4/08/2008

Pull up a chair

I've just taken a very deep breath, smacked my face a few times, and pumped my fists in the air in order to prepare myself for this post. No, I'm not pregnant. Again, some conceptions require sexual activity, and there is hardly any of that funny business going on here. The gates are closed, the key has been swallowed.

Not one to shy away from controversy nor self-indulgent twaddle, I'm just going to come out with it. Have I lost my lustre? In fact, did I ever have lustre? It seems in the past couple of months my comments have plummeted to an extent which makes me wonder if I am past my blogging sell by date. Obviously I do not want to encourage commenting for commenting's sake - I sometimes read blogs which garner dozens of comments, the bulk of which read something along the lines of "Me too!", which, frankly, what's the fucking point? That then leads us to the issue of my apparent irrelevance, in that no one is provoked to comment because they have nothing more to offer than a trite, "Me too!"

I do try to make things at least mildly interesting on here, exercise in failure as that may be. I drastically underestimated the instant narrative that infertility provides. There are always things to talk about when barren - treatments, inconsiderate fertiles, wonky vajays, horny husbands when your sex drive is shit, other peoples' babies, infertility in the media, insane hormonal changes, hot doctors, mean doctors, syringe addiction, the list goes on. Now, I'm a mother and though I could surely blog all P all the time, who wants to read that? I try to maintain some sense of balance, blogging about anything my mind might settle upon, but maybe I'm not choosing my topics properly. That, or I'm choosing them properly and just not writing them well, which is the more likely situation given my slippery turd brain.

I'm not searching for compliments. In a lot of areas of my life I'm far too arrogant for my own good, so ego stroking is far from necessary. In fact, I'm all up for constructive criticism. Seriously, tell me where I'm going wrong. Please feel free to say something anonymously, which, as I have mentioned before, would be entirely anonymous because my fat ass is far too lazy to do any research comparing stats and comment times. The mere thought makes me want to retire to my sofa and eat a vat of swedish fish.

Please realise that I am well aware that the melodrama meter is at about a ten here, and I hate myself for even caring enough to write this post. Seriously, I should get a fucking life, right? I was thinking about this at work today, because who needs to focus on HE targets, admissions stats, and the like when you can agonise over your blog popularity crashing and burning? I think the issue is that I have found such a community through blogging, one which I lack in my real life. I have friends, but to be honest no one I know in my every day life makes me feel as comfortable as I do within bloglandia. It's beyond sad that I find myself relating more to women I've never met, but I have so much more in common with all of you than I ever seem to with "real" women.

It isn't as simple as infertility uniting us all. I read and comment on a fair amount of non-IF blogs, and believe it or not some non-IFers even read this blog. I don't know, through writing at such great length about a variety of topics over a span of time you feel as if you get to know people, even if there isn't that common thread of infertility. I often wish that the people in my real life and blogging life were switched, with the blogging folks becoming "real", and the "real" in my life simply streaming words on a computer screen.

Now that I've outed myself as a complete social outcast who relies solely on internet communication, where do I even go from here? Shall I go stroke some of my fur babies? Write some more NKOTB fanfic? Cry?

So I love you all - a sad proclaimation I've made recently with little reaction, surprise, surprise. Please do let me know what I can do to make you love me again, anonymously or not. Don't turn me into that angry ex-girlfriend again, sneaking into your house at night to gaze maniacally (but with adoration!) at you whilst you sleep. I will totally do it, because remember, no one will ever love you like I do.

33 comments:

Since I have just now found your blog through a post of Mel's, I am going to enjoy reading back to learn more about you, MsPrufrock. Ill be around to send you some love: I know how essential internet communication has become to me, so I greatly appreciate this post. I hope you'll accept a new blog pal.

Dude, I will always love you. You know what keeps me from commenting most of the time (not here, but elsewhere)? Bloglines. I have such a limited amount of time for blogging these days, so bloglines is great for keeping up w/blogs quickly...but that extra amount of effort to make one more click through to comment is just too much. I know. Pathetic.

I love you because you have one of the best senses of musical taste in the entire blogosphere. Now, go download some Sondre Lerche and you will feel....well, I don't know what you'll feel but you will probably like it.

I felt the same way when I first started my new blog (I'd been blogging awhile before) and I'd write something that *I* thought was good and no one would say shit. And then I'd read some drivel on other people's blogs and they'd have like 4,000 comments when they said something totally stupid. Like you, it hurt my feelings.

I think I get so many comments because I religiously read any and all people who comment/read my blog. I told you I was insane, right?

Even if I am a Non-IFer I completely read your posts the second they pop up on my google reader. You're snarky, you're funny and you're witty, and God damnit, I can fucking swear here. Reason enough for you to be my new wife.

I think people are probably just shy when it comes to commenting. You have a link on pretty much everyone's blog I've seen.

I cannot catch the rhyme or reason that comes with commenting. When I get little feedback I wonder if it's because I blogged about XBoy; or pregnancy; or work; or nothing at all....and frankly, I can't figure it out.

