Don't be so beastly!

There was a time when you could sing, "I love little pussy, her coat is so warm" without fear of innuendo. There was no pun intended when Edward Lear wrote, "O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love, what a beautiful Pussy you are." Puss or pussy has been the nursery term for a cat since the early 16th century. For almost as long, of course, it has also been used to denote sexual intercourse, a woman and female genitalia. (It is safe to assume, for example, that the toast, "Here's a health to thee, to Pusse and to good company", recorded in 1664, was not a tribute to Tibbles.) But not everyone was familiar with tavern slang, and pussy remained a term of endearment for women, as well as cats, well into the 19th century.

These days, however, it has become impossible to stroke your pussy without double entendre. The word has mutated into a nudge-nudge gag, a thread that runs from Pussy Galore to Harry Enfield's Gary Bloke, who calls Atomic Kitten "Nuclear Pussy".

By the 1970s, pussy jokes had become more corny than coarse, an acceptable comic staple exemplified by the sitcom Are You Being Served? No episode was complete without Mrs Slocombe's pussy. "Do you know, I found my pussy trapped in my drawers!" Chuckle, chuckle. "The least sign of danger, and my pussy's hair stands on end." Titter, titter. The word has lost its power to shock, but no one now is unworldly enough to call a cat a pussy without a wry grin.

Female dogs, however, really do have something to bitch about. Bitch comes from the Old English "bicce", meaning female dog. By the 15th century it was being used as a fairly jocular insult for both men and women. But by 1796, according to the Dictionary Of The Vulgar Tongue, it had become "the most offensive appellation that can be given to an Englishwoman, even more provoking than that of whore".

The word "bitch" is now ubiquitous. It's everywhere from "Life's a bitch" coffee mugs to "Bitch on board" bumper stickers, from Ice Cube ("Life ain't nothing but bitches and money") to Eminem ("There's three things I hate: girls, women and bitches"). It's commonplace to describe enemies, friends or even yourself as a bitch.

The word has also been "reclaimed" by some feminists. The American magazine Bitch took its name because " 'Bitch' is often hurled at women who speak their minds. We'll take that as a compliment, thanks." The French feminist organisation Chiennes de Garde ("guard bitches") chose a deliberately provocative name because "wearing the name 'bitches' proudly is a way of reconquering language". Similar attempts have been made to celebrate "pussy power".

For lots of people, though, "bitch" is still deeply offensive, particularly when it's used by men to describe women. While other swear words become less taboo, bitch still has the power to ruffle feathers. This is why owners of actual bitches or sons of bitches rarely use the word to describe their pets.

The original meaning of the word, however, isn't quite on its way to obsolescence. Bitch is still uttered without grimace or irony around the show ring and there is also a brand of pet food called "Bitch Diet". But this is aimed at a niche market of serious dog breeders, most of whom have probably never heard rap. It is unlikely to find its way on to supermarket shelves alongside puppy treats and senior cat food. If it did, it would have to be called something like "Lady Dog" or "Dogette".

People have a knack of turning animal words into insults or something else entirely unrelated: cow, pig, cock, beaver, ass all spring to mind. Even the word "animal" is commonly used as an insult. Perhaps animals should start reclaiming the language. But then, who knows what they call us?