With most classic cafes
fading fast, here is a selection of some of the best left standing
in London (and further abroad) as of January 2004. Over 130 prime
caffs in London alone! Please note that ALL are under direct
threat and many may well have vanished by the time you get to
them...

Gambardella, Vanbrugh
Park SE3.Run by the same
family right from its opening day over a half-century ago, this
is possibly the most hidden cafe gem in all of London-lost in
the Blackheath Standard area at the top of Greenwich Park. The
building dates from the 1930s, but the unique moulded plywood
revolving chairs were installed during the 1960s. Other fine
features: the amazing flesh-coloured vitrolite and chrome front
section; the red and black Formica back room; the silver deco
clock, the tile-floor parlour, the 100 year old fridge; the nifty
old wall heaters. A masterpiece.

My Tea Shop, Tooley
Street, SE1 NEW"One of London's
best, and probably smallest, cafes. My Tea Shop occupies the
last railway arch on the west end of Tooley Street, near the
entrance to the underground station. Behind an unremarkable exterior
is a cosy cabin-like space with a curved ceiling. Afficionados
of the remarkable Classic Cafes website will be pleased to see
that My Tea Shop is lined with original Formica and chrome metal
fittings. Note also the lovingly-maintained Still water boiler
(now no longer manufactured) and the little galley kitchen, which
nonetheless serves up a good cup of tea made with loose tea leaves
and a superior quality cooked breakfast. As is so often the case,
this excellent cafe is run by an Italian." (Nick Heath)

Mama's, Waterloo Road
SE1. RIPThis utility-build
worthy has interesting high-backed grey booth seats, solid tables,
good counter-space and corking wall coverings. Often rammed with
extravagantly flatulent building crews. (Now under new management - the old seats have
been replaced by the moulded- plastic-on-metal-frame variety.
The whole place has been repainted.)

Marie's, Lower Marsh
Street SE1. RIPSmall but popular
local with a superb ratty, two-tone Formica interior and plenty
of red booth seating.

Perdoni's, Kennington
Road SE1. RIPEstablished in
1926, the dread selection of wall-pictures is a turn-off, but
the plentiful coffee-brown booth seating and beaten-copper trim
is a consolation... "Restaurant
and snack bar established over 70 years" is the slogan under
Perdoni's logo. It was once called the Genoa
Cafe and never closed even when the shops were blasted in the
Second World War. It was busy when peace arrived and as the country
entered the Fifties with the Festival of Britain just up the
road. Now there are two Perdonis involved with the restaurant.
The brothers Peter and John each come in every other day to run
the business which is open from 7am to 6.30pm with a clientele
ranging from taxi drivers in the early morning (a sure guarantee
that the food is good) to business people and civil servants
at lunchtime... The growing number of regulars just cannot be
tempted away to the new restaurants."

Frank's, Southwark Street
(Road?) SE1 NEW
'Acres of Formica (including Formica-lined walls) plus nice wooden
tables which decrease in size as you reach the back of the room.'
(Maurice Fyles)

Phoenix, Coldharbour
Lane SW9.Great, packed little
local with plain laminate walls, proper tables and chairs and
a small corridor-like back section. An institution holding its
own in one of London's most wretched drug thoroughfares.

Electric, Norwood Road
(West Norwood/Tulse Hill) SE27 NEWBang opposite Tulse
Hill fire station.Smashing
beige and horror-brown decor; old pinball machine and ramshackle
kitchen. OwnerStavros
Tsoukkas confirms that the good old Electric (long thought deceased
according to several Classic Cafes punters) is actually still
standing after decades, right on the main drag of Norwood's nightmare
alley. Says Stavros: "my family have been running the Electric
for over 30 years. We are very much still open for business,
and we are unchanged in our (ahem) 'smashing beige and horror
brown decor'." They don't make them like this any more.
Whizzer... and chips!

Barny's Cafe, Coldharbour
Lane (near Loughborough Road) SW9.NEW
'For die-hard, classic-caff
enthusiasts only, being located in what was, until recently,
one of the UK's most violent neighbourhoods. The owner, an amiable
Italian lady, stoically informed me that: "I've been here
36 years, it's not so bad now". This austere, utilitarian
place sports a faded Pepsi sign and net curtains. Seating is
provided by a mixture of metal tubular-frame and wooden-seat
chairs, reminiscent of 1960's ILEA classroom-furniture, a more
aesthetically pleasing couple of Thonet-style chairs, and an
old window bench-seat covered with frazzled caramel-coloured
leatherette. The wooden tables are topped with worn beige Formica,
save for the sole red Formica table next to the Formica counter.
The small glass counter-display, handwritten menu and metal hot-water
spout complete the ensemble. A souvenir life-belt bearing the
legend Barny's Cafe Iberia 1961 might be a clue as to the caff's
history.' (Patrick Turland)

Dave's Diner, Battersea
Park Road SW8. RIP
Very much in the 'plain' style, Dave's sports a good old Coke-sign
frontage and a miraculously preserved interior slightly to the
south of Battersea Park. There's a generous spread of faded red
Formica tables inside and proper Thonet chairs throughout. There's
also a period ceiling fan; one wall lined with old collectible
plates; another displaying a light-up mechanical 3D map of the
word; an original 50s Bakelite heater in the corner; old awnings;
original cash register; wooden spoon on wall... In short, a corking
local of a type in short supply. Hot tip: avoid the charred sausages
but don't miss the voyage thru the kitchens to the rancid back
yard ablutions! (The
new place still has the same name but has been fitted-out in
an Ed's Easy Diner-style 1950's America diner pastiche - Patrick
Turland)

