~I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think~

Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

13 October, 2010

The Hairy Story

Hair...here...hare...hire...okay the last one does not rhyme in the context...but homophonic-ally*I know that’s not a word either*it suits the tongue so, I’d let it stay!
For lesson No. 1 baby, whatever suits the tongue...you MUUUUUUUST let it stay! ;-)

Okay...back to the context...
What is it about hair that evokes so much hue n cry?
If they are not there*but most needed THERE!*
If they are there*but OMG not wanted THERE!*

If they are not enough*and create a trickle where there should be a cascade*
If they are more than enough*and create a bush in place of a twig...er...I meant the eyebrows here by the way*

If they are black*when the rest of your body screams you are pre-historic*
If they are white*when you haven’t even developed your wisdom tooth*
When they rise all over the place or fall all over one!
Ewwwww....

Anywaysss...I would now take you through some hair adventures through my history and knowledge...I hope they do not turn into hair-raising ones!

I remember the first time my dearly beloved had come to “see” me, along with his jing-bang of a family*not that they believe in too much bang-bang...or do they...or whateeeeeeever...I intend to stay married dearies...so please don’t ask for details*

We were given some alone time by the pool side of this hotel to get to “know” each other better. I have mentioned earlier that mine is a purely arranged marriage...but let me restate it for those of you who were born late*well, that does not imply I am ‘ancient’ dodo, that states you were a douche-bag to be so non-updated on me*

We queried on our education*which our mothers had already told us about* then went on to hobbies*yes, it was like an appointment interview...thank god they do not ask about the ‘experience’*
And then about friends and hang outs*hmm...character assassination...oops...I mean assess-ion...what ass of words!*
And finally it melted...the ice of course!

So my beloved threw his volley, in his true blue Raja Harishchandra style...
“Let me tell you two things very clearly about myself...”
I am listening with very intent ears waiting to be audience to a very earth shattering revelation *and my mind’s thinking-he has an affair...he’s gay...he likes my mom better...aaaaaaah...shut up my mind!*

“Firstly, I have less hair on the head...”
And he bowed his cute head down to show me the commencement of his journey into eventual baldhood...baldism*okay stupid ‘Word Review’ tell me the god damn word* BALDNESS...phew...finally!*
But actually it was a sparsely spaced kinda mound in between...

“And secondly I like watching girls....”
Yes...yes...yes...I still walked the aisle with this guy!

His brutal honesty is a trait that I still cherish*alrite...remove that smug smile off your faces...I know what you are thinking...she agreed because the same was the case with her...Oye, hellooooooo...that does not imply that “I” was balding or that “I” liked watching GIRLS!!!!!!!!
Please get the drift for I don’t have much energy to explain!*I have to complete a long post here, remember!*

So there...my first real association with hair-bare talks!
Since then...it’s much ado about nothing on the head actually!

He carries a comb more dedicatedly than the most conscious of models...and before getting out of the car, he HAS to comb his hair although I tell him, darling not even one strand of what you have on your head has moved even by a centimetre...but talk about hair fetish!

Why I remember the hair today, you ask?
1. I saw a man this evening during my walk treading towards me in slow steps and I noticed something peculiar about him...He had abnormally large*no, not those*abnormally large*please stop picturing things till I give you details*
Abnormally large EARS!
I was watching him with wonder and as he came closer, much to my horror, I realized it was not an extension of his ears, but a spray of obnoxious hair forming a maze at the edges of both his ears!
You know, like a spool of thread wound in a messy bunch and stuck there!
Yes...it was a completely OM good G ewwwweee situation!

2. I have two dear friends who are bald...and they light up my facebook status often with their unbeatable humour and wit! So I have been researching with professional experimentation and inferences on a possible world altering premise that baldness is directly proportional to razor sharp intelligence!
I was so tempted to conduct this experiment is a greater degree outside the temples of Tirupati Balaji...but then on deeper speculation hopped into the conclusion that complete surrendering*or accepting destiny’s verdict of natural loss* of hair FOR LIFE alone, would lead to the desired consequences*just to make this sound more technical n hence believable*!
So there’s hope for all you dumb guys...and stop gloating The Bald Guy!

