and we can share fond memories

By the end of this year I want to be free of this pain, because I honestly don’t know how much longer I can carry it before it crushes me.
I’m not saying I don’t want to love you or think of you anymore – I’m just saying I don’t want it to hurt like this forever.
I want to achieve a state of peace within myself where I can accept that it’s over and be grateful for all that we had together… I want to be able to look back on it with only fondness for the memories we shared without this terrible pain and longing.
I don’t regret anything and I never will. I don’t want to hate you or forget you or pretend we never happened… I just want to be free.
I just want to be happy again.

By the end of this year I want to be free of this pain, because I honestly don’t know how much longer I can carry it before it crushes me.
I’m not saying I don’t want to love you or think of you anymore – I’m just saying I don’t want it to hurt like this forever.
I want to achieve a state of peace within myself where I can accept that it’s over and be grateful for all that we had together…
I want to be able to look back on it with only fondness for the memories we shared without this terrible pain and longing.
I don’t regret anything and I never will.
I don’t want to hate you or forget you or pretend we never happened… I just want to be free.
I just want to be happy again

For Cullen, the words weighed on him. He had to be certain, pouring over them until the feeling behind those three simple syllables threatened to overwhelm him. He held it back, praying you don’t see the tiniest of shakes in his knees. Maker help him, he’s never done this before. Then again, neither has he ever felt like this. It comes out between deep kisses, you both a tangled mess of limbs against his desk. He casts his eyes down shyly, a knot in his gut as he waits for your reaction. His kisses return fiercer, when you whisper it back. He should have never been worried in the first place.

You’ll never get Cassandra to admit that she’s been waiting to hear that phrase for her entire life. She is tough, no-nonsense and with a will of the hardest steel, yet by now you’re not surprised by her softer side, by the woman who loves poetry, dreams of sweet romance, who plays child’s games plucking the petals from flowers. So when she tells you, you know it encompasses all of her in a way words will never frame again. It is confidence, it is partnership, it is devotion, it is vulnerability, it is unbridled adoration.

Dorian never dared to dream of hearing such words, even less than he dared to say them, about others, about himself. You’re both aware of how much of his outward personality is a shield, and a desperate wish to never be hurt again. So its passion between the two of you, its nights of embraces and affectionate nicknames. Then he says it, and you know you’ve been feeling the same for a very, very, long time. It was worth waiting to see the realization dawn over him, tears of joy beading in the corners of his eyes.

Josephine is breathless when she says it, not from exertion, but from laughter. You light up her life, provide a needed relief when she gets in over her head. She likes to pretend she’s indomitable, but more often than not, you catch her asleep on her couch, instead of in her room. The best part of her day is when you make her laugh, one that starts with giggles and ends with her hair out of place and her cheeks flushed. It was time she let you know how much you mean to her, and that she forgives you for distracting her from work.

Today- LORD OF THE BLING

I am so far behind in this game (it’s like I’m not even trying) so I’ll try to keep my incoherent ramblings on the short side, but I will NOT cut down on my gratuitous use of Logan screencaps.

Originally, I was going to talk about how this episode compares and contrasts the different father /child relationships (Keith and Veronica, Aaron and Logan, Bone and Yolanda, Bone and Bryce) specifically in regard to how the children treat their fathers. Yolanda running away and demanding that her father accept her choices or lose her forever, Bryce trying to prove he’s not “soft” and deserves respect, Logan’s disdain for and mockery of Aaron all contrasted with Veronica’s loving care of Keith -worrying about him resting his back and taking his pain meds. Then I changed my mind because my favorite scene(s) were the Logan and Aaron ones and, by themselves, they are not really about bad fathers vs. good fathers, they are about Logan finally being done. It’s been a slow progression with hints in other episodes, but here it all comes to a head.

We start with Logan bringing Aaron his costume -”you know if it’s not sad enough, I can order you a veil”- and Aaron playing the role of grieving widower. He’s waxing poetic about his beloved wife and trying to share fond memories with his son. Of course those memories aren’t so fond for Logan so he tries to correct Aaron’s interpretation of events. When Aaron is adamant that it was all Logan’s fault (classic blaming the victim -a trait shared with Duncan, but that’s for a later post) you can hear the resignation in Logan’s voice: “I guess we just remember it differently, Dad.”

LOGAN: On the way home I spilled a milkshake in the Beamer and you gave me a nosebleed.

AARON: You poured that milkshake out in the backseat because we didn’t buy you a monkey, then, when I went to grab you, you smacked your head against a window.

LOGAN: I guess we just remember it differently, Dad.

