"you know what my # 1 fantasy is? i used to think that one day, just not telling anyone, i could go off to some random place, and i just disappear, like you’ll never see me again."

rage

Okay, so now I think I’m ready to write about this little incident.

Only a few know that I am starting to become frustrated by my master’s degree. To be specific, I am getting impatient and wishing to finish my degree in the blink of an eye. A handful of classmates are now taking up their residency, meaning they’re working on their thesis. I took the road oftentimes traveled by most M.A. students: Continue slaving away like a good workhorse while taking an M.A. course or two every semester.

I am taking up two courses this semester. One course is not directly related with my degree, but I know it is something that will be of use when I start working on my thesis. Thing is, my professor (who is a great mentor and a source of varied information) keeps on questioning the “validity” and the “value” of the output of Creative Writing majors. My professor does this every meeting that I feel I am being crucified every session. Imagine dread. Imagine that sick feeling at the base of your throat.

So we have two factors: my frustration and that weekly crucifixion.

Let’s turn now to that point when I burst in near hysteria.

She asked about my class, and I told her about that I feeling I get, that I sense I am being crucified every week for being a CW major in a non-CW major class. She agreed passionately with the point of my teacher, and all those little things and comments she expressed from time to time about Creative Writing took their toll on me.

I told her the following:
– You don’t know how frustrated I am with my pace and output when it comes to my degree. I never mentioned it to you but I’ve thought of doing an LOA starting this semester.
– You make fun of my course. But what do you remember from your childhood? Children’s rhymes, little poems, riddles, short stories, anecdotes all written by storytellers and writers. Tell me what saved you from a dreadful childhood? Children’s shows penned by writers.
– If you knew enough historical accounts (of course, these are stories in themselves), you would realize that movements and revolutions are spawned by books, speeches, and writings. Just look at our history. Take a look at Noli Me Tangere, at the early newspapers smuggled into different regions after stealthy printing. Weren’t these factors that sparked revolutions?

And these were two things I never mentioned, the first because it was just too obvious, too glaring, and the second because it is too personal: a) Writing sparks life into life; b) You are like some people I know that mock what I do.

I didn’t need to tell her these two things.

Let this serve as a cautionary tale. Make fun of my surname and/or make fun of what I do, and you will pay.