I need help with a major wardrobe decision. Over the past year, I’ve lost nearly 80 pounds, and have finally reached my goal weight of 135. Naturally, I need an entirely new set of clothes. The weirdest thing, however, is that my feet have also shrunk, between a half and a full shoe size. They’ve even gotten narrower! So I need new shoes. I want something sexy and strappy and suitable for dancing the night away. Please help.

Lisa

Manolo says, the Manolo’s friend Lisa is to be congratulated on her accomplishment, as losing the unnecessary weight is truly one of the hardest things in the world to do.

Indeed, the Manolo, himself, has long struggled with his own poor genetics and powerful appetites. He was not blessed with the long, thin, elegant silhouette which has been the fashion in the West since the medieval times. Nor is the Manolo one of those people who can subsist on barley water and bran rusks, preferring in the stead, savory roasts and vegetables in the cream sauces.

And thus, if asked to describe his own current figure, the Manolo would answer, “somewhat thickish around the middle” (although the judges would also have accepted “Falstaffian”).

Sigh.

Thank goodness for the custom tailoring and the male foundation garments!

At the end of July I’m going to a big deal wedding in Atlanta. I’ve already picked out my dress, a muted floral with a generally light peach tone, but now I need a pair of shoes to go with. What do you suggest?

Moncia

Manolo says, ayyyy! Hotlanta in July! Fiddle-dee-dee and thank goodness for the invention of the air conditioning!

And now the Manolo must admit that despite his many visits to the Atlanta he does not fully understand this city. On the one of the hands, Atlanta seems as Southern as Southern can be, at every turn celebrating it’s historic Southern heritage with as much enthusiasm as any place in America. Indeed, it is difficult to escape from the club of Gone-With-the Wind Southerness with which the city attempts to beat the unsuspecting visitor over the head.

And yet, on the other of the hands, whenever the Manolo visits Atlanta he seems to encounter only the transplanted Yankees and their progeny.

“We moved here from Boston in ’92, y’all” said the lady in Lennox Square Mall, “My brotha came down in ’94.”

And yet, on the third of the hands, Atlanta is indisputably the world-class city of entertainment and business, the home of Coca-Cola, CNN, and Elton John.

Manolo says, the Manolo apologies to his internet friends for the paucity of posts. He has been traveling this weekend, enjoying the Southern hospitality in the most pleasant (although very humid and full of cicadas) city of Nashville.

While you are waiting for the Manolo to return, here is the pair of Stuart Weitzman platform sandals the Manolo saw on the feets of the Southern lady yesterday.

“A shoe is more than a shoe,” the designer Maud Frizon once rhapsodized. “It is movement and repose; it is human contact with the earth.”

Oh, those shoe designers. They do get a little carried away. What else could account for the giddy names they often bestow on their creations?

Not all of them, of course. As I explained in my previous post about shoe names, some shoe brands follow logical naming formulas, using the first letter of a shoe’s name to identify its last (the shape on which it’s built) or its season.

And then there are the other names. The crazy, wackaloon names that make a shoe shopper wonder aloud, “What were they smoking?”

Exhibit A: this lovely Spring 2011 style from Aquatalia by Marvin K, available in platinum calf or black patent leather, with a fetching zipper in the back. It’s called—for no earthly reason I can discern—Flubby.

I would have named it anything but Flubby

Dear Mr. Marvin K: Why? Surely you knew that “Flubby” was not a secret internal code but a name visible to every online shopper and many sharp-eyed store shoppers, too. What were you thinking? “Flabby”? “Flubber”? “To botch or bungle”?

This is not, by the way, Aquatalia’s first TNTSW (“They Named That Shoe What?!?”) moment. Consider Exhibit B, a tall, handsome boot from Fall 2009:

Me, I might have named this boot something horsey, like Derby or Gallop. But not Aquatalia by Marvin K. Nope, they named the boot Smirk.

Now, a boot like this one might make you beam or grin in delight. One hopes, however, that it would not make you “smile in an affected, often offensively self-satisfied manner”—which is the definition of smirk.

