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Tuesday, January 24, 2017

more homemade MRE's 1 of 2

MORE HOMEMADE MRE’S

I believe I’ve covered
homemade MRE’s at least two if not three times before, but I’m also sure it was
several years ago since the last time.This constitutes an almost impossible to ignore requirement that I beat
on this dead horse just a little bit more.Of course, I don’t just write the same darn article with different
words.New prices, new techniques, new
ingredients.Hey, never a dull moment
here at the Bison Headquarters.I don’t
want to be like American Survival Guide including both a severe weather
survival article AND an overpriced super ninja semi-auto plastic carbine in every
issue ( this was the old school magazine, barely making it past Y2K before
going under.The periodical has revived
itself, but at $8 or $10 an issue at the newsstand, I for one refuse to see if
it is worth my time or money.I
understand paper isn’t cheap anymore-witness how much a simple daily newspaper
is going for [ although, hint, bribe your congress critters to legalize
hemp-undoing what your syphilitic anal pirate Hearst &Co. did in the first
place-and you might find raw material closer and cheaper than bark beetle
damaged pine or Canadian boreal virgin wood ]- but when most of your cover
price is going to the distributor who has huge waste to factor in with cost, I
don’t think I should subsidize those kinds of practices ).

*

No, if you tune in to the
flagship of my vast publishing empire, you get New And Exciting every single
weekday ( well, okay, as new and exciting as I can possibly make it ).Prior to this I’ve regaled you with wild
adventures down your supermarket isle in search for cheap calories and protein
in the vain search for that elusive replacement for everyone’s number one
military taste treat, the Meal Rejected by Ethiopians.Now, I have no problem with MRE’s.I ate C-rations in Basic, leftovers from one
or two decades previous.Just as our
training rifles were M-16A1’s, relicts from a bygone conflict, so were our
rations.The Army was of course in a
huge hurry to put us in the newest and by no means improved field uniforms, but
everything else was old, from the Jeep’s ( not your Yuppie Scum Grandparents
civilian Jeep, now partially owned by the I-Talians, but the original Willies )
to the sidearms.

*

Those MRE’s that came out
just when everything else was being replaced ( not necessarily from need but
from the huge Reagan military budget increases )?They tasted just like the C-Rats.Both of which were just marginally better
tasting than if you opened up a can of beef hash and ate it cold.MRE’s aren’t really bad for what they were
meant for.A days worth of calories (
okay, you might need two or three if you were really burning energy digging
foxholes and directing drones to wedding parties-but one would do in a pinch )
which was compact as it was mostly fat and animal protein.The taste isn’t even really an issue.Out in the cold, camping with an attitude as
it were, they were fine.The problem
came from eating them, and little to nothing else.They bind you up pretty darn good.In fact, if you are worried you’ll soil
yourself in the stress of combat, I would wager that eating MRE’s should put
your mind at rest.My first prolonged
ingestion of MRE’s led to a weeks constipation.And of course, this being how the Fates plan such things, when I finally
was able to relieve myself, WAYYY out in the boonies off road/off grid, wouldn’t
you know it but the only vehicle seen that night/week shows up as I’m hovering
over my cat hole, causing me to finish prematurely and leading to further days
of agony and discomfort ( the vehicle was far away, but you try gauging
distance peering over brush and being preoccupied answering the call of nature
).

*

All this of course was
thirty plus odd years ago.I have no
idea how the military rations have changed.If there is more variety and an improved taste, I would be surprised.The military has been a bellwether on many
issues.They were one of the first to
integrate the races ( in my view, not very successfully-it is about different
cultures, not different colors ) and one of the first institutions to go
Politically Correct.They were ahead of
many in instituting the Office Politics you see from your cubicle.They are also leading the country in changing
all things for the worse rather than for the better.I think it is safe to imagine that even
without having Hands On any of their new gear/equipment, I can safely say
nothing has improved except by accident ( certainly not be design ).But, again, taste isn’t really a huge
issue.If you can choke it down, mission
accomplished.No, my problem is mostly
about the cost.

*

$7 for one MRE?Are you joking?Does it even have 1500 calories?I understand a lot of Me Too Mini-Me quick
buck artist companies sold ( or are still selling ) MRE copies that only had a
pathetic 800 calories or so.Just to
cover metabolic functions and have enough energy to NOT cannibalize your body,
you need 1500 minimum.And I’m sure that
those calorie deficient units sold for pretty much the same cost as better
designed ones.I think at Y2K you were
paying $4-$5 an MRE, if memory serves.But today they are $7. Not as bad
as some food inflation ( wheat kernels more than doubled ), but still too steep
to indulge in bulk buying.I don’t even
know if I could stomach the cost for a single case of a dozen.That is some expensive food ( freeze dried is
even worse ).They are great for bugging
out and when under light/smoke discipline, granted.But you should be able to feed yourself much
better, much cheaper.

*

I’ll be the first to admit
my previous ideas sort of sucked.Too
much refined carbs, little fat and no animal protein.Mostly it was peanut butter and Top Ramen
packages.The price was right, but the
food was inferior.I think we can do better
this time.More tomorrow.

END

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