$teve is not a name...it's a state of mind. From McGarrett to Young to Wonder to Austin to Vai to Ray Vaughan to Largent to Nash to Spielberg to Carell to Colbert to Martin to King to McQueen, all are great...but a $teve by any other name would still be just as great.

Friday, February 24, 2012

BALL SO HARD!!! That sh*t cra...

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Busy week at work as usual… and occasionally I’ve been able to find a little levity. Oh, there was one little incident I should probably share that was quite awkward. I was at work & looking for something when a manager motioned to me to go into my office to chat. Instantly I thought “Uh oh, did I do something wrong?” She looked at me straight forward and said… and I quote… “You have a gaping hole in the back of your pants.” I kinda laughed a second… and then noticed that she wasn’t laughing. “What?” I start looking & feeling around, probably looking like a ferret was in my pants. “Where?” “It’s right along the… hem of your pants.” I swear she wanted to say “crack of you’re a$$” but she’s far too lady like in that setting. Yeah, apparently there was about a 4-6 inch “gaping hole” in the hem of my crotch… at work… with no change of clothing. Luckily I knew of a seamstress in the office… but basically had to hang out in the men’s room for about 10-15 minutes while they were fixed. Good times, right? Better a boss to find out than a client, right?

So I’ve gotten around to playing “Assassin's Creed II” which my brother bought me for Xmas… and it’s pretty sweet. I REALLY like maps that you get to navigate through. For those who have never played, it’s basically the tale of somebody basically reliving ancestral memories during Renaissance Italy using a super computer or something. (Not sure on the details, but just go with it). So you’re an Italian noble… and there’s revolution… and betrayal… and you’re on a path of vengeance to avenge the murder of your father & brothers… and it’s beautiful set in the cities of Florence, Rome and some Tuscan villas. It’s a pretty cool game with a lot of variety & smooth mapping. I highly recommend it… and I think I’m only like a third of the way through it… maybe, I have no idea… but it rocks.

Thursday night, I went to Yoshi's with Dizzy to enjoy some fine Japanese cuisine (and bacon wrapped lobster tail) as well as the musical stylings of The Motet... who specialize in funky covers of Grateful Dead & Pink Floyd songs... but tonight it was just the Dead... and it rocked. I highly recommend taking advantage of any opportunity to hear them live... as well as purchase their CDs for $1. That's right... an entire CD... for ONE DOLLAR!!! I've got mine. Here's some news...

Carla Bruni Update - Just in time for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, a French mayor's plan to erect a statue of President Nicolas Sarkozy's former supermodel wife Carla Bruni in worker's attire has angered the opposition and embarrassed the first lady. Jacques Martin, the mayor of Nogent-sur-Marne to the east of Paris and member of Sarkozy's UMP party, commissioned the statue to honor the mostly Italian immigrant women who used to work at a feather factory in the town (why am I thinking about French maids chasing each other all of a sudden?). But when French daily Le Parisien on Sunday revealed the plan for the statue more than two metres (six-and-a-half feet) tall, at a cost of over 80,000 Euros, the opposition and even the first lady's friends were up in arms. A source close to Bruni-Sarkozy said she agreed to model for sculptor Elisabeth Cibot as she admires her work, but that "it was never suggested that her name would appear." Modelling "is her former job, she no longer does it commercially, but she's often asked to do it, and she often agrees, and always without being paid," the source said… possibly chuckling a little bit. But the swiftly gathering scandal "is using something that has nothing to do with politics to political ends," one of her friends said, requesting anonymity & another glass of champagne. William Geib of the Socialist opposition said the idea of dressing up a likeness of the Italian heiress and pop singer as a worker was "grotesque." "It's an insult to the Italian feather workers, to give them the face of an extremely rich person. I have nothing against Carla Bruni-Sarkozy but she does not represent the workers' world." Michel Gilles, a local member of the right-wing opposition, slammed what he said was a "political coup" ahead of the April-May two-round presidential election, which opinion polls say right-wing leader Sarkozy is likely to lose (but may make a comeback in the second round?). Martin said he voted in favor of the statue at a council meeting last year. "But it was never mentioned that it would have Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's features," Gilles said. The statue is reportedly costing 82,000 Euros (about $108,000), of which the town hall is paying half, and exactly what it will look like is being kept top secret. Look, I don’t get it… I feel like it’s all political BS as usual. Why? Let’s say you want to make a statue about… a cowboy, to commemorate the old west in some sh*t town in Wyoming. The artist is looking for a model… and in lieu of paying someone, they get an offer to model for free from someone who’s exactly what they’re looking for… like Brad Pitt in his Thelma & Louise attire. It’s exactly what they’re looking for & pro bono. Done. No controversy. Wanna know why everybody is in financial crisis & angry? Because politicians focus on stupid sh*t like this instead of getting to solutions for the world’s problems. Besides, she’s no Julie Newmar… but Carla Bruni is still, in a word, statuesque! (That’s right, it’s a “To Wong Foo” reference, deal with it)

