[Music Playing]
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in cause this e-mail is gonna be a rough fu**ing ride.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FU**ING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If you're reading this right now, and saying to yourself "but oh em gee, Becca, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!"
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": then punch yourself in the face right now,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": so that I don't have to fu**ing find you on campus and do it myself.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": You have 361 days out of the fu**ing year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I fu**ing repeat, NOT FU**ING ONE OF THEM!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community, and that's not fu**ing possible if you're gonna stand around, talk to each other, and not our match-up.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": NEWSFLASH YOU STUPID FU**ING CO*KS: frats don't like boring sororities!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Oh, wait, double fu**ing newsflash: Sigma Nu is not gonna want to hang out with us if we fu**ing suck!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Which, by the way, in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, we fu**ing suck so far.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": This also applies to you little sh**s that have talked openly about post-gaming at a different frat
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": in front of Sigma Nu brothers!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Are you people fu**ing retarded?
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": That's not a rhetorical question.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I literally want you to e-mail me back telling me if you're mentally slow,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": so I can make sure you don't go to any more nighttime events.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If Sigma Nu said "Yeah, we're gonna invite Zeta over",
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": would you be happy? Would you?
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": NO YOU WOULDN'T! SO, WHY THE F**K DO YOU DO IT TO THEM?
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I don't give a f**k if your boyfriend is in it.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": YOU DON'T GO!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": YOU. DON'T. GO.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": And you especially do fu**ing not convince other girls to leave with you.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": "But Becca!", you say in your whiny little bi**h voice
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": to your computer screen, "I've been cheering on all our sports teams
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": and all the sports, doesn't that count for something?"
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": NO, YOU STUPID FU**ING A**HATS, IT FU**ING DOESN'T!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": DO YOU WANT TO KNOW FU**ING WHY?
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FU**ING UP AT SOBER FU**ING EVENTS TOO!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": For example, being stupid sh**s,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": and saying stuff like "durr, what's kickball?"
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Well, it's time someone told you NO ONE FU**ING LIKES THAT!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I WILL FU**ING C**T PUNT THE NEXT PERSON I HEAR DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": AND I DON'T GIVE A F**K IF YOU S.O.R. ME,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I WILL FU**ING ASSAULT YOU.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If this e-mail applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little a**wipe
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": that stands in the corners at night,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": or if you're a weird s**t that does weird s**t during the day,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": this following message is for you: DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I'M NOT FU**ING KIDDING!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": DON'T GO!
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If you are one of the people that have told me
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": "oh no, boo hoo, I can't talk to boys. I'm too sober."
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Then I pity you. Because I don't know how you got this far in life,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": and with that in mind, don't fu**ing show up.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Unless, you're going to stop being a G*d damn c**k-block
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fu**ing G*d,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": if I see anyone being a G*d damn boner
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Even if you're sober.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": And for those of you who are offended at this e-mail,
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I apologize, but I really don't give a f**k.
michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Go f**k yourself.