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Some Madness Explained

I have talked before about the madness an artist feels when compelled to create (see here). Compulsion is truly too mild of a word for this feeling. It is a desire – a complete NEED to create. It can take many different forms and is different for each artist. For me, it is an eclectic combination of creative work. At times, I just need to be at the piano. Other times, I need to NOT be at the piano. During these times (which are quite frequent), I turn to other art forms. I have a sketch book (even though I absolutely cannot draw well), I have tried learning to loom knit, I have dabbled in beaded jewelry, I do crafts (only when absolutely necessary – I really hate crafts), and I keep three books: a journal, a book for spiritual/church notes and thoughts, and a book of random thoughts and writings. I have even thought about trying my hand at photography but I think that I will leave that art form to my parents and sister.

When this compulsion to create hits, it tells me what I need to be doing. I know I sound absolutely “mad” here but I’m okay, really. The “real world” is always interfering in this process. I will be working on something that is progressing well and I am starting to feel really great about it, and then the phone rings, the ipad dings, or I have to go to work. I especially do not like having to go to work when I am feeling this way – it makes me feel much more antsy. These interruptions are irritating on a level that is truly inexpressible and I may utter a few things that I probably should refrain from saying. So, I stop to deal with reality and this need to create multiplies within. Do you know what that feels like? Can you even begin to comprehend?

The artist within is calling for more, more, more. The world outside is calling for more, more, more. A person can only stretch so far before snapping and retreating. I see why artists from the past have been viewed as crazy and/or reclusive. I also understand more why they would search for peace and quiet to create. I like to think that I understand some of my favorite composers and authors a bit better. I would love the opportunity to live in a cabin by a lake, miles from any neighbors, with no internet, and just have the time and solitude to create.

There is too much distraction and too much sensory stimulation in this world for my taste. I am much too tired of the false positives created by social media. I am much too tired of the politics and conflicts that exist in the workplace. I am, most of all, much too tired of the world interrupting my creativity and dictating how I should use my time.

So, for today, I will now silence all my electronic devices, sit on my patio in the sunshine, and write. Maybe I will do a little reading too.