Ashton Kutcher's maybe-mistress milks her 15 minutes. The Baldwin family Christmas will be argumentative. "Taylor Momsen offends Scottish crowd," but not for the reason you think. Tuesday gossip will soon be naked.

Self-proclaimed Ashton Kutcher mistress Brittney Jones is selling her "morning after" sweater on eBay: "This sweater was given to me after spending the night with Ashton. I no longer have any attachment to this sweater and I am hoping someone else will enjoy it." Is this the "Monica's dress" of Kutchoore? (Ashmi? Demton?) The current bid is $20,100 (up from $500 when it opened yesterday) and there are still three days and 10 hours of bidding left! You bidders are aware that Ashton didn't literally jizz on it (that we are aware of) right? [E!, eBay, images via Getty and eBay]

Dinner table discussion at the Baldwin family Christmas can "get a little spicy now and again," according to right-wing evangelist Stephen Baldwin, who is preparing for hand-to-hand combat with brothers Alec and Billy. (It'd be like the scenes in The Matrix where Neo fights a sea of clones. Baldwin after baritone-voiced Baldwin.) "We were raised with a dad who would smack you in the forehead with salad tongs if you got too out of line." They really are the Donaghys. [P6]

"Taylor Momsen Offends Scottish Crowd"—ooh, this sounds good!—"With Geography Error." Ugh, what a letdown. Apparently she called a crowd in Glasgow "the craziest crowd in all of England." It's the kind of thing that will have Scots frothing at the mouth and Americans yawning, "Get back to us when she strips in the streets of Dundee." [Popeater]

David Beckham got a new tattoo on his chest, thereby breaking a promise he made to his mother that he'd keep his tattoos to his arms and back, but who cares, because guess what? David Beckham with his shirt off, whee! The new tat took six hours, but he didn't say what it was or post a picture of the final product. [Facebook, DailyMail]

Prince William and Kate Middleton made their first "public appearance" since their engagement, to a charity fundraiser for the Teenage Cancer Trust. Kate wore "black and bridal ivory," Wills wore a navy suit and a raspberry tie. [Popeater]

Speaking of the British royal family, Prince William's cousin Zara Phillips is also engaged. So that will definitely be overshadowed. [People]

Chris Brown completed his court-mandated anti-violence class and celebrated by tweeting a picture of the certificate, thereby concluding the most star-studded 52 weeks the Commonwealth Catholic Charities' Domestic Violence Course has ever seen. "im done with class. i have enough self respect and decency to be proud of accomplishing this DV class. Boyz run from mistakes. Men learn from them!!!" [@chrisbrown, People]

LeAnn Rimes seems to have embraced the fact that people will call her a trollop no matter what she does, and tweeted sexy Santa pictures before a performance with the Gay Men's Chorus of L.A. [@LeAnnRimes, Us]