For the discerning cheapskate record collector

…I go to charity shops regularly and I have never seen a Phil Collins record there. Of course, I don’t know what they look like, so it’s possible I’ve seen one and just didn’t realise it. Edna Spatula, Yarmouth, Norfolk.

…Whenever I go thrifting for vinyl Lps, I only buy Shirley Bassey records. As a result, I now have over 800 albums by Dame Shirley, including multiple copies of some her more popular works. Bobby, Truro, Cornwall.

…They say “charity begins at home” so if I’m in a record enthusiast’s home, I help myself to whatever albums I fancy. And I always leave a pound per disc, as that seems to be the going rate.Kevin Liar-Liar, Pants-On-Fire, Berks.

…I own a chain of entertainment media charity shops throughout the UK and with the recent resurgence in vinyl sales, I’ve had to make a point of stocking more records. Unfortunately, I am obliged to pay the people who donate records (aka “distributors”) and I’m afraid I’ve had to pass these costs on to the consumer. Trevor Moore, CEO HMV Retail Ltd, London.

…I don’t believe in charity, so when I find myself in a charity shop I steal as many records as I can shove under my jumper. Those I can’t shoplift, I render unplayable by use of an X-Acto knife. These charity case layabouts need to learn there’s no such thing as a “free lunch” in this life. Major Percy Twat-Breth, Toxteth Hospital, Dangerous Criminals Ward.

…With regard to Major Twat-Breth’s letter [above], I think people who steal Lps from charity shops are the lowest of the low and, if caught, they should have their record collections impounded and donated to charity. Those with small or not very valuable record collections could be forced to donate blood to the Red Cross. Major Percy Twat-Breth (Mrs), Toxteth.

…I wish I had 5p for every Johnny Mathis record I’ve seen in a thrift store; I’d probably have upwards of £40, which would be a positive boon in these “austerity” times, I can tell you. Edgar Allan Po’ Boy (no relation), London.

…Back in my day me and my friends couldn’t afford proper pornography and had to use those Top Of the Pops albums for our jack-off fodder. So I advised my vinyl collector grandson to use rubber gloves when handling TOTP compilations at his local Oxfam. No doubt other mucky teens used them as I did and you can’t be too careful. Anonymous, Name and address available on request.

…I once bought an ABBA album at a Sue Ryder shop, so imagine my anger when I took it home only to find a Lionel Richie record inside. How they laughed at the police station when I explained myself having been arrested and charged with arson later that day. Nigel Ardman, Belmarsh Prison.

…I have never been in a charity shop, yet I have purchased scores of charity donated vinyl. “How can this be?” you ask. Simple, I live in the United States and we don’t call them charity shops, we call them thrift stores. A Asshole, Boston, Massachusetts, USA.

…I have made lots of money selling records on eBay that I bought in charity shops and I don’t even care. A N Other-Arsehole, Boston, Lincolnshire.

…Has anyone ever actually listened to a Bert Kaempfert record or did people just buy them and give them straightaway to charity? Tavish McGonnagle, Outer Hebrides, Scotland.

…I once found a Beatles “Butcher Cover” album in a Carlisle Cancer Research chazza, but put it back. Someone else will get more pleasure out of it I thought. Anna Karenninna, Carlisle, Cumbria.

…Yesterday my 14-year old son claimed that my entire charity shop’s record collection (over 1000 Lps and half again as many 7″ singles) could fit on his iPhone. We tried it and, remarkably, it did fit. Unfortunately the phone was crushed in the process. Kitch N Utensil, Delia, Derbyshire.

…I wish these so-called “crate-diggers” would bugger off and leave the charity shops to the rest of us normal record collectors. Mikey Mike, Brady, Herts

…I’ll never forget the time I went into a charity shop in Crewkerne. My family and I were driving back from holiday in Cornwall and we stopped in the picturesque Somerset village for lunch. Whilst there we visited the Scope charity shop where I found three EX+ condition Saturday Night Fever sound track albums. What are the odds of that? Mabel Budgerigars, Felixstowe, Suffolk.