FOE story mixed with FO4, meet the Sole Survivor of Stable 111 Fast Times, a colt from before the great war who's spent 90% of the time since in cryo sleep. But something goes wrong on his last time in the freezer...

While Star Bolt tries to forget his life of sin. An ancient evil sits and waits for the day that its prison will weaken so it can break free and finish its goal that was started 2000 years ago. The extinction of the alicorn race.

Well, I think you need an editor. Aside from the abundance of grammatical mistakes and missing words, the whole thing went by way too fast and gave us no connection to Sharpshooter. Like, none at all. It was actually pretty boring despite how short it was.

If you want us to feel invested in the characters and their world, then you need to put more time into displaying them. That means not having ten pages of information cropped down to four and left with the bare minimum.

Get an editor, invest more time in the character and settings, and I am sure that this story can recover from its rocky start.

5603450To be honest and please don't get mad for me saying this butt I wanted to keep it a mystery until chapter 2. I did like seeing you guys trying to figure out what he would look like, so that little experiment worked. I also wanted to keep his family a secret as well. Its fun to speculate ya know? However...Sharpshooter will be revealed in the next chapter, but that might be awhile.