Once upon a time, a young man went to the circus. He
was very excited, as he lived in a little town in
North Louisiana and had never seen a circus before;
the kind of town where the mayor runs the local gas
station. Anyway, as circus days drew nigh, the young
man grew ever more excited. He arrived before dawn to
get the best seat in the house, and was seated hours
before the first trapeze act.

Finally, the trapeze artists gave an awe-inspiring
performance, the elephants danced, and the lion tamer
tamed. At last, the clowns came out in full regalia
and green hair. They rode around by the dozen in a
purple Volkswagen. The Volksie pulled up to center of
the ring, and an overweight clown with orange hair,
acne, and a purple nose advanced to the podium:

"Will the person in section A, row Y, seat 42 please
stand up?"

The young man looked at his ticket, and to his
surprise, he was sitting in that very seat. The young
man stood up.

Clown sez, "Wellllll, there's the horse's ass, now
where's the rest of the horse?"

The man, dumbfounded, stood for a moment, then made
his way quickly through crowd and out of the tent.
Returning home, the man wept for days, and mourned the
loss of dignity and honor. Eventually reason overcame
his grief and the man grew determined. "I'm not going
to get mad, I'm going to get even, and avenge the
honor of myself, my family, and this town," exclaimed
the man. He picked up the curriculum guide for
Lousiana State University (LSU) correspondence courses
and started to read.

Eventually his eyes came to rest on an advertisement
for a class in "Quick Wit Retort." "Learn how to use
those snappy comebacks to your advantage, now!"

So the man sent in his $19.95 and soon received the
course materials. In a few weeks, the man mastered the
materials, and sent his final exam back to LSU for
grading.

Much to his surprise, a registered letter arrived from
the chancellor of LSU. It read:

Dear Sir: We are utterly flabbergasted at your
performance in Quick Wit Retort 101. We would be most
gratified if you could come to LSU to complete your
degree with our fine academic institution. Here's a
check to cover your expenses.

To make a long story short, the man made straight A's
in the QWR program. He was awarded numerous
distinctions, and when he graduated, the graduation
speaker, John Ashcroft, awarded the man the
Presidential Medal of Outstanding Quick Wit Retort,
signed by W himself!

Some days afterward, Harvard University sent a Learjet
to pick the man up for an interview. The graduate
admissions officer didn't mince words. "If you
complete our masters/doctoral tenured track program in
QWR, you will never have to worry about money again,"
said he. Needless to say, the man promptly moved to
Cambridge.

In 2 years, the man had finished his doctorate. By
this time, the man was known throughout the world as
the leading expert in Quick Wit Retort. Word had even
reached North Louisiana, which made his mother very
proud.

Everyone from Pentagon pundits to Beltway bandits
consulted the man on technical questions of QWR.

One day, while sitting at his desk reading his
hometown newspaper, the man noticed that the circus
was coming to his hometown again. An evil smile
crossed the man's face. "Siegfried," cried the man to
his assistant, "We must be away to North Louisiana.
Ready the jet!" As the plane crossed the Mississippi
River, the man savored the moment of victory that was
to be his.

The man arrived at the circus tent very early, making
sure to get the seat in section A, row Y, seat 42.

Finally, the trapeze artists gave an awe-inspiring
performance, the elephants danced, and the lion tamer
tamed. At last, the clowns came out in full regalia
and green hair. They rode around by the dozen in a
purple Volkswagen. The Volksie pulled up to center of
the ring, and an overweight clown with orange hair,
acne, and a purple nose advanced to the podium:

"Will the person in section A, row Y, seat 42 please
stand up?"

The man glanced at his ticket. This time he was ready.

Clown sez, "Wellllll, there's the horse's ass, now
where's the rest of the horse?"

The man rose to his feet, full of confidence. He
thrust out his chest and said in the loudest voice you
can imagine: