While out for much-needed dinner and drinks with some girlfriends recently I found myself temporarily blinded by the glare coming off of a sparkling new ring one of them was wearing.

The rock was from her husband, she told us, a “push present” after their daughter was born a few months back. And it was gorgeous.

All eyes turned to me. After all, I just had a baby, too. So what did I get?

“Nothing,” I admitted. “Well, I mean nothing other than the baby. And he went and got me a 6-inch pizza sub afterwards, too.”

They were all seething with jealousy, I could tell.

Actually, it turns out I was in the minority as most of the moms around the table had some jewel or keepsake to show for the hours spent bringing their babes into the world.

To make matters worse, Amelia was born on Mother’s Day and not only did I not get a so-called push present, but in all the pre-baby madness I didn’t get a Mother’s Day gift either. (Apart from a hand print card that Maddie made at preschool, which I loved, of course.) I suddenly felt as if maybe I’d been screwed over. Husband, if you’re reading this: You sooo owe me a diamond.

When it comes right down to it, though, I’m not sure how I feel about push presents. Do I deserve his undying admiration and devotion for going through childbirth – twice? Absolutely. But I didn’t really do it for him. He doesn’t need to reward me for it.

And truth be told, after all those hours spent laboring and delivering, that pizza sub and a hot shower were probably all I would have asked for anyways.

53 Responses to Where’s my push present?

I’ve actually never even heard of this, and I think the idea is silly. A new baby seems like a great “push present.” My husband brought me a huge donut after our daughter was born, and after dealing with gestational diabetes it seemed like the best present in the world!

SnowyRowsays:

August 4, 2010 at 9:23 pm

I did receive a push present – but only after reading about it (probably on BabyCenter somewhere, actually) and sharing the idea with my husband. He then thoughtfully ordered me a beautiful fairy figure for my wall (by my favorite fairy artist), which arrived the day I was able to come home from the hospital (great timing!). It worked out well for us, and extra nice for me, since we had to leave our son in the NICU for a few more days. I really appreciated it, and now the fairy hangs on our wall in the kitchen and I love to look at it every day.

I think it’s a cute idea and gesture – but not really all that necessary when it all comes down to it. I was glad that we did finally get to take our healthy little boy home at the end of the week. (But I have to admit it was nice to get the gift, all the same – as if it’s ever not nice to receive a gift!).

Skmart72says:

August 4, 2010 at 10:05 pm

I have heard of “push presents” and while I don’t judge others that receive diamonds, Coach bags & other expensive gifts for having a baby, its not really necessary for me. I wouldn’t turn it down but its not a requirement. I guess the question is can you afford to spend your $$$ like that? If you can then great but if you’re simply trying to keep up with the “Joneses” then that is silly.

Sorchasays:

August 4, 2010 at 10:07 pm

SnowyRow, that sounds like a lovely gift.

I think if it’s something bought as a thoughtful gift to show appreciation and love, then a ‘push’ present is fine. Unfortunately, I’ve encountered far too many women who berate and goad their husbands into buying them some form of expensive jewelery – that’s what I think is tacky and awful.

I didn’t get a ‘push’ present, nor did I tell my husband about them. My daughter was more than enough, and the sandwich hubby brought for me after she was born!

Nickisays:

August 4, 2010 at 10:10 pm

I think you need new friends if all that matters is a dumb ring. I got a stuffed animal raccoon and I love it dearly. I keep it on my bed. I think someone that requires something as “cheap” as a diamond ring is way too superficial anyway. A piece of jewelry doesn’t take much thought. I would expect my husband to put a little more thought into a gift than that. Hey, at least they are easily mollified. Too bad that their babies weren’t enough for them.

Cillasays:

August 4, 2010 at 10:23 pm

I think the idea is pretty dumb. I have too much junk in the first place. Besides that, my husband doted on me for the last half of my pregnancy and for four weeks afterward. How could a little trinket compare to having my every need attended to while I was busy with the baby? Real love is going out in the middle of the night to buy your wife a chocolate milkshake, not giving her some useless jewlrey.

