Now that I am a mother I can say with conviction that having an abortion at age 18 was the best decision I ever made.

by Diddle Knabb

October 19, 2016

Now that I am a mother I can say with conviction that having an abortion at age 18 was the best decision I ever made. Not because I have grown into a mature, loving, fiscally responsible adult, but because children are nasty and awful things. This morning my son stepped in dog vomit and didn’t even care. He went to the kitchen with puke feet and ate a donut and mid-donut lazily held up his feet like “are you going to clean this, or…” Pig.The father of my non-child was a junior varsity jock named Brad (LOL) and the first time we had sex I was giving him a blowjob and noticed a huge shit stain in his underwear but was too polite to say anything or like, stop, so pretended that I didn’t notice and ignored the actual shit from his asshole that was an inch away from my face. If I were to rank our relationship, this wouldn’t even be top 5 worst things about the brief time I knew him. He had a disgusting car that smelled like wet cat food, for example.

I grew up with strict parents, and by strict I mean abusive and controlling to the point where my sisters and I couldn’t go to the library without a chaperone. Spoiler alert: if you control every aspect of your kid’s life, she will go on to marry a 35-year-old man for healthcare when she turns 19.

It was very lucky that I got pregnant after one sex with Brad because I always wanted my life to be more difficult than it already was and an unexpected baby provided me with the tools I needed for a ruint life. My pregnancy and abortion sucked. My body hates being pregnant and I was nauseous and sick the whole time leading up to the procedure. Brad was abusive and horrible. I was poor and in no universe could afford to pay for the abortion by myself and asking my parents was a big fuck no, so I was at his mercy. He would offer to pay for the abortion and pull away the funds last minute. The first time we drove to the clinic, he ‘forgot’ to bring the money. I sat sick in the waiting room while Enter the fucking Dragon starring Bruce Lee played overhead.

The next time we went, things were better. There wasn’t a clinic near my hometown so we had to drive over an hour and a half to see a doctor. I begged the clinic to consider my grades and the future I could have if I didn’t have a baby so that I could have the abortion. The procedure was quick and I woke up to a friendly doctor telling me that I better make my boyfriend take me out to dinner that night. Brad took me back to his house and let his girlfriend beat me up.

It went like this: she was waiting for me at his house and kicked me in the stomach and then poured root beer all over my face. I had to go back to the hospital in an ambulance but my best friend’s boyfriend picked me up and took me to KFC. ~dreams coming true~

My It Gets Better’ for nerdy girls who watch Dragon Tales well into high school and don’t have any friends but have strict parents: you’ll grow up to have a small amount of internet admiration after the world realizes how funny and smart you are and the girl who beat you up after you had an abortion as a teenager will ask to be your friend IRL because you are so funny and cool and YOU WILL GET TO SAY NO AND BLOCK HER. Sucks 2 suck.