Free Thinkers?

I've been wondering about us as gay men. Are we free thinkers, or do we think within the sterotype made by us? In dating, appereance, and social status. There is a standard for everything, but due to the societal weight we and others have placed on us, do we hurt ourselves, keeping us from being better?

I believe it is a popular misconception. Sure just like with any stereotype your going to have the socialites and pseudo-plastic people. Does everyone have different thoughts and ideas? Sure. Do most of these people utilize them? probably not. Is it out of fear of breaking the chain? Who can say? Not me obviously however, my manner of acceptance includes wit and personality, guidelines for dating include vanity and the above. Social status doesn't matter, it is like a kingdom that will eventually fall and be lost in the sands of time. Being better is in the individuals mind, social mainstream idea aside (unless they are susceptible to that type of thing)not everyone will be content where they are but a lot are. When they don't do better from societies implications then that is a fear or a desire to fit in, fearing that if they break area from what they consider normal then they may lose what they have already gained.

While I don't think we are the consequence of a set of stereotypes I do think that we tend to seek group identity (otherwise the Village People would have made no sense - hey wait a minute the Village People make no sense - I digress).

I spent 13 years in LA. There is a definite group mentality of better ghetto mentality that is just comforting. To be sure I am grateful that I had that relatively protective space in which to experiment.

Now I live in Italy where there isn't that protective space. I could not have pulled this off at 21, no way. The follow up is that I really pity young gay men here who still seem (at least to me) to live like it was thirty years ago.

If I cross the border(s) (there's two duh) to Germany and by Germany I mean Berlin it is back to that comforting (though rather wilder) Gay Ghetto.

I am not sure there is anything right with that or wrong with that. It isn't realy different than some "gated" "community" in Dade County Florida. In fact I might have the preference of having my gate be a leather daddy in buttless chaps as opposed to a rent-a-cop in donuts and polyester.

Some of us are, some of us aren't. I notice that if some of this board's more popular members take on a certain poster over--for the sake of discussion, we'll say waffles--then the thread will get heavy with waffle haters. And it's no secret that this board's more popular members are among the most attractive. But he that has not kissed up to a pretty face can cast the first stone.

As for gravitating towards attractiveness, that's just men period. I have long since stopped apologizing for the fact that I have a physical standard. Pretty much EVERY man starts with physical looks and works from there.

As for a way of thinking, there is clearly a different mindset in every gay community. In mine the gay men dress down. Masculinity is associated with flannell shirts and baseball caps. Meanwhile the straight bars are full of men dressed to the nines. I like good fashion and what I wear always catches the eye of someone when I am in New York or Los Angeles, but here it gets me looked around by gay men.

And this "masculine" paradigm is not uniquely Middle Amercian, but I will say that it is more prevalent among heartland gays.

Some of us know who we are and we look for groups and friends to whom we can relate. Others don't know who they are and so they go with the crowd, whatever crowd that is offered. And that is where you find the herd mentality.

First of all, let me say thank you to those of you who too time to read and respond to this post. Death_Dodge, usamajor, and Damarco4u. You brought up points that I neglected to think of, but I will deffinately look closer next time. My Folly au dou. Ja-mata!!