In my
previous blog, I asked the question: "Do
you have the right to judge another" but the real question that I had
to ask was "Do you have the right to judge
yourself?" because on a practical level, you can only judge another
when you are still accepting and allowing your own participation with
self-judgement.

Looking
at my own process as well as the process of others, the root cause of all
judgement starts with self-judgement.

Within
this blog post I would like to start opening up the awareness of the potential
consequences that accepting and allowing self-judgement to exists inside of
ourselves may cause:

Potential consequences #1: Self-Judgement
can sabotage/compromise and even end your relationships with others.

Have a
look - How many times in your life, you felt that your closest people to you,
the people that supposed to stand as your pillar of support, the people who
love you the most, are judging you. Judge you as too fat/thin; stupid;
untrustworthy; introverted/extraverted; and so on and so forth. But let me ask
you - was it them who judged you or was it you, in your mind, projecting your
own self-judgement onto them? With believing they are judging you in every
interaction you have with them, you are keeping enough space in between, you
keep your relationship with them in an arm's length - Not getting close enough
or going too far away. You never absolutely commit and allow yourself to be
you. You will always behave and act out in a way that will cause the least
possible judgement that you could possibly think of.

With the
belief everyone is judging you, you start being paranoid with everything and
everyone - when you see two of your friends talking, you immediately think it
is about you isn't it? Because you are always wrong, you are always been looked
down at, you are always being laughed and gossiped at.. And so, you start
believing everyone is against you and you eventually isolate yourself, to
minimize your interaction with people, believing it will minimize the judgement
that is placed on you while all along, it was you who have been judging
yourself this all time.

But! You
didn't see your own self-judgement and you had to make yourself right to
believe that everyone are against you.. How else will you suppress your own
self-judgement? You'll make yourself right and others as wrong. Isn't it so?

And all
this time you believed that others are wrong and can't be trusted because they
are judging you and gossiping about you.. All this time, you missed the very
crucial point - you were the one judging you.

With this
mind set, you cannot develop and create supportive and effective long lasting
relationships with people; In many times, you will not sustain the
relationship, you'll run away and start another relationship with people until
the inevitable happens.. You'll compromise and sabotage the nature of the
relationship with you believing they are judging you and looking down at you
while it was and is you who are doing it to yourself.

Will
continue in my next blog with more potential outcomes when accepting and
allowing self-judgement to be hidden but very much existed inside of ourselves.
We will also look at solutions in how to change this type of behavior/pattern
to be able to practically develop long lasting relationships of worth with
others.