Beckhams defeat Schadenfreude

Britain’s journalists have called a halt to two decades of ridicule and derision aimed at David & Victoria. Despite hurling every conceivable poisonous slur at the golden couple, the Press has been forced to concede that people just “like” the Beckhams.

The final stake through the heart of media cynicism came this month when Victoria, was honored as “GLAMOUR: Woman of the Decade”. One disheartened hack said, as he hid from direct sunlight: “We’ve tried everything - sneering comments about tattoos, weight-loss, infidelity…we’ve even had a pop at their children. Nothing. Not a sausage.” he complained, while casting no reflection. “The public refuse to turn against them. For some reason they find love of family and hard-work adorable.”

The Head Neurosurgery at University Hospital Southampton explained: “Press Barons have long been controlling our dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, stimulating our ventral striatum every time a Celeb gets divorced, files for bankruptcy or suffers a medical mishap. However, criticism of the Beckhams stimulates an empathetic response; similar to if someone had kicked a puppy. News that the people we envy have suffered misfortune would normally flood the system with the hormone oxytocin, but we just get a warm glow every time David does his sheepish grin or Victoria cracks a smile.”

Choking on some garlic, one Editor remarked:”It’s like the British public are almost ‘happy’ for them. What does that mean? League titles in four countries, Olympic ambassador, style icon, pop superstar, charity work…it’s too much..it’s…it’s… I’m meeeeeelting.”