Report: Headphone Volume No Match For Crunchy Chip

WESTWOOD—Area man Louis Miller reported on Monday that no matter how high he turned the volume of his earbuds, he could not overpower the sound of his munching on his afternoon snack. “I was trying to catch up on Black Mirror while satisfying the fierce hunger I had accumulated after a long day at the office, but there was simply no way to hear the dialogue over the sheer crunch-power of my pita chip,” Miller said while alternating which hand he put into a bag of pretzels to “maximize efficiency.” “The episode just didn’t make sense, so I tried rewinding it, but that just turned into even more confusion. God knows I tried, but I still can’t make out whether the whole episode was a dream.” At press time, Miller had finished his chips and was replaying the episode on his computer while checking Facebook on his phone.