It’s a lovely day in Pittsburgh. The sun is shining, the leaves are changing into pretty fall colors, and I am angry. This is sort of a natural state for me, though. As the oldest member of PH, it falls to me to claim the title of Resident Curmudgeon. While I’m not quite at the level of You Damn Kids Get Off My Lawn, I feel like that sometimes. I’m just going to say: one of my favorite blogs is Things I Want To Punch In The Face.

Symptoms of a Man Cold include lying on the couch looking pathetic, whining about how much your throat hurts, and going to bed an hour before the puck drops. I’m recovering from a sinus infection and I still managed to stay up and drink two beers while watching Matt Cooke destroy Luongo’s will to live.

This is the new picture to represent my husband, as Mullet Jagrhusband is dead to me

2. Slutty Halloween costumes.

I hate how overhyped Halloween has become, these days, but costumes like Sexy George Washington and Sexy Watermelon really turn the rage on full-bore.

You thought I was joking. I would never joke about something as serious as Sexy Watermelon.

3. The guy who takes fantasy hockey WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.

I am basically terrible at all things related to fantasy hockey. This is mostly because I only pick guys that I like, as opposed to guys who are actually good.

You know I’m right

For example: I am currently rocking a solid -25 points in Extra Attacker. Because I am the shit.

Last year, I played Yahoo’s fantasy hockey with one of my co-workers. I think I did one trade all year, and that was for Mark Letestu, right before he blew out his knee. Again: am genius.

I tend to follow a strategy that I call “root ‘em,” which consists of picking a team and then cheering for them the entire season. Said co-worker got mad and demanded that I actually, you know, actively manage my players. To which I say: “This is contrary to my whole strategy!”

However, not everything today is terrible. Hockey has begun again. And I’ll be recapping both of this weekend’s games for you.