I haven't logged in here in a very long time. I haven't drawn in a long time. I... haven't really done much in a long long time, either.

It seems like my drive is totally dead. I just don't have much motivation to draw anymore. I'm so tired all the time, my life has been very very busy this last year or so. Between work, college and a social life, it seems that art is the last thing on my mind. It's a little difficult to accept this, but it's true. It's sad in a way, because art was always my first priority. Now I have lots of responsibilities. I've truely become an adult I guess lol. Compared to 5 years ago, I am living a totally different life. I'm different. The people around me are different. It's a sad fact of growing up and life changing.It scares me a lot. I think that anytime I've thought about art, I've just preferred to ignore it and "come back to it later". Well now it's later... months and months later, and it's scary how much has changed. I'm not active online anymore really. Which honestly is upsetting. I miss my friends here, all the stuff we used to do. I mean we're still friends and talk occasionally, I think about them whenever I'm out and about too, but it's just sad to me. It's my own fault too, which is the worst. If you guys are reading this (probably not because I don't think any of us even come on dA anymore lmao) then just know I'm sorry for my absence but you guys still mean a lot to me. I'm sorry I'm too busy to get online much nowadays but I love it when we do talk. I wish you all had viber or something so we could have a big text sesh and we could chat when I'm out and about. Maybe I'll try and organize that. It's just hard when we're all so scattered around the place.

Then I think about UTAU... how inactive I've been. And how many people have left. How dead the fandom is. It's almost non-existant compared to what it used to be. It's a shell of it's former self. Maybe that's why I have been so inactive; everyone seems to be inactive, too. Which is depressing in a way. UTAU is so nostalgic for me. I met some of the best people ever in it, and I'm very happy that we're all still friends many years later. That even though our interest in UTAU has faded, our friendships have not. I will never forget all the good times I had in this great community but I can't go on saying I'm a part of it any longer. I'm too inactive. I still am interested in it but I think I'll never go back to when I was at my peak. It's also just a lot of maintenance and effort when honestly I don't have much time for it nowadays.I still adore my characters a lot, and they will probably be the most dear OCs I will ever make. They have developed so much with everyone else's UTAU that I could never abandon them. As weird as it sounds they have a lot of sentimental value for me and hold a lot of memories, so they're special in that regard. I don't think I will ever make OCs like them, ever.It's not a goodbye, though. I have something planned. This year will mark my 5th year using UTAU, and I am doing something for it. I promised myself I will never truely be finished with UTAU until I do this one thing. And I'm doing it. So expect something in the next few months.This doesn't mean I'll never use the software ever again, either. I have all the updates ameya released and all my voicebanks in a folder, and they are not going anywhere. It just unfortunately won't be often.I will never give up using my UTAU as characters though. I will probably use them as cameos or background characters or something in other stories. I like them too much to let them die lol.

dA is the same though, right? Almost everyone I watch is just... dead. lol. No one seems active, and it seems that the popularity of the website has died down a LOT. Which in a way is sort of sad because I used to love dA a lot when I first joined. It had to fall eventually though and honestly I'm not surprised with how the rules on theft and tracing has gone on in recent years. Sad, but I knew it was coming a long time.

In terms of art though... I'm gonna try. I want to deep down get back into it. I do. But it's so... hard. I don't know what to do. My career will depend on it so it's a really serious thing. So I'm sorry for the very infrequent updates, but since there are almost 3,000 people watching this account now, I figured I should let you know what's going on.

I was wondering what had happened. I figured it was something related to work. It's what's important, so it's totally understandable. Yeah, I've noticed all of the people I follow don't post anything anymore too.

I remember starting out in Newgrounds. All the cool stuff was happening around there: animation collabs, website awards, website structure updates, everybody was hyped. Then, because I wanted to see more of your work, I decided to join dA too and now this wasn't a versatile flash website. It was entirely dedicated to art. I thought I ought to be able to find more artists and tutorials, to keep doing research and improve my technique.

It was like a spiral. First my favorite Newgrounds animators, musicians and artists stopped uploading content, so I switched to dA. Then the people I follow stopped uploading content.

I look forward to see what your special UTAU project is. I thought that, despite your absence, other interested people would keep it alive. But, uh, you know, I have a device in my pocket that gives me access to all the knowledge gained by humans, but I use it to look at cat pictures.

I hope you dont let it all get you too down growing up can really suck and I can understand basically all of this it is really sad. I dropped off twitter and utau much earlier some time around when my computer broke and about half a year ago art dropped off my priority list as well and so I can see what you mean about how hard it is to really get yourself to get back into it and so anyway even though everything will probably never be the same with you and everyone else back with twitter and utau I wish you well and cant wait to see what it is you plan to do with your utau thing you mentioned (in all honesty I look at your pages like once a month to see whats up) I know we are not as close anymore cuz we used to talk everyday and now we only talk like twice a year but I still in the back of my head where all the nice memories of things that used to be are I still think of us as friends <3

I totally miss how UTAU used to be too, it had so many memories and it was awesome but then everyone did start to leave/get in active/etc. All these places that were bustling with UTAU users are just..empty now

It's just really sad to look back at it, though I'm glad I'm not alone in this feeling (I thought for a long time that I was just being dramatic haha)

I mean recently I got back into UTAU (And hey I actually finished new voice banks I said I was going to do a year ago wow)

Take your time in uploading or getting back to here when you can though ! No pressure vuv

Totally missing you though Jade ;;/ I still see you tweet from time to time I think

Poor Jade Sometimes a subject can get stale and you need to move onto something else for a while. I think every artist at one point or another needs to take a break because of whatever is going on in their life. Hope you find some new inspiration!

jadeeeeeeeee i love and miss ur irish patootie all the time !!!! I feel like i'm in the same boat, but more of "wow i have to art 3/5 days a school week, i'm tired" so I just don't draw, then I lost my tablet pen??? had to buy a new one and finally decided to get it lol;; I'm always around tho so if u ever @ me i will probably see it, i personally just don't comment alot aside from private twitter, whcih has everyone i care about, and my irl twitter for irl bitchins....

Welcome back! ^^ and yeah, dA died a little bit. It is sad, but I am glad I still have some friends here, otherwise I would feel really lonely. Even if you won't post anything, just keep in touch with us, from time to time ^^ it's good to have such an awesome artist back!

I'm in the same boat! I'm happy you posted this, it sums up how I've been feeling as well. My UTAU's 4th birthday is tomorrow, and I haven't prepared anything special for her. I didn't do anything last year, either. I'm starting to finally admit to myself that I've moved past the UTAU fandom, and even the Vocaloid fandom to an extent. I've just been doing a lot of growing up, and it's not a part of my life anymore. I think that's alright. uwu I think we all (all of us who were in that fandom you talked about) have some really fun memories of UTAU and I think that making those memories was important for who we ended up choosing to be.