tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68351501504941352762018-02-07T14:25:28.996-08:00Andy Plays GamesCartoonist-guy Andrew Deavin and his ramblings on the videogame culture; reviews, opinionated previews, and wicked satirical homages.Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.comBlogger100125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-18293514440252569932014-05-16T23:14:00.002-07:002014-05-17T21:12:50.540-07:00A Look Back at Pacific Rim<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-D6GlnBz7QxM/U3b5-FLd_tI/AAAAAAAAB6U/_zhgT-vet54/s1600/del_toro_pacific_rim2%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-D6GlnBz7QxM/U3b5-FLd_tI/AAAAAAAAB6U/_zhgT-vet54/s1600/del_toro_pacific_rim2%5B1%5D.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div><br />Time for a thought exercise.<br /><br />I want you to imagine a child. A kind of small, impressionable young boy. He's playing in the bathtub with toy boats and rubber ducks and basically having a real fun time. And then he's like, oh man, what if the boat was a boat and the duck was a <i>Godzilla</i>. And he smashes the duck into the boat, making fake Godzilla roars with his mouth and just reliving the same moments he just saw on TV in black and white, but, like, it's <i>him</i>&nbsp;doing it. And he's pretty happy about it.<br /><br />Now I want you to imagine that the kid has grown up and their name is Guillermo Del Toro and they're given millions of dollars to do the duck and boat thing but instead of a rubber duck and a toy boat in a bathtub, it's a real boat and a giant CGI duck in the Industrial Light and Magic office. And instead of making fake Godzilla roars with his mouth, it's Tom Morello making weird cool noises on his 'lectric geetar on the soundtrack. You've pretty much just imagined how <i>Pacific Rim</i> was made. Probably.<br /><a name='more'></a><br />I love <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;a lot. It's probably too much. It's probably to the point of obsession. I didn't love it quite as much when I first saw it. I thought the film was great and dense and beautiful but I kind of was disappointed that it was all for the sake of putting big robots and monsters against each other and making them fight. Like, that was disappointing to me. I was basically the guy who showed up to <i>The Avengers</i>&nbsp;expecting the Justice League might show up. Sure, it's the vein of the right idea, but I still leave the theatre woefully disappointed.<br /><br />Picking up <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;on Blu-ray, my love for the film began to grow. A lot. That's ignoring the fact that the transfer seemed to have brightened up a lot of the more murky and dark parts of a film which is set almost exclusively at night. In particular, though, special features: watching any footage of Guillermo Del Toro doing and talking about... well, <i>anything</i>. I want you to take the time to watch<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYoAIgjlvL4" target="_blank"> this footage from a Japanese morning show</a> in which they show Del Toro around a Gundam museum. He just kind of gawks at statues of big robots with his mouth open. He's like a child in a candy store, but instead of candy, it's Gundams, and instead of a store, it's a museum.<br /><br />See, I get the impression that Del Toro is a really smart man. Like, perhaps the <i>smartest</i>&nbsp;man. He is perhaps the smartest filmmaker in Hollywood; he's certainly one of the most visually attuned directors. His movies are so rich in detail, and the way he frames his elements are so artistically and technically refined that no matter what kind of film he makes you can at least bet that it'll be strikingly beautiful. But he's a smart man without pretentiousness. He is a smart man that is making films for his inner child. He's making films like <i>Hellboy</i>&nbsp;and <i>Pan's Labyrinth</i>, and sure, they're kind of thematically subtle and they have great actors in them but when you get down to it, they're both about <i>being children</i>. Hellboy is a big kid who loses his dad and has to struggle without a father figure. Ofelia is literally a child who is burdened with all manner of weird, crazy, occult shit, as well as fascists who just don't like anyone or anything. And a big frog that lives in a tree.<br /><br />My point is that Del Toro does not make films from the perspective of A Smart Man. He makes films from the perspective of children. Whether that is himself as a child, like in <i>Pacific Rim</i>, or other children, like in <i>Pan's Labyrinth</i>, it is nontheless a rare perspective - especially considering his clout and talent. As the world grew up around him, he made sure to stay true to his own roots. This all, of course, culminates in <i>Pacific Rim</i>, which is essentially just "all the stuff I liked growing up but is now a film".<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XFG6c-Ae8ns/U3b7TK5MY1I/AAAAAAAAB6c/jL2CzFU1a5o/s1600/Jaeger_Program_Pons_Test%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XFG6c-Ae8ns/U3b7TK5MY1I/AAAAAAAAB6c/jL2CzFU1a5o/s1600/Jaeger_Program_Pons_Test%5B1%5D.jpg" height="221" width="400" /></a></div><br />I want you to consider the influences of <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;and see how deep this rabbit hole goes. Obviously we have the mecha genre; the anime of the 70s, the tokusatsu series like <i>Super Sentai</i>. Then you got your kaiju genre; the classics, of course, the Japanese&nbsp;<i>Godzilla</i>, <i>King Ghidorah, Mothra, </i>and <i>Gamera,&nbsp;</i>but then you also got your Western stuff like <i>The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms</i>&nbsp;and <i>Them!</i>, as well as your adventure films like <i>Jason and the Argonauts</i>&nbsp;and <i>Flash Gordon</i>. Then you got a very heavy Lovecraftian influence; visions of Hell and Hellbeasts, madness, insanity, all that. And of course there's heavy doses of Mexican wrestling, <i>War of the Worlds</i>, <i>The Day the Earth Stood Still, </i>right up to more modern sci-fi like <i>Star Wars</i>&nbsp;and&nbsp;<i>Independence&nbsp;Day</i>. There's even elements of techo-thrillers. Then you throw in Del Toro's signature art deco-esque aesthetics and you got yourself what we call a "melting pot".<br /><br />So <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;wears its influences very much on its sleeve. Is there original material in there? Well, I like to think so. Reading back-up material like <i>Tales from Year Zero</i>&nbsp;reveals a meticulously rich world that has been crafted for <i>Pacific Rim</i>; characters like Stacker Pentecost are granted a larger degree of depth and intrigue, and a lot of technical details are explained in considerable detail, in particular why Jaegars were considered a viable option for fighting the Kaiju at all. It's all very smart and writer Travis Beecham at least understands the minute factors that go into making a believable sci-fi universe.<br /><br />That's not what I'm here to talk about, though. I <i>could</i>&nbsp;rave about <i>Pacific Rim</i>'s intense genius in terms of its lore (and its score... and its cinematography...) for a <i>long </i>time; there's a lot to talk about, and it's all much larger than a single film would imply. It isn't what makes <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;so intensely likeable, though. That stuff is all so cold, and calculated - it's filling in blanks created by something that is essential to <i>Pacific Rim</i>'s success.&nbsp;<i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;is a great movie because it is so <i>overjoyed to exist</i>. Not a cynical bone in its entire body. Every robot, every monster, every human character that has any time in the script, <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;is happy about. Del Toro's perspective as a director lends the entire production a reverence and a joy... a <i>humanity</i>.<br /><br />This is what impressed me when I first saw the film. I really did enjoy that it was a story about rising up against impossible odds, showing pretty much every corner of the Earth rallying together for a common cause. It's a feel-good movie! Very few monster movies are feel-good, and even with <i>Pacific Rim</i>'s obvious horror influence, there's never a moment the film isn't at least a little bit fun. It's part of what makes me think that the new <i>Godzilla</i>&nbsp;film can't possibly out-do <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;at least creatively - I mean, I've watched Gareth Edward's <i>Monsters</i>, and I think he's a very clever guy, but <i>Godzilla</i>&nbsp;is going to be a very dark, very scary film. <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;is more of a cartoon by comparison, and it's every bit the richer for it, at least by my tastes.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JT9DMhuqNGM/U3b8YQeknBI/AAAAAAAAB6s/ziGcx7p-Ihg/s1600/pacific-rim-chinac2bfs-crimson-typhoon-faces-off-against-a-kaiju-code-name-otachi%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JT9DMhuqNGM/U3b8YQeknBI/AAAAAAAAB6s/ziGcx7p-Ihg/s1600/pacific-rim-chinac2bfs-crimson-typhoon-faces-off-against-a-kaiju-code-name-otachi%5B1%5D.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></div><br />The proof is in the pudding. Of <i>Pacific Rim</i>'s very, very large cast, all of them end up overcoming their personal story arcs and coming out on top. Err, except for the ones that die, I guess. But even then, their deaths are very much not in vain; a lot of effort is put into making sure that we, the audience, understand that their sacrifices are very much meaningful. There are parts of <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;where characters know all hope is lost and decide to go and spit death in the face instead of mull about it, because it's what their friends would want of them ("we could take those flares and do something <i>really stupid</i>"). Oh, and every character interaction that is initially hostile ends up being positive by the end of the film! In particular, the two scientists of Newt and Gottlieb; they hate each other intensely at the start, and their entire arc is them <i>learning to love each other</i>. Love! I'd say "no homo," but <i>probably a little bit of homo!</i>&nbsp;It's very uplifting!<br /><br />And I don't want to sound like I don't like loathing and horror and fear and sadness - especially in monster movies. Why, <i>Godzilla </i>(the original - <i>Gojira</i>, if you want to be specific) is very bleak, and very mournful. It takes itself seriously and I honestly find it depressing as hell. And that's <i>great. </i>That's awesome. I mean, years later we get Godzilla in films like <i>Son of Godzilla</i>&nbsp;and I sure as hell am not praising that for being jovial and upbeat; to the contrary, if <i>Son of Godzilla</i>&nbsp;had a ruthless bludgeoning of Minilla to death, I'd be far more approving. <i>Pacific Rim</i>, though, comes at a very good time. I don't think it would work a few years earlier or later; surrounded by releases like <i>Man of Steel</i>&nbsp;and <i>The Dark Knight Rises</i>&nbsp;and the new <i>Godzilla... </i>the positive worldview is endlessly refreshing (in particular from a Warner Bros. film).<br /><br />Here, though, is my epiphany. When I first saw it, I had not considered that <i>Pacific Rim</i>'s fight scenes carried the same optimistic excitement. I believed the film was at its most comfortable when pilots were <i>out</i> of their Jaegars. And still my favourite scene in the entire film is that of young Mako stumbling through a ruined Tokyo, shoe in her hands, tears of pain-stricken loss rolling down her cheeks. That there is <i>Pacific Rim</i>'s heart, and a film as goofy as <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;needs a heart. I had just not considered that the heart had actually found its way into the clashes between the Jaegars and Kaiju.<br /><br />There really are only <i>three</i>&nbsp;set-piece fight scenes in <i>Pacific Rim</i>, if you don't include ancillary footage like Striker Eureka in Sydney. The first fight sets up Raleigh's conflict in the film. The second wraps up a lot of the resentment between human characters and shows that they are still capable of fighting back. And finally, the third one is a suicide run to destroy the breach and put the whole thing to bed. The key fight scene is of course the Hong Kong one; it's certainly the longest and most original, and is the most enjoyable by a fair margin - to say nothing of varied; it starts in the ocean, works its way to the shore and into the city, and soon finds itself at the edges of outer space.<br /><br />But the more it churns in my mind, the more I realize how unique each scene is. Emotionally, visually... they achieve very important things. Some of those things are plot-related, this much is true. The opening scene is really just to highlight the beginning of the end; the first and greatest loss that would fell the titans. The middle one shows us that all hands are on deck to kick some Kaiju ass like the good old days. And the third one... well, it ends the movie. It's all quick and to the point. That point, however, can sometimes be as simple as... well... I think Guillermo del Toro, the man-child that he is, just wanted to see <i>cool stuff happen</i>.<br /><br />Like, why is the last fight underwater? What impact does that have? Well, for one, in means the Kaiju get to swim around. It means a giant tentacled Cthulhu-esque Category 5 Kaiju gets to rise up menacingly from the depths. It means there gets to be an underwater nuke explosion. The second fight in Hong Kong explains itself. The first fight showcases some great "robot rescues boat" stuff. Do they fulfil story purposes? Sure, they do. But that's del Toro the director. What do these fights represent to del Toro the child? A chance to see some wicked awesome sweet stuff unfold. A chance to showcase the majesty and brutality of the Kaiju and the Jaegars. A chance to take those playfights in the bathtub and make them cinematic reality. Beautiful cinematic reality, at that - if I gush too much about how absolutely perfect <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;actually <i>looks</i>, this piece would be twice as long. I gotta focus, here.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cJCmsmTDEvg/U3b7_MtpMpI/AAAAAAAAB6k/cQe0tkCK8Io/s1600/Pacific-Rim-young-Mako-Mori%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cJCmsmTDEvg/U3b7_MtpMpI/AAAAAAAAB6k/cQe0tkCK8Io/s1600/Pacific-Rim-young-Mako-Mori%5B1%5D.jpg" height="240" width="400" /></a></div><br />Perspective really is important to the core of <i>Pacific Rim</i>. It's a film about scale, after all. Big things fighting big things; big things with smaller things inside of them, whether it be Jaegar pilots inside Jaegars or memories inside Jaegar pilots. After all, don't children see the entire world as big, scary, and full of giants? It's why the scenes of abject horror actually work (the death of Cherno Alpha springs to mind). It's why the film is allowed to be in awe of its own monsters. It's why, for all the spectacle of elbow rockets and Knifehead and Ron Perlman saying "where is my goddamn shoe!" and explosions... my mind always turns to the little girl holding her shoe - and her heart - in her hands.<br /><br />The scene with young Mako is <i>the</i>&nbsp;scene in <i>Pacific Rim</i>. Nothing else matters. It all fades away, like dust in the wind, to reveal the true soul of the piece. It's all there - reverence and fear of kaiju. Respect and hope. A crying child, made to feel better by her knight in 500ft tall, shining armour. (Striking contrast between red and blue against a dystopian, hopeless grey - purely aesthetically.) It's important, I think, to truly understand <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;- it is not a film with kaiju and mecha in it. It is not a film that aims to update the genres in any tangible way. It is a <i>love letter</i>&nbsp;to the genres; more homage than anything. And the man making that film is really just a big, soft, boy-at-heart.<br /><br /><i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;is <i>about</i> kaiju and mecha. It's about how it makes people feel. It's about witnessing the glory and the scope from a position few of us are privy to relive. Many people criticize the film for being mere fluff - a popcorn blockbuster, heavy on style and light on substance. After all, its characters are all tropes of tropes; stereotypes within stereotypes. Its villains show no sign of heroism, and its heroes show no sign of villainy. It is completely played straight, even at its silliest. But <i>that's the point</i>. I don't think I've seen a film so respectful of its roots, so excited to exist, and so... heartwarming, conceptually. With so many action films relying on nosgal<i>gia</i>, <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;is unique in its being nostal<i>gic.&nbsp;</i>You know del Toro told Mana Ashida (the Japanese girl who plays young Mako) to <a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/20id3z/japanese_child_actress_mana_was_embarrassed_that/" target="_blank">call him "Totoro"</a> because his full name was too hard for her? <i>How can you hate this movie!!</i><br /><br />I truly believe only the most cynical and stoic can truly claim to hate <i>Pacific Rim</i>. It's such an important film for me, and it has made me appreciate a lot more things in my life. Immaturity. Childishness. I've never been stranger to these things, but no director like Guillermo del Toro could prove how <i>important</i>&nbsp;these things are in a life. His film about giant robots and giant monsters only goes to prove that no matter how old we get, we should never lose the eyes of child. Because the moment we do is the moment we truly grow old.<br /><br />Guillermo del Toro agrees: growing old sucks. Sit and play with your bath toys instead.Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-20696450994842001012014-04-05T02:26:00.001-07:002014-04-05T20:16:30.901-07:00Review: "The Lego Movie"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JYzQ76NBDTM/Uz_InLsjt0I/AAAAAAAAB5I/PK1bzXVdVDo/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-04-19h32m52s173.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JYzQ76NBDTM/Uz_InLsjt0I/AAAAAAAAB5I/PK1bzXVdVDo/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-04-19h32m52s173.png" height="166" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i><i>The Lego Movie</i>&nbsp;is high art. I stand by that statement with 100% conviction, too. Despite being a laugh-a-second, impeccably-timed, must-see family comedy, it is <i>smart</i>. And by that I mean book-smarts smart; it brushes on so many themes, most of them having to do with <i>Lego itself as an institution</i>, that it kind of defies rational explanation. It's majestic in its audacity and it is audacious in its majesty, and directors Chris Lord and Phil Miller have bought an influence to the table that is completely bereft of irony and cynicism. Which isn't so impressive considering their prior masterworks, until you realize <i>it's a goddamn Lego movie</i>.<br /><br />In a world entirely made of Lego, we follow our protagonist Emmett, a minifigure so devoid of imagination, personality and free will, that he is a literal blank slate. He lives by the rules. He follows the instructions. The benevolent leader President Business (secretly the villainous and super-evil Lord Business) has basically brainwashed the entire world to be unquestioning and passive; none moreso than Emmett, who is basically destined to be completely forgotten. His only defining feature is that he is utterly generic and indistinct... until he stumbles upon the Piece of Resistance, and fulfils an eight-and-a-half-year-old prophecy, becoming The Special - a Master Builder so powerful he can stop the ancient weapon known as The Kragle, and save all the universe. Chased by Business' robotic minions, the schizophrenic Good Cop/Bad Cop, and his own looming sense of inadequacy, it's a race against the clock to save the world before Lord Business destroys it.<br /><a name='more'></a><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-L6hJmpQHnjg/Uz_Jt0B2mUI/AAAAAAAAB5U/zF8hxEiWckE/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-05-01h42m39s94.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-L6hJmpQHnjg/Uz_Jt0B2mUI/AAAAAAAAB5U/zF8hxEiWckE/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-05-01h42m39s94.png" height="165" width="400" /></a></div><br />Immediately impressive about the film is the visual style it carries with it. For a film based on and, ostensibly, <i>about</i>&nbsp;Lego, a vision true to the toy was undoubtedly required - and it has been emulated perfectly. The film is more or less completely computer-generated (some miniatures were photographed, though often merely used as lighting reference; although, a stunning end-credits sequence is completely stop-motion), but you couldn't tell by looking. Indeed, the film truly does look like proper, photographed stop-motion.<br /><br />A decision made to make sure that every single shot <i>could</i>&nbsp;be accomplished by hand - from camera angles to lighting sources - results in an uncannily lifelike aesthetic, made all the more impressive by absolutely <i>insane&nbsp;</i>action sequences, with acrobatic little minifigures meeting incredible choreographed set-pieces in a way that only computers could make possible. Though even as hundreds of thousands of Lego bricks form heated explosions and dazzling lighting and effects give credence to the idea that this is a multi-million-dollar computer-animated film, there's always a nagging sensation in the back of your mind that it could be real. Yes, this is all computer generated... but it <i>is </i>real Lego. Well, no, it's not. But it is! It's mind-bogglingly effective, and it all builds to stunning a conclusion of unmatched scope... except it's not, because they're all just Lego. They're not, but they are. It's stunning.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_13JTGMlDWQ/Uz_Kbj_0OGI/AAAAAAAAB50/AB3aPFSCHdA/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-05-01h41m48s85.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_13JTGMlDWQ/Uz_Kbj_0OGI/AAAAAAAAB50/AB3aPFSCHdA/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-05-01h41m48s85.png" height="165" width="400" /></a></div><br />More stunning is that these Lego characters have been breathed a life rarely seen in live-action actors. With only their tiny faces and beyond minimal limb movement to work with, the animators and voice actors have truly given human souls to the cast of minifigures. The entire film is extremely impressive, but perhaps most impressive is that after a while you do forget you are watching a film made entirely from tiny plastic pieces. Lord and Miller have proved they can tug at heartstrings, lending a gravitas to inanity; from <i>Clone High</i>&nbsp;to <i>21 Jump Street</i>, their farces have a expressive, irresistible humanity underneath their surfaces. <i>The Lego Movie</i>&nbsp;is perhaps their finest example, and it's an achievement that will captivate and spellbind audiences of all ages and dispositions.<br /><br />The story moves along at a thrilling pace. Separated into "worlds," almost every facet of Lego's rich history is seemingly covered, from their licensed materials like&nbsp;<i>Star Wars</i>&nbsp;and&nbsp;<i>Lord of the Rings</i>, to themes as simple as the Wild West, Space, City, Medieval Fantasy, Pirates, so on, so forth. As Lord Business has divided these worlds, so as to stifle imagination and free thinking, Emmett and his team burst through from one to the other, lending an immense amount of visual and aural variety into the 101 minutes&nbsp;<i>The Lego Movie</i>&nbsp;runs for. The film starts with a bang and inherently understands that brevity is the soul of wit, subsequently demonstrating aptly Lord and Miller's expert comedic timing. Jokes are lingered on for <i>just</i>&nbsp;long enough; one-liners are spouted and reacted to with sufficient tempo, and there are pauses for breath in all the right places. It feels almost like it must be a science, but their directorial style feels more like instinct to me; they live and breathe it, and attaching them to the film was absolutely Warner Bros.' best move.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-M4quMKq8fzo/Uz_J4vs0XnI/AAAAAAAAB5c/oRDK7HNiBWc/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-04-19h33m51s229.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-M4quMKq8fzo/Uz_J4vs0XnI/AAAAAAAAB5c/oRDK7HNiBWc/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-04-19h33m51s229.png" height="166" width="400" /></a></div><br />A standard adventure film in terms of structure, Emmett accrues a varied team of Master Builders - minifigures who can see and dissect the Lego world and use it to their advantage. They can build cars out of streets, submarines out of clouds, and spaceships out of televisions. While many of these Master Builders are original characters (from quasi-sorta-love interest Wyldstyle, to the elderly Vitruvius, and Unikitty, the part-cat part-unicorn princess of the majestic no-rules Cloud Cuckooland), there are a lot of recognizable faces used to stunning effect. In particular is Batman, who is played as sincerely as the rest of the cast despite being a giant slap in the face to the dark, brooding image of the Dark Knight that has come to resonate with pop culture. His song "Darkness, No Parents" (which he wrote <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqv_LUStxDw" target="_blank">and is real music</a>) makes a fine satirical point, but it kind of is also a sincere character moment. It's pretty great. Also worth a mention is Benny, the "1980-something Space Guy," whom older Lego fans will recognize as an astronaut from <a href="http://brickset.com/sets/theme-Space/year-1980" target="_blank">the Lego space range of the 80s</a>. Voiced by Charlie Day, his character arc is probably my favourite out of the whole film, though they all have an appealing amount of depth to them - even the intensely cruel Bad Cop. Hell, even the generic robotic foot soldiers and drones are intensely likeable. Lord and Miller have made a habit out of giving even side-characters great reasons to be intrinsically beloved.<br /><br />The bubbly cast, all-ages approach and innate Lego-flavoured charm will win over hearts and minds of the young and young-at-heart. A swift, to-the-point approach to storytelling, coupled with zinger-a-minute joke ratio, crackling cast dynamics, and good old-fashioned capital-F fun launch the film into the highest of regard, easily on par - if not above - the best of Pixar and Dreamworks as far as family animated comedies go. But beneath the glossy veneer, beneath the fun and games, there's an intelligence to the way this film approaches the source material... and it's an intelligence that at once melds with and contradicts almost everything Lego as a <i>business</i>&nbsp;works for.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-677PN9ORLcU/Uz_KEDbRzcI/AAAAAAAAB5k/Gbl4-vQNrfA/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-05-01h40m56s80.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-677PN9ORLcU/Uz_KEDbRzcI/AAAAAAAAB5k/Gbl4-vQNrfA/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-05-01h40m56s80.png" height="165" width="400" /></a></div><br />Lord and Miller explore such sincere and adult themes that it really does elevate itself beyond pretty much any toy tie-in movie you can think to name. The title "The Lego Movie" almost becomes literal as the film unravels its many layers and starts to genuinely explores Lego itself - its place in our culture, the generational rifts between Lego fans, and the tenants that Lego has seemingly always stood for of creativity, uniqueness, and learning... and the way that even Lego itself has moved beyond these simple goals as the interlocking system of bricks become a far more pragmatic, cold, calculated business. In fact, this multi-million-dollar production made for Lego as <i>The Lego Movie</i>&nbsp;intrinsically mocks Lego as an institution - and perhaps even the way people who buy Lego roll with the corporate punches. One joke I'm convinced had to absolutely be fought for (Lego would never let anything so snide fly under the radar) is when Emmett goes to buy "overpriced coffee" - $37 for a cup - and he throws his hands into the air exclaiming that it's "awesome".<br /><br />A light-hearted romp made out of a beloved toy brand doesn't <i>have</i>&nbsp;to be introspective. In fact, I can't think of a single advantage any tie-in film has in being introspective <i>of itself being a tie-in</i>. But, goddamn it, Lord and Miller pulled it off. It's not the most immediately enjoyable part of <i>The Lego Movie</i>; it pops with personality and laughs, slotting in right alongside other animated comedies as a simple, smart little cartoon, filled with numerous references and in-jokes, and basically just being exactly what the best version of a movie based on Lego <i>would</i>&nbsp;be. Someone, somewhere, let Lord and Miller get away with <i>this</i>&nbsp;version of <i>The Lego Movie</i>, though. It feels so anti-establishment, and when your film inherently <i>is</i>&nbsp;the establishment, I have no idea how to approach critiquing that. Some of the jokes really hit me properly, personally hard; in particular, the uncreative Emmett, who really does need instructions to tell him what to do, as he makes ineffectual and slightly benign creations as those around him are creating entire vehicles from what (to him) is nothingness. It's not a spoiler to say he eventually learns that he had it in him to be a Master Builder all along, but a simple line like, "everyone, just tell me what to do, and how to do it," has more weight than anything I've seen in any, say, Quentin Tarantino film, and <i>The Lego Movie</i>&nbsp;is certainly filled with more unbridled joy.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xOjzV2MASXw/Uz_KSUs9LpI/AAAAAAAAB5w/1v6KFxqrFh0/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-05-01h43m09s131.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xOjzV2MASXw/Uz_KSUs9LpI/AAAAAAAAB5w/1v6KFxqrFh0/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-04-05-01h43m09s131.png" height="165" width="400" /></a></div><br />It's daring, to say the least. And it's nigh-on post-modern to say the most. Indeed, not content with being a flash-in-the-pan overnight success, <i>The Lego Movie</i>&nbsp;worms its way into your brain to create a masterworkwork that sticks with you. It's filled with crazy, memorable, iconic stuff, and that it was wormed into <i>The Lego Movie</i>&nbsp;instead of an experimental, satirical indie film<i> pretending</i> to be <i>The Lego Movie</i>&nbsp;is an achievement worth praising. Emmett, Wyldstyle, and Unikitty are characters that will be much beloved. Performances by Liam Neeson and Morgan Freeman will be talked about for months. The Lego sets released to tie-in on the film are all of impeccable quality and will entertain the most discerning youngsters and adult fans. But it is the film's willingness to so finely tread a line most licenses don't even dare to approach that will earn it a place in Top 10 lists and awards shows. It is Lord and Miller's dedication to their own bizarre genius that will secure the film as one worth thinking back on the same way we do <i>Toy Story</i>&nbsp;and <i>Shrek</i>. I mean, I can tell you truthfully that a)&nbsp;<i>The Lego Movie </i>successfully explores the concepts of free will and determinism, and b) it's a kid's film.<br /><br />In short, <i>The Lego Movie</i> truly does outdo itself, and I hope I'm not being too rash by saying it's set to be one of the best films of the year and if you haven't yet seen it you should do so, post-haste. If you need convincing that films based on toys can be done so well as to surpass their very concept, here's solid evidence. And if you need any reason beyond that... well, just remember that everything is awesome.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uRlKej-d5Gs/ULCEFeqi9PI/AAAAAAAABac/iCBy677wuwc/s1600/5+stars.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uRlKej-d5Gs/ULCEFeqi9PI/AAAAAAAABac/iCBy677wuwc/s1600/5+stars.png" /></a></div><br />Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-35570476874507207672014-02-23T02:44:00.000-08:002014-02-23T03:04:51.287-08:00Post-Mortem Amalgam: "Spider-Boy Team Up"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zd7j3C07HwU/UwnOGNJM-VI/AAAAAAAAB3Q/awjPTWHca7E/s1600/01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zd7j3C07HwU/UwnOGNJM-VI/AAAAAAAAB3Q/awjPTWHca7E/s1600/01.jpg" height="170" width="400" /></a></div><br />Expectations are a funny thing. They can influence a bias on both sides; too high an expectation and you can be left disappointed, and too low and you may be made a laughing stock on the critics circuit when you give <i>Grown Ups 2, </i>like, B+, "better than diving into a bath of manure and maggots fast-first, at least!" You don't want to be made a laughing stock on the critics circuit, <i>do you??&nbsp;</i><br /><i><br /></i>At some point, though, you have to be reasonable. No-one really likes being disappointed. It might be best to lower your expectations far through to the molten core of the Earth itself, if only to have a better time when you're being dragged to watch some film your stupid friends want to see or something. It's better to be mildly surprised than to be utterly crushed. So it's important to note that my expectations of the Amalgam line were well low. Well, well low. They may have been the lowest expectations I've ever had going into a series of comics, and I've read <i>Freddy vs Jason vs Ash</i>. So, let this be the story of how Amalgam Comics failed to surpass even the mildest of expectation. Oh my dear Jesus Christ, help.<br /><a name='more'></a><br />Short version of Amalgam's history. After DC and Marvel's unprecedented collaboration with a series of JLA vs Avengers books, they made a label - Amalgam. This label was to do <i>literal</i> crossovers of famous DC and Marvel characters - instead of Superman and Captain America meeting, why not combine Superman and Captain America? Thus "Amalgam." Do you see? They hired all their best writers and artists, paid them in pennies, gave them a week or two to hand in their preliminary drafts, and sat back as both companies let more than twenty flop books populate shelves. The investment in the creative process, I imagine, went something like this: "Hey, you, artist/writer." "Yes?" "Make a comic book." "What about?" "Zzzzzzzzzzz." "...ohhhhhh."<br /><br />I'm gonna start this tragic journey with <i>Spider-Boy Team Up</i>. Spider-Boy is an amalgam of Spider-Man and Superboy. Already your head starts to tilt to the side in a confused cock. "Spider-Man and... Superboy?" It's not the worst amalgam in the world - there are far, far worse, and I mean <i>far far worse</i>&nbsp;- but Superboy? And not Robin, or Nightwing, or... I don't know, someone with acrobatic skills comparable to Spider-Man? I mean, does that make sense to anyone else, or is it just me? Just me. Well. Alright then.<br /><br />So the thing about expectations... you can usually pinpoint the moment they've been dashed. Keeping in mind that my expectations of Amalgam had carved a hole through the floor and through the ground so far down it had come out the other side of the planet, my expectations were dashed pretty much... pretty much immediately. Like the very first page, first line of dialog, first character. Everything I had expected from Amalgam... boom. Burned up into tiny ashes. It was so much worse than I ever could have possibly imagined.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mpnQZ4YQ0U0/UwnOPwVol2I/AAAAAAAAB3Y/dmRpLTOhy8I/s1600/02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mpnQZ4YQ0U0/UwnOPwVol2I/AAAAAAAAB3Y/dmRpLTOhy8I/s1600/02.jpg" height="640" width="430" /></a></div><br />"This is the last time you will interfere with the Scavulture!"<br /><br />"I was just swingin' out to get a soder-cola an' pizza!"<br /><br />Do I have to... should I explain how terrible this entire image is or can you figure it out yourself? Scavulture. Scarab and Vulture. I mean, no, yeah, that's cool. "My evil eye will see to that!" Yeah, no, that's a... soder-cola? Is that a reference to something? It's not, right. That's just... and why does it look like that eye laser is blowing a chunk out of the building behind them? It's just kind of burning through his webs, but there's a small explosion and it seems to be happening far in the distance. Did I mention I hate this book?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BmujKx9A88U/UwnOnWJC3oI/AAAAAAAAB3o/xWTTgc4jljg/s1600/03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BmujKx9A88U/UwnOnWJC3oI/AAAAAAAAB3o/xWTTgc4jljg/s1600/03.jpg" height="131" width="200" /></a></div>So, Spider-Boy falls from the sky and into a small alley, where he narrowly avoids smashing his spine against a dumpster. A mysterious stranger steals his dropped web-shooter (for some reason his web-shooter is just kind of a gun? Does that... huh?), and, while distracted, Scavulture knocks him down, makes some kind of dubiously threatening quip, and locks him into a small cube. The cube sends him hurtling towards the future, to 2099. I'd consider that a spoiler but there's only one part that makes this thing worth reading and it's coming up shortly.<br /><br />So! It's the future - 2099! The Silver Racer shows up. No, I don't know who or what the Silver Racer is supposed to be. One part Silver Surfer, one part... um... man, I don't even care. I could look it up right now. It would be so easy. I could go to the DC Wiki. I could just go to Google. I could do it right now, it would take so much less time and effort than even typing these very words. <i>I just don't give even a single freaking shit.&nbsp;</i>Anyway so that happens, and the action cuts to the inside of the Legion of Galactic Guardians 2099's headquarters. It seems Spider-Boy was in fact summoned by them, by a device called The Time Square. Spider-Boy is doubtful that any of it exists, asking, "who runs this show? Mr. Mastermind? Mysteriomen?" Jokes abound. Many laughs had by none.<br /><br />Living Lightning Lad points and shouts "roll call!" and the most amazing thing ever happens.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bh9SY8vhMxE/UwnOeuNJ2II/AAAAAAAAB3g/dsbtYo2hwTM/s1600/04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bh9SY8vhMxE/UwnOeuNJ2II/AAAAAAAAB3g/dsbtYo2hwTM/s1600/04.jpg" height="640" width="406" /></a></div><br />Okay, so, some highlights: Sun Lord. Lady Bug. Dream Date. Bouncing Ball. Paste-Eater Pete. Timberwolf by Night. You understand, by the way, this is supposed to be funny. You're supposed to be laughing. And I imagine you <i>are</i>&nbsp;laughing, but it's not at the jokes. It's at the idea that someone wrote down "Paste-Eater Pete" and said "yep sir, my work here is done." Someone who got paid a pretty penny to do so. You start to realize this may not be a comic so much as some kind of demented thought experiment; like, maybe if you make it through the comic without once uttering aloud "that's fucking <i>stupid</i>" you get scooped up in the dead of night and sent to a government facility somewhere for a lobotomy and a glass of warm milk.<br /><br />Just an aside. Can I point out how disturbing <i>ugly</i>&nbsp;every single design in this universe is? Spider-Boy is relatively inoffensive in the grand scheme of it - Dark Claw is <i>horrific - </i>but that jacket suit with webs on it, continuing to an undershirt with <i>the same webs on it</i>... it's all so embarrassing! It's frightfully clear that no-one who worked on these comics had <i>any</i>&nbsp;time to do anything worthwhile; I imagine they were given no time at all to not only create an <i>entirely new universe</i>&nbsp;but to then also write and render that universe. It's a mammoth task, the kind of event that needs years of planning to get right. It was done on a whim. It's incredibly disconcerting. Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming...<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-H31S-JakrWg/UwnO6AVPUEI/AAAAAAAAB34/2q0FFZ_JC3s/s1600/05.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-H31S-JakrWg/UwnO6AVPUEI/AAAAAAAAB34/2q0FFZ_JC3s/s1600/05.jpg" height="200" width="95" /></a></div>Things I'll dub as "events" happen. After being told he will probably die and he has to return to the past so he can die, the Legion of Galactic Guardians 2099 are attacked by... erm... the Frightful Five. Who, exactly, the Frightful Five are meant to be... you know. You try and figure it out. It could be bloody anything. By the way, I hope you like stories where you're introduced to the names of characters by having the dialog continue as usual and just add the name of the person at the end. Instead of saying, "well, that was a surprise," characters will say, "well, that was a surprise, Bob Blithton, Jr.!" In this case, Tharlock (err) says, "a wonderfully destructive entrance, Valinus!" So yeah, the Frightful Five. They appear for a single page, they manage to squeeze out just enough dialog that you learn their names, and then Spider-Boy is transported elsewhere!<br /><br />But... gasp! It's not to the past! It's to the <i>future! </i>The group he meets in the slightly dystopian future (I say slightly - one thing is on fire and it's raining, it otherwise just seems fine) say that he caused a chronal collapse, and that they are sending him back to stop himself from being sent to the future. Spider-Boy then attempts a lampshade hanging (thanks, TV Tropes!) by pointing out the paradox of the situation. It's not funny. Nothing in this book is funny. Everything in this book is very, very sad.<br /><br />The roll call gag is played out again in a slightly different timestream. So everyone's all different-y. Also, Spider-Boy is <i>melting look out Spider-Boy it's your arch-nemesis the Human Microwave</i><br /><i><br /></i><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ESbfxUr0RNE/UwnOynhJxXI/AAAAAAAAB3w/1aKpMqFpg0w/s1600/06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ESbfxUr0RNE/UwnOynhJxXI/AAAAAAAAB3w/1aKpMqFpg0w/s1600/06.jpg" height="640" width="398" /></a></div><br />Take note of the... the incredible joke there at the bottom, poking fun at retroactive continuity gaffs. "I haven't seen a reality reboot like this since the time Doc Alternity respun the Infinity Loop!" Woah, Doc, this is heavy. None of the cast here are anywhere near as dopey as before - no-one quite as memorable as Living Lightning Lad, who is replaced with 'Lectron, sadly. Actually, Living Lightning Lad... he had lightning for hair. Let's go back to that.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iu0sCwdZJKI/UwnPEpmYApI/AAAAAAAAB4A/gLUJIQoOFhc/s1600/07.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iu0sCwdZJKI/UwnPEpmYApI/AAAAAAAAB4A/gLUJIQoOFhc/s1600/07.jpg" /></a></div><br />Aw, man. That's so fucking stupid it's actually kind of cool. Actually, he's so far the only slightly irredeemable part of this entire book, so I'll posit to you that Living Lightning Lad should become a fixture of Marvel or DC. They can fight over the rights like rabid dogs. I'd watch that. I'd watch rabid dogs fight. ...wait, no, I wouldn't. That's inhumane. I would watch Marvel and DC fight, though. "Like rabid dogs" is merely a metaphor for the intensity with which Marvel and DC would fight, over the rights of Living Lightning Lad. Make it so.<br /><br />Anyway, Spider-Boy is sent back in time, where he defeats Scavulture, and finds his way to a hidden cave where he finds Kang, The Time Conqueror! Kang takes Spider-Boy by the arms, and starts pulling him apart! "Once I separate and absorb your amalgamated life energies, all realities will be mine for the taking," he cries. "Splitting headache!" Spider-Boy says. Because he's being split in half. Do you get it?<br /><br />Anyway, he pulls him apart an- ...wait a minute.<br /><br />Spider-Man.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ujCBW7utWJc/UwnPjPPpveI/AAAAAAAAB4I/qENpRqBGt-o/s1600/08.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ujCBW7utWJc/UwnPjPPpveI/AAAAAAAAB4I/qENpRqBGt-o/s1600/08.jpg" height="152" width="400" /></a></div><br />That's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQFf2vK3eSU" target="_blank">the goddamn Spider-Man</a>!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LQhB6xTO7JA/UwnPqZrFFqI/AAAAAAAAB4Q/U_5vuH0lv6o/s1600/09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LQhB6xTO7JA/UwnPqZrFFqI/AAAAAAAAB4Q/U_5vuH0lv6o/s1600/09.jpg" /></a></div><br />I DIDN'T THINK SPIDER-MAN WOULD BE IN THIS BOOK! IT'S AN AMALGAM BOOK THERE'S ONLY AMALGAMS BUT THAT THERE IS SPIDER-MAN, IN THE FLESH! I...! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD!<br /><br />Expectations are a funny thing. They can influence a bias on both sides; too high an expectation and you can be left disappointed, and too low and you may find that something so simple can tilt your entire opinion on something. Michael Bay's <i>Transformers</i>, for example, had giant robots in it. That's all it took for me to be okay with it. Not the sequels, maybe, but man, that first film? They were robots, dude! Robots. Big robots. I like big robots. A lot.<br /><br />And here's <i>Spider-Boy Team Up</i>. A piece of unadulterated dreck, hanging on loose threads of quasi-humour, every page disappointing more and more, with an art style completing lacking in personality, the writing prowess of a chimp, and clearly little to no editorial oversight. It's rubbish - worse than rubbish, I'd rather burn it than throw it away knowing someone else might find it and read it. It is representative of the entirety of the Amalgam range in the respect that it is one of the most patronizingly bad comic-reading experience I've ever had.<br /><br />But then Spider-Man is there. Not Spider-Boy, but like... actually, there's Spider-Man. And Superboy too but shut up it's&nbsp;<i>Spider-Man. </i>And lo if I am not a fool, I am pleasantly surprised. I am almost... I'm almost happy. Oh man, Spider-Man is here. He can save us all. He can save this comic! If he can come out of the Clone Saga dignity intact, he can salvage this trash from... oh. Oh, no.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MON8BZKK3xA/UwnQAJPbhFI/AAAAAAAAB4Y/VQffqi2nc94/s1600/10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MON8BZKK3xA/UwnQAJPbhFI/AAAAAAAAB4Y/VQffqi2nc94/s1600/10.jpg" /></a></div><br />Oh, no he was never pulled apart at all. Spider-Boy 2099 came and saved Spider-Boy. Spider-Boy lived and they pull off the mask. And it's not Kang at all, it's Chronos-Tut, The Time Pharaoh. And he goes negative. He apparently has a tendency to do that.