Can I Haz Rankings? Oh Yesss!

Google admits defeat

Following rumours that the ever growing artificial intelligence of the Googler had caused the internet robot to become mad with power, and faced by ongoing protests about lack of personal freedom, and demands for greater democracy on the Internets, it appears that Google has finally admitted defeat, and is set to cede control over the world’s information to the general population.

According to a well placed source within the secretive inner circle of advisors at Google, the president of the popular not-for-profit company has decided to embrace democracy and abandon their plans to use robots to enslave the world’s population.

Under Directive 17a, issued by the governor of Google:

by the will of the people, we, the leaders of Google hereby grant full democratic rights to the world.

Off the record, my source suggested that many within the powerful inner circle had wanted to avoid full democracy, but growing fear that the recently upgraded Googler would enslave the whole world led to a swift capitulation within the ranks.

Although it wasn’t immediately clear what form this democracy would take, within hours, internet loving boffins within Google’s secretive engineering team released details of a voting system that would allow people of the world to decide what websites were good or bad.

At first, all 1,000 of Google’s regular users will see the results as they originally were, with web sites listed in order of how good the SOE techniques that had been used for them were, but there will also be buttons to add one or take one away from the score:

How The Googler Will Embrace Democracy

The once powerful Googler has had it’s strength down graded by 30% as it now only needs to count votes, rather than calculate keyword density and check that the Meta Rank tag had been used.

What this means for the 250 SOE professionals worldwide is not yet clear, but it is thought that unless there is some way in which voting could be manipulated, many SOE experts are likely to find themselves out of work.