Bulgaria

Sofia

FSP

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I came home Sunday afternoon to 10 inches of snow! It was beautiful, but is going to make finishing my shopping very tricky. I will only update the blog when I get news about my next trip which probably won't be for several more weeks. I intend to spend as much time with this part of my family as possible. They were very good while I was gone, but by the last week, the changes in their life was taking a toll.Thanks for taking this journey with me and check in with this blog in about a month nd I'll hopefully have news about the date of my next trip. God bless and Merry Christmas!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Court went fine - except the translator got me crying before I went in because she told me they were going to ask about my perceptions of the girls progress while I was with them. When I told her how slow Molly Jane was to trust and then how fully she embraced me, I couldn't even go on talking because the grief just grabbed hold of me again. My heart is so heavy knowing that I was part of this system that gives these little ones a taste of what a mother's love feels like and then dash those little feelings when I hand her back to the orphanage. Talk about being part of instilling RAD in a child. This is also the only thing I hated about being a foster parent. You feel like you are contributing to a bad system and that the child's best interest is talked about, but they system doesn't always walk the talk.How many times can a child go through being abandoned without loosing them to a life of trusting no one?As I said, court was fine, although it was a different set of women on the bench and so I felt like I had to start all over with why a child with DS and not a 'healthy" child. They wanted to know if I understood the diagnosis and all the potential complications that could show up. I told them about my son Jacob and how sick he was as a baby with his heart and lungs and feeding tube and O2, etc. and then I told them how strong and wonderful he is now and how his life is very full and rich because he is loved and accepted by his family and community. And luckily I had emailed my pediatrician about Molly Janes' issues so I could truthfully tell them that I had consulted my Doctor and that he feels that I am expereinced and realistic enough that I can handle whatever all this turns out to be.They agreed that I would be a good placement for the girls and they gave their approval. Next court is civil court and that will makes it legal. I'm hoping I don't have to wait too long for that court date.This morning I am packing up and wrapping gifts for my attorney and facilitator. They more than earned their money. They had to drive me to two different orphanages both a good distance from the city and then with Myia needing to go back to the hospital twice during the two weeks - and it was a good 40 minutes from the city....and then they had to deal with the big Mama baby who has cried the last two times they've seen me...whew! I'll be lucky if they let me come back!!! LOLThe challenge in going home is not the flights to the States. The challenge is can I get from the airport to my house. Western WA has been hit with the coldest temperatures in 18 years and at my house there are 5" snow on the ground and the roads are iced over. Tonight is supposed to be 90 ph winds and more snow or ice showers. I might get stuck in the airport in SEATTTLE! Ha! Who would figure you can fly 1/2 way around the world and then get stuck 40 miles from home! Shuttle Express won't make a commitment to get me home! My parents put the studs on my small van and they're going to try to come and get me. Please pray for their safety!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

My dear RR friends. I got an inconsistent signal this morning (usually it's fairly reliable at night) long enough to read the comments on my blog to last night's post. I was doing so good until I read all your thoughts and empathy....now I'm crying again and I have court in an hour!Last night I came back to the apartment, had a bowl of soup and laid down on the couch with CNN on - just to be able to hear some English!I fell asleep and woke when Victoria from About A Child called at 9:00. I have to stop here and say that any of you starting the process with that Adoption Agency - especially with Victoria, will not be sorry. She has called me every day since I got here. She reads my blog and has followed along not only with me, but with the attorney and my facilitator/translator, Viktorija. I feel very well cared for by her.After her call I started to feel the loss of the girls again and as I sat on the couch staring without seeing the tv, I felt His arm around my shoulders and I knew it would be ok. So I went to bed. I woke up at 5:30 like I always do and had that same feeling of peace until I read your comments. I so appreciate your support and empathy. Most people in my world don't understand why I had to do this. But I think they will all get it when they see these wonderful little girls.And Lisa, I especially wanted to say, Yes, you're next coming here to get Little Dina. You will love the place and the people. and you will get through taking her back to the orphanage and then leaving. I think what's helped me is all the years of foster care and having to give back the children that have lived with me for several years. I know it's all part of the plan. This was harder, because I know these are my daughters and I want them with me.And yes, I am single, and that does at some times make it more difficult, but I have the greatest Partner ever. He is with me whenever I need Him. When I was a little girl, the nuns would tell us to save a space next to us for our guardian angel. Now, I don't need an angel, because I have Him. And now I need Him to help me pull it all back together so I can go to court! Thanks again for all the love and support. I leave tomorrow to go home. "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..."

The first is patience, the second is letting go. God has certainly tested me on both of these charactieristics during this adoption journey.The girls are back at their orphanages.First it was Molly Jane. When I handed her back to the worker I wasn't sure I could walk out. Big sobs started deep in my chest. I kissed her hand and she was gone. I have the most wonderful attorney. He really understands what it feels like to walk away from a child. He put his arms around me in the hall. Such a kind man.The orphanage was very clean and I got to see her play room where her groupa is. There were no other kids, but there were 4 workers who came to greet her. None of them spoke English, but they were very happy to see her.Myia went in to Molly Janes' orphanage with us and she wanted to stay and play on the toys and she started to cuy when we left. But what was so amazing is that she laid like a baby in my arms all the way to her orphanage about 45 minutes. It was almost like she knew what was coming next.It was so much easier leaving her because when we drove up to her orphanage she got very excited. It was a beautiful old ski lodge! It had an incredible wood staircase that curved down into the foyer. And a huge brick fireplace. She went willingly with the worker up the stairs and when she got to the landing she waved, "ata" goodbye. Now I'm back at this apartment and it is eerily quiet. Molly Jane's hat was lying on the table. I will see her social worker in the mornng at court and give it to her. Myia's cup of apple juice was in the refrigerator half gone. The baby spoon was in the sink from lunch. I want to go home. I want to see my other kids. And now here's where the patience comes back into practive....I don't know when the next visit will be. I won't know tomorrow at court, they'll e-mail me when they get a date. This is sort of like when my son was born and he had to stay in intensive care for a month. We lived on an island in Puget Sound and he was in a hospital in Seattle. It might as well have been half way around the world. And his big sister, who was 20 months old, was at home. So when I was with him, I had to leave her, when I was with her, I couldn't be with him. And so it goes...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Tonight I'm packing the girls' belongings. They go back to the orphanages tomorrow afternoon. They're going back with a lot more than they came with. The clothes I had brought for E and N will be going with them to the orphanage, along with the toys I brought to entertain them and the extra diapers and wipes. It feels so sad to have their little socks hanging on the radiator tonight. Myia just won't go to sleep. I think she gets it that somethings happeneing. There's still snow on the ground. About an inch. It's supposed to snow more tonight.

