Monday, November 28, 2016

Why do people always say "it goes without saying", and then proceed to fill the air with words? What's worse, is to fill the air with meaningless words. Case in point: Barack Obama.

I'm sure Barack Obama would love to be remembered as an outstanding orator if not a statesman. I think he pays his speechwriters extra if they throw in some bit of unusual and flowery language that someone else might find profound, but mostly sounds stilted. But then, since he has said he's a better speechwriter than his speechwriters, there's reason to believe that this particular bit of nonsense may have been penned by the President himself!

"History will record and judge the enormous impact of this singular figure on the people and the world around him."

Really? Really?? This may be profound in the "water is wet" school of oratory, but, please! This particular bit of nothingburger could have been written about virtually any national or world leader, good or bad, throughout history. You could say it about Churchill or Mussolini. You could say it about Pol Pot or the Pope. You could say it about Henry VIII or Idi Amin. You could say it about Hitler or Stalin. Or even Obama! Change the gender of the pronoun and you could say it about Maggie Thatcher, Mother Teresa and Joan of Arc!

"History will record and judge the enormous impact of this singular figure on the people and the world around him" reaches new depths of shallow. Plug in any of the names above or supply your own, and tell me it isn't true.

I suspect the President has a copy of "How to Say As Little As Possible in As Many Words As Possible With a Straight Face or Condescending Look For Dummies."

Friday, November 25, 2016

No. 1 Alabama
clinched the SEC West Championship (its third straight) two Saturdays ago when
it drubbed Mississippi State 51-3 and Auburn lost to Georgia 13-7.

The Dawgs had possession
of the ball for 39 minutes of the game and made 21 first downs compared to the
Tigers’ paltry 10. UGA had 208 passing
yards and 135 rushing yards. Auburn was
in control in the first half but when the Dawgs returned after halftime the
game’s momentum swung in their favor.

The 81st meeting in
the rivalry game known as the Iron Bowl will kick off at 3:30 PM ET at
Bryant-Denny Stadium. CBS will carry the game. The Crimson
Tide won six of the last eight slobberknockers including the last two
games. Bama leads the series 44-35-1.

Auburn last won at
Bryant-Denny in 2010 when Cam Newton was under center. The Tigers come to Tuscaloosa banged up
pretty bad. Unsurprisingly War Eagle is
the heavy underdog in this game. The
Tide has a 78.8% chance of taking the Tigers by their tail and beating the snot
out of them.

Will Sean White’s
shoulder injury keep him out of the Iron Bowl?
Will star running back Kamryn Pettway be well enough to play after
sitting out the last two games? Head
Coach Gus Malzahn is hopeful he can play them both. They’re going to need them badly to even have
a shot at taking down the Tide.

The rivalry between these two schools has long been
recognized as one of the most heated in the country. Auburn is beaten down and desperate. That’s no way to come into Tuscaloosa—with
the Houndstooth, the Rammer Jammer, the bragging fans, the Finebaum freaks and
the Kiffin troll game—but come they must however demoralized they may be. They’re asking themselves isn’t four national
titles in seven years enough? Nope. No it isn’t.

I saw on ESPN’s Gameday two Saturdays ago that Washington
wanted Bama? Really? Don’t make me laugh. The Huskies got beaten by USC 26-13. Bama annihilated the team that beat them on
September 3rd 52-6. Surely
nobody has ever won five titles in eight years, have they? Hmmmm.

And finally, anyone who follows this blog knows that
I am steeped in Alabama football and a reverence for Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant which
goes all the way back to my childhood. I
learned to love the game my daddy loved.
He would be proud of the boys from Tuscaloosa. And, I swear, I can hear him hootin’ and
hollerin’ up there in Heaven after every victory.

