The Miles Interview

On Thursday, as the press conference was winding down with Trail Blazers coach Nate McMillan, general manager John Nash and team president Steve Patterson, I met across town with Darius Miles at a Tualatin eatery. The following is a transcript of the hour-long interview:

Q: How did your exit interviews go this morning?

A: The one with John Nash was like a minute, two, maybe five minutes. It wasn't really nothing.

(Waitress comes).

He came in there, and was like, 'I know you don't want to be here'. Which first of all, the first time I told them I didn't want to be here, all summer they didn't talk to me, I came in like a month early in September when Nate got the job, and as soon as I came in they were surprised I was in early. So when I came in, the first thing he asked me was 'Do I want to be here?' The first question, before anything, how you doing, first question was 'Do you want to be here?' and I was like, 'No.'

He asked me why, and I said there was a lot of stuff that went down last year that I was the fallback guy on. That everything was blamed on me, like the whole season. And basically this season it repeated itself. I played 40 games, and if we lost like 61 games, how can you blame a whole season on me when I play only 40 games. It's just been crazy. I feel there is no support, no backbone, they always got a fallback guy. There was a fallback guy before I got here, and there will be a fallback guy when I leave. There will be that one person where the whole blame is put on them.

With the fans, I love the fans to death. We have the best fans, I feel they can go against any fans in the NBA. We have a great owner, and I appreciate everything Paul Allen has done for me. But our fans are so perfect and so great. For the some of them who boo, I would boo me too, if I saw some of the stuff they show on the news channels or if I had seen some of the stuff that they write down, I would boo me, too. So, I don't really take the boos as offense, I take the boos as a love of their team and a love of the Trail Blazers as an organization.

There were little boos on and off. Yesterday, there was one guy in the stands at halftime, when I was shooting with Martell, he was like "You should give the money back and just leave our team!" I listened and said all right. Then there was a guy as I was walking to the locker room and he was like, 'Miles, walk with your head up high.' It's just tough love, you know what I'm sayin? We have the best fans in the world, and that fan who says for me to give my money back, that fan loves his team and cares about what the Blazers are doing. Like I said, if I would have read some of the (stuff) they write and see some of the stuff they put on the TV, I'd be mad too, if I cared about my team like that.

Like Canzano, what's his name? Canzano? Like that stuff. Everything is not bad. But people got their own opinion.

Like Im a (St. Louis) Cardinals fan at heart, the only way I can get deep into the locker room, or deep into what's going on I gotta listen to what SportsCenter is saying and look at what the paper is saying. When SportsCenter giving me nothing but negative about the Cardinals, and the paper is giving me nothing but negative about the Cardinals, I gotta be mad at somebody on the team. It might not be Pujols, but I might be mad at Edmonds. He don't want to be here ... this, that.

Q: But Darius, we sensed that you didn't want to be here

A: Well, Nate asked me three our four times this season, and John Nash knew from the get-go, but it's just ... we were hoping a trade was going to go through.

Q: Which trade did you think was going to go through?

A: It was the New York trade. The only trade that I know that went all the way down to the last minute was the New York trade.

Q: Paul told me he vetoed a trade, but it wasnt the New York trade.

A: It was going all the way to the wire, until last minute, and when Portland kept beating around the bush, beating around the bush, New York was like, We gotta make a move. Lets go get Steve Francis. Thats probably what they did.

Q: But you were hoping to get moved?

A: Yeah, I was hoping to get moved. No matter where it was I was hoping to get moved. I feel it's best. They actually, I actually overheard that Im influencing or I have a say-so in what Zach do and what everyone else do. Look, I don't influence nobody. I can't tell no grown man what to do. Anyway, that don't even sound right, me coming to somebody and say I want you to come to the game and leave, or I want you to be late for practice. Come on now. How does that sound? That don't even sound right coming out of anybody's mouth.

Q: I think what people are saying, is that you are such a well-liked guy on the team and carry respect on the team because of your talent, and when you do stuff like change into clothes at halftime, miss a shootaround, they are like

A: Look, let me say this. The whole season I haven't be late for nothing. I was late to a shootaround and I missed a shootaround. But I accept that. I overslept. I got up early, laid back down and watched tv, because there was an hour until the bus, and I fell asleep. It was an honest mistake. But what I did, I got there, me Steve Blake, Martell Webster, we got there two hours before the bus even left to go to the gym, just to show how much ... and then, you right, I was wrong. It was a misunderstanding. I was wrong for putting my suit on. Now I know like, if the coach ... only way you can put suit on is if the head coach says so. It was a misunderstanding, and I was wrong for that. But the reason, like Nate told me, these last two games he said you can put suit on or dress, but Im not going to play you tonight. But the Clipper game he didnt come to me like that.

Q: He says he did.

A: He didn't. If he did, I wouldn't even have got up in shootaround, I wouldn't even be out there shooting before the game. There would have been no need. I would have gone straight to the weight room, got my weights in and went back to the locker room. Before the Golden State game and before last night, said you can dress or be in a suit.

Q: But not before the Clipper game?

A: He said I want you to play for Laker game. But I came to him and said Nah, I feel good tonight, I want to play, I feel good. He was like, all right then, get in the drill. He didn't even want me to get in the drill and run up and down the court (at shootaround). So I got in the drill ran up and down the court, and then when we got to the gym, Im expecting to play, Im in the rotation, Im on the second unit, I expect to play. So I get to the gym, he didn't say nothing to me, he sees me going out and shooting, sees me coming in and sweating, and I ain't saying this to talk bad about Nate, because me and Nate didn't have no problems all year, and we still don't have problems now. It's a misunderstanding, now I admit I was wrong for doing that.

