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Do you ever clean your kids' rooms?

Last week I took a day off of work and spent it cleaning my 16 year old daughter's bedroom. She's a little bit of a hoarder and gets really overwhelmed sometimes. While in there I found 12 spoons, 7 cups and 2 water bottles along with plenty of trash.

I shared about it on Facebook and several other moms told me that I shouldn't have done it, that I should let her live in filth if that's what she wants. I can't do that though, I just can't. It grosses me out, and I seriously was tired of searching for spoons every time I wanted a bowl of cereal or soup.

What do you think? Should I have done it? Should I have sat in there and watched while she did it herself? What would you have done?

I clean the little kid's room - I have a rule for my older kids "If it's on the floor and it can't be vacuum'd, I throw it away."

My son's always been very good about keeping his floor clean. I make him go through his room about 1-2x a month with a garbage bag and get rid of old papers, or anything in there that isn't a toy he plays with.... and I go through his toys 1-2x a year to make room for new stuff.

I personally refuse to let someone live in my house in filth. I'm too OCD for that. If it came down to it, I'd empty everything out of her room except a bed and her clothes if I had too.

As an autistic adult who gets OVERWHELMED at the idea of a big mess with no where to start (i'm better as an adult) it helps.

i.e. I need you to take this trash bag and throw away all trash. Then I need you to bring me all and any dishes out of your room and put them in the sink. This is for your dirty laundry.

Break it down into steps for her, and frankly, put a no food in bedroom rules.

That's my rule, I don't allow my children to eat in their rooms unless it's a special occasion. (I.e. I fix my son a special snack because he's doing a really good job working on his math, and I expect the plate of his room when he's done.)

but for the most part, all food's in the kitchen and there's consequences for taking dishes out of the kitchen. LOL

But like I said, I'm OCD - and I can't handle clutter and filth. If my kids want to live in nastiness as adults, they can do that once they move out, My house, my rules... and honestly, everyone always complements them on how neat they keep their stuff and think it's so cool that our kids help with chores and cleaning.

My kids like being praised for that when people see how neat our house is with kids in it. (don't get me wrong, we have crayon marks on the wall, but at the end of the day, I can run a vacuum on the living room floor. haha)

Thanks for your reply. I don't have ASD, but I am a bit OCD when it comes to my house and I hate it being dirty. In fact, I work from home and I can't concentrate if my work space is messy.

I do have a rule about taking food in their rooms, however being teens they sneak it in the middle of the night when I'm asleep and they get hungry. My daughter has ADHD and her meds supress her appetite during the day so when she's hungry at night she gets really hungry and then falls asleep and forgets about the dishes. Drives me bonkers!

Quoting kajira:

I clean the little kid's room - I have a rule for my older kids "If it's on the floor and it can't be vacuum'd, I throw it away."

My son's always been very good about keeping his floor clean. I make him go through his room about 1-2x a month with a garbage bag and get rid of old papers, or anything in there that isn't a toy he plays with.... and I go through his toys 1-2x a year to make room for new stuff.

I personally refuse to let someone live in my house in filth. I'm too OCD for that. If it came down to it, I'd empty everything out of her room except a bed and her clothes if I had too.

As an autistic adult who gets OVERWHELMED at the idea of a big mess with no where to start (i'm better as an adult) it helps.

i.e. I need you to take this trash bag and throw away all trash. Then I need you to bring me all and any dishes out of your room and put them in the sink. This is for your dirty laundry.

Break it down into steps for her, and frankly, put a no food in bedroom rules.

That's my rule, I don't allow my children to eat in their rooms unless it's a special occasion. (I.e. I fix my son a special snack because he's doing a really good job working on his math, and I expect the plate of his room when he's done.)

but for the most part, all food's in the kitchen and there's consequences for taking dishes out of the kitchen. LOL

But like I said, I'm OCD - and I can't handle clutter and filth. If my kids want to live in nastiness as adults, they can do that once they move out, My house, my rules... and honestly, everyone always complements them on how neat they keep their stuff and think it's so cool that our kids help with chores and cleaning.

