paleo dietitians and fitness enthusiasts have been flooding the interwebs with all sorts of articles and scientific studies which sing the praises of blubber. in its stead, this year’s dietary scarlet letter has been sewn to the frock of carbohydrates, specifically gluten. dozens of first hand accounts seem to indicate that a fat-rich diet high in animal proteins and low in sugars can make us healthier human beings. shaky nutritional data is being tossed around like gluten-free hot cakes.

close your eyes for a moment and think about every type of mushroom you have ever eaten.

in no particular order, my list includes: morels, white button mushrooms, oyster mushrooms, chanterelle, portabellas, creminis (which are technically just baby portabellas), hen-of-the-woods, shiitake, brown clamshells, white clamshells, porcini, matsutake, enokitake, maitake, and king trumpet mushrooms. there might be some others, but those are the main ones i can think of. honestly, i think fourteen different kind of mushrooms is pretty good right off the top of my head. what was your score?

while you are distracted with this fun little mental exercise, i guess i’ll go ahead and get to the point of this post.

true, this post is about mushrooms as i am sure you have already guessed. but this post is also about a swedish guy named carl linnaeus.

bread. let’s all be honest with ourselves, it’s just downright amazing.

just to quickly clear up any misinterpretations, when i say the word “bread,” i mean magical foods like challah, french bread, italian bread, pumpernickel, rye bread, pita, and even our unleavened friend matzah. what i don’t mean is the nasty highly processed white bread that sticks to the roof of your mouth when you make a sandwich out of it. are we all on the same page? ok, let’s continue.

the invention of bread gave humanity all kinds of stuff. it gave us sandwiches (arguably one of mankind’s most versatile and transportable foods), croutons, bread bowls, french onion soup, and a boat load of other things which make my life wonderful. some historians even think bread was the innovation that inspired beer (although other historians believe exactly the opposite, namely that beer, as one of the oldest beverages known to man, was the inspiration for bread).

but let’s address the elephant in the room.

toast. if toast was a liquid, i would bathe in it. if it weren’t so darn crispy and scratchy, i would probably try to make an overcoat or some cool article of clothing out of it. maybe a hat. yes, i like toast that much.

roughly torn chunks of french bread, once toasted to perfection, accentuate the majesty of the already incredible fried egg. toasted pumpernickel bread, raw garlic, and pickles have been the backbone of the russian diet for well over 100 years. what would french onion soup be without a disk of toast slathered in cheese? it would be run of the mill onion soup, that’s what. i could go on, but i won’t, because i want to talk about the crostini.

the sweet, sweet crostini.

picture a super thin disk of toast. then picture a smattering of two or three high quality delicious ingredients delicately nestled atop the aforementioned toast disk. sound simple? that is because it is. but as our good friend lord polonius said, “brevity is the soul of wit.”

the term “club sandwich” is misleading for a lot of people. some people think it is a particular sandwich composed of cold cuts, bacon, lettuce, tomato, and mayo. some people attach the word club to a frilly toothpick. still others qualify any sandwich that has three pieces of bread as a club sandwich

because it doesn’t seem like this issue will be settled any time soon, i decided that i too should contribute to the quagmire of opinions. if you ask me, a club sandwich, rather than being defined by its contents, seems to be defined by its shape and the sides with which it is served.

some club sandwiches contain roast beef, some contain mustard, some are served with pickles and still others are not. but i challenge you to find a restaurant version of the club sandwich that isn’t cut into triangles and served with a side of some form of potatoes (whether chips or fries or potato salad). although it might seem strange, it makes sense to me that the defining feature of a club sandwich is its sides and the manner in which it is plated (namely, cut twice instead of in half).

my personal club sandwich contains bacon, tomato, and three pieces of toasted bread, but that is where the similarities to your run-of-the-mill restaurant club end. homemade chips, homemade condiments, and crispy home-cured bacon make my club a homey force to be reckoned with.

i always wondered why a cobb salad was called a cobb salad. when i was a kid, i always imagined that it had something to do with corn (which was of course perpetuated by the fact i had no idea what the ingredients of a cobb salad were, or how to spell it for that matter). as i got older, i just assumed someone named it after a person or a place just like most other well-known foods are.

recently, my curiosity got the better of me, and i looked it up. looking back, i kind of wish i never had. it is, of course, named after the restaurateur who was the (supposed) original creator of the cobb salad, none other than a mr. robert howard cobb.

yes, you read that correctly. his name was bob cobb.

poor guy. at least he invented a delicious salad to soften the blow of having cruel parents. thanks for not losing faith, buddy. i dedicate tonight’s dinner to you. this is my japanese-style take on your classic american man-salad.

Like this:

i love breakfast, and i’m not ashamed to say it. i can honestly and with 100% confidence say that, especially in the states, it is one of the most under-appreciated (if not completely ignored) meals in the course of a single day. i make sure to wake up nice and early almost every day (including the weekends, i know i’m crazy) to make myself a good old-fashioned 1950’s style breakfast.

and as an avid breakfast fan, i’m here to tell you that while breakfast might not scientifically be proven as the most important meal of the day, it can easily become the meal that sets the pace for an entire 24 hours. suffice to say, cereal won’t cut it. if you start your day with cereal and some milk everyday, you are going to be sluggish and starving by lunch time. it just isn’t good for you.

personally, i make sure to eat hearty. eggs are a staple, and i always make an effort to include some fresh veggies and little bit of starch, too. in all honesty, the only food group that i regularly completely ignore is fruit. i’m not too big on sweet stuff, and high concentrations of sugar tend to make you crash later in the day.

today i was in rare form. i woke up nice and early, made a big pot of coffee, and got to work. my farmer friends have thrown produce at me left and right this month, so i resolved to use as much of the fresh goodies as i good today. the result was absolutely delicious, super manly, and chock full of nutrients.

sometimes you just have to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and remind yourself that you are from ‘merica. and today was one of those days.