I've been pretty up and down emotionally lately, Most will say you're a girl of course you're emotional, in part I agree but for the most part I am rarely emotional in public.

Lately I am almost attacking my emotional out bursts at people and I can't control it.

It is amusing thinking that the littlest thing can set it off and I am usually fine seconds later, for instance I have a girly night with friends a few weeks back and as most of you know I have always got on better with guys and have had almost exclusively male friends, However recently I accumulated some of the best and awesome friends of the female variety. We were all drinking and relaxing and chatting and I cried for no reason about 4 times.

It has been quite an adjustment getting used to be social and having quite to many good friends, friends who listen to you and acknowledge what you have to say, that don't disregard you being there as an extention of another person and who are genuine.

All that is besides the point, my question is how many of you guys have felt alone in a crowd despite loving your friends and the people who are around you?

Monday, June 10, 2013

I know it has been entirely too long since I posted but my life took a rather dramatic turn in the last year. I will try and keep this post brief since no one wants to listen to my ramblings unless you do then keep reading and thank you.

As some of you know I split from my long term boyfriend of almost six years early last year and though it was for the best and we are still friends, there were definitely some adjustments required.

I moved home and back in with my mother and as I get one very well with my mother this was completely ok.Everything was fine for awhile.

Enter big change two.

Then my mom moved to America, Don't get me wrong I love my mother and I am so very happy for her and her new husband but it was an adjustment too.Even when I lived with my ex I was still in the same town and never to far from her.

So I had to get used to lived and coping with things on my own.

Mostly this works out well but has meant cutting back on some of the more frivolous things I was buying to make myself feel better and also my tastes have changed. I used to stay in all the time and blog, buy stuff online and then blog about it and while this is totally fine, I was not interacting to well with the outside world.

I have always had a few friends but by no means and abundance of them and though I don't see them that often due to Life in general, (Girlfriends/Boyfriends/Work/Children etc) didn't mean that I had to lock myself away.

This continued when I was back home, I'd work and go home and Hermit Crab myself away from the world. There were times when literally the only times I left my room were to work, feed myself and use the bathroom facilities. This was not healthy but I didn't realise this. I left myself in my own little world safe from being hurt but ultimately making myself very very alone.

There are also some things you don't know about me, I have some issues, Phobias and such, makes it hard for me to allow people to get close, I have proximity issues, don't like large crowds, unnecessary touching, small spaces, feeling/looking weak and I have difficulty accepting help to name but a few.

Enter change three.

One of my friends I reacquainted with after my split introduced me to one of his friends who lived nearby in October last year and my life really hasn't been the same since.

Have you ever noticed that when you are with people you sort of repress parts of yourself, you don't even realise you do it until suddenly you are no longer part of a unit and it all comes flooding back.

I am, ladies and gentlemen, a big 'ol nerd. I love to game, I love comics. I like to RPG. I had forgotten all about this. I feel I got so caught up in my partners personality that I forgot I had one of my own.

I never realised how much I missed it until I started doing it all again.

So through this new and incredible awesome friend I have now made some and by some I do mean a lot of the most amazing people. There is rarely a weekend I don't have something fun or exciting to do.

Though money is extremely tight I have still manage to slowly build my comic collection something I haven't been able to do in a really long time, I can have girly nights which I've never done and I can be accepted for me.

Not me as an extension of another person, me as my own entity.

So as a result of this I am embarking on a new chapter of my life and though I love this blog and have had some great fun making these posts over the few years I blogged, I want to combine all my interests into one blog.

I want to be able to talk about makeup and looks as well as movies and comics.
Have little debates on thoughts of actors playing certain comic/game characters. Show my art and stuff that I make. Of course there will be rants too but what would a blog of mine be without some rants.

I want the new blog to be more "me" the single entity me and not the me by extension.

So will some of my much loved followers follow me on this journey?

I hope so, but if you decide it is not for you then that is cool too and I appreciate you since you were there when I felt my lowest even if I didn't realise it myself at times.

So thank you all.
Much love Sarah.

P.s For those who want to embark on the adventure with me here is the new blog address.