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Friday, August 24, 2012

If Genealogy Dominated Reality Television

Let's face it. "Reality" television is anything but real, and frankly it's getting kind of stupid. The stars of the shows are usually pretty boring, so producers cook up all these fake situations to keep the story line moving.

Think all the reality show angles are played out? Think again. The genealogy world is ripe with fresh pitches for this stale medium. Here's what our television line-up would look like if genealogy dominated reality television:

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
Seven Utah women juggle family, marriage and genealogy. In the pilot episode, sparks fly during a special trip to the Family History Library as one housewife checks out more film than she can use and proceeds to hog left-handed microfilm reader #2. Will these ladies ever patch things up? Stay tuned...

Citation House - Big Brother
What happens when you put 14 genealogy strangers in a house and film their every family history move? Who knows how to cite a diner menu as a source? Who can perform a reasonably exhaustive search the longest without falling asleep? Losers get voted out. The winner gets a 24k gold embossed copy of Evidence Explained.

You Have No Idea Who You Are
Are you related to an Indian Princess? Was your ancestor the cruise director on the Mayflower? Do you brag about how you finished your genealogy years ago? Be a star as trained professionals obliterate your family tree and highlight your glaring research errors, all for the schadenfreudian pleasure of the television audience.

Genealogy Hoarders
Weekly episodes follow the lives of genealogists and their families that don't understand that these piles of genealogy files are actually part of a "system" and if you move them, all is lost. Episode 1 follows Frank and his family as they battle to get stacks of genealogy books off the dining room table so they can stop eating dinner on tv trays in the family room. Episode 2 follows Sarah as she learns to recycle old journals and sees the top of her nightstand for the first time in three years.

Heritage Wars
A documentary-style series that highlights the best petty arguments and ego clashes at genealogy society meetings. Watch as Joe hates on Bill for drinking coffee without contributing to the coffee fund, Ann glares at society president Jill because of a miscommunication regarding the newsletter, and Barbara scowls in the last row without telling anyone what's bothering her. Get ready to rumble in HERITAGE WARS!!

Family History Pioneers
In the tradition of Texas Ranch House, PBS brings takes us back in time to 1980. Ten "pioneer" genealogists live in a house with no Internet, computer or access to digital collections. All they get are paper pedigree charts, notebook paper, envelopes and a roll of stamps. Can they adapt and survive without modern conveniences? Welcome to genealogy: pioneer style!

Conference DivasFollow the crème de la crème of genealogy society as they strut their stuff in the big leagues of national conferences. Catty gossip about colleagues? Check. Tipsy industry big-wigs revealing more than they should? Check. Exclusive invitation-only events that make you jealous except when you're invited? Check. Conference divas: you totally hate them except when they invite you to sit at the cool table and then you're besties for life. Or at least until the next conference.Get your DVRs ready but don't hold your breath. Reality television seems to have lost its way though these shows are worth some play, don't you think?

Brilliant! Of course, the Real Housewives would need at least one husband whose eyes glaze over whenever his wife talks about family history and her research. Otherwise, the program wouldn't be believable.

Hilarious as usual! I could really relate to Genealogy Hoarders, "as they battle to get stacks of genealogy books off the dining room table so they can stop eating dinner on tv trays in the family room." Substitute "files" for "books" and you've got me!

Amy, don't forget Genealogy Pawn Stars, where patriarchs battle to see whose heirlooms pull in the most moolah. In this episode, infighting within the Smith family has Jane and June doing a King Solomon number on the family Bible; while Bobby Johnson attempts to up the street cred on Great-Uncle Horace's portrait by writing the name "Whistler" in the lower corner with a neon Sharpie.

You left out Genealogy with the Stars! Professional genealogists coach stars though the process of researching their family history. Jennifer Aniston breaks down when her citations are missing several crucial elements. Leonardo DiCaprio gains lots of viewer support when he moves from census to census beginning with the 1940 and moving backwards in time. Robert Patinson gets voted off after he's caught making up people on his maternal side. Angelina Jolie wins the first season finale when she shows up with original documents in hand: birth, marriage, and death certificates for all 16 of her great-great-grandparents! Who do you want to see in the second season of Genealogy with the Stars? :-)

Deja vu vu!! This is sweet Amy!! The Amazing Genealogy Race would also be great to watch as guest stars compete on who can copy and paste online trees and sources the fastest. First up, the man who traced his way to Charlemagne in 24 hours!

Thanks for starting my day with a laugh! That formal dining room I didn't need? Covered in papers to sort, photos to scan, notebooks to fill, Grandma's jewelry box, .... is that Genealogy Hoarders ringing my doorbell?

what about when nana passes away and when the family sort through her 'trash' out comes a whole load of missing information that she was hoarding just because it made her smile in that strange when each time you say how frustrated you are not being able to figure out great grandads origins. Nana "Smiles from the other side"

Your post is hysterical and so creative! It actually made me look at all tv shows differently with a genealogy twist lol "Family Feud" has a new meaning to me now lol "How I Met Your Mother" (ability to truly depict how all the couples in one's family tree met), "Hells Kitchen" (the ability to prepare and serve accurately family dishes of the past using only the limited ingredients and cooking tools that were available at the time. Who can best feed a family of 15 on one pig and an ear of corn from the family field) lol Oh it could go on and on.