Prospectus Hit List for April 11

Hit List for April 10
Hit List for April 12Hit List updates are published Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, starting April 2, 2014. Data presented here is based on games through the day prior to publication.Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

8

1

7.4

5.6

5.3

.621

.602

31.5%

26.6%

58.1%

1.2%

12.8%

Are the Braves the best team in baseball? [checks Magic 8-ball] It says, “Don’t ask such silly questions just 10 days into the season.”

2

7

2

6.8

6.2

5.9

.617

.636

21.1%

25.3%

46.3%

6.1%

19.8%

Okay, get your pool sheets together, people. If you had Josh Donaldson as the leader in grounding into double plays with five on April 11 you win! Also you have a severe gambling problem!

3

6

3

6.2

5.1

5.1

.545

.565

10.0%

10.8%

20.8%

2.9%

9.9%

The Royals are in first place? Wow! That hasn’t happened since [checks calendar] yesterday? Okay, right, but before that, not since [checks calendar] Tuesday? Fine, you know what I mean!

4

6

3

5.9

6.3

5.9

.596

.577

20.8%

29.2%

50.0%

3.0%

5.0%

A.J. Pollock homered twice. He hit three homers in 471 plate appearances last year, in the friggin Pacific Coast League.

5

6

3

4.8

6.0

6.3

.580

.560

18.8%

26.1%

44.8%

3.1%

4.3%

Eventually Buster Posey won’t be allowed to catch any of the Giants starters. Imagine how good he’d be if he never played!

6

6

2

3.7

4.1

4.2

.549

.529

46.9%

17.9%

64.8%

1.6%

0.3%

Trivia! Which is bigger: Dan Haren’s ERA or the Gross Domestic Product of Tunisia? Answer: Tunisia. It just feels like Haren’s ERA is in the billions.

7

6

3

5.7

6.6

6.6

.622

.640

44.8%

22.2%

67.0%

-2.9%

5.1%

Do you ever think that Michael Young and Josh Hamilton just sit around on their money beds in their money huts (behind their money mansions and next to their money pools) order a money pizza from their iMoneys, and just laugh?

8

5

3

4.3

6.5

6.2

.633

.614

57.8%

23.9%

81.7%

4.1%

7.2%

Carl Crawford homered and tripled. I’ll pause to let the gravity of that sink in. … No, you’re going to need more time. Actually, you know what? I’ll just check back in tomorrow.

9

5

4

5.6

5.5

5.0

.538

.518

11.4%

12.4%

23.8%

-3.7%

-7.2%

The worst part about April is that the Mets haven’t become atrocious enough to make fun of yet. How long does a guy have to wait for someone to injure themselves brushing their teeth? Can someone please trip over their own feet and accidentally swallow the ball? Let’s get going, people!

10

5

4

5.1

5.2

4.4

.492

.472

1.0%

3.7%

4.7%

-1.8%

-1.2%

The Rockies scored nothing off of Barry Zito, who didn’t break 86 mph once in 108 pitches. Trade Tulowitzki!

11

5

4

5.6

5.3

5.3

.574

.554

61.5%

12.1%

73.6%

-6.3%

-0.3%

Joey Votto No Home Run Watch: 43 plate appearances now. Jay Bruce dressed up like Sherlock Holmes to find the missing homers but he was outdone by Bronson Arroyo who paid Benedict Cumberbatch to show up and snoop around the clubhouse and yes this whole comment was a reason to write Benedict Cumberbatch.

12

5

3

5.6

5.2

5.2

.589

.609

20.6%

22.8%

43.4%

-6.9%

-1.3%

What is it about men with beards that they can’t hold ninth inning leads? Why do teams employ them? Why don’t they shave? One of those mysteries of the universe.

13

5

4

6.1

4.3

4.8

.534

.514

19.1%

14.0%

33.1%

2.2%

5.1%

The Cardinals hit three homers off of Homer Bailey and here is a space for a joke that I’m certain nobody has ever made before.

14

4

4

3.9

3.8

3.7

.477

.497

7.6%

7.6%

15.1%

-2.3%

-5.5%

There’s no shame in giving up homers to Bryce Harper. The only shame is if the ball travels around the earth and then hits the pitcher in the back of the head. That didn’t happen to Gavin Floyd though. Not quite.

15

4

4

4.7

5.3

5.3

.530

.550

2.6%

4.8%

7.4%

1.4%

0.5%

Machado’s homer was the hit that won it for Baltimore, but before that there was some bad pitch framing, a few missed strike calls, and some bad defense. It takes a village.

