ketubahhttp://www.ritualwell.org/taxonomy/term/500/%2A
enRitual Gone Wronghttp://www.ritualwell.org/blog/ritual-gone-wrong
<div class="field field-name-field-blogimage field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/blog/ritual-gone-wrong"><img src="http://www.ritualwell.org/sites/default/files/styles/ritualthumb/public/Sarah%20Preferred%20Pic_1.JPG?itok=Kjllcttb" width="100" height="105" alt="" /></a></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>I am a “planner” and I am an English major obsessed with layers of meaning, symbolism, and subtext. Thus, my wedding, like so many ceremonies, was made up of countless intentional decisions that reaffirmed me and our relationship. And true to the nature of religious ceremony, it also challenged us. The most obvious example was our ritual gone wrong—but ultimately “gone right”—the story of our <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term249"><cite title="The Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot&nbsp;(plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse.
">ketubah</cite></a>.</p>
<p>We chose our ketubah from an online Etsy shop directly from the artist, chose the text from many templates she had to offer, complete with creative and non-sexist language. We even requested “beloveds” for the Hebrew rather than gendered spouses. A few weeks before the ceremony, I took the <em>ketubah</em> to Michael’s to frame. I chose the nicest mid-range frame we could afford, and I let the framing specialist “upsell” me on the UV-protective glass. “Of course!” I replied. “It’s worth it since this is something I plan to have forever!” When the ceremony, the beginning of forever, arrived, we had intentionally chosen to have three signing witnesses, rather than the traditional two, in order to include someone important to each of us and a third person who was mutually our friend.</p>
<p>In retrospect, it’s clear now that everything about our wedding planning was done with so much care that something absolutely had to go wrong. As an afterthought, we asked a friend, Benjamin, to be in charge of the <em>ketubah</em> after the reception. We did not give him instructions on exactly what that meant. At the end of the night, we loaded everything into the car, dropped the stuff at our apartment, and went to spend the night at the fancy hotel our friend had so graciously given us for a “mini honeymoon.”</p>
<p>The next evening, we returned home to go through our gifts with our friend Samantha. She mentioned how cool our <em>ketubah</em> was and asked if she could look at it again. We searched through all of the boxes piled up in our studio apartment, and since it was a 200-square-foot apartment, it didn’t take us long to realize that the <em>ketubah was not there! </em>I immediately texted Benjamin, “What did you do with the <em>ketubah</em> last night?” but even before he wrote back, Graie (my husband) and I were looking at each other, both knowing that that was what the thudding sound had been the night before…that sound that had caused us to pull over the car and check that the trunk was closed. That sound that we had decided must be “the gifts moving around in the trunk.” That sound had actually been our <em>ketubah falling off the car and into the road.</em></p>
<p>Benjamin texted back, “I put it on top of the car because the car was was locked and I knew you’d see it there when you got to the car,” confirming what we already knew. I began to cry a little, imagining our <em>ketubah </em>in its beautiful frame, smashed to a million pieces by so many cars.</p>
<p>I stopped crying pretty quickly, though, as the absurdity of the situation washed over me. What Benjamin had failed to realize was that I am 5-feet nothing and Graie is only 5’6’’. We were not in fact going to see a <em>ketubah</em>, in the dark, on top of a car. As our rabbi would later point out to us, this was an excellent lesson in “the power of perspective” to get right at the beginning of marriage!</p>
<p>An even better sign at the beginning of a marriage was the fact that we could both laugh at the situation pretty immediately. Graie just kept saying, “And to think, you paid extra for UV-protective glass!” And, trying to laugh, I just kept repeating to myself, “It’s just stuff.” And soon, it really did just feel like stuff.</p>
<p>The good news is that the artist was so surprised at our story that she immediately offered to send a replacement <em>ketubah </em>for just the cost of materials. Things worked out fine. My experience with our ketubah didn’t change my fundamental nature as a planner. But it did force me to see just how ridiculous planning can be. Most importantly, it reminded me that stuff really is just stuff, and that nothing can take away the amazingly beautiful <em>ketubah</em> ceremony replete with black and white photos of our beaming parents.</p>
<p>And now, as a rabbinical student, I have an excellent cautionary story to share with couples getting married. In fact, I’m lucky. I get that memory <em>and </em>I get a hilarious but true cautionary tale that other clergy only dream about.</p>
<p><em>Share this story and tell us your own #ritualgonewrong, just in time for <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterp#term309"><cite title="Lit. "Lots."
