Writing Techniques

In the small, foreign country where I live, Spring is making a heroic effort to assert itself. It’s going two steps forward and one step back. But today is gorgeous; a perfect day to learn about brackets!

First, I must confess: In my last post, which mentioned author Ken Follett, I spelled his name wrong. I forgot the second t. Many thanks to my lovely brother-in-law, who pointed it out. And sorry, Ken! If you click on my post now, you’ll see that I’ve corrected my mistake.

I love the word bracketology

As I said in my previous post, I’m currently working on a project that has many members of the team a bit bracket-challenged. Then I discovered that another book I’m editing is bracket-heavy and needs close bracket supervision. Thus, I thought I’d revisit the bracket issue.

Brackets

Brackets are also called square brackets (as opposed to round brackets, i.e., parentheses). They are used when an omniscient being is interrupting or clarifying the prose. Brackets are the most off-topic, as they are divorced from the subject matter, the point of view, and/or the quotation. They can be used in the following situations:

When an author is quoting someone but needs to change the quote to make the prose sound better: Johnny said that “[he] always wanted to fly a combat helicopter.” The original quote was “I always wanted to fly a combat helicopter,” but the author was using third person and thus changed the I to he.

When more explanation is necessary: “All of them joined in the valley of Siddim, which is [now] the Salt Sea” (Genesis 14:3). The word “now” is not in the original Hebrew. It was added because the Salt Sea wasn’t called the Salt Sea at the time of the war being described in this verse; it was called the valley of Siddim at that time. A literal translation might confuse readers, most of whom assume that a valley is not a sea. (Notice that I enclose the source, i.e., Genesis 14:3, in parentheses.)

When the author is quoting directly from a source but is worried her readers will think she’s an idiot: “Your [sic] a nice person,” she wrote.The author has inserted “sic” here to make sure we all know that she herself would never in a million years write “your” when she means “you’re.”

When an author is substituting an original phrase for one of his own choosing: The radio show host said the prime minister was the biggest [expletive deleted] in the history of the world.

More complicated bracket issues

What I wrote above is 100 percent correct. However, sometimes other, more complex parenthetical issues come up. There are often punctuation issues as well when brackets are used.

ADDITIONAL BRACKET RULE:

You need to put into brackets everything that would not belong on the page if you didn’t have the brackets in the first place.

In this example, the comma goes in the bracketed phrase, because if you didn’t have the bracketed phrase, you’d be left with a sentence that looks like this:

,Russel told Myrna that he wasn’t good enough for her.

Example B: She did not withhold [my salary] from me, [because she knew I’d sue her if she did].

Here, the first bracketed phrase replaces the word “it.”

Let’s look at the second bracketed phrase. If you took it out, you’d be left with a comma and a period together: “She did not withhold [my salary] from me,.” To put the comma within the brackets isn’t nice: [,because she knew I’d sue her if she did]. The only alternative is to make an exception here and retain the comma outside the brackets.

By the way, in academic literature you can sometimes get away with a punctuation mark right inside the open bracket. But I don’t recommend it for any other genre of writing.

Example C: This one [Jack] exited and that one [Jill] entered.

“This one/that one” are integral parts of the original sentence (and they aren’t pronouns, such as “he” or “she”). We are using the bracketed phrase to elaborate, not substitute.

Now, I know there is the appositive thing, i.e., “This one, [Jack,] exited and that one, [Jill,] entered.” That said, please, DON’T use 4 commas instead of zero commas! Remember: You must keep your readers at the forefront of your mind. They need ease of reading and simple, clean punctuation more than they need your appositives.

Example D: We’re sisters, [we both suffer silently,] in our misery.

NOT: We’re sisters, [we both suffer silently], in our misery.

First off, we need to understand that the bracketed phrase is explaining what I mean by being a sister in misery to someone. If I wanted to express that I and another woman suffer silently in our misery, I wouldn’t need brackets at all, as “we both suffer silently” would be an integral part of the sentence.

Back to the original sentence. If you were to take out the bracketed phrase, you wouldn’t need commas at all, i.e., “We’re sisters in our misery.” However, “We’re sisters, we both suffer silently, in our misery” begs 2 commas (which “bracket” the middle clause). It would thus be better to retain both of them in the sentence. Place the second comma within the brackets and keep the first comma where it is.

Another option is to substitute the brackets for the abbreviation i.e.: “We’re sisters, i.e., we both suffer silently, in our misery.”

There is a case for no commas even if you retain the brackets. I don’t recommend this, because it would sound too much like a run-on sentence: “We’re sisters [we both suffer silently] in our misery.”

The reader [almost] always comes first

You have no doubt noticed that I’ve broken some of my own bracket rules. That is because the bottom line is to make it as easy as possible for your reader. Therefore, when confronted with a sticky grammar or punctuation issue, ask yourself what would help your reader better understand the phrase.

You won’t encounter many brackets in fiction. But certainly in nonfiction – especially in excerpts or quotations – you’ll need to know how to use brackets correctly and in a way that your reader will understand what is being substituted, what is being elaborated, or what is being added.

***

That’s it for today! I hope you’ve learned both about brackets and about putting readers first. In my next post, I will update you on my reading lists and other sundry stuff. I’d also like to take another look at the poorly written and edited garbage I’ve decided to stop reading on Kindle.

​​These past two weeks have been sad ones for me, as my mother died on January 22nd.

One of my cousins read from my mother’s memoirs at the funeral. My mother wrote them many years ago and gave them out to all family members. This 9-page document covers mostly her early years, up until she got married.

It is with my mother’s death in mind that I thought I’d present a 5th post on memoir-writing. If you haven’t yet read the first 4, you can get them here, here, here, and here.

Use literary devices for memoir-writing

Just as with “regular” nonfiction, and of course with fiction, you must make your memoir interesting. Use the same literary devices you’d normally use with your other writing.

Description

Always employ description when you are writing, whether in your memoir or another form of nonfiction, and of course in fiction. I’ll use unedited excerpts from my mother’s memoir to illustrate the following description tools.​

If you take my course, “Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked,” you will enjoy 9 modules – plus a bonus module – which cover all these description tools and more.​ Watch for more information about the course in the weeks ahead, or sign up here to be the first to know about when it goes on sale.

Show and Tell.

When writing down a memory, describe scenes, scents, and sounds, tying them in with what you were feeling at the time. Certainly, you can Tell sometimes, and your insights about either a person or an event will be appreciated. Just give an example or two to go with your commentary. Here’s a poignant Tell memory from my mother’s memoir:

[During the Depression,] our parents were very involved politically and worked to help raise funds for charity…. They went out to meetings almost every evening and I remember feeling lonely at those times.

Analogy, metaphor, and simile.​

In a nutshell, these three description tools use something known to the reader in order to explain something unknown to him or her. The trio are a real powerhouse. ​

Avoid using cliche in analogy, metaphor, and simile (“He’s a big as a whale”; “We had a whale of a time”; “She’s the whale of the Fisch family”).

My mother made perfect use of analogy retelling the story of receiving a big, expensive radio at the height of the Depression:

​In the summer of 1935….​ a delivery man [brought in] a brand new stand up floor model Philco radio for us…. The only way I can describe the enormity of this in my nine year old mind is that it could be compared in current times to winning the lottery or getting a theater size TV screen installed in our home.

