Dear Diary – Page 82 (Early 1970’s – Brenda & Les)

More Brenda & Les stories!

Apparently one of their regular habits was to chase each other around the bedroom prior to going to bed and ………! Given an average size bedroom, and a double bed in it, chasing each other around the room usually dictated going across the bed at some point.

The story goes that Brenda was leaving for work one morning when a neighbor from directly across the street came over to meet her, and asked if she had a few minutes, as there was something she really wanted to talk about. She went on to explain that, while what they do in their own home is their business, she would really appreciate it if they closed their bedroom curtains at night! Brenda was apparently surprised that anything much would have been visible and the neighbour explained that most of the time that was true, but every now and then they seemed to be jumping up onto something (the bed!) and then there were very few secrets!

*****

Brenda was a Registered Nurse by profession (important for this story).

We were at their house and somehow the discussion got around to how people react when infidelity is discovered. Brenda immediately explained in great detail what she would do if Les was unfaithful to her.

She would get him on their bed and tie him down in a spread-eagle position. Then she would call for an ambulance. As soon as she heard the ambulance pull up outside, she would cut off his penis!

As she so lovingly explained “I wouldn’t want him to die from loss of blood or anything!”

*****

Les was a plasterer by trade. He was self-employed and never kept any accounting records. Not surprisingly therefore, he never paid any income tax.

We arrived one evening and he was sitting around rubbing his wrists together.

“What are you doing Les?”

“Practicing for handcuffs.”

“Eh?”

“I have to go to court because I owe thousands in back taxes and I don’t have any money to give them, so I’ll be going to jail.”

“You don’t sound particularly concerned.”

“I’m quite excited about it. I believe that I’ll be able to take my guitar in with me and, as there’s nothing else to do in jail, I’ll be a brilliant guitarist when I come out!”

Footnote: He never went to jail. The court determined that he pay a designated amount every month until his taxes were paid. When he told us how much he had to pay, we determined that he would never actually clear his debt and concluded that getting something from him on a regular basis must have been considered better than getting nothing!

Well duh Sarah! What are the chances of you winning a lottery? You could simply perform a non-violent and very amiable bank robbery, or simply withhold taxes from the revenue folk. I would suggest either would offer better odds than a lottery ……… but then there is Choppy! Life does get complicated doesn’t it!