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[Guide] How to BD like a BAD - Wuju Style

Greetings fellow Summoners! Some of you may remember me from the other time when I tried to teach people how to play a support Leona (shameless plug, here is the link)

http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=991561

and how to play for your team and all that jazz.

Pfft. Playing for the team is for losers! Today I will impart to you vital life-changing skills on how to BD (backdoor) like a BADass (Being a D0uche), using the only champion you should be BDing with, Master Yi. If you want to BD with other champs, go ahead. Your moms will be disappointed with you, that's all.

Being a BDer

Start off by hating everyone in LOL. Seriously. When you play hardcore BD, you don't care what anyone thinks, irregardless of whether they are on your team or not. You are here to do your own thang, crush towers, win games, and make out with everyone's spouse (either male/female will do). You will get people screaming at you all game, but you've mastered the art of the ignore command, so that is all good.

The great thing about being a great BDer is that you could play like **** and come out smelling like roses. BDing requires zero skill and the ability to read a map. Oh yeah, and you need to be able to click stuff. If you can't click, sorry, can't help you there bud. Otherwise, if you are in possession of your opposable thumbs, it is time to move on to...

The tiny bit of armor pen and flat armor is to help out with jungling. Every other rune is for I DON'T CARE I WANT TO DESTROY ALL YOUR TURRETS IN 5 SECONDS. You don't need sissy stuff like magic resist. That is for try-hard losers that want to play like normal people. Pfft.

Do I need to explain this? You just want to KILL KILL KILL stuff, and the utility (don't be deceived! You are not going to be a 'utility' to your team) points are because you will be spending most of your times 'jungling', whatever that means. All that really matters is that is that they don't know where you are at all times till BOOM! Turret down and rage ensues.

Note: I am not personally responsible for all the head erupting blood pressures that will unfold once you play like this. That is for your conscience alone, which I suggest you aggressively muffle to sleep before adopting this style.

Q - Alpha Strike.
Master Yi leaps across the battlefield striking up to 4 enemies, dealing magic damage to each enemy with a chance to deal 400 bonus magic damage to minions.
Range to first target: 600
Cost: 80 / 90 / 100 / 110 / 120 mana
Cooldown: 18 / 16 / 14 / 12 / 10 seconds
Magic Damage: 100 / 150 / 200 / 250 / 300 (+1.0 per ability power)
Bonus Damage Chance: 20 / 30 / 40 / 50 / 60 %
My take: Money-maker. This lets you clean up both jungles asap, kill off all your allies' farm, and helps you ks like a mofo. Also, you use this all the time to run away from teamfights, and sometimes... you use it to help get to a teamfight. WTF ARE YOU DOING HELPING YOUR TEAM OUT???

W - Meditate.
Master Yi channels, restoring health over 5 seconds. While channeling, Master Yi gains armor and magic resistance.
Cooldown: 35 seconds
Cost: 70 / 85 / 100 / 115 / 130 mana
Heal Per Second: 28 / 56 / 84 / 112 / 140 (+0.33 per ability power)
Armor & Magic Resistance: 100 / 150 / 200 / 250 / 300
My take: Waste of points. If you maxed out everything else and still decide to not put a single point in this at level 18, more power to you mon. This makes you stand still like a wuss and comtemplate the universe, its innate beauty, and the awe and respect you have for all life. Yeah, right, I'll get right onto that after I've cured cancer and established world peace. WTF ARE YOU DOING PUTTING POINTS IN THIS???

E - Wuju Style.
Master Yi can activate this ability to double its effectiveness for 10 seconds, but this removes the passive bonus until Wuju Style becomes available again.
Cost: 40 mana
Cooldown: 25 seconds
Bonus Attack Damage: 15 / 20 / 25 / 30 / 35
My take: Gives you more killing power. Use it when you're bored, or when you want to kill stuff faster, I'll leave it up to you. Do note that when Highlander refreshes your skills, this will actually stack with the active bonus, so wait for that bonus to go away before activating it again.

R - Highlander
Increases Master Yi's movement speed by 40% and attack speed for a few seconds, as well as making him immune to any slow effects. Additionally, killing a champion during the duration will refresh all of Master Yi's ability cooldowns, while assists will refresh them by half.
Cost: 120 mana
Cooldown: 75 seconds
Attack Speed: 40 / 60 / 80 %
Duration: 6 / 9 / 12 seconds
My take: This skill should tell you everything you need to know about being a BDer. 'There can only be one' player in all of LoL! Everyone else is like a bot minion, insignificant and unworthy of your awesome attention. This lets you kill stuff faster, run away faster, alpha strike twice (woot?), and make everyone on the enemy team HATE YOUR LIFE. Save it more for running than for killing turrets, unless you are 110% sure that they won't come to kill you, or are miles away cowering from your total annihilation of their base as your very name sends shivers down their spines and simultaneously gives them all b0ners.

Skill leveling order:

Q > E > Q > E > Q > R > Q > E > Q > E > R > E > > > > R > >

You should be skipping that worthless Meditate even if you have points to spare. If you really want healing, go make love to a Soraka or Sona or Taric (truly outrageous!). Else, man up or shut up!

Summoners

Smite - You need this cause in the beginning you can't one-shot stuff in jungle. This is your crutch for the early levels.... noob.

