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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Lately having a toddler has been a bit trying for me. The constant "whys," the curiosity bubbling over into everything, the sometimes seemingly outright defiance, the fact that sometimes I wonder if her ears really work at all.

Having a three year old is so much fun and so much work all at the same time.

I love that she's curious about everything. I love that she asks questions and wants to know more about just about every issue known to mankind.

I hate that when I'm tired or frustrated or frazzled that my patience is short with her. I hate that sometimes I take my anxieties about other things in the world and let them boil over into how I'm interacting with her.

I've been doing a lot of thinking on this lately. Lots of reading and compiling of information.

I found this blog post at Code Name Mama and definitely think it's worth a read:

I strive to be a gentle parent but I'll admit it's difficult at times lately. I've found myself doing a lot of "1-2-3-Calm down" (the technique we use with Beanie when she is uber upset and can't calm down enough to let us know what's going on).

It's important for me not to take my anxiety and let it influence how I interact with Beanie. She's three. She's curious. She's exploring her world and learning new things every day. Sometimes it's infuriating. Most of the time it amazes me.

How do you deal with things when you feel like you're reaching the breaking point?

Monday, August 30, 2010

Today is day number one of my re-elimination of soy. Bubby has been showing many signs that something is bothering him and this seems to be the most logical step. I haven't been consuming a lot of soy, but it is sneakily in everything it seems. I'll have to be more careful & vigilant again.

I think we'll move toward consuming only whole foods. I'm going to tinker with concocting some marinades -- any ideas?

I'm hoping this is the answer. He was doing so well for awhile. My best guess is that this should help. I'll keep you posted.

This week is all about spending as little money as possible on food. With my back out I was a little careless with keeping on top of the budgeting, balancing of the checkbook and etc and so this week we need to spend next to nothing on food. We are going to go through the freezer and cabinets and get creative! Actually, our meals are going to be really boring for this week. We tried to plan meals where we just needed to buy one or two things to finish them off.

I'm also going to go soy-free again so our menu plan may have to change a bit to accommodate that. Bubby has been having a hard time and Glenn & I have come to the conclusion that there must be something else aggravating him. Since he was doing so much better before I have the feeling that it is something I eliminated and then reintroduced, but we are also looking at eliminating corn from my diet.

Anyhoo, without further ado, here is our menu plan. Again, we plan Saturday - Friday so I'll set it up that way :)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I've been writing this post in my head for quite a bit, but there's nothing like an interesting dinner table conversation to really get a blog post rolling.

Bubby has never had a bottle. He probably never will.

I've thought about it. I have nothing against bottles. If you want to pump and give your kid expressed breastmilk, if you want to supplement with a bottle of formula, if you choose to formula feed or your life circumstances dictate that you formula feed I have nothing against that. It's your decision, not mine.

For me, bottles seem like a pain in the ass and a bunch of work. The first thought to cross my mind when I think of bottle-feeding Bubby is, Why????

My boobs work just fine.
So, last night we went out to Claim Jumpers with my dad, stepmom and sister. I was excited to see they had a gluten-free menu (although most of it contained dairy so I had to be extra vigilant). Somehow over the course of dinner the conversation turned to the fact that I still haven't gone shopping with the Nordstrom gift card Glenn gave me for my birthday. Or that I haven't used the gift certificates he gave me for a massage last Mother's Day. Like 2009.

Point taken. I'm really bad at taking time for myself. But, I'm working on it.

My sister is going on and on about how her birthday gift to me was going to be a fancy lunch out, just us girls. So, now we have to go get massages (Glenn got two gift certs so we could go together), go out to lunch and go on a shopping spree. An all day affair. And, she says, Bubby needs to be okay with having bottles for a day. To which I reply, "Do you even realize how much my boobs would hurt if I was gone all day long??!!?"

I'm sure my dad was really excited about all the boob talk over his chili dinner.

And my stepmom says to Glenn, "Can't she express?" I quickly replied that yes, we had a small freezer stash but I was not discussing this right now.

I really don't think my dad, stepmom or sister have any real idea of what we were talking about. My sister and I were both formula-fed so my dad has no experience with breastfeeding, my stepmom never nursed her children, my sister doesn't have kids. Of course I can pump if I wanted to. In the middle of a shopping spree? Not so much fun. *insert fun visual image here*

If Bubby needed to have a bottle then we would try it. But, I don't really see the need. He's almost six months old. His feedings are usually pretty spaced out, or at least spaced out enough that I can run out and enjoy a little time to myself if I wanted to. I don't have any desire to be gone all day long. The time that I am Bubby's sole source of nutrition is fleeting in the scheme of things; it doesn't bother me to be at his beck and call, so to speak. He needs me close by. That won't always be the case and, for now, I am enjoying it.