Virginiasays:

August 4, 2010 at 11:08 pm

I honestly think this idea is silly! I have never heard of it before and don’t think I would tell my husband about it either. He gave me a beautiful baby girl and we are about to have a baby boy in September and that seems like enough for me! Without him, I would never have had them and that would be so sad in my mind! To those women who think it is needed to get a “push present” is a little pushy and presumptuous to me.

I know that after our son is born my hubby is going to be bringing me some pizza and a nice big piece of chocolate cake, since I can eat neither with gestational diabetes.

Sarasays:

August 4, 2010 at 11:19 pm

I think a push present is a great idea. It’s an opportunity to purchase a sentimental piece of jewlery. It’s a huge moment in your life and it should be celebrated. It’s not just about getting something for birthing a child.
I, personally, don’t think a push present should be something like a purse or shoes; I think it should be something you can own forever and eventually pass down to the child. My husband gave me a pearl ring for our June baby and a garnet ring for our January baby. We liked the idea of doing the birthstones.
If you can afford the big diamond ring- then why not get it. People are always going to judge you no matter which way you decide to go, so don’t even worry about people being jealous.

I didn’t get a push present. I didn’t get a Mother’s Day present, either, nor did I get an anniversary ring for our 10th wedding anniversary. Oh well.

Amiesays:

August 5, 2010 at 5:34 am

When I had our daughter, hubby gave me a diamond tennis bracelet as a “push present” but when I had our son, we didn’t have the cash on hand, so he didn’t get me a push present, which was also just fine.

The tennis bracelet also worked in my daughter’s favor because I had to have three of the links taken out because my wrists are pretty tiny, so we had the three extra diamonds reset and Emelie got her very first diamond earrings & a diamond pendant.

Donnasays:

August 5, 2010 at 6:01 am

After our daughter was born, my husband bought us matching watches. He wanted to “re-commit” ourselves to each other and the family we had created. It is one of the pieces of jewelry that I wear on a daily basis, and everyday it reminds me to focus on our life together.

My push present was weekends off from night feeding for the entire first year. (God bless pumps and the husbands who know how to put a bottle together at 2 in the morning.) I may not have had a diamond to adorn my finger, but I didn’t have shadows adorning my eyes either.
If John were to show up with a diamond for the birth of our child, I would have immediately thought of how many diapers that could have bought instead.

Kelesays:

August 5, 2010 at 6:30 am

I had never heard of a “push present” until we had our first son and honestly I thought it was kind of lame. I mean my husband spent 9 months babying me and rubbing my feet/back/neck etc, he drove all over creation finding exactly what it was that I wanted to eat, he went to every appointment, in short…he was a beaming dad-to-be and a loving doting husband…why on earth should he buy me anything for doing my part? This time arounf however I am requesting that a specific soda be ice cold and ready for me after the birth of our second son. ^_^

Laurasays:

August 5, 2010 at 6:32 am

While I agree that a child is the “push present” I also think that the husband (fiance, significant other, whoever) should show appreciation in some way. After all – my husband didn’t have to carry around the baby for 10 months. And my husband didn’t have to go through the gall bladder attacks I was going through, nor did he have to go through the recovery from a c-section. I’d do it all over again for my son, but I was really bummed when I didn’t get ANYTHING from my husband as a “thank you” – and I’m not a diamonds kind of girl. All I wanted were flowers or a card. Didn’t have to be expensive, just an acknowledgement “Wow, you sure went through a lot.”

First Grade Divasays:

August 5, 2010 at 8:21 am

Bryan, I hear what you’re saying. To that end , I bought my husband a subscription to the a “Whisky of the Month Club” and literally wrote “Thank you for putting up with me!” in the card that accompanied the first shipment. =) As for me, I had originally wanted a glamorous piece of jewelry as a push present, but that wish has faded as the realities of moving to a bigger more expensive apartment and the possibility of not returning to work have grown.

