Like Will to Like

Ulpian Fulwell

A pleasant Enterlude intituled Like will to Like quoth the Devill
to the Collier. Wherin is declared what punishments followe
those that will rather live licentiously then esteeme and followe
good Councell. And what benefits they receive that apply
themselves to vertuous living and good exercises. Made by Ulpian
Fulwel.

Five may easily play this Enterlude.
The Prologue Haunce
Tom Tospot For one Vertuous Life For one.
Hankin Hangman Gods Promise
Tom Collier Cuthert Cutpurs

THE PROLOGUE
Cicero in his book De Amicitia these woords dooth expresse,
Saying nothing is more desirous then like is unto like;
Whose woords are most true and of a certainty doubtles:
For the vertuous doo not the vertuous company mislike.
But the vicious dooth the vertuous company eschue:
And like wil unto like, this is most true.

It is not my meaning your eares for to wery
With harkening what is the effect of our matter:
But our pretence is to moove you to be mery,
Merily to speak, meaning no man to flatter;
The name of this matter, as I said while ere,
Is 'Like wil to Like; quod the Devil to the Collier.\'92

Sith pithie proverbs in our English rung doo abound,
Our author thought good such a one for to chuse,
As may shew good example, and mirth may eke be found;
But no lascivious toyes he purposeth to use.
Heerin, as it were in a glasse, see you may
The advauncement of vertue, and of vice the decay.

To what ruin ruffins and roisters are brought
You may heer see of them the finall end.
Begging is the best though that end be naught;
But hanging is woorse if they doo not amend.
The vertuous life is brought to honor and dignitie,
And at the last to everlasting eternitie.

And because divers men of divers mindes be,
Some doo matters of mirth and pastime require:
Other some are delighted with matters of gravitie.
To please all men is our authors cheef desire,
Wherfore mirth with mesure to sadnes is annexed,
Desiring that none heer at our matter wil be parplexed.

Thus, as I said, I wil be short and breef,
Because that from this dump you shall releeved be;
And the Devil with the Colier, the theef that seeks the theef,
Shall soon make you merry, as shortly you shall see;
And sith mirth for sadnes is a sauce most sweet,
Take mirth then with measure that best sauceth it.
Finis

Heer entreth Nichol Newfangle, the Vice, laughing, and hath
a knave of clubs in his hand, which as soon as he speaketh
he offreth unto one of the men or boyes standing by.

[NEWFANGLE] Ha, ha, ha, ha, now like unto like: it wil be none other.
Stoup, gentle knave, and take up your brother.
Why, is it so? and is it even so indeed?
Why, then, may I say God send us good speed!
And is every one heer so greatly unkinde,
And I am no sooner out of sight, but quite out of minde?
Mary, this wil make a man even weep for woe;
That on such a sodain no man wil him knowe,
Though men be so dangerous now at this day:
Yet are women kinde woorms, I dare wel say.
How say you, woman, you, that stand in the angle,
Were you never acquainted with Nichol Newfangle?
Then I see Nichol Newfangle is quite forgot;
Yet you wil know me anon, I dare ieopard a grote.
Nichol Newfangle is my name; doo you me not knowe?
My whole education to you I wil showe.
For first, before I was born, I remember very well
That my gransier and I made a iourney into hell,
Where I was bound prentice before my nativitie
To Lucifer himself, such was mine agilitie.
All kinde of sciences he taught unto me,
That to the maintenance of pride might best agree.
I learned to make gowns with long sleeves and winges;
I learned to make ruffs like calves chitterlings,
Caps, hats, cotes,and all kinde of apparails,
And especially breeches as big as good barrels.
Shoos, boots, buskins, with many prity toyes;
All kinde of garments for men, women, and boyes.
Know ye me not now? I thought that at the last
All acquaintance from Nichol Newfangle is not past.
Nichol Newfangle was, and is, and ever shalbe;
And there are but few that are not acquainted with me,
For so soon as my prentishood was once come out
I went by and by the whole world about.
Heer the Devil entreth but speaketh not yet
Sancte benedicite, who have we heere?
Tom Tumbler, or els some dauncing beare?
Body of me, it were best goe no neere:
For ought that I see, it is my godfather Lucifer,
Whose prentice I have been this many a day,
But no more words but mum, you shall heare what he wil say.

This name Lucifer must written on his back and on his brest
LUCIFER Howe, mine own boy, I am glad that thou art heere!
NEWFANGLE He speaketh to you, sir, I pray you come neer.

Pointing to one standing by
LUCIFER Nay, thou art even he of whom I am wel appaid.
NEWFANGLE Then speak aloof of; come nie I am afraid.
LUCIFER Why to, my boy, as though thou didst never see me?
NEWFANGLE Yes, godfather, but I am afraid it is now as often times it is with thee.
For if my dame and thou bast been tumbling by the eares,
As oftentimes you doo, like a couple of great beares,
Thou carest not whom thou killest in thy raging minde.
Doost thou not remember since thou brusedst me behinde?
This hole in thy fury didst thou disclose,
That now may a tent be put in, as big as thy nose.
This was when my dame called thee bottle-nosed knave,
But I am like to cary the mark to my grave.

LUCIFER Oh my good boy, be not afraid,
For no such thing hath happened as thou hast saide.
But come to me, my boye, and blesse thee I wil,
And see that my precepts thou doo fulfill.

NEWFANGLE Wel, godfather, if you will say ought to me in this case.
Speak, for in faith I meane not to kneell to that ill face.
If our Lady of Walsingham had no fairer face and visage,
By the masse, they were fooles that would goe to her on pilgremage.

LUCIFER Wel, boy, it shall not greatly skil
Whether thou stand, or whether thou kneele.
Thou knowest what sciences I have thee taught,
Which are able to bring the world to nought.
For thou knowest that through pride from heaven I was cast,
Even unto hell, wherfore see thou make haste
Such pride through new fashions in mens harts for to sowe
That those that use it may have the like overthrowe.
From vertue procure men to set their minds aside,
And wholy imploy it to all sinne and pride.
Let thy newfangled fashions bear such a sway
That a rascall be as proud as he that best may.

NEWFANGLE Tush, tush, that is alredy brought to passe,
For a very skip-iack is prouder, I swere by the mas,
And seeketh to goe more gayer and brave,
Then dooth a lord, though himselfe be a knave.

LUCIFER I can thee thank, that so wel thou hast plaid thy part;
Such as doo so shall soon feel the smart.
Sith that thou hast thus doon, there remaineth behinde
That thou in another thing shew thy right kinde.

NEWFANGLE Then, good godfather, let me heare thy minde.

LUCIFER Thou knowest that I am bothe proud and arrogant,
And with the proud I wil ever be conversant;
I cannot abide to see men that are vicious
Accompany themselves with such as be vertuous,
Wherfore my minde is, sith thou thy part canst play,
That thou adioyne like to like alway.

NEWFANGLE I never loved that wel, I swere by this day.

LUCIFER What, my boy?

NEWFANGLE Your minde is, sith I fast three meales every Good Friday,
That I eat nothing but onions and leekes alway.

NEWFANGLE Tush, tush, godfather Devil, for that have thou no care:
Thou knowest that like wil to like, quod the Devil to the Colier.
And thou shalt see that such a match I shall make anon
That thou shalt say I am thy good, good, sweet, sweet godson.

LUCIFER I wil give thee thanks when thou hast so doon.
Heer entreth the Colier
NEWFANGLE Wel, godfather, no more words, but mum,
For yonder comes the Collier, as seemeth me.
By the mas, he wil make a good mate for thee.
What, olde acquaintance, small remembraunce?
Welcome to town with a very vengeance!
Now welcome, Tom Colier, give me thy hand:
As very a knave as any in England.

