01 September 2007

A thousand's not enough

An alcoholic was walking along a beach. A sunlit glint of metal in the sand caught his eye. Going over to inspect it, he saw that it was brass. He started brushing away the sand from around it and soon realized it was an old brass lantern or lamp. After he'd cleared away enough sand, he was able to free it from its sandy grave. He lifted it up.

"Wow," he thought, "I wonder if this is worth anything?" and started brushing away the wet sand that still clung to it.

As he did so, a mist started drifting out of the spout. It very quickly became very thick and large, about his own size. Then, with a quiet whoosh, the cloud coalesced into a genie!

"Thank you, my friend!" said the genie with a kind smile. "You have just freed me from thousands of years of being washed around on the ocean floor by the tides and currents. And of course, as I'm sure you know, you now get three wishes. What will you have?"

It didn't this boozer long at all to know what he wanted.

"How about a bottle of scotch that never does dry?"

Poof! A bottle of scotch appeared in his hand. Somewhat wary, he carefully opens the bottle and sniffs the contents.

"Smells like scotch," he remarked.

"It's good scotch too," answered the genie.

The alcoholic takes a small sip.

"Mmmm," he says, "that is good scotch!"

I lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a healthy swig.

Lowering the bottle, he asks, "And it will never go dry?"

"Never!" replies the genie.

A big smile breaks across the drunk's face and he says, with enthusiasm, "Hot damn!"

He takes another swig, enjoys it briefly, then takes another.

The genie, getting impatient, says, "You still have two more wishes, you know."

Search me, Feed me

About Me

Contact me—via either e-mail or Gmail chat—at namenlosen dot trinker at gmail dot com (replace ' dot ' with '.' and ' at ' with '@'). What I show as my birthday on my profile is actually my sobriety date.

Disclaimer

The opinions expressed are my own and not those of anyone else (though they should be). Absolutely nothing contained herein is intended or should be construed as being affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous or as being representative of the opinion of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Dramatis personae

• A Zany Billiard — Sister-in-law, married to BassMan I

• Abbott — The Rock's first sponsor

• AdenineLush — Current Area Delegate

• Alf — Step-son

• Amadeus — Brother-in-law

• Banner Sky — Not a person; a nearby bar I never drank in, though I'm not sure why—it was just my kind of cheap dive

• BassMan I — Brother

• Bear — Former DCM who unexpectedly died in Feb 2007

• Bitter Cookie — Ex-wife

• Bumblebee — a sponsee, now deceased as a result of his alcoholism

• Calked Marlin — Garden-variety drunk

• ChinBeard — an old A.A. friend

• Cumulonimbus — Close personal friend and former drinking buddy who spent four years in A.A.

• Dad — My father

• Dancing Bear — Long-time pigeon

• Deadbeat Dad — Wife's ex-husband, who at one time really was one of the biggest child support deadbeats in the state

• Dean-o — Brother-in-law, married to Sis

• Diego — One of Dancing Bear's sponsees

• Doppelganger — Brother

• Ferdinand — Brother

• Graven Latte — A very close friend and recovering alcoholic in general service

• HennaLoge — Sister-in-law, married to Doppelganger

• Idlerich — Ex-wife’s boyfriend and now husband

• J.J. Rangstorm —My first service sponsor, though I didn't know that's what he was at the time

• LaTroy — Step-daughter

• Lloyd Right — a double-trouble sponsee, now deceased

• Luigi — another recovering alcoholic

• Macron Larks — My [non-alcoholic] therapist

• Mobs Sissy — Step-daughter

• Mom — My mother

• Mr Riches-to-Rags — one of my newer pigeons

• Ms Sobriety — Long-time sober friend & high school sweetheart

• Nimue — Wife (soon to be ex-wife)

• Nonces Juicy — First cousin and wife to Cumulonimbus

• OneEighty — Sister-in-law, married to Ferdinand

• Overseer — Temporary pigeon as of October 2007

• Painter — Daughter

• Placido — Brother

• Ralph — My second sponsor

• Revson — Son-in-law, married to S-Cat, , father of my four grandchildren

• Rock, The — Current sponsor

• S-Cat — Daughter, married to Revson, mother of my four grandchildren