But still, it's actually kinda brilliant, jokes about dirty politics aside, we always wanted our leaders to be more accessible, and twitter is so fast. So Prez can maybe get a little stress relief. (Simulation)

Animal tip*disclaimer* this MAY sound crazy, but believe me, it works.Step 1: obtain an animal that scurries fast. Go to petco and purchase either 10 rats/10 white mice/3 ferrets OR obtain a farm pot bellies pig/hen/or boar. My aunt higgith once obtained a keckle of geese that she personally lifted from a nearby town farm.Step 2: store animals in an inconspicuous container. Make sure it has air holes for breathing so your animals don’t die.Step 3: drive to a store you’d like to shoplift fromStep 4: enter the store carrying your hidden animals of choiceStep 5: when no one is around, release your furry friends into the isle and watch them scurry and scamper everywhereStep 6: immediately run to the nearest SA and tell them you saw a rodent/animalStep 7: the SA will typically call in a special code in their walkie talkie or will have to alert their supervisors that a live animal is on the loose. Remember: the more animals scurrying free the better!Step 8: steal all the shit you want! At this point the entire store will be trying to locate the pest and will probably not be paying attention to any cameras. Innocent shoppers may get frantic and scared of a wild boar making its way through the store and soon chaos may take over the store, inciting frenzied crowd syndromeStep 9: while the store is chaotic, steal steal steal! Shove shit down your pants, eat a bag of chips while you’re at it, and empty the registers! Take a shit right inside the toy isle! LP won’t be paying attentionStep 10: leave! Run! Remember to only attempt this crazy tip once every five years or so. My aunt Higgith once released a bucket of rats and 3 guinea pigs into Target and she was able to get away with $4k worth of shit while the entire store was under terror

Animal tip*disclaimer* this MAY sound crazy, but believe me, it works.Step 1: obtain an animal that scurries fast. Go to petco and purchase either 10 rats/10 white mice/3 ferrets OR obtain a farm pot bellies pig/hen/or boar. My aunt higgith once obtained a keckle of geese that she personally lifted from a nearby town farm.Step 2: store animals in an inconspicuous container. Make sure it has air holes for breathing so your animals don’t die.Step 3: drive to a store you’d like to shoplift fromStep 4: enter the store carrying your hidden animals of choiceStep 5: when no one is around, release your furry friends into the isle and watch them scurry and scamper everywhereStep 6: immediately run to the nearest SA and tell them you saw a rodent/animalStep 7: the SA will typically call in a special code in their walkie talkie or will have to alert their supervisors that a live animal is on the loose. Remember: the more animals scurrying free the better!Step 8: steal all the shit you want! At this point the entire store will be trying to locate the pest and will probably not be paying attention to any cameras. Innocent shoppers may get frantic and scared of a wild boar making its way through the store and soon chaos may take over the store, inciting frenzied crowd syndromeStep 9: while the store is chaotic, steal steal steal! Shove shit down your pants, eat a bag of chips while you’re at it, and empty the registers! Take a shit right inside the toy isle! LP won’t be paying attentionStep 10: leave! Run! Remember to only attempt this crazy tip once every five years or so. My aunt Higgith once released a bucket of rats and 3 guinea pigs into Target and she was able to get away with $4k worth of shit while the entire store was under terror

Many years ago, while I was working at a large discount store in a high crime area, we had an incompetent clerk that worked the pet department that on more than one occasion, let all the parakeets loose. They were flying all over the store, dive bombing customers, while she chased after the birds with a net.

While this was going on, one time, someone got the bright idea of shoplifting some stuff from the electronics department (my department). Little did they know that there was a guy whose sole job was to watch that department on camera, and no matter what was going on elsewhere in the store, that was still his only job.

They made it out of the electronics department with whatever they were trying to steal (I received a phone call from the camera watcher to not say anything and just let him go), only to be stopped at one of the exits by a couple of rather large off duty police officers (that were hired to work security for us) standing in his way. As soon as the guy watching the cameras saw the dude stuff merchandise down his pants, he made the radio call to our security guys, with a full description of what he looked like, then tracking him through the store on camera, while talking to the officers. The officers knew just which door he was headed for and met him there.

The moral of the story is this: Animal control is not the job of security people. Never assume that it is.

It's stuff like that, that makes me wonder once more about how many of these tumblr blogs aren't just trolls looking to find a bunch of complete and total morons, or get those morons into serious trouble.

Some of the SJW tumblrinas are so wonky, that it's tough to know whether they're trolling or serious, because there really are people that are that wacked out. If a drunk can chop his own head off with a chainsaw, and a feminist can abort her kid purely because it's male... then some of these other freaks kind of seem to be a bit more realistic.

But... time for more insanity~!

tumblrinas that think they are animals or dragons or god knows what...

When I was about 5 I realized I was a dragon but never knew the name for it. Originally I was an Ice dragon named Fragment, then I became Luna the Darkness dragon, then I became Breeze the Wind and Poison Dragon, and now I am Jiya the Lightning Dragon. I am an evolving dragon it seems.

...and...

