I don't really like the word blog, but it seems pointless to fight it, Zis is a blog.
If you want to know more about an Algerian girl who lives in London and struggles with thoughts that are beyond the remits of her understanding, stories of society and social climbers of love and deception and of a status of seemingly eternal singlehood, then you are in the right place...

Thursday, 2 June 2011

Les Algériens pour les Algériennes

A subject I have been putting off for a long time now, but cannot ignore it any longer;

How many comments I’d read and heard from Algerian men complaining about the way they have been treated by Algerian women, they gave up on Algerian women, they feel snubbed, criticised and rejected by all Algerian women at home, in France, England and abroad in general, however I am not so sure about Canada and the US, I think perhaps their small community makes for a more united one comparing with the rest of our community here in Europe.

You always hear some Algerian guy describing how he ended up marrying a European woman because he was rejected by all Algerian women when he decided to “settle” for one of them, they bring up bad souvenirs of how the girls snubbed him in high school and then University, how the fact that he comes from a small town makes the girls from big cities snub him and look down on him during his years at University, a continued theme even overseas, Algerian women, it seems still snub men who come from smaller towns even when they meet abroad, their criteria does not seem to have changed and they remain arrogant to their male counterparts based on geographical or linguistic (different accent) reasons.

One of my readers kindly quoted Kateb Yacine , he said something in the sense of “I dread the day when Algerian women would not look at Algerian men anymore" I think this was such a just and accurate prediction that it is on a Nostradamus’s scale. But what did he base his statement on?

Was he referring to the way Algerian women are evolving past Algerian men or perhaps to the superior speed they are evolving at, or it could be that he (Kateb Yacine) meant that Algerian women have become generally the better tier of the Algerian populace, this may be in some cases, perhaps due to their education, this has a historical cause that is quite known, during the 80s and 90s when women’s rights were suppressed in Algeria and their civil rights were next to nonexistent, These women focused on the one thing they could do with reasonable freedom: Studies; they attended universities, they excelled, obtained degrees and climbed the career ladder as much as there was scope for; making them superior to the general male population of Algeria who were not always as concerned with further studies post the ages of 18, although this is not true for all Algerians but for the most part I believe.

Algerian women having reached a certain level of emancipation and freedom, I will not go as far as claiming gender equality but Algerian women are known for claiming their rights and being fighters, a systematic consequence I believe to the years of suppression, is that when the Algerian women finally reached the level of social status, financial freedom and educational level she strived for, she looked back to the Algerian men and thought “I can do better than this”

The number of Algerian women marrying non Algerians has been on the rise since the late nineties, The Algerian woman in general perceive the Algerian man as the oppressor, the man who would take over from her father and brothers in the confinement regime, the financial sequestration and general cause of her discontent.

In the meantime, men feel resentful towards the Algerian women for many other factors, such as arrogance and snobbishness, being difficult to approach, dishonesty, deceit to a certain level, being materialistic, being extremely superficial and for the false image they present of being the perfect loving and understanding future wife only to undergo a whole personality makeover within weeks of the wedding, making it a sham and leading to discontent and ultimately divorce.

So Algerian men also started looking away from their female counterparts, marrying Europeans (English and Polish being the most popular choices).

The Algerian woman doesn’t seem to take offence at this trend, whereas the Algerian man seems to feel insulted and indignant when Algerian women marry a non Arab/Muslim, this phenomenon seems to be spreading amongst the Algerian community in Algeria and abroad, Algerian girls now dream of meeting and ultimately marrying a European man with the hope of leading “la belle vie” away from Algeria, this European man who would encourage her self development, acknowledge her religion and culture if she has strong ties to it herself, who will not try to oppress her and hopefully treat her as his equal.

With this new tendency of Algerians turning away from each other and exploring new horizons and opportunities in terms of marriage, women seem to always offer each other the very wise “You don’t belong with an Algerian, you belong with a European”, which seems to be quite the compliment.

I know Algerian men are known to be complicated, difficult, bad tempered, stubborn, macho, jealous, annoying, and judgmental but what man of any other culture or religion is not one or many of these things? It is a sad day when a nation is divided between males and females renouncing each other, if this new trend continues what will become of our culture, language, history and children?

Who exactly were you representing or speaking on behalf of??? Le me tell you that I know hundreds of Algerian women here in London and elsewhere and none of them have this mentality and almost all ended up marrying Algerians and are very happy with their choice. Anyone thinking about 'la belle vie' with a European is ignorant and deluded, unless the man is a proper Muslim, otherwise what belle vie will be waiting for them in their grave! I know a lot of Algerian men do have this mentality that if an Algerian woman rejects them it's because she's a snob and looks down on them but this is not the case at all! Many times I've been accused of being arrogant for not responding to a man's advances or signs of interest (and it happened all the time when I didn't use to cover up islamically) but it just wasn't like that! I just didn't find it religiously appropriate and felt uncomfortable or the man just didn't appeal to me (wasn't my type), other than that Algerian men were definitely my preference and I love them! I honestly think they are better than MANY other nationalities in many ways!

Oh again with the representation!! Miss Harriet A – thanks for your comment (in 2014, post was published in 2011) that's fair enough. Hundreds of women you say? well that is great news for the Algerian men who don't want them ;)Anyway, I personally think things have moved on and changed since I wrote my post in 2011. but that's only in my immediate entourage and a small extension of it in LONDON perhaps, my research demographics is not wide. BUT go to Algeria and tell me this isn't true! ;)

I still would like to be with an Algerian man despite all the known de facto misery that would follow such a union.

hmmmm, this post raised my eyebrows. well i wanna marry a girl from Algeria, she's nice but this article made me think what i'm doing. I love her too bits but if these are the reasons she wanna get married to me, i would rather stop it now. you mentioned 'they present of being the perfect loving and understanding future wife only to undergo a whole personality makeover within weeks of the wedding, making it a sham and leading to discontent and ultimately divorce.' this point has always been in my mind but i have never being able to proove it.

The day after zombretto day:For an apeupriste attempt it's quite insightful and interesting post!I wonder if they have similar concerns in Tdw country with the blue passport :) The point I want to raise is what's the percentage of people who have or are considering mixed marriages? is algeria rate higher than other countries? or is it just a question of The Times They Are a-Changin'

Also I'm becoming suspicious of Tdw and his keen interest in algerian matters and yet being secretive about his own nationality, come on Tdw did you have an arranged marriage? or is it a case of bad AIDS :) do tellML

I don't think there is any kind statistics or research done on the subject, I looked everywhere, I am the first to touch on the subject would you believe!

Times are changing of course and a higher number of mixed marriages are taking place, but I cannot give you a precise or estimated number, this is based on my personal experience and general observations I guess.

@ TDW: It could be perceived as being one sided from the UK based Algerian, but I had the same concerns when I was based in Algeria. Interesting!!!

