{ an advocate for wisdom & growth }

Finding Your Power

When I became a part of a blended family that was a hot mess from the beginning, I spent many years searching, learning life lessons, and sometimes being beaten by those life lessons.

No one on the planet was going to tell me how to live my life, and my ignorant thirsty determined heart had every intention of doing it big. Doing it right. MAKING IT WORK.

Today I sit in a very different place, still processing what has gone on, accepting what is, and healing. I’ve shamed myself for being so blind. For not realizing that a man with a wake of failed relationships already behind him BEFORE me meant that I was probably more of a number than a wife. For having a heart so full to give every ounce of myself to a child I didn’t create – and having to learn that I needed to know what my motives were in that because in the end he was taken away.

The lessons are plentiful. But I wouldn’t change a thing. And I no longer shame myself. I am the person I am today because of every single one of those wounds. I care for others, and that is not a crime. I love deeply; I was created that way. Now I just know the value of boundaries, of who deserves my energy and of where to focus my time and attention. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Some of you reading this may be in a season of pain. You’re banging your head against the wall. Some of you may be enjoying the abundant life and love that marriage and family can bring (SHOULD bring). But today I felt compelled to write about a topic that I believe can encourage all of us when applied correctly.

It’s the concept of power. Our power.

We give our power away without even realizing it. It happens quickly. Creeps up on us. People steal our joy and peace and comfort. Yes, some people are simply monsters. Hurt people hurt people and we can’t always stop people from being nasty or messing with us. We can however decide who we let upset us. Who we give that power to.

But there is another part of power that we forget we have. The fact that literally no other human being on the planet is now, nor has been, nor will ever be, us.

YOU. Who are YOU? What do YOU alone bring?

I taught my boy to talk. I potty trained him. I taught him to read. I taught him manners. I taught him to use his own very special and capable brain to make decisions with. I read to him incessantly about everything from dinosaurs to Jesus. We sang Christmas carols and called them “Teense carols” because we called my cat The Teense. I gave him 6 years of birthday parties. I gave him 12 days of Christmas presents leading up to Christmas Day every single year – just he and I, our special tradition. I taught him about accountability – a concept completely lost on most every other adult in his life. I taught him the value of a college education. I taught him to give – to donate to those in need. I baked him chocolate chip cookies and muffins. I prayed over him every single night (and still do – just from afar now). I took him for his haircuts. I packed his lunch. I bought his school clothes. I went to teacher conferences. I listened when he had issues he didn’t feel comfortable discussing with his father. And I kept my promises always – he learned that some people will make a mess, but others will keep their word. He learned about character from me. REAL character.

Never before has competition become so rampant in our society. Social media and the entitlement age are making us weak. We are obsessed with what others are doing. We are obsessed with how we are perceived. We have no concept of delayed gratification. We believe that people running their mouths trump our true actions, because in the short term, sometimes they do. But there is always a day of reckoning and the fact remains that we offer something no one else can. Every single one of us do.

Today I want you to think on this concept and never let it go –

Write it down. Memorize it. Pull it out when you start to feel small.

No one is you, and that is your power.

What a grave injustice to give that power away, or minimize it, or forget it. This is not about being cocky, and it’s not about competition. You were created to offer only that which you can offer. Find that and own it. Search honestly inside yourself for that which is beautiful, which only you can give, and cultivate it. Nothing and no one can ever take that away from you.

Today, wherever you are, remember that you are something that no one else ever can be – You.

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5 thoughts on “Finding Your Power”

I love this. I’ve been following your journey. I’m in the same shoes you’ve walked in. Some days are unbelievably hard, others are great. I loathe the high ups and low low downs. Trying to get it to where it’s more steady. I worked with a lady recently that told me, “If it doesn’t nourish your soul, get rid of it.” We talked a great deal about boundaries and what works for ME. Specifically pertaining to the MIL and my step kids. At times my husband and his family make me feel like I’M crazy for not just rolling over and giving in. I find myself regularly reading about how to be better at drawing out my boundary box and NOT being pressured (bullied, really) into allowing others to infiltrate or being guilted into doing something I’m not comfortable with. Once everyone is clear on my boundaries (and I have the SUPPORT from my husband), I hope that will go away.. Time will tell. Time will tell.

I’m sorry to hear of your situation. I’ve gained so sooooo much from your experiences. Hang in there. The sun will still come up tomorrow-even if it is above the clouds and is trying to break through.

That’s tough, but you are such a strong woman. I can tell from your posts. You have endured and perservered through experiences that most women don’t ever experience. It’s scary for me to face the truth that if anything happened to my husband I would likely never see my step kids again. It’s a fear / reality only a stepmom can understand. We can only hope that when they are older they come looking for us and reminisce with us of the good times. This is my hope for you too… God bless x