Maybe you speak up in a group but no one pays attention. Then someone interrupts over you and instantly has the spotlight.

Or it seems everyone is always speaking over each other; their ideas get noticed but when you try…nothing.

Plenty of my readers have mentioned this problem. And in the TED talk titled “How to Speak So People Want to Listen,” Julian Treasure gives great tips to stop being ignored. Julian is an expert on sound and speech so he’s someone to listen to in this area.

I’ve included the talk below and summarized his main points. But I’ve also included insights of my own on ways to be heard and respected in more casual settings.

Through talking to many shy and socially insecure people, there’s a cruel irony I’ve discovered.

Many crave the ability to talk to the “cool” people in places like bars, clubs or on the street. But unfortunately, talking to those people in those places feels impossible.

“Popular people” are generally more “picky” and dismissive in those types of “cold” social settings. And the fact rejection seems more likely to you makes these the hardest places to engage strangers if you aren’t already confident and skilled socially.

He figured out a lot about the human condition before modern psychology (or modern anything for that matter.) Some of his ideas still permeate our modern culture in areas like marketing and the science of persuasion.

In fact, I was watching a video the other day (included below) about his 3 means of persuasion. His argument was, to influence people efficiently, you must include all three of these elements.

What I realized is the three elements also apply to make friends. They serve as a handy guide to get past many sticking points in the friendship building process.[Read more…]

The new site design is done and I have to say, I’m very happy with it. All the same great information on understanding shyness and social awkwardness is still here, but I think in a much easier to digest format.

One of the issues I had with the previous design was clutter. It was just too noisy. Besides that, this design loads a little faster. The end result is I’m hoping it’s a more valuable resource for anyone who wants to start building their social skills and feeling more confident and outgoing.

So obviously I’m happy with the site, but please let me know what you think in the comments.

I will continue to tweak things and try to make available the most helpful information and resources to my readers from my own experience and that of experts in the field. Besides the new layout and design, here’s what you can look forward to in the future of CsC…[Read more…]

It’s such a hassle. You’d like to talk to new people but they’ll probably wonder what the hell you want or why you’re approaching them. They’ll likely just ignore you and you’ll feel embarrassed.

For you, going out isn’t worth it. Even if you go with friends, you mostly stand quiet off to the side. You see people you’d like to talk to, but never bring yourself to do it.

So what’s the point, right?

You’ve just decided you don’t like socializing all that much. So it’s OK that you’re not that good at it. Except you know, deep down, you really DO want to be able to talk to new people and even make new friends.

Get Started Here

What People Are Saying

I’m enjoying your suggestions and ideas. They are a real boost to my motivation to reach out and connect with others.

Donald L.

I read some lessons on your website and learned about ‘free information’ which was immediately helpful. At a party that night I was able to find free information and use it to build on. Very cool.

Michele K.

I really like reading your suggestions. They are by far the most useful I’ve come across. You’ve really hit on a topic that adults struggle with and there is very little information out there for assistance.

Michele K.

By truth I am telling I have implemented all concepts what ever Dean J says and I got results.

Shankar M.C.

I just want to say thaaaaaaaaaaaanks! This is actually the best thing that has happened to me in a really long time.

Schambach

…your tips are useful and it is noticeable that you love what you teach and that you are not a guy that tries to trick people and get benefit from them, something which is really valuable.

Fernando M.

I found the complete story of my life in your blog/lessons. There was nothing amiss. Everything that is wrong with me, all my woes, struggles, ambitions, desires, I found them all in there.

Tushi

On your 2nd video right now and absolutely brilliant and so helpful! The concept has really given me a realization of where i have been going wrong during conversations.

Kirsty C.

I used to run away from people to avoid conversation. I am becoming a little better with that. I find myself sitting next to people. Before your 1st lesson, I’d sit far away from them.

Richardeen S.

Thanks to your website and videos, I can now talk to anybody one-on-one with little difficulty.