Just rec'd in mail, thought you will enjoy it too:
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said "April fool. I have pass".
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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
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On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. "Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?"
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
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Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
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2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly.
Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours. They strap him into the chair, flip the switch, and he just sits there, smiling.
According to tradition, this is considered a reprieve from God and he is freed. Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily dispensing tickets when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat on the bus. Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser, breaking the offender's neck and killing her.
Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12 pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm him.
This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a bucket of water, he tries everything - but the conductor won`t die. So again, he is set free.
Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him 1 day to lose his temper and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus ticket.
He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the electrocution.
At this point, the executioner can take no more - his professional pride has been hurt. Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret - "what is it with the bananas?"
"Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it", replies our friend. "I'm just a bad conductor."

This guy from Texas says to his dad,
dad I want to be just like you,
his dad replied, sure son, you are certainly stupid enough,
If I can do a job like that,... then a deceitful little fool like yourself should'nt have a problem.
and so he did.
...............
the situation became a lame joke

The Aristocrates, a parody joke, which is assumed to have been created from the creative minds of Saturday Night Live legends, such as Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd, has been critisized as being the most sick and disgusting joke in history. HBO is currently running a documentary called the Aristocrates which delves into other comics take on the joke, and it's history.
The whole idealology of the joke is to get a person so engrossed in the plot of the joke, and then stump them with the punchline, making them wonder is they actually understood or caught it or not so as to not insult their own intelligence. There are many takes on the joke, and comedians have passed it around comedy circles for years, I guess to see who can come up with the sickest version of the joke. It's the lamest running joke in comedy.
Card Game Version:
http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/415426/jokeid/99824
The Ultra Gross Version;
http://www.dumpalink.com/videos/Aristocrats-Joke-c47a.html
WARNING; EXPLICITE CONTENT.

A string walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, you, we don't serve your kind in here."
The string says, "Who, me?"
"Yeah, you. We don't serve no fuc|<ing strings. Now get out!"
So the string walks out into the street, ties himself into a bow, and pulls all the fibers at his ends loose. Satisifed, he goes back in.
The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that dirty string I just threw out of here?"
to which the string replies, "No, I'm afraid not."
Get it?

Here we go... I have 2 dumb ones...
1. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A.To get to the other side!!
2.Why did the hippo cross the road?
A.The chicken had the day off!!
Here's a good 1....
1. How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?
A. A Buck-an-ear!!!

Here are some more stupid ones....
1. What do you get when you have when you cross a pig and a dinosaur?
A: Jurasic pork!!!
2. What is the worst thing to be served in bed?
A: A tennis ball!!!
3: What does a skeliton say before a meal?
A: Bone-apatite!!!
4: Why did the fisherman cross the road?
A: Just for the halibut!!!

Okay i have a really good one or two jokes...
why could't the nine year old go and see the pirate movie?
it was rated "R"
(you had to see it on spongebob it was funnier there!)
knock knock
whos there?
boo
boo who?
dont cry its just a joke
(yea i know this is so old but w.e.)

Coz im british! and i have a business teacher who tells us the most lamest jokes i will tell you his top three!
Did you hear about the magic tractor
it turn into a feild - de dum dish (supposed to be the sound of drums)
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party
coz he had no body to go with - (cough at the back of the room)
this one is sooooo lame and long i almost fell asleep!
A duck walks into a bar and says "quack quack got any raisins?"The bartender says "this is a bar we don't have raisins."The next day the duck walks into the bar and says quack quack got any raisins?The bartender was losing his patience.He said NO this is a bar we DO NOT have RAISINS!The third day the duck walked in and said quack quack got any raisins?The bartender says IF YOU ASK ME THAT AGAIN I WILL TAPE YOUR LITTLE WEBBED FEET TO THE FLOOR!The next day the duck walks into the bar and says "quack quack got any tape?"The bartender says no.He says well then "quack quack where the hecks the raisins?"
(zzzzzzzzzzz!)
lame or what?

