As If We All Haven’t Been Through Enough Already, Paramount Delays ‘Baywatch’ One Week

2016 has already been a bastard of a year: beloved public figures died, Nazis became a thing again, America began its slow skid into fascism, and Bones got cancelled. When do the hits stop coming? Is there no respite from the barrage of tragedies that this monstrous year has heaped upon us? No, no there is not. Because throughout the seemingly unending cluster-F-word of 2016, one light on the horizon has held us up, both as a nation and as a human species. From indignity to indignity, we’ve always been able to pin our hopes on the glorious day of May 19, 2017 — known to you and I, of course, as the release date for the Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson-led reboot of beloved ‘90s lifeguard soap opera Baywatch. But even after this year’s parade of tragedies, [Don LaFontaine voice] there is one tragedy more.

Variety notes today that presiding studio Paramount Pictures has scooted Baywatch‘s release date back one week to May 26, coinciding with Memorial Day. While this may not outwardly seem like the end of the world, it is, in fact, the end of the world. “But it’s just one week, surely that won’t make too much of a difference!” some may cry. To which I say, five minutes makes an entire universe of difference when you are rushing to use the toilet. (Not the greatest analogy in the world, but you get the picture.)

But, yeah, Baywatch has been moved back a week. Not a whole lot to note apart from that. Those curious about industry goings-on might be interested to know that with this move, Paramount has essentially traded conflicts, now going up against Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales instead of Alien: Covenant. Apart from that, just take care to push back your beacon of hope seven days.