I am a sex worker in South Australia, I speak for myself only, and I urge you to read and hear the words of other current sex workers on the issues I write about here.

If at any time you sense a bitter or hostile tone in anything I write, please try to understand that it is due to years of overt, systemic, structural, ongoing, accepted, supported, celebrated discrimination that I and people I love have faced from every institution including the legal system, religions, health, media, academia, from the wider community, both conservative and from progressive groups and even in feminist spaces. Discrimination and exclusion hurts the most when it comes from the people you care about and who you thought you could trust. I feel like that about feminism. As a young woman I got involved in feminist groups but I wasn’t out about my sex work so it took me a while to realise how feminism and feminists speak and think about me, and it still hurts.

We can agree to disagree on the politics of choice and on whether there is an inherent danger in sex or lots of it or whether sex work is worse or better than anything else in a patriarchal world. I am not going to address that here although I think they are interesting and thought provoking debates. Interesting, I mean, if I and people I care about were not being directly and daily affected by the negative outcomes of these debates. (http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/45278.html)

But I believe that if we can respect each other’s motives, then it is possible to have a respectful conversation about our actions. If we trust each other’s motives, there might still be hope that we can find some way forward. I completely respect that a feminists motives for engaging in any debate or action regarding sex work is because they are concerned for sex workers safety and they want to protect women from exploitation. I hope you can respect that a sex workers motives for engaging in any debate or political action regarding sex work are exactly the same. If you agree that that is our common goal then I hope that you will read on with an open mind, without judgment and take time to consider what I say.

You need to listen to sex workers. Current sex workers, those who are currently working in whatever country or location or brothel you are concerned about. You need to trust us. Believe that we want what is best for us and our co workers. Please understand that I have the best interests of sex workers at heart. All sex workers, even those who don’t want to do sex work. Especially those. I love sex workers, I love my community. Trust me to speak out about injustice, let me tell you about how we fight against it. Believe me when I tell you what’s really going on for us. There are so many sex workers voices out there, find them, listen to them. I know that if you don’t agree with me you could easily ignore me by citing 1000 dodgy ‘studies’ and applying patronising false consciousness theories (http://www.derailingfordummies.com/#false ) but if you can bring yourself to put that aside for a moment, and search out sex workers own voices, we might be able to challenge that. We need you to believe us so that we can trust you.

Please don’t presume anything about any of us. We are not any of the things that you have heard. And we are all of them. We are not one dimensional, we are diverse, we are not all women. The only universal characteristic that all sex workers share is the stigma we face. We are unethically researched (http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/oct/03/research.women), abused by cops (http://swannet.org/en/node/896) , universally patholigised and suffer discrimination from all areas of our lives in very real and measurable ways. Please please do not add to that. Challenge the stereotypes. It is tiring having to give you my life story trying to break down all your preconceived ideas before I can even share anything real with you. We waste so much time and energy trying to challenge your beliefs about sex workers and sex work, that we exhaust ourselves for the real fight. And that is what we can both agree on which is promoting sex workers safety and protecting women from exploitation.

I beg you to please not get involved or promote or initiate any political, social or public action regarding sex work, based only on your preconceived ideas without first doing the above. It is not OK to pick a topic and start lobbying around it without first checking with the people you are supposed to be looking out for. I think that is called paternalism. Or social work. While you may think you have valid points or an important critical analysis that may well be true, you cannot fully be aware of the impact of your actions or the outcome of whatever you are lobbying for or against, on the real lives of real sex workers. Something may sound good on paper, but do you really know the social, political, cultural and economical context intimately. Have you considered how this idea could negatively impact on the people you want to help? Have you analysed how your idea might work when up against the historical and ongoing structural inequality that sex workers face?

Remember your words have power (http://www.smh.com.au/business/westpac-pulls-out-of-brothel-project-20110815-1iu75.html). While as a feminist or as a woman, you may not be used to being listened to by the dominant structures, but when you talk about sex work this often changes. Sex workers don’t get a voice in mainstream spaces, so when you talk on behalf of us, you are taking the small amount of space we get. So please don’t use it to make our lives harder. Remember that your words will suddenly become powerful when they are agreeing with or supporting the dominant discourse of sex workers as victims or as fallen women. Don’t sell us out to the Madonna and the Whore dichotomy. Let’s not be played off against each other like dammed whores and gods police.

