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The Art of Flirting

by Sheree R. Curry, B’yachad member

Face it. Sometimes you have thought someone was flirting with you and they weren’t. Other times someone was flirting, but you didn’t pick up on the clues. Perhaps you’ve even done the flirting, but just didn’t get noticed. Learn the art of flirting so that you are reading cues as effectively as you exude them. Here are 5 tips on flirting naturally.

Initiate conversation. And keep it flowing, but keep it simple and light while trying to find common interests. Use your own interests as guidelines (after all you want to know if you’re compatible). Just don’t talk too much about yourself (but do answer questions when you’re asked. Being elusive implies you’re hiding something). If you share a common interest, the conversation will flow naturally. If nothing else, talk about your surroundings, but don’t be overly critical of your environment (the food, the service, the way others are dressed, etc.)

Keep them talking. Avoid questions that can be answered with a yes or no response. Instead, pepper your talk with “why” and “how” questions. Avoid talking politics on the first date (unless you met at a political campaign). Also, don’t speak on any depressing topics and don’t discuss your problems, past, present or future or imagined! No one wants to begin a relationship with someone who appears to unstable, needy or loaded with baggage.

Smile, and smile with your eyes too. Making eye contact from across the room is a good way to initiate acquaintance, but remember to make eye contact throughout conversation, as well. You don’t want to stare, just gaze. Of course you must look away at times, and when you do, lower your eyes gently before refocusing them. This avoids a darting, shifty look. When you are facing someone, playfully looking at them in the eyes is very gripping and it compels them to look back at you. Note, you can tell how interested a person is in you if their pupils are dilated. By looking at the person, they will also be able to notice your eyes. Remember to smile, but not smirk. A winning smile will go a long way and will make your eyes sparkle.

Body language. If you’re sitting, keep your knees or your torso turned toward the person. Or, if you’re a woman you can have your back slightly turned away while looking over your shoulder at the guy. Men, lean in slightly while talking. Try to find an opportunity to whisper something in the person’s ear, just make it short and simple. During conversation touch the person lightly on the arm, the shoulder or the knee, but do not linger long. And do not, repeat, do not make any sexual advances. Appropriate times to touch, say, someone’s arm, is when you want to direct their attention to another side of the room, or alert them that someone is approaching from behind, for emphasis in your story, or when you or they laugh softly. Although you’re being deliberate, it comes across very natural. Also during the conversation if you briefly and lightly touch your own hair, chin, cheek or ear it helps to bring the other person’s eyes toward your face. Just don’t appear as if you’re vainly grooming yourself, have a nervous tick or are picking at a scab. Keep your touch light.

Compliment and flatter. A great way to get a person to show interest in you is to make compliments that are flattering, but genuine and not cheesy. Try telling the person they look nice in their outfit or that they look nice with that hairstyle (Remember, you are complimenting the way the person looks, not the outfit or the hair itself). Avoid over doing it by comparing them with the moon and the stars. A fake compliment is easily detected! When it’s time to end the conversation, be sure to thank them. Thank them for the evening, for the conversation, for picking up the tab, or whatever you can find to thank them for. Even if you thanked them earlier, always end the conversation on a thank you.