I’ve been using this organic deodorant I got a while back and I’m fairly certain I’ve smelled bad ever since. But living in a hip, Zipcar neighbourhood with granola people who frequent holistic centres and are on the cutting edge of reiki, I decided to go green with my personal care products.

Like many in my ‘hood, I shop at The Big Carrot, a local market specializing in “organically grown, GMO-free, environmentally safe products,” and is currently rallying its shoppers to support a moratorium on genetically modified alfalfa.

The Big C also has a body care department, which is where I listen in on other people ask questions about whether a particular lotion has such and such Amazonian herb or is safe to eat. I pay close attention to the naturopath-come-salesperson’s answer, consider my options, then promptly buy the cheapest product (or the one with the cutest animal on the label).

I was initially pleased with my organic conversion, feeling like I was making a difference. I, of course, want to nurture the planet and protect my body from harmful toxins- but the thing is, I don’t want to smell bad. That’s a non-negotiable for me. It’s also important to me that my hair look good. I’ve tried different products. I’ve said ‘Yes to Carrots’ and guess what? Carrots don’t make my curls bounce. Sulfates do.

I purchased an “invigorating body scrub” containing all natural ingredients such as apricot kernel oil, flax seed, oats, honey and love. It doesn’t say whose love but, in any case, I was not the least bit invigorated. I’m sorry to report that the Beatles were wrong when they said All You Need is Love. You also need harsh chemicals if you would like your skin to be smooth and less sallow. So less love please, and more parabens!

The organics movement says that natural products improve your overall well-being, thereby increasing your life expectancy. What’s the point of such longevity, though, if I have limp curls, rough skin and an anemic complexion? And smelling rosy doesn’t just impact my well-being, but also the well-being of those forced to be in close confines with me. Am I not actually contributing to social welfare by using deodorant that has staggering amounts of aluminum chloride, aluminum chlorohydrate and other neurotoxins?

I want to do my part and be a socially conscious citizen, but I have come to accept that, as much as I want to, I just can’t do everything. So I’m choosing my hair. The polar bears would want me to choose my hair (heck, look how much they have! I highly doubt they get that ivory glow from love alone!). Instead, I will work to save the planet in other ways. I will recommit to taking public transit as much as I can, putting the correct organic waste in my green bin, using eco-friendly compact fluorescent light bulbs, unplugging electronics when I’m not using them and, most importantly, being a friend to the alfalfa and saying no to their genetic engineering.