Unfortunately for, uh, all citizens of Earth, the Girls reality show is apparently underway: ABC has picked it up and already chosen a star, a 25-year-old publicist named Hailey Glassman whose achievements include, hand to God, datingJon Gosselin and being on an episode of My Life is A Lifetime Movie. She's also oranger than motherfucking Zoe the Sesame Street muppet.

"They've already cast Hailey because she sort of epitomizes the mid-to-upper class 20-something trying to make it in New York City," says the source. ALL WRONG. Most of the girls I know in this demo dated Bob Duggar and were on an episode of Extreme Couponing. And they're fuschia. Get it right. [Radar Online]

Allison Williams says whenever her NBD just totally normal anonymous dad Brian Williams meets one of her Girls sex scene partners, he slaps them on the back and says "That was hilarious!" BriWi! <3 [NYDN]

Amanda Bynes posted a photo of Jay-Z to her Twitter with the caption "ugly face," apropos of absolutely nothing (which is admittedly the Amanda Bynes way), and deleted it shortly after. In fact, she massively wiped her Tweets, leaving only 13 nuggets of 140-char-or-less genius for us to parse. Somewhere, bagpipe taps are playing. Oh, and I'm sure Jay-Z is whining about trolls to Beyoncé as they eat 14-karat gold-flecked Eggs Benedict in bed right now. [Daily Mail]

Bizarro friends Lindsay Lohan and Woody Allen reunited at the amfAR New York Gala last night to support HIV/AIDS research, to which she was not officially invited but appeared on the arm of Saudi oil heir and film producer Mohammed Al Turki. Much was made of Allen and Lohan's dinner "meeting" back in May (Allen: "I met her at a party and we got together for dinner, but I would not hesitate for a second to use her if I had a role that was good for her because she's an extremely talented girl.") And charming, too:

After the event, Lohan changed clothes and headed to SL nightclub around midnight with Turki, but was turned away at the door after she was spotted screaming outside, "Where is my fur coat!"

Everyone's friend and Dionne's totally on-and-off boyf Donald Faison
says that his pregnant wife Cacee Cobb
and her pregnant best friend Jessica Simpson
think that having their wombs full of cells at the same time is so fetch. "Imagine if you and your best friend were pregnant at the same time – Cacee's loving it. They hang out all the time anyway, but now they hang out and talk baby stuff, look at baby stuff online, and go shopping for baby stuff together." A nice break from their usual chats about nuclear fission. [People
]
Secretary
director Steven Shainberg
is "combining eroticism and humor" once again in The Big Shoe
, which will star Jim Sturgess
, Kristen Stewart
and Elizabeth Banks
in a modern fairy tale about foot fetishes.

Sturgess plays a gifted shoe designer forced to break free from a family who wants to turn his designs into mass-produced knock-offs. The family hires psychotherapist Mary Kay (Banks) and muse Delphi (Stewart) to lure him back to work.

James Cromwell was arrested for protesting against cat cruelty at University of Wisconson Madison, which PETA claims annually "starved, deafened, and decapitated for brain research that hasn't accomplished its goals of improving human hearing." [TMZ]

As it turns out, the swatting prank on Ashton Kutcher's L.A. home was perpetrated by a 12-year-old boy. At least it's an even intellectual playing field. [TMZ]

In just-released archived interviews, Alfred Hitchcock said that Psycho was meant to be a comedy. (The remake WAS an unintentional comedy.) [Telegraph UK]

Rooney Mara, a true purist, wore a strawberry blonde merkin for her nude scenes in Girl With The Dragon Tattoo because Lisbeth Salander was originally a redhead. [Crushable]

Anna Faris will star in Ellen Page's directorial debut, Miss Stevens, about a teacher who accompanies her students on a drama competition (alternate title: Miss Stevens Just Spent An Entire Three Fucking Hour Coach Bus Trip Listening To Extra-Loud Simultaneous Renditions of "Take Me Or Leave Me" From RENT So Do You Have Any Excedrin?) [Deadline]

Adele makes $65,000 a day. And you totally still think she'd be a fun, down-to-earth person to get brunch with, right? I do. It's truly a modern marvel. [Toronto Sun]

The first paparazzi photo of Anna Paquin's baby concretely proves that it is a baby. Case dismissed. *Insert gavel noise here.* [Us Weekly]

Cissy Houston thinks the fact that Clive Davis invited her to his annual pre-Grammy party—right before which, one year ago, her daughter Whitney Houston passed away—is "obscene." Davis is planning the evening as a tribute to Whitney. [Us Weekly]

How awkward do you guys think this picture of Jennifer Lopez, Mark Anthony and Casper Smart was to take, like on a scale of 1 to Todd Solondz scene? [Us Weekly]

"I was just a jerk," says John Mayer, which is totally breaking news that ~*~*noooobody*~*~ knew about, just like how America seceded from England and water is wet. [People]

Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer saw each other across a crowded restaurant and bro-hugged. I smell a middlebrow USA Network comedy called Spitz On Weiner. [Page Six]

Bill collectors and foreclosure officers are hounding the Lohan home on Long Island, where Lindsay just moved back in. [NYDN]

Okay, so apparently Leighton Meester's ex-boyfriend Sebastian Stan and his new girlfriend Mae Whitman (Ann on Arrested Development) were judges on a Food Network show. A friend of Jezebel night editor Laura Beck was in attendance, and she heard Stan going on and on about Leighton and Whitman being annoyed. This is mostly notable because who, Egg?

Tori Spelling's car broke down and she Instagrammed a scowling picture of herself and the kids on the side of the road, so go ahead and add that super-important intel to the cacophony of your brain! [NYDN]