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Mr. Big

And now it’s time for one of my favorite seasons of SATC, and a great premiere episode to boot.

We see the girls in a ferry, pondering their single-ness despite the overwhelming number of single men. This time they are going to Staten Island for Carrie to judge a hot fireman contest. I’m not from New York, but meeting men from this island must be a shady prospect.

While Samantha is in testosterone heaven, Carrie is getting hit up by another judge, a politician named Bill Kelley. Doesn’t she recognize him as that sketchy politician from Desperate Housewives, or that corrupt ad man from Mad Men. Jeez, Carrie, you really need to get out more.

Miranda has retrieved drinks, a local version of a Long Island Iced Tea. They’re so potent Miranda thinks that they may get her drunk enough to let Samantha have sex with her.

Samantha already has her sight set on sleeping with a sexy fireman, and Charlotte can’t even because she’s just a goody good who wants to get married.

I must say that the fireman that seems to transfix them is not very cute. I wouldn’t show him my lower anything.

After a quick scene of a pre-Beyonce single ladies dance moves, Samantha makes her move on Ricky. He’s not too bright. Samantha has to practically move herself to climax to give him the idea that he could join her. Really, Samantha, is it worth that kind of special needs service?

Samantha and Bill share a cigarette break. He’s definitely interested, but she’s not sure she’s going to have it, despite her flirtatious come backs. She winds up giving her address to him so he can “check her district”. However, she stops short at giving her phone number. Because she has limits?

Carrie and Miranda look for Charlotte, and Samantha has departed with Ricky for some remedial level love making. Charlotte is now absolutely drunk. She’s dancing solo to “Doctor’s Orders” by Carol Douglas in one of my favorite scenes in the show ever.

On the boat home, Carrie and Miranda try to contain the intoxicated ramblings of a marriage-obsessed Charlotte.

Meanwhile, Samantha is getting it on. What’s new…

The next morning she can’t even shut up about it. Like a gay man, she thinks that cock talk is appropriate for breakfast conversation. It’s funny to see the girls hungover and barely functioning. Charlotte goes on again about wanting to be saved by her white knight.

Thus is Carrie’s theme for the week formulated; do women just want to be rescued?

Miranda is at her eye doctor’s office getting some orders of her own. She’s having eye surgery, but is told she will need someone to help her. Resistant to needing a white knight, she even evades Steve’s offers to help, just like she evades putting a label on their resurrected sex life.

Charlotte and Carrie are out together in some lounge so Charlotte can find a husband. Is that really where you’d like to go, honey, considering that some skeez bag named Jay Jay keeps accosting you? It doesn’t matter since some tall, blond, and strangely aggressive white knight comes in to save Charlotte from her plight. Maybe you can meet men in bars…

The next day Carrie goes shopping. Upon her return home, she finds Bill waiting for her. Creep. Does actor John Slattery actually act, or is he really like this, considering all his characters are the same? Oh well, he pressures Carrie into a date.

Now we see shitty Carrie make a return when she ditches helping Miranda on the day of her surgery to get ready for this date. Miranda takes it in stride, and attempts to handle it all on her own, ever the independent woman.

Charlotte is on her first date with the white knight. Just as they bond over ideal marriages, he gets huffy over some guy bumping Charlotte’s chair. This leads to him assaulting the guy and threatening a waitress. See? You can’t meet men in bars, Charlotte.

Miranda is drugged up, and incapable yet she still has the willpower to resist Steve’s assistance, but he overcomes this and manages to get this disgruntled sleeping beauty to bed. When she awakens, she sees clearly that Steve is right next to her, and perhaps is worth more consideration than to be merely an ex that she sleeps with.

Across town, Samantha eagerly anticipates hanging out with Ricky at the fire station. The reality no where nearly matches her fantasy. Instead of the place being full of hot, model-like life savers, it’s full of regular guys who watch sports and eat life savers.

