Fox News still insisting satirical ‘food stamps for pot’ article is for real

Sometimes in life, you have to admit when you’ve made a mistake. We all make them. Even I–despite the fact that I am practically perfect in every way–have, on occasion, made a mistake. Like the time I thought Omaha was a state for a minute, or the time I tried to cut my own bangs with kitchen scissors at 3am. Mistakes!

You see, you can’t use an EBT card at an ATM to get any money from your SNAP benefits. Anywhere. The USDA prohibits it. It’s not even possible. You also cannot purchase anything other than food. Here is a list of the things you can and cannot buy with Food Stamps in Colorado, for your edification:

Eligible Food Items You Can Buy With Colorado Food Stamps

Meats, Fish and Poultry

Fruits and Vegetables

Breads and Cereals

Dairy Products

Seeds and plants which produce food for the household to eat

Food Items You Cannot Buy With Colorado Food Stamps

Beer, Wine, Liquor

Cigarettes or Tobacco

Any Nonfood Items Such As Pet Foods

Soaps, Paper Products

Household Supplies

Vitamins and Medicines

Food That Will Be Eaten In Store

Hot Foods

See? There you go. Clearly, marijuana is not on that list and there is no possible way that it ever could be. Which is why the Colorado State Legislature did not enact Ms. Marble’s bill.

However, Fox News has still not caught on to the fact that the story was a fake either, and has been up in arms for at least a week over the fact that they believe people in Colorado are being permitted to buy marijuana with their food stamps and the state just doesn’t want to do anything to prevent that!

How many people work at Fox News? There must be a lot. This isn’t even the first time they’ve been fooled by the “National Report” so you think someone there would have caught on to the fact that it’s a fake news site. Just like, one person good at reading the internet and Googling. Alas, no.