Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Grandma is still hanging in there. Although tonight she was unable to take her medication because she couldn't swallow. We'll see how she is tomorrow. This may be the hardest thing I have ever had to. It has taught me a lot. I've surrounded myself with people who care about me and are willing to do anything to make sure I'm okay. The people who have just brought me down, no longer bring me down. It's the best feeling in the world.
I'm soooo ready to be done with school. Holy cow... Let me help people and make a difference in the word. Enough of this b.s. homework.
I need to think about my Christmas lists.
To be continued.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Last night I had the time of my life.
I was also covered in a neon yellow toxic mess. I was chewing on my glow stick and it busted open. Shot up my nose, all over me and in my mouth. I ran to the bathroom washed off. Then my mouth and little nose started to go numb. Grrreeaaat. Haha. I'm fine now.

I didn't sleep last night. Tossing and turning, tossing and turning. My mind is full and the monster that I drank didn't help. I'm pretty out of it right now. I'm here, but I'm not really here....

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

So my ride along with awesome! We caught people stealing, (that's not awesome but you get what I mean.) there were little kids we had to save. All in all it was a great. I do it again next Sunday...

Yaaaa. Study and work that's about all I do. I've decided that nursing is what I want to do, I'm just goting to take a different route. First I'm going to be a parametic and then bridge over to R.N.! So here I go. Starts in Feb. sometime. So that means the trip to Australia is on hold until later notice. I think we're going to make a min vaca and go to Mexico. This way I can save for the hotel and shopping, so I can run wild when I get to Australia. Alright back to study'n psych I go.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

So they did the background check and I'm good to go! I'll be doing my police ride along this Sunday and next Sunday from 6 to 10 pm. I'm excited. Pretty sure I'm the only one in my class that is doing anything this cool. Hahaha. Have fun writing your paper.

Friday, October 16, 2009

I feel great. No, I feel AMAZING! Had an awesome time last night with my friends and Thomas. I don't know if anyone knows or not BUT... I love to dance. Ha. I'm pretty sure I pulled something while dancing last night. That or from when I went to turn my fan on and slid off my bed. Silk sheet will get ya. Watch out. Needless to say I had a little to drink. I'm ready for today and whatever it may bring.

(I'm still in love with that song. It's pretty much me if I were a song.)

This week is another fast paced, do or die week. I'm swimming, I'm swimming, I'm swimming. I will not sink. There's a few things I've started to do so that I may live a beautiful life.

Slow down. There is so much to do and so much to see, but if you're always in a rush you never have time to enjoy the simple things. So I've started to eat slower and enjoying the little things in life.

Everything has beauty. I mean everything. The stupid stop light that makes you late to work every other day, yeah, even that. The night sky when you're walking to your car from work. If you think about how blessed your life is more than likely your going to have a different outlook about the things around you.

Give compliments to strangers. Smile at them, tell them you like their outfit or their shoes. Something as simple as that can make someone's day and make you feel better. Kindness is contagious, pass it on.

Alright so now I sound like I'm trying to write a book or something. Simply put I'm just trying to make my life worth living. And so on and so forth.
I'm going to keep on keep'n on. And as for the success thing. I'm not having much trouble with it as I was. I was just looking tooooo hard.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Sometimes I look back at my life and think to myself, "Good lord child you have climbed many mountains and mole hills." But lately it has seemed that my biggest trouble is to define success. What does that word mean? And do I try to define it myself or let society do it for me. I am a very independent and strong woman but I seem to have so much trouble with this one small word. My life has not in the least bit panned out how I thought it would be but that isn't necessarily a horrible thing. I am thankful for every person that has come into my life. In one way or another we all learn something from every relationship we encounter. (And I'm not only talking about the whole b.f./g.f. thing.) So I guess I'll go along with this minute struggle and think about how thankful I am and how blessed my life really is. I need not worry about all the details right now, as I have much bigger fish to fry. I have places to go and people to see, and the drive and passion to help make a difference in this world.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Alright, I'm me again.
Feels W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L.
(Anything that was stressing me out is settled, under control or gone.)

