November, 2011

As sort-of hazily defined by Nick Diaz back in January 2010, the Unified Rules of Stockton is an alternate MMA scoring system in which the winner of the fight is the guy who would have won if the match had continued indefinitely, and the loser is the guy who looks more fucked up afterwards. Under Stockton Rules, only the final round is scored, and holding onto top position without doing damage actually counts for negative points.

The more commonly used ten-point-must system keeps things nice and uniform, and doesn’t require judges to predict the future. But as we’ve seen time and time again, the fighter who has more points on the scorecards isn’t always who you would call the “winner.” So which notable UFC fights would have different results if the scoring system was a little more gangster? Let’s get an obvious one out of the way first…

With the help of a few kind individuals in the MMA community and with the permission of my daughter Abby who created the meme, we will be selling “Chocolate Al” shirts to help raise money for the cause for one week. If you don’t know who Al is, do yourself a favor and read this first.

After factoring in the cost of the shirts, which will be printed for free by Josh from www.truefightco.com/, and the price of shipping, we came up with a highly affordable price of $23 for the shirt with free shipping in Canada and the U.S. and an additional $2 per item shipped internationally.

From each shirt sold, we expect to make between $14 and $17 and we got word today that “Chocolate Al” himself, Chuck Liddell, has offered to sign a bunch of shirts that will be auctioned off to raise more for the Millers.

For those keeping track, this is the second time “The Crippler” has been popped for pissing dirty by the UFC. The first time was after his UFC 89 decision loss to Michael back in October 2008 when he tested positive for Stanozolol. Between these incidents, he also got picked up for DUI for the second time in October 2010, which clearly reveals a pattern of someone who needs help for a substance abuse problem or someone who really needs a hobby during the winter months.

After a year in the pokey, War Machine finally returned to competition Saturday night at Ultimate Warrior Fighting 1 in Pharr, Texas, where he faced off against former UFC lightweight darling Roger Huerta in the event’s welterweight headliner. And even though prison ring-rust has to be the worst kind of ring-rust — nutraloaf and sandwich masturbation don’t exactly make for an ideal fighter lifestyle — Mr. Machine handled himself admirably, out-hustling Huerta in a gritty back-and-forth scrap.

Unfortunately, Huerta broke his rib during a scramble in round three, seemingly when War sneaks in that knee at the video’s 15:10 mark. War Machine took advantage of Huerta’s weakened state and laid on punches from the top until the match was stopped. And so, War Machine writes the first chapter of his unlikely comeback story, while Huerta picks up the fifth loss in his last six attempts.

…because Tom Lawlor and Kyle Kingsbury have. Boy, have they ever. This regrettable booze-fueled moment is the latest example of what I’ve started calling the “Nick Ring Theory” (previously known as the “Seth Petruzelli Theory“): At a certain point, pretending to be gay to get a rise out of people becomes a lifestyle choice in itself. But they seem happy, so who am I to judge?

You would assume that a much-heated football rivalry from nearly 50 years ago would have fizzled by now, but apparently old habits die hard.

During a luncheon Friday for the Canadian Football League alumni in Vancouver, BC, former BC Lions’ quarterback Joe Kapp and former Hamilton Tiger-Cats’ defensive tackle Angelo Mosca proved that there was no love lost between them when the 73 year olds came to blows on the dais.

There is a Russian proverb that roughly goes, “He that is afraid of bad luck will never know good.” And it is a rare bit of good sense from our Russki comrades; we should not live in fear of things beyond our control like luck, but rather have the confidence in ourselves to believe that our hard work will eventually pay off, be it in fame, fortune, or fiine women. But for every bit of good luck we have, some poor sap out there has a much, much worse day because of it. Like the Mortal Kombat tournaments, these gentlemen’s misfortunes are necessary to maintain the order between realms, so it is to these brave souls that we pay tribute.

We’re talking about those guys who just happened to be on the losing side of a future champion’s debut, or got crushed before they could even get their footing. We’re talking about guys who put their hearts and souls into a sport for years, only to have their debut in the sport’s highest promotion be overshadowed by someone that was just on another level.

So, without further ado, here are the six unluckiest sons of bitches that the UFC has ever seen.

How it went down: Let us start with the most recent. Before entering the octagon, Alex Soto was 6-0-1 over local to mid-level competition. Mcdonald, on the other hand, was a 13-1 fighter out of California that had split a pair of contests with former WEC featherweight champion Cole Escovedo, and had scored wins over legitimate UFC competition in Edwin Figueroa and Chris Cariaso. On paper, it was going to be a tough debut for Mr. Soto. In the flesh, it was actually much, much tougher.

Takanori Gomi‘s run in the UFC has resulted in an underwhelming 1-3 record, marked by submission losses to Kenny Florian, Clay Guida, and Nate Diaz. But it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the UFC is giving the Fireball Kid one more try in front of his home country’s fans — or at least the ones who will be dragging ass to the Saitama Super Arena early enough to catch the prelims.

The UFC has confirmed that Gomi will return at UFC 144 on February 26th, against Aussie grappling specialist George Sotiropoulos, who’s also had a rough go of it lately. After going 7-0 in the Octagon following his stint on TUF 6, Sotiropoulos is now riding back-to-back losses against Dennis Siver and Rafael Dos Anjos. In other words, jobs could be on the line here.

Gomi vs. GSots brings the UFC 144 card up to 12 star-studded fights, including the lightweight title headliner between Frankie Edgar and Ben Henderson, and bouts featuring Quinton Jackson, Cheick Kongo, Jake Shields, Joe Lauzon, and Yushin Okami. Check out the current lineup after the jump, before injuries blow it all to hell.