Fire and Ice

Summary:
**ECLIPSE SPOLIERS** this takes place in ch 22 of Eclipse. This is Edward's POV of the conversation held between Jacob an Edward. it has all the dialoge from the ch, just it includes edward's thoughts instead of Bella's and hears what Jaocb has to say through Edward's head! Please read!

Notes:
Enjoy! this will have to be about two to four ch even though it is only one ch in the book. It was to long ot be one ch, so it will be split up in to several.

It was quiet for now. Although Jacob pondered several things, mostly little desires and daydreams that I dearly wish he could not think about now, or never! Especially because they were about my fiancée.

It seemed Bella was asleep, but she didn’t really fool me. I knew she could most likely still hear us, but I didn’t really care. I tried to keep quiet, but Jacob thoughts became too much.

“Please! Do you mind!” I hissed at him.

“What?” the mutt whispered back, acting all innocent, even in his mind.

“Do you think you could attempt to control your thoughts?” I tried to ask politely, but it failed slightly.

“No one said you had to listen. Get out of my head!” he was faintly embarrassed, but to some extent, smug too.

“I wish I could. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It’s like you’re shouting them at me.”

“I’ll try to keep it down.” Or off, I wanted to reply.

There was a moment of silence as Jacob spoke through my head. “You do realize that I’m better for her. That she loves me too and I love her, just as much as you do? Does that make you jealous?”

“Yes. I’m jealous of that too.”

“I figured it was like that. Sort of evens up the playing field, doesn’t it?” He was very smug again.

I chuckled at him. “In your dreams.”

“You know, she could still change her mind. Considering all the things I could do with her that you can’t. At least, not without killing her, that is.” He taunted me as his thoughts pictured many of his words. I growled, deep in my throat.

“Go to sleep, Jacob. You’re starting to get on my nerves.”

“I think I will. I’m really very comfortable.”

There was another minute of silence and I thought maybe he was being considerate and going to shut up. But them he started to ramble again. Darn! Does he ever shut up? I wanted to ring his neck. Does he realize that my self control is not that decent around werewolves?

You know it’s not fait that you can just pick out of my head without my permission. I want to know what you are thinking. Would you tell me if I asked? Or would you just give me a response to whatever came to your head first? Could you be honest with me? Would you? Huh?

“Maybe I would.” I was curious to what questions he had to ask.

“But would you be honest?”

“You can always ask and see.” I wasn’t guaranteeing that I would be honest with him. I learned that from Bella. Don’t promise that you’ll be honest if you don’t know that question yet. It always ends badly. I wasn’t starting that with the wolf.

“Well, you see inside my head- let me see inside yours tonight, it’s only fair.” Black was eager for his answers.

“Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?” it was a very long list. This should be interesting.

I knew before he even spoke or thought with one he would ask first. It had been nagging him all night. “The jealousy… it has to be eating at you. You can’t be as sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all.”

I ignored the last part and focused on answering honestly. Bella would be pleased with me for being polite. If only she was awake right now. No wait that would be a bad idea. She was not meant to hear this conversation.

“Of course it is, right now it’s so bad that I can barley control my voice. Of course it’s even worse when she’s away from me, with you, and I can’t see her.” Answering the next question that popped into his head.

“Do you think about it all the time? Does it make it hard to concentrate when she’s not with you?”

“Yes and no, my mind doesn’t work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means I’m always able to think of you, always able to wonder if that’s where her mind is, when she’s quiet and thoughtful.”

“Does she think of me often or speak of me?” This thought made me cringe, but I continued.

“Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often. More often than I like. She worries that you’re unhappy. Not that you don’t know that. Not that you don’t use that.” It hurt deeply to admit this, my insecurities, to all of people, a werewolf. It felt like someone was using a knife and slowly cutting open wounds that had healed shortly ago.

“I have to use whatever I can. I’m not working with your advantages- advantages like her knowing she’s in love with you.”

“That helps.” I agreed in a mild tone, smiling myself. It seemed that Bella spoke of her love for me often to Jacob.

“She’s in love with me, too, you know.” I didn’t answer, knowing that my voice would probably ruin my calmness I had played on my face as he spoke those words that would normally make me rethink everything. I knew it was true, which hurt more. But she loved me too, and she loved me more.

“But she doesn’t know it.” He spoke with sadness. He was angry at her for not admitting it. I knew she knew; it’s just that she choose to not believe it, so she frequently denies it. I would not tell him that though, it would only encourage him, provided him with more knowledge to fight with.

“I can’t tell you if you’re right.” I simply responded.

“Does that bother you? Do you wish you could see what she’s thinking, too?”

I thought that through carefully. “Yes… and no, again. She likes it better this way, and, though it sometime drives me insane, I’d rather she was happy.” It was true when I put it like that. It actually felt good to put this into words and say it out loud. Even though it was a vile smelling werewolf, he could understand where I was coming from, to an extent anyway.

