As many others on this board I am also related royalty and have known the horror of tracing family trees althought his was back in the stone age when all family records were kept at Somerset House and due to the royal houses of Europe acting like its a big game of musical chairs it turns out I have a link to no less than 6 different thrones.Cool but no thick wads of cash to go with it as some Hungarian countess decided to do a runner with a sailor and spawn my blighted branch.But I digress.My first real contact with royals came from the wedding of Charles (jug eared hippy) to Diana (neurotic and self obsessed slapper). Now my aunty lives out in the sticks in some posh village and one of her neighbours is a friend of Earl Spencer (father of said slapper) and so everyone in the village got a chunk of there wedding cake. Now apparently thats not unusual as the cake itself was huge and bits were sent to anyone who had ever wiped a royal backside etc. but me an 8 year old with an attitude this was pretty neat. The cake was slit up and each member of our family got a tiny bit to eat so I reckon i'm pretty unique on here as the only person to have eaten the royal cake that we peasants are supposed to munch our way through.Now let me tell you that cake was absolutly ...

SHITE!!!!!

Honestly soreen malt loaf would have been better. I've never eaten such a bland tastless collection of bat droppings in my life and my deflated disgust at this turned me republican overnight. From that day it became my mission to repay the royal family for making me eat SHIT CAKE!

Spin time on a few years and I was at the paradise that was Alton Towers waiting for a ride on the enterprise when who should pop out the woodwork but the royal slapper with inbred progeny in tow. Well does she have to have to wait for an hour behind a stinking drunk Brummie to get 30 seconds of joy? Noooooooooo you just come right on in your royal legspreadersness and never mind the line. well here was my chance and with all the anti royal bile I had been saving up I let rip an almighty "F*CKING LINE JUMPERS". I got some stern looks from her bully boys but since I was surrounded by muttering and tanked up proles who were all thinking the same thing no action was taken. So while I struck a blow for equality she ignored the incident (probably wondering if there were any carny types to nail behind a shed somewhere) but the two boys looked embarressed enough to die.