All thanks to Bill Gates, owner of planet earth, and surest bet that you won't be the last person left behind. BillG is Twittering and is on Facebook again. Has anyone with so much money ever been dragged into the gutters of the Internets so quickly and with so little effort? I think not!

BillG, I ask, what were you thinking? Did you have a paperclip for an advisor? Yes, you do. Yes, you do, my friend.

First of all, you are very late to the party. The only people doing this Twittering and Facebook thing are widowers, singles, divorcees, people with a heck of a lot of pets, and people with teenage kids. The really cool people are having sex and drinking and doing drugs before the economy turns and they have to find a job.

Anyone who is on the Internets for every 48 minutes out of every 60 knows this.

Damn it, dude, you were late with the Windows thing. You were late with the Internet browser thing, and frankly my BFF, you were lucky to get by on those slips because your competition dropped the ball.

Get out, man. Get out before you end up naked in a motel with a drugged out former member of a grunge band posting iPhone pictures of yourself standing in your Hanes in front of a dirty bathroom mirror.