I don’t know if I have ADD or I just want to get on a pedestal about a whole bunch of shit today, but I just couldn’t pick one thing to write about. So let’s make an introductory list: (1) Jerry Sullivan is a troll that eats babies. (2) I wonder what made Jerry Sullivan a troll that eats babies. (3) Props to Jeremy White and Howard Simon for not putting up with his shit this morning. (4) This Mario Williams business is intriguing and frustrating. (5) This tornado in Oklahoma is just... wow.

Ok let’s roll.

(1) Good lord, if you haven’t listened to Jerry Sullivan’s segment on WGR this morning, it’s worth a listen - if for no other reason than to give yourself an idea of what the biggest asshole in North America sounds like. You know, just to give yourself a baseline. Let’s break down some of his quotes, on this, a day where the top story in sports is Mario Williams apparently feeling suicidal:

“I haven’t been sympathetic, one iota about this guy since he played his first game for the Bills.” Ok, so Sullivan doesn’t feel bad for a guy who’s suicidal, and hasn’t ever since he had a bad game. Nice.

Sully then went on to criticize Mario’s effort throughout the year, brushed off his double digit sacks, then disclosed (to my knowledge for the first time) that a player told him last year, off the record that he was unhappy with Mario’s effort. Next, Sullivan says “Anyway, he might have a very good year. There are indications - I heard in camp he came into camp energized! Oh boy, Mario Williams at 100 million dollars comes into camp energized”

“Go look at his injury history, it’s always something with this guy.”

Sensing a pattern here? Sullivan hasn’t even talked about the story yet - he’s just taken this occasion to rip a guy in the wake of a story THAT HE’S SUICIDAL.

“I know for me, in the text, he’s - he can’t even write a simple declarative sentence.” -achm- Unreal. Attacking grammar in a text message WITH A SENTENCE FULL OF FAULTY GRAMMAR. If I was truly anal, I’d break down what’s wrong with Sully’s sentence.

“I have written about suicide in an earlier - in an earlier life in journalism, and I know you’re supposed to always take threats seriously, but I’m having trouble with this one.” SO, I know I should be taking suicide seriously, but I kinda don't like this guy, so... naaaahhhh.

Then, one of the morning show guys mentions the column that Sullivan mentioned earlier in the segment, and he gets defensive. “You goin Ted Black on me?!” The next 5 minutes is Sullivan just lashing out at anything he can think of. He re-hashes the Ted Black press conference, and tries to paint himself the victim of Black’s aggression, when Black asked him if he wrote the column already: “that was a cheap shot on his part, and suggested he wanted a fight!”

“I laughed later. I like those vigorous exchanges because you get more out of people. … I tried it with Mario Williams after the Seattle game” So, Sullivan admits that he jumped on the guy after an embarassing loss just to get a rise out of him - and that this is a tactic he uses frequently. No, Jerry, no... you? I don’t believe what I’m hearing.

Finally, Sullivan closes out by saying “you guys, you guy - come on. I’m past 7:20, I’m not even gettin’ - I don’t even get compensated past 7:20. I don’t need that, bein - why don’t you guys talk about baseball or somethin.” So, Sullivan, a professional journalist, closes out with FIVE incomplete sentences minutes after he rips a suicidal football player for his grammar in a motherfucking text message.

As, The Barrister tweeted this morning, "You are a disgraceful person and journalist, @TBNSully. May your taint be set on fire. Forever and ever, Amen."

I concur. Go to hell. You're nothing but a troll with a salary. You’re no better than the idiots that waste their lives on twitter just trying to calculate the right words to piss someone off. Actually, you’re worse, because you’ve found a way to get paid to do it. Burn taint burn.

(2) All that being said, I honestly wonder how he got this way. Seriously. Is this just a show for him? A character he puts on in his public life just to get a rise out of people and be interesting? Maybe it’s because he found some success being sardonic and critical in his columns and now that’s grown into just an insatiable need to be angry and attacking someone constantly? Maybe his wife hates him. Or he’s shooting blanks. Or he’s gay but never had the balls to come out of the closet. I don’t know, but it’s fun because it’s tough to imagine a reason that would make me actually feel bad for him. He’s like Ana Lucia in Lost - oh you got shot one time, because you were a cop, and now you feel like that gives you license to lash out at the entire fucking world? Grow up.

[Hey, I warned you - a whole bunch of random thoughts right in a row.]

