When we fully accept and understand the impact our mindset has on what happens in our lives, the next logical step is the awareness that when we purposefully choose thoughts that reflect what we truly want, we in effect are creating what happens in our lives.

This knowledge has spread worldwide. Millions of people are deliberately, through their power to choose positive thoughts, changing their lives. Some are focusing on better jobs, increased financial wealth or finding that special person to share life with, while others are seeking an overall improvement to the quality of their life. As we learned through Oprah's example in the video clip, she became awakened to the power of positive thinking when she determined she wanted to star in the movie "The Color Purple".

The way in which we relate to our children has everything to do with how we see our role in their lives as their parent. Most of us carry with us certain ideas and thoughts about parenting based on the way our parents raised us. Good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative…we simply carry on what we learned from watching our parents and grandparents without much conscious thought.

What I am referring to is what I have coined your "parenting mindset".

We know that when we want to attract a new job, we must clear our mindset of negative thinking that will interfere and block the attracting and allowance of what we desire. In other words, if we say we want a better job, with better pay and better benefits and then constantly tell ourselves that we will never find the kind of job we are looking for and even if we do, we most likely won't get it because there are so many other people looking for a better job, the chances of bringing a new job into our reality is pretty slim at best.

The same principles applies to our parenting journey. If we say we want a loving, cooperative, respectful relationship with our children and then scream at them when they do something we feel is inappropriate, our desire for a cooperative respectful relationship goes unfulfilled. On the other hand, if we act and speak in a loving and respectful way to our children, they in turn will be cooperative and respectful as well.

Something I often quote on Face Book and Twitter is

"If you see parenting as a difficult job, then it will be. If you see parenting as an amazing opportunity to nurture and guide a new soul, then it will be."

Just as there are beliefs and ideas that limit our potential to have the job, money or life partner we desire, there are also beliefs and ideas that interfere with the parenting experience we want to share with our children.

If you want your children to be respectful, you must respect them.

If you want your children to be trust you, you must trust them.

If you want your children to be considerate, you must be considerate toward them.

If you want your children to listen to you, you must listen to them.

If you want your children to honor their individuality, you must honor your individuality.

If you want your children to love themselves, you must love yourself.

If you want your children to be cooperative, you must be cooperative.

If you want your children to love life, you must love life.

And more often than not, the beliefs that block our desires are buried in our subconscious mind, far from our everyday awareness. It is for this reason, it is imperative that we examine our 'parenting mindset' to be sure what we are passing on to our children truly reflects our intended goal of what is in their best interest.

Have you ever tried to swim across a river with a swift moving current? At first glance it just looks like a normal body of water and so you jump in with the intention of crossing to the other side… only to find that something is pulling you in a different direction. You find yourself moving in a direction that does not reflect your intention. Something below the surface of the water is much more powerful than what you intended. That is how your beliefs buried in your subconscious mind control what happens in your life. You consciously want and intend one thing and yet in reality something quite different occurs.

However, when we look a bit closer at the body of water we want to cross, we can see the movement of the water is affected by a current below the surface that will affect our ability to get to the other side. That doesn't mean we can't cross as we intended, it only means that we must understand how the current is flowing and then make the necessary adjustments to successfully cross. Understanding this, we know we must swim downstream to allow for the power of the current so that we will end up where we want to go.

It is the same with our ideas and beliefs. Consciously we know what we want as parents. We want our children to be in a position to live the life they were born to create, to be the best they can be. And yet, as we experience our role as a parent in their lives, we feel as though we are going in a direction that is not what we intended. What we are experiencing is being over-powered by what lies beneath our conscious mind in our subconscious mind. And just as we took a closer look a the water in the stream and subsequently made adjustments to compensate for the power of the underwater current, we must take a closer look at those thoughts, ideas and beliefs beneath our conscious mind and make the necessary adjustments so that we can raise our children with the confidence that what we are passing on to them is a true reflection of what we truly want.

An example of this happened to a coaching client of mine. Janet grew up in a family that did not talk openly about their feelings toward one another. Feelings were assumed. She assumed her parents loved her although they rarely spoke the words. When Janet became a mother, without conscious awareness, she followed in her parents footsteps and was not forthcoming with verbal expressions of love for her children.

When her daughter reached the pre-teen years and began displaying the natural tendencies of becoming independent she found it difficult to handle the emotional outbursts that often accompany the teen years. She spoke to the pastor at her church and he arranged a meeting with Janet and her daughter. Janet was completely taken a back when her daughter blurted out that she didn't know for sure if her mother loved her.

