Few years ago, I got my first job and saved for a PS4. I was so proud of myself for earning my own gaming setup with HDTV, Headsets, PS4, Games, etc. It took months to save enough since my Nparents demanded money every paycheck for bills. That made the process more difficult with only making around $200 a week.

I played all the time and loved gaming with friends online. It was my main stress relief method. I would spend a lot of time in my room because it was difficult dealing with narcissistic personalities. One day, while I was at the library, my Nmom decided to break my PS4 to "help you get better and spend more time with the family." I came back from the library and was informed of the incident by my sister. I did not react at all because that is exactly what Nmom wants. Deep down I knew something like this... childish behaviour from my own Nmom was possible. She was minding her own business waiting for me to get angry or something so that her actions can be justified. I bottled it all up inside and isolated myself in the room even more.

It's been over a month now and she still hasn't apologized, forget about replacing my property. I finally blew up a couple of days ago and let everything out. That is when I saw her true nature. I said, "You damaged my property. My PS4 that I worked hard to save for! You don't feel any guilt and don't offer to replace?!!" She goes like, "You play that thing all day, you had it for a long time. Just get over it. You still have your laptop."

That is when I knew there was no reasoning with someone like this. If she cannot understand why I can't get over it, then speaking further is pointless. It's as though she sees the world from her point of view and completely disregards other people's feelings and perspective. I deeply miss playing with friends and having fun. I constantly feel this fierce anger and resentment towards my Nparents. Nobody came to my defense. My siblings just saw the whole thing as insignificant and not a big deal.

TL;DR: Nmom broke PS4. I worked hard to save for from first job. No apology. Told to move on.

Few years ago, I got my first job and saved for a PS4. I was so proud of myself for earning my own gaming setup with HDTV, Headsets, PS4, Games, etc. It took months to save enough since my Nparents demanded money every paycheck for bills. That made the process more difficult with only making around $200 a week.

I played all the time and loved gaming with friends online. It was my main stress relief method. I would spend a lot of time in my room because it was difficult dealing with narcissistic personalities. One day, while I was at the library, my Nmom decided to break my PS4 to "help you get better and spend more time with the family." I came back from the library and was informed of the incident by my sister. I did not react at all because that is exactly what Nmom wants. Deep down I knew something like this... childish behaviour from my own Nmom was possible. She was minding her own business waiting for me to get angry or something so that her actions can be justified. I bottled it all up inside and isolated myself in the room even more.

It's been over a month now and she still hasn't apologized, forget about replacing my property. I finally blew up a couple of days ago and let everything out. That is when I saw her true nature. I said, "You damaged my property. My PS4 that I worked hard to save for! You don't feel any guilt and don't offer to replace?!!" She goes like, "You play that thing all day, you had it for a long time. Just get over it. You still have your laptop."

That is when I knew there was no reasoning with someone like this. If she cannot understand why I can't get over it, then speaking further is pointless. It's as though she sees the world from her point of view and completely disregards other people's feelings and perspective. I deeply miss playing with friends and having fun. I constantly feel this fierce anger and resentment towards my Nparents. Nobody came to my defense. My siblings just saw the whole thing as insignificant and not a big deal.

That's when you really want to break something of theirs in return, even though you know it would only cause more trouble. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine the level of malicious pettiness that an action like that would take.

However, if you're over 18, you could sue her for damages. It was yours, she deliberately destroyed it. That's illegal - if you're over 18. (If you're not, unfortunately you can't own anything and technically, as your parent, it's hers. So she just destroyed her own property.)

Whenever the question of the ability of minors to own property separately from any legal interest of their parents arises here, the answer invariably comes "minors can't own things, anything they 'own' is really their parents', anything you gift to a minor is then owned by the parents", etc.

This is incorrect. In fact, this is precisely the opposite of the common law position.

A. "As a general rule any property acquired by the child in any way except by its own labor or services belongs to the child, and not to the parent." para 29, citing Kreigh v. Cogswell, 45 Wyo. 531, 21 P.2d 831, 833 (1933)

B. "Despite the general rule, parents do retain property rights in certain items they provide their children for the purpose of support, maintenance, or education such as clothing and books" (para 30)

In Hoblyn, the property in question was a horse given to a girl by her grandparents as a gift. "As a matter of law, the horse belonged to the daughter, and the parents had no implied authority over it simply because of their proprietary interest in the premises on which it was located." (para 30) From the court's comments at para 34, it is absolutely clear that the girl was the absolute owner of the horse and her parents had no right to interfere with her ability to exercise her ownership rights ("The daughter also had the right to transfer her bailed property, and the parents' arguments to the contrary are unfounded...The daughter had the ability to sell her horse...")

C. "In consideration of the duty which the law imposes on a father to furnish adequate support to his child during infancy, the services of the child during that period are due to the father, and, if they are rendered to a third person, the right of the father to recover the value thereof is clear and indisputable. But this is the extent of the father's right. He has no title to the property of the child, nor is the capacity or right of the latter to take property or receive money by grant, gift or otherwise, except as a compensation for services, in any degree qualified or limited during minority.

Whatever therefore an infant acquires which does not come to him as a compensation for services rendered, belongs absolutely to him, and his father cannot interpose any claim to it, either as against the child, or as against third persons who claim title or possession from or under the infant."

I think this part speaks for itself.

So what belongs to you? Anything you received as a gift from anyone other than your parents, regardless of how old you were when you received it. Probably anything you received as a gift from your parents that was "not necessary for her support or maintenance" (something like a computer would be arguable. Something like a video game console or an expensive leather jacket or a fancy computer chair would probably be yours outright).

But this idea of an "under 18 your parents, over 18 yours" dichotomy is absolutely, completely and entirely wrong. It has no basis in the law whatsoever - indeed the relevant case law is emphatic that a person's ability to own property separately from their parents is in no way qualified during their minority.

Yes, I understood the formulation like it belongs to the child unless they work for it, which doesn't make sense, but it's just maybe my poor English and not understanding the word exception used in this context.

Wow. I see things so very differently now. I for one will be handling my children's things a lot differently now. When we have taken things away, they always get them back later and never get rid of them. Thank you for sharing this.

A parent does have a legal right to control their child's activities and access to objects. Kid buys a phone but uses it inappropriately? Parent can take the phone away, for at least a reasonable period of time. If the kid wanted to sell the phone since they weren't getting to use it, they have a strong case they should be allowed to do so.

In OP's case, his mom could have said, "Only 1 hour of gaming per day" and "No gaming is your grades slip", and physically taken the PS4 to enforce the rule. But breaking it crossed the legal line.

I was guilted into replacing what I damaged. Funnily enough, a few months after, she did, out of the blue, say that what she did was 'disrespectful'. One of the few apologies I've ever received from her, and it was in the words of her therapist but still. It made me regret not speaking her language a long time ago.

If I could do it again I would have grabbed something precious of hers, hid it in the woods somewhere, and have called her on the phone with clear instructions for how to get it back.

I'm not a lawyer, but also not entirely sure that the "can't own anything" statement is correct. OP works, saved up from their own earnings, by all accounts bought it with zero help from them. And while it will certainly be difficult to bring legal action against them while still a minor living under their roof, I don't think it should be ruled out straight out of hand. Might be worth looking into a little further?

That said, it could easily escalate things in a dangerous way. So for the moment I'd just look at it as an expensive and emotional lesson - that she will happily destroy anything valuable you have around at a whim, so keep anything you treasure well away from her. Including yourself, as soon as it's viable to do so. In the meantime, is it at all repairable?

That is generally not the case, again I’m not a lawyer, but I browse r/legaladvice occasionally and I know that can be false in many states. It depends all on the state, but if OP worked for it and bought it with her own money, it is hers and cannot be taken away in most cases

Just a heads up to OP if you decide to post to /r/legaladvice - we have had some users experience some less than supportive responses when discussing abuse or asking about legal issues with an Nparent in that sub. If you would like to seek their advice, perhaps it would be best to use a throwaway account that isn't linked to RBN or avoid using terms like "Nparent" as those have not been well received in the past. Of course, it's totally your call OP.

