Dear Dad
Sydney is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser

Next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail
My dear loving son Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us.
Go and get yourself a train too.

PLEASE NEVER WATCH TV WITH YOUR WIFE.........HAPPENING IN ALL HOUSES !

A couple were watching an IPL match on the TV together.
After five minutes:

Wife: Is that Bret Lee?
Husband: No. He's Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler.
Wife: Brett Lee is smart-looking. He should be in the movies like
his brother.
Husband: He doesn't have an actor brother.
Wife: What about Bruce Lee?
Husband: No no, Brett Lee is an Australian.
Wife: OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes.
Husband: No, it's called action replay.
Wife: Looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It's not India. It's Bangalore vs Kolkatta.
Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter?
Husband: He's not calling for a helicopter. It's a free hit.
Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a free hit?

Wife: Now whom is he saying 'HI' to?
Husband: He's signalling a 'bye'.
Wife: Why is he saying bye? Is the game over?
Wife: How many runs to win?
Husband: 72 in 36 balls.
Wife: Ah. That's easy. Just 2 runs in 1 ball.
Frustrated husband turns off the TV.
Wife turns it on again and watches 'Tarak Mehta Ka Ulta Chasma'.
Husband: Who is this Tarak Mehta and who is the fat person standing beside him ?
Wife: Don't you dare disturb me now.....

I am surrounded by charming female relatives who all have one common problem. From scene to scene, they can't remember who's who. So if two men have bushy brows and facial hair, they look the same to them, if two women wear make-up at worst they must be twins.

Then there is this soap opera I just cannot watch- based on mythology, where Parvathi, wearing Chinese georgette saree and Gitanjali jewellery asks Shiva (who is whiling away time until called up to do some stunt villain role in a Chopra movie) if she can take a spin around Kailas (thermocole and paper mâché ) and in a jiffy appears Nandi who's a cross between a goat and a donkey in appearance acting like a dutiful stretch-limo and chauffeur combined.

Talking of cricket matches, my people have such TOTAL disconnect that they can't care if India or Royal Challengers or anyone for that matter has just four balls to score nine runs and win a crucial match. You see, they have to flick the channel switch quickly not to miss the action in Kailas.

For qualities like nobility, meanness and chicanery, our role models are no longer culled from real flesh and blood people or even classics and epics. The most real people in our life these days are the soap characters, larger than life, belting out pithy dialogue six days a week with two replays every day, whose endless wardrobe would put Madam to shame, and whose skin texture we know intimately thanks to 2K TV and HD cameras.

Customer: Do you serve pigs here?
Maitre: (giving the man a lingering look) Yes we do. We serve all. But our menu restricts us from serving anything of that kind on a plate. This way, sir...

At a tres fancy restaurant:

Customer: Do you serve pig here?
Maitre: Do we? So very appealingly, sir! We do serve a suckling with an apple in its mouth, but today's even more health conscious patrons ask for a pomegranate dressed one, instead.
By the way, we have a table for four available in two month's time...

Customer: Do you serve pigs here?
Owner: Figs? Of course we do, for dessert! But if you want them stuffed with cheese, you will have to go to the lactovegetarian place across the street. We are vegan, but will gladly serve tofu stuffed ones if you so wish...

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside New Delhi. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire Hospitals in the city , and they're asking for a Rs.500 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

Hyatt Regency is a luxury 5-star hotel in Teynampet, Anna Salai, Chennai.
So, what is the special ? Here,
FIDE World Chess Championship is to be played.
Oh, when?
Nov 9th to 28th.
This year?
YES, next week.
Who is playing?
ANAND of India is the defending Champion; and Magnus Carlsen of Norway will challenge him.
Chess, you said ?
YES, chess.
No Virat,
no "Sir",
no Dhoni?
No, none of them; they play a different game altogether.

Then, GET LOST; we intellectuals here don't even discuss any game that has no V,S,D, Get Lost.