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When we last left our heroes, they had conquered all opponents in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, returned home to their newly refurbished living quarters in District 12, and fallen haplessly to the cannibalism of PTSD. And now we're back! Hitching our wagons once again to laconic Katniss Everdeen and her sweet-natured, just-for-the-camera boyfriend Peeta Mellark as they gear up for a second go at the Capitol's killing fields.
But hold your horses — there's a good hour and a half before we step back into the arena. However, the time spent with Katniss and Peeta before the announcement that they'll be competing again for the ceremonial Quarter Quell does not drag. In fact, it's got some of the film franchise's most interesting commentary about celebrity, reality television, and the media so far, well outweighing the merit of The Hunger Games' satire on the subject matter by having Katniss struggle with her responsibilities as Panem's idol. Does she abide by the command of status quo, delighting in the public's applause for her and keeping them complacently saturated with her smiles and curtsies? Or does Katniss hold three fingers high in opposition to the machine into which she has been thrown? It's a quarrel that the real Jennifer Lawrence would handle with a castigation of the media and a joke about sandwiches, or something... but her stakes are, admittedly, much lower. Harvey Weinstein isn't threatening to kill her secret boyfriend.
Through this chapter, Katniss also grapples with a more personal warfare: her devotion to Gale (despite her inability to commit to the idea of love) and her family, her complicated, moralistic affection for Peeta, her remorse over losing Rue, and her agonizing desire to flee the eye of the public and the Capitol. Oftentimes, Katniss' depression and guilty conscience transcends the bounds of sappy. Her soap opera scenes with a soot-covered Gale really push the limits, saved if only by the undeniable grace and charisma of star Lawrence at every step along the way of this film. So it's sappy, but never too sappy.
In fact, Catching Fire is a masterpiece of pushing limits as far as they'll extend before the point of diminishing returns. Director Francis Lawrence maintains an ambiance that lends to emotional investment but never imposes too much realism as to drip into territories of grit. All of Catching Fire lives in a dreamlike state, a stark contrast to Hunger Games' guttural, grimacing quality that robbed it of the life force Suzanne Collins pumped into her first novel.
Once we get to the thunderdome, our engines are effectively revved for the "fun part." Katniss, Peeta, and their array of allies and enemies traverse a nightmare course that seems perfectly suited for a videogame spin-off. At this point, we've spent just enough time with the secondary characters to grow a bit fond of them — deliberately obnoxious Finnick, jarringly provocative Johanna, offbeat geeks Beedee and Wiress — but not quite enough to dissolve the mystery surrounding any of them or their true intentions (which become more and more enigmatic as the film progresses). We only need adhere to Katniss and Peeta once tossed in the pit of doom that is the 75th Hunger Games arena, but finding real characters in the other tributes makes for a far more fun round of extreme manhunt.
But Catching Fire doesn't vie for anything particularly grand. It entertains and engages, having fun with and anchoring weight to its characters and circumstances, but stays within the expected confines of what a Hunger Games movie can be. It's a good one, but without shooting for succinctly interesting or surprising work with Katniss and her relationships or taking a stab at anything but the obvious in terms of sending up the militant tyrannical autocracy, it never even closes in on the possibility of being a great one.
3.5/5
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Witches of East End premiered to respectable ratings. A show about witchcraft on Lifetime makes you think of The Client List with spells instead of handies or a sorority of feelings, like Army Wives, with the occult. Instead, it’s looking a little too much like the popular series Charmed. Do the producers hope lightning strikes twice?
Charmed had notable B-list actresses fighting demons and being sisters in a red Victorian house in San Francisco. It lasted 198 episodes and became the longest running television series with all-female leads, until Desperate Housewives. Almost 15 years later to the day, Witches of East End premiered with Julia Ormond, Mrs. Channing Tatum and spritely Rachel Boston fighting evil magic in a red Victorian on Long Island.
The image of a creepily similar house keeps the ghost of Charmed alive. The similarities are staggering. People trapped in paintings, people that turn into cats, and witches in the dark about their birthright were all popular plot points in Season 1 of Charmed. Jason George as a sexy police detective echoes Dorian Gregory as a sexy cop. Hell, even the addition of former Buffy cast member Tom Lenk is similar. Quite a few actors from Buffy appeared on Charmed.
Even the four character archetypes mirror the '90s WB series. Ormond as family matriarch seems a lot like Shannen Doherty’s type-A character, Prue. Tatum’s ne’er-do-well, bed-hopping character of Freya is not unlike Phoebe (Alyssa Milano). Boston’s high-strung but well meaning Ingrid could be a carbon-copy of Piper (Holly Marie Combs). Finally, Mädchen Amick’s snarky, sarcastic sister channels Rose McGowan’s Paige Matthews.
Similarities aside, Witches of East End doesn’t need to make allusions to Charmed. The dialogue is funny, the cast chemistry is palatable and in the realm of magic anything is possible. Hopefully later episodes find a new take on the realm of magic. If not, they should just include a character with a voice like Butters from South Park that screams, "Charmed did it!" each episode.
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The fifth season of NBC family drama Parenthood kicks off on Thursday, September 26th at 10 PM ET, and there aren't enough tissues in the world to get us ready.
We can always count on the Braverman clan to make us feel things. Sure, modern life has made us cynical, immovable robot-people. But then cancer patient Kristina (Monica Potter) teaches her autistic son Max (Max Burkholder) to slow dance or Jabbar (Tyree Brown) calls Crosby (Dax Shepard) "Daddy" for the first time, and we robot-people melt into puddles of emotion, kind of like when all the black-and-white people turn into color in Pleasantville.
While it's difficult to imagine anything that could make us more weepy than little Victor's adoption ceremony, we're sure that the Parenthood creative team has some heartwarming and heartbreaking moments in store for this year. In an effort to store up the emotional reserves and spare our loved ones our worst ugly-cry faces, let's attempt to guess how our fictional extended family will hit us where it hurts.
This 30-second promo spot for the new season confirms what producer Jason Katims predicted at this year's Paleyfest: the premiere leaves off eight to nine months after the events of the season four finale. Jasmine (Joy Bryant) has given birth to a happy and healthy baby, which means that there will be plenty of opportunities to swoon as senstive Crosby falls in love with another kid. (Shepard must have drawn some inspiration from his real-life new dad status.) Ray Romano's grumpy photographer Hank is clearly back in the picture; hopefully perpetual man-fixer Sarah (Lauren Graham) will finally be lucky in love. Amber (Mae Whitman) seems as in love with ex-soldier Ryan (Matt Lauria) as she was when we last saw them, window-shopping for wedding rings. But the casting of All American Rejects' frontman Tyson Ritter may hint that their relationship will be tested. (Haven't you learned not to trust rock stars yet, Amber?) Rough waters might also be ahead for Sydney (Savannah Paige Rae) and Victor's (Xolo Mariduena) mom and dad; Sonya Walger will play an architect who will get close to contractor Joel (Sam Jaeger), and David Denman will be an unemployed dad who helps workaholic Julia (Erika Christensen) transition into being a stay-at-home mom.
Adam (Peter Krause) and Kristina have weathered her breast cancer ordeal (and how adorable is Potter's new shoulder-length cut?), but is she out of the woods for good? Max made huge strides at his mainstream school last year, but his Asperger's still presents constant challenges. Zeek (Craig T. Nelson) brushed off his family's worries about his heart problems in season four; was that foreshadowing for a serious health scare? Drew (Miles Heizer) had a tumultuous year with Amy's pregnancy and the move into and out of Mark's apartment. How will college pressures weigh on the unexpressed emotions he's still holding in? We assume that Haddie (Sarah Ramos) now knows that her parents kept the truth from her about the severity of Kristina's diagnosis. Does she resent them for their good-intentioned lie?
