18 Months Post Op

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I cannot believe it's really been that long since I had my gastric bypass. I really need to post new photos as I haven't taken any or posted new ones since July of last year. I think I need them to get myself motivated and going once again.

Saw my surgeon and on his scale my weight was up 5 lbs since July. He was not amused; neither am I! I have honestly been having a LOT of issues with food. I have been stress eating and that means eating whatever I can get my hands on. Unfortunately, at work that means things like chips, cookies, chocolate (I don't even like chocolate, really), etc. I tried sticking gum in my mouth, it just makes me want to eat more. I am eating all day long and it has to stop. I need better coping skills, especially at work. This is why I need a need a new therapist. The one I have now is not addressing any of the food issues and that's why I started going to therapy in the first place. The nurse gave me a card for a doctor that they send people to for psych clearance prior to surgery. I will call today to find out if my insurance will pay for him. If so, I'm going to switch and see where it leads. This doctor is experienced in treating people pre and post op for bariatric issues.

As for the lump in my leg, the surgeon was surprised by the ortho doctor's assessment. He still totally disagrees and says it is a cyst that needs to be traced to the joint but he is not going to fight the ortho doc on it. He said there is no reason that it HAS to come out. I can watch it. If it seems to be getting larger, becames tender or painful, or there is any issue with it, I will let him know and he will go back in and remove it again. No guarantees that it will not continue to come back so ... I am opting to leave it in right now. It is not affecting my quality of life. He feels there is no danger of it becoming cancerous. It does not hurt and is barely noticeable most of the time. I'm okay with leaving it alone for now.

As for the tummy surgery, he suggested I sock away $500 a month to pay for it next year. His fee is $3500 and the hospital would be about $300 he claims. Yeah, right! He may have that kind of extra money, being a doctor and all, but I certainly don't. I'm going to have to try to get my PCP to help me prove it is medically necessary. That's the only way insurance will pick it up. I think this will be a hard battle to win. I don't have rashes, at least not any that are that bad. I do have back pain and the inability to stand up straight because of the stomach weight causing me to lean forward. It flops around and is really annoying, especially when I'm exercising and really irritating in my water aerobics class. Seriously, I need Dr. Phil, Oprah, or even Maury to become my best friend and pay for the surgery! Guess I'd better start looking for a really good girdle and learn how to roll and tuck. *sigh*

Went to my exercise class last night. It was good. My muscles ache a little bit. I like that. It means I worked hard. Water aerobics tonight. It's raining outside so no walk outside tonight. I'm not committed enough to walk in the rain. One day maybe I will buy rain gear so I can and will but not today. I am going to start walking as soon as I get home from work every night. The rain and gloom pretty much matches my mood right now.

That's about it for me. I try to focus on how far I've come and tell myself I will get where I am going. Like all things I want, I want it now! I have done well. I need to re-focus and get my head back where it belongs. My surgeon told me he knows I will be a complete success story keeping the weight off because one day I will be ticked at myself and just get it done! He's pretty much right on the money. That's how I started this whole process. I'm getting close to being there once again and maybe anger at myself is what I need to push me forward. No looking back. Get through each day without eating all day and eating the things I don't need and I'll be okay.

God bless you all. I read here at SP and it helps me to stay encouraged and does motivate me. Without all my friends here, I would be hard pressed to keep going.

My suggestion for work until you find the professional you like to talk to would be .. to journal or write, or get your feelings out with a mini recorder on your phone or computer, etc. - something non food related. If that's not doable, then taking healthy snacks might help lesson that anxiety of doing the wrong thing.

You have come soo far with fabulous results! I don't even know you and I'm proud of you! You rock!

Karon, you have done a wonderful job on your journey so far, and I have no doubt you will go as far as you want to go. It's amazing to me that you've been on a plateau for so long and not given up -- that speaks loads of your character and staying with something until it's done. Finding new behaviors to cope with stress (other than eating) is hard, and I can totally relate to it. Hopefully the new therapist is covered by insurance and will be helpful to you. Sometimes another set of eyes can see what we can't. You will beat it, though, because that's what you do!

I also hope you and your docs can find a way to get the tummy surgery covered. My insurance wouldn't cover removing the "apron" back when I lost all that weight in 2001. In 2002 I ended up needing an incisional hernia repair (complications from the cancer surgery 2 years before), and the surgery ended up having to remove the "apron" so they could close the new incision. It wasn't a pretty job (not plastic-surgery quality) but that didn't matter to me -- it was gone and it was amazing (the skin is again a little saggy there since I gained the weight back, but nothing like it was originally). I hope the docs will find a way to help you get yours done, too. You'll be amazed at the difference! (It just hit me -- they cover reduction mammoplasties for women who have back/shoulder problems related to big boobs -- why not use similar reasoning for the "apron" since it's bothering your back as well? Might be another angle to pursue anyway.)

Hang in there, Karon. I don't think a lot of people could survive the stress you're under and still manage to lose all the weight you've lost. You are a true inspiration!