Brain Teasers: The Answers...1. 42 seconds. Travelling at 180km an hour, the train would take 20 seconds to travel 1km and therefore 40 seconds to travel 2km, plus 2 seconds for the complete train to pass any point, making a total of 42 seconds.

Brocket Hall...I'm having to go away on business today for a couple of nights. It'll be a working trip and will cut right into the Bank Holiday weekend (boo hoo); but I could think of worse places to be than let's say, Brocket Hall. I wonder if I can sneak off to the spa while they're off clay pigeon shooting?

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Honey To The Beeb...Mrs Chris Evans and singer of such classics as Because We Want To, Girlfriend, Honey To The Bee and Day And Night is now going to screaming at the top of her lungs a different tune... while being violated by the Menoptra, poor gal. Yes kids, be afraid, be very afraid Billie Piper is new Doctor Who assistant.

Who Ate All The Pies?...The FA Cup Final on Saturday was a sad game. Sad that Millwall didn't win! Ronaldo did look well fit though when he took his top off after shoring his goal. That is he did look well fit... the photos tell a slightly different story.

This from Kevin: Do you think pretty boy Ronaldo has succumbed to English footballing tradition and had a few too many pies? Roy Keane certainly looks appalled at the "wonderboy"s mid-riff bulge. Let's hope José-Antonio doesn't follow suit.

Monday, May 24, 2004

My Weekend...What a weekend! Paul's sister Anne and her husband Paul came to stay on Friday. Paul is like The Simpsons' Otto Man in every respect. Needless to say we had a blaaaast, maaan. My head is still spinning.

On Saturday Marky and I went to my sister's engagement party out in Benington in deepest darkest Hertfordshire. Joanna and Martin are tying the knot next year and by way of marking the year's build-up Martin threw a lavish engagement party for a hundred of their nearest and dearest - huge marquee, endless drinks, disco, fully catered food, flowers, fireworks - the lot. It was just a shame is was so cold once the sun went down. It was great fun though and everyone soon warmed up once they started dancing. Roll on the wedding itself.

Sunday was a games afternoon, Adrian and Drew came over to play Nintendo. I'd recently bought a projector and after a rushed trip to Wickes and a spot of painting we had a giant white screen to play Mario Kart: Double Dash with three foot high cars. Way cool.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Ilya...Simon, Paul, Charlie, Gordon and I went to see the lusciousness and gorgeousness that is Ilya last night at Hoxton Hall. Think Goldfrapp (circa Felt Mountain) meets Annie Lennox meets Air meets Leslie Garret meets Cleo Layne meets Anastasia and you'd be pretty near the mark.

The video to their single Bellissimo stars our own, our very own... Martin Freeman! a.k.a. Ben's cousin! a.k.a. Tim off of The Office! a.k.a. Arthur Dent in a movie version of The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy!

Purple Haze...So Tony Blair has to get his suit cleaned. Yesterday Sky News were showing and reshowing the 'purple haze' footage frame by frame : "This is the precise moment where the Prime Minsiter was almost hit" (fast forward video tape) "This is the precise moment where the Prime Minsiter actually was hit." With footage like that I bet they would have loved it if it'd been something some serious than purple flour.

Plague...There is loud singing in the tree above me right now and the sidewalk is littered with dead bodies. Sound bizarre, right? Well this was the description by a botanist as America is hit by storm of insects. What next? Frogs? Slaying of first born?

Brain Teasers...1. I have a deck of cards from which some are missing. If I deal them equally between nine people, I have two cards to spare. If I deal them equally between four people, I have only one card to spare. There are normally 52 cards in the deck. How many are missing?

2. At a mass doughnut eating competition Elizabeth eats an average of 22 doughnuts in her first 10 sittings. After a further 20 sittings her average increases to 34 doughnuts. What was her average for her last 20 sittings only.

Monday, May 17, 2004

Brum...Roger and I had a fantatsic weekend in Birmingham this weekend; Joseph, Donny Osmond, Joan Collins, Mr Egg, Boots, Simon Pegg, the Fountain, the canal, Harvey Nic's, the Nightingale, the sunshine, Dr Aktins, Eurovision, the new bullring - it was almost like Amsterdam. Almost.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Site Feed...The more eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed I've added a site feed to my pages. There's a link on the right-hand side bar. If you use a newsreader please let me know if it works for you and if I've set it up right. The default feed for Blogger seems to be Atom rather than RSS so that's what I'm using at first. But if anyone has any suggestions or knows if I can use both please drop me a line.

