Friday, April 20, 2012

I was trying to, even if it kills me, have a pleasant breakfast with the whole family, all of us grudgingly participating in a freakishly stupid "family bonding" activity, when I heard, for the seemingly thousandth time, the boy saying to me, "If you loved me like you are supposed to love a son, then you would give me the money I need."

He obviously wants to buy another useless geegaw, gimcrack or flimsy flapdoodle, like motorcycle mud flaps, or finally getting his stupid abscessed tooth taken care of, or something equally as boring, I forget exactly what, but the irritating part is that it comes after I have spent years very, very patiently making it More Than Freaking Clear (MTFC) to him, and everybody else, that because the Federal Reserve is insanely creating so much excess money and credit and thus creating so much inflation in prices, then any money that fortuitously gets into my grubby, grasping little fist which is not already encumbered by some ill-tempered collections agency getting some ill-tempered judge to order me dislodged from the aforesaid money, must be invested in gold, silver and oil.
And as a good father and provider who loves his family even though the son is proving to be a complete idiot, I am responsibly buying gold, silver and oil to protect our happy little nuclear family.

I remember looking at my son, thinking to myself, "He does not understand my words, and never has. Perhaps a more practical lesson would instruct, whereas my randomly screaming at the stupid little bastard has not!"
So, keeping a phony-baloney smile on my face, I looked down at my breakfast, furtively dipped a soggy Cheerio from my bowl onto my spoon and, before anyone realized what was happening, deftly flicked it at him, unfortunately missing him by an embarrassing mile, damned near hitting my wife.

This is obviously another of my many failed, but well-meaning, attempts be a good dad, and you can obviously see where I try and try to be a good father, dutifully instructing and teaching his children of the evils of central banking, and how those dumb Federal Reserve bastards always create inflation in the money supply by creating too much money and credit, which fuels inflation in consumer prices, which is the thing that always kills economies because price inflation makes everyone poorer as income increases always lag price increases, and economies don't grow when people get poorer.

So, "family togetherness breakfast" be damned, and in desperation, I reached out, grabbed a copy of Forbes magazine and threw it at him! I was dismayed that I missed him again, but by only a few inches this time, indicating marked improvement in my aim, when suddenly he is acting all upset, like, "What's that for?"

So I said, "Read the article titled 'The Federal Reserve's Crony Capitalism' by James Dorn, where we can all read about Ben Bernanke, chairman of the evil Federal Reserve, which has turned into the most evil institution in America and thus, ipso facto, making Ben Bernanke the most evil man in America, not me, despite what you and your mother, and all your stupid friends, say."

There was a stunned momentary silence, and so I continued "So why don't you shut the hell up and say something nice for a change, ya little brat? Maybe something grateful, like 'Thanks dad, for putting everything into gold, silver and oil when you noticed that the quantity of money was being increased by the Federal Reserve, since we know this means an inflationary increase in prices that will match the inflation in the money supply, and for the bizarre, mentally-ill, economy-destroying reason of increasing government spending and debt, so much so that every minimally-competent sane, sentient being in this whole quadrant of the galaxy can give the startling facts a mere, fleeting, cursory glance, from across the freaking room even, to say, with a voice dripping with dread from the depths of hell, 'We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)'?'"
Nothing. Not a word. Not even -- at least! -- commenting about the unusual set of punctuation marks at the end of that last paragraph. Instead, he just looks at me like I am some stupid old guy speaking gibberish who doesn't have enough motor control to hit somebody in the head with a magazine from a lousy three feet away.

Meanwhile, out of the corner of my eye I can see my wife, crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out of the side of her mouth, while twirling her index finger around her temple. Behind me, I can hear my daughter stifling a laugh at the sight.

