Now that I’ve had some sleep and no longer have the idea of setting all of AT&T on fire in my brain, I feel like I could maybe write a post. I may have unintentionally drugged myself with a lot of caffeine Monday night. I literally did not sleep a wink. Not even 5 minutes. It left me in some kind of glassy eyed dream like state, which was quite the experience. I know how the cool kids must feel. Yesterday I had started to write and about 2 minutes in I was like I don’t even know what planet I’m on right now there is no way I can do this. Plus it was pure gibberish even more than normal.

Any way, last paycheck I got REALLY aggressive with one of my payments, like a little way too aggressive. I’m so broke it’s not even funny. I’ve been borrowing money like a mad woman. I’ve been counting down the hours until I get paid since last week. It was 2 days, 52 hours, and 3134 minutes when I wrote this post. However, it is all going to be worth it beeeeccccaauuussseee, pause for dramatic effect, I’ll be paying off another credit card on Friday! 🙂 Toodaloo Mother F#*%er! I’m so excited. It feels so good to see my somewhat skewed discipline working, when I want it too. This will relatively be $300 a month, give or take, that I get to apply to the next card I’m going to tackle. Bring it on Capital One! The anticipated pay off date for this card, if I never spent another dime, is September. Holy. Shit. It’s really hard to believe that this could actually become a reality. That I might actually get out of debt. It’s been a way of life for me for so long. It’s hard to imagine life without minimum payments. I still have a L O N G way to go but I can see that it is possible.

One small step for Diane, one giant leap for Diane’s Debt.

Because who isn’t smiling on the moon?

D

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It’s really unfortunate that I have multiply personalities because they do not make decision-making very easy. A little over two months ago I wrote this. I have now found my way back to this predicament. I was looking through pictures and my heart cried a little. I decided then I wasn’t going to deprive myself of the one, crazy ridiculously expensive, thing I love so much. I have one life to live and I want to make sure I can say I did it, for the most part, without regret. Then I get to the checkout screen for the ticket and all the little minions that were telling me this was a good idea scatter. I’m left with the lone guy in the back corner saying I don’t think this is a good idea. WTF minions! I thought we were in this together! Ugh! Now I’m left in the backyard chasing my own tail round and round and round. Each time I think I’ve reached a decision my brain pulls me in the other direction. I told the bf I think I’m having such a difficult time with this because I seriously know what I should do but I don’t want to accept it. I did a list of pros and cons. That didn’t help because over the years I’ve grown and perfected the technique of justifying. I can justify anything. I sit here and look at my list and can justify each pro to each con and vice versa. It’s madness. I’m going to list all my reasons for going and for not going. PLEASE feel free to shed some sane light on my situation because right now insanity is taking over.

GOING (YAY)

Reason#1 – I am paying for it in cash! This will not hinder my debt nor with it affect the amount I’m paying towards my debt. This is money I have tucked away for a rainy day or if I need to flee the country very fast.

Reason #2 – I’m getting to the age where life is changing, aka growing up. I’m going to have more responsibilities and obligations so I don’t know when or if I would be able to go again. Timing is everything. I could very well be able to go the year after that, I just don’t know, and that’s the scary thing. What if something happens and I can’t. Then I will have missed my opportunity and I will wither away and die. Most likely not but I will have the “if only” factor.

Reason #3 – This is far enough in advance where I could save enough to be able to pay for the whole trip credit free, except when I buy my oceanfront bungalow. Kidding, kind of.

NOT GOING (BOO)

Reason #1 – I would be using all 10 days of my allotted vacation time for 2013. We ALL know how I am with my days. Not.a.good.thing

Reason #2 – I’m in debt. I would probably, and by probably I mean most likely, need to buy “things” because I have an illness. I’m not even going to kind of pretend I wouldn’t because I know me and you know me and it will happen.

Reason #3 – I’m in debt. If I am so willing to tap into my savings to buy this ticket then why wouldn’t I take that money and apply it towards my debt. Rhetorical question, I know why, because that’s not fun! This is the only piece of value I have to my name that is actually MY MONEY. Not credit, or a loan, its actual moo-la.

Now I’m sick of listing reasons and I’m discouraged. I’m huffing and puffing and don’t know what to do. These are the moments in life where I ask myself why couldn’t just be a billionaire.

