Better late than never, right? My apologies to everyone for not uploading the comic first thing Wednesday morning. But hey, it makes your Wednesday evening (or your Thursday) that much better, right?

For me, the punch line of today’s strip is totally in the second panel. Just the idea of Tom standing in front of a mountain of Star Wars merchandise makes me smile.

Incidentally – and because I know you will ask – no, that is not my collection of Star Wars figures. I pulled it off a fan site somewhere. Fan boys showing off their collections. Comparing who has the bigger light saber, as it were. I wish I could shoot you a link, but truthfully, I just Googled it.

So, to that random Star Wars fan out there whose image I totally pilfered, thank you!

Another item for the record, Cami is a totally hardcore TLC home improvement show junkie. If Trading Spaces comes on, she’ll stop what she’s doing and watch it. If What Not To Wear flickers across the screen, she’ll tell everyone to shut up or she’ll cut your freakin’ tongue out.

Okay, that last part is a dramatization. Really, I have no room to be critical. I once dropped a baby on its head when an episode of Justice League: Unlimited came on (also a dramatization).

I’m really having fun with this little mini-arc we’ve got going on. I have another related strip ready for Friday, which means I will have to forego commentary on The Ring Two this week. But you can entertain yourselves with a comic I did taking a dig at the first Ring movie from way back on October 18, 2002.

Y’see, kids. That’s when you know you’ve been in the game a long time. When you star referencing comics that are over two and half years old, that’s a long time. Man, look how far we’ve come.

Totally switching gears now, can I say something really quick about Aikida? I don’t know what kind of awesome regimen Fenris is operating under, but since he came back a few weeks ago and started doing the comic full-time, it has been better than ever. The art is better. The coloring is better. The storyline is excellent!

I like to think I learn from my mistakes, so here’s Friday’s comic – on time!

I don’t know if you want to bother voting for Theater Hopper at buzzComix today. I was totally bankrupt for ideas when it came to penciling today’s incentive sketch, so I tried to draw a picture of Darth Vader from memory. It’s kinda close, but that’s a generous assessment. It’s like saying Joan Rivers looks kinda like a human being.

I thought we were at a safe enough distance away from the Charlie storyline to bring back our title character in a more casual context. In some respects I felt like a lot was sacrificed to bring this new voice to the comic and then felt guilty for not utilizing her in the last month. So here she is. Don’t worry. We’re not embarking on some giant storyline again. This is just a casual insert of a regular cast member no different than Jared or Jimmy.

HOWEVER I will point out that today’s comic tells you a lot about Charlie. Probably more in a few panels then I was able to achieve in 6 comics during the storyline. That’s right. Charlie’s a nerd.

For those of you with active imaginations, let me say right now that Tom and Charlie will not hook up. That’s not the kind of show we run here. If you want quasi-angsty relationship humor, there are plenty ofother comicsthat fill that niche. I just thought it would be a fun bit of contrast to take this kind of vapid, looks-obsessed character and make her a nerd at heart. Nothing more, nothing less.

Anyway, I don’t have a lot to talk about at the moment that’s movie related. But I think you can forgive me for being less pre-occupied with that and more interested in the fact that Cami and I are celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary today!

At the risk of sounding overtly sentimental, I look forward to our anniversary probably more than my birthday, Christmas or even Halloween. If there was ever an event to set time aside for to recognize, I think wedding anniversaries should be at the top of the list.

I talked about this in the THorum, but if you’re celebrating a birthday, that’s a singular achievement. Basically, people congratulate you for not dying that year. A wedding anniversary, on the other hand, is a celebration of the effort TWO people make to keep a union strong. It’s not a given. It’s not this arbitrary route-marker on the road of life. Every year is a milestone and worthy of your attention.

I’m not a real religious guy so I don’t have the threat of God looming over my shoulder on this one. So don’t think I’m expounding on the sanctity of marriage from a secular perspective.

No, I’ve always been enamored by couples who are able to make it work. I look in the paper for anniversary announcements and see people who have been together 50 or 60 years. Optimistically, I think they’re the lucky ones.

