Sugar reduction in jam solves Palestinian question

Today, the Israeli Supreme Court confirmed that 26 inmates of Ofer prison would be released as an important part in the process of 'fruit preserve disarmament'. News that British jams would lower sugar content from 60% to 50% could lead to a lasting peace solution in the Middle East.

Since the termination of the 'British Mandate for Breakfast' in 1948, the Palestine/Israeli conflict has caused the death of thousands of chutneys, curds and confits. To this very day, the ownership of Jerusalem's 'Women's Institute Rosette for Gooseberry Jam' is still a contentious issue for both sides.

The release of the political prisoners saw the people of Gaza celebrate with fireworks, toast and crumpets. It is now hoped peace talks will resume, having previously collapsed due to US-backed Israeli 'jelly' settlements in the West Bank. In Ramallah, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas addressed a large crowd: 'Our demands are simple. A separate state for the people of Palestine, access to high fruit content and the trial of 'Robertson's Jam' for crimes against humanity.'