The thoughts and musings of an introverted misanthrope who is seeking truth about life and what lies beyond it.

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My Fellow INFJs, You Are Perfect As You Are

I promote the ideas of self-love and self-acceptance for anyone, no matter their personality type, but I’m especially writing this post for the INFJs who feel like lonely outsiders.

I haven’t posted on this blog in months, but because I still receive comments from other INFJs who confess that they’re feeling lonely, out of place, and misunderstood, I decided I would like to share a few thoughts and ideas.

In countless places, I’ve read that INFJs are old souls. Have you often felt like an old geezer when you’re around a group of people your own age? Do you worry that you’re too serious, too mature, or too intellectual/philosophical for the average person? I probably started having feelings like that in childhood, but they became more pronounced as a teenager. Unfortunately, I lacked a lot of self-acceptance until my late teens, when I finally stopped trying to fit in and embraced lonerhood instead.

The thing is, whether you feel too mature, too emotional, too sensitive, too strange, or too much of anything that keeps you feeling isolated, there is nothing wrong with you. The truth is, you simply are not a good fit for many people, and many people are not a good fit for you. This doesn’t mean anyone needs to start adopting feelings of superiority or inferiority, though. We may not want to spend a lot of time around someone who has completely different values and interests from our own, but this does not mean that we can’t love and respect that person as they are.

Yesterday on facebook, I came across this excerpt from Rebecca Campbell’s book Light Is the New Black that offers a positive, empowering message of self-acceptance:The following quote from Aletheia Luna (from lonerwolf.com) about old souls could possibly apply to how most INFJs feel:

Here’s a little something else. I recently took the personality quiz Which Jung archetype best describes you?, and my result was “the sage.” I felt that this description fit my personality so well and thought other INFJs might relate to it. Here were my results:

You’re the sage! According to Carl Jung, the sage represents wisdom and the search for truth. You are wise beyond your years, patient and a deep thinker. You’re driven by a thirst for knowledge. One of your greatest fears is being ignorant, misled, or duped. You’re incredibly intelligent but you risk over analyzing until you’re incapable of actually making a decision. You’re an old soul and wise beyond your years, but Jung would tell you don’t get lost in the clouds!

Lastly, from this webpage titled INFJ Personality Type: Lover of Wisdom & Beauty, INFJs were described as “feeling like aliens in the world….The fact is that many INFJs (and INTJs) seem to experience the world and their bodies quite differently than other types do. It is therefore not uncommon for INFJs to question their own sanity.” There were so many nuggets of truth found in that article, so it is worth checking out if you want to understand more about INFJs. Here is another excellent section from it that helps explain INFJ loneliness:

Like the INFP personality type, INFJs can struggle with depression. This may stem from feeling chronically unheard, useless, or misunderstood, as well as from dissatisfaction with the INFJ’s careers or the INFJ’s relationships. Because Ni perceives the world so differently and profoundly, INFJs often experience a sense of loneliness and isolation, even when they are with other people. Depression may also arise from feeling that their ideals and insights are not being recognized or actualized in the world. They may see the world as deaf to, or unconcerned with, the truths they espouse. INFJs may therefore question their value in a world that seems indifferent to their insights.

My lovelies, whether you’re an INFJ or not, your individual perspective matters and needs to be heard. No, it won’t be understood, respected, or appreciated by everyone. For example, your values might include compassion, harmony, love, and altruism, but the truth is, some people are currently disconnected from their heart. They will continue spewing their hate and reject or ridicule your kindness. If you frequently receive negative reactions when you share your truth, it is time to find a different crowd. It’s not wise to take things like that personally, but it is a wise decision to find those who see the truth in your words and who help foster your growth.

Shine your glorious, brilliant light with courage, and you just might attract wonderful things. Go find what works for you. To hell with fitting in in this modern world if it doesn’t suit you and your ideals. Just by being your beautiful self and sticking by your values, you can help shift things into a beautiful, new direction. It may feel like we live in a society that has no place for the sage or the old soul, but you have a purpose. Forget the notion that you must conform or that “you must face reality,” as some might say. Be courageous, find your people, and create your own reality. As Richard Bartlett said, “You are a swirling vortex of limitless potential who is here to shake things up and create something new that the universe has never seen.”

Do you recognize your perfection? What do you feel inspired to create?

