On Pegging

For those who are unfamiliar, pegging is the act of a person who does not have a penis putting on a strapon and penetrating their partner with it anally. Most of the time, it refers to a cis woman anally penetrating a cis man. And it is the shit. (Pun entirely intended.)

To be clear: lots of people do not like things in their ass. It hurts! They find it utterly squicky because that’s the place where poo comes from! They tried it and it is so profoundly meh that they don’t really want to do it again! They find anal play triggering because they survived abuse! Whatever, it is all cool, “no” is a complete sentence, and the only feminist sex is having exactly the sex you want– whether that’s quadruple-penetration while being suspended and on fire or none at all.

But what annoys me is that there are a lot of straight cis dudes who would probably totally enjoy having things up their asses who don’t get to put things up their asses because of our sex-negative and homophobic culture. It is ridiculous. People should be able to enjoy whatever sexual things they find pleasurable without worrying about whether it secretly makes you gay.

Look: what your nerves do has absolutely no relation to what your sexual orientation is. It is not like gay and bi men have magic wiring that makes anal sex pleasurable for them and not for straight men. Cis dudes all have the same bits! There was a similar fight back in the days of the Lesbian Sex Wars*, when a bunch of people decided that lesbians shouldn’t penetrate each other because it’s phallocentric and male-defined sex. (Even though lesbians can have penises, but as a rule those people didn’t like trans people very much either.) But the thing is that you can be a totally liberated woman-identified woman and still enjoy having something inside your vagina when you’re horny. Just like you can be the straightest straight dude that ever straighted and still want to have something in your ass when you’re turned on.

As Susie Bright said at the time, “penetration is as heterosexual as kissing.” Or, one might add, as homosexual.

While I am ranting, I would like to point out that there are sex-positive advantages to pegging. For one thing, empathy! Lots of people with vaginas don’t realize how difficult penetration is. You get sore in places that you didn’t even realize existed. On the other hand, lots of people with penises are not particularly clear on the advantages of relaxation and lubricant when one is trying to get five inches of cylindrical object inside one’s body. For another, it gets away from the “sex is always and everywhere foreplay until a penis enters a vagina and then ejaculates” model of sex. Which is a fine model! I’ve had excellent sex that fit that model! But it is not the only model. Mashed potatoes, steak, and a vegetable is a fine meal, but it will get somewhat wearying if that’s the only thing you eat for the rest of your life and people recommend ‘spicing it up’ by switching out the zucchini for asparagus. How about we get some couscous up in this joint?

Ozy Frantz is a student at a well-respected Hippie College in the United States. Zie bases most of zir life decisions on Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, and identifies more closely with Pinkie Pie than is probably necessary. Ozy can be contacted at [email protected] or on Twitter as @ozyfrantz. Writing is presently Ozy's primary means of support, so to tip the blogger, click here.

Comments

Naomi Wolf’s book, *Vagina,* of course, which was panned in a contentless snark article by Zoe Heller in this last week’s New York Review, should be named *Vulva,” and I know Wolf knows better. But I can hear the editor:

Editor: Naomi, we can’t call it Vulva. We have to take advantage of the big bump we’re gonna get from the Vagina Monologues.

Naomi: It’s just wrong. Women fought to have the parts
of their sex organ taken seriously. Now these people only want to define it by the most hidden part– it’s crazy. We have the clitoris, the labiae minorae, the labiae majorae. The damn thing sticks out, for God’s sake. More if you’re turned on. Everything swells up. We can’t call it Vagina. It’s Vulva or nothing.

Editor: Sorry, I just talked to Hillary on the phone. She’s been on the phone to our advisory board of academics– and they say “vagina” is in. We’ll get a big bump. Remember, we’re in sex negative mode now, so no giving men details. And we’ve hired Zoe Heller to really snark you to build up sales. We aren’t gonna publish without this title.

Naomi: Okay. Damnit!

