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Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by sheer honesty, or you think me having my own opinions is "being negative", then this is not the place for you, and I suggest you leave and head elsewhere. I call a spade a spade, and I don't sugarcoat anything.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Everyone always says when I post about them on my blog that I am talking about them behind their backs. Well, that is not necessarily true. Yes, I do talk about people on here, it used to be that I did not mention names of anyone on my blog. Not unless I felt I had to. Well, now that ends, I will always mention names on this blog now. Hey! I'm giving the people what they want! Don't blame me for that! I've found now that when I do not mention names, there is total assumption. My ma has told me that when I have a problem with someone to talk it out with them face to face. Well, usually I do, if it's a problem I believe can be solved. But if I told everyone, that I felt I had a problem with, what problem I have with them and it turns out not to be true, I always thought I'd look like a complete ass. That's where this blog comes in handy. It's a place for me to get those petty, obscure feelings out.

Say, for example, I suspected Mark had the hots for me. Nobody told me he does, but the look in his eyes told me different. But Mark is involved with another girl named Rosie. Should I tell Rosie that I think Mark has been looking at me funny? Or should I come to my blog first and type something like this....

"You know what? I think there's this guy I know who has the hots for me. But I cannot prove it yet. The problem is, he's involved with another girl. I can't get involved with him. But I don't know how to tell him."

The truth is, I wouldn't dare tell her unless Mark does something that proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was indeed falling for me. THEN I would tell Rosie. If I confront Mark, or Rosie, with this assumption of mine, and it turns out not to be true, I'm going to feel like a complete ass, and it'll most likely have Mark thinking that I made this story up because I want him. And that wouldn't be true. And Rosie might hate me in the end, because Mark would assume that I have a crush on him, and that I want to take him away, and Rosie would surely believe him. Not even ask me if I have a crush on him. Or she would assume I am jealous of them or something. Which would also not be true. But that's what she would assume, because it's popular opinion. Or it would be a typical response most other people would feel. But I am not like other people.

Now, just imagine that Mark and Rosie were people I knew only on a forum or Facebook or something. And Mark seemed to pay special attention to me, sometimes even making a cyber-pass at me. But let's say Rosie and I are not friends and Rosie even has me blocked and I can't communicate with her. But Mark is seeing her while making a pass at me. How can I tell Rosie that Mark is making a pass at me through PMs? Simple, I post it on this blog and hope somehow that Rosie reads this. It's not meant to make people feel sorry for me. It's meant to warn other people. It's part of my "I care too much for my own good" service. I would hope that when Rosie reads the blog post I write about Mark, that she would confront him with my allegation. Hopefully, Mark would tell her the truth. If not, I could provide proof, and very often I do.

My blog is an open forum, I don't block anyone, and I even allow anonymous posts. I'm more likely to respond to people who use their name though than I am to respond to an anonymous user. You can even find this blog on Google. This blog is totally out in the open. People like Tess Obrien take bits and pieces of blog posts from here and posts them in Facebook groups that I am not on, and makes assumptions about posts I make without ever confronting me herself about it. So I ask you, who is talking behind who's back? Not me. Anyone can read and comment on this blog, and usually I get facts before I post anything about anyone here. But to post about me on a forum that I am not on, that IS posting behind someone's back. Katrina even got on Tim-Hutch Love and called Tess a fat-ass pig, and I deleted her post. Not because I cared anything about Tess. But because she was no longer there at the time and could not respond or read it. I have never been known for talking behind anyone's back. Not when I have proof. If I don't have proof, I say in my posts "I think" or "I believe" or "perhaps" or similar words and phrases. Those kind of words indicate speculation. Nothing more. Speculation is not meant to be taken seriously, it's just a precaution. And people need to learn the difference.

I remember on Facebook, this chick named Claire Aisha said speculation and lies are the same thing. She, being a lawyer, I thought would know better! Somehow I don't believe she is a lawyer, but she says she is and I gotta believe it. I guess the law is different where she comes from. But speculation is when I believe something is true or not, and I know it could be proven wrong. Lying is when I say something that I know for sure is not true but I say it anyways as if it were true. I remember one time on a post by a friend I call Naughty, I said Michael would not like the drama going around in Facebook groups now. Well, Christina (Michael's sis) asked me what groups are causing drama. Well, I did not really want to name names at all, but Christina, GOD love her! She pushed me into telling her. So, I told her the group I had the most trouble on, it was the Michael Hutchence and His Life Fan Page. I even explained in my response to her that it was "The group I personally had the most trouble on". And it was! I was kicked out of there and after I was kicked out, Maria made a post about me and bashed me. She didn't make the post before I was kicked out, so I would have a chance to respond if I wanted to. She did it after. I'll never forgive her for that. Especially since I offered to post the offending post there for her and she wouldn't let me. She said I would be arousing a bad situation. So, when someone asks me which INXS group on Facebook I think is the worst, I'm going to tell them! I'm going to tell them based on my own experience. Claire Aisha can call it lies till the cows come home, it does not mean she's right. I was just stating my opinion based on my own personal experience, and not a lie at all.

Well, fuck Claire! She doesn't believe in any such thing as having an opinion or a personal experience. She seems to think everyone's opinions and personal experiences are all the same.

Well, that's one thing no one can ever honestly accuse me of. I've never talked about anyone on my group after they left, that's not my style. Like I said, I even stopped Katrina from talking about someone who had left. Well, Tess didn't really leave on her own, I told her to get out. Thankfully she did, and she's not allowed back in. But to talk behind someone's back is just not my style. At the very least, I'd say what I have to say on this blog. I can say more without getting too many other people involved. Everyone these days though seems to always want to get other people involved, even when it doesn't concern them. I think it's because of the damn liberals, like my sis says. I've noticed things have been going downhill since Obama became president, and a lot of it has to do with all this damn political correctness.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I have decided to put up a sample copy of the videobook version of this story. I just thought this would be interesting, since it is the last days of November, which will always represent Michael's life to me. I still love that man more than anything. This is the condensed version of this story. The full version can be seen at this link: http://www.umgproductions.com/2014/09/one-day-in-november.html

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Ya know, Katrina has told me this many times, I get too involved in the life of my buddies. I have mentioned that often in this blog. Well, I have often felt it was part of being a good friend, to get involved and help them whenever I can. Of course there are some times I never got involved at all, and that was when one friend was having problems with another friend of mine. If I really like both of them, I just never get involved at all. Even if I am not sure I like both persons. I still never get involved. Because I always felt that was none of my business, that it's something that is just between the two of them. I'm not going to side against one friend just because the other friend has a problem with them. Especially when the one friend has never done me any harm. That's just not my style.

Even when I was at the shelter, I never got involved in problems between other people. I figured they would eventually work it out themselves. I stayed completely neutral. I remember I was friends with Lulu, and another woman, initials MC. Well, MC was one of those negative types, you know the kind. But she had a lot of good qualities too. She loved to bake, and she made the most awesome cinnamon rolls! She also made great cookies and breads too. I also thought, in spite of her negativity, that she was a nice person too. I remember one time she told me about a trip she took to Wales, and how it was her favorite place to visit. Well, I liked MC, and I considered her a friend. But she had a problem. She said Lulu threatened her life. I personally never heard Lulu threaten her life before, and I knew Lulu would never have done that anyways. MC though did all she could to turn me against Lulu. I told her to just leave me out of it, because I liked both of them. I didn't want to get involved in their prejudice against each other.

