Welcome to the National Runaway Safeline Forum, where you can post your questions, thoughts, and concerns about what it's like to be a teenager or a parent. If there's something you've been wondering about, please ask. Chances are good that a lot of other people have been wondering the same thing.

hating my step dad and my mom treating me differently

02-06-2018, 11:22 PM

so my dad passed away 5 years ago and my mom wanted to date, which i was fine with. i loved helping my mom with her boyfriends until she actually found the one. i was so happy for her and i met the guy and he was pretty nice. but it all went too fast. a few months he was already living with us and his 3 kids and i already had my mom, my sister, and my brother and i, so i was kinda protective. when the kids and my step dad settled in, it was awkward but as soon as i started to get to know my step dad i began not liking him. he treats me like i’m HIS kidw when he isn’t! my mom is my parent, don’t boss me around. he also gets to much into stuff. i just wish i had my old life back without my stepdad and his kids. i loved that life even though i didn’t have my dad. i talked to my friends about my step dad and they were just like tell your mom how you feel about your stepdad, but i was afraid to because she was happy with him. but i had enough so i told her one day. she did not look happy like she was upset at me for sharing my feelings. i even told her i didn’t want to tell her because i knew it would hurt her feelings. but after she seemed okay. then the next morning she treated me like **** and treating everyone else kindly. i didn’t want to believe that it was just me she acted pissed at but it did seem like it. she keeps on acting this way and i don’t know what to do!? should i talk to her about how she has been treating me? should i ignore it and just act like i don’t realize she is being mean? please help i just don’t want anymore stress on me

Hey,
Thanks for writing in! It sounds like you’re going through a pretty difficult time and it’s understandable that you would be stressed. It was really brave of you to talk to your mom about how you were feeling and it’s unfortunate that it didn’t work out how you had hoped. We are a non-directive organization, meaning we can’t give advice, but it might not hurt to talk to your mom again. It’s also an option to ignore the meanness, but there’s the possibility that ignoring the problem will build resentment in the both of you. Sometimes it can be helpful to have another adult around to keep the conversation productive. You might consider asking a therapist or another family member to help you talk to your mom again. Here at NRS, we’re also able to facilitate a conversation as well.

Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

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My stepfather is mean to my mom not in bad way he tells her she needs to get out of bed and walk around her legs hurt her all the time and he says you don't remember things she is 65 years old he has been so stupid

IP

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It’s great that you’re trying to be supportive of your mom in this situation and totally understandable that you would be feeling upset about this. You could try talking to him about how it affects you when you hear these kinds of comments, because he may not realize how it’s affecting you. If you feel like you’ve already done this and it doesn’t help, you could definitely try reaching out to us at 1-800-Runaway, and we can work through some of your options with you. You can also call just to talk if you’re feeling overwhelmed by all of this and just need to talk about it, we’re here to listen.

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Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We would like to be of assistance to you if we can. It is times like these that would be nice to have a listening ear. It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care. You did well by reaching out to NRS. Good for you.
We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat so that we might learn a little more about your situation and how we might assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us

Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

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So my parents broke up and my mom wanted to have a father figure for me but remember I’m only 12 so when she found this guy he was pretty nice the first days where really good until I met his step daughter she was a nightmare anyways he moved into MY home but my step sister did not, she is so mean to when my stepdad is around I ask her for water and as soon as my stepdad in she starts yelling at me to get to my room and don’t talk to her then we will be having a normal conversation and she is a happy mood and when my stepdad walks right into the room she starts screaming at me to go to my room. And I hate it when my stepdad tells me I need to get a job and get out of the house and get off your video games. FIRST OF ALL YOUR THE ONE IN MY HOUSE AND YOUR COMPLAINING ABOUT ME NOT HAVING A JOB IM ONLY 12 YEARS OLD. I couldn’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth I was so angry and so upset with him and his step daughter I wish my mom would find a new bf or maybe even be single I can’t take this anymore.

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Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We would like to be of assistance to you if we can.
It sounds like it has been pretty tough trying to adjust to the new situation with your mom and dad separating, a her new boyfriend and his daughter.
We understand that this is a lot to take in.
It is times like these that would be nice to have a listening ear.
To try and bring some peace to the situation you might consider talking with your mom about the changes and how they are affecting you.

It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care. You did a good job by reaching out to NRS. Good for you.
We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat so that we might learn a little more about your situation and how we might assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us

Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

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i HATE my step-dad reason is when i was born my birth dad never wanted me and when i was five my mother found a man my step-dad he...he hit me and touched me.
and i wished that he loved me all i ever wanted in my life was for him to love me but he never did he did drugs and other things i dont wanna talk about i have OCD and he made fun of me for it
he aways said i was never good enuff....it...it hurts i want to leave this place i wanna leave and never come back. he hits my mom...very hard

IP

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Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

My mom got divorced from my dad when I was little about 5 years old and I always loved being with my dad because he was stable and had a (home) witch my mom did not have and she couldn’t take care of me and My siblings. even though I actually wanted to live/be with my mom I couldn’t because she was always gone. After a few years went by my mom met this guy that she fell in love with and I actually met him and he was great , well my mom married him moved in an apartment with him so I figured I would live with my mom and figure out how things went with her since I never really new her well when I was younger . So of course after a while I noticed a lot about my (step - dad ) every time my mom and him got in an argument he would talk mean about me and my biological siblings and talk about how he bought everything (which he did the 3vehicles and the apartment +) and my mom never talks to me around him she just...i don’t know forgot about me . So I came to a conclusion that I’m mentally unstable because I feel I have no other choice on what to do my dad has an empty room so Iv been thinking I should move back in with him but my mom said she wasn’t ever going to talk to me again if I move in with him and that she has reasons for that . My mom has been through a lot with him ( step - dad) like things that are really mean of him too do and say but she won’t leave him iv been crying for a while now I need some time to think .

