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Cancer Might Be the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

My husband was driving me home from chemo last week and made
the comment, looking at the sky, "Now we just need a good hard rain."

Within a couple of minutes, the blue skies turned dark and we could see rain
falling ahead. Soon we were in the midst of an old-fashioned rainstorm. A good,
hard rain.

I said to him, "Your wish is obviously the universe's command."

His response was, "If my wish was the universe's command, you
wouldn't have cancer."

I thought about this for a minute and replied, "I'm pretty sure I'm
supposed to have cancer."

Obviously if I die from this cancer, the following statement may prove not to
be true. But right now I'm feeling like cancer might be the best thing
that ever happened to me.

With the cancer diagnosis, my priorities changed in an instant. The
list of what was truly important got real short, real quick.
Decision-making became easier. I became more motivated to do things I had been
putting off.

The old phrase about not sweating the small stuff became
crystal clear. I used to be someone who tended to get bogged down at times in
the minutiae. Not so much post-diagnosis. My time now is much more precious.

Although cancer is definitely scary, in some ways it has decreased my level
of anxiety about certain things, almost like a built-in Xanax drip.
Getting stressed over much of anything seems silly now. An
instant mellowing of sorts has transpired.

I've been in the same job for 20 years and was always one of the ones who
billed hours on nights and weekends, taking pride in always being available.
When I did take vacations, I always stayed connected to the office and to
clients ... even on my honeymoon.

For the first time in two decades ... really for the first time in my adult
life ... I'm truly taking a break. After my maternity leave ran
out, I took advantage of our firm's medical leave policy. And I really, truly
have been "off" work.

Although I've missed my job, this break has forced me to see what truly
disconnecting looks and feels like. And it has made me realize that while I do
want to go back, I also want to do things a little differently when I do.
I want to truly practice the art of balancing home life and work
life, and not just talk about doing so.

Cancer helped me find my voice in writing from a personal
standpoint. What started out as a way to avoid talking about my diagnosis became
therapeutic for me and then, it turns out, for others as well.

The cancer surgery and treatment forced me to look at old body image issues I
had not realized were still under the surface. The disease also caused me to
take a hard look at how well (or not) I take care of
myself, and what food I put into my body.

Cancer treatment made me reexamine my old ideals of beauty.
And to be grateful for the gifts of health and well being that I have been
given, like a strong and steady heartbeat. Two legs on which to walk. The
ability to see and hear and breathe deeply on my own. A (mostly) sharp mind.

Cancer took my relationship with my husband to another
level.

The cancer brought me closer to my family. It helped take
down walls I didn't realize were there.

It also brought me closer to many of the amazing people in my life, and drew
many, many more new friends into my circle. A core group quietly formed,
relationships that are truer and deeper than ever before. It's
amazing how certain people show up, sometimes when you least expect it. I feel
so fortunate to have such a loving team on my side. And I know part of this has
to do with me putting asidepretense and letting myself
be vulnerable. Cancer caused me to get real. And I learned that when
you're real with people, oftentimes they're real right back. And therein lies
the reward.

Cancer forced me to set aside pride and to learn to ask for and
accept help.

Cancer showed me what I knew intellectually but never really "got" before
now: that control is a largely an illusion, and that attempts
to control are a waste of valuable energy.

Cancer caused me to say "yes" more, and to say aloud certain
things that before I would have just kept to myself ... to not let moments
pass.

It has given me bigger balls and a smaller ego. It is truly
humbling.

Cancer also gave me the courage to say "no" more, to not
agree to do things I do not want to do just to please others or maintain
appearances.

Knowing that my time on this planet may be more limited than I anticipated
made me treasure the present, the big things as well as the
seemingly small.

It sharpened all five of my senses and then some.

Cancer filled me with gratitude for all that I have, and all of the
experiences that led me to this moment in time. It made me savor more
and regret less.

Cancer has given me courage and confidence. It has also given me more
compassion and empathy. It has made me realize than I'm stronger than I
ever thought I was.

Before I started chemo, I made the choice to view my treatment as the
ultimate cleanse. I just had no idea how much would be cleaned out in
the process. Old baggage far beyond the cancer. A chance to be
reborn.

beautifully written. That photo is absolutely stunning! My husband & I found the very same truth through a medical trauma. It was not cancer but we traveled a path together that has made us the better for the journey. I am happy to say that 14 years after our first medical trauma, we STILL live our life with the lessons that that journey taught us. We do not sweat the small stuff- and it is almost ALL small stuff. We have a saying "count to 6" meaning as long as we are all accounted for- NOTHING else matters- and it really doesn't. There were times that all I could do was count to 6 over and over again to get through the minutes. We laugh a lot more, and cry if we need to, get angry less & choose to be truly "present" more. I pray your journey continues to take you to the places you wish to be. Blessings to you and yours.

I watched a woman who's Dr told her she wouldn't make it; she went somewhere for alternative medicine. The next time I saw her, she looked a different person... in her eyes. She was a single mom. She just said she was going to live; she did.

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