Day 10 – A Cannibalistic Dog and Excuses like Body Parts November 14, 2009

I used to have a roommate named Kaity who would say, “Excuses are like buttholes. Everyone has one, and they all stink.” I hated that expression for several reasons. 1) There is a parent saying that goes thusly: “Excuses are like noses: everyone has one and they all smell.” 2) When combined, the phrase that the roommate said, about buttholes, combined with the one that I was familiar with, involving noses and smelling, left an unforgettable image in my mind of a nose in a butt.

But I’m going to give my excuse for not updating enough, and it’s not like a butthole or a nose.

I haven’t updated like I should today because my dog decided to try to chew off her foot. She was just sitting around and thought, “hey–the bottom of my foot looks pretty tasty, I think I’ll eat it.” So when I wiped her foot (which helps keep the Ranch spotless) after bringing her in from a pee wee break, there was blood on the paper towel. Upon inspection, I noticed that she was chewing off her paw.

So off we went to the vet. I won’t dwell on the trip to the vet, because I don’t have the emotional stamina to endure it right now, but I’ll give the highlights: trying to hold the leash, being pulled down by the dog, the dog tripping me, the dog jumping on the counter, the dog biting the vet techs who tried to cut her nails, the dog escaping the vet staff… ad nauseum.

That said, I’ll tell you my calories:

-Breakfast-

Grits –130

1 T. butter –100

-Lunch-

I feasted on the embarrassment of having the worst behaved dog at the vet.

Now supposedly I have 704 calories left today, and I suppose that’s true. That’s why I need to start eating lunch. I’ll have to discuss the many complications of my dog’s attempted cannibalism with her, and then maybe I’ll have an uninterrupted lunch tomorrow.

Also there’s a birthday party I have to go to tomorrow night, though I think I’m just going to make a brief appearance and return to the Ranch to do some work. Anyone have some fun weekend plans?