My prayers have been answered. After what feels like 80 years, linebacker James Harrison is finally retiring. Making my life hell from 2007 to 2011, Harrison spent these years getting five straight Pro Bowl nods with the Pittsburgh Steelers, a Defensive Player of the Year award in 2008, and a million trillion Instagram workout videos.

Being that this is like the sixth time Harrison has retired, please just stop for good. He posted this on Instagram, followed by (you guessed it) literally 3 workout videos.

A post shared by James Harrison (@jhharrison92) on Apr 16, 2018 at 4:13am PDT

buzz-worthy-

A blizzard is keeping the Packers from starting their offseason workouts. A blizzard in April. Why do you people live there by choice?

Adidas says they'll sign Colin Kaepernick if an NFL team signs him. "We love athletes that have a platform to make the world a better place. If they’re an activist in a way that brings attention to something that moves the world forward, even if there’s controversy at that moment, we’re really interested in those athletes because I think it represents the world today.” - Adidas North America President Mark King. As an Adidas Women teammate, this makes me so happy.

The New York Jets released Matt Forte with a failed physical designation​ on Monday, clearing about $3 million in cap space. Forte announced his retirement in late February.

The excuse is in for when Andy Dalton and the Cincinnati Bengals choke in 2018. "There will be some stuff, plays that were run that will be similar, so I’ll understand them -- it will just be called completely different. And it may be the same play that’s read differently now. It’s the way Bill’s wanting to do it. It’s learning a completely new offense."

Nobody told Travis Kelce the Chiefs were losing a playoff game, until after he got out of the MRI machine. Kelce left the game right before halftime with a concussion, and honestly probably wishes he missed it.

Jacksonville Jaguars LB Paul Posluszny had his own retirement ceremony at EverBank Field on Monday. “I love the game too much and I respect it too much to not be able, physically, to do everything that I’ve done in years past. If that’s a year too early, I’ll regret it, but I’d rather be a year too early than one play too late.”

Chargers' receiver Keenan Allen is deleting tweets about his team's offseason moves, most importantly the signing of Geno Smith and his flat-Earth-believing self.

Willie Snead is present at Saints workouts​, even though he hasn't signed his tender yet. Snead visited the Ravens also (sigh).

WR Josh Gordon re-signs with the Cleveland Browns on the first day of offseason workouts. Gordon returned to the field in 2017 after not being suspended for once, so we'll see how this one turns out.