Backstory and foreshadowing.​

With a simple sentence or two, you can give a lot of information without crowding your memoir with unnecessary noise. Most people don’t want to read about your mother’s cousin’s great-grandmother and what she ate for breakfast – unless the focus of your memoir is the eating habits of your relatives and how those habits evolved over the years. By the way, this is a legitimate angle for a memoir.

It wasn’t my mother’s, however. She used the Depression as the background for her growing-up years. Afterwards, she describes different vignettes in light of this short backstory:

​The early 1930’s was a terrible time in this country, and in the world for that matter. The Depression affected almost everyone, and making a living was difficult if not impossible.

Toward the end of the memoir, my mother sets up her readers for hearing about the deaths of her parents and two of her siblings. I’d call this foreshadowing, as it is a statement rather than a memory:

​Life unfortunately also includes death, and that kind of loss we all bear differently.

Dialogue

You might think your memoir doesn’t lend itself to dialogue, but for argument’s sake allow me point out that you’d be surprised how many types of prose can be enhanced with dialogue. It’s not just for novels.

Dialogue makes a story come alive. It’s a wonderful device for biography, as it makes what could be dry facts more interesting. Although it’s almost impossible to reconstruct a conversation word for word, if you remember the gist, the tone, and the goal, you’ll be able to write a good facsimile.

One of the subscribers to this blog hired me to edit his autobiography, and his use of dialogue was outstanding. It enhanced what was already a fascinating book. I highly recommend employing dialogue in your memoir if at all possible.

My mother’s memoir has no dialogue, but she does mention a conversation between her and her brother when her sister was born. After he relayed the news from their father’s phone call that the baby was born, my mother wanted to know if it was a girl or a boy, and he answered, “I forgot to ask.”​

Respect your point of view

Remember that the angle and tone of a memoir, as well as the memories themselves and their interpretation, will be different for each writer, even when the same event is being described.

For example, my mother describes her first 7 years in Denver holding the “premium position” of youngest member of the family. Later, she reports that in Los Angeles​ during the Depression things were more complicated, with a baby sister to take care of and two working parents. She mentions a hands-on mother and Saturday outings when she lived in Denver, while she emphasizes hard work and an unselfish, special spirit permeating the house in Los Angeles.

On the other hand, my aunt (the baby sister) is an absolute font of memories about my grandmother’s sterling qualities and the wonderful things my grandmother did for her as she was growing up in Los Angeles.

Tell the truth

My late uncle once said that the family didn’t keep the Jewish dietary laws “because we couldn’t afford to,” while my mother used to say, “We always had enough food.” Her first cousin, however, once confided to me, “They were so poor during the Depression that they didn’t have enough to eat.” Personally, I don’t know who was right, and there might not be only one right answer. If my uncle and my mother’s cousin had written their own memoirs, they would have written about Depression-era Los Angeles as they experienced it. My 8-year-old mother might very well have ​had enough food, while perhaps her cousin thought that being served, say, one piece of chicken instead of two meant destitution.

The important thing for you as the memoir-writer is this: Tell the truth as you yourself experienced it.

***

I’d like to close with an excerpt from Anne Lamott’s outstanding book on writing,​​Bird by Bird:

​Life is like a recycling center, where all the concerns and dramas of humankind get recycled back and forth across the universe. But what you have to offer is your own sensibility…everything we need in order to tell our stories in a reasonable and exciting way already exists in each of us. Everything you need is in your head and memories.

Deena

Happy 2019 to you. May each year just keep getting better and better, and may you meet all your personal and writing goals in 2019.

I’m hard at work revising my course, “Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked,” which I sold two years ago and which I am happy to report was a great success. The feedback I received from those who bought the course was overwhelmingly positive; the only thing it lacked was a bit of polish in the technical department. So not only am I revising and expanding the course itself, I’m having my slides redone professionally and will be improving the audio as I re-record the course. I’m really excited, and can’t wait to launch it! Click here to be on the pre-sale list – no obligation to buy.

One of the wonderful outcomes of revising “Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked” is that it has forced me to write many more words per day than I have been used to, and this is gradually becoming a habit. I’m thrilled about this. If you still haven’t committed to daily writing, I encourage you to give it at least a month’s chance. By month’s end not only will daily writing become a habit, but you’ll wake up excited to sit down at your desk and write.

What I’m reading

These past two weeks I read several books. I read John Grisham’s The Rooster Bar, which I did not like. I also read his earlier book, The Whistler, which I enjoyed. Grisham’s a lot of fun, and I look forward to finding his latest book, The Reckoning, in the used book store, the next time I’m there.

I also read two authors for the first time, Georgette Heyer and Gyles Brandreth. Heyer wrote during the first half of the 20th century. Her historical novels are set in the Regency period (officially 1811–1820, but generally considered to span from the last quarter of the 18th century until the end of the first quarter of the 19th). Her plots are reminiscent of Jane Austen (another Regency novelist, who actually lived during the Regency period). I enjoyed her beautiful use of language.

Why I don’t like Oscar Wilde

Brandreth is “a prominent BBC broadcaster, theatre producer, novelist, and biographer,” according to the book jacket, and he wrote a series of historical mystery novels called Oscar Wilde and _______.” The one I read is Oscar Wilde anda Death of No Importance. It was a romp, but I find Wilde such a distasteful character that I couldn’t summon up much sympathy for him, or for his sidekick, who is a less successful writer as well as an adulterer. In any case, Brandreth’s writing is excellent.

To round things out, I read P. D. James’s second novel (1963), A Mind to Murder. I think I like her more recent novels better. By the way, James was 42 years old when she published her first book, and 91 when she published her last. (Two collections of short stories were published posthumously.) So NO AGE EXCUSES! Just sit down and write.

Bought one “fun” novel on Kindle for $1.99, and still hope to read that nonfiction book next.

Outlining has never been easier

As I was looking for a valuable piece of writing information for you, I came across an excerpt from a terrific article, which I had saved to Evernote. Unfortunately, I neglected to write down the URL, and thus I have only an excerpt from the article. After searching for the old URL for a quarter of an hour, I am admitting defeat and giving you the information in my own words.

Two crucial questions to ask yourself

Got an idea for a story, an article, or a novel?

Before you begin to write, ask yourself these two questions – and write down your answers!

What do I know?

What don’t I know?

What I know

For example, if you’re writing a novel about, say, an orphan who escapes from his orphanage, you might already know that

you want him to be 12 years old

you want him to meet a 13-year-old street kid

you want him to find a long-lost member of his family

you don’t want this to be a love story

you want an ambiguous ending

you want it to take place in a big city

you want there to be a death in the book

What I don’t know

Once you’ve gotten this all down, it’s time to ask the second question: What don’t I know? This will help you flesh out the book. The author of the original article called it “filling in the blanks.” Here’s an example:

How will the protagonist escape from the orphanage, and what triggered his escape?

Who is this street kid? Boy or girl?

Which member of the protagonist’s family will he meet?

