The Four Elements of Effective Communication

“‘This—is now MY way,—where is yours?’ Thus did I answer those who asked me ‘the way’. For THE way—it doth not exist!” –Friederich NietzscheThus Spake Zarathustra, Third Part, Chapter LV. “Of the Spirit of Gravity”. Trans. Thomas Common.

Friederich Nietzsche, an atheist philosopher, remarked that there is no “way” to go in this life. Every one of us creates their own way and lives their life in accordance with whatever it is they believe. His statement is more familiar to us today in the form of “Whatever you believe is true for you, and whatever I believe is true for me. So don’t shove your religious morals/ideas/truth on me!” Ultimately, this view destroys the basic ideas that: 1) there is any truth to be found, and 2) finding truth actually matters. Further, Nietzsche’s view is ultimately unlivable, because we run smack dab into truth every day of our lives.

The late Christian philosopher, Dallas Willard, said, “Reality is what we run into when we are wrong.” Though sometimes I try to create my own way, I can assure you that I regularly “run into” reality.

Think of how truth affects your daily life; specifically think of a time when you found out you were wrong on a matter.What was it that was wrong?

Did you have to adjust your thinking? Why or why not?

What was the consequence of the wrong thinking?

Back when I still drove a truck, I was going along a familiar route to work when out of the blue, I hit the curb. One of the tires squealed as it grated against the side of the curb. The jolt and noise of the impact shook me out of ‘autopilot’ making me pay more close attention. Apparently, though, this first hit didn’t focus my thought enough to keep me out of trouble very long. Later in the day, I was again driving a very familiar route and drove right into a piece of curb protruding from a construction zone: up, over, and back down again. This time, the entire vehicle was shaken. I was shaken. Now I had a healthy fear of my inattentiveness to my surroundings. I was on guard.

The Four Elements of Effective Communication

A person might say to you, “The physical universe is all there is, was, or ever will be.” Or they may say, “There is nothing supernatural or spiritual or immaterial.” These statements may express the views known as atheistic materialism, or physicalism, or naturalism (all related beliefs). The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy defines physicalism as, “the thesis that everything is physical, or as contemporary philosophers sometimes put it, that everything supervenes on the physical.” [1] All these views adhere to a belief that material, or physical, matter is all that exists. In responding to this view, I see an inconsistency of thought (pun intended): the inconsistency of atheistic physicalism and free will, aka “free thought.” [2]

In an atheistic physicalist view of the world, there cannot exist anything that is not made of physical
matter. Therefore, “thoughts” are a huge problem, because they are not made of “stuff.” Further, reducing our consciousness, and thoughts (the immaterial), to simply a program run by the brain (the material matter) has the unintended consequence of destroying the basis for human free will. Neuroscientist Raymond Tallis, in his book refuting the idea that consciousness is reducible to neural activity in the brain, Aping Mankind, states, “The distinctive features of human beings–self-hood, freewill, that collective space called the human world, the sense that we lead our lives rather than simply live them as organisms do–are being discarded as illusions by many, even by philosophers, who should think a little bit harder and question the glamour of science rather than succumbing to it.” [3] If thoughts can essentially have no existence in your own worldview, you cannot then be a “freethinker.” For some, this may seem a trivial matter, but for me, it tells of a greater disturbance.

The Four Elements of Effective Communication

“Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for people is gently shake up their presuppositions and invite them to think.” – Sue Bohlin of Probe Ministries

In 2007, I spoke at the University of Houston, Clear Lake, on the topic of “Can Truth Be Known About God?” Some of the main points included that we have a responsibility to find what is true, that it is not intolerant to say you think you have truth, and that there is truth to be known. At the end of
my talk, several students asked me questions, including one gentleman who sat down with me for nearly half an hour. He was a follower of Eckhart Tolle, the main religious instructor in Oprah Winfrey’s life at that time. His main question was how I could claim to know truth at all through my thinking abilities. He said that I couldn’t know the truth about God until I got beyond my thinking abilities to the point where I experienced God as feeling; not as believing.

I said, “Can I ask you a question?” He affirmed that I could. I asked, “How do you know that you have the truth about God?” He replied, “Because I can feel it.” I asked, “But how do you know that feeling represents the truth about God?” He thought for a moment and replied, “Because it is a good feeling.” I asked, “How did you decide that good feelings are equivalent to the truth about God?” He said, “I don’t know, but it’s not something you decide by thinking about it.” I further asked, “How do you decide something if you aren’t thinking about it” and “Did you think about Eckhart Tolle’s ideas before you accepted them as true?”

