A Leg to Stand On

At 13, Yitzy Haber decided to have his cancerous leg amputated. He's never looked back.

Yitzy Haber is the kind of guy you’d want to be stuck with on a broken elevator. Infectiously upbeat, he has a knack for making the best of every situation. He’s had a lot of practice.

In the suburbs of Jersey, Yitzy was a typical boy. He loved the Mets, model airplanes and playing sports. Despite a stout physique, he was the fastest runner in his class. He had a thick, unruly mop of dark, wavy hair, and an irresistible smile that charmed him out of many a mishap. Life was good.

But during little league practice when Yitzy was 11, he suddenly felt pain in his right leg. When it worsened, doctors put him on crutches, thinking perhaps one leg was growing faster than the other. Then came more tests and X-rays. Finally, boy and parents received the diagnosis: cancer. He had osteosarcoma — one of the most common bone cancers in children.

He knew his mother was upset by the mascara streaking her face. But he didn’t take it too seriously; what did he know about cancer? “I thought I’d maybe have a week off of school, lying in bed, watching TV, popping a couple pills,” says Haber, now a trim, bearded 30 year old who still wears an irrepressible grin. But nothing could prepare him for what was to come: multiple surgeries, and a year of chemotherapy and all its side effects — hair loss, excessive vomiting, infections. Throughout the ordeal, he and his family were kept afloat by support from their Teaneck, NJ community, and from Chai Lifeline, an international organization that provides countless services for children with cancer and their families at no cost.

“Chai Lifeline paid for tutors, and they had visitors coming round the clock,” Yitzy remembers. “They provided social workers for me and for my parents, who were going through torture,and even for my siblings. My brother was only six and no one thought he understood what was happening. Then he asked the social worker, ‘Is Yitzy going to die?’”

Yitzy’s treatment, meanwhile, was anything but clear; an allograft (donor bone), more surgeries, more infections, pins, rods. He felt like a puppet. The doctor gave the now 13 year old three choices: insert another allograft from the knee down, leaving his entire leg straight forever; replace his knee and bone with a metal knee and rod, which would leave him at a high risk of infection and require more surgeries to replace the implants as he grew (and which could easily crack, severely limiting any normal boy-action); or amputation from above the knee down. Yitzy’s parents left the decision up to him.

"At that point I became really focused on being happy, even without a leg. I’ve never looked back.”

“I decided on the amputation. I wanted to be able to dance, to play sports. I wanted to be normal.”

Making such a momentous decision was one thing; the shock of waking up one day without his leg, quite another.

“I remember clearly the last time I had my leg. And then not having it,” he recounts. “I can’t even describe the feeling — it was just a shock. But then, in the cancer ward, I saw this gloomy, depressed woman in a wheelchair, and I thought, if you walk around like that, for sure you’re going to die. But if you’re happy, I told myself, your body will want to fight it, and you’ll win. I had always been upbeat, but at that point I became really focused on being happy, even without a leg. I’ve never looked back.”

Of course, all the optimism and determination in the world couldn’t begin to erase the countless challenges. For years Yitzy experienced phantom sensations where his leg once was — from the benign, as if he was wiggling his toes, or an inexplicable itch on a part of his leg he could not locate, to the excruciating, with a searing ache where his calf or ankle once was. The phantom pain has mostly disappeared, but to this day, if he trips in a way that would have caused a sprained ankle, he’ll automatically start limping. “But now,” he says, “I can tell myself that it doesn’t hurt, that there’s no ankle there, and I can stop myself from limping.”

As an adolescent, Yitzy had to begin the arduous process of learning to walk anew, and even how to fall “right,” so he wouldn’t hurt himself. Through it all, he found ways to amuse himself and others. At Chai Lifeline’s Camp Simcha, a free two-week camp-extravaganza in the Catskills for kids with cancer, the mischievous Yitzy loved putting one over on his bunkmates. “I would say, ‘Whoever can put one foot on the floor and one foot on the ceiling at the same time is the head of the bunk,’” he recalls. “They’d all try it and fall over, and then I’d take off my prosthesis and touch the ceiling. I still use that one.”

