Sunday, November 7, 2010

"Sex is like the death penalty: one outcome, so many different ways of carrying it out."~Stephen Colbert

Holy scheisse!

Last Monday, we were at full capacity in Day Program. 14 anorexics were crammed in around the Dining Room table, using our sharp, pointy elbows as weapons to jostle each other for more room.

When I walked into the dining room with my brekkers on Friday morning and sat down to eat, I was surprised by the number of people that smirked back at me.

We were down to seven - which included one new girl.

Physio had gone on ‘Reflection’ last week (ie: Adult Timeout). She apparently came back in yesterday to tell the facilitators to go fuck themselves (haha! I hope that's what she did) though I never got to see her. Which sucks, cuz I never got her number, and I'll prolly never see her again. Mumbles is currently in hop-sital again, back in good ol’ Unit 32, cuz her heart and her potassium levels are both shite. Big Red, Cute Cate, and Sunny Sienna have all done a bunk too, which leaves only: myself, Day Program, Buchenwald-the-Lifer, Mazda-3, the Beautiful Cutter,Very Tall, and the Only Obese One, who is the new girl.

Though I have just realized, I haven’t actually bothered to introduce you to any of the players in Day Program yet, have I? Prolly cuz, as the title suggests, they are dropping like fucking flies. So why bother, hey?

And guess who might be next on the chopping block?

Your favorite mentaler and mine...ME.

Yup, tomorrow morning is my weigh-in for Week Four, and since I have been struggling for the past week and a half, I have a serious sense of foreboding about this.

I have to gain 1.1 lbs a week to stay in the program. After lunch yesterday, I trotted upstairs to me mum’s room and stepped on the scale (she can’t be arsed to hide it anymore), fully clothed.

It said 132.5 lbs.

Which would mean that I have only gained 0.6 of a pound since last week - and I wasn’t even butt naked, as I will be in the nurse’s office (well, in a paper robe). Which means I prolly haven’t gained that weight at all, it was just the jeans and the belt and the sweater. It is entirely possible, then, that actually, I have lost a bit of weight.

Yes! No! Fuck! ARGH! Shit! Hooray! FUCK! Yay!

Ah well. At least I’m not conflicted about it.

So of course I spent the weekend NOT eating more so I could gain the weight and stay in the program, but instead continuing with my shitty behaviours while trying to come up with an alternative. Rolls of loonies down my panties? Hmmm. Maybe. Rolls of loonies up my shazzer? NO. Okay, okay, what else? Um...ankle weight wrapped around my waist? That would have to be a fat fucking ankle weight, haha! Do you have any better ideas, fuck face? No, I don't. Yeah, I didn’t think you did, so shaddup.

I was sitting at the kitchen table in my parents house this afternoon, eating a plate of steamed veggies and trying to figure out how I could wear 25 pounds of shiny gold bling to program tomorrow, without arousing suspicion that I'd turned to a life of crime. Mum walked in and clocked me brooding, and pounced.

“So? What’s your weight?” she asked casually, pretending she needed to wash her hands in the sink. (I knew better, she was just being nosyconcerned).

“132.5,” I mumbled through a mouthful of carrots.

“And? Is that enough to stay in program?” she asked.

“Nope.”

“I just finished reading this story by Bryce Courtney,” she said, leaning against the counter, and I thought, What the fuck does that have to do with anything? “It was called The Potato Eaters.”

I am not eating a bunch of fucking potatoes, I thought, eyeing her mutinously. Or if I was, I was just gonna throw ‘em back up again. Which sort of defeated the purpose of anything, here.

“They were trying to smuggle diamonds out of England. So they hid them in the woman.” She gave me a pointed look. “Kage?”

“The diamonds they were smuggling out of England. They hid them in the woman.”

“In the woman?” I repeated. “Where in the woman?”

“In her vagina,” Mum stage-whispered, and I recoiled in horror.

