distraction

I thought I would take a moment and sit down here to do some writing and share what I have been up to lately. I have recently started putting more time towards developing some acrylic paintings. Most or much of my focus these days goes towards developing my art business. So a big point for me that I have been walking for some time is the relationship between Art and Money. But this could also be understood as the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions. I am not sure how rare my situation is but I decided that I would pursue creating and selling art, essentially my passion, as how I would make my primary income and it has been an interesting journey. For the first 10 years after I graduated art school and begun pursuing my passion of creating art and turning that into my career, I never really sold much art and just found other ways to make money. My approach back then was simply to create art and frankly I never made art to sell. In fact I believed that if I was making art to sell then I would be a Sell Out and so I steered clear of that and went for a kind of purity (or so I believed) of just expressing myself and not bothering to worry about if it sold or not, though, I actually did want it to sell and I did want to make money off of it. Although during that time, even though I wasn’t really creating art with the mindset of making it to sell, I did still have external influences from the perspective of I did want other people to like what I was doing, they didn’t have to buy it, they just had to like it. But that is whole other point for a different blog.

After a time away from doing art as my primary focus I got back into it about 4 or 5 years ago and this time I ended up in a situation where I was making it and selling it and surviving off of it. Though the art I was making you could say was more geared towards a particular market or aesthetic preference that wasn’t necessarily my personal preference. And this has been quite a challenge for me to essentially take a subject or style that is not necessarily ‘my preference’ and then to find myself in it, to, Make it My Own so to speak.

I will also add here that “My Preference” is definitely something I am still getting to know and so am willing to do things that I believe are not my preference to actually investigate them deeply and see if I can connect to it on some level because honestly “my preference” I realize has been greatly influenced, directed, impulsed by my culture, parents, peers, society, ect, so I have am definitely willing to challenge “my preference” and to make actually walk that process of really understanding what it means to get to know Myself on a deep level and understand what I do really personally like and enjoy and make sure this is not just something that someone told me I like or I thought I was supposed to like it because everyone else did. Okay back to my point…

Over time and more so lately I have begun putting more time into painting and developing this more marketable line of work. And the question I have been walking and attempting to find the balance within is, that line between creating art to sell, that is marketable, and creating art for me where I can add my personal touch and take the art in directions that is more about my personal self expression and making sure that in the end the artwork contains depth and substance, than just making something to sell.

Okay going to add some Self Forgiveness Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people will think about me if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that one can make marketable art that still has depth, substance, and quality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be distracted or dissuaded by my fears in a way where I don’t give myself the opportunity to test the theory of creating art that is marketable but also still has ME and My personal touch on it where I can create the depth, quality, and substance that I would like to.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to develop a style that is both marketable as well as having substance, quality, and depth to it so I can be proud and happy with the work I create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a sell-out if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my fears to get the best of me where I will stop before even giving myself the chance to explore various ways of creating the Depth that I would like into my art while at the same time having it be something marketable and sellable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into EGO within thinking “I am too good” to make art that sells, meaning where I essentially believe and have also judged others as “Just making art to sell” and believing that this compromises the artistic integrity within the art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want my art to be good and fear diluting it through its relationship with money, but then not take this point BACK TO SELF and consider how HOW I LIVE and WHO I AM in my daily life within and without is for instance compromised by money or ultimately where I am actually compromising Myself and my own Quality and Substance by allowing myself to live in ways that is not best for me, but then divert my attention off of myself and just obsess about my art when the Real point here Should be about WHO I AM for real in real life because Who I am is what really matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people knowing that I am making art that is marketable because I fear they will lose respect for me and they will stop respecting the art I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people think I am selling out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think about me when what other people think about me is Not who I actually am, and who I actually am is what really matters and that is something that I Live and Walk and Express day by day and I am essentially the Gatekeeper of Who I am and am Responsible for who I am and must answer to myself with regards to what I accept and allow of and as myself and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that Who I am and How I live moment to moment is really What Matters in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in the surface dimension of worrying what other people think about my art and if they think I am selling out when this is like an irrational fear that is actually removed from who I am and what I live in real physical substance day to day and moment to moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to influenced and directed by fear energy and anxiety energy in relation to what I thought or think people think about my art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus too much on what my art looks like where it becomes a form of obsession where in I forget about ME and Taking Care of Myself and Working on points within myself to assist and support me to become and live to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess over my art and if other people will like it, and end up neglecting Myself and Working with myself in a process of Self Creation to become a Self that I am Satisfied and Happy with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore working on my inner reality through regular Self Writing and Self Forgiveness as a point of actually supporting myself to Correct, Change, and Transform those parts of myself that I see are not what they could be or are supporting me within my utmost potential. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to work on these aspects of self, and just focus all of my attention outside of myself into my art, and art business.

