Confabulations are an important part of life.
They serve to heal emotional wounds or to prevent ones from being inflicted in
the first place. They prop-up the confabulator's self-esteem, regulate his (or
her) sense of self-worth, and buttress his (or her) self-image. They serve as
organizing principles in social interactions.

But the distinction between reality and
fantasy is rarely completely lost. Deep inside, the healthy confabulator knows
where facts end and wishful thinking takes over. Father acknowledges he was no
war hero, though he did his share of fighting. Mother understands she was no
ravishing beauty, though she may have been attractive. The confabulator
realizes that his recounted exploits are overblown, his brilliance exaggerated,
and his sexual irresistibility a myth.

Such distinctions never rise to the surface
because everyone - the confabulator and his audience alike - have a common
interest to maintain the confabulation. To challenge the integrity of the confabulator
or the veracity of his confabulations is to threaten the very fabric of family
and society. Human intercourse is built around such entertaining deviations
from the truth.

This is where the narcissist differs from
others (from "normal" people): his very self is a piece of fiction
concocted to fend off hurt and to nurture the narcissist's grandiosity. He
fails in his "reality test" - the ability to distinguish the actual
from the imagined. The narcissist fervently believes in his own infallibility,
brilliance, omnipotence, heroism, and perfection. He doesn't dare confront the
truth and admit it even to himself.

(continued below)

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Moreover, he imposes his personal mythology
on his nearest and dearest. Spouse, children, colleagues, friends, neighbors -
sometimes even perfect strangers - must abide by the narcissist's narrative or
face his wrath. The narcissist countenances no disagreement, alternative points
of view, or criticism. To him, confabulation IS reality.

The coherence of the narcissist's
dysfunctional and precariously-balanced personality depends on the plausibility
of his stories and on their acceptance by his Sources of Narcissistic Supply.
The narcissist invests an inordinate time in substantiating his tales,
collecting "evidence", defending his version of events, and in
re-interpreting reality to fit his scenario. As a result, most narcissists are
self-delusional, obstinate, opinionated, and argumentative.

The narcissist's lies are not
goal-orientated. This is what makes his constant dishonesty both disconcerting
and incomprehensible. The narcissist lies at the drop of a hat, needlessly, and
almost ceaselessly. He lies in order to avoid the Grandiosity Gap: when the
abyss between fact and (narcissistic) fiction becomes too gaping to ignore. For
instance: he would plagiarize, pilfer, and purloin in order to appear original,
brilliant, a genius.

The narcissist lies in order to preserve
appearances, uphold fantasies, support the tall (and impossible) tales of his
False Self and extract Narcissistic Supply from unsuspecting sources, who are
not yet on to him. To the narcissist, confabulation is not merely a way of life
- but life itself.

We are all conditioned to let other indulge
in pet delusions and get away with white, not too egregious, lies. The
narcissist makes use of our socialization. We dare not confront or expose him,
despite the outlandishness of his claims, the improbability of his stories, the
implausibility of his alleged accomplishments and conquests. We simply turn the
other cheek, or meekly avert our eyes, often embarrassed.

Moreover, the narcissist makes clear, from
the very beginning, that it is his way or the highway. His aggression - even
violent streak - are close to the surface. He may be charming in a first
encounter - but even then there are telltale signs of pent-up
abuse. His interlocutors sense this impending threat and avoid conflict by
acquiescing with the narcissist's fairy tales. Thus he imposes his private
universe and virtual reality on his milieu - sometimes with disastrous
consequences.

Dissociative Gaps and Confabulation

Narcissists and psychopaths dissociate (erase
memories) a lot (are amnesiac) because their contact with the world and with
others is via a fictitious construct: the False Self. Narcissists never
experience reality directly but through a distorting lens darkly. They get rid
of any information that challenges their grandiose self-perception and the
narrative they had constructed to explicate, excuse, and legitimize their
antisocial, self-centred, and exploitative behaviors, choices, and
idiosyncrasies.

In an attempt to compensate for the yawning gaps in memory, narcissists and
psychopaths confabulate: they invent plausible "plug ins" and
scenarios of how things might, could, or should have plausibly occurred. To
outsiders, these fictional stopgaps appear as lies. But the narcissist
fervently believes in their reality: he may not actually remember what had
happened - but surely it could not have happened any other way!

These tenuous concocted fillers are subject to frequent revision as the
narcissist's inner world and external circumstances evolve. This is why
narcissists and psychopaths often contradict themselves. Tomorrow's
confabulation often negates yesterday's. The narcissist and psychopath do not
remember their previous tales because they are not invested with the emotions
and cognitions that are integral parts of real memories.

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