Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man.... Landing is the first!

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

FORD - Fast Only Rolling Downhill.

FORD - First On Race Day.

FORD - Fix Or Repair Daily.

FORD - Found On Road, Dead.

FORD - Found On Rubbish Dump.

FOREPLOY (n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex.

Forget the bull .. Ride the Cowboy.

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

Friends don't let friends drive naked

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

Geezer, formerly known as Studmuffin.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Give blood, play Hockey.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

GM - General Maintenance.

GMC - Garage Man's Companion.

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.

Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.

Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

GRANTARTICA (n.) The cold, isolated place where arts companies without funding dwell.

Grow your own dope, plant a man

Gun control is a tight grouping.

Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

GUYS: No shirt, no service GALS: No shirt, no charge

Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

Half the people you know are below average.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

Hang in there. Retirement is only 30 years away.

Hang up and drive.

Happiness is a belt fed weapon

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

He has a photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

He has a room temperature IQ.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit

He who hesitates is probably right.

He who laughs last - thinks slowest

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

He's a prime candidate for natural deselection.

He's got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.