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Sunday, February 16, 2014

Hey Pinterest, We're On to You.

Fellow moms,

We need to talk. You see I’ve been watching you for a while now and things
are starting to get out of hand.I want
to chat with you about your sinister little friend, Pinterest.I know you think she’s the cat’s meow always
looking so polished and perfect, but you know that’s not the real deal, right?

Seriously, who in their right mind convinces you that
standing at the counter for an hour cutting tiny little black olives to wrap
around cream cheese and shape into a penguin for a party is a good idea?And for crying out loud what five year old
likes black olives anyway?

And those braids?I’m
no rookie mom, I know those fancy braids your daughter showed up with at school
had to take hours of screaming and crying and pleas to “Just sit still, I’m
almost done!” While you creaked your neck to see your computer screen
directions and your girl squirmed in her chair.That Pinterest friend of yours is selling and you’re buying it up like
it’s all on sale.

And laundry rooms don’t have chandeliers!A laundry room has dust bunnies and a cat box
and socks lost behind the dryer.There
are no neatly ordered shelves with your laundry soap in glass jars and your
dryer sheets tied in bows.Get a grip on
yourself!

And the guys at your Super Bowl party don’t want
strawberries that look like tiny footballs; they want lots of beer and a big
vat of Velveeta and Ro-Tel like they’ve craved since the Reagan
Administration.Snap out of it sister!

I come with truth telling because I care about you. I care
about our tribe of fellow moms that must stick together. Ever since this little
tart Pinterest girl moved into town, we’ve all been sucked in by her beauty,
her sweet Photoshop confection.But it’s
time for an intervention.It’s time to
treat her like the museum exhibit that she is and get back to your real
life.

Those cute little outfits she throws together so effortlessly.That’s a Jedi mind trick. You’re not finding any
of that at TJMaxx so that outfit will actually cost you $4959 plus overseas
shipping.

Source not listed: Pinterest

So let’s all agree to plan your next birthday party like
your mother did. Go and whip up a box mix with an extra can of icing and invite
the neighbor kids over to play in the backyard sprinkler while you and the
other moms drink boxed wine and tell vomit stories. It’s time we all got back
to normal, just like motherhood is supposed to be.