Is Adam Sandler Too Old to Be Making Just Go With It?

Even the most ardent Happy Gilmore fan knows going in that the new Adam Sandler-Jennifer Aniston chuckle fest, Just Go With It, will have a razor-thin plot and most likely be terrible. Hey, guess what—they’re right! And we also know that, regardless, this movie is going to make a lot of money. Such is the way of our world. So, having said that—and since there are not 25 questions worth of plot to go around—let’s instead answer every question that you could possibly have about Just Go With It using an Adam Sandler quote from a previous movie as a prompt.

Q: “I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.”

A: Contrary to some of his past films, in Just Go With It, Sandler doesn’t play an idiot, at least in his professional life. Sandler plays Danny Maccabee, a plastic surgeon.

Q: “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”

A: Sandler’s Danny is ornery because, 20 years ago, he had a big nose and he finds out, on his wedding day, that his fiance is only marrying him for his money. Later that day, not married but wearing his wedding ring for some reason, he learns that girls are attracted to him because they think he’s married.

Q: “No, I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class.”

A: Danny (Sandler) meets Palmer (Brooklyn Decker) at a party and they both acknowledge that they have an immediate rapport. By the end of the evening, the two spend the night on the beach together.

A: Like the fact that Danny forgot that his wedding ring was in his pants pocket, a pocket that Palmer checks for a business card. No, Danny isn’t married, but he still uses a wedding ring to pick up women. Danny makes the decision that lying to Palmer—making up a story about being in the middle of a divorce—is better than just telling her the truth.

Q: “I am the smartest man alive!”

A: And Brooklyn Decker’s character, Palmer, is quite possibly the stupidest character to ever appear on screen in the history of movies. At least, she has to be to constantly fall for lie after lie.

Q: “Having a kid is great as long as his eyes are closed and he’s not moving or speaking.”

A: Palmer won’t date Danny until she hears the news of his impending divorce from his soon to be ex-wife herself. Danny enlists his “plain” receptionist, Katherine (Jennifer Aniston), to pose as his wife. Katherine’s two kids unwittingly become part of the ruse, too.

Q: “Where I come from, it’s called ‘doing the hibbidy-dibbidy.’”

A: Wait, what? My God, these quotes are asinine.

Q: “You need to try and study hard because if you want to be in the Scuba Squad, you have to be smart.”

A: Katherine’s two children are the smartest people in this movie. Her daughter, who inexplicably (sorry to be using this word so often) talks with a British accent, blackmails Danny into getting whatever they want in exchange for this ruse. The daughter wants acting lessons, the son wants a trip to Hawaii so he can swim with the dolphins.

Q: “The price is wrong, bitch.”

A: Instead of taking the easy route and revealing the truth, Danny pays for Palmer, Katherine, her two children, and, inexplicably (there it is again), his friend Eddie (played by Nick Swardson, who is posing as Katherine’s new love interest) to go to Hawaii for a few days.

Q: “My God, that’s a shit load of piss.”

A: Somewhat unbelievably (or even inexplicably), a movie that has no plot outside of “pretend you’re my soon to be ex-wife so I can sleep with a girl” has a running time of close to two hours.

A: The lyrics to this song from The Wedding Singer went through my head more than a few times during Just Go With It.

Q: “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.”

A: Oh, Adam Sandler is certainly doing his best to still play the same characters without any artistic growth whatsoever. Remember how good Punch Drunk Love was? Well, it didn’t make any money, so the days of Sandler attempting to act—as he did quite effectively in Reign Over Me, which also made no money—are long gone. Sandler in this role at the age of 44 really is like Billy Madison longing for the days of grade school.

Q: “You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?”

A: I’d certainly consider it if Sandler would agree to make better movies.

Q: “All right, shithead. I haven’t been in a fight since I was in the fifth grade, but I beat the shit out of that kid, so now I’m going to beat the shit out of you.”

A: Is it just me or does every Adam Sandler quote have the word “shit” in it?

Q: “You’re gonna die, clown!”

A: O.K., that one doesn’t.

Q: “Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?” “Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?”

Fun fact: Sandler is only 12 years younger today than Nicholson was in 1995 when this line was spoken in Billy Madison. Regardless, this is basically what Just Go With It comes down to: once in Hawaii, does Danny choose Meg Ryan (Brooklyn Decker) or Jack Nicholson (Jennifer Aniston)? And, yes, Sandler is getting a little too old for these types of roles.