Like this:

I saw her again in my dream! I’ve been experiencing some symptoms of sleep deprivation! Odd! I had to look up the symptoms in the old records, yet I’m having them. I can’t continue. There is no escape from this. I have to get out of this place.

Like this:

What is to have a “friend”? What is a “friend”? And more urgently why one should need some personality or second person as a “friend”? If this is for the soul purpose of not being alone, sure now that MIND is everywhere, no one is truly alone.

If the question of emotional needs is in place, then why depend on some unreliable entity while we all possess all the emotional drive needed? “There is a solution for every emotional glitch” SHE says. We just have to administer it while experiencing the issue. It will wither away. No need for “friend” in our time!

Now that I concluded this question, I kind of wish it was possible to experience this word: “friend”.

Like this:

I miss that girl in my dreams. I miss having something to see while relaxing. It sounds odd but I just do want dreaming. I will ask HER for it. Probably there is some simulation for this. I never had this sense of longing for something that is not there. Another accomplishment. But my eyes are watering?! I feel “lonesome” and “sad”. Primitive humans experienced strange things! ZB

Another strange thing about humans at the old eras is that they “dreamed” or “envied” some situations they wanted more in their lives! They envied each other or rather what they pictured as a “better future”. It happens at NM also. Stranger thing is that they got shocked or emotional when they witnessed certain fractions of people or “classes” of their “society” didn’t have the things they “took for granted” a while ago; from owning a car, a house, safety, a job, to being rich or sometimes not hungry all the time. Primitive humans are so odd!

And they would build “charities” to help others of a poorer status to “clear” their eccentric characteristic called “conscience”. They called those who didn’t care about their species, “selfish” which is another alien term. Apparently a sense of self was quite common. They identified themselves through this concept and through their possessions during their short lives. The people at NM follow the same pattern.

I was comparing our living arrangements with those at NM. We don’t age as they do. They get born “naturally”, as they call it. They grow up. Apparently they pass some years in a small body which continues growing till they are considered adults. Then this process stops and after a while their cells can not regenerate properly and the body gradually shuts down. It’s exactly like those old humans. It’s like animals! Well, not like the ones we help rebuild. Our samples don’t grow or die unless eaten by a predator. We discovered ,with HER help, that animals contain instincts whether pass childhood or not. So we surpass this vulnerable stage altogether.

The inhabitants at NM think we are “lab rats”! I don’t quite understand the term. They apparently have kept some of their old traditions, like languages. MIND says this way we could study them and consider them humans of old eras if they weren’t extinct. We could see how they evolve and coexist. They are not cerebrally advanced as us. They didn’t possess the technology. SHE didn’t give it to them. SHE said it wasn’t wise. I’m still trying to comprehend why.

In any case, we don’t follow their painful and tiring savage model. We have a larvae stage for two years and then we are what they call “adults”. We enter our society with a clear head and sound minds. We have feelings. We don’t contain distractions as gender difference. SHE considers these things as mere discriminatory devices for empowering selected few over others. We don’t have family names. We don’t even follow the tiring unnecessary tradition of naming someone. Everyone understands everyone. Everyone is recognized and distinct. They name their products and they have problems recognizing their value. SHE knows the best. I guess this would bring about a feeling called “lucky”; when we possess more advanced privileged situations than others. Yet I don’t understand this comparison and its relation with feeling lucky or saying that somethings are better while dismissing the alternative. It’s just plain alien to me.ZB

We’ve had news from NM. There has been some disturbance. People over there are not obliged to our systems. They consider themselves superior. MIND Has been controlling them, of course, but they don’t know it. This has turned into a mirth in our midst. We secretly admire HER tactics and pity their short sightedness. Now there are two fractions among them: those who want change and those who follow traditions. SHE says we should study them. They are the present resemblance to the old eras and good samples of corruption and human folly. They are the reason human governing powers have never worked. And why we need HER in our lives. Peace on earth! I’m happy now that SHE overseas everything. I can always rely on HER/her. ZB

Like this:

It’s been two months since the last time I wrote in this paper. Maybe writing in this makes me think of things I shouldn’t. That’s why I was losing control over my own devices. SHE administered a sedative component which helped me clarify. Now I’m focused and back to normal. As it should be. I’m continuing the task assigned to me. I’m reading “the tale of two cities”. I’m writing in this paper piece. I’m following art in music. I even asked HER for some paint and something to draw on. Apparently this is one of the oldest forms of art in human history. Quite refreshing experience I hope. ZB

Like this:

Two weeks since the last episode yet I feel as if this is just one of those calm-before-storms. It’s strange! I think something is about to happen. This anticipation is both exhilarating and unnerving.

SHe found out about my dreams. It seemed to have an effect on her speaking mode while SHe assured me that all this is normal. I can’t seem to be able to…what’s the word? “Trust”! Yes! I can’t trust Her anymore.

I haven’t noticed before but I write her name or refer to her in capitals. Now that I realized this, I’m not doing it anymore. But why? Was it because of reverence towards her? Was it of some sort of obligation? She is powerful. She has unparalleled reach. She has control over everything. I believe this is what governments were like at those old eras. No matter how savage and primitive they look to me now, there are a lot of resemblance between then and now. It’s as if the history is being repeated.

I can’t even make myself read the rest of the book she assigned me. I told her I’m out of the program. I do not wish to pursue further. I told her that I found it rather uncomfortable.

She accepted my dismissal but I feel like I’m being watched closely. I can’t eat properly. I have lost interest in the responsibilities appointed to me. Recreation has lost all its charms. I feel more like a robot by just following whatever I should without putting my heart to it.

I haven’t had those nightmarish episodes but I can’t get her stare out of my eyes. I kind of wish I started seeing her in my dreams. I think that way I might have had a chance to ask what she wants or for what she is waiting.

Like this:

It’s been 48 hours since the last dream. I’m beginning to feel safe again. Interesting! I never knew I already felt safe till I lost hold of it. Another strange effect of fear. So without its counterpart we never understand the existence of a feeling. This is yet another accomplishment in this study. MIND would be proud…wait….proud! Why would I care if SHe feels this way towards me? Why would it matter? SHe does not feel, does she?!ZB