Coming Out As A Gay Christian: 'I Choose To Not Act On My Gay Desires'

Grady Smith, a former writer for Entertainment Weekly, is sharing his experience as an openly gay Christian--mind you, an openly gay Christian that chooses to abstain from sex with men, based on the belief that it's against God's plan.

First off, what do I mean by the term gay Christian? That’s simple. I mean that I’m a Christian man who believes Jesus Christ is the savior of the world. I believe he died and rose again and offers a way to Heaven for all people. I also happen to be a guy that finds himself attracted to other guys. Please hear this: those two facts are not mutually exclusive!

Now, I choose to not act on my gay desires because I think scripture makes it pretty clear that that’s not God’s ideal plan for people. I’m not angry or jaded about that fact, nor do I look at sacrificing my own sexuality to God as a tragedy. To me, it’s simple obedience — and it is not shame-based. I know that I was fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Heck, I was created in His very image! (And so were you!) But, like every other Christian that’s ever lived, I’m simply in the ongoing process of learning how to not give in to every natural desire that I feel — whether that has to do with sex or not.

Smith acknowledges his efforts to come to terms with his sexuality and to not act on his same-sex attraction haven't been a walk in the park; he explains:

I spent well over a decade feeling tortured by my own feelings, addicted to pornography, and deeply ashamed of my nature. I used to spend hours on the family computer Googling terms like “garlic” and “Gap hoodie,” frantically hoping that I could push my “gay” searches far enough down the alphabetical auto-complete menu that my parents wouldn’t ever see them.

He also shares that he's not alone in his journey, citing various friends that have confided in him that they too are going through a similar experience. He maintains:

I’m not here to dictate how anyone else should live their lives. I’m not here to condemn anyone. I’m not here to offer a “solution.” All I can do is invite people into the beautiful awkwardness of my experience, where things aren’t nearly as black and white as popular culture might prefer. Fortunately for all of us, Jesus loves the gray areas.

What's your take, Instincters? Considering that Grady (fortunately) makes no claims of being an ex-gay or renouncing his sexual orientation, what do you think he's adding to the dialogue?

What do other gay Christians, both sexually active and not, have to say in response?

Grady, You might want to think of the Bible as a bunch of riddles as to who "God" really is. When you discover that we were dropped here by a not so nice alien race that gene spliced us into the humans we are today, then you may get a different take on who "God" really is. But that would take study of actual documents from Sumarian times, then you will find you have fallen for a seriously run of the mill extra terrestrial experiment, but that would take some digging. Nonetheless, you are obeying something you know nothing about. When you wake up a bit more, the truth of our start here on Earth will shake you to your bones most likely. They are screwed up beings with high technology and genetic mastery. Heck, we are even starting to do it on Earth. Good luck with your journey, just remember, it's yours, no one elses, not even manufactured "Gods" that are no more than screwed up beings in the sky, in which you have been programmed to put your faith in. Study and learn, you too deserve to evolve. Think Nephalim Anu Enki and Enlil, the crumbs start there.

He may have shame around his genitals. I know a guy with a small cock and he has never had sex. He is 54. This entire religious squabble he is going through could be nothing more than a little dick shame issue, and therefore uses the Bible to let him off the hook from dealing with it. Won't happen. Shame is shame and is still disruptive no matter what. If this is the case then he is doing everyone a huge disservice by not being integrous with what's really going on. People hide behind religion for a host of problems they think they can't deal with.

So basically he wants to be a YouTube star? I stumbled across this from a different magazine and basically I wonder what is his opinion about heterosexuals who are not married who are sexually active. It sounds like he felt so guilty about who he is that he has emotionally buried it deep but trying to spin it as a positive.

When it comes to sex, people have a wide variety of fetishes... some people like to be spanked, others like to have metal rods inserted through the heads of their penises (I saw that on an adult film the other day and OUCH!), some people like to be tied up to a post, rendered completely helpless and immobile while his tormentor waves a patchouli scented oversized dildo in front of their noses, so close and yet so far... many different folks with many different strokes... this young man seems to get off royally by reading the bible while denying himself climax; thinking about the thing he can have (he is cute) but will never have (that pesky Jesus says no no to dick-in-the-ass sex) really gets him off more than real coitus would. And then he brags about it on a national magazine with a gay audience... perhaps he also likes to be derided and soundly scolded in public? I myself are a very conservative, old-fashioned conventional man... put a dick in my anus and I am happy... life is simpler that way.

As a Bi Christian man, I applaud Grady for his openness and sharing his experience with all of us. His decisions is his and his alone. Who are we to judge and criticize him for obtaining from sex. For those of you who are judging him... why? don't forget, you were once and still are being judge by others for your sexuality. So again.... why are you judging him for his decision?

You are (judging/criticizing) him in the same manner that people are doing to you. Does that makes sense? No!

How odd. Yet another bisexual defending anti-gay crowd. I've read articles by bisexual men written in social conservative publications. Your comment is no surprise.

I know that to you think it's ok because you can be with women or men. When you declare yourself a born-again Christian and saved from your homosexuality you have a legitimate alternate option. Men who are gay are only attracted to other men. We're not secretly bisexual. Women aren't a viable option for us. It's too bad you don't understand that but believe you can speak for gay men. This impacts US vs you differently. Your opinion is of no help.

This young man isn't committing a "Christian" act by publicly declaring his (gay) chastity for the sake of his religion. He's committing an act of narcissism. In modern times so-called Christians believe they may act the same as their non-believer brethren yet invoke God's name and therefore be saved. That's false. They're not saved. They're committing sin by way of their narcissistic behavior. Most people are ignorant of the tenets of their own religion. Much like popculture, pop-Christianity is easy to follow. I am not ignorant so therefore won't stay quiet when I read ignorant remarks like your own.

"You are (judging/criticizing) him in the same manner that people are doing to you. Does that makes sense? No!" - He openly declared his chastity seeking criticism. He's not doing it for religion but rather for attention. I know this because I know what the Bible says. So I'm taking what the Bible says and educating you and other ignorant people. He's reaping what he's sown.

I too am a gay Christian but I chose not to act on my Christian desires. When I consider how many people have died in the name of God, I have come to the conclusion that it is not Gods will for us to be Christian.

I am gay but not a Christian. I have never felt comfortable with it and didn't have my first relationship until i was 35. It was non sexual as i never liked the idea of it. Nothing to do with religion.

