Red Sox Get Seven-Dusted

The 2014 Red Sox have lost their seventh game in a row. And suddenly the likes of Jonny Gomes, Mike Napoli, Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz — people who I will forever equate with the non-stop joy of 2013 — are dragging back my Bobby V era feels.

They can’t pitch. They can’t hit. They can’t seem to do much of anything correctly. Oh, and we just signed Stephen Drew. Hi.

Today it was the Jays taking us out behind the shed for the third straight game, capping off a six-game homestand through which we went 0-for-6. I was there, in Fenway Park, the night this wretched homestand began. Today, when it ended, I was swigging whiskey from a bottle in my basement while cueing up Nick Cave.

This wasn’t so dire in April, when every team in the AL east was flailing and the World Series hangover provided a serious mulligan. But now they’re falling further back. The Yankees are building a foothold at the top of the division. And teams like the Tigers are looking like formidable roadblocks to any dreams of a championship repeat.

The season isn’t lost to us yet. But roughly seven weeks to the All Star break, this team seems more a descendant of 2012’s crew than 2013’s.

What’s going on? What needs to be fixed? How can they turn it around? Tell us in the comments. And bring your own bottle.

When's the next Ellsbury 'n Elf where Jacoby comes by the old apartment to leave a care package (baked goods, euchinacea, a Yankee-themed children's nightlight/white noise machine, a crocheted jockstrap) for the Elf, and Jonny Gomes pulls out a Pulp Fiction-style hand cannon?