Archive for the My Great Love Category

In the darkness of a humid Highveld evening I smelt it before I heard it. The spring rains had come finally and in the morning I would wake to a different world. The constant rain-drops levelling the ground, the scrapping of the Jacaranda tree on the tiled roof-top, and the dripping of the rain on the slate tiles outside lulled me to sleep after a long tiring day. There is nothing like falling asleep to the sound of rain and waking up to the slate-grey morning when everything is soaking wet.

After the past few weeks of unbearable heat it was a welcome change and coincided with another change as well. Slowly I’ve started coming out of my cocoon again and reconnecting with friends, family and familiar places around Jo’burg. That plus I’ve started taking my mountain biking a little more serious now as well and that requires me getting out and about. Fair enough it’s with my iPod, my soy latte (just to kick start the day), and a determination that after promising change every summer – this time it will eventually come.

I think this determination started a long time ago but really hit home with a friends wedding a few weeks back in Pretoria. An amazing experience to be sure but somehow it floated above me and the full impact of the words spoken by the priest was lost. But at the end of it all it wasn’t about me but about her. As I saw her standing there marrying the best man in her life I knew that someday the rocky road that they had to travel on to get here was so worth it. Nothing in life comes easy but they made it look so good.

Slowly the wheels of fortune have started to grind in my favour as I’m starting to get enquiries for potential work. Having just completed a major tender for one of the steel mills the distance between start-up and operational company is just a few weeks away. The longer I have to think about company strategy and what the long-term potential could be the more options open up to us. But we need to get past that first speed bump before we even start thinking about accelerating anywhere.

The other night the movie ‘De-Lovely’ was on and I realise that perhaps the cruellest thing would be to get married. Knowing the kind of person she is I know the kind of person that I am. I do think that we’d have a long and happy life together but fulfilment is something from within and not without. The future is still unknown but what I do know that tomorrow is another day and all I can do is live today as best I can. Sometimes that’s all I can ask of myself and those around me.

As I sat watching the rain the other afternoon, I know that “… waiting is the hardest thing (It’s strange I feel like I’ve known you before). I tell myself that if I believe in you (And I want to understand you). In the dream of you (More and more). With all my heart and all my soul (When I’m with you). That by sheer force of will (I feel like a magical child). I will raise you from the ground (Everything strange). And without a sound you’ll appear (Everything wild). And surrender to me, to love.”

As I lay there on a particularly lazy Sunday afternoon, a pungent undertone of jasmine on a springtime breeze, I was reminded of a conversation that lay dormant in the memory of my past. To be fair it had become dislodged a few days before as I stood waiting for my take-away coffee and overheard a rather pedantic young women sitting with her jewellery designer. It was her childhood fantasy come true and who could fault her right to fulfil her demanding heart’s one true desire. After all she had snagged the investment banker so could the perfect engagement ring be that far behind?

In the dying light filled my room with a soft rose hue, I looked over towards my writing desk at the picture in the antique studded leather frame. While the details are clouded a decade ago, a certain young women and less certain young man promised that if they both reached a particular age and neither were married we’d marry each other. While it was a laugh then, every now and again my thoughts ran to that summer afternoon. And so, since I’d already reached that particular age, I started giving a lot of thought about buying that milestone ring.

For two days afterwards I caught myself slowing down as I walked from my favourite barista and looking at the various engagement rings in the various jewellery stores. I even went online and looked at the catalogue of the jeweller who crafted my Mother’s engagement ring to my Father’s hand-drawn design. And it was then, in the moment I decided to call her up and find out if this was one of those moments of living in the past. After a few minutes of transcontinental conversation I asked what her dream ring would look like.

It was strange because she knew exactly where this was going before I even mentioned it. That’s the thing between us – we always know where the other person is no matter where we are – and it’s always been like that. I sometimes wonder what my life would be without her. The more I think about it the more I realise that she has been the only person that I have truly loved and could never imagine life without her.

So as I sit and think about what I want for the future I have to admit the more I think about it the more I want it. Serious thought is going into proposing to her once my life has stabilised again. Assuming she’ll have me of course … I realise that there would have to be some life changing decisions made but at the end of it all they would be worth it because I would be gaining so much more. More than just my best friend … my soul mate.