Message Boards

Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Has one method of discipline worked really well for you? Don't keep it a secret - share it with us!

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

Screaming toddler

My son is 20 months old and I can't get him to stop screaming/screeching when he wants something. I taught him to say please and I was hoping that it would replace the screaming. But now he screams/screeches and then says, "please." My husband gets frusterated with him, especially in public and more than once I've caught people staring. How do I get my son to stop the screeching?&nbsp

Hmm, that's a toughie....

My son is 20 months old and I can't get him to stop screaming/screeching when he wants something. I taught him to say please and I was hoping that it would replace the screaming. But now he screams/screeches and then says, "please." My husband gets frusterated with him, especially in public and more than once I've caught people staring. How do I get my son to stop the screeching?&nbsp

Hi. I think that sounds like a toughie. I mean, he is so young still and that makes it hard. I would say whatever you do, don't let him have what he wants when he screams/screeches. That will only make him think that he just needs to keep it up. I would personally take a really close look at what my reaction is when he does it. You know..do you simply say no, do you find yourself giving in sometimes? I really like your idea of having him say please...lol, they are smart little ones aren't they? Now he screams and then says please.

I almost think that this might be a situation where putting him on ignore might be good. I once went to a child psychologist and I remember him telling me when my daughter was having a fit, that as long as she isn't hurting herself, that it is okay to ignore them for awhile just to let them know that what they are doing to seek attention isn't working. You know what? It worked. She stopped throwing fits when she saw that it wasn't giving her the attention she wanted. I hope this helps. Good luck to you!

Hi.....

Hi, Im a 25 year old single mother of a wonderful 4 year old. She is happy, loving and very smart. She has been in daycare since she was 6 wks old so, school is nothing new to her. Just this year she has started Pre-K at a local public school. The first day, the teacher sent home a calender of the entire month. If she is good and does everything she is told then she gets a smiley face on that day. But, if she is bad and disobeyes the teacher, the teacher will write on the day what she had done wrong. She also knows if she doesn't get a smiley face, then she gets in trouble at home. The praising for a smiley face DID NOT work. I have tried gounding her, taking away her favorite toys, and taking away TV and Comp. time. I have tried time out, tried even explaining to her, in a way she understands, this is what you did wrong and this is what is going to happen as a result. I also make sure to be very consistant in reminding her EVERY morn. what she is NOT to do. Here recently after speaking with my mom, I have resorted to spankings. Now this seems to get her attention for 1-2 days but then she forgets and is bad again. My mother also recently told me that I was borderline ADHD when I was growing up and now have full blown Adult ADD Im wondering if this could be part of the problem or if its just me. Im soo frustrated, I don't want to spank her but, this seems to be the only way to get to her even if it is for a short period of time. Any advise is wanted. &nbsp

Hi. Personally, and I know it is hard...but I think I would try to just start bragging like crazy on what she is doing right(not saying you don't, because I don't know), but I think that right now she might be getting too much negative attention. I am saying this to help, not to hurt. Sometimes children continue to show negative behaviour because there is so much negative being shown. If she is getting in trouble at school and then is also getting it when she comes home too...might be a bit much for a four year old to take. Honestly, I would probably show concern when she didn't get a sticker and ask her what she can do tomorrow to do better. Then I would simply say, well, I love you and I know you are a fine little person...then just start bragging like crazy on all of her take home papers. Say,...wow...You have really improved on staying in the lines, this is great. You know, let her know it concerns you, but basically leave that between her and her teacher. Honestly, that is what I did with both of my children. I have a 13 year old daughter and a 7 year old son, and I learned early on that too many no's aren't very good for our children. Remember what Dr.Phil says...It takes 100 atta girls to make up one.. you aren't good enough. I truly believe that when you change "your" behavior that you will start to see a much needed and welcomed change in her.

ADD is of course always a possibility when children don't mind, but I think sometimes these things can be changed by simply making small changes in ourselves. Please know I am not blaming you, but am simply telling you what worked for me. Good luck to you.