Coach Bryant is hoisted on the shoulders of his team
after completing an undefeated regular season. The first nationally televised
Iron Bowl featured Alabama quarterback Joe Namath and receiver Ray Perkins who
led the Tide to a 21 - 14 victory over the Auburn Tigers in the November 26,
1964 matchup held at Legion Field in Birmingham, Alabama. (Photo credit: Robert Adams/The
Birmingham News)

Thursday, November 24, 2016

One of the small joys I have experienced over the years came in the form of a small mixed breed dog. His name will be revealed in the telling...

He was a stray who showed up at my Mom's house. My older brother had a golden Labrador retriever, named Al, acquired while he was stationed in Spain. Al was gentle as could be, except with cats and other male dogs. So here comes this little white, poodle-terrier mix up onto the front porch and just sits there, while my brother's dog snarls and growls madly on the other side of the screen door, wanting to tear this intruder limb from limb. Little white dog refuses to run away. (Nobody ever claimed he was too bright!)

I was visiting my Mom, that evening and we noticed that the dog had a turquoise blue leather, rhinestone studded collar, but no license. His curly hair was not matted at all, as it would be had he been neglected for any time at all, so we figured he belonged to somebody. He came along home until his owner could be found. Surely his owner would be looking for him. And if he had an owner, then he also had a name, which we didn't know, so we didn't call him anything.

Days passed and no one claimed the pooch. And nearly every night, because he wasn't well housebroken, the dog would defecate in the house. And nearly every morning, I would step in a pile of dog poop on my way to the bathroom or kitchen in the dark. (To this day, I can't tell you which is worse...stepping barefoot in cold dog poop or warm dog poop.) And I would tell the animal, "You're just a pooper dog, that's all you're good for!"

The longer he stayed and the longer I called him Pooper, the name stuck. So, now I have a ridiculous dog with a ridiculous name. And of course, having a ridiculous name, how ridiculous would I look calling for him to come home when he'd wandered? So I taught him to come when I whistled, to save us both the embarrassment.

He was a character. He would play with an old, vinyl covered metal clothesline balled up in a twisted lump. He would stick his muzzle into the twisted wire and shake it back and forth as if it were a small animal. David Livingston spoke of how a lion would take a man in its mouth and shake him “as a terrier would a rat”. Or as a Pooper dog would shake a clothesline! He would roll on his back and pretend he was fighting some fierce beast. One day, when I saw him playing this little game, he didn't know I was nearby. When I spoke his name, he dropped the wire... and gave me the most sheepish look of embarrassment that I've ever seen on an animal.

An oscillating sprinkler was all it took to amuse him in the summer. He would leap up and try to bite the water as it sprayed up into the air. And he was always up for a good game of Catch the Tongue. He would stick out his tongue, I would gently catch it between my fingers. He would pull his tongue back. Rinse and repeat.

Oddly enough, he never uttered a sound the first few weeks we had him. But as soon as he felt at home, his territorial urges must have kicked in. Now he had to bark all the time, especially at the mailman! This interloper came around six days a week, right up to his very own front door! The effrontery! So Pooper would bark and bark and bark and jump up and down at the front door as if to say, "Let me at him! If this door wasn't here, I'd rip his legs off!"

Over time, a hole got ripped in the screen door and Pooper could let himself in and out through the hole. Then, when the front door was open and nothing but a hole in the screen separated the dog and his prey, the postman approached. The dog barked and barked and jumped up and down as if to say, "Let me at him! If this door wasn't here, I'd rip his legs off!" same as before, but, it was all bluff! After the postman left, Pooper slipped out through the screen to make sure the postman was gone and then he’d come sedately back in. A poseur in today's vernacular!

He used to climb a stack of firewood up to the top of the redwood fence around the side of our house and walk around the top of the fence on the two by four stringer. It was funny to see this small dog stick his head over the top of a six foot high fence and peer over at you.

When fire trucks would pass nearby, sirens blaring, all the local dogs would bark or howl. Except Pooper, who would stand on the stringer on top of the rear fence and throw his head back, looking like a little, white timberwolf silhouetted against the fenceline, as if he was howling, only no sound would come out. It was a silent howl, which, I suppose, made him feel a part of the canine brotherhood, as if he was contributing to the alarm, in solidarity with his noisy brethren. In his spirit, he was howling.