I know I signed up for this process, but this part sure seems cruel. I loved having them here at the apartment for the two weeks, and I knew this was the plan, but now that I have little faces and little hearts right here, it sure is going to be hard to walk away.

My kids at home are having a snow day. School is closed. I love to watch them outside in the snow. I hope there's some left when I get home on Sunday. And then in four days it will be Christmas. I am so not ready.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I'm on the window sill with the computer up against the window...And it's snowing! it just started about 20 minutes ago. I wondered if I was going to be getting a signal tonight. I wonder if it has to do with the snow. i still don't understand how any of this computer stuff happens.Today was the final meeting with the social worker. We're old freinds now. She brought a collegue with her. Myia was adorable, putting on the woman's shoes and trying to get into her purse.Even Molly Jane was perky for her and was "showing off" her babbling, clapping and waving. She's learned so much in just these two weeks.So tomorrow is my last full day with them. Thursday they go back to the orphanage and then Friday morning is orphan court where I go and petition the courst to adopt these two sweeties. The social worker says it will be a good report from her. I'm not surprised, but i am relieved.I changed my flight again, I was able to get a non stop from Frankfurt. I still won't be home until Sunday but I'll get home around 1pm instead of 9pm so that's worth the little bit of extra money it cost to change the flight. ($50 - yeah Golden Rule Travel!!!)

Monday, December 15, 2008

Cindi, thanks for sharing your dream and how God worked in your life to prepare you. Isn't it amazing!!! He has such wonderful plans for all of us if we would just trust Him.My littlest one here has a few problems that I haven't shared yet, as I am waiting for a response from our pediatrician. God prepared me by having some foster children move into my home and gave me practice for what was to come. Had He not prepared me, I would have had to say no to her and miss out on this amazing baby. As it is I have an amazing peace about the future with her even if it isn't a long future. But then, how can we predict the time each of us has? I can see in her eyes that I am the best thing that's happened to her. She is already such a mama's girl and I'm so blessed with the peace I feel about her issues.Thank you for sharing your experience...people would call these things coincidence, but all I need to do is look back over my life and see that it was a carefully laid out plan!!! Hugs! - Linda