I commit myself to LIVE HERE, and to when and as I see myself going into that dimension of obsessing about what others might think about my art, to stop and take and in breath, and within the exhale, I slow myself down and bring myself back to the moment and back to here and realize that what Really Matters is WHO I AM and that when I start worrying about what other people think about my art and how that reflects on me, I realize that here I am actually OFF POINT and so I bring myself back to THEE POINT which is ME and Self and Who I am within myself and How I am LIVING moment to moment and I commit myself to assist and support myself to place my attention HERE onto me and to assist and support myself to work on Myself and What Really Matters which is Who I am in each and every moment, So that I can stand and face myself and look myself in the Eye, and know that I am Living my Best Self and be actually truly Satisfied and Content with myself, and Love Myself.

Okay so the point that is actually coming through here, which I was thinking that this blog would be about anyways, is not so much about the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions, but rather when ones Passions become more important than SELF. Because I have been noticing this with myself lately where although I have been investing more time into my art which is cool, though, I have in a slight way have been neglecting the most important point which is ME and just working with myself on that Inner Deep level in a way where I am supporting ME within my Process of Personal Self Creation and Transformation and basically just working on WHO I AM in each and every breath.

For the past few days I have practicing Living the word ‘Grounded’ to assist and support myself overall, but to also assist and support myself in changing a pattern of mine where I was indulging in ‘Distraction’. What is interesting is that if you look at the word “Distraction” it can be seen as “Dis-Traction” which translates into where you don’t have TRACTION and for me I noticed this dis-traction was also like a ‘slipping’ where I just so easily slip into a pattern of distraction and then being wasteful of my time and self and not really Supporting myself to LIVE they way that I know I am capable of doing. And so for the last few days I have been Living this word Grounded and will share here a few examples of how I have began doing/testing/implementing this into My Self Application.

A few days ago, I was challenged to come up with words that Describe my Physical Body. And here I am not really talking about the physical appearance of the body but more how I have experienced myself as my physical body over the years. So within slowing myself down and looking throughout my life how I have experienced myself in and as my Body or how I would describe it I came up with a list of words, with the First word on this list being GROUNDED.

For me this experience of myself being Grounded is where I find I am very Stable within myself. I am also very calm and there is very little happening within me. I am Calm, Stable, Quiet, and I find there is a clarity within myself. Like an ability to SEE what is going on around/within me. A Clearness.

Its actually quite a comforting feeling/experience.

There is also this aspect of things moving very slowly or where everything just comes to a halt and I am HERE within myself Grounded and Clear and Clam.

So as part of the Challenge of coming up with words I would describe my physical body experience as, was also to use these words to SUPPORT SELF within ones life and living. And so for me I took on bringing this experience/word more into the Front and Center of my Day to Day living and Awareness and Exploring how I could Support myself by and through Living this word that I Sourced from looking into how I would describe myself as my Human Physical Body.

So firstly what I started doing is “connecting” with this Grounded Experience more often, meaning where I would in moments during my day, just slow things down, breath and see if I can bring through that Grounded Experience within myself that I have over the years in moments accessed, lived and experienced within myself.

I also started doing this to support myself to move out of what I was mentioning earlier about my “Pattern of Distraction” and so I started looking at and exploring how I could use this Word GROUNDED and use that to support me in correcting this pattern of distraction that has become quite prevalent within myself and my life where I just become so easily distracted by things especially the internet and then I would end up going Deeper into the Distraction and then wasting so much time instead of really creating and developing my Best Self and my Best Life.

So I have begun accessing if you will, this experience of Grounded so for example where I face a moment of where Id normally slip into distraction. Rather, in that moment, I would bring forth this Grounded Experience as this Clam, Stable, Present and Quietness, and I would just calm things down, and Slow things down to a Halt and just be HERE in that Self Physical Groundedness and from there I would not only stop myself from slipping into the distraction because now I HAD TRACTION, but then I would from that Grounded Stance, Move myself in a Different Direction.

