No one flies someone they are madly in love with all the way to the Dominican Republic just so they can have a another picnic in another field under an even hotter sun.

Amid cow poop.

As if he needed another afternoon of that.

And I love how she tried to romanticize it still. "Horseback riding with the bulls was so peaceful!"

Said no girl ever.

Geez, Andi, if you're going to steal a busy farmer away from his work, at least indulge him a little. Or not!

After wasting her poolside makeouts and private islands on her other two, lesser, boyfriends, Andi made it a point to hide every glimpse of ocean and paradise and romance and vacation in sight from our Midwestern darling. Not even a snorkel or strawberry or glass of champagne! Maybe she left her swimsuit in the other fantasy suites?

I hate it when that happens.

Hey, at least they got in a rowdy game of hide-and-seek! You crazy lovebirds!

By dinnertime, Chris had to have felt defeated-- or hankering for a paycheck after a day in the fields, at the very least.

All the while, he was such a gentleman. Even after she waved the fantasy suite card in his face and fake-cried her way to his taxi, he stood up and took a moment to walk her arm in arm.

Now that's a guy I could get used to watching next season ...

Nailed it!

Or I could instead just rewind over and over again Andi and Josh dancing. Er. Prancing. Er. Squashing bugs. Man, was that the chicken dance?

So much for Athlete of the Year, Twinkle Toes! Even your brother's NFL career is likely awash after that.

Alongside that mess of humiliation, Josh is the beefiest cheeseball ever. Who won't quit. Someone stuck a quarter in him (see Twinkle Toes), and now he's a broken record of fast love words with a chest he won't quit beating, and he's completely in her face with those sweaty kisses, too. This guy is just on all the time, and I'm exhausted watching the two of them together.

But at least he's not Nick. Smarmy, Awkward Nick. This guy is a cheeseball in his own right, too, but he's a fidgety, confusing one who, unlike Josh, can't spit out the words to save his life so instead enlists his kid sister to draw out dirty pictures of his love life and then wear pink capri pants to a fancy dinner.

Pantsaprenuer was watching at home, like, "Hey! He stole my pants!"

I have no idea why they made a big deal of the rose ceremony and whether these two mediocre finalists would accept her rose (good grief, when does "Bachelor in Paradise" begin again? I'm bored.) but I love how she made a big deal to Josh and Nick of the fact that she didn't take Chris to the fantasy suite. Oh, good girl! You only slept with two guys one night after the other!