I wrote that last post exhausted. I hit the publish button and two minutes later I was snoozing.

The dream that followed was like nothing I ever experienced. I don’t know what to make of it, so I’m sticking it here in my blog. Hopefully one day I can make sense of it because as of now, I haven’t got a clue.

I woke up at 4am and scooped up my notebook on the shelf beside me. I was extremely tired and barely able to keep my eyes open, but I had to write it all down as best I could. I’m going to try to recreate it for my future self to decode.

The dream started off with me on my computer looking at YouTube video’s. I stumbled upon a reality TV sitcom about a hilarious family living their normal everyday lives. They were extremely likable people, and I remember laughing myself silly watching their simple day to day routine. They were a bunch of comedians. They weren’t exactly a family, but a group of people living together like in a commune. It was almost like watching MTV’s Real World, only funnier.

Me – “Oh man I wish I could meet these people. I wish I had friends like that.”

I got the feeling they were celebrities on the internet. Everyone loved these people and so I became fixated on them.

I don’t know how it happened, but next thing I know, I’m standing outside their house being greeted by them. They invited me into their home and wanted me to stay indefinitely.

They were the most amazing people I ever met, and their house was actually a ginormous mansion. The colors were so vivid – wood floors so shiny it was like a Pledge commercial. Everything was spotless and decorated to perfection. I remember this one sitting room in perticular. It had no walls, only windows over-looking the most majestic view of the valley below which consisted of lush greenery, mountainous backdrop and a river or a lake. The room also had a large antique wooden desk, also polished to perfection – on it sat a golden globe of earth. It was so picturesque – so pristine.

There was a cute man living there, two hilarious women that you wanted to keep as your best friends forever, an older gentlemen and an older woman who was an actual actress in real life, but I can’t remember who she was. She looked like the woman who played the villian in Narnia.

Anyway, I was welcomed into their family with open arms. They all truly loved me and everything couldn’t have been more spectacular until I saw a dog chained up in a small room. It made me a little uneasy seeing him there like that. I had the feeling that he’s always chained up and neglected.

I knelt down and started petting him. He wagged his little tail and started licking my face.

“Oh who’s a good boy. Ohh, goood boy.”

I shouted out to someone – “Hey why do you guys keep this dog chained up all day?”

“Just ignore him, he’s annoying.”

I looked down by his paws and saw on the floor a bunch of tiny crystal spikes. I picked one up to examine it more closely. It was a spike with four wheels attached to it, so the spike always faces upward and can be hard to topple over. It was meant for someone to step on and get hurt.

“What the hell?”

They were everywhere. Scattered all around the little chained dog. I looked at his paws and saw them bloody. Leaving a bloody streak on the nicely polished floor.

At this point I became confused. Confused as if I was on drugs. I tried standing up, but was unable to. My body wasn’t cooperating.

Then the older woman was on top of me.

“There there now don’t move, don’t worry. Everything is all right.”

Me – “What’s going on? What’s happening?”

“Shhh.”

She hushed me and started rubbing herself against me in a sexual way. Then all the rest of the commune stood by and watched. That’s when it dawned on me that I was drugged and was about to get raped.

Me thinking – “Wait, I love these people! Maybe I’ll like it.”

I felt her body up against mine and a split second later I knew for certain.

“No, no I definitely don’t like it. I don’t like it!”

I have never fought so hard in a dream before. I screamed and wailed like never before. Everything I had in me, all my reserve strength, I used it to get away. I pleaded “No please god no don’t do this. Please don’t do this NO!” I cried like a baby and looked over at the two girls that I considered my new best friends. I saw guilt in their eyes. They wanted me to escape, but showed no sign of helping me. They felt sorry for me and their eyes urged me to find my own strength to escape.

I broke free and started running for my life – like an ax murderer was out to get me. It felt as though the others let me escape – that they felt guilty for torturing me and so they backed off. But I also knew they weren’t going to let me go that easily. I ran outside in the rain. It was dark and there was a muddy hill next to the mansion. I thought that if I tumbled down that muddy hill, I can get further away from the house and get myself good and muddy to better conceal myself in the woods.

And honestly I must say that that was actually a good idea! Thinking back on it now, I have no idea how I thought of it. I was hyperventilating at that point. I never hyperventilated in my life until I experienced it in this dream. I couldn’t catch my breath, I heard myself wheezing like I had asthma. I rolled myself down the muddy hill and landed in somebody’s garden.