We recently opened /r/RBNLegalAdvice so if OP is interested, they are welcome to post questions there.

Minors still have property rights. For instance, in California a parent cannot give the police the consent to search a minor's property that belongs solely to them and which the parent has no access to, such as a locked box in which the minor is the only one with the key. Why would a PS4 they bought with their own money be any different?

Really, this is the answer. Eff the bullshit and trying to figure it out. Lets help the kid get a new console? $299 for a 1tb system is legit, and shouldn't be that hard if everyone who responded to just this section donated a little coin.

Matter of fact, someone should buy the system, set it up, and "loan" the system to this kid. That way if mom tears this one up, she's not destroying her sons property, she's destroying another adults property, and one of US can press charges on her.
(I said loan in paraenthesis because, yes, it's going to be his system entirely, but to protect his system, it should technically be property of another adult.... that way there's no question about this same scenario)

Just a heads up to OP if you decide to post to /r/legaladvice - we have had some users experience some less than supportive responses when discussing abuse or asking about legal issues with an Nparent in that sub. If you would like to seek their advice, perhaps it would be best to use a throwaway account that isn't linked to RBN or avoid using terms like "Nparent" as those have not been well received in the past. Of course, it's totally your call OP.

We recently opened /r/RBNLegalAdvice so if OP is interested, they are welcome to post questions there.

I'm sorry it happened to u. my dad used to rip up comics infront of me as punishment. i loved those comics cuz it's the only good way to escape (mentally) from them. he would make me get them from my shelves and then rip them up infront of me. npeople are cruel.

Your hopes, dreams, happiness, joy... all being destroyed and thrown back at your face. So cruel. What makes me even more frustrated is when others who are supposed to be there for you aren't. They would rather laugh it off to avoid any discomfort in getting involved. I feel like an outsider living with my "family."

All you guys up there I'm responding to, this was AND IS still my life! I've always been the black sheep, the undermined, and the underdog (I have demonstrated countless times how I just am naturally brighter/more intelligent than them). I've just always craved for equality in the house, because it can work. It just never did in my family because there was NO such thing.

My mum used to hide my stuff, like the Nintendo or the power cables to any gadget or computer I'd be "spending too much time on". And it would just really hurt, but I forgot about it until I got my own money. See, I never thought about this until reading THIS THREAD and the comments contained within!

It hurts so much but I'm glad to remember! On the other note; yes, I get next to no support from anybody when the shit hits the fan or if my emotions become uncontrollable (I too bottle things up like OP).

When things really picked up speed with my mom, I reach out people I thought were my friends for help. Ever last one of them turned away. It's just the reality of the situation. Count on no one in this world, because everyone has the potential and majority likelihood to let you down.

But let me add one thing, if you are still young, before you lose all hope... some day, you will be older. You will be able to get out of this mess, and move somewhere far away where there are decent people. Hell, maybe you'll even move near one of your online friends.

Hey guys, yes I learned almost too late that who you thought were real friends aren't because they ignored and turned their backs to you. It's true, count on nobody. We also shouldn't be afraid of the fact that everybody uses everybody, and we must use people to achieve a goal - even if it's just a mundane social life.

I got nagged on for putting my emotions on other people, AND lectured on how obviously they're going to snap at me because sometimes emotions are uncontrollable reactions to me being . . . eh, I'm sure you know how it goes.

Bonus points plus for being the youngest in my family by a bit. And still being expected to control my emotions better than them.

AND THEN PEOPLE WONDER WHY I'M SO POSSESSIVE OVER MY BELONGINGS AS AN ADULT.

Like damn I'm literally too afraid to leave my MacBook by itself even if I'm going to the store. I'm always scared that someone's going to take my things because I have a life long history of that happening.

I've got the opposite issue; I don't care about things whatsoever (since they might be destroyed or used against me). It's caused some weird problems in my adult life: I'm basically a Spartan Soldier. I only own one or two pairs of pants (I could easily afford a dozen). Only one pair of shoes (and one pair of boots). I have to remind myself to replace clothing as they wear out.. I'll just wear the last of whatever I have every other day... Until last year, I never bought a car that cost me more than $2000 (again, I can easily afford a nice, new car). I did finally buy myself a brand new car last year (after 42 years) and I still don't care about it much more than I did my POS cars.

This also has caused me to be weird about gifts; both giving and receiving. Since I don't care about stuff/things like, at all I'm basically impossible to shop for (I really don't want anything). I tend to only give cash out as a gift since I myself find it more useful than anything else. It's.. weird.

I can relate. I've never had anyone stick up for me and learned a long time ago that sticking up for myself just puts me in a worse situation, which hasn't helped with my timidness and social anxieties. I think the happiest I'll ever be is when I finally move out

Sticking up for yourself does help, in the real world at least. Living with a narc is like living in upside down land. The things you learn from your time with them is the exact opposite of what you need to learn to be healthy in society. Moving out at 18 was the best thing I ever did. Good luck.

Yeah, the laughing it off thing is difficult. When we were all kids playing Pokémon, me the youngest by a long shot, my siblings used to lie about what they were trading me. I actually don't hold that against them, or it against my mom that she always said it was our problem and she wasn't going to get involved. My brothers didn't know better, and my mom didn't get it.

Nonetheless there was a moment I didn't want to put up with having my things taken anymore so I threw out my game with prejudice so that my siblings couldn't keep taking from it. I knew I fucked up the second it was, you know, not useable anymore, and felt about five different types of stupid, but that feeling of having no-one there for you while having stuff taken . . . yeah, it's a strong feeling.

I’m so glad my parents divorced a long time before my dad died. My nmom is such a steaming piece of absolute trash, she would have broken or burned his guitars, his records, all of the model planes be whittled from scrap balsa using drawings he copied to scale out of obscure books... she would have erased every fucking trace of him from this earth. And those are the two things he and I had most in common. And they’re a huge part of who I am too. Hell, one of his guitars, she had already tried to destroy before I was even born. A 1937 Kay flattop acoustic, she smashed it to smithereens and my dad glued every splinter back together and made it play again. It is the single most important thing I own. I learned guitar on that instrument.

I went no contact with her the week my dad died because she just couldn’t resist the urge to shit all over his corpse (not literally, but verbally). His agonal breaths hadn’t even started when she decided to launch the barrage.

I sincerely wish my mother had been the one who got pancreatic cancer. She deserves it. My dad didn’t. His only real mistake was meeting such an abusive piece of shit, and being too autistic (serious tag goes here) to be able to actually process what she was putting him through.

I miss my father every single day of my life. I don’t have a single memory of my mother that isn’t full of her being manipulative, abusive, or otherwise toxic.

I feel for you, man. Within a few hours of my Dad being buried, my NStepmom was trashing him. I was too numb and in the thrall of her narcissism to react. Its one of the reasons I am NC with her today.

I was locked out of my room for a month or two and forced to sleep on the couch when I was about 12 years old. The crazy thing is that at the time it didn't strike me as particularly bizarre. I had forgotten all about it until I saw your comment. It makes perfect sense now....

I grew up in the time before mobile phones, but my Nstep-dad wouldn't let me or my brother use the house phone for anything other than briefly making appointments - he would listen in & yell at us to get off the phone if it sounded as if we were in danger of chatting, a cardinal sin in his eyes. It was horribly stressful. In the end we used to sneak out of the house to use the pay phone in the village if we wanted to chat to anyone. When I got a bit older, I offered to pay for every call I made, if he would get an itemised phone bill, but her said no, it wasn't the money, he just didn't want me using the phone. All about control. I didn't realise it then but it's a classic form of abuse.

yeah, reading all the comments something popped up in my mind. i had a bedroom in the basement and so did my brother (we were teenagers) and one day we came back and our bedroom doors were gone. she took them off cuz we used to stay in our rooms with our doors closed. i used to think it's because she was lonely since dad was working oversea and pitty her doing it. now i realize even if he was there she would have done it. btw she would always tell me that my friends didnt actually like me and no one on earth would love me except her (and the family). pretty culty now that i see it in words... and of course nowadays i always doubt if people do like me at all.

