My husband has cheated on me repeatedly and shows no interest in changing

I have gone through 2 years of finding out my husband has been engaged in serial cheating with hookers and now on-line dating. In August, I had the evidence in hand. He used rage, blame and denial to get out of it. I told him I needed him to help us rebuild trust, but he did not even want to talk about any of the issues. Last week I found out more and confronted him again. He refuses to listen to me. I feel I should leave, I have no trust and can’t express my anger, sadness and grief.

I wonder if there is a way to reach him? I have been studying information on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and he seems to fit the pattern. No empathy, anger. It’s his way or nothing.

Is there any point in trying to reconcile it?

Response:

Research shows that many couples are able to work through infidelity and make their relationships stronger and closer in the process. However, to rebuild trust in a relationship it requires two partners working together as a team toward the same goal — to reestablish a healthy, loving relationship.

Research also shows that leaving an unhealthy relationship is often in one’s best interest. No one can make this decision for you. However, relationships work best when couples treat each other with mutual love, kindness, and respect.

In our book, Broken Trust, we outline in detail when ending a relationship is the best option. Essentially, when a partner repeatedly betrays your trust in ways that devalue you and your relationship and he or she shows no signs of remorse or attempts to repair the damage done, it might be wise to consider your options for getting out of the relationship. Also, if you feel devalued and disrespected because your partner suffers from a personality disorder and he or she refuses to seek treatment, then it’s also wise to evaluate your options.

Relationships are partnerships. Partnerships where two people are working toward the same objective — to be loving, considerate, and compassionate toward each other. If your husband refuses to work with you to address the problems in your relationship, then there is little you can do. It takes two people working together to make a relationship work and only one person behaving poorly to bring it crashing down.