We all know life's like a boat, it isn't smooth sailing all the time. We've had our rough times, some rougher than others, but we still managed to "sail" on. This blog is thus dedicated to the finer things in life, the smaller things that we tend to overlook due to our different focuses in life. The views expressed are solely personal and I apologise for any offences they might incur.

I'm just... empty. There's this emptiness inside of me that I don't think will ever be filled up.

Perhaps I was blind before, for believing my eyes were opened to the hidden beauties of life. Perhaps I was blind before, for believing that love transcends everything. Perhaps I was blind before, for believing that I will never be alone again. I've thought wrong. I've always thought wrong.

The irony in life. A word in the "ban list" of 2012 for being misused and abused one too many times. Irony.

Murphy's law states that what can go wrong will go wrong. But his law doesnt address why when something goes wrong, everything else goes wrong. I mean, it everything else goes wrong, then it's "right". But if what can go wrong will go wrong, then it should be wrong, right, wrong, right, right, wrong, wrong, in no particular order or pattern. But no, Murphy's law is only superficial. It only scraps the tip of the ice berg.

It's like saying, the grass is greener on the other side. The sentence indirectly states and "promises" a negative outcome. So, the grass is always greener on the other side? Or is it really? If you go over to the other side, and it is, then the sentence doesnt make sense, because the now "other side" where you once came from, isn't greener. But if the grass isn't greener on the other side, then the sentence itself doesn't make sense. Either outcomes results in a lose lose situation.

My life kinda feels like that right now. A seemingly positive statement, a seemingly positive outcome, yet, I know deep down inside, the outcomes will always be negative. A positive outcome which comes after will only result in yet another negative outcome. I'm bitter, I'm despressed, I'm empty, I'm... numb.

The funny thing is, I don't even know if being numb, is even a good thing? Does it mean that I'm strong? Since I can be so numb to sadness and despair? Or does it mean that I'm weak, since I cannot be happy from the sadness?

I've always thought that what cannot kill me, will only make me stronger. I've always thought that once you reach the bottom, the only way you can go is, up. I've always thought that when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I've thought wrong. I've always thought wrong.

Truth is, if one ever reaches ultimate despair, it doesn't even kill you. You're just too tired to be "killed". You just... become... numb... zombified, robotified. Does that mean, that, I'm stronger?

When I've reached the bottom, I realised there's actually another way down. An alternative route. Does that mean I've found an alternative path? A path of "englightenment?" or endarkenment? If the new routes you find keeps leading you down, does that mean I haven't reached the bottom? Or does that mean no one else has ever reached the bottom before, to claim such a fallacious statement?

When the going gets tough, and where everyone else struggles to keep up, I stop, zombified, robotified, inching forward, walking lifelessly, aimlessly, and blindly following the path, does that make me tougher than the others who's desperate trying to keep up? Are they stronger? Or weaker because they don't wanna be left behind, are afraid of how people will look at them and just wants to conform with the majority? Does stopping, make me weaker than the rest? Or tougher than the rest?

Perhaps I was blind before, for believing my eyes were opened to the hidden beauties of life. Perhaps I was blind before, for believing that love transcends everything. Perhaps I was blind before, for believing that I will never be alone again. I've thought wrong. I've always thought wrong.

What if, my whole life was a lie? If I thought I was actually more "open-minded" than everyone else because I stop to look at or find the hidden beauties of life? What if, all these while, I'm just being delusional? What if beauty doesn't exist? What if love isn't the one that blinds? What if beauty is the true reason for keeping your eyes shut all these while?

What if one day you realises that love is not even close to the top 3 most important things in your life? Seemingly thinking that it was ur top priority your whole life? What if, your whole life was a lie? Love transcends everything? What a load of bull. Money? Hormones? Stuff which are uncontrollable, are the true elements which transcends everything, they are the true rulers of your life.

What if you thought friends, family and your loved ones would fill up the hole in your heart? And doesn't? Then what happens after? What do you look for? What can make you less lonely? What can make you more complete? Hobbies? Work? Porn? What really fills emptiness?

What did "emptiness" used to be filled with? How could you fill up the emptiness which was never filled in the first place. In that emptiness you once thought never existed, exist now because of what you have, because of what I have. Does that make what I have the cause of my emptiness? Or are my eyes more opened to the emptiness which once lingered?

In a twisted fairy tale of my own, I was once blind to the hidden emptiness which lingered inside. But now my eyes are opened. Thanks to everything that surrounds me with. But now that I have found "emptiness", I'm stronger, I'm much much stronger because I'm numb. I'm so numb, zombified, robotified, that I no longer feel. The whole world's a stage, or a movie.And we are merely actors. And I'm the farking lead zombie.

I'm sick of people throwing shit at me and putting me in shit. I'm sick of how another human being is so easily corrupted with money, power, status and authority and abuses them. I'm sick of not being able to voice out to anyone or on any platform but to my new found friend, "emptiness". I'm sick of feeling hurt because I don't want to love you anymore, only to find myself hurting more than actually loving you.

But no, as depressing as this post seems, I'm not sick of living. In fact, I'm so numb, I'm just going to actually start living with numbness from now on. All that crap about being the difference, becoming the difference, gives false meaning in life. The true meaning in life, should be how to numb your way through life, so that at the end of the day (end of your life), you know that you have walked a thousand miles with the only friend you'll ever have... emptiness.