Picking my battles… the nuance of conflict

After some of the questions I have been wrestling through for Sunday night, and many of the conversations I have been having, the subject of conflict, disagreement, and how we stay in community together. Greg and I have been having a conversation in the comments here, and I think it makes for an important post.

There are not two sides to the conflict issue. It seems so often that a person is either confrontational or non-confrontational (passive aggressive). I propose that in my case, conflict | disagreement | differences are handle by means of “relational prioritization.” Or perhaps I could say, common sense, empathetic response, or maintaining the mystery and wonder of the complexities of perception and experience. It really pays to check the comments that Greg and I have left in order to get what I am saying…. And I definitely don’t expect people to agree or understand what I mean. Here is my top ten for my own nuances of conflict and disagreement.

People have different perceptions of how things happen in life. This is ok and I cannot control it.

Someone else’s perception (or experience) does not have to hurt me, offend me, or make me stop loving them.

Not everyone thinks this, so I must be careful about what I say so as to keep a conversation going.

It does not make sense for me to carelessly say everything I think all the time… because of the previous statement.

Asking questions often allows for the other to consider my idea without actually saying that it is my idea or position…

Asking questions also allows space in the conversation that I am not filling with my own defense, main-points, sub-points, rabbit trails, aggressive position, and all other things that usually make the other feel like I know more than he/she

If someone wants to know more, they will ask the question. But again I defer to #4

Paying attention to the other person allows me to know whether it makes sense to fight this battle or how far to go with my own thoughts on the subject.

I repeat, I am allowed to pick my battles

At the very core, I care more for this person than his/her arguments… no matter what, I am committed to continuing on with this person, sticking together, journeying, loving, accepting, and growing.