Thinking about video I watched the other day in which a gallery owner was talking about the vocabulary of contemporary art, wondering why she said 'vocabulary' rather than 'conventions', pretty sure it would be more accurate. Generally, though, people's sense that art is a monolithic entity with either a vocabulary or conventions, a language or a society- well, it's just so misguided it makes me want to scream. Not even languages or societies are actually like that, much less art. Structuralism dies hard, I suppose.

What I mean to say is, none of these things actually exist, not as things, anyway. People imagine they understand their world, it's not theirs & they don't.

The contemporary 'period' is more complicated than 99% of human history put together, most people aren't fools enough to imagine they understand all that, but treat the present as pure intelligibility more often than not. The effect of focusing their attention on semi-isolated local zones, I imagine, neglecting all the drift, fuzziness, seepage around the edges, only notice the incursions with the broadest brush, say the effect of the 'economy' on 'art'. People's fields a lot like the field of vision in this regard.

Lunching on chapatis with strawberry jam & coffee, thinking about the contrasting emotional colors of being burned by crazy as opposed to non-crazy people, very different experiences, hard to know who to feel sorrier for. The non-crazy ones certainly seem more hopeless.

After eating & walking the dog, heading to Amherst to install some obsolete software.

We decided we'd had enough of Cape for the moment & came home last night. It was, nonetheless, extremely lovely. Waded out to a sandbar in icy water, ate oysters, L. kayaked around the cove, etc. Got a bit too much sun, got home & passed out.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Quite a day, hoped early start would equal early end to work, plenty of time to visit with loved ones, didn't work out like that.

Left work after a busy morning to walk the dog, across the street, a house was on fire, one I considered buying, actually. Took some photos until I was advised that the electric company had cut the power to work because they couldn't get near enough to just cut power to the burning house, went inside to deal with that, was busily powering things off when our UPS died & things turned off on their own. Waited a long while for power to return, brought everything back up, gave things a quick once over, then went home. Immediately called back to bring a database which should have come online automatically online. Went home again, started uploading my photos, called back to work because the electric company people had announced they were going to briefly cut the power again, took everything down, waited. Took them longer than they said it would, fielding calls from sweet young thing re: when would I be able to meet for dinner, eventually the power went & came & I brought everything back up again & split.

Walked the poor dog quickly then headed into town to catch the tail end of dinner, call on way regarding problems with data flow from Greenfield, sorted those out on phone. Had a beer & bits of others' dinners, went for espresso & rum cake, went & saw the "Young @ Heart Chorus" documentary, another call from work in the middle of that, nothing serious.

Anyway, pretty lovely movie, nice old folks having fun & being entertaining, a bit too much of the wide angle lens for my taste, can't have everything. Memento mori, like I needed reminding.

Really wishing I had more time to hang with the kid & his grandma, the spice must flow, I guess.

Having some ginger ale, should really take the pup for another walk, foot hurts.

Coming off a weekend that really felt like one makes a refreshing change, lately they've been zipping by in ways that have been making my life seem like one long workweek. Will be glad to get myself moved.

General screwiness of foot seems to be dying down, giving shoes a shot.

A lot of activity yesterday, after Ludlow delight spree, went & got a charcoal grill & accoutrements, assembled it, finished stripping that wallpaper, grilled some pork chops, watched some Family Feud & Gilmore Girls. Sleepy L. wandered off upstairs to sleep & I fell asleep where I lay, surrounded by dogs. They seemed to enjoy that, managed to sleep in a bit.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Started feeling a bit lightheaded at work, came home & fixed myself a mess of quesadillas & beans, listening to the Only Ones, repeating in my head, 'the interpretation of a sign is always another sign.' Some things need drilling in.

After that, took a short walk with the dog, 'Double Vision' blaring loudly from the steel shop. It gets the best of me.

Startlingly warm day, have ditched the hoodie, will be returning to work soon, wishing I were on a picnic with my sweetie.

Signs are reemerging, in their cascading, loose arrays, must be spring.

The main temporal benefit of a rich inner life is the ability to produce surprising surface effects.

Don't know if I mentioned that the copy of V. I leave in the downstairs bathroom of my parents' house had gone missing last I was there, migrating geese reminded me, just the thought of migrating geese, actually, while I was showering.

Circling down the drain.

It's a funny thing, to have spent an autumn tarrying intimately with one morbidly preoccupied by the season, adds a lot of odd colors to my experience. Heavenly shades of night are falling & c.

Thinking about making dubious esthetic choices for the sake of doing so. Maybe a bit perverse.

Thinking about Lucretius on ghosts.

"I now beginTo teach you about images, so-calledA subject of most relevant importance.These images are like a skin, a film,Peeled from the body's surface, and they flyThis way and that across the air; they causeA terror in our minds, whether we wakeOr in our sleep see fearful presences.The replicas of those who have left the lightHaunt us and startle us horribly in dreams.Let me repeat: these images of things,These almost airy substances, are drawnFrom surfaces; you might call them film, or bark,Something like skin, that keeps the lock, the shapeOf what it held before its wandering."

