Friday, September 28, 2012

Hey big spender, spend some dough at table 3. So much classic rainful for sale, you can't get this too many spots. Wah-pedals for half-off. This guy's son keeps a secret movie in the same trucks that they used to do that class assembly that they had out in the truck, and like, hoots the owl and there as some cat or something who they would only show with the lights off and the music got loud.

Just about ready to start gettin' pumped for some Mack an Chaayz. This portion of top 884 songs of 1996 was compiled and submitted by "the man and his boy." All da rest is straight up hype.

#153 Heltah Skeltah “Leflaur Leflah Eshkoshka”

yesh yesh y'all. this one is confusing because the Youtube calls the group "Fab 5" but elsewhere they're called "Heltah Skeltah."

#152 Destroy 2 (Eye and Chu) "24H?"

This video links to the entire album... Recorded live, Eye kicks things off announcing "WE PLAY FORTY-EIGHT SONGS," and then that's what they do within the next 10 minutes. We Are Voice And Rhythm Only is sung by Eye from Boredoms and featuring drums from Chu. Eye screams "FUCKOFF" at the end of all 48 songs. "24H?" just happens to be the longest at 39 seconds, although our favorite part is probably the sequence between tracks 18, 19 and 20: "Sky," "Sea" and "Earth" respectively.

#151 Fu Manchu “Solid Hex”

how sold is it? speed racer ass race is about to ascend past like 4 stratospheres.

#150 LL Cool J "Doin' It"

The "LL" stands for "Licks Lips." We tried to find a still or video but nothing works as well as "Doin' It." He has a lot of female callers in the video all the same voice.

#149 No Doubt "Don't Speak"

Who is the real No Doubt in this video? You n meee we usta bee togehhh-thu

#148 Chavez "Tight Around the Jaws"

"You can trouble me for a glass of shut the hell up." - Chavez, 1996

#147 Carnun "The Prophecies Of The Horned One"

"Watch out Itchy! He's Irish!" - Carnun

#146 The Fugees "Killing Me Softly"

This was the big cover. allthe kids in high school were way into singing along to this. symphonic band director was all like "she's sounds just like roberta flack. they destroyed a great song." HELL FUKCIN YEAH THEY DID. Also in the video possibly a part where someone does the trick where he opened the bottom of the popcorn so that Mister Kinnish can fit through much to the enjoyment of his ladyfriends.

"This is more than spring break... this is our chance to see something different."

The fans of these chicks apparently don't want to see them in anything different, other than the Disney Channel shit-coms from which they originated. NC-17 is not porn. Grow up, kids: They're just actors, working and gettin' paid... And they're probably a lot smarter than their fans. We barely know anything about Selena Gomez or ... who is this other chick? Vanessa Hudgens? Someone from High School Musical... But anyone in Hollywood willing to work with Harmony Korine probably has at least half-a-brain, and so we say "good for them." We'll give anything from Harmony a shot, even though Trash Humpers was probably the worst movie we've ever seen... Most of his movies don't get distributed all that well, but we're hopeful that name-recognition will help to get Spring Breakers in ordinary-ass AMC theaters by the end of the year. This is good news.

ANOTHER EDIT: The Guardian UK has reviewed an early screening, which includes the following excerpt:
Full credit to Korine, who sustains this act of creative vandalism right through to the finish. Spring Breakers unfolds as a fever dream of teenage kicks, a high-concept heist movie with mescal in the fuel tank. The director monkeys with the plot and kicks away the signposts. He loops the dialogue and drags a dilated, ecstatic camera-lens across honeyed flesh and painted nails. The result is his most fully realised, purely satisfying feature film since Gummo, his outrageous directing debut, way back in 1997.http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/sep/05/spring-breakers-review

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Taking a quick break from actual work before this thought escapes me... I suddenly had an intense flashing recollection of all this stuff within the space of about 2 minutes... And just now realizing that this experiment probably concluded about 10 years ago.

The initiation and evolution of this experiment would probably be best explained through a quick timeline of events:

October 2001: "My Sacrifice" debuts on radio and MTV 10/15/01, according to Wikicreedia. Creed was ubiquitous at this point, and "My Sacrifice" was the lead single following a huge blockbuster album. (Human Clay is apparently the 8th biggest album of the past 20 years, released during the era when CD's from N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, Eminem, Britney Spears or Limp Bizkit commonly went platinum in less than a week.)

