I Hate My Wife: 20 Circumstances When It’s Okay to Feel this Way

I am just going to say it—marriage is NOT easy. If you often feel like saying, I hate my wife, take heart. We both hate each other sometimes.

That phrase breaks my heart. If I had a dime for every time that I have heard a guy say, I hate my wife, I would own a jet plane… Yep, that is right; I don’t. The sad reality is that any woman would be absolutely devastated to know that a man would say he hated her.

If you are a guy and you seriously feel like you hate your wife then, you have two options. You try to make things better, or you walk away. Walking away is never easy after saying “I do,” but if you can’t find solace in her presence, then it is a little more than irritation.

I hate my wife: The 20 reasons to say I don’t anymore…

We all hate our significant other at times. Some of us admit it while others go on their merry way, burying their head in the sand. It is normal to hate each other once in a while, but if it is a perpetual feeling and involves some critical things, then it is time just to say goodbye.

#1 Your fighting affects the kids. Anyone who grew up in a house where fighting was the norm knows that it isn’t fun. If you hate your wife to the point where you can’t even smile at each other or “make nice,” then it is time to move along and find a new happy.

If you stay for the kids, don’t make the mistake of thinking it does them any favors. Even if you ditch out of fights to avoid them, the carnage is around when you aren’t there. If you hate your wife, she probably suffers too. Let everyone off the hook and just leave. [Read: How do you know when your marriage is over: And is it too late?]

#2 She’s unwilling to take responsibility. If your wife makes you feel like it is always your fault and she doesn’t have anything to do with it, then there isn’t anything you can do about it. Finding a compromise involves two people who work on a problem together.

If she thinks the problem lands just on you, then it is time to vacate and let her see how things are without you. Maybe good, maybe bad, but you finally find your happy.

#3 She is or has cheated on you. If your wife cheated on you, then there is a good reason to feel disdain towards her. Trust is the cornerstone, not just of marriage but love. If you can’t trust someone, then it is hard to let her in your life.

If forgiveness is not something that you can realistically give and you hate her for what she did, you have a right to. It is okay to feel you can’t be with her anymore if she has betrayed your trust. [Read: Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?]

#4 She wears the yoga pants in the family and won’t give up any control. If she orders you around like a slave or generally just doesn’t have any respect for you or your feelings, then that is not someone to spend the rest of your life with.

Some women feel as if their husband should be at their beck and call. It is normal for a woman to want certain things or to have a “honey do” list once in a while, but if you feel like a hired hand or an indentured servant, then it might be time to say “goodbye.”

#5 She drains your accounts. If she thinks your savings account is her petty cash drawer, then it is time to tell her to cut it out or cut her out. Nothing is worse than working full time to get ahead to find that you never have any money.

#6 She is so controlling you can’t breathe. If you can’t pee without her permission, then that isn’t a healthy way to live. A partnership involves just that, a partnership.

If you can’t make half of the decisions about the relationship or any about your own life, that is not how you can spend it. If you hate her because she owns you, then it is time to move along.

#7 She uses sex as a tool, if you even want to have it with her anymore. If sex has become nothing but a tool to manipulate and control you, then that isn’t a very loving union. Sex is supposed to be about pleasuring one another. If she uses it to manipulate or punish you, then that makes any man hate his wife.

#8 She belittles you. If she tells anyone who will listen how much you fail, the stupid things you do in the privacy of your own home, or how you are just dumb as rocks, then you have a reason not to like her.

#9 There is no appreciation in her body. If she doesn’t appreciate anything you do, like anything, then it might be time just to let her go her own way. Being loved and appreciated is something everyone deserves.

If everything you do she just expects and doesn’t ever say thank you, that is never going to change. She obviously feels she’s entitled to you, which is not true.

#10 She doesn’t contribute anything but bills to the household. If you work full time and she sits on her ass full time, it isn’t that difficult to start feeling resentful. It is okay if you have an arrangement where she runs the household, and you run the money. But if you run around doing everything, then what is the benefit for you?

#11 She physically attacks you. If in rare instances the heat of battle gets so intense that she throws water over your head that is one thing. But, if she takes a swing at you, throwing really heavy shit at your head, or kicking you around on a weekly basis, it is time to get out.

Sooner or later someone is going to get hurt, and if it is her, you don’t want to be on the hook for striking back to defend yourself.

#12 Her relentless verbal assaults never stop. If she can’t stop verbally accosting you every time you walk through the door, then it is time to tell her that she either must start showing you some respect or you are going to find someone else.

#13 Nothing you ever do will ever be good enough. If nothing you ever do is good enough, then it is time to say goodbye. Sure, in every relationship there comes a point where the other person seemingly cannot be pleased.

But, if you have consciously really tried to listen to her and change your ways, and you receive no response or change from her, then it isn’t worth it. Spending a lifetime being wrong and chastised isn’t fair or right for anyone.

#14 Her girl’s weekends never end. If she spends all her time away from home while you play daddy dearest, first of all, you might want to make sure that they are “girl’s weekends.” Secondly, you might just want to start taking your own time away to gain some freedom.

Marriage should be about two people having equal amounts of time together and apart. Not one person getting to do whatever they want, whenever they want.

#15 She has a vice more important than your family. If she is a drug addict, alcoholic, or has some other vice ruining your family, staying with her just makes you codependent and keeps her stuck. If you hate her, but really love her, walk away, or she will never straighten out or up. [Read: 10 scary signs of codependency in your relationship]

#16 She lies about everything or you just can’t trust her. Lying is something that can’t be tolerated in a marriage. If you can’t trust what she says, then you can’t share her bed.

#17 You can’t seem to find a way to get along. A continual roller coaster isn’t fun! If you can’t seem to get past the same old argument that keeps surfacing time and time again, then it is time to get off the ride and find some normalcy. You might find that you don’t hate her so much when you aren’t continually battling.

#18 You don’t think she is a good person. If you don’t think that she is generally a good human being and you no longer see the woman you fell in love with, then it is time to get out of the marriage for both of your sakes.

#20 You are afraid of her. If you are afraid to be you, make a move, or do anything, I don’t have to tell you that sooner or later you must make a move. It isn’t going to be any less painful if you wait. You only waste time and make your own life miserable for something inevitable anyway.

If your love turned to hate, there is very little hope that it will turn back the other way. When you tried everything you know to make the marriage happy, and it just isn’t, sometimes you must rip the bandage off and let the healing begin.

If you’re just experiencing the ebb and flow of marriage, maybe it is time to sit down and have a real conversation about what is going on. Perhaps if you communicated what your needs are to her, she would accommodate them.

Maybe she has no idea that you feel the way you do and would gladly change to meet you halfway. If the above doesn’t apply to you, then my dear, you have it pretty good.

The phrase, I hate my wife, is something every guy likely says at some point in their marriage. Sometimes it is just in the heat of the moment when you have had enough. No marriage or relationship is perfect, but if you feel it too often, it’s time to move on.

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