Don't Be One of Those Parents

Keeping your children's running goals all their own

What happens when the cheers from the sidelines turn from encouraging to demeaning? Parents of young harriers often play a prominent role in the athletes' lives, and they need to be sources of positive encouragement, but sometimes transferred aspirations can be placed upon those young shoulders. It can be tricky to navigate the line between encouraging excellence and demanding performance, even if seen as for the child's sake, be it for personal development or dreams of scholarships and fame.

"I know parents always want what's best for their children," recognizes University of Oregon graduate and professional runner Nicole Blood, "so I'm sure it's hard not to get too involved." Perhaps the greatest point to keep in mind for parents, though, is that it needs to be the individual athletes leading their careers. Yes, parents should be a strong support system and help to bolster an athlete's confidence, but the fallout from being too overbearing, controlling, or wrapped up in the drive for success can result in not only a loss of interest in the sport by the athlete but also lasting damage to the parent-child relationship.

So just how can parents balance being involved in their child's running without becoming added stressors or negative influences?

"My parents did a great job; they let me make my own decisions and deal with wins and losses in my own way, and no matter what, they stood by my side," says Blood. "I was hard enough on myself, so they knew they didn't need to do anything extra." The children are the ones logging the miles and toeing the line; it should be up to them to decide the course their careers will take. Parents and coaches are there to offer guidance but the love of the sport has to come from the athlete. National high school 5K record-holder and University of Wisconsin freshman Emily Sisson says: "When I think of parents or coaches that have gone too far, I think of parents that just forget that this is their child's sport. ... Running should always be something you do because you love it. It shouldn't be something you do to please someone else."

FIND A BALANCE

Running can become a consuming sport, but it shouldn't be all-consuming. Parents should encourage their children to pursue other interests and maintain a social life.

This also helps to ensure that running doesn't become the athlete's sole identity. "It's reassuring to know that no matter what happens, I will always have them--and this thought alone really keeps everything I do in perspective," acknowledges Sisson. Parents can help athletes to accept losses and let them know it doesn't take away from their worth as people.

KEEP IT FUN

Running has to be a passion of the athlete, not the parent. "For any young athlete to have a shot at being successful in college and beyond, they have to be having fun," asserts Blood. "You can't dedicate your life to something you don't enjoy." At the same time, being chastised after poor performances isn't the way to bolster enjoyment of the sport or inspire the confidence to keep it up. "I've seen some parents yell at high-schoolers after a mediocre performance," adds Blood. "I could not imagine being yelled at after a bad race--or ever for that matter. I need a hug from my parents and encouragement for next time."

BE PILLARS OF STRENGTH

Any running career has ups and downs. These are opportune times for parents to be there for their children. "When I needed my parents' support the most they always looked on the bright side," recalls Sisson. "There is no way I would have gotten through any of that without them!" Being a sounding board to vent frustrations or reminding the athlete that everyone has their share of setbacks or struggles is a way parents can be there for them; more than , likely the athletes are hard enough on themselves and the last thing a parent should do is pile on any extra burdens.

COMMUNICATE WITH THE COACH

Seek a coach and team that provide a positive atmosphere. Open communication among the parents, the athlete and the coach is critical. "When an athlete questions a coach, the parents can do a lot in encouraging the athlete to communicate with their coach," says Albert Caruana, the Crystal Springs Uplands School coach in Hillsborough, Calif.

Running is at once rewarding and demanding, fun and, at times, grueling; it requires dedication and persistence and, ultimately, that drive must come from within.

CAITLIN CHOCK, a 2004 high school graduate from Roseville, Calif., set the then national 5K high school record of 16:10.