How to let your potential bridesmaids know it is ok to decline

I am not one of those people who will be offended if I ask a friend to be a bridesmaid and they say no, and it fact I want to let them know that it is ok to decline the responsibility as it is an expensive one! I currently have 7 girls in mind, 3 of which I know it might be difficult because one is also planning a wedding and the other two are her sisters. Her wedding is only a few months after mine. I have not officially asked anyone yet, but I have mentioned to them that I would like them to be in my wedding and have given them the out three times but I kinda get the feeling they are only saying yes because they are my close cousins and they don’t want to hurt my feelings. Having said that, would it be ok to send out letters to all my potential bridesmaids asking them officially with a response card type thing giving them the option to decline or not? I would still like them all to be honored regardless of their choice because they are all so close to me, so those who decline would be considered honorary bridesmaids and included in the program as well but will not stand with me. I want to avoid the…”Yes, I will be your bridesmaid” and then at the last minute they change their mind once plans are made. Any opinions on how to approach this letter?

I just told my best friend, as I was asking her if she’d like to be my MOH, that I know it’s an expense and a time commitment and I sincerely would not be offended or have hurt feelings if she declined. All you can really do is be open & honest with your friends and trust them to have the courage to decline the offer.

@rebwana: Yes, I believe face to face is better! But I also feel like that makes them feel more obligated to say yes. So I was thinking them filling out a response card would make their decision easier. I mean it just makes me think about all the shy ppl who suddenly become these outspoken ppl through email or social media. IDK, I guess I have some things to think about! Thanks for the response!!

Maybe ask face to face and say you aren’t going to accept a response now, you want them to have a chance to think over the time and financial issues – and you REALLY understand if they say no – you’d rather they be a guest than put themselves in a difficult position.

If you really want to make it easy on them … make it “opt in”. As in, If I haven’t heard that you want to do this by Feb 1, I’ll assume that it won’t work for you, and that saying no is just too difficult of a conversation.

@cassiedoonie: Everyone you are going to ask to be BM will be invited to the wedding, so you should tell all your friends and they can all start saving. Later on, you can figure out who you want to have as BMs and who should simply attend as a guest.