“I have huge nipples.” Stated Trish, looking up from Tom’s tight testes. “There’s only one kind of regular brassiere I can wear that I like that covers my nipples well.” Trish said as she assessed the size of her areolas.”

“Yes, you do have huge nipples,” replied Tom repositioning himself on the couch so his head was level with Trish’s breasts.

Once again, Trish’s nipples were the center of the universe. Trish was a strange self centered sexually compulsive bitch. Tom knew she was a compulsive liar too, but that didn’t bother him. The “sexually compulsive” part of her personality was what he found wonderful. She was an unstable randy tart who could go from being on the verge of tears while talking about how her favorite jeans were falling apart to complaining about how hard it was to find a proper fitting brassiere for a big nippled girl like herself.

“It’s not like my tits are really big, I’m just average, but my nipples are huge.” Trish went on, gently shrugging her shoulders, pushing her breasts together. “Like it’s asking too much for a bra to cover my nipples…”

“I feel your pain.” Tom said as he pinched each of Trish’s pink upturned nipples. “I might need to check those nipples. I think I might have to suck them!”

Trish really did have a fine set of jugs. They were just right for her slight body, actually larger than one might expect for women her size. She was right. The defining characteristic of her tits were her the perky nipples and the large puffy areolas surrounding them. Any guy would want to pinch them, and suck them for a while.

“I bet you wannna suck them. How do they feel?” she asked as Tom continued to pinch her ripe nipples.

“They feel great.! Look what they’ve done to my wiener.” Tom said as he took one of his hands off her breast, grabbed her right hand and put it on the shaft of his rock hard shwantzarino.

“I love playing with your dick. It’s so big and if I squeeze it, it gets bigger.” purred Trish. Tom continued to squeeze Trish’s big stiff nipples. “It’s a cute dick too. Some dicks are really ugly funny looking. Some guy’s dicks smell like ammonia or goat cheese or both. Your cock smells like a candy cane muffin. It’s so yummerz!”

“Perhaps it’s the peppermint soap I’ve been using.” Tom suggested. Trish always said crazy shit. He was waiting for what would come out of her mouth next. She gripped Tom just below the head of his shwanger as she dug into his scrotum with her other hand and tickled his testis. Her hand slowly stroked his stiff shaft.

“I love yanking a creamer out of your wiener. It’s so salty good! I can already feel your nut tighten!” Trish shifted a bit and slowly lowered her head as she skirted down the couch towards Tom’s rock hard penis.

Suddenly the land line phone rang. Tom sat up quickly and answered the phone.

“Hello” said Tom

“I’m calling about the 73 Dodge Dart Swinger you have listed in the paper.” said a nasally voice over the static on the line.

“I think you have the wrong number” replied Tom in a voice that belied the fact that he was thinking about Trish’s trouty twagina.

“Sounds totally cherry. If I had that jalopy, I sure as buttered toast wouldn’t be selling it!” exclaimed Tom in a voice that gave no hint as to his recent oral activities

“See, my name is Marcus,” began the caller, “and about the time of my near divorce in 1958, my wife asked me in bed if there was something special I would like. I told her I wanted her to release an air biscuit. No hesitation. She let out a tiny squeeker on cue, right in my face. A minute later, she unloaded a whopper that damn near singed the carpet. Sounded like she killed a huge duck. It was total romance. She never topped that one. I fell in love with her all over again that night.

It added that spark we needed at that time. That excitement. We still do it all the time. I get the best results with her simply by sticking my tongue up into her bung pie as far as I can and massaging her rump while tossing her salad. Sometimes she farts right away but sometimes it can take 20 minutes. The romance saved our marriage. That and Jesus. You do the math. I figure that 3 farts per week over a year works out to about 156 farts. So in 20 years, I've inhaled over 3100 farts.”

