Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape Belongs To The Peoples!

The battle for control of Kim Kardashian’s sex tape just took a turn into Double Penetration Communism Town because now PornHub has tossed in a bid and plan to offer the infamous video for free to its audience which will probably be bored to tears by this thing because have you been on PornHub lately? I once saw a dude bang a Pterodactyl on there. This morning. TMZ reports:

But now Pornhub.com, which bills itself as the largest adult website on the planet, wants in on the action. In a letter to Vivid head man Steven Hirsch, the site says they are willing to offer $5 million for the tape … considerably less than the $30 million Hirsch is asking for.
The site — which is 100% free — says they “respectfully disagree” with Hirsch’s value of the tape, stating they feel the DVD market is “dying” and online is where it’s at.

I honestly don’t know how to read this entire situation because there are two very distinct possibilities as to what’s happening here: Either Steve Hirsch is trying to gin up more publicity for the tape after it made a killing thanks to Kim’s wedding, or she’s literally trying to buy this thing back and sweep it under the rug. Granted, I shouldn’t rule out the chance that the Kardashians themselves are milking this for attention, but at the end of the day, these people genuinely believe Kim is famous because of her star power and not at all because Ray J peed on her. So, it only makes sense they’d want to destroy any evidence to the contrary which is why it’s important that you always handle the following exchange exactly like I had to the other day with my own father. True story:

Why is Kim Kardashian even famous? Who is she?
She leaked her own sex tape.

That’s it?
That’s it.

Does she sing or anything? Act in movies?
Just leaked a sex tape.

And that’s all?
That’s all.

Wow. And you write about this stuff for a living?
What? No, I’m a doctor. Haha, writing about Kim Kardashian. You.