In order to make the ending ambiguous, what will be the “happy” part of the ending and what will be the “sad” part?

Which city will this take place in?

Who will die, and how?

Once you’ve jotted down the questions, start building the structure and/or plot by answering them. Begin to sketch the characters you’ve identified. Add your answers and your sketches to your “What I know” list.

Continue writing down what you still don’t know, refining the piece until you have a comprehensive detailed outline.

For example, if a homeless drug addict is going to die by being shot, your new questions might include: “Who shot her?” “Where?” “Why?” “Who witnesses the shooting?” Or if you’ve decided that the street kid is a female illegal alien from Honduras, ask yourself how she got to the big city, how the protagonist meets her, where she spends her days and nights, etc. Add these answers to your first list as well, and keep asking that second question.

Build on your answers until you are ready to put it all together with your outstanding prose.

New Year’s prezzie

I found a fabulous and very helpful useful poster online: a list of 128 words you can use instead of very. The website has made it impossible to copy (I would’ve given them credit, of course), so I’m passing along the link instead. Check it out here. I will list a few choice options below:

Have you ever read a bunch of books in a short period and discovered that they’re somewhat related? This happens to me frequently. Sometimes I read several historical novels focusing on the same time period, or whose protagonists are similar. Other times, during the course of a month or two I find myself reading a series of nonfiction books about the same subject. And none of this is ever planned.

Here’s what happened to me on a plane I took a few weeks ago:

For a couple of years, I’ve been looking for the book Hidden Figures, which is about three black, female mathematicians who worked at NASA in the ’60s – all of whom ended up integrating the upper, white echelons of the organization. Now, if you remember, in my last email I told you that I was reading Warriors Don’t Cry, which is about the first group of black students who integrated a Little Rock, Arkansas, high school in 1957. So at the same time I’m reading Warriors Don’t Cry, which movie is offered on the plane? Hidden Figures! Although the book didn’t drop into my lap, the movie sure did. How about that for a modern twist on the “same-book” phenomenon?

And by the way, the movie was terrific. I encourage you to either get the book or check out the movie. Here’s some more information about the story.

Make every word count

Last week, my husband was asked to translate a letter and review a book.

The letter was written by one of my favorite authors. He’s brilliant, even in translation. It was very simple and very short, but my husband said it was a pleasure to both read and translate. By contrast, the book he was asked to review was long and complex, but was written poorly. He was appalled that this book saw the light of day without a good, strong edit, and amazed at the difference between it and the short letter.

Here’s an excerpt from what he wrote on Facebook:

It was just a letter, the content of which was fairly prosaic, but it was a complete pleasure to pick up on the artistry involved. From a different source I was given a book to look over. The thesis was a good one, but it was written like a high school report, which made the reading tedious, even if I enjoyed much of the content. Just reinforced the importance of good writing.

Thanks, hubs, for this important insight!

We authors can’t afford to mess up even an email, so make even your short letters or articles a pleasure to read. With regard to longer pieces, what a pity for people to miss out on a great story or book simply because it’s written too poorly for anyone to bother with it.

Keep your eyes peeled for two courses I will be offering in 2019, which I know will improve your writing.

The department of redundancy department

Let’s end with a writing tip.

It’s not uncommon for writers to use the same word over and over again in the space of only a few sentences or paragraphs. Don’t do this, unless you’re going for some sort of effect. (And even then, be careful.)

Repeating words looks – and is – unprofessional, and of course makes your prose not as interesting for the reader. I still bless the author who pointed this out to me in my own writing over 30 years ago.

Unfortunately, many semi-professional, self-published authors are guilty of this. In fact, I just finished a book I got on my (free) Kindle Unlimited subscription (I’m trying to read as much as possible before the “free” turns into “paid,” at which time I’ll cancel). It was embarrassing how many times the author repeated words and phrases within a short space.

Here’s a winning example from the book. It comprises less than 3pages:

Working out who killed Vera was important, but finishing her book was important, too

Her detective had made a lot of assumptions. Because of those assumptions, he had not followed up

Her detective was just about to follow upon some of the clues he’d neglected to follow up on because of the assumptions he’d made

She had neglected to follow through on some clues

She’d neglected to follow up on her suspicions

Yes, I do think some extra checking is in order. The whereabouts of every family member must be checked

To follow up onthe whereabouts of the other family members

One way to avoid repeating the same words in your prose is to read your piece out loud after you finish the first few drafts. Hopefully, you’ve gone over your work a few times and have already located repetitions, but reading aloud is a great way to clean up any last mistakes or issues. I call this “Aural Reading,” and I discuss it in this post.

Comedy grammar video

I got the most hilarious video from my good friend Anita the other day. You can view it here. You will be on the floor. Enjoy it, and don’t forget,

I’ve been putting off a that vs. which article for months. In fact, I’m scared to publish it because I have a few subscribers who are English teachers.

The time, however, has come.

What’s the difference between that and which, and how do you figure out which one to use?

The Good News

The good news about the that vs. which conundrum is that we’re much more loose with the differences nowadays. Nevertheless, it’s important to know the rules, because there are situations where using the incorrect one (officially, they’re called relative pronouns in this context) can change the meaning of a sentence.

More good news from Fowler

Here’s a wonderful quote from my friend H. W. Fowler that should lessen everyone’s anxiety (including mine) when it comes to the that vs. which issue:

The relations between that…and which have come to us from our forefathers as an odd jumble, and plainly show that the language has not been neatly constructed by a master builder who could create each part to do the exact work required of it, neither overlapped nor overlapping; far from that, its parts have had to grow as they could.

In other words, don’t obsess. Learn the rules, try to use them, and then let go.

How I learned the rules

I learned the difference between that and which from the following sentences:

The car that is in the garage has a flat tire.

The car which is in the garage has a flat tire.

In a nutshell, you use that or which depending on what you are emphasizing and what information the sentence is trying to get across.

♦ In the first sentence, there is more than one car. The word that defines which car you are talking about. It is called a defining restrictive pronoun because it defines which item out of many is being discussed; the definition is restricted to one particular item.

♦ In the second sentence, there is only one car. The word which introduces a clause that gives you some extra but possibly non-essential information. The more important issue is that the car has a flat tire.

Which is called a non-defining restrictive pronoun because it doesn’t need to define which item is being referred to; we already know which one, and the item is thus already restricted.

Now let’s unpack the relative pronoun mystique.

the That clause…

is generally used with regard to more than one item or entity.

is essential to the rest of the sentence because it is giving indispensable information.

does not use commas – this is a great way to figure out whether to use that or which.

emphasizes and identifies the item itself. The information in the clause is restricted to that item only.

can be written without the word that and still make a comprehensible sentence.

Examples of that in a sentence

The car that is in the garage has a flat tire. I have three cars. One is in the driveway, one is parked at the curb, and one is in the garage. I am telling you which car has the flat tire.

If I said instead, “The car has a flat tire,” that would be unhelpful because you wouldn’t know to which car I am referring. Thus, I need the that clause.

The dog that barked at me was on a leash.There were several dogs, but only one of them barked at me. And thankfully, it was on a leash. The information I have given you in the that clause enables you to narrow down which dog I’m talking about.

