What’s going on with Orlando Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy in this picture? Hays fills in the missing cutline: 1. Stan Van Gundy reacts after official tells him he should be arrested for not getting out of the first round of the playoffs with Dwight Howard;2. Van Gundy demonstrates the latest dance craze during a timeout in a game against the Hawks;3. Official not impressed by Van Gundy’s Ravishing Rick Rude impression.

“The Monday Hays” sports its own soundtrack. Cue up these songs and play them in the order listed to get the full reader experience.

“And with the fourth pick in the 2012 NFL Draft, the Jacksonville Jaguars select...”

Get ready to hear those words from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell this time next year, Jaguars fans.

There are now only a few NFL teams as lowly as your Jacksonville squad heading into the 2011 season, assuming it is played, of course. The number can easily be counted on one hand after a bizarre draft performance by the Jaguars.

I’m shocked at how well this draft is being received on a local and national level.

Smith said Saturday that the Jaguars would sign two-to-four veterans in free agency to help the defense. He’ll have to or this might look like an expansion-level defense in the fall. Although, electing to rebuild through free agency is a dangerous gamble. The Jaguars are so desperate for help they’ll likely have to overpay to land unspectacular players.

Speaking of unspectacular, I do feel for the serviceable David Garrard. He helped Jacksonville win eight games last season with a putrid defense and his reward is the arrival of Gabbert.

There will be no competition between Garrard and Gabbert. The minute head coach Jack Del Rio feels Gabbert is ready, he’s starting the rookie. My guess is Week 13 at home vs. San Diego. The marriage between the Jaguars and Garrard is over.

The Jaguars should have tried to fill their defensive holes through the draft and make a run at the playoffs. Instead, they entered rebuilding mode, although no one within the franchise will ever admit it.

This draft might look brilliant in two years. At least Smith didn’t fall for Jake Locker. If Gabbert is a franchise quarterback, the rebuilding process won’t last long. With the offensive line well stocked, the Jaguars will use next year’s draft to find defensive help and toys for Gabbert.

Sports columnists around country miffed their team didn’t draft Mark Herzlich

Jim Tressel urinates on NCAA’s notice-of-allegations letter

Jacksonville Sharks and Orlando Predators will play next game inside a steel cage

Report: Number of players crying at draft rose 42 percent

Have a headline? Hays wants to read it. Email your suggestions to hays.carlyon@jacksonville.com or write it in the comments section below. The best submissions will appear in Hays’ Page 2 in Wednesday’s Times-Union.

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Simple Thoughts

Congratulations and a big thank you to all the men and women who helped find and kill Osama bin Laden.

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Here’s some backstory on Gabbert. He was a five-star prospect coming out of high school. Rivals.com ranked him as the 14th-best overall player in the 2008 class and the top-rated pro-style quarterback. The Ballwin (Mo.) Parkway West standout originally committed to Nebraska on May 15, 2007. Then-Nebraska head coach Bill Callahan’s tenure took a quick downturn that fall and Gabbert switched his pledge to Missouri on Nov. 10. During the summer that year, Gabbert was named the MVP of the prestigious EA Sports Elite 11 Quarterback Camp.

As an aside, you have to give Rivals credit. The recruiting website ranked six of the players selected in the top 10 of this draft as five-star prospects. Two others were four-star recruits and two more were three-star players. That’s a pretty stout ratio of success.

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Of the seven quarterbacks selected in the first two rounds of the NFL Draft, Christian Ponder landed in by far the best situation.

The former Florida State standout heads to Minnesota, which has plenty of offensive weapons. Also, there’s no incumbent for Ponder to beat out. The job is basically his as soon as he shows he’s ready.

Ponder will have Adrian Peterson behind him and that will keep opposing defenses honest. He then gets to throw to perhaps Sidney Rice (who is a free agent) and Percy Harvin. I also think Minnesota’s second-round pick, Notre Dame tight end Kyle Rudolph, will be outstanding for the Vikings. Minnesota’s line is aging, but still fairly solid.

There’s no excuse for Ponder not to live up to the billing that comes with being the 12th pick in the draft.

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Tim Tebow’s future in Denver got on much more solid footing after draft weekend.

The Broncos entered the draft with some uncertainty at quarterback. There were whispers the organization, now being run from a talent standpoint by John Elway, had lost some confidence in Tebow. The former Florida and Nease phenom will battle Kyle Orton for the starting job whenever labor peace is achieved.

There was some speculation Denver might select a quarterback high in the draft, but instead the Broncos focused on their league-worst defense. The only offensive players Denver selected were a lineman and two tight ends.

