Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The Angst of Autism: "How Does Autism Feel In Me?"

One of the questions I’m most often asked by parents of
people living with autism (and one of the questions I’m honestly most afraid to
answer) is “What does autism feel like?”

My fear comes from two places.

The first is that I never want anyone to take
my personal experience of living life
on the spectrum as being the universal
experience of living life on the spectrum.
My story is just that - my
story, and while there are always common denominators in the autistic
experience, there is also much diversity.
That’s why they call it a spectrum.

Dr. Stephen Shore once said, “If you’ve met one person with autism,
you’ve met one person with autism.”The specific ways that autism feels and manifests in me may be very
different from the specific ways in which it feels and manifests in someone
else. So, I’m sometimes afraid to say
how it feels because I don’t want to ever be set up as the autistic standard.

The second source of my fear is that there have been some
folks who’ve just not been very nice when they’ve learned what life’s actually
like for me. I’ve been called "crazy," and "cuckoo," and "a couple of fries short of a happy meal." I’ve been labeled a lunatic and laughed
at by those who really should know better.
I’ve had people talk terribly about me behind my back - not knowing that
their words would eventually make their way to the front of my face...and more
painfully to the center of my heart.

Their cruelty has made me cautious, and there have been times
when I’ve considered catapulting myself away from this public perch as an autism
spokesperson.

Every time I prepare to
turn tail and run I inevitably receive an email from a mom who’s hurting,
and confused, and trying desperately to find one tiny hook to hang her
hope on as she battles the autistic beast that is tormenting her child. She
asks me to help her understand even an ounce of what her little one might be
feeling, and I realize that I can’t allow mean men or the face of my own fear
to silence this story.

So, today I go to that place where I’ve often feared to
publicly tread.

What does autism feel
like in me?Well, autism in me often feels awful.

Before I give you some specific examples from my own
existence, let me make sure that you understand what autism spectrum disorder
(ASD) actually is.

Autism is a
neuro-developmental disorder that is often characterized by varying degrees of
struggle with social interaction, verbal and non-verbal communication, sensory
processing, and restricted or repetitive behaviors. I’m going to break some of that down for you
– at least as some of these things manifest in me – but I want you to recognize
that all of the “psychological” symptoms that you see in a person with ASD actually flow out of the underlying
neurological system of ASD.

The behavioral chicken hatches out of the
physiological egg. That’s important to
understand because when people with autism seem to be "behaving badly” it’s
often because we’re hurting badly.

The Frayed Wire

I often explain the neurological framework of autism (the
framework from which autistic behavior flows) by likening the physiological
pathways of the autistic body to that of a frayed stereo speaker wire.

Everyone with autism has some form of sensory
struggle - it could be hyper sensitivity, it may be hypo sensitivity. Sight, sound, smell, taste and
touch (the five senses which all of the experiences of life must pass through) can
be absolutely harrowing and horrifying to the person with autism. For many, everything
that enters the ASD body is often accompanied by some semblance of pain or at
least by some extremely uncomfortable sensation. Here’s where the analogy of the frayed wire
may help you understand autism a bit better.

When you go to your stereo and turn on the tunes and all is
working well with the speaker wire then the sound is sweet, and crisp, and
clear. You hear what the artist and
producer intended for you to hear - and it’s a good and pleasant thing. However,
if your speaker wire has a short in it, if it’s frazzled by a fray, then things
might not go so well and a clear connection could be lost.

There are moments when that frayed wire may be in the perfectly
placed position to still allow really solid sound to pass through. In that moment the music is coming through loud and clear and you get to enjoy the groove.

But then something shifts – even just a little, and suddenly that worn wire produces static
(and maybe even sparks). The music's still there, but with it is another competing noise –a sharp and crepitating
noise– a noise that’s taken something pleasant and made it painful.

All of a sudden something shifts again and everything has
gone from simple static to overwhelming
and excruciating white noise. In the
chaotic cacophony you find yourself reaching for the volume control in order to
mute the mess because it hurts.

Then things shift once more and the frayed wire is now in a
position where nothing’s getting
through. The connection has been lost
and all is silent. The stereo itself is still making a melody, but that melody
is trapped inside the machine and unknown to anyone on the outside.

Welcome to autism!

Our neurological wiring – the “speaker cable” through which
the five senses travel within us – is "frayed."

