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12.16.2013

Looks and Lies

Yes, this is a very general statement, but sadly, in today’s culture, it is also very true. And the reason for it, all boils down to one main factor. Idolatry. In what? In the world’s definition of ‘perfect’. We want to feel secure. But according to its standards, we don’t match up to the ‘perfect body’, ‘perfect personality’, or ‘perfect person’. So therefore, we try to be something we’re not. Something God didn’t create us to be.

(Please note that this is just a general overlook of society which I have personally witnessed. I am not addressing anyone in particular and I know that each and every one of us are different. This isn’t pertaining to any one situation.)

We all have that empty, lonely, and insecure feeling that we long to fill. We look for something or someone to fill that void, to satisfy us, to tell us that we’re amazing and beautiful and perfect. I believe that both guys and girls tend to fall in love with looks, and while I think that physical attraction does play a huge part in the first steps towards romance, it shouldn’t be the main priority. Guys tend to be more visual, yes, but girls talk about physical attractiveness in men more than guys do about women. (And, at least to me, that is a fact.)

Guys are generally willing to overlook certain character flaws in a girl more readily than girls do with guys. Therefore, girls aren’t as concerned with inner beauty as they are with external. If you ask anyone, they’ll say that girls are more self-conscious about their looks than guys are. We feel the need to focus on beautifying ourselves because the world has poisoned our minds to think that a guy won’t like us unless we’re a Victoria’s Secret model.

But girls aren’t the only ones who feel pressure to ‘look good’. Movies, magazines, etc. aren’t only targeting women. And more than external, guys are filled with the shame and insecurity because of their character flaws and past mistakes (which they are too often reminded of). And of course, it doesn’t help when girls are constantly talking about their latest celebrity crush and who was named the Sexiest Guy of 2013 (and no, it’s not horrible that I know who that is).

When we like someone, and want them to like us back, we’ll get all fancied up and lie about who we are (and even sometimes lie to ourselves) because we’re afraid that a he/she won’t like our real self. And that’s where honesty has become such a rare thing to find in someone. Because, according to the world’s standards, it’s better to be loved for who we aren’t, than brushed aside for who we are. But true love isn’t about outward appearance. It’s about inner beauty - both in men and women. To fall in love with someone is to fall in love with their soul, the core being of who they are, the little things that make up the great big picture of what makes that person so unique.

The reason girls and guys lie to each other about who they are may change on a case to case basis, but the main underlying reason (problem) remains: they rarely have the security in their own selves so they seek another person to put it there, not know that everyone else is lacking in the same exact security. And we use whatever it takes to fill that void.

Both genders struggle with the same issues, but just in different ways.

The truth of the matter is, we can’t find that fulfillment and security in someone else. We can’t even find it in ourselves. Scripture clearly teaches that the heart of man is ‘deceitful above all things and desperately wicked’ (Jeremiah 17:9), so how could we try to bring joy to ourselves? It’s literally impossible to find that joy and satisfaction in anyone else, except Jesus Christ. He is the ONLY One who possesses the power to make one person whole and complete. Not just a ‘feeling’, but an actual, renewed self. And the reason is because He gave us that certain feeling of emptiness to continually draw us back to Him. He created us for fellowship with Him! Not just ‘some guy’ or ‘some girl’. And until you find that satisfaction in Him, I promise you won’t have complete joy and peace in life. Because without Him, there is none. Your man will never satisfy you the way you were meant to be satisfied. Your girl can never show you what your worth is, like God can. You’ll never feel secure until you know you’re held by Jesus’ own hands. Only He can show you your value and worth because He made you...and without Him, you aren’t worth much. The only way someone could help you is by pointing you towards Him and the prize of His upward calling.

A girl doesn’t need a guy to tell her she’s beautiful. A guy doesn’t need a girl to make him confident in who he is. We can only find it in God. Our value, our worth, our strength, hope, love, joy, comfort - everything! In the One who created it.

And besides, a true man or woman will fall in love with your soul before falling in love with your body. And if they don’t, then they’re not worth your time.

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‘I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are Your works, O LORD, and this my soul knows very well.’

Thank you so much for addressing the fact that girls are attracted to physical appearance. And I think that we do so more than boys. Agree with you there. It's refreshing to read a different take on this whole thing and not see another 'boys look at the physical and girls the emotional.' We need to be very careful about using those stereotypes, and you have addressed it in a very graceful and gentle way without being offensive :) Thanks!