Elway also publically praised Tebow in the days leading up to the draft. Words are one thing. Draft picks are another. After Denver’s draft, it is clear Elway doesn’t think the organization needs a new quarterback.

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I’d be nervous about New England taking Ryan Mallett if I was Tom Brady. The Patriots are cut throat. They’ll trade superstars that still have some good days left in them. They do it to get max value for an aging asset.

Mallett has a ton of talent. If he can gain the franchise’s trust over the next two years, I could foresee a scenario in which New England traded Brady going into 2013. Brady will turn 36 that year. The Patriots have never shown any sign of sentimentality over a player. Now, maybe Brady will be a different case, but I wouldn’t consider it a lock.

* * *

There’s a house being built in the lot next to mine. It’s amazing watching the workers building the frame of the roof do their jobs. They are like trapeze artists. These guys are hammering in boards 25 feet off the ground with only a concrete slab below them.

They must be real pros. No one watches out for them below. The graceful and carefree way these guys walked all over the construction was stunning.

I wouldn’t last 10 seconds before the words “compound fracture” would be in play. I probably watched them for 15 minutes from the guest-room window. It was great entertainment and, thankfully, no one fell.

* * *

It’s never too early to start thinking about fantasy football. Former Hilliard standout Daniel Thomas might end up being the hottest rookie in terms of pre-draft buzz. The Kansas State back is in the perfect situation in Miami.

Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown are free agents. Also, the Dolphins have a quality line that just got better with the addition of Florida offensive guard Mike Pouncey. Most importantly, the Dolphins are one of the few teams in the league that remain committed to the run over the pass.

Thomas could get a lot of touches next season for Miami and that means he’ll likely go in the third-or-fourth round of most fantasy drafts.

He should definitely be the top rookie back selected. Mark Ingram won’t get enough carries with the pass-happy Saints. The other three backs taken ahead of Thomas are in massive committee situations.

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As far as an established player whose fantasy value rose after the draft, I’m going with Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan.

He was a borderline top-10 quarterback, with most analysts ranking him between 10 to 14. Now, with the addition of Alabama standout receiver Julio Jones, Ryan’s value increases. He has a potentially dominant receiving corps and still has a stout running game behind him to keep defenses off balance. Ryan’s now seventh, in my opinion, jumping Josh Freeman, Tony Romo, Ben Roethlisberger and Matt Schaub. By the way, there’s a ridiculous amount of quarterback depth next year, so don’t prioritize the position at all in your draft. There are 16 quarterbacks right now that I would be happy with.

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Hard to believe Steve Carell’s finished with “The Office.” I thought the writers gave his Michael Scott character a proper sendoff. It was sweeter than I thought it would be.

However, I still can’t figure out how Will Ferrell could bomb so horribly with a character. You’d think he’d shine on a show like “The Office,” where much of the humor is improvised. His Deangelo Vickers character is weak. Maybe Ferrell held back, not wanting to overshadow Carell. With his buddy’s finale out of the way, maybe Ferrell can salvage his brief run on the show.

* * *

Further proof that Miami had to fire Randy Shannon. The Hurricanes finished 7-6 with a roster that included eight players that were drafted. Six of those players were picked between selections 46-to-109 in the draft.

Talk about underachieving.

Alabama and Ohio State had five players drafted. National champ Auburn had four, as did Florida. FSU, who drilled Miami 45-17, had three.

The colts were not 9-7 *(which totally made me quit reading your crazy reply) and the only reason the Jags were even close to the division championship (which they choked away when they faced real competition in the pressure of the late season) is they were gifted 3 wins...put your name on the line..what will Jags be?..make a prediction 5-11 sounds pretty accurate to me. Keep up good work Hays

As I mentioned, I think it is ridiculous to forecast a season without the benefit of knowing what the rosters will look like. Heck, given the week to week and month to month team evolutions, it's tough to predict wins and losses DURING THE SEASON.

Someone may very well be spot on with their "guess" of 5-11, no one knows. At this point in time, during which we have not had pro free agency, one is projecting next year's wins and losses on last year's team performances (and not even knowing who are all your starters). Ask New Orleans how that works. New Orleans went from last place division finish to Super Bowl Champs.

Would having Michael Huff or Nnamdi Asomugha in the Jag's secondary change your game by game predictions? You bet it would.

I appreciate everyone's comments and thank you for taking the time to read the column.
I'm curious to get the thoughts of those who think I'm way off on my 5-11 pick. Going game-by-game how do you think the Jaguars will fare?
Don't just give me 9-7. Look at who Jacksonville faces each week and tell me which games you feel like are wins.
Take care,
Hays