If you are religious, you can be Rightly Religious or Wrongly Religious:

Rightly Religious = you are an American who believes in the God as per the Bible – it is the Word and the Truth and it is Right, always, no questions. You automatically love America and therefore have a very good chance of chilling out for eternity at my Heavenly pad when you’re done on Earth (if you’re good i.e. pray regularly and fear Me)

Wrongly Religious = you are an American who believes in God, but not the Right God as per the Bible, and therefore you automatically hate America and have a 100% chance in ending up in Satan’s miserable den for being so wrong.

So to summarize, less than 4% of the world’s current population* are the only ones going to My eternal chill out Zone when their time is done on Earth.

* calculated as follows: world population (6.4 billion) – Rightly Religious Americans (around 227 million). Everyone else misses out unless they get a US citizenship and believe in what I clearly explained in the Bible.

Non-theists are perplexed when Believers take offense to ideas that challenge the Believers’ beliefs. This quote from Douglas Noël Adams (DNA) encapsulates the rationale for the offense:

‘Here is an idea or a notion that you’re not allowed to say anything bad about; you’re just not. Why not? – because you’re not!’

He’s right of course. You can argue about anything else that you like (within reason), but you can’t argue about the existence Me.

But the question we shall explore here, is Why Not? Well, because you’re not! OK, but Why Not?

Well, answering the question beyond “Why Not” leads to a slippery slope for My Believers. As an example, if a Believer starts accepting the notion that it’s OK to discuss the rationale of My very existence, this only opens their mind to other ideas, and that can only lead to trouble. And as I have revealed to you previously, the idea of opening your mind to a rational discussion about My existence based on reason is an abhorrent idea, as it breaches the sacredness of your beliefs.

Let Me explain. Religion is a closed system. It is a closed system in the sense it must be protected from outside “intellectual” interference (read: Devilish thoughts). This protection is provided to you, by Me, through the notion that certain beliefs are simply sacred. The belief you have in Me is one of those sacred beliefs. And if this belief is sacred, it means that it may not be meddled with, questioned nor discussed at the dinner table (or anywhere else for that matter). The sacredness of your belief in Me therefore remains sacred. And if it remains sacred, it remains protected from outside “intellectual” interference. And the Truth of the matter is that without the sacred nature of your belief in Me the whole house of cards begins to collapse (or so the Heathens believe).

And so take heed of Mr Adam’s answer, as it is self-evidently correct and is the only possible answer you can provide to a Heathen without opening up a nasty can of worms that will eventually eat you up and burn you for all eternity.

Atheists often attack the “evil mumbo-jumbo” believed by My followers. And it’s time to put a stop to it, I Tell Thee!

The fact is, My sheep, you are not doing nearly enough to argue your case! However, there are some of you that are trying (in some cases, very trying). For example, let’s take Derek Whose Mind Is Twisted’s latest post as a splendid example of how you can argue against the idea that I’m a Bad Dude.

Derek starts:

“A lot of people today call Christianity violent. In this poll, most people think that Christianity is violent in practice. I still have no idea why people consider Christianity to be violent.”

To counter this fallacy, he quotes from Deuteronomy 13 Deu 13:1-5 (a chapter from My #1 Bestseller, available at all Good bookstores now), which Derek accurately summarizes:

“Think about it though. If a false prophet comes into Israel and turns many people away from God, therefore subjecting them to eternal torture in hell, wouldn’t it be better if that person were dead, rather than all the Israelites subject to the same fate?”

OK, I’ve thought about it…Of course it would be! How could anyone doubt this? Anyone (especially a false prophet) that turns my True Believers away from Me is better off dead. That means all the atheists too (let’s face it, you can’t get more false prophecies from anyone else). Apart from the fact that all my False Prophets are equally “wrong” or equally “right” depending on which side of which fence you happen to be sitting on, where’s the debate here?

And then reassuringly, Derek’s twisted mind reminds all you miserable sinners:

“A point to make is that no matter what God does, people will always refuse Him (until God destroys the earth, that is).”

So, at the end of the day, it’s all going to be OK. And then this mortal with My-Given genius concludes:

“That’s another reason God can kill people: We deserve it. Actually, we deserve worse, and this all results in supporting Christianity. Odd how an atheistic accusation will do that.”

I just don’t see how the Heathen can make a case against this piercing logic.

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Update 7-28-07 – Derek has now changed his post without notifying his readers that he has done so. He also removed the trackback. See comments below.

This Harry A. Gaylord believer is clearly on the right track to having a cosy place by My side in the afterlife by pointing out one of the most heinous developments in the evilsphere:

“Many of the practices by Harry Potter and his friends or classmates, like casting spells and using chemicals to help or hurt people, are not fiction but happens everyday in the real world of those who actually practice witchcraft.”

Burn those blasphemous books!!!! And Harry (a) Gaylord goes on:

“The Bible is the most powerful book in the universe. [FG – and don’t you forget it!] God’s word has been changing people’s lives for thousands of years and offers what no other religion can–eternal life in the presence of God. But I guess that’s not good enough for religious churchgoers who have a form of godliness but deny the power thereof. Witchcraft, whether it’s portrayed as good or evil, is one of the things that paves the road to hell (Galatians 5:19-21). “

It’s a sure road to Hell… So cut it out you filthy Harry Potter Witchcraft Loving Sinners!

And for you, Rowling, – you have been warned – stop leading my sheep down the slippery slope to eternal damnation!