Mallrats Quotes

T.S. Quint: [Reading the break-up letter that Renee gave Brodie] Woah, she calls you "callow" in here.Brodie: You say that like it's bad.T.S. Quint: It means frightened and weak-willed.Brodie: Really? Shit. That was the only part of the letter I thought was complimentary.

Brodie: You know about this game show they got goin' on here? We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen.Jay: Is that it? We were gonna do that anyway.Brodie: Really? Why?Jay: What else are we gonna do?

Jay: You're fucking kidding me! The Easter bunny did this?Brodie: All I said was that the Easter bunny at the Menlo Park mall was more convincing and he just jumped the railing and knocked me down.Jay: He's fucking dead!Brodie: Oh let it go, he's under a lot of pressure.[T.S. and Gwen approach them]T.S. Quint: What the hell happened?Jay: The guy in the Easter bunny suit kicked his ass.Brodie: I had it coming.Jay: [to Silent Bob] Fuck all that shit. Come on, Silent Bob.[Jay and Silent Bob leave]T.S. Quint: What really happened?Brodie: The proprietor of Fashionable Male beat a raincheck into my stomach.Gwen: Shannon Hamilton?T.S. Quint: You know that guy?Gwen: I went out with him once after we dated. He tried to screw me some place very uncomfortable.T.S. Quint: What? Like the back of a Volkswagen?Brodie: Sounds like his M.O.

Shannon Hamilton: Smart-ass ex-boyfriend! I've got two things to tell you. One: I don't like you. I see you every week in this mall. I don't like you shiftless layabouts. You're one of those fucking mallrat kids. You don't come to the mall to shop or work. You hang out and act like you fucking live here. Well, I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda.Brodie: Is this what's known as motivated salesmanship?[Shannon Hamilton beats up Brodie]Shannon Hamilton: Rene told me to leave you alone, but she's fucking clueless. The newly single always feel a bit protective of the ex-boyfriend.Brodie: If this is her idea of protective, I'd hate to have her mad at me.Shannon Hamilton: You see, Bruce, I like to pick up girls on the rebound from a disappointing relationship. They're much more in need of solace and they're fairly open to suggestion. And, I use that to fuck them some place very uncomfortable.Brodie: What, like the back of a Volkswagen?

[Silent Bob is trying to levitate a cigarette]T.S. Quint: What's he doing?Jay: Shithead here watched Empire and Jedi last week and ever since then, he's been trying to do the Jedi mind trick. The crazy fuck thinks he can levitate shit with his thoughts.[slaps the cigarette out of Silent Bob's hand]Jay: Knock it off.Brodie: [to Silent Bob] The force is strong with this one.Jay: Dude, don't encourage him.

Tricia Jones: I heard that you were going to propose to Brandi Svenning at some theme park. When are men going to learn that women want ROMANCE, not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride...Brodie: Hey, now, be fair. EVERYONE wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

T.S. Quint: I was going to propose to her.Brodie: Where?T.S. Quint: The Universal Tour.Brodie: You're kidding. What part?T.S. Quint: When Jaws popped out of the water.Brodie: That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.T.S. Quint: Too bad I'm not trying to marry you.

Okay Lunchbox, let's try this again. We tie you to the roof and you jump off and sail like a Spitfire passing right over the arch nemesis La Fours. You then swing up to the stage and knock out the pin. And when that's gone the stage is trashed and we go smoke a bowl. You got it? Now get your fat ass up there. And dude, don't forget your helmet. Snoogens.

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Little Girl: [looking at a Magic Eye poster] Wow. It's a schooner.Willam Black: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastard. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.Little Boy: A schooner IS a sailboat stupid head.Willam Black: [becoming enraged] You know what. There is NO Easter Bunny. Over there, that's just a guy in a suit.

Rene: What are you doing? You promised me breakfast.Brodie: Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime.