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2016: A Sneak Peek

(not a motorcycle)

2016 promises to be the best moto year yet. We don’t have full details yet, but here is a sneak peek at what 2016 will offer:

2016 will be 12lbs. lighter than 2015 and have 15% more torque – that’s more grunt and go than any year this decade. To manage that power, this year will also have improved brakes and upgraded suspension. Combined with better ground clearance and a higher-revving mill, 2016 looks to be a hell of a ride.

For optimal handling, 2016 will have three centers of gravity: one low, one high, and one “floating” CG that will be continuously controlled by the onboard computer. The rider can select between four modes for the floating center of gravity: “Cruising,” “Bopping,” “Hooning,” and “Flay.” It will also feature the first on-the-fly adjustable wheelbase, which will let you convert from a cruiser to a sport-naked with just the touch of seven buttons.

The riding position has been redesigned by Swedish furniture craftsmen, and the “rider’s triangle” has been upgraded to a “rider’s pentagon” with the addition of knee and elbow pegs. The passenger handlebars are also a bold new touch.

2016’s ride-by-helmet interface will provide direct input from the rider’s brain to the onboard computer. You just have to remember to think in Russian. Rider’s thoughts will become property of the manufacturer under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and may not be reproduced by the rider.

This year will be available in seven all-new special edition paint schemes, including three with flames. Actual flames. Be careful. There will also be a Dead Celebrity special edition, but it has not yet been announced which dead celebrity it will be. We are hoping for Harpo Marx.

For styling, 2016 has definitely gone the naked neo-retro-chopper/bobber-scrambler-tracker-hillclimb-wall-of-death route. The styling says, “heritage,” but also says, “what the hell am I doing?”

Optional features include a chrome seat and calfskin gas tank, fully opaque windscreen, carbon-fiber tires, and right-side kickstand. The ultimate add-on for 2016 will be the dual side cars, which are mounted on both sides of the machine for that P-38 look. Little decorative propellers for the noses of the sidecars are also available.

Will 2016 be the ultimate ride? With so much innovation, there will certainly be some bugs to work out, but we think this years looks like it will be a real blast and we can’t wait to get it on the street.