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3x4RZkoXZxI/UwnQM_GzTvI/AAAAAAAAB4g/pHzkn6yTFAg/s1600/11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3x4RZkoXZxI/UwnQM_GzTvI/AAAAAAAAB4g/pHzkn6yTFAg/s1600/11.jpg" /></a></div><br />Oh. Oh and he's fine. And... and "tune in next issue" haha that's funny because there is no next issue<br /><br />Oh man. I... Spider-Man was there. Spider-Man was <i>there</i>. And then he was yanked away. It was like, hey you like Spider-Man, eh? Well, yeah no more Spider-Man for you, buddy! But he was... he was there and... then he... he wasn't there but for a brief flash I was almost... I was content... it...<br /><br />I...<br /><br />...fuck this comic. Fuck this comic so much.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZWyjKyQFXMs/UwnQZiRJEqI/AAAAAAAAB4o/xoKQkZgBfV0/s1600/12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZWyjKyQFXMs/UwnQZiRJEqI/AAAAAAAAB4o/xoKQkZgBfV0/s1600/12.jpg" /></a></div><br />On the back cover, there is supposedly "another AMAZING AMALGAM art pick!" Its'... I mean it's not amazing. It's... I mean it's not bad, I don't know why Spider-Boy is sitting atop a blazing neon sign, eating Chinese food as doves fly around him... but I mean it's... but guys, I<br /><br />Spider-Man<br /><br />he was<br /><br />and they took him away<br /><br />spider-man<br /><br />they took spider-man<span style="font-size: x-small;"> away</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">and i</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">i liked when spider-man was there</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">bring spider-man back please</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">please</span>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-14390019285249262372013-12-24T02:27:00.002-08:002013-12-24T05:32:55.089-08:00Andy Plays Games presents... Ten Videogames From 2013 Listed In Order Of Subjective Goodness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JmjLz3Vrops/UrkkRAnWQ5I/AAAAAAAAB0Y/VRtWIhR0JO4/s1600/sir+not+to+be+appearing+on+this+list.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JmjLz3Vrops/UrkkRAnWQ5I/AAAAAAAAB0Y/VRtWIhR0JO4/s400/sir+not+to+be+appearing+on+this+list.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />It's time for Game of the Year! There are games I played this year! I quite liked them! I liked them so much I arranged them in a kind of list, and wrote a paragraph about why I liked them so much! But first things first! I need to qualify some stuff! Okay, so, this is only best of list of the games I actually <i>played</i>. I don't own any of them fancy PlayStation consoles, so none of them are on the list. There's a Wii U in my house, but it ain't mine - <i>Super Mario 3D World</i>&nbsp;would probably have made this list otherwise! I also only list games I've played substantially. I was going to put <i>Risk of Rain</i>&nbsp;on this list because it's fantastic and the soundtrack is phenomenal, but I've barely unlocked two classes and longevity is important when evaluating Roguelikes. I love the cut of <i>Saints Row IV</i>'s gib, but I've not played much more than a few tutorials. I also don't have a next-gen system, but I'll be honest, none of their games are any good eh? Eh? New consoles, amirite? Crap games, eh? Haha, what fresh material. Okay then, onto the list!<br /><br /><a name='more'></a><br /><br /><h3>10. LEGO Marvel Super Heroes</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LacRyrlldFc/Urkk2YpUmvI/AAAAAAAAB0g/kmKBuY8wYA8/s1600/3436993-lego-marvel-super-heroes-21751-2880x1800%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LacRyrlldFc/Urkk2YpUmvI/AAAAAAAAB0g/kmKBuY8wYA8/s400/3436993-lego-marvel-super-heroes-21751-2880x1800%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />I love Marvel comics so much. Spider-Man, Wolverine, Deadpool, Man-Thing, Hulk, Ghost Rider, Red Skull; so many characters I love and adore, almost unconditionally! I also love Lego near the point of obsession. So, y'know. Slam them together into a videogame and you've got quite a potent little product on your hand. <i>LEGO Marvel Super Heroes</i> is also actually a neat game, though, with brilliant couch co-op, a genuinely amusing story, and another collect-a-thon for perfectionists to fawn over for a weekend or two. But, I'll be absolutely honest - it's pretty much only made this list because it's made of Lego and Stan Lee is on the box. There are so many characters to collect and play with and it's such wonderous fun! In some places it almost comes close to the actual fun of playing with Lego minifigures - making them interact and be silly with objects and each other. I absolutely adore it, but I will concede that the game is, otherwise, basically just <i>Another Lego Game</i>. It can be insidiously frustrating and buggy sometimes, making puzzles hard, or impossible, to solve - but then this is a game for kids, and how are kids meant to figure this out if I can't? ...maybe kids just have a better eye for that kind of inanity. Otherwise, the Marvel and the Lego makes up for its shortcomings, by a wide margin. "You belong, you belong, you belong, you'll belong, to the Merry Marvel Marching Society..."<br /><br /><h3>9. Animal Crossing: New Leaf</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EDBjp4omn2s/UrklU-a815I/AAAAAAAAB0o/qDvtsNjhzoE/s1600/AnimalCrossing%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EDBjp4omn2s/UrklU-a815I/AAAAAAAAB0o/qDvtsNjhzoE/s400/AnimalCrossing%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />I dare you to list one other game that does what <i>Animal Crossing</i> does better. "HARVEST MOON!!" okay, yes, but "RUNE FACTORY" no stop now I get it but <i>Animal Crossing</i> has a pretty huge difference... y'see, Animal Crossing is about super cute chibi animals. Yep. It's also a game that absolutely rewards your own insistence - and then makes you feel like a jerk when you stop playing. <i>Animal Crossing: New Leaf</i> strikes a nice enough balance between an obsessive-compulsive vice and a casual half-hour-a-day experience. The cute animals can have things built for them and you get to know them by name as you discover all the items and different little gameplay modes and minigames. You're mayor, you see, and you have a cute dog lady who is your assistant though she actually just does all the work for you while you're out shaking trees down for money. Honestly, though, Animal Crossing is less like a drug and more like a bad habit - when you're playing it, it's the only thing that matters in the whole world, and once you stop you'll wonder why you ever stuck with it for so long. Did I mention the cute animals though? The animals are really cute, guys. Except for Coco. <a href="http://animalcrossing.wikia.com/wiki/Coco" target="_blank">Coco is bloody terrifying</a>.<br /><br /><h3>8. The Swapper</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RcWJ51ANeBc/UrkmtyL769I/AAAAAAAAB00/0n_j0eQYEK0/s1600/ss_8de69a913406640b7f818ea9ad8559e3f44d4223.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RcWJ51ANeBc/UrkmtyL769I/AAAAAAAAB00/0n_j0eQYEK0/s400/ss_8de69a913406640b7f818ea9ad8559e3f44d4223.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i><i>The Swapper</i> is a puzzle game that takes its primary mechanic - swapping yourself - and weaves it seamlessly into its narrative conceit. If that was all <i>The Swapper</i> did it'd be a pretty lousy game, but <i>The&nbsp;</i><br /><i>Swapper</i> did what a lot of these indie games forget to do - built the story around the gameplay. It's a small point to make but it makes a huge difference in the focus of <i>The Swapper</i>; for all its beautiful,<br />hand-animated visuals and its dark, horror-esque atmosphere, <i>The Swapper</i> is a genuinely engaging and challenging puzzle game, with a gentle difficulty curve and a great signature mechanic. But oh man! Let's not discount the visuals, though! Cos <i>The Swapper</i> is darkly beautiful and foreboding, otherworldly and almost uncanny in its presentation. It's the best stop-motion game since the quite unique <i>Dream Machine</i>, and is arguably peerless in that respect. The puzzles are the main draw, and the creators knew that when they designed it, but the way they tie in the presentation and the plot is masterful nontheless! So yes, let us all bask in the artistic achievements of <i>The Swapper</i>. Well done, <i>The Swapper</i>!<br /><br /><h3>7. Surgeon Simulator 2013</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ubYEdj0qzlY/UrkngNA2qZI/AAAAAAAAB08/C5Q59Ud_qno/s1600/surgeon-simulator-2013%5B1%5D.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ubYEdj0qzlY/UrkngNA2qZI/AAAAAAAAB08/C5Q59Ud_qno/s400/surgeon-simulator-2013%5B1%5D.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />"<i>Surgeon Simulator 2013</i>?? That's just a joke title, isn't it?? That's not a real game???" Pipe down, buddy. You're wasting question marks. Yes, though, <i>Surgeon Simulator 2013</i> is funny, and kind of patently uncontrollable. But the more I played of it, the more I realized that <i>Surgeon Simulator 2013</i> is actually great. Like, it's almost a puzzle game; like a kind of drunken <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_(game)" target="_blank">Operation</a>. Figuring out how to best the controls is really satisfying, and then when the game throws curveballs at you - like ambulance and zero-gravity levels - you get to do the same thing over to account for the new variables. It is deeply satisfying, and yet, it also makes certain that the initial shock of the gimmick doesn't wear off. Not to mention how chock-full of secrets it is, from training VHS tapes to a phone number you can call if you can manage it, to tons of achievements for doing things like completing operations drugged and electrocuted, and so on. In a way, it's a smart, lazy comedian; it tells the same joke over and over, but it makes sure to raise the stakes every so often so you think better of it. ...w-wait. Going by that analogy... I've been tricked into liking it, I guess? Well NEVERMIND THEN SURGEON SIMULATOR 2013 HMMRRFFFF<br /><br /><h3>6. The Stanley Parable</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-p0x2sFpgC04/Urkn-PYH4SI/AAAAAAAAB1E/EYfd7w4T-jA/s1600/TheStanleyParableDemo%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-p0x2sFpgC04/Urkn-PYH4SI/AAAAAAAAB1E/EYfd7w4T-jA/s400/TheStanleyParableDemo%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Now, a lot of folks have said talking about <i>The Stanley Parable</i> is hard because you can't talk about it without spoiling things. Well I'm sorry but that's a load of crap. I'll tell you why <i>The Stanley Parable</i> is so good - it's funny, and smart, and it reveals conclusively that games are just the worst. And yes, that is a positive. Y'see, as someone who plays games, I can tell you - I <i>hate</i> games! A lot. Games suck, dude. And I mean, I actually love them, or I wouldn't be typing about them on the internet so goddamn much, but really I hate them and everything they stand for. Me and <i>Stanley Parable</i>, we're on the same page about this, it seems, as it has some resentment for games, too. It represents the medium - the entirety of the medium - with a snarky bitterness that is, in my fat lazy hack opinion, absolutely deserved. As for the actual gameplay... eh, think of it like if <i>Dear Esther </i>developed self-awareness, I guess. It is absolutely and intrinsically aware of its failings and restrictions and develops a narration around why those failings and restrictions are a good thing. Or a bad thing? Whatever. I mean it's basically less of a game and more of an interactive installation about itself being a game. Okay so those people who said writing about it was hard were right but it's good okay??<br /><br /><h3>5. Antichamber</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s7pvQCwHU8o/UrkoyEA0tTI/AAAAAAAAB1M/7iK0nCAEI7w/s1600/ss_c02435ac01bff1e3af6c69e9ddeb77f6bf40caf2.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s7pvQCwHU8o/UrkoyEA0tTI/AAAAAAAAB1M/7iK0nCAEI7w/s400/ss_c02435ac01bff1e3af6c69e9ddeb77f6bf40caf2.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Another puzzle game? Well, yes, and no. You see, <i>Antichamber </i>can feel less like a puzzle game and more like some kind of depraved M.C. Escher hellscape. The non-Euclidian design of... well, <i>everything</i>, expects you to unlearn what to expect from not just videogames but, like, reality itself, and guide your brain in a direction that lets it finally open up to the challenges ahead of you. Up is down, black is white. Floors aren't floors. Ramps are staircases. Hallways wrap around themselves, you can walk down a path for hours only to turn around to come out the end of a different hall. It's blatantly and outright confusing, but at the same time, it <i>does</i> let you catch onto a kind of demented non-logic. It's not so obtuse you can't "solve" it, you just can't use what you've learned of our reality to help you. Originally called <i>Hazard: The Journey of Life</i>, some sort of bigger life meaning attempts to rub into all the madness, but it's of little consequence. The placards with quasi-philosophical non-advice act more like clues - a metaphor, even, for the way you are regrowing yourself inside the twisted hallways of the <i>Antichamber</i>. It's a really great hurty-brainy puzzle game, and something quite special indeed.<br /><br /><h3>4. Injustice: Gods Among Us</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5EzdcXaUFcg/UrkpWVedR-I/AAAAAAAAB1U/xvJELsMey74/s1600/injustice-nightwing%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5EzdcXaUFcg/UrkpWVedR-I/AAAAAAAAB1U/xvJELsMey74/s400/injustice-nightwing%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />I still don't know, after all these months, if <i>Injustice</i> counts as a good fighting game. Maybe the people playing online can answer that, what with their metagames and their actually learning the combos and their fightsticks and whatnot. I will tell you this - for the majority of the year, <i>Injustice</i> was the only game in my Xbox 360. It was the game I automatically bought out to play with friends. I'll take a stab in the dark and say it probably wasn't really the <i>best </i>fighting game of 2013, but for me, it was the most <i>fun </i>one. It had a spectacle to it that very few 2D fighters replicate, absolutely using DC superheroes to great effect. Maybe I only liked it because I only played it with friends, but as a party game it satiated me and my compadres like no other 2013 title. Oh, and it even has a reasonably decent campaign. And Lobo! And Batman! And Zod, and he says "kneel before Zod"! Tee hee! It's really quite something, actually, that <i>Injustice</i> is probably the best product DC put out this year, of all their films, cartoons, comics and games. Not that it's hard <a href="http://andyplaysgames.blogspot.com.au/2013/10/how-man-of-steel-made-being-alive.html" target="_blank">to compete with Man of Steel</a>, but still. Good job, Ed Boon! You did it! And boy, you did much better here than in that waste of time that was <i>Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe</i>...<br /><br /><h3>3. Shadow Warrior</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S9BP7eWJRto/UrleR5VxUiI/AAAAAAAAB1k/TPEIRhpwP4c/s1600/ss_a025be749ac04d1d98a16efd38c5b4e7fa1cad8a.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S9BP7eWJRto/UrleR5VxUiI/AAAAAAAAB1k/TPEIRhpwP4c/s400/ss_a025be749ac04d1d98a16efd38c5b4e7fa1cad8a.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Someone - someone with something sharp and rusty stuck in their brain, probably - said that <i>Bioshock Infinite</i> <a href="http://www.spike.com/vgx/best-shooter" target="_blank">was the "best shooter of 2013"</a>. I don't even need to play <i>Bioshock Infinite</i> to prove that a load of crap. It's a <i>Bioshock</i> game, right? There you go. That proves it. Oh, also <i>Shadow Warrior</i>. In S<i>hadow Warrior</i> you can cut a demon's face off. With a katana. And Lo Wang says, "now that's just messy!" in a laughably audacious Japanese accent. Does that happen in <i>Bioshock Infinite</i>? Do those <i>exact </i>events play out in that order in <i>Bioshock Infinite</i>? ...okay, <i>maybe</i> it happens. What about rabbits, though? If you kill too many rabbits, does an ultra-powerful demon rabbit emerge to destroy you, accompanied by chugging metalcore and hellish screaming? No! It damn well does not! So<i> Shadow Warrior</i> wins. I was going to actually talk about why <i>Shadow Warrior</i> is great* but DUDE THE RABBITS AND THE METALCORE AND THE SCREAMING. AND THE KATANA. I think I've made my point.<br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">*Ahem. Shadow Warrior is an expertly crafted first-person action game, with great, open level design, amazing weapon feel, tons and tons of monsters to murder in an increasingly gratuitous and over-the-top fashion, and a sword that could be the best melee weapon in an FPS since... well, ever. It's even better than the sword in <i>Red Steel 2</i>&nbsp;(wow no way)!&nbsp;It's also pretty as hell, and even has some moderately entertaining scriptwriting with the characters of Hoji and Lo Wang. The Hell bunnies, though. I mean, like, the rest of the game is all kind of just so much filler compared to the bunnies.</span><br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span><br /><h3>2. Rayman Legends</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SaCUoQEfseM/UrlfdAL-xxI/AAAAAAAAB1w/KnyPgVIzrAU/s1600/Rayman-Legends-3%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SaCUoQEfseM/UrlfdAL-xxI/AAAAAAAAB1w/KnyPgVIzrAU/s400/Rayman-Legends-3%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i><i>Rayman Origins</i> was happiness. You know, like, the concept? <i>Rayman Origins</i> was that. It took the form of a platform game on consoles, handhelds and PC, but it was basically like if you took happiness - the abstract, metaphysical emotional state - and pressed it onto a disc. <i>Rayman Legends</i> is basically the same thing, but, the graphics are cooler and the controls are tighter. The levels and bosses are more varied, and hell - even the soundtrack is better! How do you even quantify that? How do say, "so, this pure bliss, it's been one-upped by its sequel." Is it <i>purer</i> bliss now...? Whatever it is, <i>Rayman Legends</i> is joyful, amazing, beautiful, joyful, happy, amazing, joyful, amazing, joyful, joyful, and joyful, and I would say it's the <i>most</i> smile-inducing thing of the entirety of 2013... but then Nintendo released <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jvz2k0dN1Ss" target="_blank">a new trailer for <i>Yoshi's New Island</i></a>. When I watch that trailer I melt into a pile of buttery goo as I make unrelated cooing noises. Rayman Legends is kind of a close second on the list of things in 2013 that made me use tildes in the exhalations my voice made when playing it, though. That's a good thing. Eeeeeeee~<br /><br /><h3>1. PAYDAY 2</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oXrSsHCmGps/Urlf3brMBdI/AAAAAAAAB14/fnRTWOj3gyY/s1600/payday-2-featured-1%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oXrSsHCmGps/Urlf3brMBdI/AAAAAAAAB14/fnRTWOj3gyY/s400/payday-2-featured-1%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i><i>PAYDAY 2</i> can be picked apart on its technical failings. It can be picked apart on its broken promises and features that aren't in the game. It can be picked apart for being way too cryptic about what it is that makes it actually interesting. ...but man, I just can't stop thinking about <i>PAYDAY 2</i>. I haven't been this heavily invested in a game since my days playing <i>Team Fortress 2</i>. It's one of those cases where, when I'm playing <i>PAYDAY 2</i>, I want to play more <i>PAYDAY 2</i>. And when I'm not playing <i>PAYDAY 2</i>, I'm thinking about playing <i>PAYDAY 2</i>. The gunplay is so meaty, the heists are so satisfying to pull off efficiently, the depth to uncovering all the classes and upgrades and tactics is super vast, and when you play with a regular posse of friends it's so easy to feel like just the most unstoppable badasses in the world. That said: when you play with pubs it's crap. Don't play with pubs. But I guess like <i>Injustice</i>, this game is one that has become staple with my friends and I, and I just can't say I <i>enjoyed </i>a game more than it this year. The multitudes of free DLC certainly helps validate my choice - the finely-tuned tweaks to the AI and the heists themselves that Overkill keep putting out make the game feel, if nothing else, consistently fresh. At the end of the day, though, <i>PAYDAY 2</i> is at the top because I had the most <i>fun </i>with it of any game in 2013. I love it so much it may be unhealthy. Oh, and the <i>music</i>! Did I mention the music? Ohh the music, guys. Best soundtrack of the year! Except for <i>Rayman Legends</i>. And <i>Risk of Rain</i>. But third best soundtrack of the year. First best game, third best soundtrack? Hope there's enough room on your trophy rack for these, Overkill!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-W-fr9SjIWz8/UrlhJIVgjPI/AAAAAAAAB2E/wtU4Zls34VI/s1600/awardz.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-W-fr9SjIWz8/UrlhJIVgjPI/AAAAAAAAB2E/wtU4Zls34VI/s640/awardz.png" width="640" /></a></div><br />yes they are real trophies as you can tell by the photograph, i will send them in the mail by taping them to a postcardAndyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-80288801827536962952013-11-14T00:44:00.000-08:002013-11-14T00:56:43.633-08:00Thur: The Durk Wurld<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vXkEM9Wsswo/UoSI-EEQn3I/AAAAAAAABzg/5EBNzQEsJoA/s1600/Thor-The-Dark-World-Wide-Image%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vXkEM9Wsswo/UoSI-EEQn3I/AAAAAAAABzg/5EBNzQEsJoA/s400/Thor-The-Dark-World-Wide-Image%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i><i>Thor: The Dark World</i>&nbsp;may not have been a very good movie. As far as act structures, assemblage, pacing, and general flow, it may well be the least technically proficient film of the year, at least story-wise. As something quite else though, <i>The Dark World</i>&nbsp;stands up as possibly the most faithfully "comic"-esque comic book film ever made.<br /><br />What the first <i>Thor</i>&nbsp;film had in passing, <i>The Dark World</i>&nbsp;has in spades. The magical realm of Asgard, seen as mere bookends for an&nbsp;<i>Avengers-</i>preparing second act, has been expanded into a gigantic, sprawling medieval-meets-sci-fi-meets-<i>Wonderland</i>&nbsp;kingdom. The technology is utterly bizarre, with stone spaceships and space guns and space bazookas (guh?) and all kinds of bizarre quasi-mythological imagery setting the stage for more hammy, classical over-acting from the likes of Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, and Anthony Hopkins (who I frequently forget isn't Jeff Bridges when not talking. Oh, Jeff Bridges is in this fi- oh right it's Anthony Hopkins. I don't know why I think that. I also don't know why I thought Tom Hiddleston's name was Tom Middleton).<br /><a name='more'></a><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TT5df3N5Y34/UoSKrZ0JFyI/AAAAAAAABzs/lhsTtazVE00/s1600/thor-dark-world-trailer-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="167" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TT5df3N5Y34/UoSKrZ0JFyI/AAAAAAAABzs/lhsTtazVE00/s400/thor-dark-world-trailer-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Scenes set on Earth in the first <i>Thor</i>&nbsp;film took place in New Mexico, a groundless expand of desert, housing silly, small streets on which an entire town is situated. In the new <i>Thor</i>, London (and later Greenwich) are the major locations back on Midgard (that's Thor speak for "teh earthz" just btdubs). The scope is expanded to more than a single block of land and it just feels... bigger, and more alive. The whole film feels far more like it takes place in a universe, instead of a series of sound stages. There are huge battles with hundreds of soldiers with swords and shields, and there are singular fights with big bad villain types, and they all absolutely feel genuinely "epic," and I say that in the literal sense, not in the "omg so epic i luv thur" sense. Well. Maybe a <i>little</i>&nbsp;in that sense.<br /><br />But I think what really strikes me as just great about <i>Thor: The Dark World</i>&nbsp;is that it absolutely lets nothing hold it back. Every design; every costume, every weapon, every spaceship and every creature, is absolutely well-realized, and yet... less cohesive than ever. It's a random melting pot of all kinds of bright, daft, loud things, from doll-faced synthetic soldiers to <i>Star Wars</i>-esque fighter ships to big old rock beasties to flying gondolas and pseudo (read: not) science. It is all <a href="http://andyplaysgames.blogspot.com.au/2013/10/how-man-of-steel-made-being-alive.html" target="_blank">more coherent than </a><i><a href="http://andyplaysgames.blogspot.com.au/2013/10/how-man-of-steel-made-being-alive.html" target="_blank">Man of Steel</a>,</i>&nbsp;surprisingly - every shot is held still, for the most part, and you can see what is happening, and&nbsp;you understand what is happening on the screen, which is somehow a lot to ask of modern cinema.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jlWbzOlwt_4/UoSKxczAXHI/AAAAAAAABz0/gl6s-iYsMIA/s1600/thor-the-dark-world-hi-res-04-the-dark-elf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jlWbzOlwt_4/UoSKxczAXHI/AAAAAAAABz0/gl6s-iYsMIA/s400/thor-the-dark-world-hi-res-04-the-dark-elf.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Thor is there, and Loki is there, and Natalie Portman is there, and Odin is there. Also, Thor's merry band of rogues is there (trying their level best to not be the Followship of the Ring), and some scientist man in his underpants is there, and Idris Elba is there (he punches a spaceship and it's actually really cool) and Natalie Portman's friend is there. It is all broadstrokes character portrayals, though. There's nothing deep, there's nothing to uncover, or explore. There aren't even any shocking twists, save for one big reveal in particular that is completely ancillary to the actual plot. They're cartoon characters - comic book characters, one might aptly generalize - painted with a wide brush and given a lot of room to be goofy. Is it refreshing? Sure. Does it preclude the film from being in any way meaningful? Absolutely. The film is throwaway popcorn entertainment, and even though it is undoubtedly well-made, with a tight production and stellar visuals and great performances, it does not come close to being a character study. It is an opera, not a play.<br /><br />The villain (played by Christopher Eccleston) is a ancient Dark Elf with <b><span style="color: red;">glowing red evil eyes</span></b>, who wants a mystical dark power to destroy the universe, which is stuck inside Natalie Portman because she wandered off and touched a stone pillar and unleashed it into her bloodstream. <i>That</i>&nbsp;old chestnut, right? And... that's the plot, I suppose. He has an army of doll-faced weirdos, and a henchman who is a big helmeted alien bastard that sucks the souls out of people or something. There's a lot of lore, and it is laid on far thicker than any Marvel film to date. It's kind of presumed, I suppose, that people know what World War II is, and they know what reclusive billionaires are, and superscience gone mad is just kind of a given. The Asgardian realms, though - the nine realms, bound by the universe or something - are at the core of the plot, and it's not only painstakingly explained, it is desperately lost on the audience. Charmingly, the film shrugs off most responsibilities by the climax with a "whatever, it looks cool" attitude. But if I had to make a strike against the film is that there is a lot more babble that is <i>told</i>&nbsp;than needs to be. Just show it, guys! Maybe make an offhand remark. No need to get not-Jeff Bridges to expose so much.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QfQ0UVxosyk/UoSLex9TBlI/AAAAAAAABz8/kejrRsJUtew/s1600/thor_dark_world.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QfQ0UVxosyk/UoSLex9TBlI/AAAAAAAABz8/kejrRsJUtew/s400/thor_dark_world.png" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i><i>The Dark World</i>&nbsp;is a pretty face, make no doubt about that. Saturated with colour and contrast, <i>The Dark World</i>&nbsp;is more vibrant than its namesake would have you believe. Deep blues, greens, reds and blacks are abound, free from any kind of obnoxious brown-grey filter or attempts at "grit". And it is varied, too! Besides the titular Dark World, there are all kinds of places, planets, realms, and other such locations which Thor and his companions travel to. It feels more and more like a space opera - thus making <i>Star Wars</i>&nbsp;comparisons completely apt - and there's a richness to the preceding that makes them inherently entertaining. It is light-hearted, it is big and bright, and it has fun with itself, even in its more somber moments.<br /><br />It might not be a great film, or even a good film. It is well shot, very well acted, and the action scenes really let themselves breathe. The climax in particular finds a dumb excuse in which to throw people around between realms and planets, and it had me smiling from ear to ear just due to the creativity and the insistence on not letting things like normality and physics get in the way. It is silly, and yet, not <i>stupid</i>&nbsp;- the film knows its strengths, and the strengths of the characters it has to play with, and it plays with them very well indeed. The film is never grating, or boring, and I think many people will be absolutely won over by its unbridled, unabashed freedom to just be <i>Thor</i>. At some points it even starts to feel like some kind of old-school <i>Doctor Who</i>&nbsp;episode; not just cos of the "aliens attack London" stuff, but just in terms of sheer cheese. I may be in love with it for it.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gbuGrvFWsg0/UoSLj8N1AQI/AAAAAAAAB0E/8GnDfIYkzd4/s1600/Thor-the-dark-world.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gbuGrvFWsg0/UoSLj8N1AQI/AAAAAAAAB0E/8GnDfIYkzd4/s400/Thor-the-dark-world.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />The vibe of classic 80s fantasies <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF20B8p4F08" target="_blank">like&nbsp;<i>Masters of the Universe</i></a>&nbsp;are very much alive in this <i>Thor</i>&nbsp;series, amplified by tenfold for being set in an ever-expanding comic book universe that I honestly can't say is suffering from diminishing returns in the slightest. A lot of the phase one <i>Avengers</i>&nbsp;films felt very, very similar - conversely,&nbsp;<i>Iron Man 3</i>&nbsp;and <i>Thor: The Dark World</i>&nbsp;play nothing like each other. They keep similar tones, perhaps - cheeky, funny, and larger-than-life - but the genres are completely separate (<i>Iron Man 3</i>&nbsp;being a technopunk spy thriller for a good chunk of its middle half). And yet, they are not dissonant, and they all fit together rather well. Pleasingly, there are really entertaining, and surprising, cameos to be had in <i>The Dark World</i>, and despite the disparage of the genre and the scope, there's no mistaking that this is absolutely a sequel to both&nbsp;<i>Thor, </i>and to <i>The Avengers</i>.<br /><br />At the end of the day, <i>Thor: The Dark World</i>&nbsp;is as entertaining as Marvel films have ever been, possibly moreso. It is pretty, it is big, it is loud, but it is also extremely relaxed and... "loose," perhaps, is a good word. Loose, and relaxed - not just about its world and its characters, but about its storytelling and its cohesion. Critics are quite right to criticize such things. <i>The Dark World</i>&nbsp;has not a singular purpose or vision, opting instead to present, free from restrictions, a giant, nonsensical wonderland of silly, weird, alien gods. Don't go for quality storytelling - go for decent filmmaking, a bunch of actors visibly having a ton of fun being allowed to be as hammy as they damn well can (even Natalie Portman!), and go for an excelling example of a modern popcorn action-adventure movie. And go, perhaps most importantly, to remind yourself that, for all the familiarity, there's a reason Marvel is leading the charge against DC in the movie department - they let themselves be <i>entertaining.&nbsp;</i><br /><br />In closing, then, I guess all I have to say is this:<br /><br />i liek thurAndyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-67128238617921285822013-10-20T05:42:00.000-07:002013-10-26T21:24:32.350-07:00How "Man of Steel" Made Being Alive Painful (And Other Observations)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aOtrOf8ownY/UmPKX_m_WdI/AAAAAAAABwg/LyeesWuExaU/s1600/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h18m19s202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aOtrOf8ownY/UmPKX_m_WdI/AAAAAAAABwg/LyeesWuExaU/s400/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h18m19s202.png" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i><i>Man of Steel</i>&nbsp;made my being alive painful. While watching <i>Man of Steel</i>, the visual and aural bombardment - the speed, the jerkiness, the brightness and the screeching - made existence a chore. I refer explicitly, mind, to the last fifty or so minutes of the movie, the so-called "climax," in which the "characters" engaged in "fights". These scenes (if one is willing to afford them such a status) made me motionsick, and gave me a pounding headache. But it is the insult to my intelligence that truly made me wretch.<br /><a name='more'></a><br />The film had, for the most part, been threatening to be good, all the way up until that point. It wasn't actually good, of course. Superman's doomed home planet of Krypton - once envisioned by multiple artists as a beautiful planet, whether it be a <a href="http://www.herogohome.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Superman78KryptonCity.jpg" target="_blank">crystallized wonderland</a>, or a <a href="http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/2/28079/943711-krypton__04__001__01_.png" target="_blank">lush panoramic sci-fi cityscape</a>&nbsp;- is depicted as a dull, washed-out, typical fantasy alien world; a lot like if <i>Avatar </i>was tinted with sepia. Incomprehensible technology is used by characters who we have little cause to worry about, as they are warned of their oncoming doom and then reject the notion. Krypton is not a planet to be mourned here, or remembered; it's a dying planet filled with stupid people.<br /><br />These stupid people are promptly murdered by one General Zod. He's as thick of the rest of them, but he has a single strength - competence. Now, if I compare this film to Richard Donner's marquee <i>Superman: The Movie</i>&nbsp;too much, the shadow cast by that far superior imagining of American's favourite Kryptonian will threaten to engulf <i>Man of Steel</i>&nbsp;in a way that I may not be able to give it the scathing it truly deserves. <i>Superman: The Movie </i>is a towering giant, and the minute, dwarf-ish <i>Man of Steel</i>&nbsp;may seem insignificant in its gaping flaws for its diminished stature.<br /><br />But in <i>Superman: The Movie</i>, Krypton is established very quickly as an obviously dying planet. A giant, red sun threatens to engulf the population, and the councilmen are aware of this. When Jor-El goes to them and says, "hey guys, the planet is gonna die!" their reaction is basically a, "we know." They are the old guard; they hold their ground, even in the face of Armageddon. In <i>Man of Steel</i>, Krypton's core is collapsing because they drilled it of its natural resources - and when Jor-El (portrayed fantastically by Russell Crowe) tells them they've destroyed the planet, their reaction is basically akin to sticking their fingers in their ears and shouting "lalalalalalalala". It's absurd.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-auSHf8TesLE/UmPK3Ugo0tI/AAAAAAAABwo/clsD8rQGsOM/s1600/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h14m30s222.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-auSHf8TesLE/UmPK3Ugo0tI/AAAAAAAABwo/clsD8rQGsOM/s400/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h14m30s222.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />So Superman is a baby - Krypton's first natural birth in years, apparently - and Jor-El goes and sticks some magic fairy dust in him and shoots him off to Earth (the planet where the audience lives!) as Krypton collapses and then... explodes. Why did a collapsing planet explode? Why not ask Zack Snyder? He likes explosions. This all becomes much more apparent later on. Oh, and Zod and his team gets sent off to the Phantom Zone. I'd say it begs the question as to why Zod and his men can be sentenced to relative safety inside a black hole dimension, while the higher-ups of Krypton all stay behind on ol' Collapso-'Splodo, but as I've established, these people are idiots. I guess that's a good way of establishing why they acted so ineptly. Acting out of pride? Out of pigheadedness? No! The Kryptonians were all just <i>stupid.</i><br /><br />What follows, is the most inherently watchable part of the film, so I don't want to give quite as much attention to it. It's shot bizarrely, and edited doubly so. The superhero effects on Henry Cavill as Superman are... okay. Okay here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to compare <i>Man of Steel</i>&nbsp;to <i>Superman: The Movie</i>&nbsp;again, and it's going to be like comparing <i>Jack and Jill</i>&nbsp;to <i>The Godfather</i>.<br /><br />The tagline for <i>Superman: The Movie</i>&nbsp;was "you will believe a man can fly". Dated as the film ended up being (and it's not <i>that</i>&nbsp;dated, as far as 1970s sci-fi goes - it's not as timeless as the preceeding year's <i>Star Wars</i>, but it's not as inherently ridiculous-looking as <i>Jaws</i>), the effects are believable - or, to put it in other words, you <i>do</i>&nbsp;believe a man can fly, watching that movie. There's no doubt for a second that Christopher Reeve is Superman. When Lois Lane asks, "you've got me... but who's got you??" the immediate answer isn't "THE WIRES I CAN SEE THE WIRES"... yes, it is indeed a believable, if not realistic, film.<br /><br />In <i>Man of Steel</i>, the tagline is "you will witness a computer-generated double of our characters lurch violently forward in lieu of actually running fast and it will break your suspension of disbelief". Or maybe it was "by the producer of <i>The Dark Knight</i>". The point is, a great deal many of the animations in <i>Man of Steel</i>&nbsp;are atrocious. And oddly so, too, I might add; the whole film, typically, uses CGI rather flawlessly. The scenes of Superman actually <i>flying</i>&nbsp;are fine, as are scenes in space; hell, even the scenes on Krypton aren't so obviously fake that I was taken out of the illusion. So why, I wonder, are there scenes of - as I mentioned - characters lurching suddenly forward, encased in motion blur, making movements no human could make, completely breaking the flow? I mean yes I know these are superhuman movements, but it's still unbelievable. Worse still, there are scenes in which Superman is jumping very, very high, and I swear to god <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzceykTiwjs" target="_blank">it looks about as good as Ang Lee's <i>The Hulk</i>&nbsp;looked</a>. Ang Lee's the goddamn <i>Hulk</i>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-evci_j8M4hI/UmPLErpoa4I/AAAAAAAABww/G3SDxPaEkSE/s1600/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h15m07s79.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-evci_j8M4hI/UmPLErpoa4I/AAAAAAAABww/G3SDxPaEkSE/s400/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h15m07s79.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />But besides the effects... and the editing... and the script, and the aesthetic, and the staging, and the pacing... the intervening scenes are... watchable. Sometimes good, even. There are flashbacks to Clark's troubled childhood as he grows up with Superman powers - a particularly effective one, as he realizes he can see and hear <i>everything</i>&nbsp;and runs to lock himself in a cupboard in the vain hope that it might go away. They are acted superbly and, though Snyder showcases a supreme lack of ability to exercise proper pacing, are the most inherently good parts of the film. The scenes following - Clark finding work difficult, Clark seeing his mother, being chased by a persistent Lois Lane, finding a Russell Crowe computer ghost, all that... it's not awful. Not good! In fact, very much leaning towards "bad". But it is quiet, and well-acted (as I said), and calm.<br /><br />Then the film takes a left turn, and stops being watchable. It starts hurting. The <i>pain</i>&nbsp;begins.<br /><br />Zod returns to Earth, and asks for Superman back. So Superman comes back and is like, "hey Zod, I don't know who you are, but we're probably pals, right?" And Zod - who has grown a beard in the meantime, and a spiffing one at that - decides to take his petty revenge on Jor-El the only way he knows how: torturing his son Kal-El in a expository dream sequence! ...I don't have any idea why he had to expose solely during a dream sequence. I don't know why that dream sequence had to have a pool of skulls in the cornfields. I don't... I can't wrap my head around either Snyder's or Goyer's or god forbid Nolan's decision to reveal Zod's master plan to Superman by having a disconnected nightmare sequence. I don't understand. I really don't.<br /><br />Superman wakes up, Jor-El's ghost does some stuff with Lois, they break out of Zod's ship and they go to save the day, as Zod starts his masterful plan - terraform Earth into Krypton! And as this plan starts, so does all of Snyder's inkling of respectability and restraint get thrown viciously out the window. How do I... how do I explain what these fight scenes are... hmmm... okay, I got it. <i>People and/or things are thrown into other things. Those things and/or other things explode</i>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qM7GW_KBoA4/UmPLyjhtnyI/AAAAAAAABw4/QvJDZsYK7mo/s1600/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h14m39s62.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qM7GW_KBoA4/UmPLyjhtnyI/AAAAAAAABw4/QvJDZsYK7mo/s400/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h14m39s62.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />That's it. That's action sequences. See, this film earned its 7.2/10 on IMDb.<br /><br />Superman piledrives Zod through a pair of silos that for some reason explode. Then Superman drives Zod through a 7/11, which also explodes. That there was my threshold for explosions. One explosion is sort of shocking, and exciting. Two in a row can be halfway exhilarating. Anymore than that and the explosions just get... boring. Stale. It just becomes a bombardment of colour and noise. Which is what then the fights become. Combined with the fake-as-hell CG quick-dash move (done by double-tapping forward and hitting "A" while the left trigger is held down), the frenetic and frantic handicam-o-vision which I thought was reserved for Michael Bay's films, the dull colour palette, the noise, and the speed of the cuts, the result is a series of action sequences which are offensive to the eyes and ears. It really was painful, with everything resulting in a KABOOMABLAMMO, orange gas explosions so typically Hollywood; something collapsing or crashing, or... whatever. You know. It's all just noise. You grow dull to it, but that doesn't make it less painful.<br /><br />Then comes the following scenes. Having dispatched two of Zod's henchmen, codenames Small Girl and Big Man, Zod plants his interplanetary terraforming device through the planet. Metropolis starts to collapse and we witness an apocalyptic series of events done with absolutely no charm or grace. The same insistently loud, messy, visually confusing approach to setpieces, taken off of the streets and placed onto a planetary scale. Fantastic. I wonder why they needed this introductory Superman film to be so "epic" in the first place. I could have taken a finale like this during the last part of a trilogy; the entire Earth at stake, Superman single-handedly having to remove a giant spaceship wedging itself through the planet. That's a decent concept for a series finale. But this isn't a series finale at all! This is a reboot, and the fact that they went this large a scale tells me that they lack either restraint, or foresight, or both. Like when J.J. Abrams' first <i>Star Trek</i>&nbsp;film blew up a planet: what is he gonna blow up next? The galaxy? The universe? Playing all your cards at once is a bad move enough as it is without flicking them forcibly into the audience's face.<br /><br /><br />So BLAM BOOM KAPOW BWWAAAAM (that's the <i>Inception</i>&nbsp;noise but it's okay because Hans Zimmer did it and he's the composer here!) BZZZZZT (that's a space laser) BAZZTTTTTT (that's another kind of space laser) BLAM BLOOM AHH HEELP LAWRENCE FISHBURNE PLEASE (Lawrence Fishburne has to do Superman's job of saving people, as he's off punching a laser, no yes Superman punches a laser and no it is not as awesome as it sounds or at all) and that's it. That's the movie. We're done. Also there were... metal tentacle things I guess? It was weird. Hey I dunno man, I'm just one guy. I can't be expected to keep track of <i>everything</i>&nbsp;that goes on over the course of two and a half hours.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-p33_LDB5B5E/UmPMpj0Yn7I/AAAAAAAABxA/tuLxfarvO8Q/s1600/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h27m12s161.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-p33_LDB5B5E/UmPMpj0Yn7I/AAAAAAAABxA/tuLxfarvO8Q/s400/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h27m12s161.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />Zod lays defeated, and, the devastating ruins of Metropolis in the background, the ash of millions of innocent people who couldn't escape the death laser in time coating the very ground upon which they stand, Superman shares a passionate kiss with Lois Lane. Zod then dies and the credits roll. There may have been something else at the end. I vaguely recall something punching buildings, likely filled with more innocent people, as they die. Also perhaps Superman... I think he snapped a... neck? Or a... pipe? He did some plumbing. Yes, he was invited to do some plumbing, and he accidentally cracked open a valve and water went everywhere and he screamed in agony for his fallen race and the blood on his hands. Or maybe Henry Cavill was screaming because he stepped on a thumbtack, and Snyder left it in. Because edgy.