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Single John Responds: My Girlfriend Never Tells Me What's Wrong!

Dear Single John, I am a 20 year old guy .I have been dating someone for the last year and a half. She is intelligent, sweet, caring, artistic, understanding, and an entire laundry list of other amazing things. Nevertheless, our relationship has been suffering from one issue...she never says what’s wrong with her, and yet she still carries around the angry disposition, then finds additional things to be upset about. Whether it is something as small as me not returning a phone call, or as large as me appearing to be flirting with her friend, I end up feeling at times like I’m living with the Spanish Inquisition, but that I’m being tried in secret. I want listen to what she has to say, but I’m beginning to lose patience. Is there something I can do, or should I just go with my gut and leave? What are other females’ take on this?

You want other females’ take on this—I feel like you’re about to get it (from the commenters).

As for me, I say, “talk to her” and throw down an ultimatum or two, but in the end, I think you’re going to “go with your gut” because I think you’ve actually already made the decision to.

There’s no trick here. You’ve already noted that communication is the key to any relationship. But there’s another one—trust. You can have all the communication in the world, but it ain’t worth jack if she doesn’t trust you.

Being overly concerned with unreturned phone calls, and worrying about you flirting with her friends ultimately boils down to insecurity (probably the reason she doesn’t like talking about things directly—she’s afraid of what she will hear), and her not trusting you.

That being said, she needs to know you like her enough that she doesn’t have to worry.

A few weeks ago, I had an interesting talk with my friend Alex. She professed that “if you’re thinking about how it’s going to end, it’s already over.” I don’t agree with this, across the board, but it’s something to think about.

Do you really want to save this thing, or are you looking for reasons to jet? What do you guys think? Do they have work to do, or should he run for the hills?