2002/12/31

Well, yesterday was fun. VISA knows I'm totally its bitch, because it has me under its control.

What, you say? I went shopping at my preferred lingerie store yesterday and spent more money than I should've. Santa was very nice to this good... naughty.... good little girl. ;)

Otherwise, just hanging out with the friends. Watched Back to the Future II, and I have now vowed to never watch a movie that I actually enjoy with this group, 'cause it gets trashed all to hell and back. On the other hand, it gives me free license to roundly mock every single damn minute of LotR or Road Trip, should they follow through on their threats and pin me down and tie me up (heh heh) and prop my eyes open and force me to watch it, a la Clockwork Orange. I heard threats of them playing Cake in the background, which would just be horribly cruel -- I love Cake, and would prefer not to be soured on the music... or forever associate it with Tom Green and his desire to feed a poor mouse to a big snake.

Late last night/early this morning (to me, it's not morning until you've had some sleep between it and the evening), the four of us wound up in a conversation about the past year -- failures, regrets, accomplishments that we each felt we'd had. On that note, I bring you a slightly speculative post on what I feel was my accomplishments and failures of 2002.

AccomplishmentsI tend to divide my life into three areas -- work, school, personal life. In that manner, I have a few accomplishments that stand out in my mind.

In terms of work, I'd say an accomplishment was getting a raise (even if it only applies to one day a week), and not quitting when the going got tough. It was very tempting at times, but overall, it was good. In addition, I'd say that befriending Char and Vicki was also a great accomplishment on my part. I have had more fantastic conversations than I can count, Saturdays and Sundays are so much more fun now, and I especially love Char's outlook on the world. She makes me laugh so hard, and I always have fun talking to her.

For school, it's been a pretty decent semester as far as marks go. I did slack off after the first round of assignments, but I think I'll make it through okay. I have to say though, the huge thing for me, although it's not a fait accompli until I get the final marks (January 2nd they start filtering in again), will be passing Theories of Communications, a.k.a., the scary class. Huzzah for me. :)

For personal life... well, I got over the ex- and fell for J. I met some fantastic people -- Ben, Moose, Markuk, Char, Vicki -- and renewed acquaintances with a host of others (Greg, Mad, OFK, Big A, Jay, and the rest of the gang that I can't/won't list by name). I've developed some really tight friendships with people, particularly in the last six months or so, and I'm surrounded by people who make me feel good about who I am. It's really good for the ego to be told good things about yourself, or things people admire about you, and I'm doing my best to return the favours whenever I can. My friends are fabulous and I value them so highly, and I just hope they know that.

Also in personal life, but to a different degree, is this site and its companions. It's been so much fun seeing how many people have started reading this site -- my daily comments on people in my life, life itself, and whatever else comes to mind, be it rants about the Christmas decorations going up too soon or talking about how awesome my cats are -- and seeing how many people are into my efforts for Whore's Boudoir. I've had a whole number of friends and strangers complimenting me on my writing and asking me what I was going to do with it beyond these sites, and it's been that kind of support that's convinced me to actually take my writing more seriously. I'm not yet sure in what direction I'll go, but it's been your support that's convinced me to do something with it. That's more your accomplishment than mine, but I appreciate it.

RegretsWell, it's a hindsight is 20/20 kind of thing, but there's nothing here I regret to any huge degree. Just minor stuff.

For work: Mild regrets that I didn't try harder to put together a demo tape or try to advance further. At the same time, school is my priority at the moment, and I'm not in any huge rush to move forward just yet. I'm comfortable enough (although of course, I'd love to make more money) and I'm not going to be screwed over for finances, so I don't mind that I'm not going much further right now.

For school: Sorta regret having slacked off once the semester got underway. It was a very stressful semester (but aren't they all?), and I wish I hadn't slacked on courses like Greek Mythology, which were fun and relatively easy, so I know I could've done better than I eventually will have.

For personal life: Not getting out of the relationship with the pizza guy or the coworker sooner. Opening myself up too much and too quickly with J. Perhaps, but not sure, not having made a move on Markuk the first time around. However, to counteract all of the above, I can't say I seriously regret anything. The relationship with J was a learning experience, and it showed me that I can bring down my walls in the right circumstances, that I can find someone to trust and to who would treat me right. If things with Markuk had gone differently, then I wouldn't have gotten involved with Moose, and that's been going really well and been a really positive relationship, so I don't regret that. If the coworker had reacted differently, then I might feel differently about how it all panned out in the end. As it stands... I don't, not really. It's shown me a lot about his character that I wish I'd seen sooner.

So, perhaps this section, at least as it applies to my personal life, should perhaps be entitled "Things I might have done differently, but don't feel too bad about how they turned out overall."

FailuresFor work: No big failure here, aside from the inability to secure a raise for the Saturdays and other odd days that I work. No biggie, I might get the balls to go a bit higher and ask again, or just see what else I can find and be done with it all. Who knows, there's nothing much I can or will do at the moment.

For school: Well *knock wood*, nothing, really. I can't think of anything off the top of my head that I didn't do that I wish I had done, or that I failed really miserably at, so let's hope it stays that way.

For personal life: I did a rather spectacular crash-and-burn this summer, and it had me skittish for several months, even to an extent now. Was it an utter failure? I don't think so, I learned about myself from it, and it's carrying me well now. I think, even taking into account the heartache and the everything that even now lingers on, that it really wasn't. But it's the closest I've got here, so I'll leave it in.

The end result of the situation with the coworker was a failure, but I think I knew from the start that if we dated, there was little chance we'd be able to stay friends afterwards, and the circumstances that precipitated the relationship and the circumstances that ended it were both major factors.

In the end, things with the ex- and the pizza guy both worked out okay. I've managed to stay friendly with each of them, even if I don't talk to them on a regular basis or anything like that -- when I do talk to them, however, it's usually not bad.

I haven't lost any friends or had any huge fights with anyone this year. I've had some minor irritations with friends, but I either vent about it on here and get over it, or just get over it, period. I think I've gotten fairly accepting of people this year and allowed them a lot of leeway, at least if they matter to me.

So, to recap, it's been a year full of ups and downs, and it's brought me that much closer to forming a me that I like. Work is slightly in limbo, but that's where it has to stay until I graduate and can do something more about it. School is almost over -- the idea of defining myself as something other than a student is a bit troublesome, but I'll get used to it, I'm sure. There's much to be said for self-education, and lord knows I read enough. Personal life... well, it's been the most stressful and the most up-and-down, but the most revealing and the most satisfying, too. I like who I am right now, and so do many others, or so they claim. ;) I can't fault that if it works.

So to all of you who've made this year of blogging what it's been, I say thank you. Very shortly I'll be celebrating the one year anniversary of this thing, and that's pretty amazing to me. In less than a year, I've managed to amass over 6000 hits on this site, and I'm hoping that number will just continue to rise. As I do my best to remember to say every now and then, I appreciate all of the support and hits that you've given me, and I hope that you will continue to return in the future to read about my crazy life. Perhaps one day I'll date someone who has no association whatsoever with this site, and you'll get to read all about our (mis-)adventures in glorious Technicolour detail. In the meantime, I hope the details you get are enough. :)

Happy New Years to anyone celebrating tonight, and please, be careful. Don't drink and drive.

For the record... this probably doesn't apply to you. If you think it does, it might. But I'm not saying.

Thought the first:

Doesn't the poor me bullshit get old after awhile? Don't you get tired of playing the victim? The world's against me, it's such a big, cold, empty place and no one loves me, no one wants to hold me to their chest and tell me, "There there, everything'll be just fine"... doesn't that get so tired? Have you ever thought that perhaps you bring things on yourself? That maybe, just maybe, people around you are reacting to the asshole or the bitch in you? It's not that you keep meeting the wrong people time after time, it's that you wrong them. You're not the perfect specimen that you think you are -- sure, you manage to trick or confuse people at first, but then they get to know your true nature... and all of a sudden, they don't call anymore. Or they don't hang out with you anymore. Or they just can't be bothered to be nice to you or talk to you or even ask you how your weekend went, because somehow you'll manage to turn that around into another poor me moment when they forget or don't get the chance to ask you next week how your weekend went.

Sometimes people do insensitive things, sometimes people don't realize how much the little things matter, sometimes they little things don't matter so much. Sometimes it's the everything else that should count -- sure, ya fucked up this time around, but next time around, you got it right. When it mattered, when it counted, you were there, and that's what should count. But in your case... well, guess what? It's not been just once that there's been a fuck up, it's been time after time after time. You didn't just piss me off once -- you did it on a regular basis, so that it escalated and compounded, and all of a sudden -- no, not all of a sudden. It was a slow build, maybe I didn't see it, maybe that doesn't matter. It's how it is now, and it's how it's likely going to stay, because with all of your protestations and your wishes, and your "things could be different now," the ultimate problem -- YOU -- hasn't changed. Maybe I've changed, maybe I've grown, and y'know what? I like the me now. But I don't like you. I've gotten to know you, and I've realized that I'm better off without you, because no matter how much you might age, you don't change. You don't grow. You are the same snotass that you started out as, you just had me fooled for a bit. But now, no more. Now my eyes are fully open to my awful situation (to borrow from Gilbert and Sullivan), and I can't be bothered to try to improve it, because I know that you won't. You expect me to do all the work, and that just ain't gonna happen, 'cause no one works that way except you, and that's why it's not worth my time.

