‘Those Magic Muffins’ Part 3 – by Shane Zentz

Jimmy Footballs slept very well and had some really unusual dreams too. In his dream, he ate the magic muffin and immediately grew to over ten feet tall, way taller than he wanted to be. And also in his dream he just kept growing and growing and growing, until he was over fifteen feet tall. Too tall to even get out of his apartment, let alone to drive his car or play his guitar, which looked like a child’s little toy in his hands. He realized that this was becoming a nightmare because he could not get out of his apartment, he couldn’t even stick his head out the window because it had grown too fat. He needed to crawl on his hands and knees just to move about in his apartment and even then he was barely able to do it. He dreamed that he fell into a deep sleep and when he awoke he heard the faint sound of someone knocking on his apartment door. The knob seemed so small to him that at first he was not able to turn it, but with some practice and work, he was eventually able to do it. The door swung open and he saw a very small looking figure looking up at him. This figure then got a very frightened look about their face and screamed, then turned and ran away. Jimmy started to sweat profusely. He then started to panic. It was just then that he awoke from his dream in a panic and in a puddle of sweat as well. He wiped the sweat from his brow and slowly raised himself up in his bed. He looked around his bedroom and everything seemed to be right, just the right size. He then looked down at himself and realized that he had not grown to over fifteen feet tall, but was still around five and a half feet tall. At first he was a little relieved, but then he was a little disappointed that he did not seem to have grown at all, even though he had already eaten a sizeable portion of the muffin.

Jimmy went through his normal morning routine, the usual, the three S’s. But after all of that he was getting dressed when he realized that something was not right, his left foot seemed to be a few inches longer than his right foot. And he knew that his feet had always been symmetrical and even, but now that did not appear to be the case. The more he studied his left foot the stranger that it seemed to him. And now he compared it to his right foot again, side by side. And sure enough it was at least three inches longer than his right foot. Jimmy scratched his head and thought about all of this for a few seconds. He wondered if first his left foot would grow and then maybe his right foot would grow and then to be followed by the rest of his body. That must be it, or at least he hoped that that was it. He put his right shoe on first, he always put his right shoe on first. Then he went and tried to put on his left shoe, but the fit was really tight. Too tight. He could not squeeze his left foot into the shoe. ‘Oh Well’, he thought. Who needs shoes anyway. So he went barefoot this day. It was no problem because it was a Saturday and he had nowhere to go and really nothing to do, so being barefoot would not be any kind of a problem. He just hoped that his right foot would grow to match his left foot by Monday when he would have to return to work, otherwise he would have to buy a pair of shoes and only utilize the left one. So, Jimmy made his way to the kitchen to have his breakfast, and he did so barefooted.

He nearly spewed when he fixed his eyes on the large box that contained the magic muffin. He could very clearly see that some rats had eaten several holes into the box. He was shaking his head back and forth as he approached the box and continually saying “no, no, no”. He arrived at the box and slowly peeled back one of the top flaps holding the box closed and glanced inside. He realized that his worst fears were becoming realized before his eyes. Rats had indeed gotten into the box and not only that, they had eaten away the most majority of the magic muffin. just then he began to think about what could happen if indeed the magic muffins actually would work. He could go from having an average rat problem to having an enormous rat problem, the kind of problem that one would very often see in those cheesy horror movies from the sixties and seventies. He went from being very angry at the rats to then being very scared that maybe they would grow to a monsterous size. And rats that are that large would obviously have the run of his apartment, he would simply have little or no say at all. All of this thinking about very scary things had given Jimmy quite an appetite, even though the thought of rats eating his muffin had destroyed his appetite only seconds earlier. Down at the very bottom of the box was a tiny little piece of the muffin left, just enough for breakfast, Jimmy thought. So he picked it up and looked at it. He could not see any rat crap on it or anything like that, just little rat teeth marks on it. So, ‘what the hell’, Jimmy thought, and he ate the magic muffin down in just three quick bites. He let out an enourmous belch and suddenly felt very queezy and quite ill as well. So he went to his living room to think about what he should do next…..

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