With my bank account shrinking, but everything on The Heather Gold Show zooming I’ve felt torn the last few days. I have a great, growing team, a growing audience, super content, a solid track record, a clear vision, good timing, many well-positioned advisors and friends who want to see me succeed, all kinds of momentum and the feeling in my heart and gut that I am absolutely doing the right thing.

But for the last few days a part of my head and self has been consumed with the bank account, constantly hearing a tick tick tick and doing the math and then worrying about it. None of that is helping me. I am working 12+ hour days and loving it. But I was raised in a “show me the money” environment and that worry was leading to some paralysis which was helping neither my show, start-up nor my bank account. But I don’t want to quit or get off the path I’m on.

Fortuitously an old, older friend called today. He started his own business some time ago. I outlined my money worries and he didn’t seem to know what to say. But once I asked him if this was what it was like when he started his business. He said,

“Absolutely, not 100% but 1000.”

I said, “When you started your business did you have a spreadsheet that proved exactly when everything would get above water financially and did that give you relief and confidence?”

“No. I never look at spreadsheets. I guess you could say that I winged it.”

And as we continued to talk my whole day and insides turned around. This moment, this is what it is. That moment when successful people look back and tell you about all the hamburgers they ate (as my friend did). I used to hear that as “Oh I sacrificed, you have to sacrifice too.” But that’s not it. What he was saying is that even though things aren’t proven on the outside (ie. the spreadsheet, the bank account) you know yourself, you know your momentum. It’s the not knowing and moving forward anyway. No hesitation.

I had and still have an image of a ship in waters you don’t know. But it’s full steam ahead.

I heard John Hodgeman say this about his path to success on The Sound of Young America podcast. I just filled in what goes around it. (Included in Be Yourself would be “do your work and put it out there.”)Do I create a structure / container / brand / plan first or do I play? This is a question many artists, entrepreneurs and anyone else endeavoring to live a creative, fulfilling life asks.This is the answer. But it implies you have a container within you. You act as your own authority, even if you’re not quite sure about it. Asume that you will be asked to do what makes sense. But people can only ask of you what they know of you.

Conservative Jews use their own their own traditional process to accept out queer rabbinical candidates at Jewish Theological Seminary. Tradition is made alive and relevant through the interpretation of the present and the authority of living teachers, not just he connection between tradition and the present

Nuggety goodness:

As Solomon Schechter explained a century ago, “It is not the mere revealed Bible that is of first importance to the Jew, but the Bible as it repeats itself in history, in other words, as it is interpreted by tradition.” That is why the fact of Leviticus 18:22 in and of itself did not free the CJLS or any other Conservative Jew from the need to debate the matter of gay and lesbian ordination.

The eminent historian Chancellor Gerson Cohen urged Conservative rabbis in 1972 to shape the movement in a way that was clearly and authentically Jewish but that would “also reflect our own formulation of Judaism, a formulation that will respond to our situation, our needs as Jews in America.” That need is once again clear and urgent. How shall we undertake to meet it?

The proper way to do so, I believe, is not for JTS to promulgate a set of standards for Conservative belief and behavior. It is, rather, to engage Conservative Jews in discussion of what matters to them and why.

The conversation and distributed network is the paradigm of our times and of ancient tribal times too. It is the method for reonciling legal elements that are at odds. It is the way to split the gordian know. I’ve heard Reva Siegal, Yale Law Prof. suggest as much about the history of 14th amendment litigation. That viewed over time as a conversation it makes sense of the otherwise unreconcilable contradiction that there is no literal text in the US Constitution making women full citizens of the US although courts (generally) act as thought we are.

My guess at the secreat behind all of this ? No way for Jews to keep musical theatre without the queers.

Here’s an awesome mash-up: Avenue Jew (I would embed the video if WordPress didn’t make it so difficult to find my API key. Any geeks with ideas?).

This is the most interesting stuff I’ve read that feels both intellectually honest and open to what we may not have known but religions and spiritualities often assume.

To say it more simply: is there some way to find scientfic inquiry or explanation into what we may feel but cannot prove about the interconnectedness of all people, the way thought and intention (sometimes called prayer) affect actions in the world, serendipity, the consciousness of matter. You know all that stuff that gets referred to as soul or God (or another name for it) from spiritual traditions.

I find when I make things (essays, plays, comedy, video etc) that the thing i am making eventually tels me what it needs. Stuart Skorman, an entrepreneur (reel.com, Elephant Pharmacy)I’ve done some consulting with says the same thing about creating a business.

Perhaps this means there is consciousness in everything and if you listen to it, it will tell you what is next. I don’t buy science and spirituality as mutually exclusive. Mostly becasue there are always so much we don’t understand that we can only come to see if we look for it.

I’ve been enjoying this discussion on Andrew Sullivan’s blog. In fact, I’ve been enjoying his blog a lot. It feels a lot more honest about politics than much of what I read in the major papers.