by Brad Khan Basics of a horror film Everyone has seen a cheesy horror film before. It is always the same old thing, right? Of course, there are different types of movies. Some are obviously labeled bad or good. But, everyone has his or her own opinion.

In my opinion, it is extremely difficult to find a good horror movie. Only a few were ever made. Remember, this is my opinion. Most of the "scary"ÃÂ horror films are more like comedy to me. It is always the same thing. It begins with a really hot blonde chick, alone in a house. After she takes a shower or something, someone calls, knocks on the door, breaks in, or does something to completely horrify her. After she is scared, it gets really funny. She will do something dumb like asking, "Who is it?"ÃÂ or she will open the door to look outside.

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Sometimes she'll even go outside and leave the door open while the killer walks in, unnoticed. If that does not happen, the stupid hot blonde chick will stand by the window or something.

Okay, she finally sees the killer. What does she do next? To figure this question out, all you have to do is ask yourself, "What is the dumbest thing that she can possibly do?"ÃÂ Chances are, if she is destined to die, she will probably do something stupid. For example, she could do the obviously dumb thing and try to beat up the seven-foot killer with a seven foot chainsaw, with her bare hands. If she is in the house, the girl always runs upstairs, where she later traps herself in a hallway or room. She is later launched off of the roof, dead or alive. Or maybe she will hide, preferably under an object in a big room, or in a bathroom or closet. Where she obviously meets a painful death. If she is outside, she will almost always run into the woods or in another isolated building. If this happens, make a note to yourself that she will probably die.

All right, now that we are finished talking about the victim, lets take some time to review the killer. There are two different types of killers. There are stupid killers and there are smart killers. Most of the stupid killers are the ones that wear cheesy looking costumes and make funny noises. Like the big slow zombies for example. These dumb killers can usually be found in older horror films, like the ones that most people laugh at.

On the other hand, smart killers are usually found in present day horror films. They are usually human and wear a scary mask or something like that. Like the ghost face in "Scream"ÃÂ or the hockey mask that Jason wears in "Friday the 13th"ÃÂ. Some old "classic"ÃÂ films have smart killers too, like Michael in "Halloween"ÃÂ. But the point is these smart killers are what make the movies fun to watch (oh, and the dumb hot blonde chicks as well!). They usually have a pattern and a strategy to what they do. They do not aimlessly walk around eating everything like the stupid killers.

Okay now that we have finished talking about the main two characters in a horror film, we must talk about the rules of horror films. The "Basic Rules"ÃÂ are the heart of every horror film. Rule #1: The killer knows all. (This means that you cannot hide anything from the killer. He knows where you are and what you did.) Rule #2: The killer always follows a pattern. (This means that the killer does not always kill aimlessly, even if it appears so. He either kills someone because they got in the way or because he seeks revenge on them or something stupid like that.) Rule #3: The killer must always die twice. (This means that the once the killer dies, he always comes back alive. When he is killed assumed dead for the first time, always expect him to come back alive. No exceptions! This happens in every scary movie.

Rule#4: The killer must be decapitated to die. (You know what that means.) Rule#5: In debuts and sequels, the main character never dies. So if you are sitting there, wondering whether they are going to die or not"ÃÂ¦ quit"ÃÂ¦ because the main character never dies, in debuts and sequels.

Rule#5: All of the above rules are broken in trilogies. (In debuts and sequels, always expect to see all of the above rules. But in trilogies, do not get your hopes up. Every rule is broken in trilogies. Even the main character could die and does a lot of times in trilogies. But not always.) Well, that is my opinion on scary movies. Hopefully now, you will never look at scary movies the same way again.

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