I really like the sentiment of this poem but it reads a little choppy like a list of things remembered because all your sentences are declarative and all but the sentence of L10/11 are in their simplest order, ie. "I saw" "Your hair gleamed" "Your face portrayed" "You walked" "I smiled" "You always hated."

All in all I still like it, but I don't think it would take much tweaking to make it great. — nakedowl

You might also want to reread L4. Am I misunderstanding something or did you mean to say "and it was AS if I could" ?? — nakedowl

The ending was the only thing i didnt like about this, the rest, i loved. — chelseyjo

actually reading it over today, i do like the ending. hmmm. — chelseyjo