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By Debbie Schlussel**** SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATE ****
Please take note that none of the pictures or services described in this post are parodies. I swear I’m not making this stuff up. It actually exists.
Yes, you, too, can now train your dog, Spot, to surf. Or your Shih Tzu can get a Shiatsu.
From the March/April issue of “Departures,” a luxury travel magazine, owned by American Express:

At the Beverly Hills Hotel and Bungalows, canine and feline clients . . . are greeted by name whenever they pass through the lobby. For the pup worried about wrinkles from sun damage–we’re looking at you, sharpei–check out the doggy cabanas at Las Ventanas al Paraiso in Los Cabos, Mexico. More active hounds should head to Loews Coronado Bay Resort & Spa; the dog surfing lessons here ($300 for a one-night package) compete with a program at Honolulu’s Kahala Hotel & Resort that teaches dogs to obey commands in Hawaiian for the Most Amusing Pet-Service Award. A close runner-up: the Sarasota, Florida Ritz-Carlton, which rejuvenates pets with four types of massages ($130 for one hour), including Swedish and sports therapy. Las Ventanas has also added massage to its list of almost unbelievable pet services.

Um, “unbelievable” is not the word I’d use. More like, absurd.

Sorry, but if you have that kind of money to burn on pet surfing lessons and massage, spend it on sending some of our troops serving in Iraq some magazines or on something else more worthwhile, like helping victims of terrorism.
Yup, PETA–or as we prefer to call it here, PUTAh (People for the Unethical Treatment of Animals and humans)–has won. We are now treating our pets better than we treat most actual people. Animals have now been exalted to post-human status.

G’Day Debbie:
Nice post about the pampering of dogs.
Real surf dogs don’t need lessons.
I just wanted to point out the cruelty of NOT providing a wet-suit for the dog in those cold Cali water.
Check out this surf dog….never had one lesson;-)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HXCxpG51-c
You rock!
Keep up the good work. God bless you.
Aloha, Aw-right
tom

Thanks, Tom. I guess we can’t expect animal-pandering hotels which teach dogs to surf, to actually know much about surfing.

11 Responses

Well, it’s not like they’re doing this to parakeets or gerbils. Dogs show a loyalty and bond that, unfortunately, not all humans are able to. They’re a part of the family for many people and certainly more deserving of this kind of treatment than, say, a Saudi prince.

I’m not an animal rights nut. There is a reason why we’re on top of the food chain. And besides, if G*d didn’t want us to eat animals, why did He make them out of meat?!
Having said that, I love my dog! I know I can always count on him and he is happy when I come home, just because I’m home. He doesn’t expect anything from me other than a friendly greeting. I know he would sacrifice his life in an instant to protect me or a member of my family. I don’t know any people I can say that about. A Supreme Court Justice (forgot his name) once said, “Dogs give us more loyalty than we deserve”. I want to become the type of person that my dog already thinks I am.

Apart from the ridiculous fact that you state we treat animals better than humans (Millions of companion animals and former pets are euthanized every single year, how is that for caring about your pet) please do a modicum of research before you make ridiculous statements like “PETA wins” because some people care about their pets. PETA does not believe in pet ownership. Period. Ingrid Newkirk has lobbied for a breed extinction of all pit bull dogs, and they are on the record several times saying that all companion animals, including service animals, should be banned. A PETA win would be an end to pet ownership all together, not people who care about their animals doing slightly ridiculous things with their own money. Now maybe if you said “Upscale Bitch has won” (popular local dog store) then you would be slightly more correct. But dont pretend that A) PETA gives a rip about companion animals or B) That this country gives two shits about pets in general. Spend one day on the free section of CL and you will see thousands of people giving their supposed “beloved pets” away to the first person who shows up. Usually for reasons like “new puppy doesnt like my old dog” or “I am having a baby.” The articles you point to are few and far between in the U.S. I guess we dont eat our dogs but thats about the only thing that seperates us from third world nations when it comes to pet ownership.

