1. "If only the Republicans had cared more about America..." - The O

"...then they cared about their precious misguided 1% wanker Republican Tax Deductions for the rich, America would have accomplished even more than it did under my able guidance over the last 4 years in the face of massive Republican whinery, FAIL, fear, ignorance, obstinancy, and general negative whacko wanko shittiness. Know what I mean?"