But I would say a Key here was just really slowing down and stopping myself in those moments where id want to just slip away into Distraction. And you know, often times my want and desire for Distraction was based on a Hectic Internal Experience, so within bringing forth a Calm, Slowing Down, Stable experience within myself, it was a point of me Facing that “busy mind experience” slowing myself down, Grounding Myself and then Saying “Okay I am HERE, I am Present, and I am Grounded, so now its like there is Nothing to Run From, No Hectic Experience to Run From because “I am HERE and Grounded” and so this point of Creating this Grounded Stability within me has also been a process over the last few days of Supporting myself to Ground myself in relation my mental/mind experience as a point of just supporting myself to be more HERE and Calm and then within that I Rather Direct myself into something more productive or supportive for me. And so it has supported me to Gain Traction to then Direct Myself instead of existing in Dis-Traction.

For me to LIVE this word also meant where I am actually being MORE PHYSICAL in my Living where often time my points of distraction where more mentally stimulating like watching series/movies and other internet stuff. So for me Living this word Grounded also meant to Live MORE IN my Physical environment, which even means for example taking a moment to tidy up my physical surroundings, or pet the cats, or just sit with myself and breath, or take the time to cook a meal.

So when I began this process I asked myself “How Can I Live this Word Grounded as this Experience that I initially described as this calm, quiet and clear stability within myself, into my physical and mental life and living?”

And from there I looked at how I had so many things always going on in my mind in relation to “all the things I had to do” and this would at times become quite overwhelming, and so another Dimension I have been exploring as a way to Physical Practically LIVE and Create this word ‘Grounded’ is through by Creating a Daily To-Do list for myself where instead of just having all these tasks and things I want and have to do swirling around in my head, I can write them down and practice giving them more Structure and Anchoring them HERE in the Physical on a Piece of Paper that I can use to GROUND all these swirling ideas and my plan here is to within doing things, clear the air a bit as in clearing my mind and have a more Practical Way to walk and plan tasks in my day. This has been something that I have thought about every now and then and saw this as a cool opportunity to implement creating and structuring to-do lists to just Support Myself in keeping more organized and structured in an area of my life that in essence wasn’t really becoming very much grounded using my usual method of just getting to things when and as they popped up in my mind. So I have been working with and developing this utilizing a to-do list structure the past few days which has been enjoyable so far and has supported me to just be more organized within myself and my physical environment.

Okay folks, that’s all for now. A few examples how I have been utilizing and Living this word ‘Grounded’ as a Support for me to correct this pattern of distraction that I had become prone to and to Support myself to Create myself and my Life into something more effective.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience my life as a Burden, and so constantly am trying to get away for it, hide from it and escape from it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to supress this experience of feeling like my life and all the things I have to do as a Burden through by distracting myself from my life when ever this burdensome experience comes up within me which I see I also experience as a resistance that comes up within me towards my life and the responsibilities of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist within the behavior of Self Distraction instead of investigating and introspecting on why it is that I feel compelled to distract myself to the degree where I would rather distract myself and exist within a limited expression of myself than Direct myself in and as my life in a way where I am living and expanding to my utmost potential and purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my process of Self Change as a burden, as something that “I have to do” as something that has become an obligation where I am in a state of conflict towards it and in a state of wanting to escape from it instead of embracing and living it moment by moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to utilize moments of resistance as opportunities to learn more about myself through facing them, investigating them, opening them up, understanding them so that I can be sure that I am Living to my Fullest Potential and not avoiding Self Expansion and Expression because of a point or moment of resistance that comes up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘hating resistance’ or ‘hating ‘the experience of resistance’ when really I can see here that its not the resistance that I hate, but rather I am reacting to having to face what ever point is on the other side of the resistance which I am seeing at the moment as points of Responsibility, often that I have avoided or don’t want to do, and that I also see that points of Responsibility are just different tasks, movements, activities, and expressions of myself that I have defined as responsibilities but are ultimately just different things I do that can actually potentially support me in my self development, functionality, practical stability in myself, and my life and also become a part of my living to my fullest potential.

