You’ve Come Out as Bi, Now What?

9/9/2017

You’ve spent the years devising every which way is best to reveal your sexuality to your family, friends, the online world, and the world in general. You’ve logged in thousands of hours longing for the day you can walk around freely admitting to everyone that you’re into more than one gender. And then that day came. It may have been great. It may have been awful. It definitely was nerve-wracking leading up into it and throughout. So, what now? Now that you’re out as a bi person, just what is next? I’ll tell you what is next and what is best to do now that you’re a sexually free human being.

Keep coming out

For the rest of your existence you will keep coming out. It never has to be dramatic. It never has to be blunt and in-your-face. But, it does have to happen. At work, in your neighborhood, in your extended family, there will always be people who didn’t get the memo that you’re bi. Some of these people may have gotten the memo and might mislabel your sexuality as gay or lesbian and you will need to correct them. It will happen. Stand up for yourself when it does, because that is part of your identity. It’s not everything in your world, sure, but it is at the core of your being, as a lot of important things are. You’ll figure out a way to do it. You’ll probably do it with a smile, I’d imagine.

It might be a “Hey, I’m bi, actually.”

It might be a “My sexuality is fluid, not stagnant. I’m bi.”

It might be as simple as a “Thank you, but I prefer the term bi.”

It might even be as elaborate as a “Don’t discredit my relationships in the past and possible relationships in the future to lovers of various genders. I’m bi.”

You will keep coming out and it won’t always be easy, but sometimes it will be very easy, and those times make it easier to come out as the years go on.

Find safe spaces

You’re out and you need to be with your people. Find a bi organization near you or even an LGBT center. Since there aren’t always resources for bi people near everyone, look for organizations online. There are less than ten bi nonprofits in the US, but there are countless bi orgs and groups throughout the continental US, and even abroad. A simple internet search can find these organizations for you. Gravitate toward them and interact with those online communities. Meet new people similar to you. You have questions. They have answers. They have questions, too, for which you might have answers. It’s important to make ourselves known once we’re out as bi people, so that those in the closet know we exist.

Personal love and worth

Remember who you are. My parents said this to me throughout my youth and it has stayed with me. I know who I am. I’m a man who is sexually and romantically attracted to other people regardless of gender. That’s how it’s always been, that’s how it will always be, and that’s how I want it to be. I love that about me. I get to love. You should love that about yourself too. There doesn’t seem to be any greater feeling than loving other people and especially being loved by them in return. Harness that feeling, put it in a corral of your own making, and ride it to the ends of time, as often as you can. That’s you. And you’re very cool. Remember that. Value yourself because of your sexuality. As I stated before, it’s one of those things that’s at the very core of you, and it makes up what is the essence of you. It’s not to be dismissed and rejected. It’s to be fostered and embraced. Take care of you. Love your bisexuality and be proud it’s part of who you are.

Get involved, if at all possible

Promote yourself for a time. It doesn’t have to be for a century. It doesn’t have to be for five years, even. But sometimes it’s good for the rest of our community to know how many of us are out there, and out. Write a blog as a bi person. It doesn’t have to be about your sexuality at all, but it will come up. Talk about your day to day activities. Describe the normality and mundane existence of a human being who also happens to be bi. Maybe you’re brave enough to do a vlog? Film your daily patterns. Talk to the camera about your fears, excitements, joys, and pains. Get involved in the local community scene as a bi person. Volunteer with bi or LGBT organizations and let your bi-ness shine in those orgs. We need to be seen, it seems, for some people to realize we exist. You’re out now. It might take baby steps to do these things but you’ll take great strides before you know it. Represent us. It doesn’t matter what type of person you are. Maybe you are a stereotypical version in someone’s mind of a bi person? Who cares? That’s what makes our community great, we’re so varied, and, hey, stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. Right?

These are but a few things that will happen once you’ve come out and a few things you can do once that happens. I hope I instilled a sense of hope that things will be great for you now that you’ve come out. It won’t always be a bed of roses, or it will and those roses might have a thorn or two, but keep advancing. Live your life. It’s the only one you’ve got right now. You might as well do it being content with your newly open bi life.

Gregory Ward was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona where he resides today. He spends his time bringing awareness to the local scene and helping bi folk. He loves movies, astronomy, and the Irish language. He founded Fluid Arizona which is an active bi+ community that can be found on Facebook and Twitter, and is a big proponent of the #stillbisexual campaign.