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If you have a picture in your head of what an obedient wife looks like, it probably wouldn't match me.

I'm a young, educated (two college degrees) woman who has committed herself to living as a biblical wife and mother.
I have two young boys and a home in the rural countryside. I work as a registered nurse on the weekends.

Does the thought of obeying your husband as if he were the "Lord" (Ephesians 5:22) make you bristle? Does staying home to take care of the kids feel demeaning to you?

That's because the world has lied to you.

I'm going to do my best to expose those lies.

Listen to Bunny Wilson

If you have RealPlayer installed, you can listen to Bunny Wilson's inspiring talk on "Liberated through Submission" courtesy of Coral Ridge Ministries.

Recommended Books

Saturday, November 25, 2006

About a year ago, I decided to take advantage of my oldest son's enthusiasm for "soldiers" and channel that towards being a "Christian soldier". It's amazing the difference this has made in our family.

Once a day, I call the family to "attention" (the boys call it "Ted Hut"). I do inspections before school to see if their hair/teeth are brushed well. I give out assignments/rewards as appropriate. When I give an order, I expect to hear the "Sir, Yes Sir"s, and for a bit of fun, every once and awhile I'll tell them, "I can't hear you!". They then yell out in response, "SIR, YES SIR!". I try to sound as gruff and "soldier-like" as possible, and the boys eat it up.

I've decided to include my notes from our very first "Ted Hut". Parts of this are as much for the wife as the kids, as I think it's important that the children see entire family operating according to the chain of command. If I give her a command during the "Ted Hut", she gives a "Sir, yes Sir"! herself (or something equivalent), and the kids are expected to respond to her orders with a "Maam, yes, Maam"!

I make it clear during several points that God is above me in the chain, and that I need to "Sir, yes Sir"! Him when he gives me an "order" (through his Word).

Failure to follow orders, or pay attention can result in pushups. For some reason, little boys seem think the pushups are fun. For more major offenses, I discipline appropriately, of course.

This little exercise has worked wonders for our family.

------------------------------------------------

TED HUT!!!!!

We need to turn this unit around soldiers. I look around and see we've become:

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

In the "Husbands Role Part I" I looked at God's plan for husbands, and ended with a question: "What do wives do when their husbands aren't taking on that role?".

There are two different answers to this question, depending on whether your husband is a believer, or a non-believer.

For husbands who do not believe the Word, your choices are limited. For this reason unmarried ladies, do NOT marry a non-believer!

Peter tells us the following:

1 Peter 3

1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

Peter tells us that wives of unbelieving husbands are to win their husbands to Christ through their submissive behavior, without a word. This verse instructs wives not to try and change their husbands by "nagging". Peter says to win your husbands by your submissive BEHAVIOR. The purity of your actions speak louder than any words.

Proverbs 27:15 (New International Version)

15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day;

If you want to help change your husband, start with changing yourself.

Matthew 7:17

Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

Matthew 7:3

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay noattention to the plank in your own eye?

If you want your husband (or wife, if I have husbands reading this blog) to take on their proper biblical roles, you need to start by throwing yourself in to your own role. Wives, do you want your husband to lead? If so, are you letting him? Do you question his every decision? Are you a living example? Are you submitting to him as if he was the Lord?

There is no dependency relationship between a wife's submission and obedience, and her husband acting as a loving, biblical, head of household. Wives must submit even when her husband doesn't believe (or act on) the Word. Husbands must love their wives even when they are rebellious. Do not expect the Lord to work in your spouses life on your behalf until you have changed your own.

Now, for wives who have believing husbands who are not taking on their proper role as leader/preacher of the home:

Again, are you submitting? Are you allowing him to lead, or discouraging him from it? The same principle applies here as with the unbelieving husband. Do not take on your proper role only if he takes his on first. YOU submit first.

Wives of believing husbands also have a greater tool at their disposal... the Word. Without nagging (telling him once is information, twice is nagging) remind him of his role, using only Scripture, using a meek and quiet voice. Most men want to lead. If he is a true believer, a slight nudge is likely enough.

If his sin is of a serious nature, follow the biblical model of dealing with a brother's sin:

Matthew 18:15

15"If your brother sins against you,[b] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[c] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church

"I've tried everything, and nothing is working!"

