Just So You Know You Made Me Cry

You said some hurtful things and to think I considered you as a friend. I thought that because we were friends you would have showed a bit of sensitivity and filtered yourself even a little or at least knew that what you’re saying gets to me.

Yes, I’m gaining weight again. Yes, I know I should go back to to the gym. I’m very aware of my body. You didn’t have to point it out so bluntly and comment about it again and again and again until someone other than me was brave enough to tell you to stop. I heard you the first time you said, “nananaba ka ata ah” (you seem to be gaining weight). You didn’t have to add, “tingnan mo mukha mo, parang puputok na” (look at you face, it looks like it’s about to explode) and “para kang iniwanan sa kusina” (it’s like you got left in the kitchen). I played it off and blamed it on not going to the gym anymore because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I was gonna let everything you said slide but then you went ahead and opened you stupid mouth and said “Lagi ka kasi nakakotse. Wag ka na magkotse. Maglakad ka na Lang” (You’re always using your car. Stop using your car. Just walk). Thank God someone called you out and made you stop before you said more stupid things. If you kept going, I’m sure you would have said something that would have ended our friendship. I get that you weren’t trying to hurt my feeling and in some way you were trying to be a friend but you could have phrased it differently. I don’t expect you to understand what I’m going through cause you’re not in the same situation.

I’m not even gonna bother trying to explain it to you cause you’ll just say I’m making excuses for myself. Yeah, I’m aware that my reasons sound like excuses and some of them might actually be but they’re reasons to me.

I do want to lose weight. I do want to be healthy. I do want to be able to go to the gym everyday and spend more than 15 minutes on the treadmill but it just doesn’t happen cause I have a kid. Other moms do it I know but Liam isn’t at that age where he can play with other kids without supervision. I know I can always get a babysitter to watch him while I work out but I don’t want to spend 50 dollars a week for that.

What I’m really getting at is, you can try to be a little more sensitive and understanding before you open you big fat mouth. I know you get hurt when people say things about you so you should know better. Yes, you can comment about my weight but please do it in a more loving way. Don’t make me feel aweful about myself. I was doing really well before you opened your mouth. I was starting to feel good about myself and my body. I was starting to accept the changes my body when through. I was starting to wear clothes I wanted just because they made me feel great. I was staring to be okay. Now, I’m back to not wanting to be seen by people because I’m afraid of how I look to them.

Some will say, why not just take what she said as motivation. Well, you’re right. I am taking it as motivation but I just needed to get my feelings off my chest.