Month: December 2014

Conner, my cardigan corgi mix, is an odd creature. If it is possible for dogs to be autistic then I believe he is. He has also been my charity case. Poor dog was so beat up with parasites when I first adopted him many many many moons ago. He has taken some pretty harsh injures over the years and occasionally becomes the slayer of house plants.

It’s not often. Months and months will go by and he is sweet and never even gives a second glance at the plants. They no longer are a thing. Just invisible to his happy go lucky world. All is in balance and right. Then one day it all goes to Hell and Conner strikes.

He will go through and defoliate and consume everything! Just devours through them all like the ravenous bugblatter beast of traal. It’s a murderous rage that fills him. The rage of a psychopath loaded down with weapons in a shopping mall during Christmas. It always happens unseen by me. The only warning sign I have are the piles and piles and piles and PILES of dog vomit all over the house.

By rights that insane little dog should be dead. In one evening he consumed three four foot avocado trees to the dirt in the pots…. No trunks even left. Just devoured them like a beaver. He then spent the entire next day vomiting it all up. There have been others. Many many others over the years.

His recent attack was on culinary herbs that I brought in to overwinter. Again it resulted in profuse vomiting. Really by the time I found out what has been done there is no use in taking him to the vet because he’s vomited up everything that was consumed. So we continue this wicked cycle over and over again. I keep extremely toxic plants out of his reach but there is only so much space to do that.

I do greatly enjoy this holiday. It seems to inspire so much hope and happiness in people. I’ve met some very interesting single serving friends on this night, had some amazing experiences, also developed tinnitus due to one NYE (great night, I drank a lot that night and was so thankful I wasn’t driving and the shuttle that took me back to my hotel had a sober driver), and so on and so forth.

It is also a night that can be very sad. Be responsible people. If you go out to drink get a cab, shuttle, or many cities provide services to get you home safe and a live. If nothing else do it for the people that you don’t know who’s lives you may ruin. Maybe children won’t see their parents again, grandparents, grandchild, friend, lover, and/or whatever. So just play safe

That all being said I will be at the dungeon I work at. Not sceneing at all tonight. I don’t scene on none dungeon party nights. Tonight is a private party held by someone else and not a dungeon party. The dungeon parties don’t have alcohol, but there will be drinking tonight. I am still going to work for a while and then who knows what else.

So anyway everyone be safe, enjoy, I’ll probably try to throw up another post or two before the day is done.

On this episode of “You don’t know what you are talking about.” I want to discuss something I’ve heard people have talked about incorrectly in the knife world.

For those of you that may not know I was trained by a professional knife sharpener when I was around 12 years old. From that moment on I’ve gobbled up whatever information I could on keeping knives sharp and happy.

Now I have listened to people talk about their knives over the years. Recently I’ve spoken to people about various forms of care for various types of blades. I’ve found, especially in the local BDSM community, a misconception of honing vs sharpening. I even had someone tell me once “I prefer a strop to a sharpening stone.” So allow me a moment to type down some basic ideas here. Not going to go into technical stuff or what not. Just going to talk about concepts

Sharpening – Sharpening a knife is actually removing tiny strips or pieces of metal from your knife. It brings that edge back to life. It restores it. Makes it that oh so deadly we all love. If you do not do it correctly you will ruin your blade.

Some of the tools of the sharpening world are, grinding wheels, files, whet stones, bench stones, Japanese water stones, fine grit sand paper (upwards in the 1500 + range), etc.

With sharpening the more coarse the stone the more metal that is stripped away. The finer the stone the less metal and obvious as the name goes the finer the edge you put on the blade.

Honing – Honing is basically realigning your already sharpened blade. As you use a knife, be it a kitchen knife or a hunting knife, the edge will curl to one side or other. Honing encourages that edge back in its proper place. It straightens it. Honing also removes any microscopic burrs that are left behind in the sharpening process. It smooths the blade. Think of it as the “lotion” for the blade (it puts the lotion on the skin).

Some honing tools you’ll find are pieces of leather, strops, honing rods both ceramic and steel (these you often see in knife block sets), compounds to rub into your leathers or strops, etc.

Now with honing rods it is always better to not get the really low-end ones or it can really mess up your knives.

So there you have it children. Sharpening is not Honing and Honing is not Sharpening. They are completely different elements in caring for your lovely edged friend.

Since coming back to Oklahoma and deciding to stop being such a shadow at fet related things I’ve slowly turned into a mentor for a lot of new to newer people. I am honored by this. Most of the time the problems and/or questions are simple. Others are not so much. There is one fear problem I’ve had several times in the past year so it is time to pen it down. I know very recently this was brought to me as well and I thank you for that. The issue is a bad scene or BDSM fuck up.

