Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
3839

Gone Fishing....
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
Kid says, "$101,237.64."
Boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'" Gregory N.

Tuesday

Joke
N°
3840

Male ComebacksMan: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there thinks you're slutty.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you'd be on your knees greeting my crotch.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, 'cause after I get done nailing you in the back of my car... I don't give a crap where you go.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: No problem, I can always withdraw onto your face
Man: Do you want to dance?
Woman: No!
Man: I think you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: That works for me... as long as you're still warm when I do you. Nathan R.

Wednesday

Joke
N°
3842

Top 15 Signs You've Been Out Of College Too Long15- Your potted plants stay alive.
14- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
13- 6:00am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
12- You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
10- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up".
9- You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
8- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
7- You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
6- Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
5- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
4- MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
3- A $4 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
2- Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, Diet Pepsi & Ho-Ho's.
1- Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. Yan H.

Thursday

Joke
N°
3841

Selling Life Insurance
Private Jones was assigned to the Army induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said. "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000."
"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
Jesse R.

Friday

Joke
N°
3843

Armageddon
George and James were chatting in a bar.
George said, "What would you do if you heard the world was to end in fifteen minutes?"
"I'd screw anything that moved", said James. "What would you do?"
George said, "I'd stand perfectly still." Jack T.

Saturday

Joke
N°
3844

The Voice
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and kill you."
The man did as he was instructed, and just then, a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?" Sean G.

Sunday

Joke
N°
3846

The Blonde
It was a really hot day and this blonde decided to go buy a can of Coke. She went to the Coke machine and when she put her money in, a can of Coke came out -- so she kept putting money in.
Now since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy in line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!" Freddy C.