Delivery from Darkness

Bringing postpartum depression out of the closet.

I was irritable; I cried; I was exhausted, yet had trouble sleeping. Getting through each day seemed nearly impossible. My own children avoided me; my husband tiptoed around me. I was convinced that my family and the world would be better off without me.

Although I was a certified nurse midwife at that time, my lack of experience and understanding of postpartum depression (PPD) matched that of the average layperson and, unfortunately, most medical professionals. PPD was something that happened to "other" women who already had psychological problems.

Anyway, PPD would never happen to me. I was too "happy!" I was always the type of person that people viewed as so capable, energetic, and positive. But I suddenly realized that if PPD could happen to Michal Finkelstein, it could happen to anyone.

After my sixth child was born over 15 years ago, I suffered from PPD. It was only after this birth that my doctor and I realized that I had probably suffered from PPD after the birth of my five other children. I had found it difficult to cope, but had chalked it up to having many children close in age, to being overwhelmed, to lacking household help. I didn't even know that my extreme frustration and anxiety weren't a "normal" part of being a young mother. Thankfully, I had a good marriage, good friends, and a cohesive community. This support, along with my sheer will, helped me to pull myself out of these milder episodes of depression.

However, this time, after number six, I was feeling really bad. I still shudder as I think back to those horrible, lonely feelings. I felt so alone. We had just moved, and my familiar support systems and dear friends were far away. I imagined that my husband, my children, and the whole world were against me. Intellectually, I knew that the thoughts going through my head were unrealistic, but I could not control them. At the same time, I was mortified at the thought of discussing the ferocity of my anger and bitterness with anyone.

Finally, four months postpartum, an older friend suggested I see a therapist. Thank God I did.

The past remedies – cleaning help, proper diet and exercise – were not sufficient this time.

The dark, heavy cloud slowly lifted during the following months. It was a hard process over time, with many ups and downs. At first, I tried talking with a psychologist. However, we soon realized that the remedies that had worked in the past – cleaning help at home, proper diet and exercise – would not be sufficient to improve the situation this time.

The psychologist referred me to a psychiatrist, who prescribed an antidepressant. Medication, along with counseling, provided the relief I needed. It took a few weeks for the medicine to kick in, and I felt worse before I felt better. It was so frustrating until the old me slowly returned. I can honestly say that it took up to a year until I felt 100% better!

I can offer three practical suggestions to get through this difficult time: first, focus on accomplishing only the most important task(s) of the day; second, keep the lines of communication open with your spouse, family, and friends; and third, speak with an objective third party who can help you direct your thoughts in a more positive and realistic manner.

A Common Crisis

We all know of someone who has suffered from PPD to some degree. Just mention postpartum depression and you will get an onslaught of reactions and personal confessions.

Postpartum depression is a pervasive and poorly understood phenomenon, not only in the medical world but also in Jewish circles. Many women are afflicted with some level of emotional distress after childbirth. There are varying shades of this "darkness?' A woman may not be suicidal or dangerous to her children; she may even get up and go to work every day, make dinner for the family and put on a happy face, but her internal sadness and despair are eating her soul away. She lives with these feelings in solitude.

We have to talk about PPD, discuss our stories, and share our experiences. The more we research, discuss, diagnose, and treat PPD responsibly, the more we can improve the quality of life for countless mothers and their families.

It took an American movie star, admitting she suffered from postpartum depression to make this issue front-page news. Only a year later, in 2006, the international edition of Newsweek magazine featured postpartum depression on its front cover. Finally postpartum depression is getting the attention it deserves. In the United States, Israel, and England, PPD screening and intervention are becoming an' integral part of pre- and postpartum maternity care.

In the state of New Jersey, a first-of-its-kind law was signed in April of 2006 requiring doctors to educate expectant mothers and their families about postpartum depression and to screen new moms for the widespread condition. Several other states have launched awareness campaigns on television and radio. These initiatives have trained health professionals to provide screening, referrals, and treatment for PPD.

