As a child we all want to be superheros of some kind. I've found my way of being a super hero...I'm a surrogate. I want to share with others my journeys, and hope that people will both learn about surrogacy, and want to be part of it, it is a beautiful world, welcome to it.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The ultrasound department wasn't too pleased though, when I arrrived, they let me know that my doctor only scheduled for one appointment... with twins, they should have booked TWO because they have to do all the same measurements... twice.

Either way, they seemed to put up with me very well. They said "well, you definitely have the twin belly!" and then when I laid down she looked at me a few times and said "Did you know you're the same size standing as laying?!" It was a good laugh to see all their reactions for sure.

The appointment was for 12:45pm, and I was at the hospital by 12:00pm to register. I had number 204 and they were already at 201, so I diodn't wait for very long haha After I registered, I went and got a big orange juice so that the sugar would get to the babies to get them moving a bit. I had also drank 0.5 liters before I left home. They normally say drink a whole liter and be done drinking it 30 minutes before your appointment, but I knew I couldn't hold in a whole liter, and the last time I had an utlrasound, he did just fine with my bladder empty. They seen them just fine, and never even mentioned if I had finished the whole liter.

Baby A was first of course, which was the lower baby [they are now side by side, so it's just a matter of which one is lower and closer to the cervix from here on out]. Baby A had great stats, and they took 30 minutes to get all of the measurements. Baby A's toes had to be measured with me on my side.. they were up under my rib cage already lol

Baby B wasn't as cooperative, and they worked on me for abotu an hour to get all of their stats. This one just wouldn't stop MOVING! She kept getting frustrated with B because B kept flipping.. and flipping... and she had to keep repositioning herself. She took 7 minutes just to get all the shots of B's heart because of all the flipping, she would finally get a great shot.. and then B decided it was time to move!

To my knowledge, they have... nothing... for a girl yet haha I told htem already I knew for SURE one was a boy, and I knew the other had top be a girl, I always know with my pregnancies what the baby is haha I was so confused at the beginning of the pregnancy! I thought my predictor was BROKEN!! But then when we found out there were TWO, I knew why I had been so confused, and I guess right away for Baby A and Baby B. I love being specific, and I had such a strong feeling about both babies being that sex, and I had kind of already bought a little something for both babies... one in pink and one in blue... two months ago. Tags were already removed... receipt lost... haha.

It took us about 10 minutes to be certain about Baby B... he had his umbilical cord in the mix! so, looking up through his legs, he had the umbilical cord in the way... so I told htem to give me a second... got up... had a bigg gulp of juice... andjumps 5 times. Sat back down, he was moving so much that he kept kicking the cord LOL We narrowed in on the poor guy, and waited for a good shot, and just like I told them... BOY!

She told me not to be alarmed if they were a bit small, by about a week or so, so we were expecting weights of 8.5-9.5 ounces. Which was fine, as long as they were both health and placentas were good, cervix was good etc. Everything checked out great, and i'm super duper excited until my appointment on Friday so that I can get some pictures, and I think this time I'll be photocopying the pictures to keep some for myself. I'm so regretful that I didn't do that with the first ultrasound picture, and I really am excited to do it this time.

So, my personal life is finally looking up :) It's all about getting organized right? Well, ti's been very nearly a whole months since my hubby moved out ... and I am finally sleeping a bit better at night. I was getting nightmares... every night... all night from all the stress of money, the kids not listening, trying my darnedest to keep the house a float and in somewhat order. And... I'm not going to lie, being pregnant with twins and having two very young children + thyroid problems and a tono of meds... = near burn out. I'm starting to look forward to thinkg though, I know it's normal to feel a bit down at first about everything. I'm a real single parent at this point... it's not as hard as I thought though, and in a lot of ways... looking back, I was a single parent in a lot of ways before he moved out... I just had three kids instead of two.

I klnow some of you want to know what the status of my marital status is because people are noticing that I'm not wearing my engagement ring anymore... but what I want to also point out.... is that I'm not wearing my birth stone either, to which I've worn every day since I was 14. My fingers have swelled a little bit, not during the day, but sometimes just after supper time about. Juuust enough to make my rings a bit tight, and a bit uncomfortable. I haven't noticed swelling anywhere else though, so I'll take that as good. The hands and feet are VERY common to get swollen, especially for someone like me, who cleans all day, cooks.... my hands don't ever stop.