<br /><br />No, in all seriousness. There is a final climactic battle with Zod. Far less filled with explosions - though no less filled with things being thrown at things! - it is a tremendously boring series of CG-lathered events, even more unbelievable and lacking any grit or tension than before. People have compared it to <i>Dragon Ball Z</i>, which I find disingenuous, because at least you know what's happening in <i>Dragon Ball Z</i>. When Goku shouts "Kame Hame Ha!" you understand that he's using his Kame Hame Ha move. I couldn't tell what was happening in <i>Man of Steel</i>'s fight. It was a clusterbomb of random nothingness, of collateral damage and then they were in space and... it was dumb. And finally, at the end, Superman is left with no choice but to kill Zod, marking the first on-screen Superman murder. Hooray!<br /><br />Some people will tell you <i>Man of Steel </i>is a bold "re-imagining" of the Superman mythos. Truth is, those people are liars. The proof is in the pudding - <i>Man of Steel</i>&nbsp;doesn't want to be a Superman film.<br /><br /><i>Man of Steel</i>&nbsp;only twice calls Kal-El/Clark Kent "Superman" - and both times, disapprovingly, as if the name is inherently silly on its own. It is strange, though. Nolan, Goyer, and Snyder all wanted to make a Superman film - they poured millions and millions of dollars in to do just that. But the similarities it shares with the comic book Superman are not only superficial - they're childish. The film is innately juvenile, in throwing out many elements of Superman lore and iconography, in exchange for... grit? Pools of skulls, and murder? Does that sound like decisions adults would make? Or does it sound like grimdark teenage fantasy...? (Is Zack Snyder actually a teenager? Has anyone aged him? It would explain a lot, actually.)<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W1n2tiaANUA/UmPM0jTAEgI/AAAAAAAABxI/fcxjzP-Puho/s1600/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h28m14s12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W1n2tiaANUA/UmPM0jTAEgI/AAAAAAAABxI/fcxjzP-Puho/s400/vlcsnap-2013-10-20-23h28m14s12.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />Comic books are a rare format - they're written by adults, for adults, but almost wholly marketed and aimed at children. Comics master this deficiency by making sure their stories are emotionally charged, giving credence to their art by injecting real life into fake characters. Where they can't be overtly politically or sexually charged, they are romantic, or subversive, or they master longform storytelling - arcs, following multiple characters over years worth of publications.<br /><br />With <i>Man of Steel</i>, any subtlety, maturity and thematically "adult" properties attached to the Superman lore are disregarded because they're... well, I don't know. I've heard the film described as one defined less by what it is, and more by what it isn't, and that makes sense. It doesn't just want to be a Superman film, it wants to <i>not</i>&nbsp;be Richard Donner's Superman films. It doesn't want to be accused of not having Superman punch people. It wants to not be <i>exactly</i> like the comics. But it does want to use those situations; it drains them of their life, it drains characters of their souls and in exchange it provides... nothing. Nothing but explosions, throwing, screaming, yelling, death, and skulls. It rejects ideas like Superman being called "Superman," Clark Kent working at Daily Planet and blending in well, Pa Kent telling Superman to use his powers for good, but is seemingly okay with humanoid space aliens tearing each other violently apart with laser eyes and punches and skulls.<br /><br />So when I say that it hurt me physically - and I can still feel the headache from having watched it now, barely residing - I refer less to the absolute joke that its set-pieces devolve into, and more to the story that offended me as a moviegoer who appreciates adaptions made with the goal to enhance their source material, rather than doggedly try - and fail - to usurp and precede their source material. <i>Without</i> skulls.<br /><br /><i>Man of Steel</i>&nbsp;doesn't want to be a Superman film. It doesn't want to be regarded in the same leagues as other Superman films. Luckily, it has achieved its wish - it's not even in the same league as <i>Superman Returns</i>, and doesn't that hurt hardest. It hits the reset button and fills the empty slate with grim violence and pathetic attempts at realism and grit, jagged scene staging, rushed pacing and schizophrenic editing. It is easily the worst film I've watched this year, and I sincerely hope it CG motion-blur dashes its way off a cliff, into a pile of skulls.Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-62357743260311773102013-07-13T04:53:00.000-07:002013-07-18T07:33:06.829-07:00Review: "Pacific Rim"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ODArrhwjQNs/UeE9Qj4H2_I/AAAAAAAABs8/ShREgWkpNYU/s1600/944508_533767976689504_764647807_n%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ODArrhwjQNs/UeE9Qj4H2_I/AAAAAAAABs8/ShREgWkpNYU/s400/944508_533767976689504_764647807_n%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />If the idea of a director at the top of his game making a movie solely on the basis that it excites his inner child somehow <i>doesn't </i>appeal to you, I need you to stop reading. Right now. This film isn't for you. Go and watch <i>The King's Speech</i>&nbsp;or something droll. Alright? Alright.<br /><br />So. Guillermo del Toro is indisputably an expert filmmaker, having mastered a fair degree of genres and amassing well-deserved popularity, and that might just be me, but I'm pretty certain it's an established fact. He explored similar "monster movie" ideas in films like <i>Pan's Labyrinth </i>and the <i>Hellboy</i>&nbsp;series - so, in a way, <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;is a culmination of his previous interests into one colossal, big-budget summer release - a film where giant robots punch giant lizards in the face, with all of the polish such a concept has rarely deserved (or afforded).<br /><a name='more'></a><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DGr0fJxETCo/UeE-ZODexlI/AAAAAAAABtY/XDxLshnc6ZM/s1600/270528_533768253356143_2061381860_n%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DGr0fJxETCo/UeE-ZODexlI/AAAAAAAABtY/XDxLshnc6ZM/s400/270528_533768253356143_2061381860_n%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Undoubtedly, <i>Pacific Rim</i>'s tone is what will ultimately set it apart from its contemporaries. While even the joke-heavy <i>Transformers</i>&nbsp;pulled itself up on (failed) attempts at legitimacy and pageantry, <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;is a wry, knowing wink to a time where you could laugh at the "serious" parts of a film; where even among unimaginable horrors of war, death, and psychological distress, a thick layer of self-awareness permeated any chance of it becoming in any way grim. Not to say that the story isn't involving, of course. The carefree tone lets the film run wild with a number of extremely curious sci-fi ideas, creating an intriguing world filled with interesting people. The pacing is impeccable, with all the information being doled out at a steady rate without any kind of over-reliance on dumps of exposition, and the action hits astonishing crescendos at just the right moments. Never once is it a boring film, and for a film just over two hours long, it keeps interest maintained with absolute gusto.<br /><br />In a nutshell, humanity is being invaded by giant beasts called Kaiju (who are attacking from a portal, to another dimension, deep beneath the pacific ocean), and so send manned robots called Jaegers to fight them. Since the Jaegers are so big, it's established two pilots are required to operate them - going into a mind meld neural link kind of thing, sharing the load so their brains don't collapse. (That concept approaches techno-thriller levels of interesting, but, while it is explored in tantalizing detail, it's never so important that it does anything but explain why there need to be two pilots in a Jaeger at the same time.) The Jaegers are sent out to punch and kick and shoot the Kaiju to death. Eventually the Kaiju seemingly "adapt" to the Jaeger's attacks, and the machines become increasing less effective. Thus enter <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;- ostensibly a story about the Jaeger program's one last strike at the alien threat before its decommission by the government in favour of just building really big walls. Walls which of <i>course</i> end up working perfectly, in a staggering twist on genre tropes that oh wait no not really<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0g7vonMx2zk/UeE9sN6rJzI/AAAAAAAABtE/0ZG4NmTIkkg/s1600/995703_533769426689359_1491047175_n%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0g7vonMx2zk/UeE9sN6rJzI/AAAAAAAABtE/0ZG4NmTIkkg/s400/995703_533769426689359_1491047175_n%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />The cast is led up by a very dry Charlie Hunnam as "stock troubled white protagonist #7186". He's an expert Jaeger pilot who lost his brother and so has to be wooed back into action with promises of etc. He's joined by Rinko Kikuchi as Mako Mori, a young rookie who has always dreamed of becoming a Jaeger pilot. So far, so boring. Hunnam's performance is absolutely adequate, while Rinko's is ever-so-slightly above adequate.<br /><br />The supporting cast, with Idris Elba, Charlie Day, Burn Gorman and Ron Perlman, all absolutely pick up the slack. From a veteran pilot turned fleet commander, to a Kaiju war profiteer who sells off bits of their enormous carcasses on the black market, to a "Kaiju Groupie" of a scientist who obsesses over the creatures and "dreams of seeing them up-close and alive" - they're all colourful, varied, and likable, breathing a welcome personality into the proceedings that Charlie Hunnam absolutely does not provide.<br /><br />The focus on the human element of the plot isn't intrinsically dense, but it is effective at making sure we, as an audience, understand how big a deal these Kaiju actually are. Human life is given a higher price in this film than one would expect, with careful detail given to show that, yes, buildings are toppling over and cars are being trodden on and boats are being capsized, but citizens have all been evacuated, and loss of human life is absolutely tragic no matter the circumstances. This is in stark contrast to <i>Man of Steel's </i>blatant disregard for human life, and it is damn welcome, make no mistake of that.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DVJ06f20PiY/UeE-HACeevI/AAAAAAAABtQ/7AVrrSENH8Q/s1600/1016262_533768193356149_960692317_n%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DVJ06f20PiY/UeE-HACeevI/AAAAAAAABtQ/7AVrrSENH8Q/s400/1016262_533768193356149_960692317_n%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />The real star of the show is the production design, though. There's a vein of sheer, unbridled craftsmanship and artistry running through <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;that very much mirrors del Toro's previous films - in particular <i>Hellboy II</i>, which is literally one of the best-looking films ever made, and that there's a fact, ladies and gentlemen. A fear of mine that the lack of man-in-suit or animatronic creatures and robots would somehow diminish the callbacks to the progenitors of the genre; with fantastic art design and staggeringly perfect cinematography, most of those fears fly out the window. The use of props, outfits and sets is pleasantly abundant, albeit less so than in <i>Pan's Labyrinth</i>, and the sheer sense of scale, scope, and weight to everything shown on screen is tangible. I haven't seen things that are meant to be big <i>look</i>&nbsp;this properly BIG before, and I can't imagine much comes close. The excessive use of CGI quickly becomes justified as the true scale of the film opens up - a sprawling, realistically weighted, and sometimes uncanny hugeness that is absolutely one of the film's finest achievements. And that's all without mentioning the Jaeger and Kaiju designs themselves, all of which are deliciously simple and effective in a way that raises quite a large middle finger to the likes of the busy, over-complicated designs of Michael Bay's <i>Transformers</i>.<br /><br />Specifically regarding the cinematography, it reminds me rather a lot of <i>Skyfall</i>&nbsp;in its artistry - everything is framed like a goddamn painting, with utter importance placed on scale, colour, lighting, and perspective. There is some egregious use of "shakey cam," but 99% of the film is shot flat. In particular, the establishing shots used to demonstrate the height of the Jaegars, or the inside of facilities, or just the empty city streets before a Kaiju hits, are flawless and beautiful. It is a damn good looking film, and it's cut together expertly by people who seemingly give a shit. That's really comforting to know, that there are films like this still being made. There are scenes in particular - and I shan't ruin them - that are jaw-dropping in their haunting beauty, and they prove that del Toro understands this medium visually unlike any other director in Hollywood.<br /><br />Strangely enough, after all of that, I think the worst thing about the film is... well... the fights.<br /><br />And boy is that an odd thing to have said.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QfUGWUhhufw/UeE8hm6dlLI/AAAAAAAABs0/JWCv_PPvP_E/s1600/1017680_533768066689495_419368227_n%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QfUGWUhhufw/UeE8hm6dlLI/AAAAAAAABs0/JWCv_PPvP_E/s400/1017680_533768066689495_419368227_n%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />The film's script is fast-paced and quick-witted. The art design, sound design, music, score, costumes, props, CG art, animation... pretty much everything is perfect, and it all suits the tone absolutely to a tee. Everything folds into <i>Pacific Rim</i>&nbsp;in a way that absolutely achieves more or less everything the film sets out to do - an exciting, cheeky, imaginative robot on monster epic. And yet, when the robots finally get onto the monsters... the imagination seems to drain out.<br /><br />Now, it is fairly exciting. They're still as well paced as any other element of the movie, the fight scenes. But they are far less imaginative and compelling than I would have liked. I mean, I wasn't expecting <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E284IfUyssc"><i>Godzilla vs Hedorah</i>&nbsp;kind of stuff</a>, but for a film that has robots with dual sawblades, swords, and plasma cannons sticking out of them - and monsters with horns, wings, six arms, giant claws, and what have you - there's an inane amount of the fighting that boils down to "robot and monster collide with each other and maybe kind of grab each other or punch each other at the same time".<br /><br />There are key moments in which the set pieces seem to have set pieces of their own - and <i>those</i>&nbsp;are phenomenal. Scenes set in the upper stratosphere, scenes where tanker boats collide with faces... scenes where swords gut Kaiju like fish... it's all here, and it's all incredible. But around it there is a resigned, mundane nature to how it all goes down. For a film so utterly excited about showing off robots, about showing off monsters, and all the people involved at their feet... it has very little <i>truly</i> creative to show off when they finally go head-to-head.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C5NmShShRpA/UeE_F66ey0I/AAAAAAAABtk/11QDzu6Q1Uc/s1600/971121_533768010022834_1803717072_n%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C5NmShShRpA/UeE_F66ey0I/AAAAAAAABtk/11QDzu6Q1Uc/s400/971121_533768010022834_1803717072_n%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />At any rate, there comes a point where it really doesn't matter. I didn't realize, but it was true, that I had a smile on my face the whole time when watching <i>Pacific Rim</i>. It's a really quite charming example of a director making a film he <i>wants</i>&nbsp;to make, and - as I've mentioned - everything in the production design and writing is <i>excited</i>. It's juvenile concept collides with unmatched craftsmanship and attention to detail, creating a spectacle of a motion picture experience that is never once not passionate about so much as merely existing. It is a shame, I suppose, that at some point the film supposedly gets more excited about setting up fights than actually <i>doing</i>&nbsp;them.<br /><br />With the impeccable sense of weight and scale, I can't imagine anyone invested in the kaiju genre would walk away disappointed. I also would feel that fans of goofy science-fiction will walk away absolutely satisfied - there's some truly intriguing concepts explored in this film, a cast of characters that are truly fun to be around, and a lot of cool gadgets and techno-babble nonsense to sink your teeth into. Del Toro's respect, admiration, and inspiration for the genre is liberal and welcome - a truly "in the know" film that pays both homage and respect to its roots, to the point that, that the film is dedicated to "monster masters" Ray Harryhausen and Ishiro Honda, is absolute no surprise.<br /><br />&nbsp;For the most part, though, the meat of the film - set-piece man vs monster brawls - are predictable and uninspired, saved only by occasional glimpses of utter creative genius... a creative genius that is shamefully not running throughout the entirety of those scenes. So, yeah, <i>Pacific Rim</i>... it's good. I wholeheartedly recommend it. Just not for what I thought I'd end up recommending it for.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zyf64PzRnjY/UeE_Y8tLvcI/AAAAAAAABts/WWfKAPf3SkI/s1600/3+stars.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zyf64PzRnjY/UeE_Y8tLvcI/AAAAAAAABts/WWfKAPf3SkI/s1600/3+stars.png" /></a></div><br />Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-30312703933946197292013-07-10T07:44:00.002-07:002013-07-13T03:43:20.493-07:00"I don't want to have to say it."<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-P6YX9h5ewJs/UeEtswUdrLI/AAAAAAAABsk/sU8iONa2xcM/s1600/WW%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-P6YX9h5ewJs/UeEtswUdrLI/AAAAAAAABsk/sU8iONa2xcM/s400/WW%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />I never knew Ryan Davis - not personally. I was, like most people on this Earth, bearing witness to his exploits through the medium of the internet. Videos, streams, podcasts, and other assorted multimedia formats are perhaps my only exposure to Ryan's life. And yet I did feel like I <i>knew</i>&nbsp;the man.<br /><br />I didn't. I absolutely did not. If the outpouring of support following his tragic death has shown me anything, it's that I understood but the barest percentage of who Ryan Davis was. Regardless, his passing hit me like a punch to the gut. Today, I broke out crying in front of my father, afraid that Ryan's 34 years on the Earth might unfortunately be mirrored in my own. I was afraid to die.<br /><a name='more'></a><br /><br />And that's crazy, because, I'll be blunt, I have been depressed to the point of being suicidal for the better half of the past decade. Lots of people I respected and enjoyed have died this year, most prominently film critic Roger Ebert - one of the few voices in criticism I respected as much as a person as an academic. But Ryan Davis... the more I think about it, the more I realize that I <i>only</i>&nbsp;ever respected him as a person. There was no "critic" Ryan Davis to detach from the bright, bubbly personality that I invited onto my computer so frequently. Just Ryan.<br /><br />So, as I was saying, I was afraid to die. And as someone who is constantly suicidal, that's... it's kind of stupid. Yeah? I went from being totally okay with passing on, both myself and others, to being utterly terrified of the notion. I was scared I was going to die in my sleep, so I sat nerve-wracked in bed until I eventually passed out at 4am. Well... obviously I wasn't <i>that</i>&nbsp;scared, cos a rational person would have made themselves a pot of coffee. I'm not rational, obviously. Also, I hate coffee. So, there.<br /><br />I realized, though, in an almost drunken daze, why it was I was afraid to die. I wasn't before Ryan Davis passed, but I was after.<br /><br />I have done close to nothing I've wanted to do on this planet yet.<br /><br />Ryan Davis may not have either. I can't say for sure, and I don't want to guess. But I can say this - the man has left a legacy of laughs behind the likes of which are unparalleled. At the time of my writing this, videos of his are cycling Giant Bomb's front page without thought for pause - an endless, consistent stream of his warmth, humour, and insight. The man, in his leaving us, has been solidified forever in, not only the hearts and minds of his friends, family, and colleagues, but in his contribution to popular culture - being himself, and presenting it to a wide audience.<br /><br />I want to do the kind of things he has done.<br /><br />Ryan Davis is a true inspiration to me.<br /><br />It might sound selfish, but Ryan's death most heavily effected me because I realized that his life was one that will probably never truly die. He left his mark on <i>everyone</i>&nbsp;(or so it would seem), so efficiently, just by <i>being</i>, that he represents so many of the ideals I have failed to strive towards. So instead of coming out of this tragedy by being saddened that he's gone... I'm going to instead use it to give myself hope.<br /><br />We all should be more like Ryan Davis, this much is true. But I'm only directly in control of one human body at the moment, and that's mine, and so that'll be my goal. My aim is to be... hell, even a quarter as good as Ryan Davis was. Because that's what he's inspired in me. He was, truly, one of the best of us, and his radiance will never dim. If I can be the fraction of him that I knew of, I can make the world a brighter, funnier, warmer place.<br /><br />I've seen a lot of people say "RIP Ryan Davis." I don't want to have to say it. The big man'll rest in peace whether we wish it for him or not. My plan is to make sure his death gets the better of me in a positive way. I want to stride forward, not in his image or memory, but in his <i>shadow</i>. As long as Giant Bomb is one of the websites that convinced me I want to write about videogames on the internet, I can let Ryan's spirit live on, so, that's what I'll do. I'll press forward.<br /><br />Like I said, if I can bring across even the fraction of the spirit I saw in him, I'm pretty confident he'll have made my tiny corner of the world just that much more significantly brighter, and my life that much more hopeful. It seems horribly vain to talk about <i>my</i>&nbsp;future when discussing someone else's death, I know. ...it's what he's left in me, though. True hope. To the end.<br /><br />...oh, but I do, don't I? I do need to thank him personally. I can't, but I need to. So... yeah, what the hell. It's probably fitting, considering. So, Ryan Davis, thank you. Thank you so, so much, for everything you've given me, and everyone. And, though I'm sure you'll do it anyway, rest in peace. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, duder.Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-74019216680947445812013-06-26T03:06:00.000-07:002013-08-06T03:08:28.813-07:00Review: "Deadpool"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KV0iJR8KuIQ/UgDDbHkagpI/AAAAAAAABuA/fyL-NVBjp8M/s1600/2013-06-25_00052%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KV0iJR8KuIQ/UgDDbHkagpI/AAAAAAAABuA/fyL-NVBjp8M/s400/2013-06-25_00052%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />It was around the time <i>Deadpool</i> went up for pre-order that things started to seem… off. <a href="http://kotaku.com/activision-lays-off-high-moon-studios-deadpool-team-466330803" target="_blank">High Moon was hit with layoffs</a>, the team working on <i>Deadpool</i> hit hardest. The release date of June 25th seemed too early for a game with such a high-profile company’s license attached to it, and the fact that Activision didn’t send out early review copies made it all the more clear that they were kicking this one out the door as quickly and quietly as possible. For $30.<br /><br />I was all good and ready to either love <i>Deadpool</i> like one would love an ugly, braindead puppy, or hate it with an unbridled vengeance. It was either going to be a diamond in the rough, a fantastic game struggling to find its time behind a low budget and a butchered development team, or it was going to be a throwaway piece of cash-grabbing garbage. A masterpiece, or a failure. A hit, or a flop. I didn’t consider it could be a <i>third</i> thing.<br /><br />Because what I got was much worse.<br /><a name='more'></a><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6XK_Bfs-cSQ/UgDDjwBchwI/AAAAAAAABuI/XkuelW0mIC8/s1600/2013-06-25_00041%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6XK_Bfs-cSQ/UgDDjwBchwI/AAAAAAAABuI/XkuelW0mIC8/s400/2013-06-25_00041%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><i>Deadpool</i>’s greatest crime is that of being utterly unremarkable. It is not good, but I can’t in all honesty say it’s bad either. It’s not particularly funny, but it’s never actively <i>unfunny</i>. <i>Deadpool </i>feels like a half-baked shell of a potentially awesome game, occasionally raising above the threshold of “average” for long enough to make its fall back down all the more insulting. I cannot bring myself to give it a broad recommendation, and yet I cannot bring myself to condemn it. It is blatantly broken, this much is true, but… hmmm.<br /><br />Let me start from the top. Y’all know who Deadpool <i>is</i>, right?<br /><br />Well, just in case…<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VIxqqt6LrmI/UgDD4ms041I/AAAAAAAABuQ/NKlK3Zr0exU/s1600/2013-06-25_00129%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VIxqqt6LrmI/UgDD4ms041I/AAAAAAAABuQ/NKlK3Zr0exU/s400/2013-06-25_00129%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Deadpool! He’s the Merc with the Mouth. The dude with the ‘tude. The Rob Liefeld original creation that has evolved from a mildly psychopathic villain into a full-blown, impossibly psychotic anti-hero. He’s also a fan-favourite Marvel character, so there’s a lot of people holding their breath for this first Deadpool-starring videogame to fulfill their ultimate wishes for the character. Just a heads up: you should stop holding your breath.<br /><br />Deadpool’s powers (and mental psychosis) has varied over the years, but the most prominent features are this: he can’t die, he has a healing factor borrowed from Wolverine, and he is self-aware to the point that he “knows” (thinks?) that he is in a comic book. Logically, then, in a Deadpool game, Deadpool must ergo know he is in a game. I was expecting the fourth wall to be leaned on, maybe kicked through a few times. I did not expect the fourth wall to be utterly and completely nonexistant. Seriously, there’s breaking the fourth wall, and there’s not <i>having</i> a fourth wall in the freakin’ first place – and that’s the approach this Deadpool game decided to take.<br /><br />Written by fan-not-favourite <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/series/59626-deadpool" target="_blank">Deadpool scribe, Daniel Way</a>, the game’s plot starts off merely odd. In his run-down apartment, Deadpool phones up High Moon and asks to make them his game for him. Then Deadpool (as voiced by Nolan North) phones up Nolan North to ask if he’s going to voice Deadpool for him, between bites of pizza and pancakes. (The game they made, in case it wasn’t obvious, being the one I’m reviewing right now.) There’s a level of meta-narrative that would be wholly appropriate in a <i>Bioshock</i> game – disposed of for the sake of a handful of not particularly clever jokes. But it isn’t overbearing at all, it’s just Deadpool’s nature, so it doesn’t negatively impact anything on a narrative level. It’s just a bit of fun. All in good fun.<br /><br />…at <i>first</i>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jEhTEbV8434/UgDEyxU-I9I/AAAAAAAABug/P8ymLcX6s4s/s1600/2013-06-25_00059.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jEhTEbV8434/UgDEyxU-I9I/AAAAAAAABug/P8ymLcX6s4s/s400/2013-06-25_00059.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />It’s important to establish this game’s status quo up front, because it will make or break your potential for squeezing enjoyment out of this game. Do you like the idea that Deadpool talks to a floating taco? Do you enjoy the absurdity of <i>Family Guy</i>-esque non-sequiturs showing up out of buttfuck nowhere? Do you think Deadpool being wholly aware that he is in a game for the <i>whole</i> game – the <i>whole fucking game</i> – would get old? Does Deadpool’s obsession with “da hawt babes” and “boobies” make you cringe at all? Chimichangas? Your answers to these questions determine whether or not this is “your” Deadpool. For the record, I enjoy it immensely (coming from a guy that actually liked <i>Duke Nukem Forever</i>’s sense of humour, that might not instill you with any confidence). But if you prefer your <i><a href="http://marvel.com/comics/series/693/cable_deadpool_2004_-_2008" target="_blank">Cable and Deadpool</a> </i>to your <a href="http://marvel.com/comics/collection/46060/deadpool_vol_1_dead_presidents_trade_paperback" target="_blank"><i>Deadpool: Dead Presidents</i></a>, then you might find this game too “full on” for your tastes. You might even find it a little insulting to your dedication.<br /><br />Like I said, though, I enjoy it. It feels like something Adult Swim would put up between episodes of <i>Robot Chicken</i>, with Deadpool’s warped delusions of reality becoming the game’s reality coming off as immensely gratifying. The things that happen in the game, happen with absolutely no regard for the player’s comprehension of the situation; series of events, strung together in an inane, incomprehensible sequence of backwards-talking gobbledygook. It doesn’t always seem that way from the outset, but the game reaches a critical mass in which it becomes a demented, Marvel-flavoured fever dream. That’s just fine by me. Especially with the neverending “we’re inside a game!” aspect, it reminds me (pleasantly!) of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eat_Lead:_The_Return_of_Matt_Hazard" target="_blank"><i>Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard</i></a>, which I know a lot of the fans who make up that title's cult following will be chuffed to hear.<br /><br />…it’s less fine, however, that the rest of the game doesn’t actually seem to support the idea that it was meant to be that way. I said the game felt broken earlier, perhaps that was a little harsh – it feels <i>half finished.</i> The levels are connected barely tangentially, the plot developing on a whim, and characters dropping in and out like ducks on a shooting range. The result is that the game feels fractured and disjointed – befitting of Deadpool’s mental state throughout the entirety of the campaign. And yet… there are definite marks that this game was meant to have <i>more</i>. Areas feel padded for the sake of extending gameplay length, things are introduced in orders unrelated to their importance, and… it honestly feels like a game that is missing its middle. And its front. And most of its back. A game strung together on the dreams of its handful of remaining developers; a broken, mangled, incomplete <i>mess</i>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PmkUa_E-rtU/UgDFEVAu9DI/AAAAAAAABuo/wswqPbMu_os/s1600/2013-06-26_00012%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PmkUa_E-rtU/UgDFEVAu9DI/AAAAAAAABuo/wswqPbMu_os/s400/2013-06-26_00012%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Speaking of messes, let’s move on to the core gameplay.<br /><br />Smart decision: make the game a character action game a la <i>Bayonetta</i> and <i>Devil May Cry</i>. Poor decision: make it not very good.<br /><br />Perhaps lending credence to my half-finished game theory is that the melee combat is simultaneously weightless and crude, and yet sloppy, clunky, and unrefined. There is a certain cock of the head one makes when you discover that this is a game in which you can string combos together, but you can achieve almost exactly the same results by literally mashing random buttons. Absolutely no skill involved, except maybe knowing when to dodge out of the way – using Deadpool's once-canon short-range teleport. You’re outright given cues when to dodge so you can counter, anyway, so the challenge really does boil down to “press buttons until you’re told to press another button”. So, yeah. Combat? Cheap. Tacky. Throwaway. Next.<br /><br />Putting down the cheap <i>Devil May Cry</i>-wannabe melee combat, you’ll find the game’s movement system. It’s not awful – you can move around, you can jump, double-jump, and wall jump with relative ease. It’s not really a problem until you’re forced into platforming sections with it. They’re not controls made for platforming, and yet the developers want you to… it isn’t just <i>Deadpool</i> that does this, either. Even <i>Half-Life </i>had absolutely awful forced platforming sections – I thought we all agreed for the medium back then that we should stop having them in things! Yet all the time, I see them pop up. <i>Darksiders </i>had them, the <i>Devil May Cry</i> series continues to have them despite them absolutely being the singular black mark against its otherwise flawless execution of elements… now <i>Deadpool</i> has them. <i>Deadpool </i>hasn’t got much left to ruin, so they’re actually more tolerable than in, say, <i>Devil May Cry 4</i> (in which they are a hideous distraction from otherwise stellar combat sequences). That doesn’t make them better, though. And the nerve of High Moon to add in a horrid, cheap-looking, recycled-textures-filled 2D “retro” platforming sequence with these physics is just plain stupid. <i>Stupid</i>, I tells ya!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CUVJWPISTbg/UgDFMduLBPI/AAAAAAAABuw/DQWUtoOGJBc/s1600/2013-06-25_00019%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CUVJWPISTbg/UgDFMduLBPI/AAAAAAAABuw/DQWUtoOGJBc/s400/2013-06-25_00019%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Things pick up when you get into the third-person shooting bit. It plays more or less completely like a stock-standard third-person shooter – like a cheaper version of High Moon’s own <i>Transformers: Fall of Cybertron</i>. It is, unlike the combat, actually working as intended, though. The guns have an actual weight, and a <i>kick</i> to them, so they’re a joy to use, and &nbsp;it’s something the game never actually hinges on, either, so it’s often a delight to pull out a shotgun and realize… oh, hey, this is actually halfway competent! Kinda wish the whole game was as acceptable.<br /><br />Bad news time: it kind of… actually… <i>is</i>. It’s by the wayside, no doubt. The mechanics in this game, while not outright <i>broken</i>, are sloppy, barely controllable and just kind of… there. The thing is, there are redeeming values scattered all over the game that completely invalidate a lot of the complaints I have about the crudeness of the mechanics. Perhaps befitting of Deadpool, this game is the fractured, inane mess with a glint of hope in its eyes.<br /><br />The melee combat. It’s unrefined and clunky and borderline laggy and you can mash buttons to do combos so why bother doing the combos and blah blah blah. But all the animations are… well, I won’t beat around the bush, they’re pretty damn fantastic. Deadpool is animated smoothly and beautifully, pulling off a bunch of moves that look really goddamn impressive. The result is that the simplicity of the combat is offset by the gratuitous satisfaction it provides. It’s an on-the-cheap knock-off <i>Devil May Cry</i> clone that at least looks like it plays well; and, for a minute (or two, or three!) you’ll likely find yourself actually having fun with it. In particular the “gunkata” system, in which you can string gunshots into your regular combos in an intuitive, and kickass, way. There, I used the word “kickass” – this officially a Deadpool game review.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BMcPSmb1NJE/UgDFdHwmX-I/AAAAAAAABu4/H1qPWjep6Xs/s1600/2013-06-26_00002%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BMcPSmb1NJE/UgDFdHwmX-I/AAAAAAAABu4/H1qPWjep6Xs/s400/2013-06-26_00002%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />The guns are kind of substandard, but that’s offset by the numerous upgrades you can buy for them. Making the shotguns shoot at 70% their normal firing rate… it’s definitely grin-inducing. Though… look, if you’re gonna have upgrades, that’s fine, but if it’s a linear progression of upgrade to better upgrade, don’t call it an “upgrade tree”. That’s not a tree, that’s a stick. Alright? It’s an important distinction to make. <i>Deadpool</i> has an upgrade stick. You use it to expend earned money to get better gear and shit. There.<br /><br />That said, there aren’t enough weapons, and this goes back yet again to the “not a finished game” thing. There are three melee weapons and four guns (all of them dual-wielded), and they all have their uses, but it really does seem like the game intended for there to be more. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were way more tools for Deadpool to kill with in early drafts of the game, just, all forced to be scrapped in the name of sparing money. It is an outright shame, and a bit of a disappointment, that for the whole game you can actually see the feint ghost of a <i>much</i>, much better game – a game that, perhaps in an alternate dimension, critics are hailing as “great”. We do not live in that dimension. We live in this one. And it is a pity that we do.<br /><br />The combat is really a piece of crap to control, but with Deadpool pulling off violently proficient moves with ease, strung together to form a gory, ballet-like storm of blades and bullets, it is not something I can bring myself to call “unenjoyable”. Even at its most insufferably dull, Deadpool still manages to find his own enjoyment… and I think that rubs off a bit on the player. Well with the fourth wall torn down, I’m assuming that’s no coincidence. Deadpool’s jollity and sense of humour is perhaps the only thing the game properly excels at.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YaqrxZ2De7k/UgDFk-mLbVI/AAAAAAAABvA/--888mXSNG0/s1600/2013-06-25_00157%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YaqrxZ2De7k/UgDFk-mLbVI/AAAAAAAABvA/--888mXSNG0/s400/2013-06-25_00157%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />There are “stealth” sections of the game. These are sections in which you crawl up behind enemies and hit a button to watch Deadpool do a kill or something. They’re not complicated, or even necessary, but there is a voyeuristic pleasure to be had as you control a Deadpool animated with cartoonishly exaggerated footsteps, have him line up dual hammers to an unsuspecting guard’s head for a “stealth” kill, and watching the kill take place, blood spurting everywhere and Deadpool himself dizzy with glee.<br /><br />It’s all on Nolan North’s performance(s), I think. He voices both Deadpool, as a one-liner-spouting joke dispenser (jokes that aren’t that well-written, but, surprisingly, are <i>not </i>frustrating to hear over and over again, thank fuck), and Deadpool’s inner voices. One of them is a polite (usually) well-spoken gentlemen with the soothing, deep tones of a proper Englishman. The other is a cackling buffoon, an incompetent moron who doesn’t understand exactly what it is that’s happening but goes with it anyway. It creates a very compelling illusion that Deadpool is actually three characters, which… well, it makes the game less repetitive, I’ll give it that.<br /><br />People will take a lot of offence to the nature of the one-liners in this game, spoken at more or less every opportunity – taking the “Merc with the Mouth” tag a little too literally for its own good. I get a very <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkqnAh_5ODw" target="_blank">Jim Carrey as The Mask</a> vibe from the character, as he pulls personalities, accents and objects out of thin air for various jokes (impressions and the like), but to High Moon’s – and Nolan North’s – credit: they do never get annoying. Not exactly damning fine praise, but it’s true. If you don’t think what Deadpool is saying is that funny, you can take solace in the fact that he is also not gratingly, pathetically unfunny. He’s like a charming yet failing stand-up comedian… you’re not laughing or clapping, but darn, you can’t bring yourself to boo him off the stage. He’s doing what he does and he’s having a bit of fun. There’s an infectious buzz of energy associated with it… can’t hold it against the guy.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Fl6m4pC6r-c/UgDF14XNngI/AAAAAAAABvI/OIyKgUPq1H0/s1600/2013-06-25_00046%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Fl6m4pC6r-c/UgDF14XNngI/AAAAAAAABvI/OIyKgUPq1H0/s400/2013-06-25_00046%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Marvel fans will likely take more out of the references and cameos than they will from the gameplay or “plot,” as it is so-called. If you wanted to know what Deadpool really thinks of, say, <a href="http://marvel.wikia.com/Spider-Man" target="_blank">Spider-Man</a>? You’ll know. If you want to see Deadpool grate on Wolverine or Cable’s nerves, that’s all here – Cable plays quite a large role in the game, actually, and I’m sure fans of the character will appreciate his involvement… kind of. <a href="http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=155421099" target="_blank">He is a tac</a>o for a bit. Um. Don’t ask.<br /><br />A lot of D-list Marvel villains show their faces, like <a href="http://marvel.wikia.com/Vertigo_(Savage_Land_Mutate)_(Earth-616)" target="_blank">Vertigo</a> (which Deadpool finds really, really amusing, exclaiming that she “has just the worst power” even as he’s throwing up his guts through his mask). Deadpool’s refusal to die due to his high healing factor is also abused incredibly well, in particular a scene in which he has been severed from his torso and must pull himself up by his intestines. It’s a nod and a wink to Marvel fans that may - may - soften the blow that Daniel Way wrote it. That and that <a href="http://marvel.wikia.com/Doctor_Strange" target="_blank">Doctor Strange</a> isn’t in it. X-Men are neat, but I kind of wanted Doctor Strange to show up. …d’oh well. As someone who is currently knee-deep in Marvel comics, the extension of scope to include a ton of recognizable faces was a stroke of genius… even if Wolverine’s brief visit will probably be nominated for a “most disappointing cameo in anything, ever” award. They give them out at GDC, I think.<br /><br />Let nobody get me wrong – I’d hate for anyone to do that. Don’t misunderstand my critique here – this is an analysis, a review. When I go to criticize <i>Deadpool</i>, it is with a heavy heart and a lot of humility. <a href="http://theshillinfield.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/spec-ops-the-line-is-a-bad-videogame/" target="_blank">A game with inherent design flaws</a> is always fun to beat on – the idea that developers thought one thing or another was actually a good idea, nevermind well-executed, is fuel for my righteous indignation. But games like <i>Deadpool</i>, like <i>Blades of Time</i>, like <i>Dark Void</i>, and like <i>Neverdead</i>, are games which set out with lofty goals they simply, for one reason or another – be it lack of talent, lack of resources, or lack of ambition – failed to reach… and that is always a depressing tale.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-itJD7g68cR0/UgDF-4kM8II/AAAAAAAABvQ/0XYyQanc60I/s1600/2013-06-26_00010%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-itJD7g68cR0/UgDF-4kM8II/AAAAAAAABvQ/0XYyQanc60I/s400/2013-06-26_00010%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />I can’t say for absolute certain that Activision’s meddling is what caused this game to feel like it was rushed for release, unfinished. A few in-game “conversations” Deadpool has with High Moon regarding his game’s budget feel somewhat cynically autobiographical. What I can say for certain is that a few more months of polish would have done this game wonders like you would not believe. In the center of <i>Deadpool</i> is a genuinely fresh, exciting, and funny game; a lot of innovation and intuitiveness is represented in a very raw form in what has been presented as “final”. It’s unfortunate that, with the exception of high-octane performances from an energetic cast, a script with a refreshing sense of levity, and all-around Deadpool-ness, this game excels at almost nothing – to say nothing of it starting on a very small bang, and ending on an extremely desperate whimper.<br /><br />But like I said, it is the biggest insult: the game neither excels nor fails absolute at anything it has set out to do. For a game at a budget price, it is not worth getting angry about in the slightest – and, if I will be completely frank, it has offered a game befitting of the Deadpool character. It has enough uniqueness to stand on its own feet without wobbling over – but the bland, uninspired mess of what you have to play to enjoy that uniqueness will be an absolute dealbreaker for many, many people. <i>Deadpool </i>is not a failure. It’s just not the rousing success it could have been, had it been given more time.<br /><br />High Moon did an, at least, admirable job. I’d say “better luck next time”… but I’ve little confidence there’ll be a next time.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zyf64PzRnjY/UeE_Y8tLvcI/AAAAAAAABtw/WCd6csEiadE/s1600/3+stars.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zyf64PzRnjY/UeE_Y8tLvcI/AAAAAAAABtw/WCd6csEiadE/s1600/3+stars.png" /></a></div><br />Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-13162205725255146122013-06-21T06:03:00.002-07:002013-10-27T03:36:08.679-07:00Review: "Super Puzzle Platformer Deluxe"<div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-29_00002.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-05-29_00002" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-5612" height="250" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-29_00002-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">It’s only recently that I’ve been able to confidently say that Adult Swim’s logo is an assurance of quality when it comes to games. I still haven’t gotten over how weird that is, either. “Adult Swim makes good games.” Dear lord, I remember the days of Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s PlayStation 2 game – Zombie Ninja Pro-Am! A kart racing, fighting, and&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">golf</em>&nbsp;game hybrid. And about 100% less fun than that sounds, let me assure you. …hold on.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Déjà vu?