Bypassing and Collapsing vs. Going Through

Listen on:

Life is a continual invitation to step forward into what is next. The compass for that step — the sign that lights the way — is your fear. Life keeps on providing us the opportunity to step deeper into our fear, and in doing so, go through that which we are afraid of. This path through is the crucible that creates leaders.

There are two main paths we take to avoid stepping into our fear, and you can recreate those paths for literally anything in your life you experience a fear to truly step into. Those two paths are: bypassing your fear, or collapsing underneath it.

The realm of bypassing is the realm of avoidance. Here are some of the strategies that fit into this approach: biohacking (maybe I don’t need to ever feel fear), positive affirmations (I am not afraid!), strategies designed to get us what we want in ways that don’t require us to confront our fear, and refusing to feel our fear altogether (bulldozing it).

The realm of collapsing is the realm of defeat and resignation. Defeat and resign don’t always look the way you think they will — they can actually look very empowered, while still being a reflection of the underlying resignation. Collapsing can look like deciding “This is just the way it is” and then making the best you can do with that. It can look like a tacit acceptance that you “just aren’t meant to have X”, whatever X is that you desire. Collapsing can especially look like continually consuming our own fear — effectively feeding ourselves more and more of that which riles up our fear (obsessively checking news streams, worrying about worst case scenarios, etc.)

Collapsing has us stand at the top of the diving board and stop there, researching about correct diving techniques, how dangerous it is to fall into the water, wondering if you should try something different, peering out over the edge, concluding that “you’re just not a diving board kind of person”, and setting vague dates in the future when you will probably maybe consider definitely jumping off this diving board most likely.

Bypassing has us see the diving board and then go and decide to pursue a hobby jogging. It has us actively work to forget about the call of the diving board, and creates stories and fabricated happiness around the alternatives we’ve chosen. It has us spend time creating and finding hacks that let us experience the thrill of diving off the diving board, without the risks — without confronting the fear. And, it has us numbing ourselves out, so that we can make that jump off the diving board, but without experiencing the fullness of what it has to offer us — fear and all.
Life is a continual invitation to step forward into what is next. The compass for that step — the sign that lights the way — is your fear. Life keeps on providing us the opportunity to step deeper into our fear, and in doing so, go through that which we are afraid of. This path through is the crucible that creates leaders.

There are two main paths we take to avoid stepping into our fear, and you can recreate those paths for literally anything in your life you experience a fear to truly step into. Those two paths are: bypassing your fear, or collapsing underneath it.

The realm of bypassing is the realm of avoidance. Here are some of the strategies that fit into this approach: biohacking (maybe I don’t need to ever feel fear), positive affirmations (I am not afraid!), strategies designed to get us what we want in ways that don’t require us to confront our fear, and refusing to feel our fear altogether (bulldozing it).

The realm of collapsing is the realm of defeat and resignation. Defeat and resign don’t always look the way you think they will — they can actually look very empowered, while still being a reflection of the underlying resignation. Collapsing can look like deciding “This is just the way it is” and then making the best you can do with that. It can look like a tacit acceptance that you “just aren’t meant to have X”, whatever X is that you desire. Collapsing can especially look like continually consuming our own fear — effectively feeding ourselves more and more of that which riles up our fear (obsessively checking news streams, worrying about worst case scenarios, etc.)

Collapsing has us stand at the top of the diving board and stop there, researching about correct diving techniques, how dangerous it is to fall into the water, wondering if you should try something different, peering out over the edge, concluding that “you’re just not a diving board kind of person”, and setting vague dates in the future when you will probably maybe consider definitely jumping off this diving board most likely.

Bypassing has us see the diving board and then go and decide to pursue a hobby jogging. It has us actively work to forget about the call of the diving board, and creates stories and fabricated happiness around the alternatives we’ve chosen. It has us spend time creating and finding hacks that let us experience the thrill of diving off the diving board, without the risks — without confronting the fear. And, it has us numbing ourselves out, so that we can make that jump off the diving board, but without experiencing the fullness of what it has to offer us — fear and all.

None of this stuff is wrong or bad — it’s just worth distinguishing it for yourself, so you can get what’s really going on. At least then, you can be conscious about what you’re choosing, and that moves you one step closer to being a leader.

COVID19 has kicked up a great big wave, and a wave this size includes a great deal of fear. But make no mistake — the scale of this particular wave is all that is different between it and everything else you (and I) are afraid of. The gift of this virus is that it is happening at such a level that we cannot ignore it.

Take this opportunity and use it for yourself.

There is a wave here for us to surf upon. Dive into this water with me. Feel the thrill of it coursing through your hair, and feel the adrenaline in your veins are you take the risk of not knowing whether or not you’ll make it through this unchanged.

We all are here to transform. Let us go through, rather than around, under, or away from.
None of this stuff is wrong or bad — it’s just worth distinguishing it for yourself, so you can get what’s really going on. At least then, you can be conscious about what you’re choosing, and that moves you one step closer to being a leader.

COVID19 has kicked up a great big wave, and a wave this size includes a great deal of fear. But make no mistake — the scale of this particular wave is all that is different between it and everything else you (and I) are afraid of. The gift of this virus is that it is happening at such a level that we cannot ignore it.

Take this opportunity and use it for yourself.

There is a wave here for us to surf upon. Dive into this water with me. Feel the thrill of it coursing through your hair, and feel the adrenaline in your veins are you take the risk of not knowing whether or not you’ll make it through this unchanged.

We all are here to transform. Let us go through, rather than around, under, or away from.