I've been feeling...

pretty weird lately. Not sad or depressed. Just a little out of it. This started immediately after the pressures of Duckie's rotation diet ended at the end of February. Things are more normal than they ever have been for my little family. It's like I'm in flux. I think I've become so accustomed to being under a great deal of pressure that I don't know where to begin without it.
Now don't get me wrong, Duckie is not a easy child by any stretch of the imagination. But things are, umm, manageable for now.
So how do I get myself back on track after being in crisis mode for roughly the last six years?

I know what you mean (and I totally know what Steph's talking about as well!). It's like you feel like you're forgetting to do something...your time hasn't been your own for so long that when it is, you're not quite even sure that it is and so you simply don't know where to begin.

Begin by creating small simple routines for those times of day when your time is your own. In particular, I really had to get used to having my mornings to myself a few years ago after H took over the morning routine with difficult child and now they leave the house at 6:10AM and I'm not usually up until about 6:30 - I had a whole hour and a half to just BE until I went to work! At first I was all mixed up, wasn't sure what to do with myself, but then I created a routine and schedule for myself and it all fell into place. It's nice. I even schedule one morning a week to meet my girlfriend at Paneras for coffee before work, which is a real treat. And then difficult child started her job so 3 evenings a week from 4-8, H and I are on our own. We usually chill, but now that the weather will be clearing we'll be back at the dog park again. It's just nice.

Kind of difficult to get out of that 'always on alert chaos mode'. It's hard to relax (I know) when difficult child is doing "well" in difficult child terms.

That's exactly why I took up piano lessons. I had to find something that completely absorbed my mind & energies on something that wasn't difficult child (crisis) related. That, with the coming golf season, remains the most therapeutic thing I can do for myself & the PTSD type symptoms.

I think Jo's advice is really good. Schedule in some "ME" time while you can. Take a day and just do nice things for yourself. Go shopping for a new Spring outfit, get your hair and nails done, meet a friend for coffee, etc...

This will give you a bit of time to get ready for the next "storm". I know that what Steph said is so true in my house too! The calm period NEVER lasts too long with a difficult child!!! Schedule in some time for yourself and DO NOT feel guilty about doing nice things just for you. WFEN

Yep, manageable......ummm I thought that's where we were up until a few weeks ago. Ugh.

I don't have any advice TM. I don't think there has been a time, where I've felt that we weren't walking on eggshells with her, except when she's at school, but every time the phone rings and the caller id has our school district on it, I freak.

TM, I know what you are going through. I went through it as well. It is important to take time for you, but it seems to be sensed pretty quickly by a difficult child that is used to having your focus on her. So, I recommend you take it slow. I also advise not letting your guard down too much. I found it far more stressful after a few good weeks and then BAM another meltdown and it would feel like the worst ever. But, it was just because I let my guard down.

Just do not change much to quick. Start thinking about what it is you would like to fill your 'me' time with.

TM, I agree that this has to do with stress and trauma. I think Linda's advice was very good advice.

Fill your time with positive, strengthening activities which will open other facets of self for you.

I never felt it when I was in the midst of any crisis, either. (Denial is my middle name, you know!!!) But boy, have I been swimming through all those repressed feelings for awhile here, now that I am not in crisis mode anymore.

And I am glad, because I would like to reclaim those energies for myself.