Ask a Guy, Oral Sex Edition: "I Know My BF Thinks About Other Things When I Go Down On Him! WTF?"

Look away shy readers: this is a racy question I’m about to answer. If you’re kind, magnanimous, thoughtful and generous enough to give your guy a blowie, the very least he can do is picture you in his mind while he’s getting it, right?

I have been sleeping with my friend for over a year. He is not my “man,” we just hook up for great sex. Which is cool. We’re both dominant, with each other. Recently, I wanted to give him a BJ, and have him come that way. He told me he has never come during a BJ before. When I attempt, I can see on his face that he tries to think of other things so he won't cum. What is the deal with that? Is it me?--Shouldbe Ultimate Blower

How do you know he’s thinking about other things so he won’t come? How do you know what he’s thinking at all?

This is something my friends and I have discussed many times before and I feel it’s important to share with my readers: it’s not always easy to come while getting head.

Both men and women can find receiving oral sex difficult in terms of their comfort, emotions, and self-awareness. You are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position as the receiver, and while you’re not exactly undergoing torture, it can be a stressful place to try to orgasm from, no matter what the quality of the head you are receiving. And this goes double if you feel the pressure is on.

So no, it’s probably not you. But let’s talk about that for a second. Why is it so important to you that he think about you while receiving oral sex? I certainly don’t always think about the physical interaction that’s taking place during sex, and I don’t see anything wrong with that but this goes double for a BJ. For all you know, he’s thinking of the thing that turns him on the most, so that he’ll come quicker. Given the warning this guy gave you, I’d be willing to bet that’s what’s going on.

Now, generally speaking, it would be nice if we only thought about each other when we were getting it on, but it would also be kind of boring. Imagination and fantasy don’t have on and off switches. What business of it is yours if his mind wants to wander during sex, never mind where exactly it’s going?

If you really want to get him off with your mouth, as you say you do, I would say the key is to relax him. It is entirely possible that he is simply unable to come from receiving oral sex (you mentioned you’re both dominant; getting head can be quite submissive), but I’d say the best chance to get him to do so will be to take off the pressure.