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D is for Domination. (AC)

Domination is defined as the exercise of control or influence over someone or something. The flip side of this is, of course, submission. Many of you have read, or heard about, 50 shades of grey. Either way, it has generated strong opinions of the book and subject matter. As I psychologist, I understand that when she laments many times how unsure she is of the relationship and shows her concern, it’s because the lifestyle is so different from a regular, or vanilla, relationship. She is also trying to reconcile how much she enjoys the dominate/submissive (D/s) relationship.

In a D/s relationship, both parties take sexual enjoyment from the relationship. These days, sexual identity is more fluid, but the D/s paradigm had been an enduring theme throughout civilization. While a 1985 study showed only about 30% of persons in the BDSM lifestyle. In 1995, a second study found 89% of these heterosexual women prefer the submissive role with a male dominant.
One of the most important things to have in a D/s relationship is a safe word, so your partner knows if they’ve crossed a line. If the save word is used, the dominant should cease play immediately ands comfort his, or her, submissive. Dominants should be careful to set their own limits as well. Having total control over another must be tempered. Agreeing on hard and soft limits should be discussed well before hand. Relationships may or may not be monogamous and dominants may have several submissives, and vice versa.Here are some common BDSM terms:

Play-refers to sexual activity

Scene- an individual play session

Switch-a person that can be dominant or submissive.

Top- the active role (agent)

Bottom- the passive role (patient)

Vanilla- regular sex

Some activities that may be included in play are:
* consensual slavery or domestic servitude.
*chastity enforced on the submissive
*erotic and verbal humiliation
*fetishes- ie. feet, latex, etc
*role play- dressing up in costumes, animal play (“furries” & pony play for example)
*cross-dressing
*whipping and corporal punishment
*human toilet (“golden showers”)

That’s a basic overview. So, what if you want to try D/s in your relationship? Talk to your SO in a non sexual situation and bring it up. Start small and work your way up!

Fuzzy handcuffs here we come!

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Published by AnnaLevensonPsy

My name is Anna Levenson. I have a wonderful husband of almost 15 years and we have three children, David (22), Kristin (20), and Gavin (11). And my 22 year old is about to make me a grandmother! Although, I insist on being called Bubbe (Yiddush for grandma), because I'm not old enough to be a grandma! lol I went back to school after I had my first two children and completed a BPS at University of Memphis for Sociology and Health Science. During this time, I was a dancer, an exotic dancer. I was able to obtain my degree, work the hours I needed to work, raise my children, and revel in my sexual power. A mother with sexual power! Yeah! I met my husband, online playing card games, 3000 miles away, when I was in my last year of my bachelor degree. We married and had a son. He broke my pelvis when I had him and
in the past ten years I had three major surgeries. I was able to obtain my Master of Science in Psychology from Kaplan University. In July of 2015, I am returning to school to obtain my terminal degree, A PsyD in Psychology! My working thesis is Disposable vs. Forever Relationships: The State of Relationships in Modern Society. I began to write and found that people enjoyed what I wrote. I hope you do too.
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I get BDSM and the D/s dynamic… what I don’t get is why women are submitting themselves to such things. I know I’m from the old school and one where we didn’t tie women up like Christmas geese or flog them or drip hot wax onto them (or any of the other stuff I’ve read about).

What drives the mindset? I’ve asked women who are active in the D/s thing and they can’t seem to really explain why this gets them off like nothing else can.

Admittedly, I did it once; she loved it… and I threw up all over the place afterward; I was raised to never treat women like that.

Speaking strictly for myself, I have a strong personality. I like not having to be dominant in my sex life (we are not in the lifestyle) but I certainly understand the desire b/c I am so dominant in my normal life