The Worst Halloween Costume Cheats

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Ok, you're not one of those people who's super into dressing up. You don't spend months scouring the Interwebs for that perfect greatcoat to complete your Torchwood Captain Jack persona. You're more low key, and that is perfectly valid. However, there's a difference between being Keanu Reeves zen (and we're talking The Matrix Keanu,not The Lake House Keanu), and a lazy sackful of candy begging shizzlesticks. The following are the worst Halloween Costume Cheats in the History of All Hallow's Eve:

Anything Involving a White Sheet. And Just A White Sheet.

You're a ghost! You're a Roman! Socrates! A sad ghost because the sheet is blue and your cutting sucked so it looks like you have only one eye! Don't do this. First, you're ruining perfectly good bed linen. Second, this costume is so crappy that the ghost of a Roman Gladiator will come and haunt you by chanting "Max-i-mus," waving two thumbs down in your face, and then proceed to run you over via his lion pulled chariot.

Dressing In Black Jeans, A Black Shirt, with Black Gloves and Saying You're a Jewel Thief

I've done this, and let me tell you, unless you want everyone at the party coming up to you and asking you to fix the sound equipment because they think you're a techie, avoid this option. Just because you ARE a freelance techie and know how to fix it doesn't make their assumption any less annoying. It's your night off, you didn't have time to change, and for god's sake you just want to down your pumpkin cupcake and Solo cup of witch's brew in peace without these constant interruptions (And pouring said witch's brew on the sound equipment to break it so people stop asking may get you kicked out of the party before you can eat your cupcake).

Putting on a baseball cap and saying you're a baseball player

You're not. Let go of the Derek Jeter fantasy. He makes enough money to fill a room because he can do coordinated baseball stuff. You (probably) can barely make enough to stuff one fold in your wallet and you trip going up the stairs. And, by the way, adding sunglasses and saying you're a star avoiding the paparazzi won't work either. That is, unless you bribe three of your friends to follow you around and take your picture while you "pretend" to avoid them. Of course, then people will think you're copying that student who did the Times Square sociological experiment and will just ask you to ask your photogs to turn the flash off.

Being Ted Mosby

Why be Ted when you can be Barney? Or Marshall? Or Lily? Or heck, even Robin? Let's face it, Ted may have been cool once, but at this point he's just a sad sack who turns into a sad Dad who tells a over-long, non sequitur, highly inappropriate story to his bored kids.

Unless you sing "My Eyes" the entire time and have Felicia Day on your arm, you shoulda sprung for the steampunk goggles, the white lab coat, and the black gloves. Come on. If you're gonna do Joss Whedon, do it right. The man who saved The Avengers from being a clusterfrack and made it, well, awesome, deserves the best darn Halloween costume you can make, buy, or steal off a small child.