Since the age of 13 I have been interested in BDSM sex, specifically as a submissive, and since the age of 18 I have visited professional dominatrixes...

Question

I am male, and since the age of 13 I have been interested in BDSM sex, specifically as a submissive.

Since the age of 18 I have visited professional dominatrixes. I feel trapped by my obsession with this sexual practice and fear I will never be able to have a normal relationship with a girl.

This problem has caused me much anxiety and contributed, I believe, to me having a mental breakdown and considering suicide.

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I have been unable to find a counsellor or therapist who could help me. I tried a sexual dysfunction counsellor but she was unable to deal with the psychological side of my problem.

I thought that antidepressants might help, but unfortunately it has been diagnosed that I have a sensitivity to some drugs and a course of Cipramil induced a psychotic episode, which lead to me being detained in a psychiatric ward.

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I am desperate to resolve the problem. Should I accept my obsession with BDSM and lower my chances of a conventional loving relationship or try to give it up?

I became very interested in a dominatrix and she seemed interested in me but she said I should give up any ideas of normal sex with her as she was not interested.

I would really like to talk to a counsellor about this but do not know where to find one who is qualified to deal with my particular dilemma.

Answer

David writes:

Well, East Sussex (where you live) is not the easiest place to find a therapist specialising in sexual domination/submission. However, there is a private hospital in Eastbourne, called the Esperance.

It would be worth asking your GP to send you to a psychiatrist there for (at least) a single session to discuss your prospects. Their number is 0808 101 0337.

However, I must reluctantly say that many people who have your inclinations eventually settle for a lifestyle that involves a certain amount of submission and domination.

Good luck.

Christine adds:

I do note that you are very desperate to have a 'normal' loving relationship, so apart from getting some help with your submissive tendencies, I suggest that you also go and talk to a doctor at Brook – the agency that helps young people with sexual problems.

They may not be very clued up on your specific problem, but they know all there is to know about the desires and anxieties of young people who want to find companionship, love and children.

As you want these things too, I think you should go and talk about that. You can call their helpline on 0808 802 1234 to find the nearest branch is to you. The treatment will be free.

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