Friday, December 16, 2005

THE HULK SMASH CONSTITUTION RIGHTS!!!

An old army buddy sent me the latest Marvel/Military crossover comic book that’s printed in what I'm guessing is a claimed effort to boost morale for the troops and their kids. (Though, it serves more as a poor branding tool for terrible movies like Electra and Daredevil, with giant DVD ads semi-glossed throughout.) The "story" involves the Avengers taking on a generic "fundamentalist" equipped with some sort of crappy EMP weapon for destroying America, all the while delivering good cheer and encouragement to the deployed armed services.

Perhaps Marvel didn't want to waste a premiere villain because this guy is of the Paste Pot Pete caliber. He is penned as generally hating the “American way” without identifying any specific belief system and the drawings don't give any hint to his ethnicity or national background. (He looks like a Major Bludd/Dr Mindbender combination) He just hates America. Yes, yes we all hates it. Stupid, fat America.

I couldn't tell if lines like "When I am finished with you maggot, I will go the heartland and ravage its fruit" or I'll be "riding the black spear of retribution aimed at your morally bankrupt country" were to be taken as serious writing or so over the top that they divorce author from any accusations of stereotyping. There are also threats against mothers and grandmothers thrown around, just in case the other insults prove too sophisticated.

Anyway, I've written way more about this comic than it deserves. In the end, Captain America takes out the guy with a single punch and all of his henchman gnash their teeth or return to their caves or whatever is least offensive. The unnamed villain is turned over to S.H.I.E.L.D, the comic version of the CIA, who perform an extraordinary rendition to a secret prison in an unknown country and torture him mercilessly.

I wish I could say I was kidding about that last part, but sure enough, the last page shows the guy getting locked up in one of those black site prisons the Post was going on about a few weeks back. Nick Fury walks away as the place is destroyed, jokingly asking the other spooks if they fell like helping him out.

Granted the guy was being torn up by the Hulk, but I can't think McCain's comic book equal would approve of that.