Bracha & Zvi's Story

Bracha:

When we saw our little baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound at only eight weeks, we were so excited. We'd been married for only eight months, but the idea of having children was so important to us. We both came from large families, and we were hoping to be blessed as well. There was a scary moment in the eleventh week due to some bleeding. It all worked out, but for a few weeks I became quite apprehensive with every trip to the bathroom.

My husband Zvi learns Torah fulltime and I am studying for a degree in special education. Time flew and before we knew it, I was taking a childbirth class and making birth plans. My mother is an overwhelming and nervous type, so Zvi and I decided not to tell her when I was in labor. My older cousin Leah, herself a mother of four, agreed to accompany us. The birth was amazing, though the pushing was tough. What a big, beautiful boy! It was so special to think of all the celebrations ahead of us – shalom zachor, bris milah, and pidyon haben.

Everyone was excited, but I could tell my mother was hurt that we hadn't asked her to come to the birth. I felt a little guilty but decided to deal with it later. I was feeling so out of it from the birth and I knew from past experience that it's better to deal with my mom when I have my wits about me.

I checked his I.D. bracelet every hour in case someone had switched my baby with another one.

The nursing didn't go well in the beginning, but I assumed that after a little rest and some assistance, it would be fine. It was very noisy in the hospital; I couldn't sleep even though I was exhausted. My mind was racing and I kept seeing my mother's face, imagining she was really upset. Finally dozing off, I dreamt my mother had taken the baby to sell him at the market because I wasn't a good mother. I woke up in a cold sweat with my heart pounding. Maybe the dream was a sign that I wouldn't be a good mother or I didn't deserve a healthy baby. I told Zvi, and he said I was just being silly and chalked it up to exhaustion. It's a good thing there was rooming in, so I could keep an eye on the baby.

I couldn't sleep and I remember checking his I.D. bracelets every hour in case someone had switched my baby with another one. I kept a list of everyone coming in and out of my room, so we would have a record of any foul play. I even asked Zvi to bring the small tape recorder I used to tape classes so I could record incoming phone calls. I recall tasting the baby formula to make sure it wasn't poison and I insisted on going to the nursery when they weighed and bathed the baby before discharge. The nurses just laughed and patted me on the back, saying I was already an overprotective mother.

No way did I want to go to my mother's house from the hospital, though we originally had planned it that way. I suspected a plot, so we headed to our own home instead. Zvi said he thought that maybe I would be more relaxed at home, just the three of us. However, he was looking at me kind of weirdly; I started to get nervous, thinking that perhaps he was plotting something. Everything after that was a blur.

Zvi:

We were told in the childbirth class that being emotional and teary after delivery was normal, but Bracha was unusually anxious and started to act strange. She wouldn't let anyone hold the baby and, when we got home, she locked all the doors and pulled the shades down. She had this wide-eyed look on her face and paced around the house. I became frightened and called her doctor. He said to meet him in the emergency room. I felt horrible, but I had to make up an excuse that we forgot something at the hospital in order to get her into the car. It wasn't pleasant once Bracha realized her doctor was there to meet us, and the medical staff had to forcibly give her an injection to calm her down. She was hospitalized in a mother-baby psychiatric unit specializing in postpartum psychosis.

I never knew something like this could come about after childbirth; I felt as if I had been hit by a ton of bricks. Who would've thought that something like this could happen! The doctors explained that postpartum psychosis occurs once in every thousand women. Who cares about odds: when you're the one, you lose.

I wondered if our lives would ever be normal again.

Bracha's treatment was divided between physical and mental health care. She was given many types of medication while being encouraged to reconnect to reality. She seemed disconnected from her surroundings, including the baby and me. She did respond to the drugs fairly quickly and was much calmer within the first week. By the second week she started expressing interest in the baby but could not be left alone with him. It was as if she was afraid of the baby and was apprehensive about taking responsibility for his care. The nurses gave him formula and would encourage Bracha to assist with the feeding. Often Bracha would stare blankly into space, as if she was deep in thought. But if I asked her what she was thinking, she always said she didn't know. Her levels of medication were lowered after her condition stabilized, but breastfeeding was out of the question. I didn't care; this was the least of our problems.

