Nav Social Menu

How to Really Fight For Your Marriage

It was painful to live, painful to tell. But with great pain, there is an opportunity for great healing.

And with healing there is testimony.

Through the process of nearly losing my marriage, I learned to fight for it.

With my marriage dangling by a thread, both of us broken and afraid, I remember declaring that I would not give up easily. I threw out all my preconceived ideas about marriage counseling, not having enough money in savings to afford “help” and I went to battle, not against my husband, but with him.

The very fall of man, put husbands and wives at odds with each other. Marriage is not easy. At it’s best, it’s difficult.

But don’t be fooled: Satan wants your marriage to fail. He is a vicious opponent without mercy. If you won’t fight for your marriage, he will.
I believe every marriage is worth fighting for and while some have Biblical reasons for divorce, I still believe God can rescue every marriage-IF- there are two willing people and sadly, that’s often not the case.

But if you are married-whatever condition your marriage may be in today-you need to fight for it.

How to really fight: [there are so many ways you can do this, here’s what has helped me]:

Ask hard questions-Is there intimacy in our marriage? Are there secrets?

Prepare yourself for unexpected answers-don’t rule out counseling. It’s not just for broken marriages, it can truly make your marriage better.

I can’t tell you enough how much I love when you post on marriage. You have a gift of putting the words perfectly on paper. This past year our marriage hit one of those “it won’t ever happen to us” bumps in the road. Reading your posts about your marriage encouraged me in ways that only God could provide. Thank you for your willingness to be so transparent. While the wounds are healing, I still find myself needing daily reminders that Satan will use anything available to get us back off track and we need to keep up the fight- daily.

20+ years ago when I was newly married an older woman said that she had a rule to never speak negatively about her husband in public. If she had ‘grievances’ she would handle them with him in private. She was referring mainly to when groups of women get together and begin husband-bashing’ sessions….in the name of just having fun. I thought that sounded good and set my sights to do the same.

It is quite the conversation killer to have girlfriends “disrespecting” their husbands and for me to just say something positive about the man I married. BUT….25 years later I am MOST happily married to a man who KNOWS he can trust that I build him up no matter where I am. HE LOVES THAT!

Such a great post! When my husband and I got married, we really wanted our entrie wedding to emanate our strong belief that God is the head of this union and we wanted our family and friends to see that. Mostly because we are the only Christians in our family, as well, but I can’t say that it went over that way. Most family members were extremely upset because we served non-alcholoic beverages–in fact some didn’t even show up when they discovered that. I will say that our marriage has totally had its ups and downs and we have really had to fight for it. We have sought counselling, read numerous books and we pray (although not as much as we could). A couple things that have really helped us, is realizing that we are a family now, and that our family has to take priority. Too often we were bombarded with other family members trying to ‘bud’ in and tell us how things should be, or what to do. We have had to step back and put up some boundaries. We also got a book called “Every Marriage is a Fixer Upper”. I can’t remember who it is by, nor have I read the entire book, it is the title of the book that always sticks with me. I think that it reflects all relationships, not just marriage, in that we do have to work at it, we need to fix thigns up a bit, it is common maintenance. Thanks for the great post.

I’m a newlywed of 8 months- I have learned a lot and have a yet still to learn. It is so much harder and so much better than either one of us would have ever imagined. We say to each other every day “I’m so glad we’re married. I’m so glad you are my husband/wife.” I fail so often to honor my husband and respect him like he deserves, but he has been so gentle in telling me what hurts him and what I can do or say to show respect instead. God was good to me when he gave me my Matthew, I realize this more every day.
Thank you for your words, Kristen. 🙂

By being on his side.
I’d never read your story until today — and it is my story, too. My husband has struggled (and sought to keep secret) with this issue for over 14 years, and although I’ve known (but also sought to keep secret) for nearly a year, it all hit the fan about a month ago.
I am daily humbled by the way forgiveness has changed my heart and our marriage, and I seek daily to remind him and SHOW him that I am on his side, and will fight WITH him for his purity.
I don’t understand it, but we too, in our brokenness, are experiencing intimacy like we’ve never known in 7 years of marriage. I am so grateful for God’s grace in our lives.

I love your marriage posts. While I don’t practice any religion I was raised CofE, but your sentiments are so similar to mine. I don’t understand people who don’t work at their marriage. It’s not going to be simple plain sailing forever, there will be storms to weather and hurdles to cross but it’ll usually be easier if you can do it together.

