I have been living with an opiate addict now for a little over a year, she has been struggling for a long time with her addiction and is now trying to get off (methadone) completely. I have tried edjucating myself as much as possible about addictions and recovery, but I could really use some direct advice. Thank you in advance.

The last couple of months have been hard on us both, financially and emotionally (stress/anxiety was a major factor of the initial addiction). From what I can tell, she has already started detoxing on the current dosage. Her behavior has become much more irrational, she lies and hides things from me all the time now. I love this woman very much, and do not want to any harm to come to her. We have both agreed that a deeper relationship at this time is a bad idea...

I recently found evidence that she has signed up to numerous dating sites, as well as reconnecting with old friends via facebook (mostly men, whom she claims, she is going to for addiction advice). I know she is lying, but I don't know whether she lies to protect me, or herself. Either way though, what she is doing hurts me greatly. How do I confront her, do I confront her yet? Or at all?

October 17, 20136:14 am

onedaythiswillpass

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eonzero,

when you are in love with an addict, life is very bothersome whether it is romantic love or other. If your partner has decided in a real sense to try to get treatment for her addiction & if she is taking these steps towards recovery for her own personal reasons that is wonderful. Since you are not a Rehab facility & because you are not able to respond to her actions objectively it is very difficult to understand what to say or do if you suspect she is being dishonest with you in other areas of her life. The hard part of entire recovery from addiction is learning to be bitterly honest with yourself & those around you.

Many addicts are heavy attention seekers & this new involvement into dating sites & trying to connect with the outside world via the internet might just be her way of transfering one addiction for another. Most Addicts do this without even noticing.

I do not know the basis for your relationship is in real time nor what the future may reveal, but if you have told her that a relationship (physical) at this time is a bad idea, then it might just be her way of getting some attention or confirmation of herself. If she is trying to reform herself out of a substance abuse addiction, she likely needs more of your support, not less of it. The withdrawal period can be entirely devastating for anyone. Is there a reason why she is not in a treatment facility? Are you an addiction counselor or a former boyfriend?

I think you should take a look at your own behaviour & why you are focusing on hers. If you have both agreed that a deeper relationship at this time is a bad idea, why do you care with whom she is speaking & why is it your business?