Nice Price or Crack Pipe wants you to take the long way home in a questionably-hued Pinto with only 40,000 miles — mostly spent mostly pulling into the garage, and then out again, in and out . . .

Yesterday, 81% of you danced the sexy samba of the Crack Pipe over the rotting corpse of the Uruguayan Panhard 24CT, wise that you are. Today, we're bringing the sexy back with a fleshbot-approved 1978 Pinto that looks like something you'd find on Perez Hilton's nightstand.

What can we say about the '78 Pinto that hasn't been cursed a thousand times? Punky and slow, with mediocre fuel economy, and handling that could best be described as like making love in a hammock, the Ford sub-compact would be the only one left in the bar come closing time. The cast-iron 2.3 litre SOHC 4 would break out a sweat in the attempt to produce its meager 88 ponies, and most of those were sucked up by the available 3-speed auto, which also swallowed any driving fun there was to be had.

But this one's different- its sex-toy color and forever plaid interior may just speak to some strange fetish dragon lurking below a potential buyers surface. And in it's 31 years, it's claimed to only have rolled its odo 39,179 times. That's only about four opportunities a year for somebody to shove the fuel nozzle deep into the Pinto's filler tube, filling it with gushing golden life-juices and pegging its fuel gauge erectly to E. That would explain the virginal nature of the vinyl and skimpy cloth interior, which is also comes in a tone of lurid, Hustler-infused Burberry plaid.

Who knew, back in the day, that Ford would offer a color palette for the Pinto that included the shade "Pud"? Perhaps it was an attempt to capture the pervert market that year? And also in 1978, the Pinto featured a frameless glass hatch over the gaping hole in its rear, which allowed salacious see-though moments for the unfortunate little car, but would also allow it to swallow your so-called "generous package". That hatchback body style, iconically identifiable as a Pinto, along with the lewd hue of this particular car, immediately brings to mind that fun-for-the-whole-family aerobic accouterment- the butt plug, and with the four-banger it'll vibrate too!

So is $2,999 a fair price for the opportunity to say hello to my little friend!? Or is that too much to just live out your Ace and Gary fantasies?