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Virtually Lost

Author's note:
From reading this story, I hope that people will learn that not all things are as they seem. I...
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Author's note: From reading this story, I hope that people will learn that not all things are as they seem. I also hope that they will thoroughly enjoy this story, and recommend it to others.
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We half parked, half crashed next to Dad's building. We leaped out of the car and ran inside.
"They will be able to catch us in the elevator. We need to take the stairs." Well that's just great, I thought, because we were headed to the top floor of a fifty story building. It was going to be quite a workout.
"Okay, none of this explains why the CIA is chasing us."
"They want to turn the technology into a weapon. With it they will be able to extract information from an asset, and then simply discard them afterward. No one should have that power."
Before, I thought that Dad just went crazy, but now I knew that this was serious. What he said was happening was all true. This was real.
"If you don't want anyone else to have it, can't you just destroy it?"
"That's another problem. The technology doesn't involve any hardware. It uses code fused into the Game, and it's already online for testing. There are hundreds of people inside. If I pull the server, all of the connections will break, and they'll all die. The only way to get them out is to win the game, safely closing the session, and destroying the Game."
He glanced back at me for a moment. "That's where you come in."
"WHAT! Why me? You've been playing video games since before I was born!"
"Because Matt, I used your game for testing."
"Why?"
"The Game needed to be in first person. When I saw yours, I thought it would be a perfect trial for the Game. You know all of the moves, and the best strategies. If anyone can beat it, it's you."
When we got to the top floor I was amazed at what I saw. It was every gamer's dream. There was every single game, and piece of equipment that anyone could ever want or need. Dad led me past some of the most amazing systems I'd ever seen. None of them have even come out yet. Each one we passed looked cooler than the next. Then he stopped at a very familiar one. It was the system I had in my room. The exact same one.
"Why is my console here?" I asked. He quickly replied.
"The system already knows you, so the uplink will be faster to complete. Also, it just made sense to play your game on the console you helped design."
I sat down at the chair directly in front of the monitor, and picked up the controller. "I'm ready." I told him.
"Okay, I'm transferring the server to a secure location. That should buy you a little more time to beat the Game. I've also sent in some people to help you. They know about everything that's going on, and they've agreed to do anything they can to help you. Once you're inside, find Player Zero."
I made a deep, nervous sigh. "What if someone gets a lucky shot on me? What if I can't win?" I thought. Dad immediately read my expression.
"You can do this Matt, I know you can."
He gave me one last look, and I told him to send me in.
"Play The Game." He said.
Suddenly the screed went dark, and a loading bar appeared. Upload 10% Complete. 20%. 30%. 40%. 50%. 60%. 70%. 80%. 90%. Then I heard the door burst open, and turned around just in time to see a dozen men rush in.
"Drop the controller!" I heard one man yell.
"Put your hands in the air!" Yelled another.
Then a single gunshot rang out. I quickly turned, and ducked to avoid the bullet. I took a quick glance back up at the monitor, then everything went black. I still saw one image flashing in my head. Operation Disrupted. Transfer 99% Complete.

Join the Discussion

Here's my impression from the first 5 or so chapters.
Your plot moves way too fast. You need to slow down a bit and take the time to show your reader the details instead of just telling them to us. For example, in the first chapter, you tell everyone that the main character is the laughing stock of the school. Instead, how about backtracking a few days and writing a scene with the main character at school, and reflect a little on his thoughts there. This does take a lot of work, b... (more »)