Category: Gay

I’ll admit that I get frustrated when a video game offers a lesbian option for your protagonist but not a gay one. (And, for the sake of this write-up, “gay” and “lesbian” are two sides of the same coin, divided by gender).

I was thinking of this because of the Mass Effect discussions, one of the classic rebuttals of which is “It’s not a lesbian relationship, that’s a blue alien in whose species only one gender exists”. Well, if it looks like a blue woman, talks like a blue woman, and copulates like a blue woman … for all intents and purposes, it’s a woman. Who is blue. I did read a good argument about this, though:

Shamus has put me in the mind of the past with his talk of Mass Effect and its HARDCORE NONEXISTENT SEX. I know that this post doesn’t exist (this one does), but it’s like a time capsule for me. This is another one of those instances where I fail pretty spectacularly to talk about video games, movies or pop culture, so you’ll have to forgive me.Penny Arcade has also covered the ground, but not entirely accurately: like a great many Rightist sites, Town Hall likes to take their shots where it hurts – the gays. You can go to a great many of these sites and see, apropos of nothing, lists of reasons why gay people are awful and must be stopped.

On the weekend, I made only my third pilgrimage to Oxford Street and the Midnight Shift. Along the way, I saw someone I recognised through work, wearing checked pants and a sort of emo style of makeup – he gave me a look of joyful recognition, but I can’t for the life of me remember where he works.
This much exposure to the buzzing scene of which I will only ever be an observer has obviously rendered me an expert, and I can share my findings with you. Forewarned, as they say, is forearmed (Rob Liefield flashback!).

Even if the crowd hates the song that is playing, the individual members will almost certainly have their own specific moves for that song mapped out.

For example, when Madonna’s “Sorry” played on Friday, one of my friends booed … and then launched into his own routine. This also proves that not everyone loves Madonna.

Songs that suck or you never pay attention to are magically transformed by the atmosphere.

Gwen Stefani’s “What you waiting for” and, presumably, her entire bizarre Japanophile/Alice in Wonderland fusion oeuvre, are the most meaningful pieces of musical entertainment in human history. The works of the Pussycat Dolls are rendered into epic tales of desire. “Push Up” is … okay, it’s not that great. Fine. And Bob Sinclair is still pretty repetitive dependent on the song. But on the plus side, the audiences are totally oblivious to the objectification and exploitation of women prevalent in the music videos projected on the walls (besides which, the worst culprits are the kinds of music that would never seek play in such establishments).

Take your friends or get eaten alive.

One of the hazards of the scene is Creepy Old Men. It’s not so much an age as it is a state of mind, but they’re really scary and they will try to ingratiate themselves with you. Fortunately if you have friends, they can close the circle. Creepy Old Men aren’t exactly stupid, however, and they can grow abusive when they realise you’re ignoring them – even if they’re not quite clever enough to also realise that they are the reason you have ceased all movement and would be praying for the sweet release of death were it not for the fear that they would manhandle your rapidly decaying corpse.

Some people will feel compelled to remove their shirts.

These people are frequently the kind that you emphatically do not want to see shirtless. See also: Creepy Old Men.

Drag performers are extremely tall, even without heels, and have been known to use shorter people’s shoulders as arm rests.

Okay, maybe that one was just me.

Even if your friends are on the verge of drunkenness and are totally ready to go home, “You Can’t Stop The Beat” will give them a second wind and send them running for the dance floor.

This one is emphatically, if perhaps specifically, true.

What the fuck.

Two weeks ago, a more regular (and legitimate) veteran than myself was hugged by multiple strangers who commended his bravery in wearing glasses.

Next Time: Tropical fish in a bar: what’s up with that? Plus! With smoking banned inside all pubs, clubs and bars, where am I going to get my cancer from?

Disclaimers: Some of the music that is played is indeed valid outside of the context of the clubs; not all Old Men are Creepy; it’s inconceivable that all people think of glasses as an impediment.

I’m not surprised that Dumbledore’s outing has caused trouble. That doesn’t mean that a lot of the stuff that is said isn’t wrong or stupid. I’m starting to feel the helplessness and despair that I felt for many months earlier in this year, reading peoples’ uninformed stances on things that they know nothing about and generally don’t let themselves be heard on.

But, you know, it’s Dumbledore. I’ve got to be very careful because I don’t want to set myself up as some sort of Leftist, when Batrock is supposed to be all about good times. I mean, my existence is probably too politically correct for a lot of people already.

You know, I was wondering why no one at Hogwarts “turned out” gay. Sure, maybe Dean and Seamus, but not likely. The later books degenerated into an awkward “snogfest”, but all totally above board on the hetero front. When it eventuated that Umbridge had banned male and female students to be less than eight inches apart, I wondered what that meant for the others at Hogwarts. Yet now, all has changed in a way that affects absolutely nothing already committed to a page!Albus Dumbledore is gay. Guess I was wrong: he isn’t human after all; he’s a horrible monster and the books that contain him must for some reason be consigned to the bin.

I would have thought that maybe Dumbledore could have found some sort of requited love in his life, but it seems this only came out anyway because the script for Half Blood Prince suggested that he had a thing for a girl in his youth. Given the totally sexless nature of all of the teachers at Hogwarts, it’s strange to consider this of Dumbledore, and it brings out another parallel with Snape, although I vouch that Dumbledore’s lack of requisition was infinitely less creepy. I’m not entirely certain that blind love for someone leads to a taste for slavery and genocide, but what would I know? I’ve never been blindly in love with someone, and therefore have not been offered the oh-so-common choices detailed above.

What does this mean, exactly? I’m not entirely sure, although unfulfilled homosexuals seem quite popular in British literature. Some people have happy endings. I’m looking at you, Alan Hollinghurst! I’m actually wondering what the wider response to this will be: redoubled efforts to burn the text? Widespread shock and horror? Or greater peace, love, and understanding? Not ruddy likely, but I think that Potter fans will applaud just about anything Rowling says.

There’s a hastily typed transcript of some pertinent questions and answers at The Leaky Cauldron. The images were done by someone called Caladan. I could have searched further afield for Harry Potter fan art than a Google Image Search, but I know how dangerous the internet is.

Plus Rowling’s answer about the goat charms was spot on.

Bonus material: I compared my coming out with a lacklustre conclusion to the Potter series.

Batrock.net is not normally a “personal” blog (and I secretly hate that word), although one would hope that you get the “flavour of Alex” from the consumption of its words. The following subject perhaps doesn’t make good reading, but I feel it is important.

The thing is, my story is like a hugely anti-climactic epic. It’s as if Harry Potter had ended with Harry confronting Voldemort, who threw up his hands and went quietly, renouncing his evil ways and helping to rebuild society. Despite this, it’s kind of a huge event in my life.