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YES 184

The naivety of the black middle class, blue t-shirt wearing South African is that they think they play on the same

side with white South Africans. The ‘bru’ boys are only your friend when it comes to discussing rugby or soccer but that’s where your similarities end. The blunt force of racism is done by those who are foul mouthed often uneducated whites. Those are the ones who carry the flags at protests, farmers and small blue collar grease balls. Those are the ones who say things that hurt but and this is important, they are not the ones that matter. The real long lasting effects of institutionalized racism, mind warping are the ones in the corporate sector which controls the things that matter to the rest of us. If the economy does not move who is the most likely to complain, I will answer that…the black middle class! If there are no jobs who will most likely complain…the black middle class! If corruption is exposed on black politicians who is most likely to complain…the black middle class! Where does the black middle class work…the private sector! Who runs the private sector? Why can’t the private sector afford a happy black middle class work force? You don’t know, I will answer…apathy! When the black middle class is comfortable in their GTI’s they won’t complain about government but if you starve them of advancement they do the only thing they can…blame the government! I had been played by my looking down on my own people sadly and I had walked right into it with my eyes open and something kept playing on my mind oddly enough… Azwindini!

“Lungi you need to take this seriously I can see you are dosing off right now!”

Simba said touching my shoulder.

“I am not sure what I am supposed to do. Things like this don’t just happen ok. I feel like my life is spiralling and I have no control over it!”

I told him. I really felt like giving up at this moment because one person can’t go through what I had gone through and expect to remain sane!

“So what’s giving up going to do for you? Is it going to make it go away? The answer is no and this is adulting so grow up and start being an adult!”

He said snapping at me. Why did he have to snap though it’s not like I had all the answers mxim?

“I don’t need you shouting at me Simba. I just want to hide under a rock and wake up when all this goes away!”

I told him.

“Well you should wake up and smell the coffee, those people are after your ass and we need to get them off your scent! I had an idea when I was being interrogated. I told them we offered you a post which you rejected.”

He told me.

“I don’t remember rejecting your job offer Simba is this your way of abandoning me as well. You are tossing me aside too?”

I asked him in disbelief. The knife had not even left my back yet from the betrayal that company was doing to me and this guy was already leaving me out to hang.

“I said I had an idea so hear me out, you are going to reject that offer. We are going to back date your response to you rejecting the offer of employment!”

He told me.

“I really am not sure how is that going to help?”

I told him or asked him I don’t know even know anymore the way I was so confused with all that was going through my mind right now.

“We need to take everything they are throwing at you and dismantle their arguments one by one!”

He said and now it made sense.

“Won’t we be committing fraud though because I am pretty certain that is what they call defeating the ends of justice!”

I told him. This sounded like a bad idea.

“As long as they can argue that we offered you a job and there is no proof to show that you actually said no to it that would mean that it’s a 50\50 decision by whoever is adjudicating on the decision!”

He advised me. It’s not that I am a stubborn person, that’s not it at all. The problem with this is that I was not a believer in two wrongs making a right. Things often tend to get messy and worse on occasions like this.

“Ok then, you need think about it I have given you the advice my lawyers offered me to give you. We can’t be seen to be conspiring together that’s why I did not want to say where we are meeting. The other side basically gave me a court order to prevent that so our communication might be strained. I did take the liberty of getting you a phone with a r2 sim card and I got one two. This is where we will communicate until these things settles!”

He told me as he stood time. The skull and dagger thing was not for me especially when my mind was this unclear.

“Simba why are you doing this for me though? You stand to lose your company or reputation at the very least if you help me?”

I asked him. It was also not in his personality to take risks as he was a super cautious person, the type of man women write to agony aunt columns to say how boring they are!

“You still don’t get it do you?”

He said shaking his head.

“Figure it out on your own!”

He said with a slight smile but I could see that there was hurt behind his eyes. It was obviously because he loved me and before I could say anything he shook his head and said,

“I thought you knew!”

Then he just walked away just like that. Simba was not the type of man who was overly emotional; he was more methodical than that. How long was he going to stick around to help me?