COLLIER By masse, God amarcy, my vreend Nichol!

NEWFANGLE By God, and welcome, ientle Tom Lickhole!

COLLIER Cham glad to zee thee mery, my vreend Nickol.
And how doost thou now a dayes, good Nickole?

NEWFANGLE And nothing els but even plain Nichol?

COLLIER I pray thee tell me how doost, good vreend Lickhole.

NEWFANGLE It is turned from Nichol to Lick hole with Tom Colier.
I say no more, Tom, but hold thy nose there.

COLLIER To every bushel cha zolde three peck;
Loe, here be the empty zacks on my neck.
Cha begilde the whorsons that of me ha bought:
But to begile me was their whole thought.

NEWFANGLE But hast thou no conscience to begile thy poore neighbour?

COLLIER No, mary, zo I may gain vor my labour.
It is a common trade now a daies, this is plain,
To cut one anothers throte vor lucar and gaine.
A small vaut as the world is now brought to passe.

NEWFANGLE Thou art a good fellow. I swere, by the masse;
As fit a companion for the Devil as may be.
Lo, good father Devil, this felow wil I match with thee.

LUCIFER And good Tom Collier, thou art welcom to me.
He taketh him by the hand

COLLIER God a mercy, good Devil, charn glad of thy company.

LUCIFER Like wil to like, I see very wel.

NEWFANGLE Godfather, wilt thou daunce a little, before thou goe
home to hell?

LUCIFER I am content, so that Tom Colier doo agree.
COLLIER I wil never refuse, Devil, to daunce with thee.

NEWFANGLE Then, godfather, name what the daunce shall be.

LUCIFER Tom Colier of Croydon hath solde his cole.

NEWFANGLE Why then, have at it, by my fathers soule!.

Nichol Newfangle must have a gittern, or some other
Instrument, if he may, but if they have none they must
daunce about the place all three, and sing this song that
followeth, which must be doon though they have aninstrument

The Song
Tom Colier of Croydon hath solde his coles,
and made his market today:
And now he daunceth with the Devil,
for like wil to like alway.
Wherfore let us reioyce and sing,
let us be mery and glad:
Sith that the Colier and the Devill
this match and daunce hath made.
Now of this daunce we make an end,
with mirth and eke with ioy:
The Colier and the Devill wil be
much like to like alway.
Finis
NEWFANGLE Aha, mary, this is trim singing!
I had not thought the Devil to be so cunning.
And, by the mas, Tom Colier is as good as he:
I see that like with like wil ever agree.

NEWFANGLE By my troth, godfather, that blessing I doo not crave.
But if you goe your way, I wil doo my diligence,
As wel in your absence as in your presence.

LUCIFER But thou shalt salute me,, or I goe doutles,
That in thy dooings thou maist have the better successe.
Wherfore kneel down and say after me.

NEWFANGLE When the Devil wil have it so, it must needs so be.
He kneleth downe
What shal I say, bottel nosed godfather, canst thou tel?
LUCIFER All haile, Oh noble prince of hel.

NEWFANGLE All my dames cow tailes fel down into the wel.

LUCIFER I wil exalt thee above the clowdes.

NEWFANGLE I wil sault thee, and hang thee in the shrowdes.

LUCIFER Thou art the inhauncer of my renowne.

NEWFANGLE Thou art Haunce, the hangman of Callis town.

LUCIFER To thee be honour alone.

NEWFANGLE To thee shall come our hobling Jone.

LUCIFER Amen.

NEWFANGLE Amen.

LUCIFER Now farwel, my boy, farwel hartely.

NEWFANGLE Is there never a knave heer wil keep the Devil company?
Farwel, godfather, for thou must goe alone:
I pray thee come hether again anon.

Exit Lucifer
Mary, heere was a benediction of the Devils good grace:
Body of me, I was so afrayd I was like to bestench theplace!
My buttocks made buttons of the new fashion
While the whorson Devil was making his salutation.
But, by the masse, I am as glad as ever was Madge Mare
That the whorson Devil is ioyned with the knave Coliar.
As fit a match as ever could be pickt out:
What saist thou, Jone, with the long snout?
Tom Tospot commeth in with a fether in his hat
But who comes yonder, puffing as whot as, a black pudding?
I holde it is a ruffin, if a goose goe a gooding.

TOSSPOT Gogs hart and his guts, is not this too bad?

Bloud, wounds and nailes, it wil make a man mad!

NEWFANGLE I warant you heere is a lusty one, very brave.
I think anon he wil swere himself a knave.

TOSSPOT Many a mile have I ridden, and many a mile have I gone,
Yet can I not finde for me a fit companion.
Many there be which my company would frequent,
If to doo as they doo I would be content.
They would have me leave off my pride and swearing,
My new fangled fashions, and leave of this wearing.
But rather then I such companions wil have,
I wil see a thousand of them laid in their grave,
Similis similem sibi quaerit, such a one doo I seek,
As unto my self in every condition is like.

NEWFANGLE Sir, you are welcome; ye seem to be an honest man,
And I wil help you in this matter as much as I can;
If you tary heer a while, I tel you in good sooth,
I wil finde one as fit for you as a pudding for a friers mouth.

TOSSPOT I thank you, my freend, for your gentle offer to me.
I pray you, tell me what your name may be.

NEWFANGLE Me think by your apparell you have had me in regard:
I pray you, of Nichol Newfangle have you never heard?

TOSSPOT Nichole Newfangle? Why, we are of old acquaintance.

NEWFANGLE By my troth, your name is quite out of my remembrance!

TOSSPOT At your first comming into England, wel I wot,
You were very wel acquainted with Tom Tospot.

NEWFANGLE Tom Tospot? Sancti amen, how you were out of my minde!

TOSSPOT You know when you brought into England this new fangled kinde,
That Tospots and Ruffins with you were first acquainted.

NEWFANGLE It is even so, Tom Tospot, as thou hast saide.

TOSSPOT It is an olde saying,,that mountains and hills never meet,
But I see that men shall meet though they doo not seek,
And I promise you more ioy in my hart I have found
Then if I had gained an hundred pound.

NEWFANGLE But I am as glad as one had given me a grote,
That I have met with thee, Tom Tospot.
And seeing a mate thou wouldst so faine have,
I wil ioyne thee with one that shalbe as very a knave
As thou art thyselfe, you may beleeve me;
Thou shalt see anon what I wil doo for thee.
For you seek as very a knave as, you yourselfe are:
For like wil to like, quod the Devil to the Coliar.

NEWFANGLE Beholde, Torn Tospot, even in pudding time,
Yonder commeth Rafe Roister, an olde freend of mine.
By the mas, for thee he is so fit a mate
As, Tom and Tib for Kit and Kate.
Now welcome, my freend Rafe Roister, by the masse.

ROISTER And I am glad to see you heere in this place.

NEWFANGLE Bid him welcome; hark, he can play a knaves part.

TOSSPOT My freend, you are welcome with all my hart.

ROISTER God a mercy, good fellowe, tel me what thou art.

NEWFANGLE As very a knave as thou, though the best be to bad.

TOSSPOT I am one which of thy company would be very glad.

ROISTER And I wil not your company refuse of a certaintie,
So that to my conditions your maners doo agree.

TOSSPOT It should appeere, by your sayings, that we are of one mind,
For I knowe that roisters and tospots come of one kinde.
And as our names be much of one accord, and much like,
So I think our condicions be not far unlike.

ROISTER If your name to me you will declare and showe,
You may in this matter my minde the sooner knowe.

TOSSPOT Few woords are best among freends, this is true;
Wherfore I shall breefly shew my name unto you.
Tom Tospot it is, it need not be painted,
Wherfore with Rafe Roister I must needs be acquainted.

