[Press ‘Play’ for an aptly named song considering the subject of this interview]

That i loved Argoevery which way i could is no secret, but that i found the actresses in it as talented as they are beautiful…isn’t a secret either. What will surprise you, on the other hand, is that some of them agreed to do in-depth interviews (i provided the “in”, they brought the “depth”) with your humble and tender bartender, Al K Hall. Trust me, no one was more shocked than me, other than you.

The first to give me a thumb’s up is Nancy Stelle, which makes total sense when you consider she’s a top model with a college degree who can act better than most people can spell their own names, and by “total” sense i mean “none at all”. That a woman who has a degree in biochemistry could smart off with me is illogical. That a woman who has acted with Ben Affleck would consider even acting surprised with me is dramatic. But that she who was once in Maxim Magazine’s 100 Most Beautiful, People Magazine‘s Most Beautiful list and an ESPN swimsuit calendar model would adorn the walls of our hole in the wall is so hot that even the devil brought a fan.

Read on and believe.

Nancy Stelle and i met at an awards show. Actually, we sat next to each other. Actually, we weren’t sitting next to each other at first but when i saw Nancy Stelle was in the audience, i stole the seat next to her. No big deal, the spot was reserved for the Pope and this was such an incredible waste of chair that all i had to do was start lighting matches just behind his holiness until the sulfur stench freaked him out and he moved away to sit with Stan Musial or some other Cardinal.

Surrounded by 10,000 people and alone at last, i leaned over, hoping my Old Spice wasn’t that old and praying my Axe cologne could cut it. Fortunately for all involved, i layer my odors like clothes in winter and it takes me a while to sweat through all the coats. Also, i was blocking the aisle to form a bottle neck of tuxedoed waiters bearing champagne and that helped. i grabbed one of the glasses and slipped it into Nancy’s pepper spray hand.

Al K Hall: Nancy Stelle? Hi there, Al K Hall. If you’ll answer a few questions before the show starts, i promise i’ll go peacefully when you call security.

[AlKHallism: i took her silence, and the fact she didn’t mace me, as a ‘yes’.]

Al K Hall: Actually, Pingwiny, “maybe” has a nicer ring to it, but if we’re talking about Poland… You’ve got a distinctly European air about you, or is that just my cologne.

Nancy: I was originally born in Austria. My family is Polish and we all came to the USA when I was about a year old.

Al K Hall: What does a little girl do for fun in the Windy City?

Nancy: In Chicago, I had a very strong interest growing up in science.

Al K Hall: Me too! If you mean you played doctor a lot. In your case, though, it ended with a degree in biochemistry and with me it finished in another restraining order. But enough about my wallpaper, how did you make the switch from the chemistry of biology to the biology of chemistry. [AlKHallism: You may have to wait a while for that one to sink in.]

Nancy: I always modeled on the side throughout college, but never considered it a profession until I moved to Los Angeles.

Al K Hall: Yeah, me too. Except for the modeling, moving to Los Angeles and having a profession. But college…yeah, i lived near one once. Speaking of youth and modeling, though, you began at 16. How did that work?

Nancy: I started with Elite by simply going to an open call. There are a lot of print/catalog jobs in Chicago.

Al K Hall: Isn’t the life super dangerous for an ingénue, though? Like weren’t you afraid of Kate Moss force sniffing you coke or something?

Nancy: I had a wonderful agent named Eva Jarolim who really helped me and became not only my agent but like a mother to me, too. I always made sure school came first, but managed to juggle both.

Al K Hall: Now you’re making the move from modeling into acting. How’s that going?

Nancy: The transition is tough because casting directors typecast you. If they hear you were a model, some might not take you serious because they don’t think you have acting chops. That’s what classes are for.

Al K Hall: But you’re too cool for school, Nancy.

Nancy: Any actor should always be in class, whether they were a model or mechanic before deciding to be an actor. Practice makes perfect!

Al K Hall: Which is also my sex motto. [AlKHallism: Judging from her expression, i don’t think Nancy knows about sex mottoes.] Don’t worry, i’m sure you’ve said it more recently for your acting than i have for mine. Have the classes paid off?

