The Archenemy of Happiness

More is never enough.

I used to think that the main goal of American business was to make people happy. Create new products so consumers have a better quality of life. Add new bells and whistles to existing technologies to offer a more satisfying experience to the users.

I thought happiness was the objective. But the truth is just the opposite: billions of dollars are spent to figure out how to make us feel unhappy. And unless we understand the secret motivation behind the desire of marketers to make us feel discontented with what we have, we are going to fall victim to a never ending cycle of unhappiness.

I realized it recently when I heard a friend bemoaning his fate. Not too long ago, but almost a previous era in terms of technological innovation, he bought the new iPod. He was ecstatic. But it didn't last. What a shock to discover that there is now newer and better model on the market. His formerly beloved iPod is now an ancient relic. How could he possibly be happy with it?

Since new is always better, there is a very short window of time for anyone to feel satisfied with what they have. To make sure that the contentment of consumers is very quickly terminated, there is a multibillion dollar industry whose purpose is solely the systematic propagation of unhappiness: advertising. Its goal, as admitted by advertising guru B. Earl Puckett, is summed up in this succinct credo: "It is our job to make men and women unhappy with what they have."

The "game" of creating unhappiness is a multifaceted industry. We can perhaps see it best in the world of fashion.

Big business brainwashes consumers to believe that they need more.

Oscar Wilde once said, "Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." Why do fashions change so quickly? One week you're an outcast if you're not wearing a certain kind of sneakers. The next week, you're a geek if you haven't switched to another brand. Why must you constantly have something else?

Because big business needs consumers, so consumers have to be brainwashed to believe that they need more – something newer, something better, something that will finally make us happy when we get it.

Of course once we buy it the cycle starts all over again.

Why do we go along with this? Why do we buy into a belief that is virtually guaranteed to make us unhappy since there will always be something newer that we don't yet have?

Because we've bought into the notion that happiness comes from having more, instead of the brilliant insight of the Talmudic sages that "Who is rich? One who is content with his portion."

More is never the answer. More has no limits. More seduces us with the unspoken promise of contentment when its very premise is that you dare not be happy with what you already have. If more is the goal, when can you possibly say you've achieved it? No matter where you're at in life more will still beckon you, using its stock in trade argument that you can't possibly be happy as long as there are still things that you don't possess.

In the old film Key Largo, Edward G. Robinson, in the role that defined him, plays a gangster whose life is filled with violence and deceit. In the film he holds a family hostage. Someone asks him what makes him want to live this kind of life but try as he might Robinson can't answer this question. So one of the hostages, played by Humphrey Bogart, suggests an answer: "I know what you want. You want more." Robinson's face brightens as he says, "Yeah! That's it! That's what I want. I want more."

Fast forward more than half a century and hear how the same theme is repeated in Oliver Stone’s "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps," capturing what motivates those who are ready to destroy their friends and their families in pursuit of unlimited wealth. In a meeting between the young Jake (Shia LaBeouf) and the megalomaniac, Bretton James (Josh Brolin), Jake puts the question to Bretton, who has already caused the suicide of a competitor and the destruction of another firm with false rumors, "So what is your number?”

When Bretton doesn't understand, Jake explains that everyone has a really far out number that represents total success, the ability to get out of the race knowing that he is now the victor. “So what's your number,” Jake repeats. Bretton considers and after a few moments of silence responds with one word: "More.”

The desire for more is our contemporary idol – and we worship it at our own peril.

Sadly, we transfer the idea that only something newer and different will bring us joy into our personal lives as well.

We can replace our insatiable demand for more with the awareness that we have more than enough.

Countless studies have shown that the secret of happy marriages is the ability to feel contentment with their partners in spite of the lack of perfection. True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. My father would tell people that he had the most beautiful wife, the best cook in the world, the greatest mother to his children. Did he really believe that my mother was truly the most outstanding woman in the world? Yes, he did, because he chose to ignore her faults and overemphasize her qualities. He wasn't interested in more. He knew that the woman he married was a gift from God.

The divorce rate today is testament to the results of worshipping more. “Why should I be satisfied with this person if there might be someone newer or better out there? I could have more than I have now.”

Believing that more automatically leads to joy condemns us to an endless pursuit as we ignore those parts of life that really give it meaning and joy.

But we can stop being the creators of our unhappiness by replacing our insatiable demand for more with the awareness that we have more than enough.

Kurt Vonnegut and novelist Joseph Heller were once talking at a party hosted by a billionaire hedge fund manager. Vonnegut pointed out that their wealthy host had made more money in one day than Heller ever made from his celebrated novel Catch-22.

