Category: Sofia Vergara

The dumb battle between Sofia Vergara and her chunky skid mark of an ex, Nick Loeb, is still going on. Nick is suing Sofia for the right to implant their frozen embryos (that were made when they were together) into a leased baby oven. Sofia wants the embryos to stay frozen. Nick’s lawsuit was originally filed in California, but last year he re-filed it in Louisiana and probably because it’s an “embryo safe haven” and he has a better chance at winning there. The Daily Beast says that the Onion Crunch mogul filed more papers in court. These latest papers are supposed to show what the problems in their relationship were. They also show what an ass he is.

We all know that when it comes to dressing for the Oscars, everyone takes it very seriously. They put on a tux or fancy gown that definitely didn’t come with a check attached to the garment bag. Most of the time the result is a one-way ticket to Zzzzzz town (see: a good 75% of the looks from last night). But then everyone gets to let loose at Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty and put on what they really want to wear (see: The Gold Standard). Like many people at the Vanity Fair party, Diane Kruger wasn’t at the Oscars and she showed up wearing that.

The battle between Sofia Vergara and her ex Nick Loeb over their frozen embryos has been going on so long that their embryos are probably covered in two-inches of freezer burn at this point. I honestly have no idea how freezing embryos works, and that’s “probably” not what happens. All I really know is that it sounds like Sofia might have found a way to finally end their fight.

Because why decide on just one when you can help yourself to both? Kate Hudson wanted it all: underboob, underwear, sequined black censor bars, a giant flower putting another flower in a choke-hold, fancy little capes for her shoulders. Kate pulled up to fashion’s drive-thru speaker and ordered everything on the menu.

Razzie nominee Kate Hudson was at the SAG Awards last night as a presenter, which might be why she went red carpet casual by wearing a Dior dress with boxers underneath. If she tries to conceal her underwear by pulling her dress up higher, she’s gonna flash a whole lot of nipple. If she tries to cover up her underboob by pulling her top down a little, she’s going to show tons of underwear. Ha, listen to me – acting like Goldie’s thirsty daughter would ever be concerned with covering up an underboob situation.

If the Oscars and the Emmys are your fancy old uncle who drinks expensive scotch and loves British shows on PBS, then the People’s Choice Awards are your aunt who drinks canned Bay Breezes and asks if you wanna get high in her LeBaron. The People’s Choice Awards are for the people, damn it, and they don’t need prestige or class or gowns that requires every inch of your intestines to be crammed into Spanx.

Blake Lively clearly knows this and after going full-fashion at the Golden Globes two weeks ago, she wore one of Britney Spears’ rejects to the People’s Choice Awards. It’s like she couldn’t find her glasses and just assumed the dress code on the PCA invitation said: “Come dressed as a dancer from a Bob Mackie-inspired cruise ship show who is trying to get fired.” She looks like the messiest pledge at a sorority for ravens.

Some people still don’t understand that you don’t have to try so hard at the People’s Choice Awards. Jennifer Lopez, I’m looking at you.

The fucked-up fight between Nick Loeb and his ex Sofia Vergara over their two frozen embryos may go on the road and move from California to Louisiana. Great, you know some coked-up Hollywood executive is going to read this story and get ideas about a zany CGI road trip comedy about two frozen embryos driving across the country to escape death. Strangely enough, Sofia will probably be offered the role of one of the frozen embryos.