Submitting with love and loving to submit

Monthly Archives: October 2013

“Like a moth” i thought. Like a moth, i had gotten too close to the flame. Drawn in by his warmth, seduced by his charm. And, ok, maybe by my own desire too.

But i had not expected this.

Lying naked on the table, the men gathered around me. Before they had blindfolded me, the light had shone directly on me, they were in the shadows, so i am not sure even how many of them there are. Three i think.

My lover. And two more. Maybe three more.

The hands stroking the inside of my thighs make me catch my breath. They move up, slowly but certainly, toward the cleft in my thighs. i do not know whose hands they are.

They had shaved me quite bare, and made me examine myself in a mirror. i am not yet comfortable with my nakedness there.

But there is no chance of covering myself. My hands are bound together with rope, and fastened to a post at the head of the table. My ankles are tied as well, but forced apart and fastened to a – a “spreader bar” i think it’s called.

i can move my hips however, and much to my shame, i feel them lifting off the table, raising my pussy toward the hands that have suddenly stopped touching me. i want more – wantonly – i want the hands back.

i am so fucking hot.

But a smack lands between my legs instead of the caress i was seeking. A hard smack, and not with a hand, maybe with a ruler? Or a wooden spoon?

i don’t know, but i cry out, as they had intended. i hear him laugh, my lover who has put me here.

“Patience, little slut,” he says, with easy affection. “It is my choice how you are touched, and when. You’d do well to remember that.”

The hands begin again, i think two men are each taking one thigh, the touch is so different, one hand is larger and more gentle, stroking softly, while the smaller hand massages firmly. i whimper.

“Do you want something, little slut?” he says. But then, before i can answer – if i even wanted to – he thrusts his thumb in my mouth. My pussy throbs, and i suck. Gently, then harder, trying to arouse and please him. Swirling my tongue on the thumb, i suck as if this is the only thing in the world that matters.

And maybe at that moment it is.

Even my pussy – wet and needy, longing to be touched, to be filled, aching with desire – is not as important as my desire to please this man.

“Too damn close to the flame,” i think, and then my mind is completely filled with the sensation of his thumb in my mouth.

The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
Um, a wrong number. Unless it’s Sir or my sister or daughter. I don’t really like talking on the phone and they all text rather than calling usually, so i can’t say i want it to be anybody.

When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Sometimes. Usually.

In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Usually a listener unless i’m in some kind of role that makes it particularly necessary to talk.

Do you take compliments well?
Not too badly. I’ve had years of practice at “just say thank you.”

Are you an active person?
Well, I have a sedentary job and spend hours blogging and reading other people’s blogs on the computer and playing on Facebook and doing paperwork, but you know, aside from that I’m active. Sure. I walk to the basement and back at least once a day. And my office is on the third floor – no elevator.

If abandoned alone in the wilderness, do you survive?
Hell, no. Only if someone shows up to rescue me.
Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yes. I went to a horse-riding camp once, and really loved that, and went to a regular camp two or three years and liked it.

What was your favorite game as a kid?
Army. We used to play army all the time. Outside, running and playing all day. Don’t know why we played army but we did.

A sexy person is pursuing you, but you know that he/she is married, would you?
Nope. Don’t think so. Never have – not saying I never would, anything can happen, but I think not.
Are you judgmental?
I try not to be.
Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Be pursued.
Use three words to describe yourself.
Compassionate, empathetic, and eccentric

If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
Blind, no doubt. Helen Keller said that blindness separates you from things, but deafness separates you from people.

Are you continuing your education?
Of course. Try to learn something every day.

Do you know how to shoot a gun?
Yes.

How often do you read books?
Every day.

Do you think more about the past, present or future?
I try to focus on the present, but don’t mind thinking about the past or looking to the future.

What is your favorite children’s book?
Oh, there are so many it’s hard to choose. Any of Madeleine Engel’s books, but particularly A Ring of Endless Light. I think. But could be the Prydain chronicles. Or Anne of Green Gables.

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yes…years ago when I was much younger.

What are your keys on your keychain for?
To open and close stuff? Oh, House, Car, Work. File Cabinet.

Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Work.

Where is your current pain?
Nowhere. Well, lower back a little bit.

Do you like mustard?
Yes…honey dijon

Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
O, man, both – do I have to pick? Really? Um, o, i don’t know, um, eat. No, no, no sleep. Eat and then sleep. I like them both a lot.
Do you look like your mom or dad?
I look like both really. There’s a strong family resemblance – my grandmother, mother, my sister, my daughter – you can tell we’re related. But I have my Dad’s coloring and his eye color and maybe his mouth.

