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June 4, 2015

Update

The first three were written exams and I have a feeling that the ones in Danish and Spanish went well (knock on wood). The one in English on the other hand... (˵¯͒ བ¯͒˵)

The other day I had my first oral exam. It was in AT and it went absolutely horrible. I did avoid last year's disaster though... by getting the next grade up. I'd gone to Jasmin's place the day before to spar with her, Siw, and Siw's boyfriend. That didn't work out. Apparently. BUT WHO CARES I'M FREE although my average went down so much omg

At first I was like: but then...

NO MORE AT EVER AGAIN! WUUUUUUUUH!!!

Let's see what else...

I got my dress!
When you graduate from the gymnasium (No, it's not a gym. It's kind of like college), you get a hat and, as a girl, you wear a white dress around knee-length on the day of your last exam and on the official graduation day. I got my hat back in April (and dedicated an entire blog post to it) aaaand the dress I'd ordered arrived here some weeks ago. Now.. I'd ordered this dress:

Pretty, right?
I had never seen this type of 'lace' before and thought it was stunningly unique while still being simple enough to not be "too formal" for the occasion. I'd looked up countless of dresses but this one stood out particularly. I ordered it from eBay as I'd, until then, only had good experiences buying from there. When it arrived I looked like a tent in it and the disappointment was great. There was no way I'd look like that on such an important day and thus my mom and I went to a seamstress. Although she's an expert within her field she said that there wasn't much she could do as she didn't want to cut the lace. A zipper couldn't be added, she said. After a week I came back to pick it up and she'd made it a bit tighter around the stomach. Whatever. I was busy with exams around that time and had to worry about those instead of the dress.
After having screwed up my AT exam I went home and tried on the dress again to cheer myself up and remind myself that this would all be over soon. That was a horrible idea. I tried the dress on and STILL LOOKED LIKE A TENT albeit with a sliiiiightly smaller waist. At that point I could have started crying. There was nothing to do about the exam now but If I couldn't have the dress exactly how I wanted, I didn't want it at all - and then I might as well risk destroying it in an attempt to fix it.

My grandma helped measuring where the modifications had to be made but it took quite a while due to the lace and so we haven't finished yet. The seamstress had made us aware of a flaw at the bottom of the dress and since we had already started cutting/sewing, I couldn't return it to the seller. The partial refund I got was enough to cover the expense of the zipper. So that was great!

I could probably write half a page right now about how I dread these days doing nothing but waiting for the next exams. How my mind keeps trying to convince me that the exams are a waste of time as my skills within a subject (and last and most important grade) shouldn't be based on a sole performance (in which I risk picking a text from a literary period that I know nothing about because my teacher in 2nd grade didn't do her job and was fired). How I HATE the feeling of 'having to prove my worth' in front of others (I know very well where I stand) and thus feel demotivated about the exams. How I, at the same time, feel split between an 'I'm-500%-done' attitude and wanting to do my best because walking out of the exam room with a bad grade would be devastating enough for me to want to go hide in a hole and not come back before a week after...
but let's not get too far into that.

Instead, let me end the post on a more positive note saying that I want a haircut; to symbolize a new start and get rid of the dead ends that have been bothering me for too long . They won't do me any good anyways in the future so I might as well get rid of them, right? ㅋㅋㅋLiterally and metaphorically