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Tuesday, July 9, 2013

People... Nice?

It's been a busy four days! On Saturday I drove, with my sister and nephew on board, from Rapid City back home to Saint Louis. I stay busy today with a radio interview then a drive to Indy and tomorrow starts the USAC .25 Battle at the Brickyard (I'll post the link of where you can watch the racing sometime later this week) but what I want to talk about today is an event that occurred on Sunday.

The last time my sister and nephew were in Saint Louis it was 2001 so it obviously had been a while so we went downtown to eat at my favorite pizza place then go to the Arch. (Speaking of The Arch, that reminds me of a story we wrote for the National Park Service in regards to being on the spectrum and visiting the Arch) With the Cardinals in town parking was at a premium so my dad dropped us off and parked north of the arch leaving the three of us to eat. Afterwards we had to walk to the Arch and that is where this story picks up.

If you've been to my presentation you'll know that I mention that, in public, I am always looking down to avoid eye contact. This is my way to avoid social encounters. On the walk to the Arch, however, my sister was making normal eye contact and a very odd thing happened; people said hello in a friendly manner.

I was confused by this all because, in my mind, people that don't know each other never acknowledge each other. Yes, I know, that mindset would create a very closed off and cold world, but since random encounters are difficult this would and eye contact is the initiator that then would mean eye contact is bad.

We walked another block and another person said, "hello" in the friendliest of manners. I stuttered in my step as I was now utterly confused as to what I was witnessing. And it got stronger as another block and another friendly, "hello." What was going on? Are people... nice?

In one of my original chapters I wrote for my book I wrote something along the lines of, "people are mean and since they are mean they are not worth knowing." Using that logic would further the concept of avoiding eye contact because eye contact is the path which leads to meeting people which, since they are mean, is a path that shouldn't be traveled. I wrote that line after a massive social disaster happened and while I don't believe, in full, that line today I still am highly timid around those I don't know. I still have that line that floats through my head; do I believe it? As I said, not in full but there's this alert that flows through my body that repeats that and often says, "be careful... be careful... people are mean... and random."

As we continued to walk I began thinking if my logic I had feeds upon itself. What I mean by that is; because I am always looking down, and probably looking as if I'm concerned or worried, those around me leave me alone or, and this is a BIG point, or they draw the same conclusion I fear the world is about me. Meaning, they see me looking down and closed off and think, "people are mean..."

We got to the Arch and I snapped this awesome photo but my mind was fully consumed in wondering if my thought on others creates that environment. Well, not exactly creates that environment but makes people as timid of me as I am of them. If this is true it is a self-repeating cycle that just gets stronger and stronger with each social disaster. I'll have to do some more thought on this, but as for the next four days I've got the biggest USAC .25 Generation Next series race to flag at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

Aaron, have you ever heard the term "self-fulfilling prophecy?" I think you may have created that a bit for yourself when I read this line, "be careful... be careful... people are mean... and random."

That is a VERY poignant line as it is at once untrue...and very true. Sorry to be cryptic. What I mean is, people are not, on the whole, mean. But, people are, without a doubt, random. As you've stated often in these posts, you try to anticipate everything that a person could do or say or act in any number of situations. But even the most well known friend or family member you have can, at any time, act differently than you expect. Some would say that's the spice of life. Other's, especially those on the spectrum, would say it's what makes life miserable at times.

So, you go through life saying to yourself that people are mean, then of course it's what you're going to see. But, I have definitely seen that you do recognize that this isn't always the case. Is it easier to be prepared for the worst? Some would say so (especially my wife whom I lovingly nicknamed Mrs. Worst-Case-Scenario.) It is one way to go through life and deal with things as they come at you. But, as long as you can see that there is good out there and there are friendly people, you'll find that you aren't alone in the world. Even if you'd prefer it that way sometimes.

Sorry to have rambled on today. Sometimes your thoughts just really get my own mind buzzing and today was one of those days. Enjoy the race and can't wait to read about your experiences there.

Who I Am

Hello, my name is Aaron Likens and thanks for visiting my blog. I am the Autism Ambassador for Easter Seals Midwest and also the author of the book "Finding Kansas. My passion in life is to raise the awareness and understanding of the autism spectrum through this blog as well as the many presentations I give. For myself, as much as it is a passion, it is personal because I was given the diagnosis of Asperger's when I was 20. Back then there wasn't much info and I fell into a pit of despair. I stayed there for 15 months but then I eventually discovered myself through writing and now here I am and here you are on my blog. There are well over 1,000 posts on this blog as I started blogging in March of 2010. So whether you're reading today's blog, or are skimming through stories of the past, I hope that your time here gives you a better glimps of what living life on the autism spectrum, or, "other side of the wall" is like. If you do like what you see please follow me on Facebook as that's where I share when I've written a new blog as well as announcing where I will be presenting. Please note that the opinions expressed on this blog are mine and may not be reflective of Easter Seals Midwest.

The Sunglasses Experiment

I ran a sunglasses experiment to judge why eye contact is so difficult. I wore them for about 15 days, then I switched back to my normal glasses to see how big of a difference there was. By clicking my picture you can be taken to the page that has the complete experiement all in one place.

About Me

I am the Autism Ambassador for Easter Seals Midwest and also the author of Finding Kansas: Living and Decoding Asperger's Syndrome. My passion in life is raising awareness of Autism Spectrum Disorders and to help the world understand how the mind of a person on the spectrum works. I can do this because I am on the spectrum (Asperger's).
I was diagnosed at the age of 20 and after the diagnosis a lot of my quirks made sense. I didn't understand who I was though and went into a deep depression. Through this depression though I became very keen on my inner self and I started to write. I wrote and I wrote and before I knew it I wrote a book.
5 years later I am, among other things, giving presentations to police, teachers, and parents and am now starting my quest on making the best blog possible!
The views on this blog are mine and may not be reflective of Touch Point Autism Services.
If you have any questions, or comments, or have an article idea please email me at aaron.likens@yahoo.com.