Pray. Have you tried just focusing on your own walk and letting God handle the rest? Remember, you can only divorce for adultery. You can only seperate for your personal safety or that of your children. Otherwise, you have two options... keep trying (in ways God instructed), or turn it over to God. Trust in Him.

Your husband already walking the path? Halleluah! Follow the bible's directions on helping him with his load. If he is taking his role seriously, he has a lot on his shoulders.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

To completely "put on" the role of a biblical wife, you must understand the role that God ordained for husbands.

Wives are to submit to their husbands as if he were the Lord, and husbands are to lead according to the example Jesus set. Jesus loved his church so much He DIED for it! Your husband is commanded to show you this type of love!

Ephesians 5 22-27

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansingher by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

So what ARE the husband's roles/duties? Please note, this is NOT intended to be a complete list. I'm sure I missed many.

Preacher of the home (manages family well) [1 Timothy 3:4-5]

Provider for his household (men should work and be bread-winners) [1 Timothy 5:8]

Leads his family [1 Cor 11:3]

Loves his wife as much as Christ loved the church (Christ DIED for Hischurch) [Ephesians 5:25]

Remembers his wife is his equal in receiving God's blessings [1Peter 3:7]

Punished through hard work (in part, because wife led and did notfollow!) [Genesis 3:17]

Leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife (does not allow in-lawsto meddle) [Ephesians 5:21]

Doesn't divorce his wife [Mark 10:11]

Provides his wife sex whenever she desires it [1 Corinthians 7:3]

Are you thinking to yourself, "Wow, if my husband was doing all that I could EASILY submit to and obey him as if he were the Lord."?

That's just one more lie to expose: How often do we make mistakes and not obey Jesus, and he was perfect! Our husbands are human and flawed. Submission may never be easy.

Despite that, I'm sure every wife can scan that list and agree that if we have to submit to our husbands (and we do), we want our husbands to be those things. We want him to try and understand us. We want him to be temperate, sincere, and thoughtful. We recognize that if he does the things the bible commands him to do, and we do the things the bible commands us to do, that BOTH of our lives (not to mention our children's!) would be drastically improved! We recognize that God really does want the best for us.

But what do Christian wives do when their husbands are failing in their roles, or perhaps don't even believe in the Word? I'll tackle that in my next post.

Friday, October 06, 2006

So far we've learned that the wife is the husband's helper suitable, sex is a gift, and sex should be given whenever desired by either partner. Now what?

Make sex great!

First things first. Wives, you are designed to be your husbands helper (helper suitable, helpmeet). There are a variety of ways you do this, through encouragement, being a Proverbs 31 woman, clean home, good food, etc. In time, in this blog, I hope to cover all that and more.

So why did I start off with three straight posts on sex? It's pretty simple ladies. If you want to rearrange your life to be a proper submissive Christian homemaker, and become the helper suitable your husband NEEDS to fulfill his role as the head of household and preacher of the home... sex is a great place to start.

Why? Because if you want to become the wife God designed you to be, then you probably also want your man to be the husband God designed him to be. What better way to motivate him to lead his family in a Christian walk than to show him, right off the bat, of the benefit of a wife who walks that walk!

1 Peter 3:1

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives

Sex can be a great motivator for a man, because frankly, most men want it and want it often. For those husbands doing their best to fight the world and lead their families, having a wife at home who supports, encourages, and keeps him satisfied in bed can be the difference between his success, or failure. He's your leader! You want him to succeed!

If your husband is a non-believer, your walk is a difficult one, but unfortunately, Peter makes it clear that you must submit to a non-believing husband just as you would a believing one. We'll talk about this in future posts, but for now, show your husband you intend to walk as God intended, and let your actions speak.

How do you make sex better?

Remember that men are more visually stimulated than women. Keep your body attractive! Not only is your body God's temple, but exercise is an aphrodisiac. Get your body in to shape. Wear something your husband finds you sexy in, and if possible, run around in nothing at all once and awhile. Leave the lights on occasionally during sex. Show yourself off.

Try dancing for him (see Esther).

There is no verse in the bible that forbids oral sex. If your man likes it, do it. As we've learned already, the marriage bed is pure. The only "dirty" sex is adulterous or pre-marital sex. Remember that the bible says that if you look at another person and think about adultery, you've committed adultery in your heart. So, no pornography.