Tomorrow is Diamond of Dreams @ The Royals stadium, 7-11 out on the field. Before then I'll be at Mix 93.3 with the Jason Grill Ultimate Tailgate. Then I'll make my way to Capital Grill to help with the V.I.P. party for the pre-D.O.D. Super busy. Super excited.

Monday, July 20, 2009

I have caught something. Yes, a horrible funk. Blahhhh. I can't write with this blockage. I just wish to return to my normal self within the next few days or so.... Dad always said, "Ashley, sometimes when it rains it's just going to pour." And thus it has been pouring non-stop into my little life with blank expressions and thoughts. I feel numb right now. This old-person day to day routine is monotonous. I just want to step forward and something always holds me back that is out of my control.

Monday, July 13, 2009

For sometime I thought it was my "calling" to help people. Don't get me wrong this is very exciting to know my part in this thing we all call life, BUT as I go throughout living I find that I am only "helping" people who don't want help. So. I think to myself....What the HELL?!? Why wouldn't someone want to better their life? Why would someone want to constantly surround themselves with negativity? AND Why can't they see their self for the amazing person they could be? Beats me, and you know what? I'm done. I'm tired of beating myself up on a day-to-day basis trying figure out what I could do to help.

Lord forgive me, but this task that you have given me is rather impossible.

I guess this isn't a worthless task, and it's not impossible. I now know that more than most people that need your help will ask for it, and the ones that don't aren't ready. I guess I have learned that no matter how hard I try to "fix" someone... They can only fix themselves. I'm still here, and I'm not giving up on what I was put here for.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The start of my summer has been glorious! California was amazing! There was so much to do and see. The only rude people were the ones that hated their lives because they worked at the airport. Whatev. All in all the long distance thing isn't as hard as I thought it would be.

I got the summer internship at WGPR! Stoked! I'm dabbling in a little bit of everything. PR, nursing, fashion! I'll be back to school in the fall, again! Nothing new, I have about 2.5 years left. Oh well it will be worth it in the end. Make that cash yo!

Today I received a really cool compliment. Made me think about how much of a people person I really am...and how blessed I am to be able to go up and talk to anyone anywhere. Now, if I can get though 14 hours of all Biology classes that will really be a blessing. Ahhhh! This fall is going to kick my ass!

Alright I need to unpack my suitcase that's been sitting on my kitchen floor now for a week.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I have decided that I am done catering to my sisters needs. Any and all of them. It kills me to see my family in shambles. I have officially washed my hands of all of this non-sense. I am done trying. I'm done trying to give my parents support when it all gets thrown back in my face. Apparently my trying to be a good child has no effect on anyone but me, and I guess that's how it's supposed to be but I don't get it! The more Arielle is chaotic and unruly, trashy, destructive the more she gets. I don't understand why doing wrong is getting rewarded. It's crazy because if I would happen to do something like what Arielle does my ass would have been thrown out a long time ago. But apparently because my brain functions in a semi-normal way I'm supposed to be on the grind 24/7 and no one even calls me to make sure I'm still alive. I'm so over it! I don't want any money, no hand outs...NOTHING! I want to get where I want to be on my own. I'm tried of my family putting up with all of this nonsense, so until they realize that I'm no longer around because of this I will be pushing full force into my own life and I hope they realize I'm doing this for my own good. I can't take to be put through this anymore.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Alright so I went out with the girls, no biggie right? WRONG! I really should learn my limits on my liquor intake. I am not Frank the tank nor do I want to be. Ahhhh.But we did have the most AMAZING cab driver EVER! He was playing sexual healing... Tiff and I just sang and clapped along. Hahhaha. Way to end the night. Speaking of ending the night we got home pretty early... I haven't gone out like that in a while, and that's not a bad thing.

