learning to fly

Oct 12, 2008

I m back as I promised ..( Not very sure if anyone bothers about that any more ... ! ) within a month ... or two or three.. or a bit more . May be I m late.. better late than never .. :)

Only significant change that s happened , which has changed my life in last few months is that I got a braodband . Good bye to reliance data card... Only thing they were prompt about was in disconnecting within a day if bill was not paid ..( which happened to me all the time for various reasons) .

Ok.. As usual , I start my post keeping something in mind and am heading somewhere else. Now that I ve realised it , I ll try to stick to what I wanted to post .

Inspite of being a doctor , I ve not posted much on my professional experiences . Many times I ve thought about various incidences or experiences and wanted to post. But when I sit for it , I dont feel like , sometimes because I dont want to think and go through some of them again . They hurt . Sometimes , when I try to put down , I dont feel the same way I felt about them earlier. They dont hurt .. or may be ( read it as definately ) there are few things , to which I ve become immune as a doctor. I feel some of you may think I m very bad .. If so , let me know , just because I want to know.

I know , I m not a bad doctor . May not be the best one around too.. But I know my patients pain , problems they face during diagnosis, treatment and after that . I try beyond my level to make things better... . With time , I m becoming more understanding towards their needs. In turn , it has helped me improve too as a person . But at the same time , somewhere I learnt not to carry all these with me all the time ... I learnt that I must take the positive side of this profession , where I get to interact with so many people , get the joy of helping so many , and get to learn so much about medicine and life beyond it .. ( Plus make some money too ... in case anyone thinks I m working for free... I am not ) . I must not let the negative aspects of sufferings , depressoins , hopelessness affect me beyond a limit. If I carry all of that with me , it doesnt make anything better for anyone. There is only one life to live ..and to love . And we never know how much time we have .. or others have ...

I dont know how many ( of those few who read this ) can relate with me in this ..

One of my colleague recently got his sister to hospital, who was married 7 months ago. She was just 28 . What started as small pain in the abdomen and uneasiness was finally diagnosed as cancer in the stomach wall, which had spread to the ovaries , making it last stage cancer. She will die within a year .

Everyone was shocked. It s always disturbing to see such things or explain to someone the outcome of such conditions. It s a bit more disturbing when it happens to someone around u. This colleague is a very playful person , talkative and still child like. Suddenly in a matter of 3 days , his life changed forever. I hope he regains himself with time.

First person I felt bad for was her husband . Depending on how bonded he and she were in last 7 months of their marital life, I felt it could be a big blow to him.. or he might just get over it and remarry some time later. If you have ever loved someone , you ll know what I m talking about when I say , the partner is the one who will get affected most. May be otherwise too u might know ... depends on your mindset. I know many may not feel so. One of my colleague said, the good thing about the whole issue was that she did nt have any kids ... What nonsense..!!! What s good about anything in such matters? Everything is bad ... desperate condition . I think the person who made this comment has never loved anyone ..or may be he meant something else but he said it that way.

As I sit and type this , my philosophical side of mind knows what I m talking about. But my other side ( materialistic side ? ) is as always planning lot of things like tomorrow s lunch , Deepawali holidays , Hampi trip and so many more dreams .... ( Dont expect any post on these trips for next 6 months ....) . It has all plans for long life and lasting love .. because whatever said and done , hope for them is the key for happiness...

Today my brain is overflowing with lots of philosophical thoughts. I m forcibly putting an end to them , as I feel my brain needs some rest now ( likely to extend anywhere between 3 to 6 months..that makes it next year ? Happy new year in Advance to all of you ... ) .

Aug 15, 2007

Independence - 60

One great aspect of our country is thousands of years of glorious history . Anything about India , be it our independence , heritage , culture , any regional language , it has a great history behind . Our flag is no exception . Check out here ..

Jul 14, 2007

(Not so ) Histori Trip II

If anyone finds the above pictures interesting , they are encouraged to go further down . I was so fascinated by similar pictures many many years ago as a kid and wanted to go there , and fulfilled my dream recently.

