DATA: Captain's log. I have successfully improved ship's efficiency. My analysis has shown that all efficiency problems stem from human error, therefore I have eliminated all humans. With all ship's operations wired into my positronic matrix, I project now that efficiency of ship's operations will increase by 37%.

Data: I was ordered to convince you to leave this planet, but I have determined that if you were dumb enough to elect this idiot to lead you, that it would be an inefficient use of my time to save you. See ya!

Picard: Does she know we're recording her dreams and using them to write our screenplay?

Nuria: Are all gods bald?

Riker: 3 days! 3 days since you last used your deodorant!

Picard: Oh, hello Mister Data. Nothing to see here.

Data: Captain, I must remind you that there are surveillance cameras in the turbolifts.

VILLAGERS: Okay, we'll come with you.
DATA: You must come with me, or else...wait, what?
VILLAGERS: We said we'll come with you.
DATA: You will? You mean we're telling you to leave the place you call home, and you're putting your survival and practical necessity before your emotional attachment to it?
VILLAGERS: Yes.
DATA: Seriously. You're messing with me right?

Data realized he was out of place five nanoseconds after beaming into the middle of a Ren Faire.

Crusher: I'm sorry sir, but there's nothing I can do.
Picard: Councilor Troi is going to die?
Crusher: No, she'll just point out the obvious for the rest of the show's run aside from a handful of insightful moments.

Aliens flipping out the moment they see their planet from space: the real reason for the Prime Directive.

Riker: I'm doing the German three, right?

Picard: Well viewer, are you glad you paid for the remastered Blu-Rays? I know I am.

Data: I do not believe you can be classed as a 'mob' unless you have torches and pitchforks.Angry Villager #1: They're coming.Data: Damn.Angry Villager Chorus: Kill the freak! Kill the freak!

Picard: So what's she like?Crusher: Not good.Picard: Really? I'm surprised at that.Crusher: She was hit by a blast of psionic energy, what do you expect?Picard: Oh...yes of course. That's what I was meaning--Crusher: You were wanting what she looks like naked, weren't you?Picard: [hangs head] Yes.

Captain's Personal Log, supplemental. I don't think I can take many more of these paternity suits against Commander Riker.

Data: Second Officer's Log. Apparently, about 250 years and several thousand light years did not diminish Bieber-Fever. I'm afraid, we will have to quarantine yet another colony. In addition, it is not recommended to tell the inhabitants of Tau Cygna V that Kanye has more talent in his left pinkie than Justin Bieber has in his entire body.

Dr. Crusher: Jean Luc, now do you believe your speeches are deadly?

Picard: And, so the Doctor told us that he would be watching us, as we watch you, to make sure we did not interfere with the timeline.

Nuria: Who watches the watchers?

Picard: The Doctor.

Nuria: Who?

Picard: Yes.

Picard: Explain this to me again?

Riker: On this planet, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

Picard: Captain's Personal Log, Supplemental. The crew believe I am lucky to be going on an away party with the Doctor and the Counselor. However, in my experience, it just means I'll be nagged the entire time, like women love to do. "Captain, you shouldn't just head off until I've done a medical scan." "Captain, I'm sensing danger, you shouldn't just go on ahead." Blah, blah, blah...

Dr. Crusher: You know we can hear you when you do your log entries, don't you?