C.S Lewis once said, “Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?”

I never understood that quote as I do now. Every day when I awake, I see nothing changing. I feel like the same Christian, with the same fire, the same sarcastic yet shy individual I’ve always been.

BUT, a conversation with a friend a few days ago made me realize…it wasn’t so.

I am not who I was five years ago, my interests, my conversations, my friends, everything has changed; some for the best, others…not so much. I am not as smart as I thought but then again, is anyone ever?

I believe that this season of SIP (Season of Intense Prayer), has opened my eyes to things. I’ve had dreams, I’ve had tears. I’ve had nights of solitude and I’ve had laughs. There are so many dreams I want to accomplish, yet I see myself failing to. So many aspirations and dreams…unfulfilled. My pastor once said, “Sometimes you don’t get what you want because you’re not angry enough.”

I wondered “What do you mean?” I’m angry about what I’m going through and my incapability to change anything I love, so what do you mean I am not angry enough?

Then he said, “You have accepted certain situations as how it will always be. Content with an average and complacent life.” Then it hit me, I have no drive to move ahead… I just want to try a little here, a little there and just see if I like it. And for a season I’m in love with that idea…that dream, but then I want nothing to do with it after a season. I don’t want to ever become more than average, I want to know just enough to pass by, enough to get an A in class, enough to impress those around but this “little-here-little-there” is hurting my soul because I feel like I’m never good enough.

So this year, I have decided to take it upon myself, to do new things, to walk new journies and to hopefully move away from this mind of complacency and average is all I’ll ever achieve.

2018 will be a year to step out of my comfort zone and try things I never have:

Go bald at least once

Learn to swim

Wake up early

These will be some of the few. To some, it may seem ridiculous, but my ability to take these first few steps might result in me doing something greater, and I can’t wait to find out what it will be.

Ever fall in love so completely you find yourself losing the sense of who you are ? Sacrificing all you are and stand for ? Seeing the mistakes pile up but being so sure of your conviction? Taking a bold stand to pursue this love to see it to its perfect end some might say. Sadly,this kind of love towards man ,usually leaves you longing and hollow at the end of the day. It makes you feel lost and empty like a part of you has been gushed out . You might even come in time to hate love or the idea of love because as human as we are, we turn to be a bit extreme in our emotions and the giving of it.

Now, let me tell you a story . There was a girl who wondered why everytime she thought she found love she had to watch it turn sour, not because she didn’t give it her all. She always gave the best she could, she listened, she was supportive, the whole ordeal really but what she seeked wasn’t what was given at the end. There was a sesnse of being whole, and she craved it. She knew she’d been blessed with a bottomless pit of love to pour out to all those around her but she as a person knew she wasn’t whole. She didn’t feel fulfilled, she seeked approval from those around her, those she deemed worthy but that’s didn’t seem to help either.

She woke up oneday from a nightmare in the middle of the night and eventhough she hadn’t called her friend in a while,the first thing she did was call out His name and tell him to come around and just then, he leaves everything and rushes to her. When He arrived, she felt a rush of peace and happiness and comfort and protection flood into her and she snuggled into the most pleasant sleep she’d had in a while. It left her in deep thoughts considering what kind of love this was and why she felt such a source of peace and wholeness from this kind of love He gave. She wondered what will make Him drop everything and just come to her even though she had been neglecting him. She begun to compare him to the others who claimed to love her. She had felt love from people but she realized this was surely different and definetly one she hadn’t worked for,considering she liked to ignore him,not consciously though but she did anyway.

She then realized she was loved with the most desparate of loves, she was craved by Him. Just a 5 minute chat with Him left her feeling a sense of love and peace and just sheer happiness. She decided to turn the tables and try to atleast fall in love with him too besides he understood her, all her plans, all she longed to be, he kept her secrets, he knew her weakness and flaws yet he still loved her. With him no matter how sour their disagreements were, leaving his presence always left her being a better person, filled with confidence, peace and happiness.

