The trauma of driving.

Learning to drive was never one of my priorities. In fact, I put off going to driving school for four years. I like riding in cars, but driving them is an entirely different thing all together. I have zero hand-eye-foot coordination. Bumper cars at amusement parks? I didn’t bump anyone- all the kids bumped into me when I stayed rooted to one spot in tears because I couldn’t control the bumper car.

Like this. Traumatized of driving since childhood.

Having survived the first two days of driving school, I am proud to say that it did not involve any crashes or deaths (except the car’s engine, which died several times A LOT). But I’m still proud of myself. Even if I am probably going to be accident-prone. I mean, I used a stick shift. This is basically what happened:

Situation 1: Person crossing street

Instructor: Okay, slow down. No gas. That guy is crossing in front of you.

Me: *releases the gas, then panics and hits the brakes without using the clutch*

Engine: *dies in the middle of the road*

Instructor:

I said slow down, not stop abruptly. What if there was a car behind us?

Situation 2: Exiting a parking lot onto a two-way street

Me: *overswerves into the wrong lane and ends up in front of another driver (truck driver, to be exact) in the wrong direction*

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg

Instructor:

What are you doing!? Siiiiiiigh. Back up. Put the car in reverse then back up going to the left. LEFT. Where’s your left? Now forward! No, forward! Into first gear! First! That’s third!

Engine: *dies*

Situation 3: Turning left at an intersection between two major roads

Me:

I got this, don’t worry. *happily moves forward once stoplight goes green, then hits the brakes upon seeing cars coming from the left* Wait, the cars.. We’ll get hit!

Instructor:

No no no no! We’re on go! You do not stop in the middle of an intersection when the light is green! This is how you get into accidents. Those drivers on the left will stop for you! Gas! Hit the gas. Release the clutch! The clutch! No, keep stepping on the gas!

Engine: *dies in the middle of the intersection*

At the end of the day, I felt much like this.

And I’m pretty sure my instructor felt like this.

I hope someday someone will invent cars that can go on autopilot. Or better yet, teleporters. I’d go for teleporting any day.