The assumptions here are that you have a US land line, it has a phone
number you've grown attached to, you or someone else in your household
prefers to talk on something traditionally phone-like, you want to
pay as little as possible for the privilege,
that you have a high
tolerance for - or ideally derive pleasure from - configuring gadgets,
and that pains in the ass don't count as payment for the purposes of
the fourth assumption.
At this point, we're probably down to me, as
there is low or negative correlation for simultaneous applicability of
the forgoing assumptions.