Aaron is never going to change and Logan can see through the act. Even before Aaron makes his big pronouncement at the end of the episode about retiring to focus on his family, Logan knows this is just another role. After all, “there’s no people like show people.”

While Logan has pushed Aaron’s buttons before (donation at the homeless shelter) and we’ve seen him get in Aaron’s face (Logan threatening to kill him in Clash of the Tritons), the first was sly and the second was about protecting his mother- neither were about Logan standing up for himself.

[As a side note: I think most, if not all, of Logan’s “acting out” started with Lilly’s murder. My reasoning for this comes from Aaron’s conversation with Veronica in a later episode (M.A.D.) where he contends that Logan was such “a good kid” before Lilly died -as in, he took his beatings and he didn’t talk back.]

In this episode, however, Logan calls Aaron on his bullshit: mocking his fake grief, bringing up the abuse, and reaming him for his treatment of Lynn. Not only does Logan really let loose, he does it in front of Aaron’s adoring fans AND the press and Logan clearly does not care about the repercussions. Whatever power or control Aaron had over him is gone.

Logan is just done and I think that Aaron knows this too. Notice that there is no belt scene after Logan publicly humiliates him. In fact, we are only halfway through season one and we never see Aaron hit Logan again despite how openly hostile and/or mocking Logan is for the remainder of their interactions in the series. You might say that Aaron got off on the fear he inspired in Logan, but now that the fear is gone, there is no “pleasure” in it for Aaron. Or, you could argue that Logan standing up for himself exposes Aaron for what he really is- a bully and a coward. But, whatever the reason, Logan has claimed his personal agency (at least with regard to his father - in other areas of his life it takes him a bit longer).

When Lynn stalked down the halls of Neptune High with the final words of “I cannot take this anymore” she may as well have been speaking for both her and Logan. Same goes for this scene with the lighter. On the surface, Logan is hoping the “free at last” message is from his mother about her freedom, but it is also symbolic of Logan’s new found freedom.

Nina Dobrev on Her 'Vampire Diaries' Departure and Finally Getting to "Graduate"

The Vampire Diaries is poised to head into a new phase as leading lady Nina Dobrev(Elena) exits the series this week following a six-season run.

For Dobrev, Thursday’s season finale is bittersweet. “The fairy tale has to end, and the next chapter has to begin,” she told The Hollywood Reporter. “I knew this was my time, and I’m excited for the next step.”

Dobrev spoke with THR about her first — and last — days on The CW vampire drama, fan reaction to her departure, the excitement of starting something new and saying goodbye to her TVD family.

With your final episode just a few days away, has it hit you yet that your time on Vampire Diaries is nearly over?

It wouldn’t have hit me if it didn’t come out the way that it had. It leaked a little earlier than we anticipated, which forced us to make a statement prematurely. But it was a blessing in disguise, in retrospect. It didn’t hit me; I got to say goodbye with my family and with the fans. People made videos of — what was in their opinion — the best moments of the last six years. It helped me relive the last six years, and be nostalgic, grateful and look back at those moments and celebrate this experience as it ends, instead of mourn it after I left. I got to say goodbye to my family, and spend my last moments with them, and look back and remember how awesome it has been.

I’ve known [I was leaving] for such a long time — for a couple of years — so it’s been a big secret I’ve been having to keep for a while. But once people finally knew, people were really upset and outspoken. But ultimately, supportive, which I was very appreciative of. It was strange, one of the days after it was announced, I had people come up to me in the street, crying, like, “What are you doing?” and angry. And then I told them and they were like, “You go, girl. Do your thing. We support you. We can’t wait to see what you’re doing next.” It’s 50-50 [support].

When did you know you’d be leaving?

It wasn’t one specific moment I knew. I just knew I wanted to go on this journey with these characters, and their lives…it’s a vampire show. It’s been a great journey, but at the end of the day, I’m not actually a vampire. The fairy tale has to end, and the next chapter has to begin. I knew this was my time, and I’m excited for the next step. I am very sad that I’m not going to get to spend every day with my favorite people in the world, but, that’s why we have FaceTime and phone calls. Friendships are like vampires: They’ll last forever if they’re real.

As you’ve been reaching the end of the road of playing Elena, how much have you been reflecting on your early days on the show?

I remember the first day on set, I was with Kat Graham [Bonnie], we were shooting in a car, driving around, and she was the worst driver. I was terrified for my life, but if anything were to happen, it would have happened with a smile on my face because we both made each other laugh so much. There was an excitement and nerves, and we didn’t know if we were going to get picked up or not, and tension, too, and butterflies. Anything for the first time, the unknown, the fear, those are all emotions that are so exciting, ultimately. I love that feeling, and I really want to feel that again. That’s why I’m excited about this next chapter: I have no idea what’s going to happen, and that means anything can happen. That’s what’s most exciting to me — the prospect of anything.