Thursday night was Britney Spears. I had no idea I was even going until noon that day! I love surprises! Loved the show, she pretty much sucked but that didn't suprize me. I still love her. lol.

Tonight I'm taking it easy, I have the little girl I'm mentorings birthday party and later hot tub time! I have a clinical in the morning. I'm super excited! I love meeting new people, I hope everyone is nice.

I also am in the process of making a new dress. Hope it turns out great so I can wear it, maybe then I can start making dresses for other people as well!I want to have more of a fashion blog. Maybe if I have time Sunday I'll post some pics of some runway shows I fancied the most. That is if I'm not dead tired.

Ashley Nichole

P.S. It rains sand here at work. I don't get it.p.p.s. One month and 3 days till CALI! Ohhh baby!

Monday, March 30, 2009

I'm getting the chance to do what I need to get done, without any pressure. Without pressure but my own. Life is not a race. I don't know why for so long I thought I needed to have everything said and done by a certain time. I never understood why I was always in a rush to find the "one". I also don't understand why I put up with so much from people who I knew would never be with me in the long run.

One thing I have learned over the past 3 months would be this: Never settle. Be who you are, and if someone doesn't like it they're not worth your time. And last but not least, take away all the negativity in your life. You will be so much more happy. I mean, that's what I did and I haven't felt so alive. I'm more healthy, I think about how great life really is. It was all worth the tears and pain.

I love my friends so much! Gawd, you've all been such life savers. Positive and caring but you know when to let me have it! lol.

I'm cleaning and getting my life together with all this free time I have.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Beside my little findings I'm great. Actually I couldn't be happier. Honestly. Life has been going really well. I haven't laughed or smiled like this is a long while. I can't wait to get all my nursing stuff lined up so I can actually get this show on the road. I'm so determined to get my life together.

I have a new found love. Lady Gaga. She's super pretty, has amazing style, I can relate to her music, she can sing....it's the whole package. Look at her hair! It's love! Hahaha.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I started my new workout program, I will be toned for summer guaranteed.I read my new fashion book I got for Christmas. I love it, it's so inspirational!Helped my dad snake my sink pipe, hahaha. Priceless. I was wearing sunglasses so nothing got in my eyes. My dad can fix anything, even broken hearts. Love him.I had my meditation time with tea and hummus.Now, now I want to play! I have a ton of energy right now and I could go crazy with it all bottled up like this. Not a good thing for a person with a.d.h.d.

I have to start up clinical hours again next Wednesday. I've got new scrubs and all. I'm ready. I miss the slightly strange people that I helped. They made me feel half way normal.

I need to write:

Empty feelings make up for lost words. Actions speak louder then words, I see.Some people should just be friends, people like you and me. Life in general is a battle, being with someone you love should never feel like blood shed, but I guess in the end if there was no blood shed it would never be over. The knife went in through your heart and out through your mouth, where it left you speechless. As life goes on my mine still wonders, it never stops actually. Who wakes up at 4 am just to worry? It used to be you, you'd wake me in my sleep because you thought I did something fucked up. All that worrying, being angry and wasting time being a dick. Where did that get us? Please tell me? Please tell me why you came into my life? I know why I was in yours.....

Saturday, January 3, 2009

I'm so tired of people. I mean really, grow the fuck up. (And I hate that word.) I've decided to take a stand for myself. I'VE RAISED THE BAR. Geessus. My dearest, bestest friend of almost 23 years wrote me the most inspirational e-mail I've ever had. It's people like her and the Courtney(s) that help me see what I really deserve. They say when one door closes another one opens.... Well that door was closed a long time ago. And it's true another door has opened.

Here is the promise to myself:I promise not to let someone control me by being manipulative.I promise the first time I let go, it will be the last.I promise to get done what I need done first, my education.I promise that the next person I give my heart to will be worth with. And they will be able to trust me, because I am a good girl.

"TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT!"

Sorry just a little "ness" I needed to get off my chest. And please no more 4 am text messages. I do sleep at night.