Cafe, 59 Battersea Bridge
Road, SW8.
"Hasn't got a fantastic sign or any Formica in ice-cream
colours, but it is a proper working class, lovely little smokey
cafe with coffee-coloured vinyl booths... there's a hand-written
menu and the sandwich board outside simply says 'Cafe'... worth
a visit just to meet its proprietor Chris who also owns the launderette
next door... " (Suzanne Beirne)

Cafe Express, Battersea
Park Road, SW8.NEW
'Slightly straying from the classic 50s/60s criteria, this is
a former Wimpy opposite Battersea Park Library in the style of
the Star Cafe (Whitechapel) & Bloomsbury Restaurant (Brunswick
Centre) kitted out with orange-patterned exterior wall tiles,
bright orange tiling behind the counter and light-orange leatherette
seats on metal pedestals. The Formica tables even have an orange
floral pattern. You can rest your orange-weary eyes on the mosaic-effect
floor tiles, naff landscape pictures, the fish tank, or the great
Wimpy-esque wall-mounted menu photo-montage! There's also a classic
metal double-barrelled tea and coffee machine with hot-water
dispenser. A mish-mash of Starburger/Star Express paraphernalia
is evidence of the cafe's post-Wimpy history.' (Patrick Turland))

Tony's, Northcote Road
(near Bennerley Road) SW11. NEW
'Looks like an unreconstructed 60's Formica-wall panelled cafe,
with worn looking leatherette-seats, and an old-style tea-urn.
Its main clientele must be the Northcote Road market stallholders
and their customers. The whole area has been rendered almost
unrecognisable by gentrification in the past 20 years. One of
the last remnants of this part of Battersea's Up The Junction
past. (Patrick Turland)

C. Notarianni, Battersea
High Street SW11. NEW
Long-standing Italian cafe site that retains some of its 1950s
charm. The external 'seaside' deco shopfront is magnificent.

Lito's Cafe, York Road,
SW11. NEW
"Just round the corner from Notarianni's in Battersea High
St. This is one of the growing family of London's Thai-owned,
cafes by day, cheap restaurants by night (similar to Stratford's
Pie Crust Cafe, the Popular Cafe in Lever St., and Marie's in
Lower Marsh St.) It retains a brown-tile and wooden window-frame
exterior, a good selection of classic, Formica-topped tables,
leatherette-covered, wooden Thonet-style seats, and checkboard
tiled floor. Original counter area. The small, traditional glass
counter-display houses a selection of tacky-looking china cat
ornaments, possibly some sort of good-luck symbol. The upper
walls are covered in a late 70s bathroom-tile effect wallpaper."
(Patrick Turland)

Grove Cafe, Grove Vale,
East Dulwich SE22. RIP
Just purely and simply there - near the train station - for your
noshing pleasure. It's as plain as yer boot but with a crop of
classic cafe standard issue chairs n' tables, a truly twentieth
century London frontage and general looked-over mien this is
as good as it gets out Dulwich way. Why not pull in and take
the weight off your prison-fresh trainers?

The Koffi Pot, Welling
High Street, Welling. RIPOriginally owned
by an Italian family called the Feraras, this much-loved local
dates from the 1930s and retains an unusual collection of coffee
pots-all sizes, shapes and colours-displayed on a long shelf
over the counter. The outside sign boasts 'Builders BreakfastsHorlicks
and Bovril'. The large interior is a fantasia of lustrous frosted
lemon and lime Vitrolite set off with original ceiling fans,
neon strip lights and a pair of beautiful old fashioned stick-on-letter
wall menus. (In 2001, director Mike Leigh shot a couple of scenes
at the Koffi Pot for his film All or Nothing).

West London

Metropolitan, Edgware
Road W2. RIPJust down from
where the Regent Milk Bar used to be, this longstanding local
features lots of green and cream Vitrolite and an original plastic
deco counter with stylish moderne lettering. Joe Strummer and
Paul Simenon were regulars in the late 1970s and the old place
briefly appears to no great effect in the execrable Clash vehicle
Rude Boy.

Chelsea Kitchen, King's
Road SW3. RIPLong established
coffee bar-ish place dating back to the 1960s with nice period
booths and banquettes upstairs and a roomy downstairs basement
full of alcoves. (The Picasso cafe down the road retains its
original sign-though little else-from an era when it too was
a key Kings Road hangout with Martin Amis and Anita Pallenberg
among the regulars.)

Harris' Cafe Rest, Goldhawk
Road W12.Loizos Prodromou
came to London from Cyprus in 1951 to take over Harris' and the
same Greek Cypriots have been running the place ever since. The
fluted wall panelling, voluminous net curtains, anaemic pot plants,
hat stands, dun n' plumb coloured panels, place mats, and motherly
waitresses make this a real home from home.

Zippy Grill, Goldhawk
Road W12.Almost opposite
Harris', Zippy's neat red leatherette booths and US diner-style
fixed counter stools have been welcoming market folk for decades.
The interior is the nearest thing London has left to the old
original Wimpys. Look out especially for the illuminated plastic
menus, above-the-counter lights, and single fixed tables running
up the back with free standing leatherette chairs.