She decided to take all she had, all she could offer to him,her dreams,her future, her profession, her heart, her very being and everything she considered to be precious to her. She sealed it all in a jar and went to meet him. She broke it all and bared herself , with nothing to hide and nothing to lose. She decided to be reckless one last time,after all she’d done it a couple of times for the wrong people. Her decision left those around her shocked at the level of recklessness. They told her how she’d gone too far this time and how she needed to live and enjoy the life instead. She knew the move looked reckless and required her to sacrifice more than she ever thought she would need to but she was so sure He was the one that could fully complete her. And surely since she bared it all, she’s had no regrets. He’s not changed now that he has her fully, she still has that new love feeling and bubbling, she still swoons over him and he does same over her.

He gave her letters he had written for her with her in mind as he wrote them,for whenever she needed to hear from him,he gave her the best gift, a comforter to keep her comforted always and he was never busy to meet up or talk to her you know. He was the perfect lover. And obviously her love for each Him only kept growing and His love was deeper, sweeter and endless for her.

In the story you just read, you see her go from being incomplete to being complete. She went from feeling unloved to feeling loved, the name of the lover that made all this possible for her is Jesus Christ and oh how beautiful that name is. The letters he wrote to her is the bible, the best comforter he gave to her is the holy spirit and his direct line is prayer. This is the love that deserves to be desparately wanted and be easily reckless in . With no fears of being left, alienated or fears of love turning sour or plainly not working. The thing with this story is , everyone can have this kind of love though it will require you to make sacrifices you might not necessarily like but in the end it’s going to be for your good. Jesus Christ loves you before you even before you think about reciprocating His love. It’s up to you to accept his love.Be recklessly abandoned in his love for you,it makes you complete.

So there are a few things I have come to realize as a 24yr old African female graduate and I will like to share with you. As an African female no matter where you find yourself, there’s a stigma of being married once you’re done with school and don’t get me wrong I personally think marriage is good but I also think if its not the right time and the right person don’t you dare get into it.

1. Regret- Marriage isn’t meant to be a ’till you’re tired of each other’ thing. Marriage is a life time commitment. You don’t go into it because you think you can get out of it, when you can’t handle it anymore. So go into it without having regrets, go into it being sure of where you stand in the long run. If you’re going to regret it, then don’t do it. Save someone the stress of future unnecessary arguments, bitterness, anger and hurt.

2. Pressure- You can be pressured into marriage, by society and even by yourself to attain everything by a certain age but take a step back and really look at the entirety of the situation. After the wedding everyone including your parents and your friends go home and you head home to your marriage. Can you handle it? Can you two support each other ? Can you say you can help each other, achieve each others dreams? If yes oh then by all means do it. But don’t ever feel pressured into something you are not ready for.

3. Age – I don’t think theres a time frame to be married but I also think marrying young is a good thing. Comes with both spiritual and physical benefits. So by all means if you’ve met the right person with the right conditions then hell yeah go for it and run with it. But don’t think you’re too young to marry or you’re getting too old so you need to just settle for marriage.

I am not against marriage at all but what I am against are the misconceptions we have about females entering into marriage right after school. In a typical African setting, all you hear is ‘when are you getting married’ ? And its coming from a good place I believe but I also believe that there are dreams to be achieved and realized. Sometimes the one you love may not be the person to realize those dreams with. Then by all means don’t get into it. Yes it may hurt but it will be for that moment and well sometime after that. At that moment it could feel like the most terrible thing to ever happen but look into the future you want for yourself and the future they want for themselves.

Are your dreams similar? Do you have the same goals? Do you have the same principles? Do you want to live in the same country? Are you okay being married to someone from their background? Do you have the support system you need in them?

And note to self even when the truth hits you in the face it will be hard to accept it because obviously you want love to win but does it? Love is not enough for marriage to work! Its not I really wish it was. Then a lot of people will be married or will stay married. In the USA alone, about 50% of marriages have been predicted to end in divorce. I don’t think that was the goal when they got married. Most people wouldn’t have predicted their love for each other not holding them down.

You’ve been the one to answer all my prayers
Anytime I need You, I know that You’ll be there
‘Cause no one could ever love me like You could
I’m hoping that you’ll hear these prayers of mine
I’m hoping that we’ll be together for all times
‘Cause no one could ever love me like You could

From the lyrics I came to realization of how God is the only one who can meet all the criteria we search for in someone to love. So don’t be unrealistic. Just thought i would share my view. Hey, we are not obligated to have the same views after all. xox

Sometimes its better to sit quietly and reflect on how far you’ve come and where you see yourself next. You realize how much love dwells within you, what you’re made of and who you really are.

