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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Collecting Conversations, 4.10.13

I spent the day collecting the conversations around me.

I just want to say, if you are a participant in any of these, I hope my recollections of our time together is accurate. My reactions were only shock, surprise, delight, confusion, and whaaaa? There was never any judgment, and I sure hope we run into each other again soon.

One more disclaimer, there is some major potty talk in one of these. But how can you talk about pushing a baby out without a little confusion in anatomy and terminology?

On the way to school this morning...

Henry: Mom, I am SO glad I am not a girl.
Me: Okay. Why?
Henry: Because then I would have boobies coming out of nowhere and I would have to poop out a baby.
Me: Whaaa? Women don't poop out babies!
Henry: Well then they push them out the tee-tee hole. So the baby comes out like a water slide (he's laughing now).
Svea: Nuh-unh Henry! That is NOT how it works! They have to CUT the mommy's tummy to get the baby out.
Henry: Whatever, Svea.
Svea: Henry, it's really hard to do!! You have to push REALLY hard and then the baby comes out your bum-crack hole!Cue sounds of me driving off the road.

Friend: Girl, I have to tell you about a dream I had last night! I was at church! The word "Emmanuel" kept coming up!! I have GOT to find out who this Emmanuel is!!!!
Me: Okay. We can do that.

I'm helping at the book fair and a kindergarten class comes in. They give me three students to help shop.

Student #1: Zzzzzzzziiiiiipppp. He is off running to a far corner to shop on his own. He hates the idea of my help.

Student #2: No. No. No. I don't like that. I'm going over here...

Student #3: Hum Him Hoom Here Day Yur?
Me: I'm sorry, I don't understand you.
Student #3: Points at 2 books wrapped together with dog tags inside. Humm Whoo Yay Yur. They-ur.
Me: Studying the dog tags and trying to understand.
Student #3: Just one. He wants to unwrap the book and set and just have the dog tags. Then he points at the books. Tim tumm dey fuh reeyul?
Me: Is it real? Like is this a real book?
Student #3: Hmm. True?
Me: Is it true? Like is this nonfiction?? I'm getting really excited that I might understand!!!! Yes, it's a true story!!
Student #3: Looks at me blankly and walks to look at other books. He will not speak to me again.
I go back to talk to some other moms who are volunteering.
I'm hoping for better luck.

Other Mom: Phones are so disgusting. They say you should wash them in alcohol. One time? I walked in and my husband was sitting on the potty? He was playing a game on his phone. So I said, "Why are you still in here? I NEVER get to sit on the potty this long!!"

Me: Am I missing something? What about the fact that he's playing a game while on the toilet?? Seriously, is this what people do?

Henry: Mooooom?!!!!?
Me: Yeah?
Henry: silence
Me: waiting
Henry: silence
Me: Henry?
Henry: What?!?
Me: You called my name.
Henry: No I didn't. Then he walks out of the room.
Me: What just happened?