The Whiff Of Nostalgia's Always Strongest On Wednesdays

I'd have thanked you all there but apparently you have to register, and what kind of sucker registers to leave a comment on the Bicycling website?

Also, at least one person left what appears to be a legitimate comment, and because I'm not the kind of sucker who registers to leave Internet comments on other websites I'll address it on my own blog instead:

Erik the Ded Tue, 2014-02-04 20:43Sorry Snob, but most people cannot be trusted to build a complete bicycle effectively unless their living depends on it. I've made most of my living repairing damage done by home mechanics. The 3 times a year that a you may tune your own bikes can never build the same skill and knowledge that comes from completing a thousand or so repairs per year (while being held responsible for the results). A paid meticulous mechanic is better at their job than you are. Much like a recreational blogger who posts once a month doesn't quite measure up against the guy who posts daily, rote three books, and is published on Bicycling.com with some regularity . . . . . . That being said, it would be great if reviews were based on long-term useability of industry products. I really like to see bikes go out my front door with a minimum of proprietary parts. I have a bike in for a replacement BB that no longer exists, and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to tell my customer that he has to buy a whole new crank. And don't get me started on wheels . . . Let's just say that the wheels that came with your bike (regardless of the price) probably suck, and they really shouldn't.

I have nothing but respect for professional bicycle mechanics, but I respectfully disagree with the above. If you've committed to maintaining a "stable" (ugh, I hate that expression) of bicycles yourself and have been doing so for a number of years you most certainly can be trusted to build a complete bicycle. In fact, oftentimes you can do a better job than a professional mechanic for the simple reason that you can dedicate yourself wholly to that single bicycle for the time it takes you to build and repair it, whereas even the best professional mechanic has other things to do--which is in no way a criticism of professional mechanics. It's just the truth. If you have a persistent and difficult-to-diagnose creak and you keep going back to the shop, sooner or later even the greatest mechanic on earth is eventually going to tell you to fuck off and get a life, whereas you can build yourself a cabin in the woods and dedicate the rest of your life to eliminating the offensive sound if you so choose.

And as for a "recreational blogger" not being as good as a guy who posts daily and wrote three books, obviously that's ridiculous, because this blog was awesome back when I was a recreational blogger. Then I went "pro," and I don't have to tell you that this blog has been sucking for years.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't be afraid to work on your own bikes, because the best way to learn is by screwing up.

While I'm on the subject of learning and character-building and stuff, a 15 year-old kid has asked me to share his Kickstarter with you, and here it is:

Fourteen thousand dollars to ride his bike from Portland to New York? This kid's got chutzpah.

Anyway, I was compelled to share this because I'm a parent, and I could very easily be the parent of a 15 year-old if only I hadn't frittered away my 20s and most of my 30s due to being emotionally and professionally retarded. So naturally I ask myself, "What would I do if my 15 year-old kid wanted to ride his bike across the country?"

One one hand, I'd be tempted to shut him down. "You want 14 grand to fly to Portland and ride home? Screw that. Here's 20 bucks, see if you can make it to Nyack."

On the other hand, I think about what I was doing around that age, and basically I was a total loser:

(Your humble blogger at 14 years of age, most of his potential already squandered.)

Hey, I realize what I'm doing in this photo is now taboo, and my only excuse is that we didn't know any better at the time. (I'm of course referring to wearing a Swatch, which is the timepiece adorning my left wrist. I make no apologies for either the smoking, or for the mullet with blond highlights. See, the smoking made me look mature, and the mullet with the blond highlights is simply fabulous.)

Not only was I a total loser, but I'm actually traveling across the country in this very photograph--not by bicycle on a tour I planned myself, but in a bus with a bunch of other little snotbags from the New York City metropolitan area on something called a "teen tour." And how did we spend our time on this "teen tour?" Well, when we weren't looking for places to hide and smoke cigarettes, we were laughing at the locals, because when you're that age and from our part of the world everybody west of Montclair, NJ is freaking hilarious.