I do agree with most of the points you raised but I personally think its just a logical progression the more people travel and live abroad the more mixed marriages there will be.Nothing to panic or worry about :) the only worrying thing is that people are "willing" to marry :)

@ML: spot on! i am indeed a blue-passported spy with arranged marriage (aka village girl) issues. maybe you can help me out ... :P

i don't understand why you need to know my nationality though?ok ok so you guessed it right am north-eastern indian. does knowledge of this piece of info make you slightly warmer inside and put your paranoia at rest? lol

@Tdw now I can sleep peacefully and not watch my back when out and about:)@DZC not anti marriage at all more pro sanity :) it's a joke, I watch too much comedy and the trials and tribulations of marriage are a recurring theme !

actually am from les iles maurices as you guys call it (it's actually only 1 tiny island) - so yes flip flops, camp fires on the beach, cyclones, beach-side bbqs and just general tropical awesomeness are not unknown to me ;) .no worries though ML, you can sleep well tonight and every other night, we don't know each other :p

you could say my general interest in culture and anthropology is what brings me here ... besides i can draw a lot of parallels between my own experiences and what i read here so that's also interesting.anyway, i have a special indefinite leave to remain status here courtesy of DZC :p

very interesting post indeed...I was discussing with my other single friends the other day..I find it disappointing that Algerian men look at us differently and treats us differently to europeans..just because they have that impression that we are nasty and all. From my personal experience, when you are out on a dinner with algerian men or friends in general..you can see the difference he talks to a european and to an algerian lady. and it is so sad...and I am sorry, most of them that i have personally dealt with, they reject the algerian girls from a single problem..obviously life isnt gonna stop at that problem but you deal with it and life goes on..instead he is stubbon, temper and all comes..obviously, we all know that all girls are romantic and likes to be treated specially but I think algerian men still have that idea of a woman obeying the rules...but unfortunately in every house, we all have to obey the rules of thermodynamics...I agree with the questions you asked tho, what is gonna happen to us girls who wanted to marry an algerian??? I can discuss that all night lol.........................................

I completely disagree with you DZCFirst of all let me clarify, After DarkSarcasm I was the second person to comment on your blog. And holds the highest number of comments in the most popular post so far. So I know when you write such a long post you are primarily talking about my views, which were backed by a few but not many Algerian guys. Not many more people spoke about this in the entire blog.I would be very reluctant to assume all Algerian men had the same experience, but a lot of the ones I know. But then we might be a very small minority of immigrants. I was certainly only talking about this case and set of particular circumstances and I definitely have a lot of socio-environmental common factors with Algerian men I know.I feel, your post, if generalised, would be very unfair to Algerian women as a result.Now let’s clarify what I said ages ago. First of all, I don’t know a single Algerian girl in the UK, never asked one out, never hit on one, never fancied one consequently.Second, the ones backhome when I was a kid, yes I never got enough attention, but then it was entirely my fault! I did not put enough Gel on and did not drive a moped (nowadays you need a car), and never put effort into learning how to approach Algerian girls. Can you blame them for what they do when they are 14? I am sure not. They were just impressionable girls, and a few guys ,often not interested in studies got always the girls (some of them really cool guys I have to say and till today best friends). Of course I don’t eventually regret that as studies came first to me. Perhaps I blamed them when I was drunk, and I don’t think it was very thoroughly thought out.Hence, you see why I am very reluctant for you to globalise the whole issue.Till today I am incredibly useless at speaking to Algerian girls. I don’t particularly resent that, it is just elmektoob, it is just the way I spent my childhood and subsequently my adolescence in the UK, where as I said, it was mostly involving 0% knowledge of any DZ girl. I just cannot speak to Algerian girls, point blank.Now it is true I don’t know any Algerian girl, but I know of some, and few of them are said to be decent which I could instantly agree with, but again I would not say they were hard to approach, I never gave a damn try, sometimes for stupid WRONG reasons, such as if they wore a veil.Of course, since I am now happily with someone, and whilst I believe in destiny, I think it would be still unfair to generalise, especially on those girls who were nice and were not given a chance just because they were religious for example. Hence I feel strongly about these ones, and would go very far defending them. Perhaps I am having too much GUILT going on.All in all, I don’t think the situation is as bad as you know it. The type of Algerian girls, who are grown up in the DZ and moved to the UK and are still arrogant, snobbish, self obsessed, full of themselves and look down at Ouled Elbled, despite having left DZ a long time ago, and who fail to learn positive things from being UK are still a minority in my view and are TO BE AVOIDED.

'Perhaps I blamed them when I was drunk'?? Sorry but was really stuck by this sentence coming from an Algerian! You don't sound like the average Algerian at all, no wonder you've never had a chance with an Algerian girl! You sound Very odd and far from deen, so of course u wouldn't have approached a girl with a veil! And better for them and for you.

I had no idea you were the same Anonymous! Since you never used a recognisable pseudo! And of course you disagree, when did you ever agree with me :) but that's all part of the dialogue.

However, I think your head is the size of a small country, you actually think this whole post is about you? You don't think I know people outside of this blog? You're not the subject of this post though your views helped in a general manner.Do you know the song by Carly Simon? You're so vain, I bet you think this blog is about you? Don't you? ;)

I just thought there was sufficient hints, including quoting most of what I said indirectly. Just check the two posts and see how many words are similar :)No I don't think this blog is about me. I don't know the song either.

In any case, it needed to be clarified since this stuff is floating arround the internet and could cause damage if misunderstood.

I believe it is the same in different countries actually. A japanese friend told me she would never consider japanese men, a turkish friend that she would never marry a turk, an italian would never go out with italians. I think you've touched an interesting and as yet unexplored sociological phenomenon - the law of the grass is always greener globalised...and yet in second marriages usually people choose their own...

Why is it that you are so determined to end up with an Algerian man? Is it for cultural / religious reasons or do you simply find yourself more attracted to Algerians than other nationalities? There seems to be a lot of people in this city with very fixed ideas about romance and the sort of person they want to date, their nationality etc. Isn't the whole idea of falling in love a spontaneous one that could involve someone from an entirely different background to your own? Surely you are limiting your options here.

Pandemic indeed I have hits from Japan and Norway, Saudi Arabia, Brazil, Russia and somebody reads me A LOT from Malaysia!! I wonder who these avid readers are and whether they'll ever show themselves!! come out come out wherever you are!!

@ Anonymous: Love is anything but spontaneous these days! you can't even meet people to fall in love with them! I set my criteria, I have my reasons, religion being one of them of course, but I don't find myself attracted to other Arab nationalities, only DZ do it for me!!! am doomed aren't I!!

Didn't know it's all about anonymous with the "small country" head ! I'm sure everything everybody thinks or says can be traced back to anonymous one way or another :)he's the centre of the universe man !I do appreciate his comment though and its honesty, and everybody else's , it's refreshing to have these opinions and ideas spelt out and in the open.I hope algerians, be it male or female will have the intelligence to not dismiss and discard each other in the lovey dovey matters !There are no facts, only interpretations. Nietzsche

@ML: that statement encompasses itself and also it would seem to indicate that science was not really Nietzsche's forte.

@DZC: so your blog is now a global phenomenon ... soon you'll be famous and taking that just a bit further, i see a reality tv show based around you (as the prize) with lots of eligible bachelors vying for your hand ;) . you like the sound of that?

@DZC: to make it even more phenomenal, the prize only gets revealed after the winner has been announced.

would you say Brazil seems to be the most odd entry in that country list? regarding the funny keywords, i suppose some of them would be pretty naughty looking for poor people's movies (so poor they can't afford clothes).

