all of us are part of a very common demo and psychographic..it's why we are on an enthusiast audio forum. :/ so it's not soo :O ....if only man. and many times i wish i can speak as well as i think. i can plan out argumetns and conversations so well. but when it comes time to actually engage or do it...i bomb so hard.

I have my bro friends easy to talk to. Whatever, but I don't get too close. And then there is the ladies. Most of the time I'm normal, but the moment into the conversation that I realize where I am and what I am doing I start to get self concious. Where should I look, what should I do... Eye contact? Or am I staring too much. Am I not making enough eye contact? This happens about a quarter to a half way in all the time..and then..it won't stop... it's sad. This is also happens with new bro friends but at a much less urgency or whatever....but it still happens all the itme. Teach'ers and what not too. I guess I'm trying to normalize myself to be like eveyrone else. to be the norm..what should i be doing,..am i doing it right?..thoughts like that. i guess

I can't tell you how many times I've found myself in a situation where I have something good to add to a conversation, but hesitated and missed my chance, then fall even further behind in what's happening because I'm still thinking about it.

I can't tell you how many times I've found myself in a situation where I have something good to add to a conversation, but hesitated and missed my chance, then fall even further behind in what's happening because I'm still thinking about it.

And yeah, I know what you mean about the overly self conscious thing.

that doesn't happen to me often. nowadays I don't even engage anymore. I "play it cool" i noticed other poeple do it ( a lot) and is a good way of seeing normal so I usually just sit or join the group but in a non central location like leaning against the table right next to them(sitting with them and what not) and using my phone. usually im on head fi. but really. that's it. but what you said used to be me when i "tried" to stay in and join, waiting for the right chance....now HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO INTERJECT!? i always ask that, how can i cooly and flawlessly interject like EVERYONE ELSE!? Sorry Hyogen but this went into a self improving thread i guess

The old "I'm on my phone" trick, haha. I imagine it's probably a matter of overthinking and an excessive amount of self-consciousness like you mentioned. For whatever reason, you don't trust yourself to make proper observations and choices, so rather than risk doing/saying something potentially awkward or socially unacceptable, you play it safe. That way you stay out of imagined trouble, but of course the downside is that you can never get to where you want to go either.

I can't tell you how many times I've found myself in a situation where I have something good to add to a conversation, but hesitated and missed my chance, then fall even further behind in what's happening because I'm still thinking about it.

And yeah, I know what you mean about the overly self conscious thing.

exactly me my whole life until maybe 5 years ago. Like I described earlier...it's like playing Frogger...! The key that I finally realized is to accept yourself for who you are and are not, stop caring about what people think (of course that's hard to do, but just start by trying to behave like you don't care....start poking fun at yourself for things you are made fun of or may be embarrassed about... Basically, blatantly let people/your friends know about them--this shows them, but more importantly proves to yourself that it's not a weakness and that you're comfortable about it and confident in yourself anyway! When you're able to be revealing of your flaws/weaknesses like that, you'll be surprised at how much more other people will be willing to open themselves up as well.

Like I wrote in my last post, most people appreciate/enjoy self-deprecating humor. Most comedians poke fun at themselves, and usually the only reason people laugh is because can relate/they know the feeling of the same embarrassment. :D

My youtube channel was not only an outlet for me to be heard, but also turned out to be another way I could feel ok about poking fun at myself. My channel name is "the lamentably untalented buffoon"....anyone who wants to troll or say I suck is clearly wasting their energy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bowei006

Quote:

Originally Posted by manveru

I can't tell you how many times I've found myself in a situation where I have something good to add to a conversation, but hesitated and missed my chance, then fall even further behind in what's happening because I'm still thinking about it.

And yeah, I know what you mean about the overly self conscious thing.

that doesn't happen to me often. nowadays I don't even engage anymore. I "play it cool" i noticed other poeple do it ( a lot) and is a good way of seeing normal so I usually just sit or join the group but in a non central location like leaning against the table right next to them(sitting with them and what not) and using my phone. usually im on head fi. but really. that's it. but what you said used to be me when i "tried" to stay in and join, waiting for the right chance....now HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO INTERJECT!? i always ask that, how can i cooly and flawlessly interject like EVERYONE ELSE!? Sorry Hyogen but this went into a self improving thread i guess

no worries man. self improvement is always good :) Your comment about eye contact and stuff--I STILL get self-conscious about eye contact even when talking to a friend...! When talking to other people I have to remind myself that it's OK to "lock eyes" with them. You are, afterall, having a 2 way form of communication with that person. When I remind myself to make eye contact, I usually find that the other person has been looking at my eyes the whole time...haha.