As busy me ( u can read it as lazy me … But I really am not getting enough time to do what I want to …. ) has no time to pen down the details of my not so historic trip to Kodachadri , I thought of atleast putting some photos instead... ( and ended up with so much of details !! )

No words would suffice to describe the beauty of that place … And these pictures are not even half as beautiful as the place really is . Refreshing , nature at its best , exciting and lots more… which I suggest you all to visit and experience yourself ..

Kodachadri is a mountain peak in western Ghats , near temple town Kollur.( From Kollur , you can either hire a jeep , till Karekatte on Bangalore - Kollur Road. From here you can walk for 12 km to Ullur on mud road and start the trek up for around 6 kms . Other option is to go till Ullur by jeep for Rs 500 , and start the trek after a tea or bonda water ( tender coconut water ) at Kaka s Hotel . We chose the second option as we started from Kollur at 11 am on suday and wanted to reach the peak before sunset . One more option for lazy bums is to take jeep till mountain top ( 40 km roundabout journey )

There s no definite route to the peak. What looks like a way made by water stream during rains is the route taken for the trek . We carried lots of water, and bread and biscuits. Some of the members who strongly opposed carrying food items were the ones who ate most !!! Looking back , I think we should have carried some juices instead of food , as water was not enough to prevent dehydration. As it was during mid summer , we didn’t carry any heavy clothings . Just one extra dress.

It can not be called as a difficult trek, but it s tiring and strenuous. It s uphills all the way and is steep and slippery at places. Initial half of the trek was in the woods and the rest was in kind of an open place , where we walked on the edge of small peaks . If one falls from the edge , it s a feast for the tigers down in the forests ( Mookambika forest is protected and there are more than ten tigers and black panthers !! ) . View of the forest down , and many small and big peaks surrounding the valley is very beautiful .

After taking several breaks , we reached the top by 4 pm , just as had planned. The first house as you land there will be of nagesh bhatta s . There s facility ( ??? ) for stay and food.( stay Rs 25 per person , food will be around 20 rs ) After drinking some buttermilk in his place , seeing the place we decided against staying there in the night. We thought of staying at Sarvajna Peetha , which is again 2 km trek up to the peak. So we paid him 100 Rs and took some rice , Saambar, and water . Bhatta was too disappointed as we decided not to stay there.

After walking a bit further we realized our mistake , as we saw much cleaner house of one more bhatta ( cant remember his name ) and one PWD guest house.

We started our climb to sarvajna peetha,( 1840 feet from sea level ) where Shankaracharya had meditated way back in 8 th century.

The route is heavenly .. really !!! As we climbed uphill , we were literally surrounded by clouds and could nt see beyond few feet. We walked up on the narrow edge where it was difficult to concentrate on the route as we were lost enjoying the refreshing clouds. Once we reached the peak , all we could see or rather feel in all direction were clouds.

Walk in the cloulds !

As sun started to set , we were a bit disappointed as to we could nt see the sun setting in to Arabian sea at the horizon due to these clouds. But the colorful clouds , forming different shapes and layers everywhere was a visual treat anyways. We later learnt that in this season , one rarely gets to see the sunset .

We abandoned our plan to spend the night in the peak as we didn’t have enough water and food. Also rice and sambar given by bhatta had become inedible by then. we walked down to the PWD guest house to try our luck . And we were lucky … out of 2 rooms , one was vacant and we occupied it . It s a well maintained (except unwashed bed sheets which had turned brown and yellow and smelly too … ..yuckkkk ! ) big room , with 4 cots and a clean attatched bath room . We were served good hot dinner .

PWD guset house

Next early morning , after a good cup of tea , we climbed up the peak again and enjoyed the views without clouds.

View from PWD guest house

From the other side of the peak , we got down through a steep way to a place called chithramoola , which is a water source . There s a small rocky cave , and we saw a lady and a man , meditating there. This rock faces the open space towards Arabian sea .

From there, we returned to our guest house, had a good breakfast , and went to Agasthya theertha, which is a water source .There s always water trickling through the rocks , and forms a small pond near Bhatta s house. It was noon by then .We gave a quick visit to the temples there and started our way back .

