That is so true Joanne. I work with many people (Developmental disability, mental illness and elderly) that are left behind during the holiday season (and throughout the year) it is heartbreaking that families do not understand how hurtful this is.

Everyone is being very nice to you so that you’ll come back. Me, I’m the guy that will tell you that spellcheck is not your friend. It’s not able to tell that you probably meant window ‘pane’ as opposed to ‘pain’. You don’t need the two words ‘with excitement’ in your third sentence. Let the reader figure it out. They will. Even the sentence, ‘oh how she hoped it was him’ is unnecessary. 86 it and you have seven more words to use to tug at our heart strings toward the end. You’re spoon feeding us. The old ‘show, don’t tell’ saw is one you ought to investigate.

Those are some of the items that caught my attention on the first reading, Tree. The good news, and there is plenty, is that the seeds of good writing are scattered throughout your story, but you’re going to have to water them and tend them as time goes on. One thing you can do to avail yourself of the plethora of good advice and constructive criticism from the many good authors that participate in Friday Fictioneers is to say at the outset that you welcome same. Or not. I’m gambling here in the hopes that you’re okay with it.

And another thing..an old tradition on my part…I always say, “Welcome to the party, pal” to newcomers. I hope you’ll stick around. I’d love to read more of your work. Let me know if I’ve trodden too heavily on your toes on your first foray here. I’ll back off. Lord knows it’s easier to say, ‘Great job. Nice story.’ But it ain’t always so, just so you know.

Doug,
I welcome constructive criticism. I appreciate you and others taking the time to read my words and share thoughts and opinions. Its really the only way i know to improve.
Thank you for the welcome and the advice. I look forward to reading your work and meeting other writers.