Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The mom's response to that shocking autism hate letter about her son

These words are from Karla Begley, mom to the 13-year-old with autism who was the subject of an anonymous hate-filled letter that made headlines around the world. Max's brother, Jack, 15, is also on the autism spectrum. Karla, 44, has multiple sclerosis and is in a wheelchair so she's by no means a stranger to intolerance, though not like this. A reader from Ontario who knows Karla asked if I wanted to connect with her. I sure did. I asked Karla what response she'd give to that person; this is what she had to say.

I will not stoop to an insulting level. What I have to say is about tolerance, acceptance and respect for kids with special needs.

Nobody should ever write a letter that hurtful. It describes Max as being "noise polluting" and "a nuisance." Kids make noise. That's what kids do. Nuisance is causing a public uproar about it! I remember being a kid and screaming at the top of my lungs with another girl. The problem is that tolerance goes down the second a kid is out there in a yard alone, a kid with special needs, making noise. Those "noises" are the only way my son has to express himself and play.

If Max's sounds bother someone, I'd hope that person would let us know in a respectful way. Give us a chance to handle it instead of being cowardly about it. I'd rather people bring things out in the open. Sometimes, kids come up to me and ask "Why does he talk funny?" The parents are embarrassed. But if the mom isn't going to talk properly to a child, or teach him that kids with autism are not contagious, I will! It's important to help kids understand and not be fearful from a young age. I'll tell children, "He has autism and he has trouble with speech, but you can say 'hi' to him." And then I'll have Max say 'hi' back and it's OK. I'd rather kids ask than grow up to be the sort of people who write nasty letters about autism!

Even if Max doesn't speak like the rest of us do, he understands. He reads my face, too. If I'm not all happy, he comes up to me and says 'Mommy cry?' and if I am crying he'll wipe my eyes and give me a hug. He may not do things other kids do, he may not be on a sports team, but he has a zest for life—he loves to look around, listen to music, go snowmobiling and jet-skiing with his father.

People with special needs are people first. They have every right others do. Instead of glares, I wish people would give smiles. Instead of anger toward parents, I wish people would be more understanding. Trust me, if there's behavior ruining someone else's day, it's ruining mine and I want to deal with it! When we first started trying to take Max out, we went to McDonald's because we figured it's not a fine-dining place where we'd ruin someone's dinner. I didn't notice Max was kicking the back of a seat. When a guy turned and said "Please stop that kicking" I explained, "He has autism and we're trying to take him out, we're just glad he's not screaming!" And then the guy was fine and sweet to Max. I was glad he didn't freak out, and that he listened to me.

Max has shown us there are many ways for people to communicate—he always gets his point across and he's smart. If he wants to watch a certain video, and you're not understanding him, he'll get up and hand it to you. One time, we were in the car and he was saying "twinkle, twinkle" and I said, "You want Mommy to sing?" and I could tell from the look on his face he didn't want that. Then he said "bus" and I realized he wanted me to sing "The wheels on the bus go round and round." Sometimes, it's like charades, but he gets his point across.

Max has gotten a lot of therapy over the years. It's helped him communicate, and retrained his brain so he can focus and learn and be a part of society. Before he started getting ABA therapy, at 2 and 1/2, he mostly just sat in a corner and wiggled a string or sucked on his blanket or shirt—it was anxiety, we later learned. Max's therapy has been expensive, but this is what it means to be a society: You help those in need. Would anyone consider people with cancer a burden? Or senior citizens? I come from a huge family—my father had 12 brothers and sisters, and they all had kids and they had kids. He's told me, 'We've all paid into things with our family and nobody's drawn disability, so don't worry about it.'"

Of course, we wonder about Max's future, whether he will ever live alone or get married. What will be will be. Everyone has a place in the world. Some people are meant to hold big jobs. Some people make you happy and smile. Max brings pure joy and love. He has taught me to slow down and appreciate life, as seen through his eyes. He's taught us what's important, why my husband quit his job for a year as a market data analyst to stay home and help with Max.

Everyone who knows Max loves him. He is a blessing. I think I'm lucky: How many mothers still have their 13-year-old son wanting to sit on the couch, have mommy time and cuddles, and not be afraid to show love and affection?

Over the years, people have often said to us "God only gives you what you can handle." But last night, I said to my husband, "I think God finally thought the Begleys have had enough!" The community rallying around us has been amazing, the outpouring of support is awesome. It puts your faith back in humanity: Yes, people are generally good.

If no one has ever told all of you moms this, let me do it: YOU ARE TERRIFIC!!!! Before you, a gazillion moms (a generation before you) faced other types of appalling "letters" -- there were doctors who said to them "Oh, just wait, his/her (speech/behavior problem/impulsiveness) will improve. You just worry too much" and even close family members sent hurtful messages too, that often began with "That's because you always . . ." or "That's because you never . . . " All of you moms are DOING SO MUCH MORE for everyone's special needs child and for the neighbors, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents of special needs kids than you can ever, ever know.

My granddaughter is 4 and is autistic she doesn't talk at all all she do is make noise. She is in therapy and in special needs preschool. She is very smart even though she don't talk she shows us what she wants. If she wants to eat she will grab your hand and take you to the refrigerator and show you what she wants the same thing with snack. If she wants a drink she bring her cup if she want to watch tv she brings the remote if she wants to go outside she brings her shoes. She is the first autistic kid in our family and it is a learning experience I tell the other kids when they want to play with her and she doesn't want to play that she wants her me time. She has even started giving hugs and kisses. I love her just the way she is.

i remember being a kid...usually picked on myself but anyhow there was a biracial child in the neighborhood that was also deaf. i remember seeing him out and we started to communicate and played together, I walked him home so that he would not be picked on too, and when i got there i remember meeting his mother and father...now being only about 7 myself i thought it odd that they were thanking me for playing with their son and walking him home...but now as an adult I now know how very special that must of been to them for someone to not make fun of or push their son away but engage with him and find ways to do things together even with barriers...especially back then when a biracial child was looked down on to begin with and then add in he was deaf too...being a kid i didnt think anything of it but now it has shown me just how special that was...and i try to encourage my children to interact with others that might not be just like them but have issues as i call it

I AM BI-RACIAL BUT I AM NOT DEAF. I DIDNT REALIZE THAT I WAS LOOKED DOWN UPON UNTIL I READ YOUR COMMENT. YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES LADY. I LOOK DOWN ON YOU FOR YOUR IGNORANCE. YOU DONT EVEN REALIZE HOW OFFENSIVE THAT COMMENT IS. IDIOT!!

um jessi you are clearly young and dumb. I am bi-racial as well and I have taken no offense, grow up. a fact of MANY MANY MANY years ago, a fact such as interracial couples and babies being "frowned upon", facts like these may hurt but they are just that, FACTS. no where in the above comment was the person trying to be hurtful. however you insulted them and I truly felt the need to let YOU know YOUR ignorance, and impulsive insults wont get you anywhere in life especially if your going to be one of those people who uses the racial issues of the far past as an excuse to be rude and angry and for not succeeding in life. and it seems pretty clear from your " ANGRY CAPS" that you are this type of person. right? enjoy life being ignorant and impulsive. Child.

This is an example of class and dignity, both this entire family. To respond to such intolerance and bigotry with calm reason is a shining example many could benefit from. I have a cousin who was born deaf and mute and with cerebral palsy. He was in a wheelchair until his teens. We talk often via facebook and text messages. he lives on his own in his own apartment paid for by his own salary as head of IT for a major corporation. Our children, regardless of what hardships they may face should be taught to dream, to reach for these dreams.

Tricia came down at just the right level, as far as I'm concerned. Jessi opened up, all guns blazing and needed a swift and stern response. At no point did Tricia stoop to vulgarity or ugliness, only stating things as they are. Yes Jessi, you needed Tricia's message. Will you get it? That depends on how humble you are and how willing to set your ego aside for a moment. My kids not long ago would have been derogatorily called "Octaroons". 1/8th black was an abomination in the way back. 1/8th! And even today, the President of the United States, a man regarded by some as the most powerful man in the world, who happens to be "mixed-race" (last I checked we are all members of the human race, but that is a different discussion), gets more death threats than any white president ever did. And it takes very little Google searching to see racist comments and images made to demean the president. Yeah Jessi, even now you are looked down upon. Some of us are working on fixing that though.