NEWFANGLE In faith, Rafe Roister, if thou wilt be ruled by me,
We wil daunce hand in hand, like knaves all three.
It is as Impossible for thee his company to deny
As it is for a cammel to creep through a needles eye.
Therfore bid him welcome, like a knave as thou art.

ROISTER By my troth, Tom Tospot, you are welcome with all my hart.

TOSSPOT I thank you that mine acquaintance you wil take in good part,
And, by my troth, I wil be your sworn brother.

NEWFANGLE Tush, like wil to like, it wil be none other.
For the vertuous wil alwaies the vertuous company seek out:
A gentleman never seeketh the compan of a lout;
And roisters and ruffians do sober company eschue:
For like wil ever to like, this is moste true.

ROISTER Now, freend Tom Tospot, seeing that we are bretheren sworne,
And neither of our companies from other may be forborne,
The whole trade of my life to thee I wil declare.

TOSSPOT And to tell you my properties also I shall not spare.

NEWFANGLE Then, my maisters, if you will awhile abide it,
Ye shall see two such knaves so lively described
That, if hel should be raked even by and by indeed,
Such another couple cannot be found, I swere by my creed.
Go to, sirs, say on your whole mindes,
And I shall paint you out in your right kindes.
First, Tom Tospot, plead thou thy, cause and thy name,
And I wil sit in this chaire and ive sentence on the same.
I will play the Iudge, and in this matter give judgement.
How say you, my maisters, are you so content?.

ROISTER By my troth, for my part, therto I do agree.

TOSSPOT I were to blame if any fault should be in me.

NEWFANGLE Then that I be in office, neither of you doo grudge?
BOTH No, indeed.

NEWFANGLE Where learned you to stand capt before a Iudge?
You sowterly knaves, shew you all your manners a once?

ROISTER Why, Nichole, all we are content.

NEWFANGLE And am I plaine Nichole? and yet it is my arbitrement,
To iudge which of you two is the veriest knave?
I am Maister Nichole Newfangle, both gay and brave.
For seeing you make me your Iudge, I trowe,
I shall teach you both your leripup to knowe.

He fighteth

TOSSPOT Stay yourself, I pray you hartely.

ROISTER I pray you, be content, and we wil be more manerly.

NEWFANGLE Nay, I cannot put up such an iniury;
For, seing I am in office, I wil be known therefore:
Fend your heds, sirs, for I wil fight once more.

He fighteth againe

ROISTER I pray you be content, good gentle maister Nichole.

TOSSPOT I never saw the like, by gogs Soule.

NEWFANGLE Wel, my maisters, because you doo intend,
To learn good manners, and your conditions to amend
I wil have but one fit more, and so make an end.

He fighteth againe

ROISTER I pray you, Sir, let us no more,contead.

NEWFANGLE Mary, this hath brethed me very wel:
Now let me heare how you your tales can tel.
And I, maister Iudge, wil so bring to passe,
That I wil iudge who shalbe Knave of Clubs at Christmas.

TOSSPOT Gogs wounds, I am like Phalaris, that made a bul of brasse -

NEWFANGLE Thou art like a false knave now, and ever more was.

TOSSPOT Nay, I am like Phalaris that made a bul of brasse,
As a cruell torment for such as did offend,
And he himself first therin put was:
Even so are we brought to this end
In ordaining him a iudge, who wil be honored as a God,
So for our own tailes we have made a rod.

ROISTER And I am served is Haman, that preparde -

NEWFANGLE How was he served, I pray thee, doo me tel?

ROISTER Whom I speak of thou knowest not wel.

NEWFANGLE Thou art served as Hary hangman, captain of the black garde.

ROISTER Nay, I am served as Haman, that preparde
A high paire,of gallous for Mardocneus the Jew,
And was the first that theron was hanged:
So I feele the smart of mine owne rod, this is true.
But heerafter I wil learn to be wise,
And ere I leap once, I wil look twice.

TOSSPOT But that you are a iudge, I would say unto you,
Knaves are Christen men, els you are a Jew.

NEWFANGLE He calleth me knave by craft, doo you not see?
Sirra, I wil remember it when you think not on me.
Wel, say what thou canst for thine own behoof.
If thou prove thyself the verier knave by good proof,
Thou must be the elder brother and have the patrimony.
And when he hath said, then doo thou reply.
Even Thomas a Watrings or Tiburn hil
To the falsest theef of you both, by my fathers wil.
ROISTER I pray your, sir, what is that patrimony?

NEWFANGLE I pray you, leave your curtesie, and I will tel you by and by.
If he be the more knave, the patrimony he must have;
But thou shalt have it, if thou prove thyself the verier knave.
A peece of ground it is, that on beggers maner doth holde,
And whoso deserves it, shal have it, ye may be bolde,
Called Saint Thomas a Watrings, or els Tiburn Hil,
Given and so bequethed to the falsest knave by wil.

TOSSPOT Then I trow I am he that this patrimony shal possesse,
For I am Tom Tospot to use this trade doutles:
From morning til night I sit tossing the black bole,
Then come I home, and pray for my fathers soule,
Saying my praiers with wounds, bloud, guts and hart,
Swearing and staring; thus play I my parte.
If any poore man have in a whole week earned a grote,
He shal spend it in one houre in tossing the pot.
I use to call servants and poore men to my company,
And make them spend all they have unthriftily;
So that my company they think to be so good,
That in short space their haire growes through their hood.

NEWFANGLE But wil no gossips keep thee company now and than?
TOSSPOT Tush, I am acquainted with many a woman,
That with me wil sit in every house and place:
But then their husbands had need to fend their face.
For when they come home, they wil not be afeard
To shake the goodman, and sometime shave his beard.
And as for Flemish servants, I have such a train,
That wil quasse and carous, and therin spend their gain.
From, week to week I have [all] this company;
Wherfore I am woorthy to have the patrimony.

NEWFANGLE Thus thou maist be called a knave in graine,
And where knaves be scant, thou maist goe for twaine.
But now, Rafe Roister, let me heare what thou cans say.

ROISTER You know that Rafe Roister I am called alway,
And my conditions in knavery so far doo surmount
That to have this patrimony I make mine account.
For I intice yong gentlemen all vertue to eschewe,
And to give them to riotousnes, this is true.
Serving men by me are also seduced,
That all in bravery their mindes are confused.
Then, if they have not themselves to maintaine,
To pick and to steale they must be fain.
And I may say to you, I have such a traine
That some time I pitch a feeld on Salisbury Plain.
And much more, if need were, I could say verily;
Wherfore I am woorthy to have the patrimony.

NEWFANGLE He that should iudge this matter had need have more wit then I;
But seeing that you have referred it unto my arbitrement,
In faith I wil give such equall iudgement,
That both of you shall be wel pleased and content.

ROISTER Nay, I have not doon, for I can say much more.

NEWFANGLE Wel, I will not have you contend any more;
But this farme which to beggers manner dooth appertaine
I wil equally devide betweene you twaine.
Are you not content that so it shall be?

BOTH As it pleaseth you, so shall we agree.
NEWFANGLE Then see that anon you come bothe unto me.

ROISTER Sir, for my parte, I thank you hartely.
I promised of late to come unto a company,
Which at Hob Filchers for me doo remain:
God be with you, and anon I wil come again.

TOSSPOT Farwel, brother Rafe, I wil come to you anon.
NEWFANGLE Cum again, for you shal not so sodainly be gon.
See you not who cums yonder? An old frend of yours;
One that is redy to quasse at all houres.

