When you’re not invited…

Over the years, I’ve been to some really great weddings… and I’ve been to some not-so-great weddings, of course. But now that we live online — we can see everything anyone we even slightly know does — it’s easy to see when someone gets married.

Which, in turn, makes it easy to figure out when you’re not invited to a wedding. Now, I know a lot of people who’ve gotten married in the last five years, most of whom I don’t know well-enough to be considered on their guest list. But there have been a few weddings I was disappointed I didn’t get to attend.

Of course, there are reasons a bride and groom can only invite a certain number of people to their wedding. Such as:

Finances. Small budget = small guest list.

Wishes for a small wedding. Intimate wedding ceremony means only close friends and/or family are invited.

Location. Destination weddings are often planned for a small amount of people, unless the couple honestly thinks a bunch of people will be flying around the globe.

Tit for tat. You didn’t invite them to your wedding (or other events). This is debatable (more on this later).

Acquaintance. Are you just an acquaintance of the bride or groom? A coworker? If you’re not talking to/hanging out with this person/couple on a regular basis, you might not make the cut.

Past issues. Have you gotten in a fight with this person and they’re holding a grudge?

Party animal. Maybe you’re a crazy loud drunk and you’ll cause a scene. Just saying.

According to Martha Stewart Weddings (!), you don’t HAVE to invite someone to your wedding just because they invited you to theirs. However, if it was a recent wedding and you are close friends, of course you should.

So, what do you do when you’re not invited to someone’s wedding that you felt you should have been invited to?

I think it depends on the situation. If you’re REALLY close, then hopefully the person will be able to tell you upfront why you can’t attend their special day. If you don’t feel close enough to discuss the matter, then perhaps that’s why you weren’t invited.

In the cases where I’ve felt upset that I wasn’t invited, I brushed it off as thinking me and that person just aren’t close enough. And that’s okay.

After all, Justin Timberlake didn’t invite ANY of his NSYNC band mates to his wedding. Rude much?

The Squeeze

The Bitter Lemon is home to lifestyle writer, editor, and author, Holly A. Phillips. She's an obsessive dreamer, TV-addict, and a relentless blogger, who's recently taken up casual calligraphy. She currently lives in Austin, Texas with her cat, Blanche Devereaux.