JoslynsMomsays:

August 5, 2010 at 8:27 am

I got a necklace while I was pregnant and hubby had to take a business trip. A diamond and pearl pendant – diamond is hubby’s birthstone and J was due in June so pearl for her. I love it. And while I was in the hospital after birth I got dinner brought in every night from a favorite local restaraunt. The best thing he gave me was his genetics for our daughter. And he never left my side save for picking up those dinners while I was in the hospital and he was home that entire first week and also the week before my maternity leave was over. His gift of time and love and devotion was and still is enough. We are lucky ladies at my house.

SparkingBatsays:

August 5, 2010 at 8:54 am

I didn’t get a ‘push present’ with my first daughter and didn’t care. My husband treated me like a princess throughout my whole pregnancy and stayed home with us for the first 2 weeks. With my second daughter (born 4 days before mother’s day) I wasn’t expecting anything (nor did I care), but he suprised me with the most amazing mother’s day gift ever: it was a ring with two pink hearts to symbolize our two girls. I bawled when I saw it and 2 years later it’s my favourite piece of jewelry, besides my wedding band (yes, I love it more than my engagement ring!).

lrsays:

August 5, 2010 at 9:55 am

I bought myself a “push present.” Really, it’s just a small band ring with my daughter’s birthstones in it. I wear it everyday becuase it keeps her with me all the time – even when we’re apart. I actually feel guilty if I don’t put it on in the morning. At this point, it’s right up their with my wedding rings – if I’m wearing one, I’m wearing the other.

Carolyn Robertsonsays:

August 5, 2010 at 9:58 am

Bryan – yes, good point. My husband definitely earned himself a diamond during my moody and often miserable 9 months.

Sprite’s Keeper – I think I’ll suggest that to my husband today! Weekends off sounds like heaven right about now!

Melaniesays:

August 5, 2010 at 1:19 pm

I got a present after I gave birth to my first but it was also my 10 year anniversary present. (she was born 10 days after) I got a diamond pendant and necklace. I got my husband a new watch. We had trouble conceiving and I think it was nice to get each other something to celebrate the fact that we did it together.

No present for my second but she was sick and the fact that she ended up being okay was present enough. In addition we figured with the added cost of now having two children we could use the money for other things.

Megansays:

August 5, 2010 at 7:09 pm

I think the very concept of a push present takes away from the incredible specialness of bringing a baby into the world. If my husband presented me with a piece of jewelery for any reason, I certainly wouldn’t turn it down. But I don’t need or want anything material. I got my baby, our second daughter, after a year of a pregnancy disappointment, chemo, and 6 months of waiting to ttc. Why on earth would I need anything to reward myself, other than our very wanted daughter? The best day of my life was the day she was born.

Living Down Undersays:

August 5, 2010 at 11:41 pm

I’d never heard of “push presents” until I was pregnant with my first daughter. I never mentioned it to my partner coz I’ve always been the kind of person who doesn’t like presents for the sake of presents… i.e. just coz it’s my birthday or mother’s day… I much prefer the gifts that come my way for no special reason except that whatever it is reminded the person giving the gift of me. If the gift is found on my birthday, all the better!

I don’t think “push presents” take away from the specialness of having the baby. I wouldn’t really want one but at the same time, I think that most of the women who got one would be OK if they didn’t. I’m really glad that I have a partner who takes on the role of parenting with me, equally. Right now, I’m home with the kiddies and he works all week but will take the kids out by himself for a couple of hours on the weekend just so I can have some time for myself. I know a lot of dads who leave it to the mums to deal with the babies and I know a lot of women who enable that. Receiving or not receiving a “push present” doesn’t signify what type of parents or what your partnership is like. I think it’s nice that some men go out and get something for the new mama once the baby is born – it’s too bad that it then becomes another thing to compete about.

Meagansays:

August 6, 2010 at 10:15 am

I did not recieve a gift after our son was born even though we had both heard of such a thing. To me, finally having a baby and seeing the look on my husbands face when he held the little one for the first time was more incredible than any gift he could have given me.

On the other hand, I did get my husband something, baby footprint cufflinks. I was the one who had a miracle growing inside me. I got to feel every kick and hiccup and toss and turn the baby made for 38 weeks. I got a gift everyday with every movement he made. My husband did not, and I wanted to give him something special because he deserved it.

