Grief & Loss

Telling your family? About miscarriage

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BeautifulMama1 wrote:

Only me and my husband know that I'm having a missed miscarriage. I am a very personal personal and keep everything to myself. I have 4 sisters and 1 brother, I haven't been that close to say anything this personal to my family. Has anyone told anyone else other than husband/bf/fiancé? Just curious how many people share there loss :/

Same here only my husband aside from the doctors knows. I planned on not telling anyone have a D and C scheduled on Wednesday.

But I might have to let my sister in law know, she's visiting on Sunday with my toddler niece and well, planning on going to the hot pools with us. But I can't really be at the hot pools and have to tell her why....also the only other person we may have to tell might be my husband's step mother who lives in the same town.

But to be honest, I don't know if I will tell either or both of them at all....will have to play it by ear....

We told our parents and siblings but no other family members. In hindsight I wish I hadn't told anyone because my sister called me to basically just get the details because no one knew we were pregnant, she then asked how long it had taken us to conceive and then went on to explain that she's worried she will have a miscarriage one day...she hadn't even ttc yet and wasn't planning to for years and still to this day I'm hurt by her actions. I can't get over how she behaved. Then when we did get our positive for our rainbow baby no one was really that excited because they were nervous I would lose the baby again. Also we were very open about the miscarriage when we were pregnant again and some of the "helpful" comments that were made would have crushed me at the time of the miscarriage. Also it was nice to avoid pregnant people without it being obvious what the reason was. Lots of my friends were pregnant at the time and I couldn't face baby showers so always had a "family trip" or plans whenever there was a shower and i liked that no one would make a deal of it.

I think that's pretty normal. I'm dealing with a miscarriage now. We were supposed to hang out with some friends last weekend - one of them is pregnant, and another one recently had a baby. There definitely would have been a lot of pregnancy talk and we couldn't handle that, so we canceled. Our pregnant friend understood and didn't take it personally. Take the time you need to grieve, and do what you need to do to heal. I don't know what your husband's family is like, but if you think they'd be understanding, maybe he could tell them what happened and explain to them that you need some time to yourself and don't want to talk about it for a while.

I am also a very private person so I understand what you mean. We ended up telling our families we were pregnant, only to have to tell them the news that we had had a MMC. With hindsight I wish we hadn't told them as my inlaws reaction made the whole experience even more upsetting and stressful (they are very self involved. Whilst I understand they were upset, they were pestering us to call to talk the day after the D&C when we just wanted privacy, and then they were saying how they had lost a grandchild too, and could they share with their friends, and could my husband call his mum as she was very upset!) So when we are next successful we will keep it to ourselves until after the 12 weeks scan!

I've shared with my mom, sister and sister in laws. I'm very close to them and although I'm just as close to my dad I just didn't feel comfortable talking to him about it. I also told my cousin and aunt because I'm very close to them also and they watched my son for me while I miscarried. I liked that I could talk to them about it, have them there if I had questions etc.

Our immediate families know of our losses. We have been doing rounds IVF and they're aware of that and somewhat of our timelines. So far we've had 4 losses and they've been nothing short of amazingly supportive.

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