Fuckin' Emma Stone. So good at her job and so nice and cute. So funny! So getting to make out with Ryan Gosling that one time. What a dick. JK, I love her. (Dick.)

"I can still remember the first time I auditioned with Ryan for Crazy, Stupid, Love," Stone said. "My friends took me to the airport that night and when they asked me what I'd been doing all day, and I said that I'd been writhing around all over Ryan Gosling's bed, they were like, ‘Right! Get on that plane!' I guess that is pretty weird to hear."

You know how Kate Middleton's parents run a party supply company? Yes. Well, apparently Mother Middleton has begun selling a line of royal-baby-themed items to commemorate the time a prince put his sperms up her fancy daughter. The Brits are not pleased:

"It is tacky, tasteless and vulgar - and from what I know of William and Kate, I would expect them to be highly embarrassed," Michael Thornton wrote about the miniature castles, plates for 'A New Little Princess' and 'A New Little Prince,' and other royal baby-themed products.

"It would appear the arrival of their first grandchild has been seen by Kate's parents as a marvellous business opportunity.

"Let me be frank: this money-making ploy on the part of the already wealthy Middletons brings a shudder of distaste and unease to all those who admire their royal daughter."

Oh, shut up you old bag. How many princesses have YOU given birth to? Let the royal grandma do what she wants. [Radar]

Apparently Patrick Dempsey has been "visiting Tully's shops today in Seattle," after purchasing the bankrupt coffee chain at auction this week. Ummm, could someone please throw Patrick Dempsey in a time machine and send him to the Wallingford Tully's seven years ago? Because past-me is there doing some data entry for the theater calendar and I bet she could use a hug. [Deadline]

I'm not going to scroll past the headline of this article, because I've only watched season one of Downton Abbey, but apparently Hugh Bonneville says the show "'Lost Its Identity' in Season Two." Yeah, because that DICKHEAD UNDER-BUTLER PROBABLY STOLE IT. [Us]