Mid-November 2001: People were talking about this song, although I still hadn't heard it. My friends were mostly into emo or indie. My sister was into dancey stuff and rap... I didn't know anyone in real life who took Creed seriously, and I considered the ubiquity of their biggest songs to be torturous, seemingly following me wherever I traveled, regardless as to whether I actually wanted to hear these songs or not.

However, "My Sacrifice" was an interesting case... It occurred to me I had seen the video on MTV many times with the sound off (because I got into the habit of leaving on MTV2 and turning down the volume while reading), but I hadn't actually heard it. Considering the odds against receiving any sincere enjoyment from the new Creed single, I decided that I didn't want to hear it, while recognizing its ubiquity, probably rendering complete evasion as somewhat difficult. Regardless, I made a decision, and I was gonna stick to it.

Early-December 2001: Things got off to a decent start. As long as I continued attending class and being a loser as usual, I had no real opportunity to bump into this monster. If it started getting played on the radio, I would quickly change the station in a panic, and then a moment later, everything would be ok. One of my friends in Hoveral warned me that it was an earworm. If it got caught, it was gonna stick.

Early-January 2002: Whatever the first Sunday of 2002 was... Laying on a couch, on the verge of dozing during Adult Swim, when suddenly they played the WWE commercial which "My Sacrifice" was licensed to appear. After about 4 seconds, I sprung up and yelled "NOOOOOOO!" grabbed a couch cushion and pressed it onto my ear as hard as I could. I instinctively hummed "Everlong" by Foo Fighters to try drowning it out completely.

25 seconds later, the commercial had ended, but the damage had been done. It wasn't like hearing the first 4 seconds of the intro on the radio... The start of the commercial jumps right into the chorus... "I am something.. i am FREEEEE.." That's the only part I could remember, but still... I wanted to remain ignorant. You can't unlearn something once it's there.

Mid-January 2002: I went to a bar with 2 friends. I didn't realize it was playing, but one of my friends was like "this is it Mike," because they knew I was trying to avoid it, so I did my best to inconspicuously put my hands over my ears and hum "Everlong" to myself without anyone noticing.

February 2002: By this point, it wasn't only getting played on K-Rock... Top 40 stations had picked it up, and to make matters worse, they shortened the song to have a different introduction. This was getting tough.

This may have been around the time radio started spinning that other Creed song that's like "hold me down, cos I'm six feet from the beer and I'm thinkin maybe six feet aint so far down." I didn't want to accidentally hear "My Sacrifice" while thinking that it was this song, so I decided to avoid both.

March 2002: My sister thought it would be funny to sing the chorus into my answering machine just to piss me off, so when I checked my messages, there it was. Now thanks to her, the entire chorus was brainlodged. "when youre with me, i am freeee, i am hairless, i belieeevve..." There's probably more to the chorus after this part.

April 2002: Another friend sang the song into my answering machine... However, it was more drunken and not as decipherable as my sister's message. I was not amused.

June 2002: My first summer working at the carnival... The mullet guy who ran one of the rides got to choose the music to play throughout the entire area through a loud PA system. And he often selected the types of classic rock stations that rotated horrible new-rock singles such as "My Sacrifice" or like 3 Doors Down or whatever. I yelled "CHANGE THE STATION" from the top of the slide several times with my hands pressed into my ears. The request was not granted.

August 2002: It played again while I was operating one of the little kid rides... This was NOT easy, but I managed to hum "Everlong" to myself loud enough with one hand over one of my ears to mostly avoid the song's main hooks.

December 2002: Creed-mania continues... There were 3 other singles from this album. I think one of them had a video where they were CGI cartoons. A 4th or 5th single was released that a friend asked me to listen to, and so I obliged cos I was told it was funny: "Children, don't stop dancing, believe you can fliiieiii, awayy, awayyyyy." All of their songs are funny when you can hear them on your own terms.

Someone sang "My Sacrifice" at karaoke. I saw the song's title on the TV screen before it started up.. I quickly left the bar and took a 5 minute walk.

By the time 2003 was over and done with, a friend made me watch the other video with the sound turned on... "six feet from the reer" .. I forget what it's called. I think he was possibly annoyed with my experiment and wanted me to enjoy it as a joke.