To stop avoiding the real answer, we're still working on knowing where we both stand right now. A lot of people don't know a lot about my past. I had my daughter at 17. Yep. 17. I moved out of my parents house when I was 3 months pregnant with her. I stayed my butt in high school throughout my entire pregnancy. Hubs moved in with me at 36.5 weeks pregnant... before that, I was alone and mostly on my own. It was very lonely, and none of my friends could even come close to understanding where I was coming from and what I was experiencing.

He was 17 too. You know what normal 17 year olds are thinking about? College.... Universities. Going out to a friend's house. Date nights. Getting a passing grade on that Math test. Sabotaging their sibling's hair. All we could think about was... graduating [which he did a few months before she was born, he was born in Dec. 1990, I'min January 1991, putting him a year ahead of me], getting jobs, finding a place to live, learning how to take care of a baby, learning to let go of our friends and social lives.

I'm not saying we were the only ones on the planet who went through it... but we are a couple who are very few who got through that together.

We celebrated 5 years together this week. 5 years.

After all the struggle, where id it leave us? What were we fighting and struggling for now? It left us in a weird place, a place where there wasn't a whole lot of struggling... at least... not the way we did with a baby and being pregnant again while I was in school, the baby was in daycare, and he was doing shift work with unpredictable hours, never knowing if we were going to make rent. We never even talked about what it was going to be like when we weren't always exhausted, fed up, and... just holding on.

That's the part we have to work on NOW.

It may take awhile... could take months... could take longer than months. But we have 5 years under our belt. That's a HUGE accomplishment when you consider... all fo that. Neither of us is giving up yet, but we've both admitted that things have to change, and we need to grow and change as adults... we've never done that. So... we're working on things and trying to grow both as individuals AND a couple, just, living apart to make it easier. We are still engaged, there is no idea on a date to get married, and for right now, we're not planning a wedding of any kind, we're just trying to get to where we should both be.. happy. We don't know if that is together... or apart yet, that's what we're working on.

Thank you to everyone who can understand where we are... and thank you for those who are supportive even through they DON'T understand.

This pregnancy is going amazing, and not everything is perfect, but it's life, and I think that even though we may not realize it... a step back is never admitting defeat, it's admitting that victory is a sure thing as long as we take the necessary steps to get there.

My thoughts go out to all my US friends. I seen the President's speech and... as confused as you may be... us Canadians... are like "What the hell?! They BOMBED someone?! Aren't they BROKE?! What are they thinking...? WAS he thinking?!" So... yeah... we're with you with a big question mark on our faces too. I'm not saying... let the leaders of crazy countries kill their own people, as I do think it's an injustice... I'm just saying... Could someone fill all of North America... and possibly the ret of the world... in? Gotta do whatchya gotta do... but I feel the confusion <3 So, here is to hoping he hold another conference, and stops avoiding the question "so.. are we at war... or jsut dropping a few bombs to flex our muscles?".

thank you all for reading these long ass boring speeches lol

-Cathleen

PS - ULTRASOUND PICTURES ARE ONLY GIVEN OUT AT THE OBS AFTER THE ULTRASOUNDS, SO FRIDAY IS THE DAY <3

Monday, March 28, 2011

I know I haven't been around nearly as much as I should be.. but I'm going to be honest with you all... my life... has been soo boring LOL

So, we hit 19 weeks on Saturday.. wow.. where has the time gone? We have about 17-18 weeks left about [hopefully that much time anyway, could be any time after 11 weeks from now :O].

Soo... my newest and more severe symptom... has been lower back pain. Holy smokes. Ouchies. Some days are a LOT worse than others, some days I'm fine and it just bothers me the last hour or two of my day. Some days though, I wake up and it already hurts, so I'll be stretching more and putting hot/cold compress and massage every night soon. Yesterday - was a bad day. lol By about noon, the pain was so bad that I was nearly in tears when the pain would run from mylower back to my knee, and it would paralyze me were not moving hurt sooo much, but moving did too, so having to move to get comfortable again wasn't really working for me lol

My pelvic pain has been much better though, so that's a BIG plus!

Still not sleeping much, but I'm hoping that that will change when I start to stretch more often and watch what I do a bit more, I know I did A LOT of walking last week, and honestly that could be the cause of all the pain right now. So, going to remind myslf that I have to WORK UP to walking again with the kids, and no matter who I'm walking with or fast they are going, I have to slooowwww down. I've been cooped up in the house for MONTHS and I can't just tell my body that "well, I know you're much bigger, have a lot more fluid, and have more weight to carry around... but let's try to be as fit as you were 3 months ago when you were walking almost every day!" ... my body.... would go on strike lol.

