Thursday, August 29, 2013

Almost everyone knows the story of David and Goliath. It is the ultimate underdog story of a simple
shepherd boy taking down a mighty warrior who left the entire army of Israel
shaking in its boots. David achieved
victory through his confidence in a God bigger than himself. We serve that very same God today and Goliath
wasn’t the only giant to be faced. We
all face giants every single day. The following
are just a few of the giants that I wake up every morning and go to war
against:

{1} The Giant of Inadequacy- “You’re not enough!”

This giant is probably the biggest one for me
personally. The giant of inadequacy is
what drove me to my darkness where I went and hid away instead of facing
it. Daily, I hear voices that name me “not
enough” as I live in a world driven by duty.
It is impossible to escape a system of doing in order to gain; that is
how our world functions. I find hope in
that fact that I will always be good enough, strong enough, perfect enough, and
holy enough for God. There is nothing I
could do that would make me not enough for Him.
That may be what this world calls me but that is not what I answer to.

{2} The Giant of Regret- “You should have done that differently!”

Ah, the giant of regret, I know him well. This giant and I are still in a full on
battle which makes him a little tougher to talk about. I regret quite a few things in my life. Friendships that I destroyed, hearts that I
broke, and a person I let hurt me. The
latter I thought I finally had moved past until memories of broken trust stand
up and shout “Hey! Look at me!” This
giant forces me to live in my past and drives me to focus on things that don’t
matter anymore. Peace and victory comes
in know that I am loved, treasured, and safe in the arms of Christ. I don’t live in my past anymore; that Jess is
dead and a new one stands in her place.

{3} The Giant of Anger- “You better get them back for treating you like
that!”

There was a time when I was explosively angry. It was actually pretty scary now that I think
back on it! I was driven by a need to
exact my own brand of justice onto those crossing me. I would explode without warning or
thought. I could go from completely calm
to punching things in a split second.
Add alcohol to that equation and it’s a wonder I didn’t end up in prison! Now my inner Hulk is more contained and doesn’t
rear his ugly head quite as often. I
still struggle with my want for justice in spite of my heart for grace. I am thankful for people who love me and
remind me that God loves the hurters as much as he does those they hurt. Luckily, I have an army behind me fighting
this giant with me.

{4} The Giant of Emptiness/Addiction- “You can’t cope with that!”

Not everyone struggles with this giant, but I spend every
day fighting him. I am 5 years into my sobriety
journey and I still struggle daily with my addiction. This giant never really fights alone; He
usually teams up with another giant and just shoots arrows of emptiness at me
from behind him. He is actually, oddly
enough, my easiest giant to defeat because as soon as he shows up it is a red
flag to me that I need to go get filled up with all that God has to offer
me. God has a fullness that emptiness is
just no match for.

{5} The Giant of Failure- “You are a screw up!”

I can say with confidence that everyone faces this giant on
a daily basis! He usually teams up with
the giant of guilt. Failure points out
our faults and guilt screams that we need to pay for them. We all fail (shocker) and we all feel like
failures sometimes. One thing that helps
me face this giant is something my dad always says.

“Failure is a prelude to success.”

Failure is simply the opportunity to learn and improve. When we have moral failures, it’s our opportunity
to take in the forgiveness that is already there waiting on us and to never
want to fail in that same way again. The
confidence found in grace will always conquer the giant of failure.

Those are the big boys that try to send me running. To be honest, some days I am the Israelite
army, too afraid to fight. Most day
though, I wake up ready, armed with my sling and stones, and running full speed
towards a giant that I know is no match for my God.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I wrote yesterday about how I’m not a fan of Christianity/religion. Today I thought I’d write about why I love
God. I used to see God as this stern figure
watching me closely so he could punish me when I screwed up. I found him to be cold and hard with little
interest in a relationship with a messy person like me. The more I take in grace the more I discover
a God who is passionately in love with who I am. He rocks out with me to Journey, watches The
Office with me, and inspires me to write crazy things on my blog. I love the God I know now! Here are just a few of my very favorite
things about God:

[1] He’s a show off.

