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Tuesday, December 25, 2012

The stars stood still for you
The sky spread wide apart
The day felt so new
This was a fresh start
The earth was ill prepared
For the gift you shared
The bridge was placed
Between the flesh and the word
The journey offered
Narrow and difficult
But the reward
So good
So pure
So worthy

Monday, December 24, 2012

Perhaps,
In you there is nothing for me
My insides are scarred from life
But I made a vow and I mean to be true
You linger here, seemingly
With nothing in your heart
I keeping waiting for the love to renew
And the truth comforts me
Because a burnt forest takes time to grow
The world can pass before I stop
My heart was broken but I keep vigil
Waiting
Waiting for you to know
I am not going anywhere without you
My resolve is rigid, my faith is strong
I will love you til there are no stars in the sky
Until all hope is gone
Waiting
Waiting for you to know
I'm never leaving, not leaving you
Until the winds of oblivion blow
Dust through my skeletal hand

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

These wounds are grievous
But I must bleed
I am not someone's desire
I have no one to love me
I am broken into pieces
Unredeemed and crying
Not a mystery
Nor a secret
No one will be my fire
Wind without a sail, breath without lungs
I am broken, a poem unspoken
Tears keep falling down
I miss you nowLike I loved you then
Fully and fulfilled
My sorrow is my crown
Worn like a king of nothing
Surround by a mansion
Of empty rooms
I am worthless without you
Devastated by this ruthless knowledge that
I am alone, I will be forever
Having known you, having lost you
Having had you call my name
I wish I were dead
Instead I am a king of this emptiness
And wear my crown of shame
Upon my turned down head
So no one sees these tears
Of failure

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Some think that the universe has justice
Some believe that life is good
Some believe that all the pain
We feel
Ultimately will remind us
Of what is true
Of what is worthy
Of what is just
But I don't know
I've no idea
I believe life just is
I believe that we exist
I believe all there is
Is what there is
And God knows
Why we live
Why we die
Why we sorrow
Laugh or cry
I don't know any more
Don't know the path
Don't know how to find
Heaven's door
With every dagger's twist
Every ironic shift
From every hope
To resolute exhaustive surrender
I don't know why we are here
And I don't want to remember
I just wish to sleep
I just wish
To go away
Dream of the end
In my cold little place
In my cold little world

This sorrow wears me
I am worn like a blanket
Weighted with lead
Drowning
My dreams have died
My flesh is cold
I've nothing but sorrow inside
Driving me down
Driving me down
Where nothing lives
A blackness fecund
Torments and chains
Holding me down
With no need to commit suicide
My life flees
Upon its own
and my sorrow
wears me
Like a fucking crown

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Amidst this frozen miracle
The winter darkness
Still bears life
I am fascinated by
Pure water forming ice
Patterns form and are beautiful
Delicate yet sharply defined
Coldly etched upon the surface
Time will erase them
The day will birth
The sun will rise
They will melt and fade
But until the thaw comes
I am content
To look at them
And wonder at them
Because their beauty reminds me
That nothing lasts forever
No matter how beautiful they might be

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Overhead an eagle flies
Above the snow field
Beneath the river ice
My stream still flows
In winter I am
Still alive
Upon the surface
A crow dances upon the snow
For life exists
No matter the season
I must persevere
Despite my sorrow
Despite the many reasons
I find
To not go on
There will be no winter kill
I will not enter
Oblivion
Willingly

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Like a beast
Without shame
It is within me
It hunts without fear
Unwilling to be tamed
Wild, passionate
Unsubtle but silent
Hungry but restrained
Hidden but real
My passion for you
Cannot be held back
I long for you
Like a beast
Upon the hunt
Your being near me
Like a feast
Your lips
My desire
In my heart
A beast hunts your being
That beast is unquenched
With absolute fire

Friday, November 30, 2012

A fool perhaps
I was immune to the fear
Because I dreamed
I saw hope instead
Of the red skies
The doom that covered the horizon
The sleep of the gods
The seed of oblivion
Passing not born
Because I saw your beauty
In a world torn with pain
I saw someone so unique
The sorrow of the tomb
Emptied with the proof
That love is eternal
That we might know the truth
By one who is in soul bloomNymphaeaNymphaea
Beautiful princess

Monday, November 26, 2012

We enter the slaughterhouse
By our own design
Giving up the joy
The hope
The dream
Giving our life
For instant pleasure
For instant death
By the inch
We created the slaughterhouse
The one we will die in
For our love of things
For sins
That kill us

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Told to go on
But I can't
Told to stay strong
But I'm not
Told its a long road
But I am tired
I don't have enough
To share
Don't have it in me
Anywhere
I am exhausted
In every way
So I break
There is nothing to do
There is nothing to say
I'm just here
For other's sake
I don't care anymore
I don't want to care
Ever again
I am undone
Undone
My spirit is slain
I am flesh
But without the will
To remain
So cold

Saturday, November 24, 2012

I cry until my heart is drenched
Loving you should mean
I am grateful
But that is too hard
In the absence
Sometimes I bleed
From desire
Unquenched
I grow bitter
Without your love
But
Both gratitude and bitterness are seeds
That bear fruit
Hope is a fire
Inside I am dying
From the desire
To love you
I vacillate between hope
And the pain
Of nothing

Saturday, November 3, 2012

I can't survive the sorrow
Your absence punishes me
There is no hope
Nothing can redeem
How I miss you now
And will never be free
Tears of sadness
Streaming down
The place I stand
Becomes unholy ground
For there will never be
A way for me to be
Healed
Hopeful
I need to be released
From this endless prison sentence
Of missing you
Of being alone now
Without your presence
I can't survive the sorrow
My heart will always grieve
I have no way of leaving
This unholy place
I made for myself
Without you
Now
And forever

Sunday, October 28, 2012

People love telling you, it seems, how you will go on after a loved one passes. Life will continue, they tell you it will just take time before you feel better. But for those who loved my mother, life went on, during her torment from Alzheimer’s disease. We watched as she went from a ball of energy, her will and energy never fleeting to someone quite different. She was someone quite changed, not really who she was before being afflicted by the hellish disease.

