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We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...Platteville Police Officer Michelle Salentine who this week was charged with...maintaining a crack house. According to the police report, Salentine also regularly smoked crack including times when she was on duty, in uniform and carrying a firearm. Salentine has admitted to authorities that she's been smoking crack 4 to 6 times a week for about a year.

So,

For being both a cop and a crack user...which sounds to me like she's just trying to double her chances of meeting Bobby Brown.

For exercising the worst judgment this state has seen since the Packers gave Mike Sherman a contract extension.

For not heeding the words of Confucius who once said, "Police officer who smoke crack see career go up in smoke".

And for not understanding that you become a cop to crack heads not to BE a crack head!

We are proud to name Michelle Salentine, the crack smoking cop of Platteville as this week's Rick and Len...Weenie of the Week!

Well, today is a big day. Not only was it the on this day that Adolph Hitler married Eva Braun (and if those two wacky kids can't make it work, then who can?). It 's also the 25th anniversary of Len's and my first day on WAPL. Thanks for joining us for all or part of this crazy ride. It's been nothing if not an educational experience for me.

-Rick-

THINGS I'VE LEARNED OVER THE LAST 25 YEARS

I have learned that you can't judge a book by it's cover, but if you flip through it and see a lot of 4 letter words, it's probably a lot more interesting than anything you'll ever read the Post Crescent.

I have learned that while nature abhors a vacuum, it must really despise Chicago since even after all these years...the Bears still SUCK.

I have learned that even if you hold an elaborate funeral, just because someone is "dead to you" doesn't mean the purple bastard isn't going to beat your team like a rented mule.

I have learned that you can fool some of the people all of time and all of the people some of time...which is why we have Tom Mahoney doing our weather forecasts.

I have learned that while you don't have to be crazy to work here...it does however, seem to be a prerequisite for living in Sheboygan County.

I have learned that you can take the boy out of Menasha, but I'm probably still going to smell like this for the rest of my life.

I have learned that working diligently is all well and good, but you can get a much bigger raise by getting fired and then sitting on your ass for 17 months.

I have learned that no matter how many times she asks...DO NOT PULL JEANNE'S FINGER!

And I have learned that while you can't get blood out of a rock...I still bet it would soak up liquid better than a frickin' Sham-wow.

Thursday morning, in the 9am hour, Jason Buss from the Wildwood Film Festival will join us in the studio to tell us about this year's event. The festival will be held this Friday and Saturday at UW-Fox Valley in the Town of Menasha. There will be four sessions, each with a different selection of short films (all of which have some connection to Wisconsin, many filmed right here in our area!). Check out these trailers for each of the four sessions.

April 8th City of NeenahPolice cited a man at a store on Green Bay Road where he was caught attempting to shoplift K-Y personal lubricants and a wooden pop gun.

April 6th City of MenashaA woman called police to tell them she believed the marijuana she was smoking was possibly laced with another drug.

April 10th City of WauwatosaA 41-year-old man was charged with shoplifting at Walgreens after he caught trying to leave the store with 18 containers of deodorant in his pockets.

April 13th Village of AllouezPolice found a man laying on the ground near the intersection of South Webster and Kalb. The man told officers he was just laying there waiting for a bus.

April 14 City of WaupunPolice received a report of a muskrat that had climbed up into the fender of the caller’s car. Police advised the caller to just leave the muskrat alone and it would eventually crawl away.

April 19th City of PortageA 55-year-old man was arrested on a violation of the no-drink requirement of his probation after a witness saw him stumbling while walking on a sidewalk, then stopping, squatting and defecating onto a lawn.

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...41-year-old Paula Wolf of Plover who was arrested Wednesday after she reportedly went on a "blow dart spree" in Stevens Point. According to reports, Wolf was driving around Stevens Point in a black minivan, using a blow gun to shoot at least 4 random pedestrians with blow darts. It is believe Wolf also shot at least one other pedestrian with a blow dart about a week earlier. Wolf, who also had a sling shot and a bucket of rocks in her van, told officers she did it because "she liked to hear people say 'ouch'".

