James Garfield is a goddamn saint. Almost

It’s the day before Christmas Eve and the completely inadvertent Christmas miracle is still going on over here between people who are now matching themselves up since I’ve officially hit the brick wall of exhaustion. If you want to help or need help you can comment by clicking here but for now lets get back to the ridiculousness fluffiness and offensive weirdness that probably none of us have missed at all.

I’ve been so swamped matching donors with people in need that yesterday was the first day that I got to do my own Christmas shopping and I’d ordered Hailey a Rapunzel doll but it didn’t come in so I went to Target and the Rapunzel walls were *totally* bare and I was all “THE COBBLER’S CHILDREN HAVE NO SHOES” but then my mom was all “OMG, just get her a barbie and we’ll tell her it’s Rapunzel, drama queen. She’s six, for God’s sake” so we picked out the least slutty barbie we could fine and Christmas was saved.

Then I got a call from this big Canadian network who asked if I could come to a studio for a live interview that night and I was all “I’m not good with geography but I’m pretty sure I can’t drive from Texas to Canada in 3 hours” and she said that she’d found a CBS station nearby that would do a live feed and I said I’d go but only if James Garfield could be interviewed with me because he was the one who started this whole thing and she didn’t exactly say no so Victor and I took off with the head of James Garfield to the news station. James Garfield looked very happy as always but Victor kept glaring and sighing at me as he no doubt wondered how his life got like this and he kept asking if I was sure that all the news people knew I was bringing a giant boar head to be interviewed and I was all “Of course they do” but I kept looking off when I said it because Victor can usually tell when I’m lying. Then Victor carried James Garfield’s giant head into the newsroom and all the anchors were like “Um…so are you doing a story on taxidermy?” and I was all “No, this is the head of James Garfield and he’s performed two Christmas miracles. If he performs one more we’re going to petition the Pope to give him sainthood. True story.” and they were all “Of course you are” and Victor was like “STOP TALKING. YOU SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON” and I was all “There is nothing I just said that isn’t the truth” and then the anchors started to walk off and I was all “He started a movement that gave $42,000 to people who needed Christmas Miracles! CANADIAN TV IS SCOOPING YOU!” and then they nicely nodded and left to call security probably.

And that’s why James Garfield was with me when I went on air and what’s really awesome is that I did the entire interview standing next to the enthusiastically jolly head of James Garfield and no one ever explained why they hell he was there. So everyone watching in Canada who didn’t know the backstory was all “Why is there a giant boar head there and why is that girl introducing him as James Garfield?” Even the host seemed a bit baffled. WHICH WAS AWESOME.

Also, when I’m really, really exhausted my eyes get dry and stick together and it looks like I have a nervous tick or that I’m sending morse code signals to terrorists. I assure you, I don’t even know morse code.

PS. From my sister: “I always knew one day you would make International news, but I always assumed it would involve some sort of horrific accident.” Dude. You and me both.

LOL to your sister’s remark. You did look so tired on there… but you did good. Well…… you and James Garfield who I imagine is a little miffed today that he got very little mention on the interview.
Merry Merry Jenny to you and yours.

Thank you for making my Christmas the most special ever. I will be forcing my family to toast you, James Garfield, and the wonderful man who donated something to help my family meet our bills and obligations at the end of this year. I probably won’t explain why to them either. Just to keep it going.

I didn’t offer to help cos I’ve already helped 3 South-African orphans by buying them lots of stuff for xmas but I followed the story from the very beginning🙂 Gotta say I’m so proud to ‘know’ you, but now we want the *real* Jenny back – the hardcore, kick-ass one. (Btw, If Mr Obama or Ellen contact you, I want a mention in your blogg cos I might have mentioned something about your random xmas goodness🙂

I heard the Pope had to lower the “Saint” threshold to two miracles because of the economy, so don’t wait. You might even get a buy-one-get-one-free Sainthood for you, too. (A saint hoodie costs extra. They really rip you with those add-ons.)

2 Year old watching video: “OOOOH! Piggy! I pet piggy! I pet piggy!…Lady. Pretty. Pretty lady.” So I guess you win with that one.

Also, I want out voicemail message to have a mashup of this and the santa interview on it…namely ending with “leave a message and ‘thanks for introducing us to James Garfield'”, because you just don’t hear that enough.