I'm so tired of people who can't see that life and relationships are two-way streets. They should never be entirely one-sided, and that goes double for the work that goes into it. It's unfair to everyone involved, and it's a big emotional drain; it leaves you with very little to give to someone else when you find someone that deserves your efforts, especially if you find that person shortly after the big leech that was an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend gets removed.

Sometimes you can't even remove that leech entirely; sometimes they're still a part of your life for some reason or another, and it's really up to you to get rid of them if you can. If you can't... then I don't know what to say. Sometimes that ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend can ruin a current relationship, either by their interference in some manner or another, or by you letting them stay an interference or a part of your life. I've had relationships that I didn't give much to because of exes and I've had relationships that were tanked or somewhat soured by exes. Sometimes it was my fault -- if you can be to blame for your feelings or your inability to move past them -- and sometimes it wasn't. Such is life. But I don't play the victim and always say that "It was so-and-so's fault" ... I acknowledge that I'm to blame, too.

Thought the second:

Well, I thought I had one here, but I think I'm going to save it for a column in the nearish future. Now it's really on to some WCIII and some cat snuggling. It was funny last night; I went to bed with Digger snuggling me, and woke up with Shadow snuggling me. :)

New article posted on Whore's Boudoir. Not necessarily my best work, especially as it was written late at night, but I'm trying.

I'm debating whether that should count as a belated Friday entry or an early Tuesday one. Urgh. At the very least, it counts as a very belated entry... like from two weeks ago or more. Ah well. :)

I finally got a chance to catch up on my sleep somewhat. Went to bed around 3:30 last night and got up at 1. That felt good. Tonight, I think I'll wind up falling asleep earlier and likely getting up the same time, at least the way I'm feeling. :P

Been at the shaky/sick point of hunger a few times in the last few days. That's really an awful feeling, I should probably start doing something sensible like, oh I don't know, eating earlier to combat that. Although yesterday I had a big breakfast (well, by my standards), I ate a decent lunch -- sandwich, cake, two oranges, can of Coke -- and I was still hungry. Very hungry. I ate a lot of bread while we were at the restaurant.

Anyhow, I think I'm going to play some WCIII before hitting the sack and maybe doing some reading. We'll see. Urgh. Such stacks of reading to get through. :)

2002/12/29

Well, approximately 4 hours later, the room is finally more or less clean.

I say more or less because I still haven't dusted or vacuumed, but in all honesty, I'm waiting until I move out to accomplish that task. I simply have too much stuff in my room to try to vacuum the place, much as it may need it. If I can start moving boxes out and whatnot, then we'll see. For now... I can live with it. Hey, I'm rarely here, anyhow.

Two and a half bags of garbage, a garbage bag full of clothes and a half garbage bag of books... and that was me being pretty conservative.

I learned throughout this ordeal that I have a *lot* of books of logic problems and assorted word puzzles. Note to self: do not buy any more of these books until you use up a few.

I also learned, once again, that dust makes me skin itch and it makes me sneeze. I'm allergic to dust, which is a good reason to not disturb it; it makes it angry, and then it retaliates on me.

Ah well... the last few days I worked, as I mentioned before, the 12-6 shift at work. It meant that I got to watch a decent amount of daytime television, namely Jerry Springer and People's Court, two minor weaknesses of mine. I'm not saying that I'll drop everything I'm doing to watch either show, but if they're on and I'm not doing anything better, I'll watch them.

Jerry Springer constantly reminds me of a few minor facts of life: 1) people can do (semi-)well for themselves with very few teeth; 2) the mullet is alive and well as a fashion statement for a significant portion of the population in Springer's world; 3) women will fight over butt-ugly men; 4) men will fight over butt-ugly women; 5) people are incredibly stupid.

People's Court teaches me that judges can be just as rude and condescending as regular people when they want to be, and that people are incredibly stupid. No big surprises there.

The cats have been funny lately. Digger found a plastic cap and was carrying it around and playing with it, and Shadow's just been her whorey self. They're such cuties. :)

Today was pretty quiet at work. Got together with the family for dinner at the Outback afterwards, and had a good meal. Then I came back here and basically started cleaning the room. I'm so worn-down right now, and I don't know if it's because of the total lack of sleep I've had over the last few days, or the physical exertion that I go through every time I have to clean. :P Ah well. I have big sleeping in plans for tomorrow, so I'm very excited about that.

Cleaning my room also showed that I have a much bigger DVD collection than I realized, although about a third of that has been acquired over the last few days. Nonetheless, I have over two dozen, a number I never would have guessed, had I been pressed. I also have about three times that number of books (a conservative estimate, believe me) waiting to be read; I cannot wait until I graduate and can indulge my brain.

I basically started and finished reading my first Carl Hiaasen book today. I'd long stayed away from the works of authors like Hiaasen and Douglas Copeland because in my head, they had been forever associated with a vague feeling of pretension. It stems back to high school, and it's not necessarily true, it was just an impression that had formed and stuck with me for awhile. Anyhow, I bought this book (Writers on Writing) in the Great Chapters/Future Shop Blitz of last night, and it included an essay/chapter by Hiaasen. The first few lines caught my attention, and I decided to give Hiaasen a shot, especially as I have really wanted to read a novel lately (or several), and his works fit the bill. I picked up Tourist Season, it seemed like a good place to start, and I enjoyed it. I can't say I laughed out loud or cried or anything like that, but I liked the style of writing, it was very clear, and the story was certainly compelling.

That all said and done, I'll likely try another couple of his books, get a feel for them and all that. It wasn't necessarily like some other authors that I've been grabbed by immediately, but I wasn't turned off. I need new authors to follow, anyhow. :)

I'm off to do a bit of reading and catch some sleep. Tomorrow is going to involve getting really rid of a bunch of the stuff that I've just moved out of my room for now -- off it goes to the stores, hopefully. Digger wants some company, too. :)

2002/12/28

I feel as though the next few months are going to be very decisive for me. I feel as though I am poised on the threshold of something big, something important, and it will merely take a few pushes in order to make things happen.

The reality of things that were merely vague pipe dreams now appear to be possible, tangible options. The next few months are full of promise, and … well, I guess we’ll see, now.

Mind you, I’ve felt this before, this promise of things to come, this anticipation… and nothing has really come of it. Nonetheless… the end of the degree is in sight. Moving out looms tantalizingly on the horizon. Finances are stacking up, slowly but surely. Debt is mounting (damn VISA and spending habits… books are my downfall, and lately, possibly also DVDs).

I decided that I want to turn my old desk into a writing desk when I move out. Keep it stocked full of notebooks and stationery and pens. I’d like, when I get old and have my own place, to have a roll-top desk to use as a proper writing desk. It might not accommodate a computer too well, but sometimes I prefer to longhand out when I’m doing.

Markuk gave me a really nice writing book for Christmas, along with a book about Canadian pop culture and particularly its women in history. I’ve started reading it, and it’s written with a sense of humour; those are the cultural/media/feminist studies books I prefer to read. Pink Think is good for that, as are a number of others I’ve read.

The only problem I have with the writing book is that because of its quality, I feel that what I write in it has to have some significance, some importance to it, and I rarely feel that way about anything I write. So it’ll likely become a transcription book, where I write out those things I do feel worthy of keeping – either of my works or those of others. We’ll see what happens.

I was telling Ben the other day that I’ve long had a compositional fetish for clean notebooks, or stacks of loose leaf. I love a stack of paper, whether it consists of math problems to answer, quizzes to fill out, or merely lined pages waiting for something to be written on them. I love office supplies; post-its, pens, notebooks, notepads, desk blotters, desks, desk chairs, highlighters… they all call out to me in a strange way.

The computer screen before my eyes and the feel of a familiar keyboard beneath my fingers hold some of the same allure. The advantage to computer composition is that I can type faster than I can write, I can save things and return to them later very easily, and I can do my editing on the fly. I wrote before, I didn’t realize how much on the fly editing I did until I started longhanding out my blog entries and articles when I was at work or elsewhere. It’s so easy to delete sections that I dislike or go back and flesh out paragraphs… even once I’ve posted something, I often go back and add in paragraphs or phrases here and there in order to add details I’ve forgotten.

I’ve gotten in the habit of carrying a notebook in my coat pocket. I carried it for awhile in my bag (okay, my purse), but it took up too much room. It’s come in handy many times, and today’s Chapters excursion added a few titles to its depths for later contemplation.

That’s not to say I didn’t do a significant amount of damage at Chapters even without the few titles I eyed and decided to wait on. If anyone wants to buy me a present… well, I’ll let you know the titles I wanted. ;)

Anyhow, today was the post-Christmas shopping excursion for me. It consisted of Future Shop, where I dropped $120 with tax on DVDs (Beetlejuice, Full Monty, Toy Story 1 & 2, Carol Burnett’s Show Stoppers, and Spaceballs), then off to Chapters where I dropped $50 or so on various books. I picked up a few books that they’d marked down to 75% off, and I also got a little catnip kit – I figure that can be the kitties’ Christmas gift, since I didn’t actually go get them anything, horrible mother that I am and all.

