- her, her friends and one of my brothers (and his gf) left the flat at around 23:30

- i tried to get to sleep a couple of hours later (01:30)

- i was still awake (although drifting off to sleep) when my brother returned (to the flat (without a key) at 02:30

- i got up to let my brother in the flat

- people continued to return to the flat over the next hour and a half

- i got to sleep at about 05:30

Anyways after about 3 hours sleep i had to get up to play 5 aside football.

I went and played and came home and had something to eat.

I then tried to get a couple of hours sleep.

I tried to get to sleep because i was going on a staff night out that evening.

Pre meal meet up for drinks was to be at 6.

I failed in my attempt to get to sleep.

I got up unrested at about 15:30 because my friend (Matt) phoned saying he was in the area with another friend (Tom) who i hadn't seen in 1 1/2 years.

Blah blah blah time passes.

My friends FINALLY turn up at about 16:45.

Anyways i decided that i should stick to just one drink that evening.

Beer ****s with my stomach.

Vodka (/spirits) **** with my head.

I decided that i'd rather not have trouble with my guts and so opted for the voka option.

As vodka is quite expensive (in relation to beer) to drink whilst out i decided i should have a few drinks before i left the flat to save money.

I'd be on singles most likely for the rest of the night so i should be fine.

Ohhhh how words like "should" come back to haunt you.

Anyways i talk to my friends whilst drinking and getting ready then i get a lift into town.

I brave the outdoors with a third of a litre of vodka inside me (drunk in <1 hour).

I walked into the pub at 3 minutes to 7 (the meal was booked 2 doors down for 7) and was just in time to walk out again with my "friends".

Anyways there is a girl (we'll call her "Eve" cause that's not her real name) in my work (who sits beside me doing the same job and who is 9 months younger than me) and now i want your genuine opinion ...

Said girl:

- talks about sex

- tells me that "girls are just as horny as guy" and that they "want to get laid just as much"

- tells me the last time she was KISSED was last October

- punches me on the arm in a playful manner

- ****s with my chair settings (ie lowering it when im sitting in it etc)

- looks through all the passport photos we see for a girlfriend for me

- puts her hand on me knee

- puts her hand on my thigh (couple of days after hand-on-knee incident)

- puts her hand on my thigh and rubs it (couple of days after hand-on-thigh incident)

- laughs at my (on occasion really shitty) jokes

- refers to us as soul mates

- says we should make little PO1 (our job rank) babies

- hand made me a thank you card with drawings and gliter and such which seems to have involved quite a bit of effort after i gave her a book (she reads alot).

AND THE PIECE DE LA RESISTANCE

- she asked me to smell her lip gloss WHEN IT WAS ON HER LIPS (i declined twice but on the third request i decided to do it).

So we're in the pub and everyone seems "merry" and my fellow PO1 asks me a question.

She asks me about the Dunblane shooting.

Now i don't really like talking about it.

It wasn't exactly a nice time.

I'm drunk tho so i tell her a few things about it.

Reasoning that she's asked me a question of a personal nature she wouldn't normally ask me at work i decide to "return the favour".

I ask her out.

Well i think that's what i do.

My memory around that time is slightly shakey.

I think she said that she "didn't think it was a good idea" and that "i was only saying this because i was drunk" (cue me saying "i'd be saying this even if i was sober").

Hmmmm anyway my memory is slightly shakey.

After the initial KB i think i might have alluded to a more "purely physical relationship" perhaps maybe or something you know if she didn't want to date me because of the whole "having to work with me thing" you know just sex etc.

OK so thats happened.

You don't ask you don't get.

No big deal.

My brain understands this.

Unfortunately however my body does not.

AND NOW FOR WHAT IS PROBABLY THE MOST EMBARRASING THING WHICH HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME ...

My body.

My ****ing piece of shit body.

My ****ing body betrays me.

Now there are probably reasons.

I was tired.

I was pretty drunk.

The whole "Dunblane thing" gets me "emotional" at the best of times.

I was probably going into shock after she said "no" (i was that convinced she'd say "yes").

Anyways those are just excuses no matter how valid.

The truth is i started crying.

Well not really crying.

More "filling up".

Right there amongst the folk i work with.

God i tried to stop.

Ohhhhhhh how i tried.

But it's difficult.

It wasn't like i had wanted to start in the first place.

So tears started forming at the corner of my eyes.

And more tears followed those.

And the bottom line was maybe i wasn't crying but it certainly looked that way.

So i go to the toilet to try and "compose" myself.

And out of sight i manage it.

And the folk from work are "moving on" to another pub.

And i decide to go home taking my bloodshot eyes with me.

And i feel like a complete and utter dick.

So there you have it.

The first time i have ever cried in public.

The first time i have cried in a long, long time.

The first time and it's infront of a girl i quite like and would want to impress and as such would want to look strong and manly infront of and just end up doing the complete opposite.

And so maybe it's not really "hitting bottom" but it's the closest i ever want to get to it because it felt so very bad.

