Ever since I’ve become a semi-functioning adult, the holidays have really lost their pizazz. I typically enjoy having a few days off from work, but during the Christmas season, those days are chock full of mandatory get-togethers, starring a cast of characters that isn’t particularly fond of my opinions. And they won’t rest until I change those opinions to agree with theirs.

So, whenever the calendar crosses into December, I start to get a little twitchy.

But I’m a huge nerd. And during the holidays, those geeky predilections act like a buffer. They allow me to escape, if only for a few minutes, into an alternate reality where grandpa isn’t outraged by the length of my hair and Aunt Ruth isn’t trying to convince me that Pat Robertson has some really good ideas.

This year, my alternate reality is cleverly disguised as a cell phone. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been pulling together a cash of Christmas-themed chiptunes. So, when the party takes a tyrannical turn, I can excuse myself for a few, pop on a pair of headphones, and thrown down some festive, holiday jams. Hopefully, this will allow me to stay upbeat and holiday-focused.

But, it would be rude to keep this playlist to myself. After all, I’m sure there are other nerds who need an escape from their relatives. So, Merry Christmas, and good luck out there.

]]>http://geekparty.com/ten-chiptune-christmas-songs-for-your-holiday-playlist/feed/0Top Twosday: Comic Book Fattieshttp://geekparty.com/top-twosday-comic-book-fatties/
http://geekparty.com/top-twosday-comic-book-fatties/#respondWed, 16 Dec 2015 06:17:56 +0000http://geekparty.com/?p=32492Fatties have it rough in comic books. There’s never been a lot of them, and the few there are usually tend to be joke characters or strength-themed villains on a team or something. DC used to have Amanda Waller, a bad-ass fatty who talked shit to Batman and ran the world, but they decided to make her a smokin’ hotty for their New 52 initiative.

In honor of Fat Waller’s death, I bring you two of the best, most underrated fatties in comics history.

#1 Chunk (Wally West-Era Flash)

Chester P. Runk was a big fat scientist with a boatload of social disorders who fucked up one of his experiments and got a matter transmitter stuck in his stomach, turning him into a kind of walking black hole. From then on he needed to eat precious metals to keep himself from imploding and getting trapped in the pocket universe that formed in his tummy. So he called himself “Chunk,” went out into Central City, and started robbing banks for their tasty jewels and sending bullies to his belly dimension.

How fucking great is that?!

Chunk had a whole redemption arc in The Flash, where Wally West helped him get his powers under control, reform his criminal ways, and start eating garbage instead of diamonds, just like a real hero. He hasn’t been seen since.

#2 Big Bertha (Great-Lakes Avengers)

Big Bertha is a mutant–or maybe an “Inhuman” these days, who knows/cares–fatty in the often overlooked spin-off team, the Great Lakes Avengers. Technically she’s not a pure fat, because when she’s not using her mutant gifts, she looks like a straight up super model. But when she wants to get serious about shit and start punching on guys with names like “Unus the Untouchable” and “Batroc the Leaper,” she turns into a big ol’ behemoth.

With her increase in size and cholesterol comes a surge of strength, endurance, and, I imagine, an unquenchable desire for Baconators. Like all fat people in Marvel, she is not allowed on any non-joke Avengers teams or comics.

In a throwback to shows of yore, Gordy downs a few Red Alerts(tm) and tells Justin all about one single comic. He manages to recall countless minute details, none of which help anyone to understand one thing about the plot or basic story elements. It’s dense, like a nice, thick cream. But if you’re as big a fan of fantasy tropes as G & J are, you might wanna grab your own proprietary beverage and give it a listen.

]]>http://geekparty.com/gordy-tells-justin-comics-ashcan-03-prophecy-boy-hes-a-power-man/feed/0Top Twosday: StarCraft Unitshttp://geekparty.com/top-twosday-starcraft-units/
http://geekparty.com/top-twosday-starcraft-units/#respondTue, 24 Nov 2015 23:10:01 +0000http://geekparty.com/?p=32462StarCraft II’s third and final expansion, the title of which is probably something like “Prophecy of the Gigamind,” has taken the world by storm. How am I supposed to know what it’s called? I’m too busy playing it!

I’m also busy selecting the top two units in the history of the series. I’ve run the numbers, consulted the experts, and hacked the Gibson. Now, I share with you the results of my research.

#1 Dark Templar (Protoss)

Nothing comes from the shadows like a Dark Templar. Zeratul?! I mean forget about it. Their superior stealth and zany brain-powers make Predators look like a bunch of snoozy duds. Dark Templars just grip it and rip it, 24/7. They don’t even have time to slow down and sew up those little capes of theirs. How could they, anyway?! Too hard to see in the shadows! I dare you to talk shit about their scrappy little capes.

