Sunday, June 26, 2011

I have been doing a lot of reading lately. Really unusual stuff from all over. I found a copy of the Bahjava-Gita at a local Wiccan store and read that. I have been also reading about Carl Jung's theory of Synchronity among other things. All have been with the purpose of inspiring me in my new non-fiction book that I've started and that needs to have a first draft complete before I go to Newfoundland in two weeks though much of it will be written on the trip down. Fortunately it is only 20 short chapters but I hope to concentrate on writing about Newfoundland, specifically Change Islands, for another book I'd like to finish before fall when I delve back into my novel again. My poetry writing has paid off with the news that my second collection will be published October 1 of this year! It's tentatively entitled "Sui Generis Magicae" which loosely translates from the Latin into "Their Unique Magic." At least this is what I'm told.

In all my reading I found this little quote that jumped out at me and made me smile and do an internal high five with my soul! This is it! This is perfect. For the book and for something I've been considering lately.

"I was neurotic for years. I was anxious and depressed and selfish. Everyone kept telling me to change. I resented them and I agreed with them, and I wanted to change, but simply couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. Then one day someone said to me, Don't change. I love you just as you are. Those words were music to my ears: Don't change, Don't change. Don't change . . . I love you as you are. I relaxed. I came alive. And suddenly I changed!" ~~Anthony De Mello~~

I have seen this phenomenon a lot. I saw it a couple of years ago in a friend of mine who came out of a marriage where she was stifled from being who she really was through criticism and subtle comments and just an overall conspiracy of a sort from her ex spouse to be different than she was. Once out of the relationship she could clearly see that the reason she was unhappy in the marriage was that she wasn't able to fully be herself.

What he called compromise wasn't a cooperative effort to enable two people to get along but the actual compromising of her self at its very core. She stayed longer than perhaps she would have because all of those around her felt she should and the pressure to make a marriage work. This pressure for others crippled her emotionally and made it difficult for her to leave.

But once she did she almost immediately felt such an intense relief and happiness that she knew it was the right thing.

But to her dismay, even her happiness was also disapproved of by many as inappropriate after a separation. She asked me what I thought and I said, "Fuck them all. Be yourself and above all things, be happy and don't do it because I said so, do it because that's what you want to do. Everybody just wants to be happy." It resonated with her and she decided that life was too short to live it for others and she is back doing the things she loved before her marriage and being her essential self again. She is also in a love relationship with someone who absolutely adores the person she is and encourages her rather wild and unorthodox ways. It is so refreshing to watch!

A while back I made the decision to allow myself to live as I pleased. I was single when I made that choice and for the most part I've stuck to it. Yes I'm a cooperative and easy going person when it comes to the insignificant things but when it comes to the essentials I have stuck to my guns. This is my life, I get one shot to fuck it up in my own special way! But as part of my decision came the choice to allow all of the people in my life to live their own special way as well and to be all they are and who they are and to love them for exactly that.

There is nothing more powerful in this world than being loved for who you are. Exactly who you are. There is no one on this planet who has the right to judge you in any way. You are exactly as you should be and in fact I think much of the suffering people have in their life comes from trying to be who the people around them expect them to be and want them to be rather than who they really are and who they really want to be.

My theory is that everybody in this world has one goal and that goal is to be happy. If there is suffering in their life they will take the steps necessary to decrease their suffering and to find relief. This is the motivation behind all action.

Some of the actions taken might seem out of sync with the idea that it'll bring happiness and relief but it is, nonetheless, true. A drug addict steals a stereo to sell to buy drugs to get relief from his withdrawal just as a Catholic goes to confession seeking relief from his guilt. A person books an expensive trip or buys a pricey car they can't afford with the notion that possessions bring happiness just as a person goes on a diet thinking that the road to happiness is being thin. I write as it brings me immense pleasure. I play with my kids like I'm a child because it's pure joy for me to do so. I savour the moments of life like fine wine because this world is incredible. I hula hoop because it's delightful. I play music and dance around the house because it makes me happy. My way is no better than any other way and it might not work for you but it's what I'm gonna do.

