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02/11/2012

I admit that I am horrible at product reviews most of the time. I wish I could guarantee a 6 week turn-around, but that would just be setting me up for failure. This book review has been a long time coming.

"Free Love--True Stories of Love and Lust on the Internet" by local author Thomas Kelleher is a very fun, quick, and interesting read. Although many of the people talk about using other dating/sex forums besides CL, it seems to be the main source of peoples stories. One part of me, however, is jealous that he put this information into a book because I have sooooo much experience with Craigslist (CL).

I'm jealous because I pioneered online outreach to the young LGBT community in San Francisco in 2002. I presented all over the country about how engaging in risky sexual encounters was responsible, in part, for a growing number of HIV and STI cases. I also did what is now called "online outreach" where an educator takes to the internet to provide accurate information on sex as well as local HIV/STI testing sites. It seriously never occurred to me that it was a potential book idea.

But enough about me.

What I really like about this book is the way it is formatted. Just like in CL, the chapters are designated into men for men, men for women, women for men, women for women, missed encounters, and casual encounters. The left side of the page shows the original ad or posting the person was using in order to find someone, and the right side (and, in some cases, pages) tells the anecdotal story of what happened in response to that particular posting.

It's entertaining, compelling and voyeuristic. As someone who majored in sociology, this book is treasure trove of data on what it's like to have relationships, date, and have sex in the internet era.

Because I have so much personal experience with CL, many of the original ads were a tad too familiar. Some of the anecdotal stories were also a bit commonplace, but I found them to be really interesting and kept me entertained.

The people in the book basically fall into a few different categories: people who were placing ads as a joke or a bet (in other words for shits & giggles), people who were looking for long term relationships, and people who were looking for sex. Lots and lots of sex.

I found it intriguing that a number of people never admitted or wanted it to "get out" that they used online forums like CL to find a partner. In all fairness though, it seemed to me that the people who were embarrassed about using the internet to find dates were in an older demographic and fondly re-called the good old days of having to place personal ads in the paper.

More than a few people found real love online and are either engaged or married. A few posters met potential dates whose mental health was questionable to say the least. There were also a few red flags going off in my head when I read certain anecdotal stories. I'm not a therapist or mental health worker, but it seems like a few of the people who placed the ads could benefit from a couple therapy sessions.

People have long loved the internet because of the feeling of anonymity. Yes they do! Engaging in cyber sex, sexy phone calls, steamy texts, and naked picture exchanges can be really intoxicating. It can also be a fabulous way to safely explore the depths of your personal sexual fantasies.

Talking about sex or what you want to do with someone online gives you much more courage than if you were standing next to that person. The internet can give you the confidence and assurance to vocalize thoughts that you might never say if you were in a traditional dating setting. Incidentally, I also think that online dating is a great way to negotiate what you are looking for, what you are willing to do sexually, and it is one of the easiest ways to broach the topic of sexual health. You can weed through people quickly to suit what you are looking for (especially if you ask the right questions), and it can also make the whole idea of rejection less personal.

People also lie. A lot. The internet just makes it a hell of a lot easier to get away with lies for a longer amount of time. My personal experience is that, in general, women are always 20 pounds heavier and older than they report. Men, on the other hand, are always shorter, make less money, have less hair, and weigh more than they report.

People love sending the most flattering pictures of themselves, even if that picture is 2, 5, 10 or more years old. Not everyone does this, but many stories in the book "Free Love" talk about how a person was over 100 pounds more than what they stated or was bald or balding when they stated they had hair.

On the internet, people love to pretend they aren't married or attached. Like I said before, the internet is intoxicating that way. Several stories address the horror of finding out the hard and unpleasant way that people who claim to be single are married or otherwise coupled.

Of course, like any good gay, my personal favorite stories came from the men seeking men category. I always find it particularly interesting when a man claims he is "St8" (for those of you who don't know this term, it means straight) but wants to find a jack off buddy, someone who will suck him off, or someone who will let him top (after all, some people don't believe they are engaging in homosexual activity if they are not the person being penetrated).