God is SUCH a show off! So often I get worked up and worried
about situations I have to face or struggles that I’m going through and all the
time God’s right there taking care of things.
Not only does He help me get through the struggles; He lavishes me with
unexpected blessings in the process. I
have, many times, said to Him, “Really, Dude?! Now you’re just showing off!” I love
that about Him. It keeps me on my toes
and constantly surprises me.

[2] He’s a smartass.

Oh my gosh! Did she just call GOD a smartass?! Yep, I sure did! He is! Do you know what I hated
more than anything growing up? Reading,
writing, and pretty much anything to do with English class. I cannot spell to save my life, I read slower
than a turtle stuck in molasses, and I would definitely use “u” instead of “you”
every time if it were socially acceptable.
Guess what God called me to do?
Be a writer. Guess what else I
really suck at? Getting along with
women. Guess what else God called me to do? Be a leader for women. Me and God have these arguments where He
calls me to something and I’m just like, “Hey that’s a great idea and all
buuuuuut I’m good with that never happening!”
He always ends up winning that argument as I finally give in and try to
wade into the waters of what He’s called me to, realizing I’m actually not
totally horrible at some of these things.
I’m glad God’s a smartass. He
pushes me to things I never even imagined I could be or achieve.

[3] He has a sense of humor.

Have you seen a platypus?
I mean, come on! God has the best sense of humor ever! I feel like when
we get to heaven He’s definitely going to tell jokes and make silly faces with
us!

[4] He speaks my language.

When some people pray they are serious and somber and start
using all these words that no one really says in real life. Some say God’s name about 50 times in their 2
minute long prayer and I’m like, “Ok, really? God knows His name you don’t need
to keep reminding Him of it!” I’m very
simple and very real when it comes to talking to God. I talk to him just like I would talk to my
dad and He talks back to me the same way.
He knows how I relate and how to speak my language. I’m really glad that I don’t have to pretend
to be something I’m not just so I can talk to God; I’ve never been too great at
the whole pretending thing.

[5] He’s patiently persistent.

God is always persistent in pushing me to live out of who He
knows I am. He wants me to do great
things and succeed in my passions. He
never ceases in pursuing me or in challenging me to take in more of what he has
given me. However, He is never impatient
with me. He doesn’t get frustrated with
me when I don’t follow down the path He knows is best for me. He doesn’t punish me or withhold his love from
me when I screw up. He isn’t nagging in
how he relates to me. He pursues me and
he pushes me but he never stops speaking love and gentleness to my heart.

[6] He never changes.

Who God is, His essence will never change. Many people have walked in and out of my life. People I thought I knew turned out to be not
at all who I thought they were. My trust
has been broken and heart has been let down.
It’s comforting to know that who God is now is who He will always
be. He’s not going to just change his
mind one day about loving me or being excessive in his grace. He always has been and always will be the
greatest lover and pursuer of our hearts.
I am thankful for that.

There are many more things that I love about God but these
are a few of my favorite things (insert reference to the Sound of Music here). I used
to believe that God was something totally different than He really is and I am
grateful for every day that I find out something new about Him. I’m glad to have discovered a God who is in
tune with who I am and loves every bit of me.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Congratulations to those of you who made it past the title
at least long enough to read this first sentence! Ok, so I love Jesus and I read my Bible (a
whole lot more than I ever did when I was told to), and I do church related
activities 4 days a week (sometimes 5), but I am not a Christian. I gave up on the religion of Christianity a
LOOOOOONG time ago when it became painfully obvious I never was going to fit
within that system. So, now I just go on
crazy adventures with Jesus and love people I’m not “supposed to.” I ditched Christianity to run away with Jesus
and here’s why; my reasons why I’m not a Christian:

1~They are too picky.

