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Saturday, 19 May 2012

Ignorance

In the uk gay people can now legally marry in a civil service so i guess you could say thats a huge leap in social acceptance, of course there will always be those that are against this but its happened and its progress but for some people its more than being just against gay people getting married its just the fact that there gay and there perceptions are just based on ignorance.

I have a friend whom i have known for many years since we were children and we have children of the same age, during school holidays i look after her children 2 days a week as im home (an advantage of working in a school is it fits perfect with having the holidays off) and in return she has my daughter one day each week during school term when i work late doing after school clubs so its an arrangement that suits us both.

I went to see her on Thursday to let her know that i would not be able to have her children on the upcoming half term as i was going on a course for the school, my children are being looked after my cousin during the day and he kindly offerred to look after hers as well as they all know each other, her initial reaction was a look of horror albeit very fleetingly and she garbled that its ok she would make other arrangements, muttering its unfair to expect him to have hers as well....too late!

I noticed her immediate reaction and me being me asked if there was a problem with him looking after her children her reply was "well he's gay" i should have left well alone at this point but well i couldnt, i wanted to know what she was implying, yes he is gay and has been for many many years pretty much knew he was from a young age and has until recently been in a long term relationship.

He has looked after both of my children on numerous occassions, he has had them both overnight when sometimes i have gone away with Master, i trust him completley the fact he is gay just hasnt been an issue and my children know he is and because they have grown up having him as part of their lives its not an issue for them either, heck even my 15yr old son who is at that horrid judgemental age will go to him for help with school projects especially if its science..so there both comfortable with him.

So i was wound up at her response and even more so when i pushed the matter and she went on to say she didnt think it appropriate for a gay man to be with children especially boys, it took a lot of willpower not to tell her about my dynamic with the bossman and what we do and does that make me not suitable to be with children? i didnt of course but i was so enraged i had to leave before things were said that couldnt be taken back.

Things are left like that, she hasnt contacted me and i sure as hell am not contacting her, i feel saddenned that someone whom i consider a close friend could have such an ignorant attitute and one i havent picked up on before, i dont know at this time if we can put this behind us, for me i have taken it personally...perhaps i should have just left it but whats done is done. Its also made me realise that no matter how far we think society has progressed there is still a lot of ignorance out there and more than likely there always will be.

Omg, mouse could write a book on this topic....starting way back to when she was a child and befriended the two men who lived up the street. Fortunately, they were a very positive influence on her life and their influence has remained with her still. It drives mouse absolutely batshit crazy when people act that way...or say miserable crap like hate the sin and love the sinner....

Oh i could have gone on and on as i was and am so enraged, i just cant believe the reaction, i must say its the first time i have encountered it directly....some people just oh heck i think i better stop lol

Well, as a mother, I wouldn't leave my children with anybody that I didn't know personally, whether they were gay or not. It would have nothing to do with their sexual orientation.

Frankly, some of the nicest people I've ever met are gay. I'll never forget the time I was in London attending a play with one of my daughters. I accidentally sat in the wrong seat and these women were really rude to me, practically yelling at me, acting like I was ignorant, etc. I was pregnant (back in those days I was pregnant or nursing a lot, lol). Anyway, I was emotional and an usher was helping me find the correct seats for my daughter and I. I ended up sitting by a gay couple (two men). The man I sat with was THE sweetest man I have ever met. He apologized for the rude behavior of the women that were insulting me and just made me feel so much better. I've NEVER forgotten it! I always have a fond place in my heart for that man and I wish I could meet him again so I could personally thank him for his kindness to a pregnant American woman out of her element in the UK.

Love,Kitty

P.S. Personally, I wouldn't burn bridges. I would try to talk to her when you're calm and see if you can work things out. Sometimes ignorance is based on fear...I can still remember when people thought you could get Aids just by being around someone that had it.

I do completley get what your saying, at the moment im in no frame of mind to even attempt to work things out, this man is not just my friend but family. We all live in a small community so its not like she doesnt know him, she does reasonably well..this is about him being gay and she not wanting her children left alone with him because of that.

I do agree that mostly ignorance is based on fear but sometimes that is no excuse and i cant apply it to this situation...perhaps i will feel differently when i have calmed down but im not holding my breath.

It was nice to hear of your experience in London, and thats just basic kindness and manners which should apply to everyone regardless of sexual orientation.

I understand your feelings towards this woman. My estranged husband never seemed to have an issue with a gay friend of mine until after we separated. He said he didn't want our two daughters exposed by that lifestyle. Needless to say I flew off the handle myself. People are people no matter their sexual orientation. Some are good and some are bad and some are just plain stupid.