I found it very hard to believe that in this day and age that there are still very cruel people out there.Obviously not a true Christian. How dare this person usethe word God in that nasty letter.Nevertheless wishing this cruel person the same some day would not make it right. "Two wrongs don't make a right".That person needs prayers and guidance from God.We regardless of colour, race, ethnic, religion and so on are all Gods children. Way back in high school, we were given an assignment (report) on whatever subject we choose and yes you guessed it, I choose Autism. Best report (assignment) I've ever done.

I was raised to believe There for the Grace of God could go you or I, and have always raised my children the same way.As a young Mother of 21 when my son was 9months old he had menigitis which left him deaf and learning disabled to small degree,but yes they had him labled.I found out then just who my real friends were,yes my son was loud when he played but until he could learn to lower his voice there wasn't much i could do about it.Once he started school for the deaf he made remarkable steps in life then the fear that every mother has what happens to him when im gone? Who could raise him or who would want to with his deafness? I was by far hurting him by not letting himgrow and do things like other kids,i had to stop,i was as the doctor explained i was going to make him more handicapped if i didnt let go,some people were down right rotten to him as he was still loud and sometimes to rough but all boy but one person i never knew who do to not having to give your name made our lives miserable,every 30 to 45 days this person was calling childrens services trying to get my child taken away. Now 37 years later i have a son who everyone in the small town we live in knows him,protects him,and does alot of different things with him,he is married,and has a 6 year old daughter and all i can say to whoever it was who kept calling us in I have always Prayed for You and never once hated you.

I am so happy for Karla and her family that the love and support of MOST of the world has been felt recently. I think the 'abnormal' and antisocial person in the whole scenario has been clearly exposed as the letter writer. Karla, I hope you know there are legions of special needs Moms in Canada and beyond who walk with you and support you!

Karla you are a classy Lady and the love you show your children and others displays that well. Other parents need to teach our children at a young age about special needs and how to show compassion and frindship to others.My oldest son who is now befriended a special needs young man in highschool and to this day they stay in touch and he sees to it that this young man gets to fish and do guy things like all others.Your son is a lucky young man to have such a loving family to stand with him. Be proud of each step he takes and give love to him from my family.

karla, Your son is very fortunate to have parents like you&your husband. It's too bad you have neighbors like that. I'm a ham radio operator where we are all equal un less we say something. I tlk to people all over the world. It's so nice to talk mto people that have no problem communicating verbally. although some countries are more difficult than others we manage most of the timeI'm sorry you had to meet up with someone like this Just teah him to be more understanding of others is about the only way to stop this. I have a very loving special needs grandson 10 y/o.

You tell em Karla! I so understand what you've written. When friends feel badly for me, I will say "sitting on the couch, holding hands with my son and watching Mr. Rogers on a Saturday night instead of wondering where he is and what he's doing is actually pretty nice." I just want you to know, our family is behind you a hundred percent as well. (((hugs and love)))

Same here. She handled that with so much more class than I ever would have. This letter made me sad, mad, hurt and every other emotion possible. The mama bear in me came out and I wanted to rip that lady up one end and down the other...but this didn't happen to me. The lady this actually happened to is handling it in a way I couldn't. She is my new mommy role model. I hope that I can be as loving and patient as she is. She could have said such hateful things about this "woman" (and I use that term VERY loosely) but she took this terrible experience and turned it positive. Karla you have major super-woman points in my book lady! Kiss that sweet boy of yours for me and my family.

I have got looks not from kids but from grownups. Ryan makes noise and it can be loud. He is excited or sad, or mad. Ryan has a hard time with talking and is more the adults that give us a look like what the heck is wrong with him or the look to shut him up. Ryan is 9 years old and at the age they wont hold hands Ryan will take mine and hold and he will sit on the couch and just take my hand and hold it. That letter she got just makes me sick how dare that mom said that stuff she has no idea what it is like to have a special needs child. They are filled with love and silliness and Ryan has a little sister who he treats like a little sister he will tease her left and right and she will react like a little sister too. Ryan loves her and she loves him she is always looking out for him and has spoken up for him. I also, worry about the future and what will happen but I know that God has it all worked out. KATIE

Wow. What a wonderful mother and strong woman. She's an inspiration and I know there are more people like her than people like her neighbor. I can't believe people like that exist. Also, people need to stop saying God won't give you more than you can handle. That's not Biblical or true. Life constantly throws stuff at us that we can't handle. The whole point is that we need God to help us through the things we can't handle.

I had a pastor explain that to me several years ago &I try to remind people. God doesn't give us more than we can handle...WITH HIS HELP. If we could handle out without Him, we'd never need to turn to Him. :-) Back to the point of this post...Bravo to this mom for being a model of how we all should react if, God forbid, we ever experience such hate and ignorance.

Well done you for rising above it & seeking to educate others who might have secretly agreed. I have 14 year old girl and a 15 year old boy who's idea of a perfect Saturday night is curling up in my bed while I watch back to back episodes of Ugly Betty. Autism is not all bad ! Oh and while my kids may be prone to occasional outbreaks of public nudity (such as when they need the bathroom in the forest and decide to use the nearest tree) I am certain I will never have to experience what Billy-Ray went through on the weekend. My kids are happy to be kids xx

You are a prime example of no matter how crappy this world gets, there is always someone to outshine the darkness. What a wonderful special human being you are!!!!!!!!! Thanks for reminding me this world is worth living in, your words and compassion have done more good for more people then all the hate in this world can ever dent.

And yes Mom your family is right they put into the system for YOU and every Canadian with a heart and soul has paid into that system so YOU and people like you can be there and support and love your children no matter what their illness may be, it's what being Canadian IS period...... NEVER EVER feel shame cause you need help from the system, WE put this system in place FOR YOU and others in your situation and no other reason period. My family has paid into this system for generations and I assure you, you are more then welcome to every single penny we have ever put in and more.....

Thank you mom for giving this wonderful child a chance to see true love and humanity overrides hate any day!!!!

Max, as for you, I wish I had your yest for life. You go out and scream and make all the noises you want cause most of us (and by most I mean 99.9999999999999999% of humanity) love to see a child who could have been forgotten and left behind being shown the love you are shown and being given the chance to have a life as good if not better then us.

https://www.facebook.com/CybrspinCan't post as fb user so I put my url.

after all the post and what this beautiful mother has said i didn't think i could cry and harder.. until i read this i was right .. then i was wrong xxoo i agree 1000% to your post and every post. Most especially a mother who can see past the thin veil of hate to rise above and just be ULTIMATELY classy!!!

This past summer my 16 year old daughter who lives with an Intellectual Disability went to sleep away camp for 8 weeks. They had her teach the younger children (w/o special needs) to swim. She was in a play with kids her own age (w/o special needs) and LOVED every second of it. When you teach children early that kids with differences are not scary and just learn differently, then you begin to make the change we need to see in society. When you have a scared angry mom writing hateful letters, it's hard to imagine what her kids will grow up to be. It takes a community to speak out and make the world a bit sweeter. I'm sure the mom who wrote the letter lives in great fear that she will be found out. Too bad, we can't all reach out to her to teach tolerance and acceptance. We're all one step away from disability.

I hear the pain your words Carol... I am so sorry for your precious loss.... From one Autism Mom's heart to another, I send you great big hugs and hope that you find peace in the knowledge that you will be with him again someday. And if everyone is healed of all illness when we go to heaven, then there will be hand flapping and squealing abound. :) God Bless you Mommy.....

every person and sentient being has a gift to give the world, things we can learn from and about. I have two grandsons who are ASD and both are beautiful people, they are compassionate and loving and I am blessed to have them in my life. People who write hateful things are generally people who have never really experienced life or reached outside them selves to try and understand other sentient beings. Human and non human. These are the people I feel sorry for as they are missing out on the special gifts that people with autism give the world.