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::sneaking into the back of the class because you’re late. You’re trying not to get noticed until you trip over a desk and launch all your books in the air::

Teacher: And Ms Richards where have you been?

Me: Um, er, I was busy doing, um, stuff.

Teacher: I’m not buying it. What was so important that you felt you could not only, not show up to class the last 6 days, but that you would think no one would notice?

Me: Um, err, I was busy…. yea, I was busy with stuff.

Teacher: Then you have the nerve to waltz in here like nothing happen and cause a scene! Well we hope for the sake of your future here that you’re prepared to make it up to us because it’s not going to easy.

Me: But I was busy, procrastinating and stuff.

Teacher: ::stern look like we’re not f#@%ing amused::

If you haven’t picked up on it, because I’m horrible with analogies, you guys are the teacher. I’m sorry. I’ve been completely, um, er, busy…. with stuff. It’s been a combination of trying to figure out why I thought getting a second job and starting school again at the same time was a good idea and balancing being a drunk so that I don’t completely lose my outstanding social status. Honestly though I’ve just been busy. Its f$#*ed up y’all. Forgive me? I’ll make it up to you. Probably not though but it always sounds good when you’re trying to make an apology. I was going to share with you the profile/story I had to create for my English class but I thought better of it, because if my teacher ran it through the plagiarizer 5000 this site would probably come up, and I would have a hell of time trying to explain that I didn’t plagiarize myself.

My slackiness all started because I had to write my introductory speech last Thursday and that took all my creative juices. Who would’ve thought writing about yourself would be hard? Then it was Friday and my co-worker wasn’t here so I had to work, again! That’s twice in one month for anyone keeping count. Then it was Saturday and no one checks this, so I just said f#$% it. Then it was Sunday and I was extremely, borderline dying, hung over. Yesterday was Monday and I thought, “Oh I’ll just write tomorrow because it’s not like anyone misses me”. Then I got yelled at on Facebook for not doing my blog and people “like”d that I was being yelled at so this is for you guys. Assholes. 🙂

Cute Puppy Distraction!

Quick Diane, run while they’re distracted!

D

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There are 3 people in this world who know about the madness that is my dreams. I’m not talking about future ambition dreams but like actual dreams that get dreamt at night. They are my mom, my bf and one of my gfs. My gf is the only one who listens and kind of somewhat gets it because she herself can recall her dreams. They are almost as cracked out as mine but I take the icing on the cake.

I guess most people don’t recall their dreams. For as long as I can remember I’ve been able to remember mine which would explain why I have such a distorted perception of the world because who wants to come back to reality when you can have dream land all the time. Generally it’s my mom who gets subjected to listening to my insanity and the conversation usually ends with, “do you do drugs in your room at night?” Most of the time the answer is no, just kidding the answer is always no. D.A.R.E., drugs are really expensive and I’m broke.

Well last night I had one of my more exciting dreams and by exciting I mean I get interactive. I need to be in a sleep study program because the scientist/doctors/aliens would have such a good time watching me. I can’t recall the whole dream, which is rare, because most of the time I can remember the madness from the beginning. Any who, for whatever reason I had won something and I was being given the options for my prizes. They were all pretty shitty to begin with but then they, I don’t know who they was, got to the last one and they were these crabby spiders they released. I explained to my mom, “Not crabby like they had a bad day but crabby like they had hard bodies and ticked when they walked.” Well the release of these crabby spiders made me react in real life. Cue scene.

Me jumping out of bed, staring at my blanket because there could possibly be crabby spiders under there, My thought process.

“oh f@#&, oh f%($, oh f*@%, please don’t be there, please do be there. Shit it’s so dark how am I suppose to know if they’re there or not. I need to find a light to check but my phones on my bed and if I go on my bed and they might attack. I don’t want to flip on my light because it’s going to be so f#&*ing bright and holy shit its 415am! I’m not in the mood for crabby spiders right now.”

I finally flip on my light.

“Okay I don’t see anything but just in case they are under my cover I’ll pull it off really fast.”

I pull my cover and discover, gasp, nothing. I turn off my light and hop back into bed pulling my blanket back on top of me.

