Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/22

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Why is evyrone so carp at speelig? No, seriously, could you possibly mention in the signpost that I have resurrected the Proofreading service, and intend to keep it going. If you know that you're not great at spelling (and grammar), or just can't be arsed, add the template {{Proofread}} to your page and I'll have a look. I generally don't alter the actual jokes too much, so no need to worry about me "ruining your work". There are some pages on here where the poor s.+g. genuinely spoils the article, and if more people just asked for help it could be very easily fixed. Cheers. Sir Reverend P. Pennyfeather (fancy a chat?) CUNVFHPLS 22:25, April 22, 2013 (UTC)

He's not me spelling. that problimise's its just a grammars !and the ,punctuations. Thank you, reverand we have been well aware of your "correction" service at some time but don't worry I have been "corrected" and I am a true monk of the order.

Anyway on a serious note I'll put an article about you in UnSignpost and will use your services if they are needed. Thanks. Sir ScottPatUnSCUNVFH(talk) 06:14, April 23, 2013 (UTC)

Talking about dictatorship, Funnybony is a perfect example of how Uncyclopedia bans talented writers. As other users may have noticed, several of his latest nominations have to passed VFH. That is impossible to understand: someone who is so experienced, a person who has 8 Uncyclopedia prizes for writing and who, by now, has created 546 (!) articles, physically can't write a piece which won't be featured. So independent experts have concluded that Uncyclopedia is ruled by a terrible dictator who does not want any clever and talented people in his community.

Oh, maybe this is why Llwy-ar-lawr left our site? Well, now we stop writing about that, who knows, maybe UnSignpost will get banned?

A full week has passed since our last edition and the news is piling up, notably the story for which we'd "clear Page One" if we ever had more than one page: This week was just like last week.

Except that Uncyclopedia's only "openly" Welsh editor has left the site in protest over the obvious racism against her race (are the Welsh a race?) or language, on the part of either us, Britain, or Wikia. Overlooked is the fact that the member is female, a class we proudly discriminate in favor of. Consequently, both Admin Simsilikesims and recently un-permabanned Zana Dark have complained at how the celibate masses at Uncyclopedia are wiping their mouths when either walks by. Management has tried to assuage the fallen-away member by decreeing that all Uncyclopedia articles must now be written in Welsh (and users must install the Unicode "ancient rune" font page) but to no avail.

And except that Funnybony, after 8 Uncyclopedia writing prizes, 44.5 entries in the Hall of Shame (our eighth most prolific ever), and 546 articles, just keeps getting nominated on VFH. We are studying how it is possible that he can't ever write an article that isn't featured.

Upon further review, I still think y'all should hold the presses until something happens more notable than yet another rage-quit.SpıkeѦ12:42 7-May-13

I didn't mean "self-reference" to Anton, but the start, "we are back to annoy you," was introversion that made me not want to continue reading. I personally do not like the theme that Uncyclopedia is a dictatorship, because the same is stated in seriousness too often to pursue personal strategies. I would not want it to be signed in my name, exactly so as not to seem as though I am "Management" or speaking for others. If the format requires that an author be named--and it really doesn't--then I don't mind you being named; in fact, most of the ideas are yours, only the copy-editing (and spoiling your central theme!) is mine, and it is clear from the record who did what. SpıkeѦ13:03 7-May-13

Oh, I thought it was necessary for it to be signed. Then I think it is better not to put a signature. So Scott can take this version for the newspaper. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 13:06, May 7, 2013 (UTC)

Onward, then! It is going to take more than this to make an issue! What else newsworthy is going on here? SpıkeѦ13:24 7-May-13

I don't know: Scott asked me to write only one article for the issue but I can do more if it's needed. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 13:29, May 7, 2013 (UTC)

(Thank you for indenting. But the point of indenting is to set your post off from my post, and it doesn't succeed if you indent at exactly the same column as I indented! Most Uncyclopedians use one more colon (so ::) than the last guy, but I stick to one horizontal position to keep the text from getting too narrow too quick--an effect that seems to amuse the others--because I have an old PC and not so many pixels.)