I woke up today from a terrible dream and I decided not to freak out just decided to talk to God about it. I realized even if the dream happened it’s not the worst thing that would have happened to me and definitely wouldn’t be the last “terrible” thing to happen.

Every time a dream shatters or doesn’t come to pass, its not just failure or a set back as we wire ourselves to believe but rather its a stepping stone to where we wanna be and its part of what makes us who we are. We are a constitution of broken dreams and setbacks put together again by determination to get back on the journey we desire.

Often we prefer to just sit back and wallow in self pity and our failures but the idea and zeal that makes you get back up and put your self back out there takes the courage of a thousand people. No one knows the fight you have to fight or the arguments you have with yourself everyday about your ideas and the supposed future you see for yourself. Not forgetting the fights you have with the people around you trying to step on your dreams or with the people you can’t see your dreams being built with anymore because with the progress of your dreams, theirs will be shattered and you wouldn’t want to be the person who is held responsible for crushing someone’s dreams.

Look into your life and reflect on all the bad things that have happened that you have managed to overcome. How have you changed? In what way have you remained the same? What part of you are you glad you haven’t lost yet? Its all part of the battle called life and I am sorry to say that its not the end yet, though we would wish it was. As long as we remain alive on this earth, the hurts, the failures, the hardships, they will continue to roll in like a storm but be the rainbow at the end of a storm. Decide to come out stronger than you’ve ever been and remain ‘you’ as much as you can because there’s beauty in being through the storm and coming out stronger and better and not letting defeat change who you are and your belief.

Do not hide out under your blanket when life doesn’t seem to be going according to plan, remember what you’ve overcome and remember you can make it through this one.xo

So I decided to stop writing for sometime. Things in my life were not working as well as i would have hoped for. Funny thing about being “Grown Up” is thinking that everything is going to work, as smoothly as you would want, but that isn’t how life is,sadly.

No i cannot blog about the things everyone else blogs about not because i can’t per se but i want to blog about things i find passionate. Yeah i like to make up and dress up but i don’t think i am good at blogging about that as i am about just putting down my thoughts ,that comes easier. I wouldn’t rule it out entirely, but just saying it’s not my main focus though that draws the crowd. Rather i would like to focus on self discovery and improvement.

So bear with me as i take you along my journey of self discovery and love and just overall health and peace of mind. It takes a lot to make everything work the way you would want them to, or to juggle it all. And sometimes we lose ourselves in the process and we tend to want to settle and just take what has been thrown at us. I believe that settling can make you unhappy and it is something i would like to avoid. I don’t want to be sad about my life 10years from now because i made decisions today because i was afraid of the unknown and just settled.

I definitely do not know what the future holds but i know i want to be grow spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I am not talking about just any growth, I want a healthy growth. I want to make decisions because I am sure about them and I am willing to face the consequences. I do not want to make decisions because I want to please anyone per se or because I am being forced into it or because “I don’t want to be the one left out”.

I pray God gives me the strength to see it through and if you want to be part of this journey, you’re welcome to be part of the journey. You’re welcome to share your thoughts. xo

So I am back here again. Today I wanna talk about some of my experiences in medical school, and how it felt like schooling abroad.

Simply put, it was not easy at all. As if medicine on its own wasn’t hard enough, my parents then decided Ukraine was the best place to do it.

Location: Ukraine is in Eastern Europe. Because of my dad’s profession we had to move around a lot. As you might already know I am Ghanaian but we were living in the Fiji Islands where I completed my high school education. So I was basically leaving my comfort zone, the serene and tropical South pacific haven to the cold world of Ukraine! Away from family! Believe me when I say I was not thrilled at all!

Language: The main languages spoken in Ukraine are Ukrainian and Russian, with Ukrainian being the country’s official language. FYI, I suck at learning languages, I wasn’t blessed with that ability. I had lived in Fiji for more than 5 years, since 2010 and i still wasn’t fluent in either the Fijian language or Hindi considering the fact that all my friends were mostly Indian. Thank God english is part of the official languages in Fiji. Anyways I moved to Ukraine where they don’t speak english and I had to struggle to get around. I bought things by pointing to them and google translating! Thank God for google!!

