how strange and magic life is

If you read this blog you will have to excuse me and my writing. I am severely dyslexic and as much as I try with out getting some one to go through the everything with me than there will be some interesting things with spelling spell checks cant pick up all my creations well if your patience the words do say it as there said hope you enjoy it.

This aby thing that is not new to me but it is some thing I have just this summer let be expressed I have known on some level there is baby inside since 6 Y O but I was for very skaired of what people would say and my brother was a horred bully. little bastered! It would come up through out my life most years but I would run away but This summer it started once more to want to be hered. In june i met a healer and psychic that did a healing on me and found a little baby which he guided me and the little me to the most beautiful place of peace. There he told me I must look after this little baby. And said that the next fuw months for me would be very interesting but very difficult and I must look after my self and my little baby and let it play.

All this was most unexpected and I did not no that this was what the message was until 2 weeks ago. All through the summer my little me started to become more apparent but I started to feel it was a beautiful expression of an aspect of me and so I allowed my self to be led by the hidden desires for baby things like wear nappy's have a dummy feeding my self with baby bottles and farleys rusks and warm milk mmmmmmmm! I have a teddy to which I cuddle every night or when im up set. I also found some of the cutest babyish pj there actually girls pj but im not frighten to wearing feminine things im not a tranny not at all and I don't look like one infact I have a stile all of my own that suits me and many people say so to, apart from the odd Alfa male that finds it threatening but that just makes me giggle its funny to press there buttons. It also quit acceptable for girls to wear boys boxers and many other things and there not perseaved as cross dressers so if it is a challenge to society then let it.

any way so I started to be like this in my little home and it made me feel so good really safe and a scene of being loved the love and understanding I did not reseve when I was a baby it is like comeing home to the place I should have been. the reason I went to the healer in the first place was that for years now I had this deep tiredness feeling around my kidneys I get it when I was feeling upset. 3 years ago I was in a state of chronic fatigue for 2 years with this feeling eating away at me. Now since ive been allowing my little baby to have its say this tired thing has not come back.

It has not been easy though I have been very alone with this I no no other like me to get reflection from .I have recently told three of my closest girl friends I tell them and not male friend becouse I feel more comfortable talking to girls I all ways have. Its so good not to be in the dark any more.

Now as for it being a sexual thing no. seeing girls in nappys is a mixture of being very sweet and very erotic .and it duse some times arouse me the feeling of a nappy but this is some how different from my baby. how ever as my baby is part of me and my adult self and my adult self has an erotic side then these expressions can I can see can blend in the magic pot of creativity to creat beautiful rainbows of exitment and tenderness I hope I get the chance to explore this in the future with some lovely girl. for the moment I will just lern to be with my baby with the sweetness I deserve adult and baby.

Just this even I have seen a friend that I have not seen since june she has now a lovely baby boy that is all baby. She reminded me of a dream she had that she told me about in the summer that at the time surprised me and her the dream went like this.

There was me in a little round Moses basket all happy with a white blanket covering it.

At the time I had not long since moved into a little teeny tiny camper van that I was so happy in. she did not no this and this was before I met this healer and before I know what was coming. And now she tells me again to day. how strange wonderful and beautiful life is.