Thursday, August 02, 2007

I Wish I Had A Moose. I'd Name Him Dr. Seuss. And Turn Him Loose With My Goose To Cause Terror On A Caboose.

I'd like to welcome you to a very special edition of The Smiling Infidel! It's tailor-made to cater to the easy-reading needs of your inner pre-schooler. I've got rhymes! No big words! And pictures! Lots of pretty pictures! In color!

On Saturday, as my truck got severely hit and folded like a MAP, I felt my tender red neck SNAP and I still sort of feel like......

Says I, this is teh SUCK! Only 18 more payments until I own my beloved Infidel TRUCK! Those dreams vanished with the WTF? hit-and-run chick gone AMOK. (It does rhyme. Quit picking on me)Wow, what LUCK, Progressive insurance paid off my old TRUCK and I still managed to make a decent BUCK! So, I immediately set forth to buy a new.....(Oddly enough, both these pictures detail the same color and style as my before and after Infidel trucks)Did I take my new truck to go SHIRK and LURK with Captain KIRK while eating Jamaican JERK? No! I went immediately to WORK! (I have never in my life sung and danced while throwing papers. I do have a Cabbie Cap like the Newsies boys do, though.)Sometimes I just want to POUT as I throw my paper ROUTE (II need my truck to work. I need to work to pay for my truck.*sigh*) I'm dorky like URKEL and hopelessly trapped in a.........Like a Donut that needs DUNKIN and a Bronco that's BUCKIN, still I continue to....Well, I do keep on truckin, except on that fateful day that was CRUMMY, when a girl who's downright SCUMMY made me into a real live .......I'm going to break in my new truck just like a Smiling Infidel SHOULD- by only putting on high heels and my State Farting Champion T-shirt and rolling around on the HOOD. Be cool like me? Coked-up, man-beating, OJ-dating Tawny, only wishes she COULD!

My hubby had a Ford pick up that he very much loved. Last summer, after sitting in the parking lot, at his work...it caught on fire and burned to the ground:( It shorted out or something, strange. We give "mean eyes" to all Ford trucks now.

Oh- and you made my day with Christian Bale's pic from "Newsies." My lil sister and I used to dance and dance to that movie. I'd rewind the kiss at the end and just say "He looks like such a strong kisser. Yummy."

You've done it AGAIN...you made me GRIN! I'm so AMUSED...not at all CONFUSED! I'd like to NAP...in the field of CRAP! Think you can FART? Well it's my ART! I love the NEWSIES...your pictures are DOOZY'S! Don't get any MUCK...on that new TRUCK! I'm not a POET...and we all KNOW IT!

Hey when you do that high heeling rolling on the hood thing have Papi film it. it would go great on utube.yeah I wanted to do that on my camry but it just didn't seem right somehow, camry's just aren't kick ash enough

ps. I know you're not millie. But I couldn't do infidel, infidel, fo finfidel....see how that doesn't really work? But 'lastic, 'lastic, fo' fantastic....now THAT works!!But I didn't think of that til later.

But I must take issue with something: it wasn't really my Inner Seuss that you touched...I think it was my Inner Eminem. I didn't even know I had that.

Excuse me while I try to warm up my beatbox and read your post again...thbbt,bbt,bbt,thbbt,bbt..ttt...No, all I'm gettin' is a bunch of spit, but I swear this post would make a good rap. Er, or a bad rap. Um, I must go before another bad pun tries to sneak out.

When my daughter was little she would mispronounce truck with an f. So I won't judge you.

I also I think you missed your rapstar calling...I present to you "I'm dorky like Urkel, stuck in a vicious circle." That is rapping gold girl. Of course I know very little about rap music, but I could envision that with a beat.

nikko- Well, there are dull moments. But I don't think anyone really wants to know about the times I scratch my butt and de-lint my shirts after washing them with a Kleenex in my pocket.

kimberly- NCS and I must use the same search terms because I run across her discoveries fairly often. One day, if I have more kids, I want to assemble them into a CRAP formation, too. Maybe I can convince everyone at the next family reunion?

jams- I've had good luck with my Ford trucks. No comment on Papi's Ford Focus that lost a battle with an armadillo crossing the road. The armadillo lived, Papi's fender didn't.

carronin- "I'm thrilled you had a happy ending after your rear ending"Sounds like a new line of gay greeting cards.

rhonda- Yes. Pre-Nicole. Pre-Beating The Crap Out Of Chuck Finley. Pre-Looking Like An Old Hag.

NCS- I am Teh Awesome when I talk about things that are Teh Suck!

compulsive- My neck is still red. Yes, I'm a redneck.

aubrey- I only wear it on days when my scalp flakiness is at an all time high. I wonder if thats why the Newsies boys wore them? I love Christian Bale....even if he has dandruff. MMMM, Christian Bale dandruff....

millie- And that's why you should stop by my blog FIRST and make me top priority while your brain is fresh and acute! Maybe you're tired because you broke your foot?