"Don't Cry For Me, Argentina"

"Don't Whine at Me, Angelina"

The Lyrics

Well, folks, what can I say? It's true, I dumped Angelina. Of course, Jolie, who'd ya think? Fortunately, I've been able to keep it out of the tabloids. For years, before she met Brad, we had a secret thing going. Then he came along and she was torn. I don't want a woman torn, I want her whole.She hasn't yet seen how superficial he is but, she will in time. Even after she started up with him, she kept running back to me. Such is my power.I had to let her go. A lot of guys would think me a fool but.she has this mole, the size of a pinhead behind her left knee. I need perfection.My recording of this parody is here:http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=322836OS lyrics are here:http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Don't-Cry-For-me-Argentina-lyrics-Sarah-Brightman/516EF88778140E24482569610015CE44

I'm not that easy, I won't be tamedIf you cry, it won't change what is realIt was thrills, wasn't loveHad a ball, it was fun

Why won't you leave me?Go, you are free, little girl. We're done, throughAlthough, I confess, you are fineJust kicks, it was heaven for you

Why Brad? You let that sap in. Are you deranged?Couldn't stay with his wife, what a heelI've no doubt you'll let him goSaying he's not the one

No, you don't need himRunning around, trying everyone newYou never can trust him at all He won't make exceptions for you

Don't whine at me, AngelinaThe truth is I've never loved youI'm just a wild layA badass pistonYou'll learn much from thisLike Brad's a Pittance

It must be torture to lose this gameI'm rather delighted to win Though your dreams have been hurledBurned them all in my fire

It's so amusingYou, in your confusion,Run from him to meAs Aniston's tears fall and dryI'm dumping you, cope with it please

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they
appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to
leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

Little

Lots

Matches Pace ofOriginal Song:

How Funny:

Overall Score:

In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.

Voting Results

Pacing:

5.0

How Funny:

4.9

Overall Rating:

5.0

Total Votes:

29

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

Pacing

How Funny

Overall Rating

1

0

0

0

2

0

0

0

3

0

1

0

4

0

1

1

5

29

27

28

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Thanks, Royce. I was just creating a mood for this, in keeping with an Andrew Lloyd Webber production. This soliloquoy is more like something from the Phantom of the Opera, where I am the conceited Phantom and Angelina is Christine.

Oh, please. The only reason Angelina was ever with you was because I wouldn't do that freaky stuff she likes. Though I wouldn't mind making Brad's lip even fatter than hers. Gotta love pouty lips, don't I, honey?

ah, I loved that one Rick, and I admire your strength - I would have been all set to dump her, but not seeing those mink mittens any more would have weakened my resolve - and I agree with your last comment, musing about the pacing-humour trade-off - in fact coincidentally I just wrote a self-involved essay on that very subject over on the Message Board in the "Pacing" thread - see if you agree with me - but back to the parody - you probably know I'm a big fan of setting-up-the-big-picture-first parodies, and this is a classic - 555

It does match really well, I know that song, (believe it or not) really well, long story! You don't need to explain, it was really a great parody. As far as funny, it would be if it were less true... I can't stand the guy, I am with Jennifer... He and Angelina both suck, is nothing sacred, I mean, if you can't wait until a divorce, at least wait until you leave the house for the last time. grrrr. Any way, that was excellent and well done!

Thanks, AFW, MrMacphisto, Dee, Stu and Linda. Stu, I was talking about rhyme/humor tradeoff, not pacing/humor tradeoff. The pacing is fine in this parody. For instance, the OS lyrics near the end are: "There's nothing more I can think of to say to you." I wrote, "There is the door, you can slink off, Tomb Raider, you." The pacing is dead on but, since I was trying to rhyme the OS so closely, it limited my word choices. Had I not been trying to do that, I could have come up with a funnier line.

One of my countless incomplete parodies is "Don't Back-Door Me, Angelina." I swear. Your take is much more user-friendly, Rick, but you gotta admit that the convergence of ideas makes Arwen's "screw your bottom" comment that much more meaningful.

I just listened to the recording, by the way. Very impressive. (I even informed SoundClick that it was HOT.) You're destined to be famous one of these days. Please remember the rest of us dorks when you do. As for Angelina, I think she may have a pretty good chance of reaching the limelight too.

Soliloquy? (Goes away to look it up). Aha! My grandma used to say that there's nothing wrong with talking to yourself, you get such intelligent answers. (And getting funny SOTM contenders out of it can't be bad either).

(SOTM) Wow, that recording was great! (and that was just the low-fi version). Rhyming syllable for syllable usually is a trade off for an all out funny line, its a rare thing to hit them both at the same time. Yes, this is funny (much better than TOS), especially if one can imagine Angelina standing in front of you (which I could/did). 5s.