(3) As infuriating as Sullivan was in that segment, I damn near jumped up and cheered for Howard and Jeremy. They called Sullivan out on a lot of the stuff I mentioned above, and they did it live. I can’t say I know much about the WGR dynamic, but they have Sullivan on all the time, and I have to think the bosses were none too pleased at Howard and Jeremy for pissing him off. I mean, it got really contentious at the end. But they showed great integrity by not putting up with his shit and I applaud them for it.(4) Ok, first the intriguing part: maybe this is the wannabe attorney in me, but the facts of this debacle are just really... interesting. The source of all this controversy is pretty simple: a couple cherry picked quotes from a 3 page document of text messages that Williams and his fiancee’ sent each other the day of the Pats game, that were made public by the fiancee’s attorney, just days after a failed 3-hour mediation hearing. Hm. Some questions: 1. How are these text messages relevant to the dispute over an engagement ring? 2. Why would an attorney publicly disclose them? It seems that the attorney released them directly to the media, because there hasn’t been a hearing in the case. So, this isn’t evidence that is only public because court records are public. Instead, this just sounds like bullying and an invasion of ... 3. Oh my fuckin god am I going to have to right another privacy article?! (no, don’t worry, I’m not.) 4. Three pages of text messages? That seems like a lot, right? I tried to find the full three pages, but alas, they have eluded me like fleeting love on a drunken midsummer night. Why, yes, sir, I did think this piece was in need of a little whimsy.

Anyway, here’s what the cherry-picked text messages said: “I took 3 hydrocodones this morning and no one knows” and “I’m going to take 2 more on the plane and fade away”. Also, “No money in the world should leave me with suicidal thoughts.”Mario is saying that these texts are taken out of context. God, I’m nervous to say this, but... I think I believe him. Let’s consider the first two. He talks about taking 3 in the morning, and 2 more after the game. So, that’s 5 in a period of probably at least 8 hours. Mario weighs 283 pounds. To me, that doesn’t even sound dangerous. A lot of people are referring to this as a cry for help. Wouldn’t the dose that he’s talking about taking have to be a bit more than a few pills to be a cry for help?Then the next quote we have is the “suicidal thoughts” quote. But, really, it seems like the article of that sentence is the money. Huh? “No money in the world should leave me with suicidal thoughts.” This sentence just makes no sense, unless you want to infer that he’s depressed about not living up to the expectation of the 100 million dollars. But even that doesn’t make sense. Williams was coming off a game at Houston where he had 7 tackles and a sack, not to mention that he said publicly that he felt great coming off the wrist procedure. It doesn’t add up. In short, the context seems to be exactly what we’re missing here. And if the other contextual text messages were contained in these 3 pages, why is it I can’t find an article with anything but these three quotes? Is it maybe because the context would make these texts seem more innocent and therefore less interesting and newsworthy? Hm.Next the frustrating: Simple thought really, but I just felt... weird. I felt weird all day hearing the radio talk and reading the articles about this story. This story is just too personal. Suicide. Broken engagements. Prescription drugs. Leaked text messages. Too heavy, man. The guy’s really just a guy making a living playing football. Does that really mean you signed up for your name next to suicide and text messages to your fiancee? Too personal. And that’s why it’s frustrating: HERE I AM WRITING ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET. Does it matter that I’m trying to defend the guy? I don’t know. Fuck.

Oh, and one more thing. Let’s assume for a second that he was actually having suicidal thoughts. Does anyone really think he would have voluntarily attend a press conference and talk about the situation openly? Wouldn’t the suicidal tendency be to crawl in a hole? I don’t know, I’m certainly no psychologist. But I am something of a mathematician - and this shit don’t add up. [UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER. Who doesn’t love a math joke?](5) and moving right along to this tornado that has killed over 50 people. On days like this - and don’t they seem to be coming more and more frequently? - it gets hard to justify the hours I spend thinking about sports. I spent way more time listening to that fucking Jerry Sullivan segment than I did reading about one of the most devastating tornadoes in history. I mean, I turn on my TV and there’s a woman with her dog on a leash amidst a pile of rubble that hours fell on her head just a couple hours ago, and she looks basically FINE. I mean, she was even smiling. That. Shit’s. INCREDIBLE. … and yet this is basically all I’m going to write about this tornado because I’m really at a loss for what to say about it. Tip of the cap to anyone who writes about serious stuff. I guess I just don’t have the mind for it.(6) Holy crap Detroit won. I know, I only intro'd 5 things, but then this happened. I really feel like Chicago is going to win the cup. Now I feel less that way, but still that way. I think a Chicago-Boston finals would be really cool. Is it just me or is it weird that those 2 cities don't seem to have any rivalries or classic games? Oh, and that rink-length Patty Kane lob pass was sex. It was sex. Beautiful and wonderful and difficult. Very difficult. I'll update with a link if I can. Wild Card out.