Although the fight records officially list Cain Velasquez‘s 5th round TKO of Junior Dos Santos at UFC 166 as coming by way of “Slam and Punch,” the credit should rightfully be given to Dos Santos for executing a picture perfect ninja-choke-into-faceplant KO. It was truly the most spectacular self-destruct sequence ever carried out in the octagon, and one that got us thinking: What are the Most Brutal Self-Inflicted KO’s in MMA History?

As Ben previously noted, it’s a good thing that the 2002 Mark Kerr documentary, The Smashing Machine, ended when it did, because we wouldn’t have been able to sit through the tale of woe that Kerr’s career became from 2004 onward.

Following a pair of losses to Igor Vovchanchyn and Heath Herring at PRIDE 12 and 15, respectfully, Kerr would take a three year break from the sport before returning against Yoshihisa Yamamoto (who held a modest 13-16 record at the time) at PRIDE 27. Forty seconds into the fight, Kerr would knock himself out during a takedown attempt. He would walk away from PRIDE shortly thereafter and lose 7 out of his next 9 contests, all by first round stoppage.

This post has gotten off to an unexpectedly depressing start, but such is Mark Kerr. Let’s lighten things up a bit…

With Bellator 99, World Series of Fighting 5 and, oh yeah, Mayweather vs. Canelo all transpiring this past weekend, you might not have heard that Legacy Fighting Championships — the quiet, unassuming, off-off-off Broadway MMA promotion to the stars — held an event as well. Despite featuring a few names that only the hardest of hardcore MMA would recognize (Richard Odoms! THE Carlos Vergara!!), LFC 23 set the stage for a couple notable moments. Mainly, Leonard Garcia picking up his second straight win since being ousted from the UFC and Pete Spratt retiring following his first round KO loss to fellow UFC vet Tim Means in the evening’s main event.

Unfortunately, while we were in the midst of drafting up another “And Now He’s Retired” article to commemorate Spratt’s departure after nearly 50 professional bouts and 15 years in the sport (!), Spratt done went and unretired. After a 48 hour retirement. Vinny Magalhaes was all like “He did *what* now?” and we were all like “Not this shit again,” but it seems that Spratt will be moving forward with his CP ban-violating decision nonetheless. Here’s why:

That was a retirement thing based on a guy who got hit in the back of the head, that was still groggy thinking about his family and that type of stuff, without having had the opportunity to review what actually happened in the fight. If I looked back at it and my skills had diminished, that would be different. But that wasn’t the case.

Me, I was thinking I just went in there and got my butt kicked, which isn’t what happened after I watched the fight.

(Robbie’s body may have been in the Octagon at that moment, but in his mind, he was already making it rain at Little Darlings. / Photo via Getty Images)

According to figures released by the Washington State Department of Licensing, the UFC paid out $1,050,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses to the 24 fighters who competed at UFC on FOX 8: Johnson vs. Moraga on Saturday, led by main card slugger Robbie Lawler, who took in $156,000 including his win bonus and Knockout of the Night bonus. Three other fighters broke into six-figure territory thanks to their end-of-night bonuses, including Melvin Guillard, Ed Herman, and flyweight headliner Demetrious Johnson.

Check out the full salary list below, courtesy of MMAJunkie. Keep in mind that the figures don’t include additional revenue from sponsorships or undisclosed “locker room bonuses.”

The 24 fighters competing on tomorrow night’s UFC on FOX 8: Johnson vs. Moraga card will be hitting the scales this evening at Seattle’s Key Arena, beginning at 7 p.m. ET / 4 p.m. PT. You can watch the action* live in the player above, and we’ll update the results (along with any relevant GIFs) after the jump. [Update:Three fighters missed weight, most notably lightweight Tim Means, who whiffed by five pounds. Details below.]

* So to speak. I mean, really, it’ll just be a bunch of guys weighing themselves and posing at each other.