Karla and Jim,, You are an amazing couple that we have known since Jackson was 5 and competed in the Elvis competition in Brantford. Hats off to a Most wonderful set of parents..Both of you are truly amazing.. and continually have a perpetual smile on your faces..We should only have to walk a mile in your shoes to know what this is like.. God Bless you and your family.. HUGS M&B

Karla,Your response touched me. I am autistic myself and have been told by many people, including professionals, that "you can't be in society like this". This hurt me. It's assuming I willfully disrupt other people. I have also been told I would've been left to die had I had X disability (mostly, inellectual disability) or if I had been someone who wouldn't give back from the energy poured into my upbringing. My parents, when saying this, didn't mean me personally, but it did hurt me. I'm so sorry for you having received this hurtful letter, but you handle it with grace.

Well said Astrid-know that you will always have support, even if from a complete stranger. There are good people who will go that extra mile to help another human being like you. You WILL give back-and in many ways, of this I am sure.

I'm in band and it's shocking to know that people say that autistics don't belong in a place where they are able to do what they love with other people that share the same interests. The world without autistic people is like a band with only trumpets and saxophones.

Astrid I've poured all the energy I have into the upbringing of my extremely autistic daughter&still do today w/her as an adult. Only wanting back what she's capable of giving. By modeling self-help skills to her&having the patience to not push or reproach her, she's almost self-sufficient. She'll always need 24/7 supervision tho'&I fear for her future without me because of the hurtful attitude you speak of, i.e., "being left to die". I'm so sorry for you having been told that. xx

Astrid, I am Autistic myself. :) This world would be a very different place without us. And not in a good way. We are the Steve Jobs of this world. :) You are an amazing young woman, you can go wherever your heart takes you! My heart took me home, where I am raising 2 beautiful Autistic boys. Autism runs in my family. I have learned to love and embrace who God made me to be. :) I hope that life takes you far, through a very exciting journey. When you get there, please blog your journey, and take us with you. :) God Bless! April

Karla Begley...."Of course, we wonder about Max's future, whether he will ever live alone or get married. What will be will be. Everyone has a place in the world. Some people are meant to hold big jobs. Some people make you happy and smile. Max brings pure joy and love.". Very good. I, being someone who lives with learning disabilities, and a huge fanatic of Robert Downey Jr., have been thinking about a quote. {"Minuscule is good!"--RDJ.} So what if I never attend college and still live at home? I really rather like it!! Minuscule is good. I am a writer who expresses herself through words. It is a gift. And Max? He is Beautifully Unique that boy!! ;)--Raelyn

Awesome Karla, hats off to you and your family. You all handled this ordeal with dignity, grace, and love, and it's awesome that so many conversations and so much awareness has come out of this. We all have a reason to be here, maybe this awareness was that hateful person's purpose here on earth...Deana (((hugs)))

My Wish: Everyone start writing to "The NEW DSO Organization" concerning "The DSTO Council Committee" To demand changes to the decision making on who gets the help, and who doesn't! There has been trouble in the ranks, On The DSTO Council, (( 3 Self Advocates "with comprehension problems" have been told that their words or votes do not matter! And a vote was taken to separate the 2 councils because of having to explain everything in "layman's terms")) Alot of Disagreements on how things are being run, (Members Have Left!) Suggest a new election process, Release the other members for not fulfilling the requirements. ((Let's stop this "Tea Party" of wasted public funds.))

BTW, as in the above, I support Karla & Max also, and why they are not using the system for income has me wondering WHY? Did they get rejected by the DSTO, Or someone from SURRY PLACE? Hmm makes me think when I was told, "No!"

This is an apt reply to the letter. Instead of being hurtful and insulting like the letter writer, karla has replied with love and sensitivity. It is such a dignified stance she has taken. I agree that Every person has their own Place in this World and nobody has a right to think or say otherwise. Thanks again for the lovely letter and thanks to Ellen too .

Great reply. Our children are special people. People may look at them and not understand that inside they are in fact feeling and intelligent beings who have difficulty with communication. But, just as Helen Keller could not communicate until she was taught, our children are still waiting for his/her Ann Sullivan. I love my son and I just pray that I am doing right by him. On a positive note, our new next door neighbor said that he loves hearing him in the pool enjoying himself as he "sings"/"talks" at the top of his lungs!! Thank you Karla for being an awesome Mom!

I have seen that a lot of kids who cannot speak well make noise when they are happy. When I was teaching a summer school class there was a little girl with Down syndrome who wasn't really able to speak, but she'd always get her point across somehow. She loved to color and scribble, and sometimes when she was coloring she'd be making these loud yelling sounds. Some of the aides would express irritation that I wasn't making her be quiet (it would be during free time or some other unstructured time so it wasn't like she was disrupting the class) and I would tell them, She's happy, she's doing that because she's happy, so why would I want to make her stop??? People need to understand that there are different ways of expressing feelings, and if you aren't able to use words, you'll probably find other ways of communicating, and it shouldn't be scary or annoying if you understand that.

The letter from the irate neighbor was a self-portrait, not a valid evaluation of the situation. When my own autistic son displayed his bizarre reactions to people, or spun endlessly on the floor, I too survived the sarcastic reactions of strangers and the cackling imitations by the neighborhood children. It was my dear mother-in- law who said, 'God gave him to you because he knew that he'd be safe with you. He placed the child where there was love.'

I suggest that you investigate every possible source of care for Max, with a focus on the future. When he is 18, go to court and become his legal guardian. This will give you the power to make decisions for him after he's reached his majority. Register him with your local association for the mentally ill (sorry, that's the designation at the moment) and indicate his need for future housing.

My son, who is now an adult, lives in a group home where he has a very full and interesting life. He's close by, and I visit him regularly. Long ago I accepted the fact that he'll never marry or be able to live independently, but he is safe and happy and my heart is comforted. I wish you the same resolution.

God bless you. how dare this person say this. from here in Georgia we support yal. I was in special education in highschool. My son has a special needs friend at his school. He came home and told me some one was picking on him. I sat him down and told him that not everyone can defend themselves,that it was our job to standup for them no matter what. There is. still good in this world. We support you.

this just made me cry it made me cry even worse about the hate letter I have special needs my self i dont have autsim what max have but I have prader-willi syndrome. people dont know that i have special needs becuase i dont look it and most of the time i do t act like it either i can talk good i have frineds non/specal needs frends. im in regualr classes as well. but it just hurt me that someone would say that people who meet me love me. and love to hang out with me.

I am horrified after reading that letter, that is all I am going to say about that because that disgusting human doesn't deserve any more focus!

As for your beautiful response, loved it! I cried but for happy reasons. We have a son with Epilepsy, and yes it is not obvious like some levels of Autism it has impacted our family. Like you I am active at talking about it and bringing awareness. Life is so busy people don't have time or a reason to learn about these conditions, unless it directly affects their family or someone they know.

Good for you for speaking out, and good for you for standing your ground, and good for you for educating!

Heavenly Father places special angels where he knows that they will be loved and cared for. My husbands brother was, we think, autistic and they had to put him in an institution. My mother in law always thought my husband didn't like his older brother because he didn't talk about him after he passed away but she was so wrong. When we named our first son after him my husband told me he was going to name his first son after his brother no matter who he married. He loves him and misses him more than he would say to anyone. This person who sent the nasty letter must have a very miserable life and wants everyone to be miserable too! I know its hard to do but pray for that person. Its hard to hate a person when you pray for them. Bless you all!!

I am blessed to be on the board of a local Children's Center for abused,neglected and abandoned children.They are children with no place to go for love. Max is a blessed child as it sounds like Karla and her family offer all the love possible to Max.People with good sense know how much love,effort ,understanding and careing go into the care of children that have this terrable disease. I have a good friend who has a daughter with the same sickness and his swife had to quit her teaching job to stay with her daughter and give her the care she needs. Her husband said it is not a easy task and no matter how much love and careing you give you sometimes feel hurt yourself wondering do the children know what we are really doing for them. Karla is a blesses mom and her understanding of the remarks made by the other women about her son show that that person needs to go to love and understand education classes. Max is a very lucky boy to have parents like he has.I hope the lady that wrote the hate letter that she has the feeliengs to write and say the simple words "I am sorry for what I said". If this woman had a chield live with her for just one week maybe she would care.