Moreover, while this kid may have the audacity to be asking a bunch of strangers for $14,000, I didn't pay my own way on that "teen tour" either, and had I been caught smoking they would have kicked me off the tour and sent me home. Yet if you look in my beady little eyes you can see I don't give a shit. So what's worse? Asking strangers for $14,000 to undertake plans you made yourself, or throwing your family's generosity right in their faces while wearing a Swatch and a mullet?

So I guess what I'm saying is that, as one spoiled brat* to another, I wish this kid the best of luck--though if anyone's going to pay for this mishigas it should be his family, because I ain't giving him a dime.

*[In my own defense, I wasn't that spoiled, and I spent my summers after that working in a hardware store and being verbally abused. Nobody makes you feel stupider than contractors, not even arrogant bicycle mechanics.]

I only hope my own seventeen (17) children don't want to ride across the country one day, because 1) I want to shelter them from the pernicious influences of the rest of the United States for as long as possible; and B) I don't want bikes ruining their lives as they have mine.

Here are a few of the findings that Tuckel and Milczarski gleaned from their research:

The proportion of women pedaling on the city’s streets is still low, just 21.1 percent. But compared to the 2009 study, the proportion of female riders to male has doubled. Women made up 31.1 percent of Citi Bike riders observed.

Women tend to be much more law-abiding than men in every way, but male bike-share riders stop fully at red lights at a rate significantly higher than male general cyclists or male delivery cyclists.

In the recent study, 34 percent of riders were observed going through red lights without pausing or stopping, down about 10 percentage points from 2009.

Just 4.2 percent of cyclists were observed riding against traffic in the street and 3.2 percent were riding against traffic in the bike lane, for a combined total of 7.4 percent – well below the 13.2 percent recorded in 2009.

Helmet use rose from 29.9 percent to 49.8 percent, with much of that being driven by an increase in use by male commercial cyclists (the city passed a law in 2007 that requires businesses to provide their delivery riders with helmets), who wore them at a rate of 72.7 percent. Among general male cyclists, helmet use also went up dramatically, from 32.2 percent to 47.8 percent.

Citi Bike riders in general are more compliant with traffic laws and ride in bike lanes at a higher rate than other riders. As for helmets, 31.1 percent of male Citi Bike riders and 36.2 percent of female Citi Bike riders were wearing them.

I can't believe we're turning into a bunch of docile sycophants. There goes my last link to rebelliousness.

Just 4.2 percent of cyclists were observed riding against traffic in the street and 3.2 percent were riding against traffic in the bike lane, for a combined total of 7.4 percent – well below the 13.2 percent recorded in 2009.

The whole leave-it-to-the-professionals argument is total bullshit. Almost every time I took my bike to a mechanic, I'd have to bring it home and fine tune all the crap that was done shoddily. That's why I started working on my bike in the first place. Installing 1000 kickstands each year doesn't make you more skilled at repairing and maintaining a bicycle.

Bike mechanics, or "wrenches" as they prefer to be known, need to get a life. Anyone can learn 100% of these "skills" in a short course at a bike shop.It's a fucking BIKE, by definition, one of the simplest machines on the planet, just one step above egg beater. However, this has been perverted by US bike designers like Cannondale and Trek who insist on having 12 new standards for parts built in short Chinese production runs, which means they don't understand what the word "standard" means.

Lob dammit, one day a guy with black leather and mirror glasses will give you a red pill and you will wake up with the revelation that there was never anything wrong with 8 speed cassettes, caliper rim brakes, aluminum rims, metal frames and square taper bottom brackets, and that guy who races with you will still kick your ass on a 25 year old Huffy with toe clips, every if your bike weighed zero pounds.