Whatever happens, we can be sure that Parenthood will wage war on our tear ducts with no shortage of grace and nuance. In fact, we can't wait to be destroyed by this TV family all over again.
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Vegas Goes All In on New Night: CBS announced on Thursday that it will keep the Theo James-led cop drama Golden Boy on Tuesday nights — in the 10 PM ET/PT slot previously belonging to Vegas— instead of moving it to Fridays at 9 PM ET/PT as planned. That means Vegas will air at 9 on Fridays beginning April 5, while a new Golden Boy episode will air this Friday as scheduled, following Undercover Boss. [TVLine]
Joy Behar Leaving The View: After 16 and a half years on The View, Joy Behar is leaving ABC's daytime talk show. “Joy Behar has been instrumental in the success of The View from the very beginning. We wish her all the best in this next chapter, and are thrilled that we have her for the remainder of the season,” ABC said in a statement. Behar said she felt 16.5 years on The View were enough. “It seemed like the right time,” she said. “You reach a point when you say to yourself, ‘Do I want to keep doing this?’ There are other things on my plate I want to do — I’ve been writing a play, I’ve been neglecting my standup.” [Deadline]
House Vet Returns to TV: House alum Omar Epps just landed a role in ABC’s drama pilot The Returned. Based on Jason Mott’s novel, the potential series is about how the lives of the people of Arcadia are forever changed when their deceased loved ones return. Epps’ Immigration Agent Martin Bellamy is in town to figure out the identity of the mysterious kid claiming to be the long-dead child of a couple. [TVLine]
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New Actress Selected: British actress Sarah Winter (who next appears in a U.K. TV movie about Doctor Who's origins) is set to co-star in The CW's retooled pilot The Selection. Set 300 years in the future, it is an epic romance centering on a working-class young woman, America Singer (Israeli actress Yael Grobglas), chosen by lottery to participate in a competition with 25 other women for Prince Maxon's (Michael Malarkey) hand to become the nation's next queen. Winter will play Ashley Brovillette, a naive young woman who is overjoyed to be chosen as one of the contestants for The Selection competition. [THR]
Interested Mother Joins The Hundred: Paige Turco, who recurs on CBS' Person of Interest, has been cast in The CW's drama pilot The Hundred. Based on the forthcoming Hundred books by Kass Morgan, the drama takes place 97 years after a nuclear war has destroyed civilization. A spaceship housing the lone human survivors sends 100 juvenile delinquents back to Earth to investigate the possibility of re-colonizing the planet. Turco will play Abby, mother to Clarke (Eliza Taylor), who is the authoritative chief medical officer of The Ark space station. She navigates the political spectrum with tact -- especially after her husband was put to death as a traitor for revealing the truth about The Ark's limited life-expectancy. [THR]
Follow Sydney on Twitter: @SydneyBucksbaum
[Photo Credit: Richard Cartwright/CBS]
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Jason’s body disappeared? Who cares! We’ll deal with that down the road! This episode features maybe the most independent visits to the coffee shop this show has ever seen, which means that it is full of random drama and also hard evidence that Emily actually does still work at the hottest spot in town.
The Liars are hanging out, drinking coffee at 3:00am on a Sunday night/Monday morning; everyone puts together the easiest puzzle in the world – it looks like CeCe is Red Hood! Hanna names our mystery gal “Red Coat,” which just isn’t as snappy as my fantastic moniker. Spencer isn’t paying attention to anything, and I’m getting the feeling that she’s using MapQuest on her phone to look up the nearest construction zone – where in the world is Toby? While PLL never takes its time with a storyline, the show has really handled itself well in keeping Toby off the screen and giving Spencer the space to go legitimately crazy.
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Hanna, meanwhile, is a really great snoop and is able to read Spencer’s phone — Spencer has a text from Wren, making sure she’s okay after the Mona scuffle. Hanna is wearing a wonderful plaid jacket, and Ashley Benson is currently jetting all over Europe to promote Spring Breakers (check her Instagram from the glamour). I am so jealous of Ashley Benson, because she is Hanna Marin as well as all of these other life perks. Spring Breakers is going to be my favorite movie of all time.
Regardless, Creepy Detective Wilden barges into the coffee shop and rudely interrupts this dour hangout. However, Hanna has the greatest alibi: “Drinking coffee is not a crime.” Creepy Detective wants everyone to stop talking about the Ali pregnancy rumor, and Hanna clearly sticks her neck out as the one that is spreading dirt. Whatever, it is time for these ladies and get some sleep before classes in the morning! Good thing the wonderful students at Rosewood never have to go to actual class. Goodnight, Creepy Detective.
Aria heads into Ezra’s apartment… and Papa Fitz is back! The boyfriend is home! An awkward moment starts the reunion because Aria is leaving a voicemail for Wes while she steps into the apartment. Oops. Ezra and Aria have a weird conversation about the repercussions of having babies after high school and not calling your underage girlfriend back, but it looks like Rosewood’s Odd Couple is going to stick it out. Love! It is real! Ezria is back in action, but it’s only a matter of time before this relationship meets the craziest drama on television. Aria is wearing amazing metallic red leggings, but it seems like she enjoys wearing them a little too much because she does not take them off the entire episode. I also learned that Aria is a vegan. Another note: Aria starts the scene looking really beautiful and ends the scene looking like a chubby baby. What is going on with this girl?
PornStarMom and Hanna are wearing match-ish outfits while strolling through Downtown Rosewood for their morning coffee: PornStarMom is wearing a bright pink top under her black blazer, while Hanna is wearing a chic black top under her popping blue blazer. What a duo, these two. Creepy Detective pushes CeCe into his car, and gives Hanna an evil glare – there’s too much happening in this sketchy town! PornStarMom and Ali slept with the same man! That’s the rumor! This isn’t going to end well, let me tell you.
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Melissa is back from whatever excuse the writers’ room cooked up and tries to give Spencer a pep talk, but Melissa’s hair looks absolutely awful. This must be the reason Spencer can’t get out of bed. Maybe Spencer would be able to wake up if she didn’t drink coffee at 3:00am. Spencer eventually makes it to school, but she spends her entire day sitting in an empty classroom. AGAIN – THERE ARE NO CLASSES AT ROSEWOOD, ALERT THE GOVERNMENT. Spencer wins Angsty Teen of the Year, and Aria’s Mother wins Best Teacher Giving Advice to a Student in an Empty Classroom. You can really tell Spencer is going through a hard time because she still can’t do her hair. My friend thinks Spencer looks really great with her unwashed hair. My friend is mentally insane, and definitely a little drunk.
Emily is shocked that Hanna would give money to a church (“YOU gave money to a CHURCH?”), and doesn’t care at all that Uncle Father might be stealing from the church/his new employer. Okay, that’s not really true, but Emily brushes off Hanna’s suspicious like it’s the most ridiculous thought in the world.
After school, Paige hangs out in her car, listening to super loud lesbian pop and searching for the address of the Rosewood Costume Shop with her car’s built-in Bing computer. Bing is the worst search engine in the history of the human race, but ABC Family is still trying to convince us that Bing can solve any problems. Last time I accidentally searched on Bing (search: “Rihanna Terry Richardson”), I think I received results that linked me to Dora the Explorer coloring books. Always use Google for your Rihanna image searches, people. Always turn to Google. Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RIHANNA!!! Would Rihanna ever make a PLL cameo? No? Can’t you let a boy dream?
