Month: March 2011

These are my notes from the presentation “Helping Children Deal with Anger” by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller at the 2011 Children’s Pastors Conference in San Diego, California on March 16, 2011. (I listened to an audio recording of this session today with my wife, who attended the conference in person.) Among others their websites include:

The session description was: “Many parents get sucked into the anger episodes of their kids. In this practical breakout you will not only learn ways to help children deal with their anger, but you will help parents know how to help their kids as well. Both frustration anger and hurt anger are addressed.”

Steps to deal with anger: 1- identify early warning signs (triggers) 2- stop signs: settle down and pull back 3- Choose a different response (people get angry when they don’t have a plan)

Options to acting out in anger 1- talk about it 2- get some help (being able to ask for help is a very adult skill) 3- slow down and persevere (may require adjusting some expectations first)

Frustration can be a great teacher, but you need to help students get a plan together Frustration anger is different than hurt anger – pain and stress happen in our lives, so we need to equip children to deal with hurt in life – sometimes these are real hurts, other times perceived hurts

Anger is a response to hurt or frustration that leads to bitterness – can lead to a rut, lifestyle and routine – developing lifestyle choices is key

It’s not enough to be right, it is also important to be wise

When we are hurt we need to process it in our lives

Sorrow is a better response to hurt than anger – we all need to know how to be comforted (that does not mean just eating more or playing more video games)

2 Corith 1:3-5 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+1%3A3-5&version=NIV

Anger hardens the heart

Sorrow/sadness response keeps our hearts soft

“There is another choice other than anger, it is sorrow.”

Hurting people can hurt other people: That is not an acceptable response

Listening without even saying anything can be important

You earn the right to speak by listening, especially from a child who has been hurt

Modeling a sorrow response instead of an anger response is very important too

An anger problem is a heart problem – you can’t just focus on behavior modification

This is one part of a four part/hour workshop – living within boundaries – accepting no for an answer – more…