Heller responded, "Yes, but I have something he will never have: enough.”

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About the Author

Rabbi Benjamin Blech, a frequent contributor to Aish, is a Professor of Talmud at Yeshiva University and an internationally recognized educator, religious leader, and lecturer. Author of 14 highly acclaimed books with combined sales of over a half million copies, his newest, The World From A Spiritual Perspective, is a collection of over 100 of his best Aish articles. See his website at www.benjaminblech.com.

Visitor Comments: 21

(17)
Danny Frankel,
October 6, 2013 11:29 AM

You must have voted for Obama!

Rabbi, you have fallen prey to the socialist notion that business is the cause of all of our ills. Try to imagine a world where nobody buys things; our economy would come to a standstill & all progress would cease. And who would support your organization? Acquiring things is a drive like all other drives: OK in moderation. Even in our Torah, the wealth of our Ovaus is measured by the amount of sheep they had! I recommend you read Ayn Rand's brilliant book "Atlas Shrugged" to see what the world would look like if all the successful people went on strike!

(16)
Wen,
September 30, 2013 3:18 PM

Happienss - You earn what you need. Be grateful you don't get what you want.

If you are on the path to earning what you need you will find contentment & happiness. This happiness may be where and when you least expect it. I try some days to be grateful I didn't get what I want! I used to think wants were OK as long as they would never hurt anyone. I would have become Very unhappy quickly if I got what I wanted in the past. When I was growing up and even in my 20s I didn't watch commercials or read ads. I was content! I minimized any message of what was missing or what material goodies I needed to acquire or how I should look. Corporate America doesn't know that I know what's best for myself. What I need to buy for my family & myself. They no longer tell me what I should look like. I tell myself when I'm happy & who I'm happy with. I give our Rabbi a lot of credit for "my seeing the light. " I always heard him speak, but mostly importantly I took most of it in. I did NOT take what I wanted & throw out the rest! I took all he said & applied AS Much As Possible to my family and myself. And when it made me cry I knew that it was working & it was going very deep! You can take this or leave it. If I were you I would not throw out what could work very well for you too! Hope this has helped you and may you have a blessed year!

(15)
roger,
September 30, 2013 11:11 AM

great but one request

A great article Rabbi and I appreciate your wisdom. I just have one suggestion: It doesn't to blame part of this phenomenon on "big business". First of all, small businesses advertise too. Second, I think it is at best an exaggeration to say that the sole purposes of advertising is to make people feel unhappy nor is it true that advertising "brainwashes" people. I'm sure you can think of many products that genuinely improved your life which you would not have known of without advertising. For example, right now I'm reading a book about the history of the middle east which Iearned about through an ad. Of course, I was not "brainwashed" by this ad. And I would not have known about his book (from which I am learning a lot) without the ad. The book has made my life more meaningful and interesting but not because the ad made me think I was unhappy without the book. I agree with your point that much of secular consumer society is focused on material consumption and that this is part of why people are unhappy. But I don't think blaming one group of people "big business" is necessary to make this point. That argument might even lead one to conclude that we could reduce unhappiness by somehow getting rid of "big business". An argument blaming others tends to discourage the reader from looking inward at what he or she can do to improve. But I still enjoyed this article and agree very much your main point. Thank you.

(14)
Jaya,
September 30, 2013 6:26 AM

Needs not wishes !

An excellent and relevant article . If only we looked at how rich we really were we would enjoy more and long less ! If only we knew what we truly needed rather than wanted we would feel rich beyond belief.

(13)
Bernice Greenberg,
September 30, 2013 3:17 AM

You can't buy happiness.

Happiness is not something you can hold in your hand, wear on your body, park in the garage, build to specifications, find in foreign places or photograph. Happiness lies within. It is the greatest gift we can have. We can share it, but we cannot create it for anyone else.

(12)
SusanE,
September 29, 2013 8:46 PM

Really really Important Stuff.

Barry Schwartz had a TED talk on "The Paradox of Choice" several years ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO6XEQIsCoM It bears listening to again along with Rabbi Blechs' observation. It is an incredibly important topic. The talk changed the way I made decisions. Thanks Rabbi Blech for bringing this to everyone's attention.

(11)
mshell7,
March 26, 2011 1:35 PM

Jealousy

I think it actually stems from jealousy which is a derivative of greed.
There should never be a situation where someone feels entitled to what is not theirs or to what they have not earned personally. And there should never be a reason not to pursue those things on your own. It is better to share lives with those around us, but it is still only a choice. But when sharing between each other is NOT enough that is when greed and the criminal element come to the surface. Entitlement.
When a person, or persons want what someone else has and does not appreciate what they have and what they have earned nothing is ever enough. This is where crime comes from essentially.