She came from German stock, her parents were immigrants to the US, from Germany, through Canada. Her parents were not wealthy, and during the Great Depression with four other siblings she was faced with lessons of living that only the traditional German work ethic helped make less hungry. Mom learned to deal with problems and stress by working, Arbeit Macht Frei is a phrase in German that means Labor sets you free. The expression comes from the title of a novel by German philologist Lorenz Diefenbach, Arbeit macht frei: Erzählung von Lorenz Diefenbach (1873), in which gamblers and cheats find the path to virtue through labor.

She lived Arbeit Macht Frei like no one else I know. As a child I would wake up from not being able to sleep well, or having not been able to actually fall asleep, and would come down to find her ironing clothes, watching late night television, and she’d be up the next morning before dawn, to get the day ready for her family. She did this all the time. If labor sets you free, she was more free than anyone could be.

But it wasn’t simply her ethnic heritage, nor her growing up during the Great Depression that made her so able to focus her energies, and live upon little sleep. She was driven to survive, first by dealing with achieving a life better than she’d grown up with. Then to create a family, to be parents to children with her husband Donnie. But while both my mom and father worked hard, and managed to make a life better than some, they were unable to conceive children, despite medical help. They turned to adoption, and made a life for children who might not have had a life so good elsewhere. And then, when my mother held my brother, then a baby, to her breast to comfort him, she noticed her nipple was sore. Since the child was not birthed from her, she knew something was wrong. She saw her doctor, and learned that she had breast cancer. Immediately she feared not only the cancer, which in 1961 was still a mysterious disease, but she feared losing her precious gift, her newly adopted child. It wasn’t an unfounded fear, she was facing the unknown.

She beat cancer. And then it returned. And when it returned she had adopted, with Donnie, her second child, me. She worried that she’d die, but again that she would lose her adopted children. She beat cancer again, this time losing not only her breast but her lymph nodes.

She beat cancer. She beat poverty. She did so through will. She was a tough German facing a challenge, a sort of combat, and she beat it through superior will.

Whatever memories people have of my mother, they remember her for her energy, for her constant motion and her will. She loved life, dancing, and coffee. She was hard to deal with sometimes, she was stubborn, but her heart is why she was stubborn. She refused to lose.

So now in her memory, when all I want is to not exist without her, I am going to do what she taught me, refuse to lose, and go on. It isn’t what I want. It is what she’d want. And that is enough for me.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Into the gray we walk
Without a touch of regret
Only souvenirs
Linger
For when we forget
Why bother to keep
What doesn't matter
The waking call it life
The sleeping seek peace
Into the gray the pace quickens
While thoughts scatter
Images fade
The living we lived for
Live another day
And we keep walking
The dreams unspoken
The choices untaken
No more tears
No more hearts breaking
Only the sounds
Of children laughing
The ocean tides rising
The wind through the trees
And the mourners walking
On the broken ground

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The edge of light
Showing
The mist parts the veil
Of night
Pitch black
Crowds the sky
Of color
But for the stars
Life is fading
Memories are scars
Darkness reigned
And held me
In firm embrace
My hope was gone
But the day will come
A golden dawn
A promise
Because there is more
Than the darkness
That dwells
Surrounds and fills
I have no choice
But to live
To wait upon the day
For sorrow does not feed me
While my grieving
Is without relent
There is a promise
That redeems
The coming day will be good
The days that follow better
Because I cannot hope
Upon sorrow
I will hope upon life
And tomorrow

Monday, October 22, 2012

Hollow from the pain
Staring into the emptiness
The world heaves in sorrow
The fires of eternity burn
Until there is nothing left
My soul is afire
With the tears
That leave me silent
Watching the scavengers
Feed upon my flesh
My corpse barely cold
Before the fetid feast is begun
Nothing can tame
Their hunger
And my body is now bare
Bones to dry
In the sun

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I've prayed for days
Upon my knees in solemn faith
Forgoing all that might sustain me
Trying to forestall what is to come
The inexorable march never ends
From dawn to dusk, day to night
Time passes
Only to stop by capricious whim of fate
I can't take your hand and draw you away
From this place to a better place
No matter my tears, offerings and sacrifices
Because the inevitable cannot be stopped
The end will happen
The end is already begun
No matter my sorrow
No matter how I grieve
For things never said
Things never done
That all leave me
Undone

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Ring-a-ring o' roses,
A pocket full of posies,
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
We all fall downWho are we to delay This endOur final inevitable fallWho are we to pray End this sufferingLord hear our callThe children dance in a ring Ring-a-ring o' roses,
A pocket full of posies,
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
We all fall downLord in heavenWe are cryingWe are dying Please End this living torment

Every ounce of sorrowOf each moment of timeBegs our forgivenessFrom the DivineRing-a-ring o' roses,
A pocket full of posies,
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
We all fall downWe callWe callAs our plague takes us downWe singWe sing The children sing their songRing-a-ring o' roses,
A pocket full of posies,
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
We all fall downThen we dance in circlesHoping to surviveBut the dance we doOnly wastes our timeAs we pursueAll those things we don't needYes we will pursue them

Ring-a-ring o' roses,
A pocket full of posies,
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
We all fall downWe become lost indeedWe've surrenderedOur souls begin to bleed We forget all we've learnedThere is nothing to remember We engage the curseFrom the world we've earnedWith our hearts of stone The plague will harvest us It runs through our veinsWithout our ability to atone We've eaten all the fruitsFrom our own planted bitter seedsAnd we've been left to our own

Thursday, October 18, 2012

She moves like silk feels
Against my skin
Her voice calls me
Awake from the dead
The scent of her hair
Of her being
Drives me mad
Not in lust
But for a person so
Rare
She appears before me
Riding an astral wind
The wind blows through me
I lose control
She is unique
Yes, beautiful
Perfect
I fall to my knees and pray
That she never leaves
My thoughts
My soul

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Once we rode before the highest king
Were the holders of the holy fire
We carried the Derafsh Kaviani
The banner of the emperor
And the royal house
Of the Sassanian Empire
Formerly we were the elite
Now we are remnants
Scattered across the land
Still loyal to the Emperor
Without an empire
We eat upon the run
Ride at night, hide during the day
The collapse of the empire
Separates us from our kin
Fleeing the invaders
While fighting to survive attacks
From the enemy outside
And from wounds within
We no longer fight for a country
For an empire or emperor
We fight for our lives
Against the innumerable tribes
Of the crescent star
We could never return
After al - Qadisiyyah
All that was left was taken
All that was home was gone
Never to rise again
So we ride

