Yes, so insensitive, beating under when already down by an attack rather than understanding. If only one would keep in mind how one little remark or smile might mean so much to another by raising them rather than crushing them .

I wanted to add, it’s not just ‘family of origin’ but in every aspect of my existence there are people who lack the character or understanding to act in ways that do not trigger me, putting their own needs first. And that’s what we all need to do, put our own needs first.
But I have been invalidated so long that I have learned the opposite of that. This helps reinforce my blossoming view that my needs do count, they are not silly or over blown. I need to keep respecting my own body, emotions, feelings and needs. And this helps so much as I continue to learn to do that.

I need to remember also that my needs do count. Thank you for reminding me. Sometimes, the only place you will hear this is in the therapist’s office unfortunately. People can be so insensitive and then go on the attack when you point this out — no matter how gently. Thanks for writing in. 🙂

Wow. I needed to hear this to reinforce my own advocacy for myself after so many years of invalidation from so called ‘family. All would rather put me down insidiously rather than support me, or the truth, because the truth makes them look bad. The truth opens up a Pandora’s box of childhood sexual abuse, not a topic people talk about. And not a topic one wants to admit went on in their own family. Kill off the victim instead, insidiously, slowly, quietly.
This is so perfectly written and in a way I’ve never seen or heard before. So exactly right on. Thank you so much.

It’s unfortunate that we are our only advocate at times besides our therapist. But that is the nature of a dysfunctional family. They would rather live in lies than in truth, thereby abusing you again. It is sad to think that not one of them has the courage to take your hand. I am glad this repost from Gentle Kindness was helpful.