Alright... so of course I have my 19 week belly pictures hehe

Yep... that would be my belly button lol Every day I'm finding more and more that it's nearly popped. I think by 22-23 weeks, it will be completely popped outward, and I'm suspecting that a stretch mark should make it's way across my stretch markless belly by about 30 weeks if I keep growing at this pace haha

So, a little update on how each baby should be doing, according to babycenter.com

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

As most of you know, my big ultrasound is tomorrow, and as far as I know I can share measurements and presentation of each baby but not the sexes YET. I AM hoping to be able to let you guys know after the appointment on Friday.

I've noticed that there are a little changes being made to my belly day to day. The last few days, I've found that my bump is HIGHER and is less poppy ... lol If that makes any sense at ALL I'll be surprised. I'm realllllly hoping that the baby's stay one on top of other other though, as there is a lower risk of them both trying to come out at the same time, and less risk of csection.

Which brings me to answer a question. Someone asked me why I wouldn't just have an elective csection and not deal with labor at all. Wellllll... lol

Csection = much longer healing time, it will make it harder for me to be matched with other couples who I wouldwant to help in the future, and the pain that lasts for weeks after the csection is NOTHING compared to maybe one day of pain for labor. Healing time is faster, less risk of infection. There is some studies that show that csection is harder on babies than vaginal birth [after 28 weeks] and I don't like the thought of possibly being put to sleep either.

Natural Labor = more parental involvement. More control over my body and healing time. Being able to pump DIRECTLY after birth. Being able to share and film the labor [hopefully]. No bedrest afterward. ELaving hospital in 24 hours instead of 4-5 days. Better weightloss and health recouperation time. Easier for me to match with other couples, and being able to help MORE couples.

For me, labor is NOTHING compared to surgery, I've had a breast reduction, and two natural, non-medicated births with back labor... give me the back labor!!

This choice isn't for everyone, I just believe that this is what is right for ME.

I had soe other questions this week as well that I would like to share and answer.

I will leave this message ANONYMOUS, but I will post the email and answer them FOLLOWING the email ... okay?

"

I was wondering what made you choose T & C as your IP's and if you did it again what would be different/same as them. what will happen after labour? will they have a separate room in the hospital to stay with the babies? will they stay at your place after you have the babies? I think you should also talk about the complications of doing a surrogacy for someone overseas such as adoption of the babies or how you were originally thinking of having the babies there.

I think it's such an interesting surrogacy, especially because they are overseas and you are basically doing it on your own.

Some other questions for the blog (because I'm nosey! haha)

Do you have a set schedule for pictures or updates or just random updates after you have them?

Would you ever do a surrogacy for an overseas couple again?

How has the surrogacy been different from your expectations?

Do your IP's have concerns about your thyroid medications affecting the babies? "

When you meet IP's, you have to first think ...can I live with these people for 9 months of my life, and then can I trust them to raise this child properly... neither of which you can actually answer until you have gone through the nine months..so not very helpful right lol

Every surrogate just makes the best judgement call you can. Most of the time, you haven't known these people for all of your life.. you don't meet their entire families... it just doesn't happen. Therefore.. unfortunately, you just have to HOPE you made the right choice by the things they've told you and the way they have reacted thus far into the surrogacy.

Remember that MANY relationships go sour either during the surrogacy, or afterward. I wanted to help the MOST deserving couple, who were in the MOST need. That can always be a difficult thing to do.

In the hospital, after the birth, I will sign over my parental rights, and nothing is final, since we don't know when the babies will be born. If the babies are well enough to stay in the hospital room, we have spoken about getting a joint room so that I won't have to bother with bringing milk all over the place all the time. If they are in the NICU, I have to talk to the hospital and see where we go from there. As far as I know, usually the mother stays in thehospital, but not sure for our situation.

With overseas surrogacy like this, they will h ave to wait for the birth certicate and then passports to bring the babies back home, where she will adopt both babies under her name. It's a little complicated, but I will update you all on how it goes when we get to that point :)

Unfortunately in surrogacy, although the IP's have to trust the surrogat for 9 months, we as surrogates have to sit back and hope tht the IP's follow through with their part of the deal.... to keep on contact with us after the birth. There is not set schedule as of yet, but I'm hoping maybe I could speak to them about this and see what that goes. I knwo that they will be sending pictures as often as they can [hopefully that won't be like every year or something lol] and I'm hoping that they still want to skype with me after the birth and after they are home. Everything changes after the babies are born, they have total control over the babies at that point, and they may feel the need to cut me out a lot more than they feel they would at this point.. seeing as how they haven't had the chance to even hold them yet... sio, although I should have set up a schedule, I'm praying that they just keep up their side of the deal.

