Media’s Mission: Coronate Vilest Candidate Ever

Radio talk host Rush Limbaugh made an important point on Monday when he stated that the establishment press (mainstream media) is almost singularly spearheading the presidential campaign of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. The candidate is keeping a surprisingly low profile, leaving her surrogates in the press to focus on diminishing her opponent on a daily basis.

Now, we realize that the press almost singularly spearheaded the presidential campaign of one Barack Hussein Obama in 2008, but in that case the candidate was spry enough to participate vigorously in his campaign, rather than being held together with duct tape and arcane incantations like the funereal billionaire Montgomery Burns in “The Simpsons.” Obama was under less scrutiny than Clinton currently faces, but in this case, the press must endure despite the candidate’s near-absence from the campaign itself.

In a large measure, the treachery of the press is even more stark now than it was in the case of Obama because Clinton already has a legacy of serial treason. Limbaugh went on to point out that largely as a result of the press, very few of those voting for her will have a meaningful working knowledge of her record.

Then, considering the superficiality of the electorate in general, it is likely that many will vote for Clinton because they feel it’s time we had a woman President (just as in 2008 they felt it was time we had a black one).

This got me to thinking that it would be wonderful if reality represented to our senses a truly objective view of what people – in this case, political candidates – were like, as opposed to their carefully-crafted, subjective physical representations.

For example: Say a guy named Donald Trump ran for President and he was giving a campaign speech. To our voter, Trump might appear as a carny barker, with a loud overcoat, huge bow tie and top hat. He would be loud too, and his verbiage might occasionally be clumsy or even insulting.

While this appearance might be something of a distraction, voters would still be allowed to evaluate his message despite the stereotypical visage. Ironically however, it wouldn’t give voters any more insight to Trump’s integrity than they have now, or than they have concerning any candidate. Just like a traditional carny barker, what a candidate says sounds good, but will the attraction be all that they’ve promised? Trump comes across in this manner anyway; even his proponents admit that he’s loud, sometimes boorish, and trips on his tongue with regularity.

That said, the carny barker does not always stretch the truth, and sometimes, the attraction is well worthwhile.

In this alternative reality scenario, Hillary Clinton would be a completely different story. Objective reality would probably represent her appearance as an amorphous, grayish-green entity with only occasional glimpses of her leering face and trendy designer apparel peeking through the goo. Festering boils, sores, and other lesions would populate a shifting, gelatinous corpulence. Groups of diseased genitalia and excretory organs might form in random areas on her glistening skin, migrating across its surface and occasionally engaging each other in horrid fashion. Even to the non-religious person, her appearance would be truly evocative of a creature from Hell, a vision to make even the late H.R. Giger cringe.

Clinton’s campaign speech would be a disturbing cacophony of insane squeals, gibbering laughter, and profanities punctuated with her trademark shrill yammering. Audibly bursting abscesses and purulent excretions emanating from her would give rise to a stench of sufficient putridity to induce immediate vomiting in most individuals, thus it’s unlikely that many would dash off to cast votes for the slithering obscenity.

Unfortunately, the electorate doesn’t have the benefit of such insight, and the power of America’s incomprehensibly corrupt press cannot be underestimated. Ms. Clinton could be clinically dead for six weeks before the election and the press might still manage to get her elected. For now, they focus on a mission similar to their mission in 2008: Nothing is going to prevent the election of Hillary Clinton, nor should anything prevent this momentous and historic event.

We are on the verge of electing our First Woman President – it matters little that she is the most fundamentally evil individual ever to seek the office.