I almost never go to the doctor, preferring to work it out for myself with the sage wisdom of plenty of liquids and letting nature run it's course. When that doesn't do it, I also enjoy practicing medicine on myself and others who will let me until I get it right. Who doesn't?

This week, though, I finally gave in to the medical industrial complex because I have this thing happening in my ears that won't go away. It feels like voodoo or someone won't shut the fuck up about me - burning like hellfire and itching deeper than anything should itch - so I gave up and went to the doctor.

And wouldn't you know, this doc in her glossy clinic (that also has it's own app) prescribed. folk. medicine. They had an assistant wash my ears out with a warm spray solution of H2O. I was then instructed to go get some vinegar, mix with water and douche my ears out every day with a syringe you can get from the baby aisle. I got some drops too. They are for your eyes, but you can use them for your ears. Note: Cannot be prescribed vice-versa.

It is any real surprise that in my old age I just want to move to the English countryside and run a little surgery where I can practice medicine myself? Maybe join a ladies guild or something...