It's almost time to leave and there's a big part of me that still can't believe I'm actually here. I waited so long for this to happen. This journey started a year ago. December 30. It's so much easier looking back to see what His plan was for me. There's so many little things about this plan that if I tried to explain them, they wouldn't seem meaningful to anyone but me. But I get it now. I see why I needed to just have faith and come here and let Him show me which children are mine. It's like that reoccuring dream, Mom, that I told you about. Where I've just had a baby, and I'm getting discharged from the hospital and I'm told to go get my baby. There's a moving ramp that I stand on and all these bassinets are lined up. The "rule" is once you've moved past a baby you can't go back and get them. I'm terrified as I get onto the ramp that I won't recognize my baby. And I'm equally terrified that if I don't grab one, I'll go home without one. I've had that dream several times a year since before my first child was born 32 years ago. Well, I felt like I was living that dream as I came through this journey. I didn't know which child was mine. I thought it was Margarita and Katarina, but the ramp just took me on past. I just had to trust that God would bring me to my babies before the line up ended. And He did.After 10 days of living with Myia and Molly I feel like we've always been together. Myia can read me like a book. It's so amazing how much she understands and with several things stacked against her being able to...her DS, the language issue to say nothing of just being 5 years old.Today I took the girls a couple blocks away and bought Myia a pair of shoes. It was hilarious. First off, she doesn't know a stranger and the folks here don't smile at anyone, let alone a child with DS! But she wasn't discouraged she waved and babbled at length to everyone in the shoe store. She was so excited when she tried on the shoes! Then she wouldn't take them off and the woman who was helping us couldn't speak any English so she was trying to tell me that we needed to put the shoes back in the box and I was asking her if she could just wear them and Myia was bolting for the door in her new shoes. Finally the woman just gave up and tried to come at Myia with a pair of scissors to cut the tag off. Well, Myia must have thought she meant surgery, because she started to howl. The woman finally handed me the scissors so I could cut off the tags. I had to figure out a way to redirect Myia from bolting out the door so I gave her the bag and put her old boots in it. One of her favorite things to do is put everything she can in a bag and carry stuff to another corner of the apartment and then dump it out. She then puts them back in one by one and repeats te process. So the old boots in a bag worked fine and she was busy folding over the top of the bag and straightening out the boots inside so they lay just so. I think she walked taller heading back to the apartment in those new shoes, with her bag dragging behind her. When we got home she started a new game. Put the new shoes on, put on a hat, a scarf and tap me on the shoulder "ata" (goodbye) and then she would go into the bedroom and sing and then go back to the entry take everything off, fold it up, put it away and then put everything back on again.There's a Christmas tree in our courtyard. It has shiny ornaments on it and at night they turn on the lights. She's happy to go with me now out to the garbage can so she can see the tree. She walks around it and says "oooohhhh" like it's the first time she's seen it. The social worker comes for her last visit tomorrow at 3:30. This time I get to know when she's coming. I have no qualms that she will support this adoption. You'd have to be blind to not see that the three of us were meant to be together. it's like they've always been here.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Today I took the girls for a walk. Myia did really good hanging onto the stroller and staying right next to me. We only went two blocks because it was so cold. It really helped getting some fresh air though. I'm going to take them out again tomorrow and buy Myia some shoes. She only has a pair of boots that the hospital gave her. The orphanage had sent her to the hospital in sandals and they hospital kept the sandals and gave her the boots. Hopefully if i buy her some shoes they'll let her keep them until I can come and get her. I caught my landlord out in the court yard and told her I would need to stay for another day and she was fine with that. She'll stop by tomorrow to get the rent for one more day. It's kind of funny, but the money here feels like play money. Like I could spend it all and not be out anything. I know that's not true, But it just doesn't seem like money.It's only 6 pm and both girls are asleep. After dinner i put their pj's on them and we sat down to flip channels on the tv and they noth just about fell asleep on the couch so I brought them in here to the bedroom and they both went to sleep. I'll probably pay for this quiet evening tomorrow morning, but it seems like a good trade off right now.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The days are blurring into each other. I have to keep figuring out what day it is.We have a routine going and it works well for all of us. I'm up at my usual 5-6am but the girls sleep until around 7-8 which is perfect for when they come home. From 5-7am there is an old movie on TMC whcih is only on in the middle of the night. And it's in English! At 7am it becomes a Russian channel and I'm back to only having CNN in English.At home the kids get dressed before they come to the table for breakfast, but with these girlsI feed them first because Myia is always very hungry in the mroning. She makes anxious noises until I put the food on the table in front of her. This morning it was scrambled eggs. I fix their breakfast and sit with Myia while she eats. I put Molly in the stroller since there's no high chair and feed her. Then after breakfast I wash dishes (no dishwasher - I'm so spoiled) and then get them dressed. Then it's time for the laundry which takes all morning even though it's only one load. It's the tiniest front loading machine I've ever seen. it basically holds a days worth of clothes for the three of us and that's it. One night Myia's diaper leaked and I had to wash sheets - that's all that fit into the machine - two sheets. Then because there's no dryier and very little room to hang clothes, I take down the clothes that I washed the day before and hang up today's. They're stiff from drying over the radiator. (wow am I spoiled.) The water here turns every thing grey - note to myself to not bring anything white next trip) Then it's playtime for all three of us. Usually I read through the books I've brought for Myia and she's starting to understand the pictures. She's pointing to the ones she likes - the cow is best. She's starting to say "What's that?" although it sounds like "whas zat?" I'm doing joint compressions with Molly and wish I had brought the brush for brushing her, but I'll start that once I have her home. By 11:30 it's time to start lunch which for them it's the big meal of the day. I'm trying to follow their orphanage schedule so they don't get too far out of their routine. Today we had spanish rice and something called biezpiens. It's sort of like cottage cheese/sour cream with chives in it. It was good. Molly had baby food...the social worker read the labels for me so I could be sure there was no milk in them. When I bought them at the grocery store I just went by the pictures on the labels because I don't undersand the words, but when I found out about her milk allergy I got worried about feeding her the commercial baby food because I couldn't read it. Today she had rabbit. When the social worker read that to me I could feel myself shudder...that's not a meat that our family is used to. But I guess they have it a lot here.After lunch it's more dishes and then naptime for them. I have to sit in the bedroom with Myia. for the first few days when it was nap time I was so tired from the jet lag that I would lay down with them and sleep.. Now that I'm not needing the nap, Myia has discovered all the interesting things in the drawers and if I'm not right with her she's into everything. For example, she found my glasses and broke the stem right off. So needless to say, I sit in the bedroom now just until she's asleep. That's my time to read or play on the computer. I don't always get a signal in the middle of the day, but occasionally I do. I feel so blessed that there's some unsecured signals that I can pretty much count on that come at night.After nap time I've been taking them out into the "square" (the area in between the buildings.) It's really a parking lot, but there's usually only a few cars parked here and Myia loves to chase the pigeons.Then we go back in and have snack. And then it's "free time" that's what the orphanage calls it. I call it watch CNN time and see if I can find out what's happening in the rest of the world. Then it's bath's another snack and bedtime by 8pm. And again for the first week I was going to bed when they did. Now I'm managing to get an hour of reading or Spider Solitare in before I go to bed.A week from today I'll be back on the plane heading for home. I can't wait to see my other set of kids!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Don't know how I skipped posting for yesterday.Myia came back from the hospital with a "clean" bill of health. They want to see her back there in February. They didn't send any medicine with her. Just a note to use saline drops in her nose. She hates that too. She was very happy to be back here. She gave me a big hug at the door and then started babbling like she was telling me all that went on since Tuesday night.Victoria's friend, John, brought over a crib for Molly Jane. He was very nice and really enjoyed the girls. It was the first time he had seen a child with Down Syndrome and he kept commenting on how they are just like other children! Spread the word, John.Today the social worker came at 10am. I had no warning, so I was glad the girls were clean and dressed and the dishes were done! She told me she had never worked with kids with DS before and she was really pleased to see how happy and bonded they were. She asked me if I was going to take them home next week! What?! Can I??? She said, she thought I could. But I checked with Bruno and that's only for the French families who come here, because they are part of the European Union. The United States is not. It was fun thinking about it for a few hours though.Then this afternoon the housekeeper came. When she saw the girls I thought she was going to cry. She THANKED me for taking these girls. It turns out she is a teacher at the high school. She teachers Home Ec. She was down on the floor wiht the girls singing Latvian songs to them. She said that she knows her country is not ready to have these children out in the community, but that she heard there are so many opportunities for them in America. She was very sweet. It was nice to see that there are people here who can see our kids as worthy of a home and a family.I'm ready to go home. I know I want these girls. I feel sure that the social worker's report will be a reccomendation to let me adopt them. I just want to go home. Everyday I dread giveing the girls back, but I know it's inevitable and I want to go home and see my other kids. It's really too cold to take the girls outside and there's not much to do here.Oh, Myia likes Barney! I had brought a DVD with Barney to show her. I figured since Barney is a staple at home, I might as well introduce him to her here. She sat and watched the whole DVD and danced when he sang. It was very cute.12 days until Christmas. Today is the 47th birthday of Noelle, the first foster baby our family had when I was 10 years old. Happy Birthday Noelle....

