Archive for July 31, 2017

A little nicer in the house right now, just got the air conditioner put in the window. Becker and I got home this morning and it was 80 degrees in the house already. As I was lifting the air conditioner in the window a smart ass neighbor yelled “it is going to be 60 degrees on Thursday” as he drove by. Sure enough when I was done I checked weather underground and he is right.

Tom Miller yelled at me Saturday night because I have not been posting, well he was right, it has been about a week. Sorry Becker and I have been on a reality break for a while I guess. Been hanging out at the garage and swimming in the Lake. I’ll get back on track here. I need to find out what is going on with godaddy and the new website.

My buddy Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.

Tom wanted two things:

to learn how to invest his inheritance and,

to find a wife to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

61 degrees for a high yesterday, that may sound cold to you for July but it felt great to me. I was having to much fun with Becker down in Wisconsin so that’s why I haven’t been online. House on the Rock Resort was a great place to stay. We had a very relaxing time. Well back to the grind this week, I got a lot of things to get done.

Shout out to Miller, Holly came in to Fish Tales over the weekend and forgot her purse at home. Please stop by and pay her tab.

Looking for something to do up here, this is a friend of mine’s Pirate Ship

Becker’s birthday week, we drove to Wausau last night. But not before we stopped in Dollar stores, Liquor stores, grocery store, novelty shop and Sting Rays in Minocqua. (Sting Rays was my idea, had to say hi to Barry). Today it is off to Walmart (we have to buy a new swim suit for Becker) and then down to Spring Green where the House on the rock is.

Great Quotes on Sex

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,

particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.”Lynn Lavner

“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”SharonStone

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.

Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”Tiger Woods

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,

but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”Robin Williams

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in

front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women

are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic

reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”Dustin Hoffman

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing.

Just show me somebody naked!”Jerry Seinfeld

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run

one at a time.”Robin Williams

“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”Joan Rivers

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.

Steve Martin

You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked

every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.Elmo Phillips

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”Oscar Wilde

Becker’s birthday week, I’m taking her out of town for a few days. We are heading down to The House on the Rock. Looks like a nice week weather wise, a little rain maybe but mostly sunshine.

I’m not sure if I’m going to have internet access so here are a few jokes to tie you over.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.’The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.’‘Do you mean a rose?’‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

A man was telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’‘Really,’ answered the neighbour. ‘What kind is it?’

‘Twelve thirty.’

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

Gonna be nice out, I can assure it, I have to work. Becker’s birthday next week, we are taking a few days and going to see The House on the Rock. It has been 32 years since I have been there but I would bet it has not changed that much.

I big Thank You shout out to the Ladies from Lake Gogebic Quilters for making this for me. For those of you who do not know about them, they work their asses off making Quilts and giving them away to those in need. I am not sure what I did to deserve this but thank you again very much. If you ever have a few extra bucks in your pocket that you would like to donate to a very worthy cause they meet at the Bergland Township building 1 or 2 times a month. Or contact Gloria Johnson, it is a very good thing they do for our community.

Some old cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome prairie, and with the pride for which these men were famous, it was a night of bravado, rot gut whiskey, and many tall tales.

Frank, the hand from Wyoming says, “I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.”Snake River Ben, from Idaho, couldn’t stand to be bested. “That’s nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp – didn’t even get a belly ache.”Old Minnesota River Dave, the cowboy from Mankato, MN., remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker…

I think it may be a go float in the Lake day for Becker and I. Not a whole lot going on right now, working on a new website for rentals for this winter, it should be finished soon and I will start taking reservations for this coming winter.

1..Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.
It’s called …’Ministers do more than Lay People’

2..Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3..The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4..My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it is gone.

5..The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.

6..I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7..It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.

8..A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9..My next house will have no kitchen – just vending machines and a large trash can.

10.. Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment…for enjoying sex.

Thought for the day: Be who you are and say what you feel… because those that matter. ..don’t mind…and those that mind… don’t matter!

Becker and I were in the lake til about 1am. The skeeters sucked but we kept smoking and putting on off. LOL on off. We floated around on a tube, drinking beer and BSing. It doesn’t get any better than that.

SIMPLE TRUTH 1:

Lovers help each other undress before sex.However after sex, they always dress on their own.Moral of the story — In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2:

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, “Congrats”.But, none of them comes up to the man – touches his penis and say, “Good job”.Moral of the story — Hard work is rarely appreciated.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:

1. Money cannot buy happiness – but it’s far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.2. Forgive your enemy – but remember the asshole’s name.3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble – they will remember you when they’re in trouble again. 4. Alcohol does not solve any problems – but then neither does milk.

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE ….5. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

BONUS RULE:Condoms do not guarantee safe sex.A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband

I hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th. We celebrated the 3rd because the brothers had to head home. Well I still celebrated yesterday by myself, drunk early and to bed early LOL

USMC

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. TheMarine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. He yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn’t even an American.”

“So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! “

He retaliated by yelling, “Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!”
“…and there we were, in the middle of the road shaking hands, when a truck hit us.”