Ha ha!

You certainly never know what movie he'll review next!

Saturday, 5 October 2013

Burl reviews The Reptile! (1966)

Ssssssss, it’sssss Burl! Ha ha, yes, it’s Burl here to
review a snake movie – and no, it’s not Ssssssss
or Stanley or Spasms or even Holy Wednesday!
And to tell you the truth, it doesn’t actually have a real snake in it at all,
just a stuffed one and also a snake lady! And it all takes place on the lovely
moors of Cornwall! Ha ha, the picture I’m talking about is of course the Hammer
Films production of The Reptile!

I was recently in Cornwall, or anyway nearby it, but in any
case decidedly on the moors, so I was quite delighted to watch a picture with a
moorish setting! This one starts out just as it should, with a man trudging
across the moors, heading toward a distant manor house! On his arrival he’s
attacked by something with sharp teeth, scaly skin and a pony tail, and the
next thing you know he’s rolling down the stairs and foaming at the mouth!

Well, the man’s brother, Spalding, and his wife, arrive in
the town to take possession of the delightfully wrecked Cornish cottage! Everyone
in town is sort of mean and unfriendly to the couple with the exception of two
worthies: a kindly bartender played by the great Michael Ripper, and a local
madman who declares the region to be cursed, cursed I tell you! Ha ha!

Well, the doomcrying madman soon turns up dead as well, and
the Spaldings and the bartender form an investigative team to get to the bottom
of things! Naturally the lord of the nearby manor (a doctor of theology, not a
mad herpetologist as I’d assumed going in), his gorgeous daughter Anna and
their sinister, vaguely Asiatic manservant have something to do with the
foaming fits and subsequent deaths! And you know what? A snake lady figures into it all as well, ha ha!

The Reptile is not
one of the well-known Hammer movies, but I’ve always liked it! It was shot
back-to-back, and forms a sort of unofficial Cornwall Duology, with Plague of the Zombies, which is another
modest, charming little winner! I count the low ambitions of The Reptile in its credit column
actually! There’s something nice about a picture that just says “Ha ha, here’s
a movie about a pony-tailed snake lady killing people in a little English village circa
eighteen-hundred-and-hulgh-hulgh,” and then following through on that claim to
the letter!

I liked the performances in
this picture! Noel Willman makes a good grumpy Lord of the Manor; Jennifer
Daniel and Ray Barrett make a bland but perfectly serviceable hero couple;
Michael Ripper is always good, and he’s good here; and Jacqueline Pearce,
playing Anna, is not only a solid actor, but, as mentioned, very beautiful too!
Easy on the eyes as they say, ha ha! It’s a little slow here and there, and not
all that much takes place, but if you’re in the mood for it, you’ll have a
grand time at the movies! I’m going to give The
Reptile two and a half smashed sitars!