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I like to say, the reason it’s important to include, “until death do we part,” in marital vows, is that you want the soul contract of marriage to end at the physical bodies death. As much as you love each other, you may or may not choose to come back together in another lifetime.

Relationship soul agreements are commitments you make to another person that last beyond your body’s lifespan. Love, romance, sensual steamy desire for another and elation when you are with the beloved is one of the primary drivers in our soul experience.

Connection with the beloved, when at its climax, feels like your soul’s reason for being. We all want to feel in love, to be in love, to feel loved, to feel seen, to be cherished by our beloved, and desired. To feel alive in the presence of the other.

Then why is love so hard? Why do long-term relationships seem to be more about working stuff out, tolerance, and compromise, then being turned on? And why are short-term relationships often so fraught with misunderstanding?

I believe it is because, through the power of love, you are fulfilling your soul agreements.

Beyond the hormones, mental and emotional attraction to partnership, there is this deep river of your soul’s drive to resolve unresolved experiences, or complete incomplete agreements. Unresolved or incomplete experiences are created by both positive, ecstatic love connection, and not so positive, painful interactions.

You come back together in your relationship soul agreements to either recreate an amazing feeling you want to experience again, or to resolve the old karma of a painful or traumatic experience. Maybe both.

For example, you may feel strongly that you are meant to be with someone who doesn’t feel the same for you. You have an unresolved soul agreement with them. One they are choosing not to show up for in this lifetime. Or you may feel compelled to stay in an abusive relationship because of your past life together. Karma that keeps you feeling you have a debt to pay or aren’t free to leave.

Our souls create relationship agreements both consciously and unconsciously. Marriage is a conscious agreement. But what type of soul agreement is created through physical intimacy? While science has some interesting things to say about love, there is little acknowledgment given to the soul’s experience of sexual connection.

Both partners enter with their own beliefs and soul agreements to play out. Is the intimacy a new celebration of what’s possible or is it revisiting an old soul agreement? The impact of merging energy goes beyond the mind, emotions and body.

Seeking consciousness of your relationship soul agreements and directly communicating what they mean to you with your lover is the best way to create positive love connections. It is vulnerable but powerful. It helps you avoid going down a painfully familiar path and unconsciously recreating repeat experiences. Experiences that may create more of the pain they were trying to heal.

You have the power to update, change or end your relationship soul agreements. The more you release of the souls unresolved experiences with your beloved the more joy is possible in the present. You stop working out old karma and start enjoying the moment.

Here’s a free guided meditation I made to help you update your soul agreements: Download

When you fall in love a lot of what attracts you to your beloved are matching beliefs, wounds and behaviors. They feel familiar. Will you continue repeating generational and personal patterns, or choose to change them?

The terms of your soul agreement are established in the early stages of courting. Some may even be in place from past lives your souls shared. Over time these agreements evolve through changes in commitment, communication and behaviors.

Yet some aspects of your soul agreement are operating based on old beliefs, wounds or past life unresolved experiences that brought you together.

For example one partner comes to the relationship with a family belief that prosperity requires stress, effort and hard work to obtain and maintain. This survival level wound has him working long hours to provide a lifestyle that he doesn’t get to enjoy, while resentment builds for his wife who seems to get all the benefits and doesn’t seem to be working as hard.

His wife has a matching wound. It is a wound to her personal power. She believes she will be punished if she exerts her power to manifest prosperity. As a child she was repeatedly reprimanded by her mother for using her power to get what she wanted. So she has chosen a career that doesn’t allow her to express her power.

When she takes steps to heal that wound she decides to make a career change to feel more empowered. Her husband encourages her. Yet because he believes that it is hard to generate prosperity, he influences her to take a job that is hard for her. It doesn’t fit her nature and she continues to feel disempowered.

On the surface it looks like they are working together to support the change in their soul agreement around prosperity but unconsciously the old pattern is still playing out. Until their matching soul level wounds and beliefs are released, the pattern will keep rearing its head in different forms in their relationship. Keeping them stuck in the lack of true prosperity and creating tension.

As your relationship with your beloved grows, your beliefs and old wounds have an opportunity to shift. Your soul agreement needs to be updated along the way. You came together for a purpose. The connection needs a renewed purpose to thrive. When you ask to see, heal and shift outdated aspects of your soul agreement you create new purpose to thrive in love and partnership.

I offer couple’s soul agreement readings with both partners present. It takes an immense courage for two people to look directly at their relationship agreement. It is a very powerful soul freeing evolutionary step.

