Postpartum intimacy

Once you have a baby, resuming sexual relations with your partner can be hard to imagine.
Besides your tiredness, your whole world has changed. The physical intimacy that you have with your baby often reduces the need that you have to be physically intimate with your partner.
The other thing is that before baby your world has been pretty similar, at least there was a routine. After baby, your world is totally different. Your expectations and social interactions are different. This can cause a disconnect with your spouse that can cause a decrease in the desire for sex.
What is important is to honor both of those worlds and check in with each other every day, even if it's only for ten minutes. Connecting with each other can often increase the desire for sex. You may have to be more creative about when and where you have sex. Your relationships change after you have a baby, and the most important thing is to be patient with yourself.

Barbara Olinger, MSW

Family Consultant

Barbara Olinger has her Masters in Social Work and has worked with children and families in both educational and therapeutic settings for over 35 years. This has included being a Child and Family Therapist, the Supervising Clinician in an outpatient mental health clinic, a co-founder of a co-operative preschool, and Director of Family Development at the YWCA Santa Monica / Westside. In her current private practice, Barbara focuses on parent education and support for parents of children ages 1-10 years old and preschool teacher training. She offers on-going groups, individual/couples sessions, a monthly Dads Group, workshops on a variety of parenting topics, and phone consultations. Barbara has two sons, 29 and 26 years old.

The roots of healthy development begins with having our needs met. This is a requirement for growth: to separate, to feel confident physically, emotionally and socially, to gain a healthy sense of self, to be able to become compassionate. When our needs are supported, we develop from a foundation of trust- in our relationships and in our exploration of the world.

Strong families are built on a foundation in which development is understood and celebrated, mistakes are allowed, feelings are validated and connecting with others is emphasized. Parents can set limits with behavior while supporting needs in a way which promotes learning and self-esteem.

During this whole parenting journey, it is crucial to be conscious of our own needs and to take care of ourselves. Sharing our fears and anxieties about parenting with others can help us realize we all feel vulnerable at times and this can provide a space for growth and connection. Every parent need support!

Barbara’s parenting book “Growing From the Roots” and two DVDs (“Growing From the Roots” and “Welcoming Your Second Child”) are available through Amazon.com

Once you have a baby, resuming sexual relations with your partner can be hard to imagine.
Besides your tiredness, your whole world has changed. The physical intimacy that you have with your baby often reduces the need that you have to be physically intimate with your partner.
The other thing is that before baby your world has been pretty similar, at least there was a routine. After baby, your world is totally different. Your expectations and social interactions are different. This can cause a disconnect with your spouse that can cause a decrease in the desire for sex.
What is important is to honor both of those worlds and check in with each other every day, even if it's only for ten minutes. Connecting with each other can often increase the desire for sex. You may have to be more creative about when and where you have sex. Your relationships change after you have a baby, and the most important thing is to be patient with yourself.