No? That’s what I thought.

#2 S.C.V. (Terran)

Yeah, you read that right! These poor fuckers have it rough out there, and they never really get their due. They’re the only units you can really tell are affected by this constant war. They’re exhausted, jumpy, and can occasionally lash out at you for no reason. Plus, they smoke ciggs non-stop, which also means they’re cool. They’d probably have night terrors if we ever let them sleep. They’re like the Amazon warehouse guys of space.

We salute you, the common man.

Disagree? Don’t you dare! Who could possibly deserve this honor more?!

]]>http://geekparty.com/top-twosday-starcraft-units/feed/0GeekParty Live’s Weekly Game Show Returns!http://geekparty.com/geekparty-live-weekly-game-show-returns/
http://geekparty.com/geekparty-live-weekly-game-show-returns/#respondMon, 23 Nov 2015 01:31:50 +0000http://geekparty.com/?p=32455After last week’s unexpected and unexplained absence, you may have lost hope, but fear not! GeekParty Live’s Weekly Game Show isn’t going anywhere, and we’re back with another episode featuring the delightful Quiplash XL.

Here are some nuggets you can expect to find in this week’s episode:

An education on the finer points of pronouncing Wile. E. Coyote’s name.

Good ol’ censorship, 1984-style.

Animals thinking they are people.

A distinct drop in the odd “keyboard typing” sounds that have pervaded past broadcasts.

And me, always doing my best to appear to be doing my best.

Don’t worry if you missed us live, because we’ve got you covered with the archived broadcast below! As always feel free to follow us on Twitch and catch us next Sunday at 5pm CST.

]]>http://geekparty.com/geekparty-live-weekly-game-show-returns/feed/0GeekParty’s Streaming Game Show Is Now A Series!http://geekparty.com/geekpartys-streaming-game-show-is-now-a-series/
http://geekparty.com/geekpartys-streaming-game-show-is-now-a-series/#respondMon, 09 Nov 2015 15:27:15 +0000http://geekparty.com/?p=32447Another Sunday is in the books, and you know what that means: GeekParty’s new live-streaming game show is now officially a series!

This week I came equipped with Quiplash XL, to add even more variety to the show, but here are some other things you can expect from the episode:

Completely defensible ignorance of brand slogans.

An unnerving suspicion that one or more contestants have experience making people “disappear.”

A fresh perspective on Mr. Clean’s personal life.

Real science in the form of a biochemical compound involved in many metabolic pathways!

And yours truly, always doing my best to keep the laughs coming.

If you missed it live, feel free to catch the archived broadcast below and follow us on Twitch to catch the show next Sunday!

Happy Post-Halloween! OooOOooOOoooh! In this spooktastic eppy, Gordy continues his downward spiral into insanity by trying to convince Bergo that the Flash is real. Not spooky enough for you?! OK, well how about Apocalypse versus Dracula?! How about porno zombies?! How about Supergods?!?! Something in there is bound to make you wet your trousers, so just go listen to it already.

“No one wants to see the Flash walk and talk. They wanna see him run and scream.”
-Justin

]]>http://geekparty.com/gordy-tells-justin-comics-episode-35-halloween-jammers-2015/feed/0Shelby’s Digital Dishes: A Smashing Good Curryhttp://geekparty.com/digital-dish-a-smashing-good-curry/
http://geekparty.com/digital-dish-a-smashing-good-curry/#respondThu, 05 Nov 2015 05:30:05 +0000http://geekparty.com/?p=32419Though I didn’t become acquainted with it until Super Smash Bros. Brawl, the “Superspicy Curry” item — the one that causes characters to uncontrollably spew jets of fire from their mouths — actually has its roots in the Kirby series. But considering Kirby’s main purpose is to eat everything in sight, my discovery isn’t exactly surprising. The item also got me thinking about my love of stew-like dishes and my perpetual quest to find some good Japanese curry.

Turns out there aren’t a lot of Southwestern Connecticut restaurants specializing in curry-flavored delicacies from Eastern Asia. So, I decided to make my own.

My initial research revealed that most Japanese curry recipes either recommend a pre-mixed batch of curry spices or a generic “garam masala,”a phrase which roughly translates to “curry spices.” I have a pretty good garam masala from the local Indian market (no trouble finding that in Connecticut, oddly enough), but Indian curry and Japanese curry differ significantly.

While Indian curries tend to be on the spicier end of the spectrum, leaning on saltier and smokier flavors, Japanese curries are noted for their sweetness and savory nature. For many, they’re the comfort food of choice.

