Friday, March 09, 2012

The Outfield - Your Love (Lyrics)

Say what to the what to the hell to the why, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

In college hoops, Harvard has qualified for March Madness. Or as Harvard calls March Madness, Spring-induced competitive-related temporary psychosis.

Harvard needs work on their trash talk: “Your Matriarch is so morbidly corpulent I am genuinely concerned about her risk of heart disease.”

Not to say there is a descrepency between the educations of Harvard and the other teams in the NCAA tournament, but many of the teams could not spell NCAA.

When asked how they did on their SAT scores, the other teams besides Harvard said; “We don’t play in that conference.”

In college hoops, Harvard has qualified for March Madness. Harvard needs work on their trash talk: “Excuse me, was it your intention to refrain me from putting the ball through the metal hoop? If so, you were quite unsuccessful.”

Former New York Met, Lenny Dykstra, was sentenced to three years in prison; he had the option to serve his time as the Mets batting coach, but he chose prison instead.

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Derek and the Dominos - Little Wing (Studio)

An Indiana mother sacrificed her legs to save her kids in a tornado. That is a great story, but those poor kids are going to hear this for the rest of their lives; “Oh, just go have a good time, don’t worry about your Mom who sacrificed her legs for you.”

At a campaign rally, Mitt Romney introduced his wife, Ann, as the heavyweight champion of his life. Upon which Ann introduced Mitt to the couch as the place where he will sleep.

Happy Birthday to the Oreo cookie, it is 100 today; that is one hundred years of being wrong if you don’t twist, scrape, dunk in milk and then eat.

Happy Birthday to the Oreo cookie, it is 100 today; Rick Santorum is so conservative he is suspicious of anyone who dunks an Oreo cookie in non-fat milk.

An Indiana mother sacrificed her legs to save her kids in a tornado. Moms are like that, my Mom used to sacrifice her saliva to keep my hair matted down.

A doctor has diagnosed the Charles Dickens “Christmas Carol” character, Tiny Tim with rickets 169 years later. And I thought my five hour wait in urgent care was bad.

Monday, March 05, 2012

Vince Lombardi

A Frenchman is suing Google because the Street View shot of his house shows him swigging from a bottle of wine and urinating. The man is suing for invasion of privacy, Google is counter-suing for him being a silly French stereotype.

A New York woman sued her Boston college because she complained her dorm roommate was having too much sex and they did nothing. And male students are suing the school because they didn’t release the name of her roommate.

Is it just me, or does Rick Santorum look like he was kicked out of his Civil War Reenactment club for being too fanatical?

"But, but, clearly he is in the Pennsylvania light brigade, but his cap was from the New Jersey's Seventh regiment."

Is it just me, or does Mitt Romney look like a guy who still thinks it's hip to say "Far out" and "Groovy."?

Rush Limbaugh called a Georgetown law student a "slut" because she asked for insurance to pay for her birth control and now advertisers are bailing out of Rush's radio show. And Rush is backpedaling;

"Did I say slut? No, I meant Ho, which is short for Hoya. You know, for the Georgetown Hoyas. Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket."

Now, I don't want to say the Russian election was rigged, but one write-in ballot was; "My vote is for Vladimir Putin so I don't get shot."