Keep your mind on the job, not on the lunch dates

May 07, 2002|By Ann Landers.

Dear Ann Landers: I have been married to "Cliff" for 12 years. He recently quit his job at the same company where I work. In fact, that's where we first met. Cliff has decided to go back to school so he can get a better job.

Cliff's best friend, "Adam," recently started working at my company. He started joining me for coffee breaks, and sometimes we have lunch together. After two months of conversation, I realize I have more in common with Adam than I do with Cliff. I know the feeling is mutual, because Adam has suggested that I stop by the office on my days off so we can visit more.

Cliff is a wonderful husband and has never done anything to push me away. However, I am very attracted to Adam and enjoy our time together. Is it wrong for me to keep meeting him for lunch and coffee breaks?

-- On the Brink in California

Dear California: Cut out the nonsense before you damage your marriage irreparably. Tell Adam you enjoy the time you spend with him, but you do not feel it is appropriate to see him so often. Try to take your coffee breaks at different times, and do not plan your lunches around him. If you want to continue the friendship, the next time he invites you to lunch, bring a female co-worker along. That should clear up any misconceptions Adam might have. Meanwhile, work on developing some new interests with your husband.

Dear Ann Landers: I appreciate your printing the column about the National Alcohol Screening Test, and I'm sure it will help a lot of people. However, I am concerned that it may have given the impression that fraternities and sororities encourage drinking among college students.

As a fraternity member and chapter adviser, I have firsthand knowledge of binge drinking on campus, and believe me, I have seen plenty of binge drinking among non-fraternity members. In fact, drinking is now a bigger problem with athletic teams than in fraternities.

It is wrong to lump all fraternities and sororities together. There are plenty of Greek houses that are substance-free, and members keep close tabs on one another. If a fraternity chapter permits underage drinking, it will be reported to the campus office and the national fraternity organization. We are not saints, Ann, but the issue of drinking is taken seriously by all campus Greek organizations. Please say so.

-- B.K., Western Michigan University

Dear B.K.: You are right that a great deal of drinking takes place outside of fraternities and sororities. However, while it is true that more Greek organizations are cleaning up their reputations, the fact remains that many continue to ignore the drinking that goes on. Some college kids think living away from home is a license to imbibe. Fraternities and sororities are in a position to make drinking less acceptable, and I hope they will take on this vital responsibility.

Dear Ann Landers: I am getting married in a few months, and my fiance's closest friend, "Russ," is going to be his best man. Neither of us can stand Russ' girlfriend, "Norene." They have been living together for three years. Norene needs to be the center of attention at all times, and we are sick of it.

I do not want to invite Norene to our wedding because she will monopolize Russ and stick to him like glue. Is it OK to invite him but not her? Please tell me yes.

-- Toronto Bride

Dear Toronto Bride: Sorry, no. If they are living together, both should be invited. Pay no attention to Norene at your wedding. However she chooses to conduct herself is her problem. Don't make it yours.