I think Suggs is doing a great job personally but I "suggs-gest" he wears a bushy false white beard for future appearances. The only problem is you might not be able to see his teeth chattering through it. But I'd love to see him replaced by Sir Noel Edmonds.

Following an extensive search and public vote, I'm pleased to announce who will officially be the new Captain Birdseye. Competition was fierce, but there was an outright winner and it was the lovely Posh Spice. I've spoken to her and she is delighted, saying 'Who is this, you are nuts.', she's so droll. Anyway she is flying in as we speak for a photo shoot, so watch this space.

It appears that news has quickly got around about Posh's 'success' and some of her adversaries are none too pleased and appear to be making a play to usurp her lucrative contract, among them Anna Kournikova, Kim Kardashian and Mariah Carey...

I love a bearded lady. Speaking of which, a question or two for our dear Administrator...I hear rumours that our beloved Posh is in the studio for her Capn Birdseye makeover today...can you please confirm? Will there be photographic evidence soon? Will Matthew Kelly be on hand to oversee the transformation? Can you remember the nature of my prospective complaint? Respectfully, Galen.

Galen I can confirm that Posh, even as I type this, is indeed in my media man's studio being 'Birdseye-ed' up. Matthew Kelly is also in attendance because he is the only person who can validate the transformation. Photographic evidence will be provided in the next few hours.

As for your complaint; I think you were going to complain about the lack of bearded ladies on this site, which has now been resolved by Wyle's post above. The original complaint can be found here.

Well as promised, here is the latest photograph fully approved by Matthew Kelly, of Captain PoshEye. I'm sure you'll agree, she makes a great Captain Birdseye and is the worthy winner of our competition.