5/01/2011

NaBloPoMo and MAYBE

One thing I know about myself: I tend to be externally motivated. As much as I would like to operate like the Energizer Bunny, consistently powered by some unseen internal energy source, I seem to do best with a deadline, a looming visit, or a good old-fashioned kick in the butt. So on that note, I am excited to announce my commitment to NaBloPoMo or "National Blog Posting Month." As you can see below, the theme for this month is "MAYBE," and there will also be various writing prompts I may use for inspiration. Wish me luck!

May's theme for daily blogging: MAYBE. Maybe can sound like a wishy-washy word, a non-commitment. It can show ambivalence, being of two minds about something. Or maybe can also be seen as a word embodying potential -- maybe looks to the future, to possibilities, to things that may happen. May is a great month for exploring future wishes as well as looking at the words as they scroll across the screen, planning how you'll move them from "maybe" to "yes." Images can explore the unknown, things that may be.

On another note, I am slowly but surely moving on from my intense foray into the past with R. Last week I read something I found helpful. It may sound incredibly obvious but you know how sometimes the time is just right to hear something and it hits you in a new way? That's what happened when I read a reminder that I CAN'T control anyone else and further more, I have NO RIGHT to control anyone else. And that includes trying to make someone communicate with you.

So even though I would love to talk to R and have emotional closure that feels more clear and complete, I accept that may never happen. I wrote him a final email that I feel good about: acknowledging that we have learned we want different things in a relationship right now, saying that while I wish he would communicate and don't like his behavior, I still love him, wish him well and am grateful for the positive aspects of our reconnection. I can say that I feel finished and am moving on.

Speaking of which, I went on a breakfast and dancing date this morning! A WHAT, you say? A fun breakfast and dancing date! It is a little unusual, I guess. I met this guy, D, on an internet dating site and we exchanged some emails and a couple of calls before heading out this morning to breakfast at a local coffee shop. He is a therapist (super cool in my book) and is spiritual and into dancing (super super cool). He is not necessarily "my type" looks-wise, but it was definitely a situation where he grew more attractive the more time we spent together.

And after breakfast and lovely conversation, he came with me to my ecstatic dance group! And fit right in and had a great time! It means a LOT to me that he was able to jump in and dance and be comfortable in that scene, because not everyone could or would. I liked having him there; dancing with him and also being able to go off and dance on my own and know he would be fine.

Afterwards, he dropped me off and headed home, following a tour of our backyard garden and sharing a couple of sweet kisses.

So I guess that's my "MAYBE" for the day: MAYBE this date will lead to something special! (or MAYBE not) More shall be revealed. . .

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About Me

Hi, and welcome to my blog! I'm a Bay Area woman in her forties, doing my best to live a compassionate, authentic life. This blog follows my adventures in dating, career, family, and personal and spiritual development. I like to analyze! ...but try and keep a sense of humor. This started out as a ttc blog; after stepping away for a while, I'm back on the train and re-focused on donor embryo or adoption in the near future.