The Danger in Your Head

Why negativity is dangerous for your health.

All of us know Complaining Jane and Joyous Joyce. They go out to lunch together. Joyce loves the cozy ambiance; Jane complains about the poor service. Joyce loves that her salad is fresh and tasty; Jane complains that her soup is not hot enough. Joyce loves the restaurant’s convenient location; Jane complains that it’s over-priced.

Jane’s complaints are justified. The soup wasn’t hot enough and the restaurant is over-priced. What all the Complaining Janes and Criticial Craigs don’t realize is that negativity exacts a price that no healthy person can afford to pay.

Usually we think of negativity – the tendency to criticize, blame, hate, fear, or be depressed – as a psychological disposition. “Some people are just upbeat; I’m not.”

It sounds as neutral as saying, “Some people are blonde; some are brunette.”

But what if you viewed negativity as a spiritual disease? Just as you would never complacently say, “Some people don’t have cancer; I do,” resigning yourself to the status quo rather than seeking treatment, so you would regard a negative state of mind as dangerous to your spiritual – and physical – health.

Faulty understanding of the cause of communicable diseases kept cholera raging for millennia until scientists discovered microorganisms and how they operate. The Jewish understanding of what negativity really is and how it operates is crucial to dealing with this plague.

The 20th century sage Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe explained that there are two parallel worlds, and at any given moment we are in one or the other of these worlds. One world, called the World of Connection (Olam HaYedidut in Hebrew), is characterized by love, joy, tranquility, optimism, harmony, generosity, confidence, and faith. The other world, called the World of Estrangement (Olam HaZarut) is characterized by animosity, anger, blame, resentment, criticism, anxiety, sadness, and fear.

Only once she exits her state of negativity can she feel happy, loving, and optimistic.

Because these worlds are parallel, at any given moment a person can be in only one of these worlds. While Complaining Jane is finding fault with the restaurant’s slow service, she cannot be happy that her best friend just got engaged. She cannot feel loving toward her baby niece. She cannot feel optimistic that she’ll get the job she just applied for. Only once she exits the World of Estrangement with its negativity [see “The Spiritual GPS” to learn how], can she feel happy, loving, and optimistic. But while she is engaged in the act of criticizing, she is confined to the World of Estrangement like a prisoner in her cell.

This is because negativity is not a feeling or emotion that is in us. Rather, it is a world or spiritual dimension, and we are in it. Just as there are no palm trees in Antarctica, there is no love or joy in the World of Estrangement. Fault-finding, blame, resentment, hostility, and anger —no matter how justified — are the plane tickets that land us in the World of Estrangement. Some of us visit that world only periodically. Others of us have taken up permanent residence there.

SCIENTIFIC RAMIFICATIONS

Judaism is a holistic religion. A principle of Judaism is that whatever is true is true on all levels. Thus if it’s true spiritually, it’s true also on the psychological, emotional, and physical levels. In fact, the teaching about the World of Connection and the World of Estrangement has interesting parallels in the latest scientific discoveries.

Scientists have long understood that the body has two distinct nervous systems: the sympathetic nervous system, which operates during the fight or flight states of elevated adrenalin and cortisol (the stress hormones), and the parasympathetic nervous system, which operates when a person is in a relaxed and content state.

Fight (antagonism) and flight (fear), of course, belong to the World of Estrangement. Relaxation (tranquility) and contentment (happiness) belong to the World of Connection. That two distinct nervous systems are hard-wired into the human body is an interesting correlation to the teaching of the two worlds.

Recent studies show the correlation between harmonious relationships and good health.

Even more impressive are recent studies on the correlation between harmonious relationships and good health. For years, studies have shown that married people live longer. They are less likely to get pneumonia, have surgery, develop cancer, or have heart attacks. The New York Times (April 14, 2010) cited a group of Swedish researchers who found that being married is associated with a lower risk for dementia.

More recent studies, however, indicate that it is not the state of marriage itself but rather the level of love and harmony in the marriage that accounts for the increased health benefits:

One recent study suggests that a stressful marriage can be as bad for the heart as a regular smoking habit. And despite years of research suggesting that single people have poorer health than those who marry, a major study released last year concluded that single people who have never married have better health than those who married and then divorced. [“Is Marriage Good for Your Health?” New York Times]

Professors Ronald Glaser and Jan Kiecolt-Glaser, researchers at Ohio State University College of Medicine, have conducted the most fascinating studies on the correlation between harmonious relationships and good health. The Glasers recruited 76 women, half of whom were married; the other half were separated or had divorced. The Glasers then ran tests to identify which married women were in friction-filled relationships as well as which of the women who were separated or divorced from their husbands were most bitter or resentful.

