koch on the mind

Koch Brothers Sue Their Own Crown Jewel Think Tank

The Cato Institute, originally conceived as the Charles Koch Foundation in 1974, is the proud upper-crust luxury hotel for all of DC’s most erudite corporate libertarians, as well as Glenn Greenwald. It is a popular vehicle for right-wing economic ideology to sneak its way into conservative legislation. And it is, of course, one of the many Washington fronts for executing the every whim of cartoon billionaire oil tycoons Charles and David Koch, who have decided that they don’t have quite enough control over it and are thus suing Cato, Cato’s president, and a widow for her dead husband’s 25% ownership stake. The “Battle for Cato” is underway! You each have 100 erections over this, don’t you?

Cato had four shareholders — Charles Koch, David Koch, President Ed Crane, and chairman emeritus William A. Niskanen — until Niskanen died last year. Crane thinks Niskanen’s 25 percent share should go to Niskanen’s widow. Charles and David Koch think there should no longer be a fourth share, because then they would control two of three remaining shares. From MIKE ALLEN at THE POLITICO:

Koch officials tell POLITICO that the brothers think the shareholder agreement is clear that there should now only be three shareholders, while Crane thinks Niskanen’s 25-percent control should go to his widow, Kathryn Washburn.

“We’ve proposed a stand-still agreement and third-party mediation,” said Wes Edwards, deputy general counsel of Koch Companies Public Sector LLC. “We feel that we’ve been refused. … We haven’t alleged any wrongdoing or sought any damages. This is not about money. We view this as a matter of shareholder rights.”

Spare the legal poop. What’s really going on here, Cato staffers? We know that Wonkette is the #1 most favorite publication/warblog among Cato staffers, so surely you’d all like to write in to jim@wonkette.com to tell us the secret true story behind this power struggle, yes? And no, we don’t mean you, Cato PR person. You should never write us.

Charles G. Koch has filed a lawsuit as part of an effort to gain control of the Cato Institute, which he co-founded with me in 1977. While Mr. Koch and entities controlled by him have supported the Cato Institute financially since that time, Mr. Koch and his affiliates have exercised no significant influence over the direction or management of the Cato Institute, or the work done here.

Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.

Mr. Koch’s actions in Kansas court yesterday represent an effort by him to transform Cato from an independent, nonpartisan research organization into a political entity that might better support his partisan agenda. We view Mr. Koch’s actions as an attempt at a hostile takeover, and intend to fight it vehemently in order to continue as an independent research organization, advocating for Individual liberty, limited government, free markets and peace.

Update II: Here’s a response statement from Charles Koch!

We support Cato and its work. We are not acting in a partisan manner, we seek no “takeover,” and this is not a hostile action. All we seek is adherence to the shareholders’ agreement, which was agreed to by each of the shareholders. We want to ensure that Cato stays true to its fundamental principles of individual liberty, free markets, and peace into the future, and that it not be subject to the personal preferences of individual officers or directors.

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

That's a different Cato. The institute is named after Inspector Clouseau's butler.

LesBontemps

No no, I think it was OJ Simpson's house guest.

flamingpdog

All of them, Cato.

Nothingisamiss

+ many many thumbs.

tessiee

Most awesome quote from that guy:
Judge: So, you had no agenda living in Mr. Simpson's house?
Cato: What do you mean?
Judge: I suppose it never crossed your mind that he could help your acting career?
Cato: Well, it's not like we were auditioning for the same parts or anything.

Correct. Bruce Lee played both Kato from the Green Hornet and Pink Panther. It also means, "beautiful, artistic person or caretaker" in Japanese. Additionally, it is the name of my dobe pup. Here's hoping that you have a safe and pleasant journey and that whatever issue needing your attention is resolved in a swift and positive manner. Come back to us soon. You will be missed.

Generation[redacted]

"Hello, Cato? I'm very tired and do not wish to be attacked today."

SorosBot

Hee. But the Cato it's named after is actually a right-wing dipshit Roman politician who did everything he could to try to block Julius Caesar's reforms to help the poor and, among other things, invented the filibuster, so we're still paying for that ass' actions today.

He's a perfect person for the Randroid Kochs to name their institute after.

Chichikovovich

Thanx – I had never been sure whether that gaggle of hacks was named after Cato the Elder or Cato the Younger. From what you say here I'm taking it that it was the Younger.

Which has a potential upside – if the Koch brothers lose their Cato lawsuit, perhaps they will tear out their own entrails.

SorosBot

Yep, the younger; and I for one would love to see the Koch brothers force one of their enemies to read a personal letter aloud in the Senate, thinking it would damn them, only to find that it was actually a love letter from their own married sister.

