David Cross Interview

Did you follow this year's late night scandal?

David Cross: I did. I was here so I didn't have daily access to it, and the papers didn't really cover it here, but it seemed pretty sh*tty on NBC's part, and to a lesser degree but still responsible on Jay Leno's part. It was a mistake that almost all the blame has to be laid at Jeff Zucker's feet. I mean, he made terrible decision after terrible decision. As Conan himself said: "Don't feel sorry for me, I'm doing great." I'm just excited that he'll be back on TV. He had a great show with a great writing staff -- I know most of them -- it was good stuff.

What websites do you check daily, first thing in the morning?

DC: First thing I do is check ESPN.com to see how my fantasy teams are doing, then I'll probably scoot over to my Yahoo homepage, then I scooch on over to Huffington Post, skim through that, go to Talking Points Memo, then I hop on down to RawStory.com. Then I'll scooch on over evgrieve.com, which is The East Village Grieve, which is just to check in on my hometown. Then I might scooch down over to boingboing then; I spend way too much time on the internet, then I go to work.

So you skip the whole celebrity gossip thing?

DC: People will send sh*t, but as far as celebrities that I don't know, I don't give a sh*t about Kloe Kardashian. (Laughs) It's deeper than a waste of time.

Have you been following Bob Odenkirk's work on Breaking Bad?

DC: I don't think I have AMC in New York.

Well, there's this great thing called the internet that allows you to stream shows.

DC: F*ck that. I don't want to watch shows on my computer. I'm a cranky old man that way. I saw one episode on the place, and I've heard great things. It's the kind of show I'll rent the box set and watch them all at once, which is how I tend to watch TV now anyways.

Are you a fan of what Tim and Eric are doing?

DC: Oh absolutely.

When are we going to see the Arrested Development film?

DC: Somewhere around 2022.

Is that your stock answer?

DC: It's about to be. It used to be 2021 but I added a year.

At your age, what do you do to watch your weight?

DC: Ugh. Man, whatever it is, I'm not doing a good job. I probably weigh more now than I ever have. It's f*cking metabolism. I used to be able to eat whatever i wanted, drink two gallons of beer a night, and then in my mid-30s it all started going down hill. I definitely have a beer gut.

Does it make a difference if you watch what you eat and exercise?

DC: It does make a difference. I just need to be more persistent, and have a greater degree of responsibility. But I try to walk a lot, but being in London I drink so much beer. We start shooting on Monday, so I will not be drinking much at all. I'll probably have a pint or two at night and that'll be that. I probably won't have a lot of beer until I'm done shooting, so by then I should have gotten rid of a few of the pounds.

Is it more difficult now to deal with hangovers?

Is there a part of you that maybe says: "I'm getting older, maybe I should stop drinking as heavily as I did in my youth?"

DC: I've been thinking that for 25 years now, but to be honest, I'm very lucky to be both in a job that allows me to drink and have the constitution and where-with-all to be able to jump up in the morning and perform my task and write and create. When I have to, and certainly when I'm acting and getting up at 6 in the morning and working all day, I don't drink. But if I'm not working or in between jobs, then f*ck yeah, I'll drink every night, all night.

Can you imagine your life without alcohol?

DC: At some point I'll probably have to. If I have to stop, I have to stop. That's what pills are for.

What did you for pornography before the internet?

DC: You know, the scrambled cable box and Cinemax at my friend's house, downstairs. And Playboy.

That seems so archaic to me.

DC: It is. It's archaic to me too, believe me. You don't know of my generation's struggles to get their nut off.