Janet had been an exemplary parent…minus the fact that she never verbalized her feelings of love. When it was brought to her attention, Janet realized that she had simply carried on what she had learned from her parents, that feelings are to be assumed rather than spoken. Of course Janet loved her daughter very much, but her daughter needed to hear the words and it wasn't until the meeting with their pastor did she realize how important it was for her daughter.

Janet needed to examine why she hadn't been verbally expressive. She had to replace the subconscious belief that feelings are assumed, thus not spoken and then follow up by choosing to express her feelings for her daughter in order to improve their relationship.

Janet was inadvertently passing on a belief that interfered with having the relationship she desired with her daughter.

Even the most well-rounded, highly educated and otherwise seemingly successful people have ideas and beliefs buried in their subconscious mind that affect their parenting experience. To be the best parent, you must first be the best YOU!

Denny Hagel is a child advocate and parent coach, devoting over 25 years to the success and well being of all children. She is the published author of over 150 articles on parenting, several of which have attracted international attention.

Denny was blessed with forward thinking parents who raised her with an understanding of her value as an individual, her innate power to choose by way of her thoughts, ideas, opinions and beliefs, thus, instilling in her a strong sense of personal responsibility for what happens in our lives

She is the founder of Awakened Parenting LLC, a company dedicated to helping parents release parenting paradigms of the past and consciously choose to raise their children to approach life with a positive mindset and strong sense of self. It is Denny’s passion to combine what she learned through her formal education in early childhood education and psychology and what her parents instilled in her and pass this on to all parents.

Wow, Denny. What a powerful argument for conscious parenting! I know it’s your creed, and I know that you’re getting that message out, one step at a time. Whatever you do, don’t stop!

http://twitter.com/SusanMcKenzieWY Susan McKenzie

Hi Denny, Oprah’s story of getting in “The Color Purple” movie is something to really consider… this Law of Attraction… I appreciate how she says it is only one of many laws. Just this morning I was thinking how powerful our subconscious mind is and how busy at work it is below the surface 24/7… and how it governs even our physical bodies. As I considered that, I realized I take it so much for granted and by doing so, I allow it to run without proper “programming” from my conscious mind. Although I know better, I still allow negative thoughts to run their pre-programmed operations in my life…. but at least it’s getting better! Thank you for bringing this down to where it really matters most… right into the family unit, the stuff of every day life! I love your thoughts, articles and writing, Denny!

http://www.thechoicedrivenlife.com Olga

Great post Denny. Did you know there is a law of lift, it works the same as the law of gravity; everything in this world will go down or get bad if we just let it. But if we nurture it and speak positive it will get better. If our thoughts are positve and we speak positive, the law of lift will get to work for us and lift our life to higher levels. It is phenominal! There is much to say about this; I love the way you teach parents these principles like the law of attraction; it takes work but it is well worthed! Thanks Denny

Denny

YOU always “lift” me Olga! Your kind words mean so much as I value your input more than you know!

Denny

Susan you always share the most amazing insights…I love how very “real” you are with who you are, where you are going, and where you intend to be…you are such a special soul and I am so grateful to have connected with you and call you friend. Blessings

Denny

Thanks Sharon, much of what inspires me is people like you who I respect so much, continuously supporting and encouraging me!

Joanie McMahon

Just love Oprah. So glad you brought her into your blog. She is good energy along with all you offer Denny.

http://www.uncommongeneration.com Claudia Looi

Awesome, awesome, Denny. This parenting mindset..not to be missed by parents.

Your quote”If
you see parenting as a difficult job, then it will be. If you see
parenting as an amazing opportunity to nurture and guide a new soul,
then it will be.” I totally agree with this and believe it is a privilege to have children.

http://twitter.com/thekidscoach Naomi Richards

Great blog as usual. The parenting mindset I interpret as being in the zone with your children and this I think is really important so you recognise where they are coming from and going to. Great video. Oprah is always enlightening and full of wisdom. Denny fab stuff!

Fabulous points Denny. As I read and wondered about the kid, loved, respected and turned out rebellious, gets married and gets choked by the controlling wife and he doesn’t see it. Sad that weak people can become prey to those with outward beauty –not inward. Just love to reflect on what you share. Like me looking inside myself sometimes even though my kids are grown – I am still a parent.

http://www.ad-virtualassistance.com Anastasiya Day

Great article, Denny! Our children and teenagers are watching everything we do.
“If you raise your children to feel
that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will
have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the
greatest of all blessings.” B.Tracy

Denny

Thanks Anastasiay! Love that quote, I have used it in several of my publications…it says it all doesn’t it?!

Denny

How true that is Carol…regardless of the age of our children, we are always their parents and they are always our babies!:)

Denny

Great insight to what I refer to as the “parenting mindset”! I would also add that your parenting mindset encapsulates your view of your role in your child’s life as well as whether or not your approach to parenting produces your desired results. For example, a parent understanding that if they want their children to BE respectful they must respect their children would be considered to have a healthy parenting mindset. Thanks for commenting!

