My ex-boyfriend FB friended my sister????

WTH?? My ex-boyfriend, who I dated about 4.5 years, we broke up in 1997, sent a facebook friend request to my sister. I don't know if thats worse or the fact that she accepted it!

I sent her a joking mssg like 'Whyyyy, oh Whyyy did you become FB friends with XXX??? How could you do that to me??? ROFL!!!!' She writes back and says he sent her a request (like 2-3 days ago), she thought it was odd but just accepted it.

Thanks alot. So now he can see anything I post. I'm sure thats the exact reason he did it, or to show up as my sisters friend so I would see it and his post. Geez!!!

This freak literally stalked me for a over a year after we broke up. Wacko letters. He said that since we had talked about marriage in front of other people, had preformed the act of consummation of marriage, according to the Bible we were married. So my new marriage to (current) DH was not valid in God's eyes. He would sent letters to my parents house, addressed to 'THE ADULTERESS'. To my parents house!!

I still have them, I should scan them, put them on facebook and let them be visible to EVERYONE!!

My sister still lives in my hometown, he does too, she is an elementary school librarian, he's a HS teacher, at first I thought they still ran into each other, but it really ticks me off that she accepted his invite when she thought it was 'odd'.

He's married, has a daughter 1 month younger than my boys (his settings aren't on private) and just had a baby boy. I just don't understand why he did it, we broke up 12 freaking year ago, if he wanted to ask me anything he could send me a mssg.

He even somehow has my email address. When my mother passed away 11-08 he sent an email in Dec that only said 'My wife and I send our regrets'. I was really hurting, and that stung so much. He knew my mother. Thats all he could say??? I replied back and totally ripped him a new one, like a page long, well, maybe thats why he wouldn't send me a mssg on FB, lol!! What stung so much about that email about my mothers death was it was so sterile, he could have sent something just from him that had at least 2 sentences, his wife did not know my mother, and if he wanted to include his wife, put her freaking name!!! To me it was more disrespectful that he excluded it, if that makes sense.

I will be honest and say I've wondered about him and how he's doing, the last time I had talked to him was 2001 I think. I'm not innocent because I found out what school he worked at (my other sister told me) and each staff member had their own page, thats how I found out he finally got married and had a DD. I was really happy for him. In my defense, I only looked once.

I just think the way he did the facebook thing was sneaky, I guess 'shady' is the new slang . I checked, he and my sister don't have any mutual friends.

There's my bitch. I sent him a friend request just to aggravate him

I wonder what his wife will think if she sees it before he does....

SamanthaTwin Boys - 11/20/05
N. and J. - My heart and hands are full!

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.Hemingway

Whoa, that is really weird! I'd be annoyed if my sister had accepted a friend request knowing that history. Plus, if he's that obsessive/psycho back then, I would actually change your profile settings to 1) block his access to your photos 2) block his access to your wall posts and status updates and 3) DEFINITELY block his access to info. You can either specifically exclude him from everything or just limit all your info to ONLY FRIENDS (this assumes he doesn't accept your friend request).

If he does accept your friend request, you should still consider definitely excluding him. I reluctantly accepted a friend request from my old PSYCHO boss but excluded her from seeing anything but my Profile photo and lists of other friends. To her, my FB page was just blank as if I didn't use the site.

Ack!! I know there are ways you can keep him from seeing any of your stuff. unfortunately I'm not savvy enough to know exactly how. I think it has something to do with your settings and and what you do when you post pics and such.

If he does accept your friend request, you can put him into the "Limited profile" list or make a specific list for undesirables like him and determine exactly what he can see on your FB page.

If he doesn't accept the request, you can change your settings so that only friends can see your details. So even if he can access your sisters FB page, he won't see anything but your name and profile picture on her friend list, with no access to your profile page.

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- George Carlan

OMG ... run away. Seriously. Ask your sister to delete him as a friend and then take your friend request back (I believe you can do that). And then block him and his wife, if you know who she is (because he could always look you up on her account, KWIM?).