This is something I talk about when I teach a knife class. It really is simple the longer you play, the more edgy stuff you do, the more people you experience, and the simple fact that you and your partner are human the greater the risk you WILL have a bad scene and/or you WILL mess up. I’m sorry to break that to you oh readers but it is going to happen. Be prepared for it now.

I’ve fucked up several scenes. A few of those disasters got the bottom hurt. Most of them gets me injured (try making the split second decision to invert a scalpel and put it into your own hand instead of the breast of your bottom). I once had a scene end so poorly that Mary and I started arguing which continued into us arguing on the way home. It happens.

What I have told several people, and I will continue to tell people, is when it goes bad the best thing you can do is be adults about it. There is an exception to this if the scene went bad due to malicious, unconsenting, and/or violating circumstances then you need to get help immediately. But what do I mean about being adults? Well once everyone’s emotions are more in control talk to each other. See where it went bad. Apologize to each other if necessary. Will it be awkward? Yes, but being and working through the awkward is much better then everyone hating each other. It’s much better then everyone causing mutual friends to be awkward. Be honest with each other and preserver. So what are some things that can be done to reduce damage once things go wrong?

Let’s look at the sub/bottom. Speak up about things that are not right. Doesn’t matter what it is. Does not matter if you asked for it. Does not matter that you are the submissive. None of your excuses in your head matter. What matters is if it does not feel right speak up. You have safe word right? Well call it. Communicate it immediately when things have gotten bad. Respect your Dom/Top enough to speak up because most will feel like shit for having hurt you. But most importantly by all that you are respect yourself enough to give yourself the right to speak up.

On the top side. You have been given a gift and blessing to be in that position. You have been given the responsibility too. Own that responsibility. If you are like me check in on your bottom regularly. Practice your observation skills. Learn what the signs are when someone is really in distress. During the negotiation, you insisted on negotiating first right, talk to them about triggers. During that negotiation talk to them about uncomfortable things and pay attention to what their reactions are. Those reactions are important. Knowing your bottom and what they like and don’t like and want and don’t want is important. I personally insist on negotiating scenes over and over again with someone that is new to me until after I’ve scened with them a handful of times. Also respect your bottom enough to call a scene if things go wrong. Doesn’t matter if they didn’t call it. You should call it or you are making it worse. Respect your position of power exchange and respect yourself and your honor and reputation enough to call that scene.

In the end it does not matter which side you are on. Just understand there will be mistakes. Be prepared for that. When it happens use that experience to grow. Use it to make yourself a better person, and if at all possible use it to make your connection with the other person involved stronger (if at all possible but sometimes you just can’t). As always enjoy yourself and be risk aware.

I was reading this article here. It is talking about research done with mice where young blood infused into older mice actually rejuvenated the older mice. It talks about the triggers and all that and how they are moving onto human trials soon for Alzheimer patients. Really an interesting read. Go check it out.

Anyway so while I was reading it I started thinking about all these headlines “Man caught with children hooked up to blood pumps in his basement.” “Shortage of young people as the elderly bleed them dry.” And so on and so forth. All extravagant and such. But here in the USA let’s be more serious. The headlines here would actually read “Child Billionaire Almost Dies from Donating too Much Blood.” “College Kids Paying for College with Blood.” Really because we are a greedy nation.

Of course I was also having the thoughts of “Geez I wonder if I should gets some donors now?” You know start now before I’m old and have problems. Any 18 to 25 year olds that are type A blood type want to be personal donors to me? That is amusing in itself. think of the want ads. Oh the macabre humor on this could go for days.

But really I hope for promising results. Main reason is that Alzheimer’s runs on one side of my family and Dementia on the other. It’s a huge fear of mine and anything that can possibly stave it off I follow closely. So here is hoping for the blood!

I’m also a blood fetishist so makes me all warm and fuzzy on the inside thinking about this.

My Hatch Day (birthday to most of you) was December 27th. I hate it. Hate it a lot. Someone asked me today why I despise it so much. Well really the simple answer is I can count on my hands out of 31 of these occurrences that have been pleasurable to me. But that’s the simple brush off answer. Not a lie, but not everything.

There is the thorn in my side that I’ve never had a birthday party on my Hatch Day itself, nor have I ever had one that wasn’t just family. No one has the energy to do anything two days after Christmas. I can’t blame them. Everyone is crashing. Weather is often questionable. So it’s this just ug time of year. You also have everyone gearing up for New Year’s Eve. So it’s just a dismal time for everyone to do anything.

With that there is also this weird random occurrence that no matter how hard I try to have a good day something implodes. This previous birthday was no different. So I have to take care of that issue. This is a repeated event and always is so random but happens like clockwork. When it happens, be it in person, a phone call, text message, or e-mail I just accept it and start dealing.

