It’s a beautiful day for a wrestling match; a beautiful day for a wrestler. Booker T tries once again to keep a lid on everybody’s tempers, and is pretty good at it … to a point. With John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, and Big Show all hanging around in the WWE’s Neighbourhood of Make-Believe, though, you can’t expect everything to be all cardigans and smiling faces.

The show hits the ground running as Cena sprints into the ring and cuts what could only be termed a giddy promo; it’s almost as if he’s missed being on Fridays. However, Smackdown’s local Ebenezer Scrooge makes an appearance in the form of Alberto Del Rio, accompanied by Ricardo Rodriguez. Del Rio, seemingly in a perpetual bad mood these days, insists that Cena vacate his show.

Cena responds with the news that they have a match, and decks him as a punctuation.

Match #1 – John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez)

Cena’s enthusiasm continues in the match until he tries to shoulder-block Del Rio and finds the ringpost instead. Del Rio hits back hard with several suplexes, and we’re treated to a most gratuitous split-screen replay as we see Cena punching Del Rio before the match. It’s sort of like when Dark Helmet and Colonel Sanders were watching themselves watch themselves in Spaceballs.

Cena gets an STF on Del Rio and the aristocrat looks positively scrappy as he pulls at Cena’s fingers to try and break the hold before eventually reaching the ropes. Cena, by the way, is looking a little slimmer and not so inflexible. The end comes surprisingly from a top-rope leg-drop as Cena takes it in unconventional, no-finisher fashion.

Winner via pinfall: John Cena

As Cena poses on the ramp, Ziggler attacks him from behind; the crowd is very pro-Cena and anti-Ziggler.

Daniel Bryan and Kane are backstage with Kofi Kingston preparing for a six-man tag team match and, look out world, the tag team champions seem to be on the same page and are full of mutual respect. Elsewhere, Booker T makes his weekly plea for civil order on Smackdown, this time with Cena. They agree to let Ziggler and Sheamus have their match in relative peace.

Match #2 – The Great Khali (w/ Hornswoggle) vs. David Otunga

Chop. Chop. Chop. Down goes Otunga. Seriously.

Winner via pinfall: The Great Khali

Khali and Hornswoggle dance for what feels like four times the length of the match.

Bryan and Kane even make their entrance together, so seemingly solid is their partnership. As the heroes enter the ring, Young holds his pick out towards them menacingly. Maybe because of that he takes an early beating from all three of his opponents, but mostly from Kane. Bryan gets double-teamed in return by the Players before Barrett enters and we have a mini-Nexus reunion. Soon enough, tempers flare and everyone is in the ring, but when the dust settles it’s Darren Young in the No Lock and that’s that.

Winners via submission: Team Hell No & Kofi Kingston

Mo Striker (as in Movember, but presumably his excellent 'stache will be gone next Friday) talks to Sheamus and learns that everyone the Irishman fights nowadays he hits as if they’re Big Show. That’s a therapeutic problem.

Out in the ring, Damien Sandow is looking for an apprentice from the crowd. He pulls someone in and asks them two easy questions, then a stumper. He dismisses the dullard and refuses to educate him.

Match #4 – Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd

Kidd has two obvious strategies in this match: firstly, utilize dropkicks; secondly, use a lot of body oil. Some of it even gets Sandow greasy and that must have made him mad, because he disposes of Kidd as quickly as his would-be apprentice.

Winner via pinfall: Damien Sandow

Mo Striker is on to interviewing Ziggler, and Mr. MITB calls John Cena the biggest liar in WWE history; why, that’s the greatest exaggeration in WWE history!

Ah, nothing like a good ol’ stereotype as a double-teamed headbutt from the Usos on Slater prove the rule that wrestlers of non-Caucasian heritage have harder heads. Mahal finishes Jey.

Winners via pinfall: Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal

Match #6 – Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus

Things spill to the outside early as Sheamus throws Ziggler into the security barrier with an overhead throw. As they get back to the apron, Ziggler wiggles away from Sheamus’ patented forearms, countering with some really aggressive forearms of his own. He dodges a Brogue Kick and retaliates with a DDT for a two-count, but misses a leg lariat and is trapped in a Cloverleaf (call it The Shamrock, already).

Things look bleak for Ziggler, but Big Show decides to insert himself in the proceedings and attacks Sheamus, ending the match.

Winner via disqualification: Sheamus

Cena didn’t show up on Friday for nothing, as he rushes the ring and teams up with Sheamus to rid the ring of the disreputable persons.

Dave Hillhouse is a screenwriter and teacher, and thinks Cena’s recent appearances may go back to hurt feelings when he was drafted by Smackdown and then Raw on the same night.