Samantha, however, is determined to get something fantastic out of this dreary reality and make a hot scene of her own. After she gets a bowl of that fresh chili that Ricky put on. Talk about hot stuff…

Carrie, still paralyzed by the trauma that is a second break up with Mr. Big. Bill leaves of after patiently waiting, and Carrie calls Miranda for some emergency assistance. Miranda and her newfound clarity inform Carrie that she afraid to get hurt again, which is what Carrie’s been afraid to admit to herself.

So off she runs to the party to meet Bill, where she admits that she did have a bad break up, and wants to take things slowly.

Back at the fire station, Samantha slides down the fire house pole, just the first pole she’ll ride that evening. After having sex against the fire engine, Ricky shows Samantha around the place, and begins to explain why all the uniforms are set up on the floor. Just as he is about to verbally explain the vigilance a fire fighter must maintain, the alarm goes off, and so he shows it in action instead.

He swiftly runs off, abandoning Samantha to get yelled at by another fire fighter whose gear she was sexily trying on. In true Samantha fashion, she attempts to act modestly despite the obviousness of her sexual escapades that evening. When all is said and done, her fantasy ends with her being left nearly naked and vulnerable, in class such of an older couple on the street that prudent hasn’t had sex since the Reagan administration.

While Carrie is getting ready to leave and catch her fairy, I mean ferry (the fairy tale allusions in this episode are over the top), she begins to make out with her politician prince. So much for moving slowly.

Unfortunately, moving quickly now still doesn’t get her to the ferry in time. Like Cinderella before her, she loses a shoe as the clock strikes midnight, but unlike Prince Charming, Bill is there in moments with his BMW. After he saves her, Carrie saves him with some driving directions. There ends the tale, that opens Season 3.

Carrie is picking out flowers. While she is doing so, Miranda spots her ex, Steve, walking down the street. Miranda panics and runs. Charlotte is scandalized, of course.

Miranda muses about her inability to befriend an ex and says she pretends they don’t exist, while Samantha shares that men aren’t where she gets her friends, just her flings. Charlotte actively withholds friendship from any man who won’t love her.

Carrie is the only one who seems to have an issue with this, mostly because her ex is getting married and she doesn’t know how to let everything go with him, even if she can’t have everything with him. Then they bad mouth Natasha. That’s my girls.

Carrie’s article begs the question: can you be friends with an ex?

Miranda’s blissful ignorance is destroyed when Steve stakes her out at the apartment just to tell her she is shitty and that she hurt his feelings. Then she cries.

It sucks even you realise you’re a shitty person.

Then Steve defused the whole thing so that he can tell Miranda that she’s got boogers in her nose. He then suggests they try to be friends since their history with each other is hard to ignore.

Charlotte also has a hard time ignoring her past, but since she isn’t dating anyone, she reminisces about her days horseback riding that ended when her horse threw her.

And speaking of getting thrown by horses, Samantha encounters a stallion of a man in the street that she can’t wait to tame. I wish I could get guys to ask for my number just by walking past them on the street. Mr. Cocky gives her his number for a “friendly little fu- drink”.

Carrie finally gets the nerve to confront her past, but when she calls Big’s place, Natasha answers. But Big has caller ID, so when she hangs up, she realizes she has to call back or look crazy.

When she does, Big answers, thankfully, but awkwardness still ensues. They awkwardly agree to meet for a drink to establish the rules for friendship.

Later, they meet for their lunch. It’s still awkward. Carrie nearly falls to her death on a sneaky stair. They’re both nervous, so having a sober lunch is out of the question.

Flash forward, and they are tipsy and Carrie complains about Big’s Blood Sweat and Tears music collection. She tries to listen to Big talk about Natasha, but realizes that unless they are really serious about a significant other, that she’d rather they not talk about their love lives.

But… Big is serious with Natasha. They’re engaged.

Well, this sends Carrie into shit storm mode. How can Big may a girl when he told Carrie he never wanted to be married again? She accuses him of stringing her along and she makes the most ridiculous scene. Then she almost knocks over her chair, and kills herself on the dangerous stair, and causes a waiter to drop a bunch of metal.