Denny

Thanks for commenting Claudia! It truly is an honor to be blessed with a front row seat to the amazing and glorious journeys of these wonderful souls!

Denny

Thanks Joanie, Oprah has made an amazing impact on all of those she has touched!

http://www.ad-virtualassistance.com Anastasiya Day

I agree – it says it all. Great post, Denny!

http://imdebtfree.net Cheree Miller

Denny, this is a terrific article! My “take aways” are that we all think we are going to do a better job than our parents did when it’s our turn, and amazingly enough we end up doing many of the same things because that was what was modeled to us. The other is the effects of negativity — not just from our subconscious — but that is being modeled to us and our children every day in advertising, television, movies, etc. It is so important to focus on positive, loving, supportive relationships instead of the dysfunctional messes that are “celebrated” in the media. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Prov 18:21) We need to speak life over our children’s lives. Thanks again. Your website is a blessing.

"Just received Mini-Me Syndrome and can't believe I have been guilty of exactly what you describe. I consider myself a conscious parent and yet I never realized how I was sabotaging my kids. Thanks Denny for writing this."
~Donna Brenker

"Mini Me Syndrome contains vital information that will supplement every parent's desire to provide their children with the best foundation upon which to grow and create a great future for themselves.

Author Hagel describes the importance of awareness; awareness of ourselves and the ways in which we pass along the beliefs we hold regarding our own, or the world's limitations. We all do this, not only to our children but to our friends and other family members as well. Denny suggests specific ways that we can identify this in ourselves and alternatives that we can easily use to circumvent passing these same limiting patterns along to our kids.” ~ James Andrews, author of “The MindTech Principle”

“Mini-Me Syndrome shares with the reader the secret to giving your children the life they want to live. And surprise…it all starts with you, the parents. By helping to give your child high self-esteem and a positive attitude at a young age, you as parents can help your child achieve all they want to and to be the person that they desire to be.

Positive mental awareness is a learned trait and this book helps you understand the basics behind it. Denny Hagel shares with you, in easy to understand language, the 6 tips on how to avoid the “Mini-Me Syndrome” from showing up in your life and that of your child. Remember, as she says “Choice is what determines who we are and what we will achieve.”

All parents and grandparents need to read this information filled e-book. The future of your child may just depend on it. Mini-Me Syndrome made me think about how we are raising my eleven year old son.”~Philip Nork

“The information presented in Mini-Me Syndrome blew me away! NEVER had I ever realized how the innocent comments we make as parents can have such an impact on our children. I am so grateful for this awareness. Thank you!” ~Gwen Roberts

“Amazing! As a result of Mini-Me Syndrome I have become mindful of the way my husband and I talk to our boys. Seeing them as individuals is already showing results in how they get along with each other. We are definitely enjoying the peaceful atmosphere in our home!”~Jill Aiken

I encourage everyone to take advantage of this free e-Book. The information in "Becoming an Awakened Parent"has encouraged me to really think about what I want for my children. I have a clear idea now of how to help them be successful. ~Tracy Halley

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LOOK WHO'S TALKING

"Wow, Denny. This is great. It makes such good sense to make them think about what they want and why they want it. I sure wish someone would have guided me to critical thinking and decision making as a young girl, perhaps it wouldn't be so difficult today. Thanks for putting this out there for our parents of today, good stuff for our leaders of tomorrow." ~Carla Gardiner

"Denny, this is a great example of helping our children operate in their true identity, going against the common current of peer dependency. I can't help but wonder what it would be like if we all raised our children (and were raised this way ourselves) without control, fear, and shame - the three most common motivators and effects. Thank you for speaking up for the next generation!"~Susan McKenzie

"Hi Denny, Wish I had read this 30 years ago when I was raising my 4 children! They ultimately did turn out to be wonderful, loving, and amazing adults who now all have children of their own. Your information is timeless and I can continue to use it with my Grandchildren. Thanks!"~Carol Douthitt

"Denny, thank you so very much for giving me tools to be a better parent..! It's obvious how much you care....."~Dr Scott

"Denny ... Where were you 50 years ago ...??? I was brought up in a dictatorship and it totally colored all of my relationships for a very long time. I don't have any children of my own, but I was responsible for managing lots of people from diverse backgrounds, so I can totally relate to what you wrote here. Only when I moved from "it's my way or the highway" to "let's work on this together and give me feedback on what is going on for you" was I able to create cohesive, top-performing teams. The residue of childhood goes with all of us for a long time. Excellent info !!"~Rose Mis