Help please...need advice

Alright so my DF works for our local Family Dollar as the store manager. He doesn't make much but we get by. He gets about 520.00 a week. Well he reciently decided he wants to step down to an assistant manager position for awhile because he worked for them for one day before they called him and wanted to send him off to be trained as a manager. He went to the training and while he was gone our store caught fire so they sent him out on the road managing one store here and there for like a couple weeks at a time. We've been back home now and he's been in his store since April. Well we just had a baby in September and I've been watching him closely for a few months now and it seems like we never have any money. He gets paid on Friday and we are usually out of money by Wednesday. We even ran out of gas yesterday and I had to borrow 30 bucks from my 72 year old grandmother who is living on Social Security to go get some gas. We are out of food in our fridge and I have two boys from a previous relationship that are with us every other week and they are here this week. He sent me down to our property managers the other day to put 200.00 towards our rent as he made an agreement with them that he would pay 125.00 every week and I find out that we are still 300.00 short for October and it's almost Novemeber and we will have another 500.00 due on the first. That will put us up to 800.00 due because of the back rent. I also worry every day that our phones are going to be shut off because he's behind on paying them too. Now he wants to step down and get some more training and maybe take another manager positon in a year or so but that means he'll be making even less than he is right now. I've discussed my concerns over our financial situation with him and he always tells me that he's got everything under control but I don't feel like he is and it scares me that if we can be out of money a few days after he gets paid now that when he makes less we will really hurt. I don't know how to ask him to let me help with the budgeting because we were talking the other day and I mentioned that my cousin's husband works and hands his paycheck over to her and then she pays the bills (but she also thinks her husband is made of money and the only thing he's good for is a paycheck). And he was like "Yeah that'll never happen." I don't know what to do but I'm stressing out that we are going to lose our place because we keep getting behind on rent and we are going to lose our phones because we can't catch up on that either. Ugh I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions on how to help or get him to let me help? I tried looking for some work that I could do from home to kind of suppliment our income a little so I could afford the clohtes that my kids need because we don't have enough money to buy them clothes right now but everything seems like a scam and I scan the paper every week for job openings but it seems like there is nothing and it would be silly for me to work because I'd be working just to pay a daycare with the prices they charge and that would be redundant. Go to work just to hand my paycheck to someone for watching my kid while I go to work. Thanks for reading this if you've got this far. I wasn't planning on this being so long.

Alright so my DF works for our local Family Dollar as the store manager. He doesn't make much but we get by. He gets about 520.00 a week. Well he reciently decided he wants to step down to an assistant manager position for awhile because he worked for them for one day before they called him and wanted to send him off to be trained as a manager. He went to the training and while he was gone our store caught fire so they sent him out on the road managing one store here and there for like a couple weeks at a time. We've been back home now and he's been in his store since April. Well we just had a baby in September and I've been watching him closely for a few months now and it seems like we never have any money. He gets paid on Friday and we are usually out of money by Wednesday. We even ran out of gas yesterday and I had to borrow 30 bucks from my 72 year old grandmother who is living on Social Security to go get some gas. We are out of food in our fridge and I have two boys from a previous relationship that are with us every other week and they are here this week. He sent me down to our property managers the other day to put 200.00 towards our rent as he made an agreement with them that he would pay 125.00 every week and I find out that we are still 300.00 short for October and it's almost Novemeber and we will have another 500.00 due on the first. That will put us up to 800.00 due because of the back rent. I also worry every day that our phones are going to be shut off because he's behind on paying them too. Now he wants to step down and get some more training and maybe take another manager positon in a year or so but that means he'll be making even less than he is right now. I've discussed my concerns over our financial situation with him and he always tells me that he's got everything under control but I don't feel like he is and it scares me that if we can be out of money a few days after he gets paid now that when he makes less we will really hurt. I don't know how to ask him to let me help with the budgeting because we were talking the other day and I mentioned that my cousin's husband works and hands his paycheck over to her and then she pays the bills (but she also thinks her husband is made of money and the only thing he's good for is a paycheck). And he was like "Yeah that'll never happen." I don't know what to do but I'm stressing out that we are going to lose our place because we keep getting behind on rent and we are going to lose our phones because we can't catch up on that either. Ugh I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions on how to help or get him to let me help? I tried looking for some work that I could do from home to kind of suppliment our income a little so I could afford the clohtes that my kids need because we don't have enough money to buy them clothes right now but everything seems like a scam and I scan the paper every week for job openings but it seems like there is nothing and it would be silly for me to work because I'd be working just to pay a daycare with the prices they charge and that would be redundant. Go to work just to hand my paycheck to someone for watching my kid while I go to work. Thanks for reading this if you've got this far. I wasn't planning on this being so long.

Ask him where the $$ is?? My ex husband n i knew wht qas due when, wrote it on a calendar. We kept receipts for even a pk of gum, i knew every penny we spent & he didnt hand me his check. No offense, but r u educated or just looking for a min wage job in the paper? I dont want to work & b away from my kids, but i do. I worked an hour n a half away 430a-5p plus holidays just to literally pay for daycare so i could get an education tht i was 30k in debt for...but its wht i had to do so i could provide once he was layed off. I didnt like handing over my checks, being gone 7 days a wk, but its wht ppl do to get ahead.