At one point we’re positioned so that the
things of life are coming through clearly and we may almost seem OK and maybe even “normal” - our melody might momentarily sound marvelous.

Then the wire wiggles and begins to produce some static - and
we become confused and stressed because we’re trying to hear the “tune” of our
surroundings over and against the torture of the snap, crackle, and pop of the
crimped cord.

Suddenly the wire is all static and we’re utterly undone –
because the racket is just too much to bear and we’re dying from the neurological distress.

And then there are those times when the connection gets completely cut and we find ourselves
disconnected from the music and meaning of life. The tune is still in our head … we just can’t
get it out for you to hear.

The frayed wire that is autism is not a pretty place and
is often a painful place.

I’d encourage you to remember this analogy when you see a
person with autism struggling with a shutdown, or a meltdown, or an absolute
disconnect to his or her environment. The
neurological wire’s not working well. We're not insane ... we're in pain!
Please have some mercy in the midst of our malady, and show a little
compassion to us (and to those with us) as we seek to navigate the nightmare.

My Own Experience
With Autistic Angst

The personal pieces of how autism’s "frayed wire" fleshes out
in my daily existence, well, those are varied and would take a lot of time to
walk you completely through - but I’ll give you a glimpse and will trust that
you’ll love me and not laugh at me as I unbear my burden.

My hope is that this will help you understand
a bit more about life with autism, and that as your understanding increases so
will your heart for those who are hurting - no matter how they hurt.

Where the sensory is concerned much of my life has been
lived without filters attached. For most
people, the brain naturally sifts and separates visual, auditory, olfactory,
and tactile information. Your brain is able to
decipher and discern what’s important to focus on and set aside that which is
less relevant at the moment.

In my experience with autism everything flows through with equal force. Life is like a continual sensory storm. A raging flash flood of sensorial data is always pulsing through the marrow of my bones. It's a never ending devastating deluge of chaotic
kinesthesia. There’s no sensory spillway … doggone it, a dam's not even dug to help control all that’s pouring into me. Everything hits me full bore on and
I’ve had to learn to sink or swim against the surging onslaught of my five
senses.

Where sound is concerned, the voices and vibrations of this world are always pounding upon me. Life is LOUD! This can make carrying on a conversation in a room full of
people a true challenge – because I hear everything
at equal volume. My auditory abilities are often extreme. In that room, I hear your hair. Yes, you read that right. In a room full of people I literally can hear
when someone’s hair moves in the wind or when they brush their fingers through
it. In that room as you and I are trying to talk, I am hearing everyone else’s
conversation as clearly as our own (along with their hair!!) - and that’s a confusing thing because which
words am I supposed to be interacting with as we chat? Take that scenario and apply it to the classroom, the park, the church, or Wal-Mart. It can be absolutely overwhelming!

As a young child I was barely able to eat in front of others
(many assumed I had an eating disorder) because of the pain I felt when
someone’s fork touched their teeth. In a
restaurant I was always undone because not only did I hear multiple food
implements on everyone's incisors, but also all of the kitchen noise, and chewing, and
swallowing, and breathing, and the transfer of change at the cash register, and
the hum of the fluorescent lights, and everyone's clothes making contact with their chair (oh yes, and their hair!) ... on and on and on it goes.

The amount of auditory information that my
brain was processing was overwhelming and it usually resulted in a panic attack
– even at the age of 8. Everything that
I heard hurt – it still does. By grace, though the years I’ve been able to develop some coping
skills that now allow me to survive a bit better - or sneak away when I know I can't.

My visual experience is also rather radical. Like many on the spectrum bright light can
be painful – honestly, any light can be painful and I often compensate with sunglasses. I can also get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of imagery that my mind is attempting to process at one time. I take in everything in a panoramic sense - and that sometimes makes it hard for me to focus on the central thing I'm supposed to see. I've found that wearing a ball cap helps me filter, by force, that which is crashing in by flood - it works in the same sense that "horse blinders" do at the race track.

One of the unique and
challenging aspects of ASD for me is that my neurological wiring has an odd
criss-crossing of visual and tactile. I feel what I see. When I look at a tree I literally feel the
bark. When I see a wall or a chair (or your hair) my body senses its surface. When I read a
book I feel the page. The same is true when I see your face, yes, I feel your face … which is one piece of
the problem that some with ASD may have with looking others in the eyes.

