November 03, 2003

Fuck Me. Literally

by Dlove

I think we can all agree that sex between two willing partners is a good thing. If it’s done correctly, it almost always feels good. In fact, it feels great. I’d be willing to even say it may be one of the most pleasurable sensory experiences on the planet. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that most people feel this way. Thus, it’s probably not too shocking for you to hear that I want sex. In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that you want sex, too. Male or female, we all want to have sex. So, what’s the big deal? How come we all went home alone at the end of Saturday night?

A conversation I had this morning crystallized things for me. Yes, men and women both want sex, but our views on how to negotiate the sexual act diverge dramatically. What it comes down to is this: in general, men are able to enjoy the physical act of sex without getting emotionally intimate and women aren’t. As I write that blanket statement, I can already feel the waves of protest to it. There are many, many exceptions, but on the whole, in my experience, women want more than just a hard cock for the night. In contrast, a man will gratefully accept a one-night stand if the saintly woman he is chatting with offers it to him. The man who makes this offer to a woman will, in most instances, receive a slap in the face or a drink dumped over his head.

I’m not trying to say that men don’t want relationships. I think they do. In fact, one of the best things about being in a relationship is the constant sex. I might even go as far as saying that many men get into relationships specifically for the constant sex. I have to admit that it’s a pretty great thing to really dig a woman, be attracted to her, and repeatedly fuck her silly. To be in love with the person you’re fucking is, obviously, the ideal sexual experience, but are we doomed to celibacy until we find that person? You can live your life that way, but I’m not going to. If sex is one of the most pleasurable sensory experiences out there, I’m going to do what I can to experience it.

Unfortunately for straight men, most women don’t feel this way (although some do). They want something “special” with the person they’re fucking. I can completely understand this desire. During sex, a man is basically invading the woman’s body with his own body. One might argue it becomes equally intimate for the man, even though he is the one who is doing the invading. Regardless, the difference is that a man’s desire to feel the most pleasurable sensory experience he can imagine overrides his fear of being physically intimate with a stranger. In women, it doesn’t.

I have had very little experience with the lesbian lifestyle, but I have been fortunate to observe the gay male lifestyle through my gay friends. For two years I lived next door to Gay M. During those two years, Gay M was never desperate for sex. As a gay man, it was easy for him to find other gay men that wanted to have sex. As he always says; “With gay men, there’s no ‘no factor.’” In other words, if you want to fuck, you just tell the person you want to fuck that you want to fuck him and, generally, he’s going to say yes.

As a straight man, this concept blows me away. If things worked that way between women and men the world would be a different place. We’d definitely be a lot more connected to our fellow human beings. Yes, STDs and AIDS are a reality, but if we felt more connected with each other, we’d probably be a lot more careful about the shit we were spreading around to others. If we were all sexually active all the time, it would become a necessity to constantly get ourselves checked out for STDs. If you wanted to participate in the sexual free-for-all, you’d have to have recent documentation of your STD-free status.

If we all fucked each other without all of the emotional intimacy that comes with it, we’d probably be a more relaxed society also. I know I get pretty tense when I haven’t been with a woman in awhile. Yes, I can masturbate to release that tension, but as anyone will tell you, it’s just not the same. I’m a pretty relaxed guy by nature, but sometimes that tension builds and even I can get a little snappy and tense. If we were all having sex regularly, we’d all be a lot happier. The fact of the matter is that sex is an emotionally intimate act. That’s fine. I think it should be. I think it should be an intense positive exchange physically, emotionally and spiritually. When that exchange is over, however, that intensity doesn’t necessarily continue to exist.

Why can’t sex be like a good, pleasurable game? At the end of the game, both sides have played well and reached a satisfactory conclusion. The players shake hands (kiss?) and call it a day. Maybe it is more like theater. Two actors enter the stage of the bedroom and take on their roles. They go through a series of acts which eventually results in the climax of the plot, the resolution, and then the curtain falls. After the play, the actors put on their street clothes and continue their normal lives.

