Blind dates, online dating can lead to lasting relationships for Hudson Valley residents

Joyce Beymer Allenby and Leighton Allenby, who met in October of 2009 and were married a year later.
Photo provided

KINGSTON >> Bernadette Rode once went on a blind date. The minute he opened his mouth, she knew it was time to make her escape.

“So I asked if he wanted popcorn,” she recently wrote on Facebook in response to a query about blind-date stories.

The popcorn plan didn’t work, so she quickly devised another one.

“I told him I had to go to the ladies’ room and ran to my car and left him there stranded,” said Rodes, a West Hurley resident who now is happily married.

Advertisement

Naturally, there are tons of similar stories out there about looking for love and hooking up with a total stranger in the hopes of finding it.

Truth is, it often doesn’t work. For two area women, however, it was quite a different outcome.

It was 1997 when Cicily Wilson was trying to move on after a bad breakup. In fact, she resolved to “never date again.”

Wilson was working in New York City at the Elie Wiesel Foundation for Humanity when a friend suggested that she date an acquaintance who looked like a cross between actors James Dean and Patrick Swayze.

“She just said, ‘Why don’t you go on one date? Remember, you don’t have to marry this guy,’” Wilson said.

After a fair amount of coaxing, she decided to give it a whirl and met Greg Speller at a Mexican restaurant on the Upper West Side of Manhattan in the spring of 1997.

“He wasn’t exactly James Dean. It was more like a Kurt Russell-Patrick Swayze mix. I thought he was very attractive,” she said of the 31-year-old man who showed up in a tweed jacket and jeans.

For his part, Speller was equally spellbound.

“I thought she was really attractive, and she seemed really nice. We sort of hit it off right away,” he said.

After sharing a nacho platter, the two took a walk around the city and talked about things like music.

The 25-year-old Wilson, who was dressed in a blazer, black pants and trouser socks, had a momentary fashion faux pas that, to this day, still charms Speller.

“Her socks kept falling, and she’d keep pulling them back up. It was very endearing,” he said.

Such are the memories of that blind date on May 9, 1997, which turned out to be, according to the couple, fate.

“I think it was like an ‘Ah-ha’ kind-of-thing,” Wilson recalled. “He was a very interesting, attractive person, but love at first sight? I’m not sure I believe in it. We were connected in some way … and were meant to be together in some way.”

Turns out it would be in a permanent fashion. The couple got engaged two years after the first date.

In a creative moment at a Manhattan club, he handed her a box of Cracker Jack in which there was a prize — an engagement ring. A year later, they were married at St. Mary’s Gate of Heaven Roman Catholic Church in Queens. Today, they are raising two boys, Jackson, 12, and Wilson, 7, in their home that straddles the city of Kingston and town of Ulster line.

“Sometimes, it (blind dating) can be a disaster, but, sometimes, you’ve just got to try it out,” Wilson said. “I had a disastrous relationship in the past, and I found that guy myself, so I needed some outside help.”

Speller said he’s also glad he agreed to meet a woman he knew few details about.

“I dated a lot of different women, and nothing was really right,” he said. “I was pretty lonely at the time, so I wanted to take a chance. It was just the right time.”

The same was true for Rhinebeck resident Joyce Beymer Allenby. She was single for 20 years after her first marriage ended and was raising a son while building her business.

Along came Match.com with several eligible bachelors up for grabs.

Being the level-headed businesswoman that she was, Beymer Allenby decided to treat the whole dating game with systematic care and caution.

“The key is to know what you’re looking for,” she said. “It’s like looking for a job. You need to get your resume in order and apply for the right job, which means you need to know what you want.”

Beymer Allenby knew precisely what she was looking for before she agreed to meet Leighton Allenby.

As she sat in her Saab convertible waiting for him in the parking lot outside Mercato’s restaurant in Red Hook on Oct. 19, 2009, she was instantly impressed when he pulled up in his pickup truck.

From the start, it was easy and not at all awkward, she said. Both had reached a point in life where they knew who they were and each had achieved success.

She owns Joyce Beymer Real Estate, while Allenby, who is from Cape Cod, Mass., is an estate manager for multiple properties.

How they found each other really is like the analogy of building a successful enterprise.

“I was careful,” Beymer Allenby said. “Whoever I wanted to meet, it usually began with a wink, followed by an email, and, if that went well, there was a phone conversation. Every contact I made, I printed the profile, and during the conversation, I took notes.

“This was a working file like you have with any business, and, if it went past that vetting process and you actually met them, I had rules,” Beymer Allenby said. “I met during the day or early in the evening in a public place of my choosing. If it was a restaurant, I always let the waitress know I was meeting someone I didn’t know. It made me feel safer. It made me feel like I had a little bit of control.”

Beymer Allenby said, for the most part, her dates were “lovely encounters,” but for those she didn’t click with, she found the strength to say, “Thank you very much. I don’t think we’re a good match.”

Back to that first date in the parking lot at Mercato’s.

The two took off in her car to get coffee and chat. From there, it proceeded to Poet’s Walk and a drive to the Dutchess County mansions for further conversation. Before they knew it, the dinner hour had arrived, so they went back to Mercato’s for a cocktail and meal.

Eleven hours later, the date ended with two very happy adults parting ways. Four months later — on Valentine’s Day — they were engaged. The couple has been married since October of 2010 and, like Wilson and Speller, regard their second time around as fate.

“There’s something really wonderful about forming a union when you’re older and you know who you are,” Beymer Allenby said.

“Our life together has been amazing,” Beymer Allenby said. “We’ve moved four times, renovated two houses and are constantly on the move. We entertain a lot, travel and have a nice social circle, and all my friends adore him.”

Her advice to others on the Internet dating scene is to proceed with caution and approach everything truthfully. “Women, be honest, be ethical and use a current picture. If he agrees to meet you and an entirely different person walks in, that’s not a good start,” she said.

“Trust that if you are searching ethically...you will eventually come across somebody that you would not have otherwise met.”

About the Author

Paula Ann Mitchell has been a multimedia journalist at the Freeman since March of 2010. She has an extensive background in television, radio, newspapers and magazines. Reach the author at pmitchell@freemanonline.com
or follow Paula Ann on Twitter: @anchoratfreeman.