My Girlfriend Said I Don’t Understand Her

When a girlfriend tells her boyfriend that he doesn’t understand her, it’s almost always about how she feels attracted to a man.

For example: Sometimes, a guy will be really good to his girlfriend. He will treat her well, compliment her all the time, let her decide pretty much everything and do whatever he can to make her happy.

Yet, all the while, she will be treating him badly and he will just put up with it.

He just doesn’t have the skills to make her want to be a better woman to him and as a result, she simply doesn’t feel enough attraction for him.

When he notices that she doesn’t love him the same way as he loves her, he might try even harder to impress her and treat her even better than before, but it just doesn’t have any effect on her.

She still doesn’t love him because the attraction just isn’t there.

Only when you truly understand what your girlfriend wants in terms of attraction, will she then begin to change and be a more loving and attentive woman to you.

She will open up, fall more in love with you and want you and her to stay together for life.

However, if you keep offering her the wrong attraction experience (e.g. you’re too nice, but she needs a guy to have more balls and not let her push him around), then she’s going to be frustrated that you just don’t understand her and what she really wants.

She Thinks Differently to You…and That is Okay

Fact: Men are different to women.

Generally speaking, when faced with the same situation, a man will react and feel differently than a woman would.

For example: A woman will watch a sad movie and may react by crying and needing her man to hug her and comfort her, whereas the man will feel the emotions, but won’t feel the need to shed tears like a woman would.

Even if a man is deeply affected by the movie emotionally, and even if he gets a little misty eyed, he will still remain in control of his emotions and be the man.

However, what many guys fail to realize is that this is true for EVERYTHING.

Women will see and interpret things differently to men, and this usually includes how she interprets his attitude, behavior and reactions to what she tells him.

If he says or does the “wrong things” in her eyes, she will get angry with him and she’ll accuse him of not understanding her.

If he then doesn’t make the effort to understand her point of view, she will end up feeling misunderstood and even resentful towards him. Over time this can lead to her breaking up with him.

If you’re saying, “My girlfriend said I don’t understand her,” it is possible that you’re not fully listening to what she’s really trying to tell you, which makes her feel frustrated and angry towards you and probably leads to many arguments and even full-blown fights between you.

Rather than get frustrated and angry with her, you need to understand what she’s trying to tell you so that you can make the necessary changes to make her feel heard and understood.

Try to Understand Her Point of View

Most guys are good guys and don’t intentionally go out of their way to behave in ways that will make their girlfriend angry or feel misunderstood.

However, despite their good intentions, sometimes they will behave in ways that turn her off.

No-one is perfect.

However, no-one likes to be told that they are wrong.

If, when your girlfriend tells you that your behavior or thinking is wrong in some way, for example she says you’re being selfish, or inconsiderate, or lazy, etc., it’s natural for you to want to deny it and lash out at her.

Often you may even feel that you’re doing the right thing but she’s making you feel like you’re in the wrong and naturally you want to tell her, “You’re just being so unreasonable” or “You’re always being so petty.” This only makes her feel even more angry and misunderstood.

Rather than jump to your own defense every time your girlfriend “attacks” you or accuses you of doing something wrong, try first to understand where she’s coming from. By putting yourself in HER shoes, you can determine what she’s thinking and feeling.

Right now you might be saying, “Why must I be the one who puts myself in her shoes, why doesn’t she try to see things from MY point of view?”

First of all, you are the man in the relationship…not her.

When you show her that you’re man enough to listen to her and make her feel heard, she will naturally follow your lead.

In a relationship, you need to love each other and help each other grow, not win arguments or try to prove each other wrong.

Secondly, when you try to see things from her perspective, you will be surprised to discover that her explanation alerts you to a misunderstanding between you which will allow you to see where she’s coming from rather than just assume you know.

2 Common Reasons Why Women Feel Misunderstood

Most guys who say, “My girlfriend said I don’t understand her,” also say “I TRY to understand her” or “I THINK I understand her but when I ask her to tell me what she wants, she pulls away from me.”

If you don’t know exactly what she wants from you, you will most likely be offering her the wrong things when she accuses you of not understanding her.

You’ve got to be offering her what she REALLY wants, not what you THINK she wants, if you’re going to make her feel understood.

