Tuesday, November 1, 2011

First World Problems - Mommy Edition

Hello! After a month off to move into a new house, I’m back! I missed you guys so much! ((embarrassingly long hug.)) Remember how just before I left I was losing my damn mind because we were moving and the world is a chaotic and sometimes cruel place and I lack the ability to deal with anything like a mature adult. But I was trying to keep focused on the words of The Bloggess in her now infamous Beyonce the Metal Chicken post.

“Perspective. Now you have it.”

We do a lot ranting around here. It’s good for our mental health. It staves off the need for Kate and I to go get a check-up-from-the-neck-up, something we could probably both really benefit from. At least that’s what our husbands tell us. But sometimes perspective is good, too.

I really enjoy complaining. And since I was born in New Jersey, I also consider it my birthright. I am sort of a bitcher and a whiner/moaner by nature. A really charming commenter named Anonymous enjoys reminding me of that. I’ve tried to change and I can’t. It’s how I deal with everything – I talk about it. Or blog about it. I have to share what’s going on with me in order to make sense of it. And if it turns out that someone else gets what I’m going through? It never fails to make me feel better.

I thinking venting is valuable. Especially because as a mom, I feel sort of guilty complaining about anything. I love my kids. I love being their mother. It’s just that sometimes this job is so hard that I feel like I have had my soul sucked out by a dementor. I’m well aware of how fortunate and unworthy I am, but I challenge anyone to fill up their Oprah-esque gratitude journals with platitudes of how precious their family is after a week of stomach flu.

Sometimes, we just need to rant. And we start to feel better. And right then – that’s when we need the perspective to kick in. I know that my idea of what provides perspective is very different than that of normal people. It may in fact be as widely divergent from normal as say, my definition of what is appropriate. Or what's gross.

This meme has been making its rounds on Facebook lately and I can’t stop thinking about it. Because I love it so much that I may want to marry it.

It's the crying Dawson that puts it over the top, right? I took it from a blog called The Badger Hut, who also runs a twitter feed called @FiWoProblems . The badger is awesome and said we could use his stuff. I thought, in an effort to promote my new Beyonce Perspective Program for Not Losing My Schmidt, we could add a whole bunch mommy edition problems.

Here are some of my contributions:

Trying to get the filtered water into my dog’s bowl is really hard without spilling it everywhere.

The battery on my cellphone died so I couldn't text anyone and I actually had to call people and talk to them.

I waited at the pediatrician’s office for 20 minutes and I had nothing to do because the baby played with my iPad the whole time.

They were out of regular organic milk at Target so I had to buy organic soy milk. Whuck is wrong with you, Target?

What are your First World Problems? Leave them here. Kate and I know that you are all way funnier and more creative than we are, so we are expecting awesomeness. If we get enough comments, we’ll compile the funniest ones into a list and post them for you. You can also leave them on the First World Problems twitterfeed (use the #mommyedition hashtag).