IP

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Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to have your mom ignore you and your stepdad speak ill of you and your siblings. It seems like the tension at home is starting to wear on you and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do next. It may be a good idea to speak with your dad directly about your thoughts on moving back in with him and if you would want to live there full-time or part-time.

You mentioned that you feel like you are mentally unstable - it can be really hard to live with mental health issues and we want you to know that you aren’t alone in addressing them. If you’d like some additional support, an organization that may be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text them by sending NAMI to 741741. Another agency that could be of great help is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), they can help you locate low or no cost mental health care providers in your area. Their number is 1-877-726-4727 or you can go to their site at samhsa.gov.

It sounds like your mom isn’t listening to you when you are trying to express your thoughts and feelings about your current situation and her threats to shut you out if you leave must be really hurtful. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your mom so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

My parents divorced when I was about 4 or 5 and my brother was 1. For a while everything was fine me my mom and brother were ok. My mom got a job and i visited my dad a lot. But a few years later when I was 7 my mom met this guy who had 2 kids. He seemed ok at first. Then before I knew it they were getting married. Me my mom and my brother moved to where my stepdad lives. My stepdad had a way of punishing his kids and for a while my mom went along with it. Then eventually it stopped. They just punished us by grounding us. My stepdad thinks I don’t have a right to privacy. My mom for years has told him that I could lock my bedroom door and that he had to knock. But then he snapped. He tried to barge in my room but it was locked and he got angry and punched a small hole in the door. He said he was trying to knock but got angry but I don’t believe him. My mom does. I keep telling her about my problems with him and she get mad at me for saying this stuff. Staying with my dad full time is not an option because I dont like it there. I ask my mom sometimes about family therapy but she doesn’t listen. She has been mostly ignoring my since I became a teenager. She never defends me when my stepdad talks bad about me. But she does get angry when I try to defend myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. When we have a bad fight I usually end up upset during school. I so close to just giving up and ignoring everyone

IP

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Thank you for reaching out to us and telling us your story. It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time right now and we hope to be able to help. New families can be hard to adjust to and we are sorry to hear that you step dad is not making things easy for you and your mom is not hearing your side. One service we can offer is to conference call with your parents. This way you could have a conversation with your parents but you would not be alone. For example, it may be hard for you to explain to your mom how it feels when she does not have your back when you have issues with your stepdad and how you would like to see things change at home. Sometimes those conversations go better in a conference call because we can advocate for you. Therapy can be a great way to express how you feel and find ways to help you cope with all the new changes. Even if your mom does not want to do family therapy you can still speak to someone on your own. You can contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) to connect you to mental health resources at 1-800-950-6264 or NAMI.org You may also want to talk to your school because they should have a counselor for you.

Again, thank you for contacting us. It sounds like you’ve been going through a really hard time, but you’ve shown a lot of strength by working through these challenges and reaching out for help. If you would like to share more, please feel free to call our 24 hour hotline at 1-800Runaway (786-2929) or use our live chat. We hope this information was helpful and take care.

Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

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I can't stand my step- dad. I lost my dad 3-4 years ago. And I found out that my mom was seeing this guy in 2017. I had no idea who he was. I met the guy, but I wasn't too sure if I wanted to trust him. He as saying to my mom that he got divorced to his ex- wife. About one month later of 2017 I found out my mom was engaged to him I wasn't happy my family wasbtw happy about it. My mom didn't want to invite me or some of my family members. So we decided to go to their small wedding. I noticed he was mad about it that we showed up. Then we moved to a different house. He has 3 kids they all moved out. About 1-2 years later my mom had changed she doesn't want to see my side of the family we only have to see his side of the family. And I don't think that's right. And now him and I don't like each other all he does is complain about everything, him and I got into a fight 4 days ago. My one step- sister she doesn't like my mom because she won't let my mom hold her son. Which is odd because she only let's me and my step- dad to hold him, but not her. I'm happy she's happy, but I just can't stand his attitude towards me. My mom doesn't do nothing. And I don't want to tell her that he's bad news he's no good, I don't know him that well, but she thinks she knows him a lot my family and I don't know him that well even my older brother doesn't like him and I see why. Sometimes, my step- dad starts with his crap on me or others, but my mom doesn't do nothing about it. He never apologizes for nothing. And it really upsets me and gets me mad that's not the kind of man I don't want for my mom to be with. Sometimes I wish I don't want her marrying him. I still respect my dad and his family and my family. But it feels like he doesn't respect them all. I just hate his disrespectful and his attitude towards me and my dad's family and my mom's and I side of the family.

I need advice?

thank you for understanding.

IP

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Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. We're so sorry to hear of your dad's passing and it's completely understandable that you want to keep your relationship with his side of the family intact, despite your stepdad's feelings on the matter.

It sounds like your mom isn’t fully understanding you when you are trying to relay your thoughts and feelings about the current situation with your stepdad. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your mom so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.