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You’re not going to believe this, I know you’re not, but as smart as I am, there are some lessons in this life that I need to be taught over and over and over….and over again. Shocker, I know! Those who have been following long enough and those who know me really well are either smiling or rolling their eyes at the sarcasm here….and I’m ok with either J But here’s the truth of the matter, I continue to struggle with asking for and accepting help. Yes, I totally know why…thanks to the self-discovery process and a few complimenting self-assessments but it is something I still struggle with, though I’ve gotten muuuuuuuuch better.

Living fabulously fierce means that you are one who knows that you really can’t handle everything on your own or at a minimum, if you can’t see that, you’re strong enough, well wise enough to know that when others are offering their help, maybe they’re seeing something you’re not….that you need their help. Let them!

So here’s a bit of self reflection that I’ll be hold enough, vulnerable enough, to share:

Earlier this year, my fabulous friend, Alesha Barnes, you know the fitness competitor, started coaching me on my workout routine. We were on Arms Day and I was trying to complete a set of presses and she helped me get through the last few reps but I told her “You’ve gotta let me just do it because what am I going to do when you’re not here?” Her response, “Well, I’m here now so I’m helping you!” Essentially, shut up and let me help you!

Last weekend, I was traveling with my mom to Miami. It was a quick weekend trip so we didn’t have too much in the way of luggage but you know, enough for the both of us. At one point, we’re running through the airport….yup, totally cut the time super close to boarding because we were having so much fun….and I just took all the bags. My mom looks at me and says “Farah what are you doing? Give me one of the bags!” My response, “Mommy I do this all the time when I’m traveling for work.” Her response, “you’re not on a work trip, I’m here, give me the bag.”

This past weekend, prepping for our Living Fabulously Fierce Coaching Party at LFF Headquarters, my sister, Judith, jumped in on a number of pieces including running errands and picking up some items. I asked her a few time, “Wait, where did you get these from?…..How much did that cost? How many of these did you get? How did you do that?” Finally, Friday night, she looked at me and said “stop asking me questions”. It was kinda funny to see her at her wits end (hehehe) but she was essentially saying, “shut up, let me help.” Seriously though, you should’ve seen her face..if I was a pic, the caption would’ve read “for the love of God, shut up.” 🙂

And here I am. not even realizing that this is really a pattern for me and I need to focus on progressing from viewing asking for help as a challenge to choosing to leverage the ability to ask for help as the ability to demonstrate wisdom, discernment, and bravery…until now.

So what does it me to dare to ask/accept help?

First it means, finding peace in the truth that were never meant to be here operating and executing completely on our own. As human beings, we are designed to lean on one another and provide a safe space for leaning.

Second, it means redefining what it means to ask for help. Some of us have been taught to view the need for help as a weakness, a deficiency….more about looking at what you’re not able to do on your own than what you’re able to accomplish by leveraging others….a true strength. Take the time to redefine what it means to ask for an accept help. For me, it reminds me that I’m not alone. That’s huuuuuuuge. See some of us have this self-sufficiency mode of operating because for one reason or another we’ve just had to figure things out on our own so when help shows up, we can’t even accept it for what it is…confirmation that you’re still self-sufficient but you’re just no longer solo. Choose your definition.

Third, it means stepping back and letting others be a blessing, showing your what they can do, elevating their own strengths, skills, and areas of expertise. This basically boils down to getting over yourself and sharing the spotlight. Sharing the platform or giving others the opportunity to show you there’s. What a loss of an opportunity for you and for them if you’re just note smart, brave, daring enough to give them that opportunity by asking for or accepting their help. That’s totally not in alignment with living fabulously fierce.

So, think about it. My challenge to you this week is just to think about “help”. Really take the time to think about what that means to you? Do you have negative thoughts around asking for/accepting help? Why? Is it something deep or is it really just your pride (ouch! I know, I totally went there). Whatever it is, just call it out. Then, agree to go through the process above and start tackling the challenge of asking for and accepting help. You’ll be amazed at how much gain comes from it, both for you, and those positioned to help you!

