After having the "best birthday of my life!" at a $5000/night Mexican resort, Britney Spears celebrated her return to America by going Christmas shopping at Walmart. In case you're wondering, the below image depicts what it looks like when Britney Spears goes to Walmart. Girl can't even shop for blue light specials in peace! Nice of that one lady to coordinate wardrobe palettes, though. [TMZ, , images viaBauer-Griffin]

12-year-old Jaden Smith just got his first designated bodyguard. It's the Hollywood Scientologist's version of a bar mitzvah. [P6]

Milli Vanilli's sole surviving star, Fab Morvan is trying to make a comeback (timed to a forthcoming Milli Vanilli movie) and his first task is to prove he can actually sing that one Grammy-winning song he lip synched. But, yikes, he still sucks. Watch the video here. [People]

Katy Perry is changing her name to Katy Brand. She's been using her upscale Criss Angel of a husband's last name informally since the wedding, and is filing to make it legal now. [People]

Kim Kardashian is no longer delighting in Halle Berry's sloppy seconds. She and professional arm candy Gabriel Aubry have split, and she's "not feel[ing] guilty." [People]

Speaking of "finally" marriages: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are marrying this weekend, and the event will feature "a vintage and romantic vibe." Damn, I would have pegged her for a futuristic hatemongering vibe. [Radar]

Here is a quote from a story entitled "Kirsten Dunst Opens Up About Awful Rehab Experience": "On a personal level, I would talk to anybody about [rehab], but not on a public level. If I do that, then the next person feels like they can ask me about it, and the person after that, until everyone then feels entitled to ask me about it, and that's not coming from a good place." So, the polar opposite of "opening up" about rehab, plus a "fuck you, stop asking me that." Good job, team! [Us]