Who is your favorite individual or group musical performer? Favorite genre? Why?

My favorite genre is rock because it's fast and exciting. Currently my favorite group is Los Lobos, a Latin influence rock band from East Los Angeles (my favorite band changes frequently). I like their music cause it's fast and exciting but has a certain softness to it.

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Feb 8 2013:
Haley, I really appreciate your openness. Just out of curiosity, does your mother work, or how does she pay her bills? Does she have any job skills?Do you think she still uses drugs, or is it just alcohol? Why do you think she abuses alcohol?When you guys have a relatively pleasant conversation, what does she like to talk about? What are her interests that you consider relatively "healthy," like maybe she likes certain TV programs, or likes to go for walks, or something else.By the way, I put another new set of comments down there, or maybe up there, if you didn't see them they're there, if you just didn't want to reply, cool.

Feb 9 2013:
She does not work, and she is on disability. One of her ex boyfriends cut her arm and now she has no feeling in her forearm and hand, so it makes it hard to work sometimes. I am not sure what her job skills would be, but I know that she is creative and has some talent in making arts and crafts, and she has a great singing voice.

When we have pleasant conversations we talk about what I have been up to lately or we talk about good things that have happened in the past. We don't really talk a lot. When we do talk she talks a lot about her health.

She likes music and she likes to tan outside in the summer. I don't know what else she does. I hardly ever see her. Sometimes I go over a year without seeing her.

Feb 11 2013:
Well, Haley, it's just interesting to me to hear about your relationship. When she talks about her health, what aspect of it? Her forearm and hand? How do you feel when she talks about her health, is it boring, or interesting, or what?

You guys talk on the telephone?

What sort of music does she like? Do people tan in Kansas, I live about thirty miles from the ocean, so people tan here, but I didn't know they did in Kansas. What do they do, just lie outside in the backyard? Does your mom have her own house where she could lie outside in the backyard?

I wonder what else she does, cause I don't think you can fill your days all year just listening to music and tanning. I wonder if she goes to live concerts, that would be fun.

Jan 30 2013:
Haha I like a perfect circle a lot. Tool is something I would listen to when I meditate, well a lot of the songs. Some of Maynard's lyrics seem angry in his earliest created songs.

I was able to listen to this music with this song (Velvet Underground). I liked the beat I think that is why. With other songs sometimes my mind focus mostly on the singer. I usually am attracted to the drum beat when I just listen to the music and not focus on the singer.

I definitely listen to happier sounding music when I am happy, and in the summer a lot when I am feeling laid back and relaxed.

Some women have a grouchiness that can flare into anger, as well as men. Or perhaps I only listen to angry music during my menstrual cycle. :) Hahaha. I think my anger stems from unresolved issues from my childhood.

I am studying at a university, but not of music. I just have a passion for music. I also have a passion for art and other subjects. I am studying to become an Elementary teacher or Social worker after I get my bachelors. Once I have received a bachelors I would love to continue my education and receive a masters in most likely Psychology, or maybe Family Studies.

I am listening to the The Plimsouls song you sent me. It is a treat for your ears. :) I enjoy it

Here are two interesting songs that are pretty different, if you would like

Feb 2 2013:
Thanks, Haley. A lot of great music. When you say meditation, you mean you sit down, put on some music, and think. Do you think about the music, or your life, or what?

Interesting that your ears are sometimes drawn to the drums. Do you know why? I'm going to try that, focusing on the drums when I listen to music, just as a different way to listen.

That's a good point, that men are angry too. Maybe women get more angry from moment to moment, but men must carry around anger too, because they commit a lot more crimes than women. Right now I believe there are 3 million guys in jail or prison in the U.S.

What would be the connection between anger and a woman's menstrual cycle? Just physical pain?

What are you angry about from your childhood? I remember you saying on another conversation, uh, didn't your grandmother raise you? That would be tough. Maybe you can turn it into a TED conversation, ask people if their childhoods were happy or not, and why. Ask them how they've resolved issues.

