How Your Subpersonalities Prevent Self Fulfillment

Often we’re unaware of the internal dialogues that go on inside of ourselves, the self-talk that plays repetitively like broken records inside our minds. Unfortunately, however, this internal dialogue frequently consists of self-derisive and self-sabotaging thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities.

It’s not surprising then, that many of us feel paralyzed and exasperated when we try to self-actualize and self-fulfill ourselves creatively. We can’t seem to accomplish anything without constant internal interjections of criticism, hopelessness, and worry. Our days are garnished with thoughts such as “I’m useless“, “I’m not made for this“, “I could have done that better“. And consequently … we feel exhausted and defeated – by ourselves!

But we weren’t made to be our own worst enemies. Where does such doubtful and self-defeating negativity come from exactly? And how can we live more self-fulfilled lives?

The Four Subpersonalities

I first discovered the idea of the Four Subpersonalities 3 years ago, in Edmund Bourne’s book about Anxiety & Phobia . At that time I was struggling to overcome what I believed was a bad case of social anxiety disorder. Since then, I have largely overcome SA by becoming mindful of my negative self-talk – and the Four Subpersonalities that exist in differing degrees in all of us. These Subpersonalities are:

The Worrier

The Critic

The Victim

The Perfectionist

The one thing these Four Subpersonalities share is the ability to induce anxiety. They voice the different kinds of negative dialogues that occur inside each one of us.

How They Cripple Us

Below is a list of each subpersonality dissected and put under a microscope. Consider this question: which one is the most predominant in you?

The Worrier

Description: This person tends to catastrophize and imagine the worst-case scenarios promoting anxiety, fear and even panic attacks within themselves. They tend to always be on edge, watching for signs of trouble.

When those signs of trouble arise, the worrier tends to:

Anticipate the worst.

Overestimate the chances of something horrible happening.

Fantasize about the worst possible catastrophes occurring.

Key Expressions: “What if…”

Examples: Typical dialogue includes thoughts like: “What if they hear me stutter and think I’m an idiot – and don’t give me the job?!”, “What if he doesn’t call me, and I feel distraught and shattered?”, “What if I put my work on public display and everyone laughs at me, thinking I’m a failure?”

The Critic

Main Function: Promotes low self-esteem.

Description: This person is extremely judgmental of themselves. They put themselves down constantly for any flaw, limitation, or failure they perceive in themselves. They fall into the mental trap of overemphasizing their weaknesses and filtering out their strengths.

Key Expressions: “Can’t you ever do anything properly?”, “Why do you always do that?”, “That was stupid!”, “Should be…”

Examples: “There are so many flaws in this novel of mine, I’m such a poor writer!”, “B+? I could have done way better!”, “I’m such a weak person compared to _____. I should be better.”

The Victim

Main Function: Promotes depression.

Description: This subpersonality creates helpless and hopeless feelings. It is that part of you that believes you have an inherent defect that makes you unworthy and incapable. It tells you that nothing will ever change, and circumstances are irreversible and incurable. The Victim consequently places obstacles and barriers between themselves and their goals, depriving themselves of self-satisfaction.

Key Expressions: “I’ll never be able to …”, “I can’t”.

Examples: “It’s too late to do that now … I’m too tired/old/unpracticed/unskilled”, “I’ll never be able to get a pay rise, so what’s the point of trying?”, “I can’t do that – it’s too hard for me”.

The Perfectionist

Main Function: Promotes stress and burnout.

Description: This person constantly pushes themselves to do bigger and better, always telling themselves that they aren’t doing well enough. They derive their self-worth from external achievements, driving themselves with the mantra that they “should do” this or “should be” that. When they fail to do something that doesn’t conform with their high standards, they are intolerant and self-derisive. The Perfectionist does not forgive or forget, creating great pressure and anxiety for themselves.

Key Expressions: “I must”, “I should”, “I have to”.

Examples: “I should be competent – I must get this done well”, “I have to always be selfless and caring”, “I should be the best at this recital – I have to do well”.

How To Free Yourself & Find Self Fulfillment

Which subpersonality was the most dominant in you? It could have been two of them equally – this is normal. Or it could have been just one like me (The Perfectionist). Now that you have an idea of the Four Subpersonalities, you may be pondering the best course of action. As prolific author Ray Bradbury suggested in his book Zen in the Art of Writing: don’t think – just do! This is one approach that requires no mental action or analysis. However, some find this approach ambiguous, and as to how it is done, whether through meditation or some other self-prescribed method, is entirely up to your own devices. However, there are other ways to counteract the negative self-talk of our subpersonalities. These come with 1) being mindful of your thoughts, and 2) interrupting your thoughts with any of the following questions:

1. Are you being objective?

2. Is this always true?

3. Was this true in the past?

4. Are you looking at the big picture – or simply focusing on the details?

5. What are the objective odds of this happening? Why? Why not?

6. What is the factual evidence for this?

7. Truthfully, what’s the worst that could happen? Why is this so bad? How would you deal with this?

Shadow Work Journal:

Go on a journey through the deepest and darkest corners of your psyche. Embrace your inner demons, uncover your hidden gifts, and reach the next level of your spiritual growth. This is deep and powerful work!