Anyway, Hanna and Emily roll up to Paige’s car, and Paige tries to pretend that she is not a conniving lesbian; thankfully, her loud lesbian pop and secret Bing searching show that she is very guilty of being conniving and being a lesbian. Hanna gives Paige the most sass possible, and once again Hanna attacks someone that deserves to lose. Hanna is fighting for the goodness of all of humanity. Hanna is our savior. Amen to Hanna. Bible.
Emily and Hanna join in the trip to the costume shop, where Shayna/Shauna/Shawna is running things like a good lesbian does – blaring crazy awful loud lesbian pop music. Everyone engages in the awkward lesbian triangle at play, until Emily and Hanna snap out of it and snap into action; Emily “goes to the bathroom,” while Hanna distracts Shayna/Shauna/Shawna by asking stupid questions regarding the fabrics of Halloween costumes (“I love fashion!”). This is one of those costume shops where the “medieval garment” cost $7 to make and is then sold for $77 dollars plus tax. Emily successfully emails herself the confidential information about people who have purchased the Evil Queen of Hearts Train Choker costume, and everyone escapes with only slight lesbian side-eye.
Aria is doing all of her homework at the coffee shop when Mrs. Fitzgerald comes in with her ugly rich clothes and hideous wig. See you next Tuesday, Mrs. Fitz! No one cares what you have to stay! Stop sabotaging Aria! Post-Halloween excursion, Hanna is worried about Shayna/Shauna/Shawn’s sexuality: “Do you even know that Shawna is gay? She didn’t even look at me!” Emily is clearly worried that Paige is cheating on her, and Emily honestly needs to get over it. Paige is the worst. If Paige ever cheated on Emily, God would murder her immediately. God would strike Paige down with a million lightening bolts.
PornStarMom and Creepy Detective are out to dinner — it looks like Creep Detective is trying to figure out exactly what Hanna knows about the whole Ali/CeCe scandal. I’m still having a hard time knowing that Creepy Detective slept with both PornStarMom and Ali. That’s absolutely outrageous. PornStarMom proves that she’s the baddest adult bitch (she gave birth to the baddest teen bitch): “I think you bought a glass of wine for the wrong person.” Date over. I feel like this might be the episode where I start calling PornStarMom by her actual character name (Ashley Marin) because she really does bring the serious heat by episode’s end. We’ll see…
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Back at the coffee shop, Spencer is completely alone; the coffee shop is really cashing in on lonely Liars. Wren shows up out of the blue, decides that he wants to be on the show again, and confesses that he also came to Spencer’s side the other night because he still has feelings for her. How adorable! Remember when you were macking with Hanna in the middle of a mental ward, Wren? Does Spencer know about that? Spencer and Wren head out for an actual date, even though Spencer still hasn’t washed her hair since the night she collapsed outside of Toby’s apartment. We will learn all about her showering habits by the end of the episode – exhilarating.
Spencer and Wren finish their date with a super romantic conversation about how Spencer stole a paperweight from her Nana’s house, and the two decide to kiss. Beautiful. Spencer has become rather horny post-Toby, no? From strip poker with Hot Nerdy Football Player to making out with Hot British Doctor in the middle of the street, Spencer is really having a difficult time. Important: Spencer spots Red Hood watching her post-kiss, but when Spence tries to follow, Red Hood is missing. Spooky.
Aria complains about her baby drama, and admits the Wesley kiss to Hanna and Emily. Mama Fitz and Ezra are getting into a massive fight when Aria shows up for dinner, and Ezra explains that he’s not backing down from his life: “I’m not going to apologize for loving you,” Ezra pleads to Aria in front of his mother, and the moment is almost too beautiful to handle. Thankfully, all of the earnest emotion is broken up by Mrs. Fitzgerald’s truly horrendous hair. That hair pierce is heinous. This is all boring me now.
Emily’s plaid vest makes her look like a giant lesbian while fighting with her lesbian girlfriend. Paige can’t understand why Emily is so stuck on keeping Paige out of the hunt for A, and Emily has to explain that this entire thing is bigger than Mona. Why is everyone in Rosewood so stupid? Clearly there is more going on here than just the girl that is now president of the brainiacs! Emily also lets on that “at first we thought it was CeCe” under the Red Hood, which means that a lot has happened in Emily’s brain since the girls were ready to 100 percent pin things on CeCe roughly 14 hours earlier. Also, Paige and Shayna/Shauna/Shawna (I spelled it three different ways in my notes, so we’re sticking to my consistency) dated over the summer! Did Emily take a trip to Haiti over the summer, or was Emily just blacked out the entire time from her brief flirtation with alcoholism? I don’t remember this trip to Haiti. Maybe I’ve been drunk this entire time.
Hanna misses her mother’s voicemail due to her incredibly loud music, as PornStarMom/Ashley really wants to talk to Hanna about the Creepy Detective Wilden accusations. Clearly PornStarMom thinks something is up after her creepy dinner with Creepy Detective; what she doesn’t know (yet) is that Wilden is following in his squad car as the two pull away from the restaurant. Clearly this is bad… when Wilden pulls PornStarMom over! He asks if she is sober! Wilden pulls PornStarMom out of the car, and he begins questioning her again on what Hanna actually knows: “Either you shut Hanna up or I will!” This sounds very much like a threat A once made to Spencer using day-glo paint inside a carnival (“Shut up or I’ll shut you up”), so clearly my r-A-dar (OMG, I’M HILARIOUS) is going off. When Wilden won’t get out of the way, PornStarMom runs him over with her car. Perfect. GO, ASHLEY. Everything bad happens in the middle of the Rosewood woods.
This is an entire paragraph from my notes: “Melissa, get a weave.”
Ezra’s favorite movie is Chinatown, which should surprise no one. Also unsurprising is when Aria’s perfect movie night is interrupted. Maggie calls Ezra in a tizzy – Mrs. Fitz owns Maggie’s condo, and Mrs. Fitz is getting ready to sell the property after the battle with Aria/Ezra. I’m already bored with this storyline. Wes needs to come back and shake things up for our perfect little couple and their wonky baby storyline. Or Aria’s brother needs to return from boot camp, reinstall the horrible rear view mirror on his desk, and start carrying a gun. Did Aria’s brother have a gun? I think I’m starting to make up old plots. I had a very high fever during last week’s episode, and as a result had very freakish PLL fever dreams. No one wants to hear these dreams, believe me.
At the Hastings residence, Spencer decides to finally take a shower… except for the fact that she can turn her shower into a giant makeshift steam room. Umm, Spencer? This is what Hannah did on Girls two weeks ago, which resulted in very bad things for Hannah and a very polarizing opinion from the general audience. Also, wash your damn hair. Spencer does not listen to the advice she could learn from television and gets trapped inside the steam as A manipulates the heat to 293 degrees Fahrenheit. A sexy Patrick Wilson does not rescue Spencer, but she is saved instead by a loyal and sweet Aria. I feel like Hannah wins in the long run, because she got to have sex with Patrick Wilson and is living in HBO’s Brooklyn, but at least Spencer is alive. There’s always a silver lining.
Emily walks in on CeCe running away, because suddenly Emily knows where CeCe lives; CeCe has never had a home on this show, only a boutique. CeCe and Emily sort of circle around all of the clues CeCe brought to the table regarding Ali and Wilden and Ali’s maybe pregnancy, but CeCe has to bolt because Wilden is mentally unstable. I love typing the name CeCe, and I have a feeling we’re not going to see her for a long time. That makes me very sad. CeCe had no idea who to trust in Rosewood, and since Emily shared the little pregnancy secret with everyone she’s ever friend requested on Facebook, it’s probably a good time to skip town. We do get one juicy tidbit while CeCe skips out the door: MELISSA HASTINGS TOOK THE PICTURE ON THE SAILBOAT. Melissa has always been evil and I’ve always hated her, so this really should not come as a big shock. Melissa has a lot of secrets.
