Your reward for surviving this week is a very special edition of the Friday Night Think Tank, with “surviving” being the key term.

I was watching Survivor last night (I recorded it as I hate to watch TV live and have to deal with the commercials), and it got the Deep Thoughts flowing about my favorite reality TV show’s connection to this blog.

As most of you know, the now infamous Survivor: Maine post is the highest viewed in this blog’s history, and has gone viral on the internet on multiple occasions.

I feel like Jeff Probst and I have a special connection ever since he retweeted the post, and commented on the prospect of Survivor ever shooting in Maine. As a result, I wanted to pitch him a great new version of Survivor that we will debut here tonight.

While this edition of the show does not take place in Maine, it does involve Time Travel. In order to make it work, we are going to need Doc’s help, and I hope Jeff will reward him by making him his co-host.

Are you ready for this week’s journey to the Think Tank? Cue the Survivor theme music…

This week’s topic: Congratulations! You are the first contestant on Survivor: Time Travel. Are you ready to outwit, outplay, and outlast various versions of yourself from across the Space/Time Continuum? Your opponents on the remote tropical island are: You on Prom Night, You on the First Day of College, You at 21, You at Your First Post-College Job, You on the Best Day of Your Professional Life, You on the Lowest Day of Your Personal Life, You on the Day You First Kissed Your True Love, You on Your Wedding Day, You at 30, You at 40, You at 50, and You at 65. What is your strategy? Who do you see as your toughest opponent? Who do you want as allies? Who would you want to get rid of right off the bat? Could Present Day You win?

I really thought this would be a wicked interesting Philosophical Exercise, Modern Philosophers. Yes, I threw that “wicked” in there to give this post a little Maine flavor.

It was a fun challenge just to come up with the list of competitors. Take a minute to size up the rest of the tribe, and then form some Deep Thoughts on strategy.

The first thing that popped into my head is that I would have a definite advantage over the versions of me who are from a time before Survivor was on the air. Those Austins will not have any clue as to the strategy that goes into winning on Survivor, so I would look to take advantage of that, manipulate them, and use their naivete against them.

I’m also aware that younger versions of me were extremely shy and not at all outgoing, so I wouldn’t see them as threats in the social aspect of the game. I don’t see the 21 and younger versions of me being any threat in the physical challenges, either.

I would definitely want to avoid me on the lowest day of my personal life, because that guy was a wreck, he was pathetic, and he would be very likely to lash out at the others. So I wouldn’t want to be blacklisted by association by the rest of the tribe.

I’d also be wary of me on my Wedding Day. While that Austin was confident, happy, and madly in love, he was also a naive idiot, who believed he was about to exchange vows with the woman who would love him forever. Someone who would make such a strategic error is not going to win Survivor, so I don’t want an alliance with him.

I’d definitely want to buddy up to 50 year old and 65 year old me because they know what the future holds. They’d have insight that I would need to defeat earlier versions of me.

I’d be most afraid of me on the day I first kissed my True Love and me on the best day of my professional life. Those Austins would be confident, cocky, and feeling invincible. Even though they are about a decade apart in age, they were both in excellent physical condition, and I know how formidable I can be when I am confident.

My strategy would be to act as a leader to the younger versions of me, using Jedi mind tricks, a knowledge of the game, and years of experience at being me to bend them to my will and earn their loyalty.

I would treat the older versions of me as equals, trying to convince them that we are best buddies, and that if we form an alliance, we can get rid of the younger, cockier, more athletic versions of me.

I’d let the more intimidating versions of me see me as a wise adviser, a joker, and a storyteller. I’d prove myself to be a hard worker, someone who can be counted on around the camp, and not a serious threat in the immunity challenges.

Slowly, I’d pick off the real threats, letting the other versions of me think that they were the ones making the decisions and setting the strategy.

Eventually, I’d be the Sole Survivor after the other versions of me voted me the winner of Survivor: Time Travel because they were so impressed at how well I outplayed them.

At that point, Jeff Probst would have no choice but to insist that the next season of Survivor be set in Maine.

