Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

I am sorry to hear about your feeling about the appearance of his penis.

If you have never discussed this, and it inhibit your sexual relationship and trying to reconcile this within your self will not be successful.

There is much more to a person that the appearance of their sex organ - Focus on those thing first and then have a calm conversation with your husband about all of things that you are attracted by as a way of leading to addressing the issue about the appearance of his penis.

Openness and mutual honest are hallmarks of a quality relationship.

If you have additional questions about this matter- please feel free to ask- I am happy to help.

What benefit would there be in telling him? He takes pride in it and it would devastate him. It's not his fault but mine. I love all the other parts if his body and I think he's handsome and I have told him that in the past. It does hinder our lovemaking and it kills my arousal right when I need it most! They are dirty parts of us.

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You have stated the problem very clearly. It is not your husband's fault, but yours. This is not something that you are doing to hurt your husband because you love him very dearly. These are negative thoughts that you cannot control because you have developed obsessive thoughts about your husband private parts, and your only way to deal with these thoughts at present, is to shut down your libido.

You certainly do not want to make it an issue, as it will hurt him and destroy his self-confidence. He will not understand and it will further undermine your relationship.

This obsessive thought, and your reaction to it (disgust and lowered libido) is a form of anxiety disorder called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It can take many forms. The classic example is the person who obsessively fears germs and being contaminated. Her compulsive response is to wash her hands, repeatedly clean the doorknobs and handles, etc..

This disorder is treatable, not with medication, but with a form of psychotherapy known as exposure and response prevention. There are therapists who deal uniquely with anxiety disorder, or even more specialized, and work only with OCD who will use a method called Exposure and Response Prevention.

This method has a high rate of success and you can work with someone without letting your husband find out about your aversion, so that he does not take it purposely.

You can actually learn to change your thinking using this approach.

If you cannot find such a therapist, go to www.psychologytoday.com and click:

FIND A THERAPIST, then enter state and city.

A list will pop up. On the left hand side of the page you can further refine you search by going to ISSUES on the left and clicking Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Read over the therapists' entries carefully, for some are more specialized than others. Find someone who you will feel comfortable with, and then try the therapy. You can often call and have a consultation over the phone first to see if you feel a good connection.

This is the best way to handle the problem, from my perspective. Chances are you can overcome this and go on to enjoy your loving relationship with your husband instead of continuing to let it deteriorate.

I wish you the best in getting past this situation and resuming what appears to be a beautful marriage. I am hopeful and certain that you can move forward with your lives together. Thank you so much.Re-lock