Ok, so week two (or three) or my cult-like fitness program. How is it going, you ask? It’s pretty great — I am exercising 6 days a week and eating kale like a mofo. Plus we meet with coaches and have lectures about nutrition and tons of support. It’s fucking exhausting, though. I’m sure I’ll get used to it, but I think the last time I exercised this much I was 23. I’m in bed by 8:30 and I pretty much sleep like a log. There’s no way I could have done this when the kids were home — it’s almost a full time job by itself. I may have lost a half a pound at most, but with any luck I have turned some fat into muscle. I might be stronger, but honestly I am so tired I can’t really tell. Apparently you have to be careful to eat enough or there’s a danger of permanently resetting your metabolic rate much lower and never ever being able to eat again. So I’m trying to eat enough, which is a little hard when all you’re eating is kale, apples and oatmeal (ok and other stuff). I’m supposed to be feeling an abundance — I’m feeling an abundance, all right. An abundance of pain! (Okay, it’s not that bad.) Anyway. I am good at some things — like lifting weights — and I am bad at others — jumping jacks and running. How I hate running. I always have. I can row and ride a bike all day long but I really hate to run. I am sure I will get better at it, but it is just not my favorite.

My hiking partner has a pulled hamstring, which has me at a loss. It’s much easier to go if you’ve made plans to pick someone up.

Still, it’s always worth it when you manage to make yourself go. I ran into a woman last weekend — we were hiking at the same pace, and it was dusk, and we’d both stopped to look at some bluebirds. I didn’t know her, but it seems at least possible that I may run into her again. She’s taken birding classes with the same Audubon group that I have, which reminded me to sign up again.

So, I guess it can also be nice to walk with a complete stranger — maybe that’s my point here.

In any case, I am very glad it’s the weekend.

Also, we’ve run out of half and half and god knows what else — so it’s time to go to the grocery store.

You can see I’ve got quite a weekend looming ahead of me . . . I’ll keep you posted.

We went out for a fancy dinner, which was epically fun. It turns out her husband went to school when and where K and I did, and in fact lived across the street from us. Maps were drawn on the table-cloth paper.

2. I have joined this cult — well, it’s actually this kind of intense fitness thing at work which is about more than just fitness. It’s about forming healthy habits a la this guy. It involves things like wellness visions. There is a certain lack of irony involved, which I find difficult, — and yet, there is something to all this. Eating differently makes me hungry, which makes me grumpy, which makes me think about what sorts of feelings I may have been deadening with food. What have I been afraid of?

With our borrowed lives, in our Lent bodies, with our unknown Return dates, consider: What is it you need over the next 40 days to break out of patterns that have become prisons? What do you need in order to arrive at Easter feeling more alive than ever, with a feeling that your life has marked some Xs where once there were dragons?

I am not a religious person in the least, but it’s similar, actually, and it makes me understand Lent — this period of deprivation shakes things lose, makes you question what you thought was true, maybe makes a new way of living possible. So, I am working on my wellness vision and my ideal self and eating lots of kale — which is fine, I really like kale — and exercising, which is also kind of great.

Laundry, I think, and some cooking — certainly that. We watched Thelma and Louise for Valentine’s day (well, not really, but it was on and it was Valentine’s day –) I actually like that movie. I don’t think I saw it when it came out, and the first time I saw it I might have been underwhelmed. But I liked how it’s so clear, in the world of the movie, that there really is no place for them in this world, no matter what Slocumb may think. I love how Geena Davis moves from befuddled to awake and certain. I love the Brad Pitt character, and how Susan Sarendon goes from tidy to free as she discards piece after piece after piece of her former life. I like the scenery, too.

I talked to my mother on the phone. She’s turning 80 this year, and talking about moving out of her big house and into a smaller one. It’s not even clear where — she started talking about San Diego, which seems completely irrational to me. We don’t know anyone in San Diego. Maybe that’s the point? Anyway, it will be very, very hard to say goodbye to that old house.

I went for a couple walks and saw some birds and generally cleaned up a little. We kicked around some vacation plans.

It’s odd. I was very excited to have a weekend empty of all plans, but then it was actually a little boring in actuality. And also, I should definitely begin a massive Marie Kondo tidying effort but I really did not feel like it. Maybe that’s better left for my retirement.

I think this fitness thing, too, is sapping my will to live. I’m hungry, and when I’m hungry I get grumpy. Luckily, I am going out for dinner tonight. thank god — I cannot wait.