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This site has been turned intoMUSEUM OF THE 2004 ELECTION REVOLUTIONBut you are allowed to browse the pages

"I wasn't sure if my expose of the true CFK story would find me vilified and purged or lauded for Mooreing the truth. Thank goodness the right faction is in control of the Party." -- Comrade Otis - filmmaker, winner of the CFK Best Marksman Award

"Heartfelt and touching, Party-approved view of class struggle in today's capitalist America - just like Fahrenheit 9/11!" -- THE NEW YORK TIMES

"Comrade Otis makes a persuasive case that there is another way to look at things beyond the version we've been given." -- LOS ANGELES TIMES

"...the sort of vitriolic exercise in paranoia that would ordinarily land its creator in therapy." - FOX NEWS

Attention progressive, socialist, liberal, pacifist, anarchist, feminist, or environmentalist debaters! Whether you are fighting class enemy over the Internet, in school, or at your parent's house over dinner, this tool is for you. No more awkward mumbling or looking for the right word! Just enter your ideological opponent's name and generate a Progressive Truth that will render your enemies speechless!

The People's Research Institute (PRI) has found a way of stopping right-wing ideology in America and ending our losses at the ballot box: we need to face our opponent's "facts" and "logic" by learning how to frame the debate. The Progressive Truth Generator™ will help you to set the terms of debate on issues in your favor and quickly terminate all discussion!

Senator John Kerry, who after losing the 2004 election was purged and declared "non-person" by CommunistsForKerry.com (CFK), a powerful pressure group that acts as a shadow Politburo behind the DNC, may now be forgiven and allowed to resume his revolutionary duties for his successful exposure of a CIA spy yesterday.

At a hearing to discuss the nomination of John Bolton as US ambassador to the United Nations, politicians discussed a dispute over Bolton's treatment of an intelligence analyst, referred to as "Mr Smith." But when Kerry read from a transcript of closed door interviews he gave out the name of Fulton Armstrong that had not previously come up.

Oppressed workers, peasants, and unwashed toiling intelligentsia of our great American Motherland! The People’s Cube has finally risen over the virtual horizon like the red sun of the revolution, dispelling the right-wing darkness of the blogosphere! This day shall be known as the dawn of Gulagosphere. It shall become a state holiday, celebrated in centuries ahead by spontaneous street marches of correctly educated proletarians chanting Party-approved slogans, peacefully hurling bricks at occasional remnants of the bourgeoisie, and vigorously consuming quantities of inexpensive People’s Cube sugar beet vodka!

The election is over. Our candidate has failed the people and the Party. He has been purged and replaced with a cardboard cutout in the US Senate. But the struggle continues! The Party needs you, the eager and the unquestioning, more then ever!

Original draft of Kerry's concession speech written by CFK
and rejected later in favor of a more opportunistic version

We have lost this election because Americans obdurately continue to believe in old myths and archaic nonsense about themselves. We shall continue to scorch it out of their murky skulls with our red-hot burning Pravda! Re-education is the key! Our agents in the academia, mass media, and trivial entertainment divisions have failed to sway the voting populace into embracing their true nature as a mote of a vast collective! The guilty shall be purged. Our efforts shall be quadrupled. Resistance is futile!

We have put together a list of national myths entertained by our foes we would do well to eliminate by stealth or worse in the new Four-Year Plan. Circulate widely.

All was ready to celebrate glorious victory. The apartment expropriated from a rich bourgeois oppressor had been artfully decorated with revolutionary posters. Vodka and pirozhki waited on the dinner table as Communists For Kerry gathered around the TV to watch the advance of the revolution and exchanged war stories...

It is our sad duty to report that Komrad Kerry has been purged for failing the revolution. He has been advised to take a self-criticism session involving a personal sidearm. We will remember him in our hearts as our most expendable apparatchik.

A few Party members have inquired about the Politbureau's course of action in the near future. Komrad Hillary has humbly suggested to take over, as the rest of the Party melts away into the countryside, which is all red, and regroup for the '08 election. Like Che and Fidel, we must now take to the jungles of America to continue the revolution. Like Lenin and Stalin, we shall penetrate the tundra, the taiga, and the steppes of the American Motherland. Keep your Red Star Radio receivers handy, you shall soon hear the transmission instructing you of the Party-approved course of action.

Osama Bin Laden, the Omnipotent Leader of the Third World's Progressive Forces, has transmitted an endorsement for Comrade Kerry by declaring that all Bush-voting States will be retaliated against by the Tolerant Civil-Libertarian Freedom Fighters.

In response to the message delivered via Al Jazeera People’s Network, millions of Spaniards observed that if it were not for Bush's neo-con, war-mongering policies, Spain too might have received a pre-election video from the Omnipotent Leader, instead of the explosive endorsement received by 200 Spaniards on the train to work, on March 11th 2004, three days before the Spanish National Election.

Bin Laden also said in his pre-election October surprise video that his goal is to bankrupt the US economy. Incidentally this goal is also shared by communists, socialists, and all progressive peace-loving admirers of Karl Marx and Noam Chomsky. What's good for the Third World is good for America!