Napoleon's 'Gac - A Dutch antique trader is selling his collection of over 5,000 unopened bottles of Cognac and other liquors, which he claims is the biggest of its kind. The most precious bottle in Bay van der Bunt's collection (which is valued at 6 million Euros or about $8 million) dates back to 1795 and was a Cognac taken by Napoleon's army on campaign for the officers. Van der Bunt estimates that bottle is worth between 100,000 and 150,000 Euros. However, anyone interested in that particular bottle may be disappointed: he does not want to sell his bottles one by one, but would prefer to sell the entire collection, which was started by his great grandfather in 1880, to a single buyer by the end of this year (Everything must go! It’s a full literal liquidation sale!). "We are aiming at a wealthy Russian or Chinese buyer, because we think people from these countries are willing to spend their money on this," said Bart Laming, who is handling the publicity for the sale. Van der Bunt wants to sell his collection to someone with a passion for liquor, but also wants a buyer who is prepared to keep the bottles unopened rather than savoring their contents. "In this respect we certainly are afraid that a potential buyer would empty some of them. We will screen potential buyers to minimize that risk". So to make sure I got this straight… he wants somebody to pay several million dollars for a bunch of booze… but not distribute them or get high on their own supply? Basically he wants to be paid ludicrous amounts of money for somebody else to hold onto his booze instead of paying for storage? Good luck with that homey. And I raise my glass! (sip of Courvoisier)

Tongan Branding - A luger from the south Pacific island of Tonga caused a stir at the world championships in Altenberg last week. No, not for his unusual choice of sport or the surprising fact that there are actually lugers in the south Pacific… but for his name, which he had changed to that of his sponsor. Bruno Banani was born Fuahea Semi but changed his name to that of a German underwear maker as he seeks to become his nation's first winter Olympian at the 2014 Games in Sochi, Russia. His move angered International Olympic Committee Vice President Thomas Bach, who called it a "perverse marketing idea." Really? THAT is perverse marketing… and you’re VP for the Olympic committee? I suggest you move out of your glass house into an apartment made out of straw before you start throwing comments like that out. "It is of bad taste to change your name to that of a sponsor. That is too much for me. This has nothing to do with proper marketing," Bach said. However, Bach did go on to say that should the Tongan qualify for the Sochi Games there would be nothing the IOC could do to stop him from competing under that name. "I do not think that we can react to this if that is the name in his passport," Bach said. The IOC is extremely sensitive to ambush marketing tactics during Olympic Games as it seeks to protect its sponsors who have paid hundreds of millions for the rights to advertise (BINGO!!!). Earlier a Tonga official told reporters the move was to raise money as the country seeks to send their first athlete to the Winter Games. As a marketing degree holder, I like it. Why not? If Chad Johnson can change his name to Ochocinco & be as stupid as he wants to be... for free… than I think that Michael Phelps can change his name to Subway Torpedo if the price is right. If boxers can wear advertisements for casino while they bludgeon a man to death in the ring, then who can stop the ring announcer from proclaiming the new WBC welterweight champion Taco Bell-Grande? (Surprise twist: The new champion is Welsh. Now who’s being racist?) If in a joint venture with several companies I want to change my name to $5 Footlong Banana Republic, thenthat’s between me & my sponsors. By the way, not sure why I’ve got Subway on the brain… but it’s probably due to a marketing ploy. Play on Bruno! Good luck against Calvin Klein!

Rapunzel Number - Scientists said on Friday that a "Rapunzel Number" may have helped them to crack a problem that has perplexed humanity since Leonardo da Vinci pondered it 500 years ago. Scientists from the University of Cambridge and the University of Warwick said they had devised a "Ponytail Shape Equation", which when calculated using the Rapunzel Number and a measure of the curliness of hair can be used to predict the shape of any ponytail. Cambridge's Professor Raymond Goldstein told Reuters that he and his colleagues took account of the stiffness of individual hairs, the effects of gravity and the average waviness of human hair to come up with their formula. The Rapunzel Number provides a key ratio needed to calculate the effects of gravity on hair relative to its length. "That determines whether the ponytail looks like a fan or whether it arcs over and becomes nearly vertical at the bottom," Goldstein said in a telephone interview. The research also took into account how a bundle of hair is swelled by the outward pressure which arises from collisions between the component hairs. That’s right. Scientists studied the hell out of this… and even da Vinci wondered about it (probably during his ancient years). Why? Scientists said the work has implications for understanding the structure of materials made up of random fibers, such as wool and fur and will have resonance with the computer graphics and animation industry, where the representation of hair has been a challenging problem. So yes, to make your favorite Pixar flicks all the more believable. "Our findings extend some central paradigms in statistical physics and show how they can be used to solve a problem that has puzzled scientists and artists ever since Leonardo da Vinci remarked on the fluid-like streamlines of hair in his notebooks 500 years ago," Goldstein said. The research was conducted by Goldstein, Professor Robin Ball from the University of Warwick and their colleagues. It will be presented to the American Physical Society in Boston on February 28. So… yeah… nothing really to say about this. Just thought it was… interesting. Scientists are studying your ponytails ladies (and hippies).

Well, that'll do it for today. So little time to do these things... and I'm still figuring out my new laptop. So much faster but... trust me 'puter, I know what I'm doing. Just let me do it. I don't need your help. Have a great weekend everybody!!!