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Porn Induced ED Returning, May Sabotage a Budding Relationship! Help!

Submitted by blip on Wed, 2011-08-31 13:07

Okay, so back in June I was having copulatory ED with a partner and decided to start the reboot process. The first few weeks were typical. Shrinkage and no libido. By the end of the first month, I came across an article that said prone-position masturbation causes some of the same ED problems as masturbation. Except for a handful of instances in my life, I have always masturbated in the prone position. I decided to try and masturbate the normal way for once. When I did, it was exhilarating, and I felt like I had turned a corner. From that point forward my libido began to increase, as did the size of my genitals. Spontaneous erections, both partial and full were common. I started masturbating on occasion, and also began mutually masturbating with a girl I knew over Skype. I have not gone back to prone masturbation since.

By August, I thought I was mostly cured, if not completely. But then the chaser effect kicked in. First I caved, and began watching some soft core porn. Then I masturbated to hardcore porn on 3 separate occasions. Though I didn't immediately notice any physical side effects, I knew that I was messing up all the work I had accomplished. I had two more relapses, only each time, the type of porn I masturbated to was subsequently less hardcore, in a an attempt to ween myself off porn again completely. It should also be noted that while I had powerful erections masturbating alone without the aide of porn, and masturbating with a partner on Skype, I had difficulty maintaining an erection while masturbating to porn.

By the end of my last relapse, I decided to reboot again. It's been 6 days, and I feel like I'm back to square 1. I am dead from the waist down, experiencing shrinkage, with no libido whatsoever. I've had a couple of (barely) partial-errections (usually in the morning), but that's it. On day four I met a girl and we went home together. We made out, and I experienced some partial erections, but I was afraid that they weren't strong enough to do the deed, and as her hand crept down my pants I had to stop her, and tell her that I couldn't have sex.

I am supposed to see this girl again in 10 days after she gets back from vacation. I would like to function normally sexually by then, but I'm afraid it won't be enough time to reboot, and that possibly the anxiety over being able to get it done is making things worse. What should I do? I'm feeling more frustrated than ever before.

I have a question. How many days was you original reboot? How many days of no porn, and days of no masturbation?

From your description it’s clear that your reboot was too short. A reboot is more than just your penis starting to properly function. Rebooting is a time-out that allows your brain to heal so that you are far less vulnerable to cravings and relapse.

I'm going to use this opportunity to educate any other readers. For those new to this forum, returning to porn leads only one place - back to addiction and ED. And for any newbies reading, rebooting does not mean you are back to square one. Addictions sensitize the brain, so that porn pathways may exist for years, and reactivating them may lead to a full blown addiction.http://yourbrainonporn.com/why-am-i-still-noticing-a-dopamine-rush-after...

It's like an athlete returning before they are fully healed only to reinjure the same knee ligament. The only difference is that former porn addicts can no longer play this game.

So about one month without masturbation, then back to occasional masturbation, then eventually to porn and masturbation.
The fact that you had success means you can again. If you mix in sex/masturbation that will affect the time-frame for recovery, but everything related to porn recovery is an experiment. Hopefully you are not back to zero

One thing all of us who have recovered is that there is no such thing as good or safe porn. No only that, but it is incredibly easy to fall back into the habit and use a variety of illogical thinking to get there.

I've said this before in this forum. Real sex with a real women isn't like porn videos. It's not always about "performing" or measuring exactly how your penis is working. There is an emotional part to sex that the videos never show.

Your struggle is common to many of us regardless if we have rebooted/recovered. But you need to start by admitting your problem and stop making excuses to view porn or masturbate. Think of it this way, an alcoholic doesn't dry out and then just drink 3.2 beer. Doesn't work.

done some work, you may be able to have sex by the time she gets back. But it's also okay to take it slowly. And it's okay to tell her what you're up to as well. Waiting together and enjoying other flirty, sensuous contact is a lot more fun than waiting alone. Here's an FAQ on girlfriends and rebooting, which I just added to another thread: http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-do-i-tell-my-new-girlfriend

Update: I talked to her on the phone and had a really strong erection, just from the sound of her voice. Maybe I'm in better health than I thought? Still....I don't want to relapse again. I have to be committed. This has definitely shown me the reason I wanted to quit this addiction in the first place.

