You know that blissful moment when you and your sweetheart have just shared a Valentine’s Day dinner complete with filet mignon, a dozen oysters and crème brûlée worthy of a Paris café? And then to top it all off, your Valentine gazes into your eyes and presents you with a beautiful, thoughtful ... set of jumper cables?

Cue the emotional deflation that imminently follows a truly horrific Valentine’s Day gift. If you’ve been, um, romantically challenged in past years, don’t let Feb. 14 turn into the proverbial cherry on top of an epically bad V-Day history. Steer clear of these gifts for your sweetie.

Exercise equipment

If you want a gift that says, “I love you, honey, but I also think you’re overweight,” then by all means, put a big red bow on that treadmill. But if you’re looking for a little more swooning and a little less fuming this year, leave the yoga mat and Jillian Michaels DVDs on the shelf.

New golf clubs (and other equally boring hobby supplies)

Your sweetie may be the next Phil Mickelson, but that doesn’t mean you have to use Valentine’s Day as the time to recognize it. Opt out of gifts that encourage some romantic time spent far, far apart. Valentine’s Day is about your relationship, not about your personal hobbies. And did the Tiger Woods debacle teach us nothing about the horrors that can ensue when a spurned woman has a set of clubs?

Annoying homemade coupon book

Yes, it’s adorable when your 7-year-old presents you with a homemade set of vouchers for free foot rubs, dandelion bouquets and vacuuming jobs. You know when it’s not adorable? When you’re 40-something-year-old spouse does it. Homemade gifts might seem nostalgic to you, but what they say to the recipient is, “I’m too cheap/careless/busy to find you a good gift.”

Whoopee cushions (and other hilarious gifts)

Your significant other may list “sense of humor” among your top attributes, but Valentine’s Day isn’t the time to let that side take the stage. Don’t turn your romantic Valentine’s Day date into an office white elephant party by presenting your amour with a gift that says, “I’m hilarious, right?” (Tip: You’re not.)

Anything on Feb. 15

It happens; you got held up at the office or had to meet a client for dinner. You couldn’t get to the store, and all the floral shops were booked when you tried to order a bouquet at 4:30 p.m. The one thing you do not want to give your sweetheart for Valentine’s Day is a gift on not Valentine’s Day. A Feb. 15 peace offering is just a sorry attempt to say, “Forgive me for putting everything in my life ahead of our romance.”

Sure, Valentine’s Day can be some tough terrain to navigate — especially if you’re in a new relationship or just generally bad at gifting. Just remember: The best Valentine’s Day gifts are personal and romantic. If you can describe your item of choice as “practical,” “useful,” “funny” or “made entirely of paper,” it’s best to leave that idea on the shelf (right next to the exercise equipment).