So the point here that I see requires my attention is who I have become in relation to Responsibility or in relation to ‘Resistance’ which I see is very much connected to my Responsibilities where who I have become is someone who has developed a particular pattern/behavior of running from my resistance/responsibilities instead of facing them. Instead of addressing them, understanding them, and also working with them in a way where I can release myself from that resistance experience in relation to them. Its like I have become comfortable and well practiced at taking the path of least resistance and what I have noticed is that I end up distracting myself more and more where this behavior of distraction starts to become a more substantial part of my life to the degree where I am actually limiting myself in who I am and how I direct myself. Interesting – The path of least resistance actually leads to creating more resistance experiences. Or at least in this context I am looking at here. I realize that hiding from my experience, from my responsibilities is not a Solution, and I see that it is a kind of self-manipulation actually because in actually learning to embrace my responsibilities I see that I will develop new skills and new response abilities. I will become more. Instead of just remaining idle, and the same which is where the path of distraction gets you. Nobody wants to just remain the same and idle. People want to change, transform, create, become more, become new, become better. At least I do. So the whole idea of avoiding the chance to do this e.g., avoiding my responsibilities, is Self Manipulation.

So I see I must work with this point so that when I face these moments of resistance that instead of distracting myself, I investigate and practice and learn what the resistance is all about, and what points I am facing and how I can face them and embrace them and Direct Myself to Live to my Utmost potential and purpose. And so this is my commitment for now in facing this point/myself. I commit myself to start facing that resistance experience when it comes up instead of facing the other way and going into distraction. Because look, when I go into dis-traction, I end up with no Traction in my life because I am dis-tracting myself. So here I commit myself to face those Resistance experiences eye to eye so that I can redevelop and recreate myself as my Living Behavior to move from Distraction which is Suppression to Looking and Facing Resistance head on. Not in a fighting way, but in a way where I am willing to face it and walk through it which really means facing and walking the Responsibilities or Points that the Resistance is connected to. This way I support myself to keep my traction, keep my footing, and Keep Grounded so that I moving and living and expressing, something I cannot do if I do not have my feet on the ground and have Traction to move.

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discovering and developing their utmost potentialeqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self PerfectionJourney To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost PotentialDIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self SupportDIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use scrolling through facebook as a way to occupy my attention for a moment, but where this way of occupying my attention is more of just distracting myself instead of being Self Directive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue persisting with allowing myself to distract myself in moments during my day through by grabbing my phone and scrolling through facebook instead of in these moments, taking a breath and remaining Here and Self Present within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to throughout my day go onto facebook and scroll mindlessly as a way to distract myself instead of in such moments BEING SELF DIRECTIVE, where this point of scrolling through facebook has been a way for me to in moments quickly divert my attention away from the point of actually having to make a decision to be SELF DIRECTIVE, where instead of doing this, I will just divert my attention and think that there is no harm in it, when I do this multiple times a day then this starts to add up and accumulate into many minutes, and hours wasted instead of having been Self Present and Self Directive which would be a more effective use of myself.

When and as I see myself experiencing an urge to ‘quickly check my phone’ which in most cases consists of going onto facebook and scrolling around briefly to see if I can entertain myself for a moment, when and as I see this urge come up within me to do this, to stop myself and take a deep breath in and in the in breath, breath myself back into my body as the inhale of the breath and to breath myself back into myself, into my physical body, here and grounded. In these moments, I commit myself to instead of just ‘following the urge’ I commit myself to rather remain here with and as myself and rather spend that time simply being here with myself even if I am just being here for a moment and breathing. I see, realize, and understand that to spend these moments with me will support me in developing my Self Presence, Hereness, and Groundedness. I find when I go onto facebook and go into the application of scrolling around just looking for something to entertain me, I find that I become less grounded as my mind and attention and awareness is focused away from ME and My Hereness, and into my phone and what is going on on the screen where I actually have less awareness of and within myself and so thus I am actually less grounded. And so here I commit myself to work with this point specifically as a point to actually break that acceptance and allowance of aimlessly scrolling on my facebook where this diversion and distraction of self replaces Self Presence, and Self Direction and so here I commit myself to reverse this, and to start assisting and supporting myself to rather practice groundedness and Self Presence through by, instead of following urges to look at my phone, to rather, simply be here with and as breath, for a moment, just being here breathing, and paying attention to my human physical body, my experience of myself, and my surrounding environment within and as a point of Self Awareness.