So we got into the game, and he subbed like five people in the first quarter. So I came to him at the end of the first, start of second quarter, and asked if I was going to play. I had hot pads on my knees, expecting to play. He's like, nah, I kinda want to save you for Lakers game, and I was nah, Im ready to play now, Im loose. He said all right, when you get out there you better play hard. So I said all right. So I went back to the bench, tied my shoes tight, lifted my knee brace up expecting to get in. And I didn't get in. Its a mistake I made, I know now you cant get dressed without the head coach's permission.

Q: So did you wait until everyone left to start getting dressed?

A: Nah, I had my jersey off during the halftime speech. Like I said it was a mistake, everybody makes mistake. Me missing one shootaround and me doing the jersey thing, if that's the reason that we lost 61 games, if them two reasons, and I influenced everyone else to do bad things, like I'm the Grinch or something, then hey, probably better for me to get a new beginning and better off for them to go their own way.

Like, I wish the best for them, if I get traded, I wish the best for them, I hope they do great, because the fans deserve way more, instead of trying to take every season where there's a fallback man.

The reason I signed a contract, I thought I was finally getting on a playoff team. I was telling some of my teammates: 21 wins, man that's bad. I played on a team that won 17 out of 82 and that was the most fun I had in a long time. It was fun, especially during March and April, because the couple of teams we played that was in the playoff race? Oh, it was on. It was on. But these games here, no, the season was all about negative energy.

Q: Darius, going back to the Clipper game, when you asked to go in, and Nate says, Okay, but I want you to play hard Ive seen you play enough games, and I think I know when you are trying and when you are not. And I think I have seen games when you are not trying hard.

A: Nah, its like some games it's like, some games he gets me into the game and some games he wants me to just flow into the game. Some games if Im not just flowing into the game, and I cant flow into the game, then he wont get me into the game.

Q: What, like calling plays for you?

A: The reason I don't want to get into that subject is I don't want people to think Im all about offense. If you realize my career, Im not as much of an offensive player as everybody thinks, I can play it. But I don't want everybody to think Im out there all mad because Im not getting the shots.

Q: Okay, well remember when you had

A: 26 against Milwaukee

Q: yeah, and then you took four shots the next game, and so I asked Nate why you took only four shots, and he said there are only two guys who cant complain about shots on this team, and they are you and Zach Randolph, because almost every play is run through them.

A: I got that game on DVD, I can give to you and let watch the game, and you tell me what you see out there. And I play the game the right way, at least I try to. I'm not a selfish player, I don't try to take dumb shots, I dont try to take stupid shots. If I get double teamed in the post I try to pass the ball out, I try to play the game 100 percent the right way. Thats how I was taught to play, I don't know how to be selfish. So for me, if it was me trying to get good looks, that's why got four shots, then you can say that. Say that. But if you get me the ball, and I get double teammed, that means somebody else is open and I got to find a way to get them the ball. So I don't see as no reason.

Q: I just think it was easy for me to tell, and its always has been easy to tell, when you are into the game and when you are not. I have seen you dominate the season opener, last year scoring 47 - but I have seen games where it seems like you dont give a (rip). I think thats what a lot of people have a problem with.

A: Its just because I don't smile. I don't celebrate. It's because when you are in a place where you really don't want to be, it's all about getting your job done. Even the games when I had big games, you didn't see me celebrate, you didn't see me smile. One thing I can say, the first game of the season, I had 32 points. That game I was the most hyped, the most energetic I was the whole season, and it was because when I talked to Nate, Nate was like, Just take it for what it is. See what its going to be like, and you will feel it when you don't want to be here no more. And Nate, what did he tell me? He gave me an example. Its just like, if you love your wife, and you got another girl on the side, you cant like, if you love the girl on the side, and you love your wife, you cant give (love) to both. My heart is like halfway here, and halfway not. It's really here for the fans and coaching staff and the team - we have great players on our team - but can you name a team that can win with a 12 man rotation? My whole focus is about winning. There is no reason we are supposed to be losing.

We just like like, nothing against Martell - Martell is a great player, I love Martell's game, I think he is going to be probably the next Ray Allen if not better. But, come on now, we passed up on Chris Paul. We passed up on Al Jefferson, nothing against Sebastian, but we passed up on Al Jefferson. They young. Know what Im saying? So, I don't know. I don't know what direction they are trying to go. I just think its for the best. Its just kind of for the best.

Q: Can you really come back next season now, with what they have said, with what you have said? Is there any way you can come back and play on this team?

A: Yeah. Because if anything, if all fails, I always got to prove something to me, that I'm an elite player. I gotta prove something to me. I gotta finally get me a full season of being healthy, and doing what I do. I gotta get a full season of giving it all, full season of just everything, the best of my ability. It can happen, thats what I plan on doing, regardless of if Im with the Trail Blazers or not.

Q: I think too much damage has been done.

A: Straight up.

But like I explained to coach Nate at the beginning of the season, there was never nothing to talk about. There was never nothing to talk about. Like the thing now, everything is just turned into everything, everything be turned in a total 360. Like the thing with Cheeks. How can me and Cheeks laugh and joke everyday but everyone think we are so much into it? It was getting so bad on me with me and Cheeks, and he came out himself and said it wasn't all his fault. The thing about it was, everybody jumped on me like, oh Im the bad guy. The thing I was wrong about the whole Cheeks situation - it started when John Nash and Cheeks came to my agents house and we sat down and talked. He told me, You and Zach are going to be the franchise players, but we are going to start Shareef. I said, Start him? What you mean start him? Oh well, we going to start at three. Shareef said he didn't want to start at three. Period. Everybody in the league, they know what he can do on a team, he will give you 20 and 10 every night. But he said he was going to start him, and then he on team rest of season. But there wasnt any bad blood between me and Shareef. So then, okay, then you have to either play Ruben, or have a problem with Ruben, so me and Ruben have to share minutes off the bench. Then, my agent told Cheeks from get go, Man, you all going to have a messed up season. If just keep what doing, you were ninth the year before, you might make playoffs. My agent said You all gonna have a losing season and Cheeks you gonna get fired. Cheeks knew he was going to be fired. Cheeks was so frustrated with folks upstairs, and I was frustrated with the folks upstairs too, but Cheeks started bring it down on all the players. But everyone loved Cheeks and we still love Cheeks to this day. We knew what type of person Cheeks was and what he was going through. But he got into it with D.A. Got into it with Damon, everybody. But I made the mistake of when he got into it with me, of responding back. That's where I made the mistake. It wasnt like he said something to me and I responded back. I let him talk, for a good 10 or 15 minutes. Just him bashing, bashing, bashing, and it got to a point where I responded back. When all said and done, everybody made it like I'm such this bad person, we're beefing, but me and Cheeks laughing and joking every practice. He could see it was weighing on me, the pressure was so much on my shoulders, that he had to come out himself, I didn't ask him to say that. He said it wasn't all my fault.

