Jobless – Chapter 38

“….. it’s something that can’t be helped even if you listened, right?”

Elisha gave a bitter smile after finishing her story.

That appearance was somewhat pitiful, and her expression has turned pale.

I wonder if it’s my insolence to wish to know the other party’s past.

“That’s not true. I have come to understand Elisha. But, is it something that Elisha wouldn’t want to remember?”

“No. I am the one who decide to talk about it… I have not forget about it as well. And that is the reason why I entered this institute after all.”

“Is Elisha thinking of taking revenge on that man after becoming strong?”

“…..if that man appears right in front of my eyes, I might consider it.”

To possibly consider about it means that revenge is not the main objective for Elisha.

“Revenge isn’t your main aim, right?”

“Yep. I didn’t desire for power to take revenge. I wanted the power for the sake of protecting everyone. I desire for the power to protect those precious to me to the end.”

The power for the sake of revenge.

If Elisha desires it, it’s possible that she might kill the opponent with magic without any hesitation.

But, Elisha has the part where she is scared of injuring the opponent.

The trigger might have been due to the murder of her parents.

And, due to the incident of her magic rampage which almost killed her opponent, that fear turned even more severe, resulting in the inability to use magic.

The reason why Elisha counldn’t use magic might have been from such a situation.

Well, this is just my own conjecture though.

“Are you able to kill your enemy to protect?”

“……eh?”

“You can’t kill, right?”

“…..that’s something I am unsure about….”

Elisha’s expression was warped in anguish.

She most likely imagined about it.

The instant she was killed by someone.

“There are times when to protect someone, you have to kill another, no matter what.”

“….I can protect even without killing.”

“If there is a difference in ability, then that’s also possible. But, if we think about a situation of a fight of equal, you will die without protecting anything again, you know?”

I declared it clearly.

But, the Elisha now can’t protect anything.

Her determination to be strong is settled.

She also has the aim to become strong so as to be able to protect.

But even so, if she doesn’t have the resolution to kill the opponent in the fight, the one who will die is herself.

The aim that she had set upon, the hard work that she put in, all will end in futility.

“If you wish to become strong, to protect, you must not be waver. Hold onto your resolution.”

“Resolution….”

“If you can do that, Elisha will become even more stronger.”

“….I got it. I will remember that.”

Elisha nodded seriously.

“Also――Nah, I guess that’s fine.”

Though there is still actually one more thing I wanted to convey,

“If you have already brought it up, finish it to the end.”

I shouldn’t have brought it up.

I was hesitating whether should I say it.

That is regarding the cursed words left behind to Elisha.

Curse――even though I say that, it’s not the sorcery type of curse.

It’s the curse left behind by the man who killed Elisha’s parents.

It’s that reason that Elisha is bent on the impression that she can’t become strong because she’s a female.

But, that’s also a mistake.

In reality, there’s no such thing as inability to become strong because one is a female.

If you compare the difference between the physique of a male and female to the quality of magic arts and magic, technical skill and combat techniques, it’s rather trivial.

If one is concerned with the physique difference, in the first place, humans can’t compared with the beast race like the werewolf.

That’s why there are also techniques in combat.

That’s what we call fighting strength with flexiblity. (TL: Direct TL is “Control Hard with Soft Skillfully.” Well, basically, what you learn in Judo or even Taiji in that sense, i guess.)

That’s why it has nothing to do with gender.

Even so, Elisha feels that she became stronger from disguising as a male.

Even though if one continues to fake oneself, one cannot acquire true strength.

That’s because that is rejecting yourself and what are you facing.

Face yourself, and learn about yourself.

Your strengths

Your weaknesses.

Without knowing both, how are you going to get stronger?

To be weak means that there is a possibility to become strong.

Without knowing one’s weakness, you can’t become stronger.

Elisha’s feelings to become stronger is likely genuine.

All the more, I wish that she could face her weakness.

Not just power, but also the heart.

At the end of my worries――I decided to talk.

“It’s better that you stop disguising as a male if you wish to become stronger. You are a female.”

Elisha’s eyes widened largely.

“….Mars, you were listening to my story, right?”

It was a soft voice.

But, there is definitely anger mixed within it.

“Ah, I heard it. That’s why I will say it. You are a female.”

“I am…. a male.”

I don’t think she will acknowledged that so easily, i guess.

She had been rejecting facing herself like this for many years.

By the curse of that man that killed her parents.

But, this curse that binds Elisha shall end.

“Then, let’s see you strip right here” (TL: Whoa, that’s direct!)

“u――”

Elisha’s silver eyes wavered.

