Excerpt

So, this is an excerpt of about 1000 words set near the mid-point of the novel. Remember those creatures from the last excerpt I posted? Well, this passage is told from their point of view, on their own world.

These particular characters are outlaws, looking for a camp of other outlaws who they hope will help them. The point-of-view character is Continue reading →

This isn’t exactly an excerpt, but it’s something I’m struggling with in drafting my current novel.

Here’s the problem: much of the action takes place in a non-human world and in a variety of non-human languages. In describing the world, especially the social structures, my current draft jumps back and forth between “alien” terms, and terms that are English (or English-ish) approximations of the meaning of the “alien” terms.

Here are a few of the terms that I have in my notes, their literal translations, and the “English-ish” terms I’ve been using:

“Alien” term

English “Translation”

English-ish “Alternate”

anat (pl. anatee)

immaterial creature, spirit, angel, soul

spirit, presence

dynat

power or energy, esp. power of an immaterial creature

energy, dynamism

eudalex (pl. eudalecai)

council, congress, parliament

convenium / conveneum

eugex (pl. eugecai)

ordinary person, worldly person

commoner

gantra (pl. gantrai)

magician, conjurer, witch

witch (pejorative) / magi

gantralla

magic, summoning, witchcraft

witchcraft (pejorative) / art

kefan (pl. kefanee)

priest, shaman, holy person

hierophant

malanadha (pl. malahadhai)

avatar, hero, divine person or demigod

fulfillment / union

mehan (pl. mehanee)

leader, ruler, commander

principal

nok (pl. nokoi)

scholar, academic, intellectual

reasoner / rational

pradix (pl. pradicai)

wise person, teacher

loremaster / speaker

thruja (pl. thrujoi)

slave, indentured servant

slave, bound

My inclination is to use one set of terms consistently throughout the text; but I’m not sure which one. The “alien” language gives a sense of, well, alien-ness; but it could be confusing and/or off-putting. The “English-ish” could be clearer, but it also could come off as pretentious or it might just give rise to confusion with human things that those terms refer to.

Do you have any opinions or thoughts? Any feedback you have would be much appreciated!

So, one off day turned into a couple. I’ll write another post about that later, but I’ve been promising an excerpt. What follows is about 700 words from the prologue of the current work-in-progress, tentatively titled “The Breach Wars”.