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Sunday, October 12, 2008

as promised. there they are on the side bar. why would i post those pictures on the internet? isnt it obvious by now that i display self loathing behavior? on top of that, i want to my journey very well documented. here it is.

i did this once before. i went on a great diet and had commitment and hopes and aspirations and will power. and i didnt appreciate it. i didnt think that what i had accomplished was good enough. not this time. this time i want to remember. really remember. really appreciate it.

so, what are my plans?

first. only a select few get to know that im on a diet. i need to own this. it needs to be MINE for ME. i dont want a single person's opinion. so only a select few will be in on the secret.

second. i am going to journal what i eat. i wont do it on this blog. that's not what this is for. i will post recipes and things i find helpful.

third. i am going to stick to a diet and exercise plan.

fourth. i will weigh in every week and post it on this blog.

fifth. i will blog at least once a week.
sixth. i will be grateful and thankful to myself EACH day that i succeed in my goal. i will give myself credit each day.

i am considering the idea of an "off" day or meal once a month. but i dont want to use the idea of being "off" as a reward. i can never be OFF. even WHEN i lose all the weight i want to lose. and i want to be 170 lbs, which will be a 100 lb loss, I WILL NOT BE DONE. I WILL NEVER BE DONE. and that needs to be ok. i will be a decent human being and part of that involves taking care of myself.

i am not STARTING a diet. i am STOPPING this destructive rampage i have been on. it's over. it wasnt worth it. and it needs to stop.

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comments:

Wow! I read all your blogs and really want to encourage you on this new journey you are starting. I found sparkpeople.com and found it super helpful, amazing and full of all the tools and info i need to keep me going. Give it a try.

Ok, not only do I feel inspired by your determination and blazing will that is just, seeping out of my computer screen... but, damn, you are a very powerful writer! I can totally identify with all of the emotions, and thoughts that you are sharing here... I don't think there's a woman alive who's struggled with her weight, who hasn't had those same thoughts, those same, as you put it, self loathing behaviours! Thank you for sharing these things here, and for not being afraid to put yourself out there! It was hard for me at first too, to post pics, and my weight online... I had a tough time with it. And so I know what that struggle is like! So... I'm here sista... cheerin you on! I'll be checking in if that's ok, and know that I'm sending support and encouragement your way! :)