I wrote a post recently that after it was up almost all day and the only comment (from Mollywogger of all lovelies), I actually took the post down. I figured that there must have been something so sinister and evil about it that I had let totally go over my head that it was offensive in some way.

I wish I knew where infertility blogs went to morph into something else, but as you and I discussed once, finding a "mommy blogger" who still maintains her popularity after IF is rare unless they were there at the beginning. I have yet to read a "pure" mommy blogging blog that even mentions IF, and I know of two that mentioned a miscarriage and they gave it a one-post mention and then they were done with it. Fine. So the mourning process is different, but is it really THAT different, to the point I cannot relate?

I love your blogging style. It's honest and you blog about something OTHER THAN your cervical mucose, injections, follicle count, etc. I do the same, but for most IF readers, I guess that's not what they are looking for. And how do you capture new readers when one doesn't have a "gimick"?

I try to take comfort in the fact that those who read AND continue to read are the best ones to have around. While I still blush in strange embarrassment when I see another reader has unsubscribed, I try to sooth my ego knowing you or Erin or Josie or Cat or Oro or Helen or ....well, the faithful decide to stay.

I have to admit I've just resubbed to your blog because, well, you had a baby I didn't. And now I do, too, and can read parenting blogs without feeling like crap. (now, you're one of the very few parenting blogs I read, so y'knows you're special and shit)

Besides, you're freakin' hilarious. And having lived in ol' Blighty myself for some time, I feel all sentimental and stuff, or something, before remembering the hell I went through, although it certainly wasn't all hell, there were good parts too, it's just that at this point they're difficult to recall what with the clinic and everything.

Which is my long winded way of saying don't stop writing.

Wow, this sounds less positive and funny whn I read it than when I was writing it...

Ok, so you want to know? I'll tell you, because after doing this for 6 years, I've been around the proverbial block with this thing.

One, is that yeah, you've moved on from infertility, and right there, you're going to lose a lot of your old crew. They're happy for you, but if they haven't moved onto all that is a preshus wittle angel schnookums, they probably have a hard time reading.

Two, get outside of your list of readers and go finding others. Perhaps ones that are either in the same boat you are, with a toddler, or that they also like part time lesbianism, whatever.

Three, blog more than once every six months. Ok, you have been blogging with more regularity, I'll give you that.

Four, comment. You think you're the only arrogant bastard? You get out what you put in. You may have to just whore it up for awhile. I only see you commenting in your "safe zone."

Five, sometimes the most inane and stupid things will get more comments than your serious stuff. Not everyone is going to identify with something that's serious and personal, but if you tell them you were in Target (or maybe the UK equivalent of Target, which what the hell kind of heathen country are you living in that doesn't have Target?!?) and all of a sudden, you got the hot farts and the next thing you know, you have a trail of brown liquid that's "following" you out of your pant leg. Or something. (totally had that happen to me, once, but I was seven, and it was at the playground).

So, yeah, that abut sums it up. I have times where I don't get much in the way of comments, but those are the times I realize that I'm lurking more than commenting.

I SO get this. My commenting rate went way down as well (granted I am on a blog break, so I am not talking about right now). But in general commenting has been down.

I have a theory. You know how video killed the radio star? Well blog readers (like bloglines & google reader) have killed the comments.

I am SO guilty of it as well. I subscribe to WAY to many blogs. I can't possibly comment on all of them, and lately I can barely read them all. (bowels of depression seem to eat up loads of time) But if someone is looking for advice or made me laugh (something I SO need right now) I try to comment like a champ.

It ebbs & flows.

But you, my dear, are like a wonderful dessert that i look forward to. You are my imaginary coffee mate (not to be confused with the nondairy creamer)

xo

p.s. I swear I am not being nice just because I want you to burn me the new james & send it to me...

I try to tell myself that comments or the number of comments don't matter. I think I am lying to myself. Because once you get a lot of comments and then that number drops, it's hard not to wonder what the hell happened. But blogging goes through phases and sometimes people aren't in the commenting mood or they don't know what to say in response to a powerful (or sometimes a fluff) piece.

My non-commenting reason is that pure and simple, I have *way* less time than i used to. I'm in bed by 10pm instead of my previous 12am, and that's basically 14 hours a week of internet time that's down the drain. So I read everytime you post, but commenting takes a lot longer because of course I have to read through everyone else's comments first and then come up with something original... Just not enough time. So my commenting frequency is pretty much in the toilet. Those swedish fish you mention might help drag me back out again though... I *lurve* those!

Or, even better, you could entice me with a bag or two of tomato sauce chips. Damn, do I miss those.

Listen you dirty old curtain twitcher, you get about three times the comments I normally do, so how's that for your ego? Huh? HUH?

Heh, I almost made ego, "eggo". Mmmmn...eggos....

