I’m in Tucson. And you know what the thing about Tucson is? It really must have been beautiful, before they turned it into a giant parking lot and all the rivers dried up.

Case in point: The Rillito River. Once it flowed it flowed year-round, now it’s mostly just a bone-dry trench filled with garbage, unless there’s really heavy rains, in which case all the garbage gets washed into inconvenient places.

I decided to take a walk alongside the Rillito “River”. It bummed me out. It’s weird squaring with all the destruction and mayhem my species causes.

There was a river here for thousands of years and it only took us about 100 to use it all up.

Yeah, so, all my pictures suck, because I was sad… and also I was testing out the camera on my new cellphone and I didn’t realize it was shooting in 16:9 mode, because the UI was covering part of the view up.

That’s my story and I’m sticking it.

Rillito River Dried-Up

Really, this is a river.

Vandalism Warning Sign

DON’T VANDALIZE HANDICAPPED PEOPLE! IT’S NOT NICE!

This sign was next to some scary-looking bathrooms that had their sinks outside.

Shopping Cart in the Rillito River

There a loads of discarded shopping carts all over Tucson. It’s weird how far away some of them end up from any store. Tuscon has the urban sprawl something awful. Definite food desert situations in many areas. I guess some people without cars just opt to take the cart with them, rather than try to carry their groceries for miles.

Rillito River Overgrowth

Here, fishy fishy fishy…

Rillito River Hobo House

Hhhhmmm… That’s weird. It looks like someone has cobbled together a small structure from various refuse.

Rillito River Hobo House Closeup

Yes, that’s right, the Rillito River has been dry so long, that a hobo has taken up residence right in the middle of it.

I sort of wanted to go down to the shanty and have myself a little look-see, but I couldn’t see if anybody was home and I didn’t want to get hobo-shanked.

I hope whoever lives there doesn’t drown during the next monsoon season.

Rillito Concrete Runoff Trench

On the rare occasions when there is water in the river, it can end up way too high and overflow, because the ground is so dry and hard that the water doesn’t seep into it. They built these ugly concrete trenches to mitigate the overflow.

Two Saguaros

I can never seem to find any nice cacti. They’re always misshapen and weird.

Saguaro with Bird Holes

Birds live in those holes. Also, gnomes.

Saguaro Graffiti

It’s actually a felony to vandalize a saguaro cactus. They take a really long time to grow. It can be a 100 years before they even get their first arm. So they get a mite bit miffed when you mess with one.

Fishhook Barrel Cactus

The fruit of a barrel cactus are edible. You need tongs and oven mitts to harvest them, though.

Palo Verde Tree

This a palo verde tree. The little yellow flowers get collect in little piles on the ground and it is very cute.

Palo Verde Blooms

This is all blurry because it was very windy. I wonder if my cellphone camera has a burst function?

Desert Mistletoe

This one is a little bit hard to see, but what looks like a clump of twigs on this tree is actually desert mistletoe. It wasn’t very Christmasy, though, because there wasn’t any little poisonous berries on it.

Tree Circle

This sure is a boring photo.

Ocotillo

Ocotillos look like they belong on an alien planet. A lot of people have them it their gardens. I could never do that, because I would inevitably stumbled into it and grievously harm myself on the spinedies.

Ocotillo Flowers

Cute little orange flowers. Apparently, hummingbirds like them.

Flowerless Ocotillo

Here’s one without flowers, just evil spinedies waiting to murder unsuspecting Laurels.

Brittlebush Flowers

I like taking photos of flowers. Someone buy me a $4000 macro lense, so I can do it more betterer.

Brittlebush Bunch

I need to learn how to stop bright yellow from blowing everything out.

Purple Aster

We have asters in Ontario, but they tend to bloom in the Fall there, instead of the Spring like here.

Agave

This should stop being an agave and start being a tequila.

Ice Warning Signs

Ice? Ha! You don’t know from ice, you crazy southerners.

Rusty Bridge

If this bridge wasn’t here, I might have drowned trying to cross the river.

Corn Hands Tiles

Some of the bridges are decorated with painted tiles.

Are those hands gigantic or is that corn really small?

Broken Boar Tiles

Someone vandalized the pork.

Boar Tiles

Intact pork.

If you see a wild pig in Tucson, run. They’re very dangerous… and delicious.

Bridge and Santa Catalina Mountains

Look it’s the mountains! Clouds look weird when you’re at a high elevation.

Unidentified Metal Bench Thing

Alright, what the Hell is this thing? It looks like a bus stop, but it’s not anywhere near a road. It’s also the only one along the path to my knowledge.

Unidentified Metal Cylinder

And then there’s this weird cylinder in front of it. The purpose of which was the cause of much perplexitude.

Unidentified Metal Cylinder Opened

It opens, but why?

Snake Sculpture

Pretty much all the art along the path has been vandalized.

Sun Circle

Hey, it’s the Tucson Sun Circle, which is completely useless on an overcast day, as you can plainly see here.

Sun Circle Instructions Plaque

Here are the instructions for the Sun Circle. Apparently, it does something interesting on the Equinox, BUT I COULDN’T SIT AROUND AND WAIT THAT LONG.

Memorial Monument

I stopped at the Children’s Memorial Park. That wall back there is filled with the names of dead children. There are too many names.

Praying Girl Statue

I’m not sure whether those flowers blew there or someone placed them on the girl.

Magic Carpet Statue

Not sure whether I like the idea of dead children flying around on magic carpets. Ghosts are scary enough without whimsical woven goods.

Blue Trash Can

Why do they bother with trash cans? Everyone just throws their junk onto the riverbed.

Sand Ants

I always wanted an ant farm as a kid.

Dead Dove

It is a dead dove. It’s a metaphor for my life.

Google Photos created this stupid hipster video of my trip.

If I misidentified anything in these photos, feel free to drop me a line.

And, yes, I realize that it’s still technically a river because there is water flowing underground. (Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was…)

My Instagram is overflowing with photos again, so I’m going to make you look at them.

Chip Chip Chippy

It’s some chipped paint. This is interesting.

Not Your Granny’s Panties

I got tired of my underpants riding up my ass, so I bought some boxer shorts.

Yummy!

I made this frozen banana and blueberry goop with my Yonanas. It was very tasty.

Spooky! Spooky!

I made some spicy ribs and then played with the bare bones afterwards.

Spooky!

There’s something wrong with me.

Very Berry

I just looked in up and these are the berries of the rowan tree. I didn’t taste them because I thought they were poisonous, but they’re edible. My policy is to leave wild berries for the birds, instead of eating them myself, though.

Blurry Berry

This phone was really bad with blurry things constantly.

Orderly

Hey look! It’s my autism!

Artsy-Fartsy

This is supposed to represent the circle of life… or something.

Ow my heart!

This poutine was pretty tasty, but you can get fresh poutine from a restaurant for the same price.

Wow!

I drink too much diet pop.

Amazing!

Arranging this and taking this photo was a really good use of my time.

OMFG

It’s speculoos cookies ground up and made spreadable. I ate the whole jar with a spoon.

Spicy!

I can never find a good Indian restaurant near where I live.

Ew.

These cheeseburger spring rolls were really bizarre and greasy. They also had pickles and mustard inside.