Internet dating has forever changed the way in which people meet, date, and have sex. The book "Free Love" gives you a raw and voyeuristic view into what internet dating and "hooking up" is all about. The bottom line is that no one wants to be rejected, are longing for a connection (even if it is purely sexual), and maybe, just maybe, fall in love.

12/17/2011

If you are a follower of my blog (thank you!) then you are aware that I'm married to a certified nerd, and I mean that in a loving way.

But what makes him a nerd? This is what comes to my mind although the list is not inclusive

He was in mostly AP classes in high school

He went to a super nerdy college, Harvey Mudd (if you have ever seen the movie "Real Genius" it was kinda like that...If you haven't seen the movie, shame on you..it rocks!)....this clip is from the movie & totally sums up campus life on Mudd

He has his PhD in Electrical Engineering

He loves video games

If need be, he can make his own tools that are functional

Whenever he comes across a flaw in something electrical we own he almost always says "bad design"

It can take him months researching a product online before he makes a purchase...this can range from a wrist watch to a car

He is someone who many people tend to defer, acknowledge, or concede is the smartest in the room

So why in the hell is he married to me?

Yeah, over the past 20 years I have asked myself that exact question. A lot.

Seriously, if I had known how smart he is, I would have most likely passed on pursuing him in college. In case you didn't catch that, I pursued him! I just thought he was a reasonably smart (because of going to Harvey Mudd) and absolutely good looking. I'm someone who has always had good self esteem and am pretty dang confident. Even so, once I knew (and heard!) how smart he was, I spent a fair bit of time wondering if I could keep his interest beyond having sex.

What I have come to understand is that he is one of the happiest married people I know, and believe me when I say that it is not all due to me being a sex educator. In fact, we are a extremely confusing couple to many, but that is a whole other blog post. There is something about attending Harvey Mudd College that makes people particularly good at marriage.

Don't believe me? Here is a excerpt from a fairly recent US News and World Report on "The 10 Best Colleges to Find a Husband". Harvey Mudd came in at number 6, which is funny because it is the exact same number I came in as the Top 100 sex bloggers!

Here is what the report had to say about Harvery Mudd

#6 Harvey Mudd (Claremont, California)

Harvey Mudd is another top liberal arts school located in sunny California. In addition to the outdoor lifestyle and SoCal climate,Harvey Mudd made the college hubby cheat sheet thanks to its successful grads earning an average of $121,000 mid-career (most find success in the fields of science, engineering or math). Many exams are of the take-home variety and are overseen by an honor code—so maybe HM breeds more honest, reliable guys? Now there’s a theory worth analyzing.

Oh yeah, about that honor code thing--my husband was the student chair when we began dating.

I recently had lunch with a friend who I met while I was dating my husband in college. She and her boyfriend were also "Mudders" who began dating around the same time me and my hubby did. In addition to that, both of our now husbands have the same first name and actually lived together as suite mates. She is now living in the same area as me and still happily married. I love being able to hang out with her because I feel like less of a freak for having settled down at such an early age. I'm also happy to hear that at least 2 other "Mudder" couples from our time got and remain married.

I personally feel that nerds are happiest when they are partnered. There isn't a lot of game playing going on, posturing, and/or they never seem like they are on the lookout for something or someone better. Yes, this is a total generalization, but it is also my experience. Simply put, nerds take delight in knowing they won't have to be out in the dating field again.

Back when I first started this blog, I did an article about why nerds make good life partners. You can check it out here (it has a lot of the same content found here).

I wholeheartedly believe that nerds (and specifically those who attended Harvery Mudd College) are particularly well suited for marriage, and here are a few reasons:

Nerds & Geeks are usually loyal and aren't afraid of monogamy! People who are often referred to as nerds and geeks are overwhelmingly introverted and you will not often catch them hanging out at nightclubs and bars. They might be a little socially awkward, but that just means that you will be the center of their attention when out and about. As an added bonus, geeks and nerds are also known to be both sensitive and sincere individuals.

Nerds & Geeks appreciate you! This may not always translate into super romantic behavior, but you feel how grateful they are to be happily paired up.

