Michael Korb explores the flirty, funny and sometimes frightening world of dating in Southwest Florida

Chronic Single Fatigue Syndrome

Michael Korb

We know you're tired of sitting alone on the couch. You don't have to tell us again, thanks.

If you are single and desperately looking for love, there is a very good possibility that you suffer from something called “Chronic Single Fatigue Syndrome,” whose symptoms include regular purchasing of self-help books and the constant discussion of what went wrong with your last relationship. The “chronic single” part is totally on you, while the “fatigue” part is suffered by your friends, acquaintances and strangers you meet at the beach who’ve made the mistake of chatting with you. They all want you to find someone fast so they can stop hearing about your problems.

But as we were trying to find new ways to inspire you toward the love of your life, we ran across the headline “How to Tell if Your Adrenals Are Fatigued” and thought “You can’t find love with fatigued adrenals, that’s for sure.” Then we thought, “That’s not true, you might meet a nice doctor.” And so, we went off to last week’s Gulfshore Life’s Top Doctors event at the Waldorf Astoria, where we learned that it take a special kind of person to go out with someone who shows up to their first date with a pocket full of tongue depressors and a half-written script for Valtrex.

We also learned that it is a myth that doctors date nurses primarily. “It’s frowned upon,” offered one male doctor, whom we’ll call Dr. No. “So if you do it, keep it quiet.” That sounds about right to us, but then again our judgment has been off ever since we became hyper concerned about our adrenals. Thank goodness Miss X still has her wits about her.

The Chronicles of Miss X: “A musician from an online site started talking to me last night. We like the same kind of music and he invited me to come hear him play…both out at a venue and for a ‘private show.’ He told me that I’m beautiful and that he wants to pamper me. Hmmm. I suggested we see if we can get through a conversation first. I told him that I can’t stand the messaging back and forth thing, so he invited me over for a chat--he will play guitar for me, then we can hit his hot tub. ‘Oh boy, does that work?’ I asked. So, I tell him the first rule of internet dating is that public places are required for first meetings. So he offers up the hot tub for our second meeting. ‘The second rule of internet dating is that you keep following the first rule until you’ve met a few times and have conducted a Google search.’ I advised him that they make movies about people that don’t follow the rules: those movies usually involve half nude girls running around in the dark screaming their heads off and doing stupid things like opening cellar doors because they heard a noise. He liked the half naked girl part but prefers them to be ‘relaxing, cuddling, and resting their head’ on his chest over the running around screaming. He then made the observation that I could be a serial killer and take him all for myself. I said ‘Exactly…I could be a serial killer…which is why it’s important that we follow the rules of internet dating.’ He stopped talking to me after that.”