Same. Destruction of property in front of your kids is fucking cruel, especially when they've taken most of your shit away to begin with.

Sadism. That low key "I've done something to hurt you but I'm just going to brush it under the rug and not explain it" knowing full well it was on purpose waiting for the reaction so they can fucking feed on it.

I can't begin to describe the levels of anger that caused in me as a kid. Fucking narcs.

those cards could worth so much now. but that's beside the point of course. i have my cards still even though i don't play amymore cuz it feels insane to even sell them since playing them is like having made a bond with them. I can't imagine someone burning them... I'm so sorry that happened.

My mom would break my CD player and CDs in front of me. I wasn't allowed to listen to music. She also broke both my guitars. I would buy new CDs and discmans (yeah, showing my age here, I'm 32) and hide them in my box spring. That worked until she found that hiding spot. There was a lot of domestic violence in my house and music was my refuge. I was an honor student and varsity athlete at my prep school. So, I wasn't a slacker by any means. My mom still thinks she was the perfect mother to me. 🙄

My mother did this multiple times to me. Especially if I saved up for it, because she saw me working and saving as a threat to her for some reason. I'm so sorry. Just... I'd be happy into pooling into a new one for you. This shit just makes me... ah, I cant even.

My mom wouldn't let me have my own room until I was 13. When I did, she would invade my privacy daily and get furious that I kept it cleaner than hers. I'd come home everyday from school or work wondering if something of mine was broken. Hell, I'm almost certain she killed my pet hamster when I was in 8th grade, because she used to have one as a kid that died and it reminded her too much of it.

Having things to escape reality of an abusive home was bad. The tools you need to feel safe and at least distract are seen as things that will take you away from her abuse. Part of her knows this, which is why she broke your stuff.

I hope the best for you. Not totally sure about your situation, but you can escape it. You don't have to define yourself by your childhood and how you were raised. You can rise out of it a stronger and more compassionate person. I'm 30 now, and my mom died when I was 19. It was the first time I felt I could actually be myself. Freedom now that she was gone, but there was still so much emotional work to do. I'm STILL navigating it.

My mom wouldn't let me have my own room until I was 13. When I did, she would invade my privacy daily and get furious that I kept it cleaner than hers. I'd come home everyday from school or work wondering if something of mine was broken. Hell, I'm almost certain she killed my pet hamster when I was in 8th grade, because she used to have one as a kid that died and it reminded her too much of it.

​

I wasn't allowed to have pets...I'm pretty sure because a.) she was afraid I would be successful in taking care of them, b.) me acting responsibly would ruin the narrative of being a fuck up, c.) (and this one is really weird) she didn't want me to have human qualities, she wanted me to be like an inanimate object...not...like...a real person.

She didn't want me to successfully manage or take care of anything and she would come up with all kinds of weird excuses (similar to why your N-mom killed your hamster and how she would get angry at you for keeping a clean and tidy room).

It was always some sort of strange, abstract reasons as to why she invaded my privacy, took or destroyed my possessions, or barred me from making decisions or participating in activities outside the house. "You can't sleepover at someone's house/get certain decorations for your room/join that club at school because when I was a little girl, another little girl, who I did not know and have never seen, who lived 2,000 miles away, fell off a horse and I never got over it."

That kind of stuff. Always some weird irrelevant justification as to why she acted the way she did, or prevented me from doing/having certain things. Bottom line, she wanted me for N-supply. My having human character got in the way her getting that.

I was a glorified house pet. The worst part, though, was when my nmom convinced me that my Ndad was the one who treated me like a doll and “put [me] up on a pedestal.” Sure, he pampered me in a lot of ways, but it was more like covert incest/spousification. It was nmom who made me into a mini-me of herself, who followed her around to all her activities, was friends with all her friends, pushed me to follow paths that would reflect well on her and sabotage or submarine me in subtle ways so I wouldn’t notice and just think that I was the failure. It’s was bad enough being a doll or a glorified house pet (which she has actually called me), but when she manipulated me into thinking, for years, that my Ndad was worse than he is so that I wouldn’t notice how bad she was being. ....it’s gaslighting... I’m NC with nmom because of this but Ndad and I get along okay so as long as I walk on eggshells around him and occasionally pull the breaks we’re ok.

Having things to escape reality of an abusive home was bad. The tools you need to feel safe and at least distract are seen as things that will take you away from her abuse. Part of her knows this, which is why she broke your stuff.

I never thought of it like this but it makes a lot of sense. She was obsessive about making sure there was NO FUN (no distractions) just an empty room with nothing but walls to stare at for months on end at a time. To the point of searching me when I'd come home for stuff I might have got at school or from friends.

Well she's alone now for all of her efforts and she'll never have a son, or be the grandparent she might have been. If she could have apologised things might have been different but I'm not even sure she's capable of it.

Mine does similar shit. When I was a minor she used to hide my laptop and phone and such in the top of her closet space (forgetting I'm a giant and can literally see it from a distance), because "I'm on them all way too much," but I was only ever on it for school. I had an online class. Like hello???

Privacy was a nonexistent concept to her too, she would barge in randomly all the time. My distraction was gaming too, and music, both of which she yiped about all the time.

As an adult she does the same shit but worse. Somehow she found a way into seeing what purchases I make (I think she intercepts mail), from my bank account, harasses me over that, and then holds debt from another situation over my head (it wasn't my fault). It doesn't change. It's hard to get out. I'm right there with you right now OP.

I can relate. my mom was the same way. everytime i got a job, started supporting myself as a teen she'd hate that. i guess because i didnt need to depend on her financially and she didnt like that. i found that when i was unemployed she was relatively present. no issues. got along. one day i got hired at this little store, making $10 an hour. she fliped her entire personality and became horrible to me. its anytime im doing good for myself or im happy. she hated seeing me happy, would steal money, not let me sleep when i had a morning shift. doing all the little things to insure that i had a bad day at work. ugh. but yeah i guess our moms are the same.in that respect

I can totally relate to this. With N Parents, there is a complete loss of justice and a sense of morality. I think it’s quite damaging for us to go through these experiences, especially when quite young, because it ingrains a sort of distrust of the entire world.

When I was 12, we moved down the street. I was a bit pouty and unhappy about moving because we were leaving a house I loved that had a pool (can ya blame me?) and also I was 12. My mother made me feel awful about my “behaviour”, a recurrent theme in my life to this day. When we finally got to the new house, I realised a bunch of my stuff was missing. I suddenly had no posters for the wall (I had loads before), so I borrowed some from my friend. One day I came home and they were all gone. My parents had thrown them away. Not only did they legitimately throw out some of my belongings, they threw out stuff that wasn’t mine to begin with. I was so hurt, and incredibly embarrassed to tell my friend.

I have a long memory when it comes to being mistreated, abused, disrespected, ridiculed. I will NEVER forget no matter what the situation is or how long it has been. Meanwhile, they truly believe that you are going to brush it all off and glorify them.

When at some future date your Nmom comes asking you for money, you get to remind her of this.

Being out of the house for a few years has really made me a lot happier. Now the tables are flipped, I am the one with the stable job who succeeded despite being told I was going to be a criminal, and I don't have to get involved because I am not co-dependent or an enabler.

What is with n-parents and posters?! I had a poster I received as a gift on the wall above my bed. I came home one night and it was gone. I asked my mom what happened and she told me it ripped and she threw it out.

Fast forward a year later, I’m moving out and I find my poster shoved in the back of the closet, perfectly intact. I confronted her and she admitted that she “just didn’t like it and didn’t want to look at it anymore”. She couldn’t even bother to throw it out.

