Hi guys this is Cassandra Bankson (I have a youtube channel by the name of Diamondsandheels14) I decided to finally make an account here to express my feeling and current frustrations.

I have had acne since I was around 10 years old and developed cystic acne at the age of 14 and it has continued on ever since (now 21).

To be honest I have not been completely upfront with my subscribers about my emotions, I tend to put on a happy face for the camera but in reality I am in terrible emotional pain over my skin. I know my face has improved, but I STILL have cystic (or at least inflamed acne) after all these years and now it's really weighing me down emotionally. I have tried virtually everything to cure it/manage it (as those of you know who follow my channel) and at this point I feel as though it's not going away at all anytime soon.

I just feel beat... not sure what else to say. I can't be an inspiration anymore, I feel like I've lostmy will to fight against this.

Hey Cassandra, I'm really sorry to hear that you'e feeling so low right now. I'm a big fan of your YouTube channel and I love your videos, your bravery and positive attitude is something that has lifted me up when I was feeling down many times in the past. I definitely understand what you mean about just feeling beat...for a long time I'd fake confidence when around friends and in social situations but deep down I was hurting and felt like I couldn't really open up to anybody about it.

The best advice I can give you is stay strong and push forward and sooner or later you'll get through this dark period and start feeling better...I've found the moments when you're feeling really sad and upset about your acne can't last forever because little things in life like family, friends, etc will pull you back into a happier state of mind. It's just about enduring the bad times (trust me, I've been there) so that the good times can come round again.

I wish you the best and I hope you start feeling better soon, you're a beautiful person and even though you say you don't feel like an inspiration anymore...you have inspired many, many people on this site (myself included) and this is the perfect place to vent to people that will be able to understand exactly what you're going through.

All you can do is what you feel you are capable of. We can't all put on a brave face everyday, you're human and your feelings about your skin are valid, you're allowed to feel bad, or sad but just realize it's not all that it is to you, and don't let the overwhelming emotion keep you down for too long. It's always good to remember you're not alone.

"...But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see..."

I am a huge fan of yours, and I wanted to tell you that even though you say that you "can't be an inspiration anymore", you absolutely are an inspiration to me. I follow your public page on Facebook, and I love checking out your updates on my news feed. Cystic acne has been one of the most difficult (if not the most difficult) things I've dealt with in my life. I'm 28 years old, and I am still struggling with cysts and scarring.

Like you, I sometimes tuck my true feelings away and try to maintain a cheerful and bubbly exterior. I think I do this because I don't want others to worry about me, or judge me for being so upset over something like acne when so many out there are dealing with medical conditions that are much more severe. Nonetheless, acne is depressing. It's not pretty, and it hurts---physically and emotionally.

My pets, my closest friends and family members are what help get me through the rough times. If you have people in your life who stick by your side, who you can tell your troubles to without fear of judgment, who love you no matter what you look like, then you will make it through your current state of depression. I know that what you're going through right now is so hard, and I can't promise you that you won't feel this low over your acne again, but remember that life can be so beautiful and there are so many things to see and do.

Trust me, I have to give myself little pep talks like this at least twice a week. Though it doesn't seem like it sometimes because we are so concerned over the awful state of our acne, there is much more to life than what is on the surface of our skin.

Two things that have helped me in regard to depression, (and I hope they can help you): an exercise routine and helping those less fortunate than myself. I was once advised by a therapist I was seeing for depression (caused in part by, what else? Acne.) to incorporate an exercise routine in order to maintain the flow of endorphins within my body. Even though it doesn't clear my body of acne, exercising truly does help me keep my depression at bay most of the time. Working out is like nature's version of antidepressant medication with awesome side effects.

I had the privilege of working at a nonprofit clinic this semester, helping indigent and homeless patients, and those who cannot afford medical care. I never thought I would love doing something like that so much, and it helped me put things into perspective. I assisted people who literally slept under bridges, and yet my biggest concern in life is how to hide my acne scarring. Though I still continue to get upset to this day over my scars, it helps me to forget how much they bother me when I pour my heart and soul into taking care of people who have nothing.

My heart goes out to you, girl. You can make it. I am nowhere near as brave as you are. I could never put myself out there on YouTube like you do, and yet I have made it to 28 with scars on my face and dreams for the future. If I can do it, then so can you.

Hi Cassandra (not gonna lie, fan-girled a bit to see you here I only wish it was in better circumstances for you!)

I'm sure everyone can relate to that - Putting on a happy face in certain situations to hide, or even to help cope with, the impact of acne.

Acne really is emotionally draining! So many people who've never had acne don't understand that, and see it just as a 'skin issue' (or something only teenagers have to deal with) but it goes so much deeper than that. It is hard. And it's perfectly ok to feel tired of it all and down about it now and then. But I always try and keep things in perspective and to not let acne control my life so much, or stop me from doing the things in life that I want to do! I've let acne hold me back from many things before and I don't want that to keep happening.

