But the truth is, the moment I see Ashley at the bar of a dimly lit restaurant in the French Quarter, I know exactly where this is going. It isn't that she isn't beautiful, but physical attraction is a beguiling force: instantaneous, , one no amount of digital chemistry can will into existence.Making our maybe-date more awkward is the fact that Ashley and I have already covered, via text, the most time-honored icebreakers. I'm confident this is going to be the night that converts me into a Tinder proselytizer."I want to fuck you," she writes, a message I find more jarring than flattering.Can you truly "want" someone who exists solely on a phone?Our conversation is effortless and flirty, and we don't realize we're the last ones in the restaurant until the waiter politely tells us they're trying to close.

I hang around, repeatedly texting her through Tinder ("Hey, were you real or an acid flashback?As we kiss on a street corner at the end of the night, she whispers, "Next time, pick me up on the bike." By the time I return to New Orleans, the novelty has worn off.Once a salve to post-breakup loneliness, my Tinder usage has begun to foster a deeper, more existential kind."), before realizing she had a system rigged to let her friend know if she needed rescuing from the "Tinder dude." I spend two weeks in New York, hoping it will prove to be an especially fertile ground to get my Tinder on. Within two days, I've been matched with more than 60 women.One night I meet up with Nicole, a 34-year-old designer of throw pillows, and when it's clear that neither of us is really feeling it, I log on to Tinder and set up a date with Casey, a 28-year-old who works at Google, whom I meet at a bar up the block an hour later for... Two days later, things take a promising turn when I find myself at a Brooklyn taco joint with Meg, a 29-year-old fashion exec I'd exchanged a flurry of messages with.

Over the next few days, her photos get more and more explicit: Here she is in a bikini, here she is out of the bikini.

Simpson, who has been in New York City promoting her new album this week, has a bruised vocal cord and is on vocal rest, which forced her to cancel a few appearances, including David Letterman. "John feels terrible about the sudden cancellation and he will plan to be back in Connecticut soon," said a press release given to the AP.