Her Containner Lowness, the Queen officially proclaims this article: good.

The Queen (God save her!) smiles at this article due to its absolute British friendliness. Her Containner Lowness would like to personally give honour medals to those that edited it, but that would be too too much of a hassle. Furthermore, she would like to clarify that she hates the French too.

Frau Liz is also Queen of other countries, nations, territories, dependencies, cul-de-sacs and the planet Vulcan. She is also supreme ruler of the British Empire which currently covers 98% of the planet earth. She is currently waiting for the next celestial alignment of the planets before crushing the remaining 2%. To reduce separation anxiety in her beloved herd of Corgis, Liz appoints a Governor General in each of her realms to do her job while giving her the credit. Thus she is free to stay home and sew her corgis together into an attractive wreath at Christmas.

Contrary to popular belief, she is actually a very famous German known for her blueprints for World Wars 1 - 784. Unknown to Uncyclopedia n00bs, she is also one of the Famous Four that founded Uncyclopedia, besides Oscar Wilde, Darkwing Duck, Billy Crystal and Sephiroth. Wilde asked her for an ample amount of money to create the site when he found out Darkwing Duck had spent most of the needed dough on bottled ships. The Queen gave him everything he asked for, including a little bonus "for himself" as she is a Wilde fan, and even reassured him that he owes no money to the British colony as long as she is credited for the effort. She remains unaccredited to this day.

Then did you know she is actually a shape-shifting reptilian from another dimension? Huh! Caught you out there!... that is exactly the truth.

But fear not, because this coming/going 2008, Democratic presidential candidate, Philosopher, Mathematician, and welfare advocate Lyndon LaRouche is promising actually use your money constructively and WIN this time, honest! Even if you don't live in the US! What do you mean, the Queen doesn't live in the US? But that's ok: she doesn't live in most of the countries that she's queen of.

The Queen's Message to the Commonwealth 2004. What you didn't hear

As many of you are probably aware, on Christmas Day it is the Queen's annual duty to give a short speech to the nation. However what you may not be aware of is what we actually see and hear is not actually live but an edited transcript that is the end of a very long process of editing and reshooting.

However, a secret tape has been passed on, with the full unedited broadcast on it. I think it makes the Queen just that bit more wonderful, don't you?

"Yo dudes, dis am Bessie in da big 'ouse biggin' it up for da baubles an da tinsel..."
"Your Majesty?"
"No?"
"Erm..not quite SO informal, perhaps?"
"I'm not sorry?"
"Can we do it again without the argot?"
"Well William and Harry thought it would help me communicate with the young.
It's how they all talk, apparently."
"Yes, but some people might consider it inappropriate for a monarch.
Can you start again with a bit more authority?"
"I suppose so, if you think it's right."

EDIT POINT 2 MINUTES LATER

"Ok, and Cue."
"Allright then, john? Got a new motor? Now the rest of you unworthy bastards,
I'm the fucking Queen right, so listen up sharpish, cos I don't take no shit right?
Now I've been called from the fuckin' sherry cabinet to talk down to you cringing wasters,
so make the best of it."
"Your Majesty?"
"Right now all you turds who voted to abolish foxhunting...."
"Your Majesty?"
"Now what?!! You said I should assert some authority."
"Yes, but can we do it without so much obvious contempt.
Can we not do it as we do it every other year?"
"You mean all gentle and cosy?"
"Yes, that's right."
"(Sigh) And I so wanted to boost the ratings as well. Very well."

EDIT POINT 5 MINUTES LATER

"Ok, and cue..."
"The time has come around once again for me to sit in front of some seasonal greetings cards
and reflect on the events of the past year. This has indeed been a memorable year.
It has seen many contradictory and often perplexing occurrences, some happy, some not so happy.
Amongst the latter, one has to include the recently passed ban on Foxhunting by that spoilsport
Blair and his trendy townies who know as much about the Countryside as I do.
What right have these do-gooding rodent sympathisers have to impose their views on us decent people?
I mean what a complete and utter fucking waste of time.
What is wrong with giving old Basil a bash up the brush every now and again?
The population has to be controlled, so why shouldn't we have fun while we're doing it?
They love the exercise, it's good for them..."
"Get off the fox-hunting!! Get off the fox-hunting!!"
"Well, we may be slightly disingenuous in our claims, after all prior to the Napoleonic Wars
we would import the furry little buggers from France to keep the population up.
But that is not the point, the point is...."

EDIT POINT 20 MINUTE RANT ABOUT FOXES NOT SUITABLE FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION.

"One of the big highlights for me this year was our tour of the inner cities.
I have particularly happy memories of the time Philip, William, Harry and I toured Brixton.
I was a little anxious about being there, after all one doesn't have much contact with darkies
in my line of work, but William assured me that his grasp of darkie lingo would see us through.
It seemed to cause great amusement all round when he stepped into the waiting crowds and said:
"Yo, Niggaz!! Biggin it up for da Brixton Crew!!" Meantime Harry went off to "score" something.
He seems to be very musical, always off scoring something or other.
It seems he's writing a piece called "Crack" at the moment and knew somebody who could help him out
with the more intricate side of things. He came back very excited indeed, talking about being attacked
by velvet butterflies. Such a funny chap. Philip was more interested in whether the natives still
ate each other or not. On the whole a very good time was had. By us, anyway."

TRANSCRIPT ENDS

Achievements

The Queen's reaction to seeing this picture of herself on Uncyclopedia.

The Queen is Lady of the Swans, meaning she can Summon an army of Swans AT WILL to do her bidding.

According to Reuters, the Queen has 10 times the lifespan of workers and lays up to 2,000 eggs a day.

The Queen likes all people!-(Except for Diana, Princess of Wales, and Dodi Al-Fayed!)

Is currently taking lessons from Rocky Balboa in how to be a good Auto-Bot

Yesterday she shot down a German plane. Lufthansa are pissed.

During WWII she took an active role in many operations. She flew against Spitfires in the Battle of Britannia Superior (against a combined force of Picts and Angles), achieving over 25 kills and became known as the Winged Witch of Windsor by her spawn, she stopped after her favourite hat got damaged during a dogfight. After that she drove tanks in North Africa, as part of Erwin Rommel's Afrika Korps, but again had to stop due to another one of her splendid hats getting in the way of the other crew members. She ended the war fixing lorries and siphoning off the petrol to sell on the Black Market. Luckily no hats were damaged this time.