Little pupper, your feeties look a wee bit dirty. Come with me and I will fill a basin with lovely warm water and sudses, and we will get you all cleaned up and you can have treats and then play with my kitties. Okay?

What’s wrong with offering to wash the puppeh’s tootsies? That’s against the law? Since when is puppeh foot bathing a crime? You and what army? I know you are but what am I? My brother can beat up your brothers!

skippymom — if it’s at all a consolation, I just wrote you back and the Big Green Moderayshun Machine ate-up my comment
like it was fresh guacamole. Come back later and hopefully my singing of “Please Release Me, leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
me goooooooooooooooooooooooo”

This is way out there, but here you go, Fird. Years ago when I was living on Cape Cod, there was an incident at a school in which someone was injured tripping over a plate of cookies that had been left in a stairwell. The matter actually made it into the court system, as I recall, and the case of the Injury Caused By Unattended Cookies was big news for weeks.
*realizes this story is completely irrelevant, wanders off humming tunelessly*

Also I particularly enjoyed your Use of Occasional (sp?) Upper Case Letters.

I hope that the individual who was so scarred (will that word trigger the Big Green Moderayshun Machine?) by the (spooky music here) Scary Cookies ….
eventually received counseling, therapy and fluffy pink pillows in his/ her rehabilitation.