Soundtrack of the week: No one’s done this better than Erica Campbell in her song Help. It’s a Gospel song so really focused on that special faith-based help. Never the less, you can hear the need in the words, the song, the message. Let go, be strong, be vulnerable, be positioned for the help you need…the help you deserve!

Ms. Chanel was undoubtedly a fashion icon and her legacy lives on in that spirit. What impresses me most about her though, much in the same way does Ms. Dianne von Furstenberg, is her level of self-awareness and commitment to authenticity. In this statement, Ms. Chanel stresses the importance of self-awareness as a perquisite for accepting and expecting anything….or anyone, for that matter, in life.

It is undeniable that there is so much messaging to young girls in our world today and not all of it helpful or productive. Truth of the matter is that there is much more that is focused on telling them who they should be more like and what changes they should employ to be less of themselves and more of what’s deemed “acceptable”. I admit that because I really do have a passion in this area, I soak up everything related to my target audiences of women and girls…..so it’s not surprising that just this past week alone, I read over 20 articles related to what’s happening in the messaging to our up and coming fabulously fierce. In short, here’s just a bit of the information I picked up this week so far, visually….

And then in a midst of all of this, a reminder from Ms. Chanel that there is actually some simplicity in the path to just being you and being positioned to expect more of what you want in your life by starting with yourself…Know who you are……know what you want.

On knowing who you are….

This week I got to coach over 50 leaders through Energy Leadership. They were so appreciative of the insight gained from the assessment they took but what they stressed was how much more self-aware they were as a result. Now here’s the thing, leaders are leaders because they already have a level of self-awareness that has positioned them to yield the success they have obtained so far. The beauty, however, is that the learning never ends. To truly live authentically and remain true to ourselves, we really have to commit to first engaging in the process of self-discovery (I know, I know, I always talk about this) AND living in a way that keeps you open to learning more and more about yourself over time. Some may push back here and say “But I am very self-aware and I know who I am.” And trust me, I believe that a good number of us actually do….just ask the people in my own personal circle. The catch here however is that if we truly believe that we are always full of potential and always developing, which continues to increase our potential, then doesn’t it just make sense to engage in self-discovery on a regular basis? Of course it does!!! (love how I answer my own question and then am even so bold as to tell myself I’m correct :).

So what’s the point here? TAKE EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WHO YOU ARE! I always suggest StrengthsFinders as a great resource for folks. It’s simple, not really expensive, and the return on the investment is huuuuuuuuge! Huuuuuuge!!!! Everyone who starts the LFF Branding Curriculum with me starts here! Do it, do it, do it!

It truly surprises me when folks don’t at least take up opportunities in the space of self-discovery. Jus last week, I offered a free coaching session to the first person who responded both on my personal Facebook page and one on the LFF Facebook page. The LFF one actually included a free Energy Leadership Index!!!! Someone signed up for the free coaching session but the Energy Leadership Index is still hanging out there….(hint hint….it’s still available for the claiming (LFF Facebook 8/22 Post).

On knowing what you want…

Yeah….guess what, everyone thinks they know what they want, but I have to share that in my coaching and even in my own self-reflection, there are more of us who believe that we know what we want because it’s aligned with what we think we’re supposed to want! Yuuuup, let that sink in for a minute….

I challenge you (well, us with myself included) to get into a mental space….clear your head….pretend this world actually doesn’t even exits as it is but you’re in your own perfect environment where you’re totally starting with a blank slate of what to create for yourself. Without any hesitation, just spit it out:

What do you see?

What do you hear?

What are you doing?

Who are you with?

How do you feel?

What makes you love all of this?

Heart pumping yet? Smiling a little bit? Know why, you just created what you want!!!! Now let’s show some courage….don’t look back….start making it all a reality!