Tumblr Posts Explains In Detail How Many Girls Are Abusing Their Boyfriends

Relationship abuse is a real problem and many people understand that.

However, they usually think it applies to something like a black eye or a broken nose. Psychological abuse is abuse too. We might think, those little comments don’t hurt but they can leave much more horrible scars than physical abuse.

However, people have started to become more aware of relationship abuse. But, people usually point the finger at the guy as he is the one in the wrong. Most people only see the signs of physical abuse. Emotional abuse usually goes unnoticed.

You don’t see girls going to jail for emotional abuse do you.? But, you can see plenty of guys going to jail for physical abuse. A Tumblr user understood this problem. That’s why they posted about the abuse many guys go through everyday.

You might even have a friend that is going through this right in front of your eyes. But, you might have just ignored it by laughing. This is no laughing matter however, and can leave long term scars.

Their post soon vent viral as many people started sharing the post.

Some even related to it. It has almost 290k notes so far and still growing. People are sharing it everywhere, as to shed some light on the very real problem that many guys go through.

Some girls might have done some things on this list without even realizing it. And, If you did then its time to stop and apologize. We usually just ignore the emotional abuse inflicted on guys by saying ‘ He is a guy, he’ll be fine.’ Or, we might even look at it as funny antics. All the while if that happened to a girl. The same people would do something about it.

42 Comments

I am 50 years old..and i dont date much amy more..partly because this sort of crap is endemic..nearly pandemic. It makes me sick.Sure women want a guy so stable and strong that she can rely on him as a comfort when she goes through anything..even the simplest things…but..Hey..a relationship is mutual trust.He has to also feel completely safe to open up his heart to her too.We arent naturally great at opening up our heart genuiniely to just anyone..and surely not whole heartedly if she doesnt display territory conducive to trust. I have watched guys bigger, tougher, hard assed..roughian..go so meek because Their girl slaps him around..Meek I say because He just stands there and takes it.Yeah..sure..ok..we are stronger and handle pain differently.
But if you think this doesnt mess up our heads your straight out wrong.I watched him be reduced to a woosey..because she belittled, degraded, spoke down to, embarrased him in front of friends, family (both sides),unsupportive, disrespectul in every way.We need you to do what women can do for men best..Stand by your man..be the driving force of strength behind him..have his back..love him in spite of our obvious flaws(we do that for you instantly)..dont use you..um..leggs as manipulation.All this creates tensions, saps our resolve..makes us look for shelter other places..other women..or to hang out with the guys over you..Our view of your beauty fades away left only with the ugliness of your actions..can also create a space where men might snap and hit you back.
Respect, understanding who we are.. supporting us AS who we are..no manipulations..is what we want eben.more than sex.*believe it or not*.
We want to showboat our women because YOU make us proud in public or in front of friends-family.
When you give Him Strength..He will give you his life.
Yeah..he’ll die for you..ya gotta know that.
He’ll give you anything you want…if you fully respect, support and Get Him.
Cut the crap..and dont play the ,”I can hit you but ya cant hit me” game.
And dont complain if you get a dotted eye after repeatedly abusing Him.we can.only take so much.

Ok, so, sometimes I do ONE of the things on this list. However, I’ve never dated, so it’s among friends. I spam them if they don’t reply, but only with good reason. Most common reason: I think something is wrong and I want to make sure they’re okay. Second most common reason: I’ve lost them, please come back, I can’t forage in this large grocery store. Am I a terrible person?

For the first one, I’d say yes. Because even if you do it consciously or unconsciously, you’re using your anxiety as a way to force other people to be on their tip toes around you. And that’s not a good thing. In fact, it’s a very bad thing. I wouldn’t call you a terrible person for doing that, but I would call it a terrible thing to do, even if you can’t help it.

I don’t agree with the blowing up his phone part. I don’t consider that abuse at all. How is spamming your boyfriend abuse? We want his attention and it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t reply, we’re spamming him because we love him and want to annoy the fuck out of him. It’s not emotional abuse, it’s called showing affection. That’s none of my business, though.

I am female, and I’ve been spammed by women and men… It makes me not want to talk to the person. I get so annoyed and angry at my phone I don’t even touch it for hours because the notifications just piss me off. So, like, for example with my husband. I wish him a good morning when I wake up. If I find a picture, story, anything that makes me think of him. I share it. If I have a question I ask him and wait… I don’t assume his life revolves around me and I stay busy myself, so he doesn’t get upset either when he calls or texts and it takes me awhile to reply. So I don’t need to send 10 messages of “How are you? Are you there? Why aren’t you replying? What’s going on? What the fuck are you okay?” or the “Hi, 2 minutes later, Hey, 5 minutes later, Hey, what’s up, 6 minutes later, How are you today? 5 minutes later, Are you angry at me?” because I’m secure enough in my relationship to not need to “show affection” through smothering which is what this article is referring to with spamming and abuse.