Being naked before another, merging bodies, vulnerable with desire, allows the soul to be seen in ways not available in other forms of relationship. A soul agreement with the beloved, the pleasure and intensity that it offers, is one of the strongest, if not THE most powerful desire of the body-soul experience.

Its power is in merging and vulnerability. It draws out all of your beauty as well as sneaks its way into your shadowy corners. It can be unfathomably supportive or painfully destructive.

Seeking or finding your soul mate, has a resonance of destiny. If you don’t feel seen or fully connected with your lover, you may not believe you are with your soul mate. Yet something unexplainable keeps you together. You can’t seem to break free even if this lover is not “the one.” You have yet to complete your soul agreement.

Does it feel like you “knew” each other before you met? Or are you just now finding each other for the first time this lifetime? What are you here to do together? Having a strong soul agreement can feel like you’ve found your soul mate, but have you?

Old soul agreements have many influences from one or more past life experiences. When you choose to come back together in the form of lovers /life partners, you have commitments to keep. It can be a simple as recreating the love you shared or as complex as paying a karmic debt. It always involves resolving incomplete past experiences together.

When you call in a new soul agreement for a lover /life partner, it can be an evolution of your soul. It can also be that you are ready for a different soul lesson and this lover is available to facilitate it.

Some connections end too soon, leaving a longing. The soul agreement not complete. Others last longer than you may think is needed. Once you’ve worked through your karma or kept your past life commitments to each other, the sense that there is something to do together may fade. A new agreement needs to be created for the relationship to thrive.

When a romantic partnership changes or ends, or if one or more partner is ready to change the form of the relationship, updating the soul agreement smooth’s the transition. Letting go is easier. Creating a new way is available.

A true soul mate is the beloved with whom you have a current soul agreement; one who is a kindred spirit, lover, friend and evolving with you as a soul.

You are born surrounded by parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins who are part of a web of souls coming together for a collective soul agreement. Your longest-term soul lessons come from family members, whether they are physically present or absent from your life. The way you receive or reject each other, nurture or neglect each other, control or empower each other, encourage or put-down each other.

Having a soul agreement with each of these key players in your life means:

It does not guarantee that you will keep these agreements. Nor that family will behave in a way that is loving, kind, helpful or growth oriented. Sometimes soul agreements involve retraction, contraction, obstacles, pain, loss, suffering or aloneness.

Family soul agreements are the juiciest kind as they get activated before your soul-body consciousness kicks in. The physical body’s early development is an incubation time for the soul. The soul in a new body has to surrender to an infant’s limitations and learn to eat, sleep, walk, talk, read, count and many other skills needed to survive.

In that early time when you are completely dependent on your care takers for survival, you are open to the imprint of your mother, father, siblings or others who take care of you. How they feel about themselves and how they feel about you forms your view of yourself. The lens you see the world through. Their beliefs and behaviors set unconscious programs in place that you may carry with you your entire life.

In the cauldron of their own soul lessons, your arrival into your family may have come with joy or fear. The tone of your arrival is reflective of your soul agreements with your family. You may have a soul agreement to arrive under the sunny energy of true love. Or you may have an agreement to come in at a certain time, even if the timing isn’t convenient for them, it may even be stressful or unwanted.

Soul agreements with family contain a heavy portion of loyalty, sometimes beyond what is healthy. Therefore, abandonment is exceptionally painful when it comes from family. The ripping away of the biologically programmed survival connection can forever haunt a person’s life.

If you’ve had difficult or abusive relationships with family members, it’s hard to image that your soul chose the agreement. Remember the future is not written. Each soul involved in a relationship has a choice and each day every soul chooses in every moment if they will listen to and live from their wounds and fears or seek healing and love.

So know that although you may have a soul agreement with difficult family members, it doesn’t mean you are required to continue to tolerate abuse. These souls may have an obligation to fulfill with you from a past life. They may have come in with the intention of healing and found the world around them cultivated more wounds, pain and fear.

If you are here to cultivate love and healing, which I suspect you are because you are reading this blog post, then you’re taking the opportunity to shift the trajectory of your soul agreements. You can alter these agreements through your spiritual intentions, through shifting what you are willing to experience with your family members.

You may love your family and also choose to complete your soul agreements with some of them at the end of this lifetime, or even before this lifetime ends. You also may set the intention to meet again in some future soul shape and journey in new ways. I offer guidance on how to do this in the post How to Change a Soul Agreement.

