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Idealist - I hope you have a great time! It sounds exciting - what a brave step you are taking for yourself!

I am very intrigued about this and can't wait to hear how it turns out!

Kat

__________________

“There is only one world, the world pressing against you at this minute. There is only one minute in which you are alive, this minute here and now. The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle."

Turns out, the guy's office is right next door to my business! And he and I have worked for the same company in the past. Right after I left, he started working there. I was there for 8 years and he was there for 12 years, so we know a whole lot of the same people!!

She is an introvert and he an extrovert. They have been living an open lifestyle for about 4 years. It doesn't sound like they have had a lot of drama. They only told one story about getting to know a couple for a year before becoming sexual. When the guy from the other couple claimed his wife was "ready" for a sexual encounter, this couple gently began to become intimate with her and she basically lost it and stormed out of the house followed by her husband.

I told them that this was my first official date with a couple. They seemed pleased and seemed to believe that they are in fact the perfect "first couple" for me!! She shared that their first date with another couple was perfect for her!

We had dinner and one drink each. We talked as if we have known each other all our lives. Then, we went to their house for about an hour. He took photos of she and I sitting on the sofa. She sat close to me, so I put my arm around her and we put our heads together to pose. She smelled nice and her hair is beautiful and thick....which I told her!!! I took the liberty to play with her hair which she seemed to enjoy. I will post that photo to my album!!

That's it for now!! I'm happy. I feel very peaceful tonight and as if I am understood. I don't feel so isolated!!!

__________________ The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Wow……OMG. I just had one of the most incredible nights of my life and I owe it partially to this group. I owe it to myself too and to Charles and Richard. But reading posts on this forum has helped me to realize that I deserve as much love as I can experience and I deserve to share that love. I have also realized and come to accept that the people I love might be able and willing to share me and share a love with each other in their own way.
If it wasn’t for the people on this forum, I would never have made the request of Richard and Charles that I made of them last night.
Let me start from the beginning.

Richard and I decided to have a few couples over to my house for dinner, dancing and fun! Charles was already over here helping me with things around the house. Holland (Charles’s primary partner) has been having a hard time dealing with the poly lifestyle, so we all agreed that we didn’t want to invite her. We did want Charles to stay, however. He told Holland about the party and that he wanted to stay for the party. She said “okay” but didn’t ask if she could attend, so we just left it like that. This morning he told her all about it and I sent photos for her to look at. He said she was okay with everything. I think she just needs some time and a bit of distance from things so she can deal with things at her own pace. (We have decided not to hold up things for the slowest person.)

Anyway….the party was great fun. I had an opportunity to have casual sex with a man I had just met and I turned it down because I wasn’t interested in it. But that’s another discussion and I’ll post about it elsewhere.
So- the evening ended and it was back to me, Richard and Charles. We all cleaned up the kitchen and talked for over an hour about what all had transpired at the party.

It was getting time to go to bed and the question was in the air of who would sleep with me and who would sleep in the guest bedroom. There was no answer for that in my mind. I wasn’t comfortable with one of them being in the guest bedroom and probably wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing one of them was in there and one with me.

So- I asked if we could all sleep in my bedroom. They both know how picky I am about having the left side of the bed where I have my lamp, clock, book, water, earplugs etc. So- the question they both had was “Who would sleep where” so I said “Me in the middle, of course!”

I said “If anyone wakes up with a hard on, please insert it”….. OMG…..It took me about 45 minutes to get to sleep while I held my earplugs in my hand and listened to each of them snore in their own way! I was so happy and just thrilled. For a while there I was scared I wouldn’t be able to sleep at all due to the excitement of having them there with me. They get along so good too and enjoy each other’s company so much! Charles did wake me up and oblige my request and then we went back to sleep.

We woke up and Richard asked if I remembered how to make the homemade waffles we used to make (back in the days when we were in a monogamous relationship and spent a lot of time together). I said- sure but we needed a few items. Charles volunteered to go to the grocery store. It’s quite a production, but they sat at the bar and we talked and shared and laughed while I made the waffles. The last 3 waffles are always the best, so I made a whole batch, but waited until the end before serving the perfect waffles which were crispy on the outside, but very soft…they just melted in your mouth! It was awesome to be able to share the morning with them after a night with them!!

So……for those who have shared that you made a request of your lovers to sleep in the same bed with you (even if it was only for one night)- Thanks for helping me understand it’s okay.

And, for those of you who haven’t realized it may be okay to ask for something like this, I say- it is possible!!! And it's awesome!!! Go for it if you can!!!

