I’ve discovered that when you appear able-bodied and have a
service dog with you, you’re going to experience a lot of bizarre behaviour
from strangers. I think we can use these examples as a ‘How not to talk to a
service dog team’ sort of list. Here it goes.

HOW NOT TO TALK TO A SERVICE DOG TEAM

1. DON’T HOLD THEM UP.

Yes, I have a service dog. Yes, he’s interesting. No, I
don’t always have time to talk to you about him. Last week Corben and I got
onto an elevator that a man had just vacated. As the door was closing, I saw
this man turn on his heel and shove his hand into the door to keep it open. As
the emergency system kicked in and the door slid open, he stared at us and
said, “Is that a service dog?” Yes, I said. “Well…can you explain that to me?”
I’m late, I said. “Oh. Oh! Okay…” said the man, and finally let the door shut.
Yes, this really happened. Yes, I’m unimpressed.

2. DON’T ASK WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE HANDLER.

Don't get me wrong, I love talking about dogs and my dog in particular. But if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me, “He’s
your dog? What’s he for?” I’d have
enough money to never worry about the cost of Corben’s training ever again. The
problem with this question is that you are basically asking me, a stranger, to
tell you what my disability is. Sometimes I even get this question from
acquaintances or friends I don’t see often. Most frequently, I’m asked this in
a crowded room with lots of eager ears around. No, I don’t want to explain to
anyone what’s wrong with me.

He doesn't actually do housework.

3. DON’T KEEP ASKING WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE HANDLER.

Okay, we all slip up sometimes. It’s possible not to realize
that a) you’re asking someone to divulge their personal health challenge, and
b) that that’s incredibly rude. But if the conversation goes like this:

STRANGER: What’s the dog for?

ME: Service.

STRANGER: What kind of service?

ME: Medical alert.

STRANGER: What’s that mean?

ME: It means he helps me by alerting me.

STRANGER: Okayyyy, but what’s the problem with you that he’s
watching for?

…you’ve pushed too far. “Medical alert” means, “I have a
medical problem.” Look at it this way: if I came up to you on the street, stood
in front of you, and said, “I have a medical problem.”—without Corben beside
me, just for no good reason, wouldn’t you think I was being socially awkward?
Wouldn’t that seem like an over-share? The presence of a service dog does not
mean you should feel all rules of polite conduct are moot.

3. DON’T ASSUME THE ABLE-BODIED HANDLER IS A TRAINER.

It’s easy for me to hide sometimes behind the assumption that
I’m just a dog trainer. Honestly, many of us with service dogs do let this
assumption ride in some awkward situations. But in some ways, it diminishes
what Corben and I are to each other. It also daily reminds me that I look healthy, so the fact that I’m daily
struggling with a serious medical problem is invisible and therefor, not acknowledged. Anyone who’ suffered
through a non-visible health problem can relate to this. It’s like visiting
your aunt and having her repeatedly offer you ice cream even though she knows you’re lactose intolerant but just
never remembers. In a way, the refusal of people to consider I may have a
disability makes me feel even more invisible.

4. DON’T PET THE DAMNED DOG.

No, you can’t pet him. See how small his brain cavity is?
The smartest dogs in the world have only the reasoning capacity of a 12
year-old. If I came to your 12 year-old’s math class and started petting her
while she was doing an exam, don’t you think she’d make more mistakes than
usual? Every time we’re out together, Corben is performing his own version of a
math exam. Every time you try to pet him, you mess up his concentration. Yes,
it’s cute when he breaks stride and wriggles to be patted. No, you’re not
giving him a pleasant break in his day. You are essentially giving pixie sticks
to that aforementioned 12 year-old and then leaving me to get him focused back
on his math test.

5. DON’T POINT HIM OUT TO YOUR TODDLERS.

If you petting him is like a pixie stick, a toddler barking
at my dog—yes, they bark at him—is
you giving Corben a litre of Red Bull. All concentration is lost, and any work
I need him doing isn’t going to happen. I don’t run up and pet your toddlers;
please keep your kids off of my
toddler.

6. DON’T FORGET TO EDUCATE YOUR STAFF.

Ottawa is pretty good about not giving us a hard time.
However, I went out for dinner with a friend a couple weeks ago, and a young
waiter informed us that dogs weren’t allowed in the restaurant. After I pointed
out his vest and told him we had our papers in my bag, he put his hands on his
hips, cocked his head and said, “Yeah right. What’s wrong with you that you
need a dog?” I don’t have to explain this and I’m not going to. Shop owners, be
sure that even your youngest staff understand that it’s a human rights
violation to kick me out of a store for having a dog, and it’s also wrong to
demand to know what my health problem is.