I'm getting better and taking time to myself, even if it's just a nice long shower without a toddler playing in the tub or a baby in the room with me. Maybe taking twenty minutes to read a book or check my email in peace. Real honest-to-goodness me time.

I was really feeling ganged up on last night. I mentioned that to Glenn on the way home. I thought he and my stepmom were also talking about it while I was conversing with my sister. I guess that wasn't the case. I don't really feel the need to explain myself to my extended family about how we do things because that's just how we do things. I don't expect them to always understand, but just to be respectful.

To bottle or not to bottle? When I was having a really rough time I was thinking it might not be such a bad idea. Now I'm feeling good about how things are going and I just don't see the need. And I definitely don't see the need to discuss it over dinner at Claim Jumpers.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Apparently I have quite a few subluxations in my spine. I'm all sorts of messed up from my neck all the way down my spine. My neck is really bad. The curvature to my spine is gone (and even tilted forward a bit) and some of the vertebrae are showing signs of degeneration. The chiropractor kept asking (again) if I'd ever had a bad car accident or trauma.

I have chiropractic treatments scheduled for the next sixteen weeks to fix the problems that are presenting right now and to try and fix and eliminate the underlying problems I have so the pain doesn't come back. I don't know why I'm so surprised. My mom has a horrible back. She's gone to a chiropractor for as long as I can remember.

It hurts to sit at the computer right now. Basically it hurts to do just about anything. I can't wear Bubby which is killing me. It's hard to hold him and comfort him. I can't pick up Beanie. I can't really do anything.

I am feeling a ton better already, but I'm really ready to be feeling 100%.

Bubby has been cranky lately. He has been having hives off and on. I just can't figure out what's going on with him. Is there another allergy or intolerance that we're missing? Is he just in a cranky stage? Teething? Growing? Etc?

It's hard to get out of the house. I'm feeling down. Anxious. Not being able to use the Moby or Ergo makes things ten times harder because that's how we're used to getting out and about.

I just want a break. Really. Is that too much to ask? The colic. The thrush. The intolerances. Glenn's work. Anxiety. My back. Can a lady catch a break here?

I feel guilty we haven't been doing as much. Beanie wants to get out. The house looks like crap. Glenn has been working so much and then helping out at home. It's times like these I wish some of our completely crazy family lived a bit closer. Then I think about how nuts I would be if they really did live closer.

At least I'll be getting a little me time for the next sixteen weeks. I'm going in four times a week for the next two weeks, then three times a week for ten weeks and then once a week for four weeks.

Ah. Me time. At the chiropractor's office. Gotta love it.

Boo. I'm just not feeling the love right now. Anywhere.

I'm just lonely, in pain and ready for a break from all this craziness.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Last week was pretty good! The hardest part for me with menu planning is that Glenn doesn't always want to eat what we have planned as the week progresses. I've started asking him for more input before we shop, but he still waffles as the week goes on. This week we have a few extra meals on hand so I'm hoping that the shopping we did on Saturday really holds us over for all of our meals this coming week.

Last week was so hectic I didn't get a chance to look at many of the other links over at I'm an Organizing Junkie, but I'm going to link up at Menu Plan Monday again and I'm hoping to have a little more time to look around for new ideas this week.

So, without further ado, here is our menu plan for this week. As I said last week, we plan Saturday - Friday so I'm going to post that way. Also, we don't necessarily tie one meal to each day, but rather decide on seven meals and then decide on the meal we'll be having as we go.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Tonight I was adventurous and we tried a new recipe. It was rainy & cool this morning and I felt like trying out this soup recipe a friend sent me. This is an adaptation from Cooking Light's Italian Sausage Soup.

Chop sausage into bite size pieces and heat in a large saucepan over medium heat.

Add broth, tomatoes (undrained), and pasta to pan. Bring to a boil over high heat. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer for ten minutes or until pasta is cooked. Remove from heat; stir in spinach until wilted. Sprinkle each serving with basil and cheese (if not dairy free).

