Saturday, August 25, 2012

d12
1. Dunkel the dirt farmer's got a third eye that sees only the truth
2. Gurter the tiller has few friends, all of them rather credulous ghosts: he can convince them of just about anything
3. Ah-ah, feral master of the plum grove has a single incredibly strong arm growing out of the middle of his chest: he's killed several in arm-wrestling exhibitions
4. Zat the bat herder shares an uncanny bond with the creatures of the night
5. Y'ruk's turnip fields are guarded by huge black stag who may or may not actually breath fire
6. Bro Craglor's secret to bountiful harvests: surrounding fields with circle of gently killed pixies
7. Widowed Zondor Kroom's seven sons wear wraps to conceal their snake-beards
8. Awful Gonofle grows spell components on the side in exchange for zombie night-labor
9. Caloo Barleyfield murders wanderers and scatters their bodies in his fields to encourage swamp-ape soil fertilization
10. Ahkdar's fields go untended since the sinkhole opened up but he's jollier than ever
11. By some unknown innate power Yeeurg the root harvester can speak every known language + several unknown
12. Loaf Landus seems to sleep all day, yet somehow always has the best cart at market, rivals willing to pool their resources for assassination fees

Table Three: Cures (other than Cure Disease spell)
d12
1-2. Huge monetary sacrifice to the god of the wretched
3-4. 24-hour ritual involving free-form dance and large amounts of chicken blood
5-6. Victim must be bled to within inch of life
7-8. Cup of hot poison (50% chance of instant death anyway)
9-10. Subject must be roasted over open flame until half-dead
11-12. Incurable!

Monday, August 20, 2012

d12
1. Exhausted swordsman w/multiple arrows in back drags unconscious wizard, bleeding profusely and moaning piteously
2. Cyclops clutching superficially wounded eye, doesn't yet realize he's not blind
3. Gaggle of diminutive humanoids evacuating in a big hurry with whatever personal effects they could grab or stuff in a sack
4. Duo of warriors in mad sprint, currently on fire
5. Thief, barely able to contain glee, with sack full of gems and magical trinkets
6. Vampire in wolf form, cursing venomously
7. Dragon w/one horribly mangled wing in state of shock
8. Pale, sweaty, and trembling fledgling wizard with bag of gold in one hand, blood dripping dagger in the other
9. Stampeding herd of torch bearers and men-at-arms, report former employers dead or captured
10. Large cube jelly making off with dead giant whose head is embedded within after fortuitous critical hit
11. Necromancer disguised as escaped prisoner following coup d'état by underlings
12. All the rats as if from a sinking ship

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Love is both blind and not particularly bright. But its power to make things weird, even in the darkest subterranean pits, can never be entirely snuffed out. Alas!
Roll once on each table below for traditional one-on-one romance, with additional rolls for love triangles or more complex entanglements.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

d12
1. Lord of the Dinosaurs: ready to give it another go after notable prehistoric setback
2. Ancient god of harvests: trapped in arid dimension by upstart currently in power, remaining cultists planning rescue operation
3. Ith-plp-ah-ah, deity of the intelligent cephalopods: almost finished regenerating after passing through digestive tract of cosmic megalodon
4. Perpetually perishing and resurrecting Lord of the Martyrs on the scene yet again
5. God of vengeance: nearly completed eon of trans-cosmic score settling, ready to rekindle following in native realm
6. Deity abandoned by worshippers spent eon nursing wounded ego somewhere in the void, recently convinced by more successful member of pantheon to make spectacular return, offering two-for-one spells to prospective clerics
7. Sun God went super-nova and died, reborn as black hole god: readying press release to announce alarming agenda
8. The Cloned Lord: return not exactly a surprise
9. Once popular among the intelligent beetles of a bygone epoch, the scarab god finally finished molting into sleek new anthropoid form
10. Careless titan made off w/enchanted halberd embedded in the vampire god's black heart
11. The Cloven God: halves arrived at power-sharing compromise and requisite theological justifications, once again ready for business
12. Hrikikichi the Cockroach God: rumors of extermination greatly exaggerated

Sunday, August 12, 2012

d12
1. Rosy-cheeked young offspring of yeoman farmer, embodies all the qualities long since sloughed off by the lich
2. Spouse of prominent regional leader
3. Dragon w/human mind trapped within
4. Irrational fixation on particularly ravishing subhuman, causing shame, guilt and abundant inner conflict
5. Extremely charming and evil halfling
6. Heretical obsession with arch bishop of Church of Law
7. Memory of long-deceased heir to antediluvian monarchy, soul unavailable for reincarnation
8. Saves up love to lavish upon animate mummified cats
9. Devoted to incredibly decrepit senior citizen of astonishing longevity
10. Love-struck at first sight by the most charismatic PC (in the event of a tie, the lich just can't decide which one to love more)
11. Ghost of a pre-human scientist
12. Anything that moves

Sunday, August 5, 2012

d12
1. Transmutes at need into black ooze form
2. Drinks only the blood of halflings
3. Has swollen to gross immensity after gorging on village
4. Emits hypnotic vapor cloud from mouth
5. Takes the shape of a giant chigger
6. Sucks blood from toothed orifices on palms
7. Is the size of a horsefly
8. Must sleep for a fortnight
9. Can only be killed thusly
10. Repelled by recitation of verse
11. Has 20ft. long prehensile blood-sucking tongue
12. Will leave you alone if you can beat it in a strictly moderated tournament-style miniatures wargame

Note: 200th post! I figured on running out of gas about 150 posts ago. Onward!