Totally. They ruin the value of the home and lower the resale price. Yet all of their decorations in the house, including all the artwork that was hung up with nails (some even in my room that I had no choice in), those were fine.
🤦‍♀️

I know the feeling. You always have this feeling like the other shoe is about to drop. My sister had gotten to the point that she no longer cared if something of hers had gotten damaged because she expected it. I went in the complete opposite direction and became fiercely protective of my things especially clothing (since my Nmom refused to buy for me).

I'm still trying to control the fierce protectiveness that resulted as well. Weird part is my housemate is the same. We both love reading and borrow each others book but are really weird about it. She is somehow even more careful than I am with books and returns them insanely fast but I still seize up whenever she asks. So we agreed that she wouldn't bother asking anymore but she can't help it due to the abuse she coped.

Its awkward and annoying to go through but I think we're both getting better and hey, more books overall.

I understand your anger. I understand your frustrations. Channel this into getting out of that household and away from your parents. You are right. There is no reasoning with people like that. Don't waste your energy. It will only aggravate the situation. You not reacting is the best thing to do in this situation. However, that anger you held inside will damage you. Again, do what you need to create your own life. Once you are out of that house, seek therapy to heal the damage. All the best.

Yep. It really sucks now. But do your best to muddle through and work towards creating a better future for yourself. Because unfortunately that's all you really can do, but you'll win in the end. Because winning with this is basically breaking free and getting to be happy and surrounded by people who actually care about you and act accordingly.

If op contacts you, one of you should shoot me a pm, I can cover the money needed for the ps4 if someone else covers shipping. Hell if shipping isn’t an obscene amount I can probably swing that too. I don’t normally do this, especially with strangers but I like to do a good deed around Christmas and knowing what’s it like to grow up with an nparent I’d totally help in this situation

if this is happening and op is getting a ps4, i have quite a few games i can ship him, I'll cover shipping. pm me or post here? I'm new to using reddit so still learning how to communicate through it. i know the pms and replies to posts go to my emails now so i should be able to see them.

You are giving her way too much credit. She'll be frothing at the mouth to destroy it again just so she could feast on the devastation it would bring you. Narcs aren't rational and they don't care about you. That threat fell on deaf ears.

When I was 15 I was told by a doctor that a small part of my lung was dead because I was around mold for 4+ years and i was allergic to mold. Doc told my nmom that they could either have us move out of the house the mold was in or get rid of the mold or I would die. My nparents refused because they believed that the doctor was played by me to say these things so that I could get attention. So then I left the house on my own when I was 16 and lived in a friend's house. They alerted the police because clearly i was kidnapped.

Point is, nparents don't care what will make them lose you. Just that you do the things they want in the way they want you to

If his own mother barges into his room to break things, I can’t imagine he’d be allowed to have a lock on his door or may be kicked down if he did get a lock for it. A door is probably less expensive than a PS4.

You can’t be rational when irrational people are involved.

The only way I could protect my valuables from my family was to buy a safe. :(
I didn’t need it anymore once I moved out. :)

Why would you want to spend time with people that don’t respect your property? “Because they’re family”? Family doesn’t give you a pass to destroy belongings. I’m sorry bro, I wouldn’t waste money on another because they’re just going to do it again. Instead, save every penny you can in a secret account and just leave as soon as possible. You can’t shame people like them or get them to admit they fucked up because their brains aren’t wired correctly. They don’t see you as your own person with your own belongings, you are an extension of them so everything that’s “yours” is really theirs. And they feel entitled to it. It’s extremely infuriating, but once you accept that they will never get better, it’ll be so much easier for you. I told my nmom that I have high hopes for her, but very low expectations because of how disappointing she is. She hated it lol

Bullshit. She did it, first and foremost, because you worked hard to save your money to purchase something of your choice...meaning, you were exercising your own personal choice and decision making about something that was important to you...meaning, no N-supply for her.

N's hate it when you earn your own money and spend it on something of your choice. They don't want their victims to have any economic or financial freedom/control because they know good and damn well that they cannot control someone who can take care of themselves. This was always a sore spot in my family because it became the last viable reign they had on me and they pulled all the stops to make sure that me being financially independent would never happen. Because they knew they couldn't punish/imprison/shame/bully someone who made her own money or had the control over her own life.

That is the main reason your N-mother broke your console. Secondly, she broke it because gaming signified your independence and it interrupted her getting her N-supply. And lastly, the fact that it upset and hurt you was just a bonus for her.

Thank you so much. I see it as ammunition. I stopped providing ammunition in terms of reactions and information a while ago. My Nparents are gossipers who talk about their kids the first chance they get. Relatives believe every word. I hate lying by nature, but I learned that it is necessary when it comes to them.

I haven’t made a post about my own Nmom yet, but this post struck a chord. And it wasn’t even MY experience.

My mom has told my sisters and I that when she was in high school she couldn’t afford to go to her own senior prom... Because of that she refused to help pay for any ticket, dress, hair nails anything. But my sister was dead set on going, so she worked her tail off at her first job to be able to afford it all. She bought an amazing dress, shall and shoes, I was young but even I remember how proud she was of them. The night before her prom my sister worked a double shift after school and when she finally came home she found her dress and shall cut up to pieces on her bed. FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. I never found out the reason why my mother did it. But it almost doesn’t matter, I’m 100% certain it was conjured out of thin air and pure jealousy.

At the time I was about 10. I did not fully understand what happened I just knew my sister was horribly upset. So as for your sisters OP; they truly won’t understand your moms behavior until she starts doing things to them when they are older. I know I didn’t. Years later my Nmom also ruined my prom night, in a different way. (But that’s another story.) I’d bet a million dollars when your sisters are older you will all be on the same page.

Please instead of saving up money to replace- save up money to move the hell out. You will be saving yourself a lot of BS in the future!

Thank you for sharing! Your sister must have been devastated. I feel so bad for her and for what you went through. Your sis was so proud and was highly anticipating a great night and then your Nmom took it all away in an ugly fashion. It's evil what our parents did. I can never imagine hurting people like that, let alone my OWN children.

Exactly. Items are not just pieces of material. They could hold meaning to it's owner. The PS4 symbolized many things for me such as, excitement, adventure, bonding with friends, happiness, entertainment, sense of pride, and achievement. Time does not reduce its impact and what it represents. That's why people have tokens of remembrance because of the uplifting emotions and nostalgia associated.

Once the console was taken away from me, then everything it represented was crushed.

If your laptop can run Steam you can easily find friends just as fast as on a console. But I get you, it won't be the same. BUT.. What choice do you have?

My brother did the same thing to me when I was roughly your age. Except in that situation he moved the computer (which was in a general room in the house) to his bed room! I still used it while he was at work everyday, but it meant the immediate end of my time on World of Warcraft. I had great friends, man. We'd voice chat and do almost everything together in the game. I could imagine the fun you had on the PS4!

Ever since then I've tried at least a few times to find those old friends but I gave up because it's been way too long and the memories faded too much to remember any detail which could possibly help to track them down. It's over! But I'll tell you, mate, since then I haven't had the same relationships online (at least in an online game).

I'm sorry that it could possibly mean that would have been your best online social life, but you could always continue on your laptop if it can handle it and see which community you end up in. Nothing may be as good as it used to be on the PS4, but like I said. What choice do you have at this very moment?

It's bizarre because I went through a very similar thing as you recently did, and what I'm saying could unfortunately become true for you. For that, I'm sorry about everything!

This happened in my earlier years like when I was 13. My mom broke my laptop because I totally ignored her. She never behaved properly with me from the start and gaming is the only thing that made me comforted and ambitious. It's a good thing my dad is always on my side and always protected me or bought me things that I wanted. Eventually he got a divorce with her and we moved out. I feel for you bro. I am a college student right now otherwise I would have definitely helped you in buying a new one because at that time my friends and my father bought me a new laptop by pooling some money.

