What genius came up with the idea that days should have but four-and-twenty hours? And furthermore, was it the same fellow who thought that I should be overcome with the need to sleep for almost a third of those hours? What a twit that guy was. I lament my lack of...

So, Happy New Year, everybody. I hope you all had an exciting evening of drunken debauchery. (I know some of you had a little more drunken debauchery than others. Hah? Hah? Am I right? Am I right? Hah?) I debauched nothing, and I was only a little drunk. I was too...