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Freaking Out

I freaked out yesterday, on just the first full day we’ve been here in Tainan. But I didn’t freak out for the obvious reason. I didn’t freak out upon seeing my dad. No, I freaked out when I found out that the house we’re staying at doesn’t have wi-fi.

I need internet! How can I work if I don’t have internet! What the hell am I going to do?

Well….

I go, and I get internet. It’s not that big a deal. They actually *gasp gasp* do have the technology in Taiwan. I felt like a pretty big tool after my brief freakout session.*

It took some mulling, but I think I finally figured out why I chose to freak out about the internet. You see, I can’t let myself freak out about my dad right now. It’s too early. We don’t know how this is all going to pan out. He might wake up in the next day or two.

Freaking out about my dad would mean that I’m admitting that this is serious, that yes, he’s in coma, and he may be in this coma for months, maybe… even… longer. So, I can’t freak out about him right now. I need to stay optimistic.

And because of that, I think my brain really just needed something tangible to freak out about. And lack of internet is tangible. It’s a clear problem with a clear solution. Neither of those aspects apply to my dad’s situation right now.

Okay, brain. That’s fine. I guess you’re allowed to freak out about the lack of internet. Carry on.

*For the record, my version of “freaking out” entails me standing there, mostly in silence, fuming in exasperation. It’s not like I actually threw a tantrum or anything. Even freaking out, I’d like to think I’m still a pretty composed person.