For me, even though my skin has improved a lot in the last few months, I know my acne isn't going away completely anytime soon either. And it's still tough emotionally to deal with. It's something I have to try and accept as a part of me, but not something that defines me. It doesn't mean I have to like it - or that I stop trying to treat it or stop trying to get to 'clear' skin but accepting it, and myself, helps me to get on with my life a bit. I think that's a big thing - learning to love and accept yourself, and being more confident, despite acne.

It helps me also to focus on other things, apart from my skin / how it's doing. It's the only thing about this site that sometimes gets to me - being here is great, I love being able to connect with people who really understand what I'm going through and being able to learn from everyone here, but at the same time, I've never focused on or obsessed over my skin/acne as much as I have since joining the site. I still wouldn't leave the site because of that - but it's something I'm aware of to be careful about now.

Anyway-

Hang in there! You have been, and still are, an inspiration to SO many people, myself included. Every video you make where you do something like show your skin without makeup inspires me and I think it's really brave of you. I don't think I could do it. I can't leave my house for whatever reason without having put a bit of makeup on (and I'm not talented with makeup at all so it doesn't do much anyway ). So, thank you for being who you are and making the videos you do on youtube. I bet they've helped people more than you realise!

You're a gorgeous person, inside and out, and seem to have so much going for you in life. Take a moment to remember all the good things in your life when you start feeling down. You are so much more than you're skin or acne. We all are.

Keep at it - keep on keeping on. The tough times come and make us stronger in the long run I think.

Hi Cassandra (not gonna lie, fan-girled a bit to see you here I only wish it was in better circumstances for you!)

I'm sure everyone can relate to that - Putting on a happy face in certain situations to hide, or even to help cope with, the impact of acne.

Acne really is emotionally draining! So many people who've never had acne don't understand that, and see it just as a 'skin issue' (or something only teenagers have to deal with) but it goes so much deeper than that. It is hard. And it's perfectly ok to feel tired of it all and down about it now and then. But I always try and keep things in perspective and to not let acne control my life so much, or stop me from doing the things in life that I want to do! I've let acne hold me back from many things before and I don't want that to keep happening.

For me, even though my skin has improved a lot in the last few months, I know my acne isn't going away completely anytime soon either. And it's still tough emotionally to deal with. It's something I have to try and accept as a part of me, but not something that defines me. It doesn't mean I have to like it - or that I stop trying to treat it or stop trying to get to 'clear' skin but accepting it, and myself, helps me to get on with my life a bit. I think that's a big thing - learning to love and accept yourself, and being more confident, despite acne.

It helps me also to focus on other things, apart from my skin / how it's doing. It's the only thing about this site that sometimes gets to me - being here is great, I love being able to connect with people who really understand what I'm going through and being able to learn from everyone here, but at the same time, I've never focused on or obsessed over my skin/acne as much as I have since joining the site. I still wouldn't leave the site because of that - but it's something I'm aware of to be careful about now.

Anyway-

Hang in there! You have been, and still are, an inspiration to SO many people, myself included. Every video you make where you do something like show your skin without makeup inspires me and I think it's really brave of you. I don't think I could do it. I can't leave my house for whatever reason without having put a bit of makeup on (and I'm not talented with makeup at all so it doesn't do much anyway ). So, thank you for being who you are and making the videos you do on youtube. I bet they've helped people more than you realise!

You're a gorgeous person, inside and out, and seem to have so much going for you in life. Take a moment to remember all the good things in your life when you start feeling down. You are so much more than you're skin or acne. We all are.

Keep at it - keep on keeping on. The tough times come and make us stronger in the long run I think.

You're never alone in how you're feeling either.

You'll get through this!

You are right, Lilly! I honestly don't know what I would do without Acne.org. I never would have been able to connect with some of the people that I've become online-friends with if it weren't for this site. People who truly understand what it's like to deal with this condition, and who continue to be hopeful and encourage each other. It has meant a lot to me.

I also would have never tried cutting out gluten and dairy if it weren't for the 'Org, which really helped me with oil production (meaning fewer cysts) in my skin.

Hi guys this is Cassandra Bankson (I have a youtube channel by the name of Diamondsandheels14) I decided to finally make an account here to express my feeling and current frustrations.

I have had acne since I was around 10 years old and developed cystic acne at the age of 14 and it has continued on ever since (now 21).

To be honest I have not been completely upfront with my subscribers about my emotions, I tend to put on a happy face for the camera but in reality I am in terrible emotional pain over my skin. I know my face has improved, but I STILL have cystic (or at least inflamed acne) after all these years and now it's really weighing me down emotionally. I have tried virtually everything to cure it/manage it (as those of you know who follow my channel) and at this point I feel as though it's not going away at all anytime soon.

I just feel beat... not sure what else to say. I can't be an inspiration anymore, I feel like I've lostmy will to fight against this.

