Having a sense of home is vital to my life. It is what keeps me mentally and physically stable and allows me to use my intellect and creativity freely. It is a place where I can move about comfortably and return without fear. It is the perfect place to nurture my Self and to rejuvenate and heal the stresses and tribulations the process of living throws my way. This story is about my quest for a safe home at mid-life.

For me, home is more than a structure, an address, a residence or a place to go when there is nowhere else to go. It is more than the decorations and somewhere to pour time, effort and money to make it perfect. It is only partly physical, although I do enjoy a beautiful environment. I enjoy clean tidy spaces with natural light and a sense of being able to live without fear of hurting the decor. Relaxed comfort is my style.

Emotional components are a very important part of what makes a place feel like home. Having people I love share my space is a vital component but not mandatory. Sharing with my dog Pickles has been wonderful.

It has been said that home is where the heart is. I believe home is where the heart can be open and loving and a sense of security is enjoyed. It must be a refuge, where the cares of the outside world can be ignored. It must not be a place of fear and abuse.

Home is where I am able to put down my roots and grow into the fullness of my potential. I must have a sense of control and be able to feel competent.

I love to have my memorabilia, photographs and souvenirs on display. Smiling faces of loved ones framed in various shapes and sizes and mounted photographs of scenery that remind me of my adventures, all help to give me a sense of home. Being reminded of my life experiences over and over, as I look about my home brings contentment. I also enjoy seeing the rewards of my efforts in my garden.

The more freely I can move through the processes in my life, the deeper will be my sense of home. A place where I have dealt with my emotions, experienced love and joy, and grown in wisdom and strength is worthy of being called home.

Growing up in Mississauga when there were cows across the unpaved road, trees to climb and snow banks too high to see over, I had many experiences that linger in my memories. My first home was a safe place for me to live and grow. It has been gone for many years. The house was sold and torn down after my parents died. I moved from home to one apartment after another then from one house to another. The quest to create a safe and happy home for me and my family has been part of my life.

I like to apply the learning I have received as a marriage and family therapist to my life. My process of personal growth and accomplishment can be used by my readers to grow and accomplish their goals in their own lives. By setting target and intentionally following a process, change can occur more quickly than if we are hoping to be rescued or to happen upon solutions to the problems we face. Without purpose and goals, changes may never be accomplished.

Come along with me as I tell you of my travels through my emotional, physical and intellectual journeys to find a safe home to be my authentic Self, to be the essence of My Holy Grail.

In the story you are about to read, I lose my sense of safety and security. I confront lies and deception and face threats I never imagined possible. In my search for a safe home I recognized that no matter how hard I tried, some things are out of my control. By admitting that I have been wounded and revealing my struggles, I show the path to recovery is possible even though it takes many years and a great deal of work. While through my revelations I may be laying the groundwork for my own destruction, I feel the risk is worth the rewards.

I open my life experiences to my readers as I am not ashamed of my life. I have done the best I can do given my skills and the situations I have faced. Looking back from twenty years after this story begins, I see that I might have done things differently. By considering the roads I didn't take I can speculate on different possible outcomes. I know that at each fork in the road I made decisions that contributed to the consequences that followed.

I still have choices and will continue to have more in the future. By knowing how I make decisions, and how relationships can work, I can avoid some pitfalls, see the problems in situations and learn how to repair what is broken. I hope that by knowing my story readers will see more choices in their own lives.

This is my story. Other people will have their version of the same events. This is coloured with my belief system and my reality. I have tried to allow my children, family members and friends as much privacy as is possible while still telling my tale in a way that helps my reader understand and learn from my process. I also hope my ideas can be adapted into the lives of those who travel with me.