It comes down to boundaries. You only have the the right to unilaterally take real world action if you are the only one involved in the situation. Otherwise you in essense, independent of your intentions, bullying and dominating others which is unjust to say the least. You are responsible for separateing decision from emotion, to catch and prevent reaction and instead decide how to act, in a way that prioritizes respect for the other person’s and maintain accountability for your emotions. Self control and discipline, will prevent others from subconsciously distancung themselves from you ,due to being made to feel like they are your emotional janitor and you expect them to forever subsidize the unhealthy behavior patterns that you could work on but simply couldn’t be bothered to try. How can they get to gift you attention and feel good about it, when you have systematically trained their perception to be this is something I have to do. Having an option does much for not needing to exercise that option, but no optional things turn our greatest joys into our greatest burden. The perception of choice and getting to offer are extremely critical to motivation

Choosing to repeatedly, deliberately do something that you know is unpleasant to another person (e.g. blowing up someone’s phone) until they do what you want them to do (e.g. respond) is controlling behavior, which can absolutely be abusive. It is also simply obnoxious and indicative of a needy and insecure personality

When someone doesn’t respond after a text message or two, the healthy, emotionally secure response is to assume that they’re busy and to try again later, not to spam their phone like a little kid repeatedly shouting, “Mom! Mom! Watch me! Mom! Why aren’t you looking? MOMMMM!!” while the mom is busy.

There are plenty of reasons why a man (or anyone) wouldn’t respond to text messages or phone calls. Maybe he’s in the middle of a conversation. Maybe he busy with something at work. Maybe he’s driving somewhere. Maybe he was tired and decided to take a nap. If you can’t accept that your significant other is an independent person with a life outside of you and might not be able to immediately respond to your every beck and call, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

Everyone knows guys abuse women. That’s why you have thousands of women only abuse shelters. People don’t think women abuse their boyfriends, even though it’s a statistical 45-55 split with women being abused more often, as well as the fact that there are a handful of men’s only abuse shelters, and maybe a hundred officially for both genders, but male domestic abuse victims will tell you that they don’t accept men.

So yeah, guys abuse women, but it’s far more important to talk about women abusing men.

Unfortunately that only counts if your were physically or sexually abused. If your husband emotionally or psychologically abuses you, good luck find counselling, unless you are willing to pay big bucks. As soon as you accuse a man of emotional abuse, it’s spun around onto you and you are accused of being manipulative. Trust me it goes both ways. Instead of pitting gender against each other, lets address the real issue, abusive people.

Socially, perhaps, accusing a man of emotional abuse might backfire on a woman into being called manipulative, but that’s not exclusive. A guy gets laughed at if he accuses a woman of emotional abuse, as a society, we’re not as receptive to the conversation of emotional abuse as we are physical or sexual.

This isn’t about genders, or pitting men against women. I’m saying 40% of the physical/sexual domestic violence victims are men, and that needs awareness because a vast majority of shelters are exclusively for women.

But yes, I certainly agree with you. Abusive people are the problem. And victims are /people/, both men and women, and we need to protect them.

I love it how the article is about men and yet women come here and make it about them in the comments. Just wow, are you really this narcissistic? Don’t you get any attention at all? Of course you do, courts are in favour of you, society backs you up even when you’re at fault, the law backs you up, you have hundreds of thousands shelters and programs to help you, positive action laws, etc etc. Yet, when the conversation steers away from women, women HAVE to make it about themselves or some other woman that they know of.

What if the man in the relationship is the person causing the so call abuse during a long period of time. Wouldn’t it be then called an expected abuse so that he would get the attention of the female by causing more problems for her.

Someone causing themselves to be abused? What? If you’re trying to flip the perspective, yes, men abuse people. This article isn’t about that. If you’re saying men deserve ‘expected abuse’ then, no. Under no circumstances. If it’s cool and playing around and you’re both ok with it or if it’s self-defense, it’s not abuse. If it’s abuse then it shouldn’t be expected and is never deserved.

Placing blame and what people deserve is a counterproductive attitude. If point a is the current state and point b is the desired state, then blame, right, wrong, are all irrelevant. All that matters is does this get me to point b. The only potententialy sustainable options at your disposal, are actions you can take and ways you can adapt yourself and perception. Trying to change others just teaches them to wear masks, learning to adapt yourself empower s you to be successful despite the world’s actions. Wishing doesn’t fix problems, and expecting other s to adhere to your expectations or agree with you is just that, wishing,when you could have been growing , learning to happy independent of the world

This isn’t about someone making a mistake at work. Blaming abusers for the abuse is a *highly* productive attitude. The standard playbook for abusers includes making the victims feel like the abuse is their fault, and learning not to fall for that is vitally important.

