It's a crazy, crazy world people!

Month: June 2017

First off let me congratulate all of you class of 2017! You are now going out into a real cold world and I would like to share with you some suggestions in the hopes that you’ll stay on track. Of course you will at times run into rough patches however since I’ve been around awhile & I’ve taken many wrong turns with my own life I want to provide some suggestions in the hopes that it may help you with transitioning out in the world. Now, with that said here is the number one thing you should be doing. Either go to school i.e. University, community college, or learn a trade. Usually you can learn the trade at the community college, or go to a state accredited trade school. Steer clear of those “for profit schools” such as Pima Institute, or any place that has the word “institute” in it or any so called school not state accredited. What happens is that financial aid won’t cover all the way over priced tuition so whats left for you is those burdensome student loans which you don’t EVER want to pay back. If possible tuition should be paid one of three ways:

1. Grants

2. Scholarship

3. Out of pocket ( or have parents pay if that’s feasible)

I would HIGHLY recommend some form of schooling for as long as possible e.g. if you choose college study all the way through to at least a masters degree. If the option of a trade is appealing to you I would recommend an apprenticeship program, however I would recommend some community college courses in math prior to applying. If math is what your great at, and you don’t wish to pursue the college path then apply straight for the apprenticeship programs. I would recommend trying to live at home for awhile but if that isn’t an option check into some youth programs in your local area for possible independent living programs. Look into that do your research. I had NO ONE guide me, talk to me, or anything when I graduated high school. I was ignored, no one listened to me, I didn’t know how to communicate with the adults I knew b/c all they did was talk down, insult, or become hostile & abusive towards me. It got to the point where I couldn’t trust any of the adults around me. Even the high school teachers, counselors didn’t seem to bother with any kind of guidance they weren’t exactly approachable. No joke. Avoid going into the military unless there really isn’t a whole lot of other options for you or if joining the military is something you really want that may include those of you who are lucky enough to gain an appointment into one of the nations military academies if that is what you want go for it kids. Believe me I understand this all too well. You may live in a very rural town with not a lot of options or anyone to really go to for some consultation due probably to the fact that the people you are surrounded with don’t really know too much. I would recommend the Air Force as a possible branch but you will need to get tested, then pass a psychological test. It’s not easy. Just make sure you pick job that you like then if you do well your first tour which usually lasts between 2-4 years stay in for as long as possible (20 years usually) to earn a pension. It would be worth it, you can go to college + there are other benefits. I’m telling you all this because I planned poorly in my younger life b/c I was scared, didn’t know anything, and had no one to talk to nor someone to ask questions that may have helped me along . Luckily I’m now beginning to get my life on track. Now is the time youngsters to begin maturing emotionally and start down that road because trust me you don’t want to end up on that treadmill of dead end jobs or work the same mindless dead job year in year out. Whatever place you are at in your life as a teen, if you didn’t finish getting that high school diploma then get that GED then keep on learning going to school or learning a trade or whatever. If you just barely made it but did graduate high school that’s okay too get your butt to a community college. If there are problems at home and you need to leave see if the military ( preferably navy or air force) might be an option and do your best to get some support to get some kind of temporary lodging remember go to the computer search engine for help, go to a friend, maybe a relative. If you have a little part time job try to stick it out for as long as possible, if living at home is an option & you get along with your family chip in what you can for utilities.

I wish I had something like this when I graduated but there was no internet. No really there wasn’t any internet. The internet was first available sometime in 1991 (according to Google) so I had NO ONE telling me, guiding me. It was horrible. At least there are more resources available today & it seems that perhaps teachers + school admin give more support than when I was in school. I didn’t grow up in the great depression era, but it was still a deprived education system nonetheless.

Good luck grads! It won’t be an easy road but than again nothing in life ever is.

Next time I’ll talk about college housing but some of you may already know about that for those of you headed to University this Fall.

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My views on marijuana personally I hate it! I hate drugs, narcotics of any kind except when its prescribed by a doctor. But let me chime in my 2 cents that just because some corrupt & evil government types legalized it does not mean that you can smoke that stuff outside! I don’t care to smell that shit while I’m walking to the store. It stinks! Why would anyone want to smoke that shit? Marijuana makes you lazy, stupid. I don’t care if its legal. It’s still wrong. My pet peeve are losers who park their vehicle on a public parking lot smoking it. It’s very ignorant. But then again this country doesn’t have a shortage of ignorance.

This goes out to the evil gangster/pimp dude who thought he was so cool in his white pick up truck in the parking lot of Chase bank, Safeway blazing up his doobie

standing outside of his truck blowing his smoke over in my direction. Your a jack ass. I can say it on here were I’m safe. I can’t stand guys like you. Hopefully your girl will dump you. People like this make my stomach sick!

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It is not lost on me that tomorrow is gay pride. And as a woman of experience who has been on the receiving end of other womens bigotry here is some warning for those of you women out there not in the know or who may be naive based on my own nightmare for over 2 decades. It’s a lot of jealousy, backstabbing, betrayal, loss of potential partners b/c another woman liked YOU better and the other woman just couldn’t stand for that. This is what you can look forward to women.

Haters are going to hate. It doesn’t matter if your the nicest person on earth some if not all will just out right hate on you because you have something that they want. This I know. In all my years of being out there the best I encountered were women who would be vulgar or if not verbally abusive greet me with a look of contempt mixed in with a twisted looking snarl on their face for added emphasis.