&nbsp;Déjà vu. Why, I was doing this song and dance not long ago with&nbsp;<a href="http://bossdungeon.com/review-super-house-of-dead-ninjas/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Super House of Dead Ninjas</a>. I was genuinely surprised by Super House of Dead Ninjas – having written off Adult Swim as capable of nothing but producing mildly funny animated shows for very very drunk people, picking up a for-money game from them seemed like it could go either way. But it went the best way. The good way! Super House of Dead Ninjas was, despite its wacky, hi<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">larious</em>&nbsp;name, a more or less perfect little on-the-cheap faux-arcade game. It was genuinely, properly, and impressively entertaining – and I wasn’t even drunk.</span><br /><a name='more'></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">So, then, heading into a similarly named “wacky” title, my expectations weren’t low anymore. I had figured out Adult Swim’s MO – sucker pundits in with cheap prices and stupid concepts with a retro sheen, wow them with said concept executed flawlessly. I expected nothing but greatness from Super Puzzle Platformer Deluxe, and… well, give Adult Swim credit, because they know how to choose ‘em: they pulled it off. Again!</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Alright. I think you know the drill by now. Adult Swim makes a bunch of Flash games on their website. Entering the publishing dealie, they take&nbsp;<a href="http://games.adultswim.com/super-puzzle-platformer-plus-online-puzzle-game.html" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">one of those Flash games</a>, spruce it up until it justifies a pricetag, launch it on Steam to critical acclaim and massive profits. They get their money, we get sweet games; everyone wins. Except Activision – who, in this fictional scenario I’ve concocted, sit by the freezer in their pajamas, wiping tears from their face and eating ice-cream straight from the bucket.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-28_00001.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-05-28_00001" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-5613" height="250" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-28_00001-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">So what’s the wacky concept we’re working with this time? Well, you know those dropping-block puzzle games? Like Tetris and… um… Tetris clones? …you know those platformers like Super Meat Boy and VVVVVV? What if you combined them to make a&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">literal</em>&nbsp;puzzle-platformer? …I know, I know! That’s insane! Five stars.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Yeah, no, that’s the concept. It sounds entertaining. Definitely enough to hold up a free web Flash game. Trick is, developer Andrew Morrish has had to spit-shine this little concept to hold up a $7.99 asking price. Not an&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">easy</em>&nbsp;job, but the man clearly has talent, because he pulled it off. Obviously. I wouldn’t have said so in my opening paragraph otherwise. Under the watchful eyes of Adult Swim Games, he’s assembled the parts from the web-based original to form a game worth paying for with dollars, euros, pounds and groats. The entertainment factor is still there, but in playing it, the absurdity wears off – giving way to genuinely properly good game design and mechanics. Hooray! We win, Activision cries, so on, so forth.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-06-21_00004.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-06-21_00004" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-5615" height="250" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-06-21_00004-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">So, how does the game actually play? Well. If I were to represent it as a mixture of other games you’re already familiar with (since I’m a hack who uses shorthand references instead of actually writing down original thoughts, content and ideas), I would say it’s like if you took the jumping, shooting and running of Super Crate Box, and took all of that, and put it in a pit, and threw a whole bunch of loose Tetris for GameBoy cartridges into the pit. Then stirred it around with a spoon made of pixel art and 16-bit bleep bloops.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Essentially, you play as a little yellow chap with a laser gun. You’re basically stuck inside a block puzzle game – the giant cubes falling from the sky, forcing you to avoid them lest you get horrifically crushed, and die. It’s a tough, thankless job. Luckily, thanks to your laser gun, you can demolish the blocks. There are three colours of blocks; if you shoot a block connected to a block of the same colour, you destroy both at once. That there’s called a “combo”. You destroys lots of blocks at once, and you get points. And little star bits. And diamonds, which you collect so many of to progress through the levels. Oh, and, um, pit of spikes underneath the blocks. So you can’t destroy them all, cos you have to stand on them. See how that works?</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">The game’s best feature by far is how smoothly it plays. Probably thanks to an unlimited framerate, jumping and shooting&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">feels</em>&nbsp;great, very light and intuitive without feeling at all weightless. The tuning done to the platforming physics are pitch-perfect down to the nanosecond, and it ensures that whether you’re playing for a minute or an hour, the game is a joy to actually&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">play</em>&nbsp;the whole time. The controls work flawlessly, keyboard or gamepad, so whichever you choose to use, you’ll always get the same great game feel. Hooray!</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-28_00002.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-05-28_00002" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-5621" height="250" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-28_00002-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Progress comes in two flavours. One, you could collect diamonds, after which collecting so many you can go to the next stage so you can… you know. Finish the game. Then there’s “levels”. By collecting bits, you increase a little progress bar – when the bar fills up, you level up, giving you higher jumps and stronger attacks and basically they let you more efficiently beat up the dropping tetronimo wannabes. That’s a good thing – a less good thing, is that every time you level up, things besides tetronimos drop.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Once you hit level 2, you’ll start getting dangers like waves of blocks dropping all at once, or, death laser cannons, or, slippery ice blocks, or, cobwebs, or homing rockets, or, ghosts. You get the picture, yeah? Leveling up provides you with both risk&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">and</em>&nbsp;reward, giving you new abilities and dangers to overcome, and giving&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">me</em>&nbsp;the chance you use the term “risk and reward,” making me seem like a bigshot internet writer who understands videogame design theory&nbsp;(even though I just read about the term in a fanzine once).</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-29_00001.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-05-29_00001" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-5617" height="250" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-29_00001-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">So that seems pretty interesting, eh? When you level up you get cool new powers and also you get a bunch of enemies and dangers to stop. Some of them you can stop by shooting blocks – the cannons will land on top of the coloured squares, and destroying the square or set of squares adjacent to it will destroy it. Hooray! Other traps you can shoot directly. Also hooray! You can grab an invincibility power-up sometimes, meaning nothing can kill you for a brief period. Double hooray! But eventually, inevitably, you will succumb to some kind of danger-type thing. A cannonball will blast into your yellow, chummy face, with absolutely no regard to common courtesy. Dick.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Okay, so, here’s how it works. Get hit while you’re at level 1, and you die. BOOM. DEAD. GAME OVER. GO TYPE YOUR ULTRA-LOW SCORE ONTO THE LEADERBOARD TABLE, NOOB.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you get hit at level 2, you get a slap at the wrist and go down to level 1. If you get hit at level 3 (the highest level), you go down to level 2. …so um, yeah, when you get hit you go down a level. That didn’t need to take as many sentences as it did, but as I mentioned before, I am a terrible hack. I’d be downright embarrassed, for you and the website, if I was getting paid for this. Thank god Boss Dungeon is actually&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">siphoning</em>&nbsp;money, huh?</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">So yeah. Assuming you don’t suck, you make your way to level 3, survive all the threats and collect enough diamonds to get you to the next stage. Then cool stuff happens!</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-06-21_00010.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-06-21_00010" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-5618" height="250" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-06-21_00010-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">There are a handful of varied stages to unlock visit, based off of various well-worn videogame-typical environments. There’s an ancient cavern, an active volcano (complete with spouting balls of fiery lava!), an icy chamber… why, there’s even a haunted house, with ghosts! As you go, you also unlock new yellow chums to play as, each with a different set of extraordinary moves. Usually they’re self-explanatory. Jetpack guy has a jetpack. Ninja can double-jump, and has throwing stars. There are eight characters to collect, all in all, and it adds some well-needed variety to the proceedings.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Also adding variety is the addition of challenge chambers. There’s a&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">lot</em>&nbsp;of these you can unlock, and they task you with accomplishing astonishing feats of skill! It’s in here where the game’s true depth is perhaps properly unveiled – mastering the art of jumping over spiked pits is certainly one thing, but being tasked to do so under extraneous circumstances really puts the physics engine to the test. Good news: they hold up! And thus the challenge rooms are a welcome and pleasant diversion.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-06-21_00006.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-06-21_00006" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-5619" height="250" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-06-21_00006-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">An odd – though certainly not unwarranted – addition is the inclusion of a two-player, split-screen versus mode. Basically, you and a buddy take a little yellow chum each, and compete to see who can either get the highest score in ninety seconds, or just not die. You’ll need a control pad for it, but it’s a genuinely entertaining little mode – even if me and my brother kind of died within a few seconds trying to fuck each other over. We weren’t paying attention, alright? Our competitive streak doesn’t run as deep as our trolling.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">The fun thing about the multiplayer mode is that, in a move similar to Tetris&nbsp;Battle, whenever you get a combo, your opponent is faced with a danger. The larger the combo, the less trivial the danger. So if I get a combo of, say, three squares (a feeble combo to be sure), my opponent might get a cannon on their head. But if I get a combo of thirteen squares, my opponent might be faced by a barrage of extra blocks all at once! Take that, you smarmy bastard! Oh, you’re sitting right next to me. Oh, you heard me say that out loud, huh. Oh, you threw the wireless controller out the window. Oh.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I guess what I’m trying to say is that this game has a fantastic core gameplay element, executed very well, and it has all the ancillary modes needed to justify a pricetag. Addendum to that:&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">a</em>&nbsp;pricetag. It justifies having a price attached to it. I’m yet to decide, however, if it justifies the $7.99 pricetag – and it could be seen as a bit of a stretch when so many games on Steam provide about the same amount of enjoyment and polish for less than a fiver.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-29_00003.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-05-29_00003" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-5620" height="250" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/2013-05-29_00003-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">In a way, it certainly is. Fun-to-money-spent ratio, it’s well worth it. There’s such an array of unlockables and bonus content that I can’t see anyone feeling ripped off; but at the same time, it’s definitely not as good value as Super House of Dead Ninjas, and that game is priced at a dollar&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">less</em>&nbsp;than this. For example – the stellar chiptune-esque soundtrack&nbsp;<a href="http://www.wonthelp.info/highres.html" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">composed by Landon Podbielski</a>&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">isn’t</em>&nbsp;included with the game, even though Super House of Dead Ninjas’ is provided as downloadable content from within the game.&nbsp;It’s worth mentioning, though, that aside from the gameplay content, the game truly is polished almost to a fault. The pixel art exudes charm, and the animations are all extremely well-done – smooth and high quality despite the little yellow chums basically just being… uh, well, little yellow chums.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">They’re designed quite well, though. They’re exceedingly adorable, very cute despite basically being even less-detailed LEGO heads walking around with capes and jetpacks and facemasks. The sense of humour, while not running as deep as Dead Ninjas, is present and rather knowing (you can turn “blast processing” on and off in the menu and it does… nothing, to my knowledge).&nbsp;Oh. And I think it’s worth noting that this game&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">is</em>&nbsp;(apart from the music) made by one guy, aforementioned&nbsp;<a href="http://andrewmorrish.net/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Andrew Morrish</a>. I don’t know his back catalogue, but he’s at least proven himself here as a name to watch for. So I think I’ll be&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/int_main" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">doing just that.</a></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">At the end of the day, I think the finest thing you can say about Super Puzzle Platformer Deluxe is that it does everything it promises it would do. It never once lied to me, which is certainly heartwarming. Yes, it is what it says on the tin: Super Puzzle Platformer Deluxe is a super puzzle platformer, deluxe.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">…yeah, I just wrote that down like it was clever.</span><br /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-097OeiyL8iA/UOwCMfArtXI/AAAAAAAABd0/0bomiN5d0ok/s1600/4+stars.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-097OeiyL8iA/UOwCMfArtXI/AAAAAAAABd0/0bomiN5d0ok/s1600/4+stars.png" /></a></div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-6215252649141186062013-05-30T22:44:00.001-07:002013-07-18T07:29:18.251-07:00Review: "Godzilla: The Half-Century War"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zPgTi9BoBY8/UagySLKxF5I/AAAAAAAABrs/kW6oweukdag/s1600/3059570-01%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zPgTi9BoBY8/UagySLKxF5I/AAAAAAAABrs/kW6oweukdag/s320/3059570-01%5B1%5D.jpg" width="206" /></a></div>Godzilla is larger-than-life. The stories told with the iconic Japanese kaiju range from one of the most epic tragedies ever made in 1954's <i>Gojira</i>, to fanciful, bombastic space operas like only the Japanese can make with <i>Godzilla: Final Wars</i>. Along the way he has met so many fresh faces, crushed so many towns, and - in a way - saved so many lives, that he has carved for himself a unique position in literary history: he is a hero, a monster, a victim, and a force of nature, all rolled into one. He also has radioactive breath, and he punches giant butterflies. I can dig it.<br /><br /><i>Godzilla: The Half-Century War</i>&nbsp;takes a refreshingly human look at this rich destructive history. It follows the story of Ota Murakami, a Japanese Lieutenant who is stationed during Godzilla's first iconic rampage through Tokyo. Through sheer indignation and forward-thinking, he is able to lure Godzilla away from a major population zone long enough for it to evacuate. With this single act, he begins a lifelong obsession with the King of Monsters - a <i>Half-Century War</i>, if you will.<br /><a name='more'></a><br /><br />Picking up the first issue in the volume, several things become extremely evident. First is that writer and artist James Stockoe cares for the Godzilla franchise, with the writing and visual aesthetic reminiscent of the series' original tones of dark and foreboding doom post-Hiroshima. Second is that he is a fucking brilliant artist who breathes in so much spectacular, mind-blowing detail that <i>Godzilla: Half-Century War</i>&nbsp;could be the only Godzilla comic I have ever read to achieve the true sense of scale the King of Monsters deserves. I mean... wow. Wow, wow, wow. It's going to be tough to convey this praise with proper, non-drooling human words but... here we go.<br /><br />Everything is big. I mean, Godzilla is <i>big</i>, obviously, but cars are big, too. People are big, guns are big, buildings are big - like how they'd come across in real life, you know? And when you have such convincingly human-sized men sharing panel-space with an equally convincingly giant-sized monster, the result is something... quite else. IDW's own <i>Godzilla Legends</i>&nbsp;had brushed against this kind of monstrous scale (I haven't read the ongoing <i>Godzilla</i>&nbsp;series, but <i>Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters</i>&nbsp;failed to produce it), but for the first time in at least IDW's short history with Godzilla, the genuine largeness of these monsters - and these <i>people</i>&nbsp;- has been adequately portrayed. Every page is absolutely spell-binding; aesthetically charming, and yet haunting, as Stockoe truly brings these monsters to proper, terrifying, <i>believable</i> life.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_cW2BYEg9-g/UagzDK3KLgI/AAAAAAAABr4/yFPRzQS1Mn4/s1600/MAYBK22GODZILLA%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_cW2BYEg9-g/UagzDK3KLgI/AAAAAAAABr4/yFPRzQS1Mn4/s320/MAYBK22GODZILLA%5B1%5D.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Scenes of people fleeing from the kaijus, of buildings collapsing, of vehicles zooming between monsters' legs, are given a new depth - and it is genuinely unnerving and exciting. Combined with the very <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9E85dFI83Fo/UVhkVbCszMI/AAAAAAAACWA/ishTUom_VII/s1600/501083182463.jpg">70s/80s anime and manga</a>&nbsp;(I think spot influence from <i>Grave of the Fireflies</i>)&nbsp;look to the characters, the result is a visual style that is all at once pleasing and unique, and frighteningly <i>huge</i>. I never would have thought Anguirus would <i>frighten</i>&nbsp;me; as Stockoe portrays him, rising menacingly out of the ground, I had to kind of hold on to brace myself, it was so alarming. The shadows of these creatures looms large over the human cast, let there be no mistake - and we, the reader, are along for the ride.<br /><br />All the drawings are stupidly, lushly detailed - yeah, I said it, it's <i>stupid</i>&nbsp;how much detail is in these drawings - and the colours are all full, vibrant, and varied. The signature hue is a kind of muted greyish red, and it really does feel appropriate to the emotional tone expressed in the panels. But... man, look, <i>everything</i> in this book is so impeccably drawn, from to the largest explosion to the tiniest scale on Godzilla's hide... the faces on the characters capable of so much subtlety, their plight made so real by the very real danger Stockoe manages to- ...oh for fuck's sake, just<i>&nbsp;<a href="https://www.google.com.au/search?rlz=1C1KMZB_enAU510AU510&amp;q=godzilla+half+century+war&amp;um=1&amp;ie=UTF-8&amp;hl=en&amp;tbm=isch&amp;source=og&amp;sa=N&amp;tab=wi&amp;ei=YTeoUbnKLZCkiAekn4CIBw&amp;biw=1680&amp;bih=882&amp;sei=ZDeoUa-BHMWElQWbs4DgDg">look at the detail in those scenes, guys!</a></i>&nbsp;Look at them! Man, I <i>relished</i>&nbsp;every full-page spread. I want to wallpaper my goddamn house with this art. Not since <i>Arkham Asylum</i>&nbsp;have I thought of doing that...<br /><br />This is all important to note - the effectiveness of the character representations - because, as I mentioned before, the story revolves around one human character and his comrades - Ota. Ota is a compelling protagonist, and the story really does jerk him around a lot. His obsession with Godzilla - trying to kill Godzilla - leaves him to a lot of rotten realizations, though he never really gives in, which makes him admirable as well as just likable. He represents a slice of humanity as the race increasingly begins to get stamped out by more and more giant monsters - something for the reader to hold onto among all the horror.<br /><br />The story leaps forward about a decade every issue, showcasing a different time in Ota and his friends' lives as they find new ways to combat Godzilla, and other Toho kaiju, as they appear. It jumps around different countries, from Japan, Vietnam, and China, representing a little bit of each place's culture <i>before </i>it gets crushed into the ground. It also showcases quite a few familiar faces from Toho's rich film history - Godzilla is met with aforementioned Anguirus, Rodan, Megalon, Battra, and many, many more. They're all as well-rendered as the King himself, and the way Ota and his taskforce deal with them is increasingly desperate and scrambling, as more and more show up.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--F6IwZwu3gI/UagzvST-nxI/AAAAAAAABsA/kCPWhJlk6FU/s1600/2ba7688d883ab8f066af81d606a165fb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--F6IwZwu3gI/UagzvST-nxI/AAAAAAAABsA/kCPWhJlk6FU/s400/2ba7688d883ab8f066af81d606a165fb.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />As Ota ages, his resolve is definitely tested, but it never breaks, even in the face of Armageddon. He also never drifts away from humanity despite the death he's scene - the result is a truly sympathetic main man who I can honestly say I came to love throughout the course of his <i>Half-Century War</i>. His relationship with Godzilla, too, changes in ways that I shan't spoil here... but let's just say his death wish for the monster is thrown into question. Crafted in Ota is an everyman with an obsession that, while rich in torment, is only ever on the brink of <i>totally</i> consuming him - and in that, there lies darkness, compassion, and a glimpse true humanity. In the massive shadows of looming titans, it is Ota who comes off as the bigger being in all of this, and he is totally the glue that holds the entire saga of destruction together.<br /><br />I... I've lost words, so I'll wrap it up. Stockoe has accomplished so much with <i>Godzilla: The Half-Century War</i>. As a fan of the monsters, I can say that he has done them a great justice - as a fan of comic art and storytelling, I can say that he has spun both a wonderfully emotionally resonant tale, and provided a haunting look at giant monsters roaming the Earth with humanity trapped underneath. It's scary sometimes. It's funny sometimes. But it is never not a sprawling, huge, epic tragedy - the kind Godzilla as a character was built on. It's an instant classic, and finally, a comic book properly worthy of the iconic beast's reputation. Brilliant.<br /><br />With exceptions. I can pinpoint two glaring problems with <i>Godzilla: The Half-Century War</i>. One is that Stockoe at one point says "regulated" instead of "relegated". Eh, no biggy. The second is that it may have ruined other comics for me. Next on my to-read list was <i>The Mask Omnibus Volume 2</i>. Upon picking it up - and this is a book that is very well drawn, by a bevy of talented artists - I was kind of taken aback by how... little detail there was. How empty the frames were. How almost ugly I found it. It's not an ugly book, though, not by any standard! It's just that James Stockoe has raised the bar for me - I can safely say that <i>Half-Century War</i>&nbsp;is my new gold standard for comic book art. Yep, there, I said it. Them five star review words, boy. Oh, and it is without a question the only Godzilla comic you <i>need</i> to read; and I mean <i>need</i>&nbsp;to read,&nbsp;fan or not.<br /><br />Man, I... I can't recommend this comic enough. It's just really fuckin' awesome, alright? Alright. Good. Go buy it then. Buy several. This comic deserves it. And you deserve to read it, you handsome devil, you.Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-11475053214927960282013-05-25T08:27:00.000-07:002013-07-18T07:29:33.171-07:00Review: "Red Skull: Incarnate"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ufZtqX9ajHA/UaDWeFdlPYI/AAAAAAAABqk/AF65dAG0V5Y/s1600/red-skull-2%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ufZtqX9ajHA/UaDWeFdlPYI/AAAAAAAABqk/AF65dAG0V5Y/s320/red-skull-2%5B1%5D.jpg" width="209" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I don't know if it says more about me or the character, but my favourite Marvel Universe villain is Red Skull. He's just so joyfully </span><i style="line-height: 18px;">evil</i><span style="line-height: 18px;">, the kind of guy you can't help but love and loathe simultaneously. And indeed, he carries himself with a gravitas afforded by his stature - he is, essentially, a mega-Nazi; an actually worse-than-Hitler villain who, despite this, is always fun to watch, whether he's <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqkY2nCf2xU">shouting "you are failing"</a> in the Captain America moviefilm, or <a href="http://insidepulse.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/red-skull-xavier.jpeg">stealing Professor X's brain</a> to&nbsp;eradicate&nbsp;the mutant menace.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">With great anticipation, I picked up <i>Red Skull: Incarnate</i>. Promising to be the origins of Johann Schmidt from a lowly street urchin to the red-faced monster we all know today, it provides a startlingly historically accurate perspective on the rise of the Nazi party. I don't know, then, what I expected. I think I thought it would be as campy and fun as the concept of "Nazi with evil skull face" inherently is. Marvel, though - bless 'em - doesn't care much for that old "camp". Well, they <i>do</i>, but they also care a lot about making characters who are real people with feelings and motivations and who are, y'know, emotionally resonant 'n such. Yeah, so, um, <i>Red Skull: Incarnate</i>, thusly, is one of the most stomach-churning books I've ever read.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"></span><br /><a name='more'></a><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">But of <i>course</i> it is. It's a character study of the bloody Red Skull, innit. Greg Pak himself writes that research of the time period gave him nightmares, and he struggled with trying to make Johann Schmidt a person without making him a likable protagonist, because... well, he's a bloody Nazi. Not a foot soldier, either - he becomes Hitler's right-hand man. This, then, is the tale of how he got to that position at all - a Red Skull before Red Skull, if you will.&nbsp;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">The historical context is so grounded that it threatens to overtake the central conflict. Starting post-First World War, Germans are in line buying food. Thirty billion marks is paid for one bag of salt. The country is wounded, bleeding out, and in dire need of help - it is a miserable pile of sad, broken people, struggling to make it by in a long past collapsed economy. It is here that we are introduced to Schmidt - a ratty, sour-faced orphan. Sorely abused and unloved, Schmidt lays witness to the ugliness of the adults around him, and it is this turbulence that no doubt turns him into the monster.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">He learns, through no pleasant discourse, that it is the powerful that survive. His humanity proves a burden, and so he casts it off - as a young boy, he tricks a Jewish family into feeding him before letting them die at the hands of early Nazi supporters. His motivation is simple: scramble to the top and never look back. This is an admirable goal during the days of political madness, economic instability and low morale. The pile is made of the sick, the poor, and the dying, and to avoid similar fate he does what he must for self-preservation.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EV5ykLM894E/UaDXTHoKufI/AAAAAAAABqw/Sgmr2p5UBF8/s1600/red-skull-incarnate-1-page22.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EV5ykLM894E/UaDXTHoKufI/AAAAAAAABqw/Sgmr2p5UBF8/s400/red-skull-incarnate-1-page22.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I think where his true evil lies is that, as the years go by, the game changes; yet his goal remains the same. He scrambles to the top of pile, once of beggars, now of dictators. The corpses he once propped himself up on are no longer of the starving, but the downtrodden and abused. He learns that to survive he must be strong, but his lust for strength sees no conceivable end - he forces himself to abandon his morals to live anything remotely resembling a life, and in doing so he ends up doing nasty, evil, soulless things. We do not witness his physical transformation, but we do get to see him become what we know as the Red Skull. And it's somewhat sickening.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">That is not at all bad thing. Greg Pak is a masterful writer, breathing as much depth and realism into the story as the historical context can afford. He is not a likable protagonist, but he is our protagonist and his story is that which we follow. And Schmidt isn't an <i>anti</i>-hero here, let that be made well clear. In any other book, he would be the antagonist, and a chilling one at that - even more chilling, it is, when he is our anchor through the volume. And I mean, let's be honest - the Mask does sickening, inhuman, evil things, too. The actions alone do not make Schmidt reprehensible, especially not on the medium's terms. Rather, it is the background to which these actions are painted against that give them true weight. A murder is a murder is a murder, and we've seen hundreds of them occur in hundreds of books, films, and movies. But when the murderer is a man, and the victim is his brother, and we know of both their plights... that makes it truly horrific.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Pi0fC3wTrso/UaDXylPh3WI/AAAAAAAABrA/iHXCHncpYCE/s1600/ifanboy.com_1%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="262" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Pi0fC3wTrso/UaDXylPh3WI/AAAAAAAABrA/iHXCHncpYCE/s320/ifanboy.com_1%5B1%5D.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Before <i>Incarnate</i>, Greg Pak wrote another WWII-era book - <i>Magneto: Testament</i>. This followed a young, Jewish Max Eisenhardt, the mutant who would be known as Magneto, as he tries to save his family from Hitler's terrifying regime. I myself haven't read it, but if it is (as I have been lead to believe) as impactful as <i>Red Skull: Incarnate</i>, I can see it as nothing but a work of art. <i>Incarnate</i>&nbsp;is artistic, too. The unique perspective of the Nazi's party's genuinely horrific rise to power is documented with aplomb; the artwork is striking as well as heartbreaking, and all the historical events covered are listed extensively at the end of the volume, as well as further reading like <i>Why They Kill.&nbsp;</i></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><i><br /></i></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">At the same time, though, <i>Magneto: Testament</i>&nbsp;could be heartbreaking or uplifting, but like it or not, Max would be a sympathetic protagonist. Well... no, Johann is sympathetic too, but he would... he would be a protagonist one could genuinely root for. Magneto's trials and tribulations are those of human nature gone awry - Red Skull, conversely, is inhuman; a demon on Earth, evil made flesh. That's a hard load to swallow, following an entire book dedicated to such a villain. And yet, having read it, having stomached re-reading from a deeply personal outlook the Third Reich's most vicious crimes... I can do nothing but say it was worth it, bizarrely.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I don't know if this story provides any context missing from the outlandish, cackling Red Skull we know today. I don't know, either, if a story this uncomfortably numbing should be one I recommend. But by and large it is a story I am glad I've read, and if nothing else it cements Marvel, Pak, artist Mirko Colak and their editors as masterful real-world storytellers, capable of using the comics medium for incredible feats of artistic expression and exploration. If that's worth reliving the hellish crimes of Hitler's Germany up close and unfathomably personal, then certainly, I recommend <i>Red Skull: Incarnate</i>.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">It just makes me feel kind of sad and empty, though. Ultimately, that's the sign of an effective work of art - and </span><i style="line-height: 18px;">Red Skull: Incarnate</i><span style="line-height: 18px;">&nbsp;is just that:&nbsp;outstandingly&nbsp;effective, hauntingly beautiful, and an undiluted work of&nbsp;inarguable&nbsp;genius</span><span style="font-size: x-small; line-height: 18px;">.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></span>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-19168901073507493272013-05-25T05:42:00.000-07:002013-10-27T03:36:25.294-07:00Review: "Afterfall Insanity - Dirty Arena Edition"<div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/2013-05-23_00003.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-05-23_00003" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-4470" height="220" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/2013-05-23_00003-1024x564.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">The practice of cutting off a section of a game and selling it wholesale has become surprisingly common in recent years. While in some situations it results in an&nbsp;egregious&nbsp;”paid demo” sort of deal, other times it can be rather delightful. At a discounted price, you can buy a smaller, shorter version of a title. For people gaming on a budget, this can be an extremely useful way to explore an unfamiliar game without investing too much money – or time.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Such is the case with Afterfall Insanity – Dirty Arena Edition. The “Dirty Arena” is the survival mode from the full game, Afterfall Insanity, a horror-action game&nbsp;<a href="http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=92922183" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">landed on Steam in the first Greenlight wave</a>. Dirty Arena Edition has two very purpose, express goals: provide a compelling, short-hand Afterfall Insanity experience, and in doing so, sell budget gamers on the full title. A bit of pressure then rides on this edition – much like a demo, if it fails to sell me on the full game, it has failed.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">With that established, Afterfall Insanity – Dirty Arena Edition has failed.</span><br /><a name='more'></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I’d like to think of myself as good at games. I’m not&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fantastic</em>, but I clear most everything I play at Normal or High difficulty settings and I’ve never been outright incompetent at anything, ever. I’ve been playing videogames my whole life, and I’d like to think I can reach a reasonable skill ceiling with relative ease – and if I can’t, I like to think I savour the challenge. That’s important to say that, because when I say “Afterfall Insanity has one of the most frustratingly broken difficulty curves in the entirety of videogames” some people may assume it’s because I just suck at it.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Even if that&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">was</em>&nbsp;the case, I’d like to think I’m one of those people with enough humility to admit it. And furthermore, I’d like to think any game in question would be good enough to&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">convey</em>&nbsp;that. Take Dark Souls, for example. With every death, the game gives you enough information to know how and why you died. It lets you learn from your mistakes to better yourself. It might not do so&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">explicitly</em>, but the information is&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">there</em>&nbsp;– the game’s mechanics are conveyed in a way that makes extrapolation of your own failures possible.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/2013-05-23_00006.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-05-23_00006" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-4471" height="249" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/2013-05-23_00006-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">This isn’t the case in Afterfall Insanity – Dirty Arena Edition. It is tremendously difficult, but the game isn’t built in a way that mistakes&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can</em>&nbsp;be learned from. Nine times out of ten victory is attained through utter indignation, and force – ignoring the likes of tactic, strategy, and placement, and just hammering through and&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">wishing for the best</em>. At the fifth death, I should know well what it is I’m doing wrong, and what I should be doing better, right? At least what I did wrong the previous four deaths? Afterfall Insanity doesn’t think so.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">A lot this really does come down to the horrendously sloppy control scheme. Afterfall Insanity is a third-person action game, running in Unreal 3. It’s my belief that the full game has gunplay in it, though I can’t be arsed going to check – Dirty Arena, conversely, is melee focused, throwing your character into a gladiator-style pit to hold off against waves of drooling madmen and Eldritch abominations.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Press a button to swing your weapon. Press another to block, and one other to dodge. That seems simple enough. The delay, though, between hitting the button and doing&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">any</em>action… it’s borderline&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">laggy</em>. The block button doesn’t block for shit – enemies can seemingly do more damage when you’re blocking them than when not, so dodging out of the way of enemy blows is the optimal approach to avoiding taking damage. Not that it matters – just as the block button is seemingly useless, so too proves dodging – often it lands you in a position where the enemy can just take a step forward and wail on you.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And I mean WAIL on you.</em>&nbsp;The standard goons in this game have a several-swing combo that, if you fail to avoid, takes a good chunk out of your non-regenerating healthbar (an advertised feature, bizarrely). It’d be easier to stomach, though, if the physics worked in a way that wasn’t so uncannily awful – when an enemy hits you, rather than being propelled away from them (perhaps falling to the ground in pain?), you are&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">drawn towards them</em>. This allows a mob of enemies to essentially stun-lock you out of a good portion of your health bar, until you find a window to either hit them back, or roll out of the way. And your player character goes “oww oww oww,” repeating the same sound clip over and over, every time he’s hit. Such fun!</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">When I hit the roll or attack button though, it takes a good second for the action to compute inside my character’s head. Which results in, well, button mashing. I want to swing at someone&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">once</em>, I end up pummeling my mouse button wildly with my finger. If I end up in a position where I want to roll away, then, I’ll hit the spacebar… only to find that it needs to&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">complete the melee action first</em>. If I hit mouse twice in a row, and then try to roll away, it will swing twice,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">then</em>&nbsp;roll away. That’s a good few seconds of&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not being rolled out of the way</em>. You would think that you’d program a game so that when I press a different button you complete the&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">first</em>&nbsp;action, and then move into the new one. Afterfall Insanity’s programmers didn’t think of that, apparently, choosing instead to create a system that leaves your character swinging through melee hits well after he’s been given the command to roll on outta there.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/2013-05-23_00004.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-05-23_00004" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-4472" height="249" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/2013-05-23_00004-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">So. Melee combat is clunky, slow, and unsatisfying. When you have a game built around melee combat, that’s a big black mark if ever there was one. The enemies are overpowered – not by their tenacity or strength, but by their broken attack physics. Another black mark. And the controls are unresponsive to the point of lagging – that spells death for even the most competent of titles. It gets worse, though! Oh my god does it get worse. Because, despite the game having an auto-save function, it does&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em>&nbsp;save between arena encounters. Hours after starting, I finally finish the first set of waves (no thanks to the game itself), and I’m thrown back to the store to prepare for the next. I buy a new weapon, am ultimately defeated in the second set of waves, and then… I’m&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">thrown back to the very start of the game</em>. It was that point – after more than three hours of fiddling with the fucker – that I gave up, and started to reflect a little more rationally about the presentation of this… product.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I’m led to the conclusion that the developers of this game are utterly incompetent. Or oblivious. On the Steam forums, where they&nbsp;<a href="http://steamcommunity.com/app/238170/discussions/0/810924133986537390/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">are talking through these issues with the community</a>&nbsp;– all of the buyers insanely dissatisfied, might I add – they are claiming things like, “the Dirty Arena is meant to be more difficult for people who thought the main game was too easy.” They offer a rather subtly insulting “Tips for the Weak”&nbsp;<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&amp;v=DBeuPaKpYIc" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">video on Youtube</a>, explaining some of the advanced mechanics that aren’t even&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">winked</em>&nbsp;at in the game or its loading screen tips.&nbsp;Fair enough, you wanna balance out your in-game extras for the few who would be privy to enjoying them as&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">extras</em>.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">The clincher is that they talk about it like this&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stand-alone game</em>&nbsp;shouldn’t stand on its own two feet. When you’re charging a fiver for it, though, you kind of want to make sure it’s worth&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">newcomer’s</em>&nbsp;money, right? The survival mode is&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">free</em>&nbsp;with the full game, so no-one who owns that would complain – but people buying in fresh. You want to win them over as well you can. You can half-arse so many elements, but you have to at least offer them the limp handshake.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">But then it all starts to unravel, and it makes sense. There’s no voice acting, and no tutorial. The saving screen hints are ripped from the full game, providing context to a story mode that doesn’t exist. Game features are never explained, the difficulty curve is non-existent …and this convenient, cheap tie-in seems to become less about winning over a fresh bunch of new customers, and more about making a quick buck off of them. This isn’t goodwill, this isn’t convenience, this isn’t advertising: it’s just an old-fashioned, plain-as-day&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">rip-off.</em></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/2013-05-23_00001.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-05-23_00001" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-4473" height="249" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/2013-05-23_00001-1024x640.