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List of clams: Comedy phrases that need to be retired

John August:John Quaintance recently tweeted photos of two whiteboards listing phrases banned in the Workaholics writers’ room. His tweet has been widely shared, and is a mitzvah to all writers.

These phrases are all clams — jokes that aren’t funny anymore and therefore need to die. When you include them in a script, you’re evoking the rhythm of comedy without the content of comedy. They’re not just cliché; they’re hollow.

___? More Like ___

Can You Not?

…I Can Explain!

Let’s Not And Say We Did

I Didn’t Not ___

Va-Jay-Jay

Wait For It…

Just Threw Up In My Mouth

Really?

Good Talk

And By ___ I Mean ___

Check Please!

Awkward!

Shut The Front Door!

Lady Boner

Rut-Roh!

I Think That Came Out Wrong

Uh…Define ___

No? Just Me?

Why Are We Whispering?

That Went Well…

Stay Classy

I’m A Hot Mess!

That’s Not A Thing

It’s Science

Bacon Anything

Cray-Cray

Real Talk

#Nailed It

Random!

Awesome Sauce

Thanks…I Guess

Little Help?

Laughy McLaugherson

___ Dot Com

I Love Lamp

Oh Helllll Naw!

#Epic Fail

Did I Just Say That Out Loud?

Food Baby

Douche (Nozzle)

Soooo, That Just Happened

Squad Goals

I Just Peed A Little

Too Soon?

Spoiler Alert

Um…In English Please

Note To Self

Life Hack

Best. ___. Ever. (or Worst. ___. Ever.)

It’s Giving Me All The Feels

Garbage People

That Happened One Time!

Well Played

I’m Right Here!

Hard Pass

Are You Having A Stroke?

Go Sports!

Zero Fucks Given

We Have Fun

Who Hurt You?

I Absorbed My Twin In The Womb

I’ll Take ___ For $500, Alex

Thanks Obama

Wait, What?

Shots Fired

Sharkweek

You Assclown

Ridonkulous

Bag Of Dicks

Hey, Don’t Help

Debbie Downer

I Can’t Unsee That

That Just Happened

See What I Did There?

I’ll Show Myself Out

Here’s The Line, Here’s You

___ On Steroids/Crack

Swipe Right

White People Problems

I Could Tell You But I’d Have To Kill You

That’s Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

I Think We’re Done Here

Found via John August’s own Scriptnotes podcast. I recommend listening to this episode for the ensuing conversation about these ‘clams’, why they happen and what to do in their stead (the segment is about 20 minutes in).