How to Survive in the Modern Day Workplace

Turkey Carving Put On Hold To Check Work Email

Santa Fe, NM – Percy Norton was forced to place turkey-carving duties on hold indefinitely after receiving a work email from his company’s CEO, immediately tossing the tongs and knives into the adjacent gravy dish so that he could respond as quickly as possible to the iPhone notification. The 44-year old specifications writer for textbook publisher Glossario has grown accustomed to always prioritizing any work-related communications over his family, health, and almost all traffic laws, and holidays are no exception.

Family members were not only unsurprised by the interruption, they were expecting it. Norton’s wife, Elena, didn’t realize that a specifications writer for college textbooks would be responsible for so many make-or-break decisions that required immediate action, but her husband has been more than willing to explain it to her multiple times, such as when he had to take a phone call during their wedding.

“It’s not ideal for the family, but it’s what we’ve all signed up for,” said Elena Norton. “It’s like Percy always says: you can take the specifications writer out of the office, but you can’t predict what sort of worldwide catastrophe could unfold if a single email isn’t read immediately.”

Executives at Glossario are quick to point out that their off-hours email policy does not require the level of sacrifice and commitment that Norton has preached to his family and the occasional law enforcement officer after being pulled over.

“As much as we appreciate Percy’s dedication, we have repeatedly encouraged him to spend more time and energy focusing on his family outside of work,” said Glossario CEO Maureen Norton. “If one of his doomsday scenarios ever actually came true – like terrorists taking us hostage, or the President needing the specifications for an introductory-level biology course – Percy is not the first person I would call.

“For God’s sake, I was just sending a company-wide email saying Happy Thanksgiving.”