I decided to call Nthabiseng with the line that had been given to me by Simba.

“Hi it’s me!”

I told her.

“Is this a new number?”

She asked me.

“Yes its temporary since you did not want us to talk.”

I told her.

“No I did not say that. I am the one who gave him the phone and I am the one who gave him the advice he gave you.”

She told me. Things really do happen so fast and if you don’t pay attention they can also pass you by.

“So what am I supposed to do now?”

I asked her.

“Did you do the things at the bank?”

I asked her.

“Yes I did but will explain in person though!”

I told her.

“Ok I know you are nervous, we are waiting for them to make contact with you then we will intervene. The reason why I know what’s going on is because Simba’s lawyer is a friend.”

She said. She did not want to talk further so we hung up after that leaving me to my thoughts. I felt like everyone was looking me at this moment. Why was I feeling guilty though I had not done anything wrong? With the money going and it being December the best thing for me to do was shop. I had been told that I should wait so I was going to do just that. I was in a mall, Melrose to be exact and they have some of the best and most expensive shops in the country. Let’s see what this Black Card can do.

“Shopping shopping!”

Funny enough I am not those women who think shopping makes you look powerful. I find them silly and tacky when I see them in the mall showing off with shopping bags. Use your money for bigger more meaningful things I believe but oh well, today I was that frivolous unimaginative slay queen.

My phone rang. It was my sister. I had not even bought one thing yet what did she want.

“Lungi where are you we need to talk!”

My sister said to me without even greeting me first. There was urgency in her tone as though she was panicking.

“Not now I have a lot of things to do can we make it some other time!”

I told her dismissively. I did not have time for her shenanigans but I will make time for her.

“I am afraid it can’t wait but I can’t tell you over the phone. Please come home I need to talk to you today please Lungi!”

She begged me.

“Ok but I won’t stay long if I come!”

I warned her.

“Thank you, thank you I love you so much for this!”

She said sounding very excited again. What the hell could she be calling me for? Driving there I swear I could not concentrate at all because everything that Simba had said kept swamping back in. Was I willing to break the law to save my ass? Is this the person I had become for this company who I truly hated!

“Lungi you came!”

My sister said all excited when she saw me.

“I drove here as fast as I could and I was about to say what’s wrong but clearly you are too happy for anything to be wrong so I have to ask…what’s right?”

I asked her.

I was actually annoyed but I was not going to burst her moment.

“Ok cool please sit down do you want something to drink, tea, water anything?”

She asked me.

“Since when do you offer me water just say what’s on your mind I really have a place to go!”

I told her. I really was trying to hold back from shouting at her for wasting my time.

“Ok so you know that Mbuso and I have been dating each other right?”

She asked me.

“Yes I do. It’s a few weeks or so now right?”

I asked her.

“Goodness don’t say it like that!”

She protested playfully punching me on the shoulder playfully.

“Well I don’t know how else to say the truth unfortunately!”

I told her and I was not trying to shut her down either. They started dating after my mother died and I doubt my mother’s body was even cold at this stage so she can’t be acting like I was being dramatic with this.

“Ok cool but I have some news…”

She went quiet as though waiting for me to get excited with anticipation,

“Speak I really have to go!”

I told her.

“Ok don’t freak out but Mbuso asked me to marry him this morning!”

She said showing me her finger. There was a rock on it and surprisingly a big rock but I did not care.

I am a married woman with one child with my husband. When I was pregnant my husband was ever present and took care of me. After we gave birth he started pulling away. I suspected he was having an affair and eventually I found out. He was sleeping with my sister. It devastated me. I wanted a divorce but somehow we worked through it. I could never trust him again after that though and right now I feel like even when he leaves for work every morning he is up to something. I am now unhappy and it’s affecting the relationship. I don’t have a job but I have been looking. Is there a way I can regain my trust in him? I have not spoken to my sister since this happened but my mother is elderly and sick so she has been asking us to make amends before she dies! She betrayed me and I can never talk to her again.

