Beer-Dispensing System Will End Ballpark Lines

Hallelujah.

For anyone who has ever waited for what seems like hours while concession workers laboriously fill plastic cup after plastic cup with delicious, overpriced ballpark beer, the geniuses at GrinOn Industries have unveiled their Bottoms Up system, which revolutionizes the process. The gimmick? Beer that flows into the cup from the bottom.

It’s all based on magnets — how do they work? — that open up a valve on the underside of the cup when it’s placed on the Bottoms Up beer-dispensing unit. Once the beer (flowing in at a tremendously faster pace than scientists or drunk ballpark patrons ever assumed possible) fills the cup enough, the valve closes and all you have to pop the cup off the stand and off you go, legal drinker.

If you think that’s fast, how about being about to pour almost a beer a second?

OK, now the bad news: Don’t expect to see at-home implementation of the Bottoms Up dispensing system until some time in 2013, so your house parties will still rely on traditional pouring techniques, but the unit may be coming to a stadium near you soon.

Now if they could only figure out to build the damn things into the stadium seat cup holders. Dare to dream.