I don’t know if there’s any evidence to support it, but I like the notion behind it.

I like the idea that we learn from love – and just because we lose love, it doesn’t mean we don’t deserve it, it just means we need to grow.

Here’s what she says.

Our first love is said to happen while we are young.

“For example, high school type young. You are young and don’t know much about love, apart from what you’ve deciphered in the movies. You know that there are feelings, fights, and bedroom activities, but apart from that, you aren’t really sure what love is all about.

“This is the naive kind of love, the impractical, movie-esque type of love. It’s what you think is right by the standards you know from movies and the standards you know from society. We begin this love with the belief that this will be our only love, and we begin planning a future in our minds around that notion.

“And it doesn’t matter if in your heart it doesn’t feel quite right, or if you are planning a future you can’t truly imagine yourself, because, in our make-believe minds, we see that this is what love is supposed to be like.

“To us, with this kind of love, how others perceive us and what they see of the relationship is more important to us than how we actually feel about it. With this love, you will find yourself posting constantly about how much fun you are having with one another. You will post about eating mediocre dinner and watching a show as the most amazing time of your life. This is because you need others to view your relationship as magical and perfect.”

Our second love is said to be our hard love.

“It’s the love that teaches us lessons about who we are, what we want from relationships and the kind of love we truly want.

“Unfortunately, this love is not so much a happy one. This love hurts and brings you pain, oftentimes from the little untruths and other times through manipulation, usually the emotional kind. The second love is usually unbalanced and unhealthy and can be selfish and narcissistic. Due to these facts, there is almost always drama, and you become trained to think that it is your fault.

“You feel guilty for always being around them, even though you know that this is what you need. Being continuously around them can still not give you what you want to feel, and you believe that you are not loved enough because they are not giving you the kind of love you are looking for. Yet, instead of giving up on the relationship, you hang on, thinking that one day suddenly everything will change and they will realize how desperately they love you.

“This emotional swing of extreme highs and lows is exactly what keeps us addicted to this kind of unhealthy relationship. We push through the lows, no matter how bad they are, to get a slight tingling feeling from those wonderful highs.
With the second love, pushing to make it work becomes more imperative than whether it actually should.”

Our third love is said to be the love we don’t see coming.

“This is the love that we never considered in the past. It’s different and new, we’ve never dated this kind of person before. The third love is the kind that comes too easy, and it doesn’t seem possible. You think that it won’t last, you are bound to stumble on something that will create a bump in the road. At times, it occurs right after a major heartbreak, and you’re thinking that the same thing will happen again because, in your past, it has.

“At first, you can’t explain the connection. What is it about this person that draws you to them so much? Here, we meet someone and, surprisingly enough, it just fits. There is no difficult compromises, no pushing and shoving. You both seem to work out together, and somehow the way you live your life flows well with the way they live theirs.

“And that’s what makes your two lives come together into one. Your life together is exactly how you wanted love to be. The third love is easy, you both work hard to keep it going, to keep your relationship and your love as magnificent as it already is. And with both of you putting in the work, you don’t feel like you are the only one pulling the carriage like you felt in your second love.

“Sometimes it is 50/50, and other times it is 20/80. They love you enough to carry you on your bad days, and you love them enough to support them on their rough ones. You don’t feel the need to constantly advertise your happiness. And, you know what? Sometimes, you’re not happy. Sometimes, they are not happy. But that doesn’t mean that it is the end of the relationship. You come together with your unhappiness and try to solve it. You sit together and you talk, yell, sing, draw, what have you, and you solve whatever problem comes around.

“Because that’s what love is, it’s making things work because you love one another and want to be together.

This is the kind of love that reveals to us why everyone else left the picture.”