(10)
derik,
March 23, 2011 3:00 PM

excellent artice - - and see this on "More Choice"

See this on the "Paradox of Choice" - - how "more" is not necessarily better! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO6XEQIsCoM&feature=related

(9)
Malki Hockman,
March 23, 2011 12:13 PM

Excellent Article

Spread the word!

(8)
Al Hubbard,
March 22, 2011 3:19 PM

Yes!!

I have never understood why some people seem to always be in search of that they cannot have. I have seen families torn apart because one spouse cannot see what they have and instead seek what they think they should have. Excellent article.

(7)
Sally,
March 21, 2011 6:51 PM

how do I go back into contentment?

I'd like to ask the Rabbi, how can I get my family back on track? We are observant jews, (kosher home, shomer shabat, but we eat dairy in non kosher rest.), and very affluent, with housekeepers to do everything for us. I'm always concerned about my kid's discontent. they'll go thru 3 phones in the time I go thru one...Social status plays big on all this luxury, and I find myself trapped in being forced to have the best and latest items available. We have 4 kids ages 15-24. How can I start implementing new values at this stage?

adrian firth,
March 23, 2011 10:22 PM

give them less

give them less

Jennifer,
March 25, 2011 3:24 AM

Volunteer

Spend time together doing physical volunteer work. Give time, not money & observe & feel how others live differently. Our children have always done volunteer work... they go to school, arts, sports & volunteer-ism. They just believe it is part of life, and feel great being part of a solution. "Stuff' becomes much less important, and they & their relationships are stronger for it!

Gwen,
September 29, 2013 5:19 PM

Be their example

And start with giving yourself less, and helping others. If you don't demonstrate it first, all you are teaching your children is hypocrisy

Anonymous,
September 30, 2013 3:31 PM

Glad you asked

Ask yourself if social status matters and why.Ask what has changed and what should be changed. Do your think your kids live a true torah life if you have excessive material wants and needs???!!!!! And be greatful for what you can afford. I know so many Jews who don't have a babysitter , let alone a nanny. I know so many Jews who cannot afford an iPhone. Some Jews are struggling just to afford a Dr. I know Jews who haven't been able to afford a vacation in any where between 4-9 yrs.My best friend hasn't been on vacation since she was married 7 yrs ago. Think about what you can do to volunteer too! Maybe something here will strike a chord for you.

(6)
Sarah,
March 21, 2011 5:53 PM

some thoughts for the day. please read
enjoy!

(5)
Linda Lenck,
March 21, 2011 5:18 PM

Corporate ladder/Jacob's Ladder

Excellent article. Many years ago when I was single and just starting out in the advertising field, my friend was an engineer at a major car company. He was offered a promotion but he didn't take it. I couldn't understand his thinking. I was busy working my way up the corporate ladder. He was married with 2 young children and he said his family was his goal. I argued that he could give his family "more" with the pay increase and potential for future advancement. It was the 80's and I was on my way to break the "glass ceiling". Fortunately some years later I learned about a different ladder - Jacob's ladder. I just reread Parashas Vayeizei. Thank you for reminding me.

(4)
Joseph Rapaport,
March 21, 2011 11:36 AM

The Tenth Commandment

This very practical application of the Tenth Commandment resonates with everyone.
Lifestyle choices are driven by these dynamics
and the words of Pirkeh Avot tell us that "he is truly
happy who is content with his portion".

(3)
Sharon,
March 21, 2011 8:49 AM

Ironically...

The one thing people seem to feel they have enough of is children!

(2)
ruth housman,
March 21, 2011 8:33 AM

when enough IS enough

It is true, we are junkies for "more", for what's next, for what's around the corner, and life teaches us that there's always something around the corner. We see something amazing, a work of art, and we want to have it, or a new item of clothing, so beautiful, or a new whatever, and then, after a while, it gets so old, and we need a new "hit".You are right. We seem to have this insatiable demand for, MORE.
I would rather spend that more looking at ourselves, at Nature itself, within and without, because we can never plumb That miracle and there is always something new to discover, a starfish, something iridescent, a twinkling new star, the newest words from a child's lips.
We don't realize how much we all have and we're all reaching for something MORE. There is MORE in the word, AMORE, that is about LOVE, and I say, don't make it trivial, go for MORE in a big way, meaning learn LOVE, learn to realize it's all here for the taking, just express it and it will come and keep coming.

(1)
Rita Silverman,
March 20, 2011 12:41 PM

well said!

Another fabulous article and so true, relevant, and important in this day and age of never Enough...

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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