6 years ago I had a PS2 and my Nmom hid it from me and I find it a year ago in a moving box marked with her name on it. Confront her about it. guilt trips me in front of three of my other family members helping us move boxes. No one says anything and my dad says drop the subject, and of course, pretty sure it’s really gone now... Still upset about it now. It meant everything to me and I havent had access to playing games until now. RIP. I feel for you too OP

I’ve been paying my own phone bill since I have had a job (14) because my mom would randomly take away my phone at the worst times. Like I started a new highschool and she took it because she said I needed to get over my selfishness.... when I bought my own phone and those little pre paid minute cards, she smashed my new phone (it was an iPhone 6, very expensive!) and said that I was disrespecting her by doing that. I payed for most of the phone myself. My grandparents helped out with some of it. But still, it’ wasn’t hers at all. She would take the phone cards and CUT THEM UP so I couldn’t use them.

She probably has justified her criminal action of destroying your PS4 with the fact that she didn't break your laptop. In her mind, she has rationalized herself as merciful.

​

I don't suggest this, because I would fear for your emotional and physical wellbeing but I wonder if she would ever break if you guilt tripped her everyday for what she did, and if you constantly repeated "Not breaking my laptop, doesn't justify breaking my PS4." But then again maybe that negative attention is what she wants.

Thank you. There is no guilt-tripping her since she fully believes her actions were justified. I asked her multiple times to replace it, but she said that she is broke, I had it for a long time and to forget about it.

I'm really sorry you had to go through this. I hope you can save up enough to get another one. I feel like its not only painful that you no longer have a PS4, but that you have a parent like that, and no one to protect you from them. I'm guessing your other family members don't defend you?

Every few months, my birther would casually mention to the wall (totally a "I'm not talking to you, but I want you to listen" way) that the house was nothing but garbage and she should price out a dumpster for the driveway. I would panic and want to clean my room, except whoopsie-doopsie, she never taught her kids how. She would always say anything left on the floor is obviously garbage. Tiny me decided that under my covers, in my dresser, and in my closet were "safe"

It was before I was in preschool, but I remember her coming into my room with a contractor trash bag. She first stretches it out at my dresser and uses her arm to sweep everything off the top. Then she pulled my toy bin out from under my bed. Only my absolute favorite toys went into that bin. All of it tipped into the bag. When she was done, I had only books and one creepy porcelain doll my grandmother gave me that I had buried in the closet.

She did shit like this the entire time I lived there. Nintendo wires and controllers, gone. My favorite games? Sold. Any file I saved to the family computer, deleted. The only things she left alone were my books and my instruments.

I never really got to save up for super expensive stuff because I was never allowed to have a job, but I do remember that when I turned 17 or 18 I was given a laptop from the nparents. It was supposed to be used for school & free time but I was never allowed to take it to class with me & I always had to ask permission to use it & had time limits. Then one day my nmom’s laptop essentially died because she had so much crap on it & it was too slow so she just took mine saying that “as soon as I get a new laptop, you’ll get yours back”. She never got a new one, I never got mine back & she proceeded to load the one that had been mine with way too much stupid crap & slowed it down too.

The sad thing is that this would have happened even if OP had tried to be the perfect child and only gamed when Nmom wasn't home. They got enjoyment out of it, so it's clearly a threat to her power and control structure that she's built in her head.

I am so sorry! Please take a big old deep breath and think about what this means. It means no one there is on your side. You are all alone. But good news! We are on your side and I'm sure there are folks out in the world who are too. Get past this. Get past this. Get past this. Don't let anyone there know what is important to you so they can't take it away again. Don't share passwords, private information, anything they can use against you. Don't share your future plans with anyone. (They can find out.) Read the posts on here and if you need to, PM folks who are safe now and find out how they did it. Greyrock as much as you can. You have so many years ahead of you -- 20 years at home? Hey 60 more years at least away. You can do it! I'm on your side.

Look at the definitions on the side panels but as I interpret it, it means you just don't engage. You don't argue, explain, justify, etc. (I think it's called JADE.) You respond blankly with comments about the weather, you never provide personal information, you keep your expression blank. They say something like, "You should really do X, Y and Z." You respond with, "I'm going to Sears today. They're having a great sale on towels." Every question or statement is met with an innocuous answer. Nothing they can use against you, nothing they can argue about. Don't even tell them what color towels you will buy. That's a guaranteed argument starter as you're too stupid to pick the right color! Don't buy into their need for drama, personal info they can use against you, arguments they can try to counter. Look up Gray Rock Method on line. Lots of great info there.

Wanna hurt her? Move on. Bullies do things for reactions, your NMom is likely no exception. I know it'll be hard, seeing as she destroyed your entertainment, but don't let her get any further reaction out of you. Good luck, friend. Stay strong.

N's truly believe they are the only ones with valid feelings worthy of consideration. She wanted to feel a certain way (powerful, in charge of you) and acted accordingly to achieve those feelings. Which sucks majorly for you, I know. All you can really do is grit your teeth and work towards your independence.

There's going to be a day when you are able to move out. Here's the plan:

Do not give them any warning. If they have access to your bank accounts, especially do not give them any warning. You move your important papers and laptop to a trusted friend's house or have them with you, set things up with a new landlord in secret, pay your security deposit, take the rest of your savings as a cashiers check and walk it to a new bank and open a new account (if you are over 18) and then swoop in and move your belongings ASAP in the same day.

And if she confronts you during the move, this is the glorious time to calmly remind her of her exact words when she broke your PS4. And then look at her straight in the eye and tell her "Just get over it. You still have your other children."

You said in one of your other comments that you’re making not great money, are you making enough to move out? I moved out when I was 17 to a shared house with a bunch of roommates for pretty cheap, still not really affordable but it was doable just barely, and the best decision I ever made.

Exactly. We can only strive to be as opposite from them as humanely possible. In a way I’m glad she has set the example of exactly how I do NOT want to parent my child/future children.
I’m also sorry about your ps4, and generally having an Nmom sucks too. But it takes a shiny,steel spine to react to the situation as maturely as you did. I hope she keeps her distance until you get your own place. Best of luck to you!

You can hire a lawyer and sue her for property damage, file a protection order against her, and move out now, and do not tell anybody, because if she finds out, then she will track you down and control you. Narcs hate it when they lose power. You need to stop giving her that power, and take control of your life.

Damn, you have a lot more self control than I did when I was living with my parents, I would have fallen into the real. Big s/o to you, you already found the only method that "works". Good luck, you just have to focus on that light at the end of the tunnel. You got it bro

Reminds me of my Nmom. Sorry you had to deal with this. My nmom never went through with breaking my stuff because they usually paid for it since I wasn't allowed to have a job. Then they decided to try and claim the one thing I actually did pay for before moving because they borrowed all the money I saved up before I bought it and said that they would pay me back by letting me order it on their accounts.

I don't know what it is with Nrents and being so toxic to spend time around but also demanding you spend your time with them. My video games were always a target of why I was a bad child to my Nmom, even though my brother never got shit for being into them as well.

Wow. What a bitch. I say *hold something of hers hostage until she replaces your ps4. Like get her jewelry, electronics, etc, put them in a trash bag & bury them somewhere she *won't find them until she replaces your property.

That is so tough. As a gamer myself, I'm sorry that happened to you. Just remember-one day in the future,you can quietly remind her of this, and other instances of her behavior,while picking out her aged care home....

I remember when my Mom smashed the stereo system I had bought for myself in a fit of rage & when confronted she said "It's just stuff!"

So I went to her room, gathered her porcelain figures she got from France in her youth (very precious to her) and proceeded to smash them apart with a hammer on the table. I left her the mess to clean up with a note that said "It's only stuff."

The next time she destroyed something of mine (it was a collection of CD's), I doused her wedding dress in gasoline & motor oil and lit it on fire in the driveway. Again, leaving her with a mess to clean up.

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You don't have to put up with this. Take her to small claims court. Go online, fill out the form, file it at the courthouse for a small fee. Explain that you DO pay bills around the house and so are not living for free, and she damaged your property and you are owed compensation.

Came here to say the same thing. If you are 18 or older, receive mail at this residence and do pay your share of bills....you are legally their Tennant, not their child, and there are laws to protect you and your property! Take her to court and sue her for replacement of your property and a separate amount for “pain and suffering” or “emotional distress” and use that money to move out!