Bizarrely busy at work with a confusing mishmash of duties, hard to describe, too tired to try. After that, made some quick ravioli, then went & delved a little into the world of community radio where absolutely nothing anyone tells you about network and computer configuration is to be believed, latest twist, their streaming server is running on Zeta. Guy whose house it was in was telling me it was Linux, seems everybody thinks everything odd is Linux these days.

L.'s sick,went & watched Gilmore Girls for a bit. Meant to pick up some Advil on the way home, was too tired. Thought about people so stupid & unimaginative that they imagine themselves hard nosed & realistic. They're going to kill us all.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Just canceled my sdsl service, hello, thrifty new lifestyle. Anyway, bit of an end of an era, was very useful for learning about servers & such, just as glad to look forward to no longer having any in the house though, get quite enough of that at work these days.

Thinking over upcoming expenses, it occurs to me that I should really have had the sense, when essentially used as a sex therapist by a friend, to bill her for it.

Work is, as expected, bizarrely busy & scattered, some day this week is going to end.

Back from a few days away, the corporate spam filter fills up to excess, just cleared out everything prior to 7 AM this morning so I'd have some hope at reviewing the remainder with discernment, 1111 messages left in box. Make a wish.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Dog walk was a sufficiently painful experience that I decided my plan to go out this evening was overambitious. Crappy scifi TV here we come.

Here's how it is: I'm collapsed on the couch, in a hoodie, socks, etc. Until a couple minutes ago I still had my shoes on. My ambitions: pajamas & blanket. Seems pretty unattainable, maybe if I work at it.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Finally got around to doing my taxes, owed the Feds money as expected, not much, in any case just as glad to owe them money, not too interested in making them no interest loans for their jackboots, pleasant to imagine I've made it so some poor soul will have their face stepped on forever minus approximately six months rather than forever period.

They just borrow money if they're short of course & pay way more to their profiteering buddies per jackboot than I owed them, still, a pleasant enough fantasy in its way.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Once again have my expectations of other peoples' craziness, stupidity, predictability proven accurate. It's a bit of a drag, really. Keep hoping for surprising cleverness, oh well, will try to keep meeting my quota & let other people worry about their own.

Long, strange night, dominated by feeling like my foot was on fire, woken repeatedly by brushing toe against blanket, etc. Trying to figure out how I'm going to get the many tasks involving walking I have to do today done. Painfully, I suppose. Where's my magic ice sock?

Monday, April 7, 2008

Went to free soup & game night, lovely as always, though greedy hippies had lapped up most of the soup by the time we arrived & my facetious suggestions that others punch me in the face to relieve tension met with the usual cold response. One of these days somebody's going to walk away enlightened, best to keep at it.

Foolish humans.

Soaked my feet for a while, they feel pretty nice right now, though toe remains twingey. Peretz's last walk of the day was a lesson in the redemptive value of suffering, pity I don't much believe in that.

Layered feelings of lousiness, did go get some pomegranate juice in the hope it would help with the toe.

Back to being lectured about how I'm wrong to allow my feelings to be hurt. My favorite. At least this isn't of the insane totally detached from reality variety, just the regular old frustrated that sorry doesn't make it all instantly better kind. It'll be better later, just be feeling glum and unmotivated for a bit. Sorry about that.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Friday, April 4, 2008

Brief but busy & unusually sociable day at work, talked about home improvement & the Singularity, gave away tickets to movie because the intended users are coming in later than expected.

After all that, went home where the felt min donuts from Singapore were awaiting me, took a lot of photos of those. Also did some shopping, weirdly difficult locating E.T. bagels on a Friday afternoon, everybody wants to eat, I guess.

Hanging out with dogs in Greenfield, just took Pickles for a walk, then Peretz. Tested out walking Pickles on Peretz's extendable leash, found it a good deal easier. Still pretty wet out.

At some point, L. should arrive with her entourage from the Cape & we'll all go out for dinner.

Just had to break up another fracas, Pickles is having some quiet time outside, P & I are enjoying some in.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

All tactics, no strategy. Just how I am, also think it's best, but that's probably a rationalization.

Being aware of most things should help, but doesn't much. Mostly people & things do their thing, run along their own little tracks. Lovely little circles, wheels within wheels. Sometimes not so lovely, still tempting to just sit back & watch it all spin. Somehow I keep finding myself trying to interfere.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Quite the day, work continues busy, rushed from there to assistance of nonprofit with network nonfunctional because of inexperience & lack of caution. After that went & got wallpaper glue solvent & fast food, walked the dog then loaded him into the car & drove to Greenfield. Stripped some more wallpaper, just ate an Adams double chocolate donut.

Did I mention I'm moving to Greenfield?

Hands have that magical soaked in chemicals feeling.

Peretz is growling & whining, tail wagging the whole time. Pickles isn't sure what to make of it.