I think first-time expectant parents can be pretty clueless about what's in store for them. But at least women have been imagining motherhood, talking with their mom friends, babysitting, hell, even playing with dolls. Guys, on the other hand, tend to be hopelessly under-prepared. Oh sure, there are a few who babysit and aren't completely in the dark. But wow, I've heard men spout some of the most delusional fantasies about fatherhood -- mostly about how it's not going to change their lives at all. Oh really, guys?

1. I'll still put in the same amount of time at the office. Sure, some guys do, and they'll justify it, especially if they're the sole breadwinner. But you'd be surprised how many dads actually want to get home in time to read bedtime stories.

2. You can do anything with a baby. No, you can't. For example, you can't water ski with a baby strapped on your chest. You can't take a baby to a loud ball game. And if you take a baby to a bar, people are going to get pissed. At you.

3. A baby can spend most of its time with a nanny the first year. Are you kidding me? This is not a plant we're talking about. This is a human being with a growing brain. Read up on "infant-parent bonding" because it's kind of important.

4. I'll leave most of the decisions up to my wife. Right, because women just "know" this stuff and don't need a partner in decision making or anything.

5. I'll still have my weekends to do what I want to do. You will! If what you want to do is attend soccer games every Saturday morning.