A carnival holiday celebrated on the 14th of the Jewish month of Adar, commemorating the Jewish victory over the Persians as told in the Book of Esther. Purim is celebrated by reading the megilla (Book of Esther), exchanging gifts, giving money to the poor, and holding a festive meal. At the megilla reading, merrymakers are dressed in costumes, people drink, and noisemakers (graggers)&nbsp;are sounded whenever the villain Haman's name is mentioned.
">Purim</cite></a>.</em></p>
</div></div></div>Mon, 02 Mar 2015 21:17:25 +0000ronih183738 at http://www.ritualwell.orgThe Jewish Wedding Contracthttp://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/jewish-wedding-contract
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>Watch the video to learn more about the different ways to make the <em><a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term249"><cite title="The Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot&nbsp;(plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse.
">ketubah</cite></a> </em>personal to your ceremony and relationship. </p> </div></div></div>Wed, 22 Oct 2014 16:36:30 +0000ronih183569 at http://www.ritualwell.orgWhat to Expect at a Jewish Wedding Ceremonyhttp://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/what-expect-jewish-wedding-ceremony
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>Watch this video for a quick overview of the recipe for a Jewish wedding ceremony.</p> </div></div></div>Wed, 22 Oct 2014 15:54:09 +0000ronih183566 at http://www.ritualwell.orgIn the Covenant of Whom?http://www.ritualwell.org/blog/covenant-whom
<div class="field field-name-field-blogimage field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/blog/covenant-whom"><img src="http://www.ritualwell.org/sites/default/files/styles/ritualthumb/public/blog%20Sarah%20Barasch-Hagans_1.jpg?itok=3Yn0rZz5" width="100" height="105" alt="" /></a></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p><em>I was staring at my computer screen and trying to decide what in the Jewish wedding I think is particularly Jewish and what might be universal ...</em></p>
<!--break-->
<p>Signing the <em><a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term249"><cite title="The Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot&nbsp;(plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse.
">ketubah</cite></a></em> is probably my favorite ritual aspect of the Jewish wedding ceremony. I think that one of the main reasons the ritual around the <em>ketubah</em> is powerful because it allows an intense personal focus on the couple while also drawing their community around them to support the decision they are making.</p>
<p>After my wedding, many of my non-Jewish friends told my husband and me that they found a lot of meaning in our ceremony and would think about using pieces of it in their own "imaginary future weddings." I was both surprised and delighted when Nikole, one of my best friends, contacted me to tell me that she and her partner were planning an interfaith wedding and had decided to incorporate a "non-Jewish <em>ketubah</em> ceremony" (even though neither of them is Jewish). She asked if I would officiate that portion of their wedding. I was thrilled that she wanted me to officiate a religious ritual–especially since this would be the first wedding I would help officiate.</p>
<p>Nikole emailed me a photo of her <em>ketubah</em>, which was mostly in English and used much of the traditional Jewish text. While reading it, it suddenly dawned on me that I had no idea how to officiate a "non-Jewish <em>ketubah</em> ceremony." The <em>ketubah</em> and its traditions are based in the "covenant of <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letteri#term234"><cite title="Lit. ''the one who struggles with God.''
Israel means many things. It is first used with reference to Jacob, whose name is changed to Israel (Genesis 32:29), the one who struggles with God. Jacob's children, the Jewish people, become B'nai Israel, the children of Israel. The name also refers to the land of Israel and the State of Israel.
