In a local newspaper in Provo, Utah, there had been an ongoing series of articles written by individuals who wanted to persuade LDS Church members to leave the Church. In response to the highly critical remarks, a local member wrote this rebuttal.

Dear Editor:
I have been thinking of quitting the Mormon Church. Yes, if I can, I am going to get even with that church. As soon as I can find another church that teaches about

the meaning of life;

the purpose of death, suffering and pain;

the absolute need for a Redeemer;

the complete explanation of why Jesus of Nazareth had to have a mortal mother but not a mortal father;

the marvelous plan conceived and executed by Jesus Christ the Savior;

why salvation is assured for children who die before eight years of age;

the explanation of the three degrees of glory (three heavens) as mentioned by Paul;

the Gathering of the House of Israel;

the return of the Ten Tribes and their mission;

the return of the Jews to Palestine, and why and how they are going to build the temple;

the building of temples and what to do with them;

the mission of Elias, the prophet, as predicted by Malachi;

the method for the salvation of the people who died at the time of Noah, in the flood;

the belief in eternal marriage and family, and the knowledge and the place to perform sealings for eternity;

the complete explanation of why Elias and Moses did not die but had to be translated (since they both lived before the resurrection was introduced by Christ);

the restoration of the gospel by modern revelation as promised by Peter and Paul, and Jesus himself;

abstinence from all harmful drugs and foods;

and another church that sells a better fire insurance policy on earth for the last days, for only a 10th of my income.

Yes sir, as soon as I can find another church that teaches all that, or even half as much, I will say good-bye to this Mormon Church.

The church that I am looking for must also be able:

to motivate 50,000 youth, and adults, for the first, second or third time, to leave their homes for two years at their own expense and go to far-away places to teach and preach without salary;

to call, on a frosty day, some 5 or 6 thousand professors, students, lawyers, doctors, judges, policemen, businessmen, housewives and children to go and pick apples at 6 a.m.

Yes, Mr. Editor, could you help me find a church that teaches all that, and more than hundreds of other doctrines and principles which I have no room to mention here, but which also bring solace and comfort to the soul, as well as peace, hope and salvation to mankind, and which answer the key questions that all the great philosophers have asked.

Yes, as soon as I find another church that teaches all this and also that has the organization and the power to make those teachings effective, I am going to quit the Mormon Church.

There have been certain things in that church which I canít tolerate. Don't you think, Mr. Editor, that the Divine Church should have prophets that don't get sick, and don't get old and die, and certainly, that don't make a goof here and there?

Yes, sir. A Divine Church should be so divine that only perfect people belong to it, and by all means, only perfect people should run it. As a matter of fact, the Church ought to be so perfect that it should not even be here on earth!

So, I repeat, if any one of the kind readers of this imperfect letter knows about another church that teaches and does as much for mankind as the Mormon Church, please let me know. And please do it soon, because my turn to go to the cannery is coming up.

Also, "they" want my last son - the fifth one - to go away for two years, and again, I have to pay for all that. And I also know that they expect me to go to the farm to prune trees, and I have heard that our ward is going to be divided again, and it is our side that must build the new chapel. And also, someone the other day had the gall of suggesting that my wife and I get ready to go on a second mission, and when we come back, they said, we can volunteer as temple workers.

Boy, these Mormons don't leave you alone for a minute.

And what do I get for all that, I asked? "Well," they said, "for one, you can look forward to a funeral service at no charge!"