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Sunday, September 25, 2005

How did I miss this column?

Mary Mitchell according to her column from earlier this past week she was married three times and only one of two turned out to be an absolute disaster. She however believes black people should get married. My question would just have to be why don't we.

He high school sweetheart was ruined (that's my term not her's) by his experience in Vietnam. That was her baby's daddy, by the way. Her first husband was an older man who wanted a babysitter for his children. Her second was a passionate one according to her however, "Unfortunately, the marriage broke down when being Ms. Reporter starting being more important than being a Mrs. Bigger mistake." And number three ended when he apparently couldn't keep his libido in check.

Marriage didn't work for her, according to her. Yet she writes a column titled, "Marriage is the salvation of black people". The question would have to be why. Marriage according to her provides a foundation for raising strong children and I'd believe that.

Here's an interesting quote from an author, Maryann Reid....

"There was a time, not too long ago, when black men would go to a club, see a woman and say, 'She's going to be my wife,'" Reid said. "Now, you have guyssaying, 'She's going to be my baby's mama.' "

What the hell happened? Well Ms. Reid is going to have a mass wedding ceremony on September 29, 2005 and it will be dubbed henceforth, "Marry Your Baby Daddy Day." So is one of the few people willing to tackle this issue head on.

So I guess there has always been an issue with illegitimacy of black children and the unwillingness of black men and women to marry. Also teenage pregnancy has proven to be an issue. Also black women are very unlikely to marry today. I think there is an issue of trust between the sexes. Guys need a whole lot of convincing and perhaps a little courage to go through with it while the ladies may just think that the guys are after them for one thing only. The thing is the ladies let them have it.

There are a lot of issues here. The most important one however is the children produced in these relationships. I have no doubt there was a stigma against this and the men stepped up to the plate, now they're loathe to do so. And the ladies struggle and perhaps with the belief that they don't need a man.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire one of my favorite sitcoms touched upon this issue. Will was sent to Bel-Aire to live with has aunt's family. While his daddy was absent until one episode of the program he had a surrogate in his uncle, despite the fact that he seemed to send his uncle into a near heart attack all the time. In additon to that the one episode where he does see his dad, as played by Ben Vereen, well it seems that this might be a budding relation until he finds an excuse to not take will with him on a run (he was a truck driver).

Right now there is an issue with young black men. WHERE ARE THE MEN? Why aren't they teaching in our schools? Why aren't they in the lives of our boys? We also need them in the lives of our girls but they seem to be able to make it. There are some issues, absolutely.

I know the subject has just changed but marriage is an important issue. I want to know why we're not getting married. Why are brothers afraid to make the leap and why the sistas aren't very trustful of the men? And we wonder why our children aren't doing so well. We could start by looking ourselves in the mirror. Only there will we get our answer.