Take a moment and look around.Think
about what it would be like to feel everything your eyes see.

Welcome to my world!

My panoramic vision and the accompanying deep memory vault that is often part of autism have an interesting correlation. I view life in pictures and my brain
categorizes and catalogs all that I
see.

Everything
I look at goes into what I call the mental “file folders” of life. Things are subconsciously stored in my mind, in vivid detail, and under specific headings – I’m not able to always call
things up on command, but I regularly experience a meticulous mental “finger flipping”
through the files of past experience when I enter a similar situation.

For example, when I walk through the door of
my house my mind flips through the pictures of every other time I’ve ever
walked through the door of my house. It’s an involuntary visual occurrence that at times
can be overwhelming. When I grab a
shirt out of the closet I re-live where it came from - even down to the rack at
the store where I found it and what other shirts hung near it, as well as all the other times I've worn it. I may sit
down for a haircut and in a matter of moments re-live every other hair cut I’ve
ever had (in great detail … the number of combs or brushes on every counter,
the pattern of the tile, the position of the pictures, the people congregating for a coiffure). The same could be true when I go to a
drive-in window, play a piece on the piano, or see you in the grocery store. Please realize this if I seem startled when I run into you somewhere - I may be re-living our entire relationship!

One tough aspect of that deep “file folder” memory, as it’s coupled
with the disconnect of autism’s frayed neurological wire, is that sometimes it
can be hard to moor myself to the current moment. There are times when I have
to fight my autistic physiology in order to determine which picture I'm seeing is the current picture. Which image is the here and now? Is this scene of life “live
or is it Memorex?”

In light of this reality, I sometimes feel like I’ve never fully lived a moment of my life (the frayed wire) nor ever truly escaped
one (the visual file folders). And that
can be really hard at times.

Where touch is concerned, I often physically feel things
from the inside out. When you touch my
flesh the first sensation that I have is from the center of my bones – and it can be rather fiery - anything from a dull burn to extreme electrocution. That feeling then
flows backwards to my skin, at which point it’s usually not quite as
painful. Often when someone shakes my
hand, or pats me on the back, or kisses me on the cheek I will feel that
sensation for at least an hour before it fully dissipates.

Clothing can hurt to wear.

Sheets can hurt to cover up with.

The most intimate forms of affection can be a great affliction.

There are times when
the internal terrorism of the tactile makes me want to rip my bones from my
body – which is one of the reasons you’ll often find those of us with autism
engaging in some form of stimming (rocking, flapping, finger flicking) – it’s
our attempt to counter all that is caustic.
(More on stimming soon.)

Because I speak and sing for a living, people are often shocked to learn that I
struggle with issues of communication – verbal and non-verbal.

My verbal abilities have been honed through
years and years of hard work (my mom used to drill me on the practice of public speaking over summer break). In spite of the success in overcoming my struggles, throughout my life there have been many
seasons of selective mutism. Honestly, in certain settings there are still those moments of selective mutism, because I
know the “wire” isn't working well and that my attempts to talk aren't going to end well. So, I
simply don't talk. To me, silence has always been a virtue of self-survival.

When I do talk I constantly coach myself in order to make
my mind and my mouth correctly connect. Speaking
is not an unconscious or habituated thing for me (really nothing is a habituated thing for me because I think through every action in great detail).

My talking to you is an exercise in extreme
self-control and a labor in almost Nietzschean "will-to-power", which can be
exhausting - and which is one of the
reasons that I can only endure so much conversation before I have to bail.
(Sometimes I realize I can come across as a little bit rude – it’s because I’m worn
slap out from words.That's no excuse for sinful behavior, but perhaps it will help you understand my struggle with that behavior.)

Because my mouth and my brain don’t always work well together, I have found it much easier to allow my
thoughts to fly from my fingers than to leap from my lips. That part of my “wire” isn’t nearly as frayed, and is definitely my preferred form of communication.

Where the non-verbals are concerned there are so many stories.

As a young child I spent hours in front of the mirror
teaching myself how to really smile.
Even now, there’s a “director’s voice” in my head where I walk myself
through which learned facial expression is the appropriate one for the moment.
My vault of “file folders” is part of what now helps me read other’s
expressions accurately – I automatically pull up other encounters with laughter, and sadness, and seriousness and then apply that “photograph” to the current
event. (Are you beginning to get a
glimpse at how exhausting autism can be? I don't even smile at you without work.)

