My Twats

Become a Fan

12/02/2011

Jennifer Love Hewitt (JLH) and John Mayer (JM) are two freaking hot messes that are in desperate need a dating intervention. These two knuckleheads are famous (some might argue more than they should be) for their constant inclusion in celebrity gossip. And since I am guilty of loving my gossip mags, I feel compelled to throw my two cents in over what assumptions I have made from the media. Sounds super scientific, right?

These two unlucky in love losers briefly dated in 2002. Rumor has it that JLH sent some fancy bouquet of balloons and candy to one of JM's recording sessions. Apparently it worked. Personally, it kinda sounds to me like a gesture that is better suited for a 6 year old birthday party and not someone you want to bang.

JM had recently ended a very brief affair with songstress Vanessa Carlton. It isn't surprising that JM and Vanessa did not last. After all, this was a time when each of them just launched their first major label cds. Rumor had it that their relationship was doomed in part due to a little game of "who is doing better in the charts" rivalry.

In 2002, pictures began circulating around the gossip circuit with JLH and JM together. This lead a ton of people to incorrectly claim or hint that the song "Your Body is a Wonderland" was about JLH. Just so we are clear, he wrote that song years before he even met JLH as it was included in his first non-major label release in 1999. At the very most, he was wanking it to her image from tv shows or the movies.

Ok, so I have an enormous amount of JM information! I admit it! I used to be a huge fan of his back around 2001, used to send him porn while he was touring (the ingrate never thanked me, but I did become known as 'porn chick'), and met him a few times. Even back before he hit it big, he had a reputation of sleeping with his fans.

Since the time JLH and JM dated, she has been engaged at least twice (if not more, I lost count), and he has remained the bad boy bachelor. Part of the reason I have such a strong dislike of JLH is that she appears to be a love addict. Everything I have heard or seen written about her makes her out to seem completely desperate, insecure, and clingy. At least it seems that way to me.

I also really don't like that she is one of the main reasons the word "vajazzle" exists. As a sex educator, I know that vaginas are an internal structure only. Maybe I could go at her with a hot glue gun, a speculum, and some swarvoski crystals for her to get that what she is talking about is mons jazzling.

JHL needs a dating intervention at best or some serious therapy around being a love addict at worst. The fact that she is 32 and has had a few broken engagements isn't really that big of a deal. The reasons behind her broken engagements, however, is a red flag.

On one hand she is probably smart to have never gotten married because it is highly likely she would be divorced by now. She is probably glad to have dodged the epic Kim Kardashian marriage fail bullet. But it does make me, as a dating coach, wonder why she chooses men who she is clearly incompatible with.

I think her bottom line is that she is in love with love, and moves full steam ahead when she finds someone new to date. The problem with this game plan is that people are usually on their best behavior during the courtship period and aren't always being completely sincere and authentic. For example, someone you are newly dating is most likely gaga over you, wants to spend a lot of time together, and is probably pretty generous with compliments. What was once "Wow, I love the way you treat and take care of me" can quickly become "Why don't you compliment me anymore, why are you so busy, and who else are you hanging out with". I'm not saying that her clingyness and insecurities are the reason for her failed engagements. Ok, well maybe I am. The bottom line is that JLH needs to be be secure, confident, and really like herself before anyone else can truly love her.

My dating coach suggestion is that she spend a lot more time on herself and a little less time chasing love.

Now JM is a whole other ball game. He is a narcissist with boat loads of money, an allegedly big dick, and has the ability to literally charm the pants off of you. He is also someone who brags about his conquests in excruciating detail, making many of his past lovers cringe. Incidentally, he was rumored to be gay or enjoy a little man on man action years ago, but I think that rumor has mostly gone away.

Let's face it, JM is a douche bag. Even HE admits that he sounds like a monster douche after reading things about him. I hear he has a google alert for his name, too. The google alert doesn't appear to be working as he is still mostly thought of as a cad.

