Old Favorites

“Music Finds” is a series with new posts here on the blog each Wednesday. The concept is as follows:As I listen to a lot of music, I from time to time finds a piece that sticks out, sometimes because it’s quirky, mixed two very unlikely genres, unlikely instruments, or just damn right having an awesome sound. Expect any kind of genre to appear here. These songs is what I will be sharing with you in these posts called “Music Finds”
But really it’s mostly a segment about some of my most played songs!”

Lately I’ve been re-discovering some of my old inspirations, meaning multiple hours spinning in the tray. Have a taste:

This time I will start at the end just because I can or because I like to start there because I like this ending.

hide – 限界破裂

I don’t know what it is about hide’s appearance that feels so well, therapeutic. One of a kind personality that is hard not to get inspired by. Seemingly easy going, but there’s a depth to him. That is something I appreciate. You can be both be playful and serious at the same time. And I’m happy I didn’t really listen to him before I ran into you, because now I can’t really hear or see him without thinking of you. That is among all those details that I love so much.

This is a gentle and very sexy song, perfect for his soft voice. A cure for the sick feel. I like how it’s not building a barrier or wall; it’s the inviting to be the therapy, that’s what hooks me to it. Often when writing about your or even more someone else’s weakness it ends up with a feel of looking at the strange and unwanted. The need to point out that something is wrong with you. By that making a distance. This is one of those kinds of good songs where instead compassion is the point. For anyone who feels the dark inside themselves or whatever broken bits they carry around, this kind of kindness and desire stands out and shines bright. Often enough the world outside already grinds you down, telling you about all you should be, every bloody day. Then there are those few but very very golden people who have the ability to see you as you are faults and all and it doesn’t matter, and even more they will show you that it don’t. They will go out of their way so show you another way of thinking and feeling.

I know these people don’t get enough love in this world. They are my kind of heroes.

To put other people’s needs first in the sense of letting them feel all and work through it. That is hard but rewarding. And every time someone writes a song about it that goes straight for my heart. It’s so cool to be nice like that. And sexy! It’s so hot to see deep care like that.

Who doesn’t want to be a cure even if they feel at times broken themselves? The very best thing you can do really. This song has a good vibe of give courage to, warm up for getting close to you, please you. Warm, but with that great dash of push, do it with me. It’s my therapy. If you want loving with someone, tell them what you want. None of that they should know. It is tricky. Don’t be scared if they don’t tell all at first. Sometimes the best is just trying to be close, let them know you want to touch them, gently touching them and showing that you want to be touched back. That invite to can at times be all they wanted and needed from you. I know nothing makes me happier than to feel and see the desire for me. Knowing I bring you pleasure. Lift you up.

If we now skip to the beginning and the other hide song for contrast. That is a completely different song, which is so inspiring in a writer way. I like the song, can’t help but love how hide sings the word stupid. Tied to what I wrote about before it’s a stupid song, not because it isn’t good, it’s spot on. Describing what really isn’t my cup of tea. I mean sure be my dog, but what for? I’m sure I sound like an old preacher with this moral, but sexual pleasure for me needs a deeper connection. I’m so not the one night stand or casual sex. I want to feel it all, deeply. And for this I often get the “you’re too serious”. I am. I only want to give all of me to someone who truly wants to be there and want my all. I have no need for humiliation games; I know I have power if you look at me with desire. I much rather just collapse together with you on the floor touching and kissing.

This leads us to the X-Japan song. Because sadistic isn’t my thing either. I can be dominant but sadist is another thing entirely. Great song for writing about it though. I know people enjoy it and please do. I have written about it, sure a writer needs to know lots of things in this world. I have read my Marquis de Sade and I find it to be interesting and in a sense beautiful. I make no judgment, but I couldn’t willingly inflict pain. I’m far too empathic for that game I’m afraid. Short and poetic, if I’m to rule you it would be by soft teasing and pleasure. The only pain I want to inflict is a burning desire, imagination and deep longing if I know you’ll get to that happy ending. Song of my choice is For You, not just because I’d want to feel that myself but also give my all for you.

