14 thoughts on “Drug Addicts and Alcoholics – Tell the Truth”

in native cultures, at least the ones here in canada, “A liar will also avoid eye contact.” because culturally eye contact was intimate so when native person in court would look down and avoid eye contact. This was in a book I read to and I usually don’t make eye contact with most humans. Lying is part of the human condition and seems very hard to detect unless one uses blood test or the like. But I know it is money to do those tests. So finding a “tell” of addiction seems very much like guess work, as honing the skill to drink is very beneficial if one desires to continue drinking. Hope this was useful.

Lies always precede a narrative; excuses as it were. For me they were just as much internal as external. “Bad” behavior needs to blame something for its survival or it can’t continue, while the truth feels it can stand without explanation. The Big Book says it all at the beginning of chapter 5, How it Works

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being HONEST with themselves.”

Just like it says on the coin, “To thine ownself be true.” Recognizing my OWN lies to myself was agonizing.

Here is the one philosophy that changed everything for me. My sponsor asked me this question around six months into my recovery. “Alive or dead, fictional or not, can anyone I can think of make me do something I don’t want to do?” When I said no he congratulated me declared me and told me I was now responsible for EVERYTHING in my own life, No more blame, no more excuses.

You made me literally laugh out loud – which is not easy because I am at a McDonald’s play land with my 7 year old. I have gotten so angry at sponsors who had the courage to tell me the truth. The best case was the woman who told me to forgive the ex boyfriend who clearly was a total jerk and 100% in the wrong. She had the patience to argue with me for over an hour. It was a good thing because we have been married for 10 years.

I had a friend who told some phenomenally destructive lies. She had been in recovery for 20 years, was heavily involved in AA, sponsored lots of people, and always talked about honesty and accountability. The stuff she did during our friendship still puzzles me. In the end I decided that she just had a personality type that couldn’t co-exist with honesty. If she wanted something, it was like she HAD to have it, regardless of what she had to say or do to get it.

Since then, I’ve read posts by sober alcoholics who describe themselves in exactly those terms. (I am confident that she hadn’t relapsed.)

Is this a common thing? I still feel burned by our friendship, and I wonder what I could have done to avoid it.

I would not blame yourself …. my experience has been the same. Most of the sober people I know are amongst the finest of people, anyone could know. However, every once in a while, someone comes along and burns me. It stings real bad too. But I wound not change your loving trusting ways. Being too suspicious of people can be lonely.