Whether or not we agree that what others do will bring them happiness or not is irrelevant because it isn't our lives to live. Perhaps people will judge my messy house when they walk into after I've been weeks into the moulding of something as frivolous to them as a romance or horror story. Guess what? I don't give a flying rat's arse what they think of my messy house. About the same time I made the decision to live on my own terms I also decided that I would prefer my tombstone read "She was a writer" rather than "the laundry was always put away and the beds were always made". Come visit and you'll see I've stuck to that resolution as well!

Oh to be loved as you are! Powerful. Unconditionally. No matter what you do. Stuff that others judge as inappropriate bring a smile to the person who loves you that way because it is so essentially you and they love you completely.

Being accepted for everything you do and loved, not just in spite of it but because of it, is a gift. It requires nothing and because it requires nothing any changes made are made from the sense of worthiness that a person feels inside, that receives it. This kind of love doesn't trap you or force you or make you feel guilty. It frees you up to make any changes you wish to make for yourself and not to please others.

If you take a plant and put it under a glass case and water and sunshine it will still grow. It may even look pretty and it may appear healthy but contained that way it can only grow so much. It can't reach the heights it is supposed to reach while contained by the glass. The only way it can grow within its prison is to become bent and distorted. I liken those in your life who would have you be less than you are to a glass cover. Even if it is lovingly placed it will stunt your growth and keep you down.

But remove the cover and that same plant will grow tall and straight and reach its potential with ease. Many of the people in your life will tell you what you should be doing, what is best for you and they'll often say it with a loving heart. But the only opinion that matters is your own in your life. While you are busy living your life they get to live theirs.

Yes you may lose people who do not like the way you are. But those are usually the ones who place the strongest glass over you. But you then will attract those who love the true you to replace those that leave. The universe is fair that way. Another quote I love is by Kurt Cobain. He said "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."

Ever try to make someone quit smoking? I've never known anyone to quit while being nagged to do so. I have known a few to quit in spite of being nagged to do so but everybody who quit successfully did it because they chose to. It is only possible in that circumstance because free choice creates a sense of ease for people.

I had someone tell me the other day "you shouldn't get involved in that" and I replied "whether I should or shouldn't is my decision." and it got their back up a little. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. I wasn't ever planning to get involved but the decision is all mine. ALL mine.

Be yourself. Be entirely yourself. Do whatever eases your life and makes you happy and experience life outside the glass case. If others disapprove let them! This is your life to fuck up and they've got their own to do the same with! If they're any good at it they won't have time to worry about you will they?

Sometimes it just gets away from me. Life that is. It has been a whirlwind few weeks that started with a really strange occurrence. This big round ball of fire appeared in the sky one morning. I'm not sure what it was. I stared at it at first. Confused. Then I had to look away because it was so powerful. It looked like fire. It started to appear every morning and I went out every day checking it out. Soon I noticed strange things happening.

My mood lifted. I was no longer cranky. I could sense that although this round object looked like fire it was a good fire with healing qualities. I spent a lot of time just basking in it.

After a few days of this I noticed my skin started to take on a different appearance. A glowing golden look that was kind of nice when I put some coconut oil on it. I also noticed some leaves appeared on the trees and some grass growing. Then I thought perhaps..if grass could grow, maybe flowers would..so I planted some. My neighbours did the same and now it's just a beautiful colourful paradise in my neighbourhood! What a miracle!

My mood was so great I started going for daily bike rides through parks and around town just feeling the strength in my legs build and the happiness in my heart increasing.

My kids started to do the same and we now enjoy twice daily bike rides.

It's been an odd thing but this ball of fire still seems to rise every day and go away every night. I was hesitant at first to write about it for fear that people would scoff and call me crazy. I mentioned it to a few people in the east and they said they wish they had such a thing there but so far it hadn't shown. In the cave drawings and the archives of the history of Canada it seems this has happened in the past so perhaps it's normal. I can only say it's rather fascinating and interesting to be a part of this wondrous phenomenon.

That aside life has been very standard. Happy of course! Is there any other way to live? We have had a great time. I've been to London(Ontario) with the kids and Burlington(Ontario) for a music festival with my kids and friend Lauren(aka The Hussy) and seen some of my favourite bands performed. I've lunched in coffee shops with interesting people, had huge family dinners for father's day and my daughter's birthday and worked hard to keep the house tidy as people come through to view it. A low offer was refused but we continue to have people through occasionally and know it'll sell when it sells.

Tonight I'm going to a poetry gathering in St. Mary's Ontario where I'll listen to some poetry and maybe share some of my own! I'm excited!

