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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Dagnabit

My santo is pissed off. This morning she whispered to me that she wanted to be a fado singer and hang with the Portugese sailors instead of being a saint. She wants a noisy, boisterous life.

So - the results of my doctor's appointment this morning to discuss my voice loss. Sadly, I've pretty much even lost the weak croaking that I had for awhile. The doc explained that because over 4" of the vagus nerve was removed there would be no "miracle nerve regeneration". That in fact as the vocal chord lies dormant it will actually atrophy and grow weaker over time.

Blech. Moving on to the next rock-and-a-hard-place. I'm scheduled for thyroplasty surgery on May 18th. What they do is open the last incision back up and put a piece of gortex into the side of the vocal cord that is paralyzed to push it over so it can close better. This should help me with breathing and swallowing as well as giving me a louder voice.

The yucky side of this surgery is that they do it without putting you to sleep. As in gag, cough, can't breathe, and so on. I have a helluva gag reflex already which caused me a tough night after the first surgery so I am a little put off by that but it will be worth it if I can talk again.

Some things we choose, some things we endure. Thank your voice today. Laugh out loud at least once for me. xo

69 comments:

It all sounds so hard...losing your voice, the upcoming surgery (awake!)...I hope all goes well and want you to know that your "voice" still seems so loud and clear and true to your readers...wishing you a FULL recovery!

Hi Judy,Your Santos is beautiful and I can't wait for your book on plaster-I love plaster bandage and used it only recently to make a bird doll head-so much easier for me than clay!I feel for you with all your health troubles at the moment. I hope your procedure goes well and is over as quickly as possible.

Judy,You are a constant wonder and inspiration to me. I admire you in more ways than you can imagine. I am with you as you go through this, going through some tough stuff here too, and it makes me appreciate your clear, positive, forward thinking voice even more. You are awesome. I have been a (mostly) quiet fan for years, but a fan nonetheless.Julie Fillo

sorry to hear this news but I truly believe that a voice that needs to be hear such as yours will prevail - and we will gratefully hear your audible sounds very soon - sending healing thoughts and prayers and ((((HUGS))))) Reva (Los Angeles)

The saintly one should be pissed off. Saintliness is not high up there with fun and going crazy once in a while. I am sitting is San Miguel working and thinking about your wonderfulness. I have news to share that may get you down here with us sooner than later. Later best girl friend...............

oh judy - you are being so brave and strong... aren't we blessed to know that as an artist our 'voice' does not require vocal chords and air and sound... your voice is already strong and full of verve and vitality and direction and dreams - prayers now for a complete recovery of your other voice too!!!

i love that you chose a fado singer to contrast with your saint. i can't think of a better musical parallel to the difficulties you're going through right now. fado music is mournful and sad, yet full of hope and love, and the music sails out like a ribbon. just like the way you write. so expressive and truthful. you sound just like amalia rodrigues to me. please keep singing on paper and i wish you all the best. xo aimee

well i'll be a son of a %$#$@ that just plain sucks. sometimes stomping your feet helps with this kind of problem riding horseback in moonlight helps more. i'm coming to get you. since you can't talk 2 squeezes will mean slow down, and 3 will mean speed up. BTW i'm taking you to a little fado club i know of...

sweet judy blue eyes....your incredibleness radiates from you - Even Though. you are a special delight of a person, and i wish you great goodness, quick healing, and that all the Goodness & Wonder that you've sent out be returned to you 10-fold. Linda

First let me bow to you for that beautiful doll. working with that clay is HARD!! I tried my first doll and I went to bed in total frustration. Any tips??Also I can't imagine not being able to talk though my family would probably be happier;)I wish you strength and a beautiful recovery. I am sure your voice will will ring loud and clear through your creativity:)

Oh Judy, That upcoming surgery does sound scary. Will they at least give you some sedation, to help you relax and to some degree tune it out? You got through the other scary chapters. You'll get through this one, too. I'm just going to be quiet with you tonight. Tomorrow will laugh out loud, and scatter blessings in your direction. I wish you could have seen my yard today, filled with beautiful little migrating birds. Very big hugs, Patsy

Judy, I love your Santos and her story! Your imagination is as wonderful and as fun as always. It shines through your art and writing, your beautiful smile, and the sparkle in your eyes. Communication for you involves ALL aspects of your being, and now you will rely more heavily on the visual. I am one person of many who has never heard your actual "voice" and yet I "hear" you and I've learned so much from you. I anxiously await for your blog updates because you inspire, motivate, and teach me through your written words and creative works. The thoughts you share make a connection to all of those who will never be lucky enough to meet you in person. You have the amazing combination of honest vulnerability and strength. I pray everything goes very well with your surgery and recovery. You are admirably strong on this rollercoaster journey!

Oh Judy! My heart. Goes out to you as this continues. I know you will be fine but the journey just sucks sometimes. Your words and reminder to be thankful for the little things are such an encouragement to me. I hpe you feel thesame encouragement from all of us! Lots of love going your way!!!!

