I'm thinking of contacting someone I previously dated to see if he wants to date again. I know there's a good chance I won't get a positive response or will just get hurt again, but I can't help the feeling that there's some kind of unfinished business here. So I want to contact him. My questions are: (a) is trying to see if he wants to date again absolutely a bad idea? and (b) if not, how do I contact him? Do I text him and just say hello and try to gauge his response before going further? Call him out of the blue to talk? See if he wants to meet up for a drink? [more inside]
posted by singlesock
on Apr 12, 2014 -
17 answers

Hostile, toxic workplace is causing me tons of stress. I can and will do my job well, conduct myself appropriately, and be courteous and pleasant as Mrs. Cleaver at a dinner party while I'm there. When I get home, I just fall apart. Being fake for 14 hours a day is exhausting, self-censoring every word that comes out of my mouth is a trial, and documenting in detail every mundane task I've performed is time-consuming.
I need any advice, articles, or techniques to help me fake it through my days and stay sane! [more inside]
posted by notaninja
on Apr 12, 2014 -
18 answers

I'm a guy in his thirties who has never been in a romantic relationship. I've been dating through OKCupid for a while, without too much success, and I think one of the reasons is that I just don't have a model of how you go from "first date" to "exclusive relationship involving emotional commitment". Hollywood love stories are no help, and I have no real-life experience, even at second hand, of how this tends to happen. I think it would help me to read some concrete descriptions of various paths this transition can take. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Apr 9, 2014 -
14 answers

I think I have some messed up ideas about relationships, that are going to get in the way of me finding true intimacy and being a really good partner to someone. I want to get over these ideas but am terrified that acting in a more authentic and loving way will backfire. Hope me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Apr 7, 2014 -
8 answers

So I'm trying to figure out who I would hire - theoretically - to do an index or census of a personal life. I want someone who would be able to look at a life (with consent) to study it. The person would follow a subject around to determine core friends/family/contacts on a daily basis and then do research based on relationships. Then they'd objectively drill down into some key data points.
- How many of the people in my life up to one relationship away (aka my brother's good friends) are married or single and for how long
- How many of my past relationships are single/married and for how long
Beyond that maybe some polling on specific questions about the subject from those people.
So who am I looking for here? Is it a Private Investigator? A sociologist? A statistician? A life coach? Is there someone in an "I Heart Huckabees" way that you hire to do this sort of thing? Is this already a job or service someone provides and I don't know the name?
posted by rileyray3000
on Apr 7, 2014 -
5 answers

If you have failed at forming relationships (of any kind), is there a point where you should just accept you don't have the skills and are incapable of developing them? [more inside]
posted by Aranquis
on Apr 6, 2014 -
40 answers

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1.5 years, and he recently moved into my duplex with me. Now that we're living together, I just don't feel sexy or like I'm wanting sexytimes. :( It's very distressing, and I'm not sure what to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Apr 5, 2014 -
8 answers

After almost a year of planning to move abroad together my boyfriend dumped me suddenly after a tough couple of months. Can you help me diagnose what's going on here? [more inside]
posted by Kat_Dubs
on Apr 2, 2014 -
22 answers

I'm back on OKCupid after some time spent getting my head on straight (well, bi I guess). I'd like some third party advice on my profile. Friends are ok, but they're too nice to be really helpful. [more inside]
posted by showbiz_liz
on Mar 31, 2014 -
52 answers

I'm 30 and female. A year and a half ago I broke up with this guy who I had been with for just as long. I didn't want to break up with him, because I loved him dearly, but I had to because he was treating me so poorly near the end. Ever since we broke up, I've been a semi wreck when it comes to anything romantic. I had an ill-advised rebound with a secret alcoholic followed by a guy who took me for a three month long ride. Meanwhile my ex got back in touch from afar (he lived in another state) this summer and started calling me every night, telling me he loved me and was open to us being together again when I moved to where he lived. But when I actually did move to NY (where he lives) not for him but to start my career in earnest, he abruptly changed his tune. Suddenly he didn't even want to be my friend and couldn't stay in touch. We last spoke a month and a half ago (we've been in very sporadic contact since I moved) and I haven't heard from him since. [more inside]
posted by caseofyou
on Mar 30, 2014 -
26 answers

I'm a 30-ish heterosexual cis-male in a long-term relationship with an awesome woman. We've been together for about four years, have lived together for about three of those and I think we're both pretty happy with it. I want to talk to her about the fact that I sometimes like to dress in women's clothing and would like to get your opinions on how to approach that conversation. Snowflakey details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Mar 30, 2014 -
38 answers

