We encounter each other in words, words
spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed,
words to consider, reconsider.
--Elizabeth Alexander

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Here's the Thing

Let me explain what I learnedThrough the years of waitingThrough the hours of holding my tongueSitting across from youWatching you across a roomHanding a glass back and forth across a tableI learned that I can survive in indefinite suspenseI learned that my heart can beat faster and break simultaneouslyI learned that wanting something more than anything elseDoesn’t mean anything in the end

Let me explain what I learnedOn the day I stopped waitingWhen I finally loosed the question I held inside meSitting across from youWatching you across a roomHanding a glass back and forth across a tableI learned that I knew you as well as I thoughtI learned that my heart could break into infinitely smaller piecesI learned that letting go of something I wanted so muchWould cost almost everything in the end

Let me explain what I am learningWaiting for my heart to choose againI no longer have to hold my tongueSitting across from someone elseWatching him across a roomHanding a glass back and forth across a tableI am learning that something still holds me backI am learning that my heart is mended but it is not wholeI am learning that risking again is immeasurably more frighteningKnowing losing everything isn’t even the end