Next, using blood tests, the Glasers measured the women’s immune-system responses. The results showed that the women in unhappy relationships and the women who remained emotionally hung up on their ex-husbands had decidedly weaker immune responses than the women who were in happier relationships (or were happily out of them). [Ibid]

The Glasers then set out to uncover what happens to the body minute by minute, hour by hour, when couples engage in hostile marital disputes. Working with 90 seemingly happy newlywed couples, they hooked up each couple to tubes so that blood samples could be drawn from the pair at regular intervals. The husband and wife were seated face to face, while the researchers, obscured by a curtain, watched the couples on video monitors. Nurses came in at regular intervals to take the blood samples. When prompted, the participants discussed their most volatile topics of marital conflict. The couples who exhibited the most negative and hostile behavior during the conflict discussion showed the largest declines in immune-system function.

Living in the World of Estrangement, the State of Negativity, is like living atop a nuclear-waste disposal site. So why does any intelligent person stay there? Why don’t they just move out?

CLUTCHING THE VALUABLES

After the start of the Iranian Revolution, Persian Jews were free to leave the lethally dangerous country, but only if they relinquished their property and their valuables. Similarly, people can’t leave the World of Estrangement while clutching their valuables — their long-held resentments, their cherished grudges, their precious claim to be the innocent victim of someone else’s wrongdoing. They proclaim that they are the rightful owners of those legitimate gripes, but in fact the gripes own them.

The World of Estrangement charges its inhabitants an exorbitantly high rent.

For two decades the Weiss Family lived in the World of Estrangement. It started with an argument over the inheritance, which led to a feud among the five siblings, which led to estrangement among the next generation of cousins. * The warring factions did not invite each other to their family Bar Mitzvahs and weddings, and every mention of the “other side” produced a spouting of venom unabated by the years.

The World of Estrangement charges its inhabitants an exorbitantly high rent. Three of the siblings died of various illnesses while in their early sixties. Other family members, extending to their children and grandchildren, suffered premature deaths, divorces, and childlessness, while others suffered the pain of unmarried older children and at-risk teens. Then, Barry, the son of one of the principal combatants, contracted meningitis and lapsed into a coma. The doctors held out no hope.

At that point Yossi, one of the cousins, who understood the spiritual reality that hostility kills, undertook to end the family feud. He drew up an official document of forgiveness. He went around to all 32 cousins, pleading, “Barry’s going to die if you don’t sign.” After days of cajoling and convincing, Yossi got every one of his cousins to sign the document, granting forgiveness to every relative.

Barry’s daughter Etty brought the document with the signatures to her father’s room in the I.C.U., and read it out loud beside his comatose body. While she was reading it, a doctor ran into the room and demanded, “What’s going on here? The monitors outside show that your father’s brain activity just started to normalize.”

Barry experienced a complete recovery. Within the following year, several older single women in the family became engaged, and a couple who had been childless for 13 years had a baby.

Of course, complaining about the poor service in a restaurant is nowhere nearly as toxic as a family feud. But if you’re deciding where you want to live, would you choose even the remote outskirts of a nuclear waste disposal site? Anyone who really cares about his own well-being would be wise to drive hundreds of miles out of his way rather than cross the border into the State of Negativity.

*The story, in all its details, was reported in Mishpacha Magazine.

Sara Yoheved Rigler’s all-encompassing online marriage program, “Choose Connection: How to Revive and Rejuvenate Your Marriage” is available to Aish.com readers at a special price. Click here for more info: http://www.jewishworkshops.com/webinars/connection/

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About the Author

Sara Yoheved Rigler is a popular international lecturer on subjects of Jewish spirituality. She has given lectures and workshops in Israel, England, France, South Africa, Mexico, Canada, Chile, Panama, and over 35 American cities. She is one of the most popular authors on Aish.com, world’s biggest Judaism website, and is a columnist for Ami Magazine. Sara Yoheved Rigler is the author of five best-sellers: Holy Woman; Lights from Jerusalem; Battle Plans: How to Fight the Yetzer Hara (with Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller); G-d Winked; and Heavenprints . She gives a weekly Marriage Webinar for Jewish Workshops on a spiritual approach to marriage, with hundreds of members throughout the world. She lives in the Old City of Jerusalem. Her newest book, Emunah with Love and Chicken Soup, the story of Henny Machlis, the Brooklyn-born girl who became a Jerusalem legend, was was released in November, 2016. Her website is: sararigler.com.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 36

(24)
Anonymous,
November 1, 2014 1:06 PM

Excellent!

