I remember there was a time when I thought 36 was old. Clearly, I was a stupid teenager. I’m closer to 40 than I am 30, but fear not, I’m not freaking out. As I turn 36, I embrace my age. I love my birthday and I always celebrate it because getting older is a privilege not awarded to many.

Here’s what I know for sure:

I have a profound sense of who I am, although I am ever evolving.
A close older friend, always told me that when she turned 30, she stopped caring about what other people thought and just did what she wanted. I am forever striving to be positive even when it’s difficult.

I love sleep.
I have always loved sleep, but in my formative years, I used to love sleeping in. Now I even love getting into bed early

I love food: Good Food.
Nuff said!

I have some really good friends.
My tribe is strong, supportive and always there.

Family is everything.
My father always used to stress the importance of family and Sean and I always disregarded him. My family is like fudge: “Mostly sweet, with a few nuts”

I am content with less.
Maybe this one has more to do with Hurricane Irma. There’s nothing like having a 185 mph hurricane beat down on your home to make you let go of the trivial things that you thought were important.

We need to use our privilege for good.
Male privilege, white privilege, straight privilege, even local privilege (sxmers understand that one): whatever your privilege is, use those good powers to fight evil. There are many atrocities that occur throughout the world to people who lack these privileges that you hold. Use yours to advocate for those who are without.

My body doesn’t recover like before.
I have aches and pains like nobody’s business – well it’s MY body’s business. I can’t imagine what 40 will feel like.

Laugh lines are a good thing.
It means that I laugh a lot…or smirk

Here’s to another 36 years…at least

xxx

Cherise

]]>https://curlygirly.me/2018/04/06/its-a-celebration/feed/0Birthday Blogcherisebowmanimages (1)Smirk_Face_Emojiafa1a3f9f61721376fd74ad0cc083e65Confessions of an Anxious Irma Survivorhttps://curlygirly.me/2018/04/03/confessions-of-an-anxious-irma-survivor/
https://curlygirly.me/2018/04/03/confessions-of-an-anxious-irma-survivor/#commentsWed, 04 Apr 2018 02:12:38 +0000http://curlygirly.me/?p=1374Continue reading Confessions of an Anxious Irma Survivor]]>You must have heard of Hurricane Irma. What a b*tch! She damaged us. She made us weary. She took away our conveniences. At 185 mph, she left us broken, but she did give us a few good things:

Gratitude – appreciating the fact that I still had life, a roof, friends and family

Perspective – understanding what matters, and seeing that we take so much for granted

Besides these positives, she left me in another way.

Anxious.

I have woken up in a panic. Worrying about what’s coming next. You can tell me that I shouldn’t live my life waiting for something bad to happen, but I’m scarred. Whenever a news article enters my newsfeed with the words tropical, cyclone, outlook, prediction, active…(enter National Hurricane Center buzzword here) my heart skips a beat.

The Type-A Personality has taken over and I wonder:

What can we do better?
How can we be more prepared?
Can we crawl under a rock?
Can we build a safe room?
Can we jump on a plane and flee?
Can we relocate?

I say some of these in jest, but I can’t say that they didn’t all cross my mind.

Naturally, I already have a list of things to start buying, in order to beat the rush. Anyone else would read that and think, but it’s EARLY…Well, so what if the hurricane season doesn’t start until June?! A girl’s gotta be prepared!

I have a Plan A, B, C & D and I will probably obsess over it until November 30th.

Anyone want to join my support group?

xxx

Cherise

]]>https://curlygirly.me/2018/04/03/confessions-of-an-anxious-irma-survivor/feed/1IrmacherisebowmanNot Gon’ Cryhttps://curlygirly.me/2017/07/28/not-gon-cry/
https://curlygirly.me/2017/07/28/not-gon-cry/#respondSat, 29 Jul 2017 01:11:20 +0000http://curlygirly.me/2017/07/28/not-gon-cry/Continue reading Not Gon’ Cry]]>Here I am standing in the airport. I’m having a Mary J. Blige (circa 1995) moment telling myself that I’m ‘Not Gon’ Cry’. Clearly, I must be delusional with the tears running down my face. Aysa is leaving. Off to go conquer the world.

13 years is a long time: to watch someone grow up; To see them fall and get back up again; to have them annoy the hell out of you. Lol!

Here’s to 13 years of licking my face (ew!), letting each other hear our favourite new songs, dancing together, wet fetes, laughing together, crying together, lying on top of me, complaining because you have to do the dishes, snapping me when I’m dancing in the kitchen (is that how you say it?), tripping on me for saying I’m getting old, baking brownies, hosting sleepovers, holding my hand (even when I try to pull away lol) and being real.

