It’s not that he’s just not that into you—it’s that there aren’t enough of him. And the numbers prove it. Using a combination of demographics, statistics, game theory, and number-crunching, Date-onomics tells what every single, college-educated, heterosexual, looking-for-a-partner woman needs to know: The “man deficit” is real. It’s a fascinating, if sobering read, with two critical takeaways: One, it’s not you. Two, knowledge is power, so here’s what to do about it.

The shortage of college-educated men is not just a big-city phenomenon frustrating women in New York and L.A. Among young college grads, there are four eligible women for every three men nationwide. This unequal ratio explains not only why it’s so hard to find a date, but a host of social issues, from the college hookup culture to the reason Salt Lake City is becoming the breast implant capital of America. Then there’s the math that says that a woman’s good looks can keep men from approaching her—particularly if they feel the odds aren’t in their favor.

Fortunately, there are also solutions: what college to attend (any with strong sciences or math), where to hang out (in New York, try a fireman’s bar), where to live (Colorado, Seattle, “Man” Jose), and why never to shy away from giving an ultimatum.

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Editorial Reviews

From Kirkus Reviews

“The author…provides fascinating evidence to show how and why dating and mating culture in America has changed in the 21st century.”―Kirkus Review

Review

"Think Freakonomics and Moneyball if you run across Date-onomics, a by-the-numbers book on dating that argues advice-givers serving up tips for women on how to a find a man have it all wrong."—Associated Press“The author…provides fascinating evidence to show how and why dating and mating culture in America has changed in the 21st century.” —Kirkus Review"Birger offers a compelling argument backed by plentiful data... Recommended, especially for singles and those who advise them."—Library Journal“A fascinating look at romance and what’s going on with the mating rituals of homo sapiens today. This book will surprise and enlighten you.”—AJ Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Year of Living Biblically and Drop Dead Healthy“Date-onomics is the Moneyball of dating. College-educated women wanting to improve their odds in today’s wacky marriage ‘market’ will be dog-earing its pages.”—Jean Chatzky, NBC’s Today show financial editor and New York Times bestselling author“Birger offers a compelling answer to the question, ‘Where are all the good guys?’ I would have said ‘Argentina.’ But now I’m thinking of heading to Aspen. Read Date-onomicsand find out why.” —Kristin Newman, author of What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding“The modern single woman will share this book with her well-meaning friends and family who just can’t understand why she’s still single—it’s not her, it’s the date-onomics!” —Melanie Notkin, author of Savvy Auntie and Otherhood

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Date-onomics is the only dating book you’ll ever need — because science knows best! I devoured it, loved it, and would assign it at NYU if I were still teaching there. It's as enlightening as it is liberating and empowering, especially for women (though both sexes will find it fascinating). It doesn't just identify a ratio problem, it helps you to understand how that lopsided ratio transforms behavior, politics, economics, and every other aspect of culture -- and how you can make more educated life decisions as a result. I haven't highlighted this much in a long time. Should also be mandatory reading for college administrators and parents sending kids to college, as well as any women moving to places with lopsided ratios, like NYC.

This book provides an objective, fact-based analysis of (straight) dating among (mostly) college-educated Americans of various ages. The insights are both startling and extremely illuminating. The author, Jon Birger, is primarily interested in conveying information, rather than giving advice. And that is perhaps the book's greatest virtue: it remains resolutely empirical throughout and never descends into the kind of cheap dating advice and empty psychobabble that's characteristic of the genre of dating books. Birger's mission, it seems to me, is to empower people with facts so they can then make intelligent and well-informed decisions on a wide range of issues relating to sexual choices, dating, and marriage. In that, he succeeds spectacularly. I can't imagine a more useful approach to this fraught topic.

Birger has crafted a terrific - and very careful - argument that lopsided gender ratios have some explanatory power for a range of symptoms, from the hook-up culture at some colleges to the unwillingness of some men to settle into permanent relationships. Importantly, he uses hard data to craft a careful argument and doesn't purport to explain every behavior on the dating scene. The correlation of more promiscuous behavior with lopsided gender ratios isn't presented as causation, although the circumstantial and anecdotal evidence for it is quite strong. But Birger is careful to present the data and let the reader draw his or her own conclusions.

As the father of a college-age son and daughter, I read the sections on gender ratios at schools (and the college comments in the appendix) with keen interest; anecdotal evidence I've gathered from campus tours and sites like collegeprowler.com confirm his insights. I know more than one parent who has changed the focus of the college search for their son or daughter as the result of reading this book! And the book is filled with intriguing insights that bolster his general conclusion; I found the chapters on Mormons and Orthodox Jews particularly fascinating.

A number of reviewers (in the media, not here on Amazon) have taken umbrage with Birger's conclusion that "women need to change what makes them happy in order to find a mate"; unfortunately for them, that straw man is not his conclusion at all, as he takes pains to say more than once. He presents the facts to allow college-educated women -- or men -- to make informed choices about where they might have a statistically higher likelihood of finding a mate if that's what they want. He does not make any value judgments about those choices, except to say that if finding a mate is important to someone, they can use his research and conclusions to make an informed choice about where to live, for example.

As for his prescription of more "mixed-collar" marriages, self-segregation among college-educated adults often makes it a difficult strategy to execute; I expect more people will move than date or marry across educational backgrounds. I don't know if tha​t's a good thing or bad, but in my experience college grads are more likely to move than to date someone without a college degree.

Birger has provided an important addition, grounded in empirical evidence and close research, to the mass of books and articles on dating. The book is a fairly easy read as well. Whether or not you have a background in statistics Birger makes the concepts come alive in easy-to-understand prose and examples. Whether you're the parent of a high schooler getting ready for college, a recent college grad looking for a mate, or anyone with an interest in these topics, Date-onomics will be a great addition to your library. Highly recommended.

As both a huge demographics nerd and single women living in DC I found this book to be a delight. Anecdotally I had heard stories that my friends found it easier to date in the Bay Area, and harder in New York - it was great to see the data back this up.

Also as a person who always works harder than I should at playing hard to get - the game theory chapter provided a different way of thinking.

There are plenty of books on marriage and dating with primary focus on how economic and social trends impact the marriage market. Jon Birger takes a slightly different angle at the issue, looking at male/female rations and how these affect men and women's behavior.

If I were between the ages of 21 and 41, and if I were single and "looking," I would find this book essential. We forget how important it is to know something about the area where we live. The saying goes "there are lots of fish in the sea" meaning if you don't like the person you are with, you can meet someone else, but what if that were wrong? So I gave copies of this book to two of my daughters (in their 20's) and it opened their eyes. Only issue with this book is it spends too much time on NYC and NYC area. There is a whole country out there! No mention of Chicago (or very little). So it's OK to give the reader "the concept" but no good for knowing what cities are case-by-case. Also, this may not be PC to point out, but some cities like Chicago or Cleveland have very big African-American communities, and those numbers can give false results. We all know there is not much dating across the racial lines. Also it might be better to treat the AA community as a stand-alone community and look at their situation. So this book is useful, but needs to be redone to up the scope and depth.