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Wow, doesn't that sound impressive? My whole life I've heard news about the US Embassy in this country or that and today I went in to the US Embassy in this country. The woman there is one that I wrote to way back in April when I first learned that I had to change countires.I was able to talk with her about the issue with my home study and the I-800 having the wrong ages listed if I want to adopt Molly Jane, Yes, it means more paperwork. I have to get the homestudy updated with the social worker okaying me having a child under two and then the US government department of Homeland Security needs to ok it too. It's just a couple of months - she'll be two in May, but it must all be accurate so I'll do it. Then she gave me two more packets of paperwork that need to be filled out prior to taking the girls home on the third trip. - Yes, I did say third trip. She says that my attorney can certainly request they waive the 20 day waiting period, and the embassy does support that, but they have asked before - in fact they have formally requested that it be changed, but they feel they need it to protect everyone. It's the waiting period that someone could appeal the adoption. Like a family member. Myia does have a grandmother that visits her, but she had already formally asked if she would raise her and she said no, so the gov't terminated the mother's rights. I suppose it's possible that the grandmother could appeal it, but I doubt it. If she is like most other grandmothers here she is probably not financially able to adequately care for herself let alone a special needs child.I took Molly Jane for a walk yesterday. It was 32 degrees, but not raining or snowing and I wanted to see her reaction. I bundled her up (to the point that when we got home the only part of her that wasn't toasty warm was the tip of her nose.) We walked for an hour up and down one of the streets near my apartment. I had hoped to visit St. Gertrudes' church - I saw it on the map, but the map doesn't have all the streets listed - just the main ones, so I think it was a lot farther than we walked. On the way back when we were about one block from the apartment she started to cry, sad, moaning kind of cry. When I got her back to the apartment and unpealed all the layers, she put her head on my shoulder and went to sleep. I guess she had enough city noises.She is slow to trust. She is just now showing me what she knows and she's playing "games"like covering my eyes for peek a boo, and clapping and her little laugh and giggle! Oh my! This one totally has me. And she now is looking me in the eye and holding my gaze which makes me feel so much better. I think she is just a very cautious personality.Myia, this separation was good for me...I really miss her. She has some of those orphanage induced rituals - like rocking. She rocks with her legs straight out and she bends at the waist and has this rythmic verbal pattern that she does when she rocks and she grunts with the same throaty growl that Coleen has still to this day. Oh, but little Myia's laugh and sense of humor is so endearing. I'm really looking forward to her being "home" again. I was not unhappy about having one on one time with Molly Jane. Myia is jealous of the cuddling I do with Molly even though she isn't comfortable with it, so I was looking forward to having time to just snuggle with Molly. But I miss Myia, so I'm ready for her to come back.Tomorrow (Thursday) Myia comes home from the hospital. I hope I get some news about what they found. But I know that even in the States, it takes days before this doctor or that reads the xrays and writes their report. Molly Jane's crib will come tomorrow too. I think it's cute with her sleeping in the suitcase, but it will be nice for her to be able to stretch out more. She sure doesn't seem to mind the suitcase!It's 34 degrees right now at 9:11 pm. I hope it doesn't snow tomorrow so the roads are clear when the translator goes to get Myia. - Linda

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Hi Shirely! You must be so proud of Liz! I know I am of Charlie! It's such a blessing to me that they volunteered to stay with the kids while I was gone. I feel so confident with them there!

Tonight I had to practice saying goodbye to Myia. She had to go back to the hospital because tomorrow they're going to do a bronchioscopy and check out her lungs. They needed to have her there tonight so they can sedate her right away in the morning. She is learning so fast! She now can say, "Please, thank you, more and bye bye and Myia and no" (don't they always learn that one fast?!. IN ENGLISH! She didn't really even have any discernable words in her own language! She's pretty amazing. Yesterday she had to go to the hospital and get checked. The doctor that saw her, came into the room with such an attitude! She didn't like the idea that I wanted to adopt this child. "You know what about Syndrome Down?" (She knew some English) Luckily my attorney was with me to help us both with tranlations. By the time we left, she was smiling and had totally changed her tune. The final smile on her face was when she asked me "where in United States you live?' When I told her that I live about 20 minutes from Seattle Washington she was glowing. It seems her Uncle moved to Seattle from this country and she has been there. "You know Hospital Childrens?" I told her that all my kids receive care there. She was glowing. One more victory in the battle to get our kids with DS into families!Yesterday the social worker came for her first visit. She was one of the women who was at the Orphan Court Hearing.( I thought she was one of the judges, or jury or board of directors or something. She is so nice. The girls were sleeping when she got here. (I only had 20 minutes notice that she was coming) but she said let them sleep. She spent about an hour asking me what I did with them during the day and what I was feeding them and did I feel capable of handling the language issue. I told her there is no language issue with the baby and Myia is handling the language issue between us! Before she left the girls woke up and came out. This social worker is the first person on this journey that I felt that understood that I love these girls not only in spite of the Down Syndrome, but also because of the Down Syndrome. The only negative thing that came out of it is that she doesn't like the baby sleeping in my suitcase! Ha! and here I thought I was so creative! She asked Bruno to find me a baby bed. Victoria was put on that task and we should have one in the next day. I woke up this morning to snow! It was so beautiful. But the people over here are so worried about children getting cold, I decided to not even show Myia. I wasn't sure if she has ever been out in it and I would have loved for her to have that experience, but there's always next year at home.Molly Jane (I've taken to calling her Molly Jana "Molly Yawna" Yawna is how her name is pronounced here) I kind of like it. But for her birth certificate I think Molly Jane will be less confusing once she's back home. She has really come to life today. She is babbling and smiling and even laughing out loud. She is touching my face and my hair and really starting to figure out that I'm someone to reckon with! lol. I just can't imagine leaving them in less that two weeks. This is such a good process having to live with them, but then they should just let us have court and then do the Embassy Dr. and all and let me take them home. This is going to be so hard on all of us to be together for two weeks and then not see them for a month or 6 weeks.There is a family here from France that is adopting a boy that is 6 and a girl that is 8, healthy typically developing) They can't speak any English and I didn't remember that I knew a few French words until last night the dad came to my door and brought me a nice jacket that he pantomimed was too small for his kids and he motioned to Myia that he was giving it to her. Suddenly out of my mouth came, "Merci" That surpirsed us both! Then tonight he just knocked again and brought me an arm load of food. They leave tomorrow. I had gathered a few things I had brought thinking I was getting the older girls, some color crayons and tablets and some punching balls, and had bagged them up to give to them when I saw them next, so I gave them to him for his kids and he kissed me on both cheeks - just like in the movies! Actually, the orphanage director at Molly's orphanage did that when I left with her too...so continental!This whole thing has been such an amazing experience for me. Going through customs, being in a foreign country - at least two of them. Getting left at the Frankfurt airport and then having to get new flights, getting dropped of in Berlin - oh so foreign. Then living here with no one I know any closer than half was around the world. I'm really blessed to have had this opportunity...and I'm done now. I'd like to take my new babies and go home. I'm all done with being a jet setter. I can totally commit to these two girls and I'd like to have my life back now. 10 more days with the girls and then back on the airplane. I guess I can make it.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Just read through the comments over the past few days.Thanks to all for the wonderfully supportive comments. I'm really happy and yet so tearfully homesick for my other kids.Myia is pronounced "my -a" It's actually spelled Mija in her language, but they J is pronounced Y in her language so I changed the spelling. It's said the same though.Julie, thank you for the offer, but I think we should skip the Holiday party for the kids. I think it would be just too much for everyone. I'm sorry, I really hoped we'd be there.