Monday, October 15, 2012

You move like air through the wind
You are fluid in dance
Before me
I can barely draw breath
You tempt me forward
Into your hands
And I am freed
You are beautiful
Like no one else
And I believe
First I stare
Then I gaze into your eyes
You are unique
A spirit being
Captured in flesh
My heart beats
My soul sings
You are here and
This is not a dream
You dance before me
And I watch in awe
For you are stunning
For you are life
Alive

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

In 637 Anno Domini
After the battle of al-Qādisiyyah
Destroyed the empire
There were few of us left
Leaderless but we survived
We lived off the land
Raided the enemy's supply lines
Attacked various units of their tribes
But although we were alive
The empire had died

We freed men taken slave
We killed countless enemies
We filled their bodies with arrows
We opposed the wave
Carrying the banner
Of Crescent and Star
We rode hidden trails
Became the ghosts that they feared
But the empire was dead
There was only the resistance
Given by the lost
For a cause that was gone

Coming upon an enormous tent
Of the enemy's
Heavily guarded
So we assumed it was a leader
And his treasures
Liberated from Sassanid hands
We surrounded it
Shot the guards full of arrows
We entered the tent when done
To find a different kind of treasure
Pleasure slaves of all races
The word in their language for it was Haraam
Forbidden
But it was forbidden only to some

I was disappointed not to find
Some fearful leader
With his guilty hands
But I saw someone there
And could not avert my eyes
She did not disguise her gaze
I was blind
For she looked through me
My armor made no defense
And she said take me from here please
I couldn't deny her

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

It might be you I need
But so what?
So what if I love you
So what if I care
So what if my heart beats
Only for you
Yes it is unfair
But there is nothing I can do
To change you
I don't need you
To tell me you love me
I don't need you
To tell me you care
Because to love you
Is enough
To love someone is my cross to bear
Because you are the one I love
You are the one I need
You are the one I seek to dream of
And that is enough
That is all in fact
To sleep thinking of you
To dream, being with you
Whether you love me
Or not
I do
And that is enough
For me to breathe

Monday, September 24, 2012

Where the waters reach
We will go
Where our chieftains lead
We will follow
The villages of our neighbors
The unprepared
The weak
They will fall
We then return
Before the sea of ice
Crushes us
In the floes that churn
We come back
To the lands of snow
With the long nights
Of darkness
Behind us
In our wake
The villages raided
Afire they burn
We are vikings
We go
Wherever the winds and water
Move us

Friday, September 21, 2012

Embraced by this
An eternal dance
Our pas de deux
A storm inside me was made calm
The moment I reached your hand
Because you are love
As the rising ocean tide meets the sands
As the air in the sky surrounds the sun
A new day is promised by the dawn
As surely as there is a sun in the sky above
Because of you I long to exist
You embrace my being
I long to forever kiss your lips
Your love redeems
I long to touch you
I long to gently sweep my hand across your mane of hair
Your love has tamed my wild soul
The hardened rage of passion, inside of me, is made soft
My heart seeks only to be in your possession
In your presence I am made pure
In you I will soar
Aloft
For you are love

Thursday, September 20, 2012

It was unquenchable
I burned
My love was alive
A raging fire
But you extinguished it
Easily
Inside my heart the life bled out
Ash remains are all
That are left behind
Now you return
Wanting things to go back
Like before
You say that you miss me
But
You don't
I have no doubt
You don't miss me
You miss being adored
And I am still composed
Of memories
And ash
Behind the door
Of my heart
That still beats
For you

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

When I die a raven will land upon my shoulder
It will watch as my body pulses in passing
But I will be standing, my flesh tied to a rock
For it is written that when my taboos are broken
My spirit will fail
Not even my spear Gáe Bulg shall save me

From the fall, from final defeat
But my life spent was worthy
From the time my spirit was forged
To my dying
I will walk all of the land
From eastern Ulster
To the paths of Leinster
Bringing hope to the fallen
Bringing victory to the good

I will die

Yes
But upon my feet
Still standing
For my land lives
And my spirit will return
As if the first who sees
The beautiful lands
Of Ulster

This land
This wonderful land
The glorious green
Will remain
Forever pristine
For I am Cuchulainn
The very Hound of Ulster

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Some want everything
I just want a kiss from your lips
Because I don't know if you know
How much I am able to love
Now
I don't know if you know How I found out what love even is
Because
I learned it from loving you
By learning what it means to be true
From the love that you gave to me
That I never earned or could possibly
Even fathom the depths
Of such truth
I learned how to love
From loving you

Sunday, August 26, 2012

You fill my senses
My being is awash in you
Within the moment is sublime
But even within your presence
I know
I will dream of you
Later this night in my sleep
Your beauty is exquisite
Your spirit is a nectar
There is no other
Who might compare
Your scent is finer than lavender
Your voice is gentle and sweet
Your skin is softer than silk
Fair love
Fairest one
I am yours
So deep

Monday, August 20, 2012

I've had enough
So broken
In pieces
Shattered
Scattered
My heart fallen
Fate teases
Faith promises
But I am undone
Walk away from me
My love
Turn away from me
And walk
I am not the one
Who can save you
From the wounds
That you inflict
Sip by sip
On yourself
The bottle is your best friend
And I can't get in the way
Of that friendship

Thursday, August 16, 2012

I am so undone by you
So moved by you
Every time I see your form
Approaching
Every time I hear your voice
I have no choice
When I see you I shiver
I never know what to say
Never know what to do
I surrender to my fate
Of loving you
Like a child in a candy filled room
Your scent stirs my senses
That scent more lovely than any perfume
Your beauty is so great
My mind reels in the surreal
You help me believe in eternity
By the words you share
By the love I feelWhen you speak to me
When you touch me
When I am in your gaze
I belong to you
Always amazed
When you offer to me your hand
To be near one, to be loved
By a being more lovely
Than all that is true
I am undone

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

In the drought plagued lands
The dust so thick it chokes
I smell a coming storm
Where the earth will renew
Joy will emerge from behind the cloak
The veil pulled back demure
Revealing the plague's harm
Skin cracked not smooth
The dreams of paradise lure
Sleep from the sleepless
The storm rises
The rain falls
Upon the floor
Of the desert
Where the world once laid
Green and abundant

