Washington State: When a man attempted
to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more
than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up
next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges,
saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Georgia: Investigating a purse snatching, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect carefully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed".

Kentucky: Two men
tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine
to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the
machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the
scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their
bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still
attached to the bumper.

South Carolina: A man walked into a local
police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk
sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to
him be arrested immediately.

Indiana: A man walked up to a
cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the
cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the
court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

(Location
Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery,
and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd
forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

(Location Unknown): A man
walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all
the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the
cash from the clerk and fled--leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total
amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

Real Excerpts from Court Transcripts &
Depositions

The following are 37
questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials or at
depositions and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

"Now doctor, isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?"

"The youngest son, the twenty-year
old, how old is he?"

"Were you present when your
picture was taken?"

"Were you alone or by yourself?"

"Was it you or your younger
brother who was killed in the war?"

"Did he kill you?"

"How far apart were the vehicles
at the time of the collision?"

"You were there until the time you
left, is that true?"

"How many times have you committed
suicide?"

Q: "So the date of conception (of
the baby) was August 8th?" A: "Yes."Q:
"And what were you doing at that time?"

Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."Q: "Were there any girls?"

Q: "You say that the stairs went
down to the basement?"A: "Yes." Q: "And
these stairs, did they go up also?"

Q: "Mr. Slattery, you went on a
rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"A: "I went to
Europe, Sir."Q: "And you took your new wife?"

Q: "How was your first marriage
terminated?"A: "By death."Q: "And by who's
death was it terminated?"

Q: "Can you describe the
individual?" A: "He was about medium height and had a
beard."Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"

Q: "Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have
you performed on dead people?" A: "All my autopsies
are performed on dead people."

Q: "And lastly, all your responses
must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"A:
"Oral."Q. How old are you? A.
Oral.

Q: "Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?" A: "The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.." Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy."

Q. The truth of the matter is that
you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the
fracas? A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the
fracas and the naval.

Q: "Are you qualified to give a
urine sample?" A: "I have been since early
childhood."

Q: "Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"A:
"No."Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for breathing?" A: "No." Q: "So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" A:
"No."Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law somewhere."

Q. Have you lived in this town all
your life? A. Not yet.

Q. You don't know what it was, and
you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q. So you were gone until you
returned?

Q. Could you see him from where you
were standing? A. I could see his head. Q.
And where was his head? A. Just above his
shoulders.

Q. What is the meaning of sperm
being present?A. It indicates intercourse.Q. Male sperm? A. That is the only kind I
know.

Q. How long have you been a French
Canadian?

Q. Do you drink when you're on
duty? A. I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I
come on duty drunk.

Q. ...any suggestions as to what
prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A. The victim lived.

Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm
divorced.Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.

Q. Were you acquainted with the
deceased? A. Yes, sir.Q. Before or after
he died?

Q. When he went, had you gone and
had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the
restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you
and she, with him to the station? MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should
be taken out and shot.