I saw the older man jogging down the hill after me. He was wearing overalls and looking like a farmer. I hid in the bushes and prayed that the camouflage worked, which it did for a while. The chase continued for a while, but I don’t remember much of it only that they caught me in the end.

The whole group pulled me into the house. They were being kind, not violent. I was still drugged up and felt lethargic until I was taken into a room full of mirrors and locked inside. This is when I became lucid – I became aware that I was dreaming.

Me – “Whoa this is wild.”

Now here’s where things get weirder. My lucid self detached from my dream self. I split into two people. I looked at my dream self, the girl I was during the dream, and I was looking at the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. She was no longer covered in mud, but wearing a sky-blue dress made of silk. Her skin like porcoline.

I was tempted to look into the mirror at my real, lucid self. I never looked into a mirror during a lucid dream. It’s a bit scary, but I did it anyway knowing full well there’s nothing to fear, nothing that can harm me. I looked at myself and what I saw was my worst nightmare. Every flaw embellished. My skin sagging, my eyes drooping and sad. I looked to be 100.

Me – “Is this how I really see myself? Is this who my subconscious is afraid to be?”

I was completely coherent, unafraid, merely marveling at this new insight into what this image conveys. What does it mean? Am I scared of how I look?

During this time, I was talking to my beautiful self. She was assuring me not to worry. She looked at herself in the mirror with confidence and knowing.

Me – “What is it that you’re doing that I’m not doing? Maybe if I gain your confidence, I can see myself beautiful as well?”

She turned to walk off to check the door handle, but I told her to get back over here and stare in the mirror with me.

I looked at myself and started feeling the confidence needed to change my appearance. And very slowly it was happening. I was looking younger, my face taking shape, eyes lifting, but then I looked over at my beautiful self and just as my image was improving, hers was deteriorating.

Me – “What’s happening?”

Her – “I don’t know. Stop looking in the mirror.”

She started getting scared and wanted me to stop. Then the door flew open and the family of assailants came barging in. I merged back into the beauty and was picked up by everyone, like I was crowd surfing over them. They were careful not to hurt or drop me. It really did feel like they cared about me.

The drug was really kicking in, I was ready to stop fighting. I was no longer lucid.

Me – “Be gentle. Be gentle.”

Older lady- “Just wait until I ram you.”

She slapped my leg and told the others – “I like them young and thin. They’re easier to carry.”

Meaning that I wasn’t the first they kidnapped to partake in a crazy rape orgy.

That’s when things got foggy, but I somehow managed to escape again. I ran outside, down that same hill as before and ran for the road.

I wasn’t in my perspective anymore, I wasn’t me. Instead, I was watching the assailants trying to find me, like I was watching a movie. They were sincerely worried about me. They knew how drugged up I was, and it would be easy for me to get lost or hurt. They searched frantically trying to find me.

There was a stopped firetruck with its lights flashing in the road. A few police men ambling about, and a body laying flat on the pavement in front of the firetruck. I was killed by the firetruck!

The commune saw what was going on and tried fleeing the scene back into their mansion, but cops were blocking their way. That’s when I woke up.

This dream wasn’t anything like being projected into another dimension (I had those before and I don’t consider them dreams, but an alternate reality). There was no evil presence, or good presence. Everything came entirely out of my own head. I know this because a lot of the dream contained thoughts and images I had during the day. I was thinking about orgies because of George Orwell’s book, 2012. And I was thinking about the Hunger Games and that’s why I felt hunted in the woods.

But the dream must symbolize something. It feels symbolic.

It was very long. I felt like I was dreaming for over an hour. Just before going to sleep, I had taken a tylenol PM and vaped much of my electronic cigarette. Plus the two nights prior I barley slept and had ridiculous amounts of clients. I was so beat before falling to sleep.

I’m beat now. Today was yet another crazy work day. There’s stuff that happened today that I want to write about, but I have no time nor energy. Its 2:40am on Monday morning – my day off. Super exhausted. I wasn’t going to write about this dream, but once I have my laptop in front of me, it’s hard to shy away.

I can’t keep my eyes open. I vaped so much of my e cig that I’m destined to have another freaky dream.