Hands off our freedom

Originally published: February 18, 2010

It’s a near-constant refrain from the sanctimonious, those who would have the entire world adopt whatever cockamamie personal belief they happen to be obsessing at that particular moment.

No one, for instance, is more preachy than the ex-smoker who, having overcome his or her filthy habit, now counsels one and all to kick their nicotine addiction. For the prohibitionists of yore, it was a simple “I do not like to take a drink, therefore no one should be allowed to.” And don’t even get me started on the evangelicals, for whom the list of things they feel should be verboten seems to broaden every day.

To that list of the truly holier-than-thou, I would like to add the environmentalist, or — as it specifically pertains to the readership of these driving pages — the electric car enthusiast. Inevitably, whenever I pen yet another diatribe questioning whether the purely electric vehicle can realistically supplant the fossil-fuelled automobile, the responses always seem to come down to a variation of the classic, “I am willing to make sacrifices to drive an electric car, therefore everyone will — or so they should.”

When faced with the question of what to do when a vacation forces a vehicle-based trip beyond their electric car’s range, the acolytes’ solution is simple: Since they are willing to rent a conventional automobile every time they stray beyond the proverbial corner store, so, too, will everyone be willing to schlep over to the rental car franchise every time they have to drive out of town.

Faced with the possibility that even day-to-day excursions will tax the EV’s range, the retort is often just an admonishment that we should all be as organized as they are. “I am willing to plan my entire day around the limitations of my electric car,” goes the refrain, “so you should be, too.”

Electric cars underperform (the Tesla Roadster tested herein notwithstanding)? “I don’t like driving fast and so you shouldn’t be speeding in the first place.” Charging batteries takes a long time? “You should take the time to smell the roses like I do.” Electric cars are more expensive than a comparable conventional automobile? “I am willing to fork over the extra dollars to cut greenhouse gases, so, too, should you be willing to forgo your next vacation.”

Inevitably, for the vast majority of EV proponents who are chagrined by anyone who dares question the practicality of the electric car, it comes down to simple narcissism: Since I am willing to make these — and many other — sacrifices to drive around in something powered by electrons rather than fossil fuels, so, too, should everyone make similar concessions.

Imagine if we tried to solve all the world’s problems with the admonishments of the militant. Take the current crisis of morbid obesity, for instance. As a truly devoted fitness fanatic, my solution to the crisis that is — quite literally — swallowing North America would be for everyone to be up at 5:30 a.m., bright and cheery, five days a week, for a gruelling two-hour cardio and weight program, followed by 30 minutes of excruciatingly painful stretching. This would, of course, be supplemented by 90 minutes of competitive boxing each and every evening. No time for such devotion? Sorry, I make the time, so you have to as well. Oh, did I mention that you won’t be eating anything — and I mean anything — with white sugar, ever again. Or white flour. And no more hamburgers. Ask for french fries at your favourite restaurant and they’ll be bringing you steamed asparagus. Hey, I’m willing to make the sacrifice, why shouldn’t you?

The difference — and since satire and sarcasm seem to be beyond the average enviro-weenie — I’ll make this painfully obvious: I’m not quite so narcissistic as to believe that because I see my obsession as worthy, the entire world will follow suit. Perhaps, like those willing to forgo the convenience of the traditional, gasoline-fuelled automobile, these are laudatory sacrifices. Certainly, working out twice a day and eating alfalfa sprouts will keep you slim and trim. But they are not realistic solutions for a populace that thinks flicking the remote is an aerobic exercise.

I have no clue as to what the solution to our collective pot-belly is. Nor am I any more certain what will be the replacement for the gasoline engines currently powering our automobiles (although I am absolutely certain we will soon need one).

But, of two things I am sure. The first is that monastic exercise regimes and Spartan diets are not the solution to the world’s obesity problem, no matter how happy they make me. And any alternative that requires the majority of motorists to sacrifice any of the freedom they now enjoy in their conventional automobiles is equally doomed to failure, no matter how piously the devotees of electric cars preach.