@Tdw regarding the nietzsche statement: the earth is flat was once a scientific "fact" ! you not getting his statement is a "fact" too :)@DZC I like the 3 hits from nigeria, next you will get an email stating you won the nigerian national lottery, send us your bank details please ;)

@ Maleko: I know it's bad but I kinda was worried when I saw Nigeria! though oh crap they're hacking my damn blog! or I would just win the national lottery of AFRICA and they have $25,000 to deposit into my bank account.

@ML: "absolutely true", the "fact" that i probably did not "interprete" it correctly still doesn't mean that Mitch did get the point of scientific concepts ;) - tbh, just saying for the sake of discussion

Going back to the subject: Forgive me, I am saying this is not all Algerian men are like this BUT:As an Algerian woman, who knows hundreds of Algerian women, I don't think that we look down on Algerian men, I think that they scare us, because they are not really looking for a wife, but really for a wife that does not have a mouth to talk back, a woman that shouldn't have an opinion, a woman that should be a kids making machine, that is ready for him when he needs her for his intimate needs.We are scared of Algerian men because they don't care about how we feel, they don't care about what we think, we shouldn't think, because they are not romantic. Because ROMANTISME is only in Egyptian, Hindi or American chick flics.The best time of an Algerian relationship is the engagement period, and maybe the first month of marriage, then that's it! now you are married, it's time to start making babies, and became the maid, the bag that his anger gets thrown in, the face that gets slapped if she doesn’t agree, or doesn’t want to do what he wants her to.The woman has no existence in his mind; she is the wife, his POSSESSION, and she has to do what he wants her too.We love Algerian men, we love his “redjla” ( Matchoness), we love the greatness of his heart, we love his commitment to be the MAN of the house, if he could just add a little bit of romantisme to that, it would be a total package!We don’t look down on Algerian men, it’s just the way they approach us, they right the way want to show us that they are the boss, we know it, we don’t want you to display it on the first move.What makes me sick also, is that many men that I know around me here in the US, is that they were married with American or European women, they get treated like crap, they are miserable, because these women don’t put up with their habits, they don’t let them control them. Then they divorce, and then they want YOUNG Algerian women. THEN they treat these Algerian women like a slave. It does happen; I see it every day here! It makes me sick! NOW My fellow Algerian men, I am not accusing all of you, I know of lots of Algerian men, that are wonderful, romantic, so sweet with their wives, almost like dreams come true. And some of them are my brothers and my uncles, and a lot of my friends.There are a lot of guys like that out there, but… where are they???

Ya NedjmaI have seen more Algerian-Algerian broken marriages than Algerian-XXX (though Algerian-English seem to be the most successful of mixed marriages).Not sure about American women, but English women (fine English ladies I am talking about not trash) seem to be very good for Algerian men (usually educated Algerian men I am talking about). May be because they appreciate our big heart as you describe it, and are willing to cover for our shortcomings in cooking and lack of romanticism (which I will be the first to admit we Algerian men are proud to be CATEGORICALLY NOT ROMANTIC).English women also LOVE not working after having children SANS COMPLEXE, which is quite comforting if needed in the future to look after children etc., of course if there is not financial barrier.Oh yea, regarding Algerian men married to foreigners, before getting married I think they should ensure that their wife is willing to cooperate in the building a home in the Algerian way (i.e. Roles and Responsibilities), if things don’t work out then a divorce can result, which is what you noticed.Anyways touch wood and fingers crossed for the rest of us :)Anonymous

"I'm Scottish, or British if you'd prefer (though not English :P), and I'm married to an Algerian man (as I think every man and his dog knows). I feel slightly sorry for all the Algerian women as the British seem to be marrying all their men..."

Algerian men are wonderful, the way they are with their British girlfriends is so wonderful, no wonder they (Brits) want to marry them, we (Algerian women) only ask to be treated the same way they treat our British counterparts. Why wear different gloves with us!

"LOL, then they complain why Algerian women marry 3rab from other countries and get all worked out, it's like can't they get a life... ya3ni ma yahadrosh when al jazaireyaat ytzawjoh m3a l ajaneb w 7ta eli mahosh mslm w yshtarow ki yetzawjoh m3a nass who are mn same 3arg, osool w deen... Let 'em be, they just end up dying alone with a messed up family, imagine how long they needed to wake up? till they reach their fifties, I am telling you they need someone to fix their brains out"

I suppose DZC is really right, my head is the size of a small country.

in all honesty, i just picked the first 2 random things that came to my mind that had some connection with gloves but Anonymous el numero uno, you might have a good point there.

thoughts DZC?

you can think of me as some sort of moderator (and occasional firestarter) between your exchanges. i feel the tension between you; i make sure it's distributed equally to create that quasi-romantic equilibrium

equally probable is that, i might have issues ... but one can never be sure.

WHAT??? WELL THIS IS JUST PRECIOUS!I don't hate you, I have no reason to, it's all done and said light heartedly, I asked you a serious question re: chip on my shoulder and you said I scare you! called you chicken (obviousely a joke) you called me a rude ****

So.....really don't know what to say!

I have nothing festering in my heart about you, I hold no grudges against anyone, Au contraire, the fact that you're one of my oldest readers I thought we have a good relationship.

run along side him? how fast are you?you don't need to be tamed? surrrrreeee ;-)

that's cool re: meeting. is this the first time you meet some1 through your blog?am sure the following was exchanged:Malek: "there's something fishy about tdw, he's not algerian, why does he comment on the blog?"You: "yeah he's a weirdo but he's harmless"

@ Bruno: I hope that you are joking about the "only Algerian men being good are only them in my family, if you read well my post, I said: some of them, are the men in my family and friends circle, which I still believe and know of great number of wonderful Algerian male. And thank God you don’t have to be sorry for the Algerian women as you took all our men, there is plenty of fish in the sea, we choose to give our left overs Hun! As you read we snob what you get LOL! @ Anonymous:You know how much I had to fight personally to be a stay at home mom, so I can be with my children, drive them to their activities, and just be there with them, I had no luck with that, as matter of fact, Day cares and school raised my children, so I refused to have more if I didn’t get that privilege on raising them by myself.I am not the only Algerian woman in my community here in the states going thru not being able to be a stay at home mom, because” the Algerian men “does not want that privilege for us. Even though financially they do really well. A very unusual response here is” I am working my butt of and so you should you, in result we work twice as much, because we do the day job, then the wives job, how about that?? Hein??Oh I have to mention one more thing. About the men controlling the wives money, don’t tell me it’s not true, I see it all the time, I have a friend who only gets the bus money even though she makes over 5000 Dollars a month she is not even allowed to buy a car, because he doesn’t want her to get FAT!!!!. Now don’t tell me that she lets him walk on her toes, but she respects him, because she doesn’t want to be judged as a “not so good” Algerian wife, or people talking... WTF????Men just please agree that you are scared and like to be bullied, butt kiss the foreigner because she doesn’t know you as we do hahamakan, mafiha walou, rana ga3 3labalna ;)Most of non-Algerian women like to put down Algerian men, I met very few women that really have respect for their husbands, and those are the one who hit the jack pot, the ones who married men that make really good money, otherwise most of mixed marriages involving Algerian men don’t succeed, that’s why they come back to Algerian women, DUH guys!!! Don’t see it all the time?Mixed marriages involving Algerian women are usually more successful, because women are treated better, they are happier. Please the reality is so obvious. Why try to contradict what’s so true, maybe you should just think on how we can things better for the rest of us.BUT AGAIN, as long as you’re happy, marry whoever you want to, it is a personal business at the end, live and let live, as long as the women you marry when you are on your dying bed pooping on yourself, she would be happy to be there for you, clean you, hold your hand, and pray for you.

