Who Buys Someone a Car for Christmas?

Seriously I want to ask you guys this. Have any of you ever received a brand new (not used) luxury car with a gigantic red bow on top?

No?

Me neither.

So how is it without fail, Lexus, Infiniti and BMW, feature commercials of Stepford families jumping up and down in excitement, in front of their new luxury car, complete with a big red bow? I can’t even afford one of those big red bows. In what reality does this happen? In what universe do these car companies live, because I’m telling you right now, it’s not my universe. Their not even in the next universe over.

And there are 2 things that crack me up with these commercials. One, why does the entire family look like they should be on a J Crew set? I mean, we’re talking thick white, turtle neck sweaters, khakis and penny loafers. And two, at the end of each commercial they say something like, “just $899 a month for well-qualified buyers.” Which is code for, “you will never own this” or “your credit score must be 795+”.

Big Purchases In Human World

So let me paint a picture of what big purchases look like in normal, human world. And by the way, this is a true story that occurred over the past weekend. Your’s truly has lusted over a Samsung Gear S2 watch now for about 2 weeks, to go with my newly acquired Samsung Note 8 (which I love by the way). Seeing that on sale, the gear watches are about $179, I decided to go the used route. Surely there is a decent one on Craig’s List AND as a bonus, I won’t get killed? I decided to roll the dice.

I found a black one for sale at just $80 in Dayton which is about 1.5 hours away. We had to go to Dayton this past weekend anyway for my youngest’s birthday celebration. There is a place there, called Scene 75 that makes Dave and Buster’s look like a McDonald’s playland. I text the Craig’s List seller and we agreed to meet at a Starbucks to complete the transaction.

Despite agreeing to meet at 12:30, he still wasn’t there yet.

‘Is this how he kills his victims?’ I thought as I smiled at my 2 son’s, husband and son’s friend. I was beginning to question the transaction when a big burly guy rolled in, out of breath as if he had been walking four feet.

“You Hot Mess?” He asked.

“Yep!” I said, now excited at the prospect of getting this watch.

He pulled it out of his Nike sweatshirt pocket and presented it to me. It seemed ok and no scratches. I turned it on and connected it to my phone. After a successful test run, I was completely in love and announced,

“I’ll take it!”

I then looked at my husband which was code for- fork over the $80. He did and we went about our way.

My New Watch!

So you see car companies, 99.99999% of the population do not give each other $50,000 gifts for Christmas. I thought this would go without saying but apparently folks making 6 figures in the marketing departments, haven’t learned this lesson.

I actually do know someone who got a new car for Christmas and it had the big red bow and everything and they do look like they stepped out of a J. Crew catalog. And I made barfing sounds as I scrolled past the pics on FB.

Ugh, you know what? Anyone that puts shit like that on Facebook needs their social media card revoked. All that is essentially doing is “brag, brag, brag….brag, brag, brag…..brag, brag, brag.” You feel me?

It just makes me laugh. Even today when I stepped away from my laptop to speak with my son who was watching tv. What is shown? A flippin’ Buick holiday commercial. I get they don’t want to show a person at a dealership being turned down b/c they aren’t “well-qualified” but every single Christmas it’s a car, with a red bow, in the drive way, que the J Crew family. Why not get creative. Like, they roll up to the company Christmas party in the stupid thing, etc.

If it will make you feel better you can buy me a new car for Christmas and we can dress up and be those perfect people? lol I won’t say no 😛

My mom did get a car for Christmas once! I’m not sure who gave it to her exactly. She opened a Christmas card from the person with a picture of the car inside that said “go to the garage”. She got ALLLLLL excited and ran to the garage, threw open the door and inside was a hot wheels hehe I think this is why she has trust issues

Oh my God, if one of us makes a million we are totally doing this. Even if we have to rent the damn car for a day. Just to do a cheesy car commercial skit. Am I right? As for your mom, that is cruel, whoever did that to her. What the heck man?!?! I would never do th…..ok, we’ll if it’s around April Fools day and P is about to turn 16 (his birthday is 3/30), maybe I would do this? Nope, still too cruel!

Well that’s pretty crappy. A toy dog? For Christmas/paybacks, rent a midget horse and present it to your partner. Convince them this is their new pet and will live out in the backyard going forward. And it’s name will be Horseracio Sanchez.

In 1998 I bought my wife and myself matching Lexus for our Christmas present. We lived in The Florida Keys and we were at the top of our life game. For some strange reason, I got the idea from a Lexus ad on TV. So the answer to your question is, Me. I later discovered that Lexus was a subsidiary of Toyota, so I was a bit pissed to have paid all that cash for a fuckin Toyota.

Well congratulations! You are the first person I know of that not only gave a luxury car for a Christmas gift but was inspired to do so, because of the commercial. Tell me, were you two wearing white sweater turtlenecks (even though it were the keys), khakis, penny loafers and maybe puffer vests?

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