I also trained myself to look people in the eyes at a young
age. From my earliest days I can
remember my neck shaking and my head drifting down when someone’s eyes would
“touch” my own (an eye “touch” is what
it felt like, and it was incredibly uncomfortable - it was moist and squishy and made my skin crawl).

As an elementary age child, I forced myself
to sit in class and stare the teacher down from a distance. When my neck would begin to shake and when my
eyes started to drift I would push all of the pressure of my neck muscles down through
my body and into my toes – establishing a form of muscular “toe transference”
that I still use to this day as a primary form of autistic coping.

I could talk to you about so many other things … strong seizure
like moments where my brain seems to shake in a violent fashion or petite
mal periods that steal away sections of my day. I
could discuss why at times I hit my head (and that conversation is coming), why
running is almost impossible for me, how monocular vision may possibly be
playing a role in my inability to determine depth, and how hard I’ve had to
work to learn to develop empathy for others – because emotional understanding,
for me, has been an autistic anathema that only the mercies of Christ have helped me
overcome.
What does autism feel like?

In me, it feels like all of this and more.

What words will ever adequately explain?

I know them not.

What I do know is that through every autistic “danger, toil,
and snare” through which I’ve already come, “'tis grace has brought me safe
thus far, and grace will lead me home.” In that grace – in the God of that grace – I find a sufficient salve for
all of my autistic suffering. And as I've given the smallest glimpse into my own version of autistic angst I truly pray that you have increased in even the smallest sense of autistic sympathy!

17 comments:

Lori, for years I've worked in the clinical setting with people who live with ASD. I've read numerous articles, but I have never gotten a better feel for what autism actually is like than I have from this post. Thank you for writing and for explaining these things. This is an article that should be widely shared and even required reading for educators and for advocates.

I am so blessed to call you friend! I never knew you went through this life of... Well...autism. I love you and I thank you. I am now a mother of a child in the spectrum. It is a new diagnosis that I have not shared with many. I am still processing all that the diagnosis means for my child, his life and his future. I thank you for the blog. This helps me to understand him a little better. God bless you my friend!!!!Your pal from years ago...I always go right.

Dearest Lori - You adorn the Gospel so beautifully though you are suffering every nano second in ways I can only imagine, not nearly understand. Thank you for bearing your soul so honestly, though I'm sure it pained you in many ways to do it. Are there ways that friends can help make any of this less painful? Perhaps being more aware of our own movements, hair touching, lighting when you are in our homes, etc.? Thank you again for this transparent post.Jen Eccleston

Lori, everything I read from you makes me understand a little bit more. I can't thank you enough for the ways that you have helped me understand my son better. This may be your best post ever and is the clearest thing I have ever found on what it is like to live with autism. Please keep writing. I have sent this link to everyone I can think of because this message needs to be heard.

Lori - I just read this on The Mighty and then clicked onto your links. I wanted to say thank you for this. I learned so much. I'm looking forward to reading the other articles on here. I was so excited to discover that you were a Christian. I thought you must be from the article. My daughter with asd struggles so much with her faith and I haven't found any Christian's with asd out there. I'm so excited to have found you.

My SPD isn't that severe but I understand this very well. You did a beautiful job. I think in pictures and metaphors so the frayed wire really worked for me. When I was 10 doctors told my mother after my IQ test that I had no filters so I was constantly overwhelmed but offered no help. I never connected that to all the shrinks I saw crying "I have no skin." or "I'm in a pinball machine." They don't speak visual metaphor and I was drugged for every psych misdiagnoses possible. I was a journalist who traveled, married, and had extremely high empathy. When I learned my father is on the spectrum I'd ask doctors, couldn't I be as well? (He's an Ivy League professor, but socially unusual and aleximythia is very strong.) No, I had so much emotional sensitivity about others. Now I know they don't know who we are INSIDE. You have empathy - you wouldn't write this if you didn't know the pain of others. Sometimes empathy is intellectual. It's logical.