Heer entreth Haunce with a pot,
and singeth as foloweth. He singeth
the first two lines, and speaketh the
rest as stammering as may be

HAUNCE Quas in hart and quas again, and quas about the house a,
And tosse the black bole to and fro, and I brinks them all carous a.
Be go-go-gogs nowns, cha-cha drunk zo-zo much today
That, be-be-be masse, I cham a moste drunk ich da-dadare zay,
Chud spe-spe-spend a goo-goo-good grote
Tha-that ich cud vi-vinde my ca-ca-chaptain To-to-tom Tospot.

NEWFANGLE Sit down, good Haunce, lest thou lye on the ground.
He seteth him in the chaire
He knoweth not Tom Tospot, I dare ieopard twenty pound.

TOSSPOT He will know me by and by, I holde you a crown.
How doost thou, servaunt Haunce? How commeth this to passe?

TOSSPOT Now, Haunce, right now thou drankst to me;
Drink again, and I wil pledge thee.

HAUNCE Omni-po-po-potenti, all the po-po-pot is emptie.

NEWFANGLE Why, Haunce, thou hast Latin in thy belly, me think:
I thought there was no room for Latin, there is so much drink.

HAUNCE Ich le-le-lernd zome La-la-laten when ich was a la-la-lad:
Ich ca-ca-can zay tu es nebulo, ich learnd of my dad.
And ich did once he-he-help the pre-pre-preest to zay masse:
By gis, ma-man, ich ha been cunning when twas.

TOSSPOT I knew Haunce when he was as he saith,
For he was once a scholler in good faith.
But through my company he was withdrawn from thence,
Through his riote and excessive expence,
Unto this trade which now you doo in him see:
So that now he is wholy addicted to followe me,
And one of my garde he is now become.
Wel, Haunce, wel, thou wast once a white sonne!

NEWFANGLE Now, so God help me, thou art a pritty felowe, Haunce,
A clene-legged gentleman, and as proper a praunce
As any I know between this and Fraunce.

NEWFANGLE Wast thou almost down, Haunce? So think I.
But thou art sick, me think by thy,groning:
He grones like a beare when he is a-moning
Hark how his head akes, and his pulses doo beate:
I think he wil be hanged, his belly is so great.

HAUNCE Go-go-god a mercy, Tom, withall my hart.

NEWFANGLE If thou canst not leap, Haunce, let me see thee drink a quart,
And get thee out abroad into the aire.
TOSSPOT Tush, he had more need to keep his chaire
Sit down, Haunce, and thou shalt see anon
Philip Fleming wil come and fetch thee home.

Haunce sitteth in the chaire, and snorteth
as though he were fast asleep

NEWFANGLE I pray thee, Tom Tospot, is this one of thy men?

TOSSPOT He is a companion of mine now and then.

NEWFANGLE By the faith of my body, such carpenter, such chips;
And as the wise man saith, such letice, such lips.
For like maister, like men; like tutor, like scholer;
And like wil to like, quoth the Devil to the Colier.

TOSSPOT There is no remedy, for it must needs so be;
Like wil to like, you may beleeve me.

Philip Fleming entreth with a pot in his hand

NEWFANGLE Loe, where Phillip Fleming commeth even in pudding time!

TOSSPOT He bringeth in his hand either good ale or els good wine.

PHILLIP FLEMING singeth these foure lines following
Troll the bole and drink to me, and troll the bole again-a,
And put a browne tost in the pot, for Phillip Flemmings brain-a,
And I shall tosse it to and fro, even round about the house-a:
Good hostice, now let it be so, I brinks them all carous-a.

FLEMING Mary, heer is a pot of nappy good ale,
As pure as christall, pure and stale.
Now a crab in the fire, were woorth a good grote,
That I might quasse with my captain Tom Tospot.
What, I can no sooner wish,, but by and by have!
God save mine eyesight, me think I see a knave.
What captain, how goeth the world with you?

TOSSPOT Why, now I see the olde proverb to be true
Like wil to like, both with Christian, Turk, and Jew.
Mary, Phillip, even as I was wont to doo.

FLEMING, Rafe Roister tolde me I should finde Haunce heere.
Where is he, that he dooth not appeere?

NEWFANGLE I holde twenty pound the knave is blinde.
Turn about, Phillip Fleming, and look behinde.
Hast thou drunk so much that thine eyes be out?
Lo, how he snorteth like a lazy lout.
Goe to him, for he sleepeth sound,
Two such paunches in all England can scant be found.

HAUNCE Sanctum Benedicitum, what have I dremed?
By gogs nowns, chad thought ich had been in my bed.
Cha dremed such a dreme that thou wilt mervaile to heere.
Me thought ich was drowned in a barell of beere,
And by and by the barrel was turned to a ship,
Which me thought the winde made lively to skip.
And ich did sail therin from Flaunders to Fraunce:
At last ich was brought hether among a sort of knaves by chaunce.

NEWFANGLE Goe: before, maister lickhole, and I wil come by and by.
Mates matched togither, departe you three;
I wil come after, you may beleeve-me.
They three are gone togither, and Nichole
Newfangle remaineth behinde, but he must
not speak til they be within.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Now three knaves are gone, and I am left alone,
My selfe heere to solace;
Wel doon, gentle Ione, why begin you to mone?
Though they be gone, I am in place.
And now I wil daunce, now wil I praunce,
For why I have none other woork:
Snip, snap, butter is no bone meat;
Knaves flesh is no porke.
Hey tisty tosty, an ole is a bird:
Iack-a-napes hath an olde face.
You may beleeve me at one bare woord;
How like you this mery cace?
A peece of ground they think they have found,
I wil tel you what it is:
For I them tolde that of beggars maner it did holde,
A staffe and a wallet, I wis.
Which in short space, even in this place,
Of me they shall receive:
For when that their drift hath spent all their thrift,
Their mindes I shall deceive.
I trowe you shall see more knaves come to me,
Which whensoever they doo,
They shall have their meed, as they deserve indeed,
As you shal shortly see these two.
When they doo pretend to have a good end
Mark wel, then, what shall insue:
A bag and a bottle, or els a rope knottle,
This shall they prove to true.
But mark wel this game; I see this geer frame.
Lo, who cometh now in such hast?
It is Cuthbert Cutpurse and Pierce Pickpurse,
Give room now a little cast.

Heere entreth Cuthbert Cutpurse and Pierce Pickpurse.
Cuthbert Cutpurse must have in his hand a purse of money
or counters in it, and a knife in one hand and a whetstone
in the other, and Pierce must have money or counters in
his hand and gingle it as he commeth in

CUTPURSE By Cogs wounds, it dooth me good to the hart
To see how clenly I plaid this parte.
While they stood thrusting togither in the throng,
I began to goe them among;
And with this knife, which heere you doo see,
I cut away his purse clenly.

NEWFANGLE See to your purses, my maisters; be ruled by me,
For knaves are abroad; therfore beware.
You are warned; and ye take not heed, I doo not care.

PICKPURSE And also so soon as I had espied
A woman in the throng, whose purse was fat,
I took it by the strings, and clenly it untide:
She knew no more of it then Gib our cat.
Yet at the last she hied apace,
And said the money in my hand she saw.
'Thou whore,' said I, 'I wil have an action of the case,
And seing thou saist so, I will trye the lawe.'

CUTPURSE How saist thou Pierce Pickpurse, art thou not agreed
These two booties equally to devide?

PICKPURSE Then let us count the totall summe,
And devide it equally when we have doone.

NEWFANGLE My maisters, heere is a good fellowe that would faine have some.

CUTPURSE What, Nicole Newfangle, be you heere?
So God help me, I am glad with all my hart.

PICKPURSE Then ere we depart, we wil have some cheere,
And of this booty you shall have your parte.

NEWFANGLE I thank you both hartely,
And I will doo somewhat for you by and by.
Are not you two sworn brothers in every bootye?

BOTH Yes, that we are truely.