Well, this is the same disrespectful "he's crazy" motion that she always makes whenever we meet with, for example, stupid policemen, stupid judges, stupid city officials, stupid schoolteachers, and stupid social workers who won't mind their own damned stupid business and quit blaming everything on me, a poor, pathetic old man severely handicapped by poor parenting skills incidental to a lifetime of self-induced misery and a penchant for bad choices, but who still can't get a lousy handicapped parking sticker for his damned car despite obviously deserving one.
So I never got a chance to say to them, in my snottiest voice, that if they had bothered to read the Forbes article, they would know that Ben Bernanke thinks he has Solved The World's Biggest Puzzle, namely how to have one's cake and eat it, too!

This -- I am sure you will agree -- is the news of the century! Wow!
The whole thing about an ugly economic collapse due to creating lots of inflation in prices with lots of inflation in the money supply, made necessary to finance an insane inflation in the size of government and thus exponentially increasing debt, is now been disproved! It's a miracle!
The actual Miracle Of Economics (MOE) was revealed when Bernanke "tried to downplay the idea that mild inflation would erode the value of money because most people would protect their money by investing it, and not put it under the mattress." Hahaha! Fabulous!

I tells ya, I thought I would bust a gut! Hahaha! There you have it! The Big Freaking Answer (TBFA) from the idiots at the Federal Reserve, right from the mouth of the head idiot himself!
Bernanke explains to us morons out here that inflation is no problem at all, and that all you have to do is invest your money to offset inflation in prices, instead of spending your money on things whose prices are going up. Like food, shelter and energy! Hahaha!

In that way, see, because your money is invested, it is bringing in enough gains to offset inflation, then inflation will not be a problem for you because you have not spent the money, and thus have not paid higher prices! Hahahaha!

In short, inflation is only a problem for people who buy things! Hahahahaha!

And, just when you think it can't get any weirder, and you think you are going to barf from your stomach hurting from all the laughing, suddenly you have something to barf about, as then, even more unbelievably, Bernanke "admitted that interest rates are low now, but in the long run they tend to 'compensate' for inflation."

So, because rates are low now, then in the future they will be higher? Yikes! Higher interest rates, higher price inflation from our monetary inflation, higher debts and higher debt defaults can only add up to one inescapable conclusion: "We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)."
At least, that’s the way it has always been over thousands of years of governments getting into financial trouble under the control of corrupt, greedy idiots, just like now.

And, again, just like now, gold and silver have always ended up as the investment of choice at the end. This Highly Important Fact (HIF) makes it so irresistibly compelling to buy gold and silver, and the ease with which it can be accomplished makes you positively giddy with delight, as in "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Friday, April 13, 2012

I woke up earlier than usual, and suddenly decided to try and quietly sneak out of the house so that I could get breakfast out, someplace where wives and children are not yammering about something.

My tiptoeing around in the dark is, of course, the silent signal to the wife and kids that I am trying to sneak out of the house unmolested and, if they know what is good for them, they will pretend they are asleep, as if in a coma, until long, long after I am gone so as to include a safety margin of time against my suddenly remembering that I forgot something and have to come back for it, thus catching them sitting around the kitchen, making coffee and plotting against me.

Oh, I know that you will say I am wrong, that they are not plotting against me, and that I am just being paranoid. Save your breath. I've heard it before. You only say that because, I assume, your first clue was that I am obviously some kind of paranoid lunatic who's packing so much large-caliber heat that I can hardly stand under the staggering weight of such, predictably, insane amounts firepower, which, including holsters, spare ammo and that those grenade thingies, ain't light, I'm here to say!

So while you think you are very clever at discovering the secret, hateful little homicidal paranoid creep that is The Real Mogambo (TRM), the fact is that you ain't even close. I am actually far, far beyond that, out in a bleak wasteland of lost souls, where wolves howl as they slink stealthily closer and closer, their ravenous, slavering jaws fixed into an evil, dripping grin, with their narrowed, blood-red eyes staring intently at my throat, out where I am getting more and more paranoid with every beat of my heart pounding, pounding, pounding in my chest and my breath coming in ragged, painful gasps.