When we did the first Lowt Ide album, we recorded a "reer" song and I was asked to play guitar on it... I found out months later that it was a cover of "My Sacrifice," which was titled "My Sack." So I ended up becoming familiar with the verse hook, as sung by Lowt Ide. "Drinkin beer is not quite clear / drinkin beer is not quite clear / when you're passed out on the stage."

In conclusion, yes I succeeded in avoiding "My Sacrifice," but I looked like an idiot in the process, because I was mostly trying to avoid it in public. I ended up becoming familiar with at least 2 of the song's hooks... My perception is that Lowt Ide's hook is the verse, and the chorus is what my sister sang on my answering machine. I recall asking friends, "does he actually sing the words "my sacrifice" in the song?" and they responded, "yeah he sings it like 50 times." So I'm assuming there's some sort of outro where he sings this phrase over and over again. And I clearly have vivid memories of several instances of almost-hearing this song, which is the exact opposite of what I was hoping to achieve through evasion.

So ultimately, I've been defeated by Creed, instead of being de-Creed'd.

Tonight we'll be taking a look into mothers and their daughters.. *long pause* oh come on now people. Let's get our minds out of the gutter. Can we be adults here please? My first guest tonight is a daughter thinks her mother is restraining her. I'd sure let her put some restraint on me.

Don't pay attention to the next section.

#171 Garbage "Stupid Girl"

#171 The Cardigans "Losers"

This is the first tie because they are kind of the same song and also we forgot #185.
This song foreshadows Gran Turismo the Cardigans next album after this one.

#170 Aphex Twin “Milkman”

Aphex exudes disingenuous attitude. When the milkman delivers the milk in the mornning but also the milkman's wife's giant tata's, which are sung in a manner that expresses preoccupation with something other than milk delivery itself. Richard just wants dem nice tata cans.

#169 Ginuwine "When Doves Cry"

"What do you say we cut the chit-chat a-hole?" - Ginuwine, 1996. PRINCE cover made it to the list.

#168 The Wesley Willis Fiasco "Jesus Is The Answer"

This is the most Rock & Roll song of the entire year. That man can sing great. That was the tone of his voice.

#167 Sleater-Kinney “I Wanna Be Your joey Ramone”

"I heard of dreadlocks, but shitlocks? That ain’t no hair man, take that pile of shit off yo head." - Sleater-Kinney, 1996

#166 Spice Girls "Say You'll Be There"

They invented the "staring into the camera individually" thing. They invented the "one bad singer who has to sing because she's under contract and must sing at least one line." They invited the "strong female = loud obnoxious female" thing. Paradoxical elements... there's some really weak spots, but some really ok spots that aren't hugely offensive. Fuck this song is boring. Sorry.

$165 They Might Be Giants "XTC Vs. Adam ANT"

Even the guys from Sha-na-na can't make up their mind on this one

#164 Rammstein “Das Alte Leid”

these guys REALLY love white people

#163 Nas "Take It In Blood"

This is what them feelins sound like.

#162 Sloan “Everything You’ve done Wrong”

Would you either "Lick the cow's ass" OR "Make out with your mom?" Those are some tough choices.

#161 Tupac Shakur "California Love"

This video was a big jump for Tupac. As soon as he steps on the scene wearing them chucks other proof no slow jam.

#160 RL Burnside “Goin’ Down South”

#159 The Cure “Mint Car”

Bob Smith hates "Friday I'm In Love" so much that he wrote and recorded a sequel. Fans aren't really into this one, although how could anyone dislike the nonsense at 1:45: "Ohhh Sumdi kumja hozinawum." Little known fact: Singing along with nonsense can actually earn bonus points.

#158 Dr. Octagon “Girl Let Me touch You there”

lemme take a look

#157 Sublime "Same In The End"

Kentucky Fried Chicken is all i see.

#156 Pavement "Painted Soldiers

Fuck you malkmus I helped out my frinds and gave them cut up chunks of my prescription medication. What the fuck did you ever di????

Sunday, September 23, 2012

The more we indulge into what was happening during the 7th full year of the 90's, the more we realize that people who get down on 1996 were probably only listening Top 40 stations. For those not in the know, which is pretty much everyone, since no one gives a fuck, 1996 is one of those years of pop music where people are like "this is the worst year of music that's ever happened," and these people can seriously eat shit.

