Mutual Pleasuring, Period Love And More

Advice On Mutual Masturbation, Bare Vaginas & More

Coming conundrum

Dear Dr. Chaves,

So I love to come all over my girlfriend (she loves it too). Sometimes, I do it on her face, body and on her vagina. Can she get pregnant from me coming on the outside of her vagina? When we have sex, we don’t use condoms or pills — but I pull out.

Jason H., Kansas City, MO

Your sperm is tougher than you think and anything’s possible, but pregnancy in this manner is rare. Sperm can live both inside and outside the body, and how long depends on things like the temperature, acidity, environment, and moisture. Whether a sperm's life span is counted in minutes or hours, ejaculating near the vaginal opening can set the table for sperm to sneak inside the vagina. After that, it’s up to nature’s miracles and strong swimming.

Other slightly risky pregnancy scenarios include semen on the fingers and on sex toys that are inserted into the vagina after an ejaculation. I’d also be concerned about using the withdrawal method and pre-cum. Most studies estimate the pull-out method is about 75%-95% effective depending on how well people do it, and pre-cum can have leftover sperm from previous ejaculations. My advice, to be on the safe side, is to stay away from the vulva/vagina and stick to the body and face for semen target practice.

jerk off jitters

Hey Doc,

I had a girl ask me to jerk off for her when we were hooking up. She was really demanding in bed and told me to do a lot of things. Well, so I did start jerking off for her, but lost my erection while doing it. I was really turned on throughout everything, but I don’t have the slightest clue as to why I lost it. I get hard just fine by myself. I was really embarrassed. What do you think happened?

Matt G., New York City, NY

The first thing to do is relax and take a deep breath. Losing an erection here and there is a normal part of life for men. It’s happened to almost all of us, some more frequently than others. No need to panic, as panic may have been the culprit. It sounds like her request of masturbating either created some anxiety for you, was a complete turnoff or triggered some defiance to her directing you. Which one was it? You’d be surprised how many women enjoy watching a guy masturbate. How could you blame them? Don’t you like watching a girl touch herself? Sometimes we need to get to know our partners better to expand our sexual boundaries. If you’re nervous, it might be helpful to talk about it, have her masturbate in front of you or masturbate simultaneously to ease tension. Maybe going back and forth from a hand job/blow job to masturbating in front of her can help reduce anxiety and help keep the erection. No matter what, keep things light and fun and don’t replay the lost erection event in your mind.

period penetration

Dr. Chaves,

What are your thoughts on sex when a woman’s on her period? My boyfriend and I haven’t tried it, but are thinking about it. Is it bad or good?

Krista W., Columbus, OH

It’s anything you want it to be. Having menstrual sex can be embarrassing and uncomfortable for many people. In some societies, they even place the females in separate menstrual areas. However, if people can get past the cultural and ew factors, there are a number of positives to sex during menstruation. Women often describe feeling increased arousal during menstruation, which can be a good libido booster. It’s also a wonderful way for many women to reduce menstrual cramping and pelvic pain as orgasmic contractions help reduce prostaglandin hormones, which are linked to cramping. Men and women often state that there is an added lubricated feeling inside the vagina too.

As a sexologist, I try to encourage people to fight the obstacles in your sex life; work, children, lack of time, and in this case, a menstrual cycle. If she has a six-day period and you refrain from sex, that’s 20% of a 30-day month! If you choose to try this, remember: menstrual fluid can transmit STIs (use condoms); miracle pregnancies can occur (rare); shower beforehand to help reduce the cleanliness anxiety; think ahead and lay a towel down beneath you; take things slow; and be prepared for some menstrual residue. In case you have Anchorman anxiety, studies show that bears aren’t attracted to menstrual scent — well, except polar bears. So be careful trying this while camping in the North Pole.

Dr. Chaves has a few more of your sex questions to answer after the jump...