P George, Fulham Road
SW6. NEWNear Pulton Place,
this still surviving caff was featured in Ken Loach's film Poor
Cow. Facing an old ABC Cinema in 1967, it's where Carol White
gets into a hopeless love tangle with Terence Stamp. Rumours
abound that Scott Walker also filmed an advert sitting in the
window here.

Olympic, Dawes Road
SW6.NEWNotable for the
wall to wall gingham interior which can be spotted from the bus
through the superbly greying net curtains.

The Troubadour, Old
Brompton Road SW5.An important, authentic
and unusual cafe environment from a period when Earls Court was
rampant with coffee houses. Founded by Michael and Sheila van
Bloemen in 1954, the walls and ceilings are hung round with exotica. (Private Eye was first produced
and distributed here. Paul Simon, Charlie Watts, Sammy Davis
Jnr, Jimi Hendrix and Bob Dylan all performed here.)

Scoff's Eating House,
Kensington High Street W8 NEW
A chalet-special that's pretty well exactly as it was twenty
five years ago. Low-lit, ranged around with cod-Italiana, rows
of cramped brown tables and chairs and with the emphasis on a
family trattoria feel.

Frank's, Addison Bridge
Place W8.Intact, inert and exceedingly down and dirty, this
excellent sub-Deco throwback is full of rumbunctious cabbies. Uniquely situated above a railway
line, it's a superb old US diner-style place with crumbling interior,
single stool seating and a picturesque counter area. (It's actually
built out of an old abandoned signal box). Along with the Snack Bar in Brooks Mews, this is one of
the only surviving London cafes listed in Jonathan Routh's The
Good Cuppa Guide of 1966.

The Corner Cafe, Empress
Place, SW6RIP'West London twin
of the old Tea Rooms. Looks unchanged, more or less, since the
1960's. The exterior is nondescript, but for the faded Pepsi
sign, menu, and net curtains there's little evidence of its classic
status. Internally, this Italian-owned cafe retains
a coherent, spartan 50s/60s feel, with Formica-topped tables,
wooden benches and original floor tiles. There's a great Formica-topped
counter, red-mottled Formica walls, glass-display and traditional
metal double-barrelled tea & coffee maker. Customers are
mainly the workers from the nearby Lillie Road bus depot, and
Earls Court Arena and Exhibition centre. The prices are dirt
cheap.' (Patrick Turland) NB: 21 Mar 2005 'A sign's appeared
on the front door announcing that it's closed for refurbishment
and is 'under new management'. The place now has even more of
a Marie Celeste feeling of abandonment. The Corner Cafe was certainly
an acquired taste - like the invariably stewed tea. The owners
didn't exactly create a life-enhancing ambience, I don't think
I ever saw them laugh once. It will be inextricably linked in
my mind with a period of 1980s post-graduate unemployment. I'd
sign on at the dole office off Fulham Palace Road, before burning
off my accumulated angst with a lengthy stroll through Hammersmith
and Kensington High Street, before circling back to Fulham Broadway
tube. My reward to myself would be a fry-up at the Corner Cafe,
while flicking through the Evening Standard or a tabloid. Another
old-style Italian owned caff in nearby Jerdan Place disappeared
in the summer of 1999 when the area was redeveloped as the upmarket
Fulham Island. The punk-hairstyle sporting daughter could be
found helping out her parents, while her musician boyfriend lolled
around smoking and drinking coffee...' (Patrick Turland)

Star Cafe, King Street,
SW6RIP Oct 2004'On the south side
of King St, Hammersmith SW6. This is/was an old Jenny Burger/Star
Burger, but still has elements of the old Wimpey bars - the lettering
on the shop front, and the leatherette booths. I mentioned to
the manager that I used to go there as a child with my mother,
back in the early 70's, when it was still a Wimpy. The manager
has been there since 1971. The place hasn't changed since 1971,
or probably even earlier. Red-leatherette booth seating, a red
and yellow Formica-panelled cash-register area, and walnut Formica
tables mounted on metal pedestals. There are white plastic 60's/70's
light shades in the front window area, two chandelier-style lights
(fit to grace Liberace's celestial bedroom) and two ceiling fans.
There are even photos of those 70's gastronomic essentials, the
knickerbocker glory and chocolate sundae in plastic wall displays.
The shop front appears to have the original Wimpy-style lettering.
The manager intends to refurbish the place.' (Patrick Turland)

River Cafe, Putney Bridge
Approach SW6.This place has
it all: superb vitrolite ceiling, magnificent blue-tile work,
garlanded friezes, murals, excellent wood seats, full-on Formica
tables, large busy counter, eccentric locals and a splendid frontage
with Gill-face sign. (Also a handy base for a river visit to
the church that featured in The Omen.) A show-stopper and no
mistake.