What was your biggest challenge on the show?

There were daily challenges, there were yearly challenges, there were character challenges. The whole show was challenging in different ways throughout the six years. The multiple characters, the hours, creating characters, deaths. I was constantly crying, it felt like. But for that reason, it kept me occupied, I was never bored, it never felt stale. I always came to work excited, and looking forward to the next thing I got to do. It was almost like actor boot camp, or a college experience. I started college in real life, but I never finished. I went to high school in real life, and then went to Degrassi high school, and then four years as Elena — 12 years is a long time to go to school. I need to graduate! I’m ready now. I’m ready to go into the real world. I’ve literally grown up on this show. I was a baby when I started, and now I’m a woman. I feel like I’ve learned so much and have grown so much because of every single person, and every single character, and person I’ve worked with. They made me who I am, and I’m excited to apply that to the next chapter.

What conversations did you have with Julie Plec and the writers about Elena’s ending?

We had many conversations over the years. I remember when we first started, we wondered how long the show could go. And there are times when people said six or eight years. If it was up to the studio [Warner Bros. Television], it would be 30 years. It just depends on so many different factors. When we talked over the years, I always felt Elena’s journey would be a six-year journey, and I felt that I did so much in those six years, and I wanted to always feel that passion, and that excitement, and fond memories. And I do. I have nothing but love for every single person there. The show must go on, and it is going on, and I’m excited to see what next season is going to be like.

Will you watch next season?

I think it’ll be easier to watch, now that I’m not on it. I hate watching myself! (Laughs.)

What can you share about the finale? Last we saw, Elena was knocked out after Kai [Christopher Wood] crashed Jo’s [Jodi Lyn O'Keefe] and Alaric’s [Matt Davis] wedding.

I’m in the hospital. That’s in the promo, I can tell you that. I spent a lot of time, horizontal, lying down. I fell asleep a couple of times during takes because I had to pretend to be unconscious. So I can tell you that. Basically, I can tell you nothing. (Laughs.)

What was your last day on set like?

My last week or so, I was very aware that everything I did was going to be the last time I was getting to do it. I was very aware; in the moment. I’m so happy it was like that, so I could be present in what was going on around me, and appreciate everyone for the impact they had in my life. But especially the last day. My last scene was with Ian Somerhalder [Damon], and we were shooting a scene I can’t talk about outside that was very beautiful. I’m in a gown, we’re outside somewhere, and the last shot, a camera operator came up and said there was something in my hair, was trying to help me, and then he pulled me into a bear hug so I couldn’t escape, while the entire crew got a cake and whipped cream and dumped it all over my body. And they filmed it. And put confetti and a whole bunch of stuff [on me]. It was amazing. I couldn’t have been happier for that to be my sendoff. I knew something was coming; I could feel it in my bones. I’m a prankster, I would cake people on set all the time, but no one ever got me. And they got me good this time. If they hadn’t done something like that on my last scene, I would have been really disappointed. That’s how I knew they were my real family. That’s what family does. They don’t tell you what you want to hear, they tell you the truth. And they have fun with you, and they make you laugh, and they make you cry, and they see you at your worst. I did not look cute, I will tell you that. Cake is not a good look on me, but I loved it that one day.

It really is wonderful to be here today - having the chance to meet you all and to see the incredible work of Bear Cottage. First class delivery of children’s palliative care is life changing. When families are confronted with the shattering news that their children have a life limiting condition, their world can fall apart. It is at those times that professional support is imperative. I first saw this through East Anglia’s Children’s Hospices and have since been fortunate to see similar work in Malaysia, then last week at Rainbow Place in New Zealand, and now here today. William and I are strong believers in collaborative work. The sharing of best practice is transformational for organizations. The needs of families requiring children’s palliative care across the world are varied. Circumstances and environment can differ - but the aim of those supporting them is the same - to offer the best and most loving care possible. I am delighted that Bear Cottage and EACH are planning to be part of a ‘community of best practice. The haven that you have created here is inspirational, and there is so much that you can share with each other as you continue to support and nurture those in your care. If I may, I would also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has welcomed me and George so incredibly warmly on our first visit. To be here together as a family has been very special and we will always remember it with fond and happy memories. Thank you for inviting us here and for such a generous welcome.

—
The Duchess of Cambridges’ Speech in Australia, at the Bear Cottage Children’s Hospice