Friday, October 31, 2014

Thanksgiving is almost here - that time of year when “get
your gratitude on!” is the game of the day. And indeed, you do have your
gratitude well in gear.

You are ready to express your gratefulness for your family,
your friends, your job (maybe, could be a stretch), Pilates, football, the roof
over your head, your pets, your new smart phone, the Macy’s sale, and lots
more.

The only thing notably lacking in your list of “things I am
grateful for” is YOU. Ah yes. Can we talk? Because when it comes to you,
yourself, your list is composed of “I’m too fat, too thin, too tall, too short,
not smart enough, not getting it together enough, too lazy, too ambitious, too
talkative, too quiet, fashion-challenged, a procrastinator” - and that’s the
short list. The rest would take up several more blogs . . .

Yet you are, with all your supposed lacks, the most
astonishing combination of flesh, blood, bone and consciousness ever to grace
the earth.

I invite you to be grateful, this Thanksgiving, for YOU.

Not in some overblown narcissistic way, “I’m grateful for me
because I’m so much better than all you other humans out there,” but with the
graciousness available to us all. “I’m grateful for all that I am and am becoming.”
There’s humility in that statement, a simple recognition that how you are right
now is truly OK, and that the future holds the possibility of yet more of
whatever you want to be.

Make your list of all that you are grateful for about
yourself. It may take you a while if you’re not used to this exercise, but it’s
well worth the effort, I promise.

I’ll share with you some of my list, to give you an example:
I’m grateful that I’m pretty darn healthy most of the time; that I manage to
keep my wits about me for the most part; that sometimes people think I’m funny;
that I have ears to hear the sound of wind in the trees, of laughter, of music;
eyes to see the splendors of our natural world; a heart that quickens to
kindness, and gets sad when I witness or experience despair. There’s more, but
you get the gist.

Be grateful for you! When you reflect on what there is about
yourself that you are grateful for, you’ll find that you have so much to share
with others. It is an odd truism, that only self-love allows us to truly love
others. Honest self-gratitude, without arrogance or strut, allows us to be that
much more grateful for others with whom we share this amazing planet.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Despite how it appears on the 24-hour news channels,
domestic violence is not likely to be any more prevalent between professional
athletes and their partners as in relationships in other segments of society.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone at any
time and does not respect age, gender, financial circumstances or sexual
preference. It also does not occur in a void. In fact, there
are common characteristics and warning signs that may be preludes to violence.
Knowing what to look for and how to uncover a potentially abusive relationship
long before it ever gets to the hitting stage greatly diminishes the chances of
one becoming a victim of domestic violence.

Here are the most common
behaviors leading up to physical violence.

The abuser initially showers the victim with attention
and passion.

The abuser soon becomes possessive and seeks to
control, dominate and isolate the victim from family and friends.

The victim is suddenly wrong about everything while
the abuser is always right.

The abuser shows a cruel and insensitive attitude
toward others.

The abuser becomes verbally abusive. The stage is set
for physical violence.

Partners of abusers often
ignore these signs, and even when the hitting begins, believe it was either
their own fault that they were attacked or the abuser will somehow change and
not hit again. That's not the case. Most abusers have
underlying issues that make it difficult for them to treat others with respect.
They see violence as a way of dealing with what they perceive as a problem.

Because
stopping the violence is difficult, if not often impossible, once it starts, learning
to identify the warning signs of a potentially violent relationship and how to
deal with the situation appropriately and immediately is critical. If you see these warning signs in your partner’s behavior, get help
from a mental health professional immediately.

About Me

I'm a psychologist, consultant and speaker who has authored over a dozen books, all of which focus on empowering individuals to be happier, healthier and more successful at work, at home and in relationships. The power of appreciation is the theme that runs through all my books, the latest being "Happy Healthy...Dead: Happy Healthy…Dead: Why What You Think You Know About Aging Is Wrong and How To Get It Right.” If you'd like to know more, please visit www.noellenelson.com!
Thank you.