The Devolution Of Gloria Allred

FINALLY, Gloria Allred will get her day in Lindsay Lohan court. After all the skanks Gloria has represented in the name of truth, justice and the American way, she was NEVER called into any of Lindsay’s many kerfuffles. (I love that word.) But now, as Lohan gets arrested for the umpteenth time and hauled into the precinct, a place she can soon call her home again, Gloria is taking the opposing side and representing that hag in question, Florida psychic, Tiffany Mitchell.

This bitch looks like she came to New York to up her ante. And how with Gloria, she will get what she came for. A sucker punch in the bad make-up.

FROM MARCH 18, 2011

Truth, Justice and the Hookeriest American Way.

You’ve got to love Gloria Allred. She is the omnipresent voice of reason, or voice anyway, in just about every court case on Earth. She is the Energizer Bunny of Law (GloBu). Allred takes on any case that is guaranteed a covering press corps, most notably the Happy Hookers of Tiger Woods, Rachel Uchitel andJoselyn James. Gloria’s case file reads like a venerable Who’s Who of Who Cares. She has stood tall with women of all sizes and colors in the name of justice, or 50% of the take. In certain situations, Gloria just chimes in even though she is not officially involved in the case, such in the Octomom saga, where she accused Nadya Suleman of of being an opportunist. Takes one to know one. Recently she piped up with an open letter to the court regarding the Mel Gibson case. Well, Oksana Grigorieva would have been the perfect client for GloBu. Do I sense sour grapes? Could it be that Gloria is losing her touch? Seems like GloBu is just talking about a lot of cases rather than actually working on them. She was also right in there blabbering about Charlie Sheen’s kids. Boy would Brooke Mueller have been a doozy of a client, a.k.a. the one that got away.

Gloria would have paid Lindsay to walk this concrete carpet.

There is an article about Lindsay Lohan and her courtroom fashion choices in The New York Times Style section by Ruth La Ferla. The best part of the article includes Little Gloria Unhappy At Last Allred, who was quick to chime in and judge Lindsay. “If anything, her outfits are alienating,” Ms. Allred said. Sounds like someone we know is frustrated for not snagging Lohan as a client. Besides, those two would be clawing for positioning in front of the camera, so it would never work. Give me Lindsay Lohan over any of Madame Allred‘s hookers or damsels in distress any day.

She did resemble Linda Carter (Wonder Woman), well the hair anyway.

Gloria Allred started out as the Superman (though she’d probably like to be called the Wonder Woman) of the law, taking on such institutions such as Boy Scouts of America, Aaron Spelling and The Friars Club representing women’s rights. She has sued Senators, took on Dodi Al Fayed, and anyone who remotely seemed like a bully. Over the years, however, Globu has evolved her brand into a media bully, jumping onto cases where she knows she will get extensive coverage, as was the case of Chase Bank versus Debrahlee Lorenzana, the sultry bank teller with a heart of gold. She stood by Amber Heard, the other woman in the murder case against Scott Peterson, an awkward spot if ever there was one, and a host of other sensational courtroom dramas. But none as major as the O.J. Simpson versus Nicole Brown’s family in THE case of the last century. I am sure Ms. Allred has no plans of slowing down. Not while priests are still molesting little children. Oh, come on, you know that’s next.