The last few days have just been a total blur; I worked the 23rd for much of the day, then hung out with Markuk (I think, like I said, it’s a blur), then took the 24th off in order to do what I’d intended to be nothing. Which then turned into a Warcraft/gift wrapping spree, courtesy of my mom (well, the second part, I mean), then off to see Mark and exchange gifts. I gave him Yoshi’s Island for Game Boy Advance (his birthday gift from Ben) and a big bag of Reese’s Pieces, and he gave me Monty Python’s Holy Grail on DVD as well as a cute stuffed cat. Very soft; I love stuffed animals. :)

Ben gave me Muppet Treasure Island on DVD, one of the Muppet movies I don’t own, and particularly not on DVD, so that was cool. My folks got me the Back to the Future 3-pack on DVD, as requested, and my sister picked it up for my dad. *grin* I’m noticing it’s a very popular acquisition amongst friends of a certain age group.

I got some nice clothes; there was very much a blue theme going on this year, I noticed. Last year was purple (something like 7 of 9 tops I got were some variation of purple), and the year before was red. In addition, there was a slight cat theme going on; got a little stuffed cat toy from the folks, one of those baby toys they sell at card stores, very cute (I think I bought one for myself, but I can’t seem to find it, so maybe not… although I could be hiding the lost civilization of Atlantis in here, so a little foot-long toy is not exactly going to stand out). My aunt got me a switchplate painted with cats and a stuffed pig toy, and my folks also got me this really nice wooden napkin holder with matching salt and pepper shakers – painted with cats. It’s super-sweet.

The big gift this year from my parents was my own little TV with a built-in VCR. It’s mainly for when I move out, but I can set it up now my mom said (sure, I’ll just keep it on the bed!), and so that’s one reason why I need to clean my room. Among about a billion others. ;) It’s just a little TV, 13”, but it’s still pretty sweet.

But that’s not why the last few days have been a blur. It’s been work – urgh. For anyone who bothered to check my schedule, you could see that I worked, as previously mentioned, the 23rd, the 25th (noon-6), the 26th (noon – 6), the 27th (from about 10:30 – 6:15, actually, not the 6-10 written on there), and then tomorrow is 12-6, Sunday is 5-11 and then Monday I work… and I’m taking New Year’s Eve off, and I don’t work New Year’s Day, ‘cause I said no!

On actual Christmas Day, we all got up earlyish and opened gifts, then I dropped by J’s place so I could collect the gift he told me he’d purchased for me. It was really nice – a photo album meant for putting pictures of cats in it. Then off to work, after which I picked up Markuk (after doing gift exchange there) and had dinner at my place. We played Trivial Pursuit (the game my sister had gotten for Christmas, their 20th anniversary edition), and he and I watched the MST version of Manos: Hands of Fate at his place. I fell asleep near the end, then we went downstairs to doze on and off until about 4, when I finally decided to haul my ass home to bed. I slept from about 5 until 9, and it felt like that was the only sleep I got. Combined with the six hours from the night before, I was not a happy camper. :P

I still haven’t quite figured out what I want to do for New Year’s. I kinda had the expectation of hanging out with the group… and then my girlfriend D is trying to get me to go out with her and the girls at some bar for a James Bond themed party, but that’s really not my scene, whatsoever. She’s really into dance bars and such; I just like ‘em once in awhile. Then Moose wants to spend the holiday with me… so I don’t know. My current plan is to hide at home and knock back the rest of the bottle of Baileys that I bought a few days ago. We’ll see what I actually wind up doing.

I saw Catch me if you can the other night with Ben and gf, Mark, other brother and gf, and their sister. We ate dinner at East Side Mario’s first, had a great waitress and had fun. Their brother and I were joking about me buttering Mark’s nose (I’d threatened to do it for some reason or another), and I was offered a loonie to do it… so I waited until Mark wasn’t paying attention and schloop! Butter on the nose. I didn’t quite catch it myself, but apparently the look on his face was priceless.

After dinner was the flick, then off to the household where everyone pretty much just went to bed. I got to sleep around 2 or so, Mark disappearing for awhile downstairs to play video games or something. When the alarm went off at 9, I felt like ass. :P I was planning on an early night this evening, but so far that’s not quite panning out. I suck.

*laugh* That reminds me. A couple of brilliant observations from the last few days (once again, names are hidden to protect the guilty, and the quotes likely can’t be attributed to who you think):

“I have sensitive nipples!”

“You suck!” (Really funny if you know the context, but I can’t quite give it away. Suffice it to say, it wasn’t exactly a suited time to say it, and no, it wasn’t during head).

“I was going to say, you should hear her, it’s really funny, but then I realized… waitaminute.”
People make me laugh, and that makes me happy. My boss got me some nice chocolates and stuff as a thank you for working Christmas Day.

Anyhow, time for bed for real now. I don’t get the car tomorrow, which is fine, but it means I have to be up a bit early. I’ll likely write more from work (as if this wasn't enough to read :).

2002/12/24

Let's see, more recap.

Had a nice long lunch with Markuk yesterday, ran into someone who used to work with the pizza guy. Got my Christmas shopping finished (finally!) -- just had to pick up one final thing for Markuk, which I did in the evening, as well as my super-huge size bottle of Baileys and I gave Mark/Greg/Madeleine some cinnamon buns, 'cause they didn't have enough baked goods around with the lovely cookies Mad was making.

Work wasn't very exciting, just had a lot to get done. I did it in pretty good time, though. Afterwards, did some final shopping, then headed over to the house. Markuk and I watched Bruce Campbell vs. the Army of Darkness, during which I fell asleep -- which sucks, 'cause I like the movie. When it was over, we went downstairs to his room to check out his purchases over the last few days (mucho clothing shopping and such), then I was off to Ben and Mark's.

I was reminded today that I hate other people's alarm clocks (much as I hate my own), and I hate snooze buttons. A lot. There is nothing more frustrating (okay, so there is, but what the hell) than just managing to fade off to sleep again and then hearing the alarm go off again. It's especially frustrating when it's someone else's alarm, because I either stay mostly awake anticipating hearing it again, or they're used to hearing it, so they don't shut it off as quickly as I want it to be shut off. That's the one thing that'll generally galvanyze me into action; hearing an alarm going off somewhere. I'll usually bolt out of bed and stumble around as if drunk, in an effort to find the obnoxious noise and shut it off.

Funny story: when I went to visit my grandparents this August past, I was sleeping in my Nanny's sewing room, and around 3 in the morning something started buzzing. Now, I'd been deeply asleep at this point, so I didn't have a bloody clue what it was, or where it was coming from. Half-asleep, I'm stumbling about where I think the noise is coming from, and the best my brain could come up with at that hour was the television on the table, which wasn't even plugged in. I unplugged the power supply, but still the noise continued (big surprise), and finally my senses noted the tiny little alarm clock on the shelf. Shut that off, and back to sleep I went.

Did I mention this happened after a 13-hour car trip that day? Oh yeah, that's partly why I was so stupid at that hour. :P

I've also tried to answer the phone before when my alarm has gone off. That's always kinda funny, too.

I get mean when someone else's alarm is going off and they don't shut it off. The pizza guy used to be awful for that; I'd shove him a few times before he'd get up, and his alarm was the most obnoxious thing I've ever heard. :P

Ah well, no worries. If only I could find Ben's gift, I'd be a much happier person. I guess there's something to be said for cleaning my room once in awhile... although it's made hiding things very easy these last few weeks.

Time to scavenge up some food and dig up the room. I haven't forgotten about articles and whatnot; those'll be on their way shortly (hopefully).

2002/12/23

The last few days have been interesting, and not even in ways I can necessarily define. :P

There are situations going on around me, some I've resolved, and others... I'm not so sure. Certainly there have been some good developments lately, but once again, it's stuff I can't really post publicly.

Wasn't this more fun to read back when I didn't care? :)

Anyhow, lots of issues at work with various diaries being found and spread around and whatnot... and I'm kinda caught in the middle of things. I'm sympathetic to both, and I feel like somehow I should do something, but I don't think it's my place, so I'm just going to stay where I am, listening to both sides and being sympathetic, and just hope like hell that my site doesn't get spread around.

Not that it's especially interesting, or would even necessarily matter if my site were found. I just ... bah. I don't know. I give up.

Well, not really, but kinda sorta for now.

This entry won't be nearly as long as I'd planned, because I've gotten into conversations instead, but a few points I want to hit on.

I'm sick of the damn stupid monkey children that work at the McDick's near my work. They cannot get the most basic of things straight. The Mandarin California Greens salad has three components; the salad itself, the bag of salad dressing, and the bag of trail mix. I have had them forget the trail mix; run out of salad dressing, ask me which I wanted, then give me two different salad dressings, neither of which were ones I had asked for; and tonight, give me fucking croutons instead of trail mix. I'm sorry, but the majority of the $4.99 plus tax I spend on the damn salad is for the trail mix. Therefore, I expect to get the fucking trail mix. It also makes the salad much more filling, hence my frustration.

Two, the phrase, "so angry he would vomit" was used at work today. That was greatly amusing and made me laugh. A lot.

Three, in a way, I like that Markuk seems to worry about my horrid sleep and eating habits. It's not smothering (at least, so far), and it's sweet. I've never had someone acknowledge to me that they worry about things like that, so it's nice.

Four... well, it was a nonproductive weekend, but it was rather a good one, overall. Some laughs, some interesting, thought-provoking conversation, some mad snugglage, some crazy other stuff, and not enough sleep. S'all good.

