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Perhaps you have begun to take responsibility for your emotions. You see that it isn’t the world “out there” that’s causing conflict or lack in your life. You can see there’s something going on within you that needs to be corrected – but what? And how can it be changed?

I tell my clients, “Awareness is half the battle.” When you become aware of what’s been truly running your life and your emotions, and acknowledge that this is your life and these are your emotions – without blaming the world – that is taking emotional responsibility.

Here are some behaviors your ego just loves. They stem from fear, and it’s good to be aware of the extensive influence of fear when you heal emotionally:

Judgments and Projections: Remember, if you spot it in someone else; you’ve got it too.

Expectations and Control: The ego selfishly wants what it wants or is in fear and may try to control other people and force the desired outcome.

Minimizing and Justifying: This is the ego’s attempt to make obvious wrongs and misbehavior seem inconsequential or trivial

Shame and Blame: The ego likes to create stories of shame, blame and guilt to justify holding on to past hurts; a waste of time and energy

Poor Me: Ultimately, you are not a victim of anything or anyone. All oppression begins in the mind. You choose how you perceive and, thereby, experience everything in life.

When you begin your journey toward emotional mastery, remember:

Never skip steps: If you try, you’ll just have to go back and do the work at a later time. Life will make sure of it.

Avoid simply skimming the surface of your emotions: Get down to that subconscious stuff that holds you back, so you can clear it at the deepest level.

You’ve got to want it: You need to be committed to doing whatever it takes to heal yourself emotionally. Life will not ask you to do whatever it takes, but you need to be willing to.

You’re only done when you’re done: Issues will keep showing up in your life until you learn the true lessons they were meant to teach you. Hang in there. It’s worth it.

The process of healing emotionally will get easier as you keep going with healing and correcting your mind, perceptions, attitudes and behaviors.

A healing crisis is your Wake-Up Call from the Universe, summoning you to wake up to life. These awakenings are not always fun or easy to go through. They are pushing you to grow in consciousness.

Most people need some kind of upheaval in their lives to begin recognizing that it’s time to:

Make corrections within their minds

Heal those places in their lives that don’t really work anymore.

This awakening may come as an illness, loss of a job, ending of a relationship, death of a loved one, and so on.

Your healing crisis may start out as a feeling of discontent, or a gentle whisper in the back of your mind. If you don’t pay attention then, the next time it may come as a nudge. The next time, you may feel like you got whacked upside your head. If you don’t pay attention and act then, it could come as a Mack Truck. You don’t want a Mack Truck. Those can be very painful.

Use your healing crisis as a catalyst to move forward in your life.

Use it as your sign from the Universe that’s it’s time to heal your mind and emotions.

When you were born, you were indoctrinated into the mass consciousness of this world. Within your family, or the people you grew up with, there were agreements about what to believe and how to behave. These are called tribal agreements, forming a structure within which you can all coexist.

You have agreements with the world as a whole, as well as your race; your nation; your community; the people who share your religious or spiritual beliefs; your work associates and peers; your friends and family; your intimate relationships; and even with yourself.

Sometimes, these agreements grow outdated, or they just don’t work for you (and maybe everyone else) anymore.

Many erroneous beliefs developed from misperceptions at birth and early childhood, and got buried in your subconscious. They may be running your life as an adult, even – or especially – if you are not consciously aware of these hidden beliefs. They were formulated at a stage of life when you were incapable of understanding your experiences the way an adult does.

Many of these unconsciously held beliefs are irrational, and have created irrational behavior and drama in your life.

There is a way to clear the past, and all of the limiting misperceptions, beliefs and emotions you suppressed, so you can stop replaying the past and bring your energy and attention into the present.

When you are present, you will be more effective in every area of your life. It’s time to reexamine your beliefs and where they came from.

One of the first things I learned when I began my training in Breathwork was that we are never healed alone. Whenever we experience a shift in perception or consciousness that shifts our lives, the people who are closest to us will be affected also. This includes our families and close friends.

Even if you are thousands of miles away and experience some kind of personal healing, your loved ones will feel the effects. Time and space are an illusion. They may not be consciously aware of what has happened, but at some level they will know. I’ve had this happen hundreds of times for myself and my clients.