You have the power to heal, resolve or complete your family soul agreements even if the other person is not willing to participate in this shift. The simple truth in family soul agreements is that no matter which role you are playing in the family, parent, child or sibling, you are each other’s teachers.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you’ll know exactly what to do. Michelle Ventor

A soul agreement relationship can feel confusing when you don’t know if it is for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Sometimes you get overly attached and the relationship ends. Other times you feel complete after the purpose of your work together is done. Not all people arrive to a sense of completion at the same pace.

If your agreement is for a reason, your encounter is generally quick. You get in a fender bender. The kindness that you and the other driver respond with provides an opportunity for both of you to heal your fears of a stranger’s anger. Agreements for a reason may show up to complete a past life commitment or be a Divine hand to point you in a different direction than you were heading.

Agreements for a season last longer. They can involve helping someone through a challenging time, or showing up for each other in ways that push you to evolve. They’re more likely to leave lingering feelings of attachment when they end.

A “season” soul agreement came through my life fifteen years ago. I worked with Theresa, a woman who was single and pregnant at forty. The father was older than her, and chose not to be involved although they’d been engaged when she got pregnant. He didn’t want to become a father again at his age. Her family was unavailable to support her.

One day at work she mentioned that she was going to start her Lamaze classes soon. I asked her, “Who is going with you?” She replied that she was going alone. I felt compelled to offer to go with her. She accepted my offer although we were only acquaintances. We attended birthing classes together and I was at the hospital when her daughter was born. We kept in touch for a year after the birth, but when I changed jobs we lost contact.

My soul agreement with Theresa and her daughter Hannah was simple; support them through this challenging time. Don’t let them go it alone. I felt compelled and can’t explain why, it was our soul agreement. A sure sign you have a soul agreement is when you feel compelled to do something beyond the level of your existing relationship.

I would love to know how they are doing, but our relationship agreement was completed in the season of Theresa’s pregnancy and first year of her daughter’s life. It faded with love, acceptance and appreciation on both sides.

You may feel sad or disappointed when a relationship fades after an intense journey shared together. Yet if you have completed your soul agreement it is natural that there is no draw to continue connecting.

In some cases, one person may be clear that the agreement is complete or they may decide not to complete their agreement in this lifetime. That can create residual karma and cause you pain. If you don’t feel at peace about the end of a relationship it is time to update your soul agreement. Alternately if you want to maintain a continued connection after the purpose of your coming together has been fulfilled, it helps to update your soul agreement with new intentions.

In next week’s blog I’ll provide a guideline for updating your soul agreements.

The lens we perceive all experiences through is colored by our past experiences. Beyond what has occurred for the body, mind and heart, the experiences of the Soul carry a memory that subconsciously imprints our present life. Our Akashic record is the term for the spiritual history of our Soul. To find complete healing we must release unresolved energy from our past to make space for a new reality.

The Akashic records contain all of the details of past experiences, from this life and previous lifetimes, whether we remember them or not. We each have a spiritual helper whose job is to maintain that record. The challenge is that the history of our Soul contains every detail of our past experience, some which were left unresolved or caused wounds that we may have healed psychologically but not spiritually.

The energy of these past unresolved experiences continues to be in our space, magnetically attracting similar experiences. We see this most clearly when we become aware of a pattern in our lives, such as choosing an abusive relationship. We have done the psychological work to heal that pattern, changed our behaviors that are associated with it, yet still find it showing up in our lives. Pretty frustrating!

Our Akashic record is a journal of our Soul’s experiences, from a neutral perspective, no judgment, simply a historical record. When we make choices in this life that lead to our healing we are creating the opportunity to change our experiences going forward. We release beliefs, patterns and wounds from the past and experience a new reality. In order to have complete healing, we have to address the Soul level as well as the mind, body and heart.

In the psychic realm we can look at the unresolved experiences from our past and communicate with the spirit keeper of the Akashic records to update them. If we ask, our Akashic record keeper will help us by maintaining the memory of the past experience that was unresolved while releasing the charge on the energy that is magnetically drawing matching experiences in from the universe.

Using our intuitive awareness we have the opportunity to see and clear past wounds for ourselves, releasing the vibration that is drawing in experiences we don’t want to repeat. Sometimes we are too close to clearly see our own wounds, or we can see them and don’t have the neutrality to heal them. It’s in these moments that we ask for outside assistance. Having a trusted teacher or healer see on our behalf and hold space for the shifting of energy.

The past is a fun place to explore when we can see the full-spectrum of experiences as part of what has made us who we are today. Past experiences mold our perspective and vision in the present. To reclaim our power to experience the life we want, we have to release ourselves from the unconscious grip of past wounds and belief systems that were based on a limited perspective. Working with our Akashic record keeper opens the door to a facet of healing that allows complete integration of our body, mind, heart and Soul’s experiences in the now.

