You Really Can Change Your Reputation at Work

Do you ever feel that people have the wrong impression of you at work? Maybe you’ve been pegged as arrogant after you advocated for your project or as a pushover after a negotiation gone awry. How can you change others’ perceptions of you? Should you directly address the reputation you want to shake? Or should you focus your energy on changing your ways?

What the Experts SayIt can be frustrating when others don’t see us as we intend. “But we forget that we have so much more information about ourselves than other people do,” says Heidi Grant Halvorson, author of No One Understands You and What to Do About It. We also forget that nearly every action is open to multiple interpretations. Take the seemingly straightforward act of bringing someone a cup of coffee. You may intend it as a nice gesture but others might see it as the opening salvo in asking someone for a favor. Resist the urge to say someone’s understanding of the situation is mistaken, says Dorie Clark, author of Reinventing Youand Stand Out. “A person’s perception may be different from what you feel is the truth, but it’s not necessarily wrong,” she says. “It’s real for them, and the onus is on you, not them, to work to change the dynamic.” Here’s how to change your reputation at work.

Be upfront about the issueWhen you know you’ve made a poor impression, or you believe you are being unfairly branded, it can be useful to address the misperception head-on. If you think you may have offended a colleague, reach out to apologize. If you were late delivering two reports in a row, approach your manager to say you know it’s an issue and that it won’t happen again. “Naming the issue shows you are aware of it,” says Clark. It can also start the process of changing how you are perceived. Otherwise, “the negative association just keeps festering and strengthening in people’s minds,” she says. However, Grant Halvorson says, “You don’t always have to discuss the issue directly.” (See case #2 below). “But if there’s a sort of mea culpa involved, it’s often a good idea.”

Don’t get defensiveIf you do address the misperception directly, make sure not to get angry or cast aspersions. “You can’t go into the conversation saying, ‘You know, I think from our last encounter, you see me like a jerk, and I’m not,’” says Grant Halvorson. “You’re basically accusing them of getting you wrong.” Instead, accept that they feel a certain way about you and apologize if necessary. Then pour your energy into building a standing that you think is more reflective of your actual self.

Look for opportunities to work togetherJust saying you aren’t a pushover isn’t going to do it, nor is standing up for yourself once. “One time being nice is not enough to override an initial impression of you being arrogant,” says Grant Halvorson. You have to provide evidence to the contrary—the more often, the better. “Frequency is your friend,” she says. A smart way to achieve this, especially if you don’t regularly encounter the person you are trying to convince, is to volunteer to work with them. Not only do you have more opportunities to change their mind, the person is more motivated to soften their stance toward you. “When they have to work closely with you, it is in their self-interest to pay very close attention to you and who you are,” says Clark. Grant Halvorson agrees. “They think, ‘If I am going to succeed, I need you to work well with me,’ and that really gets people motivated” to open their minds, she says.

Go above and beyondIt can be tough to change people’s minds so when your reputation is on the line, “you have to overdeliver,” says Clark. If you have a reputation for showing up late to work, “getting into the office at 9:01 AM is a problem,” because you are proving people’s assumptions right. Instead, you need to get there at 8:45. If you believe you offended someone with an offhanded comment, you have to be especially vigilant about watching your tongue. And if your boss thinks you’re the meekest participant in meetings, you need to now offer up frequent, thoughtful contributions. “You have to recast yourself and perhaps play dramatically against type,” says Clark. “But over time, once people’s perceptions begin to shift, you can migrate back toward the center where it feels more comfortable.”

Find common ground“Finding common ground gets the other person to start thinking of ‘us’ rather than ‘them,’” says Clark. “They will be far more receptive to listening to you and to taking in whatever you say.” The shared trait can be relatively inconsequential: Living in the same neighborhood, wearing the same brand of shoes, or being a dog lover. “People will sort of unconsciously re-categorize you” when they believe you both have something in common, says Grant Halvorson. “They’ll think, ‘we want the same things and we have the same goal.’ And we automatically have a much more positive attitude toward people that are in our ‘in’ group.”