And now, since me putting on clothes, me and Nate didnt have to talk about it, because we knew it was. We didn't have to talk about it. But I'm on tv, every sports channel around the world, that Im into it with my second coach. And we aint arguing. Im past the arguing. Why would I argue with Nate? For what? If anything I sit there and listen and if he asks me my opinion I give him a straight answer. The thing is, this year, I was so experienced with last year of going back and forth in the media, Im not going to go back and forth in the papers with somebody who I see everyday or walk past me everyday. I kept my mouth shut the whole year, I didn't say nothing but good things. The right things. That's why doing this now. I didn't want anything to be a distraction. If anything, if I wanted to be a distraction, I would have been saying a lot of stuff in the papers.

Q: I still think there is something bothering you inside?

A: About what?

Q: I dont know.

A: Aint nothing bothering me. Except I dont want to be here.

Q: Are you really happy? Happy period?

A: Im ecstatic. Id be ecstatic if I get in another situation, shht. You talking about life wise? Happy. Happy aint even the word, I cant even explain it. My family is in the best situation. My mom is living right. My wife, everything.

Q: Back to the part where you are viewed as this bad influence. There have been two incidents, where one, you are said to have been at practice smelling of alcohol. Two, you rejoin the team in February, go on road trip, and take a bunch of players out to a club before the Indiana game.

A: That's what Im saying, Im the fallback guy. Just because Im not playing, Im the one taking guys out. Why cant somebody call my room and say want to go get a drink or something? But Im the one.

And with alcohol, I can go out with my wife to Ruth Chris the night before. If I sit down, have a bunch of glasses of wine, and I might be a little tipsy and she drives me home, everything be cool. Next day in practice, if you sweat, its going to come out of your pores, regardless. We got a lot of players on our team, which Im not going to name, because this is my situation, but if you ask any coach around the league how many times they have smelled liquor on a player? As long as that player is showing up on time, doing the drills, and he running, that's just a part of it. But Im not the person who is going to put peoples name out there. But yeah, there have been times.

Q: But yeah, what?

A: Yeah, you probably smelled liquor on me before. But its not like Im at practice drunk. Im totally focused. I don't care if you come to practice and take shower, once you go to practice and start sweating, its going to come out. That doesn't mean you arent focused or ready to practice. Like you might go out, you might get drunk, and come to the gym higher than a mother, and you sweating, you smell like liquor, and you interviewing everybody. What does that mean? You still 100 percent focused. That's just ridiculous. Ask any other team, little petty stuff like that, if you ask any other coach in the NBA if they smell liquor on a player, any coach would say, every year. Some players go out in every city they go to.

Q: Do you?

A: No.

But thats the crazy part about it. Why is it me taking everybody out?

Q: I think the thing is that before that, the team had been playing so well (winners of seven of 12) and there wasnt any distractions, no going out, and you rejoin the team and players are out until 3 a.m.

A: I cant get into that. Thats just like dry snitching. Thats stupid.

Q: I dont know, I just think you have so much more to offer on the court.

A: I do. I do.

Q: Why arent the Blazers getting that?

A: They do get it. Look at this, I wasn't even supposed to come back. If the schedule shows when I was supposed to come back, I was still probably going to have to add two maybe three weeks to that. Theo got hurt in Toronto, and (Nate) asked me to come back, without doctors okaying it, so we had to call the dcotors. My agent was like, No don't do it. But me, wanting to give the team a spark, we just lost three games by 30, so I came back to play. I came back and played. He asked me to play. He knew I wasnt ready.

Q: You wanted to come back and play.

A: Yeah, I wanted to, when you see your team losing by 30 every game, that's call the love of the game. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have even come back until I felt I was 159 percent. This was knee Im talking about, not like no elbow or finger injury. I wouldnt have come back period, I would have just waited.

Q: Did you hurt the knee further, or were you just not 100 percent?

A: I just wasnt 100 percent. I think this summer, once I get some rest and good rehab in I will be 100 percent. But this year, it was never right. Some games felt loose, some felt like stiff, I couldn't move. Some games I could go at people, some games I couldn't.

Q: Okay, so the reason you dont want to be here is?

A: Im just unhappy. Its always that fallback guy, there was one before I got here, and if I leave, it will be someone after me. Look at these guys, every guy they talked so bad about, and supposed to be these bad persons, all the position those guys in are perfect now, and all the teams they go to, they love them now and they dont know what you guys are talking about.

I was loved by everybody. When I first got here, the half season I played, I was in every commercial, Im marketed like so crazy. Why once I get a contract its like a whole another story and Im this bad person.

Q: But the contract is part of it. Once you get that big contract, more expectations are put on you.

A: But look, you all put more expectations on me when I gotta share minutes with another player off have to come off the bench. I cant produce.

Q: But this year you had it.

