7.12.2006

Do you ever get to that point in your life where things seem to be moving in slow motion? And you don't WANT them to but at the same time you do? Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.

Part of me wants this deployment to just hurry up and GET HERE. Mentally I've been preparing for this for 2 YEARS now...let's just get on with it already. I remember telling my friend Shannon that I would much rather have 48 hours' notice as opposed to a year. So part of me really would like a fast forward button on life. I want to get THROUGH the painful part and say goodbye and start working toward the WONDERFUL part of reuniting what all of this is done. I want to get my kids and myself into a routine that will sustain us for the next year or so. To me, there is comfort in routine and right now, I can SEE it but I can't touch it.

And then there is the part of me that would give just about anything to slow things down. There are only days left at this point and at times it feels like I'm dreaming that I'm falling and I can't quite shake myself awake. Having never been through a deployment, I have no idea how the send off will go. Will there be a mass departure? Will I have to take him to the airfield? Will there be other spouses there at the same time? Or will I be left to pick myself up off the floor alone?

Ok, time to stop contemplating this. I'm starting to lose control of my emotions.