Hair Poem Lyrics

George Carlin Hair Poem

George CarlinFM And AMThe Hair PieceOne of the things that occurred when I began to uh, y'know, feel some changes happening to me... naturally, I was kinda still entertaining in gin joints, y'know- I realize they sell gin here, but it's really not the same as middle-class nightclubs where I spent like a lotta years and it was weird to start having hair and start having a beard and to come out, y'know, to all these folks- lotta Shriners and hookers and salesmen.which are the same as hookers, really, if you get right down to it. Uh, it was just strange. I had to find a way to break the ice. I told them a poem. I told them about my hair.

I'm aware some stare at my hairIn fact, some really despair of my hairBut I don't care'cause they're not awarenor are they debonairIn fact, they're just squareThey see hair down to theresay BEWARE and go off on a tearI say "No fair"A head that's bare is really nowhereSo be like a bearBe fair with your hairShow it you careWear it to there, or to there,or to THERE if you dareMy wife bought some hair at a fairto use as a spareDid I care? Au contraire!Spare hair is fairIn fact, hair can be rareFred Astaire got no hairnor does a chairor a chocolate eclairAnd where is the hair on a pear?Nowhere, mon frereNow that I've shared this affair of the hairI think I'll repair to my lairand use Nair, do you care?Here's my beardAin't it weird?Don't be sceered's just a beard

That's the thing. The word 'beard' shook a lot of people up. Beard! It's not American sounding. BEARD! Lenin had a BEARD! Gabby Hayes had 'whiskers'. Monty Woolley had whiskers. Yeah. Well anyway, I mention hair because I've only had extra hair for about a year now and uh, actually, it's the same hair I always had. It just used to be on the inside. I'm wearing it in a new location, that's all. And I've found there are some advantages to longer hair. For one thing, it covers the pimples on your neck. One of the disadvantages of longer hair- a lot of people think you're a Commie *** junkie. And it's tough to talk them out of three things at once. What would a Commie *** junkie sound like, y'know? (does unintelligible 'Commie *** junkie' impression)