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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Jen and I are often asked what it's like to be "professional" bloggers. How do we spend our days? Do we have a swimming pool filled with gold coins? Are there fantastic parties and gourmet ketchups? The answer to all these questions is yes. Jen even has a green dress. (But not a real green dress. That's cruel.)

That doesn't mean it's all fun and games, though. Sometimes we take naps.

In fact, I think I'll keep a diary for a day, just so you can see firsthand the "glorious life" of the "Professional Blogger." Enjoy!

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1:00 pm - Woke up to cats hammering on door and yowling. Note to self: get thicker door. Also, new cats.

OMG! That lobster...monstrosity...is unbelievable. Those suckers are huge!

I'm actually hoping hard they're real lobsters. Because the thought of somebody making such realistic lobsters out of cake, and then arranging them like that (complete with wig and...smoking cigar?) is too freaky. But making an arrangement like that (complete with wig and...smoke bomb?) seems completely rational (in comparison).

Oh, I hope those are real lobsters because surely they didn't put KALE on a cake! But since this is CAKE Wrecks, I'm guessing that is actually a cake. Seriously, Kale tastes nasty on a salad, so let's put it on a cake!

Can't work out *what* is going on with that castle cake, though. Sugar cubes? Well at least they're edible, unlike the wrapping of - is that the bobbly chain stuff you get on bathplugs? Surely not. And is that jam on top of the turrets?

And what on earth is up with the figures on the top? What is the front one in the fright mask doing ? Whatever it is, the one behind really wishes he wasn't there to see it.

I'm pretty sure that those are real. I've worked with lobsters before and those just look too perfect to be fake. (The rubber band marks on their claws are a detail I wouldn't have expected if they weren't real.)

My reaction to the lobster thing "Whoa... wow... whoa... Is that lobster in a wig...smoking?... with a matching boa on the Topiary...AND OH MY GAWD THAT'S HINEY-MAN! someone is even pointing at him!!!"

The guy in the background of the lobster tower picture is NOT Jamie Hyneman.

First of all, the beard appears to be the wrong color and too long. The guy in the picture looks like his beard is black/gray and looks like it is covering his neck (albeit that it is hard to tell in the picture). Jamie's beard is reddish and does not go past his chin.

Second, look closely at the hat. The *only hat* Jamie wears is a black *beret*. And the guy in the picture looks like he's wearing some kind of caption's hat.

Oh god. That lobster is something out of MY nightmares. Seriously. When I was about 5 I had a nightmare involving a giant lobster erupting through the floor on my house and sucking people's insides out with its giant claws. (My mother later woke up and found me on the couch, muttering about a lobster in my bed trying to eat my toes).

Darn you guys and the tricky timing of drinking while reading your blog, just cleaned coffee off the computer monitor...anywhoodle...after nursing 5 children (at different times and different years) I have yet to make whipped cream come from my tata's...someone envisioned talent!!!

PS...my laughter is only further induced by my word verification word for commenting today repasty...ie when you reattach your pasty..hehehehe

My 5 year old son was looking at these after I laughed at the lactating jokes (he didn't see the visual). He then asks what the next ones were (heart shaped?). I said "I have no idea" and he said, "Maybe girl chests?".

What boob made the lactation cake? Maybe someone trying to pay their way through nursing school. That cake could be used as a weapon of mast destruction. Bra-vo, wreckerator. Well, anyway, regardless of appearance I would totally engorge myself on that cake. Especially if it was pinipple upside down cake.

Oh great now I too fear that lobster in a blond wig. If it comes to eat me in my dreams I am bringing you all with me lmao. Seriously just throw water on it and maybe the thing will melt into oblivion where it belongs!

#2 A dog wearing a disguise, perhaps? Just looking at all that frosting makes my teeth hurt.

#3 A sloth with a major attitude problem -- almost an oxymoron.

#4 There are no words.

#5 There are no safe words. Except perhaps 'dairy queen'. I don't mean the brand.

#6 This could have been so nice, until it was sucked into the Sandra Lee zone. I have no quarrel with buttercreme, but parts of this look like actual butter -- strike 1. Real bead chains? Yeah, that's safe -- strike 2. The topper looks like two pieces from a Samurai chess set. Why? What does 'seafoop' mean? How did they manage to get artificial flowers to wilt? Strikes 3 through 5.

#7 [The Barry Manilow marathon on the p.a. is interrupted by:] "Dr. Freud to the bakery, Dr. Freud to the bakery, STAT."

#8 I need to know where this occurred so I can be sure never to go there. A lobster with a blond wig & smoking? Really?

I can see college students pulling something like this during a break in an all-night cram session. But to think that actual grown-ups were paid to make a tower of lobsters...

I'm 90% sure that's Jamie Hyneman from 'Mythbusters' in the background -- that might explain this. (You can't go by the color of beard, etc. because like most indoor digital pictures, this photo has color correction issues.) I think this was the episode where they set out to disprove that one must be a rational adult in order to be a caterer. Busted!

I read a blog today, oh boyAbout a man who gets to gradeA bunch of cakes that are rather sadWell, I just had to laughI saw the photographI spewed my coffee out on my screenI noticed that the spelling had changedA crowd of people sat and commentedThey'd seen this beforeNobody was really sure if it was Spaceship Earth

A cake that says "Just Bed"And another cat with a mis-shaped headA wreckerator had used a styrofoam cupI looked up and noticed that pizza cake (eww eww)John woke up to yowling catsJen looked at cakes of phallic batsI found my way to the end of your dayI will have nightmares of that lobster cakeAHH! AHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHH-AHHHHH!

I read a blog today, oh boyFour thousand sprinkles on so many cakes this yearAnd though the sprinkles were rather smallJen had to comment on them allEven though "I want sprinkles" there were none at allI love Cake Wreck blog!

The pink garland thing wrapped around the little tree in the background of that frightening lobster cake kind of cracked me up, plus the guy with the walrus mustache looking ocnfusedly at that lovely cake and decor.

the lobster in a blond wig in all her glory holding i duuno what in her claw !!! would love to know the story behind that. speaking of behind, there are some yummy looking puff pastries behind the lobster...

You keep the same hours I do. Nice to know I'm not the only one. My relatives and friends keep trying to change me. Heck, I'm retired, no reason not to stay up all night and sleep during the day, right? right? Oh, hell.~physicsmom

As the submitter of the "cat" in #1, that was SUPPOSED to be an easter bunny, according to the baker. To us, it looked like a beheaded goat with bloody horn stumps...my 1-year-old couldn't figure out why mommy was cackling like a loon while standing in the bakery

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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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