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">…I think what I find most distasteful about this sham of a release is that it seems to not have been played by any of the developers themselves. That’s what it feels like – a game that hasn’t been playtested. It likely hasn’t – it was thrown together, I’d estimate, in a week, out of a bunch of the full game’s assets. It’s alarming, though, how good those assets can be. The sound design isn’t&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">terrible</em>, the enemy designs have a Silent Hill-esque horrific charm to ‘em, and the graphics are rather atmospheric. There’s no context given to the world, of course, but what one can piece together from the merest of elements is impressive, and a testament to the original game’s art team (even if it’s ruined by a hideously obnoxious set of filters applied when you take even a&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">smidgen</em>&nbsp;of damage… and you thought Call of Duty’s&nbsp;<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXZe_hoLzlE" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">bloody screens</a>&nbsp;were annoying!)</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">But alongside distaste lies, ultimately, disappointment. Done properly, this game&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">could</em>&nbsp;have sold me on Afterfall Insanity. What it&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">has</em>&nbsp;done is the exact opposite; it makes me feel like the developers and publishers don’t respect their potential customers, it makes me feel like the people making the game are incompetent and unable – or unwilling – to employ basic common sense to a difficulty curve, and it makes me feel unwanted. I’ve parted with the $3.99 they’ve asked me for, and who the fuck cares if the game I get for it is worth it, eh?</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I feel ripped off, and I&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">bought the game to review it</em>. God knows how those poor bastards who bought the game expecting a quality taste of Afterfall Insanity felt. Tricked? Lied to? Or did they just give up entirely, never dwelling on it, and never looking back – either to this edition,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">or</em>&nbsp;the full version they could have been swayed into buying? I was going to say rather discreetly that it would all feel much better if a discount for the full version was included with this release – similar to how Dawn of War II: Retribution discounts the full game by the price of&nbsp;<a href="http://store.steampowered.com/app/56438/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">the stand-alone survival mode</a>&nbsp;for those who already own it. …but I don’t think it would. I don’t think the bitter fact that the companies involved here thought<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">&nbsp;this</em>&nbsp;was worth charging for in a stand-alone format can be washed away. I don’t think any goodwill can be re-earned after this – the trust, which could have&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">so easily</em>&nbsp;been formed, has been crushed by this half-hearted, broken product.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">That’s the truth, and I have never been so utterly heartbroken to have to write that. This release isn’t worth your time, money, or attention – and based on what I’ve played of this, neither is the “full” Afterfall Insanity. I feel duty-bound to sincerely ask you not to give these people your business… unless they do something really,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em>&nbsp;nice. Like, uh, donate puppies to an orphanage, or somethin’. I ‘unno. Resurrect Roger Ebert? Murder Armond White? Something&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">amazing</em>, at any rate.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Guh.</span><br /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zufjS8YoevI/Umzrpe8azgI/AAAAAAAABxY/DQOcGZkDUeI/s1600/1+star.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zufjS8YoevI/Umzrpe8azgI/AAAAAAAABxY/DQOcGZkDUeI/s1600/1+star.png" /></a></div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-21436499706647291812013-05-02T05:34:00.000-07:002013-07-18T07:30:05.712-07:00Review: "Spawn Origins, Volume 1"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mFiblaPL-PM/UYJYoRLoRzI/AAAAAAAABpM/UPpKkO8PYZg/s1600/spawnoriginsvolumes_tpb_cover_002_cl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mFiblaPL-PM/UYJYoRLoRzI/AAAAAAAABpM/UPpKkO8PYZg/s320/spawnoriginsvolumes_tpb_cover_002_cl.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>That Todd McFarlane. He's a clever guy, eh? In this, his seminal creation, a hellspawn (named Spawn) fights a clown (named Clown). Spawn is also a premiere African-American superhero - though that is diminished somewhat due to the fact that he, as quickly as he is introduced, has all the skin burned off of his body. Outstanding.<br /><br />No, no offense to Todd McFarlane. The guy's got some good ideas! Great ideas, even! It isn't exactly a timeless tale though, the one told in <i>Spawn Origins. </i>It's not exuberantly unique; at the same time, it's not overtly familiar. This doesn't diminish its quality any, mind. This is a quality production McFarlane's runnin' here. He's got word balloons and multi-issue arcs and he even colours between the lines.<br /><br />The art style is actually... I don't know. I wouldn't call it "good," but there's definitely an appeal to the grungy, sketchy look that is Todd McFarlane's signature aesthetic. The colours are incredibly bold for what should be a dark and grimy horror-esque tale - bright, chunky onomatopoeia cuts through striking silhouettes, and the framing of the panels varies from utterly pedestrian to nigh-on avant garde. Or, just weird and bad. It can be hard to tell what plane characters reside on, or - if they are on the same plane - how tall they're meant to be. One full-page panel in particular makes Spawn look like 20-foot tall gargoyle, and Clown look like a midget reaching up to his ankles. Their eyelines don't match the conversation (both of them looking off-panel, presumably at something more interesting). The book is filled with quirky, "wrong" elements like this, that makes Todd McFarlane seem like an amateur. He's hardly an amateur, though, not even when he drew these early <i>Spawn</i>&nbsp;stories. So... guh.<br /><a name='more'></a><br /><br />The first twelve issues of Spawn here are included in their entirety, as well as a substantial art gallery filled with McFarlane's sketches and concept art. This being Spawn's first outing, many timeless villains are introduced. Clown - or "the Violator" - is perhaps the most instantly recognizable, if only because he was in that godawful film adaption. But there's also other villains, like... a Russian robot man! And... an ice-cream truck-driving pedophile! And... <strike>Thunderbolt Ross</strike> an army general dude who's out to get Spawn! Okay, so Clown appears to be the <i>only</i> decent villain introduced this time around. Not even Neil Gaiman's contribution - a villain named Angela - is anything to write home about. Like, at all. She's just a woman, really.<br /><br />And yet, there's something so readable about <i>Spawn</i>. Maybe it's the unbridled enthusiasm bought to such an immature tale - a very grimdark 90s tale with Satan and Hell and a main character who is like Batman if he killed people (McFarlane's description, not mine), which could have been very withdrawn, very boring, very grey... instead infused with a delightful glee to the proceedings. I'd call it self-aware, but I don't think Image's early staples have the intelligence for that.<br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Gl0YKIlZ2XA/UYJZaf4CswI/AAAAAAAABpY/Q5V4rqj-iII/s1600/spawn_originsvol1_violator%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Gl0YKIlZ2XA/UYJZaf4CswI/AAAAAAAABpY/Q5V4rqj-iII/s320/spawn_originsvol1_violator%5B1%5D.jpg" width="208" /></a>There's a degree of self-enforced "coolness" in the series that I also very much appreciated. Though eventually they'd become more of a <i>Transformers</i>-esque advertisement for themselves, the idea of Medieval Spawn and Weapons Expert Spawn are kind of fun. It's all juvenile, of course, but it's grin-inducing all the same; <i>Spawn</i>&nbsp;is a comic that enjoys its own company, and that's to be admired, in a way. Spawn himself continuously stands atop of buildings with his giant cape swirling beside him like an unkempt shadow, and it looks <i>cool</i>. Mafia mob bosses employ a cyborg to kill Spawn, and it's <i>ridiculously awesome</i>. Spawn strings up the ice-cream-selling pedophile in the local police precinct and jams ice-cream sticks into his corpse, and that's <i>stupidly enjoyable</i>.<br /><br />The characters too, stereotypes though they are, are intensely fun to hang around. The bumbling police chief, mad that Spawn is murdering a bunch of mob bosses, and his uptight sidekick -&nbsp;caricatures&nbsp; by and large, and yet they're extremely entertaining. That's <i>&nbsp;all</i>&nbsp;though. There's nothing really "deep" about Spawn in the same way there is about Spider-Man - Spawn's power does not come with great responsibility, his need for revenge does not create internal conflict like Batman, and his alienation does not come at the expense of his humanity, like Superman. Not yet, anyway - maybe in later issues Spawn becomes more than a vehicle for violence and gore. It's certainly hinted at, if briefly, that there's much more to Spawn than amnesia and a family that's forgotten him.<br /><br />...and yet... Spawn represents something quite else. There's a cultural relevance to this, one of the first successful, creator-owned, independent comic book series. The idea that writers like Alan Moore, Frank Miller and Neil Gaiman write an issue each in this collection certainly serves that, if nothing else, Spawn had an allure to it - even if the allure isn't entirely self-evident in the reading of it (it's essentially enjoyable, if hokey, trash).<br /><br />That is, until you reach <i>Spawn #10</i>.<br /><br />The book itself doesn't come equipped with a foreward, but&nbsp;<i>Spawn #10</i>&nbsp;does. Written by the issue's scribe Dave Sim, its complexity in the retelling of the events that lead to the issue even being reprinted is one of the most interesting things I've read in comics. It helped that it came completely out of the blue - Spawn dies at the end of issue #9, then there's a page, and you turn it and <i>what a foreward what in the middle of the book why</i><br /><i><br /></i><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-S8yUrvmB3w4/UYJaeovXgrI/AAAAAAAABpo/MtszypQWWjM/s1600/spawn10%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-S8yUrvmB3w4/UYJaeovXgrI/AAAAAAAABpo/MtszypQWWjM/s400/spawn10%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />Dave Sim - creator of the utterly&nbsp;transcendent&nbsp;<i>Cerebus the Aardvark - </i>does his best to explain the context of the issue. It's satire, is what it is. Satire on the internal politics of the comic book industry, of the benefit of creator-owned characters. That doesn't quite prepare you for the weirdness and self-aware, pseudo-intellectual gunk wherin. It is entirely&nbsp;fascinating, if not powerful or convincing. But some of the imagery in it is superb. Cerebus - oh, yeah, Cerebus is <i>in</i> it - shouting "ack! Color!" on the front cover; creators of superheroes lined up with their bags on their heads, their creations sticking their arms out of a cage in an attempt to obtain freedom... the final panel, "Cerebus and Spawn belong to Dave Sim and Todd McFarlane - <i>FOREVER!</i>"<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6-LKZ8sq4jo/UYJbIeVi69I/AAAAAAAABp0/53B6-DwgLTI/s1600/spawn_originsvol1_spawn_clown%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6-LKZ8sq4jo/UYJbIeVi69I/AAAAAAAABp0/53B6-DwgLTI/s320/spawn_originsvol1_spawn_clown%5B1%5D.jpg" width="208" /></a></div>I think, ultimately, that's where I would find genuine recommendation for <i>Spawn Origins</i>. It's certainly a fun, if trashy, superhero comic, with a good amount of smart ideas, buried underneath mediocrity that nontheless has an amazing time letting itself be. Todd McFarlane provides striking visuals and the stories in these pages all aim well above what is expected of the material. But it's the relevance to the culture that makes <i>Spawn Origins</i>&nbsp;worth reading, ultimately. The inclusion of <i>Spawn #10</i>&nbsp;drives that home.<br /><br />This was my first time reading Spawn. I had seen the film, and regret seeing it. I even cosplayed as Clown once, because I'm a fat bastard. Reading the first few issues, I enjoyed discovering what the phenomenon was all about - Spawn is a cool hero with guns and superpowers and he comes from hell and he fights people. Dave Sim's story, though, only hammers in further the importance of Spawn - of Image Comics, and I think this collection is worth owning to own a piece of history. This is one of the hits that laid the ground for <i>The Goon, The Walking Dead, Kick-Ass, Hellboy</i>. It's part of the reason why we now know the real faces behind our favourite characters and stories - not just the Stan Lees, the Jack Kirbys, the Bob Kanes. The entertainment factor is here in <i>Spawn Origins;&nbsp;</i>the true birth of a successful independent scene is where the genius lies, though, and so I implore you, if you haven't already, to pick up a copy and start reading.<br /><br />These are the roots of the modern comics scene, and I - begrudgingly - think Todd McFarlane is owed respect for that. A little. Maybe.<br /><br /><br />Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-68354383940956669142013-04-19T21:20:00.000-07:002013-10-27T03:36:49.715-07:00Review: "Injustice: Gods Among Us"<div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Video-Game_injustice-gods-among-us_269953.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="Video Game_injustice- gods among us_269953" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-3986" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Video-Game_injustice-gods-among-us_269953-1024x576.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></a>Since the beginning of time itself, since the first words of recorded history; since man first stepped, blinking, naked, and scared from the darkness of&nbsp;nonexistence,&nbsp;and a bunch of grubby-fingered children clamoured around a magazine parlour reading comic books, realizing that different superheroes existed in similar continuities, a singular question has prevailed – a question consistently on every living being’s breath, continuing to drive scholars and plebeians alike to the edge of madness and beyond: “COULD BATMAN BEAT SUPERMAN??”</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Yes, there’s something so very appealing about comic book heroes fighting each other. Not</span><i style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">just&nbsp;</i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">fighting – no, they do plenty of&nbsp;</span><em style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fighting -&nbsp;</em><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">but fighting&nbsp;</span><em style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">each other</em><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">. It’s the kind of thinking that leads to a buzz of excitement when in, say, Joss Whedon’s The Avengers,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_GTNv0J9e8" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Iron Man squares off against Thor</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">. But they’re both Avengers, right? They’re not</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">&nbsp;</span><em style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">supposed</em><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">&nbsp;</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">to be fighting. It is, for all intents and purposes, a “what if” scenario – and yet, it’s the kind of scenario which has prevailed and stuck with popular culture and its audience for generations. More than heroes fighting villains, we clamour at the chance to see heroes fighting other heroes.&nbsp;So, here’s Injustice: Gods Among Us – an entire game dedicated to the notion of heroes fighting other heroes.</span></div><a name='more'></a><br /><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Coming to us by way of NetherRealm Studios, Injustice: Gods Among Us is a 2D fighting game that takes liberal influence from NetherRealm’s previous works – the crossover game, Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe, and the 2011 reboot of Mortal Kombat. It is the latter product which won them the most acclaim, putting Mortal Kombat back on the map with a gratuitous, balls-to-the-wall retelling of the original three games’ plots. It didn’t last long on the pro circuit, but it stuck with those that played it as an admirable, well-presented and polished remake indeed. Oh, and violent. Needlessly, wince-inducingly violent.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Naturally, a follow-up fighting game from the studio will be met with comparisons to Mortal Kombat. So let’s get that out of the way first: Injustice is&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em>&nbsp;Mortal Kombat with a DC Comics-flavoured twist. It is something quite else, and while the engine feels inherently familiar and matches play out in a similar fashion, the controls and playstyles are revamped completely. Ed Boon has voiced his intentions to separate Injustice from NetherRealm’s other properties, and for the most part they’ve succeeded in doing just that. A familiar feature set is perhaps the most immediate parallel to Mortal Kombat – in playing the game, there is quite a palpable difference, and a welcome one at that.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/injustice-gods-among-us1.jpeg" style="border: 0px; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24.296875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="injustice-gods-among-us[1]" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-3976" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/injustice-gods-among-us1-1024x576.jpeg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 4.546875px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></a>The removal of a dedicated block button (you hold back to block now), and replacing the one-face-button-per-limb system with a light, medium, and heavy-attack control scheme instead are just a few of the more immediate differences. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Mortal Kombat to death, but variety is the spice of life and DC’s heroes deserved something more than just a half-hearted retread of the already half-hearted MK vs DCU. It looks like they got that.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The story mode was the most impressive portion of Mortal Kombat, and a similar experience is available in Injustice. A chapter-based affair with cutscenes that flow seamlessly into combat and back again, Injustice’s main campaign will see you take control of 12 of the 24 character roster for a roller coaster ride of a narrative filled with fun, laughs, twists, surprises, and prizes. For about six hours, anyway.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If you are a DC purist (somehow, after&nbsp;<a href="http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Final_Crisis" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">all those retcons</a>), you’ll probably be left disappointed. Despite this technically being an Elseworld’s tale, there is still little justification for why, for example, Harley Quinn can beat up Doomsday. Why The Joker can stand face-to-face with Black Adam. Why people can not only catch up to, but punch and&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">hit</em>&nbsp;The Flash, supposedly the fastest man on the planet.&nbsp;There is a very small story explanation in the form of a throwaway line regarding magic pills (no…really), but otherwise it’s just a bunch of DC characters fighting each other – regardless of their being utterly outclassed or not.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ll be the first to say it – that’s&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fine</em>, and I’m&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">glad</em>&nbsp;they didn’t go to lengths to either explain why lightweights can go toe-to-toe with heavyhitters, or just pick characters that could stand an equal chance in scrap together. Rather, it is knowingly ridiculous – and that’s&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">perfect</em>. It’s exactly what was needed of a game where every fight takes place on a two-dimensional plane. You can’t write yourself out of&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">that</em>&nbsp;logic hole, so the team doesn’t even try. As Deathstroke says, tongue-in-cheek: “your tactics are one-dimensional!”<i style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></i></span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/injustice_gods_among_us_61.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="injustice_gods_among_us_6[1]" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-3981" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/injustice_gods_among_us_61-1024x576.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></a>As for the plot? Well, I don’t want to spoil much – a lot of the joy comes from being surprised in the cameos and choice of who’s fighting who and so on. But if you’re a DC Comics fan – or a fan of these characters – you’ll find a lot to like. It feels like, to me at least, a sort of twisted amalgamation of&nbsp;<a href="http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Flashpoint" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Flashpoint</a>&nbsp;and&nbsp;<a href="http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Superman:_Red_Son" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Superman: Red Son</a>, taking place in an alternate dimension in which Superman has become a horrific dictator due to… events. “Our” universe’s heroes (and some villains) are teleported into this nightmarish dimension to assist the Insurgency fighting against Superman’s Regime. That’s all you need to know. Alternate universe, Superman evil. Bunch of heroes fight. It is, as I noted, utterly, knowingly stupid. It brushes a few intelligent topics, but only lightly – nevertheless, enough so that you know that the stupidity is by choice and necessity, not so much that these writers are just dumb.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The action, both in and out of fights, amps up the ridiculousness. In the story you’ll see armies going against each other, doppelgangers giving each other a punch up, and all that good stuff. But reserved for the gameplay is some of the truly awesome action. Every character has special moves and power moves and a “super move,” and they’re all pleasingly unique.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The power moves are relegated to a single button that does a character-related thing. Superman, for example, charges up with the power of the sun and gets more powerful, and Batman summons a swarm of bats. But Green Arrow shoots arrows (different kinds!), and Solomon Grundy grabs his foe, reciting the poem that recalls his life and death (“born on a Monday…”). And whatnot.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Truly devastating though are the super moves. Think of them like Mortal Kombat’s X-rays. When your super move gets filled up, you can hit LT and RT at the same time to unleash a ten second long canned animation, depicting all kinds of various pain-inflicting (and enemy health bar-diminishing) scenarios. Aquaman summons a giant wave filled with fish and man eating sharks. Bane snaps his opponent’s back over his knee, as he is wont to do. Raven pulls people into a hellish realm where her dad, a Satan Devil type beast, does mean things. And more! The game is worth playing to see all these cool animations, even if Youtube provides them all. Really.&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Doing</em>&nbsp;these moves is less satisfying than&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">watching</em>&nbsp;them. Rarely has the term “bring the pain” been more apt for a videogame.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Joker_Greenlantern_Batcave_01.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24.296875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="Joker_Greenlantern_Batcave_0[1]" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-4000" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Joker_Greenlantern_Batcave_01-1024x576.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 5.265625px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></a>Perhaps the only gripes to be found are that the animations can get a little drawn out on repeat viewings, some of the moves are a little tricky to pull off for a not terribly thrilling reward, and that continuity of the matches can get a little warped – Doomsday’s move digs a hole through the center of the Earth, which is a little confusing if the stage you’re playing on is the in-orbit Watchtower satellite. Same, come to think of it, with Flash’s “running around the Earth to land a punch” move. Also, Batman can seemingly summon the Batmobile from anywhere. Even under the ocean, and in space. And in the Batcave where&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">another Batmobile can clearly be seen in the background</em>. Actually, the continuity is all kinds of weird – in one story match versus Doomsday in the Fortress of&nbsp;Solitude’s&nbsp;menagerie,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Doomsday stood watching in the background</em>. Eh. Multiple dimensions, amirite?</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">While we’re on animations, though, might need to bring up the graphical fidelity. It’s no secret – Injustice is not a&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">pretty</em>&nbsp;game. Far from ugly, but not exactly up to scratch for a 2013 release. It’s fine, though. The game runs a silky smooth frame rate during the fights (even if some canned animations like grabs and supers slow it down), and there is a good amount of&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stuff</em>&nbsp;rendered. These maps are dense with interactable objects which you can kick enemies into, throw at enemies, or shove enemies through. Most stages have multiple transitions through which you can punch enemies, initiating a cinematic of them falling through spiked bits and getting set on fire or hit by a wrecking ball or flung through a building or hit by a train or helicopter, before landing with a crunch in the next arena. And the animations are all perfect; naturally flowing, a good indication of character, and a joy to look at, the fights play out with a distinct flavour – with characters reacting to hits as they would, staggering from falls, and… oh, as shockwaves and wayward projectiles cause the stage to&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">collapse around the combatants</em>. Buildings fall apart, machines sputter and fail, roofs collapse, the Daily Planet globe falls off of its sitting. The game is a dense one, with fancy effects, physics-driven collateral damage and awe-inspiring combos – it’s just when you start to inspect things more closely… the seams start to show.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The faces are perhaps the most obviously ugly. The animation, lip-synch, and overall fidelity are&nbsp;noticeably&nbsp;lacking, especially (and surprisingly) in the pre-rendered cut-scenes. There’s also something about everyone’s teeth. They’re too white, or their mouths are cut around the wrong portion or… something. It looks weird. It’s not horrible, but it’s far from impressive – even Mortal Kombat looked better than this.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Also, there’s a lot of suspicious sprite use which really baffled me. Not even&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">animated</em>sprites, despite them being sprites of characters. One of the more&nbsp;egregious&nbsp;examples: Green Lantern’s victory screen sees him fly into space to join his corp… but they’re all floating sprites. All of them. It’s like someone (probably Sinestro) replaced the Green Lanterns with cardboard cut-outs. A fiendish plot t’be sure! One that has also affected Wonder Woman’s Athena, who passes her whip to her from the dreaded<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">&nbsp;second dimension!</em>…no, really. It’s weird. Why are they sprites. And if they had to be spirtes, why aren’t they moving.&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It’s creepy, guys.</em></span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Injustice__Gods_Among_Us_136183262351371.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24.296875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="Injustice__Gods_Among_Us_13618326235137[1]" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-3978" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Injustice__Gods_Among_Us_136183262351371-1024x576.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 5.265625px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></a>Graphical imperfection aside, the game more than makes up for it by being packed with&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stuff,&nbsp;</em>and looking good when actually being&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">played</em>. To these ends, there are 24 characters. All your favourites are here! …and some of your not-favourites, certainly. If I must criticize the roster, I will do so thusly: too much Batman. Bats himself, Joker, Nightwing, Bane, Harley Quinn… few too many Batman characters. I’d actually be fine with it if Batman didn’t also dominate the stages – Gotham, the Batcave, Arkham Asylum,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Joker’s</em>&nbsp;Asylum, Wayne Manor during the day, Wayne Manor during the night. We get it. Batman’s popular. Can I travel to Bizarro maybe? That’d be fun? Eh? …no? Fine.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway. This is where I’d usually comment on game balance. I’m… I don’t think I’m qualified. I’m assured by friends that know what they’re saying that Injustice is about on par with Mortal Kombat as far as tournament-ready depth goes, so I don’t expect professional&nbsp;longevity&nbsp;will be Injustice’s strong suit. As for the layman? …the characters all seem pretty well-rounded. None seem, at least from the outset, “overpowered,” and they all fill a pretty specific niche, and they all have varying playstyles. For a game to play with a buddy for a local 1v1 superhero action, Injustice is a perfectly well-tuned game. If you’re expecting to hop online for some more hardcore rounds, or if you’re thinking this game will be the next Street Fighter IV… don’t count on it. Maybe the game, under scrupulous and rigorous investigation, will surprise everyone and last for years in tournaments across the globe. From what I’ve seen of it, and from what I’ve heard of it, I very much doubt that.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The modes are all here that you’d expect, though. Injustice is a hefty game, packed with content. There’s the main campaign, there’s the S.T.A.R. Labs missions (more than 200 of them, equatable to Mortal Kombat’s challenge tower), a bevy of practice modes, an arcade mode with a&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ton</em>&nbsp;of modifiers like Survival, Poisoned, fight-the-whole-roster, fight-the-whole-roster Survival. Then we enter online: there’s King of the Hill, ranked matches, player matches, practice with friends, practice with strangers. And online challenges, like “throw 10 monitors” and… yeah. Man, lot of stuff in this game!</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Curiously, the game has persistent XP and stat tracking (like in Call of Duty), complete with leveling up ‘n all. There’s no moves or characters you need to level up for, all your XP goes towards unlocking backgrounds and badges for your player ID thing (again, like in Call of Duty). You level up outside of multi-player though – pretty much everything you do nets you XP – which resulted in a very mean scenario: I thought that my Level 40 meant I was truly positively good at the game, so I proudly strolled into an online match, only to find… no. I’m not any good – and I got my ass kicked so hard by someone (30 levels below me that had nontheless mastered Deathstroke) that my teeth flew out of my nose.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/injustice-gods-among-us-screenshots-91.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="injustice-gods-among-us-screenshots-9[1]" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-3979" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/injustice-gods-among-us-screenshots-91-1024x576.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></a>What else to say. The voice acting is pretty neat! A lot of actors reprise their roles from the DC Animated Universe, like Kevin Conroy as Batman, Phil LaMarr as Aquaman, Khary Payton as the Teen Titan’s own Cyborg; and they’re playing out a witty, clever script that fits the depictions of these characters like a glove. Fan favourite Tara Long also reprises her role of Harley Quinn from Batman: Arkham City, and the lack of Mark Hamill as The Joker is a thorn… until the new guy proves himself a more than adequate replacement. The visual design is alright too – not&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">presented</em>&nbsp;brilliantly, as I mentioned, but these updates to classic heroes aren’t terrible at all – in fact, they’re pretty sweet, straddling the line between clean-line comic stylings and overtly detailed&nbsp;<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aMuPpy8L76k/T9em6SCGRtI/AAAAAAAAAc4/HYjP6KtbayA/s1600/Superman_Man+of+Steel_Costume_Chest+Up.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">film costumes</a>. Nightwing has never looked sexier, Superman has never looked more threatening. Raven looks like a proper demon and even Harley Quinn and Joker’s new attires are spiffing. If you don’t appreciate the NetherRealm touch, mind, there are also a lot of unlockable classic skins – and, well, this is perhaps where the fun starts to turn a bit sour.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A lot of unlockable skins you can get in the game, no problem. You get them by playing, gaining achievements… y’know. Game stuff. There’s a New 52 designed outfit for The Flash. There’s Hal Jordan as a Yellow Lantern. There’s a very Flashpoint-esque unmasked Deathstroke. But if you want, say, a Batman Beyond skin, you’ll need to be playing the iOS app. If you want New 52 Superman or Wonder Woman, you’ll need to buy the Season Pass for the four helpings of planned DLC.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Worst of all is pre-order bonuses. If you want to play through some Red Son missions, I hope you pre-ordered from Gamestop! If you want to play through a Blackest Night-inspired zombie mode, elsewhere! If you want some Arkham Asylum skins, again – another retailer! This, combined with the planned DLC, the iOS app&nbsp;integration, does make the otherwise bursting at the&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">seams</em>&nbsp;with content product feel… lacking. Incomplete. To have everything that is on the disc you buy, you’ll need an iPad, the Season Pass, and you’ll need to have pre-ordered from&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">several</em><em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">&nbsp;</em>places. That feels dirty. The game is fine out-of-the-box, no stages or movesets are being sold off, but damn it if some of the coolest stuff isn’t being held hostage behind a paygate. Like Lobo. I love Lobo! I want Lobo! Why is he&nbsp;<a href="http://bossdungeon.com/lobo-rides-into-injustice-as-dlc/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">relegated to DLC</a>ahead of Harley Quinn and Killer fucking Frost?</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/injustice.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="injustice" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-3980" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/injustice-1024x575.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If you are a fan of these characters, this game is pure, unadulterated fun. It’s suitably brutal (not as much as Mortal Kombat, obviously, but there’s still plenty of blood-letting), and more than satisfyingly ridiculous. Characters you love and adore are here, redesigned in a way that makes&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">sense.&nbsp;</em>Too much Batman, perhaps, but hey – there’s fan service that more that makes up for it.&nbsp;<a href="http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Giganta" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Giganta</a>&nbsp;and&nbsp;<a href="http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Atom_Smasher" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Atom Smasher</a>&nbsp;fight in the background of one stage, beating each other as buildings collapse around them. Sweet! That’s probably a fight I’d rather be having, but whatever! There’s a lot of goodies in here for casual observers of fighting games and DC’s properties.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Injustice: Gods Among Us is, at its core, a bonkers fighting game that puts accessibility ahead of depth. If the idea of a fighting game you can enjoy sitting down with a drink and a mate for some 1v1 action appeals to you, and the idea of pitting DC’s finest against each other in increasingly audacious situations is your bag, your alley is the one which Injustice is up. If you’re looking for more beneath the surface of your fighting games, Injustice only offers the merest of potential in that area – I can always recommend you wait and see, but from the looks of things, just like Mortal Kombat, you’re out of luck with this one.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Know what you’re getting into, though, and Injustice more than delivers – a super-powered fan-service-packed uppercut right into the pleasure center of every comic nerd’s nostalgia-fueled brain. Or, in other words: this game might not provide a solid answer on who’d win in a fight between Batman and Superman, but it does reassure us that it is freakin’ sweet when they do.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-097OeiyL8iA/UOwCMfArtXI/AAAAAAAABd0/0bomiN5d0ok/s1600/4+stars.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-097OeiyL8iA/UOwCMfArtXI/AAAAAAAABd0/0bomiN5d0ok/s1600/4+stars.png" /></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-84979676821278057842013-03-07T07:57:00.000-08:002013-10-27T03:37:09.818-07:00Why Online DRM Is Bad, And Should Feel Bad<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><br /><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/riccitiello_ea_pachter_5801.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="riccitiello_ea_pachter_580[1]" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-2463" height="241" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/riccitiello_ea_pachter_5801.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t want to talk about games right now. I’m too annoyed, and perturbed, to talk about games. Because, all said and done, the subject I’m talking about is something that should be detached from games, and so I feel it deserves to be talked about as a separate entity. I’m not going to talk about it as it effects particular titles; I believe it is a practice which is as disgusting and fraudulent, whether a game works around it or not. So, now that that’s out of the way.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Let’s talk about always-online DRM.&nbsp;</span></span></div><a name='more'></a><br /><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My former editor-in-chief at Boss Dungeon,&nbsp;<a href="http://bossdungeon.com/author/Tobbii/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Tobbiichi Karlsson</a>&nbsp;wrote an&nbsp;<a href="http://bossdungeon.com/review-simcity/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">overwhelmingly positive review</a>&nbsp;of the latest SimCity. She thought it exceeded her expectations and delivered her such an&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">enjoyable</em>&nbsp;experienced that it deserved the highest score they at Boss Dungeon&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can&nbsp;</em>bestow upon a title – a 10/10. She does mention of the always-online aspect: “I will not think less of the game for the online only aspect, as I feel they’ve made cause enough for it.”</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">While I think that’s a fair point, there’s a line to be drawn between always-online as a development decision… and always-online as a&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">business</em>&nbsp;decision. I can’t say if it was Maxis or EA who decided for it. I don’t want to imply that EA may have been twisting Maxis’ arm, or that Maxis was issued an order that they were merely complacent with. These are big companies, and they don’t make dumb decisions, no matter how we may perceive it. They have enough resources to do the maths and figure out if an always-online style of game will benefit them in the long run.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">…but that’s it.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’ll benefit&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">them.</em></span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/ac2_sreenshot_0021.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="ac2_sreenshot_002[1]" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-2482" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/ac2_sreenshot_0021-1024x576.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The thing about these always-online systems that I think is perhaps the most important piece of the puzzle: the only people who actually&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">benefit</em>&nbsp;from them are the publishers (and developers). I don’t care how good the game uses an always-online system to its advantage. The only people at a loss are paying customers. That may seem a bit like hyperbole, but I honestly believe it is the case. And if you don’t believe me? …why not read on, and maybe – just maybe – I’ll change your mind.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So. Ubisoft has taken a lot of flak for implementing always-online DRM in its single-player games; essentially holding paying customer’s ability to play and save their games at the whim of their often erratic servers. Games like Splinter Cell: Conviction, Assassin’s Creed II, and most notoriously ANNO 2070 were received poorly by players and were less commercially successful than expected because of the so-called “Ubi DRM.”</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now, the reason for Ubisoft’s extreme use of digital rights management? Piracy. Their games were pirated a whole fucking lot on PC. Most of those games were single-player games. Frankly, from Ubisoft’s position, it just makes&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">sense</em>. They have to protect their bottom line, and making an activation system that constantly checks in with a server? That’s hard to crack. …<a href="http://torrentfreak.com/ubisofts-uber-drm-cracked-within-a-day-100304/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">it proved crackable</a>, but that’s an engineering blunder there. Concept-wise, Ubisoft wanting to protect their games from being stolen – an always-online check is perhaps the strongest kind of lock you can put on these things.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It was at the expense of their customer’s convenience, though. Servers crashed, servers were overloaded. Save games were lost because they were stored elsewhere than the player’s PC. People who bought the games perfectly legally were faced with a system that basically assumed they were criminals – while pirates received a game that was&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">better</em>&nbsp;than the one&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">actual customers</em>&nbsp;got. That is to say nothing of people in regions where high-speed internet is patchy or unavailable – people who found themselves with games they were unable to play. Needless to say, Ubisoft eventually realized it was a bad idea and&nbsp;<a href="http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2012/09/05/ubisoft-scrapping-always-on-drm-for-pc-games/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">patched it out of all their games</a>… albeit it not soon enough.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/diablo3z11.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="diablo3z1[1]" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-2464" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/diablo3z11.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So. Onto this new breed of online digital rights management. I call it a “new breed” because, much like&nbsp;<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_(creature_in_Alien_franchise)" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">the humble Xenomorph</a>, this vile villain is constantly adapting to its new environments. It has found a new, snug home, though… in the chest of so-called “social single-player.” Or single-player plus. Or whatever&nbsp;<a href="http://bossdungeon.com/cryteks-cevat-yerli-thinks-the-notion-of-single-player-games-should-go-away/" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Cevat Yerli wants to fucking call it</a>. Traditionally single-player experiences – solitary activities, for by-ones-self quiet-time. Not so anymore, apparently. It’s share with others, or don’t play at all!</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Diablo III was the first. Released last year, the third installment of a series so often played by people either by themselves, or on an offline network with friends, was tied to an MMO-like frontpage and persistent servers – one which players now had to remain connected to at all times, even if they wanted to play it alone.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And then there’s SimCity. Again, a series which has often been the domain of singular players, wasting hours at a time creating, building, and destroying cities with a meticulous level of control – one diminished by the influence of other players and their surrounding cities in the multiplayer “region.”