Peterborough Cafe, Peterborough
Road, Parson's Green SW6 RIP
'Situated in a chi-chi part of Parson's Green yards from the
UK headquarters of Starbucks it resembles a transport cafe -
which must seriously annoy most of the locals! Internally the
place has some old-style features such as the grey and white
Formica-topped tables, old wooden chairs with leatherette seat-covering,
and pine-effect wall-panelling. The counter has a small glass
display, and there's a original caff hot-water dispenser. The
net curtains, ceiling-fan and menu-display handwritten in felt-tip
pen complete the scene. Fight fans will appreciate the display
of early to mid 80's boxing match posters.' (Patrick Turland)

Double 7 Cafe, Oxford Road (near Upper Richmond Road), Putney
SW15. NEW
'Near Pete's Mini- Bar... been here since the mid 60's at least
and used to be the stables for the building now housing Domino
Pizza! It has a great plastic external sign saying Transport
Cafe which looks like a 60s original. Internally, the wooden
panelling of the former stable is still discernable. Seating
is provided by what looks like wooden Thonet chairs, painted
red. The tables are of a fairly recent pine type, covered with
plastic red and white check table cloths. Net curtains complete
the feeling of a snug bolt-hole. Opening hours are 7am-2pm, Monday
to Friday, 8am to 2pm on Saturday. Cheap all day breakfasts are
a speciality... "(Patrick Turland)

Pete's Mini Bar, Upper
Richmond Road SW15. NEW'Yellow Formica,
classic seating... come out of East Putney Tube, turn left and
walk 50
yards, it's across the road on the right. I love the place.'
(Anthony Abdool) "Anyone interested in visiting Pete's should
get there double pronto. A Caffe Nero opened up a few yards away
in October. This probably undermined trade to a degree, but to
add insult to injury, a branch of Subway, the god awful, American
sandwich-chain, opened next to Caffe Nero, just before Xmas.
I can't see how Pete's can survive for long against the forces
of homogenisation. Hopefully, the Double 7 Cafe round
the corner in Oxford Road, can withstand the corporate onslaught,
but I wouldn't bet on it." (Patrick Turland)

Metro, Goldhawk Road
W12. RIPBuilt precariously
into the tube station, the Metro was comprehensively destroyed
internally in July 2002 after remaining characterfully empty
for decades. However, the old rotting frontage with a 'Lunches'
sign in the window remains. To move with the times, owner Michael
inexplicably installed a dozen Edwardian drawing room tables
and draped the entire place in Eritrean nick-nacks. The cafe
is now rammed every day.

Daquise, Thurloe Street
SW7.Lovely old Polish
tea room cum refectory overseen by legions of harassed looking
waitresses. Like The Troubadour, it has a strong flavour of original
1950s coffee bar.

Dino's, Pelham Street
SW7. NEW
Built into South Ken tube, this is a roomy restaurant/cafe with
a decent spread of lodge-style tables and chairs, fluted panel
walls, masses of hanging, iron chalet lights and - best of all
- three large pleasant murals on the back wall. The usual ersatz
Italiana, but gently understated and thankfully non-corporate
- which is something of a miracle for SW7. Open until 10.30-ish
pm most nights. Coffees and pastries served at all times.

Dino's, Earl's Court
Road ( near Earl's Court tube) SW5. NEW'A classic Alpine
chalet style Italian cafe/trattoria similar to The Lucky Spot
in North Audley St but on a larger scale. There are some great
wooden-booths, crazy-paving style & marble-effect floor-tiling.
The walls are decorated with murals painted on wood, showing
women wearing the dresses of various Italian regions. There's
a great pulley-operated dumb-waiter. It might be a tad kitsch,
but it's an oasis of civility in the corporate-chain dominated
tat of Earl's Court Road. On the subject of Dino's, the South
Ken branch was shown in Roman Polanski's 1965 classic "Repulsion".
I vaguely remembered a scene where Catherine Deneuve leaves South
Kensington tube station, and passes the restaurant. The manageress
confirmed this, and told me that Deneuve had used the restaurant
during filming.' (Patrick Turland)

Jack's Cafe, Boundary
Road NW8. (opp. old Sattchi Gallery) NEWSmall plain cafe:
rosewood tables & simple chairs & and classic cafe Coke
sign. "Some of the furniture mentioned has been replaced
by more modern chairs, though there's still a old wooden bench
by the front window." (Patrick Turland)

Pacific Fish Bar, King
Street, W6 NEW
In the down at heel end of King Street Hammersmith, opposite
the UGC cinema. (In the same parade of shops there is a secondhand
magazine store, just as there is in Rochester Row next to the
Italian Restaurant). The Pacific has a truly awesome sign, sadly
no longer illuminated at night, but it must have been a stunner.
Behind the counter is an equally impressive menu board in yellow
and blue. Tables are a lovely pale green Formica which may be
more recent than the authentically battered red leatherette seating.
Wall paneling is a newish wood effect, the lights are awful but
the triumph of this place is the magnificent pale green, orange
and chrome counter. To get the full effect of this lovely cafe,
sit at the back. Clientele are certainly authentic: single, cheerless
diners who have been coming in so long that they just sit and
are served without ordering. (Richard Gray)

Half Moon Cafe, 125
Fulham Palace Road (Hammersmith end), W6 NEW
"With its Vitrolite ceiling, it could be the classic cafe
cousin of the River Cafe, down the road. The round wooden tables
strike a more modern note, though the new Turkish-Cypriot owner
may replace these for smaller versions. He intends to open till
7pm, when he gets the staff. Makes a pleasant change from the
burger bar/kebab shop dystopia near the Hammersmith Apollo."
(Patrick Turland)

Sandro's Snack Bar,
Great Western Road (near Harrow Road), W9. NEW'A handy bolthole
from the Notting Hill Carnival crowds... The previous owners
were Italian, now Indian. The cafe still retains some original
fixtures such as Formica-topped tables, wooden chairs with leatherette
seats, false ceiling ( wooden slats), copper pot and swords hung
on the wall in an Italian chalet style. There are signed 1980's
photos of Madness and Motorhead on the wall, from when they used
the nearby Zig Zag studios.' (Patrick Turland)