As someone who also personally worked hard for my first gaming console and had to pay bills at the same time while working multiple jobs, I feel your pain. I can’t even begin to imagine how I’d react if my mom did that...

Thank you. I do not like to act unpredictably and allow emotions to dictate my actions. So I did not react, which isn't healthy at all. I then started going on walks more often as an outlet. That really helped.

OP, I totally understand what's happening to you. I got my first job when I was 18 (I'm 21 now) and the first "silly selfish" thing I bought for myself was a bikini because no one would buy one for me LOL! I'm really rooting for you to take legal action against your Nparents or better yet to move out. I just moved out of my Nparents' house this summer and even though it's been really hard, I'm way better off emotionally. I also really like the suggestion someone had down below of getting a lock box or a safe for your valuables. If your Nparent complains about it just shake your head and say, "I'm protecting MY property that I paid for with MY money that I earned from MY job." Especially if you're 18 or over.

​

Also, I also totally get what you say about the people who are supposed to be there for you but aren't. I would try to tell my close family members about my Nparents' behavior but they would just shake their heads and say "I'm not going to get between you and your parents." It was hurtful but I've found other family members that better understand what I'm going through and a better support system.

Then it seems like this is the point where OP might have to make a big decision, depending on their age and abilities and support system. I was kicked out when I was completely not ready, but I had just turned 18 and they “offered” to let me stay on the conditions that I quit my job, did not have a bank account, license, or car, did not go to college, gave up my phone, and literally lived to follow my mom around and do chores and work on my “sulky attitude.” So, okay, I could have stayed in hell or made a hard choice, and that hard choice turned out the best thing I could have ever done with my life. That’s not an option for everyone, I know, but I’m just concerned if there’s deeper things going on for OP than losing his PS4. That seemed to be an event that really put things in perspective for him and showed how alien his nrents are, and there’s no telling what else they could do that could ruin this life, although allowing him to stay in their home. Not to mention the PS4 was a coping mechanism for him and he lost a lot of money he legally earned. If OP is around 18, I would just advise he look into staying with friends or getting a better job to support an apartment, or at least lay the groundwork for becoming independent soon. I would definitely try to move out before starting college, even if that delays education a few years, because the last thing you want is to end up stuck with nrents for over 4 years while they may even financially support you and you literally can’t escape them when they get worse. Like a spider web.

I totally agree that moving out asap is important, but I think moving out on their terms is the ideal. I am nervous about advising people to take an action that would get them kicked out, without also advising them to be prepared to be kicked out.

At the moment OP doesn't sound like they have prepared to be kicked out so I am a bit nervous.

I agree the same, so I just want OP to think about it and weigh the situation with what they’re able to do. Using my example again, I was basically in their shoes. My nrents broke my property and said “there, now i command you to spend more time with us and be very happy and cheerful.” Of course, they also threatened to withhold basic human independence and allow me to age, which is really what pushed me out the door. It all signaled something deeper, so if they were complete douches and broke his stuff for kicks and that’s it, and he decides he can live with it, then I guess it’s okay. As long as it’s not a smokescreen for something more sinister that will bite him in the butt if he’s not vigilant.

I'm so sorry ☹️ my mom used to rip my books in half, and when I finally found some kind of religion, she came into my room and snapped my candles and destroyed my altar. It wrecked any faith I had. She also would search my things for reasons to argue. Among millions of other things. Just get out as soon as you can. I'm 30 and I never got away.

If/when you get another, ps4, keep the receipt somewhere you wont lose it and tell nobody, then if its broken, get your mother on audio or in writing saying she broke it intentionally, easy enough because im sure she'll rub it in your face. Then you can bring her to court and force her to repay you for damages. You might be her child, but the law is still on your side. Narcissists often like to pretend to be caring, normal people, and if you force others to look at them all the time they won't mistreat you for fear of being seen, thats why using the law to enforce fairness in the home, however strenuous, could save you a lot of heartache and money, and she will think twice before laying a hand on your things again, something your words would never instill in her.

This triggered me because one of those was a teddy bear that my aunt HAND MADE for me when I was a baby. I always put them away when I was told. I always tried to behave, but they (Nmom/Nstepdad) couldn't communicate, contradicted each other and even themselves.

As an adult I can see this was a sickness but as a kid my rage and wrath was constantly being manipulated by their lack of consistency.

I do understand your pain. If I were you, I'd see what can be done about restitution. Do not let the statute of limitation expire...

Wish this problem didn't exist. I had a lot to offer the world. I was supposed to be much more than I am.

My advice to you is never be afraid of her. Do not let her play with your mind.

Your self confidence, esteem, and motivation will be much higher- just to name a few.

Sounds like my NRoommate. He didn't like how the place was dirty, so he threw out my belongings. I brought it up to the landlord and he made a narc sob story about how I was making him feel unsafe, and the ditzy landlord kicked me out.

Dude, that sucks. The pure frustration and rage that you were having. I wish I had left at 18 and never looked back. Get yourself stable and make a better life for yourself and don't look back. I spent way too long trying to please everyone only to be shit on at every opportunity.

When I was 11, my dad died. He was kind of a superman in my town. Good looking, charming, smart, athletic, etc. You know, someone that you could never live up to. That was my first issue.

I have never been a material person, but my only personal thing that I every really cared about was my computer.

In every form, from my first Vic 20 to my c-64, then Commodore Amiga, to my current build, they have been my babies.

They were my escape. My nmom never broke them, but she would constantly make fun of me about being a nerd. But worse, my N-sister teased the living shit out of me about it and loved to try and humiliate me in front of friends, girls, etc. My solution was to make as little contact with the both of them and hide in my room or go out with friends. I was pretty socially awkward but had some super cool friends that took care of me and really helped me keep the tiny amount of self-confidence that I DID have. (I did my share of self medicating.) My big brother was also there to back me up a lot, but he had his own demons to deal with.

Still I always had a bit of loyalty about stuff we did as teenagers and would never tell on her. I always wanted approval from sis in spite of how she treated me. Yet she found joy in busting me for smoking, drinking, etc., while I kept my mouth shut about her snorting coke off my mom's dinner table and her parties (Mom wouldn't have believed me anyway).

By the age of 15 I had stopped talking to her completely, except for one word answers. I did not have a conversation with her for nearly 15 years. The best part is that she didn't even notice! Seriously, we had a good fight about 15 years ago (we were in our 30's (!)) where I let her and my mom have it for the years of contempt that they had for me. This was after my brother's funeral (suicide after years of addictions issues)

My sis refused to believe it. I asked her to bring up one conversation in past 15 years that was longer than the current fight we were having and she couldn't. No apology though. Her and my mom just said I was just feeling sorry for myself. Not the case. I no longer gave a shit about much. I was just a grown ass man by that point that only cared about my wife and my 3 kids.

I was terrified to go somewhere (maybe 12ish), my mom was screaming and dragging me across our front yard late at night by my hair, she finally gave up and went inside to get my favorite Cedric Diggory poster and shredded it right in front of me; all while still outside and I was sobbing. I still miss that poster but the worst part was how truly scared I was of doing what she was trying to make me do. And it pisses me off even more that not one of my neighbors noticed or just didn't find what was happening worthy of any kind of intervention.

Damn bro. I really feel bad for you. Maybe you should install a lock on your door or something to guard your stuff because you never know what she will do next. I’m sorry that you have to deal with that.

You gotta use that same focus you used to save up for the ps4 and save up to get the hell out of there. Im sorry man, you got a good head on your shoulders. Being reactive would have made everything worse. Now you know. Be careful with your things and try to move out ASAP. Best of luck.