First, I have to say thank you to fellow Dayfree Press alumni Jim Burgess of Able & Baker for his great guest strip today. For some reason, I’m really excited by the idea of “Office Wookie.” Do you think NBC is desperate enough to film a pilot?

At any rate, check out Jim’s comic. It’s criminally underrated. The writing is sharp as a tack!

Thanks for keeping Theater Hopper up there in the rankings while I was away, guys! That was very awesome of you!

As a reward for your dilligence, I’ve posted a HUGE message recapping my whole trip right here. It might take a while to load – there are about 30 pictures – but I think it’s kind of a fun read and you get a little insight as to what I was up to for the last 6 days.

Need a little preview? Okay, try this on for size:

I must stress for the record that I am NOT DRUNK in this picture. They caught me mid-blink, okay?

I have more thoughts, but I’ll save them for later. I’m tired after posting that huge message in the THorum!

So like any nerd worth my salt, I will be seeing Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith later this evening at 12:01 A.M. on the dot. I have a really cool oversized commemorative ticket the theater issued to me on Saturday. I should remember to post a picture of it before I go to see the show.

I’m sure there are more practical tips one could share in regards to the brutal waiting period one must endure for these midnight showings.

For example, here in Iowa, it’s been raining most of the day. If chances are you are waiting outside, an umbrella might be appropriate.

Or, considering that you might be ricocheting from work, to home and out to the theater in a short time span, you should be mindful not to overlook dinner and bring a sandwich with you because concession prices are sure to be inflated.

These are helpful tips to be sure. But certainly not as helpful as the advice to be on guard against errant, airborne plastic lightsaber replicas.

The wait tonight will be Herculean and I’m stressing to invent ways to pass the time. I thought about bringing a couple of my own lightsaber to monkey around with, but I don’t want to be responsible for them inside the theater.

I thought it might be fun to buy one of those Darth Vader voice changer helmets they sell at Target. But again, it’s a peripheral I don’t want to tend to. Plus, if the little voice box goes off inside the theater, I’m sure angry nerds will fillet me six ways from Dagobah.

I may bring some comic books. I may bring my iPod. Who knows? Although indulging in those pastimes might be a little offensive to the people I’m seeing the movie with. So odds are we’ll partake in good ol’ fashioned face-to-face conversation instead. ∗GASP!∗

I’ve done a pretty good job so far protecting myself from spoilers to the movie. I haven’t read any reviews. Not at full-length, mind you. Mostly just snippets.

For example, the brief nugget I was exposed to visiting Hollywood Elsewhere. Writer Jeffery Wells quoted Anthony Lane, movie reviewer for The New Yorker, as saying “The general opinion of Revenge of the Sith seems to be that it marks a distinct improvement on the last two episodes, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. True, but only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion.”

That’s not a very nice thing to say about the movie, but I felt it was a pretty funny dig none-the-less. I’d like to read more of his review, but… y’know. No spoilers.

I don’t know why I’ve been so on guard against spoilers this time around. For both Episode I and Episode II, I devoured every last nugget of information I could get my hands on. I even started down that path for Episode III in the beginning.

For example, that web page that culled together images from advanced magazine articles and the trailers to piece together the plot of the film. Yeah, I saw that. But beyond that – I’ve imposed myself into exile when it comes to all things Sith-related.

I suppose it has something to do with protecting myself from any dashed expectations. This is the last chapter, folks. Well, “last” in the sense that Grand Poobah Lucas won’t be bringing us any more celluloid adventures from a galaxy far, far away. There will always be comic books, video games, television shows and whatever else Skywalker ranch pumps out for the next 20 years.

But in terms of pure movie magic, this is the curtain call for the franchise. This is the last time you’ll gladly suffer a midnight showing. This is the last time you can be in a room with 800 people who feel the same way you do. This is the last time you’re going to see this… thing, this mythology that you fell in love with plastered across the big screen and it will still be fresh to you. This is the last time.

So why not be selfish? Withdraw yourself from the know-it-all posturing that avid spoiler consumption positions you toward? Why not go in clean. Honest. Take in the movie for what it is. Clunky dialogue, wooden acting, Jar Jar… the works.

