President Obama Would Never Ditch Biden, Begins Apologyfest Media Tour

Following reports in Double Down that President Obama considered swapping Joe Biden for Hillary Clinton, a pack of cigarettes, and a dirty magazine, our nation’s leader is now embarking upon a brief media tour (Apologyfest Interview & Contrition Fair ’13, North American leg) to deny the allegations. The Hillreports: “The president, asked in an NBC News interview whether he knew his campaign was researching the idea, said that during his reelection campaign, he was in charge of two million federal employees, as well as a sprawling campaign staff.” He told NBC that “people do all kinds of stuff”—declining to add, “Look at the kinds of stuff Joe Biden does!”—and had that sneaky, self-starting aides presented the idea to him, he would have nixed it.

Futhermore, Biden “happens to be a friend,” Obama said. “I like him.” Then seeing Joe Biden making furious hand gestures just off-camera, Obama sighed and continued: “He is my best friend. And, uh, that time I beat him in Scrabble”—Obama pauses to grimace—“I cheated.”

Biden nods appreciatively, encouragingly.

“I was wrong to tell Joe that ‘tong’ is a word,” Obama said. “It’s not. The word is ‘tongue’ because the utensil lifts food like a mouth.I apologize.”