When To Get Tested

4 Situations Where You Should Seriously Consider Getting Tested For STIs

In today’s age of life-threatening sexually transmitted infections, you have every right to know that your potential girlfriend has a clean bill of health before climbing into bed with her. You’re also entitled to a little reassurance at other points in the relationship, when the need arises. Some will find the idea of asking such questions intimidating, which is understandable, as the recipients of such questions often find them offensive.

Not to worry; asking is far less difficult than you realize, and a little sensitivity can go a long way. The following tips will help you determine when to get tested, and how to ask her to do the same.

New relationship

Unless you’ve been tested during the last 24 hours, or have been abstinent since your last checkup, it’s a good idea to suggest mutual STI testing when starting a brand new relationship. This will ensure she doesn’t feel like you’re accusing her of being diseased, and will put the focus on mutual health — as opposed to only safeguarding your own. Tell her you think it might be a good idea if you both drop into your local clinic for some peace of mind. If she recoils in horror at the idea of visiting the clinic together, that’s fine; testing for women is more involved and many prefer using their own gynecologist. Either option is fine, as long as she chooses one of them.

Testing tip: If she flat-out rejects the idea, this could mean she’s afraid of learning the answer, which suggests she’s no stranger to risky behavior. This doesn’t mean she’s infected, but it does mean you’d be wise to use protection until she’s proven otherwise.

Trying to get pregnant

If fatherhood is on the agenda, both you and your woman should be tested for STDs before you start trying — even if you were both tested at the start of your relationship. Why? Because most sexually transmitted infections have a window of time during which they can slip beneath the radar. In other words, one of you could still be infected, despite your test results having said otherwise. It’s important to note that your results are just as important as hers; you could be carrying an infection she hasn’t yet acquired, but could acquire during pregnancy. This is highly significant, because diseases like syphilis and hepatitis B (blood-borne infections that can be asymptomatic for decades) can be passed from mother to fetus, sometimes resulting in premature delivery or stillbirth.

Testing tip: If she hasn’t already suggested this one herself, approach it from the angle of responsibility. Tell her you know it’s unlikely either of you has anything to pass on to your future child, but you want to ensure the baby’s health at all costs. Your woman will find the suggestion admirable and endearing.

She’s cheated/You’ve cheated

If either you or your partner has cheated, it’s time to get tested. This goes for whether or not the cheater went the whole nine yards. When it comes to oral sex, women can pick up chlamydia and gonorrhea during fellatio — and they can pass it to someone else the same way. You should also be tested if either of you cheated “safely.” Bacterial STIs, like the aforementioned chlamydia and gonorrhea, don’t require intercourse for transmission; heavy petting is all it takes. The same goes for incurable diseases like herpes, the gift that keeps on giving. Cheating is like opening a box of rotten chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get, but whatever it is, it won't be pleasant.

Testing tip: If she’s just confessed to cheating, you should ask her to get tested immediately. This is especially important if you’re going to stay together and work through the infidelity. Waiting a few weeks, or months, to broach the question will only re-open the wound, which could undo any emotional healing that’s already taken place.

One of you notices physical changes

As we mentioned earlier, most sexually transmitted infections have a window of time during which they can go be undetected. If an STI goes unnoticed in the early stages, the symptoms could mistakenly be dismissed as benign when they finally present themselves. For example, if your woman develops an unusual genital ulcer five months into your relationship, it’s more than reasonable to expect her to get tested again. After all, illnesses of that nature are particularly difficult to detect.

The same goes for you; if she notices a significant change in the smell or color of your semen, you shouldn’t be offended if she brings it to your attention and asks you to get tested. Follow-up testing is in both of your best interests. Tell her you’ve noticed some changes in her body and ask her how she’s feeling. Tell her you’re worried about her, and you think she should visit her gynecologist to rule out infection.

Testing tip: Don’t come out and mention STIs right away; mention the symptoms and give her a chance to draw her own conclusions. If she doesn’t connect the dots, tell her you think it would be a good idea if you both had some follow-up testing done. This will sound more like genuine concern and less like an accusation.

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While few people relish the idea of asking a partner to get tested, it’s a pleasant alternative to coming down with a sexually transmitted infection. If you approach the situation from the angle of mutual responsibility, most women will agree to get tested without taking offense. After all, she’ll feel better knowing that you’re free of infection, too. Let your woman know that your concern is genuine and she’ll view your suggestions as the epitome of responsibility — and women just love a responsible man.