I Swear To God

I have nothing to add to today’s strip, really. I feel like it communicates all the necessary information.

Some people would like to know what I think of Unreal Tournament 2003 aside from its fabulous security features, which I promise I won’t discuss at length. I had it in my mind to be fancy about things and simply never discuss the game here, but that was a ridiculous fantasy. I play it every day until past midnight. Playwise, it stands betwixt Quake III and its forebear Unreal Tournament, lending speed to the former and weight to the latter. There is even a spooky level - DM-Inferno - that appears to be a sort of homage to classic Quake iconography.

It’s awesome. I’m not a DM guy at all, really, but UT2K3 brings it out of me. Fascinating, spacious levels - coupled with unique elements like weapons that join together - round out straight run-and-gun stuff that is not typically my bag. Bombing Run is as delicious as the demo had us believe, and I cheer every map when it loads up because they’re all great. I have heard complaints about Double Domination as a gametype, but I don’t know if they’re just complaining because it’s different, or what. Instead of a series of points that are constantly in flux, there are only two now - and you score by holding both of them for a certain amount of time. I find it a very sensible and satisfying way to go about things, but then again, I’m not a Goddamn crybaby.

One of the most audible comments about Unreal Tournament regards the lack of Assault. In effect, these were mission-based levels of the type that has become popular now in multiplayer shooters. Never let it be said that it wasn’t a good idea on paper. It was a cool way to give purpose junkies like myself access to scenario-oriented deathmatch. All I remember were mongrels and exploits that highlighted the discrepancy between good ideas and good implementation. They probably just asked themselves if they wanted this headache again and decided against it. If we traded Assault for Bombing Run, then we came out on top.

I’d like to say a word or two about the levels, just in general. One of the words I would like to use is “Yow.” Unreal Tournament doesn’t do some of the shmancy stuff we might expect from our new videocards, for example, you won’t see bump maps or things of that nature. Everyone mentions this, but I don’t know if you’ll miss them. The textures are often so detailed that I find myself wondering how a flat surface could trick my eye so. The level design in Unreal Tournament 2003 skirts the edge of perfection, leaping that border in certain cases, sculpting true places that satisfy on both aesthetic and amusement axes. It is these levels in fact that made me decide to talk about the game at all, as the people who made them clearly had no say about copy protection, and there’s no sense in punishing their excellent work because the guys at the rein are jackholes.