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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

"Thank you all for coming to the Punxsutawney Mall Santa Auditions! We're here to find a special Santa 'stand-in' [winkwink] to take pictures with the kids this weekend. So, let's bring you in one by one, and have you give us your very best Santa greeting! Ok? Ok!

"First contestant, you're up!"

"ARR! Marrrrry Christmas, ye landlubbers!"

"Um...sorry, but I think we're looking for someone just a little more traditional. Next, please!"

"Bark! Bark bark bark bark!!"

"I'm confused. Are you a dog or a seal?"

"Not really sure, love, but look! I can throw things in the air!"

"Next!"

"Merry frickin' Christmas."

"Oh, my, is that really a proper Santa attitude?"

"Lady, quit screaming. Santa's head is KILLING him."

"NEXT!!"

"How much for the women?"

"NEXT!!"

[growling]

"Ohhh kaaaay. I'm going to back away slowly now.

"Well, that's everyone, so I guess we'll just have to go with Mrs. Claus again this year. That ok with you, Mrs. Claus?

"Mrs. Claus?"

[ .... ]

"Look, I know you're great with the kids, but maybe you could consider, you know, talking once in a while."

At first I thought #1 was a pokeball... then I thought it was a pirate... and then I remembered this was supposed to be about Santas. So now I'm actually impressed that ONE cake could somehow confuse me for all three. So bravo, mastercake of disguise. Bra.vo.

Sadly, each of these bakers did NOT receive the shiny red bicycle they asked Santa for when they were 8 years old. They manage to hide their seething resentment of Mr.Claus most of the year, but it comes out during the holiday baking season.

Mrs. Claus' glassy-eyed stare and valium-induced half-smile reminds me of those poor political wives who have to stand supportively next to their husbands at the press conference called to explain that husband's recent sex-related political scandal. (I guess someone must have leaked pictures of yesterday's little tableau and the North Pole is in damage control...)

Ahh scary Santa cakes before Christmas. Next thing you know wreckerators will haunt me with Santa clown cakes. Evil Santa clown cakes that growl at you lol. Back to hiding under the bed for me again if that happens.

I love your american cakes with fondant, frosting and all things nice (like mohawk-baby-carrot-riders). Here in Sweden cake is just cake with a little cream om top and maybe a birthday candle. Not much to wreck. Almost makes me wish I lived in the US. Merry Christmas to all.

#1 made perfect sense to me. I, um, have a bit of a pirate obsession and one year blurted out "Yo ho ho! Merry Christmas!" It's now become a running joke between me and my husband. We get a lot of strange looks at Christmas time.