Venus Retrograde begins on October 8th and last until November 16th. When a planet goes retrograde it doesn’t necessarily mean that everything that planet rules goes wrong, but there’s certainly a greater tendency for those things to go wonky. Just because Venus is the general ruler of affection and kindness and a good tasty meal and the throat and home decor and so on doesn’t mean that all of these things will get horribly screwed up during that time.

Having said that: during a Venus retrograde these things are much more likely to occur. Rather than worry about it though, why not have fun with it? Save this blog entry for October 6th and then start playing along. First person to complete a solid line horizontally, vertically, or diagonally wins a prize!

(Your prize will be that Venus is no longer retrograde, to be delivered on November 16th. Shipping costs included!)

1. Your ex sends an uninvited nude selfie in an attempt to win you back.

2. You send your ex an uninvited nude selfie in an attempt to win him/her back. The ex has his/her new spouse call the cops on you.

3. Your high protein diet suddenly stops working because you didn’t realize your new fat-free salad dressing actually has 40 grams of carbs per teaspoon.

4. You get an unexpected case of strep throat.

5. Have a great first date with someone, until their spouse unexpectedly shows up. Apparently you had different definitions of what “separated” means.

6. You win an expensive professional makeover only to discover that the final result makes you look kind of like a member of The Penguin’s gang from Batman Returns.

7. The outfit that looked perfect in the store is suddenly too small when you get it home and decide to wear it out.

10. A Taurus and/or a Libra blow up at you over a matter of romance, diet, or fashion.

11. The boss refuses to retake your Employee Of The Month photo, which makes you look constipated.

12. Buy a delightful new perfume or cologne that causes you to break out in a rash.

13. Join a new dating service only to discover that your ex is a member and has said terrible things about you to everyone there.

14. “You mean they didn’t tell you the restraining order expired? Oh well, here I am honey, living across the street! Would you mind leaving your curtains open more often?”

15. That itching feeling? Maybe it’s not the new underwear after all. Go see a doctor.

16. Argue pointlessly and at length about an online quiz about which Golden Girl you’ll most be like when you hit retirement age.

17. Fall madly in love with someone who later turns out to be your first cousin. Debate whether or not to tell the rest of the family.

18. Go ahead and pay the “wealth transfer fee” on the big check from that Nigerian millionaire, because you’re feeling lucky!

19. Insulin shock!

20. Get drunk and buy an old favorite movie of yours on eBay. When it arrives you discover it’s the Hungarian language version, and it’s on VHS.

21. Buy a sexy and revealing Halloween costume for a party your friend invited you to. When you arrive, it turns out of the party is in fact a prayer meeting at the local Pentecostal Church. People start whispering the word “exorcism” around you a lot.

22. You couldn’t say no to those homemade donuts, so more insulin shock!

23. Buy one, get one free. Then buy four and get the fifth one free. Then realize you don’t need any of them, free or otherwise.

24. Be patient with a loved one, even if they don’t really deserve it. It’ll be your turn next.

Matthew Currie

Matthew Currie is an astrologer, counselor and writer with over 20 years of experience and numerous appearances on television, radio and podcasts. He is the author of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology," (available on Amazon) and is available for private consultations at http://matthewtheastrologer.com/ or send him an e-mail. Matthew likes hearing from you.

He also predicted that yes, you WOULD end up here reading this.

Like everyone else, he is on Twitter: @matthewcurrie and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/theastrologer