Sorry, Sex Addicts: Hypersexuailty Won't Be An Official Psychiatric Diagnosis

Psychiatrists are currently hashing out the new version of their bible, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V). One of the more talked-about proposed additions to the panoply of human psychiatric disorders is "hypersexuality" aka sex addiction. Alas, it looks like being super horny will not classify as a psychiatric disorder this time around.

Originally considered for a full-blown entry in the new manual, hypersexuality has been recently demoted, to a recommended inclusion in the appendix with other "conditions that require further research." Nobody reads the appendix! (Unless you have compulsive appendix-reading disorder, which also is not a real disorder.)

Hypersexuality is a controversial diagnosis. Some psychiatrists argue there's no such thing as too much boning, and it's all a ploy by squares to make us feel bad about getting it on and to sell expensive sex addiction treatments. Others are like, dude, college kids are spending more time self-pleasuring to internet porn than a Bronx Zoo chimp. We must do something, for their roommates' sake at least.

Hypersexuality would require a patient to meet four of the five following criteria over a six-month period, according to the American Psychiatric Association

(1) excessive time is consumed by sexual fantasies and urges, and by planning for and engaging in sexual behavior

(3) repetitively engaging in sexual fantasies, urges, and behavior in response to stressful life events

(4) repetitive but unsuccessful efforts to control or significantly reduce these sexual fantasies, urges, and behavior

(5) repetitively engaging in sexual behavior while disregarding the risk for physical or emotional harm to self or others

If hypersexuality doesn't make the cut, this means bloggers still in the clear to make tasteless jokes at sex addicts' expense, right? Haw haw, go drown your sorrow with life-ruining amounts of porn and prostitutes. Tiger Woods.