Friendship is Magic, or This Brony thing, is a sex thing isn't it?

by geekkink

I make custom BDSM, toys for a living, and My Little Pony ones are some of my highest requested items, True Story. I, like most people, assumed the whole Brony Culture was a sex thing, and my experiences pretty much prove me right. However, I've been on this whole internet deal a long time now so I know, maybe I'm just seeing the worst side of things, as is known to happen. Follow me on a journey as I discover how to be a Brony.

"All the ponies in this town are CRAZY!"

— Twilight Sparkle

No one is ever going to believe me....

For the work I do, it's actually really important to understand the little details about the items people ask for. When a client asks me to make a crop that looks like the Tenth Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver, I can't just plug that into Google (Bing in my case, I'll respond to all your angry comments below) and call it good. I have to watch episodes and pick up little bits and pieces as I can, things change, which are important to know. Is there a small scratch, does the paint chip in places? I honestly need to know these things. So when clients started asking me for paddles with cutie marks,(the emblems on the ponies butts) painted on them, I had to do some research, and honestly... typing in a ponies name into an image search engine results in porn, really fast. In all fairness, I don't believe in turning safe search on, so that's my own damn fault. So, for very obvious reasons, I thought the whole grown men watching this show was some sorta weird sex thing, like everything on the internet. I just accepted that, I watched a few episodes on youtube, enough to have a good enough idea of the characters personalities were and I was happy with that, research done. I was a bit stumped on another SexIs article to come up with. One of my articles had hit number one in the Pop Spot, (here) and I noticed folks seem to prefer my sillier articles. So I wrote another very serious article, and now I am writing my silly one.

But, for anyone who follows my articles, you know I can't write anything without backing it up with some sort of facts, data and statistics, that is just how I do things, so for the past few days, I have been researching My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic and Brony culture... and sadly... a whole lot of pony porn. So grab something hard to drink, (I've been using scotch) or if you’re a Brony, a tall frosty mug of cider, as I explain the surprising, and sometimes dark side of what I have discovered about Brony Culture.

"So... it's all about creepy pony sex right, right?"

Look, I'm not going to lie to you, as much as I may want too, a silly little flash animated cartoon, and reboot of the old My Little Pony franchise has brought about a lot of porn. A lot. The website Rule34.paheal.net (link option not provided to save your eyes and sanity) was started based on rule 34 of the internet: whatever it is, there is porn of it, no exceptions. Currently as of writing this article, there are 16,893 images dedicated to My Little Pony alone. So yeah, a certain amount of this is a sex thing.
As I mentioned earlier, I make paddles for spanking grown adults that have the cutie marks on them. There was also a huge mess about a person making a pony themed toy you could have sex with, which was featured on link As well as Hasbro blocking "art" websites, like hentaifoundry.com from allowing pony names and the show name itself from being searched. So yeah, the creepy sex thing is there, and... that's the internet folks. Eden sells a Fleshlight designed to look like a vagina from one of the cat people aliens from Avatar, the Na'vi. Rule 34, there is porn of it, no exceptions. This doesn't really surprise me, and honestly if you've been on the internet long enough it shouldn't surprise you either. 4chan.org has an entire section dedicated to My Little Pony,4chan.org which appears in the news from time to time, often with hilarious results. You'd be surprised how little of the /pony/ section of that website is not dedicated to porn. So yeah, a surprisingly large amount of this is about sex, which is exactly what I thought, and exactly what I expected. I have watched about fifteen episodes of the series, which is all that you are going to get out of me on this; none of the episodes seem to have anything to do with hardcore sex. Still, I am a man, and an idiot, maybe I'm not getting the clues, but nothing really seems to be sexual about this, other than the ponies blushing when seen in bed, or the shower even though they are naked all the time... whatever. There also seems to be a large focus on the pony’s butts.

But no, it seems to just be retelling of old stories you've already heard a billion times, re-branded with a positive and modern message. This episode for instance, is clearly just the story of John Henry vs. the Steam Drill, and instead of heart and determination trumps machine, it's the hearts and determination of friends trumps machine, and nothing about sex at all. So I think, like most things on the internet, a few weirdoes ruin it for everyone. Not to mention that when I was a kid the Baroness from G.I Joe was really sexy, and even my father agreed, of course she was... a woman... and not a horse... but you know it's the two thousands I guess.

Yeah baby, Hail Cobra all night long...

"Yeah your clearly the person to judge." -Random Internet Person

You're right, person who argues with me in all my articles, I'm clearly not the person to judge. The Brony Culture isn't just a sex thing, "But, Allen you just told us about all the creepy sex stuff?" Indeed that was all the creepy sex stuff I found when I was looking for creepy sex stuff, if you type Bea Arthur porn into Google, you'll find it, that's the internet, you don't search for gold in a manure pile. When I actually started researching about Brony culture, what I found were the really interesting things. I will likely never be a Brony because I am a jaded asshole, and I pretty much refuse to accept anything commercial. The basic message of this whole show is love and tolerance.

That is something I can get behind and I think most people could as well. "But Allen it's a show for little girls! Grown men are watching it; it has to be some sorta pedophile thing." Really? Really? Twilight and Harry Potter were aimed at teens, yet grown women watch that, hell they obsess over it. People have this ability to always assume the worst. So, I'd like to name a few famous Bronies, before I go into detail about why some of the people actually watch this show. There’s Andrew W.K. the "Let’s Get a Party Started" Guy, Former President Bill Clinton, Gabe Newell, owner and C.E.O of Valve and many others. Barack Obama has stated he watches the show with his two little girls, when he's not busy with a million other things. So some Bronies are very successful, and totally not pedophiles at all, all types of people watch this show. One of the most interesting things I came across in my travels of discovering Brony Culture was this article. That article is about members of the military serving in Iraq, willingly calling themselves Bronies, and likely dealing with all the ribbing it causes. They even wear cutie marks, on their uniforms. Personally, I'd say that really throws that whole, wussy Bronies mentality on its ear doesn't it?

"Okay, okay it's not all a creepy sex thing, how did it start then?" Simple: the internet and hipsters, the two things that ruin most things. Hipsters, which are people who think doing things to be ironic makes them cool, started watching the show because, "hey I'm watching a show for little girls, it's ironic." Much like Alanis Morissette, I don't think they know what irony actually means. However the show, like many cartoons these days, is designed to be watched by kids, and their parents, which is a good thing. So, there are several jokes and references slipped in that kids would never get. Not sex humor, just references to mature movies, like the Big Lebowski, or 2001 a Space Odyssey. The people watching this show for irony's sake found they actually enjoyed it. Hasbro, and Lauren Faust, the writer and producer of the show never expected to have the younger mostly male fan base it got, which by no means makes up the largest percentage of the fan base mind you. This causes what psychologists, and sociologists, like myself, call "neo-sincerity," meaning that it was intended originally to be ironic, but is now watched, or enjoyed honestly. That is how one becomes a Brony. Several Ph.d's who study these things have concluded there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with these Brony folks. "Psychologically and Developmentally Normal," says Dr. Bill Ellis, which means not pedophiles, not mentally handicapped, just fans of something non-majoritarian. Being a Brony is no more different that liking football, or some other sport. Many fans get together and watch episodes, just like people watch the game on Sunday.

"But, all the sex stuff you mentioned earlier... it's still a sex thing right?" Some of it is, but not most of it. I doubt you've ever looked for football porn? Try it sometime that might surprise you too.

Actually no, never look for that, the internet is a horrible place with safe search off, never ever willingly search for football porn.