UK winners of the TV show Popstars, minus any songs about noctural wet dreams. The result? Hear'Say - a group as vile as sewer bilge and as brain-damaging as a blunt hit in the head with an electric drill.

There's no doubt that Hear'Say is manufactured. I don't expect them to belt out a song written and produced by themselves. But no matter how much the songwriters try, the five Steps-clone just cannot sing. Viler than S Club 7 (that's terrifying) and minus the conscious cheese of Steps, the whole badness of this album makes listening to Hear'Say akin to dipping my head into a vat of boiling rancid cheese.

I don't care if this makes me evil: my granddaughter is banned from even bringing the CD into my house. So there. Two times listening to rubbish like Pure And Simple and Breathe, sung with the exuberance of drowning rats and just as much liveliness, is enough to make me want to subscribe to Euthanasia Daily.