A rich potato family (go with me here) is watching the news. The daughter thinks the male anchor is the most handsome spud she's ever seen and declares that she wants to marry him. Her father responds, "You can't marry him! He's just a common 'tater!"

The real difference between men and women is this - if they think that a blue diamond is going to improve their luck in bed - the men think that the best course of action would be going to the pharmacy and the women think that the best course of action would be going to a jeweler*.

(I'd watched the movie with Marilyn Monroe singing "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" earlier that week........)

*the jeweler could sell them a wedding band, an egagement ring, or possibly a diamond bracelet for a wife who feels under-appreciated - although it depends on the woman - some might prefer a new top of the line sewing machine, a large gift card to a bookstore, or even season tickets to the theater with her SO going with her to dinner & a show.

You know how, when you see a bunch a of geese flying, and they're always in that V shape? Have you ever noticed that when they're in that V shape, one side of the V is always longer than the other? You wanna know why that is?

You know how, when you see a bunch a of geese flying, and they're always in that V shape? Have you ever noticed that when they're in that V shape, one side of the V is always longer than the other? You wanna know why that is?

My grandmother has mild dementia and thus tends to forget things like what she said five minutes ago. She tells this joke at least once every half hour when people are visiting. Though it must be said she tells it quite well.

A fellow had a female parrot which was always saying "I'm a bad girl, and I want to have a good time!" It was very embarrassing. One day the fellow mentioned the problem to his pastor. The pastor said, "Well, I have two male parrots, and they're always reciting prayers. Why don't you bring your parrot over for a few days? Maybe she'll pick up some prayers from my parrots." So the fellow brought his parrot over to the pastor's house. As soon as he carried her in the door, the parrot piped up, "I'm a bad girl, and I want to have a good time!" The pastor's parrots said, "Our prayers have been answered."