Typical Carrie.

The next day, Carrie attempts to support Charlotte while she mounts a horse. What she really wants to do is bitch about breaking in Big while another woman saddles him up, and smoke in inappropriate places. Charlotte backs out her horseback experience.

Samantha on the other hand, is just starting hers. But before they get hot and heavy, he stops to warn Samantha about something. Oh no…

Is he married.

Does he have an STD?

Is he gay?

Nope. Not only is he a stallion, apparently he is hung like one too. While Samantha celebrates hitting the penile jackpot (especially after the tiny dud that James was at the beginning of the season), Mr. (Huge) Cocky says that he is, in fact, really huge and that others have complained he is too big.

Samantha brushes that off. She’s practically a pro cock jockey, but reality sets in and she is speechless. And likely gagged.

She complains to Carrie, but expresses her determination to mount him any way. He may be too big but until Goldicocks finds one that is just right, she needs to break some sex records.

That night, Miranda and Steve have a nice friendly dinner. But friendly turns to frisky and they wind up sleeping together. So much for friendship.

Also that night, Samantha takes a hit of pot and hopes she’s still limber from yoga so she can attempt to tackle Mr. Cocky’s tackle. What kind of yoga helps with that?

Seriously, let me know in the comments.

She thinks she’s making progress, but it really turns out to be too much. Just when she thinks she’s got the hang of mister hung, he asks if she’s, ahem… ready for more.

Nope, nope, nope, and she fends off Mr. Cocky and his meat. Sometimes too much is really too much. Been there, done that, honey… no shame in it.

On a positive note, Samantha attempts to make her first male friend.

We never see him again, so apparently that didn’t work out.

The next day, Charlotte is trying again to get to know a horse, too, and unlike Samantha, she manages to successfully mount and ride him.

Across town, Big tries to call Carrie while she is screening, so he leaves a remorseful message. He laments hurting her, and as soon as he says as much Carrie picks up the phone. They clear the air between each other and realize that it’s time for them each to move on, friends or not, but hopefully as friends.

But then Carrie gets an engagement invitation in the mail. Crap.

The day of the engagement pretty, Carrie and the girls have some drinks. Then they begin gushing about “The Way We Were”. As a total chick film, Samantha has never seen it, which allows the girls to explain to the audience the significance if the film and how it resembles Carrie and Big.

They begin to sing the closing song of the film which puts Samantha in an awkward spot. She likely ricochets between horror and embarrassment, but ultimately she cries. Not because of the other girls’ mediocre singing, but because she misses James. It turns out that her encounter with a monster penis made her realize that size isn’t everything, and that maybe she does want a man who truly loves her instead of hook ups the rest of her life.

And that’s where Carrie leaves them, and goes to mak peace with Big. She has just one question, “Why wasn’t it me?”

Big says, very little, but it turns it that Natasha is a simple girl whereas Carrie is complex. She says, “Your girl is lovely, Hubble,” echoing that final scene. Carrie has a moment with a horse herself as she watches a man attempt to put a bridle on a rather spirited mare.

Perhaps that is what Carrie is.

And that’s how we end on season two. Miranda has slept with an ex. Samantha tried sleeping with a horse-hung man, but wound up missing an ex. Carrie said goodbye to an ex, and Charlotte rode a horse.

We start with a Brady Bunch type montage. This group of people proves to be dysfunctional enough that they have time left over in their summer time share in the Hamptons. So they call Charlotte to offer her a great deal for the rest of the summer.

Charlotte pitches the opportunity to the girls, mentioning some rather foreshadowy consequences like one of them being married or having kids. This summer fling is the last they’ll be able to have just as a foursome, she argues.

They all give in. Summer party with the girls!

Samantha happens to have an employee who’s been spending some time at party house in the Hamptons herself. She’s kind of obnoxious, so when Samantha fires her, it’s a welcome sight.

This begins the girls’ vendetta against twenty-something girls. While she was waiting foe the rest, Charlotte met a young 26 year old. She’s off to a fun start.

