First RBM thought it was a rumor, then we thought it was a publicity stunt. But at the premiere of his latest film, Two Lovers, Joaquin Phoenix confirmed his retirement. From the AP:

“I think it’s just moving on. It’s rediscovering something else,” said Phoenix, 34, said in an interview with Associated Press Television News before Saturday’s American Film Institute festival, which also premiered “Che,” starring Benicio Del Toro.

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“It’s like greener pastures, you know what I mean?” Phoenix said Saturday. “And so, I’m just going to try and like, I’ll just be doing the other thing. … Hopefully, I will emotionally impact you with that, as well.”

Joaquin hasn’t really put out any work I’ve dug in awhile, not really since Gladiator. He was okay in We Own the Night, but didn’t really convince me as a scarred nightclub-owner-turned-vengeful-cop. So this news doesn’t really affect me in any way (but if Mark Wahlberg retires, I’m taking a mental health day). Also, the NYPost ran an article stating that his friends are worried about his drinking and drug use. That type of shit is good for your music career, knuckleheads! You should be encouraging it!

PS: One of our correspondents told me to check out Phoenix’s IMDB page…which lists no movies in the works. Case closed. Wait a tick, neither does Casey Affleck’s IMDB page! Dammit! Maybe he’s producing Phoenix’s album. Or they’ll come out with albums on the same day and make a bet over who will sell more and the loser has to retire from music. Then what’ll they fall back on?

Here’s the trailer for the documentary Reclaiming the Sword, featuring Viggo Mortenson and Bob “Guy in the Darth Vader Suit” Anderson. I went to college with a kid named James who did his senior thesis on rapiers. While I was hunched over hagiography texts in the library, James was choreographing a sword fight and practicing his British accent. While I was sweating at the podium, delivering a lecture on the life of Saint Sebastian, he was watching Errol Flynn movies. He got more tail than me.

See, this is what a country gets to do when it doesn’t have a fucked up economy or blow billions of dollars on wars; it gets to spend money on converting cartoons into reality. From the Times Online:

In an attempt to inject “the most inventive possible thinking” into Japan, representatives of many of its most august universities are to become a “virtual faculty” of the Gundam Academy — the first academic institution based on a cartoon.

Next year dozens of engineers, astrophysicists, doctors, anthropologists, linguists — even town planners — will begin discussing how to convert the science-fiction series Gundam, created by Yoshiyuki Tomino, 66, into reality.

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If they are successful, the founders of the project told The Times, institutions and companies across Japan could embark on new fields of research: everything from the perfection of a universal translation device to moon settlements and the construction of a mega-particle cannon.

What the hell is going on in that country? Their girls dress like paper dolls and their scientists are inspired by an anime to build the craziest shit ever. Why can’t our scientists take this approach? Americans could attend Whatsamatta U, commuters could ride ACME Rocket Skates to work, and our children could play with LOG.

Les Justiciers Masques, a Quebec comedy duo notorious for prank calls to celebrities and heads of state, has reached Sarah Palin, convincing the Republican vice-presidential nominee she was speaking with French President Nicolas Sarkozy.

“Heroes,” produced by Universal Media Studios, has struggled in the ratings its third season. It’s understood that Alexander and Loeb were let go because of Peacock execs’ frustration with the creative direction of the show. The show is also said to have been grappling with hefty budget overruns this season, that are going well beyond its already sizable $4 million per-seg pricetag.