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Today I was finalizing some points in relation to buying a new car for myself. This has been an interesting process to walk because within myself I have created and defined this point to be ‘quite a big point’ So in defining it this way, I have noticed at times this experience of overwhelmingness trying to come up and then me justifying going into this experience through by weighing “I have a good reason” because “this is such a big point” so “its ok if I go into this point a little bit”. I actually wrote about this point last week as well in terms of me specifically working with this point within myself of where I have seen that I have a tendency to take points/aspects of my life and even just normal daily living, into a ‘stress point’ or where I will attach and connect an entire experience to parts of my life and making the point emotional instead of simply remaining here in and as the physical and simply walking the points practically step by step instead superimposing on top if it, an emotional experience, often where this emotional experience is like unstable where I will become really concerned or worried about something almost out of habit when I could actually just walk the point without going into that worry or concern. So this particular point outlined here I have been working with as I have walked this process of getting the new car and doing all the paper work ect.

Its been interesting because I haven’t actually got that excited about it. I have seen the point of excitement come up, as well as worry, concern, doubt, but I have not went into them. I rather just reminded myself to ‘stay here’ to ‘not go into the emotional aspects of the point which causes a point of instability within my living application.

So I haven’t got to high and haven’t got to low.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go into an emotional experience over the point of getting my new car.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘getting a new car’ as a ‘big point’ and therefore then this should ‘take its toll’ on me where in this I have created an expectation that this will have some sort of overwhelming affect on me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘tire’ (no pun intended) myself out and ‘exhaust’ (no pun intended) myself through by thinking within my mind, where in relation to this current point I am walking with my car, I see the potential for me to actually create an experience of feeling overwhelmed or drained or affected in some way through by how I define and participate with this point within my mind where this entire ‘inner dialogue’ and defining of this point is not necessary and that I can simply walk the point here in and as the physical without creating and participating with the entire emotional experience side of things through by “going into my head about it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “I should be reacting in some way” to this point of getting a new car, because within myself I have defined this point as a ‘big point’ that ultimately will have some emotional affect on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make a big deal out of getting a new car as a way to create ‘something fun’ within my life as a form of escape from the Responsibilities and Substance of what my life really consist of in terms of simply walking and facing myself daily, moment by moment, breath by breath, where this is where my life really exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get excited about getting a new car where this ‘want’ is so that I can escape or distract myself for a moment from who I really am and how I am actually existing day to day, moment to moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a single event in my life ‘important’ and focus my attention there, and in this missing the point that I am actually alive in every single moment, and so to place my value and attention in a single event I see here is being used as a distraction point, where I am taking my attention and awareness off of ALL of the moments in each and every breath that actually constitute the real substance of me and my life, and so thus am implying a form of undermining or disregarding that which is actually the substance of my life which is each and every single moment I am Here, each moment an opportunity to decided who I am within this life and how I will direct/express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and escape from the real substance of my life which is all the moments as each and every breath that I am alive, and that I have not directed myself to stop trying to avoid these moments but to rather embrace them and assist and support myself to live to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid the real substance of my life which is all the little moments as each and every breath that constitute my life, because facing these moments is facing me, and challenging me to take responsibility for the entirety of myself in thought, word and deed, and to do this is ‘hard work’ and not ‘the path of least resistance’ and so instead of actually supporting myself to utilize this real substance of my life to assist and support myself to transform myself from a self destructive being to one who supports all life within the context of what is best for all, I have accepted myself to hide from this by constantly….and I mean it takes a CONSTANT Diversion because I am alive literally every single moment and so I have to then find distraction after distraction to take my attention off of me here as who and how I am existing in each and every moment and placing it onto something else so that I do not actually have to direct myself and take responsibility for myself, and so I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to hide from myself by diverting my attention onto the various events within my life such as buying a new car, where I will use this as a distraction from having to face myself which is indicating that I must actually sit down with myself and STOP, and realign myself to HERE, to Living and Walking HERE with and as myself assisting and supporting myself to be and become stable within and as myself as who and how I am living and directing me and existing as in each and every moment/breath I am alive/here.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that in by wanting to constantly divert my attention away from myself as who and how I am existing in every moment is implying that I am not at all satisfied with myself otherwise Id be fine to be here with and as myself and would not need to constantly be looking for distractions to ‘occupy my attention’ so that this attention that is me does not come back to me here alone as who I am and how I am existing as as the core and crux of myself

When and as I see myself taking moments within my life and ‘wanting to make a big deal out of them’ so that they then can become a distraction or diversion for me to then place my attention on these points instead of remaining HERE within and as Myself with and as my Self Attention In Every Moment, When and as I see myself diverting my attention in this way I immediately stop and take a breath. I realize that Real Value must be established in and as Myself where I stand as the Source for this Value and thus it remain here as myself no matter what, no matter what I am doing, no matter who I am with where then this becomes the real substance of me and my life where I no more need and require and want to make external events that where I derive and attempt to generate value.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to practice establishing Value in and as myself where this becomes Who I am in every breath, not something I attempt to temporarily generate through various events within my life. I see, realize, and understand that I am able to support myself to establish Value as Me or establish ME in and as myself as the source of my Value through by living in alignment with principles that best for all and aligned with living/existing in a way that is Supportive for myself and others within a point of equality and oneness.