When they arrive all they can do is bitch about being cynical and the musty odor permeating the house. The little boy Charlotte met comes by to invite them to a beach bonfire. Oh, and Charlotte is pretending she’s 27 so the guy won’t be scared of her “old” lady parts.

They get to the bonfire where everyone is getting drunk on kegs and flailing around to Fatboy Slim’s “Praise You”. Looks like a good time until chicks start puking. At least they hold each other’s hair.

Carrie, trying to leave, runs into her biggest fan. She’s so adoring it’s sickening. In the days prior to social media it was easier to avoid these people.

Miranda, the next morning, takes step outside with her coffee to enjoy the beachy morning after having a bitchy night. She about steps in vomit. It’s Charlotte’s, it turns out, and she spent the night passed out drunk with her boy toy. He’s there too. Oh, kids in their twenties.

Back in the city during the week, Carrie reminisces about her own twenties. Great skin tone, innocence, men who don’t know how to have good sex, bad apartments, fashion mistakes… yep, sounds about right.

Later, she goes out to a book signing with her stalker. She tries to be mentor-ish, but winds up talking about sex and making the young one get them drinks. That sounds perfect.

Carrie runs into a doctor who is supposedly foxy. He’s not ugly, but I remember him playing one of the odd aliens in Galaxy Quest, so that’s all I can think of when I see him. By Grabthar’s hammer…

Anyway, they exchange numbers and agree to meet in the Hamptons.

During a cloudy day at the beach, the women marinate in spf 45 sunscreen. The doctor tracks down Carrie. They chit chat, but while he takes a dip, Carrie laments that he is good on paper. Which means he’s likely bad in bed.

Charlotte brings around her boy toy, which darkens the other girls’ day considerably. She suggests they make Long Island teas, which every kid in his or her twenties thinks is cool.

Carrie and the doctor walk on the beach for more chit chat. He seems really eager, which is a turn off for me, but Carrie has been single for a while so she gives him permission to bother her more.

Back at the house, Carrie discovers unwanted visitors. And Samantha gets invited to her former employee’s supposedly “big” blowout party, which threatens to upstage her professional P.R. image. Unwanted visitor #1 is Laurel, Carrie’s adoring fan. She’s hanging out in Carrie’s room. Unwanted visitor #2 turns out to be an infestation of crabs in Charlotte’s pubic area.

Welcome back to your twenties, dear, though I never caught anything in my twenties…

The infestation scares Carrie out of the house, and she takes refuge at the doctor’s abode. They only sleep despite his humorous attempts to portray sexiness. By Grabthar’s hammer…

The next night they attend Nina’s party. Samantha feels down since the party is so impressive. Charlotte confronts her boy toy about the crabs he gave her. He morally retorts by calling out the deceit of lying about her age. The whole argument is petty. Lesson learned: don’t sleep with douche-y twenty something guys.

Behind the scenes, Samantha learns the party is out of control. Nothing pleases her more than using her experience to smooth out the party’s kinks, and furthermore she introduces Nina to Charlotte’s crabby boy toy. Ah, sweet revenge, and it’s itchy.

Carrie is tracked down by her fan, but by now she’s had enough and ditches her, only to see Mr. Big.

With a twenty-something girl.

They met in Paris while he was working there.

He’s been back in town for a week.

Her name’s Natasha.

Talk about a “big” blowout party. The whole confrontation is enough to turns one’s stomach. Which it does, and Carrie runs out to the beach to vomit under the fireworks. Miranda holds her hair.

He’s bitching about how women always find a way to break up with him. Girls just aren’t that into him. It’s also funny to see how Miranda throws every break up line in the book at the poor guy.

On another date, Miranda just had dinner with Kevin, a bitchy little pipsqueak of a lawyer. All they do is bicker, but it only serves as foreplay. Miranda hates how he is bossy, except when they are having sex where he is really, really bossy.