I believe in you
I know your spirit is divine
I long to be yours
Your beauty is sublime
I love you
I always will
I always have
Forever exists
I feel it to my core
But there is no time
For me to conquer
All the demons that haunt you
That devastate your mind
I can never be yours
You made that clear
I can never be the one
Who you want
Who you desire to hold you
When you are crying and suffering
And you want to have near
Love does not require acceptance
Doesn't need to be requited
All it needs is to be held
Inside my heart
And I hold it dear
There
For it is all I have of you
Until the final dance
When oblivion takes hold
I will be in love
With your soul

Sunday, August 12, 2012

A life is given to be taken away
My soul is eternal but my flesh is not
This existence is temporary
My soul will dance
Long after my flesh has turned to rot
My flesh will betray
I am lost to my lust and temptations
They lure me from the path
I learned my life could never be kept
So it was given to me to give to others
The first will be last in the upside down kingdom
I surrendered my will to that of my great king
But I am exhausted
My flesh is tired and I sorrow my failings
I have yet to find that city upon a hill
I have sought truth and have walked forever
I will continue seeking
I long to know the proper way
I am broken but I am ready
To surrender all I have
Even if I have nothing worth keeping
The journey has taught me to endure

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Just a kiss? No.
Something more
Something rarely given voice
Was it destiny or a choice
Was it an act of betrayal
Or an actor performing as directed
If the story was told and the play written
Was he fulfilling his role
Or was it the devil who had entered
Was he choosing to be or was he a puppet of fate
When Judas kissed Jesus
High Priest Caiaphas exulted
For his men had arrested one
Had taken the man causing the trouble
Who was this Jesus?
A teacher, perhaps an Essene
A rebel, a wolf in sheep's clothing
Caiaphas turned over this one
To suffer Prefect Pilate's whims
The Romans knew how to crush men
Knew how to wound the flesh
They were given this Lamb of God
To be offered to be a sacrifice
To push out his final breath
Under the yoke of Roman law
Judas kissed Jesus, called him teacher
Christ knew Judas would be the one
But was it betrayal or fate
Was Judas cursed to be the one?
Did he have faith, was he a traitor
Or did he do what he was born for

Monday, August 6, 2012

I fell from the greatest heights
I could never express
The sorrow of my loss
So darkened the day's light
The sun fled
My grieving knew no end
I lost the one I loved
Leaving me forever
Alone
I gave her my heart
She gave me a black rose
The beauty was dark
The thorns of the stem
Pierced my side
Black blood did bleed
Into nothing but emptiness
Where once my heart
Did beat

Monday, July 23, 2012

In the end I was
Undone by expectations
That the others had for me
Of perfection so surreal
I regret my living
A life that wasn't fulfilled
I forget the many times
I was forgiven
For the trusts betrayed
I am dissected by the truth
My flesh is a puppet
Of the others controlling the wire
Of the others who guide the line
Putting the words in my mouth
Aiming my body towards the pathTrying to avert final judment
The creator has for me
Who am I to question
The others who wish perfection
The maker of this flesh
Must have been mistaken
For my flaws I've been forsaken
Why do I even bother
To wonder why
I've been left here
To die
Drowning in a desert
Burning in the cold
Freezing in the heat
Of humanity

Saturday, July 21, 2012

You make me wonder
Are you made of stars
You make me wish
To fly
More powerful than thunder
Your love heals my scars
You are a gift
You are the answer to why
Why go on?
What is there beyond this worldI might never know
But that I tasted of your being
Kissed your lips
Lets the grace and mercy flow
And knowing you
Heals
All the things that wound me

Friday, July 13, 2012

As this existence fades
Far away into the gray
Forever becomes a dream
By which we keep
The love we made
In this world
I cannot reveal the future
But to offer one thing
All we are is spirit
All our flesh is cage
This human life is temporal
And when we die
We'll see
A world far different
Than this one
For long ago
Eternity was begun
By one far beyond our seeing
To find that place is a goal
Few can ever reach

Monday, July 9, 2012

I walked a mile with a stone in my shoe
You slept in the hospital bed
I was numb to the pain
You would be screaming
If you weren't covered in tubes
My shoe covered in red
The socks were stained
I didn't what I'd do
With you gone
I'd have to start over
Live somewhere new
Find a new life
Or die myself
Before you
I had to choose
So I kept walking
Until I could think of a plan
That might work
But I'll have to keep walking
Because there is nothing good
Without you

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Clouds of dread
Casting shadows
There is coming
Eternal night
But you said you'd return
So I wait
Without conditions
Unreservedly
Patiently
Despite annihilation
The world turns
All around me
I have faith
That you will be back
While the fires of Armageddon burn
I wait
For your appearance
To reconcile my soul
With redemption
But my heart turns black
In sorrow
For the time it has taken
Watching the world fall apart
So shallow and empty
Forsaken
I wait

Empty like the dreams they had
Their lives crushed beneath the steel
And concrete
Broken
They are now dust in a world modern and surreal
Overgrown with tangle and brush
The earth reclaims its own
Without regret
The lives lived there faded
Flesh passes into the gray zone
Spiral staircase follows downward
Collapsed and broken silent since
The uncertainty
No words can relate
The level of emptiness
Of modernity

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Though the torch is turned
Upside down
And life is extinguished for now
The angel of death victorious
Does not celebrate
Rather
She weeps
For another opportunity to succeed
Lost
Drowned in the failures of flesh
Another life sent off to dream
And sleep
While a new life draws first breath

Saturday, June 30, 2012

I am nothing
Bound up
Held within a shell
A personal hell
My flesh decays
Inside
A living black hole
All my thought and dream
Sucked down the pipe
Spewed out into oblivion
The blackness
The dark
The dead flesh is ripe
And my fetid remains
Sink down into
Mania
Sorrow
Fear
Emptiness
Alone
In pain
Fighting tears
Fleeing fate
The hollow
The daze
I remember life
This is not it
This is a life betrayed

"There is no worse sickness for the soul,
O you who are proud,
than this pretense of perfection.
The heart and eyes must bleed a lot
before self-complacency falls away."
Rumi

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Despite his beauty
and lineage of divinity
He bore the woe of a people
Grievous scars
Achilles, Akhos Laos
Grief of a nation, through wars
Kleos, glory
Untold woes