You know, if you want to be a teacher or social worker, that's great. I've seen a couple of photos of you on TED, and you have a really cool image, good style. I wonder if you could do a job where you actually use your style, because after all even the drabbest person could be a teacher or social worker. For a job in the music industry, it would really help to look cool. You could be a performer, record producer, maybe run a nightclub or larger venue. Even as a music critic it would help to look cool, because even if they don't publish your picture, it still helps to look cool when you're interviewing rock stars, going to concerts, and so on. A job in the fashion industry might also be good for someone with good style.

The John Butler is nice, quite intense. Who do you think loves more intensely in a relationship, men or women?

I work my belly when I work out but not quite as strong as belly dancing. Wonder why women like belly dancing more?

Feb 2 2013:
Usually whenever I meditate I do sit down, or even lay down. I think about life in general. Sometimes I think about my life. Sometimes I think about how we are all connected and I focus on that and feeling connected to the Earth. Sometimes I try not to think but to visualize something beautiful in my mind (which is funny because when you ask something to visualize beauty in their mind and tell you what it is, there are so many varied responses.) I usually visualize myself sitting on a tropical beach, at night surrounded by a crisp night sky where I can see much more stars than here, listening to the waves and the fire, I am always sitting by a night campfire.) Interesting to me, what do you think you would visualize?

I don't know why I am drawn to the drums, but I do have a slight fascination with tribes. I watch a bit of documentaries on tribes, and love the tribal music that they play during ceremonies. The drum beats are quite strong in their music. It's great.

I believe you're right on the anger topic , it is probably fairly equally spread between men and women, but I am not sure. The connection between anger and a woman's menstrual cylce would be raging hormones that cause drastic mood swings :) and sometimes cramping. Hehe.

Anger in my childhood stems from various situations. I am fairly open about the topic and I get a little embarrassed about it when people give my pity. I understand though, that it is something some people can't help but feel a bit of pity. I was (and my two brothers, but not my half brothers) taken away from my mom when I was only 6, because of abuse from my step father and major neglect from both of them. I lived with my grandma (and boy was that a difficult transition) from then on. I had visitation with my father every summer in Georiga that my grandparents made sure that I had. When I was 8 years old I had a very bad summer visitation with my father and endured some sexual abuse from him. When I made it back to my grandparents......

Feb 2 2013:
...... home in Kansas I wanted to tell them, but waited months before I finally did. Then my brother's were told what happened and that was rough for me. I felt guilty that because I told my brother's were never going to see my dad again. I felt loads of guilt and embarrassment. Anyways, I haven't seen or spoken to my father since then. (Although he did send me a letter about a week ago, and he is waiting for my reply to it. I am thinking about if I should respond or not still.) I would love to hear responses from a Tedtalk on this subject, but I would also fear that people would believe that I am fishing for pity. I wouldn't want that, but it is nice to share my story and hear others'.

Thanks for the compliment on my style. I don't feel nearly stylish as a lot of girls I see on campus! I often try to look nice, and often times I don't try at all. hahaha. I don't believe the cool lifestyle would really be for me. I just want to help people. That's all I want to do with my life. Hopefully I am able to help children in some way. I am sure you can understand why I want to ^^^. But I am flattered with the compliment!

I couldn't tell you who loves more intensely. That is a great question. I think it may be equal, but a lot of men have difficulty showing their love in ways that a woman can understand that he loves her. But I am sure it's about equal.

Feb 3 2013:
Well, as far as meditation, I really don't, Haley. Basically when I lie down, I have enough to think about, projects, problems, people, the world, that I don't just relax my mind and think of nice scenes. And I like it this way, I'm glad to have stuff that I need to work on. Although I'm not saying meditation is just fun and games either. When I just let my mind go, probably it's to sexual thoughts, I guess a lot of guys are this way.

I'm sorry you've had those troubles in your life. It certainly doesn't seem to me you're looking for pity when you tell your story. What was the nature of the neglect you suffered, and the abuse from your stepfather? Do you see your mother now? Is she still with your stepfather, and do you see him? Who would you say are the most positive relationships in your life?