Nerds & Geeks often have had fewer sex partners which means they are less likely to have picked up a STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) by engaging in casual sex. Sexuality can be a difficult topic of discussion for nerds & geeks. They might feel insecure that they will not be able to sexually satisfy you, that their body doesn't look how they would like it to look, etc., but here is the secret.....most nerds & geeks are very willing to experiment sexually when they are in a loving and trusting relationship.

Nerds & Geeks are often hugely smart and intelligent! You know how they say "beauty fades, but stupid is forever?" Well, this is something you never have to worry about when your partner is super smart. On a side note, nerds & geeks are also known for being passionate about something. And as we know, passion = sexy!

12/02/2011

Jennifer Love Hewitt (JLH) and John Mayer (JM) are two freaking hot messes that are in desperate need a dating intervention. These two knuckleheads are famous (some might argue more than they should be) for their constant inclusion in celebrity gossip. And since I am guilty of loving my gossip mags, I feel compelled to throw my two cents in over what assumptions I have made from the media. Sounds super scientific, right?

These two unlucky in love losers briefly dated in 2002. Rumor has it that JLH sent some fancy bouquet of balloons and candy to one of JM's recording sessions. Apparently it worked. Personally, it kinda sounds to me like a gesture that is better suited for a 6 year old birthday party and not someone you want to bang.

JM had recently ended a very brief affair with songstress Vanessa Carlton. It isn't surprising that JM and Vanessa did not last. After all, this was a time when each of them just launched their first major label cds. Rumor had it that their relationship was doomed in part due to a little game of "who is doing better in the charts" rivalry.

In 2002, pictures began circulating around the gossip circuit with JLH and JM together. This lead a ton of people to incorrectly claim or hint that the song "Your Body is a Wonderland" was about JLH. Just so we are clear, he wrote that song years before he even met JLH as it was included in his first non-major label release in 1999. At the very most, he was wanking it to her image from tv shows or the movies.

Ok, so I have an enormous amount of JM information! I admit it! I used to be a huge fan of his back around 2001, used to send him porn while he was touring (the ingrate never thanked me, but I did become known as 'porn chick'), and met him a few times. Even back before he hit it big, he had a reputation of sleeping with his fans.

Since the time JLH and JM dated, she has been engaged at least twice (if not more, I lost count), and he has remained the bad boy bachelor. Part of the reason I have such a strong dislike of JLH is that she appears to be a love addict. Everything I have heard or seen written about her makes her out to seem completely desperate, insecure, and clingy. At least it seems that way to me.

I also really don't like that she is one of the main reasons the word "vajazzle" exists. As a sex educator, I know that vaginas are an internal structure only. Maybe I could go at her with a hot glue gun, a speculum, and some swarvoski crystals for her to get that what she is talking about is mons jazzling.

JHL needs a dating intervention at best or some serious therapy around being a love addict at worst. The fact that she is 32 and has had a few broken engagements isn't really that big of a deal. The reasons behind her broken engagements, however, is a red flag.

On one hand she is probably smart to have never gotten married because it is highly likely she would be divorced by now. She is probably glad to have dodged the epic Kim Kardashian marriage fail bullet. But it does make me, as a dating coach, wonder why she chooses men who she is clearly incompatible with.

I think her bottom line is that she is in love with love, and moves full steam ahead when she finds someone new to date. The problem with this game plan is that people are usually on their best behavior during the courtship period and aren't always being completely sincere and authentic. For example, someone you are newly dating is most likely gaga over you, wants to spend a lot of time together, and is probably pretty generous with compliments. What was once "Wow, I love the way you treat and take care of me" can quickly become "Why don't you compliment me anymore, why are you so busy, and who else are you hanging out with". I'm not saying that her clingyness and insecurities are the reason for her failed engagements. Ok, well maybe I am. The bottom line is that JLH needs to be be secure, confident, and really like herself before anyone else can truly love her.

My dating coach suggestion is that she spend a lot more time on herself and a little less time chasing love.

