THE Tonys. You watched the show last night. I worked the rehearsal yesterday morning.

* 9:05 a.m. Dolly Parton. In full war paint. Cochise, when he was cranky, flashed less. Lip liner, shadow, base, eyelashes out to her nipples; tighttighttight sequin décolleté gown sliced to her instep, spike platform heels and The Wig.

* 9:07 a.m. Jane Fonda told the teleprompter guy, “Make the print larger. I can’t read it.” Leaning on a Lucite cane, she wore dark glasses, which must be her new thing because minutes later she copped another pair, black and white Emilio Pucci’s, from the gift lounge. Freebies.

Chorines in their “Guys and Dolls” Salvation Army costumes snapped cellphone photos of everyone. In Kristin Chenoweth‘s designated seat, which was right near Anne Hathaway‘s seat, Mark Indelicato, the kid from “Ugly Betty,” tweeted how Gavin Creel just said hi to him.

So Liza‘s telling me: “I started out making scenery, painting flats. Being in a theater is the most exciting thing in my life.” Midway a stranger interrupted to blaah endlessly on how thrilling to meet her in person. Eyes glazed over, Liza turned back to me with: “So, anyway, she gave him the $30,000.” Staring at her, I asked: “What the hell are you talking about?” When the fan finally left, Liza grinned: “Years ago my godmother, Kay Thompson, taught me: ‘When you need to shake some pest, just tell whomever you’re with, ‘So, anyway, she gave him the $30,000.’ It gets you out of any corner.”

Stockard Channing: “I had to get up 7 this morning. I mean, we’re used to getting up maybe 10 o’clock. This is not a civilized hour.”

John Stamos: “To do this today I had to get up 7 o’clock. But that’s not a great quote for you. Better to say this is my first time at the Tonys and I’m excited. And ‘Hair’ is my favorite musical.”

As Esquire-neat Colin Hanks signed his name on the official Tony poster, unshaven multiple-time Tony winner Frank Langella nearly collided with sartorially splendiferous nominee Jeff Daniels in rumpled blue shirt hanging out of jeans.

The usually fuzzy cuddly James Gandolfini sat with all his friends. Alone. All alone. Because long ago I’d scooped his divorce, he talked to me only to say, “I won’t talk to you.” The man sat, arms folded, off the side aisle of Radio City. His arms unfolded only to applaud the ensemble onstage. So, not like he hates everybody — just me.

For the gents, best turned out was Oliver Platt, who plays Nathan Detroit in “Guys and Dolls.” He flashed an ultra-suede jacket. He said: “Eight shows a week is so exhausting that your body almost gets used to it. I sleep a lot. Really tough is when you add extra work, like this week I was shooting ‘Bored to Death,’ a coming HBO show. Threw my whole schedule off.”

For the women, best dressed was Best Actress nominee Marcia Gay Harden from “God of Carnage.” Orange silk dress. Wide beige leather belt, matching heels and real tortoise-shell bracelet. She brought her mother and asked permission to bring Mom on the red carpet that evening. She said: “First Broadway play I ever saw was ‘The Real Thing’ with Jeremy Irons.”

Edie Falco was hunting “my TV husband, James Gandolfini.” So, Edie, Gandolfini, he ever pleasant? Edie, who never says anything bad about anybody and probably would have a good word for Jeffrey Dahmer, put it this way: “He was great on the set. He’s uncomfortable with the media.” We then discussed her new TV show “Nurse Jackie” and its good reviews. “Were they really good?” she asked. “I wouldn’t know. I never read reviews. Not even when I’m doing a Broadway show. They sometimes hurt my feelings.”

Whenever “Blithe Spirit” is finally over, Angela Lansbury‘s “headed for my home in Ireland. I always go there for my little annual rest. I’ll spend three weeks.” And she’ll put her expected fifth Tony there? “No. That’s for my family home in Brentwood.”

Bebe Neuwirth introduced her husband of one month, Chris Calkins, who makes wine, with: “Our friend Peter Coyote is a Zen Buddhist priest and conducted the ceremony. We followed that with a New Jersey judge. Chris’ stepmother was my acting teacher 25 years ago and then we met one and a half years ago. Isn’t it wonderful for a woman of 50 and man of 60 to find love? A part of our vows was to always be grateful.”

Whereupon a staffer then shared the fact that James Gandolfini just called him “a pain in the ass.”

Megan Hilty, who plays Dolly’s role in “9 to 5”: “None of us are jealous that Allison Janney was nominated for Best Musical Actress and we weren’t. We’re all very supportive. Allison deserves it.”

Allison, who I’d reported “has the narrowest behind in captivity,” bumped it at me in passing. Gandolfini called me “Satan.” And Daniel Breaker, the donkey in “Shrek: The Musical,” gave me a big hello. I must be doing something wrong.