I was skyping AH and completely freaked out. I told him I did. Put down and immediately wrapped up and went for a walk. I don’t recall ever instinctively doing the right thing in such a situation. Doing what was best for me to do.

I have never previously told someone when something was too much. After an hour I called a friend and asked her if she wanted company. Didn’t end up there although did speak to her. I’ve never asked someone to be there.

Change. Things change. Life changes. We change. Every moment is a new moment. Every moment is filled with possibility. Change. Life is hard. It’s a constant struggle. For me it is. A constant and never ending battle where things never get easier- ever. But. Change. I feel like giving up. I so often wonder why get up just to face another day of fighting and seeming failure. For today my answer is change. That nothing stays the same. However much it seems the same it is different. However much it never gets easier things do change. My moment by moment struggle hasn’t anything to do with – do I live. My fears aren’t anymore – do I join others. I’m fighting constantly but the battleground has changed. Change. My reason for today. My reason why try, why live. For it has changed. It will change. It can change.

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Trigger warning

There are posts on this blog that could be triggering. I know that I often find it triggering to read others blogs. If you find this here, please stop reading. Please take care of yourself. You’re worth it.