Getting down was tougher than we thought it would be, as it was difficult to balance ourselves at places because of the slope.

Couple of our gang members (including me ) lost their way down for some time and all managed to reach kaka s shop by 3.30 pm . The jeep was ready for us there as we had called him from the guest house. After filling our stomach in kollur , we started to Maniapl with one of our friends parents who had come to visit Mookambika temple .

And our memorable trip ended with all of us parting in Manipal. Thanks to our new camera , we could at least capture the memories to some extent.

We were told that during Novemebr – February , the place is greener, cooler and one can see sun setting in the horizon of Arabian sea from the peak. So I m planning to go there again during that time just for that ... Anyone interested??? I will be your guide also .. !! Till ten enjoy maadi ..

Apr 16, 2007

Historic Trip I - Yana

As there is nothing new or interesting I m doing nowadays except my work ... I keep going back in time space every now and then , thinking of putting up a post in my blog (which is overdue ) on my Yana trip. ( one tag , tagged twice is also pending ..will have to do next ) So here it is…

If you haven’t heard , what /where Yana is, it s a remote place in the heart of forests of Western ghats. Nearest town from here is Kumta ( around 30 km , Karwar District ). It is known for some natural rock formations and caves.One has to have determination , love for nature to enjoy this place. If not , better not visit this place !!

It was more than a year ago , probably in October 2005 our ( historic !!! ) trip started to yana on a sunny day . Thanks to some lazy souls , who got up only at 8 am and we left manipal at 9.30. The journey was not so good ( rather was bad ) as condition of NH 17 we traveled was at its worst . But it was compensated by beautiful views all the way to Yana. Maravanthe Beach near Kundapura

River Haladi near Kundapura

It was my second trip there. So I was the guide this time. Earlier an year ago , I had been there on bike, and we went upto the foothills that time. This time was different though. We went in 2 cars . As it was still rainy season , after getting into the interior mud road to Yana , we were unable to drive further. Before this point we saw some isolated houses, one tea shop and couple of bikes returning. It was past noon by then. We decided to start walking . I was not sure how far is the walk. Very soon , one by one our group members got tired and only 4 of us were walking. Other 5 went back and slept in the car ! lazy souls ...

Our walk started here

To make things more exciting and challenging ( those who backed out will not agree with this ) it started raining heavily. If you have ever seen the rains in ghats , you will know what I mean by heavy rains. Within no time we were drenched fully. And soon muddy too ! We didn’t encounter a single person till we reached the foothills. To be frank , i was feeling a bit eerrie throughout :)

Just before the pouring started !

The brave four ... ( taken while returning )

Atlast , after around 6 or 7 km , suddenly at a turn we were at the foothills and facing tall rock peaks. The view is breathtaking. One can not imagine or explain it . You have to see to believe it . The tallest peak is called Bhairaveshwara shikhara, and stands 120 meters high. Next one is called Mohini shikhara. This was supposed to be the the place where Lord Vishnu made Demon Bhasmasura turn into ashes.There is a small temple and a water stream at the foothills. We climbed up the stairs , going into the cave between the rocks, came out from the other end of cave. Except pujary of the temple , whole place was deserted .

Rock peak I

Rock peak II

Rains had stopped by then and it was getting darker. With this background and sounds from wild increasing , the place had started looking mysterious and scary. With no delay , we started walking back. It took less time now to walk or probably we felt so because we knew the distance , and it had stopped raining. Our friends were waiting for us in the cars and needless to add here they were extremely bored . We had planned to go to beach on the way back. Though we couldn’t go to beach , the extra clothes we carried were of help. We had to get rid of blood sucking leeches from our feet and legs also.

It was 8 pm when we started , and we had dinner at Kumta. I don’t have to mention here that we all HOGGED !! After that all I remember is sitting in the car and getting up in Manipal !!! The bad roads ,rains , my friends rash driving , nothing disturbed the sleep.

Overall it was a memorable trip ….trek in heavy rains , the place ,the arguments we had whether to return midway or walk … Due to rains , we could nt capture many photos , still my friend managed to take few.