Too many people are calling him out on ever speaking up. They're afraid that he's a bad influence on the up-and-coming/undecided generation of gays.

But wait a minute. He has a completely valid opinion based on strong convictions of his! There is no reason he should keep his mouth shut. If others find it hurtful or harmful they should present a opposing view, not take away his right to speak. We aren't protecting anyone by limiting what they can see and hear. Let them watch this man's video and then decide things for themselves. Don't dictate their lives.

Go you, Grady! Way to be open. Looks like it took some courage. If there's truth to your way of life then let it prove itself by good reasoning. I look forward to more videos.

No one is taking away his right to speak up. Everyone has a right to their opinion. They don't have a right to live without criticism or consequences for their opinion. Jesus even said it would be hard to live as a Christian in this world. Grady can do as he likes. Many people make resolutions, they just don't make a video of their resolution to go public about it. When you behave the same as narcissistic and vain as non-believers do you not expect that there will be consequences from God as well? I've noticed that today's so-called Christians are extremely thin-skinned. Your responses don't change that impression. I've challenged your kind before. Because I've read the Bible in it's entirety you're transparent to me. You're from this world and you behave as those of this world. You're only impressing or scaring the ignorant. My challenges to you come from a believers' point of view. We were warned early on against false prophets. In today's world and since the televangelist scandals of the 1980s you keep rearing your ugly heads. God help us.

People keep saying that God made him gay, so he shouldn't go against his desires. But that's NOT TRUE. In Romans 1:25-27, it says that people started worshiping things of the world rather than God, including homosexual desires. It says "They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator... women EXCHANGED the natural function for that which is UNNATURAL, and in the same way also the men ABANDONED the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another."

And to those people who are judging him for putting this video up, what this guy is merely pointing out, is that the subject of "gay" is such a big deal in the church, that those who are trying to stop acting upon their desires (just like him) are unable to confide in anyone who might be able to support them through their personal struggles. Everyone needs someone to be there for them and support them with their struggles, whether those struggles are overeating, anger management, or sexual desires. And he still has a lot of questions that still need answering. That's why he made this video. To get others in his position to talk to each other, exchange stories, and hopefully figure these things out.

Um, you should probably reread Romans. Paul was trying to make a point about the importance of following God and following Christ. He starts making his case by saying that those who have turned away from God (and calling-out those to whom God has revealed Himself) are left degraded to their baser, worldly, unjust natures. This is clearly offered as a contrast to the righteousness, mercy, and justice of Jesus (discussed in Romans 3.)

Presumably most of the Romans were straight, so the idea of being turned to unnatural sexual relations, women with women and men with men, was probably a pretty strong image for living into a more Christ-like life. Romans 1:25-27 is in no way an explanation of how people become gay. Rather, it's an explanation of what could happen to straight people who deny God.

Paul isn't offering this illustration in Romans as an explanation of why God permits bad things to happen, and if he is, he's saying that turning against God is turning against the natural order of God's creation. The only way Romans could be interpreted as anti-gay is if you reject a few decades of research telling us that gay people are born that way. I think we can all understand, given the culture that Paul was a part of, why he wrote it the way he did.

Christianity has always had a counter-cultural aspect. Jesus demonstrated this in the way that his own life went against many aspects of the Jewish culture he lived in. The Good News, however, is right there in Romans, see 3:23-26.

And for a homosexual man to have sex with the woman it would be unnatural so that would be exchanging the natural for the unnatural, do you get it now?!

It would be going against their nature, maybe it goes against your heterosexual nature so you don't understand this, but everyone does not have your nature, nor do we need to, thank you please drive through.

i don't agree with him but i like that he is masculine, i wish more gay men were like this men first then gay second instead of always the other way around if i was into woman i would be straight, so many gay men just dont get it

His message is terrible and harmful. How/Why? Simple - because for the legions of young people who are stronger and smarter than him, who are not brainwashed by a cult, they have him as a terrible example to live against. So many bigoted parents will say "why not just be celibate, like this guy?"

Let's be real about him - this is not some mere "live and let live" - he's emphatically saying that "all homosexuals who act on their desires are doomed sinners" - he likely also believes that the more than 6 million Jews exterminated in the Holocaust are burning in "hell" for all eternity - simply for not "accepting Christ as their personal lord and savior"

And like many Catholics, who are *not* encouraged to actually read the bible, he has no idea what he's talking about - scripturally.

Who is he? He's a man born into a bigoted family, who never grew the spine nor brain to stand up for himself. He's the problem - he doesn't address hate, or shame. He eats it, regurgitates it, and eats it again. He's gay, and doesn't want to be - and it's not just because of the church. It's because if he "acted on it" his family would treat him badly.

This is a sad sad sad, indeed truly pathetic story.

Do I "support" his choice? I don't support his utterly-dangerous "openness" about it. Wanna be celibate? Be silent, as well. By "sharing" his story he's actually not helping anyone - except to prove how insidious the Catholic faith can be in its brainwashing of grown adults.

Blah blah blah.... To each their own, but one thing.... Watch out ladies don't try to be with this man, while hurting you wouldn't be his intention it's bound to happen, he said it himself it his nature, and God made him this way. I just happen to believe He loves you just the way He made you. Good luck man!

I really am perplexed and saddened by people like him. Why would God even bother to make gay people if he didn't want them to live FULLY as gay people? Does he actually think that it will actually make God happy if he lives his entire life not ever falling in love with someone? Who would want to worship a God that could be so cruel? I'm fairly certain that God has more important things to worry about than whether or not Grady falls in love with a man, and lives a happy fulfilling life. It's not keeping God up at night, so to speak.

He jokingly talks about whether or not marriage is in his future. Clearly he is referring to marrying a woman. I'm fairly certain his God wants straight people to marry straight people. (Marriage is like Garanimals -- you match up the sexual orientations of the partners involved.) I doubt that the creator of the entire universe endorses sham marriages that don't involve sexual and physical attraction. He'd be better off living a celibate life rather than involving a woman who deserves to marry a man who is capable of being sexually attracted to her. Why destroy her life too?

Okay I'm 54 years old, so I've been around the block a few times and it's not my first day at the rodeo as Joan Crawford once said.

So I'm not going waste my time and just doctor Phil this.

First of all I take issue personally with him using the word gay, because the word gay does not simply mean someone is a homosexual or has homosexual feelings or attraction.

The word gay means that someone is liberated and out of the closet and fully accepts themselves and is happy and well-adjusted with being a homosexual, it also means that they are a activists fighting for civil liberties, this is what the word gay in flies for me this man certainly does not reflect any of this!

