Once upon a time there was a girl named Alice Liddell who was the founder of my legacy. She turned out to be a major bitch and I hated her. A bunch of not-worthy-to-mention shit happened, and then she died. MOVING ON…

… Or not.

Reg: “AHHHHHHHHHH ALICE WHYYYYYYYY? WHY ALICEEEEEEEEEE?”

Okay, Reg, let’s calm the fuck down. She really wasn’t that great.

Reg: “MY WIFE IS DEEEEEEAAAADDDDDD”

… >:( Holy hell, CHILL OUT! You’ll be joining her soon, anyway.

Reg: “:'( What?”

What?

Bri: “You know, I think Mom’s death was for the best. She’s in a better place now.”

Reg: “SHE’S DEAD”

Bri: “Yes, Dad, I know, but-“

Reg: “Oh, yeah, yeah, very interesting. Why don’t you just write a book about it?”

I think Alice’s death affected Bri more than she let’s on. She’s been painting pictures of blond-haired women nonstop.

Bri: “Death makes a huge impact on one’s life. I’ve been surrounded by an aura of darkness from everyone’s mourning, so I’m transferring those emotions onto paper so they don’t torture my soul.”

Eilonwy: “Yeah, okay, Mom. Why don’t I just take that load of shit and tie a nice pretty bow around it?”

Reg: “Eilonwy, don’t talk to your mother like that! This family is in mourning right now. We need to be there for one another.”

And then Bri sent her upstairs to change into something more demure, as if to somehow force the evil out of her.

Eilonwy: “EVERYTHING… I HATE IT”

Eilonwy: “So if the first Death Star was 160 km wide in diameter and it was approximately 3 times that distance away from Alderaan when it destroyed the planet with it’s superlaser, then the second Death Star, which is 900 km wide in diameter, will have a superlaser that will reach a distance 6 times bigger than the previous 3 times! Which means that I will be as far away from this hell hole as is possible when I blow it up! heh… heh heh HA! HAHAHAHAHAA”*

*I have actually never seen Star Wars, so please don’t yell at me if it looks like I have no idea what the fuck I am talking about because I’m telling you straight forward that I really don’t.

LOOK WHO IT IS!

Yeah, so at the end of last chapter when I said that Alice would be back, it was pretty much a given that I meant she’d be back as a ghost… Unless, of course, you thought that I would feed her ambrosia, in which case I HIT YOU IN THE HEAD WITH A SHOVEL

Alice: “Why would I even want to come back to this shitty place? I’m having a BLAST in Hell. This guy who calls himself “Billy the Sim” just showed me how to kill 21 fucking sims at once.”

Reg: “ALICE I’VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH. DON’T EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN”

Alice: “Yeah, yeah, same here, I love you, blah blah. Listen, I’m going to poof back to the Netherworld in a bit, but before I do that I need to rub my ectoplasm all over Phillip’s bed.”

Phillip: “DAMMIT. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO WASH DEMON SWEAT OUT OF THE COVERS?!

DO YOU?!?”

I don’t know about you guys, but I really don’t like the animation when ghosts poof away. I think it looks like someone let a huge one rip.

h0ttfr3$hpr1nz: so thn i tld her 2 get of nd she poofd away nd it lukd lyk she fartd lol

naughtybeauty: LOL <3 ur so brav

And here is a picture of the new garage/barn which is pretty much a carbon copy of one already existing on another lot.

Originality? What’s that?

Phillip: “This fire pit symbolizes what I’m feeling in my soul. I will get my hands on a Proton Pack. Just wait, Grandma…“

LaShawn: “You know, I bet if I just left this lot and moved to Sunset Valley no one would even notice.”

Reg: “… Or care, don’t forget that. :D”

LaShawn: “D:”

Reg: “Something is wrong. And it’s not the fact that this damn teleporter is broken. AGAIN”

Sorry.

Grim: “REGINALD LIDDELL! I have gotten a special request from a Miss Alice to summon you to the great Beyond!”

Reg: “‘The great Beyond?’ You mean like Bed, Bath, and Beyond? I never knew that I could find death in a department store!”

Grim: “Yeah, it really isn’t that hard to find. It’s just past the smelly candle isle and behind the mountains of Tupperware. We get strays falling in all the time, but we just feed them to Cerberus. So you gonna come freely or do I have to knock you out cold like that damn wife of yours?”

Reg: “I don’t see the need for a struggle. I just want to see my lovely wife again!”

Grim: “Hell yes! Now she’ll get off my back! Those piggyback rides were cramping my style.”

And there you have it! Our founders are DEAD. I can’t say I’ll miss them because they’ll be haunting this damn house as if it were the Haunted Mansion. >:(

LaShawn: “WAHHHHHHHHHHH REGINALDDD! HE WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THIS HOUSE THAT I KIND OF LIKED”

LaShawn: “Waffles?”

