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I am sad and angry

This week I am visiting my parents in Cincinnati, which I love. It is my time to get fully taken care of with my mom feeding me, my dad trying to solve all my problems. It is the best! As I always say, it wasn’t always like this for me. In the past it felt like they expected all kinds of stuff from me and the pressure would drive me crazy.

I now realized that it was all self inflicted pressure. Now, I can go home and be with my parents the way it is intended to be. Me being the child and them taking care of me. It is so powerful for them and me.

Also, this week I was talking to a close friend of mine. She, let’s call her, Natalie, recently broke up with a boyfriend of several years. He broke up with her. It has been heart wrenching for her.

As any break up, especially when you know you want to be with the man, can be. She called me crying and saying she sent him, let’s call him, Terrance, a text message that was vulnerable and raw, and he didn’t respond. She went on to say, how she was angry, that she had given him so much in their relationship and that this is how he treats her. She felt disrespected and tossed to the side. She said how could he do this to me, after everything we have shared together.

I said to her I totally get it, and you have every right to feel what you are feeling because it is how you feel. And know that he is doing this out of love. I know this because I have also spoken to him in
the past. He doesn’t want to keep leading you on when he is not sure what he wants.

She got angry at me and said but I know we are supposed to be together I can feel it in every part of my being and I feel like you want me to accept that he isn’t coming back.

Now, this was interesting because I wasn’t saying that at all. I was simply letting her know that how she translated the lack of response to the text message wasn’t complete. I was adding to her translation. That’s it.

So, I asked her what would you like me to say? She said I just want you to hold the vision of him coming back and not send me into a place where our love meant nothing.

She was emotional and I totally get it. I said to her, Nat, I am always holding that vision. I am holding the vision that what you DESERVE in love comes forth in its grandest most supportive loving way. And
if that is Terrance then I am all for it. I think he can be the one, and if it isn’t that is okay too because it will be someone that gives you what you need and want.

She calmed down immediately.

And something hit me in that moment. When we are going through a break up, we talk to our friends and family about it. We cry and we ask for guidance from them because it feels impossible. They usually give us advice that makes us feel like they want something different than we do. However, they are usually giving us advice to see something differently than the current mindset we are in. And we make a fatal mistake.

We ASSUME that they don’t care just like the man that the relationship has ended with.

This stops us from letting anyone in to love us, when we desperately need it, and we begin to feel EVEN MORE ALONE.

So, I ask of you. If you are currently going through something like this or not because trust me many of you are doing this without even going through a current break up.

CHOOSE TO assume that the people that love you are holding the exact same vision you have for your life, which is for you to be surrounded by people that love and take care of you.

Sometimes it is simply a choice.

Your Lovework for this week:

Who in your life is loving you and you are not letting them in?

It could be someone that calls you often and you barely call them or that they are trying to make plans with you and you like them but just haven’t made time for them. MAKE TIME. LET THEM IN.

If you are going through a breakup. Assume your family and friends want to be there for you and want the best for you. Don’t shut them out.

Leave a comment below. I love hearing from you!

In Love,

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Hmmm…. Actually, while I think it is often true that when we are in pain, it can be difficult to hear anything other than what we want or feel we need to hear. At the same time, I believe it is true that generally, many people are deeply uncomfortable with other people’s distress and want to fix things, by giving unwanted and unasked for advice, or by inappropriately sharing their view of a situation, or simply being unable to tolerate hearing about someone else’s difficulties. I think that culturally, we do not know how to listen or comfort or relate.

I think it is also important to choose who we talk to when we are vulnerable
Because the sad fact is, not all families do support their members or want the best for them. I think it is naive to think that is how all families operate, and to simply trust that they mean well. If it were, this would not be a nation of people with various serious health issues related to emotional distress, such as obesity, addictions, eating disorders, and taking massive amounts of prescription drugs.

So I say, choose the family and friends you talk to when you are upset judiciously. And then choose to feel that these chosen ones want the best for you and operate from a place of love.

laurie

I feel a little like ‘Terrance’. There is someone in my life ‘Scott’, who wants more from me and I can only see us as friends. I have never led him on, and have been very direct in telling him that I am not interested in having a romantic relationship with him.

Hi Laurie, Not necessarily, however if it is occupying your heart space in some way it might be. Is sounds like you are okay though because you are being honest with him.

gina

I am sad and angry dealing with the loss of my boyfriend. He passed away 3 weeks ago. I never made so much time for all my friends and family who want the best for me. I am discovering by letting them in,they are directing me in the best direction. Life is too short and people love you. Let them in so you canoe with your sadness and anger. they can see what you cannot can help lead you to a better circumstance. I feel impossible without them. I love Kavitas advice so much. Listen!!

Kavita

Thanks Gina! I am sorry about your boyfriend. Sending you lots of love and light.