Not long ago, during a particularly warm afternoon, I got called to check out a guy standing around an intersection, now get this, who was smoking (legal), spitting (yuk), picking the freshly blooming flowers and smelling them (oh so serene), then eating them (???), and according to the RP…puking, yeah that’s right…upchucking. (Note to self…don’t eat the flowers). The guy was gone by the time I got there; another Officer and I looked throughout the area but nary a smoking-spitting-flower sniffing-flower eating-upchucker could we find. Sorry, if that’s a little graphic but that’s our world.

Recently I got called about a vehicle that failed to stop at a stop sign and almost t-boned another; the almost-a-victim followed the vehicle to its destination and then called the cops. So I got there to check it all out and talk to the offending driver, but the reason for her failing to stop, and it was a clearly visible stop sign, was that she was not feeling well…something I hear fairly often. But, after telling me why she failed to stop (I’ll elaborate on that a little later) she proceeded to rip my backside because I (aka the Police) had the nerve to actually come into her workplace and speak with her. I have to admit I stopped the rippin’ pretty quickly, and advised the gal my (or any other Police Officer’s) responsibility under such circumstances was to investigate such a near miss immediately. Our gal then proceeded to let me know, now through a veil of tears and in no uncertain terms, she was not feeling well due to her monthly…well…you get it. Not really wanting to hear any more details, I gave her a quick warning about using caution while driving, even when “not feeling well.”

One of the oddest things that happened lately though was recently, on one of the hottest days of the year, I got called to a residence about someone throwing a bag of garbage out on the RP’s driveway. Oh, did I not mention it contained a dead porcupine?

Course you can’t just throw it in the trash yourself, ya’ gotta call the cops.

So I arrived and sure enough, there was a big ol’ garbage bag all tied up, and certain evidence suggested it did indeed contain a dead porcupine. What evidence, you ask? Well, what appeared to be numerous porcupine quills poking through the bag was my first clue. Add to that the overwhelming stench that my training and experience (you’ll read that often in cop reports) suggested was indeed a dead porcupine…a long… long…long dead porcupine. Of course the plague of flies and maggots working diligently on it tipped me off as well.

Funniest part was this gal suggested she didn’t know what else might be in the bag, hmmm, don’t like where this is headed. I immediately let her know there was no way in **** I was going to open it and look, but she could certainly have a go at it if she really needed to satisfy her curiosity; although I advised against it. I left her with the suggestion to carefully scoop the whole thing up and deposit it in the local dumpster.