Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2000 21:04:59 CST
From: Peter Kamphuis
Subject: Kevin and Justin - Chapter 9
All the usual disclaimers apply: Please stop reading if you are
underage or homophobic.
This is a work of fiction - nothing is being implied about the
sexuality of any of the people portrayed below.
Author's notes:
---------------
I'm almost feeling guilty about the way the story is
progressing... Almost! :)
A lot of people seem to be enjoying it and are obviously hoping
that the protagonists get together soon... But that's not going
to happen for a while!
Please, no matter how 'sad' or 'frustrating' it gets, keep
reading! I'm not doing this just because I like toying with
people's emotions, or to satisfy a (hitherto unknown) sadistic
streak... (honestly Garret!) I'm doing it because I'd like to
show the depth of Kevin's and Justin's feelings for each other...
these guys really ARE soulmates in this piece of fiction! Trust
me on that! :)
Anyway, here we go with another chapter of 'Kevin & Justin'.
***************************************
Previously:
Whilst Kevin and Brian are discussing ways to derail the other
guys' suspicions, Kevin notices Justin running 'happily' after his
lover JC, and breaks down crying. Brian consoles him and orders
him back to the hotel, as he can see that Kevin is not in the mood
to rehearse. A.J. appears just as the limo leaves, and becomes
upset with Brian. Brian tries to cover up for their behaviour,
but A.J. doesn't completely buy it.
Inside the stadium, Brian notifies their road manager that Kevin
wasn't feeling well and has to fill in for Kevin during their
impromptu meeting. A.J. is left to break the news to Fatima and
the guys of 'N Sync.
Justin, after hearing the news, breaks down in JC's arms and is
inconsolable for a long time. He and JC head back to the stage
for the dinner break, and sit around morosely, like all the
others. All the time, Justin can't help feeling that Kev is
hurting badly, and is going crazy with worry about him...
Kevin & Justin - Chapter 9
--------------------------
A weary and depressed Kevin Richardson opened the door to his
suite.
He walked into his lounge room and sat on the couch. After half
an hour, he realised that he was almost asleep on his feet.
Though it was still light outside, he had never before felt as
tired and wrung out as he was feeling right now.
He wearily got up and walked into the bedroom. His bed looked so
inviting...
He stripped, almost in a daze. He was too tired to do anything
other than lie down on his stomach, on top of the sheets.
Though he was exhausted and craved sleep, he couldn't stop
thinking of Justin...
Unwillingly, his thoughts replayed the moment at the photo studio
when he had walked into the room and heard Justin say, "I love you
too, Josh."
He felt his heart clench in a renewed stab of agonising pain!
The sight of Justin's face as he made the announcement was seared
into his brain. He felt his tears, an almost never-ending supply
of them, start to drop onto his pillow and sheets.
"Why, Curly?" he whispered in an agonised and broken voice. "Why
did you make me love you?"
For the next hour, he could do nothing but whisper "Why?" while
his pillow and sheets bore the brunt of his grief.
His body finally gave out on him, and he fell into an exhausted
sleep. Right till the end, his tears continued to drop stingingly
from his eyes...
*-*-*
Justin struggled with the interview.
He didn't like Carson very much in the first place, but the clown
was just wasting valuable time! He was desperate to get back to
the hotel and check on how Kevin was doing.
The others were of a similar mind, but only because they were
exhausted after rehearsals, and they wanted to go to bed. No-one
even bothered to think about going out tonight...
Justin also struggled to look happy and excited, when he was
feeling the exact opposite. Thankfully, he was able to do most of
the interview on autopilot. He gave his standard rote answers to
all the 'same old same old' questions, including whether or not he
and Britney were an item.
Brian and Lance had joined the interview half way through, looking
slightly the worse for wear. They apologised to Carson, feeling
anything but apologetic, and told him that business had kept them
busy, but they were now free to answer questions.
Finally, at around 10:45, Terry stepped in asked for the interview
to be concluded. He was aware of how tired the guys were, and
knew they had another busy day tomorrow.
