Dec 1, 2011

Needed a Laugh...

Yeah, still working some stuff out. Should be ready in a couple days... or tomorrow... whenever. In the meantime, thought I’d share this with you. I always thought it was kind of funny, so... maybe you will too. This is transcribed pretty much word for word from Onewinged’s notes.

~June 26, 2010

Had an encounter today. Little different from the norm.

Parents are out of town for a day or two. Going to see a lawyer again. Trying to get the inheritance shit resolved. 3lderly lawyer. Some kind of senile old dumbass. Hasn’t been sending out the right forms.

Sister’s out with friends. So just me and the house. And all the fucking cats.

No biggie though. I can handle it all. Probably better this way. Less chance of involvement. For a day or two at least.

Mom wanted me to water her flowers while she was gone. Has a whole patch of em out back in the fucking treeline leading into the woods. Fun fun, right?

Ran into a skunk out there once doing that shit. Kind of funny actually. She puts food out there for all the dumb animals that come up at night. Just sat there munching away. Not five feet from where I was standing. Pissing water out of a hose. But hey, I don’t bother him, he don’t bother me.

So I’m out there watering these things when I notice something out of the corner of my eye. Black and white. Just sorta... There.

Would’ve probably given my left testicle for another skunk.

So I turn my head and there He is. Just fucking standing there. Not ten feet from me. Nobody else around to see. Just Him and me. Me and Him.

Fuck.

Would have probably been more bothered. Him being so close. Looming over me with that stupid. Dumb. Head. But I guess we’ve been down this road a few too many times before. Barely fucking phased me.

So I turn back to what I was doing. He’s not bothering me, so maybe if I just ignore Him, He’ll kindly fuck off after a while like the skunk did.

Figured it’d be a bad idea to run. Think M said something about that. Running just attracts attention. Confirms you’re aware of His presence. So I just chilled out and rolled with it for a while. Waterin mah flowers. Chillin with Slendy. No big deal. I got this.

But then I had to get a terrible idea. A wonderfully beautifully awful idea. I knew better. I knew better when I thought the same thing with the skunk. But this was different. I knew what the skunk would do to me. But Him?

Curiosity.

Fuck Curiosity.

So I tried. Really. I tried. But I couldn’t help myself.

So I do this little slow turn. This little flick of the wrist. And I sprayed down the Slender Man with the fucking water hose.

I remember giggling about that. I remember seeing the water splash over Him. I remember watching the little droplets roll off of His stupid little suit. I don’t think He really liked it though. I’m not sure though.

Because I don’t really remember anything after that.

I just sort of woke up. In what I assume had only been a couple of minutes later. And I was laying about twenty feet from where I’d previously been standing. The water hose just lying in the middle of the lawn, still running water everywhere. Had this tremendous headache. But He was gone when I came around. That much was good at least.

Still dunno how I got over there though. Maybe He reacted and I ran and just didn’t make it very far before He mind-fucked me to dreamland. Maybe He moved me there and I don’t remember it. Or maybe He tentacle bitch-slapped me across the yard. I dunno. Any of the above is plausible I guess.

Finished up the garden and got the fuck back inside. Not trying that again.

Really. Don’t think I’d recommend it for testing. Maybe make note of it though. Find a scapegoat or something. Yeah.

For some reason, my blogger does not seem to like your blog. Which is sad, because you are an interesting one to read. The wonders of modern technology, eh?

That said, in response to an earlier post: you're right to assume I'm completely insane and to take everything I say with a grain of salt. After all, even the eyewitness accounts of the people I've been with are accounts from people who...well, wouldn't do well on any test to prove sanity.

Keep in mind though, the vast majority of what I do that doesn't involve mucking about with unstable areas of the universe and the continually degrading barrier between worlds/veil between realities... is mostly a matter of psychology. I'm here to take care of the community's soul, with the whole Shaman Thing. At least, that's the idea. I try harder. I think my advice does more than any crazy shenanigans I'll ever pull.