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Thursday, 6 February 2014

cynicism alert

Being bored is bad for me. While some people become creative when they get bored, or think profoundly about life and the universe and all that, I turn bitchy and cynical.

In the context of my comfortable life (which I complain endlessly about) I haven't had a lot of exciting stuff going on lately.At the moment my life consists largely ofA) school work and revising which teachers seem to think I have an endless amount of time forB) listening to my friend complain about her sex life C) getting into passive aggressive conflict with various people and then bitching about it on the internetD) trying not to get fired from my jobNone of which are really LIFE AFFIRMING or GRATIFYING

Therefore down to a lack of time for creativity and a great deal of laziness, most of the fun I get out of life at the moment comes from 1) being sarcastic2) giving all my teachers bitchface until they look unnerved3) not removing eye makeup for that perfect I've-been-punched-in-both-eyes look4) playing minesweeper5) comparing myself to other people6) hating everyone younger and more successful than me

Basically, I have been wallowing quite satisfactorally in a sea of negativity and self-pity which other people would find despair inducing, but which I find relaxing. It's kind of my default setting, inwardly hating everyone and everything, to the extent that when I experience someone or something which makes me feel otherwise I panic. I can't cope with wanting people to like me, or having my feelings hurt and when I can't brush things off with my normal excuse of 'other people are idiots', I feel confused. When I'm falling behind with school work, or having some kind of emotional struggle I almost become a nicer person, becuase I care more about other people, and whether or not they like me.

a disjointed collection of thoughts and emotions in a nice shirt. enjoys cheesecake, photos of rabbits, feminism, eerie music and pretending the future doesn't exist. feel free to agree/ disagree/ scream at anything I write on this blog. also you can write me love poems or tell me about your pets at flossa44@gmail.com