I think SaSa made a good point in one of her inspirations post when she talked about confidence making it easier. It does. I don’t mind confidence, I love when people dare walk up to me, especially if they fancy me. I respect and like that very much. Strike up a stupid conversation with me, be silly, be close, be you.

Oh MUCC…
When all else fail. You’re at the bottom not really sure how to reach the surface again. The emotions I have to this song. Want to see my feelings? Play this song. You’ll see it all. This is pain… stupidity and shame entwined with coming back to life and love.
Thank you for reconnecting me with this song when I needed it the most. That is love. <3

I did appreciate your narrative. You sure have got it! That is probably why I had to be a dork and switch the whole thing around. I find it interesting. It’s like with your pendants. I love them so much I need to rearrange them at times. You’ve got me good.

And now I'll throw in something else I've been thinking of as we're on the subject of old music inspiration. Kind of complicated and a long step so bear with me. Life is full of mistakes and hurtful words that follow you around. You know that moment when you hear an interesting cover of a song that you haven't heard for a while and somehow the feeling about and memories of that song has made a total flip for the good without you knowing.

There's been such a surge of the 90's lately. Which musically for the most part feels kind of nice. But one band of my 90's life has faded out kind of and that is, Metallica. Yeah… now here lies nostalgia. Many of the songs have a "piss out of my life for good" feel for me. Not to mention, don't smother me cries. Isn't it funny what people take with them as things fail and fall apart? There's no regret nor ex factor or whatever people call it, I don't have one. Except my feelings for you… You’re the exception.

Now I wasn't all that into Metallica to start off. But when you spend time with someone that is deep into something that will ultimately also become part of you. And that can be good if it wasn’t for that…tendency of mine to be honest. I’m too bloody honest. So… When I was asked what I thought of the song Nothing Else Matters, I foolishly or brilliantly said, "It's nice, but I prefer The Unforgiven or The Unforgiven II a lot more". I thought no more of that. I mean they were just songs, right? Wrong! People tend to remember and at a point of weakness make sure you'll then know how horrid you have been. In a much later argument when I wasn't all I was supposed to be, I never am, it came back to bite me. Not immediately agreeing and liking that song was unfeminine, I had little to no clue what was meant by that except it was bad. I was unromantic, the lot. I was already angry and sad for many other things. I just took that. Wish I hadn’t and just walked away. In my young mind it was like, "well maybe you're right, that isn't feminine at all. I don’t like the right things. But I’m sure that’s because I'm not ready yet to be one of whatever it is. And certainly not with you! When I am ready, I will find that song again and I’ll get it and love it.".

I got out of that connection, but lost the music which is a little sad as so much of my life was in ruins then. Our mutual friends and my mother's family kind of told me how they did not like that decision. I know it was the right one. And I still think that The Unforgiven II is romantic as hell. To want to lie together, to pour your heart out to someone, trying to turn the page together and that want to bury the key in the other person. Another one of those caring and compassionate songs, looking back at it now. And from that feel came the fascination for my big inspirations My Dying Bride and Katatonia who are still close to heart. Because of their emotional styles. A bit later Moonspell joined the party with pretty much the same desire and will to love eternal but in another expression.

My dad was the only one apart from my childhood friend that just went; you know what's best for you. I know people mean well when they don't want you to be alone. But alone is better than lonely and locked in a hurtful cage.

The point is. I heard a cover of Nothing Else Matters sung by Marlisa, nice arrangement with piano and strings and here is the x-factor. I found it because it was on my Spotify discover list. As foolish as that young thought of one day when it’s right I’ll get this song was, hearing it now was different. Totally opposite of all that. It was the feeling I've been waiting for. And as bad a story as it is, I’m ready for it to have a blissful end.

For you truly are what I wished for and I trust in you
That is from my heart

"I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
Nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us, something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know, yeah!

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters "