Last Sunday, as we drove home after an exhausting tournament, in a heavy downpour, my kids suggested we continue the nonstop excitement by going to see a movie. Frankly, my eyes were closing just thinking about my cozy bed and if I wasn’t the one driving, I think I would’ve passed out cold.

Me: “Wow guys, that’s a great idea! Oh, wait, I forgot, they don’t show movies after 8PM on Sundays. Darnit. Maybe tomorrow.”

Yes, I’m always quick to throw out a creative, well placed lie. Ry, my 9yo daughter, quickly to accessed the statement, and confident in its validity, went back to whatever she was playing my iPhone. My son J, who’s 12, went back to his phone too. After a short pause, he said, “Mom, what are you talking about? They have an 8:25.”

Damn you interwebs from ruining the only sanity saver I had left!

Here’s the thing, Moms lie. We do — and frankly a fast thinking fib can be the difference between a good night’s sleep and being sent to padded room. You see, mothers are a brilliantly dishonest bunch. And deception is one of the strongest tools in our arsenal (well, until your children figure out how to look things up on Google, that is).

Of course, we fabricate things in different ways. There are the universal terms and phrases, and there are the incredibly creative lies that we tell to prevent a meltdown, an argument or simply to give us a moment of peace and a brief reprieve.

Here are some of the best lies moms tell their kids to save sanity, furniture, face, time, and money… (Thanks to my genius Facebook fans for their help!) Feel free to steal any and all you may need.

1. They don’t give you ketchup at drive-thrus.

2. The lunch lady calls me when you don’t eat your sandwich.

3. The cat is allergic to Moon Sand, so we can’t have any in the house — for her safety.

About the Writer

Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog is the humorist behind The Suburban Jungle. A card carrying Gen Xer and columnist at Huff Po and The Stir, her goal is to you keep herself sane and to teach dolphins to read. She is failing at both. Join the insanity on Facebook and Twitter.