Healthy Monday – A Knotty Problem

Although I’ve never actually seen a weaver bird work their magic with found sticks and twigs and threads, I’ve seen pictures of the incredibly durable nests which result. From the most delicate of materials they create an intricate finished product that withstands wind, rain and all manner of assaults and remains intact.

Self-image is like that. From earliest memory, bit by bit, experience by experience, comment by comment we build our knowing of who we think we are. Someone’s daughter or older brother, looks just like Uncle Jim, can’t sit still, great imagination, good with her hands, two left feet ….the input is endless. The input is powerful. Like the twigs and sticks of the weaver’s nest our identity gets stronger, more fixed. In our belief we can feel secure, the limits of our life and world are clear.

There’s a downside to all of this.

Safety can slip into rigidity. Certainty can overrun possibility and the ability to adapt if life’s circumstances change – as they always do – can be lost. The comfortable certainty of our “identity nest” can become a prison we can’t outgrow, and fear to leave.

In yoga there is the idea of “granthis” – or ” knots” – defined as things which trap our energy and keep us attached to the past, blocking progress. My mind’s eye sees these “knots” like the tightly bound nest of the weaver bird.

So the questions then becomes one of balance. A strong, vital sense of self that can stand on solid footing and yet be open, flexible, and creative when the need arises.

It helps to ask questions. It helps to take a look at all those assumptions we have about who and what we are. Drawing on The Work of Byron Katie it helps to ask one by one of those messages -“Is it true?” and “Can I know for sure that it’s absolutely true?” It also helps to ask the final question: ” If it weren’t true, how might my life be different.”

Just as an experiment (and isn’t life really just one long experiment) choose one assumption you have about yourself and your life. Pick one that might be causing you distress, limiting your actions, or having a negative impact on your relationships. See if you can remember when you first believed this to be true about yourself. Take some time to look at the stories you’ve written about this belief in your mind and heart. And then…ask yourself the questions.

The final question can begin to loosen the granthis – to untie the knots. To gently but firmly pull at those twigs of who we think ourselves to be and create the space of new possibilities.

5 Responses

Judi, I love the metaphor of twigs and knots — this is a beautiful blog. It’s also good to have family and old friends who remind you of the things about you that don’t change. I just did a blog about the Stupids Club that my sister and I formed when we were 13 and 10. We don’t let each other forget that we are lifetime members . . .

Dear Nancy- Imperfection is a great thing to embrace! The Amish celebrate it in the quilts they make – consciously including “mistakes” because perfection belongs only to the almighty. I like the idea of being around people who don’t “have it all together” all the time. It is an essential quality of humanness and makes us accessible to each other. Thanks for your comments and the link to your blog! Peace, Judi