Ask him where the $$ is?? My ex husband n i knew wht qas due when, wrote it on a calendar. We kept receipts for even a pk of gum, i knew every penny we spent & he didnt hand me his check. No offense, but r u educated or just looking for a min wage job in the paper? I dont want to work & b away from my kids, but i do. I worked an hour n a half away 430a-5p plus holidays just to literally pay for daycare so i could get an education tht i was 30k in debt for...but its wht i had to do so i could provide once he was layed off. I didnt like handing over my checks, being gone 7 days a wk, but its wht ppl do to get ahead.

I couldn't stand to live that way. I would DEMAND to know where it's all going. Can you look at bank statements? Is he depositing his entire check? Does he pay for everything with cash? Don't be a doormat and tell him it's a 50/50 deal.

I couldn't stand to live that way. I would DEMAND to know where it's all going. Can you look at bank statements? Is he depositing his entire check? Does he pay for everything with cash? Don't be a doormat and tell him it's a 50/50 deal.

I am in a very similar situation, including the back rent and the phones have been shut off. My dp's income is from a small business which makes keeping track even harder becuase I would have to ask him every week and month what he earned. I do not like being in that position and have used any credit card or tax refund to survive, BUT maybe you can learn from me. It's been this way for more than a year. He's "had it under control" (not) and will hardly let me in on budgeting. Well I have hears the same stories over and over about a check he's waiting on, etc. Let me tell you if we don't start going over every detail like the pack of gum, it's going to end up being a deal breaker for us. I am telling you so you don't have to wait a year being nice and patient like me. :) you are going to have to tell him NO on the assistant manager thing. I am a person who is hesitant to put my foot down like that because I think he's an adult and so do what he wants. But, my dp needs some real guidance. This is going to be the test of our partnership. You have a right to be secure and know what is going on when you two have a family together. And you are sacrificing your time with the kids which has huge value. Do you think he is hiding something or just careless? Stand up for yourself, and so will I.

I am in a very similar situation, including the back rent and the phones have been shut off. My dp's income is from a small business which makes keeping track even harder becuase I would have to ask him every week and month what he earned. I do not like being in that position and have used any credit card or tax refund to survive, BUT maybe you can learn from me. It's been this way for more than a year. He's "had it under control" (not) and will hardly let me in on budgeting. Well I have hears the same stories over and over about a check he's waiting on, etc. Let me tell you if we don't start going over every detail like the pack of gum, it's going to end up being a deal breaker for us. I am telling you so you don't have to wait a year being nice and patient like me. :) you are going to have to tell him NO on the assistant manager thing. I am a person who is hesitant to put my foot down like that because I think he's an adult and so do what he wants. But, my dp needs some real guidance. This is going to be the test of our partnership. You have a right to be secure and know what is going on when you two have a family together. And you are sacrificing your time with the kids which has huge value. Do you think he is hiding something or just careless? Stand up for yourself, and so will I.

No my job would have to be min wage. I have a GED that I got after I had my first son at 16. I usually waitress when I have to get a job and that doesn't pay crap. We live in a small town with about 4 hamburger/coffee shop type resturants that aren't places where people tip good because it's mostly locals just having a dollar cup of coffe so they might leave a quarter or fifty cents on the table. I always wanted to be a medical assistant but my ex-husband was controlling and didn't support me on wanting to further my education and now if I wanted to go to college I'd have to move and doing that would mean leaving my older two kids behind and I can't do that. I've looked into online schooling but the ones I've checked into say that for the medical assistant program requires classroom hands on time.

No my job would have to be min wage. I have a GED that I got after I had my first son at 16. I usually waitress when I have to get a job and that doesn't pay crap. We live in a small town with about 4 hamburger/coffee shop type resturants that aren't places where people tip good because it's mostly locals just having a dollar cup of coffe so they might leave a quarter or fifty cents on the table. I always wanted to be a medical assistant but my ex-husband was controlling and didn't support me on wanting to further my education and now if I wanted to go to college I'd have to move and doing that would mean leaving my older two kids behind and I can't do that. I've looked into online schooling but the ones I've checked into say that for the medical assistant program requires classroom hands on time.

You sound like an intelligent person. How about try taking care of someone's baby while they work? It would allow you to stay home and make some money while doing so. About your husband. You're going to have to talk with him and set some financial goals.

You sound like an intelligent person. How about try taking care of someone's baby while they work? It would allow you to stay home and make some money while doing so. About your husband. You're going to have to talk with him and set some financial goals.