She shares this story with the girls wearing the ugliest hat ever, and tries to make excuses for his behavior. Carrie, dressed like a Bavarian, attempts to diagnose the girls by picking out the “types” they choose.

Another interview montage plays. I’m glad I’ve stopped counting, and I’m sure the last one is coming soon. Dare I say this one? No, because I’ve been wrong before and if I am again I will lose the credibility that comes from having watched these episodes dozens of times.

Later, while in bed alone, Samantha overhears her neighbors having sex through her wall. That always sucks. I used to have neighbors a floor above me and, damn, they were loud fuckers (literally!). I thought their bed was going to cave in my ceiling and we’d wind up in the worst threesome ever. Samantha, however, uses this as an opportunity to pleasure herself, which was honestly the last thing on my mind when I heard my neighbors screwing.

Carrie is still pining over Big and winds up calling her go to guy for post-break up sex. And it’s the guy from all the insurance commercials (Dean Winters) who personifies all the evil happenings that can damage your property. Here, he personifies a cute guy who has a boring job with a phone company. The two set up “drinks” within moments.

He arrives promptly. She doesn’t even have time to pop the cork in her wine before her guest is popping out of his pants. In a few minutes they start doing the “shaky shaky” and, after a minute of post-coital catching up, they part ways. Done and done. That’s how a hookup works.

But then Carrie ruins it, she sets up “dinner” as in a date, thus attempting sexual alchemy by trying to convert the lead that is a Fuck Buddy into the gold that is boyfriend material. Samantha is scandalized as if Carrie bathed in sewage. Charlotte has the nerve that ask what a Fuck Buddy is in the middle of yoga, and she gets an answer (Dial-a-Dick according to Samantha) that should resolve any questions the audience may have on the topic.

Charlotte, either inspired or corrupted by her friends, breaks her own rule by asking a guy out on a date. So forward!

Carrie is waiting on her “date”. He is surprised that she actually meant dinner. It’s sushi, so at least he still gets the raw fish he was expecting. He turns out to have no charisma outside of the bedroom. He even attempts to serenade her with a calling plan. Ooooh….

The poor guy even makes cheesy jokes. Sake it to me! Um…

At least they have sex.

Samantha has a date of her own with the sexual sound that penetrates the wall from her neighbors. She gets a bit too loud in her co-moaning that they hear, and rap on the shared wall. Scarily enough, Samantha responds. Ew…

The next day, Miranda fearfully prepares for Kevin’s arrival to meet the girls. Charlotte brags about double-booking dates. Kevin does little to impress the girls, barking orders to the waitress.

Later, Charlotte begins her night of double dating, but winds up over-staying in her first date. She feigns sickness, even though the guy turns it to be really great.

Samantha, meanwhile, gets an invitation from her neighbors. The janitor seems to think they are attractive, which is enough for Samantha to consider accepting.

Back to Charlotte, her second date is quite the handsome stud, and sparks are definitely flying here, which is witnessed by Charlotte’s first date, who drops by her place to leave her some soothing broth. Caught red-handed, or red-lipped, or whatever Charlotte faces the scrutiny of both her dates, who wind up leaving together and Charlotte is at a loss for the night.

Samantha eagerly goes to greet her sexy new neighbors, but they are a bit less than what she expected, and just asks them the shut up. I guess Samantha isn’t into older old-world couples.

The next day Miranda is excited to celebrate with Kevin his becoming partner at his law firm. Hoping this could be the end of his bitchiness, she orders a bottle of champagne. Kevin promptly dismisses the gesture proving that he will always be an ass. She leaves and demands he never call her again. Why would he want to? Who knows…

Oddly enough, Miranda runs into Skipper, who is entirely too jaded at this point to take any more of Miranda’s crap. He even says “melk” instead of milk, which would be enough to deter me. Still, Miranda pursues him, but this is the last of Skipper. Thank goodness.

A few nights later, Carrie tries another date with her Fuck Buddy. Other than having genitals that ache for each other, they have nothing in common. They finish the night without sex, and Carrie is left to deal with her post-break up malaise alone.

