Tag Archive | Self discovery

There are times when life is kind of like a flood. You get washed away and there’s no traction to hold on to anything. I have wanted to update, share, encourage, inspire and more. I will explain and then some. Please enjoy the ride here, I have much to tell and hang in till the end. A year is a lot of catch up.

I have really wanted to give you an update with what happens when you ask this question “What would someone who loves themselves do?” I stepped into a new life on year two. Year one was all about discovering what it would be like (and then some) and year 2 was all about making the changes of what happened in year one. It was a very “take charge of change” kind of year.

In August last year, I went to a personal retreat called the “Happiness Retreat” and it was life changing. It was the beginning of understanding boundaries for the first time. It was really knowing how to separate “What’s mine and what’s yours”. Which then led to the choice of change.

Rewiring my brain. Didn’t even know that existed and now that seems to be all that I have done. I made a decision that I had it within my abilities to undo many of the patterns that kept me frozen and stuck. My limbic system was evident of that. From August – October I did EMDR. It’s a type of brain rewiring. And then I got a really big gift sent my way. It was on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) with Nick Ortner. I decided to take a leap and try something that I hated for the last 8 years. I had been introduced to EFT with my first son the year he was born. I never thought I’d get past what happened. Because he was so alert and sensitive his first year, I was unable to apply the tapping while he was sleeping on my body. The vibration of it would wake him up, leaving me feeling like I was held hostage. I never wanted try it again. Then one day, Wayne Dyer introduced his friend Nick Ornter with the Tapping Solution. I was curious enough to try it and I am so grateful I did! I was completely surprised how given a different approach on the same subject made a difference. From October January I did a lot of EFT. It was amazing how effective it was on releasing the hooks and charges in my body. I got very very clear that my goal was emotional freedom. Not only was it my goal, it was working. Tapping is like having a magic wand in your finger. It is VERY cool.

I became really good at knowing the difference between reaction and resilience. I found myself freeing my body and mind up in ways I never knew possible. I have many many profound stories that I will share over time. Each one has helped many and inspired many. I just needed this time in my life to go inward and find the breakthroughs. There were so many. I was freed in so many ways I can’t say enough how absolutely magnificent things have changed. With my family and with all of my PTSD’s that I have carried. It’s like for every PTSD I had, 3 babies of PTSD’s were born. I was feeling like my world was getting smaller and smaller. That has all changed.

In January, I went to Maui to see Wayne Dyer give a conference on Forgiveness. There were many speakers that gave life changing points of view for me. Each speaker had their own message of healing for me. I will share these as well. By not having been on here for a while, I found it hard knowing how to jump back in without being weird that I was missing in action. I didn’t have a way of being open with the dialogue without sharing all the details.

I was able to fly on a plane with ease. I had great health on that trip (which was my biggest concern for my adrenals.) I never experienced any winter SAD that I have in the last 10 years. I was even able to travel to Florida with my family a week after my trip to Maui. I hadn’t been in 8 years and my father in law was begging me to come. He wanted to know if I could just drink enough wine to get there…”please will you just come”. I had so much PTSD from the trip 8 years ago I was so afraid to go. It was a success (minus the major panic attack that happened driving from West Palm Beach airport to Fort Lauderdale. Also, the airport leaving the kids car seats in Baltimore Maryland and driving the kids in Miami without any seats after a 22 hr day didn’t bode well with me or my nerves. I definitely lost it when I got to the car rental place for the seats).

As I crossed into the 2 year anniversary of this question I can see just how much change took place from year one to year two. Even though I didn’t ask the question daily the 2nd year, I was able to have a very different experience of what a living practice of Self-love looks like. It doesn’t look glamorous from the outside. It doesn’t look glamorous from the inside either, however what it does look like is resiliency. Choices made came from a very different place. There was also a devouring of new information, teachers, books, etc.

