Her sweet smile and big brown eyes help her move product, to be sure, but then the merchandise sells itself.

Thin Mints. Samoas. Trefoils. Tagalongs.

The 8-year-old Girl Scout Brownie knows why her neighbors ply her with orders each January. Much like Hair Club for Men founder Sy Sperling, she’s not just the president of her sales efforts, she’s also a client.

“They’re yummy,” Colby said.

Colby uses another word to describe the newest Girl Scout cookie. She’s never tried a Mango Crème, but told the cookie has zero trans fats, no preservatives and lists something called Nutrifusion as a primary ingredient, she wrinkles her nose and sticks out her tongue.

“Yuck.”

Pray not for deliverance from Nutrifusion, Savannahians. The Franken-cookies weren’t available in local presales. And they won’t be on the folding tables at the Girl Scout outlets set to debut Friday in front of a supermarket or home improvement warehouse near you.

The cookie contract for the Girl Scouts of Historic Georgia is not with the mad scientists of the mango crèmes but with another supplier. That longstanding deal is perhaps the most important local agreement this side of the harbor deepening’s Record of Decision and Sherman’s Special Field Orders No. 15 (40 acres and a mule).

In the interest of protecting our taste buds, council leaders should renew the contract now. Forever.

Cookie basics

Every Girl Scout cookie comes from one of two bakeries: Little Brownie Bakers or America’s Best Cookies, better known as ABC. Distinguishing between the two usually is a job for a linguist, not a gourmand, as they make the same cookies but call them by different names.

Both bakeries call their minty wafers Thin Mints, and each has its special-edition varieties, like Little Brownie’s Savannah Smiles and ABC’s Lemonades. To completely confuse the public, the bakeries even make cookies with similar names but different tastes, such as Thank U Berry Much (fudge chip-and-cranberry cookies) and Thanks-A-Lots (shortbread dipped in fudge).

Names aside, Little Brownie and ABC have always taken the lead from their sash-clad sales force. They make their cookies with sugar and spice and everything nice (or at least everything tasty).

ABC’s test-tube cookie breaks the baking sheet.

The crème filling is a concoction of rehydrated fruits — mango not among them — and a fungus, [filtered word]ake mushrooms. The shrooms provide Vitamin D. Good thing, as you wouldn’t want to ruin your healthy Girl Scout cookie by dunking it in that most popular, yet fattening of Vitamin D sources, milk.

Talk about your cookie monsters.

Is nothing sacred?

Time for a bakery crackdown.

Girl Scout cookies warrant protection. How long before all these sweeteners poisoning our sodas creep into cookie recipes? How long before Trefoils start tasting like rice cakes? How long before one of the bakeries introduces a contest where fans can vote Thin Mints off the island and replace them with something new, a la the iron’s exile as a Monopoly token?

The Girl Scouts of America argue there’s nothing wrong with a nutritious cookie. Give your body a little boost rather than a little fat. Or a little boost and a little fat, as mango crèmes boast the most calories per serving of any Girl Scout cookie.

We can’t let the flavoring down of the cookies happen, not here in the Girl Scouts’ birthplace. The first official Girl Scout cookie was a sugar cookie, for Daisy’s sakes. The local favorite is the Samoa, made with coconut, sweetened condensed milk and caramelized sugar.

Girl Scout cookies are meant to be a once-a-year guilty pleasure. They don't need to be nutritious.

So consider this column a petition meant to egg you on. Let’s not sugarcoat it. Neutralize the Nutrifusion, Girl Scouts, and take command of the recipes.

Take to heart what one of their salesmen, Colby, shared about the Franken-cookie. Asked how she’d feel if forced to sell Nutrifused products, she rolled her eyes, crossed her arms and gave a short but telling answer.

“Embarrassed.”

Adam Van Brimmer’s column appears each Monday. He blogs several days a week at www.savannahnow.com and also is a social media regular @avanbrimmer on Twitter and Daddy Warbucks on Facebook.

Gotta try a Mango Crème?

For those who need a Nutrifusion fix, Girl Scout troops in Bluffton, Hilton Head Island and Beaufort will be selling mango crèmes at their booths starting Feb. 22. Troops in Jasper and Hampton counties are part of the Girl Scouts of Historic Georgia council – not the Eastern South Carolina council – and will not be selling the Franken-cookie.