My, my, my. Isn’t this just a pickle? I like being right, but there is a limit.I’m here to tell you, I’ve never had this much fun, and I’ve been to two world fairs and a goat fucking. Politics, finance, world order itself hang in the balance, and it gets no better than that.

In just the last month as I reckon it the federal government has injected or is on the verge of injecting over TWO Trillion (that’s trillion with a T) bucks into the financial market. What comes after trillion? it’s million,billion, trillion….but what comes next? Whatever it is, we’ve sunk a quarter of one of them into this mess. In fact, I’m not even counting the fannie and freddie buyout, so probably more like 3 trillion.

Yet, amazingly, no one is to blame. I keep stopping as I write this. Laughter overcomes me. A complete and utter dearth of leadership has created the situation, and suddenly we find that the two candidates aren’t really capable of leading either. Given an incredibly devastating economic crisis just 2 months prior to the election, and McCain panics whilst Obama cowers. The cowering isn’t exactly a surprise. It conforms to both the voting record, and the lack of forthrightness on the part of Barack. The panic was a little surprising. I take it that’s what a bonafide hero does when faced with a situation beyond his understanding. Lacking the tools to capture the essence of the crisis it is better to do be doing something useless than nothing at all. I remember the mindset clearly from my time in the military. I believe they teach it at The Basic Officers Course.

So what we have is a candidate willing to trounce longtime friendships as if they mean nothing, and a candidate incapable of dealing with those issues not related to beans, bullets, and bandages. Let’s look back:

We could’ve had Hillary. Mitt. Guiliani. A host of others. All uniquely unqualifed, but gifted with the egocentricity needed to believe one capable of performing that job. Bill probably would be nice to have around right now. Would be nice if he hadn’t used up his term limits before he achieved wisdom. Oh well. What we have are these two knuckleheads. Both of whom, coincidently, have less executive experience, and less personal appeal than the vice presidential candidate. The hockey mom. Not the inveterate liar and longtime defender of current social policy that has us where we are today. Of course, I’m partial to a well turned calve. Beats worn out political bullshit everytime.

Anyway. I just came by to chuckle. Spending what you don’t have got us here. Blame whoever you want, but that’s what did it. Your friends, neighbors, coworkers…maybe you, maybe a little me. that’s who got us here. Bad spending, atrocious voting. Accepting that in a free and democratic society the government should be bailing out private enterprise. We suck folks, and we just keep sucking. Come the first Tuesday in November we’re going to suck again. We chose these two to lead us to the promised land? We’re we drinking? Hopped up on speedballs and Latte’? Whatever the case. This is frigging hilarious.

awkward conciliatory and encouraging afterward:

If your job is sound, and you aren’t in hock up to your genitalia; if you spend little and conserve copiously you should come through this mess ok. If not, well, tough shit. You were warned.

So how about that change candidate? I’m wondering what, other than skin color, the change isalleged to be. So far, other than his incessant whining now that the press is treating him like everyone else he seems like every other semi-crooked politician to me. Let’s, just off the top of our heads, look at the record.

So far he has never won an election for federal office that didn’t include getting reporters to dig through the divorce proceedings of his opponents trying to find some dirt that will stick. This includes the primary, and one election for federal office. Slinging dirt doesn’t really allow one to call himself the candidate of change.

He purchsed a home in which he realized “several hundred dollars worth of savings” in conjunction with a lot purchased by your typical everyday chicago style graft and corruption specialist. Here again the table was set long ago by those before him and he is merely eating the vittles.

I suppose when a couple of your top staffers come out and tell people you lied about NAFTA, and getting out of Iraq, and another admits you are not ready to be commander in chief in an interview that could be called change. Honesty is rare in campaigns, and thiese were the first honest things to come out of his campaign. Unfortunately, he said the NAFTA conversation didn’t happen when it actually did. His Iraq stance is also disingenuous on its surface because common sense says if a nuclear device goes off in fallujah we will be there long past 18 months. So again, his lying and obfuscations make this more of the same…no change here.

His record…that anemic thing he persistently points to could have been called change had he not followed in the footsteps of JFK and Jimmy Carter. Neither had a record of international involvement. One botched the bay of pigs, and the other failed so miserably when the Shah was ousted in Iran that 30 years later we still can’t get that particular burr out of our rump. Again….no change here.

So where is the change? great speaker? so was Reagan. Innovator? nothing new in any of his policy statements. Voting record?

Eureka…change…we have found you. I don’t think we have ever had anyone as liberal as Barack Hussein (yeah…its his middle name but he isn’t a muslim and damn the muslim’s should be pissed that the man won’t even own his moniker because it sounds like an islamic name) Obama run this deep into a campaign.

