Comfortably Numb

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Maybe it’s just the wretched awful bout of PMS I’m dealing with, but everything kinda feels the same. In that everything feels like nothing.

What’s the point? We are all going to just die in the end anyways right? And nobody, I mean nobody, feels the fact that we are all going to die like a mortician. Especially one with major anxiety issues. (Points to self) Eeesh.

This year. With its shitty “Take more than you give. And then smack you in your dirty whore mouth” attitude has essentially put a choke hold on all the enthusiasm and lust I feel for life. But, to be fair, it wasn’t very much to start with anyhow.

See, it’s like we are being bombarded from all sides. And it’s making it hard to breathe. It’s kind of like I’m freezing to death and everything in me is systematically shutting down for my own protection.

Shhhh shhhh shhhhh. Sleep.

But I don’t want to sleep. I also, don’t want to live in a constant state of fear. Nor do I want to live in gut-wrenching, ulcer causing anger. As all of that will have me dead before I see the end of 2017.

The problem is that when life becomes so overwhelming, and everything is shutting down, it’s hard to know where to start combating the cold. My toes ache. My heart doesn’t beat, but slowly churns and sputters like an old car engine on a frigid Michigan morning. Just turns, unable to fire. My fingers have iced over and my gangrene tips are as black as the American soul.

There’s no where to go. Nothing to do but sit in the cold. And let it take you.

The bees are dying. Elon Musk warns of our ever impending obsolescence at the hands of robot technology. School shootings feel like a monthly occurrence. Aleppo. Just period the end. Aleppo. And the bigger picture, Syria. Standing Rock. The Kardashians. Trump as our President. Pence as our Vice President. Half of America totally cool with the fact that our President bragged about being able to sexually molest women. Ugghhh “rape culture”. Brock Turner. The list goes on and on.

And I’m like, ah! I want to help. Or maybe I’ll just drink and pass out and see what fresh hell tomorrow brings?

How could you not want to choose to just sleep? How could your only option not be to choose apathy merely from a place of self-preservation? It feels like the only way I can keep my heart from imploding.

But sleep isn’t the answer is it? No, dude, it’s not. Don’t say yes.

So how do we overcome this? First we have to acknowledge that we as a society have grown complacent. Because it is easy to believe that we haven’t by reading the barrage of stupidity and self righteousness that trails most Facebook posts and mistaking that for human courage and the American Spirit. We, myself included, have been conditioned to believe that by simply hitting ‘share’ on a Facebook post that we have done our civic duty. Or, that by yelling at one another into the void of the inter-web, that we have taken a stand. And, even I’m getting a little lazy and complacent as of late, if I’m to be entirely honest. When I was younger I helped organize a Take Back the Night Rally, I participated in a protest denouncing police brutality against the homeless, and I did other things that I cannot put in print because they may or may not have been illegal’ish. And now I’m kind of just tired. From fighting. From living.

Second, we have to realize that we are a nation divided. And that we don’t have to be. (Sigh) Somehow this feels the hardest to explain because maybe in my eyes it seems so simple.

So let me put it to you like this.

Nearly all humans are colossal assholes.

Some of these assholes are Democrats.

Some of these assholes are Republicans.

Not all Democrats. And not all Republicans are assholes.

So stop thinking that these wack-a-doos represent our stance on our lives in America. I know that the wackiest “Conservatives” don’t represent the majority. Nor do the nutter-butter “Liberals” represent me. And we have to stop shouting from the mountain tops about how “dumb” the other side is. Because right now we all look pretty stupid from where I’m standing.

To defeat this we must stop falling into the trap of Binary Opposition. What is that? It is simply the idea that everything falls into two categories. The idea of labeling helps us to understand. To feel safe. To feel warm. To know. And, to feign comfort. It is unnecessary. And most importantly dangerous. Like blinders on a Clydesdale horse. It keeps a powerful animal from being distracted from the outside world.

Because the truth is. We are all the same.

And I know. I’ve been wrist deep in the dead. And I promise you. YOU ALL LOOK THE SAME INSIDE.

So I am begging you. Wake up. This system was designed to keep us at each others throats. And while I could offer a few hopeful solutions that can get us on track towards righting our wrongs. I just want to offer this one.

Stop the unending divide among humans. It is the proof that we are the ultimate infinite integer. Whole. Yet never ceasing to be divisible just once more.

Everyone at the top has us distracted. Fighting for the scraps of imaginary power. So that they may live in comfort and security. Without any real fear of ever lacking fresh water, food, home, education, safety, etc. Because they will always own the roads of access to those things. This was true in the beginning of America, when the rich realized that if the poor whites and the slaves figured out they were both being screwed they could team-up and completely annihilate the wealthy. So, to distract the poor whites they gave them guns and said, “You’re in charge now.” And this is essentially the same practice used today.*

But again, I promise you. Under our skin we are the same color. Under our thoracic cavity the same heart beats. The same lungs yearn for air. And the same liver, that processes the alcohol we drink to numb ourselves, or get through writing a blog piece.

Look. You don’t have to say anything to this now. Mull it over. Think. We have the rest of our lives to come together. However short or long. But hopefully long. So, you don’t have to say anything now. But. Just nod if you can hear me.

*P.S. If you want to see another historical example of how this works I pilfered through some sites and thought this was a decent enough explanation of the Rwandan Genocide.

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Published by DeathAndTheCity

I'm a licensed funeral director living in Los Angeles. This is a place to put my thoughts so I'm not always blowing up my friends' Facebook feed or Twitter with my asinine musings on life and death, and that cliché idea of, everything in between.
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