At THIS time... I would have to say no, I wouldn't do overseas surrogacy again unless they were filthy rich and could make it to the appointments. I have found it very lonely to go to every appointment and ultrasound alone, and quite honestly... I don't think I could do TS again if the parents weren't a lot more involved. it's just too hard on me and my family. Things could change, but as of right NOW... no I won't do another overseas surrogacy.

I think every first surrogacy is a kick in the "expectations" box. I didn't expect to feel so alone all the time. I didn't expect that the money that I asked for a singleton pregnancy wouldn't nearly cover a multiple pregnancy [in my defense, I've never been pregnant with multiples]. I'm hoping that the end result is more joyous and worth it than I expected, because the surrogacy has been more rough that I had ever imagined thus far. Not all of it has to do with the surrogacy, but life in general has kicked me in the butt the last few months, and it's been 10x worse to try to cope while pregnant. Again, having IP's who were MUCH closer and available to be here with me would have been so much easier at a time like this.

With the medication I'm on, I'm on the lowest dose. There would have been some bad side effects that were possible IF it wasn't under control, IF the medication was a much higher dose and IF it had caused other possible complicated associated with hyperthyroidism. Thankfully, it was under control in even less time than they expected, and the risk to the babies and myself on thsi medication is close to zilch. Being on the medication, I have a higher risk of Pre Eclampsia, Gestational Diabetes and Premature Labor... the good news is that the risk is only a concern past 15mg per day... we're only at 5mg per day. They have my blood pressure under watch, as well as any bacteria in my urine, and so far, everything looks AMAZING and hasn't changed! So, yes, there are risks, but it is different for every person. I have no medical history for high blood pressure or even swelling unless I was on my feet all day, and even then, if I had put my feet up and drank some nice ice water, I was fine within 10 minutes :D

I hope that answered all of the questions well.

People ask me if there are things like mixed emotions, or occasional frustration toward my IP's out. Yes I do. I hnestly don't like it when I get a message from my IP's saying that people may take things this way or that way, that it may upset their partner etc, and it's very stressful and tiring to have to change the way I express myself to suit someone else's views and lifestyle. So, to keep my IP's and general public happy, I leave a lot of personal emotion OUT. As well, I get people who critisize on MY opinions... at first I thought.. well... it's MY blog... so yeah... I'm going to have an opinion, get used to it. But then I just got tired of it all, and I just decided that it just was not worth it!

Anyway, I have to get an early night tonight, it's been a long day haha

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Okay, I know that I haven't been blogging lately.. nearly enough. I've had... so many personal problems come up this week and my world has been turned upside down to say the LEAST! haha Okay, so it's all over now, and the last two weeks ahve been CHAOOSSS. Britney Spears thinks SHE has it bad.. my gosh don't go there lol

Okay, so. My IP's and I are getting ready for the birth of the babies [not to actually go and HAVE them, but talking about the specifics now].

We agreed on the dynamics of it all, which was great. No biggie.

The thing we aren't sure of yet, is this. I'm an open person, I'm a free spirited Canadian. They are private English folk [for the most part... you know... besides getting a free spirited Canadian knocked up LOL].

I, of course, want to film the labor bit at least to share [no faces of them or their voices or anything like that, I know they wouldn't do that, being English and.. private folk is what I called it above I think]. I thought for sure, I'd be able to do that with all of my surrogacies, afterall, that's the part where my body is in full force, and to me, it's just labor, it's all natural, but I wanted to share it really bad!! The birth part I knew we would have to talk about. That's a given. I wanted the medical side to it all, more of an educational and inspirational type of video, again, no faces of the nurses, doctors or them.

So... I have now found myself in a position where I guess I wasn't clear enough in the beginning again lol I thought the confidentiality claus in our agreement kind of covered all of this, and as long as they were kept out of it, and their babies too of course, I would be okay.

We live in different parts of the world, have different experiences etc. I wanted to do this for MY own labors as well.. and nothing was set up, both times it was "OMFG" moments. With my first, we were in to get an IV put in to be induced the next morning, they checked me to see if I needed anything to efface, and I was 6cm dilated, they had to keep me. I had no hospital bag, hubby didn't have his bag... we had ... nothing with us. lol We were both told we should stay, I was told they couldn't release me. With my second, I had my hospital bag with me at a friends house when my water broke! I thought I would have time to go home get changed etc, but again, with my fast labors... wasn't happening when I arrived the nurse told hubby right away, if you leave, you could miss it all. So, again it was a shock, his boss had driven him from WORK to meet me hahaha

So, this will be the first time that I have the opportunity to film it as well.

