I need help!!

Me and my girl have been together on and off for 3 years. In the beginning we had sex pretty much everyday for the first year and that slowly went away. Fast foward to now and we don't have sex unless I really go after it. Yesterday I told her that I wanted her and she told me she was really horny too but we didn't have sex. I ask her why she didn't want to and she said she wanted it to happen naturally. Now my question is if she doesn't want me to push for it and she hardly ever goes after me how does she expect it to happen naturally? I don't get what she wants and she couldn't even explain it to me. Can anyone explain this to me?

P.S When we do have sex it is always AMAZING and she always cums multiple times so its not me.

Gold Member

Perhaps you give her everything she wants....so when she wants it, she needn't worry. You've feathered her nest and she's comfortable.

Let's not confuse Love and Sex.
Your physical desire and need for sex, is not being met by your current partner.
Tell her how you feel...not how she makes you feel.
Nothing really is hotter in sex when both people go at it mutually.
Talking may give you a little peace of mind, but you probably wont have the piece of skin you desire, want and need.
Keep loving your partner/friend but my advice: be honest and open and communicate about it. No one reads minds. No one.

Have you thought about one option for you: to maybe go elsewhere for sex?

Try games and roles and secret dates with her.
both of you, individually write down 6 fun and or romantic dates you'd like to do.
Pick a date night, say Thursday. Toss them in a hat and on Saturday or Sunday, draw one and make it so. This gives a little time to plan for the date as well as something very important: Anticipation.
Nothing quite stokes the fires of the heart (and loin) as anticipating of the semi-unknown.

So, you cant talk and stay and work on it or go. Either way has its benefits, but the rewards of working on a relationship are irreplaceable. pussy is not.

Perhaps you give her everything she wants....so when she wants it, she needn't worry. You've feathered her nest and she's comfortable.

Let's not confuse Love and Sex.
Your physical desire and need for sex, is not being met by your current partner.
Tell her how you feel...not how she makes you feel.
Nothing really is hotter in sex when both people go at it mutually.
Talking may give you a little peace of mind, but you probably wont have the piece of skin you desire, want and need.
Keep loving your partner/friend but my advice: be honest and open and communicate about it. No one reads minds. No one.

Have you thought about one option for you: to maybe go elsewhere for sex?

Try games and roles and secret dates with her.
both of you, individually write down 6 fun and or romantic dates you'd like to do.
Pick a date night, say Thursday. Toss them in a hat and on Saturday or Sunday, draw one and make it so. This gives a little time to plan for the date as well as something very important: Anticipation.
Nothing quite stokes the fires of the heart (and loin) as anticipating of the semi-unknown.

So, you cant talk and stay and work on it or go. Either way has its benefits, but the rewards of working on a relationship are irreplaceable. pussy is not.

Click to expand...

The thing is I have told her and been completely honest with her on how I feel and nothing changed. I want to be with her and I love her but I'm 18 and have a REALLY high sex drive and she doesn't so I don't know what to do. I will give those games you said a try and hopefully that will help.

Gold Member

Any couple pretty much ends up having sex only as often as the one who wants it less.

Partly, this is driven by the fact that its not fun to have sex unless BOTH people want to.

And partly this is driven by the fact that the person with less NEED for sex is the one with power over sex in the relationship. They CAN manipulate their partner over the issue of access to sex, and, if both partners happen to be young, naive, and fairly immature, this means that the person who CAN use sex to manipulate their partner almost certainly WILL use sex to manipulate their partner.

She is giving you mixed messages... saying she wants it to happen "naturally" but that is just code for "when she decides to allow it to happen". She is testing you, pressing her advantage... seeing how far she can go before you get angry... seeing if you can remain faithful... seeing what you are willing to do to get next to her.

To be fair, at that age she probably has no real idea what she wants you to do... she is simply exploring the fact that she can drive your conduct and change your actions by grabbing ahold of your vulnerability over sexual desire, like its the reins on her stallion.

Maybe she'll like it if you try the romantic role playing or mystery date games... or maybe she'll decide that's not "natural"... or maybe she'll like it for a month, and then suddenly change her mind, simply to play with your head, keep you guessing, and see what else she can get away with.

Its only to be expected... few human beings are evolved enough, enlightened enough to resist taking advantage of power.
Usually, in your youth, its girls playing this game because they don't have as pressing a need for sex as do young men.

But, for example, it is often men who are willing to provide for a woman, financially... which gives them a power they often abuse.

And almost always, when both people are young, there is a power struggle going on that both are not really self aware of.