In South Australia sex work is still criminalised under laws that date back to the 1930’s. Police harass sex workers, arrest us, use our condoms and other safe sex products and information, against us evidence. Once convicted we are ‘known sex workers’ and it is illegal to ‘consort’ with us. The criminalisation creates barriers for us to report crimes against us or to call on police if we need them. We also have to hide our condoms, cant put up safe sex poster or messages, don’t have any OH&S protections and no legal rights as workers. We cannot discuss our do’s and don’ts openly with potential clients because it could be an undercover cop. Our convictions are grouped with all sex offences and they stay with us for life!! (http://www.acsa.org.au/linked/resources/media_releases/MR-WhoresDay09.pdf)

In Queensland you have two choices, work for one of the 25 licensed brothels or you must work completely alone. If you want to work for yourself you can not employ a receptionist or work with another sex worker or have anyone else on premises. This is apparently to protect you from pimping. Obviously anyone who works alone has increased vulnerability and criminals know this. (http://www.pla.qld.gov.au/theLaw/)

In Darwin, you have two choices, you can work for an escort agency but you will have to get registered with the local police and these records have been known to be used inappropriately, including giving full details during police clearances when sex workers apply for other jobs. Obviously this creates barriers for those who want to leave the industry. If you don’t want to do that you can work for youself, completely alone providing escort only services where you visit the client at their home or hotel. You cannot work from your own place and there are no legal brothels. Many sex workers feel safer working in their own space and brothels provide a good opportunity for peer support. Only allowing one type of work means sex workers are forced to work in ways they may not be comfortable doing (http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/05/14/2899297.htm?site=darwin)

In Victoria, sex workers are forced to undergo mandatory monthly STI checks, (http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/monthly-sex-worker-tests-are-ridiculous-health-experts-say-20110530-1fctn.html) even though all statistics in Australia prove that sex workers have better sexual health than the general public, and even though there are many sex workers who only work a couple of shifts a month and many who do not provide a full sex service. But still sex workers are forced to attend the doctors and be probed and prodded by the state without dignity instilling ill informed stereotypes about sex workers as vectors of disease who must be controlled in order to protect the general public. We use condoms. They work, check the stats. This is not the 1900’s when sex workers with Chlamydia would be detained in hospitals in order to ensure a clean supply of whores to the US sailors. Give us good work conditions and we can protect our own health. (http://www.afao.org.au/view_articles.asp?pxa=ve&pxs=103&pxsc=127&pxsgc=138&id=671)

In WA the Labor government is planning on introducing a new bill that covers sex work and includes the requirements that sex workers must be fingerprinted. It reverses the onus of proof if sex work is suspected and it requires sex workers to display their full real name in their workplace where clients can view it. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how revolting and problematic that is on so many levels. (http://www.scarletalliance.org.au/library/wa_2011/)

I’ll stop at five, because I could be here all night. I have only touched on the legislation, but there are many other issues that we need help with too, just ask us.

When you see us fighting back against the idea that we are all victims, it’s not because we are glossing over the problems with our industry. We acknowledge the problems. We live with them, we fight against them, we unite over them. And sometimes we make progress. It’s just that when you come in on your white steed ready to rescue us, you often miss the point. I know that rescuing sex slaves and helpless women is way more interesting than boring workers rights, OH&S, anti discrimination, law reform and industrial protections but it is exactly workers rights, OH&S, anti discrimination, law reform and industrial protections that is going stop exploitation and provide us with safe workplaces.

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29 thoughts on “A Letter to Feminists:”

First, I wouldn’t be here engaging with you if I didn’t respect you! Otherwise, it just wouldn’t be worth my time!

You mention listening to current sex workers, which I agree is important. There is a problem though, in that the one’s who are willing to join the sex workers rights’ groups are, willing to make sex work part of their identity. There are plenty of women who “agree” to be fucked by men at the end of a work week because they simply cannot put food on the table for their children, even with a “square” job. These are not women who are going to join a sex worker’s rights group, or even start a blog to talk about their experience. They may post anonymously on a website they frequent, as I have witnessed happen. Then other women will come forward saying they used to engage in prostitution (their term) and tell said woman how much better she deserves.

But women who are just trying to survive, which is women who make up most of the prostituted class, are not traveling to conferences to speak out about their right to do this as a job.

In places where sex workers are allowed to form unions, only a minute percentage actually join. They don’t want to see this as a career or something they will be doing for any length of time. Joining a union makes their hell real.