Kristinasays:

August 6, 2010 at 10:23 am

I never received a ”push present”, the baby was enough!!!! …and beautiful and healthy, this is the most important.
Why should we ask for more?

I don’t like to call it a “push present”, but my husband gifted me with a piece of jewelry for both of my children’s births that entailed the child’s birthstone. “Push present” seems to undermine the significance of the child…the greatest gift! But, I do love the jewelry that I have with each child’s birthstone…it reminds me of how special that time was and I look forward to passing their individual pieces of jewelry on to them someday.

Katesays:

August 6, 2010 at 12:45 pm

All I wanted were flowers and my DH didn’t do that with my first baby. I went through 36 hours of labor and then an emergency c-section. I was quite bummed about it. The 2nd one however… I got my flowers. lol

Penniesays:

August 6, 2010 at 6:22 pm

Seems kinda silly to me, too. But if you have the means to buy a push present on top of all the other presents you could get, knock yourself out. My healthy little girl is enough for me Then again I’m generally not a huge fan of jewelry or any gifts that aren’t for my daughter lol

Sarahsays:

August 6, 2010 at 7:05 pm

Yup, I got a present each time…a beautiful baby. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a father getting a present, but in some circles it’s becoming an expectation which I find tacky. Sure, being pregnant is often
tough (as is labor) but frankly I felt lucky to be the one who had the amazing experience of carrying and delivering our children. That said, the pastrami on
rye that my husband ran out to get me was a pretty nice “reward.”

Jennifersays:

August 8, 2010 at 5:05 pm

I did not get a ‘push present.’ I was really hoping for one too, especially after he came out face up with his little fists balled up next to his chin. I had to have an episiotomy and nearly had a c-section. They even had to add another dose to my epidural because it started to wear off.

After all that, jewelry or a Sprite would have been fabulous.

Beckysays:

August 10, 2010 at 6:50 pm

I am not expecting anything from my hubby (except for a hoagie from Wegmans!), i agree that him having to put up with me over the last 8 1/2 months is more then enough!

I am making a little goodie bag of gifts for him though! The time after Ethan is born is going to be so focused on him and I, i want my hubby to realize how important he is in the whole thing, and much i appreciate everything he’s done for me the entire pregnancy

Ksays:

August 11, 2010 at 9:09 am

I would think the push present would be your brand new baby, but that’s just me. Yes, it would be nice for the father to surprise you with flowers or something.

I love all of you who are super excited about the junk food you get to eat after you deliver. That’s awesome!

Lydiasays:

August 16, 2010 at 12:36 am

I didn’t receive a push present per se, but my husband did spoon feed me in the hospital when I had to use two hands to nurse our son (so he wouldn’t put pressure on my c-section wound) and felt like I hadn’t eaten for 9 months. I did tell my husband that I would have appreciated flowers, if only because I had to be in the hospital for 3 days and the room was rather cold and dreary. Some flowers would have really cheered the place up and probably made me feel a little better about being there for so long. I think a “push present” is fine so long as it is sentimental and meaningful, not just a jewel to show off to your friends. Personally I would prefer a teddy bear that I could give to the child one day, but I have a thing for teddy bears. I think that the money would be much better spent on things for the family, but “if mommy ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” and all that. If mommy needs to feel appreciated, then daddy aught to help her feel better, but remember, it works the other way, too ladies!

Desiree Myerssays:

August 16, 2010 at 8:35 pm

I love the idea of a push present… it doesn’t have to be big like a ring, but if that is what the husband wants to get to appreciate his wife go with it, that’s great! I have dropped hints to my husband that I might want his support and admiration at a time when I feel vulnerable and like I have just been ripped apart physically, even something like a card with special thoughts, or a special treat that he knows you will crave without needing to ask. Or a momento of the birth of each child, like a new stone on a bracelet, or a charm for each child, or a plant in the garden as a collection to add to with each child.

