1. If I can lose 20-25 pounds around my midsection
2. If I can gain a modicum of self confidence without the use of any artificial stimulants
3. If I can learn how to take decent photographs of myself with adequate equipment, because I sure as fuck don't want anyone else taking shots of me.

If I can do all that, I promise to SG that I will do the following before my current membership is over:

I WILL SUBMIT A SET TO SUICIDE BOYS.

See, I used to not mind being naked. Somewhere along the line, I got old, I got fat, I lost my nerve. Well thanks to SG, I'm getting my nerve back. Still fat, but I can change that, Still old, but don't have to act it.