Give booting the boot

Here’s a little advice for the tempest brewing in the City Market parking lots from a former “booter” and bootee. I used to boot cars at the Durant mall in Aspen, next to City Market. Despite scores of “no parking” signs, I was compelled to boot a few cars per week, which too often led to a confrontational situation with an irate patron.

Instead of booting first-time offenders, I applied a hard-to-remove sticker directly in the middle of windshield. I kept a list, and a second offense earned the scofflaw two stickers on their windshield.

The third time was a charm, and they got the boot with a $50 removal fee. Of course, the patrons still complained about the stubbornly sticky stickers, and I would point out that City Market sold a 98-cent pack of double-edged razor blades to facilitate removal. Following my advice would be doubly beneficial for the stores. First, you wouldn’t alienate customers with that ridiculous $200 extortion for boot removal. Plus, they could save a good chunk of change by giving an employee in charge of rounding up carts a notebook, pen and watch.

You guys might think the booting company is a good idea, but those disgruntled goobers might take their business down the road to Wally World, where they don’t employ such asinine customer relations.

Bruno Kirchenwitz

Rifle

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