10 Things They Should’ve Built Instead of the Stupid Ravines Package Center

In the fall semester of 2016, Grand Valley decided to ruin everybody’s lives by introducing the Ravines Package Center. We’re not quite sure if they did this intentionally as the Pew mail center was perfectly fine, but either way, there are so many better and more interesting things they should’ve built instead.

10.) An “As Seen on TV” store:

As Seen on TV stores are probably the best and most useless stores in the country. There’s nothing you could possibly want from an As Seen on TV store for as much as it costs, but they’re a lot more entertaining than a mail room!

9.) A food place that actually serves good food:

We have places like Panda Express and Fresh, but why don’t we try something that doesn’t make you immediately want to vomit after consuming it? Whether it’s a new dining hall or just a place that didn’t come straight out of a shopping mall food court, it would sure be better than the useless Ravines Package Center.

8.) An IKEA:

“That’s impractical!” one might say, but do you know what else is impractical? The new Ravines Package Center. Besides, there’s only one in Michigan at the moment, and it’s fun to get lost for literally three days because no one will help you escape. Who doesn’t love assembling furniture when the only instructions you are given are in Swedish.

7.) That weird Halloween store that only exists around Halloween:

It may only exist around Halloween, but it would make more sense than an all-year round package center that’s hardly accessible in the winter anyway. You’ll have all the fake blood you need for all of your fake blood needs. Yay!

6.) New dorms:

This isn’t all that bad of an idea considering that’s what was originally back there and GV has more students than housing. At least then GV residents could live in peace knowing they don’t have to walk a mile in the snow to get their mail.

5.) A party store:

Possibly illegal or just profitable? Either way, it would be much more enjoyable and useful than the Ravines Package Center.

4.) Another large and slightly abstract sculpture:

There’s nothing Grand Valley appreciates more than a ridiculously large, out-of-the-box sculptures. We already have the yellow one in front of Mackinac and the big white one in the midst of all the Lake halls, so why not put one up in place of the Package Center?

3.) A grocery store that doesn’t sell cereal for $6 a box:

Sure, we may have a lot of on campus stores already, but we bet you can’t find one that doesn’t sell Cap’n Crunch for less than $5.99 a box! How about a dollar store to actually fit our budget? Hmmmmm Grand Valley???

2.) Another parking lot:

There’s nothing people do more at Grand Valley than complain about a lack of parking. Grand Valley had the potential to rectify this problem, but then again, would it really be Grand Valley if no one complained about parking?

1.) Literally nothing:

Grand Valley’s addicted to modification. Everywhere you turn there’s construction, but some things are worth holding onto (like having separate and convenient package centers). Why not save the money for other things, or you know, anything actually helpful.

As you can see, there are way better ways to waste space than with the dumpy-looking Ravines Package Center. It doesn’t matter if it’s a shitty store or a brand new dining hall. The point is, it’s not the Ravines Package Center.