Thursday, May 27, 2010

Last Saturday we celebrated Caitlin's second birthday. How time flies... Papa and Nana, Great Grandma, Grandma and Grandpa Pohlmann, Ben and Dianne, Rikki and Joe Mortl, and Carrie and John were all in attendance to celebrate her special day. She was pretty excited, but she sprained her ancle earlier in the week and had a hard time getting around. That didn't stop her from enjoying the company, more of an excuse to be carried around all day.

She's the sweetest little girl. I just love it when she gets in her silly moods. She spins around in circles and her whispy hair looks like Harry's from Dumb and Dumber (at least she has some, right? I just saw the wedding pictures from Ben and Dianne's wedding and I am thinning faster than a Brazilian rain forest. Holy shit! I can't go outside without a hat these days unless I want dandruff for the next two weeks. Terrible.) For two years Cai Cai has brightened our lives with her kind hearted attitude, her willingness to share, and her excitement for life.

After Caitlin opened her presents, with the help of her older (and much LOUDER sister), we took in the beautiful spring day from the back yard. We played with our new toys and caught up with one another. I love when my family has the opportunity to hang out with Alicia's. They are all such great people. The Pohlmann's get a kick out of my parent's stories about their most recent failed misadventure and my folks love hearing about the simple life on the farm. We are blest to have such a wonderful family.

Tip of the Day: If you have a $5,000 insurance deductable, anything can be fixed with some ace wrap, a bag of ice cubes and a couple of bandaids.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I know, you've been checking in lately only to find your favorite stay at home being lazy and neglectful of his blog. It's been a busy couple weeks and I don't see my schedule easing up anytime in the near future. I love this thing though. I always love running into people I haven't seen in a while and they seem to know all the comings and goings of my life. They are either avid readers or freaky Jason mother f****** who have been stalking me incessantly. In the case of the latter, please don't kill me freaky Jason.

So what have you missed the past few weeks? Only one of the most amazing weekends for my Roses! Last Saturday my brother-in-law Ben got married up in Grey Eagle, MN. He and his beautiful wife Dianne asked Anya to be the flower girl in the wedding and she was the most amazingly beautiful little girl in the world. Dianne's mom made the dress for Anya by hand and she was just glowing.

Her procession down the aisle was about the cutest thing I've ever seen. She was a bit nervous for the first couple steps, but as she noticed all the smiles on the faces on the people in the congregation, she thought "This ain't half bad." She slowly reached in her basket and pulled out a single petal and dropped it to the ground, with this look on her face like, "Should I drop it? I'm going to drop it. You want me to drop it? Can I do this? I don't want to pick this shit up, you sure I can drop it?" As she released the first petal, the congregations laughed. Anya lit up. "Alright, I can work this crowd." As she continued down the aisle, she would make eye contact with someone, and stare them down, and before she was facing completely backwards, she'd drop a petal. "You like that shit, cause I've got a basket full of flowers and all the time in the world..." After about four minutes she made it to the altar. All my Roses were great during the mass. Nana and Papa helped Alicia keep the younger two quiet and Carrie was in charge of keeping Anya from interupting the vows.

At the reception we hired a babysitter to help out with the kids. Since it was Alicia's brother, I stepped up to the plate and took care of the girls for the night. Around 6:30pm I brought the younger two Roses to the hotel and helped get them ready for bed. By the time I returned to the reception, it was already a quarter past seven. We danced for a few hours and around 9:00 it was time for my little princess to hit the hay. I was proud of that little girl, she was on her feet longer than one of the groomsmen (and no that groomsman wasn't me). I brough Anya over to the hotel, changed her into her pjs and was back at the party just before 10:00.

As I made my way back to the dance floor, Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" was playing. Perfect! I scanned the floor for my wife and wrapped my arms around her. She looked up at me with a big smile and said, "I'm having the most wonderful time!" She rested her head on my shoulder as I replied "Me too, hun, me too." We danced for another minute or so and it occured to me that Alicia is really getting close to me. I mean really close, like she was leaning into me. I was hoping it was her usual drunken horniness kicking in, but when I whispered sweet nothings in her ear, I didn't recieve the butt grab I was hoping for. I didn't recieve anything for that matter. She was out like a light. I walked her back to our table for a quick sip of water before we made our way back to the hotel. I had all four of my Roses in bed by 10:30pm. I made it back to the reception just in time to drop my pants to the traditional Johnny closing song, Piano Man. The men swayed with dropped trow and bellared a series of slurred ramblings to the tune of the popular Billy Joel song. I stuck around to help clean up the hall before heading out to a couple local bars for the post wedding party. What a night.

I've got to say, I haven't seen my wife drunk in a couple of years. She is the cutest drunk. She's loud as hell and will let you know exactly what's on her mind. God, I love her! She was going drink for drink with me and I've got her by 100 pounds. We had a great time.