I just talked with all my kids via video call on the computer. It's very cool. how does that work? it's so amazing. Jacob wanted to know if I was coming home at "5:00."Another boisterous day with Myia. She just never runs down. She now knows the sign language signs for more, please, thank you, eat and all done (or all gone). She's starting to approximate English words too. I will point to something and say, "what's that?" and she will point and say "what's that?" fairly clearly. She also is saying "more" when she signs it. She seems to understand most of what I say to her. It's pretty amazing. Since I'm listening to her language via the attorney and the translator and people in stores and I'm not picking her language up!Tomorrow the attorney will come over in the morning so we can take her back to the hospital for another "treatment". I'm not sure what it is. I'm hoping they'll let me watch so I can understand what it's all about. I was thinking it was asthma, but I have my stethescope and I'm not hearing any strider or wheezing so I'm not sure what they are going to do. It sounded like maybe it will be some kind of physical therapy with a ball. Hm-m well see. It's hard for my translator to understand the medical and developmental issues.Molly Jane is really coming alive. I think she was just totally confused the first night. She is pusing herself to a propped sit and she is scooting with one leg all over the apartment. She kind of does a modified combat crawl. She's very quiet, but after her nap before I got her up she was babbling really nicely. She's just a very docile and somber personality. VERY OPPOSITE of Myia!Here's a potential glitch for the worriers out there. My homestudy and my USCIS form says I'm approved for two children ages 2-10. Never thinking, of course, that I would get anyone under two. So we're going to make a stop at the US Embassy tomorrow after the hospital and ask if there's going to be a problem or do I need to resubmit MORE paperwork. The attorney seems to think it will be March before I get the girls home:-((( Well, I've waited this long for them, I'll wait some more. Very disappointing though.Sandy, I've had to move my return flight home. I won't be home on the 19th like I thought. I leave here on Saturday 20 thand get home Sunday nightthe 21st. I had to move the flight because it took so long to get the girls. I had to have two full weeks with them. Would you check with Charlie and Liz and see if they want you to find someone for that weekend? Maybe Amy or Jessica or Julie might too. It's up to them, but I'm sure they're going to be tired. They had Makayla there this weekend too. Thank you for checking with them. Today I watched High School Musical three on tv and it was in English! They had the Russian written below. Still the only reliable channel in English is CNN. Once in awhile there's a soccer or skiing program in English. They have Discovery and Animal Planet and Cartoon Network but they have it dubbed so you really can't follow it. There was a show on about The Beatles. I watched it anyway, even though I couldn't understand it just to see the old footage. Most of it I hadn't seen because it was when they were touring over here in Germany, etc.Hoping tomorrow goes smoothly for Myia. today I tried to put her coat on her to walk to the garbage can with me and she wouldn't put it on. She kept saying "Ne ata" (no bye bye) so I stood her at the window where she could see me while I ran outside to the garbage container. I think that was a good sign that she didn't want to leave. Hopefully she'll go quietly tomorrow. i don't want her screaming as I'm trying to put her in the car they'll think I'm kidnapping her! Where's that Embassy number just in case! :0)

Tammy and Lori, Thanks so much for getting the word to Dolores. I am so happy for her, I can't stop thinking about her and Little Lucy Noel! How wonderful! Tammy, my coffee buddy, thanks for keeping the pot going while I'm gone. I'm telling you the jet lag has lingered all week. Good thing I promised the Orphanages that I would follow their routine which means the girls get a nap after lunch and I've been laying down with them and have slept both afternoons! I'll probably just get used to the time change about the time I head back! These girls are a wonderful Christmas gift, I just wish I could take them home when I leave here on the 2oth. Hopefully court will be in January sometime and I can come right back! My attorney was telling me about a new change that could shorten the last trip here. It seems the US is waiving the girls need to have a visa. That would eliminate about a weeks wait in country! That would be great. He says we'll stop in at the embassy and talk to them about it. I sure hope so.Thanks again to you both for alerting Dolores! hugs, Linda

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Oh my friend! How wonderful! I wish I could e-mail you direct, but can't send e-mails! Lucy Noel! She is absolutely precious and who would have guessed, my friend that a couple of ol' ladies like us would end up with another baby!!! Isn't our God awesome!!!?? I couldn't be happier for you -how perfect. I think back to our e-mails off list this summer about how we were wondering what God was up to with us! Now we both know!!!! Love and hugs to you! RR friends, would someone e-mail Dolores and let her know I have this message here for her. I'm sure she has her hands to full to be following my blog!!! What an awesome God!!! When He puts it in your heart - He delivers!!!!

