Last night the Touchdown Jesus figure on I-75 in Ohio was destroyed by fire from heaven (i.e. a lightning bolt). Here's my friend and funny man Matt Hensley's take on it. Enjoy.

First, here are the before and after pictures:

A monument to faith. An eternal icon of love and hope. The 8th wonder of the world. It should have stood for generations as a symbol of Christian religious world domination, but in the early morning hours, Touchdown Jesus was viciously attacked and destroyed by God himself. Using a bolt of lightning from the heavens, the 75 feet tall statue constructed from Styrofoam and wood was brutally assaulted, after an argument between God and Jesus, resulting in its total destruction, as well as the death of Jesus himself. Reports are sketchy at this point, but a source that wishes to remain anonymous (good luck with THAT Mary Magdalene, you know God is like Santa and the CIA combined when it comes to finding things out) has revealed that the argument stemmed from an attempted heavenly corporate overthrow of God by Jesus, who’s popularity has risen exponentially over the past 2000 years, along with himself.

Reports indicate that a domestic argument ensued over a corporate dinner: Instigated by Jesus in an attempt to humiliate God in front of his board of directors and cast doubt on his inability to lead, Jesus is reported to have commented on his father’s lack of intervention and compassion on behalf of mankind, as well as his world renowned temper tantrums (“smite those people, destroy these people, flood the earth and make sure everyone comes from one blood-line, I mean SERIOUSLY, you wonder why everyone prays to ME these days!!! You should step down.”), as well as taunted him on his lack of cool statues (“all you have is a stupid painting on a ceiling in Rome that doesn‘t even look like you, and I’m on half the dashboards in America!!). At that point, The master of the Universe reportedly yelled “So, you wanna GO???? I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!!!!”, and transformed Jesus into a 12 year old pond statue 300 feet from interstate 75 in southern Ohio, and then promptly struck it with a lightning bolt, completely destroying Jesus, as well as an amphitheatre attic, In a pillar of fire witnessed for miles by devastated followers.

The Pope could not be reached for comment, as he has been busy forgiving child molesters in an effort to quash the flow of never-ending lawsuits. A statement was issued by Satan through his attorneys’ office, Dewey, Phuckem, and Howe inc: “I saw this coming for a long time, and if you ask me, the kid had it coming. Any child born out of wedlock is never going to take over a corporation like that. Its just not done. plus, he came along pretty late in the game to be running a con on an experienced guy like God. Its not easy working for the big guy, trust me I know!! I tried the same type of hostile takeover years ago, and I had half of the union and shareholders backing me up, and look what it got me. It took years to recover and start my own gig, but business has grown over the years, and with this new instability and the loss of his number 2, I may be able to corner the market. Stocks already took a huge jump when wall street opened. someone better get busy writing the NEW, New Testament, hahahaha. My condolences to his mother though……” I guess there won’t be a second coming, after all.

Atheists all over the internet are having a field day with this story, styling it as that church having picked the wrong religion. The sad part is that the atheists are obviously joking, but if the lightning bolt had hit a building 50 yards away, the church members would *seriously* be concluding what a miracle it was that the church and statue were spared.

This is exactly the kind of irrational thinking -- not based on evidence, but on subjective interpretations of factual events -- that passes off as arguments for religion.

Fact: someone's cancer goes into remission.

Unsupported, personal interpretation: it was a miracle from God.

Although the probability is low, cancer going into remission is not impossible. In fact, different types of cancer go into remission at different rates, suggesting a deterministic, natural process. If God saved people from cancer, you might expect remission rates to correlate with good deeds or beliefs, not the type of cancer.

And you never see people magically grow back limbs, because that kind of recovery is impossible, not just improbable, and the impossible never actually happens. There are no miracles.

There are no remission of limbs, then there are no miracles. A ha! Sahll I attack thaat first premise? Maybe later. Pray 'til then, if you will, that your own conclusions are not as those you rail against. But have confidence, maybe you cannot be wrong!

Along the same lines, there was a bus crash in Switzerland recently where 2 Canadians were killed and a lot of others quite seriously injured. The comment on the news later was from some of the surviving passengers that God had spared them, so they were thanking God. They should have asked why did he cause the bus to crash in the first place?