See, somehow I KNEW this was all due to James Garfield! He is a taxidermied miracle who inspires goodness and joy in us all. And it’s not like his sainted -ness would be unprecedented. Various disembodied sainted body parts have been credited with miracles throughout time, mostly hands and fingers, I think. If a dead, dehydrated human hand (ew) can heal leprosy, just think of the potential that is the wonderousness of James Garfield’s noggin.

You should go ahead and petition the Pope now, to get a head start. (Pun not intended. Oh, who am I kidding. Of course it’s intended)

Eustice was so excited to see James Garfield on TeeVee! Especially since he’s now convinced that he’s somehow related to him. Eustice is cute, I never said he was bright. We also agreed that it was a shame that you didn’t get to tell about how he started the Christmas miracle.

What you did was amazing, Jenny! Oh, and the donor matchmaking thing was cool too, but nothing compares to getting the happiest dead wild boar in the world onto the news!
Serioiusly– my snark of a teenage son was being very down about the whole Christmas spirit thing this year. I will read him excerpts of you blog posts on occasion, so when this all went down, I gave him updates. Now, he is in a much more charitable mood this Christmas– even wants to take his Christmas money and place in the Salvation Army buckets. Watching what happened on your blog brought the point home this time around.
So, James Garfield performed MIRACLE NUMBER #3: He convinced my obnoxious teenager to NOT act like a jerk for a brief moment in time. Merry Christmas to me!!!

Not to add to your Christmas pressures (and I really liked the phrase “least slutty Barbie”) but I’m going off-topic to alert people that in today’s HuffPo, Al Franken has an alarming article on how the FCC is now making rulings that threaten net neutrality for getting sites like this one on mobile broadband devices. The FCC is also not banning the “paid prioritization” that could let corporate blogs buy the fast lane, putting our sites in the slow.

The outcry from independent websites was crucial a few days ago in improving the FCC ruling. But we need to stay alert and inform each other as new threats come up. We need a community of Paul Revere web bloggers.

You can totally tell Victor that he’s just jealous because James Garfield was on international tv and he wasn’t. And then tell him to make you a wine slushie, because that’s what famous people do. And they make non-slutty barbie dolls? Really? Personally, I want a trailer trash barbie. And a red light district barbie. Because I’m awesome.

For some reason, more than anything, it was this interview that choked me up. You did an AMAZING thing (with the usual aplomb) and I can’t wait to help out again next year. (This year I donated $25 to the Winnipeg Christmas Cheer Board in the name of a good friend.)

I’m offended that he called you “A” Bloggess instead of “The” Bloggess. And also that he called James Garfield frivolous (and didn’t explain that it was the frivolous gift that made all that money and started everything.)

Oh well.

Oh, and I can read morse code and am shocked at the profanity you blinked at all those Canadians.

Absolutely excellent. When James Garfield is Sainted I want to get a pendant of him to hang in my car, protecting me from idiot drivers everywhere. He will deny them with his saintly tusks. Also, he’ll just be one charming muthafucka.

I host a huge Christmas gathering at my house every year. On Christmas Day 2010, in honor of the MIRACULOUS James Garfield, we’re laying off the “usual” big ass Christmas ham (pig/boar…same crap, right?). Suck it up, family members. This year you’re getting chicken.

Christmas miracle was fun. My blog is out of date because I have a Christmas RANT but I can’t do it or my husband might see it and it would spoil his surprise (it would however be a NICE surprise for me if he actually read my blog). Oh, and next year, James Garfield Christmas e-cards, OK for those of us who are perpetually behind the christmas curve. too tired to capitalize any more.

A Christmas Miracle indeed. This kind of reaffirms my belief that there are good people out there. I wish I was able to give, and I am even more thankful that I am not one of those in need. You really did something special.

James Garfield (President) was born on Nov. 19 and died on Sept. 19 and your post about your heart growing three sizes was on Dec. 19 and that’s a lot of 19s. Which is numerologically a 10 and reduces down to a 1 (1 plus 0 is 1) and I think we’re all in agreement that you and James Garfield (boar’s head, not to be confused with sandwich meat) are number 1. Together.

James Garfield (President) had a wife named Lucretia Rudolph. It’s a Christmas connection! And I think you know where this is going. (Don’t tell Victor.) But your James Garfield needs a spouse. Or, since you live in Texas, a domestic partner.

Seriously, this was wonderful. Seriously wonderful. You and James Garfield are the best ever. (And the Canadians scoop us on everything.)

