Do you know what’s a crime? Rape. And do you know what isn’t a crime? Getting sloshed. And yet, however many times this is stated, the edict that gets trumpeted out is aimed at women — don’t drink! — rather than at potential perpetrators: don’t rape.

The latest exponent of this message is Judge Mary Jane Mowat, who (praise the Lord!) retired earlier this month. She’s joining such sages on sexual violence as Cosmopolitan agony aunt Irma Kurtz, who last year advised women not to get boozed up with the boys. But it matters more coming from Mowat’s mouth, because she’s been presiding over rape cases and determining sentences for 18 years.

Except that’s not what the law says. If a victim is incapacitated through alcohol or drugs, then she or he — and yes, men get raped too, Mowat — isn’t capable of giving consent. It’s not enough for a defendant to say: “We were both paralytic but she’d been giving me the eye all night.” To improve the rate of rape convictions, it’d help if judges ensured juries knew that.

There’s a broader problem here too, though. Mowat is helping to perpetuate the idea that there’s a perfect female victim: sober, sensible and covered-up. And then if any woman hasn’t lived up to these ideals, she is deemed to have left herself vulnerable. The implication is that she’s partially culpable. That view stops some women coming forward, fearing they will be the one who is judged. Only an estimated 15 per cent of rape survivors report the crime to the police.

According to the Nia project, which campaigns to end violence against women, most victims are sober. But harping on about drunk women masks the real problem, anyway. It’s that all too often, those reporting such crimes aren’t believed. Just look at the grooming of girls by paedophile gangs in Rotherham. Girls repeatedly reported the abuse but were ignored.

Instead of perpetually haranguing women and girls, let’s address potential perpetrators. A good start would be to teach the young about healthy relationships, respect and consent. That isn’t some utopian dream. The author Rachel Vail revealed a perfect example in her son’s college orientation. He was told: “Consent is really too low a bar. Hold out for enthusiasm.”

Bush fires up the wow factor

London is currently experiencing a Bush bubble. This week, anybody with a vague interest in popular culture has felt compelled to profess their love for Kate Bush — even those who only really know who she is because they watched Noel Fielding’s Comic Relief parody.

No wonder, when there’s blanket Bush everywhere. The last person I heard on Tuesday night was a BBC journalist dragged out of the first gig to appear on the World Tonight, then I awoke to more Bush on the Today programme. Twitter, meanwhile, is awash with tweets from those with tickets. Pity the poor fans who aren’t getting to go.

I sense an impending uprising from this unticketed underclass, tired of hearing about the gig to end all gigs, the one you can die happy after seeing. The Bush backlash — the backbush, if you will — is coming.

Man’s best friend should not be a robot

Scientists at the university of Swansea have found that sheepdogs employ just two simple rules to round up a flock. The researchers then created a herding algorithm which could theoretically be used to develop robots that could control livestock. The day of the sheepdrone is nearly upon us.

But why stop at robodogs? As the bee population is dying out, we could create bee-bots to pollinate plants. And why not replace Edinburgh’s pandas — animals with so little interest in their own survival that they hate sex and enjoy only one, nutritionally bankrupt food — with Tian Tian-droids?

Alternatively, we could always fight to protect the species we have and celebrate our four-legged BFFs instead of handing them their K9 P45s. For we have already been offered a vision of a dystopian future where machine mutts reign. Did these scientists not watch Wallace & Gromit: A Close Shave?

Cheer fall in house profits

Foxtons, that most beloved of firms in the Queen Bee of industries, has declared that the London property market is finally cooling. The estate agent’s chief executive Nic Budden predicted yesterday that house sales are set to slow, meaning price rises will be reined in.

The shrieks of horror from home-owners will no doubt drown the cheers of wannabe buyers, since this will hardly make the capital affordability central. What’s notable, though, is how badly many home-owners react to suggestions that their properties — a place for someone to live, not a financial asset — might not be quite the money tree of their dreams.

It’s a brave politician who challenges that, trying to dismantle this sense of entitlement to inflating values. But it’s exactly what the capital needs.