Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Big, Bad Wolf.......

This used to be an almost daily sight to me. I always had wine on hand. I loved the elegance of holding a glass of wine. It made me feel pretty, smart, sophisticated, and I knew the rich dark liquid that it held would make me feel even prettier, smarter, and more sophisticated. LIE I stopped by parent's house on the way home last night to say "HI" and visit with their darling doggy, and my mother brought up the subject that Diane Sawyer had just done a report on the rise of alcoholism in wine drinkers. I could totally understand why. I mean let's face it in every magazine, TV adds, TV shows, wine has become the new standard. You get the message that you are hip, successful, and have arrived if you meet your friends out for a glass of wine. (I never got the "a" glass part right) I mean how easily accessible. You can hit Target or even Walgreens, pick up what you need, and grab a bottle of wine as you are headed out the door. At our Walgreen's the wine is located right across from the pain reliever section. (rather ironic I believe) I do not blame our culture for my alcoholism, no one ever forced it down my throat, but in some ways it reminds me of Little Red Riding Hood. Just like the big bad wolf dressed up like grandma, that fabulous glass of wine isn't going to tell you that it's contents are cunning, baffling, and powerful. It will wait until it lures you in and then it will feed your head with all the things you want to hear. I know, I was seduced by wine for many years. I know people who still are, and I see people being sucked in on a daily basis. It's like an oderless gas, you can't tell when it's around but it will kill you.

That's the seriousness of the disease. We can laugh, make little jokes, remember a time when we did something totally crazy (although it wasn't crazy at the time) but the true nature of the beast is destruction. I hear about alcoholics whose children are alcoholics, or how they have watched a love one die to alcoholism, or how all their siblings are also alcholics. It just keeps seeping, quietly creeping in and around our lives. So how do you beat this? How do you keep one step ahead of the game? With discipline. When I first heard about discipline in a meeting I thought they were referring to just 'not drinking'. It wasn't until later that I realized alcoholics need discipline in all they do. I need it for my daily meditation with God, my constant interaction with mankind, making meetings, working the steps, turning my will over to God, being accountable for my actions and choices. Discipline can help us stay focused, it gives us a guideline for living. I never realized how out of control and undisciplined I was before I came to the program. Discipline also makes me take care of myself and if I do these things it gives me a very priceless gift in return: the ability to live a life without alcohol. I no longer fear the "big, bad, Wolf" I'm not waiting to get suckered in any more. I no longer have to see the big teeth, or ears, or eyes of alcohol to be aware of the dangers I'm messing with. I can look at a glass of red wine and no that it's promises are lies, and haven't I spent enough time lying to myself .......

4 comments:

Discipline is what I found in Alanon that I did not learn growing up around alcohol. It helps me too even though I fight it sometimes. I totally agree about society and wine now. It is subtle. Good post!

About this blog

“The Lord is with you when you are with Him. If you seek Him, He will be found by you, but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you….Be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” 2 Chron. 15:2,7

About Me

At 43 I'm done. Done with the excuses of why I can't loose weight. Done with liking myself yet hating to pass in front of a mirror. Out of shape, nutritionally bankrupt, and desperately seeking weight control sanity. Blogging helped me stay sober, and hopefully it will help me shut my mouth....