So,

For obviously being a person who is so full of hot air and who is entertained by the suffering of others that she should be prosecuted for impersonating Rush Limbaugh.

For driving around with a bucket of rocks when she, herself, is clearly a box of rocks.

And for not realizing there are much better ways to spend your time...especially if you're a woman not adverse to wrapping your lips around a cylindrically shaped object to blow.

We are proud to name amateur blow gun aficionado Paula Wolf of Plover as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK.

DAMN I'M EXCITED! Two comics whose work I absolutely LOVE will make their first appearances on the Rick and Len Show Friday morning at 8:00. Anthony Jeselnik and Amy Schumer who are both appearing this weekend at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton will be in the studio.

Anthony (who I like to describe as a cross between Steven Wright and a very, very bad person) is one of Comedy Central's eight "Breakout Comics of 2009" and has appeared on Conan and Kimmel.

Amy kicked ass on NBC's Last Comic Standing two years ago. She lost. But she kicked ass!!!

Any other weekend and any other comedy club they would each by headlining their own shows. But this isn't any other weekend and Skyline isn't any other comedy club. Make your reservations to see them tonight (8-22) at 8 or Friday or Saturday nights at 8 or 10:15.

So, this past weekend, I went to see the movie Kick Ass. As I was leaving the theater, I made a stop in the restroom. I entered the stall to do my business and the guy in the next stall was barking out orders. "Hurry up!" "Come on!" "Let's go!" "GET OUT!!!!" At first I thought he was yelling at me. After a few moments, I realized his instructions were directed at someone (or something) in his own stall. Did he have small child he was trying to get to finish? Did he have a sex partner...whom he was trying to get to finish? After sneaking a clandestine peek under the stall and seeing only one pair of feet, it dawned on me. He was talking to to his ass!

It's been a few years since I've had an uncomfortable situation with someone carrying on a conversation in the adjoining stall in a public restroom. At that time, I wrote about my experience for the publication The Scene. For those of you who missed it, here it is.

NATURE CALLS by Rick McNeal

There's an old saying that goes, "Manners are for the poor and plain. The rich and beautiful can do as they like."

Having neither Ross Perot's money nor George Clooney's looks (or vice-versa, for that matter), I have always felt compelled to try to observe proper etiquette. However, I recently found myself in a situation so perplexing it would have had Miss Manners turning over in her grave if, sadly, she weren't still alive.

Before I get to the story of my protocol predicament, I need to tell you some pertinent information about myself.

For the last dozen years or so I've suffered from an unusual medical condition for which, as far as I know, there is no cure. While this infirmity is enduring, it is not terminal. And while it causes me some inconvenience, it thankfully causes me no pain. And what is the nature of this medical malady? Well, whenever I'm in a library or bookstore, within 10 minutes, without fail, I have an urgent need to use the restroom!

Proper decorum prevents me from being too graphic about which bodily function is triggered by the proximity of a large number of books. Suffice to say, being surrounded by thousands of volumes that are tightly bound causes me to become loosely bound, if you catch my drift (and if you were in the adjoining stall, you almost certainly would).

I don't know if this condition has an official medical name, since I have never consulted a professional. Who would I see, a gastroenterologist, a proctologist, or a librarian? However, I've come to refer to my ailment as chronic “biblio-rhea". I think the Latin term is Ex-lax Ex Libre.

Now that you know my dirty little secret, I can get back to my question of etiquette.

A few weeks ago, I was perusing periodicals at Barnes and Noble in Appleton. (Actually, it's in Grand Chute, in the same plaza as The Dress Barn. What next, The Panty Silo? But I digress...) Predictably, after about five minutes, the biblio-rhea kicked in.

I made my way to the men's room, found an empty stall and put it to its intended use. A few moments later, I heard the restroom door open and another person enter. He went to the second stall and began doing the same thing I was doing, only much more loudly. Suddenly, amid the grunts and splashes emitted by my noisy neighbor, there came another sound, cutting through the air like a knife. It was the ringing of his cell phone!

