So here’s something exciting: we get to be one of the first people to bring you a review of Breaking Dawn Pt. 2! Nope, not the movie critics, not the BIG TV outlets, not MTV, not E! But little ‘ol us… and the other fan-run sites and blogs!!

So, I want to really break it down for you but I also don’t want to give ANY spoilers away cause you have to go see it Thursday/Friday at midnight. YOU HAVE TO! So I will keep my REAL REAAAAAL review for after the 16th. BUT in the meantime, let’s chat…

We are dumped directly into the Twilight action post vampire c-section/imprinting/open red eyes and we’re immediately back in the thick of things with the new vampire Bella. After many scenes of Bella learning about jumping small rivers, scaling sheer cliff faces and yes, arm-wrestling Emmett we FIIIINALLY get to the action.

And for those wondering… yes, there is Edward/Bella vampire sex. But in a very tasteful, Sade-type-music-playing-in-the-background, angles-that-leave-out-just-enough, Stephenie-Meyer-is -the-mom-of-three-boys-kind-of-way. You’ll still feel a little uncomfortable watching it with your Grandma but hey, at least it’s not an ordinary scene from Game of Thrones (hmmmm Kit Harrington…). So don’t get too excited about any “Fade to Sad” moments.

The first family

Guys, you know when we wrote that post called “Accept It Now” where we reminded people that the film won’t always follow the book version of the storyline EXACTLY to a tee? You know, the cupboards may not be yellow and Bella may jump on a motorcycle with Jacob, in front of Edward? Well, it’s time to reread that post because BD 2 does NOT follow the written word exxxxactly. BUUUUTTTT guys, don’t leave just yet! Here take my hand, squeeze it hard but DO NOT run out of the theater screaming, it’s going to be alright. IN FACT, it’s going to be AWWWWEEESOME! I promise. Your head will be spinning. And because I love you, and because I don’t want to be sued, I won’t tell you any more. I will tell you, however, that you should bring tissues and a friend’s (preferably a Twilight buddy’s) hand to hold. My last piece of advice is, after you read this and after you watch all of our premiere coverage (cause it’ll be GOOD), you need to get off the interwebs and avoid all the spoilers you can. You want to enjoy this and not know what’s about to happen. Trust me.

We’ll see you back here after the 16th for the FULL, REAL review of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two.

I’ve been thinking a lot about THE END and having some sads. I mean… it’s almost THE END. Not the end of filming a movie. Not the end of another film. THE END. FINITE. FINAL.

This is actually YOUR bedroom, right?

Just in case you forgot I thought I’d remind you. And occasionally I’ve thought beyond “What am I going to DO with my life” and thought about others. Others like you. I’ve thought about what you must be thinking (is it “OVER IT!” or “THE END? HOW IS THIS THE END?” ?) Are you too busy with last minute details that it hasn’t started to hit you yet (Like what shade of lipstick to wear the night of the 12th perhaps? Priorities!) Or have you been hiding at home bursting into tears every time you round the corner of your home and see another thing to remind you of Twilight (your walls ARE full of Twi-paraphenelia right?)

But beyond the now I’ve been thinking about what life will be like for you AFTER 11/16/2012. Will you take a big cruise? (back to sandals Jamica where you and Pancho celebrated your honeymoon?) Will you invest in Kleenex Tissues because you bought out the stock of your local CVS AND Walgreens because of your tears? Will we ever see you again? (don’t say no)

Moon & I put our heads together & came up with some obvious things we think you’ll be doing:

Guest post on That’s Normal [for real. TN is coming soon. this isn’t a joke. even though it seems like it]

Continue to ignore your sons when they ask why Bella and Edward would want to swim naked in the ocean. And what those pages said after they went swimming that you told them you read to them “after they fell asleep”

Continue to try not to giggle every time Pacho suggests having a nacho night with the kids

Annual trip to Forks

Quest to become mayor of Forks. And if they won’t allow you that, at least be crowned Queen of Forks.

Continue to not finish Midnight Sun but imagine all its goodness in your head. And then laugh maniacally.

Weekly conversations with you sister about the details you’ll never write down.

Write a story called “A Business Casual No Vacancy” as your foray into the JK Rowling Fan Fic world

JOIN TWITTER

Jump into Google Hangouts with UC & Moon.

Post more than 3x a year on your website AND come up with a new color scheme! (You might have to start to pay Seth the webmaster though)

Spend your evenings dreaming of new billion-dollar teen franchises. [We volunteer to be your sister this time & read the first edits.]

