Thursday, December 22, 2011

Three days till Christmas, and I'm caught up in the annual chaos. But I'm alive and I'm abstinent. This has been a rough patch, but I'm alive and I'm abstinent. Christ has come. Emmanuel means "God with us." I'm so grateful for the incarnation. God enfleshed. Miracle and mystery. Salvation.

I'm alive and I'm abstinent. Someday - after all the Christmas services I have to plan and lead, after my trip to visit family in Indiana - I'll post again.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I surrender. Again. I give up. I have to admit that I can't do this on my own. I am whipped. I am beat. I am hopeless and helpless without my Higher Power.

Since leaving HOW, I've had to experience again the insanity of my disease. I've had to go back to the sneaking food and the crazy thinking and the denials and the daily weigh-ins. I've obsessed over food and said I'd "start again tomorrow." I've gained at least 10 pounds. I've hated myself. I've given up the tools of the program, saying I really didn't need them, that I could just try a little harder, have a little more self-control.

The problem is, I don't have any self-control. I just don't. I have to surrender to the control of God. I have to give my life and my will to God's care. I'm so grateful I didn't have to gain 80 pounds back before I came home. I'm so glad I didn't have to eat myself to death. Because I could.

Thanks to all of you who have commented here and even emailed me. I'll get around to responding. I promise.

I'm back. Thanks for your love and support. I know you welcome me back with open arms. Because OA is home for me. It's home.

Charlie's Been Abstinent...

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Are You a Compulsive Overeater?

Here are some questions to ask yourself. The only requirement to become a member of Overeaters Anonymous is a desire to stop eating compulsively.

1. Do you eat when you're not hungry?2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?4. Do you give too much time and thought to food?5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?10. Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating?11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish?12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?