Be adventurous! Men love to try new things in bed. Make him feel sexy. Tell him you think he's sexy. Laugh. Play.... and maybe after really really great sex... Cry.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

OK, so now you know that marital sex is a blessing. Next, we learn that it's not only a blessing, it's a requirement.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Let's tackle verses 3 and 4 first. Sex should be given when desired by either partner. Give your body gladly to your spouse. Your body belongs to him. You cannot tell your husband "no" in bed, unless you BOTH agree to take a break for prayer.

The last part of verse 5 shouldn't be ignored. If your husband's needs are met, he is less likely to look elsewhere to fulfill his desires. The same is true of yourself. If you are busy keeping your husband 100% satisfied, you shouldn't have the time (or energy!) to cheat.

Paul knew that few people had the self control to live a life without sex (which he would have assumed to mean a single life). One of the PURPOSES of marriage is to allow us to vent our sexual desires in a godly way. In a culture that encourages pre-marital sex, I think this point is lost. Marriage, in part, exists as means to vent our sexual desires! For those of us who had sex before marriage, we tend to forget that sex is a PURPOSE of marriage.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for Godwill judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

When I imagine pure sex, I envision myself in a sexy white robe, only to be seen and loved by my husband. I imagine God smiling at the union between my husband and myself. I also enjoy a vision of my husband planting a seed deep within me. That is my favorite because no other man is allowed in this special place. My "garden" should be an inviting home to my husband's "fountain". Sex should be like coming home. There should be a softness and calmness about sex, even if this is only experienced after the act is completed.

6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!7 Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.8 I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit." May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples,

What a beautiful love letter. You are a delight to your husband. To be desired by your husband is such a wonderful thing.

Yet another set of lies exposed: you do not have the "right" to tell your spouse "no" in bed, and "dirty" sex is NOT more exciting.

If you have a headache, take some Tylenol or Ibuprophen. If your husband wants sex - say yes, Yes, YES!!!!

Monday, October 02, 2006

In our society premarital sex tends to be encouraged or glamorized, while marital sex is portrayed as boring or routine. Any sitcom will drive that in your head.

First things first, the only place for sex is within the confines of a married relationship. Do not kid yourself, if you are performing any type of sex act before marriage, even with a partner you intend to marry, you are sinning and need to stop. No exceptions.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers andadulterers God will judge.

I'm not blogging on premarital sex though, so I want to focus on the first part of that verse. The marriage bed is honorable and undefiled. Even though my parents had a healthy sex life, as a little girl, I learned that sex was "dirty." Of course, what my parents (and church) were trying to teach me was that premarital sex was "dirty", but this was lost in that I never once heard a sermon on the beauty of married sex. If sex was mentioned, it was mentioned in a negative way.

The bible isn't prudish on the topic of sex. Read Song of Solomon as a start (to convince yourself). At least three sexual unions betweeen married lovers are described, at various points within their relationship.

Song of Solomon 4:16

Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.

There are a lot of things I could point out in that verse. Her lover is captivated by the fragrance and taste of his "garden". The fact that the garden is described as "his" (he owns her body). How she eagerly invites him in to the sex act.

Of couse, the beauty of marital sex is not only described in Song of Solomon, consider this verse from Proverbs:

Proverbs 5: 15-19

18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Marital sex was made and blessed by God. Have any doubt? The verse above specifically states that the young husbands penis is blessed! He should rejoice with the wife of his youth, letting her breasts "satisfy him".

Does this sound prudish, or like God considers marital sex dirty?

It's another lie I plan to expose. Sex within marriage does NOT have to be boring or mundane. Singles sex is NOT better. Married sex CANNOT be dirty (the marriage bed is undefiled). Married sex is a gift and blessing.

Enjoying and sharing sex with your spouse is a benefit of the Christian walk. Praise God for this wonderful intimate closeness that you can have with only this one person!

Friday, September 29, 2006

These verses specifically target women. There are, of course, many, many more verses that are non-gender specific.

Challenge: try printing this off and doing and circling items where you need work. Not every verse describes how you should behave, but as a whole, I think they give a good picture of a Christian woman.

Please send me a comment with any verse that needs added to this list!

