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have you ever had this feeling

where you become fully aware that you're you?

ok, by which i mean:

you suddenly become conscious of the fact of your consciousness. that it isn't something to be taken for granted, that out of all the people or things whose experiences you could be the subject of, you of all the bodies you could inhabit or not inhabit, you're YOU and there's no way it could ever be different, and really no way you could conceive of something else. whatever 'consciousness' is you have it and you experience subjective feelings and events, and you feel sort of placed outside of consciousness. i dont know how to explain it, but i think if anyone else has had it they understand. its really weird. i have it, say, maybe once a year or so for a brief spell. it's actually very disconcerting, almost actually terrifying to me, so whenever i feel a 'spell' of it coming on i try to think about something else. i bring this up because i had it for a moment while i was laying down this morning.

"I'll go," said Chagataev. "But what will I do there? Build socialism?"
"What else?" said the secretary.

I sort I get what you are getting at, but more of I realize my physical self and what I am. It usually happens when I see or hear something in a human that reminds me of an ape, the way we walk around or scream for example. Then I look at my hands. Those hands, those are the same hands of squirrel monkeys, gorillas, and orangutans. Look at that hair, look at all your hair, look at your face, look at your nose. In those moments I get almost disgusted with myself and realize this is me, this is all of us.

I sort I get what you are getting at, but more of I realize my physical self and what I am. It usually happens when I see or hear something in a human that reminds me of an ape, the way we walk around or scream for example. Then I look at my hands. Those hands, those are the same hands of squirrel monkeys, gorillas, and orangutans. Look at that hair, look at all your hair, look at your face, look at your nose. In those moments I get almost disgusted with myself and realize this is me, this is all of us.

i feel this sometimes too but no, they're very different things. i think the thing im talking about first happened when i was around 8 or 9.

"I'll go," said Chagataev. "But what will I do there? Build socialism?"
"What else?" said the secretary.

I'm not sure, but when I was a kid I would get fevers so high that, looking back, probably made me hallucinate. It was as if reality had been ripped from me, and that nothing ever was or ever would be real.