10 Tips for Self Confidence

PublishedApril 27, 2015

Having worked with people for so many years, one thing has become clear: that the majority of people could do with more self-confidence. In a world where people are judged by the labels they wear, the size of their waist, the money they have, the cars they drive, the people they know and how many likes they have for their Facebook posts, we have lost sight of what really matters – who we are on the inside. When we feel good from the inside out, it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. And then something miraculous happens – because you care less you feel better and people like you better because you are being authentic.

And you don’t need to confuse confidence with arrogance. The latter is a belief that you are better than everyone else, an air of superiority. It often masks deep-seated self-esteem issues that they hide behind. Here are my tips for how to have more self-confidence.

Stop playing the comparison game – you are not meant to be like anybody else but yourself. Most people compare their own out-takes with everybody else’s edited highlights anyway so the comparisons are never an accurate one. Nor is it an enjoyable one. Celebrate your differences, they are what make you you.

List your positive qualities. For example, perhaps you have kind eyes, you are helpful, you make a great cup of tea. They don’t have to change the world. List them and, if necessary get the help of people who love you to add to the list. Then look at the list often.

Adopt confident posture – it’s hard to be confident when you are slouched and with your gaze to the floor. So, stand tall and proud – shoulders back, head high, arms resting gently by your side. When you do this you feel stronger right away.

Move outside your comfort zone – no-one ever got more confident by standing in the same spot. They just felt safe. To feel confident you need to do try new things which give you a sense of achievement.

Recognise that perfection is not a human condition but a direction to aim towards. When you make a mistake – which you will – learn from it and move on. You will become stronger and stronger, day by day. As you were designed to do. It helps to develop a sense of humour about mistakes too. Things are rarely as bad as they seem and everyone loves someone who can laugh at themselves light-heartedly.

List all of your achievements – we have all achieved something. Learning to walk and talk is a huge achievement when you think about it. Passing an exam is an achievement. Passing your driving test is an achievement. Look at this list often and realise that the qualities that made these happen are within you – you just need to tap into them more often. Which brings me to the next point.

Don’t indulge in negative self-talk. We all fall in the trap now and again and it is difficult to avoid. But you can just let those thoughts go. They only become a problem if you nurse them and engage in them. Notice them and move on. Check out your positive qualities and achievement lists to remind yourself that you are good enough already. And you like making yourself even better for the sense of achievement it gives you.

Cary Grant talked about pretending to be who you wanted to be until you become that person. There is a fine balance between this and being inauthentic. But if you strike a good balance, it is a great way of rehearsing being your best self.

Practice my 3:1 rule. In any challenging situation, think about three things you did well and one thing you would improve. The ratio is important. It helps you build on what you’re doing well and learn from mistakes. People with low self-esteem can reel off a long list of mistakes and rarely acknowledge anything they did well. But there is always something and this is what builds your confidence.

Last, but by no means least, do a job which plays to your strengths and your interests. If you are not good with detail and like the company of people, being an accounts clerk is going to gnaw away at your self-esteem like a mouse with a slab of cheese. If you enjoy the challenge of making things balance, and like working at something without interruption, it could be perfect for you and will help you blossom.

We were all born confident. Life experience doesn’t have to take it away from you. Use these techniques to build it up again. Of course, sometimes it is easier to work with a professional to help you. If you are interested in this, why not call Tricia Woolfrey on 0845 130 0854 to find out more.

In the meantime, there are plenty of resources within these pages to support you, specifically:

– Relaxed and Confident for the Life you Want CD
– 21 Ways and 21 Days to the Life you Want workbook
– Think Positive and Feel Good workbook
– An Inside Job book