The Music Map – A cartographer musician travels through small Midwestern towns trying to convince residents that the best way to travel is using his GPS software that is highly accurate but only if you sing to it. The town librarian pulls out an atlas and proves him wrong. Nobody cares because the atlas is a book and no one reads books any more.

All’s Quiet on the Western Font – A World War 1 typesetter longs to create the best font for transmitting secret dispatches from London to field commanders. No one pays attention to him because he’s too quiet.

The Round of Music – A plucky young woman in an Austrian abbey is sent to care for a family of unruly children. She teaches them to sing in rounds, but not how to stop singing. They never act unruly again.

The Clown Wars – A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, there were clowns who had the power of the force. Instead of light sabers they carried seltzer bottles and rubber chickens. They weren’t the most effective Jedi in battle but they were funny, especially when 20 of them all crawl out of a tiny X-wing fighter.

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[There must be more movies worth not seeing this summer. Please add to the list in the comments so I know what not to buy a ticket for.]

It’s a Wonderful Knife – knife salesman sets up shop at the local mall and tries to demonstrate to people how different their lives would be if they didn’t purchase a full set of kitchen knives. It will keep you on the (ahem) edge of your seat.

The Sound of Muzak – An elevator girl in a posh department store feels, uh, “trapped” by the predictable ups and downs of her job, and takes a position as a nanny for a widower and his delightful children. She tries to teach them to sing, but she doesn’t know any lyrics, just bland instrumental versions of easy-listening tunes (heavy on the pan pipes).

Men In Plaque – Two dentists find themselves in all sorts of sticky situations as they go around trying stress the importance of tooth brushing and flossing; parental guidance suggested for scenes involving some nasty spitting and partial tooth loss.