Friday, August 26, 2011

I feel it is my duty to educate the people here in Southern Texas and Reynosa about how to eat corn from Iowa. We DO NOT put anything but butter and salt on our corn. A little pepper (optional) is also permissible. We DO NOT allow mayonnaise, chile, or cheese. We also DO NOT allow guacamole as this young man slathered on my most excellent Iowa corn. After I took his photo, I took him outside and had him hanged from the tallest tree which around here is about 5 feet. Thank goodness he isn't too short or I would be in jail although I believe I would have gotten off for justifiable homicide.

Friday, August 12, 2011

If there is one thing I don't like about Iowa, it must be the rednecks. I'm not talking about the good ol' boys. I kind of like them. I have several cousins of the farming, hunting, fishing sort who love their trucks. They're all right. I'm talking about the narrow-minded, clueless idiots. And none of my cousins slap stickers on their trucks especially like this one.

I found this bumper sticker for sale at Terrible's gas station next to the casino in southwest Iowa right next to the anti-Obama stickers. Behind it was the chewing tobacco case where the woman with multiple tattoos and piercings was standing. Kind of goes hand in hand, I guess. When the man working there asked me why I took a photo, I told him in a quiet and low voice, "I was going to buy a pop, but now I am too disgusted." And I quietly left the store. Too bad it was already after I bought my gas.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Who is crazier? Me, who lived in Reynosa, or these guys playing golf in Tulsa, Oklahoma when it is 116 degrees? The good news is it was only 110 by 8 o'clock in the evening... in the shade. The bad news is they are predicting it will be even hotter today.

And now for the latest news about my budding romance with boyfriend Gregg Anderson who was born at Utah.

Hi Rita, I am not married and I am looking forward to starting something wonderful with you, something that can last forever and I do not have kids and don't mind more kids though am ready to take your kids as the blood of my blood and the flesh of my flesh. How are you and how is your Sunday going? I am really looking forward to getting to meet you and pass time together and I want something that would last forever and someone we can grow old together. Where are the kids presently and what are your interests? Looking forward to hear from you soon.

Hi Rita, Please find time to read my email to you on your G mail in-box as I have been shy to come out straight but I opened up and expressed myself to you in the poems I sent you on there. Thinking about having more kids, I don't think I would like you to go through the pains of labor considering your age. I just want our happiness together and want us to be a mirror of Christ to the world and grow old together.Really cant wait to meet and chat with you. Yours forever, Gregg

Rita's note: I think he just called me OLD so this romance is off to a good start. I looked for the poems because you all know I am a sap for such lovey dovey stuff, but I couldn't find them.

How did you find me? I've been praying to find someone who will accept me and love me even though I suffer from polydactyly (extra fingers and toes) and strabismus (crossed eyes). I am a widow but my husband had a very good insurance policy so I don't have to work.

UPDATE:
Gregg has broken up with me. You have to read the comments to see how he feels. My heart is broken, but we're still facebook friends. He did leave me this parting shot on an instant message..."All I wanted was just true love and someone to be happy with forever and I thank God that he revealed what you were made up of to me through my cousin"

Who Am I?

I taught 5th grade for 2 years in Mexico near the border of Texas. Unfortunately, gun battles, grenades, narco-blockades, and thieves ran me out of town. Then, by a twist of fate, I became the guardian to my orphaned nephews and moved to the safer, saner, and much colder state of Iowa.