PornStarMom is afraid that she killed Wilden with her car, so she goes to investigate the scene of the “crime” with Hanna. Wilden’s body is missing, which is PLL’s favorite move at the end of an episode. Also, Wilden’s cop camera recorded the entire sequence of events; I’m guessing that video will be important in the next arc? At the same time, Spencer tells Aria that she knows who’s helping Mona and is ready to loop the girls in. It seems that A’s attempt to murder Spencer through steam burns fixed Spencer’s brain, and she’s ready to tell her fellow Liars the truth about Toby. I can’t wait for this crazy to hit the public.
Night cap: Black Gloves is making a scary flower arrangement, which features some really beautiful roses marred by a scary “With Deepest Sympathy” banner. Black Gloves, why are you preparing this funeral arrangement? My favorite wink of the episode is the song the plays over this sequence, from Black Gloves’ record player, “Steam Heat,” from The Pajama Game. Get it? DO YOU GET IT? HAHAHA, TEAM A IS SO WITTY! This episode was even more boring than last week’s bonkers installment. I need someone to actually die instead of just disappear. I pick Paige.
[Image Credit: Eric McCandles/ABC Family(2)]
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I had to watch this episode on a slight delay, because my entire universe forgot to make sure Pretty Little Liars was #1 with absolutely zero distractions. I wish everyone else would understand the importance of this show and would just make sure my life is good to go in front of a television at 8:00pm EST on a Tuesday night. Yet, before pressing play on my (friend’s) DVR, I knew I was in for a treat. I received four (4!!!) separate messages about Hannah’s denim overalls before I even started watching the episode. Needless to say, I’m already shopping for my own pair. I feel like the most viable place to buy quality denim overalls is either Macy’s or Home Depot. I think I already have the same exact flannel Hannah was wearing under her denim overalls. We’ll talk more fashion later.
We start this week’s adventure in the coffee shop, which is always a good place to begin things — it’s a popular location, no one will overhear you talking about big secrets and scary murders, and Aria can try again at making a coffee that a human being can drink (opposed to her wood nymph status). Aria is mourning the loss of Ezra, Aria is forgetting how to dress properly without first having non-physical sex with her older teacher boyfriend, Aria is dealing with a sizable pimple on her left cheek, and the camera begins really far away from everyone. Our girls are incredibly worried about Spencer, because she is wearing no make-up and is still not conditioning her hair. Meanwhile, Emily is wearing way too much make-up and putting more than enough conditioner in her luscious locks. I would say that Emily is the evil sister stealing all of Emily’s magic powers, but we know that Mona is on top of that whole Spencer switch paired with the fact that Emily has zero magical powers.
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Jason interrupts this depressing morning coffee date to announce that Ali’s remains are being put in a shiny mausoleum. How quaint. However, all of the tidbits that the Liars dropped into the casket are still missing. Oops, looks like A can still frame all of our pretty best friends. Spencer is coming completely undone — “Are her bones holy relics are something?” Doesn’t that sound like a Hannah quote? Needless to say, Spencer will not be paying her respects. I know Spencer and Jason are half-siblings, but I really do wish that her half-brother would just kiss her on the lips and get it over with. Creepy quasi-incest would definitely push this show to the next level of magic-creepy. Speaking of creepy quasi-incest reminds me of Shakespeare, which reminds me of House of Cards, which reminds me to remind everyone to watch House of Cards on Netflix. You can binge the entire first season in one weekend/sitting. Text me and I’ll give you Dad’s Netflix password.
Hannah and Aria talk about how they need to figure out what to do with the missing gifts from Ali’s casket. Aria does not want to go back to prison, because “one size does not fit all” when it comes to the orange jumpsuit. One Size Does Not Fit All sounds like a great prison drama about a bunch of young fashionistas suck in prison after doing weird things that are technically illegal – maybe serial shoplifting from Barney’s? It’s like Gossip Girl meets The OC meets Jane By Design meets Prison Break meets Oz! Why am I not the development president of ABC? I think Hannah made a masturbation joke about Aria hanging out in Ezra’s apartment, but I also have absolutely no idea what either lady was talking about during this scene. I feel like there’s one scene a week where I zone out and yet also forget how to rewind. Mona shows up acting like Spencer is her best friend, wearing Spencer trademarked clothing and sporting a hairdo that Spencer would possibly put together if it matched her outfit. Spencer is mad, the only natural response in this situation.
Caleb is doing a nonchalant lean in an empty classroom while texting his mother. First things first — there is no way that Rosewood has this many empty classrooms. Every public high school in my state had overcrowding issues and had to deal with overbooked classrooms; Rosewood has an issue where it seems like only one single class meets a day and all the other classrooms are open for secret couple conversations. Second thing second — Caleb is doing a nonchalant lean against the window, and everyone knows that you can’t be a teenager in a high school leaning because THAT IS JORDAN CATALANO. Maybe Caleb is the new Jordan, but this entire maneuver left me really discombobulated. This is something I will have to think about for a few days before landing on any sort of firm feelings. Stay tuned. Caleb’s old family is moving out of their old home, so he’s probably going to go pick up some old stuff. Hannah is definitely a good girlfriend through all, especially because she hates old.
Aria is just hanging out in Ezra’s bed when… Wes arrives! Wes, Ezra’s cute but mildly creepy little brother! Wes makes up some lie about needing to move out of the dorms due to fumigating, because we all know that no dorm building in the United States has ever been “fumigated.” I’m getting the vibe that Aria and Wes could do the dirty later this season, but I also got the vibe that Aria was pregnant when her father’s batshit crazy ex-mistress was actually poisoning her. So that happened. We’ll see where this goes; I feel like I’ve become really bad at predicting the direction of this show. Shocking, I know. Wes will be living in Ezra’s apartment and typing on Ezra’s typewriter.
Spencer meets Miles, her incredibly creepy private investigator, in a literal alley. Like, the two of them are hanging out near a dumpster in a dark alley. Miles has been tracking Toby’s credit card, in which he bought a bunch of hydrangeas and then switched over to cash. Toby bought a bunch of mildly pretty flowers and then got wise to the fact that his incredibly intelligent girlfriend might be tracking him. Spencer needs to hand over another stack of cash before Miles will investigate exactly where the A key leads, but she needs a day or two to sit on things — does she want to know what’s behind that door? Spence is a wreck. Troian is selling every scene with conviction, such that I’m kind of down with the downward spiral. If only it didn’t hurt my heart so much. Sigh.
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Emily heads to the police station to meet her mother for dinner, because Emily’s mother is now a police station worker. This development during last week’s episode was so completely bizarre that it took me a few beats to remember exactly what was happening. Mom is a champion at doing nothing, because Emily has no problem in pulling Mom away from “work” to grab an early dinner. I feel like Mother of Emily is just filing cold cases in the basement or something terribly boring. Maybe she’ll pop up on Blue Bloods! I have no idea what this woman’s name is, and I would look it up except I’m still fuming over the time we spent together when she wasn’t hip to her daughter’s lesbianism. Mom complains about eating Corn Nuts for lunch (literally the worst vending machine snack in the history of vending machines), and the picture of Creepy Detective at Cape May is missing from the bulletin board. This episode is a such mess. Emily notices a postcard of the Eiffel Tower amid Mom’s things, grabs the card, and sees a message from A on the back. IN FRENCH. A, girl, you fancy!
