SMALL ANCHORS

your daughter is beautiful. make her believe it.

PUBLISHED: April 19, 2013

i want her to know. to always know how beautiful she is. i want her to believe it when someone tells her. i want her to feel beautiful even when no one says it. this sweet girl is darling, amazing, interesting, determined, bold, confident… you should see her walk into a room with her cowgirl boots on and her hand on her hip.

spunk. delight.

pure beauty.

i just wanted to share a few things that i have learned in being a momma to this almost-4-year-old girl that has captured my heart, my attention, my time and my energy. that deserves those and so much more.

#1: set the example.

okay mama’s, this first one is the toughest… i promise, the rest are MUCH easier compared to this. but, let’s dive in right here.

think for a second…when someone tells you how pretty your eyes are. how lovely your outfit is. how great your hair is. how beautiful you are.

our first reactions can be: shy, avoidance, a mumble. maybe TOTAL disagreement with the the person complimenting you.

what if we all proudly help up our head a little taller and said, “Thank you!” and offered true thanksgiving and acknowledgment.

what if our daughters saw that and took notice. oh yes, whether we think they take notice or not, they do. we are their role models. they watch us. they tuck in those interactions. then they model our behavior.

#2: TELL HER. just tell her, “you’re so beautiful.”

i love saying to sweet Abigail, “you are SOO beautiful. who made you beautiful?” and she boasts proudly, “GOD DID!” i want her to know that truth. that God designed her. there are no mistakes. He knows her. He knows her outer and inner beauty. He holds that. He owns that. giving Him all the praise for the beauty that she is.

saying it too much DOES NOT reduce it’s meaning. she just gets to hear you say it more. tell her she’s good enough. tell her she’s worth it. tell her how beautiful she is. tell her how lovely her smile is.

focus on the details. her beautiful brown eyes. her darling smile. the little beauty mark. her long fingers and ticklish toes.

#3: teach her manners.

teach her by using your manners. teach her by explaining why. teach her by encouraging. by giving her the confidence to say “thank you” when a door is held open for her, or “please” when asking for something, or “excuse me” before interrupting a conversation will empower her to be bold in her words, strong in her sense and solid in direction.

i pay attention to children speaking because mine so often get overlooked. when children are dismissed by adults they are taught they are not worthy of attention and will act out or remove themselves. teach them manners & encourage conversation with adults so they can begin to change the adults around us! 🙂

#4: spend quality time with her.

we sit together. often. sometimes just painting our fingers & toes. water coloring at the picnic table. talking before nap time. in the car. i love engaging her — she has so much to share, so much she sees, so full of energy and life.

we will never regain time.

i hope she will reminisce someday about the long talks we had. the hours of creating together. the moments we share making dinner side-by-side. smelling fruit and the local market while chatting with other shoppers.

we inevitably feel loved and important to those that spend time with us. i want her to know that i spend time with her because i love her. she’s important. she’s valuable. she’s beautiful to me.

#5: “you are beautiful with or without the extras”

my sweet girl has become a girly-girl overnight. adorning rings, large chunky necklaces from my collection. handbags. headbands. glitter tie knots. oh yes, and my blush brush. as she gently brushes the excess bronzer high on her cheek bones.

with or without her big sparkly dresses. with or without her hair being coiffed. with or without her chunky accessories; she is beautiful. SHE is. not the things that she hangs from her neck or wrists. but that sweet girl underneath the dress-up.

we remove the dress up clothes. wipe off the make-up. put away our dress up things. then relish in the natural beauty that is still there.

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Comments

I love this! My daughter was born at 24 weeks and spent the first 14 months of her life in the hospital. She had to under go so many surgeries and medical procedures so she has many scars on her body. I know how kids and the world can be cruel and can easily tear down people. So I feel one of my goals as her mother is to do this, to get her to know that she’s amazingly beautiful, scars and all. I tell her Jesus has scars and he’s the most beautiful being ever…I love the quote that says “Its easier to build a child up, than to repair an adult” that’s what we need to do.

Aimee-
thanks for the reminders here and spelling it out…I must tell my girls they are so pretty & beautiful 10 times a day, and usually get a chuckle or no response. Then I wonder if they’re hearing me?! Reflecting back I think of my mom-and till this day she has little confidence and hates being in new situations–the two things I do not want my daughters to ever feel. I thank god for my life experiences that have filled the gap for me. I hope to give my daughters the strength to be confident and to fill in my “gaps and insecurities” as a woman and always strive for there best. 🙂 Awesome post every parent should read. 🙂

This brought tears to my eyes. I have three little girls (almost 5, almost 2, and 3 months,) and I feel this pressure to instill in them a very strong sense of self bc I see how much the world wants to change them.

It’s important that our girls hear their strengths. They’ll surely be shown their weaknesses.

yes, the pressure is on. the pressure to raise our girls to not compare themselves with no only their peers but magazines in every check-out aisle, Victoria’s Secret angels, advertisements! let’s battle it now, build the confidence that will be durable to withstand.

i want my daughter to combat comments with truth. respond with dignity and courage. God made her just the way she is and i hope she carries that confidence eternally. 🙂

Such a sweet post, Aimee, and I was thinking about our talk while reading this… bravo to you for CELEBRATING HER!! If only every parent and teacher could celebrate each young child for who they are and how they are, imagine how all the self esteem issues of later years would abate. Imagine the cycle of love and appreciation that could combat bullying in our older children. One can dream, I know, but it has to start somewhere. Good for you, Mom.
Hugs to you ~ xo Heidi

thank you Heidi. i love what you said — to just celebrate her for who she is… i see some more posts in my future as i continue to embrace mothering a girl! 🙂 you are dear to me… so thankful for your words of wisdom. next time i’m calling you the same day i get feedback! 🙂

I have been totally embracing my beauty lately in an attempt to let my girls know it is okay to get older. It has been difficult but soooo worth it. Plus, an added benefit is that it teaches my little guy that a woman is beautiful no matter her age or especially because of her age. And you are correct Aimee, accepting a compliment is difficult for most of us. I am really working on this too.