Germany: Merkel Wants to Fight at the Front in Syria

Germany: Participation in War on Syria.

The German Chancellor Angela Merkel has once again clearly signified her complete submission to the United States by her statements in which she announced that she wants to fight on the front line for Obama’s war against Syria.

“I’m going to find this bastard and mow him down with my machine gun,” she said, referring to Syria’s President Bashar al-Assad. “I’ll make short work with him,” Merkel said while licking her lips.

The German Chancellor Merkel has already passed an intense military training, which took place in secrecy beside her campaign appearances. The soldiers of the Special Forces Command (KSK) have taught her everything you need to know for the command in a warfare in the Graf Zeppelin Barracks Calw in Württemberg.

The commander of the KSK, Brigadier-General Dag Baehr, said about the combat capabilities of the German Chancellor, “I have seldom seen such a dedicated and adaptive soldier.” Also the jump with a parachute into the enemy hinterland has been trained.

According to related parties, Merkel is so keen to get to Syria that she will pay for the trip out of her own pocket and then join the ranks of the al-Nusra Front after her arrival in Syria.

As one hears from insiders of the German Bundestag, the heads of other German parties, such as Peer Steinbrueck, Claudia Roth, Cem Özdemir, and Philipp Rösler, want to follow the example of Angela Merkel.

Cem Özemir said, “In no case, we are going to leave the utter pandering to Washington only to the Chancellor. If Obama orders the attack on Syria, the representatives of the German parties have to fight, under the risk of their own lives, beside the Americans, of course.”

Only Gregor Gysi declined his own participation in the war against Syria. He said: “I think it is correct when those, who loudly call for a military intervention in Syria, take a rifle their hands, go to the front and follow up their words with deeds.”

“For too long, politicians who want wars, exempted themselves and let others die for it,” added Gregor Gysi. “Because I do condemn war and the use of force in principle, I will not participate, of course.”

“We need to get a lot of fighters, weapons and ammunition to Syria. I can hardly await to feel the sweet smell of death in the nose when I bombard the bastards of the Syrian army,” said the top military commander in Germany.

Merkel has not hit the targets in her first firing practices.

President Obama expressed his delight at the news that Angela Merkel would herself get directly involved in the fighting.

Barack Obama said, “I always knew, under her trouser suits, she simply hides a brutal fighter and a loyal comrade. Now, where the British dud, David Cameron, has pulled the tail and turned out to be a coward, the personal commitment of the German Chancellor strengthens my decision to extinguish Syria of the map of the world.”

The article is partly satire but there is a certain amount of truth in the text, of course.