Many times I’ve been in a session with a client and I would have them visualize that person and tell them what they needed to say as though that person was right there. My client might experience a deep, profound love or forgiveness for that person. In that very moment, that person they were sending the psychic message to would call my client on the phone, leaving a message that they were thinking of them and felt a strong urge to call.

There have been times when I’ve wanted to tell someone close to me something that had shifted in my life but stopped from telling them because I knew they might not be able to hear it at that point in their life. However, I knew that they could receive the message at an unconscious level. I would visualize my friend and send my conscious thought through “The Psychic Hotline.”

I hope this message encourages you to know we are never healed alone, and to always remember your passion.

Do you realize that the USA, along with our entire planet, is going through a healing crisis?

Here’s the interesting thing: it’s the same kind of healing crisis I talk about in “The Five Stages of Healing.”

Let’s quickly recap the five stages of healing:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Sadness

Acceptance

Bye-Bye, Denial!

It seems the country is emerging from Stage 1 – Denial – especially concerning the rampant abuse of power that has been going on for far too long in government, academia, and other bastions of authority.

We are moving into Stage 2 of a healing crisis: Anger.

And our anger is heating up as horrifying reports continue to flood in from people who have spoken out, after suffering in silence for years. The ugly acts unveiled in these reports may feel overwhelming to some of us, and unbelievable to others.

In our fury, we look for people to blame, to punish, and to bring to justice to those who have abused their authority with impunity.

Telling the Truth Takes Courage

I know from personal experience how much courage it takes to speak out against abuse and injustice, from the stand I recently took against a company where sexual harassment was rampant.

When I told a couple of friends about the harassment, one person thought I should just ignore it. The other person said I should retaliate with the same aggressive, abusive energy that the managers of this company threw at their employees.

I told both friends, “If I react by lashing out, nothing changes, and I’ve lowered myself to their level. If I do nothing, then nothing changes.”

Shortly after, I filed a sexual harassment report with the EEOC.

Silence About Abuse Changes Nothing

I really didn’t care about financial compensation. I just wanted these guys to know their behavior was unacceptable, as well as illegal.

Also, I wanted to protect the young girls who worked there so it didn’t happen to them.

It wasn’t any fun to do this, but I don’t regret doing it. The experience of taking a stand and following through on it helped me heal some of my own abuse issues.

Since then, I’ve been learning how to more consistently, clearly, and firmly speak my truth and set my boundaries, especially around sexual harassment.

The inner strength and courage that has emerged from my experience with speaking out has made this possible, and I am grateful for it.

My goal is to keep speaking out; with less and less anger and more and more grace.

Crisis is Part of the Healing Process

As I witness the country moving through a similar process, I have a hope that a profound healing is taking place for all of us.

Yes, we are facing a crisis of major proportions.

And yet, it may yield rich opportunities for healing, here. This is how John F. Kennedy summed up his thoughts about crisis:

“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger – but recognize the opportunity.”

We must look at what is going on as a necessary part of the healing process.

As with many a healing crisis, sometimes things need to get worse before they can get better.

It Can Get Better. We Can Get Better.

I thank God that these abuses, stemming from ego and lack of love, are coming to light.

It is the only way we can heal in consciousness to make the necessary changes to move forward with love and respect for all life.

As the year ends and we look with hope to the New Year, may God and His Legions of Light bless us through the stages of anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance yet to come.

I pray for the wisdom to follow His guidance, which is forever leading us home to acceptance, forgiveness, and love.

Hold on for the emotional ride yet to come for our country, and remember: The Holy Spirit will use every experience for healing and our journey back to Love.

May you have a wonderful holiday season filled with lots of love and laughter.

If you are like most people, you were taught to suppress emotions from day one. Don’t be too loud. Don’t be sad! Don’t be angry! Don’t be too happy!

Perhaps, at other times, your emotions feel overwhelming and out of control, like a tidal wave that picks you up and carries you along, helpless in its grip.

Most of us had parents who didn’t understood emotions any more than their parents did, and neither did their parents, and so on. They were taught to deny or suppress their emotions. That’s what they taught us, because it was all they knew.

