4.27.2009

One of life's simplest joys is perusing womens' mags from bygone (read: antiquated) eras. Take, for instance, this delightful Cosmo fr0m the 70s.

My question is this: How did people survive 1978?! Where, oh where, do I begin?

I mentioned yesterday that decor from the 70s often looks extraordinarily dated. Case in point follows. Not even in my wildest dreams could I imagine, however, the horror apex of perfection that results when you add in a matronly lady wearing more lace than Queen Elizabeth, seducing a splayed-leg archetypal porn-star plummer. I mean, seriously, are we to believe that our lady friend has just rolled out of bed in her polyester jammies with intentions of perfecting a new painting technique that involves holding her brush like an, uh, bat, and sucking on it? This is questionable.

Moving right along, Richard Simmons doles out advice on "spending a healthy weekend with your mate." Perhaps the couple above took his advice to heart, sort of like the couple rollerskating in tube socks (but somehow, the poor things have forgotten their pants!) below. I didn't know that Richard Simmons (sans afro, below) produced stories for Cosmo. No, really. This isn't a joke. Richard Simmons is actually credited as the producer.

And hey, if healthy living isn't your thing, take tips from the starson staying svelte in "How to Stay Thin," (or, "How to Develop an Eating Disorder"). The real cherry on the cake is Geraldine Chaplin: "I tell myself food is horrible...or I think of all the romantic heroines who died of consumption." Say WHAT? Did our dear Geraldine actually believe that the heroines ate themselves to death?!! This is a frightening image. Someone, inform the girl that consumption=tuberculosis! On another note, I wonder if Babs is still avoiding cholesterol.