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Tina Fey Is My Spirit Animal

I love to write. That is the reason behind this blog of nonsensical musings. The end goal of the English degree, the blog and the making of contacts with magazines/publishers/etc is to somehow turn writing into a viable somewhat-sustaining career.

I say all that to say this…

When I grow up I want it be Tina Fey. That is my legitimate answer when people ask me that question, and yes people do still ask me that because I’m not growing up at the normal expected rate.

So I have loved everything that Tina Fey has done since back in her SNL days and of course the now girl-survival-classic Mean Girls WHICH SHE WROTE! I told someone how much I loved Tina Fey because of Mean Girls and this person (who shall remain nameless because they are dead to me) said- “why, she was barely in that”. Um, she made that! Go sit in the corner until you decide to do better. Because Tina, she is just fantastic!

She adapted it from a book and made it into a cult classic.

So I [probably] won’t do this obsessive fan girl type blogpost very much, but she’s fantastic and I’ve been reading her book. I usually don’t read books written by celebrities bc they tend to be indulgent and stereotypically sad, but this is my Tina and so I knew it would be awesome. And she did not disappoint.

The book is Bossypants.

Go buy it because it’s spectacular. If you don’t agree I will buy you dinner. Disclaimer: it will be off of the dollar menu and will be served to you by a surly tween wearing a paper hat.

Why is Tina Fey the best? Well that’s a ridiculous question and you should be ashamed of yourself for asking. But since it’s out there now I suppose I will explain.

She’s gorgeous. Really freakin gorgeous.

But even though she’s ridiculously beautiful she’s always making jokes about herself (i.e.- every word that ever came out of Liz Lemon’s mouth).

She’s hilarious, but in that great dry sense of humor way with her quick answers and generally unpredictable hilarity.

She’s a feminist but I don’t hate her. I am not a feminist at all but I love her quotes and views on women. (Clarification: I’m not a feminists bc I think a lot of them are too angry and militantly extreme, but I can get on board with her form of feminist empowerment rather than the normal she-woman man-hating variety)

She’s first and foremost a brilliant writer. Because even though she’s a great actress she’s more focused on writing quality. When I say I want to be just like her when I grow up, this is the aspect I am talking about. I have no desire to act or host the Emmys, I just want to write like my Tina. Super brilliant Tina.

So I’ve been reading her book, like I mentioned before my stalker-esqué list tangent. And this book is beautiful. Here are just a few of the highlights for those of you too hipster to read an actual book because your too busy reading Facebook advertised Huffington Post articles.

Quotes from the book that you need to read:

“You must not look in that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet, for today is about dreams and illusions, and unfiltered natural daylight is the enemy of dreams.”

“Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.”

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.”

***yeah, I put that one in there twice. That’s how much I liked it***

“You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f**k it.”

“This made no sense to me, probably because I speak English and have never had a head injury.”

“…nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.”

“Why can’t we accept the human form as it is?” screams no one. I don’t know why, but we never have. That’s why people wore corsets and neck stretchers and powdered wigs.”

“The Worldwide Parental Anxiety System is failing if this many of us have made sex tapes.”

“There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.”

Oh Tina Fey, you magnificent, charming starfish! Thank you for being so fantastic! Thank you for being famous for being smart and funny instead of leaking a sex tape. Thank you for writing a book that made me laugh out loud so hard at a coffee shop that somebody actually moved away from me.