Help add humour to my speech (joke about cycle commuting content)

First off, I'm no stand up comedian and am terrified of the prospect of doing this speech, so do not expect much! I'm best man next week for a friend......he's a weird roadie type so won't see this, he commutes by bike and got struck pretty badly by a car last year, so:

Andy and XXX have recently moved into their first home together. Now as we all know, moving into your first house and furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture.

So they decided that a few short-term cut backs were needed, for instance, they only needed one car…I remember both of them saying ”WE, only need one car"

PAUSE

Andy now cycles 20 miles to work and back each day. Oh XXX, by the way, how’s your brand new Golf working out?

However, on a serious note, we all know that bicycle commuting can be very dangerous…we’ve all seen it during rush hour, people not indicating where they’re going, not paying attention to their surroundings, not adhering to road signs, an accident waiting to happen…It can also be dangerous for the cyclist as Andy found out.

STOREY ABOUT CRASH

FOLLOWED BY GIVING HIM A PERSONALISED HI-VIS VEST ANd STABILISERS AS PRESENT

just make sure the vast majority of your humour is accessible to the whole audience. went to a wedding the other week and all the jokes were in-jokes about the groom's place of work. alienated 19 of the 20 tables at the wedding who before long started to add some humour themselves, at the expense of the best man...

Whats above is just one part of the speech....also a couple of parts about him being a teacher and his ultra-competitive nature - I'm pretty sure it accessible to everyone - I really wanted to mention his crash was Strava related but cut that as I'm sure I'd get a lot of blank faces.

Whats above is just one part of the speech....also a couple of parts about him being a teacher and his ultra-competitive nature - I'm pretty sure it accessible to everyone - I really wanted to mention his crash was Strava related but cut that as I'm sure I'd get a lot of blank faces.

Andy and XXX have recently moved into their first home together. Now as we all know, moving into your first house and furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture.

Would reference to his huge pron stash here be inappropriate?

Andy now cycles 20 miles to work and back each day.

And as a result will likely be too tired to consumate his marriage tonight?

Don't do as a freind of mine witnessed at a wedding then. And that was for the best man to proclaim he and the groom had been though a lot together over the past years. Namely the majority of the girls on the table at the back.

jekkyl - Member
or you could give a brief explanation of what strava is.

Don't do this. Jokes that have to be explained aren't funny.

ell_tell - Member
Andy and XXX have recently moved into their first home together. Now as we all know, moving into your first house and furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture.

Would reference to his huge pron stash here be inappropriate?

yoshimi - Member
[iWould reference to his huge pron stash here be inappropriate?[/i]

I think maybe as theres going to be loads of bloody kids there

I'd just say:

" ...furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture. PAUSE ...at least, not the type of DVDs Andy had..."

..furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture. PAUSE ...at least, not the type of DVDs Andy had... And yes, it turns out 5 girls, 2 cups, 3 horses and a melon is a real thing... that I never wanted to see...

I think the joke's OK, but I'd phrase it slightly differently, leave it hanging a bit rather than spelling it out:

'So after discussion, x and y decided that one area they could cut back in was by sharing a car. And may I be the first to say how slim and fit x is looking now he travels everywhere by bike'. Maybe with a thumb on forehead visual behind the groom's back if you know she isn't going to take offence....