Now JM is a whole other ball game. He is a narcissist with boat loads of money, an allegedly big dick, and has the ability to literally charm the pants off of you. He is also someone who brags about his conquests in excruciating detail, making many of his past lovers cringe. Incidentally, he was rumored to be gay or enjoy a little man on man action years ago, but I think that rumor has mostly gone away.

Let's face it, JM is a douche bag. Even HE admits that he sounds like a monster douche after reading things about him. I hear he has a google alert for his name, too. The google alert doesn't appear to be working as he is still mostly thought of as a cad.

My dating coach prognosis for him is not great. There is little you can do for someone who is narcissistic. However, I do know that he needs to stop dating other celebrities! Vanessa Carlton, JLH, Jessica Simpson, Heidi Klum, and Jennifer Aniston have all been romantically tied to him. What he really needs is a good kick in the ass. He needs to stop seeing the women he dates as trophies and inanimate objects and nut up. He is a 34 year old man who still acts like he is 14. Maybe he suffers from arrested development because he began non stop touring when he was young and it consequently made it difficult to form real relationships.

It's funny and pretty rare that I can become so annoyed by others that they prompt me to write a freaking long blog post. Maybe it's me who really needs an intervention?

10/25/2011

I like to say that going through the process of date coaching is no picnic.

Date coaching is not for everyone. However, successfully completing date coaching sessions can set you up for a much easier dating life.

If you are coming to me for dating assistance, then one of the first hurdles we need to face is the fact that what you are doing is not working. Perhaps you techniques had worked in the past, but we need to figure out what is going on before any meaningful change can occur.

After years of completing intake assessments for everyone from hard-core violent convicted felons and petty criminals to HIV positive youth, I am pretty freaking spot on at evaluating someone I have just met. I may ask a lot of leading questions, but one of the most important tools I utilize is quite simple. I listen to what the person in front of me is saying. I also like to assess a person's body language and general appearance.

How people consciously or unconsciously present themselves to others has always been endlessly fascinating to me. It is one of the reasons I love people watching.

I offer a free 20 minute phone consultation to prospective coaching clients for a variety of reasons. I need to know if this person is coachable, if they are ready to really go through the coaching process, if they have realistic goals, etc. I admit that phone consultations aren't always ideal, but you might be surprised to hear that a ton of information can be gathered within that 20 minute time frame.

Without having ever met a person, I can usually pick up what their dating issues are. For instance, some people open the floodgates from the time you say hello, some people have goals that are near impossible to quantify, while others aren't completely sold on the idea of coaching.

When it comes to being a dating coach, I let my potential clients know that they will be expected to spend a minimum of 5 hours per week (of their own time) actively working my plan. I know there are some dating coaches who make clients commit to spending a minimum of 15 hours a week.

If someone decides to become a date coaching client I utilize the initial meeting to assess them and their challenges and figuring out what type of game plan will help them realize their dating goals.

Here's the deal. As your dating coach, I want you to succeed! It isn't with sadness that I let my clients go by ending coaching sessions. I am genuinely happy that they now have the tools to go out and get the relationship they desire.

If you are someone who is considering hiring a dating coach, here are some useful tips to help you out.

DO:

Be open and honest about what your current dating needs are

Have some sort of goal or set of goals that you would like to achieve

Know your top 3 or 5 non-negotiables when it comes to who you want to date

Expect that coaching is going to move you out of your comfort zone by working on specific challenges meant to help you achieve your goal

Know that you have to personally commit to changing aspects of your life if you wish to be successful

Trust your coach, their professional opinion, and game plan

DO NOT:

Expect that change will happen overnight and with little effort

Don't quiz your coach on what their qualifications are

Send lots of emails and expect quick and complete answers (most coaches charge by the hour and this includes time spent providing email and phone support)

Don't argue, refute, or flat out disagree with your assessment and plan of action

Becoming a coaching client sometimes requires a leap of faith. Sometimes it can be crystal clear to others what exactly is keeping you from becoming a successful dater. You need to be open to processing honest feedback even if it is a blow to your ego. You also need to trust in the process. Know that you will be required to complete certain assignments because they are designed to help you reach your goals.

