What is Forgiveness? What does it
mean? Why is this sucha difficult concept?

First, I must establish that Forgiveness is a Process. There is no
time frame. Each person will work through the process at his/her own pace. There
is no magical saying or act that will produce instant results.

Students ata forgiveness workshop were asked to list words under the
heading What Is Forgiveness? Here is a
sampling of the words that came up:

What are some of the things you might encounter
when you talk with others about forgiveness?

Again the students came up with a long list and I share a few:

They are guilty! An eye for an eye, abuse will continue, not making it
real, canít ever trust again, attachment to status as victim, people must be
punished, not willing to let go of pain, they must suffer, blame someone,
someone has to pay, etc.

What are your "words" for forgiveness? What do
you feel when someone talks about forgiveness? What I have noticed
is that the words for the shadow side are about pain. The words about
forgiveness are about healing and joy. If you have read or heard my story of
forgiveness you will understand why I consider forgiveness to be a miracle.
The
following is a definition of a Miracle written my good friend Linda Garth.

MIRACLES

Miracles are those moments...
When we forgive ourselves
And our brothers completely.
By doing so...
We defeat the power of our ego,
Allowing the Holy Spirit
To help us correct our misperception.
At that moment,
We hear the voice of God.
Time collapses...
We feel peace and love.
In His perfect light and truth,
We see differently.

2. Forgiveness is a passive endeavor.
The truth is: Forgiveness is a very active endeavor, where you can ultimately
reach out in love and compassion to the other person.

3. Forgiveness lets people off the hook, so they aren't accountable to their
actions.
The truth is: Forgiveness and accountability are not the same topic. You can
have both. Forgive another by offering empathy and unity; yet still uphold the
process of accountability within the social structure.

4.
Forgiving someone tells that person that whatever he or she did was acceptable
with you.
The truth is: Accepting their actions and accepting their true nature underneath
it all are two very different things. You can make that clear.

5. Forgiveness is for the other person.
The truth is: Forgiving another is an act we do for ourselves, to free ourselves
from the pain or bitterness.

6. When you are forgiving, you are "pardoning" someone's bad behavior.
The truth is: There is no "pardoning," just a clearer perception on who that
other person truly is, and what they can still provide to your life, to a
community and to a society.

7. Forgiveness is done by saying the words "I forgive you."
The truth is: Forgiveness resides not only in words but also in thought, feeling
and action.

8. Forgiving another person doesn't do any good really.
The truth is: It not only uplifts you AND that person in ways unseen, but it
brings that much more light to a world in need.

9. Forgiveness is only for religious people.
The truth is: It's for all of us walking the planet.

10. It's
too hard to forgive.
The truth is: It can be hard, but not too hard, not when you have the right
support and perspective.

The above ten misconceptions were written by my friend Azim Khamisa. His
story and website can be found here:
AzimKhamisa.com
or TKF.org.

Hanging onto anger brings
consequences other than the physical. We extend enormous energy on our anger.
Think of someone who you are angry with. Can you feel the power the person or
event has over you? Do you feel yourself reliving the event every time you think
of it? How are your family or coworkers affected by your anger?

Buddha said, "You will not be punished for your anger. You
will be punished by your anger".

"Forgiving enables us to let go of the past in order to create
what we want more of, now and in the future." -anon

Forgiveness is not something you give to someone else. It is a gift you give
yourself. Forgiving the perpetrator for his action does not mean you stop
judging the deed. You forgive him/her, not the action. Forgiveness allows you to
live in the present and leave the past behind. Forgiveness will bring you peace.

On my path of light I learned that we are all one. We are all connected to
each other by the God Spirit within each of us. If we are cruel to one person we
harm all mankind. If we hate someone we also suffer from that hate. The good
news is that an act of kindness or love extended to any individual benefits all
mankind.

There are dozens of people giving seminars and claiming to have a "method"
that will help you Forgive. Some will work for some people and not for others.
Do not become discouraged. The method for you lies within. Once you have a
sincere desire to move from pain to peace the answer will come to you. It may
come in the form of an enlightening book or set of tapes or your spiritual
counselor and a workshop. It may take time. I guarantee your quest will not be
in vain and you will find the help you need and you too will travel your own
"Journey of Light."

I am listing a few of the books that I have found especially helpful. If you
find a book that you would like to recommend, please send us the title and
author. I will consider adding it to this list.

TRAGIC REDEMPTION - Healing the Guilt and Shame
by Rev. Hiram Johnson, LCSW, BCDThis is an excellent book for people who need to forgive themselves. Based on
teachings from the Bible.

ABA GAYLE'S FAVORITE QUOTES ON FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is the answer to attack of any kind. So is attack deprived
of its effects, and hate is answered in the name of love.
A Course In Miracles

"Forgive, forgive, and forgive some more: Never
stop forgiving. For the temptation to project and judge will always be there as
long as you are living in the body. Forgiveness is the key to peace and
happiness, and gives us everything that we could possibly want."

- Gerald G. Jampolsky, MD,Out of
the Darkness into the Light

"When we harbor negative emotions toward
others or toward ourselves, or when we intentionally create pain for others, we
poison our own physical and spiritual systems. By far the strongest poison to
the human spirit is the inability to forgive oneself or another person. It
disables a personís emotional resources. The challenge...is to refine our
capacity to love others as well as ourselves and to develop the power of
forgiveness."

"We have all been the betrayed and we have all
betrayed others on different levels at different times. We have all done the
best we know how in a given moment of our consciousness, and what is required
for us to move forward is the spiritual practice called forgiveness."

Mary Manin Morrissey, Living
Enrichment Center

"Forgiveness is the way to true health and
happiness. By not judging, we release the past and let go of our fears of the
future. In so doing, we come to see that everyone is our teacher and that every
circumstance is an opportunity for growth in happiness, peace and love."

Gerald G. Jampolsky M.D. Teach
Only Love

"What could you want forgiveness cannot give?
Do you want peace? Forgiveness offers it. Do you want happiness, a quiet mind, a
certainty of purpose, and a sense of worth and beauty that transcends the world?
Do you want care and safety, and the warmth of sure protection always? Do you
want a quietness that cannot be disturbed, a gentleness that never can be hurt,
a deep, abiding comfort, and a rest so perfect it can never be upset? All this
forgiveness offers you." A Course In Miracles

"Forgiveness is not a lack of discrimination
whereby we let all the criminals out of prison: it is an attitude that permits
us to relate to the pain that led to their errors and recognize their need for
love."

Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., Guilt is the
Teacher, Love is the Lesson

...Everything can be taken from a man but one
thing: the last of the human freedoms Ė to choose oneís attitude in any given
set of circumstances, to choose oneís own way.

All spiritual masters have talked about the
importance of forgiveness:

Judaism: The most beautiful thing a man can
do is to forgive wrong.

Christianity: Then Peter came up and said to
him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As
many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times
seven, but seventy times seven."

Islam: Forgive thy servant seventy times a
day.

Sikhism: Where there is forgiveness there is
God himself.

Taoism: Recompense injury with kindness

Buddhism: Never is hate diminished by
hatred: It is only diminished by love.

"You simply cannot manifest miracles in any
area of your life when you are tangled up with such negativity as hatred and
vengeance toward anyone or anything."

Wayne W. Dyer, Ph.D.,
Real Magic

"Anger and rage against another person is like
drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." ----unknown