How to Calm Down After a Stressful Experience

This article was co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

There are 15 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

You may have trouble calming down after a stressful experience. If your mind and body are unsettled, you may not be able to easily move on and relax. You can calm your mind and body by addressing your feelings, talking about the experience, using relaxation techniques, or engaging in a relaxing activity.

Distract yourself for a while. When you experience a stressful situation, you may want to keep thinking about it over and over afterwards. You may dissect the situation and think about what you did wrong or right. If it was traumatic, you may keep just reliving it and thinking about it. Try to avoid this kind of thinking and find something enjoyable to distract yourself for a while.[1]

For example, you could watch a movie, play a video game, read a book, listen to a podcast, or talk to a friend about something unrelated to what happened.

Continuously thinking about the stressful experience can keep your nervous system on alert and feed your stress.

Keep in mind that it is normal to want to replay the situation over and think about it, but doing this can make it harder to calm down. You will be able to calm down faster if you wait to process what happened.

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Acknowledge your feelings. Don’t try to ignore how you are feeling. Acknowledge that you are stressed, upset, overwhelmed, or scared. That is okay. Trying to ignore the feelings may cause them to simmer, keeping you stressed. Instead, acknowledge them so you can move on from them.[2]

Acknowledging the feelings isn’t the same as dwelling or obsessing. Once you acknowledge them, try to let them go.

Talk to friends or family. After you experience a stressful situation, you may want to talk to someone you trust. Reach out to a family member or friend and tell them about what happened to you. Sometimes just getting the stress off your chest and sharing it with someone is enough to help you calm down.[3]

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the person about what happened, then a friendly conversation may help, too. Spending time with someone you enjoy being around can help you feel better.

You may want to connect physically with another person. Ask for a hug, to hold hands, or a comforting arm around you. Sometimes, just a smile and laughing with another person can calm you.

Write down your feelings. Another way to calm yourself is to write down what you’re feeling. You may find writing down your experience, your emotions, and your fears therapeutic. Putting the feelings on paper can help you take control of your thoughts and start to calm as you get them out.[4]

You can write in a journal, type it on the computer, or scribble down thoughts on a scratch pad.

Think positively. One way you may be able to calm down after a stressful experience is to change the way you think about the experience. You may be stressing because you are feeling negative or pessimistic. You may feel overwhelmed because the situation is out of your control. Try to reframe how you think about the experience by changing your thoughts to positive ones.[5]

You may tell yourself that you are fine now and got through the experience. You are strong and survived.

You can remind yourself that you did all that was possible, and that is important.

Tell yourself that things may not be as bad as you think because you are thinking through stress and anxiety. Try to take a step back from the situation and look at it in a neutral, calmer way.

Try to reframe criticism or what you might perceive as a personal attack as feedback or learning opportunities. For example, if your boss criticizes your work performance, then try to focus on how you might use the feedback to improve your work performance.

Focus on your breath. Focusing your mind on your breathing and controlling your breath can help you calm down. Deep breathing helps you get more oxygen to your body, which helps reduce the stress response. Take a moment to breathe after a stressful event.[6]

You should breathe from your belly instead of chest. Place your hand on your belly. Inhale. Your abdomen should be expanding instead of your chest rising. When you exhale, your belly will flatten as it deflates.

Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Breathe slowly in a controlled manner.

You may want to try counting as you breathe. As you inhale, count to five, then as you exhale, count to five.

Meditate.Meditation is a common way to calm down and relieve stress. Meditation is the relaxation technique of easing your mind and body by focusing your thoughts. You can meditate anywhere and it doesn’t take a lot of time.[7]

One way to meditate is to get comfortable, steady your breathing, and focus on the present. Pay attention to the way your body feels and the thoughts in your head. Don’t judge anything you observe in your body and mind. Be neutral as you acknowledge the feelings. Be present in the moment and accept this is where you are right now.

You can repeat a word or phrase over and over to yourself.

Choose an object to be the focus of your attention. As you breathe deeply and focus on the present, you think about the object. What is the object, where did it come from, what does it mean? Appreciate the object for what it is.

Get into a relaxed position. This works really well while lying down and wearing loose clothing. Start by taking a few slow breaths to center yourself.

