the month of march

March is a big deal month in my household. M and I celebrate two anniversaries in March — the relationship anniversary and the wedding anniversary. 17 years and 9 years respectively. I was at work yesterday and one of my coworkers came in all excited because she got engaged the night before, and it was one of those strange moments where I felt really old and really queer and really out of the mainstream. They went around the group and told their engagement stories, and I thought I wouldn’t join in until the last minute when the coworker I’m closest to jumped into the lull at the end of the story and said ‘FG…it’s your turn!’

So I told my story, and felt even older. ‘back in the day before debit cards, M went to the bank & took out a lot of cash, then she went to the jewelry store & said she wanted to buy a diamond ring for a friend…because this was back in the day when people just weren’t that out…then we got on a plane & went to Paris and she proposed on her knee in the mud in the Jardin du Luxembourg…’ Yeah. January 5, 2000. Back when this group was still in grade school. Sometimes life feels a little surreal.

So M and I will figure out some way to celebrate appropriately this month. It makes it all the more meaningful that last year at this time we were basically not speaking to each other. Honestly though if it’s not one thing it’s another. The relationship realm feels much more stable to me right now, but I’m struggling with some really intense personal stuff that feels like it’s sometimes winning. There are times when I feel like there’s no amount of support that could even begin to keep me on my feet. Part of me wants to say that it’s the weather, the winter, the transition to working full time — but deep down I know it’s more to do with the ghosts that are haunting me than anything environmental.

In happier and more exciting news, we signed up for a farm share. It feels like a really significant investment in the future. It’s a statement of intent in a way — we plan to be here this summer and maybe always. We plan to be together sharing food. We are investing in our local community — the farm is literally right down the street, an outpost of urban farming. We are deepening our roots in this place. We are also signing up for WAY MORE VEGETABLES than we will easily be able to eat. Stay tuned for hilarious late summer posts about how to deal with the deluge.