Carson ended the interview and thanked them. He tried to engage
several of them in conversation, but the lack of response
persuaded him to leave them alone and to depart with his crew.
"Thank God! I thought he'd never leave," sighed Chris.
"Yeah," echoed several of the others.
"The limos are waiting outside. You guys get some rest, okay?"
Terry said. He looked over at Brian and said, "And if Kevin is
still not feeling well tomorrow, let me know ASAP!"
Brian nodded and left the stage. The others quickly followed him.
They piled into the limos without rhyme or reason. Justin ended
up being separated from JC, but in a way he was thankful. Without
JC there, he was more likely to be on guard and not let anything
slip. Brian, Lance, Howie, Nick, Joey and Justin had all ended up
in the same limo. The other three, Chris, JC and A.J. had ended
up in the second limo. No-one in either limo felt like talking.
They finally reached the hotel and got out. Though they would
normally spend a little time talking with their fans, or signing
the occasional autograph, tonight their fans were left a bit
disappointed.
They piled into the elevator and headed up to their floor. The
rest of the 'N Sync guys excused themselves and went straight into
their rooms. Justin found himself leading the BSB guys toward his
suite.
"No offence guys, but I'd really like to get some sleep."
"We can appreciate that Just, but we'd like to know if Kevin is
alright," responded Howie.
"Okay, wait here and I'll check. I wouldn't like to wake him
unnecessarily if he's sleeping."
The others nodded their heads in understanding.
He entered the suite and closed the door. He couldn't see any
sign of Kevin in the lounge. It looked like Kevin hadn't wasted
any time there... He walked towards the bedroom and noticed that
the light was on. He stepped into the room and froze.
Kevin was there, lying on his bed on top of the covers.
And he was naked!
Justin could only assume that Kevin had collapsed onto the bed out
of sheer exhaustion. He glanced at Kevin's genitals (he didn't
know that Kevin had turned over sometime during the past hour),
but looked away soon after, feeling guilty for taking advantage of
Kevin when he was at his most vulnerable.
He quickly walked up to the top of the bed and looked down at his
angel's face.
He was shocked to see the signs of tear tracks on Kevin's weary
features. He could also make out several large wet spots near
Kevin's head. One on the pillow, and the other staining the sheet
just below.
Kevin had cried himself to sleep!
Justin stood there, paralyzed, looking down at Kevin. His heart
clenched tighter in pain with each passing beat. He suddenly
found himself crying hot, silent tears and aggressively wiped them
from his eyes. The overwhelming compulsion he felt to look at
Kevin required his vision to remain unblurred...
He stood frozen on the spot, letting the heartache and anguish
spill forth from his soul, until A.J. entered the bedroom ten
minutes later.
*-*-*-
Brian and the others patiently waited for Justin to come back out.
After waiting for ten minutes, they were becoming extremely
anxious.
"Something's wrong, isn't it?" asked Nick in worry.
"No! Nothing's wrong," replied Brian, feeling guilty for lying to
them.
"Then what's taking so long?" asked A.J. heatedly.
"Look, go wait for me in my room," said Brian, "I'll go in and see
what's happening. Justin probably just forgot all about us...
when I find out whether Kevin is feeling better or not, I'll let
you all know."
Howie seemed ready to argue, but A.J. grabbed him by the arm to
stop him and said, "No Brian! I think I'LL go in and check on
Kevin. When I've made sure that he's alright I'll let YOU guys
know. Here's the key to my suite; wait for me there." He handed
the key to Nick.
Howie stopped struggling.
Brian hesitated for a moment before he hesitantly said, "Okay."
He followed Nick and Howie into A.J.'s suite.
A.J. sighed and opened the door to Kevin's suite. He looked
around the kitchen and lounge area but couldn't see any sign of
either Kevin or Justin.
He wandered over to the bedroom and stepped inside.
