October 25, 2009

If Shmitten Kitten were a made-for-television movie on the Hallmark channel, "Things I'm Terrible At: Judging What Qualities Are Important In A Male" would be the name of it. Obviously, as any reader of our site knows, that statement pretty much sums us up. Apparently, it applies to our reader Jocelyn too:

I dated this kid for a year in high school and he wore the same shirt and ripped jeans the entire time. And what shirt was it, do you ask? It was from the band Leftover Crack and it said "Shoot The Kids at School" on it. This was interchangeable every few weeks with his other Leftover Crack shirt that said, "Rock the 40 oz." Regardless, I loved him in all of his punk rock skater glory. He did have a job and a car. Really what more can you ask for in high school?

Which brings me to college where I had a brief fling with a guy from the Southern region. He was gorgeous: long curly locks, bone-thin and draped in a v-neck tee, skinny jeans, and cowboy boots. He was funny and had just gotten a job at American Apparel. He was also homeless. Like, he did not have a home. He crashed on couches--and in my bed--for weeks. I made him food when he stayed over because he was paying back credit card debt that he'd accrued to make it to Philly. I heard that even when he did find a place he was a total freeloader, surprise surprise. As you can see I have really high standards.

Wow. That's pretty funny. Punk rockers and freeloaders? That's like Crummy Guys 101. I could teach a college-level course on that. We've gone out with guys who were waaaaaay more insane. Like the guy who only hooked up with me to steal my friend's number out of my cell phone. Or, the guy who drank up all my vodka at 9am on a Tuesday when I left him at my house to go on a job interview. Or, the guy who claimed that he had to be taken to the hospital because he had alcohol poisoning but when I dropped everything and raced across town to get to him, he said that he didn't really need to go to the hospital; he just wanted to cuddle me. Actually, the last two things happened with the same guy. On the same day. *shakes head*

I'm always terrible at judging what qualities are important in a guy. That's my calling card. What are you terrible at? Write us at hi@shmittenkitten.com and let us know.