Insomnia

Summary:
Edward never returned in New Moon. Bella is celebrating her 21st brithday & is finally ready to get on with her life. But then strange occurunces throught out the day, make her doubt her own sanity. Could Edward really be back?

Notes:
Ok so this story came to me over a period of Insomnia one night (hence the title). It started off as a oneshot, but then developed into so much more. I became so obsessed with the fic, in the next following weeks, that I even started to dream about it & infact chapter 10, is actually loosely based on a dream of mine. My first ever twilight fanfiction that I ever wrote, hope you like. =D

I could feel death certainly coming, there was just one thing I wanted to say, before I left him forever.

“I will always love you Edward.”

He kissed my slightly on the lips. Then looked deep fully into my eyes.

“I will always love you Bella.”

And with that I fell suddenly into my deep & eternal slumber…

The image blackened into darkness. I found myself opening my eyes, my vision blurred, though I instantly knew that my surroundings were unfamiliar. I leaped up in shock, feeling the sudden pain of the cords injected into my arms. I let out a shriek in agony.

The room was unmistakably that of a hospitals, I had been in one often enough to recognize one. The walls were the usual cream white, the bed was hard & metal with a very mattress, the bedding a thin blue sheet, what made it more obvious was the heart monitor & the bag of blood that hung from a tall pole next to me. The table in front of me was decorated with cards & flowers & even I noticed a un unopened box of expensive Belgian chocolates.

What had happened to me?

I cast my mind back to my dream, my wonderful yet still terrifying dream. Could that possibly have been real, could it? I was impossible to tell. I couldn’t have truly imagined that up, could I? There were some things too real, too familiar to be part of a dream, his glorious smell, his touch, his all too real voice, that kiss, the pain, the agony…But then again it wouldn’t be the 1st time I had let my imagine run away. And there was always the one thing holding me back, keeping me from thinking it was real, he had once promised me that he was never coming back & I had always believed that.

The tears began to run down my face. I hated how weak I was. I wanted nothing more than just a stupid dream, to be real. I really was a coward.

At that moment a small blonde woman walked in, dressed entirely in a blue nurses uniform. A tag a large white thing, that reminded me of something a waitress at a children’s party would wear, on her left breast read the name “Brooke”. She was smiling friendly at me, she was a stranger to me but I was obviously no stranger to her, but her eyes turned sympathetic as she saw the tears that now rolled down my face.

I wiped the tears hastily from my face, my skin felt dry & brittle, like a strangers. I noticed my hair hang limp & soggy against my tears. I could only fear the worse if I looked in a mirror.

“Not long.” I replied, my voice was deep, croaky, another unfamiliarity. I wondered how long I’d been here for. How long I’d been unconscious? The nurse answered my silent questions.

“Well that’s good, Doctor Morton will want to check ya out.” She stopped to survey a bouquet of Lily’s that took up the most space of the small table. Then she turned to look at me again, with that same sympathetic smile. “Ya know ya’ll lucky to alive honey.”

It was then that I really got the chance to observe myself. Cuts & bruises covered every inch of my arms & legs, my right arm was in plaster, I could feel the bandages now that covered my ribs & hips & the large thick one that covered the my temple & forehead & I could feel the irritating feeling of stitches on my stomach. I groaned, what a sight I must’ve seemed.

“Don’t be so worried honey. It aint as bad as it seems. Trust me, I’ve seen worse it here. You’re were very lucky it was just a couple of ribs, a little damage to ya hips & o’ course ya wrist & arm. Sure may seem like a lot but believe me that car coulda done a lot worse. Ya must have a guardian angel or summit honey.”

I think by her words she was trying to help, make the situation seem a lot worse, but it didn’t help at all really it just reminded me of the injuries that I would now how to live with. The only little help she gave me was that she had mentioned a car. It gave me the little hope that my dream could’ve possibly have been real. Little hope, that was, as I thought about it, it became quite apparent that I could have quite easily have got hit by a car anyway, it wasn’t like it was unusual.

She was still observing the many flowers I had received, occasionally reading one of the cards that came with them. She paused at one & smiled lovingly, then looked up at me her grin protruding even more. I wondered exactly what she had read.

“O’ Course you missy have had everyone worried. That Daddy o’ yours barely ever leaves this place, you’ve got him as anxious as anything. Good job ya Mom’s here to sort him out make sure he shaves & changes his pants an all.”

She laughs. I don’t. Maybe in another situation I would have found this funny, but I hated what I had drawn Charlie to. It sickened me.

“Oh & then there’s that boyfriend of yours.” She makes the word even more high pitched than her usual tone, which rings in my now sensitive ears, but even I have to admit I feel a jump in my stomach when I hear it. “Gosh I’m so jealous, he’s so dedicated to you, we have to force him out of here after visiting hours. Oh & that friend of yours, nutty as a fruit cake, surely is. Keeps giving Doctor Morton medical advice. He loves her though, a little too much if you ask me.” She nudges her eyebrows in innuendo. It makes me chuckle, if only a little. “But believe me when I say that’s only a tenth of the crowd. Gosh ya are a popular little lady.”

It takes me a moment to take everything’s she’s said in. My mind still lingered over one word in particular. Boyfriend. Surely she had meant Jacob. Most people considered him in that role anyways. But mind wondered to another person, though it didn’t seem possible. That dream had left me so confused. Then she had mentioned a friend, surely it had been Rayen, I mean all the evidence pointed to her, it was unusual for her to attract the opposite sex & the term ’nutty as a fruit cake’ seem at best a way to describe her hyper ways but the nurse had mentioned she had been trying to give the Doctor medical advice. Somehow that just didn’t seem like Rayen, the girl who thought cardiac arrest, was something to do with the police force.