They are not sure if they would be comfortable with any of it... not even the labor part. So, now we're at ends a bit, and trying to settle this. She already posted something on her blog asking opinions, and I thought it was FINALLY my turn to do it too! So, for or against, I want your opinions on the subject, to help us all decide what to do.

Again, I never thought this would come up, a lot of people asked me "didn't you discuss this already", I just figured I had my blogs, they agreed that my youtube blogs were a good idea, they knew how much I shared with you all etc and I honestly figured they knew just how open I was...I read the contract the confidentiality claus, I honestly and truly never even thought this would be an issue! haha

Leave your comments, I'm open to both sides, I wouldn't ask if I wasn't :P I always get mixed comments, which is fine, it's good and I'm glad everyone has an opinion.

The only thing III don't want is "Why the heck would you put that on the internet?!" or "You're crazy" I want honest full opinions and explanations so I know where you are coming from. There aren't too many surrogates who are comfortable with posting their labors and births, there are even less who have twins and post it. I am sharing my pregnancy with you, and I want to share the birth and everything that comes afterwards as well.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Well, I'm not going to lie. The last week has been... hectic, overwhelming and stressful. HOWEVER, I've learned to organize myself, cope better and find myself a bit as well, so I think it evens out.

My fiance moved out March 3rd. For those who know me... I keep to myself a lot. I don't honestly have friends who come over for play dates, and I don't go out for playdates. I don't have suppers, and don't get invited to them. My first little bit of excitement, is a birthday party for a 4 year old this weekend. What the heck do you buy a 4 year old? lol I knew one day, I would have birthday parties, it comes with the mommy status. What I DIDN'T do.. is my research on age appropriate gifts.

Today, I had a welfare representative... pop by... at 930am. Wonder if he noticed my bralessness? haha I felt at the time, that it was definitely an invasion of privacy for sure... and I was upset. However... how could I have prepared any differently other than cleaning my darn house? I was still the same person I would have been, I had the same explanation and information I would have had. My children were both fed, clothed and fairly happy. Sometimes, we need to just say "oh well!" and move on. I'm trying to do that more often. I think we all should.

Okay. So, our OBS was FIRST on the dock, but I like to show you guys a window into my personal life. I'm not just a surrogate, I am a mommy and a person as well. I have struggles just like you all, and I hope that my bluntness doesn't put anyone off... this is what you get sometimes, just me.

The date of our OBS was March 11th. As all appointments, I got my stats, but it started off with me explaining my situation to my nurse, who is also my ... well... Josh's cousin through marriage. She knows how young we were, but didn't now about the ADHD or him not being medicated as a child. I explained that to her, and that, we are trying to work on things, slowly, and effectively, in order to build an adult relationship that started from friendship as teenagers.

Here are the statsWeight: 111.5 - 2 lbs lost in a weekBlood Pressure: 110/60 -my regular blood pressurePulse: scattered. It was taken, at 146 beats per minute and then five minutes later, 102 beats per minute. Just my thyroid trying to even things out.

Blood Test ResultsPrevious Thyroid Count: 30Current Thyroid Count: 15

This all means... a lot. Start with weight gain. It's certainly not great. We won't worry until our next appointment though. No reason to worry, if there is nothing to worry about yet :) We were 16w6d, and it wasn't necessary to gain a whole lot anyway yet. The only concern he has is that with my thyroid slowing DOWN, my metabolism should be as well ... making it hard to NOT gain weight now.

Blood test results, mean that I went from being in a very dangerous place, to now being considered safe. That means... so much. I am down to 1 tapazole 5mg a day, which also means I can slow down on my morning sickness pills since I will suffer less side effects. It also means, that we are trying to keep it controlled, not bringing those levels down anymore. It also means, that they don't have to up my dosage, which means less side effects or chances for long term side effects. This is great.

He did the doppler thing, which is always exciting. He couldn't find Baby B though, and I think he was honestly very concerned [he told me later that he was a little concerned, but the way he rushed me to the ultrasound machine... he was a bit more than a little concerned I think haha]. So, yes, we got an ultrasound. Which is good. I was pleased to be honest. With twins, a lot of the time, you do need an ultrasound to get the heartbeats because there is a whole lot of extras in there. Baby A, on teh bottom, and head down [for now] had a healthy heartbeat of 180. Baby B, much higher up, and still transverse, had a lovely heartbeat of 140. They let me take a video for the parents, they were very pleased to see them! We didn't get pictures though, as the quality was low, and he couldn't measure them for the same reason.

