Ranked: The Fast and the Furious Movies, from Best to Worst

An important list

By
Jen Chaney

Apr 4, 2015

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It's tempting to lump all of the Fast and the Furious movies into one massive clutch-popping, Paul Walker-grimacing, Vin Diesel-mumbling action-movie blob. All those drag races, stunningly acrobatic collisions and run-ins with drug lords have a tendency to blend together after a while.

But make no mistake, my riding-or-dying friends: There are differences between the six movies in this lucrative franchise. As Pauline Kael undoubtedly would have said if she'd lived to see Dominic Toretto speeding through Rio with a bank vault attached to his Dodge Charger's bumper: Fast and Furious movies may be uniformly stupid, but some are still better-stupid than others.

With the sixth installment opening this weekend, here's an attempt to rank the films — yes, including the new one — from best to worst, based on important criteria such as plot ridiculousness (a high score is usually better in this franchise's case) and level of car porn.

Note: If you've never seen any of these films and/or want to remain completely free of Fast & Furious 6 spoilers, proceed with caution.

The basics: All our old speed-demon friends are enjoying their early retirement until FBI Agent Luke Hobbs (The Rock) brings the gang back together to track down a terrorist that has recruited Letty Oritz — who, spoiler alert, allegedly died two movies ago — to his cause.

Plot ridiculousness, on a scale of 1 to 100: 100. Jesus, where to start? Michelle Rodriguez is no longer dead and, of course, she has amnesia, which still doesn't fully explain why she wants to help a terrorist. The FBI apparently can't find anyone capable of tracking down bad guys other than wanted criminals that the agency failed to apprehend mere months ago. Honestly, is there no one in the entire Bureau more capable than Ludacris and Tyrese?

Action insanity: 110. You remember that other movie in which there were major chase scenes involving military tanks, gunfire, Gina Carano, and Michelle Rodriguez tearing each other apart and cars dangling precariously from airplanes trying to ascend? Of course you don't remember that because no other movie has been cray-cray enough to try all of this stuff simultaneously.

Level of car porn: 80. These films are increasingly less about vehicles and more about the action (see above). But Fast 6 still squeezes in a scene involving a high-end luxury car auction that spotlights some truly gorgeous specimens. Oh, and there are also the requisite shots of bare female booties wiggling enticingly close to sports cars' grills.

Diesel fuel, i.e., the degree to which Vin Diesel contributes to the movie's quality: 90. Vin glowers. Vin pines for Letty. Vin shows much love for Preppy Handbook best friend Brian O'Conner, in Vin's quiet and manly way. And Vin lowers his voice to a new, astonishingly deeper register best described as James Earl Jones After Drinking a Cocktail of Black Tar and Pop Rocks.

Overall Fastness and Furiosity rating: 95

2. Fast 5 (2011)

Otherwise known as: The one that's kind of like Ocean's Eleven, if The Rock had been in Ocean's Eleven acting like a total FBI badass.

The basics: Almost all of the semi-main characters from every previous Fast movie come together to rip off millions of dollars from a ruthless crime lord, making everyone on the team permanently wealthy. Naturally, FBI agent Luke Hobbs agrees to help.

Plot ridiculousness: 90. Dom walks away unscathed from a ferocious-looking prison bus accident and — just because he's nice to the Rock and Elena, his very attractive partner — convinces law enforcement not to re-arrest him or his team so they can all get stinking rich. I'm not saying none of this could ever happen, but ... oh, wait. Actually, I am saying that.

Action insanity: 90. The bus accident, the car-thievery-on-a-train sequence, the gratuitous and unnecessary police car race: It's all pretty nuts. But that bank vault business — in which the steel box attached to Dom's bumper pulverizes pavement, police cars, and local banks — is enough to make a car-chase aficionado stand up and slow-clap.

Level of car porn: 75. According to imcdb.org — that's the Internet Movie Car Database — this movie contained the highest number of different car models (107) out of all the films, with the caveat that this important website has not yet calculated the number of vehicular beauts in Fast 6. But of course, volume isn't everything. And some of the cars that manage to make cameos — a Toyota Yaris, a Passat Wagon — aren't exactly, uh, sexy.

Diesel fuel, i.e., the degree to which Vin Diesel contributes to the movie's quality: 65. As leader of Team Toretto, his character is crucial to everything that occurs. Plus, he seems to be having a little more fun than he did in the über-serious Fast & Furious. Still, what really makes this movie is the fact that it's an ensemble piece.

Overall Fastness and Furiosity rating: 80

3. 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

Otherwise known as: The one that's like a super-expensive episode of Miami Vice.

The basics: John Singleton takes on directing duties and decides, hey, I'm pretty sure car-race movies are supposed to be fun. So all the action moves to Miami, Cole Hauser plays a drug lord, and Paul Walker and Tyrese team up with DEA agent Eva Mendes to bring Hauser down.

