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Always buy proper soap for guests as you can use it afterwards. In fact if you don't want guests cluttering up your house, just buy a neighbouring property which always comes in handy if you need storage space.

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She is in the process of selling her home – which has 15,870 sq ft of living space and 38 acres of grounds - and downsizing to a smaller property after splitting from her partner, financier Paul Zuckerman.

She was previously married to Baron Wolfson of Sunningdale.

Or marry a financier & get a £300 a day jolly in the House of Lords.

Kerching!

If times get really hard sell your overpriced 13 bedroom mansion & its 38 acres to another rentier parasite.

Not sure how much a marquee for 200 people costs per day but 200 Panama hats will be the thick end of £10,000. Gonna take the daft old bint a fair bit of melba toast to recoup that blowout.

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The Daily Mash could more or less copy that article verbatim and present it as satire.

Yes, and I think that sums up Britain's world-leading newspapers - entertainment and advertising. Look at the comments on the article - apart from a few numbskulls who take it literally, the readers love to hate her, and that's what the editor intended.