Friday, 2 August 2013

How To Buy Underwear

Here's how to buy underwear:

1) Go to online or real life store2) Choose what's best for you in the right size3) Remove all packaging and throw it away/recycle4) Put underwear in drawer5) It if turns out you don't like it make a mental note not to buy that brand/style again6) If it is faulty return it to the store.

Here's how to buy digital scrapbooking kits:

1) Go to online store to find a kit you like and buy it.

2) Unpack it. Or, in some cases spend ten minutes rounding it up from your downloads because designer has not worked out how to put it in a folder.

3) Make sure you have enough capacity on your computer to store all the advertising previews and links that come with the kit, even though the designer has not taken the trouble to name one of the images "folder" so it might be useful to you.

4) Talk about how wonderful the designer is all over the internet even if disappointed with the kit because they work hard, you know, and don't do it for the money, they do it for the love of designing. And have a family to support. Oh wait, that doesn't sound right, they might need to pick one - do it for the love of it or have a family to support ...

5) Never, ever, criticise anything a designer does. Ever. They work hard, you know, yadda yadda yadda, whereas apparently you don't work hard to earn the money you're spending in their store. If you find someone who dares to criticise something that designer has made, get one of your buddies to let you into their Facebook group so you can jump on that person (without finding out anything about that person or indeed reading the rest of the thread).

6) Make sure you prostitute your hobby by sharing a link to the designer's store everywhere. Don't worry if it bores your friends to death or gets you banned from ad-free groups. Don't worry that it makes you look like a sycophantic moron. The designer works very hard ...

7) Never ever make a mental list of designers who annoy you and/or waste your time. That would be really mean because they're clever and wonderful and are therefore entitled to waste your valuable time. They work hard you know ...

8) Make sure you add the designers' pages to your Facebook newsfeed so they can advertise to you (rather than unchecking the newsfeed option and adding them to a group so you can choose when to see their ads). They work hard, you know, so they're entitled to be in your face all day long.

For comparison. How my husband buys model railway kits:

1) See kits advertised and purchase2) Check contents and start to build kit. If kit is not as described send it back and demand refund3) If refund refused make complaint widely known. If kit is great deliver grudging "all right" on forums4) If kit has poor instructions and/or wastes time never buy for that manufacturer again and make complaints widely known. 5) On no account write sycophantic drivel about designer of kit for fear of mocking and derision from fellow model railway enthusiasts.