Marcus cleared his throat and continued. “I also love to fart! I have a nice wrangler ass bubble butt that looks delectably juicy in faded skintight jeans or tight and squeaky shiny and squeaky vibrating vinyl or leather pants! I love to rip ass in my tight jeans with no underwear or slide around on a vinyl seat in a bar or restaurant with my leather pants on so I can dig the vibration and sexy fart sounds that it makes. I just love to fart in my black leather pants. The way it smells with the leather gets me hot. My farts smell like eggs or broccoli! Yuppers! That‘s why I‘d love to have this 73 red Dodge Dart Swinger, 45,000 miles, small block auto V8 318 5.21 engine, holly carb, dual exhaust and black leather seats. It‘d drive around with all the windows up with the AC off in the hot summer in my black leather or red vinyl pants, farting and sliding around on the leather seat, thanking the lord Jesus for my most glorious find!”

“Did you say that ad was in the “Adverts” free weekly paper?” inquired Tom with a voice like garlicky butter.

“Yes.” replied Marcus.

“Well, I delivered that paper when I was a kid. It went out of business in 1991 or 1992. There must be a mistake.” said Tom

“Well, It’s 1978 here, so we got a while before that happens.” answered Marcus in a weary voice.

“It’s 2009 here, dude. Listen up. My name is Tom. You should hold on to that money you have for the car and buy some Microsoft stock instead. Trust me! Buy some Intel, Yahoo and Google too when you can!” offered Tom. “Call me back in 31 years and 10 minutes and let me know how you are.”

“Ok Tom. I’ll do that. Thank you. Goodbye!” said Marcus.

Tom hung up the phone.

“Who was that?” asked Trish.

“That was some guy named Marcus in 1978.“ answered Tom. “He likes to fart and he’s looking for a 1973 red Dodge Dart Swinger with black leather seats. I told him to buy some Microsoft Intel, Yahoo and Google stock instead and call me back.”

“You know the spot…” Trish purred and slowly and put her head on Tom’s lap and began stroking his shaft with one hand and tickling his scrotal sack with the other. Tom reached down and dug into the area of her back right along her right shoulder blade and massaged her tight muscle.

“Oh that feels great…” Trish sighed as she put the head of Tom’s penis into her mouth, sucked hard and moaned. Her tongue pushed and curled around the bottom of his prick and sometimes poked out of her mouth with a wet slurp. He continued to rub her shoulder as she sucked more of his cock into her mouth and moaned. She had both of her hands on his balls and was tickling them gently. Tom knew from experience that Trish would suck as long as he could massage. Longer, actually.

“Oh my huge nipples are so hard because I’m sucking your stiff wiener while you massage the area of my back right along my right shoulder blade.” Trish purred as she slurped and sucked on Tom’s stiff shlonger. She grabbed the Tom’s shaft near his balls and squeezed as she eased some of his prick out of her mouth until only the top part of his dick head remained in her mouth. Trish gave him a super helmet scrub, licking furiously at his piss slit. Trish looked up at Tom as she positioned herself carefully and slowly swallowed Tom’s eight inches of man sausage until her lips were resting on his pubs. She looked like she had a moustache.

Tom pumped her throat as he continued rubbing the area of Trish’s back right along her right shoulder blade. After about a minute, Trish slowly let his sword out of her mouth a bit and sucked hard. Her tongue worked the bottom of Tom’s rod as she continued to let more of Tom’s knob out of her mouth until only the top part of his head remained. Trish gave him a super helmet scrub again, licking furiously at his piss slit. Trish looked up at Tom as she positioned herself carefully and slowly swallowed Tom’s eight inches of man sausage.

“Oh my” said Trish “That was close. I almost had to vomit, or ralph!” She sucked the head of Tom’s wang back into her mouth and sucked it hard and loud. She knew Tom loved to hear her slurp and moan while she sucked and she was happy to comply. Her cooch was already very wet, and it was in need of attention. That was good. Trish liked to wait until she couldn’t take it anymore. She had her thighs wrapped around Tom’s left shin. She was grinding her crotch against it while slurped hard on Tom’s wiener.