“I really hope they didn’t cling to the under part of the blanket I didn’t check.” Last thing I remember.

I mean you can’t make this shit up. This isn’t the first time either. I’ve put on a jacket before, I’ve caught myself in the middle of a conversation with no one, I’ve caught myself with my eyes open. Don’t think to hard about that last one but shit is weird! It usually isn’t until the morning when I have to assess what was real and what wasn’t that I actually recall shit got crazy in the night.

You know who I feel really bad for in this situation? The bf because not only is he going to be subjected to listening to my madness but he’ll also get to experience the interactive dreams first hand when were living together. Yay for you boo! Promise you won’t leave me if I pull the covers off of you in the middle of the night? I’m just ensuring our safety from the crabby spiders.

Anyone else has “interactive” dreams?

D

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I know this because there was a man caught eating another man’s face and because I’ve been one for the past two days now. Well almost, I don’t have the whole eating humans’ thing down yet. That not drinking like it’s my last day on this planet thing didn’t work out so well, again. I did however make it to work on Sunday and this morning. Maybe I was putting too much emphasis on the wrong sylLAble. I should’ve focused more on the going to work part. The next time I’m in this scenario, which will be at the end of this month, I will aim for making it to work alive the next day versus trying to act my age because that has backfired twice now.

In other news I met JENNY FREAKING LAWSON, aka The Bloggess! I’m kind of a big deal now, in my own mind, mostly. She was hilarious, sweet, panicky (her words) and everything I expected her to be. I was shaking, then I was crying, and I don’t even know why. I think when my mind is freaking out it just resorts to crying, which makes it really awkward for me, so stop it mind! Truly though, she was great. I am so inspired by her, because besides being exceptionally hilarious, she is human, and has had human experiences. If she can make it through everything in her life with a smile on her face then so can I. WWJD, that stands for Jenny not Jesus, because I know what Jenny would do, I’m not so sure what Jesus would do.

This qualifies as automatic VIP status in the Unicorn Success Club

Also does anyone remember what today is? Probably not, because I never disclosed that information but I’ll let Nemo help me, help you, remember something I never told you. It’s Monday none of this going to make sense.

Happy birthday dear I’m Pretty Even if You’ve Already Seen Me in this Outfit

Happy birthday to yyooouu!

Presents for everyone! Not really, I can’t afford that shit but today does mark my 100th post to this bad boy. Check me out! There are lots of exciting things happening for me too. I went through my 800 excel sheets and recalculated my “light at the end of the tunnel”, aka, my projected date to get out of debt and drum roll please, its April 2013! AFKDHaioyvhzjckvhdauewir. That’s my excitement expressed through the keyboard. Of course that’s if I never spend another dime. Which if I’m being realistic is probably more like May but either way it’s in 2013 which is a helluva lot better than originally planned, 2230. I’ve also snagged a couple more followers. Welcome, welcome! I don’t know if you’re real or computers but either way were glad to see you. I’ve got a bunch more news, I think. I can’t remember, that whole retention span of fish thing again. Ill keep you posted as I remember.

I’ll see you all Sunday, not hung-over, much, hopefully, -_-

D

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Where have I been?!? I don’t really know myself. I was in a funk one day that lead to a breakdown of sorts. That was awesome. My co-worker was on vaca this week so I was expected to pick up the slack, which was not cool. After exerting all my energy working, I had no brain magic left to produce words. I deleted my twitter because I realized I could be found on Google. I’ve been trying to figure out how people get the motivation to not want to sit on the couch all the time. I still haven’t found an answer because being lazy is fan-f@*#ing-tastic. I’ve also been mourning the loss of my garden. It’s been fun the last couple of days.

My garden is not a complete loss, yet. When we started this little project I advised the bf that I wasn’t sure how well anything living was going to take because the “soil” was 95% rocks and 5% dirt. Well to my surprise everything took really well, that 5% must have been packed full of nutrients. We were elated. High fives all around. Then we started noticing some children were disappearing in the night. It started with the tops of our pansies. Try to type that with a straight face. Maturity has never been my strong suit. One morning the bf went to water and discovered there had been a massive slaughtering in the night. I mean totally devastation. I should’ve taken pictures but I didn’t so imagine a flower. I bet you probably have a flower on there, maybe even some buds that are just about to bloom, and possibly even some leaves. Yay for nature! Yea well these murders have deprived us of all that beauty. We’ve been left with stems, horribly mutilated stems. Ive sent out a neighborhood watch but if you have any information to whereabouts of these monsters please let your local authorities know immediately.