It would be more accurate for him to simply use the word homosexual here because all ceased talking about his sexual feelings and attraction.

That being said, first of all he's completely confused when he talks about his addiction to pornography that has absolutely nothing to do with being homosexual, heterosexual can have this addiction and do!

The proper treatment here would be for him to join a group called love sex addicts anonymous and go for treatment, a friend of mine suffered from this and overcame it after several years of treatment and now enjoys a happy and productive monogamous relationship for over 16 years now!

Now as for his religion I don't believe he did state exactly what church or religion is but it seems to be leading him on an incorrect path I would suggest that he investigate the many churches and religions that have absolutely no problem with homosexual and do not consider them as broken people that need to be changed, they accept them for what they are a creation of God created in the image of God as they are, yes God is also gay, o-my-god!

May I suggest for starters the obvious Metropolitan community Church, Unitarian, Methodist, Presbyterian, more light Presbyterians, I believe that Episcopal churches are gay friendly, Quaker, certain parts of the reformed Jewish faith, I'm sure I'm leaving out many others.

I would totally avoid the obvious evangelical snake handling speaking in tongues holy rolling rolling and everybody is going to burn in hell churches, if you belong to one of these or you choose to attend one of these is a pointless waste of time because you must be a sadomasochist, this is not going to bring you closer to God !

Once you do the above mentioned two things which will take you at least about five years then and only then you may start to be able to love yourself and then you will be able to have a real and meaningful productive relationship with another man, and if you choose to ignore my advice you will become one of the many many many homosexual, not gay, men that I recall in my youth that I would come across that for various reasons did not come out of the closet until very very late in life when it was far too late and then they were extremely desperate to find someone, and they reeked of sadness, not because they were homosexual but because they wasted their entire life yielding to religious norms and societal status quo, luckily for gay men today it's actually much much easier than back in those days because there are choices it is far easier to live an open life, you even have choices of a church to attend openly this was unheard of back in the day so there's really no excuses.

My suspicion would be that this person somehow was psychologically damaged at an early age by some religious fanatic probably a parent, possibly brought up in some religious fanatic family, this is the voice of experience speaking not of myself but men that I have known personally.

Or perhaps there is some other psychological problem at hand playing a part in this.

Once again I warn you if you don't heed my advice , then you will be throwing away your life with both hands!

Homosexual by birth - gay is elective - i choose to stand up to be counted, and by being who i am and whom i was always meant to be we open the doors for others, and we smash the glass ceilings

what this sad man is doing is really not that different from the "ex-gay" liars - by sharing his "personal choice" what he's really sharing is the message that being gay, and "acting on it" are shameful, dirty, sinful things that will damn a "soul"

what he's *really* saying is that he makes this choice because to choose otherwise would earn him the hatred and disgust of his own family.

You are disgusting! I won't wish you I'll will because that is not what you need; what you need is to educate yourself and look at why you would wish something like that on someone because it honestly says more about you than it does him.

I understand a lot of my fellow gays feel threatened or bothered by this guy's revelation. Believe me, I understand. We're all gays here and we know how some of our brothers are very narcissistic and need a lot of attention. Fundamentalist Christianity isn't the culprit here. It's the enabler and an outlet for many young gay men to get the attention they so crave. An "ex-gay" is a prized commodity in their circles. Do we even know whether or not some of these people even are gay? You can go on the internet and say whatever you want. Do you believe everything you see or read on the internet? Aren't some of these so-called ex-gays actually bisexual? Many of you may have not read the Bible. For those who have you know his declaration of martyrdom using Youtube is an act of vanity. He's not really a "Christian". Today's showy "Christians" are just part of a money-making scheme that doesn't go away. Like ponzi schemes. It's existed for ages now. The modern era gave us televangelists and with the internet everyone can participate. Shysters realized a long time ago that those who call themselves Christians are forever looking for a worldly savior. They're constantly ripe for the pickin'. The Bible itself warns believers to be wary of false prophets. It tells you not to wear your religion on your sleeve. Yet "Christians" fall for it over and over and over. The way this guy talks is part of the new style "Christians" use. "Hey, it's cool. I'm just like you.". The Bible tells Christians that they're from this world but that they shouldn't behave like they're of this world. Do you see any of that in this guy? Of course not. Authentic Christianity is quiet and non-confrontational. In order to maintain their scheme they've thrown everything out the window. They can have tatoos, they can do whatever as long as they're not gay. Don't play along with them. Laugh at them. Don't give them the attention they crave. Answer them intelligently or say nothing at all. Don't make them into the all-powerful monster that many believe them to be. They're a paper tiger. They're down to nothing but the gays. Stop keeping them alive.

You imply that Grady is likely not gay and is merely after money. What grounds do you have for this assumption? There are many people like him. Are Christopher Yuan, Julie Rodgers, or Matt Moore, rich from being publicly gay and Christian? I dont think so.

You claim that the Bible tells you not to wear your religion on your sleeve. I dont think so. Where does it say that? Not Matthew 6. Many would say that the Bible implies the opposite (Matthew 5:16).

You claim that Authentic Christianity is quiet and non-confrontational. Well apparently you missed reading Matthew 21.

My partner and I read the Bible in its entirety over a twenty-one month period. I grew up Catholic going to mass and Sunday school/CCD every week. I have nothing bad to say about my Catholic upbringing. I did feel really safe and in touch with God while going to church. I heard nothing about homosexuality. I watched the news about what was going on at the time and the curiosity led me to check out what the Bible had to say about it.

As an adult I meditated on feel-good verses. Reading the Bible and coming across those verses in context is eye-opening and not quite as touch-feely as just using individual verses to meditate on. Nonetheless, I'm glad we did it. Matthew 6 says not to wear your religion on your sleeve. Growing up Catholic we knew this. Reading it now, I know this. Matthew 5:16 is also not telling you to be showy. It's telling you to serve as an example to others in your day to day actions. That doesn't mean go on the internet and talk about yourself. It means help others, like Mother Teresa for example. Perhaps you're reading the Bible too literally and not putting it in the context of real life. After completing our reading we took away that no one can judge anyone else in this world. There is too much piled upon human beings for anyone to say they can stand up, with no log in their eye, to judge anyone else. St. Paul even looked down on those who felt the need to marry. The Bible contradicts itself. As if everyone who's writings were added to the Bible weren't on the same page at all. You use Matthew 21 to contradict my statement about Christianity as quiet and non-confrontational. Jesus' confrontation with those doing business in the temple is exactly what my issue with modern day "Christians" is all about. He was there confronting those conducting worldly business in a house of worship.

