Tuesday, 12 June 2012

W.U.G. ASKS FOR FROG ADVICE

From the letters page of "The Monmouthshire Mouthpiece":

We, of the W.U.G. (Women's Undomesticated Group), would like to know how exactly Doc Barbara encourages her frogs to mate. We held a meeting to discuss the question of the disappearing tadpole and the evident decline in frog libido: many members came up with highly imaginative suggestions, none of which seemed practical. If Doc Barbara will advise us, we will prepare for next Spring as we always anticipate matters. If wellies, waders, sou'westers or landing nets are required we will hold a series of bicycle basket sales (we do not approve of cars) to provide the money. The frogs of Britain can count on us!

Editor's reply: We have published a photograph of Doc Barbara (above) at her task of raising F.M.A (Frog Mating Awareness) in the rain. She is holding a wooden model frog of accepted sexually attractive appearance (for frogs) to inspire them and is wearing Union flags to symbolise their patriotic duty. In the background, unseen, are E.A.Ts (Expert Amphibian Trainers) who are watching out for creatures avoiding Doc Barbara's ministrations.

Note from the reporter from "The Brynbuga Beagle" The photo looks strangely familiar to me. I will offer the old girl some aphrodisiacal water from my pond. My frogs are at it constantly in March: there must be something about her that puts them off the whole idea.

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This blog records the doings of Doc Barbara whose life may seem mundane at first sight but whose quiet days reveal an undercurrent of drama and enterprise when viewed through the eyes of the reporter of "The Monmouthshire Mouthpiece."

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Photo acknowledgements

With thanks to:Rick Johnson for photograph of exhausted frog and Jubilee River PageantGina for photograph of Prince CharlesBilquun Gantuga for photograph of David CameronJim Byrd for photograph of tea-potPhotograph of Young Frog: Rena Ravi, Beckett Hills, Dave Sandersfashionblockphotos for photo of Barack ObamaBasil Rathbone Gallery and artist for drawing of Sherlock Holmes