Start with your right foot. Slowly and deliberately, tense the muscles in your foot and hold as you count to 10. Then relax your foot and feel the tension leaving your body as those muscles relax and loosen. Take a few breaths.

Now, do the same thing with your left foot. Continue doing the same thing as you travel up your body. Go from right calf to left calf, then right thigh and left thigh, the hips and glutes, abdomen, chest, back, right arm, left arm, right hand, left hand, neck, shoulders, and face.

Do body scan meditation. Body scan meditation is a technique where you focus your attention to each part of your body. You don’t do anything, like relaxing and tension in progressive muscle relaxation. You just bring awareness to your body and how you feel.[9]

Lie down in a comfortable position and focus on your breathing. Just breathe for about two minutes.

Focus on each part of your body separately, starting with your right foot. Notice any feelings in your body as you breathe deeply and evenly. Do this with each side and each separate body part, spending a few minutes really focusing on that body part.

When you have scanned your entire body, spend a few minutes focusing on how your body feels and breathing before opening up your eyes.

Try visualization. Visualization, also called guided imagery, is a meditative technique where you imagine yourself in a calmer, happier place. You should use all five senses when visualizing. Guided imagery helps you focus your mind, find peace, and let go of stress. This can help you calm down if you have experienced a stressful situation.[10]

Choose an image or place that makes you happy. It could be a beach, a forest trail, or your favorite spot as a child.

Use as many senses as you can. Imagine in detail what the scene looks like. If you are imagining a beach, think about the sound of the waves rolling in, the smell of the salt on the air, the feel of the sun and breeze on your skin.

Exercise. Exercise can help you calm down after a stressful experience. Exercise helps reduce adrenaline while releasing endorphins that can make you feel better. Exercise may also be able to help your nervous system move from the stressed out state into a more calm one. Try exercise that works your whole body.[11]

Walking, running, swimming, team sports, or dancing are good choices. You may want to try activities where you have to focus your mind on the activity, like boxing, weight training, or rock climbing.

Try to focus all of your mental energy on your body and the activity. This can help your body let go of tension and stress. Think about your feet touching the ground, your breathing, and the sun on your body.

Do a relaxing activity. Sometimes, all you need to calm down is a bit of relaxing down time. After a stressful experience, you may want to take some time for yourself. Play some soothing music, watch a favorite television program, or read a book. Put on comfortable clothes and curl up with your favorite blanket.[12]

Light some candles and take a bubble bath.

Play with your pets, cook, drink a cup of tea, or even clean. Do whatever will calm your mind and body.

Use your senses. To relieve stress and calm down quickly, you should try using your senses. Engage your sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch, or movement. Look or smell something soothing. Taste something that you like, or touch something comforting. Doing this can ground you and help calm your mind and body.[13]

For example, look at a photo or picture that makes you happy. Sniff your favorite scent. Listen to a soothing sound like rain falling or waves crashing. Have a piece of your favorite candy, hug your favorite stuffed animal, or put on your favorite comfortably sweater.

Try yoga.Yoga is a common practice to calm the body and mind. It can help you relax and center your body. Yoga focuses on deep breathing, mind focus, and body poses. After a stressful experience, you can take some time to go through some poses to help calm down.[14]

You can take yoga classes at a gym or a yoga studio.

There are many yoga videos available to buy and for free online. You can search specifically for yoga to calm down or relax.

If you’ve never done yoga before, you may want to try beginners yoga or watch some videos on the fundamentals that teach you how to do the poses.

Put electronic devices away. Being connected to social media can increase stress levels and keep you from being able to calm down. If you have had a stressful experience, don’t go straight to Facebook or Twitter. Instead, put your phone, tablet, or laptop aside and focus on where you are.[15]

Constantly seeing news coverage of stress-causing events or reading negative posts from others can cause you to feel more stressed and interfere with your efforts to calm down.

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Community Q&A

These techniques can be helpful for dealing with any type of stressful experience, including a terror attack. However, after such a traumatic experience, some people may need additional help; How to Cope With a Traumatic Event offers some guidelines. Some of them are similar to the ones in this article, but there are also additional steps, such as getting professional help, that you can take if you need to.