Misery USA

The latest "Gallup–Healthways Well-Being Index" is out, showing that Ohioans are more miserable than they were last year, when they were plenty miserable.

Ohio rose to fifth most miserable state in the 2013 results, up from seventh in 2012.

West Virginia continued to top the list with Kentucky second. So we have a tri-state area that's a vortex of despondency. But they say misery loves company, so maybe we're just herding up, like wildebeest.

The index is based on surveys of state residents, plus some key statistics such as unemployment, obesity and levels of education.

Here's what USA Today said about us in its story on the state rankings:

Just 49.3% of respondents (in Ohio) stated they were thriving in their lives last year, one of the lowest proportions in the nation. Relatively few respondents indicated they had a learning experience within the previous 24 hours, and residents were among the most likely in the U.S. to have felt angry that day. This contributed to Ohio's low ranking for emotional health.

I'd like to know what day the survey was taken because Ohioans are highly sensitive to sports results. You call them up after a football weekend when the Bengals, Browns and Buckeyes all lost and quite a few of them would probably say they were ready to jump off a bridge.

It's tempting to blame the weather for this funk, but that fails to explain how North Dakota – North Dakota! – could finish first.

Hawaii, the 2012 leader, fell to eighth. Ponder that for a moment: People living a state where temperatures have dipped as low as minus 60 are happier than those in a tropical paradise. They must really be doing something right in North Dakota.

I see a marketing opportunity for Ohio in its misery. People who feel just normally contented in North Dakota, South Dakota or Nebraska (the top three) should move here among the miserable. They'll feel deliriously happy by comparison.