An example: Many years ago I was friends with a nice woman we were introduced by a mutual friend. One day the woman & I went to this really upscale bar & grill which is no longer in business. The woman knew someone who worked at this bar & grill & to make a long story short I introduced myself saying the following:

“Hi I’m _________”

“Her response was the following: “Well who the fuck cares”! was exactly how she put it. She was an ape of a woman real ugly which could have explained it. Me on the other hand I simply laughed it off, however looking back I should have punched the hell out of her. What can I say? I was young & I wanted to look good in the eyes of my friend. But deep down inside? I was angered & deeply hurt. And guess what? My mistreatment certainly didn’t end there. This type of behavior kept up for 2 decades. Other gay women just don’t give a goddamn its much worse when your a non white woman. Which is why I feel that this gay pride is nothing but a sham & an excuse for people to screw like jackrabbits, party with drugs, and get involved in all sorts of bad behavior. It’s not a community. More like a non community of shallowness, selfishness, racism. I know I’ve been deeply traumatized by my experience’s. So much so that I now don’t like ANY gay women. I only want to hang with straight women. And as far as any relationship it won’t be with no damn woman either. I don’t feel a need for approval because I feel like this ‘WHO CARES’ I never was popular except in high school were I had tons of friends, excelled in sports, and found it easy to communicate with my peers & adults alike ( I miss those days) But the so called gay community is so dysfunctional I don’t have the stomach for it. I want a new life were I’m treated with dignity & respect. I want a life were I feel I’m welcomed. I want a life where I’m surrounded by women who actually LIKE THEMSELVES and don’t feel the need to put others down and when I say put others down what I mean is cutting them down to mere shreds of humanity. I want to be around women who are civil with MANNERS, CLASS and who don’t act like cave people e.g. wanting to fight, giving dirty looks, acting sullen etc. Most of all I like INCLUSIVENESS! Most women seem to me to not know the meaning of that word…..literally! I have too much self respect to expose myself to toxic women who view me as a piece of ass, or another notch, or who don’t take me seriously enough to act with some modicum of what an adult should behave like.

I don’t come from a great background in fact I come from a horrible one. But I know how to act & behave in a way that’s civil I consider another’s feelings . I’m afraid I can’t say the same for my fellow woman. The only pride I’ll celebrate is pride of self minus all the shameful show of rainbow flags, half naked men, that isn’t what pride is about. Some of you need to look up pride in a dictionary. Bars, dancing, acting obnoxious, and from I’ve learned on a YouTube video picking fights with protesters ISN’T WHAT PRIDE IS ABOUT. You need to show some class people. Pride is about standing proud with class & showing some good character in a peaceful manner.

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Today as I was taking my usual stroll to the store for a few things I actually wasn’t feeling so bad. That is until while waiting at the corner light there was another black couple waiting across the street directly in front of me, (BTW I’m African amercian) I noticed something as I was waiting. These same two people crossed the opposite street walked half a block then cut across the street jaywalking against the heavy traffic. Now here is the thing, I don’t know these bozo’s from a can of paint so I already know that it’s them that have the problem, however this speaks volumes about the sorry ass city which I live in. Even other African americans are hostile. It’s not just the police & their brutality. That’s the environment I live in everyone. At the time of this writing I’m doing research to explore getting some seasonal work OUT OF WASHINGTON state. I also have my eye on a school out of this state and I won’t mention where that is b/c that’s my secret.

Living where I live is absolutely unbearable no amount of online support sites help b/c a lot of those people who even seek online support are really screwed up & looking for someone to take care of them! In other words those particular sites that I mention are very much a one way street, those sites are just not therapeutic!

And the morale of this story boys & girls? MAKE GOALS! then pray & figure out how they can come to fruition. This is the lonely shepard taking a bow. PEACE!

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I mean it’s not like I don’t open my mouth to reach out. I do. However there ain’t no one out here that will F**king listen to me! I live alone for many years. My childhood was HELL! No love no nurturing but plenty of molesting, physical abuse, psychological abuse that could have matched any tactics that the C.I.A. could have done & who knows the people that raised me could have been demonically induced b/c they did a great job scaring the HELL out of me. Anyhow, I survive all this shit only to get worse treatment as an adult and not just for a few years but ever since I turned 18 years of age. I’m older now so far I’m a year older, same shit in fact more shit. Still the cold indifferent Mother who just doesn’t seem to give a damn about nothing. Today being Fathers day & my Dad having been dead awhile now you would think I would get some kind of emotional support….but no I don’t my Mother has all the personality of plywood…it was all about her as usual. I try to call an extended family member but she didn’t seem at all interested in talking to me nor giving any kind of support not even a little bit. It felt like I wasn’t even on the damn phone.

I feel so damn invisible. I feel angry and I want to hurt someone real bad like lash out. I guess it’s a good thing I live alone. For me people are just shit. I’ve really never known what its like to be treated well. I’ve given up being nice it does no good. Wished I could give my Mother a good smack in the face b/c she annoys me something bad.

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Oooh I just can’t stand this man! Does anyone else out there feel like he is double talking & straight out lying to Senator Kamal Harris about Donald Trumps goings on within his administration. I sure do. You can’t even understand what the hell he is talking about. It’s gibberish! I follow conversations quite well but damned if I understand a word he is saying. I can understand two Spanish speaking people better than I can this man & my Spanish isn’t all that good. Anyone else relate out there? He sounds like he has a stroke? Aaargh! I sure wish JFK Jr were still with us cause I sure wanted him to be president of our country (and that’s a whole other story about him). It’s time to really work on a plan to leave this Country a tall order I know, but I really don’t like what I’m witness to it makes me nauseas.

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