As far as your style goes, well, other girls may have better style in some ways, like business style, or high society style. I think you have Rockin' style, which is its own special. I still think of music with you, you do realize that making music helps people too? Helps them forget their problems or see them in a new light, helps them put their feelings into words, sometimes helps them meet their mate at a concert. How important is fun to you? Do you think you should have fun at your job? That you, Haley, deserve to have fun? Let's say you could help people just as much as a musician as being a teacher, but have more fun, would you be a musician? Do you think you could get on stage and be the lead singer of a band, or play an instrument? Or perhaps do a behind-the-scenes job, like producer? We're all different, but to me being a teacher or social worker might be a good job, but it just doesn't sound like much fun. If you changed your mind, obviously there are a lot of ways to get involved in music, for instance if you have friends in bands you could start hanging with them more.

Feb 20 2013:
Sorry I had to delete my comments about my mom. I am just feeling too emotional about this topic. But I will tell you that she has lied to me in the past, usually over phone calls that my grandmother would monitor while I would talk to my mom. You must know there were many times in my life that my mom was not even allowed visitation to see me (because of her addictions). I have to change the subject because I am getting mad thinking about everything. Sorry!

Feb 20 2013:
Well, I'm sorry you've had troubles, Haley. I guess I'm lucky, I've had a pretty good relationship with my mom. I can understand your having strong emotions, well to me it seems better to talk about it, am I wrong about that? Obviously you don't have to answer my questions right away (or ever if you don't want to), but you can always wait until some of those strong emotions have passed. I hope your mom will solve some of her problems, and also the two of you will be close.

I'd say I always tend to like the more modern art. One thing about up-to-the-minute art is it is fresh because you haven't seen it many times before like you have the older art.

Burning man is a festival in the desert in Nevada. I think people have to go in with few resources and live for a few days, or only the resources they can carry, or something like that. I'm sure if you want to go you can find a way, as I said contact networks of people in Kansas who have gone or contact the festival organizers and ask what you can do if you don't have much money and you want to go. If nothing else you might be able to catch a ride with the people in Kansas who are going the next year. Or put the question on the Net, "how can I go to burning man if I don't have much money?" and see what comes up. Or make it a TED conversation, why not?

Feb 20 2013:
It's okay. You're right that it may be better to talk about the emotions, it is still hard. I just bought a journal , so maybe that will help?

II agree with you. I paint myself and love art, but I can't tell you the names of many artists or their pieces. I do like Banksy a lot lately. :) I like making art more than looking at art. I haven't made a painting in a while. The last art I made was a collage. The last painting I did was a watercolor realistic looking heart. That was months ago. I want to create something new. But I am not like some people that can paint everyday. Often I feel like I have to let the idea of the artwork come to me, rather than me strive for ideas of what to paint. In order for me to love it it has to be that way. That is why I do so badly when people ask me to paint certain things for them . I do it, but often times I don't like the outcome. I am hard on myself with my paintings though. I always want to do the best that I feel I am able to do.

My boyfriend has a friend who went to Burning Man. I may ask him to talk to him about it.

Feb 21 2013:
I don't know if a journal will help, for me I'm not too high on them but they might help some.

Thanks for sharing your feelings about art. That's a great attitude, to wait til the art comes to you, but could you be a professional artist and do that, you might have to produce on a schedule.

For Banksy I can appreciate his creativity but if he is doing graffiti outlaw that is wrong. Having lived in parts of Los Angeles where there is plenty graffiti I can tell you it is ugly and stress-producing no matter how well done. Others may disagree.

I'm sure you can get to Burning Man if you want to. I wonder who exactly puts it on, an organization? Maybe they have a Kansas contact. Are there any festivals similar to B.M. in Kansas? When my energy is higher I'll ask about it too, how you can go if you don't have much $, have you enabled e-mail on your profile, I'll email it to you whatever I find out. If Burning Man is about survival skills, Haley, you know there are classes in survival all over the country, but you're right they probably don't combine them with culture like Burning Man.

Thanks a lot for conversing with me as this conversation is nearing its end. If it closes and you want to talk, email me via my profile.

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Feb 17 2013:
Thanks, Haley. What is the nature of her sickness, and what does she say about it?

Would you say you like your mother? Why or why not?

