Archive for April, 2015

We started the show talking about the big fight this weekend that’s got everybody talking: Gabrielle versus Jenny! We had our girls weigh their cans as they went forehead-to-forehead in what has become a sort of boxing tradition… although ours is much sexier, obviously.

As we say goodbye to the month of April, we thought we’d give it a sendoff it could appreciate: one last group shower. How will we welcome those May flowers, you ask? You’ll have to just wait and see…

After that, we chatted with our good buddy Mr. Skin, who had some Grade-A, free-range, organic celebrity nudity for us today, from the last place on TV you’d expect it: the History Channel! Usually they’re more into talking about UFO’s and ghosts than boobs, but we’re not complaining.

It was then time for Hefardy!, that great trivia game where you answer with a question and question with an answer… right? We’re actually not sure. What we do know is that this round’s categories were all Playboy-centric, and Mariela quickly ran away with it, even nailing the final Hefardy answer. Even Alex Trebek would have to be proud of that one.

We took a break, and then brought it back with our latest episode of our hit parody series “Full Blouse.” Our little show is becoming more and more relevant, as it looks like the original “Full House” show is coming to Netflix soon, so be sure to hop on Youtube and give it some sweet, sweet views.

Then, we welcomed in Marshal Dutton and Cody Hanson of the band Hinder, whose new album “When the Smoke Clears” is set to drop on May 12th. They talked about their plans for the future and also what it feels like to work on a video with a Playboy Playmate. The life of a rocker is a tough one, we suppose.

To close out the show, we played Groupie or Roadie, where our girls tried to prove that they had what it takes to be the latest Hinder groupie to “get backstage,” as it were, while leaving the other girls to wallow in the wings and carry the band’s gear. Their musical gear, not the other kind, the groupie gets to do that.

Hello one and everyone! Enjoy this Morning Show blog post at your leisure.

We started on a somber note today, as we discussed the tragic story of the man whose medical condition means that he can only get 100 more boners in his lifetime. It’s a ticking cock, and according to our nurse Ali, the prognosis isn’t good. We can only hope that he uses each and every erection to its fullest potential. Well, we hope that for every man already. But especially this guy.

After that, we checked in with some stories of nudity from around the world in our Good Naked/Bad Naked segment. We heard about a woman driving through a Kohls nude in her car, and a naked man who got tasered twice on the same stretch of highway, before watching a reenactment of a story about a violinist choking out an old grandma. Of course, our version was much sexier than the true story, because that’s sort of our thing.

We then chatted it up with our new model Elizabeth Jean, in our Like a Model segment. Elizabeth showed off some of her pictures from past shoots and was even kind enough to talk to some callers on the phone. But even she has some unfulfilled fantasies…

Then, we ran through a quick game of Truth or Bare, where our sexy models tried to fool Dan and Andrea into thinking that a sexy story came from their life, even if it didn’t. For the naive people out there, this is called “lying” and it happens every day.

We took a short break and then got experimental up in here in our Sex Mythbusters game. Andrea and Dan dressed up in their lab coats and safety goggles and tested exactly how much spanking is tied to arousal. Using various spanking tools, Andrea wound up and left her mark on these ladies. And I mean really left her mark. What did we learn? Spanking is tied to arousal, especially if you’re the one watching it take place.

Finally, we closed out with the longest-running nude game show in TV and radio history, Know It or Show It. In this magazine edition of the famous trivia game, we had questions about the mafia, Madonna, and motorcycles. It’s not easy remembering all the people Madonna’s kissed over the years, but Andrea was kind enough to remind us. She’s good at keepin’ the books.

Welcome to our weekly celebration of Topless Tuesday, or if you speak Spanish, martes de mammories.

We began the show today with a small consortium of like-minded hot chicks called our Hot Girl Focus Group. Today’s topic up for debate was the unwritten rules of the bedroom, or “sex etiquette.” Women like their sex a certain way, and lord knows men can’t infer all that information themselves, so all the information discussed today was definitely vital. The male brain is a simple thing, and it needs all the help it can get.

