Today, I rode home alone on a train. I accidentally missed my stop, but wasn't worried about it. My mom did not share my optimism and actually called the train company, saying that I was "lost" and "special". They thought she meant I was retarded. They wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. FML

Alright guys, here's the tiresomely humiliating situation: I was attempting to slowly, sensuously eat my own muffin, and now through the awesome power of my own stupidity, I look like a god-damn freakish inverted version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. How, you ask? Well, when I say muffin, I'm afraid I don't mean my blueberry muffin. No guys, I mean my fuckin' chocolate chip muffin. I wasn't as limber as I'd so arrogantly believed, and now I need eyes in the back of my head just to see what's in front of me.
Any thoughts on how to rectify this situation before the Reverend arrives and all hell breaks loose? Wee-woo.

Damn it! Doc, we have another one. Ok, this is how you fix it, first, Doc has to surgically remove your head from your ass. I don't know the full details of how he does it but you'd better hope that your insurance pays well or it is going to be excruciatingly painful. Next, you have to pay tithing to Sirin and it has to be paid in your blood and pain, no Doc's surgery doesn't count. Then after the reverend arrives, the two of you pray to the FML gods and goddesses for forgiveness and repent of your sin of saying "First".

Oh that's what you always say to these first post weirdos. The stick would probably go right through her back and cause the dumb bitch to bleed out. Not that I'd shed any tears listening to her dying death rattles, but come on! Woman's managed to weave her head over her shoulders, around her body several times, and straight up her ass. Even members of Screamers Anonymous deserve some measure of pity.

Well now, Docs pretty good, but the Rectocranial inversion is sometimes irreversible and the head might not be removable. He might have to perform an emergency optirectomy, Which is where he'll cut that little cord that goes from your eyeball to to your asshole and hopefully improve your shitty outlook on life.
Best Wishes & Good luck with the deductible on this one. Woof !!!

This is what I get for skipping the comments on this one for a whole day. I'm still amazed there are people who think they're limber enough for auto-cunilingus. When will people learn?
Jenncatherine, call my office STAT. The number is 1-800-SAY-FIRST.