The Front Line for the Awesomeness Offensive

Dennis Rodman Wants a Nobel Peace Prize

BleacherReport: My mission is to break the ice between hostile countries. Why it’s been left to me to smooth things over, I don’t know. Dennis Rodman, of all people. Keeping us safe is really not my job; it’s the black guy’s [Obama’s] job. But I’ll tell you this: If I don’t finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something’s seriously wrong.

First Obama, now Rodman? They’re just giving away Nobel Peace Prizes nowadays, aren’t they? Sounds easier than admission to Arizona State. The Worm thinks he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize? First of all, I can guarantee that North Korea told all its citizens that Rodman was actually Barack Obama, and that the President of the United States is a freak covered in tattoos and piercings. Totally legitimizes North Koreans’ idea as the US as the Great Satan.

“If the President of the United States is that guy, we totally should nuke them!”

That’s how I imagine they stereotyped us. Also consider the fact that there probably aren’t very many black men in North Korea. Rodman I’m sure contrasted with the North Koreans so much that he actually damaged our relationship with North Korea. Doesn’t matter anyway I guess. If North Korea ever tried to attack the US we’d totally erase North Korea from the history books in a matter of days. Dump a few million tons of plutonium and people will never remember that the country was ever there.