What to do when you hate your engagement ring

Back in the day, Mr G and I spoke a bit about getting married and so I had a pretty good idea that we were going to get engaged. There was no way I was going to let him spend thousands on an engagement ring that I hated because, let’s face it, there are some ugly rings out there. I looked at this as an investment, something that would become a family heirloom that would be passed down to my children and then hopefully, their children.

So, every lunchtime for quite some time, I’d make my way to different jewellers, eyeing off the different diamond engagement rings in Brisbane City, putting them on to see if they looked good on my stumpy but small fingers until I found the right one. I ever so discreetly indicated to Mr G which one I liked and he surprised me with the same style but the bigger diamond.

Disclaimer: This is not my actual engagement ring. If it was, I would be thoroughly disappointed.

Women who hate their engagement ring

I’ve heard many a story of women receiving engagement rings and even eternity rings that they’d prefer not to wear. For most reasons I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not liking a ring, but, I do feel sorry for the poor partners; they’ve probably put in a heap of effort and in their excitement, thought it was a beautiful ring.

“My husband and his mum picked out my engagement ring. I’m thinking of giving it back as a Christmas present because I don’t like the ugly thing. I want a completely different ring!”

So, what do you do if you don’t like the ring you’ve received? Do you tell your partner or wear a ring for the rest of your life that doesn’t bring a smile to your face when you look at it.

It’s a sensitive situation

Personally, I think it’s important to be honest with your partner. If it’s an engagement ring or even an eternity ring, you’re going to be wearing it every day for the rest of your life. Isn’t it important that you’re wearing something you love and that your partner can see you love it, too?

“I love my fiancé, but I don’t love my engagement ring. It’s small and unoriginal, and I know he could have done better. I hate my shallow self.”

At the crux of relationships is communication and this is indeed a situation that needs to be, delicately, discussed.

Of course, the way you approach your partner about the ring is going to determine the outcome and how it will affect your partner. The approach needs to be tactful and considerate of your partner’s feelings and demeanour. Yes, they’ll be disappointed initially, but over the long term, they’ll appreciate your honesty and prefer you to be happy with a lifetime piece of jewellery.

But before you tell your partner you don’t like your ring, try wearing the ring for a few days to see if it grows on you. If you’re not someone who wears a lot of jewellery, a new ring on your finger can take a bit of getting used to. If it doesn’t, here are some ways to break it to your partner.

Tactful ways to tell your partner you don’t like the ring

Instead of saying, “it’s ugly,” say, “it’s not your style.”

Ask them what made them pick that particular ring. Your partner could have a perfect reason that might change your mind, particularly if it’s a family heirloom!

Acknowledge the effort they put into purchasing the ring for you and how much you loved the proposal (if it’s an engagement ring) but that your style is more modern/traditional.

Instead of saying you’d like to return it, suggest having the stone reset into a different style.

Suggest that you work together as a couple to design a ring you’ll both love.

Go back to the jeweller to get a free clean and check. While you wait, see if there are any other engagement rings you like and ask about their returns policy. If you find one you prefer and can swap, tell your partner you’d prefer to exchange it for a style you much prefer.

Not engaged?

If you’re not engaged yet, I can offer this advice. Communication with your partner is key because beyond selecting engagement rings, communication will continue to be an important part of your relationship and getting to know each other.

Give your boyfriend a few hints that’ll help him design the perfect engagement ring. Let him know what type of jewellery you like, if you prefer silver, gold, rose gold. Let him know if you’d prefer a sapphire engagement ring instead of a diamond engagement ring. When I say ‘let him know’, I don’t mean being upfront about it, be discreet. Throw in the odd comment over time, tell your friends, leave the computer browser open with your favourite rings on the screen or wear the style jewellery you like so they can see it. If they care, they’ll take notice.

Lastly, if you decide on picking your own engagement ring as I did, look at value for money. Pay for the quality diamond in the diamond engagement ring, not the setting it sits in.

Eva is the Editor and Owner of The Multitasking Woman. She always has her fingers in many different pies but wouldn't have it any other way. Eva is self-employed as a content writer, copywriter and social media manager and is a Mum to her seven-year-old son, two-year-old daughter, five chickens, Benny the dog and wife to Mr G. They all live happily, mid-renovation, in their little worker's cottage in Ipswich, Queensland, Australia.

Hi! I'm Eva, a busy mum of two young children and a freelance copywriter and social media manager. Since being diagnosed with Bipolar and Anxiety Disorder in 2017, I've been on a quest to live a lifestyle that supports my mental health. It is this quest that lead me to changing the focus of TMW to a blog about self-care and wellbeing for busy women. Through TMW I aim to encourage busy women to fill their cup first amongst the juggling of family, work and relationships, in order to achieve their goals and dreams. TMW is all about you and I hope you enjoy it.