This is excellent and will help me so much with the things that are going on in my life right now! Thank you so much for posting this!

(23)
Steve,
October 29, 2014 10:02 PM

Perspective

I am convinced that you can't be happy if you are ungrateful. Paul had to learn to be content, whatever his situation. Complaining all the time? Try living in Tanzania or some other third world country. That will give you an attitude adjustment and you will be grateful for everything.

(22)
Anonymous,
October 29, 2014 1:37 PM

Document of forgiveness

I'd love to get a copy of that document so I can try to get my family members to sign it.

(21)
rodolfo,
October 29, 2014 1:49 AM

Its Happening in the Family

No wonder why family members to be laden with sickness. This is very informative and I'll share this aritcle to the family. Since I joined to receive updates from aish.com, my views increased. Thank you very much aish.com

(20)
Chava,
October 28, 2014 11:40 PM

Unsatisfying and incomplete

I know waaay too many negative people who live into relic stage old age. They are healthy while making those close to them miserable.

People shouldn't be negative if they care about their families' well-being, about which negative people, being selfish at the core, of course don't..

Finally, it is perfectly OK to cut off family members who, by cheating you out of your rightful portion of inheritance, to cite the example given in the article, let you know that money means more to them than you. What is not OK is to fail to separate from them spiritually and to constantly speak negatively of them. That's bad for the speakers' emotional health. That should have been the gist of the article instead of the hard to believe connection to physical health.

Dvirah,
October 29, 2014 3:57 PM

The Art of Complaining

I suspect that such people actually enjoy complaining, it's a game to them. I often call complaining the "national sport of Israel" - it lets off steam and allows one to ultimately laugh at the problem and so see it more in perspective (also making it easier to solve). This is different from living in negativity, even if it is hard on those who have to listen to it.

Actually, sharing complaints can help - it becomes almost like sharing jokes and often one person's experience can be helpful to another.

Sharona,
October 31, 2014 7:03 AM

Actually, the reason there are physical consequences is because if there's no peace, then blessing is hard to come through, since peace is a vessel for blessing. Of course, there are some that have a nice life eventhough they are negative. But the point is people need to be careful to not hold a grudge and should forgive each other so we can have blessing in our life

You could not say it better!! Such a wonderful way to take us out of darkness! Thank you.....

(17)
Anita,
March 12, 2013 10:29 PM

Wonderful article, much needed

We see how very important it is to stay positive in all situations. When there is negativity, it will cause illnesses in our physical bodies. I have learned a lot from this article. I am very happy to know that you can change your negative ways and not be in the World of Estrangement.

Thank you very much

(16)
rivka,
March 12, 2013 10:24 PM

simplification

Like many other 'mission statements' of the self-help culture this is another stereotype. Acceptable and applicable only in some cases, painfully superficial and inappropriate in many others.

Anonymous,
October 28, 2014 6:03 PM

Things look out of focus in the land of estrangement.

This is not an indepth pshycological study. It is to the point and raises very intresting ideas. Maybe you should contemplate moving to the land of connection.

(15)
Moshe,
March 12, 2013 12:43 AM

Article needs a minor edit: contentment =/= happiness

In the beginning of this article contentment and happiness are mentioned to be as equals parenthetically, I do believe we were taught otherwise by R' Noah Weinberg. Particularly in teaching the five levels of pleasure he discussed that being content is just a start, a baseline upon which happiness and joy can be built on.

The rest of the article was very good. Thank you.

Hopefully some folks will choose to change their perspective and lives a bit for their own good.

Susan,
March 13, 2013 4:32 AM

Awaited a message from you this morning

Dear Sarah,
An amazing article with a vital and important truth. Went into aish this morning hoping to hear from you. Thank you dear friend.
Naomi k.g.

(14)
Aharon Tuvia,
March 11, 2013 9:04 PM

Great lesson

What Mrs. Rigler presents here is something that took me most of my adult life to learn and to put into actual practice. I just never saw it in the way she has so eloquently put it. A big Yasher Koach!

