Week 9

Week 9 Predictions-Zach Busby

This week has been a strange one for me. Some of my prized possessions were taken from me, the Sports Guy. But I won’t let the horrible acts of some affect the happiness of the billions of people that visit Fool’s Gold on a daily basis. If there is one message that is prevalent throughout each of my posts, it’s that terrorism never wins out; only the Titans get to do that.

Cincinnati Bengals @ Miami Dolphins– Sure, this game has already happened. Sure, I could take this as a chance to get an easy correct pick. But, I believe in integrity. I would have picked the Bengals this game. I would have said that no matter what, Geno Atkins ACL would be exactly the same as it was before the game. But kids, this is an important lesson. I’m not a psychic. I’m just damn good at my job, probably better than the best ever (Chris Berman). But even Boomer misses a game or two. I knew Andy Dalton was a faker.

I would have picked the Bengals 27-14

Kansas City Chiefs @ Buffalo Bills– In a league full of great throwers of the football, it’s pretty impressive that the Chiefs are undefeated with only a great hander off of the football. I mean Alex Smith is a definite improvement from last season’s dismal abyss of pain and darkness named Matt Cassel, but if this team didn’t have Andy Reid, Kansas City would have less wins and more cheeseburgers. Speaking of cheeseburgers, doesn’t Thaddeus Lewis’ head look like a big mac? And no, I won’t capitalize big mac, I’m taking a stand against McDonald’s; it should not be as intertwined with sports as it is. McDonald’s is the opposite of sports. And Buffalo this week, is the opposite of a winning football team.

Chiefs take this one 26-20

Atlanta Falcons @ Carolina Panthers– I fell in love with Cam Newton last Thursday, and here’s to hoping that he emails me back. The collapse of the Falcons, while fun to watch, is even more fun to read about in my previous posts. I think the Falcons organization is getting so tired of explaining why Matt Ryan can’t win important playoff games, that they’re not gonna let him ever go back. The Panther’s defense will decimate Matty Ice and his even colder receiver corps and they’ll melt all over the field (and Mike Tolbert will slip and slide into the end zone to put the game away in the 3rd quarter).

Panthers win 36-14

Minnesota Vikings @ Dallas Cowboys– They could try to make me pay to watch this one, as if it were a heavyweight fight on HBO, and I wouldn’t feel bad for freely and completely ignoring it. What are the headlines in this game anyway? Two head coaches who are barely in the top 30 head coaches duking it out all for a week of ESPN talking about how the Cowboys have finally turned it around? Yeah, that’s something they’re too afraid to write. But not me. I’m not too afraid to tell you that Tony Romo is an elite quarterback drowning on this team because his coach is his owner’s bitch.

That being said, Cowboys win 31-18

New Orleans Saints @ New York Jets– Sadly, I’m kind of interested in the brotherly rivalry in this game. I know if it were me against my brother out there, I’d coach for a different team other than the Jets or Saints. We’d probably both coach for the Titans, me obviously being the head coach, and just win every game ever. That’s something I know the Jets cannot do. The Human Geno Project with sustain another stain in the win-loss column this week, but don’t worry, they’ll still be picked as a prospective playoff team by nfl.com over the more deserving Chargers and Titans.

Saints win 33-25

Tennessee Titans @ St. Louis Rams– Jeff, sincerely I thank you for the amazing years you were able to provide to this Titans junkie. I thank you for drafting Steve McNair, I thank you for taking us to the Super Bowl, and I thank you for growing some of the best mustaches I’ve ever seen. I want to thank you for losing this game, like you know you should. You will always be my favorite head coach who doesn’t coach for the Titans, and I swear if you ever come back, we’ll pick up where we left off. Good luck with Kellen Clemens man. Good luck trying to stop Jake Locker. And good luck with any future facial hair decisions.

Titans win 23-9

San Diego Chargers @Washington Redskins– I swear on RG3 that Phillip Rivers throws for over 400 yards this game. Washington is slowly proving my theory that Mike Shanahan is not a good coach, just a creepy old man who likes to boss his son around into coaching a mediocre offense despite having immense talent on that side of the ball. The other Mike (McCoy) is proving that someone can come in next year for Washington and show how similar Shanahan and Norv Turner really are.

Chargers win 38-28

Philadelphia Eagles @ Oakland Raiders– It’s kind of sad Mike Vick won’t be able to play against Pryor. Injuries really tarnish the excitement of the NFL. Football honestly is supposed to be the best against the best, which makes it surprising that we are letting this game even happen.

Raiders win 25-23

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Seattle Seahawks-Ha.

Seattle wins 28-3

Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns– It’s kind of crazy how far the Ravens have fallen in my eyes. I feel betrayed by Joe Flacco; he said he was going to be good this year, but he’s been 2010 Joe Flacco at best. Jason Campbell looked closer to 2012 Flacco last week than Flacco has all year. That was a gross sentence to write; sorry you had to read it. And to anyone who is going to watch this game, may I recommend some Sudoku to pass the time?

Browns win 18-13

Pittsburgh Steelers @ New England Patriots– Ben Roethlisberger recently said that he feels that Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the league. This is smart, because when they lose, he can point to the fact that Tom Brady has never gotten into trouble in a bathroom. Wait, was that the point I was trying to make? This use to be a game I looked forward to watching, but now it’s a game I resent having to write about.

Patriots win 24-19

Indianapolis Colts @ Houston Texans– I wish both these teams could just lose. But despite my letters to Roger Goodell, that’s not a possibility. Sure, we can take the kick returner out of the Pro Bowl, but we can’t take the unfortunate fact that one of the Teams has to win this week. Curse you Roger and your vendetta on fun football.

Colts win 28-21

Chicago Bears @ Green Bay Packers– I never thought I’d say that I miss Jay Cutler, and good thing I didn’t, because I don’t miss him and I’ll never say I do. The marque game is supposed to be on Monday night, but instead we get Aaron Rodgers without Cobb against the Bears with a backup. MNF has been slacking this year, and I blame it on Carrie Underwood.