He was a funny little companion. I loved him and he loved us. When my ex and I had our first child, we were afraid that Pooper might be jealous. We'd read of such things and feared he might even hurt the baby. Our fears were groundless. From the beginning, Pooper seemed to understand that these crawling, mewling rugrats were part of his home and needed to be defended from all intruders, even when they crawled on the floor and raided his kibble dish. I can't tell you how many times I picked up a baby with brown gravy running down its chin!

One day, dog and children were in the front yard and a Doberman Pinscher three times Pooper's size came walking down the sidewalk. That little dog ran full tilt, fiercely growling and barking and chased it out of the yard. I'm sure the Doberman was taken aback at the ferocity of the unprovoked attack, but that little dog would have died before it let anything or anyone past him to get to those children.

He loved to run. When we moved out to the country, he would race around the fields, bounding through the tall grass like a small gazelle. He was a joy to watch. He was a joy. How does one explain or understand such love and loyalty? What strange attractor brought him to my Mom's front porch the day I would be there to take him home?

When he died, I buried him at the edge of a large field under a simple piece of granite, where the deer graze and small dogs run like gazelles without being tired.

Sometimes, joy finds you. And even considering all the “poop” I put up with, literally, and figuratively, I could not put a price on this small miracle. Nor would I trade that small life for clean floors and clean feet and the void I did not know he filled.

A simple tale to share the love and loyalty that cannot be bought and cannot be sold. I guess if men are dogs, this is the one I want to be when I grow up.

Friday, November 18, 2016

It’s Cupcake Week for
the Boys from Tuscaloosa. Lowly Chattanooga
goes up against the mighty Crimson Tide in Bryant-Denny Stadium. Kickoff is 7:00 PM ET on ESPN2.

Last Saturday, the
Georgia Bulldogs beat the Auburn Tigers making Alabama the 2016 SEC West
Champions. We still don’t know who the
SEC East Least champ will be.
Seems there isn’t any team interested in winning it.

Alabama owns the series with the Chattanooga Mocs 12-0-0. Maybe the Mocs can pull off one of the
greatest football upsets in college history against the Tide.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

We are often treated to the myth of the Native American Noble Savage, living in peace and harmony with the environment. Yeah. Right!

I saw this story a couple weeks ago, but for some reason other things have been in the news lately. Exhibit "A" is that noble North Dakotan tribe, protesting an oil pipeline that would come in close proximity to native lands. Not on, close! To protest what they believe could be a potential threat to the environment, they create an actual threat to the environment!

Nothing says "I want to save the environment"" like burning old tires!

I know there's a "smoke signal" joke in there somewhere!Update: Thanks to William Teach over at Pirates Cove for linking to us here!

The World’s Most
Dangerous Community Organizer leaves behind a Western world that is weaker and
poorer than the one he inherited. The
American middle class continues its decline.
Russia is asserting it military might.
China is wielding its economic strength.

Obamas canceled a photo-op of the current and future first couples outside the south entrance of the White House https://t.co/fe79FMZ3cI 🔓

We are
learning today through a published report in the New
York Post President-elect Trump may have to work outside the Oval
Office for up to a year because President Stompyfoot allegedly refused to renovate it bulletproof
glass and other security features the Secret Service would not comment on.

“My understanding is
that for the first year of his time in office, President Trump will not have
the Oval Office,' former senior advisor to President Bush Karl Rove said. “President Obama could have told the
Secret Service, ‘I know you want to modernize the Oval Office with security
enhancements—literally strip it down to the bare walls and build it back up so
we’ve got bullet proof glass and so forth and so on, security arrangements in it,
in my last year in office. But Instead he said, ‘Why don’t you do that [with]
whoever comes next so the president of the United States, President Trump, my
understanding is, will spend most of his first year using Richard Nixon’s old
office in the Old Executive Office Building across executive drive and up the
Navy steps."

