"EVERYTHING I TALK ABOUT IS RELATED TO THE ONE TRUE RELIGION OF PLANET EARTH ... CHRISTIANITY!"

"Can I ask one question?"

"WHAT?"

"Why are you yelling at me?"

[At this point, were this a video, I'd insert some sort of random, opening title sequence here.]

"WHAT?"

"I said, why are you yelling at me?"

"I CAN'T HELP IT."

"You're yelling because you can't help it?"

"YES, THAT'S RIGHT. GOD BLESS YOU."

"That doesn't make any sense. And I didn't sneeze!"

"A PERSON DOESN'T HAVE TO SNEEZE IN ORDER TO BE BLESSED BY GOD, ASSY MCDUMBASS!"

"Um, okay. But that doesn't explain why you're yelling."

"I'M YELLING BECAUSE I'M A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST! MY FANATACISM TOWARDS CHRISTIANITY HAS BLINDED ME TO INTELLIGENT SELF-EDUCATION AND THEREFORE I HAVE NO ACTUAL FACTS TO BACK-UP ANYTHING I SAY ABOUT HOW GOD HATES HOMOSEXUALS AND HOW A MAN MUST BE STONED AND CASTRATED FOR EVEN THINKING OF A WOMAN WHO IS NOT HIS WIFE, BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER."

"Right. And so the yelling is because ..."

"WELL, I'M YELLING IN HOPES THAT MY SHEER VOLUME WILL INCAPACATATE YOUR ABILITY TO REALIZE THAT MY DEFENSE OF CHRISTIANITY IS ABOUT AS STRONG AS A FART IN A HURRICANE."

"... would you mind terribly if I ask another question?"

"SINCE I AM A CHRISTIAN, I AM OPEN TO ANY AND ALL QUESTIONS. MIND YOU, IF I DON'T AGREE WITH WHERE THE QUESTION IS COMING FROM IN THE FIRST PLACE, I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU LATER."

"Why are you telling me all of this? Doesn't admitting that you have no clue whatsover kind of ruin any and all chances of you winning an argument about religion?"

"WHAT?! GOD-DAMMIT! JESUS-FUCKING-CHRIST! YOU HEARD ALL OF THAT?? I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE TUNED OUT ALL THE YELLING BY NOW, YOU KNOW?"

Some people find it easier than others to accept the fact that not everything in the Bible is based on actual events. But there's still value in the "truth bearing myth" and what treasure as sacred stories. Watch the video and let us know what sacred stories are important to you.

This was originally posted April, 2009. Since then, many of the referenced links have died. As an additional note to brother and family: this isn't being reposted to antagonize, but instead to share my personal reasons for atheism.

And now for another installment of "I Read It So You Don't Have To!"

For some reason, my gut is telling me that this one's for Heather (but you can enjoy it, too, Obs! Also, I'm counting on Tripp to weigh-in with his perspective).

Jason (my brother) wrote a blog titled "Easter Bunny?" that was essentially taking on the inclusion of bunnies and chocolate in "Christian" celebration. I'll share with you the passage that made me decide to write this response:

"What gets me is how the Easter Bunny and company got hooked with the Resurrection of Christ. We were trying to make Christianity more appealing to the pagans. Rather than raising them up to our level, we sunk to theirs."

Essentially, Jason posits that Christianity=Good, Everything Else=Bad, and Easter Bunny=Satan Incarnate. So we're absolutely clear, the point of this response is claim that Religion=Intolerance, Religion=Narrow-minded fucktards, Religion=Blatant disregard for fellow human beings.

I don't much care for religion, can you tell?

The first gross inaccuracy that bothered me was Jason's labeling of everyone not Christian as pagan and everything that is not Christianity as Paganism. Also, since Christianity is the worship of the one "true" god, that paganism, by a Christian default, is the worship of Satan.

I really hope that Jason gets the opportunity to make that argument to a true, practicing Pagan, because he'll likely get punched in the nose. Not that I truly want him to get punched in the nose, but I imagine it would be an eye-opening experience. For him.

