Well I can see that you are depressed in this piece. Though you are sad in writing this I think that as a reader I dont cually see your emotion, for the writing lacks the discription needed. LIke how bad is the rain is it a down pour or a drizzle, why is there no color love or hope, these are some things that could ake this work great if you go into more detail with these subjects. I seen in your decription that its the worst day in your life but it somewhat lacks the the sorta umf needed to show your sadness, show me yours sad in your writing just dont say it make me (the reader) see it.