In June, I was very fortunate to have been able to go back to Maui. Yes, twice in one year is miraculous seeing I haven’t ever been before. I went to a writer’s conference with Wayne Dyer, Doreen Virtue, Nancy Levine and Reid Tracey. It was amazing. There were 500 writers in one room and the brilliance was beyond words. I learned so much and no stone was unturned. I have great clarity and that is where I come to you today.

My Platform

I spent a lot of time building a relationship with all of my readers. And when I began working on my book (and raising a 2-year-old and 7-year-old) I found myself in a bind. I was losing my ability to be engaged with both avenues. I was only able to find the time for my book. It was a lot of editing and a lot of re editing and then more editing. This left me with little creative energy for my blog. Lesson learned. And I promise with this book there will be a lot more communication. I may even be asking for help with stories to share.

You are who I am writing this for. I choose to deliver to you what you desire to read. Without you, I have no one to inspire. I know that what I have learned has the ability to change someone’s life. I know that my stories mean something to more than just me. The tools I have picked up are invaluable. There is a lot of wisdom that has come through me. It is not mine, it’s in the universal language of healing that is for people who need the strength that I have carried.

In my awareness, I felt like I appeared hot and cold here, I was feeling bad that I was unable to be present with communicating my whereabouts. After all, I was in some form of coaching, therapy, or counseling for 3-4 days a week. It was a time for me to really change my reaction to the way everything came to me and start learning resiliency. And I did. Boy did I ever. It is very peaceful (for the most part) in my home. I still get angry and disregulated at times, but I am not disassociated as much (maybe once a week and sometimes once a month, as opposed to everyday). As I said, it was a time for breakthroughs- Breaking through the habits, breaking through the fears and illusions, breaking through the anger and resentment. Most of all, it was about learning how to be with me.

I am currently working on another book. It is something very special as I had a huge epiphany in Maui with it. I thought it was from the last 2 years. In fact, it is from the last 30 years. I will spend time sharing these stories from Maui over the next few weeks. It is summertime, and I will do my best to have some kind of schedule and discipline. With the kids out of school it’s not so straight forward. I may have to get up at 5 am…egads.

My Biggest Wish

It is without a doubt that coming here and writing to my audience that have taken an interest in my journey, means a lot to me. What would mean more for me is to be able to build a solid relationship with you, one full of dialogue, surveys, questions and more questions. I want to know what you would like me to write about. Your interests, the people who influence you the most. Whether you would rather do a teleconference with me on subjects that we can survey with. Whether you would like for me to have videos of simple exercises for bringing emotional freedom into your life. Ways to handle stress, ways to be creative, ways to manifest money and abundance, free classes (1 only or a series of 4 or 2 or 8). ARe you moms, are you young, seniors, been on a long healing journey or are new and stuck and seeking a new way of moving on. I am asking for feedback. I am asking for connection. I am asking so that I can share my stories that directly relate to your interest. I’d like to know if you’d like me to be interviewing others or having me be interviewed. I have had several offers and haven’t jumped into that quite yet. I will soon.

Are you interested in doing new moon calls with letters to the universe? We can do a brainstorming mastermind class. I am great at creating. Creating and healing. We can do calls for intuitive healings. I have a dear friend that does amazing hypnosis. We can do a call for any subject to get help with in your life. Would you like it in a private group/class or like a radio show. Meditations. Whatever you are looking for, let me cater it for you and build it with you. This is SO important to me. AND I choose for it to be fun and joyful.

There are so many ways for us to build a relationship and open dialogue. I can not do it alone. When I ask questions or have surveys, it is my hope that they mean something to you so I may bring value into your life. I am at the threshold of a new world here on my blog. After my writer’s conference (of which there is a contest in December for the winner to be published with Hay House publishing company) I was VERY clear that having a well established large platform matters to get published. I am in the process of creating that now.

My Facebook pages are being revamped over the next couple of weeks. I am combining my art, my blog and my website all in one. It matters apparently to publishing companies and agents to have thousands of LIKES on my Facebook page. I currently have 170. Hmmmm……what would it take to change that? Here is the link. Please if you have not connected with me on Facebook I am there a lot. I love posting quotes I write. I love sharing snippets of my family. My poetry. I love knowing more about you. Please take a moment and click here and LIKE my page and share and share and share. Sharing is Caring, right?