I gave them hope and that gave me strength.

Yitzy spent five summers at Camp Simcha and eventually became a counselor, learning how much he actually had to offer others. “I had been on the taking side for so long, and it was an amazing feeling to finally be on the other side,” he says. “I knew from real-life experience the living nightmare these kids were going through. I could see that I really made a difference to them, and I gave them hope. And that gave me strength, too.”

As Yitzy grew into a strapping young man, he began thinking about marriage. His parents were concerned — would there be a woman who would accept him? But he never worried. “Maybe I was just naïve, but I never thought it would be an issue, and I had my share of dates. Then again, maybe no one wanted to be known as the girl who turned down the one-legged guy,” he says with a wink. Now married with two young children, his leg — or lack thereof — has never presented a problem. “My older son will say, ‘Daddy, put on your leg so we can play.’ They don’t have a point of reference for anything different.”

With the help of his parents, grandparents and others, Yitzy had finally built a full life for himself. But there was more tragedy to come. When he was 20, his mother, Deena Haber, whom he credits with keeping his family together during the worst of his crisis, became sick — with cancer. She had taught Yitzy to appreciate every moment, and now she lived that way throughout her own personal ordeal. One day, he came home from yeshiva and he found her eating a huge ice cream sundae, with sprinkles, chocolate syrup, even a cherry. “I asked her, ‘What’s the occasion?’ And she said, ‘It’s my year anniversary of still being alive.’ She meant it. She really celebrated her life.” After battling the illness for three years, Deena died a year after Yitzy’s wedding.

In many ways, the physical challenges of losing a leg to cancer have been simpler than the emotional. It can be tough relating to those who have never been through any kind of life-changing trauma. “When we first got married, sometimes it was hard for me to understand some of the things my wife got upset about,” he relates. “I didn’t see the big deal. Or when my friends were dating, and one would say that he wouldn’t go out with someone because she had red hair. I couldn’t believe how superficial people could be, how petty.” Many cancer survivors have a difficult time adapting to life after, and Yitzy is now involved with a new support group through Chai Lifeline, or, as he calls it, a “post-treatment-figure-things-out group.” He does what no social worker can — he offers a living example. “When someone is scared, and says to me, ‘How will I ever get married?’ or ‘How will I ever fit in?’ I encourage them; I show them it’s possible.”

Yitzy is not only determined to nurture and cherish the joy in his own life, he is relentlessly driven to awaken that joy in others. Or, as he puts it, “to get a laugh or a smile, no matter what it takes.” And he’s not joking. He turned an interest in magic that he developed when he was sick, into a high school hobby entertaining at birthday parties, into a profession, and now works about 100 bar mitzvahs a year as a brightly clad “motivational dancer,” encouraging tweens (and otherwise lethargic adults) to get up and celebrate. He parlayed his innate charisma and physicality into doing exactly the thing that nourishes his body and spirit.

“I think all of us, if we look hard enough, can see the good in what happens to us,” says Yitzy, his ever-present smile momentarily fading. “I didn’t love throwing up, or the surgeries, or losing my leg — but if I had to do it all again to guarantee I’d be where I am now, I would do it. It’s not that I consciously think ‘I had cancer so now I’m going to appreciate life,’ but that is what I’ve internalized. I never asked ‘why me.’ It just was me, so now deal with it.

“I have a dream about building a giant, magic one-way mirror. Anyone who is upset about something small — their kid didn’t say please, or their house isn’t perfect — would look in the mirror and see a person like themselves whose life has been turned upside down due to illness or an accident. To make them see and appreciate how much they really have, and how things can change in an instant. If I had a dream, that would be it.”

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 28

(27)
Joyce,
November 19, 2017 2:06 AM

Truly a remarkable person.

