And now, a bit of sad news to help you mourn your fading Sunday — some poor, anonymous soul at the BBC is allergic to bananas, a fact that has prompted fellow staffers implement a banana-ban in "specific areas of the newsroom."

Perhaps you're wondering, "Why the fuck am I reading about some banana-averse nobody at the BBC?" The answer should be quite clear — you're a generally empathetic human and you can't bear to see someone, even a stranger, miss out on such a serviceable, easy-to-eat fruit as the banana, or as Kirk Cameron sometimes refer to it, God's Yellow Penis. A spokesperson for the BBC explained that the banana-ban wasn't imposed by the top corporate bananas at the BBC — it was implemented by office drones who were concerned that peeling, mashing, slurping, or sword fighting with bananas near their banana-shy colleague would send that colleague to the hospital.