This is also why I did not get involved when Rosanda turned against Nancy. Some of her friends did. I know for sure Delilah P. did! She said she blocked Nancy from all social media because of the battle between Rosanda and Nancy. But I did not get involved. Nancy never did anything to hurt me at all and at that time, neither did Rosanda. That was before she slapped my father in the face! I felt it was none of my business anyways. I figured this was a battle that was between the two of them. Had nothing to do with me. I liked both of them so I just didn't get involved. Delilah did though. Delilah is like a baby sheep, and I don't mean lamb! She follows Rosanda anywhere, and gets involved in all her affairs. She blocks anyone who opposes. Such a shame. Delilah has some potential. She's a good writer. In fact, she got one of her ideas from me. Since she and I are no longer friends, I hope she doesn't intend on using the idea I gave her once! She'll find her ass in court!

Well, Katrina says I get too involved in online buddies, and that I need to stop being like that. Katrina is a sweet girl, but she has a knack for not getting involved in other peoples' lives. She said it comes from where she works at. She has to deal with customers all day long. She asked me long ago never to mention where she works, so I won't. She leads a VERY private life. She doesn't even use her real name on Facebook. LOL! But anyways her partner told her never to get emotionally involved with the customers. You never know who is on the other side of the line. Same thing goes for online, like on Facebook. Unless you know the person very well, NEVER get involved. I always thought that was so cold and callous though! But Katrina told me the same thing applies for Facebook as for her workplace. You never really know who the other person is. She said for all I know, it could be a sweet-talking serial killer. LOL! Most of the people I made friends with were INXS fans, I never thought of INXS fans as being serial killers. But Katrina says, until I have actually met them and shook hands with them, and actually spent time with them, I really don't know them, and they could be anything. She's right! And really, I knew that. I still just thought it was cold and callous to accept a friend request, and then just forget about them. Never get involved in anything they write.

Well, Katrina is totally different online than she is in person. She only has a few facebook friends. She does not "like" many posts, and she only talks to other people when she has to. Like if they comment on a subject she really likes. She actually came here on Thursday and showed me how her existence on Facebook really is. She does very little. She said she does it because she doesn't want to get emotionally involved with anyone. That way, if she happens to lose a buddy, it's no big deal. She has real friends and family, so she said she doesn't need them online. Oh yes, she brought the baby. He's really CUTE!!! Another thing she never does online, she never posts pics of her children. She said she's seen too many cases of pedophiles stealing pics of children, or child porn sites taking them and posting them for those sick individuals to gape at. Katrina really does not trust anyone online. That's why she rarely gets online. She has a Facebook, and usually, she rarely gets on it. She rarely comes in here, except she is on maternity leave from work. Funny she still checks in at work though. LOL!

If I ever again get on Facebook, I probably should try her method. But again, that is just not me. I like getting involved in my friends' lives, as much as they allow. But like Katrina says, they're never really your friends until you actually get to know them in person. Not just as an online entity. I have several friends like that online. I need to stick with them and only them. Katrina, you are so right. You are also wise beyond your years! Like I said though, I did know all this stuff before, and I should have always stuck with it. Because not everyone is like me. Most people are like "if you don't like what I like, or who I like, then you're fucked!" And will drop you without hesitation or warning. I can't be like that. I always believed everyone has a right to like who, or what, ever they want. And I have never been known for dropping a friend just because they feel different than me. In most cases.

Well, if I do ever get back on Facebook, it probably won't be for a very long time. I've actually felt more relaxed now than I ever have the whole time I've been on Facebook. I am still trying to work out what has happened in my family. I am still trying to grieve for my pa. I did a little more weeping last night, because I began to miss him again. It's going to take a while to stop completely. I never expect to "get over" him. But I hope someday to get back to a point where I can remember him without tears forming in my eyes again. The fact that I am here alone does not help. I need a dog! Katrina is in Chehalis. My sis is in Montana. My ma is in Reno. Even my stepmom is in Arizona. My dogs are also in Montana. So, I need a dog here now.

I remember one of my friends asked me if I'd be interested in having a cat. LOL! I said to him no, I'm not the type that would be happy with just a cat. Cats, IMO, are more depressing than being alone. I would rather have a fish tank than a cat! I need something in my life that is more upbeat, like a dog. I haven't had a cat since 2002, and I do not miss having them! Believe me! LOL!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

That is one thing I can say I will never have. Not unless I somehow wind up with my face hacked off, and if plastic surgery can repair it, I'd have it done. I don't want to go out into the world looking like a zombie with no face! But to have it done strictly for the purpose that I think it'll make me look better. No way!! I'd never do that! The reason is I've seen what it does to people who overdo it. It makes them look a lot worse than they did before they had the surgery. It always looks so unnatural. I may not be the most attractive woman anyone has ever seen. But I would rather look like myself than to look like one of these:

Everybody is always wanting their lips and nose done, but I think it looks terrible! I think in most cases, the before pictures look better. People really aught to leave their bodies alone. I realize it's their body and they are the ones who have the say. But I have to ask "Why???" Why would anyone risk their own personal beauty just to achieve this intangible "perfection"? See that last pic? That's Daryl Hannah. She used to be so beautiful! At one point, I even looked up to her. I wanted to look just like her. Even as she got older, I thought she was pretty. But look at her after picture, she looks bloated and unnatural. She's not nearly as attractive as she would have been if she'd have just let herself age naturally.

To me, plastic surgery is just what it sounds like; Plastic! And plastic to me, indicates something that is unnatural. That is just how these people look to me. Like something totally unnatural. I cannot admire that in anyone. I don't care how ugly I get, nothing is worth having plastic surgery done to me. I intend to stay the way I am, as an ugly old crone. This is who I am! This is who I will always be. I came to terms with the fact I will never be a supermodel, I figured that out long ago. I can lose weight, but I will never become a supermodel. It's just not in the cards for me. But I am who I am, and I am satisfied. To have plastic surgery done is like a temporary fix to most people, and they always seem to want more and more, which makes them wind up looking more and more like crap. People need to learn to be comfortable with the natural beauty that GOD gave them! Its the only way one can have true happiness. Like Michael said in The Stairs, "All are different, All are great!"

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Well, I have to say, there hasn't been a single positive post about Michael all month. I guess I've said everything about Michael that I can say! I've said more than enough about him on this blog. If he is reading this blog from the Heavens, I am sure he knows exactly how much I love him, and will always love him. But anyways, this isn't about Michael. This post is about probably the first celebrity I ever officially fell in love with. I say that because I was just beginning to realize what love was at the time.

