Wire Tapped: Inside L.A. Kings GM Dean Lombardi’s Recent Phone Calls

Starting this summer, Dean Lombardi has attempted to address the most glaring need in the Los Angeles Kings’ depth chart: 1st line left-winger.

These attempts can only be described in one way: one failure after another. Behold:

Ilya Kovalchuk (signed with Devils)

Scott Parse (injury)

Andrei Loktionov (still too young and a natural center)

Brad Richardson (more accurately fills role of energy player)

Wayne Simmonds (always works temporarily, but nothing more)

Dwight King (who the? young prospect was nothing more than a prayer)

So it was back to the drawing board.

Terry Murray will have to make do with what he has: 5 top six forwards, and 7 bottom six forwards. Makes sense, right? This is what led to Trevor Lewis skating on the second line with Jarret Stoll and Ryan Smyth. He performed admirably, but does not currently possess the skillset needed to be a top 6 forward in the NHL.

This situation calls for the NHL GM hot-line. Since none of the players in the Kings’ system could adequately fit in on Kopitar’s left side, it’s time once again for Deano to get on the horn and see what could be available elsewhere in the league.

Thanks to my undercover job as the night janitor at Toyota Sports Center, the Kings training facility and front office headquarters, I have bugged Dean Lombardi’s office phone. Here now, are the transcripts of his most recent conversations:

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2010

DL: Hey GM, it’s DL.

George McPhee: Haha, yes, my initials are GM, I get it. What can I do for you, Dean?

DL: I hear you might have a winger for sale?

George McPhee: I am open to discussing offers for Tomas Fleischmann, yes.

DL: That’s not the one I was referring to..

George McPhee: He’s all I’m considering moving at the moment.

DL: Come on! You are totally bogarting all the Russian Alexes!

George McPhee: Not true. You had one for awhile and let him go.

DL: Yeah, I don’t think he was really Russian. More like SLOWin, ha-ha!

George McPhee: Ugh. You interested in Fleischmann or not?

DL: You better believe it. I can offer the following: a photo John Stevens took of Chris Pronger in a speedo, and a 6th round draft pick in 2017. Think it over, I know you’ll make the right decision.

George McPhee: .

DL: I can tell you’re speechless. I’ll give you some time to think about it. (hangs up the phone) Got ‘im by the balls. THURSDAY, DEC 2

Peter Chiarelli: Oh, yeah. I mean can’t people just stay injured? What’s the deal with that?

DL: I hear ya bud. So anyway, I hate to bring this up, but you did pretty much steal Chara right out from under me back in ’06. I would be willing to completely forgive you if you considered dealing me Phil Kessel.

Peter Chiarelli: Stole?! And I already made that trade last year!

DL: I know but you must have some dirt or something on Burkie right? Couldn’t you just get Kessel back if you wanted to?

Peter Chiarelli: No way man, that trade was straight up legit. Listen Dean, I like you, so I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I am going to need to move some salary. Know what I mean?

DL: Yes, I think I do.

Peter Chiarelli: So I could be talked into sending someone your way. Preferably someone who hasn’t been able to play yet this year so that I don’t have to adjust my roster.

DL: Nope, blah blah can’t hear you. No deal. I’m just going to wait this one out. The Sutt-Dog is bound to pick up the phone any day now. Plus I’ve got a ton of guys in the system that can fill in. Up next: The Oscar Moller Experiment, Version 3.0.