e knew what he did and he knew it wasn’t okay. Worst of all is I blamed myself and I still do for not knowing how it all happened, how my clothes came off, how I allowed my rebellion to lead me there, did he even use protection!?

Once he told me, I told him we needed to talk about our options in the event that I fell pregnant. The day he came over, he told me he’d kick me down the stairs if he had to. I told him to get the fuck out.

You knew what you were doing while you were doing it to me. Nobody rapes on accident. I am sending you this message so I can put the pain and shame I have been carrying where it belongs, with you. If I have to live the rest of my life as a victim of rape, you should have to live the rest of your life knowing you raped me.

I didn't tell anyone because he was from a well known violent gang of which whom I went to school with all the members including him every day. I was afraid he'd kill me and/or terrorize my family. I have not been right with men since that day.

The female cop got out of the car to talk to my friend, and I went inside the car to talk to the male cop, I remember not being able to explain my self properly, all I knew is that something was wrong , something bad has happend to me, hyperventilating I tried to explain the time line of events,

I tried collecting myself to text a friend to let them know where I was and what had happened, but I couldn't focus or coordinate myself. I have no idea how long I was in the washroom for. It couldn't have been for long, but what I can remember about that part of the night is that two people escorted me out the club through the back door away from my friends.

But when I woke up at 6AM him fingering me and trying to cram his dick inside me, I don’t think I consented to that. When I tried to roll over to the other side, to cross my legs, to avoid it as much as possible, I don’t think I consented to that. When he said “oh you don’t like that, huh” and continued, I really don’t think I consented to that.

It’s taken me a long time to even see my rape clearly. But I’m starting to share my story, because secrets lose their power when they’re out in the open. But I was raped and assaulted. And I was stalked.

How the fuck did I get in this situation? I was working really hard not to get this fucked. I worked so hard to not be a whore. Does this act make me a whore? A slut? I am a whore. I am a slut. Why the fuck did I even talk to this guy. Why the fuck did I get myself into this situation. This situation sucks. Not knowing anything sucks. I hate this. I will never know what really happened.

A few days ago I was watching this video where Cara Delevingne spoke about depression and she read out this beautiful poem she wrote and it really resonated with me. I have been reading a lot of articles on anxiety,

I hope this gets out to someone in a similar situation, who doubts themselves because their partner never gives clear answers. I used to fight, but I have become a coward. I hope to fight again one day.

He does not deserve to be able to continue this career of his without any action being held against him. He is the definition of a sexual pretador and should be seen as nothing short of it. He hurt me in more ways than I could’ve ever imagined. I wish for the life of me I would have never even met him. He is disgusting.

I woke up in the morning sore and covered in scrapes. My friends were all discussing the night before and my best friend said she couldn’t find me for like an hour and then she saw me coming out of the forest wearing pants that were way too big on me. She said I couldn’t even speak properly and I had stripes of blood on my cheeks. She immediately took me to take a morning after pill.

Three years ago I drank too much on New Years. I was put to bed by a friend at a house party. A guy came in. I knew who he was because I was pushing him away all night. He got on top of me. He tried to kiss me. I think I tried to push him off. I think I said stop. I think I said no. I was saying no to him all night. But he didn’t stop.

The When You're Ready Project is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories and have their voices heard, finding strength in one another. When you're ready to share your story, we will be here.