Husbands, who needs em?!

Our daughter is now one years old and we are trying for baby #2. Since being pregnant and having our first baby I have not gotten back into any kind of workout routine. I'm about ten to fifteen pounds overweight.

My husband takes this as evidence that I am not the kind of person who values being in shape and working out. I feel like his attitude towards me has changed, and that there is now a strain on our relationship.

I feel torn because part of me understands that if you are the kind of person who does place a lot of importance on being fit and in shape, then it would be difficult to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way. But at the same time, how could he let something like that get in the way of our relationship? We are still intimate, but sometimes I feel like he can barely talk to me without acting resentful.

What are your thoughts? Is this abusive? Unfair? Is it understandable for me to be angry with him for acting differently towards me just because I'm not working out?

Our daughter is now one years old and we are trying for baby #2. Since being pregnant and having our first baby I have not gotten back into any kind of workout routine. I'm about ten to fifteen pounds overweight.

My husband takes this as evidence that I am not the kind of person who values being in shape and working out. I feel like his attitude towards me has changed, and that there is now a strain on our relationship.

I feel torn because part of me understands that if you are the kind of person who does place a lot of importance on being fit and in shape, then it would be difficult to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way. But at the same time, how could he let something like that get in the way of our relationship? We are still intimate, but sometimes I feel like he can barely talk to me without acting resentful.

What are your thoughts? Is this abusive? Unfair? Is it understandable for me to be angry with him for acting differently towards me just because I'm not working out?

I don't have this issue with dh. He offers to help me work out and lost weight because he knows it bothers me, not because it bothers him. I will say that there are a certain breed of service members that, for some reason do not understand or tolerate weight gain and such. I was 6 mo post pregnancy and was reprimanded for not losing all weight I gained. Some people just have it harder than others when it comes to managing weight and military standards are not lenient to that. This seems to leak into relationships when a spouse feels the pressure to be under the same standards. I won't speak for all relationships, but this is what I've seen with some of our friends. I would only consider it abuse if he uses it to degrade you and put you down. Have you discussed with him how he's making you feel?

I don't have this issue with dh. He offers to help me work out and lost weight because he knows it bothers me, not because it bothers him. I will say that there are a certain breed of service members that, for some reason do not understand or tolerate weight gain and such. I was 6 mo post pregnancy and was reprimanded for not losing all weight I gained. Some people just have it harder than others when it comes to managing weight and military standards are not lenient to that. This seems to leak into relationships when a spouse feels the pressure to be under the same standards. I won't speak for all relationships, but this is what I've seen with some of our friends. I would only consider it abuse if he uses it to degrade you and put you down. Have you discussed with him how he's making you feel?

I agree with Elyn--you should talk with him about this. Were you very active/fit prior to having your first? If that has changed, maybe he doesn't understand why. Are there parent/tot programs he thinks you could get into that you haven't? If he married you thinking you had one attitude towards staying in shape and perceives that he wasn't correct now or is dissatisfied with how things have changed, he could be frustrated and TRYING not to let it slip but it subconsciously does. For some people fitness is a high priority, and not just because of looks. He may see it as a health issue that he has a right to be concerned about. We certainly get the health aspects drummed into us in the military.

I agree with Elyn--you should talk with him about this. Were you very active/fit prior to having your first? If that has changed, maybe he doesn't understand why. Are there parent/tot programs he thinks you could get into that you haven't? If he married you thinking you had one attitude towards staying in shape and perceives that he wasn't correct now or is dissatisfied with how things have changed, he could be frustrated and TRYING not to let it slip but it subconsciously does. For some people fitness is a high priority, and not just because of looks. He may see it as a health issue that he has a right to be concerned about. We certainly get the health aspects drummed into us in the military.

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