Tomorrow is lunch with Markuk, finishing off the Christmas gift shopping (just one thing left, I swear it!), and then work. Or work possibly before that (hah!), maybe some writing. I'm a week overdue on my Whore's Boudoir article, and I feel like ass for it. Just not entirely sure what to write about. Ben had some interesting things to say about the fact that there are now two comments up there labelling be somewhat slutty... but that they only came about when I was directly addressing male sexuality (in terms of hardons) rather than something more female-related or even just generic.

He also had this interesting thing to say: "(laugh) Y'know, I know very few other people who would call their pet fish "bastards" ;)"

I called them bastards because I was a terrible mom and forgot about them when I was off gallivanting... so they decided to punish me by not eating right away and making me worry somewhat. :)

Anyhow, I'm tired. It's 2:30 in the morning (hah, told you I'd get to sleep late!), and I'll have to wait and write interesting things later.

Finishing thoughts: it's really nice to have people tell you you're sexy/tempting/cute/bratty/fun/smart/comfortable to be around/hot/nice... very good on the ego.
Also, I'm discovering that it's with my really close friends that I'll talk about myself more. I think I'm getting better at drawing people out and asking them questions about themselves in order to spark conversation about shared interests or even common ground. It seems the coworker and the security guard didn't know what they were talking about when they called me self-absorbed. Bastards. :)

Oh yes, and I got talked into buying a dirty pendant when I went in to get a replacement navel ring or just bead for the navel ring (I wound up with the second). It's part of their Kama Sutra collection, and I decided on what the clerk termed the missionary position, but later turned out to be actually woman on top. I call it serendipity; it seems appropriate. ;)

2002/12/20

Ah, winter. The season of weird skin rashes, bad hair, cold slush, perpetual chills, dry skin, crazy amounts of work to do (like uploading literally three or four dozen Christmas songs, plus 10 hours of “The Gift of Christmas) in time for the Christmas season that’s starting earlier and earlier… tell me again why I should love this season?

Argh. Don’t mind me, it’s just been one of those lives. The phone rang at 10 this morning which I answered because my sister sucks and wouldn’t wake up if you put the damn phone on her head and had it ring, then immediately afterwards rang again for my sister. I’d set my alarm for about 10:30 or so, but once the phone rang the second time and I had to go get her up, I shut it off and went back to bed. Dragged my ass out of bed by about 12, was out the door by just after 1, missed the stupid bus. Got to work, crazy amounts of work to do including a bunch of music to upload by today… and oh yeah, I’m on the board at 6, so I only have a few hours to get it all done! Argh.

I know it’s my own fault; I was out late last night, and didn’t plan very well how I was going to get home. I ended up getting dropped off at one bus stop, and caught the last bus to a more major connection, then had to wait 25 minutes for the main bus to show up and get me out to where the car was parked. It was about 3 in the morning by the time I got home, and I got to ride the bus home with all the drunks, which is always a blast.

There was one totally wasted girl who was asking me if I was swimming in a lake and had to pee, if I’d leave or just let go in the water; the guys she was polling were saying they would just go in the water, whereas she and I would both leave. Very exciting topic of conversation when one is wasted.

I read an article through BlogSisters on blogs and employees this morning, and it was talking about how you need to watch what you say on your blog, ‘cause it can get you in trouble. Well, right now I want to do a mini-rant but I’m all paranoid. So, I will regardless. Basically, I’m grouchy at our engineering department; they took my Denon (professional quality CD-player) and replaced it with the one that was malfunctioning in one of the studios. The thing is, the one I use gets used to upload commercials and music, so it’s not as if the work I’m doing is less important – I tend to handle more money for the stations than the other producers do, so what I’m putting on air is important, too. What the swap has meant is that my CD player keeps skipping on songs, but of course it doesn’t do it after ten or twenty seconds; it does it 2 or 3 minutes into the song, so I have to start over again. Fuck it’s annoying. I’m either going to just rip all the damn tracks and say fuck the levels, or go into another studio. Of course, it’s getting close to the time when I have to change studios, so I don’t have time to fuck around and try to learn someone else’s setup, especially when I have all my templates and such set up in here.

There, minirant over.

So, yesterday was fun. No, not really. Well, parts of it were. The last few days I’ve gotten to have crappy conversations with two different people that I had to introduce myself, but I got through them and I feel vaguely better for having done so. Vaguely. Urgh. We all know I’m doing the right thing, but that doesn’t make it any easier all around.

Anyhow, just mucked about the house for awhile yesterday. I was going to go to Mad’s thesis defence in the morning, but I had transportation issues (i.e., no car because of the weather), and I woke up feeling rather crummy, so I just waited until Ben got in touch with me and we went Christmas shopping, along with his buddy E. I had to stop on campus to get my Sex in the City DVDs back from my classmate – rather than waiting in what I thought of as the CMN offices, he was waiting in the prof’s office (in the other CMN building), so I wasted a half hour of my precious, precious time. :P Ah well. Dropped off a parcel, then met back up with Ben and E, and met the infamous T.

I managed to pick up a book for my mom, then separated from Ben and E to meet up with Markuk. I got my gift for Ben, which is where Markuk found me, ‘cause he couldn’t get through to my cell. I did get his messages a few minutes after he sent them, so I got to show him when my phone received them. Funny. :) I felt so much younger than him, standing next to him; he was dressed all preppy/grownup in a dress shirt, sweater and nice wool topcoat… meanwhile I’m standing there in my jeans, sneakers, huge sweatshirt and long winter coat, along with my backpack. His hair’s all nicely done (well, heavily gooped), whereas mine likely could have used a good brushing. It was a telling contrast… but then again, I’m a poor broke student and if I wear dress pants and a nice shirt to work, people think I have something special going on afterwards… whereas Markuk was saying that his outfit was dressed down compared to usual for him. Such different lives we lead.

Anyhow, we managed to catch a bus out to the house, and spent some time with Mad and Greg before disappearing for awhile for a relatively depressing dinner… however, I did get my Baileys, so it wasn’t all that bad. Wait, no, it was. Afterwards, it was back to the house for some hanging out with the crowd, and I annoyed ^H^H^H^H^H^H convinced Markuk to stay awake and be semi-social. We drew some attention at one point when he tickled me and I started pinching him -- weird feeling having the entire room staring at you, quiet. It got some laughs all around, that was for sure. On the other hand, something I might have noted before, it’s really nice having friends one can snuggle with, or who give you really long, really good backrubs. I forgot what it could be like to be part of a coven of sorts. :)

Afterwards, ‘twas the previously detailed bus adventure to get myself home. It looks like I won’t be too screwed, but I’ll definitely have some work to get caught up on on Monday. Urgh. Ah well… serves me right for trying to have a social life, right? Okay, so it’s ‘cause I keep terrible sleep hours. Ah well, eventually I’ll learn… probably sometime around when I lose two inches in height and discover I have osteo at the lovely young age of 25. Then Markuk will laugh at me, I just know it.

So, I think that’s all that’s exciting in my life. Well, it’s not even that exciting, but people like to read it, so I’ll write it. For now, I’m going to finish this, and I’ll likely write more while I’m working. I still have a hidden entry to write, not to mention another overdue article for Whore’s Boudoir. *grumble*

2002/12/19

UNIVERSITY TRUTHS:

1. Quarters are like gold.
2. Two meals a day is standard.
3. Road trip whenever possible.
4. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.
5. You will begin to nap again.
6. Your bookstore bill will almost equal tuition.
7. Squirt guns=stress relief.
8. Email becomes your second language.
9. College students throw paper airplanes too.
10. You never realized so many people were smarter than you.
11. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you'd never know, but you can recite last week's episode of South Park verbatim.
12. You will never rent more movies in your life.
13. No one is too old for video games.
14. The health service nurses are there because they couldn't make it at a real hospital. Never, ever forget that.
15. Care packages are right up there with birthdays.
16. The campus is only clean on parents' weekend and freshman orientation.
17. It never stunk so much to get sick.
18. Nothing you want to register for will be open.
19. Beware of the freshman 15.
20. Be creative in the dining hall.
21. Classes: the later the better.
22. You are no longer thankful that the fire alarms are here to protect you.
23. Disney movies are more than just classics.
24. Asleep by 2:30 A.M. is an early night.
25. Cereal makes a meal any time of the day.
26. New additions to food groups: Jolt Cola, Ramen, and Pizza.
27. ATMs are the devil's advocate.
28. Duct tape heals all wounds.
29. Pro Wrestling is suddenly cool again.
30. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them even more.
31. Showers become less important, sleep becomes more important.
32. You will eat anywhere that is a buffet.
33. You realize college is the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes.
34. Procrastination is an art form.
35. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires.
36. The only time to dress up is when all your jeans are dirty.
37. You'll eat anything if it's free.
38. College football is the coolest thing on the planet.
39. Cartoons are for all ages.
40. You are never alone.
41. You start counting in beer and not in money: i.e. that text book would have bought me 3 2-4s
42. You find yourself calling everyone you don't like Nazis, such as your profs, the cafeteria staff that don't smile ...
43. It is no longer your blood alcohol level it is your alcohol blood level.
44. Your furniture consists of empty 2-4s of beer and you wonder why your room smells.
45. You seem to find yourself saying ‘your fucking’ everything: 'Fucking profs', 'fucking school', 'fucking cafeteria food'...

