Kanye West to Perform at Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

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Well, where else could he go with that much hot air? Kanye West has been tapped to perform at 84th Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 25, parade organizers announced yesterday. He’ll join a slew of other performers, including Jessica Simpson, Gladys Knight, Jimmy Fallon & the Roots, and the Broadway cast of American Idiot, in the festive, frigid Midtown trek.

The Macy’s parade is one of the most popular television events of the year; over 50 millions viewers watch it annually on NBC, with some 3.5 million spectators also lining the New York streets to catch it live. This year’s parade will introduce several new balloons, including the Kool-Aid Man and Takashi Murakami characters.

No word yet on what Kanye will perform; as someone who already travels with a sizeable entourage, he should have little problem outshining the towering Snoopy and Garfield balloons. Fingers crossed for something entirely subversive and strange – this is his chance for the ultimate collaboration, after all. We will accept any of the following acts of showmanship from Mr. West:

-singing “Drunk and Hot Girls” to the Dora the Explorer balloon
-rapping the refrain of “The Good Life” (T-Pain optional) while distributing Hennessey-soaked candy canes
-punching through “Diamonds are Forever” precisely before the broadcast cuts to a Zales commercial
-rhyming “Spaceship” before setting the Gap float, and its khakis, on fire
-subbing “Brian Wilson” for every pronoun in “Barry Bonds”
-bullying Daft Punk to pop out of a cake for “Stronger” (hey, Phoenix figured it out)
-just yelling any of the dirtier epithets from "Runaway" liberally and without cessation

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Well, we’ll just have to wait and see what transpires. Per tradition, we know that Santa Claus will close the parade – that is, of course, unless Kanye doesn’t let him finish.