I now define myself as someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. I actually didn't even know this term/description existed until a few years ago. Now, it just defines me--but when I think back, I wasn't this open at all. I have a feeling that both you and bowei are YEARNING to be able to wear your heart on your sleeve! Afterall, most people want to be HEARD, for their opinions to matter, for people to care about their feelings. I will say that now that I speak more and think less, I am not as good of a listener as I maybe once was (which is also a very good character trait) and I sometimes step on peoples' toes if I'm not careful. However, I'd much rather accidentally step on some toes sometimes and apologize than to be constantly kicking myself for having my voice/feelings repressed.

basically i don't show my weakness's like you know. Nobody know's my weakness'es outside my family really. I don't like to open up. How can I. You can't just tell me to and expect me to :(

heart on your sleeve?..i don't know it, never heard of it.

the eye contact thing...sooooo mee. haha. but then when you realize you start thinking on what the heck your next course of action should be, do what they are doing(hopefully they don't notice) or keep doing what you are doing

i wish i can just say stuff...i just wish man..

Sometime's i wonder what went off. Why couldn't I have been like the rest of the people... having knowledge is one thing...but being accepted is very important and as social animals' even more important...

Usually whenever I lock eyes with someone it makes me feel like I'm in a staring contest and I find something else to look at after several seconds, haha.

I feel like I can trace back the causes that led to where I am today to some degree. For example, my father has a very similar personality. I'm sure I learned a lot of behavior from him as a small child, and who knows, maybe part of it's even genetic. The rest of my family are all really nerdy Chinese people, which is actually more awesome than anything in my eyes. And yeah, having knowledge can be encouraging, but it's not always enough to make you get up and do something. It seems to me that experiences are what really change people. Sometimes life needs to give you a kick.

Usually whenever I lock eyes with someone it makes me feel like I'm in a staring contest and I find something else to look at after several seconds, haha.

I feel like I can trace back the causes that led to where I am today to some degree. For example, my father has a very similar personality. I'm sure I learned a lot of behavior from him as a small child, and who knows, maybe part of it's even genetic. The rest of my family are all really nerdy Chinese people, which is actually more awesome than anything in my eyes. And yeah, having knowledge can be encouraging, but it's not always enough to make you get up and do something. It seems to me that experiences are what really change people. Sometimes life needs to give you a kick.

......sooo ...soo many Asians on Head-Fi it's not even funny. Hahah and same to the staring thing as well sometimes. I try to casually look away fully watching them in perephrial vision to see if i'm doing something wrong or if they are "on to me" :)

knowledge and experience is great.....social life and all that other stuff just got traded for it... . those perfect people that can have both Y U NO BE ME!?

Usually whenever I lock eyes with someone it makes me feel like I'm in a staring contest and I find something else to look at after several seconds, haha.

I feel like I can trace back the causes that led to where I am today to some degree. For example, my father has a very similar personality. I'm sure I learned a lot of behavior from him as a small child, and who knows, maybe part of it's even genetic. The rest of my family are all really nerdy Chinese people, which is actually more awesome than anything in my eyes. And yeah, having knowledge can be encouraging, but it's not always enough to make you get up and do something. It seems to me that experiences are what really change people. Sometimes life needs to give you a kick.

......sooo ...soo many Asians on Head-Fi it's not even funny. Hahah and same to the staring thing as well sometimes. I try to casually look away fully watching them in perephrial vision to see if i'm doing something wrong or if they are "on to me" :)

knowledge and experience is great.....social life and all that other stuff just got traded for it... . those perfect people that can have both Y U NO BE ME!?

as perfect as some people may seem to you on the surface, you'd be really surprised at how messed up/miserable they may be. People who seemingly have it all are constantly trying to fill the void just like everyone else. Why do you think celebs commit suicide? By the description of what you're longing to be--you'd think you'd be completely satisfied if you were a popular a-list movie star or singer... Lots of them turn to drugs and trying to find happiness with material possessions. Imagine how hard it would be if you were that rich and famous to have/make REAL friends. If you can be happy about who you are, you're more happy than most anyone around.....in fact, at that point it doesn't even bug you if someone else seems to be happier than you are. Of course, I'm preaching to myself here, as well.