Have you been listening to your self lately? What are you saying to yourself or out loud and are you paying attention? With everything we say, we share something about our selves. Self-listening is a key to self-knowing and self-development.

Inner talk

Your thoughts run faster than your ability to speak. If you were trying to speak everything you think you would find you struggle, as you just cannot keep up. Thoughts run automatically – day in, day out, without ever stopping. Once you start paying attention to your inner talk you might find some disturbing or unwanted thoughts running through your mind. Usually the more you wish them to stop, the more persistent they become. Continue Reading Personal Development – Inviting Self-Listening…

Are you often disappointed with yourself? Are you noticing thoughts like ‘I shouldn’t be doing or thinking this’? Are you being hard on yourself for not reaching your goals? The reason might be that there are big gaps between your ideal self-image and your real self.

Ideal Self versus Real Self

Getting to know your Ideal Self

Consciously or unconsciously we all walk around with an idealized image of ourselves. Setting goals might be the more obvious and conscious ones. Being unhappy about our body shape, size or weight might go more unconsciously.

To get familiarized with the Ideal Self that you have created, start by listening and paying attention to your thoughts and words. It might come concealed in statements like ‘I’m not as quick writing this report as I should be’ or ‘Wow, this guy is really self-assured’. Often expectations we set ourselves might be tied up with things we aspire to or admire in others, or, on the contrary, things we envy or ‘apparently’ disregard in others. Continue Reading Self Knowledge – Ideal Self And Real Self…

Let’s face it – we all do it from time to time: calling ourselves names like ‘I’m an idiot’ or ‘silly me’. Changing your negative self-talk is not just a simple cure but a continuous change of habits. Here are some suggestions on what else you could say to yourself.

Where is your self-respect?

Don't believe everything you hear yourself think...

We all make silly mistakes, that’s not the issue. The problems start when we examine our own reaction to ourselves. Many people are really harsh with themselves, cursing themselves in a way they would never talk to anyone else they respect.

Changing the way you talk to yourself

When thinking about changing your thoughts, one technique has helped many of my clients to get out of their righteous minds: Think about a child that you have an emotional attachment to, maybe it is your 5 year old niece or your 3 year old grandson. Think about what you would say to him or her, if something comparable just happened.

Here are some example or reframes:

Inner self-talk: You are an idiot!

Reframe: Don’t worry, it’s ok. Let’s be careful next time.
Ok darling, you are a bright girl (or boy), you just need to slow down and keep practicing.

We all have different selves or parts active in us at different times. These selves are the central building blocks of the psyche. Like different identities we take on their energy, or they run our show, seemingly without our input. The purpose of understanding the selves is to become aware of them so that we are at choice as to which one is being activated.