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Dropping the F-bomb

I mean for us adults they just roll off the tongue in a variety
of situations. I haven’t counted how many I use in a day, but it’s up there. I
tried to stop once but it turns out not swearing is bullshit that other people
do. It’s like cooking or running marathons. Great for some people, but totally not for me.

It turns out that four letter words are equally easy to for
toddlers to say.

How is it that the kids say “beek-a-poo” when playing peek a
boo, but “Fuck” is loud and clear. Monkeys are commonly referred to as “on-keys”
but “oh shit” doesn’t seem to be tripping them up.

Husband said in their defense we probably say “fuck” a lot more
than “peek-a-boo.” I'm not sure about that, but the two may be neck and neck. My two-year-old twins
are dropping f-bombs at the dinner table while I have a post-work cocktail. They
have also recently learned to growl back at the dog when playing tug, which
means at least we’re not the only ones who are being mimicked for lousy
language. I’m sure those growls have some cuss words in them. I mean they must
after living with me for the last 8 years even my dog curses, right?

Maybe I should be proud of them and their f-bombs. I mean, I
wasn’t too much older than they are now when I stomped my foot at a librarian
and told her “Shit, I forgot my puzzoo.”

Can’t form the appropriate sounds for “puzzle” but “shit” came out ringing
like crystal. And to a fucking librarian?! Pretty sure that was one of the
first of many times my actions made my parents hope the floor would open up and
swallow them. Then again, depending on her vocabulary maybe that librarian had
a total potty mouth too. She probably just didn’t exercise it in front of
patrons and their small children.

So go on kids, rock out with your “shit” and “fuck” and maybe a random "damnit" here and there thrown in for flavor. Your dad
and I will try not to laugh, and we’ll tell you not to say those things (and seriously, don't ever say them in public). Even
long after you have learned how to pronounce the “m” in “monkey” and stop
adding another “w” to “flowers” (fwo-wers), when you’re hiding your swear words
from us and cussing on the playground or via text messages (or whatever it is
by then) whenever we catch you we’ll tell you not to talk like that until you’re
an adult, and don’t take examples from your potty-mouth parents, but deep down we’ll know
that with every “damn” comes the ability to pull out a word like “confabulate”
and “largesse” and properly use them in polite conversation. Maybe each “shit” is a direct reflection of your love of books,
and that A in English was brought to us by the letter F.