If you’re going to make up fake d0x…

Thursday, th3j35t3r decided to reveal what a truly pitiful charlatan he is. In d0xing the Chronicle, th3j35t3r was so incredibly full of fail that I actually felt embarrassed for him. Although most of us write under pseudonyms here at the Chronicle, we do not attempt to conceal our identity like th3j35t3r because we aren’t criminals. There’s really no point in d0xing us, except perhaps as part of a veiled threat. And we do not fear th3j35t3r.

A mouth-breathing little twerp could figure out who we are just by looking around the site a little. In fact, it’s happened before. Skiddie fanboys of Anonymous repeatedly published the name of one of our former writers with no good reason. In response to their stupidity, I anonymously posted my own fabricated d0x on AnonNews and fooled the hivemind completely. Every time I insulted Anonymous, they posted the d0x and I laughed at their gullibility. It is well documented that I created those d0x as a joke, and th3j35t3r published them anyway, unwittingly trolling himself into oblivion. He is less skilled than the average rage-filled teenybopper Anon.

I am better at d0xing myself than th3j35t3r is.

If that wasn’t stupid enough, th3j35t3r also published the information of innocent people to maintain his increasingly fragile pretense of skilled hacktivism. Niall Coffey has never written an article for us, and Alexi Halloway is just a random Facebook fan. Oh noez! Th3j35t3r has revealed the secret identities of the first few people who liked the Chronicle on Facebook. What an elite hacker!

Th3j35t3r is unable to strike at Chronicle.SU in any meaningful way, so he’s become desperate to protect his ego. He tattled on us to Blue Host and complained about how we’ve violated the terms of service. What a motherfucking elite hacker!

The d0xing and the snitching have had no effect on the Glorious Chronicle, as th3j35t3r can’t harm us in any way. If he had any fans, we might be concerned, but apparently he has only two or three.

Budget cuts are saving the United States of Unfairica.
Education is great and all, but with the billions of dollars nationwide we cut from schools for worthless things like books, bands, sports teams, after school programs for troubled youth, and teachers that take pride in helping shape the minds of young children to prepare them for college and eventually life, our military is kick-ass! Plus our congressmen are getting paid more, and better benefits, which is better for everyone. They do a great job up there on capital hill and deserve Peyton Manning cash (unlike that greedy SoB Chris Johnson).
So lets break this down for our viewers at home:
We made budget cuts on healthcare, education, social security, nasa, cancer research, alternative fuels, and many other useless waste of my tax dollars to swell our national offense budget and put money in the pockets of those that structured this awesome economy. I might pay double taxes this year. I love my country.
See, our government knows what’s best. Our generation and the one after our’s doesn’t need to be intelligent if we have bigger guns. It’s not like Iran will be building any mach 6 plane any time soon, and by the time they do, we’ll have nuked them the fuck out of existence. Same goes for Russia, North Korea, and probably Germany (they change teams about once a century so it’s only a matter of time). Luckily we have our Chinese allies. I’m glad we don’t owe them any money, or life could get rough here. They would probably start pumping lead into our children’s toys or something.

Also, inlation is saving the few poor people that live in this country, by starving them to death, they’re able to escape their sad reality of poverty. You’re welcome poor people.

Oh ya! The presidental race is looking like a photo finish, which ever way it turns out, we’re sure to get someone who will withold the firm principals our founding fathers, the Bush’s, have laid down. The path they have cleared is one for success and perhaps even world domination; I’m excited!

Frankly, the FDA has stepped their game up, too. I think I’ve only seen a couple dozen alerts for medicine that have killed people, and considering the number of pharmiceuticals out there, thats not to shabby. Our food is doing well. A little e-coli here and there never hurts, it’s a good reminder to fully cook your meat you lousy rednecks.

I hate how all these “activist” talk about is “change this,” or “change that.” Why fix something that isn’t broken stupid hippies? Maybe if you spent less time with your beer bongs and meth labs, you would realize things could be much worse.

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KEEP ANONYMOUS WIERD LOL
#LULZTEAM SIX BEING UNORIGINAL IS NOT COUNTERREVOLUTIONARY xD

original and annoying are two very different things
if a little fun at someone’s expense whose rhetoric doesn’t blend with ours is wrong, then everything the jester does to websites and people that are relatively meaningless in the grand scheme of this life is wrong.
-Geo
Ph.D: Philosophy
MA: Originality

the game is changing; choose your team and learn to play

All this worldly wisdom was once the unamiable heresy of some wise man.
Henry David Thoreau