So, as you can plainly see, I am A Hell Of A Lot More Angry (AHOALMA) about things, especially since all of our problems are, literally, the fault of the damnable Federal Reserve creating so much money, so incredibly much money, so astoundingly much money, so completely unbelievable much money for the last 50 years or so, mostly in the last 25 years, and mostly under Obama, so as to literally finance such vast governmental stupidities and idiotic mal-investments.

And now we are left with the backbreaking, burdensome, ugly and totally-predictable legacy after continually acting with real, genuine stupidity, where constant inflation in the money supply always leads to constant price inflation and gross mal-investment, such as (for example) half -- half! -- of all employed workers in the USA work either for a government (federal, state or local), a school system, a non-profit corporation or a Government Sponsored Enterprise (GSE). Half!
So, to recap because I imagine that you are rubbing your eyes in disbelief, half of all working Americans labor for an organization that literally makes no profit, and thus are not tax-payers, but are tax-eaters.
And let's not forget that half of all Americans -- half! -- get a government check every month!

With the chilling, inviolable, dead-bang, absolute certainty of elementary-school basic arithmetic, this all means that more people are getting money (160 million people) than the number of people actually working (120 million people).

And when you exclude government workers, school system workers, non-profit workers and GSE workers from the pool of "workers", you have the ugly, distorted economic monstrosity of only 60 million private-sector workers (20% of all Americans) supporting both themselves and 260 million citizens who do not work for profit or do not work at all (the other 80% of the population)!

And so you, really, really, really think that, somehow, perhaps with magic pixie dust or a benevolent interventionist deity, that kind of silly crap can constitute a viable economy? Hahaha! Hey! I think I found your problem! You're a moron! Hahaha!
Okay, I am sorry I called you a moron, but that is just the kind of hateful, in-your-face kind of rude guy I am to people who say something so laughably stupid.

And I act this disdainful way because of three -- Count 'em! Three! --perfectly salient facts.

Firstly, long experience of facing down my wife and kids and the occasional angry neighbor, visitor or passerby has taught me that nobody is stupid enough to tell an angry armed lunatic, like me, that I am wrong about economics, or wrong about anything else, for that matter.
Secondly, it is perfectly obvious that I have achieved True Mogambo Enlightenment (TME) to have recognized the wisdom of the Austrian Business Cycle Theory and how it is the Only True Economic Theory In The Whole Freaking Universe (OTETITWFU).

Even better, this is economic genius about which you can read, and tread your own path to enlightenment, at Mises.org, which is the biggest and best bargain anywhere, since it gives you Transcendent Economic Understanding (TEU) of Austrian economics, and is completely free!
Thirdly, and the most compelling reason of all, the last 3,000 years of history is the same, sad, stupid story of one stupid government after another borrowing itself into bankruptcy, finally flailing about in dire, dreadful desperation, and how these same stupid governments always resorted to printing money, monstrously increasing the money supply, whereupon ruinous inflation in prices, social upheaval and economic collapse always followed.

And now here we are again, this time in the hands of lowlife, low-IQ, loathsome neo-Keynesian econometric Princeton and California clowns, doing that same tired monetary expansion crap, but with fancy equations and computers to justify their abject stupidity.
On the positive side, the Wonderful And Immortal Lesson (WAIL) from all of this, distilled as it is from millennia of governments, is to buy gold and silver, as much as you can, for as long as you can.
And with the modern addition of oil, the lifeblood of modern economies, buying gold, silver and oil to prosper in the coming cataclysm is so easy, and so seemingly certain, that it makes you giggle "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Talking to Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) Phil S. about the news that growth in the Chinese economy has slowed and how this is so calamitous, my clever comments were confined mostly to laughing in Contemptuous Mogambo Derision (CMD) at the whole idea, like some conceited hotshot know-it-all, like me, is worried about economic growth in China when the aforementioned conceited hotshot know-it-all knows -- for a fact! -- that there is almost nothing that can stop China's economic growth.