Christians say really confusing things like, “We can judge
people, we just can’t condemn them” or “Well, God says we have to love them but
that doesn’t mean we have to like them.” I’ve even heard some say, “God forgives
us but if we are living in sin we will have to answer to him for that one day!” Christians like to pick and choose which sins
are really not that big of a deal and which sins are worth kicking someone out
of the church for. It’s interesting that
if one were to read in Romans it states “whatever is not from faith is sin.” So anything we do out of fear, obligation,
guilt, or worry is sin. One could even
say, those who live their lives steeped in fear and obligation are, in fact,
living in sin. That levels the playing
field a little bit. Picking and choosing
is exactly what the Pharisees did, and we all know how big a fan Jesus was of
them.

*Romans 14:23

2~They are more
concerned with winning arguments than winning people.

CONFESSION: I have
been so guilty of this. It’s easy to get
caught up in an argument and forget about the actual people involved in
it. Christians are the worst at
this. They become so focused on proving
people wrong that they lose their hearts.
Even the most rational, logically thinking person, cannot be won over by
an argument alone, no matter how persuasive or even right you may be. If people don’t think you care about them,
why would they even want to listen to you?
We should be more concerned with helping heal the broken rather than
pointing out their brokenness.

3~They eat their own.

We’ve all seen it; how quickly Christians turn on one
another at the revelation of another’s imperfection. The moment one of them falls the others
gather around to feed of the remains spreading gossip, anger, and judgment
around for everyone to share. They judge
those with the slightly more obvious sin as not quite Christian enough and push
them to achieve more in order to gain their (and God’s) approval. I’m just not going to play that game anymore.
This reason alone is enough for me to say goodbye to the religion of
Christianity.

4~They use big words.

Ok, so maybe this is just a personal issue but really, do we
have to use all those huge words in church? Justification, sanctification,
predestination, transfiguration; these are just a few of the words Christians
throw around. It makes it hard for those
outside the church to understand what they are saying much less be interested
in it. It makes the church harder to
relate to and gives off an air of “we are better than you.” I’m a fan of the simplicity of stories and
analogies. The message of grace is a
simple one, why should we complicate it with big words?

5~I’m a radical.

When it comes down to it I am just too radical to be
confined by Christianity. I believe God operates
in extremes. He lavishes his love and
gives in abundance; there is no halfway when it comes to God. I believe in extreme grace not grace mixed
with “truth” (that’s just more picking so that they can say law without
actually saying it). For me, grace is
truth. I believe in a radical honesty
that keeps me from being anything but real with people and transparent about my
failures. I refuse to live a life driven
by fear and consumed with unrest. I will
ALWAYS err on the side of grace and forgiveness and to some that makes me a
heretic. That’s ok. Just remember, they crucified Jesus for blasphemy.

I decided a long time ago that I was done with the games of
religion and the bonds of Christianity. I
just love Jesus and I am passionate about grace. Those things make we want to love other
people and they drive me in everything that I do. I don’t need religion; just give me Jesus.

Monday, August 26, 2013

There is a lot to be learned from the church. Many lessons are taught to us by our
interactions with each other inside of it.
However, there are equally as many really awful lessons I learned in
church. The encouraging part, especially
for people like me, is that God is not limited by the walls of the church or
the 24 hours that make up Sunday. Here
are just a few lessons I learned about life and God outside of the church:

(1) God will never stop
pursing you.

This is probably the number one thing I learned about God
outside of church. Even in my darkest of
times God was still there, fighting to win my heart. In fact, it was at my dirtiest, most
entrenched in sin, moments that I felt He pursued me the hardest. I think we have this idea floating through
our churches that the deeper you trip and fall into sin, the farther you get
from God. We create this picture of a
god who stops at the edge of our sinfulness and says, “Woops, sorry buddy, I
can’t be around sin; you’re on your own!”
How quickly we forget He died for us while we were still sinners. If there is anything that I know for sure it
is that God will never stop pursuing us, whether it be in the depths of sin or
the in the heights of holiness.

(2) It’s OK to be broken,
imperfect, and hurting.

