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Week of April 15, 2016

Hey! It’s our 100th post, and it’s TOB’s birthday. He thought I forgot. I did not. He’s a good dude, as evidenced in this photo with the boy. Prone to debate. He thinks his carnitas are pretty damn good. They are.

The House That Thacker Built

This story is one of those that I read and think, “This is why we carve hours out of every week to put this blog together for a relatively small amount of readers.” It has it all. Augusta National Golf Course, which hosts the Masters, is rich as hell. There used to be a neighborhood across the street. But Augusta National bought the entire neighborhood, for over $40 million, all told. And bulldozed them all for a god damn parking lot. Every single house! Except for one – the house owned by Herman and Elizabeth Thacker.

The Thackers built the house nearly 60 years ago. They raised their kids there. Their children, and their grandchildren, and now their great-grandchildren come back for the holidays. They recently celebrated their 60th anniversary there. And ya know what? They like the house, seven-figure payout by the rich pricks at August, be damned. “We really don’t want to go,” Elizabeth Thacker said. And so they haven’t. “Money ain’t everything,” Herman Thacker said, sitting on his deck, surrounded by people returning to their parked cars after a Masters practice round, sipping on some bourbon (ok, I imagined that last part). And in the middle of this stupid parking lot, the Thackers remain. Bless you, Herman and Elizabeth Thacker. -TOB

Jaromir Jagr is one of the best players in NHL history. #3 on the all-time score list. At 44(!) he led the Florida Panthers in scoring this year, which is 26 years after his NHL debut. Read that again: his NHL debut was 26 years ago, and he’s still a legit player. All-timer by any measure, but more importantly is how his teams’ successes have been absolutely connected to his hairstyle. In short, when he rocks the flow his teams have won; when he keeps it high and tight his teams haven’t done squat. It’s all about the hair, folks. Always has been. Always will be. Sidenote: odd ESPN doesn’t contribute this to a writer- PAL

TOB: This is incredible: Jagr’s various hairstyles, the weird correlation between his hairstyles and his teams’ performances, and the fact that at 44 years old he led his team in scoring and they made the playoffs. There’s a lesson here, in comparison to Kobe’s fifty field goal attempt, career-ending night this week. Ah, yes. Kobe is still a ballhog.

Seventy Freakin Three.

Seventy three wins over an NBA season just happened, and it is somehow still unfathomable. I’m not sure how the Warriors did what they just did, and I watched a heck of a lot of it. I’ve seen a lot of debate about whether they are better than the 1996 Chicago Bulls, who won 72 games. I dunno. Maybe not, when you break down the matchups. But I do know this: it’s the best offensive team I’ve ever seen, and they are the most fun team I’ve ever seen, too. And that counts for something, as a sports fan. Sports should be fun. And the Warriors, and especially Steph Curry, make me laugh out loud at least once a game because something Steph did was just so preposterous. During the first quarter of win number 73, Steph’s barrage of 3’s even made my wife laugh.

Watch that, from about 00:18 to 00:44…and realize those were three straight possessions. We’ve never seen anything like him before, and so who cares if the 1996 Bulls might be better than this team? Can’t we just enjoy this?

PAL: YES! I am admittedly a fan of rankings. I like to force people to choose one over the others. I don’t care what the order is; I’m more interested in the why. Why Rubber Soul over (The White Album) is far more interesting than what order they actually fall in for someone. But with this one, TOB’s right – who cares? More importantly, no one knows who’s better, and those arguments are for later anyway. For now, crack a beer and watch and laugh.

Dunk Bounty

I’m not a huge basketball dude, but I bet playing on the 80s Celtics teams with Bird, McHale, Chief, DJ, and Walton was a hell of a good time. Case in point, courtesy of Bill Walton’s exerpt from his book: They had a dunk bounty on Manute Bol. Manute was a 7 feet 7 inches newcomer to the NBA on a terrible Washington Bullets team (can we bring the “Bullets” name back already). The Celtics were in the absolute sweet spot of their run in the 80s. They were so good that they made games within the game (and I’d bet my next paycheck the Warriors of today to the same thing). Well, Bol was a worthy adversary, and the bounty kept rolling over. It got to the point where the game within the game took center stage:

“So one game, after the Manute money pool had grown quite large, Kevin just kept going at Manute regardless of what the game or play called for. Manute was blocking every attempt by Kevin, who remained completely undeterred. Manute might have set a record that night for most shots blocked on an individual opponent in any one game. Later, I came up with a defensive rebound and threw a long outlet pass to Larry, who was all alone at half-court, on the left side. There was nobody between Larry and our goal. But instead of driving in and making an uncontested layup, Larry stops, cradles the ball on his hip with his left arm, and points at Manute, who is still down at his own basket and completely out of the play. Larry is waving frantically for Manute to hurry back on defense so that Larry can go in and try to dunk on him. Manute was clueless to our little game within the game, but he dutifully hustled back, and when Larry came flying in, Manute sent him and the ball back one more time.”

The Chief, Robert Parrish eventually got Bol. Consider it a performance-based incentive. – PAL

TOB: Loved this one. Reminds me of another great story of the 1986 Celtics: They were so good, and Larry Bird was so bored, that he decided one game to only shoot left-handed. And he scored 47 points. It’s probably apocryphal, but that’s ok. Let us live in ignorant bliss.

No, Seriously: You’re a Weirdo, Jim Nantz. Cut it Out.

You just gotta watch this video. Jim Nantz talks about how every year after the college basketball title game he removes his tie and presents it to a senior on the winning team.

He looks so creepy and sounds so self-important while saying it. And, by the way, he didn’t even end the title game with a dumb pun this year! I was super mad at you for not giving me the ammo I needed to make fun of you. And then you gave me this. Bellisima!