Honestly, I think I’ve just stumbled upon the crux of the problem: men are virtually guaranteed a “good game;” one where they feel satisfied. Women, on the other hand, are usually disappointed with the “game.” Often, the man only cares about his own pleasure and doesn’t think about the equal exchange of energy. The woman simply isn’t satisfied. What a mess. The question then becomes, how do I, as a man, assure the woman that I will be generous during the sexual game?

The rabbit hole just goes deeper and deeper and the fact still remains that the one proposition I did get this weekend was from a man. I didn’t take him up on it, because I’m not attracted to men. However, I could appreciate and understand his straightforwardness. What it comes down to is this: both men and women have to be more giving to each other. Men have to do what they can to give women explosive orgasms and women have to give us more opportunities to

by Dlove at November 3, 2003 01:33 AM

Comments

I have to disagree with you about it being a physical difference, although I am with you on how more honesty would make the "game" work better. As Westerners, we take sex too seriously.

There is a western cultural thing that we girls seem to be exposed to when entering puberty, which is that sex is something guys want and girls give in to. Even when we grow up and find that we want it too, we've been so indoctrinated into thinking that there needs to be emotional commitment that we get all that dishonesty with the guys (and probably girls too) pretending to feel something they don't. There are *still* double standards about this, just last week a friend reported that her sister in law had "turned into the convention bike".

And it's insulting all round. Why should a guy lie about what he wants and why he wants it? Why should a girl have to be "talked into bed" to enjoy a physical act she wants anyway? If I agree with a guy that we will have no-strings sex, why do my friends tell me that he is using me when I am using him just as much?

I'm not really into the sixties solution, I'd like to see more of a separation between sex and love, not freeing love and further mixing of the boundaries. I can only come up with a personal solution by changing my own attitude (into less talking and more doing :-)), I'm not sure of the best way of changing societal attitudes without running the risks of a rise in infectious diseases and teenage pregnancies.

This is not to discourage your campaign to convince guys to give women more orgasms though, that sounds like a good idea...

I think you've missed an important issue with women sharing their bodies, which is that you have the whole madonna/whore issue going on. Lots of men want women who haven't slept with anyone (or only a few people) based on various studies done. So, as a woman, giving in and fucking everyone you find hot can really be frowned on. When I reveal how many people I've slept with to mainstream folks I get a really cold response usually.
I doubt this is the same response a guy gets in the same situation.

So why do women not jump into bed with men when they want to? Well, there's all the possibilities of catching something from someone who's not revealed that they have a disease. There's the uncomfortable situation that something might go wrong and they could get pregnant. There's the issue, also, that you mention whereby the men get all the fun and the girl ends up wishing she'd just stayed home and applied a curling iron to her flesh instead or something.

Men don't get pregnant. And sure as hell a one-night stand whose name you didn't even catch is not gonna be around later to help you take care of the issue if a baby results from the union.

Keeping all of that in mind, I find that there are women out there who are willing to put out their wishes to someone if they find them attractive, but they are rare. I know a number of them. Maybe you just need to move to Seattle, darlin!

I think I read a book about people who had casual sex just because it made them happy. However, it was all very controled as far as birth control and STD's and the like. Ahh..."Brave New World".

If I weren't so concerned about STD's and babies (yeah, mostly babies), I'd have a more "male" perspective on sex. Honestly, I'm more frightened of children than I am of AIDS, and I think that's a serious complex. It may also be a major reason that the emotional attachment is so much stronger for women. If I'm going to have little Oops, Mistake, or Mistake Jr, I want them to be with somebody I at least kinda like. And preferably somebody who is noble enough to pay child support.

I'm pretty sure the "there's no 'no factor'" in the gay community contributed greatly to the rise in HIV and AIDS (that has periodically jumped, supposedly due to "happy" ads where people are depicted as living perfectly well with HIV when it's really not a reality) so I think that the whole everybody getting to have sex around... providing your paperwork? yeah, right - that would have to happen in the "everybody is a nice person and doesn't lie" world that doesn't currently exist.

