‘Kong: Skull Island’ On HBO: Indulge In The Glorious Objectification Of Tom Hiddleston

Where to Stream:

Kong: Skull Island

***A quick disclaimer: I don’t particularly advocate for the objectification of anyone, but sometimes, it can be nice to watch the tables get turned, ESPECIALLY when it involves the dreamy baby blues of one Tom Hiddleston.***

Kong: Skull Island is a blast. Set towards the end of the Vietnam War in 1973, the flick breathes fresh life into a tired franchise and subverts your expectations at every turn. Sure, it might be campy and over-the-top, but thats what makes it so damn fun. It’s got the visuals of Apocalypse Now paired with the soundtrack of pretty much every ‘Nam movie, and its monster is just as simultaneously scary and sympathetic as you want him to be. Rather than bringing Kong to the big city and watching him fall in love with our scantily-clad damsel in distress, Kong: Skull Island brings a motley crew of scientists, military men, and a photographer to explore an uncharted island and instead plunges them straight into chaos.

Brie Larson stars as anti-war photographer Mason Weaver, the would-be damsel – but she never really ventures into that territory. In Jordan Vogt-Roberts’ Kong, there isn’t time to waste with tossing Larson around like a rag doll and having men fall in love with her left and right; she’s got serious business to take care of. Sure, there’s a little sexual tension at play, but there’s never even a climactic kiss. Instead, much of the film’s instances of objectification hone in on the dreaminess of Tom Hiddleston – and the flick’s all the more fun for it.

Hiddleston stars as James Conrad, a former British Special Air Service Captain who now works as a hunter-tracker for hire. He may have a hardened exterior, but at the end of the day, he’s a total mush who just wants everyone to make it out of here alive. Over the course of Kong: Skull Island‘s 118 minutes, we get many different Hiddlestons to ogle at. Whether he’s beating people up in a bar with a pool cue or going full samurai on some mini-pterodactyl-like creatures, we get long, lingering gazes into his baby blues or at his toned arms, and it only adds to the film’s delightfully ridiculous nature. Who knew he could run through the water like that and throw a body over his shoulders with such ease?

So which Kong Hiddleston is your favorite? Don’t be shy, there’s plenty of eye candy to go around.

Are you more of a grizzled Hiddleston fan? Into the negotiation for more cash and shifty gazes?

Or are do you learn towards clean-shaven, sweater-wearing, brooding Hiddles? He knows there’s danger ahead, and he’s prepared for it.

If you’re more into gun-wielding, group-leading Hiddleston, we understand. We totally want tickets to that gun show.

His face may not be on full display, but samurai sword-swinging, neon green gas-surrounded, pterodactyl-fighting Hiddleston is legendary.

And subtle as it may be, there’s no denying this out-of-focus Hiddleston body shot. #Hiddlestance

We’ll leave other moments of this glorious objectification a surprise, but whether you’re here for the primate or your most primal instincts, Kong: Skull Island is a helluva good time – and now streaming on HBO.