Monday, November 12, 2012

To Feel or Not to Feel

Sometimes we feel the need to apologize for no reason at all, and sometimes we fail to own up to our mistakes just to satisfy our ego.
Sometimes we thank people just for their existence, sometimes we fail to thank them even when they've gone our of their way to help us out..

These two phrases- 'I'm sorry' and 'Thank you'- have suddenly assumed so much importance in my life. I failed to thank my parents who forgave me for disappointing them, yet again. I failed to apologize to them for being this way. There are times I feel sorry, there are times when I feel thankful, and there are times when I am at a loss of words and my feelings refuse to take the shape of words.

This is what is happening a lot these days. Half the time I don't know what I'm feeling; the other half I spend fighting with myself whether to express those feelings or not. Either way, it's not a very nice situation to be in. You see, I am a very expressive person. I like telling people what's going on in my mind. Except these days, I just can't- not to parents, not to friends, no one- and it is frustrating.

For argument sake, let the what be 'myself'. I need to express 'myself'. And in that case, the 'what' assumes utmost importance.

It's been a while since I posted that. I figured one can't keep their feelings bottled up for very long. Eventually, they do take the shape of words. Sometimes it happens late, but it does happen. And sometimes this 'late' is just in time; sometimes it is too little, too 'late'.

Expression is an activity, mostly Voluntary.. Although Expressions can also reflect the Involuntary Mindset too and then it becomes self contradictory..Freedom of Expression sometimes get shadowed by our own clouds of Perception.. If goals are distant, its never too 'late';and if expectations are tiny, nothing is too 'little'..

The true artist, however, has the enviable power of summoning up the dregs and gangue within his mind and shaping them into what he will; then imbuing it with the dark, poisonous fire that tortures him, thus creating a work of tenebrous beauty.

His burden released and morphed into a mysterious shape - ensuring anonymity - the artist continues to walk on the earth without being within it.

Being Tutul :')

About Me

2008 - I am the most random person I have ever come across. It is fairly difficult to understand me because more often than not, even I don't know which way I'm heading!
Edit (2017) - Still not very sure where I'm 'headed'.