Friday, the 17th

Argh! I have been putting this post off for a while now and THIS is only like the fouth version I have written. I keep trying to find the right words and emotions (or is that inflections?), but it keeps coming out wrong. Instead of sounding sincere, all I hear in my head is vapid and platitudinous. But I know I want to write something down. I know I need to remember this.

Today I experienced one of those moments in life that changes you forever. That shakes you hard and makes you wonder if you have anything left in your pockets afterwards. I'm sure you've undergone something similar. We all have. These are the moments that define who we are and where life is going to end up for us.

I had a friend tell me today that life would more than likely be taking them away from me soon -- that their future plans weren't going to keep them in that happy place right by my side. The news hit me hard; harder really than I could have thought it would. It was like a push into a dark corner and suddenly, I felt all alone.

Their news forced upon me the realization that no matter what I did, I would be forever losing friends; that I could kick and scream and protest all I wanted, but eventually I would lose those that I love. I found myself at the abrupt truth that the things I wished I could keep forever and the times I dreamed to never end, would soon be mere memories from a disconnected past. Life moves on and it rarely asks permission.

Without warning, I was standing face to face with an emotional wall that blocked the vision of my future. It was a wall covered over in letters; letters stamped and sealed, but never mailed ... each one addressed to a friendship long departed. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to tear down every letter, every memory and just destroy them. Why even have had those happy times if they are only bitter reflections of moments you can never re-live.

sigh. I had wanted to say other things. So many other things. Something about broken dreams and fading childhood expectations. Something about loss. Something about hurt. Instead, I am finding only these words from Forever Changed:

I never want to say goodbye tonight.
I’m staying here if that’s all right.
I’m never going to let you out of sight.
Don’t leave me now, just hold on tight.
There’s nothing left for me to do.
The plans we made have fallen through.
You just close your eyes and hold on to me.
It was hard letting go of you;
I never want to feel that way again.
You blink and life will pass you by.
Let love prevail now; don’t let it die.
I’ll take you in my arms we’re going home.
You’re not leaving here alone, not this time.
Well I don’t care what they say;
no one here is going to take you away.
Stand up one more time and hold on to me!
It was hard letting go of you;
I never want to feel that way again.
Can you recall what I said to you,
Just let it all out now, just let it all out now.
Don’t say goodnight.
Don’t say goodbye.

And these from 1 Corinthians 13:

[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

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Pronounced “draw” ...

... the DRÄ Studio is the online recreational site for Oscar Cortez. It's mainly a collection of vector illustrations, raster graphics, design insights, UI concepts, Apple Macintosh ponderings and pretty much anything else that is fun to talk about.

Who’s behind the Curtain:

Oscar is a designer and illustrator, but aspires to be an animator, musician, technologist, writer, photographer and artist. He is in love with a beautiful girl, a wonderful Savior, and is waiting to hold his son again.

Oscar is usually busy making things pretty for friends and ministries alike, but when he needs a break, he can usually be found teaching at Full Sail, drawing on his leftovers or painting his own tee shirts.