Three People That Should Have Kept Their Mouth Shut

I really wanted to title this something more angry, (Three People That Should Be Shot Into the Sun was a frontrunner,) but I took a step back and tried to remember that one of the reasons I love my country so much is that we are all protected by the First Amendment and everyone is entitled to their opinion. No matter how much someone’s opinion makes me want to kick them in the shins, no matter how much I disagree, no matter how fucking wrong and ignorant they are, no matter how much they make me fear for humanity – they are entitled to their opinion. That being said? These people might want to reconsider theirs.

For the full perspective, please read the full article. It needs to be noted that the school itself, including its principal and administrators, are NOT in favor of this joke of a prom and instead welcome all students, regardless of sexual preference, to the actual dance and are not budging on the issue. This “Traditional Prom,” which would only include male/female couples and would ban homosexuals, has been developed by a select group of students, parents, and this fabulous teacher that everyone would obviously want to have. And by “everyone would want to have,” I mean OH SWEET BABY JESUS I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS WOMAN IS AN EDUCATOR. Ms. Medley has certainly come under the most fire for her comments, and I would almost feel sorry for her if she wasn’t such an idiot. In an interview, Ms. Medley compared her LGBT students to her special needs students, that she “cares” about her homosexual students despite not believing in homosexuality, and my personal favorite, responded “No,” to a question regarding whether homosexuals have a purpose.

Really? Are we not in 2013? I mean, I’m not a moron. I realize that we have a long way to go before there’s true equality and so on and so forth. But the fact that this woman, who is a teacher, who should be a CHAMPION of those that society shuns, can say with a straight face that she cares about all of her students while actively judging them astounds me. How much would you like to bet she also has strong opinions about her black students, about her overweight kids, about her goth kids, about her artistic students? I mean, she certainly SEEMS well rounded and not at all condescending, but – oh wait, no she doesn’t.

Despite a deep-seated love for both Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy, I haven’t yet seen “Identity Thief.” The movie itself might suck, I don’t know. But Mr. Reed’s comments about Melissa McCarthy are, in short, disgusting. The review seems to be an almost personal, vitriolic assault on McCarthy, calling her, “tractor-sized,” “a hippo,” and “obnoxious and obese.” I’m going to skip over the obvious, which could include things like, “Rex Reed is a complete dickhead,” “Rex Reed needs a fucking full-length mirror if he’s going to throw stones at people about their looks,” and “The females in Rex Reed’s life are probably super proud of him.” Instead, I say for one, I surely hope the fabulous Melissa is laughing all the way to the bank, as the movie was the highest-grossing yet this year and she has that whole Golden Globe/Oscar thing to fall back on. Two? I’m glad that the response has been overwhelmingly negative towards this narrow minded prick. I hope that the lesson that comes out of this is that, regardless of size, if you are awesome at what you do and work hard at it, you will be embraced in a positive manner and hopefully rewarded. I hope the other lesson is that if you’re a mean-spirited jerkface, people will eventually stop liking you. You’re losing the internet, Rex Reed.

So Pastor Alois Bell of the Almighty Church of Jerks that Shouldn’t Go Out To Eat, during a trip Applebees a few weeks ago, thought that if their large party split their check, they could sneak around the mandatory 18% gratuity on large parties. This is a common tactic among people that suck at going out to dinner, and as a former waitress is one of the several things that made me want to take a hostage after several hours of fetching water for a party of ten. Her waitress for the evening was not fooled by the ruse and added the 18% gratuity anyhow. Pastor Bell wasn’t having it, and scratched out the TWENTY NINE CENT tip, scribbling “I give God 10%, why do you get 18?”

Well, Ms. Bell, let me tell you. Because I? Have been running around like a fucking maid for you for the past two hours. I am in the position of depending on high and mighty jerks like you to pay for my rent and groceries. Which is why I ran around like a maid for you for the past two hours. I took all of your orders, I brought your drinks, I remembered who wanted medium and who wanted rare, I kept your glasses filled, I cleared your plates, I walked each and every person in your party through the menu because IT’S VERY CONFUSING, being Applebees and all, I explained your desserts, I found a vegan entree, I unearthed the special dipping sauce you like, I wiped up the sticky fucking mess the children in your party threw on the floor, I boxed up three bites of a cheeseburger for you to take home, I made fresh coffee because yours “tasted old,” I reheated your bread, and I split your fucking check eight different ways. And I did it all with a smile. For TWENTY NINE FUCKING CENTS. You know why? Because I take my job seriously, as demeaning and demoralizing as it can be. You can give God whatever you want, and bless you for it. But I’m pretty sure He would want you to give your waitress TWENTY NINE CENTS for waiting on you hand and foot all night. Also? If this is truly your belief, why are you angry and embarrassed about it now that someone other than your lowly waitress is aware of it?

***Edited: It appears I was incorrect in the tip amount; it was actually $6.29. Point remains the same.***

In short – yes, everyone’s entitled to their opinion and beliefs. And yes, I recognize the irony of writing an opinion piece on other people’s opinions. To quote one of my favorite movies ever, “Opinions are like assholes, honey. Everybody’s got one and everybody thinks everybody else’s stinks.”