Dear Abby.

Wake up, Mom: Sleeping nude no sin

January 23, 2002|By Pauline Phillips and Jeanne Phillips.

Dear Abby: I started college last fall and moved into a dorm. My roommate and I get along great. She sleeps in the nude. It shocked me at first, but the weather was hot, so I tried it. Now I wouldn't sleep any other way.

Last week, while I was visiting my family, my mother came into my room to wake me. She saw my bare shoulders and correctly assumed I was nude underneath the blankets. You should have seen her reaction! She is now convinced that I am sexually active, which I am not. She thinks my roommate and I must be lesbians. (We're both straight.) She says what I am doing is immoral and un-Christian.

Abby, I am a very religious person. I cannot see how sleeping in the nude is immoral. I don't talk about it or prance around nude. How can I convince Mother that what I'm doing is really OK?

-- Feeling The Heat

Dear Feeling The Heat: Nudity is not immoral; it has nothing to do with religion. It is not an indication of sexual activity or lack of it. Nudity is simply a state of undress. You are comfortable with it; your mother is not. You probably can't convince a person who feels that nudity is fundamentally wrong that it's OK. Part of growing up is learning to listen to our conscience and deciding what's right for us. Read on:

Dear Abby: My 16-year-old daughter, "Jenny," sleeps at her best friend's house about once a month. Her friend has a double bed, which they share. I have been fine with this. I have slept in the same bed with other women, and there was nothing sexual about it.

Since last summer, Jenny has been sleeping in the nude. I don't have a problem with that, either. She doesn't parade around the house naked and is quite modest. I started sleeping in the nude when I was 18. Again, there was nothing sexual about it.

The other day, I asked Jenny if she slept in the nude when she was at her friend's house. She said they both did. It has been bothering me ever since. I can't help feeling their friendship is sexual. I'm afraid asking her outright would make her angry or might result in her lying to me, since she knows I would not approve of her having sex with anyone at this age.

Abby, do you think it's possible two 16-year-old girls could share the same bed naked and not be sexually involved? What can I do to ease my mind?

-- Suspicious Mom In Napa, Calif.

Dear Suspicious Mom: Yes, I do think it's possible. However, your question is intriguing. Are there any other reasons you are suspicious? Has she shown an interest in boys?

Your daughter will not become defensive when you talk to her about her sexual orientation unless you appear accusatory or judgmental. You and she are overdue for a frank and loving mother-daughter chat.

----------

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.