Miranda is at her gynecologist. Her sex life has become so dull that she’s dropping her birth control, which doesn’t sound like such a good idea anyway, but overly dramatic people will say anything to get attention.

Then her doctor tells her that she’s got a lazy ovary. Apparently, that will make it harder for her to have kids. Charlotte has a tilted uterus, she says at breakfast or whatever meal they’re having, so she too is reproductively challenged.

Is the light funny, or am I just seeing a lot of foreshadows?

Samantha complains about her lady parts doctor, that all that digging around with a bill instead of a climax is no fun.

About as fun as dropping condoms out of your purse, which Carrie does to fit in with the theme of the conversation. She complains that she doesn’t have a place for her things at Big’s so she has to become a mobile prophylactic center.

While sharing underwear stories, Miranda brings up now ex Steve and her ovary’s condition. Way to kill the convo, dear.

In an attempt to stake her claim on Big’s life, Carrie begins leaving things at his place. Watch the snow ball snow ball from here.

Charlotte decides to take a vacation from men by having dinner with a gay friend (the best kind). Everything is just fabulous, until he kisses her good night. Is this gay friend policy, now?

It’s at this point that the episode indulges in more judgmental categorizing that only makes sense in New York, and thus makes sense to no one except the writers of this episode.

Is he a gay straight man, or a straight gay man? Thanks, girls, for making things needlessly more complicated.

Speaking of complications, Samantha spots an ex who dumped her while Miranda junks up her drinks with hormones for her ovary and Carrie brags about her tiny purse and her first “Big” dump.

Now Charlotte’s world is rocked. Not only is a gay man asking her on dates, and Carrie is doing the number 2 at a boyfriend’s place (scandalous!), she discovers Samantha actually loved a man once, and that he broke her heart.

So Samantha strides over, determined to one up him by seducing him and then ditching him out if spite.

Big is also feeling a bit of spite, by bringing Carrie’s things back to her. How thoughtful. Carrie hashes it out with him, and Big fails to see what the deal is, because he is more than happy with their separation of things.

This gets Carrie thinking about the episode’s thin as ice theme, about women evolving. Let’s skip pondering it and just skip ahead to Samantha putting her plan into action.

But first, Charlotte tries her date with the gay man, who continues to baffle her, by alternately out gaying himself, and putting the moves on her.

Samantha changes her plan when she sleeps with her ex.

Charlotte also alters her plan to solve the mystery of sexuality by bringing Carrie and Stanford in to meet the baffling boyfriend. Even Stanford’s gaydar doesn’t seem to work. Unlike many gay men I know, Stanford immediately concedes without the snarkiest of comments that Stefan in straight.

Meanwhile, Miranda accepts a date with a by the numbers straight man who is fighting his male pattern balding with hair plugs, and plugs up Miranda’s ovary problem with typical chauvinism.

He shows no sympathy toward her fertility issues, and actually insults Miranda’s thoughts on the matter. She shuts him and his lazy receding hairline down, and has a date with vodka at home instead of with this creep.

While Miranda cools down with a chilled cocktail, Charlotte and Stefan heat up other kinds of tails, all to the music of Cher. Charlotte finally confronts him on his sexuality. He explains rather deftly that if he were gay, he’s set up for it quite well, but he just isn’t into peen like he is Cher. And Charlotte.

So maybe, and implausibly, he is straight after all.

The next morning, Samantha’s plan backfires. She lingered too long with the man she loved, delayed too long her revenge, and Dominic dumps her again. Maybe she wasn’t that kind of woman after all, but Dominic was still an ass hat.

Also the next morning, Charlotte is enjoying the most fabulous post-coital brunch any woman has ever had with a man until a mouse invades their gay little time. Between Stefan acting more girly about it than her and the fact that his fabulous abode was infested with mice, Charlotte calls it quits.

Also that morning, Carrie decides to be passive aggressive about the whole leaving things issue, and gets ready to remove herself. However, she finds a photo of her and Big stashed away which reminds her that having her there really does mean something to Big, even if he doesn’t want her crap lying around.

