10 myths about sexual assault

Council Bluffs native Caleb Byers was sexually assaulted about five years ago. He consented to tell his story and make his name public in an effort to break the stigmas he says exist against male victims of sexual violence.

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Caleb Byers of Council Bluffs, a student at the University of Nebraska-Omaha, was sexually assaulted by a friend when he was younger. Byers suffered emotional scars from the event, and is still recovering.(Photo: Bryon Houlgrave/The Register)Buy Photo

Council Bluffs native Caleb Byers says he was sexually assaulted about five years ago. The shame, guilt and shock Byers felt because of what happened to him was compounded by his being a male, he said.

“To experience sexual violence as a male you are faced with a very, very hostile environment, one that does not promote speaking out," he said. "‘Oh, you were sexually assaulted? You are a male? Well, you are less of a man.’ That’s the social message that we get.”

But confusion and misunderstandings around sexual assault exist in both genders, experts said. Here are a few rebuttals from advocates, experts, research and survivors to some commonly held false conceptions about sexual assault.

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Caleb Byers of Council Bluffs, a student at the University of Nebraska-Omaha, was sexually assaulted by a friend when he was younger. Byers suffered emotional scars from the event, and is still recovering.(Photo: Bryon Houlgrave/The Register)

1. Lots of people lie when they say they have been sexually assaulted.

While "false reports" of sexual assault can be defined differently depending on the state or the department in question, in general, a false report is generated when a victim knowingly lies about being assaulted to a law enforcement official. Around 2 to 8 percent of all sexual assault reports are false reports, according to National Center for the Prosecution of Violence Against Women.

“Even if the percentage of false reports are as much as 10 percent, that still means 90 percent of people stepping forward to say, ‘I was assaulted,’ are not falsely reporting,” said David Lisak, a New Mexico-based forensic consultant specializing in sexual abuse. “So, no matter what number is false, we need to remember the vast majority of these reports are true.”

2. There is no reason for a victim to not report an assault.

“Reporting or not reporting is up to the individual,” said Beth Barnhill, executive director of the Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault. “They are often gauging all kinds of things in their lives, for example, do they live with this person and depend on them for housing? Are they moving to school and will have to see this person? You may not know all the various things going on in someone’s life and how each choice affects another."

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Caleb Byers of Council Bluffs, a student at the University of Nebraska-Omaha, was sexually assaulted by a friend when he was younger. Byers suffered emotional scars from the event, and is still recovering.(Photo: Bryon Houlgrave/The Register)

3. A victim has to say 'no' for it to be assault.

“The absence of ‘no’ does not equal consent,” said Jesse Pierce, a training specialist with Iowa’s sexual assault coalition. “There are many reasons why people may not feel comfortable saying ‘stop’ or ‘no’ … They may know this person and there is typically a power imbalance in that case. It can be hard to say no to a big brother. It can be hard to say no to dad or to someone in a position of authority.”

4. A victim should be able to fight back.

In neuroscience circles, a new word has been added to the Fight or Flight paradigm many learned in school: Freeze.

“Your body can completely freeze,” said Brigette Maas, a therapist in Council Bluffs, “and when we are talking about sexual assault, that is really important because a lot of survivors come in and feel just really ashamed that they didn’t fight or they didn’t run or they couldn’t even speak. That is simply because their brain took over in survival mode.”

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Caleb Byers of Council Bluffs talks with licensed therapist Brigette Maas during a counseling session recently. Byers, a student at the University of Nebraska-Omaha, was sexually assaulted by a friend when he was younger. Byers suffered emotional scars from the event, and is still recovering.(Photo: Bryon Houlgrave/The Register)

5. If an assault occurred, a victim would immediately cut off all contact with the aggressor.

It’s “really common for people that have gone through this to re-enact or to go back (to their assaulter) and figure out, ‘Wait, maybe I misunderstood. Maybe, you know, it wasn’t that,’” Maas said.

6. Sexual violence is committed by strangers.

“Sexual violence may occur in any type of relationship, but most perpetrators of sexual assault are known to their victims,” according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics. About “6 in 10 rape or sexual assault victims said that they were assaulted by an intimate partner, relative, friend or acquaintance.”

7. If an assault occurred, a victim would be able to remember what happened.

“As we think about and talk about other kinds of trauma, we allow people to have various responses,” Barnhill said. “Think about a car accident. How you remember the incident could be very different from how a friend or a family member remembers the incident. Someone may say, 'I don’t remember anything at all, I went blank.' Some people will remember every single detail. Some people will have flashes and remember things out of order. We can’t forget that trauma is individualized and it must be treated as such.”

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Sexual assault victim Caleb Byers talks about his recovery from a sexual assault in 2012.

8. Sexual arousal means nothing happened.

“Quite simply, our bodies respond to sex ... They do so uniquely and often entirely without our permission or intention,” Morber wrote. “Orgasm during rape isn't an example of an expression of pleasure. It's an example of a physical response whether the mind's on board or not, like breathing, sweating, or an adrenaline rush."

9. Sexual assault wouldn’t affect your entire life.

“Men who have been sexually assaulted have a high incidence of alcohol and drug use,” according research from the National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. “For example, the probability for alcohol problems in adulthood is about 80 out of every 100 (or 80 percent) for men who have experienced sexual abuse, as compared to 11 out of every 100 (or 11 percent) for men who have never been sexually abused.”

Women who experience sexual assault also suffer long-term consequences, including substance abuse, according to the national PTSD center.

"Compared to non-victims, (female) rape survivors were 3.4 times more likely to use marijuana, 6 times more likely to use cocaine, and 10 times more likely to use other major drugs," a post on the PTSD center website reads.

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Caleb Byers of Council Bluffs was sexually assaulted in 2012. He feels the stats behind the percentages of male sexual assault are far underreported.

10. Men can’t be assaulted.

“Absolutely false,” Byers said. “It happened to me and I know it happens to others. People just don’t report it because it’s shameful and stigmatizing.”

Byers shared his story with the Register in an effort to break the stigmas he says exist against male victims of sexual violence. By telling his story, he hopes others feel safe to tell theirs, too.

Caleb Byers of Council Bluffs observes a diagram he made using toys and a sandbox during a counseling session recently. Byers, a student at the University of Nebraska-Omaha, was sexually assaulted by a friend when he was younger. Byers suffered emotional scars from the event, and is still recovering.(Photo: Bryon Houlgrave/The Register)