What Men Need to Know Before Joining a Dating Site

What does it take to succeed at online dating? Do you need to have a couple million dollars in the bank? Do you need to be 6 feet 4 inches tall with washboard abs? Do you need to have an incredible array of exciting life experiences to casually share within your profile?

Some of these characteristics certainly won’t hurt your chances of succeeding at online dating, but none of the above are necessary if you want to meet some great women from Match.com, OkCupid or any of their brother and sister sites. All you need to maximize your chances at finding love online is a little preparation.

Know what you’re looking for.

Before you join an online dating website, you need to determine what exactly you’re looking for. This is both the first and most important step. Not only do you need to figure out what sort of girl you’re looking for, you also need to firmly decide on what sort of relationship you’re looking for.

Different dating sites are more likely to attract different types of girls, and different websites are designed around different relationship models. OkCupid tends to attract a younger, more alternative crowd. Match.com fills its ranks with young and middle-aged professionals.

eHarmony focuses on setting up couples for serious, long-term relationships. Ashley Madison concerns itself with connecting men and women, single and attached, looking to participate in an affair. Without knowing what you’re looking for, you won’t know which website will best meet your needs.

Furthermore, if you don’t know what you’re looking for, you won’t know whose tastes to tailor your profile for and who you’re actually interested in messaging. Figuring out what you’re looking for before you get started will save you a lot of time and frustration.

“Focus is, ultimately, the key to dramatically

increasing your success at online dating.”

Know how to project yourself.

Some people will find themselves put off by what I said above about knowing “whose tastes to tailor your profile for.” Most people believe all they need to do to succeed in dating, online or otherwise, is to follow that endlessly repeated bit of advice to “be yourself.”

And you absolutely should be yourself. You absolutely should tell the truth in your profile. But you need to act intentionally when it comes to what aspects of your “self” you put out there.

You can’t put every single thought and feeling you have ever had in your profile. You can’t express every single facet of your personality and your diverse interests within an online dating account.

If you try to do so, you will create an incredibly long-winded, confused and conflicted profile, one most women aren’t going to read all the way through. Those women who do read all the way to the end will experience an uncertain sense of who you actually are at your core essence and what they can expect from spending time with you.

It’s much better to figure out what elements of your personality will appeal the most to the sort of woman you’re trying to meet, and then focus on projecting those qualities clearly. If you’re looking to meet an outdoorsy kind of girl, don’t talk about how much you like to spend plenty of time in the city. Instead, emphasize your adventurous nature.

If you’re looking to meet a woman who appreciates your ambition, don’t try and explain that you really like to relax and veg out all day from time to time. Talk about your passions.

Women are smart. Women don’t need everything spelled out for them in minute detail. In fact, women like a little mystery because it gives them questions to ask you and allows them to daydream, imagine and speculate all the little details of your life.

If you fill a woman in on every single detail of who you are and what you do, that woman won’t have much interest or incentive in actually meeting you and developing any kind of relationship with you.

Focus is, ultimately, the key to dramatically increasing your success at online dating. Know what you’re looking for and project those elements of yourself that align with your desire.

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Sam Stieler

Sam has been writing about dating and relationships for more than three years now. He holds a bachelor's degree from Bucknell University, has self-published a few of his own books and is currently working on mastering the double right turn in his salsa dancing classes. Connect with him on Google+.

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