Dads

I'll let you in on a secret I LOVE being a dad, it is the single greatest thing in my life. My partner, other family, friends, hobbies and other loves (reading, music, photography etc.) you are all great (don't be jealous now) but nothing, and I do mean nothing, quite compares to the awesomeness of being a dad.

At work you need to work. Nobody is interested in whether your baby can eat a whole carrot or not. Why would they be? It's bloody boring! And they're normal -working people who have deadlines, clients to please, travel to book, emails to send.

You cannot babysit your own kids, what you are doing is being a responsible adult or parent and looking after the produce of your (probably) misguided fumblings (anyone who claims this clearly has no wish to be a dad so it must have been a mistake, am I right?).

Wife goes on a rare night out and you have strict instructions regarding kids bed time - ignore all said instructions, give them all the forbidden snacks they want in front of a movie and let them fall asleep on the sofa without brushing their teeth. Maximum points for dad!

So why, when most live nearby and those who don't could catch the bus, do parents insist on clogging up the already busy roads, and disrupting other people's time starved lives, just so their little bag of snot bundle of joy doesn't have to walk?

While this Labour policy may seem progressive, reflecting the reality that many fathers want to be at home with their newborn too, I feel what it's really reinforcing is that after four weeks a man's place is still at work while a woman's is at home with the baby.

Dads often suffer a crisis of masculinity, particularly stay-at-home dads who rely on their partner as the breadwinner, finding themselves reluctant to ask for money from the partner, which goes against their natural instinct as a male, to be able to provide, to be self-sufficient and a role model to their child.

"I don't think my dad ever loved me." This is the statement I hear my clients repeating time after time. It's irrelevant who says it, men or women, although it is more common coming from women, given that an unhealthy relationship with their dad, i.e. 'Key Male Figure', tends to reflect in their relationships

Parents need to get creative and patient when it comes to sex. I certainly found that the less couples stress about it and accept what it is and are honest with each other, the more they enjoyed the intimacy they had.

The other day there were simultaneous conversations going on; one about how their child's homework was too easy and the other about how their child's homework was too hard. And they weren't just discussing it, they were getting very worked up! They seemed to think that one teacher was either too lazy to set proper homework or thought their children were idiots.

No "Well dones you donated good genes", no "How are you feeling?" and no offers of advice on how to fathom out the bewildering world of fatherhood. Instead, they are left to figure it out for themselves, hope for the best and then get themselves back to work.

t's an odd statement. A couple of years ago I wouldn't have been able to understand why anyone would put those words in that order. I was a teenage boy when the Spice Girls were around. When the Spice Girls were singing Wannabe I was not paying attention.

It's important that we recognise that some men will not benefit from being at the birth of their child. For some people this would seem like a step backwards, the exclusion of anyone based on their sex, from anything, will always be seen as such, but we must remember that a father's mental health is important too.

Feeling slightly inadequate or left out is normal. You may sense that you are missing something special, by not being able to feed the baby. You might experience a perceived (or real) loss of intimacy, as your lover's role is reframed... So, it is helpful to know there are many ways you can 'breastfeed' the baby!

This may sound a little harsh, but if I have to endure any more of the tinkle tinkle sounds, bright colours and annoying voices of children's TV screeching through my consciousness I am going to lose my bloody mind!