New Coffee Words You Should Learn in 2011

We're still awaiting the coming coffee revolution — and doing our part, by trying to bring some rare Haitian beans back to the American market. But in the meantime, there are a few new terms you should add to your lexicon this year. You might need them next time you go to the local espresso bar in order to avoid getting laughed out:

Ristretto (n) — An espresso "pulled" very short, i.e. with little water. In America, often pushed to the extreme — say, using the amount of fluid that would fit in a standard contact-lens case. Most often combined with two others to create a thimble full of ristrettos (triple) and strangely professed to taste good. Note: one is expected to enjoy this else dramatic eye rolling ensues. See also: corrosive solvents, peptic acid eruption.

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Extract/infuse (v) — To make coffee by one of the four main methods: pressure (espresso), gravity (filter), steeping (Turkish), and eternity (Brooklyn and Portland).

Cupping (n) — The act of slurping, then spitting, tepid, under-roasted coffee of (and typically at) origin with the aim of grading the bean against predetermined standards. Not to be confused with tasting and/or enjoying.

375 cents (n) — An insane amount to pay for any single cup of coffee, unless of course one is at the foot of the Spanish Steps and in the company of a potential sexual partner above one's standing. If in Brooklyn, however, see also: Nigeria scam; bridge for sale.

K-Cup/Nespresso (n) - A plastic capsule containing a variant of roasted coffee, which after a single use is deposited into a landfill or directly into the ocean to float freely with billions of other plastic bad ideas until the end of time.

Slow-brew (n) - The act of brewing coffee (hipster-style) by employing 1940s American and Japanese technology — Maleta funnel and filter, the kung-foo siphon and beaker/bong paraphernalia — thereby stretching the present estimated 45 hours per year Americans spend in line for coffee to new leg-numbing heights. See also: chasing the dragon; deep vein thrombosis.

Todd Carmichael is the co-founder of La Colombe Torrefaction and the first American to cross Antarctica to the South Pole alone on foot.