Author: quillsandlife

I'm a divorcee, single mom to my own Little Starlord, I'm a dreamer and a doer, an aspiring entrepreneur, fitness lover, and nerd just trying to make it through life after a lot of obstacles came my way.

I wish I could cut it out,
I wish I could burn it into oblivion,
But it’s engraved in my mind like a tattoo.
I can feel your lips on mine,
I can feel your warmth
as I lay my hand on your chest.
I can feel your hands,
those hands I loved so much.
Rough and thick callouses that I knew every detail of.
I can still see your eyes
Before they were empty
The eyes I saw my beauty in.
The eyes that told me lies
And I loved every minute of it.
I wish it would die,
I wish it had never loved you.
I meant forever
You meant for this moment.
You filled me with false promises.
And I ate them like a cake filled with opium.
I’m overdosing on burden,
I’m dying of a broken heart
That no matter how much it perseveres
It’s failing.
It doesn’t trust,
Because it trusted you.
You who knew how weak and vulnerable it was,
You who knew the wounds that still bled
And you took the knife of my insecurities
And you pushed it in each wound
As I was on my knees.
You looked at my soul,
You looked at my body.
And you replaced me.
I wish I could cut your memory out,
But I can’t forget.
Even though my weak heart forgave you.

Looking at faces
Trying to find yours
Broken when I see a glimpse
Of what we once knew.
I run towards that intimacy
I flee from its grips
Fight or flight
Trying to keep breathing
Afraid I’ll be used like a life raft, again
Instead of saved
From the tumultuous seas.
Plenty of fish they chant
But I once lived in a great whites chest
Now the wreckage of that ship he sank
I’m tossed in a world
I was never meant to swim in.
Running from the memory of captain Ahab,
Swimming the sea
Trying to find a pure heart
Maybe that’s the white whale in me.

She beheld a heart of glass,
Clear as day break,
And a pure love that fell fast
And loved deeply.
And while men would swoon
At the adornment that surrounded
The heart of glass that beat in her chest.
It was an empty existence
For the princess.
For jewels of the flesh
Bring instant pleasure.
Instant joy of sight and touch,
But no man wanted the true treasure.
She offered the jewels to few
And the heart of glass to fewer
And after many heart breaks
Began to hide from those who knew her.
She waited for the one
Who would never come
To see her heart of glass
Was actually a diamond.
So pure and transparent
A fool knew what he had not.
When he threw away the world
For a greedy thought.
So she fought off the knights
Who came banging at the cave
And in her rage
She began to change.
She grew tired of her delicate form
And her heart of glass began to transform.
She emerged a shield and firey breath,
And protected her soul from treacherous theft.
Her spirit grew wings
that she used to conquer shallow things
And her words became teeth
That shredded her enemies.
A monstrous beauty
That possessed no belief in mankind,
But prayed for an end of the pain inside.
No ordinary soul could
Slay such a beast,
So she waited for the one
To bring her sweet release.
For the heart of glass glimmered within
At the thought of real love and inner peace.

I remember the day,
I remember it well.
When I found our two
Was now a three.
And how your heart seemed to swell.

Now here we are,
And we’re both twos
You’ve got her,
And I have Q.

And while I’m happy for you,
I can’t help but ponder
If the price we will all pay
For your heart that chose to wander.
Will be worth it to you
When you look back at this younger
Reckless self.

And while you expect a day for you,
the responsibilities you left Are heavy
and the life you’ve stolen was more than theft.
I’ll carry the weight of a two person team,
While you’re off living a care free life filled with dreams.
I’ll work two jobs to just make the means.
I’ll keep my promises for our son.
The little one who calls me Daddy,
Because you are gone.

Happy fathered day,
To a man who left it all.
You donated a cell,
When I sacrificed my life.
Because little hands mean more to me
Than the promises I made to you as your wife.

When I thought of forever,
I thought about you.
When I thought of ” who would never”
I thought of you too.
When I thought of What Is Love?
Your face was what I saw.
But now things are different
And I thought went to think.
When I think about you,
I remember about your lies.
I think about the promises you made
As you stared into my eyes.
I ponder about the things
that were never quite right.
Because now I see who you are
In this very different light.
I can feel the way I felt
When you left us by the side of the road,
How helpless I was as our son cried
And I knew we’d never go home.
I struggle with how you brought her in Ourhouse, and left me right in front of her
As she sat in my couch.
And you screamed at me for making your mouse cry.
I feel anger and resentment when my arms get heavy playing in the pool and your son is laughing , but you’re off being a fool.
I feel disgust when you are late to visit him and stink like cheap pot,
and that you “drive-by-parent”
To a child who doesn’t understand my lament.
I hated taking pictures at the zoo
And you weren’t there.
You were off in a trailer park while we saw polar bears.
I think about what you’ve done,
And I hope she’s worth these thoughts of mine.
Because you weren’t worth a moment of our time.

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