The soup was delicious!! Beanie ate every last bite and didn't even fish out certain things she didn't want. I had seen these tasty looking gluten-free baguettes from Wheatless in Seattle and I knew it would be the perfect complement to the soup. It was!

This dinner is definitely going into our regular rotation. Next time I'll likely double the recipe. It was so easy to make & will make a perfect fall or winter dinner.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Okay, not really, but as I was waiting for my appointment and saw the doc walking up (because they only see emergency patients on Friday) I really, truly thought The Rock was going to be adjusting my spine.

And I was scared. See, I'm not one of those gals who thinks Dwayne Johnson is hot. At all. He's intimidating.

And apparently he was also going to be my chiropractor.

I was more than a little relieved when the doc came in and in the up close and personal looked nothing at all like The Rock. Well, except maybe for his arms.

Yesterday morning I woke up and could hardly move. My whole right upper back was aching. Throbbing. I was in so much pain. Glenn suggested calling a chiropractor but I'd never been and, to be honest, was a little scared of all the joint popping type stuff. Plus, I was sure that I had just slept wrong and the muscle tension would work itself out.

This morning I woke up feeling a little better. I was pretty optimistic that things were improving. And then I sneezed. It was like the end of the world. I couldn't move. Sweet Beanie brought me the little massager thingy from the living room and I tried to get my back to feel good enough so I could make my way out of the bedroom. I realized this wasn't something that was just going to work itself out.

I called the chiropractor that's right down the street. They would see me today as I was an emergency. I guess not being able to move and unable to care for your children qualifies you for an emergency visit. That and I'm sure they knew if they didn't see me that day I would go somewhere that would.

Dr. Ricky (yes, that's what the receptionist called him and, yes, that freaked me out a little more than him looking like The Rock from far away) ran all these tests and took an x-ray of my neck and spine. He kept asking what I'd been doing. I don't know. Carrying around a 17lb baby. He asked if I'd fallen or been in an accident or could identify a time I got hurt. Nope. Apparently my spine is pretty screwed up. Like from neck to tail bone.

He adjusted me, which he said they didn't usually do on the first appointment but since I was in so much pain he would try to alleviate some of it. It helped. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Hearing my neck pop all sort of craziness was a little weird. He told me to ice twenty minutes on - forty minutes off as much as I could over the weekend. Right. I've been trying, but it's sort of hard with a baby and a toddler to care for.

My back does feel better. Now instead of feeling like I want to curl up and die I feel like I lifted a whole bunch of weights yesterday. Or at least what I imagine it would feel like if I lifted a whole bunch of weights since I haven't done anything like that in about fifteen years.

I have another appointment on Monday so I'm hoping things keep improving!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

When I was pregnant with Beanie I joined an online birth club. I also posted a little when I was pregnant with Bubby, although I am definitely not that involved with the latter group. Right now, as the babies are nearing four and five months old, all the talk is of baby food.

Oh, baby food. I guess when Beanie was little it sounded more exciting. Fun even. Like, oooh I get to make baby food and feed her with a spoon and oh it'll be so much fun. Then we tried it. Beanie wasn't really interested which was fine by me. We fed her small amounts and I didn't worry when she still nursing non-stop. I think this guide on how to introduce solids provides a wealth of information and that's, basically, the approach we took.

This time around? Not so exciting. It's so easy to nurse. I can do it anywhere. I don't need to bring anything with me. We are definitely waiting until Bubby is at least six months old and may wait even longer. I'm trying to read up on it because I am a little nervous given his food intolerances. It may be better for him to delay the introduction of any other foods.

I am excited to make my own baby food again. I am itching to go to the farmers markets and pick up some produce for Bubby's first foods. We do not start with baby cereal. I did a lot of reading on this when we were introducing foods with Beanie and it just isn't necessary. Recently I have heard some moms saying that their (pretty main-stream) pediatricians have been saying that cereal doesn't have to be the first food, which is nice to hear after the "battle" we had with our previous pediatrician about it.

It's hard to believe that baby food is even on the horizon. I look at my little chunk who rolls all over the living room, almost sits on his own, and thinks his sister is the funniest person in the world and remember how he was just five months ago. Time is flying.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I alluded to this in a previous post, but Beanie has been having some tummy issues. Today we took her in to Children's to have an upper GI.

Basically, she's pukey. She's always had quite a gag reflex when she gets too much in her mouth, something on the back of her tongue, when she's sick, the list goes on and on. If she coughs hard, she pukes.

