Relationship Help If You Are Waiting for Mr. Right To Show Up

Waiting for Mr. Right? For Him to Show Up, You Need Relationship Help

Waiting in general feels frustrating, but we try to pretend that for Mr Right we can tolerate the waiting. Many women will wait for Mr. Right because, well, he’s Mr. Right!

And Mr. Right might not have introduced himself to your life yet. Or, Mr. Right might be your on again off again boyfriend, who disappears–but you think…”know” he’s Mr. Right.

And so there you are. Waiting.

Waiting for the water to boil.

Waiting for the clothes to be done drying.

Waiting for your guy to call.

Waiting for Mr. Right.

Waiting for love.

Waiting is no fun.

Why do we do it?

Because society…”them”…told us waiting for a guy who you think is Mr. Right is normal…worth it.

“They” didn’t have your best interest in mind.

Or perhaps you have put value to waiting because in the past, things you really wanted you had to wait for.

Waiting for the opening of the movie version of your favorite book, or waiting for tickets to go on sale for your favorite music concert, or waiting in line for Splash Mountain at Disney or the latest IPod release.

However waiting for the unmet Mr. Right, or your disappearing boyfriend/ex-boyfriend to come to you, has a putting your life on hold until that thing is ready to be in the state that you desire…the water has boiled, the clothes are dry, Mr. Right shows up, energy that will never serve you.

Mr. Right isn’t a rock concert event. He’s a guy—off living his life fully.

A woman struggled with just this subject as she waited for the elusive Mr. Right and her decision to go for a big home or stay stuck in a small apartment here at CNN.com.

The truth is you can find many activities to do and feel good doing, instead of wait.

The tea kettle will whistle, the clothes dryer will beep, the phone will ring, Mr. Right will say I’m here and I want only you for the rest of my life.

Mr. Right is no different than water boiling.

He will get your attention when he is ready.

That’s the key, when he is ready.

Not when you want him to be ready; can’t will water to boil before it’s reached the proper temperature.

See, men, whether you think he’s your Mr. Right or not, are not inspired or turned on by a woman waiting for him. Because waiting takes on one of two characteristics:

Waiting as in “When is he going to show up?!!!” Guys interpret that waiting as pressure.

Waiting as in “Wow, she doesn’t really have a life if she’s waiting around for me.” Guys interpret that as desperate.

Either way, your Mr. Right will think that you are Ms. Wrong.

But what you can do instead of wait, is to make sure that you are living your life’s purpose and finding a way to enjoy all that.

Sure it’s understandable that you want a man for a romantic relationship.

You have to be able to enjoy life first without him, because even when you get the man, there will be times he’s away (with good reason) and you can’t just wait for him.

You’ll drive yourself nuts.

There was an interesting health article about the dis-ease one feels when waiting—even on the phone–that can not only feel annoying but creates stress.

I don’t want you to associate stress with romance.

A great guy, a Mr. Right, will want a Miss Right and that means you better be into you first. If you’re into you, he’s into you.

If you drop you to be into him, he views that as recipe for a hook up.

Now if society had not filled your head that you have to put energy into waiting for a guy, you’d be off enjoying your life and letting him come to you.

And that is the Heart Heroine way to do life.

I’m all about you becoming a Heart Heroine…she’s a Goddess who has got it going on.

Your heart-self would never ask you to sit and put your entire being on “wait mode.”

Your heart-self would say break that conditioned urge, go enjoy life, because waiting has never changed anything in the entire world.

Back to the tea kettle…if you sat there, and waited for it to boil, will that act of you waiting change the speed of the water boiling?

You know the answer is no.

You will accept that. You can see you have no power over the water.

The tricky part is not waiting for the guy to want you and be with you.

When you feel longing or desperation or even despair over a guy–that is the time to pull yourself off of that conditioned keep-you-down-in-life response and like ripping a Band Aid off, force yourself to pay attention to you instead of him.

Get out of your head thoughts and into your body and the enjoyment of you and your wonderful life.

The last thing I want a woman to do is be in wait mode over a guy.

You go on with your life activities and find time for play…walks, hikes, new hobby, entertainment, new skill development, etc.

Never wait for a guy. It sends out I am stopping my life for you, I’m needy and hope you’ll pick me energy rays which send a guy running.Tweet this.

