At least once as kids, we all gave an action figure's head the ol' 360-degree spin. Watching the confusing 3-D sequel "G.I. Joe: Retaliation," you know how that toy felt.

I get that a bad guy posing as the president (Jonathan Pryce) sells out the Joes, and before you can say "ghost protocol" the military operation has been discontinued--with survivors Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Lady Jaye (Adrienne Palicki) and Flint (D.J. Cotrona, vanilla) left to take back the free world from a guy who says things like, "They call it a waterboard, but they never get bored" and, "They say this is a thankless job, but yesterday I hung out with Bono."

Maybe knowing the basics are enough. The film, a needless follow-up to 2009's slightly more fun "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra," was bumped from last summer's schedule to allegedly beef up the 3-D conversion and supposedly increase screen time for suddenly mega-huge co-star Channing Tatum. Well, without getting too spoilery, let's just say "Retaliation" is barely more of a Channing Tatum movie than "Public Enemies." The effort to elevate the returning cast member's presence doesn't pay off. The movie only excites in that giddy, teenage-moviegoer way during bonkers action sequences, like when ninjas transitioning from a bungee cord to a zipline and battle on the side of a mountain. It reminded me of an international, high-stakes take on Nickelodeon’s "Guts," and that's a plus.

Shockingly bad dialogue includes Lady Jaye planning to "cyberblast an encoded beacon" and a top American intelligence official assessing Pakistan as "a riot with a zip code." Really, sir? What is the zip code of Pakistan, off the top of your head?

Perhaps a younger viewer in the Hasbro franchise's core demographic can explain the multiple shifts in allegiance by Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee), a warrior who actually gets his shirt pulled off during a battle. Or what's up with the blind old wise man played by RZA. Or why Jaye claims to be a Fox News reporter when talking to the president without a camera or tape recorder. (Jokes about Fox news aside.)

Compared to the straight-faced, offensive "Olympus Has Fallen," it's easier to shrug off the goofy nuclear weapons talk in "Retaliation." But I'd be lying if I said the film did much to make my pulse race. I was too busy laughing at it.

The runner-up to Ald. Deb Mell in the Feb. 24 election filed a lawsuit Tuesday alleging widespread problems with voting in the Northwest Side 33rd Ward aldermanic race as he tries to force her into a head-to-head runoff five weeks from now.

The Evergreen Park youth baseball coach who blew the whistle about Jackie Robinson West using ineligible players — leading to the team being stripped of a Little League national championship — faces disorderly conduct, assault and several other charges in connection with an incident...

Hershel Phillips is the youngest suspect in a large "crash-and-grab" ring that barreled through the doors of high-end stores and made off with more than $2 million in merchandise over the last several months, according to police.

The Chicago Cubs on Tuesday sought City Hall permission to expand construction hours at Wrigley Field, with bleacher work falling well behind schedule on the team's $375 million ballpark renovation project.