Dear Harlan: I’ve been dating someone for a couple of weeks. I’m in my early 20s and I’m a virgin. It’s something I own with pride. This guy is much more experienced than me and has had two previous serious relationships that were sexual. We have kissed, but I would like to do more with him. My problem is his past. One of the reasons I’ve waited to have sex is because I don’t want to get an STD. Should I make him get tested before we do anything too serious? What if he thinks I’m weird or this freaks him out? I’ve never had to have this conversation. — Careful and Fearful

Dear Careful and Fearful: He should run to get tested – and you should run with him to get tested, too. This isn’t weird or freaky. It’s responsible. Your rule is that you don’t have sex with anyone who hasn’t been tested. It’s your personal boundary. Tell him you really like him, kiss him and then share your rule. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, HPV (human papillomavirus) is the most common sexually transmitted disease and can have no visible symptoms. Herpes and chlamydia can go symptomless too. Then there’s gonorrhea, HIV and the rest of the gang. And yes, even virgins can get an STD (kissing, rubbing and oral sex can cause it). Getting tested won’t keep you 100 percent safe from exposing yourself to an STD, but it makes it a lot safer. If he thinks this is weird or freaks out, he doesn’t need to have sex with you. For more STD info, check out www.cdc.gov/std.

Dear Harlan: I think I might be gay. Do I need to have a hookup with a dude to figure it out? I’ve never had a same-sex experience.— Possibly Gay

Dear Possibly Gay: Why categorize your sexual orientation? I mean, by the time you give yourself a label, there could be another label. It’s the same with gender identity. Last fall, Tinder rolled out 37 new gender identities. Some of the most interesting include agender, bigender, gender fluid, gender variant, neutrois, pangender, transfemine, transmasculine and Two-Spirit. According to a Newsweek article, Two-Spirit is a modern term used by some indigenous North Americans to describe certain spiritual people – gay, lesbian, bisexual and gender-variant individuals – in their communities. Whether you’re a homosexual, bisexual or figuring-it-out-sexual (FIOS – I made this up), all you know is that you find men attractive. What happens next is up to you. You can go out with a guy and see how it feels. The most important thing is that you take it slow and have people in your corner. When you are so unsure of your own feelings, it’s vital to have people who have gone through something similar to guide and support you.

Hooking up with a dude will just help validate that you like dudes (but you already know this). What happens after the hookup is where you need to do your planning. You want to make sure that you’re comfortable and balanced. There’s no room for secrets or shame. Figure out who you love, and always love yourself.

Dear Harlan: I’m in my mid-20s and have been friends with a guy for a couple of years. We always have been very honest with each other. He recently has started to express feelings for me. I’m not interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with him. How do I politely tell my friend who wants to have sex with me that I’m not interested? Do you have any personal experiences? – No Benefits

Dear No Benefits: I didn’t point-blank ask for sex. I’m a gentleman. I asked for a date first, then sex (just kidding). Most friends said, “No.” (not kidding). I was OK with it because I can handle rejection. I give women permission to not want me. Meaning, when a woman rejects me, I don’t hate or avoid her. I find out why and move on. I tell people the truth and expect the truth. A friend who can tell you the truth is a gift. It’s refreshing. He isn’t pressuring you. He isn’t making assumptions. He is telling you what he wants. While the question might make you uncomfortable, respect his honesty. The best response is to be kind, considerate and direct. Tell him “thank you” (no f’in way). Let him know that you appreciate his honesty (at least ask me on a date, cheap ass). Then explain how you feel (I’m no ho). Finish by reminding him how much you appreciate his friendship (thanks for being an honest horn dog, I do appreciate that). If he avoids you, the friendship is finished. If he gives you permission to reject him, not much should change.

Dear Harlan: I broke up with my boyfriend of two years a year ago. I’ve been having a hard time getting over him. Lately, I’ve been hooking up with three different guys (no sex, just making out). I’m having a hard time deciding which one to date. I’m afraid that if I pick one, I’ll have second thoughts. I like them all. Any advice? – Hooking Up

Dear Hooking Up: Three men at ALL times? How convenient for you. Whenever you feel sad, someone is there to turn you on so you can turn it off. This isn’t about picking the best man – it’s about you covering up the pain of the past. Want to figure out who is the best man? Stop hooking up with ALL of them. Experience what it’s like to be single, uncomfortable and vulnerable. Face the feelings you’re running from. Acknowledge them. Work through them. Learn from them. If you can’t be single and face them, make an appointment with a counselor or therapist.