Finally after a month, she started smiling when I came to visit. Her doctor dissuaded other family members from visiting. Her mother was pretty annoyed at first but accepted it after talking to the doctor. It was important for us to work with the staff as a team and not against the doctors. It was hard at first because we felt that we knew Bracha better than they did. But during this process, we learned a lot of new things about depression and how to respond to this situation. The doctors, nurses, and social workers explained the situation not only to me, but also to Bracha's family. Their direct contact with Bracha's mother made the difference in my mother-in-law's acceptance of the situation, including the doctor's limitations on visits. It also made it easier for us to calm down and deal with this crisis and the rest of the family.

The staff constantly reassured me that I was not at fault, though when I was at home alone without my wife and baby, there were difficult moments. "What could I have done differently?" I would ask myself. Of course there was no answer, but I would recommend that anyone in my situation get some counseling. I'm embarrassed to say that I selfishly worried at times that I would be saddled with a mentally ill wife for my whole life.

Even when I was angry at the world, my heart was breaking! I wondered if our lives would ever be normal again. Every day dragged on and was difficult. At first I didn't know what to say to people. Mental illness is usually kept hush-hush, but we decided to tell a few close friends and relatives the truth. Since we live in the city, most of the neighbors just thought Bracha was recovering from the birth at her mother's house.

I took a 3-month leave of absence and became daddy with a capital "D".

After six very long weeks of intensive therapy, Bracha was discharged. She continued with psychotherapy three times a week and was still taking four different medications, including birth control. I was very relieved to have my family home, but now most of the childcare fell on my shoulders; Bracha was still incapable of coping by herself. So I took a three-month leave of absence from kollel and became daddy with a capital "D".

It's been six months since David's birth and he's growing beautifully. Bracha is getting better every day, but there are still moments when she seems distant and anxious and she's still on some medication. My main concern is that Bracha should be 100% better before we would ever consider having more children. I get tears in my eyes in gratitude to Hashem when I see Bracha holding our David and singing to him. We've come such a long way!

Bracha:

I was in a foggy dream for a long time. I remember bits and pieces of being around lots of strangers, with Zvi floating in and out. I didn't really know where I was, but I recall nice people telling me it was going to be all right. I felt very tired all the time. I remember dreaming about a baby and I eventually became aware of the fact that I was in a hospital and no one had stolen him. I felt a sense of peace, like surviving a tornado.

When the doctors and Zvi explained what had happened, I was kind of embarrassed and felt sorry for Zvi and what he must have gone through. But Zvi was so good and kept reassuring me that he loved me and the baby, and we would be a family together. I wanted to get better, but I would get scared every time my mind would wander a bit. When I felt disconnected from reality, my baby David was more insignificant to me. I would feel I wasn't really his mother; he was just some random baby. The feeling was terrifying and my heart beat rapidly. Over time, this feeling occurred less and less.

Finally we were able to go home. I was a bit nervous, but Zvi was a big help. David was an alert, smiling baby. I was tired of being treated as if I were sick, but logically I knew that I had been through a major ordeal. At first I felt that everyone was staring at me and knew what had happened. But every day got easier and I even started to take a couple of classes at the university. David was in half-day childcare to make the transition easier. My parents came to visit once a week as did Zvi's, but they were careful not to interfere.

It's a physical illness, like a heart attack. It wasn't my fault that I got sick.

It's hard to believe I was the unlucky one in a thousand to suffer from psychosis after childbirth. Now that six months have passed, I'm grateful to be surrounded by people who care. When we get together with friends and family, we never talk about the hospitalization and I really hate when people treat me differently. Thank God Zvi and I really communicate well and he's always there when I need him. I try not to feel guilty about the psychosis; it's a physical illness, like a heart attack. It wasn't my fault that I got sick.

