John Edwards Is a Sad, Sad Barhopper

It's been a while since we've had a depressing look at John Edwards' depressing life. So thanks to the New Republic for this hot update, about how Edwards just wanders to bars every night, dancin' with grad students.

The story opens with an anecdote from an April night, when John Edwards finished his dinner and wanted to go to some bar in Durham, North Carolina. He loves going to bars now! But the bar he headed to that night was, sadly, booked by a private party of Duke public policy grad students having their end-of-the-semester "Prom." The students decided to let this sad sack in, however, because apparently, before having affairs and illegitimate children was his full-time job, he was involved in public policy.

Edwards stayed for two hours, leaving around midnight. He drank white wine and light beer, according to multiple attendees. After a while, Edwards made his way to the dance floor. "He was kind of uncomfortably dancing," Jentgen says. "He was just happy to be with people who weren't going to judge him." Edwards cut loose, dancing to everything from salsa to Wreckx-n-Effect's 1992 rap hit "Rump Shaker."

Oh god this could not be more depressing.

On a given night, he might pop up at The Federal, a dimly lit Durham dive bar, or The Wooden Nickel, a bar in nearby Hillsborough that features "Club 69"-an honor bestowed on patrons who consume at least one drink from every bottle behind the bar. ("Club 69" members have their portraits engraved on hand-carved wooden plaques lining the wall.)

This poorly researched article does not tell us whether Edwards is a member of "Club 69," regrettably.

What else? Oh, he wants to do more charity work for poor people, yadda yadda yadda.