Date: Tue, 12 Jun 2007 21:09:41 -0700 (PDT)
From: Joseph Smith
Subject: DUSK TO DAWN 2
Author's notes: Copyrighted 2007. Emails welcome.
Chapter 2
Jeff stood there with a surprised expression on his face. The reality of
the movie brought his eyes into focus and I immediately began to wonder
about Jeff.
"Oh, yeah," he said looking sheepishly. "I didn't know they made gay
movies."
"They do, but no one really goes to see them," I said, going into the box
office. Jeff followed and picked up the phone to call his mother. I didn't
really pay too much attention to the conversation, just watching Jeff's
body language.
I heard the truck coming into the driveway and looked up to see my brother
pulling up in front of the box office.
"It's about time you got here," I said to the very straight and handsome
half brother of mine as he was getting out of the truck.
"You didn't tell me how bad traffic was going to be," he said, giving me a
big grin.
"Well, glad you made it. Did you have any trouble at the apartment?"
"No, I didn't. He was very cordial with me."
"I'm glad," I said, feeling a sense of relief.
Jeff came bounding out of the box office with his hand out stretched for my
half brother.
"Hi, I'm Jeff," he said.
"HI, I'm Josh. Nice to meet you Jeff, I'm Matt's half brother," he
said. "The better half."
"Funny, Josh," I said, watching both of them chuckle together.
"So where do we unload this stuff, Matt?" Josh asked.
"Over there," I said, pointing to the door at the bottom of the screen
tower.
"You're kidding?" Josh asked.
"Nope. There's a real apartment in there, Josh."
"I got to see that."
"It's not much, Josh," Jeff said.
"Well, let's go, then," I said.
We spent the next hour and a half hauling out some of the junk in the
apartment and moved my stuff in. I glanced at the kitchen and couldn't
imagine using it. When we were done, Jeff had to take off and left the
address for his mother's.
"So, this is where you running to?" Josh said, after Jeff left.
"I'm not running," I said, even trying to convince myself.
"Yeah, you are."
"Why do you say that, Josh?"
"Because you love him."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do and now you're punishing him?"
"No, this isn't a punishment."
"Was it that bad, Matt?"
"Yeah, it was."
"Why haven't you told me about it? You have never kept anything from me
before."
"Yeah, I have."
"Really? How much?"
I looked him in the eyes, how I loved my brother, I thought.
"A lot," I said with an exhaustive breath.
I watched my brother shift from one foot to another. His body language
always gave him away.
"Out with it, Josh."
"He talked to me about it."
"Well, he needs to talk about it."
"Don't you want to know what he had to say?"
"No. I don't."
"Jeff's a good looking guy," he said as I assumed he gave up on the
subject.
"Forget it. I'm swearing off men. Besides, I don't even know if Jeff is
that way, anyway."
"Yeah, you do."
Josh could read me like a book; see right through me...all the usual
clichés that go with knowing someone too well.
"You didn't see how he looked at you, did you Matt?"
"I wasn't' paying attention." I didn't want to know.
I started walking away, towards the U Haul truck. Josh was right on my
heels, not letting up. He grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him.
"Matt, I don't like what happened between you two. It may have been his
fault, but you still love him," he said, forcing me to look right into his
baby blue eyes. "No matter how far you go. No matter how deep you bury
yourself in this run down dump of a theatre, he's in your heart and unless
you find someone else, he'll be there to haunt you for a long time."
"Stop it. I'm not ready to pursue another relationship," I said, turning
away from his gaze.
"He cried, you know."
Even though that stunned me, I didn't really want to hear that.
"I don't care. He should," dismissing it.
"Yeah, I agree. He should feel as much pain as he can. Make him more human,
which I thought he lacked in character anyway."
"See. You never liked him anyway. So, why do you care that I left him?"
"I care about you and how it's going to be with you. That run down
apartment is going to be your sanctuary away from life. You'll venture out
to do your job, but you hole yourself up in there and feel sorry for
yourself."
"Bull shit," I said shaking myself loose from his grasp.
