THE BEST FUNNY JOKES!

Dog JOKE (1st joke of the minute)

A local business was
looking for office help.
They put a sign in the window, stating the
following: "HELP WANTED.
Must be able to type, must be good with a computer
and must be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time
afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign
and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then
walked over
to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the
receptionist got the office manager. The office
manager looked at the
dog and was surprised, to say the least. However,
the dog looked
determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the
dog jumped up
on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said,
"I can't
hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog
jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a
perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager
and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager
was
stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be
good with a
computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to
the computer. The dog proceeded
to enter and execute a perfect
program, that worked flawlessly the first
time.
By this time the
manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog
and said, "I
realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some
interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The
dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on
the
sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be
bilingual".
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said
"Meow".

Marriage JOKE (2nd joke of the minute)

Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a
successful New York
contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten
Island Ferry when a car got
loose and sent him into the river where
he drowned.
The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in
deepest black, was
standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving
condolences and
enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of
the contractor came up.
"I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble,"
offered the friend. "Did Mike
leave you well fixed?"
"Oh, he
did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars."
"Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write."
"Nor swim either," added the widow.