</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And NO. NO. I don’t want anyone to pipe up, at this moment, and say that these games are “meant to be played online” or whatever! Don’t give me that crap. These games aren’t<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">MMOs</em>, where you&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">have</em>&nbsp;to play with other people and form groups and team up to take on challenges no one player can tackle alone. No, you&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can</em>&nbsp;play Diablo III alone! There are other people on the server, sure, but you can take on its dungeons by yourself! And SimCity, for all its persistent online regions,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can</em>&nbsp;be played on private regions resided by only one player. It is inconvenient, perhaps, but the co-operation aspect is completely diminished by ones ability to remove themselves from the outside world entirely.&nbsp;No. If these were truly MMO experiences, they’d put a lid on that.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Diablo-3-Auction-House-bids1.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="Diablo-3-Auction-House-bids[1]" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-2466" height="285" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Diablo-3-Auction-House-bids1-1024x730.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t want to do any speculation, though. Alright? I want to think this through logically, with what evidence I have. I want to draw a reasonable conclusion here. I don’t want to assume that Maxis or EA are on some kind of anti-consumer bent because all they want is your money and to hell what you think. I don’t want to assume Blizzard didn’t make Diablo III offline because it was for their convenience, not yours. But… there’s not anywhere else to go.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">These systems&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">are</em>&nbsp;for&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">their</em>&nbsp;convenience. Not yours.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">With Diablo III, they implemented a player-run, real-money auction house. It’s one in which all items sold get a chunk of their profits taken out of them by Blizzard. And an always-online DRM solution is the easiest way to make sure people don’t cheat Blizzard out of their cash. A single-player or LAN mode would only remove people from that blanket, and probably open up a realm of cheaters or hackers. I mean, I’m not programmer, I’m no online engineer, but that seems pretty logical. No single-player, no outliers.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But that’s all in Blizzard’s favour, though. They get to control their players to make sure they aren’t cheated out of profits. That’s fine. In the process, though, players&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">lose</em>&nbsp;the ability to play the game they bought on their own. Players&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">lose</em>&nbsp;the peace of mind of knowing their game will&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">always</em>&nbsp;work. Players&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">lose out.&nbsp;</em>There are very few gains that are not solely reaped by the developer and publisher, here. That, I think, is what makes such DRM so disingenuous – it’s a system that claims to be for the players benefit, but truly it only keeps a leash on them.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Then we come to SimCity. There are good arguments to say that the forced co-op system is an interesting new way to play, that it’s a lot of fun when it works. I’ll cop to that. But again, like Diablo III, only EA and Maxis truly&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">win</em>&nbsp;thanks to the DRM. The players&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">lose</em>&nbsp;the ability to do certain things.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Spark_2013-01-28_16-25-47.png" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="Spark_2013-01-28_16-25-47" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-2144" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Spark_2013-01-28_16-25-47-1024x576.png" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The game and its saves are no longer on their computers. They can no longer truly play by themselves – despite the game having systems that are more than suitable for alone play, contrary to the idea that it’s “built from the ground up for multiplayer”. The player can no longer avoid the direct sale of DLC and expansion packs. And the player is, like Diablo III, at the whim of activation servers which have proven less than stable – not just when getting<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">into</em>&nbsp;a game, but then, once in, losing save data and cities wholesale. Because, I dunno, rats got into the wires?</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I said I’d talk about the DRM sans the games, so here I go:&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">this DRM does nothing for the consumer</em>. It literally is only a negative. I can’t think of a single actual positive for the players of SimCity and Diablo III, that the online system provides. And I know… alright? I&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">know</em>that&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">some</em>&nbsp;players solely want those cooperative experiences. Those people get what they want, and that’s great. But the people who don’t want that… well, that’s the thing. They&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can</em>get their single-player game; it’s in both those games, no matter what the developers will tell them. It’s just it is buried under inconvenience after inconvenience after inconvenience – inconveniences that exist solely so the developer and publisher can have more.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m a strong believer that nothing that makes a product&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">worse</em>&nbsp;for&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">any</em>&nbsp;group of consumers is good. Especially not a full-price, retail PC game – I mean, discs of SimCity are essentially glorified coasters with holes drilled in ‘em as long as the servers are down. Can you imagine if they did that with movies? “Oh, we’re busy at the moment. You can’t watch your DVD. Sorry!” Not to compare videogames with movies, of course, but as long as they’re sold as entertainment media I’m going to have very little choice.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">With these games, what publishers have created are platforms. Platforms on which to hock downloadable content, and to hook everyone who buys the game into. And that’s not good. You’re not buying a game which you&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">own</em>&nbsp;anymore – the game box doesn’t contain everything you need to play anymore. The game box is merely your&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ticket</em>&nbsp;– your permission to enter someone else’s house, and play with their toys, on a space of their floor, with a bunch of other people playing with us. If we want to play alone, we can’t take our toys outside – we have to stay in a private, yet monitored, corner of the&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">same house</em>.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As far as recommending games like these goes… I can’t. I feel personally affronted by the idea that those kinds of systems – no matter the quality of the games underneath – are being rewarded by people. Even though I absolutely trust Tobbii’s opinion, and I thought his review spelled out a well-deserved perfect score for SimCity – I couldn’t give a 10/10 to any game with that sort of cancerous business model laying on it. It’s like a polyp that keeps gassing you in the face when you start to forget about it and enjoy yourself. I don’t think I’d be able to bring myself to even&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">review</em>&nbsp;a game which such systems, yet along score it in a way that implies I recommend it for purchase. Even if I thought it was the greatest game in the world… I couldn’t do it.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/iVtYhI0t2f8K71.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="iVtYhI0t2f8K7[1]" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-2483" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/iVtYhI0t2f8K71-1024x576.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I want to make&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">this</em>&nbsp;clear. Lest anyone call me a hypocrite.&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This goes for Steam as well</em>. Steam is less intrusive, no doubt about that. And it is an online storefront – I’m fine with games bought&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">through</em>&nbsp;Steam locking themselves to an account. That’s fine. Also, Steam does provide marginal benefits to its users – unlimited installs on multiple machines, a robust instant messaging service, Cloud saves that work&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">alongside</em>&nbsp;local saves… and other such relatively small things, as well as unique features like Big Picture, and a plethora of free games. Oh, and sales! So many sales. No doubt, there are definite positives to using Steam.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But for all of that, if I buy a fucking game from a store, and it is&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tied to my Steam account</em>, therefore rendering my game disc, box, and everything else I paid for to be&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">mine</em>&nbsp;at the mercy of Steam? That’s bullshit. It’s not quite as big bullshit as tying a game to a server constantly, but it is still a giant load. Because, at the end of the day, who does it benefit most? Does it benefit you, as a consumer, to have your game attached to that Steam account of yours? Or does it benefit Valve to have you there? Does it benefit the publisher to know you’re in a place where they can specifically target you for DLC and more games? (The answer is it benefits Valve and the publishers, for those of you who haven’t caught on.)</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A product is purchased. That is what you give developers and publishers, traditionally – your money, for a product. A game, a game that you can do with what you like. You can play it by yourself or with friends. You can mod it, if you want. But those days are no longer, apparently. The game you pay for is merely permission to play. I don’t care how good the games around that permission are. I really could not give a toss if Diablo III is the best thing ever. If it is built in a way that singular players will play by themselves… an always-online DRM system does nothing but&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">actively take away features from them</em>. It does not provide benefits, only annoyances, and it takes away the game from the paying player and gives it back to those who made it. That’s not how an entertainment&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">product</em>&nbsp;should work. If EA and Acti-Blizzard want to tell us that they are selling us&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">products</em>, when they are actually selling us&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">permissions</em>… yes. Yes, that&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">is</em>&nbsp;disingenuous.</span></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I’m fucking sick of it.</span></span></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-59993604732146762812013-02-12T03:23:00.000-08:002013-10-27T03:37:32.656-07:00Review: "Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed"<div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Sonic-All-Stars-Racing-Splash.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="Sonic-All-Stars-Racing-Splash" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1254" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Sonic-All-Stars-Racing-Splash.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you had told me last year that one of my favourite games would be a Sonic game, I’d laugh. If you’d told me one of my favourite games would be a Sonic&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">racing</em>&nbsp;game, I’d laugh while dismissing every opinion you’d ever had as the ravings of an outright lunatic. And if you’d told me one of my favourite games would be a Sonic racing game&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">on the PC,&nbsp;</em>I’d stop laughing, slap you across the face and tell you to get the hell out of my house.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Oh, how time makes fools of us all.</span></div><a name='more'></a><br /><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">It’s been a while since Sega’s upstart blue mascot was actually relevant. The first game I ever played in the Sonic series was 2011′s Sonic Generations – a masterful platformer recounting the twenty years of the character’s life, the ups and downs and downs and downs and… well. Mostly downs. But the ups, too. It’s hard not to feel like Sonic the Hedgehog – and Sega, at that – were once kings. Kings! …and it’s even harder not to feel like they squandered all of it.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">With this in mind, one of Sonic &amp; All-Stars Racing Transformed’s greatest achievements lies in its reverence to Sega, its games, its characters and its consoles. It feels a lot like Super Smash Bros. Brawl, in that respect (going so far as to, like Brawl, include a console as a playable character), and the wide-eyed nostalgia to a time where Sonic games didn’t see major releases on Nintendo consoles is palpable.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">It’s good, then, that I never owned any Sega consoles. Or played any Sega games. I had to consult Wikipedia every time I unlocked a new character! So you can rest assured that all the praise I give Sonic &amp; All-Stars Racing Transformed is praise that is&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">blind</em>&nbsp;to the blatant nostalgic appeal. Any attempts to get at me through my childhood memories were naught – and yet, I still love the game a whole bunch. That, I feel, is both an achievement in and of itself, and an indication of the industry at large’s inability to call back to the “good old days” while simultaneously crafting a product that is&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">actually good</em>. All-Stars Racing Transformed respects Sega’s heritage – but it does not forsake its own in the process.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-01_00012.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-02-01_00012" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1257" height="224" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-01_00012.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you’ve ever played a mascot-driven kart racer before, you’ll know what to expect from the core of All-Stars Racing Transformed. There are a bunch of recognizable characters driving stylized, miniature vehicles. There are bright, colourful and twisting tracks based off of series’ locations and stages. There are power-ups you collect on the track which you use to knock your opponents off the road. There are frustrating sneak attacks which rocket you from first to last just as you’re about to cross the finish line. Yep – all boxes ticked.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">The driving physics are incredibly satisfying, and that’s not common for&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">kart</em>&nbsp;racers. The pace is break-neck – it’s hard not to see the influence of ex-Bizarre Creations’ staff – and the handling is pitch-perfect. The drifting mechanic returns from the original All-Stars Racing, in which you hold down the left trigger to drift, and release &nbsp;to reap a short boost collected by drifting for periods of time. It’s not without skill, and the unique handling offered by different characters’ vehicles means that, much like a fighting game, you’ll come to find a way of playing you personally enjoy.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Sonic, for example, is the fastest (duh), while Tails steers easier at the expense of speed and acceleration. There are five stats attached to each character and their rides: speed, acceleration, handling, boost, and “all-star,” and as you play with each character, you can level them up to unlock different variations, or “mods.” Ergo, the game rarely gets stale to play, as you’re encouraged to mix up your play-style as you go.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-05_00001.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-02-05_00001" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1258" height="222" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-05_00001.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">It’s helped that the track designs are diverse and interesting. Roller coaster-esque loops and flips accompany stretches of road laced with stage hazards. There are courses from all sorts of Sega games, be it Sonic games or otherwise – a personal highlight for me is a level fashioned after the original House of the Dead – and they each have a distinct flavour, colour scheme, and gimmick attached. If you choose to play the campaign mode – and I recommend it – you’ll be greeted with each of the levels, in varying play styles; presented in an order which doles out new content to you at a consistent and satisfying pace.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">There are three initial difficulties you can play at. By completing a track on Hard, you earn three stars (on Medium, two stars, and on Easy, one). These stars unlock level gates which block you from getting to later events, characters, bonus events, and more character mods. This, combined with each character’s individual leveling up, creates a game where you constantly feel like you’re&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">making progress</em>. It keeps you going, both to see what’s next, and to feel yourself getting better at the game. It’s a simple, yet neat, trick – one I feel Mario Kart has failed to learn. The act of playing this game makes you want to play&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">more</em>&nbsp;of it – and it’s been a while since I’ve been able to say that about a kart racer of all things!</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-04_00002.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-02-04_00002" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1261" height="223" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-04_00002.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Oh. I may have neglected to mention that this game features a transformation mechanic.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Yeah. So. Uh. The game features a transformation mechanic.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">The titular “Transformed” – at points during tracks, you’ll pass through a transformation gate and your car will transform into a boat or plane and back. …it’s just enough like Diddy Kong Racing that the mechanic makes me giddily overjoyed (it’s not helping that Sonic’s car makes the Transformers “chk-chk-chk” noise when his vehicle transforms!), though such a comparison, while apt, is slightly misleading. The tracks play out linearly and you transform at set points – Diddy Kong Racing provided tracks where you could choose between car, hovercraft or aircraft, and enter into the fray with everyone made their own choice. In All-Stars Racing Transformed, it’s strictly when the game makes you transform that you transform – but it’s still a great gimmick.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">There is something so blissful about driving off a cliff, transforming into a jet, and then rocketing over a body of water until passing another checkpoint and dropping into the water – as a boat – to continue the race. With every character equipped with a unique set of vehicles – Disney’s Wreck-it Ralph (who is tired of being in his own game, y’know) has a helicopter he flies around in, while Ulala from Space Channel Five has a space-pod, and so on, and so forth. It’s an experience rather different to Mario Kart – at least older ones – where everyone was handed basically the same vehicles. The result is a bombastic clash of art styles, designs and aesthetic sensibilities – an eclectic rainbow of unique characters and vehicles. It feels more like The Cannonball Run in places than a kart racing game – and it’s better for it.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">It’s helped by the inclusion of “all-star mode”. Think of it like Smash Bros. Brawl’s smash ball – a rare power-up that gives its wielder super powers for a short time. Basically, they’re unique super moves, handed out maybe once or twice a race.&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And they’re awesome.</em>&nbsp;With a boost of speed and often a more elaborate transformation, these all-star moves differ from character to character – from Vyse’s massive pirate ship that cannonballs all he chooses to pass, to NiGHTS flying through people and sending them hurtling backwards, to Football Manager kicking giant footballs directly at his enem- …wait, what?&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Football Manager?</em></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-01_00001.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-02-01_00001" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1260" height="222" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-01_00001.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Oh yes. What would this review of the PC port be without noting the PC exclusive features? The work on the technical side of the port is technically flawless – what was once a great-looking game on console is now&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">superb-looking</em>&nbsp;on PC, with all the options one could want, from screen resolution to AA to texture size to shadow resolutions to v-sync. With the exception of one crash-to-desktop bug (which has been acknowledged by the developers and is being worked on), this is a flawless port, running in high-def at 60 frames per second – it’s a vibrant, lively game and is all the best for running on PC. And the inclusion of four-player split-screen on PC is a blessing for myself, since I’ve only recently found the joys of an HDMI cable, an HDTV and Steam Big Picture. With four Xbox 360 controllers, this is a perfect party game – and it’s wonderful that PC gamers can throw the same parties console users can.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">But screw that.&nbsp;</em>We all know all that matters is exclusive characters! A Shogun warrior from Shogun: Total War, “Team Fortress” – the Pyro, the Heavy and the Spy from Team Fortress 2 – and the Football Manager from, um, Football Manager, greet PC players with open arms. My first reaction was to play as Team Fortress immediately… and, well, they’re good. The original actors aren’t on board, which will surprise some, but the imitators did a decent job and their look is consistent with Team Fortress 2′s aesthetics…</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">(<strong style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Update:&nbsp;</strong>It turns out, the original actors&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">are</em>&nbsp;on board. I guess they were just having an off day, or they had colds, or they’d forgotten how to do the voices, or… somethin’.)</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">But I have to say. Without a pint of irony, Football Manager is the best character in the game.&nbsp;His stats are even across the board, but it is the writing that really makes him stand out. Ignoring that whoever did the fake English accent makes him sound a bit like Moss from The IT Crowd, his hilarious quips flow like wine from a bottle. “Ref! Ref!” he shouts when he’s bombarded with fireworks. “Red card!” he shrieks as he spins out of control. “That’s got to be a foul!” he complains when he gets knocked off the track. Do you see? Do you get the clever joke that he is using football lingo even though he is not playing football? …yes? What, you don’t think it’s clever? …oh, well,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I</em>&nbsp;like it! And I’m the one reviewing the game, so, hmmph. Football Manager’s Final Score: 10/10,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">yo.</em></span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-03_00001.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-02-03_00001" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1259" height="223" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-03_00001.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">The game has a few flaws holding it back from&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">actually</em>&nbsp;being the perfect kart racer. Crashes on PC are frequent, unfortunately – a fix is coming, but I don’t review hypothetical products, I can only review what I have in front of me, and what I have in front of me&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">dumps me to the desktop when I try to load a map.&nbsp;</em>So.&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">That’s</em>&nbsp;an issue. Also an issue is that this game reminds me everything I&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">hate</em>&nbsp;about kart racers. To be blunt, it is a game that does not reward exceptional play. It&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">is</em>&nbsp;possible to be a good enough driver to get a lead on the other players, but for the most part the playing field is&nbsp;appallingly&nbsp;even. It’s not&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">quite</em>&nbsp;as far along as Mario Kart’s punishing of genuine skill – there’s no blue turtle shell&nbsp;equivalent – but it’s awfully close. This is the risk one makes when creating a game where a major mechanic lies in randomly dropped weapons of differing usefulness and power, but it still results in many,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">many</em>&nbsp;frustrating losses – and cheap&nbsp;<i style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">wins. On Hard difficulty, you have to come first to win (there’s no second or third place), and often I scraped in first by sheer luck – or held first place for the whole race before being violently snubbed by a character wielding an unstoppable super move. The tropes of the genre are well in play here, and I&nbsp;</i>want to blame the genre and move on… but it really is the game’s fault for employing them.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Also, the online. I would like to tell you how great the online is. I’d love to tell you how playing against real people is a game changer. I’d love to. Too bad the&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">matchmaking is severely broken</em>. …oh, I mean, there is a work-around – if you set your Steam download region to another country’s, you’ll be matched in with people in that country. But forgive me if I don’t want to have the latency attached to playing on American servers from Australia. I also discovered, while playing against a friend in a custom game, that there are a disturbing lack of customization options. I would have liked to play a one versus one game with the two of us, but there’s no choice in the matter – AI fills out the missing slots, online or off, and it’s not all I would have expected. Getting over it, the few times the matchmaking system gave me a game, they’ve been clean, lagless matches, but it’s little comfort when the system is broken 99% of the time. Oh, uh, small complaint, but the game being locked to 16:9 aspect ratio at 16:10 resolutions kind grinds my gears. Not a fan of black bars. But eh, that’s a minor quibble.</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-03_00009-e1360668722161.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img alt="2013-02-03_00009" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1256" height="216" src="http://bossdungeon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/2013-02-03_00009-e1360668722161.jpg" style="border: none; clear: both; display: block; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 20px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">At the end of the day, there’s two ways a recommendation like this goes. If you’re a Sega fan, you need to own this game. If you’re a fan of flawlessly designed kart racers, you need to own this game. God help you if you’re a Sega fan who is also a fan of flawlessly designed kart racers, because I recommend&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you</em>&nbsp;buy the game twice. Sonic &amp; All-Stars Racing Transformed is a gem – an adrenaline rush of a racing game, and a glorious, Smash Bros.-esque love letter to Sega’s past via the medium of kart racing. It’s not perfect, and the excellent PC port still has its share of problems, but it’s so easy to recommend this game regardless.&nbsp;With racing so fast you can cut your teeth on it, bright, appealing visuals, an unlock system that keeps you invested in the game, and the rich history of Sega’s consoles and games to draw from, this is an outstanding effort from Sumo Digital.&nbsp;Go and play it – you will&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em>&nbsp;regret it. I promise. …Scout’s honor!</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">…wait.&nbsp;Real-life NASCAR driver Danica Patrick drives a Hot Wheels car.&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Real-life&nbsp;</em>NASCAR driver, Danica Patrick – who provides her own voice for her cameo – drives a fake,&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">toy</em>&nbsp;Hot Wheels car in this game. And it’s c<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">alled&nbsp;</em><em id="__mceDel" style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“the Danicar.”&nbsp;</em>THIS GAME IS SOME STUPID-ASS SHIT I MEAN JESUS CHRIST&nbsp;<em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">WHAT-</em></span><br /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></em></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-097OeiyL8iA/UOwCMfArtXI/AAAAAAAABd0/0bomiN5d0ok/s1600/4+stars.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-097OeiyL8iA/UOwCMfArtXI/AAAAAAAABd0/0bomiN5d0ok/s1600/4+stars.png" /></a></div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></em></span></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-84774238913395273652013-02-04T04:15:00.003-08:002013-07-18T07:33:27.387-07:00Why You're All Fucking Wrong About The New Devil May Cry Game<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-10wma755jN4/UQ-i7TvFOzI/AAAAAAAABnA/KtmSbzUDo5s/s1600/Godno%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-10wma755jN4/UQ-i7TvFOzI/AAAAAAAABnA/KtmSbzUDo5s/s400/Godno%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Let me open by laying down what is pretty much an undeniable disclaimer about this whole argument - not liking the protagonist that you spend an entire game with is <i>entirely</i>&nbsp;a valid reason to not play a game. It might not make the game good or bad, depending on the genre, but if you find the character you <i>play</i>&nbsp;as an obnoxious, or irritating, or annoying person, then no-one should expect you to sit there and like it. When playing <i>Sonic Generations</i>, all I could think about was how much I hate Sonic as a character, for... a lot of it. Now, I forgave the bastard because I <i>liked</i> playing the game, but he was treading a thin line and... y'know, if someone was<i> less</i> able to overlook how much of a douchebag Sonic is, I'd be completely content in letting that be their reason not to play <i>Sonic Generations</i>. I'd be a little disappointed, cos it's a damn fine platformer, but come on. It's like forcing yourself to watch the <i>Star Wars</i>&nbsp;prequels<i>&nbsp;</i>for the action scenes alone. Kinda justified in not watching it cos the characters suck arse, eh?<br /><div><br /></div><div>With that out of the way, I can move on to business of the day.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>YOU'RE <i>ALL</i> FUCKING WRONG ABOUT THE NEW DEVIL MAY CRY GAME</div><div><br /></div><div><a name='more'></a>I was gonna call this article "you're all right about the new <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;game," but I can't go with that. Usually I'm a calm, reserved individual. And, in a roundabout sort of way, I do think everyone is right about <i>DmC Devil May Cry</i>. ...eh, but that doesn't quite paint the message I want to portray in the light I want it to. No, I don't want to pat anyone on the back for this. I would rather make sure everyone knows what utter cunts they're being about this game. So yeah, alright, you <i>are</i>&nbsp;all right; but more crucially, you're all <i>wrong</i>. So, so wrong, each and every one of you. And I am now going to proceed with my elaborate, intelligent and earth-shattering argument as to <i>why</i>&nbsp;everyone is wrong.</div><div><br /></div><div>Subjectivity is a thing that exists, guys!</div><div><br /></div><div>...yeah. That's basically it. You're all wrong because you all fail to grasp subjectivity, basically. But you're also all wrong for better reasons that I'll list now, but never <i>ever</i>&nbsp;forget the subjectivity that goes into forming opinions. <i>Never</i>. Because maybe, just maybe, you'll end up respecting people you disagree with... instead of leaping down their throats for looking at you funny. Be the bigger man and everyone will come out feeling better about themselves, huh?&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3>To <i>DmC Devil May Cry</i>'s Detractors</h3><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6oNSpThZZh0/UQ-jVbwxvqI/AAAAAAAABnI/24SsR0uRkYI/s1600/dmc_wallp_1920%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6oNSpThZZh0/UQ-jVbwxvqI/AAAAAAAABnI/24SsR0uRkYI/s400/dmc_wallp_1920%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />It was Brad Shoemaker of Giant Bomb that said, "I don't think I've ever seen anyone so angry about someone <i>liking a game.</i>" If you have ever told someone they shouldn't like <i>DmC</i>, after they've played it and enjoyed it, you are one of the saddest people ever. Just sayin'. There's a lot to hate about <i>DmC</i>&nbsp;- and I'll get to that in a bit - but to completely ignore any (and all) of its redeeming qualities is to spit in the face of people who <i>like the game</i>. And that's just... well that's just kind of stupid. You<i>&nbsp;</i>big dummies.<br /><br />There are plenty of reasons to dislike <i>DmC</i>, but - and this is without playing it - there are also a lot of reasons to <i>like</i>&nbsp;it. It at least provides a visceral (if shallow) hack and slash experience which creates, if nothing else, the illusion that the player is pulling off incredible feats of skill. For those who found the original <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;games too difficult, this one lets them pull of visually impressive, high-ranking combos with relative ease. To dispute that such a thing is enjoyable is to be an utter moron. Sure, it's not what <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;is all about, but it <i>is</i>&nbsp;an acceptable and oft-used approach to action gaming. Whether you like it or not, you can't throw off that other people like it, either.<br /><br />The story, though. The new Dante! The plot isn't glamorous, sure - it can even be a little pretentious at times - but it does tell an effective, character-driven tale about a singular, unwitting man being dragged into a holy war that doesn't concern him. And isn't that a staple of <i>Devil May Cry</i>, really? All the Bill O'Reilly stand-in junk... the demons controlling the world through soda... the whole concept of Limbo" (very <i>They Live</i>-esque)... I mean, yes, alright, it's all on the very <i>very</i>&nbsp;fringe of what you'd accept from a <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;game. But it's not <i>poorly</i>&nbsp;told by any stretch of the word. Is it perfect? No. Far from it. But it's neither a step backwards nor a step forwards for the series, all said and done.<br /><br />As for the new Dante himself? I've gone on the record - I don't like him at all. But people that <i>do</i>&nbsp;like him? They like him for a reason. He's much more human than the character has ever been; less cartoony, and more (arguably) like a real person. His apathy is definitely a bit jarring, but people have found a way to find this reincarnation as <i>more</i>&nbsp;funny than before. They might be interpreting a degree of irony not intended by the creators of the game, though - I'll fully cop to that. It doesn't change the fact that he is, on many levels, enjoyable as a protagonist. Is it the same level as before? Oh, lord no. Not by a long shot. ...who cares, though, huh?<br /><br />In the grand scheme of things, let us never forget that <i>DmC Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;is but a footnote in the history of <i>Devil May Cry</i>. This series has endured four titles - at least two of them insanely popular. It's kind of normal for a series, at this point in it's lifespan, to branch out. I wouldn't have been surprised if they had developed a multiplayer brawler of some kind. Or a goddamn kart racer, <i>Jak and Daxter</i>&nbsp;style. At any rate, no matter how popular and well-liked <i>DmC</i>&nbsp;is, Capcom have gone on the record saying there's a very good chance there will be an in-house <i>Devil May Cry 5</i>&nbsp;at some point. When that happens... will you still be bitching about <i>DmC</i>? Will this Western-developed quasi-prequel be of any offense to you in a few years' time? Hell. In a <i>month</i>&nbsp;will you even care? Platinum-developed <i>Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance</i>&nbsp;is on the horizon; that will at least satiate your need for properly good hack and slash games, hmmm? And assuming it doesn't. Assuming every other <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;game is&nbsp;derivative of the Ninja Theory reboot. What have you lost? The <i>Devil May Cry HD Collection</i>&nbsp;still exists. <i>Devil May Cry 4</i>&nbsp;is there. You've <i>got</i>&nbsp;four considerably good games, at least two <i>great</i>&nbsp;games, in the <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;series. No-one will ever take that away from you. Don't <i>let</i>&nbsp;anyone take that away from you.<br /><br />Now then.<br /><br /><br /><h3>To the Detractors of&nbsp;<i>DmC Devil May Cry</i>'s Detractors</h3><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mCPMZAx0BXQ/UQ-jrKG6elI/AAAAAAAABnQ/wVvgQCea7pA/s1600/wallpaper_devil_may_cry_4_06_1920x1%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mCPMZAx0BXQ/UQ-jrKG6elI/AAAAAAAABnQ/wVvgQCea7pA/s400/wallpaper_devil_may_cry_4_06_1920x1%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>You guys, eh? Now obviously I don't mind that you like the game, alright? What I <i>do</i>&nbsp;mind is your utter indignation in not accepting that <i>DmC Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;is a massive middle finger to everyone who both loves and respects the series. It's an insult. Perhaps not an insult on the level of, say, <i>Syndicate</i>&nbsp;or the proposed <i>X-COM</i>&nbsp;first-person shooter, but definitely one comparable to <i>Deus Ex: The Invisible War</i>, or <i>DOOM 3</i>. I don't know if you've ever been a fan of something that was changed on a near-fundamental&nbsp;level for seemingly erroneous reasons, but it is far from a pleasant feeling. You feel pretty dejected, and your dejection inspires anger.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>But if you can't&nbsp;sympathize&nbsp;with devout <i>Devil May Cry </i>fans - possibly because they seem a tad nuts - you can look at the facts. <i>DmC Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;is objectively - and I say that, <i>objectively</i>&nbsp;- an easier game than the original games. It's got far less depth too, and is less meticulously balanced. I won't say if that's a better or worse thing, but it probably leans towards worse. I mean, Christ, it's a series that has made its devoted fanbase by <i>being</i>&nbsp;excruciating&nbsp;(and&nbsp;rewarding) in its difficulty - having a low barrier to entry combined with a staggeringly high skill ceiling. And, really, there's no reason why <i>DmC</i>&nbsp;couldn't have done the same fucking thing.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>There's ample evidence that, all said and done, Ninja Theory are really not the kind of guys you'd give to handle a technically-minded, hardcore hack and slash series to. With Capcom distancing themselves creatively from them, I think it goes to show that, for whatever Ninja Theory did right in making <i>DmC</i>&nbsp;their own, they equally did wrong in providing an experience that oldcomers to the series would genuinely appreciate. Sure, that's what a reboot is <i>supposed</i>&nbsp;to do. ...but it's the way the game is presented, especially by its creators, that makes it truly an insult. The lead developed, Taneem, is quoted often times saying he really doesn't care what old fans of <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;think. Perhaps a valid response to personal criticism, but then you go ahead and put it scenes like the now infamous mop-landing-on-head one; where Dante rejects his predecessor's look by pffft-ing and muttering "not in a million years" (subtext: TAKE THAT YA WHINGING FANBOYS)... how are you supposed to interpret that, as a fan? A loving jab? No, you take that as a sign that Ninja Theory probably genuinely thought they were improving - fixing - the <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;formula. What a joke.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and Dante. Look. I know some people are pissed he has black hair. And if they are then call them a twat. Some people hate the new character (when compared to "classic" Dante) for actual, legitimate reasons. I, for one, understood it that Dante was <i>supposed</i>&nbsp;to have a steely exterior and a soft, emotional,&nbsp;nougat center. It's in the title, right? <i>Devil May Cry</i>? The penultimate quote of <i>Devil May Cry 3</i>&nbsp;is "even a devil may cry when he lost a loved one". Dante was a silly, energetic and cocky asshole... because deep down inside he was torn between heaven and hell. That's the whole point of making his character a sarcastic, quip-filled, eccentric and, if I do say so myself, lame-ass motherfucker. So they could strip it away and reveal that he is more human than devil.</div><div><br /></div><div>The new Dante could approach that. Now he is torn between heaven and hell because his father was a demon; his mother, an angel. That's not a bad jumping off point. But you gotta admit, guys, whatever they tried with Dante just didn't work. The way they made sure you knew he was conflicted was to have him be insufferably cocky and <i>rude</i>. Rude! The old Dante was never <i>rude</i>, he was carefree! The new Dante approaches a situation by swearing violently at it for a few minutes while he does whatever it is he does. And, y'know, you could appreciate that as humour ironically, or sarcastically, but looking at Ninja Theory's back catalog it seems increasingly more likely that they were being completely, stone-faced serious. If that was their intention, they failed at that.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z8CxEr-ajwQ/UQ-k_UV-TLI/AAAAAAAABno/5LcFZVSo2HQ/s1600/devil-may-cry-dante-193198%5B2%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z8CxEr-ajwQ/UQ-k_UV-TLI/AAAAAAAABno/5LcFZVSo2HQ/s400/devil-may-cry-dante-193198%5B2%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Really, the biggest to remember is that <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;has always had two core tenants of appeal - flawless skill-based hack and slash gameplay, and an enjoyable and light-hearted character to be around in Dante, that complimented the otherwise bleak and Gothic-inspired inspirations of the environments and design. And <i>DmC</i>&nbsp;trod over <i>both of those things</i>. It may have pulled out some big guns of its own - the combat is retooled to make it so much over to look cool. And the environments are pretty as hell - Limbo is an excellent concept for a videogame world (though I'm pretty certain <i>Bayonetta</i>&nbsp;already did it). The motion capture acting and voice performances are, forgiving the blemishes in the writing, pretty damn great, and there is an audaciousness to the game that is rooted in <i>reality</i>&nbsp;that can make it seem more outlandish than previous entries. ...but the gameplay isn't anywhere near as technical. And the characters aren't anywhere near as goofy, fun or memorable. To sum it up in one word - <i>DmC</i>&nbsp;is shallow. It's a shallow imitation of a franchise that less than five years a go was kicking in <i>extremely</i>&nbsp;strong. There's no doubt that it isn't worthy of the <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;title, and there's no denying that the people who are pissed about it are rightly so.</div><div><br /></div><div>And here I think is something that really gets me. There aren't a lot of games like <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;left, eh? Sure, there's <i>Bayonetta</i>&nbsp;<i>2</i>&nbsp;on the horizon and <i>Metal Gear Rising</i>&nbsp;is shaping up, but all said and done... <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;was its own beast. There is a very real threat to <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;aficionados&nbsp;that the success of this shallow reboot will make it that <i>Devil May Cry 4</i>&nbsp;was the last game they'll like in the series. The idea that a game they passionately love could, as they know it, be dismantled and laying dead on Ninja Theory's floor? How can you not sympathize? Yes. Yes it is paranoid, but goddamn it, you'd expect them to stick up for you when Valve reveals <i>Half-Life 3</i>&nbsp;is going to be a rail shooter, you better at least <i>try</i>&nbsp;to stick up for them when <i>Devil May Cry</i>&nbsp;is distilled to its mere face-value elements.