Shorts / Bane Responds to the Super Bowl Blackout

Script

Bane Responds to the Super Bowl Blackout

By Adam Conover & Jeff Rubin

INT. HIDEOUT
Bane speaks to camera. The image flickers and shakes.
BANE
Citizens of New Orleans. Your
reckoning is upon you. On Sunday, I
struck at the heart of your
festering society by plunging your
greatest spectacle, the Super Bowl,
into darkness.
(beat)
For THIRTY FIVE whole minutes.
I was born into the dark! And for a
little over half an hour, the
audience dwelt there as well. Half
of them!
As my plot unfolded, the opressers
who had gathered across the country
to celebrate gluttony and excess,
were DRIVEN MAD by the short delay
in their beloved blood sport!
As time crawled to standstill,
inane football commentators
poisoned your brains with useless
babble, while your guacamole turned
brown in your bowls.
You were forced to watch in horror,
as your mighty gladiators were
reduced to doing pilates on the
field of battle!
We see a clip of this.
BANE
And the delay unleashed a torrent
of advertisements! Women and
children wailed and gnashed their
teeth, upon being forced to watch
that weird Stevie Wonder ad again!
Men wept and cried, "What does
Danica Patrick have to do with
domain names?" And thus, their sins
were punished.
To ensure that my demands are not
ignored, I have taken two hostages.
If your corrupt government does not
relinquish the reins of power
within twenty four hours, you shall
never see the other two members of
Destiny's Child again. Can you bear
to live in such a world?!
When you are prepared submit, you
may contact me via my new henchman,
Ray Lewis!