11 failed IUIs, IVF #1- miscarriage, FET #1-nada, IVF #2-triplets but we lost them all at 9, 18, and 21 weeks in 2013. When all hope was lost a friend stepped forward to be our gestational carrier and carried in our twins... 2 years later we decided to try for one more baby with me carrying again...this is our story

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Infertility Awareness Week??? and Life

April 25, 2013

So many thoughts for today's post. A bit random too just to warn my sweet readers.

1. This is the official "Infertility Awareness Week." I am so grateful that IF is started to get a voice. 1 in 8 couples experience some form of infertility and it's time to break the silence. I know in Europe EVERYONE gets to do IVF through insurance if they have no other children. The government requires it to be covered once. How awesome is that? I get that wanting more kids (when you already got some) can be tough but I find myself secretly rolling my eyes when I see women on IF forums heartbroken they can't have their 4th, 5th, 6th (or 19 and counting) child. Anyways, I was on "stirrup queen's" blog and read a post about how for us women who suffer, Infertility Awareness is not a week. It's every second, every day. It's in our dreams. I'm glad there is a week but this week to me feel like every day of my life for the last 2+ years.

2. I also found this ribbon that they are trying to spread the word on. The idea is when an infertile
women finally gets pregnant, to wear this ribbon. It softens the blow a bit to other infertile women who may feel jealous. It quietly tells the world that I have suffered, prayed for, and often feared my stomach would never grow. I'm a warrior. Keep fighting. I LOVE this! It's so hard for me to hear pregnancy announcements but on these blogs I am actually HAPPY for people who become pregnant because I know their stories, their tears, their fight. Some day I will wear that ribbon.

3. Long shot. It's so funny because the little smile face filled me with hope even though we have major sperm issues. When I started getting period symptoms on Monday, I knew this cycle wouldn't be our miracle. Even though I knew it was a LOOOOOOOOOOONG shot (did I emphasize long?) I couldn't help but calculate I would find out on my husband's bday (tomorrow). I couldn't help about dream about the power of the miracle and not having to do IVF in the summer. I couldn't help but over analyze the drops of blood that happened ONCE on Monday as POSSIBLE implantation bleeding. You all know the drill. On Monday I hit a low again. Depressed. Sad. And most of all scared. What if this is it? Darren reminded me that my only prayer/goal was to simply ovulate (to remember that femera does work). So, tomorrow is CD 1 and one more round on our own before returning to (read in deep serious voice) "THE RE OFFICE."

4. Life. I hate how much this consumes my mind but I don't know how to stop it. To completely "let it go" seems insane as I don't ovulate on my own and have to track medicines, temps, opks, etc. I do (believe it or not) have a life outside of trying to create a life (lol). Here's some highlights:

I am junior class advisor and I put the PROM together. It was a big success with just under 500 kids. Here's me with the fam the big night in Portland:

I have been babysitting my 6th month old nephew Ryker on Mondays and if I can work really hard I can get him to laugh. It's freakishly heartwarming. Here's my current fav pic of him playing in warm towels!

Lastly, here's where I'll be next week. Can I just say a vacay/2nd honeymoon/get out of the groove to the Caribbean is probably a really really really good place to head to around May 5th?

2 comments:

Oh my goodness I'm jealous of the vacation. We have one planned for the summer. Well actually two... our plan is if we are pregnant we are going to Denver and if we are not we are going to Vegas! Have fun lady and you are always in my prayers!

My Bucket List:

Meet the Bensons

Hi! I'm Holly and Darren is my husband. We have been married 5 years; after our 11th fertility treatment in 2013 we lost triplets (2 were stillborns in the 2nd tri). It nearly destroyed us. The day I delivered my son a friend emailed us and offered to carry some of our biological remaining embryos. The transfer was a success and we had twin boys born almost exactly a year-to-the-date later than when I delivered my son. If I'm not blogging about our journey, I'm teaching high school Spanish, drinking Starbucks, hanging out with family, eating candy-and then working it off at the gym. If you ever need to contact me directly you can at hollybenson10@yahoo.com or if you want to see more into our daily lives, my instagram is hbenson10

How Long We've Been At It:

JB

Babies in Heaven

We have had two miscarriages and 2 stillborns (born 3 weeks apart). I'm 50/50 on naming the early miscarriages but it gives me a sense of peace and reality of their lives. In heaven, I will call for them.

Jaden lost 11/2012 blighted ovum (my sister gave me the idea for this name, it means "God has heard" and he had because it was our 1st pregnancy)

Isaac lost 8/2013 everything was perfect and then stopped at 9 weeks (my sister is law gave me this idea. Isaac means "laughter" and everyone's first reaction to us having triplets was laughter)

Stillborn daughter born 10/30/13

Stillborn son Jude born @21 weeks 11/17/30

Infertility Treatment Journey

Me: 31 I have mild PCOS and ovulate very randomly (I respond to femera and on that have normal cycles)