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Thursday, May 15, 2008

I moved from Maryland to New Jersey around the end of 2005 / start of 2006. I woke up this morning and realized I haven't done very much in the time I've spent here. I've seen Blue Man Group once in New York. I've been to a few New Jersey Devils games. And I've been down the Jersey Shore a bunch of times.

I'm not really one to go out on adventures or run to the crowds, but jeez, that's pretty bad.

So, I've been looking online today, because it's the slowest day in the history of slow work days, and I think I'm actually finding things to do that interest me!

I'm not quite sure what I feel like doing this weekend, but so far I've found Adventure Aquarium, and whale watching trips! I'm very excited about this! I hope I don't get lazy and just not do anything this weekend. And I hope that the whale watching trips aren't all booked up!

I'm sure there are a ton of things to do in New Jersey, and I'd like to start going out and doing them.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

What They Mean:I have no idea what this stuff means. But you obviously know more about it than I do. And I really want to make a commission off of this some time soon. So I'm going to go ahead and setup the next interview for you and hope that I get lucky.

What They Say:They're reviewing your resume right now!

What They Mean:They're not crazy about you. But I'm trying like hell to convince them, because I really want this commission and I've had no one else ask me about this position!

What They Say:Please create an account to submit your resume to us.

What They Mean:We want all of your information so we can store it in our system. This won't actually be used to evaluate you for any positions. Rather, it will be used to send you a bunch of crap that you have no desire for. And you won't realize that it was us that sent it to you, because by now it's likely that you've done this with several companies already. Though, we may send you a whole list of positions that have NOTHING at all to do with anything you are trying to apply for.

What They Say:Help Desk.

What They Mean:CALL CENTER!

What They Say:Account Manager.

What They Mean:SALES REP!

The Employers

What They Say:Seeking a well rounded individual, comfortable in a fast paced environment and can handle strict deadlines. Some data entry and phone support required. Must be a team player!

What They Mean:We need an Office Gopher. You'll be running around like crazy trying to correct everyone else's mistakes and get blamed for everything that goes wrong, as no one takes responsibility for their screw ups. No one else feels like filling out anything properly or answering the phones. So we're going to have you deal with that too. You'll be doing everyone else's work. This position should actually be filled by several people. But we just want one person to do it so that we can keep under budget, because the rest of us get paid a LOT more than what we're offering you. The budget we have planned out for this isn't enough to make the work of one person worth it to be here, let alone all the stuff we're going to have you do. But we're sure someone out there is desperate enough to apply.

What They Say:Willing to train.

What They Mean:Hey, we don't care if you mess up some. We're pretty sure you'll be able to figure it out enough so that no one else notices.

What They Say:Contract to Perm.

What They Mean:We're going to keep that little prize of having a permanent job with us dangling in front of you for a long time, until you give up on it. There's no way we're paying an agency the commission to hire you full time. There are hundreds of people out there that want this job. So, it's easy to replace you.

What They Say:Must be able to work independently.

What They Mean:Look, I'm tired of working. That's why I became a boss, so that others would do it for me. I want someone that thinks they're going to make a difference and get somewhere in life to do this stuff for me, without bothering me, so I can email and surf the web all day.

What They Say:Tell me in your own words about what you did in your previous employment.

What They Mean:Hey, I really haven't read over your resume and I don't feel like looking through it. It came to us, I saw a few things on there and I called you. I really don't know what else to ask you right now, so this will give me some time to think up a few things. Also, this is sort of a test to see if you'll put up with the crap that lies ahead for you in this position. And the longer this takes, the longer I can put off the other stuff I have to do that I really don't feel like doing.

We've all heard it before. And lately it's popping up everywhere we go.

"At the end of the day..."

I actually used to like this saying. It places importance on something, a finality.

It meant something. It was like saying, "Hey, nothing else in this world matters to me as much as the result of this." Or, "I realize that I have to be the one to do it, because at the end of the day, I'm all that I've got." And maybe nothing else is more important to that person than the result of a particular thing. And it's true, when it comes down to it, you are most important to yourself and nobody else. That's not a bad thing either. Realize that you are ultimately who you have in life.

But, oh man!

Now it's like, "At the end of the day, I either chew that stick of gum, or I don't."

"At the end of the day, we either make that sale or we don't."

"At the end of the day, I either liked my dinner or I didn't."

At the end of the day, "at the end of the day" is way overused.

It's a catchy saying. It makes things sound important. It places good emphasis on something. But, oh man, just because a person has discovered this new phrase, doesn't mean that they have anything in their life going on that they can use it with.

You wanna sound cool and important? Tell me you're giving me a million dollars and then hand it to me. At the end of the day, I might remember you.

We all have a basic understanding of what someone means by "Come to the Dark Side".

It's used a ton now in the workforce. Oh man. No pun intended. Sorry.

One implication is "Ooh, you just don't know. You think what you see around you is rough? You're in 'Light and Fluffy Land', come over to our department and see the grit and dirt of it all."

Look man, EVERY company has a group that thinks they're part of the "Dark Side". The problem is? It's every group too!

They see the light and fluffy world as you know it. And you see the light and fluffy world as they know it. But seriously? Let's face it, if it was that hard? You probably wouldn't have the job. Seriously.

Every department has gears that grind. Everyone's pushin' the same buttons. It's just a matter of what those buttons do in the end that's different.

"Come to the Dark Side"? No. I have work to do. Just because you've got it rough over there, doesn't mean that I'll be the least bit impressed, or think that you've got it any worse than me. I've got my own "Dark Side" to deal with and you are more than welcome to watch it as I walk back over to my department and take care of my own work.