Episode III is definitely the best of the prequels, both visually and story-wise. I was very entertained. That being said, here it what bothered me:

5) R2-D2’s Acrobatics – Most awesome, but it left we wondering why didn’t he use any of those skills in IV, V, or VI. This one is forgiveable though, because of the height of the X-Wings compared to the ships in III and the fact that R2 has always done enough to save himself and others. Why show off if it isn’t needed? Though Yoda and Obi Wan’s age progression explains the reason they are less acrobatic, this one is less obvious.

4) Dialogue – I am lying a little here, because the dialogue didn’t bother me that much. Some of the catch phrases stood out a little too much maybe, with the actors practically winking at the camera during the lines “I have a bad feeling about this!” but again, forgivable. The dialogue was fairly in league with the rest of the series.

3) Acting – Improved from Episode II. Still not great in many aspects, with the exceptions Tom mentioned above.

2) and 1) Blown Secrets – Okay, now for what really bothered me and the reason I am posting today. The last fifteen minutes of the movie blew at least two secrets from the original trilogy. Episode III seems to assume that everyone has seen IV, V, and VI. Of course, today, most people have. But future generations watching the films in numerical order are going to think that IV, V, and VI are lame because Episode III: Blew the secret that #2) Vader is the Father of Luke and #1) Luke and Leia are twin siblings. I think this would have been best left shrouded in mystery – We could have heard a baby crying and fans would know without having two of the bigger plot revelations screwed up.

Plus, couldn’t at least one of the Jedi sense the twins? Maybe that is getting too personal?

As depicted in the comic, I did my nerdy duty and attended a midnight showing of Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith. And, as a result, only got three hours of sleep before I had to be up for work the next day.

What was really interesting about coming into work on Thursday was having everyone ask me “So, how was Star Wars?” when I don’t recall advertising that I would be at the midnight showing. Either my co-workers we able to take one look at me and could tell I was shot or they just expected this kind of devotion to the franchise. Probably a little bit of both.

As far as attending the “event” goes, I had mixed feelings. It was great that I got to see people waiting in line that I hadn’t seen in a while. Ironically, both of the people I had gone without seeing in a few months told me that they were soon having kids. That was kind of weird.

But the event was somewhat sad as well. I’m not anticipating any further opportunities to stand in a movie theater parking lot, loiter about the premises for another 4 hours, and then soak in a midnight showing. If my body’s inability to bounce back faster than it did for The Phantom Menace (or even Attack of the Clones) is any indication, my fortitude against this time-honored tradition is dwindling.

At any rate, standing in line and waiting for the movie to start invoked an odd sense of nostalgia – even before the evenings festivities had concluded.

Our theater started letting people in around 7:30. We were kind of toward the back of the line, but we still got okay seats. We were sitting to the right of the screen when I would have preferred sitting in the middle of the auditorium, but that’s the obsessive compulsive in me talking.

The theater hired this kind of multimedia entertainment group to distract us from the 4 hour wait by engaging the audience in trivia contests, door prizes and costume contests. The trivia sessions were a hoot because our M.C. totally sucked. He was reading questions from the cards they packaged with the Trivial Pursuit edition of Star Wars and was screwing up the pronunciation of every alien race, planet and name. He was heckled mercilessly.

Intercut between these sessions, we were treated to a handful of Star Wars fan films. We would watch them in clusters of three or four. By the end of the night, I’m sure we watched two hours of fan films.

This is a kind of “special torture” because many of these fan films are of varying quality. For example “Pink Five” was well written, acted and shot. “Imperial Chopper” on the other hand… was not.

And while these films are an entertaining diversion when you’re surfing online and looking to waste some time, bundled together in a giant package is a little overbearing.

It’s also a little insulting to a degree. It’s kind of like saying “We know what you’re REALLY here for, but endure the impostors for a while instead.” How cool would it have been for them to show a triple feature with The Phantom Menace, followed by Attack of the Clones leading into Revenge of the Sith at midnight? A MUCH better use of our time. The theater probably would have tripled their concessions.

Awkward “merry-making” aside, what were my thoughts on the film itself?