***

When trying to free yourself from the poison of your subpersonality/s, the goal is to a) challenge, b) look for evidence, and c) maintain an objective state of mind. The biggest creator of pain is subjectivity. Once you use these 7 questions to challenge your subpersonality/s, you will almost certainly find how little truth your self-limiting talk has in reality.

If this article inspired any thoughts in you, I’d love to hear about them below.

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About Aletheia Luna

Aletheia Luna is an influential psychospiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a spiritual counselor, diviner, and author, Luna's mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance. [Read More]

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I truly loved this article. I love your sense of humor and positive attitude.
All the things you’ve listed are true. And I am sure they could work with someone normal (is there such a thing as normal? haha). Thing with me is I am mentally disabled and I find most of the things listed above are going to be next to impossible. I am seeing a shrink and on meds, but still those doubts, that low self esteem, the need to have a true friend and a family who will not speak to me are crippling my efforts, I try so hard every day to wake up and thank God, I appreciate all the little things people tend not to notice,. I am always polite and friendly to all people. And honestly I depend upon the kindnbess of strangers, But during the last 6 years I have lost everything my home, job, car my boyfriend of 20 years I lived in shelters under bridges starved been beaten reobbed rapped. did drugs. So much has happened so quickly in my life that it caused a major mental breakdown. I am now on ssdi wich isn’t enough to even feed me for the month after rent in a rooming house. Yet I try so hard to find the good in life. I must stop regretting, living in the past, get off my depressed ass and do something before I self destruct. Thank you for all your advice . I cant wait to laugh again and find out who the hell I am . because who I was before is gone and I feel like I am starting over as a person. I am praying to God for you and that your readers take heed of all your advice. Don’t let youself be miserable for too long or you will never get out of that situation. Take care and good luck to you all

Wow…I have the Worrier mostly. I always here her but then i say, ‘it is okay, stop worrying, so what?’ It actually helps lol She/Me becomes silent and it is as if I AM my inner self. Which is probably true :D I also here this too ‘Stop worrying, be calm, shhh, relax.’ And then I do.

Thank you for writing this article. This is the perfect day to discover my sub personalities. My Special Ed teaching career is on the line. I have allowed my anxiety and self-doubt to control my ability to correct and learn from my mistakes. Teacher evaluations frighten me and have cost me my first two teaching jobs. Give me a standardized test, no problem, I will ace it. Having my job on the line, brings on an almost PTSD type reaction. I love what I do. Until a principal or district rep. enters my classroom and starts deciding if I am an effective teacher. It’s difficult to pinpoint, but after reading this article, I think I am sabotaging myself. I have always had problems with rejection as well. It helps to share this, as I am deeply ashamed and feel like a failure. I fought so hard to earn my degree and now this…

It sounds like your inner critic has gotten the best of you. My coach told me that when you feel exposed, like you when you have to deliver with a rep. in the room, superfast negative thoughts fly through your head; so fast, you’re not really aware of them. Beside the advises out of the above article you could start practising thinking positive thoughts that work for you repetetively, like “it’s just teaching, just chatting with lovely children; I love this” or whatever works for you. It feels artificial at first, but repeating your favourite positive thought like a mantra in moments of stress (speaking in public e.g.) works for me!
And stay focussed on the ‘content’, in your case teaching, because it will distract you from your anxiety.
Lastly, do not focus on the physical effects of the anxiety, like “my breathing is getting higher, my hands are trembling” because it has adverse effect.
Many many people deal with things like this! You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!
You sound passionate about your job and that’s what matters! Go for it! You can do it!
Love, Anja

Another aspect of these self-sabotaging sub-personalities is that this stuff can become entrenched into our subconscious minds as beliefs if we entertain these lines of negative and limiting self-dialogue long enough…
It is also said by some others, too, that the self-dialogue in our mind each day, along with many of our thoughts is that….they are not all our thoughts, originating from us. Some say at least some of our thoughts and self-dialogue come from so-called “archons”, the Demiurge, the real life Matrix, etc…
It’s kinda hard to know just what to say about that though. If it is true to even some degree or whatever, it could add a hell of a twist to things.
Regardless, we can get a grip on all these limiting and defeating self-dialogue, thoughts, and beliefs. Awareness is a BIG step; questioning these kinds of thoughts and such is another key step to overcoming them.
And thank you and Sol for writing about these kinds of things in an easier to understand way : )

Really good article. I struggle with all 4 Subpersonalities, mainly The Victim. I’ve had generalized anxiety disorder for over 10 years, and told I always self sabotage everything I do. It’s true :(. Being a HSP living in a negative environment with negative family members doesn’t help. I want to change my life so much but that voice in my head telling me “it’s too late” just won’t leave me alone. It doesn’t help that I have an extreme phobia of ageing (I’m 26 and dread the feeling of time passing and growing old physically). Which is probably weird to most. I don’t want the ‘typical Middle aged life’ of most mundane humans, in fact I don’t feel human at all. /sigh every day is just a struggle trying to find anything meaningful or happiness in this world.