Cafe, Notting Hill Gate,
(next to The Gate Cinema) W11 NEW
Once a main haunt of ex-local Van Morrisson this "small,
Italian-owned place hasn't changed in the past 20 years at least.
It's fitted-out like Dino's in Earl's Court Rd with chalet-style
wooden booths and tables, trattoria-rustic walls, wooden wall-mounted
panels, and a tiled floor. Juventus football pennants add to
the feeling of localissimo" (Patrick Turland)

Despite the capital
having the highest remaining concentration of classic cafes,
good examples can sometimes be found beyond London-often around
older, less modernised seaside resorts...

Micks Cafe, Cripley
Road, Oxford, OX2 0AH NEW
"...immediately west of the station you see a wooden shack
right next to a main road, the railway bridge and the public
toilets. Inside are wooden walls, wooden peripheral seating and
Formica tables. Fry-up menu, lots of regulars reading tabloids,
and the occasional student looking for a bit of rough..."
(Robert Wyburn)

Excelsior Cafe, Cowley
Road, OX4 1UH NEW
"... the truly magnificent Excelsior
Cafe on the Cowley
Road looks promising from the outside. Serves proper English
cuisine - lashings of brown sauce and ketchup (a cheap vinegary
one, not Heinz's) helps cover up the taste. Menus are provided,
but you don't really need one - just point to something on the
waiter's jacket..." (Knowhere.co.uk)

Morelli's Cappuccino,
Victoria Parade, Broadstairs.One of only a handful
of 1950s UK coffee bars left in existence. With its swathes of
original pink vinyl seating, a small working fountain and an
amazing curvilinear suspended ceiling, the general out-of-timeness
makes the place feel like a sort of Portmeirion in pink Formica.

Rossi's Coffee Lounge,
Western Esplanade, Westcliff on Sea.Sitting at the
base of the vaguely moderne Cliffs Pavilion, this shrine to light
refreshment is always packed with pensioners and children who
revel in its blatant other-worldliness. The frontage (which should
be listed immediately) has good sea views.

Connaught Corner House,
Marine Parade, Worthing. Worthing seems
to have been pretty well forgotten since Harold Pinter briefly
lived there in 1963 (and wrote the scripts for the films The
Pumpkin Eaters and The Homecoming). But the lovely Connaught,
with its large curved windows overlooking the pier, retains a
Pinter-esque flavour-a languid enclave of plump, olive banquettes,
churning ceiling fans, pot plants and marbleised Formica.

Harbour Bar, Sandside,
Scarborough.Famed for serving
some of the best ice cream in the country, Giulian Alonzi's Harbour
Bar is almost unaltered since opening in 1945. With decor described
by The Times as, "a sunburst of yellow and white, a banana
split recreated in Formica" the walls are lined with mirrors
and slogans 'Get your vitamins the easy way', 'Eat ice cream
every day.'" The Alonzi's settled in Scarborough in 1896
and the old milk bar is thriving. Says Giulian: "We're busy
all winter hereIn the summer, people come to enjoy themselvesIn
winter, they come to enjoy the place."

Brucciani's, Marine
Road, Morecambe.Built on the eve
of war in 1939, the local paper feared that Brucciani's might
not be good for the sedate Victorian image of Morecambe and could
be positively harmful to young people. Originally a milk bar,
Brucciani's typifies the simple, geometric 'high street deco'
popular at the time. The brown wood and chrome exterior has black
lacquer base panels to the street, porthole lamps above the doors,
ziggurat pattern doors, classic deco handles and original menus.
The interior preserves extensive wall panelling, a slightly reworked
counter, red Formica tables, red upholstered chairs, wall-to-wall
etched glass (Venetian canal scenes), mirrors, deco clocks and
penny-in-the-slot cubicles in the cloakrooms. That most Art Deco
of confections, the Knickerbocker Glory is still served throughout
the summer season.

Hart's, Marine Road,
Morecambe.Keeping up the
Lyons Corner House tradition of silver teapots, maple floors,
crystal chandeliers and waiting staff in traditional black and
white uniforms, Hart's actually appears as a location in Tony
Richardson's film of The Entertainer but seems more like something
out of Tony Hancock's The Punch and Judy Man (filmed in Bognor
in 1962.) Hancock co-star John Le Mesurier remembered the location
as "a disaster area. The trippers had stayed away in swarmsHancock
stood on the seafront at Bognor as lightning hissed and crackled
overheadTurning his face skyward he shouted, 'go on make it worse.'"
Hart's has outlasted them all.

Rendezvous Café,
The Promenade, Whitley Bay NEW"Totally unchanged"...
"a delight" ... "absolutely fantastic" ...
"The Rendezvous is a great cafe right on the beach at Whitley
Bay. It's beautifully maintained and run with all sorts of ices
on the menu as well as hot chocolate, cheese and tomato sandwiches
- the odd bucket and spade too! Always warm and friendly after
a walk on the beach, it also has amazing views out of the big
arched windows. On a stormy day you can sit and drink frothy
coffee and watch the sea. I think the same family have been running
it for a long time." (Emma Holiday)

Abergeldie Cafe, Shude
Hill, Manchester. NEWOnce serving the
Smithfield wholesale market next door-now long gone- the Abergeldie
retains a long counter with a steel hotplate for cooking; battered
and bubbling pans on the hobs behind; Formica booths, proper
tables and the original window frames. The Heath-Robinson style
tea system behind the counter brings it all into focus. (In September
2003, film-crews turned the Abergeldie and surrounding streets
into a mock-up of New York's SoHo district for a remake of Alfie
starring Jude Law.)