So we'll just continue posting songs until we completely fall asleep and see how far we get...

#194 The Lemonheads "If I Could Talk"

wtf that's def Murph on the drums?! maybe not, but he's playing exactly like Murph and looks just like Murph so wtf. oh word, there's a closeup in one part and it's possibly not Murph. thats fucked up.

#193 Stone Temple Pilots "Tumble In The Rough"

This was the tour that was controversial because Weiland kept getting arrested or strung out, and they had to keep cancelling shows n stuff. Also people who are dumb usually don't like this album, and the same people usually also promote school prayer and molest babies.

#192 Nada Surf "Stalemate"

the guy who played the giant in Happy Gilmour is still alive. we like when he says "I BELIEVE THAT'S MISTER GILMOUR's."

#191 The Cardigans "Been It"

Damn, these guys have some NUTTY videos. My wife Nina is in this band... Also the bass player is among the very finest out of the "super tall bass dude" club.

Friday, September 21, 2012

If we were told ahead of time that Sifl & Olly were incorporating CGI into their new episodes, we might not have been interested in watching... But don't let that stop you or anyone. They're bringing back all the classics. We wanna wait a few more weeks before straight-up announcing "this is awesome," but in the meantime Episode Two is here to save us from monotony.

Would it be out of the question to suggest this show initiated the "chroma key as comedy" device later perfected by Tim & Eric?

This other video has nothing to do with Sifl & Olly... There's a reward for listening through this entire song.

This fuckin thing from over the summer... We saw some friends post this on facebook.

These songs have almost nothing to do with each other. Who the fuck would hear "Run The World (Girls)" for the first or second or twentieth time and think to themselves, "now here's a song that's just BEGGING to be compared to Bohemian Rhapsody." "Run The World" didn't even chart that well and isn't nearly as famous as "Bohemian Rhapsody." It seems like an unfair comparison that someone threw together just to troll the frustrated 70's rock fans of Facebook and see how far they could carry a bullshit meme.

Beyonce and Freddie Mercury are both very famous names that generate millions of dollars year after year. This is essentially the base of their similarities, thus making them easy targets for the "popist vs rockist" debate. The image seems to side with the rockists, although it's debatable whether the responsible party truly believes what they're preaching deep down.

"Run The World" isn't exactly bland and simple. It's not the greatest song we've ever heard or anything, but it's adequately structured, with a steady enough progression of ideas and fragments that it actually sounds to us like an equal amount of thought and effort went into BOTH songs.

"Run The World" sounds like it had 6 writers and 4 producers. It's not a surprise to learn this. Yes, it's overproduced, but that's part of what makes it a good song. It takes serious-ass skill to throw together this type of production. In some settings, it can actually be more difficult to write and produce collaboratively.

Despite its complexities, it's similarly unsurprising that Freddie Mercury was the lone songwriter of "Bohemian Rhapsody," in which he plays a character experiencing a flamboyantly wine-drenched and non-linear journey through the process of suicide, with all its glorious darkness and fabulous insanity intact. And the music carefully matches these extremities. While not intended by Queen as kid stuff, kids REALLY love to sing along to it 30+ years on, because it's also fun and kinda wacky sounding. But it's also a rarity in that it's probably the most famous pop song that goes on for six minutes while hardly repeating itself. We could go on and on about how great this song is... Freddie was obviously gifted, etc, etc...

But the point is that it's unfair to judge the music of MOST songs against "Bohemian Rhapsody." "Run The World" is hardly a prime example of a pop song that deserved this. And despite what 70's rock fans might think about it, gloss and shimmer can still reveal depth.

Plus, removing half of the lyrics from both songs and placing them side-by-side is hardly a strong argument.

Not sure why we're still going on about this... Nothing really matters.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Oh thank heaven something has arrived to put a halt to the tedious and drunken late-night 1996 countdown.

Lil B is more based and rare than ever in his new video for "California Boy," among his first forays into "rock" and already superior to pretty much every one of Lil Wayne's attempts at guitar-based hard-rock. Lil B took the soft-poppy-indie approach instead. Good move, based god.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

All of us are OCD. We didn't realize that by starting an arbitrary list of songs released in 1996 (during amnesia) and then (drunkenly) continuing this list one night later that we'd be triggering a psychological compulsion.