“Ewwww, Mum! You're not supposed to know what a vagina is!” I screamed. Then I was struck with an even more horrible thought, and I stopped short. “Wait a minute. Just what the buggery hell are you suggesting here, anyway?”

“Nothing,” Mum said smoothly, wiping down the counters quickly and efficiently. “Just maybe you should wear lots of extra clothes tomorrow.”

“We get weighed in our pelts, Ma.”

“Oh. Then you should wear really heavy jewelry,” she suggested brightly.

“I don’t think that’s gonna cut it,” I sighed.

“Well,” she tossed the rag into the sink, and wiped her hands on a tea towel. “If this program really means something to you, Kage, you’ll find a way to stay in it.”

My brother suggested I may like this web site. He used to be entirely right.This put up truly made my day. You can not imagine simply how so much time I had spent for this info!Thanks!Also visit my page ... best us online casinos

Please let me know if you're looking for a author for your site. You have some really great articles and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd absolutely love to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.

It is appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few interesting things or suggestions. Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article.I wish to read even more things about it!

Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It will always be exciting to read content from other writers and practice a little something from other web sites.

When I originally commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Cheers!

Thanks for one's marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it, you are a great author.I will be sure to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back later on. I want to encourage you to definitely continue your great work, have a nice evening!

Just wish to say your article is as astonishing.The clearness for your submit is simply nice and that i can assume you are knowledgeable in this subject. Well along with your permission let me to snatch your RSS feed to keep updated with impending post. Thank you a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.

I am really loving the theme/design of your site. Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility issues?A handful of my blog audience have complained about my site not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any recommendations to help fix this issue?

I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here.The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish.nonetheless, you command get bought an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following.unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this increase.

What's Taking place i'm new to this, I stumbled upon this I have discovered It positively useful and it has helped me out loads.I am hoping to give a contribution & assist different users like its aided me. Good job.

Looking at this post reminds me of my previous roommate!He continually kept talking about this. I most certainly will send this post to him.Fairly certain he will have a great read. Thank you for sharing!

I am not sure where you're getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for wonderful info I was looking for this information for my mission.

Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Thank you so much, However I am having problems with your RSS.I don't know why I can't subscribe to it. Is there anybody having the same RSS problems? Anyone who knows the answer will you kindly respond?Thanx!!

Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers?My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing a few months of hard work due to no data backup. Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?

Hi there would you mind stating which blog platform you're working with? I'm planning to start my own blog soon but I'm having a hard time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I'm looking for something unique.P.S Sorry for being off-topic but I had to ask!

Heya superb blog! Does running a blog like this require a massive amount work? I've very little knowledge of programming but I had been hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyhow, should you have any suggestions or tips for new blog owners please share. I understand this is off topic however I just had to ask. Kudos!

When I originally commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service?Bless you!

Have you ever considered writing an ebook or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based on the same ideas you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information.I know my visitors would enjoy your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e mail.

Howdy! This article could not be written much better!Reading through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept talking about this. I am going to send this post to him. Pretty sure he will have a very good read. Thank you for sharing!

Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to assert that I get in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently quickly.

It's perfect time to make some plans for the long run and it is time to be happy. I have learn this publish and if I may I desire to suggest you few attention-grabbing things or advice. Perhaps you could write subsequent articles relating to this article. I want to read even more issues approximately it!

You're so interesting! I don't suppose I've truly read through a single thing like that before. So great to find another person with a few unique thoughts on this subject. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This web site is something that is required on the internet, someone with some originality!

What i don't realize is in fact how you're no longer actually a lot more neatly-liked than you may be now. You are very intelligent. You recognize therefore considerably with regards to this subject, made me in my opinion believe it from so many various angles.Its like women and men don't seem to be interested except it is something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. Always handle it up!

Hello there! This article could not be written any better!Reading through this post reminds me of my previous roommate!He always kept talking about this. I will forward this post to him. Pretty sure he'll have a very good read. Thank you for sharing!

