Sex and Pregnancy: A Short Guide to Getting Off When You’re Knocked Up

So, you’re pregnant! Don’t let your mother-in-law tell you that you can’t have sex during the next nine months—chances are that not only can you have sex, it might just be the best sex of your life.

"I believe the public is ready to accept that a pregnant woman can be a sexual, desirable woman."

— Nina Hartley

Can I Have Sex?

The short answer is: probably. Unless your pregnancy has complications, you should be able to enjoy sex right up until your water breaks. You can’t hurt the baby by having sex—your body is built to protect it. Every woman is different- some women don’t even want to think about sex, others can’t think about anything else. As your hormone levels change, you might experience both over the course of your pregnancy. Listen to your body. If your body is saying “DO ME NOW!” then there’s your answer. If it hurts, try to find out why—your body might be sending you an important message.

Make sure you check in with your doctor as part of your prenatal care. If you’re experiencing vaginal pain or bleeding, are carrying multiple fetuses, are in danger of premature labor, have an infection or have active herpes lesions, your doctor might tell you to hold off at least temporarily. Ask her why, and for how long you should wait—you deserve to have full information, and if your doctor doesn’t have a good answer for you, it’s time for a second opinion! You might also want to ask if the issue is penetration or orgasm—if it’s penetration, there are plenty of other ways to come.

Many women find that around the fourth month of pregnancy, they’re constantly horny. As the second trimester begins, your body begins to prepare for birth—including the blood vessels around your genitals, which can start to fill with blood and become engorged just like they do when you’re turned on. As your body starts working overtime, you might find yourself constantly lubed up and pouncing on your partner.

Sex during pregnancy can be especially delicious because it’s strictly about pleasure. If you’ve always stressed about avoiding pregnancy, well, there’s one thing you don’t have to worry about for the next nine months. And if you’ve been planning your pregnancy, you can cut loose without having to worry about your ovulation dates-- instead of scheduling sex, you can just relax and enjoy your partner. Of course, you still need to protect yourself against STIs, but if you and your partner have been tested and you trust one another, pregnancy is an opportunity to enjoy unprotected sex. Some studies have even shown that semen can have a positive effect on your hormones during pregnancy.

At the beginning of your pregnancy, you should be able to enjoy your favorite sexual positions in pretty much the same way you always have. As your body changes, though, you might need or want to change things up so that you’ll be comfortable. If your breasts are sore, the way they bounce when you’re on top might go from sexy to painful; a third-trimester belly might make missionary difficult. Many pregnant women with a male partner (or a female partner with a dildo) swear by doggie-style. Supporting yourself on your hands and knees, or bending while holding onto a steady piece of furniture, can get your belly out of the way. There are also support ramps designed especially for this purpose. This position also allows your partner more control over the depth of penetration. Some pregnant women enjoy deep, hard strokes, while others have a sensitive cervix and like to keep penetration shallow. Figure out what works for you, and make sure that you’re vocal about letting your partner know what you like!

Oral sex is a great alternative for pregnant women—and despite the urban legends you may have heard, it is safe. Your taste and smell might change along with your body, but this doesn’t have to be unpleasant. If you’re having trouble getting used to how you look and feel, oral sex can be a wonderful, intimate way to start feeling at home in your body.

Toys can also be a great way to experiment. If traditional penetration isn’t working for you, try a bullet vibrator that centers pleasure on your clitoris. If you’re craving deep penetration, a dildo might be the answer. Whatever you decide to play with, just make sure to keep it clean and use plenty of lube. Don’t forget to pleasure yourself, too—you don’t need a partner for sexual satisfaction. (And even if you have one, he or she might not be able to keep up with you!)

Orgasms during pregnancy can be a lot more intense than you’re used to. Sometimes they’re harder to achieve, but when they happen they can be mind-blowing. You might experience cramps or Braxton-Hicks contractions for about half an hour after you come—this is normal, and may be related to the increased blood flow in your uterus. It’s nothing to worry about—ask your partner to snuggle you and warm your belly with his or her hands. Some women even find that orgasms during labor can help ease pain and bring labor more quickly.

After the baby comes, ask your doctor when you’ll be ready to have sex again. Depending on what your body went through during childbirth, it may take you a while to heal. And with a newborn baby waking you up at all hours, you might be too sleep-deprived to even think about sex. It’s a good idea to keep communicating with your partner about sex—if you’re tired or sore, you can make your partner feel loved and cared for with other tactics, like a surprise handjob while the baby’s napping, or even just kissing and caressing him while he gets himself off. He can massage your nipples, or for that matter your whole body, with healing oils or balms. You or your partner might struggle with feeling differently about your body, so it’s important to give each other some time. Sometimes a relaxing night in a hotel room is all new parents need to remember how much fun they had making their baby in the first place!

You don’t have to give up sex because you’re pregnant. In fact, if you can relax and enjoy your changing body, you might discover new kinds of sexual pleasure. Listen to your body, experiment with what feels good, and keep talking to your partner—and prepare for a whole new chapter in your sexual life.

A word to partners: Sex during pregnancy is a big change for you, too. You might find yourself unsure of how to approach your partner, viewing her differently, or worrying about hurting the baby. It’s important to be as open and as supportive as you can be with your partner. She might be feeling self-conscious about her expanding body—try to let her know that you still find her sexy. If you’re aroused by her, let her know about it! If you’re a man, try to remember that your penis can’t hurt the baby—her cervix, uterus and a whole layer of fluid are protecting it, so all you have to focus on is making your partner feel good. If she’s feeling horny, pleasure her in whatever ways are working for her, even though they might be different than your usual routine. If she’s uncomfortable or cranky, you can make the difference for her with a massage or a delicious meal. She is the same person she always was, but with new depths and dimensions, and if you are there for her now, your relationship—and your sex life—can reach new levels of intimacy.

Author

Sarah is a freelance writer and activist. She writes on sex, women's issues, food, and the environment-- and believe me, they're all related. When she's not learning languages or developing recipes, she's researching the finer points of pleasure.