The man may try and control things socially ( "they" only go to the places he agrees to go, see the movies he agrees to see, etc..) and the woman tries to balance the equation by controlling what she can control *( you can never do a chore well enough, you never say the right things, she doesn't feel like sex. )

This is all just the ordinary everyday maneuvering of a couple... testing one another... trying to establish who controls what in the relationship.

But, pal... you are being used like a tool. And, if you sit and think hard enough, you will figure out the ways in which you are trying to use her like a tool.

You can, if both are mature and self aware enough, simply sit down and discuss issues of who controls what, openly, and come to cogent agreements on what is or is not fair in terms of trying to control one another... ( which means each having to agree that their partner has control over SOME THINGS )
--but it is almost impossible to get a man to accept that he is trying to control his woman by doing things like insisting on his "guys night out".... and even harder to get a young woman to accept and admit that her capriciousness regarding sex is a form of punishing, rewarding, or simply keeping her boyfriend off-balance as a control game.

Or, if enlightened enough you might try NOT playing games with each other... but that is even rarer.

Or, like most people, you will just keep stumbling thru clumsy, naive attempts by each of you to wrest control over different aspects of each other... and end up slowly building resentments toward each other that tear you apart in 5, 10 or 15 years.
This will happen, even if ONE of you is able to see this for what it is. Because BOTH people have to be equally capable of self knowledge to move beyond it.

Oh... and one other thing... SEX every single day, is just NOT gonna be a reasonable expectation in your life.
It will happen, for while, with any new passion... or, in a long term relationship, you will likely pass thru seasons in which you can't get enough of each other... but there will be dryer spells, too..

Droughts, even.

If you end up averaging two or three times a week, you would be doing better than the vast majority of couples...
And it won't always be because she doesn't want it more often... there will be times when you are too preoccupied to find attention for it, as well.

Gold Member

You can try just kissing her neck, squeezing her 'ass', randomly grabbing her and 'holding her' (lol). But then back away, don't try to initiate sex. You could even give her a sly grope but that's a bit tricky as its more sexual than the other things I mentioned.

Also you could just play with her hair, snuggle up on the sofa. Run your hand down her thighs, get hard maybe and just nudge her with it, maybe try and brush against her hand.

She probably thinks you have/had too much sex and that that's all you want for her. You could, if you wanted to, try and convince her otherwise. Try going to a cinema too or just a walk in a park, maybe a meal.

VerifiedGold Member

There's a saying that if you put a stone in a jar every time you have sex in the first year of your relationship and then take a stone out every time you have sex after that you will spend the rest of your lives trying to empty the jar. That said, it sounds like something is blocking you here. You have good sex? You both seem to want it? And yet you're not having it?? Perhaps things have become too routine? Try suggesting to her that you have an evening of foreplay without the sex. Try experimenting more. Break the routine. Make time for each other.

There's a saying that if you put a stone in a jar every time you have sex in the first year of your relationship and then take a stone out every time you have sex after that you will spend the rest of your lives trying to empty the jar. That said, it sounds like something is blocking you here. You have good sex? You both seem to want it? And yet you're not having it?? Perhaps things have become too routine? Try suggesting to her that you have an evening of foreplay without the sex. Try experimenting more. Break the routine. Make time for each other.

Click to expand...

The thing is she wants it to happen "naturally" but if I don't push her to have sex then we don't so I just don't understand.

that's drama. to say 'i want it to happen naturally' is drama. don't ask her or 'push ' her into it. that's pathetic behavior. do a self check for your hygiene, head to toe. then leave her alone. women don't like insecure men and she's turning you into one because she's being ....well...for lack of a better term...immature.

Start in the morning with some sexy talk. Not "male subtle" but ACTUALLY subtle. A text message or two throughout the day. Romantic touching and kissing later. NO, not just groping and compliments on her tit size.

I believe all that she is looking for is some foreplay. Mental and physical. Give it a try.

VerifiedGold Member

Welcome to the rest of your life. It's rare when things don't go this way. An honest conversation should let you know whether or not it's time to get out. Some couples survive diminished frequency of sex, some rebound and find the spark again and about 50% will cheat, so don't be too surprised if/when one of you does that.

Gold Member

I think I might just find someone else. She already wants to marry me but sex is something I need a lot of and if we already have a issue with it then whats the point of sticking around.

Click to expand...

If frequent sex isn't that important a part of the relationship to her, then it shouldn't be a dealbreaker for her if you want to get it somewhere else. If it is, but she just doesn't want it from you any more, then yes that's a good reason to end it as things just ran their course.

She definately wouldn't want me to get it somewhere else and I asked her is it me and she said it wasn't. I don't think she would want to marry me so bad and have kids with me if it was me. I get off by pleasing her so she is always satisfied. Is it possible she just lost her sex drive? She is only 21 so I don't see how