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Moving Onward…Two Steps Back – Reflections

March 25th

Dear Journal,

Days and days of scouting. It seems as if we’re moving forward by inches and it is taking me forever to get to Halfhill. It may just be me and my anxiety in reaching that one destination because I feel like that is going to be the place that I will be able to find my Sindorei.

I know that Kal wrote me a quick letter to let me know that he has been on long range scouting missions with his Sentinel and that they aren’t in town that much these days, however, he told me how to find his farm. I know his farm is next to his Father’s, so, that should narrow down my searching a bit, I hope.

While this is a beautiful country and I am falling in love with the philosophy of its people, it is still very dangerous. We’ve had a few injuries in our group due to people mistakenly thinking that a particular insect or beast was gentle and used to people being around. I always smile and shake my head because some of these women have got to realize that because it’s cute and seems friendly, it’s still a wild thing. Oh well, lessons learned the hard way are often never forgotten in the long run. I’ve almost fallen prey to the same kind of absentmindedness a couple of times, however, my Lumina has been smart enough to protect me from myself.

Lumina really seems to like Pandaria and I have to admit that it has put some life back into her too. We have been together for a very long time, much like my Sindorei and his Pan. I have noticed that when we are in Dawn Blossom that she stays rather close to me as if she doesn’t quite trust the Pandaren yet although she loves the attention from the little ones, strange cat. I know that it must be from the size of the adults that she gets nervous – she was this way when we were in Uldum too.

I got a letter from my parents as well as Vashlan. He, of course, wants to know if he could make some changes in the apartment and I told him “no” because I know that he has been wanting to take Kal’s room for a long time due to the view of the harbor. No, he can’t take his older brother’s room just because he isn’t there to use it very often. Besides, one would have thought that Vashlan would have been happy with the room he has, it does view the Mage Quarter where he spends most of his time anyway. Knowing Vashlan the way that I do, his room is probably cluttered and a mess and he wants Kal’s room to have more areas to put his “stuff” – I honestly don’t know where that boy feels like he has to have so many books and robes. Well, yes I do, his Father is definitely a clothes horse and has always had an extensive home library at all of our houses that we’ve shared together. Being half Sindorei may have not only brought out the Mage in Vashlan, it may have also fed the Sindorei need for the “finer” things.

It sounds like the little guys are still giving my parents fits and that means that I will have to go to Dolonaar sometime in the very near future and read the riot act on them again. Honestly, these two boys make raising Kal and Vashlan seem like a walk in the park. My Mother seems to think that the youngest one is going to be leaning towards druidism, which is fine by me, however, my Mother remembers the long periods of time that her own Father, my Grandfather, would disappear into the Dream. She’s trying her best to steer him towards the priesthood, however, I don’t know if that would work for him either, he has a certain wildness about him that by studying to become a Druid might appease that. The older boy, well, he’s a puzzle, he seems to be drifting from studying one thing to the next and isn’t able to make up his mind. I know that at one point, I thought he was going to follow in his Kaldorei Father’s footsteps and take up the bow, now, I’m not so sure. I know the hunting accident that took his Father’s life did leave him traumatized for quite a while because he always felt and probably still feels that it was his fault.

I’m definitely torn with my duties of a Sentinel and my responsibilities as a Mother. There has to be a happy medium there somewhere. Oh, my Sindorei knows how I feel about being domestic after all of these years and he hasn’t pressured me to give up my life for the children or our homes. We have both had to make compromises in our lives to make sure that the children didn’t suffer from our choices, however, I was the one that stayed in Shattrath alone for a long time raising our two sons. I think the poor man is trying to make up for his lost time with the two youngest, not only because their biological Father was killed but because he is trying to make up for the lost time with his sons.

I look back at my life and have to frown and laugh at the same time. I’ve had two loves in my life, my Sindorei being the first and my Kaldorei mate that I took when I thought that my Sindorei had abandoned his family. I wonder what things would have been like if I had done things differently? Would I change anything? I think my life would have been the same as it is right now, children, husband and extended families. I don’t think that I would trade it for anything and this is the path that was chosen for me by Elune.

Oh well, it’s time for me to put this book away and get back to the business at hand. I wonder how much closer we will get to Halfhill today?