Reflections

The day had been full of sadness, anger, and regret. She was all unsure of what the future would hold for her now smaller family. Finding out about her father’s death had been a shock to them all. It was unexpected, sudden and just didn’t seem to make sense to any of them. Her mother and sister were taking things quite hard, leaving Zukes with much of the responsibilities for taking care of the arrangements, funeral, and gathering of the family to pay their last respects.

Usually, she wasn’t used to being so responsible. Most of the time she was daydreaming, painting or spending time with her sister in the lush forest that surrounded their home. It was time to stop daydreaming...stop being so childish... It was time to start being an adult.

At the age of 14, it's quite difficult to get anyone to take you seriously. It doesn't help much when you are quiet, small and humble. It was even more difficult when it came to such a serious issue as the burial of a family member. Luckily, she managed to pull everything together for that day. That one day where she would see her father for the last time... In a way, she looked forward to seeing him. He was gone often and for long periods of time. Mostly when he did come back it was brief, exciting, and full of lavish and expensive treats. None of which she really felt like she deserved. She wasn’t royalty by any means, but she was quite comfortable for being Minmatar...

Looking at dead bodies wasn’t really something that frightened Zukes, but for some reason it did set her on edge. The day of the wake she was calm, reassuring and as thoughtful as possible to her family. She figured it was the best that she could do considering all her father had done for them. The sounds of despair, weeping, and sadness could be heard all throughout the church. Zukes was unsure of why everyone was crying, it was sad of course that he was gone but he died for a good reason.

Walking to the casket, Zukes felt an odd sense of anticipation. Her heart was beating in her throat as she peered over the edge. He was an odd color, almost ashy, this didn’t seem to bother her very much as looked over him closely. He was dressed in his uniform, as tradition, her eyes stopped at his badge. “Zeke Bla’hati” shone brightly back at her, she looked back slowly, making sure that no one was watching her. Quickly and carefully she removed his badge, pocketing it while saying a prayer, then turning away.

Zukes quickly walked outside of the church, clutching tightly at her pocket. Suddenly, the sounds of familiar voices flooded her ears, she quickly ducked around a corner, listening closely. She could hear her uncle laughing loudly.

“Zeke? Poor bastard, Zosma took him for all he owned. He worked too hard for her and those damned kids. Giving them all they wanted...hah, now they’re penniless and he’s dead!”

A women laughed back.

“I wonder what they’ll do now, it seems that they’ve spent the last of their money on this lavish gathering. Pity they didn’t do it sooner before he died, instead they would have rather been travelling or spending money on something useless for their children.”

An older male spoke.

“None of them truly know what it’s like to suffer. I’m ashamed to call them family. I’m ashamed that we share the same Minmatar blood.”

Zukes began to tear as her body started to shake with anger. Her eyes began to flood over as she tried to run past them all, her uncle grabbed at her shoulder. He tried to feign compassion as he looked down at her, “You know we’re only kidding dear! Just a little joke between us adults!”

She shook her head, backing away from them slowly before bolting away with fury and confusion.

Zukes ran, faster and faster until her lungs burned, her legs ached, and her heart felt as if it was going to burst. She was unsure of where exactly she was, but she didn’t really care. It was away from everyone else, away from hate and sadness.

Squinting, she noticed the bright and reflecting water in the sunset.

The sun danced across the ripples of the lake while the faint sound of the water rippling calmed Zukes. She slowly sat on the edge of the deck, sliding off her sandals before lowering her feet into the cool water below.

Slowly, she closed her eyes as she kicked her feet. “What’s going to happen...” she thought to herself. “Why...why would my family be so cruel? Is this why Mama never let us visit them? Surely not...”

Exhaustion quickly sat in. Zukes picked her feet up out of the water and swung them up onto the deck, drying them off with the edge of her dress. She curled up as the sounds of the waves lapping against the deck coaxed her to sleep.

“Zukes...Zukes...? Zukes come on...wake up! We’ve been looking all over for you! Mama is worried sick!”

Zukes slowly opened her eyes, the vision of her sister’s worried face blurred before her. Zhora shook Zukes’ shoulder harder.

“Come on...it’s cold and I’m really tired!”

Zukes slowly sat up, hugging her small sister against her tightly, “I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to make you worry Zhora...”

Zhora crossed her arms, squirming away from Zukes, “I don’t want to hear your excuse right now, but you better have a good one for Mama!”

Zukes climbed to her feet and looked up, Zosma was waiting for her at the end of the deck. She quickly ducked her head down as shame and guilt washed over her body as she began to slowly walk towards her mother.

Zosma quickly ran the last few steps to Zukes, kneeling down and clinging her tightly, “Don’t run off again without telling me...I’ve already lost your father...please...don’t make me lose you too...”

Tears swelled in Zukes’ eyes, she quickly clinged her mother back as she trembled, “I’m sorry Mama...I’m sorry...”

Zosma stood, looking down on her two daughters, “All right you two...we have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Zosma smiled painfully down at her youngest daughter, “No dearest...we need to get ready to move...”

Surprised, Zukes stared at her mother, “Why...where are we moving...?”

“We’re moving to Matar...we can’t afford to continue staying on Syld. It's...far too expensive for us now... Besides, more of our family live there, now is a time for family...” Zosma said with a troubled tone.

“Matar...? But...what about my friends and school Mama?!” Zhora exclaimed.

“We’ll have to make new friends...and don’t worry Zhora. I’ve talked with some people from your father’s work. You’ll be enrolled in school very soon. How would you like to do what your Papa used to do? Working for the Republic isn’t so bad... You’ll do a fine job.” Zosma smiled down weakly at Zhora.

“And die?! Why would I want to work for them!? They couldn’t keep Papa safe, what makes you think that they’ll keep me safe?!” Zhora teared.

“I’m not sure little one...just please...trust me that this will work out...it will have to...for all of us.” Zosma tried to remain calm, but the tears she was painfully holding back slowly began to run down her cheeks.

Zhora picked up on her mother’s worry. Even though she was only ten, her sense of responsibility was far greater than her sisters. “I’ll do it Mama...for Papa...”

Zosma wrapped her arms around both of her daughters, clinging them closely against her while walking towards their vehicle, “Good... I know that you’ll make him proud.”

Zukes followed her mother closely as her mind buzzed with all the new information.

“Matar...? I don’t want to move there... I thought we were just here to bury Papa...” she thought to herself, looking above at the night sky while trying to tamp her feelings down.