Kings Cafe, Elmbank
Street, Glasgow. NEWScots-Italians
can trace their history back to the mass migrations of the late
1800s. Many remained in the port cities of Glasgow, Greenock
and Edinburgh, opening shops and serving dairy ice cream direct
from barrows with shouts of 'Gelati, ecco un poco' (consequently
becoming known as the 'Hokey Pokey' boys). Italian cafes subsequently
sprang up all over Scotland. This is one of the finest (along
with Queens Cafe), loved by many for its startling turquoise
deco exterior. Travis are noted fans of its potato fritters and
Manic Street Preacher James Dean Bradfield is also a staunch
supporter.

Carron Restaurant, Cameron
Street, Stonehaven. NEWFirst opened in
1937, this Scottish treasure (hailed as the finest example of
an art deco building in the north of Scotland) fell into disrepair
in the 1960s but has since been restored.

University Cafe, Byres
Road, Glasgow.This family-run
classic-all rosewood wall panels, Formica side tables and mirrored
booths-has been providing cafe staples since it opened in 1918.
Matriarch Rina Verrecchia has been looking after generations
of regulars since 1952 and her three sons (and some grandsons)
work here too. Devotees revel in the Edwardian-tearoom-meets-1950s-icecream-parlour
feel.

Kardomah Coffee House,
Portland Street, Swansea. NEWA longstanding
local institution with some period detailing which, in an earlier
incarnation in Castle Street, used to be a haunt of a young Dylan
Thomas. The present location dates from 1957 (the original Kardomah
was destroyed in the Blitz of 1941) but it was the nerve centre
for a group of Welsh artists and writers through the 1930s including
Daniel Jones, Thomas Warner, Mervyn Levy, Wynford Vaughan-Thomas,
Charles Fisher and Vernon Watkins

Hillside Cafe,George
Lane, Folkestone. NEWRun by a Cypriot
called Ken who has the smallest voice anyone has ever heard,
it is almost a social service to the poor of Folkestone. They
open every day, including Christmas. Ken owns a great deal of
property which he rents out. He doesn't really need to still
be working at the caff, but I think he loves it so much he can't
give it up. His son Simon also works there but always says he's
just helping out temporarily because actually what he does for
a living is 'playing the stock market'. The waiter is a very
odd little bloke with a hunchback and a limp who also hands out
Christian literature in the street. The seating is simple, almost
Shaker-like: fixed high-backed wooden benches varnished to death
with plenty of dribbly bits; fixed wooden tables coated in a
gorgeous speckled red Formica with obligatory scuffed mug marks.
The windows are steamed-up with large puddles of condensation
gathering on the wood-effect Formica sills. Weird silvery 'scraperboard'
type pictures of European birds on twigs randomly are placed
in between hastily cut-out dark red sugar paper notices announcing
Sunday Lunch, beautifully arranged against yet more wood-effect
Formica. Gurgling noises in the background; small glass cases
displaying feeble selections of refreshments (Jammie-Dodgers
in packs of two, out-of-date KitKats and, for some reason, Rizla
papers). On the wall is a red plastic tray with the immortal
words, "Counter Service Order and Pay Thank you". The
cutlery is basic, unpatterned. The crockery is of that white,
almost opaque substance. Mugs always come with a saucer.

Cafe Riviera, Quay Wall,
Newbiggin-by-the-Sea. NEW
As of Feb 2004 For Sale notices have gone up on the art deco
walls of the Cafe Riviera, Newbiggin-by-the-Sea and its future
is uncertain. Frozen in time since before the Second World War,
the Riviera was developed from a group of cottages which looked
out over Newbiggin Bay in the 1930s. Italian shopkeeper Benjamin
Bertorelli created the building in stages and it was finally
completed in 1937. The café was taken over by his son,
Armando, who refused to follow changing fashions over the decades
and kept it just the way it was in his father's day. Today it
has the same tables, chairs, light fittings and display units
that were brought in when it was built. The building remained
unchanged, apart from regular decoration throughout the war years,
the days of rationing, the rock `n' roll years, 1960s fashions,
the Beatles era, men walking on the Moon and robot missions to
Mars. The ice cream sold was made to a family recipe handed down
through the generations (according to family legend, Bertorelli
ice cream was a firm favourite of Queen Victoria) and the coffee
was made to a blend Benjamin Bertorelli invented... "

The Penguin Cafe, Marine
Parade West, Lee-on-Solent.
NEW
The Penguin Cafe has a certain faux Fifties Mid-West feel. Named
Di's Diner on the menu, leatherette upholstered banquettes match
the beige marble-effect Formica; the ceiling is light blue. Painted
panels show life in Lee in its heyday, the 1860s (sorry 1960s)
but the piece de resistance is the frieze above the counter depicting
the view across the Solent to the Isle of Wight (complete with
plane) from H.M.S. Daedalus... and a penguin floating on an ice
floe. There are many refrences to Penguins dotted about; not
always subtly! There is a sign on the counter which reads "Viagra
available in eye-drop form - you look hard!" Customers can
borrow binoculars to survey the Solent. (S. Ambrose)