(26)
Sara Englander,
October 7, 2013 6:18 PM

Yitzy you are amazing!

Thanks for this most beautiful and inspiring article you have taught me always look at the bright side even when life seems tough. If you could do it when you had a life threatening illness than anyone could. This proves the point it is not what one has but what one does with it. The attitude that counts!

(25)
Esti,
October 6, 2013 10:31 PM

Amazing and inspiring. It would be great to have a mirror to help us all appreciate how much we have , to be optimistic , have EMUNAH and a positive giving attitude. Also to see that a shidduch can look past what's missing and focus on the good . How did she do it.

(24)
Shelley Israel,
October 6, 2013 6:53 PM

Is there an e-mail to contact Rabbi Yitzy Haber? Does he go on speaking tours? I work with teens and would love for them to meet Rabbi Haber.Thank you!

Anonymous,
October 8, 2013 2:30 AM

contact for Yitzy Haber

I am pretty sure you can contact him at yitzyhaber@yahoo.com

(23)
robert lunzer,
July 26, 2011 8:38 PM

PROUD TO HAVE GROWN UP WITH YOU

Yitz, I / we are so grateful that things worked out well for you. Keep on smiling .
All the Best
The Lunzer's from Englewood, NJ

(22)
Julie Z. Rosenberg,
December 20, 2010 7:02 PM

Great article, Andrea. Thanks for sharing. And Yitzy, what an inspiration you are! My son wears a foot brace and wrist splint and he thinks they're the coolest thing ever (probably helps that we named them "Jets Championship Foot Brace and Super Splint). He will be six years old next month, and I truly hope he can hold onto his wonderful attitude in the years to come. - Julie Z.

(21)
Rafi Hecht,
December 12, 2010 3:28 AM

You're the best!

Yitzy,
It's been some time since we last were in contact. It's wonderful that your story has served as an inspiration for others. Kol HaKavod!

(20)
Diane,
December 10, 2010 8:12 PM

Thyroid Cancer

I have known Yitzy's mother & grandparents since high school. I also went to the mountains with the Haber family,
This article has touched me greatly. I would like to get in touch with Yitzi as I have incurable thyroid cancer. I could use a lot of his strength & encouragement.
Diane

(19)
Penny S. Uliss,
November 18, 2010 3:36 PM

Yitzi is my inspiration!

I am one of Deena's best friends, and I know Yitzi since he was a baby. Yitzi, you are a true hero for sharing your inspiring story. I know you would deny it, but so many people will be instilled with hope and a vision of a brighter future because of your unfailingly positive and courageous attitude. My love and respect go out to you, Ronit, your Dad, siblings, and to Mr. and Mrs. Myerowitz for being an inspiration to me!
Penny

(18)
Arthur G,
November 18, 2010 11:53 AM

WOW

What a touching story. I wish Yitzy and his family only happy moments in life.

(17)
Anonymous,
November 18, 2010 4:28 AM

Also a survivor and now a mom!

Wow! What a great story. I also had osteosarco a as a teen. I wear a brace to walk, and my daughter likes to play dress up with it. Amazing how normal life can be.

(16)
craig,
November 18, 2010 12:05 AM

embedded in this story is the secret to happiness... this is how i live. Go Yitz!

But then, in the cancer ward, I saw this gloomy, depressed woman in a wheelchair, and I thought, if you walk around like that, for sure you’re going to die. But if you’re happy, I told myself, your body will want to fight it, and you’ll win. I had always been upbeat, but at that point I became really focused on being happy, even without a leg.

(15)
Anonymous,
November 16, 2010 8:45 PM

Wow!

I've known Yitzi for a bit and it is true, his love of life and joy is infectuous! Crazier yet, I never knew he lost a leg. I have a newfound respect for him!

(14)
Moshe Deutsch,
November 16, 2010 7:00 PM

Amazing!

Yitzy, the amazing story of an amazing person.
As the brother of a cancer survivor who attended Camp Simcha, and being a counselor myself for the last 4 years, I thank you for sharing your story with the world.
Be well.

