Monday, January 17, 2011

How do I beat self-sabotage?

No one likes being humiliated.

Dear Edahn,

Are you bored? Sometimes I feel like I'm pushing off life and responsibilities. I work small temp jobs here and there, but nothing substantial. I think I'm afraid of failure sometimes. I used to see a therapist who said I was putting stumbling blocks in front of myself. Anyway, wanted to get your opinion and see if you had any advice for me!

I'M ACTUALLY SO FAMILIAR with self-sabotage, I thought maybe you were my brother writing in to make me question myself and my direction. Haha, isn't that so funny, ha ha ha ha ha. deadpan

Let's assume you're self-sabotaging. You're so afraid of being humiliated once people expect something out of you, that you're doing everything you can to avoid expectations by choosing inferior jobs, inferior partners, and maybe inferior friends.

Something inside you knows that this isn't right, for whatever reason. It doesn't matter. It also doesn't matter why you're sabotaging yourself. Yeah, it'd be nice to try and figure it all out and make a bunch of interesting connections between your current sabotaging and your past, but let's be honest: that can take a long ass time and you can use it as another way to procrastinate, thereby further sabotaging your future.

Fuck that.

You've got to forget about your fears and thoughts and just start doing stuff. Put yourself in tough situations that offer decent payouts. Are you gonna be comfortable? No. Are you gonna want to escape? Yes. Are you going to question your abilities? Yes. That shit isn't under your control. The most you can do is ignore all that talk until you build up the familiarity necessary to get comfortable. You don't need any trick to do that, you just need to use your head and be slightly smart. You can do that, and you'll be surprised to find out that most working people are far less intelligent than you are. It's also okay to learn and improve as you work. You're not expected to be perfect.

Honestly, at this point, you don't need to know exactly where you're going with your life, you just have to pick something that doesn't make you a total fucking asshole. (So basically, don't work for FOX News and you're golden.) If you want to dig a little deeper, read this, and this, and then read the rest of my blog too. :-P But if notice yourself veering back into the self-sabotage stupor, just pick something decent and roll with it.

Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions or whatever and please pimp me out to your friend(s). Thanks sexy readers. Twitter: http://twitter.com/AskEdahn