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hi my magical ones! its been a minute, huh? hope you all are well tho!!!

I’m back with a very fun post that is holiday themed because its finally December and that means I’m pumping out Christmas music non-stop and basically making everyone sick lol. But I came up with this idea this summer and I have been doodling on it on and off the past few months and I finally finished it and I’m so happy with it! I basically wrote the 12 days of Christmas: Spoonie Edition as a fun little nod to having a chronic illness during the holidays. My thought is that we need a good little giggle this holiday season!! Please enjoy!

on the first day of Christmas my illness gave to me one big dose of chronic fatigue!

on the second day of Christmas my illness gave to me two cases of Sepsis!

on the third day of Christmas my illness gave to me three mood swings!

on the forth day of Christmas my illness gave to me four cases of painsomnia!

on the fifth day of Christmas my illness gave to me, Five days in the Hospital!!!

on the sixth day of Christmas my illness gave to me six anxiety attacks!

on the seventh day of Christmas my illness gave to me seven blood draws!

on the eighth day of Christmas my illness gave to me eight doctors appointments!

on the ninth day of Christmas my illness gave to me nine new allergies!

on the tenth day of Christmas my illness gave to me ten finger sticks!

on the eleventh day of Christmas my illness gave to me eleven IVs!

on the twelfth day of Christmas my illness gave to me twelve new prescriptions!

but no matter what my illness throws at me, i keep my head up because I’m a FIGHTER!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS MY MAGICAL FIGHTERS!

XOXO -Rachel

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My life has been a roller coaster of emotion the last few weeks of 2017 and the first bit of 2018 & taking the time to sit down and write this blog… taking the time to deal and process these emotions…I’ve cried the most cleansing tears ever.

In December, my mom started experiencing extremely low blood sugars. I’m talking 20s and teens here. This triggered a month long health scare that had her spending Christmas and New Years in the hospital. She would get discharged for no more than a day before being rushed back to the hospital by ambulance. The horror ended with her, in early January, being admitted to C-ICU with a breathing tube for 5 days and waking up with brain damage.

The feeling of not knowing if my mom would even wake up and sitting at her bedside trying to figure out how to say goodbye to her was so painful. And then she woke up and she didn’t know who I was. And I was broken even worse because my mom was still here yet gone from me all at the same time. I remember sobbing violently on the way home, tears falling faster than I could wipe them. Over the next few days she made gradual improvement and was sent home and the real challenge began.

She has been confused and it’s been stressful as fuck when she doesn’t know what’s going on. But around the furbabies she gets that glimmer of her old self back and it’s wonderful but I’m so heartbroken still because I can’t talk to her like I used to. I’ve lost my best friend. I’ve lost the one person who knew me better than I knew myself and I don’t understand how I’m supposed to go on from that loss. It’s a loss that I’m not sure how to cope with because the person I lost is still here.

February has been better. I adopted two rats, Princess Leia and Primrose Everdeen. They are twin 3 month old hooded rats and they are absolutely amazing. Leia is adventurous and bold while Prim is soft, sweet and cuddly. They have brought so much joy into my life.

I’m under so much stress stepping up and taking on the head of household role while also being a caretaker and a chronically ill and mentally ill person. I’m always so tired and I’m so much pain but there’s always something to do.

February is also the time when I would be celebrating my care Bear’s first birthday this month if he hadn’t passed last July and that’s weighing on me particularly heavily right now. I still miss him so much. I’m planning a memorial tattoo of his paw print on the day he died- July 8th.

Health wise, I’m undergoing testing for damage to my liver, pancreas and heart during the month of March and I’m so nervous about it to be completely honest. My doctor changed my depression meds and anxiety meds so I’m not a weepy emotional mess… well 90% of the time that is.

Right now, it’s 3:33am. The house is quiet, I’m sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee and listening to the silence and the calm around me with only the gentle tap of my laptop keys to break the quiet. It’s moments like this, that have helped me stay sane in the last few weeks.

hi my magical ones! hope you are all well. thank you for joining me for day 28 of my 30 days of blogging! todays topic is my most embarrassing moment.

When I was in the 6th grade I was running to get to my algebra class and I was late. So I thought I would take a shortcut and run around the side of the building and go in the side doors and maybe get to class on time.

Well, I was wearing these sandals with this elastic band across the top and the toe of the shoe got caught on the sidewalk and I fell face first into a large mud puddle.

Worst part? I still had to go into my math class while covered in mud from head to toe and ask for permission to go call my mom.

My mom and I still laugh about this.

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hi my magical ones! hope you are all well. thank you for joining me for day 26 of my 30 days of blogging! todays topic is a confession.

This is a hard one to write. But here we go: I’m struggling with my book. I’m fighting to put every single word on the page. Honestly, I want to give up most days. It leaves me asking why I keep pushing myself to finish it because I don’t even know if it’s going to be any good.

But I keep going. I keep pushing myself to write. I keep putting words down even when it’s hard and my word count sucks, I keep going.

Because this is my dream and I’m so lucky to be getting the chance to be chasing my dream.

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