When I first started reading your blog I often thought, “I really want to meet this woman!” but more and more often, I find myself thinking that I want to meet Victor. My husband is pretty indulgent when it comes to my, um, “unique charm,” but I think he’d draw the line at boar’s heads and costumed dead squirrels.

Jenny, James Garfield is still working fucking miracles! I am still getting offers in my e-mail box for my friend, Joanna. I have a couple of folks helping her, myself included, so I told the new person (Bless her!) about my friend Terese. She is a breast cancer survivor (2007) who is undergoing a second round of chemotherapy for a spot on her lungs. She came damn close to dying last fall when a bout of pneumonia attacked her ravaged immune system and was in the hospital for 3 weeks. She is married, but they have only one income; and money is tight. She has to stay home all day; she’s too weak to drive. Add on to this, some legal issues they are having PLUS one of her beloved kitties died just last Friday. Truly, The Suck. So, any further wonderful people that want to help, I’m going to send them over to Terese. She is truly a wonderful woman and she has really inspired me.
Thank you everyone; and, especially, James Garfield! Who should be sainted, but I think the Roman Catholic Church has a thing about Sainting a stuffed Boar’s Head, no matter how many miracles he has performed. I need to write the Pope about this one.

Much love to everyone; to you, Jenny, Victor, Hailey, Anderson Cooper and the Miraculous James Garfield!
Nadine

I can’t begin to explain the depth of the delight I got out of seeing you standing there with James Garfield. I LOVE that the cameraperson framed both of you the entire time instead of just zooming in on you.

First of all, he called you A Bloggess, and we all know you’re THE Bloggess. As in the one and only.

B) I’m glad you explained the blinking thing because even knowing what caused it I still felt as if your were somehow trying to communicate with me like in that movie with Diane Lane & Billy Burke where the guy gets kidnapped and is broadcast over the internet.

Finally, the generosity I’ve seen people exhibit this holiday season has restored my faith in humanity. Thank you.

crap. I just read my comment and it sounds like I want to steal your husband. That is not at all what I meant to suggest. I already have a husband and do not need to steal yours. I am just curious about a guy who married a woman who wears cats on her head.

Jenny I thought you would have more of a texas Twang! It was amazing to see you and James up here in the frozen north sharing your story! Thank you for the inspiration and I think not only James but you to should be nominated for Saithood!!

I can’t wait to confuse my husband later when I enthusiastically proclaim I just bought James Garfield meats for sandwiches. He’ll be all, “You mean Boar’s Head?” And I’ll be all “No, James Garfield. I changed the name in honor of the Bloggess’ Miracle-Working Boar’s Head.” And he’ll look at me like I’m all kinds of crazy while I happily eat sandwich meat.

You know how in the Christmas Story it all started when an Angel came to Mary and asked if she would take on a very special job? James Garfield is just like that. An invisible angel (or Christmas Pixie, I’m no theologian) showed you James Garfield in order “move your heart” to accept the very special job of spreading James Garfield Christmas Miracles. Which you have done really well. But this means that Victor, who didn’t want James Garfield, is like the Grinch or something. Or the guy who had no room in his inn. Whatever. The point is Victor had better repent and embrace James Garfield before the canonization (which is a shoo in). After all, as the first stuffed boar’s head to become a Saint, you know James Garfield will be popular and get a church built to him and stuff. Does Victor really want to be the Bad Guy on a stain-glass window? I didn’t think so. He should start burning candles in front of James Garfield now, to get a jump up on the veneration. Also, look for a star rising in the southwest and the arrival of three wise women, the Maggies, who will bring much better gifts than frankincense and myrrh. Although they will probably go with gold as well, because that is always useful. Merry Christmas!

I absolutely love the look of pride on your face when you look at James Garfield at the end of the interview. We Canadians love you and James Garfield.
Merry Christmas and a Peace-filled New Year for you and yours !

That was beyond awesome. James looked lovely and you hardly twitched at all. Really.

Merry Christmas, Jenny. I hope the season’s miracles continue for you all year long.

Well, not just 2010. I meant until next Christmas. You know? Because just for 2 weeks isn’t really a very good Christmas wish on my part, is it? Then again, 2 weeks of Christmas miracles would be pretty freaking awesome.

Either way. I hope you get one of my 2 above-mentioned wishes. Tracey-Out.

