Saturday, September 23, 2006

Its silent and it usually is,the apartments,the corridors and the surroundings are always silent here,all i can hear at times is doors being opened or closed,sometimes i feel scared of it all,No one to talk to,sometimes i wish my servant comes early so that i can atleast hear her cribbing about the rain,about her husband's carelessness,and if she is silent then i can hear her bangles clicking while washing dishes.How i wish i had people around,i am tired of talking to mom on phone,i am tired of waiting for hubby to come home,but then there is always TV and Internet,books and music...Asked a colleague when i complained.yeah But they are not living things,i wanted to scream,there is your blog,asked brother when i started cribbing,Oh please,i do have my blog but i cannot or dont want to spend all my time there,i wanted to scream again.But you have your job,you are always busy,said mom when i said i feel bored,I just shrugged and changed the topic.What do you want my dear "asked hubby in a soothing voice,i dint scream this time,i dint say anything and fell into my silence again,I wish i could answer my collegue, my bro, hubby and mom,but i dint,will they understand?Will they understand if i say i want to unwind myself into the breezy countryside with its innocence and livliness,will they understand if i say i want to watch the first ray of sun falling on that river flowing infront of grannys house in a remote village in coastel andhra?I want to wakeup to the sound of temple bells in the vishnu alayam and shivalayam in that small village,i want to wakeup to the smiles echoing in the varandah,that big armed chair which is always filled in by any of the elders walking into the house,the smoke rising from the circular kitchen {yes, a circular kitchen} tucked away from the main house,the first dose of hot idlies getting ready and butter being churned in a earthen pot,fresh vegetables just plucked from the vast garden around.the breeze from the coconut trees around is so soothing,and yes,there are no bounday walls,no lines drawn,people walk in and out of eachothers territories without much fuss being made,that fresh water pond which is filled with waterlilles near the library,and all those elders gathering on the stone benches just near the entrance of the houses enquiring everyone going that way,gossip travels fast in those lanes,but such harmeless bickering which can be easily ignored.Taking an afternoon nap is absolutely imp,that too under that big wildjasmine tree,yes its called konda malli,put those old fashioned foldable beds under that tree,the breeze from the river greeting you,the tree is 50yrs old i am told.and the evening arrives with such beauty, "godhulivela"A beautiful word in telugu which means that time of the evening when all the cows are returning from the fields with bells ringing which are tied to their necks,and the dust raised from the walk tries to match with the red orange sunset over the water,the dust from that red and black clay mud,No TV or Internet there,but you still can live without missing them,there is somuch to do,somuch to feel and absorb in your head,in your heart,i stand near the small entrance to the small park near the river flowing,kids jumping into the water from that bridge built over the river,it joins two sides of a village, the other side which i can see from this end,but to reach i need to either swim or walk on that bridge,the one which was built 70yrs back.Time for dinner,Dinner,i smile,the image of very hot rice and mango pickle,ghee,sambhar and vadiyalu or papad as we call and then curd with rocksalt and lemon pickle makes me so hungry.the lantherns are lit in all the rooms,the beds are being made outside the side varandah,white bedsheets and pillows and handfan if it gets too hot,but its never hot in summer also.

jasmines and roses and hibiscus blooming allover and there are not many sounds now,the river looks serene,i keep watching the ripples and the moonlight falling on it and slowly fall asleep,i was not busy but still tired,i dint work much but still very hungry,i dint have a blog or TV but i still feel satisfied,i dint call anyone from my mobile,but i feel as if i chatted the whole day,I have had such a wonderful day,that day,sometime back,or was it long back when i was there,was it five yrs back, already!!!!!When i was a carefree young girl still dreaming alot,and it makes me feel so old,i am married,oh god,does it change my outlook towards life there? For now i dont feel so.But i am going back there,out of a tradition of doing a puja in the Ramalayam in that tiny village,next yr April i will be there,all the newly wed couples in my family go there for their first sriramanavami festival,perform a kalyanam,i will go there too,i dont know much of the puja or the rituals,but i will go there,share the feeling in silence with hubby,maybe then he will know,he will understand the words hiding behind my silence,for now i am making peace with TV,iNTERNET,blog and mobile and getting back to enjoy what i have now,tomorrow is long way,let me live today,tomorrow will come when it has to:)

PS:Non beta bloggers can leave an anonymous comment if they r unable to comment here and as i am not able to leave comments in non beta blogs i will continue with anon comments myself:) Sorry for the trouble guys,i was stupid enough to jump into blogger beta,now wait till ...........

Sunday, September 17, 2006

If not for you i wouldn have been what i am today.Its wonderful to have a friend,Specially when its you. There is always a hope,of a better tomorrow,isnt it? I know you are hurt today,feel cheated,betrayed,but love does it to most of us,Dint you tell me long back that nothing is forever.Well,you were right,i wanted to repeat the words to you now that you are down and feel its over, My dear friend,But at times its better to hold your hand and stay silent till you are willing to talk again,and i will be with you,till you smile again. Its been 12yrs of knowing eachother,Isnt it,Three of us,from college teenagers to responsible and matured individuals sharing life with our partners,being in respectable positions,today we are lot more busy with the challenges of life,but all these boils down to one fact when we all meet,We still are the same at heart,sharing our joys and pains and smiling with eachother around,thankgod for the wonderful gift god gave me,I maybe flying today,but with all of you around my feet are still firm on the ground,thankyou.This song which you always keep humming,the one which is your favourite., i remember it today,wish you are back to what you were,i know you will,till then,just to tell you that i am with you,we are with you my dear S,Life is not easy,but dont you think we are all made to fight and win over it? we will,and its your turn now,cheerup,i know you will win it:)

Thursday, September 07, 2006

I ended the day with a line........"The day might be over,but the memories will last forever"

Sept8th,2005

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your handsIf you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it"

Its Sept8th again

SO much changed,so many people lost in the shades of life,the path is narrowed down to specifications,goals,dreams which are now shared,a future now looking forward to,but still i miss something which i had earlier,But then it always happens with me,Yesterday is no more,and tomorrow is yet to come,All i have is a today,and i live for it.