10/16/2011

There are a ton of dating sites out there besides J Date, Match.com, eHarmony.com, and Zoosk.com. There are also a slew of bloggers giving dating and relationship advice. Sometimes the problems with relationship bloggers is that you basically have no idea who they are, where they came from, or what makes them qualified to even give advice.

I remember one of the most ridiculous blogs (in my humble opinion) was written by 2 youngish guys and called "SimonandCole". What made it so ridiculous? For starters their whole slogan was "2 brutally honest guys talking about dating and sex". But get this, their names weren't even Simon and Cole! Seriously?! How can you claim to be "brutally honest" when you use a pen-name. I'm guessing the whole blogging thing didn't really work out for them because it doesn't appear that the blog is active anymore. It's probably for the best as their blog logo never sat right with me. Picture this: A drawing of 2 men (I'm guessing they're supposed to be Simon and Cole) but only the side view. One man had a woman bending over (remember this is a drawing and a profile view) as if he were banging her from behind. The other had a woman on her knees as if she were about to fellate him.

I've recently been introduced to some truly awful dating sites: WhatsYourPrice.com and SeekingArrangement.com. Seriously, I can't even make this shit up. They are both the unfortunate brain children of a man named Brandon Wade. His bio was taken from one of the sites:

Brandon Wade is founder and CEO of the websites SeekingArrangement.com and SeekingMillionaire.com. As an entrepreneur, he started numerous internet and mobile companies, as well as retail and tour businesses. Prior to these endeavors, he served as a management consultant with Booz Allen, and held executive roles at several Fortune 500 companies, including General Electric and Microsoft. Originally from Singapore, Brandon moved to the United States to study at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where he graduated with both a BS and an MBA degree. Since then, he has lived in Boston, New York, Seattle, New Orleans, San Francisco and most recently Las Vegas. He's also the author of the book: Seeking Arrangement: The Definitive Guide to Sugar Daddy and Mutually Beneficial Relationships

As a woman and a human being, I find the whole idea behind WhatsYourPrice.com offensive and here is why:

For those who are beautiful and attractive, going out with someone on a first date no longer has to be a waste of time. In fact, on WhatsYourPrice.com its an opportunity! You'll get compensated for the time you spend meeting someone new, and you'll have the chance to improve the odds of finding that perfect relationship by meeting generous people you normally wouldn't meet. Best of all, attractive users can use the website 100% free.

I'm not usually someone who is ever at a loss for words, but this website is just so completely wrong.

His other dating site, SeekingArrangement.com is designed specifically for people who fall into 3 categories: Sugar Daddy, Sugar Mommy, and Sugar Baby. I'm guessing they attempt to legitimize the website by writing

Anthropologist will tell you that these tendencies are ingrained in our genes. It is only human instinct to be attracted to beauty, as it is to be attracted to wealth and power.

and

At Seeking Arrangement, we know that life is short and that you only live once… so if you possess either beauty or generosity, why not explore what it may be like to find an ideal arrangement today.

Don't get me wrong, I am definitely someone who enjoys the finer things in life and makes no excuses for it. Remember that I've been known to say "I'm a pretty girl and I like pretty things!" In fact I've branded parts of my business to attract those people who have disposable income. For instance, I am often referred to a luxury or couture sex toy concierge. This means I will gather information on what you are specifically looking for in a sex toy. I will either go shopping with you to a sex toy boutique or give you my specific toy recommendations so you can purchase the sex toys online.

Even though I enjoy a certain lifestyle, the fact remains that I find WhatsYoutPrice.com and SeekingArrangement.com completely tacky and in poor taste.

There are times when I feel like the world is going bat shit crazy. These particular dating sites only support my belief.

09/14/2011

It seems like you can't sign up for an online service without a prompt asking you to upload a profile photo.

Personally, I think that most people don't understand the importance behind having a few good pictures. As someone who has been told repeatedly that I don't photograph well, I get your anxiety over posting pictures of your mug for all to see. Sometimes people make it easier on themselves and post the same picture on a social media platforms. A nice side effect of doing this is that that you can quickly become personally branded.

