It's Time to End the SuperCommittee

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At this point, the members of the congressional SuperCommittee (!), which Newt Gingrich and I agree was a colossally stupid idea in the first place, should just go full-on Mystery Men, don masks and capes, and attempt to fly off the Capitol dome in the general direction of the Washington Monument. All you need to know is that David Brooks looks at this big ship of fools and sees in it the Grand Bargain of his dreams. He can be the plucky sidekick — Jimmy Olsen, say, or Bucky Barnes. In the long history of American political futility, this clownish piece of extended theater ranks right up there with Richard Nixon's attempt to dress up the White House doormen like Marriott bellhops — or, like Michele Bachmann dressed in the last debate.

If they weren't messing around with the real lives of real people, I'd suggest installing a laugh track and handing them all seltzer bottles and dribble glasses. Look at this mess. Now we have the inevitable Democratic ritual surrender followed by the inevitable Republican refusal of the sword. This recalls nothing more than the conclusion of James Thurber's "If Grant Had Been Drinking At Appomattox":

"I should like to have this over with as soon as possible," said Lee. Grant looked vaguely at Shultz, who walked up close to him , frowning. "The surrender, sir, the surrender," said Corporal Shultz in a whisper. "Oh sure, sure," said Grant. He took another drink. "All right," he said. "Here we go." Slowly, sadly, he unbuckled his sword. Then he handed it to the astonished Lee. "There you are. General," said Grant. "We dam' near licked you. If I'd been feeling better we would of licked you."

If only they all had a decent excuse, like being drunk. Instead, we have this quote from a Democrat "familiar with the talks," who has requested anonymity because he doesn't want his parents to know what a dumbass he's become:

"This was a good-faith effort to put something on the table to see what kind of response we would get."

What kind of response did you expect at this point? The Republicans wouldn't agree to the purchase of a hose if the freaking room was on fire. Of course, we will hear now about how this was all a clever gambit to put the Republicans "in a box." Which would lead to what, exactly? Democrats — up to and including President Obama — running for re-election next year as the party willing to cut Medicare and raise taxes? That's a winning pitch unlike anything the American voting public has seen since the Free Cholera Party folded in 1852.

Out in the country, the president's finally getting traction by pointing out that the recalcitrance of his political opposition is based primarily in that opposition's unblinking fealty to the oligarchical pretensions of the one percent. Meanwhile, back in Washington, he's got this anchor tied around his ankles. There will be overwhelming political pressure for him to accept whatever shitburger these people produce, thereby undercutting the only winning political strategy he's had in two years.

Get funny suits. Pretend to fly. Fold this foolish waste of time before people really get hurt.