I was familiar with a hormone, thanks to my mom’s favorite joke that she’s been telling since I met her:

“How do you make a hormone, Paul?”

“I don’t know mom, how?”

“Step on her toe!”

But what the hell is a pheromone? According to Wikipedia: “A pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species.”

Whoa! Same species? Ex-squeeze me, but keep your hands of my genus, man. Wait, never mind; women are part of our species even though it rarely feels like that.

To put this stuff to the test, I sprayed it onto my body prior to engaging in varying social situations where I knew women would be present: the strip club, the office, the dentist office and my daughter’s daycare. All in the name of science, gents.

Once I entered the confines of the Bottom’s Up Lounge, I knew some type of social response would be triggered. As ZZ Top’s “Lowdown in the Street” poured through the speakers, my cohort and I made a b-line for the front of the stage. For comparisons sake, I was fully loaded up with Pherlure while he was completely unscented.

As I sat there, I was approached by a young, hot stripper. The first thing she said to me after rubbing up against my chest/$15 faux fleece pullover from a nearby Wal-Mart was, “Wow, you smell great.” BOO-YAH. I bet she’s never said that to a dude before or since and actually meant it, like she did to me.