“Defiance” Recap 1.03: S&M Shenanigans

Previously on Defiance, Irisa Nyira shocked us all when she became the frontrunner for Best Alien Crush, even though she’s on a show with three perpetual AfterEllen Hot 100 contenders — but we didn’t get to know her very well because the town was under attack by the Volge and then the town was under attack by Ben’s semi-nuclear bomb and Stahma Tarr kept getting naked every other minute and hopping in the bath, and ain’t nobody complainin’ about that. Also, the old mayor kept trying to blow up everybody because she loves them so much.

“It’s cool. I’m 29 in real life. Crush away.”

Irisa is up on a rooftop in Defiance doing a little tai chi when a butterfly flits down and asks if she can have this dance. Irisa accepts, but her attention is drawn away when the Spirit Riders who saved everyone from the Volge in the pilot roll into town to do some shopping. The leader of the pack, a giant Irathient who is dressed like a steampunk muppet, runs up against some trouble in the market when his adopted daughter gets into a scuffle with a fruit and veggies vendor. He tells her, “You break it you buy it.” And she tells him, “Another idea is I’LL BREAK YOUR FACE.” Luckily, Irisa turns up and shuts it down before somebody gets hurt.

“LOL, yes, they did decide to tone down my makeup since I’m Jaime Murray under here!”

While she’s doing her dad’s job of keeping the peace, literal hell is breaking loose on the rest of the town. Some dumbass goes for a run in the woods in his shiny red Adidas and gets slurped down by some Hellbugs. Another dumbass has fallen into love/a bacon-greasy game of S&M with Kenya* and some Hellbugs burst out of his chest, Alien-style. And over at the Tarrs’, Christine has baked a delicious dinner for her soon-to-be in-laws that gets ruined by Datak’s misogyny and also another Hellbug attack. Christine, of course, goes after those demon insects with a fire poker while Alak hides his face in his mother’s bosom because almost-incest is how young Casthian men deal with every stress, apparently. Datak handles it in the end, though. Just him and his teensy-tiny charge blade.

(*Mia Kirshner is always the absolute best. In the brothel kink scene, she’s frying up sausages with one hand smacking around this guy with the other hand and also riding him and casting glances over her shoulder at one of those Kit Cat Clocks with the shifty eyes and wagging tail that is probably some kind of treasure post-Armageddon. Her voice is cooing him but also saturated with boredom and when the guy’s chest literally explodes, her face is just like, “Well, that was a damn waste of my time.”)

“You think this is kinky? One time Carmen de la Pica Morales peed on me.”

Deputy Tommy and Nolan figure out that somebody is rubbing Hellbug pheromones all over the townspeople as a very gross, very clever way to do some murdering.