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I don’t understand people sometimes, maybe it is just me. I understand everyone has something they are ashamed of, something they fear will escape them. I have recently started wondering why is one thing people hide from is their culture. In this past month I have met two people already who are just ashamed to be known as Mexican, what a shame because it is such a rich historic culture, sourrounded by art and music and architecture. I suppose it all comes down to what the world we live in has classified us. That stereo type we fall under, the stereo type some of us fight so hard to avoid. I know I have had problems trying to fit in growing up; do I hang out with all the “American Kids” I mean I look like them, I dress like them, but I don’t feel like them, and on the other hand, I don’t look “hispanic” I didn’t really dress much, but I enjoyed my conversations with them, practicing my native language. Fitting in is hard, but everything seems easier when you just learn to accept who you are and gain the people you need around you.

I started talking to a boy when he told me his name he made a face and said “Ugh I hate my name, it is so Mexican” and all I could say was “If you want a super Mexican name, that shit be in Aztec or Mayan”

I have never been ashamed to hide where my parents came from, where my roots are, I love embracing them, it has made me who I am.

I don’t think I have ever been more insight with myself than I was after I read the Labyrinth of Soulitude by Octavio Paz.

It is always difficult to give oneself up; few persons anywhere ever succeed in doing so, and even fewer transcend the possessive stage to know love for what it actually is: a perpetual discovery, and immersion in the waters of reality, an unending re-creation.” ― Octavio Paz, The Labyrinth of Solitude and Other Writings

This is the book that really opened my eyes… A recommendation for my fellow Mexicans and people all over really.

Embrace your roots, because you always need a place to fall back to when you seem to have lost yourself in this chaos.

Pacing my footsteps through the woods, ashes of leaves with brittle twigs cracking on the ground, echoing through the naked trees. My breath heavy with peril, I stop and listen, it is silent. I am in my own solitude, a simplistic hell, where the nightmares are the reality and the beast is more than just a friend, but a dark lover of past youthful dreams, and he is vividly beautiful. Luring me in deeper into the forest, where the trees were scorched and hovered with their twisted curling branches, arching and encasing the dark, with only a shadow to see. He holds his hand out, so gracefully, with lust tainted on his fingertips. I am hesitant from a far. “Wait! Don’t leave me” I take a step forward and the rustle of the ground starts to fade away. He has moved only deeper and I follow, I cannot help but to follow him. The yearning to see him once more, to catch a glimpse of what temptation has to offer.

“Find me”

I hear his voice bounce off, a playful tone because to him it was a game. His seductive voice finally fades and I stood there, mixed emotions racing through my blood and bones.

“I know what you are thinking” I can feel his smile linger through those words “If you turn around now and head back, you will never know…don’t you want to know? Don’t you want to feel?”

I become disconnected with my body, my feet take their own steps and I felt his presence grow stronger. I hold my arms out in hopes he will guide me.

“Where are you going?” He questioned as I followed the shadow. “Why are you doing this to me?” I asked “Doing what?” “All of this. Why are you hurting me, tempting me, seducing me”

A laughed erupted and then his footsteps picked up again, and I ran after. Silly me, a girl running after someone so forbidden, I just wanted to see him, touch his skin and feel the rush of euphoric impulse

“And yet you still follow aimlessly girl! You follow only because you are scared”

I froze, the air grew cold, sending shrivers through my spine. He continued speaking,

“You think you have nothing left, so in desperation you follow what cannot be touched but only wanted, and forever you shall want, you will have eternal desire with no satisfaction, that is your hell”

He stands a couple feet away, just out of arms reach, and I stare into his face. He is so beautiful, it is almost unrealistic. The grey eyes contrasting with the trees, burning with anticipation, and yet he was ever so smooth, the way he stood, like a tree itself. Swaying lightly, yet maintaining the strong pose rooted into the ashes. Sending chills with the wind making the hairs on my arms stand, I stared at him and moved forward. He held his hands out and smiled

I stopped, his body leaned closer, I was only feet away from him, I could smell his cologne, it flared up my nostrils with the aroma. “Turn around” he calmly told me. I trust him at my most vulnerable spot, I trust him with my back turned to the devil himself. “Close your eyes now” I felt my eyes close shut, and now I saw nothing, I listened to the crunch of footsteps now shuffling behind me. Placing his fingers firmly on my shoulders as my back faced him, I could feel his breath in my ear, slowly making its way down my neck. His hands traced my arms and rested on my hips as he pulled me in closer to him. “Play with me” he moved his hands “Come on Babe” he nudged me in closer. I felt his softened lips press against my neck, each letting a small breath to escape from my mouth. Leaving marks that burned and I loved it. As his lips pressed more fiercely, his hands rushed through my body, leaving every spot untouched. And I could feel all of him as he pressed me against his body. I wanted to turn around, I wanted to feel that burn on my lips, the impulse of the sultry hands.

I wanted him.

– M

So here is a part of a story, I randomly decided to write, I figured I would not burden you with my silly rants and actually give my readers something I find decent enough to share. Please Comment, Critic, Follow and all that other good stuff! I will appreciate it so much!

She stares blankly at her screen.
Tilts head to the right to glance outside.
Quiet
Crickets chirpping away at the night.
Time passing byFastSlow
Doesn’t matter its passing by.Confusion.
A state in which the mind cannot think.
What is she doing wrong?
Is she even doing anything right?
Spit talk.
Spit writeWrite write write write.
It is all.
Just thinking you know?
When you think and you write what you think
love you.
Te amo
Mucho.
Sleep
Something
The fan spinning round and round
An on going movement never to stop
Only to stop until it is controlled
Control
Breathing
Breathing
Breathing
Typing typing
All actions
Eyes heavy
They feel heavy
A sign of sleep, to sleep and just stay like that.
She stares at her screen