I'm someone who gets paid lots of money to give people advice on writing online dating profiles. I also coordinate a self improvement meetup called "Flirting, Dating, and Sex, Oh My!". This is a closed group for many reasons. Probably the most important reason for making my meetup closed is because I get to approve each and every person before they become a member. It doesn't happen often, but I do occasionally get cock shots and naked or near naked full body shots where the person is headless. I happen to have a huge tolerance for opening a profile or email and being greeted by a unannounced cock shot, but I'm guessing that most of the people in my group do not.

But I digress.

Think of your profile photo as the single most important feature when you are dating online. People mill over profile photos in much the same way those people who are house hunting look at house photos. If a person doesn't like the exterior of a house (no matter how fabulous the interior is), they will likely move on. Quickly. It is essential that your profile pictures be pleasant to look at. You really don't want people looking at you and thinking "what the heck is going on with this person?", or "how nice! You post a picture of your dog on an online dating site, that is super helpful!".

Bad profile photos are all around you. A bad profile picture usually includes one or more of the following:

A shot that was taken so far away that you can barely discern what it is you are looking at

A picture of you standing smugly next to your fabulous and expensive car

A picture where you think you look cool and tough, but end up looking douchey

A picture of your dog or cat instead of you

No picture at all (seriously, I can't make up this stuff!)

A picture of you in your Comic Con outfit

A picture that focuses on one specific asset. For women it is usually their breasts, and for men it is usually their chest or arms

A picture where you are wearing sunglasses

Any picture where you are in a group. The focus should be on you, and not your hotter friend(s)

A picture of you and your underage child

A picture of you where you look like it could be a mug shot

A picture that only shows your eyes or profile

I also wrote a blog post about bad dating pictures that you can read here.

Enjoy my gallery of bad online profile pictures

This would not be a good profile picture for me to put on a dating site.Also, my husband probably wouldn't appreciate it.

You need not get a professional head shot for online dating. However, many people have them for their business, so it is common to see them thrown up onto dating sites. What is good about head shots is that they are clear, only include you, and *fingers crossed* you look pleasant, happy, and inviting.

Enjoy my gallery of good online dating profile pictures

These would probably be good choices for dating profile pictures if I were to join an online dating site.

The bottom line is that profile photos can make or break you when it comes to online dating. Dating ain't pretty. The amount of scrutiny we put on ourselves and others is kind of ridiculous. However, thems the rules.

Having a great dating profile picture is just the tip of the iceberg. We haven't even gotten into how to craft an amazing online profile!

On our preview call last month, Catherine said, "We're too goal oriented in this society, 100% too goal-oriented. We're not pleasure-focused enough. And we forget that the journey is sometimes better than the destination."

This week, you'll receive tangible tips & tools on from Catherine on:

Masturbation

Body image & genital shame

Oral techniques

Toys

Flirting

We anticipate taking questions only through the conference call dashboard. Go here for more information on the teleseries and how to sign up.

Full disclosure: As a sex educator, possibly nothing in the world makes me more uncomfortable than talking about religion and politics when it comes to sex and sexuality. However this program sounds incredibly intriguing so I've decided to put on my big girl panties and dive in. Even if you are someone who is not practicing a religion (how I identify, fyi) you may find this program to be insightful, entertaining, and educational.

The program kicks off with a free preview teleseminar on Thursday, June 30, 2011 at 5:30pm PDT. My specific teleseminar will teach you how to integrate "Extraordinary Techniques" into your intimate relationships and is scheduled for Thursday, July 28, 2011 at 5:30pm PDT.

I will provide you with more specific details as they become available to me. However, it looks like registration is required and the entire month of teleseminar programming costs $97.00.

06/09/2011

Yes, it's true that I can hardly believe that this even requires a blog post. What I want to talk to you about today is personal hygiene. Because, apparently, people need a reminder.

Hygiene not only affects whether or not someone will flirt with you, but it can be a huge factor when it comes to sexual activity.

