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Here's a serious question. Before she was fanning herself with the cash she fans herself with her hand at [1:29]. I've noticed American women do this a lot when they cry. I'm assuming she's about to cry so she started doing this.

Why do they do fanning motion? Is it because they want to dry their eyes so that they don't ruin their makeup? Is it a social cue to others saying, "I'm crying now"? It's something I've wondered for a while.

Pretty sure when she said those exact words she meant she would share the website and the name of the charity. But she did also say she would give some to the kitchen and stuff, so yeah she seemed pretty legit.

If you watched the video and listen carefully, she says "I'll share it with everyone" after they inform her of the name of the website dedicated to the guys dead brother. Then later she says that she plans to share some of the money with the cooks. I was just clarifying, but once again I should have just kept my thoughts to myself :P

its not sick minded to be interested in death, in the past people used to come from miles away to watch a hanging, suicide, or execution. if something makes you nervous or scared don't assume its an illness or bad for you, embracing all parts of life is what gives us perspective and purpose.

The ordeal with the organ donation issue is sickening. They were going against the deceased wishes by insisting that no organs are donated. He could have saved 10 lives with his organs, but they were uppity about it. He filled it out on his license, which tells me that it was his wish for his organs to be donated. His license was also more recent than the will, and he could easily not see the loophole he created when he said he didn't want to be on life support.

I really hate it when families do this. My condolences for their loss, but please, when a loved one dies, don't spoil their memory by refusing to honor their donation wishes. Your grief is not an excuse to retain organs, especially seeing the good that they can do. This family took it way too far, not only ruining the donation process for their loved one, but also soiling it for many other folks online (if you read the thread, this is evident). Literally hundreds of lives could be lost for this.

By the way, the "life support" they spoke of is nothing of the sort. It doesn't preserve life, it just keeps the organs in an environment friendly to donation.

Its still a nice thing to do, but I don't understand a last wish in a suicide scenario. Oh well, it was a nice thing to do even though I wouldn't donate to charity for something like that when there are more needy causes.

I think you're trying to rationalize something that can't be rationalized. Yes, sitting there in relative comfort in front of your PC without any real issues, it seems like a choice. When you reach the point where ending your life is the only available option (or at least that's how it seems at the time) you're not thinking logically or making a simple decision in the way we normally think about it. That's why I find people who hark on about suicide being "selfish" to be rather full of it.

Making a statement that seeks to minimize it down to just being "a choice" is rather a crass way to pass judgement.

I think it's a powerful way for the family to create some good out of the devastating loss they have suffered. In some small way turning their tragedy into generous act and having something positive emerge. I think it's fantastic.

My uncle died 2 days ago to cancer, and he was really tired of fighting it, He asked to please stop being given hsi medication because he felt sick and groggy. He said to my aunt "please just let me die in peace".

I wasn't really close to him, but have fond memories of him. Still, you don't just move on. You learn to live with it.

I lost my growing up dog a few years ago (again, to cancer. FUCK YOU CANCER). It really hit me. I had never, ever felt so sad, devastated.
I didn't want to get up from bed. I didn't even wanted to try. You just want to cuddle and sob yourself to sleep.

Eventually you learn you can't change things, you can't take back what you said or didn't say. You accept that it ended and try to make the msot out of it (usually people like to hold on to the better memories, and some to the not so good).

I don't know enough about suicide to take any sort of stance. But im sure not everyone does it just to make life better for others. Maybe they have been honest with themselves and realize there is no way out of the situation and decide death as a means to happiness.
I lost my brother last year when his wife killed him and then killed herself in front of their children. Im sure she wasnt thinking how much they'd be better off without parents. Maybe there are more complex emotions that people experience that has little or nothing to do with any grandiose humanitarian motive?

edit: I mean "better for others" as a sole purpose rather than a rationalization

You just wait until you are suffering imprisoned in your own body every single fucking day and then say someone is selfish for killing themselves again. If anything, you are selfish for wanting someone to experience endless unbearable excrutiation just so you don't feel bad.

It's shitty, when someone dies, to accuse them of being selfish. That is most cowardly thing you can do, because that person can't even defend themselves. They're dead. And you come off as a grand dick. You don't even know what pain that guy probably went through. It's not like he just thought it would be worth a laugh.

You're very much missing the point of depression. It overrules everything - even if the person had the greatest people in their lives, if the depression was strong enough nothing can make a difference.

It's an incredibly frustrating and very hard to understand condition from the outside.

'Selfishness' is a grossly misused word. People forget that we -all- are selfish, and the manner in which it manifests is entirely subjective.

Society warps and devalues internal-human struggles. This is a realm society doesn't understand nor should it have the audacity to believe itself able to pass judgement. Especially considering how much more abstract the concept of an external societal mind is.

We can prosecute a person's actions in the context of society, but in not in the context of their state of mind.

Yes, people are socially/financially displaced if this man did take his life. But if people could find themselves emotionally displaced, they would also feel some empathy or at least respect his blight as being sad.

Thank you. I was beginning to wonder when my posts initially got downvoted. It's more selfish to force someone to suffer. I understand it's hard to know what it's like to literally not want to live anymore, ever, so much that you would do something so difficult and brave as die, but can't people at least recognize pain when they see it?

