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Thursday, April 4, 2013

"Mommy I DON'T miss you" What?! OMG! *heartbroken* *Tears*

Many moons ago I blogged about dealing with separation anxiety but that was all of about 4 years in. I now have a very independent and mouthy toddler on hand and well...I still get very emotional when she's away and more so when she verbalizes that she does not miss me!!! (did you hear that atrocity?!) >>>> THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SAY LITTLE GIRL...SIGH

So it's now the Easter holiday here in Jamaica and my 4 year old is by grandma's for the week-long holiday. Now before I share how our phone conversation went, let me put a few things in context.

As an only child, my daughter has a puppy whom she adores. She also has way more toys than she can ever run through but she is constantly bored if there's no one to share them with. Throw in the fact that we now have no kids nearby for her to play with and her sole friend from school who lives close enough hasn't come by in a bit (I'm getting saddened and emotional typing that). So she passes her time on her bicycle, television and games on just about any electronic gadget. I really try to balance that out by letting her have lots of outdoor weekends and some indoor crafts and recently I have started inviting my nieces over more and even allowed her to go by her friend's house for a half day once.

But let's face it- for a 4 year old, it does kinda get lonely at home. She loves her parents yes, but we clearly will never equate to peers.

Then enter grandma's house...holidays, lots of cousins and aunties around and she is in childhood heaven.

As the days go by, I enjoy the 'freedom' somewhat BUT I call EVERYDAY just to find out how she is and have a little conversation.

Day 1. Kai: "Mommy....Hi... Can I please go and play with my friends"?

**HEART BREAKS TO A MILLION PIECES***

She must have heard it in my voice because she later returns to the phone and says " Love you mommy and goes muahhh"***HEART BREAKS A MILLION TIMES MORE****

Days 2-3 etc continue along this path.. though on some days it takes forever to get her on the phone, then i'm given the apology and sometimes "Take care of Daddy"****EYES BRIMMING OVER WITH TEARS*** (What?! mommies have continued pregnancy like hormones that trigger these isolated emotional outbursts right?)

Enter today:

Me: "Hi Boobsie, how are you?
Kai:" I'm fine mommy"
Me: "Having fun?
Kai: "yes mommy but CJ's standing in front of the TV and I cant see"
Me: "Ok, you're having fun?" she must be thinking silly mommy, didn't you just ask me that)
Kai: "yes Mommy...but mommy I have to go and watch "Harry (she pronounces it like Herry like a lil British miss)
Me: "You don't miss me?
Kai: "No Mommy"***MOUTH DROPS OPEN*
Me: "You don't miss mommy?
Kai: "No Mommy"***I'M CLEARLY FAILING TO UNDERSTAND WHY***
Me: "Kai, why don't you miss mommy?"
Kai: "Mommy can you please remember to buy a pink barbie phone" ***CONVERSATION DISMISSED AND BY THIS MY INSIDES HAVE DIED*** but I still manage...
Me: "But you always wanted a Pink Dora phone, why do you now want a Pink Barbie phone?
Kai:"Because the Dora phone is for me and the Barbie phone is for you"

*AWWWWW*** but my heart is still HEAVILY broken***

As a 20 something mum, you'd think I can deal with this right? Well somehow that section of my brain and body that deals with emotional growth and maturity cannot get over the fact that I am not missed. This is like a blow to the heart and a huge part of me is throwing a tantrum somewhere in there maturely trying to process this. SIGH

So yes I'm really being a big kid at this and on sharing it with the Mr. he replies "leave the child alone"<<<< They clearly don't understand right? and for that I tell them

So today I'm sulky and I have no advice on how to deal.. guess I should scroll back up and read my own post on dealing with separation anxiety and while I am at it, I dread....make that D-R-E-A-D the day that she MAY holler "Mommy I do not like you" or scream "ughhhh... I can't wait to get out of here" I sincerely hope she doesn't ever though as that may be the death of me.. So today I'll take the advice... even after many moons, how do you deal? You just CANNOT get it how you CANNOT be missed right?! *tears*

PS... I pulled up another blog post I did on when the baby's away and now it seems i'm a chronic 'separation anxiety/ emotional mess sufferrer :-)