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>"You today, me tomorrow." That's a mantra I like to live by. Even if you love <i>DmC</i>&nbsp;- and why shouldn't you, it's a damn entertaining game - you can still take a step back and appreciate the idea that it's a middle finger to the fans of the originals. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Same as you'd encourage them to understand why you love it, <i>you</i>&nbsp;should understand why they <i>hate</i>&nbsp;it. ...that's all, I think, that truly needs to be said. Those arguing both sides... you're both wrong<i>, </i>the lot of you, and I hope that this <i>DmC</i>&nbsp;debacle teaches you a thing or two about, not just subjectivity over one element... but videogames, a multimedia format&nbsp;ostensibly, people like and hate different elements <i>of</i>&nbsp;them for different reasons. So the lot of you, get off your high horses, because in many ways, you're all right.</div><div><br /></div><div>But in a much more primitive way, you're all fucking wrong.</div><div><br /></div><div>And with that, I'm done with this goddamn <i>DmC</i>&nbsp;debate. <b>Forever.</b> If you need me, I'll be in my trailer an- <i>ohhh nooo the demmoons smashed up my trailleerrrr!!1!11</i></div></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-27902455676915239262013-01-21T05:11:00.001-08:002013-07-18T07:33:38.465-07:00Bad Game Night: "Judge Dredd: Dredd vs Death"<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><i>Why aren't garbage games regarded as highly as garbage movies? People gather around their televisions to partake in Troll 2 and The Room, not just because they're ironic hipsters, but because, despite their glaring faults - or because of their glaring faults - the films are wholly entertaining. Surely this is also the case with games? Andy intends to find out. This is a <b>Bad Game Night</b>!</i><br /><i><br /></i> <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowFullScreen='true' webkitallowfullscreen='true' mozallowfullscreen='true' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/EvLnK0kOUh4?feature=player_embedded' FRAMEBORDER='0' /></div><br />I dare you to watch the video above - a fan-cut video showcasing <i>Judge Dredd: Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;- and not think that it could possibly the greatest videogame ever made. Go ahead, watch it. Go on. ...seriously, mate, the rest of this article won't make any sense without that video for context. So go on. I'll literally have gone nowhere by the time you get back. I am static text on a website. I can do nothing but wait for you. Y'done? Good.<br /><br />Now, I'm going to level with you, because after watching that you're likely frothing at the mouth and trying to find a copy of the game. You've probably thoughts running through your head for what the game is: Dredd Nukem! And... okay, look, this game ain't <i>that</i>&nbsp;bad, but re-adjust your expectations. The game is not as good as that trailer makes it look. Not by a <i>long</i>&nbsp;shot. And I need to tell you that because, for all of <i>Dredd vs Death</i>'s major shortcomings... I think the game is <i>better</i>&nbsp;than that trailer makes it look. B-b-b-... <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdhhQhqi_AE">AWAAAAH?</a><br /><i></i><br /><a name='more'></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P-l7hK5DvnA/UP06goBCTNI/AAAAAAAABkw/Xph73zpzTGc/s1600/judge-dredd-ipad-hd-02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P-l7hK5DvnA/UP06goBCTNI/AAAAAAAABkw/Xph73zpzTGc/s400/judge-dredd-ipad-hd-02.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;is a first-person shooter courtesy of Rebellion. You may know Rebellion. They own all of <a href="http://www.2000adonline.com/">2000 A.D.</a><i>;</i>&nbsp;comics and games and all. But as a game studio, you'd probably recognize them for <i>Aliens vs Predator</i>, the remake of <i>Aliens vs Predator</i>, <i>Sniper Elite</i>, and that <i>NeverDead</i>&nbsp;thing that you watched <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4JMoOb8748">the trailer of</a> and thought, "this won't be as fun as it looks in this trailer," and then it turned out it wasn't as fun as it looked in that trailer, and you said to yourself, "yep, called it." Remember that day? I remember that day. I bought myself a pack of chips 'n everything to celebrate. It was a party.<br /><br />All credit to Rebellion. For as bad as some of their games end up being - and <i><a href="http://www.metacritic.com/game/pc/rogue-warrior">oh dear god some of their games end up being pretty bad</a></i>&nbsp;- their first-person shooters are always... satisfying. In a shallow way. Rebellion knows, if nothing else, how to craft satisfying weapons that are fun to use and shoot at people. Some of the other design stuff might be questionable, but hey! They're making first-person shooters and they nine times out of ten absolutely <i>nail</i>&nbsp;the feel of the combat. So <i>Dredd vs Death</i>? Totally has that. The guns are heaps cool to shoot 'n everything. Bare bones gameplay, <i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;is completely playable - and sometimes even a little fun! It's the stuff around it that makes it worse. Or, if you're me, elevates it to being possibly one of the best first-person tie-in games ever made ...take your pick.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cgSnsb6AQmU/UP0wyWqvfXI/AAAAAAAABjQ/Vo1VGDwwpv0/s1600/2013-01-21_00004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cgSnsb6AQmU/UP0wyWqvfXI/AAAAAAAABjQ/Vo1VGDwwpv0/s400/2013-01-21_00004.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;stars a kindly superhero called Judge Dredd. His name may sound scary, but don't worry - he's basically harmless. He cares for the sick and the poorly, and stands up for justice wherever a corrupt system may crush the little guy. ...nah. Just kidding. He's a soldier in a tyrannical, self-perpetuating police state and he's a corrupt asshole who will lock people away for life if they so much as look at him funny. Our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen.<br /><br />Well, such a protagonist might be sort of uncomfortable if this was in any way related to the <i>real</i>&nbsp;world. Luckily, <i>Dredd vs Death </i>takes place in a surprisingly well-realized comic book world - Mega-City One. You might know Mega-City One from the Judge Dredd comics, or one of the two Judge Dredd films, but I can guarantee you you've never seen a Mega-City One quite like the one in <i>Dredd vs Death</i>. The vistas can be stunningly beautiful, there's no doubt about that, and the cartoonish visuals hold a great amount of charm to them, but that's all a moot point. No, <i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;is the only version of Mega-City One I know of that is populated wholly by The Muppets!<br /><br />...this may be a cheap shot, and perhaps a misguided cheap shot since I actually like the art style implemented in <i>Dredd vs Death</i>, but the way characters mouths flap up and down in lieu of lip synch just... they're puppets. They're puppets! Being manipulated by <i>strings!</i>&nbsp;That's all my brain says, and it's hilarious, but it really does make it hard to take the game seriously. The first mission you're tasked with arresting several perps - easy stuff, all you have to do is yell at them until the kneel over and the cuff 'em and send 'em off to the Iso-Cubes. But instead of arresting all the law-breakers... man, you'll just arrest <i>everybody</i>. And you can arrest everybody.<br /><br />It's actually particularly inspired. The comedic&nbsp;styling&nbsp;of <i>Dredd vs Death </i>aren't lost on me, oh my no! When I first arrested a fat person who was just standing still, the sentence Dredd gave them was <i>obstruction of public space</i>. I just arrested a person for being fat. Oh yes. There's all sorts of proper things you can arrest people for - possessing a weapon, spraypainting, vandalizing stuff, assaulting you, shooting you (even if it's in self-defense, mind) - but it's always more entertaining to arrest people for breathing too loud, or for walking too slowly. It's rather enjoyable, for the first level!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3-eAM8TaPpk/UP0zQ1FyLNI/AAAAAAAABjo/8sLgHeNiccA/s1600/2012-12-22_00001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3-eAM8TaPpk/UP0zQ1FyLNI/AAAAAAAABjo/8sLgHeNiccA/s400/2012-12-22_00001.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Then the second level happens. It's a lot less open than the first level, which was rather open and spacious and you could arrest people all you wanted. Also, the game sends in vampires - essentially zombies - who run at you and hit you with melee attacks. And they aren't fun to engage in gunfights with, and also you can't arrest them for ruining popular culture in <i>Twilight</i>. You can't arrest them at all!<br /><br />The game undoes itself in the space of a <i>single level</i>. It's phenomenal. I've never seen a game so promising lose all its promise so fast.<i>&nbsp;</i>Mind you, the shooting is still fine, but you start to notice how unbalanced your arsenal is and you can't arrest people for being too fat and all you're doing is shooting at monsters now. I don't like it! <i>I don't like it!</i>&nbsp;...look, game, you were so close to being <i>genuinely good</i>&nbsp;at the start. You're undoing ALL of that good will in your <i>second </i>level?<br /><br />And that, I think, is where <i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;ends for most people. The first level is completely entertaining. Hilarious (on purpose!), clever level design, tight gunplay where you get to use <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawgiver_(Judge_Dredd)">the Lawgiver</a> set to&nbsp;incendiary&nbsp;and set perps on fire for contrived, barely justifiable reasons. The second level is a linear corridor shooter with increasingly weakening humour and a bunch of uninspired enemies. Done. <i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;was a great concept, spoiled almost immediately, and you should forget it ever existed and maybe if you're curious pirate it and play the first level. Done and dusted. Let us never speak of it again.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r4VjtPqr-DA/UP01AcUlNoI/AAAAAAAABkA/RycgjMr1xUc/s1600/2012-12-22_00004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r4VjtPqr-DA/UP01AcUlNoI/AAAAAAAABkA/RycgjMr1xUc/s400/2012-12-22_00004.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Bah! You fools! Obviously this isn't the case or I wouldn't have it you with the M. Night Shyamalanananananana <i>plot twist</i>&nbsp;in the opening paragraphs. Yeah, that <i>Dredd vs Death Best Game Ever </i>video that made <i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;seem so much goddamn fun? Yeah, this game is <i>better</i>&nbsp;than that. This game is perhaps the greatest&nbsp;artistic&nbsp;achievement of the past three decades. This game is, with exception to <i>Deadly Premonition</i>... the best worst game I have ever played. Why? <i>Why??</i><br /><i><br /></i>How do I say this without coming off as an elite, big word-using literary snob?<br /><br /><i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;is... the pinnacle... of pointlessness and superfluity.<br /><br />...yes.<br /><br /><i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;is a game that so&nbsp;exemplifies&nbsp;inanity by the way of pointless and superfluous features - all of which, while lending to a game that is poorly designed and paced and rests on the laurels of its restless plot and decent gunplay, is still so goddamn <i>fun</i>. I mean, I said before how you can use the Lawgiver, Judge Dredd's amazing gun that can be switched between modes like incendiary, explosive, ricochet round, armor piercing... but outside of the brief tutorial, you are never once asked to use anything but default ballistic rounds. You <i>could</i>&nbsp;use explosive rounds and blow up everyone and yourself in the process, but shooting people in the head with bullets is faster, right?<br /><br />I was impressed at first by the way the game only handed out a secondary weapons - a shotgun and a sniper rifle. It was a little constrictive, but hey, it made sense, right? If you're having weapons in a game may as well make sure they all serve a purpose, right? ...but then once the game begun I found myself loaded down with pistols. And submachine guns. And less good shotguns. And it's like... I have a gun, that is <i>five</i>&nbsp;guns, and you're giving me more guns?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bqgclqhciS4/UP04KpPH86I/AAAAAAAABkY/tN1QbowYNUE/s1600/2012-12-25_00001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bqgclqhciS4/UP04KpPH86I/AAAAAAAABkY/tN1QbowYNUE/s400/2012-12-25_00001.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />And the arrest system. You <i>could</i>&nbsp;arrest every criminal. But you don't really get any bonuses for doing so - though some mission task you with taking perps in a live - but a lot of the time you can just kill them. Just kill them! Why arrest them when you can kill them? Why use the shotgun when you have a pistol that is also a rocket launcher? Why do it at all? <i>Because. That's why. You do it because.</i><br /><br />Almost by complete accident, <i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;has simultaneously set itself up for being one of the crummiest first-person shooters ever... and a magical playground in which you are Judge Dredd and you get all the weapons and you can arrest guys and yell at vampires. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judge_Death">Judge Death</a> shows up - damn straight, he's in the title! - and he's a ghost, and he needs to find a body. Sweet! You can punch people in the face and they say "Dredd. Stop that." Awesome! You get the Lawgiver and can use ricochet bullets that don't ricochet off of things for shit. Amazing! Truly if there is a king of arbitrary yet entertaining and&nbsp;disparaging&nbsp;gameplay elements, it would be<i>&nbsp;Duke Nukem Forever, </i>because no-one told 3D Realms that people who play first-person shooters don't care for playing dumbed-down virtual pool or needlessly well-made virtual pinball. But <i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;would be close behind, I bet!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-88rl6ewur68/UP092bt5LdI/AAAAAAAABlI/XmqhdmXx5TY/s1600/2013-01-21_00005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-88rl6ewur68/UP092bt5LdI/AAAAAAAABlI/XmqhdmXx5TY/s400/2013-01-21_00005.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i><i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;is excessive without providing any depth; a rhyme without a reason, a song without a tune. You know in <i>Half-Life 2</i>&nbsp;how, at the very start, you could walk through and enjoy the story being told to you in a flawlessly designed environment, soaking in the&nbsp;oppressive&nbsp;atmosphere and churning around the mystery of what is happening in City 17 over and over in your head... <i>or</i> you could throw old Chinese food containers at NPCs and giggle wildly as the grumble at you to just "stop that"? Yeah, that's <i>Dredd</i>. It's throwing Chinese food containers at the NPCs. It's a game giving you fun toys but is not <i>quite</i> sure what it wants you to do with them, so you end up buried underneath enough toys to make your own damn fun. It's a game that is self-conflicted and is fun to play without having anything fun to play <i>in</i>. ...and... well... there's a demented genius in all that. If you must walk through a collapsing structure, it'd be irrefutably more entertaining to do so while wearing a party hat and blowing on a streamer and stuffing your face full of cake and being showered with confetti for completely erroneous reasons, hmmm?<br /><br />So you know what? <i>Dredd vs Death</i>? From an objective standpoint? Crap game. Not completely irredeemable - it can be funny, it can be satisfying, but as far as level design and player leading and just overall the driving force behind making you want to progress through the levels? Yeah. I dunno. It's either absent of intelligence or just Rebellion is so smart none of us have caught onto them yet. But if you're okay with having a game that is merely fun to play <i>with</i>, rather than play <i>in</i>... well... <i>Dredd vs Death</i>&nbsp;lives up to the hyperbole. It is an entertaining game, it just doesn't come in a package that is overall entertaining. But who cares, in the end? For a measly $5 on Steam, you get a marginally well-written, occasionally superbly-written, decent-looking and passably entertaining first-person shooter. Also, for no reason, there's co-op. So that's good fun too if you have a friend to share with. In summary: bad game, good game <i>stuff</i>. What's the word. Not gameplay. Not game feel. Not... eurgh... eh. Fuck it. I'm gonna go arrest a fat person for taking up public space. After all:<br /><br />I<i> am</i> the law*!<br /><br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">*not really</span></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-20431950157949802132013-01-14T02:56:00.001-08:002013-07-18T07:33:50.916-07:00Operation Nostalgiaway: "Super Mario 64"<div><i></i><br /><div style="display: inline !important;"><i><i>For years, Andy's Nintendo 64 - the first console he had ever owned - had been kept down at his family's old beach shack, so everyone down there could have a fun rainy day TV fun machine. But then the Wii came along, and no-one wanted to deal with cartridges and wires and blowing the dust off of things! So now Andy has his N64 and all its games back in his house, and we can commence the replaying of all his childhood favourites with the critical, cynical eye on adulthood can bring with...&nbsp;</i></i></div><i></i><i></i><br /><div style="display: inline !important;"><i><i></i><br /></i><br /><div style="display: inline !important;"><i><i><i></i></i><br /></i><br /><div style="display: inline !important;"><i><i><i><i><b>Operation Nostalgiaway!</b></i></i></i></i></div><i><i></i></i></div><i></i></div></div><i></i><br /><div><i><i><br /></i></i></div><i></i><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FMqYB0ukiHI/UPPkAmg8KhI/AAAAAAAABhY/5zhT7Id91M4/s1600/4948-krmenlljej%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="276" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FMqYB0ukiHI/UPPkAmg8KhI/AAAAAAAABhY/5zhT7Id91M4/s400/4948-krmenlljej%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>So. I'm an adult now - legally, anyway - and I have quite fond memories of my childhood. I really do! And, well, most of my childhood involved playing videogames. The first console I ever owned was a Nintendo 64, which I shared with my brother, and I played all the classics. Like <i>1080° Snowbaording. </i>And <i>Cruis'n USA. </i>And the <i>A Bug's Life</i>&nbsp;videogame. Also, though, not hilarious titles, like <i>Super Mario 64</i>, <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>, and <i>Super Smash Bros.</i>&nbsp;...oh, fine, one more hilarious one. <i>Mission: Impossible</i>. That one is utter garbage, eh.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you don't know what "nostalgia" is, then for god's sake, pick up a dictionary and learn some English words you dirty foreigner! ...ahem. Anyway, it's rather obvious that all my bright memories of <i>007: The World is Not Enough</i>&nbsp;and <i>Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire</i>&nbsp;is blinded by nostalgia for the days when I wasn't a pube-bearded, glasses-wearing, socially-maligned and vulgar-mouthed asshole. Which is why, I think, it would make a very interesting experiment indeed to play through the games I have really fond memories of because I was a cute little kid and not a cynical, detail-obsessed, grumpy old goof. The experiment commences now. This is Operation Nostalgiaway; enjoy it, folks! Cos I may just be ruining my entire childhood in the process...</div><div><br /></div><div>The first game I'm going to posthumously revisit is <i>Super Mario 64, </i>the dodgy tree sprite-riddled 3D debut in the <i>Super Mario</i>&nbsp;franchise, and featuring the first polygonal moustache that didn't have spaghetti spilled on it. Mama-mia!<br /><br /></div><div><a name='more'></a><h3>How I Felt Then...</h3></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WI1oFBiN9o0/UPPeLs9k-DI/AAAAAAAABgU/T4P69prlQIk/s1600/503c209c92d6b%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WI1oFBiN9o0/UPPeLs9k-DI/AAAAAAAABgU/T4P69prlQIk/s400/503c209c92d6b%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;and me have a strange relationship. Back in the Nintendo 64's prime, it was an elusive bugger; my two most pertinent memories of it include it being too expensive for me to buy, and almost playing it at a friend's house but the cartridge was busted so we just stared longingly at it pretending that we were playing it. No, no, I wasn't a street urchin! I had plenty of games to play on the N64, and we rented games for it often! <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;just so happened to be just out of my - our, even - reach. Every time we got close, it was one step ahead.</div><div><br /></div><div>Far as I know, it was some time <i>since</i>&nbsp;the initial "HOLY CRAP I NEED TO PLAY THIS GAME" period that we actually happened across <i>Super Mario 64</i>. Playing it was like a dream. I remember the game being full of wonderment; a massive castle to explore, worlds trapped inside paintings, a giant lizard man to swing around and throw into bombs... it was like a fairy tale! <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;was filled with possibilities, filled with fun and adventure, and every time I looked up at Peach's Castle I thought I AM ENTERING A MAGICAL REALM HERE. <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;was surreal to me.</div><div><br /></div><div>Then <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>&nbsp;came along. And <i>Super Mario 64</i>, well shit. It can go fuck itself. <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>&nbsp;had that same fairy tale wonderment, only, the combat was actually satisfying. And the scary level was actually scary (save for the goddamn piano, alright, <i>that</i>&nbsp;was scary)! And... and the bird! He's walkin' around on his little legs! And you can shoot eggs out of its mouth and <i>butt! </i>Yeah. Fuck you, <i>Super Mario 64</i>! There's a new sheriff in town, and its name is Buzz Lightyear! ...I mean <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>!</div><div><br /></div><h3>...How I Feel Now</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SjB2Fahklr4/UPPdGx_SOhI/AAAAAAAABgI/j7dpzaOSyxM/s1600/super-mario-64-head%5B1%5D.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="276" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SjB2Fahklr4/UPPdGx_SOhI/AAAAAAAABgI/j7dpzaOSyxM/s400/super-mario-64-head%5B1%5D.png" width="400" /></a></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>It is strange. I feel there must have been some time when I played <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;and thought, "god, this game is nowhere as good as I remember it." I reckon it was when I was a teenager and hated everything that wasn't <i>Grand Theft Auto</i>. That seems about right. Anyway, I do recall I launched up <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;and said to myself that the platforming phsyics handled like arse, because I started playing it just now and I'm like, what you talkin' 'bout, this platformin' be <i>tight!</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>That's what strikes me about <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;out of the gate. Man, Mario handles incredibly well. His jumps have a weight to them that is more impressive than I could possibly recall, and the way he runs around and does his flips and such... it's incredibly satisfying. Also, while the muddy 3D graphics are muddy in the way that N64 graphics just are, they are much better than I remember. I recall that Mario looked like a broken assortment of jagged polygons that barely resemble a man - as far as what's represented on-screen... he doesn't look half bad.<i>&nbsp;</i>I can tell he is Mario, and that is more than I remember it being.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, yeah. So far, the handling of the character feels good. It's loose enough to feel like actual jumping, while tight enough to have decent control of Mario's assortment of moves. And running around the castle overworld, there's definitely a charm to just <i>playing</i>&nbsp;this game that I never comprehended before. Then I stepped into a level. ...oh, no.</div><div><br /></div><div>Ohhh noooo.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ybsXx1DiPe0/UPPe3fEfveI/AAAAAAAABgo/ItAH_fDx328/s1600/Mario64%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="302" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ybsXx1DiPe0/UPPe3fEfveI/AAAAAAAABgo/ItAH_fDx328/s400/Mario64%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>...there is no denying it. <i>Super Mario 64</i>'s levels are... they're sort of a mess. They can be expansive at times, and they're fun to run around in, but I get the feeling that Nintendo wasn't really quite so sure how to make 3D platforming levels. ...well, since it's their <i>first</i>&nbsp;attempt, I suppose that makes sense, but there is a... frustration to the way the game approaches risk/reward that is notably absent from almost every 3D platformer that follows.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>In 2D platformers, the key element in risk/reward is your precious time. When you fall down a pit in <i>Super Mario Bros.</i>, you are sent back to the beginning of the level to try again. The reward comes from collecting coins that may be in hard-to-reach areas that, once you collect 100 of them, gives you an extra life. This extra life lets you fall down more holes so you don't lose all your lives in one go like some kind of <i>loser</i>&nbsp;- when you do lose all your lives, you have to start the game from the very beginning. It's pretty simple - you fall, you start over. Nintendo obviously tried to take a similar approach with <i>Super Mario 64</i>.<br /><br />Thing is, <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;takes place in a fairly consistent, 3D world. The Power Stars you collect aren't end-level rewards like the castles you take back in the original <i>Super Mario Bros.</i>, they're really just another form of coin, scattered like a scavenger hunt around the level. <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>&nbsp;approached this by making their levels like little open-worlds, where each Jiggy (Star) is hidden in a certain place on that open map, or is rewarded when you solve a puzzle. Nintendo didn't have the foresight to predict that <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>&nbsp;was going to do it like that and to preemptively rip them off, so they didn't. Instead, most of <i>Super Mario 64</i>'s Stars are perched atop high things.<br /><br />The risk is that if you fall down you have to climb back up.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pKZnElVAqLA/UPPfJNbYWqI/AAAAAAAABgw/I48vMx13X7o/s1600/N64_Super_Mario_64_whomp_fortress%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="290" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pKZnElVAqLA/UPPfJNbYWqI/AAAAAAAABgw/I48vMx13X7o/s400/N64_Super_Mario_64_whomp_fortress%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>This is one of the most frustrating approaches to difficulty I have ever seen. It seems like Nintendo taking their 2D sensibilities into the 3D plane, but it means that your loss of progress is much more immediate - and much more heartbreaking - than simply "going back to the beginning". No, it outright <i>hurts</i>&nbsp;to watch Mario plummet off the edge of a tower as you helplessly hit the A button to see if he can't save his fat little arse from intermittent failure. It's nowhere near as painful to just die and lose a life - no, that actually has a fairness to it. You've lost progress, sure, but there's actual indication that something bad has happened. <i>Super Mario 64</i>'s failure states come from the kind of lost progress, the kind of loss of time that is just... it's hard to sit through.</div><div><br /></div><div>When Mario falls into lava, he grabs his little bum-bum and screams out as he is thrusted upward uncontrollably from the heat. When Mario is crushed by a falling rock, he is squished and walks slowly for a while as his body springs him back up to normal. When he hits the edge of a wall, he is stun-locked for a bit as he sits, spinning his head in a confused daze. It might not seem like much, but combine it with falling off of cliff edges and having to scale the large structures all over again... there's so much of <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;that is nothing but climbing structures. Maybe 60% of the levels are large structures that need to be climbed. Mountains, or the insides of clocks - hell, even just the overworld is a castle which you're making your way to the top of. Some levels take place on a horizontal planes, and they're the most fun, but when you've got a 3D game about jumping, the vertical element becomes more obvious than on a side-scrolling 2D plane. You can't really ignore it.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>The best levels in <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;explore that more <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>&nbsp;flavoured puzzle solving element, but they are, unfortunately, far and few between. Nintendo were pioneers, let's put it that way, and it shows that they were, for how clever they were as designers and artisans and craftspeople, exploring territory that was a new frontier for them, an undiscovered country. Needless to say they stuck their great big "Nintendo" flag into a few spots of ground where they would later discover Crab People lived underneath; Crab People who would come up from the ground and drag us underneath, and eat our bones. Nintendo didn't know that when they made it! They had been making Mario platformers in 2D, now they had to do it in 3D! It was the start of something beautiful, but made giant smears on its own face, and became uglier for it. Speaking of ugly. N64-era textures. ...that is all.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-saEE3Xeh5OU/UPPfWryMHgI/AAAAAAAABg4/AJCrfBxQuQE/s1600/Super-mario-64-screenshot-lakitu-cameraman-big%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-saEE3Xeh5OU/UPPfWryMHgI/AAAAAAAABg4/AJCrfBxQuQE/s400/Super-mario-64-screenshot-lakitu-cameraman-big%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>...and then there's the camera. That goddamn camera.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>It's something that is often ignored nowadays, because the idea of a "camera" in a 3D space just seems obvious. But when you think about it... there is absolutely no easy way to go about it. The way a camera works in a 3D game will directly influence level design and the way the game feels to play, and <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;is directly influenced by its camera in that the camera is <i>shit.</i>&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>It's one of VERY few games where the camera is merely a first-person view of an entity that is actually in the world - a lakitu, sitting atop a cloud with a camera on a stick, filming Mario from afar. There's a section of the game where there's a mirror where you can see it very easily. Point is, that object that is in the world gets stuck on other objects in the world, like walls and ceilings. OH.<br /><br />And it makes sense... if the camera can go through walls and objects then that just makes no sense, right? Games since <i>Mario 64</i>&nbsp;have shown that, yeah, well, the camera can and should go through level geometry. Not in <i>all</i>&nbsp;cases, sure, but the idea of a camera seeing <i>through</i>&nbsp;walls is what makes most camera systems in 3D games actually possible, especially the ones that are directly controlled by the player. You have such minimal control over the camera in <i>Super Mario 64... </i>it really just go to multiply the frustration of the frequently poor level design and approach to risk/reward.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-87cVgCF2FvU/UPPf7Q9eixI/AAAAAAAABhA/zj5UEyAm2xQ/s1600/Super%252BMario%252B64%252BBig%252BBoos%252BHaunt%5B1%5D.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-87cVgCF2FvU/UPPf7Q9eixI/AAAAAAAABhA/zj5UEyAm2xQ/s400/Super%252BMario%252B64%252BBig%252BBoos%252BHaunt%5B1%5D.png" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>In a word? Frustrating. <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;is an archaic frustrating mess so frequently. It has great ideas, and some of them hold up pretty well, but it's just so obvious that this was something that had yet to have the crinkles ironed out. A lot of the stages in <i>Super Mario 64</i>&nbsp;are giant cubes in which Mario can swim or fly around, hunting for items that are out of the N64's view distance's reach; directionless rooms filled with items to collect, no real grounding. ...and that matches pretty much what I thought of <i>Super Mario 64</i>. A surrealist dreamworld, that's for sure. It's just it plays about as well as a surrealist dreamworld <i>would</i>&nbsp;play - that is to say, not very well at all.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh well. I still love <i>Super Mario 64</i>. As I said, the actual platforming <i>physics</i>&nbsp;are satisfying as hell. It even looks decent enough - it has ugly textures and polygons, sure, but no denying it has a charming cartoon-esque style regardless.&nbsp;It even has a monkey which steals Mario's hat and you have to chase it around, and that's damn cute. Damn cute! Adorable as hell. But when you keep falling down the cliff and having to run back up, your time's been wasted, and Mario doesn't have a hat so it looks weird, and I don't blame you if at that point you turn of the N64 and stop playing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, Yoshi shows up, but you don't even get to play as him. <i>What the fuck.</i><br /><br /></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-8154481170839733282013-01-08T05:14:00.000-08:002013-07-18T07:34:03.069-07:00Review: "Thomas Was Alone"<b style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Cubist Colony</b><br /><h3 style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; margin: 0px; position: relative;">Review for&nbsp;<i>Thomas Was Alone&nbsp;</i>(PC)</h3><h4 style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; position: relative;">1-player puzzle/platformer,&nbsp;<i>Developed by&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/mikeBithell">Mike Bithell</a></i></h4><div><i><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Za-9Y2VZzXQ/UOwEbrB8r7I/AAAAAAAABec/gAB0fnvvlR0/s1600/Thomas+Was+Alone%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Za-9Y2VZzXQ/UOwEbrB8r7I/AAAAAAAABec/gAB0fnvvlR0/s400/Thomas+Was+Alone%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />When a game called <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;opens its blurb with "and then he wasn't," you know you're in for a treat. Before you're even playing it, <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;provides both a dry wit and a tongue-in-cheek, self-aware charm. What it doesn't hint at, however, is that there's a deep, emotional core buried in <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>. I think.<br /><br />Y'see, <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;is one of those minimalist platformers that has you (well, <i>me</i>, at any rate) digging for a deeper meaning. Digging for something that you're convinced the game provides. So minimalist and open to interpretation is <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>, that it definitely convinces me there is, at least, something <i>to</i>&nbsp;interpret. It's one of those art games - and it is an art game, make no mistake - that provides hints at meaning without being overtly pretentious in presenting it to you. So,<i>&nbsp;</i>fair warning - <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>, for how delightfully presented it is, may actually not be as deep as I think it is. That's exactly what I like about art, though - not everyone sees the same thing in any particular work. With that in mind - let's see what <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;provides for those who will only look for what's there, and then maybe later I'll get into why I love it so much, not just as a videogame, but as <i>art</i>.<br /><br />...won't <i>that</i>&nbsp;be thrilling, boys 'n girls?</div><div><br /><a name='more'></a><h3>Meet Thomas</h3><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jckutHCmWtg/UOwDDXrmMXI/AAAAAAAABeA/LWNY8msUAB8/s1600/picture-12_22577.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jckutHCmWtg/UOwDDXrmMXI/AAAAAAAABeA/LWNY8msUAB8/s400/picture-12_22577.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />Thomas is a small, red rectangle. He lives in a world that is made up solely of other rectangles. The edges of his world are solid black, the background of his world sticking to single-colours with maybe a few patterns if it's feeling fancy. In other words - this game is as extremely minimal as you can get for a game (that's in colour, anyway).&nbsp;...despite the lack of detail in the visual presentation, the aesthetic is very clean and stylish, and there's even dynamic lights 'n all casting shadows against the world. It is a beautiful look, but it is also stark.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>You'd be surprised, then, to hear that <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;spins a rather compelling tale. Almost <i>Bastion</i>-esque in its sublime simplicity, the story is told solely by a single narrator. Unlike the narrator in <i>Bastion</i>, though, who is a strong, steely-voiced man whose eyes have seen more than his mind should be able to comprehend... <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>'s narrator is a bumbling, dry-witted type. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbCcWb7Hwlg">Wheatley's voice</a> in <i>Portal 2</i>&nbsp;isn't a bad comparison to make, but really, <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>'s narrator strikes a unique middleground between Wheatley's stupidity, and the more gentle, matter-of-fact tones of a man reading aloud a fairytale. The voice is provided by Danny Wallace, who, if you recognize him, you'll do so for his role in the <i>Assassin's Creed</i>&nbsp;series as <a href="http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/wiki/Shaun_Hastings">Shaun Hastings</a> (who is, incidentally, the only character I actually like in that series who isn't Ezio).<br /><br /><h3>Meet Thomas' Friends</h3><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EyJSU5AkWlo/UOwFRiWE28I/AAAAAAAABek/xPzowT5Kkvo/s1600/ss_60eb235e73b8030607392244f036f8922cb42913.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EyJSU5AkWlo/UOwFRiWE28I/AAAAAAAABek/xPzowT5Kkvo/s400/ss_60eb235e73b8030607392244f036f8922cb42913.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />So. What kind of story does <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;tell? A story of two-dimensional polygons, mostly. Thomas is the main character - a red rectangle. He starts off alone, thus the title. He then meets Chris, who is an orange square. And John, who is a tall oblong. And Claire, who is a much larger, blue square. And... so on, and so forth. The narrator&nbsp;expounds&nbsp;to us the personalities if these two-dimensional objects. Thomas likes taking notes of his surroundings, and is generally astute; Chris can't jump very high, so he's infinitely jealous of all the other cuboids in his&nbsp;vicinity;&nbsp; John can jump incredibly high, and he is thus a smug, yet helpful hand who decides to assist Thomas and Chris in their journey; Claire is a much larger square, who at first talks lowly of herself, but, upon learning she can float and not die in the deadly acidic water, decides that she must actually be a <i>superhero, </i>and so vows to save all the much smaller cubes by helping this cross bodies of liquid.<br /><br />It's rather charming. Dialog between the characters is read like that in a children's storybook by the narrator. Y'know, like, "'I'm Thomas,' says Thomas, greeting Chris," and so on, and forth. It's retardedly simple, but there's no denying it <i>works</i>, perhaps better than it did in <i>Bastion</i>. <i>Bastion</i>&nbsp;revealed its narrative through its narrator - in <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>, everything that's not level geometry is revealed by the one voice, and its written so smartly that you'll hardly notice. Everything, from the world, to the intimate characters dynamics, to what exists outside of Thomas' world - it's all conveyed by the narrator, only basic&nbsp;geometrical&nbsp;shapes and a few particle effects ever greeting your eyes. And yet, it's all completely flawless. Hell - eventually you'll come to know the little coloured shapes by name. You'll start to actually feel attached to them. To <i>care</i>&nbsp;for them.&nbsp;That's quite an achievement in storytelling, there. But I'll save that discussion for later.<br /><br /><i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;is a simple proposition - it's a 2D puzzle/platformer with differently sized characters who are suited to different tasks. You play them all at once, or in various combinations, in each level, switching between them at will and using their unique sizes and abilities to get them all to the level exit. You start of with just Thomas, who can jump reasonably high. Then you get Chris, who can't jump as high, so you have to use Thomas as a stepping stone; but, he's the smallest of the playable characters, and so can fit into tighter spots than the taller Thomas can. Then there's John, who can jump astronomically high, but is very tall. Using him, though, you can create stairs for Chris (by parking him next to Thomas), and... yeah, that's basically it.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-l2hBrInrS7o/UOwH8xT0_fI/AAAAAAAABe4/hIenIxaLaVU/s1600/ss_8f81598dd2955d8662df83628a1f3626ffaaa559.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-l2hBrInrS7o/UOwH8xT0_fI/AAAAAAAABe4/hIenIxaLaVU/s400/ss_8f81598dd2955d8662df83628a1f3626ffaaa559.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />There are seven different sized, shaped and coloured polygons to play with, and they all compliment each other in extremely interesting ways. The rooms are designed so that each little shape has to support each other. For example, Chris might need to squeeze through a tight spot to hit a button so Thomas can jump to the exit. Or, Claire might need to act as a boat for the other cuboids to stand atop of to sail deadly water. It's always interesting, but rarely, it is downright&nbsp;exhilarating. I don't want to give away all of the quadrilateral's powers, names and personalities, but there is one who is exactly the same as Thomas <i>except</i>&nbsp;that his gravity is flipped - he "falls" towards the ceiling, not the floor. So, you can jump Thomas into him and they'll keep themselves held in mid-air, allowing you to float in some circumstances. Learning I could do this is what we in the industry call "totally fucking awesome," and it made be squee in utter delight.<br /><br />The levels are all tightly designed, but leave quite enough room for there to be multiple solutions to the puzzles; the platforming isn't <i>quite</i>&nbsp;as solid as I'd have hoped, but it's beyond merely functional and the physics are satisfying as all get-up.&nbsp;They levels are also all adequately unique; every time you even slightly start to feel like you've come to grips with the tools you've been given, more elements are introduced, and once all elements are introduced, they start to get mixed and matched in very interesting ways. As the plot progresses and you get to grips with the characters, you'll start to feel attached to the world, the plights of the characters, and to their powers and your use of them. You'll slip into it like a glove, and once you're slipped in, once you're comfortable with the whole rigmarole, you'll be adequately challenged with new techniques to surprise yourself in learning. This is something core to the game's philosophies - but, as I said before, I'll save that for the end.<br /><br />The soundtrack is also freakin' amazing. Composed by BAFTA award-winner&nbsp;<a href="http://thomaswasalone.bandcamp.com/">David Houdsen</a>, it's a wonderful mix of videogame-inspired chiptune-esque beeps and boops, accompanied by a heartfelt and solemn emotional core driven by piano, strings, soft brass and other overtly melodic sounds. It's touching and heartfelt all on its own, and lends more gravity to the "alone" part of <i>Thomas Was Alone </i>than if the game went without it. The game wants to you know how important its soundtrack is, mind - there are only two opening logos at the game's start-up. One is for the developer. The other is for the composer. So yeah, make sure you have your earholes open when you play <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>, cos it's rather an enjoyable score.<br /><br /><h3>Polygone</h3><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FuHJ3G_gVfU/UOwIqHiNN9I/AAAAAAAABfA/LPzTLHdITUE/s1600/ss_73e40e9d0fb3e79c4c83384f84615b86a14b0dc5.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FuHJ3G_gVfU/UOwIqHiNN9I/AAAAAAAABfA/LPzTLHdITUE/s400/ss_73e40e9d0fb3e79c4c83384f84615b86a14b0dc5.1920x1080%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />I mentioned Wheatley before, and <i>Portal 2</i>&nbsp;is a fairly good comparison to make when talking about what disappoints me most about <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>. You know in <i>Portal 2</i>&nbsp;how, just as each puzzle element starts to feel like its culminating in a satisfying climax, the difficulty curve dips harshly and you're made to learn another element? This had two effects. For one, it made the game varied and interesting at <i>every</i>&nbsp;turn. There was always something new, there was always a new toy to play with. For two, it meant you never felt&nbsp;<i>pressed</i>. You learned the techniques, but you were never truly put to the test with them. This made for a game that was incredibly fun to play, but was, at least for a puzzle game, not as satisfying as it should have been. <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;does the same thing.