Granted, it’s probably not spicy enough to produce jets of fire from Kirby’s mouth, but let’s do it anyway!

The folks over at Just Hungry wrote a breakdown of the general “ratio ranges” of various spices in Japanese curry mixes, translated into English for my gaijin convenience. And from that, I devised my own “garam masala,” which we’ll refer to as “Jewish-Japanese style.”

Add spice mix to heated pan. Roast until spices are aromatic and uniform in color, stirring or shaking occasionally.

Remove spices from heat and set aside to cool

Roux

Add butter and flour to a small saucepan over medium heat

Stir constantly until well mixed and the mixture has turned golden brown

Remove from heat

Curry

Heat oil in a large pot over medium-high heat until shimmering

Add in chicken (or protein item of your choice) and brown, stirring to catch all sides of each piece. Note: Mine achieved this color in large part because this was the same pan in which I’d just caramelized my onions.

Reduce heat to medium-low and remove protein from pot, using a pair of tongs and leaving as much liquid as possible in the pot. Set protein aside.

Add garlic and ginger to pot and cook until the mixture has achieved a deep brown.

Add the caramelized onions and stir together.

Add Garam Masala from above and saute until fragrant

Return protein item to the pot and add in stock, potatoes, carrots, and grated apple

Bring to a boil over high heat, then reduce heat to medium-low (sustaining a simmer) and cover

Allow to cook for approximately 20 minutes, or until potatoes and carrots are very tender (test by attempting to pierce with a fork; it should slide in with little resistance)

Salt the curry to taste, then add in your roux and peas, stirring well

Turn heat to high and bring to a boil until sauce has thickened to your desired consistency

Serve, ideally with rice

Serves 4

Bonus Achievements: If you want to make this curry spicier, or less spicy, just adjust the amount of cayenne in the recipe up or down respectively. Though, be careful; cayenne pepper is a natural blood thinner, like cinnamon.

If you want to take your curry in a tasty and non-traditional direction, add gochujang (a Korean spicy chili paste), when combining the caramelized onions with the sauteed garlic and ginger. Gochujang’s spicy and tangy flavor should give your curry an unusual, but tasty, kick. I recommend starting with a teaspoon and working up from there.

No matter what variation you choose, you’ll end up with a curry fit for King Dedede and Donkey Kong. Though, fire-spitting is optional.

* A note on technique: the caramelized onion recipe calls for a mandolin, but as that’s a fairly dangerous and specialized kitchen tool, simply slicing the onions thinly with a sharp knife should suffice. Rather than struggle with holding a round onion at the proper angle for cutting, though, simply split the onion in half from base to top after removing the end, but before peeling off the skin (this makes peeling it easier as well). This allows you to place the onion flat-side down and slice half moons without worrying about losing your grip or having the onion slip out from under the blade.

Back in 2012, I typed the words “Rackmount” and “NES” into Google’s search bar and sparked an obsession that I still haven’t recovered from. And that’s a terrible tragedy considering what I learned today.

The search results delivered something called “Ninstrument,” a slab of music-making brilliance that incorporated the sound chips from two Gameboys, a Nintendo Entertainment System, and a Commodore 64. To non-chiptuners, this may sound silly, but it’s a professional piece of hardware that can even be mounted on the rails found in any professional studio or touring rig.

For chiptune musicians, it was the perfect piece of equipment.

Every so often, I would point my browser at Ninstrument’s website to get an update on the project, but news has been a little sparse since 2012. So this week, I decided to get some real answers, but now I’m a little sad.

According to Ninstrument’s Chris Blarsky, the device started to become too costly, and the company had to focus on other endeavors.

“We have fun making a lot of prototypes,” Blarsky said. “If they garner enough interest we move forward in to small and trial production runs. Sometimes we have to take a long hard look at the numbers and realize when a product will be too cost prohibitive to make. Such is the case with the rack mount prototypes. Too much cost makes the end price too high for the end customer.”

Bummer, right?

But I completely understand. Chiptunes have been experiencing a surge in popularity, but they’re still a niche. In fact, during our email exchange, Blarsky referred to the chip genre as a “niche within a niche.” And even that seems generous.

“In order to sustain a company you have to focus on making sure ends meet,” he explained. “No it’s not fun and takes away from your overall motivation, but if you manage it correctly it can be a lot of fun.“

And Nintstrument has been having fun. Blarsky’s team of brainiacs has already rolled out a surprising number of unique devices, and there are probably more in the works. I may never get that gorgeous piece of rackmounted ingenuity, but Nintstrument is soldiering on, creating things that any chiptuner would trade his kidneys for.

I should probably just start obsessing about one of those, but today’s news only makes me want a rackmountable Ninstrument even more.