Reliable advice from a trusted source of calcium

Miracle of Evolution

I admit it. I waited way too long to mow my lawn and now it's a
jungle out there. I was finally going to take care of it, but
some tree-hugger said he found a new kind of plant or something
and chained himself in front of my mower. How do I get my lawn
back under control?

Ready to Whack Weeds

Dear Weed Whacker,

All you really need is a change in perspective. Not just anyone
can create the right conditions for the Miracle of Evolution in the front lawn. Even by accident. In other words: you are sitting on a Gold Mine.

Sell your lawn to Science and use the money to buy a new one.
You should also consider investing some of the money in a lawn
care service once your new lawn is installed.

~Kevin

Dear ESEEHC,

Where can I find pickle seeds? I've looked everywhere and only
found cucumber and every other vegitable.

In a Pickle

P.S. Is there pickle flavored cheese?

Dear Ina,

Can I presume that when you say "everywhere" that it's just a
figure of speech? After all, in our Infinite Universe,
everything grows somewhere.

To find pickle seeds you should look to the Garden Gnomes of
Middle Iowa. They are the only people to successfully pickle cucumbers without killing the seeds. These seeds are sold year round
at their Garden Gnome Farmers' Market.

Oddly enough, they do also sell a pickle flavored cheese, but I don't really recommend it.

~Kevin

Cheese Boss

I can't apply for a job until I upload my college transcripts.
But when I scan them the pdf file size is waaaaay too big. How
do I fix this?

-Frantic

Dear Fran,

If the file size is too big, that means the transcript is too
big. Use a photocopier that can reduce the page size and try
scanning again.