I never ended up writing a follow up to this, but now that this relationship has ended (for reasons that have nothing to do with sex) I thought I'd post about what happened.

When she came back, we started having sex, and my penis was working just fine. We would have sex everyday, sometimes twice a day for about 2 weeks. After a while though, I started having trouble maintaining an erection again, and the ED slowly came back. I'm not sure why this happened, though I have one theory. During the second week we were going to the beach a lot, and on this particular beach, there were a lot of topless women. Naturally I fantasized a little bit about these women, which may have set me back. Also, though I did not have full-blown porn-fantasy, I do remember making a decision while on the beach that I would watch porn at some point in the future. Maybe that had something to with this? Or maybe I am not completely cured? Or maybe my problem extends further than porn. Nevertheless, I've never read an account of a situation similar to mine.

Since then I relapsed pretty badly, and now I'm 9 days in with no PMO, hoping to give it another go. There is another girl I am interested in, but my sex drive is still pretty low (though I have had a few partial erections in the morning). I'm very scared about pursuing this woman as a result.

But keep in mind that even when you are back to normal, you will still be vulnerable to the slippery slope of desensitization. If it happened once, it will happen again. Masturbation without porn or porn fantasy may not be a problem, but Internet porn probably always will be.

I see no reason for that. Seems to me your results have been quite good, given your inconsistencies. You'll continue to improve. Just take care not to exhaust your sexual desire when with a partner. It promotes the use of porn fantasy and overrides your normal libido.

Listen to your body. It'll tell you when it needs a rest and when it's ready for more. You're not a machine or a porn actor on Viagra. Just saying...

I'm at day 33. No relapse except I masturbated once, but not to porn. Haven't really felt the chaser yet. I'm getting erections every now and then in the morning, but with varying degrees of hardness. My libido is not very strong and I don't feel much cured yet.

I thought of something that may help me get over this faster, and I was wondering what you guys thought of it, and if it was worth experimenting with. A big reason for abstaining from porn, as I understand is to weaken its connection to sexual arousal and the body and mind. If not doing something can weaken this connection, then what can I do to strengthen more positive connections?

I started thinking about the history of my problem. I didn't start having erectile problems until I got accesses to streaming fast porn (although I used porn since I was 14, but not necessarily on a regular basis, and definitely not to the extreme that I would use it later on when I turned 28). Every time I had passing ED problems before my major last straw earlier this year came after a break-up after a few months spent masturbating to internet porn several times a day. As soon as I'd found a woman it would be difficult to perform the first few times.

I thought back even further to try and remember the opposite of this. I had very vivid feelings of a certain indescribable sensation I felt with other women who I no ED problems with prior to extreme porn abuse. This euphoric sensation came from kissing, and lesser forms of physical touch. Holding hands, barely brushing up against each other. Simple touches. Time spent together. Gazing into eyes. I remember this great sensation that came with all this, very different from the satisfaction my brain derived from porn, but all together more satisfying. I remember how a simple conversation or even text from a girl could send waves of positive sensations through me.

About a week or two ago, something interesting happened, when a girl I was flirting with suddenly became touchy-feely with me. Nothing too extreme, just sitting close to me, touching and talking. I started recalling this very vivid sensation from the past, and enjoying it deeply. it then dawned on me. Is it possible to chase after this feeling? Would it be a smart idea to actively seek out this kind of contact and sensation?

Contact with women is very healing during a reboot. The kinds of contact you found arousing are precisely the kinds of contact your brain looks for...not just to fertilize her...but because it finds such contact delicious and soothing. It reduces anxiety. So touch, kissing, dancing, smiling, flirting, eye contact, skin-to-skin contact, hugs, massage, watching a movie with your arms around each other...all those things are excellent.

Sex is a bit more problematic. If you're single, it's not necessarily helpful to rush into sex with a partner you don't feel comfortable and safe with. It can put too much performance pressure on you. Stress isn't good for erections. Relaxation is. So the more you engage in bonding behaviors with a potential mate, the more relaxed you'll feel.

that arise. So a big yes. Really get this simple concept - you hadn't fully recovered whne you jumped into sex/orgasms. Your dopamine signalling was deficient, the dopamine high from a new relationship gave you just enough boost to get the job done. You cratered because you brain was not fully healed, and you returned to porn because your brain was craving more dopamine.