Emily’s “friendship gift” to Dead Ali consisted of 25 postcards — A has 25 chances to kill Emily! Emily knows absolutely nothing in French, and Spencer speaks French like a glamorous Truffaut character; the message says something about being capable of murder. “Wow… that sounded so much better in French,” whispers Emily — she’s right, because French makes everything sound worthwhile and vaguely romantic. Spencer is getting ready to throw away all of her old Toby pictures, but Emily makes a “big speech” about how sometimes there’s another explanation for what’s going on; she sites Paige’s visit to the lesbian bar as an example (Paige is trying to get to the bottom of the costume rental from the Halloween train murder, not “mingle”). However, Emily, sometimes your evil boyfriend is really just evil. I hope Emily’s optimism pays off for Spencer in the end, but I think we won’t get there till the end of the season. Keep Spencer on that nice slippery slope for now.
Emily decides to go back to the smart therapist that was kidnapped by Mona and forced to have a horrified conversation in the diner from Twin Peaks. This scene simultaneously pays homage to In Treatment and Gossip Girl, where a young girl confesses to her therapist while also screaming about how she killed someone in her past. I hope everyone has seen Mia Wasikowska’s episodes from the first season of In Treatment, because that right there is some truly gripping television. The therapist, Doctor Sullivan, immediately considers using hypnotherapy, while Emily screams — “…HIPPOS?!! I KILLED SOMEONE!!!” Emily sure has a lot of guilt.
Again, Troian is selling the depressed spiral. She sits in her room, sobbing, looking at old Toby things – this all reminded me a lot of that Emma Stone-Adele skit from SNL, because how can you experience this sadness and not sob forever? Amidst her big tears, Spencer decides to call up Miles; she’ll hand over the $500 Miles needs to track down the door that connects to the key. $500 is the most money ever for a high school senior in the middle of Pennsylvania. Like, Spencer does not have a job outside of being incredibly intelligent — how does she have that much money on her? Where are all the deleted scenes of Spencer making money? Is she making meth out of a camper in the desert on the down low? Is she selling weed out of her garage under a giant crucifix light stolen from the local church? Why can I only think of shows where people sell drugs to make money?
Away from that sadness – THE DENIM OVERALLS!!! WE’VE MADE IT TO THE DENIM!!! THE DENIM!!! DENIM!!! HANNAH!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!! FLANNEL UNDER DENIM OVERALLS!!! WHAT IS THIS SCENE EVEN ABOUT OUTSIDE OF HANNAH WEARING OVERALLS!!! Hannah is in a barn with Caleb and his uncle Jamie, going through the old things from Caleb’s childhood. Yawn. Denim. Hannah clearly thought visiting a large barn meant that she had to be heading to a country-themed rave in the middle of the day, and only dressed appropriately. Back in civilization, where you cannot hang out in your denim overalls, Spencer withdrawals $500 from an ATM (you can’t do that) and gets in a fight with Jason in the middle of the town (you can do that).
BACK IN THE BARN WITH THE DENIM OVERALLS, Uncle Jamie asks Hannah if she’s seen Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel in one of the old book bins, which is also one of my favorite picture books as a kid! I used to always get that book from the library. There’s a picture of the steam shovel digging that I still remember vividly. I’m buying that book to go with my new denim overalls. Uncle Jamie asks, “He treatin’ you right?” Now, you only ask that question to a girl after she’s moved back in with her latent homosexual abusive husband and three kids (like a Brokeback Mountain sequel!). Uncle Jamie wants to buy everyone cheeseburgers, but instead he secretly gives Hannah a picture of Baby Caleb. It’s absolutely adorable. Caleb has achieved a really healthy tan over the years.
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Emily is in the middle of her hypnotherapy session, where she remembers sprinklers and her pink running shoes and… HITTING ALI OVER THE HEAD WITH A SHOVEL. This sequence is directed with a beautiful flash of red to denote someone getting hurt, which I personally felt worked with real punch. I feel like Emily made up this memory, but why would I doubt the incredibly well-educated therapist and her methods of hypnotherapy? EMILY IS A MURDERER NOW!!! Emily all of a sudden is convinced that she is a crazy murderer, and that she should be forever scared of the 24 missing A postcards while telling everyone that she 100% murdered her friend. If Emily really did murder Ali, that’s absolutely incredible. If Emily did not murder Ali, I hope she was at least really drunk.
Speaking of the postcards, Emily has a flashback to their origin — Ali and Emily were fake planning a French vacation together during their single semester of French class together. Ali pretends to flirt with Emily while spreading out all of the postcards (not a method of studying, mind you), and the girls weirdly touch fingers. Emily is pretending to study, Ali is pretending to thrust her breasts into Emily’s hands. Ali lacks a lot of subtlety when it comes to fake teenage lesbian entanglements. Are we ever going to deal with Emily’s emotional scarring due to the fact that she was deeply manipulated by Ali and maybe in love? I feel like that would really screw with someone. Who knows. For a teen soap that isn’t Buffy, this show really does love to play around with lesbian tropes.
Spencer meets up with Miles, who explains that the key leads to a grungy door on Mayflower Hill. Spencer and Miles then delve into the most existential conversation ever between a young teenager and her shady private detective. Suddenly, the detective is worried about Spencer’s emotional well-being and what sits behind the locked door. Regardless, creepy investigator turns out to be a really nice guy with a great head on his shoulders and solid emotional advice. Spencer hopes that she will find some sort of explanation for Toby’s actions behind the A door; Miles explains that it’s time to consider letting Toby go if there isn’t an answer that comes with the key.
While people are dealing with big emotions, Aria witnesses Wes punching out the husband of his physics teacher in the middle of town. And by “punching out, “ I mean that Wes hits the man over the head with a pizza box. A pizza box. Since when is a pizza box, filled with only leftovers, remotely heavy enough to knock out an adult male such that a young boy and a girl with incredibly large eyeballs can escape? Turns out, there is no dorm fumigation! Who’s your daddy! Wes hit on his physics teacher in order to get kicked out of school, so the husband has been trying to attack him in broad daylight — Wes admires that Ezra was able to step out from his mother’s influence, especially the influence of the family checkbook. Aria understands nothing.
Hannah shows the picture of Baby Caleb to Teenage Caleb, and Caleb starts crying. Uncle Jamie kept the picture in his wallet all of these years! Caleb is loved! Caleb is family! Hannah is a detective and thinks Jamie is holding Caleb in that very picture! I’m thinking that maybe Uncle Jamie was actually in love with Caleb’s mother, and that Uncle Jamie is possible Caleb’s father. Caleb tries to pretend like he has zero emotions, but we all know the truth. Again, I’m just shooting stars of hope out into the worldwide television universe, but something magical has to happen soon for Caleb. Hannah is the best girlfriend. Between this sequence and the entire thing on The Bachelor where Sarah was sent home early, I’m not sure if my tear ducts will function tomorrow.
