Getting remarried

Carrie Jordan - posted on 12/27/2013
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So I've met the man of my dreams. He is so good to my son and has 3 kids of his own that get along great with my son. My son never really displays any sense of jealousy, probably because in in his 6 years of life I've only brought around 1 other man. My son has always known he's my number 1. When the talk of marriage has come up he seems excited about it. But, last night we were laying in my bed talking after just getting back from a good night with my husband to be and his children, and my son starts talking about how when I get married our names will change. My ex is a very good father to my son and I would never dream of changing my sons name. I tried to explain to him that it would just be my name changing. His little voice started cracking and he was saying "but then we won't be in the same family." I tried to explain to him that a name change doesn't change our family and that a name is just a name but he just got so upset it broke my heart. I'm struggling so hard with what to do. Do I keep my maiden, married, and now newly married name just to not break his heart? I don't even know if I can do that. Or just keep trying to explain to him that it changes nothing other than our family is being blessed with 4 new members but he will always be my number 1 and my only birth son. Has anyone else been through this?

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Amy - posted on 12/27/2013

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Have you talked to your soon to be new husband? Is he insistent that you take on his last name. I know when I divorced I kept my ex's last name so it would be the same as the kids, if I get remarried I would probably do a hyphenated last name of my ex's and new husband or just keep it as is and explain to my new husband why.

So my two children have their fathers last name. (Now- not similar to your situation, their dad was in jail and had no placement but I could not change it no matter how I tried- but I don't think it matters for what I'm going to say here). I took my new husbands name and often my children feel a little left out that they are the only two of seven (there are five kids total now) that have the "odd" names. So we just go by the "husbands last name" family when we are at our house.The kids just started writing my husbands last name on their school papers one day without prompting and tend to use both. Sometimes they hyphenate it. They have done all of this without really much adult discussion.

But- my suggestion for you might be to hyphenate your name when you marry.

I actually hyphenated my name when I got married the first time (more because I wanted to "exert my independence" then for anything else- lol). After awhile, I got tired of signing everything so long, I just went by my ex husbands last name, but when I got divorced it made it easy because I could simply go by the other until the divorce was final- because as long as your DL says both last names, you can sign your name with either.

That way, you can explain to your son that you married your husband, so you are joining his family, but you are still joined with him. (So much importance on a tiny hyphen). But, you can still sign your checks and whatnot with just your new hubby's name only. All of my credit cards just said my husbands last name too- it was really just the DL and SS card.