I know where you are coming from Scarlett. The environments we find ourselves in play a very BIG role in our general peace of mind and health. If we struggle with emotional and mental balance, constant sources of negativity can be just enough to tip us. I’m not sure exactly what your environment is, but I have never regretted leaving the poisonous atmosphere of my family, although it can be hard at times. I have experienced the most self-growth and strengthening since leaving and becoming my own established person.

Hello!
I’m a big fan of this website and have donated several times :-)
This is one of the many excellent posts you have on here and I love your quizzes as well (I’m a mature soul, an empath, a highly sensitive person, and have a melancholic temperament)

I have a couple of questions:
I know that you, Luna, have dealt with anxiety in the past. How did medication work on you? Also, I have this anxiety that really cripples me. I worry about weird stuff often and I can’t shop/take the train alone. I am almost 18, and I really wish to get my anxiety under control. I can’t even function in a normal school… Do you have any tips?

I am very spiritual (interested in the nature-religion, Wicca) and I love doing yoga. I am also a fan of crystals, my current favorites: turquoise, green aventurine, howlite, rhondonite, citrine, amethyst.

First of all, thank you for your support and interest in this baby of mine. It means the world to me! xx

When you ask about medication, do you mean SSRI’s? These were the types of anti-depressants (which are also used for anxiety) that I was prescribed, and I went through about 5 different types in the period of 6 months. These were dark, numb, days. For me personally, going on SSRI’s made me less anxious, but at the expense of my creativity and general mood balance. I read an article a few months ago about the link with SSRI’s and major episodes of depression, and cognitive impairment (linked also with many school shooting crimes).

This was my experience however – some people believe it was one of the best decisions they ever made. But you need to do your research. Personally, I would not recommend medication for issues like anxiety. Sol actually went into more detail about this very topic: https://lonerwolf.com/anxiety-and-depression/

Alternatives I have tried that have really helped me become more peaceful are: daily meditation (this helps you to become more aware of your thoughts, and to catch your negative self-talk); taking medicinal herbs such as Damiana, Ashwagandha, Siberian Ginseng, Kanna and Valerian in teas (and pills); practicing self-hypnosis and daily affirmations; grounding myself in anxiety-provoking situations by focusing on the feel and texture of a gemstone I carry with me (Tigers Eye). Also, introspection and self-analysis goes a long way in resolving these issues.

I too am interested in nature-based spirituality (have currently been reading up on Druidism), and love Labradorite, Opal, Fluorite and Amber. ;)

Thanks, Luna!
I’m really grateful for your answer… I’m considering talking to my doctor about gradually getting off the medicine :-) (it is called Setralin, but I don’t know if it is well known in other countries… I live in Denmark)
I actually carry my favorite crystals with me in a chain, and I feel that it helps me, too, to hold one and think of the healing energies it contain :-)

Thanks again!
(I was so thrilled when I saw the email in my inbox saying that you’d replied!)

That is a wise move, and once again, do your research! In my own life I haven’t stuck to a single method of treatment, but diversified and explored many avenues, some which worked, and others which didn’t. I’d recommend the same for you.

I hope you continue to find the other articles on this site useful Sheila!
Remember to congratulate yourself for taking the first few steps … this shows that you DO care for yourself, and you’re another step closer to regaining a balanced life.

I have always been aware that I have several ghostly voices lurking in my head,
feeding me with negativity that burdens me everyday. But after reading this,
I can name them now .(all four of them are present in my cramped brain. oh my god.)
Now I know what exactly they are I think i will have a better chance
to deal with them properly :)

Rielle, that is wonderful to hear! I couldn’t have hoped to read anything better, as this was the whole purpose of the article: to help struggling individuals better their lives by giving names to the subpersonalities within them. The more self-aware you are, the better it will be in the long run for you.