Finally, what if this became a family? You are my tribe. If you have connected with me, then you are one of my people. 🙂 What if I was able to create a brilliant place for us to contribute to one another? What if learning how to live a life of joy was easy? What if my courage and my words brought new awareness into your life and created more living for you? Please join me in this journey of being who you truly BE. I am walking into my fearlessness and it would be nice to know that you will catch me. What else is possible?

I had the wrong link for buying my book and so you couldn’t view it! Funny how life shows up like this sometimes.

With your purchase of Precious Gifts, you will also get a Free Gift from me of a special recording of Singing Bowls that I made. It’s perfect for meditation or just simply relaxing and falling asleep too.

Here’s a preview you can watch.

Thank you for considering purchasing this incredible book. When it’s in your hands, you will see just how much it feels like a work of art. There are over 25 colored images in it bringing the words alive. The energy of it all feels very healing and uplifting.

“And the Day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

~ Anais Nin

Summer *** SPECIAL***

A little more than 24 hours left on my Summer **SPECIAL** (PST time zone)

Ending midnight 7/7/14

Say yes, and be proud of your truth….it will set you free.
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First 10 people gets a great deal. Will you be one of them?
Your calling is waiting for you. Your life purpose is ready to be unfolded. Take a risk and see just how far you can soar.

What would someone who loves themselves do?

“The Time is Now.”

Good through tomorrow 7/7 at MIDNIGHT (PST time zone).

25% OFF on any services that I offer.

First 10 people get a great deal. You can purchase whatever service you are looking for from me.

Don’t delay, ONLY 10 spots and one of them is saved for you! Go for it! It will be the perfect catalyst you were looking for.

“When you hold on to your history, you do so at the expense of your destiny.”

Bishop T.D. Jakes

I just love this quote. It pretty much sums up what I am doing. When we have spent a lifetime defining ourselves from our story, we limit ourselves. Breaking out of this allows one to unfold and discover just how much energy is freed up for you to create. Create your life. Creative expression comes out in a million different ways for everyone. When you let the history go, you are free to create. Free to be and do anything. You have the passion, the drive and the energy to move in any way you want to. Isn’t that worth its weight in gold? Why would you choose anything else.

I know the ego wants to believe and have justice for whatever it is that you are holding on too. Sometimes, all we can do is take baby steps. But with each baby step you take in creating and expressing yourself as you are right now, without the story, you allow life and its mystery’s to live through you.

This morning I witnessed a lot of emotions wanting to surface. It really did not matter what the story was. The emotions wanted to be released. My mind gets really unsettled when stuff wants to bubble up and out in overwhelming ways. So I made every effort to allow it while creating and expressing. I put on my favorite music and for 3 ½ hours I painted. I allowed myself to be nourished by the music, by the colors and by just being present with what is.

I love watercolors. I love that spring wants to emerge out of me. And I love that I found a way to connect with what comforts me while working out the releases. Nothing bad happened, I found myself feeling the music and creating what needed to be expressed without the story. It was powerful. I am thankful that I was able to have this time to myself. Here is what I made.

“Like with all newborns, life is growing, developing and becoming who we inherently are. Let my rebirth allow such joy and freedom as part of my existence.”

Funny how it never really crossed my mind when I started this year commitment that there would be a significant change at 9 months….as if I was birthing myself. It just never crossed my mind. And yet, I would say some kind of transformation took place the last month. Some kind of metamorphosis took place and so even though I don’t feel transformed, I know I am transforming.

Deeper inside (as in looking at myself from the outside in), I see the multi-layers of my mental thinking. Externally (in my mind) I appear weaker and more exhausted and still needing the rest from the last month of sickness (others around me see something totally different I am sure of that). However, deep inside I feel clearer. I feel aligned and I feel stronger and even lighter. It’s such a weird thing to witness.