Last seen wearing a cotton tail and hopping west.

NOT cool bunnies, not cool

D

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I don’t know what is going on. This will mark the second day in a row where I’ve spent hours typing out my thoughts only to have them deleted in the end. I used to be so confident in what I wrote. I could write about anything and didn’t care. I don’t know what is going on. I get half way through and think this is garbage. No one wants to read this shit. Then I get upset and I’m not even sure of what I’m typing anymore. Most of the time how I prepare an entry is to just type. I just write and write until one of two things happens. I look back and see my word count is over 40000 or I feel that I’ve hit all the marks I wanted to. Then I go back and edit, removing 75% of what I wrote to try and make it somewhat concise. Despite what you may sometimes think, I do try to get my words to flow smoothly, like an A to Z kind of concept. Well recently it’s been like A to 378. That doesn’t even make sense and that’s how my writing has been going! It’s awful. I think I’m putting too much thought behind what I’m trying to say and I’ve never been a good thinker. Well actually I’m plenty good at thinking. I think constantly. Being in my brain is like being in a fun house of mirrors. Your appearance is goofy to begin with but move ever so slightly and you go from looking like Shrek to a bite size version of yourself. It’s twisted and you should count your blessings that you’re not part of this circus that is my brain. So that’s where I’ve been and what I’ve been struggling with. I’m hoping now that I’ve acknowledged my issue that I’ll be able to pick up where I left off, trusting and believing in what I’m writing.

Cute puppy distraction!

Brain farts suck

D

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You guys I almost was like an adult last night. I went out, had some drinks, went home at a reasonable hour, and got up for work this morning. I was driving singing, and by singing I mean screaming on the top of my lungs, along to my music and thought, “so this is what it must feel like to be a functioning member of society”. Hot damn, a girl could get used to this. The real test is going to be next Sunday. As a gift the bf got me tickets to what is going to be the BEST concert ever! It falls on a Saturday, I requested off, no big deal. Sunday is the problem. I’ve been giving myself pep talks since last week telling myself I HAVE to behave. I feel like its St Patrick’s Day all over again. Ugh. I’m really hoping I surprise myself but the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. There’s exceptions to every rule right? RIGHT?!?

I also have very exciting news that only really matters to me but I’ll share it anyways. One of my favorite all time, in the history of my life, bloggers has been on tour. She’s touring because she just released her book, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)”. She finally added Chicago to the last leg of her tour. I was beyond excited but my anticipation quickly turned to gloom because the day she is in Chicago is next Sunday. Fail. -_- But yesterday I was surfing the WWW when BAM, the best news in the world! Because Chicago loves her so much and her first reading sold out and she added a second date, on Saturday! If I’ve lost any of you, which is safe to assume, that falls on the day I already have off! The blogger I’m referencing is none other than THE BLOGGESS. If you’ve never read her blog please do so I promise you will not regret it. She was one of the main inspirations for starting my blog and I can’t believe I get to meet the face behind the site.

Yes I know I started a sentence with but and because,and I don’t care. Outstanding writing award goes to MEEEEE

D

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it’s off to work I go. This is a little later than I’d hoped. I can only hope you guys weren’t postponing your Saturday activities in anticipation of this post. I’ve got jokes. Well here I am and here you are and I’ve got nothing. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with my new job. It’s probably a little too soon to be speaking so seriously but I have to believe fate played a role here. I feel this strongly and I haven’t even seen a pay check. That’s how you know it’s love. There are floor to ceiling windows I get to creep, I mean people watch, all day. The office is located in a busy little community so it is constantly pulsing with activity. There are little shops on every corner. I’ve got my phone playing my music and they serve Starbucks coffee as the office coffee. That’s outrageous! I’m not mad about it. They just need to get a little barista back there to brew up my magic elixir and I’d probably propose. That’s all for now, I have to go feed the ponies, and let the puppies out. Just kidding but there is a unicorn.