Ministrado por

Pat Pattison

Professor

Transcrição

Note that in the first couple of lines, I hear you out there crying begging let me in. I've used language that appeals somewhat to the senses. I hear you crying. and the notion of begging, is a tone of voice. it might even be kneeling. So that, what happens is that sense bound language, as it always does. Stimulates your listener's senses. Asks your listener. To start rolling the film in their own movie, so that I hear you out there crying, begging let me in. Although it's fairly open ended, is going to stimulate, at least I hope it will stimulate, a listener's imagination. And once a listener starts rolling that movie inside their head, drawn from the well of their own experiences, then they are putting their stuff into your words. Therefore, they're in your song. The song is about them. The song is full of their stuff. And so they relate. It gives them emotional access to your ideas, but rolling their own film. And that's the whole point really, isn't it, of creating a context in your song where you invite the listener in. That it's not simply about me. There was night, there was a time when I thought that things would be OK. And starting with abstract languages then it becomes about me. When I say, I hear you out there crying, begging, let me in, and you start rolling your movie, then it's about you. So that, inviting your listener in with language based on the senses Is a very important thing to do. I want to refer you, of course, to chapter one of Writing Better Lyrics, and also to Songwriting without Boundaries for 14 day challenges based on sense-bound language and metaphor. That will give you a lot of practice, a lot of exercise in writing sense-bound language and therefore covering that gap between what you feel and what you want your audience to feel, creating, as it were, in the words of TS Eliot, an object that correlates my feeling with yours. Eliot called it an objective correlative, an object that correlates my feeling with yours. That's the sense-bound writing and certainly seeing one thing as though it were another. Which is this whole beautiful place of metaphor. I encourage you to do as much work as you can there. I started the second verse [SOUND] with 2 lines that sort of had been around for the entire developing of the boxes. I wonder where you're going? I wonder where you've been. And so now starting, by the way, with those fairly abstract head words, note that we're still sense bound, that is to say that the. Sense bound language in the first verse acts as a bag of dye, dripping it's colors down and coloring all of the abstract language. If we start with abstract language, started with the verse I wonder where you're going. I wonder where you've been, which is so open that you as a listener are just watching me wonder, rather than it starting any film rolling in you. Now those same two abstract lines, I wonder where you're going, I wonder where you've been Where you've been once in this context of you're out there crying and begging and mourning and all that stuff. A hobo wind, now, I am talking to the wind clearly and now if it comes lot more intimate a lot more sense bound. So I wonder where you're going. I wonder where you've been. I don't know, this may sound a little, a little technical at the moment, but I wonder if I should use wonder twice. I wonder if I should use wonder twice and I don't know. I'm just going to leave it like that and see what else develops. and and see what what happens. So I wonder where you've been? Where have you been? Where have you been? and so now I suppose that the next lines The natural place to go for the next lines is to maybe speculate on where you might have been. So the lines I came up with were, "I think of hearts you might have touched," and "touched," of course, comes right off of my worksheet. Let's think of hearts you might have touched. And those hears, what about those hearts, and now remember after [SOUND] stop, [SOUND]. I think you might have touched, the tones afraid, the ones unloved... Now let's go back to that second line, and wonder about using wonder twice. Note is that short u sound is now completely populating these these lines. I wonder where you're going. I wonder where you've been. I think of hearts you might have touched. The ones afraid, the ones unloved. Unloved. Unloved, you know, I had love in the in, in, in my worksheet. But, maybe the reason that I'm feeling so stuck is because I too feel the need to go search for that Nourishing thing that love and so I liked unloved. And note that we have unloved, we still have all of those u's. So I wonder about repeating the word wonder. I might break the the short u sound there with I wonder where you're going. And then instead of wonder to use something else. One possiblity that suggests itself. Comes again from the worksheet. My two big ideas in this song are hobo and wind. So I don't know if this will work or not, but I just wanted to try I wonder where you're going. I