairly cute guy running after one of those girls with fake hair and artificial intelligence. I know that they are easy and that's one of the things that attract boys - you will get late on the second day (if she manege to wait until then) but why would guys do that to themselves? Aren't they disgusted? When they kiss wouldn't her 'daub' fell off? Or is it that they are so in cast that their face is frozen under the letter 'O'. Agrh. Boys you better buy a sex doll - she won't spray daub on you, doesn't talk and makes sex whenever you want - her head never hurts.

No seriously I got so desperate of the other sex. Don't get me wrong there are some good and awesome guys but they are not my type. STOP! Don't judge me and tell me that I don't have to chose and to take whatever life gives me, because I've had my mistakes and I know what I want, how I want it and why I want it. But really I don't get why most of the boys chase those bimbos. I know that they are easier because you can't argue with something that can't find some good arguments (if she find any). But why? Don't you dream about more? Don't you dream about someone like you? Someone with whom you'll have fun, fight, go wild but always understood and you can figure your problems without ugly pictures and phrases ... Or perhaps you've lowered your standards that much that you're ready to give up everything just for some meaningless sex?

I'm desperate. So desperate that this June on the music fest I'm gonna find as many as possible hot boys and fuck them all. Oh am i cynical? Do you feel offended? Well welcome on my side of the things.

Friday, October 1, 2010

So a few days ago was Enrique Iglesias concert in Bulgaria... for the first time he visited our country and … there is no way to not share with you guys my experiences and emotions. First of all I have to say that I’ve never loved Enrique but I’ve always respected and liked him and considered him as a very positive and nice person. After that night everything changed (for good of course). Now for me this guy is … much more, I adore him, I adore his stage presence and the way he connects with the crowd.

Unlike Rihanna we didn’t have to wait for him for two hours. Yes we waited half an hour but only because he was supposed to get on stage at 9... and he was there at 9:05. Only 5 minutes late! This man despite how famous he is, didn’t exalted himself and he know what it feels like to wait in the rain to see one of the biggest stars at the moment. He didn’t overrated himself that he is something more than the ordinary people and he continues to be a normal person and to act like one even on stage, for which I admire him and congratulate him.

The way he blows the crowd is absolutely unbelievable! Every little thing which he did he didn’t do it just like that so he can sing a few songs and then take the money and go home, he did it for the crowd! And the end … when he toke up a random girl from the crowd and... and sang personally to her “Hero” … it was so intimate and romantic … I still don’t know how this girl didn’t lost conscious... I know it wasn’t me up there but I felt everything with her.

What the hell I’m doing? I’m trying to describe you with words something which is unexplainable if you weren’t there and didn’t feel it. You didn’t feel the euphoria, the adrenalin, the excitement of every single person in the crowd. I’m sure people will talk about that for a looong time.

After all if you weren’t there (or any other Enrique concert) you sure missed a lot!

About Me

A man of words and not of deeds, is like a garden full of weeds
And when the weeds begin to grow, it's like a garden full of snow
And when the snow begins to fall, it's like a bird upon the wall
And when the bird away does fly, it's like an eagle in the sky
And when the sky begins to roar, it's like a lion at the door
And when the door begins to crack, it's like a stick across your back
And when your back begins to smart, it's like a penknife in your heart
And when your heart begins to bleed, you're dead,and dead,and dead indeed....