This is the first time I brought Parmie back to Sban, and she (hmm… he? It? Shim? Okay nevermind, she then) is very excited!

But something was wrong with me. I kept seeing carcasses!

To be precise, I THINK I saw carcasses. Black little bird carcasses, along the road. I almost swore I saw more than 9 dead birds, 5 on the way to cyberjaya, and 4 (or more, im not sure) on the way back Sban. It was weird. There were unusual whopping flocks of birds today, along the highway, from the cyberjaya exit. And the way they flew off was weird.

But the carcasses…

Bird massacre? Heck no, who would have done that?

I think I was just being too tired. You know. It’s just illusion. I have journalism essay due Monday, advertising campaign and 10 ads analysis due Tuesday, A.L.L’s policy assignment due Thursday. I must be too tired. And sleepy. I woke up 4:30am in the morning and could hardly sleep. Oh wait… 4:30am again?

Hey… something must be wrong. I must have been pre-programmed in such a way to perform certain significant task. What did I do? I have no sleep-walking habit. But wait, I might have other sleep-X-ing patterns. Say, sleep-cheesing?

No couldn’t be. I don’t see my smoked cheese slices go mysteriously missing in the fridge.

Then what’s wrong with me? Oh no… could it be.. Schizophrenia?

• Statistics by international psychiatric bodies state that one per cent of every country has schizophrenia. It means, yiah, 250,000 Malaysians would have it.

Lucky me! Merry Christmas!

• The symptoms include hallucinations, delusions, blunting of emotions, difficulty in concentrating or getting thoughts together.

Is that why I cant finish my assignments on time?

• They often hear voices.

Cheeses, what’s with the CW2S and ACW2S conversations?

• They become very argumentative because they are unable to focus on a man point of a statement. Instead, they pick on other insignificant facts because their thoughts are crowded.

But my cheese theories do make sense don’t they??

• They might see small things appear as big as a house or big things like a house appear smaller than them.

So the bird carcasses were actually black sesames? But what are black sesames doing on the high way??

Okay, now I hear you say “Cheesie, go have some rest. You are stressed.”

Guess what?
• Schizophrenia is not caused by stress. Stress just makes it worse.

“NOW U HAVE, NOW U DONT” is used best to describe our JRN210 Media Law module.
(Same goes to the “NOW U HEAR, NOW U DONT” Yahoo audibles.)

Mr EetMeansYiiah told us class had been moved to Saturday morning.

It means, yiah, i have to sacrifice my dance class Saturday morning to attend class.

But it’s okay cuz it means, yiah, Monday will have no class so i can still stay a day longer in Seremban. Mommy misses me!

Then, came Mr Jackyn Victor.. Oops, Justin i mean, who called Mozzie and spread the “Saturday’s class has been cancelled” news. Friends even posted bulletin on Friendster telling every one who is in Media Law class.

Now, Mr EetMeansYiiah called again and say Saturday (tomorrow) class is on.

It means, yiah, my plan to go back and have dinner with ichigo tonight is screwed up.

It also means, yiah, i have to stop typing now because the Freedom of Speech essay for JRN210 is due tomolo.

Okay, it is not fun to play with your caffein intolerance, I’ve learnt.

The first time was 2 cups of chamomile with Annie. And how wrong was I to think that chamomile aids one’s sleep. At least it doesn’t work for me. So I had a battle with insomnia that day.

2nd time. A cup of Café Mocha (summore it’s a SHORT one) with Mozzie in Bintang Ringgits (the Malaysian version of Starbucks) sent me to the Hiao of Insomnia again.

I was having an internal cornflakes, I mean, conflict with myself last night.
This is what Ms CheesieWants2Sleep (CW2S) argued with Ms AntiCheesieWants2Sleep (ACW2S).

CW2S: Go to sleep now!

ACW2S: But I im feeling so hyped up now.

CW2S: What time do you think it is now??? (Points to the clock) 4.30 in the morning!

ACW2S: Well, if you cant beat me, join me! I’m going to switch on the computer and blog.

CW2S: Are you nuts?!?!?!?

ACW2S: Oh, you mean, cheeses!?

CW2S: ……………………..

ACW2S: Let’s get up and have some cheesy stuff. I promise I’ll make you look like an adorable panda tomorrow k!

CW2S: (sighs in speechlessness, and raises white flag.)

Oh, did I mention I had a chessful day with Mozzie yesterday? (No it is not a typo. I meant CHESSFUL.)

Mozzie had an uncontrollable craving for a cuppa in Bintang Ringgits when we walked pass it. And the aroma of toasted coffee bean tempted her to walk in. So considering a short café wouldn’t hurt (which was a terribly wrong idea), we sat down and had chess. Coffee and chess. I was mated (checkmated that is) like, everytime. But fine cuz this is my very first attempt to touch a set of chess after all.

Okay, what are u laughing at now?

Well, that’s because before that I didn’t know chess and cheese are kith and kin lar!

I’m still trying figure out why some guys are so incapable of coming up with creative cheese-up lines nowadays.

I don’t know if this happens to you but I often receive some sms’es from strange numbers which, without fail, read “Hi (or hie, hello), can we be friends (fren/ frens/ a fren, depends on his grammar culture)?”.

Then my reply would be “who (the cheese, depends on my mood) are you?”

Check out their replies.

Type 1“You don’t know me. I just simply sent a message and found you.”

Err, okay. If you’re that free, would you mind coming over and wash my car?

Type 2“You don’t know me. But I just found your number in my phonebook. Mind to intro?”

Are you sure you didn’t get your phone from the snatch-thief who grabbed the handbag of my ex-college mate 2 years ago?

Type 3, which is also the most annoying“You dunno me. Mind to be fren?”

“How did you get my number?”

“I just want to be a fren with u (sic), whats ur name?”

“I asked how did you get my number.”

“I forgot. But im honest person just want to fren u.”

So I decided to save 10 cents and donate to the World Cheese Association for “limburger VS hallucination” research, and ignore this loser who doesn’t even have sufficient brain cells to remember.

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream
“Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look
suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that
you can’t get the damn thing to work. After he/she’s turned it on, wait
5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different
screen than the one it’s set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the “Smurfs” theme song and play it at the
highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something
on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret
Pentagon files.

9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don’t know.

10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

11. Bring a chainsaw, but don’t use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say
“Just in case…” mysteriously.

12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at
everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they’re
crazy while typing.

14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone
agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, “Oops, I forgot.”

16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray
“O pleaseo pleaseo pleaseo please,” and scream “YES!” when it finishes.

17. “DISK FIGHT!!!”

18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps
if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by
hitting the keys with the straw.

20. If you’re sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing “The Lion
Sleeps Tonight” whenever there is processing time required.

21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your
monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain
loudly that women (men) are worthless.

22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it
doesn’t work, get the supervisor.

23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the
smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.

24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done
(two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing
this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

EXTRA from Cheesie:

26. Try to feed the mouse with Kraft cheese slices, then spank it profusely when it doesnt respond. Turn around and tell the person next to you (with a worried expression) :” I think my pet is aneroxic!”