Alex was the last to open her present. She reached for the elaborately-wrapped gift, and stole a surreptitious glance around the room. Many were comparing gifts and laughing at their co-workers' creativity: fifteen dollars was hardly a princely sum, but some of the Secret Santa presents showed astonishing ingenuity. She caught Trevor's eye, and colored mildly with embarrassment and annoyance that he'd managed to engineer an excuse to attend the 1-6's annual Christmas function on the arm of the new clerical lightweight from Bookings. Elliot had been there that night too, and he'd clearly had a casual conversation with someone at the precinct, because news of her dinner date with Trevor, and the lascivious rumors attached thereto, had filtered right back to the DA's office within 48 hours

Alex began to open the gift. Soft, light  feels like fabric. T-shirt? Scarf? She quit delaying and opened the wrapping. What emerged was most unexpected  an apron. She smiled politely. To calls of "put it on!" she unfolded it, and as people caught sight of the slogan emblazoned across the front three things happened: Alex blushed crimson, Trevor's face registered interest and surprise and he raised suggestive eyebrows as he accepted a couple of nudges and a congratulatory slap on the back, and a smugly smiling Olivia melted quietly out of view.

'Will cook for sex'

Alex stared at the gift and shook her head imperceptibly. Her only real option was to play along. She lifted the apron over her head, smoothed it across her middle and tied it behind her back, then raised her glass and wished everyone a happy holiday.

"Nice apron, Alex."

It was Olivia's voice behind her, smooth and syrupy, and low enough that only she could hear.

Alex spoke through a brilliant smile, and clenched teeth. "Olivia Benson, when I get you home I am going to kill you. Slowly."