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Monday, January 31, 2011

I used to have a shirt that said that...and even though that was at least a good 12 years ago that I had that shirt, I still think the sentiment rings true. Now I suppose that the people I am talking about in this particular instance aren't exactly "mean" in the true sense of the word, but at the very least they are guilty of being rude and untactful...which to me is usually just as bad as mean.

I haven't told a huge amount of people at work, just a few that I have known a while. You get such mixed responses but in particular I knew this one lady would be open minded and not judgemental, and she wasn't. However one girl a few cubicles over heard us discussing me and weight loss etc. She didn't hear about the surgery, but anyways I was talking about how I feel like I look a lot older when I am heavier. She decides to pipe in and say "that's bull... weight has nothing to do with how old you look!" and I say let me show you what I mean. I pull out a pic of me approximately 3 years old. She says I look sixteen in the pic.... I WAS 23!!!! I tell her that and she is like, " well thats like 6 years old, that's not really a good comparison" I tell her that no it was only 3 years ago and she goes, then tells me she thought I was AT LEAST 30...

so... there went my self esteem for the day. Not that I think that 30 is a bad age, in fact I look forward to 30, but to be told you look an age you aren't yet sucks balls. And for her to say that weight doesn't effect how old you look is total bull. Just looking through the message board I frequent you can see how much younger people look in their after pics and how much happier they look.

I feel frumpy enough most days as it is, and really wish that she would have kept her mouth shut and not hopped into the conversation like she did.

On a happier note... I finished my new scarf... and thought you would like to put a face to a name...so here is me and my new scarf :) Don't mind me... i look a bit rough...been sick all weekend

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Something that should have been simple turned into quite the adventure. I had all the money I needed for my deposit... well sorta.

HR at my job messed up my direct deposit, so come payday I didn't get my paycheck. They gave me a paycard, but i couldn't pay the deposit via credit. The paycard also came with a way to write a check to yourself. So I did that and figured Friday when I get off work early I could just run to the bank, deposit it and get my money order to send off. Easy enough right?

Actually no. My old bank that I have been with for 10 years WOULD NOT cash it because I didn't have matching funds in the account. They informed me there would be a 3 day hold on it and the bitch at the counter was giving me a look like she didn't believe it was a real check...despite the instructions on the front of it to CALL ADP and verify it.

So then... I drive over to the new bank we had switched to (the reason I put in new direct deposit info to work). Since I haven't even had the account for 30 days there would be a 7 day hold...but at least they were more polite to me at that bank. A lady behind me in line suggested I run to Amscot across the street. Finally I get someone to cash the damn check...it winds up costing me 18 dollars mind you... but at that point I had no choice. I needed to get everything into them by 2/4.

So Saturday morning we got the paperwork notarized at the bank then sent everything off at the post office via priority. I was relieved, excited, and over all still in shock that this all is actually going to happen in May.

This week Madi and I are going to put in for our passports... good news and FYI if you need to travel to Mexico for your surgery... you can get a passport card instead of the book for wayyyy cheaper. Since I don't plan on traveling to Europe anytime soon this is a good option for now since I need to pinch pennies. 30 bucks for me (since I am doing a name change it costs the same as for a renewal), and 55 for Madi's since she has never had a passport.

Once the tax return is in my account I am getting our flights booked.

Still left to do:

-Find second job to build savings back up Been applying like crazy, calling the local places I put in apps to tomorrow.-Purchase post-op supplies looking into either Isopure, or Profect from Bariatric Advantage for the first week post op, still haven't figured out what to do for protien shakes but im leaning toward soy since I have lactose intolerance which equals lots of gas, and I imagine, lots of discomfort.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

So my $500 deposit gets sent off tomorrow to beliteweight. I already had this amount from part of my last 2 paychecks. I was a tiny bit nervous that I would not get enough back on our income tax return to cover the down payment. Of course as it always seems to happen I received the last form I needed to file my taxes in the mail today.

$3007

Just enough to cover it :)

I am having it direct deposited into savings so it can stay there safely. I feel relieved, and still in shock that things are working out for this to happen.

Tomorrow I am going to work for 4 hours, then it's off to the bank to take care of getting the forms notarized and getting a money order, from there that reserves my date and my medical loan.