Nancy: Recently, I did a guest star on TNT’s Rizolli & Isles. I got to play a Serbian and all my lines were in Serbian. Let me tell you, it was tough, but I did it! Angie Harmon is amazing and beautiful.

Al K Hall: Well, there’s beautiful and then there’s Nancy Stelle beautiful. I can see you playing Serbian, though.

Nancy: With my look (people tell me I look European), I also tend to get typecast for “Euro” roles which is fun because I get to do all these accents and speak other languages, but sometimes I’d like to be cast as a cop from Chicago or something!!!

Nancy: Ben Affleck is a very smart, intelligent, driven, focused man. He was also very approachable on set and made everyone feel comfortable. I was not intimidated to talk to him or ask questions.

Al K Hall: i bet he says the same thing about you. How’d you get the part?

Nancy: I auditioned for Argo at Warner Bros., for Lora Kennedy [AlKHallism: Lora is Argo‘s casting director], and beat out 30 girls. Simple as that. 🙂

Al K Hall: That’s what you think. The last time i tried to beat out 30 girls didn’t go so well. But back to the movie, did you go?

Nancy: I saw Argo in the theater. It was nice when everyone screamed and cheered after I delivered my line. Unfortunately, I had two other scenes with Affleck which did not make the cut, but I saw myself on the screen and that’s all that matters. I picked up that phone like a pro!!!!

Al K Hall: When you’re not being a famous model / actress, where could i find you if i keep at least 500 yards away?

Nancy: If I’m off work, I’m at the beach. Been living in Santa Monica for almost 4 years now and it’s my favorite place on Earth.

Al K Hall: What about a boring night at home in your PJs. Do-it-yourself tattoo kit?

Nancy: No tattoos. I always want one, but I know I will regret when I’m an old grandma.

Al K Hall: Wow, sounds like most of my weekends.

Nancy: When I’m “bored”, I like to cook and watch bad TV (reality TV…yes, I have a few I watch!) and catch up on my shows.

Al K Hall: What a coincidence! When i’m bored, i like to do whatever you want to do. [AlKHallism: i pass her another glass of champagne.] Here, this’ll help that gag reflex. While we’re on the subject of booze, what do you drink? This is for the Bar None, after all.

Nancy: My favorite drink is tequila (Centenario) and soda with a lime 🙂 and Margaritas. And COFFEE !! Love coffee.

Nancy: Beginning of the year I did a campaign for “Jeremiah Weed” Whiskey. It was amazing! We did over 60 spots on the web and YouTube and I got to do an amazing pin-up poster shoot. It was mailed out to fans all over the US.

Al K Hall: i knew you looked familiar! We did the whole Bar None in “Nancy Stelle Pinup” a while back. And that video is killer. You really have one hell of a sense of humor. i like that in a woman when she sees me naked. [AlKHallism: Nancy seems interested, or at least curious!] So, what do you say, wanna come back to my place and see how long i can suck in my gut?

[Nancy Stelle’s eyes twinkle and a smile breaks like a fever across her face and she jumps to her feet and my heart rises with her like a balloon high on helium so i jump up too, so quickly i get a little head rush and feel dizzy with the emotion until i realize Nancy’s just happy because she won the Angel of the Year award and she takes off for the stage to pick up her statuette and tiara while the Pope is in the other aisle gnashing his teeth because he didn’t win and he’s so pissed he calls security on me for stealing his seat and this interview suddenly ends as stupidly as it began.]

As you suspected, you clever patronizers, you, none of this exchange ever went down. My entire interview with Nancy was done with emails, where i sent her a list of innocuous questions and she answered them and i turned them into this mess. Her words, every last one of them, are really hers, though. i played with my parts (get your mind out of the gutter) to make it look like we talked face to face, but i left her answers well enough alone.

i’mma step right up now and give a big shout out to Nancy Stelle, who is as gracious as she is beautiful and as beautiful as she is talented and as talented as she is intelligent and as intelligent as she is gracious. She was very kind to put up with my idiocy and i’m deep in her debt for the time she took and the patience she demonstrated helping me put this together. If you’re anything like me, you should get that freckle looked at and you should also pray that Nancy Stelle has the long and luxurious career she deserves.

[Nancy is also a Stevie Nicks fan, so as an outro i’ll dedicate Fleetwood Mac’s “Gold Dust Woman” to her.]