A: But I got hurt. I missed 34 games. And before I got hurt?

Q: You averaged 18.2 points.

A: All right. So, everything it just dont add up. Every team I was on, and you ask every coach Ive had, and Ive had like seven coaches in my career, aint none of them have any problems. Havent heard nothing about me, no negative energy from the Clippers to Cleveland, and the half season (here).

Look at this season: Im your franchise player, what is a Darius Miles bobble head like? Didnt have one. And every time they had those little things with players talking on big screen, you aint never see me saying nothing on that do you?

Q: Why?

A: Your guess is as good as mine.

Q: Does that bug you?

A: Its like you are telling me Im this franchise player, but hey once I noticed it, and I was like dang, I dont have no bobble head? They tried to get me one at the last minute, and I was like, No, Im fine.

But I don't want to sound like Im whining. But this is what you all are telling me. You mean to tell me, if they have a Steve Nash, a Raja Bell, Amare Stoudemire, and a Boris Diaw bobblehead, they wouldn't have a Shawn Marion? But I don't want this whole interview to sound like Im whining.

Its just frustrating situation. And they are so scared of the media, where I feel they have sold their soul to the devil. Thats how scared they are. Before they mess with media, like if the media is a god, and before I mess with god, I sell my soul to the devil. That's how scared they are of the media.

Q: What makes you say that?

A: They just is. They wont say nothing, they wont try to take the blame for nothing, take up for nothing. They have never made a mistake in their eyes. So its like I said from the get-go, if you want to blame on me, Ill take the blame, you blame everything else.

Q: I still think it all boils down to the question of whether you play hard every time.

A: Get me out of here. That's all I can say. Get me out of here, I want to leave, I really don't want to be here. Its just crazy ...

Q: But what is your response to that? People saying you dont play hard every night?

A: I have been playing hard. I didn't have that problem with Clippers, didn't have that problem in Cleveland. I didn't have that problem the first 15 games I played this season. Just because I got hurt, its all the sudden I don't play hard. Was this the problem last year?

Q: Yeah, I think you didnt play hard some last year.

A: I don't play hard because I play limited minutes? I get in there and I don't have time to really get into the game. When you come off bench it takes time to get in game. If you are not just an awesome shooter, you don't just come in and start taking shots. You try and get your easy layup in.

Q: What were you told about coming off the bench this season? We were told it had something to do with you Zach not playing as well together.

A: I don't see how your two franchise players cant be on the court at the same time. (Nate) said we don't want to go with you two on the floor together, that we cant get both of you all touches. Well, both were getting our touches early in the season. But if you really realize it that me and Zach were on the floor at same time anyways, I just didn't start.

Q: So what did you make of that?

A: To me that was me being like, okay, Im not going to get mad, get in an argument, Ill do what you say. Im not going to go that route, that was the last thing on my mind to go that route again, where somebody put a toll on me, put something on me like that. Shoot, happened anyway. Everyone blaming me like I've gotten into it with two coaches. Me and Nate still ain't gotten into it. There ain't nothing to get into.

Q: What about the last two games, you didnt play?

A: The reason I didn't come out in a suit the last two games, I wanted to show everyone I could sit on the bench, right next to the coaches, for a whole 48 minute game with no problems. That's one of the reasons I put my uniform on, why I sat right next to coaches, in the huddle. Thats the only reason I did that. (Nate) told me I could put my suit on, but I put my jersey on.

Q: You were healthy enough to play, though. What did you think when he didnt play you in the final two games?

A: I could only just go with it. There wasnt anything to really think about. If you don't want to play me, hey. I told him, after the trade deadline, I was like, I kind of want to, Im not 100 percent, I just want to shut it down, try to get my knee right, but he didn't want me to do that. He was like, I need you to play. So I played, and at no time did anyone say Well, we are trying to get what we can out of him, or Hes not 100 percent. The only person who did was Darius Miles. Not one person in the organization, no trainer, no coach, nobody. When I say Im ready to play and I want to play, and you dont play me, its different.

But Nate a good coach. If discipline is what everyone is saying we need, then hey, he is the best man for the job.

Q: Nate has never talked to you about your attitude, your effort?

A: Some games. But it really wasn't never, we didn't even like, basically, if he talked, I didn't say anything, I would say yes, go about my business, just listen. I didn't have anything to really even say.

Like I say, it might be best for both of us, for the team, and for me, to just go somewhere else.

Q: Do you think that will happen, honestly?

A: Im hoping.

Q: Anything else you would like to add?

A: I really want to stress, that I really do appreciate everything Paul Allen has done for me. Its like I have been on losing teams before, but this year and last year were like the worst I have felt about playing basketball.

Q: Why is that?

A: I guess just so much pressure. Just stupid stuff out here. Just stuff that don't even really, like everything is just everything just ridiculous. Blown totally out of proportion.

Q: By?

A: By the media, by the organization.

Q: Everytime you mention the media, I assume you are talking about me.

A: It's not just you. Like this year, I don't recall reading anything or anyone telling me anything crazy. Canzano, he just wild, but he funny to read. I think he is scared of me. When he sees me, if people are around he will speak, but if he is by himself, he be looking like Im going to do something to him.

Q: You think Im afraid of you?

A: I think we came to an understanding at the beginning of the year. That's why Ive never had no problem talking to you. I got more mature, and like I said, I kept my mouth shut the whole year. I took everything in, all the pounding, took all that in, all the everything in like from SportsCenter, PTI, all that - took all that in. But then, when somebody else doing something, its blamed on me because I influenced it. But like I said I'll take the blame, if you really want to blame me for playing 40 games and having 21 wins and 61 losses, you right, Im the captain and I have to accept that. But I aint trying to be in that position no more.

Q: How long was your meeting with Nate today?

A: About 20 minutes.

Q: He said he would ask players feedback on his style. What did you tell him?

