Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A Little Dose of Honesty...

This is a very honest post. It makes me nervous being this honest because alot of times words can get twisted and can sound alot different than what I'm meaning to say. I don't want anyone to think that I spend alot of my time picking apart people because honestly, I don't. But life is so short, and our words are very valuable. And even if a small amount of our time is spent speaking of petty things, it's too much time wasted.

I was getting ready for work this morning & a very good friend of mine shot me a text with the following verse: "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account
of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by
your words you will be condemned," (Matt. 12:36). "OUCH!" was the first word that popped into my head. I mean literally this made my heart hurt. I'm very familiar with this Bible verse, so it's nothing new to me...but it stirred the depths of my soul. How much time do we waste talking about petty, meaningless things? At times I have been SO guilty of saying something and then wanting to put duct tape over my mouth because I was completely out of line with my comment. How many times do we say things just off the cuff that would seriously HURT someone if they heard us say it? Even if we don't mean to be hurtful. But I have been so convicted about this for a very long time now. And with my conviction came lots of prayer. My prayer changed from "I want to be better" to "MAKE ME BETTER, change my heart!" I'm supposed to be using Jesus as my example, not conforming to worldly standards and allowing myself to get caught up in trivial conversations. Isn't it funny that when we pray for things, God certainly answers us in His own great way. I was tested over and over and over again but slowly started noticing I was responding to the tests much more gracefully than I had in the past. The first prayer I prayed was for God to just change the way I think. I prayed for pure thoughts and for a genuine, honest, and good heart. My thoughts will eventually come out of my mouth and reflect my heart, and holding my tongue doesn't mean anything if my thoughts are still ugly. Having my little girl really opened my eyes to alot of things. I want my daughter to be who God wants her to be, and if I am not constantly working on myself and letting God work in me and being the best person I can be...I could be a hindrance to her relationship with Him. Sometimes it's a tough job being a mom and knowing that my kid is watching every move I make...but it's an AMAZING source of accountability. Think about it, we are the only 'normal' that our kids know. I don't want my kid to think it's normal to say anything negative about anyone. So everytime I catch myself going 'there' I stop myself and turn my thoughts to how I can improve myself. How can I be better? What can I do differently in my own life? God has really been working on me. I've noticed I say less, and I feel compassion towards people I don't agree with rather than irritation, my heart genuinely feels clean (not squeaky clean because I'm still a sinner saved by grace) but just cleansed because I've made an effort and was honest with myself about who I was and who I needed to be. I have miles to go... but I can honestly say that I am much better than I once was, because of God's grace & love for me.