I'm high functioning. What it means is remove me from an environment I control I hurt unless a hyposensitive sense feels good. It means I am a date rape waiting to happen - I'm gregarious and have no idea what flirting is. I get jobs easily and quit quickly from sensory problems. I'm afraid of email because what if I said something too honest? Cliques make me frustrated and I cry about why won't people put pettiness aside and work together. Crowds cause mental pain. Light and noise are like bullets. I stay up all night - it's quiet and no surprise questions like "want lunch?" will hurt me. Physically it hurts. I can't shift gears, it's an assault. I hyperfocus into what I enjoy forgetting to eat I or sleep. I get wired tired. Oral communication shuts down in groups - who am I supposed to focus on? Parties I hide on rooftops or at my own, my bedroom.

And that's high functioning.

I wish someone would explain what's going on with NeuroTypicals. THAT'S the mystery. Why do they discuss Brad and Angelina? And lie so much? And think opinions are facts? And not believe others whose first-hand experiences aren't the same as theirs? How do they agree to random social norms culture to culture without critical thinking? You don't sound crazy. You can say explain your experiences with reality. I wish NeuroTypicals would.

Lori, thank you for coming to Istrouma Baptist to share your experience. It was a HUGE revelation to me. As a volunteer with special needs, I left with a renewed vision of how I will approach my children. I also cried, recognizing, I've made so many mistakes from my lack of knowledge & understanding, despite all my good intentions. Your sharing is a blessing. Thank you.

HOW I WAS CURED TOTALLY FROM AUTISM I had my first attack of (AUTISM) when I was a kid, I wasn't diagnosed until 27 years later when I was totally experiencing speech delay. It was so terrifying that I began dropping things and losing sensitivity to sounds, having severe fatigue and muscle weakness. A horrible poor eyes contact began. I sometimes can't walk straight and fall onto walls and I get leaning disability, the English medications i used proved abortive. i was so frustrated that i had to contact My neurologist,he told me about a new RRMS (relapsing-remitting MS) drug which was only in its trial stage, CAMPATH. I started the chemo-type treatment and some prescribed drugs like: RISPERDAL, EFFEXOR XR, GEODON and MEMANTINE. which resulted in 1st seizure of my life, thereby adding more salt to my injury. As a result to proffer solution to my problems, i started going online in search for a cure, i came across a testimony of a woman who got her son cure through HERBAL MEDICATION, at first, i doubted because of the misconception that autism can not be cured. But i later contacted the Doctor through the email provided, and I used his Herbal product, after 1 month of use, I noticed tremendous improvement in my health, 5 months after, I can proudly say, I've been totally cured by Dr.williams Herbal Medication from AUTISM..., If you have the same health issue, you may contact him for a total change of story, Via: drwilliams098675@gmail.com . I believe your predicament will be a thing of the past just like mine.

HOW I WAS CURED TOTALLY FROM AUTISM I had my first attack of (AUTISM) when I was a kid, I wasn't diagnosed until 27 years later when I was totally experiencing speech delay. It was so terrifying that I began dropping things and losing sensitivity to sounds, having severe fatigue and muscle weakness. A horrible poor eyes contact began. I sometimes can't walk straight and fall onto walls and I get leaning disability, the English medications i used proved abortive. i was so frustrated that i had to contact My neurologist,he told me about a new RRMS (relapsing-remitting MS) drug which was only in its trial stage, CAMPATH. I started the chemo-type treatment and some prescribed drugs like: RISPERDAL, EFFEXOR XR, GEODON and MEMANTINE. which resulted in 1st seizure of my life, thereby adding more salt to my injury. As a result to proffer solution to my problems, i started going online in search for a cure, i came across a testimony of a woman who got her son cure through HERBAL MEDICATION, at first, i doubted because of the misconception that autism can not be cured. But i later contacted the Doctor through the email provided, and I used his Herbal product, after 1 month of use, I noticed tremendous improvement in my health, 5 months after, I can proudly say, I've been totally cured by Dr.williams Herbal Medication from AUTISM..., If you have the same health issue, you may contact him for a total change of story, Via: drwilliams098675@gmail.com . I believe your predicament will be a thing of the past just like mine.

As a sign of gratitude on how my son was saved from autism, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.My son suffered autism in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, he always have difficulty with communication,and he always complain of poor eye contact . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and they left the contact of this doctor who have the cure to autism . I never imagined autism has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my son will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my son used it and in one months time he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life.autism has a cure and is a herbal cure,you can contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get this medication, Thanks.

