Wednesday, 19 November 2008

An open letter.

Carlos. If you are reading this, this is something that I wrote about you this morning. I am posting it here for you and the whole world to see how well I can write when I am thinking about you. Please come back and let me feel your muscles again.

Adorna xxxx

The man does not talk. He is a man of action not words. He strides in and out as he pleases. Sometimes she imagines he is a young tiger, leisurely strolling around its territory after a kill. It is impossible to talk to him. Impossible to say all the things she wants to say. How do you tell such a man that you love him? For the rest of her life, he would be lost in his world and she in hers.

I don't know whether to say I'm a fan or I'm not a fan (in some ways I am, you're quite a successful writer; and in others I'm not - you seem to depend too unhealthily on other people's writings), but I've got advice for you:

1. If you use another person's work, then acknowledge them. Ask of course for their permission first! I know you're a writer of popular fiction, not an academic, but you need to understand that borrowed writing NEEDS footnotes. Footnotes in your novels will save you this embarrassment you're going through.

2. Why have you disabled anonymous commenting on your blog. Something to hide? I notice that Desiderus, your rival (not in literary success of course) allows anonymous commenters. Might that suggest very clearly who is guilty and who should be defended?

PS. This case between you and Desiderus will be the subject of my next research incursion. One of my PhD students has also indicated interest in theorising on the concept of "Intertextualities and intertheftualities in the case of Adorna and Desiderus"

T. OgunlesiAssociate Professor of Studies in Literary and PostLiterary Borrowings,Old Town University

Go back and look at your rival's blog. Someone's given him the news about that guy who lived in the house before him. What was his name? Your mate Bloomington. Another mysterious mystery that you seem to be implicated in.

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Do you have a question for Adorna? Perhaps you'd like to review her forthcoming novel, or, like many others, you are burning with a write-style related question. Don't hesitate, but send your fan mail to me at adorna.shine@gmail.com and Carlos will print out whatever's interesting and bring it to my attention.

NB I can't accept every indecent proposal I receive. I just wouldn't have the time!