Avoid These Games if You Don’t Want to Break Up on Valentine’s Day

Catherine

This scene is something you probably don’t want happening to you in real life, so you probably shouldn’t give your significant other any ideas by playing this.

To kick things off let’s start with a game that you normally wouldn’t play with another person seeing as how it is primarily a single player affair. But, it can be argued that Catherine, developed by Atlus games, is a great game to watch. It has beautiful visuals, amazing gameplay, and some top notch writing. So it would be great to cuddle up on the couch under a warm blanket as you dive in with your valentine eagerly watching, right?

Well…no, it turns out that it might not be such a great idea after all. Why? Well take a look at the story. You play as Vincent Brooks, a two-timing, commitment fearing dude who cheats on his girlfriend with another woman that has the same name (with a different spelling). What ensues is one of the weirdest dramas that places you into horrific dreamworlds forcing you to climb for your life as you decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with. While not in one of these hellish dreams, you can have some drinks and exchange some dirty texts if you so choose, which is probably not something you want your significant other watching.

Valentine’s Day is a day of love, where two (or more if that’s what you’re into) people dedicate the day to one another. The last thing anyone wants to see is their significant other play a game where they cheat on their lover and toy with the options presented to them. It might just remind them of that one time you were at the mall and happened to look at that attractive individual walking by…some things are better left forgotten.

Super Smash Bros.

If even Mario and Peach are fighting, your relationship will stand no chance.

Whether it’s the original, Super Smash Bros. Melee, Brawl, or even the new 3DS or Wii U editions the Super Smash Bros. games need to be avoided at all costs if you are to have any hope of having a day filled with love. It isn’t just a matter of competition, after all friendly competition can be a good thing and can help to build a strong relationship. But, Super Smash Bros. has the tendency to bring out a different side of competitors.

The cute, cuddly violence exhibited by Ness from Earthbound battling Pokemon‘s Pikachu have the ability to cause people to snap. This leads to one of the most violent competitions known to all of mankind as people who initially loved one another lash out in order to destroy the other’s chosen Nintendo mascot. What you want is a loving, safe environment on Valentine’s Day, and that is something that the Super Smash Bros. games just can’t facilitate.

In fact, in order to be extra safe, you should probably avoid…

Actually, All Competitive Nintendo Games

Probably the last thing you want to see while trying to have a fun, romantic evening.

You would think that playing Mario Kart, Mario Party, or one of the many other Nintendo multiplayer games would be a recipe for a good time. Cute characters? Check. Amazing Gameplay? Check. Stunning Visuals? Check. But you know what else you can put a check next to? Absolutely insane competitors and a guarantee that the worst in everyone will come out.

That person sitting next to you on the couch might just be the most beautiful person in your life, and you might very well love them with all of your being. If you’re lucky they will feel the exact same way about you. But once you pop in one of Nintendo’s games their face (and probably yours) can’t help but to twist into Luigi’s now infamous death stare as they commit themselves to defeating you in the most humiliating ways possible. There is nothing worse than watching your love cackle in delight as you get pegged with a Blue Shell in Mario Kart 8.

With this in mind, do yourself a favor and avoid Nintendo games this Valentine’s Day. They are cute on the surface, but will absolutely destroy your holiday.

Call of Duty Zombies

Leaving your valentine to be devoured by one of these guys might put a damper on your date.

You know what’s a really fun multiplayer game-mode? Zombie mode in Call of Duty. There is something about being trapped in a location swarming with dead things that really gets the juices flowing. Plus it allows you to be the ultimate knight in shining armor as you consistently save your significant other from a rather unflattering demise at the hands of the rotting. What could possibly go wrong with turning this on for some late night fun on Valentine’s Day?

How about you being unable to save anyone at every turn. Or even worse, what if you’re a kill stealer who constantly keeps your team members from saving up for that beloved perk or weapon? Being a horrible team player is anything other than romantic and may just lead that valentine of yours to resent you for the rest of the evening. Maybe even for the rest of your life.

Unless you are 100% positive that you will not only avoid being the weak link, but also be able to cover not only your love but everyone else in your team you may want to give this one a pass. Perhaps instead of killing zombies you could watch a zombie movie and enjoy all of the frightened cuddles it will lead to.

Monopoly

Rich Uncle Pennybags is running off with your money and your happiness.

Ah Monopoly, arguably one of the best board games ever made. Perfect for a gathering of friends and family…if you don’t mind never speaking to any of those people again. But, you’re in love and there is absolutely no way that Monopoly can break that bond in the way it destroyed your 20 year friendship just the other weekend. You have faith that you will come out on the other end unscathed and will perhaps have an even deeper appreciation for one another.

You couldn’t be more wrong. The Monopoly board may one day replace the Ouija board in history for being the harbinger of evil and destruction. What is meant to be a fun game about property and debt becomes a dance of lies, cutthroats, and cheaters as everyone vies for board dominance. You may think you’re in love now, but how are you going to feel after you land on Boardwalk with a hotel and your boyfriend/girlfriend refuses to give you a pass since you’re short on cash? This is the stuff that Lifetime movies are made of.

The only things that will come out of a Valentine’s Day game of Monopoly are tears, breakups, and years of scorn. You’re better off just playing another board game entirely. Perhaps scrabble? Or maybe finding out that both of your vocabularies is about as extensive as a kindergarteners isn’t the best way to end the night.

Are there any games you recommend that your fellow readers not play on Valentine’s Day this Saturday? If so feel free to share!