I have nothing in common with an eighth grade girl. We like different things, view the world through different lenses, and are at opposite ends of certain milestone life events. Therefore, I recognize the power of Bo Burnham’s Eighth Grade which made me identify with, feel as awkward as, and dive headfirst into empathetic convulsions toward Elsie Fisher’s 13 year-old Kayla. After watching it, I asked my wife, female co-workers, and podcast co-host how they survived being 13? It comes off scarier than horror stories and frequently resembles emotional torture. Being a 13 year-old sucked, but compared to Kayla, I was coasting by on Easy Street.

Don’t get the wrong impression - Kayla is not bullied at school, she is not abused at home, and she doesn’t suffer from any debilitating diseases - she’s just plain ol’ 13 year-old Kayla. She appears rather typical. She would rather sit at the dinner table wearing earbuds on Instagram rather than chat with her single-parent dad (Josh Hamilton, Frances Ha). When dad attempts to initiate conversation, Kayla acts like he is the annoying one for interrupting screen time rather than the other way around.

Kayla has a crush on a boy, she envies the popular girls at school, and even creates brief advice segments for her own YouTube channel telling her peers to be themselves. Hypocritically, Kayla is the opposite of herself on the Internet. She buffs and polishes before taking a wake-up selfie and signs off her videos with an out of place, “Gucci!” Being 13 was hard enough without the Internet. Now, meals, quips, and thoughts are posted throughout the day. There is an Ingrid Goes West slippery slope for Kayla to watch out for here but she doesn’t come off as a stalker nor does she use the Internet in a malicious manner - it looks like everyone is finishing up their final week of middle school glued to their iPhone screens.

During the end of the year awards presentation, Kayla wins ‘Most Quiet’, a feat she does not consider an achievement. She spends her day staring at a phone, but so does everyone else - she’s just shy. It’s clear Kayla has self-esteem issues related to her body shape and acne. She covers the protruding bumps in makeup layers but they still shine through. Compared to the popular girls, Kayla is more run-of-the-mill average than petit. In the most awkward and fear-inducing scene, Kayla meekly steps outside at a pool party wearing a one piece bathing suit while the rest of the girls are in bikinis. Nobody even notices Kayla, but the audience is dying right along with Kayla.

I puzzled over why I as a guy in my late 30’s felt such embarrassment at the scene. That is the power of writer/director Bo Burnham. Burnham is only 27 years-old and Eighth Grade is his first feature film. But through a combination of script, camera work, music, and Fisher’s acting, I wanted to run back inside the house and hide too. Here is a sign of top-notch directing. The audience feels what the main character feels, right down to the heart-pounding nerves. Burnham also made YouTube videos when he was a young teen, but they were funny rather than earnest. Later as a stand-up comedian, Burnham is the youngest person ever to land his own Netflix comedy special.

I don’t believe Burnham has any special connection with today’s youth, but he noticed something we didn’t. Kayla is tormented by images of her peers having what looks like the time of their lives without her. Yet, she comes alive when she looks at her phone. In reality, she is a wallflower, but the face-to-phone connection feels natural and comforting. Is Burnham saying self-obsession leads to loneliness? Would Kayla have been as isolated if she was in eighth grade back with me in 1993? Probably. ​

While Elsie Fisher (McFarland, USA) dives into her character and may even enter Best Actress rumors during award season, Burnham will also hover around Best Screenplay and Best Director talk. Eighth Grade is that powerful. There are scenes we want to scream at Kayla to run away from when we recognize the dangerous situation she is in, but she is to naive to notice. When she researches blow jobs, we want to advise that may not be the way to true love. I have a full time job, a soul-crushing commute in Washington D.C. traffic, a wife, a five year-old, and one of the meanest cats on Earth. Kayla’s life is exponentially harder than mine with .01% of the responsibility. She is also the most credible and relatable characters to grab our attention in a long time.