Dumbass Pages

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Dumbass Young Men and Cattle - A Love Story

I don't make a practice of naming young people (teens) as Dumbass of the Day, but these two teen agers in Minnesota have earned the right to be named as such. You'll see why.

It's winter time in much of the northern half of the country and with the requisite snow that comes with it, folks can get mighty bored. You know the old saying, idle hands are the devil's workshop. The Upper Midwest was blasted by a blizzard a few days ago and two teens in Stearns County, Minnesota got real bored real quick. These two young dumbasses didn't just sit around moping and bitchin' and moanin', no siree, Bob, these two young dipshits spent their idle time creating a business plan, and you gotta give them credit for being creative. Criminally creative, but creative nonetheless. Our junior dumbasses wanted to start their own farm and dairy business, a noble goal if gone about it in the right way. Therein lies the catch.

Eager to get a head start on their operations, our two young dumbasses went out and got seventeen calves...from other people's barns! I don't no how they rectify cattle theft in Minnesota, but in Texas these two stoopid fucks would have been dealt with quickly and severely. Just for the record, one of these idiots is 19, so he's a Prison Bitch in Waiting as we speak. The other kid is 16, so his Prison Bitchness is yet to be determined. Here's a piece of advice for the 19 year old dumbass, practice squealing like a pig. Audio-visual aids can be found in a movie called Deliverance. I'm sure Netflix has it for rental.

However, it looks like the closest our young dumbasses will come to a dairy farm is when they have "close encounters" with Leon "Hung Like a Bull" Williams at the Minnesota State Penetentiary. Have fun, boys! And say howdy to Leon for us. Dumbasses.