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Sunday, 1 January 2017

Sunday In House Gists...

Anyone has anything Different to offer apart from copied Jokes?LOL

Now let me try something....lolI am something and my initials are exactly same with the business name of a Music promoter who is currently experiencing hiccups in his private life.I disappeared before Christmas but I will promised to be back in 15 days...can you nicely guess my name?lolThe winner of the in house gists gets 1500 recharge cards,it is already here with me.The collators of the result will also get recharge cards....LETS GO

84 comments:

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Bill.

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Clinton.

The driver replies, "I'm Bill Clinton's driver, and I just killed the pig."

I have been crying since morning when this fine babestopped me at SLOT Aba and told me that sheis looking forGOOGLE PLAYSTORE.I asked her Google Playstore how?..............She said her WhatsApp stopped working and herneighbour told her to go to Playstore and get a new one.Anyway as a good Samaritan I told her Playstore is nolonger in SLOTbut they have relocated to A-linethen i put herin a bus going to A-line ariaria.at least i did my part as a good Samaritan that is i.#adapted from fb#

Take away my first letter, and I still sound thesame. Take away my last letter, I still sound thesame. Even take away my letter in the middle, I willstill sound the same. I am a five letter word. Whatam I ?EMPTY

So a guy was very hungry and decided to crash any event to get something to eat,as he was walking he saw an occasion where people were having fun and drinking ND eating,he quickly entered and sat down

Soon the MC said;if you are from the grooms family please go the right,the guy quickly moved to the right and no one else followed, then the MC said if you are from the bride side pls go to the left,no one moved but were all laughing at the guy

Immediately the MC said ' BROS ABEG THIS NA BIRTHDAY PARTY NOR BE WEDDING OOO,NA ONLY YOU WAKA COME ABI' lol

#original...i created this joke from an experience my frnd told me about lol

WHO MUMU PASS?1. Hausa man who removed his shoes to enter a taxi2. Igbo man who went to the bank with a spanner to open abank account3. Yoruba man who went to bed with a ruler just to knowhowlong he slept.4. Tiv man who watched the news and waved at thenewscaster.5. An Efik nurse who woke up a sleeping patient simplybecauseshe forgot to give him sleeping pills.6. An Igala man who lowered his TV volume because hewantedto read a text message.7. An Ikwere man who polished his shoes to take a passportphoto8.An Isoko man who climbed a mango tree to check if themango was ripe enough then came down and startedthrowingstones at it9. A fulani man who choose to drink fanta because hethoughtsprite was unripe.10. A Gbagyi man who saw something like shit, touched andtasted then said "hmmmm"na shit oo!!! thank God oh say Inomarch am.11. An Idoma man who put his radio inside the refrigeratorbecause he wanted to listen to cool fm.....copied

Here goes my gist and this is an original gist. I hope I win the airtime. Leggo.

This happened in secondary school, a mixed school both of both male and female, Christian and Muslim. So now, different characters are bound to manifest. Hiaa Okay to the main gist, so a week to closure of schools, in one of the female hostels, haa one night o, some people were awake while some were asleep. What next shout in a near bye hostel, na so everyone jump up except the sleeping mofos, those sleeping mofos that even if you pour water, yimu they can't wake up. They were the only ones that were asleep, we had vigilantes so they were trying to pursue us for where we were clustered like sardines. We value our lives na. So people now asked what happened, said it was one girl that saw someone, a man and he was dragging her, we were like how wouldn't your hostel mates see him, at least one hostel mate. She said she don't know. One wicked senior like that started telling stories that she saw the man oh that she was scared, that he is tall, skinny, has long nails, has long hair, haa see fear, trust boarding school, some started crying, some started praying, me sef I was just shivering and shouting Jesus, was holding my close friend, we were like God for all the pranks we played, we are sorry that if we survive this few weeks, we will be serious with church, some girls were even urinating on their nightmare omo fear even catch the vigilantees sef. Na so dem call the girl, she was still shouting leave me, I don't want to marry you, omo fear enter gear 2, marriage kwa, an unknown human that looks like what I don't know is looking for who to marry, haa hay God not me o. See prayer come intensify, both Muslims and Christians, see cry, staffs and matron couldn't understand what was happening, console more than 200 girls haa. They now had to start their own prayers on the girl o, pour her anointing oil she come intensify the cry, like I don't love you, leave me, oya now shout Jesus she no gree, haa we were now like they should give us phones to call our loved ones and tell them bye bye in case, shuu them no gree, haa na so we dey drag till day reach. before seven, haa our matron took the girl hope, sanity was partially restored sha, later we heard that the girl just formed it that she was homesick, that after being denied the opportunity to go home after many trials, she decided to try that and it worked and she paid the senior money to move her ministry lol. Na so the term end o. She went home a week before closing before others making her holidays longer. Not to forget, she is a fine girl o, so we all believed, I think she is married now with kids and I am sure, she still remembers what she did. Lol secondary school was fun, at least prayer life of most people intensified.