There, he saw a very surprising sight. Kevin was lying nude, on
top of his covers, and Justin was standing next to the bed, crying
silently.
He slowly walked over to Justin, noticing that Justin's tear-
filled eyes never left Kevin's face. "Justin?" he said softly.
Justin whirled around at the sound and saw A.J. standing there.
He quickly turned back to look down at the sleeping form of his
angel. His fatigued legs finally gave way and he collapsed to his
knees.
He didn't bother to shield his tear-streaked face from A.J.'s gaze
- he had no energy left to do anything but look at Kevin. The
desire, no - the NEED! - to gaze on his angel's face was so
overpowering!
A.J. sighed... He suspected he was in for a long night. First
things first... He gently pulled the covers out from under
Kevin's body and covered the nude figure. He then turned back to
face Justin.
"What's the matter Justin?" he asked softly, crouching down near
the kneeling figure, feeling his heart go out in sympathy to the
anguished sobbing coming from the teenager.
Justin couldn't speak. If he said anything his life would be
ruined! Not only would A.J. know his secret, but he would also
tell Kevin! If Kevin found out and rejected him, he didn't think
that his life would be worth living anymore...
In desperation, he pointed to the stains on the pillow.
A.J. stood up and looked at where Justin was pointing. He saw the
two wet spots and immediately knew that Kevin had cried himself to
sleep!
He lost control of his emotions for the first time in his life...
He sat down heavily on Justin's bed and just stared at Kevin's
face. There were signs of tear tracks running across Kevin's
face...
He closed his eyes, feeling the sting of his hot tears and found
it hard to breathe. How could he have been so blind? How could
he have not realised how much pain Kevin was feeling?
He opened his eyes and focused on a still weeping Justin. Justin
hadn't moved an inch since he had collapsed. Somehow A.J. knew
that Justin no longer had the energy to get up, or to do anything
else. He stood and picked Justin up, ignoring looking into the
tear-streaked face. He sat Justin down on his bed, pulled the
covers back and then gently layed him down. He then started
removing Justin's clothes.
Justin didn't put up any resistance. With his last remaining
strength, he turned his head to face his angel, the tears
obscuring his vision every once in a while. He didn't have the
strength to wipe them away anymore.
A.J. stopped at Justin's underwear.
He carefully pulled the covers over Justin's trembling body, then
sat down on the edge of the bed. He steeled himself and looked at
Justin's face. Justin was still crying, though his eyes were now
closed. The sorrow and pain was etched deeply into his face.
A.J. tenderly reached over and brushed the tears away, knowing
that it was futile. In a very short while Justin's pillow and
sheet would match Kevin's.
"'Night Justin," he said softly, almost choking on the words as he
tore his eyes away from the grief-laden expression on Justin's
face.
He stood and walked over to Kevin's bed.
The tear tracks on Kevin's face made him hurt so much that he felt
like he was falling into a bottomless pit of despair! His tears
started to drop more rapidly as he gazed down at the sad and
exhausted expression on Kevin's face.
"'Night Boo," he whispered through his tears, reaching down to
plant a tender kiss on Kevin's forehead. "I love you, man. And
I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. You gotta trust
me, Boo, that I'm going to make it up to you! I love you so much
Kevy, I hope you can forgive me..."
He trailed off, his voice choking up, then he hastily stood and
walked over to the bedroom door. There, he turned around to look
at them once more.
Justin's eyes had opened once again, the tears still streaming
down his face. He was unaware that A.J. was still in the room and
looking at him. All he could see was the figure of the person he
loved with all his heart in the bed next to his...
His tears flowed ceaselessly down his face, but he ignored them.
"Boo," he whispered painfully, his voice breaking into a pitiful
sob.
A.J. started to shake at the sight, his breath coming out in short
painful gasps and his vision blurring continuously. He turned and
fled from the bedroom; fleeing from the overwhelming sense of
despair that threatened to drown him.
He only paused long enough to lock the front door to their room
before he exited and closed the door behind him. He was still
running when he entered his own suite.
