Green Day Inducted into the Dad Rock Hall of Fame

As fellow Guy, Bryan McBournie, reported a little over a week ago, Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong melted down at the iHeartRadio Music Festival at the MGM Grand Las Vegas. Armstrong objected to the final minute of his set, and whether Green Day’s set was cut short or not, he wanted the audience to know that it was “f%#king bulls*&t” as illustrated by the following:

He’s been around since f%#cking nineteen eighty-f$#king-eight.

He’s not f&@king Justin Bieber, you motherf#@kers.

[You made him do this to his guitar.]

God f%&king loves you all.

He and the rest of Green Day will be back.

Music critics, and children who still give Green Day Kids’ Choice Awards, called it the most punk rock thing ever. But, I’m not so sure. Let’s look at his arguments, because they just cemented themselves in the Dad Rock Hall of Fame.

1. He’s been around since f#@king nineteen eighty-f%&king-eight.

Perhaps the most simple and damning evidence, Green Day has “been around” since 1988. You know what other bands were founded — as Billie’s calendar says — twenty-f%#king-four moutherf*^king years ago?

Of course, Wikipedia says that the group formed in 1987, the same year as:

Ace of Base

Color Me Badd

Digital Underground

Danzig

Kid ‘n Play

Nirvana

Either way, this is the playlist from your parents’ wedding (possibly even played by a cover band).

2. He’s not f^$king Justin Bieber, you motherf@#kers.

You bet your ass Billie Joe Armstrong isn’t Justin Bieber. Or having intercourse with Justin Bieber. That’s the sworn duty of Selena Gomez and a frighteningly large strap-on carved from a Canadian maple tree.

I’ll put it this way: one person threw a fit because he didn’t get as much stage time as Usher. The other just recently sang s#$tty songs and threw up twice in front of teenage girls and their mothers, who still want to f!%k him. (Both wore leather pants.)

Even if Green Day isn’t Dad Rock now (they are), they just lost the punk rock street cred game to Justin Bieber.

3. [You made him do this to his guitar.]

I don’t know about you, but when I think of broken guitars, I think Jimmy Hendrix and The Who.

4. God f*&king loves you all.

Clearly the sign of an aging man who’s trying to make his peace with the almighty, like how Prince and Little Richard became ministers to cover their tiny bisexual asses.

5. He and the rest of Green Day will be back.

Perhaps with a book to sell like this guy from 1988.

But, you don’t have to take Billie’s word for it. Here’s my supporting evidence of Green Day’s Dad Rock status:

8. They have a musical on Broadway.

It’s no Spider-Man, I’ll grant that to U2, Dad Rock’s Ambassadors to Africa. (The previous ambassadors were Toto.)

7. Green Day made a video game.

Green Day partnered up with Rovio to make an episode of Angry Birds Friends. This could be the greatest game since Aerosmith partnered up with Midway to make yet another Operation: Wolf clone called Revolution X.

8. Billie Joe’s name is one letter away from Billy Joel.

And both can keep each other company in rehab.

Ladies and gentlemen, give Green Day a warm welcome into the Dad Rock Hall of Fame. Goodnight, Cleveland!*

*Cleveland is this city in Ohio where bands used to pla … You know what? Ask your dad.