I wonder if you, or you and your boyfriend, could take her to a concert, maybe that would be enjoyable for all of you. You could do it for a special occasion, like Christmas or her birthday, or just on an ordinary day for the pleasure of being together.

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Feb 20 2013:
When you say different sicknesses, do you mean like the cold and the flu?

If that's really true that addiction rules her life, that is sad. What is your evidence that addiction rules her life? When or where has she lied to you? If you hardly know her, how do you say she has lied to you a lot, because if she has lied to you a lot, that means you've had some interaction with her, true or not true? In other words, to some degree you do know her? Or maybe if she lies a lot you don't feel like you know the real her?

Does she ever express any positive ambitions or desires? What are they? Are they realistic?

Haley, I hope all your memories aren't painful. One nice thing about taking Mom to a concert is there aren't too many opportunities to lie, it's pretty straightforward, you pick her up, take her to the concert, take her home. But there are cheap things you can do if you want to spend time with her. Even just taking a walk. Are you scared she would lie to you on a walk?

I wonder if there's some way you could go to burning man without having a lot of money (not necessarily with your mom)? I think in some parts of the country there are groups of people who have been to burning man in the past and get together wherever they live, like in Kansas, just because they have burning man in common. Maybe you could find one of those groups, maybe by searching online, and ask if there is any cheap way to go to burning man. Tell them you don't have much money. My friend in Los Angeles went to burning man and now he gets together with other people in Los Angeles who went to it. Maybe there's some rich person in the Kansas group who went to it and who will sponsor you or partially sponsor you.

I appreciate your talking with me. I usually think that in the end kids can get close to their parents because parents had enough love to bring the kid into the world, but I could be wrong about it.

Feb 3 2013:
Well, am I looking at it right here, right? Cute, good sense of humor with the tongue sticking out. I like how your head is tilted and partially out of the frame, it's more original than just looking straight-on. Seems like you're a talented person, ever written a song?

I actually added two new sets of comments for you below, Haley, I don't know if it will be confusing when TED sends you an email alert.

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Feb 3 2013:
So basically you really didn't have a mother and father growing up. So what I'm wondering, Haley, is does it matter if one has a mother and father as long as one has loving older people in one's life, is there anything really so special about a mother and father per se?

Do your mother and you ever have times when you're clicking, when she's not crying and awkward, but you're talking about life and really connecting with each other?

If your father sexually abused you at age eight, that's pretty heavy. Would that possibly be a police matter? To me you don't seem like a person who would go to the police about things. Why is that, or what would be your thinking on that?

Again, I'm sorry that all happened to you. Seems to me you're handling it all pretty well in the present, you have some very positive relationships, and the relationships that aren't so good you're trying to figure out what to do about them. Which is pretty much everybody's situation, don't you think?

I can say that when I was little I thought I was going to be a singer. And I do have a friend who is in a band. But I am quite shy. Being in the spotlight is not my thing. I would probably be like Jim Morrison at first from the Doors and sing with my back facing the audience. haha. I would prefer more to do art. I paint quite a lot, and I almost majored in Art. It is a therapy for me. I'm still very undecided in what I will major in. I just know I want to help children. I think that I will have a lot of fulfillment in my life if I have done that. I want to also be able to see the changes that I have made within people's life. I need that reassurance to know I am doing something right.

I did think a lot about majoring in Anthropology. But majoring in Anthropology conflicts with another dream of mine. Although I have always dreamed of traveling, I still dream of having a family and raising a child. Raising a child is probably my biggest dream.

Feb 3 2013:
Well, don't forget, not all jobs in music mean being in the spotlight. And anyway, you're saying after a while you could become comfortable in the spotlight, just not at first. I would say your Rockin' Style is a special talent you have, and I believe if people have a special talent they should seek to share that with the world.
Art is rockin', but not as rockin' as music. Working with children is rockin', but not as rockin' as music. Anthropology is rockin', but not as rockin' as music. Do you agree with me that it's important to choose something that actually gives you fun, it shouldn't just be about helping other people, there should be something in it for Haley? Cause maybe music would be the most fun for you.