Everything I learned about being a good conman, I learned in
church. That’s harsh, but true. My past experience in church was one of
people filed into pews every Sunday, dressed in their best, plastering on a
smile, and pretending everything was perfect in their lives. Discussion between
one another was filled with surface struggles and safe confessions. You know what I mean, the “work has just
really been tiring this week” or “I have to confess I only spent 30 minutes on
my quiet time instead of an hour today.”
What then for the people like me?
Can we say “I really doubt that God even exists” or “Life really sucks
and I really just feel like getting drunk this weekend” after that? No. We
have to put on our matching plastic face and pretend it’s all ok. I learned quickly that pretending things are
ok doesn’t actually make them ok. We
have to be able to be real with one another.
Come on, honestly, we all know no one is perfect, so can’t we just stop
pretending to be? There is strength in
honesty among believers; there is power there that Satan fears.

(3) It’s important to
deal with conflict.

I don’t want to brag but… I am the queen on dealing with
conflict! If we have a problem, I will let you
know! In church we tend to sweep things
under the rug a lot in the name of forgiveness.
Don’t get me wrong, forgiveness is great… if you actually forgive the
person. If instead you don’t face the
conflict, but then hold onto said conflict until it breeds anger and resentment
toward that person that’s not really forgiveness. I learned how to face conflict while I was
going through therapy. It was there I
adopted the belief in a radical honesty that caused me to face conflict head
on. It’s amazing how silly some of our conflicts
will reveal themselves to be when you face them right away.

(4) When bad things
happen to you that doesn’t mean you deserve them.

BREAKING NEWS: Bad
things happen to good people. One of my
best friends, greatest mentors, and the strongest woman of faith I have ever
known died very suddenly at a young age. She didn’t deserve it; it wasn’t
fair. That didn’t happen to her because
God was angry with her; it happened because we live in a broken world filled
with sickness and death. I think we want
an explanation for when bad things happen so we just blame it on God, “Oh God
let that happen because I didn’t go to church this week.” We live in a broken world filled with anger,
hurt, brokenness, bad decisions, and failure.
Shit happens.

(5) Nothing in this world
will truly satisfy you.

I learned this lesson simply by trying everything I could
think of to be satisfied. I found myself
sorely disappointed and just as empty as when I started. This world’s pleasures are fleeting. They will only fill you until the next time
you are hungry. The more you try to fill
yourself with these temporary fixes the more aware you become that really they
just push against the walls of the hole making it bigger and bigger until the emptiness
is too much to even try to satisfy anymore.
Want to know some really awesome news? When it comes to being right with
God, being loved, feeling accepted, and needing embracing God has given to us
in fullness. No matter how wide your
hole of emptiness is He will fill it and make it overflow! “Blessed
are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.”

These are all lessons I learned through my experience and my
failures. Learning these lessons is what
brought me to God and, in turn, what led me to the truth of grace. Look for the lessons of life that weave their
way through your day to day and don’t limit God’s power to the pews.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Yesterday’s blog was about phrases we use in the church that
are over used and undervalued. Today I want
to check out some Christiany words that we use in church all the time but don’t
really understand the depth of them, they are like the underdogs of
Christianity. There are plenty of words
I can go into that church people use but don’t really understand like “sanctification,
justification, and fellowship,” but instead I chose some very simple ones that
we just tend to overlook. Here are a few
of my favorite underdog church words that have a lot more power than we give
them credit for:

(1) Worship

Most of the time when we hear the word “worship” we think of
it at the music we sing before the pastor gets up to preach. We see it as that mini concert that relieves
us from having to listen to a two hour long sermon. Worship is so much deeper than that. It’s more than just the songs we sing on
Sunday morning. It is our giving of
praise to God. It looks different for
different people.

Two very good friends
of mine sit and draw (very well I might add) what they are feeling or even
thinking about God. Others just sit in
silence and take God in. I am intensely
moved by music, so for me, worship usually has something to do with very loud,
very real music. It doesn’t just happen
in church or at youth group either.
Sometimes it’s in the car on the way to work, other times it may be
during a hot shower after a long day.
God is not limited by our church walls, why should we be?