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Job is interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence??- I thinknot!
9. Two hands and just one mouth...
10. You can focus better with one eye closed.
11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
12. You fall off the floor...
13. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
14. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
15. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
16. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
17. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
18. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed...hmmmm
19. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
20. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine,Alcohol,and [Women or Men].
21. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
22. Roseanne looks good.
23. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
24. That damned pink elephant followes you home.
25. I'm as jober as a sudge.
26. The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
27. You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.

2002/12/18

Isolated realizations:

Some of my views of people that I know are coloured by the opinions of people or events from the past. I thought I didn't do that anymore, but it seems there are some people whose opinions I listen to more carefully; that which Katz and Lazarsfeld would call "opinion leaders." (If you don't know, don't ask; I'm being a loser). I thought maybe some people I knew were... making mistakes? ... but it doesn't seem that way. Suffice it to say that she's a really lucky woman to have someone who cares for her so much.

I won't say what I'm thinking.

Another realization: my head knows things rationally that my heart just refuses to accept, and it's fucking me up right now. I have no courage, but it looks like I was right to not do or say anything because it’s a hopeless situation anyhow.

It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter… none of it matters.

I want to do something seriously self-destructive right now. I want to go get something pierced or tattooed or get fucking pissed out of my tree or stoned out of my gourd.

I want what had been there, but isn’t anymore.

I want to run away to another city and not talk to anyone. Maybe, just maybe, then I can lose hope and stop thinking and feeling and getting my hopes up somehow and then feeling like shit once again when it all comes to be nothing, like it always is.

Why can’t something work out the way I want?

Why do I let go at the wrong times? And hold back on things that could be good?

Yet what I’m going through is tired and stupid and pathetic and useless. I mean, so I feel like shit. I still have a roof over my head, clothes on my body, money in my pocket (kinda), food on my plate… yet still I bitch.

I could so easily go back to where I was last summer and lie to everyone and just act the way I wanted and stress and worry… but I told myself I wouldn’t do that again. So what do I do? Do I go ahead and hurt someone knowingly? Do I try to convince people around to my point of view? Do I say sorry and disappoint someone? Is there anyway I can do anything without feeling guilty here?

It’s a situation of my own making and one that I’m almost not sure I want at times.

I … do I even want what I think I want?

That’s the question, isn’t it? Do I even want what I think I want?

Fuck.

I’m going to be starting up a hidden page. I realize announcing it defeats its purpose, but there are a few people I want to have reading it, and I have to write, and I can’t do that on this page, because too many people read it that would get hurt or upset. So, if you think you want to read the whole backstory and other crap that goes on in my head, email me and I’ll toss you the link if I want you reading it.

I want to stop falling, because it’s when I fall that I get hurt.

I want to adopt a destructive behaviour, so I can have some kind of release from the thinking. It’s the thinking that’s the problem. I think (hah!) I might be happier if I were dumber. That way, I wouldn’t have all these little so-called (invented) clues that I pick up on and turn into something. If I were dumb, people would have to explain everything to me, and I wouldn’t misconstrue anything.

I think I’m going to try to stop reading anything into anything anymore. I know of at least one person who’ll be happy by that; I’m guilty of over-analyzing everything, and I’m actually not doing that so much anymore. I’m getting better.

Decent day yesterday. I got up early, got into work later than intended. It drives me nuts sometimes having my mom and sister around in the morning -- throws off my whole scheduling thing. Mom said at five after 12 that she was leaving in ten minutes; we left at 1. Or thereabouts.

Anyhow, got downtown, did some shopping for a care package, then went into work. No sooner had I arrived than I spent ten minutes running around the building, talking to various people, trying to find a digital camera so that I could take pictures of Tom Cochrane, who was in for an interview. Finally found one, he introduced himself and shook my hand, then I took a few pics and that was that.

Afterwards, pretended to do some work for a bit (okay, so I really did get things done, like finished off The Gift of Christmas, got some songs uploaded), then was off to the lovely porn store with a friend. Found out that it could be the wires in my vibe that are broken and causing it to just stop dead (not fun!), so I have to check it with new batteries, and if not, I can bring it in for an exchange. Checked the receipt today, it was bought November 1st, so I'll within the 60 days still. Just can't keep dragging my ass, so to speak. ;)

Got some dinner and ran into an old friend from high school, who seemed weirder than I remembered. I thought he'd graduated (he was two years ahead of me), but apparently not, 'cause he said he was going back for his grade 12 and then planned on going to college. He's back to living at home, and his 5-year old daughter (born while I was still in high school) is doing well. He asks me what I'm doing, I'm like.. "uhhh... finishing up fourth-year university in communications, working more or less full-time, no kids..." It felt odd. I mean, not that I haven't been in situations like that before, but it still felt odd.

Ran into another high school friend the other day while I was waiting for the bus -- she spotted me and came over and hugged me. We only had a chance to say where we were going, and then my bus came, but I figure one day, along with all the other emails I have to finish off, I'll email her and say it was nice to see her, 'cause it was. :)

Then I went on a jeans-shopping expedition that I hadn't planned on doing, and found myself a nice pair of jeans... for $70. Ack! I've never paid so much for jeans, but I can never find them to fit because I'm not some scrawny anorexic person with no hips, thighs, or waist, and I really do need jeans (hand-sized holes, literally, make for poor day wear), so I coughed up the credit card and paid. My credit card bill is awful, but it's been worse. I just don't want to see it get that bad again. :P

Bussed home, had a slightly awkward conversation on the bus, then got the car and drove out to see Markuk and Greg. Sat around and chatted for awhile, watched some of a movie, and Greg got a phone call and disappeared upstairs. Markuk and I continued chatting, I managed to embarrass him with the discussion of some stuff I'd learned, which surprised me... I played some GTA 3, giggling as I ran people over (I can't help it, it makes me laugh), and then Madeleine came home. While she unwrapped a stained-glass nativity scene, we chatted (trying to convince Markuk that he wasn't gay ;) and eventually Greg came back downstairs and then we had a debate over the right way for the placement of a toilet seat (down, which Mad and I won), which Markuk sparked when he was talking about stupid arguments couples usually have... Anyhow, just after midnight everyone was fading and so it was time to go.

Called up Ben to see if his invite was still open, then headed over there and hung out with him and Moose. Still didn't get to play video games as Ben had hoped, but watched some crappy tv, Moose fell asleep on me and didn't drool on me, then I took off. I'd tried to write my article while there, but it didn't happen. Ah well, I think I know what I want to write, and if I don't, I'll make something else up. :)

As for how today goes, well, we'll see. Might try to get the car to go out and do some hanging out with Markuk and his coworkers, might just bus out that way and then cab home so's I can do some drinking. However, I'm going out Saturday night for sure, so drinking will likely occur then, so I don't need to do it now. Plus, I'm beyond broke, so... that's no good. :P

Today's telemarketer story: Phone rings at 10:30.
Me: "Hello?"
(Background noises)
Me: "Hello?"
Her: "Hello?"
(Me, mentally: Argh, I hate this joke, 'cause it's not funny.)
Me: "Yes?" (snotty tone)
Her: "Mrs. (garbled version of my last name)?"
Me: "Yes?"
Her: I'm calling from the blah blah blah Police Association.
Me: "Thank you, we're not interested."
Her: "Do you even know what it is you're not interested in?"
Me: (I forget)
Her: "It's for the something something circus."
Me: (I forget) ... but somewhere in here I said something about not being interested partly because they've called every day for the last three weeks.
Her: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that anyone had called you before. I'll take you off the list for this year."
Me mentally: You do that. Me orally: "Thank you. Bye."

All of the above was said in my froggy, you-just-woke-me-up-you-bitch voice.

Funny thing, Mad was talking yesterday about how when you're doing phone surveys, there are various codes you enter depending on whether someone's line is busy, or whatever. I wonder if the same applies for people like that, so she would've been lying through her teeth when she said she hadn't known someone else called.

The thing that pisses me off the most about telemarketers is that they won't accept me telling them my folks aren't interested. As soon as they hear that my foilks are at work or busy, even if I ask if I can take a message or what it's in regards to, they won't listen. It annoys the crap out of me. The worst one was the guy that insisted on talking to my dad (at like, 7 or 8 at night) and I got him to identify where he was calling from, but when I asked if I could tell Dad what it was in regards to, the guy was like, "No, I'll call back." Argh!

Anyhow, time to get ready for work. I'm running behind, big surprise. :P

2002/12/16

It’s funny, now that I don’t need to write, I want to. It hasn’t sunk in yet that I’m done school. Done!

Well, for a few weeks.

Ah well, I’ll enjoy my freedom while I have it. Hopefully. :) Of course, freedom hardly counts when your ass is tied down to your job and various screwy shifts for the next while. Thankfully, I don’t have to do that whole 10 a.m. until whenever shift tomorrow, so that’s a nice break. Of course, I just found that out now, at quarter to five in the afternoon. I guess it’s a good thing I came in late today, ‘cause otherwise however would my boss have been able to tell me? Argh. I just have to train on it, and somehow retain that training for a year, the next time it’ll likely happen that I’ll need to do it. Riiiiight.

