I’m Being Pressured Into Placing. What Should I Do?

Ultimately, it needs to be you who makes the final decision.

Lindsey Olsen
June 21, 2017

Regardless of what stance you have on your own unplanned pregnancy, feeling pressured into a decision can be confusing and uncomfortable, especially when you disagree with what you’re being pressured to do. Ultimately, it needs to be you who makes the final decision. You are the sole person who has to deal with your decision for the rest of your life. Others may be affected, but this is your child, and as the mother need to do what you feel is right. However, there may be people who try and pressure you to do what they think is right, either for you, your child, or both. Nevertheless, it needs to be your decision. Everyone else can go on with their day after a decision has been made, but you have to feel the consequences of your choice (even if you allow someone else to make the decision for you).

The hardest part about making big life choices is knowing that there are people you care about that may oppose what you decide to do. You value their thoughts and opinions, but they go against what you feel is best. What do you do in that situation? I say you stick to your guns and do what you know to be right for your child. If you think it’s best to place, then place your child with a family you think will do the best job at raising and loving your child. If you think you should parent, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise and you parent that child, doing the best you can everyday to taken care of them. It’s never easy to feel like you’re standing alone in your decisions, especially ones this important. But you need to be able to live with yourself no matter what you decide.

When I was pregnant with my son, I was being pressured by some very prominent people in my life. I was screamed at, I was threatened, I was ostracized, and I was made to feel like I was going to ruin my child if I didn’t listen. Let me attest that all of those opposing voices were wrong. Their loud and ignorant voices could not shake my subtle but firm knowledge of what was right for my son.

This is not to say you should disregard all opinions or completely ignore everyone’s thoughts. It’s generally very beneficial to hear other people’s thoughts and opinions, as they may see things from a different perspective or from different circumstances that can help you make an educated choice. They might have conjured up something you didn’t consider. They may even have similar experiences they can share to help you understand some of the repercussions of your choice. But again, I can’t say it enough, it should be your decision.

If I may be blunt: if you are mature enough to make the decision to have sex in unfavorable circumstances, you should be mature enough to make this kind of decision for your child. There are several circumstances where that does not apply. However, choice still must be made. Even if you did not choose the situation you’re now in, neither did the child you’ve conceived. SInce you are the mother of that child, I would urge you to pray, meditate, seek council from those you trust and those who can objectively guide you as to what may happen should you choose any of the available options. Do whatever is necessary to come to a decision you feel is best for your child. It doesn’t have to be what is best for someone else’s child. The choice affects your child, not theirs. This is not their child, he or she is yours. And as long as you do the best you can to give your baby what your baby needs, he or she will thank you for it.

Lindsey Olsen

Lindsey Olsen is a birth mother from sunny California, where she currently lives with her husband Steve (also referred to as Bud). She loves singing, going for walks in warm weather, looking out the passenger side window on long road trips, and eating. . .everything. Her favorite things are her family, her faith, her cowboy boots, and food. She has aspirations of becoming a marriage and family counselor so she can help other birth mothers find confidence, comfort, and beauty in their identities as the amazing women they are.

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