Thursday, February 08, 2007

Redneck cuisine tips

As a businessman, I eat in lots of upscale restaurants and I get disgusted by the constant parade of fish eggs (Caviar), over-priced fungus (Truffles), goose liver pate and other gross things disguised as Haute Cuisine. No self-respecting red neck would eat this crap.

I’ve noted that trendy restaurants are now elevating common peasant foods to culinary delights, such as Jamaican Manish Water in Manhattan for $80 a bowl and Spanish smoked duck burritos in Santa Fe for $30.

If you want evidence, just look at the cat butter craze, people charging a fortune to food snobs for cat dairy products, just because it costs a fortune to milk a cat:

Redneck Haute Cuisine

It’s about time that Americans started demanding real, good-ole country foods. Traditional redneck foods are very difficult to find, and it’s about time that the gourmet restaurants started elevating red neck chow into the ranks of haute cuisine.

I have had mixed success in my experiments with horse milk, but I see an emerging market for creating gourmet redneck dishes.

Don’t carry your brains around in a can

For example, outside of North Carolina it’s almost impossible to find Livermush and brains and eggs, and I’m forced to carry my brains around in a can, and ask the chef to put my brains into my scrambled eggs:

What we need is a steady source of simple, wholesome country foods, and there is a huge emerging market to "gourmetize" redneck chow, like these fine products:

It should be easy to create market demand for gourmet redneck cuisine, if presented properly. Here are my no-miss ideas:

Squirrel in a cup

Everybody loves squirrel, but you have to admit, it's messy and the meat falls off of the bones. What we need is gourmet squirrel, pre-chopped and served-up in it's own butt.