*-*-*
Howie and Nick were starting to get worried. A.J. was taking a
long time to check up on Kevin...
But as worried as they were, it was nothing compared to the panic
that Brian was feeling. He didn't know what A.J. would see, or
find out, and he was worried about the consequences.
They all looked up when they heard the front door open. Howie had
started to rise, but then he caught a glimpse of A.J.'s grief
stricken face.
He dropped back down into his chair in surprise.
"Wha-?" he started to say.
It was cut off as A.J. rushed into his bedroom and locked the door
behind him.
Nick looked absolutely astounded at what he had just seen. He had
never seen A.J. cry before! What could have caused that?
Howie was stunned senseless! He couldn't get him mind to work...
All he could think about was the alien expression on A.J.'s face.
Brian's astonishment was complete!
He had no idea what had just happened in Kevin's suite, but he
didn't think that A.J. had found out that he and Kevin had been
lying to them. A.J. would have rather strangled them than come
back in such a state!
"What the hell just happened?" Nick asked. He stood up and walked
over to the bedroom door. He tried the handle but knew that it
wouldn't budge. He could hear muffled sounds coming from the
room, all sounding like A.J. was crying or sobbing into his
pillow.
He turned around to see the other two still sitting there, with
confused expressions on their faces.
"Brian? Howie? What is going on? Why is A.J. crying? What has
happened today!? Why is everyone acting so weird?" With each
question his voice rose in volume and confusion.
He didn't get any answers.
He could feel himself starting to cry, the noises from A.J.'s
bedroom were so heart wrenching and sorrowful that he couldn't
help himself.
Brian stood up and crossed over to him. He hugged Nick and looked
at the closed door to A.J.'s bedroom. He whispered, "I don't know
what's going on Frack. It's all so strange... We'll ask A.J. in
the morning, okay?"
Nick suddenly pulled away. He ran out of A.J.'s room and across
to the door to Kevin's and Justin's room. He tried the doorknob,
but the door was locked. He turned around to the door leading to
his room and fumbled to open it. His shaking hand was having a
hard time inserting the key. Suddenly, a hand covered his own and
steadied it, allowing him to enter the key. He rushed into the
bedroom and locked it, dropping down onto the closest bed and
crying into the pillow.
Brian entered the suite after Nick, sighing softly. He locked the
front door and settled down to sleep on one of the couches.
*-*-*
Howie felt lost.
First Kevin had started acting oddly. Then Brian started acting
really strange as well. And now, A.J. had stunned him senseless!
Nick's behaviour was the only thing that seemed to be normal
today...
He stood up and walked towards the bedroom door. He could still
hear the occasional sniffle and sob escaping from A.J.'s pillow.
He sighed in frustration and decided to go to bed. Maybe this
whole mess would make more sense in the morning?
Somehow he doubted it.
Making sure that he locked A.J.'s front door from the inside,
Howie entered the hallway and closed the door behind him. He
walked down the hall to his room and let himself inside.
With all the worry and anxiety he felt, he barely slept a wink
that night...
*-*-*
Kevin woke gasping and sweating.
The remnants of the nightmare hung around him, refusing to leave
him in peace. His breathing was laboured and his body still
trembled from the images he had just escaped.
He came more awake when he noticed that the bedroom lights were
still on. Was it still early? Had he only slept for a few
minutes? A few hours? He looked over at his alarm clock, which
he had forgotten to set, and noticed that it was only an hour
before he would have normally woken... He had slept the night
through.
He quickly glanced at the other bed and was relieved to see Justin
sleeping in it. Thankfully any noise that he might have made
while dreaming had not been loud enough to wake Justin.
He knew that he would not be able to get back to sleep, so he
resigned himself to getting up. Maybe he could spend some time in
the gym?
As he pushed the covers off his body he realised that he had slept
naked again. With dread, he recalled that he hadn't gone to sleep
under the covers! Yet this morning he had been covered, and had
woken up on his back rather than his stomach...