I toldexpressed my opinion to Scott that his goal of increasing to once-a-week was too ambitious to achieve right now. I do think we need more substance to justify a new edition. It will happen, eventually. SpıkeѦ13:35 7-May-13

Well, I think we can find content. It's just that it may not interest everyone. For example, there is a new user Gangnam Style Is Your Mom who seems to be a vandal but can actually be just a new user who needs help and guiding. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 14:00, May 7, 2013 (UTC)

Power to you! I am tracking several other new users who do not seem to be vandals and who probably do not need guidance. I plan to highlight them by putting their articles on VFH when they seem to be done with them. Perhaps chat up Gangnam on his talk page and find out more about him that you could turn into a story. SpıkeѦ14:11 7-May-13

I will try to but he doesn't seem to respond. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 14:24, May 7, 2013 (UTC)

Sadly, not all of us are on around-the-clock and everyone but Simsilikesims goes to sleep. Where ScottPat is, it is "tea time" and his absence is easily explained, though the custom became a big problem when we bailed out their asses in World War 2. (If that last piece of trolling doesn't elicit a response, nothing will.) SpıkeѦ14:42 7-May-13

Actually I was not at home all day today as I have a life (you wouldn't have guessed). It was not tea when you wrote that comment Spike as it was 15:42 British time and I am not an American stereotype of a Brit so I do not have tea and supper I just have dinner (18 hundred hours). It is arses not asses. An arse is the rear end, an ass is another name for a donkey. Our donkeys did not need bailing out. we were fine.

Anyway on Anton's point don't stop there right more if you want. You too Spike if you're not too busy. Thanks guys. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 16:22, May 7, 2013 (UTC)

When I said that he doesn't seem to respond, that was about Gangnam. Concerning Scott's life, me too, I have one. The point is that sometimes I am more active in the virtual than in the real one. But that's only during my free time. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 16:44, May 7, 2013 (UTC)

Can someone check my article on here to see whether it is actually funny as it is a response to Spike's comment on NotM as referenced in the article. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 17:23, May 7, 2013 (UTC)

It is really funny except for it's actually still self-promotion!

By the way,
we have news:

Llwy has returned

A vandal wanted to spoil Flemish and Ukraine (this topic can be developed more, so it will be a warning to all the vandals, we can even talk about Gangnam there)

Unfortunately vandals don't read UnSignpost however please write an article about Gangnam Style's Your Mom if you think that it is appropriate as I know nothing about this. Thanks. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 08:00, May 8, 2013 (UTC)

Are we going to include both of the articles that we have right now (yours and the first one)? Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 08:30, May 8, 2013 (UTC)

Yes I will put it together later. I am trying to write some articles now as I have not been able to for a while. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 08:36, May 8, 2013 (UTC)

Regarding Llwy's return (and her promised comments to the Forum I opened), it is more important that the article remain funny than that it contain every last-minute detail. Llwy has quit twice now; she is a good editor, but the continuing drama about whether she stays or leaves is unproductive and she should not be further rewarded for it with publicity.

ScottPat, I have not yet read that submission, but one thing I do not trust you to do is turn your receipt of an award (which is not news) into humor. However skillfully you wrote it, your point is still to get the largest number of Uncyclopedians to notice that I said something nice about you. Especially if it comes off as "still self-promotion" to Anton.

The return of the "Juicy Taste of Di***hea" vandal is news possibly worthy of a cryptic reference, but his actions should not be rewarded with attention in the UnSignpost either. SpıkeѦ10:17 8-May-13

I've read it now. It is transparent self-promotion, undiminished by trying to make a joke out of self-promotion. And do not refer to me as "great admin Spike." To use a notorious word for which I was recently banned for a month: That reads like sucking up. SpıkeѦ10:20 8-May-13

I am not trying to self-promote as this article is being satirical of someone self-promoting that is what Anton is saying. It is based on your comment on NotM. Please check it. If you think it still self-promotes please tell me and I will remove it. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 10:24, May 8, 2013 (UTC)

Ok I will take out "great admin Spike." I'll do the article from Nobody's point of view so then it won't be self-promoting me but still making a joke out of self-promoting (which is my only goal for the article). SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 10:26, May 8, 2013 (UTC)

Please spend the same time more productively. If someone told me that ScottPat was writing a giant joke about self-promotion, I wouldn't read it. And I might groan. SpıkeѦ10:30 8-May-13

PS--And you used the Nobody technique in the very last issue! SpıkeѦ10:38 8-May-13

