Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are traveling to India for the holidays and will get married by a guru on an ashram.

ALLEGEDLY. So ridiculous it could be true? Additional picture below because I couldn't choose and I love them. [This Is London]

Jake Gyllenhaal bought Taylor Swift a $10,000 guitar for her 21st birthday. Apparently she spotted it at a store while they were in Nashville together, and he sneaked back and made the purchase without her knowing. It's a Fender Gretsch signed by Chet Atkins. She is probably using it to write a song about him as we speak. [The Sun]

Aretha Franklin is out of the hospital and at home. "My family and friends who brought me home are taking great care of me. I also have a private nurse who visits on a daily basis." Be well! [Pop Eater]

Lindsay Lohan is dealing with a stalker. Harassing phone calls, random text messages, rude statements about her recovery and her family. This person claims to know where Lindsay is staying and has told Lindsay she is being watched. The Betty Ford clinic may have to move Lindsay to a secure location. And — just a thought — this probably doesn't help the whole "being sober is great" thing. [TMZ]

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds "tried, but the spark died." She went to therapy; they had a 2-week separation. When the two weeks were up, they agreed to split. Rumors flew that he and Blake Lively flirted when he was filming Green Lantern earlier this year. Right now, Scarlett is in Jamaica with her friends, but she is still wearing her wedding ring. [NYDN]

Miley Cyrus is allegedly saying that the bong incident was her just being young and having fun. And she's right. Show me a 17-year-old American kid who doesn't know how to hit a bong and I'll show you a kid who's way too sheltered. [TMZ]

Eva Longoria flew to Texas to have lunch with Tony Parker at a gas station with a barbecue pit in the back. Mmmm, Texas barbecue. [TMZ]

Lily Allen will try for a baby again in 2011. Her half-sister says: "New Year, new start." [Contact Music]

Emma Stone says those fake sex scenes in Easy A were not easy: "Simulation of sex is a real workout… We must have done a hundred takes." People, if you haven't seen Easy A, rent it when it comes out December 21! They are not paying me to say this, I just think it would be a perfect snuggle-up-and-watch-a-movie-while-you-have-the-day-off-for-Christmas Eve movie. [NYDN]

Sarah Jessica Parker, Halle Berry and Zac Efron may join the all-star cast of New Year's Eve — the movie based on a holiday and not on, you know, a plot — from the people who brought you Valentine's Day. It will, like Valentine's Day and He's Just Not That Into You, be a Love, Actually rip-off with intertwining stories. This time it's New Yorkers navigating love and drama on NYE. Zac Efron will play a bike messenger, which makes my eyes roll so hard they quiver. And by the way, this flick will be filming in Times Square over New Year's — a clusterfuck location real New Yorkers do their best to avoid. [Hollywood Reporter]

This will not come as a shock to you: David Arquette is having a nervous breakdown. He's seeing a shrink, but admits that he's been getting wasted quite often: "I've been drinking a lot because I'm heartbroken," he told Howard Stern. "It's really a personal, traumatic thing." And: "When I drink, I become a maniac." He's gonna try and stop boozing, though. "When you wake up and reality hits you, it's hard." [Us Magazine]

Denise Richards is dating Nikki Sixx. This should end well. [Us Magazine]

Teen Mom's Amber Portwood was pulled over on suspicion of DUI. She passed a breathalyzer test, but was found to be driving on a suspended license. Get it together! [Radar Online]

Katherine Jackson's home is being renovated, so she's renting a mansion in Calabasas — a block away from Britney Spears! Maybe Blanket can hang out with the little Federlines? [TMZ]

Donna D'Errico, former Playboy Playmate and Baywatch star, is suffering from a serious staph infection. MRSA, you guys. MRSA! May I remind you that the winner of 10 Of The Grossest Stories You'll Ever Read — aka "Mangina" — involved MRSA? Too early for that, you say? Tough. [TMZ]

"I'm in a place where I just don't want to take on too much. It's not about, 'Oh my gosh, I've got to get all these things for myself,' because I love being at home. But you know, my husband and my mother will say, 'You shouldn't just abandon your talent. You should still get out there and do some things every now and then, because you'll appreciate that over the next couple of decades.' And I suppose deep down, I know they're right, because part of me could easily just keep nesting and staying at home. It's really nice." — Nicole Kidman. [Huffington Post]

"I said to a friend [that] being on Dawson's Creek was kind of like being a mobster. You set up a shop selling pizza but in the back you're laundering money. You're doing one thing in plain sight and secretly plotting something else. I was plotting my tastes, my interests, my beliefs and hopes for what I could be." — Michelle Williams. [Pop Eater]