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30 thoughts on “YES 184”

Hillbrow, why did you find it easy to work things out with your man yet choose to not attempt to sort things out with your sister? Isn’t blood thicker than water? Your man also betrayed you in as much as your sister did. Get off your high horse and sort things out with your sister before its too late. And in terms of your marriage once trust is broken there really isn’t much left to any relationship. Take time out and work on your emotions about what happened and get closure. That closure will determine what to do here on out.

I don’t think she’s on any high horse. Thing is when guys are wrong, they are able to beg and apologize so profoundly until they are forgiven. But women all have pride, especially towards each other. The sister might have not even apologised or did a fake apology, once, with no intent of being forgiven.

Hillbrow: So….lets unpack this quickly , your husband and sister BOTH betrayed you…in the same way….you forgive your husband but cant forgive your sister???? What is it that she did , that is different to your husband that you cant find it in your heart to forgive her???

Your sister is your blood…you share the same mother …. Your husband made vows TO YOU, he CHOSE to marry YOU.. and he CHOSE to go outside and look for whatever it is, that he was not getting at home…. Again I ask, what is your sister’s sin, that is greater than your husband ,that she did that you can forgive him and not her??

Moving on… Trust is a very delicate thing…Once broken it is hard to earn back, and things will never be the same again.. Your husband who did the cheating will need to earn back your trust, if he is willing to work on the marriage then he needs to earn your trust and be patient with you as this wont happen over night!!! You also need to give yourself some time to work on your emotions as this has clearly hit you harder than you are letting on!!!

if blood is thicker than water then the sister should not have slept with her sister’s husband. my best friend also slept with my ex boyfriend and i stopped communicating with them both period,but i am more angry at my friend than my ex because boys will be boys but girlfriends and sisters are suppose to have each other’s back no matter what. so if i was in Hilbrow’ shoes i will do the same. if you sleep with my man then you are no sister of mine.

This “boys will be boys ” notion is the exact thing that perpetuates the behaviour of cheating men as norm??? Why is it that it is okay for the Husband to cheat on his wife but someone else is totally wrong for doing the EXACT same deed , but because they are female it is more wrong??

The patriarchy of morals for men and women will ALWAYS be like this. if we accept things that we shouldn’t ….

I’m with you on this one. As my blood my sister should be fighting my battles and be loyal to me. This is the worst betrayal ever. I’m sure I would be admitted if this were to happen to me. I can expect this from friends but my own sister hhawu ngeke fam.

So you never talked to your sister again and yet you forgave your husband and continue to sleep with him?? That alone needs some serious thinking. You will never regain trust for your husband period!! quite playing emotional games and focus on whats right. As for your mother she means well but forgiveness takes time. Make sure you do it before its too late for yourself though….

This one is tricky, what if the sister is not showing remorse for the cheating or even worse parading a flag on how she took her sister’s most prized possession. Some families are messed up and I would not be surprised if her sister has personality issues or was just looking to taste her sister’s nice lifestyle. I am more curious on the husband’s background and the sister too. We could stand to be surprised in a big way.

Talking from experience, Like you guys say that blood is thicker than water, WHERE was ALL that when her SISTER opened her legs for her HUSBAND?? Men come and go, marriage work out or fail but Family is for enternity, to say the least. Her sister is the LAST person she expected to cause her happiness, thats her blood sister, someone she probably confides in and the sister knows EXACTLY how much she loves her husband YET her envy had no boundries nor does her hormones have any loyalty. The worse betrayal is from those youleast expect it from akd because of that Sister bond, it makes it hard for her to forguve her EVIL sister!! It should have been the blokd sisters against the world and looking out for one another. Had her husband cheated with a random Becky from the streets, she wouldnt be as much hurt BUT this betray is close to home! Don’t bash her if you have never been betrayed from those close to you, if you ever had your best friend/friend sleep with your boyfriend TRUST me her pain is turn times worse cos this is HER HUSBAND!! Finding ANOTHER husband aint as easy as finding a new boyfriend!