OhNoGuy

"if the Koch brothers lose their Cato lawsuit, perhaps they will tear out their own entrails"
do you know where I can get a ticket?

Left-leaning? She probably used birth control at some time in her life so she is, expo facto, voila, indisputably, a whore. And therefore a liberal, also, too. And if she doesn't bend to the will of these oligarchs, who by merely drawing a breath are worth 400 of any working-class men, she needs to be schooled.

But in the meantime, is there no CONTRACT to cover what would happen to this esteemed and valued … I don't know what to call it, so let's go with Jim's term "vehicle" … if one of the partners passed away? How many lawyers do you suppose these rich men have on retainer? Do they really think they're never going to die? Somebody needs to call Legal Zoom.

Biel_ze_Bubba

Because corporations are people, it's perfectly reasonable that a 25% share could die.

EatsBabyDingos

The Koch Brothers-Screwing widows and orphans since 1974.

BigRadio

Just wait until they sue for their share of the Breitbart Media Empire.
Too Soon? hahahahahahahahaha

With $25 billion or so in their pockets, these guys are to Mitt Romney what Romney is to most of us. I believe them when they say this is not about money.

It's about CONTROL.

Lucidamente1

I got your tort reform right here, Koch brothers.

Native_of_SL_UT

Well at least they fuck their friends over too and not just the rest of us.

OhNoGuy

Pal, they don't have friends. And only idiots forget that.

Negropolis

There is no honor among thieves.

YasserArraFeck

Absolutely. When they fuck people over, it's not personal. It's simply their nature. Like scorpions.

Guppy

"You each have 100 erections over this, don’t you? "

I know Zombie Ayn Rand does!

OhNoGuy

I'd heard she was good and stiff.

YasserArraFeck

"if you experience rigor mortis lasting longer than 4 hours……."

cheetojeebus

It's like the amazing race! You each have 100 erections, you now have to fuck these 300 Orly taitzs, taints? (what the hell is the plural form?) then pick up your travel documents to Hell under that rock over there.

Guppy

Wait, let me check to make sure if I'm first with this…

Nope, nobody seems to have posted this yet:

KOCH FIGHT!

BigRadio

It's illegal in most states.

Biel_ze_Bubba

But fun to bet on. What's the Vegas line on this one?

YasserArraFeck

It's like the old "I promise I won't come in your mouth" routine. Once Koch is involved, all prior agreements go right out the window.

Veritas78

Why would such a "promise" ever be sought? Sounds more like a threat to me.

YasserArraFeck

She could be a vegan

C_R_Eature

Lawyers! Big fradycats. Woooaahh…get upset, go and run for a Lawyer! Big Galtian Supermen, Eh?
Real Men would settle this by formal Duel. Just ask Zell Miller.

It's actually quite good–watched it with Kid Zoom just a few months back. Spielberg's first feature-length effort (though made for TV), and very tightly put together; of course it has shades of Speilbergian excess already, like the heavy-handed allegories–Weaver's character is named "David Mann," though maybe the blame for that one goes to screenwrited Richard Matheson… And what does our plucky every-Mann drive? A Plymouth Valiant, of course… It's almost like the movie was designed as an exercise for Analysis-By-Numbers class. And yet, it's one satisfying, tautly-constructed little adventure that in some ways impressed me as much last fall as it did when it aired on TV when I was…oh, god, ten years old?

BarackMyWorld

NBC's Nightly News is actually reporting on Limbaugh's saying women who get birth control are being paid to have sex, but left out the part where he actually called the woman from Georgetown who testified a prostitute and a "slut." LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS!!!!

Generation[redacted]

Sure, why not? After all, men who have cholesterol screenings are getting paid to eat bacon. Mmmmmm… bacon.

SorosBot

I've bought condoms before; does that make me a slut and a male prostitute?

…oh wait, I forgot it's a double standard; as a man I can enjoy sex all I want, it's only women who are sluts and should be shamed.

ShaveTheWhales

Well, it's possible you're still a slut. I know I was when I was your (presumed) age.

Uh, the woman who needed those pills, who is a friend of Ms. Fluke, who is being attacked by Limbaugh, is a *lesbian.* She needed those pills for strictly *medical* reasons having nothing to do with contraception.

How's them apples?

BarackMyWorld

I was coming back to fix my comment but you beat me to the correction.

It's ok, you were right to point that out, Can't say it too many times,

OT, but funny….. Hubby was in the break room at work where some women were discussing the whole contraceptive thing. One mousy little woman actually said, "Now Obama is trying to take our birth control." Completely silenced the room.

