Money Dilemmas

Someone takes you out for a meal at a nice restaurant but leaves a horrible tip. The service wasn't great, but not bad either. Can you add cash to the table?
It depends on whom you're with. If your host is a close friend or relative, you can say, "Would you mind if I put down a few dollars? You probably didn't notice, but our server was extra helpful to me." With someone you don't know well, however, it's better to just let it go. You wouldn't want to seem like an ungrateful or judgmental guest.

Your coworkers are collecting money for someone's baby gift. You are pretty low on the totem pole -- do you have to ante up as much as the senior staff?
Not at all. Chip in what you can; a few bucks is fine. Office celebrations can be so frequent that contributing might get burdensome. One solution: Suggest that your group try a collection pool. Pick a month to start and have everyone contribute an agreed-upon amount. The resulting fund pays for parties and gifts for the next year -- no more collections, no more pressure.

Your niece is always asking you to sponsor her school by buying popcorn, magazines, etc. You don't let your kids collect from relatives this often. How do you stop the cycle?
Just say no. You've become your niece's best customer -- why would she stop soliciting for more? The next time she calls, let her know that you'll be cutting back: "Danielle, I'll be happy to buy some cookies, but you should know that this is the only fund-raiser of yours that I can give to this year. I'm getting a lot more requests recently, so I've decided to participate in just one for each niece and nephew each year.

At a tag sale, a friend spots something fabulous but pricey -- and she has only $10. She borrows $50 and promises to repay right away...but a week goes by, and then two, with no word. What should you do?
There's no need to drop hints or mince words; simply ask for your money back. She probably just forgot and would appreciate a reminder. The next time you're on the phone, casually say, "Do you have that $50 I spotted you?" But if she really is dodging, don't let her put you off any longer. Tell her you need the money that day, and you'll swing by her house to get it.

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Money Dilemmas, Continued

Your aunt wants to buy a stroller for your baby, so you show her the one you'd like, which costs $200. She gets it but later emails you that she paid only $50 for a stroller when her own daughter was born. Now you feel bad. How should you respond?
Your aunt is obviously annoyed, but whatever she's feeling, it's tacky for her to point out the price difference. (And if the last stroller she bought was for her own child -- who's presumably all grown up now -- she may also be out-of-date on current price tags.) If she had a cost limit in mind, she should have let you know in advance rather than complain afterward. However, you can learn from the experience. In this situation, it would have been safer to say: "This is the stroller I have my heart set on. It's kind of expensive. If it fits your budget, that would be terrific...but if not, there are lots of other things I'd love to have." Mention a few other lower-priced items on your wish list so the giver will have choices.

You live on a cul-de-sac that ends in a large grass-covered patch, which the neighbors take turns mowing all summer. Now some people (including you) want to hire a lawn service, but others are balking at the cost. What now?
Unless you have a neighborhood association where the majority rules, you can't force dissenters to pay. Instead, graciously accept everyone's decision -- then designate which weeks the service will mow and which weeks the nonpaying households will take their turns.

Your father is having a milestone birthday, so you and your three siblings are chipping in for an expensive group gift. Two of you are married; the other two are single. Should the gift be divided evenly, with each sib paying 25 percent, or should those with spouses put in more?
Split the bill four ways. Your father has four kids, and they're the ones who should be springing for the present (although it is only courteous to have husbands and wives sign the card). If this turns into a major argument, avoid the situation in the future by having each family member find his or her own gift.

Rules for Restaurants

Make it clear if you're treating.
You can invite friends to a restaurant without picking up the tab, but use language that makes it clear. Say, "John, would you and Ellen like to meet us at Jackson's Grill on Saturday? If you're up for it, I'll make the reservation." If you do want to pay for everyone's dinner, you'd phrase it differently: "We're hosting a dinner at Ronin's and would like you to be our guests." A written invitation also says that you are treating.

Avoid haggling.
When you go out to dinner with a group of people, you should assume that the check will be split equally rather than calculated down to the penny. It's easiest for everyone, so plan accordingly. But if you think you'll be ordering just a light salad with no cocktails and want to pay appropriately, ask for separate bills before you order. (Most restaurants will comply.) Or, when plans are being made, say, "I'd really like to come, but I'm strapped for cash this month. I hope you won't mind if I get a separate bill." You won't overpay, and the arrangement doesn't have to be discussed at the table.

Don't skip tips.
If your experience was less than stellar, it's okay to leave 10 percent (or 8 percent if it was poor). Leaving nothing is harsh and ambiguous -- the server may think you forgot. Decide if the waiter really caused the problems (it might have been the kitchen's fault that the food was so slow in coming out). And don't wait until you're leaving to express dissatisfaction. Mention it as soon as you can so the waiter has a chance to make you happy.