My comrade of the commode turned out to be the type who speaks into a phone so loudly his caller would have heard him just a well using two Dixie cups and 10 miles of string. As a result, I couldn't help but eavesdrop as he answered, "Oh, hi! I'm at Barnes and Noble. I’m sitting in the café having a latte!"

Sitting in the café having a latte? I’ve heard a lot of euphemisms for what he was doing in the next stall. Copping a squat. Pinching a loaf. Dropping the kids off at the pool. But I’ve never heard it referred to as "sitting in the café having a latte."

Ok. He was just too embarrassed to admit what he was really doing (but apparently not so embarrassed that he didn't just leave the phone in his pocket and down around his ankles). Far be it from me to begrudge this guy his little white lie. But he unknowingly put me in a tough spot.

You see, I had just finished my "paperwork" and was ready to move on. This left me faced with an etiquette question worthy of Emily Post (or more appropriately, Emily Com-Post). What do you do when you are finished using the toilet but the person in the next stall is still in the middle of a phone call?

I seriously doubt this thought ever even entered Miss Post's proper little head...or Alexander Graham Bell's for that matter. In the days before cordless phones and cell phones, about the only place you could carry on a phone conversation while using the toilet was in an expensive hotel. (Remember what I said about manners and the rich!) But in today's world, talking on the toidy isn't even considered rude. It's just "multi-tasking".

So what could I do? As I saw it, I had three options, none of them ideal.

1) I could continue to sit in my stall, unintentionally listening in on his private conversation. This certainly didn't seem like proper etiquette. 2) I could quietly skulk out of the stall without flushing, leaving a couple of "kids in the pool" for the next user to deal with. I was certain this was not the well-mannered thing to do, Or 3) I could flush, the sound of which would most assuredly make the person on the other end of the phone realize that his friend was not really "sitting in the café having a latte" but rather squatting in the bathroom brewing up his own pot of "crap-puccino." This option seemed not only impolite but downright mean.

But what could I do? When faced with three options, none of which are viable, you have to learn to improvise. And that's just what I did!

I stood up. Pulled up my pants. Zipped my zipper. Buckled my buckle. And flushed the flusher! Loudly and proudly, over the "whoooosh" of the swirling toilet water vortex, I yelled "Sorry our espresso machine is so loud!"

It not only seemed like good etiquette. It was the least I could do for a fellow biblio-rhea sufferer!

Today is, of course, 4-20 and school officials in some parts of the country have warned their teachers to not eat any brownies or cookies offered to them by students today. As a public service of the Rick and Len Show, we've put together these warning signs that...

THERE MIGHT BE POT IN THOSE BROWNIES

If every time the student makes something for your school bake sale, it's bought by Willie Nelson...there might be pot in those brownies.

If after eating one, your mouth is so dry your tongue has grown a cactus...there might be pot in those brownies.

If Betty Crocker on the box of mix they used can't stop giggling...there might be pot in those brownies.

If you actually think you saw Betty Crocker on the box of mix they used giggling...there might be pot in those brownies.

If Bill Clinton claims he chewed them but he didn't swallow...there might be pot in those brownies.

If every time the student finishes mixing up a batch, Snoop Dogg stops by to lick the spoon and bowl...there might be pot in those brownies.

If after just a couple bites, the whites of your eyes are so red old ladies mistaking them for hats gather around them and hold a meeting...there might be pot in those brownies.

If anything on this list made you laugh...there was definitely pot in those brownies!

Join us all this week on the Rick and Len Show for your chance to win tickets to see Larry the Cable Guy for an evening of sleeveless, bare-armed, blue collared, redneck comedy May 16th at the Weidner Center in Green Bay.

According to ABC, "Ladies Love Larry King" Yes, THAT Larry King!. Why? In spite of the fact the the only acceptable response to that question is "Beats the hell out of me!", we've still managed to come up with 10 reasons.

