What is Abuse?

No one deserves abuse. Abuse comes in many different forms, and some people experience one specific form of abuse, while others experience multiple and overlapping types of abuse.

When someone is abusive, they have a need for power and control over you. Abusers’ actions are not okay. Sometimes abusers blame their behavior on alcohol, drugs, stress, or on things that you have done. This is wrong.

Our culture has normalized abusive behavior, and many people think it is the victim or survivor’s fault. This is not true. Abusers are responsible for their decisions and their behaviors, not you. When people talk about Domestic Violence (DV), they mean abuse that happens between people who are in an intimate relationship. DV is a pattern of behavior that occurs repeatedly in a cycle, as shown here:

Different Types of Abuse

Emotional

Insults, put-downs, talking “down” to you

Using your identity/identities to shame you (example: “Your Deaf parents are horrible. They didn’t raise you right. Your English is lousy. You’re so stupid.”)

Embarrassing you in public

Making threats (verbally, or by using expressions, or by displaying weapons)

Digital

Posting cruel messages about you, or private pictures of you, on social media sites

Harassing/stalking you via email, text, or private messages on social media sites

Texting you constantly to see where you are, who you’re with, and questioning you all the time

Sexual

Unwanted sexual attention or touching

Vulgar comments to you

Pressuring you for sex

Having sex with you without your enthusiastic consent (rape) – this includes if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol

Forcing you to have unprotected sex

Forcing you to get pregnant or to have an abortion

Forcing you to have sex with other people or to watch them have sex with someone else

Forcing you to use or participate in pornography

It can be helpful to look at this Power & Control Wheel, and use it as a checklist. If you are experiencing anything that is written on the wheel, it may be a sign that you are in an abusive relationship. Please consider seeking out help from a DOVE advocate, or from other support systems.