14 month old hitting

08-12-2008, 02:39 PM

This is my first time visiting a forum type site. I got this link from the Dr. Sears website. I have a 14 month old son and he started hitting about 3 weeks ago. He usually only hits me (mommy) but just the other day he hit dad for the first time. I really don't have any idea why he hits. Sometimes he is mad cause I told him no about something, sometimes he does it right when he wakes from a nap, sometimes we will be playing together and out of nowhere he punches me in the face. I try saying "no, dont hit that hurts mommy" or "thats not nice, you have to be nice to mommy". So far what I ve been reading is that this is just a phase and as soon as he can communicate better it will go away. That sounds really great for all those people who posted the same question about their 19 mo. old or their 24mo. old. But my son started this at 13 months he wont be able to communicate his emotions for at least 10 to 14 more months from now that is a very long phase I'm in for. Sometimes he really does "hurt mommy" what can i do, I don't know if I can do it for that long.

my son started hitting at 6 mos! but now he's 27 mos. and hitting is now very rare. continuing w/the responses you've mentioned is great. also, try to look for his cues that he's upset BEFORE he hits. this will help you be prepared to distract or calm so that he doesn't hit as much.

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My son went through a hitting stage at around that same age. It lasted a couple of months, then went away, and came back again several months after that. Even though both were "hitting" stages, they seemed different from each other. It's hard to describe, but I think it depended on where he was in terms of his emotional & cognitive development.

I think that, at such a young age as your son, hitting is more playful & experimental than vindictive. (Even though it may hurt sometimes, he really doesn't mean it!) I would just continually prevent & redirect, while saying something very brief about it. "Ouch!", or "No hitting", or "Gentle please!" If it's an incident where you think it may have been an accident, I would probably ignore it--and still redirect just to get his mind on other things.

I think if you...
-don't make a big deal out of it
-try to avoid incident by moving yourself away in time (if you can)
-say something brief and direct (but calm) about it
-quickly redirect
...that it will pass in time. I also liked this article by Patty Wipfler. It's on toddler biting, but you could easily replace every word "bite" with "hit" and it would still be applicable:

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Thank you that article was vey helpful. The more I learn about raising my son the more I feel I don't know. It is overwhelming at times. I came from a home that used dicipline that was more like child abuse. A lot of hitting, welps, bruises, screaming and no real feeling of safety or self-esteem. I vowed at a very young age that i would never do that to my kids. Now that I have a son sometimes (even over little stuff) I find that I have overreacted by yelling. I feel terrible about it. I know in my heart how I want to act but it is so hard to unlearn behaviors. The only thing I can think to do is study and read more and more about the type of parent I am striving to become. If you have any more articles or books that might be helpful please let me know.

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Actually, I do have a good book recommendation...it's called "Becoming the Parent You Want to Be" by Laura Davis and Janis Keyser. I really enjoyed it and found it very encouraging.

Like you, I also am really trying to do things differently than my parents did but find it hard when my "instincts"--that is, the ways in which I was parented--want to kick in. Through AP I am working on developing new instincts, and I'm happy to say, though it does take time & practice, that it does get easier!

it may be hard to believe right now, but yes, this is a phase and it too shall pass!

you've got lots of good advice here already.

let me just reiterate how important it is not to respond emotionally to things our kids do that really drive us crazy. because often they keep doing something just to get the reaction from us, whether it's positive or negative. so stay calm.

also it takes some time to teach toddlers. so just keep telling your son, calmly, that "we don't hit. hitting hurts." this might be better than labelling hitting as "not nice" because sometimes kids simply decide that they don't want to be nice, ykwim?