(Closed) dilema – brother’s dest wedding

So my brother and sister in law are having a destination wedding this spring. Darling Husband and I just got married ourselves, bought a house and are expecting a child in February. I’ll be about 10 weeks post partum. The problem is the cost and logistics. I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid, but it’s going to cost Darling Husband and I a LOT of money to go to this wedding, when we are already tight with expenses since not all of my maternity leave is paid. The flights and hotels are pretty expensive, and of course the flights aren’t at all convenient – either leaving before 6 am or returning after 10 pm with a couple hours in the car to get to and from the airport. That’s going to be a blast with a baby.

I’m ust realy struggling. There’s really no way that we can’t go, but it is really creating a financial burden for us and several of our family members who want to attend. I know i’ll be happy that we are there, but it’s hard to accept that to be in and at the wedding we are spending so much money.

I guess I’m just venting. Anyone else experience difficulty making it to a family or friend’s destination wedding?

I feel destination weddings really are a burden on close friends and family that feel they must be there. Especially when they are having finacial difficulties or are a student. It is also difficult for the elderly to travel. I just feel that a wedding is very important and I would budget for someones wedding well in advance so I could be there. I just would cheap out on the gift if I was spending a lot of money traveling.

Have you talked to your brother about it? Will he make you feel guilty if you don’t go? I don’t have any expierence Destination Wedding so I am not much help. I hope that he will understand the financial hardship that it will put you in. Just talk about it with him and try to work it out.

I agree with talking with your brother about your concerns. Coming from someone who is planning on a destination wedding and knowing it could be a burden, talk to him. I had to change mine from a Hawaiian cruise to a week in Key West. My future in-laws would make little comments here & there about the cost of going to Hawaii. So I took it upon myself to do some research and found that to spend a week in Key West will be the equivalent to just the airfare to Hawaii.

And I didn’t mind changing the venue. I wanted everyone to be able to come, now his more of his family will be able to join us 🙂 Plus you mentioned that some other family members have also mentioned the cost. Bring that up as well. Personally I would rather change my venue and have more people that I care about there then to put a lot of people out and only a handful come, but that’s just me.

i agree with ms sassy. i am also having a destination wedding and neither my family or my FIs are well off. i had the attitude that i would not be offended if anyone can’t come. of course i realized that we also couldn’t get married without our parents there. so we decided to adjust venue/resort in order to have our families there (we are staying at a 3 star instead of a 4 or 5 star). i also have a lot of close friends as BMs. i know they would feel terrible if they couldn’t come. i would also be hugely disappointed if one of them couldn’t come…BUT i would not be mad or make them feel guilty and i made that clear.

but for family, i did adjust some things i wanted to our immediate family could come. in fact, because my sister is a teacher – if she hadn’t gotten pregnant and will now be on maternity leave, i was going to work around her teaching holidays so she could be there.

basically my advice is the same as the others. explain in detail to your brother how important it is to you to be there, but you are struggling with it. maybe even changing the date might help with finding better flight times.

i think for people who have destination weddings, its important to understand and be okay that not everyone important will come. and if there are people that you HAVE to have there, then you might just have to accommodate them a bit.

@newbee687: We are in the same exact boat (well, almost)! My FI’s best friend is getting married in Hawaii next October and essentially every single one of his friends/fam is upset about the cost.

Three of the groomsmen will be having their own weddings earlier that year (including us) and literally none of us, even his own brothers, can afford the extra expense of simply attending/being in his wedding. The groom has requested that his groomsmen arrive on Wed. for their Fri. morning wedding — which seems unnecessary/a bit ridiculous, especially since they also won’t be paying for any of the hotel/food costs.

We obviously would LOVE to go, but their wedding decisions are putting us in a difficult place financially. We’ve told them that we’ll do our best, but if we can’t afford to pay for it in cash then we won’t be able to make it (we’re really big about not having debt — especially since it’s not for our own wedding, ya know?!).

We are having a Destination Wedding and we knew going into it that not everyone would be able to go. We made sure to plan it far away enough that people could start saving if they really did want to go. I think you should talk with your brother and let him know what your dilemma is. I think travelling with a baby would be reason enough, and Im almost positive he wont give you hard time about it. We already know that Fiance brother wont be attending our wedding.

If you really want to be there, check and see what opportunitues are available to save money. Depending on the location, you might be able to get a charter that includes your flight and accomodation for much less than the cost of individual flights and hotel.

You could also work with a number of family members to get a group discount for flights. You could rent a house or cottage and do some of your own cooking. It’s lots of fun to stay in the same hotel but not absolutely integral to your participation in the wedding.