The "I was really drunk at the time" excuse. Mayor in New Mexico says he signed $1 million in architecture contracts while plastered: "The day I signed ... I had way too much to drink. It was after 5 p.m. and I signed it (the contracts) and I didn't know what I was signing," Resendiz wrote as a response to questions from lawyers for the firm. "My sister had to pick me up."

So, what's up down on the border with the Latin hoards coming to steal our cattle, women, and illegal-wage jobs while acting all swarthy and not speaking Amer'can? Nothin'.