Wedding Graduate: c(oi)n:purse

Our next wedding graduate post is from Dubbs who writes about weddings (her sassy wedding in particular) and life over at c(oi)n:purse. We’ve been reading each others blogs for a while now, but I have to tell you that every email conversation I have with Dubbs reveals something new and kick-ass about her (like she wants to do flowers for peoples weddings who can’t afford it, but deserve it, for free!). So I’m very excited to give you Ms. c(oin):purse‘s wedding graduate post which is wise and honest, and well, beautiful. Take it away, lady….

Before the wedding, if anyone asked me for general advice on wedding planning, I think all I could have offered would be “Just don’t do what I do!”

The truth is that I was a mess during most of the process. All the research required, all the cool wedding ideas around the blogsphere, all the ‘requests and preferences’ from families, made me a rather overwhelmed bride. In our long (21 month) engagement journey, I learned a lot about myself that I wasn’t able to digest until after the wedding. But this stressful time endured by the hubs and I also made me realize more than ever that I’m the luckiest girl in the world.Our wedding, by some miracle, turned out to be a great success. The weather was gorgeous, the night was charged with celebration, and love (from everyone) was so thick in the air you can almost touch it. This is despite one vendor not showing up, another vendor not fulfilling their contract, the centerpieces thrown together in a hurry, the time schedule being off… etc. If an obsessive compulsive nut job like me can relish in the perfect imperfection, I promise you can too.Even though our budget was small, there were a lot of details that went into our wedding. None of it fancy, most of them homemade, but all of them personal, meaningful, and / or surely worthwhile having to us. Even though much of it were not executed as planned, or did not have the effects we hoped for, our good intentions still added up to a warmth that was widely felt. Instead of funds, we poured a ton of heart into the wedding, and it showed. We made most of our wedding decisions while putting ourselves in our guests’ shoes. After all, this day was always meant to be as much, if not more, for them as it was for us.If someone told me two months ago that our wedding would be as fantastic as it turned out, I would have never believed it. Now as an official wedding graduate, my humble advice to those seeking the same degree is to ‘dance to the beat of their own drums’.

Just because all the weddings you’ve been to include a bouquet toss, doesn’t mean you can’t skip it. And by the same token, even if all the practical brides you know pass on the designer dresses, it doesn’t mean you must too! The key is to find balance. If you can afford (in terms of time, effort, money, stress level) to splurge on your priorities and you can offset it in other places, make yourself happy and go for it. More importantly, don’t let any guilt gets to you! Be brave and define your own sanity. I wore a dress I didn’t much love purchased from BABC and altered it myself, but we spent money on a chocolate fountain! While not a budget choice, how can you argue with this face that it wasn’t the right one?So your mother in law may raise a brow (or two!) at some of your unconventional wedding decisions. Remember that they can’t see the big picture like you can. The couple’s personality infused into a wedding can make it feel much more personal, and often the smallest things contribute to that sentiment. Star Wars theme playing pre-ceremony? Check. Optimus Prime instead of ring pillow? Check. A wedding undeniably our own? Check!Married peeps (you know, like me) love to give advice, but what’s important to them does not necessarily mean it will be important to you. Some tell you the ceremony is the ultimate experience; others say the first dance is when the world seems to disappear… I didn’t have any such moments during the wedding (I have it everyday when he comes home after work instead), and I don’t feel like I missed out. I wanted all fun, no mush – and that’s exactly what I got but it was definitely no less memorable. Focus on what’s right for you!This next bit of advice is from the hubs, because he chips in every step of the way. He says you should be true to yourselves about what you want from your wedding. While we had a very guest-centric wedding, and most people claim to want the same, it isn’t necessarily right for everybody. Giving your guests the best time can conflict with many spotlight or romantic moments that define a wedding for some. Be upfront with yourself about your priorities, whether it is for you to have the most unforgettable time slow dancing to a long song with your new spouse, or for your guests to have a blast and join in the fun. One is no better than the other and your guests will love you regardless, but honesty with yourself will take you a long way.At the end of your wedding day, along with all your other days, only one thing matters about your marriage. It is the fact that you’re giddy at the thought of being with that person, and you can make that person grin like a fool with your mere presence. This is what makes me a successful bride and wife, and I wish you all my kind of success.*Images by Travis Hoehne

When I first started my business, I heard two pieces of advice repeated over and over again in photography forums online: back up your work and get business insurance. My company was in its infancy at the time, but I figured that if enough people were saying these things, there was probably a kernel of truth to it. So in the mad dash before my first big wedding, I faxed an application for business insurance and forked over a few hundred dollars for the comfort of knowing that my gear would be protected.…

Thanks for your post!! It is full of information that would have been useful BEFORE our wedding!! We didn’t anticipate that clash of priorities between throwing a fun party for our guests and having those romantic/traditional moments like dances and cake-cutting. As a result, we just jumped into our first dance and my dance with my dad, sped through the cake-cutting and garter, and nixed the mother/groom dance at the last minute — all because our guests were having fun and we didn’t want to interrupt the party for moments that are sort of empty tradition (at least for us — we poured all of the sentiment into our ceremony and vows). The day was the best of my life, but I would have appreciated understanding the clash in our objectives beforehand so I wouldn’t feel as guilty after making those decisions on the fly.

http://thisistemporary.wordpress.com/ thisistemporary

This is my new favourite blog. This series is exactly what I need to hear right now – wisdom from brides who are “on the other side” of the wedding day. That is what I need to keep in mine when I’m planning, because the world doesn’t end when I get married! A new life together is just beginning!

You know what I appreciated most about this post? The honesty. I really needed to hear this: “The truth is that I was a mess during most of the process. All the research required, all the cool wedding ideas around the blogsphere, all the ‘requests and preferences’ from families, made me a rather overwhelmed bride. In our long (21 month) engagement journey, I learned a lot about myself that I wasn’t able to digest until after the wedding. But this stressful time endured by the hubs and I also made me realize more than ever that I’m the luckiest girl in the world.”

yayyy!!1

http://www.blogger.com/profile/03410537408217066331 Words and Steel

I love this series! Ms. GT- you better be posting your recaps on c(oi)npurse for lil ole me to look at! ;)

http://www.blogger.com/profile/11371172824707301749 Cate Subrosa

Beautifully done, Dubbs. I don’t want to go on about it, but seriously, this is the best series ever!

http://www.blogger.com/profile/05650363231006892289 Mrs. in May

Fantastic, really good to sit back and realize its not all about you, its about celebrating with all of the people that love you and giving them a special day as well.

http://www.twowishes.com TwoWishes

Squee, Dubbs, it’s your first photo teasers! (And I love, love your description — good advice, and so well put.) Can’t wait to see more on your blog!

AJ

Are those red birds REAL?

LOVE the fortune cookies. LOVE them.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/00809881868659921820 FROM MARRIAGE TO MOTHERHOOD

I agree with this statement: The coupleâ€™s personality infused into a wedding can make it feel much more personal.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/06206689296805893265 east side bride

Yaaaaaaaaay Dubbs!

Jenna

I like this idea of conveying what is important to your guests. I was stubborn and said I didn’t want a crowd for our first look, and it was touching and special for us because we DIDN’T have everyone there.