26 May 2012

Wanna feel really old? The first Men In Black movie came out 15 years ago. You're welcome.

I don't know who was clamoring for a third one after all this time, but here it is. Once again, I went to see this movie due to marital obligations. Expected nothing and got nothing. Maybe the first one was a funny little novelty 15 years ago but now -- who the hell cares? Will Smith schitck has grown tiresome. The alien crap is always the same. The only thing interesting about this one is Josh Brolin's spot-on Tommy Lee Jones imitation, but you can just watch that in the trailer. Otherwise, it's pretty damn boring.

I have no idea where all the "good" reviews are coming from. I guess it's "good" in that it's not "bloody awful?" Mike liked Battleship better, if that gives you any indication....

19 May 2012

OMG this movie suuuucks. And, like, I expected it to, but I was kind of hoping for mindless fun. Instead it was just mindless. And the opposite of fun. You know how The Avengers is the perfect movie to see, where you're cheering and laughing and having a great time? Battleship is not that.

OK so it's aliens attacking at sea and they really do incorporate the board game at one point which is kind of amusing, but otherwise? No. It made no sense. These aliens pretty much should have wiped us out. Their weakness made no sense. The way they would decide to blow up one person/ship and bypass another made less sense.

And the end? OMG. OK - screw it. I'm spoiling the movie. If you really don't want to know what happens in Battleship, go away. It's not like it's some shocking ending - Bruce Willis isn't dead the whole time - it's just that it's so ridiculous I need to discuss it.

OK. So. All the ships at sea are destroyed but then they realize they have 1 more ship we can use -- a battleship that has been retired for decades and is a museum. So. When the ragtag group of, like, 6 survivors gets to the battleship, the museum is staffed by what appears to be 100 retired seamen. Why there are so many, and why there are no patrons, who knows. I mean, who cares about a battleship museum anyway?

So the old retired guys join the youngsters in fighting, showing them how to work the outdated ship, weapons, etc. And while you might think it would make you go, "Eff yeah! Go old guys!" instead it made me laugh. I was laughing for several minutes during the "climactic" battle scene. Because it read like a Funny or Die skit instead. Like, haha, look at these old guys pretending to be action heroes.

And the old guys couldn't act. So they must have been real veterans. And on that same subject, there's a double-amputee in the movie who I'm also guessing has never acted a day in his life. Look, I feel bad, you lost your legs, but you can't act. You can find something else to do. You're making Brooklyn Decker seem good. And yes, I believe the world is saved largely through the work of this double-amputee and his skinny physical therapist. Oh wait - there's also a "wise-cracking" scientific guy. But he's not funny. None of it is. Except unintentionally.

There were also 2-3 scenes that I'm pretty sure were actually done 2 times each. Including a different character saying some variation of, "Take that, mother--" and then getting cut off by gunfire. Um, no. You either say MFer or you don't. But you certainly don't fail at it twice.

16 May 2012

So they're doing a zombie apocalypse thing at Petco Park - The Walking Dead Escape - during Comic-Con. Check it out. More details to come, but I picture it like Halloween Horror Nights combined with an obstacle course. I've got tickets for Thursday at 9 PM and I'm soooooo excited about it!! I'm going to run from zombies!!!!

Then check out this casting news. He'll always be Chase Edmunds to me! Glad he's getting more good roles!

The latest addition to the cast of Shane Black‘s Iron Man 3 is James Badge Dale, who has signed on to play a villain called Savin. Despite the fact that the film starts shooting just weeks from now, Marvel has done a very good job keeping details of the plot quiet. There are rumors that Ben Kingsley is playing the Mandarin, and other rumors that the overall plot of the film involves nanotechnology and some version of the Extremis storyline from Marvel’s comic series.

12 May 2012

OK, I'm sober and it's a beautiful morning. Bring on what is sure to be a crazy, emotional season finale of Fringe.

William Bell brags to Walter that he's building his own universe. They're on a barge and Bell has a God/Noah's Ark vibe going on.

The chick from Lost is being followed by September and calls Olivia and Peter. When they get to her house, they find a crumbled hole in the floor. But they're called away to the hospital, where Astrid is in surgery for her gunshot wound. Astrid's all broken up because she lost Walter. :(

Olivia and Peter head to the warehouse and September is there, with the chick from Lost, who is holding a gun on him. She shoots at September, but he catches the bullets. So she uses a gun invented by Bell (it shoots faster than Observers can catch), and gets September in the chest. Then she shoots at him again and Olivia's superpowered ass catches the bullets and flings them back at her!!!! PWNED. R.I.P. bitch!!!! September wanders off to investigate the future, or whatever it is Observers do.