7. DON’T EVER ASSUME WE’RE FAKING IT.

At Ottawa Comiccon this year, I managed to attend 2 out of 3
days. This is in huge crowds with poor air circulation and a lot of noise. I
was able to do this because I had Corben. At one point while I was looking at a
vendor table, my friend heard a man mutter something about, “strapping a vest
on his dog, too, just to bring him to
the con”. MJ rocks, so she turned to him and said, “Yeah, maybe that would be
fun, except this is a real service dog.”
You’ll occasionally hear horror stories of people faking service dogs, but I
haven’t seen it happen around here, and when you look at Corben’s behaviour,
you’d have to be an idiot not to see just how heavily trained he is.

8. DON’T CALL IT A PRIVILEGE.

After I answer all the questions people throw at me about my
dog, their curiosity sated, I will often get a comment like, “Well how nice for you that you get to take your
dog everywhere! Well I sure wish I could take my dog with me everywhere!” Listen to what you’re saying, people.
You’re telling me I’m privileged because I have a disability where my best tool
for normal daily living is having to raise, train, and cart a dog around with
me everywhere I go. Yes, he’s cute and fuzzy. No, in many ways he does not make
life easier. When I leave the house, I have to be aware of all his needs plus
my own. I have to look for ways to traverse a mall without the use of an
escalator. I have to choose seating in restaurants based on where my dog’s fat
butt won’t get tripped on. I have to get special dispensation to take him on a
plane. But yes, he is lovely and he does make my days a hundred times better.
So I think it’s bogus to suggest that having a service dog is a lucky
privilege; I think it’s more of a karmic balancing. I have to live with this
shitty disability for the rest of my life, but the trade-off is that I get to
have a sweet-faced companion come along with me.

9. DON’T ASSUME THE DOG IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS.

I had a job interview this spring. I got to the second round
before I mentioned Corben, who I’d purposely left at home for the first round.
When I mentioned him, the interviewer started asking if I was really sure I
could do the job, if (and I paraphrase here) I was so effed up that I needed a
service dog. I pointed to my resume and said, “Everything you see on here that
you like, I did with my disability
present. The dog doesn’t make me less capable. He makes me more capable. I
accomplished much of these things without him; imagine how much more I’ll do
now that he’s with me.” She didn’t bite. She couldn’t shake her bias. The
reality is, having a service dog means that people are daily reminded of my otherwise
invisible disability. But instead of looking at Corben as a reminder of how I’m
broken, try looking at him as a reminder of how I’ve soldered myself back
together. He’s not a weakness; he’s a weapon against failure.

10. DON’T OVERTHINK IT.

It’s a dog, folks. You see dozens everyday walking around
your neighbourhood. I don’t get what all the fuss is about. When you put all
the attention on my dog, you make me feel like all the qualities I possess as a
person are secondary…that my companion is all that defines me. Just relax and ignore
him. It’s what he wants, anyway. Stop staring at the dog and get back to making
eye contact with me. I’m here and better than ever.

Back in the day. I can't believe he's grown up so much.

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6 comments:

Thanks for this post, I'm sure it will be shared a lot. So many folks don't understand the many ways that service animals can help people in so many different circumstances. Education about that, as well as invisible disabilities in general is really important and I love how you've expressed yourself. Good luck to both of you with your continued training!

It's different for every team, Anonymous. It totally depends on the needs of the individual. Service dogs can be trained to do everything from bringing someone their water or meds, to detecting the start of a medical incident, to making space in a crowded room, to seeking out a specific human in an emergency. Pretty amazing canine heroes!

It was great to read your posts about what to do when you come across a service dog team. I too have a small service dog and I have run up against all of your points and then some. One great experience I have had though was at a Metro grocery store in my neighbourhood. Apparently a customer had ratted me out, lol, to the manager - that I had a dog in the store and so the manager approached me but instead of saying 'no dogs in the store' - ASSUMING a negative comment and result not to mention a bad feeling for me, the manager said 'is he a service dog?' She gave me the benefit of the doubt and then apologized for stopping us and went on her way. I thought it was such a positive approach.

I hope alot of people read this article though because we sometimes are up against very uncomfortable situations as you describe here and on top of medical issues we already deal with that's something we can do without.

Interesting that you are training the dog yourself. Typically therapy dogs are trained, then placed with a user. I can see why people are curious and ask questions. Having puppy walked guide dog puppies in training, I completely understand, however part of our jobs as volunteers, trainers and users of trained dogs is the education role. Time is precious, but unless people are educatec, then the ignorance continues to perpetuate itself.