“Sing, Goddess, of the rage of Peleus' son Achilles,
the accursed rage that brought great suffering to the Achaeans”

Warrior of endless rage
Anger towards every foe
Black soul mourning
Sorrows deeply flow
Impeccable warrior
Son of the Gods
By rights a hero
By his acts feared
Wild rage unleashed
The enemy bled
His way was violent
Cruel
His opponents fled
His countenance seared
Into their psyche
Long before battle

“Achilles glared at him and answered, "Fool, prate not to me about covenants. There can be no covenants between men and lions, wolves and lambs can never be of one mind, but hate each other out and out an through. Therefore there can be no understanding between you and me, nor may there be any covenants between us, till one or other shall fall”

She alone will tell us
What the gods know to be good
But she does not desire your worship
Nor your company
You do not approach
You are summoned
You are not allowed
You are shown
You are not to speak
But to be spoken towards
For she is the one
The gods recall
She has spoken to them
Hovered beneath their feet
She has eaten their fruit
She will teach
She will linger in the holy
She will fetch the truth
For all to learn
She will reach into the eternal
Pulling forth divine knowledge
When ready she will offer
A taste of the gods' nectar
She will offer more
Than we could ever ask
If we simply allow her
Time
Silence
And solemnity
While she completes her task

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Laying silently they are there
Memories of a fallen age
Long since knowing the sounds
Of human activity
Their past residents
Lost in time now
So far distant
The present day
Ignorant of the world
That lays beneath
The waves cover
The monoliths sleep
Resplendent antiquity
While humans forget
Living in ignorant regret
The times of modernity
Swirl up and erase
The traces of the past
And the memories are consumed
By the pride of man
Today

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Make me bleed
Exsanguinate
Shit on me
Defecate
I can't breathe
Suffocate
I cannot fight back
Retaliate
Just let me be
Hate
Nothing really matters
Just complicate the truth
Let yourselves be freed
Bleed into the world
Of color
Justify the lies
Make the others pay
Complicate reality
By screaming obscenities

Saturday, June 23, 2012

My hope is growing thin
But I don't think it matters
My heart has been broken
Before
I need to get up
The coffee is getting cold
My tears keep falling in
The cup
The morning is rising
The sun is breaking the horizon
I can't stay awake
Any more
Waiting for you to come on home
I don't know where you've been
I don't care where you go
I just can't take it any longer
Watching you walk out that door
I'll be here when you come back
But my heart left a while ago
Soon the rest of me will follow
I know you don't care
But I did
I won't go on alone
Drinking coffee and crying
Sleeping and waking up
On the kitchen floor

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Deimos sits beneath Mars' gaze
Standing silent
Watching
Because the Gods are eternal
And transcendent in power
Because they are beyond the minds of men
Because they are outside of time
Having no use for seconds, minutes or hours
They are able to reach across space
With but a glance
And seed their children
Across the universe
Stars will fall
Galaxies chase
Oblivion's game
But the Gods

Although I never
I know the addiction
I never tried the lot of them
Not one entered my mouth
Or entered my veins
Drugs of any sort illegal
Not even to assuage the pain
The moment after I kissed her lips
Beyond the lingered in embrace
I began to twist
Like an addict in withdrawal
The moment I saw her face
My body screamed for more
In abject need
Like some unwritten law
That says when you meet
You must engage
And you never can
You never will again
I twist
Like some heroin user's rage
Like an alcoholic's return
To the beast that bore him
An addiction you cannot tame
I twist
Every time I hear her name
I twist
I twist

Where my heart lays
In the lap of the one
I love
Is beyond compare
For I have begun
To be
To know
I have only this
The present and now
I have only her
My lover and soul
I long to breathe the air
That has rested in her lungs
I long to be the man
Who is the one she loves
I long to stand
Next to her
Forever
She is my dream
My desire
To be with her
Together
When time never ends
When the sky turns infinite
In beauty

If I could live without feeling that again
I'd be happy
I never got to hold you
To kiss you
But I know
How good it would feel
You said you loved me
I said I can't go
I miss you
But I missed you then
My life is too real
To give in to fantasy
There is only today
Maybe tomorrow
No back when
When you loved me
Because those days are gone
I miss you
But the time is done
When I could say yes
To dreams over a horizon
So now I sit
With my thoughts
Taking sips of my liquid killer of the pain
Overwrought
Thinking about tomorrow
Since it is all I have
Today

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Sorrow is a bloody souvenir
A memory of loss
Grieving and bleeding
Without relent
Raining down tears
Over that which cannot change
We hold onto that memory
The regret that lingers
You cannot forget
Nothing can satiate that thirst
For redemption
The echoes of the emotions
That go on
Sorrow steals our hope
And drowns our ego
Step into the pool
Wash your sins away
We can never know
The ways of life
All we can do
Is swim
And try not to drown

Monday, June 18, 2012

He waits for the chance to prove himself
But those who he serves hope
That he does not have to do that
A warrior's burden is
Honor and boredom
To remain taut with agility and strength
Despite the weariness of duty
The inactivity making you fat
He serves in truth
Hoping to prove himself worthy
To be, for just one moment
The one the master deems good
Faithful and unshaken
That one chance to be
More than his entire life has made him
He waits for that time but
The urgency of the boredom
Reminds him
That his role is one
Without reward
Outside of knowing
By his presence
He won't need to be the one
Deemed worthy

Friday, June 15, 2012

To live is to be willing to dieAt any timeTo truly live is to live upon that edgeBetween living and dyingAnd having no attachmentsTo either sideTo be a samuraiOne must serveAnd be willingTo give his final breathTo offer his lifeWithout questionTo his lordFor any reasonUnto his deathFor no other purposeThan his request

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Hi, I heard the message that you left on my machineFor a moment I thought is this a dreamSo divine, it made me feel drunk and giddySo sublime, it made me wish I was asleepBut you knowSince you left I've been in a dazeIn your absence, I've been shatteredAs if glass from a window brokenFalling from a 71st floor windowFallingDownIn Death's embraceYour voice reminded meThat my life was good onceLike some child's happy songBut now I am shatteredAcross the groundMy hopes scatteredGoneSo goneSo long my loveI miss youGoneSo goneGoodbye

