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Saturday, July 18, 2015

You Accept The Love You Think You Deserve

I was in that channel trotting mood recently when I stumbled
on a talk show. One of those ones that invite guests with relationship issues
with the hope of helping to resolve the issues. A woman complained of her
husband’s demeaning treatment of her. She complained that he verbally and
emotionally abuses her and sometimes, he gets physical. He checks the mileage
on her car and checks the time to make sure she doesn’t go anywhere else asides
from where she said she’d go. She is not allowed to have male friends, in fact
no friends at all. He even checks her underwear to be sure she hasn’t been with
another man. She does everything around the house including sorting the bills
and paying off the mortgage. All he does is wake up, torture her and have sex.

When the anchor of the show asked the accused husband why he
treats his wife so badly, he replied ‘why is she still with me if she feels so
terrible?”

The first thought that went on in my mind is how do these
things even happen? How desperately should one want a relationship that one
totally ignores the place of peace and happiness within?

The husband is very wrong but the chief problem is the wife
that allows herself to be treated that way

As humans, we love being validated, we are fascinated with
the idea of being perceived a certain way. We love ideals. We are in love with
the feeling of being in love. We forget the place of personal fulfilment and happiness
in our search for such validation. When we are not in relationships, we ask
ourselves if it is something wrong with us.

We ask, “Am I not pretty enough?”, “am I too uptight?” “Why is everyone settled
asides from me?”

So, we jump into the arms of whoever shows even a little
interest in us. Not caring how terrible we are treated. It looks good in the
eyes of the society and there is someone we can finally call ours, we think. In
our hearts we consider ourselves lucky that someone showed interest at all because inside us we don't think we deserve to be loved. We tell ourselves we can manage the situation. We walk on eggs around our partner, scared of
saying the wrong things or acting the wrong way. Perhaps if we stay well behaved,
he/she wouldn’t flip. We find ourselves in really terrible situations and we
convince ourselves it is better than nothing.

If you fall in this situation, you need help, you have serious esteem issues.

Wherever we got that
thought that staying single is a plague. Who said our happiness is the ultimate
sacrifice for being in a relationship or marriage?

We need not stay unhappy living a lie. Staying back in such
abusive relationships can be dangerous to one’s existence. It is bad enough
that our esteems are in shambles, how about the kids that can get caught up in
such situations. You need not stay back while you are getting stepped on. (If
you are in an abusive marriage, you need to get help).

My dear, don’t be
deceived being single is not a disease, what is sickening is staying back in a
relationship where you could die and all that is left of your esteem totally
washed out.

Always remind yourself how great of a gift you are. You are intentionally and deliberately created. You deserve to love and be loved back.
Don’t be forced to manage. It doesn’t matter if you are a tomboy with little
tolerance for make-up or if you feel comfortable wearing bright colored
clothes. It is not a problem if you like to listen to your songs really loud or
that you think Mr. Right should get the door for you. All that matters is that
you are unique and wonderfully made, whoever wants to be with you should be one
that appreciates your uniqueness. You deserve to be loved right honey, stop
settling. Be proud of your standards.

Always remember that nobody is doing you any favour by loving you right.