Donna, I don’t know what your situation is or how your marriage got to this point. I do know that my wife and I had some very serious problems and she thought about leaving me because I wasn’t truthful with her and could not open up about things that bothered me. When I realized how bad things were, the first thing I did was get down on my knees and ask God to save my marriage. I then asked Him to open my eyes to see inside of myself and to see who I really was. I then asked him for the courage to be truthful, this was very hard for me but it was easier for me to lie than tell the truth, and to be able to express myself to my wife. God has worked a miracle in our lives, we are still together and happier than ever before. But it took both of us, my wife is a very strong person and it was through her that I came to know the Lord. Our life isn’t perfect but we are working on it together with God’s blessings and help. As I said I don’t know your situation, but know that people love you and I will remember the two of you in my prayers

we do a lot of praying together and a lot of talking together. We have been together 20 years and have our far share of ups and downs. We even talked divorce at one time, but knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. So we talked with a counselor and our pastor. Praising God we are still together!!!

What a great post. I thank God everyday for saving my marriage and for a husband who was willing to fight with me to put it back together. A wise person once told me a couple that prays together stays together. It was when we stopped praying together that it fell apart, thank goodness we have a God of forgiveness and grace.
Hugs.

I fight for my marriage by making sure that my husband feels comfortable sharing the hard stuff with me. Your “story” could be my story, and I’ve learned how important it is to listen to my husband’s struggles without blowing up. I love what you said about being able to forgive because you’ve been forgiven. Sin is sin, and it’s so much easier to forgive when we realize how much we’ve been forgiven of ourselves. Great post!

To listen, and to control my tongue before I try and control the situation.

You’re marriage posts, almost a year ago, gave me hope. My husband has struggled for SO long, decades, and I felt helpless and so did he. You’re marriage posts made me realize we were not alone and made me start to pray diligently for my marriage. I am so thankful for you Kristen. You have no idea how God used you in my life. It was God who saved my marriage but he used your words. I am SO thankful to you and your commitment. Act Justly, Love mercy. Keep the Faith Kristen, God is using you in amazing ways.

Yes! All truth!
I fight for my marriage by not shutting my husband out. I used to pout and withdraw and found in the end I was the one who suffered. Remaining vulnerable and open is so important to healing.
He fights for me and my emotional health by taking me on dates, getting me out of the house. He’s got a great radar to know when I need that! 🙂
We’ve read and participated in many of the popular Christian marriage books, classes. They are each helpful in their own way. Right now my husband and I are listening to Mark Driscoll’s sermon series, A Peasant Princess. We love it! We’ve grown in ways we didn’t know were needed. I think the process of becoming one is never ending, and when both work at it, the effort leads to new intimacy and greater, deeper love.

Your blog is a breath of fresh air to me. Thanks for this post. I’m in a wonderful season of my marriage right now, and I fight hard to keep it there. I do know there will most likely be more difficult seasons in our future, so I’m thankful for Christian women like you to encourage me and hold me accountable.

It is all about choice. God has taught me more about this over the past few months than I ever thought He could. I choose to love my husband whether he deserves it or not. I choose to trust him whether he deserves it or not. I choose to forgive him whether he deserves it or not. I deny myself and choose those things which bring me into obedience to God. If my actions take me out of God’s will for my marriage, then I repent and attempt not to repeat it again. For the first time in five years since I got married I have contentment. I am looking after my relationship with my Lord God Jesus Christ– I have stopped attempting to “fix” my husband and my circumtances– it cannot be done at all except by God. I pray that you all come to this at some point, if you don’t God will bring you to a point when you will. It is all God’s time, it took me five years.

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m in the midst of fighting for a marriage and my wife who has cut all communication with me. I’ve written letters, expressed remorse and asked forgiveness for my failures as a husband but my wife is seemingly set on a divorce. She is a Christian and this makes it difficult for me to accept. I have been more of a wishy washy Christian but I have recently renewed my faith and accepted Christ into my life. I have decided to love my wife unconditionally even if she doesn’t see it. God has helped me find peace once I surrendered myself to him. I feel a renewal in my spirit that only God could have allowed and I’m thankful. I pray that God soften my wife’s heart. Please pray for my wife and our marriage.

