Show Us Your Shirt Stains: The Worst of the Worst

Last week we asked you to show us your worst band tees and good lord did you ever deliver. Frankly, you should all be ashamed.

The challenge was simple: show us your worst band tee, allow us to make fun of you, and MAYBE win something. I’m thrilled to see that a number of you really stepped up to show off your complete lack of judgement and financial sense. Before we get to the “winning” entry, let’s take a look at some of the awful shit you submitted.

Terrible Shirts for Jerks

W.: lopsided, across-the-chest Whitechapel logo. Like an MMA shirt for a wimp.

W.: I’m going for a hat trick with this one. 1. All-over print. 2. Purchased from Hot Topic. 3. I was over 21 when I purchased it.

These are truly awful shirts, Dubya. You’re so very fortunate that you now have a wife that dresses you. Clearly, you cannot be trusted to pick out your own clothes.

Ron Deuce: “This is my old band Gouge’s shirt. I currently have 4 or 5 of these that are being used to cover up a box of porn. Note the awful green color that looks more like a landscaping company than a band shirt. To top it all off, we have the tramp stamp death metal logo on the back. I did not design this shirt so I cannot accept full responsibility for its awfulness. Edit: For added flavor, that is actual dust that you see on the shirt.”

I love that you use your band’s shirts to cover up ancient porn. I dunno if you noticed this, but it says “GOUGE” around your buttz region.

CT-12: “This is definitely the worst shirt I own and I know it is. May Howard have mercy on my soul.”

There’s an awful lot going on here and it’s all dumb. Kinda like Rings of Saturn’s music! HEY-OH! #relevantmusicjokes #goodatcomedy

Cunt Cunt: “it was cheap and i was young and impressionable. Still tho shame… shame…”

YEAH, FUCK POP. BUNCH OF SELL OUT PUSSIES.
/signs with Universal Music Group
//inks sponsorship with Monster Energy
///prepares multiple costume changes for multi-million dollar music video featuring me playing tuff armyman out in the desert

Lacertilian: “I bought this shirt during uni a long time ago and while I may have only worn it a handful of times, I still like it. I know you people won’t, it’s called the Face-Rip tie-dye apparently.. The outrageous combination of the tie-dye, rainbow swirl, the inverted cross on the tooth, the weed leaf nose and the pentagram eye will surely induce a wretched cringe in some of you with better taste. Hallucinogens, man.”

We can save public schools millions of dollars a year by simply replacing the D.A.R.E program with this shirt.

EsusMoose: “I remember getting multiple in high school that were awful when I tried to be cool (and failed cause I’m a nerd), but a Bullet for my Valentine one sticks out. I don’t have it so I had to find this picture but back then I saw it in hot topic and thought “oh this is cool”, so I bought it and went home. I decided to wear it one day but looked in a mirror before leaving for school and saw a stupid fucking idiot staring back with fluffy adolescent hair and visual vomit on his hairless chest. It lay in my closet for years being slowly dragged into its depths by a ruthless but just convection process. High school was an awkward time.”

Give Me Your Dole… Please: “In my defense, I thought I had the ballz, so I took that one step closer… turns out there was nothing but an increased sense of shame to be found. Shirt Stain Fact: The back features the exact same picture, but in black and white. I’m assuming the reason for this is to reduce the chance of being (rightfully) attacked from behind.”

Hi, you seem to have made a mistake. This is a contest for really Bad Shirts. This is clearly a Very Good Shirt. Please try again.

Special Dishonorable Mention:

Waynecro: “I bought this shirt at an Anal Blast show. I was drunk as shit, and it was really dark in the venue. The front of the shirt is the band’s logo, which I’m totally fine with. I had no idea this content was on the back of the shirt (I have censored this shit for the sake of decency). This shirt is probably grounds for divorce in most states. Chris Hansen still calls me and asks about this shirt from time to time. If my girlfriend knew I owned this shirt, she’d probably kill me in my sleep. To be fair, this shit would probably be classifiable as cunt art if a feminist artist had created it instead of, you know, a bunch of disgusting metal dudes.”

Holy shit, dude. This might be the worst Shirt Stain yet. This shirt thinks Flower of Flesh & Blood is an appropriate first date movie. This shirt has an external hard drive strictly for hentai. This shirt goes through great pains to explain “It’s totally cool man, there’s a HUGE difference between pedophilia and ebibophila”. This shirt thinks Jared from Subway is a cool dude. This shirt will help an inmate gain higher social status when he inevitably murders this shirt in prison.

THE WINNER!

Congrats Janitor Jim Duggan. This deathcore/SpongeBob abomination is truly terrible. It brings to mind the heaviest questions of mankind: Why does man create? Why does he both seek and fear oblivion? Why would a person design this, a band approve it, a merch company print it, and you ultimately purchase it? Reach out to 365 Days of Horror for your prize and may God have mercy on your soul.