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Christopher Pagano, 41, was finally arrested in January as police identified him as the man who had apparently been roaming the Mayfair neighborhood of Philadelphia for several weeks exposing his genitals while lovingly fondling a hunk of Swiss cheese ("cheese-accessorized" genitals, wrote a Philadelphia Daily News reporter).

The case was broken when a 2012 victim recalled a "Swiss cheese pervert" in the Philadelphia area and searched for him on the Internet, locating a man who rhapsodized as much about cheese as about having sex.

"I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky (complexions)," the man (Pagano) wrote. "(G)irls are soft, smooth-feeling, and tend to like dairy products more." [Philly.com, 1-20-2014; Philadelphia Daily News, 1-31- 2014]

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Perps Who Need to Be in a Different Line of Work: "Victim" Joseph Torrez, 27, was at home in Las Cruces, N.M., on New Year's Day with his fiancee and young son when four men barged in (after threatening Torrez on the telephone with "I'm big Eastside," "I'll kill you and your family," "I will go to your house").

Torrez is a mixed-martial arts fighter, and by the time it was over, he and his family were safe, but one home invader was dead, another was in the hospital, and the other two (including the telephoner) under arrest. [Las Cruces Sun-News, 1-6-2014]