Lee Daniels’The Butler comes out today, featuring an all-star cast including Forest Whitaker, Oprah Winfrey, Jane Fonda, Terrence Howard, and Daniels favorites Lenny Kravitz and Mariah Carey. Basically everyone in the world is in this movie, all to tell the inspiring tale of Cecil Gaines, the titular butler inspired by the real life Eugene Allen, who served under seven presidents from Eisenhower to Reagan.

While Gaines toils away in the presence of greatness, privy to some historic presidential precedents — Eisenhower sending troops to Little Rock, JFK ‘s civil rights address, LBJ’s Civil Rights Act, Nixon being drunk — his son Louis makes history as an activist, participating in sit-ins, hanging out with Martin Luther King, joining the Black Panthers, etc. The entire film is a lesson in the civil rights movement and it brings that tumultuous time alive like no film in recent memory.

It also brings to light some unsolved mysteries, answers to which are found throughout the film. We’re tying a smart sweater around our shoulders and peddaling through Cabot Cove à la a young Angie Lansbury to solve these cases.

Queerty, She Wrote. Check out 4 mysteries solved by Lee Daniels’ The Butler.

Mystery: Anyone who’s ever seen The Color Purple knows that Oprah and Whoops Goldberg were openly robbed for Best Supporting and Lead Actress, respectively. Yet no one called the cops. It was actually grand theft Oscar that March night in 1986, when The Color Purple tied the Shirley MacLaine-Anne Bancroft bitchfest The Turning Point as the most-nominated film without any wins: 11. Where’s Oprah‘s goddamn Oscar?

Case Closed: Right here. She’s fantastic in Lee Daniels’ The Butler as Cecil’s long-suffering, alcoholic wife, Gloria — bringing to mind another standout Lee Daniels-directed performance, Mo’Nique in Precious. While she doesn’t dance around in a spandex bodysuit like Mo, O does dance around in a two-tone jumpsuit and fake afro. Sounds like this case is ready to be put to bed.

2. The Case of Mimi’s Emancipation

Mystery: Mariah Carey was five minutes late to the press conference last week and it was the most amazing thing we’ve ever seen. In a room full of stars, including Oprah Fucking Winfrey, Mimi managed to outshine them all. But she’s in the movie for less than the five minutes by which she arrived tardy. Why?

Case Closed: Mariah plays the young Cecil’s mother, a field worker — slavery was technically over, but conditions had barely changed. The diva appears free of all the trappings of her diamond-encrusted life and makes the most of her few minutes on film. As for the why, Mimi explained during that press conference that she was just glad to be included with such a stellar cast. Divas can be team players, too.

3. The Case of Terrence Howard’s Missing Tooth

Mystery: Terrence Howard’s a good-looking man, much like Oprah has a little money set aside. His distracting prettiness almost cost him the role of her lascivious neighbor, Howard, however. Then he removed something that’s been a part of him for the past 25 years.

Case Closed: “Lee called me and he was like, ‘TT, I’m having trouble. I want to put you in this movie, but I can’t now. There’s this one character left but you’re too pretty for him. I don’t know what to do!’ ” Howard told CNN. “And he’s like, ‘Can we cut your hair off or maybe give you an eye patch or a scar or something?’ And I was like, ‘You know what, I got a crown on this front tooth, you know, I can take that out.’ He’s like, ‘Don’t you do it! Don’t you do it! … I’ll set up a dentist appointment right away!'”

4. The Case of Martin Luther Queen, Jr

Mystery: Watching Louis Gaines hang out with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. before he got shot that fateful day in Memphis, Tennessee, you might take pause to wonder who’s portraying that legendary, mustachioed civil rights pioneer.

Case Solved: Then if you just imagine the mustache away, draw on some eyeliner and wrap that crewcut in a sequined scarf: Voilà! Lafayette Reynolds from True Blood. Nelsan Ellis is just one of the many famous people tapped to play even more famous people, so you’ll have a game of Name that Actor playing in the back of your head throughout the entire film: James Marsden as JFK; Minka Kelly as Jackie Kennedy; Liev Schreiber as LBJ; Robin Williams as Eisenhower; Alan Rickman as Reagan; Jane Fonda as Nancy Reagan; but John Cusack as Nixon is simply incredible. And drunk. We weren’t kidding before.

When “The Color Purple” was nominated in practically every category that year, “Out of Africa” was also nominated for everything. “Out of Africa” won in nearly every category and “The Color Purple” won NOTHING!

What a travesty that was! At a minimum, Whoopi should have been best actress, Danny Glover should have been best actor and Oprah should have been best best supporting actress. It seems like the big production with the sweeping landscapes will always win for best picture, but Meryl Streep’s performance didn’t hold a candle to Whoopi’s, and Robert Redford should have taken a back seat to Danny Glover

The proof of the film’s impact is how often it has been shown on TV over the years. “Out of Africa,” on the other hand, practically faded into obscurity until it surfaced on one of the premium movie channels just this year.

Aug 17, 2013 at 6:46 am · @Reply ·

gaym50ish

Actually, my memory was faulty when I assumed that Streep and Redford won that year. Geraldine Page was best actress for “The Trip to Bountiful” and William Hurt won best actor for “Kiss of the Spider Woman.” Those performances were deserving enough, but we still have never seen anything like Whoopi Goldburg’s performance.

Aug 17, 2013 at 7:02 am · @Reply ·

Snapper59

@gaym50ish: Yeah, I totally believe you saw “Kiss of the Spider Woman” and “The Trip to Bountiful” and can judge.

Aug 17, 2013 at 10:22 am · @Reply ·

boring

Films released in 1985 that were infinitely better than eye-rolling Oscar bait The Color Purple:

MOTHERFUCKING After Hours
Better Off Dead…
Brazil
CLUE
Commando
Day of the Dead
Enemy Mine
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
Fright Night
Just One of the Guys
Krush Groove
Lost in America
Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge
Once Bitten
Pee-wee’s Big Adventure
The Purple Rose of Cairo
Ran
RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD
The Stuff
To Live and Die in L.A.
A Zed and Two Noughts

Seems like a whole bunch of people were involved in this ridiculous notion of a conspiracy to deny poor Oprah any of those Best Supporting Actress wins.

Maybe its as simple as she wasn’t good enough.

Aug 17, 2013 at 4:12 pm · @Reply ·

boring

Note how no one’s stirring shit for Oprah not getting recognition for BELOVED, by the way.

Aug 17, 2013 at 4:51 pm · @Reply ·

Tackle

That’s because she was terrible in Beloved. Her inexperience as an actress showed. However Thandie Newton did a great job in Beloved, with a very difficult role. Playing a flesh & blood ghost. Kimberly Elise also did a good job in “Beloved”. But Oprah was great in,
“The Color Purple”. Whoopi Goldberg was excellent in ” The Color Purple”, but terrible in Tyler Perry’s, ” For Colored Girls”. She just was NOT believeble as the religious fanatic mother, a similar part that Piper Laurie gave a masterpiece preformance as the mother of “Carrie”. It’s strange how one minute someone can turn in a great preformance, and the next, not so much.