Carrie and Big are enjoying their rehash relationship, which includes Italian food where Big is well known (because he’s Italian?). Carrie is shocked when he officially calls her his girlfriend.

Big then gets roped into singing karaoke, and Carrie falls more in love, because mediocre singing really must turn her on.

Across town, Miranda is on a date at a comedy club. Everything within her that cries out for women’s rights is appalled at the crude comedian. She is goaded into answering her date ‘s phone while he is away. It’s just his wife calling. Not knowing what is worse, being on a date with a lying married man or being embarrassed in front of the crude comedian, she storms out.

Charlotte tries to make it all better the next day by telling a fairy tale about a married man who leaves his wife for another woman and lives happily ever after. Miranda is too jaded from the night before to fall for it. Just when we are led to believe that Charlotte had no idea what she’s talking about, she uses Carrie and Big as an example for magical relationship happenings.

Samantha, while enjoying a post work Cosmo is hit on by an older man. An old man. After initial skepticism, Samantha winds up considering a geriatric fling. Carrie is shocked when Samantha guesses his age is 72. Whoa.

Later on, we get to see shitty friend Carrie again. She has ditched Miranda at a bar for a veal dinner at Big ‘s. To her credit she is trying to convince him to hang out with her friends, but Miranda isn’t having any of it. Instead, she has another glass of wine and some flirting with an annoying bartender named Steve. Even he has to guess if Miranda is a lesbian or not.

This is how a long ass and rather permanent chapter of this show begins.

So they hook up.

And a hook up is all Miranda thinks it is, because what else would you do with a bartender?

Samantha is enjoying a date with her senior sire. He is playing hide and seek with expensive jewelry during dinner because he wants to play hide and seek with something else later. His maid has clearly seen it all before, and she is more his age, but a rich guy like him would never pursue the help.

He is rather forward later, and Samantha decides to give him and his Viagra a chance. Before it wears off. Unfortunately, once what he is wearing is off, she sees his old man booty and flees the scene.

Back to Miranda, she has a visitor. Her hook up. She doesn’t even remember his name. Like a puppy dog, he says he likes her and wants a date. She tries to wiggle her way out of it, but ultimately can’t turn him down.

Carrie arrives at Big’s place to escort him to the aforementioned night out with her friends. He decides to play the wimp out card and tells her he wants to stay home.

She gets to a club called Denial, which is what she’s in. Even Miranda’s date comes, but not without Miranda demeaning his role merely as a hookup instead of a potential mate. He calls her out on it, but she turns him away. She’s such a bitch about it and goes back to the table ready to show her hatred for all mankind. Carrie is about to break down and admit the truth until ever optimist Charlotte spots Big coming into Denial with the rest of them.

Miranda chases Steve down and decides that maybe there is more to a bartender than just a one night stand.

And Carrie finally feels like she a Big are a real thing.

After the trials of last episode between Carrie and Big, it’s nice to see them escalate a bit. Charlotte is useless in this episode except for her words of hope, so at least she is in character. Samantha’s escapade with grandpa is funny, even if it is humorous at the expense of older people everywhere. And, finally, Miranda’s man-hating ways are confronted by a man who genuinely seems to like her. Not to mention we are introduced to a pretty significant guy.

All in all, a good episode with some funny bits. It’s heavy on the plot, a bit lighter on theme, but it’s important in the grand scheme of things for the things it sets up for the future.

Miranda has had her apartment professionally decorated because she is desperately nervous about having an email man friend, and possibly more, stay as her house guest. The designer has a thing for matching furniture with tacky dancing frogs.

Carrie is also inducted as a house guest by Big through the ritual of being given a spare tooth brush. Big may be back in the picture, but mayhaps things will be better?

Back at Miranda’s place, Jeremy has arrived along with dating fatigue. As Miranda’s eyes gleam with hope of a blissful future with him, she sees his eyes light up when her interior designer arrives with one last piece of furniture.

