With the recent FMNFing and the new armada of Coaching staff sailing into the Bay of OilersNation, there is bound to be a ton of changes in the approach to the game of hockey, the personnel involved on the ice and the overall attitude at RX1.

Given that the team has been a steaming cup of shitanusly mediocre hockey these past three years, a whole new approach is pretty much A-OK with everyone who is involved with this team, both in the stands and off the ice.

Whether or not GM Tambellini is going to be able to shed some of the heavy contracts and be freed up to chase new (read: better) players remains to be seen. But what is clear is that the list of underachieving meat bags is long and the potential destinations for said bags of meat is short. While a great many current Oilers may not be around to see the puck drop on opening night, three players spring to mind as those who could benefit most from a coaching change.

For many of these doghousian Oilers, this will be their last chance in an Oilers uniform.

Rob “Last chance to amount to anything” Schremp

It’s no surprise to anyone who pays rapt attention to the Oilers that Schremp is pumped to see his career nemesis head on to other (as yet unnamed) opportunities. “It would be nice, obviously, if I’d been playing in the NHL the last couple of years, but this is what the organization wanted to do with me, develop me in Springfield,” Schremp was quoted recently saying in a Yahoo sports article. “So that’s that path you have to take. Hopefully I’m on track to play in the NHL next year. Hopefully it’s a new opportunity. But I think the organization has had my best interests in mind since I’ve been drafted. It’s not just MacTavish, it’s the whole organization that has to make plays with my career. They want to develop me and make sure I’m ready. Hopefully next year is the year I make it. I hope that’s what the plan is.”

Don't you worry about what the plan is there Robbie. There is a solid plan and the Oilers are executing it. Why the plan called for making the SCF06 then missing the playoffs for the next three years we will never know - but there is a plan. Believe that. Perhaps rather than worrying about the plan ol’ Lord Schrempington might instead get out of his own way long enough to make something of an NHL career.

By all accounts Schemp’s attitude is quite poor but his hands are by all same accounts s-i-c-k. But as any one of the 1000 YouTube sensations will attest, sick hands don’t get you no NHL career in this day and age.

Dustin “Donair Please” Penner

Even we are starting to feel for Dustin Penner. On a team with an incurable case of mediocre craptitis, DDPP is the poster boy for what is ailing with the Oil. Invisible down the stretch, quiet on many nights, the Donairan one still found a way to pot 17 tucks and collect 37 points last season which really ain’t too bad if you step back, ignore his contract and squint at the stats page. It’s kinda like a magic eye – the beauty might not reveal itself right off the bat.

But much like Schremp, Penner is playing below his immense potential and could certainly use a change of coaching pace after MacT, who threw DDPP under the bus on a few occasions last year and generally didn’t get along with #27 most of the time. Fortunately for Penner it was the Coach that ended up leaving town not him and perhaps the new coaching staff and a fresh approach is exactly what he needs to elevate his game.

Robert “Muffin man” Nilsson

We used to love us some Robert Nilsson back in his rookie year. Quick on the wing, sporting a cool half visor and a big part of that “let’s-go-on-a-run-down-the-stretch-with-only-rookies-only-to-break-Wanye’s-heart-again” run back in 07-08.

He was able to keep himself busy during last year on many nights distributing little muffins all over the ice: when he was carrying the puck, when he nervously entered the corners, when he was directing soft little flubbers on net. Despite all this fresh baked softness he only able to score 9 goals.

9 goals – despite all the PP and ice time.

9 measly goals.

If we were coaching the Oil and Nilsson had 9 paltry goals in a season we would hire his Dad Kent to come over as a special consultant to the team. His only duty – beating his son without mercy and forcing the two to share a room on the road. That would learn the little bastard. But we suppose some of these finicky racehorses are sometimes better suited to a soft touch and by all accounts Mr. Renney and his velvet gloves should bring exactly that to the table.

Thinking about the 09-10 season

When we lie awake at night in our bed - pictured above - we often now worry about how good the Oilers will be next year. We worry long and hard. If the Oil are going to do anything but repeat the same monstrous disappointment of last year, these three players above are going to have to have a big say in it. We would go so far as to suggest that as goes these three underachievers so goes the team.

9 Goals Nilsson.
You oughta be ashamed.

Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me.
Tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes. Find me on instagram for photos of donairs.

For better or worse, I think we may be stuck with DDPP and Robert Nilsson for the next couple of seasons. I'm optimistic that Quinn/Renney should be able to get something out of these two that Mact never could.

As far as Schremp goes, despite the Oilers organization's best efforts to strip away any trade value that this guy would have, I believe he will be packaged up with a real player in the offseason.

If Schremp just once said "Obviously I need to bust my tail in the gym this summer and come to camp with the goal to leave my guts on the ice every shift. And I need to go there showing as much passion for the game as I possibly can. This is my last chance to be in the NHL and I know it." Instead of "they owe me a spot", then I might be on board with the guy.

As far as Nilsson goes, he's the goods - one game outta ten. If he comes to camp with the fear of god (Quinn) in him and keeps the pedal to the floor all year long, he could be something special. I know it's blasphemy to say this here here, but the original kid line (Cogs, Nils, Gags) had some juice and I'd love to see all those guys get it together as a unit.