If you don’t feel you are making much headway with someone, another strategy is to ask that person for advice. “The person usually feels flattered,” says Clark, “and it changes the dynamic because you’re making yourself vulnerable to them.”

Have patienceDon’t expect results overnight. “If you want to know how long it will take changing someone’s perception, Grant Halvorson follows this rule of thumb: “Longer than you want it to.” It depends of course on many factors, including how extreme the difference between the impression you gave and the impression you want to impart, and how many opportunities you have to make your case. “The stronger the impression, the longer it’s going to take to change,” she says. Clark says to give yourself a few months. But don’t let that discourage you. “Just think: If you begin now, you can begin to start turning the tide,” she says.

Principles to Remember:

Do:

Address the issue head on, especially if you were in the wrong.

If you want a more positive impression to stick in someone’s mind, you have to offer it up repeatedly.

Look for characteristics you share with the person. Common ground will help soften their stance.

Don’t:

Accuse the person of being wrong about you. Their perception is their perception, and it’s up to you to help “correct” it.

Avoid working with the person. The more you’re in front of them, the better.

Expect people to change their minds on a dime. Shifting someone’s perception often takes time.

Case study #1: Addressing the misperception with a mea culpaArvin Sahakian, a real estate broker, was rushing to finish a database project on deadline when a colleague called to ask if he could help him figure out a problem with Excel. Immersed in the project at hand, Arvin abruptly hung up the phone and rushed over to the colleague’s desk, where he wordlessly showed him how to fix the problem, pushed save, and walked back to his desk. “I wasn’t paying attention to how he would perceive the situation,” Arvin says. ”I was just trying to get him rolling so I could get back and continue doing my thing.”

A few days later, Arvin heard from another coworker that their colleague had assumed Arvin was annoyed by him, and that the colleague was now afraid to approach him to ask for more help. That afternoon, Arvin approached the colleague during a break and apologized for his brusque behavior, saying that he had simply been distracted and in a rush. “I told him to feel free to approach me anytime,” he says, suggesting that sending an email or an internal instant message would be the best way to get his attention in the future. “It really kind of cleared the air.”

The two had a very good working relationship from there on out. “Sure enough, our interactions after that worked fine,” says Arvin. “He’d ask me a question via email, and I would type back real quickly, ‘See you in 10 minutes.’ We kind of figured out how to communicate.”

Arvin, now a vice president for the online mortgage marketplace BeSmartee, says that the encounter made him much more conscious of how short and seemingly benign encounters might come across to colleagues. Even when we are distracted by our own pressures, “it’s important to remember we are all just people working with other people,” he says, “and maintaining healthy relationships with them matters.”

Case study #2: Giving 110% Apryl DeLancey was working as a data insights manager at a large advertising agency when the new department head put her in charge of a major data project. But the transition to her new leadership position didn’t go smoothly. “There was a person who decided she didn’t like me for whatever reason,” says Apryl. “I would catch her rolling her eyes or shaking her head, or doing silly little things behind my back. I later found out she made sure to tell all of the new hires that I was incompetent and conceited.”

Apryl soon noticed that the members of her team weren’t giving her information she needed or meeting deadlines. She decided she wouldn’t get anywhere telling her detractors she was capable; she had to prove it by putting in 110%. “It was challenging, but I just stuck to my methods and did my work,” she says. “I kept doing my job and doing it well, and eventually I won over the team with my persistence and professionalism.”

In one instance, she partnered with one of the new members of the team on a small project. In the course of working closely together, the colleague — a good friend of the rumor spreader — could see that Apryl’s reputation as a poor worker wasn’t true. “She saw my work ethic up close and how I treated people and the job,” Apryl says. “And she apologized for making things difficult for me.”

“I’ve always believed if you do good work and you put good out there, good will come back to you,” she says. “I learned that if you do your job and be a leader, others will take note.”

Carolyn O’Hara is a writer and editor based in New York City. She’s worked at The Week, PBS NewsHour, and Foreign Policy. Follow her on Twitter at @carolynohara1.