I know you aren’t gone forever, but it’ll be weird that you’ll be so far away.

I love you and I will miss you like crazy but go kick Holland’s butt!

Xxx
Mama Cherise

]]>https://curlygirly.me/2017/07/28/not-gon-cry/feed/0cherisebowmanI Don’t Know.https://curlygirly.me/2017/06/03/i-dont-know/
https://curlygirly.me/2017/06/03/i-dont-know/#respondSun, 04 Jun 2017 03:54:00 +0000http://curlygirly.me/2017/04/25/i-dont-know/Continue reading I Don’t Know.]]>In hospitality, it was one of the first things I learned… Ok, maybe the second. The first was that if I wanted to have every weekend and holiday off, I needed a new career. The second thing was, ‘I don’t know.’ Verbatim. Often times, it’s followed with a “…, but let me check.”

As a new employee, you come in as the green and malleable rookie. You go through your training and then you are left to fend for yourself. Sink or swim. Thankfully, most times you are given floaties (a.k.a. your trainer). You start to gain your confidence, and then a guest asks you a question that leaves you dumbfounded and you have to utter those three words. Of course, you don’t know! You just got there.

Since I firmly planted my foot in the hospitality industry, I hated to not know something. In turn, it would give me great pleasure to have the answer to someone’s question. Blame it on the nerd in me.

We live in the information age with the answers to our questions at our fingertips – except for the existential ones. If someone asks me a question, to which I do not know the answer, I must find out. I find myself hating more and more to not know. But why? So what if I don’t know that cheetahs run faster than 60mph or that the dot over the i and j is called a tittle, or that it’s impossible to hum and hold your nose.

All this useless information, in my brain rolling around because of the need to know :). Maybe I’ll mentally go back to my rookie hospitality days and I’ll say, “you know what, I really don’t know.”

Who am I kidding, how can a leopard change its spots?

(You’re trying to hold your nose and hum right now, aren’t you?)

xxx
Cherise

]]>https://curlygirly.me/2017/06/03/i-dont-know/feed/0uhm...cherisebowmanGender Roleshttps://curlygirly.me/2017/05/04/gender-roles/
https://curlygirly.me/2017/05/04/gender-roles/#respondThu, 04 May 2017 23:29:59 +0000http://curlygirly.me/?p=1288Continue reading Gender Roles]]>I recently started a new job. I work for a food sales & distribution company. Given that it is a relatively small company with a tight-knit staff, no one has just one function. I am no exception. Within the first month, I had to make some deliveries in the delivery van. I don’t think I have ever seen that many heads turn because people realize that I’m female. The most notable encounters were with women. One female Security Guard said, “oh they have woman drivers?” Then she proceeded to question my ability to drive. In jest, I mentioned that I didn’t buy my license. After watching me maneuver the van, upon exit of the property, she concurred.

I realize that it is difficult for some people, especially Caribbean people, to give up on some deep-rooted, perceived gender roles. I also realize that maybe people would be more accepting of my newfound role if I were butch. While I’m not super girly, the fact that I deliver boxes in a van while wearing skinny jeans and nail polish is clearly unsettling. Or confusing. Or insert adjective here. Yes, of course, I’m not as strong as my male counterparts because I’m lacking some testosterone, but I’m quite strong nonetheless (thanks Dayana!). So what, if I have to make 3 trips instead of 2. The point is, I pull my weight. All of it.

Pulling my own weight is nothing new. My brother and I learned from my parents’ example. They taught us that if you see something needs to be done, you do it. My mother, who also ran a small company, often referred to herself as ‘the chief cook and bottle washer’. In previous positions, I have filled in where necessary: cleaned tables, washed dishes, made beds, and swept floors. I don’t see why all of sudden, it’s a big shock that I can drive a stick shift and lift a few boxes. Kai is 3. He weighs 32lbs and I lift him from time to time. Does that fit into your perceived female gender role?

Given that tomorrow is International Women’s Day (March 8), I wanted to talk about women. In the past few months, I have met some phenomenal women. I already knew a lot of phenomenal women, but I’m happy that I have been fortunate enough to encounter some more.

I’m writing this blog to encourage us to spread more love, especially between us women. I hear women talk from time to time and it seems as though it is easy to highlight the negative. We speak hate. We need to stop this haterism. I try to keep a positive outlook and push my optimist agenda at any chance I get. In today’s world, where hate comes so easily, let’s all show some love.

