Diary of a Teen Ninja

Day 1:

Dear Diary,

I was walking home from school today with Vampirefr34k and D1abl0 and we saw this hella s1ck poster advertising Ninjitsu classes. It said we could learn to be Ninjas, which is hecka cool. I copied the number from the poster down into my cellphone with the HIM logo on it and walked home. Mom got p1$$ed when i asked her if i could join. She said something about me being gay enough as it is. I called her a bitch (under my breath, of course). I swear my parents just don't understand me.

A little background 1nfo for you, diary: My dad tried to put me in football when i was in 8th grade, but i quite after a week when i got hit too hard and peed in my jockstrap. It was the worst day of my life. After that i changed my image and became a total badass. I started wearing all black and painted my nails. I would sometimes put white base makeup on, but had to stop when my mom caught me using hers. Anyway, the kids at school were totally freaked out by me, and left me alone. Even today i like to sit in class with my Slipknot hoodie on and listen to my walkman, and nobody messes with me. I'm just too dark and 3vil for these mere mortals. haha!! Anyway....

Im gonna go eat dinner and then talk to my internet girlfriend from the Phillipines for awhile and hit the coffin (bed! lolz). later Diary.

Day 4

Dear Diary,

I've done it. After much pleading with mom, she finally let me start training to be a real Ninja!! It's totally badass too. I was learning some stuff im kinda scared to talk about even with you, Diary. Sensei says its like, super top secret stuff str8 from the scrolls. I was learning how to kill people by hitting a point on their arm that will make them crap out their heart 2 days after being hit. Plus we got to throw stars, and we trained in how to use the Ninja sword. Sensei has the exact one i almost talked my dad into buying for me at the flea market last year. Of course dad said he wasn't paying $50 for something i would just use to carve up the neighbor's cat. Yeah right, dad. I'm part tiger anyway. That's what my mentor on the Vampire online game says. So why would i kill my own species?

I caught my older sister Jamie making out with some guy in his car last night. I snuck up on them just like sensei trained me. I made a mask out of pieces of my old black Korn t-shirt that i don't like anymore. When i popped up beside the window they both screamed. It was hella sweet. He got out and said he was gonna kick my ass and i hit him right on the spot sensei showed me, so he should be crapping out his heart any day now. He might have given me a black eye, but im gonna be the 1 laughing tommorrow. That's all for today. I can't wait for class tommorrow!! We're gonna be studying shadow transferring.

P.S... I forgot..i cant go to class becuz Jamie told on me and im grounded for a week.

Day 20

Dear Diary,

Class was killer!!! We learned how to defend ourselfs against getting put on the ground, which is rilly useful becuz i see a lot of guys fight at school and one of them almost always tackles the other one to the ground and wins. Sensei says also that cage fighters do that stuff, but that we don't compete there becuz all of them are too skeered of us and won't let us in because of our deadly strikes and stuff. Maybe i should go in and just tell them that i do regular karate. haha!! I'd kick all there asses. Its not a half bad idea, either. Top prize is always a lot of money and im getting my drivers license soon, so i need to be getting a car. Mom's Corolla is just embarassing.

PS.. Jamie's boyfriend is still alive, so i might need a little more practice on hitting that pressure point. He's a total @sshole.

I got in my first real fight today. It was totally sweet. He started talking trash about my nail polish. I told him that his feeble mind was too weak to comprehend the symbolism behind it, and he called me an emo fagg. I felt all the power of all the Ninja grandmasters through the years swell up in me as i kicked him over in his wheelchair.

I can't wait 'til class tommorrow so i can tell Sensei that i've tested my skills. After he hears of it, i wouldnt be surprised if he teaches me the water kata thats supposed to build up your chi so you can walk over water. That would be good...because im tired of stepping in piss puddles that our dog leaves in the hallway.

Newayz...mIRC is calling, see ya diary!!

Day 36

Dear Diary,

I got suspended for kicking that guy's ass at school, so im sitting here at home. It's all good tho, cuz D1abl0 is coming over and we're gonna watch the newest Anime porno he downloaded off the net. This one is supposed to have Sailor Moon banging Avatar. He wants me to show him some Ninjitsu, but i told him i would after he got my shields up to Lvl. 97 on Runescape, so he's gonna do that for me while he's here.

The Judo dojo up on keeling street called Sensei a fake and challenged him to a match. Sensei says he's gonna go home and meditate tonight and pull all his grandmaster's spirit into him and go and take on the whole school tommorrow. I wish i could go. I think its gonna be hella awesome when he starts kicking their asses. People just don't understand that Ninjas....we aren't the kind of people you wanna **** with.