Joyfulmind Blog

New Year’s resolution: how about choosing something that will help all your other resolutions running smoothly? Mindfulness!

Mindfulness comes in handy for all occasions and dilemmas- the issue of detachment, for example.

The D-word I was talking to a friend about the D word the other day and it got me thinking. Detachment is emotional non-doing on a grand scale. Detachment is challenging, hard and always easier said than done. It’s not easy to disentangle ourselves from the pain of change, of a break-up, of losing a job or someone we love. Attachment pervades every aspect of our life. Is it really possible to detach, just like that? How do we let go when we never even wanted to?

Dangers of Detachment? Surely detachment runs the risk of overstepping the mark into suppression, numbness, switching off, aloofness or passivity, none of which are desirable options. Even the word detachment sounds like the gaping black hole that is left when we manage to stoically extinguish feelings for what we love. Detachment doesn’t sound like much fun: bring on the sackcloth and ashes.Mindfulness to the rescue Mindfulness aids detachment because mindfulness always brings us back to the present, to the here and now, to what we’re feeling and thinking and judging in this moment. Attachment on the other hand is about the past and the future, our regrets and our fears. So the only place we can be so-called detached is in the present moment. Right now, and every time we bring ourselves back to Right now. Out of our heads, and back into Right Now. Letting go is hard when we expect to reach the outcome without due process. Process is key, and process means working with the very thoughts and feelings with which keep us anchored to the past or future. Mindfulness exposes our rumination: rumination is the thing that keeps us stuck. The problem with rumination is that it is largely unconscious. Mindfulness is the tool that brings our shadowy stuff into the light where it can get an airing and allow us to move on. We get to know what’s actually going on in our heads and how we contribute to that. Doing so, we start to notice how we unwittingly embellish our thoughts; how we embroider our stories and enhance our fears.

The ProcessMindful detachment is the process of bringing awareness to our thoughts and feelings in a gentle, self-compassionate and non-judgmental way. We don’t have to be harsh with ourselves and feel inadequate. We can accept that the brain has evolved in such a way that the human person needs to feel safe and secure; anything that threatens our well-being is interpreted by our nervous system as a major threat. Threats are met with an overreaction of neurochemicals in our bloodstream that cause us to react even further and before we know it we’re trapped in a whirlwind of misery. Blame evolution: use the wisdom and common sense of mindfulness to counter evolution’s inadequacies. The mindful outlook encourages us to pay attention to our thoughts and feelings in a new way. We are not our thoughts; indeed, the mind has the capacity to step back and observe itself. See for yourself: is it not possible for part of your mind to observe what you’re thinking? To be aware that you are aware?