A) just like everyone else. No one wears those stupid Greek letters. This is #63 America.
B) assumed to be a complete fucking loser. Go Greek or go the fuck away geed... To like, NYU or something
C) a normal person. No one judges you either way.

2. My school is located: (circle all that apply)

A) in a city
B) in the middle of bumblefuck
C) in Europe
D) in a coastal state, or in Chicago
E) in a landlocked state
F) in Canada
G) in the South

3. My school is:

A) in the Ivy League
B) Duke, UCLA, USC, Emory, Stanford, UMiami, Tulane, BU, GW, those types
C) the main campus of Indiana, Wisconsin, Michigan, Arizona, Ohio State, Penn State
D) a small liberal arts school in a coastal state, or NYU
E) a small liberal arts school in a landlocked state
F) in a big sports conference. Do I know which one? No fucking way.
G) MIT, CalTech, University of Chicago those types
H) other

4. On Saturdays during the day we typically:

A) tailgate
B) go to the library
C) day drink unrelated to sports
D) volunteer at hospitals and shelters, or attend plays or political campus rallies or other weird events you should be embarrassed to attend
E) sit around recovering from hangover, filling day with nothing in particular, lots of free time to #77 shop and drink #54 iced coffee

5. My tuition costs:

A) over $40,000 a year
B) under $40,000 a year
C) it's free. I'm in the army!

6. Which of the following best describes the legacy situation at your school?

A) What's a legacy?
B) A few of my friends have parents who went here. Does that count?
C) My bestie got a 500 on her verbal SATs. Shes at Penn now! What a smartie!
D) Idk, what does it mean when they put your last name on a building?
E) Um...I'm pretty sure my dad owns you.

A) at a bank or a consulting firm
B) as a lawyer or doctor when they finally get that stupid fucking degree. Good thing his parents are rich or idk how he'd afford a ring AND med school!
C) as a farmer, writer, or union organizer or some other low paying shit possibly involving manual labor or creativity sitting around
D) for the government or in public service
E) in any profession that you could see Ari Gold doing
F) their post grad plans include being barred out and smoking pot

0-15 points - Nice Girl University: A grad of this school will have a nice job as a schoolteacher or a social worker. She'll have a #33 nice guy husband and a nice ring, the small size of which won't matter because that's not what's important. Beauty is on the inside! A place where there's Friday night poetry readings is a place where betchiness goes to die.

15-35 points - Wild Card University: You could be betchy in this school but you could also not be. (who would've thought?) You may be a betch but name dropping your school isn't helping your betchy image.

35+ points - School of Betch: A nice guy would last 2 seconds at your school. Your school is filled with so many douchebags and betches that you can't turn around without seeing a lax pinnie or a keg stand. The only 'political' protests that students rally for is the petition against the bar on College Ave closing down.

If you're gonna complain about your results we never claimed to be unbiased or know everyone at every fucking school, although we're sure they know us. Send your emails calling us out to iloveme.confessions@gmail.com and the funniest/best/betchiest submission(s) will be published.

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It is absolutely LAUGHABLE (not to mention insulting) that you would include UMiami, Tulane, BU, and GW along with Duke, Stanford, UCLA, etc. They are nothing but party schools where rich, stupid private schoolers go to get fucked up–oh and maybe a degree after 6 years. It seems like you were going for the “rich, smart kid” types of schools. The only way you could possibly think so highly of schools like UMiami, Tulane, and GW were if you actually went there. SO…

theres no way in HELL you can pick berkeley over USC in terms of betchiness. berkeley is, number one, a school full of hippie liberals and asians studying in the library, which an occasional betch here and there.

USC on the other hand is not only smart kids, but RICH AS FUCK smart kids who party harder than every single betch at berkeley combined. literally if you’re not in the greek system you might as well go kill yourself,

BU and GWU are the two betchiest schools on the east coast moron. um hello rich private schoolers that party are the best betches, and you are obviously poor and went to public school and that’s why you can’t relate. Btw…have you never seen Legally Blonde? Vanderbilt is full of fugly lame girls with bad teeth…and you call yourself a betch….

It seems like very few people go to school just to get the damn diploma and don’t get sentimental about the partying or studying. Pay for it in cash or don’t go, and collect you 15-20% salary increases.

Having an entire town to yourself is betchy because you literally only encounter fellow betches and bros. going to school amidst minorities and poor people is not betchy. Not to mention scary… I know a girl who went to fashion school in NYC and some man was murdered with a hammer on her street. No.

Not that I actually really care I’m just bored on the bus (I don’t want to hear it, I like to spend my money on clothes and vodka not cabs so talk shit if you’re so inclined, your college is obvi not in a city and therefor sucks) but about #1, I’m so over hearing about sororities as if they matter. The betchiest of betches don’t require being associated with a bunch of annoying girls in order to dominate the social hierarchy. It just fucking happens because they themselves are betches. It’s not even up for discussion anymore.

#4 needs to be edited because unless you want to be some flabby nice girl, saturday mornings consist of burning off last nights vodka. Yoga, pilates, tennis whatever but unless you plan on accumulating a cellulite collection get your ass to the gym on saturday.

And in regards to #8, the bros are completely irrelevant. No self respecting betch would ever even glance in the general direction of a BRO. Pros only. Please and thank you.

the university of arizona is so betchy we knew what category we’d fall into, and therefore, didn’t take the quiz. sorry about your lame collegiate experience, we’ll be tanning by the pool if you need us. kisses.

