Am I overreacting? My husband grabbed me tightly by my arm and pulled me towards him when I was ignoring him.

We were arguing a bit and I just walked away but he grabbed me tightly by my wrist (and it hurt a bit) he must have realized it because he immediately let me go. He sort of said sorry and said it was an accident. He then would not talk to me because get this BS ok, HE was angry at me for even thinking he had done it on purpose. So he is now the "victim." I'm so mad at him right now, that I told him not to speak to me at all today. I am angrier at the fact that he is pretending that he is the one offended. He should be apologizing for even doing what he did to me. I am now kind of scared of him because I never thought he would put his hands on me like that.

Couple of questions.
Do you have a habit just walking away during a discussion? Maybe he wanted to talk.
Is this out of character for him? Then yes your over reacting. He still should apologize. You said he sort of apologize so why are you so upset? Why not talk about how this hurt your feelings and now your scared. If he’s becoming more physical then you need to revaluate the relationship, if this is not who he is then take it as a accident.

@SRey:
Thanks for your response and No, I never walk away when we argue, he always does but this time I did for the first time. It is completely out of his character to grab me that's why I am very surprised! He is the one that is super strict on never laying a hand on each other for any reason so it makes me mad that he did it although he claims it is an accident.

@kenmele:
I wouldn’t immediately say she is overreacting - that would have been quite scary - but neither would I say “it’s just the start so leave him now before it escalates”.
Look at the big picture OP because @kenmele is right - there was unhealthy communication going on.
It may well be he was caught up in his emotions, didn’t want you to go and didn’t realise his strength when he reached out.
Regardless, OP he is deflecting blame ATM and yes you are right to take time out for the heat to settle.
There was obviously a lot of emotion going on.
But you guys need to come together to work through it in a healthier way. You both need to be vulnerable and ultimately, if possible, use what happened to connect rather than disconnect.
The outcome in this (and any argument) will help you work out whether you are overreacting.
Maybe read over this as you take time out and while I am not blaming you for any of his words and actions, own your bit in it all.https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-vs-resolving-conflict-relationships-blueprints-success/

Sounds like you were startled by the swiftness of him grabbing your wrist, not the action of taking your wrist itself. Yes, his apology (what does sort of mean?) may have been less than you wanted because he may have startled himself that he did it so quickly it startled you.

In any regard, this impasse is not healthy marital debate. You both need a time out and regroup to discuss calmly each of your perception of what happened.

Without knowing who was at fault or the basis of the original argument, I cannot say more on who has more *right* to be sullen, but it does not bode well for handling future conflict. Time to nip this in the bud and have a sit down with a disinterested third party, even if only once. And learn some healthy discourse skills and tactics going forward.

Right now you are both just simmering and until the air is cleared it will color all the rest of your days, even unwittingly.

1 . Call the police. 2. Get into a shelter. 3.Grow up and stop arguing and antagonizing people because your actions no matter if verbal or physical provoke reactions. To claim innocents in a confrontation is like shitting roses.

Hurting wasn’t acceptable, but it wasn’t done intentionally and was immediately stopped on the realization that it was happening.

In any case you and your husband need to get counselling. If you're ignoring him, you’re stonewalling him (look up Gottmann and how this is a great predictor of divorce). Now that he’s ignoring you, you know how you looked to him. You can’t communicate if you’re not talking and if you’re not talking your relationship will erode... potentially to the point that it dies.

"He sort of said sorry and said it was an accident. He then would not talk to me because get this BS ok, HE was angry at me for even thinking he had done it on purpose. "

My take on his reaction is that he is sorry that he grabbed you, that he didn't mean to do it, but that he is still angry for whatever it is that you were fighting about. You said yourself he immediately let you go. I vote that yes you are overreacting. Its a side issue to your original argument and should not be used out of righteousness just to win, or add fuel to the fire. Sounds like you both need to take a step back, gather your thoughts, and discuss things when you are prepared to do so calmly.

Is there really any need to discuss the arm grab further? You either accept that it was an accident or you don't. Are you really that afraid of him because of this, or are you just trying to milk it for all its worth?

You are not overreacting. He should apologize. He is responsible for his actions and his emotions. He is physically stronger and therefore cannot use it against you to force you to stay there. Its coercion. That doesnt work in a couple. If he wants the best from you, he has to give you the best, not force you to stay or do something when you dont want to.

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