adulting is optional here

I’m Bad At Adulting

When I was a kid, I thought I would automatically know when I was a bonafide grown-up.

I also thought my insides were made of cogs and wheels, but that’s a different post for a different day. Back to the adult thing…

Chronologically, I’m considered an adult, but I’m still waiting for that magical moment when I feel like a grown up. I hope by the time that ah-ha moment hits, I’ll be better at this adulting gig. For now, I’m just going to own my shit and tell you ten reasons I’m bad at adulting. Here we go.

I CAN’T STAY ON TOPIC
I digress regularly. It can take me ten minutes to tell a two-minute story. Occasionally I digress from a digression. I’ve been known to stray so far that I can’t even remember what I was talking about in the first place.

I’M BAD AT MAILING THINGS
I’m horrible at mailing things because I hate the post office. I have to leave my house, and I have to talk to people while there. Two things I seriously don’t like doing. I also never check my mail. If it’s important, they’ll call, right?

I DON’T ANSWER MY PHONE
I do, however, screen my calls. I also don’t ever call anyone. I never had a phone phobia when I was younger, but sometime over the course of my life, I’ve developed an unnatural anxiety about talking to people on the phone. I’m not sure when it happened because my younger self couldn’t get enough phone time. My mother can verify this.

I DON’T ANSWER MY DOOR
I never answer my door. Even when the UPS man leaves a package, I wait for him to leave before I open the door to retrieve the package. I just don’t want to have to deal with the stranger on the other side. I don’t know what their agenda is. They could be a serial murderer looking for their next victim. It could be someone looking for a sex slave to keep in their basement. There’s a possibility I watch too much Investigation Discovery.

I’M BAD AT TEXTING
I’m okay at reading them; I just don’t always remember to respond. I don’t do this on purpose, and it isn’t personal. Sometimes I’m busy and can’t answer right then. Sometimes I may need some time to decide what answer I want to give. Almost every time, I forget to reply. And when I do reply, I often forget to hit send.

I NEVER CHECK MY CAR’S GAS GAUGE
Sparky always takes care of this for me, so I got out of the habit of looking at it. This lack of adulting recently led to a panicked situation where my car informed me I could only go a maximum of 36 miles on the remaining gas. Sparky had told me the night before that he was sorry, but he didn’t have time to put gas in my car, and I was going to have to do it in the morning before I took Zane to Bellevue. Did I remember this? Nope! Because I suck at being an adult.

I’M BAD AT DOING LAUNDRY
I would be content to live out of a laundry basket until the end of time. I’m not even ashamed or sorry about this. It’s pure laziness, and I’m owning it. I also don’t wash my laundry until it’s absolutely necessary. I take care of Sparky’s, which is sort of adulty of me, but I screw myself over regularly in the clean clothing department.

I REFUSE TO TAKE GROWN-UP VITAMINS
Those damn things are huge. They also stink and taste awful. Children’s gummy vitamins are more my thing. I prefer Frozen gummy multivitamins and Li’l Critters D3 gummy vitamins. It’s like eating candy every morning. Why can’t grown-up vitamins be this yummy?

I PROCRASTINATE PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING
For example, I put off decorating for Thanksgiving for so long, it never happened. The box of decorations just sat in the corner mocking me. You would think it would motivate me to do better with the Christmas decorations, but you would be wrong. I never finished putting all of them out. I did undecorate in a decent timeframe, but the naked trees are still standing all around the house. I’m not quite done procrastinating the trees yet.

I SUCK AT REMEMBERING DATES & PHONE NUMBERS
The only birthdays I remember on time are those of my kids and husband. I know several people’s birthdays, but I never remember them on time. And I don’t know ANY phone numbers. Not even my kid’s numbers. When I was in high school, I knew EVERYONE’S phone number, but I’ve never been good at dates. I don’t think I’ll ever remember them. Not even if I achieve ‘Feeling Like An Adult’ status.

And now you know ten reasons I’m bad at adulting!

And just for good measure, I bought this book on one of my Value Village adventures just to make sure I maintain a proper immaturity level.