3. Baldness seems to be in vogue...my dear blogger hunk buddy Mohit, recently decided to go bare*relax, I mean just on the head...much to the disappointment of bevy of beauties* and he seems to be loving it!

And why wouldn’t someone? I mean:
You become a sure shot head turner...whatever the reasons...at least you don’t have to do weird things to stand out in a crowd!

You get to stay forever young...how you ask...well, the first indications of old age are white hair, right...so no hair...no tell tale...offo how duh can you be to not get that on your own!

It is also economically feasible:
No expenses on shampoos, oils, combs, hair spa, colouring or straightening, hair cut, dermatologists!
Heck you even weigh less on the weighing machine, minus the hair*what more can one ask for!*

4. I recently got a new hair cut...that makes people think I look younger and slimmer*wtf...and I blew so much money on gym and facials...if someone had told me it was THAT easy, how much of my khoon-pasene ka kamai would have still been with me...
So for the benefit of the rest of the world...I have hereby declared another breakthrough brain wave!
*you can send the thank you notes along with the cheques expressing gratitude on my email address above*

Enough on hair for today I suppose...
Before the hair fraternity decides to boycott me and send my luscious, cascading tresses on the extinction way!
Have a hairy life...I mean hari-bhari or rather black-bhari life*reminds me of the awesome ad of Blackberry boys*! :-)

Gives me hopes seeing receding hairlines of my guy :P....but then he is thinking of transplants :P so not everyone likes baldness even among guys :D

But i remember this friend of mine who went to UK for studies and post it has never grown hair as bald was hot there......and on his engagement his bald shined more than both his and his fiance faces :P

he heehe Suruchi what do i write now , your hubby My kind of man yippeee ok i did not mean in THAT Way I meant in THIS Way wink wink wink if u know what i mean ...

NExt time he me going for a walkabout watching you know WHAT.... unko bhejo yahan loads here to watch ...

mera bhi DIL lag jayega he hehehe..

You know i could not understand this hair fetish till i had my turban, for me it was the turban fetish everything to be immacualte take 45-to hour to tie one.. ok ok u getting bored i am daviating from the HAIR .. so I could not understand this fetish.. but when I got my hair cut i could understand , PERSONALITY ka sawaal hai bhai.. baal

idhar udhar nahin hone chahiye... in the end i just gave up and cut them so short na rahenge baal na hoga koi fetish and shaved them too so no tension :)

By the way Abnormally large what did you mean THOSE.. did not get you bataiye zara , No i mean tell me what do you think we thought to be abnormally large .. i know u said ears but what did u think we thought.. PLEASE EXPLAIN...

oooohhh ok did not like the next few lines thats really EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW yuck even i wud say

What was that come again ,, completley OHT .. over head transmission on the second point i am like KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Bald is goood sachin I loved it when it was there and every day i think of doing it ... but winters are coming i will give it a go in summers and you say the right things no one sees the white hair.. BTW I dont have a single white hair in my head yeah abhi to main javaan hoon ... dont you think otherwise remember tum, main or G for that time out :) and yeah leave the servi home :) he hehehe

and totally yes to the economic side.. as such recession and to top it redundancy SCARE at work is hovering over my head which is scary news so why spend money of useless things like shampoo,

I was reading some post of your's when i realized that the template has been changed. I am so very addicted to your blog..Coming to the post, one of my best buddies actually cribs about how he is getting bald day by day. I guess i need to send him the URL of your blog. :P

haha.. lovely post.. i prefer to call it my Andre Agassi look actually.. initially when it was just grey hairs, it was the George Clooney look.. but then it rapidly started turning from Clooney to Looney ( big difference between the two, when "watching girls" ) :D

loll....!!!!]what ever suits the tounge u should keep it i agree ..!!1and loll..!!tats wat he saide on ur first meet ..!!actually u know good point y exactly do thye not ask bout experience in the marriage interview .!!i will ask for sure ...1!

ha ha ha... that was an awesome post... really cool :) loved it suruchi :D... great work yaar :)... very different from what i always read... and some situations were hair pulling ones :P... i managed it through the end :)... nice one :)

Hi Scribbling girl,My beloved does not like those either...so he won't mind popping in pills to save the day...But find him sick on any other day n ask him to take a normal Combiflam n watch him create drama:/

