27 February 2008

Breaking News: Nutty Rift Confirmed!

February 27, 2008 – New York, New York – In what can only be called a shocking turn of events, Mr. Peanut, the mascot of Planters Peanuts and a long-time fan of the New York Mets, officially declared his allegiance to the Philadelphia Phillies, confirming the rumored rift between himself and Mr. Met, the beloved mascot of the New York Mets. The much anticipated press release comes on the heels of an inflammatory picture of Mr. Peanut in Phillies clothing that was posted on the #1 investigative peanut blog, P.B. and Shady. Although Mr. Peanut's words were brief, his reference to Mr. Met as a "bulbous baseball buffoon" clearly confirmed the dissolution of his long-standing friendship with Mr. Met and the New York Mets organization.

Mr. Peanut, an anthropomorphic peanut dressed as an old-fashioned gentleman, had been a fan of the New York Mets since the baseball team’s establishment in 1962, and was hired by the team in 1963 to mentor Mr. Met, the baseball-headed humanoid who wears a Mets cap and uniform. Mr. Met stated that he was deeply saddened by the picture of his former mentor in Phillies gear and his subsequent statements, calling Mr. Peanut’s actions a “personal attack” and “anything but gentleman-like,” given the well documented feud between Mr. Met and the Phillie Phanatic, the furry, foul-smelling, clumsy mascot of the Philadelphia Phillies.

The salty roast of Mr. Met by Mr. Peanut was just the latest development in the bizarre chain of events involving the beleagured mascot. According to a source close to Mr. Peanut who spoke on the condition on anonymity, the peanut’s downward spiral began in 2006, when Planters Peanuts proposed that Mr. Peanut’s old-fashioned clothing required an update, and encouraged fans to vote for changes, including a “wife beater” and a dude rag. Although fans ultimately voted for “no change”, Mr. Peanut’s ego was shaken by his company’s apparent lack of confidence in the awesomeness of his spats. His rotten mood allegedly spoiled his relationships with his closest mascot friends, including Sprout, who he called “a precocious bastard.” Sprout’s green-skinned foster giant retorted that Mr. Peanut was “obviously a salty nut who was green with envy.”

In September 2007, an alleged rift between Mr. Met and Mr. Peanut was speculated when all of the peanuts mysteriously disappeared from Shea Stadium. Although no arrests were made, a Mets food vendor assisted police artists in rendering a drawing [shown left] of the alleged suspect. An angry confrontation between Mr. Met and Mr. Peanut in the Mets locker room was observed in horror by the Mets players, although Manager Willie Randolph forbade his players from commenting on the situation. However, sources close to the Mets believe that “Peanut Gate” resulted in a player distraction from which the team never recovered, and may have been to blame for the Mets’ historic collapse at the end of the 2007 season.

In response to today’s press release by Mr. Peanut, The New York Mets announced that they will be holding a press conference soon to address Mr. Mets' relationship with Mr. Peanut. Coverage of the press conference will be available exclusively on the P.B. and Shady blog as this historic story unfolds.

Who are these nuts?

P.B. Smooth and Lil' Shady are rap alter egos born out of a shared love for peanuts and reckless sunglass night driving. Like two nuts in a shell, they share a friendship based upon their love of Pindar and a unique world view, courtesy of their sophisticated peanut-shaped glasses.