Saturday, October 2, 2010

Kurt awoke around Noon, greeted as usual by the foul stench of his sparse one bedroom apartment. The smell, which he had assumed was inherent in the room itself, for he hadn't lived there long, had an earthy base with a hint of sour milk and rotten fruit. He fixed his daily breakfast of Ultra Ramen in his UtiliWaveOven and to occupy the 12.3 seconds it would take to finish he busied himself admiring his antique boxfan. He had purchased it a few days prior to moving to Wankstachion, formerly Philadelphia, at an old pawn shop just outside his hometown. The novelty of the device, it's bulky shape, the silly blades apparantly meant to cut the air into smaller, cooler pieces, the absurd white and gray coloring had piqued his normally absent interest. It was a truelly unique device, he had laughed aloud when he saw the cord protruding from the back where the semen receptor should have been. It ran on 'electricity' an entirely outdated energy source. 'ULTRA RAMEN COMPLETE' his UtiliWaveOven yelled at him, breaking him from his reverie.
Kurt stood, stretched, and plodded over to retrieve his meal, the stench followed, as if carried on the currents of the fan. He ripped open a packet of Goat and Cool Ranch flavoring and added it to the soup. Delicious. Ever since the Chicken shortage of 2841 Goat had become America's new favorite Ramen seasoning. Poor Kurt could hardly remmember what Chicken Ramen tasted like, the last time he'd had it was when he'd crashed a rich wedding 4 years ago.
As he ate he absent mindedly folded, unfolded and refolded a small paper ticket. Being a fan of vintage materials he'd specially requested his Cruise ticket to be printed on paper, it was worth the extra 47,000 dollars, one less packet of disposable coat hangers per week was a small price to pay for such a fun slip of paper. His departure was in one hour, he became erect with excitement and relieved himself in his clock radio, ensuring continued non electrical power for the next two days, and resumed eating. Readjusting his belt he caught sight of a mysterious lump inside his boxfan. Taking another spoonfull of UltraRamen into his mouth for the trip across his room he zeroed in on the brownish gray shape.
Kurt knelt before the fan and gasped, causing several hot pink noodles to plummit from his mouth onto his neon green PlastiWood floor. In the far back corner of the fan lay a dead mouse, it's spine apparantly rended in twain by the powerfull blades. Disgust evolved into Revulsion which morphed into a small Chuckle, out of self defense, and eventually found it's final form in Relief. The enigmatic source of the stench had been located. Each time he had turned his fan on to air out the room he'd made it worse, blowing and spreading the dead mouse aroma. He plucked it by it's tail and flung it out of his window, instead of a small thud he heard a shriek and the sound of high heels clicking swiftly away from his apartment. He sighed disapointed, he never made a good impression on the neighbours.
Before leaving to catch his cruise to Titan, Satruns largets moon and largest singles retreat, Kurt flung all his clothes into his sperm powered washer dryer. Attempting to pick up a mate while smelling like dead mouse would be one folly he would never engage in again. This he vowed to himself.