">Israel</cite></a>," a bond with the larger Jewish community. Yet the ceremony also reflects a desire to write out our commitments to each other—as a contract, a love poem, or some hybrid. I reminded myself that the wedding was a long way off and I would be able to figure this out.</p>
<p>And then, suddenly, it was the day before the wedding, and I had not written a word. I realized I had severely procrastinated the task of figuring out how to simultaneously bless my dear friends and honor my tradition. I finally admitted to myself that I was nervous about being the representative "rabbi" to nearly everyone in the room. So there I was, in a lawn chair in my sister-in-law's back yard, staring at my computer screen and trying to decide what in the Jewish wedding I think is particularly Jewish and what might be universal. I had never thought that this was how and where I would formulate my rabbinic approach to Jewish weddings!</p>
<p>The next day, I stood in front of two people who love each other deeply, and here is some of what I told them:</p>
<p>"In a Jewish wedding, the <em>ketubah</em>, or marriage contract, is signed in order to specify the commitments that the partners are making to one another. In ancient times and still in some Orthodox Jewish communities, the <em>ketubah</em> is mainly about the financial commitments that the husband owes the wife if they should divorce.</p>
<p>However, as we have evolved, so too the tradition of the <em>ketubah</em> has evolved into a variety of forms. Many Jews now use the <em>ketubah</em> to describe the emotional and spiritual commitments that they make to each other, and thereby craft a vision of the life they intend to create together. And now we have an even newer iteration of the <em>ketubah</em>--one made between non-Jews.</p>
<p>The word <em>ketubah</em> means contract. It derives from the Hebrew root <em>katav</em> that also turns into the word for "writing" and for "that which is written." The <em>ketubah</em> comes from a tradition that considers writing to be a powerful force. Through writing, the words become clearer and are saved for our future selves. Today, you write the commitments into being. You take your good intentions and make them more than just that—you make them into tangible commitments, tangible words springing from feelings of hope and love."</p>
<p>After the couple, their witnesses, and I signed the <em>ketubah</em>, I ended the ceremony by telling them:</p>
<p>"In a traditional Jewish wedding, you would now be considered legally bound to one another. However, as you have signed outside the bounds of Jewish faith, and thus you have no religious legal body holding you accountable to how you treat each other, it is important that you remember that it is you who are accountable for remembering these commitments. I hope you will use all of your resources to help you. Call upon your families, your friends, your spiritual communities, and even the queer family you have been so blessed to find. I wish you luck in keeping these resources close to you even when difficulty comes, which it will. And may the writing of these words make them come into being every day of your lives."</p>
<p>Then, I looked up from my speech and out into the crowd. I was surprised to see that many of the guests were crying, and it was immediately clear to me how silly I had been in my nervousness. This opportunity was not a task to be managed but rather an incredible opportunity to share the beauty of my tradition. Rather than lay sole claim to that tradition, I could instead share the deep Jewish tradition of writing words to bring meaning to our world. I could share the sense of sacredness with which we approach the spousal relationship. And surprisingly (or maybe not surprisingly), in sharing these gifts with my interfaith family of friends, I had deepened my own understanding of the power of Judaism.</p>
<p><em><a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letters#term325"><cite title="The first matriarch, wife of Abraham, and mother of Isaac, whom she birthed at the age of 90. Sarah, in Rabbinic tradition, is considered holy, beautiful, and hospitable. Many prayers, particularly the Amidah (the central silent prayer), refer to God as Magen Avraham – protector of Abraham. Many Jews now add: pokehd or ezrat Sarah – guardian or helper of Sarah.
">Sarah</cite></a> Barasch-Hagans has just completed her first year of rabbinical school at the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College. She is Ritualwell's student intern.</em></p>
</div></div></div>Tue, 12 Aug 2014 17:38:52 +0000jposes3529 at http://www.ritualwell.orgB'rit Ahuvim – Lovers' Covenanthttp://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/brit-ahuvim-%E2%80%93-lovers-covenant
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>An alternative to the <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term249"><cite title="The Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot&nbsp;(plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse.
">ketubah</cite></a> which explicitly rejects the language of <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term253"><cite title="Lit. Acquisition
In a traditional wedding, the bride is "acquired" by the groom. The kinyan is effected by the giving of a small object, usually a ring. Under traditional Jewish law, a bride cannot acquire a groom -- therefore, this act cannot be made mutual. Liberal Jews have found various ways to work around this dilemma although the Orthodox community, for the most part, does not accept these solutions.