Eastbourne, Terminus
Road
Notarianni's Restaurant & Milk Bar in Eastbourne lies in that archetypal moribundia
address, Terminus Road ­ a treasure trove of classic caffs.
It has an unusual, and apparently, original grey frontage from
its opening back in 1947 but inside only the battered white banquette
seating survives from the 40s. Atmosphere is nonetheless richly
appealing to moribundia aficionados. Can't wait to return on
a wet November afternoon! At the back of the caff is a collection
of photographs of various Notarianni's in their heyday (this
was a chain, mainly in the north of England.) The manager told
us that a few survive: in Blackpool, Scarborough and other towns.
Just up the road on the other side is a magnificent branch of
a more familiar south coast chain, Macari's, happily retaining
many of its original features: Splendid green and red wooden
banquette seats, Formica tables, 1960s opening and closing-time
clocks and a gorgeous street sign with a full colour knickerbocker
glory (a motif repeated on the picture menu in the window.) I
especially liked the Horlicks dispenser which pleasingly survives
even though Horlicks, surely the signature drink of moribundians,
is no longer served. However, the star of Terminus Road is undoubtedly
the Taurus Steak House(RIP Jan 2005) next to Notarianni's. The sign is obviously 60's
but nothing prepared us for the total timewarp interior. The
manager told us that it had opened in 1969. And clearly absolutely
nothing has changed since... the place mats, cruet sets, faded
seating, carpet, the menu, take you straight back to the 60s
and a bizarre pebble dash - no doubt very groovy in 1969 - covers
one wall as while tall, conical copper lamps loom ominously above
tables in one corner! (Richard Gray)

National Milk Bars,
Penrallt Street, Machynlleth
"National
Milk Bars is a
chain of cafes in North Wales and adjoining bits
of England. This place has the most relentlessly consistent retro
aesthetic I've seen for ages. Lots of wood and green leather-like
stuff. And fantastic 70s maps of the area."(Russell
Davies)

Georgina's, Pallister
Road, Clacton on Sea NEW
Good plum and cream coloured frontage with hand-painted sign.
The interior features one section with faded green booths and
fake-wood veneer tables along with a proper caff Beaumont display board. Another caff on
the seafront overlooks the front of the pier from a large windows-on-the-world
viewing lounge - doesn't seem to have a name but does have lots
of decent tables and chairs. Yet another eaterie - called simply
CAFE - inside the large amusement arcade facing the pier has
massive deco light fittings which are worth a gander. (The caff
opposite the train-station has amazing purple Formica tables
but little else of interest. The station itself retains a pair
of beautiful bulb-lit 40s 'Buffett' signs above a side entrance.)

Felpham Boatyard Cafe,
Bognor Regis NEW"East of Butlin's
at Bognor is a bizarre area of houses that are converted railway
carriages, east of that lies Felpham. The boatyard there has a caff
with lots of people (average age about 75) sitting outside, and
in, drinking tea out of horizontallystriped mugs. The place
has stools for perching at tables round the windows and is identically
furnished to my parents' kitchen circa 1967: tables surfaced
in yellow and brown patterned Formica; chairs and stools covered
in a padded brown leatherette. The rest of the decor is also
redolent of the late 1960s. The staff were extremely friendly,
and fairly young, so fingers crossed it survives. The tea was
so good I had another cup!"(Robert Wyburn)

Rossi's Coffee Lounge,
Westcliff on Sea NEW
Westcliff on Sea is a superb little seaside suburb just between
Leigh on Sea and Southend in Essex. This area is great for moribund-high
street action; packed with odd bookshops, thrift stores and old
family retailers of all stripes. Above the Rossi lies the 'moderne'
styled Cliffs Pavilion, a sizable early 60s arts centre (now
somewhat remodelled) located on the landscaped gardens which
rise up behind this shrine of Light Refreshment. Wistful views
over Southend pier and an exterior/interior combination untroubled
for half a century should put this masterpiece of wicker, leatherette
and lime green Formica high on your hitlist! In January 2003
local Rossi fan Helen Salkin wrote to tell us: "...the new
owners/managers have chucked out the original green Lloyd Loom
chairs and matching marble-topped tables, does still have various
tiled labels such as ICES and SUNDRIES... around 20 years ago,
the council threatened Mr Rossi with closure on the grounds that
the cliff was collapsing behind his cafe."

Ice Cream Parlour, Surrey
Gardens, Birchington (nr Margate) NEW
'A sign in the window
says that the owners, Jan and Stav, recently retired from running
both businesses after 21 years. The Ice Cream Parlour, established 1946, has apparently
changed little since its opening. No Formica, but little Lloyd
loom tables; original handpainted signs over the counter; a splendidly
voluptuous bikinied blonde cradling a tempting cone; metal and
glass ice cream dishes stacked on mirrored shelving; electric
blue tiling outside; and a metal and wood panelled counter. The
business was due to re-open under new management on 28th September,
but three weeks later, nothing had happened. Let's hope the new
owners realise what a gem has come into their possession, and
leave it exactly as it is.' (Richard Gray)

Cross Cafe, Kilmacolm,
Renfrewshire, Scotland NEW
Established 1924-25 and in the family for three generations.