I’m not in the best of moods right now. I have the feeling that one of the receptionists from work got rather… suggestive at the party on Saturday night while smoking a cigar. Or something. And I think she did it to the coworker. This is something that’s been going on for awhile; I’d bet money he’d fuck her in a minute if she offered. And I’d bet money she’d offer if she thought she could get away with it. Big deal, eh? Only thing is… she’s married. :P Apparently that hasn’t stopped her from doing some other rather questionable things, according to J the ex-security guard who used to be my friend.

Met up with K today for some hanging out and chatting. We went through the small food court in the mall, and as we passed this older gentleman standing in line at the Burger King, he growled at us.

We laughed, as did the girls behind us, but we also decided that not enough people growl at you in public, so we’re going to start doing so. At least, I will. Maybe every time someone I don’t like is around. Hehehe.

Got the rest of Moose’s Christmas gift, all I have left now is the rest of Mom’s and the rest of Markuk’s. Then… finito! So, I finish school stuff and I finish Christmas shopping around the same time. But, I’m also broke and in debt. Urgh.

I remembered the dream I had last night. I was with someone from work, and goes by his initials (which should be hint enough for Char and Vicki), and for some reason it was summertime and he was walking me to my house and we were slightly comparing sexual practices. We both (in my dream at least), admitted to being bottoms, and he was all impressed to hear that, ‘cause I guess (in my dreamworld), he hadn’t met many other bottoms. Or something. It didn’t really matter, ‘cause he’s also not interested in me for many reasons, chief among them that he’s gay. There, I think that tells you who he is. :)

Weird that I’ve been having so many dreams involving coworkers lately. Well, a whole two. Nonetheless… not usual for me. Ah well, still funny.

Hrm. Weird trying to classify how I feel right now about the coworker. I don’t hate him exactly, but I wouldn’t be upset if he never came into work again. In fact, I think I would enjoy work somewhat more. :)

Tomorrow Markuk is flying in, and today Jay is getting into town, and another buddy of mine shows up soon. Whee for friends being here! Reminds me, I have to call the twins and see if they’re around. I love hanging out with them. :)

Anyhow, since I don’t have anything important to say, I guess I’ll finish this now. I think tonight I’m going to have fun just relaxing, playing WarCraft III, and maybe writing tomorrow’s article. Or some porn, or some novel goodness. Maybe catching up on some of those emails that have been sent to me.

I’ll be so busy… and bored. Talk to me on my chat programs, please! :)

Oh yeah… and you know how sometimes someone asks you something, but you tell a white lie, or an evasion so as not to hurt their feelings? I don’t lie completely, not with a direct question, but I will sometimes try to fudge things slightly. Every now and then, the bitch side of me is really tempted to just out and out be honest. Like, “Yes, you do talk about that every time we talk, and it’s actually really annoying. Stop being desperate, stop being like that, and you’ll find someone.” Mind, I guess people have probably wanted to say the same thing to me a few times over, so I try to keep that karma balanced. ;) I’m nicer than some people think!

And I appear to have confirmation that my fish don't like the new pellets I bought, since they're not the same company. Storm takes great pleasure in hiding them, and he recently churned a bunch of them up out of the rocks and had two floating around the top of the tank for awhile. I think he's trying to tell me something. :P

Hrm. Got a comment on Whore's Boudoir saying, "You sound like a total slut." I'm debating leaving it or not.

The thing is, it doesn't bother me. I mean, I don't think of myself as a slut. Sure, I've had more experience than some, but much less than many. And most of my experience has been within the confines of a relationship, usually long-term.

I was having a conversation about the definition of slut with a friend of mine recently, whereby he kept redoing his definition of slut or whore so that it didn't include me. ;) From a friend, the label is much more hurtful than it would be from a total stranger.

I think I have some ideas for an article out of this, so I'm trying not to elaborate too much, while at the same time leave enough notes for myself to remind me for when I return to it.

See, there's a slight persona that I take on when it comes to the WB. I think I write from a much more worldly or experienced tone there than I might otherwise. WB's been described (by others) as a pseudo-advice column. Therefore, it makes sense to make it seem as if I know what I'm talking about. *grin* Here, you get the details (well, on rare occasions), about what I've learned and how. Here, you get the agony that is the breakups, the hurt and the suffering that go into the disappointments or the happiness that is the onset or the enduring relationship. You get the questioning, the pondering, the (over-)analyzing.

There, you get the flippant side. You get the side who appreciates the sexual side of things and doesn't mind discussing it, tongue-in-cheek. Sure, that's part of who I am, and I'll do the same thing in in-person conversations, but I'm not going to laugh at honest conversations and such in person, whereas online, I'll laugh at the goofy side of things. If someone wants to have that kind of talk in person, by all means. Hell, Ben and I have done as much, which lead to my spouting, "I'm never going to have sex with you. There wouldn't be any sex -- it would just be all weird!" or words to that effect, which he found hilarious.

Maybe some of my friends think I'm a slut. I would say that those are the ones that don't look past my words to see the actions underneath, or even the heart underneath, that gets hurt and bruised, and stays protected. That's the heart that learned that for me, personally, sex is best when it's with someone I care about... and my definition of "care" isn't exactly a loose one, either.

So, maybe my words online brand me a slut. Why, because I can laugh at hardons when they belong to someone I care about and am involved with? Or maybe it's because I've kissed a fair number of people, and can identify what I do or don't like when it comes to kissing. Or, wait, I know it -- 'cause condoms make me think of sex. Or 'cause I like sex. That one must be it.

Heaven forbid a girl like sex (or be able to talk about it with turning all blushing virgin bride). Whatever is the world coming to?! Next, men will be doing housework! Or worse, staying home to take care of the babies while the womenfolk bring home the bacon!

*self-whap!*

Sorry, got that sarcasm thing stuck on, it's fixed now.

Anyhow, on WB, I may sound like a slut. But in real life? I'm not. And that's what matters. So, dearest Grant, who likely isn't using his real name or reading this site... eat my ass. With a spoon.

*kiss*

*grin*

All of this is to say that I think I'll leave the comment up. I could remove it, but why bother? It sparked this lovely post. :)

2002/12/15

Ah, it feels good to get things done. Four course requirements completed; five if you count the Gonq thing. Just have one paper to write for tomorrow, which I might actually get to if my mom would leave me alone for five minutes. Argh!

First, it's "are you ever getting up today?" Okay, so it was like, 1:30 and I was still in bed reading, but I mean, c'mon!

Then it was, "If you're going to have a shower, you'd better do it now." and "Change your sheets, they're disgusting."

So I do that, then it's, "Go get dressed, I need your help wrapping Christmas gifts."
I'm all, "Well, my breakfast is downstairs, I need to eat that."

She's talking to me as I'm eating, talking about errands I can help her do (wrap Christmas gifts, get something for Puppy (her dad), go to Wal-Mart with her to buy other stuff). I figure it sounds like a done deal, not a question.

I'm upstairs, want to finish my routine, she knocks on my door no less than like, 3 times with the same orders (in the space of less than five minutes!), and I'm all like, "Go away, I want to finish reading my friends' sites!" Argh. At least she's not grouchy at me anymore. :)

Tempers in my household are funny. My mom and dad each will flare hot and be pissed at you, but then it's over twenty minutes later. Well, Dad'll get *really* pissed and then he's your best friend again. With Mom, it's less angry, but it lasts longer. So, I got the best of both; I'll flare hot like Dad and sometimes hang onto it for awhile, like Mom. Depends on how I get pissed off.

Only person that can consistently make me lose my temper though, is my sister. She and I have had screaming fights at each other; I've only lost my temper on two (or three) other occasions, two of which were in high school. And they've always been really brief; like, *snap*, then it's over.

Ah well. Yesterday Moose and I arranged to go Christmas shopping; I called him at quarter to 1 and he was still recovering from his post-birthday celebrations with his friends. So I started running my errands, and then he called. Had to go get and oil/filter change done on the car, and I swear the guy ahead of me needed his engine rebuilt about four times. :P Ben called while I was waiting, and I arranged to meet him at the mall with Moose. Turns out we were stupid late because of the guy ahead of me, but Ben was even later, so it all worked out.

We didn't really get much shopping done until we got rid of Moose; I bought myself a book, did some perusing, but didn't find anything really good. Moose was going out with his folks as another post-birthday celebration (with less alcohol), so Ben and I dropped him off then hopped around the city doing some more shopping. Picked up a DVD for my dad, got Moose's gift, then went over to Chapters and bought some books for various other people. Ran into Lucas and Kim at Chapters, so Ben and I chatted with them for awhile before heading over to rent a DVD and chill at his place.

Got some Chinese food, watched Robin Williams Live on Broadway, then partway through Moose and folks came home. Ben fell asleep partway through (big surprise!), and after it was over, Moose and I moved downstairs to watch Dirty Dancing. Awesome movie, haven't seen it in awhile. :)

Now I'm just trying to find Mom's gift; Chapters.ca had it like, five days ago, now they don't. That pisses me off, especially since I couldn't find it in the store. :P

Argh. Now Mom's pissed at me 'cause it's taken so long. Fucking Christmas; I really hate it sometimes. :P

2002/12/14

I forgot to mention last night, I stressed myself out so badly over the exam.... either that, or I was just feeling ill because of the food I had, but either way, my stomach was just in agony and I felt so ill, I even went so far as to buy ginger ale and drugs to try to make myself feel better. :P I bought a plain bagel and snacked on that, and about halfway through the exam or so, I felt much better. My hand hurt though, from gripping the pen and all the writing I was doing. :P

Other things.. Thursday night's dream was that I used my mom's toothbrush to brush my teeth instead of mine.

