South Africa Tour 2009/10

I was quite enjoying it until some sour-faced Saffer turned up

Airline scheduling is a mystery to me. You turn up in a major city after 6pm and you can't get a flight to another major city, necessitating an Internet search for an airport hotel. Apparently, Cape Town does not have a hotel near the airport according to cyberspace. Bo****ks of course as I drove past one within walking distance before heading miles away to a bizarre motel on the edge of a motorway. You trust the f*****g Internet at your peril.

4 am start to make a Xmas Day flight at 0630 for Durban. Now that is a new one for me - flying on Xmas Day - and I was quite enjoying it until some sour-faced Saffer turned up in the plane to sit between me and some random guy. We were in the seats at the front with plenty of legspace but she was not happy. Couldn't work out what the problem was but clearly she did not like the cut of my gib. Next thing I know, she's moaning about me nudging her on the shared armrest. I can tell you that it took all my seasonal self-restraint to ask her in return if the contraceptive pill she had swallowed rather obviously just after take off was ingested more in hope than expectation.