Here’s why happy couples post less about their relationships on social media

Sep 26, 2016 |

Once upon a time, you’d solidify your adolescent relationship with a shout-out in an AIM profile. Now that we’re in the era of “Facebook official” and selfie statuses, it’s pretty clear that the comfort we take in being able to definitively label our relationships — something which can often feel so uncertain and be communicated poorly.

Now, it’s becoming increasingly common to frequently post about your relationship (and life). If it’s not online, you don’t have proof that it happened.

If you think of social media as the modern equivalent of a town square, the place where announcements are made and information is posted and communities are bonded over shared experiences, then it only makes sense that you’d be inclined to share the bits and pieces of your life that you perceive to be worthy of documenting. The point is to post the highlight reel. The concept is to share the parts of our lives that those who aren’t immediately close to us otherwise wouldn’t be able to see — and there is nothing wrong with this.

Yet social media has an added layer of nuance, as it is a supplement (if not a projection) of our identity, connectedness, and self-worth. We can piece together an image of ourselves, quantify how loved and seen we are by others, and ultimately begin to gauge and compare where we stand socially.

It should come as no surprise that we end up addicted to the thrill that all the clicks and pixels give us, as those things that social media represents — personhood, connection, inherent worth — are struggles that are very deeply embedded in the human condition.

If you want to know how someone wants the world to see them, look no further than the patterns in their social media feeds. This is never more true (or interesting, to be honest) than when it comes to their most intimate relationships. While it’s normal and even healthy to be proud and public about who you’re dating, there is at the same time a clear connection between how genuinely content you are with your relationship and how often you post about it.