Case Number 07332

WONDER WOMAN: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON

The Charge

"You're not gonna believe this, but there's some broad on a skateboard
coming after us."

Opening Statement

"...And she's gaining."

Not meant to be humorous, the episode "Skateboard Wiz" has a scene
that had me laughing my head off from its sheer ridiculousness. Picture
this...

A young skateboarding wizard knows too much, and the bad guys have just
kidnapped her from a parking lot after a skating competition. She's dragged into
a waiting car, leaving her skateboard behind. A few seconds later, Wonder Woman
shows up, sees the skateboard, and realizes she's too late. Knowing exactly what
to do, she does her trademark twirl, and now she's wearing elbow pads, kneepads,
and a helmet along with her glorious bodysuit, lasso, and tiara. She picks up
the skateboard, throws it ahead of her, and jumps on to give chase to the
getaway car. The car zooms by and Wonder Woman, on the skateboard, zips by even
faster. "You're not gonna believe this, but there's this broad on a
skateboard coming after us..."

Honestly, it's such a ridiculous, stupid scene that I'll never be able to
forget it. It's one thing for Wonder Woman to twirl and change into her bodysuit
ensemble, but to change into a helmet and pads is preposterous. Topped off with
the sped-up tape of a woman chasing a car on a skateboard, some bad blue-screen
work with Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman), and the thug calling Wonder Woman a
"broad," it's a classic moment of television -- a horrid moment of
television, but still a classic.

The sad part is that this awful scene is the best part of Season Three, a
horrible, boring conglomeration of lame stories and bad acting. Not even the
glorious beauty of Lynda Carter in that all-American bodysuit can save this show
from mediocrity.

Facts of the Case

The third and final season of the adventures of Wonder Woman comes at
you in 24 episodes:

Tune in to watch Diana Prince and Wonder Woman be in the right place at the
right time to save the world from the lamest villainy known to mankind!

The Evidence

I'm going to start with an overview of the discs, which will allow me to
segue into my thoughts on the series itself. First, the four-DVD set is
comprised of flipper discs. I don't know why, but I despise flippers. Something
about the thought of flipping a disc doesn't sit well with me; perhaps it's my
inherent fear that since there's data on both sides, neither allows me a safety
zone to put the disc down. Of course, it's all folly, as there's really no
difference in using a flipper or regular discs; you still have to get up and
change the DVD at some point. Still, I know they could have fit more than three
episodes per side. All that aside, the technical quality of the material is
perfectly average. Each episode is presented in its original full-frame aspect
ratio with its original Dolby Digital 1.0 mono track. As is to be expected from
something from over 25 years ago, you should not expect reference-quality
material: The video is sprinkled with lines, dirt, flecks, and an overall soft
image. It's not horrid, but it certainly does betray its age. The same goes for
the audio; while it's not bad, you will find it a touch uneven, with fluctuating
levels in the dialogue and the music. There's also some light hiss, but that's
it for any problems or distortion.

The set contains only two bonus items: an audio commentary and a featurette.
"The Ultimate Feminist Icon" (13.5 minutes) is the featurette, and it
discusses the lack of powerful female role models and how Wonder Woman came to
fill that niche. It's an interesting and informative piece, but you'll never
watch it again. Lynda Carter provides a commentary track for the season premiere
episode, "My Teenage Idol is Missing." I thought it was going to be a
loss, as she starts off very slowly, but she soon warms up and shares a good
deal of casual information about the show, the character, and other technical
details. It's not the best commentary, but it's the best bonus item on the set.
Also included with my set was a bonus disc containing an episode of the
television show Shazam!. I vaguely recall this show, with young Billy
Batson being able to transform into Captain Marvel. This episode was quite
awful, and if it's an indication of the entire show, it's all awful.

I'm taking the reverse order in this section because the bonus features
helped me reshape my thoughts on what I had just viewed. Watching this season, I
found it boring, campy, and just a hair shy of awful. After recent great
superhero films, I keep expecting more from them on television; but that's not
what we get. Over the course of this season, Wonder Woman faced the silliest of
problems, most of which never rose to the necessity of resolution via superhero.
"Oh, my cat is stuck in a tree. Help me, Wonder Woman!" Well, maybe
not that lame, but the season felt weak, flat, and lifeless. By the end, the
episodes had made me feel bitter. The show didn't bring me much joy at all --
aside from that goofy skateboarding scene -- and I was ready to go off and tear
the show a new one.