Novel writing has taken a bit of a back burner as I wrap up some loose ends for the Nutritional Snack Program that I have coordinated. I will likely be living elsewhere in September so I want the new coordinator to have an easy transition into this new project. I leave for Newfoundland soon(finally) and that is when I will get working on the novel again. I am excited to finally write the story that is in my brain begging to be told. I also have a non-fiction book in the works. So I will be on Change Islands for a few weeks and head to St. John's near the end of July to hit George Street and visit my sister and shop for a home in the area. I cannot even explain how excited I am. I've promised them I'll try to bring along that big ball of fire that I see every morning. They're happy about that!

Here is the most exciting news for me. I will soon be contributing twice monthly articles to an online magazine in a section devoted to promoting the area I live in. Since I will be living in Newfoundland I will write about all I do, the people I meet and the places I visit. I will include photos and can even include videos and paintings and poetry. This is a nice paying position that will enable to me to write and work at home on all my other projects! With both kids going to school in the fall full time I shall devote all my energy to writing and books of all sorts shall soon be published.

I also have had a second collection of poetry accepted for publication. The tentative publishing date is October 1, 2011 and it is a love story in poetry with all of its ups and downs.

I hope to continue to contribute to this page. My email subscriptions keep climbing in numbers and my followers also seem to be on the increase. So you like it apparently! I also enjoy writing here in this space. It is my "other" journal that doesn't have the angst and fire of my personal one but is so important as my place to share publicly some of my thoughts and feelings.

So a boring little update but more poetry, some excerpts and ponderings are to come again on a regular basis.

I have had some very engaging discussions lately with different people about how the negativity of others can interfere with your own life. I came to the conclusion that it can only do that if you allow it. If you remember always that within every human at their source..their centre..their soul if you prefer..is only pure love. If you meet them and see that aspect of them there is no way they can bring your energy down to their level and it is very likely you will bring them higher.

I have been practicing this lately and someone commented to me just yesterday, "I can't help but be happy in your company." and it reinforced for me that bringing light and seeing light all contribute to a happier space where others are lifted up with you rather than you brought down with them.

Enjoy your day. You really don't need that big ball of fire in the sky for light. The brightest light of all is you at your essence. Smile and know you are the sunshine of your life and it's up to you how much rain and fog you choose to live in.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I squeezed into my Ryder jeans today in honour of this guy, Michael Ryder of Bonavista who'll bring the cup home to Newfoundland!

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Enough said!

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Don't worry American friends. The drinking age in Canada is 19(except in Que where it's 18)

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The Stanley Cup as high as it has ever been raised by Captain Zdeno Chara!

My Big Bad Bruins are the Stanley Cup Champions!!!!

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Tim Thomas; Never had a bad game..heck he never had a average game!

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Most valuable player in the playoffs...Tim Thomas..this was not a surprise..nobody came close.

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The Bruins in HOME Jerseys in the winning huddle..similar to my visualisation. I really should do more of that!!!

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I swear I was home and my ass isn't nearly this good though I do have a better tan...

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﻿The Boston Bruins have won the Stanley Cup! I've heard some sweet words in my life but these are up there with the sweetest! I have waited pretty much my entire life for this. I have dreamt of it. This year it happened. And I knew it would happen. In my heart of hearts I knew this was the year. Yet I didn't always in every moment believe it. Perhaps because I thought it was too good to be true.

The season started off like any other for me. Some good games. Some hatin' on the Habs and the Flyers. And then in November there was a game. And after the game I was wired. Boston had lost but it was a good night all around anyway. And a picture flashed across my mind of the Bruins in their home jersey's jumping on top of each other having just won the Stanley Cup. I remember thinking "wow, they're really gonna win it this year." and then forgetting about it all soon after.

Until the season started to wind down. And the team was doing great. They had been fortunate in the injury department and Tim Thomas was a wonder in net. And occasionally I'd see a flashback of the same scene...the Bruins celebrating the ultimate victory and I believed it may be so.

But the problem is that when you want to believe something so badly sometimes you think it's your wanting that is creating the knowing. So you doubt it, after all isn't it just too good to be true?