One of my first boyfriends ever sent me a friend request last year when I was a FB newbie. I thought it was odd too, told DH about it and DH said he didn't care if I was "friends" with him, but there would be no face-to-face contact that he would tolerate. I admit that I got drawn in ... he was my first in almost everything (except the "big" thing, IYKWM) and we sat up late at night to chat (DH knew, but his wife did not). I found out their marriage was very rocky, both had cheated on each other, he was very lonely because he was a homebody and his wife goes out clubbing all the time (maybe you shouldn't have gotten married at 18/19 years old), and he was just way too interested in my life. He was really sweet in the beginning and would send me messages like, "Today's so beautiful out, make sure you go outside and enjoy the sun and play with your boy." Things QUICKLY got out of control and by the end, I was looking over my shoulder everywhere. He knew exactly where we live (he knows my DH and I was unaware until I started having the problems with him that DH and he hated each other) because my phone number is listed, so we're in the phone book. He told me one day that he was looking for a blue minivan when he drove by a new park that I took my son to ... that was the end. I HAVE a blue minivan and how the HELL did he know what park I was at?? Yeah, freaky. I stopped all communication, deleted him as a friend (strangely enough, around the same time his wife sent my DH a friend request ... my DH, me and the ex's wife were all in the same graduating class at the same HS, the ex was a year ahead at the same school, so we all know each other). DH knew everything (I have to admit that I was mad that he didn't tell me about the bad blood (which was over DH's younger sister) from the beginning) and was ready to confront him. I talked him down because I didn't want to egg the ex on. Then I started getting late night cell phone calls from an unknown phone number and weird, off the wall texts (for a short period of time, I had my cell phone number listed on my FB profile; newbie mistake/stupidity ... now my FB account is on pretty much max privacy). It's been about 6-7 months since I've talked to him last and I'm still getting weird texts and calls (much more sporadically now) and I am STILL looking over my shoulder. I have him, his wife and his two kids blocked from even seeing me on FB now. Totally creeped out. Trust me, let the past stay in the past. It's so not worth it.

[QUOTE] There's my bitch. I sent him a friend request just to aggravate him [QUOTE]

I'll be honest, why on Earth would you friend him just to "aggravate him"? First you say, "So now he can see anything I post. I'm sure thats the exact reason he did it, or to show up as my sisters friend so I would see it and his post. Geez!!!" Then you say that YOU friended HIM? It just doesn't make sense to me. I'm guessing that your sister accepted the request b/c it's been so many years since your drama with him(and yes, I do think he acted irrationally back then!Yikes!). Is it possible that your initial instinct was to be a little jealous that he "friended" your sister and not you? I'm really not trying to be confrontational, just keepin' it real. At this point, he sounds like he's moved on with his life as have you. I'd leave it at that and maybe use the FB security tools to limit the info he can see about you.

~Leslie

Ryan 8/00
Matthew 2/03

"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation.It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path."~ Paulo Coelho

Samantha, you DIDN'T!!!!! Naughty girl! (though I admit to a bit of giggling over here...I can see that it must have been a bit satisfying to poke at him) Seriously though, I don't think in your heart you really want to start anything up with this nut. Even if it is just to twist his nose a bit in return for him friending your sister, he sounds obsessed enough to be dangerous.

I didn't understand about poking until DH and I talked about it today, he does his ex-wife sometimes, I should have done that. To let you all know, he denied my request, I knew he would . His wife is his friend and I don't think that would go over very well. When we dated he had all these rules I had to follow, I couldn't be friends with anyone single, if a group of us went out to lunch at work, I couldn't go if a guy was going (I did, just never told him, lol), lots of stupid things like that. He had my mind so warped.

I have all my settings (like my pics, etc) where only friends can see them. I really don't care if he sees any pics of my kids, I just don't know if he can see my Wall thru my sisters. I honestly don't care anymore.

As for feelings I still have for him...alot of unresolved anger for the way he manipulated me. He did it slow and carefully, he knew what he was doing. He seemed like he has this real sensitive side but it was more like a self-absorbed self-pity of all the sad things that had happened in his life. Nothing abnormal, his parents divorced, he didn't speak to his mother, (she 'betrayed' him by getting remarried-her old HS sweetheart, I thought it was sweet!), for 3+ years, I was the one who got their relationship back on, going great, and him accepting her new DH. I've never gotten 'closure' on the relationship and the crap he put me thru afterwards, kwim?

I did deeply care about him at one time, I wouldn't say it was a deep true love. Over time he killed any *good* feelings I had toward him. He slowly pounded me down with his words, I wasn't a strong person, he had me truly convinced no other man would want/put up with me, I should be so thankful that he does and so thankful to God for his love. I was in the mode of always trying to please him and get his approval.

I did smarten up, I got to the point where I would rather be alone than with him, aprx. the last 9-10 months of the relationship. I heard a quote on TV the other night, something like ' the relationship is over long before it ended', that describes it. I worked full time at a bank and took 2 college classes at night, you couldn't get financial aid being a part time student, I paid for them myself and still lived with my parents.

