Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

Purse Shit

When my sister and I were kids we used to make fun of mom saying she had everything in her purse but the kitchen sink. Once again, the past comes back to bite me in the ass like a giant butt-munching mosquito.

It never ceases to amaze me every time I peer into my purse the shit I find there. Why is it that a mom’s purse becomes the receptacle for all abandonded articles that no one wants to carry, hold, eat, put away or throw away?! I’ve written about this before and, clearly, I have failed to set a stable perimeter around my purse. It has been compromised!

Here’s a small list of my favorite purse shit (part of the reason why I drink):

mismatched dirty socks

gum-covered pennies

an ecclectic mix of crumbs

broken necklaces

underwear (not mine)

jumbo pack of empty Starbucks gift cards

broken crayons

random barrettes

naked Barbies

temporary tattoos

half-eaten suckers

drive-thru toys

dried booger-covered Kleenex

half-eaten quesadilla

broken sunglasses

Burger King crown (that we HAD to have)

baby doll head

fake fingernails

glue for fake fingernails

iPads, Pods, Phones, Tunes (F-off Steve Jobs)

batteries

sticky Tylenol bottle

straws

straw wrappers

nose ring

candy cigarettes

Dick-tacs (Connie)

Luckily, no actual shit has ever been found. Please feel free to add your own shit to this list.

Stay sane my friends.

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