the lizards are out there

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

The trouble with cautious optimism is that it’s such a paranoid little fuck. After yesterday’s bold musings about the endings of the depressions, the very valid concerns regarding my track record with such things started popping up out of the oddest places. Especially when the idea occurred to me that what I should really do with this story, since I started at the end, was to rewind it in increments, working back to the beginning, and see how far that would go. I would do this with one post per day until done, no matter (almost) what.

You can see how scary such a thought process might be to a punk-ass flake like myself, yes? I don’t think I have any major “being a disappointment” moments left before everyone gives up on me, you know.

But let me tell you this right now, in no uncertain terms: my butt hurts. And by hurts, I mean there’s at least one bruise I can feel with my hands. Don’t ask. And don’t worry, this is all a perfectly normal part of doing something that’s way beyond yourself in order to make a bold gesture of some sort in order to prove some thing or another, the proof-of-concept on the fixing of me that I’m always on about.

But I’m a little less nervous about the whole grand plan tonight, though, because apparently I am really serious. Because when I was preparing to leave from work at 8:17 PM after a 9 hour day and ride 10 miles in the cold and the dark, and my colleagues offered me a company car for the night, I said no thanks. And I must admit, I’m every bit as glad I made that decision as I thought I’d be when I made it. Because riding is as amazing as it always was, maybe even more so. And as far as getting to the feeling good part, that happened in an astonishingly short time this time, the energy increases with each successive ride, and I can’t explain this.

I am, however, beginning to worry about the blog every day part. This one feels forced, wouldn’t flow. Also, shouldn’t I not be blogging about blogging? Please bear with me, I’m rusty at almost everything I’m doing (or re-doing) these days.

EDIT: “I would do this with one post per day until done, no matter (almost) what.” HAHA oh that’s a good one.