This point is where
many D/s relationships fall to pieces. Overpunishment for minor infractions,
non-acknowledged good deeds, and ignoring blatant wrong action cause the
affinity in the relationship to break down. The roles of both Dom and
sub are fairly rigid; the duties of both well understood. When a Dom doesn't
punish major infractions, or ignores correct action by his sub, the agreements
made at the beginning of the relationship are broken. It is here that
a Dom shows his true colors. The Dom should be in control not only of
his sub, but himself as well.

At the beginning
of a D/s relationship, the Dom and sub may agree on a long list of correct
and incorrect actions, but if the Dom does not remember them, the sub
is "getting over" on the Dom, and in the process, losing respect
for the Dom's power. It would be better to have only a few rules at the
start, then as time progresses, expand them as the relationship grows.

Overcorrecting is
also poor. If the Dom is cruel or vicious, the sub will only do what is
required out of fear of punishment. Over time, the sub will have no desire
to please the Dom, and the Dom will suddenly realize they have no real
control over the sub.

Punishment is a tool
to correct wrong or no action by the sub. It should never be done in
anger! This is a very important point. When you punish in anger, real
injury can occur, safewords are nullified, and limits do not exist. This
is a very dangerous situation. The Dom who punishes in anger is moving
into the area of abuse. In D/s, the Dom cares about the feelings of the
sub. It is very difficult to have empathy when you are angry. Pain is
not the end all and be all of a D/s relationship. It is just one more
tool at the disposal of the Dom to guarantee the rules are complied with.

Punishment does not
even have to include pain. Movement restrictive bondage, humiliation,
harsh words, or even a look can punish the sub. Privileges can be removed
such as not being allowed to sit on the furniture, or by the Dom forcing
the sub to sleep at the foot of the bed. There are many ways to punish
incorrect actions. Save the severe stuff for major infractions. If you
beat a dog every day, all you get is an angry, uncontrollable dog. The
same goes for a sub, and an angry sub is much more hazardous than an angry
dog. Punishment is always followed by reward when the sub corrects the
infraction. The sub must be allowed to make up the damage, and then it
is forgiven.

Rewards show the
sub that the Dom is pleased. It is a tangible show of love and caring
from the Dom to the sub for a correct action. This is the true power of
the Dom. The reward can be a kiss, a caress, flowers, a short note, or
even a long, tender session of lovemaking. Rewards given to the sub shows
that the Dom is thinking of them, and cares for their well being. It acknowledges
their proper behavior and reinforces it. This is how the Dom creates in
the sub the willingness to please him. A happy sub will do anything to
ensure the happiness of the Dom, and will avoid actions that disappoint.