@NejmaAbout the men controlling the money: Yes I know it happens, but I am shocked it happens outside Algeria.Just one thing, happiness is not about money or what you call hitting the jackpot.I am sorry but unlike DZ Immigrant-Bledarde relationships, DZ-Immigrant-DZ Immigrant marriages have higher failure rate than DZ Immigrant-Western marriages.Obviously you are including les Marriages Blancs where Algerian men set out from the begining to eventually marry a Bledarde (I stress not a fellow DZ immigrant).This as far as I am concerned is not really "Coming back to you".

@ Haniya, Thank you very much, I like what you say a lot too girlfriend! LOVE from too @Tdw, I know Hein, it is true though, but I am going to comment more in a bit.@ Anonymous, OOOhhh yes dear, you have no idea how much it is happening, outside Algeria, and to MY SURPRISE! It happens less and less in Algeria, actually even a mixed couple I know (she is American, he is Algerian) have that problem. I agree with you, happiness is absolutely not about money, but we have to agree, that if a man is not making good money, you think that most foreign woman will accept him for his beauty? He maybe gets accepted for his energy and sexual performance, but after a while, sex does not pay the bills, these women move on.And Agree with you again Anonymous on DZ vs. DZ marriages, maybe more successful here in the us, but do you know why they fail? I was not actually talking about les marriages Blancs, those are obvious. I’ll tell you why in my opinion, and for what I see: Most of the time Algerian men divorced from a non-Algerian woman whether a marriage that failed is or a marriage for paper work, this men goes back home and has his mom and sisters look for a woman for him. First of all: he is over 40, has played his life out, has been around the block, has had so much fun, he wants a woman that’s between 20 to 28 max, he wants her to be more educated, even though he is not. And don’t tell me it’s not true, maybe NOT ALL ALGERIAN MEN WANT A TEENAGER, but most of them do, why?? Because: She maybe didn’t meet lots of men before him “maybe”, supposedly she has a better chance to make ‘Healthy babies. And she is fraiche and young so he can’ mold’ her to his liking her opinion is really not forged in a way an older girl is.. And on top of that sexually she is still: ZA3ma new to this so he can do whatever he wants to.Older girls, have experience, probably met few men before him, they speak up their minds, they won’t let men control them. And most of time, these women are more educated that’s why those marriages fail.Algerian men, don’t go back home to look for girl them self, get to know her, see if they are really compatible. And more.They don’t want an Algerian woman from their area either (London, France or The states, or whatever they live) because they are too Europeanized, and can’t be tamed, no matter what their back round is.

I am not saying that NON ALGERIAN WOMEN are bad, not at all, there are the ones that maybe will put up with anything, and are so brave, I am not saying they are heart less, please don’t understand me wrong, I have a lot of respect for all women, all women with no exception, Algerian and non-Algerian, Most of my girls friends are not Algerians. Of course there are exceptions all over the place, and in all subjects, we are talking about what is most common here.And YES I agree with you that it all depends on the woman, that’s so true of course.

Ok Just so you guys know, I am no expert on relationships (I could be though) I am not miss know it all, But I am in the beauty business, and an interpreter for the court system, and travel a bit around the states for divorce cases, for DZ vs. DZ marriages or DZ vs. Non DZ marriages, I worked also a lot in Algeria in the beauty business, next to a hammam ;) I knew lots of Algerian women back in Algeria, and I know most of Algerian, women from the Arab world, British, Australian, German, and of course American ladies.It maybe does not make me an expert, but when a woman sits on her Hairdress’s or estheticians chair, and starts to relax, and talk about personal stuff, believe me there are stories that are worth books and books of stories, and could be best sellers I promess you that.Now, not only Algerian men, Iraqi, Lebanese who we thought are maybe the best, Moroccans, Tunisian, they are all the same, and these nationalities encounter the same problems and dilemmas.So to really come to the bottom of it, I can say that Algerian men are the best!! Really, they are, because they do mostly no matter how their characters are, they do have a great heart.Don’t we say” AL ROUJOU3OU ILA AL ASSLI FADHILA” Sah?Sorry for my long posts too, there is so much to say about everything.With all the respect for all women and men, Cheers!Nedjma

Ahlen Si Kada,Marhba beek, Vaux mieux tard que jamais  Marhaba any time, je suis sure que DZ-Chick would love any input we can give about any subject on here, that’s the purpose of her blog, am I right DZ-Chick?Lalla ya khouya, je ne vois aucun problem qu’un gars de 40 ans cherche une fille de 20 et 28ans. Si cela les rends heureux, mabrouk 3lihoum, pourvue qu’ils soit heureux.When there is a big gap in age in a marriage, it’s like a mixed marriage, it often ( not always) ends up in a failure, at least in many cases, the men becomes very jealous, the woman thinks he really doesn’t deserve her after all, and so forth, and j’en passe .But I saw marriages, where there is a huge age difference and they are wonderfully happy, so see, we can’t really tell. Only the Almighty knows.But my point is: if a man that’s 40, goes for a woman that’s more between 28 to 38 or older, maybe things could be different, if they could just open their minds to an older girl, she could be more mature, more ready for life, easy to understand her man, and could be a wonderful cook ;) then he can really find a great companion unsted of just a wife, where the marriage ends up being a routine. Bessah, ya khoya bessahtou, il peut la prendre a 16ans si cela lui chante( et j’en a vu aussi). Je ne Suis pas le juge de vie des humains sur terre.Again, I am not generalizing, but just saying.I don’t usually judge, or give my opinion to people, or suggest, or butt into peoples’ business in the real world, whoever makes you happy go for it! Whatever makes you happy go for it. At the end, as long as you’re happy the world is a better place. I just like the debates on here, and just want to share some of my experiences around me!At the end, it all comes to destiny, ‘KOUL HA OU ZAHROU’Bessah gouli ya si Kada, or somebody else, what do we do with the 30 and older women??

@Nedjma you gave me a headache too! all I read is "taming", "earning loads","controling"... seems like afterall life in the US is not what its cracked up to be :) I believe all this pressure and aggro is self-inflicted! you seem to be following a blueprint that's outdated, you can only sort of use your own experiences to come to your own conclusions, but that is not "the" reality, its "your" reality !@DZC thanx for the privilege of being the first, I rarely come first at anything :)

Ga3 les femmes et les hommes yachkou men wled/bnet baldhoum. Being Algerian is irrelevant...you'll hear the same thing from the English, French even the Banghalis....however,the real issue here is the emotional immaturity of the individuals themselves masked under an indigenous umbrella.