PS - Yes I did use the Nobody technique in that and the one before that. It is a recurring theme. Every week (or month) he writes an article in that style. Many newspapers have the same colomnist writing in the same section with the same style so it could be seen as a parody of that. If you don't think it's funny let me know. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 10:42, May 8, 2013 (UTC)

I enjoyed its use in the previous issue. But it is a stock approach and it will get old faster than you think. SpıkeѦ10:59 8-May-13

For example an unknown IP vandal who seemed to be sleeping for the whole year and whose only contributions were to add several quotes here and there, is fully awake now. During the last two days (to be more accurate: nights) he was trying to realize a very carefully planned attack. He has added several quotes to at least 20 pages on Uncyclopedia. His goal was to... Well, no one knows what his goal was because it has not been achieved and Uncyclopedia has neither lost its high morality, nor encountered major crisis. To be honest, everything that the vandal did in an hour (probably), has been undone in ... several minutes. Those who saved Uncyclopedia from external enemies and whom we can thank are: Simsilikesims (as always), Spike, ScottPat, Frosty, Llwy-ar-lawr and...ahem... me.

Llwy-ar-lawr has returned in order to continue arguing explain us her point of view on virtual discrimination if national minorities (probably some Americans, Russians, etc.).

Well, there were no other news except for a new article not being featured for days. Of course, I was glad to see that my first featured work was present on the main page for three days but that doesn't mean I don't want our site to work well. 99% of our community is still hibernating.

Please, I would like to hear your comments and tell me if I didn't mention someone when thanking those who reverted vandal's edits! Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 17:20, May 17, 2013 (UTC)

You mentioned everyone's names and your English is getting lots better. I will need to change the last section to beef it up a bit (add more content) but apart from that it's great. Thanks. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 06:31, May 18, 2013 (UTC)

That's good. I am happy my English is improving. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 08:49, May 18, 2013 (UTC)

A lot of things on Uncyclopedia are not what their title suggests (and sometimes exactly the opposite). For example, if a user understands the name of the Pee Review page literally, he will probably be deceived. Although we actually do deal with your waste but only with the virtual one.

In addition to this, few people do dirty work nowadays and that is why everything you leave may not be sent back to you. 8 articles need to be reviewed. Here is the link.

Therefore Uncyclopedia is changing. The Village Dump (where "dump" means "a place to deposit garbage") is actually becoming such. A lot of topics are not even worse discussing and even if they are, they can easily be moved to someone's talk page.

A lot of Uncyclopedians want to laugh on every page possible and now they find it hard on our Forum. That is why they are protesting against boring and not useful issues such as Creative Commons or Content Warning. But those users (although very active) have refused to answer our reporters' questions because of their shyness. This is why this conclusion maybe different from theirs.

"We have two lives, - said Confucius, - and the second one starts when we realize that we only have one."

So if you are actually present here (which means that Uncyclopedia is your life (virtual one)), we can politely ask you to help us. Especially with some problems you may find boring. After this your second life might begin.

Well it has been the season of exams for most of us generally. Any contributions please be submitted below, thanks. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 18:32, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

The Rev awaits your submissions.

A certain user is scooping the competition by revealing here that a heretofore unknown group of users has been accumulating subversive UnDocuments containing UnToons, fresh off the Strip Generator. It is rumored that as many as 7 or 16 separate comics, with characters seen here before, are in this file.

Once a certain sum of comic strips are accumulated, this gruntled group intends to release some sort of public statement, proposing the reinsertion of UnToons into UnNews front page.

There is very little information on these people, other than they make some of us nervous.

Another rumor is that this group is looking for submissions of cartoons, to be brought to the attention of a certain Reverend Zim, who has been abducted and forced to work with the group. There may be something posted at the Village Dump, where sympathetic users may make contact. Until then, folks can contact Zim at his talk page.
Rev. Zim(Talk)Get saved! 18:00, June 13, 2013 (UTC)

Several witnesses confirmed that they have seen the return of Nemesis.

All the formerly missing admins suddenly begun returning one by one and different Uncyclopedians have lately admired the resurrection of our Justice (literally).

And although, the VFH page is becoming shorter and shorter to the great joy of our rivals (do we even have any?), the list of the Pee review requests has almost hit our record and a group of unvestigators have discovered that an average admin is now a way more active than all the normal users, there are still some good news (if you don't consider the very first one to be such).

For example, after a long period of Darkness several VFH entries have received more than 10 votes against. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 19:09, June 13, 2013 (UTC)