Our Marriage is Falling Apart

My wife wants to leave me as our marriage is falling apart

When your wife tells you she wants to separate, she will not have made the decision overnight. Yes, you will be shocked and distressed. However, telling you she wants the marriage to end will also be causing her a considerable amount of distress.

A woman’s identity is formed around the success of her relationship with her man. Therefore she does not make her decision lightly.

In the USA, more women file for divorce on the grounds of emotional neglect than of physical abuse.

A woman who says she wants to separate is feeling emotionally neglected (at worst) or taken for granted (at best). For probably many reasons, she is interpreting that you don’t care about her or her feelings.

Although you may still have sexual intimacy, your wife may feel there is no emotional intimacy, and that she can’t discuss with you how she feels about anything that’s important to her.

Has she perhaps tried talking to you but you have dismissed her or not taken her seriously? If this is the case, she will now be feeling upset, angry or resentful.

As a man, you will probably respond like this: you tell her that you love her and you want her to stay. And that she has a lot to lose by separating from you!

But the content of your words is way less important than the context.

Remember, your wife has not made an overnight decision. She is not feeling loved. She is not feeling valued or respected.

She is feeling powerless to change the way things are, hence her request for a separation.

Your suggestion to get away for a romantic weekend together, or perhaps having a regular date night, is not a solution at this time.

It is too little too late.

A quick fix now, doesn’t give her what she needs.

What she needs is a long term “rock”, someone she trusts will be there for her, who will give her attention, who will consider her and respect her in the future.

Now is your chance to start getting things back on track. The space that is created by a separation gives you both some time to calm down and to think and act rationally, perhaps even better. It may even give her the chance to miss you! (Although not if you stay the way you are now.)

At least things won’t get worse by irrational actions or angry words. These can drive even more or a wedge in your marriage. It is much better to avoid these situations by moving out or allowing the space.

A woman’s unhappy feelings often come from feeling emotionally abused or neglected.

Does your man dismiss you when you try to talk to him about how your feel?