"That's a whole lot of questionable statements and assumptions, Stan. You imply that Grady is likely not gay and is merely after money. What grounds do you have for this assumption?" - I don't know this Grady. He's just someone on the internet. Because he appears on the internet and says this and that I'm suppose to accept what he has to say as fact? I've read articles on other social conservative sites written by either so-called ex-gays or gays who are living chaste lives. The readers eat it up. Like gays were the most important thing in the world. As if the Bible was written with the sole purpose of converting the gays. There was a time when it was shameful to ever admit to having had homosexual feelings. In today's for-profit Christianity, combined with a more accepting society, it's not as shocking to admit to this. The bar for judging morality has moved. And modern "Christians", both from this world and behaving the same as those of this world, have also changed. It's shameful to see those who are allowed to call themselves Christians. All that being said reading the Bible and having lived the life I've lead has allowed me to see through people. I saw good Christians growing up. I've also watched the evolution of the Religious Right and it's many offshoots. Today's "Christians" are transparent. Nothing holy or wholesome about them.

Authentic Christianity is living out, to the best of our ability and trough the power of the Holy Spirit, the example that Jesus Christ set for man kind. Jesus was neither quiet nor non-confrontational.

I don't know Grady and can't comment on the authenticity of his faith or lack thereof. But, as a people group fighting for equality and understanding I find it interesting that you offer neither to him simply because you disagree with his position. Whether you agree or disagree, is he not allowed to hold a conversation about his personal belief systems even if they "impose" on your own?

Homosexuality clearly imposes on Christian ideals but we are called to tolerance. The hypocrisy in this entire argument is rather unsettling.

Why are you on this site Chelsie? Are you a woman? If you're a woman you know the Bible says you may not be here instructing other men. Why is a "Christian" on a gay, pop cultural website? We're discussing a topic related to male sexuality. That's a very inappropriate topic for a woman to be discussing with other men. Today's "Christian" women I see painted up on TV remind more of Jezebel than of the Virgin Mary. Just because you're here claiming to speak for Christians doesn't allow you to violate Bible teachings. You're a hypocrite and a whore. God hates hypocrites the most so you are truly damned. Just having to answer you offends me.

He or she was making a fair point on calling out some readers' intolerance. And you just proved their point. Way to go!

Instead of attacking the speaker, try actually bringing something against their argument, hmm? If their argument is valid, and if it adds to the discussion, then it hardly matters whether they're a girl or guy.

If it's a woman claiming to represent the "Christian" point of view then she may not be here discussing this topic with other men. The New Testament specifically states she can't do that. Ignorance is no excuse. She doesn't get a pass because it's modern times and only gay acts are sins. If you're a Christian man defending her you're going to hell for your hypocrisy. If you're a gay man defending her then you're useless and a traitor for saying that the enemies of gays get a pass on following the Bible while using the Bible to attack us. These so-called Christians are saying that just for a gay man to have sex with a member of his own gender is a sin. They're not attacking heterosexual men in marriage with the assumption that that man is committing a sin. So no, it's not the same. No, it's not hypocritical for gay men to attack those who say the only way we can be ok with God is to be chaste. They're saying a gay man may not have a full life. Nothing you say in defense of them or this man is ok. You're a foolish person.

This link was posted on social media and since went somewhat viral. I had no idea this was even a gay men's magazine, or that I was disqualified from conversation with gay men for simply being a woman. That's news to me.

Also, Scripture dictates that a woman not be in spiritual authority over a man or teach them in the church. Neither of which I participated in. I was not trying to make any point against the homosexual community, I don't believe my comment did. I simply didn't appreciate the inaccurate representation of Christianity or intolerance exampled in the comment I responded to.

With that, I will take my opinions and conversation to a more open-minded arena

"Also, Scripture dictates that a woman not be in spiritual authority over a man or teach them in the church. Neither of which I participated in." - I'm sorry the Bible doesn't specifically state each and every circumstance where it would apply that you shouldn't be in conversation with other men. Perhaps you should apply common sense. As I already stated this topic is about male sexuality. You, as a "Christian" woman, can't determine that's an inappropriate topic for you to be discussing with other men? You're going to Hell for being stupid. Read your Bible. In both the Old and New Testament there are examples of God not rewarding the stupid. Female and male sexuality aren't alike. We're different from each other. It's presumptuous and offensive of you to think you would have anything to contribute on this. See how easy it is to arrive at that answer.

"I simply didn't appreciate the inaccurate representation of Christianity or intolerance exampled in the comment I responded to." I've read and studied the Bible back to front with my partner. I've gotten to know my fellow man and fellow gays over my lifetime. I've known good, pious people from my childhood. I read over what I wrote initially that you responded to. It was written to my fellow gay men so that they not get all upset every time some so-called "Christian" takes a shot at us. Why would you respond to that? I read the verses that some prior commentator said called on Christians to be showy. What?! Those verses don't tell us to cry out and say "Look at me, look at me. Look how good I am." That's a blatant and self-serving misinterpretation of Biblical verses. What's wrong with you? Christians are suppose to be humble and understand that God is watching us. And that good people will recognize the goodness in us. The main point of what I wrote was to tell my FELLOW GAY MEN to not become upset when so-called "Christians" stick their fingers in our eyes. And also to not become upset when other attention-hungry gay men do things to hurt their fellow gay men. Why would you have a problem with that?!

"Open-minded"? Do you mean open to you wiping your feet on us? To tell us that the only way we can live a righteous life is by not having a full life? How stupid do you think gay men are? That's not being open minded, that's being stupid. I guess since we've determined your stupidity you project that on others and become upset when we don't accept it. Go burn in Hell Jezebel.

Thanks Bea Dazzled. It would be nice if those who spoke on our behalf would address this issue this aggressively on a regular basis. It would also be nice if those gays who call themselves Christians and defend men like this would realize it's not all equal. The anti-gay crowd is basically saying we (straight Christians) can do what we like and say "we're saved" while you (gay man/woman) must live as a monk/nun or "convert". Saying that's a "fair" argument is a lie. In our heart of hearts we know it. Don't accept it or give it legitimacy. We've existed for thousands of years. Enough is enough. Call them out. List their sins intelligently. Turn the tables on them and their horribly sinful lives. I can't believe they have the gall to come to a gay website and wipe their feet on us. It's a big deal that they think they can come here and judge us. That's how arrogant they've become.

