Monday, March 7, 2016

5 Traits of Deep Friendships

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Introduction

God designed us to have deep relationships. God created us to have a deep relationship with Him--to know Him, to talk to God, to love and admire Him. However, God created us for more than just a human/God relationship. God created Adam and Eve so we could have deep relationships with other people too.

A
deep relationship is a profound, caring connection of mutual support,
cooperation, and trust. Deep relationships can be with family, friends,
someone we date, a spouse, or a co-worker. However we find them, our
souls yearn for deep relationships. The goal of this blog is to share five traits about strong,
faithful, meaningful friendships.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

9 Two people are better off than one,
for they can help each other succeed.10 If one person falls, the other can
reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.11 Likewise, two people lying close
together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone?12 A person standing alone can be
attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are
even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Types of Friends

As part of our discussion today, I want to share
5 traits of true friends.But before we
get to those traits, it will be important to discuss the different types of
friends we find.As I see it, there are
three different kinds of friends and it is vital to understand the
differences. F

riends will fall along a spectrum with these general categories.

First
off, some of your friends will be
companions.People who are
companions keep company with each other.Another word for this might be “acquaintance.”Now, a companion is a sort of friend, but not
at a deep level.You probably aren’t
deeply bonded with a companion; your friendship with a companion is often
unplanned.For instance, you may
associate with your companions because of a mutual interest—maybe you work or
go to school together, you might share a hobby, or maybe you have a mutual friend with whom you both hang out.Thus, you may spend time with a
companion—you may even enjoy each other’s company—but you didn’t deliberately
choose your companion, it just sort of happened.Companions are usually friendly to each
other, but they aren’t necessarily deeply committed to each other.Companions may grow to become your best
friend, but at this stage it is only a very casual relationship.And that’s vital to remember, because
trusting a companion like a close friend can get you into real trouble.

Another type of friendship is a mentor/mentee
relationship.A mentor is someone who teaches or gives advice to someone less
experienced.A mentee is someone who is being
mentored.Mentors usually have their
mentees best interest in mind and give freely to encourage or improve their
mentee.Charlie Green was my pastor when I took my first job as a minister. Charlie saw potential in me and took me under his wing to teach me how to be a good pastor. Now, I didn't have a lot to offer Charlie, but he sacrificially helped me become a better minister. He was a mentor to me and I have always appreciated him for it. Now, over the years, our friendship has grown deeper than just that of a mentor and mentee. It is more of a mutual relationship now.It’s important to
note that mentor/mentee relationships aren’t an equal or mutual
friendship.Knowledge, expertise, or
advice is being exchanged.It’s somewhat
like a business or consumer relationship.It’s important for the mentee to remember this and give their mentor
some space and/or be grateful and respectful.

Another type of friend is what I call a true
friend.A true friend is a much deeper
relationship than what you have with a companion.And unlike a mentor/mentee relationship, a
true friendship is mutual—with both people contributing equally to the
friendship.A true friend is a real
blessing.They are someone you can trust
in thick and thin because they have been with you in thick and thin.Listen to what the Bible says about
friends.Proverbs 17:17 – "A friend loves at all
times…"Proverbs
18:24 – "...there is a friend who
sticks closer than a brother."John 15:13 – "Greater love has no one than this, that
he lay down his life for his friends."

Let me give you five traits of a true friend.These five traits will help you recognize a
true friend and also teach you how to be a true friend to others.I hope you will also notice that Jesus
demonstrated all five of these traits.So ultimately, if you want to see what a true friend is—look at Jesus
Christ.If you want to be a true friend,
seek to treat people like Jesus treats you.

Five Traits of True Friends

Number one – sacrifice.True friends sacrifice for each other.Jesus was the ultimate example of a true
friend—he laid down his life for us.Not
all friends will sacrifice to that extent (though some might), but a true
friend will sacrifice.A true friend
will give up his time for you, will sacrifice his comfort for you, will go to
great lengths for you.And the deeper
the friendship, the farther friends will go to sacrifice for each other.