The stepladder that was taken yesterday has been returned. This one is a little more tricky. The sentence would still be correct even if there was only one stepladder, because without the that clause we wouldn’t have known that the stepladder was taken in the first place and therefore the sentence would be useless.

In other words, if I had said, “The stepladder has been returned,” and you had no idea that it had even disappeared, my declaration would be irrelevant. Thus, the that clause is essential to this sentence.

Taking that out of the sentence

The following sentences are all valid, as the word that is implied. I have underlined the rest of the clause.

The car parked in the garage has a flat tire.

The dog barking at me was on a leash.

The stepladder taken yesterday has been returned.

the Which clause…

is generally used with regard to only one item or entity.

adds non-essential information pertaining to the item being discussed.

begs the use of commas on either side of it – this is a great way to figure out whether to use that or which.

emphasizes and identifies an aspect of the item, not the item itself.

must retain the word which; otherwise, it can be construed as a defining restrictive, i.e., that, clause.

Examples of which in a sentence

The car, which is in the garage, has a flat tire. We have one car, but I don’t know where you parked it last night. Here is some helpful information about the geographical aspect of the car, although the essential information you are trying to impart is that is has a flat tire.

The dog, which barked at me, was on a leash. We already know which dog is being discussed; the important piece of information in this sentence is that it was on a leash. It’s not really that important that it barked at me, but I want you to feel sorry for me and give me more attention. I’m relating a behavioral aspect of the dog, which makes absolutely no difference with regard to whether it was on a leash or not.

Photo by pedrosimoes7

Think of “which barked at me” as TMI.

The stepladder, which was taken yesterday, has been returned.

For all you busybodies, here’s an unimportant but gossip-worthy bit of news: the stepladder was taken yesterday. However, if I were to take the moral high ground and delete the which clause, you would still be getting all the information you need.

Sometimes you can go both ways

Although most people mix and match that and which, lazily assuming the reader will understand the point of the sentence, there are situations where the difference can change its meaning – sometimes subtly and sometimes more dramatically. Here is an example:

I have a contract that protects both of us. You have a few contracts. This specific one protects both you and your client.

I have a contract, which protects both of us. This sentence tells us that you have only one standard contract.

The which clause can be seen as incidental. In fact, when trying to decide between that and which, try to add “by the way.” If it works, use which; if not, use that. (“I have a contract, which by the way protects both of us.”)

3 cute that vs. which tricks from Fowler

Here are three more that vs. which hacks to help you decide which relative pronoun to use.

That must be the first word in the clause, while which can be preceded by a preposition

If you can plug a preposition into your sentence, even temporarily, you’ll need which.

The car about that is in the garage has a flat tire. No, Ma’am.

The car aboutwhich I have been telling you is in the garage. Correct, although very formal.

Both types of clauses can end in a preposition, sort of

According to Fowler, you can write “I’ve had enough of your sarcasm, which I have already spoken to you about.” However, he hastens to point out that the word about in this sentence is really the adverbial particle of a phrasal verb. Fair enough.

On the other hand, you can say: “I’ve had enough of the sarcasm that I have already spoken to you about.”

If a which clause sounds silly or pompous, use a that clause instead

“The most stubborn stain across which I have ever comewas from blood on your shirt.” Give me a break.

“The most stubborn stain that I have ever come across was from blood on your shirt.”Now that’s English.

***

I sincerely hope this post was enlightening and helpful. Please let me know in the Comments if there are any other essential writing and/or grammar issues that you’d like me to address in future posts. And, as always,

This post is the 2nd and last installment of my grammar mini-series. Below you’ll find some hilarious mistakes, and fixes you can make to save face.

Remember: this is second-draft stuff. When you write your first draft, focus on getting everything down, and pay attention to your outline. Then give yourself an interval of time between drafts, after which you can settle down with your red pen and focus thoughtfully on your prose.

Immodest cooking and other embarrassments

Several years ago, when I was senior editor at an Indie publishing company, the only project I ever refused to continue working on was The Cookbook from Hell, written by, of course, The Author from Hell. The book and its author ruined everyone’s lives for the few years it took to get it (and her) out the door.

The manuscript was basically incomprehensible and full of errors and plagiarism. But reading it was worth it because of the recipe for beer can chicken.

The recipe, which we ended up deleting from the book, opened with excruciating detail about how to season and prepare the chicken before employing the beer can. The author then wrote:

“Take beer can. Spread legs.”

Why am I telling you this? Because this author didn’t take the time to read and reread her manuscript. She handed it off to the editors with nary a thought as to how accurate or readable her book was.

Unfortunately, I see this sort of attitude all too frequently.

2nd draft is all about focus

Sometimes embarrassing mistakes make it into print not because the author doesn’t care but because he or she simply missed the issue or wasn’t aware that there was one. But that’s still not an excuse.

You can eliminate potential problems by using some of the strategies I’ve discussed before, such as reading your piece aloud before you submit it. Or by reading your work closely and frequently asking yourself, “Does this make sense?”

In other words, you need to focus.

Here are some hilarious sentences which, while grammatically correct, can be taken in more than one way and can definitely lower your credibility as a writer:

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges. Usually I badger authors to take out all unnecessary verbiage, but here I’d urge whoever wrote this headline to be a bit more generous. All that’s needed are one word at the beginning, such as “Government,” and two words in the middle, such as “completion of” or “opening of.” Amazing the difference this can make.

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks. This one’s a bit trickier, because you have to be strategic regarding where to place additional words. For example, if you say, “Kids can make nutritious snacks,” or “Even kids make nutritious snacks,” you haven’t gained anything. How about, “Kids can make their own nutritious snacks” or “Learn how kids are making their own nutritious snacks”?

By the way, headlines are challenging, as sometimes you must pack everything into four or five words. Take your time with this.

For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor. This is mostly a punctuation issue; the phrase, “and doesn’t know it,” belongs to the second clause, not the first. How can we make the sentence plausible?

First of all, I don’t like the sentence opening. Prepositional or gerund/participle phrases at the beginning can spell disaster for the rest of the sentence. So feel free to totally rework and rearrange your words. Rigidity is the enemy of writers – although I’m all for 90 percent rigidity when it comes to grammar.

Here are some alternatives to those poor parents who don’t know they have kids:

“Parents: Did you know there is a day care on the first floor?”

“Parents, there is a day care on the first floor.”

“If you have kids, you will be pleased to know that there is a day care on the first floor.”

“If you have kids, check out the day care on the first floor.”

Journey into the nonsensical

If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

War Dims Hope for Peace.

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.

Here, too, focus is the key. You can rework these sentences by sitting down and examining what exactly you are trying to get across. “What am I trying to say?” will be your new mantra.

Learning how to read (and write)

In the first sentence, there is nothing to do except call people up and offer them reading lessons. However, if you must have something in print, keep your audience in mind, use a picture, and simplify:

Opposites (sometimes) detract

The problem with the second sentence is that we have a pair of opposites. Deleting either “war” or “peace” is a good start:

“War dims hope for quick solution to border dispute.”

“Recent fighting dims hope for peace.”

Dig deeper

The third sentence is repetitive. Focusing on the issue will help us figure out what we’re really saying. Perhaps we can even eliminate one of the clauses.