Honestly, most people don’t really understand their own emotions or other people’s, let alone how to help themselves emotionally.

Perhaps you have come to a point in your life when you realize it’s time to take responsibility for yourself and your life. You are willing to do whatever it takes to know peace. You are willing to do the work to heal your mind.

If you are new to my website and sign up for my monthly newsletter, you will receive an email containing a link to my Special Report, “The Five Stages of Healing.” In this report you will find a simple guide to assist you emotionally in your daily life, based on my book.

For those of you who are on my mailing list, let me know you would like a copy of this and I will send you the aforementioned email with the link so you can also download a copy of this report.

Directly dealing with your emotions, instead of denying or hiding from them, can seem frightening if you have never done it before – maybe a bit like a surfer just learning how to ride a wave.

However, once you get your emotional sea legs, the rewards of knowing you can handle yourself under difficult circumstances – even if they take you by surprise – are great:

Increased self-confidence

Willingness to take inspired action

Opening your heart to love again

Taking a chance on learning something new that could change your life

My prayer is that you will enjoy all of these blessings, and more, as we walk this path of Emotional Mastery together.

In Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ information on death and dying, she reveals the stages a person goes through when they grieve. These five stages: Denial, Anger, Bartering, Sadness, and Acceptance, are also the same steps you go through whenever you let go of anything whether it’s a person, a place, an issue, or a belief.

Over time, as you gradually release all of that emotional energy you have been holding onto that doesn’t serve you anymore, you will go through these same steps.

For the purposes of emotional clearing, I refer to these stages as The Five Stages of Healing.

Denial – “This can’t be happening. This is a joke, right? Right??!!”

Anger – “It’s so wrong and bad and unfair that this is happening! Someone must be to blame!”

Bargaining – “If I stop doing X or start to Y, will you make it stop happening?”

Sadness and Grief – “My heart is breaking.”

Acceptance and Surrender – “It happened.”

After a lifetime of suppressing emotions (because that’s what you were taught to do), it’s going to take time to clear them from your body and mind to find the peace you really want.

Be patient with your process. It’s different for everyone.

See your process of emotional healing as an adventure, and hold on for the ride of your life.

There will be highs and lows along your journey toward emotional mastery that will gradually level out over time.

The good times will last longer and come more often, and the lows won’t last as long or come as often.

Eventually, the lows will be higher than the highs used to be, yet there will be a sense of balance and security as you come to trust the process, God and most of all yourself.

I want to talk about something that I feel very strongly about. Our judgments about other people (and ourselves) can affect their ability to correct their misperceptions about themselves. If they can’t shift their misperceptions, they can’t shift their behaviors and heal.It’s important to separate the “sin” from the “sinner”. This is the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt tells us, “You did a bad thing”. Shame tells us, “You are bad”.

Do you know that the word “sin” is actually an old archery term that means to miss the mark? If you make a mis-take, you get to do it over until you get it right.

Yet, most of us have been taught that a sin should be judged and punished. This belief may be so strong that we believe in our hearts a sin is punishable by banishment and/or death.

Now, I know there is a catch with this…Sometimes some people are so programmed and entranced with their misperceptions that they will do almost anything to hold onto them even if they are unhappy, and they make the people around them unhappy as well.

To think of shifting these beliefs can actually feel terrifying because this is what they know. At an unconscious level they think, “If I’m not this, who am I?” They have forgotten what they are is Love.

What could happen to the world if instead of severe punishment, we offered love? What if we were to come up with better ways of helping one another heal our minds and hearts?

Of course, there are those people who have deep psychological issues and would need more help. There are those who are locked so deeply into their misperceptions they are violent and abusive. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t take care of yourself when you’re around these people. I’m just saying I think there is a better way we can be in the world sharing this journey together.

I hope as I pass this information on and with the questions I’ve raised we can begin to see and experience each other and ourselves with more love and compassion instead of fear and punishment.

