Shopping 2 - The Return To The Mall

Yeah, so I went shopping with my sister. She's adorable, my sister. Abso-freaking-lutely adorable. Like size 0 adorable. Together, we look like the before and after photos on those weight loss miracle ads. I used to be THIS BIG, and then I took THIS DRUG and now I look like THIS! It's fun to shop with tiny people, because almost everything is cute on them, and I love to egg people on to spend money. I'm a bad influence.

Anyway, I need jeans in a really bad way. I've wearing these sorry, sorry jeans I bought at Old Navy... they were cute for like 5 minutes in April. Now? They bag out at the knee, and the cut is just WRONG. Who decided that low waists were a good idea? And don't even get me started on pocket placement. Hello! I don't need a space between pockets that rivals the grand canyon, or pockets that wrap around the side of my butt, drawing the eye to just how spacious the backyard is. I need perky placement! Jaunty, pert positioning. Not pockets the size of dinner plates hovering a foot below my actual butt!

Why did no one call me and ask what I thought? It's not like I hold back on offering my opinion, right? Yo! Fashion people!

Ahem. Okay. So while shopping with my sister, I sucked it up and tried on every cut of jeans at the Gap, and found a few cuts that would work for me. If I can just grow 6 inches. Alarmed by my moans of frustration echoing from the recesses of the fitting room, the sales clerk suggested that I a) drink heavily before shopping for jeans and b) try online for shorter inseams. I left without pants. New pants, that is. A perusal of the Gap.com site proved that I am mighty fearsome for the staff at the Gap - they were clearly willing to say anything to free up a fitting room and end my ranting about inseam lengths.

So back to the mall I went tonight, with my two little girls in tow. We had some Gymbucks to burn at Gymboree... talk about fun shopping with cute little clothes! Whee! I want some crayola green cords with a mouse popping out of the pocket. I'm giddy that Gymboree has finally realized there is a mint to be made in Mommy sized fashion, because although the Zebra Skirt Debacle is still fresh in my mind...

Hey, throw in some pink Ugg boots, and I could be an extra on the Muppet Show.

Then it was off to the Gap to purchase the jeans that worked, but were too long. Almost a joke, really, those long and lean jeans. Heh. I'll have them altered. Which stinks, but I'm going to tell myself that it's because I'm SPECIAL and they are making them JUST FOR ME. My 5 year old loved that concept. She is miffed that she pretty much fits things off the rack, and is now demanding tailoring.

Last stop was a run into Bath and Body Works where I came away with several 'creamy caramel' candles and some shaving gel for my hubs. The candles smell good enough to eat, as evidenced by my youngest taking a good-sized bite out of one pillar. I do believe she would have choked the whole chunk down, too, out of pure determination. She's just got a thing for orange stuff today.

God bless the fundamental truths of consumerism. Somehow, every time we head off on one of these whirlwind shopping adventures, the length of the ensuing honeymoon period gets shorter and shorter. I wish that sense of fulfillment felt better, and lasted longer.