Monday, June 6, 2016

The Art of a Deal... Appendix II

The unauthorized biography of Donald Trump has become an ongoing project because that jackass won't drop dead despite my repeated pleas for him to do so. I'm now rethinking my decision to numerate the appendixes with Roman Numerals. They look all fancy and bookish, but I start getting confused after X, or 10. Roman Numerals are the second worst thing to come out of Rome. The first worst thing to come out of Rome is the cliché, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." That's really bad advice. What if I travel to Rome and run into a Roman murdering puppies? No one considers the needless slaughtering of puppies when they're doling out tired clichés.

Very recently, like yesterday, the undead jackass, Donald J. Trump, was giving another one of his eloquent speeches using his very good brain and words he knows. It had been a rough week for The Donnie. He had to fight non-stop allegations of racism just because he said a lot of racist shit. Trump deflected these charges of racism by doing something that can only be defined as racist. While giving this speech to a crowd of thousands and thousands of white people, The Donnie spotted a black guy. His first impulse was to shout, "Hey! Look, a black guy!" However, Donnie decided to take the advice of everyone on Earth and not act on his first impulse. Instead, he took a moment, thought it through and said this: "Look at my African-American over here. Look at him. Are you the greatest?"

Immediately following the speech, one of Trump's advisors informed him that the random black guy in the crowd was not the greatest African-American. In fact, another African-American had been known as The Greatest for over fifty years. In what can only be described as a one-two punch to Donnie's ego, he learned the African-American known as The Greatest was also a Muslim.

A few short hours later, Muhammad Ali died suddenly at the age of seventy-four following a long battle with Parkinson's Disease. It's been speculated in the following statement that Trump may have been involved in the untimely death of Muhammad Ali. We may never know for sure what pushed Donnie over the edge. All we know for certain is Muhammad Ali was prettier than Trump's African-American.