Monday, May 25, 2009

I'm 3 months away from the goal! I'm amazed how time is flying by.. I think it helps that i've been keeping myself very busy lately ! I saw the baby move yesterday! Sitting in my sky chair, I feel like I've been looking at my belly waiting for that moment ever since I got pregnant.. always expecting it to happen. It was one of my favorite things to do when Dresden was in my belly.. I could always lean back and watch him move. :) She also shared some moves with her aunties when we were in Kansas!! Hooray! I have the glucose test and doctors appt on Friday... I sure hope I don't puke up the orange soda drink like I did last year! It's a shame that you can't eat pizza or fries before drinking it.. that would make it go down a whole lot easier, but we don't want carbs on top or carbs for a sugar test, do we? Also, it looks like my next study visit ultrasound will be June 2nd... hopefully they actually give me some good prints this time! We're still talking about the 3d ultrasound.. which would be sometime next month... I think Shaun and I are both leaning toward doing it.. I don't think doing it is something we'd ever regret.. but NOT doing it could be. Other than that, nothing really to report, mentally, I'm doing pretty well - although the farther along I get the more worried I get.. I've had a few times already that I stop and wonder when the last time I felt the baby, then I get paranoid, and have to use the doppler to hear that she is indeed still with us! I'm having a difficult time assuming that I'll have a baby this fall.. and as much as I hate the fact, Shaun and I have discussed certain things - if the outcome is not the one we hope for.. what we would do differently 'this time'.. I hate that we even have to think about it, but we know that crappy things happen.. and even to US, so it seems like it'd be worse if we didn't accept and realize all the possibilities that go along with pregnancy. (even the horrid ones) and on one last sweeter note.. I have been anti buying baby things this time.. not that we bought THAT much for Dresden (breast pump, slings, a couple of cutie outfits and a giant freakin' box of diapers!) but still, I didn't want new baby things around, so while we were in Kansas at Target, Gwen saw some newborn 'toe pajamas' and she said, "we have to buy these toe pajamas for the baby in your belly!" and they were on clearance for 3 bucks and so I said, what the hell! A gift from her big sister! :) I'm glad!http://www.pregnancyhut.com/24-weeks-pregnant/

Sunday, May 24, 2009

1. What time did you get up this morning? I was actually woken by the beboppin of my little babe! It must have been pretty intense to A)wake me up and B) be part of my DREAM! I think it was 9:302. Diamonds or pearls?Diamonds? I'm not much of a jewelry person, though.3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I love you Man4. What is your favorite TV show? hmm Heroes or Lost probably.5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Smoothies6. What is your middle name?Marie7. What food do you dislike?Any kind of meat, obviously - and black olives.8. What is your favorite CD at moment?umm we usually listen to mix cd's9. What kind of car do you drive?Caravan - mini van10. Favorite sandwich? varies11. What characteristic do you despise? during pregnancy.. there are many! haha12. Favorite item of clothing?I don't have one.13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? At the moment, it'd be anywhere we can drive, since flying with kids doesn't sound like any fun to me! I think i've covered the main ones in my previous life - Spain, England and Ireland - love to go back someday!14. Favorite brand of clothing? Don't have one.15. Where would you retire to? wherever my kids(and grandkids!) live16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? probably 30th17. Favorite sport to watch? tennis? Not a huge sports fan. I like to go to games, but not so much watching them on TV.18. Furthest place you are sending this?I'm just posting it on my blog, that way whoever cares to read it can do so!19. Person you expect to send it back first??20. When is your birthday?6/6/7721. Are you a morning person or a night person? more night..22. What is your shoe size?8.523. Pets?2 cats. Loki and Odin24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I don't think I've got anything 'new'.. just the same old stuff, eh?25. What did you want to be when you were little? teacher26. How are you today? pretty nifty27. What is your favorite candy?hmm chewy sour things28. What is your favorite flower?purple coneflowers are pretty.29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Not sure on the specific day yet, but whenever this baby gets to come out- that would be the day I'm most looking forward too.. it can't get here quick enough!30. What's your full name?Shannon Marie Ryan31. What are you listening to right now? Gwen playing with her toys32. What was the last thing you ate? A giant salad - and it was SOOO yummy!33. Do you wish on stars? I have, but not in a long time.34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?green35. How is the weather right now?Nice36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? My mom37. Favorite soft drink? pepsi, rarely..38. Favorite restaurant? too many39. Real hair color?whatcha see is whatca get! Dark brown40. What was your favorite toy as a child? most memorable is my pillow person, but we left her when we moved from up north.. then magically the kids that moved in also had a pillow person - the exact same one I had! hmmmmm41. Summer or winter? I'll take Fall or Spring any day! I'm already excited for Fall, actually! For lots of reasons!42. Hugs or kisses? both!43. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla44. Coffee or tea?Herbal tea pleace! ICED!45. Do you want your friends to email you back? naaa46. When was the last time you cried? Well, I probably tear up most days.. but the last really good sob fest was courtesy of the movie Benjamin Button.47. What is under your bed? nothing at all.48. What did you do last night? wow, I don't remember.. hung out at home.49. What are you afraid of? This baby dying too. (and of course anyone else I love leaving me too soon.)50. Salty or sweet? depends on the day..51. How many keys on your key ring?452. How many years at your current job? 3 years 5 months.53. Favorite day of the week? Saturday.54. How many towns have you lived in?6ish55. Do you make friends easily? Sometimes56. How many people will you send this to? ?57. How many will respond??

