Nobody's Perfect lyrics

Nobody's Perfect

She-Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect.
I am human, so are you.
He-Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect.
Here is what we ought to plan to do.
Let's make a list of irritating habits
That we think the other person has.
She-Then once we know our irritating habits we can correct then
He-As for example:
Now please don't be offended,
But because these things exist,
I have taken the little liberty of fixing up a little list.

Spoken: He-Now, you're sure you don't mind?
She-Oh, I am absolutely sure.
He-Well, I think that's very bid of you.
She-Well, you see dear - It just so happens - that I have made up a little listing too (she pulls out an enormous roll of paper).

She-A pair of socks does not represent
The end of the civilized world.
If you're out of socks, believe me when I say
That there's bound to be a more effective way
To get them washed than to stand in your drawers
In the middle of the kitchen screaming:
"Someone has stolen my socks!"

He-This is a piece of paper.
This is a column which, as you see,
I have placed on the piece of paper.
This is a list of receipts and bills -
What we might call household expense,
Which I have entered along this line,
Forming a business-like design,
Inside the column which I've prepared
Upon this piece of paper.
This is a total of all those bills;
It's represents a month's expense.
The whole outlay in checks and cash
That went for the rent and the cornbeef hash;
In short, the sum and net result of all the figures
Inside the column which I've prepared
Upon this piece of paper.
Now this, as you know -
Is a statement from the bank...!
It must be compared with the total result
Of all the figures inside the column
If we are to know, in terms of cost,
Just how much money we've made or lost;
How far, in fact, we've come or gone;
What I'm trying to say is, Honey;
You're overdrawn - ! Again!

He-You are always late.
She-You are always early.
He-We're totally dressed
And ready to go.
I open the door.
But do we make it?
No!
It's... "Where are my gloves, my gloves, my gloves?"
And "where is my purse, my purse, my purse?"
"Where are my keys?" - "Where is my hat?"
"Where is my this?" - "Where is my that?"
If I protest, it only makes it worse -
Hat and gloves; keys and purse.
Pain in the neck - terrible curse!
And I would simply like to state
That if you ask me what I hate -
It's the terrible, horrible habit you have of always being late!
She-Oh, when I start to tell a story
An amusing anecdote I've read -
When I start to tell a funny, funny story,
I get flustered 'cause I know what lies ahead (It always happens!)
Yes, when I start to tell a story -
It makes no difference where we are -
When I get where the joke should be
You say it just ahead of me!
I mean to say - It drives me mad!

He-You give me Russian dressing which I happen to detest!
She-You grab the morning papers, and you take the part that's best!
He-Every night since we've been wed
You've worn cold cream into bed!
Every night beneath the sheet -
Must you look like trick or treat?

She-Well... Nobody's perfect!
Both-Nobody's perfect!
I am human; so are you!
Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect.
He-Now here is what we ought to plan to do;
You take my list and see if you can't do a little better!
She-You take mine and see if you can't notice an improvement!
Both-Cause nobody's perfect especially
He-Not you!
She-Not you!
Both-NOT YOU! Last Update: August, 07th 2015