By MH Staff - Posted on 14th March 2012

1 The Entrance

Welcome me to your home with a kiss at the door, then immediately offer to take my coat and bag. Bonus points if you have a coat rack or uncluttered cupboard where you can hang them. Now offer me a drink and ask me to follow you to the kitchen. On the way, I’ll notice...

Green lights

- Entrance hall mirror (Good taste)
- Rug (Good taste)
- Table with a dish for keys and loose change (Handy)
-Running shoes, surfboard, hiking boots, hockey stick (Interesting, healthy)
Aim for a semi-messy look. A pristine place is a turn-off. Do you have nothing better to do than organise sock drawers and alphabetise your DVDs? “A moderate level of messiness can actually work for a guy,” says Fisher. “It signals that he needs somebody. Because women tend to be nest builders, we view it as a challenge: Oh, I can fix this up in an afternoon.” Note: messy does not mean unclean – more on that later.

Red lights

- Piles of unopened mail (Varsity Jock)
- Guy-apartment smell (Slob)
Clear your air. You want to ensure that the first thing that greets her isn’t a digs or locker-room stench, but your place shouldn’t smell flowery or perfumy, either. Try natural scents like Ambi Pur Sky Fresh Air plug-in air freshener (Ambi Pur Diffuser R30 and Ambi Pur Refill R13 both Clicks). Turn it on and let it do the work for you. Crisp, manly fragrances are more surprising than pine, the typical guy go-to. Think fresh and subtle not spicy and overpowering.

2 The Bedroom

Whether I’m here for the night or just taking a peek as I cruise down the hall from the bathroom (you definitely should leave the bedroom door open), I’ll want to see...

Green lights

- Bedside lamp (Considerate)
- Tab curtains or wooden blinds (Good taste)
- The World Without Us and 1 000 Places To See Before You Die on bedside table (Interesting, fun)
- Toolbox, tucked neatly in a corner (Handy)
- Headboard (Good taste)
Buy a man’s bed, will you? Nothing screams “single guy” louder than a bed pushed up against a wall in the corner of a room, with no entrance on “my” side. Position your bed on the longest wall in the room, headboard against the wall. A headboard indicates you’ve moved on to the stage in life where you can afford non-essential furnishings, for purely aesthetic purposes. Also invest in a couple of larger, Continental-style pillows to stick behind your pillows. They look classy and create a padded barrier between our backs and the headboard, should we ever sit up in bed chatting. And between our heads and the headboard, should we find ourselves conversing horizontally.

Red lights

- How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, by Jenna Jameson, on the nightstand (VJ, player)
- Messy desk, big piles of laundry or other clutter (VJ)
- Large mirror near the bed (Player)
- Silk or animal-print sheets (Trying too hard, player)
Create a sanctuary. “Women are extremely sensitive to their environments,” says Kerner. “Being in a warm, positive, nurturing space will help them relax and enjoy sex more.” Unless you live in a tiny studio apartment, keep your work out of sight. Hide your dirty laundry, too
– balled-up dirty socks and boxers are decidedly unattractive. Lure her to bed. I’m most impressed by a man who has a fluffy down duvet. This greatly increases the chances that I’ll jump into bed naked. It should be a solid colour or have a simple pattern. No woman can resist 500-thread-count sheets, but if you’re on a budget, soft, cotton sheets are a good alternative.

3 The Bathroom

Eventually, I will have to go to the bathroom. At first I’ll be preoccupied, hoping your extractor fan is loud enough – and your walls thick enough – that you don’t hear me peeing. But after I flush, I will definitely check out your shower, peek in the medicine cabinet and size up the rest of the room.

