14 October 2015

Wednesday What?

All day I've been feeling... weird.

I can't name the emotions yet (probably because there are several present), but I feel weird knowing our dossier is being sent to Uganda. After thinking and thinking, I realized at least why I'm feeling weird:

We've never hit this step in our adoption before. We are now officially entering new territory. Up to sending our dossier off, we've done it before. We had a dossier 80% complete when we got on the wait list for our original agency (all of our documents that aren't birth records expired and had to be reattained) 3 years ago. We didn't even finish our home study update when we lost Helene to the DRC closing.

I'm so afraidexcited. Excitafraid? We're getting really close to being able to meet the girls. To actually see them, to interact with them. You parents, you remember your first moments with your newborn? Imagine if, instead of nine months of anticipation, your baby has been gestating for fifty months. Yes, we've been actively taking steps to adopt for fifty months. Our joy will be like the sunrise.

Sunrise over the Kazinga Channel.

The what-ifs are getting equally as real, and it has become a daily struggle to throw off waves of anxiety about the possibility that there has been corruption in our adoption, or that the judge will say no. I don't think I need to explain how devastated we would be to go to Uganda full of hope and have those hopes shattered.

I don't want this blog to become Michelle's Prayer Request Update, but I also want to have grace with myself and recognize that this is a pretty intense time in our lives, and we could really use prayer.