Then came the playoffs! The Bruins battled. They had a horrible battle in Montreal losing the first two on home ice. I was stressed. But every time after a loss I went to bed and closed my eyes and remembered the picture. Yes. I wanted them to win really badly but deep inside I knew they would. I told a few people about my little vision. They laughed and scoffed. I laughed too, but hey, visualising happy things isn't bad right?

Then the fun continued. Longtime nemesis Philly was annihilated! Then came Tampa Bay, a good solid team with heart out their ears but still my Bruins battled on. Losing, winning, leaving me worried, stressed, pissed off with more up and downs than a yo yo!(see nice clean analogy..it could have gone another way easily)

Finally. The finals. Against Vancouver. A Canadian team. As a Bruins fan I was suddenly no longer Canadian(uh? But the Bruins have more Canadians on their team and doesn't participation in our election and being an engaged citizen count for anything?) But I let it slide and joined some Boston fan group pages(Bostonians rock!) and moved along...scared to death...excited as hell and still always holding that little flicker of graphic memory that had flashed in my mind 6 months previous. Premonition? Visualisation? Coincidence? Magic?(perhaps I made it happen uh? Ok..well I might have helped a tad! Ya ever consider that?) Who the heck knows? It doesn't matter.

Then it got closer..and it was game six and I realised..wait..they can lose it all tonight but even if they win they're going to Vancouver and my premonition had "home" jerseys. The whites. Then I realised..they're playing dark in Boston so Vancouver WOULD be home jerseys...maybe. If you think hockey players are superstitious they have nothing on me so when I saw them skate on to the ice in white jerseys I knew we had it. Whew. What a relief. I did not stress the game 7. Particularly since the Bruins dominated from the start. First goal to last it was the Bruin's game. I feel bad for Vancouver and their fans but holy crap Batman, Spiderman and Superman, the Boston Bruins have won the Stanley Cup!

I cried. I'm a sap. I put on my jersey..which I couldn't find at first(wtf?). Yep..bawled like a baby. I waited a long time for this. Screamed with friends. I couldn't even talk(I know right?). Drank more beer. Watched highlights. Cried some more. Posted on Face Book. Danced around in my jersey like a fool(slept in it and wore it all day today too) and just savoured the moment(s).

Beer never tasted better and while the behaviour of a few of Vancouver's drunkest and craziest people setting cars on fire and rioting and looting was disheartening, I have never had a more fun celebration or a more fun reason to celebrate. And I'm not too upset with the fans in Vancouver because had the Bruins lost I was planning on burning a car myself. A PT Cruiser most likely because those damn things are ugly. Just kidding. I live in rural Ontario. I would have just tipped a cow and toilet papered a tractor. No seriously..you know I wouldn't have touched the cow.

Now back to the topic. Which is not actually the Stanley Cup or the Bruins. It is Believe!

I had a knowing. I felt it in my core that this was the year. But I wouldn't believe it. Many of us don't believe the signs that are all around us. Little reminders and signs of things that tell me something is up with someone and while most past things like that off as coincidences I'm started to connect that certain flashes of thought or knowing are actually dead-on accurate. That what we sometimes think of as our dream coming true is actually not a dream at all, just something that was destined to be and we knew it was destined.

Who the frig knows what it all means and if it means anything at all. But all the times during these playoffs that I stressed and ranted and was all ticked I could have remained happy and calm had I trusted the intuition I had about the final result. And if I had been wrong what would it have mattered? Isn't it better to just be as happy as you can for as long as you can and face the disappointment when it comes instead of making yourself miserable gearing up for a letdown that never shows up?

I know that Tim Thomas, winner of the most valuable player award (Conn-Smythe) in the playoffs and best goalie winner(Vezina) from a previous year doesn't seem to play that way. He smiles and laughs and shakes his head at his luck when a puck hits the crossbar. He shakes off a bad goal and smiles and carries on. He did not waver in the playoffs and his confidences was unshaken. Not bad for a man who decided to be the first in his family to go to college, whose parents pawned jewelry to keep him in hockey, Who didn't make it into the NHL until he was 34 and who now at 37 has the Stanley Cup and numerous other records and awards that wouldn't have happened if he hadn't worked hard and believed!

This morning I opened the cupboard and saw my Bruins mug. I welled up with emotion. I had bought it last season the day after the Bruins had been defeated early in the playoffs as a defiant show of support and as a way to express "next year boys." Every time I had used it this year I had thought "this is the year" in my mind. This morning when I said it. It was true.