The actual definition of pagan is "rural, rustic, or of the country". Ironically, it was Christianity that "appropriated" the term to define heathenistic Satan-worshipers. (Which, again, if you don't worship God, according to the monotheistic religion that is Christianity, obviously you worship Satan and therefore are a pagan. Or something like that.) I say ironic because the man feels the need to find out what bunnies have to do with Easter, but will conveniently and completely ignore EVERYTHING ELSE about Christianity that makes no sense whatsoever. Like how Christians insist upon calling Pagans Satan-Worshipers.

So let's move on to the second part of his quote, where he talks about "sinking" to the pagans' level to make, um, their celebration more appealing ... to them? Yes, Jason also establishes that Easter is originally a "pagan" holiday that has nothing to do with Christianity whatsoever.

At this point, I'll observe that Jason's research is second-to-none and would really make, oh, I don't know, Rush Limbaugh proud. To find an explanation of the origins of Easter, he went to a website called "Got Questions", a religious publication that offered this charming nugget in explanation of Easter: "Originally, there were some very pagan (and sometimes utterly evil) practices that went along with the celebration."

Nothing like preaching to the choir, huh?

Okay, so I can't fault Jason for preaching to the choir himself (assuming that the only people he's targeting on his website are narrow-minded religious freaks--seriously, Tripp, am I way out in left field on any of this yet? or have I COMPLETELY offended the hell out of you?) but when exactly did Christianity become such an absolute religion?

This is my problem with religion (any of them, but we'll use Christianity as the example): belief in it mandates that it (Christianity) is right and that everything else is wrong. Well, apply that to every single denomination of every single religion in the entire world. If everyone's religion is the right religion, that makes everyone's religion the wrong religion, and the only truth about life, the universe, and everything can only be found in the microscopic muck of the dot on an ant's antennae.

This is the part that made me feel like this was for Heather. You don't get anywhere in life saying this is right and that is wrong, but learning to appreciate different point of views and why, in fact, people believe different things.

The only reason that Christianity is what it is today is because just after the dawn of the 1000's, people started running around and killing other people if they wouldn't convert to Christianity. There were nine crusades in nearly three hundred years, and they all served the same purpose, to be "religion-driven military campaigns waged by much of Christian Europe against external and internal opponents."

That's what pisses me off about Christianity. The people who so blindly and haphazardly follow it and readily denounce "everything else", they exhibit virtually no mental capability of posing the question: "why?" and are subsequently quick to completely ignore that their religion itself is no model of perfection either ... and, in fact, when you learn to appreciate the roots, it is just as disappointing as all of the rest.

I don't align myself to any religion other than that of "Why". Why do we say the things we say and why do we do the things we do? I will criticize a person for their religion, but they will forever have a pass for their faith. And for the believers who read this, religion is nothing more than a man-made construct that has summarily bastardized whatever true purpose your god has tasked you with.

And what does this all have to do with Easter and chocolate rabbits? Absolutely nothing. It's all a bunch hootananny and hogwash and if you believe in Why, it's a source of hilarity for you and if you believe in your faith, it hardly matters to you and if you believe in religion, well, you're fucked.

Go on, lemme have it.

Oh, and BTW—aside from own personal life experience in asking "why", these are the webpages I referred to in writing this:

In this episode, Tripp explores the metaphor of a donut. It's an interesting thought-process: it's the hole in the donut that makes it interesting, therefore it's what people (and things) ARE NOT that potentially make them interesting. Watch the video -- Tripp does a much better job putting it into words.

Krumbinism is the pursuit of enlightenment, creativity, and harmony among the voices in our heads.

#1

Religion is ridiculous. Therefore, it's about time that we establish a ridiculous religion.

#2

Religions like Christianity tell you to look inward and find the little man living in your heart who tells you the difference between right and wrong. Krumbinism preaches looking inward and finding the multiple personalities living in your own head, embracing them, and throwing a party in their honor. Embrace the crazy. Seriously.

#3

Humankind's greatest, innate ability is that of creationism. We possess inside ourselves the talent to form an idea and then to take that idea and manifest it into reality -- music, lyric, image, sound, story, gadget. Krumbinism states that in order for their to be harmony amongst the Egos (see Principle #2) all forms of creativity must be embraced and actively exercised.