Review: Analisa Massage — Bangkok, Thailand

Monday, November 17th, 2014

Today I’ll be reviewing yet another Bangkok oily massage parlor to make way for upcoming reports and reviews from new and exciting locations. Those who don’t like it will just have to deal with it or wait for two more days for a review on a massage shop in Tokyo. I imagine most readers will be quite happy to see yet another installment from me and I have traffic statistics to back me up. I announced my mission to review every massage parlor in Bangkok some time ago. With this review I am coming a little closer to fulfilling that dream.

Analisa Massage parlor is a little massage parlor that’s a little more out of the way than some others but still easy to find and quite accessible. The parlor is located in the middle of the sixth small alley off to the left of Sukhumvit Soi 22. They do have an interactive google map on their website for anyone unable to follow simple written directions.

Analisa is not exactly a standard oily massage parlor. What I mean by that is that all of the standard options are not available. In most Bangkok oilies full service is the name of the game. As far as I can tell that’s not available at Analisa but a full range of other exotic services are. One of those services is prostate massage and I have a deep suspicion that the name of the shop is in fact a play on that. Just look at it. Anal is a Massage. Then again I’m not the kind of guy who looks for secret messages in his alphabet soup or plays records backwards trying to hear subliminal commands from Satan so maybe someone with the unfortunate name of Analisa was the inspiration.

Prices start at a standard 500 baht ($16 USD) for a regular oil massage and go up to 2,500 baht ($76) for an hour of tantric massage. Other services fall somewhere between the two extremes. Of course the women also require a tip to perform their services. The standard 500 baht covers hand service though I must admit that even I don’t really know what the proper tip is for an hour of pegging by plastic pecker.

While I’m sure there are plenty of people interested in all the different options, which certainly must fill a niche, I can only speak about the shop, the staff and the standard massages. That’s not to say that I’m not intrigued by at least some of what’s on offer it’s just that I can’t do much reviewing of things I have little knowledge or experience with.

The Analisa shop is small but clean. Well maybe it’s not that small, but the lobby is quite tiny. It’s a little room right inside the glass doors where customers make a choice of service while staring at the small street in front of them. Not long ago I heard that the shop was expanding to include the building next door but I’m not sure whether or not this has actually happened.

After choosing a service customers are usually led upstairs to the large bathroom where they can shower off. Customers are usually assigned the lady “next in line” unless they specifically ask that they be allowed to chose a lady or two themselves. The mamasan at Analisa is helpful and kind to customers but she’s not always in the shop. When she isn’t a younger cashier who is attractive and nice but little help otherwise takes her place.

The women who work at Analisa Massage are for the most part pretty attractive. There are pictures of some of the women on the website but there are others who are not pictured. The pictures that do exist are very accurate. There’s no skin whitening or photoshop airbrushing that I can tell. Ann looks the same in person as she does in the pictures of her on the site as do Nana and Soday. It’s tough to know exactly how many women work there as new gals can be seen coming in and out all the time when one sits in the little lobby setting up a session.

Sessions are performed in rooms that are large and clean enough to fit the bill. There’s nothing necessarily special about the quarters but there’s nothing negative that stands out about them either. The women who work at Analisa always seem to at least try to deliver a “real massage” before they perform any extra services though its debatable whether or not they are any good at it. Certainly the time they spend delivering the rub down is more than what customers get at most wham-bam oilies but they can’t compare with a place like Thonglor 2 when it comes to massage.

The extras themselves are about what one could expect, at least in regards to the regular stuff. Again I can’t speak to some of the more exotic services. If I ever do gather more info I’ll be sure to report it here but for now all I can say is that those who shell out for a “happy massage” will most likely leave the place happy.

The service providers at Analisa are a warm and happy bunch who like to have fun. At the same time they can be shy and even demure in certain situations. People change from day to day and in interactions with different people. The phrase your mileage may vary has been repeated on this site and the internet at large countless times for exactly that reason.

As a regular massage parlor Analisa is just about average. Since the women that work there are so nice it deserves a slightly higher score. If I was keen on some of the other services on other this might be the place to scratch my itch. In that cause it could deserve four stars or more. As it stands I am giving it three-and-a-half stars and I think that’s fair.

29 Comments

Hi thanks for clear informative review. Have tried massage here and indeed seems to cater to variety of tastes but I can also say the standard services are all available. The line up though indeed nice enough ladies seemed a bit…weathered. On that note any idea where the nicest looking gals work? I refer only to looks, understanding it may not in fact likely will not reflect service or abilities…Just wondering about your experienced thoughts on this.

