Thursday, July 17, 2008

August starts when?

I've been looking for anything to write about. Perhaps the presence of Paine, Rikku, and Yuna on Kari Lehtonen's helm? Bringing back the "Hockey Fights cancer" pink stick weekend? Always nice to see Owen Nolan winding up one of those. Wrigley and its' historic content and the resurgence of Blackhawks hockey in Chicago? The unveiling of the New York Rags'™ latest sponsor, AARP, was announced; it, however, fell on deaf ears as most New Yorkers are currently occupying recently established territories along the New Jersey shore destined to spawn a new generation of horrible, weasel-like deviants, primed to revel in a toxic, Bruce Springstein-Bon Jovi sympathising hellscape.

There's that "free word association" thing in action again. Deviant » Ted Nolan. He got the axe, for reasons unknown, by Garth "I didn't draft Luke Schenn" Snow. Seriously, if I'm a NY Islanders fan, I'm wondering why there are such a succession of blunders piling up. Trading Chara for Yashin... not keeping Luongo... not drafting Luke Schenn. Then they signed Doug Weight. Hey, Doug Weight used to play with Ryan Smyth, so he's just as good, right? Glaring errors which have and will cost that franchise for decades.

Pittsburgh looks to have completed its' NHL roster last week, and there's really no news save signing Kris Beech to a 2-way and the schedule allowing those in The Steel City to know when to book passage to DC. We continue to look fondly to the North, where Ottawa's woes continue and their writers are creating trades to see if they'll gain traction. It is very Toronto-esque; however, Ottawa doesn't have the league by the balls like the Leafs, so the 3-way LA-Chicago-Ottawa rumor everyone is familiar with isn't looking very realistic.

Speaking of realistic, Montreal continues to astound me with their sense of entitlement. I've seen (but not read) long, long lists of reasons why Mats Sundin will wear bleu, blanc, yadda yadda instead of Vancouver. If that fails, of course, they're gonna top their woeful first-place finish from last year by not losing to a pretty average team in the playoffs. It is also expected that they can just "sarifice everything and go for it like Pittsburgh last season" before the deadline. They have to insinuate that we'd traded our whole future because their best young player just signed on Long Island. Anyway, they assume that San Jose, for some reason, will accept a trade of Marleau to Montreal for garbage player. See: 2007, Ryder.

Habs77953798524: "Man, Ryder sucks. We need to trade his ass. What would good market value be? Bleu, Blanc, Rouge. I just am havings such a boner for Steve Begin".

IrresponsibleMtrlWriter: "Excellent question. I heard a rumor just this morning that Marleau and a truck containing $10,000,000,000 US dollars were heading our way in exchange for Ryder, which is a shrewd deal for Montreal. There is no such thing as fair market value for a Canadien, because their players would obviously become the best on their new team. Ryder is a prime example, because while he totally sucks in our colours, he would make average non-Canadiens centres like Joe Sakic shit their mind. We can only have s o many hall of famers, you know?"

Finally, Pittsburgh South continues to become more entertaining as it is rumored that Craig Patrick is a candidate for the GM post recently vacated by Jay Feaster. If he's the man for the job, expect him to fire phone calls to German Titov and Sebastien Caron with great haste. Contract already rumored to be on the table for Krzysztof Oliwa. Seriously, once Recchi signed there, it just got pretty out of control. If they hire Crag Patrick, you can expect Jan Hrdina and Rico Fata to jump in the mix. Hey, why not. They already have an 8-line team with nobody to defend the goal except for Filip Kuba, and Darryl Sydor if they want him. Just add Stu Barnes and you have a gated community for Old Penguins.