Eddy Temple, or Ryder is it? We hardly knew ye. For it is fact, now confirmed, the rumor that author J.J. Connolly has only reprised one other character in his soon to hit sequel to Layer Cake, Viva la Madness. That character, as we have speculated, is Mr. Mortimer, pictured above with [xxxx], played by Daniel Craig.

It’s not as though we have a problem with Morty by any means, but some might ask how dare he skunk so many other dynamic characters, especially Eddy Ryder and Gene? Well, we’ve got other news also gleaned from Connolly interviews. He has not sold the rights to Viva la Madness and doesn’t sound positive that it will make it to the big screen. Connolly said he hopes to hear from Matthew Vaughn who he hopes will ring Daniel Craig.

Everyone should remember that Layer Cake was done on a tight budget, that Craig was not yet a movie star at that time and that Vaughn was a rookie director on the film, most certainly an expense saved. And now, Craig is just about the biggest movie star on the planet. That Layer Cake helped get him the role of 007 though does in no way ensure that Craig actually reprises the role of [xxxx].

If your return visit to the Layer Cake has been decidedly negative so far, take heart. Whatever the machinations are of Hollywood and big business, we are very confident that this sequel will do what is almost impossible in the realm of entertainment, which is to succeed on an artistic level. But Crack, haven’t you trashed Connolly for being a cheap artist who uses cheap tricks like the unrevealed narrator, and who writes in the first person, making for standard junk fiction?

Yes and no. We aren’t expecting the second coming of War and Peace, some great achievement in high fiction. What we are expecting is the second coming of Layer Cake, only more expansive. Layer Cake goes international. Connolly might not write high fiction, but he is definitely in the Premiere League of regular fiction. We have missed his sterling dialogue and have waited anxiously for this sequel, which you can pre-order now in advance of its September release.

Crack, didn’t you pan Connolly for Layer Cake’s inconsistent ending, crediting Vaughn for cleaning up the story and making for a better film than book, something rarely done in the history of fiction to motion picture? Yes. Connolly though also had a major hand in the way the story was reworked (he wrote the screenplay), and while we don’t necessarily agree with what he did with [xxxx] at the end of the book to get an innocent American tourist killed in the park instead of Klaus, the Amsterdam pill syndicate’s gruesome henchman, we do now understand his logic, as a major advocate of legalization, that the illegal drug world is chaotic and violent and that the more involved people are in it, the less control they will have over their lives.

Obviously that is true, and is perhaps an even better rationale for legalization than financial exploits. After all, a book is a different entity from a movie, and Connolly didn’t have the same interest in keeping [xxxx] likable as say, Sony and Columbia Pictures did. Connolly does have a keen interest in presenting his world, where the dons are the least trustworthy of all, and we feel he has a lot to work with even without the embarrassment of riches that were the bulk of his original book cast. With Mort having sufficient connections in the Caribbean and in the cocaine world, with that world being [xxxx]’s only real trade, and now having him relocated to Venezuela, a stone’s throw from the coast of Colombia, we are expecting to see all the tricks on the highest level of that trade, including the latest in international smuggling and money laundering that Connolly has now had about ten years to research and write up.

Whether he makes it to the big screen again or not, take heart friends, for [xxxx] is indeed alive. Watch the alternate endings on your DVD! Sidney does not kill our protagonist on the steps of Pepi’s Barn with that gun shot. As you may know from the end of the book. And as you also may know, [xxxx] is forced to relocate to the Caribbean or risk being prosecuted for killing an American tourist.

It all makes for a great beginning for Viva la Madness, which we think will provide us with a look into a world which combines gritty London gangster, tropical locales, and an episode of Locked Up Abroad in South America. Jimmy Price, London’s godfather and chief rat, had his brains and those of his boxers splattered all over his backyard. The London underworld is out of whack, pardon the pun, and coke prices, even at insane wholesale levels, have skyrocketed, as Connolly also set up well at the end of Layer Cake. Re-enter [xxxx] later this month.

