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“Cars 2” wins the award for the most unnecessary sequel of the year – at least until someone makes another “Jonah Hex” movie.

Yes, yes, I know – the 2006 original was a huge commercial success. Just one problem: “Cars” was Pixar’s only dud to date, as entertainment.

But “Cars 2,” opening Friday, makes it look like an animated masterpiece.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a major Pixar fan of long standing. And I think the animation in “Cars 2” is indeed masterful. Hey, the movie was directed by John Lasseter, the guy who dreamt Pixar up out of his own head. So what you see is both imaginative and visually amazing – astonishingly photorealistic images created by computers, visualizing things that could never be in real life.

But unlike every previous Pixar film except “Cars,” “Cars 2” suffers from a script that can’t get any traction when it comes to making an actual joke. The story is muddled, the writing is flat – and, oh yeah, this turns out to be Pixar’s contribution to the Larry the Cable Guy phenomenon.

Who, you may ask, is Larry the Cable Guy? (At least I hope you’re asking; God knows I’ve made a point of avoiding his oeuvre, which apparently is on the same humor wavelength as that of the late Jim Varney and his dreadful “Ernest” films.) Larry the Cable Guy is a comedian who, like Dane Cook, has built a huge following without actually being funny.

In “Cars 2,” Mr. Guy (I don’t know him well enough to refer to him as Larry) voices a tow-truck character named Tow Mater (insert Goofy laugh here: hyuk hyuk hyuk). He’s best friends with stock-car champ Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson), who agrees to take Mater along when he’s invited to run in an international set of Grand Prix races in Japan, Italy and England. Little does Lightning realize that this will, in fact, be Mater’s film, not his. Be afraid – be very afraid.

But let me back up: The film starts with a James Bond-ish opening, involving British secret-agent sportscar Finn McMissile (Michael Caine), invading an oil platform in the Pacific where a fellow operative has been undercover. He finds clues to dastardly doings, involving a German scientist named Professor Z (Thomas Kretschmann – at least it wasn’t Christoph Waltz) – and escapes to try to figure out the mystery.

I’m sorry – did I mention that these spies are, um, cars? That’s right – cars invading oceanic oil rigs run by other cars. Cars chasing each other around Japan, London, Paris and elsewhere. There’s nary a human being to be seen in this automotive world. Somehow it’s ridiculous without being silly enough to be funny.

When McQueen and Mater arrive in Japan for the first leg of the race, they land smack in the middle of McMissile’s operation. Worse, in a Hitchcock-like case of mistaken identity, Mater is erroneously thought to be an American operative and roped into the plot involving McMissile and sidekick Holley Shiftwell (Emily Mortimer). Something about alternative fuel – but ignore that.

I’m sorry – did I just invoke Alfred Hitchcock? Please – erase that from your mind.

The dim-witted hick as an object of fun in a world of sophisticates – sorry, but I’ve had week-old bread that wasn’t as stale as that idea. It wasn’t fresh in the 1960s, when it was the basis of everything from “The Beverly Hillbillies” to “Hee-Haw.” It wasn’t even new when it was a Broadway hit called “Aaron Slick from Punkin Crick” in 1919.

But that’s Larry the Cable Guy’s whole shtick – as well as the basis of most of the humor for “Cars 2.” My sympathy to the parent whose child comes away from this film saying, “I want to see Larry the Cable Guy.”

I swear I didn’t hear a single person laugh in the screening I saw. There were more giggles during a short (“Toy Story: Hawaiian Vacation”) that preceded “Cars 2” than in the entire feature.

It’s a rare occurrence – but even Pixar, as trustworthy a brand as there is, lays an egg from time to time. In the case of “Cars 2,” it’s a rotten egg to boot.

This article reads more like something from a person who is simply trying to get hits on his website than an actual review of the movie. I made the mistake of following a link here, that won’t happen again.

You may be right about the lame-ness of Cars 2 (I haven’t seen it yet). But I have a feeling your disdain for Larry the Cable Guy is clouding how you see the Cars films.

The first Cars is so rich and deep in its characters and story and message. I’ve seen it at least 20 times…mostly with my two boys…and am always sucked in to the simple and beautiful world of Radiator Springs. It’s such a beautiful creation by Pixar.

Like it or not (and it’s obvious you DON’T like it), a Cars sequel WAS gonna be made. I like the idea of throwing the bunch into an international race and spy movie. But I’m just a boob from a midwestern Red state who likes Larry the Cable Guy, so wut dee heck do I know?

My family and I absolutely love the first Cars movie and are looking forward to seeing the second one. I love the principals that were taught in the first movie. Don’t have to be from the midwest to love this movie. I’m from NYC and I can’t begin to tell you how many children love this movie because after all, its a cartoon. Mater is freaking awesome and I can’t wait him in another adventure with Lighting.

Daniel Lawrence Whitney aka Larry the Cable Guy, like or not, has proven that a hick amongst the sophisticates is popular and profitable. The style of humor is no different than Rudy Ray More and Kat Williams or Patton Oswalt and Janeane Garofalo in that it appeals to some and not to others. Simply because it is not your taste you fail to recognize the appeal. This is only a part of the failure of your criticism.

You then draw out a comparison to stale bread for Hee Haw and the Beverly Hillbillies. This is the support for your argument? Two of the most popular and influential shows of their time, (and with the case of Hee Haw for a great deal longer than that). The humor has lost upon sophisticates that felt these shows were denigrating that vast parcel of land between LA and New York. When in reality it was simply respite from the contstant reminder of a tumultuous era.

Another point of contention with this criticism, ‘…these spies are, um, cars…’ It is a world that is inhabited by vehicles; it is part of the appeal.

Unless you wrote this critique as a piece of irony to be read in the voice of a less charismatic Mr Drysdale.

I would like to post a counter to your review. If you are a parent to a child who loves the original Cars–and thus have watched it for what feels like (or may be) hundreds of times, then you will enjoy Cars2. It is a bit tense and maybe scary in places, but no more so than the tense/scary moments in Toy Story 3. Yes, it is silly. Yes, it is cars being spies. But, yes, it is a children’s movie–a cartoon–that should indicate that you suspend your disbelief and embrace the cheese. Really…it’s not a bad movie. My kids, husband, and I enjoyed it.