December 5, 2017Why you shouldn’t go to Taylor Swift’s Australian stadium tour

OMG, Tay Tay just announced she’s heading to Australia in October and November of 2018 as part of her Reputation world tour. You totes have to get tickets. Oh wait, just kidding.

Have you actually heard this album? It’s akin to getting a root canal while watching your 7-year-old cousins’ dance recital, only worse, because Swift isn’t even family. Anyway, if Reputation isn’t enough to deter you (or its epically scathing D-graded Pitchfork review), how about the fact that she is a really, really bad role model who empowers no woman other than herself and her “girl squad” made up exclusively of famous, white, attractive models and celebrities?

When Swift dropped the first track from this cringefest of an album, Look What You Made Me Do, social media went crazy, declaring her a ‘bad bitch’ who can handle her own in the ring. But wait, what? Writing a song that simply rags on the people who rag on you isn’t really handling anything, is it? Y’all ever heard of Gandhi? Swifty’s making the whole world go blind, one song at a time.

This whole album is supposed to be a sonic middle finger to the ‘snakes’ in her life (Kim & Kanye, Katy Perry, etc), but really it’s just an incredibly vanilla, mass-produced pop candy diss track disguised as a girl power anthem. How is being a snake sticking it to the other snakes? Spoiler: it’s not. You’re just hissing louder and making more money. While we’re at it, this is the first and last time I will ever publically applaud Kim Kardashian, because although a menace to society, she called Swift out on her BS when everybody else was too afraid to. When Swift went crying to the press, saying Kanye had never warned her about the lyrics in his track Famous, Kim & Kanye said she was lying, but nobody believed them. But recorded phone conversations don’t lie, T-swizzle. You guilty.

Of course, the commendable, mature way to handle the situation would be to admit responsibility, ask for forgiveness and get on with things. Instead, Swift releases an entire album’s worth of ill will. Also, Tay’s been awfully quiet on the political front this year, failing to use her platform to give a voice to those oppressed by her country’s current leadership, ie. women, but that’s ‘cause Trump fans pay for her houses in the Hamptons. Do us all a favour – don’t pay for her tour to our shores.