As women, let’s not break each other down, but rather lift each other up. This is a challenge to each and every one of you. Don’t hate. Celebrate. Congratulate. Yes, you! Congratulate! Acknowledge that someone’s effort is worthy of applause.

In addition to that, we need to support each other after dealing with people that are trying to cut us down. After dealing with mansplaining. After dealing with wage gaps. After dealing with inequality. We need to stick together. We need to join each other in the fight. We need to persist!

If you need some inspiration take a page out of the books of some persistent, positive women. Look at Malala Yousafzai, Michelle Obama, Elizabeth Warren, Oprah Winfrey, J.K. Rowling, Angela Merkel, and even St. Maarten’s very own Silveria Jacobs and Nicole DeWeever – just to name a few. There are many more. After you’ve gotten your inspiration, inspire someone! Let’s keep lifting each other up.

xxx

Cherise

]]>https://curlygirly.me/2017/03/07/i-am-woman/feed/0Untitled design (1)cherisebowmandownload-1mansplainingimageslifteachotherup_libbyvanderploegThe Pursuit of Skinny-nesshttps://curlygirly.me/2017/02/17/the-pursuit-of-skinny-ness/
https://curlygirly.me/2017/02/17/the-pursuit-of-skinny-ness/#commentsFri, 17 Feb 2017 16:57:44 +0000http://curlygirly.me/?p=1173Continue reading The Pursuit of Skinny-ness]]>I have never been slim. Genetics have a lot to do with it. My mum was slim for a large part of her life and never gained weight no matter what she ate. I feel like I fashioned my eating habits from her example, but I wasn’t blessed with a high metabolism. In turn, I have forever been in the pursuit of skinny-ness. My dad on the other hand tells me that even when he was a young man and he used to run all the time, he ‘always had a belly’. Thanks, Dad!

I am, by no means, a health freak. I’m lazy at times and I eat and drink too much. My diet is a pendulum swing of extremes. Complete over indulgence and complete avoidance. A binge and then a purge. I know it’s not a healthy lifestyle but at least it’s not all over indulgence.

I do have a back-up plan. Her name is Dayana. She’s my trainer. We have a tumultuous love-hate relationship. Okay, maybe that’s just a bit dramatic. I love her but I hate when I can’t bend down to pick up stuff. Thank goodness I have a toddler. I convince him to pick up stuff for me all the time.

Anyway, I’m straying from the point I was trying to make. In my pursuit of skinny-ness, I am learning new things. I am starting to embrace this body that I was given. Too often, we focus on the negative. (I feel like I have said this in at least half of my blogs). So I don’t have slim legs; at least, I can walk. So I have a belly; that belly housed my beautiful son for 9 months. I have many other imperfections, as do many of us. Let’s convince ourselves that we are imperfectly perfect.

I will leave you with this photo that a friend shared on FaceBook.

I have decided to change my pursuit of skinny-ness to a pursuit of happy-ness. It’ll make for a better me <3.

xxx

Cherise

]]>https://curlygirly.me/2017/02/17/the-pursuit-of-skinny-ness/feed/8pursuit-of-skinny-nesscherisebowman16640920_10155463611624316_108942690965096914_nBedtime Musingshttps://curlygirly.me/2017/01/31/bedtime-musings/
https://curlygirly.me/2017/01/31/bedtime-musings/#respondWed, 01 Feb 2017 01:38:19 +0000http://curlygirlydotme.wordpress.com/?p=1090Continue reading Bedtime Musings]]>My son Kai goes to daycare. I try my best everyday to make sure that he isn’t the last child at school. I, myself, have been the last child at school and it was never great. It wasn’t because my parents were neglectful but because they were working. Doing the right thing. Providing. Being productive. Making a difference.

Somehow, when I am late, or it is close to closing time, I feel as though I’m not doing a good enough job as a parent. So, I rush from work and pick up the little boy.

Today, I was stuck in traffic, which is not uncommon on St. Maarten. Thinking of my boy, sitting on the steps of the school feeling as though, I didn’t care. But as I drove up, I encountered something totally different than my imagined scenario. The teacher with Kai and 5 other children running around outside. He was having a blast yet happy to see me nonetheless.

