Two guys from the company I am auditing, Guidant Corporation, offered to take me on a mountain bike ride today–so I accepted (first mistake). I expected us to go out late afternoon as the Sun was going down, instead they advised me that they are ready to go at 11:00AM. Great!?

This was already looking bad as I saw birds outside sweating, but not wanting to be the party pooper, I said “let’s go.” By the time we arrived to the foothills near Lake Elsinore it was high noon and the temperature there was much cooler than Temecula–90F instead of 105F–woohoo.

By this time my excitement for the ride was overwhelming–not! I had a borrowed bike from this guy that’s like 6ft tall with a huge frame, had a borrowed helmet, no sun block, borrowed sunglasses, and a 16oz. bottle of Gatorade. These two guys both had 90oz. Camelbaks, full racing gear, and a certain look of determination that I certainly was lacking–I was hoping or some wind.

So after talking myself up and adjusting the seat post for my short stature I signal the thumbs up–oh and the thumbs went way up to the elbows if you know what I’m saying. They took off like they were on a Tour de France stage. At one point I was so disoriented I swear I saw some spectators passing them water off one of the trails. Tripping!!!

All I could think was, “Why are they trying to kill me? Are they working with Duke Zorn (see previous post)? This attempt at my life will affect their audit…”

It was all so hazy. But right as I was going to pass out, I didn’t. It must have been the spectators giving me Gatorade–oh that was me, nevermind. I could barely breathe–but I kept up. Once my body adjusted to the heat it wasn’t too bad and much to the dismay of the vultures flying overhead, I didn’t die.

I am happy to say that I am still alive, however barely, and will continue to blog about all of the stupid stuff I get myself into–now and forever.