Texas Sheriffs to Fiona Apple: ‘I’m Already More Famous Than You’

Sassy border cop tells arrested musician to shut up and sing

Applegate 2012 has taken an unusual turn. Things are getting genuinely beef-y as Fiona Apple and the Texas sheriff’s department that arrested her for hash possession last week continue to trade words via truly bizarre public statements.

At her Houston gig on Friday night, Apple launched into a confusing tirade aimed at four of the border cops she allegedly encountered during the bust in Sierra Blanca who she accused of engaging in “inappropriate and probably illegal” actions.

She threatened to expose them by revealing intel she gathered while detained, which she’d written down, ripped up, and then “encoded” for safekeeping inside of “two lock boxes.” She implied that the officers hoped to become famous via her legal drama.

As TMZ reports, the sassy ass public information officer over at the arresting Hudspeth County Sheriff’s Department has fired back, directing the widely beloved and generally outspoken artist to “just shut up and sing.” Here’s Rusty Fleming:

“First, Honey, I’m already more famous than you, I don’t need your help. However, it would appear that you need mine.

Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say, — now that you’ve been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump-started. Don’t worry Sweetie, I won’t bill you.

Next, have you ever heard of Snoop, Willie or Armand Hammer? Maybe if you would read something besides your own press releases, you would have known BEFORE you got here, that if you come to Texas with dope, the cops will take your DOPE away and put YOU in jail.

Even though you and I only met briefly in the hallway, I don’t know you but I’m sure you’re an awesome and talented young woman and even though I’m not a fan of yours, I am sure there are thousands of them out there, and I’m sure that they would just as soon you get this all behind you and let you go back to what you do best—so my last piece of advice is simple ‘just shut-up and sing.’

SincerelyRusty Fleming”

Way to be a dick, bro. That said, he raises a very valid point in mentioning Snoop Dogg, et al. Any tour manager that blindly runs a drug-laden bus through Sierra Blanca should be promptly fired, and saddled with the resulting charges. Regarding reading, we’d like to think Fleming was referencing SPIN’s “Arrested in Texas” list.