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Sunday, December 2, 2012

I Have My Own Weapon Of Mass Destruction

Jealous? Don’t be. Chances are you have one, too.

It’s called … A Child. And they are all on the same mission.

Seek-and-destroy (your house).

See this picture? That, dear friends, is my formerly-organized, formerly-tidy, formerly-fitting-of-my-anal-retentive-personality bathroom drawer that now looks as though a bomb was dropped inside it. And I'm sick and tired of cleaning it up, so this is how it shall stay. Notice the nice jars, baskets and bags? Those are meant to hold things.

Want to know who snubs her nose at objects of organization? The most-skilled of my Destructive Weapons.

The 13-month old.

Putting tornados to shame she sweeps through the house, opening drawers, emptying cupboards, leaving a trail of chaos in her wake. Her attention is fleeting. A peek inside her head:

"Ooooo, what’s this? Shiny! I like it! I shall carry it with me always and call it my pet and …. Ooooo, what’s this? Noisey! I like it! I shall carry it with me always and …. Oooo! What’s this?”

And so on and so forth, ‘til the end of days (it would seem).

Seriously peeps. I forgot how much stuff these itty-bitty toddlers get into. Like, stuff you didn’t even know you had. I had blocked from my mind all those months of tracking Mason, bending and scooping and picking up remnants of my home as he wandered through. I forgot the agony of having just put the toys away, only to come back to them emptied from their basket and strewn ‘round the floor like small carcasses of my tidy-house dreams. I forgot the dumpster-diving, toilet-water-playing, anything-off-the-floor-munching, what-the-hell-is-that-in-your-mouth period in every child's life.

I forgot … or chose not to remember? (Hmmm, that’s a deep one. Go ahead … chew on that for a while.I don’t mind. I’ll wait).

And while I sit here pondering how someone, for the love of god, can forget she’s holding something in her handand just drop it wherever, it makes me worry: What else have I forgotten? What other “things” will be returning to me life these next few months, things I tried hard to forget?

I already know the temper tantrums are on their way (oh, are they ever.Help us all). And I vaguely recall something called A-Lot-Of-Screaming-Because-Somebody-Wants-To-Communicate-But-Doesn’t-Know-Many-Words-Yet. But that’s about it. The rest of my memories of the 1 – 2 year old stage is fairly sunshine-and-roses.

So tell me: What do I have in store?

And while I wait for your response, just let me go clean up my house. Again.