Said no Augustan ever.

We’ve all seen them. Those little sayings on Facebook attached to silly drawings that people either love or despise.Posts such as, “I didn’t realize it was Friday,” said no teacher ever.Or, “I’m leaving her. She just wanted me for my video games,” said no man ever.And, how about, “This jewelry makes me look fat,” said no woman ever.Even though it is Thanksgiving and there is a lot Augustans should be thankful for, the Garden City has also had its fair share of challenges over the past few years.What better way to shake off those missteps than to laugh about it? So here are a few dozen sayings that we believe fall into the category of “said no Augustan ever.”Enjoy.

“When I think south Augusta, I think luxury living,” said no Augustan ever.

“Richmond County’s student test scores are the highest in the country,” said no Augustan ever.

“Augusta is the birthplace, the burial place or the hometown of at least 10 Confederate generals. Maybe we should take some of those historical markers down. It may offend someone,” said no Augustan ever.

“The Augusta National loves being located on Washington Road,” said no Augustan ever.

“The strippers in Augusta are sexier than those in Vegas,” said no Augustan ever.

“I can’t wait for Bill Kirby’s summer postcards series in the Chronicle,” said no Augustan ever.

“I wish another hockey team would come to town and then become dormant,” said no Augustan ever.

“Ten commissioners aren’t enough. Augusta should have at least 50 to make sure that every segment of the city is represented,” said no Augustan ever.

“I’m so looking forward to pollen season,” said no Augustan ever.

“The Augusta National won’t mind if I just pull my car down Magnolia Lane for a quick peek,” said no Augustan ever.

“Augusta really looks like the Garden City of the South,” said no Augustan ever.

“I’m sure they’ll do something awesome with Lake Olmstead Stadium now that the GreenJackets are leaving,” said no Augustan ever.

“Did you know that Augusta was twice the capitol of Georgia? We feel like a capitol city,” said no Augustan ever.

“I would have never guessed that The Augusta Chronicle is the South’s oldest newspaper. It seems so open-minded and progressive,” said no Augustan ever.

“It is surprising that the Georgia Republican Party and the Southern Baptist Convention were both started in Augusta,” said no Augustan ever.

“How much is it to pay to park? Just $5? Oh sure, that’s no problem at all,” said no Augustan ever.

“I won’t be posting any pictures of myself on Facebook from my Ironman 70.3 training sessions,” said no Augustan ever.

“City Administrator Fred Russell has the easiest job in town,” said no Augustan ever.

“I’m so glad they are closing down some of the city’s public housing units and moving those residents out to south Augusta. That area needs a boost,” said no Augustan ever.

“What a slate of mayoral candidates for ’14!” said no Augustan ever.

“I think the city should send more prison crews to clean up our parks, especially when children are around,” said no Augustan ever.

“If we could just get some fast food restaurant to come to town,” said no Augustan ever.

“If Columbia County could just spend some money!” said no Augustan ever.

“Since Davidson Fine Arts Magnet School has been ranked as one of the top schools in state, that’s all Augusta needs, right? A few hundred smart kids are better than none,” said no Augustan ever.

“I would never rent out my house and include my Masters badges as part of the package. That would be wrong,” said no Augustan ever.

“Cabela’s, Whole Foods, H&M and a multi-million movie theater. Whoa. Slow down Augusta. That’s too much growth for this town,” said no Augustan ever.

“A radioactive bomb plant and a brand new nuclear power plant…what could go wrong?” said no Augusta ever.

“Let’s bring the Georgia Golf Hall of Fame idea back. It’ll work this time around, for sure. Or should we say ‘fore’ sure,” said no Augustan ever.

“The city should create The Erskine Caldwell ‘Tobacco Road’ Tour. It would do wonders for this area’s image,” said no Augustan ever.

“You can never get enough Darius Rucker,” said no Augustan ever.

“Hey, let’s just park here and walk. It’ll be good for us,” said no Augustan ever.

“A $3 cover charge? Well that’s a pittance! I’d be more than happy to pay that,” said no Augustan ever.

“I really love the architecture along Washington Road in Martinez,” said no Augustan ever.

“You know… I think these portions may be a little too large,” said no Augustan ever.

“I wonder what happens with all the leftover chips at the Mexican restaurants. Surely they don’t send them back out to someone else,”

“A bar on East Boundary? That sounds awesome. I’ll just walk over!”

“Let’s go to the Playground for a hotdog!”

“Nothing feels safer than a Waffle House at 3AM”

Where are all the cops in Columbia County? You never see ‘em.

Inland Services did an amazingly tidy and on-time job picking up my garbage this week

I never can seem to find a title pawn shop when I need one

It sure is great having all these seasoned, long term television reporters around

Where is a damn nail salon?

We’re in the south, right? Then why is there no country music around?

When I grow up I want to work for the Corps of Engineers

I’d like to get a cheap, second rate college education. But there aren’t any institutions around for me.

If Augusta Magazine’s “Best of Augusta” says Augustino’s is the best place for a business lunch then I’m buying it. It’s not like Billy Morris owns Augusta Magazine. And Augustino’s. That place is hoppin’!