On the other hand, got my other two papers back for my theories class, which was tonight's exam; got a B on the first reading log (way back), got an A on the second one, and a B+ on the big paper. So long as I didn't completely blow the exam, I should pass it this time around. Whee!

Sis is back in town. I came home from writing the exam to get the car, came upstairs and could hear her music before I even got off the main floor. Then I remembered, oh yeah, this is what it's like having her around. Should be an interesting few weeks.

Coworker was being a snarkass again today. J, the nice coworker, and I were joking around about I don't even know what -- probably something to do with getting sexual favours in exchange for the wine and wine bucket that he and tool got from the sales reps, I don't know... but somehow it was something about who I was sleeping with now, and I mentioned The Big Boss, and J laughed and said that he would believe it and he'd heard that rumour or something. Snarkass says something like, "well, whatever you have to do," and J and I were both facing away from him, and J rolled his eyes and looked at me, and I rolled my eyes and looked at him... and then almost laughed out loud and had to turn away. I have someone on my side, and it feels nice.

I make myself feel better by telling myself that he's just a lonely little boy who needs to be in on everyone's jokes and part of every conversation in order to be happy. Our boss was making fun of him today a little; saying that every email he sends sounds confrontational, but that if you read them in a Hank Hill voice (a particular talent of our boss'), then it's not so bad. It was nice to know that other people find his style of email confrontational; it's not something unique to me, reqardless of what the tool may have claimed.

I wish I knew.

That's not true.

I wish it was what I want.

Sometimes I wonder if that's what I really want, or if I've just convinced myself I do.

Argh.

I'm exhausted. I'm going to wait until tomorrow to write my column, 'cause I don't think I could come up with anything tonight, at least nothing funny. It would just be maudlin.

2002/12/13

I went to bed early last night (well, earlyish compared to the last few nights), and I finished rereading the Jennifer Crusie book, and then it was quarter to 2 and I was trying to get to sleep.

The cats took over my bed, so everytime I tossed and turned, I had to rearrange myself around them. I think Shadow got annoyed with that, 'cause at one point I woke up and she was gone but Digger was still there. Well, she got me back this morning when she woke me up, howling, outside of Mom and Dad's door, at 7:30 -- an hour before I had set my alarm to get me up. See, the door was shut, right, so she couldn't go in and jump on their heads or whatever she does. *grr* I couldn't get back to sleep. :P

God, so fucked for the exam. I almost wish it were first thing, so I could get it over; but then I would be even more seriously fucked because I haven't yet done any studying. Didn't get any transcribing done, so that's what today will be spent doing, in between uploading commercials and all that other exciting work stuff I do.

Anyhow, off to get ready. If I can leave the house even earlier than planned, that's more time to get work done. Or something.

2002/12/12

I got rid of the Sprint telemarketer who called just before 6 this evening by saying I was Mom. It just annoys me when they dial, and you answer, and then they don't answer right away, and so you have to sit there saying, "Hello?!" and listening to background noise before they finally are all like, "Hello?" 'cause they're fucking stupid and deaf and annoying.

I think they're busy masturbating in glee at annoying so many people, which is why they never answer right away.

In other news... just finished the PR take-home. Two essays, one 4 1/2 pages long, the other 4 pages long. I think. I don't care, it's done, I'm not thinking about it anymore. I'm so up shit creek for tomorrow night's exam, though. I've done nothing but screw around all day, I haven't transcribed any of my notes... so fucking screwed. I'm just going to do my best to transcribe notes tomorrow and bullshit my way as much as I can. Argh. I'm going to try to finish work early, too, so I can go find someplace quiet and study. If anyone comes to me with extra work to do, I'll just cry until they leave. :)

Then Saturday is Christmas shopping with Moose, and then possibly the party in the evening, possibly something else. Maybe just drinking myself absolutely bloody stupid and passing out at work. That'd be fun. :P Sunday I'm going to write my paper for Monday and clean my room (hah!), and then... Monday hand it in and work, Tuesday is work for my boss doing stuff I don't know how to do starting at 10 in the morning! Oh joy oh bliss!

Fuck my life sucks.

And the week after that, when everyone's on holidays... oh yeah, I get to work all across the holidays! "Oh happy day, calloo callay!" he chortled in his joy.

Off to kill some more stuff in WarCraft III (did I mention I did fuck all today, but somehow got through a few levels of that?), and then maybe do some note revision to scare myself. :P

Oh yeah, and I might as well share the details of my dream for you all to enjoy. I promise, I didn't eat anything weird before bedtime. In fact, I didn't have dinner last night, aside from about 4 Triscuits hours before I actually went to sleep (although I've been steadily demolishing -- out of stress and the need to keep my blood sugar sky-high -- that tub of chocolate frosting I bought, so that's probably not helping my dreams).

It started out with myself and another girl from work (I want to protect the innocent) sitting in my sister's room. She was on the bed with my giant teddy bear Paws (he's about 4-feet tall and flat from years of my using him as a pillow) and I was seated on my sister's beanbag chair, but it was leather or something in the dream. There was some arrangement whereby this one hot guy and two demon monsters were going to come and have sex with us, and the guy was going to pick who he wanted to sleep with. I was all confident in my looks, but alas, the hot guy chose her. So, they went off into my room, and one of the demons and I went into my parent's room. The bed was covered in folded laundry, and I arranged myself on my hands and knees so as not to disturb the folded stacks. There was no foreplay, but he had these square nails that I remember thinking I didn't want inside of me. Somehow he got the bed rocking back and forth to add to the whole penetration thing (he was standing on the floor), and after a few thrusts, I asked him if he had a condom, because I was thinking that I hadn't been taking my pill regularly, and I didn't want to get pregnant. He said no, so we stopped and I went into my sister's room to get my clothes (which had moved over so that geographically, it was where my room really is in the house), and my work friend and the hot guy were just cuddling in the bed, watching tv. I picked up my clothes and then I think I work up shortly after that, because I don't remember what happened next.

So... I'm having sex with some demon beast, and I make him stop because he doesn't have a condom. Apparently I'm responsible in my sleep or something. Geez.

Anyhow, hope that made you all laugh. :) I'm going to go kill some monsters (so that I don't have more dreams about having sex with them), and then I'm going to try to get to bed. Seeing as how I've been going to bed at 3 or later the last while, and I have to get up at 8:30 tomorrow... this is gonna be one damn painful day. :P

Oh yes, and I'm going to be putting up a rant about an article that Markuk sent me, as well as trying to marshall my thoughts into something sexual in nature so I can write my stupidly overdue Whore's Boudoir article. Argh! No stress!

I saw a cardinal in the backyard today; Shadow chittered at it for a minute or two until she got bored.

Another fucking telemarketer called this morning. I'm not sure what time it was, but she woke me up. From now on, I'm pretending to be Mom so I can tell them to fuck off... in my cheery, angry, you just woke me up voice. This morning's lady got the "just woke me up" voice, along with the grumpy. It was fun! :)

2002/12/11

I think my fish are mesmerised by the flame of the candles I have lit in front of their tank. My sleeve now smells like burnage, 'cause apparently my clothes are made of really flammable material -- who knew? At least it didn't melt.

A spoiler warning coming up

So, Dad and I got to see Star Trek: Nemesis tonight, in spite of my attempts to wind up in a totally different part of the city by taking the wrong bus. We didn't sit together, but that's okay. Instead, I sat next to three girls that were about 10-14 on one side, and then a dad and his son on my right. The girls chatted for a bit during it, and I was a little distracted from the dialogue, but overall they were quiet.

Although... I had to laugh at them. Minor spoilage here: Riker and Troi get married at the beginning of the flick. They're talking about the tradition of Betazoid weddings being naked, and Picard tells all his staff that they have to follow that (Worf was rebelling). Picard then leaves the scene with the line, "Meanwhile, I'm going to the gym." (or something like that). The mother of the girls was sitting behind me, and she laughed; one of the girls pipes up with, "What's so funny about that line?" *grin*

So... hrm. I want to talk about the flick a bit more and about how much of a loser I am, but I'm too lazy to set up a separate page for it, so consider this your spoiler warning. If you don't want to know more about the movie, stop reading.

No, really. Now.

Stop reading ... now!

Okay, last chance...

So, Data dies. In a rather ... final manner. There ain't no bringing him back, that's for sure. I'd known going in that it was most likely, as J and I had discussed it and I'd heard rumours (there was an article in the Citizen that I stopped reading after two lines 'cause I didn't want to know more, and the first two lines talked about Troi and Riker getting married and being sent off ship (only at the end, Troi at least is pretty prominent, Riker a bit less so) and it said a prominent character dies), so I went in kinda prepared. But there are all kinds of hints throughout the movie, moments when other characters could die, so I started getting all worried all the way through every time a character was in peril.

I mean, I knew that Data was the most likely one to die, 'cause he's ageing and an android can't age and I knew that Brent Spiner was wanting out for that reason, so I was expecting and not wanting to know. I could see how it was going to happen to spare the Picard 'cause of the foreshadowing and the semi-obviousness of the scene in question, but it kept running through my head, "Wouldn't it just fuck everyone over if like, Troi dies here? Or if Riker were to die here? Total suckage, especially since they're newlywedded?" But it didn't happen, and it was Data.

