And now, a news report that out-Satans that Christmas light fiasco that ignited the Eastern Tennessee media market last December in a geyser of hellfire. Obviously, we're not thrilled that anybody's lawn ornaments were stolen, but seriously, this is the apotheosis of regional news.

Back in 1988, mustachioed talk-show gadfly Geraldo Rivera aired a very special two-hour exposé on…
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The couple's home and yard are decorated with items like a Christmas tree that has been painted black, skulls and the number 666. They believe the cutting down of the poster was an attack on their religious beliefs.

The report sadly does not delve into the electoral ramifications of that sign. Is Satan running for school comptroller in Mountain View? Freeholder? Is he a write-in candidate? Sounds like those two-party plutocrats can't stand a little competition on the ballot. Win this election for Joe Average, Satan!