You know, the other day I came across an interesting blogpost written by a friend of another fellow Indo-Irish. My friend thinks this lady is quite something- and that’s saying something since she hasn’t seen Denise in almost a decade.

This same friend introduced me to a beautiful Indian actress– well, not literally, even though apparently she does know her but she downplays it so I really don’t know but, I was introduced to her in a movie called Monsoon Wedding. Today, I saw her support another real cool Indian actress who has a certain panache in yet another movie that seems to capture my life- Turning 30.

Things over the past few days have made me question a few aspects of my own life:

Why do I feel I have entitled to get upset about Ryan’s women? Well, simple- I care about him, I care about him not as business partner, not as a colleague, not as a housemate but mostly as a friend- a best friend who always hated (and still does hate) seeing people waste their potential. I have always found this to be the biggest issue with anyone and the fact that my own best friends, one of those people who I have on a pedestal because they are such amazingly, awesome people and when they completely waste this awesomeness, I feel sad. And so, yes, when Ryan manages to sniff out yet another manipulative b!tch (he has a knack, trust me on it), it upsets me, not just because of the fact he is wasting his potential and time but because of who he becomes around them.

Tigger is happily in love and it makes me really happy. She is a tough cookie but like me, she has a very soft interior. And like me, she is high maintenance but the thing is we are high maintenance on ourselves- we have high standards, yes but we maintain our needs ourselves- it’s not like we need loves to complete us, we need it to further enrich our brilliant lives.

Spartacus, Crystal and Winnie are busy leading the busiest lives but they are so happy and excited about everything that it is very infectious and I love it that they are satisfied.

My moment of realising some home-truths about me- I have VERY high standards and I am my own worst critic so even though this is my year, I am still notfulfiling my own emotional needs and so I have decided:

I am going to pamper myself more- going to a spa for a 3 hour long session tomorrow- to be repeated as and when my soul needs it

I am not going to eat better- not always healthier and not always a diet of chocolate but what works (moderately) for my soul

I am going to meditate more often- because when I do meditate, I feel better and when I feel better, my soul feels better

So basically, the year about me is becoming a little clearer- it is as Denise said, about self love. I live in a fantastic house, I drive a fabulous car (I am in love with her, did I mention), I work in a great organisation, I have the most amazing friends to surround me, I am a part of a bl**dy brilliant family and I am not having any moments that make me want to change my life- all in all, it is pretty brilliant but there is a part of me that’s feeling unfulfilled- that keeps going back to the past- to my parents, to that b@stard who called himself my teacher, to the things that for some reason that hold me back. I need to get back that feeling of contentment that is my mojo.

I know there is a future, I know things are going to work out the way I want, I mean I have managed 2 of my 3 goals I discussed with Dr. F 7 years ago! I also know it’s the final one that will actually make things a lot better but I also know I have to bide my time and wait for it to come.

Such drama- maybe a publisher will come to me as they did to Gul Panag and ask me to write a book too- after all, I am almost 30!

Things have changed for me, the past few years have been tumultous, I have been trying to deal with my broken relationships, with juggling many men at the same time, with putting on a smile on my face when I don’t want to. Maybe it is time for me to start over because risky as it is, it also is exciting- it allows for a new beginning.

Time to go shopping so? 😉 maybe my soul needs it hehhe- oooh, I can see me using my soul’s needs for SO many things because after all, 2011 is the year about me and my soul.

4 responses to “Loving myself.”

I’m glad that you liked my article and I love your pampering ideas – going to the spa and eating better. It’s a virtuous cycle – do the things that make you feel good and you’ll be inspired to improve other areas of your life.

Thanks for the encouragement Denise. Great article indeed. Considering its day 2 since I made those promises to myself, I am doing excellently 🙂 Let’s see how long it lasts. The funny thing is most of my life is amazing already so improving on awesome is pretty tough 🙂
Hope all is well with you!
J

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Joy of Traveling

Joy of Traveling: This blog is about a simple Indian girl, living an extra ordinary life in Ireland- traveling, eating, working, clicking photographs and basically enjoying the beauty of life. A lot of the posts are exaggerations of events she sees around her and some may even be biographical but this is mostly a work of fiction, so take it with a pinch of salt, please ;)