(13)
Anonymous,
November 16, 2010 1:52 AM

True!

Thank God my husband and I have the merit of knowing Yitzy and he truly is the epitome of "simchas HaChaim" -- living with joy. He is a tremendous role model for people and brings a lot of simcha to people just by being around him.

(12)
Anonymous,
November 16, 2010 1:41 AM

even in highschool enlish he was an absolute mensch with uimagination and a sense of humor keep it up

(11)
Isabel Kogan,
November 15, 2010 9:16 PM

Incrediably inspirational

I have seen Yitzi perform. He is absolutely amazing. I have non-hodgkins lymphoma and when I get depressed after my chemo treatment, I'll take my copy of Yitzi's story and say "hey, if he can do it, so can I".

(10)
Ziva Glanz,
November 15, 2010 2:34 PM

Yay Yitzy! Now you're 'official'- an aish article! ;) Can we say we knew you 'way back when'...and even REALLY way back when you asked me to hold your leg in the nurses office right after you came back to school and I (none the too naive myself) was like 'ya sure, no prob' ;) Yitz and Ronit, we're totally 'shebbing!'

(9)
Marlene Wiltshire,
November 15, 2010 1:25 PM

This article has truly inspired me. What a shining example of what 'true living' is all about! I needed to be reminded that focusing on the bright side of life fosters true healing. Thank you allowing Yitzy to reach beyond his boundaries to touch people like me.

(8)
Ed Hausman,
November 15, 2010 5:47 AM

I lost a foot.

I heard that I was handicapped now, but I'm not handicapped, I'm only crippled, and how crippled can I be when people don't know it, seeing me walking around?
I think it's great that Yitzy can use his experience to show others how to keep on going instead of moping.

(7)
Judith Abrams,
November 15, 2010 1:30 AM

Wow thank you so much for your inspiring words.
It sure made me stop and think about my life.

(6)
Marina Rivera del Aguila,
November 15, 2010 1:30 AM

I celebrate the fact that people like Yitzy exist!

Some 45 years ago my second daughter was three and was in an accident and lost her left arm. The doctor's advice was: make her childhood so she becomes a strong child, then in her adolescence she will fall unto that strength and so will her adulthood on her having been a strong young woman. She preferred not using a prostheses. She is married, had three children, became a La Leche League consultant, finished University, travels, teaches, works hard as a LLL leader. Some people have to be told that she has no arm, because her personality is so positive and bright that those people see her lacking nothing. God is good!

(5)
TF,
November 14, 2010 8:39 PM

Moved to Tears

This was well worth reading. It's so important for us to be able to appreciate our lives every day. If there were only more people like Yitzy in the world, what a difference it would make! Thank you so much, I am truly moved to tears.

(4)
ruth housman,
November 14, 2010 8:06 PM

I need a hero

I think the luminous quality of Yitzy and how he has dealt with life's truly fearful and scary times, times of grappling with life threatening issues, even as a very young child, well he is a true magician, having created alchemy and joy from pain, and sorrow. And he is taller than tall.
I think we all need heroes. We see all kinds of stars on the big screen and read all about their lives, but for me, this story, well that deserves headlines, and I am so glad to learn about Yitzy and the joys of his family life and his gifts of himself to all those around him. We don't have to look far, especially these days, for profiles in courage. Here is one!

(3)
Michal,
November 14, 2010 6:46 PM

Wow!

Yitzy came to my school and he is so inspirational he spoke about his life and everyone was struck by his optimistic ism and middos!!

(2)
Eliav Friedman,
November 14, 2010 3:22 PM

Yitzy - I love you

It's been a long time since Yityz and I were clowning around in college. And I mean really clowning around. He sometimes wouldn't go food shopping with me for our apartment unless I agreed to dress up. So we did. We laughed, and so did everyone else. And working bar mitzvahs with him remain some of the most joyous memories of my life. Yitzy was an inspiration as a friend for years. It's great to see him inspire on an international level.
Keep up the good work!

