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Monday, August 8, 2011

Forgive me

I just think you should know I am not as strong as they say. I do not want to disappoint you. Inside I am a beautiful mess. Tangled masses of love left behind from a world lost. I do not want to let you down, but the me you see cries out in her sleep. I am enslaved to the fear that has taken control. Fighting to understand why I feel so captive to my emotions. Clinging to fading hope that nothing is in vain. I stand here now attempting to hide all that is me -behind my smile. I ask no sympathy for that, just that someday, I can be the strength that this world demands of me. I apologize as I struggle to rise from my fall. Excuse me while dry my tears.

All that I have to give now is the understanding of what once was. Does it mean anything at all, the roads I have traveled, the places I have been. Do the people I have known, the events that haunt my soul hold a story. If you strip away my past will it mean anything at all. Will it mean anything that I have been here. Will every step I have taken in faith betray me. Can you know who I am if I am only a journey reaching out to what I left behind.

My steps stray away from the places I have been and the pain I have known. I follow along hoping to find the path that will lead me to where I need to go. Behind me I leave a trail of a life that was once me. Sweet and sad memories that carry me to where I am today. Do not ask of me why the tears still fall. Embrace my smile hear my laughter. Someday If you want to see me take the road less traveled. Open your eyes look for me, where the valley lies low, wandering in a meadow of wild flowers. Among the trees standing tall, I can be heard as the breeze calls out my name. Over the mountain tops I soar through the clouds.

If there is more out there, will it find me. Perhaps I have found it. Can it be that my past has lead me to where I need to be. The strength I thought I lost, never really left me. Maybe all these events were meant to help me to believe in myself. Can it be that destiny is calling to me to be more. Perhaps life is giving me the chance to see I am all I was meant to be.