You on Prom Night – Get rid of. You on the First Day of College – Get rid of. You at 21 – totally get rid of I had the flu. You at Your First Post-College Job – get rid of. You on the Best Day of Your Professional Life – keep to battle against. You on the Lowest Day of Your Personal Life – totally get rid of one hot mess I never want to see again. You on the Day You First Kissed Your True Love – hang on to for now. You on Your Wedding Day – the BEST day and one I reflect on many times throughout the year. You at 30 – get rid of – done, toast. You at 40 – so kicking arse right now! You at 50 – a more mellow version of myself. and You at 65 – watch out world here I come – ha! My strategy would be to pick off a strong version of myself and then a few weaker versions and then battle out against the strongest and my present day self. Allies, friends and even enemies are good to have to play the game 🙂 I do believe present day me will kick some tail and take some names – TAKE THAT!!!

Your opponents on the remote tropical island are:
You on Prom Night (didn’t go to my prom).
You on the First Day of College (too easy to defeat)
You at 21 (facing the barrel of a 30.06 at the time)
You at Your First Post-College Job (a better contestant for LOST).
You on the Best Day of Your Professional Life (now that person would have a fighting chance)
You on the Lowest Day of Your Personal Life (my husband had just died.You think a relationship breakup is bad? ).
You on the Day You First Kissed Your True Love (Nope, too naive).
You on Your Wedding Day, (Which one of the 5 weddings? And do I want the versions of myself insane enough to marry these people anywhere near me?)
You at 30, You at 40, You at 50, and You at 65.

What is your strategy? The present me knows all their weaknesses. I’d have the one from the best day of my professional life as my ally, also age 18, 35 and 42. The rest I’d get rid of right off the bat.

Hmmmm, Austin, there’s only one of the Time Travel crew that’s older than the present me, so I’m going to hold on to the Me at 65. In fact, I’ll make the first secret Final-Two pact quickly with the Me at 65 because we’ll be the wisest of the Me’s. Me at Prom, out fast. Too shy and confused for the social element of the game. Me on First day of College, keep around. Love the optmism to get through every challenge. Me at 21 and Me at My First Post-College Job are the same me, and we get blind-sided because we are too cocky. Me on the Best Day of My Professional Life gets blind-sided on the very next show because I am even cockier. Me on my Wedding Day are two Me’s, and I keep them around for allies, they younger one because somebody will have to go eventually and the older one because he’s the next best thing to me now. First Kiss Me is too young, out early. Lowest Day Me is too smart, out early. Me at 30 and Me at 40 are round number party year me’s and don’t do enough around camp. Out they go. The last three are Second Wedding Day Me, Present Day Me and Me at 65. We do the Me Walk, and then Second Wedding Day Me is eliminated at the final Jeff Night. I win over the jury of Me’s by telling them about my consecutive day blog post streak. 🙂

Prom night, attempted rape, first important kiss, transcendent, wouldn’t want anyone that euphoric anywhere near me in a pinch. First day of college, abject terror, out of body panic, another bevel-headed person, first post college job? Well, the environment was pretty, a lot of coke use going on though, so I think I’ll put her on my team where she’ll be safe and I can steer her away from some of the creepier guys. She at least by then had started leaning on her sense of humor. Best day? in from of a friendly audience, everything in tune, put that arrogant woman on the other side, because she’s coming up on …… the worst day of her life!! That person needs a spiritual awakening, I just don’t want to be around until it takes place. 30, disappointing, 40, more disappointing, 50, how the fuck did THAT happen, 60 , oh well, nothing you can do about it now. Use the rest of the time wisely.

On my prom night I went by myself, and ended up dancing and getting my photograph taken with my calculus teacher. I’m not sure that anything could compete with that fact because, really, where would you even go from there?

Me at high school talent show making a idiot out of myself would definitely beat all the other me’s and anyone else. Me on my wedding day would definitely get the boot right off the bat. No one that dumb could ever survive!

*laughs* I envision that this would be quite the nightmare, because with the “Chaos Fairy” elementals at work, I imagine it would be some kind of insane, sick, twisted, and infinitely infinite loop that I would be trapped in (like the X-Files episode Monday, or the Enterprise episode “Future Tense” with the time-loop). I think I would rather find an alternate dimension to slip into. Yes, I would, unabashedly, run away. Very quickly. *laugh*