Something didn’t add up. And I couldn’t quite tell what it was. Maybe it was the morphine taking affect.

“Yeah, I um guess so.” I replied, my voice was back to average now yet still shaky. “Um where are they exactly?”

I wanted so badly to answer the questions that now spun in my head & the answers lay with whoever was waiting for me to awaken.

“Well honey, like I said ya have a bit of a bunch, so they’re all dotted around the place. Now Doctor Morton wants to see ya, but I suppose ya could get a little bit of company first. Golly I knew I certainly would. Now who should I get first…”She paused. Her face lightened as if she’d just worked something out. “Nope, never mind, I think I know who.”

She showed me her dazzling unnatural white teeth in a wide childlike almost mischievous smile. I decided I liked Brooke, she may be interested in gossiping more than the actual nursing medical part of the job but In a way that served me better. Not once in our whole conversation, had she come close to me with a needle or a thermometer of any sort. And that smile of hers made me feel more good that I should’ve, wishing again on idle thoughts & imagination.

She wiggled her fingers at me & walked out of the room door.

I lay my head back on my pillow, recalling my wondrous dream, skipping the bad bits & replaying over again that moment in the alley. My heart paced at the very thought. Not in terror but in delight.

I was awoken from my day dream to hear a recognizable voice from outside the room. It was most definitely Jacob.

I knew I should have been happy, delighted in fact to hear his voice, to know that he had forgiven me for everything but his voice had left me feeling gloomy, almost depressed. It wasn’t voice I wanted to hear.

I listened intently on the conversation he was now having with a nurse, not Brooke, a different one, there was no comforting Texas twang to her accent, in fact it sounded dreary almost gloomy.

“How is she?” he demanded politely, he voice deep & confused, it sounded almost like he had been crying. My eyes watered with the idea.

“I am not to know. Her primary nurse is Miss Brooke Everdeen. If you have any concerns go to her or Dr Morton when he comes out of surgery. Now if you excuse me, I have patients to see to.” Her voice was stern, like that of a strict high school teacher I had, had back in Phoenix. I immediately disliked her. How dare she be so rude to Jake, he was only caring about my welfare & yet she had totally dismissed him.

“Please, Please.” He was begging now, it made me feel even more upset. “I need to know. You’ve got to understand I need to know.”

“Look Mr Black is it. I understand you’re worried but you have to know that you’re not the only one. The amount of people Miss Swan already has here in the hospital & I know I hear there’s more to come. I know just as much as you, I’m not lying. You will have to find out when the rest of us do.” She hesitated her voice now softened. “She’s a fighter though that one. I believe you have nothing to fear.”

Then was a short period of silence. I tried to imagine what Jacob, must be doing at that very moment, but my mind was blank. I still felt disappointed & shameful for feeling disappointed, hearing this conversation had made me even more confused.

“Look can I at least, go in to see her. Its been so long since I saw her face. Please you must understand that. Please. I feel like this is my fault.” Jacob said, his voice was now even more deeper. I couldn’t be sure but I swore I heard this cry a little.

“Oh well, yes I do understand & I feel for you I really do, but…” Her voice returned to the same school teacher harshness. “Dr Morton has specified that no visitors are allowed with his say so, as Miss Bella is in much need of rest. Any queries ask him.”

My hatred for the nurse returned, she had acted all sympathetic towards Jacob, making it almost seem that she was giving in & that she would let him see me, but then she had denied him that & that was worse that just being stubborn from the start. I felt like calling out to Jacob, telling him I was awake & that I wanted him there, but part of me deep down stopped me & as I opened my mouth, no noise came out.

“But…Look…Please…What if…”

But he stopped there. Something had distracted him. The tone of his voice had abruptly changed, it almost scared me. He was now angry, no he was more than angry he seemed furious & enraged at something that I wasn’t quite sure.

“Great, just great, perfect. I have to go. Thanks for nothing.” he snarled.

What had happened out there? Jake had suddenly turned from the caring sensitive boy that I had always known to the angry monster that I had seen in the restaurant, within seconds. It truly confused me.

What’s worse was that I was alone. Brooke had gone to fetch Jacob for me but that rude discourteous woman had stopped him. Who knew when I would next have human company. I had always been a loner but I wanted nothing more now than someone to talk to, someone to comfort me. I felt like a fragile little child again.

My dreams had even proved to have started to mix with my reality, I hardly knew the difference any more. I wondered that perhaps it wasn’t just medical help I needed. Could I possibly be going insane as well, having hallucinations. I couldn’t tell, I was so perplexed.

The worst of all was that the happiest feelings I had felt in a long time, were just part of a figment of my imagination, hearing Jacobs voice had confirmed that.

I heard a knock at the door. Brooke I presumed or maybe this Doctor Morton. It wouldn’t be Jacob, I had heard him walk away & although at the time I had been thwarted by his presence & not that of another, I wanted so see him so badly now. I remembered I still had a lot if apologising to do.

The knocker, waited a few seconds then knocked again, this time harder & louder, as to make sure I heard it.

I should have replied, that was the polite thing to do but the last thing I wanted were the strangers, the doctors telling me all my ailments.

The knocker opened the door, obviously this time not waiting for a reply, that I was never going to give.

I looked at who had just entered the room. My mouth gaped, in surprise.