A: Nah. He asked players to write down their starting lineup.

Q: Did you put yourself in the starting lineup?

A: I didn't sign it. I didn't fill it out. Like I told him, there wasn't really nothing for me to write down.

Q: What do you mean?

A: He's like guess who didn't write one, I knew it was me, because I wanted to wait until this meeting. You already know how I feel, that I don't want to be here, so for me to write down a starting lineup would be writing something just to write down and have it be b.s. I would rather sit here and tell you, face to face.

Q: So what did you do with the paper?

A: They were passed out and I didnt even take one.

Q: Would you put yourself in the starting lineup?

A: Who else would you start?

Q: You are the most talented small forward.

A: I didnt see why I didnt start or came off the bench most of the year. But thats a coachs decision, and Im not against that, Im never against a coachs decision. Im willing to do that, and I did. I rode the bike, had heat packs and was ready.

Q: What Nate upset you didnt fill out a lineup?

A: Well, he was kind of upset. He was like, thats the stuff I be talking about, petty stuff. So he felt it was petty. But its not like Im trying to make statement, Im just being truthful. If I beat around the bush and lie to you, then I wouldn't be true to myself. That's why I wanted to do this interview to really let everything out. Because I completely ignored all the question this season. They asked me if want to be here numerous times this season, and I was like Nah. But they didn't do anything about it. And hopefully I don't have to come back.

Q: But Darius, we sensed that you didn't want to be here

A: Well, Nate asked me three our four times this season, and John Nash knew from the get-go, but it's just ... we were hoping a trade was going to go through.

Q: Which trade did you think was going to go through?

A: It was the New York trade. The only trade that I know that went all the way down to the last minute was the New York trade.

Q: Paul told me he vetoed a trade, but it wasnt the New York trade.

A: It was going all the way to the wire, until last minute, and when Portland kept beating around the bush, beating around the bush, New York was like, We gotta make a move. Lets go get Steve Francis. Thats probably what they did.

Q: But you were hoping to get moved?

A: Yeah, I was hoping to get moved. No matter where it was I was hoping to get moved. I feel it's best. They actually, I actually overheard that Im influencing or I have a say-so in what Zach do and what everyone else do. Look, I don't influence nobody. I can't tell no grown man what to do. Anyway, that don't even sound right, me coming to somebody and say I want you to come to the game and leave, or I want you to be late for practice. Come on now. How does that sound? That don't even sound right coming out of anybody's mouth.

Q: I think what people are saying, is that you are such a well-liked guy on the team and carry respect on the team because of your talent, and when you do stuff like change into clothes at halftime, miss a shootaround, they are like

A: Look, let me say this. The whole season I haven't be late for nothing. I was late to a shootaround and I missed a shootaround. But I accept that. I overslept. I got up early, laid back down and watched tv, because there was an hour until the bus, and I fell asleep. It was an honest mistake. But what I did, I got there, me Steve Blake, Martell Webster, we got there two hours before the bus even left to go to the gym, just to show how much ... and then, you right, I was wrong. It was a misunderstanding. I was wrong for putting my suit on. Now I know like, if the coach ... only way you can put suit on is if the head coach says so. It was a misunderstanding, and I was wrong for that. But the reason, like Nate told me, these last two games he said you can put suit on or dress, but Im not going to play you tonight. But the Clipper game he didnt come to me like that.

Q: He says he did.

A: He didn't. If he did, I wouldn't even have got up in shootaround, I wouldn't even be out there shooting before the game. There would have been no need. I would have gone straight to the weight room, got my weights in and went back to the locker room. Before the Golden State game and before last night, said you can dress or be in a suit.

Q: But not before the Clipper game?

A: He said I want you to play for Laker game. But I came to him and said Nah, I feel good tonight, I want to play, I feel good. He was like, all right then, get in the drill. He didn't even want me to get in the drill and run up and down the court (at shootaround). So I got in the drill ran up and down the court, and then when we got to the gym, Im expecting to play, Im in the rotation, Im on the second unit, I expect to play. So I get to the gym, he didn't say nothing to me, he sees me going out and shooting, sees me coming in and sweating, and I ain't saying this to talk bad about Nate, because me and Nate didn't have no problems all year, and we still don't have problems now. It's a misunderstanding, now I admit I was wrong for doing that.

So we got into the game, and he subbed like five people in the first quarter. So I came to him at the end of the first, start of second quarter, and asked if I was going to play. I had hot pads on my knees, expecting to play. He's like, nah, I kinda want to save you for Lakers game, and I was nah, Im ready to play now, Im loose. He said all right, when you get out there you better play hard. So I said all right. So I went back to the bench, tied my shoes tight, lifted my knee brace up expecting to get in. And I didn't get in. Its a mistake I made, I know now you cant get dressed without the head coach's permission.

Q: So did you wait until everyone left to start getting dressed?

A: Nah, I had my jersey off during the halftime speech. Like I said it was a mistake, everybody makes mistake. Me missing one shootaround and me doing the jersey thing, if that's the reason that we lost 61 games, if them two reasons, and I influenced everyone else to do bad things, like I'm the Grinch or something, then hey, probably better for me to get a new beginning and better off for them to go their own way.

Like, I wish the best for them, if I get traded, I wish the best for them, I hope they do great, because the fans deserve way more, instead of trying to take every season where there's a fallback man.

The reason I signed a contract, I thought I was finally getting on a playoff team. I was telling some of my teammates: 21 wins, man that's bad. I played on a team that won 17 out of 82 and that was the most fun I had in a long time. It was fun, especially during March and April, because the couple of teams we played that was in the playoff race? Oh, it was on. It was on. But these games here, no, the season was all about negative energy.

