Hi everybody. I’m feeling a bit flat and worn out today but after reading all these posts, they’re so supportive and it’s so good to find others like me, that I wanted to say hello before I went to bed. I was diagnosed at the end of last month, aged 50. I have definitely become more autistic since realising I was autistic, last May. Or rather, as some of you have said, I am dropping more and more of the mask and becoming more and more of who I am. Part of this is by choice and partly, I have no choice. I am completely worn out by it all, I’m done with the mask, whether I want to be or not, but I do want to be! Getting the diagnosis was important to me, but I wasn’t expecting such a roller coaster of emotions etc since I got the diagnosis. I’m super passionate though, about speaking up for us all. I have no choice in telling people I’m autistic, it just comes out, but I seriously want to get involved some how, in spreading awareness and making things easier for the younger ones, as well as ourselves. For now, I’m just so grateful I’ve found others like me and I’m getting all the help I can to sort my life out after a serious burn out and learning that it will happen, but I have to take my time. Thanks for all your comments, they really help.

Yes Blueray that sounds very similar to me. I’ve only been diagnosed a year ago at 55yrs and I got burnt out a few times along the way without ever really knowing why. It is good to be amongst people who understand

Thank you ladies and YES, I love that Ellie, ‘let it sing’ :-D I was feeling pressured by the job centre and my autistic friend, said, let them have it, melt down at the job centre and start kicking and screaming and show them what’s really going on inside! Lol!

Yeah, I’ve had several burnouts throughout my life Misfit. The first time I shut down and stopped functioning, I was 18 months old and they put me in an isolation room at the hospital for 3 weeks, drip fed me then let me out. The doctors visits and therapists etc continued throughout my life and trying to fit in, because I didn’t know better, finally got the better of me and now I couldn’t do it, even if I wanted to. It’s really good to be amongst people who understand, it’s so valuable. And although I’m pretty worn out just now and I’ve been so frustrated and upset with my challenges, I do love being me, an aspie girl, and now my back’s against the wall, I have come out fighting and I will honour and defend our right to be who we are in this f****d up neurotypical world. I don’t ‘blame’ anyone for not understanding what life is like for us but I can’t allow myself to be pushed into being anything other than me anymore ~ the next 50 + years are mine! Yes, I intend to live well into my 100’s and instead of the world forcing me to be like them, I’m going to force them to allow me to be me and hopefully, along the way, we learn from each other and make this world a better place for all of us. I think us autistics are doing that anyway, by our very existence on this planet. So so happy I finally found my tribe, and I finally understand what that even means! lol!

Loving you work BlueRay....it needs super power strength to drag the self up the mountain....and we are all braced and mindful of its peak... keep going, and keep being you..rattle your chains and roar!

Great support here. Yeah, I think I’ve learned my lesson with hitting the peak, I’m going for a much smaller mountain this time, it’s easier all round and to be fair, I’m pretty satisfied with the simple things in life, I just need to keep away from people! Lol! Joking/not joking! ;) I’m slowly learning to take a step by step approach while gathering up supplies/support along the way.

Haha I like that and despite our challenges, I think we’re here to show the NT folk a thing or two, including how to climb mountains :-) I love the sound of music and even though I’m taking my mountains in smaller chunks, I will keep going until all my needs are met in a way that I desire and then people will look and say, oh, she climbed that giant mountain, and I didn’t even notice, and then they’ll want to know how I did it, but by that point, they’ll have to pay me if they want to know ;-)

That was not a mountain....but with your chocolate reference earlier....you are just navigating a bar of toblerone! - joke!

So, you have a bucket list of needs......sounds like you've given yourself one hell of a challenge. What are the success criteria? All or nothing...some would be good? Are some more important needs to satisfy for others?

curious......tell me to *** off if I am prying.

My main need is a "space to be" - someone where I can be at peace with myself, a safe space where can I drop my mask and feel ok to do so!

I would love to share what I’ve got planned Elie, I’ve never had a ‘goal’ or a plan before, and it’s taken me years, to come to this plan, which makes me laugh because as I look back, it’s all I ever wanted to do right from being a kid. I guess I’m a bit slow to figure things out ;-)

I’m about to take the dog for a walk (dog sitting for my son) and I’m going out tonight - to get it over with (another story), so as soon as I can, in the next few days, I’ll reply. Right now my stomachs calling me, so a bite to eat then dog duties!

I would love to share what I’ve got planned Elie, I’ve never had a ‘goal’ or a plan before, and it’s taken me years, to come to this plan, which makes me laugh because as I look back, it’s all I ever wanted to do right from being a kid. I guess I’m a bit slow to figure things out ;-)

I’m about to take the dog for a walk (dog sitting for my son) and I’m going out tonight - to get it over with (another story), so as soon as I can, in the next few days, I’ll reply. Right now my stomachs calling me, so a bite to eat then dog duties!

Haha that made me laugh. It is the other way around though, the giant of a dog, squashed me, literally! He cuddles up to you like he’s a baby but he’s so heavy and wants to be sat next to you all the time! I’m glad that Job is out the way!