I really don’t want to say too much, mostly because I think even if you felt burned by the last two movies, you still owe it to yourself to see how things end.

Personally, I was very pleased with how things laid out. All of the action scenes were expertly staged. The opening siege to rescue Chancellor Palpatine was gripping. The scenes with the spider droids and those in the elevator shaft were very taught action pieces.

The elements of the film that don’t work shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone who is familiar with the franchise. The dialogue is as D.O.A. as ever and the acting very stiff. Hayden Christensen shows some glimmer of charm in the opening scenes, but it is eschewed by his need to scowl and look sweaty through the rest of the film.

There are some problems with logic, especially concerning the heart of Anakin’s worries and rage. I felt there was a disconnect between what Obi Wan lead us to believe was Anakin’s downfall in the later chapters versus what we’re exposed to on screen.

In the later movies, we’re told Anakin’s lust for power is what drove him to the Dark Side. When really, it was his Mommy issues and his fear of loss. There’s one line of dialogue at the end of the movie after Anakin is transformed into Darth Vader that rings very false in this context. All along we were led to believe that Darth Vader was the apex of pure evil. When it turns out his genesis was a very pedestrian (if misguided) fear – the fear of losing those close to us.

That said, I think there are some very fine performances in the movie. Ewan McGregor owns the movie with his light, clipped impersonation of Sir Alex Guinness as Obi Wan. Ditching that chucklehead mullet from Episode II was a good start in the right direction.

Sir Ian McDiarmid also hits one out of the park as Chancellor Palpatine. You really get that reptile vibe off of him as he manipulates the powers that be. When he reveals himself as Darth Sidious, things slide a little – only because the script requires him to play the character’s malevolence so over the top.

I think the strength of the movie is that Lucas and company must have REALLY listened to what fans wanted to see because a lot of awesome visuals are crammed into this movie. I can think of about a half dozen things that R2-D2 does in the course of the film and I kept thinking to myself “Now why couldn’t he do that in Episodes IV, V and VI?”

I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see more of General Grievous. I think watching the Star Wars: Clone Wars mini-series on Cartoon Network has spoiled me. There’s stuff Grievous does in those cartoons (especially Volume 2) that would have been great to seen animated for the big screen.

The one thing after the movie that I wondered was how quickly crap garage bands all around the nation changed their name to “Order 66” after a chilling scene in the film’s final act. That sequence hits with especially brutal potency. You’ll have to see the movie to know what I’m talking about. I won’t spill the beans as to what it is.

Overall, there’s certainly a lot to look at in the film. I read a figure that the movie only took 55 days to shoot, but had over 2,200 effects shots. It shows. There’s a lot of ILM blood, sweat and tears in the celluloid. That’s the big reason to go.

I’ll probably see the film again this weekend. Cami is actually asking me to take her. I think her curiosity may have gotten the best of her. And since reviews have been generally kind, it won’t feel like a total sell-out, I’m sure. I’m looking forward to it – at least so I can soak in all the little details I missed.

I suppose if it was “Nub, nub” the phrase “celebrate the love” would take on an entirely different meaning!

Family comic! Family comic! Bad artist! Bad!

We didn’t get a chance to see Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith over the weekend. Part of it was due to a busy schedule, but part of it was just good sense to stay away. We knew the theaters would be packed, and since I saw the movie on Wednesday, there was no need to torture ourselves. We’ll probably see it tonight when there will be less people in the theaters.

Anyway, instead of combating the nerd hordes, Cami and I instituted a little counter-programming this weekend and saw Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room. It’s a documentary adapted from the book by Bethany McLean and Peter Elkind.

What can I say about the film? It’s not a real heart-warmer, obviously. I guess while watching it, I kept thinking of that old saying “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.” There’s plenty that Ken Lay, Jeff Skilling and Andrew Fastow perpetrated to be outraged over.

I won’t go into the details because I know reading about white collar corporate greed is just about as exciting as writing about it, but for your own edification, you should see this movie.

