Carlos Danger is a tad self-conscious, and Carlos Danger can't help it. "If I met you in a bar and tried to talk to you, would I have a chance?" Carlos Danger asked a woman over Formspring allegedly — and all of this is alleged, though Anthony Weiner has said of Carlos Danger, who appears to be a close confidant that "some things... are true and some are not," making the legend of Carlos Danger that much more mysterious.

Carlos Danger's self-consciousness does not debilitate Carlos Danger — in fact, it seems to empower and excite Carlos Danger. One time, speaking intimately with the woman alleging these thigns about Carlos Danger, Carlos Danger segued "I'm deeply flawed" into "God I want to take u..." Another time, Carlos Danger said, without pause, "I make me insane. More! I'm gonna [finish, sexually] again."

Carlos Danger uses both a Yahoo email and a phone and Formspring, where Carlos Danger's username was (allegedly, remember) Dangr33. Currently that username's avatar is a tattooed woman with teal highlights in her black hair and just black platform heels on, who is leaning in an uncomfortable position on some sort of chest. Dangr33 might not be Carlos Danger anymore, but the avatar's shoes-only attire fits the fantasy Carlos Danger explained when Carlos Danger imagined aloud (by which we mean on Formspring) that the woman was "naked except for some amazing fuckme shoes."

Though Carlos Danger, you see, according to the woman, seems to have been a virgin, or at least Carlos Danger did not have sex with her. Though (allegedly, again) he did make plans to buy her a condo in Chicago where they could consummate their romance, which began allegedly on July 12, 2012, days after Anthony Weiner's friends began murmuring about his potential return to politics, and days before Weiner and his wife sat for an interview with People magazine. Regardless, Carlos Danger did often have a somewhat erect penis hanging out of tighty-whities (when there was underwear present at all) and a penchant from birds-eye-view camera shots.

Sometimes Anthony Weiner talks like he and Carlos Danger are one — and there is a chance that Carlos Danger also talks with Anthony Weiner's brother. One alleged Facebook message to the woman, after Weiner's famous New York TimesMagazine article and soon-after announcement to run for mayor of New York City, read: "my brother emailed me asking about you and whether i pissed you off."

You see, Carlos Danger and this woman were once in love, says the woman. But now it seems Carlos Danger has gone away.

We do not know what Anthony Weiner did to Carlos Danger. In all likelihood, no one but Weiner knows. Maybe Weiner killed Carlos Danger. Or maybe Carlos Danger is just in hiding because Carlos Danger is a tad self-conscious, and wishes Carlos Danger had never been found at all.