I Just Had Dinner

Also saw Joy perform the Fat Rant live in this show, which was terrific. Lots of great monologues, including a killer one by the Fruit, who was also delightful in person.

And after I squealed about hanging out with OMG JOY NASH!!!, we walked into a bar and found the lovely Kelly and Miranda, who also went OMG JOY NASH!!!, and then Joy introduced me, and it turned out they read the blog! I met fucking fans! Hi, Kelly and Miranda!

I realized on the way home that MTV dude never had me sign a release, so I have no idea if that means he has no intention of using the footage of me, or he just forgot. So I may or may not be on the teevee. If I am, you will see me acting TOTALLY NATURAL as I talk to Joy while staring over her shoulder at the camera and then try to angle myself so the guy can’t film my profile or back fat. Because I am all about accepting my body, yo.

And because I know this was your first question when you read the word “cameraman,” I wore my aqua Svoboda Shauna top (purchased very much on sale), a black Michael Kors matte jersey skirt (from TJ Maxx), Franco Sarto heels, and a big-ass paisley bag from Gap Outlet, which I chose because it fit the Franco Sarto heels, along with everything else I needed. I actually wore Nordstrom ballet flats for most of the night, but I brought the heels because I wanted to look TOTALLY NATURAL on camera.

I totally didn’t stand right in the street and redo all my make-up before the camera started rolling, either. Because this was about REALITY.

And the reality is, Joy Nash is just as fucking awesome in person as she is on the YouTube, and man, do I ever wish she lived in Chicago.

I am SO JEALOUS!! Who are the Canadian Fat Ranters and can I meet y’all? I have my own fan club in Facebook (don’t ask) and there I share the details of the “tour” I am making to Toronto and Montreal in September. Would love to meet like-minded people for coffee because I can’t find any in Calgary. Like minded people, that is… not the coffee, we have lots here, mostly in my kitchen. But if you are in Calgary get in touch with me too.

I’m rambling!! Kate, I am your fan and if I was in Chicago I would be stalking you, I swear it!!

You’re shocked that you have fans? Ok, this would be a good time for me to come out of lurkdom and finally post that I love this blog, I adore you, and just last week I recommended this blog to three people. I was at friggin law school orientation when my table full of women wanted to talk about how fat we all were, and how much fatter we were going to be thanks to all that studying. Second day on campus, at a school where most of us are first-gen COLLEGE grads, we’re all worried about how we look. So we go around the table doing the usual “I want to lose thirty pounds. I’m going to stop drinking and only eat carrots” bit, and when it got to be my turn, I said, “Yeah. I’m overweight. Anyone ever read Kate Harding?” It was a huge relief to have a handy resource rather than just get sucked into the old “You’re not fat, I’M the fat one” routine.

And boy, does that ever illustrate the problem right there. “Law school is going to make us even smarter* and even more capable of earning money, BUT WE MIGHT GET FATTER!”

Heaven forfend. Last thing this world needs is a bunch of smart, wealthy, powerful fat women running around.

No, wait… that’s exactly what this world needs.

And yeah, wow, women really need to stop bonding about how much weight we “need” to lose. Half the awesomeness last night was that in talking to Joy, Laura, Kelly, and Miranda, it was all just, “I love your outfit!” and “You rock!” and “DOESN’T IT ROCK WHEN YOU STOP HATING YOURSELF?” And we ate actual food and drank calorie-laden drinks and laughed our fat asses off. Nobody ever apologized for anything. When was the last time you met three fat women for the first time (I’d met Laura before), and nobody got on the self-deprecation train?

Thanks to Donna, too. If I still lived in Toronto, I would be anxiously awaiting your stop there! And Thorn, squeeeee! Why weren’t you there?

*Note to Snarkletons: I don’t want to debate whether law school actually makes you smarter. You know what I mean. :)

“What’s Kate wearing” was in fact the first question I asked Laura when she called (after “are you sure the cameraman’s name is Guido? Germans aren’t named Guido. He’s probably Dutch and also not named Guido.” [1]). Your description was a bit more useful though since you know brand names.

And Joy wore my skirt on Friday! YAYYYYY!

I am so jealous of all three of you for meeting each other. (Well okay, I guess I’m not jealous of you and Joy for meeting Laura; I have known her a while now.)

[1] Second rule of the Dutch: they never go by their own names. This is true. The first rule, incidentally, is that they make sandwiches in a bag. Ask a Dutch person of your acquaintance!

He was definitely both named Guido (pronounced “Geedo”) and from Germany, although being from Germany does not necessarily mean one’s parents are German.

I actually had the same thought, though, and double-checked. I’d already introduced him to Laura as Guido and called him that about five times, but when he said Germany, I went, “You know, I’m really sorry, but I’m not sure if I heard your name right.”

Him: Guido.
Me: Huh. Okay, I did hear it right.

However, when we met Kelly the Fan, I somehow heard “Colleen” and introduced her to Laura as such. We’d been talking for like ten minutes before I realized her name was actually Kelly. So double-checking is a good practice for me, even with Americans.

As an aside, I am very lucky to be one of those people who feels no shame in saying, “Oh my god, I’ve been calling you the wrong name!” or even, “I’m really sorry, but I forgot your name!” Because I am just that brilliant all the time, and if I were the type of person who gets terribly embarrassed and too flustered to address that kind of problem? I would have no friends at all.

