Tuesday, February 12, 2013

20 weeks

How Far Along: 20 weeks today. E2 is the size
of a banana, approximately 10.5 oz in weight and 6.5 inches crown to rump (10 inches crown to heel). I know that I have something that large and alive in my belly, and sometimes I feel like I do, but really, it's so surreal to think baby is that big now.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: As of yesterday (19w6d), I was up 9 lbs total.

Maternity Clothes: Yep.

Movement: Daily. I saw my belly move for the first time on Saturday night. So cool!

Sleep: Not well lately. I've been waking up with pain in one rib, my sternum and my right hip. The frequent bathroom trips and a cat who will not leave me alone (and bites my hands when I try to push him out of my face, since he's sleeping between Paul's and my pillows) are not helping one bit.

Gender: Two more days... :)

Symptoms: This stupid nausea. Seriously. I haven't thrown up yet this week, but I did last week, and have felt pretty queasy the last two days. Other than that, aches and pains, fatigue, sleeping poorly, crappy skin, a little harder to get up from a sitting (or lying down) position, constipation (and it's evil, evil kin that starts with an "H"...I won't get into that, but I'm not happy about it).

Cravings: None. Food has been somewhat unappealing as of late.

Belly Button In or Out: Still in, shallower yet, and a bit painful today.

Freak-out of the Week: Nothing in particular, although I've been hyper-cautious because I know Dr. M. is not working this week. Every new ache or pain (especially uterine) gives me a momentary panic, but I've been good about evaluating duration and severity and talking myself down. I did have many Braxton Hicks on Sunday, which wasn't cool at all. I've noticed that if I delay peeing at all (like when I'm in the middle of something), I'll get a BH contraction. So not cool!

Looking Forward To: Seeing our baby for a good solid hour (or more!) at the anatomy scan on Thursday, checking in with Dr. C., my MFM (also on Thursday), and announcing our pregnancy publicly so I can get that off my chest.

NextAppointment: This Thursday, February 14th.

Miscellaneous: While Paul and I both agree that we won't really feel any sense of relief until the 28th week rolls around, we have acknowledged how good it'll be to hit 24 weeks - just 4 weeks away - because at least then, if something happens, the medical professionals will actively do something to save our baby. The odds kind of suck for babies born that early (50-60% viability), but it would still beat the hell out of hearing, "Sorry, there's nothing we can do." Also, and this is my thing, not Paul's, but having born the brunt of insensitive comments over the past 18 months that I "only had a miscarriage" (and don't even get me fucking started on that), there's something to be said about the validity of having a baby in my belly who would be considered a stillbirth (and therefore more important/legitimate in some peoples' minds) if born today. There. I said it.

i remember that same thing, as long as my bladder was always empty, i didn't feel BH cx as much!i hate to say this but unfortunately there are many people out there (way too many) who classify all stillbirths as "miscarriage" and don't even bother about how far along the baby's gestation was. i guess at the end of the day, it's all sad...but it seems so heartless to lump them all together like that.here's to your next milestone! and many many more.

The problem with people's insensitivity is that it was not JUST a miscarriage. It was the loss of two very wanted and infinitely loved babies who are missed, mourned and continue to be loved every day.

*This is my opinion and experience, so if you feel the need to flame me for it, you can kindly take your blog-reading eyeballs elsewhere.*

Lexy, technically it was a miscarriage, but there's unfortunately a very huge difference between a common first trimester miscarriage and what happens to 1-3% of us, the second trimester miscarriage, loss of a baby or babies who we may have seen on ultrasound many times (8 total in our case), who we may have felt move in our bellies (like I did my in the days before our loss), who were supposed to have been "safe", who have to be delivered after vaginal dilation in a hospital because the medical risks and emotional trauma of "natural" miscarriage are too great. It's the dismissive lumping together of these losses with very common first trimester miscarriages, and the grossly insensitive comments that follow (comments that many wouldn't dare say to the mother of a stillborn baby), that cut so deep.

Amy - you look great and you are right...people are more sensitive to stillbirth then they are miscarriage, but regardless you won't have to worry about that this time at all. You are going to make it to the end and hold that baby in your arms and bring him home. Thinking of you always!

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About me

Mom to twins Aliya and Bennett, lost 8/5/11 to a second trimester miscarriage due to pPROM. Parenting their little brother, Asher, born 6/21/13, our IVF miracle, and preemie sister, Gemma, who joined us 8/21/16 through donor egg IVF.
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