How do relationships even work?!

I was lookin’ for a place on the internet to tell my story while I keep anonymous. I think I found the perfect place. So, I just want to tell you about what happened today, or yeah, this evening.

My boyfriend is so crazy about me that he wants to give me presents all the time and don’t get me wrong, I love it, but I also hate it so much because it’s too much and I’m always thinking that I have to do something in return…

I’m a sucker for love, I really am. I never got out of a relationship healthier, and I really love this one and I want to spend my life with him even though I always said I don’t want a man in my life who stays. But I want this one to stay but he doesn’t have to impress me all the time. He impresses me just by being himself and I can’t tell him that because he gets mad every time I try to explain this. He just wants the best for me but I don’t want to suffocate in a relationship. Why won’t he understand that? He’s so afraid of losing me but I don’t want to lose him to but there have to be rules, I guess. Because otherwise this won’t work. We’re 7 months together now and it feels like we’re together for years. It’s awesome 95% of the time, really. But right now I don’t really know what to do. I really don’t.

I just want to talk to him and talk through it all but it’s not easy and it will never be. So, we went to the movies this evening and when we drove back home I tried to talk to him about all the things that are going on in my mind but he got mad and I got mad because he got mad & so we stopped talking to each other, and when we came home I kissed him goodnight and he asked me what he did wrong, but he didn’t do anything wrong, but sorta he did. You know? What do I have to say? I didn’t want to answer so I just said goodnight and he stepped in his car and he drove away so fast & dangerous… I was worried for a long time ‘till he texted me. I just don’t want to lose him in a car accident, I just don’t want to lost him at all, ever. I’m serious.

So I geuss that’s enough venting for today, I’m going to sleep now. Have a good night.