Finally, your skirt looked SO CUTE on Joy! I saw and admired it before hearing that it was yours! And Joy was very excited to learn that it came from you; the Fatshionista world is small.

I expressed (and to a certain degree still feel) some ambivalence about Joy as a spokeswoman at first, simply because she is so riDICulously beautiful I was worried that it would send a “fat is okay as long as you’re fucking smoking hot gorgeous” message. But I have to say, it’s kind of amazing to me to realize that I am the same size and almost the same weight as Joy fucking Nash. JOY FUCKING NASH CAN WEAR MY SKIRT. It’s the complete opposite of every cultural message I’ve ever gotten: Here’s a beautiful woman, and you already look like her. I still don’t know how a bigger person feels, watching Joy say “I weigh 224 pounds,” and for that reason I think it’s a major priority to have bigger gorgeous fatties in the public eye (how about that podcast, Marianne?). But for a middling fattie it’s amazing, because for once I’m seeing a beautiful woman whom I can emulate without torturing my body. Of course I’ll never have Joy’s bone structure or her hair or her omg legs, but I can certainly bite her style and aspire to her poise. It feels a little like reading MODE back when MODE existed and I was closer to the size of their models.

And on reading that, I realized how antifeminist it sounds, to talk about having achievable role models for LOOKS. The thing is, though, I do care about how I come off — I think most people with a social consciousness do — even if I don’t care about being Classically Sexy or Appropriately Feminine. And fatties are really hampered on this one, because we get so many false messages about what we look like — the Headless Fatty Effect, that says “we picked this deliberately parodic image because it looks just like you.” (Correct me if I’m wrong about the headless fatties being deliberately parodic, but don’t they cherrypick the images that visually support stereotypes like “dirty” and “unfashionable”?) People like Joy can counteract the skewed vision of ourselves that we’re getting from the media — and if that allows a fat person to go through life presenting herself with more confidence, then I’m all for it, even if it does place a certain emphasis on aesthetics.

You know, for as genetically blessed as Joy totally is (and goddamn, she’s just as gorgeous up close with her hair in a ponytail and her glasses on and all tired and shit), I have to say, she is also a terrific example of how confidence makes you hot. She’s so fucking vivacious and charming, I actually stopped thinking “OMG, pretty!” while I was talking to her, and just got caught up in her energy. She made me feel hotter, because her ease with herself was so infectious. For my money, that’s what makes people irresistibly attractive, rather than just good-looking.

(Of course, it might be just a touch easier to be confident and poised when you’re smoking fucking hot. But there are lessons for all of us there nonetheless.)

Do you know the actress Lesley Boone? I used to love the show Ed — which had MORE THAN ONE fat character not treated like a freak!! — and I loved her, but (imo) you could always see her struggling to keep her insecurity down. The character was supposed to be confident, but it was like you could see the wheels turning: “I have to act like I think I’m perfectly fine now.” She always came off a little spazzy, because carrying herself like someone who thought she was hot just didn’t seem to come naturally to her. Which KILLED me, because she IS gorgeous. And because I related a little too much to the, “Okay, here I am next to my tiny, preternaturally beautiful friend, but I HAVE NO PROBLEM AT ALL WITH THE WAY I LOOK!” forced bravado. The end result, sadly, was that she didn’t quite come across as hot — which had nothing to do with how she looked and everything to do with that twinkle of insecurity that was always in her eyes.

Joy has none of that, which makes all the difference in the world. I mean, look at the scene in Fat Rant where she’s playing the couch-bound, face-stuffing fatty. Because she’s a good actress, she has all the depression and fear and insecurity you’d expect in her eyes there. And although she’s still got the proverbial “pretty face,” she does not look at all like the hottie she is. (Okay, some of that’s the wig and sweats and angel food cake, but still.)

I totally think her hotness is about 25% stellar genes, 75% personality. And 75% is a lot to work with, even for those of us who don’t come by hair and skin and eyes like hers naturally, you know?

I saw Joy do the Fat Rant live at Fat Girl Speaks in June and it was great great great! They said she spent something like 23 hours on a Greyhound bus from LA to get there, now that’s dedication! Didn’t get to meet her, though. And MTV too? You have all the luck! Er, I mean talent, of course.

Do they always have you sign a release if they’re going to have you on camera? Or do they not bother with such things anymore, assuming that of course you give them permission to show everyone how gawjus you are?

geez- I’m sitting here at work almost crying. I don’t think anyone’s ever said nicer things about me..
I just came across these comments when I was writing a blurb for my blog tomorrow so I’m sorry for being a little late to the tea party.

I had such a great time with you and Laura that night. I don’t have a whole lot of fat friends here in LA- or friends who are passionate about fat acceptance really. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely feel supported by them, but I also feel like I spend a lot of time explaining (or directing them to Shapely Prose and the rest of the fatosphere) or talking about things that affect their lives more than this does.
It was so great to sit with such beautiful- (and smart! so smart!! and articulate! and inspiring!) women and to trade compliments and not fight eachother over them.
“You’re beautiful!” “No, I’m not!” “Yes, you are!” “No, not really!” ad infinitum.

It does feel weird and wrong to listen to people say nice things about you. Nobody wants to talk to some egomaniacal diva- and half the time I’m thinking: “but you don’t know what I’m really like!” Or even trying to figure out what someone really wants… why they’re reaaally saying this.
I don’t know if I’m making sense anymore, but it was so great to sit and talk with people who I really admire- and just feel so lucky that all of this is happening.