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A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn....

It's gonna get harder before it gets easier. But it will get better, you just gotta make it through the hard stuff first.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Weirdness settles in.

My progress towards this body show is going the way it designed to - the stubborn parts are melting, my clothes are falling off (even the pair of pants I bought just a month and half ago, and my favorite clothes designer Kuhl don't sell in smaller sizes), and all seems to come together. Skipping not-allowed food choices had become a second nature, the appetite adjusted, the brain switched the desires, the double (or triple) workouts are fitting in no matter time and level of business. At the same time, the excitement is wearing off, and the goal seems pretty vague at this point, again. Almost like I had come to a point where I am ready to live, yet I am still supposed to strive for something, and I can't grasp that goal in my mind. 4 weeks out, I should be a little more eager, you think? What was that I was going to do?

But it had become simply a life style, what is not necessary a bad thing, just not thrilling. I am not even liking all that much this extreme way I look right now, I enjoy more of a feminine curve in female body, athletic and fit, yes, muscular, to the point, strong, absolutely, not flabby, hopefully...but still feminine and sexy. Funny how it is, huh? We often strive and think it is outside our reach, and then we get it, and now we want to find a middle ground. I guess I needed to be where I am to figure where I want to be for a lifetime. This is good for the goal I am aiming for. Once it's over, a pound around my behind won't kill me. I am happy I could show to anybody willing to try that nothing is impossible! The fact that I could do it tells me I really have no excuses to not keep myself trim. I just wish I could test that wind-resistance theory now being so narrow:)

But my foot is still not at the point where I can go and float up and down the trails (or roads), which doesn't help with my mind set. The weather has been simply beautiful. If you told me 2 years ago I would call 90F a great day (and 70F is truly a God-sent morning), I’d laugh you out. But we are enjoying the cooling off, although at the same time mourning the losses of homes and parks to fires all around Austin and beyond. Now we just need a good ol' hurricane, and hope that all the dead nature (or at least most of it) will be able to revive. One can hope...and dream of a good single track under the feet, wind in the pony tail, smile all across the face...

The MRI was read, and bottom line is, since it was taken 3 weeks after the injury, there is a thickening of a plantar at the point of attachment to a calcaneus (heel) bone, as well as a thickening and an edema and contusion at the bone itself. Which may or may not indicate at the tear of PF and a stress fracture of the calcaneus, but it does prove that PF still exists, along with that bone edema, and since it is a weight-bearing bone, it takes 3 months at the minimum (up to 6 easily) for this combination to heal. What means I am for sure, absolutely, not running a half-marathon on roads on my birthday (next day after the show) - because even if by miracle I'll be able to jog soft trails by then, I am not risking jarring it on 13 road miles for the sake of fun when I have a Rim to Rim to Rim trip planned a mere 2 weeks later - and face another 3-6 months off. This, so far, has been THE longest time off running for me EVER! Already! Grr! This is when you truly realize how important it is for you, really, far more than training, racing, choice of surface...just the movement for the sake of sanity..

And, of course, there is that house, and this is that nice tickling feeling, so soft, so warm and fuzzy...and my time with Stephen has been so precious...and my yoga classes have been awesome...and life is really wonderful, really!

Accept everything about yourself. I mean everything. You are you, and that is the beginning and the end; no apologies, no regrets. Clark Montanas To grow is to go beyond what you are today. Stand up as yourself. Do not imitate. Do not pretend to have achieved your goal, and do not try to cut corners. Just try to grow. Svami Prajnanpad

p.s. my heartfelt congratulations to US teams at World 100km championship - men took gold and women got silver as teams. Personal applauds to Meghan A., Amy S. and Pam S.!

2 comments:

It has been so interesting to watch your body transformation Olga. You've stripped away all those old platitudes about what you can and can't do. It's really given me inspiration that I just need to buckle down and eat right and get the rest of my weight off.

So hard not to run! I hope all the rest you're getting will allow you to do the R2R2R! But if not, the Grand Canyon will still be there. Glad you can still see all the good in your life. I tend to wallow in everything that's wrong.

Did you ever post more specifically about your diet? I know you're gluten free and paleo, but I'd love to hear more specifics of your day to day. I'm normal weight but I've decided I'm tired of being so soft. Especially at my age I really need to start working at it!

Great marriages are the result of two mature, grown up people – both of whom have full, satisfying lives – cooperating with each other to get their needs met. In this kind of differentiated relationship, each partner compliments the other, but doesn’t complete them.

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“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” - e. e. Cummings

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." M. Scott Peck

Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference. Virginia Satir

"It is not that my identity is running. But I need running to keep figuring out what my identity is."