I am saddened when "gay" is reduced to "behavior." If he does not "act on his gay feelings," then he also denying himself the connection and relationship with another gay man. Christians are hung up on the sex part, but sex is another form of communication and intimacy between two consenting adults. The fact that the "sin" is always about the sex part says more about the shame of sex in general, than it does about being a gay Christian. I hope one day he can find love too. Relationship is truly a primary need and a building block of a satisfied life.

He is not reducing "gay" to "behavior," or else he'd be calling himself an ex-gay; rather, he's pointing out that having feelings and urges doesn't automatically mean he needs to act on them. He has a right to make the choice he's making, and NO ONE should (ironically) shame him for not going against his conscience in this matter. A person can know love, connections, relationships, and a satisfied life without engaging in sexual acts that they believe are wrong or dangerous. There is self-satisfaction and peace of mind to be found in areas other than romance.

I think these queens on here hating on him are just jealous that 1) he's hot! and 2) he hasn't sacrificed his soul for popularity. So you found a few people you have searched your whole life that doesn't judge you anymore and actually puts up with your nonsense and unintelligent perspectives. So you hang out with people that are exactly like you feeding off the same BS that spews from your mouth. And? You need to find yourselves guys, he could have made a video claiming that he was whatever and there will always be someone out there hating. If you want to be typical, be typical and own it. Be a typical gay and just look how hot he is. Stop pretending you are, (LOL, I'm laughing so hard at ya'lls arrogance) smarter than the average dumbass. You're not, you are just a gay guy that has a job and a family you don't talk to b/c of your dumb downed ideology and your only purpose in life is to fight for equality when, as you can see, you refuse to provide anyone the same right to feel included and embraced. Oh the irony in all of this is just delicious!

Translation of all of JW's posts: RAAAAAAAAWR I'M PISSED & HERE ARE ALL THE REASONS WHY!!! BECAUSE I OBVIOUSLY HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS AND HAVE INSIGHT INTO ALL THE PEOPLE COMMENTING HERE, GIVING ME THE RIGHT TO CONDEMN THEM! I KNOW ALL AND SEE ALL AND AM BEYOND REPROACH!

BTW...Lux?? Lux is it? (or is that a typo?) The IRONY in all of this is just delicious, did I mention that already, sorry!! If it were food, we could feed the world. Nice try to defend your right to attack him, you can (and did) but you don't have to be so small to do it. I would rather you say you hate him than to hide behind your witless points of view. So you hate him, ok, I can deal with that. You can hate him. Great! You hate him. What was your point again? I'm so lost. Here's the only point I have been able to decipher in all of this:

Lux hates this kid that is a christian. Was there anything else you would like to add to this conversation? How about depth? No?

Another smarty full of wit and purpose! Nice use of all caps! Really don't know why you're yelling. Now pull the classic switch a roo and focus on me...I love it! Bring it cookie! So I'm condemning people now? Really? LOL You're cute. How was work?

Whatever he chooses in his private life is private. Since he himself has chosen to make this public, and has, therefore, opened his views to public response, he himself had made his views no longer "private." Since he, in effect, advocating for a specific public reaction, I will disappoint him and offer this:

Choosing to remain invincibly ignorant due to an ostensibly "moral" reason is just as stupid as choosing to remain so for an "immoral" one. His choice is not automatically respectable, right, noble, or spiritual just because he claims it's what he thinks will please God...

If he thinks so, isn't that enough to respect? Why do some people feel so obligated to offer up an opposing opinion when given a chance. Take the high road, feel good for him that he is happy. Let it go. If you want to make a video explaining your life, do so but when you do, I hope those commenting are as kind as you are being. How smart do you really think you are? LOL, I mean really! What a waste. You must be an absolute joy to be around, LOL. You know that comment that we hate hearing? That one that straight people say and we freak out about, the one that someone says "Stop being a ###!" "You're such a ###". Well, you're the reason. So predictable and so common. You bore me. You don't have a unique bone in your body and it is a shame that you decide to attack one of your own. Tsk Tsk!

"Why do some people feel so obligated to offer up an opposing opinion when given a chance?"

Well, it looks like you've commented on this post about eight or ten times. Perhaps you're feeling as if your voice isn't being heard?

1) since I bore you, then how do you have extra time to reply to my comment?

2) You have a funny definition about what might constitute an "attack." I actually explained my position (commenting on his public statement, rather than his private life) in the preface to my comment--perhaps you missed that...

3) If he truly believes his faith--including the part that God made him just as he is--then he shouldn't feel the need to live under the lie that the very core of his being is distasteful or sinful to his Creator.

4) I didn't understand the point you were making about being an ass. Since you're so eager to engage in respectful dialog, I would to ask you to clarify on that specific point--about being an ass...

At the end of the day, he has beliefs, he has faith. He is a man lead by moral convictions and follows God. It doesn't matter if you are an atheist and believe in salad dressing, fine, do it. You want to make fun of a "book" (The Bible), make fun of it. Youre only embarrassing yourself and it shows you have no class or respect for anything/anyone other than what you believe. We are better than that, we are smarter than that. Sharing that you have wisdom for believing something not to be true and behaving in a manner that is anything but wise shows you actually don't know anything. Good for this young man who is happy, who is driven by something greater than drugs, sex, and status. Good for him. It's people like this young and brave man that I want around me. Someone with some morals and courage to be strong against everything our community is against. HE makes me happy to hear he is gay. Not the majority.

Live and let live. He has put his faith in stories from a weird old book. As long as he's not telling us that we should do the same, why should we really care? Personally, I prefer reading recent fiction.

sad that this cult has captured yet another one of our gay brothers. sad that he thinks that not acting on homosexuality would be seen as any different in the eyes of the god he believes in (proverbs 23:7) " For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:" This is great proof of what we see every day with HeartStrong. The idolatry of acceptance.

What's sad is your post. I guess since he is not like you, you can't accept him or his beliefs. This is exactly the same thing you are knocking the Bible and the Right Wing for doing. Hey look, I don't agree with the translations of many (even my mother) people about verses in the Bible. I have to have faith that my God, the loving and life giving God I believe him to be is not the god some people says he is. When it comes down to it for you, you want full acceptance for yourself and beliefs but at the same time you want to "pick" at those who don't share your cookie cutter homosexual mold. I'm sorry for you, I will and have always apologized for those in our community like you that behave in this manner. Don't throw that stone too far, someone else may pick it up!