@ David S:
Last year was a sh*t-nami tidal wave of sh*t and the "kid line" had their chance at the beginning of the season. They threw sh*t-muffins at the sh*t opposition on sh*t RX1 ice in a sh*t old arena in a sh*t division. If sh*tmaster Schremp stops feeling sorry for himself and doesn't mind lighting up sh*t AHL teams for a season I'd give him a chance.

There is no Erik Cole poster since his treachery. We all need to start thinking about our stars and goats for next year. I am hoping there are some offseason moves that might change my picks but I have two players in mind already.

@ freeze:

You Sir, are welcome. Rick on the other hand with all his math loving, stats double checking BS has never laughed a day in his life. He isn't welcome.

@ David S:
Last year was a sh*t-nami tidal wave of sh*t and the “kid line” had their chance at the beginning of the season. They threw sh*t-muffins at the sh*t opposition on sh*t RX1 ice in a sh*t old arena in a sh*t division. If sh*tmaster Schremp stops feeling sorry for himself and doesn’t mind lighting up sh*t AHL teams for a season I’d give him a chance.
Anyways, no more sh*t talk till we’re back in power…

Those were his stats for the year before. I'll give you a little tidbit about how I write my articles Rick. I envy Willis' ability to calculate all his crazy stats and I can't interpret them as he does.

As a result I usually will put one or two facts in the articles that are wrong to see if anyone notices. Half the time no one does and the incorrect #s are entered into the internet vault for all time.

Most of the rest of my time is spent kissing the Hannah Montana pillow.

What's the donair place called that is beside the bubbles? That place is a zoo most nights. I once witnessed the craziest brawl inside that place after the bars shut and the donair cook came out with the gigantic sword he used to shave the meat and threatened the fighters.

We all need to start thinking about our stars and goats for next year.

Are we allowed to gloat over our picks from last year yet? Did I miss the posting for that?

I had Nilsson for goat. 9 goals. The defence rests, your honor.

I picked Cogs for star, leaving the 'safe' first-line picks for others. Since Cogs was typically among the least-bashed players on the Nation last year, I take that as a 'good-enough' indicater of star-power for that roster.

I'd like to cut DDPP some slack, I am going to make up my mind on him after a season of having a coach who coachs and doesn't beat him with a stick when he is bad. I would also likt to wait until he has a season of playing his prefered position instead of playing the 3rd and 4th lines on the wrong wing....you know 17 goals, all things considered, is not bad.....

Nice work Wanye, though I think the best case for Penner should be a bit higher. With proper motivation you know he could get 30 goals... particularly if he isn't buried on the fourth line. He could be good for 60 plus a year if he would just move his feet and impose his will a bit more. I hope they are riding him hard this summer - is he ging to go visit Chad Moreau? I think that would help.

Schremp is a frickin babypants dork. He will get a job in the NHL if he works hard and puts up points. He did neither in the AHL last year so why does he expect an NHL job. What a dork. He better bring his kneepads and a good attitude to camp or it's all over for him.

Nilsson... we won't get anything for him right now. He has potential so I would like to see what the new coaching staff can do with him. I wouldn't give up on him just yet, but nine goals is pretty bad. Marty Reasoner had 14 last year... just as a comparison.

The donair shop at Jasper and 121st. Man those guys pour on that spicy meat at 3:00 in the morning! A regular is a super anywhere else. And their Super is just ridiculous. Their poutine is pretty good too.

High Voltage on Gateway and 63rd grills their donairs. I know you shouldn't mess with the magic that is donair, but the grilling with oil and spices was delicious. Don't worry, the meat still comes of a rotating spit that has been turning the same piece for days. What do they do with that meat at night is what I want to know? Just keep it rotating? Turn it off and leave it? Refrigerate it? Throw it in a dumpster? If so, I'll be hanging out behind donair shops every night until my heart stops.

The only negative of the cup run of '06, besides losing of course, was the rash of people getting sick from under cooked donair meat (Not making this up). Apparantly, it was so busy and the stores on Whyte were selling them so fast, the meat didn't have time to properly cook on the spit before being sliced off.

I had a few during the run too, but luckily my stomach was filled with enough booze to kill off the bacteria. Is there anything a copious amount of alcohol can't do?...

*Twinges as the anticipation of drinking tonight jolts through his body like a strike of lightning. Drinking problem? What drinking problem?

@ Ender the Dragon:
I had Grebs for my star after being challenged to do so by WG when I tried to defend him from Wayne's brutal attack ads. I think I also had Hemmer as a star, but that was a safe bet....I think...

Pretty sure I had Dustin 'Snacks' Penner as my goat, but I can't remember for sure.

@ David S:
I am seriously thinking about a donair too now. I only roll two places in town for donairs. Queen Donair on 154st and Stony Plain Road and the Donair Station in the west end near Terra Losa.
Anyone else have a champion donair eatery to shout out?

Well I had other plans, but a donair it is. SUBJOINT in Fort Saskatchewan makes thee best donairs.

I'm not sure why the coaching change is portrayed so often as good for Schremp. If Quinn wants:

a) every line to be somewhat reliable in any given situation

and

b) prefers up-tempo physical play

where does Schremp fit in? At least under MacTavish there was a designated soft minutes line (although Schremp couldn't crack it) to deploy offensive specialists. It doesn't sound like Quinn plans to do anything of the sort.