Last Friday I met up with a girl who I have had a crush on for a few years now. We hung out and at the end if the evening we kissed a few times. I made note of certain aspects of the interaction, like the way our hands touched, the way she ran her hand through my hair after it was over. It was very nice and sensual. Since then, I get into that blissful state just thinking and reflecting on it. I hope this is a good thing.

I'm having morning erections almost every morning, sometimes very hard, sometimes, not so hard. Today I lay in bed thinking about this girl, and I was fantasizing a little bit. But it wasn't porn fantasy. I would fantasize about our moment, but also about real-life past sexual experiences with other women. I hope this fantasy is not hampering the process to recovery.

The whole thing has given me an incredible and much needed surge of confidence. I'm not sure yet if sex will be a possibility with this woman, if she wants to continue, or how fast or slow she's willing to take things if she does. This gives me some anxiety in that I may not be able to perform when the time comes. In lieu of my past experiences, should I take sex off the table for now as an option?

recalling feelings of bliss, or fantasizing about a real girl, Remember, this addiction is to screens, not people. If you are worried about being unbale to maintain an erection, then you may want to wait. Nothing wrong with waiting, either.

And did you have sex with a real person before highspeed Internet came along? It seems to be the latter that correlates most with needing a bit longer. It's very unfair, but seems to have to do with wiring to "the wrong cues" during adolescence.

Just be patient. Improvements will continue. Also, time around real potential mates seems to help the brain get the right ideas. Can you take a dance class? Get a therapeutic massage? Find places to flirt?

Good news and possibly bad news. I've been hanging around a lot more women recently, trying to strengthen the positive connections in my brain. Three days ago especially, I had an incredible evening out with a lovely lady, and though we didn't really touch or kiss or any of that stuff, I felt a strong positive connection, and I'm sure it had a very positive effect on my physically. Coasting off these good spirits, I decided to masturbate in the morning to test the waters.

I don't know if this was a good idea, but everything worked relatively fine this time. I was very pleased with myself and this carried out throughout the day, and the next morning, I woke up with one of the most raging hard-ons I've had in a while. It kept coming and going, and at some point was the hardest it had been since my last relapse in October.

The only problem is, that night I felt the surge of the chaser effect and briefly peeked in at some softcore stuff. I didn't look at anything for more than a couple of seconds, but it's scary how close I was to a relapse, and how much my body was telling me to relapse. Today when I woke up I didn't feel as hot.

I have to keep vigilant about relapse. I'm not out of the woods yet. I'm going to continue not masturbating. I only hope these momentary lapses haven't hindered my progress.

In other news, I'm feeling much more confident about my ability to O with a woman should the opportunity arise. I'm not pushing for this yet, and I certainly want to take things slow yet, but I'm definitely not as afraid as I was a few weeks ago.

There was fantasy but not porn fantasy. Just remembering the night before/ past real-life sexual experiences.

I don't know when I can see her again, as she's in the process of moving back into town, and I'm in the process of moving away. There is a good chance our paths might cross before then. If anything, I'd like to call her on the phone soon and have a nice long chat.

Oh man, this chaser effect has been kicking my ass all week long. I can't remember the last time I felt a stronger urge to look at porn. I'm getting heavy flashbacks and triggers constantly. The only thing so far keeping me from it is the fact that I don't think I've ever gone this long without watching it, and I want to see how far I can take it. But man oh man, the temptation is killing me!

So, with my last update there were a lot of urges stewing up inside my head. Things became quite unbearable. Every image of a woman was an intense trigger. In my weakest moments I peeked at porn or porn-like imagery. This all culminated about 2 or 3 days ago when I decided to test and see if all this was having any effect on my progress. I tried to masturbate without porn or porn fantasy. I realize now that it was all these mental triggers that made me want to do this, not my actual body. What happened was that I could not achieve a full erection this way. What happened next was even worse. I went to listen to a relaxation tape, and decided to masturbate to the female voice. Not only did I achieve a fully intense erection, I was also able to orgasm with no problem.

Afterwards, I felt terrible. It wasn't porn, but it felt like I had relapsed. 70-plus days down the drain. I was disappointed, and I never want to do that again. BUT, I decided to re-evaluate and see what I did wrong. I realized it was all these internet images that were making me so crazy. I've since disabled ALL images from my computer and aim to keep it this way indefinitely (as long as I can until I absolutely NEED to look at images for work).

