This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Politics -Edited

My dad is a conservative republican (which is ironic because he's liberal in a lot of his other views), and loves to blast his e-mail list with Obama bashing cartoons, anti-democrat articles, economic predictions (he predicted the recession years before it happened)... and I love him anyway. I've requested that he not send them to me, but I guess he forgets. Obviously we don't see eye to eye... I'm a liberal social worker for goodness sake!

Recently he sent me a video, in an e-mail titled California Poster Girl. The video was titled "Parasites are Devouring the Country" and showed a pretty young African American girl in a nice apartment with expensive extensions, talking about how California provided the best EBT (Electronic Benefit Transfer) and all the money it provides, and how you can manipulate it to get more cash (daycare is paid for per child, and then you can have a friend watch your kids and split the money with her).

He wrote: "An excellent real-world explanation of the system."

Here was my response:

And then there are people like Hubby and I. Who are trying to make ends meet and supporting 2 special needs teenagers to adulthood so they will hopefully not perpetuate this cycle. We need these monies too. When Hubby was unemployed (but looking for a job), we had our kids on the free lunch program (we had a nice house and nice cars, but you can’t eat those). We get money from the state every month (adoption subsidies). My kids are on Medicaid, because their medications alone cost $2000/mo… each. They see therapists, psychiatrists, specialists… sometimes multiple times a week.

Granted it was probably their “welfare mom” who’s been “in school” for the 5 years I’ve known her, who has 5 kids with 5 different fathers, who probably drank and did drugs while pregnant and raising them, who “aged out” of the foster care system, who is mentally ill and abused herself… who caused them to be like this… but is that their fault?! Should they be punished?

They are mentally ill, have low IQs, are traumatized to the point of being unable to function in real life… and will probably never be able to be functioning, productive members of society. Through no fault of their own – and despite the fact that we worked as hard as we possibly could to help them, “fix” them, heal them. They are “broken” and this was “set” long before they came to us.

I agree the woman in this video is horrid. It’s true that some people take advantage of the system and share how with their friends. It’s also true that some “rich” people cheat on their taxes and share loopholes with their friends. Who is bilking the system for more?

Edited to add: I have NO evidence that my kids' biomom was ever on welfare, or drank or did drugs while pregnant. I was merely using this as a way of personalizing an example of why condemning all people on welfare/Medicaid is punishing people we know and love, not some random stranger on a video.

If your father is employed I hope he didn't send the racist video from his computer at work. It could be grounds for firing, just for starters.I didn't watch it, not only because it's hateful but because as an attorney I am well aware that everything we look at online leaves a permanent record that can come back to bite us in the tuchis.

I too have adopted 2 special needs children. And They do have issues that my birth children have not struggled with. However, I will never proclaim them "broken" as you have spoken this over your special needs children. I don't know you...and I hope that you are a wonderful mom to these children... but we must realize that there is power of blessing OR cursing in our tongue. We can choose to believe & speak & pray for blessing on our children...or we can speak curses (as you have done). Children who have come out of the worst of circumstances have went on to become great blessings to the church & to their communities. One other thing... it's very easy for us adoptive moms to judge our adoptive kid's birth moms...but I would rather pray for my daughter's birth moms. I expect them to want to seek them out at some point in their future, & when/if they do... I hope that they have been able to allow God to rid them of some of their demons from their past...so that they can be a blessing to my daughters instead of a heartache. This isn't easy for me to do... I want them to always see me as their primary mom...but I must walk in faith...not fear. I apologize if this sounds harsh. I just felt that I wanted to share these tidbits w/ you.

Mommy Merlot - we pretty much only use the card at clinics (where almost everyone is on Medicaid anyway). We found that when we lost our private insurance we had no choice. We're blessed for this not to be a problem.

Miz K - nope my dad is mostly retired, and raising my adopted 15 yr old brother. He did respond to my response with this apology, "I wasn't talking about you and similar people--what system there is, is there for you."

I didn't watch the video either, but I really have to wonder how much truth there actually is in it and who produced it (motivation?) ... From what you've said, the things claimed just aren't possible.My FIL is very conservative and against "hand outs" but he was raised poor on a farm, where nobody would ever really starve and at a time when intelligent hard-working people really could get ahead. He just doesn't get how owning that land made all the difference.(Not that I don't think there are abuses; just not all that wonderfully sucessful. And yes, government hand-outs to the banks and Wall Street are far more mis-appropriated but you don't hear the same sort of anger and disgust toward them come out of the mouths of those who are disgusted that their money goes to help anybody eat. Right. OK. I'll work to calm down a little now ...)

About Me

I'm the admin for a large, international support group on Face Book called Parenting Attachment Challenged Children. I have a Masters degree in Social Work, a bachelors in Psychology with a focus on child abuse and neglect, and over 30 years of experience working with children and families, in particular those with special needs
Hubby and I adopted special needs teenage siblings in 2008 - a son, (Bear, age 24) and daughter, (Kitty, age 22). Both are diagnosed with RAD, Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, C-PTSD, brain injuries... and many other diagnoses. We also have two younger bio children, a daughter, (Bob - see the post "What about Bob" if you're dying to know how she got her nickname -age 20) and a son, (Ponito, 18).
I love to help, and I hope my blog provides resources and support for parents struggling with children with attachment and trauma challenges.

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Books, Methods, and Resources Review

BOOKS, METHODS, AND RESOURCES REVIEW

This is a "living anecdotal document" reviewing books and methods specific to the many issues in parenting children of trauma that I have come across over the years. I share it with you, because I wish I'd been able to find resources when we started this process. Please let me know if you have any suggestions, comments, or additions!**********************************INTRODUCTION - Books, Methods, and Resources Review