Fill your life with what you have to do in life with a big dose of love for yourself because that sends out invisible energy rays to all men that Here’s Ms. Right.

That is a sign of a Heart Heroine. She knows how to rescue her love life and that will attract a Mr. Right.

Excellent article, Christine! I loooooove your style of writing, so honest and also fun. And what you say in this article is so true—of course, I knew the “never wait for a man, go on with your life” mantra before, and the way you explain it really drives the point home. Thank you for the very useful reminder. Keep up the great work!

Thank you for the great article. I find that everything in my relationship goes on brilliantly until the thoughts of “why is he not moving things forward quicker” creep on me. I start obsessing, I start waiting to see when he would give me signs that we are on the right track and I push him away. Once I get out of that mindset then he again starts moving towards me. I have to keep on reminding myself to get out of my head, because it seems like my own thoughts are standing in my way of happiness.

Hi Shahrzad,
You got it!! The more you (we) lean back from a man, the more he will come towards you. Men move at their own time and towards a woman not ready to pounce. You’re doing brilliant. Thanks so much for sharing.
Best,
Christine

Great question! “Pounce” can be thought of like a tiger lying in wait for an opportunity to jump in on its “prey”. Pounce could be a woman not listening to a man waiting to jump into his conversation with her direction. It could mean pounce as in driving the relationship, or pushing too soon. Basically any energetic that is put out there in a need to control how things are going to go without letting them mutually and organically evolve.

Hi Christine,
Great article, I keep needing to be reminded how this works. My husband died in 2004 and I kept busy working and doing my life, creating the life I have now. This has never attracted any man to come to me, so why would that change now?

Hi Nancy,
First of all, I’m so sorry about your husband’s transition. That feels tough. And, kudos for creating a new life.

Remember that your work, like what you do, does not attract a man. How you share feelings around him and how he thinks that he can share around you and feel safe with you attracts him in. Experiment with being soft yet strong around men and see how that works for you. Thanks dear Nancy for sharing!

well this certainly hits home with the disappearing boyfriend. I’ve seemed to lost myself in him & waiting on his calls & for him to show up. I’ve been in my head beating myself up what can i do to just get him to show up. it been bad lately. I have taken time off from work at his request now all i have is time and now he has none. time to focus on me again. thank you for you for sharing the words i needed to hear.

Hi Christine,
I read your blogs earlier today and now I wanted to read the part about the pool and the crystal shower again and can’t find it.
It is sooo beautiful, I was crying healing tears. Keep up the good work!

Hello Christine,
Thank you for sharing your wisdom about how we as women need to remember to keep our focus on changing ourselves for the better.
God designed men to be men, and women to be women. If we all focus on becoming the best we can be and enjoy life with an attitude of grace and love for all, we will learn more about who we are and wisely discern the kind of man we desire.
In terms of “waiting”, I like to think of it in terms of hope. When there are numerous exchanges of common interests, likes, dislikes, values, desires, and enjoyable times of doing life together, you’re grateful for these times and hope that it evolves into something more meaningful and forever lasting. Letting go and allowing your man to do what he needs to do in his time and in his way are expressions of loving him. In a beautiful sense, I find the same is true for me when he respects my time and space to be me. If this relationship is right, nothing can stop it. If it’s the desire of one and not the other than nothing can bring it together for any ultimate good. Humbling ourselves to wait with hope to see how things evolve is honorable. At the same time life goes on and it’s important to continue to grow to be the person you were created to be and open to the very plan and opportunities for the building of your character and ultimate joy.
I believe “waiting” in the correct context can be a time of respectful letting go and a time of meaningful growth of oneself for the best possible plan of a relationship if it is meant to be for the ultimate good of one another and together in unity.
Thank you for your insight and knowledge, Christine.

I feel I need to re-read this post and all of the comments, because this is a huge issue for me. I am over 40 years old and despair whenever I feel my date distance himself, manage to control my despair for about three text messages, then threaten to block him (and expect him to run after me), he ends up blocking me, I hunt him down on Facebook and write long e-mails (starting from rage to declarations of love and ending in apology) and I never hear from them again. Then I feel low for about one month and after the cycle restarts. I haven’t had a boyfriend for about five years. I need to learn what you explain in this post, all its depth. I need to mature and evolve to a deeper and more understanding and experience of love. My desperation isn’t love and I want to find out what it really is, without sacrificing my own needs, because I do expect a man to care about me.