Man was abroad when his wife delivered a boy. He phone his wife, “How is the kid doing, darling?”
WIFE: “Same like you.”
MAN: “The same complexion?”
WIFE: “No.”
MAN: “The same eyes?”
WIFE:” No.”
MAN: “Then what is it?”
WIFE: “He didn’t take his hands off my breasts.. ”

When a woman called 911 complaining of difficult breathing, a paramedic rushed to her house. One placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen level. Then he began to gather her information.“What’s your age?” he asked.
“58,” answered the patient, eyeing the device on her finger. “What does that do?”“It’s a lie detector,” said the paramedic with a straight face. “Now, what did you say your age was?”“Sixty eight,” replied the woman sheepishly.