American Pickers, 9 p.m., History Danielle has to sell a vintage carnival ride. Maybe she can find a trio of kids who have been communicating with aliens. Aw, c'mon, 1985's Explorers? Anyone? It had River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke in it …

Chuck, 10 p.m., NBC Timothy Dalton shows up to show Chuck how it's done. First step: Get fired from the James Bond movies. Then have your baby mama leave you for Mel Gibson.

Men of a Certain Age, 10 p.m., TNT Joe's divorce is finalized. We thought Debra would never leave Ray Romano.

TUESDAY

Rudolph's Shiny New Year, 8 p.m., ABC We never understood why Rudolph had to save Happy, the baby New Year, too. He must have needed something after the Adrenalin rush of Christmas.

Glory Daze, 10 p.m., TBS Eli wants to join the Navy after watchingTop Gun. How many people did that happen to in 1984, we wonder?

WEDNESDAY

Undercovers, 8 p.m., NBC Steven and Samantha have to leave their vacation in Greece to go to scenic Tel Aviv for a hostage negotiation. Boy, do they know how to unwind or what?

SERIES PREMIERE My Strange Addiction, 9 p.m., TLC A 12-part documentary about people who have to sleep with the hair dryer on or eat detergent. Good thing our addiction is avoiding junk television.

SERIES PREMIERE I Used to Be Fat, 10 p.m., MTV Now this is a series with a real message: MTV takes a break from making teen pregnancy look cool to show overweight kids who lose as much as 100 pounds. You could lose 180 or so just by getting rid of The Situation.

THURSDAY

Happy New Year, Charlie Brown, 8 p.m., ABC Here's that weird special in which Chuck has to read War and Peace over his holiday break and write a report. Because if there's one thing kids watching this want to do over winter break, it's be reminded of schoolwork.

L.A. Gang Wars: The Peacemaker, 10 p.m., A&E A gang leader in Watts wants to stop the violence in the projects. You let us know how that's working out for you.

Bette Midler: The Showgirl Must Go On, 9 p.m., HBO In case you couldn't get to Caesars Palace in Vegas, here's a stage show for you to watch instead of another viewing of The Rose.

NBC's New Year's Eve With Carson Daly, 10 p.m., NBC Carson asks Bono and The Edge why their Spider-Manmusical is such a mess. At least, we hope he does.

New Year's Eve Live, 11 p.m., Fox No one watches this version, which is broadcast from Las Vegas. Three reasons: Nancy O'Dell, David Archuleta and Travie McCoy.

Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve With Ryan Seacrest 2011, 11:30 p.m., ABC Jenny McCarthy, Taio Cruz and Ke$ha are the headliners with Ryan, who is still crossing his fingers to one day take Dick's name off this show. Happy New Year!