NEWFANGLE Then will I tell you newes, which you doo not knowe,
Such newes as wil make you glad, I trowe.
But first tel me this, Pierce Pickpurse,
Whether is the elder, thou or Cuthbert Cutpurse.

PICKPURSE In faith, I think we are both of one age, wel nye.

CUTPURSE I suppose there is no great difference, truely,
But wherfore ask you? I pray thee, tell me why.

NEWFANGLE I wil tell you the cause without delay:
For a peece of land is fallen, as I dare say,
A proper plot it is, this is most true,
Which by succession must come to one of you.
For thou, Cuthbert Cutpurse, wast Cuthbert Cutthrotes sonne,
And thou, Pierce Pickpurse, by that time thou hast doon,
Canst derive thy pedigree from an ancient house:
Thy father was Tom Theef, thy mother Tib Louse.
This peece of land, wherto you inheritours are,
Is called. the land of the two-legged mare:
In this peece of ground there is a mare in deed,
Which is the quickest mare in England for speede.
Therfore, if you will come anon unto me,
I will put you in possession, and that you shall see.

CUTPURSE I cannot beleeve that such luck is happened unto us.

NEWFANGLE It is true, that I to you doo discusse.

PICKPURSE If you wil help us to this peece of ground,
Bothe of us to you shal think ourselves bound.

NEWFANGLE Yes, in faith, you shall have it, you may beleeve me;
I will be as good as my woord, as shortly you shall see.

CUTPURSE Then, brother Pierce, we may think ourselves happy
That ever we were with him acquainted.

PICKPURSE Even so, we may of certaintie,
That such good luck unto us hath happened.
But, brother Cuthbert, is it not best
To goe in for a while, and distribute this booty?
Where we three wil make some feast,
And quasse togither, and be mery.

NEWFANGLE But soft a while; be ruled by me.
Look yonder a little. Doo you not,see
Who commeth yonder? A while we wil abide;
Let him say his pleasure, and we wil stand aside.

VERTUOUS LIVING Oh gratious God, how wonderfull are thy woorks.
How highly art thou of all men to be praised.
Of Christians, Sarasins, Iewes and also Turks
Thy glory ought to be erected and raised.
What ioyes hast thou prepared for the vertuous life,
And such as have thy name in love and awe.
Thou hast promised salvation to man, childe, and wife
That thy precepts observe and keep wel thy law.
And to the vertuous life what dooth insue?
Virtutis premium honor, Tully dooth saye:
Honour is the guerdon for vertue due,
And eternall salvation at the latter day.
How cleere in conscience is the vertuous life!
The vicious hath consciences so heavy as lead;
Their conscience and their dooings is alway at strife,
And although they live, yet in sin they are dead.

NEWFANGLE God give you good morow, sir; how doo you today?

VERTUOUS LIVING God blesse you also, both now and alway.
I pray you, with me have you any acquaintance?

NEWFANGLE Yea, mary, I am an olde freend of yours, perchaunce.

VERTUOUS LIVING If it be so, I mervaile very, much
That the dulnes of my wit should be such
That you should be altogither out of my memory.
Tell me your name, I pray you hastely,

NEWFANGLE By the faith of my body, you wil appose me by and by,
But indeed I was but little when I was first home,
And my mother to tell me my name thought it scorne.

VERTUOUS LIVING I wil never acquaint me with such in any place
As are ashamed of their names, by Gods grace.

NEWFANGLE I remember my name, now it is come to minde:
I have mused much before I could it finde.
Nichole Newfangle it is; I am your olde freend.

VERTUOUS LIVING My freend! Mary, I doo thee defye,
And all such company I doo deny.
For thou art a companion for roisters and ruffins,
And not fit for any vertuous companions.

NEWFANGLE And, in faith, art thou at plaine defiaunce.?
Then I see that I must goe to mine olde acquaintance.
Wel, Cuthbert Cutpurse and Pierce Pickpurse, we must goe togither,
For like wil to like, quoth the Devil to the Colier.

VERTUOUS LIVING Indeed, thou saist true; it must needs be so,
For like wil ever to like goe.
And my conditions and thine, so farre doo disagree
That no familiarity between us may be.
For thou nourishest vice both day and night:
My name is Vertuous Life, and in vertue is my delight,
So vice and vertue cannot togither be united:
But the one the other hath alwaies spighted.
For as water quencheth fier, and the flame dooth suppres,
So vertue hateth vice, and seeketh a redres.

PICKPURSE Tush, if he be so dangerous, let us not him esteem,
And he is not for our company, I see very wel.
For if he be so holy as he dooth seem,
We and he differ as much as Heaven and Hell.

NEWFANGLE You knowe that like wil to like alway,
And you see how holily he is now bent;
To seek his company why doo we assay?

PICKPURSE I promise you, doo what you wil, I wil consent:
For I passe not for him, be he better, or be he wursse.

NEWFANGLE Freend, if you be wise, beware of your purse.
For this fellow may doo you good when all comes to all,
If you chaunce to loose your purse in Cutpurse Hall.
But, in faith, fare ye wel, sith of our company you be wery;
We wil goe to a place where we wil make mery.
For I see your company and ours doo far differ,
For like wil to like, quoth the Devil to the Colier.

CUTPURSE Well, let us be gone, and bid him adue,
For I see this proverb proveth very true.

PICKPURSE Then let us goe to Hob Filchers house
Where we wil be mery, and quasse carous,
And there shall we finde Tom Tospot, with othermoe,
Meet mates for us, therfore let us goe.

NEWFANGLE Then, seeing we are all of one minde,
Let us three go, and leave a knave heer behinde.

Exeunt they three
They sing this song as they goe out from the place

Good hostes, lay a crab in the fire, and broil a messe of sous-a,
That we may tosse the bole to and fro, and brinks them all carous-a.
I wil pledge Tom Tospot, til I be as drunk as a mouse-a;
Who so wil drink to me all day, I wil pledge them all carous-a.
Then we wil not spare for any cost, so long as we be in a house-a
Then hostes, fil the pot again, for I pledge them all carous-a.

VERTUOUS LIVING Oh wicked imps, that have such delight
In evil conversation, wicked and abhominable;
And from vertues lore withdraw yourselves quite,
And lean to vice most vile and detestable!
How prone and redy we are vice to insue!
How defe we be good counsaile to heare!
How strange we make it our harts to renue!
How little we have Gods threats in feare!
When this is spoken he must pause and then say as followeth
Saint Augustine saith in his fifth book De Civitate Dei,
Coniuncta sunt aedes Vertutis et Honoris, saith he:
The house of Vertue and Honour ioyned togither be.
And so the way to Honours house, is disposed
That through Vertues house he must needs passe,
Or else from honour he shall soone be deposed,
And brought to that point that he before was.
But if through vertue, honour be attained,
The path to salvation may soon be gained.
Some there be that doo fortune prefer,
Some esteem plesure more then vertuous life;
But in mine opinion all such doo erre,
For vextue and fortune be not at strife.
Where vertue is, fortune must needs growe:
But fortune without vertue hath soone the overthrowe,
Thrice happy are they that doo vertue imbrace,
For a crowne of glory shall be their rewarde:
Sathan at no time may him any thing deface,
For God over him wil have such regarde
That his foes he shall soon tread under his foot,
And by Gods permission pluck them up by the root.
It booteth not vice against vertue to stur,
For why vice is feeble and of no force:
But Virtus eterna preclaraque habetur.
Wherfore I would all men would have a remorse,
And eschue evil company vile and pernicious:
And as the end of vertue is honour and felicitie,
So mark wel the end of wickednes and vice:
Shame in this world and pain eternally;
Wherfore you that are heere learn to be wise,
And the end of the one with the other waye,
By that time you have heard the end of this play.
But why doo I thus much say in the praise of vertue
Sith the thing praisewoorthy need no praise at all?
It praiseth it self sufficiently, this is true,
Which chaseth away sinne as bitter as gall.
And where vertue is, need not to be praised,
For the renowne therof shall soon be raised.