Tip of the Day: A bucket of water and a couple of paint brushes can keep kids busy for hours on the driveway. And thank God for that, cause Alicia and I needed all the rest we could get.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Well it's the second Sunday of May and we all know what that means...(No, fishing opener is next week this year) It's Mother's Day! For some reason we find a need to pick out one day of the year to give special thanks to all the mothers in our lives. One day? Really? For all they do, only one day? I think may should be Mother's Month. Forget about any of the other motherly responsibilities, giving birth alone should give you a week. I mean a guy will celebrate a large bowel movement for days, and we can't do any better than sending flowers and taking our Mom's out to brunch? Time to step up to the plate gentlemen.

I have been blessed with the most amazing mothers in my life. First is my wife. I can't thank her enough for the sacrifices she makes on a daily basis to allow me to stay at home with the Roses. I know I bitch and moan about it all the time (I'm a guy after all, that's what we do) but it really is the greatest 'occupation' I have ever had. Alicia is so devoted to our family that she will work ungodly hours just to spend as much time with me and the girls as possible. She can manage to work 65 hours a week without missing a single family dinner. She will get up at 4am just so she can get to work and make it home by 5pm to eat and play with the girls. When I'm away for a weekend of reffing, I come home to a household of Roses who want nothing to do with me, they just want their Mommy. One day with Mom turns Daddy into chopped liver. And I understand why, there isn't anyone who I'd rather spend time with either. Happy Mother's Day hun, you're the best and I love you.

And I can't forget another amazing mother in my life, my Mom. Unconditional love is a pretty amazing thing; to love someone as a person, regardless of what they do, what they say, even when they cause you pain. My Mom has been one of the greatest teachers in my life. As a father, there are times when I feel really guilty about some of the decisions I make in life. If I go out for a long run, or a night of drinking with some friends, or have that cigarette that I know I shouldn't smoke, this weight of sadness hangs over me, thinking I have let down my girls. Daddy chose to be selfish over us. As I was thinking about it today, there hasn't been a better teacher than my Mom to help me realize how ridiculous my thinking has been. I love my Mom unconditionally and I know she loves me the same. There have been times when she would go out with her friends and have a good time and I never loved my Mom any less. I've been holding myself to an impossible standard. My Mom couldn't be more perfect, especially in her imperfections, and I want to take this MONTH to let her know how much I appreciate her. Thank you Mom for showing me that a 'perfect parent' is only a thought and that all we ever need to be is who we are right now. I love you Mom, you're the best mother a son could ever hope for!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

So it's been over a week since my last posting. Well here's the deal. That fabulous little net book that Anya fixed for me is back on the schnied. It was working fine until Anya "Hit the blue button, then this one, then this one, then this one, then it just turned off." Her attempts to recreate the situation were unsuccessful. So until she miraculously fixes the thing again, I'm shit outta luck. Alicia is back into the busy time of her year so she uses the computer monitor in the basement leaving me little time to share my little stories.

The big news on the week is that we finally moved Caitlin upstairs to Anya's room. Reegan also moved from the living room pack-and-play to a room of her own, with a door and everything. Change is always hard; and this week has been no exception. While the idea of sleeping upstairs was fun and exciting at first, the novelty wore off as soon as Daddy attempted to return downstairs. The one cool thing about this experience is that Anya and Caitlin really have been getting along well. The two have bonded now that they seem themselves as two individuals sharing a common enemy.

Last night Cai Cai came downstairs a couple times before going to bed and we warned her that if she came down again she was going to get a spanking. About five minutes later, Anya the diplomat, came downstairs holding Caitlin's empty sippy cup. While explaining to us that Caitlin was out of water, she motioned to Cai Cai to come out from behind the wall. Caitlin timidly came out into the living room when Anya assured her, "It's alright, they're not going to give you a spanking." The best part was after we filled the cup, Anya put her arm around Caitlin and said, "Don't worry guys, I'll put her back to bed." Alicia was trying to look stern while the girls were in the room, but that even got her to crack a smile...but only for a second.

Another notable outing this week was to the Bakken Museum. It's a small museum highlighting the advances of electricity and magnetism. While all the material is far to advanced for my girls (who the hell am I kidding, it's too advanced for me too), there are a lot of cranks to turn, magnets to connect, and buttons to push (notably mine).

My favorite exhibit is this game called Mind Ball. How it works is that two people sit at a table across from one another and both wear a strap around your head. The strap contains sensors that read your brains activity. The purpose of the game is to have as little brain activity as possible. When your activity is lower than your opponents, a little ball moves towards their goal. The kids like it because they get to wear 'hats' and I like it because it shows that, despite Bill Cosby's accurate description of children, mine are not brain dead.

In fact, it was amazing to see how much activity goes on in those little brains. In the battle between Caitlin and Anya, no winner was decided as both of their brain waves were flowing off the charts. When I explained to them the purpose was to relax and sit still, they were all like, '"Fuck this shit, I'm outta here" (I can't remember exactly what they said, but it was something like that). So I decided to see what my brain activity looked like. In my best efforts to enhance brain activity, I made it just over halfway on the readout scale. I was doing jumping jacks, looking at the complex inner workings of the electron microscopic, and quoting Henry David Thoreau and my brain activity was half of what my 3 year old's was while picking her nose and staring blankly at the wall.

Tip of the Day: When they say beer kills brain cells, they ain't lying.