Hi kiddies, errr I mean, WADDUP PEEPS!! Name's TAN, aka The Assimilated Negro. Over the next couple days I'm in the unenviable position of playing substitute teacher for the face that launched maintained a thousand few blogs. So play nice, or I'll play the race card.

Now while we the people, wait for one sucker stupid enough to second Michael No-her's bold salvo against womenkind, and we the editors, revel in placing closet-chauvinist Forbes (as if we didn't know) on time-out, whilst simultaneously luxuriating in our role as traffic-cop to the destinationless masses. It dawns on us that, much like Eve eyeing the forbidden fruit, the burden of providing some originally sinful treat for the galvanized, empowered "career women" idling on our servers (sans dishes or babies) falls on our effeminate shoulders. And considering Michael is the man who put us in this position, it's only appropriate we look to the marriage-career alchemist himself for guidance. Thus, we excerpt from his Misogynist Manifesto:

According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, highly educated people are more likely to have had extra-marital sex (those with graduate degrees are 1.75 more likely to have cheated than those with high school diplomas.) Additionally, individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.

Well since the concept of fidelity is apparently so fundamentally flawed it can only survive in the realm of the broke-retard, we present to you, courtesy of Brookstone, the only gift for the bacon-bringin', booty-poppin', cock ridin' lady in your life. The Osim iGallop.

Now if you have a brain, and can afford to pay rent anywhere in Manhattan, we recommend you grab the nearest stud (make sure he's not your husband), then head over to the brookstone site and watch this video. We trust you shrewd shrews will figure out the rest.
Earlier:Forbes Buys Milk, Sacrifices Cow