CRINGE: Drake – “Headlines”

So, you’ve just started listening to hip-hop. You have a few Odd Future releases? Good. What about ‘The Chronic’ and the ‘The Blueprint’? Brilliant. A+. Bravo. Now all you need to do is claim to ironically like Drake and you’re officially whiter than Belle & Sebastian’s secret recorder (what, you have’t heard their cover of ‘Three Blind Mice’?) player.

Nah ‘bro’, I’m just ‘styling’ on you, now ‘imma’ be ‘real’ for a bit – ‘real talk’ now, ‘brah’. Drake’s debut effort, ‘Thank Me Later’, was a pretty good album, even if his rhyming style left a lot to be desired. That’s why you could be forgiven for believing the hype regarding his second LP – ‘Take Care’, don’t you know? – and getting psyched for the first video off that collection of songs ordered in a manner believed to be complimentary to the sounds and noises which make up said songs. It’s up there! Probably.

Pretty standard pop-rap fare, we should at least be grateful he hasn’t reinvited himself with wonky beats and a Supreme box logo. In other news, me and Drake share a birthday. We’re basically best friends, so if you say anything mean about him I’ll tell him and his big brother will totally fucking break your legs.