Finally one of the women said, "Are you really that stupid"? Apparently so, because after it was explained to her she replied that her husband told her how to vote and he would never take her birth control.

If that makes her a slut, what about the old dudes (and increasingly obese young dudes who can't get it up) who'd be livid if their boner pills were taken away? Their sluts too, right?

Doktor Zoom

For what it's worth, within ten minutes of my arrival at the office this morning, one of my coworkers announced that Limbaugh's comments had made her so angry she could punch something. Somehow, though, she was unaware of his mid-1980's proclamation that “Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream.” She was surprised to discover that, yes, she actually could despise him just a little further.

James Michael Curley

These two pant loads can't create a simple partnership which survives the death of a partner (with tax free transfers) and they want to advise us how to run the US Government and Economy.

NewtsChicknNeck

why simplify something that we can complicate the shit out of and ultimately alienate one another over?

redarmyzombie

Yeah, sure. "Advise us" is exactly what they want…

YasserArraFeck

In the same way that Southern gemm'in would "advise" their field niggers on the finer points of cotton growing…….

Schmannnity

It's not frivolous litigation when Republicans do it.

Generation[redacted]

Five hundred quatloos on the fat disgusting pile of excrement!

Fare la Volpe

Which?

Rotundo_

All of them Katie…

Nothingisamiss

You'll have to be more specific.

SayItWithWookies

Like, how much could share possibly be worth of an institution that answers every question with "the government should stay out of everything?" Because I'll do it for half what you're paying those sock puppets now.

Crank_Tango

For some reason "sock puppets" made me think of crusty, jizz-filled socks.

Two Kochs and a Crane walk into a bar…
…dammit, there's a joke in there *somewhere*…

OhNoGuy

Somebody says "there's dead trout in the cesspool with a quarter in it's mouth" . The crane jumps in to get the trout and the Koch brothers jump in and fight over the quarter.
Best I can do on short notice.

Steverino247

100 erections? A fella could have a pretty good time in Dallas with all that.

Crane: I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you.
Anakin Skywalker: I should have known the Randians were plotting to take over. Chancellor Koch has showed me the true ways of Libertarianism.
Crane: Anakin, Chairman Koch is evil! The Kochs are evil. The Dark Side of Libertarianism is an evil presence.
Anakin Skywalker: From my point of view, it is the Randians who are evil.
Crane: Well, then you really are lost!
Anakin Skywalker: [summons his lawyers] This is the end for you… my former master.

To be fair, a Nuclear Powered Pan-Sexual Roto Plooker looks an awful lot like a bomb on an x-ray.

Doktor Zoom

Or a Telefunken U-47

(Look, you said it KNOWING I'd reply, and I read it knowing you knew…Should we start seeing other memes?)

C_R_Eature

Yes, yes, I know. I try to spread the Zappa references out, so as not to become Boring…but there's so many that are applicable these days, it's just irresistible.
Besides, there's children out there that Have no Zappa. We must do something.

And here's the part of the post where I say "With Leather?"

DCBloom

Crew slut!

C_R_Eature

It's a Way of Life.

annettaj

The fourth wife wants to bypass the lawyers, huh?

Dashboard Buddha

A quadruple lawyer bypass? Sounds risky.

Generation[redacted]

Aw, the comments on that site are just… special.

redarmyzombie

Dare I even look…

YasserArraFeck

They're fucking hilarious. Things I learned:
"PTL" = "Praise The Lord" (and not "Penis is This Long").
And, a choice gem:
"Hitler was a leftist, you know a national socialist. Leftists are the source of all tyranny. Fascism, strong central government in bed with large corporations and unions. You know, Democrats. You folks really need to study history a little bit."

You can't make this shit up.

not that Dewey

Did he explode?

YasserArraFeck

This just in – gigantic tsunami of grease and bile heading fast across the Atlantic!!!!

Don't miss the Mr. Grease and The Bile Show, weekdays at 6 am here on 770AM The Kob.

not that Dewey

They have the best midget lesbian drive-time wackiness.

[slide whistle]

user-of-owls

Their phone pranks are even better! My favorite was when they tricked that elementary school teacher into telling the little girl her mother was dead! That was hysterical!

not that Dewey

During his June 8th, 2011 appearance, Andrew Breitbart showed Mr Grease and The Bile a picture of Anthony Weiner's erect penis. A listener forwarded them a screenshot captured from their live Paltalk video feed, and Mr Grease posted it on Twitter. Andrew Breitbart was very upset at what transpired. [50] Mr Grease had also taken a picture of the photo during the showing without the knowledge of Breitbart.

