"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

I used to be quite competitive at sports, then I realized you can buy trophies.

It would have been his third win in a row if he'd won the two before.

For those who can't tell the teams apart, the All Blacks are the ones with the ball.

Richie Benaud drily observed that captaincy was “90 per cent luck and ten per cent skill . . . but just a word of warning, don’t try it without the skill.”

“If I had a lower IQ I could enjoy this conversation,” (Muhammed Ali to Michael Parkinson

“I was playing the 17th hole at Mottram Hall when a total stranger raced up, threw his arms round my neck and told me Oldham had beaten Aston Villa. Manchester United were champions after 26 barren years. I will never forget striding up the 18th fairway. I had a picture in my mind of Arnold Palmer receiving thunderous acclaim from the hundreds of people lining the final hole at Troon for the Open Championship of 1962. There wasn’t even a squirrel applauding me, but it didn’t matter because we were champions.” Sir Alex Ferguson, in 1997, on his first title success four years earlier

All you need to know about man is that we blame fate for other accidents, but take personal responsibility for a hole in one.

Life was better back then because the roads were chiefly for cars. Cycling was a hobby for children rather than a lifestyle statement. So you could go about your business without being shouted at constantly by some walnut-faced communist with gnarled buttocks and a head full of bile.(Jeremy Clarkson, of course)

Baseball: a nervous breakdown divided into 9 innings.

"I refuse to go bungee jumping, I came into this world because of a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one"

In most nations, when people say "football", they mean "soccer", which is a completely different game in which smallish persons whiz about on a field while the spectators beat each other up and eventually overthrow the government. I don't know why the other nations call soccer "football," but I suspect it has something to do with the metric system and I say the hell with it.(Dave Barry)
Richie McCaw earns $750,000 a year as All Black captain. Just over twice what NZ PM is paid.

She does run sometimes - like when the ice cream truck is getting away.

Go jogging? What, And get hit by a meteor?

I never comment on referees, and I'm not going to break the habits of a lifetime for that prat.

You can make a lot of money out of golf. Ask any of my ex-wives. (Lee Trevino)

If you want to know what you'll look loke in 10 years time, look in the mirror after you've done a half-triathlon.

I don't jog. The beer spills.

Am I terrible person for wishing there was a bowling event at the Special Olympics? Because that shiat would be hilarious.

No-one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

Aerobics = gay folk dancing

Kids are great. It's a shame they have to grow up to be regular people and come to games and call you names.