My kids like being praised for that when people see how neat our house is with kids in it. (don't get me wrong, we have crayon marks on the wall, but at the end of the day, I can run a vacuum on the living room floor. haha)

At 16 I would have done the same thing; our dd had her bedroom upstairs on the main level at that time and her room was visible to me. She also had a smaller space and didn't have quite as much stuff and wasn't as bad as she is now. However, now she has her room in the basement, in what used to be the family room (and guest room when her older also lived at home & both kids had rooms upstairs). So now she has a HUGE bedroom since its half the basement (we have a full basement). She is 24, works and pretty much does her own thing. There is no closet, so we bought her a wardrobe, but it really doesn't hold enough. Her dresser also doesn't hold enough. Problem is, she buys clothes and never seems to get rid of anything!!! She is way to fond of shoes and purses also. She too has a problem with bringing glasses and stuff like that back upstairs, to the point where we have told her she isn't allowed to eat down there anymore ... but she does take drinks down there and will once-in-awhile sneak a snack down. I'm missing a bunch of glasses and keep telling her they have to be down there. I refuse to clean that room and her dad & I both told her she better get it clean soon or when her father retires he WILL go in there and he WILL start tossing stuff that is on the floor, on her couch and just laying around. She knows he will too ... he did it once before and she lost stuff she didn't want to lose!! My thought on this: It's not the kids house technically, we own it (you own it) and at some point you have to take some action before it becomes a health/safety issue of some kind. Luckily I didn't have to do that when she was a teenager, or for that matter when any of the other kids were either, but it's now about to become like that. She has too much space and too much stuff and not enough storage for it - which is a lot of the problem, but also a lot of her problem is she just can't bring herself to get rid of some stuff she needs to. I will admit she has gotten rid of a good bit of stuff, but not enough ... like your dd, she too gets overwhelmed. As for watching them clean? No, I think that just makes them feel nervous and even more overwhelmed.

Well, I am not sure I am right, but I probably would have cleaned it too. But I think there are choices. Like maybe, take out the spoons,etc,but let her clean up the rest of it.Make sure she sets up a time every week to make sure it's clean and nothing else gets done untill it is clean. At this age she should be able to do it by herself. But if it makes you feel any better, I was a complete slob when I was her age.My Mom had to sit me down and talk to me when I got an apt. with my sister,because she was worried about fights erupting between the 2 of us due to my cleaning habits-or lack there of. But it turns out that I am completely type A these days and love a spotless house! Not that I get it,but it doesn't keep me from trying,lol!

I wouldve went in there with her and made her clean it herself. She's old enough to know that's not good.
Ds is just learning to clean his room since he is 4 but there's no way I would let that fly, trash is gross!

You know what I would suggest? I would suggest that mon/fri you have her go through her room and bring out all dishes and laundry.

It may help her if she has a schedule for cleaning stuff out like that, that bug you. And if she gets in a habit of it,even with her tiredness or ADD - once she's in a habit of returning things the next DAY - she may remember to do it and keep things more organized.

I don't have ADD but I had a hard time as a teen with remembering stuff, due to my autism and processing and what not. What I CAN SAY is a schedule with reminders may help fix that, especially giving her a place to start.

I remember how overwhelming it was as an idea to clean my room when I was little, I never knew WHERE to start....

So, "Get all the dishes out of your room and put them in the sink" is a pretty easy starting point. You could even break it down and get more specific if you needed too.

Put a trash bin in her room, tell her all the trash has to be in that bin to be emptied by X day of the week, remind her to go through and clear out the trash.

Give her a laundry hamper/basket and tell her all dirty clothes need to go in there and designate a day you or her will do the laundry that's in it.

Give her a good will box every 3-4 months and tell her to get rid of anything she hasn't used, worn, or looked at in the last 3-4 months to make room for new stuff. (could be books, or clothes, or shoes, wahtever.)

a lot of times, simple instructions, with it broken down in steps, makes it easier.

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