Plot ridiculousness: 85. Brian is on the lam, gets arrested but then somehow makes a deal where all will be forgiven if he goes undercover to get Hauser's Carter Verone — that's the sort of preposterous plotting the series will whip out of its back pocket again in Fasts 5 and 6. It also makes no sense that Brian is permitted to invite his ex-con buddy Roman along for the ride, but we'll let that slide because Tyrese is a sheer delight. Note: five additional plot-ridiculousness points were added to this score based solely on the outlandishness of Ludacris's afro in the opening scene.

Action insanity: 85. Paul Walker and Tyrese crash a freaking Camaro into a yacht in a maneuver that calls to mind both Crockett and Tubbs and Bo and Luke Duke. Yee-ha!

Level of car porn: 90. This is Miami, so all the cars sport flashier, sluttier colors. My personal favorite: the scorchingly hot pink Honda S2000 that even a Barbie doll would say is a little too much.

Diesel fuel, i.e., the degree to which Vin Diesel contributes to the movie's quality: 0. Mr. Diesel does not appear, as he was very busy working on significant works of cinema like The Chronicles of Riddick.

Overall Fastness and Furiosity rating: 65

4. Fast & Furious (2009)

Otherwise known as: The one where Michelle Rodriguez goes bye-bye.

The basics: Letty (allegedly) gets murdered, prompting Dom to seek revenge for her death by finding the man responsible: a drug dealer also being sought by undercover FBI agent Brian O'Conner.

Plot ridiculousness: 60. It's never realistic that our heroes consistently walk away unscathed from so many smash-ups. But overall, this is a pretty standard, uninventive action-movie narrative.

Action insanity: 65. The mayhem that ensues during the opening petroleum tanker heist is pretty excellent. But most of the crashing-through-underground tunnels is forgotten as soon as the sound of shattering windshields fades away.

Level of car porn: 70. It's nice to see Dom's Dodge Charger back in working order, especially with that gratuitous blower on its hood. There's something smutty about that car, smutty in a '70s-era, back-issues-of-Playboy-stashed-under-your-parents'-mattress kind of way.

Diesel fuel, i.e., the degree to which Vin Diesel contributes to the movie's quality: 60. Yes, Dom is key to the narrative. But Diesel is so moody and the tone is so serious that it's hard for him, or us, to have a very good time.

Overall Fastness and Furiosity rating: 63.75

5. The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Otherwise known as: The first one.

The basics: Consider it the franchise's origin story: Dominic Terreto — street racer and stealer of electronics — meets cute with Brian O'Conner, undercover cop, excellent stick shifter, and soon-to-be lover of Dom's sister, Mia. Purists may appreciate that it's truly a racing movie, but it's also one that doesn't hold up super-well 12 years later.

Plot ridiculousness: 50. It's weird that Dom doesn't realize sooner that Brian isn't who he says he is. But compared to some of the storyline shenanigans this franchise would eventually pull, that's nothing.

Action insanity: 50. This movie is more about the race than it is about the action, so the accidents are on the tamer, less fireball-oriented side.

Level of car porn: 65. The auto stuff is more sexy in an anatomical way than a pornographic one; we get to see what's under the hood and how all that nitrous works. So ... kind of sexy? But only kind of.

Diesel fuel, i.e., the degree to which Vin Diesel contributes to the movie's quality: 55. Like us, he was still getting in touch with the real Dominic Toretto.

Overall Fastness and Furiosity rating: 55

6. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)

Otherwise known as: Who the hell are all these people? And what have they done with Paul Walker?

The basics: The series breaks entirely from what's come before, introducing us to a troubled teen (Lucas Black) who gets sent to Tokyo to live with his dad and, obviously, learn how to drift while getting mixed up with the yakuza.

Plot ridiculousness: 70. It's totally cockamamie that, based on what we know from subsequent installments, this movie apparently takes place far in the future. But since we don't know that within the context of the film, we can focus instead on how absurd it is that Black was cast as a high schooler and that the screenwriter actually named a character Han Seul-Oh.

Action insanity: 50. A few of the crashes are impressive, including the one that causes severe trauma for Han. The climactic race down a twisty Tokyo mountain road is also tense, but not quite at the level of certifiably bonkers.

Level of car porn: 80. This is actually the movie's strong suit: It revels in its shiny, zippy Nissans, Mazdas, and Lotus Elises. And if a Volkswagen owned by Bow Wow and designed to resemble the Incredible Hulk doesn't qualify as car porn, then dammit, I don't know what does.

Diesel fuel, i.e., the degree to which Vin Diesel contributes to the movie's quality: 15. He makes a cameo at the end. And it's a fun little cameo, but certainly not enough to save this from being the worst Fast and Furious movie ever.

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