"Continuous coverage of the war in the Persian Gulf will be resumed ina moment. "- Tom Brokaw, NBC News- From Jeff E. Nelson (Nashua, NH, USA)

"We have a good reason to believe he was stabbed. There was a sharpobject sticking out his chest. "- Lt R. Travis, Newburgh, NY, Police Department,cited in National Lampoon Calendar- From Jim Reisert (Hudson, MA, USA)

"The City of Rochester (Michigan) is considering a ban on smokingin the park because people leave their butts on the beach. "- Announcer, WJR Radio, Detroit, MI- From Jim Cotton (Novi, MI, USA)

"We have to expect it, otherwise we would be surprised."- Unidentified general officer, re: the Gulf War.- From Thierry Ciot (Valbonne, France)

"It is obligatory for tenderer to demonstrate that the statedperformance can be achieved by the proposedsystem. "- Request for a variety of unidentifiedpotential customer- From Kass Antanaitis (Canberra, Australia)

Sir James Spicer ... has officially opened at a toilet urinatingValley first school in the neighborhood of Dorchester. "- VNS # 2244 General News, January 23, 1990- ~ Censored ~ Van Binder (Nashua, NH, USA)

"If you could live here always, would you and why? Answer: "I wouldnot live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we weresupposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we can not liveforever, that's why I would not live forever, "- Miss Alabama in 1994- Miss USA competition.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part ofyour life. "- Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on another part of my body,"- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"The Lowdown villain deserves to be kicked to death by a donkey,and I'm just the one to do it. "- A Congressional candidate in Texas.

"I do not feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.There were large numbers of people who needed new land, and Indianswere selfishly trying to keep for themselves. "- John Wayne

"It is not pollution that is harmful to the environment. Impuritiesin our air and water that it does. "- Unknown. This is due to:Al Gore, Vice PresidentDan Quayle, Vice PresidentGeorge W. Bush, Governor of Texas

"I love California. I almost grew up in Phoenix."- Dan Quayle

"It is no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way oranother "- George Bush, U.S. president

"We have to stop and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need"- Lee Iacocca

"I was with additional input that was radically differenttruth. I helped promote this version. "- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word" genius "is not applicable in football. A genius is a man whoNorman Einstein. "- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst.

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."- Al Gore, Vice President

The very best of funny quotes for the readers of itshumour.blogspot.com Thank you