As I sat across from my friend, I could see he was feeling troubled about what to do with his life. “All these years, I’ve done everything everyone told me would bring me happiness. I worked hard and got good grades in school; went to college and got my degree. I got a good job and got married. Within a few years, we had a couple of kids…but, somehow, I feel like I was lied to.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I don’t really feel fulfilled with my life, and I don’t know what to do about it,” he said.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this or something similar from people.

For me, the response was simple. “Well, what do you want?”

He looked dumbfounded. “I…I…I don’t know what I want. No one has ever asked me that before.”

Now, this was a very smart, well educated man. He had experienced a level of success in his life with running his own business with several employees for over a decade. Yet, here he was at a loss as to what he really wanted. I saw his mind wander as he began to think about the possibilities.

I suggested to him that he make a few lists:
• What do you want?
• What do you love?
• What are you good at?

“Some of the things may be the same on the different lists, and that’s okay. For instance, I love loving people, and I’m good at it. Write things that may not seem relevant.

When I first did this, I wrote things like I love to hike in the woods, and I love good sex. Let the little kid in you come out, and have fun with this. See it as an adventure; not as a chore. Then, if you’re really committed to getting clear on this, add to the list every week. I got to where I was adding new ideas every time they came to my mind.

As the lists get longer, start breaking them out into categories like career and relationships, including friendships. What kind of car do you want? Do you want to travel and where? If you want a house? How many rooms does it have? Does it have windows? What color is the carpet, or does it have hard wood floors? Get specific!” I could see his eyes light up as we talked like something deep inside had been awakened.

I was first guided to do these lists when I was 26 years old. Back then, I didn’t know I could want anything for myself, and I didn’t have a clue what I wanted. My lists were pretty pathetic in the beginning. I knew I was good at loving people, but how do you make a living at that?

Within a matter of weeks of doing this, I went in for my first breath session. Halfway through, I realized it was everything I’d put out on my lists in the way of a career. I wouldn’t have known or allowed myself to do this if I hadn’t written those lists.

Here I am after all these years still loving what I do, and it’s such an expression of who I am.

If you’re up to it, I encourage you to do this for yourself, and let me know how it works for you.

I want to share with you my first blog post I put up in February 2010. It’s also the beginning of my book, “Ride the Emotional Wave: How to Create Wealth, Health & Love Through Emotional Mastery.” It’s such a great analogy as to how emotions work and how to work with them I wanted to share it again. Please note: this has been copywrited.

“I’ve been putting a lot of thought into coming up with a title for what I want to share with you here. Where do you start with a topic like, ‘How to work with and clear emotions?’ Emotional Mastery popped into my mind. So…what does emotional mastery mean?

When I think of emotions, I think of their similarity with water: there are ebbs and flows…sometimes calm and quiet, sometimes wild and out of control. Some people are flooded with emotions while others have learned to live with a drought.

When I think of emotional mastery, I think of a surfer who goes out for the first time to learn to ‘ride the wave’. He rests on the water, waiting for that perfect swell. Then, he paddles out wildly to try to meet it. He gets on top of his board and tries to control it…the water rises…he feels a momentary rush of energy run through his body…and CRASH!!!…he plummets into the depths. Hurt, but still hopeful, he tries again. As he struggles to his feet, he feels his board wobble on this next wave. He tries to control it again…and…down he goes!

If he keeps at it, he gradually gets the hang of things. He allows others “in the know” to guide him in the process. Now, when he goes out on the water to surf, he looks ahead and sees that perfect wave. With strength, purpose and direction, he swims toward his goal.

His legs have developed so that as he steps onto the board, he can better maneuver it as he feels the water rise under him. He no longer tries to control his experience but knows how to ride it through. He works with it. He feels exhilarated as he realizes he and the water are one. He has learned to master the wave!

Learning to work with your emotions is just like this. When you first start out, you’re bound to get knocked around a bit. As the floodgates open, the gush of suppressed emotions from a lifetime may feel overwhelming. However, as you keep going, it gets easier.

As you become more and more clear, you trust your emotional guidance system. Your eyes and your heart are open, and you make better choices. The old drama gradually disappears as you remember you can choose peace instead of conflict. You are aware of the daily miracles being sent your way often in places you never expected. Your emotions add the color and flavor to life and, now, you relish them.”