Today's DUMBCON Level Is: -1 (and unlikely to change any time soon)

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About Me

I'm a 64-year old father of three and grandfather of six with opinions on nearly everything. I believe in courtesy, common sense, and fair play. I love ballroom dancing, reading, gourmet cooking, and travel. While I'm opinionated, I'm not close-minded, and I welcome your constructive comments on my blog. My motto: "I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense."

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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Ultimate Truths of the Universe

I think I set a new record yesterday for number of comments received on a single post. But since I can't write about armpits every day, I guess I should look for something else with which to entertain you today. How about this abridged list of the Ultimate Truths of the Universe (with my commentary, of course)?

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track (And even if you're on the right track, the train will run over you if you don't keep moving).

3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain (This is related to the classic admonition that "the beatings will continue until morale improves")

5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be (The "good old days" weren't necessarily good...just old).

6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough (Bilbo's Corollary: any problem is easier to face if you've stockpiled enough gin, tonic water, and fresh limes).

7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant (This is intended to be a factual statement, Senator Kyl).

8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication (A truth not lost on al Qaeda, Hamas, and the dumbass who added discussion of "death panels for granny" to arguments about health care reform).

9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world (And has no future in politics).

10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for (The first rule of modern politics).

12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler (Otherwise, Republicans and Democrats won't be able to understand it).

13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

14. I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense (This is actually a memorable quote from G.K. Chesterton that you may recognize as my personal motto).

15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism (Unfortunately, you can only use it once, and you're not likely to benefit from the insights).

16. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

17. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

18. If you can smile when things go wrong, you've figured out who to blame.

19. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday (Mike can tell you how much of it is spent on Friday the 13th).

20. Every time you make ends meet, some ass clown moves the ends.

21. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious (And nobody gets out of it alive).

22. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

23. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on (This is related to the classic observation that foolproof plans never allow for the ingenuity of fools).

24. You may think this is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it (The 2012 presidential race is coming).

25. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

Have I missed anything? Add your personal ultimate truths to the comments.