That pretty much sums up what happened at BHH yesterday.You people, why are u all friggin snobbing BHH? Rebbecca mus be turning in her grave seeing all of you stuck up snobs snubbing her show. Whooooops! Somebody just whispered that Rebecca is indeed still very much alive and can I please stop writing people’s Orbits before doing my research. Well anyway, the thing is that the turn up at BHH gets appalling by the month.

The show’s supposed to start at 6pm but when I arrived at 8pm to make my grand entrance, I was shocked to find that I would be on the welcoming committee instead with Ivan, Daniel and good ol Erique looking every bit the mean person he truly is. Nuh, on the real tho, that angelic smile he wears makes you almost want to be friends with him.

Anyway, as is always the case when a newbie meets me, shock and awe emotions were emitted yesterday. According to Daniel, of streetsyder Antipop was not at all what he expected!

"I expected somebody beautiful”At which point I said, huh? Wondering whether I had indeed heard correctly. Then he made amends thus"You know, I thought she’d look like what she writes like. You know, tall, slender, hot, stylish…"I was torn between burying my head in shame and well, burying my whole body in shame. He seemed like a nice fellow though

Ivan stole my money. Even Dante. But Dante gave it back, Ivan donated some of it to a street child which might have been a sweet gesture had he not robbed from me.

The Muzungu and Rev joined us later and the rest of my evening was spent chatting to and trying to understand what Detamble the muzungu in question was really saying. It is tough being an African I tell ya.

I hear Solomon King dropped by. And sleek. I would like to say they were fun and smart and etc but I lost my mojo for telling lies. Must be those honest scrap thingies going around.

Dusk was a pleasant sight when she waltzed in towering over me in her fancy heels and all making me feel short even when I know better. Was lovely seeing you girl.What happened to the rest of y’all? Why are u guys constantly absconding from BHH? Anybody has any ideas on how we can get the numbers up? Prizes maybe?

So anyway, after Erique and the internet babe had been chatting incessantly on the internets, he decided he could not wait to meet with her, and asked her out on a lunch date. On the day of the date, Erique dressed to impress and our Paparazzi was there to get the shots.

The place where Erique directed internet babe to find him for the lunch date.

Erique striking his best 50cent pose for our snappers in a bid to impress D no end

That is Erique looking nervous not quite sure what to say now he has met internet babe

Erique excusing himself to go before he pees his pants on realising that internet babe is actually hotter than in his wildest dreams. And he does have wild dreams. Behind him is our other snoop who has been masquerading as a receptionist at Erique's workplace for the duration of this assignment. She reported that she had never seen Erique as jittery as he has been lately.

Right after the romantic lunch that was made up of Kikomando and mineral water in Kaveera for kikumi. As you can see in that picture, he can't wait to wrap up the interview to go and relieve Kikomando logged intestines.

And this is internet babeWe wish Erique all the happiness in his impending nuptials. Over to you Erique

Erique hooks internet babeNews reaching our desk is that Erique (of rentedmess) has been cavorting with a hot internet chic only identified as D. The lady in question has even changed er Facebook Relationship status from "Its complicated" to "Over the moon, I have finally found somebody to marry me."

We hear an internet bun is already in the oven and that Erique is a mess over the usually joyful news. We wish their cyber marriage nothing but the bestKeep your eyes open for more juicy revelationsThis news comes courtesy of Your friends at Tabloid.com