9.25.2011

Since my childhood, I have been fascinated with thoughts of running away from a man, only to be chased until I could run no longer, or to be caught up in his arms and spirited away to some kind of punishment for the induced chase. Games like tag satisfied my thirst at least partially in my elementary school days. I invented a game that consisted simply of getting all the boys to chase all the girls and drag them off to "jail" during our recess or lunch times. I would personally be so hard to chase and drag to "jail" , that the boys soon tired of the game because it was "too hard".

When I first met College Guy, I fantasized about running away scenarios. I thought that when we first met, perhaps he would put me in the corner before the spanking. I would comply but sneakily watch him and bolt when his back was turned. Some kind of chase scene would ensue. I wouldn't get far, of course. But I would probably get as far as the door, when his hand would close on my upper arm, and I'd be dragged, protesting and apologizing and trembling, back into the room and over his knee. And I'd pay for the extra effort I'd forced him to put forth. Oh yes, I'd pay dearly.

There are purely physical reasons for why I'm fascinated with the chase/run/capture game. The adrenaline is lovely---then there is the absolute freedom of running, the middle part where the chaser begins to gain on you and you think "oh nooo", the climax and drop when the chaser catches you, and then the cycle happens again as you realize that you are now in more trouble and the adrenaline kicks back in, sometimes at an even higher level then when you first decided to make him chase you.

But there are also psychological/ emotional reasons for my interest in running away and being caught. It's a major reason why I like spanking and d/s in the first place. The running away is akin to disobedience. It's blatant disobedience, or at least, it's a show of fear and a lack of control. For the guy to then chase and conquer and drag back shows caring, desire, and a special kind of forgiveness that is necessary for me to feel loved. It's the feeling that I was not perfect, I was annoying, disobedient, and rude, and instead of writing me off, he went after me.

When I first met College Guy, I never ran away from a spanking. I wanted to be perfect and polite, and I didn't know how he'd react to it. Now, however, I run away frequently, most times, just for fun, or even out of habit. "Get off my lap and grab me the hairbrush," he'll say after warming me up with his hand. I'll slide off his lap and grab the hairbrush. I'll hand it to him, then as his other hand reaches out for my wrist, I'll back up, causing his hand to swipe at empty air. The chase will be short and sweet, but it will have served it's purpose. I'll know that I am not "too hard" for him to handle. And I'm not too rude or disobedient. I can give in to the instinct to struggle, to pout, to protest, and he can handle it. Knowing that he can handle it is an awesome feeling indeed.