Whimsy from the world of golf

An outstanding woman golfer reluctantly agreed to play in the husband and wife alternate shot tournament at her club. She teed off on the first hole, a par four, hitting a great drive down the middle of the fairway. Upon reaching the ball, she said to her husband, a notorious hacker: “Just hit it toward the green, honey. Anywhere around there will be fine.”
The husband proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the wife said, “That’s okay, sweetheart.”
She found the ball in a horrible position, but played the shot of her life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. She told her husband to knock the ball in.
Her husband hit the putt too hard and the ball rolled off the green and into a bunker. Still maintaining her composure, the wife summoned all her skill and holed the shot from the bunker.
She took the ball out of the hole and while walking off the green, calmly said to her husband, “Honey, that was a bogey five and that’s okay, but I think we can do better on the next hole.”
To which he replied, “Listen, don’t complain to me. Only two of those five shots were mine.”
Great golf lines of our time
“These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.” — Sam Snead
“I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool.” — George Brett
“Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a seven to do that.” — Jim Murray
“The only sure rule in golf is: He who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.” — Mickey Mantle
“Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.” — Kevin Costner
“I don't fear death, but I sure don’t like those three-footers for par.” — Chi Chi Rodriguez
“After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back 10 minutes later with a ham on rye.” — Chi Chi Rodriguez
“The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.” — Brian Weis
“Swing hard in case you hit it.” — Dan Marino
“My favourite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.” — Lord Robertson
“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” — Jack Benny
“There is no similarity between golf and putting. They are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.” — Ben Hogan
“Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20 per cent of the time, you're the best.” — Jack Nicklaus
“The uglier a man’s legs are the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law.” — H. G. Wells
“I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.” — Billy Graham
“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” — Bob Hope
“While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.” — Henny Youngman
“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” — Jack Lemmon
“You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.” — Lee Trevino
“I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.” — Lee Trevino