Friday, 19 July 2013

Panda Conspiracy

Ever wondered, what's the deal with the pandas? How come they are so unreal? Do you even know anyone who has seen one? Of course you don't. Because they don't bloody exist!

That's right, they don't! They are just a nasty hoax, created by some obscure masterminds in the
Chinese communist party for whatever deranged ends! Maybe they wanted the decadent imperalists to believe that China - only China - has the cutest fluff balls on Earth. How could we ever believe they existed? Just look at them! These oversized rodents look like as if a polar bear and a killer whale found comfort in eachother in the vast, lonely nothing of the Antartica. And somehow a bunny also got mixed up in the business. Come on, nothing that has survived thousands of years of brutal, violent evolution, has any right to be so damn cute! And don't even get me started on them not having sex in captivity!
In captivity, all they should do is to have sex! They don't have to worry about nothing wild animals have to - food, predators, poachers - all they have to do is shag! Like a panda Big Brother! If nothing, they should have sex out of boredom, like my girlfriend does with me...

I had this suspicion for a while, but today it got confirmed. Being in China, I thought I should check those giant pests out, and so I went to the Zoo. Guess which animal's house is being reconstructed? That's right. What a strange coincidence, innit? I'm pretty sure, that if I come back in 5 years, the panda house would still be under construction, as it would in any other Chinese zoo, because the buggers are not real!

You have been deceived my freinds! You were living in a lie, dreamed by the Chinese illusion machine! But your eyes are opened now, and so you should open the eyes of others, to free the world of this nightmare called 'Panda'!