Is there anything funnier than tiny cat pants?

I’m Feeling a Little Cheated by the Bordeaux Library

It’s fine. Really. But I’m just not seeing this kind of behavior among my librarians. Um, I guess that link is probably not safe for work. Unless you work at a library, where apparently things are at a level of sexiness surpassed only by fire stations.

But this begs the question. Why are firefighters sexier than police officers?

If I had to rank public servants, I’d go 1. firefighters; 2. librarians; 3. EMTs; 4. teachers; 5. police officers. But firefighters and police officers are natural enemies, like cats and dogs or peanut butter and jelly. So, perhaps it behooves us to wonder, just momentarily, why firefighters are at the top of the heap.

Here’s my theory: It’s the giant pants. We learn to be positively predisposed to giant pants as children, putting on the pants of our parents, being handed down the giant pants of our older relatives. Giant pants say “there’s room for you.” And then, as we get older, we come to associate giant pants with clowns, which for anyone born in the post-Stephen-King era, means we associate giant pants with heightened emotions, usually terror, and the fun of having that terror relieved. And then you stick good looking people in those big pants? With the hint that maybe we will be able to see down those pants?

It’s just a cultural recipe for sexy.

Edited to add: I should give a shout-out to Rachel for pointing me in the direction of these sexy librarians. Thanks, Rachel.

B., I think there may be a psychological factor you’ve overlooked. When firefighters are called to a scene, nearly everyone is happy to see them. Not so with police. Unfortunately, our nation’s law enforcement ‘communities’ have made themselves into somewhat segregated ‘communities’, or at least they’ve allowed that general impression to spread to the public. Thanks in part to our own negligence as citizens (e.g. in allowing ‘drug war’ laws to militarize our police forces), police have become public servants who we often look at with mixed feelings. I’m not happy with this, because I work with cops all the time and I appreciate the difficulty of their jobs, but it’s a sad truth. Also, I’m not suggesting that firefighters are generally more honest or lovable than cops, but consider who you’d be more afraid of after a nasty breakup or a first date gone bad. I’m guessing it’s not the firefighter. Also, there’s Anthony Bologna. Not exactly a hero to anyone outside of the cruel, reactionary asshole set.

Firefighters will carry you to safety! In their own arms, if necessary. You have the wonderful combination of “I am absolutely there for you and in your corner, no matter what,” and “I am a capable and muscular hunk,” right there in one image. No believer in romantic fantasies could ask for more. Well, maybe if the firefighter rescuing you was also already your best friend and! could discuss Shakespeare and Nabokov with you on the way through the flames. But, really, that would just be gravy.

Sam, more seriously, do the applicant pools for the police and the fire fighters overlap tremendously in Chicago the way they have done historically in NYC? It’s basically the same bunch of people trying to get either job — it’s the training that makes the difference in how they behave once they’re on the job.

NM, so what you’re saying is that, if Sam poses for another calendar, he should somehow be half-naked in his big pants, rescuing a sexy librarian while they discuss literature? It would be like the apotheosis of public worker sexy!

W., I feel bad for Jared because he certainly should have had the big pants sexy thing going for him, but they made him treat his big pants solely like evidence of his weight-loss, which ruined their sexiness. I would posit, though, that he could be sexy in a dorky way in hip waders, though.

I have a long, difficult day ahead. However, I am so clicking on that link as SOON as I get home tonight. I need to see me some sexy librarians. And then I’m going to hunt up some sexy firefighter pictures, strictly for research and comparison purposes, of course.

I’ve had a Comments Crush on Sam Holloway for awhile now. Not in the Stalkerish You Need To Worry kind of way. More in the I’d Like To Have The Opportunity To Meet Sam Holloway In A Bar And Talk About Life kind of way. And the thought of him in big pants, talking about literature, and rescuing cats…well, that’s enough to make me swoon.

You make a fascinating point, nm. I’ll have to think about that. I believe there is some overlap in our applicant pools, but I’ve noticed that we have quite a few former cops in our ranks, and I’ve been told that it very rarely goes in the other direction. We have a lot of ex-military in both jobs, of course, and I’ve also discovered that a good number of my colleagues moonlight as suburban cops. It’s a weird situation. I know it’ll never happen through official channels, but I’d love to see a big recruiting push for more women and gay men. I don’t know why, but I just have a feeling it would really improve the culture of the department.

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