The letters written below detail the unspoken affection toward the object of Lady Darya's courtly love, Ollimer. They will never actually be seen by him as they are merely an outlet for her to express her unrequited devotion.

There will be sappiness and pining. Continue reading at your own peril!

You have been warned...

***END WARNING***

Last edited by Darya on Sat May 01, 2010 11:03 pm; edited 1 time in total

I find myself whispering your name when I am alone just to hear the word aloud and hoping that somehow you’ll know I’m thinking of you. It crushed me that you had to leave so soon after I’d returned from my mission, but your commitment to your duties is one of your many qualities which I hold in such high esteem!

Had I the courage, I would tell you what I feel for you, and the way your sudden appearance in my life has encouraged me to press on through any danger and difficulty that I may encounter in these lands. Your mere presence for those brief minutes has emboldened me in ways I could never have imagined!

But…

Who am I that your gaze would fall upon me? What am I but the youngest daughter of the youngest noble house in a small corner of Faerun… I have nothing. I am nothing but what I’ve been trained to do. My accomplishments are few. I aspire to become what I believe you to be. A true and useful instrument of the Morninglord! Aiding those whom he wills, and setting the faithful onto the paths he wishes us to tread.

I would ask nothing of you, but to allow me to stand once again in your presence. To be warmed by the morning light reflected off of your golden hair. Tomorrow my companions and I walk again into grave danger, but I do not fear death, nor capture nor torture at the hands of any evil priest. What I fear is that I may never see you again. I fear that I might never again feel the weight of your eyes on me, nor the touch of your hand on my cheek…

Szaraal is a comfort to me in your absence, and seems to listen when I go on about your countless charms. He and the Lantern remind me always that you are so much more than a dream, and they are a constant source of Hope that perhaps one day soon I will meet you again.

How deep the darkness of the evening seems to me now... It's as if I had been standing too long next to a bright flame, and now I'm left here blinded by the radiance that was so quickly stolen away!

We celebrated the Greengrass festival today in Thurmaster, and I welcomed in the first day of Spring without you. I purchased a blue dress for the occasion that does no justice to the color of your eyes, but reminds me of that day in the forest when you turned back to look at me.... I find myself growing more and more anxious for your return, and today being such an important day in the Faith, I led myself to believe that perhaps this would be the day when I would see you again! Wherever your duties have sent you I know that you are serving the one who brings the Spring, and that somewhere you are celebrating as well.

Do you realize what you have done to my heart? How the poor thing aches at the mere memory of you, and trembles whenever your name is mentioned? Jace spoke of you today. A kindness that you'd done for him. I thought my heart would beat out of my chest when I heard him tell the simple tale, and it made me miss you all the more, but any agony I feel during your absence will be well worth the suffering, that moment I am able to hear your voice again.

I often wonder if you knew of this passion I have for you, if you would disapprove... Would you try to dissuade me? Could you understand that there is no other course for me but to love you? I've grown up among nobles and all their finery. I've been trained by and with paladins and priests devoted to the ideals of the Morninglord. I've known men of such goodness and those of such physical beauty, that they turn the heads and hearts of every woman they pass, but never had my eyes strayed from my path. Never, until that day I first saw you by the fire in the Thornwood... Has such tremendous virtue and allure ever been present together in the same man? I strive to perfect myself as do all those of our Faith, and in you I have found an example! You are the standard to which I may set my sights!

Every day I think again of those brief moments we have spent together. The peace and security I found in your embrace. The heat of your hand on my cheek as you healed me. Am I only now imagining your hesitation to remove it? I must be. Time plays tricks on memory. How could one such as myself ever hope to attract your interest!?

For now I will allow myself the thought that perhaps, wherever you are, that you too are remembering those moments and are hoping soon to experience them again.

Is it true what the mage Alturias believes you to be? That not only are you not human which would certainly make no difference to me, but that you are not mortal?? I don't even know how to begin to process this new information... What an utter fool I am! What a wretched creature! I've allowed my mind to concoct memories of reciprocated emotion where there could be none. I feel betrayed. Not by you...never by you, Ollimer, but by myself. My own mind tells me falsehoods and so willingly I believe!

It has been a month now since we parted, and though my frail mortal mind fails me in all else, I have held fast to the memory of you. The scrap of parchment upon which you'd written that first note to me asking to meet you, no longer holds the heady scent of spring that I clearly remember surrounding me the time we embraced. While rationally I know that it was done solely to transport me to where I needed to be for the mission you set me upon, my cruel mind insists that it was something more than it could possibly have been.

It seems you are as unattainable as perfection itself, yet daily I strive for that which I know I can never achieve. Is this any different? What other choice do I have? I have pledged my undying love for you and to that I remain true in the face of inevitable rejection. How could there be any other outcome? There is no one else for me in this life, whether by fate or choice I do not know, but I cannot bring myself to regret my pledge. I know in my heart that even knowing what I now know...I would make it again without hesitation.

Still...in the face of my pain, I remember that Alturias told me not to make assumptions about you and I know that is exactly what I'm doing. He saw the love I hold. He saw it in my desperate desire to know all he could tell me about you. He saw my heart splinter when I was told that you are not of this place. Not even of this plane of EXISTENCE! That is when he told me not to make assumptions. He was trying to give me hope, and as a hungry man will reach for the tiniest morsel of food offered him, I will cling to that sliver of hope and praise Lathander for it!

May the Dawn come early and hasten the day that I shall meet you once again!

The nights seem to last an eternity here. I’ve taken to sleeping outside with Szeraal during our evenings in town, and I would be lying to myself if I said it wasn’t for the hope that you might find me out here alone. Over two months now, and I’m still jumping at the squeak of every field mouse, praying that it might be another ferret with a message. Still, you never come, nor does the ferret, and the nights continue to drag by moment by moment.

I fear that wherever you might be, decades could pass as mere minutes between us, for certainly what meaning has time to one such as yourself? I fear that I will die having never truly known you. We are not known for our long life spans, neither as a human nor as a paladin, and I don’t pretend that my time on this plane will be anything but…brief. If I were to die tomorrow the only regret I would have it that I didn’t pursue you that day in the Thornwood…that in spite of my unworthiness, I didn’t take advantage of each moment I might have had with you.

Tomorrow we descend into the blackness again and I know not for how long this time. It feels as if we are closing in on the source of this dark magic that sent me to this area in the first place. That used to be enough for me. The mission. My duty. Any joy that I might find was through service to the Morninglord alone. Now there is this great longing that eats at my very core, as I have felt the possibility of a joy I had never previously known. That knowledge has created a gaping emptiness in me, but I cannot begin to regret the cause of it. The moment you laid your hand on my cheek, I knew I had lost all ownership of my heart and yet even in your leaving I knew there was nothing differently I would have done.

Here in the darkness I feel completely alone. Sorrow creeps in along the edges of my heart and my only shield against hopelessness is your promise that you would one day return. If I could merely hear the sound of your voice again, feel the warmth of your presence or see the light in your eyes… I would find my strength.

Please Ollimer, come back to me soon. My heart fails me. My mind deceives me. If the gift of your presence is ever granted me again during my remaining time in this mortal shell, I swear by the Light of the Glorious Dawn that I will waste no further moments! It is that day I live for above all others.