“Augusta really supports live music of all genres” – says no Augustan ever

“Augusta is NOT primarily known for Golf on a worldwide scale” – says no Augustan ever

“Historically, First Friday is known for family fun” – says no Augustan ever

Two weeks ago, I published an essay titled, “Bigotry, Cancer, and Sigma Alpha Epsilon.” It was a response to the video that showed members of the University of Oklahoma’s chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon (also known as SAE) engaging in a racist chant. In the essay, I put forward the

About six months ago, local drivers noticed a big change to Magnolia Lane, the beautiful main entrance to Augusta National. All of a sudden, there were these very noticeable waist-high, black posts, otherwise known as bollards, lining the entrance of probably the most famous driveway in all of

The Richmond County Sheriff’s Office is asking the public’s assistance in finding suspects involved in the robbery of the Little Caesars on Tobacco Road. The following is a press release from the sheriff’s office: On 032615 at approximately 1840 hours RCSO Deputies responded

It is the road project no one in Augusta really wants to discuss. Many nearby residents are either too nervous or intimidated to talk about it. Surrounding business owners worry about the repercussions from speaking out. The city is talking about it, but only when citizens specifically ask.

Ever since the Georgia State Patrol disclosed its recent report on the despicable actions of former Augusta Commissioner Donnie Smith towards female employees in his role as lieutenant with the GSP, folks have been coming out of the woodwork with some pretty terrible accusations about Smith.

Priceline.com and TiqIQ break down all the travel and ticket costs After a long, hard winter, who wouldn’t want to smell the Azaleas and freshly-mown grass as they stroll the fairways and watch – in person – the world’s best golfers vie for the coveted green jacket in Augusta. Priceline.com and

Men enjoy sex. I imagine that few people would disagree with that statement. There is nothing wrong with men enjoying sex. It is fun. Nevertheless, an unexpected pregnancy that occurs as a result of a casual sexual encounter can have very severe consequences. Namely, a child growing up in a

By receiving 43 percent of the vote in the District 7 race this past week, Augusta Commission candidate Sean Frantom has caught the attention of a lot of folks in the Garden City. While Frantom still has an uphill battle facing his opponent, appointed Augusta Commissioner Louis “Hap” Harris, in

When the global information technology company Unisys officially announced this week that it will lease the majority of the former Fort Discovery space by the Riverwalk, there was all of the sudden a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. Since 2010, there has been a giant hole in the heart

The word on the street is that Augusta Mayor Hardie Davis is not pleased with members of the local legislative delegation for turning their backs on him this session regarding his request to give the mayor more power. Apparently, he expected some of his former colleagues under the Gold Dome to

St. Patrick’s Day is definitely a strange day for an election. But three candidates in District 7 will be competing this Tuesday for the unexpired term of former Augusta Commissioner Donnie Smith. And, let’s just say, Augustans seem ready and eager to put the whole Donnie Smith fiasco behind

A video surfaced this week that showed members of the University of Oklahoma’s chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon (also known as SAE) engaging in a chant that contained racially offensive lyrics. The lyrics are as follows: “There will never be a nigger SAE, you can hang them from a tree but they

People think they know the story of former state Sen. Charles Walker. Most Augustans remember that summer day back in 2005 when the once highly powerful state senator was found guilty of 127 felony counts of conspiracy, mail fraud and filing false tax returns. At the time, Walker stood silent,

Voters thought it was bad last year when the Georgia State Patrol released a 19-page report that found former Augusta Commissioner Donnie Smith’s conduct during Masters Week was “unbecoming of a Georgia state trooper.” Smith, who had recently retired as a lieutenant from the GSP after more than

Political scientists and commentators, pollsters and candidates all seem to have something to say about young people. Young people oddly and apparently are absent from the round tables and airwaves occupied by those who would call us “the future.” Well “the future” has become aware of the

Augusta Commissioner Bill Lockett is tired of continuing to debate who should be given what power in Augusta. If there is going to be a change to the 1995 consolidation bill, Lockett believes the voters should make the final decision. When the Augusta Commission’s administrative services

What exactly happened to Hardie “I WANT MORE POWER” Davis this week? After standing up and calling for state legislators just two weeks ago to change the city’s 1995 consolidation bill to give the mayor significantly more authority, Davis choked during a simple 5-5 tied vote during last week’s

The Richmond County Sheriff’s Office is searching for unknown suspects who broke out the front glass window of Cabela’s and stole some firearms from the store just before 3 a.m. this morning. Deputies are asking for help from anyone who might have observed a vehicle parked along

At least 10 times a day, Christy Beckham finds herself scanning the Facebook group page Augusta Girlfriend Garage Sale, hunting for that perfect piece of furniture she simply can’t pass up. “It is just so much fun,” Beckham said, laughing at the fact that searching the home furnishing online

There has been a lot of buzz this week about the recent release of former state Sen. Charles Walker’s new autobiography called, From Peanuts to Power: The Road to Wealth, Success and Happiness. While the former senator’s supporters are cheering his every move, many of his critics claim they