Sitting down to pee is a perfect opportunity to unwind from the pressures of your life and career.

(Don’t Pee Before Reading This!)

Since the dawn of the toilet bowl the rules have been pretty clear. Men pee standing up. Women pee sitting/squatting. It’s just sorta how the cards fell. Absolutely no logic behind it. But why should guys have to lurch awkwardly over the bowl to do their business when there’s a perfectly good seat available? It’s sort of like when you’re on a crowded subway train and a feeble old lady shows up and you’re expected to give up your spot. Boo! This is the 21st century, fellas. Time to take a seat!

If you’re scared to go against the flow, here’s a quick list of some of the advantages for men peeing sitting down.

9 Reasons Why Smart Men Sit Down to Urinate

1.) If you’re sitting down to pee, a knife-brandishing home intruder will no longer be able to crawl out through the shower curtains, sneak up on you from behind.

2.) Justin Bieber does it, and he’s done pretty well for himself.

3.) When you sit down to pee, your loud splashly pee-stream will be muffled by your obese frame, and so you can actually hear the nasty things your visitors say about you while you’re in the bathroom. Spoiler alert: most of their comments will be directly related to the fact that you pee sitting down.

4.) If your meathead roommate walks in on you peeing sitting down, he will never let you live it down. And this is actually a good thing. Now that he knows you pee sitting down, you won’t have to bother pretending you’re into football and muscle cars. The masquerade is over! You might as well come clean about watching America’s Got Talent too.

5.) If your girlfriend walks in on you sitting down to pee, she will probably end up dumping you that weekend. This is also a good thing. You’ll finally be free to binge-watch the rest of America’s Got Talent season 6 without having to pretend you’re doing it for some kind of class project.

6.) Shia LeBeouf does it, and he’s done pretty well for himself.

7.) If your son walks in on you, he will cease to consider you a role model. Believe it or not, this, too, is a good thing. He will now grow up to be successful and happy. Unlike you.

8.) If your daughter walks in on you, she will start to consider you a role model. The two of you can swap outfits and go to the mall and stuff.

9.) If your dog walks in on you, he will do that funny thing dogs sometimes do in old fashioned black & white comedy movies where the dog, upon seeing something shameful or disgusting, puts his head flat on the floor and then puts his paws over his eyes, all done in fast motion. This will make you laugh, and laughing will only help strengthen your pee stream. You’ll finish way sooner.

All toilet humor aside, click the link to learn if peeing sitting down in public restrooms can reduce the spread of certain diseases.

6 Responses to 9 Reasons Men Should Pee Sitting Down (URGENT!!!)

You had me at Justin Bieber! PS, my husband pees sitting down and it’s great because there is less, uh, splash to clean up. He confided that the only thing he misses is getting to aim at those cool little floating targets I bought for him.