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03 September, 2008

Hope

Location: deep insideMood: energized

I started off today feeling very bad. Not enough sleep, by a long shot. Had my pupils dilated at the eye doctor this morning, to the point that I was literally blinded the entire way to work, squinting like a lunatic, and terrified that I was going to have a wreck (could not find my sunglasses). Not to mention the fact that lack of sleep, plus a modest amount of red wine, plus pupil dilation, plus bright light does not equal "rosy disposition". Arrived at work, again landing in the same state of "am I going to panic about this coming deadline".

But as the day wore on, I never got the headache that I should have had. And I never crashed from lack of sleep like I might have done. And I never panicked and became ineffective like I could have allowed myself to do.

Instead, I began marching toward the goal. Getting it done. Moving forward. Pushing past all the emotions that are inside.

Everyone has a challenge, every day. But we are only privy to those challenges that rest on our own shoulders, and maybe those of our closest friends and family. But everyone has a reason why "today is gonna be a little bit tough". And you just have to push forward.

There's a lot about which I feel hopeful right now. And I am trying to see the setbacks, and the moments of sadness, as part of a process toward a goal - not some helpless flailing that is designed to pull me down. I could write about the seedy underbelly of those things that remain challenges. But I would rather write about the hope today. Because hope requires doing hard things. If you try to hope, but you don't do the hard things, then the hope dies. You need to keep it alive, like a very delicate flower, or a baby animal that requires constant hand-feeding. Because it's incredibly fragile. But it has the capacity to generate big things.