What your preschooler knows — and needs to know

Two- and 3-year-olds may begin to notice that people sleeping on a park bench or panhandling on the curb are different, though they won't really get why — and probably won't ask. By age 4, kids will definitely pick up on it when they see someone who's homeless and will start peppering you with questions.

Your preschooler needs a simple explanation he can understand about what's going on and guidance on how to think about it. However you handle the situation — maybe you offer donations to homeless people in your neighborhood, choose to help in other ways, or neither — sends a message to your child. And, unexplained, that message may be confusing: "Mommy tells me to be polite, but she doesn't like it when I talk to that man on the street."

Even your body language can send a message about your feelings, whether you intend it to or not. So it's important to sort through your attitudes about poverty and look for opportunities to be open with your child about how you choose to deal with the issue.

How to begin talking about poverty and homelessness with your preschooler

Settle on your message. When you encounter a panhandler, are you concerned about the person's well-being — or are you annoyed to be hassled? "Sometimes parents communicate values they don't really intend to, but they do it unconsciously," says Judith Myers-Walls, associate professor in child development and family studies at Purdue University. If you walk by people sleeping on the street every day and never say anything about it, you may send the message that it's not okay to bring it up or that you're indifferent.

When your child grows curious, that's your cue to work through your thoughts so you can communicate a clear message. What are your rules about how friendly or cautious you want your child to be?

Explain your actions — or inactions. Whether you habitually offer money to homeless people or not, let your child in on why. If you'd like to show him that you want to help people in need but without giving cash, you could say, "I'll buy them a sandwich, but I won't give them money." Or, "No, I don't give money to people on the street, but I know there are programs that will help them."

Suzanne Lane, of Piedmont, California, a tony area near Oakland, says, "We want our daughter, Casey, to embrace all people, regardless of social or economic status." She makes a point of talking to Casey about homelessness, and the two started volunteering together when Casey was just 4.

Bring the topic up naturally. If your preschooler stares at a person pushing a shopping cart, say, "Let's think about a shopping cart. Why is that helpful? That helps when you have a lot of things to carry." Then mention that the person might not have a place to live or anywhere to put his stuff. The idea is to let your child know that it's okay to talk about what he sees.

For Cheryl Magadieu, the topic came up unexpectedly while she and her 4-year-old were at the library. "We found a book called Uncle Willie and the Soup Kitchen," she says. "I hadn't intended to discuss poverty with Holly at the time, but she was really interested, and we ended up taking the book home and reading it several times."

Kendra Robins, executive director of Project Night Night, a nonprofit that assembles care packages for homeless children, raised the topic this way with her 4-year-old: "I asked Cole what made him feel happy and safe. He listed his bed, his blankie, his mommy, and his bear. I asked if he thought every child had those things. He said he didn't know. I explained that some children don't have a home to go to, a bed, or a blankie to snuggle with. I asked if he could think of a way to help these children feel safe like he does. Cole, on his own, suggested sharing some of his toys and books."

Keep it simple. The concept of poverty is over your preschooler's head, so don't go into a lengthy discussion about complex causes or solutions. Just address the questions your child raises. When her daughter Casey, then 3, asked why people were handing out a newspaper called Street Sheet, Lane explained that they didn't have a place to live and they were offering the paper in exchange for a donation.

When Erin Hedden encourages her two preschool-age kids to donate toys to Toys for Tots or put money in the Salvation Army bucket during the holidays, she uses language they understand: "I explain that this helps everybody have a happy holiday."

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