Tuesday, May 06, 2003

I STILL LOVE MY JOB

I love it when the doctors are cracking up during their dictations. There is almost nothing funnier than when a doctor, a male doctor no less, can't keep a straight voice when dictating, "Testicles are bilaterally descended...chuckle...rectal exam reveals...ahem...sphincter with normal tone...guffaw, guffaw...excuse me, I'm sorry." He actually broke down in guffaws when doing a CPX report. Heh. I think testicles and anal sphincters are pretty funny too, doc.

You don't transcribe medical reports for five years without getting some excellent laughs. I once had an entire 10-page document with funny things doctors have said. When I find it, you damn well better believe I'm posting it. One I remember in particular was a radiation oncologist who would say things like, "The patient comes in today for treatment of carcinoma of the pharynx...er, wait. No. Larynx. No...hold on. Did this one have a breast? Oh...hold on, I'm so sorry....no, thyroid. Okay, start over. The patient comes in today for continued treatment of carcinoma of the thyroid." When the doctor can't remember where your cancer is, you're in trouble.

I make mistakes when typing, too, and some of those are even funnier. I'll give you my favorite here: "The patient thinks she has a yeats infection." Does she have an Irish poet in her pants? Supposed to be a "yeast infection," of course. Duh. That one is so memorable because it got past me and went to the client. The proofreaders got a good laugh, too; at least, the ones who had a broad enough range of education to realize that Yeats is an Irish poet.

I'd never turn an Irish poet away from my pants. I think if I got one, I'd like to keep him there. Or even a half-Irish poet. Or even a half-Irish guy who writes poetry but works at a bookstore in his spare time.

Okay, this is verging on too much information, so I'll leave it alone.