Someone Get Me Some Special K. STAT!

Oh, God. Is that an inch? It is. I have just piched an inch. I can’t believe this is happening to me. What the hell am I going to do now? My life is over. Over, I tell you! I mean I always knew I could get fat. After all, big sissy is a bit of a chunko. But I never thought it would be so soon. And the timing couldn’t be worse. Just when I was getting Susie Dillworth to notice me. I mean, I can wear long pants to day care, but let’s face it: eventually I’ll need a diaper change and…OH! Just imagine Susie’s face when she sees this giant lard knee. I’m finished. Ruined. I’ll be stuck over in the zoo puzzle section with the rest of the losers who can’t get a date. This is absolutely the worst day of my life. What I don’t get is how it happened. I mean, sure, I may have had one or two extra teddy grahams this month. But is that enough to distort my body in such a grotesque manner?

Baby Bob was beginning to wonder if he parents were his real, biological Mommy and Daddy or if they just picked him out of the Cabbage Patch. That would explain his odd fascination with cabbages. It would also explain why he preferred carrying the leafy green vegetable over the security blankets and teddy bears all of the other kids at the Perky Play Pen Day Care Center and Preschool had.

If his damn Aunt Margaret would have laid off the booze, she could have made him a sweater with matching arms. He only gets striping on one arm? What is that all about? Now the kids are really gonna make fun of him. Chubby and mismatched. geesh

that must be one heck of a dump that kid is taking in the hammock! Hope the yarn can hold up to the pressure…

If you will check, the kid with bad hair & the cabbage has stripes on his right arm. Whereas the kid with no legs in the hammock has stripes on his LEFT arm. We are obviously dealing with two kids here. Or perhaps there was a third kid who never was shown?

Okay, I am extremely offended by this. I do not think it is cute or funny to exploit today’s youth with comparisons to America’s overabundance of obese people. i am in fact, in the numbers of overweight Americans, registering at 350 pounds completely naked this morning! Thats .8 pounds lost so far on my new diet! Try it! Its call the stop making fun of people as if it is some type of formidible pastime of yours jerks! Have a nice day, may you all meet your makers soon.

Oh my gosh!!!! The model of this ensemble here has revealed himself, in comment form! Clearly, it was Troy, who never forgave his boozer aunt Margaret for knitting him so many sweaters with lines on all the wrong sleeves.

Troy, you missed the point. This is a tongue-in-cheek send-up of our weight obsessed culture. Kimberly, I’ve noticed, is a master of subtle humor. If you take her too literally, you’ll miss the point every time.

Troy–Get over yourself. The post is about the way our culture is weight obsessed. I’ve grown up in the same culture you have, where the average size of women on TV is a size 2, while the average American wonam is actually a size 12 (which I havent worn since jr. high). I’ve been told by the media that because of how I look, I must be stupid, lazy, a slob, unhealthy, and would never find someone to love me. All of which is bull. I’m highly intelligent (I loved to blow the grading curve in college), I love to go dancing, my health is fine, thank you, and I married a wonderful man almost 6 years ago. And all while weighing well over 200 lb. If I can see the humor in this, why can’t you?

i’m itching all over just looking at it. tight and woolly at the pink bits just is not safe. this makes my butt itch just looking at it. makes me want to toss the boy in the washer to felt him up nice.

I can’t look at that kid in the hammock. If he doesn’t hold perfectly still, the thing’s going to flip him over and he’ll land face-first on the ground. Hope it’s not too far away. No wonder he looks petrified.

Poor baby Bob wished his sister had never picked up the sticks. She had been trying to make him all these new gifts. It didn’t help she was pretty much stuffing cakes and cookies down his gullet like no tomorrow. But no, she had knit him these horrible sweaters and socks in her crazed harry Potter fanaticism, mumbling something crazily about supporting Hufflepuff. Then she had crocheted him that damnable hammock! It didn’t help that it wasn’t the same house. The hammock was Gryffindor, for f**k’s sake!
Oh, he knew that his sister had made that sweater for herself. But she obviously had no concept of gauge, so it didn’t fit her. That’s the only reason he got those stupid socks, sweater, shorts, the other sweater, even that stinkin’ hammock.
If only his sister wasn’t such a geek!