I was watching you and thinking what a “doll” you are and then it came to me: Jenny Lawson dolls . Who wouldn’t love a Bloggess doll that says random phrases ? She’d bring delight to homes everywhere. It would be kind of like the Justin Bieber doll but instead of singing she would just say random things about zombies or ninjas. Although she could certainly sing too. She’d be a multi-talented kind of a doll and would kick Barbie’s ass. I see it being the hottest toy for 2011. Portions of the proceeds can go to those in need. C’mon you know I’m on to something here.

Every time I see a pciture of James Garfield, I laugh incessantly because he is ALWAYS smiling! He is definitely the happiest dead boar on the planet.

Also, there are no words to describe how amazing and generous and wonderful you are. Jenny, YOU are the goddamn saint here. Or you’re an angel. Either way, you’re a total badass (you know, the gentle kind with a heart of gold.)

I watched the video of your interview, and I am dying to know who the random man and woman are in the video montage that was playing while you were talking. They showed your pictures from the blog banner, a picture of James Garfield, and then a man with a beard and a woman, separately and together. I’ve been reading you for a while, and I can’t place either of them. Representations of people who were helped? (Size-ist! Because they were both pretty chubby) Random Canadians off the street? People who had no relation to your story? Screensavers from someone at the station’s computer?
I probably should have been paying more attention to you, I know – I was listening, I swear – but the blinking was threatening to send me into one of those anime-like epileptic fits😉 So I was looking around🙂
You’re a rock star, for the $42K, for the Christmas hope you spread, and mostly because the Canadian guy had no idea why you brought James Garfield, and yet didn’t have the cojones to ignore him while talking to you. So much better than a Chihuahua in a purse!

The way he introduced you and James Garfield, it kind of left viewers open to the assumption that maybe it’s just a Texas thing. “Of course, the San Antonio station has a boar’s head named James Garfield. And the Dallas affiliate has a wolverine named Rutherford B. Hayes.”

Gotta love Canadians… we don’t react to oddities such as a wild boar’s head being named James Garfield. Probably because our brains are frozen, or from the sugar high after drinking shots of maple syrup… I love being Canadian, I get to say stuff that would be an insult if it came from anybody else!

I tend to think you saved James Garfield, which was miracle number one. He then went on to perform two miracles, making three total, and if my math is correct that puts you AND James Garfield up for Sainthood. Or seven, which just doesn’t make any sense.

I really wish he would have read your blog first. He so obviously didn’t get the James Garfield connection. That being said, it was so nice to see you on one of our Networks, Jenny. You have really brought back the Christmas spirit and are an inspiration.

James Garfield looks so damn dapper up there! The Canadian didn’t quite know what to say. “Frivolous” gift? I think not. Silly Canadian man. Maybe James Garfield needs a Christmas costume? Maybe wings and some sort of halo.

Hope you and your family and every other reader/commenter/giver/person in need on this lovely blog have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since bing crosby danced with danny fucking kaye.

Deb Rox is correct. Because of the bad economy, or the worsening morality of people in general, sainthood is now being offered at a discount. Only two miracles are needed!

The miracles need to be posthumous, which seems to be the case with James Garfield. But he needs to be baptized first, if you haven’t done that already. Then the local bishop needs to recommend him to the Vatican. Hint: being a martyr (James Garfield, not the person asking the bishop) will help this along. There will be a big investigation, which sometimes takes centuries, but Pope JP2 did away with the position of Devil’s Advocate (drat – so much more my career path) so things should move a bit more quickly now.

You’ve inspired me, and I hope to start/organize something like this next year. If I’m even 1/10 as successful at helping others as you have been, I’ll be overjoyed. And that is the best present anyone can get.🙂

This whole story is incredible and so is everyone who helped in this. Wish I could have helped myself but if i’m in a better place financially next year I totally will. (You DO know you’re going to have to do this every year for forever now, right Jenny?)

The reporter clearly didn’t do his homework, or he wouldn’t have introduced you as “a bloggess,” as if you are only one of many bloggesses in the world. There can only be one Bloggess. You’re like the Highlander, without the sword, and cutting other people’s heads off and stuff. And way more awesome than some thousand-year-old dude. I don’t recall the Highlander having a boars head sidekick. That would have been really badass.

I love you Jenny!!! I’m so proud to be one of your minions!
p.s. no wig! you go girl! Such a beautiful woman!!
p.p.s It was good they didn’t ask you about the Canadian currency issue of last year….that way you didn’t have to explain having a boars head and wanting Canadian bacon.

And you are my goddamn hero! Truly.
PS – I love that James Garfield was on TV with you.
PSS – The interview was awesome.
PSS – YAY CANADA! Though I live in Massachusetts – but that’s close to Canada, right?