Co-author Bethany McLean hits the nail on the head very early in the film when she comments (and I’m paraphrasing) that the Enron scandal seems to have become this obtuse construct in the minds of the average American. Most people think that the scandal revolves around complicated transaction and the pocketing of hidden assets. That the money trail is too complicated to follow and therefore not worth attempting to understand.

In reality, the story of Enron is more about people. The hubris over the over-competitive and a compulsory need to prove superiority above authority. Their theories as to the personal motivations of Skilling in particular could be a wonderful psychological case study.

The movie touches lightly on a Republican conspiracy to oust California’s Democratic Governor Gray Davis by tracing the responsibilities of the rolling blackouts his state suffered back to Enron. This isn’t the focus of the film by any means. Ultimately, Enron was responsible for the blackouts, but money was their prime motivation. Still, it’s hard to deny their association to the Bush administration considering Enron was the largest corporate backer of that campaign.

But I’m getting off track. I don’t mean to politicize things and I don’t want to give the wrong impression. Ultimately, the movie takes what most perceive to be a very complicated issue and walks you through it step-by-step. After watching it, the puzzle pieces fit together much more easily and for that, I think it’s worth your movie going dollar.

Okay, so everyone understands the reference here? I don’t have to over explain it, do I?

Sometimes I get nervous when I do a comic that isn’t as formulaic as “set-up, explanation, beat, punch line.” But then again, maybe I’m over-estimating myself.

All I know is that waddle under George Lucas’ chin is pretty friggin’ distracting. He looks like he’s been cross-bred with a great African toad. That beard he sports isn’t so much a grooming choice any more, but a necessary device to indicate where his face ends and neck begins!

I know. That’s mean. But you like it when I’m snarky, don’t you? Don’t you?!

It’s kind of insane that Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith made $50 million on it’s opening day and another $108 million in the Friday to Sunday period immediately after. It’s especially insane when you compare it against the opening weekend tallys of it’s predecessors. Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace did $65 million and Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones did $80 million.

Of course there are things like inflation, ticket prices and the number of screens showing that you need to consider. For example, Revenge of the Sith showed on roughly 500 more screens than Attack of the Clones and 700 more screens than The Phantom Menace. When it’s been reported that recent years box office receipts have been in sharp decline, you have to wonder where are these other theaters are coming from.

For detailed analysis of the three Star Wars prequels, you can check my sources here, here and here.

Naturally, all of this box office posturing begs the question if this is information the average movie goer should even have access to.

There has been increased competitiveness between entertainment journalist outlets to report every shred of information about every production that is launched into theaters. Wrapped up in the coverage is how much the film makes. Less and less is there a question of quality. Now everyone wants to know how much a movie rakes in on it’s opening weekend. Anything less than $25 million dollars in those first three days is considered a failure. Compare that to 1977 when Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope movie did $7 in business it’s opening weekend and is widely considered to be the world’s first blockbuster – an international phenomenon!

“What does it mean when a dust storm blows across Kansas and everyone covers their faces and stays inside their home(s)?” asks Wells. “Is this something to jump up and down about, examine from this and that angle, compare statistically to previous dust storms, and talk about the various ramifications with dust-storm experts like Paul Dergarabedian? People can go to see Sith by the mega-millions and a tip of the hat to those who have shrewdly profited from this, but in a better, smarter and more spiritually focused world, editors and journalists would try to report this dispiriting phenomenon with a bit more perspective…and without quite so much of a ‘yea, team!’ cheerleader tone.”

It’s hard to find complaints in the logic, except to say that it is optimistic at best. Reporting statistical data about a movies performance plays directly to our competitive nature and Wells knows this. It’s not unlike reporting the stats of a baseball game. RBIs or errors. Utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It is “just a game,” after all. Merely entertainment. Movies should be viewed the same way.

All this said, the box office might of the Star Wars franchise makes it empirically impossible for the series to fade into the ether once Sith leaves theaters. Sure, there is talk of a couple TV series and I’m sure these characters will live on in a thousand different variations between comic books, video games, toys and novels. But for Lucas to definitively say “That’s it. No more movies.” is laughable.

As my good friend Joe pointed out in his strip from May 20 at Joe Loves Crappy Movies, in 150 years someone will own the rights to Star Wars and it WON’T be Lucas.