The wind ripped around the tent, shaking it like an earthquake. Jacob’s arms tightened around my Bella, protecting her from the chilling wind. I had to admit, it comforted me, knowing she was warm.

“I knew you were just as crazy jealous as I am.” He was self-satisfied again as he whispered the words.

“I’m not such a fool as to wear it on my sleeve like you do. It doesn’t help your case, you know.”

“You have more patience than I do.”

“I should. I’ve had a hundred years to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for her.” I nudged my hand towards Bella.

“So… at what point did you decide to play the very patient guy?”

“When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose. It’s not usually this difficult to control. I can smother the… less civilized feelings I may have for you fairy easily most of the time. Sometimes I think she sees through me, but I can’t be sure.”

I looked towards her now. I was pretty sure she was listening intently right now. The way her breathing was controlled, it seemed too controlled for her to be completely asleep. I couldn’t be sure though. She probably would just think it was a dream, she would never believe that we could be this civilized, to talk amongst our selves, when nobody was here to watch.

“I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might now choose you.” His voice pulled me back to reality. I had got lost in Bella’s face. She created this world that I could easily slip into when I was with her. And she said I dazzled her.

“That was part of it.” I admitted reluctantly. “But only a small part. We all have our moments our doubt. Mostly I was worried that she’d hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. After I had accepted that she was more or less safe with you- as safe as Bella ever is,” I clarified, because Bella was never very safe from herself. “It seemed best to stop driving her to extremes.”

He sighed. “I’d tell her all of this, but she’d never believe me.” I smiled to myself, knowing that my stubborn Bella would not believe it, just as I thought.

“I know.”

“You know everything.” He muttered, disappointed.

“I don’t know the future.” Only my annoying, loving sister could and even you blind her. I thought to myself.

It was silent for a moment, even his thoughts controlled. The only sound was Bella breathing. The wind had calmed somewhat or at least compared to earlier.

“What would you do if she changed her mind?” This brought the stabbing pain back to me, even to think about it. I tried to keep my voice as even as possible.

“I don’t know either.” I didn’t feel like going into details, not with that question, anyway.

He chuckled quietly. “Would you try to kill me?” He was sarcastic. It was a very tempting idea, but I knew my answer.

“No.”

“Why not?” He asked surprised, doubting the truth.

“Do you really think I would hurt her that way?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I know that’s right. But sometimes….” He trailed off. He sounded relieved, like he knew Bella was keeping me from killing him and the same for him, too.

“Sometimes it’s an intriguing idea.” I finished his sentence, knowing it was exactly what he would have spoken. He pressed his face into the sleeping bag to muffle his laughter. I too covered my mouth to hold in my chuckles.

“Exactly.” He eventually agreed, once he controlled his laughter.

“What was it like? Losing her?” His voice was serious, all humor gone with the wind. “When you thought that you'd lost her forever? How did you…cope?” I tried to kill myself you idiot. I held that in and tried to steady my voice. It was hard, with a question like that. It hurt to think of our time of separation.

“That’s very difficult for me to talk about.” He waited for me to continue.

“There were two different times that I thought that. The first time, when I thought I could leave her… that was… almost bearable. Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadn’t touched her life. For over six months I was able to stay away, to keep my promise that I thought I wouldn’t interfere again. It was getting close- I was fighting but I knew I wasn’t going to win; I would have come back…. Just to check on her. That’s what I would have told myself, anyway. And if I’d found her reasonably happy… I like to think that I could have gone away again.

“But she wasn’t happy. And I would have stayed. That’s how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering about that before, what could possibly motivate me… what she was feeling the needlessly guilty about. She reminded me of what it did to her when I left- what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing it up, but she’s right. I’ll never be able to make that up for that, but I’ll never stop trying anyway.”

He took time to digest that for a moment. “And the other time- when you thought she was dead?” he whispered.

“Yes.” I answered the first question, but he asked another through my mind.

“So do you think it will feel that way to me…when she becomes a vampire? The way you felt when you lost her, will I feel the same way?”

“It will probably feel like that to you, won’t it? The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as Bella anymore. But that’s who she’ll be.” She always will be, I had no doubt in that.

“That’s not what I asked.” I had tried to change the subject with the question he had asked through my head, but he still wanted the answer to the first, which I had neglected to give.

“I can’t tell you how I felt. There aren’t words.”

“But you left because you didn’t want to make her a bloodsucker. You want her to be human.” He emphasized the word human. I just wanted to make this very clear, which means I would have to start from the beginning.

“Jacob, from the second I realized loved her; I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didn’t feel as strongly for me- if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as a… living stone- hard and cold. That’s true. We are set the way we are, and it is vary rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There’s no going back…” His thoughts went straight to imprinting and it seemed they both worked in the same way, to a level anyway. They were different in many ways, like how vampires and werewolves are different, but they still worked in a familiar way.

“The second alternative, the one I’d originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn’t a good option for her, to waste her life with someone that couldn’t be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years- it would seem like a very short time to me… but then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us… waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn’t get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human.