I have a time for our 20 week ultrasound. March 29th, 2011 at 12:45 Atlantic time. So very exciting.

SECOND PART

Holy crap, we made it to 17 weeks, with both babies healthy and still growing. I feel... huge, and I'm not. lol I'm just "big" for 17 weeks. Wanna see? If you don't... I'm sorry... I like to share haha

I always apologize for my camera... I do keep setting it, honestly, but it seems to have a mind of it's own! I also realize that I keep changing the way I'm facing lol That's not very helpful I'm sure LOL I'm going to start taking them all facing the dor way, sorry about that, I never realize it when I'm doing it, I usualy take them super fast.

I know this has been a long post, and I have more to talk about and to ask you all about, so I'll make another post tomorrow maybe? I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post... I know that I wanted to keep posting as often as I had something to talk about, but I'm sure you all can understand how deep I am in my own stuff rigth now. Thank you to everyone who is supporting me through messages and just checking in. It means a LOT to me. You have no idea.

I have a quote here for you all though, I hope you like it.

«Our true wealth is the good we do in this world. None of us has faith unless we desire for our neighbors what we desire for ...ourselves.» — Mohammed﻿

I think we all strive to be better people, to improve on our past mistakes. I don't doubt that. Every day, we can make a difference, in our lives, our children's lives and our neighbor's lives. A simple gester of thanks, friendship, love or appreciation can change someone's day. Just remembering to say thank you to everyone, makes a difference. I was hospitalized during my last pregnancy, and one day, the janitor came in, and asked if I would like to have my floors washed. I said yes, it would be great, and before he left, I said "Excuse me.." and he thought he missed a place. I continued at the puzzle I seen forming on his face, "Thank you, I really like getting out of bed to a clean floor." He told me that not many people thanked him, that it was just his job. Sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things in life. Even if it's just a snow removal man, a janitor, a social services worker... without these people, we would be lost. They do the jobs that no one else wants to do. They deal with the hardest jobs there is, the least appreciated jobs. Josh works in an old folks home... and I know he has rough days, he's come home and asked to not change diapers that day.. he had just been up all night doing so. He comes home GLOWING when a family member thanks him, or the patients thank him. Please remember that, I know we can get rushed, and we just forget. Let's all try to take a few moments, because that's all it takes, to stop, and thank someone for what they do for us, or the people we love.

Thank you all for reading these, Lent just started for those who are religious. Lent is personal, it is a personal sacrifice me make. Most people give up fast food, junk food... I've decided a few years ago, that instead, I would make a point to be more proactive. More specifically, I would do things around the house that I would not normally do daily, but would improve our lives. I'm not extremely religious, I do pray before bed if I don't pass out as soon as I get in bed, for those who aren't... it is a choice, just like everything else, but I feel safer, believing in something greater than us. If there is no heaven, and it IS all a big scam from the Catholic Church, I have improved my own life, and the lives around me through the belief that there is something beyond this life. We are on this planet for a limited time, why not have faith in something that makes me feel safe, encourages me to help others... right?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

We have our ultrasound date AND time now for the anatomy [allll sorts of anatomy parts... like the little weenies...or.....buns? lol] scan!

Soooooo... we get to see the twins again March 29th, 2011 at 12:45pm Atlantic Canada Time! For those of you who know me, yes, that's 4:45pm for my IP's... hopefully I don't ruin their supper by telling them there's a third baby in there.... JUST KIDDING... that would not be good lol

We are also 16.5 weeks. I always say there are no new symptoms... but sometimes, I forget the little things that I just expect to happen.

I've had a very achy pelvic bone for the last couple weeks. I know it's just from growing so fast with two babies in there though. I only really notice if I'm actually walking, like outside. When I'm outside, I tend to take bigger strides... it reminds me that I have more of a waddle now, and to start to embrace it.

My ribs are starting to ache too... so it's all the normal aches and pains, and I'menjoying every single second! Someone once complained about me in their facebook status, and it kind of opened my eyes. When my morning sickness was really bad, were it was 5-10 times a day where I was puking, yes, I complained. It HURT to dry heave that much, I was weak from not being able to eat and my house.... I couldn't do anything. Seriously... anything. I couldn't even switch my wet clothes into my dryer because just the moving exhausted me from not being able to eat... so yes... I 4 times complained. I was upset that she was complaining about me to be honest... but what she said hit me later. I don't have the quote, it was months ago now, but it was something along the lines of

"Don't complain about something that someone else wishes they could experience, especially when they have to read it every day when you get to do something that they can not."

