Monday, August 29, 2011

last week or when ever it was I promised a free critique for anyone who submitted a poem. I only got two. With permission from the authors I would like to post their work with my comments added. Maybe it will inspire you to prepare for the next time I dish out free critiques!

Poem by April

Even in my dreams
Where life is new and strange
My children are carried with me
like dew drop crystals in my hairpricklingin the cells beneath my skin
Even absent they are present
always have been
I just didn't know themyetconfuses tense you could say “back then” or “before”
so I was unaware
I'll always be expecting them nearby
even in my dreams they
are just over my shoulder somewhere

just beyond where I can seeyou could repeat this line here.And that is whatpricklesdon’t double up on verbs.Use asynonymnowSomeone's missingwaiting to begina life with me as motherus all as familyI can almost seehis face but it'shiding shining in my hairjust beyond where I can seeIs this it? We just reached the interesting, integral idea, I want more! Good line breaks, good imagery, thanks for sharing!

Poem by Antje

Now I know
How the stars glow
And how the earth is laughing bright
When in the summer's night
The clouds disappear
You are here.you start out with rhymning couplets in the first stanza, but then you break the pattern. Add extra lines or whatever to stick with couplets.
What can happen to me yet?What can?I do not even fearmove to second last line.
The final hour and thepain
To never see you again.
You will forever stay here.

I know exactly I willfeelthepainbut you said you don’t fear because it would never happen?Then Ifeeltry not to double verbs, especially when the second “feeling” is in contradiction with the firstyour eyes
Resting on me
And as so oftendoisthe surpriseMy heart seduced to a cheer
You are here.this is nice.Don’t let the rhymn limit your wording.Your unique description in stanza 1 is great, but I would like more later on.I want to see the contrast in the pain; laughing earth, stars glow – rain, blackened sky etc.

Monday, August 22, 2011

http://www.normandoidge.com/normandoidge/MAIN.html This meme is hosted by Book Journey.
Well, I just finished the most amazing book I've read since,,, well a while. It is "The Brain that Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge and it's NON-FICTION. I have always enjoyed learning about our brains, but this goes WAY beyond what I ever fathomed possible. It is a series of true stories of people who have overcomes impossible odds - strokes, amputations, and one woman who was born with half a brain and how she functions let alone, survives. I give it FIVE stars. Doidge explains brain growth, addictions, our senses, and some other freaky things that are fascinating. I'm not a scientist, or profess in any way to understand a lot of it, but as a human being with a brain I am truly enlightened.

About Me

hallililburn(at)hotmail(dot)com
I have gained control of my once unstable life so, if you want me to be more interesting, grab a shovel and dig up some dirt! But beware, whatever "booty" you find is cursed, so you'll have to sign a non-disclosure agreement first. Check out amazon.com/author/hallililburn