AND - in addition, I would say that emotionless/bondless sex is way overrated. I'm sorry, but you can't tell me that two people who love each other who get to learn the ins-and-outs of sex together don't get as much or more pleasure than the forty year old bachelor who wears gold rings and shows his chest hair to every girl who feels like getting laid. I have a suspicion that people think when people save the sex for marriage that they take the "virgin" lifestyle into that marriage -- please! -- I personally plan to be enjoying my love/sex combo as much as possible and without having the inhibitions of "is this the right guy? does he want more than this? do I want more than this?" blah blah blah.

Wanting is such a complex thing--I think women want sex without emotional attachments. They don't always want something special. There really are thousands of counterexamples. But there are some complexities that don't merely have to do with penetration--You may want something but be less inclined to pursue it because it comes with stuff you don't want. It would take too long to explain this...But in the everyday world we have thousands of women having sex without the promise of one little special thing...Take my word for it.

Yes if there were a race of men who could be turned off and stored like TVs in one's closets and only brought out for sex every straight woman would have one at home. Believe me.

Women Have sex because the guy cock are huge or sometimes becoz of of the handsome and the the body of the men... but i love guys and i am a gay...for imformation please send ur email and ur name to me at kelvin_huey2000@yahoo.co.uk

Hey bitches i order you to suck my horny cock right now... or else ill spank your asses so hard your gonna want to have some more....
im gonna fuck you all so good that you will moan till you cry..... and ur gonna suck like helpless bitches that you are...
now who wants to suck my cock first?

Some fucking things make human beings fucking feel seperated from each other like fucking religion,race and sex. I wish i would live in a world without these things,you know i am pretty fucking pissed off with these things. We claim ,we are better than animals as a human beings but animals never kill each other because of for example fucking sex,fuck us

I dont really believe in love at all.And Iam a single male and I fuck frequently.I think you ge laid more being single because you have a world of women to chose from.Instead of just one woman all the time.
I also dont play head games and am pritty straight forward when it comes to fucking.I think it is fun to fuck without any attachments,that way its just pleasure for pleasures sake.And as long as you both are having fun who cares.
And I see no barrier,I myself am not religious,I have had sex with Latin,white,asian and black women.Of all faiths from hindu,jewish,christain,pagan and many others.I find the only personthat puts barriers up are you in your own mind.

This is getting hot, very hot! I felt in love tonight with Chris Isaak. Is he gay or bisexual? He is so cute. I was looking at him and trying to imaging how he would look without his pants. Is the testoterone in me, guys!

I'm gay and well....I get attached to people.
I find it sad that people would want to fuck me one night and than it's "bye, I've never known you".

This is the sort of sexual phantasm that you can try once or twice in your life with someone you
really don't care for (example: someone you hate but find attractive). But after, well, it's bad to be alone. We're all growing older and we want people to belong with and to tell you what,it's not a question of sex at all.

At some point we realize sex is not the only thing. Sex is adolescently selfish. For a while we want to be where it's at best, but sometimes (if we're lucky) we discover we like people so much that it doesn't matter anymore that they aren't sexual beasts. In fact, too much of sex is a waste of time. Life is short and they are a bunch of other things to experience. People who are too much into sex are often disappointingly dumb. Not that dumbness in sex is not what makes it fun but, it may be good to balance that a little.

Also, I don't think sex is exclusively a wonderful thing. There is a lot of darkness to it. I'm not going into some people's sexual demons (I'm pretty open anyway), but there's nothing that hurts more as knowing a person you love is in bed with a friend of yours. There's a lot of pain consequential to the way people can be examplary of selfishness through sex.

Like many other things in life, sex is no fair play. Not everybody is rich. Not everybody will get great sex. Desire is discriminatory. It's not a beautiful portrait.

I will fuck you che.I myself am very honest with women and I have a very positive response.I find honesty is the best way to go.If you just want to fuck them,just say hey I want to fuck you.What do you have to lose?

i just want to say that sex is enjoyable for both men and women and it also realex them but my personal commit for the people world is that please keep this relation beteen your partners and never share your body with anyone in anywhere however you would enjoy a outdoor sex on that time but it will create a lot of problem later which would be very difficult to handle like AIDS and unwanted baby.