New Adventures In Anachronism

There are infinite uses for bacon. You can stick it in your sandwich. Wrap a bird in it. Microwave it, fry it on the stove, the campfire, the grill. Make jelly out of it. Use it to make a burnt offering to a primeval demon. Decorate the cat. Choke on it and die and become a pork ghost/frankenbacon. Eat it. Cure yourself of a sexual obsession with your sister. Use it as a temporary adhesive. Use it as a temporary bandage, get a deadly infection, have your arm amputated in an abandoned war hospital by a giggling doctor using rusted equipment. Make bacon-wrapped hors d’ouevres. Lose your soul.

Baconology: Sizzling Strips of Horror, the new (circa July) anthology from the Library of Horror Press, lists even more novel uses for the miracle meat. Tame an attacking velociraptor. Become a bad-ass commander of ninjas (yes, that’s the title of one of the stories). It includes my short story, “Home Cured,” which is essentially a bacon-infused ghost story-cum-slasher-cum-psychological thriller. And it is available now from Amazon.com, for the low price of $10.04. That’s less than the price of 6 12-oz cans of Bacon Spam. And unlike Bacon Spam, you can enjoy it again and again and again…until you die.

Been banging my head against this parcel. Nothing is forthcoming. Pretty soon I might have to open the book. But I fear it.

In the meantime, I’ve updated the “About” and “Readme” pages to reflect recent publications. I’ve also posted a comprehensive report on the entity known as Slender Man over at TerrorFlicks.com. Don’t mistake this for a review. It’s not a game. I’ve seen it.

I’ve also written up a review of From Software’s new soul-trap Dark Souls for same. This is a game. But it is also, until I have broken free of its clutches, the walking husk that my life has become. As the trailer says, “Prepare to die/fight/struggle/endure/suffer/live.” What they leave out is that, no matter what you think you know, you will always be unprepared.

From the review:

It speaks to how meticulously and relentlessly Dark Souls shatters your spirits that when a message promised me treasure ahead, or things became quiet and peaceful, it only resulted in me clinging more tightly to my shield and praying for a break in the tension. It isn’t as though Dark Souls hadn’t betrayed my trust before. There was that time I came upon an interesting-looking outcrop on the hillside, and as I got closer I realized it was the petrified remains of a giant dragon. I was just remarking how cool it was when the thing came to life and killed me in a single swipe. Or when I was standing on a balcony fiddling with my options (Dark Souls never pauses) when a fat-assed demon jumped up from below and pounded me into a bloody smear. But those moments when you expect something to happen, and nothing happens, are the most excruciating of all.

Others have seen Him too. Others have not survived…but you might get lucky. There are still a few who are fighting Him, fighting to survive or fighting for answers, no matter how painful the search. Can you help me/yourself/them/us?

I’m still working on deciphering that mysterious parcel. It’s a puzzle, alright, but for the time being, at least, it appears to be a benign one. I’ve still got my own (authentic) writing to worry about, so please bear with me.

In the meantime, my coverage of the 2011 H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival in San Pedro has been published at Innsmouth Free Press. If you’re thinking they just showed Re-Animator twelve times, you might be in for a surprise. Some of the most fascinating films were also the most unexpected, so it might be worth your while to give it a look even if you’re not a Lovecraft ghoul. You can find my review of night one here, night two here.