Sunday, May 31, 2009

I've been spending quite a lot of time reading real news. It's a drag, so I decided a night off was in order. We all deserve nights off.

I like stand-up as much as the next guy or gal. Unfortunately, I was introduced to Mitch Hedberg after he passed away. Although, I guess never being introduced to him would be worse. I'm a little slow - not hipster material.

Last night I was reminded of his brilliance. I thought it fitting to offer you a taste. For additional laughter search him out on google video, funny or die, or youtube. It's worth it.

Friday, May 22, 2009

See article below. Here's the part worth mulling over: "The resolution specifically asks the president 'to issue a proclamation calling upon citizens of all faiths to rediscover and apply the priceless, timeless message of the Holy Scripture which has profoundly influenced and shaped the United States and its great democratic form of government.'"

Let's blow some additional time and, more importantly, taxpayer monies on resolutions asking the president to issue proclamations calling upon citizens of all faiths to rediscover and apply the aerobic benefits of red rover, or the mental benefits of Sudoku, or the tanning possibilities provided by our favorite star, the fucking Sun, Mr. Paul Broun. At least these have factual, verifiable components. But, how outraged would the majority of Americans be if Broun proposed a resolution targeting the hygienic qualities of regular bathing?

Georgia, do the country a favor and flush Paul Broun. Also, just for fun, read the actual words of our founding fathers. Skip the latte and spend 30 minutes researching these dudes. You'll see that Paul Broun is doing the state of Georgia, the country, this nation's solid, rational political roots, and even atheists a disservice.

The Bible bill?

When the clock strikes midnight on Dec. 31, 2009, Rep. Paul Broun (R-Ga.) hopes you’ll be ringing in “the Year of the Bible.”

It’s probably just wishful thinking.

Broun’s simple congressional resolution aimed at honoring the Good Book has produced a push-back of biblical proportion in the blogosphere, with critics dismissing it as either unconstitutional or a waste of time. Jews in Congress and atheist activists are dismissing the resolution, while none of the many Democrats in Congress who are Christian have bothered to sign on as co-sponsors.

According to GovTrak.us, the resolution is among the most-blogged-about pieces of legislation, with most posts less than complimentary in nature.

“Does that mean 2009 is not the year of the Bible?” mocked Rep. Barney Frank ­(D-Mass.), who is Jewish. “What is 2012 the year of? The Quran?”

“That’s an endorsement of religion by the federal government, and we shouldn’t be doing that,” said Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.), even though he has introduced his own legislation dealing with religion.

“Republican lawmakers with apparently too much time on their hands and no solutions to offer the country are pushing a resolution that will not address the nation’s problems or advance prosperity or even untangle their previous governing mistakes,” blogged the Progressive Puppy.

Broun rejects the critiques leveled at this effort.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with Christianity,” he said in an interview with POLITICO. Rather, he says, it seeks to recognize that the Bible played an integral role in the building of the United States, including providing the basis for our freedom of religion that allows Muslims, Hindus and even atheists to vocalize their own beliefs.

And even as Nadler criticized Broun, he has done his own share of mixing religion and legislation.

Last year, he introduced a bill that would overturn a federal appeals court ruling — an “idiot” decision, he says — that a condominium board in Chicago had the right to ban Jews from installing mezuzahs, which consist of a piece of parchment inscribed with a specific religious text put inside a case and hung on a door frame.

Condo boards shouldn’t be able to interfere in an individual’s right to practice his or her religion, Nadler said.

But he himself declined to install a mezuzah on his congressional office door when asked by a rabbi, even though he does so at home.

“That’s my religious symbol, and the office does not belong to me; it belongs to the people of the congressional district, and no one should feel uncomfortable walking into the office if it’s not their religion,” Nadler said, describing his feelings on religion and Congress.

“Same thing with the Bible. ... It’s not everybody’s religion. And the federal government should not be imposing religious viewpoints.”

Atheists, who might feel themselves a particular target with the declaration of a biblical year, aren’t even worried about Broun’s effort.

“Right now, we’re seeing atheism on such a rise,” said David Silverman, vice president and national spokesman of American Atheists, a group dedicated to fighting for the civil rights of atheists.

“We are seeing Christianity on such a dramatic decline that we’re not particularly worried about it. We’re thinking that this kind of old-style George W. BushRepublicanism is about to go away,” Silverman said, referring to the latest Pew Forum survey of American religious life, which showed nonreligious Americans as the fastest-growing group.

And it may be the best-selling book of all time, as Broun’s resolution points out, but the Bible isn’t such a popular legislative topic.

A search of Thomas, the online congressional database, for “Bible” yields just one other bill: a resolution to have the “Lincoln-Obama Bible” on permanent display in the Capitol Visitor Center.

The resolution specifically asks the president “to issue a proclamation calling upon citizens of all faiths to rediscover and apply the priceless, timeless message of the Holy Scripture which has profoundly influenced and shaped the United States and its great democratic form of government.”

As for the economy, health care, global warming and all the other issues on Congress’ plate?

“While we must focus on fiscal policies that provide relief to families during these tough economic times, an endeavor I have been working tirelessly towards in this Congress, we must also not forget to protect and celebrate our fundamental freedoms that the Bible has influenced,” Broun said.

Broun has gathered 15 co-sponsors, all Republicans, but says he’s looking for more and hopes Democrats will sign on, as well.

“This is not a partisan issue,” he said. “I want it to be bipartisan.”

