PRESS RELEASE: HACKER BARBIE
(LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the
"Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of these
dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic,
computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.
This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own X-terminal
and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell" series. The Barbie
clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans.
Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick
enough to set ants on fire. (Pocket protectors and HP calculators optional.)
The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without
blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16 hours straight.
Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such as "What's you're
Internet address?", "I like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your kernel must have gotten
trashed," "Can't you grep that file?", and "DEC's Alpha AXP is awesome!"
"We are very excited about this product," said Ken Olsen, Marketing Executive,
"and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage incurred by the
mathophobic Barbie." (A year ago, Mattel released Barbie dolls that say, "Math
is hard," with a condescending companion Ken.) The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an
incompetent management consultant who frequently asks Barbie for help.
The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie dolls.
Naomi Falodji says, "I believe that these new dolls will finally terminate
the notion that womyn are inherently inferior when it comes to mathematics
and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's hierarchical superiority would
simply reinforce the patriarchy and oppress the masses." Mattel made no comment.
Parents, however, are worried that they will fall behind the children
technologically when the Hacker Barbie comes out. "My daughter Jenny plays
with the prototype Hacker Barbie for two days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of rural
Oxford, Mississippi, "and now she pays my credit card bill online. Got no idea
how she does it, but she surely does it. I just don't wanna be looked upon as
some dumb mama." Mattel will be offering free training courses for those
who purchase the Hacker Barbie.
The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal with the
complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail" will teach computer
ethics to youngsters, while "BARBIE RITES L1KE BIFF!!!" will serve as an
introduction to expository writing.