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Monday, January 23, 2012

The Doust Files - Albany Advertiser 17/1/2012

This column has been written standing up, on my feet,
keyboard on a lectern, screen elongated to its full extremity on a desk.

Why? Pain. Oh, I can hear the sympathy cries. Please, let me
speak.

The thing is, like a lot of men, I am not good with pain.
What do I do, scream, lie still for hours, call for a glass of water, whimper
for a sandwich as soon as the working woman arrives home from her daily grind?

No, that’s not me. My history with pain has not been a sensible
one. Like many country blokes of this and previous generations, I have tended
to ignore, push through and do battle with those bits that hurt me.

So, when I woke up this morning with a knife in my left
side, I did what any country bloke worth his pepper would do, I grabbed the
handle and stuck it in further. In other words, I headed for the garden, took a
spade, called it by its name, and went for it.

Of course, as soon as I stopped for breakfast, the pain
returned full of vengeance, vitriol and a fierce determination to stop me in my
track and make sure I couldn’t find another one to walk on.

All this reminded me of the time I damaged my knees while
distributing a small booklet I had written called “How to lose an election”. Instead of stopping for the day I decided
to complete the job while hobbling and running at the same time.

Eventually I collapsed and every so often the knees remind
me of my idiocy by giving way beneath me.

Finally, to close, a few words of advice for blokes just like
me from that great Australian philosopher Oliver Newton John, who once, when in
pain, sang: Listen to your body talk.

And it would have helped if she had added: Then go and see
your health care professional.