THE END

__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

By the sound of it, yes, she does like you. And I can understand her not wanting to say yes when you ask her out while utterly wasted cause it would be extremely awkward if you wake up in the morning and think 'oh fk did I do what I think I did' and have to swiftly backtrack. That would be WAAAAY more difficult than a friendly turn down while you are totally plastered. Given how people talk about beer goggles and shagging people you wouldnt usually look twice at while drunk, if she is actually properly interested in you it makes more sense for her to be cautious.

On Monday (or whenever you next see her), apologise if you acted stupidly while you were drunk but add that you did mean it when you asked her out. Doing it sober makes a big difference.

By the sound of it, yes, she does like you. And I can understand her not wanting to say yes when you ask her out while utterly wasted cause it would be extremely awkward if you wake up in the morning and think 'oh fk did I do what I think I did' and have to swiftly backtrack. That would be WAAAAY more difficult than a friendly turn down while you are totally plastered. Given how people talk about beer goggles and shagging people you wouldnt usually look twice at while drunk, if she is actually properly interested in you it makes more sense for her to be cautious.

That's what i figured.

I realised at the time with what she said i might have made a bit of a tacitcal error and gotten a little too drunk.

If i hadn't started acting like a complete tit then logically %wise speaking by the end of the night she might have gotten drunk enough to say yes anyway no matter what she thought at the start (well middle) of the night.

Yeah anyways i know it's my **** up.

It's not like this makes it any easier tho.

__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

On Monday (or whenever you next see her), apologise if you acted stupidly while you were drunk but add that you did mean it when you asked her out. Doing it sober makes a big difference.

On Monday i kept very quiet (all this happened a week ago).

"Eve" pretended that it hadn't happened.

"Eve" made a big deal of how "totally wasted" she was and how "She can't really remember the night" and she asked very innocently [i]"When did leave?" (and i know she knows exactly when i left).

I know it's all an act because she told me in great detail about a conversation she had with someone else later that night.

I also have a vague idea of how much she'd had to drink before my little "incident" (and it wasn't that much ... and i know she's a bit of a drinker).

I've decided not to bring it up in conversation (because being reminded of how weak you were once is not very pleasent).

I'm just glad she's hinting at the event (she mentioned about how "sometimes you cant tell what a person is going to be like drunk" and gave two examples of her friends who act completely different when drunk than when sober and considering im a "smiley happey person" when sober and she has only seen me drunk once and i cried i think this was a pretty clear allusion to me) and not saying anything specific.

On an aside ...

On break on Friday i was reading The Sun.

There was an article about some pre-op transexual and how he/she had fooled 6 guys on some game show or something.

I brought the paper down from the rec room to show "Eve".

She said she had seen the article.

We talked about it for a few minutes.

She asked me to read her her horoscope.

I couldn't find it.

She told me it was on the same page as the cartoons.

I found it.

I read it out loud.

It went something along the lines of:

"A person who jokes with you at work is hiding secret romantic feelings for you."

Well that was the first line of it anyway.

I got the impression i had just been "played"

Your opinions = ???

__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

I'd say to ask her out for a drink and just act normally. Don't make any 'clever' plans since they will always go wrong. Just see how it goes and let her make references to anything from the other night, not you. If she's interested, you should be able to tell.

TBH i wouldn't mind ****ing her but i cant be arsed with a relationship with her.

Asking her out for a drink would seem too relationshippy (which might/would be awkward at work whereas "just sex" should be ok).

I talked about dating to her with the full intention of just ****ing her and not taking it any further (i thought this would be in both our interests) however i'm going to call time on this before it even starts as things have begun badly.

I've "missed" on this occassion but there will be others \o/

__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

*as an aside i now have to watch what i say. I say things like "You're going to make me cry" in a variety of situations as like an automatic response (sometimes i don't even realise im saying it until i've finished) e.g. when someboday says that i have to go and do extra work or whatever. This is all well and good until i caught myself saying it during the week to "Eve" :( HELLO UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION!!!!!!1111

__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

And anyway it only happened the once so it's not like i'm a crybaby and you saying those things is really hurtful and i'm feeling a little emotional at the moment and a little low so i'd appreciate it if you stopped saying those nasty hurtful things because if you don't i just don't know what i'd do but maybe i could guess and maybe i dont think i'd like to do them.

__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

You're actually made of stone if you didn't break down laughing while reading that post.

__________________Efficiency, efficiency they say
Get to know the date and tell the time of day
As the crowds begin complaining
How the Beaujolais is raining
Down on darkened meetings on the Champs Élysées

You're actually made of stone if you didn't break down laughing while reading that post.

i think you may be right here jonny, i must admit dace, as someone who doesnt have the best of luck with the ladies (including just haveing been dumped by text message for the second time in a row)i still laughed
sorry

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dace

I'd rather the paedo jokes continue.

we all heard it, just in case he decides to change it later, dace would rather be a paedo than a crybaby!

i think you may be right here jonny, i must admit dace, as someone who doesnt have the best of luck with the ladies (including just haveing been dumped by text message for the second time in a row)i still laughed
sorry

At least you have enough luch to get with women.

At the moment i dont even seem to have that.

I'd swap places any day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadrunner_0

i we all heard it, just in case he decides to change it later, dace would rather be a paedo than a crybaby!

Too true.

__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.