WHY WOMEN FIND LARRY KING SO SEXY

10. Dust is a powerful aphrodisiac.

9. Those lumpy adult diapers make it look like he’s really packing.

8. Used to love watching him host HBO's Tales from the Crypt.

7. All a woman has to do to have sex with him is get on top and let his Craftmatic Adjustable bed do all the work.

6. They find it adorable how at the point of climax he always yells "23 skidoo".

5. When he walks around the bedroom naked, they're turned on by the sound of his balls dragging across the floor.

4. Having sex with him is almost like having a threesome since the grim specter of death is always looking over his shoulder wherever he goes.

3. The friction from wearing those suspenders all day keeps his nips rock hard.

2. Couldn’t think of a number 2. I was too busy vomiting at the thought of women finding Larry King sexy. (and his rock hard nips!)

1. Woman apparently love a man with a large throbbing organ...even if the large throbbing organ is his prostate.

April 1st City of ChiltonPolice received a report that someone on Breed Street threw a Christmas tree into a dog pen.

March 30th City of NeenahA complainant reported seeing a 4-foot, solid brown object floating in the water about 300 yards from Kimberly Point Park. An officer, using binoculars, identified the object was a Christmas tree.

April 3rd Village of StockbridgeA Mary Street resident contacted police to report someone put a skunk in her son's car.

April 2nd Calumet CountyAn older, rusty, Dodge conversion van with two male occupants was going to residents' homes on High Cliff Road and asking to see resident's vacuum cleaners. They also offered to vacuum their carpet. One of the male subjects was wearing a woman's tank top. The reporting party called back later to state that he had done some more checking and found out that the men were...Kirby vacuum cleaner salesmen.

April 12th City of Beaver DamPolice received an anonymous report of outbursts of laughter on Front Street.

April 15th City of OshkoshPolice received a call from a UW-O biology major who found what looked like a big raccoon in her garage. On closer inspection the biology student realized it was actually a full grown hen turkey that had bedded down under the front tires of her car. Three officers were dispatched to the residence where one used a garbage can, a lamp shade and clucking sounds to coax the turkey out of the garage.

An Oregon entertainment magazine, The Portland Mercury, polled their readers to find out what they would most like to see on their cover. Naturally (and wisely) their readers voted to have a likeness of Betty White in a metal bikini wielding a flaming chainsaw while riding a John Ritter centaur. Here it is for your viewing enjoyment.

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...the 30-year-old man who was arrested Sunday morning in the Town of Menasha after punching and kicking another man during an altercation...at Christ the Rock Community Church. The man allegedly also broke a pew and punched a sheriff's deputy.

So,

For ignoring the little known 11th commandment: "Whilst in a place of worship, thou shalt not be a douche-bag".

For not realizing that it's not permissible to commit a crime in a church...unless you're wearing a white collar.

And for not understanding that while it's called Christ "The Rock", it doesn't mean the church is suitable for WWE Wrestling. (Do you suppose, after he hit and kicked the guy, he yelled out, "Can you smell what Christ the Rock is cookin'?" Then again, if they don't want wrestling on their property, maybe they should call it Christ the Dwayne Johnson Community Church. I'm just saying!)

We are proud to name the guy who was arrested for fighting Sunday morning in Christ the Rock Community Church in the Town of Menasha as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!

About WAPL

105.7 WAPL, Wisconsin's Rock Station, is a 100,000 watt radio station serving Green Bay, Appleton, Oshkosh, and the surrounding communities in the Fox Valley and Northeast Wisconsin.

105.7 WAPL is also your FM home for Green Bay Packers football. Listen all season for complete Packers Radio Network game coverage from Wayne Larrivee and Larry McCarren.

The Rockin' Apple has spent over thirty years entertaining listeners through the music of artists like Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Ozzy Osbourne, Van Halen, Metallica, Pink Floyd, Motley Crue, and countless others - along with concerts, contests and the humor of the veteran morning duo of Rick and Len.

In 2008, WAPL won the prestigious Marconi Award for national Rock Station of the Year. WAPL has also been awarded Rolling Stone Magazine Reader's Choice Station five times (1990, 92, 93, 94, and 95). In 1999, the station won Radio and Records Small Market Rock Station of the Year, and in 2004 and 2006 won the Wisconsin Area Music Industry.