(2)Disciple

“After we get saved, we become disciples of Christ.” I’ve heard different forms of that phrase many
times in my short Christian life. What
does that even mean? Does that mean we
all turn into fishermen and follow Jesus around completely confused by His
teaching? I mean, that’s what the
original disciples did!

Disciples in
Jesus’s day were actually called “talmidim” and every rabbi had talmidim. If you wanted to be a talmid you approached
the rabbi and asked, “May I follow you?”
Basically saying, “Hey do I have what it takes to be just like you?” Jesus, not surprisingly, was no better at
following the rules than I am and he broke that pattern, going out and calling
his talmidim to follow him.

Talmidim
didn’t just follow their rabbi, they dedicate their lives to him. They ate with him, slept with him, spent
their lives learning from him, and even gave up even their families so that they
could spend every moment of their lives alongside him. They shared their best and worst moments with
each other.

The ultimate goal of the
rabbi was for people to know him by knowing his talmidim. When we take in Christ’s sacrifice we become
his talmidim. This means more than just
following along behind him trying to copy his every move; it is a passionate,
intimate relationship with him that causes people to know our rabbi by knowing
us.

(3)Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit gets thrown around a lot in church, “being
moved by the Holy Spirit, receiving the Spirit, living in the Spirit, led by
the Spirit” I know there is probably about 50 more that you can think of! Do we really even know what the Holy Spirit
is? I always pictured it as the little
vapor part of God that comes and rents the room with Jesus in my heart and that
is responsible for making me feel guilty when I screw up.

In the culture of those to whom this was
written, your spirit was the essence of who you were. It was everything that made up you. This is not necessarily what you look like
but rather who you are. For instance, if
you look at me you will see a spikey hair, tattoos, gauged ears, dark eyes, and
most of the time a smile (or at least a smirk).

Suppose someone were to build and exact replica of me, you could tell no
difference by looking at it that we were different. The only difference was this Bizarro Jess,
was very quiet, very serious, lacked passion, and had no really strong beliefs
about anything. None of my friends would
believe that Jess was me! See because
our spirits, attributes, personalities didn’t match up.

The Holy Spirit is the essence of God. It was makes up who He is. His loves, hates, desires, passions, and
feelings. So, when the Bible says that
God unites His spirit with ours, that means the very essence of who He is
becomes our essence too! That’s much
more exciting than the puff of air I always imagined it to be!

(4) Grace

Grace, my favorite subject! (I’m sure that comes as a huge surprise
to everyone!) Church people use that word for everything, I mean really! “It’s
by God’s grace that I woke up this morning.”
“God’s grace let me walk away from that car accident.” Phrases like those make God out to be this
harsh figure lording over us, letting us scrape by if we’re lucky. To me those phrases translate to “Whew, I
really glad God didn’t strike me down today!”

Grace is a word of extreme
depth. I could probably write an encyclopedia
series just on the wonder of what it really is.
Grace is more than just God’s allowing you to survive; grace is God
lavishing his favor, love, holiness, and joy onto you, bringing you life. Grace is God’s unrelenting love for us even
in our failures. Grace is God seeing us
as clean even when we feel dirty. Grace
is God’s awakening of life in us in the midst of the death that life tries to
tie us down to. Grace is not just an
escape; Grace is a new name, a new creation, a better existence.

Grace is something to party about! Grace is
the ultimate underdog word, for all the underdogs who were never expected to be
anything great. It levels the playing field
and makes heroes out of the forgotten.

There you have it! My four picks of the top underdog words
in Christianity! I hope they mean
something different to you now and that they ignite a smile when you hear them
again. Fight for the underdogs, my
friends, God has a habit of making something wonderful out of them.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Along with millions of other human beings on this planet, I
grew up in church. There were certain
phrases I heard quite often that, after a while, became meaningless, some even
became annoying. After my hiatus from
church/religion, some of the more archaic phrases of Christianity just left a bad taste
in my mouth as I determined never to let them cross my lips. There are others that I have grown to love as
I dove into the deep end of their meanings.
The following are a few phrases that most of us have heard in church and that, I
think, could use a makeover:

1- “I’ll pray for you.”

