That's right... After seeing the explosion in Pokemon items - stuffed animals,
action figures, underwear, condoms (STDs - don't wanna catch 'em all!) - over
the last two years, and the ensuing controversy by various jackass right-wing
groups trying to show how bad Pokemon are (including an especially saucy online
broadcast by some priest about how Pokemon is nothing more than a veiled set
of tools of the Devil!!!), they now have yet another thing to pick
up and run with. Which they probably would have already, if the Pokemon craze
hadn't all but blown over by now.

Just in case you thought I was making this up, or that I
accidentally drank rubbing alcohol again, there's the proof right to your
left. According to local crack news team FOX 5 (motto: if we sensationalize
it, it's got to be true!), these pills, bearing the engraving of
everyone's favorite sadistic animal, Pikachu, are making the rounds in
the area rave circuit, and some quantity has been confiscated by the fuzz.
According to the Police, this stuff makes the user "erratic and a
danger to himself and others," which is exactly the kind of person
you are if you are able to sit down and play through one of the Pokemon
video games (and to an even further extent, the card game), or one of
the many spinoffs that exist.

So, as it seems, Pokemon can do more to you than just cause seizures these
days. Apparently, if you choose P'E'kachu here, you will be stricken with
a potentially fatal affinity for shitty repetitive bass beats and trance music,
and no one wants that for their worst enemy, much less themselves. I guess
the media could jump all over this again too, stating that it will attract
kids to drugs since it's got the lovable image of Pikachu on it. Never mind
that there are commercials on TV featuring several coked-out kids talking
about their belly buttons and maggot-filled pies reminding kids that "it's
okay to pass."

Update (3/15/01):"What? P'E-kachu is evolving!"

A contribution to this article has been made by alert raditts reader
Jennifer L. Boger:

"I saw the same fox five news cast with the pikachu
pills, and you left out the key element of why they even showed the article.
The pills aren't just ecstacy, they are PCP and esctacy. And according to
a friend "on the scene" the news is about 6 months behind the times."

Pokemon: It's not just ecstacy anymore! Apparently it should be PCP'E-kachu
then. Packs a much greater wallop, and in that case, it should probably make
the user believe that large animals can be contained within tennis balls.
This could be a real problem for the local wildlife. And knowing FOX 5's "Keeping
us safe from ourselves" Investigative Reporting Team who decided
to shut down a rave about 3 years after they became popular, I wouldn't be
surprised at all if they were 6 months behind on this. Thanks a lot for the
contribution, Jennifer.

Oh, how I wish there was an AP wire article about this. I searched and searched,
but unfortunately I came up empty. If anyone can contribute to this article,
please do.