Ugh.... Crushes

My mom thinks it's good for me to have crushes at my age. I don't think so. And this picture reminds me of Bound and Gagged by Creature Feature, about a girl that's kept captive and... going off topic.

No, no, no.

In my world, where love is an embarrassment to nature, and where everything that Iâ€™ve ever known is slowly crumbling into some sort f shallow impulse, thereâ€™s nothing like writing it down.

It begins with boredom, the incapability to find something meaningful, the lack of value in the things around me. And then the thoughts start to come up, emerge from their submergence to forceful ignorance. Itâ€™s something special- something that I was to forget and be free of, not let it be apart of me. But thereâ€™s no escaping it but to shun it from my reality, and that takes energy that can become tired all too quickly.

The embarrassment is some sort of disease- like knowing that bacteria is slowly condensing into your blood and infecting you, witnessing the bugs swarm and break your immunity apart. Itâ€™s ugly; you know itâ€™s apart of you

I try to get him out of my brain- I know that Iâ€™m more of a fantasy in these daydreams than he is- the daydreams I know are playing in my head, underneath the walls I plastered round my brain for resistance. I am not as special, do not meet the standards that are necessities. I kick myself whenever I become, grudgingly, aware of this. And even more grudgingly, I become aware that my wall- my immunity, has become weak.

Itâ€™s a feeling that does not come from you, so it is not familiar, and you cannot stop it. Itâ€™s a rope that falls from your heart through your skin and rolls to someone whose name is unutterable to your mouth. If you say it, your whole self becomes changed- you become sick with the thought that you are as weak, as displeased as you are. And some adventurous, accepting part lightly whispering within the center of those resisting yells- the wall, the immunity- spurs me on, drives me on, keeps the feeling locked in my chest. Itâ€™s the origins of my madness.

I guess this is where it comes from, that weâ€™re all mad.

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This made me laugh. It's orginal and well written. I like how you've described crushing like a disease! I also like the idea of crushing out of boredom. Glad to know i'm not the only one! As a point of improvement I would say not to start with 'No, no no.' and just go onto 'In my world...'