(13)
Rachel,
March 11, 2013 7:38 PM

If you can't stop being negative, you may be clinically depressed

Just a reminder that sometimes negative people may be clinically depressed and can be successfully treated with medication and/or therapy. If someone is persistently negative, dont blame the victime -- urge him/ her to get a medical/psychiatric evaluation.

Rachel E,
March 13, 2013 10:58 AM

Yes - how to get out of the negativity?

Sara R is right that negativity is emotionally and physically destructive, and you are right that a person may be clinically depressed. When one is mired in such negativity, how does one get out? All the platitudes and advice from happier people are likely to backfire. The sympathetic nervous system is also tied up with anxiety and many people suffer anxiety related disorders with behaviors that are just as negative as depression. The unsolved question is how do people break free of depression or anxiety?

Anonymous,
March 15, 2013 5:47 AM

Acceptance and Awareness

This is a painful issue, and not sure if this otherwise great article
addresses it--i.e. that one can't always think oneself out of a
negative state and the resulting negative thoughts. At such a time it may be best to accept the negative thoughts (instead of fighting them), ask G-D to lift them, and realize somewhere in your consciousness that these negative thoughts/state are
not a reflection of what's really happening. I sometimes envision a dirty pipe through which water is flowing, and
realize that no matter what I may think, the "dirty pipe"
is distorting these thoughts. I may be powerless over that
reality, but at least being aware of it provides some helpful
perspective.

(12)
Robin,
March 11, 2013 4:18 PM

What I Needed!

Thank you! This is exactly what I needed as I struggle to stay free of anger after a fender bender and, more important, as I am rebuilding my life after the death of my beloved husband. I can now see how I inhabit one world or the other, and this article gives me insights I can work with to be more conscious of my choices. I've felt so disconnected and unable to look ahead; with this information, I can see the importance of moving into the world of connection with conscious intent so that I can happily look ahead.

(11)
EUNICE,
March 11, 2013 1:51 AM

so true

Thank you soo much for dis article.it was as if someone was speaking to me straight in the face,the thing is,our lives are filled with soo much negativity.if you trust a person and he or she betrays you,your thoughts will always be expecting something bad or worse from that same person so far as they still exits in your life.

(10)
Manny B. Alfonso,
March 11, 2013 1:42 AM

Terrific !

Excellent article , I really enjoyed it.

(9)
Anonymous,
March 11, 2013 12:57 AM

toxic people

Toxic people is the only post that makes sense to me.

(8)
Anonymous,
March 10, 2013 9:40 PM

Your Brain Article

Dear Sara, I am hoping for a reply. This generosity of your article from one living in Israel with all the stressors of being surrounded by Muslim nations wanting to wipe Israel off the map vs your attitude is outstanding. We are fixed on the Eternal or we're not. But doesnt it seem like denying the reality around you might be unsafe? Arent there appropriate times to be negative or alert?

Sara Yoheved Rigler,
March 11, 2013 9:03 AM

A positive attitude does not mean failing to take precautions.

Yes, I live in Israel, where we are surrounded by enemies. The proper response is not to deny the reality, but to see it clearly and respond appropriately with all the spiritual, political, and military steps necessary for our protection. But I don't have to let hatred and fear breed in my heart. Being negative makes one less capable of assessing and handling situations wisely.

Alli,
March 11, 2013 2:34 PM

I think you are missing the point

We can all become negative on a daily basis over things that are simply trival but mean something to us to things of a much grander scale, like your living situation. However, it is how we handle these things that make a difference. Can you change your circumstances by moving? Can you be a happy person inside of your home? Can you pray and trust that God knows what he is doing, even if it seems that you are on your own? You may not feel you are able to control your circumstances, and maybe you cannot. But those Muslims do not live inside your head or inside your heart and that is where you can change the negativity from darkness to light. Be happy internally, it does not mean you cannot be alert when you leave your home, just don't bring it back with you.

(7)
Leslee Newman,
March 10, 2013 9:11 PM

Article Confirms How Peaceful Divorce is Best for Families

I specialize in working with couples in peaceful, out of court divorce---mediation and collaborative pracice--just for the reasons stated in the article. Unfortuantely, adversarial divorce is the worst for families. I've seen many persons come out of litigated, nasty divorces and not heal, becoming sick, depressed, or getting cancer soon after their divorce is over. On the other hand, those who have a non-adversarial divorce, get through the process more quickly, cheaply, generally with respect and dignity, and report after the divorce is over that the children are thriving and they are at peace. Shalom and kindness are what we have to live for.