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Beneath the waves
Of crimson flow
My heart is carried
Broken in two
From the wages of love
From the cost of hope
The wounds are smooth
The chest smokes
From the burning of pain
From the rejection inside
When you turned me away
My heart simply died

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Like the clowns at a circus
Making us laugh and cry
The questions entertain us
Make us wonder why
But to ask a question
I wonder the purpose
Or the answer is thrown
Like dust to the wind
We do nothing
While we watch
The world is a carcass
Vivisected into pieces
Waiting to be examined
For some God written thesis
Why are we here
Why do we live
Why do we die
The logic is specious
But worse is this idea
That we can ever know
That the world can ever show
A reason to exist
Beyond the absurd
Splatters of paint and smoke
Ideas and words
Laughed at by the crows
We can't figure it out
In the meantime we are watched
By the ravens and the crows
They laugh at us
Just birds
Because they go on
Like we should
Because we don't know

Monday, June 11, 2012

Staring at the moon
Contemplating again
I wonder inside
Beyond the magnificence of the stars
And wonders of this world
About you
I wonder without the rains coming down
Without the sun coming up
Without the winds blowing hard
Without your love
There'd be a world of emptiness
There'd be a world of sorrow
There'd be no one to love me
There'd be empty tomorrows
And that is too painful to imagine
So I stare at the sky above again
Not thinking about the world that might have been
And gently remind myself
That you inhabit my deepest soul
You fill me to the core
That you do love me
That you are in my heart
That you hold me now
And ever more

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Rain and winds
The gathering storm
Screaming
Inside
Let me out of this cage
Wrapped in flesh
The fire has raged
Still burning
Consumes my core
The rain is tears
That flow
Down
Whispering ashes to ashes
Sorrow to sorrows
Hope is gone
Love longed for
The dream is lost
Plagues of sadness
Reveal the cost
Darkness ascends
Joy departs
Grieving alone
Broken heart
I used to be a man
But now I am regret
An emotion bound in pain
I can never forget

Ancient it stands above the horizonBeyond approach of timeSo cold, and yetSo perfectThe spire rises above the mountainsSurrounding itThe beauty of it is sublimeConstructed of ice by the Elvish racesTo commemorate their standAgainst the men races and orcsWho invaded and killed at willAtop the frozen planetThe spire stands so stillThe winds chastise and destroyAny living thingBut the spire rises and standsWhile the winds howl and sing

Friday, June 8, 2012

You are an oasis in a desertAnd when there
You quench my deepest thirstMy imra'a, it is youPrincess of my worldBecause of you I am free
For to live in the world without loveIs as if you must swim in the Rub' al Khali Empty
Without hopeYou are lost before you’ve begunBut because of your unsubtle compassionThe depths of a lover’s soulI swim in the deepYou are more than my longingYou fill me to more than fullWith every promise that you keepYou erase life’s miserable tollI should rather die Alone and unlovedThan to ever hurt youBecause in truthYou make me whole

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

In late summer
The fields of grass are tall
The days are warm
Quiet before the harvest
I was laying there
Staring up
Under the safe skies
Remembered when she held me
I slept upon her bosom
So safe in that place
As if I were fetus
Sleeping in my mother's womb
The winds were gentle
The sun was bright
The embrace was firm
Nothing existed but each other
And she held me in my dreams
Kept out the thoughts of life
That smother me
She left long ago
And breathing is still hard
From missing her
My heart still lingers there
In the tall grass
Though I am scarred
I long to return
To where safe
And she held me
Where the days are warm
And my dreams are fair

Better that I die
That the teeth or
The talons of steel
Should slay me
Than I allow any harmTo the people I defend
I am called to arms
My lance
My body
My bones
My flesh and steel
Are owned by my lord
For his purpose
I am fulfilled
To slay the wyrms
To hunt the dragons
To kill or
That I should be killed

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

We exist now
But we are becoming obsolete
Are we naive to think that we are more than
gears, sprockets, cogs of a mighty machine?
We can be bred in a test tube
All of our parts can be harvested
Sold to others or replaced at will
The moment our DNA is coded
We will not even have to have lived
We can be made from scratch
In a laboratory
And avoid the pain of birth
Avoid the hand of God
As humans become the master

Monday, June 4, 2012

Though the world might revel
In horrible things
As the hearts of men grow cold
To morals and principals of good
She is perfect
When I see her
My heart is light
My soul sings
She warms my soul
When I see her there
If I could speak to her
My heart would shout
For she is beauty
Nude to the world
Her soul unclothedUncovered to all
But still with demure
The globe would stop
From turning
Should she sigh
Her beauty is great
Her being is gentle
Her soul brings comfort
Her form is exquisite
I will always be moved
Even should I become cold inside,
Because of her
For who and what she is
The very Gods would cry
Should she be saddened

I served in the Emir's guard
Assigned to the ha'rem
Because I was worthy
I refused to partake
In the temptations there
There was one who moved me
Her eyes told stories about her past
I was honor bound to protect her
It wasn't about glory
I wanted to be the last one to ever harm her
Life has consequences
Wealth and beauty make life easier
In some respects
But in the path to heaven it doesn't matter
Whatever you do for someone in kindness
Is worth it regardless of the return
I was sworn to be her guardian
Over time I grew to care deeply for her
Because I saw her as a woman of great quality
The others in the Emir's company
Were like scorpions
Backstabbing and betraying
She was above that
Her beauty was immense, yes
But her greatest trait was her spirit
And kindness

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Wear the Raven mask
To see reality in focus
Instead of the false imagery
Instead of the dreams
We seek
The skies are turned red
The world faces plague
The end beckons
We avert our gaze
We turn our head
To wear the Raven mask
We are forced
To see existence fully
The vision so clear
The ways of men
Must change
The path to truth
So narrow
So few follow
Even less see
The Raven mask reveals
A world in love
With pleasure
With its gluttony
With its consumption
With its excess
When existence is more
So much more
We close this chapter
As pleasure whores
In shame

Deep into FebruaryForbidding and grayNonethelessWe can see the sunIn winterFrozen, staidForebodingBursting in our chestOur breath provesThe spark remainsIn the silenceWalking upon the snowsChilled insideTo the bonesThe feelings revealWe existDespite the coldAnd in that lifeThere is victory