">kinyan</cite></a> (acquisition) in favor of the mutual language of covenant.</p>
</div></div></div>Mon, 10 Jan 2011 17:35:52 +0000admin1256 at http://www.ritualwell.orgTrans/Gender Queer Jewish Wedding Servicehttp://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/transgender-queer-jewish-wedding-service
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>A ritual template for creating a Jewish wedding service that celebrates gender and sexual diversity</p>
</div></div></div>Mon, 10 Jan 2011 16:02:45 +0000admin1222 at http://www.ritualwell.orgKetubah (Wedding Contract) http://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/ketubah-wedding-contract
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>An article about the <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term249"><cite title="The Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot&nbsp;(plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse.
">ketubah</cite></a>, or wedding contract, which describes its history, new ketubot, egalitarian ketubot, and alternatives to the ketubah.</p>
</div></div></div>Fri, 07 Jan 2011 02:21:50 +0000admin1210 at http://www.ritualwell.orgConservative Ante-Nuptial Agreementhttp://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/conservative-ante-nuptial-agreement
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>A Conservative version of an agreement between the bride and groom to abide by the decision of a rabbinic court in the event of divorce, thus abrogating the situation of <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/lettera#term155"><cite title="Traditionally, only a Jewish man can initiate divorce proceedings. Hence an agunah is a woman whose husband has refused her a divorce. She is unable to remarry, though he is permitted to, and any future children she has would be considered mamzerim (a legal category of persons who may not marry except among themselves).
">agunah</cite></a>, a "chained woman" whose husband refuses her a religious divorce.</p>
</div></div></div>Fri, 07 Jan 2011 02:19:56 +0000admin1209 at http://www.ritualwell.orgLieberman Clausehttp://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/lieberman-clause
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>Meant to be appended to the traditional <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term249"><cite title="The Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot&nbsp;(plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse.
">ketubah</cite></a> and written in Aramaic by the late, great Rabbi Saul Lieberman, this clause requires the husband to grant a religious divorce (<a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterg#term208"><cite title="A writ of divorce. Traditionally, only a man can grant his wife a get. Liberal Jews have amended this tradition, making divorce more egalitarian.
">get</cite></a>) to his wife, should the marriage dissolve. This clause is usually used by Conservative Jews instead of the Orthodox pre-nuptial agreement.</p>
</div></div></div>Fri, 07 Jan 2011 02:16:16 +0000admin1208 at http://www.ritualwell.orgOrthodox Prenuptial Agreement http://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/orthodox-prenuptial-agreement
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>An agreement signed by the bride and groom prior to the wedding which abrogates the situation of a recalcitrant husband who refuses his wife a religious divorce</p>
</div></div></div>Fri, 07 Jan 2011 02:14:42 +0000admin1207 at http://www.ritualwell.orgOrthodox Ketubahhttp://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/orthodox-ketubah
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>Text of the standard, traditional <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term249"><cite title="The Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot&nbsp;(plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse.
">ketubah</cite></a> in Aramaic and English</p>
</div></div></div>Fri, 07 Jan 2011 02:13:14 +0000admin1206 at http://www.ritualwell.orgEgalitarian Ketubahhttp://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/egalitarian-ketubah
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>An example of a <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterh#term219"><cite title="Anything related to the Jewish law tradition known as&nbsp;halacha.&nbsp;
">halachic</cite></a> (sanctioned by some interpretations of Jewish law) <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term249"><cite title="The Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot&nbsp;(plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse.
">ketubah</cite></a> drawing on precedent from ancient text</p>
</div></div></div>Fri, 07 Jan 2011 02:12:01 +0000admin1205 at http://www.ritualwell.orgNew Ketubahhttp://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/new-ketubah
<div class="field field-name-field-teaser field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"> <p>Example of an egalitarian/personalized <a class="glossary-term" href="/glossary/4/letterk#term249"><cite title="The Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot&nbsp;(plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse.
">ketubah</cite></a></p>
</div></div></div>Fri, 07 Jan 2011 02:10:28 +0000admin1204 at http://www.ritualwell.org