Lengthy, but I would so appreciate helpful perspectives. For some time there have been certain 'unhappy' factors in my life that I have been able to manage - but almost a week ago something seemed to trigger crisis mode and I have felt very low and almost completely unable to shake the feeling since. [more inside]
posted by Kat_Dubs
on Mar 26, 2014 -
16 answers

My girlfriend is currently 3000 miles away for the next 2 months and neither of us are naturally that talkative so our skype chats tend to just peter out at the end, when we would both like to spend more time together. We are looking for suggestions for 2 player games or activities we can play/do together online or over skype while we are chatting. ios or online games only (we don't have gaming computers with fancy gfx cards). Ideally things that are easy to understand and accessible for non-gamers but deep enough they will keep our interest over several play sessions.
posted by Another Fine Product From The Nonsense Factory
on Mar 24, 2014 -
9 answers

I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend. We are both mid-thirties; have discussed marriage and kids and are on the same page;we live together; and things are great. Except for one thing - I initiate sex most of the time and want it more. I know the next part is not right, but, me initiating things all of the time makes me feel bad. I know it is a stereotype to expect men to be wanting to have sex more. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Mar 23, 2014 -
9 answers

I am 34 years old, and for the first time in my life, I am embarking on a 'normal' relationship. My insecurities are causing me extreme anxiety, and I'd like your stories and insight and tips on what I might be being realistic about, and what I'm not. Apologies for a long explanation inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Mar 11, 2014 -
30 answers

My about 15-year marriage is in severe difficulty. A big part of this is me being too needy. My wife and I knew I was needy before we got married, but both thought that getting married would fix it. It hasn't. I'm taking an antidepressant, and we are in therapy and both committed to staying together. I've read some other answers on AskMi, and am following up with some book recommendations, but I feel like I need more help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Mar 11, 2014 -
29 answers

I am strongly considering breaking up with my girlfriend, but I haven't done this for a while and want to do the right thing. I value both honesty/truth and kindness. I know that sometimes the truth hurts a lot and may scar people psychologically, so I am looking for guidance on how to toe the line between being respectfully honest and condescendingly protective. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Mar 9, 2014 -
26 answers

I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year, and we are really in love. A few months into the relationship I discovered some diaries etc of her, which I know I should never have read, but did. I discovered how obsessed she was for years about an ex that dumped her and who she idealised, and now I really need some help to get out of this rut of insecurity and jealousy which I have created for myself. [more inside]
posted by lichen
on Mar 6, 2014 -
32 answers

Dating this new guy is crazymaking. I can't figure out if there's genuine interest, if I'm being strung along, or if it's my own anxiety tying me up in knots. Please help! [more inside]
posted by cucumber patch
on Mar 3, 2014 -
25 answers

I'm 21, I've been living in Canada for six months with my originally long distance partner and now I need to return home for financial and health reasons, leaving my girlfriend and new friends behind. I need advice and coping strategies to deal with a return to a long distance relationship with an unknown reunion date, returning home and then moving to a smaller house where I will have to share a room with my 18 year old brother for at least five months. [more inside]
posted by fallingleaves
on Feb 26, 2014 -
4 answers

I have been dating my girlfriend for couple of months. I think she is caring and very smart. I have two problems with her that to me seem very shallow however it seems that they still matter to me. [more inside]
posted by mbn1455
on Feb 25, 2014 -
50 answers

For the past two and a half years, I've been in a relationship with a Very Nice Man. We are both in our early 40s, and when we met we had both recently left much longer relationships, although neither of us came straight into this. We own our own houses, and neither of us has kids, although we do have pets. So we're fairly stable, with few obvious complications. The Little Big Words were said long ago and are repeated sometimes, and he describes the relationship as serious. There are no significant problems in the relationship, and things are always good when we're together. So what could possibly be wrong? [more inside]
posted by sockasm
on Feb 24, 2014 -
33 answers

For most of my young adult and now adult life, I'm having more and more difficulty taking control of the resentment that seems to build up as the result of my inability to communicate. I'm not sure if there's an overlap between the two, but I can't remember a time when I'd feel one without the other. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Feb 19, 2014 -
16 answers

Single. Male. 30. Only child. Hetero. I don't feel the need to get married and/or my expectations of my ideal future spouse are keeping me that way? Too smart and objective for my own good? Normal or am I destined to be forever alone? [more inside]
posted by rippersid
on Feb 18, 2014 -
26 answers

