True Story: I have been avoiding BP way before your Momma met your Poppa.

Since recent events in our precious Gulf of Mexico have sent BP oil spewing all over the place, I am flooded with nightmares of my nemesis who works at the Money Back BP Station in Orange Beach, AL.

True Story: Unfortunately, the meanest of all Meanies works at the closest gas station to my house. Therefore, I can’t shop at this gas station now for 2 reasons: 1) BP Corporation is a Liar Liar Pants on Fire, and 2) A sad man who hates human beings works the cash register on the afternoon/evening shift.

This really irks me that I can’t shop here, because it is a nice clean store with a great wine selection for a stop n shop. This would normally be where I would stop for a bottle of wine on the way home from work (Not EVERYDAY… Geez). But now, I have to search for a parking spot and walk my tired ass into a REAL grocery store in order to avoid the jerks (BP & Meany).

Latest 3 Examples of Meany’s bad behavior:

1) I was checking out with Meany when a sweet, older man walked in the store behind me.

Older Man: Excuse me sir, I can’t get Pump # 3 to work? Could you help me?

Meany: I’ll be with you in a minute… And if your bad attitude continues, you can purchase gas somewhere else.

Older man: Speechless

Me: (Mouthing) WTF???

2) I stop on the way home one evening for a bottle of wine to accompany our dinner. I put it on the counter in front of Meany.

Meany: I need to see your ID.

Me: No Problem. (Hey I’m pushy 35, can you say compliment)?

Meany: It’s not my problem.

Me: Okay…

He studies the ID for a good 90 seconds. He apparently wants the goods and services to leave the Money Back BP only under mandatory circumstances.

Meany: Your ID expires in November.

It’s like March maybe.

Me: Okay.

I’m now toe-tapping to get my ID back, pay the man and get the hell out of creepy store.

Meany: (Raising his voice) I have to check this.

Me: (Lighthearted) Oh I know, I don’t care.

Meany: I don’t care either… I DON’T CARE IF YOU EVER COME BACK IN HERE AGAIN.

Me: (Staring into his hateful eyes) Dude. You hate yourself.

I ran out the door.

3) I stopped by the Money Back BP around 2pm one afternoon thinking it was too early in the day for Meany’s shift to start… Wrong. I walked in, locked eyes with him… Threw my hands in the air, swore and stomped out.

True Story: I complained to his manager one morning. She told me to really piss him off… I should buy about $200 worth of stuff and put it on the counter and that would really “stick it to him”.

Good Idea lady. She clearly has no plans to fire him, so I have no plans to shop there.