Also as a gay Christian, it's very refreshing to find this reported on. There are and always have been gay Christians and gay Republicans. Like he explains, you don't have to give up your identity to be gay. I don't have to be a Democrat b/c I'm gay, I don't have to be an atheist if I'm gay. I have always known this but this is not the status quo. The gay community is supposed to be an accepting and tolerable community and I find it's not, well to my face it is, to my back it's very judgmental and persecuting. Gay is not packaged in a preformed box, painted a certain color with terms and conditions placed inside.

Grady, what's very sad to me is that you're wasting your chances of finding a loving relationship with another male. As an older gay man, I can assure that youth and looks are transitory. Due to your misreading of the Old Testament, you're sacrificing your chances of being truly happy. You need to be less "fundamentalist" as you look deeper into the meaning behind biblical text.

It's no accident that the anti-gay verses are found in Leviticus among dietery prohibitions. The Children of Israel were a small group, constantly at war with their neighbors. If a man lived to 30, he was doing very well. In such an environment, everything that detracted from having children or living a longer life was a no-no. The people were threatened on a daily basis with extinction.

A man lying with another man cannot produce a child. (There are no such restrictions regarding women together, of course. Women were regarded as chattel. As long as a woman did her married duty, gritted her teeth, and had children, she could be the biggest dyke on her street. It didn't matter.)

Also, men who participated in bestiality were wasting their seed. Onan was struck dead by the Old Testament deity for "spilling his seed" or withdrawing from his wife as a form of primitive birth control. The dietary laws all dealt with stopping the people from becoming ill and dying. Pigs carried trichinosis. Shellfish, found in the harbors where human waste was dumped, were polluted.

But guess what! Here's the good news! Thousands of years later, the human race has become overpopulated. You don't have to worry about wasting your seed any more. Maybe it's God's plan that you DON'T have children when there are already too many in this world. Maybe THAT's why you're gay. But there is no heavenly reason for you to live your life as a gay eunuch. You're deserving of love -- both giving it and receiving it.

i like Grady am also gay and a believer .. I must point out though that you are wrong in your assement of this all being in the old testament . Romans Chapter one lays it all out for us , and as we know Romans is a New Testament book ... and also i must point out your mistake regarding gay woman and the bible saying nothing about this issue , whereas it certainly does , right here in Romans chapter one , verse 26 ,,,For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: and when read in context we see exactly that God is talking about homosexuality issues ...

Romans One ...verses ...

21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,

23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.

24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

I would also point out that not only does God judge those who partake in these things , but as you see in this last verse , verse 32 , that He also judges a people who have pleasure in those that do those things , or another way to say it may be a people who accept those who do those things and in modern times today , such as the way society is now turning the tide and more and more America is becoming accepting of the lifestyle of gays and gay marriage , we could be in for another act from God such as He did with Sodom and Gomorra . Two cities that were primarily know for their homosexual behaviors and all sexual sins in general , and those who were willing to accept it as the norm , such as Abraham's nephew Lot and his family , who lived in the cities and made their home there . ... we know that Sodom was a homosexual city where we derive our word Sodomy from which is the word for anal intercource , and the STD Gonorrhea is derived from the word Gomorra ..The cities were filled with all manner of sexual sins , which is why God rained down fire and brimstone upon them both saving only Lot and his two daughters who were the only ones out of thousands who were not considered touched by the sins of these people , and yet afterwards we know that Lots daughters were very much influenced in some way by having lived among them that they went on to comfit the act of incest with their father , getting him drunk and sleeping with him .. Is it because we have lived so long with the theme that gay is ok , that we all have been influenced to the point where we do not care what God thinks , and as a result we may be seeing the hand of judgment in America at this very moment , because of all the gay marriage issues going on in our country ? These are the issues that men like Grady and i suffer from ,,, we appreciate your concern for us , but as true believers in our faith , it is like oil and water trying to occupy the same space at times , and can be extremely frustrating , because we cannot justify something that we know God is not in favor of , as Grady says in the video . And many Christians can live perfectly happy lives living celibate . When one has a real relationship with God , he fills all our needs and desires and can keep all his promises of being all that one needs , It is mans desires for sex that get the entire world in so much frustration and pain , You cannot argue that over 50 % of all marriages end in divorcee and heartbreak , so the straight population is not finding much love and companionship anymore that the gay world is ... they have just as many issues in relationships that the gay community does , and sometimes more ... How many gay friend do you have that go through relationship after relationship ??? you cannot tell me they are finding this happiness you speak of ... yet look at Grady , you also cannot tell me that this is not a man who is truly on top of the world living as he does , and worshiping his God ,,, look at all his videos , this is man who has found true joy and happiness in life , he certainly is not depressed ....Only God is capable of providing someone with that kind of happiness , not another human being ... we all gave a hole in our soul, that no person , relationship , or money or anything can fill but God Himself which he does when one becomes a Christian and the Holy Spirit takes up residence in your empty soul ...

whoooo hang on none of those refer to homosexuality you really don't know tour bible what annoys me here is a none beliver like me knows more about the message and power of god as well as what the bible says on the matter more than you hypocrites.

First of all, I was referring to only the Old Testament, and all I've written is accurate. Your corrupt version, by the way, regarding Sodom and Gomorrah residents as being infamous for their homosexuality is revisionist crap from fundamentalists. The major sin of S&G was a grave sin in ancient times, that of inhospitality. Lot had to protect the strangers under his roof at all costs, even if it meant sacrificing his virgin daughters to the mob. (And if we assume that the mob would have accepted Lot's virgin daughters in place of the strangers, we can deduce that homosexuality was not their major problem.) Check it out a little more, preferably from Jewish sources and not bigoted fundamentalist Christian sources, since it's the Jewish bible, after all.

Secondly, Jesus had nothing whatsoever to say on the subject of homosexuality. Your "Roman" quotes are attributed to Paul. Jesus was long dead when Paul came on the scene, and if you prefer to worship Paul and completely ignore Jesus's beliefs, and what he said, and how he lived, go right ahead but don't inflict such nonsense on Grady.

I'm a Gay Christian too... and God isn't telling anyone to abstain from love. We are called to the same rigorous standards as our straight brethren. The bible doesn't condemn Gay love, it does condemn straight men committing homosexual acts. It DOES condemn acting against your true nature ( please don't marry a straight woman, that's just wrong and creates nothing but heart ache) And if you don't believe me, read your bible IN CONTEXT (and that takes a lot of study and work) and leave yourself open for love.

