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Friday, July 25, 2008

Silly Vanity!

I have an identity crisis. It begins deep down and trickles out all the way to the ends of my hair.

Literally.

I like to pretend that I am a tall and tan, blue-eyed brunette.

When really, I am average height, white and freckled, with gray eyes and grayish-brown hair.

In my attempts to cover up the unsightly gray, I flounder from one box of color to the next. I think I chose a more natural color this time, thankfully, because that last color was WAY too coppery. And fake looking.

And now, for the last 5 months, my contacts have decided to go AWOL on me! Every time I wear them, my eyes start bugging out and turn all red and itchy. So, instead of having blue eyes, I have red eyes. Maybe I'm allergic to my contacts. Who knows! All I know is that I'm vain and don't like wearing my glasses.

Oh vanity! What pride!

Is this the bane of all womanhood? To wish you were something different?

Probably.

We are not meant to live this way.

"The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether" (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity).

7 comments:

First off, I still think your eyes are blue. Even if they are gray, it isn't far off and makes them more adaptable to what you wear.

Second, I like your look with glasses.

Third, I have been wishing my hair like yours for a number of months now - your cut, at least. I hadn't thought one thing or another about the color, honestly. Gray? REALLY? You're not old enough for gray.

Lastly, I find you very brave for changing color so easily or freely. I have yet to color my hair, despite my complete disdain for it's choice to go dark in the last decade. I'm certain it went dark just to contrast and showcase the coming gray. (grr)

Oh Christa Jean, You said it so perfectly!!! Could it be because you are pregnant? I know pregnancy changes the shape of your eye. I always had to get new contacts after have my babies. I too, dislike the way I look in my glasses. This is such a hard concept for us Christian ladies. We want to look good and not frumpy or older than we are, but yet we don't want to be vain either. I like your quote by C.S. Lewis. I also like what I heard from a guest speaker on Focus on the Family, she said she tried to look her best for her husband, and not to show off for other men, and added, that there are times that we need to "paint the barn." I agree, we should look our best, but focus on Jesus.

Here is my transformation story, an expose` really. Words. Written on pages in my heart. They flow from my fingers to you. Holding out hope that, in the writing, I will be made whole. And in the reading, you will find rest.