My dating coach prognosis for him is not great. There is little you can do for someone who is narcissistic. However, I do know that he needs to stop dating other celebrities! Vanessa Carlton, JLH, Jessica Simpson, Heidi Klum, and Jennifer Aniston have all been romantically tied to him. What he really needs is a good kick in the ass. He needs to stop seeing the women he dates as trophies and inanimate objects and nut up. He is a 34 year old man who still acts like he is 14. Maybe he suffers from arrested development because he began non stop touring when he was young and it consequently made it difficult to form real relationships.

It's funny and pretty rare that I can become so annoyed by others that they prompt me to write a freaking long blog post. Maybe it's me who really needs an intervention?

11/30/2011

Holy shit balls, trying to find a list of agencies participating in HIV testing for World AIDS Day is a bitch!

I will never understand why important information like this is so freaking hard to find. You would kind of think that the community would want to work together and make some sort of public announcement about this, but I guess not.

**Just got off the phone with the SF AIDS Foundation, and there is NO list of clinics offering HIV testing tomorrow for World AIDS Day.**

Here is a list of places that do HIV testing, BUT I don't know for sure if any of them are actually testing tomorrow. In case you don't know, a lot of sites offer testing, but it is only during specific days of the week or during specific hours.

I actually felt bad about taking the info straight from the SFHIV.org site, so I decided to take it down. For a list of all the SF HIV Testing sites, go here.

I encourage you to call the places nearest to you and ask if they will be doing HIV testing tomorrow. I've already offered myself up as a hand holder if you are too scared to go at it alone. I was an HIV tester in the early 2000's, so I can help break down what will happen.

For information on other SF World AIDS Day events, check out this blog.

11/29/2011

Ok, so this is just too freaking good to keep to myself! I'm really, really excited about my newest project, so I apologize in advance for me being overly enthusiastic.

I've just launched my ginormous sex term glossary so it is not even close to being complete. This is a labor of love and will take a lot of time! However, it's too cool to keep to myself. You can check out the beginnings of the blog by going here.

The following is my mission and the reasoning behind the glossary. I really hope you enjoy it and find it educational, informative, and entertaining.

So I've had this idea running around in my pretty little head for quite some time.....my life would have been so much easier if there was one central place to get quick, accurate information on sex terms.

There is a TON of inaccurate and downright shitty information on the web. In fact, It is kind of a pet peeve of mine. I figure that I should put my money where my dirty mouth is (instead of just bitching about it) and produce a fabulous and glorious sex term glossary just for you.

Since the glossary I envision creating is a ginormous task, consider it to be a work in progress. I will make every attempt to make sure the content is correct, but I am definitely not perfect. If you see a term that is not up to date, wrong, or want me to include a sex term you don't see listed, please email me at catherine@catherinecoaches.com. Before you bombard me with emails, please give it some time because, like I said, this is a huge list and it takes both time and love to create.

However, I should clearly point out that as a woman and a sex educator, I happen to find some terms that relate to sexual activity completely offensive. I will not promote words that I find offensive.

But hold on to your hats because I haven't got to the best part yet!

In addition to the definition of the sex term, I will give you an example of its common usage. You will be able to get a good understanding of the word by reading how I use the terms as a professional. In some instances, I might even include a video snippet or picture. This is some pretty awesome stuff!

11/28/2011

I've been kinda on the bench of whether or not I want to attend the annual AVN expo in Vegas in January. I've never been, but I have a pretty awesome group of companies and friends I would like to see and support.

This year the AVN Trade Show will be held from January 18 - January 21 at the Hard Rock Casino and the Fan Show & Expo will happen concurrently from January 19 - January 21. The big awards show is January 21.

(However, we are all aware that my cherry was popped years ago!)

Here is what I propose:

I will gladly pay for my travel and hotel accommodations if you can get me in. I've been to enough trade shows to know that they are super exhausting and booths always need smiling people behind them. I will be your personal booth bitch for the trade show. I am super familiar (and more importantly learn quickly) with many sex toy products.

I promise that I will sex educate the shit out of your toy, lube, or other product if you get me entry to the event. Hell, I will most likely buy you a round of drinks or dinner as well.

