Sunday, June 26, 2011

First of all, Chicago is not awesome. At all. I don't know why I thought it would be. I hate cities.

Regardless, we're not too far away and I thought it would be fun to spend a weekend there. While Rust was out of town at his brother's wedding. So I was mostly by myself with the kids.

My first experience with Chicago was being stuck for 2 1/2 hours in traffic...no car accidents, no rush hour. Just regular noon traffic. And tolls. Tolls stress me out. I don't have 30 cents in change! Are you kidding me?! I haven't had 30 cents in change since I was 9 years old and walked down to Hanks Grocery Store to buy 15 mini tootsie rolls.

So then I did not want to go back into the city. But it was a free day at the Aquarium and I thought - I am all the way here, I should not hole up in my hotel and maybe venture to Target. Although that was really tempting. So we made it to Millennium Park and attempted the Aquarium (attempted because there was a line that was 3 hours long - are you kidding me? It's a savings of $8, get out of line people!) But I dragged the kids all over and made them cry a lot.

So after a long day of seeing Chicago we made it back out into the country (I almost kissed the ground) and I asked my kids what their favorite part was.

In unison they yelled "The tunnel!" I racked my brain. Tunnel? Oh you mean the flipping overpass we went under? Yes, they did. Next time we go somewhere awesome like the Washington Monument, I will make sure that we eat McDonalds there so it will be more memorable.

Speaking of gross fast food...

I did eat a Chicago style hot dog at Millenium Park. It was delicious. Regardless, I knew I would throw it up. Want to know how I know? Because it wasn't a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And I always throw up things that aren't PB&J.

So we're back at our hotel and I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost my lunch. So I did what every red-blooded American pregnant woman does. I ate a snickers bar. And then because I still hadn't thrown up. I ate another one. And I remembered why it's so awesome being bulimic. You can eat delicious things without feeling guilty.

But then I had to throw up in a hotel toilet. And there's something about hotel toilets you may not know. And it's that the area between the seat and the water level is not a lot. And it makes your barf splash up and hit you in the face. Which makes you barf even more. Even the PB&J that you had for breakfast. And then I remembered why it's not that awesome to be bulimic.

Then the next day I did the Warrior Dash. And I felt like a normal human being again and ate a lot of mud.

And I made a joke on facebook about how I got first in the pregnant division. And no on really got it. But seriously people, I don't get first in anything. I probably came in number 6000 out of 8000 people. I was really slow. But not as slow as all of you. ;)

It turns out this may not be the best post to read if you're also pregnant and your husband is holding the ground up green beans for your other kid. It still made me laugh though, and I haven't thrown up yet. Way to go with the Snickers.