In the recent robot-with-a-soul sci-fi movie Chappie, Ninja and Yo-Landi Vi$$er of the South African rave-rap duo Die Antwoord inexplicably play major roles. And apparently there have been rumors that Ninja, in particular, was a nightmare to work with, that he butted heads with all the actors and hit on every woman on set. These rumors seem oddly plausible! But Ninja has written an editorial for BoingBoing insisting that most of them are untrue, that he and the cast got along fine and that he was a total professional. Even so, the piece is pretty fun and ridiculous. Some choice bits:

i did bump heads a little with brandon auret (hippo) who was juiced up on a copius amount of steroids during filming (to help him stay buff) and so he was on edge the whole time…

during one take brandon was so pumped up that he punched the window of the van that ¥o-landi was sitting right next to, and the window smashed (real glass, not fake glass) and glass went in ¥o-landi’s eye, but she didnt complain, and just went to the medic and got it washed out quietly…

brandons finger got cut open during this incident and he super glued it together, coz he was tweeking so hard and didnt want to wait for stitches…

it was fun working out how to play our scenes with sharlto and dev patel and the other actors, but brandon got a little weird about me suggesting anything and went crying to production about me… but its just water under the bridge coz the HIPPO character was fuckin ill as fuck…

Rumor: ‘NINJA SHOWED GIRLS A PHOTO OF HIMSELF GIVING HIMSELF A BLOW-JOB!’

Ninja: – !!! ok… of all the rumors anyone has ever made up about me, this 1 has 2b da coolest!!! i was like wut?wut?wuuuuut? to be honest, all my friends were amazed when they asked me if this was true!!! i said: fuck i wish it was true! but i haven’t been able to suck my own dick since i was a teenager… i’m not supple enough anymore… maybe if i start yoga