Can Guys Actually Tell If You Faked an Orgasm?

The first time I faked an orgasm, I did it because I was tired and knew I wasn’t going to be able to get off. I was with a woman who had made it plain to me that she preferred I be on top, which gets tiring after a while because you’re essentially holding yourself in a plank while simultaneously thrusting. (I’m not in great shape, in case you couldn't tell.)

I’ve faked it a few times since, mainly because faking it often seems much easier than being honest. I’m honest about not being able to cross the finish line more often than I fake it, but when I am honest, the woman I’m lucky enough to be in bed (or the back of a car) with sometimes takes it as a challenge—or it makes her feel bad because she thinks it has something to do with her (when in reality it never does).

It’s just that sometimes I’m drunk, and sometimes it’s because my antidepressants have all but cured me of the premature ejaculation issue that plagued my early years of sexual activity. And if you’re with a woman for the first time, you usually don’t want to talk about your anxiety and/or depression. (Even though I’m writing about them here for all of you to read.)

I guess I’m saying that I get why some women fake orgasms. There are many reasons to do so, and none of them are particularly harmful. It’s dishonest, sure, and I don’t think you should do it with someone you’re engaging in sex with regularly, but sometimes it’s not a horrible move. Getting a woman off is more difficult than getting a guy off, and you don’t want a guy getting after it longer than you want or are comfortable with just because he equates your coming with winning a prize.

Of course, anecdotal evidence suggests that women fake orgasms more than men do. My roommate Stephanie estimates that 99.5 percent of women have done so.

It made me think back on my own sexual experiences, back to the times I suspected a woman may have faked an orgasm with me. I like to think that I would have noticed, and there were times when I thought I was listening to a performance, but I would never call someone out on it. Which means there was no way to know for sure.

Until now.

I reached out to several women with whom I have had carnal relations and asked them if they had faked it with me—and if so, why they did. Some of them were willing to talk about it.

Here are the results of my fact-finding mission:

“I can’t actually remember if I ever faked it with you. I know that the one time I told you that I never get off from penetrative sex and that you got me close. That was the last time we had sex, though, right? I might have faked it before then because we were always drunk when we hooked up, and I get tired and dehydrated when I’m drunk. I don’t remember a specific time this happened, though.” —Karen H.

“I did, but we were so young and inexperienced back then that my ‘faking it’ was telling you that you had gotten me off when I was actually mistaken. A few years later, when I had my first real orgasm, I was like, ‘Oh, I have misled some people.’” —Hannah L.

“No. The first few times we had sex I didn’t come, but we were, I think, pretty drunk during all those encounters. I’m not sure if you got off, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t. We just had an unspoken agreement to not talk about it, I guess.” —Katie P.

“I think I’ve faked it with at least half of the men I’ve been with. For a bunch of reasons, but usually because I don’t want them to feel bad or I don’t want them to keep trying. You aren’t going to use my real name for this or anything, are you?” —Emily W.

“I did, more than once. I guess I just didn’t want you to feel like you were doing a bad job.” —Katie C.

“We never had a problem with that. I told you what I liked and what worked for me. When you failed to get me off, it was mostly because you had to stop in the middle of things, right when they were getting hot, because you had to pee. That happened a bunch of times.” —Sarah G.

“Ohhhhh. I’m going to have to get more drunk and then answer this. I will say I never faked anything with you.” (She never got more drunk, apparently, because I haven’t heard from her since.) —Jaclyn F.

"I did. I use a vibrator, so I'm slightly desensitized to oral. And the quickest, fastest way to get me off is by having sex or using a vibrator. So I just wanted to get to that, really." —Ashlee B.

“The first time we slept together, yeah. It’s hard for me to get in the frame of mind I need to be in to come when I’m with someone I don’t know that well. Because I’m too worried about how I look, whether they’re going to tell all the gory details to their roommates in the morning, etc.” —Tanya M.

“Yes, but I’m at work right now and can’t really Gchat with you about this. And I wouldn’t want to talk about it with you anyway. I’d prefer if you just stayed out of my life altogether. I’ve moved on and don’t feel like I want to answer questions with you about whether I did or didn’t come when I was with you.” —Dana P.

I had expected more women to cop to faking an orgasm with me, to be honest. Especially since I haven’t been with any of them in quite some time and I gave them an opportunity to tell me I was awful in bed. I suppose society and pop culture had taught me to expect them to fake it because you hear so often that so many people do. But at the end of the day, they still got to have sex—which is pretty groovy and usually feels fantastic, regardless of whether one or both or neither of you actually orgasm. Sure, getting off may be the end game when you go into it, but it’s not the reason you have sex; it’s to be intimate with someone else or to feel good, release stress, or just have some fun.

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