I’ve been a practicing Buddhist for the past 11 or so years—let me explain it to you. Because I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t understand it otherwise…

First of all, you have to have these special beads. That’s what makes you a member of our club. And you can’t get them at any store. You can only find them in indie shops that you wouldn’t really know about unless you’re friends with me or someone I know. Or if you’ve traveled and lived abroad in Asia, which I doubt you have.

Photo: how lucky we are

Also, it’s nice to have some flags. Monks in Asia call them prayer flags, but if you are a Buddhist and you’re from America, they’re known as climbing flags. They are placed at the tops of really high peaks to symbolize what a bad-ass-mother-fucker you are because you climbed a mountain that most other people will never in their life climb because they are lazy or because they’d rather do ones that are more mainstream. Not you. Not a chance.

Next, you need to meditate. Like, a lot. And wear your beads to work and hang your prayer flags in your office so others can see ‘em. Oh, and try to drop Namaste in ordinary conversation wherever appropriate. Or, go the other direction—make fun of those who say Namaste, that’s probably safer. Either way, if you could let the others around you know how long you’ve meditated today, that would definitely make you more authentic. The longer the sesh, the deeper you are. No doubt. No doubt.

Talking about the days of Trungpa also make you a more legit Buddhist, particularly if you weren’t alive during his lifetime. And please, don’t use his full name. If you know you know. If you don’t, why is that my fault? Your parents’ copies of his books can get you a lot of clout in the right sangha situations. So make sure to have those handy.

Drop words and phrases like: “spiritual materialism,” “duality” and “ego” randomly in conversation at work or at parties and get ready to laugh your ass off. They’ll seriously have no clue. Sad. And it’s best not to say you’re a Buddhist ‘cause you don’t want to seem like you’re trying too hard. Make others guess by your attitude, your presence and your aura.

What’s that? You say you slept with your best friend’s wife? Don’t worry about it. Just tell him he clearly needs to work on non-attachment (not that he’d get what you’re saying). But at least you can say you tried to help him work with his mind.

Though pretentious yuppies abound in Brie’s home town of Boulder, CO, she can’t seem to find another place she’d rather live. But she’s been fortunate enough to try many places. From NYC to New Zealand, SE Asia, Japan, Nepal and India, Brie has traveled the world seeking adventure and stories to share. Pre-babies, she was a middle school teacher and a yoga teacher, but now that she is pumping out children, she stays at home and writes. She has written two novels, one based in India, one based in New York, and she is furiously seeking publication. In the meantime, she can be found making light of life on her blog: www.briedoyle.com.

Daily Wake-Up Call Newsletter

Get elephant's Daily Wake Up Call: a gap for inspiration & meaning in the inbox of your mind

About elephant journal

elephant journal is dedicated to "bringing together those working (and playing) to create enlightened society." We're about anything that helps us to live a good life that's also good for others, and our planet. >>> Founded as a print magazine in 2002, we went national in 2005 and then (because mainstream magazine distribution is wildly inefficient from an eco-responsible point of view) transitioned online in 2009. >>> elephant's been named to 30 top new media lists, and was voted #1 in the US on twitter's Shorty Awards for #green content...two years running. >>> Get involved: > Subscribe to our free Best of the Week e-newsletter. > Follow us on Twitter Fan us on Facebook. > Write: send article or query. > Advertise. > Pay for what you read, help indie journalism survive and thrive—and get your name/business/fave non-profit on every page of elephantjournal.com. Questions? info elephantjournal com

17058037 Responseshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.elephantjournal.com%2F2011%2F05%2Fhipster-101-how-to-be-a-buddhist-brie-doyle%2FHipster+101%3A+How+to+Be+a+Buddhist.+%7E+Brie+Doyle2011-05-25+16%3A56%3A14elephant+journalhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.elephantjournal.com%2F%3Fp%3D170580 to “Hipster 101: How to Be a Buddhist. ~ Brie Doyle”

What is the purpose of this article? I am a Buddhist – I have mala beads and I use them for chanting – I study the Shambhala lineage – yes, Trungpa – does that make me less authentic? I don't have any place to hang a prayer flag in my office but if I did and someone asked me about it and it lead to some knowledge-sharing, is that awful and pretentious? I'll be sure to work on having compassion for this insecure author – apologies for the sanctimony….

