Daily Archives: April 21, 2010

A draft contract containing details about Sarah Palin’s speaking fee and requirements was obtained by California State University, Stanislaus, students who claim they found the document in a Dumpster. Here are some of her demands:

Hotel room must have a “moose couture” styling to it

Most recent copy of all newspapers

Children’s caretaker must be of Korean ethnicity or higher

50-gallon aquarium containing a minimum of eight piranhas that haven’t been fed in a week and a bucket of ducks

If the name of the speaking venue exceeds four syllables, then it must be temporarily changed to “Thompson Hall”

Book of word searches and package of string cheese for Todd

Extra red clothing just in case something happens to her other red clothing

Audio engineer must ensure speakers are capturing full cuntiness of voice

Dressing-room lighting fixtures must be equipped with non-efficient bulbs

Palin must have “five (5) black pillar candles of 13″ in length and 3” in circumference, one (1) stone altar of Baphomet, one (1) obsidian dagger, and one (1) baby delivered to her dressing area no less than two hours prior to her speech”

From The Onion Issue 46-16(I know … two in a row from The Onion. Hey, it just happens to be the funniest site out there right now.)