Soul contracts or relationship agreements have a heavy influence on our experience of attraction and attachment. When we have a relationship agreement or soul contract with someone we find ourselves drawn to them and may not understand why. We just know that something strong is pulling us to connect.

Attraction is a combination of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. The enduring connections combine all aspects aligned for both parties. When one party experiences a significantly stronger attraction than the other and the relationship doesn’t take root or roots itself in shallow soil.

Sexual connections with someone we have a soul contract with can be expansive, crack us open and leave us wanting more. The momentary energetic oneness stirs up all that our souls have known together. It can be both ecstatic and excruciating. Beyond the primal physical and psychological aspects of our mating game, what is it that hooks us in? Why might one person think its love and the other not?

When we have a soul contract with someone, a promise we’ve made in this life or a past lifetime, both parties don’t always see the agreement the same context. It may be there is a debt owed from incomplete karma. Or our promise was to show-up to remind the other person of something they asked us to remind them of, even if it doesn’t feel so loving when we deliver the message.

Our messenger may arrive when we aren’t in a good place to receive the message or they may not relay the message in a form we comprehend. We may react, stir the pot with awareness that isn’t fully informed, and create more karma with each other rather than healing or competing past unresolved energies.

We may feel like we’ve known the person forever although we just met. We might feel an irrational sense of attraction when we have nothing in common; or an unexplainable sense of attachment after a short encounter. These are not just psychological or physical responses. There is a layer of spiritual activity a play.

When both parties are present to the possibility of the soul contract, healing and growth is heightened. A powerful aspect of self-responsibility comes when we own our ability to update our relationship agreements rather than be at the whim of whatever comes.

If you have a soul contract you are ready to update to present time you can do this by going into your mediation space and visualizing the relationship agreement with the particular person, the contract:

See the details or general aspects of the agreement and choose what parts you would like to keep which parts you are ready to release.

Imagine the parts that are outdated being crossed off the contract.

Send the request through your intention to the soul of the other person.

Sign the new contract with your mark, to make it real.

Put it in an imaginary bubble and ask the Supreme Being to bless it.

Ask your Akashic record keeper to record a copy of the new agreement and to give a copy to the other person’s record keeper.

If the relationship is very deep and influential you may need outside help from a professional clairvoyant healer to see clearly the aspects of the relationship that need to be adjusted. Romantic relationships, love and sex are powerful influencers in the human experience. Honor that power with your positive intentions and give yourself grace for the healing process.

We all experience moments of feeling compelled to repeat unproductive behavior, or drawn to a place or person with an intensity that doesn’t make sense relative to our life reference points. In these instances, a magnetic power seems to be at play from which it is hard to break free. The triggered emotional response influences our choices and actions. Frequently the root of these inexplicable episodes is in a past life experience left unresolved. It usually doesn’t feel good to have this type of compelling urge. It feels a bit crazy, out of our control, vulnerable and illogical. A look at our past lives reveals responses and behaviors that have no basis in our conscious history. We use intuitive tools to gain clarity, break the cycle and reclaim our power.

Past life experiences are brought to our awareness to give us the opportunity to heal unresolved emotions that continue to unconsciously affect the present. We can ignore, suppress or devalue the energy, but by doing so we are simply allowing it to remain in the backlog of unfinished business we tow around through this life and into the next. To objectively look at our own past life information we need to take the elevator up from our instinctual second chakra feeling space to our intuitive sixth chakra seeing place. From that center of our intuitive space, we ask to see the root of the repetitive pattern and the details of the experience from this lifetime or a past life that generated it. Once we have followed the story of that lifetime in our minds eye, we can acknowledge that our feelings were a valid response at that time. Then we say to ourselves, “This feeling is no longer true in present time.” In this way we reclaim our power to generate a new experience. Next we watch all energetic-charge from the unresolved or false beliefs it contains release. This can be visualized as the energy moving out of the past life memory into a bubble, that is sent far away and popped, or draining off of it through a grounding cord. With the energetic-charge released from this past experience, we ask our Akashic (soul) record keeper to update our soul’s record with this shift. As a final step, we fill in our energy space with a big golden ball of light vibrating at our own energy.

Our desire for answers and inner-peace sets the intention for what is revealed in the process of reading past lives. Ultimately the question we are asking of this information is, “what does it mean for my life now?” The answer we receive holds a deeper truth, allowing us to heal in this lifetime. Exploring our past lives helps us more gracefully move through the lessons our soul came here to learn.

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