I was reading the YouGov survey into how many female Londoners have received unwanted sexual attention in public spaces (43% of those aged 18-35 in the past year) and noted the confusion from some men who feel that they are "just being friendly". It got me wondering whether an organ donor card type scheme might help.

Not just in London, but everywhere, women could wear badges signalling that they "opt in" to receiving attention. The badge could say: "I'd love strange men to interact with me randomly. Anything from catcalls, whistles and lewd comments to being followed, groped, pressed against, flashed at or followed home. That would give me the attention I secretly crave or I'd be wearing a burqa, right? If it's dark, and I'm alone, that's even better. Or you could lean out of your vehicle and yell obscenities. Go for it, bad boys. You're just friends I haven't met yet!"

If this makes the badge too large, then perhaps there could be a simple logo of a crooked "come hither" style finger. Or indeed anything that helps to dispel any intergender confusion during those admittedly sexy periods of public travel.

Yes, I'm being facetious. When a woman is out and about, it would be nice to think that the only large grey area she encounters is the pavement. Instead, grey areas abound. Not with the extremes – the physical assaults that shock everybody. It's the uncertainty over whether what's happening is intimidating or just ordinary banter, the rough and tumble of human interaction.

In truth, what grey area? This grey area is an urban myth that disguises the fact that these catcallers, stalkers, and gropers must know that what they're doing is wrong. That there is a world of difference between a pleasant "Nice day!" or, in my opinion, a chirpy "Smile, love, it may never happen" and things becoming darker, more threatening and opportunistic.

As it is, there seems to be a sense that men are entitled to behave this way that is so ingrained that women are resigned to it and develop coping strategies. Our public spaces are full of women avoiding men they don't know. Crossing streets, popping into shops unnecessarily, changing train carriages or buses (subtly, they hope), perfecting a placid "zombie stare", neither encouraging an overture, nor haughtily dismissing one. Rare is the woman who hasn't resorted to such actions at some point.

Young females get it worst, not just because they're prettier and sexier than jealous, bitter, old trouts like myself, but also because they're more vulnerable. Moreover, often it is secret behaviour. While some men show off to friends, others wait for the empty carriage or the lonely street. Which makes a twisted kind of sense: the creeps don't want decent men around who might berate or stop them.

Women aren't being hysterical – they know that it's not all men, just some men who do it all the time. But why? In truth, it's a rare woman who goes actively "cruising" for sexual attention in public spaces or who would respond positively to advances. Men must know this: they must know that staring, leering, shouting, pressing, rubbing and the rest is, if anything, going to give them even less of a chance, so what's in it for them? Intimidating, scaring, displaying their power to intimidate, their entitlement to scare?

There seems no point in addressing such creepy damaged characters, except perhaps with a taser. Other men might think about how much they interact with unfamiliar females and try to imagine a female they love (spouse, daughter, friend, family member) placed in a similar situation. Above all, accept that some of their fellow males aren't "just being friendly". At present, the problem is not just what's happening to a lot of women in public spaces, it's also the en masse denial that it is happening at all.

Stand up and salute Eugene. Better still, sit down

Eugene Polley, inventor of the television remote control, patron saint of couch potatoes, has died. In life, Polley was aggrieved that Robert Adler's slightly later design took prominence (Polley's Flash-Matic resembled a ray gun) and felt that he was being denied his place in history. He declared that the only invention more important was the flushing lavatory and that the remote was "almost as good as sex". Well, each to his own, as they say.

Polley needn't have worried about legacy – if nothing else, he almost certainly contributed to the obesity epidemic. His TV remote could be viewed as a factor in the condition of the current sedentary generation: people who refuse to move so much as a muscle – that's if they still have muscles.

With Amazon, Google and social networking, everything in the human pantheon is now an effortless click away. Polley's remote was the electronic genesis, people realising: "Hey, we can laze about and still do this."

The burden of walking towards the television set had been lifted from the lives of ordinary people. In this way, the remote delivered humankind into a pathetic helplessness.

Or maybe that's just me. When our remote broke recently, I just sat, blob-like, thinking thoughts along the lines of: "Magic picture box no work – me sad." Polley has earned his place in history – he contributed to making the world stationary and gadget-reliant.

It may not be a case of whether future generations remember him, rather, whether they'll forgive him.

'And this is me getting the sack for nicking your phone...'

It may be time to amend that well-known phrase "thick as thieves". It generally means, as you know, to be very close to someone. However, with some thieves, it could just mean that they're thick.

Take the case of a Disney cruise ship worker who is alleged to have stolen a passenger's iPhone and, while still aboard the liner, proceeded to take photographs of himself, his girlfriend and friends, not realising that the pictures were being automatically uploaded on to Apple's iCloud for the victim to peruse. The victim then put snarky comments on the photos, where they became a viral sensation. She even got to know the thief's name, Nelson, as, throughout his adventures, he was prominently displaying an employee name badge. Disney has since placed an unnamed worker on "administrative leave". Could this be the hapless Nelson? Is there any chance he could send in a snap to show how he's getting on?

Another case involves drug dealer Ayub Hagoscorrect, who used his camera phone to take photos of himself posing with mounds of banknotes and bags of drugs. Well, there's a contender for the family Christmas card. Other photos revealed knives, guns, more cash and more drugs. In court, the prosecutor said: "The photographs are such that the defendant would have difficulty in disassociating [sic] himself with the drugs." Quite. Hagos, was found guilty and sentenced to three and a half years.

The criminal behaviour is one thing, the dim-wittedness quite another. Put into context: if Lord Lucan had been this stupid, we'd have found him within 20 minutes, hiding in a Woolworths' photo booth. What next? Criminals tweeting in real time: "In house now. Nicking TV. LOL." Hashtag: HopeImakeitontoCrimewatch.