<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr><p>"That lock-changing thing doesn't sound like such a bad idea."<p><hr></blockquote><p><br>Bad idea. It's probably not legal for you to just change the locks. She's an established resident, and just as in a landlord/tenant case, there are procedures that must be followed.<br><br>I was a doormat—off and on for about 7 years—with a girl I wanted to marry. I sure wish I had all that time back that I spent being the "good guy who always listened." I was such a dope.<br><br>

I'm saying this as my opinion. You have to accept the responsibility for what you do. We all want the best for you, but it's your life and you know better than any of us.<br><br>That being said, dude, it's time to dump that bitch. If she's using you as a way station until this other guy wants her back, oh F that! Throw her out, change the locks, nail the bank and credit card accounts and tell her she can call you from the local motor lodge. <br><br>I really want to see you guys work it out, but it sounds like she's just taking advantage of your love for her until she finds something else better. Uh uh. that's not fair to you and your daughter. <br><br>

It's different in different states. If he files a restraining order, he can change them. If she wants access to her material goods, she can set up an appointment to collect her things. He should have a witness who will observe her while she's there. <br><br>This is why it would be better to have a mover show up today, cart her crap out of there and put it in storage. <br><br>If the house is in both names, that's handled down the road. <br><br>The law says that if one party willingly leaves the property, i.e., she goes to stay with her mother, boyfriend, whoever, they don't have access to the property to freely come and go.<br>But, he'll have to check his local laws. Just calling the cops would tell him, if they know their stuff. They handle domestic stuff all the time.<br><br>

Letting go is always easier said than done. I have had to follow the restraining order, change the locks, etc. route before. It was hard to make the final decision but once I did, it was easy to follow though. I feel it made me a better person. Although it was many, many years ago, I can not even think how terrible my life would be now if I had not done it.<br><br>

Doesn't sound like he's letting go. Sounds more like he's punting her butt where it squarely needs to be. <br><br>He's more concerned about the child. There is no easy way about that. You can heap all the love you have on them, but that doesn't help them understand. <br><br>I don't think I'll ever tell my daughter what a lying, cold, hateful bitch her mother is. that's between her and I. What relationship the mother and daughter has will be built by them without my interference. Judging from experience, the mother willl posion that too. <br><br>

Wow. Some thread! And some pile of sh!t you're having to wade through. One issue I haven't seen addressed here is the nature of the relationship between mother & daughter. From what you've revealed here, it's clear your wife has little invested in the relationship with you. But what's her emotional investment with your little girl. Have you discussed this with her? Have you asked her how she might explain her actions to her child, and how that would make the child feel?<br><br>The notion of staying together for the kids' sake is bunk. A stressful marriage will do more emotional damage to a kid than a civil split will.<br><br>My .02 is — if you're going to end the marriage, sue for custody of your daughter at the same time. It doesn't seem like mom's the ideal role model and moral compass for your kiddo.<br><br>

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