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Research paper example essay prompt: Domestic Violence - 1312 words

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.. it is, temporarily, until tension builds and
the cycle repeats itself. During the build up
phase, the victim knows all too well where the
verbal attacks are leading. She can see the dark
side coming. As the tension grows, the gradual
descent into hell begins, paved with sarcasm,
put-downs, insults, and humiliation about her
ability as a mother, a housekeeper, and a lover.
The woman, in a desperate attempt to avoid the
inevitable, usually goes into a survival mode.

She
swallows her own outrage and caters to her man's
every whim. She tries, at first, to avoid the
inevitable by pacifying him, making sure nothing
upsets him, doing little extra favours. It's
hopeless, and the fists fly, or an abrupt
backhander sends her reeling. And, sometimes,
sensing that it is unavoidable, she may even
provoke him, just to get it over with. During an
assault, the victim quickly realizes that escape
is futile.

She usually dissociates. Women describe
leaving their bodies with their mind. A
surrealistic state of calm may occur during which
the wife experiences the abuse like a slow-motion
movie. This may be coupled with a sense of
disbelief, a sense that the incident is not really
happening to her. After the violence, the victim's
reactions are similar to those who have
experienced a natural disaster.

These typically
involve emotional collapse within twenty-two to
forty-eight hours after the catastrophe and
symptoms of post-traumatic stress such as
listlessness, depression, and feelings of
helplessness. Victims tend to isolate themselves
for some time, in an attempt to heal and to avoid
the shame that accompanies having their injuries
detected by friends. Frequently, battering occurs
when assaultive men are inebriated, and they often
blame the violence on alcohol. In general,
assaultive men have very high alcohol use scores.
Alcoholic men experience depression and anxiety -
so-called dysphoric states. Alcohol is one of the
common ways they learn to suppress and blot out
these uncomfortable feelings.

So is anger. Since
these individuals experience the dysophoric
feelings as a function of their personalities, and
since alcohol is a disinhibitor - that is, it
relaxes one's inhibitions - what results is a
volatile combination of unhappy, angry men who
have lost all restraint. This puts them at an even
greater risk for violence. Alcohol and anger clear
out depression but unfortunately, they do so at
great cost to the drinker. Like alcoholics who
haven't confronted their addiction, batterers are
in denial, minimizing the seriousness and
frequency of their violence and their
responsibility for it.

It is a mistake to blame
alcohol for the violence. When people say, "The
alcohol made me do it," they're blaming one
symptom - violence - on another - alcohol. These
are both aspects of an abusive personality. So,
while there is an association between alcohol use
and violence, one does not cause the other. Both
are traced back to an earlier aspect of the self.
One's personality is formed much sooner than one
learns to use alcohol or to hit.

Children can be
hurt simply by seeing parental violence. The
parent uses criticism as a means of control, so no
matter what the child does, the parent will find
something to criticize. The child becomes an
outlet of frustration, a scapegoat for all that is
wrong with his parents. This is a corrupting way
for alcoholic parents to justify and ventilate
their own inadequacies. Sometimes when children
see abuse, they have nightmares and trouble
sleeping.

Little children and even older children
may wet the bed. Children may also have trouble in
school, even getting into fights with their
friends. Or, they may retreat into silence and
stop playing with their friends. Sometimes
children who are abused take out their anger on
pets and sometimes may even kill them. Sometimes
they become very passive and quiet and always seem
sad.

Abused children have confusing feelings. They
feel trapped and guilty that they may be
responsible for the violence. They also feel
ashamed that this is happening to them. At the
same time, many abused children feel loyal to
their parents. They want and need attention and
love, and they deserve it.

When the person who is
supposed to love them hurts them instead, they may
feel it is because they are bad. Abusive parents
are often very cold to their children. Some
children want attention from their parents so
badly that they confuse getting hit with getting
attention. An abused person feels like a hostage.
She feels afraid, alone, and trapped. When
children are abused, if someone comes to help
them, they may cling to the person who is hurting
them.

These children do not like being hurt, but
they want and need attention and love from their
parents. They think the parent who is hitting them
doesn't love them. They think they are hit because
they are bad, so they cling. In some cases, the
abused child unconsciously identifies with his
abusive parent. After all, the abuser looks
powerful and invulnerable.

Abused women may also
feel trapped. They may lack money or a safe place
to go, and they don't want to leave their
children. They may even be afraid to leave because
they think the abuser will find them and hurt them
worse. Today we know that there are many
non-violent ways to punish a child or to disagree
with adults. Violence is a choice people make.
Only the abuser is responsible for this choice,
and nothing a child or an adult victim does causes
abuse.

And, there is little a child can do to stop
or prevent abuse. That is why there are services
to protect and support victims of abuse. It is
against church laws to cause intentional harm to
any other person. Domestic violence hurts all
areas of the church. Violence against women breaks
the fifth commandment.

It is a sin, a crime, and a
serious social problem. The government is against
domestic violence. Common assault can be dealt
with either as a serious offence (called an
indictable offence) or as a less serious offence
(called a summary offence). The sentence may be a
fine, a jail term, a discharge or probation. It
depends on the seriousness of the assault.

The
judge may choose one or more of these penalties.
For example, the judge may fine the offender and
place him on probation. The offender will have a
criminal record. When child abuse is reported, a
child worker looks into it. If there is serious
danger, the child is removed from the home and
placed with a family that will keep him safe. When
the child is no longer in danger, the child worker
can help the family learn how to deal with its
problems in a better way.

Today, battered women
and children can seek help. They can live on
welfare or go to a shelter for abused women. These
shelters help each family start a new life where
their abuser cannot find them. The women and
children learn that abuse is not their fault and
about equal rights. The shelters help women find
jobs and safe places to live.

The children learn
to solve problems in ways that are not violent and
most important, they learn that not all men are
violent. In our society, strict ideas about how
boys and girls should behave can cause trouble.
This kind of thinking, about what is right for
boys and girls, is called "sexism". Today many
professional counsellors are trying to teach
people how to avoid this kind of thinking. They
can also help people to change their feelings
about the things that are right for boys and
girls. The more we learn about respecting the
rights and the independence of all others - boys,
girls, men, women, wives, husbands, children,
mothers, and fathers - the easier it will be to
keep family violence from happening.