Moriarty's ShoWest Reports: Tuesday, Part 1: The NEW LINE Presentation!!!

Hahahahahaa, Oh I see my dear Professor.... hahahahaa... Folks, this is soooo wonderful. You see the deal ol Professor was sooooo cocky going into ShoWest... Thought it'd be soooo easy.... But then he got bit with that most vulnerable of human frailities.... the sleep monster. The problem with covering events that run from dawn till midnight is, they don't give you much time to write. But I have to give ol Moriarty credit... he's doing a hell of a job... for an evil genius that is. But upon finding out that he had to 'endure' John Williams conducting live, a presentation from George Lucas, etc yesterday... Well... I imagine the poor ol man's heart exploded with a geekgasmic joygasm. Will these be the last written words of Moriarty? Did hearing the divine music of John Williams kill him? Did Lucas turn him to stone? Did his brain vibrate to pieces? Let's stay tuned today and see... As for now... well, we move on to the tremendous sounding NEW LINE extravaganza...

Hey, Head Geek (and Father Geek)...

"Moriarty" here.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: this is harder than it looks.

Yes, it's fun. Yes, they're showing some great stuff. Yes, it's
great to meet journalists from around the world and talk film with
them. Doesn't change the fact that I'm so freakin' tired I can't
stand up straight.

Following Monday's massive Rip Van Winkle act on my part, I got up
insanely early and sent off my first report. When I finished, it was
still only 7:30. This left me with what seemed like an ungodly amount
of time to kill. In the future, I will call this "nap time."
Instead, I picked up the trades, went to breakfast (the Mirage has a
bitchin' breakfast buffet), and worked on questions for tonight's
press conference.

Today's first event was the State of the Industry address by MPAA
President Jack Valenti. I've heard him speak before, and he's always
entertaining, even if he is just the slightest bit insane. Today was
no exception. He offered praise for Bill Mechanic's speech from the
day before and advised everyone who missed it to get a printed copy
and read it. He then launched into an analogy using THREE DAYS OF THE
CONDOR to illustrate the search for clarity in what works in the film
marketplace these days. He boiled it down to two truths: people want
to be entertained, and they want to get out of the house for that
entertainment. He talked about how frightening it was at the
beginning of the '90s when so many other industries were starting to
actively compete for what seemed to be a finite entertainment dollar.
Instead of meaning the end of theaters, though, it turned out to fuel
people's urge to be entertained. The more choices they had at home,
the more it became an event to go out. The continued refinement of
the theatrical experience (with digital sound, stadium seating, bigger
screens, more selection) has brought revenues up 50% since 1990. This
last year shattered all existing records. The average negative cost
of a studio film is actually down this year (not by much, though --
less that $800,000). On the other hand, the costs of P&A are up quite
a bit. And what does all this mean to you, the reader? Ah, forget
it, Jake... it's Chinatown.

Almost immediately after that session, we were shown in and seated
for, in my eyes, the first major event of the convention, the New Line
presentation. There were two rooms for this event. The main room,
where lunch was served and where the stars showed up, was the Event
Center. The backup room, where a fair amount of the press got
stashed, was off the Grand Ballroom and featured a closed-circuit
system. By some bizarre fluke, I found myself at a prime table in the
actual Event Center along with nine fellow journalists. I was floored
to learn that all but one of them were familiar with AICN and my work.
This is getting a little surreal, folks. As soon as everyone was in,
the lights went down and the stars began to come out.

Warren Beatty was first, dressed down in a black leather jacket and
shades. I'm amazed by how well he continues to hold up. Second out
was a young actress named Kimberly Brown who stars in Fine Line's
TUMBLEWEEDS this year. She's evidently a veteran of the soap GUIDING
LIGHT. She was followed out by Christian Campbell, star of the
Sundance hit TRICK. Ben Chaplin showed up in support of LOST SOULS,
one of the films I reviewed last week in my Supernatural Series, and
then came Young Indy himself, Sean Patrick Flannery, to promote BODY
SHOTS. Has this guy been mentioned as a possible Anakin yet? He's
got the build and he's definitely movie star good-looking. Harrison
Ford was in both the STAR WARS and INDIANA JONES series, so why can't
Flannery do the same? The next guy out, Edward Furlong, doesn't seem
to have aged even five minutes since T2. He was there for DETROIT
ROCK CITY, Adam Rifkin's comedy.

