Question

What should I do if my co-worker's upset by my pregnancy?

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A co-worker of mine has been trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully for some time now. Recently, another person in the office asked me to stop talking about my pregnancy around this lady because it makes her upset. But this is a happy time for me, and I want to be able to share it with people at work. What should I do?

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I was upset that I was able to get pregnant no problem with my five year old. But in the last two years I miscarried four times. Now I am 15 weeks pregnant and no matter how upset I was that someone else was pregnant. I would still ask them how they feel. I wouldn't show it around that person I would go home and pout about for 30 minutes and realize that pouting wasn't solving the problem. Just remember when your around her don't talk about the pregnancy too much. If she asks then that is a different story.

You can be happy about your pregnancy and still be sensitive to someone who is having difficulty conceiving. You can still share the ups and downs of your pregnancy and your excitement about motherhood with friends and family... just be discreet around your co-worker. I am lucky enough to have been able to conceive my 15 month old son and a second baby that is due in June... but this was only after two incredibly painful years of dealing with infertility. You can truly never understand the torment of dealing with the possibility of NEVER being able to conceive a child until you experience it yourself. I had a friend gripe to me about pregnancy aches and pains during my infertility... I would have given anything to have her pregnancy aches and pains. I was truly happy for my friend but her baby was a constant reminder of something that I wanted more than anything and I couldn't have. People who are able to conceive without any problems or delays often take for granted that conception and a successful pregnancy is a biological miracle, to say the least. Congratulations on your impending motherhood! Savor the experience but do it with out rubbing it in the face of someone who may never know that joy for herself. Imagine how you might feel if the tables were turned... if you might never being able to feel that life growing inside you and experience the thrill of what's to come.

For me, its bit complicated cos the affected colleague is a very close friend and we go home together.She tries to pretend not be so bothered but i see the look of sadness in her eyes whenever i answer her questions excitedly on how pregnancy feels and i feel so bad guilty on this. She's been trying to get pregnant for about 5 years, i just hope she gets hers very soon but until then we've stopped going home together and we are no longer close.

...continued....
So she say...wow...5? I totally understand. I thought whew that went well. She "gets" it. cool!
Uh...no. less than an hour later she was at the DESK NEXT TO MINE with u/s pic in hand. I tried to block it out, I tried to turn my music up I did everything I could to block it out but I couldn't. I finally left the room. When I decided to head back to my desk, I ran into her. I told her this time...you need to let me know when you are going to do that. Give me a heads up so if I feel like I need to leave I can. She played dumb. By the time I got back to my desk I was in a full blown panic attack. My boss was so upset by this time that she was in tears for me. Crazy preggo went to the HR dept to get me in trouble but it backfired and they apologized to me for her making the situation unbearable for me.

I know this is an old post but it's still relevant. I've had 5 m/c the last one was just a few months ago. While I was going through that m/c a gal in our c/s dept found out she was pregnant and IMMEDIATELY sent out a mass email to EVERYONE in the building asking for their address so she could send out invitations. She was ONLY 6 WEEKS PREGNANT.
Every day has been complete torture for me because even though I work in another department on the other side of the building she feels the need to come over 3-5 times a day, or more to stop at almost every desk and have the exact same conversation about her latest news. Great. I am glad the little tyke passed his latest test. Bully for you! But it's a SMALL room you don't need to repeat it 8 times.
Last week she sent a pink and blue paper around so everyone could guess the sex. Seriously?!!?!? Next day she wore the "winning" color and brought in her u/s pics. I asked her to please be conciderate of my feelings she ...continued

I think you should be sympathetic to this woman's plight and not talk about your pregnancy around her. After all, you don't have to talk about it 24 hours a day. You can talk about it with friends & family out of work hours. Or, if the urge strikes you at work, chat to a colleague about your pregnancy when you are out of earshot of this woman. How hard could it be to be sensitive to one woman? Some other posters said this woman will get pregnant one day, but how do you know this for sure and how can you really understand her pain? I think it is selfish to put your "need" to talk about the pregnancy in front of the feelings of this woman, esp. when it wouldn't be hard to find other people with which to talk about it and other places to do it.
Mother of 2-year-old and 11 weeks pregnant

I'm pretty sure her co-worker didn't ask someone to tell her not to talk about it so much the woman who told her was probaly a friend who saw how much it upset her to see someone with something shecant have no matter how hard she tries (so far) its not selfish its natural

While it might not be your problem she's having infertility issues, I think some tact and sensitivity on your part would be in order.
You might consider toning down the baby talk while she's around, just out of kindness for her feelings.

Callie,
Try and save the baby talk for the privacy of your own home with your HUSBAND. There was a time not so long ago, when it was improper to discuss pregnancy at all. It was just referred to as a woman's "delicate condition". While I'm all in favor of progress, I think some women take this a little too far and they think its fine to discuss every little personal issue with every Tom, Dick & Harry around the office watercooler! If somebody asks you how things are progressing, politely say, "My doctor says everything is normal, thanks for asking". There is absolutely no need for you to discuss any other personal details of your pregnancy at work whatsoever! As for the people saying they have co-workers conducting personal phone calls with relatives at work for 30 mins discussing their pregnancies, these people should be reported to their supervisors. That is totally inappropriate behavior imo. Keep the personal information for at home with your dh. The workplace is for work, not sharing personal information.
Discussing pregnancy in front of a sterile woman is just as bad as discussing how much you enjoy sex in front of somebody who has been raped.
It's called using a bit of tact and discretion and having empathy for others.

This other woman has been polite enough to not ask you not to talk about your pregnancy. That would hurt your feelings. Obviously, you discussing your pregnancy has hurt her enough for someone else to speak up on her behalf. Mabye you should return the favor of being polite by now talking about your pregnancy in front of her.

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