Miranda Kerr Cares Enough To Carry You Through The Hard Times And The Dark Nights

The Miranda Kerr Waistline
Fiasco—in which the Victoria’s Secret model instagramed a photo
misrepresentative of her body’s true dimensions—shouldn’t have
inspired yet another meditation about the prevarications of
Photoshop. We all know about Photoshop—how it’s used and what it’s
capable of. We’ve all got Photoshop’s number. What The Miranda Kerr
Waistline Fiasco should, and with any luck will, turn out to be is
a watershed event about our culture’s new and exciting
interpretation of the word “support.”

To recap: last week, Victoria’s
Secret had a fashion show. Unable to participate, Kerr stealthily
instagrammed a photo of herself from last year’s show and included
the caption: ‘Sending love and best wishes to the #vsangels from
Japan xxx.’ (I would’ve chosen the blunter, “Um, in case you guys
forgot, I’m a Victoria’s Secret Angel too. I’m just not there
tonight, okay?” but she spun it differently and I guess that’s
okay.) Then, a small but vocal faction of her 2.6 million
followers, recalling the original photo from their backlog of (we
might suspect) masturbation inventory, noted that Kerr’s waist
looked suspiciously over-hewn and swiftly supplied evidence to
support that
the photo had been altered.

The typical fury reverberated.
How could a supermodel—a Victoria’s Secret Angel no less—be party
to such inanity? The next day, Kerr retorted. She correctly
‘grammed the original image with the following explanation: “Hi
guys, here is the original VS image! When I re-posted the photo
this week to support the girls I screen grabbed it off the internet
when I was working in Japan. I had no idea it was
photoshopped.”

“To support the girls”?

Throughout the Miranda Kerr Waistline Fiasco, all the expected
points about body image and the evils of fashion were raised and
bandied, but at no point did anyone single out the one rotted
kernel at its withered, dirty cob: the idea that this has anything
to do with support.

Hi guys, here is the original VS image! When I re-posted the
photo this week to support the girls I… http://t.co/ejtqqzKvjk

Support has always been able to waffle between activity and
passivity without much contention from anyone. You can support
civil rights by getting crushed by a tank, or you can support your
favorite team by sitting on your couch and eating potato chips.
Both are accepted usage and I won’t argue with either—even when
“support” comes in the form of a tepid Facebook wall condolence
after a funeral or the wearing of a new shade of ribbon.

But, to my knowledge, the Miranda Kerr Waistline Fiasco marks
the first and most public incident wherein the support itself was
entirely an act of self-promotion.

Let’s imagine the following scenario: It’s moments before the
big Victoria’s Secret fashion show. All the Angels are as nervous
as can be. How are they going to pull this off? Will their wings
stay on? Will they trip and fall? What if no one claps? So many
things are running through their heads. Then, one of the girls
checks her phone. “Look, everyone! It’s here!” she exclaims, and
shows the other angels the photo of Miranda in lingerie. They all
breathe huge sighs of relief. Now everything will be okay! And the
show goes off without a hitch.

Support doesn’t have to be merely passive anymore. It can
actually form the basis for all kinds of new bragging. This new
support is unquestionably better for everyone, but if only had been
invented sooner! Instead of leading the March on Washington, Martin
Luther King could’ve just sent over a picture of himself marching
around his house in a bikini. Instead of invading Normandy, General
Montgomery could’ve just posted a shot of himself from some other
battle. “Good luck, chaps! Miss you xoxo!” There’s no telling how
many horrors could have been avoided, but thanks to Miranda Kerr,
and other tireless self-serving supporters out there, we can start
to turn things around. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go
Snapchat the IRS.