Sales associate just wondering if you’ve ever shopped before

Fredericton — One of the eight sales associates currently working at a local clothing store is, according to reports, just wondering whether you’ve ever shopped before, or if you need her to walk you through the entire process like you’re some kind of invalid.

“Just so you know, this entire section of the store is buy one, get one 50% off,” she says, despite there being large, clearly marked signs indicating that exact deal every four feet in the store. “Let me know if you need anything!”

Even as you try to avoid eye contact with anyone, another sales associate is steadily approaching, to ask in a sing-songy tone normally reserved for toddlers, “Are we looking for anything in particular today, or just browsing?”

Even though you say you’re only killing time on your lunch break, she ignores your reply of “Just looking” in order to tell you that her name is Erica and you can ask her any questions if, in fact, it turns out you’re a numbskull who’s been let of their leash and this is your first day out and about in the world.

As much as you want to blurt out, “Well I have eyes, so I don’t think I need help looking at shit,” either Erica or the first sales associate watches you like a hawk, and chirps, “Still doing OK, hun?” every two minutes of your visit.

Reports also indicate that a third associate, Kylie, will be on you like white on rice if you appear to be showing any interest in a particular shirt or a dress.

“Do you have any questions about that? I have it in every colour — it’s just the cutest,” she’ll tell you, even though you couldn’t care less. “So was there anything you wanted to know about it?”

Even if you survive all this badgering and make it to the checkout process, reports show, Kylie or Erica or some other girl will soon be asking for your email so that you don’t miss any new deals, or wanting to know if you’re a member of their rewards program.

After a few stores where the same thing happens, reports reveal, you will be willing to take your chances with online shopping, even if that means paying more for shipping and not being able to try clothes on.

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