Your number three is totally, umm, wrong. You can’t honestly group Stanford, BU, and USC into the same group as Tulane, UNC, and UMiami. Stanford accepts like 20 percent of applicants, USC 30%, BU, about 35%. Get your facts straight little lady; don’t google shit like “best schools.” Just because there’s a D1 football team doesn’t really mean it’s a good school (which being a betch or not, being hot and SMART is the betchiest thing ever). Considering NYU a small liberal arts school is kinda, umm, wrong too. Kisses!

Well then thank you guys for verifying my point on saying they are grouped wrong! What are you even arguing with me for? Okay, I bullshitted some stats, bite me. My point was CLEARLY saying all those schools are grouped wrong. Okay, then BU should not be grouped in there with Tulane based on what you guys are saying. Reading and understanding what the words say must be hard for you. You all sound stupid, especially using the word moron.

ummm I’m pretty sure that the whole “Duke, UCLA, USC, Emory, Stanford, UMiami, Tulane, BU, GW, those types” was referring to the general ambiance of campus life and not to the matriculation process/acceptance stats/who cares. If you look at the schools they’re referring to, they have gorgeous campuses, are in great cities, have amazing nightlife, or are big name schools in football etc.

Oh and newsflash “BetchWithABrain”, I’m pretty sure that when it said “those types”, schools like Georgetown (which is like 20 ft from GW), Vanderbilt and UCitsallthesameifyoudidntgothere are what they’re referring to even though they are explicitly mentioned. Maybe you should focus more on being a BetchWithGoodSense.

you are severely mistaken…everyone wants to be a NYC betch - and even the betchiest at those schools in the middle of bumblefuck who party for 4 years in the same old and dirty frat houses cant wait for the mass exodus with their besties to mecca manhattan. NYU betches are either just that more fortunate or that more betchy they get at it first.

You’re so ridiculously skewed I feel embarrassed for you. UMiami is now the #38 school in the nation, actually does produce reputable and important alumni that do something with their lives, and has a competitive and respectable academic curriculum…and not just rich private schoolers go there you dumb betch. Stop judging shit you don’t know about. It’s a really amazing school where not only are people smart and beautiful, but motivated and legit. And they party where your betch ass wishes she could, all year round. Sun and amazing clubs and the best of everything the jet set life could offer.

Before you start hating, I grew up in Miami my whole life…my best friends went to UMiami, but I went to Georgetown and I absolutely love my HOYAS till the end. But I also know my hometown school and I’m proud.

Just pisses me off when people hate on my home, more so on THE U. Check yourself.

Is that why UMiami got ranked #38 this year? If you went to Duke, Stanford or UCLA, go ahead - keep your huge nose up in the air, you’ll be able to smell the rubber burning off the tires of my beamer better that way as i speed away from you down to the Gables. You can let me know if you need the number of my plastic surgeon to get it reduced in size. Just because we were able to #tan while studying doesn’t mean we’re not as smart as you. It actually makes UM the betchiest school bc we had it all. Don’t be jealous #ugly.

Where does Vanderbiltfit in on the school groupings? I’d say it’s the betchiest of the top 20… Ranked #1 Greek life in the country this year, a top party school according to playboy, and ranked A+ for girls. Some of the geeks aren’t betchy but hey they make our diplomas worth more. True smart betches that love partying/having the time of their lives go to Vandy.

And to whoever said Vanderbilt girls are fugly: you need a reality check. You’ll never see anywhere near the number of pretty betches at any top 50 school then youd see in an hour at Vandy.

Obvs sororities are for losers who are nerv they won’t be able to make friends on their own without joining school clubs. There’s no difference between living in a sorority and an orphanage. Sharing bedrooms and bathrooms with like a million other girls. You might as well be showering at the YMCA. Ew. Not betchy.

Ew. Your friend is obvs poor and lived in the ghetto. It’s called get a condo with a doorman and security because a true betch knows she is valuable and deserves bodyguards. And whyy would anyone want to be surrounded only by college bros in farmville? City = ahhmazing nightlife and rich guys who already have amazing jobs or don’t even need college because hellloo trustfund. You’re obvs just jelly because people at state schools live like poor people and think drinking crappy beer in the same frat house every single week is exciting. They don’t even have decent shopping, they share each others clothes and always look the same. Not betchy.

Aww you were one of those girls who didn’t get in to a sorority aren’t you? Poor thing! Was it because you weren’t pretty enough? Or because you were too poor? Or because you don’t dress well? Or just because no one liked you?

Girls don’t join sororities because they are nervous they won’t be able to make friends on their own. They join because they are looking for friends as equally cool and betchy as they are. And then to meet pros and rich bros and to blackout and just generally party through college. Then you can use your connections to get a job anyway. Who wouldn’t want that?

And living in a sorority house is not like living in an orphanage. It’s living with the coolest betches you know and having a great fucking time all the time.

And to address your final comment, sorority betches are cleaner than GDIs. It’s a fact. Our showers are clean just like us and there are probably more expensive body products there then you would ever find in a GDI dorm.

So sorry you didn’t get chosen to be one of the lucky ones! I’m going to wear my pin on my wedding day and all my sorority betches will be with me too

Tulane is only that low on the rankings list because of the drop out rate is so high because of some people can’t handle living in New Orleans. Everyone comes to Mardi Gras and remarks on how sweet it is that bars stay open as long as they want, you can drink anywhere you damn well please, and all the bars serve under age. Thats true all the time so only the betchiest can survive. Dropping the dropout rate from the equation would bring Tulane into the top 20 easily.