i could see the lights below. the helicopter was fast, but noisy.we landed via the ropes from the helicopter. i was leading a group of six.

it was an ice skating rink. i entered, nobody tried to stop me. i was armed with a pistol only, but the others had g36c assault rifles very visibly displayed. the local police and security services were notified of our arrival. we were to find 3 people from my list of 7. it seemed to be a family. they all had the same last name.

we entered the ice skating rink. one of the men stayed at the entrance gate to the ice. we all marched right to the center. the music stopped. people stopped. when i stopped at the center of it, and looked at my piece of paper, everybody went silent. 5 people in full military clothes, armed to the teeth.

i read the first name in the list. it was a man of around 32, maybe 34. he started walking towards me, with tears in his eyes.

i looked at the man again, and then looked at the paper again. he knew. he was looking at me, scared and begging silently.

i read the second name. it was a womans name.she was already walking towards me when i looked up from the paper.

"on your knees please, ma'am." she kneeled next to her husband, i suppose."it's her, sir."

they were both on their knees. she started sobbing, he was crying silently.they both knew what was coming.

i read the third name. it was a woman's name. no. no. it was a girl's name.

when i read her name, the man and the woman both tried to jump off the ground, but were held down by the soldiers.a little 6 or 7 year old girl was standing in a crowd of girls. all but one moved away, when soldiers started walking towards them.they brought her to me.

"what's your name little girl."she said nothing."what is your name. you can tell me.""are you emily?"she nodded."we have them all", said the soldier.

i replied, "yeah."

i made a phone call. a satellite call through iridium 8817_sat.

"sir, i have them all. how would you like them delivered?""their bodies will be cleared by the local secret service.""sir?""you heard me.""we have a 6 year old girl as well.""their bodies will be cleared by local security service. take some pictures before you leave.""sir?""that is all.""yes, sir."

people started crying. not just the three in front of me, everyone in the ice skating rink.

i fired my pistol 6 times, and said only, "take some pictures", before walking away.

This is incredibly powerful and I really could visualise what was happening each step of the way. Which maybe isn't all a good thing!

The first thing I noticed was your lack of capitals...usually I moan about it, but this time it took a harsh edge off the whole piece. It seemed to me that your lines and the story you were telling were hard enough without the added punctuation - if that makes sense.

I like that the technicalities are in here - the iridium 8817_sat and the g36c rifles. It shows that you either have experienced a world where this type of equipment is normal or that you've researched or gained knowledge somewhere along the way.

One small picky bit - 'that it all.' I don't know, but maybe you meant that is all? My brain stuck a while on that line trying to make it fit because the rest of the piece was perfect in its own way.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article.

I'd do a critique, but I wouldn't want you to feel like I was blowin' smoke up your ass This is one of the best things I've ever read. Completely different from anything I've ever read b4 on DA. Thank you so much for posting on my page, this is the first thing I read I am blown away, I felt like I was there. I'm a huge COD fan, and my buddy Jerry is REALLY into all that. He wanted to join, he might... The title is perfect, very deep, emotional, and your thoughts are very organized on paper The end is mind shattering, it really hit me hard. LOL, made me burn my eggs!! I thought they were short writings, went to click on this... Couldn't stop reading, gf yelled at me said eggs were burnin' Never been so pumped up while cooking eggs hahaha, couldn't wait to get back and read the rest!!! So glad I found your page, can't wait to go through everything when I have more time... Peace bro! Very nice meeting you, I'm Matt btw... Matt Burns, feel free to FB add me anytime, My pic is me standing next to a HUGE bonfire to my left I'm wearing a brown bandana.. am tall... Peace.. P.S. my entire right wrist is almost numb .... lol had to stop typing.. am typing so slow... very excited to come back and see more! Peace B.

So, here we go. I read this serie several times so I get it all in my head as a whole and don't let any detail escape. This is an entirely different genre of writing than my own but i am such a sucker for swat-like stories

About this first part. I really cant point out flaws in it to tell you the truth. I liked the fact that you enter right in the middle of all the action, which is very fast and mechanical, just like soldiers are trained to be. Feels just like a movie. I also liked some details you added that make the story more authentic:

"i was armed with a pistol only, but the others had g36c assault rifles very visibly displayed."
"soldier handed me the man's id card"
"i made a phone call. a satellite call through iridium 8817_sat."
"i fired my pistol 6 times" (one in the head, one in the chest. safety first huh? hehe)

Good work! Plus the ending makes the reader crave for more, to know what happens next

I know i've already commented on one of the other in the series but i though i'd point out a few things in this one.

Where you say "5 people in full military clothes, armed to the teeth." you mentioned 6 military personel before and said that two stayed at the entrance to the rink so im not quite sure where the group of 5 is if there are 4 on the ice and 2 at the entrance.

Another part is the id cards you mention. Maybe there could be some mention of how the first one is attained off the man because at the moment it seems like the soldier draws it out of thin air.

Hope this helps you in some way, other than that i think this is really well written and im looking forward to the 5th installment of the series