Karla very proud of your response I as well.have a child with autism as I struggled at the.beginning why me until I.spoke to a priest at.my.church his advised God would not have.sent me this child if he didn't think I could not.take care of her my.daughter brings joy love and happiness to my family and I would not have had it any other way I have an older son.and he was really outrage about the.letter your neighbor sent special needs children are all.angels bless you and your family

I am a mother of two autistic babies. My son just turned two and daughter just turned 1. I recently found out within the last two months. I was recently in Walmart and my son was yelling rocking and covering his ears. A woman and her child were starring and I was expecting the mother to tell her child that's not nice or something to that extent. Instead they both were starring and the mother looked discustid. Had my mother not had been with me knowing me and how I feel about my children I would have been very ignorant and disrespectful. I commend u on the way u responded to that letter. I can't believe the audacity of that cowardly woman. If she thought she was right in what she had said she would have never been reluctant to put her name. She would have shouted it out as she did her letter. This makes me so angry. My children are special. Special to me. If they don't live the life I want them to or the way "normal" people do I will be as proud as I would if they didn't have autism. Babies kids teenagers adults with autism are people too. Some of the most intelligent people in this world have autism. They r not retarded. As matter of fact my babies may not talk or look at me all the time but they are smarter than words can even explain. That woman who wrote the hate letter is the most ignorant retarded person. She was ashamed and embarrassed of herself and if she isn't she outta be. My babies 1 & 2 have more sense than that woman. That letter has done two things to me this morning. Made me realize that people are unbelievably disrespectful and non caring. And secondly how I am gonna handle these ignorant people. Kill them with KINDNESS. Ty so much for posting this story although very disturbing a very great positive message to the world that is full of these insane people who society deems "normal". My babies are normal society deems them autistic god and myself deem them perfect.

LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE!! I have an autistic daughter and if I received a letter like that original one I would be sore tempted to end the problem by kicking someones a$$, but you were very eloquent and showed the love of Christ in your response ms. Karla. Bravo! Kudo's to you and yours.

We have your back and we will not tolerate this kind of cowardly bullying. You are part of a world where people are actively standing up for special needs kids. Those numbers are growing by leaps and bounds.

My son is in the process of being diagnosed and you have no idea what an inspiration you are to me. You spoke with such compassion and grace which is amazing considering how angry and hurt you must also be feeling. Big hugs to you and your glorious son xxx

Good luck on your journey with your precious son. :) I have 2 boys with Autism myself. It runs in my family, as I have it, and so does my Dad. My biggest advice as a Mom, is to find a support group. You will find answers, support, life long friends, understanding, and fierce friends when you need them most. If you are on Facebook, there is an Autism group called "Parents of Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder/Asperger's. I also Jodi ed a local group here in Oregon called "Westside Autism Mom's". Finding a support group can help you to find Doctor's, Specialists, Dentists, Therapists, etc. You can also vent on rough days, and rejoice on the good. :) Good luck, and most of all, enjoy that precious boy of yours. :)

People with special needs are people too and the person who wrote that disgusted letter to you and your family is not happy within them and trying to your life unhappy.... Do not let anyone steal your joy and happiness... you have a great family and community the rally to support you so keep praying and watch God work.. that person will reveal themselves one-day in God we trust....

You don't just have a community supporting you ....you have a country....that person was rude and spineless ...Max is a beautiful blessing from God and i would be proud to have him bless our neighborhood....i am.sorry you and your son had to be exposed to that much hate and ignorance. ..i hope people can learn from your story snd show tolerance, patience, and love to children who were born special..May God bless your family

Education is key in getting people to be more accepting of people with disabilitiees. What I dont understand in this instance is why the neighbor who wrote this letter didnt just talk to the mom herself? I get that this person may work crazy hours and be trying to sleep, or be sick and need their rest but wouldnt it be easier to just try and come to a compromise? It disturbs me to thin kthat this person has children that she is infecting withthis type of inolerance and hate.

The letter written to this mom hurt my heart so much. I know firsthand because I have a 15 year old daughter with autism. I first saw the letter on the internet the same week that I had taken my daughter to a local McDonald's. She was behaving great and saying "Hi" to everyone that passed by the table. This apparently ruined the whole day of the elderly couple sitting behind us so much that they actually had to stop on their way out to tell me, "People like her don't belong in public". I replied that maybe THEY didn't belong out in public with so much hatred in their hearts for God's special children". Anyway, how on earth do you go to a McDonald's and not expect to have to deal with kids in some manner? It is no fine dining establishment...

That is so cute, your daughter saying Hi to everyone that passed by. I can imagine your delight in her using her social skills appropriately. My daughter expects all clerks to have their name tag on so she can say "Hi "so&so"". She learned this in high school as a way of socializing and for the most part we get a good reaction out of it. What that elderly couple said has probably been said many times about my daughter but I've never heard it myself. Seeing that said is very disconcerting as I have had law enforcement called on us&the officer in the last encounter said in parting "so you're on your way home?" What if I hadn't of been???

I am a very proud mum to two very special young adults with autism (20 and 24) and I can honestly say I have met my fair share of ignorant people, it dosnt get easier with age either, we kind of expect the stares and whispers where ever we go. but you know what, I wouldn't change either of my kids for the world ! they are hard work but the love I get back is immeasurable, when I first read the letter my first instinct im afraid to say was anger and rage and I wanted to meet this idiot of a woman face to face, then I thought about it and yes, I would never stoop to her level,,, as my dad always says (and it is so true) WHENEVER YOU POINT YOUR FINGER AT SOMEONE, YOU ALWAYS HAVE THREE POINTING BACK AT YOURSELF !! yes using your hand make a pointing gesture,,, see you have your other 3 fingers pointing back at yourself ,, I live my life by this and would like to commend you all for being so positive , we are the chosen ones (my dad said that too) our children have made us the people we are today and for this I thank them from the bottom of my heart

I too have a child with Autism she is 18 and like you have MS. Iamsurprised how cruel adults are especially teachers that we encountered in public school. Fortunately she started at a private school here in Nashville in the 8th grade and has just started her senior year. Watching my daughter over the years I compare it to not being very good at math and everyone would communicate via math. Remember when you could just not get it no matter how hard you tried. She knows there is a problem just cannot figure out how to overcome it. But her mother and I could not find a better child, big heart, kind and just wants to be accepted.

I happen upon your blog through an article. My heart was pounding so hard when I read that hate letter that I realized - as a mom of a special needs kid (who also rocks!) I would not have been so nice after reading that hate letter if it had been sent to me. I admire Karla's composure and I wish more of us were like her...special needs moms and moms alike! God bless you all.

Hi Karla, I reached out to you via facebook, but the site said the message would go to your "other" folder since we are not friends. On the chance you are reading these replies, I want to be sure you see my message. I am copying it here for you.

Hi Karla,I wanted to reach out to you in regards to the letter you received regarding your son. So much of what you are experiencing I can relate to. We live in Central Illinois. I have 4 kids, including 2 with Down Syndrome. In April 2011 we woke one morning to find our home and cars had been vandalized with things like "Get outta town retards" and "retard, cunt, bitches dead" My daughters were only 4 at the time. When I read the letter that some coward sent you, so many emotions I had experienced from our own situation came rushing back. The sadness that people cannot see my children for anything more than their disability. The fear of not knowing where the threat was coming from. The anger that some ignorant fool would feel it was their "right" to voice such hatred. The exhaustion of working so hard to help my child find a place in this world only to be met with such ignorance. But there is hope...Much good has come from the situation, awareness raised, new and strengthen friendships as a result of the hateful act. Much like your community our community rallied around us. I saw so much good from people. But 2+ years later it still hurts a bit. Our vandals were never caught, the house was resided, the cars repaired, and while the memory fades the scars remain. I am different than I was before that day. I choose not to be bitter, I choose to realize the people who attacked us are burdened with the heaviness of hate. I choose to use our situation to do much like you did... educate with love and compassion. Some days that is a harder choice than others, but it is the only choice I believe will be effective in the long run. As a mom, I just wanted to reach out to you. I know how you are feeling. 100% I know. If you want to talk, if you want me to listen, if there is ANYTHING I can do to support you and your family, please let me know. Just so you don't think I am some crazy stalker (well, crazy knowing me... if you think I am crazy later at least you will have reason!) Here is a video of my sons responding to the violence at our home. We made the video to help the boys take back some power and deal with the situation, in the end I think we achieved our goal. https://www.facebook.com/everyonematters/posts/593693104003916God bless,Anne Hollis

PS... Ellen, I fully admit to being a stalker of your blog and think you are awesome. Keep up the good work!