DR WILLIAMS CURED 7 YEARS AUTISMI am sharing this testimony for my daughter who suffered autism for 7 years. I am doing this, because I was her mother and caregiver during her dark days and am very happy to share it so that others can be helped through DR WILLIAMS HERBAL MEDICINE. It was a tough a battle for her; I was not actually the one who hard autism, but bearing the burden makes me understand what parents whose children and love with autism go through.Lesia now 19 and was diagnosed with autism at the age of twelve, for seven years, she fought against her diagnosis. I must admit it was never easy for us as a family; we had to constantly watch her, and answer questions that we couldn’t explain. On several occasions, she asked if she will ever stop having speech delay and get well like her school mates and be the best swimmer she dreamt of becoming. She was a very happy child; and had a ‘normal’ childhood and there was no suggestion that she would later on develop autism. She refused to accept defeat and fought autism. She religiously kept to her medications in spite of their side effects. We all wanted a cure, so that she can chase her dream and live a normal life like every other child. But the more she takes these medications, the more her school grade drop. She couldn’t concentrate and we noticed that her memory was being severely adversely affected. Each time we went back to the hospital, her medicines were changed to a different one. Seems like, each change of drug brings about change in side effects. After about 6 years on Abilify , Geodon , and other medicines, it seemed the autism started to increase in frequency. I had to make effort to reduce her medicines with plans to eventually stop it all. We found an alternative treatment in homeopathy, which was better than her English drugs. Gradually, I reduced her drugs, and her autism were no longer as frequent as it was as when she was on conventional drugs.With our little breakthrough with homeopathy treatment, we made further search for natural cure. Fortunately we saw testimonies about herbal medicines which cure autism. We saw a lot of claims though, contacted them and didn’t get a useful reply. Lucky for us, we finally got a reply from Doctor Williams, he directed us to his blog where we saw a lot of information about his herbal medicine . Without further delay I made a purchase for her, I switched her over to it. We had great breakthrough, that in 3 weeks, her autism reduced. After 1 months as Doctor Williams promised , all autism symptoms stopped. It was like a miracle for us. since all this days now Lesia became autism free. Her story is quite lengthy, I hope it also help someone out there.for more information you can email Dr Williams on drwilliams098675@gmail.com

DR WILLIAMS CURED 7 YEARS AUTISMI am sharing this testimony for my daughter who suffered autism for 7 years. I am doing this, because I was her mother and caregiver during her dark days and am very happy to share it so that others can be helped through DR WILLIAMS HERBAL MEDICINE. It was a tough a battle for her; I was not actually the one who hard autism, but bearing the burden makes me understand what parents whose children and love with autism go through.Lesia now 19 and was diagnosed with autism at the age of twelve, for seven years, she fought against her diagnosis. I must admit it was never easy for us as a family; we had to constantly watch her, and answer questions that we couldn’t explain. On several occasions, she asked if she will ever stop having speech delay and get well like her school mates and be the best swimmer she dreamt of becoming. She was a very happy child; and had a ‘normal’ childhood and there was no suggestion that she would later on develop autism. She refused to accept defeat and fought autism. She religiously kept to her medications in spite of their side effects. We all wanted a cure, so that she can chase her dream and live a normal life like every other child. But the more she takes these medications, the more her school grade drop. She couldn’t concentrate and we noticed that her memory was being severely adversely affected. Each time we went back to the hospital, her medicines were changed to a different one. Seems like, each change of drug brings about change in side effects. After about 6 years on Abilify , Geodon , and other medicines, it seemed the autism started to increase in frequency. I had to make effort to reduce her medicines with plans to eventually stop it all. We found an alternative treatment in homeopathy, which was better than her English drugs. Gradually, I reduced her drugs, and her autism were no longer as frequent as it was as when she was on conventional drugs.With our little breakthrough with homeopathy treatment, we made further search for natural cure. Fortunately we saw testimonies about herbal medicines which cure autism. We saw a lot of claims though, contacted them and didn’t get a useful reply. Lucky for us, we finally got a reply from Doctor Williams, he directed us to his blog where we saw a lot of information about his herbal medicine . Without further delay I made a purchase for her, I switched her over to it. We had great breakthrough, that in 3 weeks, her autism reduced. After 1 months as Doctor Williams promised , all autism symptoms stopped. It was like a miracle for us. since all this days now Lesia became autism free. Her story is quite lengthy, I hope it also help someone out there.for more information you can email Dr Williams on drwilliams098675@gmail.com

Sycamore

Lori Sealy

Here We Go!

