The Bachelor Recap: The Women Yell All

Welcome back, Bachelor lovers! We're Alyssa and Allison, unabashed Bachelor fans and your trusty rose recappers. Last night was the ever-dramatic Women Tell All Special, which should have been renamed the "We Hate Courtney--Plus Some Other Stuff--Show." We recount the top five moments:

Photo Credit: ABC/NICK RAY

5. Prime Time LaughsEverybody loves a good blooper reel, and us Bachelor fans are no exception. Turns out, between the crippling catfights and buckets of tears this season, there were a few laughs. During the obligatory “See, Ben is funny!” montage, the girls were shown laughing at each others blunders, dancing on beds and sliding on the floor (we were confused about that last one too.) The shinning moment however, was straight out of a scene from a Hitchcock film (you know the one) when a small green bird attempted to pluck Ben’s model-obsessed heart straight out of his chest on a boat date with Lindzi.

4. Emily FTW!Out of all the ladies, Emily was the one who came out of the special, ahem, smelling like a rose. She was the only woman to admit that she may have “dodged a bullet” with Ben after seeing his bad behavior on TV, and we applaud her for realizing that she can do better than this bozo. She demanded an explanation from Ben in a funny, not whiny, way (“You could have just said, ‘I hate raps. Your raps are awful.'”). Plus, she won us over even more with this great line from the blooper reel: To a yappy dog, “I’m going to Cesar Milan his ass!”

3. Ben Mans Up (sort of)Ben got off very easy in this special. The ladies used up all their violent hatred on Courtney, so when Ben finally took the hot seat, he got a lot of softball questions and some praises from his former girlfriends. He didn’t have to answer for the skinny-dipping incident and he didn’t give Kacie or Nikki a straight answer about what when wrong. The one thing he did cop to was being unnecessarily harsh to Casey S, who was booted for possibly still having feelings for a jerk ex-boyfriend. His cold dismissal of Casey miffed us at the time, so we’re glad he apologized.

2. Three Cheers, Two Classy Ladies, One Silly BachelorEmily said it before (see number 4) and we’ll say it again: Nicki and Kacie, you dodged a bullet. While the lovelorn ladies were still reeling from their Bachelor snub, they both had enough wits about them to realize they were too good for the boy with the rose. “I would never ask him what I did wrong, because I was myself,” said Nicki in earnest, eliciting whooping “You go, girl!” style applause from the female audience. We’d love to see either of these ladies as the next Bachelorette, or maybe a three-bachelorette special including sassy science nerd Emily–talk about ratings, ABC.

1. Courtney’s Mean Girl RemorseBen’s bachelorettes had their pitchforks sharpened long before they knew the meanie model would be making an appearance in an attempt to revamp her damaged image. Once Courtney took to the stage, the claws were out and the girls weren’t buying the scripted tearful apologies the now-remorseful beauty was dishing (frankly, neither were we–it seemed like Courtney Googled “apologies” and memorized the first few entries.) One thing is for sure: Courtney’s seemingly inevitable win will make for a very interesting (re: dramatic) After the Final Rose episode next week. We’ll see you there, Bachelor lovers.