Erections typically happen to straight men, though gay men occasionally get them. It usually occurs as a result of seeing David Beckham take off his shirt after a game, seeing the perfect sheets and pillow combination, seeing a rainbow, or seeing Margaret Thatcher.

Wait, I'm being informed that Margaret Thatcher is, in fact, a woman. Well. I'll be damned.

An erection is also an event which is held once every 4 years in community centres and other public buildings. Participents must be over the age of 18 and are required to stand in a booth. This practice first originated in New York City, USA in c.1408, when crusader Knights returning from Jerusalem took the wrong turning at Cyprus. In order to occupy and indeed entertain themselves when without food or potatoes in this deserted land, they would take part in rounds of mutual masturbation, whereby one Kinght would force an erection upon several other Knights who would lay claim as leader of the group. This soon became democratic and was thus adopted by southern-hemisphere countries such as England, France and Jamaica.

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Erection concerns

Despite what "TeenHelp.org" may have told you, yes, your erection is not big enough to satisfy any girl. And no... Justin Timberlake Can't get it up.

Just in case you were wondering where that high C came from

Symptoms of An Erection

An erection can usually be diagnosed by a bulge in a man's trousers and, on occasion, a sudden unwillingness to remove his hands from his pockets upon request.

If you see a hot girl coming by, imagine her naked, or just rape her. Then your penis will slowly enlarge causing it to feel like a bone, thus the word boner.

Erections and Girls

Guys, we told you that your erection IS not big enough to satisfy any girl. And we mean "any". Men like us (if you're not a man, get out!) believe that erections are made to satisfy girls, especially girls from your dreams. Remember, the golden rule is...you'll never get a hot gal if your erection is not big enough. There are 5 things you need to know about your erection before you go chase after any hot girls. These 5 are:

We call that a boner over here in the states.

Make sure your erection is big enough to protrude from your pants.

Your erection must look sexy.

Make sure Gordon Brown hasn't touched your erection.

Your erection must NEVER shrink for a lifetime.

Make sure your erection grows everyday.

Those are the 5 rules of erections. These rules are a 100% meant to be used to satisfy girls. If you break any single rule of these laws, you'll never have an erection that can satisfy any girl. Period.

That said, an erection can also be a harmful thing. If any girl other than a nymphomaniac notices, or forbid it feels your erection and does not want sex, you will be ridiculed. This applies doubly if it is at a wedding, and you are a priest marrying a prince to a side dish.

Erections are useful for Sex. It is hard to suck your own penis to make an erection but there are other methods of masturbation other than sucking your penis.

If the girl is a prude, like notorius super-pruder Urethra Franklin, the erection should be hidden until she wants, to use the scientific term, to make whoopie. This fact has led to many back-alley on-off switches installation operations. Some advanced models have been recently installed by anonymous doctors, despite public outcry, protests, death threats, attempted bombings, and two constitutional amendments. These models have a variable potentiometer allowing for a full range of flexibility, from flaccid to flak-cannon. The easiest way to detect these switches is to search a mans throat with your tongue, an act that commonly triggers the switch for less-experienced users inadept at concealing them.