Wow! It’s none other then 24 year old world famous Danish super model, and future mother of my many children, Nina Agdal.

Could this be true? Could this be real?

Absolutely not. Just another ad. Let’s see what she’s selling:

Nice copywriting, Nina.

Best dating tips you say, well let’s check them out and see how good they are.

5 Online Dating Tips For Women By Nina Agdal

Tip #1: Wear a bright color in your profile pic to stand out.

Nina, I must say, that mustard shirt really brings out your tits eyes. Good on ya.

Peacocks (the male peafowl) are usually the ones showing their feathers to court peahens (the female peafowl). But don’t let that fowl patriarchy hold you down!

Show some color!

Tip #2: Smile! Not smiling in your profile pic reduces your chances for a right swipe.

Nina, I couldn’t agree with you more. About %50 of the women I see on Tinder aren’t smiling. What gives?

Are these women that don’t smile trying look rough and tough? Do these women think we like that? Do some guys like that? I’ve never heard a dude say, “Omg D, her grimace is such a turn on! Her wry amusement makes me feel kind of funny in the pants.”

Also, good call Nina, that mustard shirt looks better around your waist. You should show more skin.

Tip #3: Include a bio in you profile to help start the converstations.

It’s amazing how little info we guys have to work with when it comes to online dating profiles. Ladies, if you just have pictures of you and your friends, and no bio, it’s kind of hard to start the conversation. And we all know you gals aren’t the ones usually making the first move.

A link to your Instagram or Snapchat account doesn’t count. All that tells me is that you’re just a social media horder.

But, then again, that could be your way of filtering out the losers. The guys that add you to all that shit are probably pussies. In that case, very clever ladies, very clever.

But seriously, put something of substance in your profile bio.

Tip #4: 60% of singles prefer an evening date.

Why do you think that is Nina? I’d like to think it’s because singles have shit to do in the day time – like work or school – like I do. But I think it’s because another reason: so they can drink they’re faces off.

There’s something about the night time that brings out peoples darker sides and an excuse to lower inhibitions, especally when drinking.

A caveat to that: summer is coming so patio drinking is upon us. I bet that 60% may drop closer to half in the coming months.

Tip #5: Most singles prefer the clean shaven look for guys.

Nina, I’m not sure I totally agree with you on this one. I’ve had women compliment my manly mane and also my clean shaven countenance.

Which brings me to believe women don’t know what they want. But Nina, you already knew that.

Let’s recap:

5 Online Dating Tips For Women By Nina Agdal

Wear bright colors in your profile pic, because evolution says so

Smile, because nobody likes a Debbie Downer

Include a bio in your profile, becuase we can’t read you goddamn mind, give us something to work with

Suggest a date at night, because people usually have their nights open to getting down and drity

Shave your face, because no woman likes a nu-male faux-beard

Nina, thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to help fellow gals out with the roller coaster ride that is the currect dating market. You’re doing us a great service.

And now, why we all clicked the link to read this post, some pictures of Nina:

The Text

There I was, sitting at a table by myself, while on a break during my co-op placement. Enjoying some blueberries and checking my phone (and checking out potential attractive workplace-hotties walking in and out of the staff room).

I look down at my phone and see a text notification. Well, well, what do we have here. The classic, “Hey…“

Women like to dip in and out of your life (examples here, here, and here ). At least the women you had somewhat of an impact on. Or the ones that are bored. Or horny. Or for really any reason (hopefully the horny one).

It can seem arbitrary when they do send you the, “Hey…” text, but believe me, there’s a method to their madness. They’re bound by their cyclical nature and crafty style.

I shared the text I got on Twitter and asked what people thought about it. Here are some responses:

The Decision

I suppose as long as you’re not butthurt or worried about how you’ll act or feel around your ex, then there’s no harm in catching up. I think.

I hadn’t spoken to her since we had after-breakup-sex. That was October of last year.

Before that I hadn’t seen her since I dropped her shit off, that was a few months even further back, summer time I think.

Let’s have some fun breaking down some of this text, because that’s always fun.

Hey D, long time no talk.

Well ya. Did you expect me to contact you after we broke up? The answer is yes, yes she did.

Was thinking about you lately, this time last year I was at (EDIT: my old apartment) a lot haha.

Remember earlier I said women are cyclical? Well this time of year reminds her of me. She got to thinking how awesome I was (am) and just had to get a hold of me.

Anyway, I was also thinking about how we left off, and how I saw you a couple of months ago and just never txted you after you left.

I thought that’s what exes do – have sex a couple times after breaking up and then ghost each other. Say good-bye to romance and enjoy the decline.

I feel weird about that.

I’m actually curious as to why she feels weird about that. But more importantly, who cares.

Hope all is well, just wanted to say hi

Just wanted to say hi, eh. Somehow I doubt that.

_________

That text could’ve been worse. She could’ve said mean things in it. But it was actually quite cordial and civil.

“So D, what did you end up doing?” you may ask. Well, I did exactly what any recovering beta would do – meet up with the ex and try to get laid.

We met at a pub. Chatted a bit. Went home to my place and had sloppy drunk sex.

Here are some reactions from people when I told them I was going to meet up with the ex:

What Should You Do When An Ex Girlfriend Contacts You?

There are a couple schools of thought on this…

If you aren’t butthurt about replying, go ahead. Use minimal effort though.

Set up a meet and greet ASAP. Don’t, “talk about things”. The most likely reason she is contacting you is to get some dick. Oblige her if you want (especially if you are on a dry streak).

For the love of all that is sacred and holy – WEAR A CONDOM!

or

Let her know your terms for getting back together (I highly do not recommenced this, sex is fine sure, but any other type of commitment, no thanks don’t do it!)

or

The longer you go without finding a new broad the higher the risk of beta behaviours and regression.

Ignore her and carry on with your life (probably the best option, although I’m still trying to practice what I preach, sometimes I just need to get laid ya know?).