Hoping to shut down this unplanned and unfair romance before it blossoms, Miranda mentions their dinner plans, but Jeremy is smitten and invites the designer. Miranda spends the entire evening watching a man slip through her fingers with no way to stop it.

A week later, Miranda is throwing him a going away party, because if you let a cute single guy you like stay with you, but he won’t date you, then he needs to get the hell out. Which Jeremy does, and with a fiancee to boot. Miranda’s decorator.

Ice, Miranda says, we need more ice. Presumably to pack around her heart.

As Miranda shares her woes and the girls discuss the bollocks that is love at first sight. Samantha escorts a guy up to Miranda’s party because she believes in knowing who you’ll hook up with at first sight.
Carrie consults Big about love at first sight. She always calls him when she needs a more cynical view on things. Big just sees a chance for sex, which is the same to him as romance.

Okay.
There’s another 4th wall-breaking interview. I have seriously lost track of how many there are in the second season. I thought they were done. I was wrong. This may be the last one.

For whatever reason, Carrie has been asked by the bride to be to write a poem to recite at the wedding. How tacky. What else is tacky? Samantha’s hook up from the other night was a rerun whom she remembers because when he climaxes he screams, “tug my hair”. Yep, she’s starting to make second rounds on the men of Manhattan.

Despite her disgust at Samantha’s escapades, Charlotte is distracted by her role as a bridesmaid and her chance to shine with a sexy black dress she got to choose on her own.

Nothing like a wedding to make singles go crazy.

Crazy is also what Big thinks of Carrie’s poem. I rather like the rhymes he composes, and he surprises everyone, including Carrie and myself by agreeing to attend the wedding with her. Carrie has high hopes about him being there with him which begin to go sour when he opts out of signing Carrie’s card.

We also miss out on a chance to learn his actual name. Drat.

Upon arrival at the wedding, the girls are immediately frustrated. Miranda ditches her post at the guest book, and Samantha makes a beeline for the bar because she runs into her rerun. Charlotte’s the only happy one, because she gets to wear a sexy dress walk down the aisle with a cute groomsman.

In a flash, it’s time for the reception, the fun, and Carrie’s poem. As Carrie prepares to bare her heart in front of people, the only one who matters to her, Big, steps out to take a call. Ouch.

The girls are all pretty pissy by now, except for Charlotte, but more on her in a bit. Carrie’s getting fed up with Big evading involvement with her all day and Samantha isn’t pissy as much as pissed. She’s having a few drinks to dull out the sensation that’s she’s slept with every man in existence. Miranda is saddled with yet another mundane wedding duty: packing up wedding gifts. Her’s is extra heavy and spiteful. She’s regifting the tacky dancing frogs.

I love a good running joke.

All the while, Charlotte had been hitting it off with her aisle escort. While prepping the honeymoon suite they wind up having a roll in the rose petals. Then Charlotte meets the guy’s parents. While she’s convinced that she’s in the express lane to get married, her escort’s dad turns out to be a frisky fellow. When Charlotte tries to explain that she got felt up, she winds up being labeled slutty because of her dress and the whole affair crashes down in flames along with all the other sparks of romance that flare up at weddings like a viral infection.

So it seems Big was a bit too cynical for this whole event. All Carrie wanted was a date to dangle on her arm for the extent of a wedding, but Big knows better that weddings aren’t his style after having been through that stuff before. Carrie concedes that maybe she’s that type too and they leave together as the chicken dance begins. But is she, really? Can she do romance in a cynical way? Can Big ever be the romantic type?

This episode turns out to be one of the more fun episodes in a while, and the wedding themed episodes in this series usually are. They capture that sense of dread and exhaustion that single people feel at these events that everyone who’s not single is oblivious to.

Season two hits a great stride for the rest of the season with some of the more entertaining adventures that can happen when you are out in the dating pool. While later seasons focus on relationships, there’s a feel at this point in the show that celebrates being single, despite the trials one can face.