Author
Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat (Read 621282 times)

You are evil. No, let me rephrase that, you are EVIL. And as you've noticed, the forty-pound poodle is too dumb to realize just how evil you are. So will you please quit luring him to the baby gate with your sweetest inviting meows so you can then smack him upside the nose and run for it? I understand it's hilarious, and yes I do crack up every time I catch you at it, and yes you're very careful not to use your claws, and no he never learns, but taunting the dog is just rude. Quit that.

Dear Branwen,

Are you just trying to make me fall over laughing these days? I swear, every time I walk into another room it's like I'm playing a game of "what's wrong with this picture?" First the bathtub, now the stovetop.* I swear, if I find you in my sink one of these days...well, I'll probably just laugh some more. And then spend a half hour cleaning cat hair out of the drain.

Dear Lily,

You only weigh six pounds. Your growl is three times as big as you are. How does your little furry body hold that much righteous anger? And for the record, you're not fooling anyone when you calmly walk by the other cats while distractedly grumbling kitty invectives to yourself. Give it up and admit you're getting used to them.

Dear Rika,

How are YOU the normal one??

Love,The Not-Furry One.

* The stove is not getting used lately. FAR too hot up here. It's just got a nice cool glass cooktop that apparently attracts hot cats.

I have no idea if you're the world's smartest kitten, or the world's most idiotically lucky kitten. I have no idea just HOW you figured out you can hook your claws into the window screen patch and remove it. And I really have no idea why in the bloody hell you think that it is anywhere near appropriate to do that just to let the WASPS in so you can PLAY WITH THEM!!!

Seriously, cat. Stop it. I don't know whether wasp stings will kill me, and I have absolutely NO desire to find out.

Grr arg,The Not-Furry One who is sick and tired of replacing that patch every time you pull it off.

Congratulations, Demons! You have managed to completely destroy the left arm of the lounge.

Admittedly, it was a 2nd hand lounge from the Salvos and quite old, and you have been working on chewing it for the last 18 months, but seriously? I came out one morning and found it detached on the floor in pieces! You get heavy-duty chews every day, and vege pigs ears; how can you possibly still want to chew a lounge?

The next one is going to have tubular steel arms and be one of those bed convertable ones.

Logged

Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

Yes, that's Daddy's new computer chair. It's very nice. Please don't claw it. In fact, could you please restrict your clawing to the multiple scratching posts/toys in every room? Please?

When you learn not to claw my computer chair, I'm getting a new one, too.

Fondly,Your loyal servant

For the information of the humans reading this, both computer chairs were old when Buddy came to live with us over Memorial Day weekend 2013. Daddy's chair starts off with the seat the right height for Daddy Long Legs, then slowly sighs until it settles down to the bottom and Daddy's Long Legs are under his chin. My computer chair is functional, but Buddy likes to scratch it. I'm putting double sticky tape on it to discourage Buddy's clawing. Once he gets the message, YIPPEE, I'm getting a new chair!

Logged

"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Your estimated "time to get up" on the weekend is very cute but very unwelcome!!!

Your "you haven't fed me in years and the biscuits you put in my bowl last night are completely stale and I need fresh ones!" manoeuvre (hitting me in the face with a paw while sitting his 7.5 kgs (16lbs) on my chest) at 6:30am after a late night would have a less cute kitty thrown outside to play with the dogs (who are friendly but supervised when visiting)!!

Your estimated "time to get up" on the weekend is very cute but very unwelcome!!!

Your "you haven't fed me in years and the biscuits you put in my bowl last night are completely stale and I need fresh ones!" manoeuvre (hitting me in the face with a paw while sitting his 7.5 kgs (16lbs) on my chest) at 6:30am after a late night would have a less cute kitty thrown outside to play with the dogs (who are friendly but supervised when visiting)!!

LoveMum

Oh my goodness that's quite a mane he has there! How tremendously handsome!

I know the boys next door were friendly to you when you found yourself inside their house but that does not mean they want you visiting via the balcony before 9am on a Saturday morning, they weren't even in. If you are going to use the balcony as a means to go visiting the neighbours please remember how to get back to our balcony because having to get the ladder out again is going to get us a reputation with the rest of the neighbours.

The balcony is going to get rubber spikes soon, I'm sorry but you can't be trusted.

Your estimated "time to get up" on the weekend is very cute but very unwelcome!!!

Your "you haven't fed me in years and the biscuits you put in my bowl last night are completely stale and I need fresh ones!" manoeuvre (hitting me in the face with a paw while sitting his 7.5 kgs (16lbs) on my chest) at 6:30am after a late night would have a less cute kitty thrown outside to play with the dogs (who are friendly but supervised when visiting)!!

LoveMum

Aww He's adorable. (And from one long-suffering staffer for a 7.5KG monster to another, how on earth are you breathing with him sitting there?)

Winding around my legs while I'm doing my exercises for my plantar faciitis is extremely unwise. If I fall on you, you will be a flat kitty. Even more unwise is winding around my legs when I'm doing the final exercise, heel drops on the top step. That could be very bad news for me and it could be several days before you get fed again, since it could be that long until someone finds me in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.

So stop it!

Logged

After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice: If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.

Your estimated "time to get up" on the weekend is very cute but very unwelcome!!!

Your "you haven't fed me in years and the biscuits you put in my bowl last night are completely stale and I need fresh ones!" manoeuvre (hitting me in the face with a paw while sitting his 7.5 kgs (16lbs) on my chest) at 6:30am after a late night would have a less cute kitty thrown outside to play with the dogs (who are friendly but supervised when visiting)!!

LoveMum

Oh my goodness that's quite a mane he has there! How tremendously handsome!

I had a ragdoll and when he wouldget up from a nap there was a purrfect outline of him in fur where he had been sleeping. I have 2 maine coon kittens I am fostering that shed giant poof balls everywhere

I know you like your private "alone" time. However, it is extremely inconvenient that you know how to open the cabinet door that is locked with a childproof lock so that you can sit in your "office."

Also, the emptying out of anything inside the cabinet before you climb in means I have to clean it up at least twice a day. And no, I am not moving the chair from in front of your office no matter how much you yell at me.

Dear Mike,

I never thought that a cat could also be a Magpie. I am very tired of you stealing and stashing everything from tweezers to paring knives (from a magnetic rack) and then being angry when I find your latest stash and retrieve MY items.

However, the stealing of jewelry must stop. In the last six months you have removed a gold bracelet from inside a purse, two rings from the outside pocket of the same purse and so many earrings (from inside a dresser drawer) that I have lost track. Please stop, as I don't have time to find your latest stash when I wish to wear MY jewelry.

My kitties hide things from me all the time. I'm forever questioning whether I lose things or have just had them hidden by kittens. One time I know for a fact a kitten stole my glasses - and hid them under his bed.