Q&A: Date Suggestions, Nervous Impression

i can't talk to women

Dear Renee,

I'm a good-looking, 21-year-old guy who's a freshman in college. That said, here is my problem: I'm a little shy. That's not to say that I look at the ground when I walk around and avoid talking to people... I'm actually very outgoing, I just don't have confidence in my conversation-starting skills when it comes to women.

I can look into a pretty woman's eyes and flash her a nice smile, but when she smiles back, I become incredibly nervous. Butterflies swarm in my stomach and my face turns beet red, but I don't know why! At that point, I just resort to what I call "eye tag" and never get anything accomplished. That's when women get bored and turn away. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,Jim

Dear Jim,

This is a very common occurrence among men in the singles scene. What you need to do is change the way you look at approaching women. Turn it into a game of intrigue and let go of all expectations or desired outcomes.

You need to remind yourself how valuable you are. You don't want to end up with an inner monologue that creates body language that makes you seem insecure.

You need to modify that internal mechanism that awakens the fear within you. After all, what's the worst that can happen? She'll refuse your advances? Big deal.

And considering it sounds like women respond well to you, there's no reason for you to be afraid of how they'll react. It's time for you to take risks; if you can do it on the field or in your academic life, you can sure as hell do it in the dating game.

Renee

Renee Piane is the author of Love Mechanics, which provides "Power Tools" for men in the competitive game of love. She has been published in The Wall Street Journal as a respected resource for single men, and writes the weekly "Love Mechanics" column in Los Angeles' Entertainment Today.

Renee is a personal empowerment coach and has appeared on NBC's The Other Half and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus , and on A&E's Love Chronicles , giving Rapid Dating advice, performing complete makeovers and Love Nest Tune-Ups on men. Renee also co-hosts "Love on the Edge," a nationally syndicated radio show.