Oh my god, this is a damn accurate representation of what my senior year ('97) parking lot looked like. But we also had a fair amount of Jeep Wranglers. Because, Colorado. I rocked a 1974 VW Beetle. Black. I wish I still had that car.

I grew up in the Denver area which is serviced by LBB and spent many years selling Tagalongs, Do-si-dos, Trefoils, and the disgusting Samoas. I was quite confused when I moved to Boston ten years ago and asked for a box of Tagalongs only to get confused looks from the girls. ABC is the worst.

My gift giving problems for 2014 have officially been solved! Everyone I know/love is getting this!

Every time I run into a stain/mess problem I google "whateverickyproblemitis" + jolie. I'm always amazed that 99% of the time my seemingly hopeless problem has been addressed. Although I'm still trying to remove a horrible, horrible ink stain from a stupid anthropologie purse. I fear it is lost. But maybe I need to check out K2R....

These are a level of hideous that if I were an Olympian this year, I'd contemplate my attendance at the festivities requiring me to wear this monstrosity.

And while the design is hideous, the real problem is that someone looked at this and said, "YES! Let's do this!" Or maybe that person is secretly awesome and wants to display how tacky and gross Americans can be sometimes. USA! USA!

I'm constantly amazed that I'm about to turn 35. Amazed. And horrified. But when I go through the check list it appears I might be an adult. Although I have a visceral reaction to using the word "woman" when describing myself. I'm not entirely sure what that means about myself.

I think I became a full-fledged adult after my divorce. Because, one, divorced. And then the rest of it: sole owner of home; sole owner of car; sole owner of three animals that I must take care of or they will die; sole owner of spreadsheet to track all my expenses so I can be financially independent; sole owner of law degree allowing me to be a fancy ass lawyer.

On the other hand: I have an inordinate amount of sparkly shoes; I own a skirt with cat heads depicted on them; my boyfriend gave me tickets to Beyonce this week and I squealed like a little girl; I'm still occasionally afraid to go down into the basement by myself; and I engage in internet speak on the regular. For realz. Adulthood: it's fucking complicated.

I don't think I became a grown-ass woman until I went through my divorce. It was an awakening. And I like to think I handled it similarly to Alicia- I threw myself into my job and took many lovers. It was fabulous. However, even though I'm in my mid-30s I still relate to Hannah. Partly because I spent all of my 20s with my ex-husband. I was old before my time. So I did in my early 30s what most girls do in their 20s- but I did it with the worldly experience of having been married and divorced.