Big band jazz, however, makes the worst humanity glamorous. “No One Likes a Drunk on Christmas Day” especially by Caldwell/Denig/Brinsfield lightens the gloom and doom while wagging the finger at the object of our scorn.

The idea of observing the drinker lose volubility as vivaciousness increases is not the discovery of youtube circa 2003. The hilarious descent into stupor is an old nightclub bit at least as famous as Fay McKay’s Vegas routine “The 12 Drinks of Christmas.” Yeah it goes on forever, but do you feel bad for laughing at her incapacity?

Less successfully with the same formula is Frankie Ford. He takes forever to get going and even longer to get funny.

Danny McMaster applies a bit of the old Australian on his adaptation. He slushes right away, or is that his Ozzie accent?

Piano bar noodling can cover a lot of octaves. Jazz clanker, Trevor McShane is all over the place with “Too Much of Me (Mistletoe Song).” Now remember, jazz is not the wrong notes–it’s the notes you feel.

Most of the Xmas songs for soldiers are weepy numbers about little children missing Daddy (and Mommy) serving their country. It’s helped make us great.

Big Daddy Weave cleans up here with “I’ll Be Brave this Christmas.” Standard CW fare. But i’m not sure about pairing tank fire shots with invocation of JC’s name.

The Song Trust trowels it on with “Bring Him Home Santa.” The kid don’t want no gifts–only Daddy! C’mon, Santa. God didn’t answer my calls!

Did i saw Mommies too? Bernie Williams sings country about crying without and dancing with Mom. So, he says in “Santa I’m Writing This Letter.” By the way, his wish for his solja mama matters more than other kids’ wishes.

This is not a new notion, Vera Lynn sings us a story about the WWII era little boy who tells her “I’m Sending a Letter to Santa Claus.” Same old story, big band glory.

At times, kids like to inappropriately mash up urban hip hop with the childhood innocence of Christmas time. “The Legion of Elves” is a rap from Robby the Elf. It’s Atlanta on trial for delivering gifts. Weird computer graphics.

“The Elf Jump” comes from that unfortunate Golden Films about The Shoemaker and Santa. But it jumps and jives and has a 1940s good time. Credit Diane Eskanazi for the cool tune, if not the awkward animation.

Is the year-long carol search a fool’s errand? Christmas in the summertime?!

Bah & The Humbugs acknowledge that Christmas in July is a time honored measure of the furthest away you can get from the cool thing. But August?! Perhaps it is best explained in plain song: “Christmas in July (In August).”

Well, we’ve had some fun with the animal kingdom this month, but please remember where it all began: in the back of the barn. Let’s look at bunches of animals altogether now.

“The Animals Christmas Song” is another Chipmunks ripoff, and from all i can tell, was actually recorded by Santa’s Pixie Helpers. It’s the tortured rhymes of names of animals with Christmas items that keeps on giving.

“Carol of the Beasts” by Pete Seger mournfully strums through the manger’s menagerie, but in a folktastic way.

With his more modern maundering, Sufjan Stevens guides us through his version of “The Friendly Beasts.” Jesus’ beast-bro hoe down.

1952 begins with a new Queen for England and ends with a war hero for U.S. President. In-between are military coups for Cuba and Egypt. Although, we did beat the Russkies in the Helsinki Olympics (barely). George Jorgensen lost to Christine Jorgenson this year as well (if ya know whut ah mean).

The top o’ the charts also tells a battlesome tale. Consider this playlist as a searing love lorn plot: “You Belong to Me” “Here in My Heart;” “Why Don’t You Believe,” “Blue Tango,” “Cry.” “I Went to Your Wedding,” “Auf Wiederseh’n Sweetheart.” Those darn kids and their over-emotional tunes!

In Adult Town, where the real wars are made, we denially lounge to sweet, brisk, bouncy bands.

Spike Jones is still filling ballrooms. Here he is with his band and ‘Winter‘ (check out the cool Frisky Frolics cartoon with it!).

Okay, sometimes we had a couple too many and we get a little maudlin and we start singing too loudly about the past, like Don Cornell and orchestra with “Let’s Have an Old Fashioned Christmas.” Hic, hoo boy.

No no no, no more negativity. This is the Year of Norman Vincent Peale and Positive Thinking. We have to Swing and Sway with Sammy Kaye! Chins up! Toes pointed! Marching music, please, maestro! “All Around the Christmas Tree.”

As we enter our decade of prosperity and white picket fences, we still cling to our golden past of victory and nationalism. The big band dance music continues, but feels a little more jazzy. Louis Jordan and his Orchestra bless us with “May Every Day be Christmas.” It’s a thick coating of brass with a cheap organ flourish.

We continue fighting with the future by sounding like the past with thoughts of our boys on the front lines in Korea. PFC Eddie Fisher sings from there “Christmas Eve in My Home Town” complete with radio show introduction by the crooner.

Cool Tommy (‘It’s All in the Game’) Edwards is keeping it white with “Christmas is for Children,” although i would not play this dreamy, greasy night club nostalgia for children.

The worst of the running-in-place problems is the nepotism of Bing Crosby’s son (no, it only sounds like a daughter) warbling at thirteen years old here with “Dear Mister Santa Claus.” He later went on to form the Crosby Boys with his brothers and play night clubs and drink heavily. These boys mostly committed suicide.