It kills me that people have the time/energy/motivation for something like this when I often can't even muster up the energy to wave my dog away from the poop she's eating. Jesus Christ, Internet. What are you on? And where can I get it? (And do you accept bitcoin?)

Of course, this epic journey began on Kickstarter, and now ends two years later with an actual translation. The paperback of this novelty weirdness will set you back $40, but the hardcover, laser-printed full-color edition of the translation is 200 buckaroos. If I may function as a parental figure for just one second: If you buy that novelty garbage for $200, I will beat you upside the head with it.