Something that I think gets over-looked a lot is that problems of exploitation exist in every aspect of work and labor the world over. The majority of the world’s workers, not just sex workers, are doing what they’re doing just to make ends meet. The majority of the world’s workers do not have access to unions and do not enjoy the protection of worker’s advocacy groups and effective legislation.
The problem is not that the sex industry is inherently complicated, convoluted, or morally reprehensible, the problem is that our current global economy is built to thrive and depend upon on exploitation of the many for the profits and enjoyment of the few.

Dear WOAJ,
I have worked with women who have in times of financial crisis due to circumstances beyond there control have engaged in sex work. I also have friends who have worked in the sex industry who did not have these financial issues. They left the industry when it was no longer what they wanted with out being highly traumatised, but keep there former profession to themselves due to the stigma that exists in our community. This does not appear to be the group of women that you are referring to in your comments. You appear to be referring to women living in poverty who live on a benefit or inadequate wage. It seems strange to me that you would spend your energy talking about prostitution or ‘getting fucked’ rather than the systems and inequity that allows women to be working poor.

Joining a union would not make their hell real, it would make their hell much less, just as it does for any worker who joins a union in any occupation. Only a minute amount of sex workers join unions because they’re afraid that will out them and increase the stigma against them. That problem has nothing whatsoever to do with the work itself; it has to do with the way the world treats sex working women. Another reason for the minute number of women joining sex worker unions is the lack of promotion to do so from people such as yourself. Imagine how things would change for the better, imagine how many sex working women would indeed join a union if feminists banded together to promote the cause of their joining. Battered wives kept quiet about their batterings until feminism put a stop to the silence. Sex working women need support for their work from feminism, not a constant disapproval of it. Help them feel proud of who they are, and watch them shine.

Down through history, it has always been the intellectual class that has “gone to conferences” to make things better for the working class. The sex worker situation is absolutely, positively no different, so why are you trying to find fault with what the thinking sex workers are trying to do for the ones who are simply surviving? This is nothing new; this is the way it has always been, for all worthy social causes, throughout all social strata, in every civilization. How can you, an intellectual feminist who is always concerned about the rights of working class women, find anything amiss with the intellectual sex workers doing exactly the same thing for their group?

Please try to ease up with the term “prostituted women.” That denotes forced, not self-determined. Most prostitutes are self-determined, even the ones just surviving.

And please recognize that you are getting “exhausted” because you will not win this fight. Your prejudices, bias, and refusal to wholeheartedly support the rights of sex workers is going to make you very tired indeed, because we will not back down from the recognition that when it comes to sex workers’ rights, feminism completely loses its integrity. (And this saddens me, because I’ve always identified as a feminist.)

“Most prostitutes are self-determined, even the ones just surviving”. I’m sorry survival sex is just survival. In a world where a woman had a livable wage and safe conditions, you know for a fact that she wouldn’t choose prostitution, hence all of the survival sex that occurs. Please try to remain intellectually honest and rigorous on this point.

Thanks for your comment, and i completely agree. Sex worker orgs have gaps for those poeple who do not identify as a sex worker and those who are merely engaging in sex work in order to survive.

But you forget that sex worker organisations are filled with actual sex workers. We dont rely on blogs and conferences to engage with sex workers, we are all the time when we are at work. Like, we work with sex workers… every day. We are sex workers. These poeple you talk about are my colleauges and my friends.

And so, I can still talk to sex workers, many sex workers, not just the privileged ones. And if you are in a position to talk to current sex workers, and those who are only engaged in sex work for survival, you can still ask them how you think you should help them. I am saying, that even those workers you refer too, do not want their clients criminalised or their only form of survival criminalised. They may want the abusive people and exploitative workplaces criminalised, but probably not in a way that means they cant survive. I am not saying and have never said there isnt help that can be provided, i have only asked that you be careful about what help you try to provide.

Vcc87 implies that I’m not being “intellectually honest” or “rigorous” on my points. She insists that survival sex is something horrible that no woman would choose if she didn’t have to. A lot of women clean toilets, sling hash and change shitty diapers for a living because they have to. Some are even in more honorable professions because they feel they have to, not because they want to, as with nurses who must deal with shit, puke and blood all day long but would rather be doing something else, but they stay with nursing because the demand is high and the money is good. In sex work those attractions are even better. All of the occupations I just mentioned (other than sex work) protect the workers, even though many of the workers are there just to survive. I will never understand why feminists obsess over sex work as inherently evil because it’s “survival” for some of the workers, when so many other types of work are just survival too. And I will never understand why they insist that we are the ones not being “intellectually honest”. When will they ever start facing their contradictions, which would make them so much more honest if they did, and understanding that the safety that’s so lacking for sex workers requires their advocacy and support?

