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Jennifer tells me not to worry but I am mad. The Oscar nominations came out today and I didn't get nominated for Best Director! Snubbed. I mean, Argo was nominated for Best Picture and I'm proud of that - but I wanted to be nominated for Best Director! It just kind of hurts that the Academy didn't think my work was worthy of a nomination - and also, I dunno what they're playing at, but that guy Michael Haneke was nominated and he isn't even an American - and neither is Ang Lee! What's up with that? I'm American, born and raised. I'm from BOSTON, damnit! I think the Academy should show some respect - Jenny agrees with me on this, too. She's the best :) Hi, baby! I know you're reading this!

Damon came over with some Mike's Hard. We sat in the den and talked about the Oscars and then Matt popped in Good Will Hunting again…Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, I guess. I mean, we both wrote the script, but I wasn't "Will"; I wasn't the star, I didn't get nominated for Best Actor, Matt did. It's OK though, he means well. Jenny reminded me that Matt's new movie Promised Land got bad reviews and that made me feel a little better. I know he's my friend, but sometimes I can't help but smile when a movie of his tanks a little, LOL.

After that I kinda just hung out around the house for a while. I'm trying to learn how to play "Hold On Loosely" on the guitar but I just can't get it. The chords hurt my fingers and I got frustrated so I just stopped and went to the computer and played Bejeweled while a "Cheers" re-run played on a tv in the background. Eventually Jenny came in and gave me a hug and that made me feel better, so I got up and the two of us went to an ice cream parlor to get sundaes. Unfortunately a dude with a camera was there trying to get pictures of us so I had to pull a knife on him (don't worry, I didn't have to stab him).

Somehow, Jenny and I were able to sneak out the back and we drove up to our favorite lookout spot in Malibu. As the sun set, I held my likable and charming yet still-able-to-kick-some-a** actress wife and couldn't help but wish I were holding a best director academy award statue instead. Sorry, baby. I know you're reading this :(

After about 40 minutes we were ready to head home and now here I am writing this entry. All and all it was an OK day. I didn't get nominated for Best Director but there's always next time. And who knows, maybe we'll win Best Picture! I have to count my blessings.

Everyone in the My Damn Channel office keeps telling me that I should watch FX's The League. I keep saying I don't play Fantasy Football. They keep insisting that it doesn't matter; that I will enjoy your show because I like laughing and The League makes everyone laugh. And at first I was resistant to the idea, but then I thought about how much I enjoy watching you in Daddy Knows Best, and how much that show makes me laugh, and so I thought, okay, sure, I'll watch The League. I also figured it might help me learn definitively how many N's and Z's are in your name since I knew I would be writing this post today. For the record: there are a LOT of N's and Z's in your name. Hope Beth asks you about that today when you're on My Damn Channel LIVE. That and what you think about babies in strip clubs.

Did DeVine do it again, or did Devine do it again? Showing up to the ballpark like a boss and just dropping the hot fire on our national anthem straight up. No jokes, no frills, just a straight up moving rendition of our nation's most beloved tune. Star spangled indeed, Mr. DeVine.

So thank you, Adam, once again, for giving me and so many others so much joy. We love you, sir. Have our children.

In case you missed this gem - and need a laugh on this Monday morning - here's a video you may have missed this weekend. We imagine that in the deep recesses of language that dogs and babies use to communicate, their interaction goes something like this:

[Cue the dramatic music]

Baby: My trustworthy minion - I have a mission for you. I need you to see who is in our place of slumber. Please get off of the couch and help me. My tiny legs and arms will have no affect on the intruder. Your screams are deeper and more terrifying than mine. You must help me do this or all might be lost. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Aid me and I will pet you awkwardly with my tiny hand and be forever grateful. Please help. PLEASE? No? FINE. I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS.

How long have you been waiting for the Taco Bell sauces to be available in BOTTLED FORM? Ten years? Twenty years? More? Frankly, I've never thought about it, but now that it's available I can't wait to get myself a bottle of Fire Sauce. I'm also wondering how I even lived without it all these years. With a bottle of my very own personal Fire Sauce just around the corner, it seems that living without it was just crazy talk, even though I had been doing just that.

P.S. - So apparently this has been available since February. How am I only finding out about this now? I almost cancelled this blog, but I figured if I didn't know about it, many of you had not heard about it either. You are welcome, once again!