His stomach somersaulted at the implications.
He looked over at the sleeping form of his angel and wondered why
he was worried? He knew that he had a nudity taboo: the product
of his upbringing and societal expectations. However he found he
was totally unconcerned about what Justin might have seen last
night. In a fair and just world, such things wouldn't matter. In
a fair and just world, Justin would be in love with him, instead
of JC, and they would be so happy that the world would look at
their love in awe!
He could feel a lump forming in his throat and forced his emotions
down. He had cried entirely too much yesterday. As much as he
would have liked to have Justin return his love, it was not to be!
He got up, unconcerned about his nudity. He stepped up to
Justin's bed and looked down at his sleeping angel.
His attention was drawn to an odd looking stain on the pillow near
Justin's face. He noticed that there was a matching stain, if
slightly smaller than the first, on Justin's bedsheet, just below
the pillow. He wondered what they could be?
He sighed as he returned his gaze to Justin's peaceful looking
features. What was it about this wonderful sleeping man that made
his heart feel like beating for joy? And why did he feel as if
half of his soul was missing, now that Justin was lost to him?
He turned and collected a change of clothes. A shower would
probably do him a world of good!
*-*-*
Brian was also awake at this ungodly hour. He had slept fitfully
throughout the night, not getting more than half an hour
continuous sleep at a go. He had slept on couches often enough to
know his restlessness was not just related to that.
Everything had become a total mess! A.J. and Nick had cried
themselves to sleep last night. For all he knew, so had Kevin and
Howie!
Though he loved his cousin dearly, there were times he cursed
Kevin's fear of rejection!
Well, there was no point trying to get any more sleep. The first
rays of the sun had appeared and the room was too bright for him
to get comfortable again.
He wondered if Kevin was up yet? Maybe he should check? He
thought about all that had happened the day before and decided
that he didn't care; if Kevin wasn't up yet, he was about to be
rudely awoken!
Brian collected his room key from the coffee table and left the
suite. He walked across to Kevin's door and raised his fist.
Then taking into consideration his neighbours, and the fact that
he didn't want to cause a scene so early in the morning, he
paused. Sighing, he knocked lightly on the door, making certain
it was just loud enough to carry through to the bedroom. If
anyone was up, they'd hear it.
*-*-*
Kevin opened the door to the ensuite and walked out fully dressed.
He heard a sound from the other room and realised it was someone
at the front door.
He walked up to the front door, just as the knocking stopped. He
opened it, and saw Brian's back.
Brian heard the slight noise of the door opening and turned back
around. Kevin was standing in the doorway looking alert and
fresh: the signs of a recent shower showing in his hair and
goatee.
"Hey Cuz," Brian said softly.
"Morning Bri. What are you doing up so early?"
Brian was too tired to stand in the hallway exchanging idle chit-
chat. "Can I please come in?"
"Sure," replied Kevin, stepping aside to let Brian walk into the
room.
"Kev, I'm tired. You and I need to discuss some things, but I
don't think I can just sit or stand around. Would you mind if I
borrowed your bed until we're ready to go?"
Kevin looked at his cousin and saw the fatigue showing on his
face. He also noticed that Brian was still wearing the same
clothes he had worn yesterday - though they were heavily rumpled
now. Had Brian slept in his clothes? And why hadn't he showered
this morning?
"I can tell what you're thinking. And I know what you're going to
ask. But I really need to lie down." Brian pushed past Kevin and
walked to the bedroom. He collapsed onto Kevin's bed with a
groan.
Kevin followed him and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Brian, I don't think this is a good idea. Especially if you want
to," his voice lowered as he glanced across to Justin, "...discuss
things."
"Don't worry about him Kev. We were kept up pretty late last
night, and we were too exhausted to even think of going out. He
won't wake up before he's had enough rest. Besides, we both saw
how deeply he sleeps."
