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How can I get my baby on a schedule?

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My 4-month-old still isn't on an eating or sleeping schedule -- and it's driving me crazy. The only thing he does the same every day is wake up and take a bottle and bath. How can I help him develop more of a day-to-day routine?

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As a mother of two, using the Babywise methods, I really thought that my third baby would just fit right in and have it installed in him when delivered. He is 3 and a half weeks now and waking me up twice a night. This was driving me crazy. I realize now that my son was not born with the Babywise method built in and I need to be more patient. It was nice to know that I am not alone in the routine thing and that he will learn eventually. Just be PATIENT!

I am amazed at the mother who says her three and a half week baby isn't sleeping through the night yet and and is using babywise to to try to make this happen. Surely there is a mistake here with the age? A three and a half week baby NEEDS tobe fed at night! Your baby's tiny tummy and developing body and brain need the food at this age. Please feed her; she is too young to be made to go all night without at this stage. She may just begin to sleep through sometime from 6 weeks on her own if she gets plenty of good feeds in the day and is growing well, but is too young to withhold those night feeds yet. It will get easier later.

Regarding the parents who subscribe to Babywise training, take the time to educate yourselves onthe methods you use on your babies. Visit www.ezzo.info. Look at the article "How Ezzo's Child-Rearing Philosophy Impacts Psychosocial and Physical Development" - it will let you know a lot of his background as well as how his ideas conflict with the American Academy of Pediatrics.
The cover of On Becoming books states his authorship: Gary Ezzo, M.A. However, he has only earned a high school diploma and masters of arts in ministry for persons who get life-experience credit (Aney, 2001). Ezzo once claimed to have a business degree from Mohawk Community College, and in that claim stated a major and grade point average. The school says he never graduated.
Highly educated people have believed they were following Ezzo's feeding program to the letter and their children have been hospitalized for dehydration and failure to thrive.
His methods may prove to be a quick-fix and give parents an easier time, but you should be aware of what long-term effects and conflicts this method (and the Baby Whisperer) has.
On a personal note, I have heard the American Academy of Pediatrics (an organization of 53,000 Pediatrics) may release a warning against the principles of the Babywise and Baby Whisperer books.

Like some of the other comments, I will agree that the book "Babywise" saved my life with my now 4 year old. She was 5 weeks old when I started her out on the routine and she slept through the night by week 8. I have a 2 week old boy that I just started on this routine and instead of feeling like a frazzled mom, I feel in control of what happens throughout the day. He eats every 3 hours and goes down for a nap with no complaints.

I am a first time mom and my son is 7 weeks old. He never really took naps during the day and was very fussy all the time. My pediatrician suggested reading Baby Wise and it has been a lifesaver! I figured babies will sleep when they are tired but my son needed guidance. So I made a consistant effort each day, to put him down for aprox 3-4 naps. If that meant swaddling him and rocking him for a little bit or playing music thats what I did. He is like a totally different baby now! The poor little guy was just overstimulated and tired. As for nights, he is waking up once to feed. I still havent gotten the sleeping through the night down yet. I have faith it will happen eventually.

I must add that with both my kids, there was never a pattern to count on till after about 4 or 5 months. Before that, sleep when you can, take shifts with someone else to do the childcare, and just wait it out. It is much easier when they gain some weight and can eat more at a time. Also, any blips after 6 months or so--teething, increasing mobility etc--don't require you to put aside routine, whereas when they are newborns, you cannot expect them to sleep through the immediacy of their needs. The techniques laid out in all the baby books are fine, but firmness and discipline are lost on a newborn, and they work better on older babies.

I cannot imagine leaving my baby to cry. He's 3 months old and began sleeping through the night some nights a couple weeks ago. Some nights he wakes up for feeding. He wakes up because he is hungry and I will not deny him food. I feed him & go back to bed & i get up and go to work the next day. Sure, some days i'm tired but it doesnt last forever. With my older son, when he was about 8 months old and just didnt want to sleep & he cried, i did let him "cry it out" but i knew he wasnt hungry & his diaper was dry & he wasnt sick. I go in & comfort him & make him lay down then when he was drowsy i'd leave again. It only took a few nights. And kids go through cycles they'll sleep well for a while then go through periods of crying out. With kids you have to just roll with it. Besides before we know it they'll be going off to college anyway. They're only babies a short time so enjoy it. I was so obsessed w/ schedule and getting my oldest son to sleep through the night that I didnt enjoy him.