Next stop--passports and plane tickets!

Tomorrow evening I am having a Pure Romance Party. Will be fun to have a night with the girls and I am more than ready for it with this off my mind!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Last night I got a target gift card from my bank (part of their rewards program), so I headed there last nigth and got myself a new planner for 2011. I enjoy having a planner and tend to use it to right down both work related and personal stuff. I already know I am going to need to keep track of my eating and meal times post surgery, but I also want to track my emotions so I become more aware of my eating habits in relation to them. Maybe just the simple act of tracking them will help trigger me to question why I think I am hungry.I found a cute little leatherette type one with stylish little ruffles on the strap closure and thought it suited me. It is a weekly one and I think it has sufficient space to track in it.

Last night was mostly good except I got a notice for jury duty in February. :( I am pretty sure my work does not compensate me if I have to serve so I am going to attempt to at least postpone having to do it. I honestly would like to go if I wouldn't take a huge hit in the wallet.

Come next month I need to be working at two jobs, not making 15 bucks a day at jury duty. Yep, it may only last a day, but I rather not have to take the chance. I looked at my little tracker... 3 months 2 weeks and a day til surgery. I know this time will "fly" by but it totally feels like it is dragging. I just want to be on the other side, so I can believe this is actually happening.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I found this image on Transitional Invariance, a fellow sleever's blog. It shows some of the issues that are resolved many times after bariatric surgery. This made me smile. I really do feel that this will improve my quality of life.

I was talking to my mom about the surgery yesterday and she is slowly becoming more and more supportive of me. She even agreed to keep it a secret from my aunts and I know not gossiping is hard for her lol. I really appreciate that she is respecting my decision to do this and respecting my privacy as well. Heck, she said she even is thinking about going for the surgery. I just worry about her going though. She is going to be 63 this year. I am very protective of my mom especially after my dad died back when I was 18. I rather I go for the surgery first and then later she goes after a thorough checking out. If she waits a couple more years maybe medicare might even pay for some of the costs. I should check into that for her.

I am getting antsy about doing our tax return. I am still waiting on the form from my school and am slightly scared that the amount we get back won't cover the down payment for the surgery like we planned. I love to worry so I am trying not to. I am thinking positive. Everything else is falling into place to make this happen...and so will the money as well as finding a second job.

I am probably booking the flights and taking care of mine and madi's passports whenever we do get the taxes back (she will pay me as soon as she gets a job and I honestly do trust her word and that she will be able to find something soon).

Last night at the store I saw some hello kitty toddler plate sets... freaking adorable. I am going to look around before buying my stuff for after surgery.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

This weekend was pretty uneventful, but great. One of my friends has been down from South Dakota so I had a 3 day weekend and spent time with her. We went and indulged in yarn on Thursday afternoon and have been knitting the whole weekend! Okay, yes we are nerds, but that is how we get down! :P

I finished on and a half socks and 1/8 of a scarf. She finished a full pair and a hat.

Friday we picked up my other friend and had a girls' day. Ate at this little German cafe that I love (delicious but light meals that fill you up) then walked up the main street to the used bookstore next door as well as the art gallery and a couple shops.It was really nice spending time with two of my best friends.

Some other things I did were look into supplements etc and my pre-op diet. From what the guide says for it, I am pretty sure I can use what I have left from Medifast for my pre-op diet. So my pre-op plan to start May 1 ( i was told I only need to do 1 week, but am going to do 10 days)

approx 4-5 medifast meals a day and 1-2 meals of chicken and broccoli. I can totally do that for 10 days and want to ensure I prep myself for surgery the best I can.

Since other changes need to be made before then as well, I am going to ween myself off soda starting in April. I am a pretty casual cigarette smoker, but that too is going to be going away. Honestly I never had a huge problem with not smoking before and cigarette packs are getting expensive so I am not stressing about this one as much as I am soda lol.

Also doing some digging around for stuff about emotional eating and binge eating disorder to better arm myself and start trying to change my habits and coping mechanisms.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Setting the date and preparing to pay my deposit is making all this very real. In a way its awesome! But it is also scary as hell!

