musings of an ex readaholic- procrastinator- dreamer- fangirl.

I like Aarhus so far; it is wonderful when it snows, the old buildings are beautiful and here to stay without the looming possibility of earthquakes and aftershocks. But one thing that is not so great is the rain. With rain comes unhinged winds and chills that seep through your clothes, but the worst part is that it masks the sun. I thought I was getting used to not seeing so much sun, or maybe I was accidentally getting my dose of Vitamin D elsewhere. Whatever the reason, I was starting to think that the human relationship to sun I was used to might be exaggerated, but then the most beautiful thing happened a couple of days ago. The rain stopped, and the sun came out to say hi in all its glory and I jumped with joy in my head.

So long story short, my friend and I decided to make the most out of this unusual winter weather and went to the deer park in Marselisborg-Moesgaard forest. It took us well over an hour to get there, even with the help of several local runners (my hands were starting to freeze even with insulated mittens on but these people are made out of something stronger I swear) as neither of us have any sense of direction. We finally found the park and I sighed in relief…it was worth it.

It is an enclosed area, but the different deer species walk around freely, giving us a chance to get close to them. Tip if you plan on going to a deer park/petting park or zoo or any kind: BRING FOOD FOR THE ANIMALS. They are not interested in flirting with you unless you have something to offer, something like carrots perhaps.

There are many picnic benches scattered throughout the park, and I made a mental and verbal note to come back here many times. I’m curious and excited to see how the park looks in spring, and perhaps even on my birthday so that I can celebrate with two of the most wonderful things in this world: open nature and food.

On one hand there is all the smoking, drinking and consumption of pork that makes me genuinely concerned. On the other hand, there is all the running around in spandex in weather that is made for hot chocolate and movies while swaddled in blankets. It boggles my easily- boggleable (shhh) mind.

All the stories you have heard are (probably) true. A friend told me recently they saw an elderly, seemingly disoriented woman drinking a beer on the bus the other day and I was not surprised. The university bar at DMJX is called Friday bar and I think that is a common thing for universities across Denmark. They open on Fridays, and the drinking starts in the afternoon and lasts well into the night. Weirdly enough, despite this heavy drinking culture I have not encountered any annoying drunk behaviour (you know the kind of stuff I’m talking about…) outside of bars- I wish this was the case in New Zealand but, alas, I guess we can’t have everything. You can’t smoke inside public places, but many of the buildings contain multiple small, open courtyards (kinda like an atrium if you will) and it is very common to see people going to these areas or even outside in between classes and during breaks to get in some smoko time. I actually have no idea if some of these are designated smoking rooms or free for all as I tend to stay away from them- growing up with a pretty aggressive anti- smoking media culture can leave you with a deep sense of discomfort towards second- hand smoke.

Despite all this, every day that I’m outside in all my glorious layers and winter accessories I pass by those I call ‘unnaturals’. There are always a few of these fit specimens running on the foot path at all hours, in their thin, tight, layers making me reconsider the extent of human potential. Then I console myself by thinking about their Viking blood, go home and eat till I can’t anymore, then eat some more. I’ve been told by Danes that the obesity levels here are increasing but even with that, I’ve seen very few that could be categorised under problematically obese. So I sit here and wonder and wonder while eating Mister Choc (it’s German chocolate and it tastes like heaven), how do I categorize Danes? Ridiculously fit and made for the cold, or crazy unhealthy? I’ve come to the conclusion, that I can’t solve this mystery so if you’ve managed to read this far I’m so sorry that was kind of useless. But now you know what I’m thinking.

When you haven’t travelled by yourself before, the idea of going on an OE can be daunting. I know because I’ve been going through it for the past few months. I got a partial scholarship to study abroad for a semester in Denmark (!!) this year, but the overwhelming happiness in being accepted lasted a few weeks before it was gradually overshadowed by fear and apprehension at this seemingly impossible task ahead of me. Denmark was one of the very few countries I was willing to travel to because of my extremely picky nature, but even the thought of going to this beautiful, relatively peaceful and exciting new country wasn’t enough to shake out the ‘what ifs’ running through my head. If you are finding yourself in a similar situation and freaking the f*** out, read on…it may be helpful but I won’t promise anything.

You aren’t the only one. It is always tempting to think that you are special in the way you feel and react to these kind of situations, but it can also be alienating. I eventually started talking to others who were faced with the same exciting albeit terrifying experience ahead of them and guess what? It helps! No one can understand how you feel in these situations quite like those who are in the exact same position, so engage with others and start getting excited!

