Flashes of insight from the Everyman. Weekly observational posts. Part comedy, part philosophy, part temper tantrum, Lightning Bug's Butt is always good for a laugh and/or a place to send your hate mail.
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12/29/2006

A "chief" by any other name is still a "champ."

...But first, a last-minute random thought: I might be stretching my neck out here, but I think Saddam Hussein would be a fun guy to hang around with.

And now for the post:

I've always loved those pre-packaged nicknames you use around the office to address other guys. For example, you shout across cubicles to your buddy at work, “What's up, chief?” Then he may reply with, “Nothing's new, sports fan. How about on your end, cool breeze?” “Nothing new here either. Stay cool, hero.” “Peace out, Rock star.”

I like generic nicknames. They transform everybody into an instant friend. They're great for when you're talking to a guy you remember liking, but you can't remember his freggin' name. That's the cool thing about nicknames: you only give them to people you like. So if somebody rolls up on you and drops a “What's shakin', Kimosabe?” on you, you know you're a friend.

I've been working on a list of new generic nicknames we can use around the office and at the local sports bar. Below is what I've come up with so far. Some nicknames have usage notes annexed:

A nuance of the nickname game is the vaguely insulting nickname. It's still a term of endearment, but it has a whiff of condescension. Reserve these for people you already know and with whom you've established a friendship:

34 comments:

I have a habit of giving people I know nicknames. It is usually a version of their real name, such as my friend George is called Georg (Gay-org). I like the ones you've come up with better. I need to call this particular friend of mine Oscar rather than Georg because he actually looks like Oscar the Grouch, the Muppet. I don't mind nicknames for me, but I would not want people to call me Thunder Thighs or Fat Ass or Butt Ugly. Tinkerbell or Drop Dead Gorgeous would be accetpable. :)Happy Holiday, Bucko!!

Now I'm thinking of approximately 12 more of those every 10 minutes (Browneye, Staplegun, Glittergloss). You can almost do it by reciting random compound words you can think of (Hipflask, Doghouse, Billboard).

My two very best friends are Bimbo and Poophead. They call me the exact same thing! We have used those names for years and we say it without even thinking about it. I may have to write a post about them now.

I have a habit of giving people I don't like nicknames so I can talk about them to others or on my blog and they won't know I'm talking about them. For example, the guy who sits in the cafeteria by himself and smiles the entire time is named, of course, "Smiles". And the girl who is stalking my friend and who looks like an elf is called "Keebler".

I have a nickname-related question: what happened to the K-(insert personalized name here)? You know, as in K-Dog, K-Joe, K-Fed?

Is it that there is a severe shortage of people who understand the delicate application of the letter "K"? Have they abused it so mightily that the nickname powers have now removed this from our verbal palate?

My ex-boss, who happened to be chief of police and an f**king tyrant, happens to be named Eugene. But somehow I can't imagine anyone calling him LL Cool Eugene. We did, however, call him Humpty Dumpty (behind his back), because he was bald and very fat (round) in the belly and had that disturbing egg shape about him.

I don't, however, recommend calling ANYONE Humpty Dumpty as a nickname...particularly anyone who carries a gun.

I worked with a guy we called Billy Idol. After getting to know him and finding out what an a-hole he was we changed his nickname to sleezebag. It was just more fitting, even though he did look EXACTLY like Billy Idol.