Showers are essential. Period. Yes, baths are luxurious and lovely, but you are basically laying around in your own stink. Also, you really need to use soap when you shower. Not lathering up can save time and water resources, but you aren't doing anyone any favors by not using soap. When it comes to soap, an individual is faced with a dizzying number of choices in the wide wide world of personal hygiene products. My recommendation is to use an effective but mild bar soap. Names like cetaphil, neautrogena, and dr. bronner's magic soap are good choices. They will get you clean using minimal amounts of product ingredients. Organic soaps are also a really good choice if you want something with more fragrance. Most are infused with essential oils that can be stimulating to many of your senses. I'm not a huge fan of scented bar soaps because they can be overpowering and probably contain more chemicals and ingredients to get that specific smell. They can also cause skin irritation on your sensitive genital skin.

Now that you have your new bar of shower soap, let's get into how you use it. Most people will feel pretty darn clean if they focus on certain areas. The face and neck, feet, underarms, and genitals are the places I would chose to focus on if I had a limited amount of time.

But what does genital area mean?

If you have a penis, then you need to lather up and wash your penis, foreskin (if applicable), testicles, and anal region. Some people use the bar of soap, some people use a washcloth, others may use some sort of shower gel. Smells love to cling to these areas, and it can become more pronounced if you have a lot of pubic hair. I've heard from many people that they are scared of or put off by a un-circumsized penis. Their hesitance is often linked to the legend of smegma. Ironically, most of my gay friends say their experiences have been that the penises that have been the most clean are un-circumsized ones. It is also important to get the anal region (please do NOT get carried away and shove a bar of soap up your rectum) but you need to clean the external area. Please don't forget to clean all around your ballsack as a lot of funk can collect in that area behind the testicles and can be a major turn off for your partner. Some individuals can detect that they haven't gotten their tushy clean enough after a bowel movement because it feels kinda weird. Lo and behold, if they go back and re-clean that area, they will no longer have that feeling. This area can be a challenge if you happen to have hemorrhoids or anal warts, so a lot of tender loving care is needed. Maybe your parent never taught you how to clean your genital area, or maybe you are just a lazy fucker, but cleaning this part of your anatomy is important if you ever want to have sex with another person.

If you have a wondrous vulva, it is too bad that there are so many hang ups about cleaning their genitals because it is either a "dirty" place that shouldn't be touched, some may believe it constitutes masturbating (heaven forbid!), or are just plain uncomfortable cleaning it. Vulvas are great in that no two are ever the same. Some have larger folds of labial lips, however, that require a little more attention. Regardless of how you feel about your genitals, you still need to clean them. Again, having more pubic hair can trap a noticeably funky smell. If you are someone who uses a public women's restroom and enter a stall right after a much older/elderly woman has finished, you know exactly what smell I am talking about! Using a mild soap or washcloth is all that is needed to keep this area happy and smelling like it should. We are not immune to getting smegma so washing in and around your outer lips, clitoral area, and mons pubis is a really good thing. Remember that vaginas are self cleaning and need no other attention other than what you should be washing anyway. Also, some larger labial lips can almost seem like a magnet for little bits of toilet paper. It makes sense if you think about it for a minute. Usually, all you need to do is feel around your vulva area after you are done wiping to make sure you aren't taking any little friends along for a ride. Douches are not a good idea. Douches can cause all sorts of maladies and possible infections, so it is best to steer clear of them all together. If you are someone who menstruates, know that it is perfectly normal to smell differently during that time of the month. Some describe their genital area as having a metallic smell while they are menstruating. Go figure. Since everyone has an anus, refer to the suggestions above on how to keep it clean.

I should mention that there are some people who really get off on the funky smell and their partners will purposefully not thoroughly clean their junk, and there isn't anything wrong with that. However, most people prefer a nice, clean penis, anus, and vulva. Your sexual partners will be much more open and eager to explore your genital area if they don't feel like they need to breath though their mouth or feel like they are going to gag. Also, almost no one you have been with or will be with will ever tell you that your junk smells (they just might never have sexy time with you again), so this is one of those times when you need to be proactive.