Abdellatif Kechiche is a Tunisian-French actor, film director and screenwriter who made his directorial debut in 2000 with LA FAUTE À VOLTAIRE (aka POETICAL REFUGEE), which he also wrote. He also directed GAMES OF LOVE AND CHANCE, which won a César Award for Best Film and Best Director. He presented THE SECRET OF THE GRAIN at the 64 Mostra del Cinema in Venice for which he was awarded the Special Jury Prize, the FIPRESCI Prize, such as later the Louis Delluc Prize and others César Awards for Best Film and Best Director. His 2013 film BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR won the Palme d’Or and the FIPRESCI Prize at the 2013 Cannes Film Festival.
extract from: https://www.facebook.com/events/371961419602698/373485499450290/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity

This guy comes into a bar…
…walks to the bartender and says…
…” Bartender, I got a bet for you.
I’ll bet you $100 that I can piss…
…into that glass over there…
…and not spill a drop.”
The bartender looks at the glass.
It’s feet away.
He says…
…”You’re telling me
you’ll bet me $100 …
…that you can piss,
standing here…
…into that glass,
and not spill a single drop?”
Customer looks up and says:
“That’s right.”
Bartender says, “You’ve got a bet.”
The guy goes, “Okay, here we go.”
Pulls out his thing.
He’s thinking about the glass.
He’s thinking about the glass.
Thinking about his dick.
Dick, glass, dick, glass,
dick, glass, dick, glass.
Then he lets it rip. Continue reading “066 – DesperadoJoke”→

Excuse me. Do you say in English,
”I look ‘hat’ the window,”
or do you say in English,
”I look ‘hout’ the window”?
Well, in this case, Bob, I’m afraid
you gotta say, ”I look at the window.”
So, uh, Za… Jack.
Jack, why-why are you put in this place?
I don’t know, Bob. It was, like,
voodoo or something, you know?
I was framed. I’m completely
innocent. You understand?
– Yes. You are innocent man. I understand.
– Yeah.
And you, my friend, Zack, Continue reading “050 – Down By Law”→

WILL
You know, I was on this plane once. And I’m sitting there and uh…the captain gets on, he does his whole, you know, we’ll be cruisin’ at 35,000 feet. But then he puts the mic down n forgets to turn it off.

SEAN
mm-hmm.

WILL
And so he turns to the co-pilot n he’s like, “you know, all I could use right now is a fuckin’ blow job and a cup of coffee.” So the stewardess fuckin’ goes bombin’ up from the back of the plane to tell him that the microphone’s still on. N this guy in the back of the plane is like, “Hey, hon, don’t forget the coffee!”

SEAN
You ever been on a plane?

WILL
No, but it’s a fuckin’ joke. It works better if I tell it in
the first person.

It was in the middle of the desert, in the middle of nowhere, but on the way to Vegas, so, you know, every once in a while a car would pull in, get gas. It was the last gas stop before Vegas. Office had the chair, had a cash register, and that was all the room there was in that office. I was asleep, and I heard a noise. You know, just like in my mind. So I got up, and I walked out, and I stood on the curb of where the gas station ends, you know, the driveway there. I’m rubbing the sand out of my eyes, trying to see what’s going on, and way down at the very end of the gas station they had tire racks. Chains around them, you know. And I see there’s an Econoline van down there. And there’s a guy with his T-shirt off, and he’s packing his Econoline van with all these tires. He’s got the last two tires in his hands, pushes them into the thing, and then I, of course, I go, “Hey, you!” This guy turns around, he’s got no shirt on, he’s sweating, he’s built like a brick shithouse, pulls out a knife, it’s 12 inches long, and then starts running at me as fast as he can, going AAAAAAAHHHHH. Continue reading “waking life – bar scene”→