I agree with the bike shop mechanics generally do a half azzed job comment. Part of it is they don't put the bike under ride conditions, so they do not experience the problems that appear on the road but not in the repair stand. Between the hassle of getting my bike to a bike shop, the routine disappointment in the results, and the predictable universally misplaced snob attitude, I prefer to fuck things up on my own. Kind of like sex.

Holy Crap! I saved my money from an after-school job to fund my ride to Rocket City, Alabama and the train ride back. He is WAY too professional, he's going to make shitloads of money in the future, he does not need to freeload off the kindness of strangers.

So he expects people to buy him everything new that he needs?This attitude needs to be stopped, that if you ask nicely you can expect huge gifts.

Kiskstart my gourmet dinner cooking experience for a year. I need a new stove, natural gas, cookware, cookbooks, and of course, food.

I will serve you a meal if you pony up $250. It may not be very good, I'm still learning. And no special requests.

Oh yeah. The Gossamer. Had one of those. Happy to sue you put it on thinking I wouldn't know the difference until it was too late. They were right. Hey. Cheat every customer once. Or is it: to serve you better.

I've heard the elitist bike mechanic rant before. I'd say that any wrench who works on bikes all day can do their job more efficiently than I, but not inherently better. I feel very comfortable working on my bikes. However, there are procedures that I "refer" to the excellent shop I prefer. Often these repairs require special tools I do not own or it is a type of repair that I have done only a few times and I'd prefer not to screw up on my plastic bike with PITA Mavic wheels.

The survey also determined that 13% of SUVs have never hopped a curb and run down a pedestrian, and a whopping 17% have never crashed through the front of a donut shop. This is up from 15% last year, a very good trend indeed.

funny story about expert bike mechanics, had my rear brake stolen so had it replaced at a LBS (yes could have done this myself, but just wanted to get it done quickly and not be without my commuting bike for 2 weeks while i waited to get the part and had the time to install - also I'm a romantic and like the concept of supporting your LBS). anyway, said break never worked properly so i took it back to the shop a couple months later (I'm a lazy fuck) and they informed me that it was the wrong type of break for the bike. I informed them that they were the onces who replaced the break and they said: "oh, sorry about that." so much for experts.

I too worked my way through high school at a hardware store, but the contractors must have gone elsewhere cause I never got much grief from them.

What always amazed me was the middle aged guys who would ask a pimply teenager for advice on how to fix a leaky faucet. I was pretty helpful to the kids who I'd find staring at the plumbing supplies though. One of these, two of those, one of these, there's your hash pipe buddy.

A friend brought his road bike over one day, hoping I could make it shift like it should. It was about six months old, had a complete 105 drivetrain, and had never shifted well according to my friend, even after giving up on the place he bought it and taking it to two other shops. It was a mess! It took me ten minutes to straighten out all the dumb things that had been done to it, and then it shifted fine. Did I mention that he had taken it to three bike shops?

I still ride the 8 speed setup that came with my casati in 1996(R&A cycles in Brooklyn took $100 off for not building with a 9 speed)

For years In got parts at Branford Bike; more recently I got an 8 speed campy record cassette for $50 from chain reaction cycles in northern ireland. (You're right...nobody makes decent ones...these were new old stock, or a very good counterfeit)

BikeFleets, Bike Stable, Stable navel, whatever works for worshiping at the altar of bike consumerism.

I like 9 speed. No French octalink for you though. And especially no Swiss thread anything unless you wanna go Phil Wood or wait for it on eBay (I have done both). Yes, I want to put a Phil titanium/schmegmanese bottom bracket in this old Peugeot, for sentiMENTAL reasons. The drillium Stronglight 105 works with 9 speed if you put little screws in between the chainring drillium holes to keep the chain from falling between the couronnes. Just because you can does not necessarily mean you should . . .

SCRANIUS MAXIMUS !

I hope the snow doesn't collapse my house on my stable fleet of 9 speeders !

The fixin your own creak and gettin talked down to by surly plumbers workin in a hardware store really hits home. I don't shelter my kids, though. Better desensitize them a lil bit for LIFE. It comes at you fast.