Intrat Good Fame

GOOD FAME Oh Vertuous Life, God rest you mery,
To you I am come to attend.

VERTUOUS LIVING Good Fame, you are welcome hartely.
I pray you, who did you hether send?

GOOD FAME Ever Gods Promise hath sent me unto you,
Willing me not from you to departe,
But alwaies to give attendance due,
And in no wise from you to start.
For God of his promise hath moste liberally
Sent me, Good Fame, to you, Vertuous Life.
Wherby it may be seene manifestly
Gods great zeale to vertue both in man and wife.
For why they may be sure that I, Good Fame,
From the Vertuous Life will not stray.
Wherby honour and renown may grow to their name,
And eternall salvation at the latter day.

VERTUOUS LIVING God is gratious and full of great mercy
To such as in vertue set their whole delight,
Powring his benefites upon them aboundantly.
Oh man, what meanest thou with saviour to fight?
Come unto him, for he is full of mercy,
The fountain of vertue and of godlines the spring:
Come unto me and thou shalt live everlastingly,
He dooth not require thee any price to bring.
Venite ad me omnes qui laboratis et onerati estis et ego reficiam vos.
Come unto me ye that travaile, saith he,
And such as with sinne are hevily laden,
And of myselfe refreshed you shall be.
Repent, repent; your deeds shall be down troden.
Wel, Good Fame, sith God of his goodnes
Hath hether sent you on me to attend,
Let us give thanks to him with humblenes,
And perswade with all men their lives to amend.

GOOD FAME Vertuous Life, therto I doo agree,
For it becommeth all men to doo so.
But beholde, yonder commeth Gods Promise, as seemeth to me,
And Honour with him commeth also.

Enter Gods Promises and Honour with him

VERTUOUS LIVING Such godly company liketh me very wel,
For vicious men from our company we woulde expel.

GODS PROMISES God rest you mery both, and God be your guide.

HONOUR We are now come to the place where we must abide,
For from you, Vertuous Life, I, Honour, may not slide.

GODS PROMISES I am Gods Promise, which is a thing etern,
And nothing more surer then his promises may be.
A sure foundation, to such as wil learn
Gods precepts to observe: then must they needs see
Honour in this world, and at last a crown of glorye;
Ever in ioy and mirth, and never to be sory.
Wherfore, Oh Vertuous Life, to thee we doo repaire,
As messengers from God, his promise to fulfil;
And therfore sit you downe in this chaire,
For to indue you with honour it is Gods promise and wil.
Vertuous Living sitteth downe in the chaire

HONOUR Now take this swoord in hand as a token of victorye;
This crowne from my head to you I shall give.
I crowne you with it as one moste woorthy;
And see that all vice ye doo punish and greeve.
For in this world I, Honour, with you shall remain,
And Good Fame from you cannot refrain:
And after this life, a greater crown you shall attain.

GODS PROMISES What hart can think, or what tung can expresse
The great goodnes of God, which is almighty?
Who seeth this, and seeketh not vice to suppresse,
Honour, Good Fame, yea, and life everlastingly?
Thy name be praised, oh Lord, therfore,
And to thee only be glory and honour!

GOOD FAME Sith Gods Promise hath brought Honour into this place,
I will for while leave you three alone:
For I must depart now for a litle space,
But I shal come to you again anon.
Exit Good Fame

GODS PROMISES Gods Promise is infallible; his woord is most true,
And to ground theron a man may be bolde:
As Scripture dooth testifye and declare unto you,
On which foundation your building you may beholde.
For vertuous rulers the fruit of felicitie doo reap,
And the reward of Fame and Honour to themselves they heap.

HONOUR Seing we have now indued him with the crown and swoord,
Which is due unto him by Gods promise and woord,
Let us three sing unto God with one accord.

GODS PROMISES To sing praises unto God it liketh wel me.

VERTUOUS LIVING And I also with you therto doo agree.
A pleasant noise to Gods eares it must needs bring
That Gods Promise, Honour, and Vertuous Life doo sing.
They sing this song folowing
This must be sung aftur every verse
Life is but short; hope not therin;
Vertue immortall seek for to win.
Who so to vertue dooth apply,
Good Fame and Honour must obtaine,
And also live eternally;
For Vertuous Life this is the gaine.
Life is but short, &c.
Gods Promise sure will never faile;
His holy woord is a perfect ground:
The forte of vertue, oh man, assaile,
Where tresure alway dooth abound.
Life is but short, &c.
To thee alone be laud and praise,
Oh Lord, thou art so mercifull:
Who never failed at all assaies,
To aid and help the pitifull.
Life is but short; hope not therin.
Finis

Exeunt omnes

Heere entreth Nichole Newfangle and bringeth in
with him a bagge, a stafe, a bottle, and two halters,
going about the place shewing it to the audience, and
singing this

[NEWFANGLE] Trim marchandise, trim, trim, trim marchandise, trim, trim.
He may sing this as oft as he thinketh good
Mary, heer is merchandise, who list for to buy any:
Come see for your love, and buy for your money.
This is the land which I must distribute anon
According to my promise, or I begon.
For why Tom Tospot, since be went hence,
Hath increased a noble iust unto ninepence;
And Rafe Roister, it may none otherwise be chosen,
Hath brought a pack of wul to a faire paire of hosen:
This is good thrift, learn it who shall.
And now a couple of felowes are come from Cutpurse Hall,
And there have they brought many a purse to wrack.
Loe, heer is geer that wil make their necks to crack,
For I promised Tom Tospot, and Rafe Roister a peece of land;
Loe, heere it is redy in my right hand:
A wallet and bottle, but it is not to be solde.
I tolde them before that of beggers maner it did holde;
And for Cuthbert Cutpurse and Pierce Pickpurse heere is good fare.
This is the land of the two legged mare,
Which I to them promised, and devide it with discretion.
Shortly you shall see I wil put them in possession.
How like you this marchandise, my maisters? Is not this trim?
A wallet, a bottle, a staffe,and a string.
How saist thou, Wat Waghalter? Is not this a trim thing?
In faith, Rafe Roister is in good case, as I suppose,
For he hath lost all that he hath, save his doublet and hose;
And Tom Tospot is even at the same poynte,
For he would loose a lim or ieopard a ioynt.
But beholde, yonder they come bothe, now all is gone and spent,
I knowe their errand, and what is their intent.

Heere entreth Rafe Roister and Tom Tospot in their
dublet and their hose, and no cap, nor hat on their head,
saving a night cap because the strings of the beards may
not be seene and Rafe Roister must cursse and ban
as he commeth in

ROISTER Wel, be as be may, is no banning:
But I feare that when this geere shall come to scanning,
The land to the which we did wholy trust
Shall be gone from us, and we cast in the dust.

TOSSPOT Gogs blood, if Nichol Newfangle serve us so,
We may say that we have had a shrewd blowe;
For all that I had is now lost at dice,
My swoord, my buckler, and all, at sink and sice;
My cote, my cloke and, my hat also;
And now in my dublet and my hose I am faine to goo.
Therfore, if Nichol Newfangle help not, now at a pinch,
I am undoon, for land I have not an inch.

ROISTER By Gogs wounds, even so it is with me
I am in my doublet and my hose, as ye see:
For all that I had dooth lye at pledge for ale.
By the masse, I am as bare as my naile,
Not a crosse of money to blesse me have I;
I trow we shall meet with Nichol Newfangle by and by.