I’m just mad about this whole thing because since “meeting” you online I still haven’t been able to make it to a single conference and chill with you in the ladies room although I’ve been planning on it and now it’s going to look like I’m just a gold digger or some kind of hanger-on that is trying to up my coolness factor now that you are DOCUMENTED by the powers of TV to be better than Mother Theresa (not just by your header logo thing) even though I totally was planning on it before James Garfield. And nobody is going to believe me, and besides there will be so many people crowding the stalls that I’ll have to sit in the one with the poo juice flung up on the back of the bowl and the wet TP sticking to it, just to say I went to a con and buoyed your spirits or whatever it is that one does while you avert panic attacks partying in the bathroom.

So now I’m going to have germs on my pants and it’s all James Garfield’s fault.

Loved the interview….and you know, we Canadians just assume that pretty much anything goes in Texas and we’re too damn polite to make comments about a mounted boar’s head sharing the camera’s lens with you.

I hope you’re having calling cards engraved for JG. “James Garfield, Wonderful Boar.” He really ought to have them because now that he’s an international star and candidate for sainthood (not “statehood” as I originally typed, although I would move to the Commonwealth of James Garfield in a heartbeat) he’s going to have to make a lot of personal calls, I bet.

Jenny,
I don’t know if you got help with the doll but I’m hoping this is a chance for me to pay it forward. I have a beautiful barbie rapunzel, never opened, that I would love to send to Hailey! I know it won’t get there in time for Santa but I can get it there early next week. I sure hope I can do this for you and Hailey!

Such a wonderful story. So proud of all you and James Garfield and blogland has done!
I went to my scary walmart yesterday because I was on a quest for a crayola crayon maker that is a. The stupidest idea ever. Who wants to melt old crayons together? My almost thirty year old sister apparently and b. A made up thing. Nobody has one.
BUT in addition to the holiness people from across the river swarming around, they had TONS of Rapunzel dolls. Big ones. Mini ones with accessories, etc. Lemme know if you want one sent to you. Since you made a happy Christmas for so many others!
Of course, the universe hates me so they’ll probably be gone but I am willing to schlep there and overnight that shit to you.

James Garfield totally should be a saint. In fact, he meets the requirements for canonization!
1. Servant of God. Yeah, totally. Sure, why not.
2. Declaration “non cultus”- Basically this one means that he is incorruptible, or he didn’t decay after his death which, as we can all see is the truth, thanks to the wonders of taxidermy.
3. Venerable of heroic in nature. As you have stated, he has brought about multiple miracles. Christmas miracles at that!
4. Blessed. All you need now is a letter from the church saying that he is “worthy of belief.”

Then you can go about organizing his feast day, figuring out what he is the patron saint of (Taxidermy? Impulse purchases?) and writing him some songs.

Jenny,
Sorry my original comment didn’t come through. I’m rushed for time so I haven’t been able to check the other comments but if you have not found a Rapunzel I have a beautiful Barbie Rapunzel, never opened, that I would love to send to Hailey. This would give me a chance to pay it forward for all the help you and the my donors gave me and would warm my heart beyond belief to make Hailey’s Christmas wish come true. I know it’s late in the day but if I hear back from you soon enough I think there’s still time to get it shipped overnight. Merry Christmas!

Ho ho ho kiddo. I’m glad to know that you finally were able to get out and do something for yourself. Because of you a lot of folks are going to have a happier holiday. Thanks for letting me bring just a little of it. Since it is Christmas have you thought about getting James Garfield a girlfriend for Christmas? It just seems like since he was the inspiration for all this wonderfulness it’s be nice to do something for him too.

This is way beyond awesome. Actually Metamorphosteph used the term “pull a Bloggess” to describe an act of random kindness and I think it is brilliant. “Pulling a Bloggess” should be added to Urban Dictionary.🙂 James Garfield FTW!

Merry Christmas, m’lady. You deserve to sleep for whole 3 days without anybody needing you. xxoo

Have you ever been to a really wild Xmas party at work where everybody got really drunk and Jenny from legal started a nude conga line and everybody joined in.
Now every body has sobered up and we are back at work but because we’ve all seen each other naked we’re avoiding eye contact with our co-workers. Cos like dude, we’ve all seen each others junk.
Yeah, today feels a little bit like that.
Mary motherfucking X?as Jenny. To Victor and Hailey. Sorry that it all got so out of hand. I blame the economy.

