in the play i’m doing, i use my grandad’s whistle. he was a football coach. these feet took me to work today. i love poking needles into the wig head. makes a crude sound. the brush i got from england, untangles the hair. i posed for evi, we laughed. the mirror cracked.

-Hello, this is Vanity, is Jimmy home?
-Yes, but he’s taking a shower.
-Oh I see. Did he just take out the trash?
-No, that’s sommit he USED to do, now he’s takin’ out ME.

Monday, April 16th, 2007

MMMMMmmmmmm…

Friday, April 13th, 2007

“I cannot count the number of times I’ve tried to sit next to a lesbian in a bar and she’s screamed,
“THIS SEAT IS SAVED!”
“Okay, you win.”
I think they’re territorial about seats because that’s where the pussy goes;
the bar stool is a lesbian pussy platter.”

In other news, over the last few days I have used 3 big bottles of rubbing alcohol, scrubbing everything and anything that came in my path. Germs. Insanity. Dead human cells. Oil. Clean.

I have a midnight show. Is it full moon? the cats are acting psychotic.

It’s 5am and I just found out that Cleopatra
would masturbate using a hollow dildo full of bees.
ZZzbbTZZBZBZtzZZZZTbbttTTzzz!!

Necessity is mother of all invention.

Tuesday, April 10th, 2007

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets.

1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the “fur”niture.
3. I like my pets a lot more than I like you.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.