Random assortment of what-not.

Most disappointingly misleading headline: T-rex versus Beckham? Sorry David, you're lunchIf you actually want to read about new dinosaur theory (to be followed by alternate theory this time next year)*click the link. What? You're not clicking?*This actually reminds me of the iPod. You get a new one and by the next year it is obsolete.

Japan, still a total dick. Japan omits China, asks Asian Democracies to uniteI don't want to be cheeky, but seriously, can you have a Asian Union without them? They basically are Asia. Furthermore, what? You're not inviting Russia, but you are inviting India?"By Japan and India coming together in this way, this 'broader Asia' will evolve into an immense network spanning the entirety of the Pacific Ocean, incorporating the United States of America and Australia."Oh, and the US and Australia. As 7th grade Quiana would say, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO buuuuuuuuuuurn!"While Abe has improved ties with China, which had frayed under his predecessor, he has also stressed the need to forge closer links with democracies in what analysts have said was a tacit criticism of Beijing.You think?

Russian woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis.A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said on Wednesday.Let this be a lesson to you men-folk, sometimes we just get tired of seeing your junk. This is like leaving the Christmas tree out all year, so don't get mad if we're not excited on Christmas morning.

And now for my final news item of the day, saving the best for last:Murray refuses breath test in SweedenActual text from the article: It isn't illegal to drive a golf cart in city traffic in Sweden, but Holmlund said it is very unusual.I wonder if he tried to order some flapjacks. Or maybe some Swedish pancakes."Too early for flapjacks?"