Grady I admire your candor. I hope you find the love of your life and know that God will bless your union when you are ready. But if you choose to live a celibate life. That's your choice and we support you.

I am not mad nor irritated. As a gay christian myself, I refuse to believe God would give me a most powerful and wonderful gift; the gift of love; and then tell me that I am not able to use it. I am not talking about sex. It is like God giving two children a piece of candy and tells one child, "Go ahead and enjoy." Then turns around to the other child and say, "No, you can't eat that candy. However you can watch your brother enjoy his." I refuse to believe that a God who is love would take my love hostage and allow my other siblings free reign to abuse theirs. I actually feel sympathy for him. But he seems happy so good luck Mr. Smith in your future endeavors.

We finally have someone who is a believing Christian, does not consider himself disordered, who does not judge others who live differently, and the guy gets trashed. Talk about hypocrites! Judging a person for not having sex puts you in the same category as those who judge those who engage in sex with a same sex partner. If I want people to be tolerant of me, I know I need to be tolerant of them too.

Like with hunger, you shouldn't give in to every desire (unless you choose to be obese) but denying your basic needs will starve you to death. He says he is made in god's image but then chooses to deny that image of himself? Isn't that denying god? If he acknowledges god made him gay then acting against those desires is acting against god. This is one reason why religion is bullshit, it is a mass of contradictions. Prayer itself is blasphemy. God has a plan but you pray he alters that plan for your benefit? How does that not tell god he is wrong?

Or he'll fade into obscurity. We'll all forget him. His pretty face caught our attention for now. If he's authentic he'll get older, just like all of us do, and will regret the time he spent not enjoying sex due to self-created drama/20s angst. Oh how cruel is time.

Screw all the people shaming him for his decision, and eagerly pushing him right or left in their minds, thinking that he's hiding behind shame and guilt given by the Bible. What if- and this is just a thought- what if, it actually brings him joy to make the decision to abstain from gay sex *gasp*? Joy and pleasure are not the same thing. One is derived from an eternal standpoint while the other is fleeting. He chooses to give up the temporary to chase the eternal. He chooses what he believes is glorifying to God, and living out what he believes his purpose is. In the video, it's purely about his view, I don't see him talking about anyone else.

People who choose not to abstain, sure, fine. That's your decision. But do not place other people under your standard. You have made your choice. And you can also decide to relate to the video, or not. That is also your choice. Don't go putting words in other people's mouths though. Like he can't have a thought or make a thought for himself? That's just degrading to humanity.

What a dickwad. Does he also abstain from "other" sins in the book. Does he not jerk off? Does he not eat pork or shell fish (same book as "man shall not lay with another man" bullshit) does he not mix fabrics, does he not because jealous of another. You either follow EVERYTHING thats in the bible or nothing. YOU CANT FUCKING PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT TO FOLLOW. Bible says you are allowed to kill your kids if they disrespect you, or stone your wife in a public square if she is unfaithful, or sell your daughter into slavery, or have dozens of wifes and hundreds of concubines. WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE.

Precisely! Sloppy hermeneutics allow Bible-believing Christians to believe: homosexuality is completely wrong and sinful (fundamentalists); homosexuality exists and should be allowed as an alternative "lifestyle" (open); homosexuals are created by God and are equal to their heterosexual brethren (open and affirming)....ALL THREE using the same Bible as foundation for their belief. Such sloppiness in interpretation invalidates the Bible as the ONLY Source of Truth for me! Other sacred writings of the world do not condemn homosexuality AT ALL. If one chooses to accept as their standard such a level as this gentleman: he/she has chosen a very difficult and frustrating path--but we ALL have the liberty to do that. I fear for the gay Christian man who has tasted the joy and marvelous passion of loving on a man as God created me to do---and NOW is made too feel, he is not being as good of a Christian if he enjoys that which God blessed him with: the love of men. Live and Let Live! Let all people celebrate their lives, especially their sexually as fully as God as it to them. I worry that this young man's commitment to walk on the higher road by "not giving in to his gay tendencies" will misguide many young homosexuals into believing that is the more noble way to live: BULLSHIT! God made me thus, I will live as He created me---don't try to tell me that He would place a fire within me and then deny me the liberty to enjoy its warmth rather than use it as a torch of torture for the duration of my life! Such a god, is not worthy of my devotion and service!

"Christian" what does that mean? Born into America? Goes to church on Christmas? Is a good person? If that is your definition then linking together "Gay Christian" .....ok.

The Bible defines a "Christian" as a person whose Savior and Lord is Jesus. They have made the decision to live by Jesus words (the Bible) and to pattern their living after it ...on how to think, the motives of the heart, how to treat others, what to think of yourself, how to live lives of love and godliness...life from A-Z. To this there is no such term as "Gay Christian".

If a person isn't a follower of Jesus the Bible isn't a book for them to live by (they call themselves a Christian by the first definition). But knowing Jesus as Savior and Lord in itself defines the level of commitment to Him and His way to living life. So premarital sex and homosexual sex isn't obedience to Jesus and how the Bible tells us to live.

So, let's at least acknowledge what God says about it for those who follow Him.

See, there is a HUGE mistake in what you wrote. Bible was fist written 300 years AFTER the death of jesus. It was NOT written by god, it was written by men of that area. It was written by order of Constantine. If we are to follow every word from that book our world would be chaotic. You either follow everything in that book or nothing. You can't simply pick and choose what you want to follow. How often are you selling your kids into slavery? Case point. Please don't talk until you educate yourself. Thank you.

Sorry, darling, there's also a HUGE mistake in what you wrote. Constantine didn't order the "writing" of the Bible. The Bible is composed of many genres of writing, written over a very long period of time. It was already written. Constantine (and even that is open to discussion...) ordered that the existing writings be compiled into one book... a collection of writings recognized by the Church as "inspired". So, the Bible wasn't WRITTEN till 300 years after Jesus. It was COMPILED. The Gospels, for example (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) were written anywhere from 30 to 70 (or more) years from the time of Jesus. That's a lot earlier than 300 years, and the Old Testament books were written MUCH earlier. I could say "Please don't talk until you educate yourself", but I'm nicer than that. And to the OP... of course there is such a thing as a "gay Christian". I is one. ;-)

For 40 years I lived as a heterosexual, getting married and raising three children. It was not until i was 40 and entered therapy for depression that I, after many, many sessions, figured out that I was a lesbian. We went into family therapy and I finally left a marriage. I am now in my ninth year of being legally married to my same-sex partner, while we are both involved with our children and grandchildren. It wasn't until I had my first experiences as a lesbian that I fully understood that sex wasn't just something I "had" to do or tolerate, but something joyous, God-given, life-sustaining, opening me up in so many ways that I had never experienced before. I am, by the way, a retired minister married to another minister in good standing, so I don't ascribe to the "forced choice" given in the article. I would hope that the young man would take time to connect with others, both LGBT and heterosexual, who identify as Christians and who ascribe to following the teachings and example of Jesus.