Wonderful letter from an awesome mom!!! I too have a son with autism, Johnny is the sweetest young man. We were recently on vacation and he and his twin sister got into a little spat about who was going to sit down while we waited for our pizza (only one chair was available) - a couple and their child were sitting at a table next to where this was going on....he chuckled a little at seeing what was going on then almost immediately apologized for laughing, of course I told him "no big deal". His son then asked about Johnny, who at this point was stimming and flapping - I went on to explain that he was just like every other kid - he just doesn't always think or act the way others do. They were very nice and asked other questions. I wish more people could take the time to understand we are ALL different in our own little ways......

I hope the children in the family of the hateful letter writer....learned something and not from the parents this time. I wonder if the parents are even allowing the responses to be open to the children to know about. Of course kids have a way of finding out things anyway.....don't they? Unless they are imprisoned inside of their home, their classmates and friends will reveal things that may be hidden... ;+). This time, that is a good thing and maybe the only truth they will hear.

What possible reason would they have for doing that? If you think they are seeking attention, then I can tell you as the mother of a child with autism that people with ASD already get too much attention -- of the negative kind!

Whoever wrote that awful letter will obviously never be half the person that your son is. The funny thing is that that person will never understand that. Your son is lucky to have such a wonderful mom and you are lucky to have him as well. This comes from the proud aunt of a handsome, funny, cool, adorable, autistic beautiful boy.

My son is 21 with autism. He has taught me more about God and faith in Him than many years at any bible college. He is my refining fire and I am so grateful that he has broken down my pride and ignorance and made me the person that God designed me to be!

Thank you so much for your bravery and grace under pressure. For better or for worse, you were somehow challenged and forced to have to speak for the rest of the ASD society and you did so eloquently. My son is 14 and is on the spectrum and luckily, we have never been tested with this kind of hatred. I hope he never faces it, but I'm not naive. As long as people are ignorant and intolerant, we will see this kind of hatred. All we can do is kill em with kindness and teach our kids love and understanding. Peace,Lisa in Michigan

Way to go Karla and Max! My nephew is autistic, and I would not tolerate hearing about such hate for someone so close. I would have had a melt down and likely not accomplished anything. In your calm, reasonable state you have reached mo people than you would have in tr ying to convince the idiot who had the gall to make such a gut wrenching suggestion.

Thank you for posting this, I am so sorry that someone was that insensitive and idiotic to have the gall to do something like that. The way that you have handle this should be commended. You are a wonderful person and Max is too. Don't let anyone tell you different. I have a 12 yr. old son who is autistic. I too used to get horrible looks and comments when being at the market or other public venues. When he would get excited he would squeal which of course people would stare and a few would mumble that I should discipline him. When he started school the bullying was worse and he had several trips to the E.R. because of it. We changed schools and things were better for awhile.

I have no children, nor do I want any. I like my quiet, and as much as I love my niece and nephews...they give me a headache. That said, that hateful woman is the one who should not be living among "normal" people. I applaud you for responding for her ignorance, hate, and vitriol with class, dignity, and respect. Your son is far better off than hers…because what real chance do they have in life being raised by such a despicable human being. All the best to you and your loving family.

Congratulation Karla for being classy in a so hard situation! Loved your answering letter!!! Sometimes is so hard to keep smiling and maturely answering to people that are so mean. My sweet 5 years old doesn't have yet a diagnosis, but as her parents we know that "something" is there... The hardest part are some grownups that just choose to call her rude, noisy and stubborn; some of them told us that maybe is not her place between NT kids. My child is sweet and very sociable, and is breaking my heart that some grownups do not want to give her a chance. Like all parents we have dreams for our little monkey and, despite the tears and the pain, we'll not gonna stop fighting for her rights. All I can hope is that I will have the strength to keep "fighting" with the same grace and kindness that you showed in your letter. Positive thoughts and much love to you and your precious family!!!

As a parent of an autistic daughter myself, I was absolutely appalled to read about that letter that you received. I put myself in your shoes, and I could still only imagine a fraction of the hurt that those words caused. I applaud your reaction in showing the blessings in autism, and not stooping to such a low level. Having a child with autism has it's hurdles for certain, but the pure joy my daughter shows me each and every day makes it all worth it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

Awesome, awesome response! I believe God gave you the right comeback to this situation. I also have a son (almost 21 now!) on the autism spectrum and what you say about your son teaching you about what is really important in life is SO true! It's the simple things and accomplishments that mean the most. My son is the exact same way if he sees me upset; he hugs me and gets me a tissue and says "It'll be alright Mom!" What more could a mother ask from her child than to be a loving human being! I think you and your family and all the other great neighbors you have will help the world learn from this. I'm just SO sorry you have had to endure such acidic words. I pray for healing for everyone and enlightenment for all of us. I believe God does give us our special children to help teach the world to love and accept one another...differences and all. God bless you and your family and neighbors!

As the father of a 12-year old autistic daughter, I can only say God bless you for all that you do for Max. I love my Grace too, and I think your response to that hurtful letter filled with vitriol and misunderstanding shows the calm and strength a parent of an autistic child must posses to survive. Stay strong!

Your son is beautiful; inside and out. I can see the pure love on his face in your picture. I commend you for your classy and intellectual response. I am sorry you received such hate, by such a cowardly person, but I am happy to see you persevere and keep in mind what's really important: love, family and happiness. My best wishes to your family.

a great letter from a great mother.........God only knows why this is happening....autistic children do understand what is happening around them,so please,we should act and treat them just the same like others....

Beautiful post! I have a nephew on the spectrum who is married and just had his first baby. Anything is possible! If it would help anybody, I want to mention that I stumbled across a phone app, AutoVerbal, that's a talking soundboard app from No Tie Software. It's pretty cheap ($30)comapred with equipment that does similar functions and this is just an app for a smartphone, which eliminats any stigma some people on the spectrum may have for carrying around bulky speech equipment. I don't work for them or anything; I just though that was a pretty clever idea that can help non-verbal folks of all sorts communicate better.

God has changed me for the better when he gave me Daniel, now 17 as of yesterday. Daniel is non-verbal but loves to 'sing', he gets so happy when I join in his melodies with the words of the song. Psalm 98:4 says : Make a joyful Noise unto The Lord. And that's what Daniel does!

Beautifully written response. My grandson is autistic; his mom (my daughter), had a rare lung disease and died 9 years ago, so my mother and I have taken care of him ever since.

I remember the early years with Corey. People could be so cruel, and my precious daughter would cry after we would be on an outing where someone had said unkind things or given us dirty looks. I kept saying that I was going to get a shirt for Corey saying "I have autism...what's YOUR problem?" In the past couple of years, Corey has blossomed...so much so that he has started college this year - a dream his mother prayed for all the time. He'll never be able to tie his shoes, drive a car, or a lot of things people take for granted. But this is huge, as it is his desire to become a youth minister to help others who are misunderstood and mistreated by people who are just uneducated or unfeeling. We don't know where Corey's journey will end up taking him, but we feel blessed as this is a miracle as far as we're concerned, as Corey was non-verbal for many years. I truly believe his faith is the driving force, and I know his mom is beaming in Heaven as she sees our bright and shining star. Our church has always rallied around Corey, so much unlike the one we were attending when he was born. I had felt led to leave, and I know it was God's choice of the church we started attending. His high school classmates were supportive, another thing we didn't always have, either, in some points of his life. I so wish that people could know that they can make a difference in our children's lives - in either a very positive or very negative way. Corey's feeling of acceptance, in spite of his outbursts or "meltdowns" as we call them, encouraged him to continuing to reach for the stars. And in reaching, he became a star himself. No matter where his journey leads him, I know he will never be alone, as He is one of God's special children. Prayers to you and your precious children.

