Wayne Rooney gets in his car to drive home after training. Its a very warm afternoon, so he sets the aircon to max and sets off.

All of a sudden, a tree appears in front of him! He tugs at the wheel to the left in a desperate attempt to avoid a collision, but immediately there ahead is another tree.

He turns the wheel back to the right, but ahead is yet another tree! Spinning the wheel back to the left only steers him towards another tree, and whichever way he steers there is another and another and another!

With sweat pouring down his face, he becomes aware firstly of the siren and then of the array of blue flashing lights from the pursuing Police cars, and he pulls the car into the kerb and exhausted, he slumps over the wheel.

"Good evening Sir" said the Police Officer, peering in through the drivers window. "we've been following you and your driving would lead me to conclude that you may be under the influence of either or both drugs and alcohol."

"No no Officer" shrieks Wayne over the noise of the aircon which is still whirring away. "All I did was try to avoid all of those damned trees back there - its ridiculous having them placed in the middle of the road like that".

The office leans lower, looks in through the window, shakes his head in disbelief, and declares...