Brief Memoir of a Blender

I am an aging multicultural blender. My glass bowl came from the Philippines, my practical plastic lid was imported from Mexico, my snappy blades were sharpened somewhere in the USA, and all my parts came together in China. My birth certificate (they call it ‘registration’) says Florida. Go figure.

Since I was purchased by my owner in Miami in 2003, I flew north in a suitcase and have lived my life as an expat in Canada—in Port Hope, Ontario to be exact. It’s been a sheltered life, living as I have in the same corner of the same kitchen of this same old house day in day out, all these years.

Sheltered, but not dull. I’ve done what I was born to do. Fulfilled my destiny, you could say. Pink smoothies, green smoothies, yellow smoothies … with or without walnuts, sunflower seeds, or almonds. And soups! Many the soups I’ve whirred into silky spoonable easy-on-the-teeth bowls of goodness. Butternut squash soup, cucumber soup … and my favourite: potato-leek.

I almost died last month. My life of service almost ended when my Dear Owner (Dee) added a teaspoonful of honey to the mango smoothie, and hit the go button without removing the spoon. Idiot! The noise was frightful. I struggled for a few seconds and was ready to give up the ghost when, at my last gasp, Dee punched the stop button. In spite of her panic, she’d had the sang-froid to stop the accident in its deadly tracks before … well, you know.

The damage was severe. My fine blades were totalled, and the central part that held them in place was ruptured beyond repair. Would I wind up (before my time) as junk in the dump?

To my surprise and everlasting gratitude, Dee took me to the local fixit clinic on Mill Street. Here, a bearded wonder had seen this kind of case before, and sent out a request for a new part, the heart of the matter. It arrived in a well-padded box and in no time Ed—for that was his name—performed a magic transplant and had me ticking like new … for a fraction of the cost a younger model would have been. My 2016 blades, oh, they were cutting edge. I began pumping out smoothies like there was a tomorrow. Boy, I hadn’t felt this good in a long time…

I recommend this shelf-life saving procedure to all who are concerned about

saving money

resuscitating aging electric tools

protecting the environment of our one and only Planet Earth.

Much obliged,

Blender

P.S. Dee has promised to be more attentive to Blender’s needs in future. They are looking forward to many more years together.

Glad you got a kick out of it. We once had a blender on a boat that fit on the nut of the engine’s flywheel… until one day I took my hand off the handle for a second and it flew off into the harbor. We searched and searched and never did find it in the silty bottom of the marina.

Recommendation

“In The Gift of Memoir, Diane Taylor has captured the magic of memoir. I have read several books on writing memoirs and, for me, she has exemplified the emotion of purpose and practice better than anything I have encountered.”