Welcome to my home in blogland. Here, I strive to make you laugh like never before, cry warmhearted tears, get silly, and be naughty. Together, we'll uncover sweet morsels in the light and dark. You'll leave craving chocolate. That's a given. I'm a bad influence. Oy vey, am I a bad influence! {But I do recommend fair trade and organic varieties.} Please enjoy the samples, and may you fast become addicted. You're most welcome to return.

My Story, Yours Too.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #14-19

I don’t mean to be completely deceitful, only partially. Thus, I superimposed my face onto Sandra Bullock’s body, when she and Betty White share a moment. Note: I look happy about this rather celibate gesture. Betty does not.
Enough banter, onto more serious matters. No, no, don't go over to someone else's blog. Please, stay here and enjoy my reasons #14-19 for choosing a celibate existence. Taken directly from internet dating ads, I hereby further justify this upstanding choice.

REASON #14: I look better in personAnd do you have a more appealing sales pitch in person too, dude? On second thought, relax. Don’t worry about it. With this headline, you won't get a date.
REASON #15: my job: union: Iron Worker Local #378 Oakland Steel ErectionNow, is it my dirty mind (The celibacy track does mess with my brain.), or is this man rather arrogant about his sexual prowess?
REASON #16: Enough about you. Let's talk about me!Enough about you!REASON #17:NOT LOOKING TA TELL MY LIFE STORY HERE.IT WOULD TAKE ALL DAY I AM AN ON HERE. Yeah, I got that much, buddy.What else are you on? I AM AN OVER THE ROAD TRUCKER! I imagine that’s a bit easier than being an under the road trucker or an over the hill driver! CAN YA DEAL WITH THAT? COAST TA COST IS WHAT I DO. NOT WHAT I WANT BUT ITS WHAT I DO SO IF YA WANNA KNOW MORE LET ME KMNOWWhat I would like to kmnow is: How ta do a coast ta cost, and do ya do this over or under ta road? Can ya tell me how much it costs? Is it cheaper ta coast all the way? Let me kmnow.
REASON #18: Looking for some real people no fake assWell, look no further, dude. See photo. Note: That ass can’t possibly be fake. Just ask Betty.REASON #19: I LIKE WOMEN WITH FEW EXTRA POUNDS NICE BUTTS & THIGHS BEAUTIFUL SMILES AND NICE PERSONELITIES. I almost qualifiy, but I can’t find my nice personelities. I’ll have to check with Human Resources. AND FOR MYSELF I AM HARD WORKER ,WITTY, DOWN TO EARTH GUY NONE DRINKER None?Must be hard to stay hydrated. OR SMOKER I LIKE WORKING OUTDOORS, LOVE ANIMALS TOO I’d hate to find out more about your love for animals.

21 comments:

You always crack me up, girl!!Did I ever tell you about my fave guy to hit on me the minute I joined an online dating site after my divorce? His profile was something like "Well, I'm outta jail after beatin my baby mama, but i learneded my lessin and i better now"

I love the crappy photoshop that you do on these pictures. I can barely tell it's not you. I was feeling all melancholy about being alone all week until I woke up today and realized I could do what I wanted, didn't have to talk to anyone if I didn't want to, could hide in the bushes to harass the paperboy without being told that I should come inside because it look 'weird', could make enough food for two and still have yummy leftovers leftover in the fridge. Sometimes relationships and people are very overrated. I almost had wings and some drinks with a follower who lives in my same city but they never got back to me and I was relieved.

hahaha - thats gold Robyn... tell me what this dating site is.. I'll be sure to stay well clear.. seriously, what are these guys thinking? my guess is that they don't..too much cost to cost drieving... lolz