At first, things seemed fairly run-of-the-mill: Gorgeous celebrity cavorts with rich, less attractive man in the middle of the sea, but just close enough for the photogs to capture. At least General Aladeen knows how to woo a lady.

Photo: FameFlynet Pictures

Everything seems to be going well as they apply sunscreen to each other’s sunkissed bodies. But then either he flashes Elisabetta — or as the photos from Perez Hilton imply, she asked to look at his package — and she rejects him with a slap to the face.

Photo: Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images

Maybe he won’t let her take the photos to TMZ, but something has Aladeen motivated enough to start dragging Elisabetta below deck.

Photo: FameFlynet

And then they threw a body bag over the edge of the boat. Thankfully it was just a bunch of visuals without any context, because we can’t handle another “American women are whores” joke. Although he would be within his rights to mock the lengths to which people will go to stay famous; obviously Elisabetta’s breakup with George Clooney has had her taking on publicity stunts she wouldn’t have had to consider were she still George’s arm candy.