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Steven Wright

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five..I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing Happy Birthday.I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child - eventually .When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said No, I made a few mistakes.