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Posts tagged ‘emotions’

Sometimes we feel like life is just happening to us instead of us making conscious choices. This—not making conscious choices—often leads to a different result than we want, and occasionally to unhappiness.

That was my situation a number of years ago. Back then I didn’t have time for myself or time for enjoyment. It was all about work, commitments, chores, keeping up the house, taking care of other people in my life, working, commuting… all of that with very little (if any) consideration for myself… just attempting to stay afloat. I was also trying to control others (the whole world, really) in an effort to achieve something better for myself. Needless to say, that doesn’t work. It took a very serious illness before I realized the concept that you have to change things within yourself and not control those around you. Then and only then did my personal experience became one of power.

I could see where I was holding a lot of anger and unhappiness just by letting life happen. I could also see that with different choices I could systematically reclaim my life. I looked at the choices individually and, for instance, I gave up a three-year relationship when I realized it wasn’t going to match my heart’s desires. That single decision meant ending the relationship, buying out my partner’s share of the home, having him and his three teens leave… all large changes, but just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the other things I had to put in place.

Often there’s fear when you’re considering making large changes like ending a relationship before another one comes along. It requires a great deal of courage to let go of things that have stopped serving you, to address the emotional pain and take the physical action that goes along with addressing the emotional pain. But these are areas of consideration and focus in the course of starting a significant healing process.

If you’re feeling stuck in how to engage life consciously, set aside five minutes to jot down items in the following lists:

Focus on the positive. Write down what specifically is working in your life and what you would enjoy more of. How would more look and feel?

What in your life has stopped serving you mentally, emotionally or physically? Next to each of these items answer the question: How does this reflect a chance to heal something inwardly? Often when we heal something within us, miraculously our physical experience of reality changes with our healing. Just today a client told me that she received a sweet note from her beloved. “The more I release the more love comes in.”

What is keeping you from taking the steps to release what’s not serving you? Jot down ideas, no matter how irrelevant they may seem.

Now that you know what’s keeping you from taking the steps, what steps can you take to have what your heart desires? Create little steps that make you feel like you’re moving forward without engaging or by healing the resistance you listed in step 3.

Whether it’s a major change like what I did or a smaller, more compartmentalized change, little by little as we’re able to embrace love, surrender our fear and take the necessary steps, happiness (which typically relates to an external environment) and joy (which typically relates to an inner state of being) become a greater part of our life. Contact Julie at 206.354.7090 should you need assistance with this process.

I know someone who has a very serious illness. Even though her own physical challenges are extreme, she still manages to maintain lightheartedness, positiveness and even a sense of humor through her day. Her job is to deal with injured workers. She relates to all of her colleagues in a positive way and despite the fact that her personal condition is far more severe than her clients, she exhibits extreme patience, compassion, kindness, and even a sense of humor.

How does she manage to do this? Very simply: although she takes care of her medical condition, she doesn’t make her whole life about it. She focuses on what is working in her own life.

This is not just an inspiring example; it’s a reminder that we can make a choice about not only our energy but also whether we’re focusing on the positive or the negative throughout our day. Anytime we remember to check in, we can ask—what are we choosing our attitude, our emotional state, our energy to be? Is it one that is up, positive, and optimistic or is it one that is focused on the less-optimum aspects of our day?

It’s important to note that this is not about covering our emotions or pasting on a smile that doesn’t match our inner state. It’s truly about shifting that inner state. Some things we can do when we become aware that our focus is leaning to the negative (or we feel like we need a more positive charge) include:

1. Going for a walk
2. Meditating
3. Dancing – which can be as simple as be-bopping around to some music that speaks to our passion and lifts us up
4. Thinking about something that happened to us at some point that was truly terrific… or thinking about a dream coming true and feeling what that coming true would feel like. (That way you can truly embody that feeling. You could even jump up and down in celebration of that dream coming true.)

These are simple, easy ways in which we can shift our energy immediately. Embodying any of the different emotions that go with the above options switches our energy, allows our brain to think about something positive… and puts our focus, just like my friend does, on the gifts in our lives and the people around us.

In one of my group meditations someone once told me that she felt like she was new to the practice and hence had a harder time sensing where she was holding energy. After we were no longer in a meditative state, she asked me a question and when I was giving her feedback, I inquired, “Can you feel where you’re holding energy—here and here?”

“Well,” she replied, “I can feel it here. And it’s not that I don’t believe you, but I can’t feel it in the other spot.”

“Close your eyes and focus within.”

She did, and then she said, “Oh, I can feel it now.”

I thanked her for showing everybody that sometimes you may not be able to feel something with your eyes open, but in a deeper state of focus it’s a little bit easier. “It takes practice to increase your awareness and sensitivity,” I added.

Later I learned that she had concluded that she wasn’t “advanced enough” or “evolved enough” for my class. She was comparing herself against other people’s experiences or what they had been able to do, and judging herself for her supposed lack of perception… with all of the insecurity that went with that self-judgment.

To illustrate how this wasn’t about how “experienced” or “advanced” this woman was, in the same group there was someone else who’s extremely gifted, empathetic, and really able to feel things—yet later I learned she would often experience frustration because there’s a part of her that really wants to see the energy rather than just feel it. She was caught in the judgment that seeing energy was better than feeling energy.

The fact of the matter is that wherever we are, and whatever our experience is at any given moment, it is perfect, and anytime we get stuck in comparing ourselves with others, we step out of the magic of the moment. Turning off our judgment (including judging ourselves for our self-judgment) and aligning with out heart, we can then treat everything just as information. That way, our self-doubt and tendency to compare show us where the inner opportunities exist for expansion and personal growth. And with that mindset it’s easier to have a fuller, more appreciative experience and to realize that we’re experiencing not only what is perfect but also what is ideal for us.

I’ve found that in order for me to be successful at anything, I must be very conscious. Being conscious means not following rules-rules that I’ve set for myself or expectations that I’ve let others impose on me. Rules are artificial, a product of our minds trying to tell the rest of ourselves what we should be doing when our bodies, our souls or our emotions would rather be doing something else.

I don’t mean to suggest that all rules should be avoided, or that they should be avoided all the time-just to say that they’re not the be-all and end-all and in fact they can contradict each other, as in when a diet book says “eat no fruit at all” and another one touts the value of juicing. Even if some of the information is good, the rigidity of making up a rule (something is good and something else is bad) makes it a form of judgment and judgment tends to get in the way of love.

Say, for instance, that the issue is resistance. To anything-exercise, the right foods, taking better care of yourself, whatever you wish. Until we work through those parts of us that aren’t in alignment, it’s pointless to push ourselves. Resistance will come up some other way as we try to shoehorn ourselves into the rules our minds want to impose on us. If instead we ask our bodies and emotions, “Would you like to exercise?” – and get a “No,” and follow that, we’re closer to letting go of self-judgment and being loving to ourselves.

I find that when everything falls into alignment not from my mind but from my heart, it’s easier to choose what serves me. Perhaps I don’t feel like exercising, but I wouldn’t mind dancing. Maybe dancing is then more likely to inspire better overall choices. The point is, the best outcomes will emerge over time as a natural by-product of being entirely conscious in each and every choice, but only if I come from a place of love. When our mind dictates over our whole selves, some of the magic in our lives is lost.

When we’re fully heart-centered in our experience, each choice feels right and feels whole.