My Bio
I have no friends at all. I am in college now and I have nobody besides my mother; she and my father are the only ones that care in this world. A Junior now, I feel like a retard going thru life with no meaning, or aim. I was diagnosed in HS and since then, I have felt like my cognitive function is declining, and I can't tell if I am lazy or tired from the disease.
I am on an emotional rollercoaster. I keep losing hair. I get chest pains. When there is a test, I may actually break down.

The closest people ignore me and leave me to my misery when I get emotional, angry. hear them in the room across, laughing with friends. They feel I am being a bitch and I am cold and emotionless. I want to die sometimes.

Am I alone?

12-07-2008, 10:21 PM

Saysusie

You most certainly ARE NOT ALONE! My daughter, like you, felt exactly the same way when she was away at college. I cried for her because, like you, she had such a tender heart and such a loving soul. If you were not a person with these qualities, then you would not be hurting now. As a mother, my heart aches for you and I know that it may sound like a platitude, but those people who are whispering about you across the room....they are the ones who have a problem.....NOT YOU!

With your illness and all that it heaps upon you, you are much stronger, much braver, and infinitely much more gifted than they are. The truth is, with all that you are dealing with; with your feelings of being unworthy...these girls (I'm assuming they are mostly girls) are jealous. How they wish that they had the fortitude to do what you do having to deal with what you deal with! They are incapable of being decent, how could they manage to be brave like you?

Now, here is what I want you to think about. Those people who are whispering about you across the room......what kind of people do you think they are? Do you want to be like them? I would venture to say that you want to be nothing like them. If that is true, then consider it a blessing that they do not like you. Because if they liked you, then that would mean that you are like them! Being like them is the last thing that you want to be. So, the more that they dislike you and talk about you, the more you know that you are so much better than they are.
Turn you back to them, what they say tells the world much more about them, than it does about you. They are mean and they are ugly people.

I know that, when you need friends, Mom & Dad do not always fill that need. But, Mom and Dad will never forsake you and they never want you to be hurt. Talk to them about how you feel and let them know how it affects you.

I know that most colleges offer counseling, do you think that you might want to take advantage of these services offered by your school? Also, all colleges have a office or union for Disabled Students. Having Lupus qualifies you to take advantage of the services that they offer. These services usually include referrals to support groups where you can find comfort, understanding and support from people who understand what you are dealing with.

In the meantime, please come here to us so that we can make sure that you know that you are not alone. This family here is filled with people (many of whom are around your age) who are truly understanding, supportive, caring, and who want to help you as much as we can.

Again....you are not alone. We are here for you.

Peace and Blessings
Saysusie

12-23-2008, 07:13 AM

sickntired

I'm in the same boat as you! I am 22 almost 23 and just graduated from college (it is hard to do with Lupus but don't give up!!) If you ever need to talk, I will be happy to chat with you, I know what its like to be so young and want to give up on life.

12-23-2008, 12:33 PM

Angel Oliver

hi

NO you are not alone. I am older 39 and so understand your pain.We are here for you.Chat to us anytime. I hope you feel a little better just knowing we are here for you.

Sending you lots of hugs.
Love
Angel.xxx

02-15-2009, 08:25 AM

JennM

Don't give up! I understand how you feel. I have often thought, it would just be easier to die. You have your whole life ahead of you. I struggle with the depression that goes along with this chronic illness myself and I am thinking about asking my doctor for some medication for it. Maybe you should consider this as well. Also, I don't know what your faith is, but GOD is here for you and he will NEVER leave you alone. Take care!

02-16-2009, 08:25 PM

Heather3188

hey

Please don't give up. I have to tell myself not to everyday.

In the past 6 months I had to quit school because I couldn't afford it very well anymore and I've been so sick, then I was in a back car accident (we rolled three times and flipped twice) then I had to have an appendectomy and then 3 weeks after that (on my 22nd birthday) I was sent 4 towns away in the ambulance for a small bowel obstruction (most pain I've ever endured) and now the dr's think I have lupus or some sort of auto immune disorder. I don't know what else to do. I should be a senior in college about to graduate and I have at least 2 more years to go. I planned on joining the Air National Guard because I want to serve my country and they will help me go to college.. If I have lupus I don't know how I'll ever afford to go back to school.

03-01-2009, 07:20 PM

Anouska09

I'm not diagnosed yet with lupus, I have been diagnosed with FMS though. But I TOTALLY understand what you mean when your friends think your a biz or a flake because your in so much pain you can't go out or even think straight.

I have found this forum to be so helpful, a place where everyone understands and as someone said (I don't remember who) They love you not because you have and illness or in spite of the illness, but because they would love YOU.

In high school, I was labeled as the biz, because most high school kids just don't understand that it's possible to be sick all the time and not have cancer (at least that's how my high school was) And I didn't do much to help that because when I was in pain and someone would touch a sore spot, I would snap at them. I would feel awful afterward, but they wouldn't listen. bleh.

It's really good that you have your mom and dad as support. I don't know what I would do if my mom hadn't been there for me, especially with my last bout of being sick, it was so bad I had to drop out of college for the next 2 semesters. My dad doesn't really get it, he's still trying to comprehend that I have to sleep and rest a lot because I have to, not because I want to or because I am lazy.

Sorry, I kinda dragged on (and about myself)
If ya need to talk, there's a bunch of people here who will listen, including me.:^)

03-02-2009, 09:57 AM

sick n tired

No, Honey, you are not alone.

I agree with Saysusie...talk to your parents...I have a daughter who recently came to me crying about the same things. Her illness just exaserbates everything. At least I can comfort her and hold her and cry with her.
Also, you are not lazy...many of us go through those thoughts.

03-05-2009, 10:05 AM

Wishing

I have so be on the same boat !!
many many time i was diagnosed when i was 15 the summer befor high school it was so so so hard!!! And i know its not easy at all to just keep a happy face on when your body is going through all this junk.

but stay strong and know your never alone you never have to go through anything alone unless you wish it to be that way.

03-13-2009, 05:36 PM

ashleybaby715

hun your not alone!
im 16 and have just been diagnosed. and i know how it feels when you feel outa place, and like different from everybody else. because you cant do things everyone else is doing.
during like december, all my friends were going iceskating and doing all these fun things...things i couldnt do because i didnt have the strength to move off the couch.

things will brighten up forsure!
and you will make friends!
&& don't forget, you have us too!

me and you can def relate even more since we're sorta kinda close in age... [[im a junior in highschool]]