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How to become a martial arts master in China:
Smoke 3 grams of PCP. Huff 2 cans of computer duster. Spin around 2000 times. Chug one bottle of diet coke and quickly eat two packets of mint Mentos. Then pretend you're on fire while screaming and flailing around like an idiot. You're looking for an "emperor's new clothes" effect on the audience where they think you must know what you're doing, because nobody being that crazy could just be a nutjob. Then everyone will tell themselves you have to be a kung fu master, cause they wouldn't just let some crazy guy hop around like that unless he actually knew what he was doing.﻿