Dangling legs and wardrobe malfunctions: Why high chairs are the enemy at events

Cindy Ord / Getty Images

Love it or hate it — by which we mean, hate it — the high-rise chair poses challenges that can make things weird for women onstage. But props to this woman for literally tying her shoes to her feet, just in case.

Love it or hate it — by which we mean, hate it — the high-rise chair poses challenges that can make things weird for women onstage. But props to this woman for literally tying her shoes to her feet, just in case. (Cindy Ord / Getty Images)

Nature has given women a few extra challenges in life, among them the pains of childbirth and having to do everything Fred Astaire does, but backward and in heels.

To these the business community has added a third: the indignity of giving public presentations from inappropriate chairs.

Far from its intended use of feeding Cheerios to babies or putting one’s wares on better display in bars, the high-rise chair now presents itself at professional events everywhere. Women, often in dresses and heels and always lacking the social privilege of bracing ourselves with our legs open, are expected to hover perilously above sturdy earth in service of event venues lacking appropriate risers.

From these perches — perhaps fittingly known as highboys — we must devote precious brainspace to questions including but not limited to:

• Just how high will this skirt hike up if…

• Where do I put my feet oh wait no…

• How many YouTube views will it get if I…

• Why am I so high and my bottle of water so low?

And if there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women, there’s a super-special place for event organizers who make panelists hoist themselves into position after the audience has been called to attention and is now staring expectantly at the stage. Their conference fee was honestly not enough to make us shimmy like that.

I once watched a Nobel laureate on such a chair, her shoes teetering distractingly — but not for long, because they soon came off. She proceeded to give the talk without them. After all, what do you do? Descend, bend over booty-out, wriggle your shoes back on and then begin the climb back up? No.

While the highboy chair is the prime offender, there are others. I saw one executive address an audience of Chicago business leaders from a stage outfitted with a very deep club chair. She may have been a onetime CEO, but she couldn’t issue a directive ordering her feet to reach the floor. Legs dangling from a grownup chair can be a charming look, if you’re age 4 and wearing Mary Janes. It’s not exactly a power pose.

On the other hand, I recently moderated a panel in a venue with stadium seating for the audience and a skirted table for the speakers, aka a taste of heaven. My tote bag rested at my feet out of view, so I didn’t have to worry about its security or whereabouts. My legs and feet could do as they pleased, in flat shoes that were not on display. I could lean, turn and even scooch a bit to face panelists without worrying about toppling a wobbly high canvas chair. Notes, water and iPhone timer were easily accessible, no juggling required.

In other words, my mind was free to engage in the task at hand, self-assuredly leading a fun, insightful conversation.

I should have praised the staid but stable setup — welcoming to the differently abled, the extra-pounded, the bad-backed, and anyone who enjoys unfreezing their muscles at least once over the course of an hour — while I had the floor. “Don’t thank us; thank the chairs!”

If you feel uplifted and confident after hopping onto a highboy chair, I salute you. But I can’t help but notice what happens when a businesswoman is totally in charge of her speaking environment. At a taping of her legendary show, I watched Oprah Winfrey walk onstage comfortably shoeless. After she took her seat in a low, well-proportioned chair, an assistant placed stilettos on her feet. She was TV-glam but also relaxed, secure and ready to carry the show.

And there you have it. The audience should be on the edge of their seats, not the speakers.