Hats off to ALL the parents who take good care of their Autistic children. The love and the care these kids need, and is given by their parents is almost unimaginable. My thoughts and prayers are with all these families.Jim and Karla, be strong. I would like to let you know that every civilized human being in this world is with you. The disrespectful psychos letter should mean nothing to you while we all are standing with you. Kudos to your response. Great job. Good luck to you and to Max.

I myself have 4 children with aspberger's syndrome. I have tried to teach them to ignore the unkind comments others make. If the need arises, that is when I step in and speak to those whom may have made unkind comments.

It makes my stomach turn just knowing a grown adult wrote a hateful letter like this. I dont have a special needs child but. I have a 10year old daughter and her bestfriend is special needs child my daughter stands right by her friends side and sticks up for her. My daughter one day came up to me and was upset and had tears in her eyes and told me that she was being picked and bullied because of her friend and my daughter said kelly will always be my bestfriend she said people who bully and pick on me are just jealouse because kelly is my best friend. My daughter said mom kelly is no diffrent then anyone else.

People now days are ignorant. The person who wrote this letter there kids are going to grow up and be direspectful just like there parents.

Is there a way I could connect with Karla also? I also have 2 sons on the spectrum, Jarom who is 14 and Christopher who is 12, and I am also dealing with multiple sclerosis. I would love to talk to her!

I am in a chapter that is call People First of Marshall Mo. and People First of Missouri also ( A Self-Advocacy Organization for people with disabilities ) for the past 22yrs and we are teaching people that people with a disability can live like others do in this world in a difference way but still have a life to live. We are human being first and our disability is second to us. People with disability can live in the community like other people can. that was wrong for that lady to write that letter to you before she got to know your son and how he was and you would not got that letter at all. John Burriss of Marshall, Mo.

I have yet to meet a perfect person in this world, and I doubt I ever do. We have a very large family, and I have 3 cousins who are Autistic, one severly, 2 not as much so. I don't think I could have been as calm, cool, and collected as this mom has been if someone were to write a letter like that to one of their moms. What a very classy lady. The "person" who wrote that original letter should be ashamed of themselves.

I have a brother like Max and my brothers name is even max but u know what theres people in todays world that are just right down mean and full of so much hate. People with special needs are still People and should be treated like people too, I have special needs Im LD which means I have a learing disa..... which means I don't learn stuff as fast as kids my age and all the way through school I got made fun of from school bullies and I hated that. people who treat others wrong are just right down mean a bully themselves god bless your son Max and your Family love and god bless from Indiana <3

It breaks my heart to read that awful and mean letter. What kind of wounded heart does that woman have? I would've cried my eyes out had someone sent me a letter like that. Karla you are a strong and wonderful mother. God bless you. I am amazed at your grace :)

THESE PEOPLE OF GOD THEY WELL NEVER SIN WILLING AND THEY WILL GOT TO BE WITH GOD IN HIS HOUSE FOR EVER . MORE THEN I CAN SAY ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT WROTE THE LETTER. THEY WERE NO EVEN BREAVE ENOUGH TO SIGH THEIR NAME SO WHO IS MESSED UP THIS CHILD OF GOD OR THE ONE WHO WROTE THE LETTER????

True, educating children and parents about differences and tolerance is so crucial. My son is 12 and I have had to do that with every neighbor, friend, coworker and family member. Once you talk freely about it you remove the fear and open up opportunities. There will always be ignorant hateful people who will not get it, and scared children who are not willing to risk putting their necks out for your child's friendship, even if they secretly want to. And that's ok. Some adults and kids have an inability to open their hearts to something they do not understand - that's their disability. It's not my job to cure them or help them, I have my own child's challenges to work through and his ability to be amazing keeps me focused. I would rather spend my energy there and with the people I meet who have the ability to see past the quirks, tics, and awkward speech or behavior to the funny, loving, smart child underneath. Sounds like you do as well. Sending my best to all those who strive for acceptance and love. It's out there if we keep seeking it out!

I rather have a feeling that the person/persons that pinned that letter, may not know God and what he does in our lives. I have 2 sons and 4 grand children all healthy, but I volunteered in a home for special needs children and let me say even if they were non verbal they knew when you loved them and helped them. They have more love to give than most "regular" children because God made them that way. I will never forget their hugs when they saw you, so very special!

This is beautiful. Don't let the letter writer get to you, they're the one with the "disability." You have such a clear vision, love, and understanding - I think everyone could use a little more of that. God bless you and Max!

I HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT WAS BORN WITH ONE ARM. SHE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL ONE DAY CRYING BECAUSE KIDS WERE MAKING FUN OF HER AND I TOLD HER THEY WERE THE ONES WITH THE DISABILITY AND IT WAS THEIR BRAIN,WHICH WOULD AFFECT THEIR INTIER BODY

First, I must say. God bless you and your family. The woman that wrote that horrible letter will have her judgment day. In Gods eyes we are all children of him. God, may have given us special needs people, but in gods eyes their bodies are only temporary and their spirits are whole. Your young son and your family has more of a whole spirit then the nasty woman behind that letter will ever have. If someone can write what she has written, then god have mercy on her soul. She will have to answer to the true judge in eternity. Your son, is a gife from god and he intended for him to be this way, as he has a wonderful purpose for him along with his earthly family. people with special needs are the most amazing people. they have the gift of true love, pure hearts, godly souls and the innocents this world has missed since jesus left the earth. may god continue to bless ur family and god bless Max.

I absolutely love that she was able to write this letter in such a positive light but as a mother myself I also hope that there is some recourse for the family to the woman that wrote the nasty letter to begin with. That is ignorant thinking and unacceptable... there are no other words, just unacceptable! The only thing that goes through my head is "what comes around...." she has spread hate and is obviously teaching her children hate! What would happen if, heaven forbid, one of her children had a disabled child later in life?? We must ALL learn to spread LOVE not hate! We have a lot to learn as a society and it saddens me that these types of people even exist today, I would have thought that in 2013 we would have become a better people :( God bless this family and their strength to have to deal with this ignorance and thank God there are more people that understand than there are that choose to hate!

Love what you had to say. I understand people can be so rude and, not understanding. I wouldnt even worry about it. I know you boy sill find someone to love him for him., he sounds like a joy to be around.

You are a wonderful mother and you have a beautiful son. You refer to him as a child with autism and I like that. I am a retired special educator, and one of the first things we learned in college is that, as you said, they are people first. Not a Down Syndrome girl, but a girl "with" Down Syndrome, a boy "with" Cerebral Palsy, and so on. People first. After working with these young individuals for 18 years, I've come to love and respect them. We used to have so much fun in the classroom. May God bless you and your family.

Gerald. Such hate motivated people wont' be around forever. Suppose this person claims to be a christian. Christ will clear such people out. Your son has the hope of being healed by christ. Of course all of us need his kingdom. We have to get out of false religion with its many bad practices. If I meet your son, i'd give him a hug and a smile. All precious children need love as you show. Hope the best for your family.

God Bless you and and your family.I read that evil letter that that women wrote in reference to your son and the tears couldn't stop flowing from my eyes . I thought how thoughtless and inconsiderate this woman was . Her letter was so disturbing and hurtful. That was indeed a cowardly act. I was also thinking and this woman has kids oh my goodness I hope she don't pass this hate on to her children, because that sort of negative behavior is so contagious. Believe you me it's enough hate in the World already.Karla I hope this woman reads your letter and do some soul searching .Your response to this woman and all the people who think and act like was excellent.

My family loves you and Max. What good is he?! He has been a blessing to this world, showing us that we need more kindness, patience, and acceptance. Thank you Max, for being here on this earth with all of the rest of us! It wouldn't be the same without you. May God bless you and your family with nothing but kindess and happiness!

