suicide

Come into the world of Jewel Hart: a teenager with a beautiful soul who is experiencing ugly hardships. Within the pages of Cascading Petals by Jane C. Brady, we will learn just what the sources of these hardships are. It’s not easy to exist in high school, especially when you’ve been made the target of bullies for the majority of your life. With one year left, Jewel braces herself to get this final torture over and done. It won’t go easy for her, however. With the new transfer student Jewel finds her life flipped upside down. Enemies have the potential to become friends and acquaintances become that much closer. Is there love in Jewel’s future? Or is there only heartache?

Brady captures the torture of being a bullied high school student with such majesty; it was hard to put the book down. Anyone who struggled, or is struggling, in that time of their life will immediately identify with the way Brady portrays her characters. She also shows her antagonists as human, which can be difficult to do. When you’ve experienced bullying, the hardest thing, aside from surviving, is realizing that your tormentors are just as human as you are. It’s a very realistic approach and lends itself well to this book. Her depiction of how schools have been handling bullying in Canada was also very accurate. While there are good schools out there, the majority have been severely unprepared to address the issue, even when something tragic happens.

The only downfall of this book would have to be some of the descriptions that the characters use for each other. When transfer student Kaiden Carter describes how Jewel appears to him, it’s with very over-the-top imagery which can be hard to swallow. While this is a young adult novel and that language is expected, it’s a bit much in some places. As a teen reading the book, however, it might be easier to accept.

It is important to note that Brady does not hold back in the repercussions of her characters actions. There are events that take place in the book that may act as triggers for sensitive readers, so that should be taken into consideration before settling down to read. It’s heartbreaking for those who get invested in the lives of the characters to watch them struggle and go through such pain. By bouncing the book back and forth between different viewpoints, the full picture can be seen which can cause a larger impact on the reader.

For a young adult novel it was pleasantly surprising to feel so invested in how things turned out for the protagonists of Cascading Petals by Jane C. Brady. As a reader outside the target for this book, it was great to feel connected to the characters right from the start. Covering difficult topics and fairly crafting each characters personality and backstory, Brady does a great job making her book worth the read. By doing such a realistic job, all readers will find themselves swallowed up and eager for more.

I’ve been on the lowI been taking my timeI feel like I’m out of my mindIt feel like my life ain’t mineWho can relate?I’ve been on the lowI been taking my timeI feel like I’m out of my mindIt feel like my life ain’t mine

All this other shit I’m talkin’ ’bout they think they know itI’ve been praying for somebody to save me, no one’s heroicAnd my life don’t even matterI know it I know it I know I’m hurting deep down but can’t show itI never had a place to call my ownI never had a homeAin’t nobody callin’ my phoneWhere you been? Where you at? What’s on your mind?They say every life precious but nobody care about mine

I’ve been on the lowI been taking my timeI feel like I’m out of my mindIt feel like my life ain’t mineWho can relate?I’ve been on the lowI been taking my timeI feel like I’m out of my mindIt feel like my life ain’t mine

I want you to be aliveI want you to be aliveYou don’t gotta die todayYou don’t gotta dieI want you to be aliveI want you to be aliveYou don’t gotta dieNow lemme tell you why

[Alessia Cara:]It’s the very first breathWhen your head’s been drowning underwaterAnd it’s the lightness in the airWhen you’re thereChest to chest with a loverIt’s holding on, though the road’s longAnd seeing light in the darkest thingsAnd when you stare at your reflectionFinally knowing who it isI know that you’ll thank God you did

[Logic:]I know where you been, where you are, where you goin’I know you’re the reason I believe in lifeWhat’s the day without a little night?I’m just tryna shed a little lightIt can be hardIt can be so hardBut you gotta live right nowYou got everything to give right now

I’ve been on the lowI been taking my timeI feel like I’m out of my mindIt feel like my life ain’t mineWho can relate?I’ve been on the lowI been taking my timeI feel like I’m out of my mindIt feel like my life ain’t mine

Like many, I had a hard time watching this show. I had a hard time not only because of the events that took place, but because of the events that I recalled from my own life while watching. At first, I had watched the initial episode and felt that I wouldn’t continue. Just that first episode was enough to rattle me. I spoke with a coworker who had watched the whole series and asked if he felt it was worth it to watch the whole thing, or if I would get the same effect after reading spoilers. So I read some spoilers (I read a brief breakdown of each episode) and I talked to the #BSP about it, and I determined that I should watch the whole thing. There are some things that can’t be conveyed through reading: you need to watch it to get the full impact. Not everyone can handle the full impact of this show and they shouldn’t try to handle it. I’m going to write down my thoughts on this show so if you don’t want to read spoilers then I suggest you stop now. But if you don’t mind spoilers or if you’re like me and want to read a bit before watching it anyway, continue on.

It’s raining in Alberta today and the weather is making me melancholy.

I’m reminded of unhappy things from my past when it rains. I also like the rain when I can lock myself in my room with a book to read, or to write. Then the rain is good.

It’s sometimes a good thing to get back in this depressed state of mind when it rains because it helps the writing. Things are full of such agony when I write when it rains. People die, lives are ruined, worlds destroyed.

Many people see rainy days as things to be feared. Some studies will tell you that the suicide rate spikes when it rains. As someone who has had suicidal thoughts before, I can understand WHY it would spike on days like today when everything is gray and looks hopeless. But it was never rainy days for me.

Yes, I can get a little depressing on days like today and I usually like to watch movies that make me cry on days like today, but I never went that far on rainy days. I love the rain. I love the sound it makes on the roof, I love watching the ripples in the puddles. In the summer time, when it’s hot and it rains, I like to walk in the rain.

For me, my depression and my suicidal thoughts stemmed from other reasons and not the weather. I always found solace in the rain and maybe that comes from living in a log cabin in the woods where everything was so quiet on rainy days. The birds were still there, but quieter and the shadows of animals skittering here and there trying to find shelter from the storm was interesting to watch.

I am happy to say it’s been 5 years since I had suicidal thoughts. Those who read this might be surprised that things like that ever crossed my mind before, but when (if) I eventually post about what my childhood and early adulthood was like, you’ll understand more.

UNFORTUNATELY I have to work today. It’s sad business, working a Day Job on a day that would give birth to so many interesting things when writing. In my next story, TAK, I’ve decided to call it for sure, there are lots of sad things that could happen.