Ya know, Snob, if your kid wants to do a coast to coast ride some day, he can ride from commentator to commentator, and we can put him up for the night. That way he can meet all of the people who love you back. Or something.

Lob forgive me, I just purchased a new road racing machine of the crabon variety with 11 speeds. I fear my douche factor may have gone too high. At least I'm old enough to realize that fact and still not give a shit.

Sendin shout-outs to all the condescending bike mechanics! There is a grandiose delusion among them that closely parallels the one amongst riders. There should be a term for mechanics that corresponds to "Fred" in the BSNYC sense. Docteur mécanicien would be awesome but the irony would surely be lost on them.

Sorry "bicycle mechanic," your job is one step above McDonald's. I don't pay you to do things because they require advanced education (see "doctor," "attorney," "engineer"). I pay you to handle drudgery that is too boring for me (see "clean that drivetrain like a good little bitch").

Great post today. I took Sheldon Brown's page on building wheels and went for it. First run was a bit of learning, but in the end, I have a nice true wheel with butted spokes for about 150 douche-wallah bucks that has served me well for years.

Building a bike is not all that hard, learning the minutiae is the hard part. How to clean up a cut cable housing, why you pick a certain straddle wire length, How to wrap a bar all nicey nice. How to pick parts that work together. My greatest pleasure was looking at my 800 bucks of well built bike that would have cost me 2K at the shop and it fit right from the start.

Also in the world of rocket science, here is Seattle, it is a real smackdown to figure out who will give you more attitude, bike mechanics or baristas. I guess the PhD in English just does something to the brain. Plus, the barista queen of all that is beautiful and right and true in the world should work at figuring out that tea is made with 212 degree water, not 180 degree. What a savage.

For those of west of Montclaire, NJ, wherever that is, we think New York is hilarious because the police spend huge amounts of time an money trying to track down the whoever sold smack to whatever celebrity just O.D'd just after beating up an old guy for Jaywalking.

Etherhuffer... I so admire your skill and ability, and I do try to learn what I can about maintaining my bikes. I just suck. It would oh so surely cost me many thousands of dollars in mistakes before I built my first $800 success, and try as I might, still you'll find me running to the shop for an adjustment all together too often, FOR SAFETY'S SAKE.

Even so, being a bit of a wrench is a noble aspiration, and my sad attempts at proper bike maintenance ARE good for a laugh.

Dang babs that would make a good home movie. Cue Scene: (Hapless MILF stumbles into bike shop right at closing time needing her Q Factor spread out a little bit. And her knees are skint up. And she is broke.)

I've yet to tackle a wheel build or a BB replacement. Everything else is fair game. Eventually I get it working even though sometimes you can hear my breeks 3 counties away. I did recently take the como in for a creak that's been irritating me since last spring. They said they tightened some ring bolts. Didn't think to check those. Wooda been nice to not be going creak, creak, creak across the Mason Dixon line along the GAP last summer.

robot oserizi foundings. I told him to put the oserizi back where he found it.

I. If your mullet is hairsprayed to the point of being a helment, it becomes a mullent.

II. Oh I know how to fix my own bike. Because a. I can afford my own tools, from working at my grown-up job that I had to go to college for. b. I have plenty of time, like the Snobz be sayin', and I actually give a shit a little, since it's my own bike (or that of my little snuggy-wumpkin). c. There is this thing called the internet.

Etherhuffer - a geologist I know is very particular about his tea, and he insists it's a terrible thing to use water which is too hot, cause it scalds the leaves and makes it bitter. Personally, I can't taste the difference.

Um... and having switched from coffee to tea, I've learned that matcha rules. Everything. OMG a matcha latte is waaaaaaaay better than any kinda coffee, though it's hella expensive, too. If you want to buy it in small quantities it will run about $40 for 80 grams. I use two scoops per cup, so it's ridiculous unless you order it online in bulk, where you can get 2 lbs for $120.