“Strike to last indefinitely if immediate solution isn’t found.”

This one’s okay, but let’s dig a little deeper. What’s really going on here? Sounds like the workers have some nonnegotiable demands, no? How about:

“Strikers dig in their heels; only hope is quick settlement.”

“Strike must be settled quickly to avoid lengthy factory shut-down.”

Sometimes we need to completely rewrite a sentence in order for it to say what we want it to say. This is advanced self-editing!

Just the facts, Ma’am

In the fourth sentence, the poor writer just wants to explain that the temperatures are low and this has created a cold wave. How can he or she say this without looking like a fool?

“Consistent low temperatures point to cold wave.” Again, not bad, but can we make it better?

“Lowering temperatures signal imminent cold wave.” This sentence is nice, because it has a logical cause and effect. However, it means that the cold wave hasn’t occurred yet.

“It’s not just low temperatures; it’s a cold wave!” Here’s another way to link the two issues, especially if the cold wave is happening now.

“Cold wave hits Hawaii. Temperatures in the negatives.” Feel free to use two sentences if it helps you and your readers.

“Cold wave hits Hawaii.” Another great solution. A cold wave means there are low temperatures. Ask yourself if the point of the story is to tell people there’s a cold wave or to link the cold wave to an unprecedented lowering of temperatures. If the point is simply to report a cold wave, then simply report the cold wave.

More fun for you, less commentary from me

Bargain basement upstairs. This is what happens when you rely on clichés. Again, focus on what you want to say, keep the principal idea, and replace the rest:

“Sale items upstairs.”

“Closeouts upstairs.”

“Bargain department upstairs.”

Would the person who took the stepladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken. The issue here is using the same word(s) too close together and/or in a different context.

One of the first authors I ever worked for made me aware of my use of repetitive words, and I’m forever grateful to him.

“Whoever took the stepladder yesterday is requested to return it immediately; otherwise, the administration will conduct a room-by-room search.” More detail can sometimes be a solution.

“The stepladder which was taken yesterday must be put back by 5:00 pm.” No need for threats; just make the main clause stronger.

“Would the person who took the bookshelf ladder yesterday please return it, or further steps will be taken.” If you want to retain the second clause, then change the first. Again, what is the problem? Can you solve it by substituting one word for another?

We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door; the bell doesn’t work.) This reminds me of the mistake I made in the first sentence of the post I published on May 29th. I was talking, as usual, about good grammar, and made a silly grammar mistake. Again, I’m forever grateful to my friend who spotted it.

I call this self-incriminating writing. If you’re going to assert an opinion, make sure you have all your facts straight. For instance, never say, “I’m writing my thesis on Jon F. Kennedy, who was assassinated in 1958.” (Can you spot both mistakes?)

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers. Here, the problem is one of syntactical cognitive dissonance. We associate the expression “run down” with traffic accidents, not with traffic rules. Choose your words thoughtfully and mindfully, and make sure they fit the words and sentences around them. Good focus will help you catch most doozies.

Pure fun, even less commentary

After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. Reminds me of the beer can chicken recipe.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this grammar mini-series, and I hope I kept you laughing while you learned.

But in all seriousness, fix your grammar in second draft. Your first draft should be more of a brain dump – within reason. If you focus too much on the rules in the first draft, you’ll never write a word.

When it comes to the disciplined self-editing of later drafts, however, it’s full speed ahead with focus and thoughtfulness.

Have you spotted any other hilarious writing mistakes? Put them in the Comments so we can continue laughing for the rest of the week.

[If you missed the first post in my series on self-editing, click here]

[If you missed the second post in my series on self-editing, click here]

[If you missed the third post in my series on self-editing, click here]

[If you missed the fourth post in my series on self-editing, click here]

Self-editing begins with your first draft.

In the past 4 posts, we’ve talked a lot about how to make the “meat” of your piece better, more professional, and more apt to be published and read. But how about those all-important beginnings and endings? They can make or break your article, book, or story.

Top-heavy beginnings: a definite no-no

How do you create an outstanding opening that will not only be read but will whet your readers’ appetite to finish your story or book all the way to the end?

Here are some options:

Start with a story

For a nonfiction article, one great way to begin is with a story. This will grab your readers’ attention right away. (Check out this post, this post, and this post to get an idea of what I mean.) Remember to:

Keep it relevant to the subject and theme of the article.

Keep it brief.

Your story can be either personal or not about you but related to your subject. Common sense should guide you on this one. (Pop quiz: which type of story would be appropriate for an article about how to use a sewing machine, and which type for an article on the life of Abraham Lincoln?)

Action-packed openings

In a story or a full-length book, you can also begin with action. All fiction experts tell us to introduce the crisis or main theme on the first few pages (or first few paragraphs if you’re writing a short story). And yes, you can use action even in nonfiction.

In a thriller, the “thrill” needs to happen ASAP. Although Michael Chabon is now on my permanent hit list (and by the way, the word hit starts with an s), his brilliant murder mystery, The Yiddish Policeman’s Union, begins with the discovery of the body. Way to go, Michael. Now go jump in a lake.

Memorable opening lines

Dialogue is another winning way to open a story or book. Who doesn’t remember the first line of Little Women? (Millennials: It’s “Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,” mumbled Jo, lying on the rug.) And notice how many Sherlock Holmes stories begin with dialogue.

Nonfction writers: Why not begin your biography of Abraham Lincoln with a conversation between him and his mother about whether he should walk in the snow to return the book he borrowed or wait until tomorrow?

You can also imitate Charles Dickens by opening with a line that will go into the annals of literature. (See A Tale of Two Cities.)

Bottom line: grab those readers right from the beginning, and you’ll have a greater chance of holding on to them.

Nonfiction: that dreaded first 1/3

I’ve mentioned in other posts that much nonfiction and academic writing is divided into thirds: the first third tells readers what the author will be discussing, the second third discusses it, and the final third tells us what the author just discussed. Don’t do this.

Since this section is all about beginnings, let’s talk about the first third.

1. Use magical heads and subheads

Nonfiction writers don’t have to announce what they’re going to address; they can simply dig right in. Often, a good chapter name or subhead will be all the “announcement” readers need. However, don’t make it so clever and abstruse that no one will be able to guess the subject of the discourse.

2. Save the first for last

Writing the introduction to anything is difficult, and that is why I recommend saving it for last. Unless you have a fantastic opening already in mind, leave the beginning and write the body of the piece first. You can come back to it later. The contents of the body will give you an idea for the opening.

3. What to do if all else fails

If you must have some sort of introduction – say, you’re writing an academic piece – then say it as briefly as you can. Your readers will thank you.

Which opening sentence would you rather read:

In the Freudian source that we will explore below, we will see the possibility that differences between men and women were thought to be a matter of different responsibilities and roles.

Or…

The following Freudian source will suggest that the differences between men and women were thought to be a matter of different responsibilities and roles.

The following source will illustrate Freud’s thesis that the differences between men and women are a matter of different responsibilities and roles.

