Archive for July, 2011

For every uplifting movie that inspires you to get out of the house, start working out, figure out decoding, eat better, and do math problems that equal 23…there’s those movies that un-inspire. The ones that drain you, or just make your laziness kick into high gear – I wouldn’t suggest watching these if you need to get shit done.

10. 300 – This isn’t about the idea of battle against an enemy, overcoming odds, or defending your home. This is about getting those abs. You watch it the first time and think, “Damn, I need to workout more.” Then you realize your stomach will never look like that. Even worse when you find out that theirs didn’t either…

9. Pirates of the Caribbean – This goes for pretty much any franchise (Star Wars would fit here too) that cable stations love to play back-to-back-to-back. You sit down, flip on the tv for just something in the background while you work on curing cancer…and 6 and a half hours later, you’re making popcorn during the commercial break of the 3rd installment. Just ask Michael Bolton, its hard to think of anything else.

8. Meet Joe Black – Not that there’s anything wrong with this movie…its just so damn long! Try watching this, or something like Avatar, and your afternoon is gone.

7. Pineapple Express – Insert basically any “stoner comedy” here. There’s things about weed that can help you write, play music, and be creative. But, there’s also that side of weed that makes you sit on the couch doing absolutely nothing productive.

6. Big – Forget that Wilma Flintstone has sex with a minor, technically. How many of us watched this as a kid and wanted the job where you play with toys all day? The job you’re doing doesn’t look so fun to do right now does it?

5. The Road – For as happy and fun as the last two categories were…this one is all about depression. Children of Men would have the same effect. You see a world that is so damn bleak – then sit back and look at what you need to do like what’s the point?

4. The Big Lebowski – This one is really centered on the character “the Dude”. Just wanting to be that cool as shit guy that sits around in his robe, and the most you get done in the day is a good afternoon at the bowling alley.

3. The Matrix – This fits under multiple categories. It has the sequels that FX and TBS will keep playing all weekend on repeat. But, then it also gets in your head. If you’re looking for any excuse not to do that TPS report…you’ll start believing this isn’t the ‘real world’. Where is my red pill?

2. Office Space – If you’ve ever worked (or are working) a dead-end job, watch this movie. It so perfectly illustrates the problems with working in a corporate world. All the characters who actually do their work and really try at their jobs get screwed over, the guy that decides to play Tetris gets a promotion. And, the guy that commits arson gets a vacation. Fuckin’ A.

1. Fight Club – All those problems with #2…this is the movie that attacks them. All I have to do is quote this movie and the things around you will look a lot less important…

“This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”
“Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you, never wanted you, and in all probability, he HATES you. It’s not the worst thing that can happen.”
“We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact.”

For those that don’t know, I have worked in radio for about 8 years now. I like to think that I keep up with the latest music. I love anything with a distortion guitar. I used to be pretty closed-minded to where that’s all I would listen to, but opened up to appreciate rap, pop, techno, acoustic, and such (except country, my grandma listens to country, fuck country) ((Garth Brooks and Johnny Cash are ok))

Anyway…back to my point. I’m trying to keep up with the latest music and what’s coming out, and I notice more and more that I’m adding less and less new rock music to my library. With rap, I’m good, I’ve got tons of new stuff, Bad Meets Evil, Tyler the Creator, Kreayshawn, Nicki Minaj, etc… The radio station I work for keeps me updated with plenty of pop and top 40 with stuff like Katy Perry and One Republic. But, there’s no good rock music. I mean REAL rock music.

I scanned the Billboard charts. There’s a bunch of stuff from bands I grew up with. Foo Fighters (a band from the 90′s!) has 2 of the top 10 songs. Seether, Rise Against, Avenged Sevenfold, Incubus – all good bands, but none of them are new. Where are the rock bands of this decade? We’re a year and a half into the 10′s and there are 2 bands on this chart that fit the bill of rock band – Adelitas Way and Art of Dying. Cage the Elephant has a few good rock songs also, but they came up at the end of the 00′s.

Now if you go look at the charts yourself, you may question me and say there are another 5-6 bands of this decade. Those aren’t rock bands. Sorry, this isn’t to say they aren’t good, just not a rock band. The Naked and Famous, Mumford and Sons, Foster the People – besides having 3-worded names – those are all just chill bands. They don’t pump your adrenaline, no one is using these for their entrance music to a fight, and I’m not going to press down harder on the gas pedal.

So while I try not to be as resentful as Henry Rollins, I still just want something badass to listen to once in a while.

Seriously, how awesome was the year 1999? Its just been something that I keep thinking about lately when I look around at how our world is now, and what is happening in pop culture. Starting out with the amazing movies that came out; Fight Club, American Beauty, the Green Mile, Eyes Wide Shut, Office Space, Boondock Saints. The Matrix blew everyone’s minds away, where now it only gets remembered for its sequels, M. Night was the next big thing with the 6th Sense. Although, George Lucas was about to prove that he was full of shit and ruin most everyone’s childhoods in April of that year.

For those that hadn’t started driving to the theaters yet, we still had awesome TV shows with debuts from the Sopranos, Family Guy, and the West Wing. We still got to watch Michael J. Fox for one more year on Spin City. We did have to say goodbye to shows like NewsRadio, Home Improvement, and Doug.

Even the music industry brought the awesome that year. We were finally able to use the artist-formally-known-as-Prince song to its exact specifications. Napster launched, which completely changed the way we get our music. Britney Spears was hot as hell and still possibly a virgin. White people were allowed to listen to rap music when Eminem got unleashed on the world. We didn’t care when Dr. Dre’s “Detox” would finally drop, because we had “2001” to listen to. John Frusciante rejoined the Chilli Peppers to release Californication (arguably the best RHCP album). Travis Barker had joined Blink 182. Slipknot released their debut album. *its cool because I lived in Iowa*

Phillip J. Fry was still delivering pizzas while the Clinton administration had the country at tip top economic status despite impeachment and blowjobs. The US dollar was still pretty badass compared to this new “Euro” scam. Sarah Palin was only relevant to Alaskans. Dubya was hanging out in Texas.

Jesse Ventura was an actor-in-Predator-turned-governor that DIDN’T fuck the help. And, if you were into pro-wrestling…it was a hell of a year for that too. We didn’t call the Rock – Dwayne Johnson. WCW still existed. Stone Cold Steve Austin was the baddest man on the planet. Owen Hart, Chris Benoit, Big Boss Man, Test, Kanyon, Eddie Guerrero, and Randy Savage were all still in the ring.

I’m a Denver Broncos fan, so I had the awesome experience of seeing John Elway finish his career with a 2nd Superbowl win. The city of Cleveland got its NFL team back – they are still waiting to celebrate. Not much has changed in the NBA…they had a lockout then too. It would be the last time we’d see Gretzky on ice. Baseball was slightly more exciting because of the home run race between Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. I’m sure something happened in tennis, soccer and golf that year, I mean, I know Tiger was still good and all.

Best of all…we didn’t have to deal with “emo”, skinny jeans, crocs, and auto-tune.