I just learned about Dollkin and have been searching all over trying to find out more about it. I am so interested and drawn to it but I can't find any real info about it. I have so many questions.

flowercrowned-coyote asked: hello I'm a wolf, coyote, and deer therian. my wolf and coyote conflict quite a bit with my deer. when I howl withy the coyotes behind my house I want to join them, but I have the urge to run away. is this possible? is it bad? and what should I do?*************For starters, one’s theriotypes are them so you are a coyote/deer/wolf on a spiritual, brain-related, etc. level (whichever you personally believe). Thus, you don’t have a deer, you are one, so saying “my *insert animal here*” sounds more like you’re talking about an external entity like a totem or similar. Generally, people with multiple kintypes rarely experience them as a mesh like that. Instead, they tend to either experience one at a time or the theriotype they experience is dependent on environment. For example, I rarely experience my shark theriotype on land and rarely experience my lion theriotype in the water.

Identity in general is only “bad” if it interferes with your life in a negative way. So I wouldn’t say it’s bad, but I’m sure it’s odd and frustrating. I’d focus, first and foremost, on figuring out if you truly identify as these animals or if you have a connection to them on another level. Depending what you figure out, I’d focus on compartmentalizing so such a thing is less of an issue.

Anonymous asked: Is there a difference between kintype and thereotype??*************A Theriotype is specifically a nonhuman earthen animal that a Therian identifies as. A kintype is the nonhuman entity that an Otherkin identifies as.

You can have both if you identify as a nonhuman thing and a nonhuman earthen animal.

Lord Byron is considered one of the greatest English poets ever. Normally, words such as "badass"don't belong in the same sentence as "poet" - something Byron was keen to change. Despitehaving a club foot and a crippling eating disorder for virtually his entire life, the poet managed toearn a reputation as an extravagant, melancholic, courageous, unconventional, eccentric,flamboyant and controversial figure. Or to translate: He owned all of the sex.

When not boning his way through the aristocracy, Byron was really into his pets in a way that wasless like a cat lady and more like the Beastmaster. When he went to college, he tried to take his petdog with him. Cambridge Trinity College was having none of it and stuck to their strict "no dogsallowed" policy, seemingly unaware that they were currently talking to Lord Fucking Byron. Afterbeing told no. Byron pleaded with the college to make an exception, but they wouldn't budge.Seeing an opportunity to display the subtle dignity of the poetic soul, Byron went out and purchaseda bear, then brought it to Cambridge.

It didn't take long for college officials to notice the abnormally large portion of the student bodyrunning in the same direction while screaming . "AAAAAHHHHH BEAR!" When they confronted himabout the fact that he was essentially wagging his dick at them in front of everyone, Byron simplyasked them to show him where in the rules it said that he couldn't have a bear. Amazingly, therewasn't a specific rule against it. Even more amazingly, Cambridge apparently operated on sitcomlogic at the time, and officials decided they had no choice but to allow the bear to stay. Presumablythey knew that if they did manage to evict the bear, Byron would have simply arrived to campus thenext day riding a sled pulled by tigers.

Byron lived quite happily with his pet bear, but he wasn't done taking a piss on officials just yet, sohe sent a sarcastic letter to the college suggesting that the bear should apply for a fellowship.Eventually, to everyone's relief, Byron left Cambridge - presumably riding his bear into the sunsetand no doubt leaving a big steaming pile of bear shit in the headmaster's office.

The Queen's Royal Guards are a British institution charged with greeting and playing for foreigndignitaries from around the world. In America, they are mostly known for having made LeslieNielson's eyes cross that one time in Naked Gun. Anytime a notable person of importance visits thecountry, it's a British tradition to have the Royal Band has to play for them, and anyone who saw theridiculous hats on display at the royal wedding should know how they feel about letting traditionsdie. But sometimes the band doesn't want to play, because sometimes the person of notableimportance is a douche bag.The band faced just such a dilemma when Saudi King Abdullah came to Britain. Being sensitive artsymusician types, certain band members didn't agree with the king's tolerance of human rights abusesand his promotion of such delightful books as Women Who Deserve To Go To Hell. But it would bebreaking hundreds of years of tradition to not play for him.

The band finally agreed to go with tradition and play for the king, choosing a song that trulyrepresented how they felt about him: "The Imperial March (aka Darth Vader's theme song).

Of course the Saudi King had no idea what was going on, but everyone else sure did. Imaginehearing the song associated with one of the scariest and most evil fictional men in history, thenwatching this guy stroll by, surrounded by bodyguards and booing protesters.

Lord Byron is considered one of the greatest English poets ever. Normally, words such as "badass"don't belong in the same sentence as "poet" - something Byron was keen to change. ...When he went to college, he tried to take his pet dog with him. Cambridge Trinity College was having none of it and stuck to their strict "no dogs allowed" policy, seemingly unaware that they were currently talking to Lord Fucking Byron.

After being told no. Byron pleaded with the college to make an exception, but they wouldn't budge.Seeing an opportunity to display the subtle dignity of the poetic soul, Byron went out and purchaseda bear, then brought it to Cambridge.

It didn't take long for college officials to notice the abnormally large portion of the student bodyrunning in the same direction while screaming . "AAAAAHHHHH BEAR!" When they confronted himabout the fact that he was essentially wagging his dick at them in front of everyone, Byron simplyasked them to show him where in the rules it said that he couldn't have a bear. Amazingly, therewasn't a specific rule against it. Even more amazingly, Cambridge apparently operated on sitcomlogic at the time, and officials decided they had no choice but to allow the bear to stay. Presumablythey knew that if they did manage to evict the bear, Byron would have simply arrived to campus thenext day riding a sled pulled by tigers.