"When people are fairly young and the musical composition of their lives is still in its opening bars, they can go about writing it together and exchanging motifs...but if they meet when they are older...their musical compositions are more or less complete, and every motif, every object, every word means something different to each of them." -Milan Kundera

"Now I do as I please and lie through my teethSomeone might get hurt, but it won't be meI should probably feel cheap but I just feel free...And a little bit emptyNo, it isn't so hard to get close to meThere will be no argumentsWe will always agreeAnd I'll try and be kind when I ask you to leaveWe'll both take it easy..."

24 July 2012

I must've seemed to you a shipwreckI looked at you, I saw an islandSo I was swept ashore, to lie forevermoreOr at least for the evening

So we went to your apartmentWe shared a drink out in the gardenYou thought I must've pulled this kind of shitWith any willing foolI shrugged and asked if that's a problemSo we loved if for an instant and for an instant I forgotWho I wasSo for the night, I was all yoursSo I'm sure it was fleeting, and I'm sure I've been misleadedWe were just two people in need, it doesn't have to beSome fucked up tragedy

I hope I didn't seem to vulgarWhen I asked to come overIt's just these last few weeksWell, they've been hard on meI got burned and I can't seem to recoverAnd so we loved or so it seemedAnd as I slept, I dreamt of Romeo and JulietBut Romeo was just playing deadI'm sure it was just a dreamAnd I'm sure it holds no meaningBut on this sober, hungover morningWhy does it always got to be such a fucked up tragedy?

I tried to tell you but I couldn'tI wanted to warn you but I need you so badI mean right now, you're all I have

15 July 2012

"This is how it works,
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath..."

12 July 2012

The long haul upwards begins today; however, on my way home from my meetings today...I played this one over and over again. I'm still working out the characters in my life...the mystery tramp without alibis and vacuous eyes, the diplomat with his Siamese cat who took all he could steal, and Napoleon in rags with his language that I can't refuse...but let's say this, I visited a pawn shop in the last couple of weeks. Yeah, resonance, loads of resonance.

10 July 2012

Apparently
since my self-imposed FacialWorld restriction, I feel the need to write far
more blog posts. I don’t know if this is good or bad yet, but rather, I do know
I’m spending far more time in my head than thinking in terms of FacialWorld
posts. Yes, my addiction runs deep. “…is listening to Fiona Apple and drinking
red wine.” Yes, I previously thought like this all the time. Every moment of
the day.

Yes,
I’ve been having a particularly rough time as of late. We’ve got a Flaming Lips
“too heavy for Superman” situation lately. When I recently recounted the
details of the last couple of months via email to my friend Ashley (currently
residing in Wales), she basically reiterated to me that in the last couple of
months, I’ve experienced an intense amount of trauma. Yup, it is true. I’ve
dealt with some issues with close friends, who have been struggling intensely…and
subsequently, the loss of them while they work out these issues. I’ve found
myself in a long-distance relationship. I’ve lost my grandmother. I’ve watched
some of my best friends struggle with the heaviness of loss, relationships, and
generally, the malaise that comes with finding your way through day-to-day
life. I allowed some toxic people back into my life, even if only for a short
period of time. I’ve allowed some of my relationships to become toxic. And when
the universe felt like it hadn’t really dealt me a full hand, I’ve recently
been trying to sort things out in my head about said long distance
relationship, particularly after some distressing situations in the last couple
of weeks.

So,
fuck yes, it’s been a complicated summer. I usually embrace summer. But this
summer, well, I’ve got a couple of words for it: pal carajo. It’s been difficult
and as per usual, I haven’t been dealing with all the loss in a positive way. The
haze of my grandmother’s death continues to hang over me, day to day, like a
deep fog. But, every day, I wake up hoping the next day will be better. That
one morning, I’ll wake up and feel like working again and embracing the summer.
That one day, I’ll get my groove back and all will be well. I’m making the
proper moves to push this into full throttle, which I won’t get into. However,
I did find myself laughing and dancing for the first time in a few weeks today.