Well, today I am celebrating the life of Harpo Marx. Not meaning to take anything away from Michael Hutchence, but Harpo was actually my first official crush. LOL! I know! I know! He was dead before I was born, but you know what? That has never stopped me before. I read his book "Harpo Speaks" from cover to cover, it is fascinating reading! I found out he and I have a lot in common, right down to favorite vacation spots! He used to spend vacations in Ocean Shores, WA. I used to live there, and it has been my most favorite place to live so far! I don't even like this town quite as much. I just love this apartment.

Harpo never spoke in any of the movies he did with the Marx Brothers, I read in his book it was because someone put down his voice after a vaudeville show he did with his family. Someone said they loved his character, until he spoke. So, from that moment on, he no longer spoke in any of his acts. Harpo, much like the men of INXS, was multi-talented. He could do anything he put his mind to. He even taught himself how to play the harp. He did it in such a way that has never, to this day, been equaled or surpassed. In fact, one of his many music teachers said the way he tuned and played the harp, the strings should have snapped on him, but they didn't. I guess it's an indication of how talented he was.

Another good thing about him, he was also a dog-lover, and had several of his own. He even had a german shepherd dog that ran away once and he put an ad in the local newspaper trying to find the dog. Well, one person called the ad and said he had his dog, and Harpo went to get it. But when he got there, the guy had a little black and tan terrier-type dog that was definitely not his shepherd! But Harpo took the dog anyways. When he presented it to his wife, Susan, who expected to see him come home with their german shepherd dog, Harpo stood in front of her and said "He kinda shrunk, didn't he!" They kept the little terrier dog from that moment on.

Then there was his famous Gookie. He put one of these in every one of his movie and television appearances:

He started doing that face when he was 10 years old. He said it all began when he used to go to the local cigar store, and he and some friends would stand at the window and watch this guy, who everyone called "Gookie", roll cigars. Harpo said that this "Gookie" guy would get so engrossed in his work that he would begin to fix his face into this expression after a while. One day, 10-year old Harpo tried to mimic the expression on the guy's face. When "Gookie" saw what Harpo was doing, he ran out of the store and chased Harpo down the block. But this became Harpo's trademark expression, besides the curly hair and googly eyes.

Harpo was actually quite a handsome man without his make up. As seen in this picture above. He was the second oldest of the Marx Brothers, with Chico being the oldest. Harpo was born in 1888. He was actually the third child of Minnie and Samuel Marx. But their first child died when it was 2 years old. A year after the loss of their first child, they had Chico (Leonard), whom they were very protective of. Then 2 years after Chico was born, came Harpo. Harpo was born with the name Adolph, which was a popular German/Jewish name back then. But during World War 2, he had his name changed from Adolph to Arthur, because of the bad publicity Adolph Hitler was causing.

I'm so glad to have gotten to know the Marx Brothers the way I did through their movies, TV shows and documentaries as well. I first saw Harpo back when I used to watch You Bet Your Life, which was hosted by Groucho Marx, in the early 80s. It was 1983, and my mom was combing my hair as we were watching the show. In this one episode, I saw Harpo come out with one of the contestants, and I thought he was so CUTE!!!!!! I could not help but scream how cute he was! Up until that night, I had never seen him before. Not that I remember anyways. Except in cartoons, but I always thought he was just a simple cartoon character, like Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse. I didn't have any idea he was a real person! I learned different that night! Like INXS has done for me now, the Marx Brothers, and my devotion to them, has inspired a few stories and pictures from some of my friends like this one from a 1984 story:

That's Caroline, the lemur, looking up at the 3 most popular Marx Brothers.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Some people have told me that. I said I will never trust people again, and someone said to me that my blogs say different. LOL! This was a quote by Kelly Carter, who is one of the blind sheep. I told her at least if I suspect someone has wronged someone else, I don't listen to just one side of the story. I prefer to get all sides of a story before I condemn anyone. She got her suspicions from someone who does not know either side of the story, and she is judging me based on that. So, I call her a blind sheep. Just like a lot of those people. Ya know, this is exactly the same deal Michael got in London with the tabloids. They spoke nothing but lies about him too, and everyone believed it. Poor Michael became a broken man because of it.

Normally, this kind of thing wouldn't get me down. And I am mostly over it, I don't feel so angry anymore at least. But most of it has to do with the feeling that these people have slapped my father in the face. I am usually quite strong. But today, I am rather weak, and it is because of my father's passing. Kelly C. never sent condolences, so I don't know if she knew about my pa. But I can tell you she was on my friends list when I announced he died. I'll tell you another thing though, when Kelly Carter is not feeling well, she sure is quick to fish for sympathy from her friends. I remember when I was having some neck problems, and I announced it on Facebook, and my other friends tried to help me. But not Kelly C. She turned the whole post around into something about herself. Not sure I should be associating with someone like that at all anyways. She recently announced her brother has been diagnosed with cancer too. Well, I sure do hope he beats it. I am not like her. I wouldn't wish ill on her or her brother, and I would never have turned my back on someone I thought of as a friend in their time of grieving. I will go on praying for her brother that he beats it, regardless of what Kelly C. thinks.

Its sad it took Michael killing himself to make everyone appreciate him again. Elegantly Wasted is a wonderful album, yet so underrated! And the stadiums did not sell out in Michael's last year. I'm sure a lot of things went through Michael's head during that time. And I am sure it's the same things going through my head too. But I have no intention of killing myself. I wouldn't give the trolls the satisfaction. LOL! I have been disappointed deeply by some people, a lot of them I have invested too much time and emotions in. I've done everything I can to help them. I have given them my everything, even through my own struggles. Many of these struggles, I've never even mentioned here or on Facebook! They're things I prefer to keep completely to myself. Know why? Because I don't want people to feel bad for me. I try to make my friends feel happy. Minor things I don't mind mentioning on Facebook, or on this blog. And the readers can take it how they want to. They can pray for me, they can feel sorry if they want to, or they can be indifferent. I don't care. But it is my own choice if I decide to display my major struggles to the world, and I usually choose not to.

Well, my father passed and I would not say I've been fishing for sympathy. A lot of times I write in this blog to get things off my chest. Also, to help people understand, because obviously I am not like other people. Like I said before, I knew the emotional roller coaster was about to begin. I could not stop grieving for my pa after less than a month. That's too soon for someone I've known for over 40 years! Someone who was always there when I needed help. Someone who has helped me more than any other family member. Someone who has often gone out of his way to make sure me and my sis were doing fine. No, a month or less is no where near enough time to grieve for him! So, I knew the emotional roller coaster was coming. There was no stopping it. No matter how upbeat I acted, I knew it was coming! Because of that, my emotions are weakened. I can't be the strong person I was before. Not now. Normally, I would laugh things like what has been going on in Facebook off, but not now. I do need some time to get over my pa. I'm old and tired and I need a break. I need to build up that strength again. My family can help, and my good friends like Katrina. They can all help me get back to the person I once was.