Thank you SOOOOO much Secret Santa! Jenny is a little miracle worker! I’m a single Mom of two little girls and I was really struggling with getting even just a few of the “must haves” for them this year. This gift from you goes a long way to not only making sure gifts are covered but it did WONDERS for my Christmas Spirit. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU and God Bless! I hope that by next year that I can be one of the givers instead of in need of receiving. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart (and from under the Christmas tree too) I hope you have a beautiful and blessed 2011!

I was thinking next year that maybe James Garfield could be passed from blogger to blogger, spreading miracles and probably little tufts of fur and preserved flesh wherever he goes. It could be like Sisterhood of the Traveling James Garfield. We’d probably need FedEx to sponsor us, though. I bet that saintly boar is a bitch to ship.

YOU. ARE. AWESOME. This is even better than the boobie in your yard! And I *really* liked the boob in your yard… in a non-lesbian way… not that I’m judging lesbians I’m just not one.. Ok.. point is you’re awesome. I’m done now.

That TV interview was James Garfield’s first, wasn’t it? He’s sort of a natural. But I can see what you mean about the nervous tic eye thingy. I’m willing to overlook it because you brought James Garfield on camera and not Victor. heh.

Seems like all the talk is about James Garfield and I can’t disagree, but you’re the real story here. You’ve put “giving” back into Christmas and I’ve got to thank you (and your minions) for showing me, the country and apparently now, the entire world the way to go about it.

Wow, I really like you now. My 1st visit was last week, but since we’re not in need, nor are we able to help anybody else right now, I didn’t comment. Plus, I thought you really were married to James Garfield and were friends w/Anderson Cooper, but come to find out you’re an ordinary woman (like the rest of us) who happened to start an extraordinary thing.
The boar head kinda creeped me out cuz I have a pet pig & she kinda looks like James Garfield, cept she’s alive & her heads not as big, neither are her teeth. (thankfully) Being that you’ve taken care of Mr. Garfield since he’s been in your possession, I got past the boar head issue – so, I’m back to visit. 🙂

” And uh, that’s a wonderful boar you got there beside you.. ” LOL!! As soon as that clip showed you standing there with James Garfield i just bust out laughing. In fact now everytime i picture it in my head i start laughing. That was awesome.

James Garfield’s body, I’m assuming is in boar heaven, must be very proud of its head. I’m sure it was all like, “LOOK, look, it’s our head. It’s our head. Way to go head.” But the other boar angels didn’t hear that of course because duh, no head. But they knew something’s was up when for some unknown reason, the headless boar body got its wings. Way to go head.

Wait, you won’t leave the bathroom at an event but you’ll appear on international television? I was nervous *for* you as I watched the clip. Good on ya.
Also loved your knowing and adoring look at James Garfield at the end. Totally bounced.
And still wondering why Posey is mysteriously absent from your roll of thank you’s. (Which include you, Victor, Hailey and Anderson Cooper.)

Whoo hoo Stacey (#92) – I’m in! We can contact Mattel (or wait, no, slutty Jenny dolls are NOT what’s needed!) – let’s talk to Hasbro, they’re right down the interstate from me in RI! Bet we can sell this, NO PROBLEM!! And the way the Chinese factories are so fast, we can easily be geared up for next year😉

Jenny, you are the most awesome, most beyond awesome, most amazing and wonderful blogger of all.🙂

Okay, when you wrote MIRACLE NUMBER ONE and MIRACLE NUMBER TWO, I immediately thought of Val Kilmer in The Saint. ;D
Thank you, Jenny, for inspiring this, and for giving two families the courage to ask for help that I could joyously give.

I wouldn’t be suprised if this becomes a running year-round one-for-one benefactor program. The world needs that kindness right now. Happy holidays to you and your family.

Yay you for your Canadian TV debut! Very cool that they let us see it in the US — many Canadian feeds are blocked stateside.

I always knew you and James Garfield were destined for television. Rock on Jenny, seriously what you started here brought me to tears. And thank you to everyone who helped those in need, Merry Christmas to you all!!

Mom to mom, cobbler to cobbler… I was at Rite Aid and stumbled upon the perfect Repunzel Barbie (long hair, comes with 3 pairs of shoes, and tons of other accessories). Maybe you could call around and see if any of your local stores have one. She’s the best non-slut Barbie I’ve seen in months! Plus she’s on sale. And there’s a couple of coupons out there you could use to make her even less expensive. Can you tell the Coupon Goddess sent me your way?

