Pages

Monday, July 30, 2012

The US female Olympic soccer goal keeper, Hope Solo, was conceived in prison. That's not news, everybody knew that. BUT, what you may not have known (until now) is that the prison was detention block AA23 on an Imperial Star Destroyer in a galaxy far, far away.

Monday, July 23, 2012

You may have seen the commercials telling you that gold prices are at an all time high, and now is the time to sell that old unwanted jewelry. There are even gold buying stores popping up in malls across the country, offering to pay top dollar for unwanted gold, silver or platinum trinkets.

Every liquor producer in the world is publicly encouraging us to enjoy their product responsibly and drink in moderation and yet their increasing package sizes send out a different message. The sudden increase in availability of numerous beer brands in the 16 ounce can format, which are quickly becoming known as 'pounders', suggest that alcoholic beverage producers want us to drink more.

The newest large format product due to be released upon the unsuspecting (21+) public comes from Jack Daniel's and will be known as 'Jack in a box'. Basically this is a 3 liter wine box but with 80 proof Jack Daniel's inside the bag, rather than Franzia White Zinfandel.

This has nothing to do with Sgt Pepper and everything to do with Sgt Penguin. Today is the second anniversary of Slap the Penguin, or My Twist as it was called 731 days ago. The first ever post was published on 22nd July 2010 and was titled "Easy Targets - Mel Gibson and BP"

Friday, July 20, 2012

Hi, I'm Alexa Rankin, and I am still the newest member of the Slap the Penguin team. Anyone who has been paying attention to our site recently will know that we are fast approaching our second anniversary and I would like to take the opportunity to send a request out to all the loyal (and not so loyal) readers to like our facebook page.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

United Airlines are taking a step closer to being called Non-United Airlines by clamping down on passengers using the airplane toilets to join the infamous mile high club, with their 'No Double Occupancy' rule.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

As part of our second anniversary 'celebration' I am looking at how most of you people got here. According to a trusted source, two thirds ofyou penguin slappers came via a google search, but what exactly were you looking for?﻿﻿﻿

Friday, July 13, 2012

This month I am curious about the mix of males and females visiting the site so please take the opportunity to register your sex and share vital demographic data with our sponsors who will use this information to decide whether to put ads for Tools or Dish Soap on our site. You have until July 31st to make your opinion count.

Rather than write my own post, I will be lazy and just link a post from a previous Friday 13th, written by ex-penguin slapper Menaj Attwar.

Wow, stealing other peoples work is actually much easier than writing your own stuff. I wish I thought of that when I was writing homework assignments. Anyway, happy Friday 13th, be safe and try to avoid using clichés.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Hot on the heels of western science announcing the discovery of the God particle, a group of Asian scientists working in Columbo, Sri Lanka have released evidence of the discovery of what they are calling the Buddha particle.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

One of the first things you learn when playing sports is to KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL. This also applies when watching sports, especially when you are in danger of getting hit by flying objects during the game.

Travis Decker completely ignored this keen advice last Friday at the Reds vs. Padres game. Instead of watching an exciting game of baseball he was updating his facebook status, when out of the blue came a foul ball which gave him a little more than a 'Poke'.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

UK immigration officials have announced that multi-gold winning US swimmer, Michael Phelps, will not be permitted to enter Britain to compete in the 2012 London Olympics due to his history of drug use.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

July 2012 is a very exciting month for the crew at Slap the Penguin, and not because we are fans of the Olympic Games. This July marks the second anniversary of Slap the Penguin across it's many (two) incarnations.

Wow, it feels good to be back, and just in time for a new piece of 8 Bit News, where we can focus on the story at hand without being distrac...

Welcome

Welcome to Slap the Penguin, a collection of the finest comedy minds sharing their wit and wisdom to the world. We offer satirical news, social commentary with just a sprinkling of slapstick.

If you like what we do, tell your friends, if you don't like what we do then tell your friends anyway, they probably have a better sense of humor than you do.

We have subscribed to many social media outlets including facebook, twitter, pinterest and google+. You can follow one or all of our shallow networking efforts so that you will never miss a slap, and we can increase our numbers.

Now you can slap back

Name

Email
*

Message
*

Visitors Since July 2010

Disclaimer

Slap the Penguin is a satirical news blog and as such is intended to be funny. Since the definition of comedy is broad and humor is subjective, we cannot be held responsible for posts which the reader deems to be unfunny. If you wish to complain about the standards of humor please send an email to garbagecan@slapthepenguin.com and your complaint will be dealt with accordingly.

Many of the posts on these pages are fictional and many of the facts are made up. The facts may have originally been based in truth, but at some point they have been manipulated to make the post funnier or more believable.

As a satire/parody/spoof/news blog, we invoke the right to use images according to fair use laws, both as a news reporting service and as a source of satirical comedy. If you are (or represent) the copyright owner of any images used on this site, we urge you to contact us in order to come to an arrangement regarding use of the imagery. We would be delighted to credit the copyright owner and link to the source of the image or the owner's website.

Additionally, no penguins were harmed in the making of this blog.

By reading this blog, you agree to conform to the term and conditions laid out below.

We wrote this and it's ours. Do not steal. We are willing to share so contact us for details.

We use adserving devices on our pages, each of which have their own cookie policies. We invite you to familiarize yourself with their own T&C and procedures for opting out.

Slap the Penguin writers are entitled to half of your worldly possessions and that we can access these possessions at any time with 7 days notice. We can also liquidate said assets and keep the profits for our own personal use. If you do not accept this condition you must leave the page within 30 seconds.