I'm so sorry this has taken so long! Please yell at me if you would like =)

Well hun, I have to say, I'm completely intrigued with this story! Seems to be very original so far and I'm really enjoying it. I'm of course a fan of Rose/Scorp and so this seems really interesting.

I liked how you characterized Rose. The whole no feelings thing is a nice touch. I swear I almost died when they told the story about her rabbit. But she did show a little bit of emotion when she found out Scorpius was taken. &That was nice to see even if it was brief lol.

I'm really curious as to how these wizards broke into Gringotts! They got to be super powerful and smart to do that. Which is why I'm shocked that Scorpius got away. I know they aren't to happy about that feat.

Well my dear, you wrote this very well. It flowed nicely and of course the cliffhanger leaves the reader wanting more =)
Stop by my thread when you update. I'd love to see what's next. &I promise that I won't take this long again lol. Sorry again!

Great start!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! (This past month has been extremely crazy, so it's completely understood :))

Thank you! I'm really glad that you're finding it interesting. I'm really trying to make a lot of the 'classic' Rose and Scorpius things that is rather common in fanfiction (and is also why Rose/Scorp fans love them so much), but I'm also really trying to make them my own characters with their own personalities and quirks and things.

The next chapter, which is in the queue right now, brings a lot more development in Rose's character and everything, so hopefully you'll enjoy it!

I really liked writing the rabbit story. As I was writing, I found myself liking Rose more and more. Glad you liked it :)

Thank you so much! I'm glad it flowed nicely, which is also a tricky thing for me.

I'll definitely visit your thread again when the next chapter is up. :)

I don't really read Rose/Scorpius fics, first of all, so you probably know much better than I do what all of the clichés to avoid are. Aside from that, though, there are a few things that I found simply unbelievable. First of all, the Gringotts break-in. We know that it's possible, but just because it happened twice (once into an empty vault under presumably low security) doesn't mean that it can happen casually in the future. If anything, the goblins are probably even more strict on security now. That doesn't mean it can't happen, of course, especially with a new powerful group of dark wizards and witches, but the way that you presented it seemed unrealistic to me. If this new group is so powerful that it's breaking into Gringotts, then I would expect a lot more fear and tension in the atmosphere that I just didn't get from Rose's perspective. (And even though we've established that she's stoic, I would still expect to see it in subtler ways, and for her to be seeing it in other people.) I know that this is mainly a romance story, but approaching the subject of this extremely powerful dark group via Valentine decorations makes it seem like fluff or comedy, which is not exactly what you want in this story.

I also just do not buy that the valentine decorations were courtesy of the goblins. It seems like the sort of thing that a house elf might do, but from what was shown in the books, it would most likely go against a goblin's dignity.

The bit about Scorpius training overseas to be an Auror also seemed unlikely to me, for the same reason that, for instance, the United States military forces train in United States military academies. Other governments are set up in different ways and would emphasize different skills for their candidates. It seems very unlikely that Scorpius would be able to get the training he needed as a British Auror from any other place in the world. I understand that the plot needs him to go away for a few years, in order for him to come back completely different from how Rose remembered him, but I think that there are better ways to do this. For instance, what if he went away before training for a year spent touring the European continent? Or after training, if one of his parents died, he could take some time off and travel then. That would also allow you to approach the topic of him being a Malfoy, and how he deals with it.

Once I got past that, however, I really did enjoy this chapter. I like the combination of romance with adventure, because frankly plain romances tend to bore me, and I always support writers who want to branch out into new territory. And that ending was a great cliffhanger. I have so many questions and I will definitely be back to read the next chapter. XD

Hope you found some of this helpful. Feel free to ignore it if you don't. ;)

- Evan

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for the extremely helpful review :)

I can completely understand the unbelievability with the Gringotts break-in, especially with how I presented it. I think I'm going to go in and try to edit some of it (when I get the chance and when I figure out how).

I think I definitely made a few things unclear - like, I wanted to make the new, powerful group do something really drastic (break in at Gringotts) then disappear from the public completely, gaining 'underground' support - never really going into public. So now, this story set a few years after that, there is no outright tension but more underlying 'when will they come out to the public again' tension.

Also, I'm going to try and fix this, but I didn't really mean for Rose to come out as stoic person, just with some stoic tendencies ... (I have no idea if that made sense..) She's actually quite warm and nice but tends to suppress strong emotions. I'll have to fix that :)

I think I tried to give it a more comedic approach with the Valentine's Day decorations because I'm going to try to show the changes between the beginning - where the supporters are more underground - to when the supporters come out in public.

I also do agree with the goblins and the decorations. But, I think I was just trying to bridge the Valentine's Day decorations to the wizards taking over the security at the bank.

And the idea of Scorpius leaving to travel because of the death of a parent is pretty awesome. It would definitely give me some interesting things to explore.

