I’ve spent time in the Emergency Room twice this month and witnessed my share of human pain and misery, but nothing could prepare me for the anguish I’ve suffered recently.

Tragedy struck at the most unexpected and inconvenient time, as these things so often do. I had left the room for only a minute and returned to find my loved one unresponsive. Just a glance told me emergency services were required, and I dialed immediately. It must have been a busy night because it seemed like a lifetime before help arrived. At first the specialists’ authoritative voices were reassuring, but their patter soon faded to a buzz amid the unbearable worry. Finally, wires were connected—how could there be so many of them?—and then the waiting began.

As with any loss of this magnitude, my thoughts bounced from emotion to emotion. I remembered the long life we’d shared—all the memories, fun times, and work completed together. But there were self-recriminations too. Why had I pushed so many buttons? Couldn’t I see that the load was too heavy?

The minutes turned to hours and the hours turned to days as each remedy failed. The idea surfaced of a replacement. But it was too early to think that way—much too early.

The tears flowed freely, but I had to accept that age had taken its toll. At last after several days of darkness, the ultimate decision had to be made. With a saddened heart I pulled the plug.

Yesterday it was announced that Jenna Coleman is leaving Doctor Who. Jenna has been the Doctor’s steady companion, Clara, through his regeneration from Matt Smith to Peter Capaldi, from young to old, from eccentric to grumpy. In her normal life when she not traveling in the TARDIS, Clara has been a nanny, a school teacher, a girlfriend to Danny Pink, and a friend to many. But now Jenna’s off to play Queen Victoria in a eight-part drama series.

Jenna’s absence will leave a much coveted hole in the show’s cast. Who will be the next companion?? Below are five top contenders the producers and director should consider:

Chewbacca – Since his stunning self portrayal in the Star Wars epic series, Chewie has languished in Hollywood, receiving neither the respect nor the recognition he so justly deserves. The emotion he wrung out of unforgettable lines like brrwhhhaargh and grrrwaaaaaarggggh (Such joy! Such angst!), should long ago have placed him in the pantheon of Greats. Instead, he spends his off-grooming time traveling from ComicCon to ComicCon, selling himself for photo ops. And while Chewbacca will make a reappearance in The Force Awakens, isn’t it time he claim a more prominent role? Chewbacca is uniquely positioned to become the new companion. He has experience as Hans Solo’s sidekick, and his “bigger on the outside” persona offers a nice counterpoint to the TARDIS’s “bigger on the inside” dimensions.

Con: shedding all over the Tardis

Olaf – What has become of Olaf? Sure his image graces waffle makers, sippy cups, toothbrushes, lunchboxes, beach towels, slippers, ice skates, T-shirts, costumes, backpacks, cereal, mugs, pretzels, phone cases…, but is the cutthroat world of retail really suited to such a sensitive, optimistic snowman? To package Olaf is to melt him–and no one puts Olaf on a shelf. Olaf is a risk-taker! Olaf is ready to die for love! If these are not the qualities of a good companion, I don’t know what are. Rescue Olaf from the inhumanity of consumerism and cast him as the Doctor’s next companion.

Con: leaving puddles in the TARDIS.

Robby the Robot – A contemporary of both the first Doctor, William Hartnell, and the second, Patrick Troughton, Robby rolled on the scene in 1965 in TV’s Lost in Space. Despite his rather intimidating description as a Class M-3 Model B9 General Utility Non-Theorizing Environmental Control Robot, Robby is surprisingly human, poignantly capable of humor, melancholy, sarcasm, guitar playing, and singing. Keenly perceptive, Robby would be invaluable to alert the Doctor to peril with his flailing arms and warning words: “Danger! Danger! Will Robinson” (At last, the Doctor’s name is revealed!!). Other favorable traits include his familiarity with space travel, his prior experience working with doctors (Dr. John Robinson, Dr. Maureen Robinson) and his knack for thwarting a fierce nemesis (Dr. Zachary Smith).

Con: The singing? It wasn’t so hot.

Donald Trump – Because he has otherworldly hair, and there is apparently a law that every list, article, or show must include him.

Con: too many to mention.

A Dalek – In a world torn apart by strife, let’s restore hope by healing the rift between Time Lord and Dalek. Only by working together can these two mortal (immortal?) enemies bring peace to the universe (and if they could EX-TER-MIN-ATE ISIS in the process, so much the better).