Saturday, June 2, 2012

When I thirst
You fill my cup to overflowing
When I pray
You fulfill my heart
Until it is singing
When I sleep
In my dreams
You will be there
For you fill me up
With your redeeming love
You are the lover of my soul
Your voice called me
From the endless pain
And you filled my heart full

Thursday, May 31, 2012

I lost my heartYou lost yours to doubtI don’t need anything more to knowI don’t need your voice to tell me I’m wrongI don’t need to see the empty houseto understand that you’ve goneI could see it in your eyesYou stopped loving me long agoI’d have committed suicide of my egoTo keep you hereI’ve been undone by you, undone by loveMade myself a foolFailedBut I will endure thisI will have faithFor my hand still bears your ring

You don't choose love
It chooses you
You may walk into it
But you don't ask to enter
You can't force your way out
When one climbs upon
the back of a tiger
One does not thereafter
get to choose
When and where to dismount

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The dust storm followed me like it was an escort
With wings and a black flowing cloak
I hit the gas and flew through the panhandle
I wasn't lingering or worried
Stopping only to piss and smoke
I'd had enough of bad harvest and no work
So I took my car and bedroll
And drove til I ran out of gas in Oklahoma
Stopped there for a while
Drank the diner out of coffee
And smoked cigarettes until I choked

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A universe and its contentsThe planets and the moons Stars and more Before her all stand stillHer beautiful mannerHer eyes and lipsShe is about to danceAnd the universe pausesFor to embrace her is allThey can think to doHer figure is liquidHer form is perfectAnd her moves remind itOf just one thingThat the original danceWas done just soAnd with itThe universeCame into being

If there is something called KarmaIf “what comes around goes around,”Then we are all well and truly screwedIf we believe that we do goodTo get good backThen we do it for no greater purposeNo greater goodThere is one deed that breaks KarmaThat ends every single legacy of curseIt happened on a wooden crossAnd the event is graceUnearnedUndeservedAnd through it we are savedI don't believe in KarmaBecause I believe that one act broke the chains

In a meadow, in a fieldFar far away from hereA butterfly gets trapped in a currentOf airIt shows no fearAdjusts its wingspeedAnd flutters awayCausing a changing in the atmosphereCausing a response in the windsSomewhere unpreparedComes a stormFar worse than could be expectedCrashing into the shoreCome wavesGreater than planned forAnd in the meadowIn the fieldThe butterflyGently flies

Death may take meWhen I am contentWhen I have livedWhen I have seen all that isI might fallMy body might breakBut Death can waitHis quota is fullI prefer to sleepDream of worlds I have not yet seenAnd long thereafterTo be awakenedIn a field in ElysiumRather than stolen from this placeBy a scytheBorn by a wicked beastWho has a kiss that equalsDeath

You know that bullshit about love means never having to say you are sorry?Pure shit.Love means apologizing and owning your flaws.Love means knowing when to say you are wrong.Love means caring enough about your partner that you give inBecause pride is stupidBecause selfishness is sinLove means being responsible for anotherLove means you want them to be better, but also happyLove means making things happen so that things are betterSo say you are sorry, own your mistakes and move onDamn it.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Sorrow, crying and rosesLaying upon the tombstoneShe weeps unconsolableHer love has been lostShe remembers what she hadShe understands the ultimate costOf going to warHer love will pursue himInto eternityAnd someday she hopesTo join him there

Sunday, May 27, 2012

We fearWe loveWe stand from afar and gazeHealer and bringer of plagueGuardian of the sunKeeper of the moonApollo stands so far aboveAll that we are here belowBeautifulSo beautifulSo dangerously beautifulFilled with magnificenceBeyond my comprehensionApollo holds all in raptureA God amongst GodsSpiteful and capriciousYet loving and tenderWho am ITo question his natureFrom afar

Some return in coach classVia commercial flight homeOthers in the wooden boxKept in the belly of the planeWar killsWar changes liveSome insist that all are heroesSome insist on much the oppositeGoing off to war doesn't make someone a heroIt doesn't even necessarily make them a soldierBut going to serve does something that I haven't doneIt causes them to return changedIt leaves wounds that are silentThere are heroes who are celebratedOthers who never show their painNo one seeing combat returns the sameFor all of their sacrifice I honor themI remember themI pray they are blessedI pray their families remember the lostAnd remember their namesForeverIn glory for their service and without shameFor I have not walked or fought in their shoesAnd I pray my son doesn't either

Two together in love
Are beautiful together
Regardless of ancient words
Regardless of ancient beliefs
Regardless of mindless hate
Love is love
Two is two
Blessings given
Are blessings received
Love is love
Two is two
Love is the point
Love is the truth

Saturday, May 26, 2012

In late summer a lone tree standsWhile about it, crows soarIn the treeA murder of crows sits waitingFor nothing in particular to happenBut if they wait long enoughSomething might occurWorth the waiting for

Friday, May 25, 2012

Ancient Egypt's splendor reached the highest place
Eternity's secret were learned, and shared
Monuments were lifted
Humans dared to believe
That they were descended of Gods
And had a relationship with their deities
The world was immeasurably large
But they were unafraid
For Egypt was the home
Of the son of the sun
Horus was at his right hand
And serenity was the law
Of the Pharaoh's land

At the river Granicus the Persians nearly slew Alexander the Great
But his life was spared by Cleitus the Black
Who chopped off the arm of enemy about to perform a killing blow
Still Alexander suffered a wound,
A half inch crease of blood across his skull,
So goes the course of history
Cleitus saved him, for greater things
The campaigns went on proving Alexander's brilliance
Miracles were performed by Alexander
Empires and nations fell before him
In truth, Alexander felt that he was beyond reproach
But Cleitus felt allowed by his saving deeds
So he spoke of Alexander, to his face
Approached him as if Alexander was a man, not a God
Told him that Alexander was certainly Great
But still subordinate, to his men
And he should obey Macedonia's needs
Instead of Alexander's need of pleasures
But Cleitus wasn't allowed
And received a spear in his body
Thrown by Alexander
For his honest words
To a self perceived God
Beyond reproach

The world is empty for me
The shell of steel and construct
The monuments of modernity
Are meaningless bones of the past
I am leaving
My thoughts are scars
My dreams are mockery
I have no peace only wars
I can't last
Should I wash upon the shores
Of some distant land
Green and welcoming
I should like to sleep
In its arms

