How do you know if you have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset? And how do you get out of the fixed mindset, really?

I doesn't matter what you think you believe.

I am starting to notice that what you say you believe is one thing, what you actually believe is expressed a lot more truthfully in your actions and in your reactions.

One of the most useful distinctions I learned from Hungarian author, Margoczi, is the distinction of "devaluing of your 'I'"

If you have an "I" that can be devalued, then it must be fixed.

If you compare your "I" with anyone else's, and you are higher and you feel smug about it, or your "I" is lower and you feel bad about it, then you have a fixed mindset.

First: there is no connection between the two, not even correlation. Someone else's knowledge, level of vibration, etc. is wholly and fully independent of yours... it means nothing about you.

I often use the method of comparison to get my smug students off their arses... to make them do something.

It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does.

When only competition, or the fear of missing out operates on you: you don't have a growth mindset. And that should be your number one job, because a fixed mindset is a misery maker.

Not only because others are better than you, but because you are often delusional and because you tend to only do what you are good at, and none of what you are bad at...

Nothing about you is fixed, and nothing about you is dependent on another's anything.

That thinking, at its core, is scarcity thinking. That there is only so much to go around.

I remember when I was like that. When another's success meant that I was a failure. It was horrible.

Now, let us see what is talking, what is listening, who is talking who is listening.

when you feel that someone is better

when someone says you made a mistake or did something wrong

when you take things personally

You see all vantage points are valid. Can you tell who? The being?

And if yes, what is the being when you are offended, feel slighted, or put upon?

The brilliant Amish horse training exercise, done right, is coming to the rescue.

Here is an email exchange I had with someone today:

She:

I got back to the article about incoherence and this sentence especially hit: "I promise that this sense of scarcity, this fear of loss won't go away. It is part of your "Opponent" or "IT", and it is here to stay."

When I first read it, it was … wtf… but the more I am in this I see that beside the voices I can manage to move (at least some of the time) to the point: "Ok, you do your job I'll do mine" and do what I need to do together with them – they are there and I'm here (so to say) and I'm starting to see how that 'tool' (Amish horse training) is a help to get used to all that is going on. Bit by bit I manage to do much more in a day than I used to do in a week before… amazing

I keep on catching "IT"...

my answer:

it's excellent. But try to do it not forcefully. When you talk to IT it has already won, won your attention.
Consider it the wind.

her again:

Oh, yes (my forcefully forceful). I think I see what you mean, but it's so subtle, so let me check if I got it: I need to be 'lighter' - somehow to let it in, pass and go smoothly… all in one light brush stroke ?? (i'm in a painting course, learning how to paint deliberately)

me again:

no. that also means interaction.

the only thing you want to do is to note it. like the wind.

you may ask: does this have anything to do with me?
Example: I am going to my exercise class and suddenly there is a strong wind. I ask: shall I worry? and then if it is yes, I'll wear something to help with the wind. If no, then nothing.

I don't have to argue with the wind. I don't have to wish it away. I have to notice, ask, and adjust if necessary.

and her again:

wow, yes, yes, it's clear now, so simple - notice, ask and adjust

thank you so much

So, as you see, each person needs some guidance, and the guidance needs to be specific.

The lower your number the more words trigger emotions that are not accurate, that are based on knowing that word wrong.

The faulty, inaccurate vocabulary, not your fault, is the cause each person needs to be guided.

Misunderstanding the instructions is incredibly easy... because the words don't mean the same to you.

This is one of the reasons to read. Not trash by writers on the same level of bad use of words... But good writers.

Reading is immersion therapy. The world wants you to be upset. You counter the world's desire with reading.

No kidding.

If your vocabulary stays the same and you remain with the scarcity thinking fixed mindset, nothing will ever help you.

But of all those above, the Amish horse training method is the most needed... because even if you hear a word wrongly, you can safely ignore the jumping negative emotional response that is coming from IT.

PS: On my way back from the exercise class, someone asked if I am hurrying to escape the storm.

In Syracuse every rain is a storm. Every snow fall is a storm.

In Hungary we have seven-eight different words for the kind of rain that was coming, none of them are fear generating.

But in the "everything is the same as everything else" kind of vocabulary, everything is a drama... Big f... ing drama.

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