Read Hard

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Did anyone catch One Tree Hill last night? They did a flash back to when Lucas gets "The Call"--the one where he has sold his book. Anyway, I just loved it when the editor girl asks "When can you come to New York?" and then later talks about how they will be practically a married couple with all the late night editing sessions. Um, yeah, nope...

So what did I do when I got "The Call" --not sure, because really what I got was more of a "The Email" and then when I did get "The Call" it was over a week or two later and the deal was already discussed, so this was simply the official--yes, I want to accept call. And I even had to ask my wonderful agent--so, is this The Call? Because I wanted to be sure I knew what I was doing when I got it. Anyway, never got an official answer, but was told to go out and celebrate.

So, for what I'm pretty sure was "The Call" I was checking on my horses who were at the trainer, trying not to get electrocuted on the Hot Wire fencing while sneaking them contraband (peppermint candy). I was not asked how soon I could get to NYC.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008

"In my day, we didn't have safety standards for toys. We got rusty nails and big bags of broken glass! That's the way it was, and we liked it! In my day we didn't have hair dryers, if you wanted to blow dry your hair, you had to step outside in the middle a hurricane, you would get your hair dryed but you would also get a sharp piece of wood driven clean through your skull, "Look I'm a human head kebbab", that's the way it was and we liked it!"

Have the over 30's become the new Grumpy Old Men? My cousin just sent this to me and I had to laugh, I mean really how did we survive?

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda ...And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damnUtopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've gotit! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet . If we wanted to knowsomething, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the cardcatalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter. With a pen!Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'dusually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer,a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a littlesquare! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screenforever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channelsand there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.

Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ..imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!