Lucas may own the rights to his characters, sequels featuring said characters and the merchandising thereof, but it won’t last forever. In fact, I doubt it will even take 150 years. It wouldn’t surprise me if in the next 20 to 25 years that Lucas will turn over his outlines for Episodes VII, VIII and IX to someone else and says “Have at them. Oh… and be sure to wire me 80% of all the profits.” to ensure that not only will his children never have to work again, but the great-great-great-great grandchildren living in a colony on the moon that he will never meet will also never have need to fear manual labour.

The Star Wars franchise has netted Lucas a reported $2 BILLION in earnings. It’s too damn profitable to encase the thing in carbonite for the rest of time.

Part of me feels that making a comic that criticizes George Lucas’ choices in the Star Wars prequels is kind of like sitting in a rocking chair – it gives you something to do, but you don’t go anywhere.

However, the idea of Anakin pushing General Grievous over the back of Obi Wan, leading to a dramatic explosion, was too funny to me. As you can see, I tried to play up the cartoon outlandishness to the hilt.

In the vein of characters muttering “I have a bad feeling about this.” and lightsaber adversaries losing limbs left, right and center – quickly and unoriginally disposing of cool-looking secondary vilians has becomes something of a Star Wars tradition.

It’s frustrating to a degree because Lucas’ art direction team has it in them to invent some incredible baddies. They build them up so that we think they are the most heinous, devious, impervious challenges our heroes will ever face. Then they are quickly disposed of in undignified ways. It seems like such wasted potential.

Naturally, the first victim to this folly was Boba Fett way back in Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi. Absent-mindedly knocked into the Pit of Sarlacc, he was left to digest for 1,000 years. The biggest, baddest bounty hunter in the galaxy – SO TOUGH HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TO TALK! – dies in a way so undignified, Lucas might as well had him slip on a banana peel and split his head open on a rock.

Now we can kind of let this one slide, because at the time the original trilogy came out, he didn’t realize that Boba would capture people’s imagination so thoroughly. He envisioned him as this kind of background character. Totally disposable. Okay, fine. We’re not weeping into our Cheerio’s for that random Gamorrean guard who is fed to the Rancor.

However, this doesn’t absolve him from the absolute disregard for the great villians created for the prequels – Darth Maul, Jango Fett and General Grievous. Each one of these creations is billed as a major threat, but are removed from the equation in the lamest ways possible.

Darth Maul? The first Sith seen in 1,000 years. Proves his bad-assery by ventilating Qui Gon Jinn, but plucky young padawan Obi Wan Kenobi takes a lucky swipe and separates his legs from his torso. Enjoy your ride into obscurity down that random, bottomless shaft!

Jango Fett? First off, he’s a Mandalorian. Their reputation proceeds them. Second, he’s chosen as the template for the Clone Army. There must be something special about him, right? Wrong!

He barely gets out alive after a clumsy tussle with Obi Wan on Kamino and gets his head sliced off by Mace Windu without the erstwhile Jules Winnfield breaking his stride. Perhaps this is why the Stormtroopers are such a terrible shot?

Finally, General Grievous. The metaphorical alpha version of Darth Vader. An alien who swapped out most of his organic parts for mechanical substitutes. This guy kills Jedi FOR FUN and takes their lightsabres as keepsakes.

When he was introduced in the Star Wars: Clone Wars mini-series on Cartoon Network, he was a grisly, swift spectre of death, able to take out four Jedi all by his lonesome.

Too bad he didn’t employ the foresight to forge a more durable carapace. One that wouldn’t crack like a lobster shell when Obi Wan crams his hands into the opening between his chest plates, exposing his weakened heart and lungs to “uncivilized” blaster fire.

What recourse do these indelible characters have when their creator tosses them aside so readily? I mean, it makes sense to a degree because you want to introduce as many new, exciting visuals for each movie. If Darth Maul had been running rampant through all three prequels, it might have become stale. And certainly there would be less merchandising opportunities!

Lucky for us there is the Expanded Universe. The comic books and novels where writers who understand what it means to cherish an original character will flesh out their back stories and give them the respect they deserve.