Usually, shyness is a psychological
defense mechanism. We are shy, because we are afraid of a
negative outcome. We rather avoid doing something than risking
failure. Shyness may also be the result of a learning deficit. Some people grew up as social outsiders and could not practice certain
social skills. But sometimes, shyness can also hide secret arrogance and an attitude of superiority.

In most cases fear and low self-esteem are at the heart of shyness. You may be afraid to say something
stupid, to behave in an unusual manner, or to get rejected. That
is why I give you checklists for how to lose fears and how to strengthen self-confidence.

Shy people were often born into
families which did not provide the right environmentfor
learning sufficient social skills. This deficit can be
overcome by systematic behavioral training. If you are socially
handicapped (like me) you will never become a "party animal", a
"drinking buddy" or a "real team player", but you can learn a
few essential techniques to make your life easier.

Shyness is culture-specific. In the United States shyness is usually seen as a serious handicap. TV
shows, teachers, psychologists and management trainers are blasting us with the message that "social
intelligence" and "social skills" are extremely important. In fact, humans are social animals. But some of the most creative and most
intelligent people in history have been loners or social outcasts.
The widely praised social skills are often superficial and only cover up shallowness in human
relations. Countries in Northern Europe have totally different standards concerning appropriate social behavior and necessary social
skills. In this part of the world shy people are often considered thoughtful and reflective, and they may be more respected than
social gasbags and blabbers who chat-up everyone.

Don't feel bad if you like to be alone by yourself. However, you have to avoid being stigmatized or ridiculed. You need to
learn and practice a few social skills to make your life easier.