Friday, April 6th, 2012

Forgive me dear readers, but this post is not entirely written for you. It is in part for confused strangers in the future, strangers who find themselves typing the phrase “Here Comes the Pizza!” into a search engine, perhaps along with “Paul Kafasis”. If you’re one of those searchers, welcome. Either way, read on to find out what it all means.

As part of Fenway Park’s centennial celebration, Boston Red Sox fans could purchase ceremonial bricks to be placed inside the stadium. With my chances of making the bigs dwindling ever lower, this seemed the best way to have my name enshrined in a major league ballpark. However, I was unsure of what sort of message to include alongside my name.

While simple and classy, this possibility was unlikely to be unique:

Welcome to Friendly Fenway

Similarly, while this is uplifting, it was likely to be repeated by many others:

Believe in Boston

Ultimately I realize I wanted something that was both truly distinctive and had the ability to make people smile. I hit on the idea of memorable announcer calls. After immediately eliminating Joe Buck’s lackluster 2004 and 2007 World Series efforts from consideration, I remembered the perfect call.

It came from Boston’s 2007 Patriots’ Day game, courtesy of Red Sox broadcaster Jerry Remy. Towards the end of a relative blowout by the Red Sox, something strange happened in foul territory down the left field line. Angels outfielder Garrett Anderson went after a pop fly in the stands, and though he failed to come up with the ball, he did manage to knock multiple beers all over one unlucky fan.1

The best was yet to come, however, as a full beat later an entire slice of pizza flew out of nowhere and nailed the poor bastard. You can see it here in mid-air, inexpertly telestrated by your humble author:

(Telestration is harder than you think)

As Remy and his partner Don Orsillo reviewed the event, they repeatedly fell into hysterics. Following multiple viewings of the hit, and a review of the evidence, Remy provided color commentary of the crime:

Your browser does not support the audio tag.

Hopefully plenty of other Sox fans remember this little occurrence, but if it’s the first you’ve heard of it, consider yourself in the know.2 But how does this tale of cockamamiery relate to our story? Regular readers may have already guessed, while future searchers already know:

This brick’s twin now resides at 4 Yawkey Way.

Yes folks, I am foolish enough to have forever enshrined Jerry Remy’s wonderful call of “Here comes the pizza!” inside the confines of America’s most beloved ballpark. My hope is that, like the incident it references, this brick will prove simultaneously hilarious and confusing to generations of fans.3 May it inspire both laughs and befuddled Google searches for many years to come.