As for me it's simple, I ONLY want a submissive bent bladi in a dirty kind of way.....wach 3lih tatfachach 3liya apres. wach 3lih ta3asab rassha ou tserfi the net..etc

@ GMA, submissive...malik ghir roh adi bent dowar sahla 3lik..i dont think there will be algerian girls submissive in the uk since all of us are independent...i hoped u d say, someone loving, sensitive and feminine to love me and honour me in every way...but u wanted her to be submissive...no appreciation of her personality whatsoever...do u think the relationship would last..since u order and she applies as said by the GOD of the house...

Since when talking about marriage or relationship a sign of backwardness?? This is a serious sociological topic, and I can assure a phenomenon that not only Algerians worry about, would you believe even the Brits get married!! ohhhh

Now, if you have nothing constructive to add, I'd have t ask you to restrict your comments to the weather. Thank you

Anonymous...m sure u dont want to be 40 and alone that is why people like us discuss these subjects as part of grown ups life so u understand life better as i think it does suck big time being an adult...but if u dont think it is important or you are not a gronw up then dont read and comment nonsense and go play if u think us as grown ups suck

Whilst I sympathise with Nedjma and understand her frustration, I do have unfortunatelya bad feeling that she might have inflicted her situation upon her elf. If I understand correctlywomen like Nedjma ask for divorce or run away at the first ramp in a marriage, they are not in for it together, for better and for worse. It is a shame some people are like this.I am really pissed off she is doing her best to bully me by effectively saying I will die alone pooing myself and that my woman will never respect me or will leave me eventually. Quite nasty and black hearted stuff indeed. I tell you something: I am willing to take the risk, it is JUST A DIVORCE, so leave me alone!You keep retracting and saying: except my brothers, except my friends, except……What on earth are you basing your generalisations on then? On newspapers stories?Why say anything if you are just shitting your mouth each time you speak!Sorry to other commenters , I am usually quite nice, and do my best not to show the bad side of me. But this Nedjam has really pissed me off. As ML said she really has done us a headache.My advice to you Nedjma: back to the basics, as yourself:A) Is there anything I am doing that I need to stop doing?B) Is there anything that I am not doing that I need to start doing?Anonymous (properly pissed off)

To All, Sorry, N'hab eta3lik, Allah ghaleb;). I just commented what was close to my heart.I didn’t mean to piss anybody off, or give headache, so far from my intentions.To pissed off anonymous, if you read my last post, I had explain why I am so passionate about the subject, that I am no expert, just what I see around me.“Women like Nedjma ask for divorce or run away at the first ramp in a marriage, they are not in for it together, for better and for worse. It is a shame some people are like this.”My dear pissed off, YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT SO EVER WHO I AM? If you just knew, your opinion would change I guaranty it to you, if you are a man with a heart, as it really seems in your post.My bad, my intentions are not to piss you off, or bully you. Or give anybody a headache.I am sorry againI am myself,

@ Anonymous l'original: Nedjma did not mean to piss you off, she has had a bad and extensive experience in the subject and had to say her piece/peace (which one?)

Nejma no body is saying you gave a headache in a bad way, just that long comments are difficult to read and people stop reading and start making assumptions because they skim read like a certain someone ;)

I prefer peace personally I agree, loooong posts end up being boring, and as readers we lose track of the subject, true I didn’t realize how loooong it was, until I reread it.Aya Khlass emala, GROUP HUG h’na tani.Nedjma.

NedjmaNo problem at all, my heart can surely accommodate you. We all make mistakes, but it is important to listen. And I did not mean to stop you from expressing your views freely or for that matter reduce the number of people contributing to this blog.Obviously when you talk about a group of people, then you are talking about every single person from that group. I happen to be one of that group and whilst you did not address me personally I felt offended, especially with the use of such vile words, and hence I used the word “You effectively”.I understand your frustration and why a lot of Algerian women who are also frustrated might hurry to support you on this, despite the fact that most what you said was pure ignorance (in an innocent way). You simply have not mixed enough. If you did then you will find that these western people are just like us. They just want to get on with their livelihoods. Some of them have spouses with terminal illnesses and they stand by them until the last second. And of course I have seen enough to make me move out of that traditional mind-set that you have.I realise I am unique here because of my “Betrayer” status, and completely understand when the whole place roars in frustration when faced with the truth. I just try to be civilised and argue my point.Having said that, you did catch me in the wrong moment and having had a couple of glasses, I raise the glass and say: to us, to a hug, for all. To happiness without any frustrations.Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, I am glad that you replied the way you did, it just made me realize that I didn’t really use the right words, and yes my words weren’t kind indeed. As you said I was probably having a bad moment, and I didn’t even have a couple of glasses, can you imagine if I had?

I did mix a lot, but maybe not enough to use my judgment., and yes these people are just like us, I soooo agree with you, and I am soo thankful to have them around me, they have been there for me, you’re right, what was I thinking?? But believe me, life hasn’t been a piece of cake around here, but I thank God for every day, bad or good.No matter what I do see the glass half full, thank you khouyaAnd yes, I raise my Glass of Hamoud Bou3lem( I wish) and to all of us PEACE IN OUR HEARTS!Nedjma

What's the problem with being born in the sixties? What's the problem with being old fashion?Being old fashion to me is having more experience in life, and more winsdome, it's actually a complement. And being from the sixties is one of the best times ane one of the best generation:)Isen't vintage expensive?So to satisfy your curiosity I am not born in the sixties, but thanks again, I'll take the complement.

I understand your dilemma DZ-Chick, however I think this situation is common accross the globe; I left my homeland (Former Yougoslavia) thinking I dont want to be with someone from back home as they are all narrow minded, backward etc.... Years later after meeting people from various different nationalities, I realised that I have most in common with the mediteranean types and that relationships with British men is not for me even though I idolised them before. When I was with my last english boyfriend I realised that I miss being around people from my background. However, I have finally settled down with a lovely dutch man who is nothing like the man from back home but suits me perfectly. so go figure......

I'm sick and tired of feminist Algerian girls constantly trying to prove a point about how stong and independent they are. English girls are far more accepting of traditional gender roles and have been emancipated for far longer than you girls have. Dating an Algerian is such a hassle

I'm sick and tired of Algerian guys happy to live it up til they get to thirty and then marry a girl from home in the mould of his mother.

any algerian guy that says she looks down on him because he's not a big city guy is lying to himself.

you said at the end that Algerian men are known to be complicated, bad tempered, difficult, macho, studdorn, jealous, annoying and jusgemental.........I think this is sufficient to refuse to marry him. But there is one thing with intricates me. why do most algerian men treat algerian women like that whereas they are generally behaving the opposit with the non-algerian women.

By the way, you entend to marry an algerian man, I wonder if he will like seeing you spending time behind the screen writing / and bloging thru the net. Ask for permission before marrying loll

I see the same issues arise in the UK as here in Canada or the States where I live. I stayed single until I was 38 because of our Algerien men marrying American women, when asked, they would state " they found no Algerien women in the USA" a bunch of bull, we all know the majority of them did not have papers and marrying an American was easy and a way for them to obtain papers. But then 5 years later when it seems the majority of them get divorced because of "cultural or religion differences" they call it. They go looking for an Algerian woman as if we are or were second choice to them. Sorry you are an adult and took your road now deal with your mistakes as a man..

