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6.7.13

A Transpiring Between Two Lovers, Part VI

6. Mamihlapinatapai The look shared by two people desiring to initiate something, but both are reluctant to start. Glassy eyes exchanging a willing yet timid look. Both wanting the same thing yet neither are willing to make the first step. You sit and wait and ponder whether the other person is thinking about you, whether the person is interested in you, and whether the individual will even say something. It is a common feeling yet it is one that is tied with so memories, experiences, and tales. But there is nothing as lovely as looking back when things took flight. Does he even like me? Does he think about me? I try to ask myself this as unbiased as possible, and I always come to the same answer: I just don't know anymore. I keep replaying the same scene over and over and over again, attempting to decipher any hidden emotions or meaning behind his words. I keep remember the time we met, how he smiled at me, how he laughed, how his eyes flicked, and the kind way he spoke to me. The memory is as vivid as though it was occurring at the present time. It was at a school event, in December, and I recall seeing him from the corner of my eye. There wasn't anything particularly eye-catching about him except for the fact that I remember his face from running into him a couple of times on campus. I recognize his face and I can recall his voice instantly. The energetic pitch he uses when he explains something he is passionate about, the kind and compassionate tone he has when he is talking and listening to someone, and the overall jubilant voice he has that is pleasant to the ears. I have begun to memorize his features, so to speak, for some particular reason. I would recall certain things about him that I wouldn't have otherwise thought important. Suddenly, I would remember seeing him on campus and being happy for the rest of the day. I didn't even realize the road I was going on until my roommate mentioned my habit of mentioning his name. When she coyly teased me about my affection towards him. On that particular December night, though, I can remember how my heart began racing at the very sight of him, when my cheeks began to fluster when I saw him coming in my direction, and inherently appearing approachable. He continued walking in my direction and I coyly gauged his eyesight, my heart nearly beating out of my chest, wondering if he was ever going to notice me. When he finally looked at me, his eyes locked on my frame, his shoulders perking at the sight of me. A slow smile crawled on his lips as I recognized his deliberate slowing down of pace while walking in my direction. He continued in my direction, my eyes refusing to falter. When he was within close eye sight, I saw his anxiety rising, slightly frightened and slightly elated, and the mixture of expressions in his eyes. I believe at this time I began to grin, although I cannot recall accurately since I was focused on the fact that he was walking towards me, hopefully wanting to talk to me. (Although, I've been told that I couldn't stop beaming.) He finally stopped walking and with his pearlescent teeth beaming at me with a low husky, "Hi." I tossed him an equally flirtatious greeting. I wish I could remember what we discussed; the main thing that I remember is that we talked for a good while. I can easily recall how he smiled warmly at me whenever I spoke, how he laughed heartily whenever I mentioning anything remotely funny, and how his eyes would remain on me the entire time we were together. His eyes never left mine and there was such a security in that; in knowing that he was fully paying attention. When the night came to a close and it was time to bid each other adieu, my stomach dropped and I could sense myself growing weary of his departure. He gave me such a warm and assuring smile that I immediately melted. He told me that this would certainly not be the first and only time we would see each other. I secretly hoped that would turn out to be true. I continued replaying this scene in my mind, searching for clues that would indicate whether or not he harbored any affection towards me. I kept asking myself why he would act so warm, so intentional, so interested if he wasn't. I rattled my brain for any other possibility that could explain his behavior towards me. More than that, I wanted to know if he liked me, if he knew just how much I wanted to be with him. Leaving myself with these thoughts for an extended period of time, I scolded myself for going down such avenues. It is possible that his behavior is linked to many things, none of them including affection and interest towards me. Slightly defeated and sad, I decided to take my mind of things with a film. Just as I was about to pick a cheesy romantic comedy, I heard the doorbell ring. That's strange, I thought, I wasn't expecting anyone and my roommate is out of town. I opened to the door and to my astonishment, he was standing in front of me, his face flustered. He seemed to be out of breath and appeared to be excited and anxious in a perplexing mixture. He gazed directly at me, his eyes piercing my soul. I attempted to think of all reasons as to why he was standing at the door, but none could prepare what he was about to say. "I like you. I really like you. I haven't stopped thinking about you since I met you. You haven't escaped my thoughts at all. If I'm awake or asleep, you're in mind and I'm asking you to rid me of this. Will you be my girlfriend?" My automatic response was yes. Finally. This is what I have been waiting for.