"Okay," Kevin replied, still feeling dubious about it. "Why don't
you start-"
"Because Nick locked himself in the bedroom last night - that's
why. I had to sleep on the couch. I don't think I got more than
a couple of hours sleep the entire night. And I couldn't exactly
get to my clothes or the shower this morning!"
Kevin was impressed. Brian had indeed known what he was going to
ask. But it still didn't make any sense.
"Start from the beginning Brian. What happened to make Nick lock
you out of your own bedroom? And why didn't you just bunk in with
Howie or A.J.?"
"For the same reason. A.J. also locked himself into his bedroom.
And I don't think that I was on Howie's good side last night. I
didn't ask, but I think he would have told me to go jump, and have
really meant it..."
Kevin was starting to get really worried. That didn't sound like
the guys. Especially A.J. and Howie! But he was still too much
in the dark. "Brian, stop mucking around and TELL ME what
happened!"
Brian sighed and closed his eyes. Before Kevin could get upset,
he started speaking slowly.
"I don't think it was a good idea for you to have left before
rehearsals last night, even though I was urging you to do it, and
I thought it was a good idea at the time." He paused. "It just
caused too much friction. The guys started to really grill me. I
told A.J. some lame story about you not feeling well. You know,
something like: Kevin was alone yesterday, now he's being
smothered with attention and he can't cope with the change... I
also said something about you being short tempered and tired
because you had stayed up late the night before, and were woken up
extremely early that day."
He opened his eyes to see how Kevin was taking all this. To his
surprise, Kevin was looking over at Justin. When he thought about
it, he realised he shouldn't have been surprised.
Kevin's expression was mostly unreadable; at least what he could
see of it. There was the normal frown that indicated that Kevin
was thinking, but not much else.
"And then what happened?" Kevin asked calmly, never taking his
eyes off Justin.
"A.J. didn't buy my story, even though he didn't challenge me
about it. He dragged me into the stadium to explain your absence
to Terry." He noted Kevin's eyebrow rise in question. "Our road
manager." Kevin nodded, indicating recognition. "Well, Terry
wasn't impressed. Especially as he wanted to discuss a few things
with you. He also wasn't happy that we had arrived late. Between
Lance and myself we managed to calm him down and fill him in on
what he wanted to know. I'm too tired to get into all that, so
speak to Lance if you want to know the details."
Kevin nodded once again.
"We then had the interview with Carson and MTV. That really put
us all in a bad mood. He would have gone on all night if Terry
hadn't stepped in to wrap it up." Kevin's expression remained
impassive, but Brian knew that Kevin was glad he had missed that
part of the evening. "So by the time we got out of the stadium,
and thanks to all the work we did - Lance and I with Terry, the
guys with their rehearsing - we were too tired to do anything but
come back to the hotel."
Kevin was wondering if Brian would get to the point? So far,
except for A.J.'s suspicions, nothing really untoward had
happened. He waited for Brian to continue, knowing that he would
step in and make him get to the point if he continued to beat
around the bush for much longer.
"When we got here, the 'N Sync guys went straight to bed. Which
is why I couldn't bunk in with any of them," Brian added as an
aside. "The rest of us followed Justin, hoping to see how you
were. The guys were really concerned about how you were feeling.
At least Nick and Howie were. I think A.J. still doubted me.
"Justin wouldn't let us come in though. He said that he would
check up on you and let us know. Well, we waited for over ten
minutes for him to return, but he didn't show up. Everyone was
starting to get edgy, so I suggested that I would come in and
check up on you and let the others know how you were doing. But
A.J. didn't want to have a bar of that. He told us that he would
be the one checking up on you, and for us to wait for him in his
suite."
Kevin was still feeling aggravated with Brian's narration, but
could tell that Brian was getting close to the crux of his story.
"We waited for A.J. in his room. He was gone longer than we had
waited for Justin in the hallway. Nick and Howie were now getting
extremely edgy. I was also getting nervous, but only because I
thought he had found you awake and was getting the truth out of
you. But the next thing we knew, A.J. came running into the room
and rushed into his bedroom, locking the door behind him. He
didn't even look at us - he just went straight to his bedroom.