You should enjoy this time Barack. Hillary can only hit you so hard without offending the socialists in her party. Imagine what happens when that paragon of togetherness John McCain starts attacking your record of political isolationism. Do you really think you control the middle? you can’t control the middle from the far left or the far right, but you might have a shot if you’ve always been there. John McCain has. Of course, if he wins we will need to redecorate the oval office. I recommend putting the button on the top shelf. He won’t be able to reach it there.

Well that went better. Absent the murderous glares of the previous evening, and with character assassination experiencing a temporary hiatus a pair of individuals with real ideas showed up in Hollywood tonight. Bet that’s a first.

I agree with neither of these people on so many things I wouldn’t know where to start. That said, I loathe neither which made tonights debate a far mor easier experience. Not only were they mostly congenial, they both came off as people you wouldn’t mind having for a President.

I felt Barack should have maybe kept his answers short on healthcare. He appears far to coached to play with Hillary on a field she knows better than anyone else still in the race. I’ve already stated that I’ve decided to vote for Hillary, but I thought Barack came off very well. Unfortunately, for a man so bent on looking forward he keeps digging back into the past for his debate points. His continuous harangue that he has been right on Iraq all along may well be true, but is disingenuous when you really look at it. I was right on Iraq all along as well, but Barack and I were not faced with all the data that Hillary was. He didn’t have access to the top sectret reports, and I’m willing to wager that had he been he would have made the same vote Hillary did.

To his credit, he comes off earnest, and personable. These may seem mundane, but presidents have been elected on personality before. I do think he had to knock a couple out of the park to catch Hillary before superTuesday, and barring a John McCain style dirty trick I doubt he will look real well next Wednesday.

Hillary was on tonight. She’s a formidable opponent in any setting, but she has seemed to really hit her stride in the debates. Her obvious desire to keep the gloves on I thought allowed Barack a lot more leeway on Iraq than his record deserves, but other than that She seemed to control the momentum of the debate all evening. The look on Barack’s face when she used the “it took a Clinton to clean up after BushI, and it looks like it will take a Clinton to clean up after Bush II was absolutely to die for. He looked like he’d been punched in the gut after a long night of boozin.

I know my commmentary is a little slender, but they didn’t say much that hasn’t already been said. Hillary did for the first time explain her healthcare plans mandates in a debate setting. Other than that there wasn’t anything you haven’t already heard unless you live in a refrigerator box behind Spanky’s Grog Palace in Poughkeepsie New York.

Here is another one of those quizzes designed to tell you which candidate most agrees with your values. My Top Republican was Mitt Romney, and my top Democrat was Chris Dodd. The Romney thing had me choking the hell out of myself. It really is true. You can’t choke yourself to death. I did achieve unconsciousness though.

The most gratifying part of the quiz was that Barack Obama came in dead last…right behind Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich. Apparently I can still spot a whackjob a mile away.

Who knew. You mean all this politicking was the pre-race race? Nice to know we’re finally going to get down to business. So how did your favorite candidate spend the first day of the race?

Hillary did what any smart politician would do. She broke out the big gun. She took Bill to Iowa with her, and if anyone out there doesn’t think Bill Clinton could beat every assclown currently in the race, your dull normal credentials must be outstanding.

John Edwards received the endorsement of two labor unions…the united mine workers and the united steel workers. I’m a member of the United Steel Workers, and will end my political contribution to the union tomorrow. I will do everything I can to ensure that as few USW employees vote for this braindead piece of human waste as possible.

Ron Paul capped his big 3rd place finish in his home state with an announcement that his fans ruled the meeting, that he raised $100,000, and that as always Ron Paul was the only popular person there. Sometimes making the stroking gesture with your hand is enough, but at times like this you just need to say…what the hell ever. You have to love the spin control that this no hoper campaign has going on. It is rumored that at this time he is laying in a fetal position with his own fecal matter smeared all over his dessicated ancient carcass, sucking his thumb and moaning.

Duncan Hunter won in Texas. According to the Ron Paul crybabies he cheated by campaigning there, and actually beating his holiness Pope Ron Pius the I. Naturally Duncan will use this as an excuse to remain in a race he clearly has no hope of finishing better than 23rd in.

Barack Obama spent the day attacking Hillary for being experienced. I suppose if your experience level is still in the Lego’s phase, thats what you do. I’m not trying to make it racial or anything, but isn’t there a black democrat with a brain that he doesn’t take out and play with available?

I’m not sure what the rest of them did, but one can hope they hung out with their families and acted like normal people for the last time in what could be 9 years.

I was going to do a schmooze the news post, but there is so much stupid shit I couldn’t cope. I’m beginning to think the news is just bad fiction designed to keep us from realizing that life is spectacular. To much happy would ruin the plans of the vast left wing and right wing conspiracies.

