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Monday, April 15, 2013

consumption junction

mmmf. netflix and a home theatre setup isn't healthy. i just keep pressing "play" at the end of every episode...

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the discussion about israel that began yesterday continued today, and got very emotional. at some points i was angry because people who know me, but not well, don't understand where i stand and why i left, and it's important for me that everyone knows that i didn't just give up. i didn't just flee with my tail between my legs, and i'm sad that after everything i went through i was unable to make israel my home. i was successful as an israeli, i have one and a half degrees, an excellent service record and good professional experience / references to show that. also a few good friends and a heck of a lot of interesting stories. but what i didn't have was satisfaction.

every day, no, every time i left my apartment i would be exposed to behaviour that made me suffer. and not just behaviour towards me; i cannot ignore other people and i cannot abide by unnecessary aggression. now, it's one thing to try and fail to change that, but it's another entirely to be told not to try to change it. i cannot help but be offended to my core by "the indifference of good men".

what i most appreciated today was a private message from a friend of a friend that i've never met, who'd seen our mutual friend's comments and read what i had to say: she just wanted to share that she could sympathize. i found that touching.

i know that there are a lot of good people there, and a lot of initiatives to bring about change - but i also know that i'm out of place in that society and while i can manage well there i cannot feel secure or be happy until that change is affected. and, as i've said before, while i hope and pray that i'm wrong i've lost faith and can only envision their society collapsing.

is quebec perfect? is anywhere perfect? no. but even though i'm just beginning my new life here, and i don't even know where i'll be in two years' time, i'm already more at peace than i've been in well over a decade. what was i fighting for all that time? and stressing about? to what end?

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last night:

warm bodies: amusing, but with disturbing plot holes that weren't actually funny. it's not as well done as shaun of the dead. having said that, it does present an interesting counterpoint to my zombie thesis and has provided much food for thought. so i guess i appreciate it, even if i'm not thrilled by it. also - it was filmed here! i *thought* the locations looked familiar.

so the meetup itself was afterwards, sitting around a couple of tables at a pizza hut. it was super awkward at first. i was feeling self-conscious about not ordering food, but the guy sitting across from me ordered nothing but green tea so i did too, and then i discovered that he's a vegan as well and we had a discussion that made me feel really good - i got him to rethink some of his fanatic beliefs by assailing him with logic. in particular, he's not so sure he's anti-GM foods anymore. and he informed me that dr. greger is going to be in town soon and i'd really like to hear him speak.

so, a lot of the people at the meetup are a little older (or elderly) and a bit broken (like, recently divorced or in the process of separating), but there were a couple of other younger folk (like, younger than me, i guess i'm not in my early twenties anymore :P). the younger girl invited a few of us to a talk next weekend that sounds right up my alley! cool - i hope i don't hate it...

one old man overheard a conversation i was having about humour and stopped as he walked past: "you sound really educated."
i awkwardly responded with something along the lines of "i try," and only later would think of a decent (and appropriately humble) response.
*sigh*
i'm not used to appreciation from strangers.

so ultimately, the evening was very pleasant and a good time was had by all. riiiiiight until that moment when i decided to accept a lift to the metro station instead of taking a two-minute walk. the man offering was really excited to talk to an israeli, and instead of a minute in the car i sat for about half an hour as he ranted and raved, first about israeli politics and then about quebec politics and the injustice of bill 101 and how it's a human rights violation. basically, it was like being trapped in a car with my offensive uncle on a roll, only this was a total stranger. he kinda reminded me of rip torn, if rip torn was driving a car that looked like he was sleeping in it.

after eventually managing to extract myself from the vehicle, i needed to shake off my disgust and frustration and horror and the hopeless reliving of the defining moment in which i accepted his kind offer: it was with crazy-people vocal expressions that i did so. almost-shouting at myself while alone crossing a bridge in the rain, things like "damn!" and rolling my eyes while breathing "why?!"... that sort of thing.

...

and then i returned to my apartment and the why-i-left-israel discussion wasn't over.
*facepalm*
you'd think i'd just leave it until morning, but xkcd 386. and this was about me.

i watched lots of how i met your mother and ate a lot of chocolate, and i felt better when i finally went to bed. actually, that kinda sums up tonight as well.

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i've been playing penny arcade: gamers vs evil with dystopia, zenstar and schpat, and i actually managed to win a game. i'm super proud!

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today:

i woke up late and into beautiful weather. i had a very long chat with copywriter that got political and philosophical, after which i rushed off to the gym to watch the open mma mat. well! that wasn't happening, so i just trained for a while instead. i mainly focused on my kicking - it's a long process to recalibrate - and walked out totally satisfied with myself and really glad that i'm living so close to an excellent gym.

after chatting with my mum i settled down to work on my comics, and while i didn't make as much progress quantity-wise as last time i certainly did hit upon something that makes the transformation from figure of speech to poetry much clearer. i've been wondering about doing this as a webcomic, but while i think the slow-release format might be suitable my drawing skills definitely are not. i mean, i can communicate what i'm going for but is that really all i want? i want people to read it and enjoy the fantastic world that ol' shakespeare has created, not just go "ah, very clever! i see what he was going for".

here be dragons

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"If I thought that my reply would be to someone who would ever return to earth, this flame would remain without further movement; but as no one has ever returned alive from this gulf, if what I hear is true, I can answer you with no fear of infamy." t.s. eliot quoting dante