Market Café. Carnation
Road, Rochester NEW'The castle, cathedral
and mock Victorian high street don't bode well but marooned on
its own by the busy Carnation Road is the Market Café. The
Market is a true 24 hour, 365 days of the year café where
every thing is fried (possibly even the tea!). It looks
like the last building in a street condemned to demolition to
make way for a road widening scheme. The only reason it hasn't
been knocked down is because the town planners probably assume
it will fall down in the next stiff breeze. Inside it's
extremely rough and ready but always lovely and warm ­ calorgas
heaters blaze away in the winter. The clientele are builders,
the skint and the homelessand real ale drinkers...' (Paul Shevlane)

Waverley Cafe, Kingsmead Square, Bath
NEW
Kingsmead Square is attractively irregular, and on the edge of
the town centre, though still on the main tour bus route, and
it features lots of trees and is lined with restaurants, a small
supermarket, and the WAVERLEY. This has a 1970ish sign, drawing
in the caff aficionado from a hundred paces. Inside, there are
fixed formica tables and double tip-up seats, colour grey, some
slashed. Floor, large red and white formica tiles. Walls, white
above yellow with pictures of 1960s celebrities. False ceiling
features spotlights that are normal tungsten bulbs. The kaff
expands at the back into a wide area where smoking is allowed;
the kitchen is downstairs with access via a dumb waiter. Friendly
service and good food - superb steak pies, and apple pies, and
paintstripper tea. A good find in an expensive town. (Robert
Wyburn)

York Cafe, York Place, Clifton, Bristol
NEW
It is in a very hilly area surrounded by slightly run-down Regency
terraces, and is on a corner site with lots of windows. The kaff
is long and thin and has ancient straight-backed black-painted
benches separating red formica tables. Walls have white, vertically
fluted paneling and feature a large but very polite "rules"
poster, and the white ceiling features black beams to which are
fixed (real?) tree branches sporting fairy lights. There is a
small, modern "bar" area near the door. Outside, there
are hanging baskets and numerous "beer garden" tables.
There are lots of menu cards detailing the variety of fry-ups
and daily specials - they do a steak-in-Guinness pie and various
puddings-and-custard. Opens at 9am (definitely), I think 7 days-a-week.
Superb. (Robert Wyburn)

Nora's Cafe, 74 London Road, Cheltenham
NEW
A recessed central door, implying a prewar or earlier frontage,
and loose chairs and tables. The tables are brown wood-effect,
the walls vertically fluted (white?), the floor lino, and the
blue-painted wooden servery is topped with formica. 5 tables
in the front part of the Kaff - there is a small raised area
at the back. Could be a real find? (Robert Wyburn)

Weston Omelette Bar, St. James St, Weston-Super-Mare
NEW
Windsor chairs and tablecloths, very cheap. (Robert Wyburn)

Regent, 13 Regent Street, Weston-Super-Mare NEW
The sun was setting as we walked along the prom, and from about
200 yards we spotted the Regent. We were drawn across the road,
pulled by that irresistible force known so well to kaff lovers,
and went in, admiring the 1967-ish facade on the way. We were
not disappointed. Inside is a vast eating house, self service.
The walls not occupied by windows or servery feature smoked mirrors
with a large "REGENT RESTAURANT" sign above, and non-mirrored
bits are of grained browny-yellow Formica. The grained pattern
on the walls matches that on the white formica tables, whilst
the colour matches the leatherette booth seating. The servery
features mosaic and goes round several corners. Above this are
white plastic panels illuminated from inside and displaying messages
in capital letters such as "TRAYS", "SALADS",
"PAY HERE", or a (faded) picture of the dish mentioned.
In the middle of the kaff there is a pillar, surfaced in the
same mosaic. There was a very small, old, Italian (?) waiter,
who may well have been the owner, who alternated between rushing
about and talking very genially to the young waitresses/servery
staff. The servery featured an immaculate Still machine, which
was used to dispense frothy coffee, suitably 1960s, and there
were slush puppies to turn your tongue funny colours, and knicker
boker glories (as they put it), and banana splits, and roast
dinners and paintstripper tea. The clientele was mostly middle-aged,
reliving their youth, but some young people too. AMAZING!!! (Robert
Wyburn)

Clarence Park Cafe, Clarence Park, Walliscote
Rd, Weston-Super-Mare NEW
This is a green and white chalet with a barge-board roof, and
lots of outside picnic tables. There is a wooden counter area
- and amazingly dour service. And, possibly the worst cup if
tea in Somerset. The real oddity is the opening hours - allegedly
6am to 10pm, though take-away
only 6-10 pm in winter - and this in the middle of a park which
appears to have no lights in it. Clearly no problem with local
thugs? - but www.knowhere.co.uk has "Clarence Park - full
of kiddies up to mischief on dark nights! " Perhaps they
drink lots of tea in the dark. Slightly off topic, in Weston
we stayed in the Parasol Guest House, 49 Walliscote Rd., in a
family room that was PACKED with vases, ornaments, pillows, cushions,
and little ledges in corners to put them on. Except we put everything
on top of the wardrobe, to keep them out of the way of the children!
Also, flowery carpets and frilly bedspreads. Enormous, heavily
tattooed (and quietly spoken) Brummie owner, with smaller wife
(Ian and Jan!). Fishtank. Small pooch. Good breakfasts. Moribund
fellow guests. (Robert Wyburn)