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Friday, July 31, 2009

Week 38 tummy

I'm not sure why, in this photo, I'm looking up at Nick with what I read as awe, confusion, and perhaps even reverence.

Although he would say, "As it should be."

I have things to say on perspective, but those are for another day.

So this week the boy is suddenly even more enormous. He kicks, he pushes, he makes it clear that he needs moremoremore room!

Everything is just squeezed to maximum capacity. Even with all the belly stuff I'm slathering on, my tummy just burns, inside and out, it's so stretched. I was considering taking a picture of the area formerly known as my belly button, just to gross you all out.

But then I thought the better of it.

It really is gross. I do still have the temptation to share the horror.

In a positive, the boy does this really funny thing where it feels like he's cycling his legs. I get this very fast, swirly movement that feels like leglegleglegleg! Gogogogogogogo!

It makes me giggle.

But I have firmly hit the point of I. Cannot. Do. This. One. More. Fucking. Minute. I said as much, without the F-word, to my OB.

Usually he asks how I am and I'm all smiley and fine. And he's all, you're doing great, fine! And it's all very pleasant.

This time, when he asked, I nearly grabbed him by his white coat and said through clenched teeth, "Out! I need him out! I don't care if you have to take him through my ear!"

But I somehow restrained myself and instead gave him the litany of complaints - no sleep, hips hurt, can't breathe, etc.

Which of course he said were normal for a pregnant woman.

He said clearly the baby is full-term, and we'll induce on the 14th if he doesn't come before. But he'll come before that.

I wanted to make him pinky-swear to it. But again, restrained myself.

So this morning I am off to the cardiologist for a follow-up. Begrudgingly and only because my husband said that he'd really, really like me to keep the appointment.

Even though all they are going to say is, yep! Still normal! Good luck with all that baby business! Thanks for the gazillion dollars in insurance money!

But if it were Nick, particularly if he currently constituted the rest of our entire nuclear family, I'd ask him to go as well.

So I'm off to have my normalcy confirmed (you'd think, after all these years of wondering why I'm so not normal, I'd be delighted to have so many people tell me how damn normal I am).

Please don't offer to have the baby come out of your ear. As you know, boys are very literal and he'll think this is a good option. He will crush everything in his path like a little Godzilla, and you'll wonder why you offered him that option.

I'm glad you refrained from the lapel-grabbing, but I'd totally have gone for the pinky-swear, because that would have been hilarious. Can you imagine what the conversation in the lounge would have been later?

"No, I'm not kidding, she actually made me pinky-swear"

Because, hippocratic oath or no, sometimes you just have to make sure...

Miss Dallas - I know! It's kind of extraordinary, and I really appreciate that so many of you have stuck with me!

As for the tummy - I've used, depending on the day, Burt's Bees Belly Butter - which I only sort of like, as I don't know that it absorbs all that well, this yummy-smelling shea butter called Lulu Life that Betty got at Whole Foods, and Palmer's stomach cream or stretch mark cream or whatever it's called. That one is ubiquitous, and while I feel like it does a nice job, I'm not a big fan of the smell.

Did you imagine I'd have so much to say about this?!

cla517 - I'm still not dilated. And it's true, I know, and maybe if it gets closer to the 14 and I feel like I can wait it out, I'll cancel. But I want it scheduled, in case I really really can't bear it.

Girl With Curious Hair - You make a very good point. I'm so glad I didn't present it out loud as an actual option.

And I feel ready to pop, I do.

Marie - You are probably right. They probably do have super-preg patients who grab them and beg on a regular basis.

And it's not super gross unless I squish it in a particular way, which I am wont to do. Nick finds it upsetting.

Hillary - Here's hoping! Everyone thinks he will, particularly because I've kept up exercising and am pretty fit, and apparently that helps babies come out?! But then, first babies are usually late. How to balance this?

Dagny - Yah, patience is a virtue neither of us have really cultivated, but one of us is a bit better at it than the other. You know, one of the things I've always appreciated about you is your self-restraint. :)

lacochran - Thank you for the crossed fingers. I certainly admire your dexterity!

notsojenny - I will definitely put a warning on it if I decide to post it...

Brian - When you put it that way, it makes me laugh out loud. Can you imagine?

Kate - I know! We've come so far! I appreciate that - I walk around acting like it's my absolute right, so it's nice to have someone condoning it. :)

FoggyDew - Damn, you were paying attention! I just couldn't haul it home from the office yesterday. I know it's only a bow, but it is BIG and made of heavy ribbon! And I was so tired!