If you want to reduce the habit of making negative judgments, criticising yourself or others, or feeling overly sorry for yourself, then each time you are tempted by these things, use them as triggers to remind yourself to look for something in the situation to appreciate, to be compassionate or grateful. Look for the silver lining in each cloud, the gold in the lead, the blessing in disguise. Keep digging until you find it, and if you can’t find it, then make it up! Go for the opposite quality and replace the negative with a positive. Squeeze the juice out of the whole of life. Don’t be satisfied with the just the positives in life. Stop trying to throw out the negatives, because there is treasure to be found in the trash. Life is full of hidden benefits, if you are prepared to search for them.

When you are the butt of negative judgments, pity or criticism, then apply the same process too. This approach pushes you to find the benefits. They are the payoff. What do you get out of being judged harshly, pitied or criticised? What strength does it force you to develop? Name it, and there is your lesson. Mastered.