30 signs you’ve settled as an expat in Istanbul (Ankara)

You furnish your house entirely from an Ikea catalogue to avoid the two-tone, hard-wearing wooden Turkish furniture.You know not to plan life in advance here – the best experiences are organised last minute.Punctuality? What’s that? An hour late is fine.You accept phone calls and text messages at all hours – no problem.You don’t get out of bed before 9am, because you know not much happens before then.Your first Turkish words were,”Çok trafik ya!”You know it is possible to get motion sickness in a taxi on a straight road.You’ve learnt not to say the word, “sick” especially in a taxi.You know not to mention the social networking images called, “meme” in public (especially in a taxi).You know how to pronounce “müdürlüğu” and “ikamet” and you survived the process involving both words.100 pages to sign to open a bank account? Sure, no problem – system inefficiencies are just a part of life here.In the company of Turkish people, you hear the word “yabancı” – you know they’re probably talking about you.In an effort to practice Turkish, you’ve ordered the “sicak erkek” instead of the “sicak ekmek” at the local bakery and you’ve said “terlikler” instead of “tebrikler “ to a bride.When your friends have good news, your immediate response is, “Hayırlı olsun!”You can’t eat a meal without saying, “Afiyet olsun” at least twice.You say things like “Allah, Allah” when things get confusing, surprising or funny.That street cat on the corner, you think it’s a good idea to take it home (Allah, Allah!)You know drinking copious amounts of tea from a tulip shaped glass is important in making new friends.You’ve had at least one Turkish lover who insisted on calling you every hour to tell you they love you and miss you after one date.You know you’re having a serious relationship with a Turk when you get a personal pair of house slippers to wear at their house.Sex outdoors is now something you can only do when you visit your hometown.You’ve learnt that an Internations party is just for Turkish girls to meet Western men, Western men to meet Turkish girls, Turkish men to hit on Western girls and Western girls to drink wine.You’ve paid 30TL for a glass of Angora wine at an Internations party.You know that 30TL can buy you two bottles of Angora and a pirated DVD to watch at home.You hold onto your glass of wine in a bar because you know the waiter will take it before you have finished.You know what a twinkle is and their association to self proclaimed Indian and Middle Eastern businessmen and pilots.You’ve watched all the seasons of True Blood and Game of Thrones in three months thanks to online streaming and cheap unlimited downloads.You know who Kerim and Fatmagül are.You don’t smoke cigarettes but you’ll occasionally smoke nargile.You could add many more crazy things about Turkey to this list!Protected content