Hear that, whiny libs? You don’t need big government helping you with your medical bills; you just need someone to beat the shit out of you so you can’t actually spend money other frivolities like poker. Wait, is the implication here that Snuffy got beat up during a poker game, because he cheats all the time? This is really a self-solving problem when you think about it.

Dick Tracy, 12/6/18

Ah, it seems that Polar Vortex’s sinister plot, focused on faxing and slow-walking invoice payments, has been brought down in ironic fashion, because the evil crime syndicate’s record-keeping was too meticulous. We’ve heard enough — time for the cops to show up and brutalize a lot of people with flagrant disregard for due process!

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Gasoline Alley, 11/21/18

Gosh, it’s been [checks notes] six weeks since I’ve updated you on the endless, onanistic celebration of the 100th anniversary of Gasoline Alley, which for the record is still ongoing, but let me assure that nothing of any real interest has happened in all that time, a trend that continues more or less today. A seeming eternity ago (though it was probably only a few days or something, I am not going to look it up for the sake of this joke, I do not believe that it’s worth it on any level) the action got hijacked by Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, furious that their upcoming 100th anniversary was being ignored, and today, in this possibly non-canon episode, we finally learn from Snuffy exactly what the Code of the Hills entails: immediately responding to anything that might be interpreted as even a minor slight to your honor by shooting your antagonist in the head.

Family Circus, 11/21/18

Ha ha, it’s funny because Ma Keane is so, so lonely! Normally when I do the “Ha ha, it’s funny because…” bit on this site, I’m deliberately reading against the grain of the intended joke, or at least exaggerating it, but “it’s funny because Ma Keane is so, so lonely” is 100% what the punchline is supposed to convey here. It’s real dark!

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Family Circus, 11/11/18

This is actually a properly heavy strip for Veteran’s Day! Kids, all these military toys and video games that are marketed to you nonstop make war seem like a hoot, but your dad knows the truth, after being forced to experience and do terrible things during [squints] the Guadalcanal Campaign in World War II.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/11/18

Does America go far enough in taking care of its veterans? Sure, we often fall short of our promise to provide them with high-quality health care that meets their specific needs; but at least it’s accepted that every single soldier is allowed to live out the rest of their lives as shiftless chicken thieves, to honor their service.

Beetle Bailey, 11/11/18

Say, did you ever want to know what everyone in Beetle Bailey’s ethnicity was? Well, here you go! Which of these do you think was literally just made up for today’s strip? It’s definitely that Rocky is Mexican, right?