However, a woman is NOT going to come out and tell you exactly what’s bothering her. Why? Because she doesn’t want to be your “teacher” and have to teach you how to be a man. She wants you to know how to be a man without her guiding you or teaching you.

If she has to spell it out for you she will feel like she is taking on the role of your teacher and this is a turn off for her.

All this might feel confusing to you if you don’t really have much experience with women. However, when a woman says she feels misunderstood, it’s often because a guy is making some of these classic mistakes:

1. He’s taking her for granted.

Here’s a common reason why some couples fight. Let’s imagine that your girlfriend bought a beautiful new dress and made herself look pretty for you.

When you see her, instead of saying, “Wow! You look sexy! I’m going to take you out and show you off,” you either don’t even notice her, or worse yet, you wait for her to ask you what you think of her new dress and then say, “Oh, is that new? It’s nice.”

Then, when she gets upset with you and you say, “What do you want me to say?” or “Why are you getting so upset over a dress?” she will naturally respond by saying, “Forget about it! You just don’t understand me!”

Generally speaking, most guys are not being cruel or inconsiderate; it’s just that they don’t realize how important this is to her.

Many guys don’t realize that although a woman wants to be with an independent man who has purpose in life and independent interests apart from her, if he slips into neglecting her and failing to meet her needs in the relationship (e.g. making her feel loved, appreciated, attractive), she will feel misunderstood and begin losing respect and attraction for him.

2. He’s not listening to her.

Most misunderstandings in a relationship begin when a man fails to really listen to what his woman is trying to tell him.

You don’t have to give in and do what she wants (doing so will just put her in a position of power and she will lose respect for you as a man), but when a woman wants a certain thing from you and the relationship and you want something entirely different, and you write her concerns off, then it’s only natural that she will feel that you’re not listening to her.

For example: Your girlfriend might want you to stop watching TV every night and when you ignore her, she gets upset with you or even starts an argument.

To you, the argument over you watching TV might seem petty and you might even feel like she’s trying to control you, or like she’s trying to take away the things that you like.

However, if you dig deeper and “listen” to her, you might find that she wants to have a more balanced life with you where you and her get to spend more time together, go out together or do things that you both enjoy together.

Alternatively, this might be her way of telling you that you’re not really making the effort to reach your true potential as a man. Rather than go out and better yourself and make things happen for you and her, you’re lazing in front of the TV in your “comfort zone” and doing enough just to get by.

Even though she may not be able to come straight out and say that to you, she will make a big deal about the “TV” hoping you’ll figure it out for yourself.

When you write it off as her being a nag instead of making her feel heard, she will naturally feel hurt and she’ll accuse you of not understanding her.

By being more open to listening to her, rather than getting annoyed or writing things off to her being in a bad mood, you have the opportunity to improve your relationship with her.

Making Her Feel Understood

When a woman says, “You don’t understand me,” she expects you to figure out by yourself what is actually bothering her, and then make the appropriate changes to your thinking and behavior to show her that she’s been heard and understood.

If you try to get her to tell you what she wants, she will only close up and pull away from you even more.

If you want to stop saying, “My girlfriend said I don’t understand her” you have to show her that she’s been heard.

So, the next time she brings up an issue, even something minor, like you watching too much TV, or that you’re texting her too much, or that you’re being too jealous or insecure, rather than get annoyed with her, ask yourself, “What is she REALLY trying to tell me here?”

Dig a little deeper and you’ll soon discover that there’s usually a deeper reason for her saying what she’s saying.

Then you can take the necessary action to change those things and improve yourself.

You don’t have to be perfect or change everything about you just to please her, but, by showing her that you’re taking her seriously and understand her point of view, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of love, respect and attraction for you.

She will feel like there is hope for you and her and that you’re not so bad after all.

Additionally, if you’re making her feel attracted to you in new ways, she will begin to feel excited that she is in a real relationship that keeps getting better over time.

Women know how difficult it is to find a guy who can make the relationship feel better and better over time, so when she realizes that you are that man, she will not want to let you go.

She will start being a better girlfriend to you and making sure that you feel happy, loved and appreciated.

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Author: The Modern Man

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