No, I do all those things too…I think the purpose is just to make fun of doing so for show. Sense of humor about ourselves is always healthy, if not unkind…and I don't think this is making fun of the genuine thing, but the "wearing malas for fashion" kinda mentality. You know, spiritual materialism! ~ W.

I think there is a difference between taking your mala with you to the office so you can do a few OM MANI PADME HUMs on lunch break – but that is different from working your mala while standing in the Kroger checkout line.

If you can't laugh at yourself, oh boy! Don't take yourself so seriously is, I think what she was trying to convey. All the ritual stuff is great and really important but if you are doing it for show, oh boy! Come on people laugh a little. My parents neighbor God bless her is a devout Catholic and I mean devout. She goes to Church seven days a week but give her the opportunity to steal five bucks from somone, she will, but she does go to Church all week though. On Sunday when she is praying with everyone she is all smiles and hugs, as soon as she leaves the parking lot it's everyone for themselves and especially that woman that cut her off in the parking lot. Live, Laugh and Love, the Mala beads are great, but use them for what they are intented for!'

it's articles like these that make me wonder why I thought so highly of this mainstream hipster blog site. I'm no Buddhist, but I believe in peace and love. I just finished my book on balancing my chakras twice and the negativity exuded here makes me realize that, there is still much turmoil within me.

Hey there! Just for the record, we accept and publish from many different perspectives and viewpoints. And we like humour…even (especially) poking fun at ourselves and our inner turmoil now and then. 😉 ~ Ed.

I've been meditating since I started practicing yoga in 1999. My interest peaked several years later during my yoga teacher training when Geshe Dakpa Topgyal came to the yoga center to talk to the class about Tibetan Buddhism. I started to read a bit back then, but lately, I can't seem to learn enough. Some may think it's weird how I crave Buddhist knowledge more now than ever before, but I'm one of those people who could care less about who thinks what about me. I know I'm not materialistic, spiritually or otherwise. I actually found my latest book at Goodwill. But my point here is simple. The study of Buddhism is definitely making me a happier, healthier person. Not only have I learned more meditation techniques, I’ve caught myself practicing tonglen in cases where in the past I would have ripped someone’s head off verbally. And my road rage that is triggered out of fear has become more like “Get the fuck over you asshole – OH and may you be HAPPY, etc.!” I know that’s not how tonglen is supposed to go, but I’m getting there. I seem to get over that fear quicker too and I may not be as fearful as before. For me, yoga was just a springboard to learning to let go and be, whereas Buddhism is the pool of peace. However, I do want Mala beads because I think they are beautiful. And anyone who may think I’m being a trendy when I do wear them will be exactly right. I’ll be wearing them as a fashion statement, not a Buddhist statement. Even if I’d never heard the word Buddhism, I’m sure I would still wear the Mala. Oh and last but not least, Namaste…

And, TimesNewRoman, bravo for your consistently constructive comments on the Boulder Daily Camera about the less expensive towns in our county. (Which I recognized after clicking your name above.) Up the road is "Wrongmont," aka "Methmont," aka "Longtucky," which is home to a "Longmont loser" who should "go back to Longmont." To the south is "Doomfield." And, to the east is Firestone, which is a "special depth of suburban hell."

But, throw those rocks at our Boulder and we will belittle your appearance in order to force an embarrassed retreat! (Debating content would be to exhausting). A reader using an anonymous pseudonym makes tired jokes about rival hicks and people's looks, but an author using her real name and photo dare not poke fun at the up-tight locals … Yawn ….

Brie, for what it is worth: I am not bad-ass enough to plant them, and I don’t know where to buy them. But, I do find a calming beauty in images of brightly colored prayer flags atop desolate mountain tops. Mock me, if you will! Cheers, and thanks for lightening my day.

Great and funny post, Brie! I'm Asian, Buddhist, grew up in Colorado and practice yoga. I should be offended on every level but luckily, my self esteem is so low I assume I deserve to be dumped on. It's kind of funny to see how serious people are about their dogma. It's called satire and humor, maybe a laugh would be good?

This article is shallow and just not funny to me at all. I notice that this style of writing appears more often these days. Unfortunately it's published on websites that I go to to read quality writing.
To me, it's annoying to read articles with sentences such as this; "Next, you need to meditate. Like, a lot." "Like?" Maybe in conversation if the 80's Valley Girl in you has to slip out, but not in writing! Grow up and please don't quit your day job.
And it's because, not "'cause."
Waste of time reading this.