I know some of you might be control-freak-over-thinkers, like me, but I am starting to believe that ultimately, as long as you love your children, keep it positive and do your best, everything is gonna be alright.
Xxx
Cherise

]]>https://curlygirly.me/2017/01/31/bedtime-musings/feed/0bedtime-musingscherisebowmanPerspectivehttps://curlygirly.me/2017/01/23/perspective/
https://curlygirly.me/2017/01/23/perspective/#respondTue, 24 Jan 2017 03:24:43 +0000http://curlygirly.me/?p=1068Continue reading Perspective]]>As kids we all have gripes with regard to how our parents raised us. I’m not an exception. I have looked at my friends’ parents and thought, I wish my parents were like that. At the same time, I can tell you that I have also seen other parents and I thanked my lucky stars. In any case, it could be better, but it could always be worse. Maybe your mom never came to any of your games, or recitals, or plays (or insert extra curricular activity display here). It could very well be that maybe she was providing for your little ungrateful butt. It’s important to see things from different perspectives. I feel that perspective contributes a great deal to growth.

We all have our issues, but it is important for us to see certain things as we get older. For me, especially since I have a child, I see the world more through my parents’ eyes. My son’s name is Kai and I want to provide for him, protect him, make sure that he has everything that he needs and some things that he doesn’t. I want to preserve his childhood and give him everything that I didn’t have (although looking back, honestly wasn’t much).

I used to feel that there was a tremendous amount of pressure being a child, especially for an over-achiever like me. Now that the tables are turned, I see that there is an awful amount of pressure being a parent. It’s about time that we all give each other some slack!

I guess, it’s all about perspective.

xxx

Cherise

]]>https://curlygirly.me/2017/01/23/perspective/feed/0perspectivecherisebowmanNot Good Enough…Pffhttps://curlygirly.me/2016/10/21/not-good-enough-pff/
https://curlygirly.me/2016/10/21/not-good-enough-pff/#respondFri, 21 Oct 2016 18:53:57 +0000http://curlygirly.me/?p=812Continue reading Not Good Enough…Pff]]>Print perfection has been a hot topic for a major part of my life. We see it everywhere. Photos are retouched: double chins erased, cellulite smoothed, dark circles lightened, waists trimmed and thigh gaps increased. Consider it like digital spa treatments and imagined circuit training. These are unrealistic ideals that we cannot attain. How am I supposed to measure up to that? I’m a 34 year old with the metabolism of a hibernating bear. In addition, I have a three year old who is looking for the party at 1 am. I’m practically made up of cellulite and dark circles.

As a result of all of the people like me, who realize that being perfectly airbrushed is overrated, when a company like Aerie launched its #aeriereal campaign in 2014, featuring models in their underwear with no retouching, it was received with resounding applause. The company showed a 20% increase in sales in 2015 and 32% in the first quarter of this year. I mean, come on, it’s 2016. Can we just be real?

While perfection in print still exists, and still poses a problem with the way we view ourselves, I have other fish to fry.

Today, in addition to print perfection, we are constantly bombarded with perfection on Social Media that comes from our friends, acquaintances and people we follow. I’ve seen people take 10 selfies in order to get the best one. (Confession: I limit myself to 3). We need to use the perfect filter. Get the perfect light. Have a witty caption. Then wait for likes. No one is perfect, so why is it necessary to always have perfect posts?

Speaking of likes, when I was at the hairdresser recently I read a story in a magazine titled “Why Your Likes Don’t Actually Mean Anything.” In the article, the author speaks to Essena O’Neil, an 18 year old Instagram model who had more than half a million followers. She decided to delete thousands of photos and started to talk about “being addicted to social media, and social approval.” She expressed that she will no longer let her number of likes define her. “It suffocated me,” she said.

Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, professor of psychology at University of Massachuetts at Amherst says, “You get an emotional high when your posts hit a responsive chord with your audience, so you keep going after it, and you’re never fulfilled because you always want more likes.”

“Since we spend more time online, where we don’t get positive reinforcements from facial gestures, hugs, and other nonverbal cues, we try to get it from likes,” says Lary Rosen, PhD, professor of psychology at California State University at Dominguez Hills.

Because of our obsession with likes and the negative effect it has on our lives there is an app, called Facebook Demetricator, that removes like tallies from Facebook. Once you have installed it your Facebook post will change from “20 people liked this” to just “people liked this.” I can’t believe that this is where we have come but hey, the world is ever evolving.

In all of this, who do I feel for the most? Teenagers…If you are reading this and you are over 30, imagine having to go through your day with teenage angst and adolescent moods and have to worry about filters, captions and likes. As a teenager, I was only worried about people liking me, not my posts. It’s important for them to know that likes do not equal validation. A lack of likes doesn’t make you a loser.

Everywhere we turn we are confronted with images that, in one way or another, make us feel like we are not good enough. How about we change not good enough to imperfectly perfect. We all have good in us and we all have something to offer. I intend to focus on that. Join me!