Saturday, January 24, 2009

Cherry Tavern

441 E. 6th St. (btw 1st Ave & Ave A)New York, NY 10009(212) 777-1448

Given that this blog has now got some serious burn vis a vis its Twitter feed claiming the #1 spot when one Googles "Visceralist" (here), we hereby present Visceralist's official review of its favorite bar. Expect all-time level quality and eat a dick, bitch.

Bathroom situation - 2 in the back, men's has a urinal and a seaty-pooper and women's has a toillette (sans bidet). The mens generally gets doubled up and will feature an unsurprising half-inch layer of piss on the floor. Only the womens has a lock.Takes credit cards? - I mean, they'll take it...literally.Crowded on weekends? - uff da, yes! It can get a little crizzampo'd but rarely gets ridicko.Seating - 10ish stools around the bar, 2 tables in the front, 1 booth just past the juke, and 2 tables in the back. Expect to practice good posture.Neighborhood - The poorman's East Village. Not to be confused with the layman's East Village.Type of crowd - fairly gully at most times but with a nice, even conglomeration of both fuckups and losers.Pretentious/assholes - yes, on the weekends. These are the ones who make it not worth visiting on the weekends.Cost of Stella - no esta aqui, pero...your basic selection of low-rent beer.What time people start showing up - ha, specifically between 10:30pm - 11:30pm...if no one's there betwixt these hours, it's one of their (many) off nights.Bartender efficiency - friggin freakin acceptable.Official Website - n/a, which is very much in keeping with its adorable off-kilter atmosphere.Food? How late - nope, and don't bring any.TVs? What's on - one TV in the corner above the pool table, usually tuned to Cartoon Network or Public Access. And sometimes this.Guy/girl ratio - nice and comfortable for both genders.Toys - a pool table with an erstwhile sign-up sheet that gets happily disregarded. The jukebox is the real heartbeat of the joint tho.Age of clientele - ages 8 - 108 (like MadLibs).Space for dancing - Don't think so...plus they don't have "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)" on the juke anyway, so who gives a fuck?Décor - puts the "jive" in "dive bar"Grimeyness - pic next to dictionary entry.ID check procedure - Competent.Hood specificity - The cool part of the EV you still can't afford to live in.Music medium, style & volume - Generally comes via the juke, but beware of this: you'll put your money in and won't hear your songs for a good 30-45 mins. So select "Say Hello to the Angels" BEFORE you order your booze.Specials or most popular drink - Can of Tecate beer + shot of house tequila for $5 daily. Will totally ruin/augment your night.Map