Two turtles are in a bathtub. One of them asks the other "Can you hand me the soap?". The other turtle says "Do I look like a type-writer to you?"
I heard this from a friend. I'm sure it's a movie line. I don't know what movie, though. All I'm sure about is that this is the LAMEST joke I've ever heard!
(I'm kind of ashamed/embarrassed that I even remember it!)

Guy 1: Guess what? I saw jo at the party last night!!
Guy 2: Jo who?
Guy 1: Jo momma!!!!!!
Don't know why, but this joke just annoys me and isn't funny. I guess that's because I heard it about a thousand times)

My fathers favourite joke, which I have heard about a million times:
A man had been in jail for ten years. On the morning he was let out he ran down the street shouting 'I'm free, I'm free!'
And a little boy on the other side of the road said 'that's nothing, I'm four'.
It never gets any funnier.

Two guys went hunting. One just got a new dog. He shot a duck and the dog jumped right on top of the water and ran to get the duck. The first guy looked at the other guy who just sat there deep in thought. The first guy thinks to himself, "Maybe he didn't see what my dog just did." So, he shot another duck. And again, his dog jumped right on top of the water and ran to get the duck. He looked over at his friend and asked, "Did you just see that?" The friend said, "Man, you need to go get your money back. Your dog can't swim."

Q. What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?
A. Dead ant. Dead ant, dedant dedant....
Q. Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?
A. To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump....

two strings walk in to a bar.
bartender says "sorry, we don't serve strings here"
the strings walk out and come up with a plan
one string pulls himself apart at one end and ties himself in a knot.
he walks back in...
bartender repeats his previous lament,
string says "but i'm not a string"
bartender says "yes you are"
string says "'fraid knot"

If it takes a hen and a half a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, what would it take for a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick all the warts off of a pickle?
$4.00 same as downtown.
(can you get any lamer?)

A young boy wearing a cowboy outfit with holstered twin six-guns mosies into an icecream parlor and asks for a 'Special Nut Sundae'.
The girl at the counter asks, "Would you like your nuts crushed?"
He quickly draws and aims his guns at her chest and asks, "Do you want your tits shot off?"

So this guy goes into the hospital for a routine hernia operation and wakes up the next morning to find a clinical psycho analyst holding a hypo and checking the chart at the foot of his bed.
So the shrink says, "Good morning sir, I'm glad to see you are finally awake. I have been instructed to inform you about the operation. I have some good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?"
The guy thinks for a moment then replies, "Well if you tell me the bad news first, then the worst will be over and the good news will help me to feel better."
The shrink smiles, puts a check mark on the chart, checks his wrist watch, and says, "I'm glad you see things that way. The bad news is that yesterday, while repairing your hernia, the surgeon accidently sneezed and cut off your penis by mistake."
The guy lifts the sheets, looks down, and sees a small plastic tube surrounded by stiches ... as he starts to freak out, the shrink uses the hypo to sedate him. He wakes up the next morning to see the same clinical psycho analyst again checking the chart at the foot of his bed. The guy looks down again and says, "OK doc, quick, give me the good news, I really need something to make me feel better."
The shrink replies, "The good news is really great. We checked, we double checked, and just to be sure we triple checked and we are absolutely certain it was NOT malignant."

The one that is going on the radio right now.
98.9 (the Bear)
calling Mothers trying to a shocking reaction out of them by telling them something that isn't true.
A Day before Mothers day at that. I just can't seem to laugh about it.
One called their Mom and said she was pregnant by her brother in law.

Ques. 1 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
ans: A TOMATO....... AND THE TRING TRING TRING WAS TO CONFUSE YOU...
Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
ans: The DOOR BELL and the RED was to CONFUSE you...
Ques 3 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
A CAKE .... and both were to confuse you...
Ques 4 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
A Fire Brigade Obviously...........And u Thought I was trying to Confuse You

Q:What did the guy do when he saw a spaceman?
A: He Parked in it, man.
Q:What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A:Pork Chop!
Q:What do you get when you cross a brook and a stream?
A:Wet Feet
Lame I know, but I love these jokes!

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