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August 16, 2006

Oatmeal is Better for Eating

I’m gonna take you back, way back, to a time called the 80’s when I was a youngster reading my
Teen magazines religiously. Every issue would arrive at my doorstep
and I wouldn’t put it down until I had read every single section,
sometimes even twice through. The best part, aside from the awesome
80’s makeup and hair, was the home remedies they always suggested and
ALL of us tried – don’t even pretend you didn’t. Possibly one of my
greatest was the highly anticipated Oatmeal and Honey home face mask.
Who wouldn’t want the perfect skin that this mask was supposedly going
to give us. So, I mixed up the uncooked oatmeal, honey and egg yolk
into a bowl and began to apply it to my face. Now, take a moment and
think about the consistency of this. Honey=sticky. Oatmeal=dry, and
yolk=smelly. Mm-hmm. Now, imagine putting that on your face?
Actually, you don’t have to imagine because I know you did it too.
After my parents managed to stop laughing at me, they informed me that
I would have to clean up my bedroom carpet which was covered in a
sticky gooey mess.

When I went to take off the mask and reveal the new me, I realized
that this concoction would not be easy to pry off my face. After much
scrubbing, my face hurt, was red, and looked even worse than when I
began. Basically I wasted time, food and was still not going to win
the affections of one Jon Rockwell, who I’m pretty sure is gay now
anyways.

Here’s a recipe I found online, pretty much like the one I had used
so many years ago. Go ahead try it for yourselves, and tell me how it
works out for you. I’ll try not to laugh at you.

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Comments

No wonder it didn't work--uncooked oatmeal, what were they thinking? I've used an oatmeal mask before, and it's worked fine, albeit a bit goopy. You have to combine cooked oatmeal, just a dab of honey, and some mashed-up banana.