Andy Dick arrested for drunkenly grabbing penises

Because it’s been two years since he’s reminded people he’s the most annoying drunk on Earth, Andy Dick was arrested for sexual abuse after grabbing the crotches of two male employees at a bar in West Virginia, according to the AP:

Dick was arraigned Saturday afternoon in Cabell County Magistrate Court. Court documents say he’s accused of grabbing a bouncer’s crotch and groping and kissing a male patron earlier in the morning at a bar in Huntington. Magistrate Patty Verbage Spence set bail at $60,000.
“Andy is stunned by these allegations and we are strongly denying any criminal conduct,” Dick’s attorney, Jeff Rubenstein, said in a statement.

Really? Andy Dick is “stunned” by these allegations? Because I’m pretty sure he heard he ran around grabbing cocks like they were free candy at a parade and went “That sounds about right.” Then blew a chihuahua.

Why hasn’t someone beaten this idiot to an inch of his life and think, “American converted to the Metric system about four hundred years ago, didn’t they?”, and beat him to a millimeter of his life? I’m not getting it!

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