“Mom, Jay keeps calling me a nerd. Just so you know…if he calls me a nerd again, I’m probably going to beat him up.” Will-10

“Mom, Will is being mean to me for no reason. He said he’s going to beat me up. Just so you know…if he doesn’t stop, I’m probably going to throw something at him.” Jay-8

Dear Reader, just so you know…I do not condone violence. However, do you prefer mustard or mayo on your knuckle sandwich? And, would you care to wash it down with something cold? I’ll be having my sandwich with a tall glass of whatever I can find in the liquor cabinet. Cheers!

Have you thought of boxing gloves? Give ’em both exercise and a chance to burn off both energy and frustration, with a minimum of possible damage.
Alternately, if your neighborhood have a decent-sized lawn, I can get you one of those old, clunky reel mowers, the ones that spin the blades when you push it. Have your neighbors offer them money to mow their lawns. The kids have the incentive of money, and they’ll be so tired, they won’t be able to throw anything more dangerous than a few insults!

John, I like your ideas. Maybe we’ll set up a boxing ring in the center of our neighborhood. When summertime togetherness gets to be too much, parents can send their children into the ring to “duke it out” in a safe environment. The winner gets a blue freeze pop. 😉