"He was crying from the time he came in till the time we left!"
"What?" snapped Kevin, turning to face his cousin. His expression
showed the shock he felt at Brian's words.
"He... he was crying," answered Brian, unsure of what Kevin wanted
to hear. "The three of us just looked at him in amazement. I
don't think I've ever seen A.J. upset before, let alone crying! I
don't think Nick and Howie have either." He could see the
confusion showing on Kevin's face.
"Nick got really upset and wanted to know why A.J. was crying, but
we didn't know. He also started crying. When I hugged him, he
pulled away and ran out of the room. I followed him. He had run
across to here," Brian's hand indicated that he meant Kevin's
suite, "but the door was locked. So he ran into our room and did
the same thing that A.J. had done. He locked himself in the
bedroom and cried himself to sleep. I know, because I could hear
him even from the couch. I didn't notice what Howie did. But I
suspect he also went to sleep. I briefly thought about asking him
if I could use his spare bed, but after yesterday's events, I
didn't think he'd agree."
Kevin could sense that Brian was keeping something from him.
"Brian, what aren't you telling me?" he asked gently.
"It's nothing really Kev... I just..."
"What?"
"I can't help feeling that I let the guys down yesterday. The way
Nick pulled away from my hug last night - it made me realise that
I'd hurt him. I don't think he was even aware of doing it, but
subconsciously he must have felt betrayed by me to pull away like
that." Brian started crying softly. He turned to his side, using
Kevin's pillow as a tissue.
Kevin decided that Brian had said enough. He still had a lot of
unanswered questions, but they would need to wait. Some of them
he would need to ask the other guys - like what A.J. had seen or
heard last night to cause him to cry?
"Go to sleep Bri. I'll wake you when it's time to go." He placed
his hand on Brian's shoulder and gently squeezed it.
Brian's tears were still flowing, though at a reduced rate. He
nodded his appreciation and seemed to fall instantly asleep,
despite the bedroom lights still being on.
Kevin stood up and looked down at his cousin's puffy face. He
noticed that Brian's tears had caused a small, wet, stain to
appear on the pillow. His mind went into overdrive as he felt his
body stiffen. He looked down at the pillow again and noticed that
surrounding the wet area where Brian's tears had fallen, was a
larger stained area. He could also see part of a similar stain on
his bedsheets.
His mind made the obvious jump that the stains were a product of
his crying last night.
He turned slowly, holding his breath and looked down at Justin's
pillow and sheets. The stains there were almost identical!
His breath left his body in a rush as he realised that Justin had
also cried himself to sleep!
The sudden flash of pain he felt almost floored him with its
intensity!
He stood rooted to the spot, fresh tears falling silently down his
cheeks, as he looked at the stains on the bed, and the angelic
face of the man he loved...
*-*-*
Nick awoke twenty minutes before the alarm was normally set to go
off, feeling slightly the worse for wear. The events of the night
before came streaming back into his mind and he felt himself choke
up.
What had happened to A.J.? Why had he come running back into his
suite with tears in his eyes? Was it something to do with Kevin?
Had something happened to Kevin?
A thought crossed his mind which stole the breath from his body.
What if Kevin had been so sick that he had... died!... last night?
Was that why Justin hadn't come back out? Could that have been
the reason why A.J. looked so grief-stricken last night?
Nick felt his heart miss a beat at the thought of it. Without any
conscious thought, he was soon running out of his suite and across
to Kevin's. He reached for the doorknob, praying that the door
was unlocked. When the door opened, he ran inside and turned to
the bedroom. He stopped at the doorway, taking in the scene.
His heart started to relax as he saw Kevin standing there,
obviously alive. He noticed that Brian was asleep on Kevin's bed,
and felt a twinge of disappointment at himself for not checking on
Brian this morning. He had forgotten all about him.