NEWFANGLE Turn hether, turn hether I say, sir knave;
For I am even he, that you so fain would have.

ROISTER What, Maister Nichole, are you heer all this while?

NEWFANGLE I think I am heere, or els I doo thee begile.

TOSSPOT So God help me, I am glad that you be in sight,
For in faith your presence hath made my hart light.

NEWFANGLE I wil make it lighter anon, I trowe.
My maisters, I have a peece of land for you, doo you not knowe?

ROISTER Mary, that is the cause of our hether resort,
For now we are void of all ioy and comfort.

TOSSPOT You see in what care we now stand in,
And you heard us also even now, I ween.
Wherfore, good Maister Nichol, let us have this land now,
And we shall think ourselves much bound unto you.

NEWFANGLE You know that I this land must devide,
Which I shall doo; but awhile abide.
All thy goods for ale at pledge be,
And thou saist a paire of dice hath made thee free:
First, Rafe Roister, come thou unto me
Because thou hast lost every whit at dice,
Take thou this bag to cary bread and cheese,

He giveth the bag to Rafe Roister, and the bottle to Tom Tosspot
And take thou this bottle, and mark what I shall say:
If he chaunce to eat the bread and cheese by the way,
Doo thou in this matter follow my councel,
Drink up the drink, and knock him about the head with the bottle.
And because that Rafe is the elder knave,
This staffe also of me thou shalt have.

ROISTER But where is the land that to us you promised?

NEWFANGLE In faith, good fellowes, my promise is performed.

TOSSPOT By Gogs blood, I thought that it would be so.

NEWFANGLE This must you have, whether you wil or no,
Or els fall to woork with shovel and with spade;
For begging now must be your cheefest trade.

ROISTER Gods hart, can I away with this life
To beg my bread from doore to doore?
I wil rather cut my throte with a knife
Then I will live thus beggerly and poore.
By Gogs blood, rather then I wil it assay
I wil rob and steale, and keep the hye way.

TOSSPOT Wel, Rafe Roister, seeing we be in this miserie,
And labour we cannot, and to beg it is a shame,
Yet better it is to beg most shamfully
Then to be hanged, and to theevery ourselves to frame.

NEWFANGLE Now, my maisters, learn to beware;
But like wil to like, quod the Devil to the Coliar.

ROISTER Oh Lord, why did not I consider this before,
What should of roisting be the finall end?
Now the horse is stolen, I shut the stable doore.
Alas, that I had time my life to amend!
Time I have, I must needs confesse,
But yet in misery that time must be spent,
Seeing that my life I would not redresse,
But wholy in riot I have it all spent;
Therfore I am now brought to this exigent.
But the time past cannot be called again, this is no nay;
Wherfore all you heere take example by me,
Time tarieth no man, but passeth stil away,
Take time while time is, for time dooth flee.
Use wel your youthful yeeres, and to vertues lore agree.
For if I to vertue had any respect,
This misfortune to me could not have chaunced;
But because to vice I was subiect,
To no good fame I now be advaunced.
My credit also is now quite staunched;
Wherfore I would all men my wofull case might see,
That I to them a mirrour might be.

TOSSPOT Oh all ye parents, to you I doo say,
Have respect to your children and for their, education,
Least you answere therfore at the latter day,
And your meed shall be eternall damnation.
If my parents had brought me up in vertue and learning,
I should not have had this shamefull end;
But all licenciously was my up bringing.
Wherfore learn by me your faults to amend.
But neither in vertue, learning, nor yet honest trade
Was I bred up my living for to get:
Therfore in misery my life away must fade.
For vicious persons beholde not the net;
I am in the snare, I am caught with the gin,
And now it is too late, I cannot again begin.

NEWFANGLE This geere would have been looked too before,
But now, my maisters, you are upon the skore.
Be packing, I say, and get you hence:
Learn to say I pray, good maister, give me nine pence.\'92

ROISTER Thou, villain, art only the causer of this woe;
Therfore thou shalt have some thing of me ere I goe.

TOSSPOT Thou hast given me a bottle heere;
But thou shalt drink first of it, be it ale or beere.
Rafe Roister beateth him with the stafe, and Tom
Tosspot with the bottell

ROISTER Take this of me before I goe hence.

TOSSPOT Take this of me, in parte of recompence.

NEWFANGLE Now am I driven to play the maister of fence.
Come no neer me, you knaves, for your life,
Least I stick you both with this wood knife.
Back I say, back, thou sturdy beggar!
Body of me, they have tane away my daggar.
They have him doun and beat him. He crieth for help

ROISTER Now, in faith, you whorson, take heed, I you advise,
How you doo any more yong men intice.

SEVERITY That upright iudgement without parcialitie
Be ministered duely to ill-dooers and offenders!
I am one whose name is Severitie,
Appointed a Iudge to suppresse evil-dooers,
Not for hatred, nor yet for malice,
But to advaunce vertue and suppresse vice.
Wherfore Isidorus these woords dooth say,
Non est Iudex si in eo non est Iusticia:
He is not a Iudge that Iustice dooth want,
But he that trueth and equitie dooth plant.
Tully also these woords dooth expresse,
Which woords are very true doubtlesse.
Semper iniquus est [Iudex] qui aut invidet aut favet:
They are unrightfull Iudges all,
That are either envious or els partial.

NEWFANGLE Help me up, good sir, for I have got a fall.

SEVERITY What cause have you, my freend, thus heavily to grone?

NEWFANGLE Oh sir, I have good cause to make great mone:
Heere were two fellowes, but right now,
That I think have killed me, I make God a vow.
I pray you tel me, am I alive or am I dead?

SEVERITY Fellowe, it is more need for thee to be in thy bed
Then to lye heere in such sort as thou doost.

NEWFANGLE In faith, I should have laid some of the knaves in the dust
If I had had your swoord right now, in presence;
I would have had a leg or an arme, ere they had gon hence.

SEVERITY Who is it that hath doon thee this iniury?

NEWFANGLE A couple of beggers have doon me this vilany.

SEVERITY I see if severitie should not be executed,
One man should not live by another.
If such iniuries should not be confuted,
The childe would not regard father nor mother.
Give me thy hand, and I wil help thee.

NEWFANGLE Hold fast your swoord then, I pray you hartely.
He riseth

SEVERITY Now, freend, it appeereth unto me
That you have been a travailer of the cuntrie,
And such as doo travaile doo heare of things doon,
As wel in the cuntrie, as in the citie of London.
How say you, my freend; can you, tel any newes?

NEWFANGLE That can I, for I came lately from the stewes.
There are knaves abroad, you may beleeve me,
As in this place shortly you shall see.
No more woords but mum, and stand awhile aside:
Yonder commeth two knaves; therfore abide.

Enter Cuthbert Cutpurse and Pierce Pickpurse

CUTPURSE By Gogs wounds, if he help not now, we a undoon:
By the mas, for my part I wot not where to run.
We be so pursued on every side
That, by Gogs hart, I wot not where to abide.
Every constable is charged to make privy search,
So that if we may be got, we shalbe thrown over the perch.

PICKPURSE If Nichol Newfangle help not now in our need,
We are like in our busines ful evil to speed.
Therfore let us make no more delay,
But seek him out of hand, and be gone away.

NEWFANGLE Soft, my maisters, a while I you pray:
For I am heer for whom you doo seek;
For you know that like wil never from like.
I promised you of late a peece of land,
Which by and by shall fall into your hand.

CUTPURSE What, maister Nichol, how doo you today?

PICKPURSE For the passion of God, maister Nichol, help to rid us away;
And help us to the land wherof you did say
That we might make money of it by and by:
For out of the realm we purpose to flee.