Hi All,
Everyone seems to call this particular present a ‘push’ present and i think that is the completely wrong term for it. Yes i did get a (jewelry)present after my daughter was born, not for my ‘hard work’ but to remember the most special day in our lives. And to celebrate that with a gift is thoughtful and sweet (my opinion anyway). I also got my husband a gift to celebrate this new phase in our lives together and neither of us had asked for a present or new the other one was buying something… So there you go, just a nice gesture to your partner for a very, very special occasion.

Ashtonsays:

September 28, 2010 at 7:07 am

the sweetest thing my husband did for me after 32+ hours of labor ending in a C Section was spoon feeding me my melted chocolate ice cream. I didn’t want to eat it when it was cold, so he melted it for me and fed me for 10 minutes while I fed our son. Just showing that he was still there for me was all I needed.

Rachelsays:

October 9, 2010 at 7:13 pm

After my son was born my husband wanted to get our son’s name tattoo d on his arm. He wanted to have something that would be with him always. I fully supported that decision and it’s amazing, he can’t wait to have more children and get their names on him as well. I myself wanted something that I could pass along to my son when he was older but until then something that would represent the joy I felt when I had him. I got a ring and every time I look at it I’m reminded just how lucky I am to have this beautiful little boy as my son. It’s not about the “push” it’s about the symbolism. To those that say they don’t want anything that’s fine but don’t get upset at the people who do want something. To each their own.

Larasays:

October 18, 2010 at 10:54 pm

WOOOOOW! thats all I have to say…this is far fetched and rediculous in my book! I’m with some of the other women…think of how many diapers, wipes, formula, clothes, and other necessities that could buy!!! My husband and I are 22 and 23 years old our little boy was kinda a surprise…we had talked about kids and knew we were going to have them just not so soon! We weren’t completely financially prepared when he got here but we’re doing great! My son was born perfectly healthy and my pregnancy was great and so was delivery…thats all I could ever ask for and my husband was loving and there with me through it all! Thats the greatest gift I could have ever recieved and I thank God for it every day!

Jayceesays:

March 30, 2011 at 3:26 pm

how totally ridiculous. An invention of retails stores and card companies

Mommy2timessays:

April 14, 2011 at 7:13 am

I told my husband about the “push present” after I read about it in a magazine somewhere. I didn’t expect a diamond ring or nothing expensive for that matter, but I did expect him to take notice that I wanted something. I wanted him to pick somehting that he felt was from the heart. So, after the birth of my 1st born, he pulled out a beautiful card with a special note to me from him and a gift certificate to a spa for a massage! Much needed!!!! I love him! I perosnally don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting or asking for a push present. What we go through is a BIG deal, childbirth should be rewarded. I’m due for our second baby any day now, and he actually brought up the push present topic…”I know exactly what I’m going to get this time!” – Any reason to shower your wife with some form of appreciation is never stupid, caddy, or ridiculous in my book! But, to each it’s own.

Lady Jsays:

May 1, 2011 at 12:52 am

Really, you chose to get pregnant and have a baby, you’re not special for making that choice and you don’t deserve a reward. Be a parent. That’s your reward.

I find the idea incredibly offensive. Nothing says prostitute quite like that. Sorry I’m sure I’ll offend people but you’ve cheapened something beautiful by making it superficial. You’re bringing life into the world. You’re expanding your family. You don’t deserve a prize for doing something that even the dumbest animals can do.

Also sweetie, it’s catty, not caddy… Unless you’re playing golf.

Wombatsays:

May 2, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Wow– these are really judgmental comments. Defensive much?

The idea that it “cheapens” the day or that it “prostitutes” the relationship says much about the writer. It does not speak of gracious gift giving of receiving.

I think the idea is justified. After all, you get a diamond engagement ring and wedding bands for you’re wedding, and having a baby and solidifying and committing to a new family is just as, if not more, important. But in my opinion, it should be something sentimental not items you may discard in the future i.e. clothes, shoes, bags, etc

I recently spoke with my husband about getting a ring designed with 3 small diamonds to represent him, me and our daughter. And have it engraved on the inside. He thought it was a great idea and is fully supportive, considering I hardly ever spend money or time on myself. Not sure if this classifies as a push present, but I wanted something to symbolize my commitment and love to my family, just like my wedding rings do.

