David Cameron today ordered the deployment of Nimrod aircraft from Kinloss to RAF Akrotiri to monitor developments on the ground in Libya.

Meanwhile HMS Cumberland was renamed HMS Useless by royal proclamation & ordered to stand well back in international waters. This will provide moral support to our lads stuck out in the desert plundering oil for the folks back home who are now surrounded by Apache indians waving AK47`s

Ark Royal has been redeployed from the gulf with her Harrier force & is steaming to the scene where she will meet up with the Atlantic Conveyor bringing Chinook & Puma helicopters to mount a rescue shuttle out to Ark Royal.

William Hague has phoned BA meantime to book seats for everyone on the next scheduled flight out, due once things have calmed down a bit.

Downing Street placed a call to Bob the builder at the MOD & asked if he could fix it, but no he can`t !

15 years ago we could have had a naval task force in the area quite quickly to remove British passport holders from ports and the RAF could have plucked them from airfields and even from the desert in transport aircraft flying in from Gib and Cyprus. Now, we may scrape some peace meal operation from whatever isn't on ops or scrapped. In 10-15 years time, that sort of mission would probably be beyond our capability.

Elsewhere, the UN's Special Envoy to the Middle East defended allegations that he had no idea what was happening on his watch...

In a written statement, Tony Blair stated "I did not know, and could not have known, that the recent unrest in the Middle East and North Africa was about to kick off so dramatically. My remit for the UN specifically states that I should travel to those regions only very occasionally. The rules and procedures governing my appointment do not specifically state that that I have to submit any kind of reports on the political situation, which I took as meaning that the occasional photo-opportunity would suffice. Besides which my time has been taken up for the last year in answering impertinent questions about a place called Iraq, where I have never to my knowledge been to or even had pointed out on a map. I do not recall meeting Colonel Gaddaffi and frankly anyone looking at those pictures will realise they were photo-shopped by my son Ewen as a bit of a laugh when he was a student. I find the whole conjecture that I'm continuing to sponge off the tax-payer absolutely ridiculous, it's laughable frankly. Cherie and I have frequently commented on how funny it is while counting the cheques in our lovely Bermudan villa...."

I believed the headline too, but wondered what Nimrods would actually do.

Hague is reported to have 'ordered' HMS Cumberland (soon to be scrapped) to the seas off Libya. Now I know I am ancient old fool with an old fool's bus pass but I thought the Defence Secretary, through the Admiralty, would have done the 'ordering'.

I know this 'Limp/Dim' led coalition - quasi prime minister in the Mandelson role: Vince 'Hindsight' Cable - the Arch Clown of politics - is as least as bad as the failed oaf Brown's administration; but the gold-plated, diamond encrusted stupidity of their Defence 'policy' makes some of the failed oaf Brown's antics look almost sensible!

What a shambles! What a running goat-****! Anyone know how to apply for North Korean, Zimbabwean or Libyan nationality?

I believed the headline too, but wondered what Nimrods would actually do.

Hague is reported to have 'ordered' HMS Cumberland (soon to be scrapped) to the seas off Libya. Now I know I am ancient old fool with an old fool's bus pass but I thought the Defence Secretary, through the Admiralty, would have done the 'ordering'.

I know this 'Limp/Dim' led coalition - quasi prime minister in the Mandelson role: Vince 'Hindsight' Cable - the Arch Clown of politics - is as least as bad as the failed oaf Brown's administration; but the gold-plated, diamond encrusted stupidity of their Defence 'policy' makes some of the failed oaf Brown's antics look almost sensible!

What a shambles! What a running goat-****! Anyone know how to apply for North Korean, Zimbabwean or Libyan nationality?

Click to expand...

It's the "Cuts" don't you see? Now that we don't really have any effective Armed Forces, we don't really need a 'Defence Secretary' so the government just use whoever is handy and closest to a TV camera/mike.