(SOTM) whoops, I didn't see your answer to my previous comment, Rick - yes, I know that's what you meant, and that's what I was agreeing with (I've often raised the point that different people jump different ways when there's an evenly-balanced rhyming/humour trade-off) but I meant my "essay" was broadly related, being about trade-offs. It was also funny that I was going to mention your brilliant Tomb Raider line in this comment, before I saw your mention of it - I also liked your gag-loaded intro - very funny - you made up for any wasted humour opportunities there - in fact I preferred re-reading this to listening to the recording, which I also did - I think it's because you can savour favourite lines better

Been away a while. It's hard to believe this is the last parody I've written and, it was a month and a half ago. Working on a CD with Dee Range and it's hard to focus on writing when I'm thinking about recording. Thank you JD, Spaff, yes I'll remember you but, if I become famous, it will be for something stupid; like, perhaps, falling from the Eiffel Tower. (I'm as much a klutz as Arwen claims to be). Thanks Arwen, Josh2, Agri, Pat :-), Peter, wannabe, Red Ant and Stu. I did read your essay on the messageboard Stu. Not sure if I commented there but, I appreciate your re-read and comments. In fact, thinking about the intro to your McArthur's Park parody sparked me to do one for this.

I confess I always thought the original song was a real yawner. Yours is waaaay better. I too loved the "badass piston" and "Brad's a Pittance" part best. Great recording too; your voice reminded me of Mr. Robert Goulet a bit. (that was a compliment).

The choice between a funny parody and a syllable-for-syllable soundalike is an easy one for me: I'll take funny every time. You've managed to accomplish both with this one, and that's a helluva feat. (I gotta admit, though, I prefer your unfettered funny stuff.) Fave line this go-round: "Let go my knee, Angelina." My rating remains: HOT!

(SOTM) This is why I don't like the idea of manatory commenting. I didn't find this to be particularly great, and saying it isn't bad but i didn't find it to be a masterpiece would appear to be insulting compared to the glowing feedback that precedes me. And it's certainly too well-written to deserve an insulting comment. So I'm stuck with what I've got written here - I'm not satisfied with the comment but what choice do I have? I guess i could've typed "(sotm) not bad" but I already typed those last few sentences out and they're staying put.

Ethan, you have one thing right. This is not the best parody Mr. Cormier has ever written, but it is still great enough to take second place in SOTM against stiff competition. And it is also better than ANYTHING you have ever done, bar none. He averages nearly 5 on all his scores, and gets many many comments on his work, all of them(except yours) highly appreciative of his skill and humor. And checking your author page, I see you average LESS THAN 4 in all categories. So before you leave a snide comment like this on one of Amiright's great parodists, you ought to look in the mirror and face the truth. You have little, if any talent, as a parodist. Your singing is beyond atrocious. And spiteful, jealous comments like the one you left here will do nothing but bring further comments like the one I'm leaving here. Have a good day, sir.

Hey, "Neutral Observer": What you are NOT is neutral. What you ARE is a prick.

I do not find Ethan's comment "snide" or "spiteful" at all. I find your comment both, and very much so. To me, all Ethan was saying was that this wasn't his favorite parody, but he didn't want to have to say so for fear of his comment being read wrong. ("It's certainly too well-written to deserve an insulting comment.") Obviously his fear was justified. But he couldn't NOT comment, because there are people (like me) who have pushed to require SOTM entrants to comment on all the other entries. Had I known that this would lead to bitchy, retaliatory comments like yours, I would have backed off of that.

I have worked with Rick, I enjoy his stuff, and I'm sure his self-esteem is strong enough to handle an occasional comment like "I didn't find it to be a masterpiece." (If it weren't, he wouldn't be performing at comedy clubs, where audiences can be far less diplomatic.) I also enjoy Ethan's writing; it's far better than you give him credit for. He's faced some really nasty personal attacks on this site lately, and I'm pretty sure they're originating from the same source. Ethan doesn't need me to come to his defense, but, seriously, man, chill out. We should all be able to be give and receive less-than-glowing assessments of our work; if not, what good is feedback?

I defend Ethan's comment, and understand his point (despite my voting this parody third in SOTM) What's more, Rick himself pre-empted Ethan's reaction in his post-comment. In fact, Ethan, contrary to your conclusion, your refreshingly honest comment (certainly not "snide") suggests to me that mandatory commenting is a GOOD thing. btw, pop psych challenge: we know the pseudonym is angry and devious, but we also know he thinks he's a better parody-writer than Ethan, and that he's arrogant, because he thinks his ability to disguise his writing-style is superior to all of our ability to pick up clues - hmmm...

Ethan, I wish I had been first to respond to your comment. I don't need anyone to defend me or my work. I appreciate your taking the time to read it and leaving an honest comment, even if it was less than glowing.

Definitely a lot of credit for inspiring an outstanding musical. And for tracking so closely to the OS and still making sense and achieving humor. And for a lot of great lines, particularly "Brad's a Pittance."