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A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just
roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.

Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow…
Love,
Mom.

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain
on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on
oneself.

Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you
call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage
you did while trying to change out a light socket with your
handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the
damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary
few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind
the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes
off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard
with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to
cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that
you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principle to
harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging
complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old
paint off the side of the house.

Chain Saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that
you accidentally built completely around yourself.