Dog's wedding favors

Tracking Dog: Duane "Dog" Chapman gave the keynote address this week at the Professional Bail Agents Convention in Vegas. It's part of a PR blitz for the third season of his A&E show, which kicks off March 21.

Dog and TV sidekick Beth Smith will marry May 20 -- in front of A&E cameras, of course. The wedding's on the Big Island, location undisclosed. "They'd kill me if I told you," said one insider.

The favors at the reception? Dog tags. But that's only because Dog's first choice, miniature handcuffs, weren't available.

Iz Fights Fur: Sir Paul McCartney and his wife Heather Mills McCartney have licensed Israel Kamakawiwoole's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." It will be used on a DVD, part of a campaign to stop the slaughter of 2 million cats and dogs a year for their fur. Stars like Elton John, Phil Collins, George Michael, Brian Wilson, Eddie Murphy, Paul Newman and Bryan Adams have all pledged their support for Mills McCartney's anti-fur campaign.

Tax Bite: Almost everyone has an idea for the new Hawaii state quarter. Here's my suggestion. The new quarter should celebrate our state's 4 percent general excise tax. It would be worth only 24 cents.

Identity Crisis: Last Tuesday, musician and author "Brother" Noland Conjugacion was having a business lunch at Che Pasta when the cocktail waitress said, "Tony C, Tony C, you're my favorite."

Noland explained that he wasn't Tony Conjugacion. "He's my bruddah."

"No lie, no lie," screamed the waitress in the middle of the crowded restaurant. "You're him." She fetched a napkin and a pen -- and Noland gave her an autograph. His own.

Food, Glorious Food: Joan Namkoong, who started the Farmers Markets at Kapiolani Community College, Kailua and Mililani, takes off tomorrow for Paris. To see Rungis, the 800-acre wholesale food market that supplies the city with fresh meat, fish, produce and cheeses.

Why get up at 5 a.m. on a freezing Paris morning to see a market where you can't buy anything unless you're a restaurateur or retailer? "Because I'm a foodie," explains Namkoong. "Besides, I'll be OK. I'm packing my long johns."

On Display: Last Wednesday the Academy of Arts previewed its new exhibit of artifacts collected by Capt. James Cook. The 350 objects are on public view for the first time, after being locked away in a German university for 224 years.

The line to get in the preview ran across the lawn, down Beretania Street and round the corner. There were VIPs galore, including two princesses: Princess Abigail Kawananakoa and Princess Salote Mafile'o Pilolevu Tuita of Tonga, who toured the galleries in each other's regal company.

Royalty of another kind was internationally acclaimed artist Heike Muehlhaus, who designed the stunningly minimalist installation. She was inspired, she told me, to display the precontact artifacts as if they were expensive items in a high-end boutique -- "Each object in its own space, like in a Prada shop."

Even outside its cultural significance, it's the most beautiful installation ever at the Academy. Go see it.

New Bank: SMS Research's Hersh Singer issued a report last Thursday. The firm's research showed that for the first time in a decade there are significant changes brewing in Hawaii's financial services market.

And yet more changes are on the way. Look for an announcement of a brand-new bank sometime this week.

Where's Eddie? Eddie Sherman looked embarrassed when he donned an oversize sombrero as his wife Patti and friends sang "Happy Birthday" at a Compadres lunch. Sherman says it was his 39th, a birthday he's repeated more than 40 times.

What's the recently retired columnist up to? He's working up a plan to sell deep-sea water to companies around the globe. "Hawaii's surrounded by a floating gold mine," he says.

A Personal Goodbye: Like many in town, I'll miss Marilyn Dicus, the former spokesperson for TheBus and wife of TV-print-radio personality Howard. Marilyn died Monday after a long bout with breast cancer.

Marilyn contributed many of the funniest lines to the annual Gridiron show. She was capable of turning a news story about missing clams at the aquarium into a parody of a Paul McCartney song, "Clams on the Run."

She delivered perhaps her most memorable line while she was still working in Washington, D.C., in public affairs for the municipal transit authority.

She was showing a Washington Post reporter the transit system's vast lost-and-found room. The reporter noticed a large collection of crutches, abandoned by their owners. "Oh," said Marilyn, "those are proof our system produces miracles."

The quote made the paper and stuck with her for life. Which was too short. "I can't think of anyone who'd have made better use of another 20 or 30 years," says Howard.

John Heckathorn's radio show, Heckathorn's Hot Plate, broadcasts 12-1 p.m. Mon.-Thurs. and 1-2 p.m. Fri on SportsRadio 1420 and repeats on 1080AM 6-7 p.m. He can be reached at heck@sportsradio1420.com.