Post navigation

Dear Taco Bell

Taco Bell chief marketing officer David Ovens has resigned from the company. Mr. Ovens, who has been with Yum since 2007, reportedly resigned for personal reasons and is returning to Australia with his family. Mr. Creed is expected to oversee the company’s marketing function until a replacement for is found.

Perhaps you know me. I write a sports and sandwich blog of minor repute and I am your biggest fan.

I chose my current place of residence in part because of its proximity to a Taco Bell location. I went to Taco Bell on my wedding day, in between the ceremony and reception. I own an autographed copy of Glen Bell’s authorized biography, Taco Titan. I co-founded the Taco Bell Wiki.

I enjoy my current job very much; I cover the baseball team I grew up loving and I have the freedom to write about pretty much anything I want. But I’m willing to give all that up to be Taco Bell’s new Chief Marketing Officer, assuming the position comes with a hefty salary and a boatload of free tacos. A company car would be nice too, but we’ll settle that when we get to the negotiating phase.

And though I lack any sort of marketing experience, I trust you’ll follow the sage advice of my predecessor and Think Outside the BunTM on this one. What exactly does a Chief Marketing Officer do? I have no idea. But I bet it involves telling people about how great Taco Bell is, and so I bet I’d be pretty damn good at it. I believe in your product, Taco Bell.

If I were to be hired as your Chief Marketing Officer, I would implement my Triple-Decker Taco agenda, the following three-tiered plan to further strengthen the Taco Bell brand. The three tiers are: Interactivity, Accountability, and Crunchy Red Strips.

Interactivity: Let’s face it, Taco Bell: They’re onto you. Every savvy taco eater realizes that almost all new Taco Bell menu items come from creating new combinations of ingredients already present on the Taco Bell menu. Let’s put pretense out to pasture and turn taco innovation over to the community.

I’ve presented this idea before but I fear it fell on deaf ears: The Taco Bell website should feature an interface wherein Taco Bell fans can create new menu items out of existing Taco Bell ingredients. Think of it like a paper doll, except instead of putting clothes on a doll we’re putting Lava Sauce on a theoretical Gordita. Then someone with access to a Taco Bell kitchen — specifically me — can test out the most promising suggested Taco Bell creations and select a few to feature in an online poll. Users vote on the best-looking new product, and we serve it for a limited time at participating locations.

That’s Taco Bell 2.0, brother.

We could also poll users on which classic limited-run menu item to bring back. Except we’d have to rig the poll, because I’d really like to try a Bacon Cheeseburger Burrito.

Accountability: Have you ever been to the Taco Bell restaurant in Elmsford, N.Y.? It’s the Worst Taco Bell in the World. Sometimes you have to wait like 20 minutes in the drive-thru line. You could make your own tacos in that much time. Plus, they almost never have the red shells for Volcano Tacos. And heaven forbid you want no tomatoes on your Baja Beef Gordita, it’s practically even money they’ll serve it to you with tomatoes and without Baja Beef.

We can’t have this happen, Taco Bell. Someone needs to hold local franchisees accountable for their restaurants so that every Taco Bell store can operate as efficiently as the ones in Hempstead and Oceanside, N.Y. — fine Taco Bells both. The only way I can think of to ensure quality-of-service across all locations is to have one guy travel the country ordering and eating Taco Bell.

I can be that guy, Taco Bell.

That bell on your logo should mean something. I know it means something to me. We need to make sure it resonates with the melodious ring of cheese-drenched awesomeness, not the discordant clang of a disappointing dining experience.

Crunchy Red Strips:Seriously, Taco Bell, do you have any idea how good the Crunchy Red Strips are? Why are they not in more stuff? They’re the perfect way to add crunchiness to portable menu items, and yet they’re only included in like four things.

Let’s change that. As Chief Marketing Officer, I would see to it that we create more driver-friendly menu items featuring and/or focused around the Crunchy Red Strips. And I’d make sure all Taco Bell employees are trained to add Crunchy Red Strips to any existing menu item (for a small additional charge, of course) in an even and appropriate manner.

Clearly, increased interactivity, accountability and Crunchy Red Strips will help power Taco Bell — all Taco Bells — to the forefront of fast-food dining experiences. This is how we win the franchise wars. I am your destiny, Taco Bell.