Believe. Dreams come true. Small ones and big ones and they create stories. Some of these stories, even those that never get told to anyone, still have happy endings. This is the happiest ending to the best story ever.

Thank you to the 2010-2011 Boston Bruins. And thank you to anyone else who helped make my dreams come true this year. I will always believe in you. No matter what.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The other day I expressed my desire to ride along with a group of storm chasers following a tornado. What? That's a completely sane thing to want to do. It's fun. Exciting. You get to marvel at the miraculous wonder and power of nature and if you die you die...you're gonna anyway and what a great story!

Anyway, a friend of mine commented on my face book that "everything is an adventure with you Carolyn" and I replied "Everything is an adventure" with me because that's how I greet life. Well, perhaps not so much an adventure as an event. But everything in my life is valuable and amazing and meaningful because it just is.

No, I didn't go storm chasing~yet. Instead, today I had a solo adventure. A mini adventure. Just an hour alone to explore. It was probably in and of itself an ordinary thing. For me it was just pure bliss.

I had to run into Stratford to drive my little grandson and his dad to the Doctor(ear infection~poor little guy) and thought I may as well toss my bike in the back of the truck and take a bike ride around the lake. So after my Gigi duties were complete I hopped on the bike with my blackberry(for pictures) and a bottle of water I set out.

My daughter had suggested I go down the main street to get to the lake but I decided to take some back roads...but I wasn't sure which way to go, I just knew the lake was to the west. I get to the end of one street and then I saw it. An opening into the woods. A trail! An new path! I could not resist. I didn't care if I saw the river. (Ok..it's supposed to be a river but it looks like a lake. So if I mess up...it's the Avon River in Stratford Ontario).

Oh the treasure I found. It turns out this path led to a woodland park! I had never even known it existed. There were walls with plants and park benches and a staired bridge over nothing much at all. It was like a fairy land with the sun beaming through the large oak and maples that left dapples of hot light splattered on the forest floor. I feasted on the magic of the place and took some photos before following the path along hoping it would take me to the Avon. Sure enough, I cleared the trees and there was the river before me with its winding path and swans swimming quite at their leisure in the hot and humid afternoon sun. And it seemed that when I emerged from this magic grove the entire world had become brighter, better and more exciting.

Perhaps it doesn't seem exciting but as I followed the trail around the river it dawned on me that this bicycle trip was a micro-version of life. First of all I had no idea where I was going really when I entered the woods and none of us do when we start on our life journey. I could have chosen any direction but I chose to go straight through into a place where I couldn't tell what was on the other side. If I had gone right or left I would have been with the traffic. The woods were solitary. Not a single other person enjoying the gift of its beauty.

Just like in life I stopped and breathed in the scent of the air. I recognised lilacs and other sweet smelling but unidentifiable flowers. I walked about and explored the different structures and I took photographs to record my memory of the place. Then as in life I climbed the steps that were there to the top of a bridge that went nowhere. I climbed it simply because it was there and pf course, for the view. I've climbed many hills in the past for just that reason and I'll be climbing many more, some to revisit memories of the past, some to make new memories upon when I go to Newfoundland this summer.

And then I hopped back on my bike and followed the winding trail along the river. Just as in life I moved aside to let some people pass. Sometimes they moved aside for me. I smiled and said hello to those I met along the way. Sometimes the birds flew away from me as I whizzed past, some simply stared with curious eyes. I was careful not to hurt or disturb any of them in any way.

Along my ride I felt laughter and wind. At one point I came upon a series of mud puddles and decided to go through and just as in life, when you encounter something messy usually something comes alone to help clean it up and always a clean puddle followed each muddy one. At one point I saw before me a large pond of probably 12 feet or more in length and perhaps 8 feet wide across the path. I slowed down for just a moment. The water had gathered from the night before and I had no idea how deep it was. Then in a moment of impulse I sped back up and whooshed through the pond at the fastest speed I could get up too and the cool water soaked me as I rode through it with a whoop of joy! A lady on a bench nearby laughed out loud and as the my feet struck the water at the deepest point I rejoiced in the impulse that had splashed and refreshed me all at once.

