Movie Review: ‘Mummy’ is best left under wraps

Thursday

Jun 8, 2017 at 12:18 PMJun 8, 2017 at 12:18 PM

Dana Barbuto More Content Now

Like all the grave-robbing adventurers before it, sequel- and remake-crazy Hollywood just couldn’t leave “The Mummy” alone. Nothing good happens when you awaken a 5,000-year-old Egyptian corpse. Just take a look at the four movies that already tried to make “The Mummy” happen. This reboot, which Universal Studios is using to launch its cinematic monster franchise, is as stupid as it gets. It’s long on mindless (so-called) entertainment and big on spectacle. You know, just like every other big-budget CGI flick cluttering the summer movie slate. What’s missing in “The Mummy” is the old-school derring-do of 1999’s first revival of “The Mummy,” starring Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz. It remains the most watchable of the bunch, unless you count the original 1932 version starring Boris Karloff.

This reboot stars Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallis (“Peaky Blinders”), Jake Johnson (“Jurassic World”) and Oscar-winner Russell Crowe. What it lacks in adventure it makes up for in a convoluted plot featuring computer-generated zombies and action that piles on quips and gags that are supposed to render the dialogue cool and hip. It doesn’t. And worst of all? It’s not scary.

The movie opens with the discovery of an ancient Egyptian tomb in London. Next the script flashes back to 1127 A.D. to introduce the daughter of a beloved pharaoh, Princess Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella, the badass blade-runner from “Kingsman: The Secret Service). Long story short: She’s as ruthless as she is beautiful and feels betrayed and strikes an ill-fated deal with the God of Death and ends up mummified — alive. Fast-forward to present-day Iraq, where Cruise’s Nick Morton and Johnson’s Chris Vail are Army long-range reconnaissance men looking to “liberate” precious antiquities. Along with archeologist Dr. Jenny Halsey (Wallis, playing the part of The Girl), they accidentally unearth an Egyptian sarcophagus, buried deep beneath the desert sands in what used to be called Mesopotamia. Wonder who that could be?

The old girl gets loaded onto a plane that crash lands in a spectacular zero-gravity scene (the movie’s best part) coincidentally close to the recent London discovery. All hell breaks loose when Ahmanet resurrects and declares Nick her “chosen” and starts to play Jedi mind tricks with his brain. Much talk ensues about ancient curses, angering the gods and a weapon called the Dagger of the Set. Yes, this is one busy movie.

Director Alex Kurtzman (“People Like Us”) and a trio of writers (David Koepp and Christopher McQuarrie and Dylan Kussman) pad the picture with action, explosions, and choreographed fights to overcome the shaky narrative. The solid cast, which also includes Courtney B. Vance and Marwan Kenzari, executes the action and exposition adeptly. Especially Cruise, who is no stranger to performing his own stunts, but his role requires a bit of swashbuckling and he’s more drippy than dashing, spending a lot of time out racing bad guys and having close calls with danger. I don’t even know what Crowe is trying to do as the nefarious neuroscientist named Dr. Henry Jekyll. Remember, this movie is the first to set up Universal’s new Dark Universe (“Frankenstein,” “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” “Dracula,” etc.). So, look closely in Jekyll’s lab for clues, if that’s your bag.

Naturally, the mummy is the movie’s main event — and she’s magnificently creepy, with four golden-brown irises. Her powder-white skin is decorated with black ink markings. When she’s first awakened, she looks a lot like a sinewy metal skeleton. She adds flesh to her frame by sucking face with humans. As she becomes more human, her strength and power are unfathomable. From this point on, all the action centers on stopping her from unleashing terror across England, an ill-timed coincidence given current events. If this new take sounds familiar then it’s because the gist of the plot is ripped right from the playbook of the 1999 movie, right down to the narrator in the opening scenes who informs the princess’s ludicrous historical tale and “pact that unleashes darkness.” Something tells me this “Mummy” should have stayed under wraps.

— Dana Barbuto may be reached at dbarbuto@ledger.com or follow her on Twitter @dbarbuto_Ledger.