It's always been pretty random or at least we could identify that she had a cold or some other virus that might be contributing to the issue. Last week it happened every day for three days. She started to complain of pain the third day. She was starting to be afraid to eat, saying that the food would make her sick. We tried to gently explain that the food wouldn't make her sick and that it was okay to eat.

Since it was happening so frequently with no apparent underlying reason we called the pediatrician. We went in last Wednesday and she thought it was a strange situation as well. We decided to proceed with having Beanie get an upper GI to rule out the possibility that there was a kink or other abnormality in her GI tract causing her to throw up.

This morning we headed to Children's. We told her all along that they were just going to take some pictures of her tummy. Before we left the house I took some pictures of her tummy with my cell phone too. She handled it like a champ; she was excited each time the tech came out for more scans, she loved playing in the little playroom while she was waiting, she handed out books to the other children who were waiting (many of them for surgeries I believe), and was, overall, having a good time. I was a bit worried about Glenn having to take her in, not because he couldn't handle it (because of course he can!), but because Beanie has been in a very I-want-mommy-all-the-time stage. We told her ahead of time that Daddy was going to go back with her to get the pictures taken and that Mommy and Bubby would be waiting outside for her when she was all done. I think the time we took to prepare her for everything really helped.

And, thank goodness, we got the results back this afternoon and everything looks great. I guess it was just some random occurrence that it happened three days in a row. Now we'll just watch her and make sure it's not getting worse again and see how things go. She doesn't seem to be as afraid to eat and when she coughs we remind her that it's okay to cough and that just because you cough doesn't mean you're going to throw up.

Oooh, my first ever blog award. Although I'm not really sure what a blog award means, but I do feel honored nonetheless. Special thanks to Sandy over at Suddenly Sandy for passing the Sweet Blog Award over to me. Rule is I have to pass it along to ten other bloggers, so here are ten of my favorite blogs. Make sure and check them out!

1. The Shafer Family -- Because Jill is brutally honest about everything she goes through and, although she will totally deny it, she is a supermom. She has so many cool activities on her blog that I'm just itching to try out.

2. Best Laid Plans -- Because, although we've never met, I read her posts and they're often exactly what I would write on a topic.

3. Mom to Bee -- Because she blogs about stuff I wouldn't dream of writing about (think strep B tests and colonoscopies) and cracks me up every time.

Monday, August 16, 2010

We've been trying to plan planning our weekly meals. Every Saturday morning I go and shop for the coming week. It really helps us save some money in our food budget. Basically, eating gluten- and dairy-free has ruined our food budget. I just have to spend more money on things to actually feel like I can eat. I mean, sure, I could eat fruit sorbet but, coconut milk ice-cream is so much more expensive yummier. I've pretty much failed and the weekly shopping and menu planning the last two weeks. We've (and by we I mean Glenn) has been grabbing stuff at the store every day. I'll be honest -- I am struggling lately. Glenn has really stepped up and helped out, but I know it's too much for him. I'm trying to get better and overcome this blah I've-got-so-much-to-do-and-just-can't-seem-to-get-anywhere feeling.

A couple weeks ago, I saw my friend over at Lil' Miss Sunshine linked up to something called Menu Plan Monday at I'm an Organizing Junkie & I thought I should link up -- maybe it'll help with my motivation of actually sticking with it. Organizing is something I really need help with! I'm trying to take baby steps, but I feel like it's two steps forward and three steps back lately.

But, anyway, what was this post about? Our menu plan! It really does save us money and really helps to be able to look up at our white board and see what our options are. The way we do it is to plan seven meals, but not feel tied down to having Monday's meal on Monday. We decide the morning of. That's for Glenn -- he wanted a little more spontaneity. So, without further ado, here's our menu plan for the week...

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Early in my elimination diet a friend who was also trying to identify intolerances in her little one told me she found some gluten-free chocolate muffins at Whole Foods. I wondered if they'd be everything-free enough that I could enjoy them. And they are! Udi's Gluten free Double Chocolate Muffins are also dairy free, soy free and nut free. And they are delicious. They are moist and perfectly chocolaty. Pair them with a cup of coffee and some So Delicious French Vanilla coconut milk coffee creamer and you might find me breaking my no-chocolate-for-breakfast rule. They're perfect for a dessert too.