Josh laughed and said, "You almost have yourself convinced, don't you."
"Ass hole," I said, wondering how right he was.
"You can't fool me, my brother. Since we were kids, I always had you, every
time."
"So you think."
With a sly smile he said, "I do."
I put my arms around him. "You know, you've always been my best friend. You
stood by me when I told Mom I was gay. You always believed in me more than
I ever did. I have to do this, Josh."
"I know, you do. It just isn't easy watching you go through this. When was
the last time you got a good night's sleep?"
"I don't remember."
Josh pulled away from me and gave me a very disappointed look.
"If you don't take care of yourself, you'll just get sick. Then Mom will
have to come and baby you and you know how much you hate that."
I managed a smile and said, "Oh yeah, not a good thing."
"And you don't want Mom to see you living like this either."
"I know," I said glancing at my watch. "I got to get going. They're
expecting me for dinner."
"Jeff's a cute one. About the same age he was isn't he?"
"Yes, damn it."
"Thought so."
"You'll just have to drop the truck off and go home to your family, give
your wife some grief for awhile instead of me," I said.
"I'll give her your love, Matt."
I smiled and said, "Thanks for everything."
"Anytime. Someone has to keep an eye on you."
"Great, you sound like Mom."
"It's great, isn't it," he said, climbing into the cab of the truck. "Watch
out for Jeff."
"Yeah, yeah."
Josh started the truck and pulled out. I followed him into town heading to
Jeff's for dinner.
I took the left lane while Josh took the right lane as we crossed over the
bridge towards town. I could hear the whistle of a train in the distance as
we both waited at the light. The red glow faintly reminded me of my rage
three weeks ago. Josh is always right about me, I'm hiding from life and I
will damn enjoy it as long as I can get away with it.
Finding the address was easy. I parked the car and knocked on the
door. Jeff let me in and took my windbreaker jacket to hang up.
"This way, Matt," Jeff said, leading into the house.
Walking through the living room, I noticed that most of the furniture could
qualify as antique, though definitely lived in. The living room opened into
the dinning room, which embraced a round table and tall back chairs. The
china cabinet was filled with beautiful dishes and glasses that appeared to
be as old as the house.
"Mom, he's here," Jeff said, as he rounded the dinning room table and stood
by the swinging kitchen door. I couldn't help but look over Jeff again, in
all his youthful beauty. If he was gay, I marveled at his brilliant
confidence that showed brightly by the exhibits of his mannerisms.
The door swung open and a pretty, red headed woman appeared from the
kitchen. Looking hurried and busy, she glanced my way.
"Mom. This is Matt. Matt my mother."
She came over to me with a wonderfully, warm smile and extended her hand
and said, "Call me Mary, Matt."
"Nice to meet you, Mary," I said with much warmth and sincerity.
"It's nice to meet you, Matt. Hope you stay longer then the others."
"Don't worry, I have no plans to leave anytime soon."
"Good," she said. "Dinner will be ready in just a couple of minutes. Why
don't you men go wash up and have a seat."
I nodded my head as Jeff said, "Yeah, Mom."
Mary disappeared back into the kitchen and Jeff led me to the bathroom,
which was under the stairs. I went inside and closed the door. You could
tell the feminine touch was evident. I relieved myself and washed my
hands. I could hear clopping feet on the stairs above my head. I opened the
door and headed back to the dinning room.
Jeff reappeared from upstairs and said, "Take a seat anywhere."
"Okay," I said and sat down at the nearest chair of four. Jeff sat down
next to me.
He placed his hands on the table and I could study them while we
waited. There were nice, masculine hands, with hair starting at his
knuckles and disappearing up his shirtsleeve. His fingers were long and
narrow, his nails trimmed neatly. The thumb was of average size. I always
took notice of thumbs ever since reading "The Happy Hooker" a few years
ago. The author claimed that you could gauge the size of an individual's
manhood by the size of his thumb. So far, I've found she's been right.
Jeff turned and looked at me, with a studied gaze, he searched my eyes
again. I wasn't sure what he was looking for, but his continued silence
made me feel slightly uncomfortable, but it was his eyes that tried to
communicate with me, or so I thought.
