Monday, 16 March 2015

Being yourself

This week's assembly, following the last one on labels:

Now, I know that
there has been so much written about the topic of 'being yourself', so many
self-help books, and so many people offering to help you 'find yourself'. This
is a hot topic, one that many people keep away from. But it is important and
while I am sure that the vast majority of what I say will go in one ear and out
the other, I do ask that you listen today.

Over the last few
weeks, the newspaper I read has been launching a campaign called 'Time To
Mind', to try to make the government look at youth mental health and wellbeing
much more seriously than ever before. We all recognise that growing up is hard,
but it has become so 'true', so embedded in our culture, that as adults, we
tend to take the line that it was hard for us, so you just need to get on with
it and it will soon be all over - it all gets better when you're an adult.

The trouble is, this
is wrong on two counts. First of all, just because of the amount of money spent
on 'self-help', the number of books offering to solve all our problems, clearly
shows that, in fact, being an adult isn't the answer to any problems! If you
have not got yourself sorted as a teenager, you'll not be sorted as an adult,
either.

But more
importantly, things are, actually, harder for you than they were for us.
Growing up is hard. The pressures of finding out who you are, wrestling with
self-doubt, fighting to have an opinion, to be able to make decisions, are all
the same as when we were young. But society has changed. Things are harder. As
a generation, you are more aware of the need to achieve as an adult than ever
before - the infringement of media, television, music & movie stars all
make us aware that there is so much more for us to aspire to. The high profile
nature of exams, and the need to succeed, are much more to the front of
people's minds, and then there's the 24-7 nature of the internet, selfies,
online chat, body image and bullying make a toxic mix that can swamp anyone.

The thing is,
however, you can take control - you can do something about this. You are, in
fact, in control and can make decisions about your health.

I was reading an
article over the weekend about a woman who really got a bad deal online … she
was, as a teenager, just browsing through YouTube, as you do, and saw a link to
a video titled the ugliest woman in the world. Clicking on it, as you would, it
slowly dawned on her that the video was about herself! Now, I don't know about
you, but that would simply be devastating - I do not know how she did it, but
she took control, set up a website and YouTube channel to let people know who
the ugliest woman in the world was & it now has almost a quarter of a
million followers & has given talks around the world on how to stand up for
yourself, how to define yourself, rather than being defined by others. Lizzie
Velasquez is her name - look her up.

And that is the
point. As a school, we hold Healthy School status, and this is in recognition
of the fact that we care about your health. And want you to have the facts and
skills to do something about your health. And health is not just about eating
the right things and taking exercise. Yes, these are important, but doing
something positive to make your mind healthy is actually more important than
anything. How you are feeling, what you are thinking, has such a powerful
control of your body! There are studies after studies that show clearly that
positive thinking, a healthy mind, has huge impact on everything else. At the
most extreme, a survey of the mental state of cancer patients shows that, to
put it simply, the patients with a positive self-image, a positive mental
outlook and a clear determined mind, knowing that they are in control were more
likely to survive treatment, and go on to live better lives, than those with
negative outlooks.

But what does that
mean to us? Well, it is simple, and, in fact, links to my last assembly on
labels. First of all, you need to know, to understand, to believe that no-one
can hurt you, mentally, without you actually giving them permission to do so.
Yes, physically, someone can punch, kick or assault you. If they do, our policy
is simple - whoever makes the first physical assault, whatever the grounds, is
issued with a minimum of a one-day external exclusion. There is never a reason
to physically attack another person.

But mentally? That
is where you are in control. First of all, you can choose to take yourself away
from the situation, to put a distance between you and them. Yes, with the
internet, this is harder, but almost all chat room / messenger technology
specifically allows you to block individuals.

Secondly, you can
report it and seek help. Yes, I know, you are all, almost without exception,
going to tell me that this never works, that all it does is bring on more, and
anyhow, it's grassing and you don't grass.

Well, let me tackle
all three of these areas:

It does work.
Simple. Here, we have a clear code of conduct that states that intimidation,
harassment or bullying are not tolerated. Any student who feels it is fine to
intimidate another, to call them names, to make their life horrible, is not
welcome here. There is a big 'but' here, however. You need to not retaliate. To
not let the words make you angry. Instead, report, report, report. The school
systems for you to report are simple - go online and fill out an incident
report and it will be dealt with.

Second; it will only
bring on more if you let it. As soon as you report it, someone will
investigate, will talk to people, will provide you with support. The people
picking on you will try to have a go at you, will try to stop you reporting it,
but only to save their own skin!

And this leads me to
the last; grassing. As a concept, I do understand it, I do get why it has
become accepted, but as a way to do things, it always strikes me as a really,
really stupid standpoint to take. Especially if you are a victim of harassment.
The only people who win if grassing stops people acting are the bullies, the
people making your lives miserable are being protected by your wrong impression
that it's a bad thing to tell.

If someone is
calling you fat, or stupid, or ugly; if they are spreading rumours about you,
or posting messages about you online, then we will act. Trying to put people
down in order to make yourself look better is the lowest, nastiest, worst
characteristic as person can have and there is no space for such people here.

So, take control,
don't let others control how you feel and look for the good things to focus on.
That way, you can be happy and achieve whatever you put your mind to.

To finish, then, a
couple sections from two poems. The writers of the words are separated by over
150 years, but the message is the same from both people - take control of your
life, be in charge of who you are and don't let anyone else dictate to you who
you are.

First of all, a few
lines from a poem I've read before: If, Rudyard Kipling.

If you can keep your
head when all about you

Are losing theirs
and blaming it on you,

If you can trust
yourself when all men doubt you …

If you can bear to
hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to
make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things
you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build
them up with worn out tools …

And finally, I am
sure you will quickly work out who wrote these lines:

I stay out too late

Got nothing on my
brain,

That's what people
say.

But I keep cruising

Can't stop, won't
stop moving

It's like I got this
music

In my mind

Saying "It's
going to be all right."

Because the players
are going to play,

And the haters are
going to hate

Baby, I'm just going
to shake,

I shake it off.

And if you didn't
get it, that was Taylor Swift, "Shake it Off". . . (I bet you've never heard her quoted like that before...)