Life is SO complicated ! I relate to all of these to some extent which results in a continual dull sense of self loathing. I do believe, in my case at least, it has made me a better person. I believe that because I am so judgmental of myself, and I have a sense of how unfair and illogical that is and I am very unlikely to make judgments about others. I know myself better than anyone, and still make these childish, cruel judgments. How illogical would it be to make judgements of someone who I know so much less intimately ? When I see people who appear to lack any introspective humility at all I am not envious, you can be confident without arrogance. Truly knowing yourself is an ugly business as there is no perfection and the demons are sneaky, acknowledging them removes their power but they still exist and the battle goes on. I choose a grim reality over delusional happiness.. (as if I have a choice!) — Love your stuff Luna, keep it up !!

Tom, thanks for sharing these thoughts. It’s a difficult, and many times painful decision, to choose a grim reality over a delusional happiness, as you put it. The path of self-knowledge was never the most comfortable or easy path, but ultimately is the wisest if we ever hope to cease creating pain and suffering in our lives. In the end, I think one of the best ways to overcome our subpersonalities is to laugh at them. When we slowly become aware of our internal perfectionists, critics, victims and worriers, we can see just how ridiculous they are, and just how amusing it is that we have allowed them to control our lives to such a great extent. After all, we are not our thoughts or emotions – these things wax and wane, come and go, rise and fall. They are transient, so how can they truly be us? We always tend to fool ourselves thinking that we ARE what we think, we ARE what we feel, becoming entangled and involved in whatever rises inside of our minds. When we truly come to realize that our true, unchanging core is that of pure and undiluted consciousness, and when we make space for that in our lives (through meditation etc.), we will find reprieve from our subpersonalities, or false selves. This is the beauty of non-attachment.
Thanks once again for commenting Tom. Warmly, -L

I knew but never really admitted it. I hide behind playing the victim lots of times. Hopefully, this year would be better. I’m optimistic. :)

It’s true what you mentioned. I tend to drive myself to depression just by thinking negative thoughts. I’m more mindful of what I think and I chide myself whenever I begin to think about all the bad things that had happened in my past.

It’s a beautiful thing to become aware of these subpersonalities, and I’m so glad to have shared an article like this with you Glori. Any day is a good day for internal change! Best wishes for your journey, it can be a bumpy road (and thanks very much for the feedback on the new look!)

Matt, the best thing to understand is that you HAVE seen this. To think you’re a lost cause, or to think that hope has died is a demonstration of the Victim mindset. Once you see the problem, then you can work to change. There are no quick fixes, or instant solutions, but I know that you can regain what you lost with enough will power. I slowly am, it’s very frustrating at times, but lots of people are in the same position. Good luck :)

My father used to tell me I could do better no matter what I acheived, and I wasn’t put down by this so much because I knew it was true. I think we can use some of these negative thoughts to our advantage, much can be acheived through painful self-improvement and striving to do better because that’s what life is ultimately – evolving and growth.

Then again I never really worked out what ”better” means. Some sort of insight you gain from other peoples perception.

You make an interesting point. I believe it’s unnecessary to make yourself a self-sacrificial martyr, who grits his teeth and makes his life deliberately “painful” in order to live up to other people’s expectations. Striving for the highest, in the case of your fathers advice, is not the same as an unhealthy obsessive desire to self flagellate, in order to do better.

To me, it’s a bad idea to use some of these negative thinking patterns to try and improve yourself. Each of these 4 subpersonalities are riddled with mental traps; unrealistic expectations, comparisons, negative self-defacing beliefs and assumptions. It’s a sick and tiring way to live life.

For a long time I tried to seek approval and justification for my existence outside of myself. I’m sure you still do to some extent. But everything outside of you can be taken away in the blink of an eye, which is why it’s so dangerous to gain your self esteem, and your sense of being “good” from other people. It is so transient, and fragile – you end up feeling shattered and self-hating constantly. The true joy and peace comes when you discover you can approve and justify yourself, by yourself.

Yep. Critic and Perfectionist at your service. Takes a bow. Sees that nobody is impressed and some snicker. Retreats telling self “That was stupid. Why do you ALWAYS try to impress people and make a fool of yourself in the process???”
PS. Apparently I can not use the greater than signs. it messes up with the code. Oh well.

Ah Imik, the perils of finding our sense of worth outside ourselves :-/ Hopefully the suggestions above for overcoming your two subpersonalities comes in use. At least you’re somewhat aware and mindful of what is limiting your happiness now, right?
(Do you mean these signs > < ? They seem to work.) Thanks for commenting, and best wishes in your quest for self acceptance and appreciation. :)

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Walk the path less traveled

Our names are Aletheia Luna and Mateo Sol and we currently live in Perth, Western Australia.

Our mission is to help others embrace the path of the lone wolf and listen to the soul’s calling. Our goal is to provide a grounded and balanced perspective of spirituality that doesn’t bypass the raw, real, and messy aspects of spiritual growth or psychological development.

We are deeply drawn to exploring and exposing both the light and shadow side of human nature and spirituality. We strive towards integration, balance, wholeness, and embracing both the sacred and wild aspects of being human. Read more.