Wills

Sometimes I like to sit by the window of the café and imagine what people have written into their will. Not in a weird way. Just like, taking a good, long, unflinching look and trying to imagine all of their earthly possessions in the form of writing.

Can’t help it. I have strong understanding of everything to do with Melbourne probate and now I have will-o-vision. Back when I did the job- as in, when I interned at a place for three weeks- I used to do the same thing with the clients who came into the office. Best thing there was that they’d actually go on to draft a will, and I’d know if I was right…which most of the time, I was. Definitely one of my better talents, although I was asked to leave after those three weeks because apparently I was making people feel ‘uncomfortable’. Never figured that one out. I’m pretty happy with my current career, though. Coffin-making is just rewarding in so many ways that people don’t realise.

I still think about wills a lot, though. I used to be in the industry, so I’m well aware of how important it is the leave all your earthly possessions in safe hands. Also, if you’re making a will, you should specify what kind of coffin you’d like, if that’s your thing. A lot of people don’t, and they end up getting something that’s pretty cheap and doesn’t really suit their personality. That’s also a service I offer: I can look at a person and tell you their exact coffin size and type. I don’t share it unless people ask- someone told me that wasn’t a good thing to do, especially to strangers in a café- but it’s pretty useful.

It’s come up a couple of times in here, though. People around the café who need to make a will, and don’t know a single place around Melbourne for estate planning strategies. I help out however I can, you know?

Usually when I go out to a café, I’m working on my screenplay. It’s gonna be big someday, I’m telling you, but today I was so distracted. I went to see an opera last night, and I got so swept up in the lyrics and story that I’ve been daydreaming ever since. Just something about the way everything was so flawless and blended together really hit me where I live, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

It was one of those modern operas, you know the ones. A man and a woman were separated by their families, who both operated places around Melbourne that did last wills and testaments and everything to do with them. Like, attorneys and lawyers…you know, some of the singing was really hard to understand, with all the warbling. Beautiful warbling, mind you. And then I don’t actually think the Melbourne will scene is quite that cutthroat. I guess they had to amp up the drama, and oh boy, there was SO much drama. Stabbings and verbal jousting and twelve-minute solos about how much they hated each other, which was actually a lot.

Anyway, there were six acts, and throughout all of them this boy and girl met, fell in love, were separated, grew up to take over their family businesses, became bitter business rivals and eventually met while struggling to get the same client, realised that they really were still deeply in love and finished with this 24-minute extravaganza where they defied their families, shut down the business and ran away together.

Ah, man, so epic and glorious…I’ll never forget it. Not sure what actual people in Melbourne who do probates and stuff would think, but it’s such a good opera, maybe they don’t care.