The next one is up to you. If you want to:

Run circles round all the enemy chasers - Ghost/Flash
Push top and bot towers AT THE SAME TIME - Teleport
Laugh in all-chat when they send only one person to stop you - Exhaust

Item Build

Start off with 1 x Cloth Armor and 5 x Health Potion. The order of build should be:

Most games should end shortly after you finish IE. QSS and BV is to stop them from catching you (QSS if they have try-hard catchers with suppress like WW or Malz). You could also run 2 Phantom Dancers with Boots of Mobility (dropping IE) for crazy stress- inducing run arounds. Lets you troll (Truly Roll Over Laughing Loudly) harder. Experiment!

You ask, why no durability? Well, duh, if you are in teamfights, you are playing it wrong! The only thing that should be hitting you is... nothing, cause you are BDing with minions. Let the lesser members of your team worry about such mundane issues.

Jungling

I'm not gonna bother teaching you this. I'm here to tell how you how to BD, not kill neutral monsters! If you are having problems (noob), there are jungling guides out there already (go read!). Just make sure that you practice in bot games first before you embarass yourself in front of a real crowd. After all, they can't HATE YOUR LIFE if they are LOLing at you now, can they?

Being A Sociopath

Rule #1: You don't care about anyone else.

But first, you need to lie. To be truly effective, an early Blue Buff will help you out loads in jungling. So, pucker up your lips and do some ass-kissing to your team in the beginning. Compliment their dog, their hair, tell them they've lost weight (or gained it for Sumo wrestlers). Tell them how wonderful they smell, and how much brighter the world is for their very presence. This will encourage them to help you beat up the Blue Golem in a fair and honest 1 v 5 fight.

Once they have helped you to get Blue, you are now FREE OF THEM DEADWEIGHTS! Feel free to say 'unkind' (aka frank) things from here on out.

You can help gank lanes during the early phases of the game, and if you do, do your best to ks them, even if you have to flash for that last hit that Ashe was going to get. Don't forget that other members are millstones around your neck. You need all the cash you can get to win the game sans them. Remember to alpha strike all their minions before you head back into the jungle like a good BD Yi. They may hate you for it, but in the long run, YOU know what's best for them, you kind and loving parent.

Rule #2: Avoid teamfights.

Teamfights are great in the sense that they provide a distraction. You don't care which side wins. All you need to know is that the enemy team is locked up somewhere, which lets YOU get on to the important business of BDing. You should BD a far away tower, steal a dragon, or kill their base. Any option is good. Do keep track on the mini-map to make sure that the enemy team is all there. If you notice anyone breaking off to come and stop you, time yourself and give yourself ample chance to get away. If they send someone who is of zero threat (like a Soraka huehuehue), kill him/her and carry on BD. If it is someone with only slows, you can destroy your objective and Highlander away. The only worry you have is when they send a burst stunner (like Annie/Sion) or they send multiple people to cut you off. In those cases, plan your escape and skat.

Rule #3: Make them MAD (Morally Adjusted Dementia).

All-chat is your best friend. Whenever you successfully do anything (like kill a tower or one of their champs), TALK ABOUT IT. Preferably in a light-hearted but utterly demeaning way. Something about their up-bringing, nerdom status, virginity, basements, and life-choices are all good examples. The more utterly inappropriate the thing, the better. A good meter is: Am I ever likely to actually say something like this to someone IRL? If you can actually say something like that to someone IRL, then it is obviously not demeaning/disgusting enough. You need to make sure that every statement that you type out for people's viewing pleasure is so incredibly horrifying that people would shoot you IRL when you say it to their faces. That is about the level you are aiming for.

Done correctly, it would begin a self-destructive cycle amongst themselves, where they will actually keep that perpetual machine of insults and raging without your further input. This is apparent when they start insulting their own teammates in all-chat. Encourage this further with your own witty repartee and let them burn themselves out. Proceed with free ELO and hot chocolate. And remember to stroke your bald Siamese cat.

Smarter than the Average Noob

What happens if they are actually a group of girl Scouts who sing Kumbaya around a campfire daily and you can't break that lovey-dovey togetherness that they all share? What if they group up, refuse to split, and start to push down into your base even with your best verbal work being thrown at them? Or they start waiting for your team in base as 5 and ace you guys before they push?

Never give up, never surrender.

Just BD them harder. When BD fails, just BD more. That is the true spirit of the BD style. Now your team may start raging at you, but to your black and evil heart, that only invigorates you. In fact, you actually wish that they had mikes and you were all in Ventrilo so you could enjoy their screams of anguish even more. Either way, it's win-win for you. Proceed to next game with same battle-plan. Stroke your cat again, FTW.

Final Words

If you already play like that, you're a T.U.R.D. (Triumphant Unilateral Radical Dude). Congrats!

If you are planning to play like that after you've read this, you're a P.I.G. (Perfectly Intelligent Gentleman) Well done!

If you actually learnt how to stop BD after you've read this, then you have achieved my secret objective! Viva la you!

Entertaining to read this "Do not level up meditate even if you have spare points left" Ofcourse we ignore that it gives a HUGE amount of armor and MR so you can outlast a nuke, or so you can heal from an ignite.