I love Babywise and used it with my kids. My 8 month old slept through the night at 6 weeks on his own without me pushing anything. I think the eat/play/sleep routine is so helpful to them. I agree that some parents can take the book literally, but each baby is different and you have to use Babywise where it fits in your life. It says 3-4 hour schedules, but there were times where my newborn only made it for 1 1/2 hours. It is okay. Take the eat/play/sleep routine and use it in your life how you can. I really loved BABYWISE 2! It is really great and recommend that as well! It discuesses discipline and uses the playpen for indepedent play time and talked about highchair behavior. They talk alot about "Train, don't retrain," and I really respect that. Both books helped me greatly!

I heartily second the comments about baby's routine vs. parents' routine. Watch your baby, meet his/her needs, and forget the selfishness of forcing the routine you want on baby.
I CRINGE and feel sick to my heart when I read the supporters of Babywise saying they have their tiny babies sleeping through the night. New babies NEED to eat every few hours. If they are waking and crying out for you, how can you possibly ignore them? If you weren't willing to make changes in your life, why didn't you get a houseplant?? Do you know babies end up in the ER (or worse) with failure to thrive if you deny them the care they need? Eventually babies will give up, and shut down completely if they realize their needs are not going to be met. And yes, some even DIE.
Please, please be there for your child. It is not forever -- they do learn to sleep on their own eventually when they are physically and emotionally mature enough to do so. My oldest did, even though I went to him every time he "called" for me. My second son is 10 mos now, and I cannot imagine leaving him to suffer just so that I could get some sleep.

Hi Megan and others,
As one of the anonymous people have stated, babies do have a schedule that they follow. In fact, if you do as she has done by tracking what time your baby does things, you will probably find that your baby is on a schedule, just not on your schedule.
The dilemma many of us face when raising our infants, is trying to fit them into our schedules and as you are painfully learning, that doesn't always work.
Before you give up entirely on your baby getting on "a schedule", why don't you try changing your perception of what is actually taking place between you and your baby.
Instead of seeing this as a conflict or something that is driving you cazy, try to understand that the two of you are embarking on a journey to get to know one another, to learn one another's likes and dislikes, and also to learn what your preferred routines are. It is not that you alone need to learn what your baby wants, likes, and dislikes, you baby must also learn these things about you and all the other family members, (your baby is the new person, entering an already established family unit).
Once you change the way you perceive what is taking place, it becomes much easier to deal with. Plus, here are a few tips that may help you out:
1. Try to get baby up early in the morning (if he doesn't already wake early). The earlier your baby gets his day started, the easier it will be to get him to bed at night.
2. Try to keep daytime routines and activities as pleasant and peaceful as possible. An upset/cranky baby will have a very difficult time sleeping through the night.
3. Make sure you have established consistent nap times. I know this sounds a bit weird, but if you want your baby to remain happy and healthy, they need to get plenty of rest, both during the day and at night. For your own sanity, try to plan these nap times during the day for times when you could use a break (or a nap) as well. However, do not let the nap time go beyond 6 or 6:30pm if you can help it, as this begins to cut into nighttime sleep.
4. If you are breastfeeding your baby, feed baby whenever baby requests to be fed. (Breastmilk is completely digested in 1 hour and 45 minutes, so often breastfed babies will nurse every 30-45 minutes in the beginning and every 1-2 hours once they establish their routines). If you are bottle feeding, make sure to develop a consistent feeding schedule. If baby is hungry or having digestive problems from an interrupted feeding schedule, then baby will be difficult to comfort and probably will not sleep very well.
5. Go to your baby as soon as possible when baby cries. I know that this sounds like you will "spoil" him/her but in reality by doing this, you will teach your baby that you are there when he/she needs you and in the long run your baby will cry and fuss a LOT less because he will not feel that he needs to cry or fuss. He will know that you are going to be there. This will also build trust in your baby that his/her needs are best met by you and therefore future attempts to make changes in the way routines are to be carried out will be met with less anxiety on your baby's part.
6. The last piece of advice I can share with you is to develop a calming "evening/bedtime routine". This should include a snack, something to drink, a bath time routine (bath, brushing teeth/gums, lotion/massage, etc.), and some quiet time (reading a book, listening to music, watching a carrosel together, etc.). This will enable your baby to make the transition from the busy daytime schedule to a calm nighttime schedule. My kids all have bedtime routines and I do not know what I would have done without them when they were infants. :-}
I hope some of this advice helps, and please feel free to email me if you need some more tips and resources. Hmstone2003@yahoo.com
Have a good evening and enjoy your bundle of joy!
Marissa

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