Ruritanian State Christmas Ball

Exclusive: Crown Prince Harpik announces a grand party

LIVERPOOL has long been the home of choice for immigrants, students, ne’er do wells and people from Northampton.

We tell you nothing new.

But, occasionally, Liverpool Confidential feels the need to exclusively reveal that there is a genuine royal bloodline residing here too.

The city, more specifically Smithdown Road, remains the home of several generations of the exiled royal family of Ruritania whose members fled the troubled country during the revolution of 1879.

Most of you won’t be aware of that at all, especially those of you who obsess under the misapprehension that WAGs, footballers and the stars of the tubular box Hollyoaks are the glitterati..

Unlike other minor courts, members of the Ruritanian house of Harpiku did not leave their wealth or lifestyle behind. Their opulent and somewhat questionable excesses travelled with them across the Balkans, as did 140 noblemen, women and servants.

Down the years, its members and their descendents have gathered sporadically to celebrate the old country with gigantic balls. These events were inspired "only by reality" and Harpik is very disparaging of "copyists" who ran Viennese balls under the Capital of Culture banner in 2008, where people wore dinner jackets.

We asked for a statement after suddenly wondering what the hell they were up to and got this:

Imperial Ruritanian Bureau of Information anouncement

"From the Imperial Ruritanian Bureau of Information, a response has been issued to Liverpool Confidential's request for the Story of the Crown Prince's Balls:

"It has come to our attention that a minor provincial plutocracy masterminded by a coterie of corrupt self-serving lunatics has transgressed the bounds of decency by giving (in the recent year of 2008) a 'Ball'. This farcical entertainment, supposed to be Viennese in conception but in reality a parade of beige doltishness, was considered by all the exiled Ruritanian elite to represent a travesty of the Mittel European style.

"The Crown Prince of Ruritania, living in the unsafe seat of Riverside for the duration of political turmoil in his Homeland (but missing dearly the iron beauty of the Ruritanian Mountains!) has suffered the pain of witnessing inflated buffoonery for too long.

"It therefore brings His Majesty to a state of deep joy that we may announce to the Liverpolitan World the forthcoming:

"This is to be held at a venue of great elegance from the belle epoche.

"It will feature a hearty welcome with Mittel European food and a live orchestra playing waltzes, marches and popular tunes for the edification of the grateful masses. Five-a-side gargling, sausage matching and other entertainments to be revealed."

Dress code:

Gentlemen:

Ruritanian Military No. 1 Dress

Folkloristic Ruritanian costume

White Tie and Tails

Ladies:

Evening gowns

Folkloristic Ruritanian costume

Tiaras and Pearls in abundance

DENIM in ALL FORMS and Casual Wear. Dinner jackets / black tie are considered unacceptable for wear to State Balls. They are for casinos.

All of which is a long way of saying that the legendary Arthur "Count Von Essen" Black and his cohorts are staging another Grand State Ruritanian Christmas Ball that wil be uttlerly fabulous. We attended the one at at the end of 1999 and it was the talk of the town, oohh, well into the next century.