Nevertheless, I thought I was back at square one, but something amazing happened. Though the next morning I didn't wake up with an erection, every morning since I have, and some of them are pretty strong and healthy. Even after naps this happens. Also, whatever chaser effects I was feeling are for the most part totally gone. So it appears that the relapse hasn't set me back in any noticeable way. I think part of the reason for this is that I've been hanging out with a lot of women lately. Merely being in their presence does wonders for my health, I think. There is even one girl who I have been sleeping with. There is no sexual contact and no cuddling either, but we sleep in the same bed, and I think it's helping me immensely. I also find myself engaging in a lot of positive fantasy. Like this one girl I hung out with two nights ago, I kept thinking about her and imagining what it would be like to kiss her. This is progress because I haven't had this kind of fantasy in so long.

So I'm not sure if I should set the clock back. Am I really at day 80? I'm unsure of that, but this incident hasn't affected me as negatively as my last few relapses. No depression. No noticeable loss of libido. I feel unusually positive, but nevertheless, vigilant.

Woke up in the middle of the night with a super hard erection, and the muscles seemed to contract in the same way as immediately before one ejaculates. I didn't ejaculate but this muscle contraction continued even as the penis began to soften, but eventually it went away and I went back to sleep. When I awoke, no morning erection. It made me wonder about a couple things.

83 days in, and I still don't have very many spontaneous erections during the day. They have all come either in the morning, or after a nap of some kind. If anything I'll feel a stirring sensation down below, but it's never enough to lead to a full erection and only sometimes enough to lead to a weak one. These stirring sensations seem to only come if I'm thinking about something sexual or romantic.

Sometimes I sleep on my stomach, and I used to masturbate in the prone position, which I stopped during my last re-boot, as I heard it's bad for you. I'm worried though that all my erections are actually the result of some involuntary prone-like behavior while asleep on my stomach. If that's the case it could be hindering my progress. Should I try not sleeping on my stomach at all? I know this may be impossible because I tend to involuntarily change positions in my sleep, but I'm wondering if sleeping positions has ever played a factor in anyone else's recovery.

Let us know how you get on. Be gentle with yourself. If you really learned what you need to this time, it will have been well worth it. Porn is poison for some of you. And will be for a long time, perhaps indefinitely. Just think of it as an allergy. :O

Here's an update, since I've been gone for so long. The last 3 months have been a whirlwind of relapse, but for what it's worth it's been 29 days since I've last masturbated to porn. I sometimes have problems peeking every now and then, but I feel positive about not needing porn or being as dependent upon it as I was, say, a year ago.

I have been trying to masturbate every 10 days or so, which I don't know if it's a good thing or not.

With my current masturbation habits, I've noticed that I have trouble getting erect whenever I masturbate without any visual stimuli or fantasy. In fact it takes me about 10 to 15 minutes it seems to achieve erection when I do this. I am not employing "death grip" but I worry that my strokes might be a bit faster than healthy, although I am not sure at what speed I should be stroking.

The potential benefit I see in these masturbation sessions is that I am learning to familiarize myself with my body and to a degree the natural sensations it takes for my penis to achieve an erection. I'm really learning a lot about the way my body works.

Like for instance, in the past, since I switched from prone masturbation to hand masturbation, I would sometimes ejaculate before my penis had become erect. This happened to me as well once while having sex. But now I am learning to follow the sensations of my body in such a way that (even though it currently takes forever) I can achieve an erection before ejaculation.

In fact, when I finally reach a full on erection I continue to stroke for a while longer before ejaculation in order to practice "lasting longer." I'm trying to do this every few days to see if eventually I get better at it but I don't know if it's a good idea or not.

I often wake up with full or partial erections, but not every morning. I don't know what the normal frequency is for someone 30 years of age.

Unfortunately I haven't had very much physical contact with women. I've only kissed a couple of girls within the last 3 months, one of whom was able to stir something down below the waist. A partial erection at least. I don't know what would have happened if I'd made it to the bedroom.

I've also felt a stirring down below a few times when talking to ex-girlfriends on the phone or online. In one instance it even produced a partial erection.