"They tell us that suicide is the greatest act of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person."

I totally see what youre saying, but telling them the website and the story and knowing she will pass it forward might get the website more attention and donations and they might be able to do something like this again because of it.

Look, if I get $500, or part of $500, because a super generous fellow died, I would be more than willing to star in the awkward promotional video for the donation site. This was the first one, I'm sure they won't film it every time. And if they do, they're giving you $500, so be happy anyway.

What exactly is your criteria for better? And better for whom? A person's brother/son died, and I'd imagine that the social experience of leaving the big tip and seeing the burst of joy from the waitress must be really cathartic for the family.

Doesn't it seem a little delusional to think that people out in the world don't agree with this guy? Why is everyone so bothered by differing opinions? It's like you are saying that you wish this was www.theworldisglitterandrainbows.com

Spinning a kind gesture in to a selfish act is confusing to me and far fetched, especially considering this circumstance. My reply was, in other words, saying I don't agree with his opinion to disagree with the original opinion.

That's what I thought at first but then again, it wasn't that bad. Only thing I would have done differently is told her straight off that it is all for her ( so she doesn't insist on sharing it, as the brother had intended - to change the life of that person, even if it's by a little bit by that sum).

You wouldn't have seen her reaction, though. She might have thought it was a mistake, or tried to return it, or torn it up, or what-have you, if she didn't know it was actually meant to be $500 for her.

I've worked at many restaurants and have never had to pool tips. I've always had to tip out a certain percentage of my own tips to bussers and hosts/hostesses but it's usually like 5-15% and then I keep the rest.

In my fairly extensive serving experience, I'd say it's far from "most" -- I only worked in one place where we pooled tips.

Everywhere else, you kept your take, and it was up to you to decide how much to tip out the bus boys and dishwashers. That system makes for a sort of self-regulating social dynamic where purely selfish people don't last long because they get non-preferential treatment from coworkers, and you end up with a pretty decent crew of people who are all willing to work as a team. I always liked that and tipped out bus boys nicely (probably because I started as one).

Yeah, the tips are basically averaged out at the end of the night. It sucks sometimes and it's great other times. As a waiter, you can easily get stuck with shitty tables and get stiffed all night while other coworkers are making bank regardless of your performance.

Wow. Not trying to diminish at all. I've just worked in a restaurant before and found myself worrying throughout the video that it wouldn't pan out the way that it was intended. I'm sorry if you were offended.

As a former dishwasher, I got a cut of the tips, as well with all the kitchen staff. But they take a certain percentage off the server's tips, pool that part up, and spread it. I know many restaurants who do the same.

Just reminds me what kind of a weird fucking tipping system there is. The idea of tipping just because is another discussion in itself but the fact that the tips are pooled.. restaurant owners got it good.. why bother paying workers normal wages when you can get customers to do it for you?

You are getting downvoted by people that have never worked in a restaurant; that is the first thing I thought of. That money is going right into the pool to be split with others. I'm definite that this is not the case for ALL facilities, but I agree with you that this popped in my mind as well.

Not a great thing to happen but so what? Why must I cry over this? Why must I feel obliged to donate? People choose to end their lives and this is somehow a good enough reason for me to give random people money?

To be fair, I'm biased against donating money anyway. I'd much rather do something than just hand out cash.

The fact that he killed himself is even more of a reason to NOT donate (i.e. I agree with you to not donate). I don't want to downplay the suicide. I just think it's ludicrous to donate money to support that 'cause'.

I read through the thread someone else posted, detailing everything from when the guy was found hanging, the hospital stay, and all that. The request in the guy's will (written long before he killed himself, I think) was to give some waiter or waitress a big ol' tip, and that's it. The whole donation aspect of it was the brother's idea alone, from what I can tell.

So, I take this as donating to the family to help them through a difficult time by helping them to do something nice to remember/honor the person they lost, rather than someone guy telling everyone to donate as soon as he kills himself.

Also, in the aforementioned thread, there is some talk of the coroner suspecting foul play... so there's that...

This looks more like they are bastardizing his last wish. You want to make this happen a bunch of times, cool, but don't try to make it go viral or some shit. This gesture was ruined by the fact they told the waitress, and obviously are promoting it so they can continue to do it. Good on them for the nice deed and all, but once would have fulfilled the dead mans wish.

You are not alone, with the explanation to the waitress, the video, the pictures, and the fact that they are asking for donations for someone who committed suicide makes this awkward and uncomfortable, the brother should show some humility and respect.

I have worked as a waitress at many restaurants and I have never had to pool tips (although I have heard of places that do that). If I were given that much as a tip I would almost certainly split it evenly with those working though...

That was really awesome of that guy wanting to give his money away like that. I really want to try this this now. I would be very picky about which server to give it to though. This would really have an impact on somebody's life.

Jesus, I cried tonight when one of my customers tipped me $50 tonight because they found out I've been saving up all summer for school in the fall and for a vacation (first one in 5 years). I couldn't imagine receiving this. My coworkers have always joked about hitting the lottery and tipping someone a ton of money randomly, at a little whole in the wall place. :) It'd be awesome.