Thursday, February 26, 2009

Proverbs 12:26A righteous man is cautious in friendship,but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait one second, aren't we supposed to love everyone? Aren’t we supposed to be kind to everyone and even pray for our enemies? If we're cautious in friendship, aren't we holding something back? Shouldn't we throw out our friendship to anyone and everyone that needs it like Mrs. Kappopoluos gave out Werther's caramels in seventh grade? She wasn't cautious. If you came into the principal's office you could grab a piece of candy from the bowl on her desk. It was right there for everyone. Shouldn't our friendship be like that?

Those are some of the thoughts that went through my head when I first read this verse, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. It's not encouraging us to be jerks, it's challenging us to be wise in the way we share the gift of friendship. Because friendship is not a one way street. When you become a friend of someone, a true friend, you invite them to shape your life to a degree. You invite them to influence you and challenge you and impact you. And that’s a dangerous gift to be cavalier with. Proverbs 13:20 says that "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Matthew 7:6 says "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces."

Friendship is sacred and if you're not careful with it, you run the risk of being trampled.

I'm sorry. I totally hijacked a serious post to dis katdish. But I couldn't help it.

I think this makes me a "friend" who should be avoided.

Okay. My real reaction: I suspect the authors of Boundaries were thinking of this passage when they wrote their book.

Intimacy is slippery. When I was young, I slid between the extremes of giving nothing of myself and sharing too much. Figuring out who I allowed to shape my life has been a long journey.

Today I think I err on the side of overcautiousness, at least initially. Give me time (or the distance that comes with an internet connection) and I can be very open. But I'm a lot more willing to take it slow. I think that's okay.

I am a very cautious person by nature - but in one friendship perhaps not cautious enough. My husband and I became very good friends with another Christian couple from church; only to find out we were clearly not in the same place spiritually and unfortunately, my husband and I retreated to their level. We have since then made a break from them(with God's guidance) and are getting back to where we need to be. Sometimes we are just not strong enough to be in certain relationships - tough lesson to learn. Thanks for the post Jon!

I've copied this post to give to my 10 year old when he gets home from school. We've been trying to teach this same stuff to him. He wants to be friends with kids who seem "cool" who aren't very kind to him, or to others. Thanks for the back-up!