He abused me even after I broke up with him…

We met through work and things were really good in the beginning. Still, I sensed something mysterious about him but I wasn’t sure what it was. Unfortunately, he became controlling, manipulative, emotionally and physically abusive. He stopped helping pay the household bills. He committed crimes on his nights off work while I was working. He even tried making drugs in my basement when we were living together. I had him move out and we ended up breaking up. He came to pick up his bed that he had stored in my basement, so I let him in. He started talking and then he kept asking if I wanted to have sex, and each time I would shake my head no and reply, “No, I don’t.” He dragged me from the couch and pushed me into the bedroom where he raped me twice. When he was finished he asked, “How do you feel now?,” then sat on my couch like nothing even happened.

Throughout, I felt ashamed, horrified, and disgusted with myself. I don’t trust anyone. Today, I am strong because of what happened but I also have my “good” and “bad” days where I want nothing to do with anyone and just want to curl into a ball and cry. I have an amazing and wonderful girlfriend now and family support. My mom has been by me since day one and she’s never left my side. But, I am also worried that he will do it again. I tried pressing charges against him for rape and strangulation but the lawyer told me that there wasn’t enough evidence to go on.

To anyone experiencing abuse… Tell someone! If you feel unsafe, file for a PFA, carry pepper spray or a pocket knife for safety. Take self defense classes!