When I found out I had to be gluten-free and dairy-free for Bubby, I thought I was going to have to miss out on delicious baked goods. I found a lot of yummy-looking items that were gluten-free but not dairy-free or dairy-free but not gluten-free. Then I found Udi's muffins and realized I don't really have to miss out on anything at all.

Glenn, who's not gluten-free, even just asked me if he could have one of my muffins. Beanie likes them too. In fact, they taste better than many "regular" muffins I've had so even if you're not gluten- and dairy-free you might want to give them a try. They're on sale locally at PCC for $4.99 through the end of August. I bought two packs yesterday (one for now, one in the freezer) and I'm sure I'll go back for more by the end of the month.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I wish I would've had a midwife caring for me during my entire pregnancy. I wish I would've had the courage to take the leap and transfer care much earlier in our pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I did transfer care when I did, but I sure wish I could've walked out of every prenatal appointment with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. Okay, maybe not the skip in my step, especially with contractions from doing just about anything from 33weeks on, but you get the idea. I wish I wouldn't have kept telling myself that my OB was so great with Beanie's birth and that we would be able to have the same experience again with her.

I am so glad that when I was 33 weeks pregnant my OB's office totally dropped the ball, pissed me off and gave me the courage to transfer care. It was just the extra push I needed to really feel comfortable with my prenatal care. And given how Bubby's birth went, the fact that I transferred care to a midwife probably saved me from a lot of unnecessary intervention and, quite possibly, a c-section. (Not that a c-section is the end of the world, obviously there are times when a c-section is warranted for both mom and baby's health -- just in my situation Bubby obviously needed a little more time than I'm sure the OB would've "given" me.)

I should be thankful that I have had two straightforward and natural deliveries. That my two babes entered this world peacefully. Pushing with Bubby was a lot more work than with Beanie -- the only thing I wonder about his birth is if I should have consented to AROM to help with his descent (the MW thought perhaps the bulging water bag was slowing his descent somewhat and he was already at +1 station). On the other hand, it could've gotten him stuck and I know that. I made my decision as an informed mama -- and I was glad to stick to my guns and have absolutely no intervention with Bubby's birth. Beanie's birth truly exceeded my expectations as a first time mom. Bubby's birth, while completely different than I envisioned, showed me that I was a much stronger person than I knew.

We've always said we'd only have two kids. I only want two kids. My little family feels complete. But I do regret not switching care earlier, really doing what deep down I knew was best for the two of us. I sort of wish I'd had the chance to experience a birth center (or home) birth. But, what's done is done.

I don't know. I feel a bit silly posting about this when many mamas work through much more difficult circumstances. I feel very, very lucky to have had two births go (pretty much) just how I wished.

But, but, but...

Glenn scheduled his snip-snip (or, as he calls it, getting "donkey kicked in the balls") for September. I've been on him to schedule the darn thing already. I feel it's a good decision, THE correct decision since we feel as though our family is complete.

I'll never have a pregnancy attended wholly by a midwife. I'll never give birth in a birth center or at home.

I did get to have two of the most amazing experience of my life. And two perfect little babies (who are getting bigger every day!) to boot.

And I can advocate and help inform friends and family who give birth after me so that they are well-informed (truly informed) about their birth options.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Tonight for dinner we BBQ'd chicken and I made a quinoa salad. I adapted this couscous recipe from Cooking Light. It's been one of our favorites for a long time. I make it chilled; I tried it warm (as the recipe calls for the first time) and didn't especially care for it. But, as a chilled salad it is amazing. We always leave out the red onions and I just chop the ingredients (cucumber, Kalamata olives & grape tomatoes) and stir them in until it looks like enough. Always more than the recipe calls for. I guess I like more "stuff" in my salad. Except for the chickpeas; in my opinion one can is more than enough for a double recipe. I left the feta out of mine, but Glenn & Beanie had some in theirs. Actually, the feta is about all Beanie ate of the quinoa but we let it slide because of her recent tummy issues (more on that later).

It's such an easy recipe. I don't know why I don't make it more often. You just cook (and chill if you like) the quinoa. Stir in the olives, cucumber, tomatoes & chickpeas (and feta if desired). Toss with a dressing of water, lemon juice, salt & pepper and Waalaa! a delicious dinner is served.

Glenn actually said he prefers it with the quinoa. I did too. I'm glad we have a lot of leftovers!!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Lately things have been, er, overwhelming. I just can't seem to get a foot up on anything. Especially around the house. I have a kitchen full of dishes, a couch full of laundry, and clutter everywhere. Errands to run. Things that need to be taken care of. And no motivation.