After that, Dan and Andrea checked out the covers from some of our latest issues of Playboy Magazine, including the brand new May 2015 edition on shelves now, in order to Spot the Bunny hidden somewhere in the cover art. It’s a glorious tradition and remains pretty difficult, especially for Dan. Again, male brain.

Next, we revealed a great secret about the restroom here in the Mini Mansion: the men’s room has a sweet vending machine in it that gives out awesome prizes. We checked out a few of them, like a pre-wet t-shirt, candy necklaces, and the Gratuitous Nudity button. You can guess how all that ended…

After our break, we learned about the evolution of the sport of surfing, in our Horny History segment. For a 1000-year old sport, it’s still pretty fresh and cool, despite historical white people’s best attempts to make it boring. Damn historical white people.

We then brought in the #1 Pro Surfer in the world, Makua Rothman, straight from Hawaii. Makua talked about his family’s part of surfing’s history, what it’s like to be a young kid catching gigantic waves, and the time he had to have surgery after he fell face-first into a coral reef shelf. Talk about a wipeout. As if he wasn’t cool enough already, he’s also working on a new album, so check that out when it drops.

To close out the show, we played Get Lei’d, our Hawaii-based trivia game that rewards our models’ correct answers by throwing those flower necklaces at them and letting them hop to the next island. Surf’s up, dudes.

Let’s tear the protective seal off of this brand new week and finish it off before the expiration date.

This Monday Morning Show began with a very special PSA fashion show, where our models took some male fashion faux-pas and made them sexy simply by putting them on. Men, take note! These looks are officially out of style and should be out of your closet.

After that, we checked out some hot mugshots from some fine female felons and Andrea and Dan tried to see if they were too crazy to “Bust Out”. We’ve found that the hotter the girl, the easier it is to rationalize what she’s done. The trick is to just think of your mugshot as a glamour shot.

Next, we read some Constructive Criticisms from viewers like you, this time relating to our “Full Blouse” videos on Youtube. Seems that some people got the joke better than others, and a few got it even better than we did. That’s the magic of the internet, folks: bringing strange people together.

We took a short break and then read some letters in our Tough Love segment. Both our models and Andrea gave some light-hearted, soft advice to the letter-writers, and then Dan brought out the bucket of hard truth and rained down a torrent of Tough Love on their seemingly life-consuming problems. It’s not pretty, but it is effective.

We then welcomed in Paul Johansson, star of the final season of “Mad Men,” and the CW’s “One Tree Hill” back in the day. Paul talked about growing up on the mean streets of Canada, and some crazy fan interactions, where they have blurred the line between him and the character he played. It’s dangerous work, this acting stuff.

To close out the show, we tested Paul’s advertising expertise in a segment called Ass-vertising. Paul went head-to-head with our models and tried to guess the zoomed-in company logo before they could, in order to have them lose clothing. Sex sells.

Take your bra off and throw it over your shoulder, it’s a Throw-Rack Thursday!

Today we stared the show with a little movie magic: we had our girls come in and show what it’s really like behind-the-scenes during some of your favorite movie sex scenes. Well, it would be, in a perfect world where even the key grip is a sexy model. It really gives a new meaning to “boom pole.” We could continue, but we’ll spare you.

Speaking of sexy movies, Mr. Skin joined us on the phone with some new nudity to talk about, including a 49-year-old naked Salma Hayek, who still looks quite good. Seriously, that woman must be part fine wine, because she has aged ridiculously well.

Next, we welcomed in Adult Film Star Kayden Kross, to talk about the new male sex toy Fleshlight modeled after her own lady bits. Everyone in this business knows you’re not really a full-fledged ‘star’ until they mold you, so congrats to Kayden on this historic accomplishment.