Maybe this is why:33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Or... those who lose their lives shall gain it?????? For ever and ever, amen????? SICK!!!! CRAZY!!!

well philosophyfan, i wonder... you say this brought tears to your eyes.... does the same hold true every time lighning strikes a tree, or a home, or a rock?an abandoned building burns down, or a crackhouse in a city, do you also weep? does every inanimate object hold value to you, or just giant statues nicknamed Big Butter Jesus? its not like its the taj mahal, or some other famous and architectually pleasing object. that thing was considered an eyesore by many. even if it had been a statue of Lincoln, or Bozo the clown, other than some dollars lost, this is no great tragedy. its actually quite humerous, if you take an objective look at the irony of it.

Matt, I think Philosophy fan was being humerous (sarcastic).The main tragedy in this event is the amount of money that was spent -I have read $500,000- just for a really ugly statue.So much for churches giving to the poor. I am sure the poor were so grateful for the statue!

Umm, no, I never said there are no miracles because limbs don't grow back (btw, what does "remission of limbs" even mean?). That is your straw man.

I said that limbs don't grow back because there are no miracles -- ie, impossible things don't happen. Improbable things happen but religious thinkers have a hard time understanding them.

There's a 1 in 145 million chance of winning the Powerball Lottery, but if enough people play, *somebody* is going to win eventually, and the process is random. We can watch the ball selection on TV. The fact that someone wins doesn't mean God personally selected that person. That is, again, an unsupported personal interpretation, although I'm sure many lottery winners make that interpretation.

There may be a 1 in 1 million chance of cancer going into remission, but millions of people have cancer. *Somebody* will go into remission as a matter of probability. There's simply nothing more to read into it.

It's nice to think we're special and privileged, but there's no rational reason to think this.

Not too long ago, there was a Lutheran church steeple knocked over by a tornado and the fundy churches nearby were 'spared' and they calld it 'the hand of God' showing that the Lutheran church was wrong for supporting gays.

If there is a hurricane that causes a loss of life or an earthquake that does likewise there will always be a Pat Robertson who will find a reason why God sent this as a punishment on them for their wickedness.

What then will these church folk think of this disaster? Maybe there is sin in the camp and God wants them to repent? Maybe the Pastor must be fired? Maybe the people who voted against this project will say, "See I told you God didn't want us to build a King Jesus."

Maybe the churchgoers will cough up enough dough this time to buy the guy some legs.

Isn't it funny how fundies will assume OT style retribution is happening to sinners during hurricanes or other disasters, but when something happens to something of theirs it's just a coincidence.

Anyway, God was supposed to stop punishing whole cities & countries & planets for the sins of some members when he killed his kid then brought him back to life after a weekend in a coma, erm... tomb...

(personally I think God just thought the bloody thing was ugly as sin and smote it because of that)

"I love how people ignore that it's a pretty obvious sign from God to remind them of the 'no graven images' part of the 10 Commandments. Instead it's obviously Jesus taking a hit for the community so the churches, houses, hospitals, and trees around it weren't struck!"

I'M LAUGHING NOW. HAPPY???Btw, WTF does PAT ROBINSON HAVE TO DO WITH GOD HIMSELF?? THE FATHER OR THE SON??

You are nothing without love... search the Holy Book for that one in context please!!!!!!! Alas, all scripture IS useful for teaching and instructing...but Satan is the Father of Lies right???? Hate the... and love Thy...

I hope you don't mind if I respectfully protest your decision to shut down comments on your Is The Effort At DC Worth It? post. I've invested an enormous amount of time and emotional energy debating D.S. Harvey Burnett, Marcus, and Grace. And just when things were coming to a head in light of Jeff Schweitzer's article in today's huffington Post, you decide to shut down comments. I really hope Grace, in particular, will be able to read this and give me her response to Schweitzer's article.

Lvka; one thing struck me regarding the "visitation" of John Maximovitch that you posted. He appeared to the priest exactly as he appeared in the icon. So basically the priest had a hallucination during a time of stree and his brain used a comforting image he already had in his mind, and image he would have seen daily for years.

Hi JohnIt was quite a laugh. It is interesting to note this is not the first occasion that the 'almighty' attacked and smite its followers in American history. Many church goers were very disconsolate in the times before Benjamin Franklin and his discovery of electricity in lightening. Many churches were burned to the ground as a result of lightening strikes through church spires. But once lightening rods were introduced [through secular scientific discovery] believers were able to rest easy each Sunday despite nature's fierce storms outside. I thought I'd share that with you and readers.Cheers