I actually removed them from my facebook that day. But... as time wore on, I realized that I shouldn't be complaining. I am allowing someone else to be a mother... I am doing something that some women can't... they only wish they could experience the heart burn, swelling, sickness, aches and pains that some of us take for granted. I will admit though... I WILL complain. Sorry. You'll all have to accept that pregnancy is not easy, no matter how much someone can love being pregnant... it's hard... a twin pregnancy... people think it's harder near the end, but that it's normal before that... they're wrong. It is tough from day 1. You are more sick, you grow like crazy, which creates more aches and pains, more hormones, so more mood swings.. it IS crazy.

I DID sign up for this. However, everyone who has a job has signed up for that job, and I hear people complaining about their job all the time. People sign up for their marriages, people still complain about that. People sign up for children, and my gosh, not a day goes by that I don't see at least 10 people on my facebook home page who complain about being a parent. We allll need to vent. We alll have things to complain about when we have a rough day. Parenthood and life in itself is not easy.

That being said, I love this pregnancy. I love the fact that i am able to be pregnant... with TWINS ... and not have to bring these babies home. I MAY get stretch marks. I MAY be miserable at some point. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE having this opportunity! These babies are kicking and squirming and breathing in my tummy, how AMAZING is that? Yep... they make my boobs hurt. They may my sex drive.... disappear. They make sure that I have no pants that fit. They make me moody, and even short tempered sometimes. I love these babies, and I am SO glad they are there! I am SO glad that I can help people go from being a couple... to being a FAMILY. How many people can say they completed a family? That's... truly amazing.

I also heard another quote today. It is completely true, but it touched me, because when I thought about it, I seen myself.

"When you become a mother, you stop being the picture, and start being the frame."

For anyone who has experienced parenthood... you know this is what is supposed to happen. We are supposed to take care of our children. We are supposed to get up every morning, make them breakfast, send them to school, do their laundry, clean their dishes, bug them to clean their room, kiss them every day and NEVER forget to tell them how much we love them to pieces. This job is... amazing, stressful, overwhelming, and soo rewarding. We even get promotions... we got from "Mom" to "Grandma". When people say that stay at home moms don't work, remember something, we work all day long and all night long. We don't get "days off". We don't get "vacation time". We don't even get PAID.

We do all need to vent. We all need people to confide in... we don't want to be judged for having a bad day. I would love for one person on this Earth to tell me they have NEVER had a bad day. No one was born from the virgin Mary. No one is God's child... no one is perfect. We learn as we go. That's all we can do is learn, we stumble, and sometimes fall. We need to then pick ourselves up, clean the cuts, and learn that next time, you won't trip over that obstacle. Sometimes each obstacle takes a few times where we need to fall down and scrape our knees.

I want to thank everyone who reads these... some of my blogs have messages... some have updates.. some have rambles of a pregnancy hormonal woman. No matter what I put up here, someone always reads it. Thank you all for CARING or being NOSEY enough to read these. I am trying to LEARN through this surrogacy and pregnancy. I am just like anyone else, every experience is a lesson... I think that no matter where we are in life, it is so important to stop along the way, and learn something... you may never use that knowledge again [like... grade 12 physics... yeah... this momma may never use that stuff... lol], but it's there. Thank you for following MY journey, MY lessons, MY hardships. It helps to know that you are all with me, and I hope that you can all put up with me through the rest of this journey!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

welll....we are now a whole month into our second trimester! only 3 more to go and we will be in our third trimester! Isn't it going by so fast?!

I only took one picture so far today, but I'm getting there, I swear haha I took one laying down for you all, and i definitely see a bigger difference in my laying down ones than the ones I take standing... my muscles are apparently getting a bit loose in there, will have tow ork out a bit in between these pregnancies so that I don't hang out as much next time hahahaha

When people are asking me how I feel, all I can say is... big. I'm not THAT big yet... but... I'm getting there and starting to feel EVERY SINGLE ounce haha

For 16 weeks, each baby is now 6 inches long [WOW!] and weighs 4.5 ounces already! They are getting soo big now! By 20 wweeks, they will have reached about 10 inches, which I also find CRAZY haha

﻿Believe or not, both of those picture depict 16 weeks! So much of a difference already! The next one I have for twins is at 20 weeks, so... only 4 more weeks until I can post it hahahahaha

I had to go in yesterday to see my doctor.

