Gravely Mistaken

2/07/2014
The Lady
5 Comments

“No young lady can be justified in falling in love before the gentleman’s love is declared.” -Northanger Abbey

For the past two weeks, The Artist has been texting me non-stop. Everyday he asks those silly get-to-know-you questions that pepper the beginning of any blossoming relationship (especially one developing digitally). Amongst the deluge of text messages, Snapchats, flirtatious Facebook messages, and the like, The Artist has been concocting plans to come for a weekend visit as well as has been attempting to convince me to travel back to Utah to visit him. Some may say that I am playing hard to get, but I simply do not have the time (nor the money for that matter) to go skipping about the country on a whim, so I have avoided giving him an answer regarding my visit to Utah. As far as I am concerned, it simply will not happen.

But through it all, I have been playing that terrible game with myself: He likes me....he likes me not. At some points his flirtations are so obvious I can taste them. At other times it is much more vague. But the "Aha Moment" arrived with violence just last week when The Artist asked me the most perplexing question.

He asked me to go to France with him this summer.

France. A boy asked me to go to France. He wants us to sit beside the Seine; him sketching and me writing. He wants us to spend days at the Louvre. He wants us to tour Versailles. He wants us to frolic about the countryside. No.Big.Deal.

In my mind, that was surely an "I like you" moment. Can you blame me? I mean I have a tendency to believe a guy likes me if he asks to borrow a pen let alone if he asks me to go to travel to another country with him. Because of this, the past few days have been slightly agonizing. Of course I couldn't settle on whether the France thing should happen, but most importantly, I could not decide whether I actually liked The Artist back. I took the advice of a friend and tried to imagine romantic situations between The Artist and myself . . . nothing seemed to turn out like it should have.

Cuddling:Am I the big spoon or the little spoon?

Hand-Holding:Are his hands actually smaller than mine? How is that possible?

Kissing:Do I get him a box to stand on? Do I stand on the lower step at the doorway?

Other Stuff: No.

That decided it. I did not like The Artist. Not in that way at least. There would be no road trips. No France. But that was not going to stop me from participating in some shameless flirting. Who do you think I am?

As the texting/Snapchatting/Facebooking continued between The Artist and myself, I fancied that maybe I would get over those physical hangups because he really is a great guy and I really do like talking to him. Luckily The Artist saved me from being too wishy-washy about my decisions because just the other day he friend-zoned me. Yes. He began asking me about when you know it's the right time to kiss someone, and of course he was not talking about me.

My internal reaction: What? What? What?!

I am not hurt (there is no reason to be), but simply befuddled as to why a guy would spend hours talking to a girl he doesn't truly like. Why a guy would plan lengthy roadtrips to see a girl if he wasn't genuinely interested. Why a guy would ask a girl to France if he wasn't sincere. But most of all I am miffed that I no longer have someone to flirt with.

We are The Anti-Austens, a collective of feisty, young Latter-Day Saints endowed with old-fashioned sensibilities (acquired through our Mormon upbringing and extensive reading of Jane Austen novels) trudging our way through the modern dating scene.
Our blog was first created in 2010 and based in the Latter-Day Saint epicenter of marriage: Brigham Young University. Since its creation, the blog has seen many writers come and go, but those of us who remain continue vigilant in our quest for a gentleman happily blessed with our ideal qualities. For a few of us, that quest has led us away from our original hunting ground (BYU) on to hopefully greener--and considerably less overwhelmed--pastures.

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5
comments:

Anonymous
said...

Maybe he's trying to make you jealous? Or he's picked up on your disinterest? It definitely sounds like he was into you, at least for a while...

May I just say that I feel for you? Because I do. One of my good friends whom I've had a crush on since we first became friends told me I "needed" to come to Jerusalem with him this summer. What's with this inviting people to foreign countries if you aren't interested?

sometimes boys do that though. he is probably trying to give you a hint that he wants to kiss you but doesn't want to do it if you aren't ok with it and then just have things be awkward. what did you say to him anyways? keep us posted.

I agree with Kaes. He is probably trying to protect his feelings by making it look like he was friend zone-ing you all the time. Or perhaps trying to make you feel more comfortable and show you he values your advice by asking you.