First off, thanks again to Sandy and to Jessica for the e-mails. I can't respond, but so love to hear updates from home! Sandy, why do you thing Julia was crying? Ha! I knew Katie would be upset about the clothes. She helped me pack for the girls and we were expecting 2 seven year olds! So the clothes are big on the biggest girl, Myia, but workable - good thing, because her orphanage didn't let me borrow anything except what she was wearing that day plus coat hat and boots. The little one, Molly is wearing a size 6-9 months and the smallest clothes Katie and I packed were size 4T! But the social worker at her orphanage is a sweetheart and she loaned me plenty of clothes and a stroller! (I had to leave mine at the airline gate or pay $200!) Margaret, it's a good thing I didn't take yours!!!And thanks too, John for showing mom the blog. Wish she wasn't so afraid of computers! She's missing so much.Jessica, she is not the Molly on the RR page, although I was in love with that Molly too, which is why I showed you her picture. She's in a different countyr that I'm too old and too single and have too many kids to adopt there. But this Molly was on there for a few days with a very blurry picture, because of the country I'm in not allowing pictures, but she was listed as Missy. Funny, Katie was called Missy before I could change her name! Have Charlie show you pictures. He took some of the girls from the instant messaging video call we did today.So first night and day with the girls...both went to bed without much fuss. Myia slept in bed with me and Molly slept in the suitcase. (Jesse asked me tonight if she could unzip it by herself! I said, no, I didn't close the lid! Ha! Only a 6 year old would think of that!)Molly woke up at 2am with a fever - luckily I had baby Tylenol with me. She's getting both back molars and her gums were really inflamed. I gave her some applesauce too because I can't get her to take liquids. She won't take the bottle I have and she has no idea what to do with the cup. I've been spoon feeding her milk and water and she takes if fine that way. She went right back to sleep and they both woke up around 7am. I played possum for awhile to see what Myia would do unsupervised and she stayed in bed! She just sat up next to me and babbled and patted my head, and sang songs and played with her fingers. She passed my test within 20 minutes so I "woke up" and as soon as I sat up she was off the bed. She's like a little tornado! She just flies through the apartment. She's so easy to entertain. She is playing with empty yogurt containers, the pots and pans and a paper bag that she puts everything into, carries it around the apartment and then stops and takes it all out again. She's into evrything, but if I say "Ne, Ne" (no no) she stops! She feeds herself and is signing More with no prompting. She takes her dishes over to the counter. She started to take her spoon and bowl at the same time and then she stopped and put the spoon back onto the table, took her bowl over and then went back for the spoon! Someone is teaching her good skills! She also likes to take my shoes and her boots and line them up at different places around the apartment. What a funny little girl. She is not potty trained, but at my house that's not an issue. (my girls call it the house of pee and poop, because there's always been so many in pull ups). She likes getting her hair combed and her bath time was a kick! She saw me getting the little tub ready and she was so excited. There's only a shower here, but there was a little plastic pan like a dish pan and I used that. I put baby bath in it to make bubbles. I got her undressed and she got in and immediately started washing herself! Then she started splashing and playing. She was so happy! I have some great pictures of her sitting in the tub. Good thing our DS kids are so flexible a typical kid couldn't have folded themselves into it.She's been very sweet to Molly. She brings her toys and sometimes she stops what she's doing and bends over with her bottom in the air and babbles at the baby like she's asking her if she wants to come play. No aggression towards her at all. She has hit me a few times, but it's usually when she's really excited like when we played with the bubbles she was pretty excited and next thing I knew she hit my arm. She did it 2-3 times more. it doesn't seem to be agression but more that she's excited and just lets loose.She's lying on the bed right now (I'm in here too leaning over the radiator holding up the computer on the window sill so I can get a signal.) and she's pulling the cord on the little bear I bought each of them that play's Brahm's lullaby. over and over. She's starting to yawn though.Molly's fever was gone this morning and she was much more active than last night. She ate the Gerber Rice cereal and some baby plums. She has a very immature manipulation of the food in her mouth. Part of It comes right back out when she takes a bite. My feeding therapist is going to have fun with this one! But she has a good appetite. She sucks on her ring finger and middle finger but when the spoon starts coming toward her she pulls it out. I put her on a blanket on the floor for some tummy time and she rolled over and pushed herself to a propped sit! Then later she impressed me with her ability to get up on all fours and rock. She's not crawling but she has the strength and postion good. One thing I'm worried about is she is not weight bearing - at all. She just folds when your hold her up to stand. Good thing we have terrific therapists that we can get started with when we get home.Molly is a snuggle bug. She would let me hold her all day, which I was tempted to do, but I also wanted to spend time with Myia. Myia likes to give kisses and she likes tickle games, but she is showing some definate signs of attachment disorder, as is Molly, she won't look in my eyes for more than a few seconds and then she looks away. I fully expected it with any kids I get whether there from here or foster care. It's pretty hard to find a child who is securely attached in an orphanage or in foster care. Molly's fever is back up tonight, so I gave her some more Tylenol and she's already cooler.I'd really like to take them outside tomorrow before we all get cabin fever, but it's really windy and cold. It snowed on the way to pick them up Friday evening. Didn't accumulate, just covered the grass. Today it didn't rain or snow, but it was cold enough to snow.Both girls are asleep and I'm no fool, I sleep when my kids sleep - I even took a nap today when they did and I slept! I never sleep during the day even when I'm sick. But it just felt so good to finally be here and I had talked with Charlie and Liz and so all was well with the world - so I slept!to all the prayer requests on RR, I've heard you and I'm praying. I'm sorry for all the delays, the plans and dreams that aren't going to happen/ Just don't give up. I thought my chance was over last April and here just 8 months later I'm here with my kids. Not the ones I had originally intended, but these are the ones meant for me. ...Hugs to all, Linda