What I feel is happening has to do with my ego shedding. The external represents all of that. The ego is experiencing so much contrast and the heaviness and emotions and fears and all its wants to keep me held back. I think January was about my life completely unraveling. All the threads. The inner mind is aware of what is happening and my guidance system is working really well. I was talking with a friend yesterday about how as I have been painting I have been losing weight. Some of the weight loss was from my fever bouts where I couldn’t eat, but after I got back on track, my appetite changed. I am less hungry. It crossed my mind that I am feeding and nourishing myself/ my soul at a real “aligned” place and I believe it is giving me what I need. Because of this, I am less hungry. I am still eating and I still get hungry, but I think I have found a difference (a balance) between real hunger and the habit of eating.

It is so hard to know whether or not all these changes and getting sick have to do with the new year and the new energies that come with the year of the wood horse. Or if it is really from all the personal growth and birthing after 9 months of my commitment. What I know for sure is, I have accelerated my personal growth to a point that my soul has expanded to a place that my body is no longer capable of sustaining without some form of integration. The battle between the drive to move forward and live my purpose and the fear that holds me back from my past is evident. So here I am. This is what has brought me to therapy. (At least one of the reasons.). I must find the stamina, the practice and the momentum to integrate this into my body. My intellect has hit a place of “too much input” and I don’t want any more until I can release and move and sustain what I have.

I have been told that exercising/moving my body is a must to integrate all of this. My response is always the same…that it always makes me cry a lot. It’s always been an issue. Doctors look at me with three heads. Friends look at me without any compassion. And years go by with starting and stopping exercise routines, so often because the emotions that come with the movement tend to be over the top. Frankly it’s not fun. Who wants to go for a walk when all it does is bring tears. My acupuncture the other day said something really profound about this. She said, then make it my practice. If it takes 5 months to get past all the tears, then it means all of the stuff that is coming out in the form of tears is stored in my body. This is integrating. Uggh! For me though, it feels like a lifetime of tears that move out. That feeling when things feel “forever”. So my goal for this year is to embrace it.

In fact, my new affirmation that is bringing me much peace is “I now digest and assimilate my life’s lessons with grace and ease.” The bottom line is, it’s time for me to stop running from them. It’s time for me to stop fighting them. It’s time I accept the lessons, as it’s so crystal clear that they don’t go away. (As much as I wish they would.) They need to be digested, assimilated, and integrated into me. And so, I started painting them. Yes, what better way than for me to visually see the truth through colors and let it nourish me that way. I have 6 life lessons that I see. Loving myself, Listening (whether it’s listening to myself or others, I am not clear yet. Both make sense), opening up, receiving joy, letting go and being present. These are my lessons that have shown up throughout my life. Perhaps there is one word to describe several of them, but this is how I heard it. So I will paint each one and let the vibration of that be a compass of healing. I started the listening one yesterday. When I ask what it looks like, I heard “breathing space”.

My journey of self discovery, my journey of integrating my physical body and my soul so inner peace resides and my journey of living authentically continue. I will remind myself often that it’s the journey and not the destination. So I will enjoy the ride.

I pray that my work I am doing has the ability to help others undergo their own transformations. Sometimes it just feels comforting when we know we aren’t the only one going through these growing pains. I have also updated my artwork on my blog under the tab of inspiration/art work if you haven’t seen it yet.

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Miracles and More

Where Self-Love is not only honored but it is celebrated. The time has come where we are all awakening to our heart's essence.

Shakti Chionis – watch my 1 year anniversary video here

What happens when you ask "What would someone who loves themselves do for an entire year?"

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"It's Never Too Late to Become Who You Were Meant to Be."
A years journey in asking myself just one question....ALL day long, and taking action on whatever my intuition says. Motivated by spiritual catalyst, Teal Swan, I set forth on my destiny of self-love.
Read my home page to find out just what that question is....and you will find throughout the blog what miracles happened.

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