Another spirited and poignant entry into the MooreTalk arsenal of blogs! I like it! However, I have a couple things I want to address:
1- The “late movie issue”. Are the men of this world really lupine aggressors using thinly veiled audio-visual entertainment to lure the unsuspecting ladies of virtue to their dens with the intent to sully said virtue? I think your depiction is definitely relevant, but a bit heavy-handed. The social contract between men and women is very complex, and I would dare say that neither side has a concrete understanding of neither its overt characteristics nor its subtleties. Also, women and men train each other by their actions – the unspoken part of said contract. Now, I am sure if you were to talk to any number of men they will tell you that girls will come over to your place to “watch a movie” and leave disappointed because you did not take the initiative to initiate the sexual experience. This is not one or two times, this happens fairly often. A lot of times women feel it is necessary to simply present the opportunity and then it is the job of the male to be the aggressor. So where does this leave the male? On one hand, he could risk making a move and be chided for wanting sex. Or he could do nothing…and be chided for not wanting sex. Don’t get me wrong – there is NO EXCUSE for rape, and I will never and have never condoned any non-consensual sexual act (I feel the need to make this clear in order to guard myself against some of your more “passionate” readers ;D). Most interactions between men and women involve “cat and mouse” games of playing coy. It’s not going to involve a man telling a woman “come over, I want some vagina” or a woman telling a man “I’m coming over so you better screw me”. There will ALWAYS be an undercurrent of hopeful understanding on both parts. Perhaps this is the root of the problem. However, it is not a problem engineered by men, it is a problem that both parties perpetuate.
2- I’m pretty sure there are many men in the “friend box” that can tell you all the ways they are enjoying the company of any given woman without sex :D. Men are built to be sexual aggressors. The fact that this is true in pretty much every culture out there indicates some sort of biological propensity. It doesn’t mean we should act like beasts, but it does mean that we’re going to want sex. This is NORMAL. Don’t like it? Date women (which a lot of women are doing anyhow). I wonder, would women really want to live in a world where men were not sexual aggressors. Would they really? Ever see what happens when a woman feels she has to chase a man and be the aggressor? Most times it’s not a positive experience for her. Despite all the complaining you will hear women do in fact benefit from the sexually aggressive and competitive nature of men because it allows them to be selective. There are some women who want to be the aggressor but this is not the majority. This sexual aggression by men is a two-edged sword which becomes a problem when it is not tempered with common decency and intelligence. Also, while there is no excuse to take advantage of women sexually, there needs to be something said about what women communicate to men. There needs to be responsibility. You can’t go to his house to watch a movie, at 01:30am, with no bra, in your batty-rider, and after half an hour of grinding your batty into his pelvic region because you want to cuddle, look at him with anger and bemusement when he wants sex and you don’t. “Men are such pigs, I only came over here with no bra because I think they are part of the oppressive system, and my batty-rider is comfortable, and I like to cuddle with men in their bed in the wee hours of the morning while making rhythmic motions suggestive of copulation. Why would he think I want sex?? Damn the patriarchy! Women’s rights!!!”. Really, though? Really? Expectations will always exist based on experience and social norms. Touting the banner of the right to do anything one wants is not an excuse for feigning ignorance and tempting fate. Don’t want to have sex? Go to his house at 12 noon, with friends, fully clad, with a ride home. Message is pretty clear, no?
Keep up the good work, Carla. 🙂