Feature:

How To Win At Off The Grid Presidio

If you have a child, like the sun, aren't allergic to grass, enjoy food served out of vehicles, and aren't horribly averse to waiting in line, Off the Grid Picnic in the Presidio is calling your name. This is the new "see and be seen" spot for parents who need to get out of the house, drink freely, and let their offspring wander on public land. (Don't worry, the childless are welcome, too.) And best of all, there's a sh*tload of good food circling you at all times. However, there's a right way and a wrong way to experience this wonderland. Here's how we approach it, and we always end up happy, slightly sunburnt, and without a trace of the Sunday blues.

1. Wear removable layers.

While it may be frigid in the shade and the wind can bring a chill, the second you lie down the sun will beat down upon you in a searing frenzy. There are kids around so generally you do need to keep your pants on.

2. Employ one of the forty thousand children.

Befriend them and ask them to wait in line for Del Popolo for you. Pay them in Pez or bitcoins, whichever they prefer.

3. Laugh at the sportbrellas.

Maybe those kids won’t get cancer, but they also have to sit under a sportbrella.

4. Bring a blanket or your largest bath towel.

If you don’t, you run the risk of sitting on the remains of a taco some tot couldn’t quite understand how to eat. End to end, not in the middle, little ones.

5. Go in shifts, and get a little bit of everything.

The duck tacos at Pluck and pretty much anything from Slightly Skewed are awesome to share. Hit the Nopalito tent for the spicy chips (totopos).

6. Get there early.

Football season is months away and everyone has a lot of free time on Sundays. The picnic is live from 11-4, but the lawn is almost totally full by 11:45.

7. Do not attend the yoga class.

Yoga has its place in the world (India?), but attending an outdoor yoga class in the middle of an eating and drinking festival is not the move.