Family- I was so used to being with my family because over the years we’ve always been together and even whiles i did my foundation studies on a different island in Fiji they visited often and they could just pitch up! But let’s face it, unless you have an endless supply of cash, no one was just gonna pitch up to Ukraine. Sad!

Friends- I suck at making friends! God knows! I am shy and don’t know how to make the first move towards friendship. It took time for me to warm up to my college friends in Fiji, oh my Indian family and Joe my Korean brother, they were so sassy and fun! Now in Ukraine I was back to being the awkward girl who just smiles and blocks my ears with my big beats pro and walks around with a strict face that others deem unapproachable (I don’t think it’s strict, I just think I might be lost in thoughts or hangry, y’all know hunger does that.)

So yeah I came to Ukraine alone, unaccompanied by my parents to this new land. As it was my first time in Europe, I thought to myself let the adventure begin! and oh it did! From Dnipropetrovsk-DNK, I landed in Vinnytsa (where i schooled) and it was terrible! Yeah sorry to burst your bubble but it wasn’t fun at all! It was a public holiday so there wasn’t a direct train to Vinnytsa. The train from DNK to Kiev was an old sleeping train, it was tight, smelly and hot! It was terrible!

But alas, I came and I conquered! The top lessons I learnt during my medical school days in Ukraine are:

Balance- Life is about balance. There is no family here to push you to keep your values and stay on course. There’s liberty to go where you want to, when you want to. Because of this people usually forget the real reason they travelled in the first place; that it was for education and not for tourism. They tend to live a life of false balance and ditch classes when they feel like it and they end up with so many unfinished courses that leads them to either drop out or repeat classes. You can study and have fun but there must be a balance. One where your priorities are straight yet you find a way to destress.

Spirituality- You are free to change your lifestyle and do all the things you weren’t allowed to before. In a way it helps people find out who they really are but in another way people fall away from the basic principles they were taught and fall into bad company. You find that you have to encourage yourself to read your bible or pray or even to join a church or whatever it is you do to maintain your spirituality. Books become your life, followed by rest because you are almost always drained due to the stress of it all. It’s a fight to keep your spirituality.

Maturity- Oh how you will grow! Tossed to the wind and left to navigate the world on your own… You are going to cry on certain days and wonder why you chose medicine as a career path and if you’re anything like me you will start to look for other career paths. Let me let you in on a little secret, I decided to drop out to become a chef at a certain point because I love food and because I thought that would be easier! The freedom of being by yourself forces you to balance life whilst getting to know yourself, keeping relationships with old friends and trying to not mess up your life by following the crowd! Because every decision was going to affect you one way or the other. You will definitely mature if you don’t give up.

So in conclusion,Ukraine is a nice country and I wouldn’t take back any experience because I grew through those experiences and I am grateful. Medicine is not as easy as making an omelet but it requires all the dedication you have to give and the ability to never give up. I am glad I stayed on course. I am happy I got the opportunity to grow up in Ukraine too.xo

I remember the first day I got into Ukraine. Thinking of how long this medical school is going to be. I was already drained of every ounce of energy I had just by thinking about the years it was gonna take to achieve my aim. And this was just the beginning.

The years after that weren’t any easier for me, they became more challenging and difficult. Having heart breaks, feeling you weren’t good enough for the task ahead and doubting myself, asking if even I deserved to really be in med school.

Going through phases where I doubted the existence of God or His love. Falling deep into depression and seeing no way out. I figured ending it all will make the hurt go away and worst of all I pulled away from God and His unending love. Through all this phase I never failed a paper, not because I am smart, but because of grace.

I remember one night filled with so much hurt and bitterness I couldn’t recognize myself. I decided to have a heart to heart with God listening to Kevin Levar ‘A Heart That Forgives’. For the first time in a long time, I felt the rush of love and comfort overpower me and leave me in tears. I reconciled with God and I was clothed in grace.

The feeling of all your wrongs being covered, every tear being caught and all weaknesses being overlooked filled me. I was no longer broken but strengthened. Things didn’t suddenly just change but this time I had a new assurance and a friend with me which is the Holy Spirit.

Seeing myself today and realizing I officially become a medical doctor today, makes me so grateful for grace. I realize it’s what has made me who I am today and I am grateful.

Whatever it maybe that you’re going through, this is just a gentle reminder that ‘GRACE ALWAYS WINS’ no matter what! Be encouraged, xo!