SCANDAL at the University of Hawaii! Apparently, some fella named Ian Sample, who used to play football for the Rainbows, claims coach June Jones used to manipulate drug tests. We're not sure we understand what the big deal is — if you can't get stoned playing for Hawaii, dammit, where can you get stoned? — but Sample himself has definitely grabbed our attention.

"Freaks are out there, don't get it twisted. I had one girl who wanted me to bang her out in my uniform. Like some role-play type shit. So it was what it was. After practice I took my gear home, put it on and gave her her fantasy. Then when she was done, she wanted to switch, so she put on my helmet and we did it like that. That was a little weird for me but no reason to sweat the small stuff. Just as long as she didn't want me to pretend to be like Leonard Peters or Colt, I wasn't caring!"

You know, if this were a cheesy '80s movie, Sample would take off the helmet to reveal ... she was a she all along!