Whether he’s successful or not — the same measure didn’t go anywhere last year — at least Broun and his fellow supporters can take heart in one fact: They already had a “year of the Bible.”

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Remember the good ole days? Remember how we, as a nation, would torture our enemies while smoking, and yes inhaling, a cigar in one side of our national mouth all while devouring a bloody 72 ounce steak in the other? Remember when we'd rinse off at our neighborhood pool with DDT? Remember when we could backhand our child in a grocery store without Child Protective Services following us home? Those days are over. America's going to hell!

This is the kind of argument I've heard a lot recently. It's been a constant among close-minded people for some time. Yep, we're a nation of weenies. Collectively, we cannot do a pull-up. We're weak. Defeat is imminent. It's all over!

"We've become a nation of sissies. And if you're offended by my use of that word, then you're exactly the person that I'm talking about. You want another example of the sissification of America?"

"And generally, I think that the limp-wristedness -- and that's the only way I can think of to describe it -- that's going on at home, spells weakness in the 'war on terror'"

"Yes. Yes. Root word: 'sissies.' That's what we've become! Hey, Joe, go watch United 93. The only conclusion one can reach in watching that movie is that we must kill these SOBs before they kill us and our kids!"

Okay, Walter Williams commented on the sissification of this country back in 2002, and Michael Smerconish did so in 2006, so this isn't exactly fresh, but I still think it's relevant.

The point is the guys invoke Oprah and Jerry Springer and children's sports (Smerconish says that his children have many trophies. He only ever had four. We're taking the losing out of sports. Thus, we're sissifying America), and even Hollywood to make a shitty, idiotic political point. It's a big fucking leap, dude. If we used Hollywood films for our politic compass, we'd be in bad shape. This guy is suggesting we watch a movie in order to gain further understanding of American foreign policy. No thanks, Michael.

These guys aren't the worst; they're just the most prominent voices against sissies in America. Others state that men taking women's sir names is a form of sissification. Still others suggest political correctness is to blame. Liberals get pointed at, too. Who the hell can we blame?! We must blame someone!

I know why America is sissified - and it has nothing to do with Oprah, Springer, trophies, or movies. It's totally chemical, people! And, we, the writers of Stuff Po, have already voiced our hatred of pesticides.

Recently, America's greatest "news" anchor, Bill O'Reilly suggested the United States is in danger of becoming Sweden. It's a curious argument. If we were Sweden, we'd have outlawed Atrazine in the 1980's. You see, Atrazine, an herbicide, is also an "endocrine disruptor-chemically castrating all male amphibians by stripping them of a key hormone." The United States uses about 80 million pounds of this stuff a year. That's a lot of Atrazine. Now what's more likely to be "feminizing" this country, an abundance of sports' trophies or herbicides (aka toxic chemicals)?

Pointing out the fallacies of each and every 15 second Fox News clip is like sleeping. We can all do it, and it's fairly easy. I find this clip about the recent tea party protests to be especially hypocritical. O'Reilly's my favorite journalist. No surprise, right!

Incidentally, and I don't know if this is true, but I heard that Greta Van Susteren once applied for a job here at Stuffington Post. I don't know if that's true or not. Is that true, Mo? Seriously, maybe I should have checked before I wrote this, but I'll mention it anyway in a sophomoric attempt at further discrediting her credibility, and, incidentally, the credibility of Stuff Po's biggest competitor in faux news, Fox News.

Who knows! Why would I know? I am only an employee of Stuffington Post. Fuck, what's the extension to HR! I must have thrown it out with the recycling. HA! You think I recycled it? I don't recycle!

It shouldn't take more than 200 seconds to confirm that, right? I don't have that kind of time. Since I haven't done that and I have no desire to ever do that, because my end goal is neither fairness nor balance, I don't know if that's true or not.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Each and every week I struggle to not post Fox News-related lunacy. Again, this week! I've decided to use the Fox News clips for rant ripe with non sequitirs, but that'll have to wait for tomorrow, because for now it's the Clips of the Week. Why? Because Monday is part of the week, and I've selected my clips. I've chosen two this week, but as you'll see they belong together. Enjoy!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

I just found out that Guinness, among other beers, is made using fish bladders. Did you know this? I'm not the beer drinker I used to be, but this is still very disturbing. The source is reliable-I heard it on NPR (okay, it was a quiz show, but still... Here's a fun Wikipedia link in case you don't care to listen to the whole show).

This is nearly as disturbing as the time we found beef extract listed on a box of Walmart-brand chocolate cake. Actually, what it said was "may contain beef extract," which is even more disturbing.

Sorry if anyone already 'kind of' knew this but not officially and now that I'm officially telling you you have to stop drinking it. I guess I should have put a spoiler alert on this one, but it's too late. Now you know!!!!!!! If you want revenge, you can just share with me one more thing that has gelatin in it. I've found the pretty much everything delicious does. Mmmmm....hooves...

If you're one of those "vegetarians" who eats fish, I also learned (coincidentally from the same quiz show) that recent research by German scientists has revealed that fish do indeed get seasick.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Stuff Po tried to sit down and iron out a hip new background for our Twitter page. Yes, we did. But, after spending much time throwing together a list of items we enjoy discussing, it just didn't mesh with Twitter, so we abandoned it in favor of a new, leafy template. Yippee! Now we can get back to wasting our afternoon with the help of CNN, Fox News, and Guardian UK. Here's what we were going for.