The options are many for today’s modern bride

Caroline Corrigan and her husband, Harrison Watkins, of Albany, were raised Catholic. “But we currently do not belong to a parish or participate. So, it didn’t really feel right for us to get married in a church,” she says. “Rather than be married by a priest who doesn’t know us at all, we felt more comfortable asking a close family friend who knows us well to perform the ceremony.”

Like more and more couples today, they chose an officiant who had been ordained online. In 2012, 33 percent of couples chose a friend or family member to officiate, up from 31 percent in 2011 and 2010, and 29 percent in 2009, according to a survey by XO Group, creator of TheKnot.com and WeddingChannel.com.

The survey also revealed that only 35 percent of brides opted to hold their wedding in a house of worship in 2012 — down from 41 percent in 2009. This comprehensive report surveyed more than 17,500 US brides married in 2012.

Photo: courtesy of the couple

Corrigan and Watkins chose Brigid Beckman Schmidt of Albany, the mother of one of the couple’s friends, as their officiant. She had gotten her online ministry certificate through the Universal Life Church in Modesto, Calif., in October 2011.

“Now, I’ve turned it into a business called Bountiful Blessing Events,” Schmidt says, noting she performed two weddings within a week of getting her certificate. “It feels like couples these days don’t necessarily want a church wedding. They also don’t want to go the justice of the peace,” she says. “We are drawn to ceremony and ritual because it draws people tighter. That’s what I love to do — I’m always drawing people together.”

The options for who can officiate at your ceremony are many. Beyond online-ordained ministers and more traditional religious figures such as ministers or rabbis, the list includes city clerks, a village or city mayor, or a county justice.

To be valid, a marriage ceremony must be performed by individuals specified in Section 11 of the New York State Domestic Relations Law listed on the Department of Health for New York website. (See sidebar.)

Most couples, like Corrigan and Watkins, want someone who can help them create something meaningful, personal and memorable. “Standing in front of everyone in your life and stating your vows is a big deal, and we wanted to feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible,” she says. “We already knew that Brigid could speak beautifully, had plenty of ideas for beautiful poetry and words, and would be a great orator to our friends and family for such an important event. It was perfect for us, and we couldn’t have been happier with the result.”

The Rev. Joy Burke of Saratoga Springs has been performing weddings since 2009 when she married her husband’s best friend from 2nd grade. She had been trained in a variety of spiritual practices through the two-year seminary One Spirit Interfaith in New York City.

“It was the original interfaith seminary with three forward thinking people — a priest, minister and rabbi. They trained people in the interfaith, and trained us to create ceremonies,” she says.

Her home is a converted 1869 Methodist church, where she officiates at elopements and small ceremonies with four to six people in her front room. But she also performs customized ceremonies for couples in a variety of places including parks, beaches, barns, museums, country settings, the Saratoga racetrack, private estates and hotel banquet rooms. She has built her business from 10 weddings the first year to over 80 weddings last year.

“I spend about 20 hours creating each one of my ceremonies,” she says, depending on what a couple wants.

“If the ceremony is just something to do to get to the party afterwards and just something to get through, then who I am to judge,” she says. “But if they think the ceremony is the most important part of the day, I can help them with that.”

Burke suggests couples ask questions of potential officiants to see if they fit with their vision. Some of her suggestions include:

Is this your fulltime job? “It’s not easy to have this as your fulltime job. But my couples can reach me, and I can call them back within a few hours. Weddings are first and foremost with me,” she says.

What qualities do you bring to my wedding? “Just because your Uncle Joe got ordained, doesn’t mean he has the experience to stand in front of 150 guests and speak personally about you,” she says.

What do you do with a screaming child? “You have to be more than being a great storyteller at a wedding. If the ringbearer or another child in the audience has a meltdown, it is your job to deal with it so it doesn’t interrupt the ceremony,” she says.

Amanda Boehmer of Saratoga Springs was married by Burke last fall by the reflecting pools at the Hall of Springs in Saratoga Springs. “I was looking through the Internet trying to find someone to marry us. I figured I could find an officiant online. My husband and I found each other online,” Boehmer says. “We wanted a non-denominational officiant who had a good reputation. We didn’t want a justice of the peace. We wanted a real meaningful ceremony.”

Boehmer calls Burke the “Cadillac of officiants.” “She was so fluent in so many readings and so well versed in so many types of religion, history, literatures, and more. She put together something so comprehensive and so personal for us,” she says. “We wanted to incorporate a mix of elements. She did that, and our guests are still talking about it.”

The couple was able to add a lot of song lyrics into the ceremony. The bridesmaids sang and played the piano to “Lean on Me.” The groomsmen all read passages. Boehmer wanted to incorporate her dad into the event, too, even though he had died 10 months before the wedding. A song titled “What Would Love Do,” by Jason Mraz was played in the middle of the ceremony.

“Everyone paused as it played,” she says. “It was exactly what I wanted.”

If a quick, casual and inexpensive ceremony is what you’re looking for, the Albany County Courthouse is a good bet. It costs $40 for the marriage license, and the ceremony in the courts is free.

“I’ve seen them come in blue jeans and T-shirts to the full gown and tuxes,” says Alexis Gomes-Evans, account clerk at the courthouse.

She says that couples can make an appointment to get married by a judge in either the criminal court on Saturday and Sunday mornings, or they can be the one and only couple married early in the morning each weekday in the Albany City Hall.

“Those appointments are booked for months in advance,” Gomes-Evans says. “They come in at 8:45 a.m., and it is performed at 9 a.m. in the judge’s chamber.”

The Legal Fine Print

Alexis Gomes-Evans, account clerk at the Albany County Clerk office in Albany, says that couples getting married in New York must get a marriage license that is good for 60 days. Couples must apply in person to any town or city clerk in the state. The ceremony may not take place within 24 hours from the exact time that the license was issued.

“Once they get that done, they have to find someone to marry them,” she says.

Section 11 of the New York State Domestic Relations Law outlines who can legally perform a marriage ceremony, which includes the mayor of a city or village; a justice or judge of different courts; and a member of the clergy or minister who has been officially ordained.

Andre Hensley, president of Universal Life Church (ULC) in Modesto, Calif., says his church has ordained nearly 20 million people without charge or classes. “They submit an application. Those requests are looked at by someone here, and then they are ordained by that person. Our church believes in the freedom of religion,” he says. “If they have a calling to serve, we will help them do it without cost.”

Not all states require that you register as an ordained minister. Most churches have their own ordination process, he says.

There have been a few lawsuits that involved ULC marriages and whether they were legitimate. In April 2013, the state of New York ruled a ULC wedding was valid despite a husband claiming he didn’t have to go by a prenuptial agreement to his wife during a divorce because he claimed his marriage wasn’t legal through the church, Hensley says.

Whether a priest, rabbi, online ordained friend or someone else marries you, that person must sign the “minister” part of the wedding license and mail it back within five days of the ceremony. The county clerk’s office keeps a copy, and the original is filed with the New York State Department of Health.