Hi leaders, please give me advice about my essay, thank you in advance
It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy.

Do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes claimed that people prefer to be unemployed than to be unsatisfied with their job. I disagree with this view for various reasons as now will be discussed.

On the one hand, I believe that the choice of being on unemployment to wait for other job opportunities would have immense negative effects to the worker’s future career. Indeed, not everyone is fortunate enough to find a job satisfaction immediately after graduation, hence, if be unemployed for the prolonged period, they are apt to lose their motivation and enthusiasm; as a result this lead to the poor productivity as they back to work. Furthermore, those who are on unemployment could fall behind their fellows since they lose the great deal time to build up their career and expand their professional network. Therefore, it is quite difficult for them to compete with their future colleagues.

On the other hand, workers could derive enormous benefits from a job, even though it is not corresponding to their hobbies and career orientation. It is true that having a job will guarantee their income which allows them to fulfill their basic needs. For example, having a job held graduates who come from rural areas could help them maintain their life in metropolises like Ho Chi Minh City. In addition, by accessing the real working environment, they have a considerable score for accumulating practical experiment, and this helps them become more adaptable to various working environments.

In conclusion, it is rather difficult for people to find their dream job immediately, I believe that performing an unfavorable job is an effective way to prepare for their career prospect.

Hi Nancy, you did a great job of addressing the prompt. I think your format was very effective, as one paragraph gave the drawbacks of the point you disagree with while the second bod paragraph gave the advantages of your viewpoint. This is a format that often works really well for “Do you agree or disagree?” type prompts like this. I thought your introduction was a little bit weak though. I have given some comments and a suggested introduction below:

thaodang119:

It is sometimes claimed that people prefer to be unemployed than to [remain] unsatisfied with their job. {or better, “than to remain in an unsatisfying job”} I disagree with this view for various reasons as now will be discussed. {I think this introduction and thesis could be a bit better. Maybe start with a sentence explaining why the issue is important, then explain what the controversy is, and then give your thesis with a short summary of your reasons of support. Maybe “By retirement, an employee may have spent thousands of hours working, so satisfaction with one’s job plays in a huge role in how fulfilled and how happy a person is. Keeping this in mind, some pundits claim that it is preferable to be unemployed than to remain in an unenjoyable career position. I disagree with this viewpoint, as being unemployed brings significant drawbacks and holding even a tedious job can provide important benefits.” A thesis statement like this gives a clear picture of your essay structure to the reader and lets them know exactly what to expect as they read your body paragraphs. }

On the one hand, I believe that the choice of being on unemployment [in order] to wait for other job opportunities would have immense negative effects to the worker’s future career. Indeed, not everyone is fortunate enough to find a job satisfaction immediately after graduation, hence, if [staying] unemployed for [a ] prolonged period, they are apt to lose their motivation and enthusiasm; as a result this [leads] to the poor productivity [when] they [get] back to work. {or better, “when they eventually get a job that appeals to them”} Furthermore, those who are on unemployment could fall behind their fellows since they lose [a ] great deal [of] time [in which they could have built] build up their career and [expanded] {yours is not bad, but this tense works better here} their professional network. Therefore, it is quite difficult for them to compete with their future colleagues.

On the other hand, workers could derive enormous benefits from [any] job, even though it is not corresponding to their hobbies {I don’t think a job that corresponds to your hobbies is necessarily better} and career orientation. It is true that having a job will guarantee their income[,] which allows them to fulfill their basic needs. For example, having a job held [for] graduates who come from rural areas[, having a job] could help them maintain their life in metropolises like Ho Chi Minh City. In addition, by accessing[ a] real working environment, they have a considerable [source] for accumulating practical [experience], and this helps them become more adaptable to various working environments.

In conclusion, it is rather difficult for people to find their dream job immediately[. Therefore, I] believe that performing an unfavorable job is an effective way to prepare for their [future] career [prospects].