Family Motto: Spero meliora. (Loosely translated as, "I hope for better things")
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Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Socially Unacceptable Humour.

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presumeshe was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you getreincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said shewould like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously notlistening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for theworst. So, I returned to the charity shop to get all of her clothes back.

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around andtalking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in awheel chair."

At the Senior Citizens Centre they had a contest the other day. I lostby one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?Apparently the correct answer was Africa ! Who knew?

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thingcommonly found in cells. It appears that Blacks is not the correctanswer either.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping centre, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the newbomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least theydrive slowly past schools.

A friend of mine has just told me he's getting it on with hisgirlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" Hesaid, "Her brother's got a moustache."

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it onFacebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thingI know, 4,000 Muslims have added me as a friend!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, Isaid to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel inmy room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn,you sick bastard."

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we would love to, but ourgarden hose only reaches the driveway.