Hi Sameera,Thanks for the praise that u always always come up with...I am addicted to such comments...So may god keep us both addicted;-)

I try to change the template to suit the mood of the post...glad u noticed:-)And yes, do send your friend my URL...we should always spread the good word..N in case he needs more expert advice...No sweat...Mein hoon na;-)

Hi Pythoroshan,Hmm..the Andre Agassi look is coooool...I would prefer the Jude Law look there...But what the heck...Clooney, Agassi or someone else...Ke faraq painda hain...I have seen ur display pic n can vouch for the sexy quotient;-)

And as regards “watching girls”I have come to the final conclusion that this is the by default hobby of every full bloodied male species..whether they admit it or not..What say?;-)

Hi Suruchi,Your post really makes me laugh..Visited your blog for the first time, I love the way you share your feelings,emotions,incidents blah blah...Hope one day,I too have the freedom and guts to share all that stuff in my blog....

Hey Neeha,Thanks I feel like on top of the world with so many people laughing...It is great when people laugh at what u say instead of at u;-)My blah, blah will go on,Hopefully I’ll see more of u to share it withAnd you never need guts to share what u feel like sharing...just the teeny weenie first step towards it:-)Hope u manage to make yours:-)

The biggest benefit of being a 'chrome dome' is: odds are that no one would bother to ask you for your ID (to verify your age) while buying liquor or while buying "something" at a medical store . This is really beneficial for people who go prematurely 'cue-ball'.

I liek ya shifting thouts--- haaaa--> lol@ de eyebrow twig innuendo.. n yeh de blackberry connection in the end :)well, for me, daddy is bald n hubby styll is not--> n they're both taurians, sooo i'm just thinking there is no connection between stars n strands of hair... ;)

I am back now. Read 4 pending posts. One may have some logical reasons for anonymity. I am in touch with a number of blogmates and have met a few after we have exchanged mails. It took me sometime to control my laughter before I could move on from your Wishlist. Well, I too have had some wishful daydreams. I think I will take it up as post as you have inspired me to do so. Very sound advice from Cupid. Hope those in need can understand and follow it. Hair, again very witty with some tongue in cheek remarks. I had a good laugh at not being asked about experience in the interivew.

hahah Suruchi your posts are a riot! i have a fun story myself. mine's an arranged marriage too...n i distinctly remember my first thought when i first say my parents in laws to be was that hmmm the dad's nearing his 60s n not balding...so hopingly good genes shall prevail in the boy and he too shan't bald atleast till he's 60. :P :P haha my mom tells me i was completely bald when i was born...maybe that is why im so obsessed with mine and other people's hair :P :Phair today...gone t'row ;) xo.

Thank you for going through all the four pending posts....Wow...this is such a huge compliment..Please take up that post on ur dreams...would be so interesting to know how someone thinks at a later stage in life...It might indicate if I have hope or scope of improvement;-)

Thanks again for being patient n kind enough to be remarking on all of them...You are such a sweetheart:-)

Thank you for going through all the four pending posts....Wow...this is such a huge compliment..Please take up that post on ur dreams...would be so interesting to know how someone thinks at a later stage in life...It might indicate if I have hope or scope of improvement;-)

Thanks again for being patient n kind enough to be remarking on all of them...You are such a sweetheart:-)

Dearest Divaa Divine...Unfortunately I signed in to be a follower of your blog a couple of months ago and the fact that I never managed to read even one of your posts beyond the first few lines talks of my interest on what you write!I have been trying to cancel the blunder but you went “by invitation” only...so kindly block me out from you page n do me a huge favour:-)

Being anonymous n then downright rude in your comment is the most convenient way to be...I have no problems in accepting that it is a stupid post...but I do mind doing so from someone who has no sense or sensibility of putting things in a decent manner!I am sorry I don’t need or intend to be “fucked” by you...Kindly don’t traverse here again to see such stupid posts...My world is better off without coward anonymous frustrated bitches:-)

Hi Persis,Wow...I should have noticed the father-in-law too...But in that case I think I would have not got married at all...Pa-in-law is bald, has strange food habits n is extremely stubborn about things...thankfully he has a heart of gold n hence that has passed on to my G...though dreading the rest of the traits to follow suit:/