Tactical Sammichs!

"Tactical Sammiches are available in Pepperoni and BBQ Beef, the only flavors double certified* for post apocalypse survivor ration shelving. At 300 calories of pure tactical goodness, CMMG Tactical Sammiches have a shelf life of over 2 years if maintained at 80 degrees or less. The sammiches can be stored at 100 degrees for up to six months, in case you're stuck somewhere warm when the radioactive commie zombies attack."

I wish they were bigger and contained way more calories. We need massive calories for Zombies, dammit!