I still have hopes for more children, but I know that any future pregnancy will have to be monitored by my psychiatrist. I think I'll just take it one day at a time and be thankful for the blessings I have.

Signs & Symptoms – A Postpartum Continuum

BABY BLUES

Occurrence: 80% of new mothers.

Onset: Up until third week postpartum.

Signs: Moodiness, weepiness, nervousness, sleeplessness.

Treatment: Resolves on its own, though increased communication with caring people and catching up on lost sleep helps.

Implications for Future: Not an indication as to whether or not a woman will develop PPD.

Treatment: Often considered a normal part of adjusting to parenthood; usually resolves on its own. Recovery is hastened when a woman nurtures herself and reduces her standards of performance and demands on herself during this time.

Implications for Future: Can pass or progress to full-blown depression.

Implications for Future: May recur with succeeding childbirths. tt'eimen should be aware that preventive therapies are needed.

POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS

Occurrence: 1 in 1,000 new mothers.

Onset: Within the first 2 weeks postpartum.

Signs: hearing voices or sounds no one else hears. Thoughts of hurting oneself or baby, no sleep in 48 hours, cannot care for baby or self, rapid weight loss without trying. Cannot control thoughts, as if someone else were controlling her thoughts and actions.

Treatment: Hospitalization, medication.

Implications for Future: Should be under joint psychiatric/ obstetric care during next pregnancy and postpartum

Visitor Comments: 16

Another book written on this subject is Waves of Blue It has personal story including advice for husbands and questions and answers via professionals by shoshana Kagan. It has helped many people.

(14)
Anonymous,
April 8, 2010 11:02 PM

An Important Seguey

This piece is an important link to the open discussion of mental illness as awhole in the observant Jewish community. Just as any of these post-partum issues are not the person's "fault" any more than a broken arm or other medical phenomena, so too, for individuals who, at some point in thier lives, suffer from various mental issues, all of which have a physical and generally chemical source within the body. People need each other's support and means to get help so they can function at their best within the Jewish community and the world at large. Sweeping these issues under a rug only makes them harder to bear and more problematic for everyone.

(13)
Leah Lange,
February 25, 2010 10:40 PM

Permission to post quotes and book referral on my website.

Thnaks for sharing your story and educating the frum community about PPD. Moms with multiple pregnancies become so stressed and depleted that PPD is extremely common in varying degrees. Your chart was excellent at explaining the differences. As a mother of 11, I felt that there's not enough support for new mothers themselves. The babies get all the attention! So, I put up a website inviting new moms to read about their feelings and postpartum recovery. I offer 6 newletters for each week after birth and ideas to help new moms get through the postpartum period. You can visit on www.healthypostpartumrecovery.com. I'd love to recommend your book! Leah Lange, Oak Park , MI

(12)
Anonymous,
January 24, 2010 9:04 AM

relation between birth experience and postpartom deppression

Hey I'm expecting to give birth soon bezrat Hashem, And I was wondering if there's a relation between the kind of birth experience one has and postpartum depression.

Tzippy,
January 19, 2014 1:41 AM

just relax and pray :)

On one hand, it is important to read up on labor/delivery/postpartum etc... On the other hand, don't let it get you nervous! :) Keep all this info in the back of your mind to be used if necessary, but most important - relax and pray. May G-d bless you with a easy, healthy labor/delivery/postpartum.

(11)
linda klempner,
January 21, 2010 1:06 PM

you are not alone

Thank you to Bracha and Zvi for the courage to write honestly about their experience with her psychosis and recovery. Readers may want to know that Postpartum Support International is a nonprofit with a mission to provide current information and education for treatment/prevention of postpartum mood disorders. It has a coordinator to help locate resources in each U.S. state and over 30 countries including Israel. The Israel Coordinator is Saralee Glasser at Tel Hashomer, 972-3-530-3505 x104. You can get more info at www.postpartum.net. Our motto is: You are not alone, you are not to blame, And with help you will be well.