My one stipulation is that I have to be familar and really like your company or products. I can't get behind selling or promoting toys that are potentially hazardous to your health when you know full well that you have your choice of a huge range of body friendly materials.

If you see this and want to take me up on my offer, please contact me asap at Catherine@catherinecoaches.com.

11/22/2011

The reality of being picked a top sex blogger is finally setting in. My first thought was "holy crap, I'm #6, and I didn't even know about these awards a year ago!" and my next thought was "holy crap, does this mean that I have peaked?"

What I'm trying to do is silence those negative and self defeating thoughts the best I can. I'm trying to subscribe to the thought that my best is yet to come. I have big goals, my lovelies. I want an empire. A sex positive empire that will help normalize the taboo topics of sex and sexuality. It's a huge goal, but I know I am someone who usually gets what I want.

Getting into the sexuality field can be a bit tricky to navigate, but it is totally worth the effort. Because of the personal struggles I had when I got started in the business, I have really tried to be available and accessible to others looking to get into the field.

However, there is some really great news! Social media has leveled the playing field when it comes to business. Here's some perspective--3 years ago Catherine Coaches, and this blog didn't even exist. In fact, 3 years ago I was getting a little antsy because I left the agency I had worked at for several years and was feeling a bit lost and clueless. I was very much aware that I would never be able to find a supervisor that was as amazing as the one I had just worked for. Remember that my old supervisor is my BFF. Besides being my BFF, he was also my "work husband", and I couldn't fathom having that type of work relationship with someone else. The thought of working for someone else in the non profit world was hugely unappealing to me. And let's face facts, my personality isn't exactly well suited for corporate culture.

It was in April of 2009 that I began working on the concept for Catherine Coaches, and my business officially launched in July 2009. It started with my website, and I had to be talked into starting a blog. I had no idea my blog would be what it is today, and I'm super grateful for having a loyal readership.

If you are on the fence about starting a sexuality blog, my advice is to do it! One of the best things about having a sex blog is that you are almost guaranteed to find an audience. Yes, there are thousands of sex bloggers out there, but they are not you! If you are studying or have an interest in human sexuality then you probably have a passion for a certain topic. Focus on what you are passionate about and bring your fabulousness to the blogging world.

Also, if you are not currently employed in the field of sexuality but want to be, having a blog can help establish yourself in the community. You can build credibility by commenting on popular and well known bloggers as well as trying to connect with them on facebook and twitter.

Blogging is one of the weirdest things in the world to me. The concept blows my mind. However, people do love them! If you want to be a successful blogger then surrender to the fact that not all of your posts are going to be winners. In fact, it is quite probable that some of your most favorite blog posts will never get commented on. Blogging with consistency, regardless of reader comments, is the name of the game. The more you are out there the more people feel connected to you.

11/20/2011

**I've made a few modifications to the post since what is inside my brain doesn't always translate to my writing. Hopefully, the post is a little more clear.**

HIV/AIDS is a cause that is near and dear to my heart! My mom worked as an early HIV/AIDS advocate in Chicago (specifically the Howard Brown Clinic) in the late 1980's and I began working in the field in 2002. If you aren't familiar with the Howard Brown Clinic, here is some background on it during the time my mom was a volunteer nurse

By 1987, AIDS had taken hold of the gay community’s emotional and intellectual collective thinking. Howard Brown did more than respond in kind, it pioneered the strategy against the war on AIDS by fighting with facts, providing more medical and psychosocial services, and continuing to reach out to all that needed assistance.

I saw something this past week that is just not sitting well with me. In the past year or so, HIV/AIDS researchers have made an important distinction when it comes to how people become infected. Those living with HIV/AIDS are now unfortunately being categorized into 2 groups--"behaviorally infected" and "perinatally infected". I seriously almost lost my shit when I saw it in a recent article for "POZ" magazine.