I have a high sex drive, my partner has a low sex drive. This incompatibility is making me depressed to the point that I feel like I can't stay in the relationship, despite everything else between us being really, really great. I don't know what my options are or what I can do to try and work with this. [more inside]
posted by Vrai
on Feb 15, 2014 -
33 answers

Struggling with my boyfriend's apparent lack of effort in our relationship, but I'm not sure if it's worth trying to work though, because he won't discuss if he have a future together. [more inside]
posted by hasna
on Feb 12, 2014 -
39 answers

I am currently in my late twenties finishing my degree in Information Technology. I live in a large city. I'm a sociable person. My question is, not working in the professional environment, how could I find a professional mentor? How do you recommend someone build such a relationship? Any ideas? ....
There are industry related conferences within the area which I sometimes attend. Professors seem like an option. But what steps should I take to form such a relationship? Is it something you would ask for explicitly?....
I'd just like to thank the community in advance for your feedback. It's been something I'd like to do, but due to uncertainty in how to go about it I haven't. Thanks!
posted by Nicholas Geary
on Feb 12, 2014 -
8 answers

I'm in the early stages of a relationship with a wonderful woman; it's our second go at this. I'm pretty sure this is love. But my anxiety and depression is holding me back, or making me doubt how I feel, or stopping me from actually expressing how I feel. And I don't know how to navigate this. I don't know whether to push through all these uncertainties or walk away. Help me work it out, mefites. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock
on Feb 11, 2014 -
18 answers

This is a financial/procedural/ethical question, not a relationship question. My SO and I recently bought a house together. The loan is in SO's name, because we got a better rate that way. SO is therefore the official owner right now. Our verbal agreement upon commencing the search for a house, and what we both decided was fair, was that my name would be added to the deed after we closed. We also talked about what we'd do if we split up, and we agreed that one would buy the other out, or we'd split the money from the sale of the home (minus our individual contributions to the down payment).
We've moved in, and in typical fashion, haven't gotten around to the deed bit. Actual question after the jump. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Jan 29, 2014 -
23 answers

I'd like to learn a little bit more about what couples counselors, therapists, and psychologists have written about the stages that long-term relationships go through, what the issues and concerns are in the different stages, and what approaches are helpful in keeping the relationship strong at different stages. The articles I've been able to find on the web are pretty shallow, and seem to assume that the purpose of marriage is to have kids. I'd like to find something that is more appropriate to a couple who got married at 40+ so have already attained (presumably) a certain degree of wisdom, and for whom kids are not in the picture or in the cards. Authors that I have found helpful and intelligent in the past have been Gottman, Sue Johnson (Hold Me Tight), and the author of perennial AskMe favorite The Five Love Languages. I'm specifically interested in the 5-10 year stage, but welcome broader surveys as well.
posted by matildaben
on Jan 29, 2014 -
5 answers

I want to ask my boyfriend if he'd like to move in together for mostly practical reasons, but I'm not sure if I should ask or be patient. Lots of snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by gumtree
on Jan 27, 2014 -
32 answers

A friend of my girlfriend's is getting married in Asia over Christmas 2014. She's planning to go, and wants me to accompany her (and, money aside, I'd like to go). She'll be upset and disappointed if I don't, and is already upset and disappointed that I'm balking. She makes enough money to afford the trip without financial contortions, and...I don't, or don't feel like I do. This is a recurring point of contention in our relationship, and, generally, I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable, she's being unreasonable, or a little bit of both. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Jan 26, 2014 -
58 answers

Which would you choose: a great job and lifestyle OR being close to your family and friends? Especially if you really can't have both at the same time...? [more inside]
posted by elizamina
on Jan 25, 2014 -
33 answers

My significant other and I do not share many common hobbies/interests. I feel that the limited free time I have is going more into the relationship and less into pursuing my personal interests. Has anyone dealt with this situation successfully, or is a relationship without much hobby overlap doomed to fail? [more inside]
posted by Anon500
on Jan 23, 2014 -
25 answers

How does one practice detachment in a codependent, anxiety-rich relationship? How can I be the husband my wife needs me to be whilst also getting what I need? [more inside]
posted by yasp
on Jan 22, 2014 -
47 answers

I've lost 2 different friends because I've asked them to stop making snide remarks about someone I was dating. It makes me wonder if this is normal in friendships and I should just suck it up? [more inside]
posted by Autumn
on Jan 19, 2014 -
36 answers

I've been spending all my time with this awesome girl but she's sending extremely mixed signals and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Jan 17, 2014 -
29 answers

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