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Beware of nonsensical ramblings!

I withdrew from my junior year’s spring semester at Concordia College this past March or April. I am technically on academic leave for one year, i.e. return to Concordia the fall of 2013.I am not going to continue my education at Concordia.I am not going to waste the ~75 credits and $xx,xxx dollars in loans and become a dropout.I will complete my bachelors degree via night or online degree completion programs.I have full time employment, salaried, and receive rich benefits at a very low-stress job.I quit the Concordia Choir when I quit school.I have coped with this fact with very strong denial and avoidance.

I’m grateful for my life.For my boyfriend who loves me to the moon and back,For my precious kitty who seems to know exactly when I need cuddles or playtime, For the sky, the stars, its storms and all of its vastnessFor my family, who really define the term unconditional (yet disfunctional) loveFor myself, and the center I keep striving toward,For nature and its wisdom.

The things (“things”) I am grateful for are inumerable. I am so fortunate, I am me,

The covers of most men’s and women’s magazines have similar headlines: get great abs and have amazing sex.

From the looks of it, these two issues have been recycled over and over (with some other stereotypically gender relevant articles thrown in) on every Men’s Health, Maxim, Cosmo and Glamour cover since the dawn of time. In fact, I’d bet that if we could get a better translation of cave drawings, they would read something like “Grok get flat belly; make girl Grok moan with joy.”

And we keep buying them. We keep buying this lie that these things will make us happy. I’ve had washboard abs (past-tense) and I’ve had some pretty phenomenal sex. Neither one made me a better person; neither one completed me or made my life more fulfilling.

The ol’ coconut needs a software update, especially in the filing department. Just like at work. At work, I am organized. I am organized at work because I have a desk, file organizers, and a clutter-free Outlook inbox. Everything goes where it should go. It all makes sense.

See now, my head doesn’t work with such efficiency and accuracy. Unlike an office job, my brain isn’t logical. At all. Traditional filing systems have no shot against my eternally tangled and erratic thoughts or memories, etc.