Twitter

Give me fabulous or give me death.

Cannes Film Festival 2018: Day 1

Welcome to opening day of Cannes! (What? It was only like a week and a half ago. I’m not that far behind). For the uninitiated, the week-long Cannes Film Festival offers some of the best fashion of the year, every year. I’m not sure what makes stars bring it so hard to this particular festival – the French Riviera sunshine? The constant presence of March Fabness 2018 Champion Fan Bingbing? The knowledge that someone important could walk out of your new movie ten minutes into its premiere and ruin your entire life? Whatever magic is in the air, I’m grateful for it.

Kristen’s suit is gorgeous; Ava has never looked better; Cate is on point, as ever; Léa is killing it; Khadja is a queen. Daytime Cannes, my friends. THIS is how it’s done.

FAN BINGBING at the opening ceremony gown by Ali Karoui, necklace by De Beers, purse by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Gisela Schober/Getty

This is the spirit of Cannes, right here. International style icons, dripping in diamonds and couture. That’s what this week is all about, and why I love it so goddamn much.

FAN BINGBING at the gala dinner gown by Ralph & Russo, jewelry by De Beers, purse by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Not as overwhelmingly gorgeous as the previous entry, but for two looks in one day, these are two pretty damn excellent looks.

KHADJA NIN at the opening ceremony

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Love the mixed prints, and how the headwrap matches the secondary print in the dress. Also, the jewelry is to die for.

CATE BLANCHETT at the opening ceremony gown by Armani Privé, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Kudos to Cate for recycling a gown she wore to the 2014 Golden Globes. It’s one of my favorite things she’s ever worn – and that’s a damn long list.

JULIANNE MOORE at the opening ceremony gown by Givenchy, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Mike Marsland

Ms. Moore is a Cannes regular, bringing us something bold, architectural, and usually feathered, year after blessed year. Keep it up, gorgeous.

LÉA SEYDOUX at the opening ceremony gown by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

This is stunning, particularly for Louis Vuitton. I tend to grow exhausted with the actresses sworn to LV contracts, because the label REALLY does not do right by them. They all end up wearing the same incredibly awkward, overdesigned nonsense. This is a refreshing break from that.

LÉA SEYDOUX at the gala dinner dress by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

I’m not sold on the shoes, but the dress is lovely on her.

LI YUCHUN at the opening ceremonygown by Gucci

Photo: Andreas Rentz/Getty

Oh, SHIT yes, Li. Gimme that giant Gucci collar.

AVA DUVERNAY at the opening ceremony gown by Prada

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Sorry to be redundant, but everybody looks so goddamn great, I’m having trouble coming up with fresh ways of saying “yes, thank you, this is v good, keep it coming.”

ARAYA A. HARGATE at the opening ceremony gown by Zuhair Murad

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

I’d have opted for an all-silver shoe, and I don’t totally understand how this cape attaches to her gown, but she’s selling it HARD.

KRISTEN STEWART at the opening ceremony gown by Chanel, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

I appreciate the smile and the weird-in-a-good-way hair, but Kristen, there is such a thing as too many pleats.

CHIARA MASTROIANNI at the opening ceremonydress by Saint Laurent

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

I really wanted to like this, but I think you need to be about seven levels higher on the style spectrum in order to make those oversized boxy shoulders work. Chiara is beautiful, but she just can’t pull this off.

PENELOPE CRUZ at the gala dinner gown and purse by Chanel

This silhouette just isn’t doing it for me. A puffed-out babydoll dress, with a full-length skirt underneath? Even the length of the sleeve doesn’t make sense to me.

PENELOPE CRUZ at the opening ceremony gown by Chanel

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

I don’t know, y’all. This dress is like if a Muppet fucked a 1970s couch. The fact that she looks good in it is proof of the miraculous nature of Cannes. (And the miraculous nature of Penelope’s genes.)

CHLOË SEVIGNY at the opening ceremony dress by Chanel

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

The proportions are strange and the pleats look sad, but hey, it has pockets.

TALLIA STORM at the opening ceremony gown by Marco y Maria

Photo: InStyle

The way those flowers creep onto her tits is making me very uncomfortable. That poorly-placed petal looks like a bleeding nipple, and I don’t think anyone except Lady Gaga can really pull off that aesthetic. Except that one Unsullied on Game of Thrones.

GEORGIA MAY JAGGER at the opening ceremony gown by Twinset, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

This is CANNES, honey. Show some respect, and wear something I can actually remember.