The Time Machine ‘Jikan Ryokō’ Is Ready

You might’ve heard of the diverse cross-disciplinary research team, OXO, based in Osaka, Japan, although you’d be forgiven if you haven’t, since their clandestine government-funded operations have largely been kept from the public eye – and for good reason! Also, it should be noted that when we say ‘based’ in Osaka, what we really mean is they’ve been living inside a 100km long metallic cylinder, expanded using the remnants of unused subway tunnels, beneath the city. Within this cylinder, affectionately named ‘The Labyrinth’, there are enough densely packed energy waves to mimic the mass of the sun. The cylinder, controlled via an above ground operating centre, is then made to spin at an increasing speed, breaking the dimensional fabric of space and time, thereby creating a wash of gravity waves emitted from the structure.

What OXO have been doing this past decade is potentially ground-breaking research into Astral Projection, whilst living inside this experimental facility and rarely seeing the light of day. But what exactly have they be working on, you ask? Well, for lack of a better designation, they’ve been perfecting the long coveted art of ‘Time Travel’. And, you’ll be happy to hear, they seem to be making some progress. In fact, it’s just been announced that the blueprints (pictured above) for the Jikan Ryokō, heralded as ‘the first working time machine’, have finally been approved by OXO’s creditors, the regulative body LHC, which is overseeing their research.

“Although you won’t physically be transported back in time,” said Professor Tony Yusuke, “The generated force takes the body along with the spin and sparks those firing motor neurone signals sent to the brain from receptors. As a result we can gain entry into congenital memories in order to reclaim hitherto inaccessible areas of the prefrontal cortex.”

By stepping inside ‘The Labyrinth’ and being strapped onto the cylinder as in spins into motion, the participant is, theoretically, able to experience a sudden release of combined serotonin and melatonin, similar to the effects of N-Dimethyltryptamine, or ‘DMT’, which is a psychedelic compound related to intense psychedelic trips. Essentially this accelerated mode of imagination can warp the fabric of space and time, vividly transporting you back to an old plain of cognitive function.

“Just don’t expect to find yourself in a Cretaceous Rainforest looking up at the sharp grin of a Tyrannosaurus Rex,” Professor Yusuke added, “At least in that regard we’re able to ensure you won’t be suddenly disappointed when we go to human trials.”