__________________ The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Well, the most unexpected thing happened last night. I’m still trying to process how I feel about it. Charles asked me this morning and I said “I need some time to process how I feel” The main feeling I have is surprise. I wasn’t expecting it at all, so it caught me off guard. I like feeling that I’m in control of everything- not only myself, but everyone around me. I work on that and try not to do it, but it’s my nature. When someone behaves in a very different manner than what I’m expected, it throws me off.

I have struggled with this relationship with Holland because I find her relationship with Charles to be dysfunctional. But….nevertheless (because I care about Charles and I want him in my life) I asked Charles and Holland if they would like to spend the night at my house last night so we could start getting ready for a party I’m having tonight. I thought we could cook some Lasagna and start re-arranging the furniture……I want to create a dance floor in the living room. Also, they got me a really nice used foosball table and I wanted to set it up in the house.

So- they said “sure” and came over. Before you know it, they were playing around on the sofa and Holland said “Come here- I want you over here with us. I know this is what the two of you have been wanting, so get over here.” Well, there wasn’t room on the sofa for all of us, so I said let’s go in the bedroom. We did and ended up having a wonderful love making session between the three of us before going to sleep and again this morning.
It’s just something I was not expecting, so I guess I’m still in shock. There is a chance now that the two of them with me and Richard can have some type of quad relationship since Holland and Richard have already been intimate a few times.

I wanted to post this and now I will start cleaning house and getting things ready for tonight. They went to her Dad’s house to celebrate Father’s day early. They’ll be back later to help get ready for the party. Richard will be here as well as two other couples tonight.

I had mentioned on a prior post that I ran into some business associates (a married couple) at a club one night and found out that they are in a relationship with another couple. Well, I called the couple that I know and invited them to the party tonight. I always liked this couple when we were working together. So they are coming as well as the couple I went out with and talked about on my 25th blog post!!
So, life is just too exciting for me right now……I am lost for words as to how I feel, but I will be able to share more after this evening’s party and after having a few days to process things.

Thanks to all who continue to read my blog. Although I have only been "out" as poly for 3 or 4 months, I have really taken to the lifestyle as if I have been working towards this all my life. I am happy to offer support to anyone who is struggling with poly issues…..please reply to this entry or send me a private message if you would like to communicate.

__________________ The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Well....it didn't go exactly like I would have hoped (with the 4 couples) but in general, it was a good experience. I did get to spend some quality time with one couple that I like a lot. They are professional people. Very attractive. And interesting.....fun to talk to and I really enjoyed dancing and flirting with both of them! They had a lot of questions for me. I liked the questions which (to me) indicated a real interest.

There was only one drama which was very uncomfortable for me and actually unacceptable, so it has made me really sit down and talk to myself!!

Who is the me that has to talk and who is the myself that needs to listen?? Crazy. But- I have to do some serious talking to myself. I will do that in my next post.

Thanks for being there Ari and commenting on my blog!

__________________ The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Thank you for your honesty and for just showing me that what I feel and experience is not all different. I am in a poly relationship for two years and I really enjoy it. We have our moments like any relationship does but I am very happy to be here with them. So Thanks for your openness

Idealist Poly Blog Part 28- We have met twelve couples in the last 3 weeks.

It has been a while since I have written, so I have a lot of catching up to do!! This will truly make your head spin and I can’t believe I’m living through this right now!!!.....so here goes.

Richard and I decided to spend some time and energy pursuing other couples in order to find some new friends for socializing and emotional connections which can evolve into sexual relationships.

We joined an online dating site for swingers on June 1st. We made it clear on our profile that we are looking for more than just recreational sex. We desire new friends and social companions also.

We weren’t getting the type of response that we were hoping for, but we did meet 2 couples from that site, which I did share about already. We are still in touch with one of the couples and then we changed to another site on June 14th.

We had two “play parties” at my house. There were 8 people at each one. I had an opportunity to have “casual sex” (whatever that is LOL) but turned it down.

Then, on June 14th, we joined a different site and we have already been on 10 first dates with 10 different couples from that site. Plus we attended a Pool Party that we were invited to and it was fun as we ended up with about 20 people naked in the pool!!!

This is a breakdown of the couples we’ve met. The male’s initial will be given first.

G&L- drove in to attend a party at my house consisting of 7 people. L and Richard ended up having sex with each other, but everyone else just stayed with the person they had come with…..all in the same room.

M&C- I met them for dinner on a week night and then they attended a party at my house attended by 8 people. C and Richard along with two other guests went into the GBR to play while me and the remaining guests socialized in the LR.

B&C- attended the above mentioned party. I socialized with them and we talked about possibly getting together sometime.

M&S- one Friday night, Richard and I met them for drinks. There was an immediate attraction between Richard and S, but I didn’t feel as much attraction for M. M has been contacting me and trying to develop a friendship with me which I appreciate because it may affect my attraction to him. The only thing is that S in straight, and I started thinking that maybe we shouldn’t even be meeting any couples where the female is straight because I am bi and really wanting that female on female intimacy.

