Charlie Sheen's alpha goddess, marijuana bikini model and former nanny Natalie 'Natty Baby' Kenly, has left him. TMZ's description of what happened next: "Charlie's penis celebrated the split by declaring war on the entire world, conquering three women from three different countries—Mexico, Australia, and Colombia—the very night Kenly walked out." Then King Solomon said, "I will cut the penis into three parts," and the nu-goddesses shrugged and replied, "While you're at it, could you please cut the coke?" [TMZ, image via Getty]

Lindsay Lohan shot Vanity Fair's September cover story while under house arrest, because her last back-from-the-ashes avert-your-eyes-from-my-ankle-bracelet Vanity Fair cover really helped her turn things around. [P6]

Lady Gaga painted eyes on her eyelids at the MTV Video Music Aid Japan. Consequently, she stood around talking about death and destruction in quake-ravaged Japan with her eyes closed. [Celebitchy, image via Getty]

Anna Paquin on coming out as bisexual: "There is a lot of prejudice against us but the more people talk about it, the less of a deal it will be." As for being married to True Blood co-star Stephen Moyer, "Maybe it should be weird, simulating sex with your husband in front of people. But it's really not." [V via DailyMail]

Jennifer Aniston and boyfriend Justin Theroux went on a double date with Jason Bateman and his wife, and "Theroux showed Bateman his inked torso, which the waiter also complimented," and suddenly Jen was having flashbacks to all those closeted gay co-stars she used to date. [People]

Beyonce gave sister Solange 25 pairs of designer shoes for her 25th birthday. Now Suga Mama has to pay the Bills, Bills, Bills for those B'Day shoes. Should've bought her a short set. [P6]

Latin singer Thalia and music mogul Tommy Mottola had their son. Do you think Thalia constantly compares herself to fellow singing Mottola ex Mariah Carey? Because Mimi just had two babies, Thalia. And she gave hers way crazier names (Moroccan, Monroe) than you gave yours (Matthew). [P6]

Speaking of Mariah, she "debuted" her daughter with a Twitter picture where little Monroe has her hand in front of her face. Thwarting the paparazzi, already. [@MariahCarey, Us]