Yes, I know I am not a people person. But I do still love my family and close friends. I know there are some good people out there. But what I am saying is be careful! People can be downright crazy! You never know what they want or what they really like. You never know if they are being nice to you because they really like you or if it's because they want something from you. I try to be nice to everyone. I try! I tell that to everyone who says how nice and sweet I am. That's all I can say, is "I try!" But it's so much easier to get along with animals than it is to get along with people. Though each animal is individually different from each other, still the animals do not judge based on rumors. I am not ashamed to say some of my best friends are animals. I've even made friends with some non-domesticated animals. Like the vision of Snow White. I just have a natural way with animals. This is the same woman saying this that took a family of Egyptian spiny mice and made them as tame as puppy dogs. People told me it couldn't be done. But I done it!

Well, today was my Thanksgiving day, and I had the turkey with all the trimmings. Well, it was actually a turkey breast. I don't eat drumsticks or anything like that. And since it's just me here, I don't need a heck of a lot. But that breast should last me a few days. It's only a half a breast portion. I also made a cake. Nothing spectacular, just a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. I put Michael's name on it and it says "Never Tear Us Apart--Michael Hutchence--You Will Always Be Loved" That is how I am celebrating his life this year. The smell of turkey is still lingering, but I am STUFFED!!!!! Just as stuffed as I would be at any Thanksgiving dinner. I also deactivated my Facebook account tonight and it's getting ready for deletion. Katrina says she doesn't want me to leave Facebook. Some of my friends have given me their email address, and I do intend to keep in contact. But I need to leave. I need to breathe. I need to grieve on my own for a while. I don't want my friends feeling sorry for me or anything. If I go back to Facebook, I want them to see a totally different person. By then, I hope to be over this intense grief I've been feeling since my pa died. I knew holidays without him would be difficult. I miss him like everything. But I do thank the friends I have made for understanding, and I will keep in touch.

Monday, November 21, 2016

I announced this in my group today. I do not celebrate Thanksgiving anymore. At least, not the same way other people in this country do. That day was never meant to be celebrated every year. My Thanksgiving, from now on, is going to be celebrated on November 22 of every year. No matter what! Know why? That is the day Michael Hutchence got his wings. This year it will make 19 years since he got his wings. That is the day I am going to celebrate his life. I bought a turkey (breast) to roast and everything! I'm celebrating Michael's life. I am celebrating having him in my life. Even if it was only briefly and only once. At least it was something. And I did get to kiss him! He let me do it. LOL! I miss him, every day of my life. The world is a difficult place now without him, but at the same time, it is a better world now for him having been in it. Better than it would have been had he not been in it. I feel like Michael was meant to be one of them peacekeepers.

This time of year has always been difficult for me, ever since I found out Michael was dead. And now my pa is gone too. So this year has been extremely difficult for me. This holiday season, I can predict, is going to be more difficult for me than any other previous holiday season. My pa always knew how to make holidays fun. But it's going to be hard this year, as it will be the first year I won't even be getting a Christmas card from him. He won't be calling me to say "Have a happy Thanksgiving" and "Did you call your mom and sister yet?" That's always been his primary concern was if I kept in touch with my ma and sis. Even when he was very ill.

I need to stop this!! I'm depressing myself again. I actually haven't cried since yesterday around noon or so, when I saw Katrina's post on Tim-Hutch Love. Now, I am doing it again as I am writing this.

But to dad, Thanksgiving was the traditional. He doesn't know now I am using it to celebrate Michael's life. My dad wouldn't understand Michael really. He's a country music fan. He was not much into rock-n-roll like I am. But for me, Thanksgiving is what it says, a day of giving thanks. And for me, the one thing I am most thankful for is having Michael in my life. So that is why from now on, Thanksgiving is going to always be on November 22, IF I must celebrate any day this month, it will be that day. I sure would not celebrate it as a day other Americans celebrate it as. As one of my friends last year pointed out, and she is a Native-American, for her it's a day of greed and genocide. I saw her post about that and I said "She's got a point!" I too am of Native-American descent (Cherokee and Chocktaw), so I should not be celebrating it for the 'traditional' reasons. And I haven't. This is about the only thing I am politically correct on, because it is just not fair! So, instead of celebrating greed and genocide, which should NOT be celebrated, I celebrate a great man who gave so much of himself to the world, and in the end received so little back.

In the song, Never Tear Us Apart, Michael sang "We all have wings... But some of us don't know why!" Well, Michael had his wings and didn't know why. No one ever told him he was an angel in his life. Or if they did, he didn't know it or understand it. Hopefully now, he knows it.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

OK, Back to the old me. LOL! You didn't think I could really stay down for long did you? Oh naw! Never going to happen. My pa would want me to move on. He wouldn't want me to linger on this thing. So, I won't. Getting ready for the 22nd anyways. Got a big picture-posting day planned for that day, and I won't have it spoiled. Besides, as Katrina pointed out, my real friends are still there! 💝 Thanks guys and gals! Anyways, you all know one of the things I want to work on while I am taking a hiatus from Facebook is getting myself a dog. I need a dog before I can get back on Facebook. IF I do ever get back on Facebook. A lot of my friends do not want me to really leave. I do still have a lot of supportive friends there! I'm grateful for them too. So, I might go back. But not before I get a dog! The dog is going to be perhaps the most important tool in my rehabilitation. They are the one thing that makes me feel comfortable. Animals have always had that effect on me. I don't think I'm going to go with a chihuahua or a papillon this time. I want to go ALL different. I've done some research and come up with some great breed-matches for me. Not that I wouldn't love another chihuahua or a papillon, they've been awesome dogs! But I just want something different this time, but still well-suited for me. Here's some breeds I've been looking at. In no particular order...

1. Japanese Chin
They're so cute as puppies and so upbeat and beautiful dogs as adults! I've just got to have one. This is also Katrina's favorite breed. I used to visit her place and she's always had chins jumping all over me whenever I visited. I fell in love with them all over again. I used to like them when I was a kid, and I think I'd love to try having one.

2. Pomeranian
Actually, I am not a stranger to pomeranians. I raised them for a while back in 2000, and had a couple of litters. I call them the "clowns of the dog world" or, shortened it to "clown dogs", because no matter what, pomeranians always seem to make me laugh for some reason. For one thing, they are always cheerful. They seem to always smile, and their tails are always going. And I never have seen a more random dog breed in my life!! Not even chihuahuas are quite as much fun to have around.

3. Powderpuff Chinese Crested
Truly a beautiful dog, though I would have to have a powderpuff version. We had one back in 2000, but he came with quite a bit of behavioral problems. He had a severe case of separation anxiety. He would howl while we were gone so loud the neighbors would think he was being tortured! Even though he wasn't. So, we had to send him to live with someone else. But if I can get one that does not come with serious behavioral problems, I'd love to try having another one of these. It'd have to probably be from a reputable breeder. Can't get one any other way.

4. Italian Greyhound
I find these pint-sized versions of the greyhound fascinating! This is another breed that Katrina used to have. In fact, I think she still has one. They have all the qualities of the greyhound, only in a tinier package. They are so little and so cute! I remember it was fun playing with Katrina's dogs, we'd go out into her back yard and play fetch with these guys. They are active, but I like that. They'd make wonderful walking buddies, especially on those long walks I like to take. It'd keep them active and in perfect shape.

5. Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
I've never had one before, but I fell in love with them when I wrote about them on this blog before. I would love to try having one. They seem like the perfect little companion dogs. Well, I've always loved the spaniel family of dogs, they are always so mellow and sweet. These little guys are just perfect for a single person like me. I want one like this one in the picture, either a solid black and tan or the white with black and tan spots. A dog like this would definitely have to be acquired from a reputable breeder, as they have been overbred now and are plagued with health problems.

6. Tibetan Spaniel
Again, I always seem to turn most toward the spaniel family. I always had papillons and chihuahuas. This one is partly a toy breed and partly a utility breed. Either way, they are awesome guard dogs! I used to see one walking on the docs back in Astoria, a woman had one of these and it was so doggone CUTE!!!! I always wanted to bring it home. But then again, I said that about every dog I met there. Heck! I just love dogs! I think my sis had one of these, which she named Randle. Though he was sold to us as a pekingese, I think more thinking back on him now, that he was one of these guys. He looked more like this than like a pekingese.

7. Shetland Sheepdog
They look like miniature Lassies. For some odd reason, I am just drawn to that. This is a breed I would just love to have! I always pictured myself getting one, and I came dreadfully close to getting a sheltie twice in my life. The first time was in 1990, I had a friend that bred shelties as a hobby, and she was going to just give me one. But my ma said my dad would have a fit! So I didn't get one then. Then again in 1999 I came close, I had a deposit down on one. But forces beyond my control stopped me from getting one then. Who knows? Maybe this time will be my time to get one?

8. Toy American Shepherd
This is the smallest version of the Australian Shepherd. I used to breed Australian shepherds (standard-sized) back in the mid 90s. It was a project I helped a boyfriend take on, starting in 1996, and worked on it all the way up to the year 2000, when we bred our last litter. I had to give it up because grandma needed round-the-clock care, and I had to help. So, I had to give up the dog breeding. But looking at this today, this is a breed I would love to have! They have all the qualities of the standard Australian shepherds (which, BTW is an American breed), only in a smaller package. They are made for apartment living.

9. Scottish Terrier
Ever since I was a little kid, I've always loved Scotties! They are probably one of the most iconic breeds in the world! I even had a Scottie that I named Mysti. After the INXS song, Mystify. She was a good dog too. And probably a better rat-killer than those doggone cats we used to have! I wanted to keep her forever, but my dad, who owned the house we lived in, told us we had too many dogs, and that we could only have one. So, since my sis had her dog longer, he made me get rid of Mysti. To this day, I wish I hadn't done that.

10. Miniature Dachshund
When I was a kid, I saw this movie called The Ugly Dachshund, about a show-breeder family that had dachshunds and a great dane. Ever since then, I've been in love with getting a miniature dachshund. I always wanted one! I'd love to have a smooth and a longcoat, if I decide to go with these. They are more like companion dogs than hunting dogs.

11. Cairn Terrier
Actually, this is one of my most favorite terriers of all. I remember first seeing this breed when I saw the Wizard of Oz as a child. I didn't much care for the movie, but I did find myself fascinated by the dog, Toto. Then, when I got older, there was this book called The Complete Puppy and Dog Book, which became like my own personal Bible. My first book of dog knowledge. There was a picture in that book of a Cairn terrier and I fell in love with the dog in that picture. It was so darn CUTE!!!!! I wanted one like it.

Well, that is the list of dog breeds I would not mind having. I try to keep it simple. There are other breeds that I do love, but probably would not even consider owning at this point in my life for various reasons. But this is my target-list of breeds I have been looking into. I do need a dog! I have yet to decide which one(s) I truly want. But when I am ready to get one, I will make an announcement on here. Thanks to Katrina for the suggestion to do this post.

Ya know something? Katrina opened my eyes again with a post she made here and on Tim-Hutch-Love. I cannot even believe I had forgotten about this. Katrina and I have been friends forever. But she has also been more than that to me. She's also been a lot like a little sister to me too. I remember when I first met her dad back in the early 90s, after I got out of high school, and we even became boyfriend/girlfriend for a while. Katrina was only 5 years old back then, and she had just lost her mom to ovarian cancer (There's that damn word again!!!!!!!!!!) UGH! Makes me mad! Anyways, they were new to the states, and I was in love with her father for a while. I also took Katrina under my wing, so to speak. For those literal folks reading, I do not really have wings! But I took Katrina in almost like a daughter. At 5 years old, she was smart as a whip! That's why I took to her. She was not like most other 5 year olds. When her father and I stopped dating, we didn't lose touch. We remained friends. Partly because I fell in love with babying Katrina. I was not looking to take the place of her mom, I just wanted to be someone she could turn to if she needed a female role-model around. Her father even allowed her to come live with me and my big sis for a while when she was 15 through 18. I even introduced her to INXS's music. She was about 10 when Michael died. She learned to love INXS through me.

Anyways, she knows I never tried to take her mom's place. But one thing Katrina never really did was grieve for her mom. She was too young to know what went on. I think, in some small way, Katrina thought I was her motherly figure. So, she never really grieved for her real mother. It wasn't until she was older that she went back to her original homeland to visit her mother's grave site that it hit her, and she was 20 years old at that time. But again, she was young, and it didn't hit her as hard. Of course she cried some, but she did not go through the heavy-step grieving process. I guess this is what happens when you get older. After I read her post in Tim-Hutch Love, I started thinking about all the times I have grieved over lost loved ones. Then I went back to a post I made here back in September, after my pa died, titled "The Grieving Process". BOY! Do I know me well or not?! I went through the initial shock, then the point where I was crying every 10 minutes, and then through a period of intense cheerfulness, and then through the part of being a total jerk! I knew it was going to happen! I've been through it before. I went through it after my grandma died, after my Groucho died, and now again after my pa died. It seems to always happen after anyone who means anything to me dies, and it has gotten worse as I got older.

I was rather young myself when Michael died back in 1997, and he meant everything to me. I was also in love with him once, and at the time he died, I had fallen in love with him again. I was beginning to. The initial shock lasted a few hours, then the part of crying every 10 minutes began. And up until Michael died, I almost NEVER cried!!! Not since before my teenage years anyways! But Michael's death, I believe, broke me emotionally. I had lost a dog I had for 14 years just a few months before Michael died, and I didn't cry nearly as much as I did when Michael died. I even lost a boyfriend in a car accident around the same time I lost the dog. I did cry, but not as much as I did when Michael died. I think maybe, Michael's death was just like the final slap in the face for 1997. I lost too many people/animals I loved that year. Michael was like the final straw that broke the camel's back. This year, 2016, the world lost a lot of people, public figures. None of them meant anything to me. I'm not happy they are dead, but none of them struck me as emotionally as when Michael died. I saw their deaths as mostly signaling the end of my childhood years. But then my father died. And it was like when Michael died all over again. It broke me emotionally. I've spent the last 2 months doing nothing but trying to find peace with it.