Then, all of a sudden, the whole trip, all the exhaustion, everything
became worthwhile. My future wife, and the costar of AUSTIN POWERS 2,
Heather Graham came out in a skintight black dress with a white print
front. Just seeing her shimmy across the stage was enough to make me
hyperventilate and black out. Thankfully I was revived before Natasha
Lyonne, also there for DETROIT ROCK CITY, was introduced. She came
out in a floor-length black duster, her trademark mop of curls
crowning it. Immediately after her, they introduced the International
Man of Mystery, the one and only Wayne Campbell, a man whose monkey I
want to touch... Mike Myers. He was looking smooth, his hair still
down to a crew cut as it grows in from playing Dr. Evil. The
confusingly similarly named Jerry O'Connell and Chris O'Donnell were
introduced back to back in support of BODY SHOTS and THE BACHELOR
respectively. John Paul Pitoc, who is getting fabulous reviews for
TRICK, was brought out just before the intoxicating Tara Reid, who's
one of the stars of BODY SHOTS. You might remember her from THE BIG
LEBOWSKI as Bunny, the missing wife. You'll definitely know her after
May's AMERICAN PIE. She looked great in a floor-length white duster.
She and Lyonne could have been bookends.

Adam Sandler couldn't have been more casually dressed in his flannel
shirt and jeans. They're promoting LITTLE NICKY, the film where he
plays the Devil's son, even though it hasn't rolled a frame of film
yet. Garry Shandling got a warm introduction. I must note, just in
case he was worried -- his hair looked great. When Brooke Shields,
who is co-starring in THE BACHELOR, came out, she literally stopped
the show by handing Bob Shaye, who was introducing everyone, a note.
He tried to figure it out to no avail and finally just set it aside.
Another young star from BODY SHOTS, Amanda Peet, came out next. This
film has an obscenely good-looking cast. As Amanda found her seat,
someone dropped a lot of dishes at the back of the Event Center. Mike
Myers jumped up and made a slashing gesture as if to say, "You're
fired!" Finally, the intros wrapped up with Tori Spelling, there in
support of TRICK, and the star of this Friday's release THE CORRUPTOR,
Mark Wahlberg. Both of them looked like a million bucks. The only
hitch up to this point was the complicated slideshow on the massive
screens behind the stage. As each person appeared, there was supposed
to be a still of them in the middle with their film's title at the top
and still from the film framing them on either side. There were
several points during the presentation where the slide operator seemd
to be very, very drunk.

Thankfully, they served lunch next, giving him plenty of time to sober
up. After all the plates were cleared away, the clip reel began. New
Line's theme for the afternoon was "Into the Millenium." Their reel
began with them summing up past and recent victories. The images
flashed by fast and furious, with a particular emphasis on the first
AUSTIN POWERS and last year's monster hits BLADE and THE WEDDING
SINGER. Finally, as the montage reached its peak, it gave way to the
first trailer.

By now, I think we've all seen the trailer for THE CORRUPTOR. I still
just think the film looks okay, but I am blown away by how much better
Chow Yun-Fat's English is this time around. The theater owners were
really impressed by the trailer, though, and applauded like maniacs.
DROP DEAD GORGEOUS was met with a little less enthusiasm, and I'm not
surprised. It's another trailer that doesn't do much for me. Denise
Richards and Kirsten Dunst are both lovely, but the film just doesn't
look very funny, a bad sign when you're trying to sell a comedy.

Next up was LOST SOULS. Man, what a trailer! I like the look Janusz
Kaminski's chosen for the film. It's not overtly stylish. There's a
muted realism to it that should work to sell the picture. John Hurt
makes the strongest impression in the trailer, but everyone looks
good. This one got a very enthusiastic response from the crowd,
putting them in the perfect mood for DETROIT ROCK CITY. This movie
looks very, very funny. This is, of course, the Adam Rifkin film
about four kids in the '70s who lose their KISS tickets and have to
find some way into the show. I noticed one way they try to get money
isby having one of the guys jump onstage in a club and strip. Between
this and FORCES OF NATURE, where Ben Affleck does the same thing, are
we seeing the start of a new FULL MONTY inspired trend?

