My response to “Ode to Nice Guys”

Hey, thanks for the toast. I think that I do qualify as a “nice guy”, even though I play Falcon 4.0 Allied Force instead of GTA3 and that I’ve never spread rumors before, only facts, and never bad ones. My girl friends have never been drunk around me before and have never flirted shamelessly with me only because they don’t have a date; I think they’re better than that. At least, I hope they are. Anyways, once upon a time (maybe a few months ago) I would’ve applauded after I read this. But you’ve got it all wrong man.

I don’t claim to be an expert on women… they’re more confusing than calculus problems. But the problem with nice guys… is that being too nice is a huge turn off. This is something I’m almost positive about. Do you put women on pedestals? Why do you always go out of your way to help her out? Last time I checked, you’re not her lapdog. No, you shouldn’t be her lapdog. It makes you look weak. Sure, some women want a nice guy, but it doesn’t mean she wants someone who will just bend over whenever he sees her. The opposite sex wants confidence. Come to think of it, I think you do, too. Why else are you being so nice to assholes? And would you honestly like a girl who is always doing things for you, like doing your homework, making your lunch, kissing the ground you walk on?

Yeah man, there’s definitely nothing wrong with escorting her home after she’s had a bit too much to drink. And you better not take advantage of her after she’s passed out. You should play by the rules of this unfair game. But you don’t have to be a doormat! Especially not to this kind of a girl you gave as an example. A girl that leaves you out to dry definitely doesn’t deserve your kindness. Treat her as if you have a life. This means that once in awhile, tell her you can’t be her guy buffer tonight because you have friends to hang out with. You remember them right? Don’t lose track of them over this one girl.

Here’s something else that bugs me. It says, “Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as…’no, it would ruin our friendship.'” Now think about that. Every once in awhile, you’re nice to the right girl. She doesn’t shamelessly take advantage of you 26 hours a day. You guys hang out all the time as equals. You have an awesome friendship, and you– ah, wait. There it is. Can you blame her for not wanting to ruin a good thing… for the both of you? If she wants to take it to the next level man, then I say go for it!! But if she doesn’t, find someone else.

So yeah, one can be a nice guy and also be what the girl of your dreams wants. Don’t be a pushover. Don’t be a doormat. Don’t let the desire to please ooze out of every little pore of your body. Stand up straight, keep your chin up. Reinvent yourself. But don’t change the morally good part of you, or else you won’t be in our club anymore right? Damn it’s a sad club. Also make sure you stop looking for “that girl” or else you’ll never find her. That’s why I’ve stopped looking for Emma Watson.