Today after more than a year , most of us have left manipal , and we dont know if we ll ever meet again . I m glad I have the memories of those times in these photos and in this blog. I want them to read and refresh their memories in this blog whenever they want to ......ofcourse others too are welcome .

So till I get back with details of our other historic trips, you all have a great time and enjoy maadi. Knowing my frequency of updatin my blog , that gives you a month or two :)

( p.s. I prepared this draft almost a month ago ..but couldnt publish it , as i could nt upload the snaps properly.Irrespective of wherever I tried to put them , they were getting uploaded before the begining of text.. So this time , I uploaded the snaps first , and added the text in between . Took a long time to complete it . Can anyone help me with this ? )

Feb 3, 2007

All is right !!

Before I got lost getting frustrated with busy life in bangalore , I woke up ...

What I am trying to say here is , with everyday spending more than an hour in travelling , working more than earlier days... and sleeping a lot lesser ( or is it getting up early ! ? ) than ever had made me mad for many days ... To make things worse I found myself in a mess with my closest relations too ...

I think when we start thinking negative on one aspect of our life, every other thing start going in the same way !! And I was doing just that ... What was the precipitating factor I dont know ..but atlast evrything was interrelated ... and nothing was going right ....

How and when I realised that it s not doing any good to me , I dont know . But I did ..... and it feels great to know it and come out of it !!!! At the end of it , I feel better, stronger , and more stable ..

Everything looks so easy , simple as long as it s not happening with us. And we take it for granted that some things never happen in our life. But once things change , and everyone around us behave differently towards us , whole perception of life changes. That s where we go wrong .Thats where I went wrong.

Keeping the same spirit , being able to enjoy the gifts of life as before is the trick to face the changes . I realised it slowly , and I m so glad to realise it . And now even i try to put down what thoughts had come to me when i was down , my mind is not allowing me for it . That s positivity ..i think :) .

Anyways ,I just wanted to get back to blogging ... though not with all these weird thoughts of mine . But as i said earlier, cant force any better thoughts now to put down here . Hopefully will get back soon with some sensible thoughts . Infact i wanted to post on my last years trips with my friends .... may be next post will be on that. Exclusively for my friends .... Till then enjoy maadi .. :)

Nov 12, 2006

I m alive !!!!!

It s more than a month I put down my sane and insane thoughts here. Not that I was too busy getting myself adjusted in new place. I just didn’t have enough time on the net to do so. I missed reading other blogs, commenting, and updating my blog. Many a times during these days of uncertainties, I ve felt like putting down my thoughts to feel better. But now when I start to type,, they are refusing to come out of me..... They want not to be exposed... Atleast for the time being... and I too feel that some thoughts and memories are better left hidden... some of the things are never going to change anyways ... so better to leave them as they are ... ...

Anyways before I get into more insane thoughts and get carried away , I better put down some thoughts which are ready to come out of me ...and spare you all from more mental trauma .....So how about my observations on some of the peculiar things about Bangalore? .... You are free to comment if you don’t agree with them...

1.There are no cats in Bangalore (back in Manipal, I had them as pets, 3 of them ... and may be because I miss them, this was my first observation. I guess it s because there is no enough place for them )

2.Auto rickshaws are not for public help, but it s vise versa. ( If I happen to leave hospital after 8 pm , the auto drivers are never ready to come to my place , they ll come only to majestic ... )

3.Walking on the footpaths is dangerous to life. ( Time is so precious you see, many bikers not wanting to waste time in the signals , go right on the footpath to go ahead . Government should implement law for compulsory helmets for people walking also )

4.Some of the city busses are pink. I had heard and read about them before, and now I saw them too. For obvious reasons, I feel they should start pink autos, pink drivers, and even pink roads, where it ll be so cool to walk around without keeping an eye around.

5.It is no more a garden city according to me. I saw few big trees here and there, that s all . The gardens on the roadsides seemed less green and dry.

6.Kannadigas are an epitome of tolerance ... :) I better not explain this more. May be I shouldn’t put this point... Anyways I ve already put it.