NEWFANGLE Mary, I wil help you, I swere by all hallowes:
I wil not part from you till you come to the gallowes.
Lo, noble Severitie, these be they, without doubt,
On whom this rumor of theevery is gon about.
Therfore, my maisters, heer is the snare,
That shall lead you to the land called the two-legged mare.
He putteth about each of their necks an halter

SEVERITY My freend, holde them fast in that plight.

NEWFANGLE Then come, and help me with your sword, for I feare they wil fight.

SEVERITY Strive not, my maisters, for it shall not availe.
But a while give care unto my counsaile:
Your owne woords have condemned you for to dye,
Therfore to God make you yourselves redy.
And by and by I wil send one which, for your abusion,
Shall lead you to the place of execution.

NEWFANGLE Help to tye their hands before ye be gon.

He helpeth to tye them.

SEVERITY Now they are bound. I wil send one to you anon.
Exit

NEWFANGLE Ah, my maisters, how like you this play?
You shall take possession of your land today!
I wil help to bridle the two-legged mare,
And both you for to ride need not to spare.
Now so God help me, I swere by this bread,
I mervaile who shall play the knave when you twain be dead.

CUTPURSE Oh cursed caitive, borne in an ill hower,
Woe unto me that ever I did thee knowe.
For of all iniquitie thou art the bowre;
The seed of Sathan thou doost alwaies sowe.
Thou only hast given me the overthrowe,
Woe woorth the house wherin I was borne!
Woe woorth the time that ever I knew thee!
For now in misery I am forlorne.
Oh all youth, take example by me:
Flee from evill company as from the Serpent ye would flee,
For I to you all a mirrour may be.
I have been daintily and delicately bred,
But nothing at all in vertues lore:
And now I am but a man dead;
Hanged I must be, which greeveth me full sore.
Note well the end of me therfore:
And you that fathers and mothers be,
Bring not up your children in to much libertie.

PICKPURSE Sith that by the law we are now condemned,
Let us call to God for his mercie and grace,
And exhort that all vice may be amended,
While we in this world have time and space.
And though our lives have licenciously been spent
Yet at the last to God let us call:
For he heareth such as are ready to repent,
And desireth not that sinners should fall.
Now are we ready to suffer, come when it shall.

Heer entreth Hankin Hangman

NEWFANGLE Come, Hankin Hangman, let us two cast lots,
And between us devide a couple of coates.
Take thou the one, and the other shalbe mine.
Come, Hankin Hangman, thou camst in good time.
They take off their cotes and devide them

HANGMAN Thou shouldst have one, Nichol, I swere by the masse,
For thou bringest woork for me dayly to passe,
And through thy means I get more cotes in a yeere
Then all my living is woorth beside, I swere.
Therfore, Nichol Newfangle, we wil depart never;
For, like wil to like, quoth the Devil to the Collier.

NEWFANGLE Now farwel, Hankin Hangman, farwel to thee.

HANGMAN Farwel, Nichol Newfangle. Come you two with me.
Hankin goeth out and leadeth the one in his right
hand, and the other in his left, having halters about
their necks

NEWFANGLE Ha, ha, ha, there is a brace of hounds wel woorth a dozen crowns,
Beholde the huntsman leadeth away!
I think in twenty towns, on hills, and eke on downs,
They taken have their pray.
So well liked was their hunting on hill and eke on mountain,
That now they be up in a leace:
To keep within a string it is now a gay thing.
Doo all you holde your peace?
Why then, good gentle boy, how likest thou this.play?
No more, but say thy minde.
I swere by this day, if thou wilt this assay,
I wil to thee be kinde.
This is wel brought to passe of me, I swere by the masse,
Some to hand, and other some to beg.
I would I had Balams asse to cary me where I was.
How say you, little Meg?
Rafe Roister and Tom Tospot are not now woorth a grote,
So wel with them it is.
I would I had a pot, for now I am so whot,
By the masse, I must go pisse.
Philip Fleming and Haunce hath daunst a prity daunce,
That all is now spent out;
And now a great mischaunce came on while they did praunce:
They lye sick of the gout.
And in a spittle house with little Laurence louse
They be faine to dwell.
If they eate a morsel of souce or els a rosted mouse,
They think they doo fare well.
But as for Pierce Pickpurse and Cuthbert Cutpurse,
You saw them both right now:
With them it is much wurse, for they doo ban and curse,
For the halter shall them bow.
Now if I had my nag to see the world wag,
I would straight ride about:
Ginks doo fil the bag, I would not passe a rag
To hit you on the snout.

Heer entreth the Devil

LUCIFER Ho, ho, ho, mine own boy, make no more delay,
But leap upon my back straight way.

NEWFANGLE Who, Ball, who, and I will come by and by.
Now for a paire of spurs I would give a good grote,
To try whether the iade dooth amble or trot!
Farwel, my maisters, til I come again,
For now I must make a iourney into Spaine.
He rideth away,on the Devils back

Heer entreth Vertuous Life and Honour

VERTUOUS LIVING Oh woorthy diadem, oh iewel most precious,
Oh vertue, which dooth all worldly things excel:
How worthy a treasure thou art to the vertuous!
Thy praise no pen can write, ne tung tel.
For I, who am called Vertuous Life,
Have in this world both honour and dignitie;
Immortall fame of man, childe, and wife
Dayly waiteth and attendeth on me.
The commoditie of vertue in me you may behold;
The enormities of vice you have also seene:
Therfore to make an end we may be bolde,
And pray for our noble and vertuous Queene.

HONOUR To doo so, Vertuous Life, it is our bounden dutye,
And because we must doo so before we doo end,
To aid us therin Good Fame commeth verily,
Which dayly and hourely on you dooth attend.

Heer entreth Good Fame

GOOD FAME Vertuous Life, doo what you list:
To pray or to sing I wil you assist.

VERTUOUS LIVING O Lord of hostes, oh King almightye,
Poure down thy grace upon our noble Queene!
Vanquish her foes, Lord, that dayly and nightly
Through her thy lawes may be sincerely seen.

HONOUR The honourable Counsaile also, O Lord, preserve,
The Lords both of the Clergie and of the Temporalitie:
Graunt that with meeknes they may thee serve,
Submitting to thee with all humilitie.

GOOD FAME Oh Lord, preserve the Commons of this realme also;
Poure upon them thy heavenly grace,
To advaunce vertue and vice to overthrowe,
That at the last in heaven with thee they may have a place.

AMEN

A Song
Where like to like is matched so
That vertue must of force decay:
There God with vengeance, plagues and woe
By iudgement iust must needs repay.
For like to like, the worldlings cry,
Although both like doo grace defye.
And where as Sathan planted hath
In vicious mindes a sinful trade,
There like to like dooth walke this path,
By which to him like they are made.
So like with like reward obtain,
To have their meed in endles paine.
Likewise in faith, where matched be
And where as God hath planted grace,
There doo his children stil agree,
And like to like doo run their race.
Like Christe, like harts of Christian men:
As like to like wel coupled then.
Therfore like grace, like faith and love,
Like vertue, springs of eche degree
Where like assistance from above
Dooth make them like so right agree:
A holy God, a Christ most iust,
And so like soules in him to trust.
Then like as Christe above dooth raigne,
In heaven high our Saviour best,
So like with him shal be our gain
In peace, and ioy, and endles rest,
If we our selves like him doo frame,
In feare of his most holy name.
To him be praise that grace dooth give,
Wherby he fashineth us anew:
And make us holily to live,
Like to himself in faith most true.
Which our redemption sure hath wrought,
Like him to be most deerly bought.

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Proper Citation: NeCastro, Gerard. Like Will to Like. From Stage to Page - Medieval and Renaissance Drama. http://www.umm.maine.edu/faculty/necastro/drama. Date Visited.