Depressed Welsh Patients Prescribed Severn Bridge

DOCTORS in Wales are being urged to treat depression with a strong dose of the Severn Bridge.

As long as they don't try to swallow it

As South Wales topped the league for anti-depressant prescriptions, experts said the £5.40 toll was not only more effective but would ease financial pressure on the NHS.

A spokesman for the British Medical Association said: "A course of Seroxat is 50 or 60 quid, but for a fiver we can get them to South Gloucestershire where they'd at least have a chance, dammit."

He added: "And for those who get halfway across and then can't face going on or turning back, they can always just jump off. If they survive, the estuary tides will no doubt take them on a thrilling adventure."

Welsh GP Tom Booker said: "There are other ways to combat depression, but getting some fresh air would force you to look at more Wales, while exercise would involve being trapped in a room with dozens of sweaty Welsh people.

"A healthy diet helps, but around here that's like asking for a honey-roasted unicorn in a bap."

He added: "The Severn Bridge was supposed to alleviate the suffering of thousands of people in South Wales, but instead they all just stare at it, calling it 'Satan’s river-stick'. They even sing songs about it. It's hateful."

The treatment of depression in Wales has advanced in recent years, with courses of prescription drugs replacing the traditional method of being whacked over the head with a sock-full of foxglove by a half-pissed druid.