Answer Catherine Hardwicke’s calls once a year and pretend to listen while she talks about, for the umpteenth time, THE AUDITION VIDEO that she just might release one day.

Make a scrapbook of “Secrets I’ll never tell” from the 5+ crazy years of making movies… include pieces of Rob’s hair you stole… take out containers from the Olive Garden from Taylor… secret videos you have of the Twi jam sessions from the first movie.

And you thought you’d have nothing to do! You’re going to be busy! Start writing those Guest posts for Thats-Normal.com!

See you soon. I’ll be the one holding 10 boxes of tissues at the premiere.

Xo,

UC (and Moon)

WAHHHHHHHH It’s almost over.

Business:

We wanted to tell you about an LTT reader & friend Sadie who along with her 3 sisters started doing GOOD with their love for the Twilight Saga! These gals are collecting donations for the Salvation Army’s Angel tree program in Utah. People who participate can win prizes. Check out their Facebook page for more details!

Moon & I are back together again and we just got a chance to peek at the latest Breaking Dawn Part 2 stills. And today we’re ask “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE” which despite its fancy new name is basically the same as Breaking it Down, Vanity Fair Style…

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE Picture 1

UC: I think this is the moment when God came down to Carlisle and made him attractive… for the first time since Twilight… he’s been annointed… look- his head is glowing!Moon: clearly the ice truck killer dude and the denali girls just got back from a european vacation a la national lampoons european vacation where they buy ridiculous italian leather outfitsUC: but then Edward is like “Wait a sec…. that’s my dad.. I’m supposed to be the hottest”
and also Bella is just trying hard not to fall over since she hasn’t eaten in 3 weeksMoon: also i agree carlisle actually looks attractive again. for the first time since 2008. geezUC: WAY too long to keep those good looks from usMoon: OMG the shirt is knotted. I CANTUC: NO it is!?Moon: yes– look closelyUC: then if that’s the case they are all looking at the director saying “serious? knotted?”Moon: and the sweater arms pulled down over the hands. another I CANTUC: haha clearly you never lived somewhere coldMoon: this is so party of five / felicity / WB teen drama– the “I’m so small and vulnerable and look this sweater is so big” STOPUC: it really is cropped circa 1995 isn’t itMoon: God is telling carlisle to tell them ALL to stop with those outfitsUC: thats it.. you figured it out!

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE Picture 2

Moon: omg i dont know if i can break things down now without mentioned the affair/KrupertgateUC: I know. i can’t look at it without IMMEDIATELY thinking about it. Here’s a game. You HAVE to say 3 positive things about WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.Moon: okUC: Her hair looks nice. It’s probably not real thoughMoon: the red eyes dont look fakeUC: You’re right. And I like that color BlueMoon: Yes she looks good in blue.. LIKE BELLAUC: AWWWW BELLAMoon: is that three?UC: yes! PHEW! That was hard. NEXT

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE Picture 3

Moon: i just keep thinking about that picture of the fake Renesmee with the dog pictureUC: hahah really? (You mean this picture of course)Moon: Well here I think Renesmee is showing Bella her plans for her and jakes future wedding… the dress she drew. also who sets out hillshire farm sausage and crackers for santa.???

(….. silence…)

Moon: Hello!??UC: I’m sorry. I’m busy photoshopping a dog into that picture. THE dog. Except there’s a random hand on the dog. But I don’t care.

There. That’s better:

Hey Guys! Don’t forget me!

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE Picture 4

UC: Okay What’s going on here?Moon: Nessie is feeling the baby in edwards stomach… he does have birthing hips after all. Also if this jacket wasn’t robs to begin with he stole it after. It is SO robUC: He’s actually probably giving her advice right there on how to steal clothes from the setMoon: i think Summit saved a few bucks by letting the cast wear their own clothesUC: she wants her jacket since it kinda matches her on set daddy’sMoon: his first lesson in how to steal wardrobe is having her help him steal that jacket- shes moving her hand towards the zipper to help him hid it in her skirtUC: yep. dream team Rob and MacKenzieMoon: pickpockets. they’re gonna take their show to the subway next– try to get some wallets, some pocket change. Maybe some wurther’s….