When the kitchen door hinges squeaked, his concentration was broken and he
turned towards the approaching woman who must have been his grandmother.
"Hey, grandma, do you need any help?"
"No, darling. I'm fine," she said setting a bowl of mash potatoes and
cooked carrots on the table.
"Grandma, this is Matt, my new boss."
"How do you do, Matt," she said, coming around the table to shake my
hand. I rose slightly when we did.
"Glad to me you, mam," I said.
"Sit down, young man. It's nice meeting you. Jeff hasn't stopped talking
about you since he came home."
I turned and looked at Jeff, I wondered if that embarrassed him any more
than it seemed to embarrass me. I chuckled to myself.
"I'll be right back," she said and went back into the kitchen.
Again, it was me who studied Jeff. He returned my look with a sweet
determination that a straight guy could never understand. Jeff was gay and
I think he suspected I knew, but I wasn't going to let on. I just didn't'
know if he knew about me.
The door opened again and both women came in. Mary was carrying a platter
plate with roast beef. Her mother was carrying in glasses of water for all
of us. After they finished setting the table, they sat down and grabbed
each other's hand for prayer. I was holding Mary and Jeff's hands. Jeff's
touch was wonderfully warm and I could feel some slight pressure from his
fingers as they grasped mine. When Jeff's grandmother finished her blessing
for the food, the hands were released and I immediately wanted to feel
Jeff's again.
What was I doing? Why was I letting myself feel this way? I'm not going to
let myself get involved again. At least, not for a while and no matter how
much Jeff comes on to me, I'm going to play it straight. I looked up into
his eyes, briefly, and saw, what I swear was the slightest hint of
cockiness.
I realized the battle lines had been drawn and I feared I was not going to
win, but I swore I was going to go down fighting.
"How long have you been managing theatres, Matt?" Mary asked shaking me
from my resolution.
"Managing since I was eighteen. Started out as an usher when I was
sixteen."
"You're how old now?"
"Twenty-five."
"Do you like it?"
"I love it," I said. "It's been my way of life."
"How so?"
"It's in my blood and I can't get rid of it. Show business does that to
you."
"I know," she said. "I've been doing it now for twenty-one years. I wish I
could have done something else, but life just didn't work out that way."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"I'm not. I'm pretty happy with how most things have worked out. I have
Jeff and that's been the most important thing in my life."
I didn't have to look, I knew Jeff probably rolled his eyes, but I thought
it was sweet.
"Have you always been at the drive in, Mary?"
"Oh gawd, yes, she has," Jeff's grandmother answered for her. "Since, she
was seventeen and fell in love that kid in the concession stand who popped
popcorn."
"Mom!"
"Sweet kid, he was," she continued with what seemed like a strong will that
I found amusing and refreshing. "I liked him a lot. He's Jeff's father."
I hadn't expected to hear the family history tonight, but I was intrigued.
"But, he ran off when Mary was pregnant. We don't know what happen to him,
his family won't say, though they have helped support Jeff. He visits his
grandparents some."
"Mom, please. I don't think Matt expected to hear our family secrets at
dinner," Mary said.
"He'll find out anyway," she said, being stubborn and determined. I gained
a sense of slight disappointment from her about the whole situation.
Jeff ate quietly, like he had heard this all before at dinner. Suddenly I
felt sorry for him, in a way, figuring that he had been raised by both of
these women, one soft and tender, and the other tough and stubborn.
I had to change the subject.
"How long have you managed the snack bar, Mary?"
"Since after Jeff was born."
"What happened to the theatre, Mary? Why's it in such bad shape?"
"I blame the company for that. They seemed to have lost interest in it when
business slowed down after VCRs became a family home appliance. Managers
would come and go, not caring. They didn't see the need to make an effort,"
she said as she put her fork down and looked at me. "Why are you going to
be different, Matt?"
"I guess I need to be."
"Will it make any difference in the long run?"
"Yeah, for me it will," I said.
The end of Chapter 2