Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

For the first time since maybe the 60’s or 70’s, it seems like all walks of life in America are tuned in and are actually out voting. It may be the age of technology that via smartphones and social media, young and old are tuned in. I can and do, have pretty strong debates with my middle schoolers. They are actually quite knowledgeable about the current political issues and which candidates seem to support which issue. For someone like me who loves American Government and Politics it is a very exciting time. I have watched more debates, town halls, and speaking forums this year than all past years combined. This is the same guy who as a kid (10 years old) wrote a letter to President Reagan because I was sad he would not be president any longer. Some of you and it seems like everyone associated with the Republican Party this cycle agrees with that ten year old kid.
I am curious as to what my friends, associates, and followers think and believe. But, most importantly WHY they believe what they do. Of course there are the hot topics: immigration, Cuba, China, ISIS, Iran, Obamacare, racism, Police in the community, the nest Supreme Court Justice and how it may affect certain civil liberties, IPhone cracking, reforming tax codes, and free college. (Forgive me if I did not include your hot topic). You don’t have to wed yourself to one of those topics. Of course you may back a candidate for some reason I have not thought of.
I am requesting educated answers. For example, if you say you choose your candidate because they will keep the embargo with Cuba, explain to me why Cruz (if he is) your guy. Texas is only second behind Louisiana, and just ahead of Tennessee who CURRENTLY trade HUNDREDS of MILLIONS of dollars with Cuba and have for many years. (Not really an embargo for his state). Keeping the embargo only benefits those states because it keeps other states from the market. If you are Trump, tell me how, when, who is doing the work and who is paying for the wall. Surely you don’t think we can raid Mexican banks in a stick-up (if that’s one of your topics). *I did slip a clue in there for how money can be collected. If you candidate will end racism, global warming, bring peace to the Middle East, abolish abortion, make everyone pay the same amount of taxes, and/or build our economy, I’d like to hear their plan and why you support it. And, I would be most gracious if you could explain how and why you think that plan will work.
I named Cruz and Trump. I am not picking on those guys specifically. One that ignites my curiosity are the WHYs (Why you like?, Why you feel?, Why?, Why?, Why?). I’m sure I was annoying as a child and my wife can attest for how many times she finally responds to my line of questioning with, “I don’t know! I just do!” She’s mostly patient with me. The second is debating. I love a healthy debate.
Quite often during debates, town halls, or even during television interviews, I get really frustrated when a candidate is asked a question. It can even be a simple yes or no, yet you get 4.5 minutes of talking and the original question was never answered.
What are your thoughts on Campaign 2016?

1. I’d like to spend a year in Iowa, South Dakota, or Nebraska working on a farm. I’d love to drive the Combine from sun up to sun down. Just my iPod in on shuffle and enjoying the scenery.

2. I’d like to own a small orange grove in Florida.

3. I love picking apples in the mountains of North Carolina.

4. One of my favorite places in the South Carolina lowcountry is Boone Hall Farms. I like to go out there on a blistering hot summer day, take off my shirt, turn on my iPod and fill BASKETS! with blueberries, corn, strawberries, blackberries, peppers, tomatoes (which I never eat), and many other things. I can spend days on end picking fruit and vegetables.

5. Fishing is my favorite hobby.

6. There are two things I wish I could do better: 1. throw a perfect cast net and 2. play the piano.

7. Fall is my favorite time of the year. I like when the air turns cooler and crisp. It is the beginning of hunting season. The holidays are approaching. Football is awesome. Baseball playoffs are on tv. School is back in for the kids. Fall also reminds me of my grandparents. They used to take me to the mountains every Fall to pick apples and see the leaves change colors. Fall is about food! Food for football games (tailgating), and Thanksgiving meals and Christmas meals and the in betweens when family comes to visit. Ahhh Fall is right around the corner. I will admit, the kid in me still loves to pile up the leaves all nice and thick and jump in them! I hope to take the family to see this majesty very soon.

That quote single handily made my job easier. Now as I’m pouring through the tread options, warranties, speed ratings, ply ratings, and not to mention judging the appearances. They are going on Princess’ baby! NOW I get to imagine that I’m pouring through …oh I don’t know… boobs and trying to pick out the best ones. Hmmm. Alright, alright. Focus.

Back to the job of finding the perfect replacement tires for Alicia’s car. The current tires are the original ones and they have served a very good life.

Here’s the challenge. I have to get at least 50,000 miles out of them. They have to have an excellent speed rating. They have to have lifetime replacement on defects. They have to look good on the car. That have to have traction as it rains here nearly every dang day and Alicia someone likes to hit the gas and feel the horses run. Oh yeah, and I can’t afford the ones from Italy.