Well…they fucked up, because I’m borderline ecstatic. That magilla gorilla looking prick Hugo Chavez continues to follow exactly the plot that I said he would. Now his plan is to do what the lefties think George Bush intends to do here. Remove term limits and continue being in charge. This of course is a good thing. Socialism did more to stabilize the world as the antithesis to democracy than the current islamofascist opponent seems to do. We should probably get with bombing the muslims into the stone age so we can face that world conquering cocksucker Hugo. Not to get personal or anything, but what kind of parents name their fat kid Hugo?

I assume you already heard that al qaeda is bombing the hell out of the Kurds? This is also very good news in that the Kurds were always the punching bag for the muslims in Iraq, and a return to traumatizing them means that things are almost back to normal in Iraq. Does anyone really think that this is the war on terror? Not you George, go back to yanking it to the family photo album. Does anyone else think so? thought not.

How about those ratbastards in China? We now know that the Chinese government knew about the magnet issues. I’m sceptical that they didn’t know about the lead paint as well. Chinese exports have been feeding our kids lead for over 30 years….lead…it makes you retarded…..er….does a body good? What really bugs the shit out of me is that 80% of the toys sold in America are made in China, and that means there are a lot of parents that really don’t give a shit if their children are attacked or not. Nice job mom and dad.

Did you see where this heinous harlot in Tennessee shot her preacher husband in the back while he was sleeping, and got 67 days? Now I realize he was probably a rotten guy, and am even willing to grant that he did every single thing that she says he did. Fact is, he is dead and can’t dispute it. My question is why didn’t the stupid hag leave? I’m totally sick of women to dumb to get out of bad relationships getting away with murder. Her ass should rot in jail…just like his would have if he had done the same.

Theresa Earnhardt is now the wicked witch of NASCAR. First she forces the son out the business that was meant for him, and now she won’t let him have the car number he’s had since he started racing. This has obviously become a pissin contest hillbilly style, and business is no longer a part of it. You go Theresa…may you rest in peace. Not dead yet? No hurry, but when you do, …yanno

there was this huge fight out in front of the grocery store when I went and dropped the weekly C-note for sustenance. It appeared to be between some incredibly obese illiterate gals, and some over tanned, house shoe wearing hussies. The gangster boyfriends with their pants cinched around their thighs stayed out of it. I’m assuming for fear their pants would fall down. Or it may have been because the girls were tougher than they. Either way, I got WWE smackdown thrown in for free on my grocery tab. what a great country.

On the lighter side, it was discovered today that the reason Barack Obama’s message has become so shizophrenic is his new handlers are Larry, Curly, and Moe. Did this guy wake up three weeks ago and decide, man i’d rather smoke some dope than be president? also, why suddenly are the democrats so concerned about Hillary’s bad trickle down effect? Did they just realize that only Indiana votes for its Reps? Her high standing in liberal enclaves has always posed a risk for the democratic candidates seeking office in more conservative states. I think its cool…the democrats trying to sabotage one of their own. Political cannibalism. When this all works out we might have Mike Gravel as the last man standing.

I already miss Karl Rove and he isn’t even gone yet. It’s almost sad the way this wonderful administration is slinking off one by one into the sunset. Good thing they stacked the supreme court, or we’d have nothing to remember them by.

I wasn’t going to do this, because I really don’t care, but could you assmonkeys supporting Ron Paul can the conspiracy crap? The only legitimate conspiracy may be that some of his followers are really Mitt Romney fans, and are trying to convince the voters that Dr. Ron is as nutty as his supporters.

This political season it would be nice if everyone would just sit back, take a deep breath, and think about the election logically. As things now stand we have eight what I would call viable candidacies. Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Barack Obama, and Bill Richardson on the left, and Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, Mike Huckabee, and Ron Paul on the right. That’s as far as I can pare it down for now, though I really think at least three more of these could be written off right now (Richardson, Edwards, Huckabee). The only thing that keeps me from doing that is people elected George Bush twice in a row, so we shouldn’t cut out the whacko’s and perpetual losers to quickly.

so, everyone keeps talking about change. Everyone wants change. So now, with just one word for each I’ll list the only change each of these candidates brings to the table. The reason I say only is because with the exception of Ron Paul, everyone of them has the same business as usual credentials

Rudy Giuliani: accent (how does he talk like that? Does he insert something in his anus to get that pent up sound?)

Mitt Romney: twohundredandfiftymilliondollars ( I cheated…if you say it real fast though i’ll get away with it.)

Mike Huckabee: nothing

Ron Paul: integrity

One of those folks doesn’t really belong on the list. Of all these folks Ron Paul offers the only change. I don’t believe he’s capable of getting it, but we won’t really know unless he gets elected. As for me. I’m down to breasts or integrity. It’s going to be a long 6 months trying to figure out which is more important.