Sunday, July 29, 2007

I'm a noted e-narcissist, meaning that I Google search my name on a pretty regular basis. But when I went for it the other day, something...just...wasn't right.

The first result? This blog. I'll take it.

The second? An old bio page from my college newspaper.

The third?

The California Raisins' Wikipedia page.

This struck me as the perfect opportunity to roll out the second installment of my not-at-all-regular not-feature, the Trapper Juan Disconcertameter 5000™. (You may probably don't remember the first installment, in which I examined my still-vexing review of Spider-Man 3.)

So...What's most disconcerting about The California Raisins' Wiki being the third result of a Google search for my name?

c. That every time I think about Lou Rawls, I'm like, "Man, that dude totally looks like the lead singer of The California Raisins" even though most normal people probably think about something like that the other way around

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Thursday, July 05, 2007

It goes without saying that ESPN's "Who's Now?" is the most excruciating fake bracket-style tournament in recent memory. The other day, I caught the judges discussing a matchup between Dwayne Wade and Shaun "The Flying Tomato" White, a faceoff that prompted newly minted analyst Keyshawn Johnson to offer something to the effect of "Here's a question for you: Who the heck is The Flying Tomato?" It's terrifying that a major media outlet has created a forum in which Keyshawn Johnson's mere awareness of you is an influential force. (For the record, voters determined that Wade was nower than White.)

Here's a short list of notable individuals that Keyshawn Johnson has probably never heard of:

Johnson is a cousin to Baltimore Ravens CB Samari Rolle. However, contrary to popular belief, he is not related to Bengals WR Chad Johnson. This was clarified in a 2006 pregame show between Chad's Bengals and Keyshawn's Panthers. Despite this, it is listed in the Bengals' media guide that they are cousins. Although Samari Rolle is cousins with Bengals WR Chad Johnson.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Up until recently, I had the distinction of being the last person on the Eastern Seaboard without a digital camera. Now that I finally have one (a steal for the price, too), I'm fufilling my implied duty by sharing pictures of my pets. Click click.