What a spiteful
little man.

Remember when he
changed the rug in the Oval Office? New
York Magazine memorialized the change saying his predecessor’s rug with
golden sunbeams radiating out from the presidential seal depicting optimism was
replaced with a "new America-hating" rug with a noticeably thinner bald eagle at
the center of the presidential seal and a ring of iconic hopeful quotations
from five American legends.

You’ll also remember
the international
incident that arose from Obama sending the Churchill bust back to the
British Embassy along with all other art lent to him as President Bush’s
presidency came to an end.

“At the end of our
time with Trump we asked him if the bust of Sir Winston Churchill that Obama
had removed from the Oval Office could be put back in its rightful place. He
enthusiastically thought that was a good idea. Need I say more?”

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Hungry for a
generational change, younger Democrats like Tim Ryan (D-OH) are anxious to end
Nancy Pelosi’s 14 year reign as leader in the House of Representatives. Ryan has serious questions about her judgment. Pelosi, you’ll remember, played a major role
in the passing of the Affordable Care Act in order to find out what was in it.

On Wednesday she sent
a “Dear Colleague” letter to the 193 current and incoming members asking for
their support but making clear she already had more than enough commitments to
win.

“It is with both
humility and confidence that I write to request your support for House
Democratic Leader. As of this writing, I am pleased to report the support of
more than two-thirds of the Caucus,” she wrote.

To make the
decimation of the Democrat Party complete having Nancy lose her leadership position
in the House and saying sayonara as we point and laugh at weaselly Harry Reid and
The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer in one fell swoop would be
DEE-LISH-OUS.

Saturday Night Live’s
Kate McKinnon, known for her impersonations of Granny Clinton for NBC’s comedy
show gave a self-pitying
performance of the late Leonard Cohen’s "Hallelujah" last
weekend.

The song was a goodbye
to many things—to the idea of Hillary as America's first female president, to Cohen
who died the day before the election and to McKinnon's portrayal of Clinton.
(According to the New
York Daily News, Alec Baldwin who portrayed Donald Trump opposite McKinnon
hinted he would not continue in that role past Election Day. He, like all the other snowflakes, believed
Granny would win.)

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

With help from
Republican lawmakers, president-elect Trump will follow through on his
campaign promise to get rid of Obamacare
His campaign manager Kellyanne Conway told
"Fox News Sunday" the president-elect was considering convening a
special session of Congress on the day he's sworn in to repeal Obamacare.

John Barrasso, an orthopedic
surgeon for 24 years and the fourth-ranking member of the Senate GOP
leadership, promised a smooth transition for the millions of Americans who
receive health insurance through the laughably titled Affordable Care Act. Barrasso reassured everyone they won’t be
left out in the cold without coverage.

The weaselly brother
of Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel owes America an apology for the rolling disaster
of skyrocketing premiums, insurers pulling out of exchanges and rising costs of
health care.

Of course, when the
interviewers point out these facts “Zeke” always gets huffy and demands being
allowed to filibuster. He has said, “If
we get rid of the exchanges, it’s going to be very hard to see how you get universal
coverage.”

That’s the whole
point. Americans don’t want single payer
health insurance like Great Britain or Canada and Trump promised to repeal and
replace it.

The
New York Times
is reporting that in addition to the announcement on Sunday that Reince Priebus
had been appointed White House Chief of Staff and Stephen Bannon as Chief Strategist
and Senior Counselor, John Bolton and Rudy Giuliani were under consideration as
Secretary of State and Sarah Palin Interior Secretary.

What the Gray Lady
missed apparently was the news that Jeb Bush would fill the office of Secretary
of Low Energy.

Monday, November 14, 2016

White House Press Secretary
Josh Earnest raised some
eyebrows last Wednesday by leaving the door open on the question of whether
The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer would pardon Granny Clinton
before leaving office.

