Let’s face it, one day it’s inevitable. As soon as Liam realises he can only rhyme “rain” with “pain” so many times, and Noel realises he can only rhyme “mind” and “find” so many times, then a reunion will be arranged faster than you can say: anyone for a fat line of Knebworth?

9) The bust-ups. These will cause less disruption than before. In fact, a dedicated “bust-up manager” will be appointed to ensure that ructions only occur right at the end of tours. The boys are older now and therefore a fight co-ordinator will also be hired to teach them to pull punches and use only light props as weapons.

The week after former Aston Villa midfielder Thomas Hitzlsperger revealed he was gay, fellow German Hans Gropius has outed himself as “bi-curious”.

The Bayern Munich striker (pictured left, in command of beach ball, with 'transgender curious' Borussia Dortmund goalkeeper Franz Drechsler) told a press conference that although he still considered himself heterosexual, he had on certain hot afternoons felt the urge to work with another man on a lathe.