learn to love

Most of us treat love like an external force. It’s something that happens to us, strikes us like an arrow or overcomes us like a storm. There is a problem with thinking of love this way, and that is that it can slant our focus outward. It overlooks our own sense of power and leaves… Read more »

I recently wrote a blog titled “7 Reasons Most People are Afraid of Love.” Within hours, the post had tens of thousands of reads and thousands of social media shares – numbers that would double and triple over the next couple days. At first, I was surprised at this response, but then I thought about… Read more »

While many of us may have sensed it intuitively, there is now science behind the statement that “love is all you need.” A 75-year longitudinal study by Harvard researchers recently revealed that love itself is the one true key to a happy and fulfilling life. While love seems to be a universally valued attribute, defining love in… Read more »

Love — kindness, affection, sensitive attunement, respect, companionship — is not only difficult to find, but is even more challenging for many people to accept and tolerate. In my work with individuals and couples, I have observed countless examples of people reacting angrily when loving responses were directed toward them. One man felt a flash… Read more »

Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found… Read more »

Watch this short presentation on how to create a loving relationship: Suggested Reading: Why You Should Be the One Who Loves More How Mindfulness Can Save Your Relationship Understanding Fear of Intimacy What to Look For in a Partner How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship Relationship Skills

Most of us aspire to find love. It is unquestionably one of the most important goals of our lives. Because of this nearly universal truth, it isn’t always easy for people to grasp the fact that most of us are also angry at love. It is often the case that no matter how long we… Read more »

Anyone who has indulged in romantic comedies like When Harry Met Sally, As Good as it Gets, Moonstruck or pretty much anything starring Sandra Bullock knows the theme of opposites attracting and enemies becoming lovers. This theme has been around since the beginning of time; We see it in Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew and… Read more »

Some of the most destructive behaviors, commonplace in relationships, are those that people act out in an attempt to ward off loving responses from their partner. In The Ethics of Interpersonal Relationships, I wrote about the dynamics underlying this phenomenon, explaining why we often punish the very person who appreciates and acknowledges us for our positive… Read more »

Look up the word “love” in any dictionary and you’ll find two separate definitions. The first: an abstract noun encapsulating a feeling of tenderness, passion and warmth. The second: a verb defined by concrete actions such as giving affection or expressing tenderness and care. The trouble with these parallel definitions of love is that too… Read more »