Starkey: ESPN bottoms out on 'MNF'

TribLIVE Sports Videos

Email Newsletters

Daily Photo Galleries

Traveling by Jeep, boat and foot, Tribune-Review investigative reporter Carl Prine and photojournalist Justin Merriman covered nearly 2,000 miles over two months along the border with Mexico to report on coyotes — the human traffickers who bring illegal immigrants into the United States. Most are Americans working for money and/or drugs. This series reports how their operations have a major impact on life for residents and the environment along the border — and beyond.

It's still hard to believe the horrifically embarrassing performance we witnessed Monday night.

Not from the Steelers, mind you.

From ESPN.

The network that recently paid $15.2 billion to extend its NFL deal delivered what might have been the most surreal broadcast in American sports history.

Before we get to the part about the sideline reporter who couldn't speak English, the analyst who couldn't pronounce Roethlisberger and the studio host who mistook a light-bulb malfunction for a national security crisis, we'll throw it to Stuart Scott (Stu).

That is precisely what Chris Berman (Boomer) did at the beginning of "Monday Night Countdown."

"Good evening, Boom," Stu said. "Legendary field, legendary quarterback (analyst) Steve Young. Really, Boom, all we need is you in the corner of the end zone covering the game after Dwight Clark makes The Catch."

Boom would have a legendary night, all right. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Stu quickly went to the sideline reporter who couldn't speak English.

John Sutcliffe — guessing that's his stage name — was making his "Monday Night Football" debut. He normally works for Spanish-speaking ESPN Deportes. Shame on ESPN for throwing him into an impossible situation in perhaps its biggest game of the season.

This was planned. The website sportsgrid.com went to the trouble of confirming as much in a story on Sutcliffe, under the headline, "This Man's Presence on 'Monday Night Football' Confused a Nation."

The story quoted a network spokesman who called the Sutcliffe experiment "the most recent example of ESPN utilizing ESPN Deportes and International commentators on U.S. domestic outlets."

Once again, ESPN leads the way.

You had to feel for Sutcliffe, who came off as a mix of Latka from the old sitcom "Taxi" and Yoda of "Star Wars" fame. His post-halftime report on what Mike Tomlin told him: "We have to take care of better the ball."

But back to the beginning. Stu asked Sutcliffe whether the Steelers would go with injured Ben Roethlisberger or Charlie Batch.

Sutcliffe: "Stu, the answer is Ben Roethlisberger. He came out, he did the pro pre-game ability test, it was fine ... "

Now back to the studio for the fake laughter-filled "C'mon Man" segment, followed by analyst Jon Gruden's first butchering of Ben's surname ("Roth-ulz-berger").

Sutcliffe began his next report: "Stu, you can talk about the Niners, 10-3, NFC champions, but talking to them over the weekend, this is an opportunity to send a message, who they really are."

Berman reminded us of who he really is — a self-absorbed, melodramatic gas bag — when a transformer blew outside Candlestick Park just before kickoff. It had to be a scary moment, but by the time ESPN returned from a break, it was clear that the situation was hardly calamitous.

"Bringing back eerie memories," Berman said, invoking the 1989 earthquake that shook Candlestick Park before a World Series game.

Boomer was there in '89, you know, and would not let go of the analogy, even though he was quick to point out, "There has not been an earthquake."

Nope. Just some light bulbs. Yet Berman and play-by-play man Mike Tirico proceeded as if the free world were in peril.

Berman: "Mike Tirico and the guys are getting set to call the game, scrambling to a telephone. Michael, you guys all right?"

Wait, Tirico had to "scramble" to get to a phone• And he might have been injured?

Was this a scene from "Armageddon"?

Tirico, striking a cool professional tone amid the crisis: "Chris, we heard, or felt, no shaking ... "

Berman: "Well, I mean, that at least is the good news, Michael, on the non-shaking."

This went on for a bit. Finally, Boomer said, "Can you tell the mood of the fans• Panic wouldn't be the right word, but do you feel they're settled in calmly enough, Michael?"

You half-expected Boomer to ask if tents had been set up for possible victims.

Tirico said nobody was panicking. That probably should have sufficed, but Boomer went on. He again hearkened to 1989 and proceeded to confuse us in a way Sutcliffe could only dream of.

What follows is an actual transcript of Boomer's monologue:

"I will say this — and I don't want to get anybody crazy — because we were in the upper deck at the World Series like so many of the other folks in the disaster; the earthquake in San Francisco, during the World Series. And I will say ... the image that I will have on those running the stadium and those very quickly scrambling to positions of authority, if you will, and getting to where they can, without power, San Francisco has this down. They're really good at it, OK?"

OK.

Finally ready for some football, ESPN opened with a shot of Roethlisberger kneeling in prayer.

Tirico (honestly) said, "He's not Tebowing, he's Ben-ing."

Early in the second quarter, Tirico asked Sutcliffe what he'd learned of the outage.

"Some man told me he remembers the earthquake of '89, the last time the power was lost in this stadium. But to be honest, you can tell that they're running like hell trying to fix it."

"Good hustle John," Tirico said. "Thank you."

No, no, thank you ESPN, for putting those 15 billion dollars to good use.

TribLive commenting policy

You are solely responsible for your comments and by using TribLive.com you agree to our Terms of Service.

We moderate comments. Our goal is to provide substantive commentary for a general readership. By screening submissions, we provide a space where readers can share intelligent and informed commentary that enhances the quality of our news and information.

While most comments will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive, moderating decisions are subjective. We will make them as carefully and consistently as we can. Because of the volume of reader comments, we cannot review individual moderation decisions with readers.

We value thoughtful comments representing a range of views that make their point quickly and politely. We make an effort to protect discussions from repeated comments  either by the same reader or different readers.

We follow the same standards for taste as the daily newspaper. A few things we won't tolerate: personal attacks, obscenity, vulgarity, profanity (including expletives and letters followed by dashes), commercial promotion, impersonations, incoherence, proselytizing and SHOUTING. Don't include URLs to Web sites.

We do not edit comments. They are either approved or deleted. We reserve the right to edit a comment that is quoted or excerpted in an article. In this case, we may fix spelling and punctuation.

We welcome strong opinions and criticism of our work, but we don't want comments to become bogged down with discussions of our policies and we will moderate accordingly.

We appreciate it when readers and people quoted in articles or blog posts point out errors of fact or emphasis and will investigate all assertions. But these suggestions should be sent via e-mail. To avoid distracting other readers, we won't publish comments that suggest a correction. Instead, corrections will be made in a blog post or in an article.

Total Promotional Solutions

A division of Trib Total Media is your one-stop-shop for all of your branded merchandise needs.

We specialize in providing quality affordable promotional products for every type of business including non-profits, schools, universities, sports teams and more. With 1000’s of products to choose from, our knowledgeable staff can help you find the perfect apparel item or product to suit your needs and budget.

Digital Sales

We offer a wide variety of traditional and new digital advertising options customized to fit your needs!

Whether you're just starting out, or you've been a keystone in the community for years, our knowledgeable staff can provide you with a customized package including online banners/advertisements, Social Media Marketing (Facebook / Twitter), Website development, Search Engine Optimization, Email Marketing solutions and much more!

Contact your local sales rep today for details, personalized proposal and a meeting to discuss how we can meet your needs.