Can someone please explain to me what the fucke possible positive purpose could ever be served by fucken FOREIGN SERVICE DIPLOMATS spewing gibberish on goddamn motherfucken twitter????? I mean seriously. Isn’t the basis of diplomacy that you communicate using carefully worded detailed statements arrived at only after careful deliberation? And isn’t the entire purpose of twitter to completely prevent the use of carefully worded detailed statements and to absolutely destroy any notion of deliberation before emitting speech?

(1) What kind of fucked uppe system allows an entire goddamn motherfucken laptop to be wiped remotely from the Internet?

(2) Yeah, I’ll totally be “linking” all my fucken hardware shitte together and giving the keys to the whole fucken shebang to some goddamn fucken corporation.

(3) Yeah, I’ll totally be putting all my important data files on the goddamn motherfucken “cloud” under the sole control of some goddamn fucken corporation.

(4) The only reason this motherfucker isn’t still just sitting in his living room with his dicke in his hande trying fruitlessly to get someone to help him is that he is apparently some kind of prominent Web douche.

Since itte’s been a while since I’ve mentioned my thoughts on twitter:

Twitter suckes complete fucken asse. I’d rather hammer a thousand nails through my dicke, pour gasoline on itte, and light the motherfucker on fire than engage with motherfucken twitter and the gibbering assholes yammering endlessly there in illiterate ejaculations and rushing around like fucken lemmings with their goddamn stupid “hashetagges” and other absurd thought-destroying nonsense.

As far as, “twitter helps me stay abreast of SCIENZ”, this is ridiculous. I stay abreast of science by being part of a community of scientists who share information with one another in a selected directed fashion (and by reading the tables of contents of a relatively small number of journals). I have e-mail and voice discussions with people on a daily basis about important new science. I visit other institutions and attend conferences to deliver seminars and meet with people several times per month. I know about new important shit before it even gets published. If I don’t know about something, and it ends up published in some shitball journal I’ve never even heard of, then it is certain to be scientifically irrelevant.

This whole idea that we need MOAR INFORMATIONZ, and that in the onslaught of a massive flood of information floating around on the Internet we need SOCIAL TOOLZ to filter that information is a fucken joke. What we need is LESS INFORMATIONZ; the flood is just a distraction and a waste of time. And the proliferation of more and more and more journals publishing more and more trivial garbage is something to rue, not celebrate.

Gibberish like twitter has *zero* effect on the conduct of actual meaningful science and the flow of information among actual scientists publishing their work in reputable journals. I need to know about some article published in some fucken journal I’ve never heard of like I need another fucken whole in my head. Twitter may be great for amateur science enthusiasts to get each other all excited about some new science coming down the road, but for real scientists doing the actual work, it is a complete waste of time.

Roxie’s World has an outstanding post up concerning the role that twitter played at this big MLA (Modern Language Assembly?) humanities shindig that just happened in LA.

She takes a balanced view on the roles of twitter as a communication medium for scholars, but also expresses some concerns. For example, of the approximately 7000 tweets that were published about the meeting, about 3000 of them emanated from just ten people at the meeting. Just think about that for a moment.

Now, for my unbalanced view: I absolutely 100% refuse to write or read on twitter, and for reasons that are partially captured by Roxie’s blog post.

First, I believe that it–like Facebook–is deeply destructive of the mental operation of contemplation. The entire intrinsic structure of the medium is 100% oriented towards MORE, FASTER, BRIEFER, SUPERFICIALER communication. It is about collecting: friends, links, retweets, followers, hashtags, etc, and not about describing, explaining, or contemplating. It is about avoiding deep thought, not embracing it.

Second, it is about DOMINATING discourse, not diversifying it. Yeah, it might be a different set of people who are using it to dominate than who are using traditional modes of scholarly communication, but ten people at this meeting posted 300 fucken tweets each!?!? Jeezus fucke. It is about defining insiders and outsiders. (And no way were those poor compulsive twittering assholes even able to listen to the sessions they were at or genuinely participate in them: see my first concern above.)

Third, it is grossly destructive of the practice of constructing decent complete grammatical sentences in the English language (and, I’m sure, other languages that poor dumb twittering fuckes in other countries use). Why should I learn to read and write in some bizarre semaphoric bastardized illiterate form of English language just so that a bunch of assholes can whip out hundreds of least-common-denominator atomized communications as fast as possible like it’s some kind of massive throbbing cocke to smack other people in the face with? Get your fucken twitdicke out of my face: I’m not interested.

Fourth, it enables a form of herd behavior with masses of people rushing around like lunatics flogging their fucken hashtags and leaping off rhetorical cliffs that I find extremely distasteful. What’s the fucken hurry? Do I really need access to anyone’s thoughts but my own in real time?

Fifth, at the end of the day, it’s corporate shill shitte. Some massive corporation is leveraging off content that users provide them for free in order to make fucketonnes of money. No thanks.

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Native advertising is ad content that is original, non-intrusive (because it’s produced by the publisher), and platform-specific. But? Building great content that compels and engages audiences is time- and labor-intensive. What works on one channel for one publisher will not work for others.

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How do we solve it?

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Anyone capable of translating this gibberish into a plain English description of what the fucke this company actually does?

Am I understanding correctly that basically they have swarms of douches on retainer that they pay to spam comments on Twitter, Faceshitte, Poopterest, Instashitte, and blogges floggeing whatever crappe their clients are trying to sell?

Over on the twitterz, DrugMonkey is sparring with some loonie pit bull enthusiasts. Sadly, their best argument seems to be “well, even yorkies maim people”. Hmm, now where have I heard this before? Oh, right.

Again, if you’re disallowed from doing the work you want, you are a slave to the system that restricts you.

How did you so violently miss the point? Seriously. Are you being willful about this or are you just obfuscating?

Prejudice? Perhaps the word you’re looking for is “presumptuous?” I understand they both start with P but come on.

If you’re not allowed to peacefully use your body how you wish to use it, then you’re probably a slave to someone.

Wait, only black people were ever slaves? WTF is wrong with you? Are you being willfully stupid?

You need a basic premise before you move onto further steps, no? First, take a stance, then act, etc.

And these are just from the last half day! As you can see, this is just a game for people like this who–for whatever reason–lack actual productive outlets for their rhetorical energies, and so use atheism/libertarianism/whateverism as an opportunity to live out their high-school debate-team CHAMPEEN Walter Mitty fantasies on the Internet.

These ineffectual people are afraid of atheism+, exactly because it threatens their pretend privileged status on the atheism debate-team CHAMPEENSHIP playground, and threatens the real privileged status of the “famous” white d00d atheists they identify with to control discourse and the allocation of resources to real advocacy operations.