Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Whether you were the Customer, Sales Assistant or (not so) innocent Bystander – I would love to hear your funny or most unusual shop story! As short as you like but no longer than blog size (400 words):

e-mail your stories to emily@emilybenet.com

by Thursday 27th May

The best five will be published on my blog and win a signed copy of Shop Girl Diaries. Everyone who enters will receive a discount code for books at Salt Publishing.com.

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Monday, 19 April 2010

The ashy plume of the naughty Icelandic volcano has affected half the shop's staff.Mum is grounded in Spain. Being a good daughter I would gladly make the awful sacrifice and swap places with her.But since that’s not possible I’m stuck in the shop.On Saturday this is particularly painful because the sun is shining.I worry that this is the one day of British summer and I’m going to miss it.As I look longingly towards the door, a man approaches carrying his daughter on his shoulders.I expect him to get her down but either he has no sense of measure like me or he’s forgotten she’s up there because he walks right in.Bang goes her head against the door frame.“SH*T!” I say.Part of me wants to laugh out loud.The man gives me a dirty look as he gets her down and she rubs her head looking dazed.“I’m fine daddy,” she says, walking in circles.I think he’s more concerned by my swearing than the fact he’s concussed his daughter.He doesn’t stay long.A woman charges in after that. She wants a disposable camera.I make a point of looking around at the chandeliers before telling her we don’t sell them.“Damn!” she says, and I’m surprised she held so much hope. Perhaps we should sell them. Good weather is bad for lighting sales.Who switches on their lights when it’s sunny?As usual, people pop in to ask about our epic Closing sale.“Closing?” a man observes. “Can I have something for charity?”He’s well-dressed and has neither a badge nor a clip board.He just wants free stuff.“Not really,” I say.“I thought this was a nice shop,” he says.“I can’t just give you stuff. It doesn’t work like that.”“But you’re closing down.”“I still need to eat.”He looks disappointed but manages to muster a blessing before he leaves.I’d have preferred a tea.To tell you the truth, a part of me is curious to see how far this volcano can change our lives.On the other hand, much longer of being alone and I’ll start talking to the chandeliers.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

When customers come in searching for a light fitting, the question that can often help them decide is:
“How high is your ceiling?”
I ask this even though I know full well that I’ll be confused by their answer.
They squint up at the shop ceiling, “Oh, about 8ft 2.”
I nod knowingly but inside I’m a blank.
I have no sense of measurement.
All I know is that a tall man is about 6ft.
That becomes my starting point.
8ft 2 is taller than a tall man, perhaps even significantly taller depending on how big a foot is, which must mean that the customer’s ceiling is tall enough to allow for a light fitting with a slight drop.
At which point I should suggest an appropriate chandelier.
But I don’t because in that crucial moment my mind is too busy panicking to follow my ‘tall man’ logic.
Instead I buy time by asking for an alternative measurement.
“And in centimetres?” I ask, “I went to school in Spain.”
Actually I didn’t move to Barcelona until I was 14, by which point I should’ve probably learnt about feet.
Annoyingly the customer is unfazed and gives me the metric measure without hesitation.
“Aaah,” I say, smiling, “that makes sense now.”
I still don’t have a clue.
That said, our lights are measured in centimetres and metres so I suppose I have become more comfortable with the metric system.
The widths of our most popular chandeliers are 35cm, 40cm and 50cm.
When people give me a measurement of something, I visualise a chandelier that’s closest to it in centimetres and then imagine that item a bit smaller or bigger.
Like a TV screen.
If someone is talking about a 38cm TV screen then I can more or less picture a 35 cm crystal cascade chandelier and get a rough idea of the size.
Except, when does anyone talk about a 38cm TV screen?
They don’t. They always use inches.
6 inches must be a very short man.
Thankfully not all our customers are geniuses and know the exact answer to the ‘how high is your ceiling?’ question.
Some are more on my level.
“Normal size,” they reply.
Or they stretch their arms in the air and wave, “About here.”
Or, “About as high as your ceiling, but lower.”
And, “It’s your traditional Victorian house but split in two.”
Or “I can touch it if I’m standing on the bed.”
In the end I just point at different lights until they get excited about one of them.
If the light fitting does hang too low, I suggest pushing a coffee table underneath it.
“That’s a good idea,” some say.
Not such a good idea for the bathroom perhaps.

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