Q: Darius, going back to the Clipper game, when you asked to go in, and Nate says, Okay, but I want you to play hard Ive seen you play enough games, and I think I know when you are trying and when you are not. And I think I have seen games when you are not trying hard.

A: Nah, its like some games it's like, some games he gets me into the game and some games he wants me to just flow into the game. Some games if Im not just flowing into the game, and I cant flow into the game, then he wont get me into the game.

Q: What, like calling plays for you?

A: The reason I don't want to get into that subject is I don't want people to think Im all about offense. If you realize my career, Im not as much of an offensive player as everybody thinks, I can play it. But I don't want everybody to think Im out there all mad because Im not getting the shots.

Q: Okay, well remember when you had

A: 26 against Milwaukee

Q: yeah, and then you took four shots the next game, and so I asked Nate why you took only four shots, and he said there are only two guys who cant complain about shots on this team, and they are you and Zach Randolph, because almost every play is run through them.

A: I got that game on DVD, I can give to you and let watch the game, and you tell me what you see out there. And I play the game the right way, at least I try to. I'm not a selfish player, I don't try to take dumb shots, I dont try to take stupid shots. If I get double teamed in the post I try to pass the ball out, I try to play the game 100 percent the right way. Thats how I was taught to play, I don't know how to be selfish. So for me, if it was me trying to get good looks, that's why got four shots, then you can say that. Say that. But if you get me the ball, and I get double teammed, that means somebody else is open and I got to find a way to get them the ball. So I don't see as no reason.

Q: I just think it was easy for me to tell, and its always has been easy to tell, when you are into the game and when you are not. I have seen you dominate the season opener, last year scoring 47 - but I have seen games where it seems like you dont give a (rip). I think thats what a lot of people have a problem with.

A: Its just because I don't smile. I don't celebrate. It's because when you are in a place where you really don't want to be, it's all about getting your job done. Even the games when I had big games, you didn't see me celebrate, you didn't see me smile. One thing I can say, the first game of the season, I had 32 points. That game I was the most hyped, the most energetic I was the whole season, and it was because when I talked to Nate, Nate was like, Just take it for what it is. See what its going to be like, and you will feel it when you don't want to be here no more. And Nate, what did he tell me? He gave me an example. Its just like, if you love your wife, and you got another girl on the side, you cant like, if you love the girl on the side, and you love your wife, you cant give (love) to both. My heart is like halfway here, and halfway not. It's really here for the fans and coaching staff and the team - we have great players on our team - but can you name a team that can win with a 12 man rotation? My whole focus is about winning. There is no reason we are supposed to be losing.

We just like like, nothing against Martell - Martell is a great player, I love Martell's game, I think he is going to be probably the next Ray Allen if not better. But, come on now, we passed up on Chris Paul. We passed up on Al Jefferson, nothing against Sebastian, but we passed up on Al Jefferson. They young. Know what Im saying? So, I don't know. I don't know what direction they are trying to go. I just think its for the best. Its just kind of for the best.

Q: Can you really come back next season now, with what they have said, with what you have said? Is there any way you can come back and play on this team?

A: Yeah. Because if anything, if all fails, I always got to prove something to me, that I'm an elite player. I gotta prove something to me. I gotta finally get me a full season of being healthy, and doing what I do. I gotta get a full season of giving it all, full season of just everything, the best of my ability. It can happen, thats what I plan on doing, regardless of if Im with the Trail Blazers or not.

Q: I think too much damage has been done.

A: Straight up.

But like I explained to coach Nate at the beginning of the season, there was never nothing to talk about. There was never nothing to talk about. Like the thing now, everything is just turned into everything, everything be turned in a total 360. Like the thing with Cheeks. How can me and Cheeks laugh and joke everyday but everyone think we are so much into it? It was getting so bad on me with me and Cheeks, and he came out himself and said it wasn't all his fault. The thing about it was, everybody jumped on me like, oh Im the bad guy. The thing I was wrong about the whole Cheeks situation - it started when John Nash and Cheeks came to my agents house and we sat down and talked. He told me, You and Zach are going to be the franchise players, but we are going to start Shareef. I said, Start him? What you mean start him? Oh well, we going to start at three. Shareef said he didn't want to start at three. Period. Everybody in the league, they know what he can do on a team, he will give you 20 and 10 every night. But he said he was going to start him, and then he on team rest of season. But there wasnt any bad blood between me and Shareef. So then, okay, then you have to either play Ruben, or have a problem with Ruben, so me and Ruben have to share minutes off the bench. Then, my agent told Cheeks from get go, Man, you all going to have a messed up season. If just keep what doing, you were ninth the year before, you might make playoffs. My agent said You all gonna have a losing season and Cheeks you gonna get fired. Cheeks knew he was going to be fired. Cheeks was so frustrated with folks upstairs, and I was frustrated with the folks upstairs too, but Cheeks started bring it down on all the players. But everyone loved Cheeks and we still love Cheeks to this day. We knew what type of person Cheeks was and what he was going through. But he got into it with D.A. Got into it with Damon, everybody. But I made the mistake of when he got into it with me, of responding back. That's where I made the mistake. It wasnt like he said something to me and I responded back. I let him talk, for a good 10 or 15 minutes. Just him bashing, bashing, bashing, and it got to a point where I responded back. When all said and done, everybody made it like I'm such this bad person, we're beefing, but me and Cheeks laughing and joking every practice. He could see it was weighing on me, the pressure was so much on my shoulders, that he had to come out himself, I didn't ask him to say that. He said it wasn't all my fault.

And now, since me putting on clothes, me and Nate didnt have to talk about it, because we knew it was. We didn't have to talk about it. But I'm on tv, every sports channel around the world, that Im into it with my second coach. And we aint arguing. Im past the arguing. Why would I argue with Nate? For what? If anything I sit there and listen and if he asks me my opinion I give him a straight answer. The thing is, this year, I was so experienced with last year of going back and forth in the media, Im not going to go back and forth in the papers with somebody who I see everyday or walk past me everyday. I kept my mouth shut the whole year, I didn't say nothing but good things. The right things. That's why doing this now. I didn't want anything to be a distraction. If anything, if I wanted to be a distraction, I would have been saying a lot of stuff in the papers.