It's weird. I go through spurts where I'm really on a roll. Where I get a ton of things done. The house is spotless pretty darn clean. At least tidied up enough that I feel like things are manageable.

I'm not one of those people who think that everything has to be perfect all the time. I mean, surely I would've liked it if my little "routine" from when the condo was for sale had stuck and I always had a beautiful, sparkly clean home but, let's face it, with two kiddos that just isn't going to happen. I just want some semblance of cleanliness. I take it as a bad sign when Beanie cleans up her playroom and thinks cleaning up her dishes means throwing them in her kitchen sink. LOL.

I keep telling myself if only I get into a routine. If only the house was totally spotless and then I could just maintain. If only there were about six more hours in each day. (But who am I kidding, those six hours would be full of things to do too.)

We've had some curve balls thrown our way lately. The thrush - again. Bubby has been going through a growth spurt. He was upset, fussy and having yucky diapers again late last week and over the weekend.

Glenn has mentioned a couple times that maybe it would be a good idea to see if we could get a housekeeper to come once a week or every other week or something. I know he's not saying, "Boy, you sure do a shitty job around the house so we'd better get some help." He's trying to come up with something to help, but I can't help but hear the former. And with trying to save money right now, I just can't see ponying up the dough for a housekeeper just because I can't seem to get my junk together. Must be part of my super mom I-must-do-it-all complex.

But, today we have absolutely no plans. It's unseasonably cool out right now, almost feels like an Autumn morning. I'm motivated. A little. I do know that I feel better with a tidy, uncluttered house. It clears my head. You would think the end result would be enough to catapult me to getting there, but no such luck. Going to try and make a little dent in it today.

So, I'm signing off before I find a million other things to check on the computer....

I don't really have the adequate words for this post right now, but since I have posted a few times about my friend's son Christopher and his battle with cancer I thought I should update and let everyone know that Christopher passed away yesterday. He had come home earlier this week after MRIs showed that his cancer continued to progress, that the original mass was larger and there was another mass in his brain and more along his spine. Christopher was tired, the medicine was making him sick and his parents decided to bring him home and try to keep him pain-free and comfortable for the remainder of his life.

Rest in peace Christopher. Your life touched so many people. Your family is so strong. I am short on words, but so glad you are no longer in pain.

I'm not a religious person. The fact that a three year-old can die of cancer pains me. It solidifies my belief that there must not be any greater power out there. (I'm not trying to be insensitive, but this is my blog so I feel okay posting about how I feel).

Hug your children tighter. Show them you love them every day. Let the little stuff go. The only guarantee you have is the present.

If you want to read more about Christopher and his courageous battle against cancer, you can visit his Caring Bridge Site.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Bubby and I are celebrating World Breastfeeding Week by having thrush. Again. After I just wrote about how we had persevered through so much with our nursing relationship it seems we have to persevere some more. Actually, I had a sneaking suspicion the other day that we had thrush again, but was hoping it was Bubby's distracted nursing and yanking on my nipple that was causing my pain and not recurrent thrush. Yesterday morning, however, I saw the tell-tale white patch in the corner of his mouth. It's very small so we caught it very early again.

So to really celebrate World Breastfeeding Week we are eradicating this thrush for the final time. Seriously. I am SOOOO over thrush.

Here's our treatment plan:

1. Diflucan for me. Twice a day for the next two weeks.
2. Nystatin for Bubby. Three times a day for the next seven days. (plus a few)
3. Grapefruit Seed Extract. Ten drops to an ounce of distilled water. Every waking hour for the next three days. In Bubby's mouth before each nursing. On me after each nursing session.
4. Dr. Newman's all purpose nipple ointment on me after the GSE has dried.

Washed everything yesterday in HOT water with GSE added in. Dried on hot.

I do believe that it is me who is persisting the thrush. I seem to have symptoms before Bubby each time we get it. So, I'm hoping the Diflucan will finally put an end to this.

All the cool bloggers are going to BlogHer 2010, right? Wrong!! There's plenty of very cool bloggers at the NoGoBlogHer Blog Hop!

Here's a bit about me for the blog hop :)

When did you start blogging?

I started blogging back when Beanie was 9months old, in April of 2008.

Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging to have a place to get my thoughts out. I've always been a writer and blogging through my mama experiences seemed like a good idea. It helped to clear my head, work through my thoughts and find other moms who could relate.

What is one thing you are going to do this week that is WAY cooler than going to BlogHer?

Getting thrush. Again. Just kidding. This morning I got to snuggle with Beanie as the baby slept in. That doesn't happen a lot anymore so the snuggle time was nice. And way better than an anxiety-provoking trip to New York City. Honestly, I'd probably be a basket case between a flight, traffic, and the sheer amount of people. I hate crowds.Share a post that you think says a lot about you or is your favorite. (share the link in YOUR post so we can all see)

I've written a couple lately that I'm really happy with. That say a lot about who I am and who I have become as a mom. This one is one of my favorites right now.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I have a few things I'd like to write about this week, but I do want to post a few breastfeeding-related posts since it is World Breastfeeding Week.

Breastfeeding Bubby has been an entirely different journey than I imagined. When I was pregnant I thought, Oh this'll be easy. I've already done it for two+ years. Then I held my little newborn in my arms and, boy oh boy, I had to remember how to nurse a newborn. Way different than nursing a toddler! Of course, the learning curve was not nearly as steep and we both had the hang of it pretty quickly. And I was more confident. One of my strongest beliefs about breastfeeding, and breastfeeding with first-time moms in particular, is that you have to trust your body. I believe that is the biggest hurdle for new moms. It's not that they don't have enough milk, that it isn't coming in, or that their baby isn't getting enough milk -- it's that they don't trust that these things are happening even though they can't readily measure them. For the vast majority of moms breastfeeding can work. I'm not denying that there are instances that breastfeeding doesn't work, but, from my experience, many moms who give up early on because they didn't have enough milk really give up because they didn't trust their body. I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do; the mind game you have to win early on is a big one especially when one encounters multiple societal hurdles to complicate things.

This time I trusted my body. I didn't worry when my milk came in so fast and Bubby couldn't keep up. I knew it would level out eventually. I didn't worry when Bubby wanted to nurse every 45minutes. I knew that was him growing, his demand for milk signaling my body to supply more. I didn't worry when it seemed like I didn't have any milk because I knew my supply would catch up soon. Breastfeeding is all about supply and demand. The increased confidence I had nursing number two was a great help.

Then, when Bubby was about two weeks old the colic started. And boy that was hard. He wouldn't nurse to calm down. He just screamed. He acted like he wanted to nurse. He acted like he was hungry, but he wouldn't latch on. I never once worried that this was because I didn't have any milk. I just kept offering, trying to comfort him. It was very different that I couldn't comfort him in the those evenings by nursing like I did with Beanie. I tried everything to comfort him. What worked one day didn't work the next. Heck, what worked one hour often wouldn't work the next. But we kept tying to figure it out. I was exhausted. It was frustrating. Most of all my heart ached for my poor little baby who was in so much discomfort.

Then I eliminated dairy. That wasn't so hard; I just wanted to see if it helped. It seemed to. A little.

Then we had thrush. And had thrush again. And again.

Then I eliminated all of the top eight allergens from my diet. I won't lie, it was hard. There were times I wanted to cry because it seemed so hard.

Then it got easier. And Bubby started feeling better. Any short-lived sacrifice I had to go through seemed more than worth it.

It's been a journey, that's for sure. I won't lie and say there haven't been days when I wonder why my boobs seem so deflated and wonder what's going on with my supply. Usually, I usually encounter huge full-of-milk boobs a day or two later so I know it's just my body working. Bubby's body growing. I look to the signs of a successful breastfeeding relationship -- a healthy, growing baby and lots of pee & poop -- and we have both. At 4 1/2 months old Bubby weighs the same as Beanie did at 9 months old. For all the trouble we've encountered along this journey he hasn't suffered in the growth department.

Last week when I called my mom in tears she said, "I guess you wouldn't want to give up breastfeeding..." and no, I wouldn't. That thought has never crossed my mind. I definitely have thought, If I was a first time mom I could really see how it might look appealing to throw in the towel on this. But, I persevered. We persevered. I'm glad I've had support, both online and in real-life, to forge through these first few months with Bubby because they definitely weren't what I imagined. I hope someday I can help provide the support for someone else to persevere through similar tough times. Because it's all worth it.

Here's to a long breastfeeding journey with Bubby. Who knows what the future will hold. I, for one, feel like I can handle it.