There’s a Good Chance Some Star You Can’t Stand Is in ‘New Year’s Eve’

Tim Grierson

Editor

The ProjectorJanuary 27, 2011

More terrifying than anything in 'The Rite.' Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Among our critical colleagues, it's nearly heresy to admit that we didn't absolutely hate "Valentine's Day," last year's L.A. ensemble romantic comedy that starred, uh, everybody. Now, that's not the same as saying that we liked the film, but it's the sort of mediocre movie that's more instantly forgettable than aggressively obnoxious or hateful. (Trust us, these sorts of differences can mean a lot.) Still, the fact that director Garry Marshall is making another holiday-themed ensemble film doesn't make us remotely happy. And with each new casting announcement, we die a little more inside.

The latest "exclusives!" are that Ice Cube and Ryan Seacrest have signed on for the film, which follows a bunch of different folks in New York City on December 31. (It'll open in December, of course.) As for the rest of the cast? Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Jon Bon Jovi, Abigail Breslin, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, Ashton Kutcher, Seth Meyers, Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michelle Pfeiffer, Til Schweiger, Hilary Swank and Sofia Vergara are all going to be in this movie. Not exactly the cast of a Robert Altman film, is it? (Also: What does it say that we're not remotely shocked that De Niro is in something like this?) Like "Valentine's Day," this new movie is sure to be fizzy and goofy and somewhat heartwarming and will feature the city's most obvious tourist attractions. No critic will like it, and it'll make a lot of money regardless.

We have to tip our hat to The Playlist, which perfectly expressed our mixture of depression and annoyance about the continued existence of this film. "We can't remember the last movie where each casting announcement made us dread a movie more and more," the site's Kevin Jagernauth wrote about the Cube/Seacrest news, later concluding with "Please, no more casting news, we're getting dumber by the minute writing about this." We hear you, Kevin. But can we end on one incredibly dopey plot revelation we just discovered? Kutcher is going to be playing the same character he did in "Valentine's Day." Now that we know this, we'll spend the rest of the evening trying to remember exactly what happened to his character in the last movie. Whatever it was, we're sure it was adorable.