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how should this be handled? UPDATE AT BOTTOM in red!!

So has joint custody of DSD that he shares with the Maternal grandfather and stepgrandmother. They have residential and he has visitation that is every other weekend with 5 day period inclusive with a weekend. We have been trying to go for a 50/50 deal but the grandparents (mainly SGM) has not been going for it. She has tried to do everything possible to cut time back and cause as much drama as possible. He has been involved since she was born. We have been together since she was about 1 a little younger. we have been doing this visitation schedule since right before DSD started Pre-k, she is now in 3rd grade. I have DD who is the same age and then we have our youngest DD together age 3. We believe SGM has seperation problems with DSD and her 2 sibling that live with her in their home.

She goes to the school and eats lunch with DSD 3 times a week during the time that we have her. She takes pictures of herself and DSD, or gives her notes, or treats. She has brought home notes (on a monday) that say I love you and miss you and can't wait for you to come back home. Then it had several lipstick kisses on the bottom of it. The pictures have notes on the backs that read similar to the notes. SO has talked to the principle about the contact at school and she basically told him the only way she could stop the visits is if he brings in papers from the court stating she is not to have contact during his time...but she does understand his concerns and agrees with him that it is not the best thing for DSD. She also takes out report cards and weekly thursday reports, things that need to be signed and returned. He finally sent a note before christmas break when he found out she IS FAILING (not going too but IS) 3rd grade. he met with the teacher and discussed things with her. SGM has been presigning reading logs ans progress reports. Teacher said she was going to not give DSD credit for the assignnments and that she would be talking to SGM and explaining that the sheets are to be signed nightly to ensure that the assignments are actually getting done. She also writed out her name and had him sign it.

Something that we have caught on too. Every month she is given a reading log. She has 1 story a week she is suppose to read every night and she is suppose to time herself. She is to write down the total number of pages read and then the minutes it took her to read it. For the 3 weeks she is with the grandparents She always takes her 1 hour to read anywhere from 10-18 pages (depending on the length of the story, # of pages change but the time taken to read doesn't)

When she is with us it monday it takes about 30-35 minutes and by thursday it is only about 20 miuntes (again depending ont he number of pages). Again the section where the parent is to sign off on it is already presigned by SGM (on his time)

On to this weeks problem....

Of course SGM showed up monday to give DSD her treats, then today he got DSD weekly progress folder. The space for him to sign and the space for next thursday is already signed. There are also papers you are suppose to review and sign letting the teacher know you reviewed them....

SO notices the spelling word sheet that was filled out for last week was not in DSD hand writing. The work sheet consists of blank boxes for the kids to fill in the spelling word 3x each in alphabetically order. SO asked DSD if it was her handwriting and at first she said yes and SO took this weeks sheet and last weeks sheet and layed then on the table side by side. He asked her again if it was her handwriting on the first page and she hung her head and said no it was SGM's and that she told her not to fill it out but she did anyways. SO just said ok and let her go back to doing her homework. SO wrote a note on the bottom of the first sheet stating " This is NOT DD's hand writing" He then wrote another note on this weeks sheets saying "This IS DD hand writing" and places both of them into her homework folder for the teacher to see tomorrow.

Has anyone else had to deal with this? DH needs some advice and asked me to make this post/ If there are any teacher our there, What can he do? What would be your course of action for the student involved in this situation? Thanks in advance for your responses.

***********UPDATE*************

SO had a meeting with GP when he took SD home yesterday and they had a chat about some of the things going on. GP was unaware about the homework issue (no surprise there). SO said that he told him " I understand that sometimes things get hectic and rushed, but I believe it is SD best interest to do her own homework" GP said he agreed with him. When the "meeting" started GP told SGM to stay in the house they talked outside while all of our kids played (SO took our 2 girls with him to take her home, GP loves our youngest daughter and often times wants us to bring her in so he can play with her at drop off and pick ups) GP also said that he will consider him having SD for the half time he wants, just give him some time to think about it. when they filled out the out the visitation calendar, SGM kept trying to change dates around and GP had to correct her several times and SO said that he looked very irritated by what she was doing. SO made it a point to tell GP in front of SGM that he felt it would be best if all contact was handled directly and only between himself and GP. GP said told him that he completely agree while staring directly at SGM with a very disapproving look.

