Question

Posted by:
Caryn | 2013-01-24

Q.

Is he really over me or playing?

I met this man 6 years ago when I went to work in Moz. We had instant connection and felt like we had known each other for years and were catching up. Friendship led to on off relationship for 2.5 years, we both didn't feel "ready" for a relationship. He was divorced with young child and was wanting to try make a go of that again and he did for 1.5 years. I had left moz 6 mths after they arrived. We stayed in contact and when he was in SA came to visit, we always got drunk and fought with each other cause of feelings but ended up in bed. 3 years ago, we made a choice to make a go of the relationship and he moved from Moz to be with me. We lived in Swaziland while i was on contract so he did not work. We moved back to jhb 6 months later and he got a wonderful job and we bought a second car and things were looking good, yes we had our volatile fights but we both stubborn and dont back down. I lost my job and took a contract job in kzn, he drove down twice a month to visit and the 2 months later he lost his job and moved down, once again he struggled to get work for few months and I fell pregnant but eventually got a job, pay was bad and hours sucked but he perservered. Just after baby born he was given opportunity to take over branch of the business but with no financial funding and me not working and new baby at home we started taking serious strain financially, emotionally and sexually.
We agreed to move back to jhb and i moved end June 2012, he stayed to close business and moved month later. I sent his CV all over and he got fantastic job immediately. I could not find work and we stayed with friends for a month and then moved into our own place. While at friends we started looking at engagement rings etc but we were struggling and argued alot. We had friends over for housewarming and all. We had HUGE blow out in shops 2 weeks after moving and he asked i leave so I packed and he called me back 10 min later, came home and tried talking and he said nothing. Had accused him of seeing lady at work as was bbm her the night before when drunk. I came home and next weekend his mom came to meet me and grandson. they left the sunday and thursday we argued about money for petrol and again he asked i leave which i did. for 2 months he visited and even was kissing me etc only to hear he is living with this woman from work & started dating 3 wks after i left. Every single day there is comms between us and I dont believe he has let go emotionally yet but says wont fix

Expert's Reply

A.

- 2013-02-26

Oh you poor dear.
It sounds like you've had a rough time. Do you want him back? Will you be able to forgive him? Will your relationship be any different this time round? Why do you fight so much? Do you think he is definitely the best choice of a father for your child?
All these questions need to be asked and answered truthfully in your heart.
If the answers are positive then you can speak to him and suggest you try again. You will have to go for marriage counseling, as it doesn't sound as if you guys communicate very well.
You will both need to commit to your relationship. It won't fix itself.
Good luck.

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