Leader of the Household

Please share this post with brothers you know that are loosing hope in finding a match or getting frustrated with the whole process due to many other obstacles and curveballs that are thrown their way.

“Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which Allah has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions….”.[Qur’an 4:34]

Very often, I see some brothers complain about still being single. I also often see some whine and whine about it. There are many reasons they aren’t successful. One main reason is that some of them are jobless. Another reason is that they don’t make enough money in the eyes of the family of the prospective bride. Further reasons can be racism. By racism, I am not talking about the black and white type that is still sneaking around… I am talking about the racism that borders more with tribalism. If tribalism is your obstacle to land a bride, pray Allah to help you find one who won’t care if you are the same tribe. But if that route doesn’t work, you have to marry for Islam (the required pious spouse) instead of your desire to marry that specific type you had in mind because all these superficial desires don’t last. They expire along with love at some point except the religion and the Supreme you married for.

However, if lack of money and a job are the reasons you aren’t married yet. These are fixable. It all depends on you. It all depends on how courageous you are. I shall explain. I have come across old men up to the age of 100 years old that still had a job to provide for their families and I have also came across the not so dedicated ones. Old men too. They just sit all day long. Pray, eat, chat. They are proud to see their wives bring bread to the table. This is so wrong in Islam. If you are sound and healthy but let your wife do YOUR job, may Allah help you in the akhiret.

I have also seen young dedicated men that work up to three jobs and go to school so that their wives can be the queens they deserve to be. They do all that so that their family lacks of nothing in the name of the religion they believe in. Some did small jobs; from cleaning jobs to fast food clerks or managers. They just do any halal job under the sun to make ends meet. They’re truly courageous ones. If they don’t go to school, it is what it is. They still find a way to excel in an area that becomes a steady income for them. For instance, construction (very popular), mechanic (also very popular), selling fresh groceries in a truck around town, selling kitchen apparel, etc. The list of jobs available in endless.

I also came across men that lived with their in-laws because they wanted to save and the mother-in-law was so nice that the daughter-in-law didn’t care to live there until they were kicked out nicely to go find their own place. The wife loved living with her in-laws! So, your mothers you mama’s boys out there can be a deal breaker if they’re mean, evil, out there to dismantle your relationship with your future wife.

I have also seen young less dedicated ones (the lazy ones) scheme the public for fast and easy money with identity theft, messing with djinns, and whichcraft to rise fast and impress the targeted people they have in mind. Only to end up dead because they dealt with djinns who are not trustworthy or in jail. The courageous ones always prevail as they choose the safe and halal way to become a leader in their families.

These men I am referring to above exist in my family (biological and in-laws) and friends and relatives. So, I am not preaching to the choir here. I have seen it up-close. The courageous ones here have the nicest and cleanest houses I have ever seen. They worked hard to get there and still work hard to put food on the table. The grandchildren don’t even look up to their fathers who have it all, the way they do their grandfathers. They look up to the grandparents who set the leading example to their children that carried it on to their own children.

So, what you should get from this post is that if you want a wife so much, you need to put the effort in. You need to be a go-getter and you need to work whatever halal job you come across to save this money to make your dream come true. Live with your parents if you have to until you have enough saved to start your family. So what if it’s not a desk job? If anyone thinks that the job that you’re practicing is not honorable because you don’t wear a suit to work then forget them. They worship money and that is not Islam. We should be modest in Islam not label worried. Don’t buy extravagant things with your money such as the latest car, the last phones, the latest tablet, the latest games, etc. This kind of living above your means is the reason some people have nothing and live off credit cards. I speak from experience because I am a penny pincher and chose a very simple life not to brag to you. We can afford many pricy things but we chose only to spend on the necessary things.

Papatia Feauxzar is the Love & Relationship Editor of Hayati Magazine. Feauxzar is also a Muslim Publisher and an American author of West African descent living in Dallas, Texas with her son and husband. She holds a master’s degree in Accounting with a concentration in Personal Finance. After working as an accountant for a corporate firm for almost five years, Feauxzar decided to pursue Accounting from home while homeschooling her son. You can visit her website at www.djarabikitabs.com.