A hush fell over the crowd as the next trailer began. It's very hard
to explain, and there was both so much and so little to absorb. There
were four simple images lined up across the screen, simple drawings of
items like leaves and frogs, that kept changing, dissolving from one
to the next, as a voice-over talked about the random nature of life,
about the way people meet. "And so it goes, and so it goes, and so it
goes." An incredible cast list flashed by followed by a single title
-- MAGNOLIA. "We may be through with the past," the voice-over
concludes, "but the past ain't through with us." Even without a frame
of footage, this was an astonishing trailer. Paul Thomas Anderson is
a big Altman fan, and this looks like his bid to direct a SHORT CUTS.

The next three trailers left me cold. LOVERS OF THE ARCTIC CIRCLE
looks beautiful, but wasn't this the exact same plot of Vincent Ward's
MAP OF THE HUMAN HEART? Chris O'Donnell has the unenviable task of
trying to fill Buster Keaton's shoes in THE BACHELOR, a remake of one
of Keaton's pictures in which a rich man has 24 hours to marry or lose
his inheritance. In an effort to make the film modern, the money at
risk is $100 million. Rene Zellweger is the girl Chris really loves,
but she rejects his first lame proposal ("Okay," he says as he brings
out the ring, "you win.") Brooke Shields is the woman he is willing
to marry just to get the money. Hal Holbrook is the lawyer in charge
of the whole thing. O'Donnell even reproduces the climax of Buster's
original with a wild footchase through the streets of San Francisco
involving hundreds of women in bridal gowns. THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE was
up next. This script was deadly dull, and the SPECIES II meets
ROSEMARY'S BABY trailer didn't convince me this was going to be
anything but bad.

TOWN AND COUNTRY, though, was a differnt story. This is rumored to be
a troubled production, with Peter Cheslom (FUNNY BONES, THE MIGHTY)
butting heads with Warren Beatty. That may be true, but the trailer
is great. Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, and Garry Shandling co-star with
Beatty in what looks like a sophisticated farce of sexual manners
along the lines of SHAMPOO. This is the Warren Beatty that I like a
lot, and the trailer is laugh out loud funny in several places.
Here's hoping the behind the scenes turmoil doesn't mar what looks to
be a smashing piece of entertainment.

BODY SHOTS looks hot, sexy, and dark. A look at the predatory nature
of the club scene, the trailer starts like a comedy, wtih bad boys
(Flannery, O'Connell) on the prowl for bad girls (Peet, Reid). As one
of the guys says, "When I go out with a bunch of guys, I know what I
want, and it's not to go home with a bunch of guys." There's a rough
sexual encounter on a beach and, as Radiohead's "High and Dry" kicks
in, the tone of the trailer changes. Was it rape? Did someone black
out? There looks to be some fine powerful work from the young cast,
and I'll admit I'm intrigued.

And then New Line, having saved the best for last, unleashed the
longer final trailer for AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME. "I
put the grrr in swinger, baby," he says as we get our first look at
what looks to be a bigger, brighter, and better sequel. I was
suprised to see Will Ferrell back as Mustafa, the guy in the fez in
the first one. Heather Graham (insert Homer Simpson sounds here) is
sizzling as Felicity Shagwell. "Shagwell by name... shag very well by
reputation." The introduction of Mini-Me, a half-sized clone of Dr.
Evil, in teriffic and surreal. There's a positively filthy
introduction for the character Robin Swallows. Austin: "Well, that's
an unusual name." Robin: "It's my married name. My maiden name was
Spitz." Austin: "Well, which is it, baby -- Spitz or Swallows?" They
show a glimpse of Dr. Evil and Scott during their appearance on THE
JERRY SPRINGER SHOW. Seeing Dr. Evil attack a Klansman in full garb
while being bleeped is priceless. To close, there's another STAR WARS
gag. "Austin, know this... I am your father." "Really?" "No, not
really. I can't back that up at all. I've got nothing." This whole
thing brought the house down, the best possible way to close out the
presentation. The enthusiasm was amazing and as we left the
presentation they handed each of us a t-shirt with a psychedelic "I'm
Back, Baby!" logo on the back.

