Wednesday, June 24, 2009

How to Meet and Woo a Nerdy Girl

Recently, I’ve noticed a lot of folks coming to The Park Bench after Googling “how do I meet a nerdy girl?” Hopefully, this is not the manifestation of some creepy new human trafficking trend but instead is the result of more people wanting to find and date the nerdy woman of their dreams. With that in mind, I offer the following tips:

Tip #1: Know where to look.

The number one thing to know about nerdy girls -- they're probably not going to be doing body shots at the local sports bar on a Friday night. If they're out partying, it's over a micro-brewed pale ale in the quiet corner of their local hole-in-the-wall watering hole. Other good places to spot nerdy women: libraries, bookstores, used bookstores, any other place with books you can think of, comic book stores, knitting stores, craft stores, sitting in the park...reading a book, the local cat fanciers convention, at a midnight showing of "Alien" or in their living rooms, watching "Firefly" again.

Tip #2: It helps to look like this guy:

On the other hand, it helps to look like this guy too:

You're pretty much good either way.

Tip #3: Read lots of books.

Here’s the brutal truth: the nerd girl of your dreams is a brainiac. She’s going to know a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff. You’re going to need to study up -- none of that sitting at the coffee shop with an unread copy of “The Waste Land” in your hand, trying to impress the shallow ladies. Your nerd girl will check to make sure that the spine on the book is cracked and cracked good. She likely also will ask you to compare “The Waste Land” to “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.” If you have to resort to Cliff's Notes, do it surreptitiously. It’s like getting a butt implant – the nerd girls will know you’re faking it.

Tip #4: Don’t slack off on your video game skills.

One of the prime perks of dating a nerdy woman is that she will not yell at you for playing video games rather than, say, going shoe shopping with her. In fact, she likely will sit down next to you and pick up a controller. Here’s the thing though: she’s probably good at whatever game you’re playing so you better be good at it too. Whether it’s Mario Kart or Tiger Woods Golf or the bloody carnage of Grand Theft Auto, she will show no mercy. Practice, practice, practice!

Tip #5: Listen to NPR.

Nerd girls like to stay up to date on their current events…and they like to do it with the dulcet, sometimes somnolent tones of NPR broadcasters. Beware, though, of the onset of NPR depression which stems from listening to so much news and sad stories about flooding in Nova Scotia or the inequities facing migrant workers that you become convinced the world is doomed and there’s no use leaving your house in the morning. This will put a damper on your dating. However, this prevalent disease also will give you an out if you've had to slack off on your NPR duties – just say, “I had to take an NPR break. Sometimes it makes me sad.” This serves two purposes: it gets you off the hook AND it makes you look sensitive. Bonus!

Tip #6: Be interesting.

Whereas a lot of ladies want you to be rich, nerdy women just want you to be interesting. Do you have a comic book collection that spans decades and rests in a vault somewhere untouched by human hands? That’s kinda cool. Are you learning how to do animation so you can one day post the adventures of a hobo cat online? That’s kinda cool too. Maybe you build houses for the poor on weekends or spend an afternoon teaching creative writing to high school kids? Awesome and more awesome. It doesn't matter what you do, just do it well.

Tip #7: Know your pop culture references.

Know the complete works of the Nerd Holy Trinity: Joss Whedon, J.J. Abrams and Peter Jackson. Know that Nathan Fillion will always be on your girl’s “freebie” list. When she goes to church and thanks God that Robert Downey Jr. survived the 1980s so he could play Iron Man, say “Amen” right alongside her. And for the love of all that is sacred and holy, do not EVER get “Star Wars” and “Star Trek” confused: one has Wookiees, one has Shatner, it’s not that hard.

Tip #8: Compliment her by saying, “You remind me so much of Liz Lemon.”

This is truly the highest form of flattery for just about any nerdy woman. Liz Lemon is our patron saint. Her inability to wear high heels, keep food off her face or refrain from making penis jokes while holding a tower made of Legos in her hands makes us reflect fondly on our own quirks. We love her…and you should too.

Tip #9: Embrace her collectibles.

That is not a euphemism for something pervy. It’s just a fact. When you walk into her apartment for the first time and notice a glass cabinet filled with a miniature TARDIS, a sombrero-wearing Giles, a 17-inch Han Solo and a two-foot long replica of the Enterprise NCC-1701-D, do not say, “What the hell is all this stuff?” Instead say, “What the hell? Why don’t you have MORE of this stuff? And may I mail order something for you?”

Tip #10: Be willing to go to conventions.

It’s just a thing we do. Relax and embrace it…and know that nine times out of ten, you’ll catch a glimpse of some nubile young woman dressed as a Princess Leia slave girl. It’s what the universe does to reward patience of our significant others.

Tip #11: Know what to do in a zombie attack.

We've been practicing for this one for a long time. We don't want to have to leave you behind.

Well, that about covers it. Congratulations on taking your first steps on the road to nerd girl nirvana. Know that you have selected the finest kind of woman possible. Way to go, champ!

