Review: Halloween Wars

OK, Food Network has flooded the airwaves with yet another dessert competition, Halloween Wars. Here’s what they say about it:

The four episode competition series places five teams, comprised of cake decorators, candy makers and pumpkin carvers, working in unison to create the ultimate Halloween themed display. One team is eliminated each week, with the winner taking home $50,000. Hosted by Justin Willman (magician Justin Kredible who also hosts Cupcake Wars), and including renowned cake decorator Shinmin Li and Hollywood conceptual artist Miles Teves on the judging panel, the competitors must battle it out to prove who is the best, all the while scaring viewers pants off with some of the most amazing horror tales through their cake, candy and pumpkins.

I will say this, the fact that Halloween Wars is a seasonal show centered around a day pseudonymous with sweets makes it better than any other sugar cook-off in history. In fact, had we not already had nine million dessert contests shoved down our metaphorical throats I might have really enjoyed this. However, words simply cannot do justice to the exhale of frustration that erupted from me as a judge actually critiqued a cake-monster for not having enough fangs. Seriously?

If you are a fan of cookie cutter sugar shows enjoy. I have lost my patience with this kind of programing. I could handle this lack of creativity from producers if they weren’t all so damned boring. Dessert oriented shows can be broken down into two categories the good (anything including Duff Goldman) and the wretched (everything else).

Halloween Wars airs Sundays 9/8 Central on the Food Network. I’ll be watching the NFL game until Iron Chef returns, flipping over to South Park reruns during the commercials of course. I’m not a barbarian.

Stuart is a celebrity chef, food activist and award-winning food writer. He penned the cookbooks Third Coast Cuisine: Recipes of the Gulf of Mexico, No Sides Needed: 34 Recipes To Simplify Life and Amigeauxs - Mexican/Creole Fusion Cuisine. He hosts two Internet cooking shows "Everyday Gourmet" and "Little Grill Big Flavor." His recipes have been featured in Current, Lagniappe, Southern Tailgater, The Kitchen Hotline and on the Cooking Channel.