Green lights

- Thick, understated shower curtain (Interesting, good taste)
- Clean toilet (Healthy, considerate)
- Fluffy, clean towels (Considerate, good taste)
- Detox the bathroom. If I don’t want to drop my panties in your bathroom, I’m not going to drop them in the bedroom. Every man should own a good tile cleaner for the floor, antibacterial cleaning wipes for the sink and toilet seat and a top-of-the-range toilet brush for the bowl. Don’t skimp on the brush – a cheap plastic one will not do. There’s nothing more disgusting than a brown-stained wand beside the toilet. If you have to have it on display, spend more and go for aesthetics, and clean it regularly. Or, if you’re really in a pinch, do this:
1. Pour one cup of baking soda and three-and-a-half litres of hot water into your toilet. Wait an hour or two, then flush away the stains.
2. Mix equal parts vinegar and lemon juice. Using a paper towel, wipe the sink, toilet seat and floor.
Treat my naked body right. A lot of guys have a single, threadbare grey towel in the bathroom. Did it start out grey or white or what? When it comes to linens and things, remember this rule: anything my delicate bits might at some point tonight or in the near future come in contact with should be clean, soft and no more than three years old.

Red lights

- Absence of toilet paper or soap, magazines on the floor (VJ)
- Condom wrapper in the waste-paper basket or box of condoms in the medicine cabinet (Player)
- That unique guy-bathroom smell of aftershave, mouthwash and sport body wash (VJ)
3More than one toothbrush in the holder when you live alone (Emotional baggage)

Exterminate all ex evidence. “Any sign of another woman is an absolute killer,” says Fisher. “Women want to know where they stand, who they’re competing with. Evolution has program-med us to chase the best man, even if that means climbing over other women.” Unless you want to see your date’s claws come out, delete all signs of your previous leading lady’s presence in your palace. These include, but are not limited to, hair bands, hair conditioner in the shower, women’s deodorant or a tampon in the medicine cabinet, photos of the two of you together flashing on your laptop screen, “Julie’s Bedtime Mix” on the iPod SoundDock and episodes of Grey’s Anatomy recorded on PVR.

4 The Living Room

Beverages in hand, lead me to your living room, which should be room-mate-free the first time I come over. While en route, give me a quick tour of the place, spending a few seconds
in each room we pass.

Green lights

- Khaki, grey or brown walls (Good taste)
- Bright blue or red walls (Fun, interesting)
- Bookshelves with lots of books (Interesting)
- Soft throw pillows and a blanket on the couch (Good taste, considerate)
- Energy-saving light bulbs in lamps (Considerate)
- 30 Rock on DVD (Fun)
- Lots of tech, without wires all over the place (Handy)
- Xbox 360 tucked away in entertainment centre (Fun)
- Green, leafy plant (Healthy, considerate)
Show you can care. A shiny potted plant – or a pet – says you can care for something other than yourself. This plays to a girl’s anthropological instincts. Maybe you’ll even make a good father one day. Even if you have a black thumb, look for indoor plants like yucca or ficas (high light area) and Dracaena (natural or unnatural light). From R100 a plant, they come in different varieties (from single stems to bushes, with different coloured leaves) and require a weekly water.

5 The Kitchen

Have at least three beverage options to offer me and make sure one is non-
alcoholic (tea, water, ginger ale). The kitchen is a good place to talk, so display items that are conversation starters. Oh, if I sit on your countertop while listening... Well, let’s just say you’ve done everything right so far.

Global knife set, bamboo cutting board, cookbooks (Good taste, interesting) Whip up a snack. It gives you something to do if you’re feeling edgy. Feeding me also shows a desire to take care of me and it’s sexy to watch you do things with your hands, like flip a toasted cheese with a flick of the wrist or chop vegetables for a quick home-made salsa. Speaking of which, this one wows every time.
Mango-avocado Salsa
1 mango (skin and seed removed), cut into cubes
1 ripe avocado (skin and pit removed), cut into cubes
¼ cup minced onion
1 jalapeño pepper (or more,
if you want extra heat), minced
½ cup chopped coriander
Juice of 1 lime
Salt and pepper
Combine the mango, avocado, onion, jalapeño pepper, corainder and lime juice in a mixing bowl. Season to taste.

Red lights

- Overflowing trash can (VJ)
- Pre-assembled cheese plate (Trying too hard)
- Crusty dishes in the sink, sticky floor (Slob)
- You holding a beer in every photo on the fridge (VJ)
Let your photos vouch for you. Pictures of you with Mom and Pop (or with your nieces and nephews) practically scream, “He’s a stand-up guy”. Ditto for photographs of you in big groups of friends – as long as you don’t look sloshed in all of them. Photos of you and Bingo, places you’ve travelled or things you’re passionate about also make for good talking points.

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