My most desired job, if I could do anything, would be to be a dairy farmer. A long time ago, I fell in love with the idea of cows, milk, outdoors, country, nature. The city where I live is right on the edge of Los Angeles, and there is no agriculture in my city. I stay here because my mother and sister live here, and my brother lives nearby, and I like being close to them. But dairy #1.

Do you think it would ever interest you to be a dairy farmer, or a dairy farmer's wife?

Feb 4 2013:
I know that music can help a lot of people going through struggles in life, as it helped me a bit. But I don't think music helps as much as someone going out on the job saving a child from child abuse would. Which is why I am seeking that. I have made it my life purpose to help children specifically and I don't think I could help children with music (unless I want to be like Miley Cyrus or something.) The only way I could feel that I could help children with music is if I taught music classes to children.

My boyfriend I don't think would ever be a dairy farmer. So I would never marry one. I would never be one either, I don't like milk actually, I have to take calcium vitamins everyday. When I was a baby I was lactose intolerant, I only drank goats milk, I believe.

Feb 7 2013:
Yeah, I would say music can help children in a lot of ways. For example, starting from a young age, it gives them happiness and entertainment. In junior high and high school there are dances that bring the two sexes together, partly over music. In fact, throughout your life there are dances that bring people together, and to dance you need music. Concerts the same. Some kids wouldn't even be here if their parents hadn't met at a concert!

Saving a kid from child abuse would also be great! My intuition about you, even though I don't know you that well, is that fun, having fun, matters to you. I tend to think music would be more fun than social worker. You know best.

Remember, if you're ever not sure about your choice, since you said you thought about art and anthro too, you can always talk to a college counselor.

I hope I can get you interested in milk again, or that life will get you interested in milk again! I just love the stuff and drink a great deal. It is the first food we consume, and nature provides it to be really good for us, plus it tastes delicious!

Jan 25 2013:
This is a difficult one. I'm one of those who would be depressed without a day of music.
For some strange reason I usually love UK pop, since the days of Spice Girls I've come to love UK bands and acts (Westlife (Irish), The Corrs (Irish?), Lemar, CraigDavid, Adele, Jessie Jay, Sade Adu, Sugababes, Leona Lewis, Seal, Atomic Kitten, Girl's Aloud, Coldplay, S Club 7, Blue,One Direction.......

I love love songs; the British usually keep things clean and they sound as though they have more depth; the Americans tend to add all sorts of things that are in my opinion 'dirt'. But I love American acts like BoyzIImen, MaryMary, Brandon Heath, Backstreet Boys, Kelly Clarkson, Alicia Keys, Taylor Swift, Bridget Mendler, Selena Gomes; 'Sometimes' by Britney Spears is the only one of her song that II still play.

As a Yoruba from Nigeria, Lagbaja touches me in a way most of the musicians dont...deep into the heart of 21st century Yoruba life, philosphy and rhythm. Wow; I love music, I play the piano and I can talk about music all day.

Jan 30 2013:
The song on your link does have a good sound. Lagbaja's lyrics reflects the life, philosophy and rhythmn on the Yorubas, not mine personally.
I like songs with lyrics that maintain dignity, purity and positive values. The kind that I can play when kids are there without being uncomfortable.

Feb 3 2013:
When I listened to Lagbaja, it seemed to me the lyrics were in a language other than English, Feyisayo. What specifically is he singing about, I'd appreciate it if you didn't just give a general answer, like he's singing about life, but what is he saying about life, and how is what he's saying specifically Yoruban?

Oh, when you said clean and dirty, I thought you were talking about production values, sometimes I think music could be called clean when it's very simple and bright-sounding, or dirty when it maybe has a fuzzy or scratchy sound. You're talking about the moral values, which is different. Here you've really caught me, Feyisayo. Part of me totally agrees with you, but part of me says you can put on one kind of music when kids are in the room, and another kind when kids aren't in the room. I'm afraid I just can't decide.

Jan 24 2013:
I enjoy a wide variety of sounds. I enjoy listening to trance, choir music, reggae, and a wide range of artists from Moby to the African Children's Choir. It depends on my mood. Here are a couple fantastic songs.