Sometimes you just have to get wet! (Don't even go there with your dirty minds~all right, I admit it, yeah..I went there too, now back to seriously meditative musings ok?) Occasionally in life you just have to follow your heart without thought. It is those times that you value the most and remember with the greatest fondness. I will never forget the sound of the lady's laughter as she caught the joy of my antics. It was worth it just for the memory of that.

Around I went until I came upon a mother swan and her babies. I slowed down then, not wanting to disturb this beautiful family. They started to move a little, the downy infants making the most beautiful whistling sound. I'd never heard the song of a baby swan before and it was beautiful. So I dismounted and stood patiently while their sense of danger passed. I set my bike against a weathered tree stump and slowly and patiently made my way towards them.

I whispered to the mama under my breath that I would never hurt her babies and it seems she believed me because she let me slowly come near enough until I could sit on the bench in front of her. And again it mimicked life. Because in order to gain someones trust it is best to move slowly and patiently and to understand that if they aren't comfortable right away with you that perhaps it's because they've found it difficult to believe in you from some other experience in the past. I video taped the family Swan and then sat in communion with them until her babies slipped back to sleep in front of me with no sense they were in any danger at all. I slipped away then to finish the rest of my journey.

In life sometimes we meet up with the same people at different times in our lives. Sometimes this is a better time to meet them, perhaps there is more room for them now than then. Life sends you where you're supposed to go without fail. Time and life does seem to be a circle and as I came back the opposite side of the river I saw again the swan and her babies. They had come to the other side, nap time complete and swim time the next thing on the schedule. So I stopped again for a moment to reconnect with mama and to watch the adorable cygnets playing. They are truly beautiful.

I passed a black swan, the only one in the group of Stratford swans and noted how very different and alone she appeared to be. Her mate was lost a few seasons ago. But then I noticed that she seemed content alone. She had a beautiful lake and other birds for companionship and hey, she was still a beautiful swan even if unique and without a mate. In fact if she was a smart swan perhaps she would gain something from being unique and alone. Without encumberance and responsibility to others we are free to live for ourselves. This was also a lesson that resonated with me. That we are still who we are even if we are alone. That we are defined not by the roles we play but by the person-or swan-that we are inside.

And on and on it went. The ride lasted over an hour and my legs ached and there were times I had to get of the bike when the hills got steep. There were times I thought I might have to get off but worked my way over the top! And there were times I chose to go slowly and times I flew through the pathway with the wind blowing in my face and my heart leaping in my chest for joy.

So back through the forest grove I went and then on to the street until I made it back to my starting point which is where we are all heading on this journey we called life. I have heard it said that we come from "nowhere" to "now here" and then back to "nowhere" and then back again perhaps. I am not sure but I believe it might be a possibility. I enjoyed my ride but more than a simple bicycle ride, it was indeed an event. An adventure even. Just as life is. Each moment is an event if you choose to make it one.

Adventures are what life is all about and something as simple and common as a bike ride on a new and untraveled path can reveal some of the most excited truths about life if you care to take the time to notice.

An event is not something you attend, it is something you live!
Carolyn R Parsons

Monday, June 6, 2011

On Saturday we attended the St Mary's Storytelling festival. One of the main events was an Ojibway storyteller Aaron Bell and Gonwah Desgohrah White Pine Dancers. And my little Martina was smitten. I first noticed her patting her heart to the beat of the drum before they said that it was the heart beat of Mother Earth. She is a so in touch with her own natural intuition and energy at five and she just knew it was a heart beat. She was mesmerised by the stories and by the dancers and the music. She didn't stop dancing and laughing the entire time. I can tell she felt a kinship beyond being entertained. Something mysterious was at play throughout the entire thing as I watched her stare with more than wonderment but with a sense of belonging, of homecoming. It was a strange and mysterious thing among many strange and mysterious things that happened that day.

And Naturally, when they asked if anyone had questions her hands shot up with a question about the Hoop Dance and at that time she was invited to the front and was twisted with help into three of the hoops. She became "Little Hawk" then and beamed when she stood with hoop wings. She asked us after to call her Little Hawk because that's who they told her she was.

Then at the end she was invited to participate in the smoke dance. She was rhythmic and uninhibited and so free and wild during the dance. She also remembers the song and I've caught her several times since performing and singing the music perfectly when no one is watching. Our neighbours watched with me this morning and were totally impressed that she remembered it after hear it only once. I'm trying to catch her on video. Currently she is outside with her small hula hoops doing her own little Hoop Dance.

