You were such a trooper on that day. You smiled, you played, you entertained everyone.

Even though I know you were hurting.

You make me so proud, baby.

For you to turn TWO years old was a blessing. We all knew that.

It showed the power of love, prayer, and perseverance.

But we don't get to see THREE.

You are spending your third birthday in the lap of Jesus.

I'm not sure that any Elmo party can top that...

But oh, how I wish we could try.

The day before you left me was torture... the day that you left me was torture...

The days after you left me were torture...

And today, living without you in my arms is torture...

And now, THIS is what I have to do to honor your birthday- I did this before I left to come to New Mexico to see your Nanny. It was pouring down raining and was supposed to rain all weekend, so I knew I didn't have a choice but to put something out there in the rain.

Well, it didn't work, of course.

The balloons didn't stay.

(I can't wait until your monument is made so it can be pretty out there).

I guess I'm just new at the "decorating the cemetery" stuff.

No Mommy should have to do that.

I sat in my car, soaking wet.

And I cried... and cried... and cried.

It's so unfair.

I sure hope God is throwing you the best Third, Elmo Birthday party EVER.

You deserve to be able to finally get to stick your little fingers in your cake and pig out.

I wonder if God has a camera to take pictures so I can see one day, too.

Because Lord knows Mommy took lots and lots of pictures of everything.

Could you ask him that for me, baby?

I'm devastated.

I miss you.

It's not fair that I'm not with you.

It's not fair that I have to stay behind and try to breathe without you.

Sometimes, it literally is hard to breathe without you.

I'm so proud of you.

I don't think I could possibly be able to FEEL any more proud of you.

You are the greatest gift and the most precious blessing that I've ever received.

I wish we would have had more years together.

I wish I could have seen you take your first steps forward without holding on.

Or maybe even learn how to play your first set of "big boy" drums.

I wish we could have eaten an ice cream cone together. Or taken a boat ride.

Or gone to the beach together.

I wish I could have watched your first t-ball game.

I wish we could have gone to get a snowball on the hottest day of the year.

I wish I could have taken your picture for your first day of kindergarden.

I was walking through target the other day.

That's where I bought almost every single one of your toys (we pretty much bought out the store).

And I passed by the toy section. My eyes welled with tears as I saw SO many new toys that were on the shelves that if you were still here, I know I would have bought them all.