The JerkShirt promises to keep your masturbation private

Men are haunted by the fear of someone walking in on a self-love session. And since people moms and roommates alike will no doubt continue to walk into dudes’ rooms without knocking, it’s critical that compulsive dick-chokers have an easy way to escape embarrassment.

The “patent-pending” garment comes to us from the horny minds at CamSoda, who, according to their press release, want nothing more than “to provide undercover masturbatory pleasure.” The product is essentially a dress shirt with a prosthetic arm—so that guys can use their free hand to massage their man meat without paranoia. The JerkShirt also features a stain-resistant splash guard to help with those… messes.

Priced at $49.99 (a great deal considering it’s cheaper than a similar shirt at J. Crew or Banana Republic), you can pre-order the JerkShirt on this website. In a stroke of marketing genius, you can also choose what skin tone the prosthetic arm comes in to ensure it matches your own limbs.

Now, while part of the gimmick is that the shirt provides a perfect way to wank at work without getting caught, we’re not all too sure that’s the best idea. Scratch that, we’re positive that’s something you shouldn’t be doing at your office, because that’s grossly inconsiderate of your co-workers and means for calling both HR and the police. Same goes for doing this in any other public place. The testimonials tout the JerkShirt’s usefulness on mass transit, but please just don’t. Please?

That being said, the JerkShirt does make sense for teens and other horned-up guys in living situations that leave them susceptible to unexpected walk-ins. Or jerking it at the breakfast table to deal with your sexless marriage.

Anyway, if you’re interested in the JerkShirt, best jump on it before it cums and goes. It’s perfect for Masturbation Month.

Gabe Bergado is a Daily Dot alumnus who covered dank memes, teens, and the weirdest corners of the Internet. One time, Ted Cruz supporters turned him into a meme—or at least tried to. In 2017, he started reporting for Teen Vogue's entertainment section.