This may help

Hi. Personally, and I know it is hard...but I think I would try to just start bragging like crazy on what she is doing right(not saying you don't, because I don't know), but I think that right now she might be getting too much negative attention. I am saying this to help, not to hurt. Sometimes children continue to show negative behaviour because there is so much negative being shown. If she is getting in trouble at school and then is also getting it when she comes home too...might be a bit much for a four year old to take. Honestly, I would probably show concern when she didn't get a sticker and ask her what she can do tomorrow to do better. Then I would simply say, well, I love you and I know you are a fine little person...then just start bragging like crazy on all of her take home papers. Say,...wow...You have really improved on staying in the lines, this is great. You know, let her know it concerns you, but basically leave that between her and her teacher. Honestly, that is what I did with both of my children. I have a 13 year old daughter and a 7 year old son, and I learned early on that too many no's aren't very good for our children. Remember what Dr.Phil says...It takes 100 atta girls to make up one.. you aren't good enough. I truly believe that when you change "your" behavior that you will start to see a much needed and welcomed change in her.

ADD is of course always a possibility when children don't mind, but I think sometimes these things can be changed by simply making small changes in ourselves. Please know I am not blaming you, but am simply telling you what worked for me. Good luck to you.

jamrod(Jeannie)

Hi, I have read what you have wrote and I hope I can help. I am a stay at home dad of 4 children and have been married going on 10yrs. It started with our first using sign language keeping in mind that once we started this we had to continue. It has stayed simple but effective now having 4 children and well discilplined. We had found most of our sign language online using simple words such as no, yes, quit, all done, please, thank you etc. The oldest now almost 8 and the youngest 18months this sign technique is still very effective. Now I know this is not for everyone but this was for us. Doing it this way you must keep it short, firm, direct, while making the sign and giving defination the child after just a few times will understand what you are saying, no yelling or getting loud. The attitude of your child will change in a short time. Let me know if this helps, it is not an over night remidy but you get what you raise.

Things That Worked For Us

I am full time working mom with a 5 year old daughter and 13 year old daughter. My 5 year old has been giving us stress. She is good at school and for the most part good at daycare. She is horrible for my husband and I. She refuses to listen, mean, bossy, and has continuous tantrums. I feel she may be angry, not sure, why. Anyway, we have tried everything timeout, taking away fun things, ignoring her (may not be consistent and I know i have to). I am at wits end. Tried spanking her on the bottom and feel terrible. I want to find other ways to resolve her issues. I hate picking her up from daycare not knowing who she is going to be, nice kid or the mean kid. HELP!!!!&nbsp

I know where you are coming from. I have a 5yr.old son, a 4 yr old daughter, 1yr. old twins, and one on the way. My daughter who is four has been giving us grief since she waws two. She is very smart, very independent, wonderful at school and while playing with friends, but when she gets home around me shw loses her mind sometimes. I dread the days where she is not in a good mood. I use d to think it was because of her diet or some other reason why she would be so bad with me. She does need alot of sleep and if she doesn't get it she can have a tantrum over anything. But I also realized that it is me. I have a lot to do with how she behaves or more importantly how she reacts to things. If I get upset about something, she starts doing her thing. If I respond in a more appropriate tone and use better body language she takes the discipline better and then knows that she can get more positve attention if she just listens and doesn't get upset. I am still working on being consistent, because there are days when I want to just scream! But I need to do something now and get her under control before she becomes a teenager and it gets much harder. Please know you are not alone and just keep trying different things and you'll find which works best for you.

I need advice/ crisis

I have a crazy problem with my son who will be 13 next month. He still wets the bed. I have tried everything I can think of and nothing seems to work. We have had tons of talks and tried different rewards and punishments. He just doesn't seem to care. I thought that maybe it is something medical, but when we talked a few days ago he said sometimes he is too lazy to get up, but sometimes he will wake up wet. I never know which it is and I don't know what to do anymore. We even bought the potty pager and tried it, but he would take it off in the middle of the night and it would do no good. I would think he would be embarresed or hate the smell of his room, but he doesn't even care. I am at a loss as to what to do....maybe I should take him to a doctor?? If you have any advice, please....&nbsp

same problem

I have a crazy problem with my son who will be 13 next month. He still wets the bed. I have tried everything I can think of and nothing seems to work. We have had tons of talks and tried different rewards and punishments. He just doesn't seem to care. I thought that maybe it is something medical, but when we talked a few days ago he said sometimes he is too lazy to get up, but sometimes he will wake up wet. I never know which it is and I don't know what to do anymore. We even bought the potty pager and tried it, but he would take it off in the middle of the night and it would do no good. I would think he would be embarresed or hate the smell of his room, but he doesn't even care. I am at a loss as to what to do....maybe I should take him to a doctor?? If you have any advice, please....&nbsp

Melis&nbsp

your son sounds exactly like mine--i just can not understand why it doesn't bother him either.