I don’t mean to pick on Aquatalia (a brand name that quite reasonably blends “aqua”—the brand focuses on waterproof footwear—and “Italia,” where the shoes are manufactured). Let’s take a look at another nutty inspired namer from right here in the US of A, Stuart Weitzman.

A classic, versatile sandal in croc-patterned leather, yes? And look! It’s available in tons of sizes and widths. Think for a minute about the images and events this sandal evokes. Think about asking your favorite shoes salesperson to bring it to you. Now imagine choking on the style name: Rimactivity.

Rim. Activity. I’m a tough cookie, but honestly? I’m blushing.

Also in the current Stuart Weitzman collections: Blog, a conservative pump no blogger of my acquaintance would ever wear.

Blog, also available in basic black.

Weitzman is also partial to punny names like Russiahour (for a sporty, shiny oxford) and mouthfuls like Midpuffystuff (for a ladylike patent-leather kitten-heel pump).

But wait, it gets weirder! (Literally: I once encountered a Naturalizer shoe named Weirda.) Here, from Tsubo, is a slingback peep-toe pump that looks perfectly proper—even, you might say, angelic.

Manolo says, the Eve of the New Year’s, it approaches! And you will undoubtedly need the beautiful shoes in which to trip the fantastic light, shoes that are sparkly and festive, such as the Tryst from Stuart Weitzman.

My question is Washington related: have you heard of the Miss Sinergy pageant? It’s a beauty pageant that raises money for Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. (They asked me to host the event, so I’m coming up this weekend.) Have you ever written about what shoes to wear in a beauty pageant? Flashy, but sensible so there’s no tripping on stage; alluring, but not overtly sexy.

Dan Renzi

Manolo says, ayyyyy! It is the letter from the reality-television-star-turned-writer Dan Renzi, of the Real World Miami and other such amusing bits of MTV generated content, and he is asking the Manolo the question about the beauty pagent!

Reality television, beauty pageants, and shoes! If this is not the ultimate confluence of everything fabulous, then the Manolo does not know what is.

Of the course, the Manolo could write the whole book about what sort of shoes should be worn by the would-be beauty queens. Not only must the shoes embody the ultimate in super fantasticness, but they should also allow the well-trained contestant to glide gracefully across the stage without the danger of toppling over onto her sash.

in this hypothetical book about the shoes for the beauty pageants, there were be many chapters devoted to properly matching the shoe to the event. For the example, the shoes for the Ms. Oily Butter Coconut Sun Bikini Tart would be very different from those for the future Miss Sinergy, who will be crowned in the enjoyably decorous event held at the Swedish Embassy’s House of Sweden in Georgetown, tomorrow night, October 16th, 2010. (But, please go to http://misssinergy.com for the more information.)

Manolo says, it is autumn and all you can think about is the new suede boots to wear to all of those autumnal events which require the suede boots. Look! Here is the Prez from Stuart Weitzman, the simple, sexy, suede boot that will be the perfect thing to wear when that broad-shouldered fellow with the cornflower blue eyes asks you to accompany him on the jaunt through the colorfully leafy countryside.

What is your opinion of office romances? There’s a super cute single guy in my workplace whose attention I wish to attract. At the same time, I need to maintain my professional demeanor. Can you recommend something that is subtly seductive and yet appropriate for work?

Maya

Manolo says, unlike most of the other so-called “career consultants”, the Manolo is very pro office romance.

Yes, there is the strong danger that the affair may go awry leaving you obsessed with the jerky-jerk-face ex-boyfriend whom you will encounter each time you go to the copy machine.

Indeed, you may become so obsessed that you could spend all of your time at the office weeping, eating junk food pilfered from the communal refrigerator, and plotting this man’s return to your embrace and/or gruesome death (as the case may be).

As you spiral downward, you could begin to confide inappropriate personal romantic details with important clients and janitors, your personal hygiene could suffer, and pajama bottoms might begin to seem like the good choice for professional attire.

And, lickity-splitity, you could be out on the street living in the cardboard box, unemployed.

But, these dangers, as real as they are, pale in comparison to finding true love, no?