P.S. Park Bench readers, have I missed any important tips? Please add 'em in the comments.

236 comments:

Not all nerdy girls (or boys) love NPR as much as you think. True nerds like to think on their own, and realize NPR leans very left in their politics. But don't take my word for it. Public radio only pays my checks.

Speaking as a woman, yes, remember there are different kinds of nerds. I'm "hard-core" computer nerd, and while I enjoy pop culture occasionally I'd rather spend the majority of my free time working on projects. Someone who knows C and not firefly will be much more interesting than the other way around. It also helps to have some minimal social skills.

OkCupid is a great way to find nerdy girls. Many of the people on there are nerds and its's a great community of people if online dating is your thing. I've had a string of bad luck lately though getting phone numbers from women in real life because girls are hesitant to give their phone number out there with DirtyPhoneBook making some peoples lives really more interesting than they bargained for. I also think that Facebook can have some value for dating if you already know the girl a little bit. Timely article because I'm hoping to get laid sometime this year, lol.

#11Better than this!Buy the worst case scenario survival handbook! Now I know how to survive if my parachute doesn't open, how to wrestle free from an aligator, how to deliver a baby in a taxi cab, and even, how to survive when a turkey is on fire!! Google it, it is fine artwork!

I'd say that, in addition to attending conventions with us, a guy who wants to date a nerdy girl has to also be willing to occassionally don a costume. It's pretty easy. All you really have to do is dress as Han Solo, and you'll be in!

What she said about being direct is so true - unless the guy says: "let's go have coffee and talk" or equivalent, I don't get it :(

I am a female engineer with a high IQ, and I love sci fi and books but not video games. In fact, I am an outdoorsy and very physically active nerd!!! AND, I meditate.... That mix is kinda hard to fit...

So many male nerds who are into indoors and video games and books are too skinny for me :) They wouldn't be able to walk for more than 2 minutes...And those guys who are into outdoors are physical activity are usually not interesting to me. And, they typically find me terrifyingly brainy "analytical" and plain scary :) Am not going to even discuss the guys who meditate, because I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY YET around here in this small place.

And the very few "mixes" I tend to miss EITHER because they don't say "let's have a tea together" OR I work with them and must leave them alone.

LOL! this is a great list. I remember the most romantic gift my fiance ever gave me was a pristine copy of Mummy:the Resurrection to complete my set of second ed. World of Darkness table top games. It was made so awesome by the fact that it is out of print and he still got one, and didn't resort to getting me one of the books from the new set. I almost cried.

I get too shy around nerd girls, I usually am too shy to really say hi. Somehow i seem to always screw it before i get to step one... That being said when it comes to a non nerd girl i talk to her easy and have three months of boring relationship before i tell myself WHY DIDNT YOU ASK OUT A NERDY GIRL... THis gives me hope that i can find a nerd girl and hope to talk to her in a way that i win.

I must be an earlier generation of nerdy girl because my "Holy Trinity" does include Joss Whedon it does not include the other two listed, but instead, Terry Gilliam, and Neil Gaiman (I'll be honest, I had to look up who J.J. Abrams was). When I was in high school I had a questionnaire I would toss at my smarty-pants male friends as a mock test of whether they were date-able. "What is the answer to life, the universe and everything?", "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?", and "What is the square root of -1?"My husband won me over with a documentary on String Theory and the ability to say "I don't know."

The truth is, most nerdy girls (like myself) are attracted to the opposite of themselves. typically I go for the worldy sophisticated professional powerful type. whenever I can snag one which isnt often. Nerd guys feel like my siblings not my romantic partner. maybe Im fooling myself.

Cor blimey guvnor, if yow like the Doc Who tennant bloke talk oi wreckon you'd prefer some old posh scot rather than good ol landan talk or madchester verse. Head up te Glasgow nah.Ye cannae beat it fur a pint da.

In Soviet Russia, nerdy girl wine and dine you ;) Don't ask why I thought this was fitting, just believed this was the moment!!! LOL Oh and btw, nerdy girls' tend to be sarcastic but laugh at my lame jokes. Add that to the revised edition.

rather interesting post; though i really dont have faith that there are decent girls out in the world that would willingly sit down and play a video game with a boy, or be perfectly content in sitting around for hours without conversing and just reading a book together. I consider myself a rather nerdy guy, and i have yet to meet a girl that would even fit 80% of the description listed above... i might be in a poor time-zone for those girls, but who knows. the search continues i suppose. nonetheless, thank you for an interesting read.

people, if this list doesn't conform to you, it doesn't conform to everyone! of course you have a shot! also, yes, this list is generalized and a bit stereotyped, but it's to show what NOT to do, not where exactly to find your dream girl. think Edison: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

biology nerds will love flowers with punnet squares of their alleles on the card, math nerds almost always love anything to do with the Fibonacci sequence or Mandelbrot, an for god sakes, DON'T STAY AT HOME ON PI DAY! if you're looking for a scifi girl, get monogrammed beach towels, they'll love it. work UNIX terminal commands into your dialect, a lot of them can be used rather sexily.

just because "nerdy" is a subcategory doesnt mean it's less diverse than the main population; intelligent cultures generally diversify more due to the need to specialize somewhere ;)

There's an assumption being made here that nerdy girls are enthusiastic consumers who watch television and happily follow pop culture trends. And they all live in the U.S. and are engulfed in American corporate-driven culture.