See,
today, I finally ventured out of the house for the first time in four days.
Yes, I haven’t actually left the house, outside of walking up to the closest
store, in four days. I haven’t spoken more than four words to someone in person and out loud in over four days. But today, I forgot to cancel my hair appointment (which I
had wanted to do, because well, simply talking to people felt exhausting)…and
so, instead of calling the last minute to cancel, I made myself get up and out.
I’m not generally the kind of gal who feels better once visiting the salon…but
I found that talking to my most wonderful stylist, Andrea; I started feeling a
little better. Andrea and I have had a relationship for four years now. (Holy
shit, I’m starting to get freaked out about the reiteration of the number
four.) This means that Andrea and I have known each other for longer than most
of the people I know in Nashville. So, despite the fact that we have a
relationship based on her making my hair look fantastic, I consider her a good
friend. We always talk constantly while she is working. And, I think, just
simply talking to her…it felt comforting. It felt relieving to speak the words
out loud to someone about what I’ve been going through lately and to simply hear
someone say to me, “Katherine, you have been going through a lot of shit
lately.”

But
that wasn’t all. After my appointment, I met my best friend Art for some mediocre
Mexican food downtown. Given my withdrawal from the world, Art and I haven’t
seen each other in about a week and a half. Yes, this is a long time for the
two of us. While our conversation was heavy at times, by the time we drifted
over to the British pub, I found myself laughing and dancing while we played
some of our favorite tunes on the jukebox. Suddenly, everything felt a little
lighter. Hearing my words reflected in the conversation with one of my best
friends was exactly what I needed. While I waited for the bus to get home and
listened to The National, I realized how incredible my friends are…how they
know just what to say to improve my mood. In other news, we’ve decided to make
a reality show based on our adventures in Nashville—just me and Art. He has
likened it to that Jersey Shore show, where he’ll be Snooki (is that how it is
spelled?) and I’ll be The Situation; however, I think this is simply a cheap
ploy to get me to watch the show. But I’ll be strong. I won’t do it. I swear I
won’t. Never. So, keep watching kids. Soon, you might see a video of a bird
eating a tortilla chip. I promise, it was riveting. Here’s a picture to keep
you anticipating our first official video.

Perhaps
more related to the blog, there has been one album that I’ve been obsessed with
lately. Fiona Apple’s latest album. I was never a big fan of her back in the
day. For some reason when I was younger, it just didn’t resonate. But, I
listened to the new album and now I’ve found myself exploring all her older
work too. Given that I’m not on FacialWorld, few people know that I’ve recently
become obsessed with the Apple, which made what happened next incredibly serendipitous.
I had the wonderful fortune of receiving a free invitation to see the Apple at
the Ryman this Friday by my good friend Erin. It was perfectly timed. And I can’t
thank Erin enough for the invitation. Hopefully, while I silently weep to each
song, she won’t regret the invitation. I can’t wait to share the experience
with one of the kindest person I know.

This
blog post feels scattered, but so does my mind right now. I’m working it out. I’m
trying to find my way back to productivity. I’m trying to find my way back to
feeling stable with everything that has happened recently. But I discovered
tonight that with the comfort of my good friends, I’ll find my way back.
Slowly, oh so slowly, I’ll find my way back to things that are really important
to me. And for that, I’m eternally grateful.

09 July 2012

When I finally ventured outside today, I had a "Vanilla Sky" moment. You know, when the world feels slightly off. Different. Quiet. Moving in slow motion. While walking, I decided I needed a theme song. A song that would encapsulate everything that is going on in my life at this moment. Often, I like to do this by putting my iPod on shuffle, which I call "iTunes Roulette" or what previously was known as the "radio game." I put a lot of stock in random occurrences. So, I thought, the first song that plays, that will be my theme song. And I'll be damned it it wasn't this one...How perfect.

While I listened and wiped the tears from my eyes, I heard these lines from Vanilla Sky in my head.

David: "Do you remember what you told me once? That every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."

Sofia: "I'll find you again."

David: "I'll see you in another life...when we are both cats."

Methinks this means I should watch Vanilla Sky tonight...and hope that tomorrow is a better day than the past 190 days.

07 July 2012

Since I'm not on FacialWorld these days, there is so much I'd like to say, but I'm going to be reserved, since the whole world seems to be falling apart and "The Doctor" is missing....instead, we've got this to remind us of what it feels like...

About The Project

Music is Memory is a project that seeks to understand connections between music and memory. Primarily, I am interested in collecting the memories (and emotions) that we, as individuals, have attached to particular songs. I "collect" memories of hearing a song for the first time, but also how these memories change and meld over time.