How free and in touch with the earth and nature and their own selves are children when they are allowed and encouraged to be. Growing up most of us have had our truest selves tamped down by the expectations of society and of the people around of. We are judged as adults on our ability to be mature and responsible, respectable and appropriate to the point that our heart dances to one rhythm and our lives dance to a different one and we are at odds within ourselves, never fully cohesive, never fully happy, never fully free. It is only when we align our outer lives with what we know to be true of us and let go of the expectations of others in our lives do we get to be full happy in our skin.

I love to play like Martina. We are going for a walk now to the park and we'll take toys. Perhaps we'll take the hoops or maybe we'll just swing as high as we can. I cannot wait to play with Martina because I seriously want to be like her when I grow up. I feel so alive when I do the things that my heart loves to do like swing as high as I can on a swing and lean back and look at the sky! This is magic. Try it. It is incredible!

I am so at peace when I am dancing freely to the rhythm of my heart and mother earth and I do it a lot. The rest of the world be damned because this is my dance and I have my own steps. Dance your own dance but don't interfere with mine.

The truth is I still manage to function within society. I can still walk into a room and be totally appropriate but I am totally and appropriately one hundred percent me. But what happens to a lot of people, myself included in the past, is that all of their actions are designed to gain something from others. Approval, attention, kudos etc. to the point that if they do not receive that they are miserable. They simply don't see their own value beyond the impression others have of them.

I have seen people's lives so completely wrapped up in doing what pleases others or believing that the approval of others is what will make them happy but to live that way gives the responsibility for your action to others and also gives them a power over your life that takes away from you because you just cannot always meet the expectations of those around you.

At some point you will disappoint somebody and when your own heart speaks loudly, because eventually its need to be heard will come forth, you may even disappoint everybody. Then who are you? The only person you need to impress is yourself and to do so you strive to be the best person you can be and to live the best life you can live regardless of the opinions of others. Your character is your true calling card, not your reputation. Strengthen your character and you will likely improve your reputation without even trying because a person of strong character is always more respected over a person who has given their life over to others.

I read somewhere a quote that said (and I'm paraphrasing) I would rather be hated for who I really am than loved for who I am not." This speaks to me because there is always at least one person who loves the real me and that is the real me. And a fake me, well is a mirage and nothing to love anyway. Happiness is attractive and being true to your inner self, following your heart's dance is likely to attract love like you've never known. Just from people who are as aligned with their own heart song as you are.

It is difficult to change. Two steps forward, one step back but in time you find you are letting go of the need to make others like you or need them to make you happy. You become your own best friend. Meanwhile laugh and love and dance! Life is short and the wind in your hair and a smile on your face is the best way to go forward!

Here is a video of Martina doing her smoke dance with Gonah Desgohrah White Pine Dancers. If it doesn't make you smile today call a therapist stat.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Yes I am talking to you. You know who you are! I have something to tell you that you might not have known for sure lately. But is something that is absolutely true. Here it is. Are you ready for it?

You are amazing! Do you have any idea how incredible you are? You are one of the most amazing people on the face of the earth. In the time you have been here you have done incredible things. You have grown and learned and loved and walked. You have created wonderful brand new humans! Yes whole entire humans with hands and eyes and hearts that are as incredible as you are and often look a bit like you.

You have smelled flowers and gazed at the moon and felt the wind on your face. You have been in love and lost at love and found love again. You have raged and hated and made massive mistakes and you have picked yourself up and brushed yourself off! You have acted in ways you are ashamed off but you are learning to forgive yourself and value yourself, mistakes and all! Aren't you wonderful? And you grow. Not the physical growth, though that is phenomenal too, but inside you've grown. You may not always show it but you have. And you're going to continue to learn and grow because that's why you're here on this planet. For that reason and to be happy!

Your face and body have also changed and grown as time moves on but you are learning to realise this is a part of you, but it is not you. You are that wonderful deep down inside commander of your body and life that never changes! You know this is true and you love that about yourself!

You have done wonderfully kind things for your friends and you've done kind things for yourself as well. You know being kind to yourself isn't selfish because you deserve kindness, after all, you are amazing! You don't need to tell the world how loving and good you are because it is irrelevant. You know it yourself and you are the most important person and the only person you care to impress with how amazing you are!

