Monday, April 19, 2010

We (Jonathan and I) slept in. I got up about 7:30, but let him sleep until almost 10 a.m. Last night was late, what with all the ranting and raving going on.

When I woke up, the first thing I thought about was last night. I felt very tired. I'm just bouncing back from a virus, and felt like maybe I needed to go back to bed...for about a week. But I got up. I made coffee. I sat on the front porch. I drank coffee. I felt good. Thank God.

After Jonathan took care of Skip (the dog), I told him to shower and dress and get ready to go. We had things to do; places to go. 30 minutes later, I went up and told him "that's long enough!" and he turned off the shower. 30 minutes after that, I asked "Jonathan, what are you doing?" His reply was, "I'm getting ready to go!"

My pockets were so heavy. All I could say was, "Please hurry."

It was around Noon when we finally set out. He wanted me to take him bowling. "Jonathan, we have to get gas, go to the bank, and go to Target. I'm not sure if bowling is going to fit into out plans today." As far as his 14-year-old mind knew, everything was right in the world.

We went to the bank. He got a free pen. We filled up with gas. He had a nice conversation with Ed, the owner. "Mom, why does he always dress up?" he asked. "Because he's the boss!" I replied. Off to Target.

Call me a bad mom, if you must. The reason we went to Target was to buy me new underwear and bras. I did not allow Jonathan to leave my side. My phone rang; it was my sister. I handed her over to Jonathan, who was more than ELATED to take her call...anything to get away from looking at bras with his mother! Poor baby.

We descended upon the Women's department. "Mom, can I go down to Sporting Goods and meet you there?" Hmmm..."Okay, but don't leave that area. I'll be there in a few minutes." When I got there, he was nowhere to be found. I went around the store twice. I almost panicked, until I saw him. "Why didn't you stay where I told you to?" "Because I went looking for you, because you never showed up!" he replied. "Hey mom! Do you want to see if there are any good books?" I love my son, I really, really do.

We left Target, nearly $100 poorer, but happy with what we had...who isn't happy about new underwear and bras?! Jonathan hadn't had the time of his life, but he was okay. We did not go bowling. We came home. He took care of the dog "because it's part of how you love your pet" I reminded him. "Whatever" was his reply.

Jonathan chose turkey GLOPP for dinner. He was so happy, and excited that there's enough left for his breakfast in the morning. Right now, he's upstairs watching the movie, "Little Shop of Horrors." Tomorrow, he's spending Day 2 of Spring Break 2010 with me - at work - because I still don't trust him. It makes me sad, but it's for his own good...and my peace of mind. It's not my first choice, but it's the best choice.

God bless every parent out there who struggles with "entertaining" their children during a week-long break. Some kids have it better than others. Jonathan has it pretty good, in my eyes. Some day he'll get it.

Friday we will meet Warren in Connecticut and drive to New York City for the weekend. We get to go to the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, MOMA, and we have a really nice hotel to stay in! It's going to be great. Jonathan is not very excited.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I dislike that introduction very a lot. It is all about my incredibly loving, warm, sincere son whom I love with all my heart and soul and being. It hurts me to write this!But I have been deceived. Lied to. My heart has been ripped open, and a piece of me died today. All because my teenage son decided it was more important to lie to me than to tell someone else, "No!"

I've cried. I've yelled. For a few hours, I wouldn't let him be in a room without me in it. I did not trust him.In one of my pockets is his cell phone. Off limits, due to trust issues. In my other pocket is his iTouch. Off limits, due to trust issues. Internet? I don't think so! Not for a good long while. But I refuse to carry a computer in my pocket.

I know teenagers are mixed up and growing and changing and learning and figuring all at the same time. Some days, I'm surprised he wants to get up and do it all over again. Part of me thinks I would just beg illness. But he does get up. He goes to school because he enjoys it. Not so much for the academics (drat!), but because he needs to be with his peers. He loves his teachers, too. What parent doesn't want that for their child?

Right now, though, I'd rent him out for $2 an hour. Any takers? He's great at conversation, and will knock your socks off if you talk politics with him (best if you're a Democrat, I might add). He'll say the blessing over your meal and never even wince at being asked. And he's pretty good with etiquette, if you make sure the salad bowl is in the right spot.There's no way I'd wish to be 14 again. I've been there; I've done that; I do not want to ever go through that agony again. So I try to be patient. But now I'm the parent. I try to remember if I ever pulled anything like this? Maybe? Most of me says, "No way!" but then, what the heck do teenagers remember? Why would I keep that memory?

I could ask my Dad, but part of me thinks that one of the roles of being a parent is to "conveniently forget" things your children did as teenagers. Once they become responsible, self-sustaining adults, who wants to talk about the arguments and denials and b.s?

My pockets are filled with "I don't trust you" things tonight. They'll remain full until it feels safe to give them back...which might be awhile! But, as I told my wonderful, loving son earlier this evening: "There is nothing in this world that could take away my love for you, be it anger, distrust, disappointment...whatever happens - whatever becomes of you - I will be your mother and I will love you!"

Hopefully...that sounds so selfish!...some day, he will repeat those words to his own teenager.