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Dungeons and Dragons Stories #2: George of the One Cheek.

Back in the days with my first campaigning group, my dad would be the Dungeon Master and make up his own modules while my brother, my two childhood friends Martin and Kevin and I would sit there and try to think of the best ways not to die.

I don’t remember which one of my characters I had brought for this adventure, nor do I remember Martin or Kevin’s character, but I do remember my brother had brought his gnome illusionist named George.

This particular adventure starts off with a pretty good task; we’re sent to find out why the forest is dying from the druids. We were travelling through the forest, and we happened across a giant Owl. Now Kevin was one of those kids who would shout out the first random thing that popped into his head. He proceeded to say “IT’S AN OWL WITH A BUTCHER KNIFE! FLAP-CHING! FLAP-CHING!” Needless to say, we were extremely entertained with the idea of an owl with a butcher knife, so that derailed the dungeon for about a minute.

After getting back on track, we found out that if we travelled to the top of a mountain on the other side of the forest, we might find out what’s wrong with the forest, because then we could talk with a dragon who was overseeing the land. But we couldn’t travel that far on our own, so the druids summoned up some pegasi, and we flew to the mountain in style. Except for the fact that we were being chased by some griffons. And griffons love to eat pegasi.

So the griffons started chasing us, and eventually they knock George off his pegasus. While we’re 300 feet in the air. So he’s got some time to try and figure out how to not fall to his death. The problem? George didn’t have the spell Feather Fall, which prevents falling to your death. But what he did have was a Rod of Wonder. And back then, I think my dad was allowing that if he rolled a certain percentage, he would’ve been able to cast feather fall with it.

His first try: Darkness.

His second try: Butterflies.

Before he could try again, the pegasus caught up with him. But because George was pointing downward to try and prevent himself from falling, the pegasus reached for the only thing he could.

His ass.

With his teeth.

But at that point, George was almost at the ground, so the momentum of the pegasus trying not to crash made it so he caught George before he hit the ground, but ended up dropping him.

And thus, that’s how George got his nickname “George of the One Cheek”.

We found out what was causing the forest to decay, and we dispatched of the evil spirit that was lingering in the forest, but really, the only two things we could remember, were George, and that damn owl with a butcher knife.