The Four Elements of Effective Communication

In a passage from Proverbs 26:1-11, Solomon discusses the nature of the foolish person. He utilizes some fairly striking imagery. Solomon’s description of the fool is extremely derogatory. It is a person that no one would ever hope to become. The fool is injurious to others (v.1-2), doesn’t respond to intellectual appeal—only to physical discipline (v.3), untrustworthy with messages (v.6), is not worthy of honor (v.8), isn’t hirable (v.10), and doesn’t learn from past mistakes (v.11). However, Solomon is not setting up the image of the fool merely to describe the foolish person, he is going to make a shocking statement:

“Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.”

It always stuns me when I meet a person who seems to believe that they have everything figured out. They won’t take correction or even a little constructive criticism. They are unapproachable and have no accountability for their beliefs. Solomon says that this pride is more damaging to a person than is the foolishness of the person he previously described. Solomon’s warnings throughout Proverbs are just a small part of the overall warnings in the Bible to constantly seek wisdom through correction and instruction; not allowing pride to creep in.

We must take a position of humility of knowledge in this life realizing we can never “know it all.” One way to encourage humility of knowledge is to really listen to others’ ideas and thoughts.

The Four Elements of Effective Communication

“This explains why it is so hard to reason with some people. Their very mind has been taken over by one or more feelings and is made to defend and serve those feelings at all costs.”

“Combined with a sense of righteousness, strong feeling becomes impervious to fact and reason.” – Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart, pgs. 124-125

In our last Knowing session, we discussed the importance of turning our focus inward toward developing our own critical thought, including the relation of critical thought to maturity in trust in God via the spiritual disciplines. This session, we will turn the focus outward toward ministering to others.

From my experience, people do not tend to engage in conversation of which they have no knowledge. Rather, people tend to discuss things in which they are confident, especially when it is material as sensitive as belief in God. Therefore, part of having an effective conversation on belief in God includes engaging people in the knowledge of which they can speak. As we embark on this type of conversation, we will find a lot of misinformation, falsehoods, misperception, dogma and slogans, as well as some different ways at looking at the same truth. We have a role to play as a light bearer in the journey together with our fellow humans towards truth. I do not say this to sound trite, as if a person who is not a Christian has no truth (or light). I do say this to remind the Christian to be a light bearer; a person who is willing to sacrifice their own comfort in order to discover and gain more light.

The Four Elements of Effective Communication

Recently, on my ministry Facebook page, a fellow believer in Christ commented that apologetics was unnecessary and a deterrent to true Bible study. Though I made a few comments to him, and he retorted, I wanted to treat this objection with just a little more thought here.

First, as you would notice upon visiting my page, I am not shy about telling other believers when their method of communication leaves much to be relationally desired. Is it necessary to handle this aspect of the question posed? Yes. I have found far too many believers “policing” the Internet for people with whom they disagree[1]; who then engage in strident and unChrist-like retorts of fellow Christians all within view of seekers, people of different faith, and people of no belief in God. If Christians want to maintain a respectable voice in the public square, they must remember Christ’s teaching that “as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them” (Luke 6:31), or Paul’s teaching of “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phillipans 2:3-4). Though we all mess up at times, these admonitions should constantly weigh on our hearts.

Christians, who proclaim the great love and forgiveness of Christ, are supposed to be a testimony to that truth. If we cannot engage in disagreements, even in an online forum, without using negatively charged wording to tear one another down, why would a non-Christian be interested in our beliefs? When I was atheist, this kind of strident behavior turned me off, no matter what you said you believed (it still does).

Second, as my response indicated, to suggest that a person either does one or the other is a false dichotomy. A person may study the Bible in various ways: for meditation, for memory, for exegesis, for context, for prayer, for relationship, for instruction in righteousness, for philosophy, for archaeology, for anthropology, for theology, or even for apology. These areas may overlap in any given study time or may not overlap. One reason for studying does not inherently exclude another. I may study the text for exegesis, which leads to instruction in righteousness, thereby influencing my theology and philosophy, and further, my apologetic. However, I do agree with the gentleman that studying the Scripture is a lifelong process of moving from milk to strong meat. And I’m sure I haven’t covered nearly all the reasons for studying.

Third, I believe this is a narrow view of apologetics, something close to “arguing someone into the Kingdom of God,” or “arguing for the sake of arguing.” However, no one can be argued into the Kingdom of God; neither can anyone be “studied” into the Kingdom of God. We can sit around and pat ourselves on the back for how awesome our exegetical study of the Book of John was, but that doesn’t equal lives that have trusted in Christ for salvation. Salvation is the work of the Spirit and is between the individual and God. Study, including apologetics, can aid an individual in understanding the revelation and person of God, which can help open one up to the truth. Study, however, cannot make a believer; only surrender and trust can do that.