How long does it take you in the shower?
Ten – twenty minutes.
What movie do you want to see right now?
None. I don’t really like movies.

What did you do for New Year’s?
Stayed home with Sir.

What was the cause of your last accident?
My last accident? A hole in the pavement – stumbled on it, or in it.

Not with Sir, but with a group of friends that I have breakfast with every Saturday morning. We had just gotten our checks. The man sitting across from me is a really nice person with a quirky sense of humor and maybe a kink or two.

He looks at his bill and says, totally deadpan, “Well, I see the subtotal, but where’s the Dom total?”

When I burst out laughing, he adds, “I didn’t even know we were keeping score like that!”

Nobody else laughed – I can’t imagine why… do you think I just outed myself?

Five Down and twenty to go. Or twenty-five, depending on how ambitious I am.

That’s pounds you know, not some weird football thing.

Sir has been helping me stay on track – every evening, I give Him a list of all the things i’ve eaten that day. I weigh in every day, and put my weight on there too, and how much I exercised. He makes some comments, and that’s it.

The comments are often questions, “Are you sure all this is on the 17-Day Diet?” “Are you sure this is all you ate?”

My indignant, “Yes, Sir!! and little spark of outrage ~ does He think i’d LIE about it? – have diminished as i realize this is really just Him attending to what i’m doing. Ok.

Other than that, life is super busy still ~ extra baby-sitting this week, which is fine, but exhausting. But lots of work things and other activities too. And i have exactly two minutes before i have to go exercise…

Off and running… because, you know ~

“My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Sir has some back issues, which bother Him more sometimes than others, and has been having a particularly hard time with it lately. So He bought an electric massager, complete with four different heads. He’s been letting me use it on Him at night, and it seems to be helping some.

Last night, He came to tuck me in ~ He was watching some black-and-white videos that were made in the late 1930’s and staying up longer ~ but He came to tuck me in. With the massager.

“Turn over,” He says. “Come on, on your stomach.”

Obediently, i roll, and He starts massaging my back. Works His way up and down my legs. I’m already purring with contentment when He tells me to turn over ~

“On your back,” He says.

He starts with the front of my thighs, and then runs the massager up my inner thighs. Arriving finally at the cleft between my legs ~~

~~ where He places the head of the massager right where it optimally stimulates my clit, just the right amount, not too directly, but just enough that i can push my hips up a tiny bit and wiggle myself into a lovely big orgasm, and a couple of more small ones.

i sleep really well after that! Not long enough, ok, but really well. Thank you, Sir….

“It’s hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That’s part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can’t refuse anything and can’t even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”
― Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel

i like that one, even though it implicitly carries the stereotype of women who are over-burdened by the responsibility of decision-making and all that. But it is a lovely feeling…

But a true Master, a Master such as Matt, was so invested in his sub that he was actually in a way a slave himself. He was a slave to his love for me. He was a slave to his responsibility. He was a slave to the passion and the commitment. He was a slave to his overwhelming desire to protect his property at all costs. He was a slave to his slave. I knew without questions that he loved me so much he’d literally lay down his life for me. He owned me, and his ownership owned him”
― Jeff Erno, Puppy Love 2: Building a Family

Sweet. That one’s just sweet.

“Pet, so far we’ve been playing at this. I’m going to take you a bit further. A play spanking can be erotic but I am going to take you flying, so high you’ll never have felt anything like it.” He paused and strolled around the kneeling boy. Damian pulled his hands together behind his back and linked the D rings on the cuffs. “Feel how helpless you are, on your knees to me, waiting for me to decide what to do to you?”
― Catt Ford, A Strong Hand

I missed the window of opportunity to nominate people for the top 100 Sex Blogs. Just completely missed it. i am a Dumb Ass.

i’m behind on responding to comments again. i love comments, and i love responding. It’s just slipped off my plate. Again.

Last night, Sir came home from work in the mood for some kink, and i was all distracted by something with my granddaughter, and instead of getting spanked, Sir took me out to buy something that resolved my concern. It was a sweet and loving thing for Him to do, and i deeply appreciate it, but i wish i could have done that and played too.

Instead, He tucked me in bed later with a series of quick orgasms that put me to sleep like the proverbial ~ um, the proverbial baby? Whatever. i slept like the dead. But i didn’t have the opportunity to pleasure Him, and that makes me sorry and sad. i’m hoping i’ll get to make up for that soon.

{Just for the first few lines, i include this from Frank Sinatra. Who, i hear, may be the father of Mia Farrow’s son. Who knew? Who cared???}

“The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way Where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say” ~ J.R.R.Tolkien