Don’t always trust the internet. I googled how to fit in with Danes (in hindsight, that was obviously a mistake) and it took me to pages talking about the Viking descendants that are blonde, lithe and unnaturally tall. That is obviously not what a 5’2 midget Indian Kiwi wants to hear. Stereotypes often have some kernel of truth in them (sometimes) and may of the native Danes are taller than the average New Zealander or Indian, but the city I live in is teeming with all kinds of people from different cultures and background which is a dream for a student about to study under the ‘inclusive journalism initiative’. The internet also led me astray in predicting the weather, it is very, very cold here but definitely not as cold as many make it out to be. Anyway, point is- internet is a useful tool and you would be a fool not to use it, but take everything that isn’t from authorised sites with a grain of salt.

3. Stop worrying. This is DEFINITELY easier said than done, but I only survived the past few weeks prior to arriving in Denmark by simply refusing to pay attention to the incessant ‘what if’ voice in my head. Think of it as a white noise machine, do what you gotta do and stop thinking about things you don’t need to. Don’t build up unrealistic expectations in your head, but get excited because it will be an unforgettable experience and one that you will hopefully love.

I’ll start by saying I like myself most of the time. Not in the ‘Oh my god you are so great’ kind of way but content in the inherent knowledge that I am deeply flawed, yet liking who I am or who I have become anyway but lately I’m not sure how I feel. I feel like I’m losing my passion and vigour- everything that was annoying about me but made up the core of my personality. I mean I’m probably still fairly annoying, but I feel like the life force that led me is fading (so close to a Lord of the Rings reference) and I’m losing myself little bit by little bit every day. It’s scary but what is scarier is this shitty attitude on my behalf sometimes to not fight it that scares me more.

So all I have to say to other people who might be feeling the same way is: Don’t stop fighting the crappy part of yourself that wants to give up and be docile. Make some noise, and be unapologetically yourself- and if you aren’t too sure who that person is- go find him or her. Don’t lose yourself forever, your true self is somewhere out there, waiting to be reclaimed.

Light cannot exist without darkness, shadows are bits of darkness that can only be seen in the presence of light.

Went to the movies recently to see Inside Out, I was a bit worried going in with high expectations after all the positive review statuses on Facebook and you know, the critical acclaim. But it was actually good, really good…I don’t think it’s as good as say Finding Nemo (I may be a little obsessed) or The Incredibles but it was a solid movie and one that would definitely recommend.

Having said that, what I don’t understand is all the hate on the character Sadness! You can’t have sadness without happiness, and their co- existence is what keeps our emotional state in harmony (more or less, most of the time…hopefully). At least, that’s what I took away from the movie. So, I decided to google to reaffirm what I believe (classic, I know) and this is what Psychology Today told me:

“Sadness can fill us with appreciation for the good we’ve lost. It can help us treasure the good we haven’t. It can make us more tender. It can make us more empathetic and compassionate toward others who’ve gone through or are going through what we are. It can connect us to others by signalling we need their support. It can incline us to give support to others who’ve supported us. It can fill us with appreciation for the times we don’t feel sad.”

Alex Lickerman M.D.

I didn’t actually think about all those good reasons, so I’m glad I googled but the last sentence is what I want to emphasize- Sadness helps us to appreciate Joy, when we aren’t feeling sad. The more involved sadness is, the greater the appreciation for Joy will be because of the contrast between the two ends of the emotional spectrum.

Anyway, I just wanted to let Sadness know, that I get ya, and I know you are important although we don’t really like to talk about you or appreciate you.

I uploaded some of my favourites from last year’s roadie ages ago, but there were so many beautiful places, and a trigger happy camera girl eager to capture it all so here are some more pictures from our trip of the beautiful South Island, New Zealand

I’ve been trying to post this to Lookbook.nu for a while now, but my account isn’t working properly so I thought I would leave this here instead. There’s something about putting on a pair of pants/jeans, and a blazer that just makes me feel more focused and on to it. All of a sudden, my stride has a purpose (who knows what that is). Ahh, it’s one of the best feelings.

I was first attracted to androgynous dressing, when I was going through my ‘reject anything remotely feminine’ phase but now I like it just because. No ulterior motives: today I’ll dress like a man, tomorrow like a princess, the day after like a homeless person.

I coined this ‘business hobo’ : how a person who does not own an iron dresses for work.