Talk about video games, movies, music, news, and technology without wading through a thousand dumb kids and dozen exclamation points after each sentence. Try it out for a few days and remember what it's like to breathe Internet air without getting two lungs full of stupid.

The Game Awards

It's time to get hyped for The VGAs The Game Awards. Join us on IRC during the broadcast to discuss this grand celebration of video gaming, Doritos, and Mountain Dew! The show starts on December 5 at 6 pm PT / 9 pm ET / 125 .beats. You'll be able to watch it here on their website, or at pretty much any other place that does streaming video. Twitch, Gamespot, Niconico, Youtube, etc.

Well, these awards are already messed up since Forza Horizon 2 is the hands down game of the year. Evil Within is a close second. Also, that Middle of Earth: Shadow of Mordor game is GOOD, but it's way over hyped for what it actually is. I'm shocked to see it get so much "game of the year" type praise.

It's painful to play the guessing game because a lot of my picks for each category aren't even nominated. And what the hell is up with the lack of a "strategy" category!? There were more than enough excellent strategy games in 2014 to fill out a nomination list. Anyway, going just by what they chose to list, here are my picks for should and will win:

GAME OF THE YEAR

Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor (Monolith Productions/Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment) - should and will win. It's a tough call between this and Bayonetta 2 for me, and this edges out Bayonetta 2 because of how much fun I find the Nemesis system and how it affects the way you approach situations, even though Bayonetta 2's basic gameplay is definitely superior. And on the Game Awards side, this is the safe pick because it does do some pretty innovative things while retaining the focus-tested-and-critic-approved gameplay of AC and Batman.

DEVELOPER OF THE YEAR

Monolith Productions - will win. Rarely do these types of award shows ever give developer of the year to one that didn't also win GOTY.

Shovel Knight (Yacht Club Games) - should win. But I bet it's too hard for a generation of critics that think Ducktales Remastered is punishingly difficult.

BEST MOBILE/HANDHELD GAME

Bravely Default (Silicon Studio/Square Enix/Nintendo) - might end up being a dark horse victory since I doubt most critics actually played more than half of it.

Hearthstone: Heroes of Warcraft (Blizzard Entertainment) - will win. Blizzard knows how to pander to the lowest common denominator.

Monument Valley (Ustwo) - should win. Echochrome but better.

BEST NARRATIVE

The Walking Dead: Season Two (Telltale Games) - are you fucking joking.

Valiant Hearts: The Great War (Ubisoft Montpellier/Ubisoft) - will win. It manages to be serious and emotional in a genuine fashion, as opposed to the clunky attempts of its sister game, Child of Light. Even though you can see the "twists" a mile away.

Wolfenstein: The New Order (MachineGames/Bethesda Softworks) - should win. It won't win because it's still Wolfenstein in all its jetpack Nazi goofy nonsense, but the game does an amazing job of grounding the insanity and really bringing verisimilitude to its Nazi-ruled future. Screw horror games, this was the scariest game I played all year.

Melissa Hutchison as Clementine, The Walking Dead: Season Two (Telltale Games) - should win. Probably the one bright spot of that disappointing second season.

GAMES FOR CHANGE - So basically the "the Citizen Kane of gaming" award to appease narrativist hipsters even though most of these don't work very well as actual games.

The Last of Us: Left Behind (Naughty Dog/Sony Computer Entertainment America) - will win. It's fucking Naughty Dog, the most overrated developer on the planet.

This War of Mine (11 bit studios) - should win. It's the only one of these games to properly intertwine its serious setting and its gameplay. Forcing you to make tough decisions and weigh risks with serious gameplay repercussions beats out scripted stories that might occasionally offer you the illusion of choice. The narrative of your survival in this game is the one you tell through your own actions, not through a pre-scripted story.

BEST SHOOTER

Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare (Sledgehammer/Activision) - will win. It's the same old Call of Duty, and Call of Duty does what it does very, very well.

Wolfenstein: The New Order (MachineGames/Bethesda Softworks) - should win. It won't because it has no multiplayer, but the singleplayer campaign is fantastic and definitely my best FPS experience of the year.

BEST ACTION/ADVENTURE

Bayonetta 2 (Platinum Games/Nintendo) - will win. I'm betting that critics are going to give this one to Bayonetta 2 as a consolation prize for failing to win GOTY.

Halo: The Master Chief Collection (343 Industries/Microsoft Studios) - if this didn't continue to have serious problems that they haven't properly patched yet, it would deserve to win. That's a hell of a lot of game in one package.

MOST ANTICIPATED GAME

Batman: Arkham Knight (Rocksteady Studios/Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment) - apparently the demos shown at E3 had serious framerate issues, which I bet will cost this one a win.