As is typical with my own grieving process, I can become an asshole (or a hemorrhoid)! Poor Rita Love has received the brunt of it because we have done the most PMing back and forth for the past 2 months. She has tried to tell me how happy she has been, and I've ignored and/or made fun of her. Talking to Katrina today, I know that was wrong of me. When I saw her post in the group, it was like little chimes that went off. It snapped me back to that memory of when her mom died and she was too young to know what was going on. The innocence she displayed that day we first met. Then I thought of when I lost Michael, and how I never recovered from that. I grew old from that moment on. I had become a 100-year old woman trapped in a 23-year old body. Then when I lost grandma in 2001, and Groucho in 2006, and then my dad this year. I knew the emotional roller coaster was coming! I predicted it, based on how I've been in the past after losing someone I loved. There are going to be times I can be a total jerk! A pig! An asshole. Whatever you want to call it. But it was bound to happen. I hadn't cried in 19 hours, and then I saw Katrina's post about her mom on Tim-Hutch Love, and it got me started again because I had completely forgotten about that!!!

I remember this past year, one of my (former) friends from Facebook and I saw her videos on YouTube too, lost her mom as well. I tried to be there for her. She went through periods where she was very despondent and often did not come back to Facebook. I told her to just take all the time she needs to recover. I know how hard it is. I told her her REAL friends will understand. And I was one of those. Well, I was understanding of her, but apparently she didn't want to show me the same understanding. But like I said, it happens among people. But at least, once again, it shows what kind of friends they are. Not what kind of friend I am. OK Katrina, rant over! LOL! Back to what I talked about before; Dogs. Maybe I will talk about the breeds I've been looking into getting next. Probably won't be a chihuahua or a papillon. I think I want to go ALL different this next time I build up my family.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Well, I stepped off the podium of Tim-Hutch Love, and appointed a new head administrator. She posts good pics and articles. She never posts anything without there being proof, so I like her. She'll keep the group respectable. I still want to keep it a free-speech group. Well, Katrina tried to start something last night (KATRINA!!!!!!) but I told her not to go there. It was with Tess, and I guess it was after she saw the post I made last night. But Tess is not in our group anymore, and I told Katrina, even if I allowed it, it would not do any good to say anything to her because she wouldn't be able to read it. Apparently, Katrina did not know that the gray checkmark beside a person's name means that they are no longer in that group. Now, she knows. She's not in many Facebook groups. She is almost never online. Someone like her that drives 50 miles to work (one way) each day, works 50-60 hours a week in a major corporation, has 4 kids, a husband, 6 horses and 4 dogs hasn't much time to get online. I'm surprised she found the time to have the baby! LOL! That's a joke, BTW! I'm happy she has the baby! The only reason she's been online a lot lately is probably because she has the baby now, and working less hours at work to take care of it.

One of my friends told me now Kelly P is saying stuff about me. But Kelly P. is the least of my worries. She can say about me whatever she likes. She can even say she does not believe it when I say I was not talking about her. I don't know how she would think that I was talking about her, I do not know her well enough to say anything about her. All I've ever said about her is what I know for sure; that she has me blocked on Facebook, and that she is one of the people working to get the wheels in motion for the Michael Hutchence statue, and she is one of the admins for that group. That is all I know about her. How could I talk about her having cancer when I had no idea that she did? But again, she is the absolute LEAST of my worries. She had no way of knowing about my father. It's the people who DID know about my father that is pissing me off right now!!! They knew about him, and still believing that I think cancer is a joke!

But ya know, I am getting better now. One of my friends this morning told me that Tess is indeed a strange one. How she once posted something from her daughter and it was all too weird. That Tess is mentally unstable. People have been confronting me about my blog, saying I wouldn't like it if someone said something bad about me and everyone believed it, I would not feel good. I said as long as they don't say things like I kill puppies, I don't care what else they say about me. This is just as bad as saying I kill puppies. I think Tess planned this. Or one of those dumbass trolls did. I think they planned it to "get even" with me. But it's not a slap in the face to me. It's a slap in the face to my father! And you slap my family in the face, then you're dead to me!!! That's an expression, BTW! I'm not a killer!!! LOL! In my head, Tess is nothing now but a nobody. She's dead as far as I am concerned! And I DON'T want her back on Tim-Hutch Love! Even after I am gone!!!

I got a good mind to block Rosanda too. She was also one of the people I told to leave Tim-Hutch-Love yesterday. I hated to. But she too is slapping my pa in the face. I asked Rosanda to become my friend last year, I liked her because she had such a sweet disposition, and I always loved her pics, edits, artwork, and I thought she was pretty too. I still do! Believe me, it hurt to ask her to leave the group. But, she totally disappointed me! I should have figured out what kind of person she was when she turned against Nancy! Nancy is one of the sweetest people I know on Facebook! And she never says anything about anyone without there being positive proof. But Rosanda has said some terrible things about Nancy to a lot of people. Who knows? Maybe Rosanda has always been a little angry at me because I did not turn against Nancy, and this just gave her the excuse she has been waiting for to unfriend me. Maybe? I don't know. But I do know now that she disappointed me very much! I didn't know she was so DUMB!!! Not to mention, pathetic!!!

Nancy told me she told Tess off. Tess is saying things with no proof to back it up. Kelly's name was not mentioned anywhere on that post. And the only time cancer was mentioned was when I said my pa had it. That is it. I did not say the name of the person I was talking about, nor what she was ill with. NO WHERE!!!! But this is why, when I write about someone on this blog, I usually name names. Because if I don't, then there is total confusion! So, once again, I am going to start naming names. Or at least use initials, like Kirk P. does on his diary. 😊 For the record, the woman I was talking about's initials are JC, and she had a simple bladder infection. So there! And she is fine now. And also for the record, I have had bladder infections myself! Even some that landed me in the hospital for a few days. And yes, maybe I did deserve them! I used to drink a lot of sodas and no water. So, I say I did it to myself. So there!! 😝 Blow that out your asses you stupid trolls!!! 😠

Friday, November 18, 2016

I found out from a friend who the person is that has been spreading this drama around about me. It's a woman named Tess O'brien!!! She was one of the people who commented on my post on Facebook when my pa died! This friend and I had a little PM session this afternoon and said that Tess has written another rant on Facebook about me. UGH!!! What the FUCK is wrong with this woman??? Is her brain screwed up? Sadly as well, she has a child! She sabotages me on Facebook and she has a child too. I wonder if she would also sabotage that poor child if she had the chance? All I can say is, I feel sorry for that little girl of her's! Someone please call CPS and have that little girl taken away from her before she does something to harm her!!! If Tess would harm me, someone who has done nothing bad to her, who knows whom else she will harm?!

Last night, I made a post on Tim-Hutch Love, telling the people in there that if they are one of the blind sheep flock, they need to leave before the 22nd, or else I will get rid of them myself. So, today, I've been going around to different folks, and telling them that they have a certain number of hours to delete themselves, or I will do it for them! And if I do it, they'll be permanently blocked! I told Tess this morning she had 12 hours to leave the group, and I told her she has been warned!!! I'll not have her type on that group ruining Michael's special day!! I also blocked Tess when I found out she is the one possibly causing all this drama. Fuck her!!! She can gripe and complain about me in her own page. She WILL NOT be allowed to bring it to my page!!!

