The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.

The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.

Not trying to be mean or anything, but check out the bolded. Before the poo hit the fan, you just "knew" that these people were your friends and were grateful for what you had done for them. Why has it taken so long for Mark (the long time friend) to step in and say anything? Why has this not had a resolution from his end? Who do you think he will side with - you or bat poo crazy fiancee? The behavior of these two has shown you that you need to re-evaluate what you think you "know" about them, because real friends wouldn't have done this, and a "real" friend would not have tolerated the bat poo from his finacee towards his friends.

The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.

Not trying to be mean or anything, but check out the bolded. Before the poo hit the fan, you just "knew" that these people were your friends and were grateful for what you had done for them. Why has it taken so long for Mark (the long time friend) to step in and say anything? Why has this not had a resolution from his end? Who do you think he will side with - you or bat poo crazy fiancee? The behavior of these two has shown you that you need to re-evaluate what you think you "know" about them, because real friends wouldn't have done this, and a "real" friend would not have tolerated the bat poo from his finacee towards his friends.

The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.

Why would you want to be in the wedding party of someone that thinks you have a master plan to sabatoge her life? Thats a HUGE thing to throw at someone. What if something does go wrong - you forget to bring something or are 10 minutes late to a wedding event? It will confirm to her that yes you do have a plan and that she is right. What about all the other bridesmaids? Do you really think she hasn't told them about how horrible you are? How awkward is it going to be at the shower while all the other women are looking at you and wondering how you had the nerve to show up after all the terrible things you have done to Rein?

I think that you and Hawk are being too charitable to Mark and Rein. Mark may be a decent person who would never damage your property. He may also be the type that would never let Rein damage your property. But is he going to watch her 24 hours a day, every single day?

As for Rein, she may have at one time been a decent person. But you should consider the possibility that she is no longer that same person. This Rein may very well use her paranoid fantasies as an excuse to retaliate against you.

First, I agree with PPs that you *don't* know Rien. Up until this happened, you didn't know she would stab you in the back for doing them a massive favour. That's a pretty major personality trait - what else does she have that you haven't encountered yet?

The second - Mark can apologize for Rien, but he's not her keeper, and he can't be guaranteed to control her. So the fact that Mark's a nice guy doesn't negate the fact that Rien is, to all appearances, unstable and vindictive. The fact that he's engaged to her doesn't mean she's a decent person either (I suspect we all know know couples where one is a nice guy/girl and the other is bad new).

Coming late to this thread. I don't know what to say but my flabber is truly gasted. I'm not sure whether I'd want to stay in the wedding party if I were you either. If you stay, everything you do wrong, and she'll probably find all sorts of things you do "wrong", will be proof of your sabotage. On the other hand, if you drop out then you're trying to ruin her special day. I'm glad that Mark is still sane. Perhaps Hawk could talk to him and ask him if it would be better if you dropped out?

The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.

Why would you want to be in the wedding party of someone that thinks you have a master plan to sabatoge her life? Thats a HUGE thing to throw at someone. What if something does go wrong - you forget to bring something or are 10 minutes late to a wedding event? It will confirm to her that yes you do have a plan and that she is right. What about all the other bridesmaids? Do you really think she hasn't told them about how horrible you are? How awkward is it going to be at the shower while all the other women are looking at you and wondering how you had the nerve to show up after all the terrible things you have done to Rein?

I agree with this - I totally think you should back out. What would be the point of staying in?I'm glad that Mark is being more rational but I think I would still, at the very least, talk to an attorney to see what you would need to do in the even you need them out. Because, even if Mark plans on dealing with it rationally, that doesn't mean that Rien will. And, if it were me, I really would consider still having them leave.

And because it can't be said enough: Anyone who thinks that someone's Master Plan to Ruin Their Life starts with letting them live rent free for months and months, has some serious issues. At the very least that suggests they have a severe case of "The World Revolves Around Me and Everything People Do Is In Some Way Related To Me".

Logged

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Rational people do not behave this way -- even when there is a miscommunication, even when they might have money woes, even under wedding stress. Rien's behavior is totally inexcusable. You (meaning OP) have gone above and beyond in reaching out and trying to smooth things over. I would not communicate with Rien any more in your shoes. Assume you are not in the wedding and proceed accordingly - unless she comes to you with an honest and sincere apology that wasn't coerced by Mark, I would consider this friendship over.

Sorry, but an apology about "misunderstanding the timing" is not sufficient in this situation. Mark may not know what she's said, in which case he should be informed. If he does, then he's being as slimy as she is. Regardless of anything, someone who told me that I had a "master plan" to ruin their life would no longer be welcome in my home rent free (or at all). Without an apology for that, you can't and shouldn't move on. And letting them continue to live there rent free is moving on in a way. Even with an apology, I'd be hesitant to continue this situation with someone so volatile.

I think the next step needs to be for the Hawk to let Mark know that while you appreciate his apology for "misunderstanding the timing" this issue has now gone beyond that and you need an apology, and them to move out if they would like to salvage the friendship.

Mark may be a true friend to your husband or he could be trying to salvage his free rent situation. In either case, he does not know the damage his fiance has caused. This spells trouble for them going forward. Hopefully, you and your DH will be able to disentangle from the situation soon.

Sorry, but an apology about "misunderstanding the timing" is not sufficient in this situation. Mark may not know what she's said, in which case he should be informed. If he does, then he's being as slimy as she is. Regardless of anything, someone who told me that I had a "master plan" to ruin their life would no longer be welcome in my home rent free (or at all). Without an apology for that, you can't and shouldn't move on. And letting them continue to live there rent free is moving on in a way. Even with an apology, I'd be hesitant to continue this situation with someone so volatile.

I think the next step needs to be for the Hawk to let Mark know that while you appreciate his apology for "misunderstanding the timing" this issue has now gone beyond that and you need an apology, and them to move out if they would like to salvage the friendship.

I happen to agree with you, BUT...I think that it's up to the OP and the Hawk to determine what is a sufficient apology from Rien and Mark. Obviously there is a lot more going on and I think that we need to assume that OP and the Hawk can determine what their breaking point/line in the sand is.

Firstly, as some other posters surmised, there is more detail behind all of this. Most important I think is that Mark is a very old & dear friend of mine; one of my best friends, actually. I knew him long before Rien did, and was actually the first person he introduced his "new" girlfriend to. Secondly (and this was news to me), Mark & Rien had a series of disasters over the last couple of weeks, all wedding-related- their photographer backed out (she was doing the wedding for free, as a gift)- another bridesmaid found out she leaves for basic training 2 days before the wedding- a third bridesmaid has been behaving... terribly (I'll leave it at that)- their families have gone wedding-crazySo there were a lot of other things affecting our situation with them.

And now to the update!

The Hawk & Mark had a talk (email), and then Mark and I had a very long conversation; Mark had been unaware of Rien's rantings, and apologised profusely to both The Hawk and me. He then sat down with Rien, and somehow set her straight. Rien called me, and we talked, and cried, and talked more. She is one of my closest friends, so being on the outs with her was very painful.

She and I hashed out a deal that we will leave The Hawk & Mark to discuss house-business, and she and I will focus on our friendship and the wedding.

I am happy with this outcome, as is The Hawk; the four of us will be able to work together like a team - landlord/tenant - until they move, and then we can go back to just being friends

Thank you all for your input; I'm grateful that I didn't explode at my friends, and thankful that I got so much insight into what was going on!