After my “Soulmate Search” blog a couple weeks ago, I was inundated with suggestions on how I could find my Ms. Right. I guess the part of the blog where I said, “I am not currently in the market for a mate,” sailed over folks’ heads. Yes, I am currently single, but not looking! Repeat: Not looking!

But this weekend, to appease some of my friends, I caved in and went to a couple lesbian social events. Once at the Sapphic meat market, I found a corner to hide in and indulge in some serious people watching. Over the course of the night, I started noticing a disturbing trend: all the tall butch women (I am defining “tall” as 5’9 and better) were hooking up with or pursuing untall femme women. What was the deal? NOTE: I primarily date butch women so that is the lens this blog is being written through.

After watching my tall femme sisters get the cold shoulder all night I started sensing that there was some secret conspiracy against us. And like all conspiracies the answer was in plain sight. So like an intrepid reporter from the National Enquirer, on the trail of the John Edwards’ babygate, I set out to blow this story wide open.

I started out with an unscientific survey of all the tall women I knew and asked them about their dating preferences. After they all gave me the “I don’t care what she looks like, I am just looking for a connection” response, 4 out of 5 admitted to only being attracted to women shorter than themselves. The lone holdout stuck to her guns about it not mattering what her girlfriend looked like, but eventually coped to the to the fact that to date they had all been short (with a leaning toward petite).

When I brought this topic up to my friend, Kellie, who comes in at an even 5’11, she too admitted to having a “shorter than me” preference. She just didn’t know what to do with tall women. What? She went on to share that she’d gone out a couple times with a tall girl, but when she wore heels on their dates and it made her feel weird. Weird? What are we mutants?

Well, if we are to believe a 2008 worldwide survey on height – we actually are. According to the auxologists (the eggheads who study the physical measurements in humans) the average height of a U.S. woman is 5’4. What! Are we a nation of Lilliputians? In fact, there was only one place noted in the survey whose women averaged in at 5’7.5 and that was the Dinaric Alps. Where the fuck is that! But as I started to pay closer attention to the height of women I came in contact with, I sensed that the auxologists might be on to something. When you are almost six feet tall, almost everyone is shorter than you. But I didn’t realize how short. And then when I started to look back at my spotty dating history I realized I had only had one girlfriend that could have been called “tall.” I had been a victim of tallism!

When I hooked up with my non-girl kissing friend Barbara, who is striking at 6’1, to share my findings, she sadly nodded her head in agreement. In her world, where the average U.S. man is 5’7, she too found herself ditching her cute heels so not to “overshadow” her date. When I asked her if she sensed that tall men actively avoided approaching her in a romantic way she concurred that there were times she felt she was being overlooked because of her height. The irony. But by the end of our conversation, she was happy to report that she was currently dating a guy that was 6’5 and with some embarrassment added, “it’s nice to feel small for a change.”

Gasp! Tallism! It was rampant everywhere and it was making us feel shitty about ourselves. I understand personal preference, but this was beyond that. Us tall girls were not even on the menu. You shorty chasers aren’t even aware that there is an entire group of women who were funny, smart (scientifically proven more so than short women), good in bed, and didn’t need a step stool to get shit off the top shelf in the linen closet. Look at all that you are missing out on. And for you untall butches, who are hell bent on collecting us, like we are your personal exotic blue Avatar, that creeps us out.

Michell Sewell, founder of GirlChild Press, is 5’11 and would love to meet a tall, dark butch in about six months.

Comments [63]

Thank you so much for writing this. I'm almost 5'9, and find that height discrepancies are always a problem for me with the women I date. My roommate said to me the other day, "You have a crush on any woman who's your height or taller and butch." To which I replied, "Yes. Yes I do."

As much as I've adore my tiny and medium-height gfs, I can't even fathom how nice it would be to have a gf who I didn't dwarf in heels. I once dated a homeless drug addict, only because she was three inches taller than me.

And now you're telling me we die young? Jesus. At least we can always reach things on the top shelf. And were able to make it onto most amusement park rides by the age of four.

My petite first girlfriend and I have exactly the same size hands. Which is a little weird. But feet... I come from a family of people with big feet. My little sis has gigantic feet. My Docs are size 8, just to give you a British reference.

I'm 5'2" and wear a 6....short and fluffy with paddle feet! Speaking of Docs - got myself a new pair the other day....but still wearing the old ones. It took me 5 years to break in that pair of boots, and every scuff and tear is a part of me.

I know how you feel, Pepe. I have short, wide feet with a high arch. Its a good thing I'm not into heals, because they don't come close to fitting. When I do have to wear them, I stuff the toes.

I have my best luck with little boys shoes. When it comes to actual women's casuals, Simple makes wide sneakers in lots of cute styles, and is relatively Earth friendly. I don't know if they sell them in stores up your way, but they are on the web. You have to keep an eye out as the seasons change; for a while everything will be blah, and then they put out a really cute set that makes me want to fill my closet. They sometimes have nice boots that you might like with all the weather you get up there. Some of the Keens styles also fit well, and I actually bought a couple of pair while I was in Canada.

For sneakers I only wear Asics. My podiatrist told me to wear good quality running shoes for my giant heel spurs. Asics are much cheaper than other running shoes. I don't run though. Unless I'm chasing a woman. :-)

I bought my girlfriend tinned food for her 30th (it was South African stuff to remind her of home) and it was very nearly the end of our relationship!! I have had to learn quite a bit about what constitutes a romantic gift!!

Tinned food is only sexy if you are licking it off of each other. If you want it to be romantic, you need to serve it a private little place with a hot tub, accompanied by candles, music, and well oiled tiny hands.

I once dated this chick that was 6'0 and on top of that she wore very high heels. I literally had to crawl up her, which was exhausting. Another one was 5'10 and wanted me to bite her lip consistently while kissing her and didn't bother to bend down to help me out. I stood on my tippy toes trying to gnaw on her lips and got a cramp. The last one was 5' even and was VERY cool, b/c she wore heels and it raised her up. But she was craziest of them all (growled at my pussy like a red zone animal going in for a kill).

I work with a woman who's 1/4 inch short of 6'. She's straight, smart and attractive and we had a conversation one day that surprised me. She told me it was hard for her to find guys to date because she will only date men who are taller than her. Another tall woman was nearby and chimed in that she concurred, she only dates men who are taller than her. I asked why since there have to be some very nice guys who they might otherwise find attractive who aren't over 6' and they couldn't give me a concrete reason. I'd kind of forgotten about it till I read your blog so now as I put on my armchair psychologist hat, I wonder if it's a masculine/feminine thing.

Here's what I mean- Michelle said that butch women go for shorter femmes and femmes go for taller butches. Equating the masculine energy of butches to the masculine energy of men and femmes to straight chicks... Well, I think you can see where I'm going with this. Just a thought that popped into my head folks. I don't have research or concrete anything so be gentle.

If it matters, y'all know I don't identify either way. I'm 5'6" so can easily find women who are taller or shorter and I honestly don't care. Ex #1 was 5'2", Exes #2 & 3 were my height and I've dated women from 5' to 6' in height.