A point that I have noticed over the last few weeks is that I am always wanting something to occupy me or stimulate my mind. So for instance when I am at work I have often been listening to audio interviews as I work. But I have noticed that this is more of a ‘want’ from the perspective of where I will ‘not want to work’ without it.

Or when I am in the car, I want to listen to music while I drive. Or if I eat dinner, I want to watch something while I eat. Or if I sit down to draw, I want to listen to something while I draw. And so from my perspective what I see within this is actually a need and desire to be occupied, stimulated and distracted instead of simply being HERE within the task at hand without the need or want to include some distraction or occupation point. The question obviously is – why am I not engaged or occupied by the actual thing I am doing?

Within this I see that I have lost touch with myself in a way because there is like this need to be stimulated all the time where I find, and have de-FINeD myself as boring and so I cannot for instance just sit there and eat a meal with myself because there is this boredom that come up. Or more accurately there is this appetite of the mind that is like constantly wanting to be fed.

Overall I have identified this tendency as the further occupation of the mind where one throughout their life has bit by bit entered more into the mind and the inner realities of the mind which eventually consume the individual and act as a kind of alternate reality that one would rather exist within than simply be here within and as the simplicity of the physical.

So within this I also realize that I must move myself to embrace these ‘moments of silence’ if you will. Doing this deliberately as a point of supporting myself ‘return to myself’ so to speak and to stop accepting and allowing myself to just move into those points of distraction without for a moment stopping and really looking at what is actually going on because it is like within this I haven’t stopped and considered actually deliberately stopping this so to actually spend some time with just myself and in a way to brave the boredom so to speak, but that I have instead just allow myself to constantly and continuously feed the appetite of the mind to be stimulated.

So from here I simply see this as a point for me to work on in terms Directing myself to purposely stop ‘feeding the mind’ in this way but to allow myself to pause for a moment, when that moment of boredom come up – to in that moment pause and breathe and be here and stop that automated movement of fleeing into the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despise reality and to rather instead want fantasy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at my reality because it is not AMAZING, like the experience I feel when I watch how reality is portrayed on TV and Movies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to bother working with Actual reality, because it does not give me the same feelings as i get when I watch TV and so I distance myself from real reality and moving my attention more into the fake reality portrayed in media, even though this is obviously ludicrous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge actual reality and to within this, resist it, instead of actually moving myself into alignment with what is real as actual reality and how it really exist and actually developing relationships that are real, based on the real reality of life instead of accepting and allowing myself to just want “things to be perfect” like is displayed in pictures in media and Hollywood, and also now like what I have display in my own mind as my personal Hollywood moving picture fantasy of how I want reality to be, where despite existing within this fantasy reality my whole life, Real Reality has never yielded to resemble this mental/fantasy reality, and so the more I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within my mental/fantasy Hollywood reality, the more I have separated myself from real reality and thus have become less and less effective and functional in Real Physical Reality because I have not wanted anything to do with it. And so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to even try and participate within real reality where I have defined this as “Just to Hard” or “Difficult” because when I do participate in it, it is nothing like the mental reality of hollywood and media which is NOT REAL, yet, I have allowed myself to still ‘want’ this over existing in the Actual reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to insist on existing within my own version of reality that I construct within my own mind, instead of aligning myself with becoming effective in Actual Reality in terms of how things actually work and function.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Direct myself to move myself into alignment with Actual Reality, even though this real reality is nothing like the version of reality I have created/constructed in my own mind based on Hollywood and media where I commit myself to stop trying to make Real Reality out to be like Hollywood or the fantasy reality I have created within my mind, but to rather focus on how things actually function even though this is not like the pretty picture we all want it to and try to make it out to be.

I commit myself to realize that Real Reality never have the ‘fuzzy feelings’ that one get from participating with Fake Hollywood Realities within their minds, and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to approach facing Reality from the starting point of not expecting it to or needing it to be in any way like the fantasy reality I have created in my mind or see on TV.