Grief can be complicated.

This week has been tough. I am still working through grief of my Grandmother passing away. I was very thankful to be able to spend time with my family in the days leading up to the day we said goodbye. Sharing stories and seeing all of the wonderful pictures of Gran brought back so many memories. Losing a loved one is hard to process as an adult and even harder for children who are not always certain how to handle the different emotions and uncertainty of death. My kids have been doing ok although their grief has been coming out in different ways and needs to be handled delicately. One child becomes easily tearful while the other has bottled up the emotions but has been having a hard time getting to sleep and is reacting with added separation anxiety. These are the times when you wish that there was an instruction manual for how give your children the best advice and the tools to work through their emotions.

I have become stuck in a place of reflection. I am looking back rather than looking forward. I have begun to feel stuck again with my emotions as I did after the Boston Marathon in 2013. Some days feel dark and energy is low. I have learned to push through before and am trying to find balance again and a regular rhythm to my days. For me when these types of feelings take over I have found that it is important for me to exercise (no matter what form). Endorphins and a good sweat allow me to release my emotions and to clear my head. Getting enough Vitamin D is also key as vitamin D is a natural mood lifter (one that is hard to come by in the gray New Hampshire winter). Thankfully the combination of exercise and vitamin D can be achieved by going out for a run. It is also good to allow yourself the chance to cry. Being open to my emotions and allowing myself to feel allows me to release the feelings that are welling up like the tears in my eyes that flow at times like rivers. And also recognizing that we must live for each day and live with a purpose also carries me through.

Therapy (notice the sheep watching)

Once we got home to New Hampshire I new that I needed to get back into my Boston Marathon training groove. After putting the kids to bed the first night back home I hit the treadmill for some cleansing miles and immediately began to feel some release. Over the following days, I ran and I sweated, I skiied with my kids and I ran 12 cleansing, challenging miles with one of my best running friends. The healing has begun although the memories and the love will never leave.

How do you handle grief? What was something joyful that lifted you up this past week? What goals will you conquer this week?

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20 responses

I’m so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. It is so difficult to deal with grief when you feel like you still must be strong for your kids. Nothing better really than continuing to talk about your loved ones, and allow all the feelings to flow.Debbie recently posted…Recipes for a Great Vegan Superbowl Party

Last year when I was in Boston training, Ron’s dad passed away. It was a tough time for all. The kids were the hardest. They see sadness but don’t know how to deal with it or even understand it. But talking about it all helped a lot. And of course, running is good for the soul no matter what time of the year. Think of you friend!Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted…Baked Broccoli Slaw Egg Rolls

Unfortunately I’m having some hard to handle grief in my life right now. It was helpful to read this and my heart goes out to you, especially with the kids and helping them cope. I know how powerful running can be to help move through grief. Here’s to hoping both of us can use it to find a way though. xoxoAllie recently posted…The Rundown – Cross Training (VIDEO)

losing a loved one is hard to work through and it took me a long time to deal with my grandmother’s passing as well. Remembering the good times with her helps.Deborah @ Confessions of a mother runner recently posted…Sweet Potato Salsa Egg Muffins

Sending happy and healing vibes your way. I hope the memory of your grandmother brings you joy and laughter in unexpected moments to help bring you peace. I have one living grandmother whom we visit weekly. Both my boys love her as I do. I am fortunate that they get to love her and know her like I do.
Best of luck on your training. I hope your runs bring you comfort!Crystal Renaud recently posted…Time For Training, Races And A Giveaway!

I’m so sorry Sandra for the loss of your grandmother. Grief is so tricky and can crop up in so many unexpected ways. But knowing that exercise and being outside helps is such a big thing and I’m glad that you were able to find some time to sweat and release. Thinking of you and sending so many big hugs.Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted…Sundance Film Festival 2016 and LUNA

Oh Sandra, I’m so sorry that you are having to deal with this. We had similar issues with my kids when my grandmother passed away, although my oldest was only 5 but he’s very perceptive. He still to this day brings her up and talks about her and it’s really sweet. Exercise definitely helps me out in times like these as well. Lacing up is usually the hardest part! Hugs friend! XOXOSue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes recently posted…Weekly Wrap: Snowstorms, running ruts, and wine…lots of wine

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Hello! I’m Sandra!

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