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE Picture 5

Moon: i’m not gonna lie, i’ve been pretty sad recently thinking about twilight– and this makes me super duper sadUC: awwwwwwwwwMoon: dont leave us smeyer!UC: NEVERRRRRRRMoon: we need to kidnap her and take her to griffith park and reenact this and our and our pocket edward video <— watch that againUC: I feel like that’s what’s going on here… it’s a sign to us… “KIDNAP ME LTT GIRLS”Moon: we’ll take you stephenie!!!! show up at one of our doorsteps and we’ll gladly kidnap youUC: but it’s BYOPE– bring your own pocket edwardMoon: PS FBI who just put us on a watch list – we’re kidding!UC: I’m gonna knock you over the head with our replica Cullen CrestMoon: HAHAH– she wakes up and we’re all in matching bella’s birthday dresses from hot topicUC: We’d be the best kidnappers– force her to drink Bella’s Blood (sangria)Moon: ok i cant look at her face any longer * waaaah *UC: wahhhh

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE Picture 6

Moon: I bet the locket has a picture of rupert sanders. HAHAHAA. I’m the worst. And renesemee is very confusedUC: hahahahahahaha …. Yes– what IS bella showing her? “and this is where daddy & mommy made you Nessie”
“made me? How did you make me?”
ps that child has great hair– maybe in the locket is a picture of what her hair might look like if she starts using products like DEP and Aussie spray in crunchie gel. Pictures to horrify herMoon: It’s a picture of that “if they mated” photo of what rob and kristens child would look like or maybe one of the many, many manips out there of her and “daddy”

So as you know if you were following along last week I was at Comic-Con repping for us here (duh), That’s Normal and Nerd Girls everywhere.

It all started off with a bang, no I didn’t meet up with the Game of Thrones boys the night before, I was invited to attend the press conference before the Fan Panel on Thursday. Can we first talk about how weird it is that in the last year LTT has gone from non-official red headed step child of the Twilight fan sites/blogs to official red-headed step child of the Twilight fan sites/blogs? Cause, yea it’s weird, but also super cool because YOU guys deserve it. We’ve bee together since 2008 loving on and making fun of Twilight.

So since I didn’t have a camera man (UC with my dad’s camcorder) with me I’ll leave the video stuff up to the professionals. And trust me it was mostly the same stuff we’re all used to. You know the “What was your favorite scene to film?” “Where there any pranks on set?” “Is Robsten’s love a pure as the driven snow?” “Have you tried the new Raspberry Lemoncello refresher from Olive Garden, Taylor?” Ok, so maybe some of those weren’t asked but as Buttcrack Santa is my witness I WILL ask what the cast orders off In-n-Out’s secret menu AND I will ask them to also play “Fuck, Kill, Marry” like we did with Stephenie. SOME DAY. Y’all. Some day. Anyhoo lots of questions were asked and I must say Kristen was super on her game, engaging, answering questions, saying “man” A LOT. Taylor was being Taylor, Rob was off in never never land for a good part of it but his best moments were when he started asking Stephenie questions. All was dandy and fun and I enjoyed drinking tons of little free bottles of Diet Coke while I sat between the Australian woman and the dude from Latino Review (who knew?)…

And then I cried…

Ok, not really but I’m not gonna lie if you looked at me during this moment I may have either been chopping onions on the front row next to this loud Australian woman with neon pink toes or I was having a moment. I think as I was sitting there I finally let it sink in that we’re in the home stretch and that this will essentially all be over in November. And how much what Stephenie and Taylor and Kristen were saying could be said by any one of us.

So on a cloud of wistfulness I ran over to get into the fan panel in Hall H to see what clips would be shown and what awesomely awkward fan questions would be asked. After doing some sweet talking to the psycho Hall H line police dude in a white cowboy hat (I know) I ran in just in time to grab a seat next to the best and brightest (BrookeLockart, Lolashoes, TBY789 and Ms. Myra McEntire) and of course the hecklers. After all we were pretty far back.

Since none of us wants to ctrl + some crappy cell phone pictures I took let’s leave this to the professionals again… but ya know with a little bit of what was REALLY happening…

GUISE!!! I’m here! And guess what! I’ve got my shit together this time! I look great, I’ve figured out how to wear sneakers with nice outfits and not look like I’m trying too hard, my hair looks pleasantly tousled, I have great answers prepared for you, my makeup is on point, I don’t look like Joan Jett on a bender, my nail polish is of some color that the internets will freak over……. oh what’s that you say, this is the LAST one and we’ve done like a billon of these things before and I only just figured it out? Well what can you do?

Damnit. They tricked me again. This is SO not an all you can eat In-N-Out. I should have known an all you can eat In-N-Out was too good to be true. They so owe me. Oh look Sailor Moon!

