LOUISE: Vacation Blunders

Written by Louise Tucker Jones in the September 2013 Issue

It’s hard to believe that August
has passed and summer is winding down. And though I got a few things
accomplished like trees trimmed and a sprinkler system installed to water those
trees, there is still one thing on my to-do list—a vacation. Some of you have
probably already come and gone on your trips and it made me wonder how many
travelers had vacation blunders. Something unexpected, unwanted or downright
funny. Being as I have probably told you about most of our family vacation
disasters, like my husband, Carl, being stung by a jellyfish in Biloxi,
Mississippi, and yours truly stepping on a bee in Hawaii, I sent e-mails to
friends and asked for unusual vacation happenings.

Oddly enough, some people have
absolutely nothing out of the ordinary happen on trips. Hard to imagine since
we always dealt with something. Air conditioning going out on our van at high
noon. A sunset cruise turning into “rescue on the high seas.” But kick back and
enjoy a few humorous happenings from other folks’ vacations.

Karen experienced a disastrous
fishing trip on which her husband planned to teach her to fish. John purchased
an expensive rod and reel, but when he cast off, he accidently threw the whole
thing forward and watched his new equipment sink into the lake. Later, while
fishing from an inner tube, John put his bait on the tube and a snake swam
inside after the bait. Some people just aren’t meant to fish!

My son, Aaron and his wife, Amy,
were taking a short trip with their little ones when baby Axton threw up in the
car. When they pulled over for cleanup, Aaron discovered he hadn’t packed the
children’s suitcase. They drove to a Love’s gas station and went inside, all
looking like they just came from the hills. Four-year-old Alexandria had on a
long, ratty t-shirt for a nightgown, Aaron was wearing camo, Amy was covered in
vomit and Axton was naked. They wondered if the sign, “No Shirt, No Shoes, No
Service” applied to babies. Near the front of the store was a clearance rack
with a baby t-shirt reading “Mama’s Boy.” Aaron quickly grabbed it for Axton.
The wide-eyed clerk said, “If you’re going to buy that you can go ahead and put
it on the child.” They grabbed diapers and the rest of the clothes on the rack
before heading to an outlet mall.

While riding a shuttle bus in
Gatlinburg, Tennessee, Gaylen and her family watched in awe as an injured
woodchuck lay in the middle of the street, backing up traffic in all
directions. Finally, a shuttle passenger took a couple of long sticks and
escorted the angry, hissing varmint off the road. The hero got a round of
applause and traffic resumed.

When Mary Lou was a preteen,
spending the night at a relative’s house, she went to sleep while hearing the
grownups talk about burglaries in the neighborhood. Suddenly, she jerked awake
from a scary dream and accidently rammed her arm into a glass windowpane.
Everyone awoke and thought it was a burglary, checking the whole house before
finally finding Mary Lou on her cot, quietly bleeding. Yep, she had to have
stitches.

I love this one! John and Karen
were spending the night at a hotel in the middle of the winter, enjoying the
indoor heated pool. When other folks entered the pool area, John decided to
have some fun. Being a double amputee, he suddenly yelled, “Shark!” and jumped
out of the pool, water dripping from his stumps. People screamed and scattered,
and though they could see every inch of the pool, from top to bottom, no one
would go into the water.

Hope you enjoyed your own vacation this summer, without
mishaps or blunders.