To our feline guests

I love my cats, but I do feel it necessary to have a few simple household rules. I have gone over this list with them patiently several times and answered their questions until we’re all “on the same page” (literally). A straightforward plan like this is really just common sense for cat owners. If you do try this with your cats I’m sure you’ll discover, as I did, that it’s a complete waste of time.

My oldest cat, Belle, is still pretty feisty at the age of 17+. She is very bright, gets bored easily, and will not take “no” for an answer. If I am not responding to her requests she starts knocking things off counters and flipping over wastebaskets. It’s a fairly successful method of inter-species communication.

In my old apartment I had an in-wall air conditioner. I don’t mind being warm (up to a point) and I don’t like the noise of air conditioners. Belle, as it turns out, has a lower tolerance for hot weather than I do. When she felt it was time to crank the AC she would sit in front of it and meow until I turned it on. Then she’d sprawl out and take a nap in the cool breeze.