I think this is one that we as Christian’s say when really
we don’t know what to say. A friend of
ours is going through something difficult and we respond with, “I’ll pray for
you,” For some it offers comfort, for others, like me, it just annoys and
frustrates us. I often times thought sarcastically to myself, “Yeah… thanks for that.” It has become a phrase that is overused and under-appreciated
as we use it in an attempt to comfort someone without actually having to give
anything of ourselves. What if instead
of saying “I’ll pray for you” we said “I love you.” What if we said, “I don’t know what to say,
but please tell me how I can help you.” That might just mean something.

2- “Accept Jesus into your heart.”

This is one of those phrases that is so overused most of us
instantly stop listening as soon as it escapes from another’s mouth. It waters down what’s actually going on when
you take in the wonder of Christ’s sacrifice. It paints a picture in our minds
of a little action figure sized Jesus taking up a little room inside us while
not really changing much about us. The
greatness of taking in Jesus is so much more than that! In fact, when you read in 1 Corinthians, you
will find that we actually become one with Him in spirit! He bonds us together
as one, never to be separate again. He doesn’t
just come rent a room in our hearts, He becomes ONE with us!

3- “We are adopted into God’s family.”

This one you hear quite a bit when the discussion of who we
are to God comes up. It’s a statement
that loses some of its “umph” in our culture.
Back in the good old days when it was written adoption meant something
very different than it does to us today.
In that culture you could disown or disinherit one of your biological
children but you couldn’t do that to one of your adopted children. Children of adoption were forever sealed as
one of the family. Adoption came with
security, love, and eternal acceptance.
Knowing this makes verses like the one in Romans 8 so much more
impacting. “For you did not receive the
spirit of slavery leading again to fear, but you received the Spirit of
adoption, by whom we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’”

4- “Love the sinner; hate the sin.”

I have heard the mantra too many times to count. Many times it’s used to explain how Christian’s
should deal with sin. Why is that sin is
the awkward subject that we don’t really know how to deal with in church but
know without a doubt that evil and ugly?
My personal thoughts on this phrase is that it has become something we
say and not really something we do. We
find ourselves getting so caught up in hating the sin that it breeds anger,
resentment, and ultimately hatred towards the sinner. What if instead we do what Jesus did and
instead of worrying about which one it’s ok to hate, we just shower people with
love and point them towards freedom? We
should worry less about being “of the world” and join Jesus in partying with
the sinners.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Those statements ring with familiarity was we hear the world
say over and over again, “You’re not ___________ enough.”

When we hear that what do we do? If something is not enough that must mean it’s
empty, missing something, or incomplete, right?

Some of us hear that we are not enough and we give up trying
to be. We run down dark roads trying desperately
to fill our “not enough” with something else.
We are aware of the big gaping hole inside of us so we start throwing
things into it to try and fill it up, drugs, alcohol, sex, false freedom,
destructive relationships, anything to make us feel a moment of wholeness.

There are others who walk a different path, trying to be
enough. They become obsessed with
keeping the rules, staying within the lines, exceeding expectations, and making
sure everyone else does too. They try to fill their “not enough” with things
like busyness, projects, dedication to service, and constant devotion to
climbing the ladder of success. They
live for the next, “Great Job!” or “Atta Boy!”
to fill them with a moment of being enough… until their next failure.

We both try to fill our emptiness with more emptiness.

Separate roads leading to the same destination of exhaustion,
unfulfillment, lack of peace, fear, and still being just not enough.

There is a song by Shane Bernard in which he sings the lyric
“Your fullness is mine.” Fullness. God’s fullness.

What is God full of?

So often we think of God as loving people, creating beauty,
giving forgiveness, doing good things, speaking truth, showing favor, and even
doing perfect things. We see those as
things he does.

Those are not things He does; those are things that He IS.