The tether cable snapped
The gravity pulled
He went flying off
Into the dead zone
In an hour
His air was gone
In a year
He was mummified whole
No one saw him
So the government lied
Said he was missing
Instead of saying
That he died

You hold the answer to the question
Upon your tongue, between your lips
Behind your teeth
You hold the words
That can kill or save me
Like a judge in a trial
Do you want to try to help
To let me breathe
Or would you rather
Let me linger
In this complete denial
That you loved me
That you ever loved
I've gone long enough alone
I don't know why I'm even trying
So say the words
Yes or no
Just tell me what you feel
Do you love me
Or do you not
I need to know what's real

Thursday, May 24, 2012

In the earliest days of the kingdom
The land was beset by demons
Nothing seemed to harm them
Until two were slain by another
Over some dispute
The bodies bled ichors
Smelled foul and acrid
Like some fetid perfume
The king called upon his mystics
To look upon the bodies of the dead
See what might harm these beasts
For if nothing could then only doom
Would be the future
The king would die
From the highest down to the least
The mystics found the secret
That the blood of the demons burned like fire
Acid or flame the same result
So they forged a blade with the demon's blood
Molten steel and demonic plasma
Birthing a sword
That could slay the greatest of the demon kind
But only if borne by a warrior of pure heart
The demon wars have long since ended
But the sword still lays in wait
For it slew the demons without effort
Gaining the epitaph
Kinslayer
Named thus by the demons
Yes it lays in wait
Ready for the warrior's hand
Should the demons come back

Watching the news
in 2012
Should Greece fall
Spain is next
And how ironic
For Spain was the leader
In teaching Europe to fight
Against the encroachment of the Moors
Little by little
They had only one choice
To retake their land
Or be enslaved
Held to foreign powers
Following foreign ways
Fight or die
There is no other choice
Remember Granada 1492
Or you will not survive

A man thought wise
Wrote in his journalAll hope is gone
My sanity has fled
I've begged and prayed
I've spent my days
Upon my knees
Until they've bled
There is no answer
I know that now
I've waited forever
I've asked all the questions
All I can see is absurdity
I am a cancer, an abject stain
There is no reason for me to remain
I don't see how I can go on
Take me oblivion
Let the Norns cut the thread
Let the fates be decided
Let my ashes be spread
To the distant horizon

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

In the minds of Americans
Suffering from poverty
They captured the spirit
Of the outlaws of the west
But they were just kids
With guns and dreams
And a desire to be famous and rich
Eventually after a trail of blood and exploits
They wanted to believe their own legend
But they knew that they weren't heroes,
They weren't rebels
Legends fall hard
When instead they were simply criminals
And after an ambush
Where so many bullets were fired
That the posse went deaf
Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow
were dead

THE TRAIL'S END
By Bonnie Parker

You've read the story of Jesse James
of how he lived and died.
If you're still in need;
of something to read,
here's the story of Bonnie and Clyde.
Now Bonnie and Clyde are the Barrow gang
I'm sure you all have read.
how they rob and steal;
and those who squeal,
are usually found dying or dead.

There's lots of untruths to these write-ups;
they're not as ruthless as that.
their nature is raw;
they hate all the law,
the stool pigeons, spotters and rats.
They call them cold-blooded killers
they say they are heartless and mean.
But I say this with pride
that I once knew Clyde,
when he was honest and upright and clean.

But the law fooled around;
kept taking him down,
and locking him up in a cell.
Till he said to me;
"I'll never be free,
so I'll meet a few of them in hell"

The road was so dimly lighted
there were no highway signs to guide.
But they made up their minds;
if all roads were blind,
they wouldn't give up till they died.

The road gets dimmer and dimmer
sometimes you can hardly see.
But it's fight man to man
and do all you can,
for they know they can never be free.

From heart-break some people have suffered
from weariness some people have died.
But take it all in all;
our troubles are small,
till we get like Bonnie and Clyde.

If a policeman is killed in Dallas
and they have no clue or guide.
If they can't find a fiend,
they just wipe their slate clean
and hang it on Bonnie and Clyde.

There's two crimes committed in America
not accredited to the Barrow mob.
They had no hand;
in the kidnap demand,
nor the Kansas City Depot job.

A newsboy once said to his buddy;
"I wish old Clyde would get jumped.
In these awfull hard times;
we'd make a few dimes,
if five or six cops would get bumped"

The police haven't got the report yet
but Clyde called me up today.
He said,"Don't start any fights;
we aren't working nights,
we're joining the NRA."

From Irving to West Dallas viaduct
is known as the Great Divide.
Where the women are kin;
and the men are men,
and they won't "stool" on Bonnie and Clyde.

If they try to act like citizens
and rent them a nice little flat.
About the third night;
they're invited to fight,
by a sub-gun's rat-tat-tat.

They don't think they're too smart or desperate
they know that the law always wins.
They've been shot at before;
but they do not ignore,
that death is the wages of sin.

Some day they'll go down together
they'll bury them side by side.
To few it'll be grief,
to the law a relief
but it's death for Bonnie and Clyde.

Born to die
Teaming life
Last to first
Without barriers
The burning flesh
The necrotic tissues
Dying humans
Giving birth
Enter the cycle
Feeding the earth
Culling the weak
The pathway opens
The gates forced
The rebelling cells
Attack

"We were told in one lecture that it was possible to immunize against
diphtheria and tetanus by the use of chemically treated toxins, or
toxoids. And the following lecture, we were told that for immunization
against a virus disease, you have to experience the infection, and that
you could not induce immunity with the so-called "killed" or
inactivated, chemically treated virus preparation. Well, somehow, that
struck me. What struck me was that both statements couldn't be true. And
I asked why this was so, and the answer that was given was in a sense,
'Because.' There was no satisfactory answer."

Welcome

I am a poet who has both been published and self published. All work on this blog is all copyright Alex Ness. While I make very little money from my work I am technically a professional. Measuring by the hours I've written I am professional. My goal is to share my work with as many people that can read it, as far as the internet may reach with it. I hope if you are moved you will share this blog with others, and perhaps buy my books.

Whatever the result, thank you for viewing this blog. I cannot express how greatly I appreciate the many people, from many places upon the earth, who have visited.