Leslie Horn

Carnival has had a pretty crappy couple of months after fires and massive systems failures in two of its ships turned things into scenes from Lord of the Flies. So the cruise company has planned a $300 million upgrade for its 24-ship fleet to make sure it's prepared for the worst. Here are the highlights.

The Carnival cruise line disabled by a fire and left floating for days, stinking of shit and piss,…
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For those who don't recall the horror, conditions were so bad on one ship that passengers were forced to poop in bags that were left in the hallways. They were left drifting for days and days, forming terrible and sad little shantytowns on the deck because the cabins smelled like the fire that had raged onboard several days prior. And that's just one of the recent examples of cruising horrors!

To avoid giving new meaning to "poop deck" yet again, Carnival says upgrades will happen in three major areas. First, it'll improve the existing emergency diesel generators so safety equipment can run more smoothly. It will also install a second generator to allow more hotel services—elevators, toilets, kitchens, communication, and so forth—to run in the event of a meltdown. Especially, one hopes, the toilets.

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Remember this picture from the Triumph of a rat king-like power cord overwhelmed by people trying to plug their phones in to get in touch with loved ones? Carnival doesn't want anymore of that.

The company is aso going to make sure the two engine rooms can work independently. Again, in the case of the Triumph, one engine knocked out the other, which is why the ship was left to drift out in the Gulf for several days. And it's going to add a review board to keep standards high.

Too late for the poor citizen sailors who spent days upon days stuck in a floating raft of poop and sweat. But hopefully just in time for your next three-day Bahama adventure. [Carnival via AL.com]