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Well, things are going okay here at basic training. The guys are swell. We do have a mean, nasty drill sergeant who isn’t too bright. He has this piece of exercise equipment he thinks is an accordion, and he throws himself into trying to play it.

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It can be awkward when you go pick up a blind date you met online, and she comes to the door with garlic hanging from her hair. You start wondering what a nice, sensitive guy would say, and you come up with stuff like:

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Quick. If I asked you for a word to describe a primitive, ignorant, grunting, unenlightened barbarian, you’d say “Neanderthal.” Imagine our surprise, then, at hearing the stunning news that some researchers think Neanderthals may have been capable of sophisticated speech.