Sunday, June 17, 2007

I can't live without you!

"I can't live without you!"

This is a typical line taken from 99% of the Hindi movies, it's a
standard part of the expression of love. Even in English movies.
It's a standard line, it's an oft-used line, it's a sincere line, but
it's not true!
Long time back when I was a teenager, I had a friend. At that age when
you are not allowed to travel too much, and don't have a big internet
circle (come on those were the 80's, and that was India), then the
friends who live on the same street mean a lot to you. This guy was a
little older than me and not considered good company in the eyes of my
parents. I didn't learn any bad habits in his company. I did learn to
read in his company. His dad's business was such that they used to get
a lot of second-hand books which I had full access to because of my
friend. But other than the free-books facility, he was a daily-meet
kind of friend and fun to be with. A cool kind of guy, you know. I
learnt a lot of things from him.
And then he moved away! The period just before his going away was one
of the saddest of my life. Till date. He was a close friend and a damn
good friend!
The last lesson that I learnt from him was not from him but from his
moving away. I had been dreading the time when I would not have him to
hang out with but I could not do anything about it! But then, after he
was really gone, I found that life still went on. Not only did I learn
to be happy without him but I did not miss him that much as time went
on.
That was my first lesson in life that people come and go but life goes on.
Yes, my point is that we can live without anyone. Even the ones that
we think we can't live without. My opinion is that it is better to be
the kind of person whocan live without anyone. Sure, the homo sapiens
is a social animal and sure we should learn to love and be loved but
we have to have that zest for life, that happiness within us. I forget
the source of the quote but I read one that said that we cannot rely
on our mate, present or any imaginary perfect someone, to make us
happy.
If you are able to live with yourself, not needing anyone, then you
have found that source of happiness, the fountain of youth, the stream
of life which makes you complete! Then you can easily share that
happiness, that flow of energy with anyone and everyone who comes in
contact with you. Then you don't have to worry that the other person
is not a 'special someone' or a friend or a family member. Then you
are like a stream of happiness, a source of love and life that anyone
can dip his hands into.
Then when you meet someone, that special someone, they will not
complete your life, they will make it overflow with joy!
On the other hand, if you 'cannot live without someone', that someone
being a particular person or one you are searching for, you are
accepting and thereby creating a void (,
read about it here Ontological Undecidability or more accurately Schrodinger's cat) in your life.
And when you are incomplete, your expectations from the other person
rise, and that may easily cause a relationship to fail or a search to
go unfinished.
In one of Seinfeld's stand-up comedy bits he was talking about those
advertisements that say, "If you watch just one movie this summer,
make it this one". He says, "I don't like the kind of pressure it puts
on this one movie. If I was going to watch 4 movies, this one has to
be as good as those 4."
He was joking but we are not joking when we want a lifetime of
happiness from one person, real or imaginary. We are putting too much
pressure on that one image, the one Mr. or Miss Right. That in itself
is a recipe for disaster.
The equation for interpersonal relationships that I like is the one
described by Stephen R. Covey in his book 7 habits of Highly Effective
People: 1 + 1 > 2.
You can live without them but living with them is added bonus, a
celebration of life, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! And
that, is worth searching for! :-)