Further, arguing for argument’s sake, or being argumentative, is a character flaw, usually coupled with a belligerent attitude and a lack of graciousness. Believers are to have nothing to do with a lifestyle of argumentativeness.

Fourth, we have examples of apologetics given in the Scriptures, as well as formal apologetic writings from the early church fathers. Some examples of those who either argued and/or reasoned with people or gave a formal defense of belief in the resurrection of Jesus are:

Finally, it looked as though his real concern with me stemmed from my current fundraising campaign. He never formalized his view on why apologetics ministries cannot raise funds for their work, but he seemed quite opposed to the endeavor. So on that note: I do two online fundraising events per year. One is right now and the other is at the end of the year. We raise enough money ($10K) to support our administrative assistant and to continue taking events that cannot afford the full burden of expense to host us. My desire is to continue to give of my time and energy toward teaching on effective conversation through knowing, listening, questioning, and responding. When you give, no matter how much, you are a part of reaching that goal! So thank you, Facebook commenter, for mentioning my fundraiser!

Apologetics isn’t a sad replacement for Bible study. The statement belies an error of thought. Apologetics is part of a lifelong commitment to understanding the revelation of God in His creation: the Word, the Person, and the universe. Apologetics is a part of Bible study.

[1] In this case, the gentleman stated that I appeared in an ad on his Facebook or possibly in his newsfeed. It is therefore possible that he was not “policing” for apologists with which to argue. However, Facebook ads run on algorithms, which adjust to the things of which you show a patterned interest. So, I’m not entirely sure how I just “popped up.” Perhaps a promoted post made its way to his eyes or perhaps he’s been looking at apologetics sites, as he implied in his refutations: “I see many things for apologetics on FB…”

The Four Elements of Effective Communication

Since I began studying apologetics, I have noticed that Christians are engaged in a lot of defending and supporting their own beliefs. This is a good and productive activity. However, I haven’t noticed as many Christians engaging others in the support and defense of their beliefs. We seem to have become caught in a way of seeing the world that suggests Christians (or religious followers, more broadly speaking) are the only ones responsible for evidencing their beliefs. This is entirely untrue. Everyone has beliefs. Those beliefs can be productively and effectively questioned.

This week we will add to our good listening skills and to our foundation of belief in Jesus, the ability to be good questioners who do not assume that others have reasoned through their own beliefs. Our model for asking valuable questions comes from Jesus.

Jesus used questions to challenge his followers as well as to challenge those who opposed him. Sometimes his questions helped the hearer discover a deeper truth about faith in God. At other times his questions served to expose an untruth and/or the dishonesty of a person. Let’s read an example of one instance where Jesus asked a question.

“Now while the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them a question, saying, “What do you think about the Christ? Whose son is he?” They said to him, “The son of David.” He said to them, “How is it then that David, in the Spirit, calls him Lord, saying, “‘The Lord said to my Lord, “Sit at my right hand, until I put your enemies under your feet”’? If then David calls him Lord, how is he his son?” And no one was able to answer him a word, nor from that day did anyone dare to ask him any more questions.” Matthew 22:41-46

A couple groups of religious leaders had asked Jesus a series of theological questions just prior to Jesus asking this question. The purpose of these questions was to entrap Jesus to answer in a way that either violated the religious law or violated logic. Jesus, knowing their dishonest intent, asked them a series of questions that would not only reveal an untruth, but would reveal that these religious leaders were knowingly committed to the untruth. So far, Jesus had asked them who the Messiah would be and the religious leaders answered, “the Son of David”; in other words, purely a man.

Now Jesus, quoting Psalm 110:1, asked the leaders how it was that David could call a man who was David’s son, “Lord.” Plus, this “Lord” is the Lord who sits at the right hand of God: it is God himself. This presented a logical problem if the religious leaders considered Messiah as only a man. Jesus’ questions revealed several problems for these leaders. First, the religious leaders did not understand their own Scriptures (yet again; remember Matthew 22:23-33). Second, Jesus demonstrated that the religious leaders were committed to an untruth. They would not listen and take to heart Jesus’ theologically and logically accurate teaching. They were unwilling to change. Nor, as we see in verse 46, were they willing to face the truth at all, for they stopped their interaction with Jesus.

