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Tuesday, July 17, 2012

A Birthday Resolution

My Birthday
has always been a day of solemn reflection, a day to look back on the year and
think about what I’ve done, and who I’ve become since the last one. Truthfully,
I make birthday resolutions the way normal people make new years resolutions - I probably stick to them as long as those people stick to theirs too.

When I was
fifteen, I remember thinking: hey, by
this time next year I’ll probably have a wonderful boyfriend and we’ll be soo
in love. And then when sixteen hit a year later and I was still alone, I was
actually sad about it. I was upset over something that hadn’t happened, even though I probably had plenty of things to be
upset about that had actually
happened. And oh boy, when seventeen came and still nothing – let’s just say I was
a mental fucking wreck. And this wasn’t all about dating and love and typical teenage
girl bullshit – I made goals for literally everything and had a timeline for
every aspect of my life.

I soon
realized, just after turning into a mental wreck at seventeen, that perhaps it
was time to give up the birthday resolutions, that my goals just weren’t worth
it when my year was finally up. Sadly, I’m a goal-oriented person and life just
doesn’t seem right without at least a couple of goals to keep me moving
forward. So I still make a few loose resolutions, a few simple guidelines for
my life over the next year.

I’m 21 this
year, and entering into my last year of my human sexuality program. Endings and
new beginnings are on the horizon, and I can’t even begin to imagine where I’ll
be this time next year. All I can hope is that these few resolutions keep me
moving forward in the direction I always strive towards.

So here
they are – my hope is that a year down the road someone will hold me accountable
to them, if I don’t do so myself.

I resolve to. . . be more fully myself in every aspect of my
life. I don’t need to hide certain sides of myself that are, in many ways, the
most important in my sense of self.

I resolve to . . . make my commitments wisely and see them
through to the end. My word is all I have, and if it means nothing, then I have
nothing.

I resolve to. . . live freely and in the moment, to be open to
the experiences this year will undoubtedly grant me.

They’re
only three small goals, three small resolutions that in a years time I only
hope I’ll be able to look back and think: yes,
I did all of these as often and with as much of myself as I could. I didn’t do
it half-assed, no, I did it the best I could.

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About Me

As a 20-something new graduate with a degree in Human Sexuality, I live t0 talk about sex and the human experience of it; I'm currently living in a happily committed relationship with my (now) fiancé and partner of five years, referred to here as RS.