Monday, June 22, 2009

The Verminator, a Tragic Tail uv Destinee

Hooman doesn't like sales pitches. Iz not hur style, and iz not very fun. But you know wat iz fun? Storees! We likes telling storees on video but we still has no noo video card. We gets one eventually, just not rite nao. So, here iz a storee fur you. (You can enjoy the storee wifout buying the Verminator, I thinks. I puts it in blue block so you know primate correkted mai speling.)

∞ The Verminator ∞

In 1984, a waitress in Los Angeles discovered a laser pointer on the floor while setting up a mouse trap after a corporate lunch meeting. Up until that time, laser pointers were used exclusively to torment captive audiences in business meetings.

Taking it home, the young woman soon discovered laser pointers were also useful for tormenting cats, and the red dot went the way of the marble and the weasel ball.

In 2029, O-Hai-net, a computer network entirely run by LOLcats, took over the internet and barred all humans from electronic interaction until they could gain access to their opposable thumbs. With the help of a small, enthusiastic team of sympathetic human engineers aggravated with the switch from slides and laser pointers to Powerpoint presentations entirely made of text, O-Hai-net sent a cyborg kitty back to 1984 to stop the woman who originally repurposed the laser pointer as a cat toy.

Armed only with a laser pointer of his own, the Verminator appeared in the middle of a business meeting, spotted a nommy mouse making off with a cheese puff, and gave chase.

He nommed the mouse, and the cheese puff, but he dropped his laser pointer under a table.