Question

How can I tactfully tell my mother-in-law I don't like the clothes she buys for my son?

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My mother-in-law buys clothes for my son that I wouldn't dream of dressing him in. She also buys accessories for his room that don't work with the decor. (We have very different taste, and I'm pretty particular about what I like.) How can I handle this tactfully? Do I have to use her gifts?

Mom Answers

I wish ya'll had the relationship that I have with my MIL and FIL. They always ask me to meet them at the store to pick out what the baby needs, for the older kids they pick out for themselves(14 and 13 with mom and dad's approval). If my MIL or FIL pick out something I don't like I tell them. They would rather spend their money on something I like and would use than it go to waste. It hasn't always been like this..In the beginning of our marriage (married now for 14 years)none of his family liked me at all...My husband, after about the third year, he told them they could either accept me (because I wasn't going anywhere)or be excluded. After a short while, they started to get to know and respect me. They respect me greatly for my honestly and openness. Many years later, I'm called the daughter they never had and I'm treated better by them than my I am by own parents.
For those of you that don't have this relationship with the in-laws...maybe it's time? For those mom's that do things to get to you like the woman who wrote about the MIL buying the clothes for a boy when you have a girl...IT IS PAST TIME for your husband to talk to her and explain to her (even if it doesn't bother your husband) he needs to tell her that it hurts his feelings(if she doesn't respect your feelings,maybe she will respect his) when she can't buy for the correct gender.

I have had this problem too...I dress my daughter in high end designer clothing, and she does received outfits that I would never put her in. Well, I would never dream of hurting anyone's feelings, we always smile and say thank you, and no matter how distasteful the outfit is (my father in law likes to buy her stuff at garage sales...torn dresses with dirt on them and dolls that have been played with a LOT) we take a picture in it, say how much we love it and THEN toss it in the trash or donate it. I have a cousin who cannot afford to buy her daughter very many things, so I always give her the outfits that are new and just not my taste...she is very appreciative of them and I like to know that they are going to someone who can truly use them. The most important thing is to let them know the gifts ARE appreciated. I don't understand why my FIL buys her used/crappy stuff at garage sales (because he is not tight on money) but honestly I would be MORE upset if he never thought to send her anything at all..at least he is trying to show he cares.

Denise-
My Mother-in-law buys ugly clothes for my kids too. I've come to realize that buying clothes is her way of showing she cares. I dress the kids in the outfits she buys when she sees them. It makes her happy and it's an easy gesture on my part.

my mother in law does something along the lines of what you describe, but her intentions are vendictive. My MIL buys my daughter boys clothes, because i was only supposed to have boys in her mind. She told me that when my husband and i got married, and i told her that it was all up to her son, because males determine the sex of the baby. She was obviously disappointed when my daughter was born, has very little to do with her, but for every holiday and her bitrhdays she buys her boy clothes that i refuse to put my dauhgter in. When i say BOYS clothes i mean Boys clothes. Blue decorated with trucks and sailboats, ones that have tools on them and spots logos that say "daddy's little slugger" and the like. i just take them back to the store and exchange them for ones more suited to my little girl. i keep a few of them, i figure that way if i have a little boy i have a head start. i would just say something to your MIL though. you don't want to be stuck in an uncomfy situation like me!

I too am going to go against the general view of this board and say, be thankful for the clothes that your MIL buys.
There are kids in many countries around the world who don't even get new clothes because of the poor families.
I think the thing to remember is that your MIL is buying those clothes out of love for your child. Chooose your battles with your MIL. If you make a big deal out of something like this, you are going to look bad and ungrateful. Does it really matter to your child what he/she is dressed in? If you think so, you are going to create some major rifts with your MIL that won't be repairable.
I don't always like the stuff my MIL buys for my girls, but I always say thank you and have my girls wear it. I try to appreciate what she does for my kids.

Keep a few outfits and exchange the others for something more your taste. Then dress your son in those few outfits only when you know your MIL is coming over, or taking him for the day. I do this with two grandmothers and one great aunt. Works like a charm!

I'd like to take the "it could be worse" side here...My MIL not only buys the weird,ill-fitting clothes, she also buys him age-inappropriate toys, dozens of huge stuffed animals that fill way beyond our small apartment, and just got him his 4th trike.
Since she is not able to spend the quality time that my mom is, we accept all the gifts graciously and make her feel like an important part of his life. What we don't want or can't keep, we donate to the Salvation Army or Goodwill.
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do!

My mother in law and her aunts and sometimes my mom do the same thing. But I say thank you and smile. The good thing is that they live somewhere else and they never see her clothes, so whatever I like I use and whatever I dont I just put away. With the deco of his room just be very specific and tell them what it is and the colors u like and dislike, say it doesnt match with his room. Everyone knows I use bees and thats all I like so thats what everyone gets my daughter. If they get offended then too bad. As long as your clear with them about what to buy him and what not to. If they dont listen then dont listen to them either. My hubby agrres with me and tells his family what we like and dont. Its your child and you say what u like and dont. Dont stress over it too much!!!!!!!!

Good luck--I've had the same issue for over 4 years. Just thank her for the gift and pass it along to the needy. I've even got hand me downs from my mil--her children (my sister-in-laws) are in their 20's and 30's now! As time goes by, it becomes less startling and you realize that is just their taste.

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