Assassin's Creed video game to become a movie you can finally just sit there and watch

Because video games have a built-in fanbase whose biggest quibble with their favorite titles is all that tiresome interactivity, there’s no more welcome announcement than a movie adaptation, which will at last allow them to sit passively watching while someone else plays it for 90 minutes. So today definitely brings good news to fans of the Assassin’s Creed franchise, which is now one step closer to becoming a film series at Sony. Akin to Eli Whitney's introduction of the cotton gin to overworked farmers, their toils will soon be at an end.

Variety reports that the studio has snapped up the rights to the sci-fi/historical epic, which concerns a modern-day bartender who’s kidnapped by a mysterious corporation and forced to relive the memories of his ancestors, members of a secret order of Assassins, and traipse through ancient time periods such as the Crusades and Renaissance. There he helps to fight evil by stabbing people in the neck, while also collecting flags and occasionally hanging out in haystacks, and then it’s back to the future, which has Kristen Bell. Clearly it’s an engrossing story—one that’s spawned three chapters so far, with a fourth edition set in Ottoman-era Constantinople due in a few weeks—and at long last you can just sit there and watch some movie stars act it out, instead of having to move little sticks and press buttons to make it happen. It’s like, they may as well give you a hammer and chisel and ask you to carve it in stone.