Everything is okay of course, but he thinks they my hypERthyroidism has changed into hypOthyroidism, which would mean that from going overactive .. it would now be underworking lol Pregnancy induced thyroid problems are a bit unpredictable, so it could go either way as it pleases, which as you can all imagine, is quite annoying. One week I'm running to the bathroom thanks to everything being at a high speed [including digestion] and the next week, I'm backed up! LOL

They checked my weight and fundal height real quick, we're at 113.5 lbs, which is good, we're now at a weight gain of 15.5 lbs about, and she measured me at 26cm! HOLY SMOKERONIES! That would be about right for 26 weeks with a singleton! Boys oh boys! haha

I also had some questions asked to me on facebook, and thought they were really good, so I'll answer them here for you all!

1. What got you into being a surrogate?

Most people just say "to help people". Yes, that's the biggest part of this. I do this because I have family members who had a very hard time conceiving on their own, and after watching them as I grew up struggle, I became to understand that infertility isn't just for those who were much older, or those who had cancer. It effects a LOT of people. The struggles and pain that those people go through... it's so.. touching. I hope my IP's don't mine me saying this, but they have been trying to have a baby for 10 years! 10 stinking years! That's 120 cycles! Can you imagine every month praying and hoping for 120 months?! I know people who have tried for 48 cycles.. and have just about given up... 120!! Imagine how emotional and happy they were when all of a sidden, after one cycle... they were suddenly expecting a baby! Imagine their joy of holding these babies for the first time... after 120 months! THAT is why I do this.

2. How far between babies will you get pregnant for someone again? Like will you wait 6 months, a year, etc...

There is a surrogacy requirement to wit 6 months in between pregnancies, it doesn't matter if it is a natural or csection birth. I do have concerns for someone's health who doesn't wait 12 months in between pregnancies with a csection though. I think that it's just not enough time to heal if you expect to be pregnant again. I will wait 6 months minimum after any natural birth, and 9-12 months after a csection. I will need at least that much time to get my cycles going, feel comfortable enough to be pregnant again, and have my family alright again to do this. Surrogacy journeys aren't just about healing enough to be pregnant again, but it always takes a toll on the surro family... it's a lot of hard work to make a baby for someone else, especially if they don't live close enough to be there to experience it with you.

3. Do you get paid to do it? And if you don't but someone offered to pay would you accept if say it was the right person?

Yes, most people get paid well do to this. Most first time surrogates ask for a base fee [just for them to be pregnant] of $15k to $18k. Yep. that's right! That is before any other expenses like medical, travel, clothes or even food. I won't put what I'm doing this for, but, I can say that it doesn't even cover the pregnancy expenses, but it does come close. I'm not making any money off of this surrogacy. Next time I will be a little more generous to myself, but I won't be asking anywhere near what a second time surrogate asks, I won't even be asking anywhere close to what a first time surrogate asks... I do get hurt when people assume I'm in this for the money though, for those who didn't know this, I'm not getting paid for this, none of the money I am receiving comes to me, it is just gong toward pregnancy expenses like travel, medications, meals at the hospital when I'm there for appointments and a little bit of my food. That's it!

4. Is it hard knowing you're having a baby and it's not yours to keep when you leave the hospital?

I honestly feel like if anyone DOES feel like this after the birth... they should not become a surrogate again until they have seeked out some kind of counselling. I do not see these babies as my own, I have nothing prepared for them, I don't even think about their needs after birth beyond pumping for them. I am known as the "Auntie" and I will hopefully be a part of their lives, but I am quite done with having chidlren for myself. I think that it will feel good to know that I helped someone achieve parenthood without having to torture MYSELF with the routin of getting up all the time in the night etc. As a TS, these are GENETICALLY my babies, in my heart, they are my nieces/nephews. I think that I will feel relief, and joy when I get to leave without them haha Of course, I will be sad for awhile that I can't see them all the time, but as long as their parents keep in contact, keep me a part of their lives... then I couldn't be happier! I'll feel like I dodged a bullet hahahaha You know when you're late... and you're like omg... I better not be pregnant.. I do NOT want a baby...and then you take a test, it's negative, and then your period starts and you think OMFG THANK GOD? Yeah.. that'll be me after the papers are signed LOLMy 10 month old JUST started to sleep through the night... and I can not do that over again haha It may be hard to understand, but from the MOMENT I seen "PREGNANT" on that test, I automatically texted my IM and was like "YOU'RE PREGNANT! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!". I never even though, omg I'm pregnant! It was always their pregnancy!

I love questions, so keep them coming so that I can add them to here, and I'm going to vlog these tonight as well!