Food Security Bill converted into Direct Food Transfer scheme

New Delhi. Realizing that getting the Food Security Bill passed and implemented in its current form could be difficult, the UPA government has decided to convert the bill into Direct Food Transfer scheme – in line with its earlier Direct Cash Transfer scheme.

As part of this scheme, the poor citizens of the country will need to queue up and sit in front of the house of ministers and bureaucrats, where they will be served food directly; instead of them getting subsidized grains that would need to be cooked.

“It is a mix of Direct Cash Transfer and Mid Day Meal schemes. It also saves the time and money of the poor that goes into cooking the food. The poor can’t get anything better than this!” Congress leader Ajay Maken claimed.

When asked if the poor won’t feel like beggars sitting in front of a temple for free food, Maken dismissed such concerns as being baseless and “communal”.

Food Security Bill has been visualized to be implemented this way

“Why are you bringing temples into this? You can’t think beyond a temple!” he protested and denied that the new scheme was disdainful towards the self-respect of the poor.

As per the new scheme, all the food grains and subsidized LPG cylinders, which were earlier apportioned for being distributed among the poor, will now be given to ministers and babus, who would cook food and serve it to the needy.

“See, one of the criticism of the Food Security Bill was that there was no strong PDS (public distribution system) that could guarantee delivery of the food grains to the poor,” Maken explained, “Therefore we are relying on the established distribution system where only ministers are bureaucrats are the part the distribution chain. Any trickling down of benefits has never missed this chain.”

In the changed scenario, the government’s responsibility would be to deliver food grains and fuel supply to the ministers and babus, while it would be the responsibility of the poor to go to their homes and eat.

“Rubbish. You guys are cynics!” Maken protested again when Faking News reporter wondered if this won’t give rise to further corruption where politicians and bureaucrats could bill the government for an amount (of food) higher than what they served to the poor.

After rejecting all criticism, the government is ready to launch the scheme with much fanfare. A flagging off of the Direct Food Transfer scheme , which will also see a major role reversal, will see Rahul Gandhi serving food to selected poor dalits at his house.

“Rahul ji had shown the way that you need to go to others’ homes to eat, so we thought he would be a good brand ambassador for this scheme,” Maken said.