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Advice?

Hello!

My LO is 15 months, and we nursed pretty much on demand until I went back to work 3 months ago. At that point, based on some great advice I got here, I continued three sessions a day: morning, after work and before bed. My supply was dramatically affected, but he was still getting milk for sure (as evidenced by his attempt to "milk" me one day...much to my horror! Haha).

So my question is two part... When he gets up in the morning he NEVER wakes up happy, immediately cries and completely rejects dad. Once I have nursed him he is right as rain, super happy and asking for Dada. This is similar when we get home after work, he is fine until we step in the door. He immediately gets fussy and starts to almost cry until we nurse. I'm happy to keep nursing for the time being (my second q is related to this point), but am worried about the transition when we wean?

And second, he is such an active nurser, switching from side to side and back again. I am really beginning to wonder if I have no milk left! How would I know?? He often will sign milk after attempting to nurse which makes me really wonder if he gets anything?

Re: Advice?

I think it's pretty common for babies who are nursing less over a year, to flip more. I know I had OALD and ALWAYS block nursed the 1st year. (1 side per feed.) And after the year point he started to flip. You just let him. It's still all supply and demand. The more he flips, and the more letdowns you signal the more milk you make. And its normal and right that your supply took a hit. You only nurse 3 times a day now. You only need that much milk.
But it sounds like it's still really really important to your baby. And at 15 months I would honor that. It sounds like the morning bonding and evening reconnect is really important to him. As far as the transition when you wean, I think we cross that bridge when we get there. But I know for me it was very very gradual. Like we got down to 2 a day and then we gave up the last one by my DH taking over the bedtime. But at that point my child has language. I would never have dreamed of taking it away from him before he could understand. Ya know? It was this HUGE important thing in his life. People would never dream of taking a favorite blanket or toy away from a child without explanation. And those are love transference objects! So IMO being able to communicate with your child about weaning is really important.

Re: Advice?

All the behavior you're seeing is totally normal. Some kids wake up smiley and happy, others wake up cranky and needy. My first was like that- I always knew she was awake because she would immediately start crying. She's 7 now and still hates getting up in the morning!

It's totally normal for a toddler to sometimes want nothing to do with one parent or the other. They often switch back and forth- first mommy is the favorite, then it's daddy for a while, then it's mommy again... If the toddler is nursing, then nursing is going to be part of that preference, particularly during transitions from sleeping to waking or from being in daycare to being at home. Unless you plan on weaning really soon, there's no reason to worry about what weaning will mean for those transitions in the future. Your child will eventually and gradually reduce his reliance on nursing to get him through transition points. Roll with it for now, and it will fade away.

Re: Advice?

I think your baby is telling you what he needs pretty clearly with his behavior. He needs his nursies in the morning (this is often the last nursing session to "go' when a child completely weans) and to reconnect with you after a long day apart. He likes to switch sides a lot in order to get enough milk and keep your milk production in as good a shape as possible. Nursing three times a day is fairly infrequent, so each nursing session is going to be pretty important until, well, until it no longer is! This weaning timetable is very individual for each child as the child moves toward complete weaning.

If you are concerned about your milk production, the simplest solution would be to add a couple more nursing sessions into your day, or let your child nurse more on weekends/non work days. (If you like! I am not sure why you moved to three sessions, if three sessions is what you want to be doing at this point, of course that is up to you!)

Psychologically, emotionally, and PHYSICALLY, babies and young children need momma more. This is just biological fact. It is true of most other mammals and it is true of us. We don’t like to talk about it, I guess it is politically incorrect, because we like to see everything as shared. Work for pay is shared, housework is shared, and parenting is shared. OK, fine, in theory. But biologically, a young child simply needs a mother more. Your child does not know or care about how mom and dad share the family load financially or otherwise-He just knows what he needs. He does not get it that both mom and dad have been away from him all day and miss him. He sees mom and is compelled to connect with mom the best and fastest way he knows how. Your child is entirely normal in showing a need for you (and a need for nursing when he sees you) that is more intense and urgent at those moments than what he needs from dad. This is not about love, he loves and adores you both deeply of course, and he needs both of you to love and adore him! The need for mom is about something else. It is a deep biological impulse that is about survival. And is normal.

Re: Advice?

Thanks for the feedback! @lllmeg, as mentioned, I cut down to 3 times because I was back at work. It's not feasible for me to see him during the day, so three was the most I could jam in! On the weekends I do nurse more on demand, he is very communicative and will ask to nurse and I never refuse.

Thanks for all the reassurance. I have no plans to wean at this point, but admittedly have been finding the acrobatics a bit much lately! He has always been a crazy active nurser though, so I guess I should have expected as much!

Re: Advice?

Originally Posted by @llli*newmama19

Hello!

My LO is 15 months, and we nursed pretty much on demand until I went back to work 3 months ago. At that point, based on some great advice I got here, I continued three sessions a day: morning, after work and before bed. My supply was dramatically affected, but he was still getting milk for sure (as evidenced by his attempt to "milk" me one day...much to my horror! Haha).

So my question is two part... When he gets up in the morning he NEVER wakes up happy, immediately cries and completely rejects dad. Once I have nursed him he is right as rain, super happy and asking for Dada. This is similar when we get home after work, he is fine until we step in the door. He immediately gets fussy and starts to almost cry until we nurse. I'm happy to keep nursing for the time being (my second q is related to this point), but am worried about the transition when we wean?

And second, he is such an active nurser, switching from side to side and back again. I am really beginning to wonder if I have no milk left! How would I know?? He often will sign milk after attempting to nurse which makes me really wonder if he gets anything?

Your input and advice is appreciated!!

Thank you

I have a 13 month old and I work also and recently stopped pumping while at work and noticed the same drop in my supply. I also worry that she might not be getting anything, so I was reassured a little the other day when she was nursing and suddenly had to sneeze and milk came spraying out of her mouth. LOL. I am sure she's not getting as MUCH as she used to, but she is eating a varied and balanced diet and has plenty of access to cow's milk and water throughout the day, so I try to remind myself that she is getting what she needs nutrition-wise, and she can nurse all she wants when we're together.

For what it's worth, my baby also switches sides ALL the time now. I think this is normal. If it is annoying me then I will nurse her in a rocking chair because for whatever reason that seems to settle her down. Mine also sometimes signs for milk after she's just nursed. I don't know why, but I don't think it is because she didn't get any milk. Sometimes it's because she wants more milk, but sometimes, I've offered to nurse her again at that point and she has refused. So I just interpret it as her saying "we were nursing!". Maybe she's saying thank you?

Re: Advice?

Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom

I think it's pretty common for babies who are nursing less over a year, to flip more. I know I had OALD and ALWAYS block nursed the 1st year. (1 side per feed.) And after the year point he started to flip.

This exactly describes me, as well. My baby is also 15 months old. And yes, she also definitely wants to nurse the minute she wakes up and the minute I walk in the door after work. I totally agree with the concept that this is your baby reconnecting with you, and the comfort, joy and happiness he associates with the breast!

Re: Advice?

My DD was just the same, cried in the morning before nursies and as soon as she would see me when she/I got home (DH would pick her up from daycare). I never wanted to deny her the reconnect after a long day of school/work. She would be so impatient that sometimes she would almost throw a fit if I didn't sit down and nurse her immediately. However, at 22 months, she is now at the point where she doesn't even ask for it immediately and we sometimes skip that session altogether. I thought it would never happen, but it's a slow and gradual process. There are some times when she kind of "regresses" like when her teeth are bothering her or something is changing in her life, but mostly she needs it less and less. What a difference even 6 months make.