Mike, thank you for the great read, Lungi’s misfortunes just keeps dancing on top of her head. Its too much badluck for one person. I hope she can just tell the sis that she slept with Mbuso already!!Jeez

Thank you Tina.. Some people dont realise just how much more painful it is to be betrayed by someone you least expect and love very much. They (sister and husband) could be guilty of the same thing but the magnitude of the pain differs. So, good luck hillbrow. I hope you somehow find healing and strength to forgive your sister.
As for trusting your husband again, he will need to work hard at restoring that trust. You will not be able to do it on your own. Even if it means he needs to report his whereabouts and call you every now and then, just to reassure you. Then so be it, but he should take initiative.

I always say that men are dead wrong for approaching other women whilst married but I strongly believe that woman have the power to shut down a married mans advances towards her, we really need to trust ourselves more! So yes it takes two to tango but her sister should have said NO to her husband period! She should have known better, should have thought about her sister and pain this will bring to her and the entire family! She should have known that blood is thicker than water first!

I am sorry that you have found yourself in a situation like this one. What is important right now is that you heal from the hurt and pain you have been caused by your husband and yout sister. What they have done to you is a double betrayal, your husband has betrayed you and your sister too. Now your letter did not give us all the details we need to understand what transpired after the ‘affair’ was exposed, also we do not have some background information on the kind of relationship you have with your sister. I hate to make assumptions too for obvious reasons. I understand that sincerity and remorse plays a huge role when someone apologises. I guess your husband apologised and showed sincerity (like most do with their tail caught between their legs) that is why you forgave him. However you will never trust him again and there is no way of regaining that trust. Once the trust is broken, then it’s lost forever especially in cases of married people. Accept what has happened and forge a way forward in order for happiness to be reinstated in your marriage. I would suggest that you go for family counselling together with your husband and you will be able to get a solution on how to make amends with your sister. If sibling rivalry is a contributing factor here then it will change the resolution process. Talk to someone professional and give them all the relevant information so that they can help you fix your relationship with your sister. I have plenty of advice for you but I don’t want to give you the wrong kind of advice without knowing all the details. All the best.

I am so sorry you have to go through this especially if a family member is involved. Your sister is needs Jesus stru how the hell does she find herself falling for her sister’s husband haibo that is sick nje I have a sister and believe you me her man ain’t my type I haven’t even thought far nxa I really don’t blame you for not forgiving her, some of you guys want to go on and say how can she forgive the husband and not the sister will its simple she is her sister who was not supposed to open her legs for her husband I mean really what kind of sick person does that. sistas I don’t know how you going to get through this but you best believe that you will and remember Karma is real wena just pray to God and ask him for guidance, heal and eventually you will forgive both of them yes u say you forgave your hubby but I doubt you did coz if you did you wouldn’t doubt him so take your time talk to someone and heal mama healing is very important as it will make things clearer and easier for you to know what you want and need.

Dear Hillbrow
If you are still angry and still suspect your husband, means that you haven’t forgiven him but rather seeking security and you’ll leave him when you are secure. So do yourself and get out of that marriage since it has become an unhappy one. As for your sister…please forgive her, even if she shouldn’t have done what she did. I mean, you don’t wanna regret it if she passes or regret being the cause of sick mother.
My 2 cents.

I see everybody blaming the sister BUT what about the husband? Where is his loyalty? What about those vows he took? Does he not take responsibility of what he did? Yho vele that’s why men will always win in this life thing because nobody here bats an eye towards him. Overall both the sister and husband are EQUALLY trash.

So if the mom passes on without the sister being forgiven it’s the married sisters fault? No, I don’t subscribe to that nonsense. Bullshit people must be held to account. We take this forgiveness thing too far sometimes in black culture when we allow perpetrators to get off lightly “for the sake of peace in the family”. If you ladies didn’t read, Hillbrow has a baby by this man so she cannot throw away the whole marriage & bills & what not. Own your bullshit behaviors and tendencies ladies and don’t come nwe nwe when people react to your bullshit! If blood was thicker than water, sister would’ve never betrayed her PREGNANT sister.

Wow apparently u hv forgiven the husband bt not ur sis,yooh sesi blood is thicker than water nd i bet ur husband is the 1 who started the whole thing,make ammends with ur sister ausi or dnt forgive them both