Stoner Sex: Laziness, Singlehood, Worried Vets & Bad Habits

Dear Hyapatia,
My guy and I get high all the time, of course. But when we have sex, he has a hard time staying awake. I think he smokes too much weed. If we were to wait until after sex to smoke, maybe he wouldn't be so tired and be such a lazy lover. As soon as he comes, he falls asleep. I want to snuggle a bit and talk about things. Any ideas?
Jenny

Dear Jenny,
It’s not fair for him to expect you to please him and then be unable to reciprocate. Try having him smoke only sativa. That should help a lot. If it doesn't, try smoking only a half-joint before sex; save the other half for afterwards. Good sex requires that both parties fully participate.

Dear Hyapatia,
I don't have a boyfriend. I’ve been single for about three months. I’m getting kinda desperate. I don't like to be alone and this is about the longest I’ve gone without a boyfriend or sex. Any suggestions?
Candy

Dear Candy,
Often it seems that when one is looking for a lover, you can get hooked up with some of the biggest losers out there. Try not to look for someone; just let it happen naturally. I know that may be easier said than done, but concentrate on getting to know yourself. What do you like to do in your spare time, besides get high? Where do you want to go? What do you want to see? What things do you enjoy? This may be one of the few times in your life when you’re able to concentrate on just yourself and what you want. In the process, you may find a nice guy who enjoys the same things that you do. One more thing. A good sex toy can be a girl’s best friend!

Dear Hyapatia,
I’m an Iraq veteran. I’m very concerned about what is going on over there now. Isis is worse than Al Qaida ever was. I’m afraid that we’re going to end up with troops over there again, and I just may be one of them. With all this going on inside my head, sex is impossible. I’m too worried about the world to be able to let go and enjoy, I guess. I don't usually smoke every day, but lately I have been. My girlfriend doesn't really like my increased usage because it costs us more money. She says she’s willing to go with a little less sex in order to save money. I don't know how to explain this to her, but I just can't slow down my smoking now, sex or not. Too much is going on. I may be deployed again. I’ve been so depressed, but you know how the VA is – I’ve got no chance of seeing anyone soon. Am I just being weak? Is my dependence on weed just psychological? It’s not about the sex anymore – really – although that release is more and more necessary.
G. I. Joe

Dear G. I. Joe,
Wouldn’t it be great if the government would pay for your cannabis? That’s one tax increase I wouldn't mind. Don't worry about your consumption. You’re going through hell right now as you worry about redeployment, in addition to what you've already been through. Use this time to help yourself. You can't help others, like your girlfriend, until you help yourself. I’m sure that if your girlfriend knew fully what state you’re in, she’d back you up too. So communicate. Let her know that weed is helping you. Your state of mind is very important. Smoke on, soldier, smoke on!

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend likes to drink a lot. I don't. I wish she wouldn't drink so much. I’ve tried for a long time to get her to stop or slow down, but that just doesn't seem to be an option for her. The only good thing about it is that she’s very sexual when she drinks. We’ve had some great times, but I’m really worried now because she’s starting to do pills on a pretty regular basis – I mean, every weekend! I know this is a very bad combination and I’ve tried to tell her, but she never listens to me. I wish she would just stick with weed. How can I get her to stop this dangerous behavior?
Shelly

Dear Shelly,
Tell her that you understand that she wants to feel good, but don't want to lose her. Talk to her. Ask her if there is something giving her a hard time. It could be any number of things. You’ll never know unless you ask. Unless she’s suicidal, she should appreciate your concern and, hopefully, she’ll act accordingly. It’s important that she recognize the consequences of her behavior – the possibility of personal danger and the long-term health risks. Once she recognizes what drives her to booze and pills, maybe you’ll be able to help her. You could try having her smoke stronger herb and have her smoke more frequently. But if she won't open up and continues to party heavily with pills and booze, she may have a bigger problem that requires rehab. Good luck.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at hya@hightimes.com

Hyapatia Lee was one of the wold’s most popular adult film stars during the 80's and 90's. In 1995, she received a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Free Speech Coalition for her First Amendment rights activism. Today, she is a successful singer and songwriter and has released two albums. She is an active member of NORML and has been an avid marijuana smoker since a doctor recommended it in the early 1980s to help ease her pain from a pinched nerve. She is an experienced grower as well and currently works in the medical cannabis industry.

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