I'm the same age and started rebooting around the same time as you. I've had no relapses but my results are similar. I can masturbate using touch and little/no fantasy. I start getting an erection after a few minutes and can keep it erect for as long as I want. If I stop stroking though, it goes down in 20-30 seconds. I have tried to have sex a couple of times after rebooting. Was able to get a full erection but it didn't last long and I couldn't get the condom out. That was due to anxiety probably.

I also had experiences ejaculating before being fully erect but that is during sex usually and rarely masturbation. I think that's also due to anxiety.

Do you have anxiety while masturbating? I think if you continue the reboot with no relapses, you'll be able to get to where I am in terms of masturbating. I have no idea when I'll be able to have sex again though...

Last Saturday I met a girl and she came home with me. There was lots of heavy kissing, and I managed to get her undressed, but aside from a few spontaneous but probably not full-on erections, I wasn't able to have one. The next morning, she offered me a condom to have sex as I was fully erect and went limp immediately upon trying to put it on. I was able to have an orgasm with her through other means, though, but I don't recall if I was 100% erect.

Tuesday, she came home again. I tried to have sex without a condom, as I had a 60-70% erection, but lost it inside of her. I kept forcing it, and eventually ejaculated while totally limp. The next morning we tried a few more times to have sex, but I would lose my erection every time.

Last night, we cuddled in bed at her friend's house, clothes on. I got a few spontaneous erections, some in the morning time, but only a few were about 100% and they would only last for a few minutes.

There was a lot of cuddling and kissing involved in all of the above, and I do feel more alive downstairs than I have in a while, but I'm far from 100% and a little frustrated. Usually when this happens my mind wanders, and I start to thin what if porn is not the problem, but something else entirely. I feel positive about my results with her, because I'm getting more reactions out of my penis than I have in a very long time, but if I look at this thing objectively, this is the first girl I've had ED problems with that I am absolutely unable to have sex with okay even a few times.

The only other positive is I have little to no desire right now to look at porn.

a non performance oriented approach helps a lot. If you can kind of explain things to the girl that is always good. That she gets you excited because she is very hot and that you are recovering from too much porn. Takes the pressure off, do you think?

it would be better to avoid masturbation and probably orgasm too. The fact that you have trouble getting erections without fantasy or porn when you are masturbating indicates that you have a ways to go still in rebooting. The circuits that are responsible for this are still accustomed to the old ways. Rewiring is still continuing. I would try to have as much non orgasmic sexual and non-sexual activity as possible without performance needs.

If you are using condoms strictly for birth control you can have sex with soft entry without condoms when she is having her period if you and she are okay with that.

I'm not dead, I just haven't been active on these boards. I would like to say that I was finally able to have sex with this girl successfully two or three times, but always in the back of my mind was this constant anxiety that I would lose it some how. And even though I was able to do it, I still didn't feel 100% like I used to be. I realize I have a long ways to go.

Unfortunately last month and this month has been plagued with little relapses. I can only say PMO free for about 10 days. I don't know why but I'm having a lot of trouble just not peeking at porn, which is weird because I feel like I had stronger willpower when I first began this.

I'm wondering if there is another angle I can come at this from another way to tackling the problem. I think part of the reason I had so many relapses, is that I've been pretty depressed for the past 6 months. I also have the nagging suspicion that my problem may not be porn related, even though I seem to have all the symptoms. It should also be noted that I am taking propecia which is said to cause ED, but for years of taking the drug I had none of these symptoms. I started taking it in maybe 2005, and I didn't start having major ED problems until 2010 and 2011.

I've decided to do another full on PMO reboot as opposed to what I've probably been doing in the past 4 or 5 months, which is avoid P, but try to coax healthy M and sometimes O. This led to many relapses. So now I'm going back to giving up the 3 to see if it will make any difference.

I have to say, it's only been 2 weeks or so (I'm trying not to keep count this time around), but I feel much better in that I have no desire to watch P. Sometimes I have brief P fantasy, but it goes away. Also, stumbling on a sexy image online or elsewhere doesn't seem to set off the buzzing trigger effect in my brain that it used to. I think I may have gotten back to the flatline point.

Unfortunately I am not getting many spontaneous erections. In fact, I'm pretty dead from the below the waist. Sometimes in the mornings I will get a partial erection but that is all.

