Why You Should Wear No Underwear Under Your Yoga Pants

Why should you wear no underwear under your yoga pants? So we can stop having absurd discussions about what kind of underwear you’re supposed to be wearing. Like this:

Amanda Marcotte at XX explains that women should not be wearing thongs under their yoga pants because another writer… mentioned women wearing thongs under yoga pants, off-handedly. She says:

[The writer says] “your thong” as if nothing is more suitable for exercising than wearing underwear specifically designed to slide between your butt cheeks and attack you at the slightest provocation. What kind of sexualized hell are these poor women living in that they can’t even give up porn-compliant underwear in order to keep their bodies lean and toned for future thong-wearing situations? I was under the impression that yoga was supposed to be a healthful activity, and yet here women are, contorting their bodies in a strap of fabric made to respond by straining painfully at your most sensitive bits. Yoga is supposed to be relaxing, and not reminiscent of a visit to the proctologist.

What kind of underwear do you think Amanda Marcotte wears to yoga? I mean that in a real way, not in a, “I am having sex thoughts about her” way. I guess it is comfortable, whatever it is. Maybe she wears boxer shorts because they seem like the most comfortable kind of underwear. Or bloomers! Does anyone wear bloomers anymore?

I doubt it.

I doubt bloomers even exist.

That is a shame. They were quirky.

I’ve never thought about underwear that much, but, okay! Yes! Yes, yoga is supposed to be more reminiscent of a visit to a chiropractor or a sleep doctor than a proctologist, depending on how you feel about yoga.

My choice to wear thongs has nothing to do with preventing panty lines or trying to be sexy either. It has everything to do with crotch sweat and frontal wedgies. Contrary to Marcotte’s belief, well-fitting cotton thongs do not slide or ride up your ass crack. If they do, then they’re not the right size. Whenever I’ve worn full-coverage underwear to work out however, they do ride up in the front and the back, the cotton gets wet with crotch sweat, clings to my vagina and distracts the hell out of me.

Well and good, Amelia! You can play this “putting on underwear” game however you want. But I have decided not to play the game at all. Basically no underwear of any kind is truly comfortable under yoga pants. All kinds of underwear – thongs or the cool float-y bloomers seemingly worn by women in a non-sexualized hell – sort of ride up and get in the wrong position. They just do.

That’s because you’re doing yoga.

Also, yoga pants are so soft they are like underwear. They’re essentially long underwear. The best reason to wear underwear under pants is that most pants are kind of rough down on that area, because they’re made of tough material. Not yoga pants! No, sir, not yoga pants! Yoga pants will never hurt you.

It’s also not as though anyone is going to borrow them (you sweat in them, and people already suspect you wear no underwear with them) and you are going to have to, mortified, reveal that you don’t wear underwear and it would be weird. While that might happen with normal pants, that is not something that will ever happen with yoga pants.

So skip the underwear the next time you go to yoga. Try it. See how it works out. Then try a thong. Then try bloomers. Then try showing up to yoga class with no pants on at all. Do whatever works for you.

I am going to buy some bloomers and wear them everyplace. Except yoga class. In yoga class there will be nothing.