Biff

He just wanted to be surrounded by bad-ass cops, in case Obama's henchmen come for him like they did Brightfart.

Dashboard Buddha

Ah Ruch? kinda sucks when you act like such an asshole and everyone knows your address, right?

subsum

"In Palm Beach, people tend to be very cautious. The same thing that would go in another municipality and everyone would say 'Oh look, we got something in the mail.' Here people are cautious,"

Yeah, you fucking douchebags. You know the proles are gonna get ya first…

Doktor Zoom

"Some type of a plaque that was electronic in nature. Something to do with the assassination of President Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth," Palm Beach Police Department Spokesperson Fred Hess said.

….Police were able to contact the sender who then apologized for sending something that could be construed as being dangerous.

"Something about selling this product. Apparently it was a sample sent, according to the sender, to Mr. Limbaugh saying 'Here's an opportunity and maybe we can market something like this, ' " Hess said.

Yeah, because there's always a market for "Sic Semper Tyrannis" merch, especially when the president is Near.

He probably called them himself because he was sad about Breitbart getting too much press. Or he was simply drugged out again.

Negropolis

False alarm. Turns out it was just an especially violent fart.

V572 Flambé

Used to stumble across Cato Institute general headquarters while lost trying to find my way into DC from College Park on New York Avenue. I'd always think, "What is this high-powered right-wing tank doing in such a questionable NE neighborhood?"

Angry_Marmot

"What is this high-powered right-wing tank doing in such a questionable NE neighborhood?"

This is the most insidery of inside baseball. 1%-on-1% violence. I really do wish I cared.

C_R_Eature

I just do not understand why the Koch's don't take a third of the treasure they dumped on the bloated, complacent Cato Institute and open an outsourced shop in India.
They'd get a far better work product. Faster and (it goes without saying) Cheaper, also.

Uh … you saw what Rich Guys did to the fucking economy over the past eight years when their complacent asspuppet was in charge? HUH? DIDJU?

Because that should put that fucking piece of "common wisdom" myth to rest immediatement, dood, if not before. Holy quacking DUCKshit, man. They broke EVAHthing.

C_R_Eature

RQDDD (Rhetorical Question, Deliberately Dumbed Down).

These two jokers never created any wealth in their lives, they both were squirted out of the womb into baskets full of bank notes and stock options that their daddy made by making oil deals with the Commies.

The Masters of the Universe on Wall Street made baskets upon shitloads upon shipping containers full of money so it's all working according to plan. Global economic collapse? Pfffft! Who cares what happens outside the Gated Community , the Limo and the Lear? Cue the inflight movie and get me a Scotch, Jeeves!

Isyaignert

"cartoon billionaire oil tycoons Charles and David Koch…: so true, so true. These fukkers remind me of the evil Duke brothers in "Trading Places," the best Christmas movie ever made IMHO. So fun to watch them eat themselves. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Sorry to go OT again, kids, but I need to give a bigass correction to a different OT anecdote I posted yesterday in the "Santorum and the Women who signed the Declaration of Independence" thread. I'd told about a dad who, at my office, muttered to a social worker that his daughter's school "hadn't been teaching anything except Black History Month…goldurn coon schools." The social worker, an intern, and I all heard this.

Only it turns out we were dead wrong. What he'd actually said, as the social worker found out when he called the dad back Wednesday night, was that the girl's school "hadn't taught anything about Black History Month" and the final complaint was not about "coon schools"–it was about the town where his daughter goes to school, Kuna (podunk town about 30 miles from Boise). Most people pronounce it "KYOO-na," but I have indeed heard "KOO-na" occasionally. "Kuna schools."

So there you go–three fairly well-educated earwitnesses all thought they heard a racial epithet, when the poor dad was actually complaining about the lack of diversity in his little hick town. (Hell, that "goldurn" even makes more sense now–that was snark!)

My apologies to the dad that I misunderstood, and big, BIG thanks to the social worker for his decision to take the extra step to find out what the guy actually meant.

No, the REAL take-away from this, pardon my cooties, Dok, is — always double-check, and don't assume. Sometimes that mean-looking bitch that you thought rammed your car on purpose is a harried mom with a sick kid; or the guy upstairs who's blasting his music is kinda deaf and doesn't know how loud it is (this one happened to me; I used to get mad and throw things at the ceiling and cuss the poor fucker out). Love everyone around you, most of them are just as fucked as you are, no more and no less. Except Andrew Breitbart. Him, you can cuss out.

Doktor Zoom

I'm pretty sure you made that part about the cooties up.

C_R_Eature

Seriously, what Jukesgrrl said is exactly what I thought when I saw your other "correction" post. It's got that awful ring of truth to it.