Open Letter to Jerry Jones regarding Tim Tebow

Can I call you Jerry? If so, Jerry, we need to talk. You’ve got a problem and I’ve got the solution.

Your problem is that you and America’s Team, the Dallas Cowboys, have become a national joke.

Please don’t immediately dismiss this letter because of the above statement of fact. For the record, I affirm and celebrate your outstanding job as owner and general manager in the last century. You and head coach Jimmy Johnson led the Cowboys to three Super Bowl championships in four years (yes, I know that Barry Switzer coached the final championship, but it was with players selected by Jimmy Johnson).

First of all, you should know that I’ve been a Dallas Cowboys fan since I first became conscious of the team. I was born when the Cowboys were, in 1960. I think I was a Cowboys fan in the womb, although I cannot prove this.

Had you asked me in the Tom Landry era or the Jimmy Johnson era if I would ever stop being a Dallas Cowboys fan, I would have said “NEVER!” with all my heart and soul.

But nearly two decades of mismanagement, mediocrity and underachieving have led me to realize that the 21st-century Dallas Cowboys are not the team I grew to love. You and the Cowboys have lost me Jerry, and I am not proud of this.

You did not listen when former coach Bill Parcells warned us about “anointing” quarterback Tony Romo too soon. Instead, you rewarded Tony with a premature $67 million contract which produced but one wild card playoff victory. Jerry, that is one more playoff victory than I have produced for your team and I throw like a girl. Then, this year you gave Romo an additional $108 million contract extension (it actually made me wonder if the NFL should begin drug testing owners).

That’s the bad news.

But I bring you tidings of great joy, Jerry. There is a solution, and the solution is named Tim Tebow.

Stay with me on this plan, as it will not only return the Dallas Cowboys to global relevance, but can also make you billions of dollars (and I know you like money).

Sign Tim Tebow to the Dallas Cowboys, Jerry. You can even declare that he is the backup quarterback to Tony Romo, even though Tebow would be hard pressed to melt down in the clutch and lose big games as Romo consistently has over the past several years.

But you are not signing Tebow as a quarterback as much as a superstar and a religious icon. Think about it: Tebow has hundreds of thousands of adoring devotees to buy his jersey, buy game tickets and make the pilgrimage to Cowboys Stadium from all across America.

This is where it gets spiritual: you convert Cowboys Stadium into a mega-church for services before the games on Sunday. The church services are conducted by Pastor Tebow. God knows he needs a backup career plan since NFL quarterback isn’t going to work out. We can get him ordained – I know an Internet site that does this.

Ever heard of Joel Osteen, Jerry? He runs a multi-gazillion dollar mega church in Houston. Well, Tim Tebow has greater name recognition than Osteen does. In fact, Tebow has greater name recognition than every living human being south of Oprah!

You can make a killing on concessions during the church services alone. You can air the Church of Tebow services on the Internet and pay-per-view television. Then the Tebow church-goers will stick around for the Cowboys games after service on Sundays.

Not only is the idea flawless and lucrative, but it offers you the opportunity to repent for the sins you committed against our beloved Tom Landry when you fired him in 1989. This is an opportunity for you to get right with the Lord.

Come on, Jerry. Think about it! The Dallas Cowboys have always been about much more than football.

The Dallas Cowboys have been America’s Team.

The Dallas Cowboys have been a religion among football fans.

Sign Tim Tebow and elevate Cowboys Stadium to the cathedral it is destined to become!