Q: I still think there is something bothering you inside?

A: About what?

Q: I dont know.

A: Aint nothing bothering me. Except I dont want to be here.

Q: Are you really happy? Happy period?

A: Im ecstatic. Id be ecstatic if I get in another situation, shht. You talking about life wise? Happy. Happy aint even the word, I cant even explain it. My family is in the best situation. My mom is living right. My wife, everything.

Q: Back to the part where you are viewed as this bad influence. There have been two incidents, where one, you are said to have been at practice smelling of alcohol. Two, you rejoin the team in February, go on road trip, and take a bunch of players out to a club before the Indiana game.

A: That's what Im saying, Im the fallback guy. Just because Im not playing, Im the one taking guys out. Why cant somebody call my room and say want to go get a drink or something? But Im the one.

And with alcohol, I can go out with my wife to Ruth Chris the night before. If I sit down, have a bunch of glasses of wine, and I might be a little tipsy and she drives me home, everything be cool. Next day in practice, if you sweat, its going to come out of your pores, regardless. We got a lot of players on our team, which Im not going to name, because this is my situation, but if you ask any coach around the league how many times they have smelled liquor on a player? As long as that player is showing up on time, doing the drills, and he running, that's just a part of it. But Im not the person who is going to put peoples name out there. But yeah, there have been times.

Q: But yeah, what?

A: Yeah, you probably smelled liquor on me before. But its not like Im at practice drunk. Im totally focused. I don't care if you come to practice and take shower, once you go to practice and start sweating, its going to come out. That doesn't mean you arent focused or ready to practice. Like you might go out, you might get drunk, and come to the gym higher than a mother, and you sweating, you smell like liquor, and you interviewing everybody. What does that mean? You still 100 percent focused. That's just ridiculous. Ask any other team, little petty stuff like that, if you ask any other coach in the NBA if they smell liquor on a player, any coach would say, every year. Some players go out in every city they go to.

Q: Do you?

A: No.

But thats the crazy part about it. Why is it me taking everybody out?

Q: I think the thing is that before that, the team had been playing so well (winners of seven of 12) and there wasnt any distractions, no going out, and you rejoin the team and players are out until 3 a.m.

A: I cant get into that. Thats just like dry snitching. Thats stupid.

Q: I dont know, I just think you have so much more to offer on the court.

A: I do. I do.

Q: Why arent the Blazers getting that?

A: They do get it. Look at this, I wasn't even supposed to come back. If the schedule shows when I was supposed to come back, I was still probably going to have to add two maybe three weeks to that. Theo got hurt in Toronto, and (Nate) asked me to come back, without doctors okaying it, so we had to call the dcotors. My agent was like, No don't do it. But me, wanting to give the team a spark, we just lost three games by 30, so I came back to play. I came back and played. He asked me to play. He knew I wasnt ready.

Q: You wanted to come back and play.

A: Yeah, I wanted to, when you see your team losing by 30 every game, that's call the love of the game. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have even come back until I felt I was 159 percent. This was knee Im talking about, not like no elbow or finger injury. I wouldnt have come back period, I would have just waited.

Q: Did you hurt the knee further, or were you just not 100 percent?

A: I just wasnt 100 percent. I think this summer, once I get some rest and good rehab in I will be 100 percent. But this year, it was never right. Some games felt loose, some felt like stiff, I couldn't move. Some games I could go at people, some games I couldn't.

Q: Okay, so the reason you dont want to be here is?

A: Im just unhappy. Its always that fallback guy, there was one before I got here, and if I leave, it will be someone after me. Look at these guys, every guy they talked so bad about, and supposed to be these bad persons, all the position those guys in are perfect now, and all the teams they go to, they love them now and they dont know what you guys are talking about.

I was loved by everybody. When I first got here, the half season I played, I was in every commercial, Im marketed like so crazy. Why once I get a contract its like a whole another story and Im this bad person.

Q: But the contract is part of it. Once you get that big contract, more expectations are put on you.

A: But look, you all put more expectations on me when I gotta share minutes with another player off have to come off the bench. I cant produce.

Q: But this year you had it.

A: But I got hurt. I missed 34 games. And before I got hurt?

Q: You averaged 18.2 points.

A: All right. So, everything it just dont add up. Every team I was on, and you ask every coach Ive had, and Ive had like seven coaches in my career, aint none of them have any problems. Havent heard nothing about me, no negative energy from the Clippers to Cleveland, and the half season (here).

Look at this season: Im your franchise player, what is a Darius Miles bobble head like? Didnt have one. And every time they had those little things with players talking on big screen, you aint never see me saying nothing on that do you?

Q: Why?

A: Your guess is as good as mine.

Q: Does that bug you?

A: Its like you are telling me Im this franchise player, but hey once I noticed it, and I was like dang, I dont have no bobble head? They tried to get me one at the last minute, and I was like, No, Im fine.

But I don't want to sound like Im whining. But this is what you all are telling me. You mean to tell me, if they have a Steve Nash, a Raja Bell, Amare Stoudemire, and a Boris Diaw bobblehead, they wouldn't have a Shawn Marion? But I don't want this whole interview to sound like Im whining.

Its just frustrating situation. And they are so scared of the media, where I feel they have sold their soul to the devil. Thats how scared they are. Before they mess with media, like if the media is a god, and before I mess with god, I sell my soul to the devil. That's how scared they are of the media.

Q: What makes you say that?

