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10 SIMPLE Tips to Prevent Failure….at ANYTHING

Looking for simple foolproof tips to be successful in every aspect of your life? Who isn’t?

But that’s not what this blog post is about. I am here to give you the 10 simple tips to keep you from EVER failing. Isn’t that much better working hard to become a success, and maybe not having that happen?

Just follow these 10 simple tips, you won’t fail!!

(1) Do not plan. Planning is for boring people who like to get things done. The moment you do any amount of planning, you put yourself on the path to CERTAIN failure, as you immediately create the expectation that you might actually accomplish something. This is a very bad idea, because in case you do not accomplish exactly what you plan to do, that means, HELLO FAILURE! See tip #7 for more on this topic.

(2) Avoid planning at all costs. Really, it will just put you to sleep. Well, of course if you are are having trouble sleeping, there’s nothing wrong with fake planning to help bring on the zzzzs. See tip #1 for more details.

(3) Do not sign up for courses on things that interest you and that you too might like to learn. Learning is slow and boring and sleep-inducing. You have to spend time READING dusty old books (yes, they still insist on that). Consider that you might spend years learning something, practicing some godforsaken craft (like lute-playing or brain surgery) and still wind up, at best AVERAGE and most likely, boring.

(4) Never look for expert advice on what you are trying to accomplish. This may sound the same as tip #3, but it’s a somewhat more nuanced issue as experts are EVERYWHERE these days, so you need to know how to avoid them. Experts are actually more easily spotted then you think. Google ‘em up, consult Wikipedia and you’ll see what I mean. Therefore, it’s best to avoid talking to everyone.

If there is one piece of advice you take from this post it’s this: if you are trying to do something you’ve never tried before, it’s best not to consult anyone before you set out. For example, let’s say you are attempting brain surgery or lute playing, something you have never done before. The last thing you should do is ask a brain surgeon or a lute player about how to do this, as you will likely be frowned upon as a NON-expert and branded as an immediate failure.

(5) Ok, the only exception to the “do not consult experts” tip is that if you want to be accomplished in an area where you have no expertise, and you find an expert out there who knows how to do exactly what you want to do, then just go ahead and claim that whatever they have invented or created is actually your creation or invention. Why should they get all the credit for an invention you wished you’d invented? Just go ahead.

You’ve heard the saying “if wishes were horses, beggars would ride?” This is often said in a derogatory manner, as if it were a bad thing to be a beggar and wished you could have someone else’s nice horse to ride around on. Here’s the thing: shouldn’t we be charitable and let all the dreaming beggars ride? On someone else’s horse? Yes, I believe we should.

(6) Always charge exorbitant fees. People will not believe you have any ability if you start by giving things away for free, or a pittance. Credibility comes only with high hourly rates. Go for your dreams, people. No fee is too high.

(7) Do not even start. Do not begin. This is the corollary, in fact the direct result, of adhering to tips #1 and #2. You will conquer step #7 by following steps #1 and #2. Never plan – this is indeed the only way you will avoid starting down the road to failure.

(8) Don’t waste your time dreaming. Dreams are for people who want to grow up to be astronauts or best-selling authors, and look what has happened to the space program and publishing. Just save yourself time and money, avoid failure, and just get out there and start billing. See tip #6.

(9) Do not believe in yourself. No one else does, except perhaps the people who love you, like family and friends. They want you to succeed, and they know sometimes failure is the path to success. They are very forgiving and encouraging, but they are not to be trusted.

(10) Lastly, do not believe what people say about hardship, rejection, and yes failure paving the pathway to eventual success. Ugh. Who wants to be constantly failing, making mistakes, and learning from mistakes. Certainly not the failure-avoiders. If you start to doubt the wisdom of these tips, keep this simple advice in mind: if it’s too hard, you shouldn’t have tried in the first place. Trust me, it’s much easier being a quitter than a failure.

Success is a lot of hard work. Much of that hard work that goes into creating — whether that is in writing a book or learning a skill — is unpaid and unacknowledged. I’m here to tell you that it’s much easier to avoid the whole issue of lots of work and nothing to show for it by giving you these foolproof tips to keep you from ever failing.

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Susan Koefod is a recent winner of a McKnight Artist Fellowship for Writers, administered by the Loft Literary Center. Five $25,000 awards are presented annually to accomplished Minnesota writers and spoken word artists.

My goal with this blog is to offend everyone in the world at least once with my words… so no one has a reason to have a heightened sense of themselves. We are all ignorant, we are all found wanting, we are all bad people sometimes.