Oh, and FYI, thanks to our deep “care” of animals, thousands of backyard breeders (who are totally unregulated) are churning out millions of dogs and cats who are poorly bred and have terrible, life long health problems. A big one you find is hip dysplasia. I adopted my dog from a shelter after she was rescued from a pit bull bait dog breeding operation. She was likely the product of incest, and has been remarkably healthy other than the fact that her hips are terrible. Now instead of putting her through an incredibly painful surgery with a six month recovery period, I have decided to supplement her food, AND give her regular accupuncture and massage therapy. Shock of shocks, its worked, and since we started she hasnt had one limpy day. Now the surgery would have cost about $4,000, but thanks to businesses out there that do offer these services for pets, I am spending about $100 per month to keep her healthy. I am unable to have children, I pay my bills, pay my taxes, why they hell is it wrong for me to spend MY money on items that keep my dog happy and healthy? Guess what, sometimes animals deserve to be treated better than their human “owners.” During Katrina we saw people who were completely able to care for themselves that did nothing to better their situation or care for themselves. The animals left behind, on the other hand, were completely incapable of taking care of themselves or getting resources. Hence why I went down to rescue animals, not people. For a person who believes in capitalism and taking care of ones self, you seem to be contradicting yourself when you claim its wrong for someone to spend their own money on a pet.

“juliaaja”, there’s no reason to get so angry, please calm down.
You are correct that PETA does not want any type of animal ownership to occur in society. Taking such a stance is ironic for them since it is the equivalent of advocating the extinction of these species; animals with economic importance, whether it be service or food or companionship, are thriving and even outnumbering humans in some cases. The fact that many millions of pets are euthanized each year and there is still an overpopulation of them is testament to that.
That being said, animals are treated wonderfully in America, especially when compared historically to other nations, especially when compared to third world nations. Things may not be perfect, but the alternative is tortuous.
If you feel so strongly about helping the animals that aren’t treated well in this country, there are many more productive ways to help than to complain on this message board. Have you considered veterinarian school? There are many options to help you pay for it, consult your local bank.

Thanks for bringing that up Jose! Yes, in fact I do spend my life working for animals in this country, and, thanks to the recent war in Lebannon, abroad. I have been involved in animal rescue (not PETA style “rescue”, but animals that are being dumped by breeding operations after they are done being used, animals abused by former owners, and animals who are left behind when owners die or are incarcerated) for the better part of a decade. I foster animals through two local groups, and I am responsible for finding good, lifelong homes for every animal that comes in my doors. I have a contract that states if the new owner is getting rid of the animal for any reason that it must be returned to me. I am actively involved in American Pitbull Terrier rescue and have pulled 10 of these dogs off death row last year- a huge number for my area but not so for the hundreds of thousands that are put to death around the country. I travel around the country to testify against Breed Specific Legislation, and I have participated in the two biggest animal tragedys in recent times- Hurricane Katrina and the war in Lebannon. I work with a local spay/neuter van that travels around the state doing “A nickel a neuter” events and low cost spay programs. I also work with a group that PAYS owners $25 if they bring their pitbull in for a spay/neuter, and $75 if you do a mom and her pups. Not because I dont love pitbulls and want to see them extinct, but because I cant bear to see more of these dogs end up in euth piles. I dont have the patience for people to become a vet after being a vet assitant for a few years. I could not deal with the people who bring in perfectly healthy animals and ask for them to be put down because they “have a new baby but cant bear to think of their pet sitting in a shelter” or people who would bring in their pregnant dog and ask how one goes about doing a dog delivery because they were too ignorant to get the dog fixed in the first place. I would be out of business in day. Its hard, its thankless work (but for the nightly snuggles of my own animals at home) and I wouldnt trade it for the world. I am angry because if you were with me every time I had to needle an animal after it was rescued from a fight pit, or saw a dog bred to death in puppymill, you would be angry too.

Rumor has it that’s where Rosie O’Dumbshit is taking her new pet, Purple Cow, to get his shampoo, nails painted, and left-wing commie propaganda enema.
After that, he’ll thank her by burying his face in her fetid ass and tunnel for wisdom!