Posted:30th Sep 2007You find another 600 words for your essay, write it all out, graduate, do another degree, graduate, do a master's and graduate, do a doctorate and graduate, become a successful academic, become a famous academic- then one day you spill soup on a fellow academic's tie- he discovers 600 words you wrote early in your career were clearly plagiarised verbatim. You are now a famous plagiariser.

Posted:1st Oct 2007You don't. You've been thrown out for a string of shocking incidents involving nutella, kerosene and a lighter stolen from some bloke called Steve. Now you have to go and get a boring 9 to 5 job!

I wish Mondays didn't suck.

"Love the art in yourself and not yourself in the art."--Konstantin Stanislavisky

Posted:1st Oct 2007Your miniature elephant arrives safely bubble wrapped via courier. You spend many happy hours playing with your new friend, until he chokes attempting to eat a relatively large peanut.

Posted:1st Oct 2007You receive a dozen spanish elves to do your homework, lifting your modest grades to outstanding, perfect scores. You become the highest scoring person in your course for this semester, and are invited to a conference to speak on current world views in Spanish...

...Despite your efforts to dress one of your elves as a rouge-shaped dragon, your game is up.