There is an avalanche
of evidence of felony law violations involving the mishandling of classified
information, destruction of government files and pay-to-play mechanisms via the
State Department directed to the Clinton Foundation which made Bubba and Granny
fabulously wealthy.

It’s not uncommon for
couples to have His & Hers towel sets in their bathroom. Along with her home-brew server right
there in the bathroom at Chappaqua are Bubba and Granny's towels.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Picture
it—high
noon at Bryant-Denny Stadium—the 4-5 Mississippi State Bulldogs take the field
in front of 102,000 rabid Bama fans who are there to see their 9-0 Crimson Tide
wage battle against the upstarts who did the improbable by defeating an
over-hyped fourth-ranked Texas A&M 35-28 last Saturday.

That
win boosted the morale of the Bullpuppies faithful. Who can blame them? After all, the Cubbies won the World Series
and Donald Trump was elected the 45th President of the United States. Anything can happen right?

LSU
wore our ass out last Saturday. Bama
must remain undefeated heading into Cupcake Week against the unranked Chattanooga
Mocs and beyond that against Auburn in the Iron Bowl.

Past
is prologue. The Bulldogs have lost the
last 8 contests against the Crimson Tide. The Boys from Tuscaloosa own the
series 78-18-3 and is a 29-point favorite today. ESPN’s Matchup Predictor gives Alabama a
95.8% chance of beating MSST.

Coach
Saban is working on a streak of eight consecutive 10-win seasons. Can he catch Bobby Bowden’s record? His streak will expand to 9 after today’s
game.

Friday, November 11, 2016

I do not feel compelled to write reviews of every movie I see. I don't see that many, and those I do see seldom rise above a certain formulaic mediocrity. Not so with Hacksaw Ridge.

This is the true story of Desmond T. Doss, played convincingly by Andrew Garfield, as an Army Medic, who served during the Battle of Okinawa, charging into the Hell of battle without a weapon, to become the first Conscientious Objector to be awarded the Medal of Honor.

The movie has a much greater scope than I had imagined. After a brief glimpse of the Hell that was to come, we see a flashback to Desmond's childhood, experiences planting the seeds of the man he will become. We meet his Dad, a WWI veteran, haunted by the ghosts of his past and survivor's guilt, masterfully played by Hugo Weaving. He and Rachel Griffiths, who plays his Mom, come across as genuine, three dimensional people, instead of some stereotypical caricature of rural religious folk.

We next see Desmond as a young adult at the outbreak of WWII. The courtship of his future wife, his travails in basic training, his struggle to stay in the Army (and out of Federal Prison) for holding fast to his beliefs.

The movie is interspersed with humor and heart. The story is compelling and well told. The casting is excellent. The direction and cinematography are both remarkable. The violence is quite graphic, so this movie is not for the very young or faint of spirit. Wait for the toned down edited for TV version.

Trigger warning: There are no delicate snowflakes in this movie. Safe spaces are few and far between. There is some cursing, a lot of violence, and (cover the ears of the children) people of faith who read the Bible and pray! One scene is of a church choir that you cannot unsee!

I very seldom give any movie I see a superlative five out of five stars. For that, the movie must truly be a timeless classic, not just an entertaining pastime or good popcorn movie. Given the very strict standards with which I grade movies, I give Hacksaw Ridge, five out of five stars. I won't say that it is the best war movie I've ever seen. It may be the best movie I've ever seen.

According to The
New York Times NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said on
Thursday the league was looking at a variety of ways to shorten game
broadcasts, including trimming some advertising, to keep the action moving.

The league has seen
its television ratings plunge this season, something that Goodell has said is
related to a number of factors, including the intense interest in the
presidential election, as well as shifts in the way fans have been watching
games.

Goodell noted,
though, that the pace of games could also be a factor in the ratings decline.
Fans have complained for years that games are too long, and they frequently
express annoyance at the number of commercial breaks and video reviews. He also
said he was aware of a surge of complaints that officials were botching calls
on the field.