How does [xxxx] actually re-enter the United Kingdom? And how are we to forget the characters we have come to love? We’re confident leaving all that to Connolly.

Let’s get right to the real and the housewife stuff from the Bravo Series, most of them aren’t housewives, and most of it is unreal. It’s entertaining in a grotesque way, sure, and it’s been holding our interest between New York, New Jersey, and Beverly Hills since the start of New York, which may even be way too long. So we had no expectations about RealMobwives, or even that we’d be able to watch. It was foolish of us. We live in these neighborhoods where the Mob Wives have their drinks, their fancy parties and the gyms where they work out, and the street signs they flash are sometimes our own.

We’ve come from the neighborhoods where these mob husbands have committed their crimes, and we know people who know the victims, of say, the Sammy Gravano serial killing rampage. It’s one of the reasons why, whether we are pre-prejudiced to her already, but we really, really do not like Karen Gravano. Her father was a mass murderer and a rat, making him essentially one of the most dangerous and selfish criminals of all time. She is part of that family–from that family. Karen’s done nothing to win her any fans since strolling her plus size ass into the bar at Da’ Noi and revealing to all what kind of “bitch she was”, in her very first scene.

Her father killed fathers and sons and ruined families, and here she is writing a book about this and that, essentially capitalizing on her father’s crimes, and on a TV show, given a car and driver and some type of salary, and we would think. VH1 must be putting her up, because Gravano lives in Arizona and returned to Staten Island only for this show. And not in a good neighborhood by the way in case you wonder. Her ‘hood is considered the ghetto for our upscale area, and Karen belongs there, because she is as ghetto as anyone on television.

She sits there and says to the camera that Renee is so attached and so proud of the mafia life that she’ll never be able to divorce herself from it. She says that, and that’s true, with Renee this week throwing a party and a fight at that party, and pitching an idea for a website that sends cards and packages to inmates at prisons. But she’s real. She’s the “realest bitch you know”, in fact. We were basically fighting with fists since episode 1, and in four years of NewYork Housewives, and however many years of Danielle in NJ, whose supposedly stripping at Scores btw, we haven’t seen Danielle or Jill or The Countess or Kelly get their asses kicked, although Teresa was awesome when she flipped the table and called Danielle a “prostitution whore”.

Also, honorable mention to Jacquie’s fat daughter who pulled out Danielle’s weave. Priceless. But the NJ Housewives are more real than NY, and the Mob Wives completely own it. If Mob Wife Drita, who we think is the best character on MB, got told a bunch of high sissy nitpicking shit like Luann tries all the time, she might probably tell her to “shut the fuck up” and if she felt like throwing down, she’d slide her shoes off and then crack her face open.

We’re hoping that on this show, so great for us personally because we have been on the fringe of this sort of element and been fascinated by it always, that we could look upon it in its rawest form. We think that there’s a good chance that Drita, our best character, is going to fuck up Karen Gravano, by far the shows most despicable character, fairly soon, because Gravano, of all people, feels betrayed by Drita for marrying her former boyfriend. Important details: Drita is smoking hot and Gravano loos like Porky Pig, Gravano wants to write about Drita’s husband, who is a stone cold gangster who is not kidding when he says on his collect calls from upstate that Karen is a “stupid bitch” and that she “better fucking leave my name out of it.” Drita, is married to the guy for 13 years and started dating him after he and Karen broke up, and now she has kids and a marriage with him, and to Karen, this isn’t just ancient history.

Because she wants to sell a show and a book, and also, because she’s a despicable and warped person who learned from the best. She’s trying to sell a book about her father’s crimes, and the crimes she committed after her father went away because she had to be bad to prove herself and to act out in the wake of her father becoming the biggest rat in history, who murdered in cold blood 20 or so, to boot. But it will sell, because people are fascinated by this mafia stuff. Only, is she entitled to profit off of her father’s crimes? We would hope any and all victims file suit over proceeds.

