She's a bit of a know-it-all, sometimes a grouch, and never suffers a fool gladly. Some whisper she's really a soft touch; you can be the judge of that. We just drive her to the beauty shop and keep her knee-deep in chocolates.(Not to mention tequila.)But if you've got a question, Auntie's got the answer. So what are you waiting for? Straighten out your life, and the life of everyone you know, today. Just ask Auntie at askauntieshrew@Yahoo.com!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Long Distance Marriage Prompts Too Many Questions

Dear Auntie,My husband and I are both very happy in our careers, even though they require us to live on opposite coasts. The distance hasn't been a problem for us, but I need a way tell people who are sure that living apart "must be soooo hard" that, in fact, it isn't-- without sounding like I don't love my husband. For example, when I reply simply, "No, we're fine with the distance," I can tell they don't believe me or think our marriage must be falling apart. What would you say?Thanks!WVDR

Dear WVDR,Auntie would say it's none of their f*cking business, but she can tell from your letter that you are seeking a polite response. (Sigh. Those are always the hardest.)

Okay, why don't you turn the tables on them? When one of these rude persons asks a personal question, or, as you point out, assumes the worst regarding your living arrangements, you do not owe them an answer. They are in the wrong for discussing your personal life without being invited to do so, and you are under no obligation to encourage them. Simply raise your eyebrows, tilt your head, peer at them over your glasses (if you don't wear glasses, too bad; it's a very effective technique) and ask, quite innocently, "Why would you think that?" If they persist, maintain the innocent, puzzled look and eventually they'll give up.

Another technique you might try is to respond, "On the contrary, we find the reunions delightful." Then lean closer in a conspiratorial manner and whisper, "I'd tell you more, but too much of it is X-rated." That should shut the busybodies up!