Rubysays:

May 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

In Europe I think this is completely normal – I’m Irish and most mothers I knew (friends mums when I was growing up) had gifts of beautiful jewellery – usually a ring, after the birth of a child. I expect one. I think there is a lot of *slightly jealous* women out there! ‘a baby is enough’ blah blah.. so..? It’s a beautiful gift – especially if you are used to receiving jewellery as gifts, which most women are I imagine.. unless finances prevent it..? why would you have a baby if you weren’t financially comfortable? …it takes all types… each to their own..

Mikesays:

August 19, 2011 at 9:37 am

I got my wife a diamond necklace/earring set recently as a “push present” for our first child. I did this more out of guilt and peer pressure from her friends than I any other reason. While I appreciate the effort and sacrifice that she made, I feel as most others posted that this can be shown thru my support, extra effort to help and affection. Unless you’re a wealthy household, the cost of having a baby is significant enough…I’d much rather put the additional $1k-$2k into a 529 for the baby rather than another bauble.

Push present. Though the name is a bit silly, I do agree with the idea. Here’s the reason:
People are getting the wrong idea about the tradition. The tradition is designed to give the mother something that she will have for the rest of her life that commemorates her experience of bringing a new life into the world. The actual gift itself should be symbolic of an endless love and desire for protection of the mother and child throughout their lives. It’s deep, emotional, and beautiful. That being said, new shoes would not fall into the category of a “perfect push present”, and it is not a selfish act but rather a self-LESS act of kindness and joy. Juno Lucina just launched a whole line of beautiful push gifts for new mothers http://www.jlucina.com. That is what the perfect push gift looks like.

MommyWowsays:

August 9, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Wow there sure are a lot of jealous and catty women on here lol!! Don’t judge others just because you can’t afford nice jewelry or because your husband didn’t think enough of you to WANT to get you something to honor the occassion. It’s not about demanding or expecting a gift but it sure is awesome to know your spouse loves you enough to WANT to get you something special. We’re lucky enough to be able to afford tons of clothes, diapers, formula, etc to spoil our child and also get a nice piece of jewelry to represent the birth as well for me! No offense, but saying that your husband “put up with you” or did something nice for you after the delivery (like pick you up food) is kind of sad in my book. Your husband should always do nice things for you (and vice versa) and if he’s not treating you like gold always (not just after delivery), then you probably married the wrong guy or don’t think enough of yourself and have very low expectations! Putting in more effort, getting you food, doing night feedings etc are all normal expectations and nothing out of the ordinary. He should be doing these things as it’s both of your baby and 1/2 of all the baby needs should be done by him. Since you are laid up in the hospital, he should be bringing you food as you would do for him if he were sick. As for the “putting up with you”, how the heck were you when you were pregnant?! It makes is sound like you were a royal witch to deal with. I don’t get that. I had a very difficult pregnancy and even worse delivery with a 9 wk early preemie who almost didn’t make it and an emergency c-section in which I almost didn’t make it (severe pre-eclampsia) but never was I “difficult” for my husband and if your husband has to “put up with you” then maybe you should take a look at your own behavior. I think too many women use the horomones or the pregnancy as an excuse to be nasty. Anyway, long story short, you can have it all, a beautiful baby, a wonderful husband who treats you great always, and a piece of expensive jewelry (or whatever gift you would like) to honor the special day!! I find it sad that some of you women above are so jealous that your guy didn’t think enough of you to get you something (big or small) or that you can’t afford it and you have to belittle others who can! Maybe it’s because you were so nasty during your pregnancy or just nasty in general (as seen in some responses)! Poor Lady J, you’re right, you really are one of the “dumbest animals”!! Sorry honey that your significant other (if he’s even still around) doesn’t think much of you, nor you of yourself and your only defense is taking it out on others. Pity. Meanwhile, I’ll be happy here with my wonderful and caring husband, beautiful baby and my jewelry!

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