Along the same lines that day has always been about other people. The only time it has ever been about me are the two I had by myself. One of which was completely awesome. It just always turns into a day about others so I gave up trying. But most importantly it is a day I weigh myself on my scales of judgement.

No one else is judged on those scales. They are reserved for me alone. The naked and harsh truth of my being is placed on them for judgement. I take a moment to look back over all the years and judge myself on the entire span. I’ve been told the standards I hold myself are too high, too tough, too rigid… This is all probably true, but I have to. I have to always hold myself at a higher standard. I will pick everyone else up and I will pick myself up. But I fall short.

No… Short is far from the word. I am still in the canyon waiting to climb. I’m still at the starting line waiting to punch the pedal. Oh people would tell me that I’ve accomplished more than most. This may or may not be true. I don’t compare myself to the goals, accomplishments, and aspirations of others. I challenge myself to my standards. It is exhausting and some years it even breaks me.

I know it would be healthier if I just stopped doing that…. But I have to hold myself to higher standards. I have to hold myself to point that I may never achieve. If I don’t I’m likely to just die. If I don’t drive myself so hard I will give up and let myself cease to be. I know. I’ve been there. My drive evaporated away like a pot of water that was forgotten on the stove.

When this occurs a slow wither and death starts. That withering leads to other terrible things. Things that I don’t care for. Things that harm people. Things that consume. So I hold myself to a standard that may be impossible. That may condemn me to a miserable day of judgement every year.

So that’s that. That is why I despise the day of my hatching. It comes once a year and it leaves me beaten each year and curled up on the ground having to force myself up again. I have to make myself stand and place my hands and feet on the stone wall and try again. And I will fall and fall over and over again but that self judgement keeps me alive and sometimes, not necessarily this year, you wake up and all you have is your life.

I use facebook for a few things. It’s a good source of news updates in science, sustainability, and really whatever I choose. I also use it to watch so many that I went to school with. Watching them I notice a few things.

First is that people get fat. I’m really only twenty to thirty pounds from when I graduated high school many many many many moons ago. Granted I really needed those pounds, way way too skinny, but seriously a lot of them have gotten huge and while I’m a supporter of body acceptance I am also a supporter of healthy lifestyle choices. Now a small percentage of them have health issues and I take that in consideration as well but with each passing year I watch so many of them them get larger and larger.

The second thing I notice is that so many people I went to school with seem to have found god after they have children. The ones that already “knew” god just found more of god after having a child. This leads me to one conclusion, or not really. God is hiding somewhere in the vaginal canal.

Being that I do not have one I can’t claim to be an expert but I started reading and researching human anatomy, especially the female anatomy, when I was in 5th grade. Hey what was a 5th grader supposed to do when you had read through all the books in the small public library…. Move to the college textbooks. On top of all that I’ve raised animals and seen births of animals, watched births of human children on videos, and let’s face it I’ve had partners that I’ve spent some time in between their legs. With all this I’ve never seen a divine light, heard a booming voice, or felt a presence come out of there.

Let’s face it. If that happened I would probably just become a hermit in the woods the first time it happened. Just how scary would that be? Your face down there and a deep booming voice and light hits you! No more playing. Game over man. Cashing out and staying away. That would just be too much. But really imagine that beaming light and booming voice…. No. Done. I need therapy now after that imagination session.

So what gives? Why is it that when people have children all of a sudden they go from questioning religion to finding god? Now it’s not everyone. I just see it a lot. I believe it is guilt and a feeling of “Oh shit I am responsible for another human now.” To me I see these people that did bad things, we all do, and they are suddenly like “I have to be more for this child! I must be the pinnacle of examples!” I don’t believe in that. I do not believe you need to be more for your child. I believe you need to be you in all your flawed glory.

So many parents try to hide what they did as a child. For years my grandparents raised my brothers and I. My grandfather never hid his past from me. He was the leader of a gang, fought regularly, drank, ran away from home, and you know what I respected the man more for this. I was very young when he started telling me these stories and I felt honored even then to be given the chance to see his soul. And I do that now with my fiancee’s children. I don’t hide who I am and what I was. There is no case for morality in this. Just honesty.

I believe another thing happens when someone has a child. I believe they fall back on how they were raised. So those that may have been Atheists that were in a Christian household smash themselves back into a mold that their parents were in. It makes me wonder how many truly believe. How much is it falling back on what is expected because there is no manual on raising a human so they fall back on a known instead of continuing with the unknown.

All and all it’s an amusing thing to watch. Believe if you will. Don’t believe if you will. Harm none with your beliefs, but don’t compromise yourself because that is what you think you should. And always watch out for the booming voice and beaming lights.