Spencer is heading to the A room with the key, and we know something is wrong as soon as the door has poop smears all over the place and hard rock starts playing. The room is completely empty. There is nothing for Spencer. Spencer rushes over to the mausoleum viewing with the Liars. Let’s break for fashion – do these girls know how to put together an outfit for a quasi-funeral? Hannah is wearing a yellow leopard mini-dress (at least she looks good), Emily is wearing a swishy white dress that would be appropriate if she was eloping on the beach in Hawaii, and Aria is wearing an absolutely incredible goth-glam red-and-black sheer maxi dress. Spencer is wearing a potato sack of sadness. Aria naturally wins this round, but everyone still needs to go to a class about dressing for a mausoleum. Hannah hates the Emily Dickinson quote on Ali’s new grave, but all of the quiet chatter ends while Spencer starts screaming about how Ali was pregnant when she died. Then Spencer carves Toby’s name into the marble over his mother’s grave. Such class. Spencer is so insane.
“There’s something really wrong with Spencer” — Aria brings her smarts to the table! These girls have been a little slow on the uptake recently. As the three sane Liars exit the graveyard, Emily flashes back to finish her hypnotherapy memory and realizes that she didn’t actually murder Ali with the shovel – instead, she saw a woman in a red coat escape through the graveyard on the night Ali’s grave was dug up. What an awful hypnotherapy twist. I mean, after the last two weeks, this episode was kind of mess. Marlene King’s name was listed inside the mausoleum, which means she might be dead and therefore no longer dealing with this show — is that some sort of sign for the wonky quality of this episode? Anyway, Emily now knows that Red Coat is in charge of things. Red Coat is Mama A. Red Coat has Mona in the palm of her hand. Red Coat is Ali, alive and well? Seems to be a viable prediction… I’m going to stop making predictions…
The episode ends with a nice young man named Kyle is working behind the counter of a liquor store while Black Hood buys a bottle of whiskey. Does Black Hood even have a 21+ plus ID? Is it real? Is it a fake, purchased over the Internet from China? Your guess is as good as mine on this one, troops. I figure the bottle is for Toby, since Toby would naturally drink whiskey. Honestly, let’s just move on from this bonkers episode (not the worst, but certainly not nearly the best). You can also look forward to Saturday evening when ABC Family premieres Twilight!!! I’ll also be another year older by next week’s episode, which means I’m another step away from the target audience for Pretty Little Liars. Don’t reach for the white light just yet, Old Alex — we need to identity of Mama Red Coat first.
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Jaws were hitting the floor last night at the double elimination on The X Factor – but no it wasn’t due to Britney Spears forgetting to wear a shirt underneath her cleavage-bearing jacket. (Did Jason approve that get-up, Brit?) After delivering one of her best performances yet, approved and praised by the judges, there was no time wasted to have Paige Thomas packing her bags. (Is this the 2000 election all over again? I demand a recount!) And if that wasn’t a big enough surprise for America, the mini-Whitney Houston, a.k.a, Diamond White, and Vino Alan had to belt their hearts out to convince the judges to stay in the competition. Defeat was spelled across Diamond face following her performance, but she was saved by Britney, Simon, and Demi. Oh, my! Khloé Kardashian and Mario Lopez revealed the top 6 – which left no one saying OMG:
1. Carly Rose Sonenclar
2. Tate Stevens
3. Emblem3
4. Fifth Harmony
5. CeCe Frey
6. Diamond White
Holding on for yet another week at the number one slot is the alleged “13-year-old” phenomenon Carly Rose Sonenclar, followed by the loveable Tate Stevens, and One Direction’s soon-to-be biggest competition, Emblem3, at number three. Hollywood.com chit-chatted with tonight’s performers – Alicia Keys, and last season’s runner-up, Josh Krajcik – and the eliminated contestants, who had much to say about the shocking results, and plenty more.
Paige Thomas, on the conspiracy theory of her votes being cancelled:
Paige: That’s what I’ve been tweeted a lot today, too…I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I did get people tweeting me saying that they called, and my lines were closed, or that they were cancelled.
On her daughter missing her during the competition:
Paige: She always says, “You sing good, Mama, okay? You make me proud!” And I actually got videos of her watching me on TV the weeks that she wasn’t able to be out here, and it is the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. She would, like, jump up and down like a horse and go ‘That’s mom! That’s mom!’ and go to the TV and kiss it.
Vino Alan, on Khloé being his secret fan:
Vino: Because of the feedback I have been getting from… some of the people I can’t even tell who it is because they are not supposed to tell me that I’m their favorite or I’m their family’s favorite, or their mom’s favorite. Khloé wasn’t supposed to… so, I didn’t expect to go home.
On crying after his elimination:
Vino: I did shed a tear when I saw my mom, because I had to say “sorry” for a second there. It feels like you failed, but then you realize that it is a great platform to make music, and keep doing what I am doing.
On getting type casted due to his look:
Vino: I’m sure. Though because it is something so new and different and so hardcore, and I was doing something that older folks might like, that is what I was worried about – that they would be distracted by the head. Like, “What’s going on with his head?”
Alicia Keys, on her new short mommy ‘do:
Alicia: Well, I had heard from numerous mothers, a lot of new mothers, that they cut their hair, too. I thought I was kind of special and brave. But apparently, it’s a new mother thing. For me, I just had been talking about cutting my hair for a while, and just was kind of figuring out in which way it would feel right. I put out a song called “New Day” that’s also on my album, and I was just like, “You know what? It’s a new day and I’m cutting this thing off!” So, I did it.
On motherhood changing her as a musician:
Alicia: It definitely changed me. At first, in the beginning when he was first born, it made me way more efficient. I was like, “I got to go. I got to get up really, really early. I can’t just be hanging around this place anymore.” Which actually made it cooler because I started to be more productive, whereas before I think I wasted more time just because I could.…It’s more intimate. It’s at a place where I probably couldn’t have written two or three years ago, because I just didn’t understand it as much. So, I think it’s opened me up in a different way to kind of access a deeper emotion that I never knew.
On the love of her baby changing her perspective:
Alicia: I’m fortunate that I have a lot of love in my life, but this is like a whole different kind of love. I experienced the blackout in New York with Sandy, the hurricane, and we lost power and electricity and everything and I was more thinking about like, “If I have to survive this for seven days, how am I going to make sure that the baby is okay?” So, for the first time you start thinking about someone else and not just yourself.
Josh Krajcik, on getting tweeted by Liam Payne from One Direction:
Josh: It’s pretty cool to get a tweet from guys that are just killing it. They are cool kids, and I bought their new record. Not because my daughter asked me to, but you know we worked with similar people on our music, so I really love their song ‘C'Mon C'Mon.’ I had to get it for that.
b&gt;On not seeing Nicole Scherzinger at the judge’s panel:
Josh: I email Nicole back and forth, and she is doing great in the UK version. I mean, it’s a little weird, but I think Demi and Britney are great.
Khloé Kardashian, on Lamar Odom being electronically challenged:
Khloé: He doesn't really know how to do technology very well, and I have to walk them through it on the phone and it takes forever. I’m like, “Push this button!” I have to tell him everything. Right now, Kourtney is like, “Would Lamar like an iPad mini for Christmas?” I go, “absolutely not.”
On her hosting skills improving:
Khloé: Everyone says that I'm getting better and better, and more of my personality is coming out.…I've been getting positive feedback, and people said I have progressed well, and as long as I am progressing. This is our 4th week. At least I'm getting better, and not worse.
[Photo Credit: Ray Mickshaw/Fox]
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The reality TV cornucopia has been lacking one key ingredient this Thanksgiving week: mercy. First, Dancing With the Stars: All-Stars eliminated two of its contestants, Apolo Ohno and Emmitt Smith, both previous champions and bearers of the mirror-ball trophy. Then The X Factor followed suit with a double elimination of its own last night. No American Idol-style reprieve for these contestants! Anyway, I, for one, think the sweet saltiness of tears is the perfect seasoning to a Thanksgiving dinner. Don’t you agree?