A: They just is. They wont say nothing, they wont try to take the blame for nothing, take up for nothing. They have never made a mistake in their eyes. So its like I said from the get-go, if you want to blame on me, Ill take the blame, you blame everything else.

Q: I still think it all boils down to the question of whether you play hard every time.

A: Get me out of here. That's all I can say. Get me out of here, I want to leave, I really don't want to be here. Its just crazy ...

Q: But what is your response to that? People saying you dont play hard every night?

A: I have been playing hard. I didn't have that problem with Clippers, didn't have that problem in Cleveland. I didn't have that problem the first 15 games I played this season. Just because I got hurt, its all the sudden I don't play hard. Was this the problem last year?

Q: Yeah, I think you didnt play hard some last year.

A: I don't play hard because I play limited minutes? I get in there and I don't have time to really get into the game. When you come off bench it takes time to get in game. If you are not just an awesome shooter, you don't just come in and start taking shots. You try and get your easy layup in.

Q: What were you told about coming off the bench this season? We were told it had something to do with you Zach not playing as well together.

A: I don't see how your two franchise players cant be on the court at the same time. (Nate) said we don't want to go with you two on the floor together, that we cant get both of you all touches. Well, both were getting our touches early in the season. But if you really realize it that me and Zach were on the floor at same time anyways, I just didn't start.

Q: So what did you make of that?

A: To me that was me being like, okay, Im not going to get mad, get in an argument, Ill do what you say. Im not going to go that route, that was the last thing on my mind to go that route again, where somebody put a toll on me, put something on me like that. Shoot, happened anyway. Everyone blaming me like I've gotten into it with two coaches. Me and Nate still ain't gotten into it. There ain't nothing to get into.

Q: What about the last two games, you didnt play?

A: The reason I didn't come out in a suit the last two games, I wanted to show everyone I could sit on the bench, right next to the coaches, for a whole 48 minute game with no problems. That's one of the reasons I put my uniform on, why I sat right next to coaches, in the huddle. Thats the only reason I did that. (Nate) told me I could put my suit on, but I put my jersey on.

Q: You were healthy enough to play, though. What did you think when he didnt play you in the final two games?

A: I could only just go with it. There wasnt anything to really think about. If you don't want to play me, hey. I told him, after the trade deadline, I was like, I kind of want to, Im not 100 percent, I just want to shut it down, try to get my knee right, but he didn't want me to do that. He was like, I need you to play. So I played, and at no time did anyone say Well, we are trying to get what we can out of him, or Hes not 100 percent. The only person who did was Darius Miles. Not one person in the organization, no trainer, no coach, nobody. When I say Im ready to play and I want to play, and you dont play me, its different.

But Nate a good coach. If discipline is what everyone is saying we need, then hey, he is the best man for the job.

Q: Nate has never talked to you about your attitude, your effort?

A: Some games. But it really wasn't never, we didn't even like, basically, if he talked, I didn't say anything, I would say yes, go about my business, just listen. I didn't have anything to really even say.

Like I say, it might be best for both of us, for the team, and for me, to just go somewhere else.

Q: Do you think that will happen, honestly?

A: Im hoping.

Q: Anything else you would like to add?

A: I really want to stress, that I really do appreciate everything Paul Allen has done for me. Its like I have been on losing teams before, but this year and last year were like the worst I have felt about playing basketball.

Q: Why is that?

A: I guess just so much pressure. Just stupid stuff out here. Just stuff that don't even really, like everything is just everything just ridiculous. Blown totally out of proportion.

Q: By?

A: By the media, by the organization.

Q: Everytime you mention the media, I assume you are talking about me.

A: It's not just you. Like this year, I don't recall reading anything or anyone telling me anything crazy. Canzano, he just wild, but he funny to read. I think he is scared of me. When he sees me, if people are around he will speak, but if he is by himself, he be looking like Im going to do something to him.

Q: You think Im afraid of you?

A: I think we came to an understanding at the beginning of the year. That's why Ive never had no problem talking to you. I got more mature, and like I said, I kept my mouth shut the whole year. I took everything in, all the pounding, took all that in, all the everything in like from SportsCenter, PTI, all that - took all that in. But then, when somebody else doing something, its blamed on me because I influenced it. But like I said I'll take the blame, if you really want to blame me for playing 40 games and having 21 wins and 61 losses, you right, Im the captain and I have to accept that. But I aint trying to be in that position no more.

Q: How long was your meeting with Nate today?

A: About 20 minutes.

Q: He said he would ask players feedback on his style. What did you tell him?

A: Nah. He asked players to write down their starting lineup.

Q: Did you put yourself in the starting lineup?

A: I didn't sign it. I didn't fill it out. Like I told him, there wasn't really nothing for me to write down.

Q: What do you mean?

A: He's like guess who didn't write one, I knew it was me, because I wanted to wait until this meeting. You already know how I feel, that I don't want to be here, so for me to write down a starting lineup would be writing something just to write down and have it be b.s. I would rather sit here and tell you, face to face.

Q: So what did you do with the paper?

A: They were passed out and I didnt even take one.

Q: Would you put yourself in the starting lineup?

A: Who else would you start?

Q: You are the most talented small forward.

A: I didnt see why I didnt start or came off the bench most of the year. But thats a coachs decision, and Im not against that, Im never against a coachs decision. Im willing to do that, and I did. I rode the bike, had heat packs and was ready.

Q: What Nate upset you didnt fill out a lineup?

A: Well, he was kind of upset. He was like, thats the stuff I be talking about, petty stuff. So he felt it was petty. But its not like Im trying to make statement, Im just being truthful. If I beat around the bush and lie to you, then I wouldn't be true to myself. That's why I wanted to do this interview to really let everything out. Because I completely ignored all the question this season. They asked me if want to be here numerous times this season, and I was like Nah. But they didn't do anything about it. And hopefully I don't have to come back.