Next time, I’m thinking you should hide behind James Garfield (not because we don’t want to see your lovely face, but because it is funnier this way) and conduct the whole interview pretending to be his voice, you know, ventriloquist style (that word is fucking hard to spell). I suggest drinking milk before so you can get the throaty boar voice right. I mean, when I was learning Hebrew, that’s how they got us to pronounce words like challah and chai (Hebrew for life, not tea) so I think it would be a good way to make your voice more boar like. And then the news anchors will be forced to more fully acknowledge James Garfield and give him some freaking respect already.

But maybe pop your head out at the end so you can send out some morse code messages to the greater Canadian population, and so that they can be stunned by your good looks. (See, another advantage to playing ventriloquist for James Garfield…the good people won’t be distracted by your hotness and will listen to why James Garfield is a saint and how you work fucking miracles).

You and James Garfield make an excellent pair. For Christmas, my boyfriends family sends out emails to everyone LISTING everything they want in great detail, with a little note on the bottom to contact everyone else, so they don’t get the same thing twice. Vomit, right? Thanks for making the real feeling of Christmas count!

How frickin hilarious would that have been for someone sitting at home, eating their dinner, watching the news, and they’d be all like ‘oh, a christmas feel good charity story to warm the very cockles of my heart..’ and then there you are with a gigantic boar’s head called James, and apparently it is tthe most normal thing in the world that he’s right there by your side for the duration… no explanation, just a nice lady talking about charity, with a mountain boar’s head…

Oh man!!! I’m new, and I can tell ya, you have one wet pant-ed fan!! (in a totally not creepy way! more of a lauged-so-hard-I-peed-my-pants) (but not really)😀 Very funny! Keep it up!! And I hope you’re heart is ok😉

Oh my God, Ellie — I wish someone would work up an animation of James Garfield’s headless boar-angel body up in the clouds, proudly watching its head giving interviews and then popping out some wings. I think I would die happy.

Really though, the generocity you’ve inspired this Christmas has me crying. I wish that I had enough extra money this year to contribute (then again–I don’t have so little that I would feel right asking for a card because so many are in need). What you and your readers have started is truly a miracle. Hopefully you will continue this tradition next Christmas, although you might get some reader or friend volunteers to help you. You deserve sleep!!

I haven’t been to mass in 10 years, but I’m pretty sure there is not YET a patron saint of bloggers. As James Garfield approaches canonization, we ought to put that bug up the Vatican’s ass. James Garfield: patron saint of bloggers.

Hysterical! And I’m so proud of you and the fact that you made international news by doing something good and not by a horrific accident! THAT would have sucked big balls! Merry Christmas! And AGAIN, thanks for ALL that you did!!!!

OK…the interview was awesome! There was a small touch of “OH bless her heart” in Mark Kelly’s voice that I found hysterical. I have lived in the deep south for only a few years and one of the first things I learned was that “Oh bless his/her heart” is southern code for…”Oh isn’t it a shame he/she’s so retarded”….Mark Kelly oozed “Oh Bless Her Heart” during the interview. He’s obviously not a reader of your blog….his loss.
Merry Christmas to you and to James Garfield and….what’s his name?….Victor.

I can’t begin to tell you how inspirational your story is. It’s one thing you found it in your heart to give back to others. It’s quite another thing how your generosity inspired others to give as well.

I just wanted to mention how much I love reading your blog. I also love the serendipitous moments we stumble across while speeding down the information superhighway. I forwarded the link for your blog to my husband. Not only did he also love your story, he was amazed that you know and mentioned Anissa Mayhew. My husband worked and is friends with Anissa’s husband Peter. This got us to talking about how we live in a small world and prompted him to write a post to his blog (http:/bit.ly/about_size) about that topic.

Thank you for being an inspiration and for making such a positive impact in the lives of so many people this holiday season.

That guy was an asshole. He had NO IDEA who James Garfield was! He should have done his homework so he’d know the boar that started an avalanche of altruism. Without James Garfield, there wouldn’t even BE Christmas this year…For fuck’s sake, call the pope already!

James Garfield makes my heart warm and fuzzy and filled with joy and I really hope that before I die I can kiss his taxidermied lips and say “Thank you for helping all of those people, JG. You are a hero.”

Also, I’m not into beastiality, nor am I a necrophiliac. I just like kissing patron saints. Because it shows reverence.