(10)
Anonymous,
January 21, 2010 5:57 AM

Great Read!

I wanted to thank you for posting this excerpt from the book! I believe that it is extremely important to bring the awareness of this problem to the Jewish community. There are many who suffer from postpartum depression and having an increased awareness helps people spot that there may be a problem earlier on. I have a close friend who had postpartum depression and found that after she was hospitalized for a short period of time and given medication her condition dramatically improved. It's a slow process but she continues to get better.

(9)
Anonymous,
January 19, 2010 6:15 PM

depression during pregnancy

I knew about post-partum depression, but what I didn't know was that it is possible to develop depression while pregnant. I was so lethargic with my second pregnancy that all I could ever think of was sleeping and had no energy to care for my toddler. I told the doctors about this and they told me that it was a normal part of pregnancy, and since I was still able to go to work, I assumed that they were correct. However, they were not. I was depressed for almost two years, during and after the pregnancy, before I finally looked for help. I am now on anti-depressants and I feel like I have a new lease of life. I just wish that there was more awareness about prenatal depression so that I could have gotten help sooner and did not have to ruin my relationship with my toddler that I am slowly trying to rebuild.

(8)
Anonymous,
January 18, 2010 3:03 PM

where to now?

what a great article and a much needed book, thank you! My question is this, at what point is PPD suffiecntly bad that a woman should not have more children? In the religious world we are told that each child is a blessing, which it is. however, if I have had PPD progressively worse after each child, why would I want to go thru that again, and put my family & husband thru that again? I'd be interested to hear R' Finkelstein (or his wonderful wife)'s response to my dilemma.

(7)
HOPE,
January 17, 2010 10:09 PM

TODAH

1961 THE BIRTH OF OUR 4TH CHILD AND THE HEAVENLY FEELING OF RELIEF AFTER THE BIRTH AND THE BIRTH WAS WITH A DIAGNOSIS OF INERTIA ...BIRTHING STOPS AND WE WAIT WITH FEET I N STIRRUPS AND THE OB TEAM SAYS JUST WAIT LABOR WILL START AGIAN...20 MINUTES!AN ETERNITY!
NORMAL DELIVERY ,,HOME AND STRANGE UNHAPPINESS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE AND A SHALOM ZACHAR AND A BRIT AT HOME ....WITH LOTS OF FOOD AND PEOPLE AND TALK AND BLESSINGS..AND WHY AM I UNHAPPY?
3 MONTHS PASS,I LOSE SLEEP AND WEIGHT AND AMBITION AND FEELING TO LIVE...I ROAM UP AND DOWN THE 3 FLIGHTS OF MY HOUSE..THE ONLY TIME I AM SATISFIED IS WHEN I AM NURSING..I ASK ALL TO LEAVE ..I HEAR VOICES AND SEE STRANGE SIGHTS..MY HUSBAND SPEAKS TO A FRIEND PSYCHIATRIST AND HE EXPLAINS PPD...WHO THE HECK EVER HEARD OF THIS IN 1961!
SO, I SEE A THERPAIST AND WE HAVE A CONNECTION AND BECOME FRIENDS.
LUCKY AND WE SEE THIS THRU AND IT HELPS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
JUST CELEBRATED OUR 60TH ANNIVERSARY.
THANK U FOR THIS INDEPTH CONNECTION SO,I CAN REVEAL MINE FOR THE 1ST TIME.

(6)
Anonymous,
January 17, 2010 9:58 PM

also kudos to Doreen Winter

Delivery From Darkness, by the Finkelsteins, is a most important and valuable addition to Jewish mental health libraries. It was co-authored by Mrs. Doreen Winter CSW, a warm, wise and sensitive social worker living in Israel.