That's my gist and it's original. I hope I made some BV's laugh and I hope to win. Thanks and happy 2017

This happened when I was in school ..so I came back from school to where my parents stay.. Every morning standing in d varendah, I see this cute guy, dressed to kill.. On shirts and better plain trouser with portfolio going to work.. I now turned a secret admirer. Everyday I will Stand in d varendah just to see him.. One day I was buying fries in d evening when someone tapped me and said hi nne... We talked and from there we became friends.. I asked him what he does for a living and he told me he was a "TILER".. me I no even understand which one be Dat.. And I kukuma no ask.. One day during discussion, d brother told me he will be going to work early cos he wl be going to his new site,where he is building a house.. In my mind I was so happy and shocked.. So dis man get house?? Was so fucking happy that I have hit the right person oo. Then one day I volunteered to come visit him in the site and he accepted and said if I dnt mind.. In my mind I was like nawa oo.. Why won't I go to see his house.. My future house.. (I don dey plan in my mind as our marriage wan go ooo... No blame me).. Dat was how I got to the site and called him that I'm there.. I was across d main road waiting for my supposed boo to come out nah.. Omo see my packaging(white leggings nice tee shirt and sneakers) that was how I saw someone wt cement bag designed as cap on his head coming to pick me.. I was like shuoo?? Abi my baby dey follow em workers work?? I didn't talk oo, I just followed him into the building... Only den did I realize Dat TILER na person wey dey put tiles for floor.. I nearly peed my pants.. Naso I help am fetch water to mix cement ooo until I tire.. Me sef come dey look like Mason myself. Nne after Dat day ooo... Our relationship come get k-leg oo.. I no fit jump from suffer to suffer head ooo

AKPOS: How far na for our discussion, you no go follow me go?SEYI LAW: I Don't think so. I'm just to occupied these days.AKPOS: Na wa for you o. You dey fall my hand too much. No yawa na.SEYI LAW: Whatever. Go look for someone else please, but Akpos, why don't you speak English? You always interact with pidgin English.AKPOS: Meaning?SEYI LAW: I'm using English and you are replying with pidgin English.AKPOS: I see.... You must be an idiot and if you aren't, you've made a world class effort at simulating one. I feel debased just knowing you exist. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprohagic cloacal parasitic pond scum. Goddamn living emptiness like you! Belligerent barratrous bigoted niccompuSEYI LAW: Wetin be all this one na?!!!AKPOS: So you can speak pidgin English too?

Tunde and his wife were the latest couple in town. One day, while strolling down the street, they came to a boutique and his wife saw a beautiful dress. Wife; Tunde, can you please give me about #10k to buy this dress I left my purse at home. Tunde brings out his wallet and gave her money. "Take #140 naira for transport. Go back to the house and bring your purse, i'll wait for you. #copied

If you think you're frustrated because MMM did willy-willy with your money, then you don't know the meaning of frustration!!!!! My friends you don't have an idea what frustration is !!!! You would know the meaning of frustration if you are an ANAMBRA man, you go for an oral English exams and the ask you to pronounce parallelogram! Or make a sentence with Parallelogram.. I mean PA-RAL-LO-GRAM!!! Not PALLALLELOGLAM!!! I'm out !