I am quite active with NZPC (New Zealand Prostitute’s Cooperative). I stop by there quite often and,yes, it’s staffed with ex- or current sex workers..
When I worked for Asian brothel, a lot of times the girls from there asked me to bring back condoms and lube(sold at huge discount at NZPC) and asked questions.
So,yes, I fully support Jane’s point of view: although none of the Asian girls wanted to be identified as sex workers, they talked to me and I was able to get the message across. I was also able let NZPC know their (Asian girls) point of view

I like this letter a lot, and its time that feminists in and out of the sex industry started a dialogue.

I can’t agree with you tho that the way forward isnt criminalisation of “clients”. IMHO economic coercion to have sex is not valid consent, commodifies (particularly) women and their sexuality and undermines gender equality.

I appreciate that women in prostitution may not want their industry shut down, and I can understand that – but I dont agree. I believe its a harmful industry not just for many women involved, but also by extrapolation for all women. Where I will agree with you tho is that laws and repressive state approaches should not target sex workers.

but again, even if just agree to disagree on that aspect, criminalising clients of sex workers has a direct negative impact on sex workers.

Not just our income, but also our ability to work safely. It means I cannot work from my own space where I feel safe, I instead have to go deeper into shadows meeting my clients in their spaces where they feel safe.

It will mean all the good decent clients will stop visiting me and and only the ones with nothing to lose will visit me, which makes me feel less safe.

It will mean my clients with disabilities will no longer be able to see me, which is an area of my work that gives me great satisfaction.

And on the note about sex industry being bad for all women, I disagree. But even if it were true, the sex industry does not harm women as much as bad laws effect sex workers.

In Sweden, the famous and revolting quote regarding their unsafe laws that criminalise sex workers, made by a well known journalist in an evening paper in response to the evaluation of their laws that suggested sex workers feel less safe under the “swedish model” (criminalising clients) goes something like this “So sex workers are at greater risk of violence, this seems like a small sacrifice on the alter of gender equality”

I refuse to be sacrificed on the alter of gender equality. That is not any kind of equality i want.

I just discovered your blog and I love what you’re doing. I too am an indie sex worker and I too am starting dialogues with people, particularly feministic people, who are overtly or partially against what we do.

I am the author of: Are They Bad Girls or Brilliant?, which could be construed as a book of impassioned yet very well-documented blogs.

The misperceptions and exxagerations re: harm to women in sex work will not be properly addressed until we, the very people that feminism scathes or wants to rescue, make them understand some truths that they fratricidally ignore.

My experiences as an escort have been very similar to yours. I have known virtually no violence from clients, and I feel that I’m usually the party in charge. The men are usually compliant, and show that they want to be, even in situations where they know I have no protection.

You are SO RIGHT in making the point that women get hurt much more by men in legal, domestic situations. If they want to show some integrity, the anti-prostitutionists should be trying to ban marriage just as much.

While I respect your decision and it’s entirely up to you whatever you do, I want to tell you that in countries like India, minor girls are sold, trafficked and forced into prostitution every day. They don’t get a chance to education, liberty and love because people like you make it seem as if it’s a respectable choice. I want to say that if educated women like you are making “ends meet” like this, people everywhere are just going to support this. i have often seen people tell me that prostitutes do it out of their own will and these young girls are forced by their pimps to lie to NGOs and the police. If you respect yourself, please get an education and WORK. There is much good to do in this world!

You are pretty much saying that sex work isn’t work. It most certainly is work. Anything that services another human being physically, emotionally or spiritually is work, and sex work is all three kinds of service. I’m always appalled by the people who have never done sex work and think they have a right to evaluate it. Who do you think you are.

As for the Indian prostitutes…it is never reasonable to compare work conditions in two such extremely different worlds. Throwing India in the face of developed-world, self-determined prostitutes is exactly the same as telling contented, well-treated, privileged wives that marriage is no good, that they shouldn’t be married, and that marriage should be outlawed, because some lowlifes on the other side of town are beating and raping their wives.

“If you respect yourself, please get an education and WORK. There is much good to do in this world!”