Bottom-heavy conclusions: another no-no

Like top-heavy beginnings, bottom-heavy conclusions bog down your writing and assume your reader needs a little extra help. If you’re worried your reader won’t “get” what you have to say, you need to rework your piece, not spoon-feed them at the end. And to be honest, summaries sometimes make the audience feel patronized.

Some examples of bottom-heavy conclusions:

In summary, 1952 was a good year for the American Stock Exchange. Delete this and make your thesis Show how 1952 proved to be a good year to invest.

As you can see, Molly was in trouble. Hopefully, you’ve already described the trouble Molly is in, and therefore can delete this sentence.

As I have written above, the musical Les Misérables was historically correct, while Evita did not remain true to history. I have proven this through X, Y, and Z, citing sources such as A and B to back up my thesis. Why do you need all this if you’ve already said it “above”? And don’t you have footnotes?

The above story shows her faith in the face of tribulations. If you’ve done a good job describing and Showing this – and even Telling a bit – you won’t need to give your readers a summary sentence to make sure they “got” it.

And they lived happily ever after. Just kidding.

Have closure…

With nonfiction, closure is essential. With fiction you can be flexible, but chose your endings thoughtfully and don’t use cliff hangers gratuitously.

Although personally I’m a closure type of person, not all fiction authors want to tie up loose ends when they get to the finish line. If you choose the “open” route, make sure you’ve thought it out well. Don’t leave readers hanging merely because you were too lazy to write a proper conclusion.

Often, how you close a fiction piece will depend on which point of view you’re using. In first person, an ambivalent conclusion is more human, but certainly you can have full closure if you want. Ditto with third person limited.

…Or not

If you choose the open-ended route, are you doing so in order to stimulate your reader’s imagination? To allow for individual moralizing? To let your reader draw his or her own conclusions? To leave an opening for a sequel? All these reasons are legitimate, but as the author, know your motivation ahead of time.

If you write in third person omniscient, it’s probably better to end with everything resolved, as that’s more logical for the All-Knowing Entity. Just be sure you don’t start to moralize. Let your Show techniques do the moralizing for you.

Consider the following “closed” conclusions. Which would you rather read?

She took the gold band from her fourth finger, placed it on the tombstone, and went to join Jonathan in the car.

She studied the tombstone. He’s not coming back, she finally internalized, and I need to move on. Glancing down at her wedding ring, she knew it was time. She carefully took the gold band off her finger, placed it on the tombstone, and turned around. Jonathan was waiting for her in the car. Wiping her tears, she summoned a smile and began to walk toward her future.

***

Well, this has been fun! I hope you’ve enjoyed my self-editing series as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it (like, a lot). More important, I sincerely hope you have gotten a lot of actionable advice from each post. Let me know in the Comments what you liked best, and which piece(s) of advice you’re going to incorporate into your writing.

Heads up: if you’re interested in being part of my self-editing beta course, please join the waiting list here. There’s no obligation to buy. Those who take the course will help shape what will be my flagship “alpha” course, which will be much more expensive.

Deena

[If you missed the first post in my series on self-editing, click here]

[If you missed the second post in my series on self-editing, click here]

[If you missed the third post in my series on self-editing, click here]

Here’s an unsettling statistic:

There are somewhere between 600,000 and 1,000,000 books published every year in the US alone, depending on which stats you believe.

This includes all the lousy books that are being (usually self-)published every day. But any book with a weak foundation won’t last.

For example, so many bloggers write (and generally self-publish) books, and most of them are filled with editing and grammar mistakes. For the most part, they’re writing books for the purpose of self-promotion, to “get their name out there.” To be fair, these books are often filled with valuable information and suggestions, if you can get around the disturbing writing.

But I suspect that most of us want to write something more noteworthy, more eternal, than a blogger’s ebook (although I actually do want to write an ebook connected to this blog. More on that another time). How, then, can we vault over everyone else standing in line, waiting for their book, article, or memoir to be published – or even just read by a healthy group of serious people?

Make your work stand out

I’ve said it before: in order to be read nowadays, you have to write compellingly and your voice has to stand out from all the other voices. Whether you want to publish a book or an article in a magazine, or whether you just write for yourself and perhaps a handful of trustworthy friends, you want what you write to be readable and original.

But on the other hand, “there’s nothing new under the sun,” so how do you pull it off?

2 creative examples

Although there are a limited number of story themes, there are an unlimited number of places, characters, twists, perspectives, etc., that you can come up with. (You can see my posts on story themes here and here.) For instance, Michael Chabon has taken the “washed-up-divorced-alcoholic-homicide-detective-on-his-last-case” theme to new heights with a totally wild setting and a bit of rewritten history in his book, The Yiddish Policemen’s Union. Chabon is a first-rate writer, and who knew you could write a bestseller featuring Yiddish-speaking refugees in Alaska? (Heavy-duty swear word alert.)

Likewise – and on a completely different plane – is Jenny T. Colgan’s Resistance is Futile. I thought I was in for another modern version of a Harlequin Romance (nerdy girl, gorgeous cad, they fall in love and he un-cads himself), but what I read was a totally new take on a romance novel that broke all barriers and rules. There’s a bit of sci-fi and fantasy in the book, which is so completely not what I expected in a “romance novel.” And the ending will surprise you. (Swear word alert here, too.)

Creative nonfiction

Nonfiction writers, you too can be creative! What angle will you be writing from? Will you be using humor? Original documents? Are you writing about something from your own perspective, or as the “omniscient narrator”? Who is your audience, and how can you write with them in mind?

Other ways to stand out

Besides putting an original spin on a basic theme, what else can you do to get noticed and read?

I repeat: Writing well (and having good grammar) also lifts you above 90 percent of writers in our time. While it’s depressing that not a lot of people care about good writing skills today, it’s good news for those of you who are reading this post!

Editors of publications and publishing houses will definitely consider your work if 1) your story idea is fresh and different, 2) you make sense, 3) you write well, and 4) you’ve gotten rid of typos, grammar mistakes, editing mishaps, and spelling faux pas.

Let’s concentrate on the “writing well” part. Here are some things to do (or not to do) in order to increase your chances of getting noticed and published.

Get rid of cliché

I heard an outstanding definition of cliché:

A phrase or opinion that is overused and betrays a lack of original thought

I want to concentrate on the last part of the definition: “betrays a lack of original thought.”

We all know not to use worn-out clichés such as “Easy come, easy go” or “All’s well that ends well.” However, even subtler phrases can be equally damaging to originality and credibility.

Let’s say you were writing a biography of your favorite uncle. You could say:

My uncle was a true family man, putting his wife and kids first.

There’s nothing wrong with this sentence from a grammar or style point of view, but it can describe 99 percent of all of our male relatives. This is cliché as well.

Now, don’t go yelling at me that your uncle really was a true family man. I’m sure he was. But is there any other way you can say this without sounding like everyone else writing about their uncle? Can you think of a thought-full way to describe him instead of writing an easy sentence that takes no thought to compose? How about:

The strongest memory I have of my uncle is the time he canceled a business trip in order to attend my cousin’s piano recital, and it almost cost him his job.

Here, you’ve Shown how your uncle was a family man without having resorted to the hackneyed label “family man,” while entertaining your audience with an interesting vignette from his life.

