Thank you for this. I will have to read through it all again, perhaps daily, but it had me in tears and shaking. I was somehow under the impression that it was wrong to talk to anyone (even here) about some of those confusing feelings about OM. I feel like I've been cut open. For now I am looking around the room naming colors.

I love this. Thank you so much. It's been over 3 years now and I have struggled but finally am getting to the point I am able to function in the present. The book The Four Agreements helped me. I have been Christian all of my life but it took diverting from that faith to find the peace I needed,

Thanks Maia.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Mid west

knightsbff♀ MemberMember # 36853

Posted: 6:01 AM, February 25th (Monday), 2013

Bump

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 23, 16, 11. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Posts: 1612 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA

BaxtersBFF♂ MemberMember # 26859

Posted: 8:24 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013

Bump

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise

BaxtersBFF♂ MemberMember # 26859

Posted: 9:49 PM, April 16th (Tuesday), 2013

Bump

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise

BaxtersBFF♂ MemberMember # 26859

Posted: 2:34 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013

Bump.

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise

Trying33♀ MemberMember # 38815

Posted: 8:55 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013

Feel so comforted reading this. Wish I would've read it 3 months ago.

Still very torn between "it was definately real" to "it was an escape from my issues and my M and a fantasy".

At this moment in time I am in the acceptance stage. Got here relatively quickly although I do miss him terribly at times.

My self-respect and dignity is what has helped me stay NC. I've held on to it for dear life.

We call it "withdrawal" as that's exactly what it is. It somehow feels like a piss take to call it a "broken heart" as that would insinuate that the A is being romanticised. All I can say is it really felt like a broken heart at the time.

I wish I could talk about him but I can't. Seems like no-one really has the time to listen. Perhaps I come across as a victim. The whole process is so painful because there's no healthy outlet due to the shame and taboo of it all. Understandably so.

You wanna hear the biggest irony. The only person I'd really love to talk to it about is my H. He is my best friend after all.

Never really felt comfortable enough to express this before.

Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013

knightsbff♀ MemberMember # 36853

Posted: 11:24 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013

Bump for luckyllama.

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 23, 16, 11. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Posts: 1612 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA

luckyllama♀ New MemberMember # 39152

Posted: 1:23 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013

Thank you, knightsbff. This is a lot to read but I will read through it all over the next few days.

Trying33: It seems I am in a similar place as you. I have had many of the same thoughts and feelings.

Posts: 39 | Registered: May 2013

Maia♀ MemberMember # 8268

Posted: 2:50 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013

bump!

We will miss you Unicornsearcher. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xf-Lesrkuc

Posts: 6163 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: I am a Bluegrass-American

Maia♀ MemberMember # 8268

Posted: 1:13 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

Trying and llama.

All of us have unlived lives. There is a well of desire and intention in us. That well is what you have to explore to heal. Don't be afraid of the pain. See it for what it is, a sign that there is something wrong. You and you alone have the power to find out what, and between you and that Life you are meant for? Is resistance.

Resistance can be internal or external. It can be an unverbalized thought, an echo really. "I can't change."

It can be a fight with a wounded,critical spouse that renders you hopeless.

It can be a trigger. A reminder of past failure. Those are the worst because along with it is shame.

You have to reject that stuff. All of it will cause anxiety and we turn to our addictions for solace. So that's why the new ways of soothing and getting help are so important. But knowing, "right now I am anxious and need love." Is much more hopeful than "I miss xAP"

It's ok. You do need real love. And it's your junkie mind that translates that need into this withdrawal. You need Life.

Peace

We will miss you Unicornsearcher. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xf-Lesrkuc

Posts: 6163 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: I am a Bluegrass-American

HowCouldI17♂ New MemberMember # 39293

Posted: 9:43 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013

Thank you so much for this guide Maia! I'm lost in what to do and fear. this was offered to me by my amazingly compassionate wife. With this as inspiration, I have some great resources to start.
Sincerely,
HCI17

Me=WS
wife BS
2 Sons: 4, 9
Married 13, together 18
D-Day: 3/26/13, but really 5/20/13
[how long after ending A before I can call myself a "former" WS??? Maybe only I can answer that...]

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2013

BaxtersBFF♂ MemberMember # 26859

Posted: 7:18 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013

Bump for a new member

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise

Jennifer99♀ MemberMember # 39551

Posted: 10:11 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013

This is the most amazing post/guide - not just for my WH I think but for me in how I feel about him.

I am so impressed with what you went through and put together. I hope you are happy and doing well.

I don't think my M is going to survive H's EA that is over and he's stuck in depression and it took a year to get there!

Thank you for sharing this.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013

JustDesserts♂ MemberMember # 39665

Posted: 7:34 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013

Really helpful information in this post.

"It is also important to recognize that we feed our addiction with our minds. It is a bitch. An alki has to go buy and drink the booze; a junky has to score and shoot the dope, all we have to do is replay the past or fantasize about the future.

The above quote will be my fortune cookie wisdom for today. It was a very big cookie!

I read this and a quarter of the way through it I started crying because it is the most relatable post I've read so far (I'm still a n00b). This post will be daily motivation for me on my long journey that lies ahead. Thank you so much for this. You have no idea how much this has helped me. Knowing that there is someone out there who knows exactly what I'm going through feels so exhilarating. It gives me strength and reassurance that I'm doing the right thing.

I have cleaned out my playlist and placed sticky notes on my computer screen! I'm just so ready to remove the rose colored glasses that I've perceived my AP through for so long. This helps more than you'll know.