Her eye is almost dead center. I'd like the feel of it more if it were closer to one of the third division intersections. Probably the top left one. For my eye, I'd do a pretty heavy crop. The dark below and the hair above and left aren't adding to the image for me. I think the right is pretty good in the second crop.

That really does it for me! This crop has a very strong intimate presence. I don't know if that's what you had intended, but it now has an intent that I can read. She's hiding, but she's hiding with the viewer. The earlier crop didn't say much to me in a very stong way. There were several paths you could go with it, and this was the only one I saw that you could follow with a crop. You could go with a more "hidden from the world" idea, including hiding from the viewer, but I think it would take a different composition to make it stronger, including no eye contact.