Hi regarding your comment on A touch of class. Have been there once, tempted by their website and supposed “a bit different” attitude. Possibly I hit a bad day (raining, 16:00) but the experience was overall one of the poorest. Three girls were available, one of which was a “looker”. But that was all she was. It seemed like it was her first time. She spoke zero I mean zero English. Skills were abhorring and basically put me of that place forever. The attitude in the lobby was of indifference before heading up, and afterwards I was left on my own to go downstairs and leave. It felt that I was the wrong ] person at the wrong place, similar to how I have felt when accidentally going to a place that caters only to a specific ethnicity and all others not welcome.

Your assessment sounds pretty fair to me. I was asked where the “nicest looking gals work” and in my opinion the answer is A Touch of Class. That doesn’t mean they’re number one at customer service, performance or anything else. It just means they generally have the most attractive gals of any Bangkok oily massage parlor in my opinion. Cheers.

I had the 4 hands massage with blowjob on the glory hole table.
Blowjob was covered, and the 2nd person didn’t really do much.
I was asked to flip over after a while, and I received the best handjob I’ve ever had.
Followed by a very relaxing massage.
Girls were ok looking, nothing to phone home about.
Would recommend.

Across the street from Analisa is a sister joint called tantra massage. Different girls, but they combine the Analisa PM with feathers, full nudity, and in my case, some girl on girl action while I was getting worked on. They seemed to like each other a lot, but never neglected my needs. FS is on offer which I will go back for at some point. An outcall is generally only 500 baht extra which is a deal because let’s be honest, soi 22 is not terribly convenient.

Though I haven’t been to Analisa Massage, I did order a regular 90-minute full body oil massage one night, down on one of the Thai islands that turned out to be the best, most memorable massage of my life.

Attractive and about 40 years old, she was a skilled masseur, but it was nothing out of the ordinary to begin with. I had never had erotic massage, and wasn’t really expecting one on this night, though it did feel nice to be completely exposed to her and feeling her body next to me and her hands on me. Occasionally, when working a nearby area, she would give my dick a wiggle, and giggle or say “hello” in a soft, playful voice.

What made the evening great was the lengthy and detailed attention she gave to my balls, and particularly to my scrotum. She stretched the skin and kneaded every centimeter many, many times over, and also gave similar therapeutic attention to the rest of my crotch and the inner workings of my penis as well. It was so damn nurturing and comforting, I cannot explain it. I don’t know where she learned to touch a man like that, but it was nothing short of brilliant. I’ve often wished this type of massage was frequently available around the world, and I do think it is an extremely valuable service, one which in itself is not necessarily erotic or kinky. Just genuine touch therapy, if that make any sense. I certainly wish I could have had that particular service a few more times; it’s good for the soul.

SO, if Analisa’s “testicle massage” is anything like that, I tell you, you must try it. Now, it might not scratch your particular itch, if you are looking for a sexual experience, but those can be had any day. OTOH, I’m the kind of guy that if a girl is willing to put one of my nuts in her mouth and suck on it, she’s welcome to do that all day long, so a “testicle massage” sounds to me like something I’d enjoy either way.

Full disclosure: During the lengthy rub down I mentioned above, I did get hard at one point and gestured that I would like her to give me a BJ. She declined, but agreed to a hand job, while indicating that I needed to be quiet and not get us discovered. Happy as it was, the ending was not the best part of massage. She later booked me to come back the following evening where she would service me in a private room, where she said that we could “do it” (full service). Fool that I am, I never went back, off chasing young Western girls on holiday.

Probably it was your first prostate massage and it was surely good. But this kind of massage is not very common anywhere in the world. I personally had the same feeling it was the best at my first time. Later, I had a plenty of prostate massages later and anyone who gave “special attentions” to the area was all good. I had many more and now I am not happy with just good massages on the part as I am looking for someone who is attractive and able to do more than HJ. Cheers!!