God is love. He is
beauty. He is forgiveness, good, truth,
favor, and perfection. Those are what he
is FULL of. Then, He sent his Son, who
He “was pleased to have all his fullness
dwell in,” to die in our place so that we could become one with him.

So that we could be enough.

See, because now, we are full. In a world where all other paths lead to
emptiness He offered us fullness. HIS
fullness. He didn’t just give us the
ability to do good things; He made us, me and you, BE love, forgiveness, beauty,
truth, favor, and perfection.

Sometimes we will hear the world shout at us that we are
still not enough and we forget how full we are.
Then we reach out to fill our perceived emptiness with more emptiness
and we wonder why God took away our fullness… but he never did. We will always be full, we will always be
enough, even when we forget how full we are.

You know what’s really awesome about being full? All those things that we thought He did but
really are just who He is; all those things, aren’t what we do either, they are
who we ARE. We don’t have to worry about
doing anymore, we just have to BE. Live
in fullness, my friends, and just be.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I’ve taken a small hiatus from the writing scene
lately. At times I feel overwhelmed by
how many things need to be written about and I retreat to the pages of my own
personal journal as I get all of my thoughts together. A concept has become a reoccurring theme in
my recent musings, the idea of a name.

What is the power of a name?
Why does it matter what we’re named, what people call us, or what we
allow our title to be? What does naming
something do?

It’s strange how much power a name has. For instance the difference between your
husband/boyfriend calling you “Babe” or calling you “Baby.” This one might just be me personally, but “Babe”
sounds more like a name of possession, “You’re my girl!” and “Baby” has the
feeling of sweetness, intimacy, and care.
“You’re my love.” One letter
difference, a name change, and completely different feelings emerge.

When you’ve been hurt by someone the sound of their name
lights a fire of anger, resentment, and hurt deep within you, as you quickly
try to change the subject.

The names you were called by teasing classmates in the dark
corners of the gym locker room haunt you into adulthood.

Why does a name mean so much?

When I was younger my family called me sweet names like
Possum, due to the fact that I always faked like I was asleep when dad came to
wake me up in the morning, and Jessie Poo (obviously that one came from
mom). In college, my close friends
called me Peanut after a high energy ventriloquist puppet from a popular comedy
routine. I loved those names, they were
sweet, and they incited a smile every time I heard them.

I’ve been called many other things in my life too; addict,
broken, messy, rebel, trouble, problem child, hard, tough, misunderstood,
stubborn, too honest, evil, heathen, a false prophet (that was a new one), and
even a bitch a few times. It’s interesting
how quickly those names jump back into my mind, much more so than the former
sweet names.

The power of a name isn’t in the word itself; it’s not the
letters in a row or even the definition of the word itself that makes it mean
so much. The power in the name is how it
defines you.

That’s why God puts verses in the Bible like the one in
Isaiah that says, “You will be called by a new
name that the Lord himself will give you. You will be a majestic crown in
the hand of the Lord.”

There are many pictures of people being given new names
after life changing encounters with God.
Abram and Sari became Abraham and Sarah, Saul the destroyer became Paul
the humble, and Simon became Peter, the rock of Christ’s church.

God hasn’t changed.
We are given a new name for every awful one we have ever been called
after our radical encounter with Christ.
Where we were once called “Broken” he names us “Whole.” Where we hear “Ugly” he shouts “Beautiful.” When we are a mess he calls us perfect. We have BEEN renamed.

It’s not just in the process of happening as we work a
little harder to be a better person. Our
name has already BEEN, past tense, changed.
It is done, written on the heart of Christ, tattooed on our spirits for
the rest of eternity!

So, you might ask, “What does that mean for me?” It means you are no longer defined by your
past. It means you no longer have to
answer to that voice inside your head that calls you no enough. It means you can live in freedom knowing that
you are named by the one who sees you as perfect. In the words of Madea, “It’s not what you’re
called; it’s what you answer to.”

Who I Am

Writer. Radical. Former addict sabotaged by extravagant, scandalous, excessive grace. I believe in a God who does big things in small people; the God of royal shepherds, fearful warriors, and rebel pastors.