The great part is that I am not craving P at all. Not having that constant crazy horny buzzing in your head makes life that much more easier. I think that for so many years I used M as a means of handling stress and now I find myself dealing with feelings of uneasiness, and trying to find new ways to alleviate them. It's nice to not have to think of M to do that, but at the same time, I'm sure Ming right now would be an incredible and difficult chore that wouldn't get me fully aroused, would take forever, and would probably trigger a relapse.

I am not really going out and socializing as much as I wish I could, but every time I do, I've noticed it's been easier to meet at least one or two girls and have nice pleasant interactions, even on some occasions getting phone numbers. But this may have to do with the fact that I've got a great new wardrobe, which in turn translates to confidence.

I know this post is all over the place, but I just want to close by saying that I like the direction things seem to be headed. I know at some point I will have to start Ming again, even without P or without O, as I've come to realize that you need to train yourself to respond to natural stimulation, and it's every bit as important as training yourself to reject the unnatural. I'm just not sure when I should start testing the waters again with M. I'm far from ready now, but I'm wondering what cues to look for.

Been having some crazy mood swings lately. Veer from happiness and confidence to depression and anxiety. Not sure if this is P related. I know the first time I tried to give up P (and was off PMO for a pretty long time) I saw some positive effects emotionally. Since then I'm not seeing these benefits so much. Sometimes I feel inexplicably happy, while other times I'm back in the emotional gutter. I only hope that with time, my freedom from porn addiction will make me happier, confident, and more social.

I'd like to add, so that this isn't such a downer post, the one bit of progress that's different than any other time I have tried to reboot. I don't crave porn at all, which is strange to me. Even in my early reboot attempts, I found myself doing certain activities that may have mimicked the way I used to look up porn. I remember going onto movie sites and trying to find movies with nudity in them. At certain points in my recovery it was too much temptation to even look at sexy images of women online. It set off this crazy dopamine buzz in my head that I suspect was related to the way my brain processed porn.

I'm not getting that very much these days. In fact, if I stumble onto a picture of a woman online, sometimes it may even be an intentionally erotic photo with nudity, I don't seem to get that crazy buzzing in the brain anymore. I don't have much of a reaction. I recognize its beauty and move on. I don't dwell on it, I don't crave more. And I certainly don't find myself searching for it. Hopefully this is a good sign, and not misinterpreting the effects of the flatline period I seem to have returned to. Hopefully it's progress and not something temporary.

The most positive thing I could say is that I tried to get cleaned up about a year ago, and when I think about the amount of porn I was watching in a year's time before my clean-up, and the amount of porn I've consumed since, the difference is staggering. I went from masturbating to porn 3 to 4 times a day, everyday, to now -- where I go weeks and months without even looking at porn, and without really thinking about it or craving it like I used to. My habits have changed drastically an that's got to count for something.

Perhaps this should be its own post, but I'll post it here and let the moderators decide.

I started trying to cure myself of this addiction a little over a year ago because I was having copulatory ED. Since then, I have had successes and failures, relapses and such, but I am currently about 59 days into my recent stretch of no PMO, and I feel better than ever.

I've been waking up from time to time with partial erections, and even get a few semis out in public while riding the subway and things like that (though these are less common). What has happened to me a few times, is that I'll wake up with a full on erection that is actually a little bit painful. I hadn't heard of anything like this before in anyone else's experiences. Is this common? Is my body not so used to full on erections that the ones I'm getting are hurting a little? Will this go away? Could I have damaged my penis from years of unhealthy prone masturbation?

These days my best erections though seem to be the ones that hurt a little bit. They are the only ones I'm getting where I feel the penis is fully erect enough for sex.

I am 25 years and have been watching still images and slower videos for almost three years(but not very often). For about three months now i have been connected to an ultra high speed internet source. During this period, i occasionally watch very fast streaming hardcore videos. My performance has let me down in the last two sexual encounters (three weeks apart, two different girls). most of the time(especially when am alone) i get hard just as normal times, but when a girl comes around i freak out. I masturbate at least once or twice a week till i orgasm( this has been normal ever since late high school). Is my supposed poor performance porn induced or simply anxiety? Secondly does softcore porn(still porn photos) affect the rebooting period?