The first blog by a British prisoner. Variously described as being "obviously extremely intelligent" (Michael Gove MP), "full of shit" (Mark Leach) and a "fully paid up member of the awkward squad" (Parole Board), I try to generate debate around the moral and political nexus that is imprisonment. Imprisoned between ages 14 to 47, released on Licence in August 2012

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Grumpy Ben

Never the most gregarious of people, of late I've found myself becoming increasingly anti-social, deliberately avoiding other people.

Most evenings we are unlocked from 6 to 7.45 pm to socialise. This is called "association", reflecting a period when it was assumed that we would serve our time in perpetual solitude (and people went insane).

It used to be that I would largely remain in my cell, the door closed but unlocked and available to entertain visitors. Bring your own tea and tobacco, though!
For weeks, of late, I've found myself locking my door and covering the observation slit during association. This allows me to ignore callers and pretend I'm not in. It's the equivalent of turning all your lights off and hiding behind the sofa out there.

This may be some outward of expression of stress, a reduction in my ability to garner the patience to deal with people in general. Or maybe I'm going through a period of great introspection, a need for solitude in order to develop and refine ways to deal with an uncertain future. Either way, you guys probably get more out of me these days than my neighbours do.

6 comments:

Why shouldn't you join the rest of the "grumpies"? It's that time of year, after all. Just as long as we get the pleasure of your company and you don't become a total hermit and forget to do the blog...

OK! Hermit 'Ben' of Misty Mountain! Myself, being a Gnostic, without faith, and belief, I just have My Knowing. That is what a true Gnostic is!

My heart goes out to you, Ben. It is this time of year, that we are told 'you shall be happy'! In the slammer for near on thirty years, and you shall be happy at this time. What kind of contaminated philosophy is that then? They have no idea what philosophy is really for, Ben!

Never tell a philosopher that, as they get twisted over such deep thoughts. Philosophy, is your ticket to your own Eternity, not theirs, as they might not even have one, as it is a 'knowing thing', then finally a choice, which grants you admittance. So fear not Ben! You probably stand a better chance than anyone else. After all, You only did one thing. All this lot out here, get up to no good 24/7.

The God of money, rules this time of year. I bet he don't come your way too often, Ben. Funny that? I thought that all slammers were operated by outposts of the here and now government! No.11, in that famous street, houses a representative of the money God, so why doesn't he pay a visit sometime? I notice that your location, is not on any visiting list of religious leaders either! So, what they all stand for is all shit! I am not talking about the something, that is useful.

If all of them, and their crackpot ideas, you were married to. You would of filed for divorce long ago, Ben. Some might say that you are in a sulk! I would say, that nearly 30, is nearly 3x10! So that is sulk x3 = 1. Slam door! 2. Lock door! 3. Don't answer! HaHaHaHa!

There you are Ben. You are The Hermit of Misty Mountain. I would be more nice to you, Ben. I like your your thoughts any time.May you find your true place soon, Ben.

I have these periods too, Ben. They vary in intensity and length. Sometimes it's healthy and sometimes not. This Christmas period I have mostly spent alone by choice. My mobile phone has mostly been switched to silent. I have enjoyed it despite a stinking cough! I am mostly introverted and NEED time to myself regularly. However, when stressed or depressed, this withdrawing for the sake of peace, quiet and re-charging can turn into my isolating which is not good at all - in the past it has gone on for months. I know that come Jan 1, this insane 'festive' shit will be gone. I suspect the season is at least in part to blame for your lowered mood. May it pass quickly Ben. Depression sucks. Oh, and an echo from a friend of mine: 'Tis the season to be condemned to happiness.' It's nearly over!

Followers

About Me

Previously known as "one of Britain's best known prisoners...he constantly questions authority and exposes the futility of the system" The Times, I was finally released from prison after 32 years in August 2012. Pleading guilty to the murder of a friend when I was 14 years old, I renounced violence and fought for the recognition of the inherent dignity of all human beings.
As a result of speaking truth to power, I has served far longer than the recommended 10 years, leading Education Secretary Michael Gove to argue that I "has been punished excessively for a crime committed as a child".
One of the more intellectual of prisoner-campaigners, Ben chose to educate himself from a schoolboy level to having both undergraduate and post graduate degrees. He is currently one of very few prisoners in Britain ever to attempt a Doctorate. Ben's speciality is non-violent action and the Human Needs Theory.
Now on Life Licence, I am forging a career as a CJ policy consultant, writer and - as ever - campaigner.