My mom actually did this to me when I was a teen with my first saga dream cast. I didn't bottle anything. I put a hammer to each and every single piece of electronics in the house within minutes. She called the cops, I got Baker acted. When I got home my mom never dared touch another thing of mine tell I left home at almost 16

Don't take any of this personal either. Don't feel like this will happen with any other person in your life or it is a pattern to things to come in the future. You have been hurt by a mentally ill person, it's all her. This is a serious jealousy disorder. They love to destroy your stuff. I always was given gifts or bought things on my own and my N monster would steal them,hock jewelry people gave me and tell the person not to buy me anymore because I didn't take care of them.

My dad is the narc in my house and he works on the road. Just found this group, and damm I feel bad about the ps4. I feel that if my dad was always around a lot more of my stuff would’ve been broken by now.....

Are you over 18? If so, head over to r/asklaw and find out the specifics of suing her. If you're already paying rent to her, you're better getting a cheap place and being out of her life anyway. Either way, destroying your property is a lawsuit.

Sweety im so sorry that happened to you. You have every right to be mad, what she did was so so wrong. You did the right thing by not reacting, it probably would have made things worse. I wish I had the money to help you start saving again. You'll be able to get out and make something wonderful of yourself. youve already proven that you're willing to work hard. stay strong and if you can help you siblings to not be hurt by her as well. Youre awesome. Dont at any point let her convince you otherwise so that she can keep control over you.

My favorite toys were never packed each time we moved. All the things that were special to me, my NMom conveniently donated to other children. I was not old enough to have any idea.

Just that my toys given to me specially from my Dad were gone when we unpacked all those boxes. I have learned to be far less attached to things. The other times this happened it didn't hurt as much.

You're right though that siblings are numb to this. They're so used to fighting for themselves that they can't fight alongside you.

Jokes on my NMom though. My Dad saved a box of toys. He realized what happened and kept them until I asked the right questions.
To be honest, now I only care about my access to information and communication.

My mom used to make me clean up by opening all drawers and smashing everything to the ground and making me throw out half of it. I know that feeling pretty well. :( So sorry, OP. I wish we could help you more and not only support you with some virtual love.

Man that's horrible. I am sorry you have to go through this.
When I was like 7-8 years old my I was allowed to use the calculator my grandma had back then and for 7 year old me it was the most fascinating thing ever. So fascinating that my grandma gifted me the calculator like 2-3 days later. It was my favourite possession and I used it everytime I had the opportunity to. So about 3-4 weeks later I had to do some math homework but really wanted to play outside. My Nstepdad said I could go if I would finish the homework. I thought I could cheat him, so I used the calculator. He was suspicious about me being done this quick. He yelled at me and gave me some new math tasks to complete. Did them with the calculator aswell, but waited for some time after I finished them. Apparently I still was done too fast. (Just for clarity I never had a problem with math, I could have finished these tasks with no problem but impatient 7 year old me just wanted to get stuff done.) He then made me bring him my calculator and proceeded to rip it to shreds in front of me. It was just a calculator but for 7 year old me it was the world. Never showed him my homework again even if it meant not being able to go out and play. Still have random flashbacks to this moment when my mind wanders off.

When your parents try to take your books away because you're reading while doing homework. Always got straight A's, never submitted anything late, but wasn't allowed to read novels until all homework was done.

Because I have depression issues, I have a hard time cleaning. My NMom would often times "offer to help me clean my room". What it really was would be some woman who came in, threw away my video games, my video game systems, pictures of me partying, anything that was against her religion, or made her feel "uneasy".

Which included lots of music memorabilia I'd never get back.

One time, I was trying to fix a PS2, back when they were still current video game systems. My NMom threw my PS2 away, thinking it was "all broken up" without asking me. When I asked her to repay me for the repairable game system and the video game itself, she got angry at me, like it was a cardinal sin for me to question her judgement. Eventually, I got sick of it and I found some of her favorite plants, and I threw some iodized salt in the flower beds. I don't really feel guilty about it, because Narcs don't feel pain, they feel embarrassment. My NMom didn't like me having those rock music posters and rock music t-shirts because her religion forbade heavy metal music, and she didn't want to tell people how her son wasn't a good Jehovah's Witness like everybody else's son was.

That sucks. I remember how grueling it felt working for so long to buy my first console, the PS2, and then when that shit out, doing it all over again for the Xbox 360. My blood boiled when my parents just locked my consoles up for whatever reason they made up. I can't imagine the rage you felt.

I'd be happy to throw some funds your way to put towards a replacement if you are interested. Otherwise, I would recommend keeping an eye on Craigslist, Facebook marketplace, etc. After Christmas. A lot of people will get consoles they don't want or even multiple of the same consoles and sell them new in box at a discount.

Similar story: wanted to learn guitar, grandparents got me a guitar for christmas, crackhead nstepdad and nmom proceed to pawn my guitar for drug money and then beat the fuck out of me for "losing" it when i was supposed to go to my first lesson. To this day my nmom acts like i lost it even AFTER admitting to my grandparents what happened. They will NEVER admit to you that they have done you wrong because they simply don't see it that way. You, and all of your things, are viewed as their property. They don't care about being fair and typically shift the blame to their parents who weren't fair to them. So much for doing better for your own kids, right? Hopefully OP can get out soon and just go no contact. That seems to be the easiest way to deal with these people.

Oh my GOD I HATE WHEN NPARENTS TRY TO USE PROPERTY TO CONTROL YOU. I am so sorry, OP. Let me ask, do you have a laptop bag? In my experience, when they mention something like that it's like they're "warning" you what is next. If you have a laptop bag (or compartment in your backpack to safely store your laptop), I recommend placing it in there and bringing it the hell with you everywhere you go.

No. But I bought a ton of games digitally and they are all licensed to my online profile. So if I ever get back online, I can download them. I would have to restart any story mode progress, but I mainly played multiplayer, so not much would be lost. That reminds me, all those games... had to have been hundreds of dollars.

No I was 18 working at Walmart. My very first job. My Ndad demanded $100 from my first paycheck as well. That would be a lot of money when younger than 16, but not much when a huge percentage of your pay is being taken away while working minimum wage at Walmart.

I'm also removing this one, because it's not true. Not every parent is in a financial position to fully support one or more adults. It all depends. I wouldn't paint all parents that need to ask for rent with the same brush.

Removed. The appropriate amount will really depend from situation to situation... depending on if the adult child has: a job, a disability, a minimum wage job vs. good paying job, a rigorous school program, etc.

Removed. The appropriate amount will really depend from situation to situation... depending on if the adult child has: a job, a disability, a minimum wage job vs. good paying job, is in a rigorous school program, etc.

This hits home hard man. I remember when I was about 18 and I saved my money from work and gifts up to buy a bass guitar. I was so proud to show it to nmom, and thought she'd be proud too because she was always bragging about my hard work. All she did was yell and ask why I spent HER money on a guitar when I already had one. I had to sell it to get her off my back. That was the last time I showed or told her about anything I really wanted. Hang in there and protect what you have the best you can. It gets better once you can get out on your own.

I am clearly much older based on prized console while Ns were being Ns, however, I spend a ton of time playing games, at least some of which is to block out N crazy. So first, I am so sorry for the death of your PS4. My father ended up "accidentally" breaking my TV console that had my TV and all the gaming consoles I've owned my entire life and started screaming at me for freaking out (not to mention the TV and everything fell on me). He was supposed to hang the lightboxes from my VIVE (VR stuff) because I'm not allowed to make a hole or mark on the walls myself (in my 30s and back here). He's actually taken things down that we're on the walls years previously and freaked out screaming at me so obviously I needed his "help" which of course involved destroying my stuff. Most of my consoles actually seem to be okay, but in the couple years since I've avoided playing on them all. The SNES is mildly damaged because it stopped saving things correctly. It's been to college and graduate school on the other side of the country with me.

I can tell you that your mother is right about one thing and it's moving on... except by moving out. My parents were often screaming at me for playing games - since like 8 years old my mother loved the phrase "playing those baby games" and would try to shame me. It certainly is crappy to endure but leaving will significantly remedy that.

Also maybe you can find a good deal on a new PS4 or get Sony to fix it. Did she physically just smash it? Did she throw it away? And if you still have all the games and accessories, keep them safe until you replace the console and get the hell out of there.