You have talents that you've explored and are still exploring. You appreciate the talents of others as well and respect that they are different but equally as valuable as your own. That friggin' rocks!

You are being the best human being you can be and you know that even if you haven't always been that way, for none of us are perfect and we hurt the ones we love sometimes and ourselves in the hurting of others, that you have the ability right in this moment to stop doing hurtful things. You have stopped doing hurtful things. For right in this moment, as you are reading this, you are hurting no one. See how that works?

You are interested too. You have such a curiosity about you. You look at the sky and marvel that you get to be human and have the ability to look at the sky yet you also consider that you are quite little in size in reality. Not irrelevant of course. You are totally relevant!

Most of all you are loved. You are so loved. You sometimes don't feel it. You sometimes feel that nobody loves you but you are indeed very loved. How can someone as incredible as you not be loved. It's not because of who you are or what you have or your job or friends or the way you dress. You are loved because you are just awesomesauce and potato chips!

So walk tall! Be strong. Be free and do what you love to do. Be well and know you deserve it because you are incredible and perfect right where it matters most, in your heart.

If after you read this, tomorrow or later on down the road, someone judges you on something you have said, done or believe, remember what I said to you here. Come back and read this again anytime you have a feeling that you are not wonderful. Heck, copy and paste it into a document and print it out. Put it in your wallet or purse to pull out in moments when you doubt your awesomeness. Keep it, it is yours,, because this is meant for you, you are amazing and I'm talking to you. You know who you are!

﻿

True happiness is only gained by not only allowing others to be happy but by encouraging it even if their choices are not the ones you would wish. Unconditional love means loving those you love not because yourown happiness depends upon it but becausetheirs does.
Carolyn R Parsons

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Bieber fever that is. Justin Bieber is home. It's big news. I drove by where he was while explaining to little girls about privacy and respect and I hope others take care to treat him and his adorable girlfriend that way as they spend time with his family this week. Then I tweeted him hello from the girls just to make the kids happy. It worked. They were satisfied.

Yep that's the big news. Not much going on bigger than the Biebs coming to town.

My reading/book signing as an invited author as part of the St. Mary's Storytelling Inc.'s Once Upon a Thames Storytelling Festival on Saturday morning at the St. Mary's Public Library is small news. But It's Exciting to me as I read some of my poetry and a little bit from my book but not Bieber-exciting nosirree!

My surprise conversation on The Innernet Diva's radio show was also nowhere near as exciting as Selena and Justin strolling around the Avon in Stratford feeding the ducks. But it was exciting to me and a heck of a lot of fun.

Plans are well underway to move to NL in about a month. What an undertaking. Well worth the effort but somewhat daunting. Don't expect much in the way of blogging for the next while though I do have some almost finished posts ready to schedule so I won't disappear completely. It appears that I will be in my home town of Change Islands at exactly the same time that I was last year. I'm looking forward to walking some of the same trails and climbing some of the same hills I did a year ago. I don't think anything will be as magical as that trip was but perhaps it'll be close. And who knows, perhaps it'll be better! The milky way still lowers itself each night like a starlit blanket and the ocean will still be that remarkable blue that I've rarely seen in any other setting. I'll dream under the North Star and become inspired by the setting sun. I believe in magic. It's that place that makes me believe, so why not?

Nope nothing as exciting as Justin Bieber coming to town, just regular life for a regular family. Just the way I like it.

Oh, wait, this is exciting. I made the best chocolate chip cookies ever yesterday! They were fantastic! They are all gone and I only had two! Now that's better than Bieber!

I'm including a link to the radio player. For email subscribers just copy and paste the url link into your web browser and find it there. It's all about "letting go of your but" and recognising and getting past the excuses we often make for not doing the things we want to do. It is a wonderful topic and I hope you enjoy it and I hope it helps you realise and move past the excuses you make for not going after all the things you really want in life!

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Welcome to my blog. This is a place where I can stretch my writing wings and share my thoughts. I believe that truths can be found in all sacred scriptures but are generally not found behind church doors. I believe we are all on a journey to enlightenment and that all roads lead home. I was asked to state my six word motto. I came up with "Easy come, easy go, walk on".Thank you for reading my writings. I welcome you to comment at the bottom. I love to know who is reading.