Helper suitable (Genesis 2:18)

Worth far more than rubies (Proverbs 31:10)

Brings husband good all days of his life (Proberbs 31:12)

Selects wool and flax (Proverbs 31:13)

Works with eager hands (Proverbs 31:13)

She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. (Proverbs31:14)

Considers a field and buys it (Proverbs 31:16)

Out of her earnings plants a vineyard (Proverbs 31:16)

Sets about her work vigorously (Proverbs 31:17)

Her arms are strong for her tasks (Proverbs 31:17)

Gets up while it is still dark (Proverbs 31:15)

Provides food for her family and protions for her servant girls (Proverbs31:15)

Sees that her trading is profitable (Proverbs 31:18)

Her lamp does not go out at night (Proverbs 31:18)

Noble character (Porverbs 31:10)

Holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers [she sews](Proverbs 31:19)

Opens arms to poor (Proverbs 31:20)

Extends her hands to the needy (Proverbs 31:20)

When it snows no fear for household, all of them are clothed in scarlett(Proverbs 31:21)

Makes coverings for her bed (Proverbs 31:22)

Clothed in fine linen and purple (Proverbs 31:22)

Makes linen garments and sells them (Proverbs 31:24)

Supplies merchants with sashes (Proverbs 31:24)

Clothed with strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:25)

Laughs at the days to come (Proverbs 31:25)

Speaks with wisdom, faithful instruction is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:25)

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread ofidleness (Proverbs 31:27)

Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also and he praises her(Proverbs 31:28)

Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all (Proverbs 31:29)

A woman who fears the Lord, is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30)

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown (Proverbs 12:4)

Women should remain silent in the churches (1 Corinthians 14:34)

Women should dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braidedhair or god or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds appropriatefor women who profess to worship God (1 Timothy 2:9)

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission (1 Timothy 2:11)

I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over men; she must besilent (1 Timothy 2:12)

Women will be saved through childbearing if they continue in faith, love,and holiness with propriety (1 Timothy 2:15)

Teach older women to be reverent in the way they live (Titus 2:3)

Do not be slanderous (Titus 2:3)

Do not be addicted to much wine (Titus 2:3)

Teach what is good (Titus 2:3)

Train the younger women to love their husbands (Titus 2:4)

Be self-controlled (Titus 2:5)

Be pure (Titus 2:5)

Be busy at home (Titus 2:5)

Be kind (Titus 2:5)

Subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the word of God (Titus2:5)

I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will givebirth to children (Genesis 3:16)

Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you (Genesis3:16)

A kindhearted woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth(Proverbs 11:16)

A disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones (Proverbs 12:4)

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands a foolish one tearshers down (Proverbs 14:1)

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives (1 Corinthians 7:39)

Every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors herhead (1 Corinthians 11:5)

The woman is the glory of man (1 Corinthians 11:7)

Woman was created for man (1 Corinthians 11:9)

Long hair is the woman's glory (1 Corinthians 11:15)

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise also thewife to the husband [don't withhold sex] (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

The wife hath not power over her own body. She has power over herhusband's body (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man [dress like awoman] (Deuteronomy 22:5)

A prudent wife is from the Lord (Proverbs 19:14)

[Husbands] rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as theloving hind and pleasant roe (Proverbs 5:18)

[Husbands] let her breasts satisfy thee at all times and may you ever becaptivated by her love (Proverbs 5:19)

Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fitting in theLord (Colossians 3:18)

So I counsel the younger women marry (1 Timothy 5:14)

Bear children (1 Timothy 5:14)

Guide the house (1 Timothy 5:14)

Give the enemy no opportunity for slander (1 Timothy 5:14)

All wives shall give their husbands honour both great and small (Esther1:20)

A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like aconstant dripping (Proverbs 19:13)

Cleave to husband in one flesh (Genesis 2:24)

Obeys husband (1 Peter 3:6)

Calls him Lord (1 Peter 3:6)

Bless the fountain (Proverbs 5:18)

Open to my beloved (Song of Solomon 5:2-5)

I will give you my "love". (Song of Solomon 7:10-12)

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in Godused to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their ownhusbands, (1 Peter 3:5)

Teaches her children (Proverbs 31:1)

Comforts her children (Isaah 66:13)

The wife should not leave her husband (1 Corinthians 7:10)

For it is written: "Be glad, O barren woman, who bears nochildren; break forth and cry aloud, you who have no laborpains; because more are the children of the desolate woman than ofher who has a husband." (Galatians 4:27)