John McAfee is on the run again, will use surrogates in White House campaign

There are two certainties in life - death and John McAfee avoiding taxes

FOLK HERO and Ron Swanson of tech, John McAfee has gone on the run from the law.

No, you're not reading an old article - it's happened again, this time, because he doesn't want to pay his taxes.

Apparently, the IRS (the US version of the Inland Revenue) has brought unspecified taxes against McAfee, ("various tax fraud issues", says McAfee) who has taken to a "freedom boat" to avoid answering them.

A vlog post includes the explanation: "Today a grand jury was convened by the IRS to indict Janice [the missus] and myself and four as-yet-unnamed campaign workers, for various tax fraud issues".

The Tennessee court is yet to fully explain to McAfee what the charges are exactly - according to him at least. He claims that he only found out because he is in the business of knowing, and that he wasn't directly informed.

Lorks-a-lordy.

This, you may think, could put pay to his plans to run for president under the Libertarian Party banner in 2020.

He has announced an audacious plan to continue the campaign by recruiting up to 20,000 "road warriors" to act as his surrogates, allowing his face to appear on the campaign trail, without the bits of him liable to be arrested.

This will involve them wearing cardboard face masks of the former cyber-security, turned cryptocurrency king. They are set to appear in areas where McAfee wants to speak, whilst his voice is broadcast through loudspeakers.

Further M For McAfee masks will be worn at conferences and keynote speeches, with McAfee watching through a camera to advise his surrogates on when to shake hands and when to declare organised government dead.

Although it's unlikely that even the law-abiding IRS will rip his dick off for these charges, it's looking increasingly like he'll be doing it for himself, after declaring that he would eat the aforementioned appendage if the price of Bitcoin doesn't hit $1m by the end of 2020.

At the time of writing, one Bitcoin is worth $3,542.28, meaning it will need to rise (the Bitcoin price - rude) another $996,457.72. With 707 days to go, Bitcoin will need to gain an average of £1409.42 every day.

Given that crypto prices have toppled in the dying months of 2018, that doesn't look likely right now and it might be an idea to start suggesting side dishes to him.

That said, he's previously said that he may alter his bet from eating his own d*ck to having some nice ladies to come and do it for him. Eww. μ