Listening to the heart

One of the UK’s leading coaches Carole Ann Rice shares her secrets to unconscious intelligence.

Our ears never get us into trouble. But our mouths need a police escort sometimes and a lock down in some cases. If we listen and don’t jump we can weigh up a situation and take a measured response. But sometimes it’s the wrong one especially when we override our filter and go straight for brain reaction.

Our filter? Our hearts, of course. Our hearts never desert us, never turn away, never really let us down. Our minds, heads and egos often run away with a situation leaving us stuck with the consequences for good or ill. But imagine if you could just pause for 5 minutes and ask that other true presence – our heart – what it feels about the situation. It’s the inner voice that doesn’t use words.

I have coached countless women, who, in particular seem disconnected with their intuition or gut instinct. They routinely date users and losers seemingly incapable of having the protective inner compass that sets off alarm bells and warns of potential dangers ahead.

Highly functioning, professionally successful women who don’t seem to be able to tune into the frequency that says “don’t’ even think about it” as they head crazily into situations and relationships that would have others digging out air raid shelters under their desks bulk buying supplies of bottled water and nacho chips.

In her seminal book Women Who Run With The Wolves poet, psychoanalyst and social historian Clarissa Pinkola Estes says that it is neglectful, suffocating or careless mothering of daughters that can cause a faulty intuition guidance system in later life. She says: “when we assert intuition we are therefore like the starry night: we gaze at the world through a thousand eyes”.

I have never dated a bad guy and few people or situations have hoodwinked me down a blind alley of pain or deception. But I have always had a strong sense of what I like, trust and need. My psychic radar is an essential bit of my kit. I hone it well.

I find developing this special sense requires patience, trust and subtlety. It takes self belief, confidence and self awareness to tune into the gentle whispers or vibrations which are our clues. Learn to listen to the mellifluous rhythm of your heart messages as your spiritual sat nav.

Here I share some of my methods which steer me well when forming relationships or negotiating business opportunities.

I look deep into the eyes of the person who is offering something. Are they kind and sincere or cold, flat and without feeling?

What sort of feeling does their presence give me? Do we have connection and real synchronicity?

How do they smell? What is their body language? How is their face in repose when no one is looking? Is their laugh rich or hollow?

Do their words sound real or fake? What words stand out? What are they really saying?

Is there any element at all of threat? Even the merest hint must be minded.

If there is any doubt I delay until sure. I won’t be railroaded. I would rather decline than be rushed. But beware of analysis paralysis which will bind you to confusion.

How does my skin, breathing, body and trust levels feel about the person/situation?

Learn to discern between fear, excitement and dread.

One of the saddest life lesson is regret. Not taking an opportunity or making a wrong choice. Try to play out the scenario being offered in your head. What are the pros? Can you live with the cons? The bottom line is to ask your heart – what do I need to know? Will I prosper and thrive or barely survive? How will I feel if I don’t step forward? Can I live with that? Will I be OK whatever happens?

It is our life’s journey to know ourselves. Our loves, our values, our passions and our fears must be understood and considered. We must have firm personal and professional boundaries and learn to say no. People pleasing can make you a resentful or abused victim when used as a tool to garner love. Desperate needs cloud intuition.

The answers you seek may take time to form and may come in dreams, a sudden flash when walking down the street or in the shower so give it time if you can. Trust your higher self, your heart, knows the answer and believe in its wisdom.

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