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Here we are at the last night of our week visiting family in Kansas! We've had a great time, which you can tell by the pictures! :) We'll be on the road again tomorrow morning and home to see Shaun (daddy) on Friday!! We're super excited about that, of course! :) Here are some more pictures from the last couple days.. enjoy!

Gwen ready for the beach

momma and Gwen in the chilly waterbeach fun!

Grandma doing shirt painting with the girlsGwen showing off her Ariel tattoos

Well, I've been feeling the baby for weeks.. from the inside.. but last night as I lay in bed, thinking about Dresden and kissing Gwen's sleeping head next to mine the baby started to move... I put my hand to see if I could feel her - and I DID!! Poor Shaun, he's been trying for weeks to feel her movements! :) I went back out to the living room and laid down, so he could try.. but no luck! Poor daddy! By this time last year, he'd been feeling Dresden's moves for a couple of weeks already - so surely in the next few days (hopefully before I leave for Kansas on Wednesday!) he'll get to feel this one for the first time. :)What a sweet mother's day gift from the little one inside!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

He'd be 8 months old today.. instead of watching him crawl across the green soggy grass in our yard, we dug a hole. A hole for his apple tree. We poured his ashes into our hands and sprinkled them into the hole, and sobbed as we missed our sweet boy. Did I think I would cry? I really didn't.. I thought I'd be fine, I felt like this was a good healing event, and I didn't expect quite so many tears. Gwen asked, "what's wrong momma? Are you crying?" I said, "yes, because I miss Dresden".. she then went off to find me a 'napkin' to wipe my tears. Sweet little girl, where would we be without her? So, the tree is in the ground and it feels really good to have something living to remember our sweet son. I look forward to many years of apples, sitting next to Dresden's tree and sharing his memory with all of our children.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I saw a bumper sticker last week.. I bet the person with it on their car didn't realize that it would actually stay with someone for a week, huh? I just felt kind of inspired by it.. I've been thinking about it every day!

"Happiness is an inside job"

that's it.. and I just think it's so true, we all have control over our emotions (at least to some extent, right?)

So, a couple weeks ago we started searching for Dresden's apple tree(s) - I'm realizing now, what a toll that has been putting on my emotions! Shaun too, I think.. we've both been kind of cranky and I feel like that was part of it. I guess it's not easy shopping for your childs 'living memorial'.. there is a lot of pressure that it be perfect, and actually LIVE.. no one wants a dead tree to honor their baby! So, we finally decided on 2 trees yesterday. A honeycrisp tree, which we knew we wanted, since those were the apples we snacked on at the orchard on our last wonderful happy day of innocent life (3 days before he was born)! We wanted an apple that would be out around his birthday.. then we needed a pollinator. We don't have a favorite apple really, we love most so we were looking for a gala tree, since we knew it would pollinate with a honeycrisp - while at home depot yesterday, we found a 5 in 1 tree.. a little bit Frankenstein creepy, but it had 5 kinds of apples and looked pretty, so we got it! It would be a dream if the two trees produced enough apples so that every year on Dresden's birthday, we can make apple pie! :)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Here we are, another week has passed. I am still feeling pretty good.. I've been 'blessed' I guess with SUPER easy pregancies, and that is still the case. I do, notice a difference this time though. I get tired easier, I get out of breath easier and I actually feel like I walk different.. even at full term, I never felt like I got that pregnancy waddle. (maybe others noticed it, but I always felt like I was walking like I always did.) So, back to back pregnancies are a little less comfy.. did I expect anything less? Of course not! Ideally, I would never do this twice.. and I can pretty much promise that I will not be doing it again.. if all goes well this time (ah, the pessimist comes out) it will be at least 2 years before I consider getting pregnant again.. to give my body the break it deserves and also to nurse this sweet baby (with full milk) for a 2 year minimum.

Another difference is that I'm counting the days away, until this baby is in my arms.. even at 30+ weeks, I was never ready to just get the baby out! I loved them inside of me 'safe' and warm.. I loved just being pregnant and always miss it when I'm not.. so I might still miss it after this one is born, but if I could push fast forward on my life and at least be to August I would in a heartbeat! Oh.. and for your viewing pleasure, here is a pic I took this morning.. 21 week belly! :) I've been taking pictures most weeks, but this is the first time I'm putting one up for some reason? Yes, these are the clothes I wore to sleep and clean in.. sorry or the scumminess! hehe