I eagerly await your response, Taco Bell. My resume is available upon request.

Like this:

Related

54 thoughts on “Dear Taco Bell”

I’ve been exploring for a little bit for any high-quality articles or weblog posts on this
kind of house . Exploring in Yahoo I eventually stumbled upon this website.
Reading this info So i am satisfied to exhibit that I’ve
an incredibly good uncanny feeling I discovered just what I
needed. I such a lot without a doubt will make certain to don?t disregard this web site and
provides it a look on a relentless basis.

You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find
this topic to be really something that I think I would never
understand. It seems too complicated and
very broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I will
try to get the hang of it!

Hi! I know this is kkinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site?
I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had
problems with hackers and I’m looking att alternatives for another platform.
I would be grest if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

Rolex Sky dweller watches
Hey there! I’ve been following your blog for a long time now and finally got the bravery
to go ahead and give you a shout out from Humble Tx! Just
wanted to say keep up the excellent job!

An intriguing discussion is definitely worth comment. I do
believe that you should publish more on this subject
matter, it might not be a taboo subject but usually people don’t
discuss such topics. To the next! Cheers!!

Excellent items from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are just
extremely magnificent. I actually like what you’ve bought here, certainly like what you are saying and the way through which you
are saying it. You are making it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it wise.

I cant wait to read far more from you. That is actually a tremendous site.

Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a forty
foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views.
I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point.
You clearly know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to
your weblog when you could be giving us something informative
to read?

With havin so much content and articles do you ever
run into any problems of plagorism or copyright
infringement? My site has a lot of completely unique
content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it looks like
a lot of it is popping it up all over the
web without my authorization. Do you know any techniques to
help reduce content from being ripped off? I’d truly appreciate it.

Hi! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this
post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept talking about this.
I will forward this post to him. Pretty sure
he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

Cool blog! Is your theme custom made or did
you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with
a few simple adjustements would really make my blog shine.
Please let me know where you got your design. Appreciate it

It takes proper scientifiic knowledge as well as a little bit oof
artistic creativity to ensure each batch meets the tough standards doo –
TERRA promises. Another method recommends using drying agents ranging from alcohol
too hydrocortisone to nail polish remover to white stick deodorant to hemorhoid cream to thhe
bubblegum pink medication you take for a sour stomach. As soon as skins porres tend to bee blocked, it
traps bacteria inside pores, resulting in the bacfteria growing.

Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I cliced submit my comment didn’t show up.
Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyway, just wanted to say excellent blog!

1 of the most desirable aspects of the Reality about 6 Pack Abs is that it
can be carried out by any person. In addition to that,
the truth about six pack abs programs does not use monotonous
routines like other routines. And don’t think that your body doesn’t need carbs at all.

I’ve been exploring for a bit for any high quality articles or
blog posts on this sort of space . Exploring in Yahoo I finally stumbled upon this web
site. Studying this info So i’m glad to show that I’ve an incredibly excellent uncanny feeling I found
out just what I needed. I such a lot for sure will
make sure to don?t disregard this website and provides it a look regularly.

I’m ttuly enjoying the design and layout of your website.
It’s a very easy on thhe eyes which makes it much more pleasantt for me too come here and visit mmore often. Did you hire
out a developer to create yoir theme? Excellent work!

I’ve been exploring for a bit for any high quality articles or blog posts on this sort of area .
Exploring in Yahoo I eventually stumbled upon this site. Studying this information So i am happy to show that I have an incredibly just right uncanny feeling I discovered just what I needed.
I such a lot definitely will make sure to do not overlook this website and provides it a glance
on a relentless basis.

Good day! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after reading through some of the post
I realized it’s new to me. Anyways, I’m definitely happy I found it
and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back frequently!

I used too be recommended this blpg by way oof
my cousin. I’m not ertain whether or not this submit is written through him as nobody else understand such distinctive
abgout my problem. You are wonderful! Thanks!

With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into
any issues of plagorism or copyright infringement?

My blog has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is
popping it up all over the internet without my permission. Do you know any techniques
to help protect against content from being ripped off?
I’d genuinely appreciate it.

I do not know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else encountering problems with your website.
It looks like some of the written text oon your content are running
off the screen. Can someone else please comment and let me
know if this is happening to them as well? This may be a
issue with my internet browser becfause I’ve had this happen before.
Cheers