That’s her!! The creepy one who always sits behind the mic! Get her Dean!.Teach me how to Dougie, tea-teach me how to dougie!..

.

(click to enlarge this ish!)

Later in the afternoon I participated in some round table interviews with the cast but since we are now an official red headed step child of the Twilight fan sites/blogs we have to wait on that for a bit. So get yourselves prepared for that exciting post and a few other more exciting posts coming up!

Until next year Comic Con! Oh wait *cries*
Moon

PS I have tons more from Comic Con but I’ll post that and all my odds and ends another day.

So did you see the clips they showed the attendees of the fan panel? Getting even more excited?

A film is a lot like a puzzle, with each piece – each shot, no matter how brief – needing to fit exactly with the ones around it. Our Part Two puzzle is finally coming into full view, and in a few weeks we’ll be heading back north to pick up some additional shots – the last tiny missing pieces.

Despite the fact that Bill addressed us like a Daddy addressing his little worried children to ease our fears that our perfect ending to our favorite story might possibly not be the perfect after all, you have to remember we can always read through the lines of any announcement right? And while Bill might just refer to it as a “missing puzzle piece,” we know better. We know you’re missing something pretty huge for this final film. But let me remind you that we like Twilight, the original film. Buttcrack Santa, his little bottles, horrible wigs & all. So really? Breaking Dawn Part 1 was the best movie yet. And we actually liked Twilight, so you’re gonna be fineeeeeee. I mean.. as long as you fix one of the following reasons you might possibly be holding reshoots:

Someone thought it would be funny to switch everyone’s real scripts out with re-written scripts where the movie ends, not with a face off of the good vamps vs. Volturi with the good vamps protected by Bella’s magnetic shield, but with a epic battle occurring between good and evil, where each side suffers a tragedy. Jasper doesn’t make it. Neither does Esme or Seth the wolf. It wasn’t until Stephenie saw the first cut that someone realized a BIG, expensive practical joke was played.

Stephenie, after spending the summer in England, feels about Downton Abbey even more strongly than we do (she visited the set 3 times) and insisted Bill somehow integrate Dan Stevens (Matthew Crowley) into the movie. Stephenie– I hear ya but feel it’s only appropriate you also write me into a role playing opposite Dan. I need to movie make-out with him pronto.

Breathing a sigh of relief after achieving their main objective in Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Make Edward & Bella sex scene look nothing like a Robsten sex scene), the team forgot to write in a single sex scene for Breaking Dawn Part 2. Worried about a threat against Bill Condon’s life, a secret service detail has been assigned to him until the issue is remedied (it’s really not that big of a deal– it’s just those secret service agents who got the prostitutes in Columbia the other week. Not surprising to anyone both Peter Fach AND Jackson Rathbone have been bugging Bill for an invite to the secret service detail’s “Welcome Back to Vancouver” party.)

All of Charlie’s scenes need to be reshot because Billy Burke acted like seeing his newborn granddaughter aging by years in a matter of days was as shocking as learning that Bella & Jake stole a few of his Vitamin R’s to enjoy down at La Push beach when they were in high school. And let’s be honest, that has to bother the world’s worst best cop a little bit more than finding out your uber-responsible daughter occasionally likes to let loose.

Taylor's close to looking like THIS again

Much to everyone’s surprise, it is discovered that buried in Rob & Kristen’s contracts was a clause saying that in the final scene of Breaking Dawn when Bella let’s Edward into her mind, Robsten will officially “come out.” Screw the idea of making the announcement by kissing for real on the MTV movie awards after winning “Best Kiss.” An Edward & Bella montage of all their love scenes from all the movies, superimposed over a bearskin rug is the only way Rob & Kristen wil have it.

Since Taylor is a bigshot & is being abducted in movies now, he’s slacked off on eating meat patties in baggies & has been visiting the Olive Garden more & more. His 8 pack has shrunk to a 6 pack & that’s just not acceptable. In fact, the costume maker had to bring in the waist of Jake’s jorts a little bit because he’s lost muscle!! After convincing him with the threat of Taylor Swift writing another song about him, Taylor finally agreed to fill more baggies with roids meat and start bulking up again for the reshoots.

Looking forward to seeing what you come up with!! You know where to find me in case Matthew Crawley in vampire form shows up…

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Was Bill Condon’s announcement necessary? And did it make it seem like there’s something bigger going on other than just normal reshoots? I mean… was it necessary? Do you think I’d make a good vampire opposite Matthew Crawley?