His mind slowly started to make sense of what he was seeing.
Kevin was alive, but obviously not okay. He was crying for some
reason...
Nick immediately felt a tightness in his chest again, at the
realisation that his much loved 'older brother' was hurting.
He couldn't suppress a sob from escaping his lips. Kevin turned
at the sound and looked at him, the pain and hurt clearly showing
in his eyes and on his face.
Nick ran to Kevin and flung his arms around him, starting to sob
loudly.
Kevin realised that Nick would wake either one or both of the
sleepers if he didn't make Nick stop crying. He grabbed Nick's
head and pulled it in to his shoulder, muffling the sound a bit.
"Nicky, you'll wake them if you continue crying like this," he
said softly. "Let's go to the other room where we won't disturb
them."
Nick followed Kevin outside and waited for Kevin to close the
bedroom door before he flung himself onto Kevin again.
Kevin sensed that something had really rattled Nick, and slowly
walked away from the bedroom door, pulling a still sobbing Nick
with him. It was hard work, as Nick didn't want to release his
death-grip on Kevin.
He finally got them to the couch and sat down, pulling Nick down
with him. Nick's embrace was as tight as ever.
"What's the matter Nicky? Why are you acting like this?"
"I-I-I thought you were d-d-dead," said Nick, the fear audible in
his voice.
Kevin froze in surprise. "Why?" He couldn't get his voice to
rise above a whisper.
Nick's crying was starting to subside, now that he had got his
worry off his chest. "It was the only thing that made sense!
That's why Justin never came out again, and why A.J. was crying so
hard. Or at least, that's what I thought had happened. And then
when I saw you there and you were alive I couldn't believe how
happy and relieved I felt! But then I saw you crying and the hurt
look in your eyes just brought it all back to me."
Nick was still clinging on for dear life, as he breathlessly
relayed this to Kevin.
Kevin could now understand why Nick was acting so rattled! His
own tears hadn't stopped falling since he'd become aware that
Justin had cried himself to sleep. He could appreciate how Nick
felt: to lose, or to think you had lost, someone you loved dearly.
"I'm sorry Nicky," he said, still unable to raise his voice above
a whisper. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to cause you any hurt.
Please forgive me?"
All he got in response was a tightness of the hug. Nick had
started crying again. "Don't Kevin! Please don't blame yourself!
You have no reason to ask for my forgiveness. I'm not the one who
is hurting right at the moment. I'll get over my scare, but
you..." he choked on his words, burying his head in Kevin's
shoulder and sobbing louder.
"Just don't Boo," he managed to plead once he got himself
marginally under control. He looked up, and into the moisture-
logged eyes of his 'big brother'.
Kevin could only nod, knowing that Nick required this reassurance.
After several minutes, Nick's grip slackened and Kevin could feel
the circulation increasing in his arms. He was unable to move
them for several minutes, but when he did, he managed to hug Nick
back, and then disengaged himself from the hug.
"I think I need a strong drink... What about you Nick? How does
a really strong cup of coffee sound?"
Nick grinned weakly at the light-hearted tone he heard in Kevin's
voice. He nodded at Kevin and smiled hesitantly.
Kevin got up and went into the kitchen.
Nick stared after him, his smile vanishing, and knowing that no
matter how deeply Kevin buried his hurt, or how much he tried to
mask it, it would always be there. Sooner or later, he would have
to deal with it...
Or else he was likely to end up insane with grief, or ... dead!
End - Chapter 9
To be continued...
A quick note: I don't know if Americans know (or have heard of)
the phrase 'piss-farting around', so I substituted 'mucking
around' in Kevin's dialogue with Brian...
If it's an acceptable phrase in the U.S., and something that an
American might say (i.e. in this case Kevin), then please note
that that is the phrase that I'd have preferred to use!
Somehow though, I have a funny feeling that it's uniquely
Australian... (please tell me if I'm wrong! )
Email: rh_chan@hotmail.com
ICQ: #61523677 (rh_chan)