The almost true exploits of an intrepid spinster and her stitching...and all of the things that make up her crazy, happy, quiet little life.

May 16, 2011

WHY MY MO-THER IS A DAFT COW, BY MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP, HIS VERY LITTLE SELF

My stupid mo-ther can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy lying on the bathroom floor, clutching a tube of the BenGay in her fat man-hands while moaning that her lower back hurts.

Serves her right, the cow.

I'd like to thank you all for the lovely birthday wishes. Would you believe me if I told you that they were the ONLY ones that I received besides the ones from my Aunt Chrissy and cousin Bosco? You, my dear and faithful readers and friends gave me more joy and love and understanding than my very own mo-ther did. She gave me nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zip. Not even a new toy or a cookie or a snuggle or a tiny little jar of skin caviar. Nothing, I tell ya. Nothing.

Aunt Chrissy bought me a daisy, as she is wont to do this time of year, and Bosco took me for a ride on his scooter while the old lady was away, but that didn't take the sting out of the fact that the woman I live with couldnt' be bothered to put a card in an envelope or pat me on the head once or twice.

I cried myself to sleep on Friday night, and then had a whole day of peace and quiet on Saturday because Mo-ther and Aunt Chrissy decided to have a Sissy Day and run around in the rain all day. I she gets head colds from this, because when she returned from all of the "errands", all I saw in the shopping bags were vegetables for the garden and a boat load of Clinique. I'm also pretty sure that they went to McDonald's for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch, and then SoHo sushi for dinner, because the old lady said somthing about needing to "scale back" as she stuffed herself into her sweatpants that evening.

Don't cry for me, Argentina. I got even by pooping behind the big girl sleigh bed and then peeing all over the dining rooms chairs. Let's see her get THAT cleaned up! (Come to think of it, I bet that's why her back is killing her today. Ah, the satisfaction of a job well done.)

So, please know that your love and affection are what sustains me as I navigate Life With Spinster. If it weren't for you, I'm pretty sure that I would have moved to a monastery and foresworn all contact with the outside world.

With love from your pal,Stewey

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Hi All!

As you can see from the above post, Little Lord Fauntleroy is rather miffed at me for completely screwing up his birthday. We did manage to go over to Aunt Chrissy's that night for a pizza/stitching/movie party, but I guess it wasn't very fun for Stewey, since all he did was sit on the couch next to me and snarl at his cousin.

Here's a progress picture of the Stars piece. And because I am incapable of figuring out how to send the thread list to those who asked for it via email, I'm including that too. (Please note, however, that this is a very very lose list and that I have substituted a LOT as I've gone along. So if you pull these threads and then wonder what the heck I was thinking, please understand that in addition to the threads on the list, I have a big box of reds, whites, blues, and golds that I paw through when one of the listed threads doesn't work.) K?GROUP A: Blue1- Vineyard Silk Polo Blue2- Vineyard Silk Pale Blue3- Splendor 8574- Vineyard Silk Horizon5- Trebizond 6246- DMC floss 9327- DMC floss 9308- Panache 389- DMC floss 932 (yes, a repeat)10- Splendor 91411- Gentle Art Black Raspberry Jam13- Gentle Art Freedom14- Vineyard Silk Wellesley Whistle15- Vineyard Silk Gentleman's Grey

Never mind Stewey, M-o-t-h-e-r may have been a little late this year with your Birthday celebrations, but I am sure next year there will be a H-U-G-E celebration for you.Don't forget, she loves you just the same.Also M-o-t-h-e-r, beautiful colors and stitching as always.Molly(the Bischon) sends a big birthday kiss from Aussie-land Stewey.XXX