"Risking sideways looks around the break room, I harbor an innate soft spot for DragonForce. You can say what you want about their incessant need to beat their frets to death, but it still resulted in some damn catchy songs. Plus, I was that kid who was way better at Guitar Hero than everyone else. DragonForce couldn’t repel more girls if they wore orthodontic headgear with a d20 strapped to it, so naturally Teenage Mutant Metal Wvrm loved them. Novareign clearly feel the same way." Welcome to Wankville. [Give in to your anger...]

"I hate how the paleontological community has degraded the popular image of dinosaurs in recent years. It's not that I disagree with their theories - I'm no scientist, and I'm not about to dispute countless hours of research performed by people who actually know what they're talking about - but I'm still disappointed, because imagining a Tyrannosaurus rex as a big fucking chicken and a tender lover absolutely shatters the mystique of my childhood obsession. So you know what, Victorius? Go right ahead. Strap laser beams to their frickin’ heads. Refer to them as “epic war machines” fighting a “holy war” against “alien scum.”" Saur spots.[Give in to your anger...]

"In my personal pantheon of guilty pleasures, Power Quest reigns supreme. Formed in 2011 by ex-DragonForce keyboardist Steve Williams (lead songwriter and sole remaining original member), this band made a name for themselves in the early-to-mid 00’s by redefining the meaning of cheese, mashing Teutonic power metal together with synth-drenched glam rock—think Van Halen’s “Jump,” by way of Freedom Call, and you'll have a reasonably accurate idea of what to expect. " The cheese quest never ends.[Give in to your anger...]

"I had such great luck with my review choices in May that I decided for June I need to bring myself back down to earth, so this month I’m choosing predominantly power metal. Okay, that’s not why, it’s because all the good stuff was already gone by the time I remembered to look for June promos. Anyhow, for better or worse June is Power Metal Month in the Huckster’s household, and we kick things off with the powerfully-named Greek band Valor, blessing us with their third album, Arrogance: The Fall." Haughty and naughty. [Give in to your anger...]

"I've gotten a lot of shit from the AMG staff ever since I reviewed Unleash the Archers' 2015 release, Time Stands Still. Though I had plenty of complaints about that record, I couldn't put it down. And they all knew it. After the album released, I listened to it for the rest of the year... and the rest of 2016... and even to this day. I will be the first to admit I find the band's songwriting a tad absurd and packed to the brim with nacho cheese. But, that never kept me from enjoying their music. And now the time has come for me to endure more punishment at the hands of the crew. But, this time, the staff will have accept that I'm right." Restrain the Doctor.[Give in to your anger...]

"There was a period back in my early high school days where I listened to DragonForce almost exclusively. I learned guitar so I could (badly) play “Through the Fire and Flames,” I wore one of the most atrocious band tees I've ever seen with pride, and I even made an unbelievably embarrassing PowerPoint presentation on the band's history for a class assignment. I'm pretty sure my obsession with them stemmed from misdirected teenage hormones, which, with me being a DragonForce fan, definitely weren't being aimed where human biology intended." Dragonfetish.[Give in to your anger...]

"In January of 2007, I received one of the best packages of my teenage years, purchased with a Best Buy gift card I received for Christmas. The box contained two CDs: The Best of Led Zeppelin, and Cellador’s Enter Deception. While the former helped kickstart my affinity for classic rock, the latter, an uncharacteristically high quality American power metal record that did Euro-power better than most Euro-power bands, cemented my newfound love for the genre." Best Buy always knows.[Give in to your anger...]

"News from Germany, courtesy of power metal band Victorius: apparently it's totally fine to remove pesky vowels from words as one sees fit, much in the same way the Brits pretentiously shove “u” into words that never needed it (let the comments war commence)!" Take a vowel, leave a vowel.[Give in to your anger...]

"It shouldn’t surprise you that Dead Conspiracy plays the sort of death metal that has little in common with modern incarnations of it or even Morbid Angel, but rather sounds like over the top thrash. My first impression was a less punky war metal or Possessed on speed but with less cool solos." From the days when every town had Seven Churches.[Give in to your anger...]

"If you didn’t listen to the lack of God in the lyrics, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Freedom Call’s newest record, Master of Light, is chock full of so-called Christian metal. It’s a consistently uplifting record, focused on what sounds like good, beauty, and wonder instead of evil and/or nihilism. If the astoundingly good DOOM reboot (easily the best game of the year) showed us anything, it’s that good can easily be an order of magnitude more “metal” than evil." Power, pecs and pizzazz. [Give in to your anger...]