Daniel’s Critical Corner: “Horton Hears A Who!”

Take this dude Horton, for example…
Personally, if I were going to go with a classic rock vibe, I’d be spinning some
“Rolling Stones” or maybe some “Beatles”. But if Horton digs The “Who”,
more power to him. But really, does anyone know what they sing…?
Can you name ONE song ? I… Oh. Oops.

Looks like I read the title wrong.
Horton hears “A” Who, not “The” Who. I hate when I do that. Sorry.
LOL ! Well, for those of you not familiar with the wonderful world of Dr.
Seuss, the “Whos” are little people that live in the strangest places. InHow The Grinch Stole Christmas they are found on a snowflake ! The
snowflake eventually melts, so when they show up in How The Grinch
Ruined Hanukkah, they reside in Barbara Streisand’s butt-crack.

In Horton Hears A Who!, the little buggers live on a speck of dust.
Please, put your Swiffer Sweepers down… You could be hurtin’ the Whos !

Horton is an elephant (voiced by Jim Carrey). The speck of dust floats by our
pleasant pachyderm, and (with his big elephant ears) he hears the little people
crying for help.

…It’s lucky for the Whos that they didn’t float by “Helen Keller” !

Now, I’m not a big fan of elephants… But this movie has changed my mind.
What have we really had up until now…? “Dumbo” ?

As IF. I’m sorry kids, but first of all, who names ANYTHING “Dumbo”.
And what’s with the “Hot Dog On A Stick” uniform he wears ? Hmmmph.
They should have called him “Retardo”. That’s like the ONLY Disney film that
never goes away… “The Little Mermaid” (for example) is only on DVD for a
few weeks, than WHOOSH, it’s gone. Same with “Beauty And The Beast”.
You have to wait ten years before they release it again. But “Dumbo” is
ALWAYS around, gathering dust at Kmart. I should finally pick up a copy,
and use it as a coaster. But I digress…

Horton is living a happy-go-lucky life in the jungle, but his world is turned
upside down by the discovery of “Whoville”.
Basically, all of Horton’s friends think he is on drugs.

Take Trips Get High, Laugh Joke And Goodbye
Beat Drum And Old Tin Pot
I’m High On You Know What !

Beads…Flowers…Freedom…Happiness !

This Is Horton’s Brain.

This Is Horton’s Brain On Green Eggs And Ham.

LOL !!!

Horton really is a good guy. He talks to the Mayor of Whoville, (who has
96 daughters and one son), and agrees to save the Whos from certain annihilation.
He decides to take the speck of dust to a flower sheltered by a mountain, where
they can live without fear of destruction. But there are obstacles they all
must overcome… Both large and small, short and tall !

Who’s Your Daddy ?

What follows is a classic tale of humanitarianism… (A person’s a person,
no matter how small), and also a tale of faith. How can you believe in
something you can’t see ? Just ask Hillary Clinton.

This movie really does the story justice,
with a few contemporary spins… And it works on every level.
Thank goodness they went the CGI route, instead of gluing elephant
ears on someone. Remember “The Cat In The Hat”…? I rest my case.

This flick is up there with the other CGI greats, such as “Finding Nemo”,
“Toy Story”, “Ice Age” and “Shrek”. It really sets a standard, in a world
that is now saturated with “straight to DVD” CGI junk.

Horton has to battle an evil vulture, who is doing the bidding of an
evil kangaroo, (voiced by Carol Burnett). He meets several new pals
along the way, including a fuzzy little girl beastie named Katie.

Katie just makes this movie. She is representative of EVERY precocious and
gross little girl that ever lived. She farts, she burps, she eats bugs AND she
is responsible for one of the greatest film quotes to come around in a long time.

Horton is talking to his little dust molecule, and Katie comes along saying:
“In my world, everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows
and poop butterflies”!

Ha Ha Ha !

This movie really seems to be doing well, and talks of a sequel are in the works.

And now, a “Critical Corner” exclusive… A scene from the next Dr. Seuss movie:

“Horton Hears Jack Nicholson Quoting Lines From The Departed!”

As the first scene opens, we see Horton in a field.
Jack Nicholson walks by…

Horton: Hello Sir ! How are you, and why, oh why are you so blue?

Jack Nicholson: F**K OFF !

Horton: Oh dear, you said a bad word I fear !

Jack Nicholson: F**K you, I’ll shoot you where you stand !

Horton: Stop, kind sir, you are hurting my ears and causing a stir…

Jack Nicholson: You think that hurts ? Well try this !

(Jack Nicholson brandishes a gun and then pistol-whips Horton).

Horton: With a sigh, I say today you must DIE !

(Horton then gores Jack Nicholson with his tusks).

~

Hmmm. Sounds like that will go STRAIGHT to video.

Oh well, at any rate, don’t miss your chance to catch “Horton
Hears A Who!” on the big screen…

To sum things up:

I meant what I said, and I said what I meant,
if you see “Horton” it is money well spent !

Hey, very funny stuff, reminds me that I need to go see this movie while it’s in the theatres…. Horton Hears the Who lol…. how about Horton hears the Grateful Dead, lol,…. -Ed (oh and I googled to find your blog, and updated your comment on my blog and pointed the URL for your avatar to here.)

Thank you so much Ed ! Be sure to let me
know what you thought of the picture !
LOL @ The Grateful Dead… Just a couple
of days ago I found a ticket stub to one of
their last concerts… (I saw them back in
May of 1995) !!!