Commitments, Commitments, Commitments

I’ve been seeing this guy for quite some time. I however don’t get the feeling he’s interested in a committed relationship. Are there any telltale signs to look for if I’m wasting my time?

RW

Dear RW,

By relationship, what do you mean? Are you sleeping with him? If that is the case you guys are already in one. Worst case scenario – you’re “friends with benefits”. You have to decide for yourself what benefits you want out of a relationship. I’m assuming you want more than a physical connection. Quit giving away the body without connecting with the mind. No, you are not some victim like everyone seems to portray themselves, you’re either selling yourself short or quite frankly have no or little self-esteem – and that doesn’t solely come from some one guy you hang out with, it’s a learned behavior from your family. You need to decide what you want from an actual relationship before you dive in to the next one. If you don’t have any respect for yourself and your goals, why should anyone else?

Dear Rocco,

My best friend has been dating this guy for about three years. At the very beginning of their relationship, he and I spent an evening together. We almost ended up in bed but we both realized in time that it wasn’t the right thing to do. I never told my friend about this little moment, and now they are happy and in love. They are planning their wedding for this autumn. I feel that this past event is keeping me from being completely open with her. It was a long time ago and I don’t even know if it would really matter to her now, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want to ruin her relationship or our friendship. Should I tell her?

ST

Dear ST,

You’re awfully dumb if you think she doesn’t already have a clue about that, unless she is completely stupid. Even if neither of you said anything about it there are certain telltale signs that give it away when the three of you are together. Speech pattern, posture and even eyes all give it away. It would be more of an issue if it happened recently. Unless there is a sexual tension there (ew!) then I wouldn’t worry about. And why are you worrying about it? Are you personally obsessed with the guy? What kind of interactions do you have now? What is your past relationship behavior? When we first start going out with someone an are around there friend, while there can be a lot of euphoria with a new relationship, there is also a lot of doubt and even a degree of despair. Both sides will wonder if they are just settling or if it’s just a fling. It seems like your best friend’s boyfriend was up to the challenge and passed. Sure it got close buy both of you did “the right thing” and the relationship not only flourished it got strong. Don’t be the turd in the punchbowl at the reception.

Dear Rocco,

About two years ago, I underwent a sex-change surgery, from male to female. I am very happy now that I have all that behind me now, but I still have one problem. I am told that I walk, and sit too much like a man – and I’m very self-conscious about it. I have been looking for help with this problem. I have even contacted several modeling and charm schools, hoping that they might be able to help me move in a more feminine manner. The problem I face is that no one will respond or follow up on my initial contacts. I’m sure this is an unusual request, but it is one that I take very seriously. I hope you might be able to send me in the right direction.

TF

Dear TF,

I’m sorry you’re having trouble with finding help. I’m surprised in this day and era that it would be an issue. I’m not sure where you live exactly so I could give you pointers, but the biggest learning tool is your eyes. Observe other women as they walk, got to local drag shows and see how others like you or the drag performers carry themselves. Sure, they may seem a little flamboyant on stage but off, they tend to carry themselves the way they want to perceive. And while I’m no way an expert of walking, I’ll give you a little advice here. The difference in walking for man and woman is shifting of balance. When a a man walks, he tends to hand on his heel and then the rest of the foot lands. In a woman they seem to put most of the weight on the front of the foot or ball. With heels it makes it more difficult to walk any other way. Yeah, I realize it seems like your walking on your tippy toes, but you’ve got to understand this was a learned behavior from centuries ago. Remember ancient China foot binding was regular practice. Walking is one of the ways that can distinguish the boys from the girls – which there is a difference if you or anyone else likes or not. Just keep your eyes open, always cross your legs if you’re wearing a dress or skirt – don’t advertise the goods for free, relax and enjoy your life.

Dear Rocco,

I am 34 years old and have been an introvert all my life. I simply feel more comfortable to talking to some people and tend to clam up around others. Since I have this shyness and insecurity, people sometimes think I act like a snob. I feel bad about this and have few friends. Some people have told me I have a phony smile. It is bothering me that people I meet are getting the wrong impression. I want to make more friends. Help!

DC

Dear DC,

In today’s world you’re doing fine. I’m not sure how many friends you really need. You need to define what you consider a friend. There are those out there that you never hear much from unless they want something from you. Most friends in life are actually acquaintances. They are there for the good times or when you can do something for them. When the chips are down or you need help that will show you who your real friends are – and it will shock you. If you want more friends, smile a little more in public – and not like a forced smile like Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory. A warm smile makes us more approachable – a forced one like a stalker. Find what hobbies, etc. that you like and start hanging out in places that support your interests and then friends will be easier to find when you surround yourself with people of similar interests. Also, if people say you are forcing a smile, what is making you smile like that? Look ionto yourself and your past to see what may have affected the persona you display today.

Rocco is a common sense, tell-it-like-it-is, no-nonsense kind of guy offering real advice on any subject put before him. Why pay thousands of dollars on a high-priced therapist when he’ll straighten you out for free. If you’d like advice from Rocco e-mail him at goaskrocco@yahoo.com.