This is a blog about the goodness and grace of God, even amidst the angst of autism.

So ... how did this whole thing start?

Well, I said I'd never do this but obviously here I am. After being challenged, encouraged, goaded and double dog dared, several years ago I began to blog.

Near the end of 2008, I found myself with renewed passion for God's Word, Kingdom, and people and I was stirred, through nothing other than the simple means of grace, to a hunger and thirsting for righteousness unlike any other time in my 20+ years as a Christian.

During that period, I began typing out the things that were striking me the most in my quiet time each morning. Honestly, I started because I wanted to have a written record that I could pass along to my children one day - lettered Ebenezers reminding them of how much their Mom loves God and His Word.

While doing that I found myself so excited on certain days that I began to email my musings to some of my girl friends, hoping to encourage them even as Christ was encouraging me. Many of those gals challenged me to put these things online in a blog form so others could have access to them. That's how this site started.

Now, to shoot really straight with you, that personal "revival" of mine has pendumatically ebbed and flowed over the course of the days, months and years since 2008. For a prolonged period after that initial renewing surge I actually found myself in an utterly antithetical place. God, in His wisdom, was pleased to grant me a substantial season in the dark dungeon of "doubting castle" - those days were some of the hardest of my life post-Jesus but were providentially ordained days ultimately used for my good and for my God's glory.

"Through many dangers, toils, and snares I have already come" by nothing but the amazing grace of an amazing God.

I've learned that even in the midst of the darkest of days there's just something about the light of God's Word that is powerful. The Scripture has been an anchor for me in the storm surge of life. Even when my eyes have seemed to be rather veiled and my vision somewhat dimmed, there has still been a re-focusing force that has risen when I have gazed long and hard upon the Word of God. Thus, even as a saint who struggles, I continue to write of my God, my Redeemer, His promises, and His truth.

I'm not always very regular at posting here because there are many more important duties in my life right now than blog uploads - ie. being wife, mom, housekeeper, cook, taxi service, chief bottle washer, and laundry lady - along with that music thing I do as a side gig! But, as time allows I'll be cutting and pasting from Joshua and Elizabeth's future journal gift and sharing some of it with you as well.

Thanks for stopping by!

Sycamore

The Sealy Family

Phillip, Lori, Josh, and Elizabeth

Sycamore

Who's Doing This?

Lori Sealy is daily amazed at the grace of God in her life. Adopted as an infant and raised in an evangelical church, she rebelled against the things of Christ during high school and considered herself an atheist. Upon entering college, the God who ordains our steps ordained that her path would cross with several students who loved Christ and loved His Word. During that first year of college, she set out to destroy the faith of these young Christians. They set out to pray for her salvation.

Knowing that "faith comes through hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ," six college students daily confronted her sin and challenged her with the truths of God's glorious Word. Their obedience in proclaiming the good news of the gospel of Christ bore fruit in August of 1988 when by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone, she was adopted for the second time in her life - this time into the family of God.

Lori is now the wife of Phillip Sealy. They live in Sylva, North Carolina where Phillip has been called to plant a new church for the Presbyterian Church of America (PCA) - Redeemer Church Sylva. The Sealys have two children Joshua (14) and Elizabeth (12). Lori and Joshua both live with autism.

In her spare time (what little there is) Lori masquerades as a part-time songwriter/singer and performs on a limited monthly basis. Lori's newest CD, "The Strife is Over," has recently released. Hard copies of it, along with her last release "Begone Unbelief", are available through CD Baby and Lori's own website. Digital downloads are available through iTunes, Google Play, and Amazon mp3!

Sycamore

Click for my adoption story

Sycamore

Why the Sycamore Tree?

Zaccheus, the wee little man, wanted to see Jesus and so he climbed into the sycamore tree in order to get a good look. Lori, the wee little wife and mom, longs to see Jesus as well. I realize that the place where I will catch a true glimpse of Him is in the pages of His Word.

The Bible is my sycamore tree and I find myself longing more and more to climb up into its branches that I might see Christ more clearly. This blog is simply a record of what God is teaching me as I spend time in "the tree" of His glorious Word. If anyone reads it I'll be amazed; if anyone profits from it I'll be humbled; and if anything good is found in it Soli Deo Gloria!