How JustAnswer Works:

Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.

Get a Professional Answer

Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.Ask follow up questions if you need to.

100% Satisfaction Guarantee

Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist

Category: Mental Health

Satisfied Customers: 5618

Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

54658078

Type Your Mental Health Question Here...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now

Why is it that my husband (seperated 4mths) continues to lie

Resolved Question:

Why is it that my husband (seperated 4mths) continues to lie about the female that he is involved with. He says that he is not in a realationship with her but yet 3 times already he has put her before his kids and says that it's me that it's all in my head!! He also continues to yell at me and always throwing stuff in my face like how he helped me when my back went out on me and he also says that I use the kids to my advantage which is a total lie, I've been nothing but open with him as far as him seeing his kids I never stopped him from seeing them nor would I. Why is it that he keeps telling me that he's the one living in an apartment that he doesn't want to be in. I said to him YOU put yourself there!!! I don't understand why it is that he keeps getting so angry at me all the time it almost feels like verbal abuse the way he speaks to me and the things he says, like, we are not married anymore and I don't love you what part of this don't you get. I did ask him to get divorce papers from his lawyer and I'll sign them that way you legally free to do whatever you want and leave me alone. It's almost like you are been phyically abused by your husband and then the next time he sees you he's soooo sorry; that's what it feels like only my is verbal! When I asked him about the papers he never answered me. What should I do at this stage?

It sounds like your husband is excusing his behavior by putting the responsibility and blame on you. It is a way for him to avoid feeling guilty and responsible for what he is doing. He may also be in denial about his behavior and truly believe that you caused him to act out this way. Also, he could be narcissistic in which case he will see himself as more important than anyone else, including his family and the female he is seeing now.

Whenever someone cheats in a marriage, it is always their choice. No one can make anyone cheat. There are many options in dealing with marital problems, but cheating does not solve any issues. It only makes things worse.

Your husband is probably acting the way he is because there is something going on with him that needs resolved. He is either having a problem with the marriage and doesn't have the ability to address it directly, or he has an emotional issue that needs treatment. His inability to sign the papers for divorce shows that he is not sure what he wants. He may feel that having the safety of your marriage and your family is too frightening to him to give up. So he denies the outside relationship he is having so he can drag out the marriage with you. But he has difficulty handling being married and the issues that come with it so he isn't comfortable in the marriage either.

If you feel strongly about ending the marriage, talk with your attorney about your choices legally to get your husband to sign the papers. But if you feel you want to make a go of the marriage, then therapy is a good idea. You can either talk with your pastor if you attend church or search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/. If your husband won't go, go yourself. You need support right now with this situation.

Either way, you need to decide what you want to accomplish and stick to it. It does not sound like your husband is sure of what he wants so it is, unfortunately, up to you. Making the choice will also help you feel more in control and you will be able to move forward with your life.

I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly.
Thank you very muchCorrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly.
Thank you very muchCorrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and
confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the
examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as
well! ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.I feel better already! Thank you.ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet VPhoenix, AZ

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

X

Ask a Mental Health Professional

Get a Professional Answer. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.

123 Mental Health Professionals are Online Now

Type Your Mental Health Question Here...

characters left:

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.