Well you’ll be happy to know that “Gamebred” has in fact been brought over to the UFC and will be making his promotional debut at the lightweight-heavy UFC on FOX 7 card set for April 20th. Across the cage from Masvidal will be Tim Means, the 18-3 powerhouse who basically summed up the injury curse of 2012 when he was pulled from his UFC on FOX 5 fight with Abel Trujillo at the very last second for being KO’d by a sauna floor(Author’s note: By now, you’re likely attempting to compliment me on the clever wordplay displayed in this article’s title. I can only ask that you hold your applause for a time when my brilliance is less obvious.) Currently 2-0 in the octagon, we last saw Means at UFC on FX 3: Johnson vs. McCall, where he delivered the most painful one minute beating in recent memory to opponent Justin Salas. Expect fireworks in this one, Taters.

Masvidal vs. Means is just one of many intriguing fights that have been booked today. Join us after the jump to check out the full list…

Last week we broke down the UFC Featherweight division in key striking metrics. This week we’ll look at the largest (numerically) UFC division, the Lightweights. A full explanation of the chart and variables is included at the end of this post.

The Winners

Sniper Award: Daron Cruickshank finally showed off his striking skills in his second UFC appearance against Henry Martinez on the UFC on FOX 5 card in Seattle. With nearly 50% accuracy, he looked like he was practicing on a heavy bag before mercifully dropping an iron-chinned Martinez with a head kick KO. Interestingly, the “Detroit Superstar” is set to face another division sniper, John Makdessi, in March at UFC 158.

Energizer Bunny Award: Tim Means is two wins into his UFC career, and has almost doubled the standing output of his two opponents. He also maintained good accuracy and scored two knockdowns in those performances.

Biggest Ball(s) Award: Melvin Guillard has been punching above his weight for a long time in the UFC. To date Guillard has 12 knockdowns, putting him 3rd all-time in the UFC behind Anderson Silva and Chuck Liddell. Not bad for a lightweight.

(To be fair, Means’ should have seen something like this coming when he decided to frequent the creepy sauna in the middle of a swamp.)

You guys remember how the booking of Tim Means and Abel Trujillo — two former convicts — on the undercard of UFC on FOX 5 raised some interesting questions regarding just who the UFC should allow to fight under their banner? Well, we can put that debate to rest for now in the case of Means, as Dana White announced over Twitter just a couple hours ago that “The Dirty Bird” has been pulled from the card for — we shit you not — slipping in the sauna and knocking himself unconscious:

Words cannot express how much we dislike the group of two-faced, propaganda pushing arseholes that are The Culinary Union (although we sure do try), but we have to admit that they’ve raised an interesting debate whilst digging up dirt on some of the fighters participating at UFC on FOX 5. First, they rallied to get Jeremy Stephens removed from the card as a result of his past transgressions, and now they’ve uncovered some information about undercard fighter and debuting UFC lightweight Abel “Killa” Trujillo that is simply too glaring to overlook:

Abel Nazario Trujillo, another cage fighter scheduled to compete on the UFC fight card on Dec. 8th in Seattle, has twice pleaded guilty to Domestic Abuse Assault Causing Bodily Injury, an aggravated misdemeanor. In both cases, the victim was identified as the mother of his child. In May 2007, Trujillo also pleaded guilty to Obstruction of an Emergency Communication.

In the plea agreement, Trujillo acknowledged that the crime required the State to prove that his alleged assault victim was making a 911 call, Trujillo knew that she was making a 911 call, and Trujillo hung up the phone. Trujillo competes under the nickname “Killa.”

Jesus. That is some cold-blooded shit right there.

Now, we feel that there is one major discrepancy between the cases of Trujillo and Stephens that needs to be addressed. For starters, Stephens has yet to be convicted of anything. His trial date is set for January 9th, and despite the evidence against him, Stephens should not receive a mandatory/preemptive punished in a country whose legal system declares that we are all innocent until proven guilty.