PETER LUCAS: Mayor Obama would be most powerful man in D.C. again

According to my imaginary, non-existent Russian intelligence sources, the real reason the former president decided to live in Washington is so that he can run for mayor of Washington, D.C.

That way Obama, in this political fantasy, would have an official platform to go after Donald Trump.

Incumbent Washington Mayor Muriel Bowser would have to step aside, of course. Otherwise Obama would crush her in a primary the way he crushed Hillary Clinton in 2008.

My Russian undercover intelligence sources in the KGB, SVR, CSR, OSS, DPW and FEMA, all hacks, said that Obama telephone intercepts indicated that Obama decided to run after he was awarded the 2017 John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award last week.

Talk that he was renting a mansion in D.C. so that Sasha could finish high school there was simply a ruse.

The real reason is that, stripped of power, Obama quickly got tired of sitting back and watching a president he secretly disrespects bring coal miners into the Oval Office and dirty up the place.

Longtime Barack and Michelle friend and aide Valerie Jarrett has already moved into Obama's rented Washington mansion to baby sit Obama and provide political advice. After living off the taxpayers for eight years in the White House, Jarrett has officially become America's Guest.

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As mayor, the former president would have the opportunity to keep tabs on President Trump big time. Obama would also be able to keep in check the excitable new president's campaign to trash his legacy, whatever there is left to trash, that is.

It seems that most of what Obama accomplished in eight years, Trump erased in eight days, and what is left, like Obamacare, will be history in eight weeks.

Still, Obama is not going down without a fight. That is why he is running for mayor. Drain the swamp? Obama will swamp the drain. Some politicians, when wronged, live by the adage, "Don't get mad, get even." Obama's version is, "Get mad and get even."

Being mayor would also give the restless former chief executive the opportunity to revitalize the shattered Democrat Party, which was reduced from a swaggering and arrogant majority party to a whipped and whining cult during Obama's eight years as president.

But it wasn't his fault, even though Democrats lost control of both the House and Senate during his tenure, as well as most of the governorships across the country, not to mention the state Legislatures. It was Vladimir Putin who was behind it all, along with that other creep Benjamin Netanyahu.

But never mind, there is nothing broken that can't be fixed, even though he didn't break it.

Trump might be the president of the United States. But Obama would be the mayor of America, and the country and the world would know about it.

Of course, Obama would have to throw some shade on Hillary Clinton before she makes her next move. This means leaking his plans about running for mayor of Washington well before Clinton acts on running for mayor of New York. That would take care of her, and Bill.

Obama would run such a tight town that any visiting foreign dignitary would have to go through him before getting to Trump. That means anyone of any importance coming to town, like Putin or Netanyahu, would have to be extremely vetted at City Hall before going to the White House. In a democracy, a hall always trumps a house.

Obama as mayor would also have his own army. He would be commander in chief again. The mayor of Washington, D.C. has control of one of the largest urban police forces in the country. The Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) is made up of some 4,000 police officers, which is more armed military personnel than are stationed at the Pentagon. They guard the White House whenever there is a threat.

The MPD -- meaning the mayor -- has the duty, when working with the Secret Service, of protecting the president, as well as the authority to shut down any roads in the district. Its police officers always lead presidential motorcades within the district and frequently outside the district as well.

It is the army of Washington police officers who protect the White House and the president whenever there is a mob demonstrating nearby. And Trump is trapped inside.

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