TOPIC: Marriage19102 Views

I was sitting last Thursday in front of the computer watching GYE's forums. Suddenly out of nowhere a general feeling of lust is taking over.like awakening a dormant devil.
not necessarily to do something now , but yes to sit on the brain on the thinking process. And it is like a seed . I may be lazy to do something bad now , now . But it shoots roots on my mind for the next time to awaken with more fury. In another time , before GYE, i would have thought , this is me , the lust , the desire this is who i am.
This time i was able to say to myself , i am feeling a symptom of my sickness. this is my sickness expressing itself it is not me. further more i was able to transcend . to detach myself from myself and look at me from outside . and start a thinking process saying to myself what is this lust coming to help you ? which void does it come to fill ? from which painful situation am i escaping to it ? when i was a kid i was almost never shown affection by family members , i was bullied by friends , i wasnt so socially "in" , etc . So by getting involved with lust am i solving any of the above ??
Of Course NOT !!! i am making everything much worse . Even my wife senses something very wrong with me . And so after thinking these kind of thoughts the Lust disappeared as it came . WOW !! Victory in the battleground .

Thank G-d Today i am 21 days clean . my problem is at the root , at then thought process. i have been able to guard my eyes for 21 straight days and i am talking just not look when i am in the street. i drive a car , i have to go shopping , i go out to a restaurant .guarding the eyes its still a battle . going to the street is like going to a war zone. It is good that the battle is at "enemy territory" , the street . not in my home or computer Chas ve shalom . but it is still is a bloody war. in my subconscious i am not convinced at all that looking is a terrible thing if not why is it such a struggle. i hope one day it will come naturally.

You mentioned in the past step 3 and 4 I believe.
How are you doin' the steps?
Are you simply white-knucklin' when you are on the street?
You say that lookin' ain't that bad.....perhaps for ordinary people...for me, however, it leads to seconds, thirds and eventually dessert.

As an aside, you know the feelin' when you eat a full meal, possibly with a kiddush beforehand, and you have no stomach or desire for dessert, and then, the scrumptious lookin' cake comes winkin' to the table with sugary cream curved all over its sides and all of a sudden you have a cravin' to dive right in. When you come up for a breath (50 minutes later, or two and a half hours later), how do ya' feel?

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."

Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

yes i said that step 3 is the foundation to let go and let G-d. I am starting now .during my lifetime many family members were not lovable then my wife came . pretty much the same. i have anger management issues which with step 3 i can manage better . definitely my wife is sensing the difference in me . i am working on being calm and smiling at all times.

besides the known addiction i share with the chevrah i am morbidly obese , which is another addiction . i dont know if take care of this one first then obesity or do both at the same time . they have probably the same root.

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."

Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.