Definitely NOT more cost effective than coffee, but much better for the body...

Hapless? Babs has a surfeit of hap..2 days after cracking her noggin or drinking a wicked potion she's riding her bike in 7 inch heels and/or blogging...she's as happy as something quite happy. Never hapless.

@BabsMatcha is completely an expensive niche tea due to it being produced in Japan. The tea leaves are steamed then dried, instead of rolled or fermented. Then its ground into dust. Very unique, very expensive.

I am in the process of planting tea plants at our house. You can make a passable green tea in Seattle, albeit in the Japanese style of regular green, not matcha.

Oh, and growing and making tea is a far more worthy concern than wrenching on a bike.

@RoilleHarbor Freight used to have a bike tool set for cheap that got you started with the main tools. I don't think they have it now, but its worth looking. Took the sting out of learning how to wrench.

RF - thank you, bless your heart. It's not that I don't try... I do. It's just laughable. Just this morning, my younger son said "Mum I know one thing for certain. I got my klutziness from you." Sad, but true. He's right, bless his soul.

It's not hapless, and definitely not helpless, but it's hopeless. Sure, I can ride, but that's only cause I've done my time. I can do all sorts of girly girl things with my hands, too, including make a light and delicate pastry, or even some fine stitching, but mechanics? Sigh. Yes, I can change a tire, or adjust my cables, but anything which requires skill? Nuh uh. That's why I know so many guys with names like Boomnuts.

Maybe a girls-only course is the answer... anything is possible.

And Etherhuffer - another geologist I know, one who works in the nuclear industry, told me to stay the fuck away from Japanese tea of any sort, since radiation sucks, and the tea district is near Fukushima. My matcha is Swiss Organic certified and Korean grown. And it's expensive cause matcha is like drinking green tea on EPO. You get a whole order of magnitude more of the good things in your tea cause you are consuming the whole leaf.

Being formerly from the world of automotive wrenching and constantly taking classes to try to keep up with the explosion of technology, I could only dream of the simple, no-brainer life of bike wrenching.

I used to be unsure about attempting tasks that 'mechanics' did. Then one day remembered the type of person that ended up in shop class at my high school. I thought that if people who had trouble remembering their locker combination could make a living fixing things then surely I could turn a wrench too and have some success. Never looked back. Maybe it's because I always had trouble remembering my locker combination.

In forty years I've taken my bikes in for work maybe three times, for stuff that needed a weird tool that I'd use that one time only. I like doing everything else myself, but I don't blame those who contract it out. Thing is, you have to find a decent mechanic, always a problem, just as with cars.

My favorite part of bike-mek action is when I have some bizarre problem, and I root around in my boxes of greasy ancient detritus and find something that I can make work, that's been in there for decades. Excelsior! I shout, all alone in the garage.

Bought a new tire today. Sidewall said to install on crotched rims only. Fortunately the bike guy (may or may not be a mechanic) googled Sheldon Brown for a definition. Who's the dentist now? I don't even google bike stuff myself. Picked up a Scranus® rim to mount it on. Crotched - heheheh.

I don't drink coffee because it is good for my body. Shit. I drink it so I don't stagger on out into traffic and die and so I can tell my morning suppositories from all the other pills. Plus hot single malt in the morning makes me snort.

Once after descending a steep, very rocky trail, I lifted my montaynbykcicle to portage it across the washed-out section at the stream crossing in the canyon bottom. Upon doing so I heard a "shhhhlop" as the fork lowers removed themselves from the uppers. The brake cable was the only thing holding the front wheel. Luckily I wasn't big into jumping or the wheel might've availed itself of my bike whilst I was riding. Bike shop mechanics are not infallible.

Oh, and "quiver" is the supercool term for your arsenal of bikes.

Afgani confiderDo I have to do the CAPTCHA if it's spelled wrong AND it puts me on an NSA watchlist?????

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!