QUICKIES: Should I approach my maybe-gay uni crush? | What’s with all the mixed messages from my ex? | The first and last time I had sex I got pregnant. Normal to fear sex now? | His friends think I’m the devil. What to do?

QUICKIES: Should I approach my maybe-gay uni crush? | What’s with all the mixed messages from my ex? | The first and last time I had sex I got pregnant. Normal to fear sex now? | His friends think I’m the devil. What to do?

November 8, 2012

QUICKIES: Should I approach my maybe-gay uni crush? | What’s with all the mixed messages from my ex? | The first and last time I had sex I got pregnant. Normal to fear sex now? | His friends think I’m the devil. What to do?

RC is asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the letters sent in inspire an essay (or close). Other times, just a few lines will do – and all those letters are popped into a semi-regular section called quickies. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Hands up who doesn’t love a quickie? We thought so. Don’t forget, if you need advice from RC or the Manswers team, drop us a line via theQuestion Box.

Should I approach my maybe-gay uni crush?Over the summer, as a joke, me and a friend set up a gay profile on a gay chat website. As we were going through the list of guys I saw a very cute guy from university was online, so I waited until I was alone to message him. We messaged briefly and that was it. However, this year we’re on the same course and we have mutual friends so I’m seeing him a lot. I had a feeling he wasn’t/isn’t out so I haven’t really spoke to him about it (I checked the chat website and he deleted his profile) so I’m thinking I’ve freaked him out a bit. The problem is I really, really like him and I don’t know whether or not to talk him about what happened in fear it’ll make things awkward ( he did accept my friend request on Facebook last week). I’m really confused and I don’t know what to do! Anon

He accepted your Facebook friend request, so I think you should go there. Ask him out for a coffee or a drink and just test the waters with some light chit-chat, see where he’s at, make it clear that you’re interested. Maybe he’s on the cusp of coming out and would really appreciate some support / someone to talk to. If he’s not keen, you’ll know straight away that you should back off – but in the game of love I’m definitely of the mind that nothing ventured, nothing gained.

What’s with the mixed messages?Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend. But every time I see him or we have contact he keeps calling me by the terms of endearment we used when we were together. I just don’t get it and wonder if he’s playing me. Gracy

Why are you seeing him or talking to him at all? I don’t bang on about no-contact for a reason – it’s Break-up 101. Make it clear again that it’s over between you. Send him a text or email saying something like, “We’re not together and all the pet names you keep calling me just aren’t appropriate anymore. As of now, I’m not going to contact you for a while and I ask that you do me the same courtesy so we can both move on.” Then shut it down and stick to it, Gracy.

Is my fear of sex normal?I’ve only ever had sex once and it was when I got pregnant. To make matters worse it wasn’t that great to begin with. My daughter is now four so it’s been quite some time ‘between drinks’ for me. I still consider myself a virgin because of my severe lack of experience and nervousness associated with going there again. I was wondering if that was okay? Anon

It’s absolutely OK and even normal to feel as you do in your situation. You’ve spent four years being a mum to your gorgeous little girl, so if you are ready to start dating again, my advice would be don’t rush it and don’t let anyone rush you. When you meet a guy you like, date a little, take your time, make sure he knows the score before you even get to second base. Good sex, the kind of sex where you know what you’re doing, is so far, far removed from that weird, fumbling first-time. If we all held onto our first-time memories we’d never get on the hobby horse again, but all it takes is practice and a little exploration to take it from average to flipping mind-blowing. You’ve got all that to look forward to when you do meet the right guy.

His friends think I’m the devil. What do I do?My boyfriend and I have been together going on two years now, and we have recently bought our first home. His best friend has never exactly ‘approved’ of me (for no reason in particular) but we have always been civil towards each other and managed to get along. Now his best friend has a girlfriend and while she seemed a bit standoff-ish I was always polite and friendly. Now she seems to have decided that I am THE DEVIL and that everyone should hate me. His whole old group of friends have completely stopped coming around to visit (because I am there), they have said I’m not welcome to set foot in their houses (although they can’t offer a reason why) and they have told him they never want to see me again. It’s even gotten to the point where the best friend and his girlfriend are making their housemates move out because they are friends with me. When questioned, it all goes back to the new girl on the scene… My boyfriend says that he doesn’t care, that if they can’t accept me then he doesnt want to know them, that they are just jealous. But I still feel responsible for the loss of his friends, I don’t want him to suffer because of some irrational jealousy they seem to have for no reason! And then there is the fact that all through this I have maintained the opinion that I don’t care and that if they have a problem with me, it is THEIR problem, not mine. But its doesnt stop me being hurt, it doesn’t help cushion the blow I feel every time I hear or see something horrid they say about me… or even the lonely feeling I get when they pointedly leave us out of their lives. CheyChey

Lose this bunch of drama queens and get some new friends, stat. If your boyfriend’s can’t be bothered with their behaviour, I don’t see why you should be so concerned either.

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