Archive For April 25, 2014

I realize this is awkward for everyone involved, especially since I’m poly and morally against cheating but I have some things to say; Your husband/boyfriend/lover/whatever saw me, I don’t know if he told you but I’m sorry if he didn’t. It’s not my intention to steal him from you, to ruin your relationship, to hurt you, to hurt him or otherwise cause you harm. Honestly, it’s kind of up to him if he’s going to cheat but I understand if you hate me for it and I respect that; You have a right to be angry. I hope that my words can bring you some comfort.

As I said before, I have no wish to cause any harm to your life or the life of your partner. In fact, I consider it part of my job to make sure that he gets out unscathed emotionally, physically, psychologically, socially and in any other way I can think of. In my mind, I’m a safe outlet for his desires; With me he can explore the depths of his mind and still come back to you and your children (if you have them.) When he sees me he doesn’t have to worry about how it will affect his long-term relationship with you or whether his boss will find out, he just gets to explore and then go back to his every day life as if nothing had happened. Believe me, it’s in my best interest to make sure he leaves in the same condition in which he arrived. This means I will be everything in my power to not give him any sort of disease or infection (I did not fuck your partner and everything he touched was sanitized before and after), nor any permanent marks.

I know it’s hard to wrap your head around the idea that he might seek someone for depraved activities and it might seem unnatural but everyone has dark desires some where in their head and neglecting/avoiding them isn’t healthy. Really, seeing me is probably the best option; He’s not emotionally involved with me, I’m not going to tell other people about him, I’m going to make sure he’s safe and I respect your relationship. I hope you can understand that once you get past the anger.

I guess what I’m saying here is that when your husband/boyfriend/lover/partner/dad/son/brother enters my dungeon, I am pledging to keep him safe and to make sure his life stays intact after he leaves my space.

Over the last few years, several people have told me that I should write a book and I’ve often entertained the idea but I haven’t really committed to it until now. I guess the hard part for me has been figuring out what story I want to tell but I some how managed to nail that down in one sentence that I wrote in a text to my partner when I was really upset about feeling like I couldn’t do something. In that, I found that I do have a story rolling around inside my head and it feels like it would be therapeutic to share it with the world. That being said, I’ll be surprised if I get it finished any time soon and I’ll be even more surprised if I ever really get it published and that’s okay.

Here is the opening, completely unedited.

There is a strange kind of power that comes with putting on the right pair of boots. For me, it meant that I could take on the world; No challenge was too great, no obstacle was too difficult, nothing was impossible in the right pair of boots. It seems like every challenge I’ve faced was either because I forgot the power of the boots or because I started to doubt my own abilities, both of which could have been easily solved by putting on my damn boots. I mean this both literally and figuratively.

The first time I tasted power, I was probably about four years old and I remember that moment very clearly. I had heard a scream and I rushed down the stairs to my basement wherein I found my father dragging my dazed mother across the ground by her ankles into his office. My mother shouted at me to get help and my father looked up with a sneer on his face. Then our eyes met and that look of triumph and sadistic glee melted into a cold look of shame, guilt and then pure terror. It was like he had finally been beaten at his own game and very soon the power dynamic was to shift; The hunter became the hunted. He froze and then he bolted, forever leaving the impression on me that all you had to do to completely alter a hopeless situation was to shift the power dynamic when given the opportunity.