Guy comes home drunk, with a wine glass in his back pocket. He sat on it and cut himself. After puting bandaids on the cuts, he went to bed. His wife woke him in the morning and said, "you came home drunk last night." "How do you know?", he asked "Because there are bandaids on the mirror downstairs," she replied.

The man and his wife were at his school reunion and they noticed a very drunk woman at the next table. He said, with pride, that she was his high school sweetheart and has been drinking since they broke up. His wife said she never heard of anyone celebrating that long.

The boy was abused by school bullies and his lunch money stolen, so his father put him in judo class.

He got to be really good, so he decided to challenge the bullies.

He came home with a black eye and scuffed up and his father asked what happened.

He said by the time he got his shoes and socks off, the boys had beatened him and stole his money

A Nun when passing a construction site was pestered by whistles and cat calls. She decided to witness to them. So the following day she brought her lunch and sat next to a man and asked him if he knew Jesus.

He called to the men up above and asked if anyone knew Jesus. A man yelled back, "who wants to know".