Friday, July 18, 2008

The following is a video of a small protest by right wing fanatics in front of the McDonald's headquarters. Hate groups such as the American Family Association, and Americans for Truth About Homosexuality, gathered to hold a press conference because McDonald's donated $20,000 to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

Dear Hippiemeg, DON'T SNAP! Just LAUGH! This is a funny interpretation of the "agenda," though please forgive the gay male slant!

Thanks to Betty Bowers, homosexuals' sneaky little secrets are now revealed to the godly:THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA!

As every Christian knows, there is only one enemy that threatens our entire civilization. And I am, of course, not talking about Satan. I'm talking about those damned homosexuals! Yes, they give otherwise dull hair radiant highlights and our imperfect décor those fabulous flourishes that elude our more predictable heterosexual sensibilities, but at what price? In exchange for a little panache, we allow homosexuals to steal our children and destroy our Christian marriages. And how do they do this? With their secret masterplan -- The Homosexual Agenda!

Many a well-intentioned person has asked me, "Betty, what exactly is The Homosexual Agenda?" Well, if you have to ask, you are probably already under its pernicious influence and blithely hop-scotching your way straight to Hell. Nevertheless, the details of The Homosexual Agenda have -- up until this day -- been kept more secret than the nature of John Travolta's and Tom Cruise's marriages. But I am pleased to announce that through innumerable free vodka sea-breezes and some artful Christian skullduggery, I have gotten my hands on an authentic copy of The Homosexual Agenda. Praise the Lord!

I have had my secretaries, Miss Anne Thrope and Anita Priceczech, transcribe The Homosexual Agenda from the back of a used cocktail napkin (the original is to be placed in the Smithsonian Institute) for your convenient reference. Never again shall we be surprised by what these malevolent Nancy Boys are up to. While they may still be able to surprise us with a cunningly perfect piece of Chinese porcelain for our Biederimeier end-table, they will never again be able to surreptitiously take over our culture, families and prime-time television without God-fearing Christians being one step ahead of them! Praise the Lord!

The Homosexual Agenda 8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.

8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a 300 count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.

8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake stranger next to you and tell them you are late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry" as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last night, so you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs, but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.

8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you, "It was fun. I'll give you a call," as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath.

8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen.

8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. Wonder if the stories you've heard about Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.

8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and the only shirt that is clean.

8:45 a.m. Climb into red Z4 and try not to look too much like Barbie driving one of her accessories as you pull out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.

9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.

9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add "It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, just as long as you love him."

10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a client." Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).

11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you Human Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines, preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.

12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know you will end up shirtless.

12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower, taking ten minutes to knot your tie while you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of someone used to wearing a t-back and having dollars stuffed in their crotch.

1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis size from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar, you are whisked past the Christian heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 12:30.

3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments (in addition to other nations' governments); destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle; secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent children; give AIDS to as many people as you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and turn people away from Jesus, causing them to burn forever in Hell.

4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western Civilization and look like you are having way too much fun doing it.

4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest and being so terribly witty.

7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch and go to a cool store to begin shopping.

8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you will be "over" by the time it gets its first review in the local paper.

10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic queens who can't navigate a crowd with a lit cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make audible remark about how "trashy" people who still think smoking is acceptable are.

12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.

Now there's a possibility she's probably going to grow up with the irrational hate towards queer people. But she's still young. I hope she realises that she's being sucked in into that stupid queer "agenda" crap.

I am so sorry for those poor people in the back ground of this video. The faithfull puppy look on the bruiser sweating in a dark wool suit is pitiful and betrays insincerity. I did not have a problem with the vid. I did call Macedee's and thank a very sweet man for making the SouthWest Salad. Ya it's that good!

I'm hoping that as these children grow up, they'll remember the summer they didn't get Happy Meals because their parents were homophobic assholes. On my ex-Christian e-mail list, we talk frequently about how we weren't permitted a variety of fun things because "God" didn't want us to have them. Now, granted, it's not that huge a tragedy compared to other things that children worldwide endure, and lots of kids don't eat at all, etc., etc. But that is one hell of a fearful, depressing and joyless way to grow up.

Interesting aside--one of the things Peter LaBarbera talked about here was the specter of McDonald's embracing transgendered employees. He talks about men in dresses and high heels. At McDonald's? Really? Female-born women who work there have to wear polyester pants and slip-resistant shoes and pull their hair back--I know because I was one. He also raises the question of McDonald's paying for sex-change surgery for employees. Yeah. Because the insurance is *soooooo* damn good for McDonald's employees...

The excellent good news here is that if McDonald's is becoming more tolerant, our government can't be *that* far behind.

You Nasty, Dirty, Freaks need to stay out of public & weather you think it or not most of America doesn't want you here! You are so quick to judge & call people homophobes, but these are just people who know right from wrong! CHILDREN don't need to be exposed to such trash, McDonalds is a FAMILY place, not a queer bar. You people take something that is meant to be a beautiful thing & PERVERT IT!!! GO TO EUROPE