So anyhow, the reason I'm a total loser? And it's the first time it's happened in an actual movie theatre since Phenemenon (and I don't know why I did then), and it doesn't happen very often unless there are animals involved, but I actually cried when he died. Well, just before, and then during, and for a bit after. Not a lot of crying; just one tear, but I could've done more. I'm a loser.

It's funny, 'cause I do prefer TNG out of them all, but I haven't even seen all the episodes. I guess it's just that the TNG characters are most familiar to me, so having one of them die is really sad. :(

Anyhow, that's all for now. Now I have an hour to do some writing for my Gonq course. Urgh.

Alignment:Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Race:Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Secondary Class:Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I am a Green Dragon on the inside. My Inner Dragon is the embodiment of Nature and the Earth. Greens spend almost all of their time below the canopy or just above the treetops in tropical rain forests. Not a bad life considering every other creature in the forest looks up to me, figuratively and literally. I speak the language of every animal and plant in my domain and know most of them by first name. If people mess with my forests, I'm more than happy to wail on their puny butts. Because of my protector/caretaker role, I am the Earth Elemental dragon.

Naturally my whole life pretty much revolves around the other couple million species I keep an eye on, but that's not my whole dragon. I also like to like to impose my steadfast will on others, commune with Nature, and lobby governments for alternative fuels and conservation. My favorable attributes are gemstones, mountains, caves, soil, respect, endurance, responsibility, prosperity, and purpose in life. Folks shouldn't get the idea I'm a hippy pushover though, because my breath weapon is a nasty Fire/Acid combination. Maybe I should invest in a hemp shirt reading "Don't knock my smock, or I'll clean your clock." *wink*

"It's a shame you can't come." (said right after I just finished a really nice, intense orgasm.
"Uhhh... I just did."
"Oh well, you said you were quiet, I didn't think you meant that quiet." (Having been somewhat loud, or so I thought)

...and in the same vein...

(after having just spent a few minutes choking back what would have normally been screams and enjoying myself rather well) "Okay, we'd better stop."
"Were you close?"
"Uhhh... there was a whole bunch of orgasm wrapped up in all that."
"Oh, okay."

My thesis for my article, if I can develop it properly (i.e., with the right amount of humour): "Every good day involves someone making fun of your orgasm face." ;)

And on a totally unrelated note... a happy birthday goes out to my good friend Markolopolous, who today joins the ranks of the old and farty. Happy birthday sweetie. :)

My brain has also been coloured by the books I’ve been reading lately (Pink Think, Where the Girls Are, various media texts that critique the stereotypes etc., that exist in advertising and other paraphernalia), and the schoolwork I did this semester – I’m starting to read things into advertising that probably isn’t meant to be there. As Stuart Hall would term it, I’m performing a negotiated reading of the copy.

Argh, school nerd.

Anyhow, there’s an ad for the Cinnabon place in the mall I walk through on my way to work; it features a woman opening the door to a guest that’s handing over a box of Cinnabons as a greeting. In the background, there is a man and a young woman standing, laughing and chatting. The copy reads something about how “sharing is the point of the season” or something along those lines… my brain reads that and subverts it into something about how wifey is sharing hubby with the young lady in the background. Somehow I don’t picture cinnamon buns as being the snack of choice for a swinging party, but hey, you do need to get your blood sugar back up somehow. And I like cinnamon buns as much as the next person.

I’m getting really annoyed with telemarketers lately. I keep leaving the house late, so I wind up fielding the calls. One, they won’t listen when I tell them my folks aren’t interested in whatever they’re selling. I’m 22 years old; I think by now I know what my folks will or won’t go for, and it’s not gonna be a subscription to the Sun or donating to the police services fund (especially when you’re so damn insistent to talk to my dad that you’d rather call back at another time then tell me what it’s in regards to). Two, stop frigging calling so many times! If I turned down a subscription to the Sun last month, chances are I’m not gonna want one this month (okay, I exaggerate, but this is my site, so I can damn well say what I want). Three… argh. I’m actually really pissed off at the pushiness of some of these people, like the MBNA lady from yesterday. When I look back at it, I keep getting mad at myself for not having been more insistent that I didn’t need a credit card “just for emergencies.” I have one “just for emergencies.” Just ‘cause it gets used for other things doesn’t mean that it’s not there “just for emergencies.” Besides, the more credit cards I have, the higher in debt I can get myself and the worse off I am if my wallet gets stolen.

I’m really pissed at myself for having gone through the whole damn process. But I am glad that I didn’t give her my SIN number. I’m not that fucking retarded. I got back at her indirectly today when I ran roughshod over the Sun lady. “I’m so-and-so calling from the Sun.” “Thanks, but we get the Citizen and we’re not interesting in a subscription to the Sun.” “Oh, we don’t want you to give up your subscription to the Citizen [*cough* bullshit *cough*] … we just have a special promotion.” [interrupting] “Sorry, still not interested.” “Okay, thanks.”

I’m not rude to them, ‘cause it’s not in my habit, but I’m gonna start being that way. Like the one that called this morning at 10 in the morning looking for my mom. Argh! Cripes, if you can’t pronounce our last name, I can pretty much guarantee that we’re not interested in what you’re selling. It’s how we weed you out, you see.

The one that got me was the guy calling from the bank at regular intervals looking for my sister to make a “courtesy call.” Guess what, asswipe?! She’s going to school several provinces away! She’s not here! Y’know what? That’s why we got the damn loan for her! Argh!

I realize, they’re calling from call centres, they don’t know what they’re doing, but it still pisses me the fuck off. I haven’t done a ranty post in awhile, this is fun.

As well, the coworker is just a big ol’ damn bloody tool. He’s been back from vacation what, three days now, and today one of the nice guys here was complimenting my hair (I dyed it, you see ;), and he was saying that I was always dyeing my hair, and when would I be satisfied with my appearance? I said when I looked like him, and he stuck out his gut and rubbed it. Coworker started to say something, then stopped himself, laughing. Fine by me, like I want to hear what he has to say. It’s one thing to make snarky comments when you’re friends with someone, but it’s something else entirely when the waters are murky between you, as they are with him and I. What a tool.

In other rants… Santa has been in the local mall since November 16th. Is there a problem with this picture? Yes, yes there is. I heard Christmas music shortly thereafter, and the decorations were up before Hallowe’en. There is something wrong here. Store owners are all worried that consumers aren’t spending as much as they’d like? Here’s why – because we’re fucking sick of having Christmas pushed down our throats so fucking early! I’m sorry, but when I haven’t yet figured out what I’m going as for Hallowe’en, I’m not fucking thinking of what I’m buying my mom and dad for Christmas!

And holy hell the backlash over the removal of the term “Christmas” from everything! My mom was saying it’s because it’s people getting upset at the spirit that is Christmas being removed from the whole thing – Christmas is about people spending time with their families, etc., etc. I saw, forget the commercialization of the damn thing and take back the holiday. Reclaim it, make it what you want. If that means that you and your folks just have a nice dinner together, watch a video, no exchange of gifts, then by all means! It doesn’t have to be about presents (but yes, I’m as much of a consumer as the next person and I like gifts, too).

So, this rant seems to have gotten awfully long and lost a lot of its heat. Time to post it. Other than that… not much is new and exciting. Although apparently Shadow woke Dad up at some point ‘cause she was playing with one of her mouse toys in the bathtub and therefore bouncing off all the walls and thudding around. Hehehe. Y’know, I should’ve taken it as a Sign when tool played with Shadow and completely ignored Digger. Digger was snuggling with me this morning, it was nice; after the phone rang and woke us up, he moved from my feet (where he was sleeping) up to beside me for a pat, then went back to sleep when I did the same. What a cutie.

2002/12/10

And a Platinum MasterCard; that's so not going to go through. MBNA annoys me. I think they've sent me an application or tried to sign me up for a credit card once a year since I hit university. *grrr* I'll take pleasure in cutting up anything they send.

The lady on the phone was funny, though -- she kept telling me of how she approved of my program choice and how I must be a good daughter to my parents... that based on my mom's name, she could see where mine came from (which isn't how I got the name Jen, but what the hell), and then she found it really funny that I'd lived at the same address for basically my whole life. I mean, I'm not about to go into details for her, but yeah, I was born in another city, lived there a year, then moved here. I live at home, it's not like it's unusual... hell, there are plenty of people older than me who still do. Argh.

Ah well. Stupid solicitors. This is why I think I might just keep my cell when I move out, and maybe not bother getting a real phone. Either that, or start flaming places like MBNA, especially since, as a student, they just wasted 10 minutes of my studying time in the middle of exams (plus the time I spent writing up this entry). :)

"You have really sensitive nipples, don't you?" (said after I finish coming down from an arousal high from having my nipples played with)

"I was going to offer you a pillow."

"I was talking to Jen last night, and all that, and yeah, so... you and her?"

"I'm going to have to totally fuck you because apparently you have it, whatever it is."

"Wow, you can tell they didn't use this 'cause it looks really bad." (said about the CGI extras on the MIB II DVD that hadn't yet gone through post-production)

"I like seeing you like that."
"Like what?"
"Writhing."

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather it was with than you."

... Just a few funny/nice things people have said. Some of them made me laugh out loud. Some of them made me feel all gushy inside. They're all couched, however, to protect the innocent. I mean, the guilty. I mean, my friends. :)