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February 23, 2017February 23, 2017

Things I’d tell my 15 year old self…

Wouldn’t it be great if you had a time machine or that magical watch Hermione uses in Harry Potter, to just go back in time and give yourself a little heads up? Know what I mean?

What would you tell your 15 year old self?

We sure as shit could have done with a bit of help.
Here’s a few of our ideas…

1. Mum really does know best.Swear down, honest to god.

2. Fashion: If it feels wrong, it probably is.It doesn’t seem like it now but fashion will improve. Just hang in there and stop wearing low rise jeans with short vest tops. It doesn’t look good. Photographs will prove this. (Read more about the shit we used to wear HERE in ‘What the fuck were we thinking.’)

3. Don’t drink a litre of straight vodka and assume you will be ok.We’ve all done it and we’ve all learned the hard way.

4. **** **** (insert first disappointing boyfriends name) is a fat wanker with a small penis.

5.Don’t iron your hair. (Now all of us feral girls have curly hair and in our teens we only had babyliss steam straighteners to sort out the frizz. They were awfully shit so we had to resort to extreme measures until GHDs were invented. We discovered the iron. Mildly unsafe, extremely damaging to the locks but worked like a charm.)

6. Drugs are for mugs!

7. Put your tits away!

8. Work hard at school, you will regret it if you don’t!One day you WILL need to know how to count and might want to go to university…don’t let bloody boys get in the way of this!

9. Stop over-plucking your eyebrows! Talk about threadbare. We all spent most of our twenties trying to rectify this. Amelie elaborates more about the absolute shitty make up trends we followed here in ‘What the fuck were we thinking?!’

NOW FOR THE ABSOLUTE CREME DE LA CREME!!

10. Don’t knock about with arseholes.Yes, it seems big and clever. Smoking in school behind the bike sheds (so incredibly cool) and maybe even getting fingered in the park if you were seriously classy but honestly, just STAY THE FUCK AWAY from bad influences.
(Plus side is you will have the last laugh when they make friends with you on Facebook years later and they have no teeth or morals and have twenty kids (mostly by drug dealers and/or jailbirds!)

So there we have it…. A few words we’d have with our younger, more naive dipshit selves.

OH MY GOD! An actual on Jezza Kyle. Bahaha. I sometimes cross my fingers that the bitch that made my 15 year old self life’s hell on there but I’m waiting. I should replace vodka with Southern Comfort, of which I drank a litre. Vom fest. Yuko. I can’t even smell it now. So many of these are true, assholes, drugs, mine would be don’t start smoking because you WON’T stop when you’re 25. #BlogCrush