There was no just breaking up, if I ever tried to talk about issues he argued me down, talking in circles, it just wasn't worth it. He would always throw out the 'I'd die without you' card. . I hated hurting him, but I knew I had to get away.

So I started a plan to literally run away to another city, hours away. I knew I couldn't even tell my mother, she would tell him. I started saving up what I could, I knew I'd have to pay for an apartment. My first choice is ironically where I live 45 min from now. This was before internet and banks wouldn't talk to me much over the phone, it was hard to find an excuse to drive there for interviews because he knew my every. single. move. The bank I was working at I was in the mortgage dept, had only been there a year, things were slowing down and I was let go. I got a new job right in town that paid alot better in a week and really loved working there, it was a marble quarry, I worked in the office. My hometown has huge marble seams running under it, alot of marble from it is in many of the monuments in Washington D. C.

Thats where I met DH. I would work overtime as much as I could to avoid ex, DH and I became very good friends. I had had enough of ex by then. A girl I had befriended there asked me if I wanted to go to a club with her one weekend to go dancing. That was a huge rule breaker. I said sure! Sounded great, I just wanted to go out and have fun. I remember that Sat. afternoon when ex stood in my driveway and told me if I pulled out to go pick her up, it was OVER!. I said casually, 'Well, I guess its over...' as I backed out. I will never forget the look on his face . She and I had fun, weren't looking to meet any guys. Ex shows up at my house the next AM very serious. This is the killer, he came to scold me, but to let me know he would be able to forgive me over time. I was alot stronger then, I remember telling him I didn't know what he was going to forgive me over because there was nothing I was sorry about. There was alot more said.

Anyway, DH and I became closer and closer. He would help me with my Algebra homework and we could talk for hours and hours. Ex would still show up at my parents all the time so I had to hide out at DH's. . My mother was mad at me because she really liked ex, but seriously dude, coming to my parents every evening, having dinner with them, for 2+ months after YOU said it was over if I drove off to go dancing, I was mad I couldn't even go to my own house. I would drive by and his car would be there 95% of the time

Sorry this was so long. Sometimes I have nightmares and I am with him. In the dreams I am thinking 'OMG! OMG! Why am I with him!!! How do I get away!! Why? Why? Why am I married to him!!!'

Last edited by SammyeGail; 05-13-2010 at 06:16 PM.

SamanthaTwin Boys - 11/20/05
N. and J. - My heart and hands are full!

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.Hemingway

[QUOTE=R2sweetboys;2665243][QUOTE] There's my bitch. I sent him a friend request just to aggravate him

I'll be honest, why on Earth would you friend him just to "aggravate him"? First you say, "So now he can see anything I post. I'm sure thats the exact reason he did it, or to show up as my sisters friend so I would see it and his post. Geez!!!" Then you say that YOU friended HIM? It just doesn't make sense to me. I'm guessing that your sister accepted the request b/c it's been so many years since your drama with him(and yes, I do think he acted irrationally back then!Yikes!). Is it possible that your initial instinct was to be a little jealous that he "friended" your sister and not you? I'm really not trying to be confrontational, just keepin' it real. At this point, he sounds like he's moved on with his life as have you. I'd leave it at that and maybe use the FB security tools to limit the info he can see about you.

I wanted to say I see your point and don't find it confrontational at all. True, after I saw it I might have felt a bit miffed or snubbed, or like that he could have sent me a mssg to say 'hi, how are you' or something. I can admit now it brought out feelings in me. I want to ask him why he treated me the way he did. I wish he would say he learned from that and that he's sorry. I do have issues of still 'never being good enough' that are affecting DH and I's marriage currently, I have alot of health issues I am trying to get thru. I get migraines alot and everytime I get one I can hear ex saying 'No other guy out there would ever be able to tolerate your migraines like I do' and I feel soooo guilty. I am constantly beating myself up inside because I can't do what I used to, DH has to do so much more around the house. I have been to so much therapy in my life, lol, but I guess that mindset is still embedded in my sub-conscience somewhere, if that makes sense.

I agree that he and I have both moved on with our lives, but he searched out my maiden name, thats how he found my sister, I triple checked, they have no mutual friends. She just went thru a horrid divorce, 21 years of marriage to her HS sweetheart who got on meth while waiting on a great job to land in his lap and became abusive. Its not like I would accept a friend request from him, ever. I'm sure ex couldn't find me because I live in another state unless I mentioned it in the reply email after his sterile one about my mothers death.

Ugh, sorry to ramble again!!

SamanthaTwin Boys - 11/20/05
N. and J. - My heart and hands are full!

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.Hemingway

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