A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.

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Surprise, surprise… The vast majority of people think that anyone in
marketing/advertising/PR, is a total wanker. Who’da thunk that? A
recent study by Adobe (who’s brilliant TV campaign I shall be talking about
on Monday) came up with these staggeringly unsurprising facts… Only 13% of
respondents thought marketing delivered any benefit to society. Marketers
provided less value than politicians (Yes, fucking scum bag politicos are held
in higher regard than us!) People prefer ads delivered in traditional forms,
print, TV, etc. Only 2% said they prefer ads in social media and not one fucker
said they like ads in an app. And here’s the best fucking bit… Companies
investing in branded social-media sites should also pay attention to this
finding:Just 2% of respondents believe
information about a brand from a company's social-media site is
credible. So,whatever the self professed “Social Media Gurus'” tell
you, they are talking through their arse. But then readers of AdScam already
knew that!

It’s a well known fact that most of the people in advertising are wankers.
Whilst if they are senior management of a BDA and BDHC, they are most definitely
AdHo’s. But occasionally some of us get together and do something worthwhile for
society in general. It gives us something to talk about while scarfing a couple
of dozen Belons washed down with a gallon or two of Montrachet at Balthazar. So,
I was pleasantly surprised to come across this rather splendid piece of
film created by some of the lads at Goodby, Silverstein + Partners. Take
note. This is not a GS+P production, and is purely a personal effort put
together by the following.

Words: Jeff Goodby. AD: Rich Silverstein and Tim Green. Music: David
Michel-Ruddy. Cast: Local kids bribed with candy and lots of booze (Just kidding
on the last bit, Jeff!)

Watch it and compare it to most of the abysmal shit we are currently
subjected to during this election cycle.

It’s official. The Mayans, Aztecs, Sopranos, or whoever the fuck it was that
forecast the end of the world sometime round about now… Got it right. Last
night, Apple
announced disappointing third quarter earnings… That’s right –
Disappointing and Apple – In the same fucking sentence. And
you can’t blame the AppleTards for this state of affairs, ‘cos the reason the
numbers didn’t meet expectations wasn’t because people weren’t buying Apple
iShit, it was because all those poor fuckers in Bangladesh making iShit for a
bowl of rice a day… Couldn’t make the iShit fast enough to meet the AppleTard
demand. I believe in economics it’s call “Supply & Demand.” Steve would
understand it… Time to give the iCloud a call?

Hey, I don’t want anyone out there to think I’ve got some kind of vendetta going
on about Facebook in general, and Zuckernozzle in particular… Who me? But you
have to read
this over at Forbes. A Bulgarian blogger by the name of, Bogomil
Shopov, who I am pretty sure is not related to Faris
Yacob, just bought ONE POINT ONE MILLION FACEBOOK NAMES FOR FIVE
FUCKING DOLLARS. As expected, Facebook issued this lamo fucking statement. ”We
have dedicated security engineers and teams that look into and take aggressive
action on reports like those raised here. Since this is ongoing, we are not in a
position to discuss the investigation at this time.” How the fuck does
Facebook keep getting away with this shit. Anyway, I can’t think of one point one people on
Facebook I want to know, let alone 1.1 fucking million!

Looks like the Poisoned Dwarf is blaming WPP’s pathetic third quarter results on
four “Grey Swans.” Or something equally esoteric and fucking weird. You can read
all about it on Media
Daily News. It makes no fucking sense, maybe Lady Sorrell got confused
whilst reading “Fifty Shades of Grey” one steamy evening at the
Gramercy Park Love Nest. If he wants to work a sensible reference to Swans in
his rants, why doesn’t His Gnomeship take ten minutes to read David’s classic ad from many years
ago. Truly a lesson in perfect writing.

Now that Wall Street has wet its pants for two days in a row, ‘cos Facebook lost
less money than expected selling crappy ad space on mobile devices, it’s worth
taking the time to read Derek Thompson’s excellent piece “The Dark Side of
Facebook’s Triumphant Day,”over
at the Atlantic. As he points out… Mobile advertising -- the elusive golden
snitch of the social media biz -- increased infinity percent (that's a real
statistic!) from $0.00 a few months ago to $153 million in the last quarter.
Which means: Facebook is now on
pace to make more than $1 billion in the next year from a business that
didn't exist in 2011. His final paragraph sums the current fucked up thinking on
Wall Street perfectly… Facebook and Google face the same problem. They're
trying to figure out how to make money in a mobile world where screens are too
small for ads to be beautiful and customers are too reluctant to share
information for ads to be actually useful. In the long run, anything can happen,
and I'm not one to bet against the smartest engineers and executives in the
world. But for now, in the early years of the smartphone, the guys
making mad money off mobile aren't in Mountain View or Palo Alto. They're in
Cupertino.
Too fucking true on that!

Over at AdAge, they
are having a poll to celebrate Proctor & Gamble’s 175 year anniversary
(Fuck, can you imagine how many focus groups they've done in that time?) They
are asking readers who is the No 1 P&G brand ambassador of all time… Mr.
Clean, or Mr. Whipple… Here’s my comment…

Mr Whipple by a long way... Longest running Commercial character ever...
32 years... Played by the SAME ACTOR... Who was also a well decorated fighter
pilot ace for the Canadian Royal Air Force during the Battle of Britain in WWll.
Yes... Mr. Whipple shot down Messerschmitt’s for crying out loud... Mr. Clean is just a fucking
CARTOON that mops floors!!!

It's all in "Confessions of a Mad Man.” As all loyal AdScamers well know. Mr.
Clean is a fucking douchenozzle.

Shares of Facebook are soaring
on the German stock exchange after it was discovered that Hitler has
acquired a large number of shares in a private deal with Zuckernozzle. Rumors
that Facebook actually sold a few mobile ads are false and obviously being
generated in the hope that when the stock lockups of the guy who cleans the
toilets expire, he won’t flood the market with his ten bazillion shares. One
question remains: If Facebook did sell more advertising on mobile devices, did
anyone actually buy anything as a result?

My uber-mate, Noreen O’Leary over at AdWeek, has a post with the uber-non-wanky
title… “W+K
Plays for the Big Dough” regarding the cage match between what used to be
the best agency in the universe… Versus the worst agency in the universe… That
would be W+K versus Draft/FCB… Noreen makes the logical supposition that since
W+K won the Velveeta account, and has inflicted the “Horny Smithy” on us,
closely followed by the douchenozzle who flies model helicopters around the
mall, whilst being ogled by horny teen ladies as he eats his disgusting Mac n’
Cheese riding the escalators… W+K must be a shoe-in… Obviously, I am getting too
old to understand this shit… So, here's what I posted as a comment… Does
this mean we can look forward to the Oreo-Meister temping the mothers of America
with tasty cookies, before shagging them over his lusty forge, whilst enjoying
the golden "Cheesy Skillets" for the main course... Oh my... W+K, what have you
become? Never forget Jay's words... "I can't wait to see how big we get before
we turn to shit!" Unfortunately... "Shit Happens!" Fuck it… Time for my
post-prandial brandy.