Pfffft! That is perhaps the most patronizing thing I’ve ever heard, and believe me, I’ve heard a lot of condescending things. You just insinuated that sex workers have no self-respect, that we don’t work, and that we don’t do any good in the world. I guess we’re just a bunch of lazy whores who just lay around and spread our legs and get easy money and contribute nothing of value to society. I completely resent that. I work my butt off, thank you very much, and I also believe that I am doing good in the world with the work that I’m doing. I specialize in tantric massage, which is a healing art. (And it’s hard work!) And I believe in the inherent healing potential of sexuality in general. If healing isn’t doing good for the world, then I don’t know what is.

There’s some of the problem in a nutshell. People don’t understand that our work IS work and they don’t understand that our work is healing. I have written a 749 page book that shows how both are true. I would sure like Boadie to read it. I would send that person a free copy. That’s if he or she has the guts to ask for it.

Hiding our faces has nothing to do with shame. We are proud of who we are and what we do. If we hide our faces it’s for security reasons. Judgmental people like you might make our lives difficult. Not to mention law enforcement…we are forced to be criminals.

Well said Aphrodite.
Becauseimawhore, I just discovered this site and have bookmarked it. I’m not a prostitute but 1, I never judge anyone 2, I have friends who are sex workers 3, I appreciate what you doing…on both counts. I’m from Africa and might be able to give you some insight about how it all goes down here, should the need arise.

thanks for starting this discussion, As a very public and long term feminist, I don’t get why so many who call themselves feminists claim they can decide what others do with their bodies. The more legal and visible sex workers and their work are, the less likely it is they will be coerced and abused. So banning and/or restricting sex work, denies the women involved their right to work in their trade and puts them at risk. the data is there so drop these prurient prejudices that echo the moral arguments that controlled women in other areas. Good sex workers are highly skilled and contribute a services that many enjoy! look at the disability services on offer.

I’m glad that you have had a positive experience and have never experienced violence. Truly I am. But honestly, when I’m looking at this issue, I put the needs of trafficked women ahead of the needs of women who have entered your profession freely. I also take the right for all women to achieve equality above your right as an individual to work as a prostitute. Similarily I support laws that limit people’s right to own guns, because while I know that the majority of gun owners are not criminals I also know that society is safer as a whole when there are fewer guns in circulation. So, while I appreciate the fact that you have not been hurt by this industry and do not want to jeopardize your means to earn money I do support the Nordic Model which is based on the principle of gender equality and also seems to be helping the countries who have adopted it to reduce the trafficking of human beings.

Your gun analogy is nonsensical. Taking the right away from prostitutes to work, or criminalizing their customers, forces them to live in fear of arrest and makes it harder for them to make a living. How can you compare that to the gun issues???

Violence against prostitutes will only significantly decrease when feminism and other factions achieve legislation for proactive protection of prostitutes in their work places. It’s no different than the strict laws that now force husbands to think twice before hitting or raping their wives. And think twice they certainly do. Why is it so difficult for feminists to see that the same sanctions against violent husbands are needed for violent clients? It’s that simple. Any other measures will fail. Why? Because prostitution will never stop. That fact is never squarely faced by feminists, and it must be. Accept that fact and get passionately proactive about sex workers’ rights and protection.

Feminists want a world that where women have access to livable wages for work that won’t expose them to the harms of the sex trade. No on is denying what you are doing as work, what we are denying is that it should be relegated to “just another job” in a labor union. If you don’t realize that sex work affects all women, not just those doing the work, I encourage you to read more about the exploitation of women in capitalism. Without the whore, there is no madonna.

vcc, dont patronise me by telling me to read more feminism theory. i have read it, i get it, but i passionately disagree with the suggestion that sex work is violence against women, and i actively reject the idea that the existance of the sex industry harms all women. sorry, i aint taking your victim blaming on board, find a new scape goat. what one woman does to make ends meat is NOT the problem. And we should be supported to do what we want with our own bodies and feminists should be fighting for our right to do it safely….. and your last sentence is SO SO SO SO disgustingly telling….. sooo its the whores fault that there is a mdaonna/whore dichotomy is there? not sure how when whores realise better than anyone that its false and there is no invisible line between good woman and bad women….. here was me thinking it was men, religion and patriarchy thatt invented that lie but…. but then here you are pushing it as a feminist notion…. wow. just wow.

I visited an Escort in her Flat today, one I’ve never seen before and the only thing that went on is we had a lovely hour together, nothing sordid just a happy time, yes money changed hands but what’s so evil about money changing hands? The general public don’t seem particularly bothered what two adults get up but I wonder why feminists get so worked up, you may get the impression I’m a bit down lol post meeting a lovely woman always leaves me happy but down for a day or two.