Then I listened to Lynda Carter talk on the commentary, and she made me
realize that I had the completely wrong set of expectations for her show. I
realized that what I had just watched was good, clean, wholesome fun meant to
empower women. With that dawning upon me, I can see that the show succeeded
despite its campiness in having fun and teaching young women that you could be
strong in those masculine times. Wonder Woman wasn't necessarily about saving
the world; it was about making a difference, be it to man or woman. As Lynda
Carter said, and I concur, let's hope this release of the series on DVD will
help young women find a positive, strong female role model. And, I'll add, one
that can look very hot but not slutty in a bodysuit.

With that aside, let's embark on a few random thoughts about this
season:

* Bad Acting: I mentioned this earlier, but it bears some quick elaboration.
Aside from Carter, who appears effortlessly comfortable in her role, and Lyle
Waggoner (Steve Trevor, in a reduced role), every guest star looks awkward and
out of place. Their performances are stilted, unnatural, and weak. Any aura of
believability evaporates when any of them opens their mouth.

* Guest Stars: It must have been all the rage to star in Wonder
Woman, for there is quite the bevy of supporting "talent" in these
episodes. From Leif Garret (pronounced "life," not "leaf" --
thanks, Lynda Carter!) to Ed Begley Jr. to Wolfman Jack to Roddy McDowall, you
never know who will pop up in the next episode.

* Ira and Rover: The first season of Wonder Woman was set in the
1940s, but Seasons Two and Three were moved to the "present" (late
1970s). In an effort to show how powerful and important the IADC was, computers
were given a starring role this year in the form of Ira and Rover. Ira was an
intelligent supercomputer that was used to provide insight into the problems
vexing Diana Prince. Rover was a mobile robot that resembled a mutated puppy.
Both were meant to show cutting-edge technology, but now they are extremely
campy, outdated relics of yesteryear...and just a plum bad idea.

* The Power Twirl: Wonder Woman's power comes from years of training on
Paradise Island. Why is it, then, that Diana must always twirl into the bodysuit
before using any of her "powers"? Why couldn't she just jump over that
building in her everyday wear? Why go and sneak behind a shack and twirl when
you could have done the same thing without the bodysuit? I did like the scene
where she was forced off the roof of a building and twirled in midair so she
could land as Wonder Woman...but, again, did she have to twirl?

* Ends with a Smile: It took me a few episodes to realize that they all end
on a freeze-frame of Diana smiling. It's not a big deal, just another indicator
of its inherent cheesiness.

* Lynda Carter: And speaking of that smile, we have Lynda Carter. The utmost
reason to want to watch this show is for Lynda, an exquisitely beautiful woman.
Those eyes, that face, that skin, that body...wow! Never overtly sexual, never
slutty, but always immensely attractive in her bodysuit, Lynda Carter knew how
to display her assets and make men melt. Even until a few years ago, I still
found Carter very attractive; she's lost her exotic beauty lately, but she still
looks quite good.

The Rebuttal Witnesses

The sixth episode of the season deserves special mention for being one of the
dumbest ideas of all time for a "mad villain." In this episode, a
mild-mannered female scientist develops an evil alter-ego persona with the name
of Formicida. The meek and mousy woman becomes "sultry" and bug-eyed
(think of the "runaway bride") and endowed with the power to control
ants! She uses them to wreak havoc on the city, and it's up to Wonder Woman to
stop this madwoman. Ants. "Oh no, not ants!" Yep; it really is that
dumb.

Closing Statement

Flip flop. Flip flop. I'm bitter about the show, but then Lynda Carter calms
me. But how do I really feel? I still feel that slight bitter taste of
disappointment from watching twenty-plus lackluster episodes, but I then realize
what the underlying goal is. Watch the scales tip back and forth; which way will
they ultimately fall? Right now, I have a hard time recommending this set. It
wasn't all that much fun; it has many weak stories and lots of bad acting; the
transfers are mediocre; and the bonus items are lacking. The price isn't all
that high, but I'm going to suggest you keep your money. With the deluge of
television on DVD, you have many far superior choices at your fingertips. Though
the idea of female empowerment is a noble one, and though Lynda Carter is simply
scrumptious in a bodysuit, they don't quite outweigh the burden of having to
watch this middling programming.

The Verdict

Wonder Woman: The Complete Third Season is hereby found guilty a
fashion faux pas. One woman cannot twirl into a bodysuit, or a bodysuit and a
cape, or a motorcycle outfit, or a full-body swimsuit, or skateboarding gear.
Unless she has an invisible bat-belt, it's just not possible to hide all those
options!