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By Debbie Schlussel
Dear readers, please help me figure something out.
I’m prohibited from reviewing the very cheesy Valentine’s Day movie, “Definitely, Maybe,” before it debuts on Thursday, though here’s a goth candy heart hint:

Yet, I can tell you this: The movie is heavily laden with stuff about Bill Clinton and his philandering.
The main character in the movie works for Bill Clinton’s Presidential campaign. So does a key co-star. We see all the Clintonian paramour thorns on-screen. We’re shown footage of Gennifer Flowers’ press conference about her affair with Slick Willie, footage of Monica Lewinsky, footage of Bill Clinton wagging his finger at the screen and declaring, “Now, I want you to listen to me. I DID. NOT. HAVE. SEX. with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” We’re even shown footage of Clinton and his word parsing, “it depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is.” It is referenced in the dialogue.
This movie was shot well before Barack Obama was ever regarded as a legitimate candidate or threat to Hillary Clinton. But coming out this Valentine’s Day, with the race neck and neck between her and Obama and about 20 or so states left to go, it’s an incredibly timed coincidence. And readers know I don’t believe in coincidences.
So, is this movie a big wet kiss to Hillary, reminding us of her husband doing her wrong and trying to evoke sympathy for her (she’s not mentioned or shown in the movie)? Or is it a reminder of what we’ll get more of from wanna-be First Lady Bill Clinton in a future Hillary Rodham Cankles White House?
I’m scratching my head, but I think Hillary benefits marginally from this movie. This is a chick flick in a big way. Those who go see it will largely be women (the boyfriends and husbands who get dragged along). They’ll probably see this, feel bad for Hillary and pull the lever for her in the ballot box in the states whose primaries are coming up in the next few days.
In any event, it’s really jarring to have the whole Clinton thing play so heavily in a cheesy “romance” movie. But, as I always say, reliance on politics in a movie–although this one takes no particular political position–is always a sign of weakness.
No exception here. Stay tuned for my review of this movie on Thursday.
In the meantime, here are a few of my own “Valentines” for the Dem Presidential contenders (the black hearts are goth and are considered signs of hate, not love). . .