I definitely have some thinking and rewriting to do. Thank you so, so much for reviewing and bringing to my attention all these things. I don't know why, but I just didn't seem to catch them, and I think with them fixed/figured out, it'll bring a lot more to this story!

Hooray! My first review for my thread! Let's really make this one count.

I'm normally not into romance stories, normally because they don't have a lot of substance outside of the pairing being lovey-dovey. But so far, I'm not seeing that in your story, which I really have to commend you for. This is something I would like you to keep in mind as you continue to write this story. A truly good story has many different, well-constructed themes and constructs. It will be much easier for you, though, I think, because you already have a strong place to start from.

You have established Rose's personality very well, just remember to keep it consistent. It will seem odd if she suddenly becomes all lovey-dovey with a really wild sense of humor. Rose's job at the bank was a nice touch. Usually in fics, the only jobs you see people having are Aurors and Healers. I know that Scorpius is already an Auror, but because Rose herself has such a unique job, I don't feel that this is going to detract from the story.

At first I wasn't sure about the notion of goblins wanting to decorate, but when the possibility that they decorate the bank to torment their human coworkers was introduced, that made a lot more sense.

Something else I wonder about is saying Albus and Dominique are her only cousin. Are they the only cousins she has who are still alive, or are they her only cousins who work at the bank with her. One little cliche I am seeing is the nickname Dom. I only say this because nicknames themselves have become something of a cliche. After all, Hermione stays Hermione for all seven books. The only character we meet who really has a nickname is Ron...and Bill and Charlie, just because their legal names didn't fit with their personalities.

I'll wait till later until I decide if this is off, but it is more of just a personal pet peeve. But if you can make it work, that will be great.

There are a very couple very minor things I could point out to you that will help you with stories in the future.

When you are writing a story, with all numbers under 1001, it is considered proper English to write them out as words rather than as numbers.

Also, 'grad school' is a Muggle word construct. The truly correct term you are looking for is 'Auror Training', a name which is mentioned in the books.

I do admit these things are nitpicky, but I assume you want me to find something that will help you to IMPROVE your writing style.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for leaving such a helpful review :)

Yes, my comfort zone is definitely in with the lovey-dovey Romance genre, but with this story, I'm trying out the things I'm not that comfortable with/used to writing - more adventure, the role of the 'dark wizard' playing a larger role in the plot. I'll definitely keep the themes/construct things in mind for the future (that'll really come in handy, thanks!)

Thank you! I'm going to try to keep Rose's personality as consistent as possible :) And yeah, I kind of liked the idea of the bank job simply because it's going to have a major effect on the plot (hint hint) in the coming chapter and also because it gives me more freedom for what she does at work. :)

Yes, I found goblins kind of hard to characterize, but I tried to throw in something that seemed like something they would do :)

Regarding Albus and Dominique, I meant that they were her only cousins that weren't in a relationship left (being that it was V-Day, all her other cousins are off with their partners :)) I should try to go in and make that more clear - thanks :)

I think you bring a really good point up when you say not many characters have nicknames, which I never really noticed. I guess reading so much Next Generation fanfiction with people calling Dominique Dom has rubbed off on me! And I can completely understand where you're coming from (I always get a bit confused when people call Hermione 'Mione in fanfiction). I'll keep that in mind when I'm writing future scenes with Dominique. :)

Also, I didn't really know that about the numbers under 1001! Thanks for that :) I'm going to change that and the Auror training -- thank you so much for pointing those things out! :)

I think your characterization of Rose was excellent and how she reacted to everything was very realistic. It's strange because this is just how I would characterize her, being rather moody and not really revealing her true feelings, or just acting like Ron. And the same for Albus and Dominique, you did wonderfully. (:

Now, as for your plot, I thought it was very original. (: I've read a lot of Scorose's where Rose just throws herself at him and drops everything else in her life. And maybe she did do this earlier, but I dunno. I'm glad to see that she doesn't just instantly realize her mistakes from her teenage years and snogs his brains out, haha.

I noticed your story also flowed quite well, and there was nothing really unnecessary or irrelevant.

Grammar and spelling wise, I noticed nothing, but it's maybe because I could find nothing to criticise on. (: Thanks for making my job easier, haha, not that I don't mind.

I'm definitely adding this to my favorites and I can't wait to read more. Feel free to re-request once the second chappie is up, but I'll probably do that anyway.

Thanks for requesting!
dream_schmean

Author's Response: Thank you so so much! I'm so glad that the characterization and flow was good! (Those were things I was definitely worrying about)

Yeah, Rose is pretty great (and challenging) to characterize. I'm trying to get her to reflect her parents while still having her own personality.

Thanks again! And I most definitely will drop by and re-request a review for the second chapter!