6/20/14

It's World Cup time, sports-of-some-kind fans! And that means sports of some kind! Your vital zone! Are you protecting it? Also, WTF is your vital zone?

We have answers, people, so simmer down. You'd think that your vital zone may be your brain, or your heart or something. After all, you'd be mostly screwed without them, unless you have a career in cable news, ha ha. BOOM! Take THAT, twenty-four-hour bullshit news cycle that pushes an agenda via slanted coverage rather than simply reporting world events and allowing the viewer to decide for him or herself! You've been slammed!

Nope. Brains and hearts aren't "vital". Your junk, however, is what Pal and Bike and Bauer and Black which was a division of the Kendall Company were talking about. This ad is from 1931, so they preferred to use delicate terms like "vital zone", which would simply confuse anyone without prior knowledge. But what would be the un-delicate term?

"In no major college sport is a student allowed to compete... or even practice... without an athletic supporter to guard his twig and berries."

I guess that's why they felt they had to draw a circle around the guy's junk to drive the point home. Look at his face. He's got kind of a Walter White thing going, hasn't he?

Humm. 2500 South Dearborn.So what's there now? A family planning center? That'd be funny. Or a sausage factory? Huh huh huh.

I'm not sure what you could do with it, but here's the baseball player from today's ad, presented to you in convenient clip art form. Please enjoy, if that's what you're into. You're welcome, I guess. See you Monday.