Jesus used questions to draw out deep, personal bias in the religious leaders against his teachings and against his identity. He showed them that their beliefs were not rooted in good arguments or good reasoning.

Have you come across a person who was not making a good argument against the Christian faith? What was their argument?

How did you respond to their argument?

Have you ever been asked a question about your faith that was meant to entrap you? What was that question?

How did you respond?

Have you ever asked a person a question to help them discover a problem with their reasoning? What did you ask?

The Four Elements of Effective Communication

Though I’d like to start this week by saying that I’ve completely changed how I engage with people in listening, I cannot. The truth is that I’m not the best listener. I tend to break in while other people are talking. I often take what a person has said and relate it back to something about me. Worse yet, sometimes I don’t actually hear a person because I’m thinking of what to say next.

How well do you listen to others? Rate yourself between 1 and 5 with 5 being the best listener and 1 being a poor listener:

Now apply the same criteria to a situation in which someone is questioning your belief in God. Rate your listening skills.

Did your number change? Why or why not?

It may seem odd to include lessons on listening in a study on apologetics. But as we grow in knowledge of our beliefs, the temptation may also grow to “give” others at least some morsel of our knowledge every time we’re with people. Even after years of ministry, I must remind myself of the Bible tells me about listening.

The Four Elements of Effective Communication

“The prospering of God’s cause on earth depends upon his people thinking well.”

“Today we are apt to downplay or disregard the importance of good thinking to strong faith; and some, disastrously, even regard thinking as opposed to faith. They do not realize that in so doing they are not honoring God, but simply yielding to the deeply anti-intellectualist currents of Western egalitarianism, rooted, in turn, in the romantic idealization of impulse and blind feeling found in David Hume, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, and their nineteenth-and twentieth-century followers.”

“…Jesus Christ…was and is the most powerful thinker the world has ever known.”

“Many Christians today will be surprised to learn that Isaac Watts – the composer of such well-known hymns as “Joy to the World,” “Alas! And Did My Savior Bleed?” “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross” “Jesus Shall Reign Where’er the Sun,” and “O God, Our Help in Ages Past,” along with many others – also taught logic and wrote a widely used textbook, Logic: The Right Use of Reason in the Inquiry After Truth.”

– All quotes taken from Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart

Let’s spend a few moments dwelling on what the late Christian philosopher Dallas Willard said. We see so much in our current culture that rails against people of faith as having any reasoning ability whatsoever. It’s been posted on my Confident Christianity Facebook wall that Christians are wholesale brainwashed (three times in one week in July 2016, in fact). Of course, these ideas are as prevalent on our airwaves as are casseroles at a Baptist potluck! Our minds will be assaulted by this negative imagery, but what can we do about it?

First, we need to turn the focus inward. The Scriptures, especially throughout Proverbs, are explicit to instruct that humans must grow in knowledge, especially knowledge about God. Wisdom in the Christian text is called “supreme” and is worth obtaining though “it cost you everything you have.” (Proverbs 4:7) Pause and think on that statement for a moment. Let God’s Word instruct you; perhaps look up the passage in different translations. Now, consider this: are you gaining wisdom in a way that demonstrates its supremacy in your life? Would people around you testify that you have this attitude? If your answer is either negative or uncertain, than think about how you are coming across to those who do not believe in God. While I adamantly disagree with a wholesale condemnation on Christians as uncritical thinkers—as grossly false—I can also recall many Christians who portray this very trait…as well as many professing atheists or Muslims.

Things are changing here at Confident Christianity. We’ve updated our look and now we’re updating our blog! Beginning next week, we’ll post regularly (crazy, right?) on the four elements of effective communication: knowing, listening, questioning, and responding. Every week of the month we’ll post on one of these elements. The first week will be an article on knowing. The second week will be an article on listening and so on throughout the month. Each month you’ll have access to training in all of the four key elements of effective communication outlined in Why Do You Believe That? A Faith Conversation and in Living in Truth: Confident Conversation in a Conflicted Culture.

For those of you who have participated in or read the studies, you’ll engage further with the ideas in these works. For those who’ve yet to encounter these studies, you’ll get a look at how to more effectively engage in conversation on beliefs. Let’s briefly look at what each week will entail.

KNOWINGThe Knowing Week will focus on the knowledge of our beliefs. Sometimes, we’ll work through a basic Christian doctrine and/or a Scriptural passage. Sometimes, we’ll “meet” a theologian from the past. Sometimes, we’ll learn how to help others see the need for thoughtfully engaging our beliefs. Other times, we’ll provide links to other resources that help us understand our own Christian worldview.