Tighten up

Part of the editing process involves streamlining your prose and weeding out extra words.

With regard to verbs, most superfluous ones will be the “helping” sort, not the active type. Here are a few examples:

“How to help yourself become a better writer” vs. “How to be a better writer”

“How to be able to be at home with your kids” vs. “Stay at home with your kids”

“While it is certainly so that David was able to run the marathon” vs. “While certainly David could run the marathon”

“Debbie was a lover of animals and one who adopted several puppies” vs. “Debbie loved animals and adopted several puppies”

“I employed the services of a good lady’s maid” vs. “I employed a good lady’s maid”

“What to be on the lookout for” vs. “What to look out for”

***

Take a look at a few paragraphs of your most recent writing project, and see if you can use one or more of the suggestions in this post to make it tighter, better, or more readable. And show me the before and after in the Comments! I can’t wait to see what you do!

The next post will conclude my series on self-editing. In the meantime, if you’re interested in being part of my self-editing beta course, please join the waiting list here. There’s no obligation to buy. Those who take the course will help shape what will be my flagship “alpha” course, which will be much more expensive.

In my last post on self-editing, we explored several words and phrases that are bogging down your writing, making it unclear and overly verbose. In this post we’re going to explore what happens when you write without confidence – and how to fix that.

You want to be seen as an authority, and you want your prose – even your fiction – to be taken seriously. Therefore, you need to write with confidence. Before you even think of sending your writing out to be published or edited, go over it and ask yourself: Does my writing sound like I know what I’m saying? Does it sound like I’m looking over my shoulder, hoping for approval? Am I conveying exactly the right thing to my readers? Does my writing sound “tired”?

Conveying confidence

Conveying confidence in your writing happens by doing great research, outlining, and writing every day. Yet there’s another ingredient in the mix: believing in yourself and in your prose. You have something to say that can be told only and uniquely by you. Remember this when you feel overwhelmed and doubt creeps in.

The good news: There are concrete steps you can take in your writing and word choices that will convey to the reader that you know what you’re talking about. When you’re self-editing, look out for the following stumbling blocks that are sapping the energy out of your prose.

Seems/it would seem/apparently

The main reason you shouldn’t use too many of these words is because it weakens your writing. You sound as if you aren’t really sure about what’s going on in your narrative or you doubt your own thesis:

Based on what we’ve discussed, it would seem that it should be permissible to park in a yellow zone for five minutes only.

Be assertive; put yourself and your opinions out there. And if you really aren’t sure of the veracity of what you’re saying, look it up or do some more research:

Basedonwhat we’vediscussed, we canconcludethat you canload or unload passengers and goods in a yellow zone for five minutes only.

I’m not in love with this sentence, because it’s too bulky. There are too many verbs (see underlines) and prepositions/helping words (see blue). But it’s a start.

Let’s try to refine the sentence a bit more:

Thus, you may park in a yellow zone for five minutes only, to load or unload passengers and goods.

Sketchy historical details

How many of your are wondering what to do if you’re writing nonfiction and the research isn’t conclusive? Take a look at this (by the way, it’s purely made up):

Apparently, it seems that Napoleon might have read some of the works of Machiavelli. This is the likely conclusion based on the research of Professor A. It would appear that Professor B., however, seems to think that Napoleon could very well have enjoyed the work of Proust and perhaps based his military strategy on Remembrance of Things Past.

I actually came across a short biographical piece in the course of my work that was almost as bad as this, and I requested of the person in charge of research to make it sound a bit more definitive – even though much of the bio was indeed conjecture, and we had to retain the ambiguity.

With regard to our paragraph, this is what I think:

The words apparently, it seems, and it would appear mean the same thing, so we can delete at least one of them. In light of what we learned above, it would be best to take all three of these vague terms out.

The word might is weak. When used as a modal (as opposed to the noun, which means “strength”), it must have a verb attached to it, which is proof that it can’t stand on its own two feet and is thus a weak choice. Try to get rid of it whenever possible.

If we already have two professors fighting over Napoleon’s literary tastes, we can use them to our advantage. There is no reason to weaken the prose just because not everyone agrees about the details.

Other words to look out for: some of, likely, seems to, could very well have, perhaps.

Now that we know the issues, how can we make our prose strong and confident in spite of vague details?

Do more research

Sometimes all you need to make a paragraph stronger and more assertive is to do a bit more research.

If it turns out the evidence really is inconclusive, you will have to use some maybe-type words. However, you can structure the paragraph in such a way as to use as few as possible. This will minimize or even eliminate weak prose. Moreover, you will sound authoritative even if what you write is conjecture:

According to Professor A, Napoleon likely read Machiavelli. Professor B. holds that Napoleon probably read Proust, as he has found evidence suggesting that the famous general based his military strategy on Remembrance of Things Past.

If you find conclusive evidence, all the better; you can eliminate wishy-washy words and appear more authoritative:

According to Professor A, Napoleon read Machiavelli. Professor B., however, holds that Napoleon enjoyed the work of Proust, asserting that the famous general based his military strategy on Remembrance of Things Past.

Being assertive in fiction

Even fiction can sound weak and unassertive.

Let’s take a simple sentence: “Cathy appeared to be unhappy.” How can we make this as strong as possible no matter who’s narrating?

3rd person POV

If your novel is written in third person omniscient, there is no reason to introduce any prose that sounds as if it’s conjecture. After all, if you, the omniscient narrator, doesn’t know, who would? It’s your responsibility to Show (or Tell) the reader what you would like them to think and feel. Therefore, you’d better know whether Cathy is happy or unhappy:

Cathy was unhappy. (Tell)

Cathy closed her eyes and tears squeezed out of them. She wrapped her arms around her body, bent over by the weight of Ryan’s rejection. (Show)

If the point of view of your novel is third person limited, you have to write from the perspective of a specific character. It’s more challenging than third person omniscient, but you can still write assertively even within the parameters of the character’s personality – and even if he himself is a weak character or indecisive about an event:

Ryan figured that it was likely Cathy might be unhappy after he broke up with her.

It seemed to Ryan that Cathy was overreacting. (Tell)

Ryan saw that Cathy was unhappy. (Tell)

Ryan raised one eyebrow as he watched the tears running down Cathy’s face, her body bent and shaking. (Show)

The sentences in black give a range of possible thoughts and feelings for Ryan: conjecture, certainty, skepticism.

1st person POV

With regard to the first person point of view, it’s easy to overuse weak words or appear indecisive, as most of us – at least some of the time – carry an insecure and negative narrative within ourselves. This gets magnified when we’re ambivalent about our writing. Therefore, when drawing a character, we have to be careful not to impose our own issues on him or her.

I seemed to be unable to stop the tears from flowing.

How unhappy I was! (Tell)

I squeezed my eyes shut, yet the tears made their way out from under my lids and down my face. (Show)

I was bent over with the burden of his rejection. (Show)

One quick observation: notice how the word yet in the third sentence implies that Cathy couldn’t help her tears from falling. That is the beauty of finding just the right word. And isn’t it much stronger than: “I squeezed my eyes shut, but in spite of my great effort not to cry, the tears just seemed to start flowing out from under my lids and running down my face.”

