Tag Archives: hugh jackman

Granted, a mad koala might be a legitimately dangerous thing for Aussies. But here in America, they’re thought of as cute, cuddly, and full of great puns.

So all I’m thinking is there’s some disgruntled koala roaming the lands, more sad than angry, just hanging his head low and looking for a hug while muttering:

“I lost my temper, I should’ve just shared some dinner with Burt, and now he won’t even look at me. I can’t even eat a leaf right now. I’m upset, life is kinda rough. I hope these cars will understand. I’m just not myself today.”

SO FUCKING CUTE. I’d drop all my plans to go looking for that mad koala.

Brace yourselves. If you hate spiders or anything else that’s abominable to the earth and makes you scream like a 7-year old girl when trying to smash it with a shoe (but not a good shoe), 10 tissues, or a giant wad of toilet paper, then you would never survive as an Aussie.

Case in point, you might find one of these guys chillin’ on your back door.

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WHATTHEFUCK.

I think I just…I might have fainted briefly. And now I think it’s watching me and tucked under my desk.

Do Aussies deal with these kind of mutant beasts on a regular basis? Because if that’s the case, I might need to rethink the whole “Hey, I’d love to go to Australia before I die” thing. Unless that IS how I would end up dying. In Australia. Eaten by a giant mutant spider.

As a typical American, I have no choice but to assume living in the land from down under is terrifying, all the time. Am I wrong here? Their beaches, they look so…beautiful. And Hugh Jackman, he’s really hot and awesome. Plus, Finding Nemo is a great movie and they swam through a ton of shit just to get to Sydney. Is there a good enough silver lining? Time will tell.