It wasn’t all bitterness, though, Thursday night. The show partnered with Best Buy to give the tuneful kids of Bancroft Middle School a new music room. A new music room that looked exactly like the kind of place Mr. Schuester would set up shop. As a non-diva, my reaction to this, if I were a student at Bancroft, would have been quite like that of the Greendale Seven in Community’s brilliant Glee takedown last year, “Regional Holiday Music.” The addition of this glossy music room is more likely to cultivate ego than a love of music, and I’d personally see this as the first stage of an insidious takeover plot by vocally-adrenalized pod-people in sweater vests. First, they’d conquer Bancroft. Then, X Factor! All my fears came true as the Bancroft choir then proceeded to sing Coldplay’s “Fix You,” accompanied by the Top 10. Scratch my earlier comment. It was all bitterness, Thursday night.
The results weren’t terribly surprising, though. Probably the most shocking thing was that Tate Stevens, the deep-throated, Trace Adkins-style country drawler, didn’t finish in the No. 1 spot. Top honors actually went to Carly Rose Sonenclar. The rest of the rankings were as expected: Diamond White, Vino Alan, Fifth Harmony, and Emblem 3 all got sent through. Paige Thomas, who last week sang for her reality-show life against Jennel Garcia in the bottom two, finished sixth, well out of harm’s way.
Last night's guest performer was British X Factor alumna--and all-around cutie--Cher Lloyd. Watching the fourth-place finisher from the seventh U.K. cycle sparkle her way across the stage, it was hard to imagine any of the remaining X Factor finalists following in her perfectly confectionary, pre-packaged footsteps. Agree?
Anyway, there were a couple turkeys to ax on this Thanksgiving night.Arin Ray, the two-time X Factor contestant who last season vocalized with the group InTENsity, was the first to get the boot. Britney Spears, Arin’s mentor, told the 18-year-old to look at his time on the show as a “learning experience.” Believe me, I’m sure he’s plotting exactly how he’ll win it all on his third appearance on X Factor next year. Anyone want to place bets on the name of Arin’s next group? DiVERSEity, perhaps? Where the misspelling is intended to be charming rather than annoying? Or maybe MusiCALity, to try to get the California vote?
As for the singing showdown, 13-year-old Beatrice Miller square off against sing-off mainstay CeCe Frey. Frey totally nailed it with Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You.” Miller, however, has been heading toward collapse for awhile now. First of all, last week she had to sing Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time,” which just didn’t seem to click for her. If you ask me, she’d probably never even heard of Lauper before appearing on this show. Then on Wednesday, she took on Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars.” No one associated with Snow Patrol can, or will, win anything. Ever. And for her duel with Frey, she sang Dido’s “White Flag,” which proved prophetic. Miller got the boot, with all but her mentor Britney voting for her ouster.
The 13-year-old Miller was visibly shaken and her monosyllabic reply to Khloe Kardashian’s concerned “Are you okay?” said it all: “No.” But she’s young! There are so many more singing competitions she can try out for.
Here are your Top 8:
1. Carly Rose Sonenclar
2. Tate Stevens
3. Vino Alan
4. Emblem3
5. Diamond White
6. Paige Thomas
7. Fifth Harmony
8. CeCe Frey
Thankful for the results Thanksgiving Night?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Ray Mickshaw/FOX]
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Oh, how cruel the singing competition gods are. Not only did their wrath result in the elimination of a relatively promising crooner and a horribly mismanaged group last night, but with his exit last week they denied Jason Brock the opportunity to shine his brightest in a themed night all but tailor-made for him on Wednesday: Diva Night. Somewhere in a more guyliner-friendly alternate universe he totally rocked the house, placed high in the ranking, and emerged as a new contender to win it all. Instead, we’re left to settle for fifth-place finisher CeCe Frey, who previously seemed one pitchy note away from elimination, for our power-ballad fix. Sigh.
It’s fascinating to see how Simon Cowell’s priorities have changed in the decade since American Idol first launched. Now, you could easily argue that the black T-shirt aficionado has always been more a marketer than a producer, more interested in the packaging of his artists than their actual talent. But back in the early days of Idol, he’d routinely diss packaged popstars like Jessica Simpson, and even his current judging partner Britney Spears, for being all-style, no-substance products. Now he seems to have little to no interest in vocal skill at all. Exhibit A: His shameful choice of Paige Thomas over Jennel Garcia.
But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. First of all, Lyric DaQueen and her funky crew, Lyric 145, got the ax. This is a perfect example of how out of touch Cowell &amp; Co. really are when it comes to hip hop. When Spears made her introduction to television reporters earlier this year and talked the music biz, her declaration of love for rap at the time sounded as if there hadn’t been any evolution in the genre since Cypress Hill. Sure, the very concept of a rapping girl-group may be inherently anachronistic, but Cowell seemed hellbent on reinventing Lyric 145 as a ‘90s Salt ‘n Pepa-style troupe. If Don Cornelius hadn’t passed away last year, he’d undoubtedly have loved the result. So it was obvious that, in the era of motor-mouthed rappers like Nicki Minaj, Lyric 145 seemed hopelessly out of date. Maybe they should next try out for amateur night at the Apollo.
It didn’t help that, according to Lyric DaQueen, the group’s original number was unceremoniously nixed at the last minute by Fox. Instead, they ended performing an oh-so-obvious medley of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” and Katy Perry’s “E.T.” Ooh, they both have a stomp-stomp-clap beat, so they’re just begging for a mashup, right?! “We didn’t get the opportunity to show what we really had,” Ms. DaQueen said. “We had original lyrics, and we had a hip-hop song that got snatched away from us at the last minute.”
That left Demi Lovato’s mentees, Paige Thomas and Jennel Garcia, to fight for their X Factor lives. Okay, it didn’t help Garcia that she sang Hoobastank’s “The Reason,” while Thomas belted Coldplay’s “Paradise.” But in every respect, this was a vocals vs. marketing matchup. A showdown between art and product. And product, Thomas, won. Reid and Spears quickly decided to send Garcia home, but Cowell, though he knew his decisive vote would assure her exit, decided anyway to put pressure on Demi to make the reality TV equivalent of Sophie’s choice. And she chose…wisely. Recognizing more actual singing ability in Garcia, Lovato chose to send Thomas home. Not that it mattered, because Simon declared Thomas to have more “star power,” and cast the deciding vote that sent Garcia packing. Considering that peoples' career aspiration were hanging in the balance, it seemed like a cruel and unnecessary stunt--but sadly that kind of thing seems to be X Factor's stock in trade.
In the midst of the heartbreak, Taylor Swift unfurled her whole cheerleaders-and-unicorns thing by performing “State of Grace.” If only Simon had listened to Swift, when she said, after Mario Lopez asked her for her take on reality TV show judging, “No matter how tired you are, or how bad a day you have, be nice to people.”
And that’s a wrap, folks. Here’s the current rankings of the Top 10.
1. Tate Stevens
2. Carly Rose Sonenclar
3. Vino Alan
4. Emblem 3
5. CeCeFrey
6. Fifth Hamony
7. Diamond White
8. Beatrice Miller
9. Arin Ray
10. Paige Thomas
Like me, were you disappointed with the outcome last night? And can anything stop Tate Stevens from winning it all at this point?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Fox]
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‘The X Factor’ Recap: Divalicious

Are you in the mood for spectacular singing, dazzling theatrics, and one or two ferocious catfights? (I’m referring to the judges on that last one, of course) Then you’re going to love catching up on Wednesday night’s all-new live performance episode of The X Factor, which centered around the remaining Top 12 contestants — for real this time. (That is, unless Simon decides to bring back any more previously eliminated acts in the future.) But for now, it’s an even dozen!
