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I will never meet my love match

I am writing to you from up in the air on my way to LALA land (aka Los Angeles). Hemal and I are thinking of spending the winters there, so we are checking out Santa Monica as a potential place to live for a couple of months out of the year. And then we are off to San Francisco, where I’m speaking on Saturday at a conference named NetIP where the theme is “Dare To Be You.” Love that.

I feel so blessed to be living a life by my own terms and it absolutely didn’t happen overnight. Just 4 years ago, the love between Hemal and me, the lifestyle we are creating, and the business I have built weren’t even within the realm of possibility. And even if I were to claim I had planned it all, I know the plan would have been a lesser version than what we are experiencing right now.

I have been doing some reflecting on how all this happened. It has taken hard work in terms of my business, letting go and understanding myself when it comes to my relationship, and with everything: a gut knowingness that I was meant for something big in my life.

I know that you also have an itch in your gut, a knowingness that you are meant for something big in your life, especially when it comes to love. I hear women say to me all the time “I want BIG love.” And I say, “That is exactly what you deserve.”

We desire this, and yet at the same time, we second-guess it constantly.

This week in particular, I had several conversations with women who are feeling hopeless around finding the man they know they are supposed to be with. One of them was dating someone she really liked and he totally flaked in the last couple of weeks, sending her into a space of really questioning if she will ever meet a man she can spend the rest of her life with. Another girl was attracted to this guy she’d met through a course she was taking and was smitten with him. Then, she found out that he has a girlfriend. This sent her into questioning if she will ever meet her love match.

I hear these kinds of stories all the time. I myself have had these experiences. I remember when Hemal and I had broken up, and I felt like I had lost the “one” I was supposed to be with. That sent me into a depression, questioning everything I knew about love.

When I would get quiet with myself, there was a knowingness that I was meant to be with Hemal, and yet — he wasn’t showing up. That thought alone would send me into a whirlwind of questions and doubt.

This week, in particular I went into deep contemplation of why do we do this to ourselves: second-guess what we know inside to be true. It’s actually a form of self-abuse.

I reflected on the words of the Indian monks that I grew up to make sense of these patterns. And the wisdom bomb landed.

Our thoughts are powerful. And yet they are fleeting, change constantly, and are incomplete. So they frequently take us out of being present. And being present allows us to tap into that knowingness.

When you are in the place of feeling like “nothing is going to work out” or “I will never meet my love match” –- I want you to get present.

And here is one way for you to do that.

First, allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling.

Next, recognize and appreciate all the things you have wanted and gotten in the past.

When have you had a dream? Maybe from 5 years ago or 10 years ago? Did you want to move to a new city (and do it)? Did you want to get a certain job (and get it)? Did you desire to start a business (and start it)?

We need to move you out of believing that you’ve never gotten what you’ve wanted and for you to start seeing how you have always figured it out. And how, most times, you have gotten exactly what you’ve wanted.

So here is your Lovework:

Write down 5 things that you have really wanted in your life and you got.

What we are doing is creating some doubt in any thought that you can’t have what you want in love. So you start to see that the love you want is something you can get!

I want to hear the 5 things you have wanted in your life and got. Share with me below.