7 Texts You NEVER Want To Get From The Babysitter

If you have children, think back to the first time you left them with a babysitter. I’m not talking about your parents, or your husbands parents. I’m talking about the first time you left them with someone who is not related to you. It can be a very scary time.

Having three kids, I got over that fear very quickly because I was in desperate need of some adult time away from my glorious blessings. While we were out the other night, we received a text from our sitter that was a bit alarming. Here is a list of 7 text messages that parents never want to get from the babysitter.

“Are You Serious?” Text Messages from the babysitter

1. I got locked out.

If the babysitter can’t figure out how to stay in the house with the kids, perhaps she is in the wrong business. If she then can’t figure out how to get back in the house, we have BIGGER problems.

2. Who has allergies?

Does ice cream have milk? If your babysitter can’t read, perhaps you should pay her in a hooked on phonics subscription. “Yes Sara, ice cream has milk, and so does cheese, yogurt, and MILK!”

3. Anyone want a drink?

Having a liquor cabinet that locks is very important. Usually you are locking it to keep the kids out of it, not the babysitter. Tell Sara to bring her own vodka, Mrs. Johnson’s is off limits.

4. Swim lessons anyone?

If you have a pool, make sure to have a baby gate that is also babysitter proof. The rule at my house is simple; No one swims unless I am the irresponsible lifeguard on duty.

5. Wanna test the mattress?

If your babysitter seems a bit slutty, make sure to lock the bedroom door. In retrospect, always lock the bedroom door. No one needs to be on your bed, in your drawers, closet, bathroom, or any place you else you may hide anything you don’t want on Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube.

6. Where are the Band-aids?

No one wants to come home to a mess, especially a carpet stain. However, if the sitter is asking for band-aids as well, you may need to ask some further questions.

7. Are you Up to Date on Your Homeowners policy?

If your babysitter ever asks about any type of insurance, GO HOME! You never know what type of shenanigans are about to ensue. Could be roof jumping, playing with fire, skateboarding in the pool, extreme paint balling, or a ninja mixed martial arts competition in your living room, none of which my policy covers.

I am a firm believer in leaving the kids with a sitter. However, make sure to do your homework before running off to have an adult beverage. Stalk their Facebook and Instagram to see if they have recently set fire to any buildings, or have posted bail in the past 30 days.

I had my friends daughter come pull an overnight for me, my friend went into early labor and her husband was 1,500 miles away and I was the closest person and even I was 3 hours away. My kids were 2 & 7. About 5 hours I left I get this text…..

“Ms. Jenn, do you think that maybe you could not kill me?

Me: “Depends on the severity of the crime?”

Her: “I was helping the older child in the bathroom after he got out the shower, he was freaking because he couldn’t find his Batman toothbrush, so while we were searching I had the smaller child in the front watching cartoons. Well, didn’t you say she was in need of a haircut??”

Me: “Do not send pictures, this conversation never happened. I’m trying to help my friend bring joy into this world not anger. I’ll be home tomorrow!”

I’m now pregnant with my first child, a girl. When I was a teenager, I was the main babysitter in my neighborhood. Thankfully, that was before cell phones and texting.

The couple times I had to notify the parents:

1. We were using a rope to swing out of a tree. The younger daughter got the rope entangled in her mouth and she lost her loose tooth. It was a bloody mess.
Mom was ok with it. Lol.

2. Same family. Parents were on vacation, I was in my latter teens. I woke up to “squeaks”. I then saw a blood trail in the carpet which I followed to a massacre of dead baby rats. The cats found a rat nest in the master closet. I followed the blood trail to the closet to see momma rat angry, protecting her last couple babies which looked like they were born during the night.
I woke up the younger daughter, then, 11-12ish because I knew she was “good with animals”. She picked up momma rat which bit her. I managed to get all live rats in a shoebox to take to animal control. I called kids’ parents because the girls wanted to go to the beach, but I was concerned about the rat bite on the younger daughter. We spent our beach day at the urgent care to clear her. No more rats. Cleaned the mess and put the cats outside.