Why try?

Every friend I have ever had has backstabbed me, ditched me, or started making fun of me cause they got popular. I went through all of freshman year with no friends and barely speaking 30 words. Sophomore year rolled around after a summer of sitting in my room all alone. I tried to be energetic and act happy but people just made fun of me for it. Then the lesbian rumor started. and when you're in a christian private school those kind of rumors aren't taken lightly. It got so bad, that girls would rather change out in the gym than in the locker room with me. When I would sit down in the desk next to someone they would scoot over in their chair and not give me the time of day. If someone walked in the class and saw that the only seat left was next to me they wouldn't even try to hide it. They would obviously get pissed that they had to sit next to me, and the whole class would laugh about it. Some times kids would push me into a classroom and put a chair up against the knob so I couldn't get out. One day, my favorite teacher that I would go to if I had an issue with anything came walking by. He looked at me, made eye contact, saw me pounding on the door and yelling.... and kept walking.That is one of those moments in life when you stop hearing sounds, your heartbeat is the only thing you can hear. My depression has gotten so bad that I'm literally thinking up new ways to kill myself every minute. What is the point of fighting so hard for something you don't even get to keep in the end. It doesn't make sense to me. Why do people care so much about this life. We live for a wile, then poof... we are gone. No one will remember us. They say that just to look like a good person. Nothing really matters. At all.

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