He wanted everything to be perfect, and he wanted to fix everything that he loved. Love to him was a thing that is a straight line/ a row of M&M's all the same color/ a harmoniously written list on a paper; if anything fell out of line or changed color or was crooked, that to him meant something bad and love couldn't have anything bad in it therefore he had to fix everything. Until everything became a straight line. Until everything became one color. Until all the words on the list were in only one handwriting. Until he began to be happy with something that couldn't make anyone else happy. Because love isn't a straight line nor is it something that is only one color all over and it's certainly not written in only one man's hand. And by the time he began to be happy, he also began to see that the ground he was standing on had already fallen out from under him; there was no ground left for him. Everything was "perfect" and now everything was over.

My mother is visiting with me. Now, when my mother visits with me, I learn lots of things. But it's not from the reason that you're thinking. I learn lots of things when my mother comes to stay with me, from listening to myself talk to her! I know that's unconventional, but it's just plain truth. My mother says "Please, sit down with me and tell me things!" And so I start talking with her, and everything just flows, I listen to myself, and I think "Wow, I'm learning all this really enlightening stuff!" And I go on and on and I learn so many things! So, I honestly can't give credit to my parents for the things that I can write and express to you. I have always felt that I have grown my mother up, instead of the other way around. I have always been my mother's guide, strength, encouragement and I have always tried my constant best to protect her from the wolves that always surround her (my mother has a magnetic pull on manipulative and controlling people/friends.)

I'd like to share with you today about what I've learned (from me) over the past weeks during mama's visit...

"Mama, you are the one who breathes life into the situations and circumstances that will happen to you. You are responsible for breathing life into things. Instead of always asking yourself What if this bad thing happens? What if that bad thing happens? What if all these bad things happen? you have to ask yourself What if this awesome thing happens? What if that wonderful thing happens? What if it's the best thing that will ever happen in my life? and you have to do that because you are responsible for breathing the life into the things that you want or don't want to happen to you."

She fixated her eyes onto me with a deeply sincere gaze.

"Everything is dead until you start believing in it. If you are constantly going over and over in your head, repeatedly thinking about all the negative and terrible things that could possibly happen, what you're doing is you're breathing life into those things! You have to make that choice to breathe life into all the positive things! You have to turn yourself into a different direction and start pondering and desiring all the positive and beautiful things that could possibly happen because that's how you are going to breathe life into those beautiful things and then those things will begin to have a heartbeat and then take form into whatever forms they come in and then if they grow legs they will start jumping and running towards you; if they sprout wings they will come flying for you; should they be fluffy and soft objects then that means they will float and drift and fall all over you like snowflakes; and if they are like water drops then they will gather together and begin to ripple and flow and run you over like a tsunami!"

"I need you to write this all down for me, so I won't forget it! Write it down for me, everything that you're saying, okay?"

"But ma, you have a brain and a heart, that's what your brain and heart are for, so you can carry things like this around with you everywhere and always! Your brain and heart are better than any pen and paper!"

See, my mother comes from a very negative-oriented family. She and her siblings carry around a negative energy rather than the desired positive energy that we need and should crave for. They think about every single negative thing that could possibly happen, before taking any step further in any direction, or before doing anything at all!

After I sat down with my mother on that sunny, humid morning, I have definitely seen the change in her. You see, I know a secret truth and this secret truth that's unknown by others, is that every soul carries a "pilot light" in the middle of it. A pilot light that once is lit, will never fade or disappear. And what I do is I light those pilot lights. That's what I do. I know where it is, in every person, and I know how to light it, from anywhere and from any distance and by any means. I'm a pilot light lighter. I think I lit my mama's pilot light that morning. And my mama's a tough cookie to crack, but I feel that I've cracked her. In the not-so-long time she's been here, I can already feel a 100% difference. In that certain area.

I think that I am going to get my mama a laptop. She told me today "How unfortunate it is that other people can read the things you write and have to say, and I'm your mother and I can't keep up, I need a laptop so I can read everything, too."

Hey everybody! :) I just wanted to let you guys know that my dearly loved little niece in Norway is in the running to become the new face of Leverpostei! :) She's got a real chance to win the whole thing with all of our support! :D I'd just be so thankful if you guys (or anybody simply passing by here) would cast a vote for her and I realize that everything is written in Norwegian on the voting ballot, but it's really VERY easy to vote for my niece, Rebecca Grace; all that you have to do is first click on her photo, then the ballot will appear, type the Captcha Code into the blank rectangular box, then click "STEM" which is the red button beside the blank box. "STEM" means "VOTE". If you mess up the code, a new code will display and you can try again but if you get the simple Captcha Code right, you will be able to read a thank-you-message saying "Takk for din stemme!" meaning "Thank you for voting!"

P.S. I almost forgot! You may vote more than once, if you would like! One vote per computer per 24 hours is allowed (that means you can vote today then 24 hours later you can vote again on the same computer, but if you have more than one computer, each computer counts as a different person so you may vote on each computer if you would be so kind as to do so.) ♥

Freedom is not the absence of commitment, and to be committed to something or to someone does not mean the loss of freedom. But freedom exists in the realm of the unbound and to be free is to be committed to that which is a part of the unbound realm. Whatever sets your soul to flight is freedom. If someone sets your soul to flight, to stay with that person is not to lose freedom but to stay with that person is to retain freedom. Together you have what is unbound. Whatever will swell your spirit and give you wings, is freedom, and it is a fault if you let go of that for the very reason that you are afraid of losing your freedom and in doing so you have in fact let go of what will keep you unbound.

There are gigantic trees that have grown tall into the winds and the clouds over the thousands of years of their lives, their tops are rustled and tossed by the mists of the atmosphere! Then there are the short trees that don't live for long, they are young with no deep roots and only a few annual rings to tell their stories.The tall, ancient trees sway in the realm of freedom while the short young trees cannot even raise their branches into that direction of the sky! Now, you are the bird who needs a tree to live in; if you choose to live in the tree which thrives in the realm of freedom, that doesn't mean you are not committed to that tree. You are still committed to your tree, but together you and your tree live in freedom. Freedom is not the absence of commitment. If you are the bird who chooses to fly around amongst the short trees and live in them, that's because your wings are too short to make it any higher and your vision too near to see any further into the clouds. And if you move from one short tree to the next short tree, that doesn't mean you are free, you are still down there below, freedom is still nowhere near you.

Freedom is a place, an area. It's a higher place. There are some other people that are here, and things that are here which are unseen. But you first have to set yourself free and believe in what you cannot see, believe that there is something more out there. In freedom can be found many devotions: a devotion to love, a desire to believe, a willingness to be happy, a perseverance to have peace.All these unseen things breathe and grow in the unseen soul. A free person is not an uncommitted person, but in a free person you will find a deep devotion, and a desire to be devoted to even more.

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ON GOODREADS

"I am a flawed person. A brook with many stones, a clear blue sky with many blackbirds. I have many shortcomings. A rainbow that’s not long enough, a starry night with clouds. But I can only be thankful to the God who loves me just this way, and I can only be grateful to the people in my life who accept the clear blue sky with many blackbirds and who are patient with the rainbow that isn’t long enough. And because of this, I am taught love, because of this I love my God, and I love these people."— C. JoyBell C.

DISCLAIMER

This blog is not an online diary. Anything reflected through my writings here, do not necessarily mirror my present emotional, mental, or physical state, unless directly stated. Furthermore, any resemblances to you or to anyone you know, is purely coincidental and is not a result of me creating any "blind items" about you or your loved ones and friends. Moreover, your reading of my writings does not constitute a marriage, personal relationship, or personal friendship, between us.