In the history of the world, there is no recorded evidence that the question, “Don’t you know who I am?” opened any doors or extricated anyone from trouble.

If you’re asking that question, then, no, people either don’t know who you are, don’t care, or already despise you.

So even though I’ve written for azcentral and the Arizona Republic’s sports pages since I had hair and no kids, I’m not going to assume you know me now that the hair is gone and the three kids are out of the house.

At least I think the kids are out of the house. I haven’t checked their old rooms this morning.

In my last 30 or so annual reviews at work, I gave the same answer when asked about career goals:

"Sports columnist."

I become one this week. I’ve moved from the Cardinals beat, which I’ve covered for the last 20 years or so, to a columnist gig for the Republic/azcentral.com.

It’s either a lesson in perseverance and stubbornness, or maybe to be careful what you wish for.

I’ve been lucky. I started here as a part-timer in sports, covering high schools and community sports. After a year, a full-time writer decided to sell insurance and I moved into his spot. The least I could do was hire him as my agent for a few years.

I moved from covering high schools to junior colleges to Northern Arizona University to ASU basketball to ASU football, to the Cardinals, to sports features and investigative writer, and then back to the Cardinals.

I was there in 1993 when Jake Plummer took his first snap as Arizona State’s quarterback.

Asked about the experience after the game, a wide-eyed Plummer replied: “Those guys hit hard.”

He smiled as he said it, like he enjoyed getting hit, providing a hint there was something different about this kid.

I was there in 1993 when the Suns lost to the Bulls in the NBA Finals.

I was there in 1994 when Buddy Ryan became coach and general manager of the Cardinals and announced, "You've got a winner in town.”

Turns out, we didn’t. But we did have one of the NFL’s last true characters.

Before almost every practice, Cardinals beat writers would meet on the field with Ryan, who usually twirled his whistle around a finger as he talked. First one way, then the other.

More than once, Ryan told a writer, “You know, that story of yours this morning was bulls--t.”

Then, he would move on to another subject, no grudges held.

I was there in 2004, when the Cardinals hired Dennis Green as head coach. When asked what made him think he could turn around one of the NFL’s worst franchises, Green pointed to his winning percentage on a chart.

He went on to compare his offense to a high-speed helicopter and his disciplinary philosophy to that of his daughter’s kindergarten teacher.

I was there in 2008 when the Cardinals made an improbable run to the Super Bowl and came within a couple toenails of winning.

(I know, a lot of you think Santonio Holmes didn’t get both feet down.)

I’ve at least dabbled in covering almost every major sport played in Arizona, but I’ve also enjoyed telling the stories of people who weren't celebrities.

Like Japanese-Americans building a baseball field in an internment camp south of Phoenix during WWII.

Like Glendale Community College winning a national football championship.

Like Grand Canyon winning an NAIA national basketball championship under a coach named Paul Westphal.

Over the last week or so, a few people have told me that it’s a great time to become a columnist here because so much is happening.

The Suns, Cardinals and the two major college football programs in the state have new coaches. The Suns had the No. 1 pick in the draft this summer. The Coyotes are on the verge of being relevant. The Diamondbacks continue to be an intriguing story.

They’re right, of course. There has been a lot of change this year. There are a lot of stories to tell.

But it’s also true that there has never been a bad time to be a columnist in Arizona, at least not in the 33 years I’ve lived here.

I’m excited and a bit nervous, even though I’ve written about sports since college, when I was enticed to join the school newspaper by a few easy credits and a couple of pretty girls on the staff.

I ended up marrying one of them, so the decision worked out on a couple fronts.

I told a writer friend about the nervousness, and he texted with four goals a sport columnist should have:

1. Cut through the BS.

2. See forests, not trees.

3. Be willing to tell the emperor he’s actually naked.

4. Make people laugh.

It will be a fun ride trying to meet that standard. I hope you follow along, and if you have any ideas for a new career goal come annual review time, I’m listening.