Best and worst dance snubs when you ask a lady to dance

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Well-Known Member

I don't get refused often when I ask a lady to dance. But when I do, she is either slick about it or transparent, but never straightforward.

Last night was a BEAUT! While I was hosting for my chosen studio's semi formal fall ball, I asked a member of the University of xxxxxxxx dance team for a quickstep.

The team consisted of three couples. A polite and skilled young man, spoke for the group after all three couples danced one performance each.

"Hi guys! Come support us at this competition that we're going to sponsor in a few weeks. Come talk with us, and come dance with us."

I took him literally. I decided to ask one of his team mates for a dance. I spied her sitting alone as the quickstep music started. She was sitting at a table. I could not see her feet.

"I'm sorry, I've taken my dance shoes off," she excused herself as she then displayed her stocking feet.

I went and got somebody else.

The next dance was a slow waltz. She was up on the floor dancing with Kobe.

In her defense, I only saw her dancing with (one person) last night. She may not have wished to dance with anyone else but her partner. Maybe he did not speak for her when he invited each dancer to "dance with the members of his group."

Well-Known Member

Hmm seems she really not willing to dance with strangers, unless she feels her feet sore or hurt, so took off her dance shoes to give her feet a break, so declined a social dance. Or she could be not sociable at all as you said she only danced with her partner. Or she feels QS is one of her weaker dances, she doesn't want to make people think the team is not trained. Some people just don't like to do certain dances at social. Maybe (the male spokesperson) should really speak to all team members that they are all willing to dance with everyone at the event before make such announcement, so there is no misunderstanding.

Site Moderator

DD...no offense but this is a huge pet peeve that I have with many men and some women...unless you have a history with someone that allows you to determine with a high degree of certainty a pattern of crappy behavior, why on earth wouldn't you just take them at face value? frankly, even if you had a history, you might still be wrong....her shoes were off..she didn't owe you/your ego to sit out all the rest of the dances...why choose to take offense or percieve deceit?...no one can make you feel that slighted/insecure without your consent and that one doesn't even seem remotely unreasonable...I get that that it may have been difficult to ask and that it made you feel insecure to see her dance right after that...but why not just own that and understand that?

Site Moderator

as to time to sit out or put shoes back on...I agree...sometimes one dance is enough of a break...and court shoes are the only shoes that are easy to put on or off....I still see nothing out of line there

Well-Known Member

Hehe. His name is xxxxx. We do have a competition coming up in a week, and the girl he was dancing with is his full time partner. So that's probably the reason.

As for the shoe thing, I agree. Sometimes taking off the shoes is enough to get a girl back on track for the rest of the night. Sometimes you got to point your feet out for a bit releases some of the tension.

In general we are generally a competition oriented club, and social dancing isn't a top priority. College Night at a different studio tends too look like a comp floor where people are trying to out pace each other, and people rarely switching away from their comp partners.

I know lots of our members are in full time comp mode, so that could be the main reason.

Site Moderator

all things considered, we will never know because he didn't try her after she put her shoes back on......

as to snubs; I cannot say that I have ever been snubbed but I do think I fall into that category with LG of being a lady with whom most of the social guys in the area are afraid to dance...and I understand

Well-Known Member

I don't think she was rude since she didn't dance the same dance with anyone else. I think perhaps [name removed] might want to tone down his statements or check with the people he's committing to accepting dances.

I'll tell you a slightly different story, about when I failed to ask someone when I should have. There was a social dance as part of a competition at which they were taking a collection for someone to help cover hospital bills. They said if you contributed, you could ask for a dance from anyone at the head table or the judges' table.

Well, Karen Hilton was one of the judges, and I was tempted to ask for a dance with her, but didn't quite dare. Then ten minutes later someone else did, and she danced with him. Then she was up and dancing with totally random people for the rest of the night.

Really classy people, the Hiltons.[Moderator note:Removed identifying information originally provided by original poster]

Site Moderator

Well-Known Member

In general we are generally a competition oriented club, and social dancing isn't a top priority. College Night at a different studio tends too look like a comp floor where people are trying to out pace each other, and people rarely switching away from their comp partners.

On a related note, sometimes I just don't feel like dancing a dance. I'm at the social to have fun, and sometimes I'm a little tired or my feet are getting sore, so I'll turn down a dance. I do not think that attending a social obligates you to dance every single dance you are asked for, and taking it personally is unnecessary unless said person then goes to dance with someone else. Her shoes were off, she did not lie to you. Perhaps she did not think you would want to wait for her to put them back on, or perhaps she just wanted to stretch her feet for a few minutes.

Well-Known Member

And although I do get that social dancing "may not be a priority" for this particular group, they WERE at a social dance where their spokesperson INVITED us to dance with them.

This reminds me of the movie "Three Amigos" where three celebrities were invited to dinner at a poor family's house at a Mexican village. While munching down on TACOS (lol), one of them asked, "Hey, have you got anything to eat besides Mexican food?"

Was I "entitled?" Probably not. There is no rule that stated that she owed me a dance.

She very possibly needed to give her feet a break. But then why not say so, and ask for a "raincheck?" I believe that whatever reason she had was a good one. But since she was part of a "visiting group," a friendlier attitude toward "strangers" might have gone a long way to garner the support they requested.

Active Member

What gets me with a refusal is not the refusal itself (now that I have learned not to take it personally) but the awkward moment afterwards. It leaves you standing there saying, "Well what do I do now?"

Well-Known Member

What gets me with a refusal is not the refusal itself (now that I have learned not to take it personally) but the awkward moment afterwards. It leaves you standing there saying, "Well what do I do now?"

Well-Known Member

It doesn't even sound like a refusal to me. If she'd had her shoes on, then yes, I would consider it a refusal. But her shoes were off. She clearly wasn't in a position to dance at the time; it's not like there was any choice involved.

New Member

I'm reminded of a lady who frequents socials in this area and responds to almost all requests to dance with, "I'm sorry, I just took my shoes off"... until her preferred lead asks her to dance, and her multi-strap Latin heels miraculously materialize on her feet. THAT is a snub. In the case of the UofM dancer-- it seems like a simple case of bad timing. Not rude, not a snub. I would hate to think that a gentleman would take it personally if I needed to rest my feet for a minute. Did you try asking her again at a later time?

Well-Known Member

I know the dancer in question. She is a little shy and not very outgoing, and I haven't known her to social dance very much. I wouldn't take it personally that she didn't request a raincheck or didn't behave exactly as you would expect from a more veteran social dancer. If this was immediately following the performance, she may have been changing shoes into something more comfortable for general social dancing. And knowing her partner as well, he may have convinced her to dance the next one through persistence even if her feet were sore and she wanted a break.