'Take suicide seriously'

Thursday

Mar 21, 2013 at 10:18 PMMar 21, 2013 at 11:22 PM

County has resources for parents, children who are talking about suicide

By Karen Botakaren.bota@sentinel-standard.com

IONIA COUNTY — Local mental health professionals are offering advice to parents of children who may have questions in the wake of an apparent suicide of an eighth grader at a middle school near Detroit Thursday morning.

The teen, who was a student at Davidson Middle School in Southgate, reportedly shot himself in the head in a school bathroom. There also are reports that he may have been bullied.

It is an opportunity for families to talk about a difficult topic, said Sue Ward, a therapist with Journeys Counseling Center in Ionia.

"Hopefully, there can be a discussion with the parents and kids about how sad it is that this little guy felt he was so overwhelmed and thought that things were going to stay that way," she said. "There is good conversation potential to say to your kids, 'Anytime you are hurting, it is so important to reach out to someone to talk to about your feelings, to say I am hurting and I need to talk. When we are hurting, it is hard to remember this is temporary, but if you can reach out to somebody you trust and get help. Things will get better.'"

At the same time, if a child wants to talk about the student suicide, it is important to consider their developmental level, added Michigan Certified School Psychologist Brian Gussin, who works with middle and high school students in Ionia Public Schools and is the leader of the schools' critical incident team.

"It is appropriate to talk about the facts with an adolescent, and then ask their opinion about what happened. With a younger child, it is probably more appropriate to address any worries or concerns about things like feeling safe in the school," he said. "Kids need to know that this is a relatively rare event, and that there are adults in the schools and in the community that try to keep everyone safe."

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among youth between 10 and 19 years of age, according to the National Association of School Psychologists. There are often personality changes that parents, teachers or friends may notice – something more intense or problematic or frequent – such as isolating by going straight to their room after school every day, giving away their prized possessions, letting their appearance go, sleeping all day, having feelings of despair, or making statements like "I wish I weren't alive," either to someone or on social media.

Sometimes a person having suicidal thoughts or acting depressed will suddenly seem happy – not because they are over their pain but because they have made a suicide plan, Gussin said.

"Something is going on. It may not be suicide, but it's something," said Liz Thelen, a therapist with Ionia County Community Mental Health and a certified trainer of Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST). "Be open and honest, and ask them. Say, 'I noticed this. What's going on?'"

Thelen said it is not enough to ask whether a child is thinking about hurting themselves, but recommended asking whether they are having thoughts of suicide.

"Ask them directly," she said. "Try to engage them and talk with them about it. With this topic, that is the only way to get a direct response."

If a child says they are considering suicide, or threatens to kill themselves, take it seriously, said Bob Lathers, CEO of Ionia County Community Mental Health.

"This is the key thing: it is a myth that people and kids don't talk about suicide or give signals. They do," Lathers said. "It is sometimes thought if someone threatens suicide, they won't follow through. Spoken or unspoken, it should be taken seriously."

Often, adolescents in particular will say things in the heat of the moment, and adults might be tempted to ignore it, Gussin said.

"You don't want to make the mistake of not taking it seriously the one time you should have," he said. "Trust your instincts. If you suspect something is going on, or doesn't seem right, bring someone else in to look at it. Call your pediatrician, a counselor, community mental health, school, anybody – it's better to be on the cautious side."

Lathers added a person threatening suicide could be taken to the hospital's emergency department, or law enforcement could be called through 911. Community Mental Health has a confidential crisis line for any mental health emergency or crisis, which is staffed 24 hours a day, seven days a week. That number is 888-527-1790.

Another resource is the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 800-273-8255, which also will connect callers with a crisis counselor 24 hours a day.

Ward agreed that it is important for parents to act when a child makes a suicide statement.

"It's very, very important to hear your child, to sit down, talk, find some help – a counselor, a support group, someone to alleviate the pain your child is going through," she said. "Get whatever help is going to work out for that child, that parent and that family."

Having conversations like this and confronting a child often can lead to uncovering other issues a child may be dealing with that the parents have no idea about, said Gussin, such as drug and alcohol use, which can increase the likelihood of suicide attempts, relationships in which they are being poorly treated, or bullying.

"Suicide is generally thought of as a preventable problem," he said. "Sometimes all it takes is the courage of one person that hears that information from a child and does something about it."

Parents can encourage a child who has a friend who is threatening suicide to take them seriously as well, Thelen said.

"Tell them to tell someone, even if it is a friend who says it all the time. If you're at school, tell the principal or a teacher, their parent. Tell an adult," she said. "You want them to be safe. They'll forgive you (for telling)."

Here are additional resources on suicide, teen suicide and depression:

American Association of Suicidology http://www.suicidology.org/home

National Association of School Psychologistshttp://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/suicide-resources.aspxhttp://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/savefriend_general.aspxhttp://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/suicideprevention.aspx