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New York cop Gilberto Valle was convicted of plotting to kidnap and eat women with whom he chatted online. It never ends. Between Mayor Bloomberg and Michelle Obama there is just no end to this obsession for throwing people in jail over what they want to eat.

The London Mail reported Friday that gasoline prices have hit ten dollars per gallon in Great Britain. It's forcing people to change their daily lifestyles. Queen Elizabeth just urged everyone in England to stop eating horses because we need them to pull the buggies.

CBS disclosed it will take in six hundred million in ad revenue airing the NCAA tourney this month. The players get paid nothing. When Abe Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, nobody noticed that the small print included an exception for college athletes.

Harvard researchers found a chemical in red wine that greatly increases the average life span. It doesn't solve the problem. Life expectancy in the U.S. is seventy-eight years, but the average age a person has to work before they can afford to retire is seventy-nine years.

Ohio Democratic poll worker Melowese Richardson was charged Monday with voter fraud. She was listed voting six times for Barack Obama in the November election. She was eight short of her quota so she's being thrown to the wolves as a warning to the others.

Southern California was rocked by four earthquakes Monday. The local news anchors all jumped under the desk at the same time, then they jumped back up in their chairs ten seconds later. The Channel Four anchor walked away with the ribbon for Best in Show.

Ashley Judd is set to run for the U.S. Senate in Kentucky as a Democrat. Her past nude movie scenes include a clip of her taking holy communion topless. If she can convince the Baptists that this scene satirizes Catholicism, she's the next U.S. Senator from Kentucky.

The Catalina Sky Telescope caught pictures of four asteroids buzzing closely past the Earth last weekend. A meteor recently exploded over a city in Siberia two weeks ago and then a comet flew close by the Earth Monday. For awhile some people thought that George H.W. Bush was hitting golf balls at us but then they remembered he got out of the hospital.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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