On top of all that is this added subject matter stress. See, in a previous life, I actually worked in litigation involving tire defects which ultimately led to deaths. Ironic, that kind of how I met Alicia. We worked on 2 or 3 cases together. So that’s the stress, we both sifted through the thousands of pages of discovery and know all the dirty little tire tricks.

For now, I have it narrowed down to two brands. But that is likely to change. I mean, unless the Michelin man is going to lift the car and tote them safely to each destination, these babies have to be safe, reliable and attractive.

Like this:

Did anyone catch Sharknado last night? I’m not even sure why this SyFy movie would even register on my radar. I’m not a SyFy fan, per se. I enjoy the Paranormal films, but I have never been a Trekkie, or zombie fan. Here are a few shots from the movie:

I gave it two maybe three minutes. Ok, honestly, I turned it on to catch a glimpse of Tara Reid. Here is a shot of here IN THE MOVIE. Stressed “In the Movie” because, well, Tara is just not what she was 10 years ago and that disappoints me. But hell, neither am I. Tara:

Sticking with the shark theme, I’m not having a great day and the anger sharks are circling in my head. Going to put on my t-shit today. Fair warning – haha.

Hey its not like I’m this guy. This guy is so pissed he’s wielding a cactus! That’s bad ass. “Dude, I’m going to beat your ass with a cactus.” Here is angry cactus man.

Yes, WOOOOSA angry cactus man.

Happy Friday, everyone. Be on the lookout for sharknados and angry cactus wielding protesters.

Besides the holidays, birthdays, first day of school (hahahahah), and the first days of hunting season, there are three more things I look forward to.

1. Gamecock football:

Every week during the fall, I read every article, every practice report, every list of high school visitors, and do the same for the opposing teams. I plan my meal, snacks and drinks days in advance whether I’m watching it from home or from the stands.

I was there during the 0-11 season and there during back-to-back 11-2 seasons. Its been a long road filled with a lot of heartbreak. I have three favorite opponents. In order, they are 1. University of Tennessee (UTJr.), University of Georgia (Jawja), and Clemson (rock lovers).

2. Florida Gator football:

I have been a fan – long before I was a Gamecock fan. Yes, I know they are rivals. I didn’t plan for that to happen. USC offered the best opportunity for me and the instate tuition was the push. I love, hate endure when the two play each other, although its a little more fun because the Ms. pulls hard for the Cocks. My three favorite games in order are 1. UTJr., Jawja, and the National Championship game. 🙂

Truth be told, I really love all SEC games. Yes, I’m the guy who chants SEC SEC SEC at every non-conference game.

Yes I dislike both Jawja and UTJr. Couldn;t describe it bettern’ this:

3. National Signing Day

Its the first Wednesday in February and its like a second Christmas. As of late, USC has done really well and Florida usually competes for the top spot in college football. Its neat seeing all these kids signing the dotted line ans realizing their dreams come true. I was fortunate enough to participate in a signing ceremony for a kid I mentored and it was a neat day. I also like the spin off stories and illegal recruiting allegations that always fly around when a kid shows up at Clemson with a new car or as two recruits did, posted pictures of themselves holding wads of cash on their instagram accounts. For all the stories of Clemson recruits partying on Lake Hartwell, I submit this:

Like this:

For Friday fun, I’m going to share something that I’m embarrassed to love. As I type this, I cringe and slink down into my chair and under my desk.

I am. *sigh

Embarrased to say.* shift in chair

That I “love” Taylor Swift.

There. Pure honestly.

She can’t sing very well. Her shows are over-produced and a Liz Rose in Tennessee writes most of her songs. Her dating life reminds me of this guy with the infamous line: “I get older, my women stay the same age.”

Taylor, You’re 23, hun. Maybe you should date guys that are DONE with high school. She’s 5’10” so that eliminates a lot of guys, so maybe her pool is shallow. She does have 165 million reasons to be choosy.

Her songs make me laugh. I often play MEAAAN while riding in the truck by myself. I sing the song obnoxiously loud. A while back, “We are NEVER NEVER EVER ….” was my wake up alarm. I jumped up and went running screaming to shut it off. (Was COMPLETELY awake then)

I have no idea why, but for some reason I felt the need to share this with my teenage stepson: NICE! Father of the year right there. 🙂 Nice lacy whites Taylor.

Back on track here. I’m embarrassed to say I think Taylor is awesome so long as she’s not sporting the chopped of bang look: