What Metal is not

I never really got how Metal was meant to be "party music" in the slightest. Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, and even Venom - these are not "upbeat" bands, despite having some fast/"danceable" tracks between them. I think party culture adopted Metal because it was loud, rather than Metal adopting party culture because it was... Stupid.

Party people are those who state they probably won't like metal after they're 30. Then, you catch up with them after they hit 35 and the first topic that pops up is the kegger they're going to for the weekend.

Now, the real question here is, would you fuck the female singer? She's got a nice rack, but the face is uncomfortably close to a pig's. That said, I am a big fan of bacon -- perhaps the act would be more palatable if I sandwiched her in between two slices of toast.

In keeping with the theme, I'd like to see a list of "unmetal" metal bands highlighting the many frauds who have managed to dupe the masses by masquerading as metal bands. People like AC/DC immediately come to mind (lcd party rock for guys in baseball caps), as do the atrocious poseur collectives known as Kiss and Van Halen, but a definitive list would be quite sweet. Of particular interest to me, would be musical analysis/break down of the metal frauds. I know the vast majority are just boogie woogie blues bands who like to drink beer and wear leather but it's still worth exploring.

For the record, I happen to think Ozzy Osbourne probably belongs on a list of frauds regardless of the genre heading.

In keeping with the theme, I'd like to see a list of "unmetal" metal bands highlighting the many frauds who have managed to dupe the masses by masquerading as metal bands. People like AC/DC immediately come to mind (lcd party rock for guys in baseball caps), as do the atrocious poseur collectives known as Kiss and Van Halen, but a definitive list would be quite sweet. Of particular interest to me, would be musical analysis/break down of the metal frauds. I know the vast majority are just boogie woogie blues bands who like to drink beer and wear leather but it's still worth exploring.

For the record, I happen to think Ozzy Osbourne probably belongs on a list of frauds regardless of the genre heading.

What about listing bands that are still relevant and actually formed after there was a definitive metal ideology. Of course ACDC and KISS aren't metal because they came before it. They are not frauds. I don't know why people here always ask for lists of bands. I'm pretty sure some members here want lists of bands because they can't think for themselves and need the DLA to tell them what to like(or pretend to). This site has established itself as an elite group of metal heads, and a few hipsters have stumbled upon the site and seen a similar culture as what they're used to. Now they can make fun of their friends for listening to bands that they secretly like. I know this site has some influence because the few metalheads I know either secretly like Lamb of God and Opeth or make fun of the others for liking those bands. Better advice would be to point out the most popular bands like Trivium and Dragonforce and state that any bands remotely similar to them are not metal. If people can't tell the the difference between Incantation and Trivium, then you know who's a poser.

What about listing bands that are still relevant and actually formed after there was a definitive metal ideology. Of course ACDC and KISS aren't metal because they came before it. They are not frauds.

the bulk of AC/DC's work and much of Kiss's output as well occurred after Sabbath and Priest (among others) were active and defining metal. the same goes for Van Halen and other joke rock bands like Motley Crue, Def Leppard, Aerosmith, Quiet Riot, etc. who are all roundly considered "metal" by people not on this board, which after all, is the majority of the world. hipster gibberish like Trivium are the descendants of all the mistakenly classified bands from yesteryear. this is down to the meatheads who couldn't distinguish Sabbath from Zeppelin and decided any amped up music was metal. the metal pantheon needs a major re-working.

I'm pretty sure some members here want lists of bands because they can't think for themselves and need the DLA to tell them what to like(or pretend to).

Let's get rid of a stupid illusion here:

Everyone can think for themselves.

However, if you want to change the world (not just in your own head) you need a CONSENSUS.

That means people agree to ignore certain grey areas, confusions, personal prejudices and the like to focus on the BIG PICTURE: what is more similar than different?

If people want a definitive list, it's because they want it to organize politically (in essence) around it.

It's an idiotic meme and you should be ashamed of yourself for repeating it that people can't think for themselves. They all do -- and that's often the problem, since so few are qualified in any given area.

Everyone can think for themselves...It's an idiotic meme and you should be ashamed of yourself for repeating it that people can't think for themselves. They all do -- and that's often the problem, since so few are qualified in any given area.

Everyone can obviously think for themselves. The expression usually means that someone is too unsure of themselves to defend any of their beliefs. They're usually called hipsters.

Quote

However, if you want to change the world (not just in your own head) you need a CONSENSUS.

That means people agree to ignore certain grey areas, confusions, personal prejudices and the like to focus on the BIG PICTURE: what is more similar than different?

If people want a definitive list, it's because they want it to organize politically (in essence) around it.

I don't understand what you're saying. We need to ignore grey areas, but to do that we need to make a list of grey area bands and organize around it?