I have to run now to get back to the Fox party, but I've got SOOOOOOOO
much more to share with you.

VISIT -- the insane Trade Show!

WITNESS -- Moriarty's first press conference!

ENDURE -- the 5 1/2 hour awards ceremony!

MARVEL -- at Warner's star studded presentation!

GASP -- at the first demonstration of digital cinema!

And that's without me having seen anything yet from STAR WARS. Like I
said, it's harder than it looks. I wouldn't trade one demented second
of it so far, though, and I hope you're enjoying the coverage. I'll
do my best to update later tonight. Until then...

I will post absolutely nothing of consequence except to say oh look at how cool I am, because I am the first poster. If I see this stupid sort of thing again... c'mon that is like bragging that you are the first one in line at a stop light.
Actually, though I wasn't a particularly huge fan of Austin Powers (yes it was funny, but not the best comedy ever put to film) Austin Powers II sounds shagadelic. Sean Patrick Flannery sounds like an interesting choice.
Moriarty? Do you just walk up to the other journalists, and say, hello, I am Moriarty, resident evil genius and write for Aint-It-Cool-News? I am curious as to how that conversation came about. And yes, it is surreal that AICN and other fan sites actually are noticed, but you know, that is how things should be, producers of entertainment should listen to the fans, artists should have their audience in mind.

"Seven Chances" is the name of the Buster Keaton silent feature that "The Bachelor" is remaking. It's surprising to me that someone who wasn't more of a physical comedian was chosen for the lead. It's hard to imagine this with spoken dialogue too. "Seven Chances" is available on video from Kino. Check it out!

And thanks for the wonderful descriptions. I'm loving every second of reading it. Sounds like you're keeping up with everything. And never underestimate the value of napping. Grab one whenever you can. Of course, you may be too excited to sleep. I know I would. Keep 'em coming and thanks again!

AM I THE ONLY PERSON ALIVE THAT HATED AUSTIN POWERS????? I'm **NOT** looking forward to the sequel AT ALL. I thought the first film was mind numbingly stupid. (and I only RENTED it and got about 30 minutes into it) SHEEESSSHH this is crazy, you want funny slapstick rent Charlie Chaplin but Mike Myers last decent movie was Waynes World (and that was nominal at best) somebody SHOOT ME please.

You geeks can have your Star Wars and your Eyes Wide Shut and stand in line for hours, I'm going to what should be the funniest film in a long time, Austin Powers. I'll bet I get in quicker and have just as good of a time (mainly 'cause I won't have to deal with annoying fanboys turning to thier equally annoying friends and saying "Didja see that, DIDJA?")

Yes, Chris O'Donnel in the Buster Keaton role??? Come on. Seven Chances features some of the most dazzling displays of acrobatics and physical comedy in any of Keaton's films. It's fantastic. As my film professor said when I told him of the remake, "Why don't they get Jackie Chan to play the role? That's the most obvious choice in the world!"

I watched Austin Powers after all the hype and box office success it recieved. I found the film to be very unfunny, most of the jokes in the film I remember from junior high. Mike Myers was funny on SNL, and I look forward to Sprockets(his funniest skit). As for Freddy vs Jason, it didnt suprise me not to see it mentioned, though it should of been. The Freddy franchise built New Line Cinema after the success of the original Nightmare (1984). Like I said a week or so back, horror gets no respect. The Freddy vs Jason film probably will be New Line's biggest hit right behind Austin Powers. I was happy to see them mention Paul Thomas Anderson's Magnolia, after Boogie Nights, I am really looking forward to his next film.

But damn you, Moriarty. Natasha Lyonne rocks! BTW the second draft of Austin Powers floating around on the net is one of the funniest things I have ever read. If Myers and company get even a third of it on screen we're in for a treat. Remember how in the first film Austin was the star, but Dr. Evil was the stroke of genius? I think FAT BASTARD is the same deal.