7.It s common not to even know your next door neibour... ( ..May be it s better not to know them at times!!! )

Whatever it is, with a very short duration of time spent in Bangalore, I enjoyed watching 2 movies every week, that too in theatres. My poor eyes and ears had almost forgotten the effect of big screen and sound systems. Now they will serve me better for this favour... though the couple of movies which are remakes could have been better avoided.

Well... As I m going back to Bangalore tomorrow, I know I wont be on the net again for few weeks. I ll again be lost with myself , my work , my thoughts ..And my lot of other things..... Don’t know for how long. (Insane thoughts start to come up again .... indication to conclude ...)

Sep 28, 2006

Heart says so ....new begining

Last few weeks have been a bit lazy also busy at the same time. Lazy because I really did nothing much ..otherthan routine hospital work . Busy because I still dint have enough time to post in my blog , check my mail or orkut ( which is blocked anyways in our hospital server for long time now !!!! ) or did nt do lot of other things which have to be done before I get my relieving order from here… yes … after having made up my mind to go with what my heart says , I finally put my resignation papers . And now all set to go from here (Yet to clean up my chamber, cup boards, and throw away some things, give away some things, ...) , I ve been busy making a list of things to do before leaving …..people whom I want to meet and say Bye …. Things to be sorted out …etc etc etc …..

It s tough leaving a place where you feel at home and feel comfortable. More over, after growing up in a small village and town , and staying in manipal for last few years which is also a very beautiful place to live in , the feeling of shifting to a city like Bangalore, which I feel is overcrowded , and a concrete jungle in most of the parts is not very exciting to me . And the traffic sucks there.

Humhhhh… where will I get to hear birds when I get up in the morning …what will happen to my cute cats waiting for me to get up in the morning and also my returning in the evening to feed them …. How often can I go Home to see my parents and cousins …. Will I ever be confident to take my activa on Bangalore roads ….? Am I doing a mistake by quitting and going for a lesser salary? How will be my new place? I ll miss going home on weekends , my hospital , my professors , colleagues , friends and patients there ….. and my laptop which I have to return tomorrow .. .. What will happen to my blog ? Will I ever post again ? ….Right now my brain is overfilled with questions and doubts on everything…. Where will I be staying in Bangalore ? I have some dislikes towards houses which don’t have trees around.. especially atleast few coconut trees around ….without gardens , well, some pets …. ( May be because at home , we have so many trees, coconut, mango , papaya , sapota … guava, cashew etc , plus 4 wells , 5 dogs, n number of cats , few cows , my mother s garden full of flowering plants …at times some wild animals and birds too …. ) Will I get a peaceful surrounding atleatst to sleep whenever I want to …. ???? Time will answer all of them , soon .

Anyways, otherthan anything, I strongly dislike traffic and extreme cold in winters… ooofffff…. I cant move during winters there . So I staying somewhere near to my hospital in Bangalore should solve the traffic problem to some extent …( still unlike Manipal , reaching hospital in 4 and a half minutes is impossible I guess …. Will have to sacrifice my sleep *@#* … ) …and as far as cold weather is concerned ..I have no idea what I can do other than waiting for summer ..... Why do I have such strong likes or dislikes towards few things ……… Wish I was more adaptive and just adjust … Or may be not adaptive at all and just reject what I don’t want to do and come out of it …( I remember Ajeya s recent post on human nature of adapting for the sake of it . It just is nt our true nature I feel … ) .

However , as it s too early to break my head all those aspects , I m enjoying last few days here….attending farewell parties ,outings with friends etc….. Will miss lot of things , but I m trying to accept that I have to go . I m learning to get ready to face the unknown. Changes are inevitable, good or bad. Hope for better is what excites me to take this new road. Faith in myself is what tells me to go ahead. Rest is not in my hand ( I believe in destiny ……which is beyond human attempts ) As I said earlier , time will answer.

The funniest part of this whole post is , at the end of it I m finding this whole post silly. The thoughts which come across the mind are millions, and only few hundred thoughts are remembered after they fade . And after typing so much, I just don’t want to delete these thoughts. I m really lazy to edit them again ….. I don’t know what you could perceive out of it … To take life as it comes is what I want to do ……That s it …simple… is nt it ???