Kim Jong-Un's New Hat Is Proof He's Taking Over North Korea

No one has so far been able to prove that Kim Jong-il's son, Kim Jong-un, is being groomed to take over North Korea... until now. Analysts and defectors have concluded that Little Kim's new fur hat proves he's taking power.

The stylish (and functional!) headgear, which was normally reserved for Kim Jong-il's righteous head, has recently been spotted on Kim Jong-un. The picture here shows the Kims in what looks to be pretty cold weather, with Little Kim's head uncovered and presumably quite chilly. But the recent picture above shows a gripping new development. South Korean newspaper Chosun Ilbospoke to a North Korean defector about it:

A former senior North Korean official identified as Choi, who has defected to South Korea, said, "The hat was customized by a foreign master craftsman using top-quality otter fur. It's an unwritten rule that nobody else can wear such a hat, so if Kim Jong-un is also wearing one, it means he has now reached almost the same status as his father."

And from our favorite old source of North Korean dirt, Kim's former chef Kenji Fujimoto, speaking to Chosun Ilbo in a separate article, we learn about Kim Jong-un's early years. According to Fujimoto, Kim Jong-un loves rollerblading and playing Super Mario Brothers:

Kim Jong-il told Jong-un since he was 15 that a man had to hold his liquor and allowed him to drink, but ordered him not to smoke. Jong-un favored Johnny Walker whisky and secretly smoked Yves Saint Laurent cigarettes with Fujimoto. He had a Mercedes 600 sedan and was fond of South Korean pop music and the Super Mario Brothers and Tetris computer games.

Fujimoto recalled Jong-un once told him, "I roller blade, play basketball and go jet skiing in the summer, but I wonder how other people live." he visited Tokyo Disney Land with his mother Ko Young-hui.

Does that last quote mean that Little Kim has a soul? After all, he does like Super Mario Brothers and whisky. Oh, but the article also adds that Kim Jong-un "showed a strong affection for nuclear weapons since he was a child." Nevermind.