The Realities Of Being A Mum | Kerry Thomas

The days of fitting into my size eight skinny jeans have gone. I am lucky if I could get them past my thighs now. I am trying to rock the curvy figure. I think I’m finally happy with my body as I have come to realise I won’t get my pre baby body back – so sod it!

Finding a new style that suits you after having a baby is hard work. Your body completely changes. You end up with wobbly bits everywhere. Stretch marks are annoying. I used bio oil and coco butter for stretch marks, it’s great. I’ve now started using Nivea firming moisturiser as I’m two years on.

I ended up two sizes bigger in my bust so trying to find a suitable top to wear is an effort. I use to spend ages looking through my wardrobe deciding on an outfit to wear. The reality now is whatever is comfy.

Elasticated leggings are great!

Every bit of money we have goes on nappies, milk, bills and baby clothes because they cost a fortune and they go through them so quickly.

I used to have lovely fresh flawless skin with blemishes throughout the month. Through my pregnancy the blemishes cleared and I had that glow every woman has throughout their pregnancy, after the morning sickness had past. After having my daughter that changed – I now rock the black circles under my eyes, the early wrinkles that are creeping in and even more blemishes than I had when I was a teenager.

Instead of buying a moisturiser that could be used as a primer I now by anti-ageing cream and under eye cream because I look like a panda or I’ve gone a round with Floyd Mayweather (sad face).

Hormones are sh*t!

My hair used to be long, thick and wavy. Now it’s short because it started falling out and it is going grey. My hairdressers said go for the mum look, short and sweet. I hated it.

The days of having a bath with a bath bomb and painting my nails or shaving my legs are but a dream now. I have a quick bath, quick scrub and sit on the edge of the bath whilst leaning out the door shaving one leg and keeping an eye on my daughter playing in her room. I don’t wear many summer dresses anymore as I either have hairy legs due to having no time or cuts everywhere due to having no time, but I did it anyway. I do use the anti-ageing dove body wash. It smells gorgeous and makes your skin as soft as a baby’s bum.

Toilet breaks

I go to the toilet and my daughter just sits there, sat on her step stool just watching me. “Good girl Mummy”, she says. I use to cringe having these beady little eyes staring at me but now it’s just part of my toilet routine and it’s nice to get some praise every now and then in life. I guess even if it is on your toilet routine.

Making lunch is a pain. I make my daughter’s lunch and no matter what I make she wants to eat mine first. So I deliberately make something for me that she won’t eat just so I get to eat in the day. No is not an option as the toddler meltdown comes. You know: it’s the end of the world, I’m going to throw myself and my fork on the floor and scream until I get the crisps off Mummy’s plate!

Something I have learnt is no matter how hard you try to fit two pushchairs and two car seats, which by the way are like space shuttles nowadays, into a Nissan Micra is a no go. I spent half an hour trying to fit everything in. In the end I gave up. And what is it with only having two or three baby parking spaces at shopping centres? My biggest pet hate is when you see people park there with no kids, the same people that will beep you for crossing the car park because you are taking your time crossing with the kids. I feel like I’m the Incredible Hulk!

I just want to jump up and down on their car or launch it across the car park. I’ve learnt a smile and wave also works just as well as it winds them up even more. I love being a mum but sometimes I sit and look around at women walking past not a care in the world looking gorgeous and I think if only I could do that body swap like on the film Freaky Friday with Lindsay Lohan.