Ryan Bailey

Emile Heskey is the England hair stylist

Emile William Ivanhoe Heskey's inclusion in England's World Cup squad - let alone the starting 11 last Saturday - remains a bone of contention. The Aston Villa striker netted just three times for his club last season, and his record of seven goals in 59 England appearances is poor. In fact, in recent games, Japan has scored more goals for England than the 32-year-old.

In addition to his dual role as Wayne Rooney's support act and England's official shot misser, Heskey has taken on another important responsibility within the England camp: he has become the team hair stylist. The Sun claim that players were "queuing up at his hotel room for a trim before the game," and the UK's favorite tabloid also took the liberty of quoting a made-up source:

"Heskey's hairdressers has been one of the highlights of banter between the boys. If only Emile was as precise with his shooting against the USA as he is with the clippers."

If the free-scoring Darren Bent is sitting at home wondering why he was denied a place in the South Africa squad, perhaps he should think about getting himself an additional vocational skill. He could shine shoes, learn to bake, or maybe develop an efficient ticketing system for the women lining up outside John Terry's hotel room ...