God bless you and your son Max, I hope they find a cure for Autism soon. I was born with a large Birthmark on my face and had a hard time going through school. People would ask if I was in a fire Or some rude friends would call me red Face. I met a wonderful woman and we raised two great children. You keep up the faith.

God bless you and your family , including Max. There is too many hateful people in this world , unfortunately . Ignore them , my dear, they are the one that suffer being hateful, vindictive and downright ugly. You have a beautiful son and generous wonderful soul, great hubby and dad - enjoy your life and be happy . Those people do not deserve a minute of your time .

You have an amazing attitude about the whole ordeal. I am the parent of a child with Cerebral Palsy. He is 19 now, not so much a "child" anymore, but always will be to me. We have endured uncomfortable dining situations at restaurants and in other situations over the years also due to the fact that he is in a wheel chair and unable to feed himself and sometimes laughs and speaks too loudly. Same closed mindedness, just slightly different situations. I remember when I first heard the story of this letter. I was honestly infuriated that someone would have the audacity to even write such a thing, but then to deliver it! I can understand why their child might be "frightened" by the noises, but here in lies a teachable moment. That child was robbed of that opportunity to not only learn tolerance for differences, but now they are one more closed mind coming up in the education system that may miss out on the opportunity to make a new friend. Bless you for having the patience and compassion to take the high road, it can sometimes be a difficult path to walk when our children are attacked in such a heartless manner.

i truly feel sorry for this wonderful mother and wonderful child, max. the person that wrote the letter is the essence of the scum of this earth. and to for the mother to not lower herself to a volley of insults, is amazing. she is what this world needs more of. i wish the very best for max and momma! love people like you two!!! :)

I can not believe someone would write a letter like this. Kids are kids be thankful you still have your child with you there are a lot of parents that wish they could have there child with them today but don't and will never see them again. God Bless You and your family.

Good for you Mom ... and that's wonderful everyone around you is supporting you. Be aware of that wolf in sheeps clothing however, now that this has gone viral, whoever wrote that note is going to be freaking out someone will find out. EVENTUALLY ... until then, God Bless you and your sweet boy!!!

When I first saw the letter posted a couple weeks ago, I was outraged! euthanize those with Autism?! Really?! I have news for the person who wrote the letter. I AM AUTISTIC! I am very low on the spectrum but still! I live my life to the fullest and I don't let it get to me. Not only that, I took care of an autistic adult! He's probably a bit further up in the spectrum than Max but he's been getting better with his speech. He's finally to the point of being able to ask who what where why and how questions without prompts. Autistic children and adults can be very smart. So, to the neighbor who wrote the hate letter, you have no idea how much of a commotion you have just caused and how much I really don't like those who think we are just a waste of space. Obviously you don't have the decency to think before you act. To Max's mother, you are doing the right thing by going to the press about this matter and I commend you for it. Keep encouraging Max to communicate and live his life to the best of his ability.

I believe that letter is just something that just shows stupidy whoever wrote it. I think kids with autism are AOK by me. I don't see anything wrong with it. I can feel what you're going through. I have had experiences with my autism abd I never knew it and my case of it is pretty mild from most. I remember going to some special school with mostly retarded kids which I wasa lot smarter than they were. I even went to Stanford University to go through tests and they never knew wether I had autism or not I was pretty much of a savant in which I could fight out of the autism I never knew I had. I attended the same High School as that of Suzanne Somers and Keith Hernandez and I graduated there in 1974. I even went to a Junior college and had a hard time of it. It was hard for someone like me to fit in and I know I won't give up on it. Things do get better if you set your mind to it and work toward that goal. It is possible to achieve it. Thank you.

I have to wonder whether they caught whoever wrote that awful letter. that letter is a cowardly act and it is a shame to even write such a letter. everybody has a life and have the right to live it to the fullest. We should all live live life every day to the fullest and that includes Max Begley and the rest of his family. To Karla and Jim, You should live every day to the fullest. We should be proud to hear of your son Max and may achieve something he really wants. I feel for Max. Thank you

It's been over two months now and I have to wonder if the person who wrote that letter has admitted to it and as it turns out whoever wrote the letter would never admit to it choosong to be a coward and I mean it. Those that like to hurt others will deny it and are cowardly when they do it. Autism is still AOK by me and it should be AOK by the rest of us in the community. For those that can't, won't and don't are bothered by it and will let it bother them so much hat they won't be able to stand it. ACCEPT AUTISM AS A NORM of accept the consequences for the unacceptance. Thank you

Your children are blessed with a wonderful mother, and you are blessed with wonderful children. May God continue to bless the world with wonderful, strong, loving and courageous people like you and your family always. You've got the world's support and love behind you.

Hi. I'm the single mom of an autistic (almost) 7 year old. (She has a countdown on her chalkboard) she was also diagnosed this summer with frontal lobe focal seizures. Its been a hard road for Makenzie and I doing it mostly on our own. I was lucky that my sister is a TSS and was able to assist me with her disruptive behavior disorder which cut out the need to have an in-home TSS. she is quite low on the spectrum with a diagnosis of PDD NOS. she's very excited to start 1st grade next week. (And so is grandma! It's been a loooong summer!) We have had our share of ignorance and we lost close family members when I caught an adult cousin smacking her in the back of the head and calling her a retard. This didn't sit well with me. It wasn't long after she was diagnosed. If I remember correctly I believe she was three or four. I often let my emotions get the better of me and I don't always engage my brain before opening my mouth. Especially when it comes to defending my child who doesn't know to defend herself. And she shouldn't have to, neither should I. Of angers me that people who have children that are not so "perfect" themselves can judge other people's children. She may not be "perfect" to everyone else. But she's my baby, and I taught her respect and compassion, to always say please and thank you and to help others then they need it. My makenzie is one of the most loving, caring, accepting and imaginative little girls I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I couldn't imagine her being any other way. Not even "normal" She wouldn't be Makenzie if she were any different. We Ginger mothers of autism look to the ones who have been doing it longer for courage, strength and inspiration to get up tomorrow and keep moving forward. To keep our children learning and growing and smiling in a world that accepts them for the wonderfully amazing little spirits they are. Thank you for the courage you've shown having to defend your son. You should of never had to defend him. Keep being the amazing mom you've been and a great advocate for your son! Thanks and god bless!

Honestly, we shouldn't feel bad about people who can't respect autistic people as they are just publicizing their IGNORANCE by opening their mouths! May God bless all the kids with special needs, I have a lot of members in my family that are Autistic, Dyspraxic and Dyslexic and I believe that each and every one of the kids that have special needs are gifted and really talented. If people can't respect that then there will come a time when they will suffer and that's when they'll know what its like to be in your shoes. MGBU! :)

I am just curious to know ..What kind of mother could even write a "nasty" letter like that. I feel sorry for her Children, Not karla's children, they are loved and well taken care of by a most amazing mother :)

I have a child with Autism and I know what people will say or think is very cruel sometimes. They truly never try to understand the child or understand what happens in the mind of a child with Autism. I believe more education needs to happen to explain the differences instead just taking the easy way with being hateful. Children with Autism are truly amazing beings and honestly we all have quarks and sensory issues and at any moment could become disabled. I am grateful you put this letter out their to bring light on this type of hatred. I believe this will bring good and pray your surrounded by love from all over the world and moms who fight every single day to help their child with Autism adapt to this world and grow. Minnesota Mom in your corner. Jacqueline

I have a question how do we know that people with autism are not the normal ones and us so called normal ones are not the ones with special needs I hate to tell everyone but kids and adults with autism ate the most kind caring loving sweethearted life this earth will ever see they don't judge you buy your skin color our haircut or what kind of close you have on all the care about is that you don't trite them any different then you would the next person so that is why I think us so called normal people are the ones with special needs because we can't look past what's on the out side before we can see what on the inside and what is on the inside is the only thing that matters to people with atuism

Hi just wanted to say that this really helped me,cuz I am not reaaly good with people with disability,they scare me,but reading this made me realize that yes we are all people whom GOD made in a very special way,uniquely and wonderfully made,we should never look down on nobody,rather we should look up and be thankful for what the Lord has blessed us ,I pray that the Lord may give you streghth to fulfill your sons life...to give joy and happiness to its fullest ,from a friend in the Lord,

everyone is beautiful in their own way. instead of judging, you should get to understand them and understand why they do the things they do! accept everyone for their differences because that's what makes them different and special!