Now after searching back home for one who would accept me being educated and growing up outside of Algeria was a hard task as well.. finally found one in Canada, which I had to up and move and restart my life in, found one of those "needles in a haystack" Algerian men who stayed waiting for an educated Algerian woman who lived outside to marry..

Those whom claim we do not give them the time of day are not telling the truth, there are many single Algerian women in the USA and Canada, but many of our men just are lazy to look for them..Or they just fill the non Algerian women with this bs so they feel sorry for them.. either way it is deception on their behalf and shame on them..

Hi Taziri, I am glad you managed to find your rare pearl in the misdst of all the mayhem that seems to be going on in the US and Canada.

The "Paper" issue is a common one everywhere for Algerians and non-Algerians as you know, but yes we do seem to be the second choice, I prefer to think of it as the ultimate choice. ;) I try to be positive now that I am finally happy.

Nowadays there is reciprocity believe me...some Algerian women do attack...

Reading some of the posts and the comments...it's really hard to blame each other...I would just say that there are some Alg-men who are bad and some Alg-women who are bad...very bad though!...for me as long as the woman is muslim and bent familya as we say, thats the main thing....

That's for sure, there is bad and good, beautiful and ugly...everywhere and in every gender...Also regarding the chrological side of the posts...I think "dawakhtini" as well...I red somewhere (July 2011) that you have finally found your soulmate...anyway, inchaallah you find it soon, and wishing you all the best!Have a good day

DZ-chick, just found your blog and its really interesting....addressing the whole issue of Algerian men and women going for other nationalities.....however no-one has really mentioned how things are AFTER they get married.

Being only half algerian myself, and knowing lots of others like myself, i really don't understand why algerian men always run off with europeans or latinos?

Obviously not all, but quite a lot of Algerian men are stubborn, quick tempered, possessive, attention seeking, Big headed etc. I know these are all very negative descriptive words, but its true, I'm not going to lie, there are many men like this. They have this need to feel important, to feel as though they are always right, and that they are always needed. And i think one of the problems they face is that Algerian women can be equally as stubborn, possessive, attention seeking etc. In the end both have strong characters and they end up clashing. I shall explain what i mean...

For an Algerian man to feel important...they need a woman who is always there to serve their every need, who admires them, pampers them, accepts and does everything he says without question. They basically want a woman who is obedient......and they get this from foreign women, who find algerian men very appealing. At a younger age, Algerian men are laid back, chilled, they go out partying, they are not all particularly religious, they are mediterranean, they are arab, they can speak french, they appear to be so damn exotic and thats what attracts the ladies. So...these ladies thinking they've got a good catch , naturally give the algerian men the attention and sense of importance they want. As well as this, european men are probably not as possessive as Algerian men over their women, and this is another thing european women find appealing. All of a sudden, they feel, protected, safe and important, so they give Algerian men a lot of attention.

Now can you really expect an Algerian lady to behave in the same manner? Allowing a man to be the boss of her? I don't think so. Algerian women are FIESTY creatures. We like the men have strong minds. We ourselves need attention, need to be made to feel important. But we are also stubborn! Even if we need a man in our life, we are not going to admit it! We make things hard for Algerian men, because we have high expectations of them, and we expect them to reach them. We are not going to give you all that attention, pamper you, make you feel important unless you deserve to be, and unless you make us feel important too.

Unfortunately one thing all Algerians share is this ridiculous pride....which i think gets in the way of progress. A man is to lazy and proud to be with an Algerian women who has high expectations and whom he does not have authority over....and Women are too proud to settle for an Algerian man who is not well educated or doing well in life. This is why they find other nationalities appealing.

So what happens? Algerian men go off and marry europeans, and Algerian women are left thinking there is something wrong with them because they can't find any decent Algerian men......its sad, but Algerian men don't seem to be living up to the expectations Algerian women have. You could argue that we are setting standards too high for the men, but really we are being realistic.....we know that in order for an Algerian guy to be with us, he needs to be educated in order to feel important...but sadly many Algerian men take the easy way out and marry outwit their nationality, or they go for younger ladies who they will have authority over simply due to the age gap and life experiences.

Then what happens after they are married? Algerian men either live happily and continue to be chilled back or they become religious with age and expect their european wife to comply with their traditional beliefs and ways of life. They basically expect them to act like an algerian women. Now is that really fair? I have seen this change in many of my friends and my own dad as they get older and have children, and it can often lead to a lot of friction and arguments in their marriage......and its not until then that Algerian men realise the need to marry an Algerian women....when it is too late.

I am not in any way stating Algerian men shouldn't marry outwith their nationality, I'm saying they should do it fro the right reasons. Merely going for europeans because they seem more appealing at a younger age...i disagree with that completely. Marriage is only the start.....when you get older and have children thats when you face bigger difficulties!

Me myself being half DZ and half Jp... i would prefer to go for an algerian but even i feel my chances are low because of the expectations i have, my career choice and my typical algerian character. I know many Algerian guys, but they all chase after europeans, i doubt any would even consider me. Why? Because i am simply too clever and feisty for them to have authority over unless they are better than me in every way. :P

I just came across this post and found it really interesting.I'm Polish and married to an Algerian man. We both live and work in London.

What I really wanted to concentrate on in my comment is the subject of Algerian women. Of course, it would be inappropriate to generalise, and I'm sure there are still some genuinely nice Algerian women, but unfortunatelly speaking of own experience, I really, truly dislike them.

To start with, I must say I spent some time in algeria last summer, this was before me and my husband got married; I went over there to meet his family. Algiers, the capital, was absolutely lovely. I had an amazing time!! Although.. there was some incidents that truly left me feeling sick!I guess I had an opportunity of exploring 'the better sides' of Algeria, as my husband's family is quite wealthy and live in uprising area of Hydra. Hence, you would have thought that people in such neighborhood are educated and openminded. Well to my suprise, one morning we got into a car, wishing to explore central algeries. The entire journey, a beautiful white mercedes was following us.. At first I just ignored it but then we stopped at the traffic lights and the car stopped literally few centimiters to our car. Two young, attractive girls inside, openned the window and started smiling and sending kisses to my husband! I thought 'bloody hell, dont you see he's not alone??!!', my husband just laughed it off, saying they're young, and want to show off.. The following evening we went out to Pacha nightclub. Coming to a muslim country, I though it would be most appropriate to wear some jeans and a nice top (instead of a short dress). To my suprise, once we entered the nightclub, girls were almost in their underwear, dancing in a way anyone would find provocative. Nevertheless, we sat on the table, when one of the girls just came to my husband and started dancing in front of him in a very very sexual way!! he pushed her away, saying that he's here with me and asking whether she's blind. The girl was obviously suprised and embarrased a man told her off.. therefore at this point she smashed some glasses from our table and spilt a glass of juice on me!! I went to the ladies room to clean my top, but she followed me with her friends (all of them with bleached blond hair, skimpy outfits, very provocative make-up etc) ahe started shouting which got me distressed so I left and told my husband about it. In the end, the security took them out. Another day, another story, we met with my husbands cusin, we were sitting on the beach (just me and her) and she'd tell me stories of how my husband used to love his ex-girlfried so much and now she doesnt believe he will ever love me the same way as he loved that girl. I mean how rude is that?? I could probably write thousands of such stories, all of them involving very confident girls (too confident I'd say), very aggressive, very fake and having no respect for other women (especially european) and other people's relationships. Living in London, and being married to an algerian, I know a lot of algerian man married to european girls. And I am not suprised, i could never ever marry an algerian girl if I was them.My husband's friend is also algerian and was in a relationship with an algerian girl, here in London. She was demanding gifts and perfumes all the time (through manipulation), without consideration of his difficult situation. All her duties were to stay at home, clean and cook and make herself beautiful for when he gets back home. She chose to stay at home, as apparently working is a 'men's job'. She didnt pay rent, didnt pay for anything really. Behaviour of a princess I'd say. Till one day she left him as appraently he wasnt taking care of her enough..Ridicilous!! And this is not a one odd case, I know plenty of stries like this one!!No wonder men get fed up and serch their luck somewhere else..