Heck, I've got no suggestions for you. I'm pretty lame myself so you may not want to take pointers from me. But I'm here like a bad penny; you'll never shake me. You were one of my first blog reads after Julie and Tertia and a girl never forgets her third time.

I've slacked so much on posting on my own blog! Honestly, I read so many people that unless I feel I have something relevant to say, I don't have the time to write a note that says "me too!" or "I completely agree!". :) Do you regularly comment on other's blogs? That's the best way I've found to get response. I know I've been bad about replying to comments so instead I just try and comment back on their blog, that way I don't feel guilty. I also think that the IF community that you began blogging with, well, most of them now have kids. And those damn kids, they take so much of our time! I know there are times where I just stop reading someone because I've grown in a different direction or they have and it's not anyone to blame or someone doing something wrong. It just is what it is, you know? I certainly wouldn't take it personally. As you go on through life you're going to find your interests change and then you can seek out other types of blogs that you can connect with. I started exclusively with the IF people and now I'm on to cooking and frugality blogs too. You're into the whole music thing, maybe that's a group you could connect with as well?

I have not figured out the magic formula either. I know I lost a reader due to one of my recent grosser than gross posts, and that gave me a moment of high school hurt, but I got over it.

I wish I had some tips for you (that Statia, she's a wisened old fart, eh?) I also find myself having a harder time commenting due to not reading everyone religiously, then posts stack up and I feel I need a chunk of time just to catch up, and even more time to comment; viscious cycle.

The blogging mojo, she gets lost a lot. It comes and goes. I for one am a suck commenter, because I am not humorous. At all. I can even almost dangerously offend (all hail DD for not taking me at face value once, and Christ knows I owe Statia my soul in apologies. MWAH.) I think what you have to decide is if you write this blog for you, yourself, or if you write it to interact with people. Then go from there.

And maybe we should organize a meet up with some others. You know - Losers With Babes or something like that. Make a transition from inside the PC to outside. Scary shit, really.

Your other fans have already expressed everything I wanted to say, so I'll only add that you are hilarious, and honest, and someone I think I would really connect with IRL. I think every blog's popularity ebbs and flows, and there really isn't any reason you can attribute to it. I think you're as sharp and clever as ever.

Plus, and I realise I am all on my own in Freaking Weird Land here, but I'd be happy to hear more about P, if you'd like to talk about her more. I mean, how much you blog about your own precious spawn is your totally personal decision, obviously. But I, being a weird childless infertile, am, at this point in time at least, very interested in Parenting Beyond The Void. I mean - it can't be like 'normal' parenting, where people seem to feel free to whinge and bitch and moan and blow baby-dust around and diss their childless acquaintance, can it? It must be a strange, loaded experience - you HAVE the Holy Grail, now what in fuck do you do with it? And I know most infertiles find it too, well, you know, to read about, but I have noticed a tendency among some infertility bloggers to assume having a baby is all star-dust and snuggles and it pisses me off. I have enough small relations to know this is nonsense, and parenting is hard and probably even harder once a person has been through so much to get there. And as parenting is the end-goal of all this CRAP we're going through, I want to see what the parenting is like. Not that this will stop me doing envious sobbing on occasion, but envious sobbing is character building, like cold showers and cod liver oil.

Go on, tell me I'm a freak. I don't mind.

Where was I?

Errm.

Anyway. I don't respond much to the music posts because frankly I feel like the four-eyed geek in stupid socks I was at school, who liked jazz, Lucio Dalla and Bob Dylan and hadn't even HEARD of Spandau Ballet. I hide in corners lest people notice my violent uncoolness. (But then, Dylan got a Pulitzer just this week, so hah! she digressed).

Ah, Pru, I will always read, but may not always have time to comment. As another commenter said, it's Bloglines' fault. It allows me to read at ease and sometimes there's just not enough time to leave a comment.

Gulity of not always commenting, though I'm making a real effort to be better. And ditto everything Statia said. My comments (and even worse, my traffic) has been waaay down lately, so I feel your pain here.

Well, my dirty curtain twitcher, I actually think I've gotten better with commenting here since I got Google Reader. Think of how many years I've read you and you never even knew. But GR has made it much easier for me to click over.

Honestly, I think you often have some of the most interesting posts on the Internet.

I have to ask - why do you blog at all? If you are blogging just to get hits and comments and stuff, that's one thing. Not entirely noble, but hey - everyone needs a hobby.

If you're blogging because you have something to say and you have to put it ...somewhere... then that's great, too. Every time you talk about not getting a whole lot of comments I laugh a little and roll my eyes a little because NOBODY ever comments on my blog.

(I um, haven't posted much lately, nor has any of it been coherent or interesting, but still).

My point is, Who Cares? Say what you want, even if you feel like you're shouting in an empty room. As long as what you're saying is honest and true, you're golden. Everyone else can get bent.

i found your blog from your comment at jen's. which i suppose goes to show that commenting is where it is at! and the person before me wrote a book! i only get a few comments but each one is gold dust, even if it is 'me too!'