A look at the world from a sometimes sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, decidedly American male perspective. Lately, this blog has been mostly about gender issues, dating, marriage, divorce, sex, and parenting via analyzing talk radio, advice columns, news stories, religion, and pop culture in general. I often challenge common platitudes, arguments. and subcultural elements perpetuated by fellow Evangelicals, social conservatives. Read at your own risk.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Keeping the Health Department Out

My wife and I agreed early on, with her insisting first, that she was going to be a stay-with-kids mother. She was going to give up her job.

This was to allow her to raise our children with love, care, and the best caretaking, and to keep the home, and still have enough energy for me.

HA!

What crock.

I have always helped out around the house. One of the ways we split things was that she would wash the dishes and I would put them away after they dried. Every once in a while, I just couldn't take the dishes piling up any more and I'd wash them, knowing full well I was running the risk her stopping her washing of the dishes entirely. Well, it appears she's done just that.

To get around the issue, we have been using disposable plates, cups, and utensils.

How lazy can someone get, really?

I'm the full-time sole breadwinner. I come home after working and I don't want to clean up. One of my sisters says, "Hey, suck it up. Single mothers do it." Yeah, but I'm not a single parent. The law says that I'm paying my wife half of my frickin' income and I sure as Hell expect that buys something. Not the most romantic thought, but my wife hasn't given me any reason lately to think romantically.

So, I've seen our place get worse and worse. I come home and I don't want to clean up. I don't want to discuss it with my wife. I don't want to discuss it with my kids. My wife should be teaching my kids to clean up after themselves. She should be cleaning up, too.

As a kid, I didn't keep the cleanest room. However, unlike my kids, I did not keep any food or used plates, cups, etc. in my room. My room might have gotten cluttered, but it wasn't unhealthy.

I have no training as social worker or code enforcement expert, but I would expect my daughter's room to be condemned. I'm not exaggerating.

So... my wife scheduled a visit from my mother and one of my sisters, so they can clean up our home. And on top of that, she still scheduled a woman we've previously hired to get there an hour before my family, so we could pay that woman money to do what my family members were coming to do for free.

So in addition to half of my pay going to my wife, I'm paying a stranger on top of that. My sister brought along one of her friends to help, so she could see the disaster as well.

They didn't exactly finish, but they did manage to lose some items my daughter considers important. And they did stay late enough that, after I finished putting the kids to bed per their requests, I wasn't going to get nearly enough sleep.

At least my wife finally did start cleaning (and I helped out, mostly by taking out trash, doing the dishes, and cleaning a bathtub). I should tell her I've arranged for my family to come by and clean, even when I haven't, just to get her to clean.

My wife has been cooking maybe once every three weeks. And by cooking I'm talking about throwing something in the crock pot.

My wife lets the laundry pile up to a ridiculous point, preferring to put it into the washer and dryer when both of our kids are with my family.

There is plenty of time she's not supervising the kids, because she stays up too late and sleeps in a lot.

She's reduced our sexual encounters to about once every two weeks, for as short as she can keep them, and she's repeatedly indicated to me she only does it as an act of mercy to me. For example, here's a gem of a quote, when I called her out on looking for excuses to avoid sex:

"It isn't about finding an excuse not to have sex with you. It's about finding a reason TO."

In other words, she can't think of a reason to have sex with me. It doesn't matter that I pay the bills. It doesn't matter that I play with the kids in ways she can't or won't. It doesn't matter that I'm her husband. It doesn't matter that I pay the insurance and bills that allow her to visit many different doctors on a frequent basis.

Yeah, I've done the romance her thing. Yeah, I've done the sit and cuddle and rub her legs with no expectation of sex thing. You know what those things got me? A lot less sleep and no sex.

Once again, I can think back to my wayward youth and be comforted in knowing this is not about me. It's her problem. Plenty of women were very eager to have sex with me on a regular basis.

So, I'm probably going to be responding to some of her requests with, "No, I just don't feel like doing that." Childish? Perhaps. But I have no other recourse. One way or the other, I will be forced to hold up my end of the bargain. I have to keep my end of the deal to provide.

So while she:Doesn't cleanDoesn't cookDoesn't do laundry in a timely wayDoesn't supervise the kids all of the time they're homeDoesn't accept my sexual advances often enough...

... I'm still keeping my end of the deal. I don't have much of a choice.

I see our situation and I think we're raising our children to be spoiled, useless, and difficult to live with monsters. But at this point, I'm thinking I'm going to strongly advise my son against marrying, so at least he will not inflict himself on someone else.

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