However, last night was about way more than just singing — it was about getting in touch with your inner diva. That’s right, folks, this week’s theme was called Divas, and it’s just like it sounds. Each act belted out hits from some of the world’s biggest diva artists of all time. (Can you imagine how upset Jason Brock must be right now? This would’ve been his week!) Needless to say, these were some big shoes for them to fill.
So who came out on top and who failed to wow the judges with their superstar sass? Find out how it all went down below!
Jennell Garcia (Young Adults — Team Demi Lovato): Jennell kicked off the night by belting out Tina Turner’s classic hit, “Proud Mary.” Her vocals may not be quite up to par with Tina’s, but her entertainment factor was off the charts. Girl was all over that stage almost to the point of making the backup dancers look lazy. L.A. announced that she has returned to the competition and Britney went so far as to say that Tina would be proud (clever). Even the biggest diva of them all, Simon Cowell, had nothing but praise to give her and said she was officially back in the game. We’ll just have to wait and see if she’s rolling in the votes (see Britney, I can do it too!).
Tate Stevens (Over 25 — Team L.A. Reid): Next up was Tate who sang a beautiful rendition of Shania Twain’s “From This Moment.” It obviously doesn’t rank very high as far as big diva songs go (especially with that adorable country twang of his), but it was sweet and very romantic. Couple that with the fact that he basically sang it directly to his wife and he had the audience eating out of the palm of his hand...and the judges weren’t too far behind. Britney was overwhelmed by how heartfelt the performance was and Simon said it was even better than last week. And given the fact that he received the highest number of votes during Thursday night’s results show, that’s really saying something. Break out your checkbook, Simon, because you might be writing this guy a $5 million check in the very near future.
Diamond White (Teens — Team Britney Spears): Still fresh off her surprising save from last week, Diamond proved her worth to the competition by bravely taking on “Halo” by one of the hottest divas in Hollywood, Miss Beyonce. It’s a difficult song to tackle, and even though things started off a little shaky, by the time she got midway through the song, she completely owned it. (Though, did anyone else wish she had sang “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend?” No? Just me?) All this girl needs is a little more practice and she’ll be a true musical gem. Demi praised her performance and said that she gives the rest of the competition a run for their money ($5 mil to be exact). Simon announced that he’s looking at a future star. This girl definitely knows how to bounce back. Who runs the world? Diamond!
Beatrice Miller (Teens — Team Britney Spears): Beatrice tackled Cindi Lauper’s “Time After Time” hit to some mixed reviews. She did a great job of making the song her own and her vocals were definitely stronger from last week, but her performance level could still use some improvement. L.A. didn’t like the song choice, claiming it didn’t allow her to peak with her vocals. Meanwhile, Simon liked her vocals, but thought the song itself was boring overall. This, of course, led to a diva showdown between Britney and Simon, where Britney quipped: “Simon, she has more talent in her pinky than all of your acts combined.” Rawr! And the claws come out.
Lyric 145 (Groups — Team Simon Cowell): True to form, Lyric 145 did yet another mash-up, this time with Queen’s “We Will Rock You” and Katy Perry’s “E.T.” Simon started off explaining that the song selection was changed at midnight, giving them only a few precious hours to practice before show time. (Allegedly, this was to prove just how hard they’ve worked on their performance, but personally I think it was Simon’s attempt to get some extra pity votes.) Regardless, the change wasn’t made in vain and quickly brought the crowd to their feet. It was fun and full of energy, but still a little too chaotic for my taste. L.A. thought it was an improvement from last week’s “disaster,” but he still felt like they’ve lost their way in the competition. Cut to Simon Cowell’s Level 5 Diva Face. He does not agree.
Arin Ray (Teens — Team Britney Spears): Arin got assigned to sing “Crazy For You” by Madonna, which conveniently turned out to be quite the appropriate song for this week because — surprise! — Arin has a not-so-secret crush on Fifth Harmony singer Normani and he’s not afraid to show it (or at least sing about it). Aside from the wrong music cue at the beginning, the performance wasn’t that bad…but it wasn’t that good either — at least not to the caliber that it should be at this point in the competition. It’s now or never, my friend. This is no time to be holding back — which is something the judges had no trouble doing during their comments. L.A. said that it didn’t feel like a $5 million performance, while Demi harshly chimed in saying that he completely lacked soul (I’m assuming she meant musically, not spiritually). Then Simon remarked that asking him to take on that song was like asking a cat to eat a tiger…so that’s helpful and not at all confusing. Either way, the judges weren’t fans of the performance and given that he was 11 in the rankings last week, this could very well have been Arin’s swan song.
Paige Thomas (Young Adults — Team Demi Lovato): Proving that she can be the diva of disco, Paige busted some serious moves while singing, “Last Dance” by Donna Summer. L.A. and Simon called it her best performance so far, but Simon felt that the dancers were a little too distracting, to which she responded saying, “I like my dancers, Simon.” Spoken like a true diva, don’t you think?
Fifth Harmony (Groups — Team Simon Cowell): It wouldn’t be a true diva night without a Mariah Carey song thrown into the mix, and who better to sing it than the girl group with the excessive name changes (if that isn’t diva-type behavior then I don’t know what is). But in all seriousness, “Hero” was the perfect song choice for this particular girl group. They are so great at harmonizing and really making each song their own; you can’t help but feel mesmerized by their performances. There’s no doubt in my mind, these ladies could go all the way.
Carly Rose Sonenclar (Teens — Team Britney Spears): In my opinion, there are some songs that should never be replicated simply because nobody would ever be able to do them justice. But Carly Rose managed to tear my little theory to shreds after her outstanding performance of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.” The Titanic theme song is usually untouchable, but the quality of this girl’s voice could have rivaled the real Celine herself. It was incredible and left the judges completely awe-struck. Oh, and did I mention she’s only 13 years old? Thirteen My karaoke skills suddenly don’t seem so impressive.
Vino Alan (Over 25 — Team L.A. Reid): Vino performed a rendition of Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together,” and while the guy certainly has some powerful singing chops, this particular performance had me feeling a little underwhelmed. There was just nothing memorable about it (I started mentally organizing my grocery list halfway through). Don’t get me wrong, he deserves to be in this competition, but it just wasn’t his night to shine.
Emblem3 (Groups — Team Simon Cowell): The future boy band of America sang “No One” by Alicia Keys — a surprising song choice, but one that seemed to work rather well. Granted, these guys could probably elicit just as much excitement singing the “Happy Birthday” song, but they still have some genuine vocal talent that deserves recognition. And just in case America needed another reason to love these guys, Simon revealed that they also saved kittens earlier this week. So vote for them, guys! Think of the kittens!
CeCe Frey (Young Adults — Team Demi Lovato): CeCe ended the show on a very emotional note, singing Celine Dion’s “All By Myself.” It was a tall order to fill…and she couldn’t quite pull it off. There were some definite pitch problems and it was just a terrible song choice in general. But why review something yourself when you can have Simon do it for you: “The song was called ‘All By Myself.’ That would have been better all by yourself…like with no one in the room.” Sometimes, you just gotta love that man.
But like it or not, not one but two acts will be shown the door during Thursday night’s results show, rounding out our Diva Dozen to the Top 10. Based off of this round of performances, who do you think deserves to sing another day and who should be given the boot? Sound off in the comments below!
Follow Kelly on Twitter @KellyBean0415
[Photo credit: FOX]
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