I have been surfing online greater than 3 hours lately, but I by no means discovered any fascinating article like yours.It's pretty value sufficient for me. In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made just right content as you did, the internet will likely be a lot more useful than ever before.

Simply desire to say your article is as astonishing.The clarity in your submit is simply nice and that i can suppose you're an expert on this subject. Well along with your permission allow me to take hold of your feed to keep updated with drawing close post. Thank you 1,000,000 and please carry on the gratifying work.

Hello There. I discovered your blog using msn.That is a very neatly written article. I'll make sure to bookmark it and come back to learn more of your helpful info. Thank you for the post. I'll certainly comeback.

Thank you for another informative blog. Where else may just I get that type of information written in such a perfect manner? I've a undertaking that I'm simply now running on, and I've been on the look out for such information.

Great post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed!Extremely useful information specifically the last part :) I care for such info much. I was seeking this certain info for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

It's the best time to make some plans for the long run and it's time to be happy.I have learn this put up and if I may just I want to counsel you few attention-grabbing things or tips.Perhaps you can write subsequent articles regarding this article.I wish to read even more things about it!

Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but instead of that, this is excellent blog.An excellent read. I'll certainly be back.

Somebody essentially help to make severely posts I might state.That is the first time I frequented your web page and to this point? I amazed with the analysis you made to make this particular put up incredible.Magnificent process!

Attractive portion of content. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to claim that I get actually loved account your blog posts. Any way I'll be subscribing on your augment and even I success you get right of entry to consistently quickly.

Hello there! This article could not be written any better!Looking at this post reminds me of my previous roommate!He constantly kept preaching about this. I'll send this article to him. Pretty sure he's going to have a great read. Many thanks for sharing!

Thanks for your personal marvelous posting!I truly enjoyed reading it, you are a great author.I will make certain to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back in the foreseeable future.I want to encourage continue your great work, have a nice holiday weekend!

Hey! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoy reading through your posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects? Thanks!

Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article.I will be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I will definitely return.

Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon every day. It will always be exciting to read content from other authors and practice a little something from their web sites.

Please let me know if you're looking for a article author for your site. You have some really good articles and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd absolutely love to write some material for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.Please shoot me an email if interested. Thanks!

A lot of times it's challenging to get that "perfect balance" between superb usability and appearance. I must say you've done a very good job with this. In addition, the blog loads very quick for me on Firefox.Outstanding Blog!

An impressive share! I've just forwarded this onto a colleague who has been conducting a little research on this. And he actually ordered me dinner simply because I stumbled upon it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending some time to discuss this subject here on your blog.

Hi there would you mind stating which blog platform you're working with? I'm planning to start my own blog in the near future but I'm having a difficult time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I'm looking for something completely unique. P.S Apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

Hi I am so happy I found your weblog, I really found you by mistake, while I was researching on Askjeeve for something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like to say thanks a lot for a incredible post and a all round thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design), I don't have time to look over it all at the moment but I have saved it and also included your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a great deal more, Please do keep up the fantastic work.

Fantastic blog! Do you have any hints for aspiring writers?I'm hoping to start my own blog soon but I'm a little lost on everything.Would you suggest starting with a free platform like Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I'm completely overwhelmed .. Any tips? Many thanks!

I know this if off topic but I'm looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is required to get setup? I'm assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I'm not very web smart so I'm not 100% sure. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Please let me know if you're looking for a author for your site. You have some really great articles and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd really like to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.Please blast me an e-mail if interested. Cheers!

Fantastic beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your web site, how can i subscribe for a blog web site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear concept

I think this is one of the most vital information for me.And i'm satisfied studying your article. But wanna statement on few normal issues, The site style is great, the articles is actually great : D. Good process, cheers

I have always disliked the idea because of the costs.But he's tryiong none the less. I've been using WordPress on numerous websites for about a year and am worried about switching to another platform.I have heard good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it? Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!