That's a pretty dangerous assumption, and at least in my own case, an untrue one.

Interesting post, I look like Fig. 1. (except with a waistcoat, tailcoat and crazier looking)

Alrighty, I know I'm not supposed to try and understand women, but I think I came up with a calculation that explains how to make a girl fall for you (especially if she's nerdy and appreciates things like mathematical equations). Get this out there! (If you agree with me) I think I figured something out! And no, this is not an advert for a dating site, this is a guy getting over a break up who watches big bang theory and stays up till one writing this. So, here we go:

GC=(B+Gp)P-G

G=GirlC=CrushB=BoyGp=Girl's personality (The Girl's favorite part of her personality)P=People

Lets write it out:

Girl x Crush=(Boy+Girl's personality)[applied to]People-Girl

In other words, a girl will form a crush when: There is a boy that that shares the personality feature the girl is proudest of having herself. (This is often being nice, and is the easiest to apply, but is sometimes harder to find. It can also be being unique, being tough, being funny) The boy should take on this feature on himself when interacting with other people around her, but NOT to her.

For example, perhaps she tries to be nice to people and values that. If you are nice to her it might work, but the better option is to be VERY nice to everyone around her, but to be a bit uninterested in her. Not mean, just not super nice. People having been saying that forever, (because rude guys get all the girls) but to me the glitch is that it is less likely to work if she sees you're rude to everyone. It is all about attitude. Don't be blatantly mean, still be a gentleman.

One of the best examples is if she values her intelligence. Talk to everyone but her intelligently, but try to explain things to her, talk to her like you assume she isn't all the bright. I know it sounds mean, but I did everything I could to make a girl fall for me, and friends of friends said that I sounded super romantic and they would love to go out with someone like me. Then it turns out she only liked me as a friend. I think if I had been a bit prouder and ruder to her it might have worked. I have equations for guys falling for girls (more accurate probably) but I'll see if anyone cares for this one.

I'm a nerdy guy who would see the collection of awesome (the Tardis, Giles and Han Solo stuff) and propose on the spot, saying that. It's hard for nerdy guys to pick up nerdy girls because it's hard for us to believe that a girl as pretty as this could actually be interested in the same things that I as a manga reading, anime watching, WoW playing supernerd am into.

About #4, if you're a pro, then you will lose them. I'm sorry, but there's such a thing as being too good. PC Chris is the only pro anything I know that has a GF simply because he was able to win without spending time practicing.

I lost mine partially due to being too good. That's not to toot my own horn. Including her made things worse...she never felt good enough to play with me.

If a guy doesn't genuinely think these things are cute or endearing, if they are inclined to get embarrassed if she acts like herself in public or around his friends (monologuing about Star Trek or jumping for joy when the adds for the latest super hero movie finally start playing) then they are definitely looking in the wrong place.

Also if you don't find what they are interested in to be interesting then look elsewhere! There are TONS of geeky girls of all varieties out there, one of them is sure to fit. Me? I love Star Trek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Comic books, anime, Harry potter, supernatural, quantum theory, philosophy and writing. On the other hand I'm also a brickmason who LOVES dogs ( the bigger the better, I have a St. Bernard and am looking for a good Great Dane breeder) as well as rock climbing, fishing, and vintage muscle cars of the 1960s. I'm also fully aware of my geek status and proud as can be. I love it when people know more about the stuff I'm interested in then I do so I can learn more. I'm also lazy to the point of sin and almost always late or just barely on time for everything but I'll talk to almost anyone about almost anything—despite the fact that I like my own space and can be a bit of a recluse.

A good friend of mine, also a nerd, likes anime and comics almost exclusively. She is extremely punctual, always up on the latest fashion, and likes to prove how smart she is by besting others.

Another friend is quiet. She likes the same kind of video games I do (action/adventure cartoonish types like ratchet and clank and jak because we suck at non-scoped weapons in more realistic games) but she's painfully shy and modest.

So my point is that they range. And not all of them LOOK like geeks either *cough* like my friend who is up on fashion or (admittedly) myself. I'm 5'11", no glasses, and carry a hammer. My video game friend? Pretty classic geek. It all just depends. Geeks just don't fit into a mold, if a guy likes some things and not others there's probably a girl out there with the same interests!!

Christ--I had no idea I was the perfect man! I'm going to have to make some major revisions to my social calendar. No week-long self-pity-induced Next Generation marathon, for one thing. Sweet, patient Jean-Luc will have to wait for me one more day...Goodness; so much pressure! Must be... suave... sensitive... dorky... and... HYPER-LITERATE! AAAAAHHH!