Hot Pockets Pulled as Part of Massive Beef Recall

Remember that giant beef recall we reported last week? Did you happen to muse about where that 8.7 million pounds of "diseased and unsound" cow parts might have ended up?

Well, some of it made its way into Hot Pockets! (That thud you just heard was every stoner in L.A. fainting.)

Glendale-based Nestle is voluntarily recalling two of its Hot Pockets products: Philly Steak and Croissant Crust Philly Steak and Cheese in certain sizes. The Hot Pockets were distributed nationwide. For the complete list of recalled products, click here.

Nestle says its Hot Pockets may have been "affected" by the meat recall by Rancho Feeding Corp. Rancho was forced to pull its products after regulators said the company processed diseased and unhealthy animals. The USDA says the meat was "unsound, unwholesome or otherwise unfit for human food."

Nestle says a small quantity of meat from Rancho was used at a Chatsworth production facility "devoted entirely to Hot Pockets." In a statement, Nestle says the Rancho recall "affects many companies. Our teams at Nestlé have reviewed our vendor records and have determined that one Nestlé brand has been impacted by the Rancho meat recall."

Nestle says consumers who may have purchased the affected batches of Hot Pockets should return them to the place of purchase for a full refund or contact Nestlé Consumer Services at (800) 392-4057. And the company "apologize[s] to our retail customers and consumers." Thanks, Nestle. And thanks for checking your records. We're sure we can trust all other companies who might have purchased the Rancho meat to put consumer safety over profits and do so as well.

No illnesses have been reported from the Rancho meat, although it was a Class 1 recall, meaning it was a big effing deal, to use the legal term.

Since there's no telling where the rest of that disgusting beef ended up, no one will blame you if you stick to soyrizo for a while.