Editor: Hey, can you put in some mystical stuff about vaginal orgasms and seeing Christ? That’ll really capture the New Age market

Once again I have been pleasantly surprised. Based on the title, I was worried that this would turn into some sort of “You must have ‘X’ type of sex or you can’t truly be liberated/have good sex/have an equal relationship/whatever”

But as usual you kinda surprised me, as it’s not a post about “Why pegging makes you a better lover” but rather “Why pegging is not a bad thing, and in fact has X advantages” without making it “Thus if you don’t have it you’r ebad.”

I know, but it goes beyond that sometimes. I remember Howard Stern (yeah, I know) writing about how he couldn’t imagine gay sex because it would be like “sticking his dick in a garbage pail” but he also talks about performing anal on his wife. I didn’t think women’s butts are somehow bacteria free.

That totally makes sense to me…it’s not simply of matter of applying Stimulus X to Part Y, it’s also who is involved and various other factors that make something either “yes, hot!” or “meh…no thanks” or “nope, not interested.” I’m a straight woman and I love cunnilingus when performed by a guy I’m attracted to but am not at all interested in getting it from a woman as I am not at all attracted/turned on by women. But that’s just me…sex is so very variable among humans

A good point. It’s like to keep dudes from having all the sexual options their biology can handle folks have gotten into their heads to keep said dudes on edge about what sex acts to get into. Can’t have guys making sexual choices that others would not approve of you know.

Reading this made me really happy for some reason. I have a history of putting things in my ass out of curiosity (everyone does) and I kinda want to try being pegged someday. I’ve already done double-pegging many times and it’s FUN! It’s not what you think it is, though. Google it.

Meh. I let a woman try this in 1982, and my butt just stung for 24 hours. Yes, it was in far enough to reach the prostate– but it was nothing. Now, run a hand down the inside of my forearm and I just melt.

I have sex with my partner in all kinds of ways and for all kinds of reasons. Frequently I do not have exactly the sex that I want. It’s not that she’s violating my consent, or even that anything bad is happening at all – sex just means compromise sometimes. She wants me to go down on her when I would rather be doing anal? Okay, sure, I can do that this time, no problem. I will happily trade the sex that I would rather be having for the long-term benefit of strengthening my bond with my partner.

Yes, and you’re saying “I want to go down on you, even though that’s not the sex act I would prefer in the moment, in order to strengthen the bond with you.” It is still sex you want. The reasons for wanting the sex are immaterial to me. I specifically did not choose to say “enthusiastic consent” for a reason. Or “sex that gets you off,” or “sex that turns you on,” or whatever.

“But what annoys me is that there are a lot of straight cis dudes who would probably totally enjoy having things up their asses who don’t get to put things up their asses because of our sex-negative and homophobic culture.”

It annoys me because Pegging is what I teach about. The misconceptions are pervasive and strong…and so very incorrect! It’s just one more way to experience amazing amounts of pleasure for heterosexual couples.

I think pegging is a really great thing for straight people to try out at least once (if they have the opportunity with the right partner.. that’s important). Even if you decide you don’t want to do it again, it’s a great learning experience for both people. Men can learn what’s it’s like to be penetrated.. sure, it’s not the same as a vagina but to be penetrated one must be relaxed and turned on and able to trust that their partner won’t be too rough or ignore their feedback if they say they want them to do it differently. It’s good to realise how vulnerable being penetrated can be. It’s also good for a woman to try on the penetrator role, to realise how tricky it can be to learn how to move in a way that pleases your partner, and how exhausting some positions are for the man!

I was introduced to pegging by this guy I dated…that was 4 yrs ago, now every guy I meet the first thing they ask me have I ever tried pegging…. I love pegging a sexy man with a sexy rock hard body. Its beautiful to see a man lay there and moan like a woman, because he taking deep inside his anus…and It makes me just take over and fully give him what he wants.. its a beautiful feeling..seriously

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