he would be embarrassed if any of his friends were to find out, and i would never want to embarrass him. but unless i remind him, he won't change his sheets and will leave it wet until i tell him to take care of it. sometimes i feel like he may be doing it for attention from me, because he knows it really makes me mad. so i decided that i'm not going to be mad about it anymore--but it's also not going to be my problem. just like you, i've tried medication, alarms, nothing works. sometimes i will wake him up a couple of hours after he went to bed to make him get up and go to the bathroom, and it becomes real obvious that he's just too lazy to go to the bathroom before he goes to bed. he's taken laziness to a whole new level. like i said, i quit getting mad about it, if he wants to be too lazy to use the bathroom, then he gets to change all his sheets, put them in the washer then the dryer, spray febreze on his bed and put new sheets on. Over time, he seems to be getting tired of all the extra work and my plan seems to be paying off, he only is wet maybe once a week or so now. also, if he leaves without taking care of his sheets, he will be grounded from everything that day when he gets home from school--no going outside, no tv,stereo,playstation, or phone. so now he realizes he's just hurting himself not trying to prevent this problem. give it a try--it worked for me. i find it less stressful to make them "own" their problem, instead of me being worked up about it all the time. good luck!!

Things That Worked For Us

I thought I did this right, geting her off to school, But Now it is all back to an awful way for achild to experience everyday life.&nbsp

My 6yr suddenly complains of her feet hurting, Wont wear shoes. Last night she wore them. She missed the bus this morning because she wouldn't get her shoes on. I try to help her dressing all it does is make more upset. I just dont get it.&nbsp

You just really need to make her understand that you're the boss and she isn't. I always tell my kids when they grow up and have their own kids---that's when it's their turn to be the boss. Certain things, for instance putting on her shoes to go to school , just have to be done. period. she needs to understand that it's not open for discussion. things will run alot smoother, once she is positive without a doubt, who is in charge.

Things That Worked For Us

My son is 20 months old and I can't get him to stop screaming/screeching when he wants something. I taught him to say please and I was hoping that it would replace the screaming. But now he screams/screeches and then says, "please." My husband gets frusterated with him, especially in public and more than once I've caught people staring. How do I get my son to stop the screeching?&nbsp

i'm happy to say that my youngest is 9, but what i always found when they were toddlers is: if they scream and get what they want, they're going to keep screaming. i know it's really hard, but do not give them anything they want until they are acting how you want them to act. then they'll know that when they act the way mommy wants, they get what they want. it will probably take a little time though for them to figure this out---hang in there!!

Things That Worked For Us

Well I am looking for some insight as to what I should use next. My daughter will be 8 this month and my son was 6 in May. I used to be able to use the 1-2-3 method, however my daughter is almost 8 going on 18. She doesn't want to listen and tells me I am mean or unfair and stomps off to her room and slams the door. I have told her that I will take the door off of the hinge if she doesn't stop. Everytime I get on the phone or am busy, she is always insisting that she needs something and just starts talking. I have tried to explain to both my kids, that it is rude to carry on when I am on the phone and that unless it is an emergency it isn't right. I am trying to help my kids as their dad and I separated 3 years ago and will be divorced for 2 years in March. They were emotionally abused before the separation by their dad and that is why we separated. I knew then that we would end up divorced as I knew there was no changing. I have had to go from the "its ok" mom to "its ok" but you need to listen. My son who was always the fixer of any problem is now picking up some of her habits and I don't know what to do. The counting to 3 still works some with my son. I love them so much and want to get things running smoother for everyone. I don't want to be correcting and it be like talking to the wall.

just a little trick that worked for me---when my kids were young, maybe 4-5 yrs old, they also thought it was "free time" when i was on the phone, in other words they were free to do whatever they pleased---they thought. well, after this going on for awhile, i began making them all sit on the couch quietly while i was on the phone. as soon as it rang, i made them get on the couch and be quiet and explained to them it was because they acted crazy everytime i was on the phone. after doing this for about a week, we had a talk about how they should behave when i'm on the phone and if they could do this, they wouldn't have to sit on the couch anymore. i had very few problems after that, because noone wanted to sit on the couch doing nothing. so it worked pretty well.

maybe, this will help will at least this problem. another thing, you really want to demand that your daughter be respectful toward you as her mother, just a thought---she's going to be a teenager someday. it's much easier to control her when she's 8 than when she's 14/15.