Open your mind to a new perspective

During a coaching call today, I heard myself say to a client: “I am going to tell you something in confidence. I recommend you don’t repeat it because most people aren’t ready for it. But if you do it, it will change your life.”

At the end of the session, I asked myself “When did I become someone who holds back to avoid offending small-minded people?” The answer is: I didn’t. I am here to share a perspective that will bring tremendous value to many readers, and those who don’t like it can ignore it.

During this coaching call, we focused on confidence, mindset, success strategies, and perceived arrogance. I rarely talk about myself to my clients, but today I felt compelled to share a personal story. I confessed that in the past, there were people in my personal life who were uncomfortable with my level of confidence at times and called it arrogance.

I’ll give an example: when I decided to get my Ed.D., I applied to only one university (USC) and didn’t have a back-up plan. I had done very minimal research on what options were available. USC seemed fine; good reputation, evening and weekend classes that I could attend after work, interesting-enough program, not great but bearable commute from my house, nice campus, and probably good networking opportunities with alumni. I didn’t over-think it. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

I never asked myself if I was good enough to get accepted. I never looked up data to see how competitive the program was (or wasn’t). I never worried about my ability to succeed in the program. I never asked myself how I would feel if they rejected me. I never contemplated what was at stake.

You see where this is going? It wasn’t what I was thinking but what I was NOT thinking that gave me confidence. I didn’t cultivate fear.

My lack of fear made a friend, who was notoriously insecure, call me arrogant. But it wasn’t arrogance. I wasn’t entitled. I never felt superior to anyone. I simply didn’t have any fear-driven thoughts.

I tend to focus on what I want instead of the absence of it. I am success-minded, not-failure-minded. And yes, it makes some people uncomfortable. By not engaging in self-doubt chronically, I see life as full of opportunities. Some people don’t like that because in my presence, they can no longer hide behind excuses. They have to take responsibility for their choices and how their life turns out.

Since then, my inner circle has changed dramatically. I only choose friendships with people who have a positive mindset. They are not arrogant. In fact, they don’t judge themselves as superior or inferior. They don’t engage in comparisons because they are secure and don’t need to think about this. They are focused on their passions and on making their life extraordinary. We can support one another without having to pretend that fear is running the show, when it isn’t. We don’t need to shrink or dim our light.

That’s an incredibly liberating and empowering way to live!

Do you want to join the club? If you are ready to stop getting in your own way and start unleashing your full potential, follow these steps:

1. Believe in your brain’s plasticity

Please understand that you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are just something your brain does out of habit, because neurons that fire together, wire together. When you consciously and intentionally direct your mind to think new empowering thoughts, you weaken old connections and build new ones. Neuroplasticity means that you have the power to change how you think. You can become someone who is driven by passion and purpose rather than fear. The choice is yours.

2. Create a strong vision of success

When you want something, create a strong vision of success in your mind. Imagine it, see it, and let yourself feel now how you’ll feel once you’ve accomplished it. Let your vision of success feel so tangible and within reach, that you become emotionally associated with the best case scenario. Think about it every day. Let that become your predominant vision and emotional state.

3. Don’t feed the fear

If you observe yourself thinking of what could go wrong or worrying about your worth or ability to succeed, remember that it’s just your brain replaying old tapes. Most fears are not justified. If your fear is a true indication of danger (e.g. quitting your job without having any savings or other source of income), then yes, look at the fear, be smart, and prevent problems. But if your mind is creating catastrophic scenarios that aren’t based on reality, stop it! What you focus on expands, so give your attention to what you want to see happen, not the opposite!

4. Gain more perspective

If you exaggerate your perception of what is at stake, you will be frozen in fear and unable to move forward. Instead, remember that getting what you want or not getting it will not be a reflection of your worth. It won’t make you a winner or a loser. You will be safe no matter what. You are just about to have a valuable experience and something good will come of it, whether it is what you imagine now or not. Let go of control. Don’t be attached to seeing things unfold exactly the way you think they should. You might be surprised and get something even better.

5. Keep it simple

If you make things complicated, you’ll be less likely to follow-through. By implementing the previous 4 steps, your thoughts about your project or dream will be simplified. You will no longer waste precious time and energy feeding your fears, then trying to overcome them. Instead, you will feed your strength and confidence. You will let go of your need to control things and to seek predictability. Simply focus on your vision of success and on the next step. Give no attention to the enormity of the work ahead. Do it one step at a time. Keep it simple!

6. Get a new peer group

If your peer group is comprised of people who need you to show fear and self-doubt so that their own fears and self-doubt are validated, well… You are going to need a new peer group. It is not possible to unleash your full potential if you keep being influenced by people who need you to stay small. What you hear people say will inevitably influence what you believe is possible. You must surround yourself with individuals who support your vision of success.

Make new connections and new friendships. Read books that inspire you. Watch videos of motivational speakers and public figures that embody the qualities you want to develop in yourself. If you are really committed to unleashing your full potential, get a coach! That is undoubtedly the best way to facilitate your personal transformation.

About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, online courses, and interviews on international telesummits. Audrey is the go-to coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.