***I should also point out that I'm not thrilled with the term "infected" either. I'd probably go bat shit crazy if I ever worked in the medical field***

Adolescents and young adults are an increasing proportion of the HIV-infected population. In 2008, 17.6% of new HIV cases in New York State were in the 13- to 24-year-old age group. In addition, more perinatally infected patients have entered this age group. The HIV-infected adolescent population comprises a mixed group of 1) perinatally infected adolescents who are now surviving into adulthood, and 2) behaviorally infected adolescents, most of whom were infected sexually

My huge issue is that pretty much the rest of the world demonizes and stigmatizes people who are HIV positive or have an AIDS diagnosis. Even in a progressive city like San Francisco, there can be some pretty big challenges for people living with HIV/AIDS. I saw it every day when I worked in the HIV positive community. So why on earth would HIV/AIDS researchers perpetuate this type of judgement? Unfortunately, I have no good answer for you.

Intellectually, I get that this is important to medical researchers who are called Epidemiologists. I like Epidemiologists because they are able to sift through pages and pages of data that would make me want to stab my eyes out with a fork. In fact, my BFF is one of them. However, unless you work in the medical community, public health, or the CDC, there is really no reason for you to know about them (so don't feel stupid if you've never heard of one).

Epidemiologists are people who work in a branch of the medical field who deal specifically with the incidence and prevalence of disease in large populations and with detection of the source and cause of epidemics related to infectious disease. Simply put, people who work in "Epi" (medical slang) study the causes, distribution, and control of disease in populations.

In this particulat case, I am upset because medical research terms (perinatal vs behavior) are spilling over in the HIV positive support community.

What do I mean by that?

Now when you read an article about someone who is HIV positive and living their life, it is common for the publication to specifically mention how the person came to be HIV positive.

For example, you will see something like this--"Mary Doe, 37 years old, behaviorally infected" or "Sam Doe, 23 years old, perinatally infected".

Even though I get the Epi reasoning behind the newer infection classification, I think it is a slippery slope. So now on top of the general public judging you for being HIV positive, you have the HIV community judging you for how you became HIV positive, at least it really seems that way to me. That is some crazy shit!

As someone who worked in the San Francisco HIV positive community for 5 1/2 years, I don't like it, and I definitely don't approve. It makes it seem like the community is now pitted against each other based on how they became HIV positive. I'm sure some people would argue that perinatal infection is much more acceptable than someone who was behaviorally infected. You know, because getting HIV through childbirth is less dirty than getting infected through unprotected sex. That, my friends was sarcasm.

The main ways of becoming HIV positive perinatally is through a vaginal delivery or c-section. However, becoming HIV positive due to ones behavior can mean many things (and it usually has a judgement around it). Behavior can refer to having unprotected anal sex, unprotected vaginal sex, unprotected oral sex, and IV drug use. The main take away from this, I think, is very sex negative.

I still can't help wondering why the HIV/AIDS community would accept this change. I just don't see the point. Is it possible they think people who are perinatally infected are more worthy to access care services like drug trials, emotional support, and medical care? Maybe they think that people who are behaviorally infected could benefit more from other services. And why do we not use the "behaviorally" term when it comes to other medical issues like Heart & Liver Disease, Cancer or Migraines? After all, research does show that certain lifestyle modifications can reduce or increase your risk of getting Heart & Liver Disease, Cancer or Migraines.

I guess my bottom line is that HIV is HIV is HIV. Yes, it is important for the medical community to be aware of when a person became positive (also called seroconvertion) and through what means. I get that a baseline assessment needs to be made and blood testing needs to get completed so a HIV positive person can better understand how it is presenting in their body. However, I guess I just fail to see the everyday practical need for outing or classifying how someone became HIV positive.

There, I've said my piece. Now I have to leave because writing this particular blog post has given me a "behaviorally infected" migraine.

11/16/2011

One reason is that I am new to the list and that there were about about 400 nominations for 200 different blogs. Another reason is that many of my friends and colleagues are on the list as well. It's also a compilation of the best sex bloggers in the world..that's right, in the world! Unbelievable, right? I'm in some serious bad ass company!

This is the 4th annual list that Rori of Between My Sheets has compiled. As a blogger, I'm someone who is deeply grateful that she offers this sort of blogger acknowledgement.

Here is the list in it's entirety. There are lots of people that are new to me so I can't wait to check them out!