***

Notice how you can convey confidence in your writing while still conveying a researcher’s or character’s ambivalence by tightening up the text and keeping your maybe words to a minimum. Notice that especially in fiction, Showing makes it easier to write stronger sentences, no matter which point of view you’re writing from.

In the next couple of weeks, see how strong and tight you can make what you’ve written, and send your results to the Comments, below. I’d love to see your good, strong prose!

Want more self-editing? Be part of my beta course! Sign up here to be the first to find out about it (this doesn’t obligate you to join the course).

Is self-editing important? Let me answer that by telling you what happened last night.

I was washing my son’s kitchen floor (long story). I didn’t do such a great job because my granddaughter’s highchair was in the way, as were a drying rack and a basket of clean laundry.

Just as it’s easier to mop the floor when there’s nothing on it, it’s much easier for your editor – and cheaper for you, I might add – to receive a manuscript that’s already been gone over and corrected by the author. Here’s why.

If your editor has to sift through endless, verbose sentences that sound like you live in the 19th century and are going through a long Russian winter, he or she will be so busy untangling your prose that other writing issues will fall by the wayside. Unless you have your editor go over your article or book a second, or even third, time, it will not be possible for him or her to cover everything the first time around.

What’s more, if you hire a copy editor, who is supposed to look for grammar, punctuation, and other technical issues, it won’t be possible for them to do a good job if the prose is so unclear that it gets in the way of their job.

Bottom line:

You have a much, much better chance of your work being accepted if it’s, well, comprehensible.

In my last post, we talked about common writing mistakes and misused words – both of which you need to look out for when going over your book (like, 2nd and 3rd drafts). In this and the next post I’m going to go over a bunch of unnecessary words and phrases that are bogging down your writing and obfuscating what you’re really trying to say. After that we’ll tackle the technical issues all writers should check before they hand in their manuscript.

Self-editing streamlines your prose

Before you write – even at the beginning of every section or paragraph – ask yourself: what am I trying to say? What’s my point? When you finish that passage, chapter, or article and are going over it, ask yourself: Did I say what I wanted to say? Are there any words, phrases, or sentences that are not carrying their weight?

I do this when I am editing clients’ books: Is this sentence relevant? Are there any extra words that mean nothing and can be cut?

If the prose is unintelligible, I ask myself: What is the author trying to say, and how can I say it so readers will understand – while keeping true to the author’s idea and voice? I then rework the troublesome passage, in plain English.

Below are 5 writing issues that might be getting in the way of your prose.

This is…that is

There is way too much use of that in the world, and I’m on a campaign to end this scourge. Take a look:

This is the book that is generally read

There are many food processors that are manufactured with their blades made of metal

A food that is fully cooked

An egg that has been beaten

There are circumstances in which there is a student up for valedictorian, yet they may not be chosen for certain reasons.

The reason for this is that

There is the possibility that

Simplify, simplify, simplify. Here are some ideas for self-editing the above phrases – although there are many ways to skin a cat (but who would want to?), so you’ll probably be able to come up with a few ideas of your own:

This book is generally read

Many food processors come with metal blades

A fully cooked food (notice there is no hyphen between fully and cooked)

A beaten egg

Sometimes a student is up for valedictorian, yet for certain reasons they are not chosen

The reason is that… or This is because

It’s possible that

In the first example, context might demand you use “this is the book,” but think carefully before you go for it. One scenario I can think of would be “This is the book I was telling you about.” However, you wouldn’t need to say “This is the book that I was telling you about.”

To be

Simply put, the infinitive to be is not always necessary; it’s a big fluff phrase and a quick self-editing fix:

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult?

Start writing even if you don’t know what the conclusion of the story is going to be

He is considered to be an exceptional and strange case

Nothing will happen if we delete the extra verbiage:

At what age is one considered an adult?

Start writing even if you don’t yet know the story’s conclusion

He is considered an exceptional and strange case (and try not to say “considered as“)

Be able to

Generally, you will not need to tack this complex combination of words onto another verb. Many times you can use can instead. Alternatively, if you must use “be able to,” delete or simplify other verbs in the sentence. For instance:

1. It will only be able to be eaten when it’s cold.

Try “It can be eaten only when it’s cold” or “You can eat it only when it’s cold” or “You’ll be able to eat it when it’s cold.”

2. It’ll be months before she’ll be able to try to go back to school.

Way, way too many verbs here. First of all, I’d encourage the writer of this sentence to consider whether the subject of the sentence has to try to go back to school, or if they can just to go back. If they don’t have to try, then the writer could say: “It’ll be months before she’ll be able to go back to school.” Notice I’m using “be able to,” but I’ve just deleted an unnecessary verb so I’m giving myself a reward.

Now let’s try to take out “be able to.” The author could say: “It’ll be months before she can go back to school” or “It’ll be months before she can even attempt to return to school.” I don’t love this last sentence, but it does the job if the author insists that she needs to try to go back to school, and can’t merely return without trying.

Passive case

Sometimes, using passive case when unnecessary sounds pompous – and sometimes it’s just plain confusing. Take this sentence: “A light cannot be left on to see in the dark.” It’s both incomprehensible and poor writing. Moreover, who or what is the subject of the sentence?

If I were editing this sentence, the first thing I’d do is determine its point. Furthermore, what does it mean to see in the dark – wouldn’t it be easier if you turned on a light?

Okay, let’s say we’ve figured out the author’s intention. We are now in a better position to either delete or rewrite. For argument’s sake, let’s rewrite:

“If you’re looking out your bedroom window in the dead of night, you won’t be able to see the stars if you leave a light on in your room.”

Notice:

1. I used “be able to,” as here it works and doesn’t feel overly verbose.

2. I’ve also added a subject, i.e., you.

3. I’ve made the sentence active case.

4. I’ve chosen to lengthen the sentence for the sake of clarity, whereas in other examples in this post I’ve shortened the sentences for the same reason.

When you really need passive case

Sometimes you really do need passive case, for instance if you intentionally want to obscure the subject of the sentence. However, there’s passive case and there’s passive case. What’s easier to understand: “The parking rule was violated unintentionally” or “The parking violation was unintentional”? Both are passive case, but only one sounds good.

The use of/is used

Like “to be able to,” the verb use is over-used (ha ha). The following are real-life examples from my freelance editing projects – although I’ve changed nouns and verbs to protect my clients’ privacy:

Employ the use of force

This phrase is used to describe the event

Guys: just say it! Your words will be so much more powerful:

Employ force

Use force

This phrase describes the event

To be continued…

In my next post I’ll be continuing with self-editing tips. And if you’d like to explore self-editing in depth and over the long term, be sure to get yourself on the waiting list for my beta course in self-editing here. (There is no obligation to join the course if you join the list.)

Let me know in the Comments if there are other self-editing issues you want to know about!

Hi, I’m Deena Nataf

I’m a book and journal editor with thirty years of experience in the field. If you write to publish, I want to help you get that first draft written, that manuscript finished, and that book out the door. If you write for yourself, I’ll give you the tools you need to write clearly, write regularly, and write in your own voice. But no matter why you write, I’m passionate about helping you make your mark on the world.