Was browsing myspace & facebook today and finding people I once knew. A lot of them were people I went to school with that I may not have really liked or even spoke to. And I got to reading their profiles and realized that all the stupid reasons I didn’t like them were just that…stupid. They are really completely different people from who I thought they were. Of course, I realize, people change. I’ve changed a lot since a lot of these people knew me. For example, most of high school I was known as either “David’s little sister” or “John’s big sister”. Today I’m very much different than that. Most people don’t even realize I have 2 brothers. I have become a completely different person than the one I once was. I’m not as “afraid” of people or what they think. I don’t try to be liked. If you like me fine, if not, well, I guess that’s fine too. At one point in my life it killed me for people not to like me. Even if their not liking me was for a really incredibly stupid reason. It didn’t matter. It just hurt to know someone didn’t like me. Most people never knew that about me. Looking back I can see how much I’ve changed. I’ve become a completely independent person. I’ve been living on my own for 5 years now paying all my own bills & balancing my own checkbook. I’ve paid my way through college (although in all fairness I’m still working on that.). I handle my life, completely, 100%. And I couldn’t be happier, I have 100% control…(well as much control as you can have in life)

I’m having one of THOSE days…feeling overwhelmed, inadequate…like I’m not good enough and just can’t seem to get everything done…I’ve been lacking energy and not sleeping…My bank account is -$12.00 right now,have a party to be planning, my pay check tomorrow is $80 less than normal, which I was really banking on it being more than the $800 I depended on…instead it’s $720….I have a loan payment to make, and dinner for 50 people to make, and traveling expenses and helium tanks, and all kinds of other stuff, and I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed. My class final has to be done by next weekend…which coincides with my grandmother’s party…so I’m only on chapter 7, have to be through chapter 10…and have only done the homework assignments through chapter 4…got an email today from my professor asking if I’d planned on completing the course because I had so much I hadn’t turned in….got home and there is a $250 bill from sprint, that I forgot to pay from J’s bank account…it’s a cut off notice…I just totally forgot about it…between all the stresses at work, and the marijuana thing, and the party, and school…it just feel between the cracks. It’s not like me…I’m normally very on top of stuff, especially when it’s not my account the money is coming out of…makes it a whole lot easier…I’ve been forgetting stuff at work a lot…I’ve had customer’s show up to get work done, that I know I talked to, yet, don’t remember what I told them, or pricing I quoted them…heck, most of them I don’t even remember what I’m selling them or what kind of car we’re putting it in….to say the least, I’m a little stressed…

oh and the puppy isn’t well…she’s been sick for a while…she got all these weird little scabby like bumps on her…she goes through phases where we think she’s getting better, and then she goes back down hill…we’ve tried everything, from changing food, to some weird borax treatment J’s sister-in-law found online…the vet wants $3,000 to do a biopsy to figure out what’s wrong, and then God only knows how much to treat her, if he can…she’s been getting a lot worse in the last week or so…J took her over to a friend’s house last weekend, and she went and laid down, and he came back and she was laying in her own urine….not a good sign…I’m really scared we’re going to have to put her down…she’s such a sweet dog…I really hate to have to do it, but, it’s starting to look like we’re going to have to…it makes me want to cry every time I think about it…

We’ll 3 ½ chapters of school work, still left to do…I’m hoping to have all my school work done by this weekend so I can go take my final and be finished with the semester, so all I have to worry about is my grandmother’s party…and money for my grandmother’s party…so, please wish me luck…I’m going to need it.