MOVIE REVIEW: Fast Five

The Film Pigs start summer off with a happy bang when they see Fast Five! The Rock sweats, the Diesel burns, the Tyrese looks great, and the Walker…I don’t know, talks sometimes. Also, the Pigs discuss what they’ve seen lately and get all up in your listicle with a very, very special guest! (She’s crazy sexy, so check it out one time, won’t you?)

4 thoughts on “MOVIE REVIEW: Fast Five”

My favorite clusterfuck movie is Bugsy Malone. It’s got Scott Baio and Jodie Foster back before they had sex with women. And it’s got about 100 kids who can’t act all singin’ and dancin’ their hearts out as 1920s gangsters. Except they’re not singing; they’re dubbed by adults. And the songs are by Paul Williams. And Dexter Fletcher is in it because it was shot in England even tho it’s set in New York, so most of the kids are doing these fake New York accents. And they drive Model T pedal cars and shoot each other with cream pie filling. It’s awesome.

My runner up is Mamma Mia because it’s got totally sweet Abba music and all these great actors who are 20 years too old for their roles and can’t really sing. And Colin Firth turns out to be gay, which is the subplot in, like, half his movies.