The moral of the story is that this must get finished. Like, now. (Within a week or so.) That sucks.

On the bright side, literally no one reads this shit.

#201 Spoon "All The Negatives Have Been Destroyed"

"Show me the money"

#200 MC Lyte "Cold Rock A Party"

Anytime we get unexpectedly invited to a party, we throw on this record and pump up the volumes to super-loud in celebration of our newfound social acceptance.

#199 Pearl Jam "Mankind"

Ed Vedder doesn't sing this one. It's fun for jumping around at parties, which actually happened to this song one time during high school.

#198 Polvo "Feather Of Forgiveness"

"Show me the money" - Polvo, 1996

#197 112 "Only You"

There's no room yet for the huge bangers, but these mini-dents will fit in these high placements just nicely. My poor cousin just told me all of this OUTSIDE the building.

#196 Rage Against The Machine "People Of The Sun"

You're history. Not sure why people get so down on Rage for simply making an effort to present facts and information to the public. With no bias whatsoever. None.

#195 Color Me Badd "The Earth The Sun The rain"

Somehow these guys had hits 5 years after "I Wanna Sex You Up." This was played on the radio but no one cared. God this song is awful. We are so sorry.

Friday, September 14, 2012

INTRO: 1996 was quite a time. Fuckin douchebags throwin around devil-sticks and t-shirts that say "NO FEAR" it was not cool. Don't let anyone try to tell you it was cool because it ate the pile of shit. Fuck this fucking year.

This week we're up to #233...

#233: Pist-On "Grey Flap"

"Thank you for being so bold!" And then the girl enters the shot lookin' sad and super fucking 90s. Peter Steele did a better job but that's ok.

#232: R.Kelly "Down Low"

I think this one might actually suck. R Kelly fucked up and The Isley Brother kicks his ass and he's like "Father forgive me."

#231: Local H "Fritz's Corner"

Joe D murdering the kit

#230: Ghostface Killah "Daytona 500"

Speedy racer got all the workd done for these guys. Straight up hype

#229: Akinyele "Put In In My Mouth"

fuck theres no fucking video for this

#228: Toni Braxton "Youre Making Me High"

The 90's had a lot of videos where girls are sitting in a room and talking about really annoying loud bullshit. This video responds excellently by cutting out the audio of that convversatino.

#227: Death Lurks "Some Days It's Dark

The 90s had a lot of scenes from movies where they would put kids in the middle of an alt-rock or metal concert like The Bosstones in Clueless or Sugar Ray in that fucking Chevy Chase movie Fathers Day or some shit, and of course Cannibal Corpse in Ace Ventura and the Death Lurks scene is not relaly anything like any of these.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I don't like anything about Drake. I don't like his fucking voice. I don't like the shit he talks about. I don't like his face. I don't like the way he walks. Nothing. I don't like his haircut. Let me shut up. Imma stop right there. - http://www.youtube.com/embed/HJsgAY_JALk

It's kinda the same all the time to me personally. It's an annoying sound... I'm kinda feelin' some kinda a way about the fact that you been commissioned, that you been blessed, you've been given the opportunity to do the Aaliyah album yet you don't include anybody that she worked with personally...

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Olly's voice sounds different, but whatever.. so did Beavis's when they returned last year, so probably no one will care..

Based on the promo, the shows appear to revolve around a more structured format, similar to MTV's 2nd and 3rd seasons, and less (seemingly) entirely based around improvisation like S&O's first MTV season... But who cares! They're back!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Monday, September 3, 2012

Not joking at all... This is the one deathmetal song we've ever heard to perfectly align all of the genre's best elements... The absurdity, groove, heaviness, weirdness, darkness... And it had to be a Cannibal Corpse song with George Corpsegrinder on lead vox, because we often doubted Chris Barnes' sincerity.

We think George actually means it. And plus, he wears his own band's shirt in the video...

Speaking of which, metal curiously seems to be the one genre of music where a lead singer can be switched and no one seems to notice or care...

what's it?

TASTE MY KIDS compiles recommendations for a happier and healthier existence, most often in the form of "best-of" lists, youtube posts, album or movie reviews, and various scribblings. We lived on Geocities starting in August 2000. In January 2009, times got tough and posts were on hiatus until a new host could be located. Geocities eventually died anyway, and now we live on blogspot. True story.