Dear Abby: Candle-lighting honors lives of lost children

Dear Abby: Every year across the United States and around the world, families must deal with the holiday season after the unthinkable has happened — the death of a precious child.

In response to the need for grieving families to have one special day during the difficult holidays to remember, honor and reflect on the lives of these children who have died — at any age and from any cause — The Compassionate Friends, a national self-help support organization for families grieving the death of a child, created the Worldwide Candle Lighting. It is held the second Sunday of each December and is now in its 15th year. The event officially takes place at 7 p.m. local time for one hour and continues to grow larger every year.

The Compassionate Friends invites your readers to attend a service Dec. 11, to honor the lives of these children, or to light a remembrance candle at 7 p.m., wherever they may be, whether alone or with friends and family. They are also invited to visit The Compassionate Friends national website on the day of the Worldwide Candle Lighting and post a remembrance message in our online memory book. We do this so that their light may always shine, Abby. Thank you for spreading the message. — Patricia Loder, Executive Director, The Compassionate Friends/USA

Dear Patricia: You’re welcome. The holidays are an emotionally loaded time of year for many people. For families suffering from the loss of a child, it can be even more so. Thank you for the support you offer them.

Readers, on Dec. 11, services open to the public will be held throughout the day in hundreds of locations across the U.S., as well as in about two dozen countries around the world.

Services will be held by many of the Compassionate Friends’ 630 U.S. chapters, as well as allied organizations, community groups, churches and houses of worship, funeral homes, children’s memorial gardens, hospices, schools, cemeteries — even community centers.

Dear Abby: I moved out of my parents’ house and have been working full time and supporting myself for three years. I love my life as a young adult.

This past year, my younger sister “Nicole” has been saying she wants to move in with me so she can get out of our parents’ house and be closer to me. She earns twice as much as I do and can easily afford her own place. I have not encouraged her because I enjoy living by myself.

Nicole and our parents are now accusing me of being a terrible sister and friend to her. She has been depressed, gone into therapy and has been cutting herself. I want to support my sister in any way I can, but I don’t think her living with me will be the solution to her many problems. I don’t want to cause a rift in the family, but I also don’t want to be guilted into letting her move in. What should I do? — On My Own in Denver

Dear On Your Own: Because your sister’s depression is so severe that she’s cutting herself, you are right in thinking her living with you won’t be the solution to her problems. That she realizes she needs professional help and is getting it is a step in the right direction.

You should not have your sister move in until and unless you have discussed it with her AND HER THERAPIST and are satisfied it will be beneficial for both of you.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.