THE Killie boss says people at the club felt guilt at celebrating their League Cup win last season as Liam Kelly's dad had died immediately after the game.

KENNY SHIELS describes himself as a 57-year-old who’s riddled with arthritis and obsessed with success.

He’ll take his medical complaint and his psychological motivation into Kilmarnock’s crucial game with Dundee tomorrow and hope that a top-six place in the SPL will benefit both conditions.

It will also, he’s hoping, allow him a “celebration without guilt” which is not how he
remembers his biggest achievement in two years in charge at Rugby Park.

Shiels
said: “When we beat Celtic in the League Cup Final a year ago it was a celebration with guilt because the father of Liam Kelly died in the immediate aftermath of the game.

“I’m
a volatile and emotional man and if we make the top six ahead of city sides likes Hearts, Hibs and Dundee United that’ll be some achievement to savour.

“Leading my club to something like that is a challenge to me as an individual and I would celebrate accordingly.

“I
was so envious and jealous of St Mirren when they beat Hearts in the League Cup Final last month that it brought tears to my eyes.

“They
celebrated without guilt and on Saturday I want my players to pass the test of their temperament so that we can do the same.

“If they are as good as they can be then they can’t be classified as failures. It’s my job to manage the mentally weak and the mentally strong and make the team dynamic.”

The job Shiels has done since taking over from Mixu Paatelainen has been remarkable, taking Killie from a relegation-threatened club to the brink of the top six.

But his frequent brushes with authority have overshadowed the progress that’s been made.

He added: “I’ve taken on the authorities and been punished for it on occasions.

“But
I only ask that I’m treated the same as everyone else. That’s why I’ll be interested to see what happens to Neil Lennon when his appeal against
a touchline ban is heard next week.

“I’ve been the manager here for nearly two years and there’s only one thing wrong with the job. It’s the games that kill me.

“I’m a high-emotion bloke and pride takes over at times. I have an obsession with being successful and I’m not like other managers in one respect.

“They can have a sense of security based on the fact they’ve had successful playing careers. The sack for them means they can play a little golf.

“I’m
not in a position to do that. I’ll be 57 later this month and I’m riddled with arthritis. I’m not made for life and have to do well. That’s what drives me on.”

Shiels can be more than satisfied
with his accomplishments so far but remains tormented by the pressures of his job. He said: “I take my work home because a manager has a responsibility to question himself.

“Others can hide their emotions but I fall into the Paolo Di Canio category of openly displaying how I feel. That's why I’ll recognise the value of a top-six finish.

“Scottish football is captivating. Damn good. It’s light years ahead of countries like Ireland and Finland –
and they have roughly the same size of population.

“But I see that better than some Scots because I’m not from here.”

Shiels says he’ll be disappointed if tomorrow’s game doesn’t attract a crowd in the region of 8000.

But his take on how attendances at matches have declined are as readily given as his opinion on any other subject.

He
added: “Television has killed the game massively. It has also accommodated football with the fees it pays for coverage of matches. But
not enough to compensate for the loss of people.

“I would take the gamble and do away with live matches and see if that had the effect of making people return
to grounds to watch football.

“Ten years from now you could have no TV sets and people watching football on their iPads.

“I’d rather get back to the day when a fan could relate to his local club and feel an affinity with them. I want Killie to influence the working man in our part of Ayrshire so that our games are his release at the end of a working week.

“I don’t want the game to be lost to people who’d rather play golf because they take their sons and daughters out with them.

“That core of grandfathers, fathers and sons that goes to the football has started to diminish and it’s a cause for concern.”

All
that Kenny can do is provide his public with a brand of football they enjoy and satisfy the support’s level of expectation by putting Kilmarnock into the top six after the split. He said: “We’re on television less than
any other club but we’re one of the most attractive teams to watch.

“When I took over from Mixu, the club had scored four goals away from home over the course of the entire season.

“But then, of course, progress brings with it expectation and that’s something we have to satisfy this weekend at home to Dundee.”