There is probably no man alive today who never dreams of leaping on a stallion and engaging in a bit of medieval adventuring, writes David Williamson.

There is probably no man alive today who never dreams of leaping on a stallion and engaging in a bit of medieval adventuring, writes David Williamson. Here are some shiny things which will bring such visions into the brilliant light of day

1Castle BannerOne of the reasons modern Welshmen are so drained of vigour is that their home decorations are as exciting as three-day-old lettuce.

Fortunately, there are only so many pictures of dolphins and Tuscan landscapes money can buy. When your wife nails her final poster of a Malaysian dung-beetle to the bathroom wall and weeps that there are no colourful prints sold by Ikea which are not already decorating the neighbours' homes, now is the time to unfurl this work of chivalrous grandeur.

Even though it is not the type of decoration which you would expect to find Carol Vorderman buying, its aura of magic and imagination will enchant your beloved.

Should you wish to gain permission to spend the evening watching your new DVD of Scott Quinnell's Guide to Blindfolded Unicycling, this is the moment to cement your reputation as a romantic of Romeo Proportions.

Whisper closely to her earlobe, "Darling, the only reason I can say I live in a castle is because I married a princess."

You may now slope off in search of an alka-seltzer.

$35 www.medieval-weaponry.com

2Duke of Burgundy Suit of ArmourBuying a Supergirl outfit on your wife's birthday is surely one of the most sensible present-buying choices a modern man could make.

It recognises your spouse's status not as a domestic accessory but as an individual of world-changing potential, and also gives her the chance to dress in warm primary-colours in the winter months.

Many women are bashful, though, when presented with such a costume and may disguise their amazement by throwing crockery in your direction and setting fire to your trousers.

However, when she next invites her mother around for a latte, not only will she dress as the Girl from Krypton, she will sing your praises as the type of husband most women would ride an elephant across the Alps to meet.

Tickle your self-esteem by eavesdropping on her hymn to your brilliance by hiding inside a suit of armour which you have positioned in the kitchen a week earlier for, you will have told her, aesthetic reasons.

Should your mother-in-law disagree with her daughter's synopsis of why you are the best thing since penicillin, leap out of the kitchen in your shining armour and chase her all the way to Normandy. Wales may be the land of dragons, but nobody has the right to denigrate a dude.

$2495 www.medieval-weaponry.com

3Roman ChandelierWedding anniversaries are great times to talk about the purchase of motorbikes and holidays in top rugby destinations.

The key to creating an atmosphere in which such topics of conversation are met with smiles and not electrified cattle prods is the lighting.

Placing this chandelier above your loved one's head will within seconds spur her to say, "That thing men do with a ball - I'd love to watch it - in France - in 2007!"

An evening which begins with such words will culminate in memories which will forever bring a light to the eyes of both of you.