You’re still here? I told you to leave, but since you just won’t listen… listen to this.

Well I fucked a sheep
I fucked a goat
I rammed my cock right down it’s throat
So what, so what, so what so what you boring little cunt.

– Anti-Nowhere League, So What

Every once in a while, we get oddball (so to speak) stories about animal rapists. Two years ago, for example, a man raped and killed a chicken in Bulacan. I don’t know how you could possibly rape a chicken, but I’m sure there’s something about the shattered rear ends of chickens that can confirm rape. Ah, but if ramming your cock into a cock is one thing, why not try a goat?

Yep, today in oddball animal rape reports (which don’t happen everyday, hence the itch to blog about it), a man killed a goat by having sex with it. We can’t confirm how, but I’m sure scientists have a perfectly rational explanation as to how goats die from having sex with drunk men, but no sociologist or drunkard can ever explain how – or why – you’ll fuck goats anyway.

There was a young boy from Leon
Whose goat gave him a hard-on.
He was told to feed it
But he started to screw it
And the goat cummed and passed on.

Then it gives way to another limerick…

A goat and a young man had sex
Which left the owners perplexed
And while he was humping
The goat died without bleating
He wished that the goat was his ex.

Then it gives way to bawdy sailor songs covered by the Sex Pistols.

It was on the good town Leon
By Christ it was a turn-on
He found a goat
She was a dote
And then he grew a hard-on

He dropped the pail he’s holdin’
And then he started fappin’
But then the barn
At early morn
Was reekin’ of his semen

The young man was so horny
But he was drunk on whiskey
He dropped his pants
At the first chance
That he will get goat nookie

He took out his gene-jacker
Then he went up to mount her
He thrusted deep
And fucked her peep
She can’t hold on much longer

He thought the goat was cumming
When it just started bleating
Withdrew his dong
It wasn’t long
Enough to reach her hymen

He then turned the goat over
The poor she-goat fought harder
Went top of it
The little shit
With his rampaging boner

The goat he started humpin’
He got a steady rhythm
He broke its cherry
Like a dandy
Then the goat was dyin’

The animal was bleeding
He thought it was a virgin
He plowed down deeper
In her flower
And shot loads off his cannon

It took just a few minutes
The screams gave way to silence
He found it odd
That the goat’s blood
Was drippin’ from his penis

The owner named Minerva
Was driven to hysteria
There was the shock
Boy’s bloody cock’s
Still in the goat’s vagina

There was investigation
For bestial fornication
They said he’ll pay
All he could say
He fucked that goat to heaven

They sent him off to prison
And there he’ll learn his lesson
That when you fuck
An elephant
You can’t make it orgasm

The operative word, of course, is lampooning oddball news stories and ripping off the bawdy songs of sailors. Now if only people could make up their minds to procreate with people, there wouldn’t even be a possibility of people like me doing this at all.

Now… to look at entertainment stories and political crappola. Will I do this again?