Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Godly Woman's Journey: {W}hole

Memory/Meditation Verse: " For this reason I raised you up: so that I may display My power in you, and that My name may be proclaimed in all the earth." ~ Rom 9:17 (HCSB)

There is a restlessness in me I can't quite explain. An unsettling. An urgency. I know it is from God...but the uncertainty of it paralyzes me sometimes. Some days it is an outright battle...me against "it". Or is it a battle between God and satan for my life?

The mountain peaks of my spiritual walk run too closely with the valleys. Do you know what I mean? Do you have those weeks where God's Word graces your life with messages of hope and strength and then within one night...even one hour, change occurs and God seems so silent, so distant.

I truly believe the valleys are of my own doing. I lose my grip or my foot slips because I allow something into my heart or my mind that is not from God but of my own selfishness. I am left with "holes" in my life...emptiness, lack of self-worth, disgrace and rejection. But no matter how hard I fall, I can still say I hunger andthirst for a deeper relationship with my God. This in turn feeds deeper into my restlessness.

Then I picked up this book and though I am only a couple of pages into it I read...

"My story: my life...my journey...the things I'd seen and done in my life. My holes: the things that had come as a result, limiting and defining me. Holes in my religion, roles, and experiences had kept me from many things: effectiveness, peace, fulfilling my created purpose." ~ {W}hole, Lisa Whittle, pp.3.http://wholethebook.org

Holes. My past. My story. A plague of resentment and regret that I choose not to linger on. Then I come across our memory/meditation verse listed above from in this first chapter and I am reminded of God's work in and through me during those times. I am pulled up from the valley I have fallen into, the dust is wiped off my jeans and a strong hand reaches out to me and pulls me back up into His presence and I hear...

" For this reason, I allow you to stumble, to fall into the valley so that I can raise you up. It is in raising you up from yourself and your failures that I can bring you into My likeness. It is though the valleys that I may display My power in you. And by doing it this way, My name will be glorified through the healing I display in your life. No matter how ugly you have tried to make it, I want others to see Me in you and in all that you have been."

Satan wants me to dwell on the past itself and not on where my past has brought me with my God. There are many holes in my life, some holes created by my own actions, other holes created by the acts of others. Whatever the cause I have learned over the years the power of healing found through scripture and some of these holes are fully filled with God now.How easy we forget this when we are in the valley, be it for an hour or a week.

Picking up Lisa's book has soften the restlessness I have been experiencing. A refocusing of the past that has brought me to a {W}holeness I cherish. It has been in some of my worst times that God has been most real, most near to me. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

"I can find no greater purpose than to be used by God to tell that holes-to-wholeness story by proof of a changed life...God saved me from myself and I couldn't be more grateful." (pp. 41)

I want an authentic faith, an intimate relationship with God that allows me to live confidently for Him and not for myself. I want to be able to share His goodness to others through my valleys, my story, my holes that have drawn me closer to knowing and experiencing Him. I want to be a living, breathing representation of Christ.

"What seems a hindrance becomes a way" ~ Henri Nouwen (pp.1)

A godly woman bravely embraces her Master and chooses not to let go. Knowing and experiencing Him becomes her mission in life. I am grateful for the {W}holeness I have found for my holes.

Philippians 3:10-11, Amplified

For my determined purpose is that I may know Him that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly, and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection which it exerts over believers, and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed in spirit into His likeness even to His death, in the hope that if possible I may attain to the spiritual and moral resurrection that lifts me out from among the dead even while in the body.

My Better Half....

He still takes my breath away!

My Spiritual Goal's thoughout the years...

2015 I am unsettled. I want God more...Revive deep spirituality in my heart; let me live near to the Great Shepherd, hear his voice, know its tones, follow its calls. "Lord, I cry out to you. I say, “You are my protection. You are all I want in this life.” ~ Ps. 142: 52014 Enough & Anchored: God is enough (focus) & I will be anchored in Him (action)."Lord," said Phillip, "Show us the Father, and that's ENOUGH for us." ~John 14:8 (HCSB). "[God's] hope is real & true, an ANCHOR to steady our restless souls, a hope that leads us back...to where God is..." ~ Heb 16:9 (The Voice)

2013: Diakono's Living-Loving Out Loud (LOL): having the heart to do something radical for God.Don’t neglect to do what is good and to share, for God is pleased with such sacrifices. ~ Hebrews 13:16 (HCSB)2012: Living Out Loud (LOL): Losing control for what God wants me to do!! ~ Isaiah 58: 10-12 (Message)

2011 Goal: A Godly Woman's Journey: having a fuller understanding and expression of the love of God. ~ 2 Thes 3:5

2010 Goal: To grow my trust (faithfulness) in Him and to Praise (thankfulness) Him more!~Ps 63:1-8

2009 Goal: increase my prayer life ~ Col 4:2-6

2008 Goal: heart, mind, & action of a servant~ Isa 61:1-3

2007 Goal: Freedom from my past ~Ps 40:1-3

Siesta Scripture Memory Team 2011

In 2009 I started memorizing scripture with Beth Moore's Siesta Scripture Memory Team. It started a journey in my life that I now cherish. I didn't think my "older" brain could memorize scripture but it has and it has literally been my "life-line" in some of the most troubling times over these past few years. I encourage you to join us in this new year. Here are my chosen scripture throughout the years:

2015 Memory Verses: Ps 142: 5 (NCV);

Verse for the year 2014: “Lord,” said Philip, “show us the Father, and that’s enough for us.” ~ John 14:8 (HCSB)

One of my favorites...

To get your copy, click on the book and PLEASE remember to pray for Elaine as she journeys with breast cancer.

I am not a writer...I am a women of grace, who through life circumstances has learn what it means to live in and through Christ. I wouldn't change a thing in my life because of where it has brought me spiritually with my Lord (Psalms 40:1-3). I have a godly husband and a blended family with six girls!! I am blessed!! I am also nurse, an educator, and have served in youth and women's ministry. I started this blog years ago when I was active in women's ministry but life got difficult, and the pain and losses pulled me out of ministry. Though my heart longs to be back there, I have recently changed my focus here to be more of a legacy for our girls. As I grow more in love with Jesus every day, I pray and hope that I pass that on to them. If you have stumbled onto this blog, I pray that in my being open and transparent, you too see Christ in my living and are encouraged. As I study His word deeper, I strive to become more like Jesus. Therefore, my prayer for this blog comes from Isaiah 50:4 "Sovereign Lord, give me your words of wisdom, so that I will know how to comfort the weary and those who need to know Your grace. Morning by morning awaken me and open my understanding to Your will. Guide me to share it here".