Hi Cassandra,

welcome to the acne forums

Like the others I know you from your YT channel. I have seen- and commented on your videos.

When I was your age I had acne all over my face, neck, chest and back. I'm almost 28 and I don't have it so severe anymore on my face and chest, but I still break out in my neck and on my back. A dermatologist once said to me that it is not that severe anymore on my back, but I am still breaking out.

I have once read that the skin is in puberty until the age of 25 and that the acne becomes somewhat less severe from there on. In my case it is true, but it doesn't mean that it entirely disappears. Maybe you should give it a little bit more time. Don't let the outside world push you to do things which you are not comfortable with. Don't go crazy in your head when for example everyone is in a relationship and you are not.

I have been bullied severely because of my skin. I was the loser of my grade and maybe the entire school. I had it the most severe.

Over the years things have gone a bit better for me. I have officialy mental issues due to the bad treatment I got from others, but at my age I have started to notice that people are actually perceiving it as a skin problem rather than something that makes you a loser in the eyes of others. The acne is a separate thing.

What I want to say is that we are our worst critics. It is a far bigger problem in your head than it is in reality. The truth is that you are a beautiful person with a skin issue and not a loser. You are not your skin and you are not your acne. You are a person with a skin condition, just like us. There are people without legs, there are blind people, there are people with acne, etc. It doesn't make you ugly. My current mentality is "It may not be possible to do something about the acne, but it is possible to do something about the emotions".

I know it is hard to think "it is just acne" especially at your age, but it is a bit like that and it is definitely not the end of the world.

I want to ask you a few, maybe intimate, questions: Are you scared about what people think of you? Have you ever been in a relationship? You don't have to answer my questions if you don't want to. I will never force you to do things.

Hi Cassandra, nice to meet you. I wish it could have been under happier circumstances though.

I just feel beat... not sure what else to say. I can't be an inspiration anymore, I feel like I've lostmy will to fight against this.

I've been there. I'm sort of there right now. Believe me when I tell you I know exactly what it's like.

I've found that it always gets better though. It sounds to me like you're exhausted from the fight. So am I. The fight is so much damn work. It's draining to worry about your skin continuously. No matter what, so part of your mind is always expending energy worrying about it.

I've found that it can help to take a few days to simply not worry about your skin in the slightest. Let it get as bad as it gets. Stop caring what people think. Stop caring if the opposite gender finds you attractive. Just assume they don't, but don't even let that be a problem for just a little while. Just completely let your skin go expect for the most basic morning/night routine and focus entirely on other things. Things you enjoy. Stop fighting it at all for a little while, so you can actually be completely and truly relaxed.

I feel a lot better during the times I can do this. I wish I could keep it up forever. Unfortunately, this state is usually eventually ruined when I'm in a good mood talking to some girl I find attractive, and the worry about my skin begins to creep back into my mind. Still, a few days to a week of this mindset does wonders once in a while.

Hi guys this is Cassandra Bankson (I have a youtube channel by the name of Diamondsandheels14) I decided to finally make an account here to express my feeling and current frustrations.

I have had acne since I was around 10 years old and developed cystic acne at the age of 14 and it has continued on ever since (now 21).

To be honest I have not been completely upfront with my subscribers about my emotions, I tend to put on a happy face for the camera but in reality I am in terrible emotional pain over my skin. I know my face has improved, but I STILL have cystic (or at least inflamed acne) after all these years and now it's really weighing me down emotionally. I have tried virtually everything to cure it/manage it (as those of you know who follow my channel) and at this point I feel as though it's not going away at all anytime soon.

I just feel beat... not sure what else to say. I can't be an inspiration anymore, I feel like I've lostmy will to fight against this.

You haven't "lost your will" to spend money. How's that new Mercedes of yours, running nicely?...

I'm Sorry but I have no sympathy for the crocodile tears of the extremely wealthy.

Big fan of your channel here. You're a very beautiful lady even without the makeup (though you're very talented at it!). I can understand your frustrations completely. It can be very difficult to put on a brave face when in reality your mind is always ticking over, thinking about what could be and what is.

There's a good metaphor in Fruits Basket the anime that sums up my thoughts on why people can't see their own good characteristics - 'Everybody is a rice ball. They can't see the plum on their own back, so they go around all day thinking they don't have one, admiring the plums of others, even though their own is so very beautiful'.

I remember watching your story and frankly I was, and still am, floored by your bravery to just put it all out there. At the end of the day, you are just a person who has emotions and moments where you cannot be strong all the time. Living with a visible difference (acne/scars) is a constant struggle because it's not like other struggles where you go through moments of high stress and then have moments of calm. It's visible for the the whole world to see at all times, and sometimes you just get beat down by how awful people can be. Just trying to live your life and trying to be respectful and compassionate is hard when total strangers feel free to comment and chip away at your dignity.

Been feeling exhausted myself lately... but I'm not throwing in the towel yet.