don't know where you've been. And using the don't know to maybe pick up the hobo in the title at the end. I don't know if it's going to work or not. and I won't know until I listen to it. After there's been some melodic rhythm. After there's been some melody, and so on. so I'll just leave that. Do I need wonder wonder or do I need don't know? I don't know. I don't know. But, you know, that's just part of the process of trying to think through it in an organized way. Now, for those of you who think that all art must be spontaneous. That all art must come in this rush of inspiration. Well of course. Spontaneity and inspiration are such a fundamental part of the human creativity that we all have in common. And I don't mean to dispense with that at all. But I find that the writing process is enriched greatly if you bring not only your heart to the table but bring your brain along. Because bringing your brain along brings your whole self to the experience. And writing is such an interesting, fascinating, satisfying, frustrating, maddening thing to get into that bringing your whole self. Rather than simply saying, it just came to me that way. Or simply letting the mad professor in you just arrange things. Neither the head alone, nor the heart alone creates the best art. So this whole thing that I'm thinking about, don't know where you've been, or wonder where you've been. Small thing But it reminds me of this wonderful passage from Matthew Arnold's "Dover Beach," where he's describing the way the ocean comes up against the rocks and then moves back down unendingly. Moves back down, comes up against the rocks and moves back down. And there's two ways he could have said this. Here's way number one. That the waves begin and end and then again begin. Begin and end and then again begin. Begin and end and then again begin. And one of the things about begin and end and then again begin. Is it's this whole cycle, begin and end. And then again begin and end and then it begin and end. So,it's this cyclic flow of the waves. Which, of course, Matthew Arnold sees as the generations of humanity and so on. Works it into this gorgeous metaphor. But you could say, that this let's just call it voice leading, of the vowel sounds and the consonant sounds, particularly the N sound. Begin, and end, and then again begin. That's not really what happens with the waves. Because it's not this constant flow. Just remember that the waves come in and they crash against the rocks and then slide down. What Matthew Arnold actually wrote in Dover Beach, he broke the voice leading. And said begin and cease and then begin and cease and then again begin and cease. And so that the cease, he could have said stop by the way but the use of cease, cease, sounds like the waved. Weird things that those artists think of, isn't it? But look at how effective that line becomes, not because all the sounds are in common, but because, at a really significant point, one of the sounds is completely out of it. So maybe don't know might work, instead of wonder in the second line. Again, we don't know. So now we have to match that second to the last line of the first verse, [SOUND]. And it has to rhyme with loved, unloved. And I thought that I might try moving away here cause this is a sense of frustration, I think. I looked at my love rhymes, though, yeah Lot of good stuff there, maybe untouched or touched, I don't know. But I thought, what would happen if I really pulled it away and used a consonance rhyme. And so the line I tried was the ones you couldn't move. The ones you couldn't move. I wonder where you're going. I don't know where you've been. I think of hearts you might have touched. The ones afraid, the ones unloved. The ones you couldn't move. O Hobo Wind, Hobo Wind. It' s like, yeah, I like that, I like that again, opening that gate, because the ones you couldn't move, that is the ones that don't connect with of, but only connect with the[NOISE] ... I thought that might work. I thought that might work. Also, just as a small thing, the line, hearts you might have touched. It occurred to me that I might even Throw in another short 'u' sound. The ones you must have touched. The ones you much have touched. And so I'm going to leave that open too, because, again, I'm not really going to know anything until I find a melodic rhythm. And perhaps even the melody, and that's something that is still in this writing in the lyric down the road a bit. So, there I am in, in this land of, yeah, maybe this, yeah, maybe that, and I don't need to decide. Because again nothing's in stone. This whole thing could change depending on where else I go. But note that I'm still working through the boxes. Hey wind I hear you. Oh where have you been? And the I wonder where you're going. And so, I now have, two relatively workable versus, that are following this whole idea of Moving forward in a non stable way, and are sort of filling out, flushing out the ideas originally I set up in the boxes, and the boxes are so useful.