How old are you? I feel like you should make a police report about the damage. It's not a huge amount of money, but it's certainly not okay. Maybe small claims court could be worth your effort?

I used to fuck with my friends mother's sperm donor ALL the time after I realized he's an Nfather and saw him abuse my friend live in front of all of our friends.
So, little perks went a long way, small nail in a tire, poke holes in contacts, juiced stems of spinach and sprayed a few sprits in every corner of the house the car and the garage, his towels too, he had a rash for weeks.

I'm vindictive when it comes to dicks like that.
Find your Bliss bae!!!

Solution: take your nmom’s advice and move on by moving out and far away. Get married (have kids) and never visit your nparents. When she asks why you never visit, tell her because it’s to help her get better and that you’re spending more time with your family. Tell her that you had this thing (you) for a long time and played it all day every day. Tell her to get over it, at least she still has her laptop.

File a police report and take her to small claims court. Have it be court ordered that she has to pay you back. I have found that N’s only seem to get the message when it involves the authorities. Sue her for a little extra for “emotional distress and trauma” caused by her actions and use that money to move out and drop all contact with her. You don’t need her toxic presence in your life.

Man I remember when I was 16, my mom and dad would always take my xbox. I was averaging about 85 in school, was active in sports, went to church, scouts, and volunteered once a month. I probably played xbox maybe 10 hours a week, so still quite a bit, but definitely not excessive. I finally had the courage to call them out, and I took and hid the internet router. My dad freaked out, and hit me maybe five times. I had bruises. He kept belittling me after that and I still didn't give it back for a few days. I knew it was important because he needed it to work, but he could still go to the library and do that. That is the only time I genuinely remember sticking it to the man, and I am proud of that.

My Nmom used to do creepy stuff with my things. I never realized till much later that Narcissits purposely destroy, move around and sometimes hide your belongings. When I was a kid I noticed that my things would always get broken. "Oh whoops I broke it when cleaning." "Whoops I broke your favorite mug when washing it." or stuff that I really enjoyed would just dissapear and she would deny moving it. They have no respect or regard.

What if we try and find one in op’s area and then the people that were offering to pay shipping helped with the cost instead? I forgot I’m in Canada so my $100 is like $70ish in the US so we could split whatever we find a few ways that would be awesome
Edit: I didn’t forget where I live, I forgot about exchange rates, I’m tired

Oof. Yet another narcissist symptom to add to the list. My older brothers were obsessed with Pokémon in the early 2000s and had a curated and excellently cared for binder with rare and valuable cards, our nmom threw it out the window into a dirty alley in the rain, they were absolutely devastated and didn’t understand what they were being punished for. They were the nerdiest kids with excellent grades and part time jobs, she just didn’t like us enjoying things. She also destroyed my Harry Potter books because I spent too much time reading, only later in my life did I find out that reading a lot was something kids in normal families got rewarded for. You won’t get your property back but just know that once you’re out of that house your life and property will be yours.

In the United States, parents are legally required to pay for their child's support until the child reaches the age of majority (18 in most states), and in some states it's extended until high school graduation.

That doesn't mean they have to support you in luxury. But they can't charge you rent or demand money for regular groceries, reasonable utilities, etc. Some families are living in poverty and the teens help support the family. But if it's just a case of asshole parents claiming you have to help with the bills, they're in the wrong in most cases. It's fine for them to say something like, "If you want a phone, you'll have to pay for the service contract".

Depending on your age, you may be able to open a savings account at a bank at which your parents don't have an account. If you're under 18, check out credit unions - especially if there's one that has branches in local high schools. Another option is to get a trusted person over 18 to co-sign for you.

Then set it up so you deposit a bit of each paycheck to that account so your parents never see that you have the money. Many workplaces will do a split direct deposit, putting the first $25 or 10% or something into your private account. As long as your mom doesn't see your actual pay stub, and you don't have account statements mailed to the house, you should be okay.

A post office box is a good idea to ensure the mail never comes to the house.

If you're 18 I hope you could find other living arrangements. The take money for control over you. If you're not hopefully you can have a plan to leave and not come back. That is so shitty for her to break your ps4 when you paid it. She did it to be abusive because she knew you loved it and it gave you outside connections.

Ugh. The hiding the cables, the punishing you for expensive things you lost, which you never lost, she just stole from your room to hide because she needed an emotional high fix of getting you punished. The breaking of what they know you care about because how dare you expend energy not on exactly what they choose for you.

This post has been removed and all comments have been deleted, because gifts are being asked for and multiple gifts are being organized in the comments by the OP. OP has posted their email address to receive the maximum amount of gifts. This is all against our rules posted in the sidebar.

Okay, folks, we don't allow donations and gifts in this group for a reason. Over the years, we have seen many scams. Here is a friendly reminder to please be careful online and not send big gifts to anonymous strangers. I'm not saying that this OP is a scammer, but we don't allow this behavior in this group for a reason - almost any time we have seen blatant gift fishing, it later turned out to be a scam. We used to allow these sorts of things, but, after many very nasty experiences, the mod team here is now extremely cautious with posts like this. Everyone needs to take a step back here.

I do, however, recommend giving charitable donations to reputable charities or local families that you know are having a hard time.

OP, you have not been banned, however, all of your future behavior in this group needs to strictly fall within the boundaries of the rules posted in the sidebar. If this is all an innocent mistake, I wish you all the best OP and hope that you get free of a very nasty abuser as soon as possible. No one deserves a n-parent. Hang in there. I wish this group could be a place where we could organize charitable donations, but the mods do not have the bandwidth to vet people and we have seen too many scams. I hate how some jerks ruin things for everyone.

We have had people here literally post their plans to murder or horribly injure other people. We have had people literally recommend OPs do things that could land them in jail. As such, we take any sort of revenge comment very seriously.

The name-calling is seriously not okay. If you do it again, I'll have to ban you.

Understood. Lol. This one struck home sounds like he’s describing my
Mom. Wasn’t aware of murder plans on here. He defiantly needs some kind of recourse. Glad my first amendment is so well protected on this site.

Hmmm. Seems to be missing info here. So I'll answer with the following detail inferred

you are in highschool

grades are terrible

but to net $200/wk you've been working 》 20 hrs / wk
4 you have been diagnosed with a mental illness (the thing that needs to get better)

you are spending time on the game system that is needed for school work

part of your professionally mandated "get better" plan includes drastically reducing time on game system

you are using game system to avoid necessary age appropriate responsibility

your mental illness is not your fault

your mental illness is not your parent's fault

your mental illness is not your sibblings' fault

your mental illness negatively impacts your life

your mental illness negatively impacts your parents' life

your mental illness negatively impacts your siblings' lives

you are not doing what you have been advised you need to do to help yourself get better

your parents have tried multiple approaches to encourage you to get off the game system and help yourself

your sibnlings being also young, really tend to think of themselves first but even so, the stress caused by your illness is one thing but additional homelife drama caused when you refuse to help yourself is another - they are therefore short on sympathy for you.

Your mom should not have BROKEN your system, but removing it would be justified under my scenario. Regardless of who paid for it ad your parents are absolutely on the hook for helping you (and they have been told same as you were, what is required). I can assure you that in this scenario your mom fully understands WHY you are upset - she wasn't trying to PLEASE you after all. She is saying simply - she doesn't consider, under the circumstances, that your degree of expressed ongoing anguish is appropriate and doesn't warrant any more attention from her. "get over it" almost always translates too "yeah I know you are upset but that doesn't mean I owe you my time listenning to you".

The sibs, again, will be very negatively impacted in their homelife by drama surrounding you, they are self centered as young people tend to be and you understandably won't get any sympathy from them.

Is your mom an nMom - given that she broke the game system sure sounds like some cluster b pd is at work. Is that the issue here? I don't think so. You can get another game system some day. You can't get another mind. Forget your mom, use the opportunity to work on yourself and cut the ambilical cord you had to your game.