16

4

4

3.9

4.6

4.5

.548

.568

68.3%

9.8%

78.1%

-0.6%

1.1%

If only the Tigers could just keep batting Austin Jackson, Torii Hunter, Miguel Cabrera, and Prince Fielder over and over. Maybe the Tigers ticket to the postseason is as simple as four pairs of Groucho glasses.

17

4

5

3.2

2.5

2.8

.442

.462

20.1%

18.1%

38.2%

3.8%

-5.6%

Matt Moore was unhittable, partially because he was really good and partially because his pitches weren’t close enough to the plate to hit.

18

4

5

3.9

4.7

5.0

.444

.464

0.5%

0.7%

1.2%

-0.5%

-0.2%

The Twins have two stolen bases and have been caught five times BECAUSE THEY’RE MAKING IT HAPPEN, OK?

19

4

5

3.4

3.5

3.7

.451

.432

9.8%

12.4%

22.2%

0.1%

-3.5%

How many starts will the Phillies give Roy Halladay to sort himself out? As many as he likes as long as he uses the mound behind that trailer over there. Also, take that Phillies shirt off. Thanks.

20

4

6

3.8

3.6

3.6

.430

.450

4.3%

6.9%

11.2%

-1.9%

-8.6%

If the Mariners can’t win this year with their fences in, maybe they should try moving them into the shape of a puppy. It probably wouldn’t help their homer output but puppies are pretty cute.

21

4

4

4.8

4.3

4.4

.554

.574

46.2%

18.2%

64.4%

1.5%

7.8%

Other teams are studying the Yankees closely this season. Said a source, “If they can win with old, lousy players, well, put it this way, Michael Lewis may just have the topic for his next book.”

22

3

6

3.6

3.2

3.9

.384

.403

0.0%

0.1%

0.1%

-0.1%

-0.1%

In 22 plate appearances, Brett Wallace has struck out 17 times. That means the only thing separating you from a major-league first baseman is five plate appearances.

23

3

5

2.7

2.4

2.4

.424

.443

10.5%

12.5%

23.0%

3.1%

-0.5%

The Blue Jays came back from down five runs to win, causing Torontonians everywhere to look up from their hockey and mutter, “…about time,” before going back to their hockey. In fairness the playoffs are about to start in about a month or something.

24

3

5

2.8

3.4

3.1

.439

.459

13.6%

11.3%

24.9%

0.9%

-9.5%

Considering the way the last two games went for the Indians, it wouldn’t shock me to learn last night’s rain-out was because Tom Berenger turned the sprinklers on at 3 a.m.

25

3

5

3.0

2.7

2.5

.415

.395

7.4%

5.6%

13.0%

1.3%

-3.7%

The Cubs lead baseball in hit batsmen. If you won’t remember the Cubs because they just beat you, you’ll remember them every time you see that huge bruise on your buttocks.

26

3

6

2.8

1.3

1.5

.366

.348

7.1%

6.9%

14.0%

-2.4%

-7.2%

The Pirates hitting .153/.230/.218 should be as expected as Bruce Willis eventually staring in Dier Harderer: Dier Hardingeringer.

27

2

6

2.0

1.8

2.2

.359

.341

1.5%

3.8%

5.4%

-1.9%

-2.7%

The Padres have hit three home runs. You laugh but if they’d moved the fences out instead of in, it might have been two.

28

2

6

2.4

2.5

2.7

.391

.372

4.8%

4.8%

9.6%

-0.2%

-6.8%

“It’s Brewer’s Happy Time, the show where we tell you all the great things that are going on with the Brewers right now! Thanks for watching, have a great week!”

29

2

6

2.9

4.1

4.4

.491

.511

29.8%

28.9%

58.7%

-4.4%

-12.8%

That’s the thing about baseball. In one game Pujols, Hamilton, Trout, and Trumbo can get beat by Moss, Crisp, and Seth Smith. Oh wait, that happened last year too.

30

1

8

1.6

3.0

3.3

.337

.319

0.3%

0.7%

1.0%

-0.3%

-2.1%

The Marlins have played nine games. They’ve failed to score a run in four of them.

"Victor? Hi, yeah, it's Dave. You know how we applauded your efforts to rehab and stay in shape when you were out all last year? Forget that - new plan. You like to eat, right? How long do you think it will take you to eat enough to look somewhat like Prince? Hello? Victor?