for family members who wish to add me when you find out who I "was" : you can learn more about gender things at http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/category/gender-2/
if you can't use my chosen name and pronouns (she/her), then I don't want you to talk to me. Using my old name or misgendering me is a form of disrespect and considered by most to be a microaggression/violence.