Masturbation

I’m watching my cat clean herself and feeling really jealous. Her spine and flexibility makes me feel like a 90-year-old invalid who can barely move. Her ability to clean all parts, and I do mean all parts, of her body with tongue alone is proof positive we are an evolutionary nightmare. No one with any decency would create a masturbatory creature whose tongue can’t get to the good parts. Oh, and did I mention she can do this in public without any sense of shame?