As for “adapting” to abuse, I won’t say it’s never the right thing. Sometimes people are stuck with their abusers due to circumstances beyond their control, and in that case you protect yourself as best you can. But if you have the option to kick the abuser to the curb, that’s far better than adapting.

I remember my parents before their divorce, and it was a nighmare of escalating fights and violence. After the divorce, my mother remarried. The first six months were great, and then – her words – “he just changed and got mean.” From the outside looking in, his “meanness” was caused by her manipulative personality. As soon as the honeymoon wore off, she started, wanting to keep up with the neighbors, why didn’t they have more money, why did he need to go visit with his buddies and leave her at home…. So yes, eventually he snapped, and it sounded just like her first marriage. Some women, unfortunately, look for men they can bully to get what they want. It is abuse – and she did it to her children, too. It does a lot of long-term damage that may not show physically, but can cause you to fear relationships of any kind, and any form of commitment. Ladies – and guys – be considerate of each other.

I love it how the article is about men and yet women come here and make it about them in the comments. Just wow, are you really this narcissistic? Don’t you get any attention at all? Of course you do, courts are in favour of you, society backs you up even when you’re at fault, the law backs you up, you have hundreds of thousands shelters and programs to help you, positive action laws, etc etc. Yet, when the conversation steers away from women, women get butthurt. Just get the fuck off!

I don’t think I saw “threatening suicide to stay together”. Much worse than just guilting the partner into staying with you. You may or may not be serious, but the person will never want to take that risk. Sometimes it even scares them away from calling police, parents, friends, etc. because they think girl will kill herself because someone was called. I only know one girl who did that, but I’m sure almost everyone knows a girl like that.

There was a girl I dated who convinced me she was suicidal, depressed, filled to the brim with anxiety and cutting herself every night. She left me after cheating 4 times. The only reason I had stayed with her was, though she didn’t directly threaten it, she made it sound like she’d kill herself if I left. Then she asked me to take her back WHILE STILL DATING THE OTHER GUY and when I said no, I got a text from her “friend” on her cell saying she tried to kill herself and that it was completely my fault for not taking her back. I then found out it was her, not her friend, texting me. That she hadn’t attempted suicide. That she had blatantly been cheating on me more than 4 times with no remorse. And, finally, she had never cut in her life. It was all a box of manipulative lies.

Honest to God, my baby mom was the worst abuser I ever had. I wish I wasn’t stupid back then, and I saw it earlier. She constantly manipulated me, hit me over little things, checked my phone, and literally checked off most of that list. She even ended up abusing my family members, and manipulating me into losing almost all of my friends. It was horrible. Now, I don’t take shit from women anymore. I haven’t had a steady relationship in a long time, because I have so many trust issues.

I think it’s in also important to self reflect when your partner lets you know you’re doing something and it’s absolutely driving them crazy. For example, I have a bad habit of text bombing my bf sometimes when I’m feeling exceptionally vulnerable, he no longer gets upset at it, but instead he’d remind me that I’m doing “it” again, and I’d take a step back and just compose myself, instead of defending my unreasonable actions. We all have our hang-ups and quirks and insecurities, the important thing is to not justify your own bad actions and instead be mindful of how it affects your partner.

UGH I’M SICK OF RELATIONSHIP ISSUES/EVERYTHING BEING MADE ONE GENDERS FAULT!!!!!! surprise! surprise! Abusive MEN and WOMEN exist. Why don’t we just try to eliminate abuse rather than eliminate a gender hey? Also, if you look at the actual statistics, men are more commonly abusive in relationships. I know men get a bit jealous of all the ‘attention’ women get but FOR FUCKS SAKE WOMEN ARE THE OPPRESSED ONES!!!!!! The ultimate goal is gender EQUALITY, of course men deserve to be looked after but the fact is 23% of men are abused compared to 77% of women!!!!!!!!! So if you really want to address and eliminate abuse, the larger problem lies around abusive men, but as i said BOTH GENDERS ARE ABUSIVE!!!!

Erin Pizzey started the first women’s shelter in Britain. When she tried to start a men’s shelter, she was barred from feminist groups, prosecuted for gender discrimination and favoritism to men, and is no longer allowed to step into the establishments she created.

If your ultimate goal is equality, why are you getting so fucking offended about women being told not to abuse their boyfriends? Isn’t it like men being told not to abuse their wives? Because that’s the society you grow up in. Don’t hit girls, but no one teaches you not to hit boys. This is a necessary because while both genders are abusive, people, like yourself, think that men getting any sort of attention for their troubles is an anti-woman problem.

