“Women always look for true love,” explains the commercial for the “True Love Tester,” a bra designed by Japanese lingerie company Ravijour. The bra contains within its stylish cups sensors that read and transmit a woman’s changes in heart rate via bluetooth to an app that calculates your “love level.” You guessed it: when the heart gets going, the bra gets unhooking.

In case you were worried that your bra might get unhooked while shopping, as we women are wont to get excited about, the manufacturers explain that the bra can tell the difference. Only “flirting” or a “surprise gift” can unleash a True Love Tester-wearers breasts, as suggested by the graph below.

All jokes aside, this bra, called “futuristic,” relies on some pretty archaic ideas about women, men, sex, and love. The ad below, though entertaining in its failures to market a realistic product, presumes that women and men desire inherently different things in a relationship: women want true love, and men want boobs. The wearer of the bra is promised protection from men who grapple with her covered breasts to no avail. And frankly, we don’t need a magic bra; we need to rectify an upside-down world that presumes that random men cannot help but grab at women’s chests.