(Closed) Update (re “Heartbroken” post)

I want to tell all of you who posted yesterday how grateful I am for your kind words, support and guidance. It was an incredibly difficult day for me and I just want you to know how much easier you all made it.

We had a discussion last night and I stuck to my guns. I told him straight out that if he loves me as much as he says he does and if he wants me to be happy (which he’s always saying too), then he will make it happen by taking the next step in our relationship. I told him I’ve been more than patient having waited five years. I said it’s one thing if he is not sure that he wants to be with me (then the solution is simple), but it’s another thing that he is saying how much he loves and will marry me but wont take action. I also told him I felt like we couldnt be “normal” until he took some action.

When it came down to the possibility of losing me over all this, his response was “well then that’s it, i’m going to have to make this happen.” He then called his parents last night (they’re still out of the country) and told them his plans to get engaged, married, etc. And they said they support him in this. He then told me all of this and repeatedly said that he “promises” he will get our families together by July and that we’ll get engaged. He said he’ll do whatever I want. He just kept saying he loves me and then he asked me to just give him a few months. Basically I think he wants me to leave him alone about this until July. I could tell he was a bit irritated given that I spent the whole day telling him repeatedly that I’ve run out of patience and that July is really it for us. I feel very relieved but I’m cautiously optimistic. Time will tell if he does what he says. And if he doesnt I have to be ready to walk.

We’re ok now but I can’t help but feel so weird that I basically gave him an ultimatum. I never thought I would be that girl and I never wanted to be. But at the same time I was going INSANE wondering what is going to happen after being with him for 5 years and considering we’re both 30. While I’m feeling SO much better, I really wish that none of this happened and that he would have on his own come forward and taken action. I wish I didn’t have to force him into a position where he felt that he had to do this or he would lose me.

Do you ladies think I did the right thing here? I guess only time will tell.

You totally did… it sounds like he just needed a gently shove in the right direction, and based on that phone call he made to his fam I’d say it worked! Forget the notion that you “forced” him into anything… If he didn’t want to marry you, he wouldn’t. Period. Def. leave him alone about it until July… focus on having fun together, and being loving and happy, secure in the knowledge that you’ll be engaged by the end of summer!

But yes I think you did the right thing- sounds like you were very diplomatic too. He has acted on it by calling his parents which is awesome. Hopefully you can relax now and look forward to a proposal 🙂

I don’t think you’re that girl- I can’t help but feel he’s kind of an idiot though (I mean that respectfully of course). If he hasn’t popped the question by July I wouldn’t give him a second shot. You deserve someone who is willing to move forward (I also don’t understand the whole family meeting thing- my parents met my husband’s after we were engaged- the families meeting doesn’t change an engagement.)

@maureen9004: In Persian culture, it’s traditional that the families meet at the time of engagement. And I agree that he should be jumping at the chance I gave him to move forward. But for whatever reason he just was dragging his feet and needed a push. If he doesn’t do anything in July, I really have nothing left to give to this relationship.

You did the right thing, don’t feel bad at all! You know we’re behind you 100% and you did what you had to do. Like I said on the other thread, you deserve to be happy too! And I don’t really get the whole family thing either, if they’re not around now they may not be around later so they don’t really make a difference. I agree with a PP in that I hope you don’t give him a second chance if he fails this one. You deserve so much more. Good luck!

@AmyDee: Thanks so much. I really hope he won’t put me in the position of having to walk away in July, but if he isn’t willing to commit to me after 5 years then I’m not willing to wait any longer. Unfortunately I will have to walk away.

You did the right thing and I can not IMAGINE why you would think you were wrong.

You have needs in your relationship, one of which is being secure and commited. Your goal is to be married and have children which will not happen unless he takes the next step. Honestly, I don’t want to be too personal- but if you are being intimate with him, living with him and etc. you are not in the wrong for having expectations for the direction of your relationship that come about in a timely manner. How DARE he expect you to be happy with his broken promises while you continue to give all of yourself plus MORE to ensure his happiness.

AGAIN – You are NOT in the wrong for letting him know your needs and expectations. Don’t EVER think that. I am glad this talk happened and I hope he makes the deadline in July. I personally am VERY proud of you. If more women would put their foot down like you did and stop being SCARED of what would happen, they would take control of their lives and futures and stop giving all of the power to these men. I commend you greatly!

@armychica06: I agree!! What irritates me though is the fact that he acted like I was forcing his hand and that he was doing this to pretty much keep from losing me. UGH. Instead of acting excited to take the next step, I got a “ok I’ll do it to make you happy” kind of reaction.

I dont know, maybe he is still buying time. But he will run out of it come July. I cant wait any longer.