After having their 11th child (Chelsey Paris Britney
McGuffy), a Glasgow couple decided that was enough because
they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to
his GP and told him that he and his missus didn't want
to have any more children (Wur no wantin ony mair weans, so wur no).

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a
vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was
expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the
doctor, 'is to go home, get a firework, put it in an
empty beer can, light it then hold the can up to your ear
and count to 10..

The husband said to the doctor, 'Ah might no be the
sharpest chisel in the shed, but ah cannae see how pittin a
firework in a beer caun next to my ear is gonnae help me no
tae huv ony mair weans.'

Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the couple went home, the husband lit a banger and put
it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to
count: '1' '2' '3' '4' '5' ..... at which point he paused, placed the beer
can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure is now available on the NHS and has proved to be
successful in Govan, Clydebank, Paisley , and some parts of Coatbridge,
Livingston and Bathgate..

I've got it somewhere - if I can find it I'll sort things out ! (Done !)

In the meantime, I was in the pub earlier, and the local vicar was in, having a pint and a general chinwag with the regulars.
Inevitably the conversation got around to what folks had given up for Lent.
Unable to resist, I offered my contribution :