(1)
Anonymous,
November 14, 2010 2:34 PM

So inspirational!

Wow. Yitzy's story, or life, is so inspirational. It teaches us the incredible lesson that we are only limited by our circumstances if we allow ourselves to be! Thanks!

I’ve been dating a young woman for the past two years and we are starting to think about marriage. The problem is that she is not Jewish. I would want her to convert, but in a way where there would be no doubt about its validity, so that we and our kids don’t have problems later on. How do you recommend that I proceed?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I appreciate your desire to do the right thing and proceed in an authentic way.

The process of conversion is challenging and involves a process of a year or two. This benefits the person converting, to ensure he fully appreciates the responsibilities he is taking on.

According to the Code of Jewish Law (Shulchan Aruch), a valid conversion replicates the experience at Mount Sinai of 3,300 years ago, when the Jewish nation accepted the Torah. For your friend to convert, she must:

believe that Judaism is the true religion, not just accept it by default

study what it says in the Torah

commit to observe all the Torah's commandments

Further, a conversion must be motivated for the sincere purpose of getting close to God and His Torah, not for ulterior motives. Thus, your friend would have to embrace Judaism and the Torah for its own sake, not in order to marry you. She should have the exact same desire to convert even with you entirely out of the picture.

If your friend studies Judaism and feels it is right for her, she would then approach an Orthodox conversion court and explain her situation. The court would then decide if it feels she is a sincere candidate for conversion. If yes, she would begin the lengthy process of studying and practicing to become a true convert.

Of course, to have a successful relationship, you will also need a high level of appreciation and commitment to Judaism. Perhaps you could begin your own study program to discover how Torah values enhance our lives and form the bedrock of civilization.

You should endeavor to live near a Jewish community which has adult education programs, rabbis you can consult with, Shabbat hospitality programs, etc.

In 1273 BCE (Jewish year 2488), Moses completed his farewell address to the Jewish people, and God informed Moses that the day of his death was approaching (Deut. 31:14). Amazingly, the anniversary of Moses' completing his teaching coincides with the date in 1482 of the first printing of the standard format used for Jewish Bibles today: vowel signs, accents, translation (Targum), and Rashi commentary.

Lack of gratitude is at the root of discontent. In order to be consistently serene, we must master the attribute of being grateful to the Creator for all His gifts. As the Torah (Deuteronomy 26:11) states, "Rejoice with all the good the Almighty has given you." This does not negate our wanting more. But it does mean that we have a constant feeling of gratitude since as long as we are alive, we always have a list of things for which to be grateful.

[Solomon] was wiser than all men (I Kings 5:11), even wiser than fools (Midrash).

What does the Midrash mean by "wiser than fools"?

A man of means was once a Sabbath guest at the home of the Chofetz Chaim. He insisted upon paying the sage in advance for the Sabbath meals - an insulting demand. To everyone's surprise, the Chofetz Chaim accepted the money.

After the Sabbath the Chofetz Chaim forced the guest to take the money back. He explained, "Had I refused to accept the money before the Sabbath, the thought that he was imposing upon me might have distracted from the man's enjoying the spirit of the Sabbath. Although it was foolish of him to feel this way, I wished to put his mind at rest."

Not everyone thinks wisely all the time. Some people have foolish ideas. Yet if we oppose them, they may feel they have been wronged. Insisting on the logic of our own thinking may not convince them in the least. In such instances, it may require great wisdom to avoid offending someone, yet not submitting to his folly.

By accepting his guest's money, knowing that he would return it to him after the Sabbath, the Chofetz Chaim wisely accommodated this man's whim without compromising on his own principles.

A wise person may be convinced by a logical argument, but outsmarting a fool truly requires genius.

Today I shall...

try to avoid offending people whom I feel to be in the wrong, without in any way compromising myself.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...