First up … who do you think will win in a fight — an alligator or a truck? Thanks to a video posted to YouTube by keet246, we have a definitive answer to today’s most pressing question. Watch the epic showdown in the video clip above.

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A Florida woman is arrested after an argument with her husband turns cannibalistic. Thirty-year-old Viven Palmer allegedly poured BBQ sauce on her husband and threatened to carve him up like a roaster chicken. As a result from the threat to skewer her hubby, WJAX-TV reports that Palmer faces charges of battery, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and resisting an officer. It’s a good thing cops arrived on the scene — Palmer’s husband could have been one wing short of a two-piece chicken wing dinner.

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Beware all of you wankers and monkey spankers.

According to an Islamic preacher, pleasuring yourself will cause your hands to be pregnant in the afterlife. Turkey’s Hürriyet Daily News reports that comments were made by televangelist Mücahid Cihad Han during a live TV broadcast after a man called his show saying he could not stop masturbating.

Check out all of the wild and crazy stories trending in this week’s news in the video clip above.