My Hero...Last night Emma, Catherine, Paul, Andrew and I went to our local theatre pub, the Hen and Chickens, to see stand-up comedian Ardal O'Hanlon. Ardal O’Hanlon shot to fame after playing the dim-witted Father Dougal Maguire in the classic sitcom Father Ted. His most successful role to date has been that of Thermoman - alias mild-mannered shopkeeper, George Sunday - in My Hero. Ardal was trying out some new material prior to his nationwide tour. He's a very funny guy.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Church of Fools...Today sees the launch of the Church of Fools - the UK's first web-based, 3D church. No, you didn't misread that. It's an internet church. With avatars and everything. It even has a sanctuary and a crypt. And surprise, surprise, it even has details of how you can donate money (£3 by texting "amen" to 83248).

Better Than I Thought It'd Be...I bought The Streets's new CD A Grand Don't Come Easy yesterday. I've only listened to it once so far: what I hear I really, really like. The Victoria Line was screwed this morning so I got to listen to the album in full. It's a concept album in that it tells a story - albeit with a rather lame twist at the end. But it is fun, street-witty and rings true. Catch it if you can.

Worse Than I Thought It'd Be...I bought The Magnetic Fields's new CD i yesterday. I've only listened to it once so far: what I hear I don't really like. Which is a shame because I thought 69 Love Songs was simply perfect. Maybe my expectation was too high. I will, of course, give it a 2nd chance.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

I Close My Eyes, Drew Back The Curtain...Roger and I are going to Birmingham on Friday for 'a boys' weekend away; we get on well, enjoy each others company and travel well together. Oh, and egg each other on.

So what will we be doing in the lovely city of Brum for two whole days (and nights)? Art Galleries? Museums? Architectural tours? Not quite.

Friday night: Sing-A-Long-A Joseph And The Technicolor DreamcoatA chance to singalong with all the well loved songs in this specially subtitled version of the hit musical starring Donny Osmond. So dress up in your brightest clothes and sing your heart out, Any Dream Will Do..." No, really.

Monday, May 10, 2004

There are one or two features that I'd not seen or used before and I might try some of them out over the next few weeks to see how they work. The RSS feed is one and the Blogger comment system is the other.

Britain's Greatest Mingers...Last night Sky One had a show called Britain's Greatest Celebrity Mingers. A show title that had us in fits.

For those of you unaware of the term, UrbanDictionary defines a 'minger' thus: A person, either male or female, who is asthetically un-pleasing to the general public. Someone so appalingly ugly, their appearance can cause gastro-intestinal distress, erectile disfunction and/or vaginal dryness.

I tuned in just to watch the top ten count down - all listed below with Google image links.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Death To Smoochy...A big, big thank you to Hanko for giving me Death To Smoochy as a gift. You're a star.

The film is hilarious.

Basic plot: When he is fired for taking payola, the host for a children's television show played by Robin Williams, plots revenge against his replacement, a purple rhino named Smoochy played by the gorgeous Edward Norton.

Basically it's a satire on kids TV but with lots of effing and jeffing. And any resemblance between Smoochy The Rhino and Barney The Dinosaur is, of course, completely coincidental.

Big Gay Out......EPKAMG (the event formally known as Mardi Gras) which took over from EPKALLGTP (the event formally known as London Lesbian, Gay and Transgenger Pride) which itself took over from EFKAGP (the event formally known as Gay Pride) will now simply be called The Big Gay Out and returns to London’s oh-so-rainy Finsbury Park on Saturday 3rd July this year. £15.00. Hmmm. I expect I'll go. But not making any firm plans just yet.

The Best Song Lyric Ever?...I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand, walking through the streets of Soho in the rain. He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook's, going to get a big dish of beef chow mein.

Do the recognise the song from these opening lyrics? And even if you don't, is this the best song lyric ever?

Well, according to BBC Radio listeners it is. It pipped Every Day Is Like Sunday by Morrissey, Lynryd Skynryd's Freebird and the Manic Street Preachers' Design For Life to the top spot. Wot? No Steps?

Oh, and in case you don't recognise it, the lyric is Werewolves of London written by Warren Zevon when "fuelled by a little too much vodka". A good song, but the 'best ever'? Nah.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Are you the weakest link?...Thanks to Lorayne for sending me these. Of course I got every single one wrong!

Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.
OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready?

GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Scroll down for answer...

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question. To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question: If you overtake the last person in the race, then you are...?

Scroll down for answer...

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!

You're not very good at this are you?

Third Question: Very tricky maths! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20 Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer...

Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Scroll down for answer...

Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.