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5 Words or Less: I Hope Wedding-Night Sex Will Be Like ________

Married ladies may have warned you that wedding-night sex can be a bit of a letdown. But hey, a girl can dream, right? Here’s what I was wishing for (in five words or less).

A totally hot movie scene

Not an over-choreographed, overly cheesy porno. And not safe and sweet romantic comedy sex that ends in the couple lying under L-shaped sheets that cover the actress’s boobs, but leaves the guy’s perfect chest bare. I wanted rated-R sex, a la Basic Instinct (without the mirrors--I don’t need to see the weird faces I make, thanks).

Did it go quite like that? Not so much. Our limo driver got lost on the way to the hotel, so a ride that should have been 10 minutes turned into about 45. So not a mood-setter.

Then, we spent nearly an hour picking out all the bobby pins from my hair because they felt like they were stabbing my skull. (Had I known it would take that long, I would have risked further head-poking while we were doin’ it!)

Finally, we got down to business and, while it was quite nice, it wasn’t as intense as Michael Douglas’s and Sharon Stone’s portrayal.

So tell me: What do you hope wedding-night sex will be like? Fireworks? A summer rain? An over-choreographed, overly cheesy porno? Do you have high hopes for the big event? Or do you suspect you two will be tuckered out?