Monday, 29 March 2010

A phone call to the past

Easter weekend is coming up, as is the wedding of the younger brother of one of my childhood friends!! It's bound to be one nostalgic Thursday for me as I attend the wedding in the morning and then join my family and relatives for Maundy Thursday service at the church where I got married, right in my hometown. Meeting my friend's family after a long time will be great fun! Our relationship formed in those good old days when friends' parents were just like yours: they could scold you or laud you, just like your folks!! When my friend's mom called to invite us to the wedding, the first thing she asked was, "Do you remember me?" Like I could forget! The phone number as well as the voice is etched into the deepest crevices of my memory.

It was one of the first few phone numbers I memorised: a regular landline phone, black, if I remember right, that Aunty kept in the spare bedroom. Never figured out why!! Speaking of phones, I got a surprise call last week from a long-lost friend. She now lives in Abu Dhabi and is a teacher, mother to a five year old and Hindu wife to a Muslim husband. It's been so long since we got in touch; I haven't had any contact with since she got married nearly 10 years ago! It was a hue and cry at the time: a Hindu girl from a conservative family marrying into a Muslim household. A surprisingly liberated Muslim household, I must add. They not only welcomed her with open arms, they never questioned her right to religion. There was in fact, no talk about the whole issue at all! A total non-issue for them, if any. Not so for the rest of the society, is what she says. Her son sports both her and her husband's name as his surname!

I couldn't believe I was actually talking to her after all these years, and we had a good chat, interrupted by my little one's cries for attention! She insists that my laugh hasn't changed at all, while my Malayalam has improved vastly! Excuse me, I said, I always spoke my mother tongue perfectly. Not in her memory, it seems... Memory is a strange thing. The things you choose to remember about a person or an event may not even remotely resemble what that person has chosen to file away; at times, we just remember our version of the event which may be entirely different from another point of view.

As we were chatting, the topic veered to my decision to work from home. And guess what she said: "Oh, but you always wanted to stay home and do a great job of keeping your house beautiful and your family happy." COME AGAIN!! I don't recall ever being less than committed to my profession! But of course, she was talking of a time a long, long time ago when I was just 16 or 17, hopelessly in love with the boy who would grow up to be my husband, and a total romantic! That was my rosy picture of life back then!

Things did change once I 'grew' up and often job took precedence over family. When I gave up my job and started working from home, I was happier. But I still struggled with 'maid issues', agonising over an untidy home and less-than-perfect meals. But now, I am happier still, and it's a happiness that comes with a little bit of wisdom I think. No-maid days are no longer a hassle, I enjoy cooking for my family and I love the satisfied look on my clients' faces when I deliver a good piece of work! Yes, you have to give some.... you can't have everything picture-perfect; your husband will still toss his papers and keys all over the place, your child will continue to mess things up even though they both know you don't enjoy cleaning up so much!

But the secret is finding your inner goddess! Just stay in touch with her and things will be fine. Yours may not be a housekeeping goddess or a culinary one but she will have some special talent for you as a woman. Revel in it! Also, I have realised it helps a great deal if you embrace your responsibilities rather than confront/avoid/get worked up by them. Life does not move in a straight line but I am enjoying the curves, the dips and yes, the heights!

1 comment:

Monday, 29 March 2010

A phone call to the past

Easter weekend is coming up, as is the wedding of the younger brother of one of my childhood friends!! It's bound to be one nostalgic Thursday for me as I attend the wedding in the morning and then join my family and relatives for Maundy Thursday service at the church where I got married, right in my hometown. Meeting my friend's family after a long time will be great fun! Our relationship formed in those good old days when friends' parents were just like yours: they could scold you or laud you, just like your folks!! When my friend's mom called to invite us to the wedding, the first thing she asked was, "Do you remember me?" Like I could forget! The phone number as well as the voice is etched into the deepest crevices of my memory.

It was one of the first few phone numbers I memorised: a regular landline phone, black, if I remember right, that Aunty kept in the spare bedroom. Never figured out why!! Speaking of phones, I got a surprise call last week from a long-lost friend. She now lives in Abu Dhabi and is a teacher, mother to a five year old and Hindu wife to a Muslim husband. It's been so long since we got in touch; I haven't had any contact with since she got married nearly 10 years ago! It was a hue and cry at the time: a Hindu girl from a conservative family marrying into a Muslim household. A surprisingly liberated Muslim household, I must add. They not only welcomed her with open arms, they never questioned her right to religion. There was in fact, no talk about the whole issue at all! A total non-issue for them, if any. Not so for the rest of the society, is what she says. Her son sports both her and her husband's name as his surname!

I couldn't believe I was actually talking to her after all these years, and we had a good chat, interrupted by my little one's cries for attention! She insists that my laugh hasn't changed at all, while my Malayalam has improved vastly! Excuse me, I said, I always spoke my mother tongue perfectly. Not in her memory, it seems... Memory is a strange thing. The things you choose to remember about a person or an event may not even remotely resemble what that person has chosen to file away; at times, we just remember our version of the event which may be entirely different from another point of view.

As we were chatting, the topic veered to my decision to work from home. And guess what she said: "Oh, but you always wanted to stay home and do a great job of keeping your house beautiful and your family happy." COME AGAIN!! I don't recall ever being less than committed to my profession! But of course, she was talking of a time a long, long time ago when I was just 16 or 17, hopelessly in love with the boy who would grow up to be my husband, and a total romantic! That was my rosy picture of life back then!

Things did change once I 'grew' up and often job took precedence over family. When I gave up my job and started working from home, I was happier. But I still struggled with 'maid issues', agonising over an untidy home and less-than-perfect meals. But now, I am happier still, and it's a happiness that comes with a little bit of wisdom I think. No-maid days are no longer a hassle, I enjoy cooking for my family and I love the satisfied look on my clients' faces when I deliver a good piece of work! Yes, you have to give some.... you can't have everything picture-perfect; your husband will still toss his papers and keys all over the place, your child will continue to mess things up even though they both know you don't enjoy cleaning up so much!

But the secret is finding your inner goddess! Just stay in touch with her and things will be fine. Yours may not be a housekeeping goddess or a culinary one but she will have some special talent for you as a woman. Revel in it! Also, I have realised it helps a great deal if you embrace your responsibilities rather than confront/avoid/get worked up by them. Life does not move in a straight line but I am enjoying the curves, the dips and yes, the heights!