I am English and married to an Algerian man. With regards the Polish lady above, right on sister! Sad, but so so true. The modern Algerian girl in her early twenties has bought into the sexuality is power myth from the west. The difference is it is totally hypocritical. They behave like bitches and then make out they are better than their European counterparts because they are Muslim.

"The Hypocrites try to deceive Allah, but it is He Who deceives them. When they stand up performing the prayer, they stand sluggishly, to be seen, but they are mindful of Allah but little. (They are) distracted in mind even in the midst of it, swaying between this and that, one group or the another. Those who Allah causes to go astray and err will not find a way. Believers, take not for friends unbelieving infidels rather than believers [because rational thought is contagious]. Do you want to offer Allah an open proof against you? The Hypocrites will be in the lowest depths of the Fire."

Not all Algerian women are like this of course, but it is something of a fashion nowadays. My husband left Algeria 10 years ago, but still says "if you were Algerian you would cook all day, not work and never leave your place in the house" whatever, he is like one of the Vietnam vets in the jungle, who didn't realise the war has ended and is still fighting for something that doesn't exist. RIP Bent Familia.

To the Polish lady,Unfair you judge Algerian women on some random people you met in a Cabaret in Algeria. You should have been advised Algeria is a conservative country and the type of people you meet in such places are not your average Algerian person.

To the English lady, I am afraid you fell into the same trap. I wish you repent.

For your information my missus is English, and has had some of the problems mentioned above, but still she was equally impressed by how nice and welcoming a lot of Algerian women are.

@ ATO, i didn't mean to generalise, but believe me Pacha nightclub in algiers wasn't the only place I went to. As I said I live in London, hence, here is another example-a very close friend of my husband, algerian, is very wealthy and very good looking. He used to be with a swedish girl before, who did not look for anything else than his love. They lived together, and out of the honour, the girl proposed to share the bills with him, as the flat wasnt cheap. The guy didnt need a penny from her but she insisted, it was her principals. Then they split up over an argument (her not cleanining the house every single day as he wanted her to) and she left. Now, he's got an algerian girl, who (being even more wealthy tahn him) does not share the bills with him (even though now he lost his business in the UK and is saving for a new one) as 'she is a lady'. she spends all her days cleaning, cooking and pampering herself for him. anyway, the point is- she always tells everyone how religious she is (even though she lies to her family and lives with her boyfirend without being married) and that she's got principles. now, my husband is going through a depression, he started drinking, his 'lovely' friend started going out with him and encouraging him to drink even more and tried to take him to a brothel. When i found out, i got furious, but out of respect i did not want to call him as he's a man and i'm not any close to him, so i called her instead. to my suprise, she knew about them going out, and drinking loads, and even about the idea of going to brothel. So i asked her: 'listen, i don't want your boyfriend to go out with my husband anymore as my husband is depressed and very fragile, he will follow anybody's ideas now. Dont you mind anyway that your boyfriend goes out and drinks? You said you're so religious and stuff.. Do you really accept this behaviour???!!' and you know what she said- that she doesnt mind as long as he is nice to her (spending money on her) and anyway they're not married yet so she cant disagree with him in any way so she has to accept any behaviour in order for him to be so pleased with her 'goodness' that consequently he will maryy her.. How would you call this example? Other than being fake, manipulative and using religion to cover her real face.. One time i went to an algerian consulate here in london, i was really sick at the time and when i got inside i felt really weak, i just wanted a glass of water. there was an algerian lady sitting behind the desk, along with one gentleman. I alsmot fainted asking for the water, but she just went' sorry but i havent got anything to drink and i cant access the staff canteen now as im busy'!! finally, the guy stood up and took care of me. I mean.. on basis of woman to a woman behaviour- why would you be such a b***h??I know two lovely algerian ladies, and both of them are of old generation- this is my husband's mother and another lady living here in london, a psychologist. Absolutely amazing women!! But this is the old generation for you..My husband's cousin on the other hand got married to a lady from Peru, their wedding took place in algeria last summer. The girl ended up crying as firslty she didnt know half of the guests (therefore, you'd expect people to be nice to her) amd secondly most of the women guests just stood there looking up and down on her and making comments. One of them even came up to her saying she's fat!!! With all the respect but I've never heard of such behaviour among european women..

Polish lady As you said there is always the good and the bad to every nation, shame you only experienced the latter.I am surprised your husband wasn't there to defend or protect you from such mistreatments.

I have a suspicion your husband knows more than he lets on with regards to the cousin/family reaction to your union, if he's considered a good catch, perhaps they had other plans for him before you came into the picture. I am afraid your generalisations are a tad ...well localised.

English chick married to DZ yes I do agree to some extent, some Algerian girls do use religion when it suits them to get oner over European girls, especially when marriage is concerned, but again it remains some cases and not the general consensus... I don't need to tell you that...do I? ;)

@ ATO, i didn't mean to generalise, but believe me Pacha nightclub in algiers wasn't the only place I went to. As I said I live in London, hence, here is another example-a very close friend of my husband, algerian, is very wealthy and very good looking. He used to be with a swedish girl before, who did not look for anything else than his love. They lived together, and out of the honour, the girl proposed to share the bills with him, as the flat wasnt cheap. The guy didnt need a penny from her but she insisted, it was her principals. Then they split up over an argument (her not cleanining the house every single day as he wanted her to) and she left. Now, he's got an algerian girl, who (being even more wealthy tahn him) does not share the bills with him (even though now he lost his business in the UK and is saving for a new one) as 'she is a lady'. she spends all her days cleaning, cooking and pampering herself for him. anyway, the point is- she always tells everyone how religious she is (even though she lies to her family and lives with her boyfirend without being married) and that she's got principles. now, my husband is going through a depression, he started drinking, his 'lovely' friend started going out with him and encouraging him to drink even more and tried to take him to a brothel. When i found out, i got furious, but out of respect i did not want to call him as he's a man and i'm not any close to him, so i called her instead. to my suprise, she knew about them going out, and drinking loads, and even about the idea of going to brothel. So i asked her: 'listen, i don't want your boyfriend to go out with my husband anymore as my husband is depressed and very fragile, he will follow anybody's ideas now. Dont you mind anyway that your boyfriend goes out and drinks? You said you're so religious and stuff.. Do you really accept this behaviour???!!' and you know what she said- that she doesnt mind as long as he is nice to her (spending money on her) and anyway they're not married yet so she cant disagree with him in any way so she has to accept any behaviour in order for him to be so pleased with her 'goodness' that consequently he will maryy her.. How would you call this example? Other than being fake, manipulative and using religion to cover her real face.. One time i went to an algerian consulate here in london, i was really sick at the time and when i got inside i felt really weak, i just wanted a glass of water. there was an algerian lady sitting behind the desk, along with one gentleman. I alsmot fainted asking for the water, but she just went' sorry but i havent got anything to drink and i cant access the staff canteen now as im busy'!! finally, the guy stood up and took care of me. I mean.. on basis of woman to a woman behaviour- why would you be such a b***h??I know two lovely algerian ladies, and both of them are of old generation- this is my husband's mother and another lady living here in london, a psychologist. Absolutely amazing women!! But this is the old generation for you..My husband's cousin on the other hand got married to a lady from Peru, their wedding took place in algeria last summer. The girl ended up crying as firslty she didnt know half of the guests (therefore, you'd expect people to be nice to her) amd secondly most of the women guests just stood there looking up and down on her and making comments. One of them even came up to her saying she's fat!!! With all the respect but I've never heard of such behaviour among european women..