Well, today I heard that Tess is now accusing me of rape. I heard that and I was like "WHAT????!!!!" Tess is accusing me of raping her?!! I don't even know her!! We've never stood in the same room. How on Earth could I be raping her?! Geez! Yesterday's post was about stupid-ass people! I think that Tess O'brien is the stupidest of the stupid!! I can't even believe I once thought she was a good person! Over the past week, I have been disappointed by a lot of people. She was one of them. Now to find out all this is happening and she is possibly the one who started it. She is also one of the ones who knew better!! Tess seems to love to overplay the victim card. I kinda wonder if that is why she married a man that beat her up? And no, I am not saying ANYONE deserves to be beat up!! Although after finding this info out, I really want to punch Tess O'brien in the face, and HARD!!!! As hard as I can!!!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TESS!!! HOW DARE YOU GO AROUND TELLING PEOPLE THAT I THINK CANCER IS A JOKE!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF RAPING YOU!!!!!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO REALLY NEEDS HELP TESS!!!!!! AND AS MUCH AS I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS NOW, I SURE HOPE YOU CAN GET THE HELP YOU NEED!!!! FOR MYA'S SAKE!!!!!!

UHH!! Well, enough of that. I am still leaving Facebook. Don't know if I'll ever go back! I have been through turmoil in my life, but this has taken the cake! Accusing me of thinking cancer is a joke is too much!! It's something I don't tolerate. And what gets me is the people who actually believe it! The same people who followed my posts from the time my father was first diagnosed with cancer to the day he died! And yet they still believe I think cancer is a joke! I am tired! TIRED!!! I am tired of people who pretend to be your friend. I am tired of having to explain myself to people who don't listen. I am tired of meeting people who I think are good, only to find out they are nothing but asswipes! I'm tired of making friends with someone, getting close to them, only to have them drop me when things get heated because they want to stay with the popular crowd. I'm tired of people who think just because they've spent more than a few minutes with Michael Hutchence, that they own his memory. I'm tired of the two-faced people who only have the fullest respect for fans who have spent more than a few minutes with Michael, and believe those who didn't are disposable friends! Michael, I don't believe, would want to see his fans treat each other that way, so why do they do it? I got a good set of mods for Tim-Hutch Love, they can take care of it, and keep it clean and respectable. I've got a big picture-posting day planned for the 22nd, and after that, I'm gone! I just want to celebrate one last Hutch Day with other Hutch fans. If anyone wants to talk to me, they know they can find me here.

You know, I think Michael, being the way he was all for peace and love, if he had had a Facebook page, I think once he saw turmoil like this happening between his fans, he would be thinking "I've had enough of this bullshit!" And would have said to me by now, "Dee, I'm with you! I'm leaving Facebook too!"

Have you ever heard of a nut pie without the nuts? Have you ever heard of a roast turkey without the turkey? Have you ever heard of chicken nuggets without the chicken? I always wondered, why call it what it isn't? Why not call it what it is? For example, here is a video of a "nutless" pecan pie.

Seems kinda silly to me to call anything without pecans a "pecan pie". Isn't the pecans the whole point of the pie? This is instead made of crisped rice cereal. So, why don't they call it a "crisped rice cereal pie"? That does not make sense to me! And how about this "vegan turkey"? If it says "vegan" on it, then it doesn't have any real turkey in it, does it? It's actually made up of soybeans.

This cannot be called a "turkey" if it doesn't have any turkey. It doesn't make sense! Why not call it a "soybean" roast instead? Or, have you ever heard of a product called "Tofurkey"? It's apparently a vegan "turkey" roast.

OK, So the first 4 letters spell out "tofu", but why put the last 3 letters of "turkey" in the name? Why not just call it a "tofu roast"? Is it because a "tofu roast" doesn't sound as appetizing as a turkey roast? Or maybe you could flat-out call it a "turkeyless roast", like this product from Trader Joe's:

Or how about some "chickenless chicken"? Here's such a product that is available:

If you ask me, it cannot be called "chicken drumsticks" if it is made of soybean proteins. Why not just call them "Soybean protein drumsticks"? If you don't, I would call this false advertising. Of course it says "vegan" on it. But it also says "chicken". It's misleading. And if it's vegan, it won't have any chicken in it. They need to change the wording on their boxes. I've always been a straightforward person. I call everything what it is. I even call myself "fat" because well, I AM!!!! It's not malicious. It's TRUTH!! But I am working on it. 😁 In the past 2 weeks, I have lost 5 pounds! I intend to keep going.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

I saved that one yesterday especially for them. And I should not be posting this post, but I want to have at least one last say here. Thanks to Katrina and her husband for giving me some solace, and helping to bring me back almost to the person I was before. I love you two forever! I may also lose more friends on Facebook now because of this post, but I do not care anymore. And I am not writing this to get sympathy nor nothing like that. I do not even expect to change peoples' opinions about me, nor will I even try to make them understand. In fact, I'm sure this is just going to make them hate me even more, because nothing can change a blind sheep. I just feel like I am not going to feel better myself until I get this out. But beware! I am going to name names!! I have to. Apparently, when I do not name names, people get confused. I want to say now, I have nothing personal against these people, I do not hate them, I do not even dislike them nor disrespect them, even though they may hate me now. But I do not dislike them because if I were in their position, I probably would have felt the same way they do about me. If I didn't know me better. I want to say this one last thing and then I will drop this subject completely.

Two months ago Monday, I lost my father after a brief battle with cancer. I have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since. I go through different phases of grief. I may seem bright and cheery one day, and then the next day, I can be in a total slump. I even went through a couple of weeks where I was nothing but cheerful. I thought the grieving was over with. I thought to myself "That was brief!" But one thing was I could not even bring myself to say the word "cancer". It was like when Hutchess died, I couldn't even say her name for a long time. Whenever I talked about her, I always just referred to her as "the dog I had that died of parvo". But I could not not say "Dad", or "pa". But I could bring myself to not say the word "cancer". I had let the word pretty much slip through my daily existence there for a while. But I still wanted it eradicated!! Over these past 2 months, I have had one other friend contact cancer, named Anna May, and is now battling it, but I have cried for her numerous times, and prayed for her as well. I have another friend named Paula who lost her husband to cancer 3 years ago. I've cried with her over her husband as well. A man I don't even know and never met, but I cried because cancer is an evil killer and I want it gone before it takes anyone else. And I feel for Paula, I feel her loss. And I wish there was a way I could bring back her husband to her, but I can't. And I feel powerless because of it. Just as powerless as I felt seeing my dad suffer in a hospital bed. A strong man, who went on 5-mile long walks daily even after his first rounds of chemo, go from being super-strong to being a vegetable in only a matter of a few month. The number of months a person can count on the fingers of one hand!

