Your ‘sister’ toilet might be in Burundi, or in space. But not in Kabul.

I travel often to area communities, and clean restrooms are a priority. In the old days, I’d arrive in a town and look for the first pay phone and the first clean restroom candidate, which would usually be in City Hall, the Chamber of Commerce or the public library.

Armed with a cellphone, however, my initial two targets upon arrival in town are free Wi-Fi and a clean toilet. Since most public libraries have Web access, life is simpler.

Don’t downplay the importance of clean, acceptable toilets. They are important to everyone except little babies, who poop with impunity. Getting down to the business of doing your business is important.

The developing nation doesn’t have a lot of toilets, so the two groups want Brits to donate 60GBP (or $100.20) to sponsor a toilet in that African nation. Lack of sanitation is a huge issue in the developing world, and the lack of it leads to all manner of disease.

It’s like a “sister city” program, except with toilets.

As part of this project, the groups say, the family will get a new toilet and instructions on how to use it.

I’m not trying to be difficult, but I’m unclear on that last part. Regardless of your gender or the act in question, using the toilet is pretty much a “point and shoot” deal, isn’t it? I’m betting those instructions go pretty quickly, and I pray there won’t be class projects or live demonstrations.

Well, it’s bad in Burundi, but it’s worse in Afghanistan.

IEDs aren’t the only roadside hazards in AfghanistanAfghanistan has always been the world’s Badlands. The Soviets couldn’t whip it into shape and we’re not having much luck, either. It took Alexander the Great three years to subdue the place, and he was great.

Right about now, Afghanistan could use less heroin, more peace, fewer Taliban, more law and, most importantly, more public toilets.

Kabul’s populations is somewhere between 4-5 million. But there are only 35 public toilets for the entire city. That’s a long line. So millions don’t use them. That means that watching your step every time you leave your shack. Guns and bombs can kill you, but stepping where someone just pooped is just gross.

Wait. It gets worse. Even if you get into one of the public toilets, you have to pay to use it, the bathroom is going to be filthy, it might be sans paper, and then there’s no soap or water to clean up afterward.

This is just another one of those Afghanistan deals that can’t be fixed. If Alexander the Great came here today, he might be able to subdue the country in three years, but he’s still have to watch where he walked and he’d probably have to make in the bushes like everyone else.

While Afghanistan and Burundi struggle with getting more toilet facilities, the developed nations of the world are on top of the toilet situation. In fact, toilet is a growth industry.

“This is excellent news for Leicester economy,” said Martin Traynor, managing director of Leicestershire Chamber of Commerce and it’s also good news for patriotic Brits who want independence from Teutonic toilet tyranny.

From pot-able to potableMeanwhile, in the USA, the world’s ‘s richest nation, we’re sending toilets into space.

The next guy to use the can discovered the man sleeping with the turds. A rescue was mounted and the man was rushed to the hospital in Hohhot. He was uninjured and remembered nothing, but was probably very grossed out when he was told what happened.(Later today: Toilets + billboards + home decor = ?)

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