Dear Abby

Don't give up on granddaughter

February 02, 2007|By Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: My granddaughter, "Tiffany," quit school at 16. She got a job as a maid, then quit. She got the job back and was fired. She went to work in a restaurant. It lasted three days -- you get the picture.

Tiffany has lived with various pregnant girlfriends on their child support money until the inevitable squabble occurs and she's kicked out. She has tried alcohol and various drugs -- and is currently "dating" a prisoner who is on work-release and with whom she plans to live with when he's released from jail. She's 19; he's 32. He has been in prison or jail twice, the last time for nine years.

Tiffany wants us to welcome him into the family with open arms, even though she won't tell us his name or why he went to jail. Should we give up on her and disinherit her, or keep trying to persuade her to get out of this ridiculous relationship?

-- Loving Grandparents in Idaho

Dear Loving Grandparents: You have my sympathy. Not only does Tiffany appear to be intellectually challenged, it appears that she has never outgrown the rebellious stage. Are you sure you can't ascertain the identity of the new boyfriend, because I am sure the authorities would like to know that he has been "dating" while on work-release, because it's not what the program is intended for.

As for what to do about your granddaughter: Some people need to learn their life lessons the hard way, and Tiffany appears to fall into that category. However, rather than disinheriting her, consult an attorney who specializes in wills and trusts to see how some money could be put aside to be doled out in the future, should she mature sufficiently to want to complete her education.

Dear Abby: I'm a 15-year-old girl who is confused. My family moved to Montana six years ago, and a couple of years after we moved here my father had an affair. My parents split up for a while, then got back together. Then Dad became an alcoholic and tried to hurt my sister. That's when Mom kicked him out for good.

Not long after that, he found a girlfriend. At Christmas, he got very drunk and tried to hurt the girlfriend. Thanks to my sister's amazingly brave actions, she managed to save the girlfriend.

Dad and this woman are still together, and he still drinks. He is very hard-headed. He thinks my sister is a "rebel" who tries to make him angry. Actually she's a nice person who has thoughts and opinions of her own.

Every time I go to my dad's, I have to act like a different person so that he doesn't do what he did last Christmas. I do not have the guts to do what my sister did. Is it wrong to agree with my father to keep him happy?

-- Confused in Montana

Dear Confused: Considering the fact that your father can become violent, you should do whatever is necessary to protect yourself. What I cannot understand is why your mother would allow you to go to your father's for unsupervised visits. If the reason has to do with child custody and the terms of their divorce, this should be discussed with her lawyer. Enough is enough.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.