I agree with pp. maybe you guys can sit down together write out what bills you have monthly whats due when....when paychecks r coming and write down on a calendar together what you are going to pay with what paychecks. Then he wont be handing the paychecks over to you. However if the money is gone and not going on bills only he has the answer to where its going and it sounds like you may not be gettng any answers :-( it soundz like he might make enough money if it was spent right or is there honeslty not enough money coming in? I had to deal with this in my first marrage. He made enough money and he wanted me to stay at home which I enjoyed and he put his checks in the bank. We would write out bills and then some of them wouldnt clear. Come to find out he would turn around and take money out of the bank knowing we already spent it on bills. Long story short I never did find out what he was spending it on we went to counsiling but we couldnt work it out! I hope u can work thngs out and u have a happy endng. I am finally happy though 4 years later it was very VERY rough! Good luck! (Sorry this was so long I just heard myself talking when u posted this)

I agree with pp. maybe you guys can sit down together write out what bills you have monthly whats due when....when paychecks r coming and write down on a calendar together what you are going to pay with what paychecks. Then he wont be handing the paychecks over to you. However if the money is gone and not going on bills only he has the answer to where its going and it sounds like you may not be gettng any answers :-( it soundz like he might make enough money if it was spent right or is there honeslty not enough money coming in? I had to deal with this in my first marrage. He made enough money and he wanted me to stay at home which I enjoyed and he put his checks in the bank. We would write out bills and then some of them wouldnt clear. Come to find out he would turn around and take money out of the bank knowing we already spent it on bills. Long story short I never did find out what he was spending it on we went to counsiling but we couldnt work it out! I hope u can work thngs out and u have a happy endng. I am finally happy though 4 years later it was very VERY rough! Good luck! (Sorry this was so long I just heard myself talking when u posted this)

Thank you for the advice. I will try and talk to him about sitting down and writing out what our bills are. Our phones got shut off yesterday so yeah this has to stop. He came home yesterday and told me that he starts as an assistant manager on Monday. I'm not excited about it at all. I understand his reasoning about it but at the same time I'm so nervous that we aren't going to have any money for anything now. Ugh my first marriage was so different than this relationship. My ex used to make me work and then he took all the money that I made but at least our bills got paid. He was never late on anything. I love my DF but his spending habits are going to drive me up the freaking wall.

Thank you for the advice. I will try and talk to him about sitting down and writing out what our bills are. Our phones got shut off yesterday so yeah this has to stop. He came home yesterday and told me that he starts as an assistant manager on Monday. I'm not excited about it at all. I understand his reasoning about it but at the same time I'm so nervous that we aren't going to have any money for anything now. Ugh my first marriage was so different than this relationship. My ex used to make me work and then he took all the money that I made but at least our bills got paid. He was never late on anything. I love my DF but his spending habits are going to drive me up the freaking wall.

Aw sorry! Hopefully there are other good things about him that are better! My dp's finances are not transparent and I am still working in getting in there to help figure it out. My phone was turned off too and I hate that feeling! You even need it for saftey in my opinion.

Aw sorry! Hopefully there are other good things about him that are better! My dp's finances are not transparent and I am still working in getting in there to help figure it out. My phone was turned off too and I hate that feeling! You even need it for saftey in my opinion.

Being without a phone with my eight week old daughter freaks me out. I'm here alone with her right now with no vehicle because my DF is at work and he won't be home until almost ten so I'm praying that nothing happens to us cuz I have no way to get help :(

Being without a phone with my eight week old daughter freaks me out. I'm here alone with her right now with no vehicle because my DF is at work and he won't be home until almost ten so I'm praying that nothing happens to us cuz I have no way to get help :(

my boyfriend is the same way with money he get payed by the end of the first weekend it is gone.. we don't live together but are talking about it and what i am probably gonna ask of him is figure up what it would cost out of each check approximately and then tell him u need to give me this much each check so i can put it back b4 u spend any the rest unless the baby needs something is urs to what ever with..or something along those lines if thats not suitable for him i wont move in cause i don't wanna nor can i afford to support him n a baby and myself..as much as i would probably do it if i could..but it isnt my responsibility. i dont know if thats harsh or not of me but my child must come first if that means me n her only then so be it. As far as you finding a job..if u can find one where it makes sense to go to work i would it would show him u are willing and want to help maybe that would get him to allow you to take over the finances so u guys can get out of the whole..also there is low income child care help out there if u would qualify and it sounds like u would if you want the help or need it to be able to keep your home..hope i was able to at least give you some ideas..some men really struggle to allow women to budget cause they feel it is there pockets being hurt unfortunately,

my boyfriend is the same way with money he get payed by the end of the first weekend it is gone.. we don't live together but are talking about it and what i am probably gonna ask of him is figure up what it would cost out of each check approximately and then tell him u need to give me this much each check so i can put it back b4 u spend any the rest unless the baby needs something is urs to what ever with..or something along those lines if thats not suitable for him i wont move in cause i don't wanna nor can i afford to support him n a baby and myself..as much as i would probably do it if i could..but it isnt my responsibility. i dont know if thats harsh or not of me but my child must come first if that means me n her only then so be it. As far as you finding a job..if u can find one where it makes sense to go to work i would it would show him u are willing and want to help maybe that would get him to allow you to take over the finances so u guys can get out of the whole..also there is low income child care help out there if u would qualify and it sounds like u would if you want the help or need it to be able to keep your home..hope i was able to at least give you some ideas..some men really struggle to allow women to budget cause they feel it is there pockets being hurt unfortunately,

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