Con: The competition to choose which color Dalek would represent the species could get ugly. Red? Blue? Heck, it’s starting to look a lot like the U.S. presidential campaign—just not as contentious.

It seems that selfies are on the defensive these days. Selfie sticks have been banned at Disney World parks, major museums, Lollapalooza, the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona (wouldn’t it be embarrassing to be gored by a selfie stick instead of a bull?) and many world landmarks. Now the Russian Interior Ministry has published a Safe Selfies guide after hundreds have been injured and dozens killed while attempting to get the perfect pic.

In one recent incident a woman shot herself in the head while posing with a gun. (Can you pat your head and rub your tummy? If not, don’t try this! Which hand is for the camera and which for the trigger again?) In June a young man was injured when he brought down a statue of Vladimir Lenin while capturing a special moment. Viva la Revolution! (Or Russian words to that effect. Who knew the solution was so simple?)

In addition to the Kremlin’s campaign, a group named For Security wants the Education and Science Ministry to add a Safe Selfie curriculum to Russian schools. Lessons would be taught by police, psychologists, and professional photographers. Other real victims’ stories suggest they should get some medical professionals (“If you blow your hand off with a grenade, use this tourniquet.”) and wild animal specialists (“When posing with a snake, ensure it’s not poisonous—beforehand.”) involved as well.

Of course, America has its own safety-challenged photographers. Perhaps we should also rethink our classrooms and introduce STEM: Selfie Techniques to Eliminate Mishaps. We do not want to fall behind our comrades in these important skills.

But how about our littlest photographers? How will we keep them safe? Maybe this reworking of a beloved classic, with the aid of the Russian guide, will help. (Thanks and apologies to Dr. Seuss.)

A Selfie Ham

I am Sam.

A selfie ham.

That Sam-I-am!

That Sam-I-am!

I just don’t get

That Sam-I-am!

I’d never be a selfie ham.

Can I take one

here?

Or there?

You should not take one

Here or there.

You should not take one anywhere.

You should not be a selfie ham.

You should not be one Sam-I-am.

Can I take one on a house?

Can I take one with a mouse?

Not on a house.

Not with a mouse.

Do not take one here or there

Do not take one anywhere.

Do not be a selfie ham

Do not be one, Sam-I-am.

Can I? Should I?

With a gun?

I will! I’ll take it!

I’ll have fun!

Hey! You may like it.

Show some flair!

Let us take one on the stairs!

We should not, cannot on the stairs!

Or with a gun! Don’t take dares!

You should not be a selfie ham.

You should not be one, Sam-I-am.

A train! A train! A train! A train!

Can I, should I on a train?

Not on a train! Not on the stairs!

Not with a gun! Sam, no one cares!

Say! On a tower? A power tower?

Can I, should I on a tower?

Should I, can I on a cliff?

You should not, cannot on a cliff

Not on a tower. Not on a train.

Not on the stairs. Not with a gun.

You should not take them, Sam. Not one!

Can I, can I with a goat?

Should I, could I on a boat?

You should not, could not on a boat.

You should not be a selfie ham.

You should not be one Sam-I-am.

You do not like them so you say.

Take one! Take one! And you may.

Take one and you may, I say.

Sam! If you will let me be, I will take one. You will see.

Say!

I like to be a selfie ham!

I do! I like it, Sam-I-am!

But I will take one in a floatie

And I will take one with a goatee.

I will take one in my bed.

And one that will not leave me dead.

I will take one in a train

And clear Amtrak of any blame.

I will hold de-clawed kittens,

But only if I’m wearing mittens.

And I will pose in bubble wrap,

But leave an eye and breathing flap.

I will take them here and there.

But never once just anywhere.

I so like being a selfie ham!

With proper precautions,

Sam-I-am.

*All images of Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss courtesy of seuss.wikia.com

I love standing in the checkout lane at Stop & Shop for so many reasons. Here’s this week’s:

As if you have a choice. As if you can open your closet and say, “Well, hmmm…What’s it going to be today? The stylish butt I got on sale last week?—oh, but I don’t have shoes to go with that one. My jeans butt?—I don’t know…I always choose that one. Oh My Gosh! I can’t believe this butt is still in here!—I wonder if it still fits!? I really just feel like my baggy butt today. Oh shoot, I have that meeting this morning. I guess it better be my best butt.”