How many times a day do you need to take a deep breath to buy some time or clear your head and refocus? When you need to refocus, give the “Miracle Breath” a try. This simple little breathing exercise can help you get out of the parts of your brain that control fear and desire and get you back into your frontal cortex. Frontal cortex? What’s that? That’s the part of your brain that helps you think clearly and plan ahead. It’s right there behind the bones of your forehead.

Barbara, with her short sandy colored hair had some tough decisions to make. So many things were swirling around in her head that she felt sick inside from all the questions. Her friends and family told her to just use her willpower and get out of the relationship. But it seemed more complex than that

Would you like some input on what might be holding you back from succeeding? What about a practical resource that can help you naturally overcome any fear you have around failure.

Have you ever found that you failed because did nothing at all or did the opposite of what you needed to do? If so, lack of discipline and fear of failure or even fear of success may have caused you to sabotaged yourself!

Self-sabotage is when you act in opposition to what you are trying to accomplish.

Can you relate to the following ways of sabotaging yourself? What about "procrastination" or putting things off. Maybe you had a great idea but never even started to make it a reality. You never quite took action when you knew you should. Instead, you let the idea roll around in your head until you dropped it.

Perhaps you did start something like writing a book or launching a new business, but then you became overwhelmed and piddled along until you let it drop. Or you went gangbusters for a while--until you had a set back--then you quit. You freaked out or froze. You stopped dead in your tracks and never started again.

Why do people fail? What keeps you from becoming the person you were meant to be and from getting where you want to go?

Maybe you have tremendous talent and ability, but still seem to have trouble succeeding. The reason? Call it what you will: procrastination, letting the ball drop, losing your vision or your focus, fear of failure or fear of success, they all lead to self-sabotage and all have one thing in common.

Old wiring of the neurons in your brain causes your subconscious mind to override your conscious desire for success. You go on auto-pilot and do two things that your past experiences have programmed into your subconscious mind.

Firstly, you find it difficult to focus and discipline yourself. Perhaps you never learned how, or you rather play than work. Secondly, you may struggle with fear. This fear is often hidden, but it can cause you to do the opposite of what you need to do to succeed.

The good news is that your brain is not fixed like your shoe size. Also, some failure is a necessary step for success. It's often through failure that you learn from your mistakes. Now, failure is not your focus, but failure is where you can learn and make progress.

How often have you found that no matter how hard you try to be more loving, or patient, less angry and judgmental, you can't do it? Or you do it for a while then fall back on your old behaviors.

Change is so difficult because of your negative inward reactions. Inward reactions are the automatic reactions of your body (stress), emotions, mind, and will/desires.) You may have trouble with them because you don't pay attention to them. You may not know how to change them or even that they exist.

Usually, negative inward reactions are the result of past painful “unfinished business” that was too overwhelming to face. So you locked away some or all of that information in your subconscious mind.

But the experience and your reactions have not gone away. Something in the present (a sound, a smell, or a comment from a friend) can trigger those reactions. Then, only a real conscious effort will allow you to expose and change them. It's a lot like playing the tunes on a CD. Your inward reactions are the CD and you are the CD player.

There are many approaches to change. If, however, you want change that lasts, you must always change those four inward reactions--bodily stress, emotions, thoughts, and desires.

YOUR TASK. Part of changing your inward reactions is to make what is subconscious conscious. Why? Isn’t it better to just leave these painful things alone? Why bring it all back to the surface?

The answer is that unless you make some things conscious, they sit in you, like bad, rotting food, and poison your whole system. Then when something triggers them, you are doomed to have the same thoughts and feelings and desires, and to do the same things, one more time. You will make the same mistakes over and over. Hopefully, you realize that you don’t want to keep making the same mistakes. Also, you can't consciouly change something if you're not aware of it.

HOW DO YOU MAKE SOMETHING CONSCIOUS AND CHANGE? But how, you might ask, do you make something conscious and change? Start by staying aware of your inward reactions (body, emotions, mind, and will). Your body sensations and emotions in particular are signals from your subconscious. Also. your mind is not always your friend. When you are really upset, note that your mind can get in the way, telling you things are okay, while your body--your gut--is saying, “Watch out!”

THE FASTEST WAY TO LASTING CHANGE. Not only is awareness of your inward reactions the way to your subconscious and to change, it is the fastest way to lasting change. And here's some good news. Once you know what to look for and can identify your reactions, you can use the tools you have to stop repeating the same mistakes and change.

You can retrain yourself to do some different--better for you and those you care for. When you change your inward reactions, you can change your deep beliefs and choose your behaviors. You actually rewire your brain.

In my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, you will find, among other things, amental checklist, tools, and 4 steps to help you recognize your inward reactions, change your deep beliefs, and choose your behaviors. Click here http://amzn.to/Xw2YMZ to see inside the book.

Trying hard to stay calm, cool and collected! This recent status report on Facebook caught my attention. In our super busy world, this statement sums up what many of us are trying to do, much of the time.

BODY We try to stay calm, cool and collected and control stress in our body (tense shoulders, teeth grinding, sweating, and shallow breathing). But often, we fail to manage our stress because we don't know how. Or we ignore and avoid what our body tells us.

EMOTIONS We may try, but find it impossible to control, negative emotions such as fear, anger, shame, and feeling overwhelmed. "I shouldn't feel this way." Perhaps we try to avoid them by distracting ourselves. Or we may avoid them as we block or ignore them. Going numb is a symptom of avoidance.

MIND - WILL We often do the same things with unacceptable thoughts and desires. We try to control them and figure them out. Or try to avoid them as we distract ourselves or go numb.

THEY DON'T JUST DISAPPEAR Whether we try to avoid or control these reactions, we don't take responsibility for them. And so we fail to deal with them constructively. Does that settle the matter? Oh no. Those messages from our bodies, emotions, or minds go underground—into our subconscious. And there they stay until they gather enough power to resurface, or until circumstances force them into our awareness.

A LOSE-LOSE SITUATION So we create a lose-lose conflict. It I let it all hang out, I lose. I hurt people or make a fool of myself. But if I mindlessly and automatically try to avoid or control my thoughts, feelings and desires, I also lose because I don’t really resolve them. What’s a person to do?

Good question. You can’t fix something if you are not aware of it. So why not allow yourself to think what you think, feel what you feel, want what you want? Willingness to stay aware gets you off auto-pilot. Now, you can take responsibiity for your reactions and make healthy changes.

First, the method gives you a mental framework to help you stay in touch with what you feel think, and want. Second, there are simple tools to help you do what’s best for you and for those you care for. Third, there are four key steps to guide your change, in a rliable, systematic way, from inappropriate defensiveness to healthy problem-solving.

Using this method, you learn to feel, think, and want without having to act on it. Instead, you learn to use the framework, tools, and steps to make important changes and take the best course of action. You become your own BFF—best friend forever--and relate in a healthy way to those you care for.