Be able to butcher a bovine carcass in under seven minutes using nothing more than a paring knife and a leather belt

Believe in bigfoot, and have two pet chupacabras

Be a certified Master SCUBA diver or above

Have spent a night in jail in a foreign nation, for a crime you or your lover committed

Be proficient as a classical pianist

Have dual citizenship and two valid passports

Be able to bareknuckle box a kangaroo, and hold your own

Have scaled Mount Everest, twice

Have Richard Branson’s cell phone number in your favorites section

Enjoy feeding tiger sharks by hand

Have a doctoral degree in aerospace engineering, neurology, or the like

Know the difference between Afghan and Afghani

Regularly sleep wearing velvet pajamas, top only

Have learned to ride a bike at the Harley Davidson factory

Use Louis XIII as mouthwash after brushing with a wire brush

Possess the libido of Tiger Woods, or equivalent

Have won a Kentucky Derby

Have a minimum of two months’ experience as an adjunct professor at West Point

Sailed the Spanish Main, alone

Regularly substitute milk in cereal with Guinness Stout

Be able to pass a polygraph examination, while under machine gun fire

Have swam with humpback whales and Richard Branson at the same time

Graduated from Basic Underwater Demolition/ SEAL training and be proficient in explosives

Have a strong understanding of quantum physics and time travel

Possess a Lombardi Trophy

Have a concealed/ carry license

Be working on your third marriage with no regrets

Own a certified, pre-owned Lamborghini

Participate in annual office fight club and will not mention said fight club

Have a basic understanding of maintenance required for Soviet nuclear submarines

Fancy himself/herself an artist

Compensation: One winter’s worth of firewood and two month’s rations of Cuban rum, plus commission

All candidates must be able to pass a one-week survival training assessment in the environment of our choosing.

Must have no fear of heights, as our office is located on the 2nd floor.

Should be a Heisman Trophy winner. Cy Young Award recipient is a plus.

CIA, KGB or MI6 experience is desirable.

The ability to speak and write in Mandarin Chinese, Swahili, and English is preferred.

Competency in juggling will be tested with live hand grenades.

***NBC’s Brian Williams must corroborate all of your experience.***

ONLY SERIOUS APPLICANTS IN THE TAMPA BAY AREA SHOULD APPLY!

In all seriousness, this position provides high earning potential for candidates looking to build a career in a fast-paced and exciting industry.

If you meet the above criteria or possess a sense of humor and have a strong desire to pursue a career in sales, email news@judgepr.com to apply.

Please send us your best sales pitch, along with your resume and cover letter, and if you’re selected for an interview, we will be in touch.

Judge Public Relations is a veteran-owned business that provides equal employment opportunities (EEO) to all employees and applicants for employment without regard to race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability or genetics. In addition to federal law requirements, Judge Public Relations complies with applicable state and local laws governing nondiscrimination in employment in every location in which the company has facilities. This policy applies to all terms and conditions of employment, including recruiting, hiring, placement, promotion, termination, layoff, recall, transfer, leaves of absence, compensation and training.

Judge Public Relations expressly prohibits any form of workplace harassment based on race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, age, genetic information, disability, or veteran status. Improper interference with the ability of Judge Public Relations’ employees to perform their job duties may result in discipline up to and including discharge.