My best friend is Eddie Bradford.We have been friends for 21 years.Eddie is the kind of friend I can call at
3:00 AM if I have a real problem (and yes, I have called him at 3:00 AM before).The same goes for Eddie.He has called me at times when there was no
one else he could talk to.Eddie and I would do
almost anything for each other.That’s a
true friend.

Number
two – unconditional love.Christ died for us while
we were still sinners.He didn’t die for
us because we deserved it.He did it
because we didn’t deserve it, but needed it.That’s true friendship.A true
friend loves us unconditionally.They
are our friend—not because we deserve it—but purely as a gift of love.This is a deep level of friendship.That is why a true friend will often stick
with you when times are terrible—when you are at your lowest point and have
nothing useful to offer.That kind of
friendship can make all the difference in the world.Wouldn’t you like to have that kind of
friend?Maybe you should seek to be that
kind of friend to someone else.

Number
three – trust.A true friend is someone
you can trust.They won’t go around town
telling everyone what you said when you told them something
confidentially.You know a true friend
always has your best interest in mind.You can count on them.They will
be there for you when you need it.

People often get into trouble with their
“friends” when they misunderstand how trust and friendship work.Proverbs 18:24 says,“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks
closer than a brother.”Remember,
companions are not true friends.They
are just casual acquaintances.But when
you trust an acquaintance like a true friend, you can get in real trouble.Trust must be earned.Have your friends earned your trust or are
they more like companions?Furthermore,
what kind of friend have you been?Are
you trust worthy or are you acting more like a mere companion?

Number four
– healthy boundaries.True friends develop
healthy personal boundaries.In her blog
about Christian Friendship, Mary Fairchild writes:“If you feel smothered in a
friendship, something is wrong. Likewise, if you feel used or abused, something
is amiss. Recognizing what's best for someone and giving that person space are
signs of a healthy relationship.” Do your friendships have healthy
personal boundaries?

Number five – truth.True
friends tell the truth.Do you want to know
how my best friend and became friends?Eddie was the new youth pastor at East Cobb UMC in Marietta.I was a volunteer working with the youth
group when he started.After a few
months on the job, Eddie called all the volunteers and asked our opinion about
how he was doing.I told Eddie what I
really liked about his teaching style (he really was doing a good job).However, I also told Eddie a few things he
wasn’t doing well.Now, some people
would have gotten upset, but Eddie recognized I wasn’t trying to complain or be
mean.I genuinely wanted to help him do
his very best.Eddie told me a few years later—after
we’d become good friends—how much he appreciated my honesty that day on the phone.Not only had it helped him be a better youth
minister, it revealed to him that I would be honest with him—and that’s the
kind of friend he wanted.

Proverbs 27:6 shares God’s great wisdom about
this when it says, “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses
from an enemy.”A true friend will be
honest with you.Are you being honest
with your friends?Now, to be sure, you
have to have some tact.You don’t always
want to be complaining to your friends about their every flaw.Think about it. If you have a booger hanging from your
nose, would you rather your friend tell you or just let you walk around all day
like that? What if it was something more important than a booger? You'd want your friend to be honest with you even if it was hard or embarrassing or upsetting.

The Truest Friend

The truest friend you will ever
have is Jesus Christ.John 15:13 – “There
is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” And John 15:15 says, "Now you are my
friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me."

It’s amazing that Jesus calls us his
friends.He has already done everything
to earn your trust.He always has your
best interest in mind.He loves you
unconditionally.He tells you the truth
even when it’s hard.But he won’t force
you to be his friend.You have to
decide.

Until you let
Jesus be your friend, all your other friendships and relationships will struggle.But when you get your heart right with Jesus,
everything else will start to fall into place—your family, your friends, your
romantic life... everything.Why don’t
you turn to Jesus today—let him be your True Friend, your Lord, and your
Savior?

Hi! I am a husband to an amazing woman, a father of three awesome kids, and a pastor of a loving church. My goal in life is to glorify God as I draw people closer to Christ with every breath and step I take.

About Me

Hi! I am a husband to an amazing woman, a father of three awesome kids, and a pastor of a loving church. My goal in life is to glorify God as I draw people closer to Christ with every breath and step I take.