The commissioner
floated the notion there the election of Donald Trump as president may have
impacted the ratings. Roger, you
simp. There’s a boycott going on. Are you that effing stupid? Ignoring a problem does not make it
disappear.

People are fed up
with convicted criminals, wife beaters, cheaters and dissidents being on team
rosters. They’re tired of showboats like
Kaepernick and Newton. They’re angry
over the disrespect being shown to our flag, our military and our national
anthem and, frankly, to the fans themselves.

Until he addresses those issues he will continue to see his precious ratings do a big, fat swirly
in his NFL toilet.

The New
York Post published a report yesterday saying Chelsea Clinton is being
groomed for the congressional seat held by New York City’s 17th Congressional
District held by Nita Lowey. Lowey’s
district includes parts of Rockland and Westchester counties and, conveniently
Chappaqua, the Clinton family home base.

That’s going to take some industrial
grade grooming given the fact she has none of the political skills or body
parts of her dad and none of the inveterate lying and proclivity for corruption
of her mother.

Why, when we thought the Clinton
political dynasty was finally dead, would Bubba and Granny burden America with
her? ANSWER: You can’t pay the
Clinton Foundation for influence unless you have influence.

Liberals turned
“economic anxiety” into a meme that belittled anyone who didn’t find their life
wonderful. Their popular culture laughed
at them. The "basket of deplorables" took
note.

Trump didn’t just win
in small towns, though he galvanized communities there. He surged in the aspirational
exurbs where conservatives rule culturally. He also surged in Rust Belt
communities that voted for Barack Obama twice. Places like Scranton, PA;
Youngstown, OH; Janesville, WI; Orange County, FL; places that have trended Democratic
for decades. Even union households voted in high numbers for Trump.

When our betters woke
up after Election Night they were left wondering what the hell happened and
questioned how it was that their influence wasn’t more convincing to the great
unwashed. Their relentless mockery is
exactly what fueled the uprising.

Democrats smugly
reassured themselves that a new majority of women, Latinos, African-Americans,
Asian-Americans, gays and lesbians, immigrants, and Muslims would be an
unstoppable coalition. Seems they were
wrong. The forgotten man who had been
left behind these last eight years became a prairie fire.

Bill Cosby, the guy who became known as “America’s Dad” for
his role as Dr. Cliff Huxtable in the popular 1980s TV sitcom The Cosby Show, is no longer the funny
man who felt like family to so many viewers.

The now infamous Cosby has been accused of preying on upwards
of 58 women by sedating them and rendering them incapable of resisting his
sexual assaults.

His sitcom celebrity won him a contract with Kraft Foods the
maker Jello™ Pudding Pops. When Cosby
was accused of sexual misconduct the company took steps to rebrand the product.

“The first step is to
rebrand Pudding Pops,” said
Product Manager Katharine Parkinson. “The shape and color of some of our Pudding
Pops have taken on negative associations through no fault of our own,” she
stressed. “We don’t want people to think of Bill Cosby when they put a Pudding
Pop into their mouths, or the mouths of their children. Unfortunately,
our chocolate Pop is too suggestive of the very acts Bill Cosby is being
accused of committing. We’re protecting a wholesome, cherished treat
enjoyed by millions of people around the world.”

Reuters News Service reported the other
day Cosby’s homeowner’s insurance company; American International Group (AIG)
must defend him against three civil defamation lawsuits in Massachusetts.

AIG had sought
declarations that Cosby's policies excused it from defending and indemnifying
him against personal injury claims "arising out of" sexual
misconduct, as distinct from personal injury claims such as defamation.

The women had alleged
that Cosby harmed their reputations, including through his representatives, by
calling them liars after they publicized their allegations.

Because Hillary
Clinton eluded prosecution from FBI Director James Comey for her misuse of
classified emails, Cosby asked his judge for Hillary’s attorney.

