Tuesday, April 05, 2011

If I Were a Drag Queen I'd Want My Name to Be Carte Blanche

One of the things I very much enjoy about writing a column for Knitty is that the lady in charge over there usually lets me muck about unsupervised. I admit that I've had an issue with authority figures at least since my first report card came home with the notation, "An intelligent child, but often needs reminding that he is not the person in charge."

In my own defense, I well remember the person in charge of that kindergarten; and she needed reminding of a few things, such as the indignity of engaging in semantics with a five-year-old. We had quite the little debate about my decision to stick a black-and-white photograph of a banana on the collage of Things That Are Yellow. I maintained that bananas are yellow, even if this picture of them hadn't been printed in color. She ripped the bananas off the poster and put me in the corner.

I lost that battle, but carried the day when it came time to name the towering, green papier-mache brontosaurus we'd all built as a group art project. My suggestion, "Raquel Welch," won by a landslide in spite of her attempts to bully and intimidate the electorate. She preferred "Greenie," the (if you ask me) pedestrian and predictible brainstorm of Jennifer K., one of the four Jennifers in our class of 25. Jennifer K. was a perfect little angel who never, ever asked the tough questions like, "If you're tired, why do we have to take a nap?"

Of course, to her credit, she tallied the votes fairly. Maybe she knew if there were so much as a whisper of fraud I'd have gone to the principal and demanded a recount.

Wait. What the hell was I writing about?

Knitty. Right.

The Spring + Summer issue is up, and I'm in it. And I forgot, when the last issue hit, to publicly thank Amy Singer for not even batting an eyelash when I referred to a famous, fictitious knitter as a "stone-cold pain in the ass." There are not a whole lot of fiber arts publications that will let you call somebody a pain in the ass, even though–this is strictly between us–the world of fiber arts is replete with persons (self included) who are a pain in the ass.

This issue's pattern first appeared in 1843, but I'll be a monkey's muffatee if the thing doesn't look like it was designed last Tuesday.

It's a neckerchief knit on the bias (the drape is to die) that can easily–and I mean easily–be worked as a full-size shawl in whatever weight yarn you fancy. In fact, the original author's directions for a shawl variation are right there, down at the bottom, in case you just aren't a neckerchief sort of person.

Upcoming Events

I'm going to be back in Boston at the Common Cod Fiber Guild on May 13, 2011. I was the speaker at the Guild's first meeting, and take some pride in the fact that there was ever a second meeting.

June 24-26, I'll once again be at the Midwest Fiber & Folk Art Festival in Grayslake, Illinois. I don't know the full teaching line-up (it'll be posted soon, I hear), but I know they're bringing in some big names again this year.

And in July, I'll be over in London at Knit Nation, the schedule for which is now up. It bodes well that I've just received my Tier 5 Creative Worker Sponsorship Certificate, which makes it legal for me to teach in the UK. Her Majesty's Goverment was most obliging.

That's not the whole summer calendar, but that's what I can tell you about as of now. Stay tuned.

51 comments:

that can easily–and I mean easily–be worked as a full-size shawl in whatever weight yarn you fancy

Thank you for this. I have one of my favorite yarns in four different colorways that I adore, and was looking for the perfect shawl for myself. 800 yards of worsted weight alpaca/silk/merino would be lovely in that pattern, hey?

Hey Franklin, you are my heads up this season that Knitty is up again. Thanks for that. Enjoyed reading both your blog and your article in Knitty. I think this piece would make a great men's scarf too - (and since the only other men's pattern is a sock for giants (size 14! - ooo eeee) I have to grasp at any straw I can find. Thanks for delighting me and the rest of your readership yet again.

Now, see, this is why I am a substitute teacher. If a kid gives me a logical reason for behavior or makes me laugh, I'll let him/her get away with whatever it was. Very few administrators like this attitude. Keep subverting the system!

My mother wanted to be called Blanche by her grandchildren, before she had any. Then she wanted to be called Memere.

My son also was reminded by his early teachers about who was in charge. He's better now that he's in HS and honors classes, except w/ the general science teacher, fresh meat as far as I can tell. Very nice, but not too bright. And I got a D in conduct in 4th grade (4th chapter of the history book, William Penn, it was the end of history for me...) for LAUGHING at my pal Sheila. Who I had also spent a lot of time in the classroom corners because of during the prior years.

I LOVE the b&w banana semantics discussion. That is hysterical and you were totally in the right. completely. After laughing out loud (but quietly so as not to alert my cubemates) I was slightly sickened by the fact that she ripped that off the wall and put you in the corner. I'm glad she didn't manage to completely squash your creativity at age 5, look at you now! Also, I don't know your age, but the 4 Jennifers gave me a big hint. We had 5 in my class!

Were we separated at birth? I had very similar arguments with my kindergarten teacher. :) I still can't figure out why so many people believe the person in charge is the smartest person in the room...s/he usually isn't. And a little bout with authority is good for the soul.

So jealous that you're going to England; that's pretty much where I want to be all the time. I love that neckerchief-shawl! And I love that you resurrect so many long-lost patterns for us. Thanks for that.

It sounds like we would have gotten along in school - my mom has many stories about my attempts to take charge of the classroom at the slightest sign of weakness. Substitute teachers never quite knew what hit them.

I'm glad that you are getting a lot of exposure on Knitty, and it is wonderful to see these truly vintage (*ahem* antinque) patterns brought to people like me who just don't want to translate from the knitting terminology of years past.

Wow, this pattern is begging for 87 different variations. I think I hear my stash whispering to me that it all wants to be this neckerchief/shawl/drapey thing. Get in line, skeins! I only have two hands! And a Ravelry queue a mile long!

I'm impressed with your grasp of directions and artistic sensibility at the age of 5. "Things that are yellow" indeed. I suppose teaching kindergarten could make one a more concrete thinker over time...but it sounds like your teacher wanted to remain inside the box, even though you took the lid off.

Holy crap. You totally brought back all the memories of the day that my third grade teacher (who only wore purple--including her stockings) made us go around the room and name animals. I, very cleverly I thought, suggested that human beings were animals. She got totally in my face and started saying things like "do we have whiskers" "do we have wet noses" "do we have tails". So I asked her back, "good, good, fine. Then what are we--vegetable or mineral"

P.S. I went to an all girls Catholic high school and freshman year, the entire freshman class (all 180 of us) had to be in our production of "A Christmas Carol". Halfway through rehearsals, I started laughing and couldn't stop and got hauled out in front of everyone by Sister Maria to find out just what was so damn funny. You see, we were all girls and the only female part was Mrs. Cratchet who only had one line and I thought it was BEYOND funny that basically, with all these girls playing men's parts, we were doing a drag show. Sister Lady Bunny did not see the humor in it.

Something happened and I was unable to update your blog on my computer since December 28th. I can't tell you how (needlessly) worried I have been about you. I feel silly now, but thank goodness you are o.k.!

I am so very excited: this evening I managed to book onto your Sunday photography class at Knit Nation. I can't wait. I will have to -forcibly- stop myself from counting the days, I'm sure {cough}. Hurrah for a Tier 5 certificate, whatever that might be...

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I have not checked in here for some time because I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are good quality so I guess I'll add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend :)

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