Peter and Olivia bring Dead Bitch back to the lab for "questioning". And a giant needle through her brain. Ick. Nina brings the tech and they get to it. It's the craziest dead-person-interrogation ever. The chick kind of reanimates, but her eyes move all over the place and her facial muscles twitch and it's creepy as hell. Cree. Pee. She tells them Bell is on a boat, and is going to collapse/rebuild the universe using some energy source. Olivia grabs her and sends electricity through the room. Olivia is your energy source, ladies and gentlemen. She's Magneto or some shit, resonating an electromagnetic field. So all that nonsense last week was really just part of the activation process, so Bell could get Olivia's mojo working to his advantage. I'll allow it.

The team locates the barge and heads into the universe destroying/creating storm over the ocean. The barge isn't visible to Olivia and Nina, only to Peter, which means it's already crossed over. Olivia has the ability to cross over, so she and Peter leap off the helicopter together and on to the barge.

Peter and Olivia bust in on Walter and Bell. Bell's all, "I can't turn it off, Olivia's doing this." So Walter shoots Olivia through the head. Then Bell does his little ringing-the-bell thing and disappears from the universe. The barge is now fully back in the regular universe.

Walter slaps a grieving Peter and says he can save Olivia because of her superpowers. He digs a hole in her head, making an exit wound and driving the bullet through her head with a long radio antenna. Oh god. Enough with the objects in people's heads today! The bullet pops out and her head starts to heal.

Broyles meets with the government, gets promoted to General and gets funding to expand Fringe Division. Broyles offers Nina the job of running the science department. Oh and guess what - Olivia's pregnant. That's no shocker really.

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: No, that's not lemon jello, it's urine. Thank goodness Astrid has some licorice to share with him at the hospital.

In the end, Walter's making toasted PB&J at the lab when he's visited by September, who tells him, "They are coming." Pretty kickass finale, with typical resolution-but-not-really. Looking forward to our (too-short) final season!!

11 May 2012

So I'm too drunk to watch Fringe. I mean, I'm OK - like, I can still catch most of my typos - but I'm too drunk to watch a show I love and want to pay attention to, especially for a season finale. So my babies will have to wait until tomorrow.

Instead I watch Grimm whilst blogging about the latest TV news because I don't seem to blog anymore. Let's see -- Alcatraz got canceled. Which is bullshit mostly because I love me some Sam Neill on TV. And I love prison. Awake got canned today. Duh. I gave up on that piece of crap after like 4 episodes. A great concept that was just boring as shit and godawful. Ringer got canceled and I only watched 2 of those before giving up.

And then we have our comedies. The Office sucks big time, but is renewed with no problem. Community and 30 Rock get picked up for final, 13-episode seasons. Final seasons? That's some BS. They join Fringe on the boo-hoo-but-at-least-we-get-final-seasons list. On the bright side? Parks & Recreation got picked up for a full season. Yesssss.

05 May 2012

OK. This episode was weird. It's not just me - I'm not drunk or anything this time. It was oddly paced and confusing as hell. Maybe because it's the first part of a two-parter? So you don't know what the point of anything is yet? I don't know. I just wasn't feeling it. And the show's been SO GOOD this season! Whatever - I'll have faith.

Freak of the Week: A couple dozen people in a public place start smoking from the mouth and head and then drop dead. Everyone else in the area realizes that if they hold perfectly still, they won't be affected. Walter discovers that nanites are responsible - transmitted through the escalator and then activated by people's movements. Huh????

At any rate, that Australian chick from Lost is one of those infected and playing freeze tag, and the team takes her back to the lab to try to find an antidote. When the chick gets all feverish, Olivia grabs her hand and essentially sucks the fever out of her and into herself. Walter develops an antidote. End of that. Well, wasn't that easy.

In other news, Peter and Olivia are house hunting, and looking for a place with a nursery. They're very sweet and happy -- so, you know, it's going to end badly.

David Robert Jones is responsible for unleashing the nanites, because he's responsible for everything. But Walter thinks that William Bell is responsible for the design of the nanites. And he's right -- Old-ass Spock is back, baby, and working with DRJ.

Nina insists that Bell died several years back, in a car "accident" after getting tired of suffering from cancer. But Walter believes Bell visited him at the insane asylum since that date, and goes there to check the logs.

OK and then, as if enough weird, random shit weren't happening, there's this thing about a DRJ-controlled sunbeam. I'm going to ignore this. This was dumb. Long story short, Peter and Olivia work to turn off the sunbeam, but then DRJ attacks
Peter. Olivia breaks out some telekinesis, controlling Peter's body and
beating up DRJ. DRJ disintegrates. RIP DRJ. What.Walter's Food Thing of the Week: Walter makes a lemon cake in an Easy Bake Oven. A lemon cake laced with pig brain, because lemon cake is the best incubator. And the pig brain helps him determine that Bell's fingerprints are on the visitors' log from the hospital. See, now that I can accept more than a giant sunbeam. But really - WHAT!?

OK and THEN? When Astrid and Walter are tracking Bell? Astrid ends up getting shot in the back. What the hell. Whuuutttttt.