(6)
Anonymous,
March 10, 2013 5:48 PM

Toxic people

There is a differentiation between being a hater versus getting rid of toxic people in your life. One can ignore themselves and what they feel all for the sake of getting along. People that are abused by family or friends in physical or emotional ways may hear this and not limit or remove themselves fromsituations or blame themselves in an unconscious desire to master control of the situation. I think there has to be something said to protect the people that may think of themselves last in the name of "peace."

C.D.Urbach,
March 10, 2013 7:50 PM

To # 6: Well Put!

What abused people can do (although they MUST protect themselves from future harm), is to hold back, and NOT "return a hurt with a hurt", or take revenge. And those who advise people to take abuse "and it will be a z'chus for you" etc., should re-evaluate that "wisdom".

jewel,
March 11, 2013 1:22 AM

I agree with anonymous re toxic people

I agree totally with anonymous as I was one of those people who chose connection even though it was hurting me emotionally and physically. Perhaps Sara Yocheved should give parameters for when you choose self-preservation over connection. I am still married and am beginning to heal, but I regret the 25 years I wasted trying to connect to someone who hurt me greatly.

(5)
Lois Homer,
March 10, 2013 4:40 PM

if it's broken fix it if you can

This makes me think of the serenity prayer. If I have the power the change things, I will, if not, I must accept it and have the wisdom to know the difference. I admit that's not always easy to do. I agree with your other emailers, if a restaurant is bad, don't go back. There are usually consequences to bad and good actions. A good restaurant will attract more customers, a bad one may go out of business. There was restaurant in Skokie that was rude to their customers and served badly prepared food. Guess what? They lost their business before long. As for someone who is ill, a positive attitude can go a long way even though it's hard. Take the time to take care of yourself in hard times, relaxing with a book, good friends, even a home cooked meal if you can't afford to eat out. It will be healthier too and stay away from negative people if you can when you're not feeling your best physically or emotionally.

(4)
ruth housman,
March 10, 2013 4:28 PM

it's a stretch

I strive to be positive, to engage others in positive ways of thinking and being, but even I fall down, when I encounter the violence, the terror, and what happens to people. I can know it's all Divine Providence, but this distress I feel, in what needs to be addressed, at times makes me despair, for them, for all those who suffer. And so I see that life is deeply a tragi/comedy, and that we have both, and for me, in working with deeply depressed people, I honor where they are, their story, and what put them in this place, and for sure, perspective is valuable, but someone who loses a child to terror, who is terribly injured by terror, who is abused, well the lessons in this, are often sobering and they hurt, and here are times, that silver lining, is hard to find, though for sure, it's there, somewhere.

(3)
Marlene Klotz,
March 10, 2013 4:00 PM

The key to peace of mind is the ability to let go of negative thoughtsvie hKey to

The restaurant story is simply an example of the way people see the world: Some see a glass that is half full and some see a glass that is half empty. A positive attitude is an individual's key to looking at the sunny side of life without the down side.

(2)
sonia,
March 10, 2013 11:51 AM

Absolutely true, sometimes difficult

The restaurant example is something I've been saying for years. You choose to be happy at a certain place, environment, famly, meeting. It is your choice, the facts you focus on.It becomes more difficult with other people and family feuds. There are people that have made teir suffering, a milestone in their life, and dont want to let go the resentment.And yes, they get ill more often. Or their ilnesses become more important in their lives, than it would hapen in a person who enjoys life.But we also see positive people with badhealth, happy children with terrible health issues, warm-caring mothers that get chronic diseases, young people that are positive but have bad luck in choosing the spouse, or finding a spouse at all. It is not so authomatic.But yes, choosing to be happy and enjoy life, uplifts your health, helps the ones around you, and is an intelligent way to spend your lifetime.

(1)
Sharon,
March 10, 2013 9:47 AM

restaurant critic - bad example

I don't think that expressing one's view of a restaurant is a good example of the "estrangement' attitude. Commenting on a restaurant is fairly non-emotional, I think. While I don't frequent very expensive ones, my husband an I always assess a new place and determine whether or not to add it to our list of "places." If we chance to eat a place that's over-priced, bad service, or bad food, there's no emotions involved. We just make a mental note not to go back there and stick to the more satisfying ones we already know. Family fueds are different thing altogether. There's no more aggravating topic to all concerned. Here's where it pays to work on being positive and judging favorably. Too many families are plagued by tragic squabbles which become more emotional with time. A colleague of mine recently suggested that parents should write clear wills early on to diminish the probability of inheritance arguments later on. Of course, that doesn't prevent all problems, but it might help some. And what's worse than contemplating your offspring despising one another.