Wow that was one fast writing! A beautiful post filled with insight, understanding, and hope (as previously mentioned)!! I just love the way you write and portray situations and feelings. It is direct, emotional, rational, realistic and idealistic at the same time. I am glad I came across your articles and our exchanges the last couple of days were a breath of fresh air and made me see things from a new perspective. A less cynical and melancholical one and in a more optimistic light! And once you change your mindset ,things start moving in a different direction than you first thought. I am sure of it. We only have one life so we might as well live the hell out it!! Free of unnecessary insecurities and fears and full of hope, courage, love and ambition in order to fulfil our dreams! I wish you the greatest of luck in your future endeavours! 🙂 your faraway ‘internet friend’ from Greece (in case you got confused by the different address)

Thank you, Maria 🙂 I’m really glad to hear you’ve experienced a positive shift in your outlook recently! I think it’s understandable, though, to have those moments of feeling frustrated and cynical due to the challenge of finding like-minded people who understand and appreciate us as we are. I doubt it’s easy for most people to find true friends, but as you know from your own experience, it’s way more challenging for some of us than it is for others. Maybe when the negative thoughts start entering our mind, it will help to remind ourselves that there are other people on this planet that are in a similar situation with similar thoughts and feelings. It may feel as if we’re all alone, but we’re not. Sometimes we may be separated by miles and miles and even an ocean from our kindred spirits, but they’re out there. It’s a comfort to know that, isn’t it? 🙂

I have just found your blog, I look forward to finding the time to read more!
I am an old soul and I have been since I was a baby (according to my dad!!)
Sceptical and untrusting as a child and teenager as I was subject of bullying by a sociopathic extending family member for many years, I had very few friends. It’s taken years, but I have finally found a bit of self-love. I don’t ever apologise for who I am anymore. I have found some confidence and I plan on use it to make myself a better person so that I can make a difference!
I like being quirky, and when I found myself liking ‘me’ more – I found more people to connect with because I’m not pretending to be someone that I’m not 🙂

I’m so glad to hear you’ve embraced self-love 🙂 It is the absolute first step toward helping others and making a difference in the world. Imagine how drastically different the world might be if everyone discovered self-love. I’m obviously not referring to the narcissistic, self-interested obsession that causes people to disregard the needs and feelings of others. We already have enough of that kind of selfishness on this planet. But you know, imagine if we all embraced and courageously expressed all aspects of ourselves in such a way that made it much easier to connect with more people because we were no longer hiding away parts of ourselves that others understand and can relate to. Sadly, all the hiding away and mask wearing isn’t necessarily leading to more social acceptance. I think it just creates more isolation and disconnection from each other.
Keep being your quirky self. You can’t please all people, but I know there are some who love you exactly as you are 🙂

This is absolutely true! For years now I have tried to form into someone that I wished I could’ve been, but it’s caused me more sadness and anxiety and many set backs in my life. I miss working and being involved into my spiritual life and creating bonds within my church. I will be involving in things that I enjoy the most and being around like minded people.

Hi Mindy, thank you for commenting. I went through a similar experience during my teen years where I tried to conform and fought hard against being my true self, but it didn’t take long before I became really disappointed with myself. I’m so glad to hear you’re getting back in touch with yourself and with what matters to you. Shine that beautiful, unique light of yours! Not only will you find it easier to love yourself by doing so, but you’re sure to inspire those who feel afraid to be themselves.

I saved this page on my Bookmark bar about a year and a half ago because I knew I would frequently visit when sad or moody. Thank you for such inspiring and helpful words. I am an INFJ and it’s hard when nobody sees what you see. I always try my best though and I keep going no matter what happens.

Hi Dakota, I know it’s hard sometimes to be this way and to feel so alone/different. I go through periods where I feel intensely frustrated about having this personality type. Reading comments from all you INFJs help me in return when I feel sad and moody. Thank you for the kind words. That’s right, keep on keeping on!

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I created this blog to share my innermost thoughts and experiences as an INFJ conspiracy theorist loner, and I hope that I will be able to reach some like-minded souls in the process. If you think outside the box, are an introvert or sensitive soul, and are fascinated by topics such as spirituality and psychology, maybe you have ended up at the right place. Some people believe that there is no such thing as a coincidence. With that idea in mind, perhaps you have stumbled upon my blog for a reason. I hope that you will enjoy what you find here or are able to gain something from it.

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