Things That Are Not*

Smart toilets that flush when you merely line the seat, prior to sitting down. (Maybe it’s just me, but I thought they were smart because they saved water, not wasted it.)

Smart faucets that won’t turn on, no matter how creatively you wave your hands under, over, and around them. On the other hand, if conserving water makes them smart, I guess this design could be called successful.

“Crafted with care” when the product in question, such as the bag of chips above (which I bought for the label’s irony) is manufactured in a huge, automated factory by a global corporation.

Smart toilets that flush when you leave the stall — i.e., after the toilet has already flushed (successfully).

Smart faucets that get stuck in ON mode.

“Local family farms” in the case of the dog food pictured above. Everything is local to someone; this use of the word by a manufacturer that markets its wares nationwide makes it meaningless. And when words lose their meaning, we’re in trouble.