Tyrese Gibson was on Attack of the Show last night talking to Candace Bailey about his R & B album, and while pretending to give a sh*t about Tyrese Gibson’s R & B album should warrant serious Emmy consideration, more relevant to our interests was Gibson’s story about working with Michael Bay.

There was a Maybach, probably one of three in the world… there was a big stunt that we had to do. It was supposed to be a stunt driver driving this car, and it ended up being a PA [production assistant, basically the lowest grunt on the film/TV production totem pole]. Now, this car costs about $4 million dollars. And the PA ran the Maybach into a wall. So Michael Bay, he flipped out. “I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!” And then he had an aha moment, where he sat down and was like, [out of breath] “I need a Big Mac.” A Big Mac calmed Michael Bay down. And so here it is, this Maybach, he flips out, they fly a Big Mac to the set, and now he’s just sittin’ there, he’s got a little vein coming out his forehead, and he’s chewing on this Big Mac.

Can you imagine any place in the world far enough from a McDonald’s location that getting a Big Mac there would necessitate a plane flight? The answer is no, you can’t, but they flew it anyway because Michael Bay doesn’t consider it a favor if it doesn’t burn jet fuel. The other thing I should point out is that between Michael Bay’s Big Mac demands and Kevin James’ infamous cheeseburger trough, one might be tempted to draw a parallel between schlocky Hollywood fare and a love of McDonald’s. But I think that’s merely a coincidence. More likely is that Michael Bay has sold product placement to his entire life. Anger = have a Big Mac. Party at my house? P Diddy’s vodka. Relationship trouble? Ask Siri. You live a baller life like Michael Bay, sponsors are naturally going to demand a piece of the action, and he’d be stupid not to take it. Don’t be naive, bro, this is how Hollywood works.

The Michael Bay story starts at the 4:09 mark. Before that it’s just Tyrese soulfully singin’ about he he’s going to treat you right, ladies. He’ll go the “extra mile to make you smile, and just to make your day.” He’ll “go out of his way and do whatever it takes.”

I call BS. That cheerleader with a Big Mac head isn’t running away from an explosion.

I do find it awesome that no matter how many hundreds of millions of dollars Michael Bay movies cost to make, in the end, Bay still has to make the Corman-esque decision of “Shit, we got no one to drive the fucking car? Who here can drive stick? No not you, Shia, definitely not you. *snort* Anyone else?”

This is an amazing story, and an even better picture, but I think you misunderstand Tyrese. “Fly a (blank) to set” is just production parlance for “get it here quickly.” It’s a pretty common phrase on set, and is often answered by a PA or other staff member calling out “flying in” over walkies. Sorry to crush your jet setting fantasies, Vince.