First using my voice to croak out loud in frustration and anger that this icky is happening to my most wonderful Teacher-Lady-Friend !!! Arghhhhh!Now using my voice to promise to find every opportuinty to laugh and talk and be grateful for my own vocal cords today and always. And also to keep those prayers and loving mojo verse flowing towards you, my lovely Judy.Big Love to you !!!!

I'll laugh. I'll pray out loud. And if you want me to, I'll scream in frustration. And I'll miss having doll play with you this summer. Peace, my friend. Surrender. There are so many ways to be heard and to speak.

Dagnabit? Holy Sh%^&*^T is more like it!Geez Louise! So so sorry you have to ENDURE this! Well, if it were me I'd be taking a ton of anti anxiety meds to go through an awake surgery. But you sound rather non plussed by the whole idea (except for the gag worry). Let's hope what they numb you with helps that aspect.My dearly departed mother once had an anyurisim, for which she survived two 8 hr surgeries through a hole in her neck while AWAKE!!!! She told the doctor she wouldn't be able to do that and he said she HAD to do it. And she did.And she lived for many more years after! I had to have a shot of novicane in my EYE while wide awake and I did survive that...so I guess we can ENDURE what we have to ENDURE.I am again glad to hear that it will give you your voice back.Sending healing thoughts and love your way. And some hugs too.

Blech is right Judy! All you can do now is stay strong. And when you can't do that for a second longer...clench your fists, stomp your feet and be mad and a little afraid. Then hold tight to your nearest and dearest.After that, back to being strong once more!

Like a pissed off fado singer, you will be heard, one way or another! Your spunk & strength & new Gortex parts will serve you well....I feel it in my bones! Love your work, as always. I'm laughing and whooping it up in your honor, remembering you telling me about "the peeing chihuahua"! Wish there was such a thing as "Gag-Be-Gone"... x0x0x0 deb/debbie/debra

Judy, wishing you all the best in your upcoming surgery. I for one have very much enjoyed your artistic voice, the one that you have shared with us here on your blog. I'm sorry to hear you are having such problems with your physical voice.

judy, your santo/fado singer is so cool; i am seriously lusting after her. i do believe that regardless of which she is, she's not taking any sh*t from anyone. yesterday i went to the thrift store in search of dolls to plaster over, but they only had one that didn't call to me. what they *did* have was a bag of plastic animals. they were shouting my name left and right!! so i'll see how a plastered pig and horse look...

sending you warm and loving thoughts, and will try to laugh out loud repeatedly...

You can count on me to laugh for you. Oh, Judy! It is difficult to know the right words, but you are right about some things we choose, some we endure. I will hope and pray (in my own way) the next surgery gives you back your sweet voice.

Personally, I think this sucks, and if I was a magical person my wand would be waving. I have you in my heart, all the best wishes for you are there. You, in my studio, with candles and wishes, are being lifted up. You deserve your voice, and I want that for you. xooxoxo

yes, you have a strong voice and we can all hear it. It does suck, but you have a brave spirit, and brave does not mean you can't be pissed off or upset, too.I shall laugh out loud for you today and tomorrows .. and with each laugh I send you good energy, strength, patience and hope.

I'm so sorry Judy, have a big pitty party for yourself and then get on with your positive attitude. Sorry that you have to endure this, life can be nasty sometimes but hang in there and think about yourself in a field of daisy's. Prayers will be said. Thank you for sharing Judy.

Judy, Judy... You are in my thoughts and prayers that all goes well with the next procedure. You are a strong woman and I have no question you will overcome! When the medicine tastes bad just remind yourself these are things they do FOR us and not things they do TO us.

from another silent lurker & huge fan....you still sound the same to me...! I can tell you are a fighter & going through another procedure is evidence of that. I hope you will be able to raise your voice again! I will hold that thought in my heart in gratitude for all you've inspired in me over the years!

Sorry to hear you have to have that type of surgery w/out anethesia!! i had and endoscopy a few yrs ago-and woke up in the middle of it-gagging of course-and messed up my throat. It was very sore for a wk-could hardly even swallow-hopefully things will go much smoother for you~best of luck!

I used to be sad that I have such a sucky singing voice, but now I'm just glad I can sing. And so can you. Remember how you didn't need words to talk to Hermanito, or he to you? That's how it will be with me and you, IF you don't get your voice back (very big IF)! You've taught us all how to be positive, so I'm sending some of it back, with love and thanks. :-)

Judy,I've only just found your blog but don't need to 'catch up' to understand what you're facing at the present time. All I can say is that your heart and soul are in your pages and the creativity shines through. I laughed out loud today for myself and for you. Lesley.

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About Me

Judy Wise is an Oregon painter, writer and teacher whose work has been published over several decades in books and periodicals, on greeting cards, textiles, educational materials, calendars and in the gift industry. She is prolific and inventive, keeping daily journals of her writing and art since childhood and finding fascination in many divergent art related areas. She knows that art saves lives, that people who make art are more interesting than people who don’t, and that everyone can be creative if they are adventurous. She is a passionate lover of all things artful and of helping others find joy in the process of self expression.