Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: SNATCHED

So I saw Amy Schumer’s right boob today…not sure how I feel about that… I do know how I feel about the movie SNATCHED. It is fucking terrible. One of the year’s worst. I chuckled, MAYBE, once. It wasn’t funny, especially when about 30 minutes of the 90 minute runtime is Amy Schumer again talking about her vagina and other vagina jokes that I’ve heard before, none of them clever. And when you have a comedic genius Goldie Hawn in your cast, and you barely use her, and not in the way you are supposed to, it’s slapping a lot of film enthusiasts in the face. This woman was in Private Benjamin, and you have her playing an unfunny mother that just complains throughout the whole movie and doesn’t really do anything comedic. This film is an absolute crime to watch, and one of the worst comedies to come out in a very long time.

You know what another crime is? Having a cameo that looks like it might’ve been written for Hawn’s real life partner Kurt Russell and instead hire Law and Order SVU’s Christopher Meloni. Would’ve been perfect with Russell, but are you really surprised considering the rest of the movie sucks as well? Amy Schumer has not been funny since Trainwreck. That is the last time I thought her genius that she does have in her still somewhere shined with her talents. Thank God she didn’t write this, otherwise I would maybe say that her career is over. No, the blame of all of this goes to the screenwriter that single-handedly ruined the new Ghostbusters, Kate Dippold. The Heat sucked, Ghostbusters sucked, and this sucked. As in baseball, she’s out, and should never come back.

Everything in this film is predictable, down to getting kidnapped, escaping, getting help…it’s just all boring and has been done countless times before. It’s just vagina jokes galore, and Amy Schumer just whining for two hours. Goldie Hawn is just wasted here. She’s made some classics and is a classic comedian (Overboard anyone?), but this is just bad, considering that she hasn’t done a movie since The Banger Sisters. Not her fault that she is a two dimensional character, she was just written that way, and you can tell she is struggling trying to make something of the material.

This is going to be a really short review because there is really nothing to talk about artistic wise here. The writing sucks, the direction is basically point, shoot, and cut, and there is nothing unique about this movie at all. The jokes all fall flat, they even make Ike Barenholtz unfunny. It’s just a very very very bad comedy. If you need to see something funny, snatch something else at your local video store, you’re better off.