Thanks for the inspiration. My daughter and I went on a shopping spree at Borders and chose some of our all time favorite books and donated them to our community woman’s shelter. You sure made a fishes and loaves and wine (do I have that right?) story come true this year Jenny! Keep the good work you bad ass!

Merry Christmas, Jenny! You rocked on the interview and James Garfield does look insanely happy. I think $90 was a bargain. Speaking of which, I thought you might like to know that I had a glass of Montbazillac today in a small town in central France with a man who has one of James Garfield’s French relatives up on a wall in his upstairs hallway. I have a guest room, so if you and James (and Victor and Hailey) want to come to a town that sort of resembles ’60s’ Garland, Texas or Edmond, Oklahoma, come on over and I’ll hook James up with is long lost kin.

Jenny, I love you so much, I just got hives. Not even goosebumps, but HIVES.

That is some serious love. ER levels of love.

Thank you for… Man, just for everything. For helping families who need it, for giving other people a call to do what people are supposed to do – we’re all here to take care of each other. You and the ultra distinguished James Garfield just went Sam Jackson all over his holiday, all, “Where is the motherfuckin’ Christmas SPIRIT up in this piece?!”

My heart, it bursts. You are a beautiful, amazing, incredible, WONDERFUL woman, and my hat is so completely off to you.

This was such a wonderful thing! I am so sorry I hadnt turned on my laptop lately to catch all the buzz and to donate,Damn smartphone keeping me in touch but so out of touch! Next year I am all over this.
Chiara

That was a great interview. You go girl…and James G….wait now he needs a celebrity name…how about J. Gar and you can be J. Blo. Wait. Don’t know if that’s quite what we were going for. Don’t want to see that in the phone book. Sorry.

Still, great job. We can’t say it enough. You rock and all of the people that participated rock.

I have to say that is the most unusual video I have seen in a long time. You are talking about how hard it is for people financially right now, and because it it Christmas, and I am a little hormonal, I almost start to cry. Then I look at James Garfield and start to laugh. Laughing and crying in the same video. Awesome!

CBC rocks😉 And you know what I realized the other day? Canada is practically immune from zombie invasion for like six months of the year. Cause at -20 (I think that’s about 0 in farenheit) those suckers would be frozen steak on the freeway within a couple of hours, tops. Not sure about the rest of the year though.

Did he just call you inane fluff? And A Bloggess? Also? I don’t think that newscaster reads this blog because he totally added the gift card part to the story too early. Unless they always talk like that in Canada and I’m the idiot for not speaking Canadian. Lost in translation from English to English. Again.

OMG. I only came across this blog and got involved with the Christmas Miracle due to my friend posting it on Facebook, so I wasnt a regular reader before. But I came back today and read the back story about James Garfield, and seriously nearly peed my pants. I was laughing so hard tears were spilling over as i read the whole blog out loud to my husband. The awesomest of awesomeness.

[…] many things since we rescued him from dismemberment (not the least of which was the time when he inadvertently raised $42,000 to help people buy Christmas gifts for their kids and then ended up …) but today he adds “accidental matchmaker” to his list of […]

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Love your blog and I’ve been reading it backwards since yesterday. Just wanted to say (as probably other people have done before me but I couldn’t be fucked to read the 200+ comments) that if people that can’t pay their gas bill contact you online for help…does that mean they do have cash for internet bills instead??

How awesome is that? $42,000 brought to you by a stuffed boar’s head and the word motherfucker. Or a woman who says whatever she thinks, which is totally not in fashion. Same thing.

Jenny cusses, gets money, gives it to other people, and gets to keep James. All these years, I think I’ve been doing it wrong.

And P.S., I remember a post where Victor was complaining about Jenny buying towels. Seriously, towels. Cheap towels. I bet he’d even use the towels. He should save complaining for giant stuffed boar’s heads…. if he could find one that wasn’t awesome.

Further, since you’re still reading, I’d like to point out the greatness of “goddamn saint”.

Helloooooo! Canadian reader here. Just working my way backwards through your blog and enjoying every minute of it!

Just wanted to say (even though it’s a year later) how much this story touched me and how much I wish I could have watched that cbc video live at the time! Wonderful to see you and James Garfield on Canadian tv!!!

All in the Family: Courtney LeBlanc's poetry chapbook is an honest and raw look into the dynamics of family relationships, the good, the bad, and the oh-so ugly; it'll make you cringe, cry, laugh, smile, and appreciate the relationships you have with your family.