Effective parenting can relieve holiday stress

Dec. 6, 2002

KALAMAZOO -- Consistency, compassion and a healthy dose of
self-confidence can ease some of the holiday headaches that confront
many parents this time of year, according to parenting experts
Lori Farrer and Bryce Dickey. Farrer and Dickey are both instructors
of family and consumer sciences at Western Michigan University.

"One of the things that is most important is keeping
a schedule for the kids," says Farrer. "That means
giving them regularly-scheduled meals, allowing for their regular
naps and so on. The whole consistency of routine is important."

Farrer, who teaches child development and examines trends
in toddler development, says "the other thing that comes
up for young children is having all these relatives in their
faces, and they don't necessarily know them. Give children time
to adjust."

The same goes for the sit-on-Santa's-lap routine, she adds.
"How many times have you walked by a Santa in the mall with
a child screaming on his lap and the parent standing there snapping
photos? What's wrong with this picture?

"The whole Santa thing doesn't have to be a big deal,
even if it is a fun thing for the parents. For some children,
they may want to go there and just stand and look at Santa, but
not get really close. That's fine," says Farrer. "Being
terrified just adds more stress to the season."

Dickey, whose expertise is in effective parenting and later-life
relationships, says well-meaning relatives also can be a source
of holiday stress for parents.

"They don't mean any harm, but often the well-meaning
relative wants to offer parenting advice that can undermine a
parent's confidence," Dickey says. "For example, if
I'm visiting my husband's family for Christmas dinner and my
son doesn't eat a food they put on the table, then I may feel
like I should have done something differently, or maybe I'm not
as a good a parent as I should be," she explains.

"The most important thing parents need to recognize is
that if given advice, simply say, 'Thank you, I'll think about
it,' and move on. The holidays are not a time to rethink your
parenting. You need to remind yourself that you're parenting
in the way that you are for a reason."