NOTE FROM OUR ATTORNEY: The last
paragraph is untrue but wouldn’t surprise any of us now would it?

A little after 2:00
AM ET this morning at what was supposed to be a victory party, Granny Clinton’s
campaign chairman John Podesta took the stage at the Javits Center in New York
City and told her supporters to go home.

“Some states are too
close to call. We’re not going to have anything more to say tonight.” he told
them.

Bueller. Bueller.

Podesta refuses to concede. "We're not going to have anything more to say tonight! Everyone should go home."

Sunday, November 6, 2016

FBI Director James
Comey said Sunday that the agency has reviewed all of the Hillary Clinton
emails recently discovered in an unrelated case and that his conclusion in July
not to prosecute Clinton after the FBI’s original investigation into her use of
a private email server still stands.

Comey informed
Congress on Oct. 28 that the agency would in the unrelated case review
additional emails related to Clinton’s time running the State Department from
2009 to 2013.

“Since my letter, the
FBI investigative team has been working around the clock to process and review
a large volume of emails,” Comey said Sunday in a follow-up letter to Congress.
“During that time we reviewed all of the communications that were to or from Hilary
Clinton as secretary of state. Based on our review, we have not changed our
conclusion.”

So Congress couldn't read 2,700 pages of Obamacare bill before voting on it, but the FBI read 650,000 emails in just 9 days.

Sen. Al Franken (D-MN)
said
early Sunday that he is "nervous" about the presidential race two
days before Election Day.

"A lot of
Democrats out there are nervous. Are you among them?" Jake Tapper asked
the senator on CNN's State of the Union.

"Oh, sure. I'm
always nervous. I was nervous in '12. I was nervous in '08 — for good
reason," Franken replied.

He and other Hillary
sycophants have besodden themselves after hearing Trump was visiting
Minneapolis-St. Paul today and Pence would be in Duluth on Monday.

The quick visit puts
Trump’s face behind his claim that he can win Minnesota, which last voted for a
Republican presidential candidate in 1972, along with other traditionally
Democratic states. The visit also gives Trump access to the crucial voters of western
Wisconsin, a swing state in nearly every poll.

Minnesota polling has
shown Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton with a lead in the single digits, but Minnesota
Republican Party Chairman Keith Downey said the election has been moving
in Republicans’ direction both here and nationwide.

He added that when he
goes to canvassing centers, he tells volunteers: "Many of you have jobs.
Many of you have families. Ignore them. Get on the doors."

This is virtually the
same thing he said in July at the Democratic National Convention, “Many of you
have jobs. Many of you have families. Ignore them. Let me tell you something:
kids love it when their parents aren't home. And let me tell you something
else. An 8-year-old knows how to use a microwave. And let me tell you something
else. An 8-year-old can teach a 4-year-old how to use a microwave. That's just
scientific fact. They'll be fine. You have work to do. Get on those phones. Knock
on those doors. And tell 'em Al Franken sent you.”

Franken, an alleged
comedian, gained notoriety for his role as Stuart Smalley; an effeminate
man with a perfectly coiffed bleached-blonde hairdo wearing a powder blue
cardigan sweater on Saturday Night Live during the 1990s. Of course he’s nervous about Tuesday’s
presidential election. After all, he’s
only in the Senate because of voter
shenanigans at the ballot box involving Lizard People.

The
New York Post — As secretary of state, Hillary Clinton routinely asked
her maid to print out sensitive government e-mails and documents — including
ones containing classified information — from her house in Washington, DC,
e-mails and FBI memos show. But the housekeeper lacked the security clearance
to handle such material.

In fact, Marina
Santos was called on so frequently to receive e-mails that she may hold the
secrets to E-mailgate — if only the FBI and Congress would subpoena her and the
equipment she used.

Clinton entrusted far
more than the care of her DC residence, known as Whitehaven, to Santos. She
expected the Filipino immigrant to handle state secrets, further opening the
Democratic presidential nominee to criticism that she played fast and loose with
national security.

