For the longest time, movies have showed us polarising images of how being married is.

Movies like The Vow shows how enduring the love your partner has for you can be, even in difficult times.

On the flipside, movies like Gone Girl show you how utterly dysfunctional and destructive the union of two individuals can be.

Even off-screen, we’ve witnessed some of the sweetest relationships go sour, and the most unlikely pairings turning into #couplegoals.

But what is married life and staying together really like, especially when you’re fresh out of your parents’ nest?

I talked to 5 Singaporean couples, and found out more about the best bits of their newfound independence, and also the pains that come with it.

Patrina & Johnathan (Both 28, Married 5 Months)

Patrina & John

What’s the best part about married life?

I get to live with my best friend forever. There’s this sense of inner bliss, especially if you really believe you settled down with the right one. I feel like very little else matters. I get to be who I aspire to be, I care less about naysayers.

Because at the end of the day, I come home to my wife and she is 80% of my life. I feel invincible.

What’s the worst part about married life?

When we fight, there’s nowhere to go.

So if you’re like me, you pace around the living room, stroll the void deck until you forget why you’re angry. And you crawl back to bed and spoon with the enemy.

What’s the best part about moving out and running a home independently together?

It’s like a never-ending staycation. A place exactly how you intended it to be. Simple things like going like waking up and going to sleep in your own home feels shiok.

What’s the worst part about moving out and running a home independently together?

You realise how expensive it actually is to be alive.

And ironing. F*** ironing.

Janet & Jeremy (Both 29, Married 1 Year 4 Months)

Jeremy & Janet

What’s the best part about married life?

You finally get to build your dreams together!

Marriage certainly matures me as a person. Before, you only have to think about yourself. Now, every decision you make affect not just you but your other half. It is the source of motivation to strive to be better than you were yesterday.

What’s the worst part about married life?

It is probably the hardest to have to compromise your own lifestyle and time with your partner.

There may be times when you really wish to stay beyond working hours to complete a certain task, but knowing that your spouse will have to then eat dinner alone is not a great feeling.

What’s the best part about moving out and running a home independently together?

The freedom and space! We get to do whatever we want and set our own rules.

We can hang out in the house, so no need to spend extra money going out.

What’s the worst part about moving out and running a home independently together?

The dishes. The laundry. And the wiping of tables.

Han Zi & Bowen (26 And 27, Married 2 Years)

Bowen & Han Zi

What’s the best part about married life?

Always having a sounding board/companion to talk (and argue) about things or decisions.

What’s the worst part about married life?

Making space for someone’s lifestyle and habits.

What’s the best part about moving out and running a home independently together?

I don’t do all the cleaning myself HAHA! And you sort of get to pick the chores you like (or feel more motivated to do).

I like to make beds, but he likes to cook and also wash dishes.

What’s the worst part about moving out and running a home independently together?

Having to do chores in the first place. Neither of us like ironing haha!

Also, laundry-hanging sucks. The poles are not smart, and my service yard damn small. But I don’t want to use a dryer but it gives my clothes a weird smell. I like the smell of hung laundry dried in the wind.

I think everyone who lives in a BTO will agree that hanging laundry is damn stupid, because all service yards are very small. They also fixed where the poles will be, and that’s the same place where you have to fit the washing machine.

Ke Sin & Delwin (Both 26, Married 7 Months)

Delwin & Kesin

What’s the best part about married life?

Marriage is a new phase of life to me. I feel so blessed and happy about starting a small family with someone I love!

What’s the worst part about married life?

You are no longer just you and your family. After marriage, it becomes you and your spouse, and there are two families that we need to think about.

I won’t say that this is the worst part, but I think this is the biggest issue couples face after marriage.

What’s the best part about moving out and running a home independently together?

FREEDOM! You can live the way you want to, no more nagging from parents haha!

It does feel very different when you’re staying at your own house. A sense of belonging at a different level.

What’s the worst part about moving out and running a home independently together?

I feel that living independently comes with a cost. This is worst part is when you are too reliant on parents at home. When you stay with parents, everything comes so easily – for example cooking meals, doing laundry, ironing…

Only after I moved out did I realise that there is so much to do to maintain a new home! There’s a lot of things I need to learn too.

Madeline & Remy (29 And 32, Married 11 Months)

Madeline & Remy

What’s the best part about married life?

There’s generally more time for each other, and schedules and activities became easier to coordinate as we align on common goals and outcomes.

It’s a very natural thing, like how forks in the road merge into a single path.

What’s the worst part about married life?

Having to accept all flaws that come with the person and face them 24/7 hahaha.

That being said, no one is perfect. I’m not perfect. It’s all about loving the whole person.

What’s the best part about moving out and running a home independently together?

The best part is the feeling that you are invested into building something important with your partner for the long term. It’s a place that you both have worked hard for and come home to.

It gels the couple and develops a ‘we’re in this together’ atmosphere.

You can’t have that when you’re staying apart or when you’re living with your parents.

What’s the worst part about moving out and running a home independently together?

Knowing definitely that you will get blackmailed into doing the chores your spouse doesn’t feel like doing.

When Reality Sets In

Marriage is a huge step, and while all of our respondents shared that they love how they’re now able to embark on a “new phrase of life” with someone they love, the reality of needing to be independent hits them as soon as they receive their first electricity bill.

After 20+ years of living in homes where everything is pretty much taken care of, we take many things for granted.

For those who’ve helped out in chores around their house, perhaps the ‘culture shock’ isn’t as apparent.

However, for the luckier ones who’ve always had a maid (or long-suffering mother) to pick up after them, chores like scrubbing a toilet bowl, or trying to get rid of a stain on your partner’s clothes become a problem that only either of you can solve.

Image Credit: Giphy

One of the more common gripes mentioned was doing household chores.

More specifically, doing the laundry and ironing.

Hanging wet clothes out to dry and eventually needed to iron out every cease is both tedious and time-consuming, a nightmare for working couples who can’t even garner the energy to cook dinner.

Solving One Of The Many Challenges Of Married Life

Married life can be challenging, but there are aspects that a couple can certainly get a little help in.

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