While Kayden was in studio, we had her judge our models’ sex-toy-making skillz, in a game called Dil-Doh. After much careful crafting and a few tragic mishaps, they were completed! These may only be prototype dildos, but we like their ideas. Less Shark Tank, and more Spank Tank.

We took a short break and then welcomed in Brad Williams, whose new Showtime comedy special “Fun Size,” which premieres on May 8th. Brad’s a long-time friend of the show, and we’re super excited to see his very first one-hour comedy special that he edited, and did all in one take. Impressive stuff by anyone’s standards. What’s more impressive is his Full House-inspired story about how he scared John Stamos. Here’s our shameless plug: check out episode two of our parody series “Full Blouse” on Youtube right now!

To close out the show, we played How Low Can You Go, where our models competed in varioud “low”-themed activities, like posing with our low-rider, limbo-ing, and eating some “low hanging fruit” off of another girl’s bra. Just don’t call it low-brow.

Welcome to a slippery Wednesday here in the Mini Mansion. Don’t let it get away from you!

We began things today by talking about Earth Day, which is today. If you forgot to get a present for the Earth on its special day, maybe just try to reduce your carbon footprint a little bit. We have some alternative energy sources that we’re trying out today, based on an idea we saw on Pornhub, where you generate power by whacking off. We had our girls do activities and then measured the electricity produced with an old-timey light bulb. Science!

After that, we brought in Chad L. Coleman, star of such legendary TV shows as “The Wire” and “The Walking Dead.” His new multi-platform project, “Treadwater” features him as one of the characters, and he’s executive producing the entire thing. You probably won’t be surprised to learn that the “L” in his name stands for “Success.” I guess that is pretty surprising, actually.

We then brought in our models for them to run through a Choose Your Own Ass-venture… um, adventure. They traveled through space, fought zombies, and even had to deal with corrupt Polish union workers, all like characters from Chad’s various wildly successful shows. In the end, they got what they were trying to get, but more importantly, they got naked! If free will is a myth, explain THAT, philosophers.

After a short break, we returned with a short Earth Day fashion show, where our girls built outfits using only sustainable and recycled parts. It’s good for the Earth, and good for your eyes, as plants and clear plastic bottles don’t offer much coverage.

To close out the show, we had our girls play some Spin the Model, with our very special sponsor for the show, Get Wet Lubricant. Ruby was the lucky gal to be spun in a tub full of the fabulous, hemp-based lube, and our other gals acted out various tasks based on where she landed.It’s like Twister, if the spinning was the funnest part.

We started our show off today by previewing things to come, by guessing whether a zoomed-in picture was of titties, pussy, or ass. How’s that different from any other show? Well, you’ll just have to read on to find out, now won’t you?

After that, we welcomed in Jackson Galaxy, star of Animal Planet’s “My Cat From Hell,” currently in its sixth season airing Saturdays at 8. Even if you’re not a cat person, it’s a wonder to watch Jackson work and become one with the mind of a feline friend. If he told us he was part cat, we’d be inclined to believe him.

As Jackson was in the studio, we entered the ‘pussy’ part of our show, with a game called The Pussy Whisperer. We pitted blondes against brunettes where they used yes-or-no to guess the preferences of their teammate. Despite some initial confusion over what constitutes a yes-or-no question, Drew and Jenny, our blonde bombshells, took the tiara for their side. For the first time ever, I get why it’s called a whispering eye. Huh.

We took a short break, and then welcomed in hip-hop legend, Sir Mix-A-Lot, whose song “I Like Big Butts” you may recognize, if you’re from this planet. Mix talked about his plans for the future (he may be live-streaming the process of his album), and some of the keys to his success. We believe that being true to yourself and saying how you feel about derrieres go hand-in-hand.

In the tits and ass portion of the show, Mix-A-Lot judged a T vs. A Battle of the Babes, where we saw each team “put ’em on the glass,” and engage in some trampoline trivia. In the end, butts won out, to the surprise of pretty much no one.