Not a nice guy. Not like, a monster or anything. Just not a "nice guy". Can not stress that enough.

Is writing about how difficult these things are to fill out cliched enough to be done ironically? If so, I'll start with that please.

I'm the worlds most sociable misanthrope. I absolutely love a crowd, but love pulling a few people aside to make fun of the crowd even more.

I love to go out dancing but almost exclusively at gay bars even though I would describe myself as pretty not gay. This is for a number of reasons:1 - most of my friends who enjoy a night out dancing, happen to be gay so I go where they go.2 - I find people at gay clubs tend to have way less sexual hang ups so dance floors there are actually fun instead of just gross sweaty meat markets.3 - There's nobody there that I would want to sleep with who would also be interested in sleeping with me. That Venn diagram is just two lovely, big, separate circles. Which suits me great since the idea of seducing someone through dance is so hilarious it makes me vomit with anxiety and turns my limbs into giant rigid turbines of awkwardness.

So if we ever do go dancing and I'm not a terrible flailing mess, you will know that it's either because we share a deep and soulful connection and there are no boundaries between us or I'm just not attracted to you.Good luck figuring out which!

Insects in clever human outfits need not apply.

What I’m doing with my life

I'm just starting to get my first breaks into writing TV which is what I've always wanted to do. I can't believe I'm actually getting paid to tell cartoon characters what to say.

Update: One of the shows I write on just got nominated for an Emmy and yet I still have to work a day job. Not fair.

I’m really good at

Making people laugh at things they normally wouldn't and getting dogs to like me. Although dogs like everyone so maybe I'm not that special.Tell me I'm special. It's basically the only reason I'm here.

The first things people usually notice about me

My voice. I always sound sarcastic even when I'm not trying to and it leads to many hilarious misunderstandings. If you find the idea of people being offended unnecessarily hilarious, that is.That or my hair. Seriously, it's like half my personality.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Books: A Confederacy of Dunces, John Dies at the End, The Stand, Save the Cat and American PsychoFilms: OldBoy, Ringu, Perfume, Children of Men, Shaun of the DeadMusic: Cake, The Deftones, Soul Coughing/Mike Doughty and The Chemical Brothers. Because apparently it's still 1998 in my heart.

The six things I could never do without

Thats a weird question. Why six?And why do so many of you mention cheese in this section? Six essentials that you couldn't bare to live without, and one of them is curdled dairy extract? Sort your fucking priorities out!

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Why certain things are funny. If anyone has any theories on why watermelons are inherently funnier than apples I'd love to hear it. But if you're going to try to tell me that they're not, you can go to hell.

On a typical Friday night I am

...altering my OkCupid profile so it doesn't have as many lame, cliched answered in it. What's that? It's Tuesday? Then screw you profile questionnaire! Now I'm free to go out dancing on Friday.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

You know that moment when you're at the movies and the trailers have finished and the lights go down? Well that moment usually sends a shiver and a feeling of warmth through me that is so strong, it makes me think I love movies more than I could ever love another human being.That and all my weird sex stuff, of course.

You should message me if

...you want to push back against the patriarchy! Internet dating was supposed to level the playing field but still so many people cling to the idea that a woman can't make the first move. I'm rapidly running out of ice-breakers. Don't make me repeat them, it cheapens us both.Or did I just admit that girls hardly ever contact me first? Either way, say hi. I promise it wont destroy your reputation.