The Best Sex Toy For You, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

With a whole sea of sex toys to choose from, it can be hard to pin down the one that’s right for you. There are rabbits and bullets and evasively named “personal massagers;” there are toys that look like dolphins, fruits, and pore-scrubbers; there are anal toys and vaginal toys, and vibes that work on any body part.

Maybe you feel overwhelmed and wish there was some preordained sex toy match for youwritten in the stars, or some such nonsense.

Oh wait. You’re in luck.

Astrology isn’t a completely solid predictor of anything, sexual preferences very much included. But if you're like me, it is generally guaranteed to be a much more fun lens through which to explore any given topic. Sex should be fun; picking out a sex toy should be fun. So why in the hell would you not ask an astrologer about this?

With that in mind, we brought our zodiac-related queries to certified consulting astrologer Diana Brownstone, who is based in New York but offers her services to clients nationwide. While she noted that being able to look at a customer’s full birth chart would translate to better-tailored astral advice, she could still share overarching traits associated with each of the 12 sun signs. And from there, we were able to divine the erotic accoutrement best suited to all you astrology enthusiasts. Here’s what we came up with.

Aries are impulsive creatures, according to Brownstone. "They like to be the one initiating, and can be self-absorbed," she says. They’re also strong, with a domineering edge; assertive and virile types that gravitate toward the color red, thanks to their ruler, Mars.

So what satisfies an Aries' need for power and dominance in a sexual situation? Try a paddle (if you’re new to BDSM), a flogger, or even a whip if you know what you’re doing—maybe in front of a mirror, to scratch that slightly self-centered itch. This flogger, from Bare Leatherworks, even includes red accents that should appeal to Aries martian nature.

"Taurus is the really sensual sign," Brownstone says. "They like nice atmosphere, good food along with it." She suspects that the Taurus will be drawn to "something that feels really good on the skin," made from quality materials.

Given your sensation-loving nature, what better than a toy that mimics the feel of oral sex with an almost alarmingly lifelike accuracy? Try the Satisfyer Pro.

"Gemini is an intellectual sign," Brownstone says, "really curious." They need something interesting and unusual, she continued, adding that "any of the air signs should try something with variety...different speeds, different attachments, any way you want to go."

As such, I am recommending a me-approved toy for Gemini: the We-Vibe Nova. “Does a glorified rabbit model really check the unusual box?” you may be asking yourself, to which I say: Yes! And further, it checks the interesting and clever boxes as well.

The Nova’s clitoral stimulator is attached to a bendable arm, a very smart hack that makes it a safe bet for many body types. On top of that, it has 10 preset vibration patterns, plus the option to make it your own through the We-Vibe app. Case closed.

The aforementioned lobster claw vibe might arguably be a good fit for our crustaceous friends, but according to Brownstone, these moody emo kids need something slightly more old-fashioned, more retro, to feed their need for comfort and safety.

Brownstone suggests the old-timey vibes that strapped onto your fingers and were not explicitly billed for labial use. Fortunately, an updated version of this model exists: The Jopen Aries, a five-speed finger vibrator that has one feature water-loving crabs will love—a waterproof silicone body.

So take this buzzy buddy in the bath for a fun partnered experience or, more likely (let’s be honest, Cancer), sexy solo time when you’re annoyed with everyone and just want to be alone inside your shell.

Here we are at the fanciest, or at least the flashiest, sign in the zodiac: Leo. According to Brownstone, lions love anything bold, dramatic, and show-y. "Leo is about ego, self-confidence, pride," she says, adding that they like being the leaders and, because they’re ruled by the sun, gravitate toward gold.

So what to get this most regal of signs? Try the Crave Vesper, a vibe-slash-necklace done up in extravagant 24k gold. A bit much for a sex toy, you say? Obviously you’re not a Leo.

"Virgos are the planners and the perfectionists, they like to plan in advance," Brownstone says. "They’re into cleanliness," she adds, and also practicality.

Careful and methodical, Virgos would seem to be good candidates for a toy that lets them pre-select the sensations they like, without any deviation; something without too many bells and whistles that feels intuitive and natural; something they can rely on to deliver consistent orgasms. Also, it should be easy to clean.

"Libras like beauty," Brownstone says. "They’re the relationship sign so they’re very easy-going and easy to agree or go along with other people." For Libra, Brownstone suggests "something kind of beautiful and ornate, pretty, attractive...something that’s very elegant."

As far as I am concerned, the most attractive sex toys on the market come from the by-women-for-women vibrator company Iroha, based in Japan. For Libra, I recommend the Iroha Plus, a line of squish, abstractly animal-shaped vibes that come in unusual colors, and look much more like high-end design objects than sex toys.

"Scorpio is the sex sign, it’s also very emotional, usually has a lot of depth," Brownstone says. While they can be sensitive, and even surprisingly traditional, "they like to be power-oriented," she adds. "You can’t go wrong with Scorpio. It being the sex sign, they’ve probably tried just about everything."

What to get the sign that’s done everything? The toy that does everything: Lelo’s PicoBong Transformer, a dual-ended vibe that almost looks like the bungees bros use to keep their sunglasses strung around their necks. You can use it for simultaneous G-spot and clitoral stimulation; for anal play; as a cock ring; as a double-ended dildo—really, anywhere.

The archer is a somewhat chaotic figure, a natural traveler and knowledge seeker. "They like to really experiment and experience things," Brownstone says. They also love their independence.

So, for all you Sags whose fear of commitment and drive to explore keeps you on the go, I propose a small-but-mighty vibe that can travel easily in a backpack: the Iroha Stick, a lipstick-shaped number that should pass easily through TSA inspections.

"They’re hard workers, they’re serious, practical, no-nonsense," Brownstone says of Capricorn. They can also be frugal, practical, and appreciate high quality—the stereotypically stern sitcom dad of the Zodiac, in short. For Capricorn, we’re looking for something that’s reliable, "with high speeds so they can get back to work," Brownstone suggests.

My bet? Le Wand, a WomenHealthMag.com-approved take on the Hitachi classic. Le Wand comes with an assortment of alternate silicone heads and while it is not cheap, per se, it is cord-free—practical!—and eminently reliable. Ol’ faithful, if you will.

Aquarius is experimental, Brownstone says, and gravitates toward the unique and unexpected. She thinks they deserve a toy that’s "different or unusual," and when I suggested butt plugs for kinky Scorpio, Brownstone mused those would probably be more fun for these water-bearers.

That, in turn, raises a question: Which butt plug is the most unusual butt plug of them all? I am going with the b-Vibe rimming plug, which incorporates rotating beads in its neck, to impart the sensation of receiving a rim job. Clever! Unexpected! Perfect for you, Aquarius.

"Pisces is submissive," Brownstone says, straight off the bat. "They’re open, they’re less fussy. Pisces are more easy-going, more open—as well as being submissive."

Which makes their choice of toys pretty clear, at least to my mind: You little fishes seem like the perfect candidates for restraints. Try this Sportsheets under-the-bed restraint system, and go find an Aries to tie you up.

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