Anna Karenina eBook

One thought, and one only, pursued her in different
forms, and refused to be shaken off. “If
I have so much effect on others, on this man, who
loves his home and his wife, why is it he is
so cold to me?...not cold exactly, he loves me, I know
that! But something new is drawing us apart
now. Why wasn’t he here all the evening?
He told Stiva to say he could not leave Yashvin,
and must watch over his play. Is Yashvin a child?
But supposing it’s true. He never tells
a lie. But there’s something else in it
if it’s true. He is glad of an opportunity
of showing me that he has other duties; I know that,
I submit to that. But why prove that to me?
He wants to show me that his love for me is not to
interfere with his freedom. But I need no proofs,
I need love. He ought to understand all the
bitterness of this life for me here in Moscow.
Is this life? I am not living, but waiting
for an event, which is continually put off and put
off. No answer again! And Stiva says he
cannot go to Alexey Alexandrovitch. And I can’t
write again. I can do nothing, can begin nothing,
can alter nothing; I hold myself in, I wait, inventing
amusements for myself—­the English family,
writing, reading—­but it’s all nothing
but a sham, it’s all the same as morphine.
He ought to feel for me,” she said, feeling
tears of self-pity coming into her eyes.

She heard Vronsky’s abrupt ring and hurriedly
dried her tears—­ not only dried her tears,
but sat down by a lamp and opened a book, affecting
composure. She wanted to show him that she was
displeased that he had not come home as he had promised—­
displeased only, and not on any account to let him
see her distress, and least of all, her self-pity.
She might pity herself, but he must not pity her.
She did not want strife, she blamed him for wanting
to quarrel, but unconsciously put herself into an
attitude of antagonism.

“Well, you’ve not been dull?” he
said, eagerly and good-humoredly, going up to her.
“What a terrible passion it is—­gambling!”

“No, I’ve not been dull; I’ve learned
long ago not to be dull. Stiva has been here
and Levin.”

“Yes, they meant to come and see you.
Well, how did you like Levin?” he said, sitting
down beside her.

“Very much. They have not long been gone.
What was Yashvin doing?”

“He was winning—­seventeen thousand.
I got him away. He had really started home,
but he went back again, and now he’s losing.”

“Then what did you stay for?” she asked,
suddenly lifting her eyes to him. The expression
of her face was cold and ungracious. “You
told Stiva you were staying on to get Yashvin away.
And you have left him there.”

The same expression of cold readiness for the conflict
appeared on his face too.

“In the first place, I did not ask him to give
you any message; and secondly, I never tell lies.
But what’s the chief point, I wanted to stay,
and I stayed,” he said, frowning. “Anna,
what is it for, why will you?” he said after
a moment’s silence, bending over towards her,
and he opened his hand, hoping she would lay hers
in it.