Tom stopped rubbing Trish’s shoulder, pulled his prick out of her mouth and flipped around so his head was above her groin and moved in towards her muff. Tom’s upper arms were pinning Trish’s legs down. Trish moaned and sucked James’ sausage back into her mouth. She gripped his shaft at its base and squeezed lightly with one hand, tickled his nutsack with the other and slurped more of his schlong into her mouth.

Tom pushed her thong away from her loin wig and ran the fingertips of each of his hands along the edges of her trimmed rug. He lightly butterfly kissed at her swollen clit as Trish moaned deeply and sucked harder on Tom’s prick. Tom was dying to maw her musky mound, but he restrained himself and lightly kissed around all around Trish’s mound. Trish pulled her legs further back as Tom’s upper arms pushed against her thighs exposing her ass to him. Tom knew that Trish loved to have her perineum or taint (the skin in between the ass and the pussy) licked and sucked.

“Some guy’s dicks smell like ammonia or goat cheese or both. Your cock smells like a candy cane muffin. It’s so yummerz!” said Trish, squeezing Tom’s rigid penis. She sucked his manhood back into her yapper and slurped loudly. Tom continued lightly kissing around Trish’s stench trench as he lightly tickled her anus. Trish sucked harder and moaned.

Tom clamped his mouth around Trish’s perineum (the skin in between the ass and the pussy) and sucked hard while flicking his tongue lightly against the soft smooth skin.

“Oh my goodness” moaned Trish, “You’ve clamped your mouth around the skin in between my ass and my pussy. You’re sucking my perineum and lightly flicking your tongue against it as well. I have huge nipples. There’s only one kind of regular bra I can wear that I like that covers my nipples well, but as long as you keep your mouth clamped around the skin in between my ass and my pussy while lightly flicking your tongue against it as well, I have little cause to be concerned about my nipples now.” Trish moaned and sucked Tom’s wiener back into her mouth.

Suddenly, the phone rang.

“Hi tom, This is Marcus!” said the voice on the other end of the line. “It’s 31 years and 10 minutes after I called you before. I did what you told me and didn’t buy the 1973 red Dodge Dart Swinger with black leather seats. I bought the stocks you suggested and I am now a billionaire. I own several Dodge Dart Swingers with leather seats in various colors not to mention my fleet of other automobiles. I’ve deposited 5 million in a Swiss account in your name and I will deposit 5 million in cash in a domestic account in your name and list you as an associate at my firm, if that is ok with you.”

“What would I have to do?” asked Tom.

“You‘d have to take the money and be an associate. You would have to be circumcised, and that’s about it.” answered Marcus.
“I am circumcised, so I’ll do it!“ replied an excited Tom.

“I will send you some business cards and all the information you will need to access your accounts.” said Marcus.

Tom hung up the phone.

“Who was that?” asked Trish.

“That was Tony. He wants to know if I want to go watch the game at his house.” answered Tom in a voice drenched with honey. “Listen baby,” Continued Tom, “I want you to do something for me. I really need you to do this for me, sweets.”

“What is it?” Asked Trish.

“I want you on all fours in the doggie position with your back arched like a cat in heat and I want you to fart.” requested Tom.

“Ok” said Trish as she got on all fours in the doggie position with her back arched like a cat in heat as Tom positioned his nostrils over her gaping poop hatch.

Suddenly, Trish’s poop hatch was a dutch oven of rotting vegetation, air biscuits, flatus, cut cheese and quief. That particular fart was a total cheek flapper of gaseous intestinal by-products. Tom clamped his mouth around Trish’s leather cheerio so as to catch any lingering free-floating anal vapors left behind. It sounded like Trish stepped on a couple of huge ducks. It wasn’t very lady like of her.

Later that day a brown truck pulled up in front of Tom’s apartment and a guy with a moustache brought Tom an envelope containing the bank account numbers. Tom promptly checked the information and confirmed that he was indeed a multi millionaire. By this time, Tom had discovered that since he was double jointed and a Christian who loved his lord and savior Jesus, he could position his nostrils over his own gaping poop hatch and unleash rich musky eggy methane fart into his own sniffy proboscisish nose.