But Monday morning, the word entered my mind again, with the news of someone else who is popular in the INXS community, named Kelly P, had also contracted cancer. I was first contacted about her on Sunday afternoon by a friend, but she did not tell me Kelly had cancer. She just informed me she was ill. Yet a post that I wrote on Saturday morning caused an uproar in the INXS community, because it was about someone else I once knew getting sick and in the hospital last Friday night. That person is OK now, as I understand it and went home fine on Tuesday. But she did not have cancer. Not at all, and I have tried to explain that but nobody listens. Everyone thought, because it happened at around the same time, that I was talking about Kelly. Maybe to them, somehow, I must have predicted she was ill? Maybe in a dream? Highly unlikely. I don't dream about people I don't know. Maybe I unknowingly "liked" a post on facebook by a friend that talked about her? If I did, I do not remember. And a lot of times, when I scan Facebook, I am on my newsfeed page going down, fast as lightening clicking "like" on everything without barely reading it. But I click "like" sometimes just to let my friends know "Hey! I'm still alive and kicking!" Especially on days when I am doing something else, or if I am watching a movie or a TV show, or YouTube and scanning through Facebook at the same time. It doesn't always mean I see every bit that is posted. And I would think I'd remember it if someone mentioned "cancer" in their post. Especially since it has deeply impacted my life recently. That is often how I will scan my newsfeed. And I almost NEVER click on peoples' names or visit their Facebook pages. So, if it does not show up on my newsfeed, it most likely won't be seen by me! And remember, Kelly P. also has me on ignore, and has had ever since I lived at the shelter, which was in August. I got back online, looked in the group she and I shared, and I could not see her posts anymore. So, I had absolutely NO WAY of knowing she is battling cancer!!!

Over the past week, I have been accused of "laughing at cancer", when anyone who actually knows me would tell you the opposite is true. Katrina was here with me when I suffered with the loss of my dad. She saw how anguished I was. She was 8 months pregnant, but she gathered enough energy to drive down here and comfort me in my time of loss. She took a day off work, very hard work, to be with me when I needed someone physically here. My facebook friends have been super, don't get me wrong. But having someone here to actually hold my hand, stroke my hair, and for me to lean on was golden to me. I was doing a lot better for a while until this week, when the word "cancer" entered my ears again. And to have people say that I am making fun of cancer, well, all I can say about those people now is that they are STUPID!!!!! Yes, you heard me right!!! I am calling them all STUPID!!!!! ALL these former "friends". Because I just lost my father to cancer!!! They knew it too! Why in the world would I laugh about someone else having it?! When I heard the news finally about Kelly P, and no one may know this or even believe it, but I cried!! I actually cried for Kelly! Someone I do not know, and do not even really like, but I did cry! And I don't give a shit if the stupid-ass trolls believe me or not, but I cried because I feel powerless. I cried for Kelly's family. I cried for her, because I want her to get better! I don't want to see another person suffer with cancer!! I may hate people, but all I can think of when I hear the word "cancer" is what my pa went through, and how I hate the thought of seeing anyone else, whether I like them or not, go through the same thing!! Shoot! I even cried a little for Georgia when she told me she lost her Aunty and a best friend to cancer. NO ONE should lose ANYONE to cancer!!!!!!! I never believed they should!!!

I want to show you all what I mean. This is the post I made after I got home from Arizona:

Lots of people "liked" the post, not every one of them commented, but I knew they understood how I felt, if they read such a long post! Which is fine. But here's the dumb people who commented, but have now turned away with the crowd because they think I don't care, or that I think cancer is a joke:

The reason I am showing this is because these people know better than to think such a thing! Yet they played the "follow the leader" game and unfriended and/or blocked me. The only one who contacted me was Rosanda, GOD bless her! But again, she did not listen when I tried to explain. She just believed what everyone else now believes. But if I really did think cancer was a joke, do you really think I would have had a profile pic like this made?

That's me and my pa. Well, of course I blotted out our faces. LOL! I did that for both my pa, and for Anna May. But if these people were smart, or at least had one iota of common sense, they would have put 2 and 2 together and said "wait a minute! Dee just lost her father to cancer. Why would she make light of it if someone else has it?" and contacted me and at least let me try to explain. But they didn't. These people again, followed the blind sheep herd:

Maybe they believe now that my reactions to these people were phony. But they'd be wrong. I'd never make light of cancer. Not intentionally. The fact that I made that post on Saturday and Kelly P. got ill was a coincidental accident. But I think these people would not even believe that either!! Because they are blind sheep, once again, who would listen to no one but another blind sheep! A sheep who does not have all the facts. That's why I want to write this post today!! Well, Rita Love would not believe anything anyways, she's a dumbass teenager who is just pissed because I will not believe her when she says something so far out as she is going to marry Timmy. But she's lied to me once, and she admitted it to me that she lied to me about her age. And like Judge Judy says, you lie to me once, that sets the stage in my mind that you are going to lie to me again. But this post is not just about her. It's about all these people who apparently lack simple common sense.

Like I said, I have NOTHING against these people. NOTHING!!! I do think they are acting like dumbasses now, but I have not lost all my respect for them. But understand this; I was NOT making fun of cancer!!!! For the trillionth (and hopefully the LAST) time!!!!!! What the fuck else do these people want?! I am putting it in writing! I have explained the situation now in FULL detail! What else do I have to say?!

I would go even farther than that. What I would love to do to each one of these people is take them all to a theater room, strap them to the chairs, and make them look at pictures of me and my sister and stepmother anguishing over my father when he died for 24 hours straight! I would blast the sounds of our crying over loud speakers into their ears for those 24 hours! Crying we all did when my dad died!!! I would get up in front of them, and flash pictures of my dad in happier days right in front of their faces, telling them what a wonderful, caring person he was, and I would hope I would shed some more tears, just so they could see how much in pain I've been! Then I would flash the pictures I took of me and my sister at our dad's side as he was dying and I would MAKE them look and see the anguish in our eyes!!! THEN, I would tell them to say it to my face once again, that I think cancer is a joke!!!!!

If I thought it would help Kelly P, Anna May and everyone else battling cancer now to get better, I would strip each one of these former friends bare naked, bend down and kiss each one of their naked asses, one by one!!! If I thought it would bring back the people we have all lost to cancer, I would give up my INXS fanhood for life!! If I thought it would completely eliminate cancer from this earth, I would lick each one of these womens' clits without hesitation!!! You want me to go further? I will. But what good would it do? I just wanted to write this to get this out there. People are the dumbest creatures on the planet! They never listen!! Thank you again to Katrina and her husband for everything you've done! And to you former "friends"; PLEASE do everyone a favor, NEVER become a judge or jury! You are lousy at listening and getting facts! You'd convict an innocent man to the electric chair without hearing what he has to say!!

Oh yes! One more thing; Don't any of you try to hit me with that "slander" bullshit!!! I have a perfect reason to believe what I do!! You all accused me of thinking cancer is a joke and you are a bunch of damn FOOLS if you truly believe that!! What you all said was slanderous. Not me! Not to mention, it's STUPID!!!! I just wanted to say that again.

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My real name is Cassandra, but I also go by Dee, I like to walk, work out, draw, illustrate and write. I am not in good physical condition yet, but I am getting there. Some highly-creative friends and I write stories for children and young adults for a company we call Uncle Martin and the Gang Stories. Check out our stories at www.umgproductions.com! I also LOVE INXS!!! If you are not a fan of INXS, You've got a lot to learn! ;)