Diana C,
March 10, 2013 2:00 PM

I agree that the restraurant may not be the best example, but what I think the writer is trying to convey is the type if person that is emotionally involved in the negatives and that can not see the positives.

Fred,
March 10, 2013 5:40 PM

Our life is like a restaurant

It is not the restaurant per se;it is the continuous complaining of the person.The rstaurant is our environment our surroundings..Some people dislike everything,nothin is good;they have to say something no good for whaterver insignificant thing,happening or oerson.Besides they alaways try to find someone to blame or to criticize.

We have a canistel (or eggfruit) tree our backyard which we’d like to get rid of. We do not eat its fruit, and the fruit and leaves make a constant mess. I haven’t found anyone who is interested in its fruit – even to take it from us for free. I would like to replace it with an orange tree (we live in Miami). Is there any problem doing so?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah actually writes specifically that we may not cut down fruit trees (Deuteronomy 20:19-20). From this the Sages learn a more general principle that one may not purposelessly waste or destroy anything of value – food, good utensils, clothes, etc. (see e.g. Talmud Baba Kama 91b, Shabbat 140b).

The Talmud (Baba Kama 91-92) distinguishes that whenever there is a legitimate reason, one may cut down a fruit tree – if it damages other trees or plants, if it’s not productive and not worth its upkeep, if it’s more valuable for the wood, etc. The commentators include in this dispensation when ones needs the space the tree is growing on (Rosh Baba Kama 8:15).

There is, however, a frightening line in the Talmud there which makes people much more hesitant to rely on the above leniency. Rabbi Chanina stated that his son died young as a punishment for his cutting a fig tree before its time. Thus apart from the legal issue of destroying a productive tree, this law appears to carry with it severe Divine retribution.

Most authorities explain that this punishment is incurred only if a person cuts down a fruit tree without legitimate reason, but there is a minority opinion that it is incurred even if the tree is cut with good reason.

As a result, even in cases where a legitimate reason applies, people generally take an extra precaution of first selling the tree to a non-Jew, and having a non-Jew do the actual cutting. (The entire prohibition does not apply to non-Jews.) Your case is also better in that you are cutting one fruit tree to plant another, more productive one. Even with all of this, it’s preferable, if possible, to leave a part of the original tree intact.

In 1942, Hitler devised a plan for a Museum of Judaism, to remember the dead Jewish religion, culture and people. Millions of Jewish treasures -- Torah scrolls, ritual objects, books and art -- were looted by the Nazis and taken to warehouses. In Czechoslovakia, the objects were taken to the Jewish Museum in Prague, where the Jews themselves were forced to sort, label, and pack the items for use in the Nazi's future museum. After the war, many of these items were recovered, including thousands of Torah scrolls and nearly one million books. These were distributed to Jewish communities worldwide, as a living testimony to the indestructibility of the Jewish people.

One who humiliates another person in public ... even though he may be a scholar and may have done many good deeds, nevertheless loses his portion in the eternal world (Ethics of the Fathers 3:15).

Imagine a situation: you have a fine home, a well-paying job, a comfortable car, and a substantial retirement annuity. If you do a single thoughtless act, you will lose everything you have worked to achieve: home, job, car, and savings. What kind of precautions would you take to avoid even the remotest possibility of incurring such a disaster? Without doubt, you would develop an elaborate system of defenses to assure that this event would never occur.

The Talmud tells us that everything we have worked for during our entire lives can be forfeited in one brief moment of inconsideration: we embarrass another person in public. Perhaps we may say something insulting or make a demeaning gesture. Regardless of how it occurs, the Talmud states that if we cause another person to turn pale because of being humiliated in public, we have committed the equivalent of bloodshed.

Still, we allow our tongues to wag so easily. If we give serious thought to the words of the Talmud, we would exercise the utmost caution in public and be extremely sensitive to other people's feelings, lest an unkind word or degrading gesture deprive us of all our spiritual merits.

Today I shall...

try to be alert and sensitive to other people's feelings and take utmost caution not to cause anyone to feel humiliated.

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