A truly wonderful truth in this.
Unfortunately for me my marriage ended at the end of last year. After trying to fight to save it for nearly two years, I had nothing left. I prayed, I got our padre to try and help, yet he never gave anything back. The sad thing is I could see he has a pain, something he will never talk about, which will alway deeply sadden me. After many conversations to try and fix the wrongs in our marriage, it came to a sad end.
I came across this as I have just seen our wedding guest book, sat in tears and wondered if I could have done anything more.
I know it wasn’t a healthy marriage, and try to believe that everything does happen for a reason! Hopefully that reason and with the guidence of god in my life I will see what that is.
Reading this has made me realise that if he didn’t want to help or work at it, then it would never have lasted. Staying strong and focused for my son and myself is now the most important thing to me.
Thank you x

Hey guys, my marriage of 6 years is in crisis. My wife is pushing for divorce & I wanna fight for this marriage. She says she doesn’t love me anymore. She has become involved with another man. We have 2 small daughters that mean the world to both of us & I want them to have their family. I wasn’t the best husband. I let negativity & anger get the better of me a lot of the time. I didn’t handle the stress of being the sole bread winner of the family in the best way. I was never physically abusive, but I did gripe a lot. I am learning from my mistakes & leaning on Christ to make me a better man. All I want is for my wife to believe in me again & to open her heart & let me back in. I am so desperate to get my family back, although right now it seems hopeless.

My Wife and I have been together 14 yrs, and Married 11. We have been together since High School. We have also been blessed with 3 beautiful girls. We are on the verge of divorce. The devil has played us against eachother so many times. The devil is real. I cried out to God today, and gave it all to him.Your story is evident that God is also real, and that there is Victory. My problem has been that I have tried to fix everything on my own, instead of giving the Lord control, and draw nigh to him. I have only made things worse, and so hear we are. I pray that our Marriage can get through this, and that it gets stronger.

I stumbled on this blog through pinterest and I have never been so encouraged by a complete stranger. As a 21 year old woman in a relationship leading towards marriage, these bits of wisdom are a gift from the Lord. Thank you for imparting your wisdom and thoughts to us here! It is such a gift to learn from older, more mature women in the faith.

I have just come across this site…My story is my wife wants to leave for another man she is having an affair with me on. At the same time she gives me signs that she doesnt want to leave and has said she doesnt want a divorce. I know God says fight and pray for your marriage, but how long to I fight. What do I endure before I say I cant endure anymore. When I feel its one-sided how do I be still like God says. I can see small steps but nothing to change this.

The actual vimax crisp and clear pictures, in conjunction with
Typically the Henry Honda IMAX Theatre’s basic IMAX tv show design and
also impressive online acoustic, generate a unique setting that should produce audience
feel as if they are really in the flick.

Everyone needs to know the great love spell caster robinsonbuckler I can’t tell how long it took me to find a trust worthy caster like Mr Robinson online, I am a very satisfied and happy person today. i have used many spell caster but none of them could bring my man back but Mr Robinson did. after his spell was done, My lover moved in with me. I want anyone who want his or her lover back to choose Mr Robinson for help cuz he is the right choice to go with. his love spell was excellent. call him (+)1 9 7 1 5 1 2 6 7 4 5

Contact {drisaachelpcenter@gmail.com},for any kind of problem you think that there will not be a solution i promise you that you will be a living testimony just give a try to him okay he do it for me,and i have a strong believe that he will also do it for you…contact him now….(drisaachelpcenter@gmail.com) I wish i have found this spell caster earlier before spending my money on spell without result.His powers are really amazing and i enjoyed the satisfaction

I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@gmail.com
) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@gmail.com
).

I was with my ex for 3 years n 6 months n he cheated on me so we split, before he left me, we were planing to get married in the future, I loved him so much but I became tired of him lying to me every time he opens his mouth, I went into search for help in the internet, I tried many different spells from almost every place locally as well as online and none of them worked, I almost gave up hope because I thought i will never see my lover again forever, one day i saw some testimony about this powerful spell caster Mr Robinson i emailed him and i asked him to help me bring back my lover and he did A Lover Spell for me And after some days, my lover returned back to me I’d like to say that i got a positive result from (Robinson. buckler@ (yahoo). com) ever since i used his love spell, my lover have learned to appreciate me more and more day by day, and he doesn’t take me for granted

Getting ex boyfriend back after a breakup,I’m extremely happy that will are living together again. My Ex and I broke up 1 year and 2 months, We both love each other and it was a shock to me and it really broke my heart. I tried to call him and both of his lines were disconnected. I tried to reach him on social networks but he deleted me off of them. I could not get my love back. I was confused. I do not know what to do I was miserable in life so I cried to my sister and told her my problem and said that she knew of one powerful spell caster that helped her when she could not get pregnant. I contacted him by email and he said he will help me and told me what to do and i did it, then he did a (LOVE SPELL) for me, 28 hours later, my boyfriend came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. me and my boyfriend are living together happily again… All thanks to Dr Mack and if you have any problem contact Dr.Mack now and i guarantee you that he will help you.. Email him_____________________dr.mack201@gmail. com