You would think that 1 of the hottest topics at the Atlanta Hair Show would have been about some fantastic hair-do… but it wasn’t. Way from it.

The buzz on the floor and from booth to booth was about Will Smith and Jeda Pickett-Smith.

I had long ago wrote a glowing blog about them being great role models and a beautiful couple… but who knew that all was not what it seemed?

They seemed to be the perfect couple. Happy… and certainly with it all going on. But who knew what dark little secrets lurked deep down within?

Who knew that it was at all as it was made to seem?

I thought them happy. I thought them perfectly matched. I thought that they truly loved one another. I thought that there was nothing that could drive them apart. I thought…

Well, I thought all was well. But it seems that it wasn’t. And that it was far from being well.

It was my son that broke the news to me saying-

“It was all everybody was talking about.”

But who knew?

Well… I knew someone who knew… and she told me it many years ago saying-

“Awh, come on, Bern… don’t you see it. If you don’t then you are the only 1 who doesn’t.”

But I refused to accept it. But it seems that she was right… that same friend who I wrote about in my blog about the DeBarge family… the 1 who I used to laugh with when we would giggle over, and pick fun at how sissy the DeBarge brothers all seemed. Yeah, her…

So, I asked my son what were they saying?

And why?

And he said they got tired of having an open marriage.

I said –

“What? What do you mean an open marriage?”

I was thinking he was talking about the usual kind of thing maybe some other woman … or possibly another man. The man part was right… but he wasn’t talking about Jeda.

It was Will.

And my son said that everybody at the hair show was talking about it. Since the hair show was made up of a large number of gay men… I immediately began to think that this had to be true. Because gay men are in the know about such things as this. And from men to women at the hair show… they were all buzzing about it.

I have yet to pull myself up off the floor behind this. Some things really do come as such a surprise… and this was 1 for me. Though I have to say it again… my friend had told me it long ago, when Will was playing as the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire.

It was something I guess I never wanted to see… and perhaps way down deep I was hoping it wasn’t so. And I STILL AM.

I really thought Will and Jeda made for a great couple. They seemed to be great parents …and they seemed to place a high value on family.

Though I wasn’t particular about their new-found religious beliefs… and how after coming into all that money they decided that they wanted to convert into becoming members of the Church of Scientology. Which struck me as a Hollywood thang… for the $20 million plus crowd. Which Will stepped into many years ago after leaping from the small screen onto the large screen… with a massive following.

It is disappointing really. But I guess we are all chased by demons at some point or other in our lives. The trick is to not allow them to consume us. And to fight until we win… and not them.

There seems to be a rash of men and women stepping into the gay lifestyle. For some it seems to be hip…even fashionable. But for others it is something that they have been drawn into … whether by their own fascination …or by some type of inducement… enticement… inquisitive nature … or whatever have you. And clearly I forgot about acts of abuse as another root cause for some.

But for whatever reason it seems to be growing. Or maybe it is that it is more open. Perhaps, the latter is probably the real case.

And it seems to me that I see so many young school kids making choices at early ages about such things. And many of them… especially the girls are deep into role-playing… meaning dressing or acting out the male role.

Having come out ‘the life’… meaning having been gay myself… I cannot help but feel for them. So, I study them and watch them… and can’t seem to take my eyes off them. Because I hate to see anyone commit their lives to something that is so anti-them.

I can’t say that I hated me. But I did hate what I looked like… hated my size… and I can’t remember what else. But I never really liked me.

I never thought I was pretty or anything like that. And my interest were not really in girl-ly things.

But I never desired to be a boy… and certainly not a man. I did like that part about me.

So, I never considered role-playing as an option for me… though for most of my relationships with women …I was designated as what would have been the male role. Because even in not playing roles… somehow you end up in them. Somebody is going to be more fem …and somebody butch. And it is because that is how life is… and we imitated life and the various categories of life as 2 people together.

But I really get disturbed at seeing so many young people gravitating towards an alternate lifestyle. And particular those who are so young… young girls and boys in the 7th or 8th grade.

CLICK. It has just dawn on me that I was in the 9th grade when some girl first started following me around… and later began to stick letters into my locker. How quickly we forget.

I rarely think of it now. Her letters turned into phone calls when she happen to come upon my sister 1 day… telling my sister that I had given her our phone number… and that she had lost it. So, my sister accommodated her by giving it to her again… or so she thought.

This is when I found out that all those mysterious letters in my locker were coming from a girl. It is funny because I never ever talked to that girl face 2 face… until much later in our lives. Because for 1 thing I was afraid of her…

I was naive and had never heard of 2 women …or girls doing anything together. .. sexually that is. And secondly… well… I just thought that she was crazy.

Once I realized what was going on I soon began to notice that that girl used to walk pass all my classrooms. She used to just stand there outside my classrooms looking through the glass door at me. She also used to sneak into the 9th grade lunch… as she at the time was only an 8th grader… and she would always sit somewhere across from me… watching me… staring at me. It is funny how I had never noticed her before… but then I had thought it was some boy sending me all those letters.

Though the girl never tried to hurt me… or ask me to do anything sexually… I nevertheless kept my distance from her.

Believe it of not I had actually finished this blog…BUT LOST EVERYTHING BELOw THIS. So, at some point maybe I may come back and redo it. But not right now …or tonight it is after 4 AM…