Sad Girls…

I used to be involved with a cheater. Actually a couple of them. I promised myself I would never put my heart in the arms of one ever again.

I received a Google message from who I thought was my ex-boyfriend last year. “He” messaged me like he would normally do.. “Hi!”

And so I responded back “Hi!”

The next message startled me:

“He must’ve really hurt you. This is _____wife. I am seeing these old messages and trying to figure out how long yall been reaching out to each other since this last message.”

I just shook my head at the message and took a deep breath- here we go.

After an exchange of some more messages between us, she ended the conversation with a clearer understanding that I didn’t want her husband (if that was her husband) and I am perfectly fine with my life right now. Although she was looking for something that she obviously didn’t get it from me, I really felt sorry for her.

I used to be her. I used to be that girl who felt like she had to chase after the women my guy was chasing after. Whenever he wasn’t in my presence, I was nervous about who he was with and what he was doing. Whenever he was in my presence, I was nervous he was texting another girl. I used to send the messages to girls, going through the phone, making sure he was at work and so forth. I was never comfortable with him being mine because in reality- I shared him. And I wasn’t brave enough to be alone. So I was between a rock and a hard place.

So many women are fighting this losing battle every day. They are putting on their social media status they are ‘in a relationship’ (and even married) and their lives are enslaved by the constant nagging, nervousness and investigation they have to do on their man to keep their man away from other women. A title doesn’t define the relationship, two hearts committed to the relationship does.They can put a title on it to try to alleviate what’s clearly obvious, that they are single. If a guy is not faithful to a woman, both parties are single. A real relationship is a heart matter, not a title matter.

I was listening to a sermon by one pastor I respect and in it he says that you can teach a person to do something, just like you can train an animal a trick. We can change the behavior, but if the heart doesn’t change, there is no real change. I have said this before…whatever your heart is full of, that is what you DO. Point. Blank. Period. Personally, I believe no one can ever tell you I didn’t mean to, because it was already in them to do. They may not have wanted to hurt you, but what’s being fed in them grows in them and will produce out of them.

Girl, I want to let you know that you are beautiful and you are called beautiful and worthy by God! One bible verse that sticks out to me is that the Lord’s plans and thoughts are good towards you and to prosper you. I always like the Jeremiah 29:11 verse “…plans are for good and not for evil…”. This means to me if it’s not good, it’s not from the Lord Himself! You don’t have to keep bumping your head thinking this is what God has in store, because His plans are always good to you! Most painful situations that are allowed in your life are to help you grow, but when you feel like the relationship you are in is hindering you and not going to prosper you, it’s time to move on and towards the greatness God has in store! You can’t get what God has if you don’t let go of what the enemy presented to you! When you are around people who are clearly devaluing, disrespecting you, it’s not from God. Stop thinking it is!

I empathize with those women. Those girls. Those who feel that “this is it!” I have heard of too many stories and testimonies of women who bravely let go of toxic situations and miraculously found what was searching for them! God is so faithful, He will definitely give women what He promised them!

I’m praying for those who need an ounce of courage on this issue. Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t cheat. For real.

“A title doesn’t define the relationship, two hearts committed to the relationship does”. Excellent post my friend:-) Please allow me to share just a few words on this subject if you will. Firstly, I am so very happy to see your growth and maturity. I am also very pleased to see that your happiness is not dependent on any form of so called “relationship” with any man, but instead, you have made a conscious decision to dedicate your time, focus, energy, attention, mind, soul and body to pleasing and serving our God and in THAT decision, I am VERY excited as to what God has in store for you in the very near future. I know that he has an AWESOME work ahead for you and I am extremely excited in seeing your progression in the things of God and I would like to personally commend you on your spiritual growth and I would like to personally encourage you to continue:–)

On the subject of your post, if you will, Please allow me to share a few of my humble thoughts on this subject. One scripture that comes swiftly to my mind is: “Two cannot walk together, UNLESS they be agreed”, simply meaning that unless both minds and hearts are dedicated in commitment to the same cause, there can be no common bond nor a common outcome. I was recently talking with some friends of mine who have been in similar situations, they always wonder why their relationships never work. They always tend to lean on what relationship crime (cheating, fighting, arguing, etc) caused the breakup.My question to them is always this: What made you believe that this was the right situation (person) for you to be involved with. Most of the time, the answers are the same if not similar. Most of the time, out of fear of being alone, we make decisions to endure what otherwise would be classified as a “harmful situation”, either spiritually, physically, and/or emotionally. We as humans tend to return to what is familiar to us (out of fear) even if the situation is unhealthy. It is only when we get to a breaking point that we come to a realization.

1 Corinthians 11:11 state that: ” Nevertheless, in the eyes of the Lord, woman is not independent of man nor is man independent of woman”, simply meaning in the eyes of the Most High, a Man and a Woman dedicated through commitment in a common cause for His sake as well as legally through marriage are considered to be ONE. King Solomon, the wisest and richest king that ever lived wrote this:” An excellent wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her. He will have no lack in gain.” Proverbs 31: 10-11. I consider his statement to be one of wisdom and instruction. It seems that in this one statement, it contains a deeper meaning in terms of understanding the value of a woman, but not just ANY woman. This is a statement written for that Man (of God) who seek to find a Woman who fears the Lord. This statement also reflects (in my opinion) the true value that a Man must express towards his Woman in terms of how he treats her. 1 Corinthians 13 seems to adequately sum up the fruits that should be visibly evident: “Love is patient (not anxious or impatient). Love is Kind (not hateful and evil). Love does not envy (not jealous or envious). Love is not proud (not cocky or arrogant). Love does not boast (not prideful in speech nor action) . Love is not dishonorable (not disrespectful nor insensitive to his queen). Love is not selfish (not thoughtless nor inconsiderate), Love is not easily angered (not easily upset or irritated). Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

All in All, I personally believe that time, experience, and definitely prayer, help us to gain a clearer understanding of the true nature of what we seek.

As always, it has been a pleasure interacting with you through your writings. Again, I congratulate you on your spiritual progress and I look forward to great things..