Renee may be annoying as all hell, and the bullshit she’s always spouting about her poor son this and that. Listen, if someone is sick of your rude ass and texts you to that effect, and your son sees the text, that’s no reason to blame someone else. You are in control of your own phone. But Carla held her own, despite giving up a hundred lbs. or so, got a few mushes in, also winning the verbal argument. Renee is jealous of Carla because Carla looks good, or is a “skinny bitch”, as she says, and maybe even because Carla does have a boyfriend and the attention of other men vying for her.

But Karen? Oh God, so terrible. But keeping pushing it. Keep bringing it up to Drita, even though, as she says, she can’t go back in time and make this Lee thing any different, so she better just drop it. Karen wants us to think she’s so divorced from the life, but then went to a little store in Brooklyn where her father used to collect gambling money and plot murders, and had the nerve to tell the people she wanted to look inside and that she was “Sammy’s daughter.”

She should hide her head in shame, and yet, she is bragging to the cameras about how smart a criminal her dad is, and how brilliant he was for picking a residence right off the exit to the highway where the house couldn’t be surveiled. She’s as proud as Renee or prouder of her background, and while Renee isn’t our best character, she doesn’t have the same life ruining sins of her father on her head.

Karen is almost indescribably wicked. We can’t wait until Drita breaks her face in. Really.

Hey! I’m in Chi-town and really want to get my hands on some of the good E floating around, but really am not sure how to get any, since I’m new to the scene. Can you email me privately with some ideas or anyone that may be able to help?
ThankS!

September 23, 2010 at 8:34 pm eNo. Listen bro, you smell like a fucking pig. Just my two cents. If you can’t figure out how to score, you are a dumb loser. I am here to inform the community–not to help anyone get drugs. Honestly, I am very offended by this comment. Normally I thank people for reading and commenting, but for you it’s gonna be different. Go suck a dick. Maybe you’ll catch a buzz off the white stuff, troop.

September 25, 2010 at 1:48 pm eApologies are accepted. We’ve done a series following amphetamine pills in Quebec, and part of my anger w/regard to that situation is over the fact that these idiots in Quebec are marketing adulterated pills–or any pills–on pill reports. We don’t need any of our best resources on E data shut down because of drug seekers/pushers. Take that to heart. I am only here to shed light on the issues regarding our community. And you should only be here to read about those issues, not to solicit narcotics.

Sven is D.E.A or Sven is very stupid. Either way, Chicago? Stay away from Sven. Protect, the deck, Mint Man. Respect!

Just days after reports surfaced that Teresa Giudice’s sister-in-law and mortal enemy, Melissa Gorga, has been added to the cast of The Real Housewives of New Jersey to replace Dina Manzo, and after an In Touch Magazine report that Joe may be cheating on Teresa with a Sicilian beauty, The New York Daily News is reporting that an attorney for the Giudice’s has objected to the Giudice’s bid for bankruptcy protection because Teresa and Joe did not reveal major assets when they filed for chapter 11.

The court document, released on Lynnchicago101’s “I Hate Jill Zarin” blog, alleges that the Giudices failed to list a $250,000 book advance Teresa received from Hyperion for her cookbook, “Skinny Italian.”

The couple also reportedly failed to disclose Teresa’s ownership of TGFabulicious – an online boutique that sells accessories and clothing – as well as her husband Joe’s ownership of another company.

According to DeAngelis, “the Defendants have knowingly and fraudulently made false oaths in this case” as Giudice’s contract with Hyperion was reportedly signed before the couple’s petition for bankruptcy protection.

The much awaited sit down between Dina Manzo and Danielle Staub went down at a posh New Jersey restaurant called Chakra, where wiseguy/new reality TV star Danny Provenzano and his goon friend John waited in the parking lot so they would be on the scene in case someone had to rush in and get Danielle’s back, and despite Dina’s intentions, she left without closure, left to give Danielle the universal crazy signal (above), left in the midst of a white girl real housewives real hair argument, and then fired off an email to Danielle the next day entitled “closure” that Danielle read aloud to Kim G and Danielle’s new crew of mis-shapen hag friends, no doubt assembled by Bravo.