Friday, December 5, 2008

Hi all,First off, I wish I could respond to e-mails. As I said before I can get them, but can't send any. Very frustrating! Sandy - got your e-mail! Love you, Miss you! I am fine here. no Worries about the neighborhood or not speaking the language. People are helpful although no smiles, although I was warned about that. I'm sure they think I'm a crazy person because I keep forgetting and smiling at everyone I pass on the street. Thank goodness most of them don't even make eye contact!All my RR friends, thank you for the prayers! It really does boost you to be in country and read the comments on the blog and the e-mails. Thanks to all of you! Orphan court was this morning! It went very well. They wanted to know why I only wanted children with special needs. So I gave them my story and they said thank you. Then after the formal proceedings they all told me they thought it was wonderful that there are people who want these children and not just the healthy ones. They were very sweet.So then I had to wait from 9;30 until 2pm to get the girls because of more paperwork that the orphanages have to do. They give me a schedule of when to feed them and when to give them a nap, etc. My kind of people! That helps our kids so much to have that routine!So my translator and I walked around the Central Market while my attorney had some more court appearnaces to make. It was a long time between court and getting the girls!During our walk I noticed an elderly woman sitting on the stairs in the rain holding out a cup, begging. I went over and dropped in the equivelant of 3 dollars and she let out this cry. "Thank you thank you thank you!' It broke my heart! She was literally crying and I didn't understand why, when my translator said that most people drop in about 20 cents. This country is so poor. We were on our way to get lunch and so I bought the woman some bread and a wonderful salad with cabbage and ham and cheese. We went back so I could give it to her but she was gone. (hopefully to get something to eat.) But not far from where she had been was another elderly woman. So I gave the lunch to her. Again, so much gratitude.My translator told me that there are no government programs for the very poor and they have to beg. We walked through another tunnel to some more shops and there were people lined up begging. It was overwhelming.But to the happy news. At two o'clock my attorney picked us up and we went to get, are you ready for this? Molly Jane. Her name is Janu - which translates to Jane, and I've wanted a Molly and she's little enough I feel ok changing her first name. So she will be Molly Jane! She is so tiny - wearing a 6-9 month size clothes and she is 18 months old. She is not sitting up alone, but she sits propped. She is so beautiful! I can't wait to share pictures, but I can't yet!Then we went to the hospital to pick up Myia Bridget (Bridget is for my Grandmother) Her name is Myia and she knows her name so I'll keep it and I like it. She is 5 years old and also tiny for her age, (even for a child with DS). She is wearing a size 3. Both girls have crossed eyes, and I know that can be corrected. Myia has been in the hospital for the past two weeks with asthma (yes, Grandma, more asthma!) and they have been doing some therapy to help her lungs. I'll learn more about that on Monday when she goes back for her final treatment. She has no words yet, but she babbles a lot. The translator listened to her but she couldn't understand any words in her native language. But get this....first meal - I gave her a big bowl of yogurt when she wa s finished I peeled a tangerine and gave her one slice. When she wolfed that down she put out her hand and grunted. I said, "More?" and showed her the sign language sign for it, and then moved her hands for "more". By the end of the tangerine, she was signing more! Then I got a banana and gave her a little piece and then waited to see if she understood that it didn't mean tangerine and you've got it! She signed "more"!!!! She's saying "Mama" too. They had practiced it with her at the hospital. Although I don't think she knows what it means yet. Right now I am 5 feet away from Myia, who is sleeping in my bed (with chairs backed up to her side to make it so she can't roll off) and Molly who is sleeping in a make-shift crib, made out of my suitcase!!!! Her little bottom is up in the air and she's sucking on two fingers! And Mom! Guess what? Myia chews on her finger just the way Jacob does! And in her sleep she sucks her tongue, just like Jacob does. I tell you I am in Down Syndrome Heaven right now!!!All you RR moms who are doing the paperwork and getting notices for more and more changes, and you're sweating the financial part and you're wondering if you'll ever get that travel date?? DON"T WORRY! It is so worth the wait and the heartache. I still wish it was Katarina and Margarita, and I'll probably never stop wishing they could have come home, but God did not disappoint me! He gave me two girls that are so much more than I ever imagined! So that's day one with Molly and Myia! How will I ever be able to give them back to the orphanage in two weeks? I don't know. Love to all!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Today was a whole day of waiting.. The attorney had to prepare and submit paperwork to the Orphan Court and there was nothing for me to do in regards to the process.

I was able to connect via webcam with Charlie and Liz and because Jonathan had a hard day, *I know mom's not coming back" I asked them to get him up so I could talk to him.

But then I lost my signal. I don't seem to be able to get a signal during the day here, but here I am again with a weak signal, so I'm going to try to keep posting.

So with nothing to do, I headed out on my own today to do some sight seeing.And I'm so glad to have this opportunity because once the girls come to the apartment I won't be going far with them. It is so cold - not

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I just wanted to thank my Reece's Rainbow friends for your supportive comments on my blog and the e-mails. For some reason Outlook won't let me send, but I am receiving. Thanks for your support. Our God is not letting me down. These two girls are so precious and I will be so proud to be their mom. But I still have to get home before Christmas and get the social workers here who will visit me to support my adoption. So please keep praying! Thank you. I treasure your friendship. - Linda

