Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Aug. 2)

Happy birthday, Santa! If you're sick and tired of trailerz giving away the whole movie-chilada (mmmm), then this one's for you. Brace yourself for some 1970's hair (is there a hair Oscar? There should be) courtesy of David O. Russell (a man who hasn't made a bad film [well, maybe Spanking the Monkey]). I like the random (and awesome-looking) sequences accompanied by Led Zeppelin's "Good Times Bad Times" (which, arguably, could be improved by adding some phat Puff Daddy's rhymes). And the cast -- WHAT a cast! -- this one's a humdinger: Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Amy Adams, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner, Robert De Niro and Louis C.K., to name a few. If you're a pervert (like some of us here at FTM [/cough HEATH /cough), then you should know that Amy Adams (not my cup of tea, but whatever) and Jennifer Lawrence (MORE TEA PLEASE) strip in this movie; Adams all the way, and Lawrence to her underthingies. Uh, one please?

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Release date: Dec. 25, 2013

Happy birthday, Jesus! Well, we're two for two this week -- two trailerz that keep their plotz close to their vestz, mostly just showing us imagery with an appropriate song (this one's "Dirty Paws" by Of Monsters and Men). And I like it! Well, maybe not Ben Stiller face (because ew), although he is arguably not very Ben Stiller-y in this preview, so that's good. And I'm all for a good fantastical romp, which is what this looks like. "Director" Ben Stiller seems to be channeling Michel Gondry here. So, I'm in?

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa
Release date: Oct. 25, 2013

Happy birthday, Pablo Picasso! Yeah, I'm done with this joke. And speaking of done with jokes, this movie! I like that the Jackass crew took the least interesting/funny bit in their otherwise pretty great movies, and gave it its own spinoff! Don't get me wrong -- I think Johnny Knoxville is a pretty capable physical comedian (and who didn't love him in The Ringer?), but this? Ugh this. Although, judging by the YouTube comments below the preview, I am very much alone in this belief.

Stalingrad
Release date: TBA

OK, this one's just for me (SORRY). Looks like one of the dream sequences in Sucker Punch, and I mean that in a good way! Leave it to the Russians ...

Lone Survivor
Release date: Jan. 10, 2014

I'm still waiting for the "Great Modern War Movie" that comments on our current entanglements. Weirdly enough, Kathryn Bigelow seems like the only director interested in exploring it (in addition to the 2008 HBO miniseries, Generation Kill, which is easily one of the best looks at the invasion of Iraq, but that's cheating, right? [#nofilmo]). The Vietnam conflict gave us a few of the best examinations of combat (and battle psychology) with Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, etc. (quality), while WWII produced DECADES of war epics (quantity). I don't think Lone Survivor (based on real events featured in Marcus Luttrell's ghost-written [and ghost-fabricated] book, Lone Survivor: The Eyewitness Account of Operation Redwing and the Lost Heroes of SEAL Team 10) is breaking any new cinematic ground, nor does it FEEL like it's saying anything different than, say, Black Hawk Down (a movie that came out 12[!] years ago). Obviously, the proof is in the finished film, and it's hard to tell how thoughtful this will be based on a few close-up shots of Mark Wahlberg, and a bad (yes, bad!) cover of "Heroes" by Peter Gabriel. And because director Peter Berg is now dating "comedian" Whitney Cummings, I have even less faith in this project. Anyone else getting a We Were Soldiers vibe? It's shit, is what I'm saying. In fact, the more I think about it/watch the preview, the angrier I'm getting. This looks like bromance propaganda capitalizing on the unfortunate deaths of overwhelmed Navy SEALs. Boo!

Magic Magic
Release date: Aug. 16, 2013 (DVD premiere)

I have a hard time taking this movie (wait for it) ... Cera-iously.

All Is Lost
Release date: Oct. 18, 2013

We get to watch Robert Redford die! Spoiler: it's a tiger. In the raft. Raft tiger.