Clinton would first
receive highly sensitive e-mails from top aides at the State Department and
then request that they, in turn, forward the messages and any attached
documents to Santos to print out for her at the home.

Among other things,
Clinton requested Santos print out drafts of her speeches, confidential memos
and “call sheets” — background information and talking points prepared for the
secretary of state in advance of a phone call with a foreign head of state.

In a classified 2012
e-mail dealing with the new president of Malawi, another Clinton aide, Monica
Hanley, advised Clinton, “We can ask Marina to print this.”

“Revisions to the
Iran points” was the subject line of a classified April 2012 e-mail to Clinton
from Hanley. In it, the text reads, “Marina is trying to print for you.”

Both classified
e-mails were marked “confidential,” the tier below “secret” or “top secret.”

Santos also had
access to a highly secure room called an SCIF (sensitive compartmented
information facility) that diplomatic security agents set up at Whitehaven,
according to FBI notes from an interview with Abedin.

From within the SCIF,
Santos — who had no clearance — “collected documents from the secure facsimile
machine for Clinton,” the FBI notes revealed.

Just how sensitive
were the papers Santos presumably handled? The FBI noted Clinton periodically
received the Presidential Daily Brief — a top-secret document prepared by the
CIA and other US intelligence agencies — via the secure fax.

A 2012 “sensitive”
but unclassified e-mail from Hanley to Clinton refers to a fax the staff wanted
Clinton “to see before your Netanyahu mtg. Marina will grab for you.”

Yet it appears
Clinton was never asked by the FBI in its yearlong investigation to turn over
the iMac Santos used to receive the e-mails, or the printer she used to print
out the documents, or the printouts themselves.

As The Post first
reported, copies of Clinton’s 33,000 allegedly destroyed e-mails still
exist in other locations and could be recovered if investigators were
turned loose to seize them. Higher-ups at the Justice Department reportedly
have blocked them from obtaining search warrants to obtain the evidence.

It also appears the
FBI did not formally interview Santos as a key witness in its investigation.

This is a major
oversight: Santos may know the whereabouts of a missing Apple MacBook laptop
and USB flash drive that contain all of Clinton’s e-mails archived over her
four years in office.

In 2013, Hanley
downloaded Clinton’s e-mails from her private server to the MacBook and flash
drive.

“The two copies of
the Clinton e-mail archive (one on the archive laptop and one on the thumb
drive) were intended to be stored in Clinton’s Chappaqua and Whitehaven
residences,” the FBI said in its case summary.

But Hanley says the
devices were “lost,” and the FBI says it “does not have either item in its possession.”

In addition to
Abedin, Santos worked closely with Hanley at Whitehaven and could shed light on
the mystery — if only she were asked about it.

When a Post reporter
confronted Santos at her DC apartment Friday, she would say only, “I don’t
speak to reporters.”

According to a 2010
profile in The Philippine Star, close Clinton friend Vernon Jordan recommended
Santos to the Clintons after she worked part-time for him.

Bill Clinton gave a
speech in Manila as part of his foundation and took time to visit with the
family of the “mayordoma [housekeeper] of his Washington, DC, home — Marina
Santos.”

He was quoted as
describing Santos as the “wonderful woman who runs our home in Washington,
without whom Hillary will not be able to serve as secretary of state.” The
article ended remarking, without a hint of irony: “Marina now runs his house so
that he and his wife can better serve interests higher than their own.”

Santos could turn out
to be the Betty Currie of the Clinton e-mail scandal. Currie was the secretary
for President Clinton. She also came recommended by Jordan, and became famous
as a central witness in the Monica Lewinsky scandal for her handling of gifts
given to Clinton’s mistress.

Investigators had
sought the gifts, allegedly hidden under Currie’s bed on orders from Clinton,
as evidence.

The State Department
and Clinton campaign did not respond to requests for comment.