John Travolta Urinates Outside at Disney World

ORLANDO, FLORIDA – A Disney World spokesperson announced this afternoon that actor John Travolta was asked to leave the amusement park Monday after he jumped into the water of a theme ride and proceeded to urinate. When the incident occurred Disney World revelers ran towards security team members as parents shielded the eyes of their toddlers.

Kevin Campbell was visiting the park from Dayton, Ohio. He told reporters he was “taken aback” when he saw what was taking place in front of him and his five small children.

“I saw a man in his underwear swimming in the lagoon. I thought it was a wholesome Disney character doing something funny for all the happy kids. But when the man stood up, pulled down his drawers and began to pee, I scrambled to hide the eyes of my children.”

“When I realized that it was world famous actor John Travolta, I almost peed my own self!” exclaimed Brogan Haglund, who’d driven all the way from Utah with his wife and fourteen kids. “When my wife became hysterical and jumped off the boat the kids and I paddled with our hands to reach her and then all sixteen of us paddled the boat to shore for help.”

John Travolta’s publicist said his client’s actions have been misunderstood, that Mr. Travolta had no intention of frightening children or of ruining anyone’s vacation.

“John knows how important family vacations are. He knows that sometimes people save for years to share the wholesome Disney experience with their children. John is a celebrity with integrity and scruples. He wouldn’t urinate in public unless he had to go so bad he was frightened that holding it in would risk his health. I’m quite sure that is what happened.” The publicist looked at his Blackberry. “John would also like to remind everyone that his latest film, From Paris with Love, has been available on DVD for quite some time. In fact, Wal-Mart has it in their bargain bins for as low as $3.99.”

According to Disney security coordinator Jamaal Robinson, security cameras caught the movements of Mr. Travolta from the moment he entered Walt Disney World.

The Haglund family

“At 11:02 AM, John Travolta purchased a single ticket at the Minnie Mouse window from team member Teresa Gonzales, paying with cash. Upon entering the theme park, John Travolta purchased a bag of caramel corn and a can of Yoo-Hoo. John Travolta then wandered the park aimlessly for thirty-seven minutes. He smiled as he walked, consuming his caramel corn and sipping his beverage. It was obvious he was enjoying the atmosphere that only Disney World is able to provide.

“When Mr. Travolta arrived at one of our more cherished theme rides, It’s a Small World, he climbed over a small picket fence and entered a restricted area. He looked around suspiciously before dropping his caramel corn and Yoo-Hoo beverage into a trash receptacle and entered through a door marked Employees Only. John Travolta disappeared for thirty-six seconds before cameras picked him up wading into the lagoon wearing only black jockey shorts. He sank into the water up to his nose and waited hippopotamus-like. When gondolas filled with happy Disney revelers appeared, he stood up and began to urinate in the lagoon.”

Lisa and Bernie Lollioff saw the whole incident with their children Brittany and Lars. Cradling her sleeping son, Mrs. Lollioff recalled the terrifying moment.

“Brittany pointed and began shouting that a man was peeing in the water. My son Lars strained to look as I wrestled to cover his eyes. Bernie dialed 911 on his cell phone and I distracted the children with a Slinky I carry in my purse.”

Disney security guard Lattrell White said that after John Travolta finished urinating he exited the lagoon and retrieved his clothes. After getting dressed Mr. Travolta attempted to non-nonchalantly walk out of the park when Lattrell White apprehended him. He then escorted Mr. Travolta to security headquarters.

“As we were walking Mr. Travolta stopped and looked at me with an amused look in his eyes.

“You know what I wanna do?” he asked me.

“No, what do you wanna do?”

“His eyes lit up and he cocked his head and smiled — “Strut!”

Disney World and John Travolta representatives declined requests for interviews. As of this writing, Orlando police say that no charges have been filed.