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Panic

So I’m back, I’ve been away for a few days hence the lack of posts. It’s been a very weird night, I was watching an old season of House on DVD and one of the scenes basically made me freak out. It made me think about something that, while I think about more than I should, for some reason made me panic (long story for another time). I’m not sure why, maybe I’m just having an overly sensitive night or something. But it really got to me to the point when I was actually relieved when the scene ended. Stuff like that almost never happens to me when I’m watching TV, its not like I especially cared about the character, he was just a random patient who I knew would be cured at the end of the episode. But afterwards I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and what it reminded me of to the point where I actually had to leave the house just to clear my head. It’s so frustrating, I can’t even watch a show without my mind messing with me. I haven’t been having the best of months which is probably why I’m having such a hard time sorting myself out right now but still, its stupid and I feel like a weak fool. Just when I’m having a good run things turn to hell. It is like I’m a gambler, I think I’m on a winning streak so I bet the lot and end up with nothing, or a (figurative) loan shark threatening to break my legs. I just need to escape my own head sometimes but it isn’t easy at the moment, actually its downright impossible right now. Even writing this to an audience who I don’t know I feel like an idiot. Seriously brain WTF?!