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IF ...

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

Eccentric? Moi?

In the kitchen we have a large wardrobe, (cupboard), containing mostly pots and pans and other kitchen utensils; which explains its location in our house. A few weeks ago, when everyone was out of the house, I made a big hole in the back of the wardrobe and another in the wall so that I could go into the wardrobe and out into our garden. I put all the pots and pans back in the wardrobe/cupboard and concealed the large hole to the outside. It was like the wardrobe in the book by C S Lewis, "The witch, the lion and the wardrobe". Once you enter the wardrobe you could go into my own garden Narnia.

When the family got home, they complained that it was a bit draughty in the kitchen. There was a distinct wind coming from outside which rattled the cupboard's doors.

My wife ... oh, I never told you did I? My wife and I met on the net. We were both bad trapeze artists. But that's another story.

Anyway, as I was saying before I interrupted my train of thoughts. We used to train for ages high up on the trapeze jumping from one swing to another. We often missed each other because she arrived ten minutes late. So we both fell and met on the net ... as I was saying.

My wife discovered the hole at the back of the wardrobe and let's say she has no sense of humour whatsoever. No sense of adventure either. I explained that by going through the wardrobe she would travel out into a new Narnia world in the garden; walking through sunshine, or mist or rain or whatever the weather outside might be. Her reply will not be posted here to protect readers with a nervous disposition. She could not see why we can't walk through the back door if we wanted to visit the garden in all weathers. But she didn't say it quite this way!!!

She didn't like my next adventure either. I installed at the very end of our garden a chocolate dispensing machine. I bought the machine from a shop that was closing down and they had it on the sidewalk outside. I got it home and installed it just by the pond at the end of the garden and filled it with all kinds of chocolates.

My wife, unhumourous as ever, does not understand my actions. I explained that it gives my walk in my private Narnia a real purpose. What is the point of going out in the garden in all weathers for no reason at all? Now I can enter the wardrobe, go through the hole at the back, and walk gently all the way to the pond and reward myself with a bar of chocolate from the machine. What's wrong with that?

I intend to invite friends and relatives and conduct tours of our garden through the wardrobe. They would all file into the kitchen and one by one enter the wardrobe and walk all the way to the chocolate machine. What fun that would be! I may even have little scenes from Roald Dahl's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" re-enacted in various places in the garden.

Sadly, my wife has brought in re-inforcement in the shape of her mother. She landed on her broom early this morning.

I suggested we also give broom-flying lessons or play quidditch like in the Harry Potter films.

Hi Victor! I have to applaud your carpentry skills in getting a nice hole in the cupboard, and then in your wall. Although I would react the same way as your wife (sorry...) I would come over and play anytime! What fun climbing through the door and out to the backyard for a nice bar of chocolate! Sounds like heaven to me.

Do I think you're eccentric? Um. Well. Maybe? But a LOT of fun :)Blessings,Ceil

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RICHARD THE LION LIVER

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