“I Slept With a Chimpanzee”

Folks, the Connecticut chimpanzee story has taken a turn towards the bizarre. A woman's pet chimpanzee went on a rampage, eating her friend's face and injuring two cops before somebody finally dispatched the beast to its final resting place.

Now Travis-the-Chimp's owner is speaking out -- and you might want to put down your Fruit Loops before reading the next paragraph.

Sandra Herold says that she shared her bed with the 200-pound chimp. "He was my life," she said. "I cooked for him, I shopped for him, I lived with him, I slept with him. He was just everything."

Ms. Herold tried to pull her pet off the victim using a shovel and a butcher knife. No one is quite sure what caused the melee, but police suspect the chimpanzee might have had some sort of reaction to herbal tea and xanax. Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

Travis-the-Chimp was no ordinary primate. He had a fine taste in wine, surfed the Internet, and was potty trained.

His owner said the attack was just a freak thing.

Would I be out of line by suggesting that's not the only freaky thing about this story?