The International Coalition of Dead Voters has always supported progressive causes, being the most dedicated constituency of the Democratic Party. Consistently voting for the political Left they are playing an increasingly important role in the American democratic process. It is important that this Halloween all dead people of good will, again, take advantage of early voting and cast their vote for John Kerry.

Communists For Kerry deny receipt of illegal funds from the Oil For Food program through International A.N.S.W.E.R.

In response to recent allegations of illegal funding, CFK wishes it be known that our revolutionary activities are fueled solely by the will of the people, and not by George Soros or illegal contributions from the former Ba'ath government of Iraq laundered by A.N.S.W.E.R. Unlike Kojo Annan and Saddam Hussein, we did not become enriched by the Oil for Food program. We did not use the money we didn't accept from Ramsey Clark to instigate riots and protests. We had no knowledge that the money Clark never funneled to us from Iraq through A.N.S.W.E.R. was illegally siphoned from the Oil for Food program, and if we did, we would never have used it for treason and sedition we didn't commit...

Once terror becomes a non-word, war on terror will end by itself. Clearly, fighting a non-entity is not only irrational, it is self-destructive. Those still bent on fighting terror will be dispatched to state-run mental institutions to be treated by Party-appointed professionals. ''We have to get back to the place we were, where terrorists are not the focus of our lives, but they're a nuisance. […] We're never going to end prostitution. We're never going to end illegal gambling," John Kerry said to New York Times Magazine when asked "what it would take for Americans to feel safe again."

Back To The Future: The Nuisance Project

All subordinate news media (aka "mainstream") are hereby directed to eliminate the words "terror" and "terrorism" from their language. Use the words "nuisance, bother, annoyance, irritation, pest," and those standing next to them in thesaurus.

Big Red! The only gum strong enough for the Revolution!Klara Zetkin taunts Bush supporters with a pack of Big Red, Gum of the People.

Lenin's New Economic Policy (NEP) allows the Party to replenish its coffers by selling brand name dry goods without coming off as hypocrites. On the one hand we are sworn enemies of private property and mercantilism. On the other hand we need to eat. Without the NEP this would be a hypocrisy. But Lenin, with an enormous effort of his colossal mind, solved the philosophical puzzle by creating a highly nuanced dialectical synthesis of antagonistic opposites.

Simply put, profiteering is allowed for Party members only. Our compassion for the people must be compensated. The stronger the compassion, the bigger the compensation.

These two DNC workers thanked us for supporting John Kerry. They thought we were totally cool with our propaganda. We all agree that both Communism and Kerry were good for the People.

All sides of the political spectrum easily accept the idea of communists supporting Kerry. Only such acceptance by one side causes outrage and accusations of bias, but on the other side it provokes a warm feeling of comradeship and inclusiveness.

What do we communists say about hypocrisy? People who live in glass houses shouldn't walk around naked, da?

We now offer to each comrade and comradochka a unique and heroic opportunity to support the Party by getting the "communistsforkerry" e-mail address through the Day of the Revolution (otherwise known as Election Day). Pick your nom de guerre and sign up!

Imagine the warm feeling such inescapably proletarian emails will radiate through interlocutors at academic institutions, media outlets, and weblogs!

Distributed on first-come-first-serve basis to Party members. All others go back to the line and examine educational propagandistic art while you wait.

CONTEST!
Our staff writers have all gone on extended vacation to collect wild berries, breathe the invigorating tundra air, and reflect on how such experience strengthens the feeling of gratitude to the Party and the dedication to the People's cause.

In addition to his previous campaign promises meant to improve the life situation for those who resent the nature of capitalism at the expense of those who are quite happy with it, Senator John F. Kerry has now announced a plan to harness the very nature itself.

"The Bush administration has mislead Americans about hurricanes," Kerry announced to his supporters. "I believe I can fight a more effective, more thoughtful, more strategic, more proactive, more sensitive war on hurricanes."

From Yahoo News: Dave Matthews Band, an environmentally and politically active liberal music group got caught on tape while unleashing a whirlwind of excrement (800 pounds of liquid human waste) from their sewage laden tour bus into the Chicago River through a metal grating on the Kinzie Street Bridge earlier this month. This posed environmental and public health risks as a passing tour boat filled with 100 people on an architecture sightseeing cruise was doused by the falling excrement.

The band said that they did this to illustrate to the non-elite American public where they belong in society. "This sends a clear message to people that celebrities are far more important than average Americans," says DMB's spokesman, John Vlautin. "And take my word, people love it!"

"Our crap is so great because we are educated Hollywood elites on special diets," explains Dave, the group's leader. "We actually started a trend! Common folks from all over America are writing to us asking to come and defecate upon them."

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Don't fear, it's a free country. For now.

The bourgeois demagogues of the so-called "free press" paint John Kerry as being "soft" on communism. What an understatement! We couldn't have had a better comrade in our effort to speed up the downfall of world capitalism!

Here is a permision slip, you can fill it out and I'll get back to you. However you can feel free to use 2 armoured divisions and 1 aircraft carrier group. Please make sure they are all back at base before 4pm.