L&T. We went to N.O. and met L&T briefly for a drink. I was fairly attracted to both of them, but Richard wasn’t attracted to her. She wasn’t attracted to him either. They had other friends meeting them there anyway, so we moved on.

L&J That evening, we met L&J. I was very attracted to both of them. But, she and Richard didn’t have an attraction for one another. And again, she is straight, so she had no interest in me. That leaves a major attraction between me and L which will probably never result in anything because of the lack of interest between Richard and J.

C&K. While in N.O., we met C&K. I was attracted to both of them, Richard was attracted to her and she seemed to be attracted to me…..so, we’ll see if we can meet up with them again!!

D&L. Then, I met with D&L for dinner on a week night to get acquainted. I was somewhat attracted to D, but not L. But, they invited me and Richard to a pool party on Saturday and we decided to go.

A girlfriend called and asked if I wanted to meet her out. So- I went from the dinner with D&L and met Sandy at a dance club. I had been thinking about how 3 months ago I had access to 4 male lovers and now I don’t seem to have any. Steven lives 1,000 miles away. John decided he wants a monogamous partner, so we aren’t speaking any more. Charles is with Holland now almost exclusively- so he’s no longer available and Richard is only available- basically on Friday and Saturday nights because he’s working out of town. Richard has a female partner where he’s living out of town. She hasn’t had a partner in over 10 years, so he is having a lot of sex with her. Basically, I’m suddenly needing a guy….I’m thinking this when I walk into the club and see this guy that I’ve known for a while (Jacob), but we’ve never dated. I am and have been VERY attracted to him. I walk right up to him, ask him if he’s with anyone. He says NO. I ask if he’s in a relationship. He says NO. So I say “Do you want to come home with me tonight?” He says YES. Apparently he hasn’t had sex in 3 months. OMG…it was great….. SO…..this was the first time I have had sex with a person that I am not emotionally involved with in 24 years!!!! And I feel really good about it!!! We have plans to get together again tomorrow night….a week later!! He is only the 8th guy I’ve had sex with in 24 years.

M&D- On Friday night, we went to dinner with M&D. There didn’t seem to be much sexual attraction at all between any of us, but we had a great time….felt like we had known them for years and might see them again. Sometimes an attraction does come up later....and they were people we would like to have as friends.

M&L- on Saturday night, we went to the pool party. Richard was occupied, while I befriended M&L, but especially L in the pool. I was very attracted to her and she seemed to be really enjoying me too. I didn’t pay a lot of attention to M, but I liked him okay. They expressed that they would like to go out for dinner. I later found out that she is not attracted to Richard. So- I have asked if they would like to see me alone. We have tentative plans to meet next week.

K&P- also in the pool, we met K&P. me and P played in the pool for quite a while. She is super sexy. Then, Richard came back into the pool and swept P away. At that point, K and I played for quite a while. There was definitely a physical attraction between Richard and P. Between me and P and between me and K. The only thing about them is that I didn’t really like P as a person…..she didn’t seem to be a person I would like to spend more time with. Physical attraction is great, but if there is no emotional connection, what do you have??

T&G drove in from out of town to meet us for dinner and a fireworks show. Richard and G had an attraction as well as me and G. I had a small amount of attraction for T. After dinner and drinks, she and I decided that we would go up to their room and that she and I would play for a while with the guys watching us and just see what happened. They guys actually seemed quite content just watching us, but we did eventually ask them to join us.

So- the discussions about casual sex is coming up for me now in a big way. Because, you could call this last encounter casual sex. But, the reasons why I am okay with it are various. Richard had a connection with her. They liked each other. I came to like and enjoy the guy. As a foursome, there seemed to be a good bit of compatibility. She and I really connected sexually and we both really enjoyed the intimacy with each other. It seemed to be a need that she had just as I have that need for female closeness. This is a relationship that we would like to pursue. So- I guess it’s not considered “casual sex” because there is an interest in future interactions, dates etc.

Now- the sexual interaction with Jacob…..would that be casual sex? Maybe….but I do intend on having a continuing sexual relationship with him. I am open to developing an emotional connection with him if it happens. But, maybe I’m just using him….. I need a male sexual partner. Also- I am going to ask him if he would be willing to meet some of these couples that we have met where everything was good, except the woman wasn’t attracted to Richard.

So- I said at the beginning that it would make your head spin….. I can’t believe I am living through all of this right now…….but I feel good about it so far…… I know some people might feel that it's too much too soon, but I tend to do things like that and then things eventually stabalize out after a while....so, I'm going with it.

__________________ The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.