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My Dirty Little Secret (possibly NSFW, def NSFK)

You have read my outrage about being stereotyped by the cops. Bar hopping in my favorite Rochester neighborhood, in a skirt down to my ankles, and the po po see the Adam’s Apple and assume I must be hooking. It is true, this happens, and it is true that I am infuriated by the assumption because it is one that is made constantly about trans woman. What I have not mentioned, however, is the other source of my outrage. I am also upset about this because so fricking what if I am a prostitute? I am not, but I, and all the women and men out there that are either considering it or living it, should be allowed to be without worrying that we are going to end up with a criminal record for it, or blackmailed into “favors” by corrupt cops. Frankly the only two important reasons I have avoided sex work are a stubborn need to fight the stereotype and the fact that the people trying to protect me from it scare the shit out of me.

There, I said it. If I thought it was safe, if I was not so pig-headed about “not being a stereotype,” and if I was not worried about being harassed by people who profess to love me I would seriously consider it: either prostitution or porn. I know some who might now me IRL, and who are not as close with me as they may think may roll their eyes. After all, I do not fit the narrow definition of beauty that their “Pretty Woman” addled brains think is necessary for sex work. Others may concern troll me wondering what is so wrong that I would consider this obviously horrible line of work.

Let me make it clear, yes, I think about hooking, or porn, because I could use the money. Trans women face employment discrimination including, like many disenfranchised groups, wage extortion: the deliberate and calculated under payment with the tacit, and sometimes explicit, threat that we will have a difficult time finding work elsewhere. So yes, it would help with the finances.

I should make it clear though that I also think about it because I just want to. I enjoy sex, in particular with men. I also do not particularly want a romantic entanglement with a man. Sorry, I just don’t get the same emotional kick from a guy that I do from a girl. I do want to enjoy sex with men though, of the no strings variety, and few things guarantee no strings like making it a straight up financial transaction. There are plenty of men willing to pay for that, even with an “ugly” trans woman like me.

I have even dabbled, strictly online, with sex work. I have an account with an online service similar to Second Life that specializes in adult interaction. If one has the time, the stomach, and yes the skills for it, one can be a virtual working girl. I have only had non paying encounters so far, to practice, but since a) I enjoy it, and b) I can make more money at it than I do in my “real” job, I am thinking of diving right in. Why shouldn’t I?

Why shouldn’t I enjoy my body on my terms with whoever wants to? For everyone but the cis male sexuality is a transgression. He is the only one, in almost every culture on our planet, that has near full sexual agency. The rest of us get scraps and are told that for us sex is only for male enjoyment, male profit, and for procreation. We are told people who live outside this carefully crafted narrative are broken. Well I call bullshit.

I have not made up my mind if I will explore beyond the virtual world with this. I may though and that is my choice and I am not a victim for making it. The only thing making me a victim are systems taking away my agency, threatening me with criminal sanctions and social ostracism for something that frankly should be a source of joy for anyone who enjoys it (shout out to all my grey, demi, and asexual peeps out there.) I do know that everyone’s opinions on it are starting to mean sweet fuck all to me, besides those of the paying customer. I will enjoy my sexuality on my terms, and if that includes doing so for pay, then so be it.