Paz de la Huerta Pleads Guilty to Harassment, Lotions

July 28, 2011

Actress Paz de la Huerta — the antithesis of the never-nude, the woman who told the New York Times Magazine the ghost of Elvis gave her an orgasm in Graceland — pleaded guilty to harassment this morning. She also put lotion on her legs. But we’ll get to that later. The charge stems from an incident in March at the Top of the Standard involving Samantha Swetra, a “model” whose claim to fame involves being on The City. What allegedly happened was de la Huerta threw a glass at and punched Swetra, and reportedly yelled “I’m a real actress on HBO! She’s a fake actress publicity-seeker!” Now, she can’t come into contact with Swetra for two years. Good thing Swetra’s not a real actress.

And now for the lotion. The New York Post reports that de la Huerta applied lotion to her legs in the lobby of Manhattan Criminal Court, and they have the horndog quotes to back that up.

“Man, she was standing right there and lotioning her legs. It was awesome,” one court employee enthused after de la Huerta’s grand entrance in heels and a short, filmy print dress.

“We were riveted,” said one male employee, asking his name not be used. “She did both legs, all the way up to the thighs. It was lovely. Very nice lotioning.”

Now it’s nothing new to see a little bit more of Paz than is, one might say, proper. (This profile really says it all.) But, what we must say we admire about this recent bit of exposure is her use of lotion as prop, and we want to know more. The Post says that it was a “tube of lotion,” but was it travel-sized? A full bottle? Was it actually just hand cream that she decided to use on her legs? Paz, you’re a hero. Ladies, an important lesson here, always moisturize!