Here is the Missmadison from Stuart Weitzman, the scarlet suede pump, that when paired with the dark-colored business attire could get the job done.

Manolo says, one of the Manolo’s internet friends has asked him the question.

I am in a quandary re. red shoes. I can find amazing evening ones, but not respectable daytime ones. I know red is hardly respectable, but it seems to give a nice jolt to a day outfit, if only one can find the right pair. Any thoughts or suggestions? Or should I just stick with red evening shoes? Thank you!

Dana

Since the Manolo does not know whether these hypothetical shoes of the daytime jolt are to be worn casually or professionally, the Manolo will make the three suggestions to cover the range of possibilities.

This is Petra from Donald J. Pliner, the wonderfully tomato red casual loafer of reputed comfort that would undoubtedly look good at the bottom of your legs, which could be wearing either the pants, the shorts, or the sporty skirt.

If the red shoes of the Pliner are too sportif, and not enough joltif, then perhaps these flame colored patent leather wedges, the Lacross from the Stuart Weitzman, would be more to your liking. Not only are they sufficiently attention gathering, but they are also on the sale, reduced more than $130 of American dollars.

Finally, if your intentions are to perhaps stun your officemates into the state of heightened alertness, the Manolo would recommend these peep-toe pumps from the Marc by Marc Jacobs (also currently on the sale) as being suitable for wearing to the place of employment.

Of the course, as everyone knows, red shoes have the complicated history of dangerousness. They have long been the symbol of excessive vanity and frivolity, and yet, they are also irresistible to those of us who have eyes to see.

I have a question about shoe etiquette. I recently attended a funeral for a work acquaintance, and was shocked to see that many of the younger women present were wearing sandals. I’ve always assumed that this was inappropriate. Your thoughts?

Helen

Manolo says, frankly, the ways of the modern world continue to disappoint and frighten the Manolo, and nothing moreso than the casual manner in which we now treat all of the most important events in our lives.

All except for the weddings, that is, which are now routinely celebrated with bumptiously grandiose ceremonies worthy of the Mughal emperors. Unfortunately, everything else, from the weekly worship services, to the christenings, to the funerals, is attended by gangs of people dressed as if they were heading out for the day at the theme park, in khaki shorts, novelty t-shirts, sandals and fanny packs.

And although it is now no longer strictly necessary to wear the black clothing to the funerals, one should still always dress in the respectful manner, in modest clothing and muted colors, and with the closed-toe shoes on the feets. Leave the cleavage, both bosom and toe, for your next trip the disco. It is important to remember that you are not the focus of this event.

A junior diplomat of my acquaintance has invited me to the French Embassy for a Bastille Day party. It’s an evening affair with dinner and dancing, so I’m wearing a long, strapless, cerulean blue, chiffon dress. I’m also considering wearing red shoes and a white shawl in honor of the French tricolore. Please advise.

Patricia

Manolo says, how marvelous to be celebrating liberté, égalité, fraternité in this most exclusive of settings, with the French bureaucrats and their dates stuffing themselves with frog legs and snails and the insouciant little Burgundy, and then shaking their euro-booties to Johnny Hallyday’s latest smash hit.

Vive le rock ‘n’ roll, indeed!

Unfortunately, the Manolo must advise against adorning oneself in the colors of the French flag. Leave such sartorial symbolism to Marianne in her Phrygian cap and tricolor cockade. (Undoubtedly, she will put in the brief appearance near the end of the evening, hoisting the drapeau tricolore aloft and leading the tipsy masses in the rousing version of the Marseillaise… Aux armes, citoyens! May the impure blood of the aristocrats water our furrows!)

You, on the other hand, must look your absolute best, and be on your best behavior, so that your companion is not publically shamed, the consequences of which may be best expressed by the phrase “posted to the consulate of the breakaway Republic of Southwestern Chad.”

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Manolo the Shoeblogger is not Mr. Manolo Blahnik. This website is not affiliated in any way with Mr. Manolo Blahnik, any products bearing the federally registered trademarks MANOLO®, BLAHNIK® or MANOLO BLAHNIK®, or any licensee of said federally registered trademarks. The views expressed on this website are solely those of the author.