Karla, what I noticed is that you say nothing of the challenges you incur daily as a result of your own health, instead your concern is all about your beautiful child. If my Mother were alive she would tell you to consider the source (anonymous is synonymous with cowardice). Keep up the good work and know you are an instrument of God, doing his work on earth.Paula former Social Worker and Great Aunt of two autistic young men.

I am a 26 year old man and I am reduced to tears after reading this. They aren't tears of pity for Max or his wonderful mom, I am just incredibly sad that some of us human beings sometimes forget to be just that 'Human'. I am overwhelmed with what Karla has to say about Max. It would be an honor to know & be friends with such a wonderful boy. But more then anything I am grateful to Karla for teaching me "Instead of glares, I wish people would give smiles" its a very small gesture, a smile but it could mean so much to someone. I will forever remember this Karla. I will always try to give a smile, just our way of telling moms and Special children around the world that we understand and we love you. My prayers with your always.

I love my autistic son who is only 3. Reading this makes me angry at how little understanding people have of children with special needs. Children with special needs don't ask to be this way. My son is non verbal and he tries so hard to talk but he can't. I still love my son and am very proud of him. I couldn't imagine him any other way.

I Have a daughter with autism she smart funny loving an just a joy ta b around.u let god take care of them cowards.hold your head up sister let young max continue ta live his life.he will b just fine trust me prayer works...........

As a father of a child on the Autism Spectrum, these type of occurrences really make me angry. Please not, I am not saying, "frustrated," etc. I am really angry about this. The absolute ignorance and hate is intolerable. We are talking about a child...someone's child -- who is perfect in their eyes. I'm not sure the authorities will ever be able to find out who wrote it, but I do take solace in the fact God knows who wrote it. I also firmly believe in what goes around, comes around.

As his parents, please take heart in the incredible response and support you have received from other parents of special needs kids as well as just normal folks who agree that this type of behavior is WAY outside of social norms and should not be tolerated.

You have the undying respect and support from my wife and I. We have two children with special needs and we are fortunate enough to live in a community that embraces who they are and have many members who accept them for all their idiosyncracies. Its days like the one you experienced that only harden the resolve that we as parents have to fight for tolerance and equality. The sad thing is that neither of my boys know how to hate or be bigoted. Its a learned behavior. They only know the world they live in and if you continue to surround Max with love and positivity, he'll be better for it. He's already better than those who despise him for what he is rather than who he is.

My heart went out to your family when I heard about that letter.I have a 39 yr. old brother with Asperger's. He's had his share of challenges, but I am so proud of what he has accomplished. I have worked for years with kids with Autism and dual diagnoses. Part of that work has been running an autism respite program for preschoolers. Parents of kids with autism need that kind of support so much. I recently stopped work, in order to take care of young lady with severe autism and developmental delays. She is with me each week for about a 65 hour period. I am seeing a small piece of what her parents have lived and continue to live in their daily life with her. I see how they are trying to plan for her future as she nears the age when government funding will be reduced. Please know that their are many people who do care. Way to go Max for making your noises that have drawn attention to the need for more public education about Autism. Shame on the letter writer. All I can hope is that this will be a learning experience for her and her children and that she will have the courage to give you a sincere apology. Max is lucky to have such a loving family.

My initial response was, "What a horrible person that neighbour is" and than I started thinking about her "normal" children. How normal can they be with a parent who reacts to anything outside her comfort zone with such vitriolic fear, anger and antagonism? I actually feel sorry for them. Life is going to be tough when they have no alternative in school/activity groups/part-time jobs other than to behave appropriately after having had a childhood infused with her attitudes.

I am a sociologist/theolgian with an interest in disability issues and I have a blog where I posted about this hate mail letter on August 20, 2013.

you can find it by searching flanoor blog as two keywords on google/bing.

the address is

flanoorpages.blogspot.com

This post, and a follow up, are the two most visited pages on my blog. I feel strongly that we can and should do better for those with disabilities...and my blog is an attempt to raise the issue. So, if you are interested, please check out my offering.

I am glad that Max and his family have had such a strong and positive response.

As the big sister of an amazing 23 year old who happens to have autism, I was astonished to read the letter you received. To say I was very upset would be a gross understatement. Reading your response, I was encouraged to know that others have the same fears and concerns that my family and I have and have dealt with the same kinds of prejudices that we have. Please know that my family has kept you in our prayers. We, along with the rest of the autism community, stand behind you as you encourage, cheer on, and sometimes cry for your children. -Sarah Miles

i am proud to stand by u in this i have 3 cousins with 3 different forms of autism and a husband who is so high functioning they never caught it but i did and its not true he will meet the right girl one day and she will care for him as much as u do. ignore the letter cause non of it was true

At first I actually believed this letter was really from a neighbor but since the police have investigated and found no leads I am beginning to wonder. Maybe this letter is like the mother who claimed some man in walmart knocked a pink headband off her son's head and called him a fag when in reality the mother invented the entire situation to get attention.

As for the remark ellen made about telling the guy in mcdonald's that he should be happy max was only kicking his seat instead of having a screaming meltdown, this is exactly why people with special needs are not welcomed in public. Why should everyone around you be forced to accept either a seat being kicked, a screaming hissy meltdown, throwing food, or any other intrusive behaviour? We owe you nothing yet you all act as if we should scrape and bow because of special needs but then demand to be treated normally. You need to remember that everyone else should not have to cater to you.

We are not asking to be catered to. Instead, we want you to understand that it can be hard for us to express our emotions because they are so strong. Again, we never said that you owe us anything. All we want is respect and acceptance. Our intrusive behaviors derive from a melting pot of emotions and sendory overload. Stop acting this way towards people like us and have an open mind, open arms, and an open heart. Thank you.

Karla, Your response is such an inspiration as are you. When my daughter was non verbal and not communicating it was so hard. Whenever she did something to get my attention (which could have included blowing an air-horn if one was available, I would be filled with tears of joy that she was out of her world and in a world with me included.Finally communicating. It was so incredible when she finally started engaging with us in any way possible. So many may not get it, but the ones that do REALLY do. You are truly a hero for the way you have handled this and I hope many people really hear you! My mom had MS and you are dealing with that also!! I can't even imagine what some days are like for you. When I was little and my mom wobbled sometimes strangers would think she had been drinking and pass judgement. I was little and it made my mom so sad.Now people pass judgement on my daughters(two with ASD), and or that I must be parenting them horribly. It's all about acceptance and realizing we are all on this planet together.. compassion first!!! I pray as time goes my girls and your sons will grow up in a more tolerant world. You have such Grace, and it is so honorable how you handled this.what a good example you are to all of us. Your children are so lucky..sending prayers for peace and healing Tina

My wife and I were so upset by that letter. We are the parents of a beautiful 4 y/o boy diagnosed on the spectrum and to hear of someone being so insensitive and so ignorant is absolutely abhorrent. Karla you certainly are more graceful than I. I am sure I would have hunted that person down and blasted them for their ignorance. While finding out of our sons disability and unsure of how to handle it all, we are certainly better off and blessed to have him in our lives. Our son also does not speak, but he is certainly able to communicate and does so when he wants to. For someone to tell us that our son would not be loved or live a full life is crazy. To say that someone should euthanize a child because of their disability could only mean that person is soul less. While the future is uncertain and does scare us, we are sure he will be ok. Stay strong. Being disabled your self I am sure you are probably used to people being insensitive. We wish you and family the best.

Bravo for writing a dignified, sensitive, and thought-provoking response to a sadly ignorant, insensitive, cruel letter. I think this is the only way to enlighten those who just do not get it. All the best wishes to you and your family.