11/15/2011

Having someone literally take parts of my website word-for-word and passing it off as their own is a truly awful thing. I felt completely violated that someone so easily took my entire body of work, which I have been working on for almost 10 years, and attempted to pass it off as her own.

It didn't make sense for her to do it in the first place--our backgrounds and areas of expertise seem so completely different.

One thing I have learned is this. Seeing my work copied made me realize that my business means so much more to me than I even knew. It brought out a fire and a readiness to fight for what I have built that kind of surprised me! It also occurred to me that I have touched many more people than I ever gave myself credit for.

But why am I so thankful?

I'm thankful for those people who rallied on my behalf and contacted the person letting her know what she did was wrong.

I'm thankful for the number of private messages I received offering emotional support.

I'm thankful for my personal lawyer who corresponded with me via wi-fi when he was on a plane going to another state.

11/11/2011

I'm a talker. I'm someone who has opinions on lots of things and not much leaves me speechless. I'm a girl who, on holiday in Bahamas years ago, was doing the "Discover the Dolphins" tour with my husband. The instructor was telling us what was going to happen, what order we would swim with the dolphins, etc. when he turned to me and said "Ok, 'talky one', you're next!"

Nevertheless, I was left speechless today. I found out that a tantra worker in Canada, Olivia Jade, took pages from my website, CatherineCoaches.com, and is using it word-for-word on her website. As someone who outed herself for being a total dick upon the realization that some of my website wording was too similar to someone else in the field who I greatly admire, I am completely sensitive when it comes to this kind of stuff.

(wow, I sure look different!)

(Hi, my name is Olivia Jade of Passion by Design, and I steal web content. I'm smiling because I'm a thief!)

Comprehensive Sexuality Education for the New Millennium.Learn from a SEXpert

Want to learn how to give amazing oral sex, discover new toys or fetishes, or simply improve your body image and interpersonal etiquette, there’s a sexuality workshop for everyone.

What Makes My Sexuality Workshops Different?

First and foremost, Olivia is a highly trained sexuality educator who has taken hundreds of hours of formal sex educator training and has spent thousands of hours as a intimacy coach . All my workshops are based on an educational, motivational, and empowerment platform.

Olivia’s strong sex educator background ensures that workshop participants will get timely information that is neither too clinical nor over-sensationalized. By using a down to earth approach along with just the right amount of humor, my sexuality workshops will set you on the path of ultimate sexual fulfillment.

How Much Do Workshops Cost?

Every workshop is unique and custom tailored to meet the specific needs of the organizer. My workshop cost depends on a variety of factors including the number of participants, how many supplies I need to bring, how far I have to travel, etc. Yes I travel! I am willing to travel nationally for your workshop.

I usually ask that you pay one half of the total workshop price at the time of booking as a down payment to secure your workshop date.

If you wish to book a sexuality workshop at a university/college, please contact me with the specific dates you are requesting, the topic of the presentation, and what your budget is. This will greatly expedite the booking process.

**Please note that for travel, I charge my speaker fee in addition to any reasonable transportation/hotel/rental car expenses.**

What Are Your Most Popular Workshops?

Power Flirting: How To Flirt with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere

Did you know that 90% of a person’s opinion of you is formed within the first 2 minutes of meeting? What kind of impression are you making?

This fun, interactive workshop will let you explore what makes you unique and memorable to others.

Come learn the tricks to being a sexy and confident flirt, how to send the messages you want others to get, ways to deal gracefully with rejection (hey, it happens to everyone), and leave the workshop with a new found sense of empowerment.

This workshop is designed for everyone, whether you are single, taken, or somewhere in between.

Love Your Body Now by Finding Your Fabulousness

About 80% of American women and 45% of American men are dissatisfied with their appearance. No doubt about it, our society is obsessed with the ideal of perfection. Is it really surprising that we have body issues?

This thought provoking, interactive workshop will let participants explore the root of their own body issues, how it has affected them and prevented them from truly embracing their sexuality, and most importantly, how to combat the constant barrage of media attention focusing on perfection.