The reason the number of women abused to men abused is so much higher is because it’s not socially acceptable for a male to report it. Then they are viewed as weak, unmasculine and emotionally unstable. That is hardly a choice at all.
Emotional abuse, all together, isn’t taken seriously. If folks can’t see it it doesn’t exist, right? The reason for that is no one trusts anyone anymore. There is a lack of honesty in the world. We are constantly manipulated to want something, to think a certain way and/or to believe a notion because there was a study. Even some of the studies are a lie or changed to support an individuals original theory. If we could somehow hit a reset button on our culture and erase all the bullshitters we could trust when someone says they are being abused or treated in a specific manner.
I am not victim blaming! I am trying to take an objective view at the issue in our society.

Not all of that is abuse. Some of it was put up in there because someone doesn’t like anyone going through their phone. Physically attacking them is abuse; being manipulative is just plain wrong. Putting them down is abuse, any type. Making fun of a mistake is debatable. Accusing them of cheating without proof, yeah that’s fucked up. One thing that isnt actually on here, which i am incredibly surprised since MOST THINGS ON HERE ARE MINIMAL;
CHEATING. Cheating is a form or emotional abuse; you’re holding this person down but doing them wrong behind their back or they found out, that can completely destroy a person if they loved you. You think that checking their phone and wanting their passwords to their phone to check who the fuck they are talking to, came from no where? No one does ANYTHING about cheating, even though adultry is actually illegal is most states, they condone cheating. The very core of where a lot of this “Emotional abuse” is coming from. Before you start pointing your fingers at the results, look at the original cause and take that bitch down first or at the same time as the rest of them.

Going through anyone’s phone without permission and DEMANDING to know the password is terrible. When doing that, even if you don’t realize it, you are displaying lack of trust. I don’t see that as minimal. A lot of instances where a person snoops through personal messages simply due to insecurity and lack of trust. It is absolutely devastating mentally when you do everything to make your SO happy and you only get distrust and a destroyed sense of privacy in return.
Your comment is incredibly biased, instantly assuming that someone violating a person’s privacy is due to the person trying to cheat on this person trying to go through personal messages. “Before you start pointing your fingers at the results” <- You have to be absolutely delusional to not see the hypocrisy here.

Okay, so emotional abuse is wrong, don’t get it twisted, but how come he spends the entire first paragraph acting like it’s literally just as bad as physical abuse?
Like, you go to jail for physical abuse because it’s literally assault. We have an actual crime for that.
Like, someone who belittles you in front of your friends or gives away your number to test your loyalty is crazy, and emotionally abusive, and you should probably leave them, but at the same time, they’re not committing a literal crime. They’re shitty people, but there’s such a huge difference, there’s no comparison. Beating or raping your significant other is FAR worse than making them feel insecure.

Would jokingly hitting him after he makes a ‘dumb’ joke be abuse? It doesn’t address it but I’m getting a vibe they are also trying to mean that too, and something like that is innocent and just for fun with no harmful intent.

I love it how the article is about men and yet women come here and make it about them in the comments. Just wow, are you really this narcissistic? Don’t you get any attention at all? Of course you do, courts are in favour of you, society backs you up even when you’re at fault, the law backs you up, you have hundreds of thousands shelters and programs to help you, positive action laws, etc etc. Yet, when the conversation steers away from women, women HAVE to make it about themselves or some other woman that they know of.

Trust me, man, you can know when someone is doing something suspicious. I don’t think checking phones at times where you are sure something is going on to validate your own feelings and experiences is wrong or abusive. My current relationship used to be everything in this article on both sides. He used to abuse drugs and do really shitty things because of it. I myself became violent and very distrusting for a period of time. I caught him attempting to get meth on craigslist and kik after we agreed the behavior would stop. Point is, people who abuse are not necessarily abusive people under normal, healthy circumstances. High stress in a relationship can bring out many of these behaviors.

I have seen this happen so many times! I saw it in high school and I think mostly that behavior is left behind as women get older but holy moly I have seen some abusive women. It is disgusting to watch and is definitely destructive to the man’s self-esteem. This behavior cuts the person off from friends and family and all those that care about him and I hate to watch it happen. The thing that disturbs me is that people on the outside don’t feel they can say anything to the man and help them out of the relationship.

I was thinking about something like this the other day. I wanted to discuss the idea with some friends but I was afraid of the sort of backlash I would get from them.

Specifically, I was thinking about elementary school as well as high school. It was also extremely common to see a girl hitting a boy. It was even MORE common to see a girl hit a boy and then say, “you can’t hit me back, it’s illegal”. What sort of mentality was that? Where did it come from? Where does this bizarre idea of men being women’s protectors? For the majority of history, all men have done is hold women back and take advantage of them. Not protect them.