A few thoughts and experiences on being a British born Chinese mum; the trials and tribulations of bringing up my girls generally, and for them to appreciate and embrace the Chinese half of their heritage ... And if you have a spare moment, why not read my biographies, they are updated on a regular basis...

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Friday, 8 March 2013

My husband often accuses me of living in the Victorian era and it is true that when bringing up children I do have a rather traditional mindset. However, I do not adopt many of those archaic practices myself, no matter how much I would love to!

Many a time I have wished that I could leave my child screaming her head off at the bottom of the garden when she decides to throw a tantrum, leaving her to her own devices until she comes to her senses and realises that she is at fault. But I do not for fear of being accused of neglect. Instead, I send her to her room where she wails to her heart's content and subjects the entire house to her incessant screaming. If walls truly did have ears, then I'm sure the entire structure of the house would crumble at the sound of her voice when throws herself into a fit.

Upon receiving insolent remarks from the mouth of such a small child I would have loved to have swatted her across the face to show her who's boss, but I do not because violence breeds violence. I do not condone regular abusive behaviour but when a child constantly disrepects their elders and speaks down to those who take care of them as if they are of even less worth than a slave then drastic action needs to be taken to let that child know who is in charge.

Many times my daughter has displayed the "princess syndrome". She speaks to her parents as if she is entitled to everything she asks for. Even when she asks for something, the way she expresses herself is more of a demand than a request. The tone of her voice suggests that she believes that we, as her parents are her subjects that must do her every bidding.

I am fed up with this and partly blame myself for not being strong enough to stand up to my husband and discipline her in the way that I thought fit from the beginning. He always believed that was I too strict, constantly telling her off for doing things that she should not be doing. "Kids are kids, that's what they do" he would say. Yes, that's what they do, they do things they shouldn't be doing and should be told as such. That is how they learn right from wrong. To let them get on with it is just telling them that it is OK to do what they should not be doing.

In the end, I got fed up with him telling me how to bring her up, I told him that he wants the softly softly approach then he would live to regret it. And now that she is 7 she is everything I do not want in a daughter - disrespectful, insolent, bad mannered, argumentative and downright rude, to point that, once again, I have been thinking of killing myself just to get away from her!!!

As a small child, my mother often beat me and my brother with a stick and for reasons that I did not fully understand. I never believed that I was truly naughty in the way that some some children. and indeed my daughter, are now. Back then, something said the wrong way or in the wrong tone resulted in a smack. This taught me to respect my parents and if I did not want my bare behind to be beaten by that stick again then I would have to speak and behave in such a way so that I would never see that thing again!

At school children were reprimanded by being made to stand in the corner so the entire class would look at them and know that they had done wrong. When you were being told off, the teacher ensured that whole class could hear. You were made an example of and that does not happen anymore.

Unfortunately, modern methods of discipline does not work with my child and certainly reasoning has no effect because at such a young age a child really does not, or pretend they do not, understand what is being said to them. Reasoning falls on deaf ears and she would behave much better if we took a much harsher approach.

Quite often, I have often looked up to heaven and thought why is my child so awful, wishing that I could discipline her in the same way that my mum had disciplined me. My child needs strict discipline and that way she would respect authority much more.

Then I get to school and look at all the other children in the playground and think thank goodness she is not as bad as any of those!!

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About Me

I am married with 2 beautiful girls 5 years apart. I am Chinese, was born and brought up in this country but never spoke English until I went to school. I hope that my children will one day be able to speak Cantonese too