I was sick during the weekend. Not sure it was because the unstable weather of the early fall or the angry of Friday night. Yes, I was jealous, and very much so. All kind of thoughts came up in my mind, I rather believe it was the truth than nothing. I have to admitted I was jealous. I don't want to lie to myself. Dad told me be confident with myself, and believe myself is a really beautiful girl. When you are at the situation that you cannot have nothing, being beautiful is wasteful. I slept the whole day and night alone, and want to throw acid to that bitch's beautiful face, then cut off her lower body. My hatred can be this much cruel , and the darkness and weakness of my heart emerged themselves completely under the sound of laughter of jealous.I told myself that it is a good thing, he and she are together, he is happier than when he was with me. Just a man, a man who I betrayed, let him have his happiness. The tears of mine is the punishment, not because of him nor her.

I saw myself in the mirror at morning. The pores are huge, fine lines are deep, face is losing the shape of youth. Youth really can be taken away by relationships. I forced myself to smile even there is nothing to be happy about. Smile can make a woman beautiful and brave.