I try and make sure to have special time with each of my
children on a regular basis. I know
that our interactions are more positive and feel more cooperative when this is
happening. But time is a funny thing,
and often the week flies by before I realize once again that I missed some
opportunities. Or the scheduled time
together becomes sabotaged by my controlling tendencies, leaving my kids
disinterested in spending the time together.
My practice is to stay aware enough to embrace the opportunity to connect when it is presented to me, and
to allow my child to take the lead.

Recently, I had this opportunity. My husband had been called out of town and my
daughter was away at a sleep over – it was just my son and I for the
night. After playing with his friends all
afternoon, it was time to come in. We
were both looking forward to our evening together, with included making banana
pancakes, smoothies and a candlelit dinner for two. All accompanied by my son’s favorite Pandora
Radio station, One Direction.

I mentioned having some controlling tendencies earlier,
right? Well, this really can come out
when I am trying to teach the kids to cook - it stops being fun when the
teacher gets too focused on the outcome rather than the process. I deciding that this night would be
different, and it was. Mistakes were met
with smiles, breakout dance sessions were encouraged, and the tablespoon was
used to drop the batter into the pan to make for easier flipping. This
was taking time to train at its finest hour.

We had so much fun!
Once the table was set, we lit our candles and sat down to our
feast. It was so easy and relaxed. Joyful.
We laughed and talked, and enjoyed being together. This is what special time is all about. This is how you build relationship with your
children.

After dinner it came time to clean up. I could feel a little bit of a shift in my
body, as I began to focus more on the task at hand rather than the time
together. As I stood at the sink doing
dishes, I reminded my son, in a voice that was becoming more on the firm side,
to please clear the table…

My son looked at me and asked, “Mom, can you be like you
were before? When we were dancing… More smiley?”

Even as I write those words I have a physical reaction to
them. This is the child that recently
told me that it seemed like I was in a bad mood a lot of the time. This sweet kid, who just had a glimpse of the
mom who is so fun and connected, reminding me to be my best. What a smart and courageous boy to be able to
ask for what he needs. What a gift.

I put the dishes down and we had another little breakout
dance session. Huge smiles on both of
our faces.

So this special time business is as much for us as it is for
them. It allows parenting to be joyful
and loving. It provides space for us all
to be our best. Jane Nelsen, author of
the Positive Discipline parenting books
says, “Children do better when they feel better.” I think this goes for grown ups too – we all do better when we feel better.

So moving forward, here is what I plan to take with me-

·Embrace
special time – you can’t always control what it looks like, but you can be
present, allowing your children to lead you in the direction they want to
go. You may be surprised by how much fun
you have.

·Have more
breakout dance sessions – In an article
written by Steve Brown, MD in Psycology
Today, he recognizesthat dancing
allows for “social and emotional
attunement processes that accompany such physical coordination, including
feelings of bonding, empathy, cooperation, and social identity.”
Sounds like pretty good reasons to find times to boogie...

·Be more
smiley – and lighten up! Did you
know that we can actually trick our mind with our body? Plaster a smile on your face and your mind
will be fooled into thinking you’re happy.
In another article
in Psycologist Today, writer Sarah
Stevenson shares that “Each time you
smile you throw a little feel-good party in your brain. The act of smiling
activates neural messaging that benefits your health and happiness.” And
who isn’t down with a feel good party?

So once again,
I have been reminded that my kids are my teachers. When I am open to their schooling, I grow and
stretch in ways I never realized I could.
Go and enjoy your children, have some special time together. Do more dancing, and be more smiley – it
makes life more fun!