I am hoping that this meeting may have made GP aware of some situations and that he also feels that they need to change as well.....guess we will see, gonna update the main post as well with this information. I appreciate all of the responses I have gotten and the advice on a good course of action!

GSM is taking on the role as mom in this custody agreement. You need to contact a family lawyer about this and petition for full custody. But be prepared, it is going to cost you a lot of money and time to fight it out.

I would contact lawyers and find out how they feel about the situation. Some might be willing to do a pay so much a month until they are paid off. My ex husband had a lawyer who does that with him. I was the one making out the checks each month.

I would definitely go back to court for custody. She is interferring with SD education when she goes to her school that often through the week. She's interferring with SD's socialization that way as well. Kids really do need to spend lunch with their friends and not be put under stress during that time. (stress through a parental type unit coming in and reminding them all the time about how much they miss them)

It's creepy how this woman can't stand to be away from this girl. If this were a male, I would seriously be concerned with abuse.

Your problem is going to be that other siblings of this child live with SGM. I have a similar situation. I am raising my 10 yo grandson, autistic. SGM has his brother. Court believes siblings should be together. We have spent literally over $50,000 on this with no resolution except that now THEY have joint custody of a child we should have adopted by now. I feel ya, but short of cutting the kid in half, all you can do is wait until she is old enough to tell the court her wishes. Like, at 14... Sigh.

SO had a meeting with GP when he took SD home yesterday and they had a chat about some of the things going on. GP was unaware about the homework issue (no surprise there). SO said that he told him " I understand that sometimes things get hectic and rushed, but I believe it is SD best interest to do her own homework" GP said he agreed with him. When the "meeting" started GP told SGM to stay in the house they talked outside while all of our kids played (SO took our 2 girls with him to take her home, GP loves our youngest daughter and often times wants us to bring her in so he can play with her at drop off and pick ups) GP also said that he will consider him having SD for the half time he wants, just give him some time to think about it. when they filled out the out the visitation calendar, SGM kept trying to change dates around and GP had to correct her several times and SO said that he looked very irritated by what she was doing. SO made it a point to tell GP in front of SGM that he felt it would be best if all contact was handled directly and only between himself and GP. GP said told him that he completely agree while staring directly at SGM with a very disapproving look.

I am hoping that this meeting may have made GP aware of some situations and that he also feels that they need to change as well.....guess we will see, gonna update the main post as well with this information. I appreciate all of the responses I have gotten and the advice on a good course of action!

Quoting SueMNanaMama:

Your problem is going to be that other siblings of this child live with SGM. I have a similar situation. I am raising my 10 yo grandson, autistic. SGM has his brother. Court believes siblings should be together. We have spent literally over $50,000 on this with no resolution except that now THEY have joint custody of a child we should have adopted by now. I feel ya, but short of cutting the kid in half, all you can do is wait until she is old enough to tell the court her wishes. Like, at 14... Sigh.

No, they are her sister's from her mother side. She also has a little boy that she had here a few years ago that she left with his BD. We do not know where she is and she doesn't have contact with SD to our knowledge. SO has tried giving BM's BM his number for her to contact him but nothing ever resulted of it.

Quoting Ms_mom_81:

wow this sounds horrible. are the kids that live with them your DH kids as well?

Well the SGM seems crazy. Unless the birth parents are complete losers GP should not get any custody.

Quoting tilly030409:

No, they are her sister's from her mother side. She also has a little boy that she had here a few years ago that she left with his BD. We do not know where she is and she doesn't have contact with SD to our knowledge. SO has tried giving BM's BM his number for her to contact him but nothing ever resulted of it.

Quoting Ms_mom_81:

wow this sounds horrible. are the kids that live with them your DH kids as well?

I completely agree and don't understand why SGM acts the way she does.

Quoting Ms_mom_81:

Well the SGM seems crazy. Unless the birth parents are complete losers GP should not get any custody.

Quoting tilly030409:

No, they are her sister's from her mother side. She also has a little boy that she had here a few years ago that she left with his BD. We do not know where she is and she doesn't have contact with SD to our knowledge. SO has tried giving BM's BM his number for her to contact him but nothing ever resulted of it.

Quoting Ms_mom_81:

wow this sounds horrible. are the kids that live with them your DH kids as well?

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