Saturday, December 30, 2006

Yeah, that's my anthem for today. It started out as a nice day, but I really stepped into in with my mouth. I don't know if I have spoken of what's going on my mom's family. It's major drama because my grandparents can't take care of themselves and the 5 siblings can't agree on what to do. Two of the siblings are adamant about not doing assisted living. One of these siblings is PAID to take care of them in the day and the rest of the 5 take turns on the weekends. Well, now they need 24 hour care. That means spending the night over there. My parents are 65 and 62. My father has been sick with high blood pressure, heart and eye problems (he now only has one eye that works). My mom has seriously high blood pressure. Both of my parents physically cannot do what is needed to take care of a 92 and a 90 year old. I have been helping my parents out a lot. So, when it's my parents turn, I take them (my mom is not a fan of driving either). My parents pay for someone to spend the night on their weekends. So, I host Christmas. It's my first one without my grandparents because another aunt huffily took my grandparents to their house. My aunt who lives in Houston came in and I invited her to join my family. I go to Mass on Saturday and Father talks about not letting people be lonely on Christmas. So, I invite the rest of my family. My aunt, the single one, who is also the paid caretaker comes and goes on and on about whoa is her because she does everything and yadda yadda yadda. Did I mention that she takes holidays off and her birthday and she's so tired that she can't cook when she gets home at 3p.m.? Did I also mention that she refuses to take a weekend (mind you my grandparents don't pay the rest of the siblings on the weekends) because she needs a break? Good grief! Anyways, she gets into it with my mom because she's wallowing in herself. Mind you she also spent over an hour on the phone with who knows talking about how poor poor her is all alone. Not cool! My aunt from Houston is able to make peace. So, today, my uncle is taking care of my grandparents and both are sick. My grandfather especially has the stomach bug that comes out both ends. He takes him to the ER and my aunt who is the paid caretaker comes over to stay with grandmother. I was supposed to go to Mass with my parents at 5:30, but I accidentally oversleep. I get a phone call and I answer it thinking it's about my grandfather. It's my paid aunt who wants to know when my parents get out of Mass so they can spell her because she's been there all day and she needs a break! My uncle is with my grandfather at the hospital. They are going to admit him because of the fluid situation. I tell her I really don't know. Maybe an hour, an hour and a half. I don't know if they have plans after church. She wants me to call them. I refuse. I won't call them at CHURCH! Then she starts taking about how she had plans and my uncle has plans and they have to do EVERYTHING! Well, I lost it then. My parents were supposed to be leaving on a trip the last time my grandfather went into the hospital. They cancelled and we went to the hospital and we took him home. It was HER choice to keep them at her house when he got out. I told her I didn't appreciate the fact that she was making my mother feel guilty like she was a horrible daughter and didn't do anything. She denied what I said and I said that is what it is. I told her that my mother doesn't want to help, but that she is physically incapable of what they want her to do! I told her that the siblings need to figure out some other way because this wasn't working. She said that they agreed to help out but only she and my uncle were doing their part. BOY that got me hot under the collar. She kept saying how she did this out of love and checked on them for over 20 years but the rest of the siblings expect her to do it because she's the single one. Okay, I'm the single girl too. I check on my parents too out of love. But you know what? If I can't handle it anymore, I am going to do something about it. I think she's looking out for HER best interests more than my grandparents. It makes my blood boil. I know I shocked her because I have never ever said anything like that to her. I was not ugly but I told her how I felt. I said I was upset because it was hurting my mother. I just wish someone would say, "This isn't working. We are physically unable to care for our parents but they need help. They need assisted living." I don't see that happening. Sadly, I think I have seen the destruction of that part of my extended family. I'm sad, but I'm thankful that my immediate family is close and supportive. It's like the song said, "Breaking up is hard to do."