Sunday, December 28, 2008

Happy TUESDAY! has come to my attention that lately my posts are beginning to sound like Edgar Allan Poe instead of Mimi Pencil Skirt. While I do occasionally wax serious (it's been know to happen) I'll do my best to channel Scarlett O'Hara more often than Hawthorne's "Scarlet Letter" in the coming year.I'm feeling the sillies today....watch out.

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions but if I did, this is what I would cross-my-fingers resolve.

1. Get more S.L.E.E.P.Do you see this bed?It calls me to me.I need to listen.

2. Be nicer to Homer.Really. What did he ever do to me?

3. Pardon all the bloggers in the dungeon who never finished their memes and give them a fresh start for the New Year.But here's the skeery photo one more time for Travis.

4. Learn to date men who wear flannel.

I should really get over it. But really. I'm so nit picky about well-dressed men and first impressions. The only experience I've had with the odious flannel wear was one silly date a while back. Just because he was milk-toast boring and wore milk-toast brown flannel checks on our milk-toast first date doesn't mean the rest of the male population is flannel too. Does it?

5. Buy a battery for the remote control. There is no man here. Can you tell?

6. Stop changing my shoes at red lights and throwing them in the backseat.

Yes, I really do that.And I wonder why I can't find my shoes in the mornings.

8. Go to the BEACH.As God as my witness (channeling Scarlett O'Hara voice) I will go to the beach this summer.I will squish my toes in the sand (are you listening, Songbird?) and build a Queen's castle,chase seagulls, make love to the sound of the surf (#9 better be Find a Boyfriend) and sit staring at the vast gorgeous water of blueknown as sea - which I haven't "seeeeenn" in many a moon.I literally crave it. I smell it from here. It's like smelling snow....but better.

9. Get a peace globe to the White House.You think I'm kidding?I almost made it once. See?

10. Spruce up my smile a bit and be done with the dentist. It's so undignified for a Queen. They've learned to order chocolate truffles and a string quartet while I'm in the chair. Conscious sedation is my friend. Except for theawesome incredible give-me-some-moremedically necessary nitrous oxide gas (and the conscious sedation drugs) I hate the dentist even more than flannel.
And he hates me.

Poor Hubby & I had a goal (it'll have to wait 'til next year) to go on a cruise. My main reason: a "real" beach. I've been to a rocky, cold beach in OR. It didn't impress me. I want to go to a beach where the water looks inviting & there's sand instead of rock. Just once. So when you make it to the beach, spare a moment to see it for the 1st time for me. :)My goal for this year: not to use any sick time or get in any accidents. Just one year w/out those would be SO nice!

Songbird - The beach is only 4 hours from me. Last beach I saw was a New England beach with rocks and cold wind and New York shore in the distance. Lovely, but not the same as hot sand between my toes.

WillThink - I really love heels but I seriously have to change in midstream sometime....going walking....or to work...or to the mall (have to have better shoes for that shopping thing) and then maybe I'm going to a meeting and have to change back to heels. My backseat is sometimes littered with clothes and shoes. It's a curse!

I have the perfect solution to take care of two of your resolutions all at once. Date a nudist and then you don't have to worry about flannel shirts! Plus, if you date a nudist, the chances are pretty good he'll take you to a beach this summer. See? Two resolutions addressed with a minimal amount of fuss!

#3: Y'know, I keep hearing about this dungeon, but I haven't gotten a good look at it yet. Y'know, there are dungeons, and there are dungeons...

#4: I'd say flannel isn't the end of the world - IF he's not wearing it on the first date... Seriously, show some class, guys!

#5: I have plenty of batteries - and I'm a man! ;-)

#6: How do you find it easier to change shoes (and clothes!) while driving, rather than waiting until you arrive? And what route do you take, so I can get a good look? (insert wicked grin here)

#7: Everyone should take more bubble baths. My "close second" to that is a sea salt scrub at the spa. (Yup, I'm vaguely metrosexual!)

#8: You need to be specific on that one. There are beaches less than a half-hour from my home, but there isn't one beach in a twenty-mile radius that isn't polluted to some level. The oil slick on the water and the foul smell are usually dead giveaways.

Personally, I could go for Fort Lauderdale or Naples, depending on whether I want to swim in an ocean or a gulf (gulf waves are much calmer). Key West is nice, but no one goes there for the beaches - I've yet to swim on one there.

#8a/almost #9: Finding a boyfriend... Hmmm.... ;-)

#9: I'd wait for the current occupant to leave the White House first - he'd probably either fill it with cheap beer or use it as part of an improvised bong...

#10: Perhaps you need someone to hold your hand? (Where do I apply for the job?)

#11: I'm down with all of those. Except perhaps "sing louder". There are things crawling around in swamps that have a better singing voice than I do. Back when I was still a drinker, I would indeed have to be drunk to do karaoke - BAD karaoke... Seriously, I'd be sparing everyone's eardrums if I stayed away from the mic when the music starts playing - fortunately I have no qualms about getting to the dance floor instead...

Don - Your singing can't be that bad. Can it?Flannel is now my new favorite word. Beaches are beaches are beaches (except rocky ones)....white sand would be heavenly. I'll keep that in mind. It's supposed to be 23 degrees here overnight.

Akelamalu - We all have that one at one time or another. I power walk an hour everyday but I think I need to add my TaeBo back to the equation for awhile. It's great strength training and seriously kicks my prissy behind.

Mimi, I can't sing in a decent pitch to save my life. I'm flatter than the Bonneville Salt Flats! I'm so flat, a local airport has optioned me to be their new runway! Imagine Robocop as a lounge singer, and you're getting warm. When I sing, I actually make too much gravel in a rotating cement mixer sound good!

I'm so flat I'm dangerously close to concave! If my singing voice had a bra cup size, it would be "pancake". Echo chambers plead for merciful silence when I start to sing nearby! I've been known to confuse airplane radar with my singing voice! It's so flat, it would fit between a pair of twenties in a bank-wrapped bundle - with room to spare! Completely and utterly two-dimensional...

(But then again, when people ask me, "What's up?," I've been known to answer, "A relative vector one-hundred-eighty degrees away from the pull of gravity in all directions, or, lacking gravity, an arbitrarily chosen and agreed-upon vector...")