The goon crew comforts a shaken Danielle at Chakra (above).

Danielle reads Dina’s email (above) to her “friends.”

Danielle’s new crew (above).

When Danielle was finished railing about Dina and the rest of her Manzo arch enemies, she launched into her latest problem–the sex tape just released of her and ex-beau Stephen Zalewski. While Danielle shudders at the indignity with her planted friends, the ex, Stephen Zalewski, a friend of Jacqueline’s husband Chris Laurita, was playing poker at Chris and Jacqueline’s house, in the “initiation” game for Ashley’s boyfriend Derek, who was being invited to wiseguy poker night for the first time. Laurita takes his nephew Albie to some Italian deli to buy some cold cuts for the night, where he drops $543 on fresh mozzarella and prosciutto, and pays the bill in cash.

At the poker game, Zalewski is pulled aside by Jacqueline and Teresa, who find Zalewski initially disgusting for his hand in the sex tape, but after hearing him out, are content that the fault of the tape lies with Danielle and her whorish ways. Speaking of which, Danielle, who is now scared to date because of how badly men treat her–citing the Zalewski example, goes with Danny, John, and some other wiseguys over to the Bada Bing with Kim G, where the old ladies work the pole in an effort to get their “sexy” back.

It is there that we are horrified to see Kim G coming out of her boy shorts. Credit goes to the producers of the RHONJ, who got me to look at a 50 plus year old woman in her t-back. Can there be a maximum age limit set on strip club patrons? By the way, Caroline, who called Danielle “pure evil” earlier in the episode, is looking better and better for avoiding Kim G, and dissing her attempt for a lunch date. Caroline voiced her concern that Kim G is playing both sides last night, which is obviously the case. After we see Danielle showing off Dina’s email (a Jill Zarin-esque move), we then soon see Kim G scurrying over to Jacqueline’s, looking for information on the Dina-Danielle meet.

It’s not like we don’t understand why. Bravo needs someone to bridge the gap between the Manzo’s and Danielle, who have now gone 7 episodes this season, and have only been in contact at The Brownstone and when Dina met Danielle at Chakra. Since Dina left the cast of the show last night, in an effort to avoid having this type of drama in her life, our best chance to see more Danielle-Manzo friction may lie between Danielle and Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley, who is in a facebook war with Danielle, in which Danielle told her she was “stupid” and had “fat arms”, to which Ashley retorted that Danielle should get her “square tit fixed.”

Only in New Jersey, friends. We deeply regret not having a close-up shot of Danielle’s square tit for you, but we promise to get that to you as soon as we can. As for Ashley, who we have panned for having to go to summer school and for suggesting she was “special ed all the way”, we look forward to more feistiness out of her going forward.

Did Teresa and Joe Giudice declare bankruptcy to quell myriad creditors, or did they declare bankruptcy to stave off media and tax scrutiny, as their lavish lifestyle is now squarely under the microscope, as a result of their celebrity?

While we have jokingly alleged that the Giudice’s are connected to organized crime, it isn’t like we don’t believe it. Also, it isn’t like the mafia has never used bankruptcy court to hide assets before. Take the case of Gaetano Napoli Sr., of the Gambino crime family:

A reputed Gambino soldier was charged Wednesday with hiding the assets of his Long Island meat wholesale shop from creditors in bankruptcy court.

More:

Napoli Sr. filed for bankruptcy protection for Napoli & Sons Meat in West Babylon last fall and falsely claimed the equipment in the store was leased, according to court papers.

“Far from ‘leasing’ the equipment, Napoli sold some of it for approximately $100,000…and rented additional equipment to a third party,” Assistant U.S. Attorney Cristina Posa stated in court papers.