We really don't need to know all the ins and outs of your life and your husbands life whom you're exposing publically here!! Let's just hope he doesn't one day stumble on your comments when he googles your name! It's funny you seen to have problems with Algerian women, Dz-Chick has nicely responded to your comment but you didn't even acknowledge her or her blog!!! Not ALL Algerians women are like what you've experienced and no not only the old ones are nice either!!

At the Polish Chick,You should coordinate with DZC so that she takes your name off.I thought you were showing off your facebook publically accessible profile by disclosing your name.But now that you are sharing information about your husband's private life, I do actually mind.

Sorry to hear about your husbands depression, you are right Alcohol is bad, bad and should be avoided in depression.

Your husband is obviously quite vulnerable at the moment, otherwise believe me would never have shared with you any "Vegas Details". I am sure he will get better soon, and he will come out stronger.

I find it strange that you called the woman for clarifications. I would have thought you speak to the husband to avoid breaking homes. After all both the men were under the influence of Alcohol.

Fyi, your average middle class drinking male Londoner let alone "Wealthy" has been to strip club and the like.

Anyways,as I am a men, I don't think I should indulge myself too much talking about women jeoulousy.

ATO Her name has been removed, the situation could have gotten worse if people start spamming her Facebook and find her husband...very silly the way she lashed out without considering the ramifications, though I understand she must have had a full tank and found a platform where she could literally empty her sack...

@Polish Lady:I read your first comment few days ago, and evethough I felt it is unfair, I felt the need to reply and try to get you to look from a window rather then the tight loop. I spoke to friends (non-Algerians) and asked them how they felt, I never had the need to ask before because I never even saw it an issue and they reassured me, that they might not like their husbands first cousin or a certain friend but they would never generalise the way you did.

After reading your secon comment, I realised that you sadly have the issue, and no discussion, debate or example would have changed your mind, and tbh i even lost the interest in responding.

@ Dear English lady: the religion issue in algeria is a rather complex one and it is not out of hypocrity but sadly part of a bigger identity issue. i dont find it surprising that Algerians r ore religious around other Algerians, and more so a love interest as its the home biased judgment. I am sorry you had issues with the family but I think it's not an algerian specific issue but an inter-racial, inter-religious marriage.

To both ladies, I just hope you don't implement those ideas in you kids heads, because they will grow with unnecessary hatered and miss out on family love.

Yawn. Can you not read? I said, "not all Algerian women are like this of course" but that doesn't make for as good a commentary. I certainly didn't say that I any Algerian women, no matter how they behaved. I have had some good experiences with Algerian women (DZC I'm looking at you ;)), I have and have commented on some less well behaved.

@non hating Algerian woman: I had not addressed anyone personally. I had made a comment based on experience (and not experience in a caberet ATO! Your conclusion is inaccuarte there) whatever experience that may be, it is unlikely to be identical to anyone else's, it is just my own contribution, thus cannot be wrong or right, merely a comment. Therefore I do not appreciate personal comments about how I might wish to bring up my children. Certainly not with 'hatered' (sic),though in any event, how I choose to look after them is rather up to me (FYI they are often looked after by a FANTASTIC Algerian woman, with brilliant iman!!!!!!).

Hello! I am in the South in the US. I enjoyed reading the article and the comments. What if the Algerian man not marrying the Algerian woman abroad is less conscious and more of a trend due to the rising female to male ratios in countries or just more or less random, but when looking at data through a small window of time, looks more severe than it really is! I found that many of the comments noted that the Algerian woman has moved past the Algerian man that she find abroad and either snubs him or he is intimidated by her. I think we should give the men more credit than that. Also, I found that many comments were highlighting what must be wrong with the Algerian man if he does not want an Algerian girl. Things were listed that he does not want to be tied to his country, that he is intimidated, etc. To imply that there must be something wrong with the Algerian man, if he does not want the Algerian women, and prefers another woman is insulting to all parties concerned! It makes the men look like something is wrong with them, the non Algerian women like they are easy, second-best, poor substitutes, and it makes the Algerian woman look too cocky. I have found that in the US, in the South and North east, this is not true at all! While not every Algerian man is a doctor, they are all valuable members of society and contribute to more than the person they share their bed with. They are wonderful partners and residents of whatever country they stay in and I am very proud of mine! ;) Unfortunately, we women are not representing ourselves so well in the US. While some women, like myself, are educated and highly involved community members, I have yet to find a DZ sister who does anything other than barely cook, clean, sleep, go on picnics with ladies and children, and complain and gossip about everything and everyone. Even in being a home maker, there is great virtue and honor if you take pride in your work, keep a spotless home and always try to improve your cooking and expand your culinary repertoire. Even if these things elude you, at least be sexy! I find sisters in the US letting themselves REALLY go with cheap, tacky, poor style and really disgusting, unfit bodies. This is not found in other women from other immigrant communities or even so rampantly in the US populations where I am and have been. Despite bringing no income into the home, these women offer nothing to the surrounding areas by even positive participation in activities at the Mosque or at their children's school. I have found these sisters not only refuse to offer their husbands the small comfort of not complaining and keeping a hot, expertly prepared meal on the table; but they want a car, lots of new clothes, new hairstyles and highlights ( but they won't fix their own hair, take care of their skin, or get off of the coach to exercise!), and ALWAYS a bigger home and constantly vocalize this to their husbands while they take naps all day and go on picnics weekly, while their husbands work two or three jobs, commuting for hours sometimes! It is a shame and this is not seen so rampantly in any other immigrant community where the women demand so much, but offer so little. So, maybe its not that the fault lies with our men. There must be some reflection and responsibility taken amongst ourselves in this. I am just adding my two cent, not meaning to offend anyone inshaAllah, & hoping that maybe we could open the conversation up to another dimension.

As a matter of, the relationship between gender has always been complicated since Adam and Eve and there is no single solution for that. All cultures have pros and cons and Algeria is not an exception, just take the stats of the rate of divorce everywhere and you will be surprised how bad it is. There is no such a formula for the algerians to make it work, and the same for other cultures, the best approach is compromise and build a relationship on something solid and durable.