A Jewish mom learning every day; often the hard way.

Like breaking the glass?

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned old.Which is okay. I am lucky to be getting older and only count my blessings.

But I posted on facebook that it was tough to feel celebratory when people are blowing up my country and slitting babies’ throats. A friend responded that it is “like breaking the glass under the chuppah. You can feel sad and celebrate at the same time.”

That made a lot of sense to me — but just doesn’t feel right. Somehow, I am sad about the Beit Hamikdash which feels so far away; so long ago and so far into the future (may it be tomorrow, B”H) but it doesn’t quite compete with the overwhelming joy in the here and now of a wedding.

But these attacks are here and now, not the distant past. I think this means I have to work on really feeling it when we mourn the Beit Hamikdash at weddings. I am supposed to feel that loss every single day.

But in the meantime, the thought of mourning and celebrating at the same time just doesn’t feel possible. I also am tired of the helplessness I feel sitting in the US watching and listening to the news. I want to drive to Itamar and pay a shiva call. I want to visit a hospital and look at things that turn my stomach. I want to cook for someone. Anyone.

I always feel so helpful when I cook for someone.

Today in Mommy and Me I asked my Mommies and Mes to dance to “Shalom Al Yisroel” . That felt like a something. Wishing for peace. A very small something.

I hope that as you read this that you have found the best resources out there to learn about and empathize with the daily horrors in Israel this week. But in my feeling of powerlessness, I do want to share with you some of what I feel are important reads on the situation:

3. The One Family Fund has an updated, accurate list of the wounded and who needs our prayers; http://www.onefamilyfund.org/article.asp?ID=2138. I wish the organization didn’t need to exist, and that systematic solutions for the post-traumatic-stress disorder of children could be wiped out. Until that happens, I remain in awe of the work that they do.

PLEASE PLEASE add to this list in the comments if you feel there is something that is missing. Thank G-d I no longer have to rely on American newspapers to know what is going on.

And for any of my friends and readers that are in Israel, feeling scared and angry or G-d forbid have a friend or loved one who has been hurt:

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I understand that feeling you were talking about celebrating & sad all together…so hard… and how things that are happening now as apposed to things we have been mourning for generations…A really good post… Thank you.

I can deeply relate to your pain….I’m nauseous from all the pain our People are suffering.

However, that being said we are supposed to serve Hashem with our Neshamas being B’Simcha….we are suppose to have Emunah and Bitachon that Hashem ‘let’ these things happen as part of His plan.

Perhaps, just perhaps Hashem wants ALL YIDDEN TO FEEL THE PAIN, the Naeusa and to DAVEN DEEPLY AND OFTEN…PERHAPS, just PERHAPS Hashem is tellling us we are not doing enought Histaldus in comming closer to him…..the reason we say B’Ezras Hashem, If Hashem Lets, Tefillah, and studying (especially with a Chavursa/Teacher) etc. is to build our Emunah and Bitachon muscles…..

I took the liberty of posting your earlier e-mail with the list of our injured bretherin on my website…thank you.

Enough with the wise old owl…it’s time for a good cry and Teffilah…it’s also time for me to thank Hashem for putting Imas like you in this world who can selfless feel and teach to others love and achdus for klal Yisroel.

As for me I CELEBRATE YOUR BEING BORN….without you….well, I’d be less ambitious to to do Hashem’s will and to learn as much and as often as I do…exactly how to go about this.

Steady my Friend…..you ARE a Treasure to Klal Yisroel….a modern day Queen Esther:):)