<br /><br />The elements in <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;are fun to play with and discover. The characters and the way they react are all diverse and enjoyable. It's an <i>entertaining</i> puzzle-platformer. But very rarely does it actually go so far as to be so laterally complex that you will feel challenged. That's fine, feeling overwhelmed sucks! But I really did feel that the game could have gone that extra mile in some spots. There are plenty of "fuck yeah!" moments when you beat a tricky puzzle, but they are in short supply, and once the game is finished, you'll be left wanting more. Unlike <i>Portal 2</i>, however, there aren't any co-op levels to visit. There aren't any challenge maps, or user-made levels. Alas, everything shipped with <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;- that's ten worlds each with ten two-minute-ish levels - is what you get: the experience lasts a little over three hours. The asking price is reasonable - $10, easily worth it for fans of the genre at that price and, as a Steam game, once it ends up on sale it'll be a must-buy - but that doesn't matter when, once the credits start rolling... you feel like there should have been <i>just</i>&nbsp;a bit more. Not a LOT more! That's the thing! What's there is all great, the problem is that it's <i>too great</i>, shows too MUCH potential, that it's odd that there isn't, say, a World 11 with super-hard maps. Once the game introduces the idea that it will interchange between all the shapes - or, better yet, give you all seven to use at once - it really does open doors inside your head for what real advanced levels could look like. Then the game doesn't go there.<br /><br />There are secrets to collect in the form of hidden collectibles across each level, and that'll keep completionists happy for a while I suppose, but it's still disappointing. Not so disappointing that I'd mark the game down for it, but disappointing enough that it's still a major point of contention for me. I loved the feel of playing this game so much. And with little replayability and not a lot else to go through... well... it left me craving more. Hopefully, we'll get more content in the future, whether it be via a sequel or DLC. Unfortunately, I don't think the developer left it open for that. And thus we came to what I'm sure you've all been very much looking forward to. A little talk about <i>art!</i><br /><br /><h3>We Have To Go Deeper</h3><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hd807ihWUtg/UOwJ4-puReI/AAAAAAAABfg/qufkdsu0Jek/s1600/675526_20120627_screen008%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="203" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hd807ihWUtg/UOwJ4-puReI/AAAAAAAABfg/qufkdsu0Jek/s400/675526_20120627_screen008%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />If you don't enjoy "art games". If, for example, <i>Braid</i>'s message was lost to you (not just the pretentious text screens, I mean the idea that it was <i>about </i>anything at all). If <i>Call of Duty 4</i>'s nuke sequence didn't make you think, "aww, I got blasted by a nuke. This is really depressing. Damn, nukes are bad, eh?" but rather made you think "AWW RAD AN EXPLOSION I FUCKIN' LOVE EXPLOSIONS," then stop reading here, give the game a three out of five and close the browser. If you like it when games tackle narrative in interesting ways, keep reading, cos I'm about to do a bit of dissecting.<br /><br /><i>Thomas Was Alone</i>&nbsp;takes place inside a computer system. The little cubes are revealed to be AI programs that have spontaneously appeared and developed self-awareness. ...already the game offers up subjects from the get-go that are thought-provoking in their own right - loneliness, friendship, interpersonal relationships, self-awareness, self-sacrifice, what it means to be "alive". Hell. There's even a bit dealing with unrequited romance in there, just for good measure! It's all tackled deftly, of course - Danny Wallace's soothing narration attends to make sure that it's never so blunt or so in-your-face that it makes the game outright pretentious - but the game has a maturity to it that not many other games, indie or not, lack. This extends to the characterization - all the characters are not only well-defined, but interact in a realistic manner. And it must be said, the way all the character traits hook into both the character designs <i>and</i>&nbsp;the way they play is something else. Of course! Of <i>course</i>&nbsp;the tall yellow one is the humble high-jumper. Of <i>course</i>&nbsp;the little orange red square is the jealous, naive one. Of course! That makes such sens- ...wait. I'm talking about shapes. Coloured shapes. ...oh, but of <i>course</i>&nbsp;the flat one that lets people bounce on her is nervous of people using her then&nbsp;not going back for her! Of <i>course!</i>&nbsp;Of co- THEY'RE SHAPES. ...I don't know how they do it. It's magical.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jbiFpyDFpGI/UOwLZM6mDNI/AAAAAAAABf0/WrKHktQQgUo/s1600/thomasWasAlone(PC%2520REVIEW)%25202012-07-07%252017-19-10-07%5B1%5D.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jbiFpyDFpGI/UOwLZM6mDNI/AAAAAAAABf0/WrKHktQQgUo/s400/thomasWasAlone(PC%2520REVIEW)%25202012-07-07%252017-19-10-07%5B1%5D.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />It comes to a head, though, where you realize how steeped the game is in allegory. The AIs are "players" in a "game" that is&nbsp;ostensibly&nbsp;being designed for them on-the-fly. It hints at the fact that the system attempting to control them - faced up by an ominous black cloud that eats AIs, purportedly some kind of anti-virus - isn't trying to outright <i>stop</i>&nbsp;them, but rather to build up based on their skill levels. To be <i>just</i>&nbsp;out of their reach, to make them learn. In other words - it's Game Design 101. It's why Eggman doesn't just design a level full of spikes, or Bowser doesn't just hold Mario's face down into the lava until his moustache burns off. They're stand-ins for the game's developers themselves, and in <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>, it allures to that school of game design in a particularly self-aware way.&nbsp;It's subtle, make no mistake - blink and you'd miss it - but it is there.<br /><br />And once that clicks, you start to think about what everything means. It was an especially enlightened moment when I was talking to myself about how amazing it was that they had breathed so much character into pixels. Like, "huh, pretty neat they made me actually <i>care</i>&nbsp;about the fate of just... just a bunch of polygons on a screen." Then I said, "wait. That's what <i>every</i>&nbsp;game does." ...I sat for a minute. This game... <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>... it's about videogames. It's about the player. It's about the way they're designed. It's <i>about</i>&nbsp;the tricks they use. The narrator's not just there because he lends character to the characterless colour lumps! He's there because the game is <i>about</i>&nbsp;lending character to characterless colour lumps! There is something genius about the game, the story its telling, and the way it's told. The fact that it is actually genuinely effective - coming out of <i>The Walking Dead,</i>&nbsp;I wasn't expecting it to make me feel almost as much for these characters as I ended up caring about them - is masterful in itself, but the message behind makes spectacular use of subtlety and suggestion. It's not mind-blowing, but it's not pretentious and in-you-face, either. It's weaved into a compelling narrative in its own right, which serves to drive forward a compelling puzzle-platformer&nbsp;in <i>its</i>&nbsp;own right. But what it <i>does</i>&nbsp;do is elevate the game and story to much more impressive heights. Consider me... impressed.<br /><br />If I had to pick one word to describe <i>Thomas Was Alone</i>, it would be... understated. This encompasses both its best and worst bits, make no mistake. If you're confident you'll enjoy a puzzle-platformer with unique, interesting one-player co-op mechanics, it's very much worth a look, but if you encouraged and you're a fan of smart videogame narratives - surprisingly smart - then this game should <i>definitely </i>cement itself firmly on your radar. Check it out, it's clever as hell and funny and witty and charming and yet it's deep and artistic and other positive buzzwords, too!<br /><br /></div></div></div><div><div style="text-align: right;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-097OeiyL8iA/UOwCMfArtXI/AAAAAAAABd0/0bomiN5d0ok/s1600/4+stars.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-097OeiyL8iA/UOwCMfArtXI/AAAAAAAABd0/0bomiN5d0ok/s1600/4+stars.png" /></a></div><b style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-style: italic; line-height: 18px;"><br /></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-style: italic; line-height: 18px;"></span><br /><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></b><b><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></b><b><span style="font-size: 15px;">Recommendation:</span>&nbsp;</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">Filled with charm, fun and character despite a stark and minimalist art style, its real accomplishments lie with a deep, well-written and witty narrative that both keeps the flow of the game going while you're playing it, and makes you keep thinking about the game once you've stopped. If you're confident that'll all wash over you, mind, feel free to detract a star. Everyone else - definitely consider picking this up. It's only $10, what's to lose?</span></span></div></div></div><div></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-10990306017636616352013-01-04T00:06:00.000-08:002013-01-04T00:22:38.653-08:00TWENTY THIRTEEN FOR ANDEH PLEHS GEHMZ<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mtIUZgFVd3k/UOaNONrNA-I/AAAAAAAABdg/FTFQzmaGDbY/s1600/dunshootpls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mtIUZgFVd3k/UOaNONrNA-I/AAAAAAAABdg/FTFQzmaGDbY/s400/dunshootpls.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Greetings, sirs and madams and various and others! I've decided I'm gonna get back into this whole "blogging" thing. As you've probably completely not noticed, I haven't been posting many reviews, or videos, or much of any content, really. And that's probably really sad for the at least one of you who actually care! (I have no solid numbers on if anyone actually reads this crap. I have pageviews, but you don't actually have to do any <i>reading</i>&nbsp;for that to count. So for all I know you lot just click on the links all over the website then close your browser down without even reading a single word. Hell, for all I know none of you can read a lick of English and just admire the layout of foreign shapes and letters arranged in a pattern, unaware of either the content or the intention behind them, or, say, whether or not I'm even forming <i>sentences</i> and words and not just unknowingly slapping letters down onto Blogspot like&nbsp;yogurt&nbsp;splattered against the inside of a microwave like that one time when I microwaved yogurt for the purposes of this joke.)<br /><br />Anyway, the point is, I want to actually schedule content for this place. It's a New Year, I want to get experience writing stuff done, so what better way to fulfill such a wish than by actually maintaining this little corner of the internet that is my home away from Steam? ...well, actually doing some proper fiction writing, for one... or trying to get a job for a local newspaper in some kind of rudimentary journalistic position, two... oh wait. I'm sorry. I answered my own rhetorical question. Ahem.<br /><br />But the point is that I have severely neglected this place - which is some sort of heinous crime <i>somewhere</i>&nbsp;in the world, probably - and I am going to stop doing that neglect thing. Starting off with a schedule. And, in the interests of a) remaining transparent, and b) wasting time by putting up a mere shred of content, I shall tell all of you reading this right now what that schedule is. It's not a very complicated schedule, but it is a schedule nontheless and I shall do my best to stick to it! So, without further adieu, here's a bunch of words I typed that make up the backbone of a severely underwhelming plan.<br /><a name='more'></a><br /><br />EVERY MONDAY<br />On Mondays I will write words about whatever. It might be part of a "series" of articles, like that Let's Play<a href="http://andyplaysgames.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/andys-free-to-play-mmo-corner-champions_15.html"> I attempted to do</a> but didn't finish because the game I tried was bad. It might be a link to <a href="http://andyplaysgames.blogspot.com.au/2012/09/andy-plays-games-episode-1-you-are-bacon.html">one of my Youtube efforts</a>, with a bit of a description about what it is and how I did it and other behind-the-scenes bullocks. It might just be <a href="http://andyplaysgames.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/why-future-of-gaming-scares-me.html">an opinion piece about a videogame-related current event</a>. It might be bullshit like what I'm spewing now! ...oh, who am I kidding. It <i>will</i> be spewed-out bullshit like what I'm... now... what... do... and... ...so on, and so forth. Regardless: you will take it and you will <i>enjoy</i>&nbsp;it. Ya lil' rascals.<br /><br /><br />EVERY WEDNESDAY<br />On each and every individual Wends Day there's gonna be a <i>review!</i>&nbsp;Of a <i>videogame!</i>&nbsp;I have <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uRlKej-d5Gs/ULCEFeqi9PI/AAAAAAAABac/iCBy677wuwc/s1600/5+stars.png">little .pngs of stars arranged from one to five</a> to indicate overall quality! I have a template for the top of the reviews so I can copy and paste it for a uniformity to the look of the reviews! I'm <a href="http://steamcommunity.com/id/comixinc/games?tab=recent">playing games all the time</a>, so I'll probably find something I can talk about and pretend like I'm judging it for a few paragraphs. They might not be recent games, they might just be retro games I've been balls-deep in, they might be recent releases <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ebGuKeuT_0">like <i>Max Payne 3</i>&nbsp;and <i>Bionic Command Rearmed 2</i></a>! They <i>will</i> be reviews of <i>games</i>, though! Every Wednesday! And that, I can assure you, is <i>not</i>&nbsp;a guarantee!<br /><br /><br />EVERY FRIDAY<br />And finally. Every Friday I will go back over the week that is past, and look at, like, <a href="http://steamcommunity.com/id/comixinc/games?tab=recent">Steam hours played</a> and my <a href="https://live.xbox.com/en-US/Profile?gamertag=AndyMcAwesome">Xbox LIVE history</a> and use my brain, and talk about the stuff I've played and done that week! I'm gonna call it... like... <i>Save State</i>! Or... <i>Checkpoint!</i>&nbsp;Or... <i>Andy Talks About His Week F'r A Bit Now So Sit Down 'n Read It Ya Scamps! </i>Really, this is just because I play many games that I don't get around to actually<i> finishing</i>, which is a shame, because I can't half-heartedly review them and still maintain what little integrity I have left. But I still wanna talk a bit about them! So I'll just do that! ...plus, it'll be neat to collate my thoughts about games in a Blog-type fashion. Turns out my professional reviewers keep notes about what they've played and their opinions <i>while</i>&nbsp;playing them? ...so when they're done they have quick reference to how they were feeling at certain times without having to second guess their own opinion! ...that sounds like a lot of work, but definitely sounds helpful! So this is my version of that. A lazy excuse to post more words disguised as content.<br /><br /><br />...that's it. That's the schedule. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, there's some kind of stuff posted. Go write that down in the RSS feed reader that is your stringy, fleshy human brain and get back to me next week, y'hear!<br /><br />Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-87653237127294084282012-11-24T00:30:00.000-08:002013-07-18T07:36:34.255-07:00Review: "Hotline Miami"<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Welcome to Another Vice City</b></span><br /><h3 style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; margin: 0px; position: relative;">Review for&nbsp;<i>Hotline Miami&nbsp;</i>(PC)</h3><h4 style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; position: relative;">1-player action/puzzle,&nbsp;<i>Developed by <a href="http://cactusquid.blogspot.com/">Dennaton Games</a></i></h4><div><i><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-c1MKNSDDDTw/ULBtRjXIJ4I/AAAAAAAABY8/2PSQC7JH_TU/s1600/wallpaper_hotline_miami_01_1920x1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-c1MKNSDDDTw/ULBtRjXIJ4I/AAAAAAAABY8/2PSQC7JH_TU/s400/wallpaper_hotline_miami_01_1920x1200.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />There's something to be said for the kind of game that can truly get its hooks into you. From the very title screen of <i>Hotline Miami</i>, its rubbing your skin preparing to pierce - the psychedelic colours, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtS1ovgsYAQ">the dreamy soundscape</a>, the utterly captivating bobbing Russian title text, and the bizarre 16-bit-esque pixel aesthetic. Less than ten seconds in, you hit "start game," and&nbsp;<i>Hotline Miami</i>&nbsp;has its rusty, bloody hooks in your arms. All it has to do now is to pull firmly and gently. You now belong to the <i>Hotline Miami</i>.</div><div><br />The tutorial is adequate as a way of teaching you the basic controls, but what it does better is to establish the tone of this dark, unbelievably violent videogame. An unseen man barks instructions at you as you smash men's skulls in with a baseball bat, the surroundings - a dimly lit, murky basement - concealed of their true terror though the captivating, and often times trippy, faux-16-bit art style. The background flashes slowly through several gradients of gaudy colours, the screen wobbles back and forth like you're drunk (or high), and there's a very subtle film-grain effect that creates the illusion that you're viewing the whole thing through a busted VHS player. In other words - its the 80s, baby, viewed through the murky rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia, but recreated from memory, resulting in a setting that is both wholly authentic and unsettlingly <i>off</i>.<br /><br /><a name='more'></a><h3>The air is getting slippery</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FmjaPsPytT4/ULBujAGbzoI/AAAAAAAABZE/Zq_21eW90rk/s1600/1245_hlm4%5B1%5D.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FmjaPsPytT4/ULBujAGbzoI/AAAAAAAABZE/Zq_21eW90rk/s400/1245_hlm4%5B1%5D.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><br />I'm instantly reminded of <i>Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. </i>The loading screen in particular conjures up those peculiar images that Rockstar pulled from <i>Miami Vice</i>, <i>Magnum P.I.; </i>fluro-pink sunsets, palm trees by the shoreline, and music that is on the fringes of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy3CVP_LlAk">both disco and electronica</a>. The difference between <i>Hotline Miami </i>and <i>Vice City</i>, at least tonally, is that <i>Vice City</i>&nbsp;was, despite being overtly violent, light and playful, while <i>Hotline Miami</i>&nbsp;has all the brilliant depravity of a Michael Mann movie. It has all the brightness and charm of a boop-filled 80s videogame, but underneath it is a pervasive sense of tension - underlying darkness and grit.<br /><br />Actually, if pressed, I'd say the most impressive thing by far about <i>Hotline Miami</i>&nbsp;is its atmosphere of intense&nbsp;foreboding. This is a game all about unrepentant murder, a game in which knives slit throats and arterial spray coats the walls, where faces are smashed apart by bricks and where men are strangled to death mercilessly with thumbs jammed in their eyes at the same time; its all hidden under a pixel art aesthetic which makes it seem relatively harmless, but there's just enough reality and lack of sureness that you will likely, at one point, feel terribly uncomfortable at some point in play. If its not the fact that these horribly violent and planned murders have (seemingly) a lack of motive; hell, if not for the fact that the flashing colours and bobbing motion of the levels may have you start to feel slightly motion sick, it'll be because the story folds out in such a way that will have you unwittingly questioning your actions <i>all the time</i>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OvZShEdMrE0/ULBuuMdY7kI/AAAAAAAABZM/QBf7fR5L5vo/s1600/Hotline-Miami-Intro%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OvZShEdMrE0/ULBuuMdY7kI/AAAAAAAABZM/QBf7fR5L5vo/s400/Hotline-Miami-Intro%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />You're confronted, right out the gate, with three men wearing animal masks, sitting in your apartment. With absolutely no context, they tell you that you have done awful things, speaking in nightmarish rhetoric, and, after judging you relentlessly for a few brief moments, they kick you out, and - with music in the background that&nbsp;<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJNuN7_vSAk">sounds like only the most disturbed of The Residents' back catalogue</a> - you wake up out of your bed as if it was all a dream. Then your character answers the phone, is told to go and kill some people. Not names or occupations, just a location and the instruction to kill the people in said location.<br /><br /><h3>Cool and Unusual Punishment&nbsp;</h3><br />The atmosphere is truly impressive, make no mistake, but a game without gameplay is like a book without words. <i>Hotline Miami</i>&nbsp;merges the foreboding, the sinister, and the unsure feeling with gameplay that is utterly brutal, and unbelievably fast. In essence, it is a game where you have to enter a floor of a building, and kill everybody on that floor. Most all opponents can be taken down in one hit. The catch - so can <i>you</i>.<br /><br />It becomes the kind of bastard son of a puzzle game, a rhythm game, a stealth game and an action game. Enemies are predictable, and you view all the action from top-down, so its easy to root a path through a particular place and have decent knowledge that everything will be in exactly the same place at the same time. The difficulty comes in the fact that you have to remain unseen and unheard, or the enemies will come for you - and they are <i>quick</i>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-l-YZXjpxNKE/ULBu-c-134I/AAAAAAAABZU/UXM41bCPHlA/s1600/Hotline-Miami-Gamescom-1%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-l-YZXjpxNKE/ULBu-c-134I/AAAAAAAABZU/UXM41bCPHlA/s400/Hotline-Miami-Gamescom-1%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />The game is legitimately punishing under<i> one</i> circumstance - that you're slow, and unsure. If you waltz into the building, think "oh yeah I'm going to hit this man with a baseball bat," smack him down, and then stand over his corpse thinking, "hmm, what next?" Chances are someone will get a bead on you and a bullet will fly through your squishy head before your thought has even fully formed. Its a lightning pace, but the game can actually be a breeze provided you can match <i>and</i> maintain that pace yourself. ...simpler said than done, but once you're in "the zone," it's a trance-like state where you'll probably feel like you're one step ahead of yourself at all times, and the game will seem&nbsp;<i>easy</i>. Not easy as in its not difficult - oh no, there is a great challenge indeed - but easy as in you will meet those challenges head on and, usually, win. Not unscathed, not without dying and reading the dreaded "R TO RESTART," but your victory will feel utterly decisive.<br /><br />Its a dreadfully satisfying experience, too. Your heart racing, on the edge of your seat, sweat on your mouse hand... you'll truly feel like a <i>winner</i>&nbsp;when you finish a level of <i>Hotline Miami</i>. Stalking the room, identifying enemy locations, and then, quicker than you could have believed you could go, eliminating quickly and cleanly all your foes before they know you were even there? That's a good feeling. The AI isn't intelligent - in fact, it can be as thick as two bricks - but they are relentless, and cruel, and they'll punish any and all indecisiveness. One wrong move and you're dead - the trick is to not letting yourself make that wrong move, and once you're there, once that <i>Hotline Miami</i>&nbsp;headspace is achieved, you will be unstoppable. You will die, countless times, make no doubt of that, but once you're in control, you will be <i>in control</i>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UQDQqPHDOrg/ULBwsbit6vI/AAAAAAAABZc/IpEjv-Q5mA4/s1600/HotlineMiami2_1351632262%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UQDQqPHDOrg/ULBwsbit6vI/AAAAAAAABZc/IpEjv-Q5mA4/s400/HotlineMiami2_1351632262%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Alongside the arsenal of weapons found in the levels - melee weapons, which are instant and silent kills when they connect properly, and guns, which are <i>very&nbsp;</i>loud, and, despite a robust lock-on system, rather unwieldly, but in the right hands can clear entire rooms - are masks. Animal masks, to be precise, worn by the the player character as a disguise, I suppose. There are about thirty of them, ranging from chicken masks to dog and horse heads to chameleon masks, and each has their own unique name and power. For example, if you equip the horse, Don Juan, it makes it so knocking a door into an enemy instantly kills them (instead of merely knocking them out for a brief few seconds). If you equip Paul, the unicorn, it makes guns silent. ...though actually, this could be where the game starts to fall apart.<br /><br />The game is, for the most part, tough but fair. If you fuck up, its reasonably certain it was all your fault, and while the controls entail some elements of sloppiness, they aren't difficult to master by any stretch, so when you get leaped at and mauled to death by a dog off-screen that you didn't see, while frustrating if it's, say, your fiftieth retry, you'll feel happy in admitting the fault lies with you. Its when that dog ignores you and instead, for example, fades through a wall and out of the level barrier and <i>keeps going</i>... that you start to feel a bit cheated. Or when you set up a scenario where, as Don Juan, you can lure enemies over to a door, stand behind it, and repeatedly kill guards as they run to kill you... your victory doesn't feel satisfying, it feels cheap.<br /><br /><h3>It's a Bughunt</h3><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PoWm102KS4g/ULBw56WblXI/AAAAAAAABZk/Sm5oG9wCTMU/s1600/Hotline_Miami_Highballer_4-1024x576%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PoWm102KS4g/ULBw56WblXI/AAAAAAAABZk/Sm5oG9wCTMU/s400/Hotline_Miami_Highballer_4-1024x576%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />You can set up kill rooms, and because the AI doesn't react to corpses of its fallen comrades, you eventually realize that there are maybe twenty or so bodies <i>stacked on top of each other</i>&nbsp;that the patrolmen will completely <i>ignore</i>. So its a buggy game, and one whose systems can be abused to the detriment of the game's carefully tweaked balance. Its not the biggest problem in the world, but I ended up pushing myself to play back through any levels I had "cheated" on, because I felt cheated myself that I could do such things as continually hide behind walls and wait for guards to just blunder past. It becomes harder to set up these sort of scenarios as the game progresses, but that I could at all made me feel sort of guilty. Looking at my unreasonably high scores, the corpses laying on the floor... I had cheated myself out of aforementioned satisfying victory, and that wasn't a very nice feeling at all.<br /><br />Its also not very fun when, for whatever reason, the AI stops walking along its patrol path and heads through a door that it wasn't meant to go through, comes face to face with you, and blasts you. The AI is usually predictable, but there's like one in one hundred situations where it breaks it path, or something snaps in their heads like a wafer, and your well-laid plans are rendered fruitless because you didn't account for something or another happening in the wrong order or what have you. And while thinking on the spot when faced with melee-equipped foes running at you <i>is</i> viable, once a man with a shotgun gets a bead on you, <i>you're dead</i>. Also, while we're on slight annoyances... this is anecdotal, but the game seems to suffer from performance issues on some machines. The developers are working pretty close with the community to iron out issues, but don't expect it to be completely smooth sailing. The game crashed on me several times, but luckily they were just crashes to the desktop without any loss of saves. Its a rarity, but the game is a bit buggy, and moreso unstable; luckily, not so much that its to the game's detriment.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rqouQUq8jLU/ULBxKHpvalI/AAAAAAAABZs/Z925IePARNw/s1600/HotlineMiami-TalkingHeads%5B1%5D.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rqouQUq8jLU/ULBxKHpvalI/AAAAAAAABZs/Z925IePARNw/s400/HotlineMiami-TalkingHeads%5B1%5D.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />Anyway. What will likely happen is, you'll be playing the game - you'll have gotten into a groove, you'll be loving every second, the atmosphere soaking in ...truly appreciating everything it does. Then there's a twist in the story. A twist that suits the rather more dark and foreboding nature of the game. Then there's a few more levels. ...and then its over. You'll flick through the twenty levels you've just finished - you'll find a neat bonus level, and play it, but you'll still leave thinking... is that all? And its not the <i>bad</i>&nbsp;kind of "is that all" - the game is about six or seven hours long, a decent length for a game that sells for less than a tenner. And the "real ending" of the game takes some effort to unlock - the collectibles required to achieve such an ending are literally pixels! But even after that, you'll want <i>more</i>. You'll blink at the menu a few times, convinced there's more buried underneath. The game got its hooks into you, but even after sitting through two credits, its hard to get them out again.<br /><br />There's a decent amount of bonus content to work your way through - thirty or so achievements to unlock, challenges to face, high scoreboards to post to, bonus masks to find. Even deciphering the true meaning behind the narrative will keep you occupied - thinking about who these characters are and what they're doing, its not a game that will leave you easily. And at the end of the day, its atmosphere - the kind that can make you question why you're enjoying such relentless bloodletting - is absolutely superb, in the kind of player-involving way I haven't really seen since <i>Bioshock</i>.&nbsp;Every asset is crafted beautifully, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oaF5fq6vcE">every</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH0gzD1IwGk">song on</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gy6BYH8rvw">the soundtrack</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDgenh7qTEk">is <i>amazing</i></a>&nbsp;- honestly, this game has the best soundtrack of the <i>year</i>&nbsp;from where I'm sitting, and that's no small feat - even the credits screen(s) are entrancing! This game is a masterstroke, there's absolutely no doubt. So its no question why one of the biggest complains I can muster about this game is that <i>there isn't more of it</i>.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uRlKej-d5Gs/ULCEFeqi9PI/AAAAAAAABac/iCBy677wuwc/s1600/5+stars.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uRlKej-d5Gs/ULCEFeqi9PI/AAAAAAAABac/iCBy677wuwc/s1600/5+stars.png" /></a></div><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: right;"><b style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-style: italic; line-height: 18px;"><br /></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-style: italic; line-height: 18px;"></span><br /><div style="text-align: right;"><b style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: right;"><b style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">Recommendation:</span>&nbsp;</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Hotline Miami</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">&nbsp;has it all, with the notable exception of more </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Hotline Miami</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">. And let's get this straight: I demand more </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Hotline Miami</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">. If you appreciate clever design, intense gameplay, and can stomach a hell of a challenge, dive into it, ASAP. In all honesty, this is probably my favourite game so far this year.</span></div></div></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-46194949560545737062012-09-28T00:51:00.001-07:002013-07-18T07:36:43.938-07:00Review: "Borderlands 2"<br /><h3 style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; margin: 0px; position: relative;"><span style="font-size: large;">A Review for Borderlands 2</span></h3><h3 style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; margin: 0px; position: relative;">Review for&nbsp;<i>Borderlands 2&nbsp;</i>(PC)</h3><h4 style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; position: relative;">PC, Xbox 360, PS3 - 1 - 4 player videogame,&nbsp;<i>Out now maybe or not I dunno</i></h4><div><i><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8_7_ENyjgPI/UGVWb5vD5WI/AAAAAAAABXo/SOZeoqQz0Ss/s1600/2012-09-20_00001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8_7_ENyjgPI/UGVWb5vD5WI/AAAAAAAABXo/SOZeoqQz0Ss/s400/2012-09-20_00001.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div>Uhh.... um... hmmm...<br /><br />Yeah, it's pretty good.</div><div><br /></div><div><h2 style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 1em; position: relative; text-transform: uppercase;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b style="line-height: 18px; text-align: right;">★</b><b style="line-height: 18px; text-align: right;">★</b><b style="line-height: 18px; text-align: right;">★</b><b style="line-height: 18px; text-align: right;">★</b><b style="line-height: 18px; text-align: right;">☆</b></span><b style="font-size: xx-large; line-height: 18px; text-align: right;">&nbsp;</b></h2><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"></span><br /><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><b>Recommendation:&nbsp;</b>Yeah buy it I s'pose if you want</span></div></div><br />Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6835150150494135276.post-44810665751808449352012-09-20T07:09:00.001-07:002013-07-18T07:36:59.311-07:00Andy's Top Three Videogame Soundtracks EVARz!!!!!1!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tLEky6ccHxI/UFse6KGrLBI/AAAAAAAABW8/xd9MdZtETnQ/s1600/93942-Paint-Music%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tLEky6ccHxI/UFse6KGrLBI/AAAAAAAABW8/xd9MdZtETnQ/s400/93942-Paint-Music%5B1%5D.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Oh! Hello, internet reader! I see you here are reading these words, with your eyes. That's neat, eh? That's a neat little trick, I suppose. Words I type, people read across the other side of the world. That is very fun. And makes for a good time with us two, eh, internet reader? We have a connection now! For the few minutes you spend reading these words, we two are truly peas in a pod! Isn't that something else, eh?</div><div><br /></div><div>But oh! Oh, internet reader. I am disheartened! Because I'm what we in "the industry" call a... "musician". And while writing out stuff is pretty fun... pretty cool, eh? Eh? It's pretty enjoyable. My real insight comes not from words about videogames, but in music. Music! That stuff that you ingest, not with your eyes - no, no, no, no dear reader, not with your eyes, like a common doodle - but with your <i>ears!</i>&nbsp;Those flappy, invariably&nbsp;erogenous&nbsp;flaps of flesh that funnel in <i>sound stimuli</i>&nbsp;and let you <i>listen to things</i>. Things, for example, like music! And thu-</div><div><br /></div><div>...point is, here's my Top 3 Videogame Soundtracks of all the times.</div><div><br /></div><div><a name='more'></a><b>3. <i>Halo: Reach</i></b></div><div><b><i><br /></i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tiyOE0V-8I0/UFsfgGjYB0I/AAAAAAAABXE/cVVE7IoSt0Y/s1600/2940_85836%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="316" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tiyOE0V-8I0/UFsfgGjYB0I/AAAAAAAABXE/cVVE7IoSt0Y/s320/2940_85836%5B1%5D.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>This will surprise a lot of you. Hell, it even surprises me. But as a composer, a strongly believe in the idea that, more often a not, a soundtrack can outright save a project from mediocrity. The <i>Halo: Reach</i>&nbsp;soundtrack is one such. Let's be honest here: if it weren't for even the original <i>Halo</i>'s score - a now-iconic tribal-choral occasionally-metal anthem to Master Chief's alien world - it wouldn't nearly be as well received as it has been. Martin O'Donnell's masterstroke main theme has been the glue that has held the <i>Halo</i>&nbsp;trilogy together, even through its occasional dips in quality (cough, <i>Halo 3</i>, erm, cough).&nbsp;I often call out <i>Halo</i>&nbsp;for being a repetitive series - the formula has remained essentially unchanged since <i>Combat Evolved</i>. And that's not inherently a bad thing, but by <i>ODST</i>, the formula needed a good shake-up. It didn't receive it in <i>Halo: Reach</i>&nbsp;- I reviewed it and <a href="http://andyplaysgames.blogspot.com.au/2010/11/reach-for-stars-review-for-h-alo-reach.html">decided it deserved a 6/10</a> (that's three stars, since I use stars now cos stars are cool). It was a good game, and very well-polished, but it wasn't exceptional. Its story attempted to pull at heart strings it couldn't quite reach. But I truly believe the soundtrack picked up the slack.</div><div><br /></div><div>From the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB5h5YF__JA">Overture</a>, which features what I won't hesitate to call some of the best brass lines in videogame history, to the guitar anthem <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXgXgsTYV2Y">We Remember</a>, composers C. Paul Johnson, Ivan Ives, Michael Salvatori and Martin O'Donnell have crafted a score that is uniquely <i>Halo</i>, and yet unique for <i>Halo</i>. The influence of the original games' melodies is certainly there, but much like the whole of the game, the music was written with the idea that it wanted to forge its own name, its own atmosphere - one of inspiration, loss, and the birth of true heroes. The difference is, the soundtrack succeeds where, in my opinion, the game failed. I will always remember the brass section in the Overture as one of the most deeply touching passages in the whole of videogame music - one of raw power, raw emotion, and raw humbleness. It's a soundtrack that sums up exactly what <i>Reach</i>&nbsp;wanted to be, rather than what it ultimate was - and is <i>Reach</i>'s most positive asset. I really doubt that <i>Halo 4</i>&nbsp;will be able to continue the musical legacy started by the original trilogy, <i>ODST</i>&nbsp;and <i>Reach - </i>but if it does, I will be listening to it for a long time to come, even if the game doesn't in the slightest enthrall me. I promise you that.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>2. <i>Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts &amp; Bolts</i></b></div><div><b><i><br /></i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-n5qAIMs0Gf4/UFsfsjw5YzI/AAAAAAAABXM/wdshTUxPmvk/s1600/nuts_bolts_ost%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-n5qAIMs0Gf4/UFsfsjw5YzI/AAAAAAAABXM/wdshTUxPmvk/s320/nuts_bolts_ost%5B1%5D.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Let me sum of <i>Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts &amp; Bolts</i>&nbsp;in once sentence: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l69BP1uhlMs">FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT FUCK FUCK WHAT FUCK WHAT FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT FUCK WHAT</a>. I loathe that game. I loathe it! Because I love <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>&nbsp;and <i>Banjo-Tooie</i>&nbsp;so, <i>so</i> much! One of the only positives - arguably <i>the</i>&nbsp;only positive - of Rare's unflinching disasterpiece is that it gave Grank Kirkhope the opportunity - and the budget - to write a modern day <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>&nbsp;score, and it is every bit as amazing as you would imagine. As someone who grew up with <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>'s genius earworms stuck in my head for the majority of my waking hours, I absolutely thank <i>Nuts &amp; Bolts</i>&nbsp;for giving Grank Kirkhope the orchestra to record these songs in a way in which they are truly inspiring - and ask that it take its&nbsp;Lego&nbsp;vehicles and empty levels and fuck off while I give it a listen.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's mostly <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVc7hq32b0Y">Banjo Land</a>'s mixes, if I'll be honest. Hearing the inspired tones of the original two game's scored, rendered in a fresh way, makes my nostalgia gland postulate and tremble with giddy glee. But the score just has a richness to it - it has all the tropes that made Grant Kirkhope so enjoyable to listen to in his days scoring <i>Donkey Kong 64</i>&nbsp;and <i>Perfect Dark</i>. The music for <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>&nbsp;has always been like that of a fairytale, but it's with the full range of sounds that the velvety textures and simple tunes mixed with inventive use of chord progression really comes out of its shell. Much like <i>Halo: Reach</i>, for all the game's shortcomings, <i>Nuts &amp; Bolts </i>deserves to exist for its score - even the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VwYdyxPYFE">very jokey theme</a> for the <i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ox-XyQBn4DM">Hero Klungo Sssavesss Teh World!</a></i>&nbsp;minigame is classically evocative of <i>Banjo-Kazooie</i>'s assortment of magical, catchy-to-a-fault level tunes. Blind nostalgia launches it to the middle of the list, no doubt about that, but the masterful way Grank Kirkhope spins a unique tune is what <i>keeps</i>&nbsp;it there.&nbsp;</div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Nuts &amp; Bolts</i>&nbsp;still sucks, though.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>1. <i>Rayman Origins</i></b></div><div><b><i><br /></i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-j0iUpLr5MoQ/UFsf5KnGiWI/AAAAAAAABXU/Q_nUt0hFMQE/s1600/scaled%5B1%5D.jpg&amp;res=landing" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-j0iUpLr5MoQ/UFsf5KnGiWI/AAAAAAAABXU/Q_nUt0hFMQE/s320/scaled%5B1%5D.jpg&amp;res=landing" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>If I'll be frank, there isn't enough good I can say about <i>Rayman Origins</i>. The game is a phenomenal platformer, a charming game, a witty game; impeccably well-designed and enjoyable from start to finish and back again. What has really captivated me is its score - written by the enigmatic&nbsp;Christophe Héral, the&nbsp;eclectic unique platformer has found itself an&nbsp;eclectic, unique soundtrack. It truly does have something for everyone, whether you like banjo-orchestral chase music, or mosquito-orchestral chase music!</div><div><br /></div><div>...what I think I love most of all about it, though, is its conviction. Platformers like <i>New Super Mario Bros.</i>&nbsp;usually are coupled with scores that don't have any real urgency. The main theme for <i>Super&nbsp;Mario Bros.</i>&nbsp;is a laid-back, semi-jazzy arrangement that, while certainly creates a mood, doesn't create too much of a mood of <i>run left really fast</i>. <i>Origins</i>&nbsp;has a soundtrack which, for better or worse, really does propel the player to move forwards. Despite that, it is incredibly silly almost all the time - from <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPwgcAWCYVc">muted trumpets pretending to be mosquitos</a>, to the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfRM_8hs7Ss">high-pitched lums singing happy songs of happiness</a>, to aforementioned <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kFgQRiCIZ0">banjo chase music</a>... but underneath, is an orchestra full of energy and spirit, one the best male choirs I've ever heard, and a real sense of excitement and adventure in a crazy, crazy world. The compositions are, as I said before, ecliptic, but they're courageous and booming and brimming with true energy, and dignity - despite being sung by high-pitched, screaming insects.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's the uniqueness, though, that makes the soundtrack such a joy to go back to listen to. The variety of themes and ideas present is nothing short of astounding, from <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNYhHJF6IEY">spaghetti western operas</a> to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=675qTLZ9ez4">Spanish dragon chefs singing through their lungs</a>, to Mosquitos buzzing incessantly through trumpets, to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV0MJ4NfW1E">underwater lullabies</a>... it's a soundtrack with a deftness and a confidence; a strong, well-defined feeling that not only hooks straight back into the atmosphere the game wants to create, but also just has fun. Just <i>fun</i>. It is music that is joyously fun to listen to. It's just my favourite right now. For many reasons. Look, listen to it yourself, you lazy sod! You'll find out why! It's just a phenomenal piece of work. I loves it. And if you don't love it, I have to seriously question your taste in music. It's just a fun, crazy, well-written symphony of insanity, and your ears will dig it. Best of all, though - the sequel seems to be <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buXMpy2i4iM">following suit</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Runners-Up</b></div><div>The following soundtracks I adore, but just didn't make the cut in the end. It really is like choosing between children. ...your own children, I mean. Not other people's children. That, I imagine, would actually be pretty easy. Some kids are ugly fucks.</div><div><br /></div><div>-<i>Banjo-Kazooie</i></div><div><i>-Super Mario Galaxy 2</i></div><div><i>-Deus Ex</i></div><div><i>-Team Fortress 2</i></div><div><i>-Kirby's Air Ride</i></div><div><i>-Super Smash Bros. Brawl&nbsp;</i>(cheating, I know, but shuddup)</div>Andyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03615504238991308394noreply@blogger.com6