Jan 27 2013:
Thanks, Haley. Those are both really cool. How would you describe that music in words, "dreamy," "cloud-like," or what? How did you find the Adiemus?

I was wondering, do you think there's music women like more? They say there's "chick lit" (chick literature), literature that women like more, and "chick flicks," movies that women like more. Maybe music is the same way?

What moods do you go through, and what music do you listen to in each mood? Do you know why your mood changes?

I'll send you a link to two songs I like. Let me know how they strike you:

Jan 27 2013:
Hmm I would say dreamy.
Sometimes when I feel just in a fine mood I can listen to anything, most likely I would listen to something upbeat. When I am angry I may listen to something more like A Perfect Circle. Last night I was listening to music in the car, I was listening to Lateralus from Tool that my boyfriend introduced to me, and it was very trance-like. There were hardly any lyrics and the sounds kind of took me away. But often times I listen to music with romantic lyrics, like I think a lot of women do. Women usually seek romance, and romantic lyrics seem fitting for most of us. haha. I can't explain why. I found the Adiemus song after searching for a song named Adiemus that I sang in choir, then I came upon Rain Dance.

I am listening to the Velvet Underground song. It reminds me of something I would listen to during the summer. Very calm. I like it. I haven't looked into all of the lyrics much, so I am not in particularly paying attention to them. If I read what they were or knew the lyrics being sang, to me it changes the listening experience.

Social Distortion sounds familiar to me, I am wondering if I have heard it before. It sounds unique to me, I like it more than the Velvet Underground song. Both are good songs in my opinion. Thanks for sharing them with me!

Jan 28 2013:
Thanks, Haley. I've been checking out Tool and Perfect Circle, not bad. It sounds like stoner music to me?

I was wondering, when you listened to the Velvet Underground, you were able to listen to the music and not the singer? I can't do this, my ear and brain naturally go to the singer first. How do you do that?

Do you see a connection between your mood and what you listen to? For instance, when happy do you listen to happy music, sad listen to sad, etc.? Or maybe it's the opposite, when happy listen to sad music?

You said you're sometimes angry? What makes you angry? It seems to me most women have a grouchiness to them that can quickly flare into anger. I wonder where that comes from?

You talk quite well about music. Are you planning to have a career, or be a homemaker? Perhaps you could be a music critic, write about music for a living.

Jan 27 2013:
Faisel, what signifies to you that a recording is "honest"? Is it just a feeling that you get? What would make a recording "dishonest"?

What is the relationship between the emotion one is feeling, and the music one listens to? For instance, if one is happy, does one listen to happy music? Or might one listen to sad music, to counterbalance one's happiness?

Just out of curiosity, there is a stereotype that Brits are rather conservative, proper, not very demonstrative. I wonder how they've produced so much great rock music, which is rather the opposite?

The Port St. Willow is quite nice. It's interesting, if I had stumbled on this music by myself by accident, I don't believe I would have liked it. But when someone else, such as yourself, provides me the link, I suddenly really like it. Having someone else provide the link opens my mind, I guess, and also makes me more inclined to like it because I know somebody else who does. It looks to me like it has gotten more views, perhaps because you placed the link here. How did you find this music?

I provided a couple of links to songs in my answer to Haley above. But hearing this great music from people like you, I'm not quite as enamored of the stuff I've liked.

One more question: for people who don't like music, why do you think that is?

Jan 27 2013:
Thank you, Mary. What in your mind is a "great beat," after all technically we could say a beat is a beat. Is it a particular sound on the drums? Or perhaps the drums are higher volume in the mix? Or......?

All of these are nice. It's cool listening to these great links, I believe it's opening my mind to music I wouldn't have listened to otherwise.

I'll ask you the same question I asked Haley above: do you think there's music that women particularly enjoy, as there supposedly is "chick lit" and "chick flicks." What about a particular song might a woman enjoy more?

You can listen to a couple of songs I like via my response to Haley above. But I tell you, hearing all this great music from you guys, I'm not as crazy about the stuff I've always liked. However, I'll mention one more I like, which is "A Million Miles Away" by the Plimsouls. Look for the official video, possibly from Sony.