One time, our parents were looking for potential houses to move into. While they never did move, they did bring us along on all the trips with the realtors, so we could see what the houses look like.

We were at one possible house, in the middle of a grand tour, and I distinctly remember seeing the sliding glass doors a little open on the last house we visited, so when I saw the backyard of the one we were currently seeing, I thought they must have left the doors open for us to walk out in the backyard and see it, again. My brain lapsed and I didn't ever realize that the doors are see-thru and closed.

I didn't have an ohnosecond, I just walked merrily into the glass doors and realized my error the second my mouth and nose began feeling a great deal of pain. I was fine, no harm done anywhere, but my sister wondered what was wrong with me. I think I mumbled some excuse about really clean windows and slunk off. Realtors weren't mad, at all, and they said we were really well behaved later.

My most glorious what-have-I-done? moment came while living in Guam, which has earthquakes. I am a Texan, so was not used to such geological tomfoolery.

I was in my half of a little duplex that, thankfully, was one of only two houses on the road, the second far away. It was 2 or 3 a.m. and the dogs and I were sound asleep when a big one hit, a 7.0 of long duration.

I SHOT out of bed in a complete panic and began to make my way to the front door, cleverly grabbing my purse and keys. The dogs and I could NOT get out of the house fast enough.

I'm outside, gasping, shaking, and it's pitch dark (whole island lost power pretty much instantly). The dogs are beside themselves with fear. The quake is still going on.

It's then I realize I'm standing there, purse on my shoulder, keys in hand ... and nekkid as a jaybird!

I ran back inside, to the dog's great dismay, grabbed a sarong, and thanked the deity the guy living in the other half of the duplex hadn't been home to see the other "natural disaster" the island experienced that night!

Then came the disaster, right when I was putting the last zig-zaggy thingamabob on, THE CAKE FELL OFF THE KITCHEN COUNTER!!!!! I have NO idea how that could have happened. And let me tell you, when a cake hits the floor, IT REALLY HITS THE FLOOR. That stupid cake smashed into thousands of crumbs!!!

Oh noooo! I apologize for laughing.

And that reminds me of two stories.

One: I made a lovely apple pie for a potluck dinner. I still have no idea how this happened, but when I took it out of the oven to put it on the cooling rack, the entire pie - crust, filling, and everything - flew out of the pie plate and landed on the floor several feet away in a broken, steaming, sticky heap.

Two: On a very busy workday evening, I was supposed to bake a cake for some affair at my husband's place of work. I got the cake started after feeding animals, then while it was in the oven, started on the evening housework. Being in a rush I was not in the best mood and while dust-mopping the kitchen, I grumbled to myself, "What the hell are those eggs doing on the kitchen counter?" There were three mystery eggs, just sitting there.

Several minutes later, I realized that those eggs were supposed to be in the cake. In my haste, I'd neglected to add them. As it turns out, eggs are vital to the structural integrity of cakes.

I got a panicked phone call about 9pm, telling me there was water going everywhere from the back of the toilet. It was an outside toilet in a little wooden outbuilding several metres from the house, with the water supply running up the outside of the back wall (important later). Sure enough, water was fountaining everywhere from a burst hose. I turned off the tap but it was too dark to see anything, so I told the tenant I'd have it fixed tomorrow and went home.

The next day, the handyman told me in bemusement that we were quite lucky - the toilet had almost burned down!

What???

Turns out the tenant had emptied the ashes from the wood heater just behind the toilet. The ashes had started the wooden frame smouldering, but it was alright - the fire had burnt through the water hose and the water had put the fire out! The tenant was mortified beyond description but I laughed so hard I was almost sick.

I still picture what it would have been like if the outbuilding had actually burned down in the night. The poor tenant, staggering out the back door first thing in the morning to go to the loo, only to be confronted with a pedestal standing in the smoking ruins...

I'm an occasional victim of the "ohnosecond" - that infinitesimal slice of time where you realize you've done something dumb but it's too late to stop yourself.

[snip]

Oh yes. BTDT. Always say, "Well, that was stupid." My most memorable one to date was the day I accidentally flushed some underpants down our toilet. YDD was PT and we were doing the hard core underpants-only drill. She made a mess and I was trying to minimize the damage by swishing them around the toilet to clean them off before the soaking and washing. I inexplicably hit the flush lever and they got sucked right out of my hand. I was halfway through the flush when I realized what I'd done but they were already gone.

Our pipes leave much to be desired, so it was much more than just a lost pair of underwear. Fortunately, we have our own rodder and a plumber was not necessary but DH was not exactly thrilled to be spending his afternoon cleaning out drains...

I'm ADHD so I have a lot of moments where I'll be doing something and the good part of my brain is warning me, "You know, you probably shouldn't do it that way." Sometimes I'm able to stop and listen but other times...

By the time I got home I was really mad and yelled at him for making me walk home in the rain and that bleepity bleeping car (unreasonable I know, it was a long time ago). He ended up calling a tow truck and met him at the car. They went to attach it to the tow truck and discovered it was in neutral...automatics wont start if they aren't in park, but since I'd been driving the stick I had gotten used to just turning it off and setting the hand brake...I didn't even look to see if it was in park...$80 later (the fee for the tow truck just showing up) hubby had way more reason to be ticked at me than I did at him.

LOL, I did something like that with my mom's car once. And I can't even blame it on being used to a stick. I don't know where my brain was that day. A work friend and I were going to go out after she finished her shift. I had driven my mom's car to pick her up and got there a little early so I could grab a bite to eat. When I got there, I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get the key out of the ignition. Turns out that it helps a whole bunch if you put the car in park first. I must have spent 20 minutes messing with it before I figured it out. This was LONG before cell phones and it was late, so I was very reluctant to call her. I'm glad I didn't, LOL.

I make stock all the time and I've dumped stock down the sink more than once. I've got a pot brewing now and i guess I'd better attach a sticky note reminding myself that stock and spaghetti are two different concepts.

This is one of my favorite brain burps as it was actually a folie à deux. I was hunting for drain cleaner in a big box home improvement store & asked a clerk for help. He took me to the right section and I pulled out two jugs. They looked alike except for the color so I asked the clerk "what's the difference between these?"

The two of us stood there for several minutes comparing the jugs. Except for the color, they seemed pretty identical--same ingredients, same kinds of claims for efficacy, same kinds of instructions. I finally figured out the difference. We had both missed the obvious: they were two completely different brands. We were so busy reading the fine print, we hadn't looked at the great big brand names.

Love this! Love it even more because I've just finished reading Mercedes Lackey's series on Shipcats (SKitty etc), and it struck a chord.

I'm glad you got a laugh out of it. It's a lot funnier now than it was yesterday, although methinks the computer is pouting. My connection, which previously was a pretty standard speed, has suddenly and inexplicably slowed down to nothing. Apparently, I'm mean for making it do work with the internet connection, and it wants to be looking at kitty pictures and reading bad date stories.

We had a printer that behaved like that. The only thing that fool printer understood was violence. If you picked it up and slammed it down on the desk it would work, or if you hit it really hard with your fist. It met its demise when Dad dropped it out the upstairs window. (Yes, my family has a bit of an anger problem with inanimate objects, why do you ask? )

I really really really need that rolling on the floor laughing smiley thing

Count me in as another one who had a stupid "ohno" accident *because* of this thread

was making my guilty pleasure lunch of jalepeno poppers. Heard the timer go off. Opened the toaster over...grabbed the baking sheet. As my fingers touched the 450 degree metal I said, out loud, "I should have a potholder"