potty training

We have been trying, in vain, to potty train Vista for going on a year now.

To say she’s not on board with it is putting it mildly.

Some days she does great. But we have to be constantly on her, reminding her to go to the bathroom.

And then the arguments start.

Like tonight.

Bil was doing the bedtime routine and part of that is getting her to use the toilet before getting her pj’s on.

He took off her diaper (which was dry – yay) and told her to go pee on the potty.

V: “No.”

Bil: “Vista, just go pee on the potty.”

V: “No. I don’t have to go pee.”

Bil: “Well, just TRY.”

V: *starts sobbing* “No, because I peed in my diaper…”

Bil: “What? No you didn’t. It was dry. Now go pee on the potty.”

V: *still sobbing* “Then what was that pssssssss sound?”

Bil: *completely bewildered* “What pssssss sound?”

V: “The pssssss sound…. It was the sound of me peeing in my diaper” *cue a fresh round of sobs*

(the kid needs an Academy Award. She can make herself cry at the drop of a hat)

Bil: “Vista…. you did not pee in your diaper. It was dry. Now GO. PEE. ON. THE. POTTY.”

V: “Then what was that psssssss sound? It was….”

Bil: “No! There was no pssssss sound. Your diaper was dry. GO PEE!”

V: “But I don’t have to pee. I peed in my diaper!”

Bil: “You. Did. NOT. Pee. In. Your Diaper. It was dry. If you peed in it, then what happened to the pee? Did it just vanish?”

V: “Yes! It vanished! …… Wait…What’s ‘vanished’ mean?

Meanwhile, I’m sitting in the living room listening to this go down. By the end I think I was laughing so hard I just about peed myself. Hmmmmm…Perhaps I’m not the best person to be trying to potty train my kid after all.