Why?!

Q: What is Fair Trade?

A: Ideally, a product labeled with a Fair Trade sticker promises us that the people who grow, sew or manufacture at least some part of the product are paid a fair wage and treated like human beings. If you’re interested, read all about Fair Trade at wikipedia.org and fairtrade.net.

Q: Why use purple rhinoceroses to review gum? Why not stars or percentages or something? I don’t know how to read rhinoceroses.

A: The rhinoceros was chosen because he was the most supremely logical candidate for gum ranking. He is purple because purple is a nice color and it works with this color scheme. Five rhinoceroses is the same rating as five stars; the only difference is that a star is pointy at five ends while a rhinoceros is only pointy at one end.

Q: Do rhinoceroses even like gum?

A: Not sure, but xylitol is bad for dogs, so it’s probably a good idea to keep it away from all animals. Xylitol is known to be safe for rational human animals, however.

Q: Why are your reviews rather ridiculous?

A: Because chewing gum is more or less a wonderfully ridiculous thing.

Q: I like aspartame! I drink it in my pop and chew it in my gum. Why are you trying to destroy my life?

A: Don’t worry, the Stegosaurus has no intention of confiscating your arsenal of aspartame. This site presents a collection of alternatives to what the usual supermarkets and drug stores offer. Some people wish to find gum without aspartame, and this is where they will find it, all in one place, like a yellow pages for indie chewing gum.

Q: I love ____ gum. Why was it reviewed badly? I want a re-review!

A: Although a reply or a comply is not guaranteed, head over to the Contact page to send an e-mail.

Q: What’s so special about “alternative” chewing gums?

A: Alternative gum is special because it’s unique, like a gold watch which reads the time every hour, on the hour, except for at 3:00 PM when it roars like a lovesick sea lion. “Gum without aspartame” includes lots of indie gums under a common umbrella. These gums generally focus on healthy and natural ingredients, and even socially-conscious ingredient sourcing, as in Glee Gum‘s use of Fair Trade cane sugar.