This workshop will also explore the reality of genital shame and how it can affect us from celebrating our sexual selves.o.

Self Image, Self Love, Self Pleasure

Sexuality involves many aspects, and that includes your perceptions of yourself. This class will discuss self image, self love (and learning to love yourself) and how all of that correlates to self pleasure and sexual satisfaction!

Participants can expect to tackle the taboo subject of genital shame head on and will also learn about my top picks for incorporating sex toys into self pleasure.

The Wondrous Female Orgasm (featuring the mythical clitoris)

The female orgasm…It is a deep, confusing, and often complex topic. This workshop will introduce participants to female pleasure physiology and anatomy, the different phases of the female response cycle, what types of orgasms women can achieve, and how you can become more comfortable pleasuring yourself. We will also explore which specific sex toys can help make achieving orgasm a reality.

This workshop is designed for everyone. Whether you have never experienced an orgasm, or want to learn new techniques that can help you better communicate what you need to help you achieve orgasm.

*Perfect for bachelorette parties*

The Art of Oral Sex (aka Fellatio, Fellatio, Fellatio!)

Want to learn how to give your man a blow job that will knock his socks off? There really is an art to oral sex.

This art of oral sex workshop will cover male pleasure anatomy, tackle myths surrounding fellatio and oral sex, misconceptions, and hang-ups that keep us from truly enjoying the experience, and provide you practical tips and techniques that will make your partner moan with pleasure.

This workshop is designed for everyone and will leave you feeling confident in your new found skills, empowered, and absolutely beautiful.

This is probably my single most popular workshop. The majority of us are unfamiliar, bewildered, and uncomfortable with our sexual anatomy. It is no wonder considering most of us don’t even get that information from our own doctors.

This interactive workshop uses diagrams, puppets, and photos to help demystify the confusion surrounding both male and female pleasure anatomy. Topics covered include the sexual response cycle, orgasms, the g spot, the p spot, and anal sex.

Participants will also be introduced to how sex toys can enhance both solo and partnered lovemaking.

*Perfect for bachelorette parties*

***Olivia would be delighted to custom design a sexuality workshop curriculum based on YOUR unique needs***

Um, the ONLY thing she changed was plopping in her name where mine should be!

Anyone who provides sexuality workshops knows that 1) finding workshop titles that are interesting and original is a bitch and 2) writing workshop descriptions is a time consuming affair. I'm blown away that she would take my entire offerings and use them for profit as her own.

I've spent almost 10 years working within the field of sexuality and I find it hard to believe that someone who is primarily a Tantra Educator would have curriculum that specifically addresses things like sex club etiquette, safer sex for people who are HIV positive, and STI transmission.

You might be thinking to yourself "isn't your website content copy-written?" Good question. And the answer is yes. All my content is exclusive to me and my business Catherine Coaches. It's even written in my "terms of service" for my website

6. Copyrights - All materials on the Site are protected by Federal copyright and are protected under treaty provisions and worldwide copyright laws. Materials contained in any part of the Site may not be reproduced, copied, edited, published, transmitted or uploaded in any way without the written permission of Operator, except as expressly stated in the Limited License provision in these Terms and Conditions of Use. Operator does not grant any express or implied right to you under any of his trademarks, service marks, copyrights or other proprietary information.

I guess one way of looking at it is that I should be flattered by her enthusiastic copying of my work. Yeah, that doesn't cut it for me. This is just being fucking lazy!

How did she think this was acceptable, ethical, or professional? I'm sure I will never get an answer that I think is satisfactory.

One of the things I learned from sounding too similar to someone else who works in my field is this--Be yourself and believe in yourself. I am what I am, and people will chose my services based on if they think I'm qualified, am a good fit for them, and if they think they will get what I promise. Even if this woman did a spot on impression of me, she will still only be second best.

I've gone out of my way to be helpful to others looking to enter the field of sexuality. Take my information as inspiration and don't rip me off. Even so, if you rip me off, as this person has obviously done, give me a little credit!

So what do you do when someone rips you off so blatantly and doesn't give you any type of credit? Well, if you are me then you contact your lawyers.