Friday, April 15, 2016

And you are never the same again....

Having a baby changes you...forever.
9 long months of pregnancy and planning, reading blogs and books, talking to new moms - does not prepare you for the one life that will rule your timetable, routine, emotions and life.

Having a baby is like buying a really complex piece of DIY furniture, without any instructions. When you buy it you think, i am smart i can do this - thousands have done it before me. You think an instructable for a similar piece of furniture should suffice, but you soon discover your piece has its own unique bolts, screws, nails and nuts that do not seem to fit in anywhere. Every day you think you are getting a little closer to seeing the complete picture and some part collapses right in front of you - some days its a part you secretly knew was just about standing and did not really fit, expecting its collapse one day or another. Other days its the part you had built having complete confidence in its strength and then there it goes.

No book, no seminar, nobody tells you how completely the little angel (when she is asleep) will dominate your life.
Days are spent worrying about poop and sleep patterns. Every little sneeze jolts you, every little cry makes you doubt yourself, every little whimper has you out of your chair in under a second, your ears go on an eternal hyper alert state - day or night. You will lose count of days, weeks, hours, dates - your life's most important decisions will revolve around feeds, diapers and sleeping patterns. Arithmetic will become your favorite subject - calculating input output ratios, converting oz to ml. Precision will become second nature to you - ensuring exact 60 ml is poured in the bottle. obviously all the precision is tossed out of the window with every feed - the baby makes up rules on the go. And you are expected to understand and follow the rules - no matter how contradictory, no matter how illogical, no matter even if they are plain impossible.
Rules are rules - to be followed by parents and grand parents and the minute you feel you are getting a hang of it, that moment when a tiny bit of complacency seeps in - where you think the rules are following some pattern that you can discern and make life a bit easier - BAM - the rules are changed - without a moment's notice, without any logic. they just don't exist anymore and new ones have taken their place. And you are left hanging, more often than not with a bawling cacophony that can rip your ears and heart apart!
Feels like being a part of the hunger games. Having your own clock arena to fight every day battles with poisonous vomit, toxic poop, pee and Jaberjay's yells, anger being thrown at you.

A 52 cm baby, weighing 6 pounds is making 4 adults in the house dance to her tunes. What a miracle of nature!

You are sleep deprived, the outside world has stopped existing for you, the four walls of the house constitute your battle arena, late night parties, drinks and movies seem like "seasons out of time" to quote Westllife. You are utterly helpless and clueless and somehow you still manage to be happy.

How?

One little sleepy smile makes it all ok, one little unwitting wink makes you forget everything and one little giggle makes your day.
Just a little sign of recognition from your baby - and you would go through everything all over again just to have her with you forever!
There is not one single thing that i would change - because everything has led up to this - to my baby in my arms and i wouldn't trade that for anything in the world and beyond.