Life after bullying  a firsthand view

Former honor role student Kyle Hook recalls his stormy high school years with unflinching resolve. And although memories of being bullied at school are still fresh, his vision for the future is crystal clear.

Former honor role student Kyle Hook recalls his stormy high school years with unflinching resolve.

“No one ever believed what I said, other than my parents,” he said.

And although memories of being bullied at school are still fresh, his vision for the future is crystal clear.

“I’m victorious, you did not destroy me,” said the 24-year-old graduate of Victor High School and New York’s French Culinary Institute in a recent interview with the Victor Post.

These days Hook can be found mountain-climbing in the Adirondacks and hopes one day to open his own rock-climbing gym. For now he’s launching a new business locally — Sweete Revenge Baking Company, which bears a personal slogan: “Bake love, not war.”

Spurred on by the November suicide of 14-year-old Spencerport freshman Cameron DeVeronica, believed by some to be bullying-related, Hook feels strongly about being an advocate on behalf of bullying victims.

Recently he shared his thoughts on bullying, overcoming trauma, and his future.

When did you first experience bullying?

It started literally the day I walked into school (after moving into the community in 2001). I was fourteen. And from there on out it was downhill. I would walk down the hall and get punched by random people. I didn’t report half of the things that happened to me. (I thought), “they’re not going to listen to me anyway, so what’s the point?” I wasn’t very big back then, and these kids were all bigger than me, so you have to be a little dog with a big bark to try and protect yourself. Then every time I would bark loud, I’d get in trouble for it. I was doing terrible in school and I kept falling asleep in class because I couldn’t sleep at night. The death threats didn’t start until ninth grade, and then they specifically picked out my dog, because my dog is my best friend. By eleventh grade — I guess I got more respect, because at that point I started bulking up and people stopped. It wasn’t worth their time anymore and I was such a hot head.

How did your experience affect your family?

I guess that it hurt them because they didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t know what to do, and I felt bad that I was putting it on them. I consider myself to be a really strong person, but when this happened, it completely took me down. It was as embarrassing as hell. I really didn’t want to tell anyone ever. That’s why I didn’t tell them for so long — eight or nine months. But it brought us all together. It ended up making us closer.

Page 2 of 4 - In your opinion, why do some kids become bullies?

I honestly feel like it’s the way we’re raising our children. The person who is bullying somebody is generally the person who is the most insecure out of all the people. And they have a group of people who are, for some reason, willing to follow them. So they go around and find people who are strong, or weak, and easy to pick out the crowd, and they make themselves feel bigger because of it. In my case, it wasn’t because I was the nerd. I was just the new kid.

How has your experience changed you?

They really took away my childhood. They changed who I was. I was the worst kind of person. I became one of them before I got better, because that’s what happens. You go from being bullied to, “OK, I’m not being bullied anymore and now I’m on a power trip.” I was looking for a fight at every turn. That was just the total, total wrong way. High school is not everything. High school ends, and then life gets better.

When you were being bullied, how did you cope?

I spent my life since that moment working out and being able to be big enough to defend myself.

What advice would you give to someone who is being bullied?

Find something you love to do and make it your life. Try to better yourself. Try to make something of yourself. Rock climbing is my life. It’s made me a more confident person. I want to show kids who are being bullied, who think they are nothing, that you can become strong. It’s up to you. (The bullies) have nothing to do with it — they can only try to pull you down, but they can’t physically pull you down. Those people are weak — you’re the strong one. You just need to push through it.

What would you say to the parents of bullies?

Parents are the ones who are the most responsible for what’s happening. So raise your kid with some respect — it starts in the home. Chances are if he doesn’t respect you, he’s not going to respect anybody else. Take the time to raise a good kid. You don’t just have the baby and then the baby raises itself and he learns right and wrong on his own. You’ve got to take part in your kid’s life. Take interest in what they’re doing, and punish them when they’ve done wrong.

What would you say to parents who’s child is being bullied?

Page 3 of 4 - Stop (letting them) go to school and home school them. In high school, all I wanted to do was survive. So you’re not helping that kid by sending him to school every day, if that’s not where he wants to be. You’re not hurting him by taking him out — he’s not going to be stupid. Just don’t put your kid in that environment. My parents pulled me out of school (in 10th grade, for six months) and it was the best thing that ever happened, because that’s when I got my stuff together. (Also), your kid needs to have a hobby. I don’t care what it is. (They need to) become the best at something, because if you’re getting bullied you probably don’t have a lot of friends. Find the things that he loves that to do and make that his life. Don’t just let him sit around and sulk and hate life and have to worry every day that he goes to school. And if your kid’s not an athlete, that’s fine. (Let them) play an instrument or something .

What’s your advice for people who witness bullying?

What’s worse than doing something wrong is the indifference of a good person just standing there and letting it happen. The good people need to step in and say something. You can’t change the bully, but the good people have the ability to be good,. They’re just not doing it.

What would you say your teachers and school administration?

You don’t know what we are going through. You have no clue what it’s like to go to school and know that something bad is going to happen today. I was literally sick to my stomach every day about going to school, and I had to go, and I had to tough it out.

What would you do now if you saw someone being bullied?

I would obviously step in. It would depend on the situation — but I would just grab the victim and pull him away from there. I’m not out to hurt people and I can’t change those people, but I can change that situation. I’m the type of person that if someone was getting bullied and there were ten of them, and I knew I was going to get beat up, I would do the right thing no matter what. I try to stand up for what’s right in the world.

What’s your reaction when bullying costs a life?

When I see a kid that commits suicide (as a result of bullying), I know it affects everybody and everything — but I was there. I was at that point where people were (saying) “you’re better off not living anymore.” And to think that I couldn’t help that person (who committed suicide) —it just kills me. I don’t have as much anger toward my bullies as I do toward the ones who are bullying right now. My bullies didn’t win, they lost. It’s the people — the kids who kill themselves. That bothers me and it should bother everyone else a lot more.

Page 4 of 4 - What does the future look like for you?

(The past) never goes away. I’ll never forget what happened to me and you can never change the past. You need to just make the best of what you were given, and I was given a good life lesson on what not to do. And I use what happened there to make me a stronger person rather than let it break me down entirely. Use it to do right, because now you know what the absolute most wrong thing to do is.

What’s different about you today because of your past?

I don’t stand for people making fun of each other. Mutual respect (is essential). If you have a problem with somebody, stay away from them — respect their boundaries. You making fun of them and yelling is not going to prove your point, it’s just going to make you look like an idiot. I don’t resent what happened to me — I’m actually glad it happened to me. Because I was strong enough to make it through it, and hopefully I can help other people by showing them that (bullies) don’t have to win.

What hope can you offer to students who are being bullied?

There are still good people in the world who will look out for you, and I’m one of them. And no matter what, you’re not alone because at least I’m here, and I would stand up for you no matter what. The pain fades. The memories start to fade. Please don’t take your life. Please don’t let them bring you down too far. There are good people in the world. You are not alone.