(5)
Esther,
January 17, 2010 3:24 PM

Thank you for spreading awareness

Thank you for spreading awareness of PPD to our community.As someone who suffered from significant PPD a number of years ago I unfortunately know firsthand about the intense and crushing pain it involves.In my case,the symptoms were primarily anxiety based including debilitating panic attacks and severe OCD.The helplessness I felt when experiencing these overwhelming symptoms spiraled into a deep depression. The PPD had come as a complete shock to myself and my young family.I could not pinpoint any trigger it just happened.I had experienced an easy pregnancy and delivery.We were blessed with a beautiful angelic baby girl.I should of been the most joyous mother around -but I was far from it.
At the time,I truly felt that I was the only mom out there suffering.This sense of shame and isolation compounded my pain greatly.I simply had no one to talk to and no where to turn for guidance.I thank the writers of this book and Aish for spreading the word that PPD is an authentic illness that does afflict many women in our circles.The more literature and social support available the more our community as a whole will gain as PPD affects not only the mother but the whole family unit as well.

(4)
Elena Franco,
January 17, 2010 2:42 PM

Thank You

Thank you,thank you,thank you,to Rabbi Baruch,Michal,and especially Bracha & Zvi.This a very important and urgent issue.
It was very informative and sympathetic.We need to keep putting the word out that post partum depression/psychosis,and
other mental illnesses are real and physical and should NOT be
swept under the rug or criticized.They do have a chemical basis
and are not a sign of weakness.Poeple like Tom Cruise and the
Scientologists,for example,are ignorant and cruel,as are some
religious fanatics(i.e.the Pat Robertson types and hosts of hate-
talk shows.We know who they are)
I love and look forward to Aish's Sunday articles.Keep up the superb work!

I'm a mother of 5 kids, My ppd was not at bay especially after an episode of a medical nature after the delivery of my 4th baby and almost loosing my life I did not even recognise how my yetzer hara had won a battle to cause complete despair and devastation in my life which means that through a ripple effect on my children, my husband ultimately my home, the home our first house which we had justbought during the pregnancy with my 4th child was then about less than 2 years, was our dream home meaning our first home purchase to have a comfort like let the kids run and not upset the neighbors was going to be gone, together with the only stability of me loosing my best friend when my marriage ended which I had initiated and the anger that encircled my thoughts and deeds my kids lives sad, my then ex (today thank Ha Shem we are reunited) had passed awful anixiety episodes. However, most times making me gain sleep and take my rest. See I was away from my side of the family when i had my kids and not part of any real community, so help was not even being dreamt of (but even at those moments good people found a way to enter and keep things at bay ) even at the expense of being called hatzlanit I felt it important to get rest even thru the times of breastfeeding. Today my 5th baby is 8 months and Baruch Ha Shem we are so blessed to have HaShem in our lives blessed us with family, friends and a beautiful and wonderful community.
May Ha Shem protect and strengthen you and your family to educate women on this issue to be studied as part and parcle of parenting classes given by obgny, tipat halav, community health clinics and maybe even education in various circles to better educate all community members to read the signs, create awareness, and equip the layman whereby ppd can be dealt with an treated as if it were no more than the common cold and all we need is in the ingredients of that bowl of hot delicious soup and never ending belief, trust and love for Ha Shem.

(2)
Anonymous,
January 17, 2010 2:13 PM

Been there, done that!

Hi Tzvi and Bracha
Thank you for putting this article up, we went through this with my wife after our first son was born almost 10 years ago, a fully fledged post partum psychosis, resulting in my wife being hospatilized for many months and carefully monitored when our second sonw as born nearly 4 years ago. Thank G-d for wonderful family, doctors and Hashem's help, it is not easy at all, but PG there will always be light at the end of the tunnel

(1)
Sivan Shachnovitz,
January 17, 2010 1:26 PM

im sure this was hard for you to say

Thank you for sharing a dark part of pregnancy that many women are afraid to address. You've probably encouraged many women to take a look at themselves and come to terms with their own post-partum depression. and you're right. its NOT your fault- nor should anyone blame themselves. i wish you much hatzlacha in raising your beautiful family. may you and your husband have many healthy and happy children together.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...