Holy crap balls – Cheryl Cole has decided that she doesn’t want to be famous and is taking a break from the world of celebrity. ‘But how long will the break be?’, you whine in our heads. Well, we don’t know. Cheryl doesn’t even know.

This week, Cheryl did some fairly detailed and thorough sharing with a friend about her dramatic decision, who seems to have run straight to the Sunday Mirror and gabbled everything to a nice newspaper man.

According to this gobby mate, Cheryl said: “I need a break. I need to rest and I need to reassess what I’m doing with my life. I haven’t had a break for nine years and I’m exhausted from it all. For once now I am going to take some time out.

“I’ve not worked for a few weeks now and for once I don’t have to worry about anything. For once I can have some time for myself – not worry about X Factor, not worry about recording an album, not worry about anything.

“Suddenly I’m under no pressure and I actually feel the happiest I’ve felt in a long, long time. I’ve got a big place, I have enough money – and if I never get photographed again, I don’t care.”

Alright, no need to brag about your big house in north London, love. Oh sorry, you’re not finished ranting? Soz.

Cheryl continued to tell her so-called friend: “I’ve always had people saying ‘we need to put an album out, we need to record it now’ and ‘we have to rehearse for this tour and that tour’ and ‘now we need to do auditions for X Factor’.

“I need to take a good few months off now – something I’ve never done before.

“I’ve always recorded an album with Girls Aloud, always to be released in the autumn, and we’d go on tour the following year... then that happened with my solo career as well.

“So, when the last Girls Aloud album finished, I went straight from the studio, did the Girls Aloud tour in the spring, released an album in the autumn and then did X Factor on top of that. There’s been no break in nine years.”

Well, there you have it. Chezza has decided to sod off for a bit. It’s thought that she may not return before next year – with her mate saying that she’s sick of the catty world of celebrities.

Mrs Mate said: “She’s had enough of all the hustle, bustle, backbiting and bitching that goes with keeping up a career in showbiz – especially in America. She’s learned in the most severe way how cruel and demoralising this industry can be.

“Her whole life has been spent squeezing into tiny dresses and fake tan but she’s just not interested any more. All she ever wanted to do was be a singer, she’s not worried about conquering America.

“The main thing in her life is her close friends and family. She’s spending time with them and thinking about a well-deserved holiday.”