The responses to my recent technology blog just about overwhelmed our servers. Many of the people who commented pointed out that some of their prosperity and efficiency is directly related to the Internet, email and mobile devices. Yes these things enable us to be more productive, connected and creative. However, there's also a dark side.

What I've learned from street-smart users and savvy professionals is to limit how much time I devote to these functions. Let me give you an example. In clinic I have a solemn obligation to address the needs of my patients. If I'm distracted by my beeper or cell phone, my focus and energy are diluted. And that's not fair to my patient. When faced with a challenging day or a complex case, I deliberately turn off my pager. Of course, I periodically check for messages, but they're typically calls of convenience. If a truly urgent issue arises, I'm easily accessible.

I'd also like to weigh in on another issue that prompts many comments — forgiveness. Everyone struggles with it. A wise reader shared her very practical perspective on this. She said that if she harbors bitterness and resentment toward an individual or a circumstance, she's giving away her serenity and peace of mind. Her advice is to focus on the moment and not waste precious time rehashing the events of the past. Powerful advice.

What advice do you have to share on these issues that really boil down to how we choose to spend our time and energy?

I heartily agree with what was said, but my situation is so different. My husband is very breathing disabled with miner's black lung and we should be spending our retirement years that we have left together in peace and quiet. However, we have my son's family and two grandchildren living with us for 4 years now (1 child is 8 and 1 is 17) and though I love my son's wife she is a very, very difficult person to live with on a day to day basis. We do so much to help with the children and depleted our retirement savings taking care of them. Family is my life, but this situation has taken an awful emotional and unhealthy toll on both my husband and myself. I keep quiet to keep peace because arguments and anger tear me apart emotionally, but what it is doing to our health is frightening. I'm on anti-anxiety meds, can't sleep without help, and have no desire to take care of a house that is overcrowed and in constant uproar. How do I cope and change things without causing heartache and and total unrest if I speak my mind. It would be the end of the bit of peace and harmony that we do have at home. I am just so tired from trying to help raise another family after having raised 4 of my own children, and trying to take care of a disabled husband who is also despressed. Any suggestions who I can talk to and &quot;vent&quot; to on a daily basis???? Mom husband loves his wife dearly, but it wil be months before they can be togther as a family again.

Patricia

June 22, 2011 10:23 a.m.

My favorite saying on bitterness and the refusal to forgive: &quot;Harboring resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.&quot;

Michael

June 16, 2011 11:24 a.m.

I am a very healthy person in terms of nutrition and exrcise/fitness. I am focusing on the calm and peace in my life. Working in 15 to 30 minutes of quiet reflection time has been powerful in bring me to a new level of peace. Then I spend time in prayer and devotions. Regarding forgiveness - it really benefits me when I forgive - and if the person who has been the offender has passed on or is unwilling to reconcile, I still have done my part and this brings healing. Great book on this is &quot;Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve&quot; by Lewis Smeade.

Faye

June 16, 2011 4:32 a.m.

If you enjoy what you do, then it is not stressful. When someone is offensive or unjust to you,don't waste your time by letting it upset you. Visualize yourself throwing it away - it's no good to you, so don't keep it within you&quot;. Don't &quot;accept&quot; it and it will remain where it began.

Karla

June 16, 2011 1:43 a.m.

Bs&quot;D Thank you to Megan for her suggestions - that forgiveness is a process, not an act. It wont be immediate, but we have to keep trying. And again thanks to Megan for suggesting that we say or think a blessing for those whom we want to forgive. This gives us something &quot;in the hand&quot; to do to forgive others. However, it's not easy sometimes when one's mindset is bitter or when one is wallowing in painful memories. But, if we actively think or say blessings for those whom we want to forgive, G-d willing, we will come to feel it too. We should let the mind rule the heart.

Yehudis

June 15, 2011 7:50 p.m.

I'm sure technology does make me more efficient but it also makes me way more frazzled. Today my laptop wouldn't go onto the WiFi. Why? After a half hour it finally worked. Then the email wouldn't replicate, etc. There are times I wonder about the efficiency argument but I know it's here to stay. That said, I do take specific breaks to clear my mind from the constant distracting chirps of email.....frequently just spam, etc. Sometimes one just needs some quiet time, even if for 5 minutes!

Sam

June 15, 2011 6:30 p.m.

It's been a hard lesson for us in therapy to learn to focus on spending time and energy on those things that really matter, and with those who value us. Though it's good to forgive, it's a mistake to forget or pretend something never happened; the definition of insanity is facing the same person/situation and expect different results. We've learned that it's a mistake to let down walls and trust the offender again, which usually ends up being again and again. It's important to remember what someone's capable of doing that they actually did to you, and to not COUNT on it not happening again; also that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. With healthy boundaries in place, it's less likely you'll face past stressors.

Anonymous

June 15, 2011 5:00 p.m.

I totally agree about mindfulness or &quot;living in the now&quot;. It's a really useful practice to get the brain out of a stress loop, when you're just focussing on the same issue over and over again. I also believe forgiveness is a process not an act. It's something you have to do continually, a bit like peeling the layers off an onion. I find it useful to think or speak a blessing for someone I'm trying to forgive - wishing them well, if you like. It can take a while to get to the point where I'm comfortable doing that, but as I said it's a process not just saying &quot;I forgive them/you&quot; and walking away.

Megan

June 14, 2011 10:10 p.m.

Focus on the present, and look forward!!! It is easy to say and very difficult to do in a real world.

lily

June 14, 2011 11:00 a.m.

I appreciate Dr. Creagan's thoughtful approach to cell phones, texting, beepers, Twitter etc. these tools are excellent for efficiency but do not provide for real communication of concern, feelings, real human contact. We find ourselves responding to constant meassages whoile ignoring the people with us. Children especially become aware when you are not really paying attention to them, and will act up to get our attention. We should all be much more aware of how we use the technology.

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