Just got back from meeting little girl #2. But I will bring you up to date with what is going on right now.First off it seems I can only get a signal at night here which means it's morning and rush time at home. Maybe I can try to use the web cam Saturday night which means it would be Saturday morning at home.I am in my apartment in the bedroom with the laptop on the window sill with the blinds pulled up and leaning over the hot radiator to be able to type. It's the only way/time I get a signal in my room! I'm sure it looks comical from outside my window! What is the crazy American doing hanging onto the computer up against the window?!Sunday I left the house at 10:30. Getting into the shuttle express van was one of the hardest things I've had to do. My children were standing on the porch waving goodbye. It makes me cry just typing about it. Lucky for me the van driver was a young woman with a special needs child, which she told me before we were out of the driveway. So all the way to the airport she distracted me with questions about therapy and her sons challenges.The first thing that I found out when I got to the airport was that my bags were overweight. They had a scale sitting there as you get in line so I weighed my bags...one was over by 4 pounds the other 3 pounds. So I shifted things into my carry on bag, which was already too heavy, but i was determined to take everything with me. When I got to the window I was met with another surpirse, they would not let me carry on the strollers without a baby. It would cost $200 to check them in so I left them there. They were nice enough to put them in the "cage" and I can get them when I come back.On the plane it was very nice, but very crowded. I sat between two young men who said hello and goodbye and that was all they said for the whole 10 hours. That was nice. They had movies on the plane and I got to watch "Mama Mia". I didn't sleep the whole time because I was going between being so sad to leave my kids and worried about my connecting flight since we were an hour late leaving the gate because of fog and a computer problem.Sure enough when I got to Frankfurt my connecting flight had left. So I went to three ticket counters before someone could help me., Just in time - got ticket changed to Berlin and then on to my girls. But I didn' thave a phone number for the people who were to meet me at the airport and I was now going to be almost 4 hours late. Luckily they figured out what happened and met me at the later flight.They took me immediately to my apartment even though it was only 7pm all I wanted to do was sleep.Tuesday morning the facilitator/translator , Victoria came over and took me to get my money exchanged and get some groceries. Also the landlord came to collect the rent. $1000 for 18 days. It's a nice apartment. It's on the first level. It has a small kitchen with a stove top, microwave, coffee pot, and toaster. Set of dishes and cooking utensils and a few groceries left over from previous tenants. In the bathroom is a shower, toilet and sink and a wash machine! The bedroom is as bigger than my kid's bedrooms at home and has a bed and wardrobe, dresser and night stands. First day, an ATM machine ate my card. I called the phone number to the bank and they said that probably my bank didn't have an agreement with their bank so they keep the card. But when I was fianlly able to call home this morning Mom called my bank and canceled the card. Good thing I brought enough cash.While Victoria and I were at the bank and the store, the attorney went to the Ministry of Children and Family Affairs and got my referrals - 7 of them.He came back to the apartment and we started looking at where all the children were. The two girls I thought I was going to get, plus two more, were at an orpahange about 30 minutes out of town. The other 3 were scattered. I was under the impression that if I wanted two children they had to be at the same orphanage. The attorney said, not necessarily so. The important factor is where is their court. That needs to be at the same place.I told him that I wanted to go see E and N first and then if for any reason, I changed my mind we could go look at others.He called the orphanage where the girls were to talk to the director and to let them know we were coming. He was on the phone with her for 20 minutes and I couldn't understand anything he said. When he got off he said - "Big problem. Orphanage Director says these girls are very damaged, had lots of problems and that he wouldn't show them to us without a medical doctor who could translate medical information and he didn't know of any that would come out."Attorney said this director doesn't understand why you want such damaged girls and that I must not understand long range issues with girls such as this.Ok God, this must be what I was asking for...lead me to my girls.So attorney called another orphanage director that had one of the other girls. He knows the social worker there very well and he spoke to her about the child at that orphanage. She said, "This is wonderful girl. Very happy and very quiet, but very bright."We went to see her. The orphanage was well lit and clean. We met the social worker and she took us to a visiting room. Very clean and nice with a whole bookcase full of toys.She brought in the little girl and it was love at first sight. She is beautiful and chubby and very interactive. I held her and played a few simple shake-the-toy-like-me games and she responded and smiled. Then when I brought her over where the attorney and translator and Social worker were I was holding her and rubbing her head and she started to fall asleep. What a cuddler! So I said YES and she will come to the apartment on Friday.I learned of another step in the process that I didn't understand. Once I say yes to a child there is a collection of papers that have to go to Orphan court. They read my Dossier and the papers about the child and give their blessing (or not) So those papers go to the court tomorrow, Thursday, and then the court hearing is 10am Friday and then I get to go get her.Then after figuring out the calling card and calling home this morning, Victoria came over here again and we waited for the attorney who had been talking to orphanage directors to find a second child. So this afternoon we went to an orphanage the opposite way from the other orphanage and met another little girl. This one was another keeper! She is older, about 5 and she is walking and talking and very cooperative. She was shy at first and I just stayed away while she held onto the worker's hand. She kept trying to leave the room when she saw other kids in the hall, but when she was asked to stay here, she did. Then I got down on the floor and went over to her. I put out my hand and she took it. I had learned a few words so I tried one on her. I waved bye-bye to the kids in the hall and said "ata" (goodbye) and she smiled and waved and called something to them - probably meant ata, but not clearly. Then she heard a phone ring down the hall and she point to it and did that little sound you make when you are surprised. I imitated her pointing and going "uhhhh" Then I made the sign for telephone and she laughed and smiled. Ok I want this one too!So tomorrow, papers to court, Friday at 10 court hearing and then I go gathermychildren!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

This is a message to my son, Charlie. I can recieve e-mails, but not send them on Outlook. I hope you got the message I sent through Comcast.net. I have a very low signal in the apartment. I am going to try to Instant message you at 7pm tonight (Tuesday) your time. I have no phone ability to call you. But the e-mail I hope that you got has the phone number here. Call me from the house phone if you need me.I'm fine. Not getting the two girls I had hoped to get, but there are others. Political problems with the orphanage. Will explain when I get home. Saw one little girl tonight and said yes! Will go see others tomorrow morning.I had trouble with the flights here - ended up going to Berlin from Frankfurt and then here. Very tired as I was on planes or in airports from Sunday morning to Monday night. With no sleep. Couldn't sleep tooo excited. Slept 9 hours when I got here. Nice apartment, Very nice people helping me. The city is beautiful, and we are so lucky to have all we have and most of us take it for granted. I hope I never do again.This might be the only way I can communicate with you so I hope you remember to check it! give all the kids a hug for me. Please call Grandma and Grandpa and tell them how to access this as it might be the only way I can communicate.I love you! Mom