Primal Journal- Cris

It's not even day one. I am transitioning from another diet. Its VLC and just not sustainable. So I have been scouring these boards and journals and am dipping my toes in. I have transitioned to a 3 & 3 program where I eat two meals per day, primal style, and one snack. The other three snacks are the program's approved bars and shakes. I will continue to do this while I lean into a primal eating style.

One good change I have made is cereal is no longer permited in our home. My 11 year old son was kind of put off by this at first, but promising him scrambled eggs every morning has changed his attitude! We have a few chickens that lay us fresh eggs and although I am not much of an egg eater- I hope to become one. After all, its practically a free food for us. My frugal heart won't take much more of me wasting such an opportunity.

I thought it would be nice to make a short list of foods I feel like I may miss on this program. Time will tell if I actually do miss them, but it will be nice to look back and check:

1. Pizza
2. Cupcakes
3. Candy
4. Pasta
5. Hotdogs
6. Chips
7. Bread

So thats all I could think of off the top of my head. Hopefully as I embrace a more natural eating style, these processed crap foods will take on a new look.

My biggest fears:
1. That I won't succeed.
2. That I will always be this big.
3. That I will 'miss' eating trigger foods like I miss smoking and drinking, both of which I have successfully quit.
4. That I might have to restructure my life. That something in my current life(friends family spouse? ) will leave me if I change.

These are the thoughts and worries I have. I look forward to seeing if possibly this way of eating can change the yoyo the past ten years have been . I am sick of who I have become.

Just doing a weekly check in. Its weigh day and I am down to 211. YAY!!!

I had an 'almost' primal breakfast this morning.
1 scrambled egg
2 sausage patties
coffee and water

The only thing was I split a packet of splenda between two cups of coffee and had ketchup with my breakfast! LOL But its definitely a start. On plan for today: fruits for snacks today (craving sugar this morning... ) and a BAS for lunch. No left over meats to add to it so I grabbed some shredded cheese and a packet of almonds. Hoping that helps to fill me up.

Todays lunch and breakfast is nearly identical to todays. The only thing I am wanting is more veggies at supper tonight. I was a little hungry before bed- and I am trying to avoid that late night snacking.

I am not starving or anything, not at all. But my hormones really want me to get a chesseburger and fries at lunch instead of the huge salad I brought along to work. I am putting my foot down on my inner self and just saying no. I will not rationalize a cheat in the very first week! Sheesh!

I will add some dark chocolate to this day though. I can do this. I chose to do this. And I will.

I went to the movies last night and overindulged in candy and soda. UGH! I feel like I have a hangover this morning.

I considered keeping it to myself but realize that this journal is for me. If I can't be honest here- where can I be? I KNOW I screwed up. No one can say anything that will make that better or worse. So onward.

I fasted this morning- not out of neglect but because my stomach is VERY icky and rolling around. Probably will eat lunch. Drinking water like its going out of style and trying to get some work done. This is going to be a good day. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow never gets here.

All we have is this very moment. So I am going to do my best to make it count.

Doing well- still slipping off track once a day or so. My exercise and supplements have been on point so I am doing better than I ever have before.

I keep telling myself that this 80/20 stuff will never work- allowing cheats? Thats setting myself up for failure. But here I sit- probably suceeding on a 60/40 curve and getting lots of slow movement (walking 2 or three happy miles with my dog- and LOVING it, instead of dreading exercise).

Even though I like the idea of giving up breads and sweets and sodas. I am still finding it difficult. I do have more resolve to try harder every single day though. I really want this. I will keep at it.

Well, I am back.. and not with some shining post about all the weight I have lost since I was here last May. This way of eating calls to me- or else I would have long stopped coming. I have been off of sodas for 3 weeks now. And today is Day One grain free. In a couple of weeks, I will kick sugar.

I don't have the same bubbly optimism that I had when I joined here April of this year. But I also know that doing things the conventional way gets me nothing but heartache and expanding girth. So I am back.

Last night was not a great night, food wise. I got into a bad mood (for no reason) and had cookies. Instead of beating myself up about my lack of willpower or whatever I have decided to explore what went wrong and make a plan for what I can do to fix this next time.

Here's the situation- I had a very light lunch (as in a banana) and then had some ham for a snack later in the afternoon. I ate two hotdogs with chili for supper. But wanted something sweet. And I sat there and got mad about not having something 'sweet' in the house, although I have dark chocolate available. So clearly I was craving junk and had some. It kicked my carbs and calories over budget- which makes me angry today knowing that I had acceptable 'sweets' in the house for just such an occasion. I moved all the rest of the cookies to my husbands cabinet (which I valiantly try to avoid) and have decided upon the following:

1. Picking a fight in order to indulge is addictive behavior. When I was quitting smoking I would frequently pick fights with Husband in order to 'be able to' smoke afterwards. Its just as dangerous of a behavior with alcohol, tobacco or food. I need to understand this thought pattern and do my best to not come back to this point.

2. Do not buy unacceptable foods on my weekly grocery trip. This just doesn't seem like a good idea.

3. I knew what I was doing before the last three cookies. That should have been a signal to put down the crap and focus on what I was feeling inside.

I feel better knowing that I have a plan and that I am a work in progress.

Wins from yesterday:
1. Bossman brought me a diet soda from his trip out. It sits in the fridge right now, and will hopefully be removed from the building by this afternoon. If he leaves for lunch I will sneak it to the bathroom and dispose of it. He is just trying to be considerate and I would hate to hurt his feelings.

Thats it really. Looking forward to checking in tomorrow with a better report.