This dog was fired from the police force for being too much of a good boy

What do you look for in a police dog? Loyalty, a good nose, pinpoint-accurate eyesight, resolve, strength, fearlessness, hostility when needed, bravery? All of these and more, probably – your dog has got to be one hard bastard, basically.

Shame then, that cute little Gavel, a German shepherd from Queensland, Australia, didn’t exactly tick all of the requirements off the list.

BECAUSE HE WAS TOO MUCH OF A GOOD BOY.

Essentially, he much preferred having his ickle belly rubbed than heading out on the mean streets to nail some purps. The trainers had him on the programme for long enough for him to outgrow three separate uniforms, but in the end, he was just too much of a sweetie pie to face life on the beat.

Don’t worry though, they didn’t just chuck him in the bin and then roll it off a cliff like they do with all the other rejects, because luckily old Gavel had got himself a powerful fan. Namely: the governor of Queensland.

So instead of popping him on the fire, Gov. Paul de Jersey adopted Gavel instead, and then subsequently appointed him the extremely important position of vice-regal dog.

“But what in dog’s green turf does a vice-regal dog do?” you say. Well, as a vice-regal dog, Gavel has to welcome visitors and attend official ceremonies, where he presumably stands looking all hoity toity with a fluffy tail and a wet nose.

That's legally binding that, although I suggest Gavel get a signature that’s more difficult to forge. I’ve already jacked bare cash out of that chief's bank account using his stupid signature. What a hound.

(Image: ABC7)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though.
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