“So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into alternative number one. It didn’t work, and it nearly killed us both.

“What do I have left but the fourth option? It’s what she wants- at least, she thinks she does. I’ve trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but she’s very… stubborn. You know that. I’ll be lucky to stretch this out a few months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September…” I could swear I heard a low rumble coming from Bella. I was pretty certain she was listening.

“I like option one.” Jacob muttered. I stayed silent, knowing there was more coming.

“You know exactly how much I hate to accept this, but I can see that you do love her… in your own way. I can’t argue with that anymore.

“Given that, I don’t think you should up on the first alternative, yet. I think there’s a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadn’t jumped off that cliff in March… and if you’d waited another six months to check on her… well, you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan.”

I saw that in his mind, the pictures flashed by and I cringed at them. But I still chuckled; I knew he was right… maybe.

“Maybe it would have worked. It was a well thought out plan.”

“Yeah,” he signed and then his words started coming out faster and he whispered them even softer. “But… give me a year, bl- Edward.” He caught himself on my name, speaking it properly, trying to respect me more, I believe.

“I really think I could make her happy. She’s stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but she’s capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Renée, and she could grow up, and have kids and… be Bella

“You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks you’re very unselfish… are you really? Can you consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are?”

If he only knew how many times I had considered it. I knew it deep down, but that didn’t mean that I would let her go. I was selfish, whether Bella believed it or not.

“I have considered it. In some way, you could be better suited for her than any other human. Bella takes some looking after, and you’re strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and from everything that conspires against her. You have done that already, and I’ll owe you for that for as long as I live-forever- which ever comes first…

“I even asked Alice if she could see that- see if Bella would be better off with you. She couldn’t of course. She can’t see you and then Bella’s sure of her course, for now.

“But I’m not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob. I won't try to force her into that first option again. As long as she wants me, I’m here.” It took a lot of breath to say that, to get it out.

“And what if she were to decide that she wanted me? Okay, it’s a long shot, I’ll give you that.”

“I would let her go.”

“Just like that?”

“In the sense that I’d never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, you might leave her someday.” And a part of me would probably always hope for that. “Like Sam and Emily, you wouldn’t have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen.” He snorted at the truth.

I could tell he didn’t seem to accept everything, but it was the truth. He just didn’t want to believe it.

“Well, you’ve been much more honest than I had any right to expect… Edward. Thanks for letting me in your head.”

“As I said, I’m oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do… you know, Jacob, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re natural enemies and that you’re trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.”

He chuckled quietly in his head. And I mentally smacked myself for being so honest. I never thought I would admit it, but it was all too true.

“Maybe… if you weren’t a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck the life out of the girl I love… well, no, not even then.” But in his head he did admit that I wasn’t so bad. He knew I would take care of Bella. Apparently he had trouble saying this out loud or something.

I chuckled for a moment, but stopped when I remember something that I needed to know from Jacob.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked him politely.

“Why do you have to ask?”

“I can only hear it if you think it. It’s just story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about the third wife…?”

“What about it?” he answered out loud, but went quickly through the legend in his head. And it all came clear and I hit myself for not realizing it quicker. Of course Bella would want to take that role. I let out a low hiss.

“What?” Jacob demanded again.

“Of course… Of course! I rather wish your elders would have kept that story to themselves, Jacob.”

“You don’t like the leeches being painted as the bad guys? You know they are. Then and now.”

“I really couldn’t care less about that part. Can’t you guess which character Bella would identify with?” It took him a minute, going through everything in his head. It was quite entertaining as he put it all together.

“Oh. Ugh. The third wife. Okay, I see your point.”

“She wants to be there in the clearing. To do what little she can, as she puts it. That was the second reason for my staying with her tomorrow. She’s quite inventive when she wants something.” I sighed.

“You know your military brother gave her the idea as much as the story did.” I knew he was right, if Jasper hadn’t spoken of that out loud, Bella might not have been so serious about it.

“Neither side meant any harm.” I ended the discussion with my simple answer.

“And when does this little truce end? First light? Or do we wait till after the fight?”

We both paused as we considered the answer.

“First light.” We both whispered at the same time. Then we broke both our quiet laughter.

“Sleep well, Jacob. Enjoy the moment.” I regretted the words as soon as I spoke them. His thoughts went to many places I wish they wouldn’t. I groaned.

“I didn’t mean that quite so literally.”

“Sorry. You could leave, you know- give us a little privacy.” He teased.

“Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob?” the idea was so tempting.

“You could try. It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn’t it?” It was an appealing offer, to see who would walk away.

I let it go and drowned out his thoughts. I started to hum Bella’s lullaby. I saw her relaxing already. I noticed that she had gotten tenser in the last few minutes. I smiled in my sleep. I wondered I she would ask of this tomorrow, if she did hear everything. Now would be a good time to be able to read her mind.