This film is trying to be comedi… SERIOUSLY? The Pink Panther theme??!?!?!??!?!??!!!!!!! Oh look, he fell… ha… ha…

So, Taylor Kitcsh is kitcshy, he went to get a burrito to impress Brooklyn, a convenience store got trashed and a few cars crashed and he ended up being tased. I kinda wish this was the premise of the whole movie, but in this context, it just doesn’t work.

Where are the friggin aliens dammit?

Suddenly Eric Northam is all pissed, he’s all soldierly? Why? Guess he’s about to say it… What’s the punishment? “You’re joining me IN THE NAVY!”

Football (soccer whatever)??? Seriously! Where are the stupid transformaliens???

Hey it’s Rhianna not stopping the music.

Considering the US public, it seems that with the use of soccer they just WANTED to make this movie as LAME as ever.

Say hello to the movie douche, will he die? Will he redeem himself? No one cares!

And now it’s the new kid that *SPOILER* that *SPOILER* from Breaking Bad.

Oh no… something is happening in OUTERSPACE! Finally! …aww we’re back to earth.

Well at least we’re getting a tiny dosage of Liam Neesoness.

Douche tries to act cool.

Funny things are trying to happen.

I don’t understand what they’re saying, and frankly I don’t care.

Of course Brooklyn Decker is Liam Neeson’s daughter!

More uncomic reliefness.

lol, confession time, I didn’t know that douche I talked about was still Taylor Kitsch, I was beginning to wonder where he was when I finally realized it was the same guy *facepalm*, I guess he just has an unremarkable face and they just seemed to skip like months of stuff that happened just like that, including a hair cut.

I knew it! Brooklyn Decker is supposed to be ‘smarth’! She’s a physical therapist and is now getting all emotional with a guy who lost his legs. Cue the sappy music.

“I’m half the man, and half a man ain’t enough to be a soldier…” groan

Only an hour 42 minutes to go… 😦

The score is like a mix of inception and transformers.

“take a look at this!” YES!!! Bring it shipticons!!

Hey waddaya know… I chuckled.

Splooooosh!

Woohoo destruction!!!! MORE DESTRUCTION IN SLOOOWMOOO!!!!!

Well hello Peter MacNicol! Welcome to the “hey it’s that guy from that TV show” museum!

Liam Neeson is worried, better turn back aliens!!!

“Who’s communication what? To who?”

I think I could have liked this movie if nobody talked… ok, maybe let Neeson talk, but that’s about it.

As each second passes I can think of less and less of something to write, I can literally feel my neurons dying.

The board is set! Your move humans!!!

Poor Liam Neeson…

I aaam MegaMEEEGAAtrooon!

Megamegatron is going all freewilly on Rhianna and that kid from Breaking Bad.

lol pegs bombs, they sunk their battleship!

Good bye Eric Northam, they took you out too early, but it was necessary so Kitcshy can AVENGE YOU!

3 thoughts on “Thoughts while watching Battleship (a review-recap)”

Oh my god…I’m at the library at school so I can’t laugh out loud, but MAN! Major giggles happening right now :DDDD

In spite of all that, I loved Battleship. I know, I’m a terrible person and all that, but it was really really fun (and poorly cast, acted, aliens weren’t explained, uninteresting script, Alexander what’s-his-name DIED!! how dare you…) and yeah. Still really fun, in fact I think I’ll watch it again today… Go figure!!