This is the story of how I’m getting over my fear of asking someone out, and why.

Tonight I was at the local cafe with some friends and this beautiful girl walks down the stairs and our eyes meet. The eye contact lasted longer than I expected, and when she got to the bottom of the stairs she looked down, then looked back at me. At this moment I knew there was a mutual attraction between the two of us, I certainly did not expect the look back. I couldn’t help but to stare watch her walk outside the cafe. I gazed with admiration as she walked around the corner, and she actually looked back at me, it was a look of interest, not a look of “why are you staring at me”. I watched her walk to a car with her friend, and I sat there glued to my seat.

My friends egged me on to go talk to her, and I quickly ran through all these fears in my head. The fear of rejection, the fear that I would get close and she would be turned off by the fact that I have not shaved today, or that my hair is a week overdue for a haircut (note to self, always shave and have the hair down before going out in public). There were other minor fears that ran through my mind, and I kept looking to see if they had actually left yet. After some cajoling I got my head together and realizes that these irrational fears needed to be put to the side, there is nothing I can do about the hair and five o’clock yesterday shadow, but the garlic pasta that lay in front of me made a light bulb go off in my head, I needed fresh breath, fast. So I quickly chewed a piece of gum, and prepared myself for talking, no idea what to say, but I knew I had to say something.

I got ready to walk quickly to catch them still at the car, I had my briefcase and decided to put it in my car first. This was another stupid fear that popped into my head and led me off the path, I didn’t want to set a “works too much business guy” impression in her head, and this last fear would prove to ruin the opportunity. I hurried to my car, put the briefcase in the back and turned to look at the car they had gotten into, it was backing up already. I knew they had to drive by the area I was in to get out, so I hoped they would slow down and I could try to catch their attention once again. The driver was on her cell phone and appeared to be in a hurr, they just drove by. A missed golden opportunity.

Now I have a new more powerful fear, and this is how I am getting over the fear of rejection or the fear of asking someone out. The drive home made me realize that the pain from the loss of knowing, the kicking the self in the ass for not acting quicker, that pain is much worse than a rejection anyways. If I had asked her out and been turned down for any of those other fears that got in the way, then that would have been that. The situation would be over and I would move on with my life. I did not take that opportunity, and now the pain of not knowing is lasting much longer than the pain of finding out, one way or the other.

Some say pain is a top motivator, some say anger. I say the pain of a rejection is far less than the pain and anger of not asking. The pain has obviously lasted longer, as I am home now and still thinking about it. I will be kicking myself in the ass for a while over this one, but I will be instilling the idea that the pain of now knowing is worse. The next time such an opportunity presents itself, I remember to fear the longer lasting pain of not knowing more than any of those other little fears that keep me from avoiding that pain.

Please by all means, ladies and gentlemen, do not let life pass us all by because of silly little fears. Ladies if you see a guy checking you out and you are interested, don’t drive off without saying hi first. Guys, don’t be a dumb ass and let fear keep from you asking, I assure you, the pain of not asking is worse than anything, and even if you get rejected, you are still flattering someone, which is reason enough to get out that seat and say hello.

4 Comments to "Getting over the fear of asking someone out"

That was a great story by all means! And the fact that most people fear the rejection and let this fear prevents from even saying HI to a person you liked, minimizes the chances to ever meerting somone to a 0. I will try to be a brave one here and tell a HELLO first. Would you like to chat sometimes?:)

Hey Rosalie, Maybe that guy is afraid to ask you out, shy, whatever. There is nothing wrong if you ask him to go out some time. One of you have to break the ice and take that first step. If you feel there is a connection, don’t let it pass you by.
Good luck. 🙂