Unfortunately, I haven't spoken to my friend since the last time I saw her when she told me things were better (which was before I shared the story here). She hasn't called me or texted me so I am not sure if I should try to contact her soon. I would love to share information about DV with her but to do this I need to have contact with her. The thing is that she still loves and cares for this woman and since the things got better between them I suppose she wouldn't consider leaving. Also, the abuser is her boss and if she reports her, maybe my friend would lose her job. That is part of the reason why no one knows about them.

She is completely open gay for a long time, so that is not an issue. I know that in our community it is more complicated to seek help because of homophobia or just because people might not believe that DV is possible in a same-sex relationships. Especially, my friend used to be a rugby player, also a boxer, so no one would expect that to happen to her.

I know it is her decision what to do, just hope I will get to speak to her soon and will be able to give her some information and support.

Hi like willow I found the most helpful thing people did when I was in an abusive situation (and knew it but felt ashamed about how emotionally stuck I had become) was to let me continue to make my own decisions (good or bad) and to concentrate on being a friend...doing normal friend kinda things...cups of coffee, talking about daily events etc. Was like an oasis of calm in my otherwise pretty chaotic life. Like many in my situation I did eventually find my way forward...but took me time to reach this point. Looking back I truly believe that no well intentioned person could have really influenced how quickly I did this. Was just not in the space to hear opinions and input from others.

Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.