Her body solidifies to the point you can see it from just one glance.

“You can’t do it, right?”

“…..I can.”

“You, who screamed after letting me see you naked?”

“Th, that was because it was so sudden then.”

Why Elisha doesn’t want to recognize it.

That’s likely because she is trying to reject that she is a female.

She is running away but putting the everything as the fault of being a female.

“Sudden? As if a guy would scream from letting another guy see his naked self.”

“If you are shocked, anyone would scream, right?”

“Then, it isn’t suddenly now, right?”

“….”

Elisha gradually put her hands on her clothes.

The finger that was trying to unbutton her clothes were shivering.

“Are you scared?”

“I am not scared….!”

Even though she denied it, Elisha’s body is trembling.

“Female can’t do anything. They just get assaulted, violated and killed.”

“u――”

Those are the words that are a curse to her.

“Are you afraid of being assaulted? Are you afraid of being violated? Are you afraid of being killed? Because you are a female, can’t you do anything?”

“…..”

Elisha doesn’t say a word.

I stood up to further intensify it.

“Don’t lose to the words of such a person. Don’t think that just because you are a female, you can’t become strong. Don’t deceive yourself that because you are a female, you are weak.”

Elisha’s eyes is swaying.

But she doesn’t avert her eyes.

I continued to speak.

“Face yourself”

To cut away the curse that binds Elisha.

“It has nothing to do with your gender. It’s just that you are weak that you couldn’t protect anyone.”

Just declaring the truth,

“If you don’t accept this truth properly, you can’t become stronger.”

“……u――……――”

Elisha’s expression that has warped to a mortifying one.

But, gradually, it seems to have reach a stage where you can’t control her emotions,

“I know….. I know that!”

Her tears came flooding out.

“I know that because I was weak, Tou-sama and Kaa-sama are dead!”

“……”

“I already know long ago. About something like that.”

Even then, there might be a reason why she has to deceive herself.

“… that’s why I wanted to become stronger. I desired for a strength enough to protect those precious to me this time. But, I know that I won’t become strong with my current self. At that time, I have no idea how to become stronger. That’s why I wanted a reason for my weakness. To become stronger, I wanted a reason for my weakness. At that time, I heard his words. Females are useless in the battlefield. As if cajolery, those words violated my heart. If I threw away my femininity, I thought I would become strong.” (TL: Guess she might have went crazy if she doesn’t find a reason at that age of hers.)

The reason for her weakness is her femininity.

In that case, becoming a male will make her strong.

Just by thinking that, perhaps she might be able to regain her footing.

But

“At this rate, you will hit a wall, you know? Are you going to deceive yourself at that time? What are you going to put the blame on this time?”

“….that’s……”

“Don’t avert your eyes away and face yourself. With each and every single weakness. When that happens, you will become even stronger than your current self.”

As I said that, Elisha looked at me with a direct and tactlessly frank look.

“Will I be able to do it?”

“You can. It’s fine even if it’s gradual. It’s fine even if you go slowly.”

“…..I got it.”

Elisha firmly received my words.

“…..Mars, right now, I decided on one thing.”

She said something like that.

“What is it?”

“It’s still a secret.”

“….. I see.”

I wonder if there will be a time when she reviewed that secret to me.

Still. Since she said that, she might tell me someday.

…. In that case, I shall wait for that time now.

“Mars, why don’t you go to the bath? Though I think the bath is still opened, it’s not like it will be opened for the whole day.”

Until she said that, I totally forgot about it

Now that I think of it, I haven’t gotten into the bath yet.

“I see. Then I guess I will go for it.”

Of course, I won’t invite her today.

“Sorry. I have a place I have to go for a bit.”

“After this?”

“Yeah. It’s an important matter so I have to go right now.”

……Important matter?

I wonder what’s that about?

“If it’s okay, can I go as well?”

“Nah. I am fine alone. I don’t want to rely on Mars too much.”

“…. I see”

True.

If it’s something that can be done alone, it should be done alone.

“Then, be careful.”

“Okay. I might be back late, so go ahead and sleep”

“Got it.”

And then, Elisha left the room.

I thought as I was left alone in the room.

Now that I think of it, isn’t it better that I change my room?

Well….. Let’s try discussing that with Elisha after she came back

Deciding that, I went towards the bath.

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thanks for the chapter~
retake
“…..Mars, right now, I decided on one thing.”
“What is it?”
“It’s still a secret.”–I’ll pretend to be a guy to stay with you in the same room and take you for myself, defeat Raphie too!.–
“….. I see.”