Shut up.

Bri: “My son is turning into a young adult… I am not excited.”

Eilonwy: “Cake.”

LaShawn: “TOOT”

So Phillip is a prince, right? A prince that rides horses and saves the princess from a fire-breathing dragon/evil fairy, and he grows up to be a STICK? lol no.

Phillip: “All the ladies will want me now *flexes*”

Yeah, if you keep your mouth shut.

Maureen Bagley: “FOOD. I LIKE IT”

Phillip: “Yeah, I can tell.”

At first I thought that Maureen was kind of ugly, so I brought her home and put her in the body sculptor and…

FUCK

This is what it was like for 5 or 6 other women. I was ready give up and slit my jugular because I was so damn ANGRY that EVERYONE LOOKS THE FUCKING SAME, until…

Eilonwy brought the lovely Dana Dean home from school, and I heard the angels go “Hallelujah!”

Eilonwy: “How many times do I have to say it? 2 plus 2 equals fish.”

Dana: “I’m pretty sure the answers 4…”

Eilonwy: “Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

I’m impatient, and I didn’t want to wait for her to grow up on her own, so I just did it. Is that breaking the rules? Oh well. Watch me cry over it. I don’t give a shit.

LOOK AT IT! ISN’T IT CUTE?! AND I BUILT IT! ME! I can’t believe it myself… I’m still remembering the Liddell’s second home.

Look! A garden! Or, um, lack thereof… But I will get around to it someday, I swear!

I cute wittle pond is in the back left-hand corner of the lot.

I also added on a sun room and a POOL! WITH DOLPHINS ON THE BOTTOM!

i luff dolphins <3

Okay, back to the legacy… >:(

Phillip: “Look, how about we make a deal? If you marry me, I’ll give you this extra-shiny ring, and we won’t have to go through that whole dragon-thing, kay?”

Dana-now-Aurora: “MY EYES”

Damn it, Aurora! You don’t look so ugly from this angle. Do me a favor and go climb the ugly tree and at least ATTEMPT to hit every branch on the way down, kay?

Aurora: “Your words… they make me so… SO…”

Aurora: “ANGRYYYYYYYYRAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR”

HOLYSHITPYROMANIACWHAT?

SOMEONE CALL THE FUCKING FIRE DEPARTMENT!

Aurora: “lol jk nvm”

Never mind? WHAT? You just scared the HELL out of me and then cost me (insert amount here) simoleons, and you think it’s FUNNY?

That’s it, bitch. You’re jailbait now.

… JK! She’s actually getting a job in the law enforcement career because her LTW is to be a super spy, or something…

Hmm… I wonder what Alice will sa-

Alice: “WHATTHEFUCK? HE DID WHAT?! NO FUCKING WAY. PHILLIP MARRIED A FUCKING COP?! THAT SON OF A BITCH, SOMEONE’S GOING TO GET KNIFED IN THE FACE TONIGHT”

Aurora: “I know that we haven’t met on the best of terms, but you can’t ignore the fact that your grandson and I are getting married.”

Alice: “He’s no grandson of mine. I’m officially disowning him from my family.”

Aurora: “You can’t disown him! He’s a possible heir!”

Alice: “Eilonwy has been growing up just fine, thank you.”

Aurora: “Are you kidding?! She chants to Darth Vader and makes voodoo dolls in her spare time. I don’t think-“

Alice: “If you want to wake up in the morning, I suggest that you don’t finish that sentence.”

Bri: “I’m a bitch. I’m a bitch. I’m a bitch bitch bitch…”

That’s the first thing that came to my mind when I saw this picture.

Adult!Eilonwy!

boooo. She’s too sexy.

And another birthday.

Just, please, ignore these pictures. Birthdays are the bane of my existance. My brain becomes the consistency of jell-o when I look at these pictures and I am incapable of thinking of some witty remark. I wouldn’t include them at all, but, you know, they are kind of obligatory. >:(

Alice: “If I could just hack into Kat’s WordPress account, I could make it so that Eilonwy is heir. Phillip can go rot with Gracey, for all I care. Goddamn you, Phillip, goddamn you.”

WTF ALICE! STOP!

Alice: “EILONWY MUST BE HEIR. I WILL NOT HAVE THAT HALF-BREED CARRY ON MY BLOOD”

Shut up and let me talk, will you? I have decided to start a little contest between Phillip and Eilonwy. Basically, whoever can pop out the uglier spawn wins.

I got the idea when I saw this guy at Phillip and Aurora’s wedding (at which I didn’t get a picture of them because, oops, I’m a shithead), and I decided that I had to see what his and Eilonwy’s children would look like, so…