I was on my way to Annalissa massage today in soi 22 because of all the positive reviews and great things I’ve heard but I actually came across another shop called MISS BJ Massage way before getting to Annalisa. I went to check this place out and my god were all the ladies beautiful here. No ugly ones to be found and their menu set up was great. They had a breakdown of everything the lady can do and they had 30 minute prices and 1 hour which includes massage. Let me tell you that I’ve been to many places in BKK and their full service option for 30 minutes was 1500 baht or (45 USD) which is the cheapest for sex I have seen anywhere. Now talk about the best bang for your buck. There rooms are quite nice and they seem to be themed rooms. I got the VIP and it was set up like I was in Japan. The room was big and had a couch and a bed. The service was superb. They do an amazing ball massage to get you started. Everyone was friendly and everyone there spoke English. So about 5 hours later I actually ended making my way to Annalisa and they had about 4 girls on staff. The lady incharge told me that not everyone can do full service. The problem I had with that is that the only pretty girl there didnt do that so I just left. Maybe I came at a bad time but Miss BJ Massage didnt seem to have that problem. Been going their for the past 3 days now. :)

Well they give you a list of what they can do. It is a huge list of like 20 things. It will say if they do BBBJ and if thats what your looking for then choose the girl that does that. Also It says if they do CIM. From my experience Ive been able to do CIM all the time but I think it depends if the girl likes you. If she doesnt like you she might want a little extra. But the list does say if they do or not. You should discuss downstairs with her and the lady in charge there

Thanks Ben!! I think I saw the menu but they showed me the one in Japanese and I didn’t look at the English version carefully!! There was a real hot girl at Analisa but I wasn’t sure to discuss. Maybe she said didn’t do that. I forgot her name but she was never seen around again. Also, I didn’t have enough cash that time!!

Went to analisa today. I’ve been there before and had a reasonable time there but today was bad. They have this old frail looking woman there who was just pushing their 2 hour tantra massage for 2600 baht. And she said only 1 girl can do everything. She was not nice looking at all. I said aren’t there any other girls. She said yet but she can do everything. I said can she prolong my orgasm. She said oh that’s tease and denial. 2600 baht. And this horrible girl can do it all. I said I just want a long handjob! Yes she can do. I said I don’t like her I’m leaving. Then another girl tried to force me to stay. I said no. When I asked for other girlw this mama’s an said only this girl. The times I have been there the pm has been average. For most guys it’s their first pm so they think it’s awesome. I’ve had a lot better. I headed to addict massage and got a hot looking chick to do the same thing. And boy could she prolong my orgasm! She was stunning and so accommodating. I could have had full service but I wasn’t in the mood. Thanks man your reviews are honest and very helpful. Can tell they are not sponsored like others

Also, are you sure you need to tip separately? Some of the prices on the website seem too high to not be all-inclusive. Some options even explicitly mention BJ, FS, and even “”finished”. It seems odd if that is something you need to negotiate with the masseuse.

The review was accurate when it was written two years ago. As you might imagine companies do update their websites and change things from time to time. The prices on the current incarnation of the site seem to be all inclusive. Cheers.

My experience at Analisa was the worst massage experience of my life, and I’ve done these before. If you choose to go this shit hole (pun intended), don’t even think about choosing Lydea. I jerked myself off at the end because she couldn’t even make me cum, and I’ve cum from other massages every time. I purchased the tantra massage and it was awful – 2300 bhat. Every single part of the massage was bad: the oil massage, the HJ, the BJ, and the prostate massage.

The oil massage felt like a newborn baby was touching me…no force nothing.. so soft I could barely feel anything…as if a pillow was on me. Not at all refreshing.

At Annalisa, they don’t even give you a real BJ…they put a condom on your dick so that you can’t feel anything and then they blow you for 30 seconds…and their mouth doesn’t go lower than the tip. They do that so that they can check the box.

The prostate massage was absolutely horrendous. This chick had no fucking clue what she was doing. Literally was finger blasting my virgin anus instead of gradually massaging me. She did it for a minute, and then realized that I was clenching so hard her finger couldn’t fit. I think I might have bled. What the fuck?

As for the HJ, I thought this would be where I came at least. Nope. She was tugging my dick like it was a door knob. She asks me “are you going to finish?” I respond “I’m trying.” I end up telling her to stop and I jerk myself off. I shouldn’t have done that.

I asked for some kind of refund, however small, as a gesture of professionalism. They refused. They said next time I come back I can get a discount. DON’T go here – there are so many places in Bangkok where you can be satisfied. Why settle and overpay for a shitty overall experience.

“felt like a newborn baby was touching me” hahaha
I had a similar experience.

Stay far away. Girl had zero skills. Wouldn’t listen at all and insisted on doing how she wanted no what stimulated me. In fact just the opposite, anytime said something was good she immediately stopped and started doing something else. Fucking idiot. Sorry but having nuru gel squirted all over my chest and nipple rubbed isn’t a turn on. Why do I have to repeat 20 fucking times and she is still trying to do it? Plus I have places to go and don’t want to be covered in sticky gel all day.