child abuse a curse

Boys and girls who are sexually abused during adolescence can experience long lasting psychological damage. We often talk about girl abuse but rarely talk or read about boy abuse. Adolescent boys who are abused by other males carry a special burden and it is horribly sensitive issue for boys, particularly because boys are taught not to talk about their feelings and to feel vulnerable. It also leads to sexual identity crisis during adolescence. Questions like Am I a gay? What does that mean about me that I was not able to fend that person off? Am I weak?, Keep coming to his mind, time and again. of sex, but many others go in the opposite direction. To counter their uncomfortable feelings they start acting out. They engage in dangerous, daredevil behavior or date a lot of women to try to prove their manhood. Rough and tumble behavior can be a way to fend off the possibility of another abuser seeing them as a target. They might get into suicidal tendencies. They become emotionally very weak because they feel bad for what has happened. Victims worry as they grow old, they feel they too will become sexual offenders.

Experts say victims (boys) do not grow up to become pedophile, (pedophile is a person 16 yrs of age or older who is primarily or exclusively sexually attracted to children who have not begun puberty. The prepubescent child must be at least five years younger , there are cases where they even get attracted to adults).

Most common problems that they face is depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, substance abuse problems, failed relationships. Increased confusion during sexual and emotional intimacy. Discomfort in touch in different areas of the body. Limit the type of sexual activity as considered ok or enjoyable. Require certain circumstances to be in place for e.g. lights on /off when sex occurs. Experience difficulties in achieving sexual arousal. Feeling distress, shame or guilt about sexual response, interest or fantasy. Excessive interest and validation of manhood through sex. Engaging in sexually compulsive behavior. Checking out and emotionally disengaging. Experiencing panic attacks, disassociation or flashbacks during sexual activity. Difficulty in sexual relationships, confusing sex with love, care giving, abuse, pain with powerless or being powerful. Some men go overboard to prove themselves and everyone else that they are not real men but super manly , countless men have said that as boys, teenagers and young adults they have gone to great lengths to prove their masculinity, playing aggressive sports in super aggressive ways, sexual conquest, bulking up by lifting weights picking fights. His trust gets shattered. it’s disturbing to think what it means to a boy when he’s sexually abused by someone he trusts, it’s unforgettable. We must either talk about the reality of his experience or continue to live in silence with devastating consequences.

Abusers use their age and authority to satisfy their own needs without regard to those of their victims, consequently many sexually abused boys grow up distrustful, considering people dishonest, malevolent and undependable. They are often frightened of emotional connection and isolate themselves. They may alternate with merging with loved ones so they hardly know where they end and others begin. They may also experience friendly interpersonal or seductive and manipulative . Believing sexual closeness is the way to feel loved but experiencing love as abuse, some of these men solve their dilemma by engaging in frequent discriminative and compulsive sexual encounters. These are not free, joyous expressions of erotic passion. Sex is pursued incessantly. They are left feeling lonely and empty. While the idea of fully pursuing relationships fills them with dread.

There is a list of such problems a victim goes through but the idea is not to discuss the problem but come up with a solution. There are ways and means of helping an abused. But for that the first and foremost is the victim should be in agreement to be helped. He should be with you. The first step is he should be able to acknowledge that abuse occurred and articulating what has been silenced. Putting experience into words is freeing for many men. Whether they tell a loved one, a professional, a confidant or simply write. BUT they should accept that whatever state they are in today is because of what has happened with them in the past.

1. Was the other person in a position of power or authority over him?

3. Was the other person using him?

The problems that an abuse faces are:

did a brave thing and they really have taken a stand against what happened to them as a child.