I don't like to ever feel unprepared so the prep work is starting now. 3 months and 3 weeks out.

I found a WLS meetup group off of meetup.com and although I have not yet had the surgery I signed up and registered for their next support night. I have to say I am slightly nervous about meeting them. I am not sure if any of them did surgery out of country, but I am a little nervous of being judged about doing my surgery in Mexico. It's not that I care what they might think, but it will suck if the group feels unsupportive based on that. I will most certainly update after I go (feb 7).

I am also trying to research vitamins and supplements I will need post- surgery as well as planning out the pre-op diet I need to be on. Fail to plan and you plan to fail!

Other things that still need to be done are:

Update passport with married name (get a certified copy of my marriage license)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

So the medical questionnaire was approved and my date is set. So I will have my Gastric Sleeve done on...

*drumroll*

May 11th(3 months, 3 weeks, and a day away)

So many emotions are running through me right now from excited and anxious to nervous and slightly scared of the unknowns, but I know I set out on this journey for a reason. Most my friends and relatives think I am stupid for doing this but I have faith that it will all work out. I feel that if things weren't meant to happen and I wasn't MEANT to have the surgery, then stuff would not be lining up and working out as it is right now.

Overall I am very excited and for the first time in a long time I feel hope about becoming healthier and no longer being a fat girl.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Paperwork has been submitted to financing. I am working with Beliteweight with coordinating surgery and using their in house financing. They gave me the thumbs up and said everything is looking good with it.

Completed medical questionnaire and it is waiting approval from the doctor.

Tentatively it appears surgery will be on May 11th, barring any issues popping up. (I am knocking on wood). Excited to get info regarding the pre-op diet etc.

My husband, while supportive is still a bit nervous because I suppose he didn't expect that we would be able to get this process moving as fast as it is moving. He asked me to check in with my primary care doctor and to make him feel better I will. I am hesitant about getting "their opinion" as I am worried that as soon as I say my surgeon is out of the country it will turn completely negative. I might try discussing the surgery and trying to get their "opinion" before saying...oh by the way my surgeon is in Mexico. But it is important to set up some post op follow up with my own doctor I think. As long as she is on board.

My doctors office is heavily trying to push the HCG diet on patients and I am sorry but injecting or taking extra hormones isn't necessarily any better than removing part of my stomach, so I do not want to hear their pitch on it again as a alternative to surgery. My mind is made up, and while I have done tons of research I continue to do more, and it only further convinces me that this is the right decision for myself.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Ah the dreaded intro where you awkwardly introduce yourself to the world wide web. My name is Jenn and I am currently fat. I know some people cringe at such a "cruel" word, but lets face it... that is something that I have in surplus right now. I won't waste a bunch of time saying how I was raised to clean your plate off, could eat whatever until I hit puberty, and am in a very Italian family which just brewed a recipe for disaster. Shit happens, people lose control and fuck up. What matters is that you refuse to quit until you get it right.

Which brings me to why I am here. My most recent journey has led me to seek out weight loss surgery. I know many people still very much consider it "the easy way out" and even more will expect me to gain everything back that I do happen to lose. I won't sit here and make a promise that it will never happen...that I won't at some point have to re-lose pounds that I lost before. But I am going to fucking try. I certainly won't be giving up easily.

I am 26 years old, 5'0 and 265.8 lbs. I was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and I get knee and back pain a LOT. Is this the easy way out? No...I really don't think so. But right now I feel that after lots of research and even more research and thought that right now this is what I need to do to shove me back in the right direction.

I am going to be going for a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. Another factor of huge concern for those that care about me is the fact that I am having it done in Mexico. Tijuana to be exact. I know many mean well, but please if you are concerned for me, or thing I am not thinking this through, please just keep it to yourself and hope that everything goes okay with the surgery. Please trust that I am not an idiot and make sure to thoroughly check out anything and everything that I can before diving into something.

As far as my surgery date, this hasn't been set yet. however I will be sure to update you when it is. Tentatively I am looking at late April/early May for the surgery so that I can get what I need to in order before I go. Since a large part of this journey will probably be dealing with my mind and not just my stomach, I wanted to start this blog. Not only to document my progress but to be as candid as I can about my journey, my struggles, and my successes.