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Wednesday October 10, 2012 8:29 AM

Dear Carolyn: My grandma is dying; her cancer was found too late. She went from being moderately
healthy to having only a couple of months left.

I live 10 hours away by car. My sister lives six hours away by plane. Neither of us knows when
to be there. My parents avoid sharing unpleasant news.

Do I go now while she is still doing pretty well? Later? I talk to her regularly fear I will
make the wrong choice.

— Grief and Anxiety

Dear Grief: There is no too soon; there’s only too late. Visit your grandma as soon as you can
for as long as you can and more than once if you can. I’m sorry.

Dear Carolyn: My brother is defensive about his wife, so I have stopped being honest in my
conversations with him about his life choices. The choices are usually desperate attempts to make
her happy — which seems an unlikely outcome, as she has (in my opinion) an anxiety disorder and is
always agitated and upset. My brother and I used to be close and would have spoken honestly. Is
pulling all my punches the best or only way to go?

Listening will encourage your brother to come to his own conclusions, which are the only ones on
which he will ever act.

When he asks, answer truthfully. When he doesn’t ask, assume that he knows.

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend of two years asked me whether I wanted to go on a cruise with him. I
said no, because I had other financial obligations. He said he would go alone as a Christmas gift
to himself!

I paid for two vacations — one to Key West, Fla.; and the other to New York.

This is a man who tells me we are a couple and we do nothing alone.

Is it finally time for me to say goodbye?

— Rather Confused

Dear Confused: Apparently — but not just because he’s cruising alone. On its own, his “Christmas
gift to himself” is more of a forehead slapper than a deal breaker, with an easily made
counterpoint: “I gladly paid for your Key West and New York trips. I’m really hurt.” Then he could
say his piece, which would probably answer your is-it-time question.

The reason you needn’t work that hard for your answer: This man “tells me we are a couple and we
do nothing alone”? That sounds like the last thing someone says before you break up with him or
her.

But, when you put “finally” in the “Is it time to break up?” question, that’s all you need to
get to your answer.