I don't mean to be superficial, but although I agree with much of the substantive comments about how irrational and homophobic he's being, I keep having the "what a waste" thought. The man is painfully beautiful. Downright stunningly handsome. What a waste. I suspect that his beauty will attract a lot of opportunities for sexual intimacy from equally beautiful, physically attractive men, and then nature will have its way. At least I hope it will. He shouldn't sustain this self-imposed conduct v. status distinction for very long.

I am a gay Christian who is in a committed relationship with another man. Yes, a sexual one. Personally, I don't agree with his views. However benign or gentle his message may seem, however delicately and directly he asserts that he is still a gay man, he still holds to the viewpoint that being gay is a sin, I.E. WRONG.

To me, as far as the gay community goes, this is an enemy sympathizer. He may "technically" be counted as being one of us but he adheres to the tenets of the enemy, which is that being gay is something that should be repressed, shoved down, and ignored. What he's saying is that basically no matter how loving or wonderful a same-sex relationship is, it is still noxious and wrong in the eyes of God.

Is this not the very sentiment that we've been fighting all these years? That being gay is a sin, wrong, immoral, and ultimately against everything that's natural? I see no difference now, not even when it's being pandered by one who professes to be a member of our demographic.

I’m not angry or jaded about that fact, nor do I look at sacrificing my own sexuality to God as a tragedy.

Also, I disagree, quite heatedly, with this sentiment. I would be EXTREMELY angry and bitter about a deity that creates me, "blesses" me with a "deviant" sexual orientation, and then orders me NOT to act on the natural desires that he has given me. I do see that as missing out and I do see that as a tragedy.

In conclusion, I see the very premise of his point as being honeyed poison. Even if he is "one of our own," even if he offers his statements as blandly and politely as possible, the bottom line is that he believes that being gay is a SIN, one naturally given yet one that needs to be repressed and denied. In my eyes, he is a double agent pandering the enemy's propaganda.

Really, "openly gay". How is he openly gay? Just asking the question, does he have gay friends, does participate in non-sexual gay activities, go to gay events, gay bars? Good luck with that. How long can one go without acting on their natural desires? I respect his decision but totally disagree with his belief. I always like to ask these people, "of the nearly one-hundred versions of the bible out there, which one did you choose to follow and why? Do you also consider the books that were discarded by the Vatican? Why do most christians rely on the Vatican to dictate to them which books go into their bible? How many people know that the word "homosexual" only dates back around two hundred years and was never in the original bible and does not appear in most versions of the bible. And news flash, the bible wasn't written in english! For different versions of the bible go to: https://new.biblegateway.com

Love is one strongest gift the creator has given us. To hide behind something and not be able show love and receive love is disheartening. In the bible god asked Joseph if Mary carry his son. Back then and even now that would be unheard of. Arranged marriages was also the thing back then. I feel for you. If you didn't have a book to tell you what to do then how would you act. Would you still be the nice person you are without it? Mind most of the bible is made of other men's accounts with Jesus and not his actual words. This is how like gossip get started. In the end you might only know is 10% of the truth. It's like Christian holidays are base by pagan one's. If you don't question your faith then how do you know it real? You could be just a sheep be lead to slaughter.

The gentleman is "A Sexual" not "Gay" unless he acts on his homosexual desires. If he "pleasures himself" that is a whole different story. WE may not agree, but then again, we do not need agreement for OUR lives, so HE does not need OUR approval of HIS choices. WHY rag on him? HIS choice to live life the way HE wants. Let's wish him the best. Maybe he will find another guy with his same feelings and they can live happily ever after. WHY are we so mean and HATEFUL to one another. Let the guy live his own live the way HE want to live his live. WE do not want anyone telling US how to live OUR LIVES, so why do WE feel that we have the right to tell him how to live his life? A bit hypocritical I think. MYOB

He's not a sexual, he already established that, otherwise he would not be addicted to porn and he would not have homosexual desires. Furthermore if you never ever have sex with another man in his life or even if he has never had sex with another man he still is a homosexual because that is his sexual orientation obviously from what he says. It's not being mean and hateful to tell someone the truth that they're throwing their lives away, by not having sexual relations that are cutting themselves off from the possibility of also having a happy loving committed relationship, there's nothing mean or hateful about trying to warn someone of a horrible life mistake, thank God I don't know this mistake from my own personal life but from many men that I had experienced in my life especially when I was young back in the late 70s, of course they were married and tried to pretend to be straight and not for religious reasons but because society forced them to and they finally could no longer deny their natural orientation and came out of the closet, for most of them they found that it was too late to find a life partner and they were very sad and desperate, and they felt that they had thrown their life away on a façade, that's what I'm warning! Be unkind and hateful thing to do would be to agree with him and encourage him to go down this path of self-destruction and failure, don't get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with being Christian, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay-as I advised him before there's many churches that accept gay people go join one being a gay Christian start dating that doesn't mean you have to be a whore, it means you can find other gay Christian men and maybe you can find Mr. right in that community, and then again you may be surprised maybe Mr. Wright is an atheist, or a Jew or something else, you see you run into all kinds of trouble when you start putting restrictions on your life like well I'm a Christian so I can't be gay, therefore don't go down the path that I'm a Christian so I have to marry another Christian go out there and find the person that best matches you no matter who they are or what they are, I think we've already established from what he's said it's a man, so just take it from there!

If he wants to spend the rest of his life denying who he is then he is a "man" that we should feel sorry for. Poor silly religious types. Anyone that reads one book and decides to run the rest of their lives by it is foolish in the extreme.

Dear Mr Grady Smith:
The bible was written by man to control with fear and guilt. Life is complicated enough. Why complicate it more by limiting your life experiences. In the long run you're just hurting yourself with angst, pain and ultimately regrets.