Genocide

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Genocide is fun and enjoyable for the whole family! Also known as family games night, racial oppression and/or religious "persecution" and/or demographical control amongst others name, this practice had been used for centuries by human beings under various excuses including to break the boredom of empty lives of empty and/or paranoiac/envious/lazy heads.

The game of genocide includes concentration camps, obsidian farming, outlawing certain religions or languages, prohibitions of interracial marriage or mixed-race descendants, forced sterilization or give their children to adoption families, and most of all any kind of pseudoscience to make it appear it's the victims' fault for no reason other than "who they are".

The greatest genocide group of players is identified as humans. It has been played by several different peoples since the dawn of Man, most often in Africa and Asia, where the International League of Genocide is primarily located. Genocide is likely to keep its place as the favourite activity in the hearts of all humans.

Even more popular and interactive than other popular sports such as video games, soccer, and suicide, genocide can be played by an unlimited number of participants, and doesn't require any special equipment or location. Genocide games can be played in cities, forests, deserts, and even in space.

Americans are not only the most "opposed" to genocide, but they are experts in this field: Ask any Native American, Chicano (Mexicans), Nisei (that's Japanese people) and Black person. White Americans can snap at any moment.

The rules of Genocide have varied over the past years. You now need 50,000 or more players on your team, and can only score points after the first million 'unfavourables' or 'scum' have been killed. The point scoring system works of two levels. There are points for killing a certain amount of people, and double points for killing a certain amount of ethnic races. The most favoured of these appear to be Jews. This is why during the Nuremburg Trials (trials for a new version of Genocide) it was decided that Jews were only worth half a point after their over use. The focus then changed to the Red team or 'Commies', but this has since moved on to other teams, which is why the latest game of Genocide is starting in the middle east. Basically it's like Risk but cooler.

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Janjaweed is a form of cannabis enjoyed by the thriving and happy-go-lucky population of Sudan. Deriving from the terms 'ganja weed', the substance is grown by both the Arabs and black people of Sudan, and when using it they forget about their strife and give each other a big hug.

Unfortunately, there exist a group called the 'Janjaweed Militia', a lot like the 'High Times Army'. They are still on the run, having killed possibly up to 400,000 people and 1 penguin. Africa has a rich history of ethnic conflict & genocide-by-machete, tell that to Uganda, Rwanda, Somalia, the two Congos, and even white South Africa but they prefer to keep blacks and whites (plus Coloureds-mixed race, and Asian Indians) separate from each other, they called it "Apartheid" and the game was a FAIL. The whities need to take a chill pill, kick back and smoke some weed, man.

After the controversial European and Chinese/Japanese genocide matches of the 1930s and 40s, the United Nations was set up to promulgate an official code of rules and regulations governing genocide. Frequently, the UN will send its referees (known as "peacekeepers," and recognizable by their blue helmets) to genocide matches to observe. These peacekeepers are usually under strict orders not to interfere with an on-going genocide match. In recent times, the European genocide league's officials (known as NATO) and the African league's officials (known as the AU) have also begun refereeing. Ref killing is a popular way for genocide teams to score bonus points. And get bombed with weapons far more advanced than their puny blades and sticks.

To start off, there are two or more teams. These two teams usually have a history of rivalry, and the longer the history, the more interesting the match. One of these teams is usually governmentally sponsored, while the other is privately funded. The match usually begins with a sneak attack (occasionally in bed, after reading smut) and then they keep playing until one of them can't breath, walk or vote any more. Sometimes a game of Genocide can't be finished. If this is the case, all the players use the Pearl Harbor tactics to blow up their opponents, a.k.a. suicide bombings. If they STILL can't be finished, well, then out come the nukes. Then everyone's dead, so the game is officially a draw.

While genocide is usually easy and fun to commit, the following guidelines will ensure the reader that a given action qualifies:

It's not genocide if they're in the way.

They are in the way? Definitely not a genocide if they refuse to get out of the way.

It's not genocide if they deserve it.

Every now and then a pesky group comes along that just needs to be eliminated. Is it really genocide if they were totally asking for it?

It's not genocide if it's retaliatory.

If someone attempts to genocide you first you have the God-given right to slaughter them in return but it's simply vengeance, not genocide. Two groups trying to kill one another at the same time can still be a genocide though. Really a "double-genocide" to get technical.

It's not genocide if it's an accident.

Genocide referees deduct points for mass-killings that "sort of just got out of hand."

It's not genocide if they're inferior.

Occasionally a lesser group arises which isn't that great and sort of just takes up space, like the Native Americans. Is it really genocide then to end their pitiful existence? I think not.