Perth. Just like a fish out of water, India’s swashbuckling southpaw, Shikhar Dhawan, is found stumbling on fast, bouncy pitches in the recent tours of England and Australia. Dhawan turned out to be a home turf bully who ruthlessly smashes mind-boggling centuries at home, But in seaming overseas’ conditions his technique is all at sea. With cricket’s biggest extravaganza just a month away, India’s team management is facing a race against time to improve his technique.

Practicing the moves.

“To hell with his scores,” shouted, the team director, Ravi Shashtri, in 150 decibels voice. “We don’t care as long as Shikhar plays with the right attitude. He twirls his mustache and plays aggressive, in-your-face brand of cricket. He is the torch-bearer of the virtues I once possessed in my playing days. Mark my words, he will make India a bullet side even before Bullet trains arrive in India.” Ravi Shashri clearly has his money on the Delhi Dasher who is struggling to put bat on ball. Other members of the team management, however, fail to echo his sentiments.

When asked about Dhawan’s form, Indian skipper, Dhoni said, “At this unfortunate hour, selector’s decision to include Shikhar in the world cup squad seemed to have backfired. But as I said on previous 2 Lakh, 96 thousand, One hundred and Thirty Five occasions, ‘Process is more important than result’. We’ll concentrate on the things we can control. Let the result take care of itself.”

Dhoni scratched his grey hair and cut a sorry figure. He resumed, “Dhawan is under a constant guidance of Yoga guru Baba Ramdev for meditation, he has been given excessive amount of Boost to rejuvenate his energy, special screenings of Rajnikanth movies have been arranged for him to make him believe, nothing is impossible, Sona Chandi Chyawanprash and Revital are given to him on a daily basis. Nothing seem to be working so far.”

The morale of the team is as low as the Challenger’s Deep of Mariana Trench. Indian team management, in unison with BCCI, have come up with #BailOutDhawan Twitter campaign. Thousands of well-wishers posted innovative suggestions to help Dhawan improve his technique in record time. An idea can come from anywhere, today it came from a low profile twitter handle who wishes to remain anonymous. Dhawan is set to learn Michael Jackson body moves to counter hostile fast bowling.

A statement from BCCI read, “Michael Jackson was one of the best performer of all time. Dhawan can learn a lot from his subtle movements. He is an aggressive player with good front foot position. It is his back foot defense technique which is under scrutiny. If he can learn ‘Moonwalk’, he can easily stay away from Mitchell Johnson out-swingers. Having the ‘Anti gravity’ technique in his armory can help him prevail over Morne Morkel bouncers. And the ‘Signature kick’ can prove vital against Malinga yorkers.”