The Mostly Functional Parents SW did a home visit today, and she and GM had a brief conversation about a couple of other adopters just before leaving. They talked about how hard it is for adopters to acknowledge, own, admit to or discuss any difficulties they experience with any given placement. In particular they talked about what happens when the adoptive parents struggle to like or gel with their child. This is something that they have talked about previously as both GM and CD initially struggled to like Lolly, and GM talked to her SW in some detail about the challenges this bought to the family.

At the end of Lolly’s day, she lay in GM’s arms. She had finished her drink and was relaxing before bed, “eye” she said and touched GM’s eye. Mother and daughter played a familiar and comfortable game, facing each other, touching one-an-others faces, with GM naming the parts. As Lolly relaxed further, GM stroked her childs face with her fingertips, her jaw, her lips, her cheeks, glancing from her fingers to Lolly’s gaze and back. Lolly became more and more relaxed and smiling, drifted off to sleep.

GM sighed deeply when she closed the bedroom door, thinking about how wonderful it is to feel such love and warmth and affection for her child.

“Whereyougoin” says the infant. Aunty 3 and GM pass stunned looks and then laugh. Aunty 3 tells the child it’s time for her to go home now, and leaves.

Later GM hears Lolly’s pipping voice “ca! ca! Rmm Rmm.” GM looks and there she is not only saying but signing car quite clearly, in response to a toy she has just seen.

“oh-oh” as something is dropped

“down there” pointing to the toast on the floor

“all gone” at the empty bowl, clearly signing

“Baby” she says and signs ; “Grrrr” as she signs ‘Tiger’; she crouches to jump (but doesn’t take off just yet!); “ello” as she takes the hand of a peer, and leads him to a ball pool; “ank oo” on getting what she wants.

The list goes on, new words, clear understanding, steps forward in every area – communication, physical, social, cognitive and emotional.

GM muses on the development of her youngest daughter with a sense of wonder. It is thrilling!

Like this:

“You’ve reported a camera and other items have been stolen, could you give me more detail?”

“Yes I think my daughter, who is 21 and no longer lives with us, broke into the house today whilst we were out and took my camera. She’s been coming to the house and taking things over the past couple of weeks. When she came yesterday I confronted her and she admitted it. Last week a couple of lenses for my camera, a Nintendo DS and phone were taken. Last night she stayed the night and my partner and I had to leave this morning to attend some training. Our younger daughters were being looked after by my partners sisters for the day so we made Big Sis leave with us. Just as we were about to leave I noticed my Nikon D50 was missing. I checked Big Sis’s bag and around he house. Eventually I found it hidden down the side of the house. I confronted Big Sis, she denied everything and we made her leave the house with us. My partner’s sisters left the house a couple of hours later with the kids and within 10 minutes Big Sis arrived with a lad from down the road and a ladder. My neighbour says that she saw Big Sis hanging around at the bottom of the street earlier and that Big Sis used the ladder to get in through my bedroom window.”

After a few question, “Is the lad a suspect?” “No I don’t think so, she lived here until a few months ago. I think he may have thought he was doing her a favour.”

“Is there a history of drugs?” “No not that I’m aware of. Though given the behavior over the past couple of weeks I am concerned.”

“Are you sure you want to pursue a criminal investigation?” “Yes, I told her yesterday that if she stole anything else from us then I would report it to the police?”

“So can I summarise? A number of items have been stolen from your house, including a camera, which was stolen twice in one day and you’re pretty sure your daughter has done it.”

“Yeah, that’s about it.”

“OK Crap Dad, an officer will be around in the morning to take a statement and the investigation will proceed from there.“

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It wasn’t that long ago that the Mostly Functional parents regularly left the nursery after an ISAR meeting (Inclusion and SEN Action Record) wondering what they had to do to convince the nursery staff to adopt a different approach to LML. Today’s meeting, the first with staff from the school that LML will attend from September, which included the Specialist SEN Nursery Worker employed by the education authority and the speech and language therapist, was a revelation. The nursery staff articulated LML’s support needs, outlined her issues and were very clear about how delayed she is (she is operating in the range of 8 – 20 months – she’s 4). Before the Mostly Functional parents could respond to suggestions from the school staff about how they might manage LML in the new setting the nursery staff regularly responded with “no, she won’t be able to cope with that, you might want to consider this…”.

All crap dad could think of was ‘by jove, I think they got it!!!’

The teacher from the school looked a little shell shocked at times but remained engaged and enthusiastic. She was keen to arrange language development, makaton and attachment disorder training for her and her colleagues. As the meeting broke up she was in a huddle with the school SEN co-ordinator and the nursery’s teacher arranging to attend the nursery and observe LML.

Since making the choice of which school the Mostly Functional would attend the Mostly Functional parents have periodically fretted about whether they had made the right decision… today it definitely felt like the right choice.

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“It’s pleasing to meet with parents who don’t use their child’s issues to excuse their behaviour” said the educational psychologist.

The mostly functional parents were attending an informal meeting with the educational psychologist which included the clinical psychologist and speech therapist who work with LML. The meeting’s aim was to share information about LML and to enable the education psychologist to start to think about her transition from nursery to school in September. The mostly functional parents share their experience and are open and honest about LML and her needs. They understand that the ed psych is NOT referring to ‘bad’ behaviour, but just how LML is, and also that she is pleased because the parents have aspirations for their daughter that are realistic.

At the end of the meeting it is agreed that the Ed Psych will write a report which will be used as a baseline of where LML is at, that she’ll undertake an ‘observation’ and this will be used to access increased funding to support LML in school. The staff at the school will be encouraged to attend training on supporting LML’s communication development and on issues around attachment. The ‘transition planning’ will begin as soon as possible.

At the end of the meeting the mostly functional parents feel that although it was a bit wishy-washy there was some progress made and that it’s the first step to managing the transition to school.

And boy does LML love it … GM and CD laugh as LML hugs and kisses the 500g jar, cradling it like it’s the most precious baby, chanting and singing it’s name over and over. Given LML’s ambiguous relationship with meals and eating, any signs of pleasure in food is to be encouraged, but this does seem a little extreme!