Remember how I once commented on your status update to tell you that I will definitely be checking this out? WELL HERE I AM! And wow, this is great!

From the very beginning, you had me hooked. The story is really original so far and it's only the first chapter! I've always found the fable Rumpelstiltskin really different and in my opinion, Rumpelstiltskin was the good one well the girl in the story was the one breaking her promises. But in this, the dela makers seem terrible! And really scary! You did an excellent job with describing the dealmakers, and the information wasn't too much for it to get annoying or anything.

I loved when the deal maker rolled his eyes, at "Anything". I bet if he could be sorted he'd be a Slytherin... And now I'm also wondering if he's Hugo! Because, of your characters listed... Hehe... I've only read a few of your stories, but whatever I've read so far has been great. You seem to be able to write a variety of things, which is rather admirable!

Great story, and I'd love for you to update!

Blackout 4/15

Author's Response: I do remember! Hello! :D

I love the story of Rumpelstiltskin and I agree, he's definitely more the good guy than the bad - he just made a deal, it was the girl who said yes then broke it. Oh, he can be scary, my deal-maker, but I hope to have enough of the original idea in. You'll see how he turns out. ;)

He could have been, but that would have given him away since Slytherin already has a reputation. :P Ohhh, is he? You'll find out in the last chapter.

Rumpelstiltskin is (obviously) my favorite story ever! I could hug you! No, I WILL hug you *hugs*! I am positively beside myself with elation!

The idea of a Deal-Maker is perfect. It fits with the type of creature you are portraying.

I am assuming from the line "I'm the only one this world has" that you are introducing the idea of multiple/alternate worlds. The idea alone made my skin crawl with excitement. It also served as a one-line proclamation of just how lonely the life of a Deal-Maker must be.

I think you did a fantastic job overall. The narrative is lovely and reveals the Deal-Maker's personality. Even the minor mentions of what it is supposed to be and do provide the readers with plenty of detail.

I thought this was going to be a one-shot until I got to your AN. You are going to make this, if only a bit, longer!? I'm on board! So, I will be waiting for an update! n.n

I'M SO HAPPY!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: It's one of my favorites, too. I was so happy to get it. :D *hugs*

The idea is that he believes there could be other things out there. With everything he's seen and done and knows about, it wouldn't be a surprise to him. And yes, it's a very lonely life, being the only Deal-Maker... that he knows of. ;)

There will be more, four chapters maybe. I just have to finish planning it, then I can add it to my writing list. Thank you so much for leaving a review!

I like how you've set up the idea first - as well as the start of the story. But, let me break that up into two different parts - because that's sort of what it feels like.

Firstly, the idea of deal-making magic. There are always these sorts of people in fairy tales, but nobody ever goes into more description that 'demons' or 'monsters' - or why they do it. This idea that you've set up - that they use it for themselves, and keep it for energy or to enhance their own lives is really interesting. The character of 'Matthew' alone is equally intriguing. He's a teenager basically of an immortal race, who can't be bothered to steal lives up until he meets Alice. He almost comes off as a devil like figure - not as the evil side now, but as the scheming, 'I do it because I can, Devil'. And its' quite interesting.

At first, I thought the Alice in this story was Alice Longbottom - but I don't think she is, is she? Not with two daughters, unless this is an alternative.

There's something about this story which is really intriguing. Can't wait to read some more of it!

Author's Response: I've always wanted to a write a story about this - they're part of my 'supernatural series' and are very interesting in my headcanon. I'm glad you like it and that you see 'Matthew' as a Devil-like figure; even though they're born human, it's their magic that perceives them as demons in the legends and 'Matthew' is far from good. Writing him is very cool. :)

I love how you opened this chapter with all of the information about Deal-makers and what they do, how rare they are. I really enjoyed that information and having the background of them and how they add the years they take from people and add it to their own lifes.

Huh, I know of a character that likes antiques... :P

I love that the Deal-maker is playing a game with her, trying to find out her limits. He's acting kind of creepy, but I would expect anyone who has that kind of power to be dark and creepy.

This mysterious 'Matthew' *giggles* guy is awesome! :P I love how he gives her her health back.

I am hooked to this! I cannot wait for more! This is so amazing! Ahhh I seriously love this so much! You're such a fantastically brilliant writer, Sam!

I hope that you win the challenge!

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad. Because it's a short story, I wanted to spend the majority of it showing the actual story, so it seemed good to have the information at the beginning.

Yes, he can be very creepy when he wants to be. Games are fun and he has all the cards, so to speak.

So long ago, when chapter 6 of Pack was posted, you were the first one to review it. So I told myself "I'm going to read something of hers and review it." Yeah, well time has passed and I haven't done that. UNTIL NOW! Mwahahaha!!

:D

So I had to pick this one because it sounded very original. I'm intrigued about these Deal Makers. About how they take years for a deal. I've never read something like that before and I like it!

When the Deal-Maker says: "For a price." It reminds me of 2 TV character that I have no idea if you know: 1) Rumpelstiltskin from Once Upon a Time AND 2) Kyubey from an anime called Puella Madoka. Where he'll take your soul for a wish. Hahaha. So as great as your Deal Maker is...I don't trust him. Haha XD

Hi Sam!
Wow, this was so good! It was really creepy, and made my skin crawl a little, but I loved it! You're writing always stands out to me because you create such vivid characters. I can't wait to find out more about Alice and Matthew! Great work as usual! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hey, Cassie!

I'm so glad, creepy is what I love, so you thinking so makes my day! :D

Woosh! Creepy. I like the sort of seductive tone you give “Matthew”--it’s not really so much physical, but it’s a mental game. It’s interesting, because I don’t really care for him--he’s very impetuous. I mean, he’s a teenager, and what if Alice had gotten pregnant with a boy right away? Suddenly he’s a teen dad? Obviously he didn’t think that through. However, the fact that it seems like something he has no choice in later does give him a bit of my sympathy. It’s an intriguing beginning, and I’d be interested to see how it plays out, and where this “Matthew” fits into the wizarding world. :D Good job.

Author's Response: Hello!

Creepy? Yay, I like creepy. Creepy is what I write. :P

It's definitely a game for him, this character loves mind games. You don't really care for him in the beginning; he's pushing this dying girl, essentially being mean for no reason, and we can think of bad names for him. He's impetuous to a point, even he has a line he won't cross. And he has thought the baby thing through, he has a plan. You just can't know it. ;)

But he's been watching her and his plan for this deal has grown and become concrete, so it's something he can do.

I'm glad you feel a little sympathy near the end; the deal is binding, so unless she finds away to break it, neither has a choice but to go through with the deal (and his plan). He grows throughout the first chapter, he has his own family now, so he's not as... bad as before. :P You'll see that.

I hope you continue to enjoy this story. Thank you so much for leaving a review!