Why? Because a huge, HUGE chunk of the world's population, unburdened by personal debt and low incomes that are rising, is now demanding dazzling television sets, fancy phones, yummy frozen pizzas, smokin' hot pornography, and, I assume, a big butt-load of tequila and Margarita mix to kind of, you know, top it all off.

I realize that you probably can't readily see that I am going somewhere with this, and you are wondering "I wonder where Mogambo Big Stick (MBS) is going with this? And if I did know, would it be as stupid and banal as everything else MBS has ever said? And since I know that everything ever said by MBS was stupid and banal, what is wrong with ME that I am reading this Worthless Mogambo Crap (WMC) in the first damned place?"

Well, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that there IS something wrong with you, but the good news is that your waiting and wondering is almost over, because it turns out that I really AM going somewhere with this, and that somewhere, after a lot of twisting and turning and finally encompassing the Whole Freaking World (WFW), is to buy gold, silver and oil.

To that end, I note that the Financial Times writes that "China is importing record amounts of crude oil: Beijing needs to fill a bigger gap between surging oil demand and falling domestic oil output."

This is, as you will realize in a moment, the perfect time for the new Mogambo Pop Quiz (MPQ), which is modeled after the Real Life For Us Chumps Out Here (RLFUCOH) paradigm, in which for which there are no rewards for successfully answering the question, but for which there is ridicule, contempt and devastating loss for getting it wrong.

So, without further ado, the MPQ, with everything riding on the answer, is "With surging demand for oil from the largest segment of the world's population, but a falling supply of Chinese domestic oil production which is unfortunately coincident with the worldwide phenomenon of falling new supplies of oil (the famous Peak Oil phenomenon), exactly who but a Complete Freaking Idiot (CFI) would NOT buy oil stocks when even the most utterly dimwitted, lowlife, low-IQ, brain-damaged, jerkface nitwit can fearlessly forecast a future of fantastic fortunes as a felicitous fate for those who own oil stocks when demand goes up but supply goes down."

This, of course, is not only an embarrassing and outrageous example of completely gratuitous alliteration, but is also undoubtedly the best investing advice you will ever hear, and the only -- the only! -- advice to be distributed exclusively under the brand name Mogambo Best Advice You Will Ever Hear (MBAYWEH).

And as for gold and silver to join oil as the remaining two pieces of the glorious triumvirate comprising the Mogambo Best Advice You Will Ever Hear (MBAYWEH), their fabulous fate is also guaranteed, this time by an article in Forbes magazine by James Dorn titled "The Federal Reserve's Crony Capitalism" where he writes that Bernanke was asked about his "targeting" monetary policy to achieve 2% inflation in consumer prices, and Bernanke replied "that the real purpose was to 'avoid deflation.'"

I remember that I laughed the famous Mogambo Laugh Of Scorn (MLOS) at this startling stupidity, predictably getting a lot of flecks of spittle all over everything, a disgusting spectacle made more mocking and disrespectful by simply noting that the whole insane concept of "avoiding deflation" at the cost of inflation is not mentioned anywhere in the mission statement of the loathsome Federal Reserve, economics textbooks, economic history, or anywhere else in the universe, for that matter, because it is Too Freaking Insane For Words (TFIFW).

In fact, the mission of the Fed is the exact opposite! The Fed is charged with preserving price stability (definition: zero percent inflation), to prevent monetary booms and busts, which is the Exact Freaking Opposite (EFO) of what this evil horse's ass Bernanke admits actually trying to do to us! Treachery! Beyond treachery!

But, lest we forget, it is the evil Ben Bernanke's predecessor, the truly satanic Alan Greenspan, as chairman of the Federal Reserve from 1987-2006, who is the One Guy You Can Point To (OGYCPT) as being totally responsible for everything being so bad, because he's the one who started creating all the money that made all the busts possible.

Fortunately (and I say this with a HUGE sigh of relief), Greenspan's and Bernanke's monumental idiocies in creating too much money for so long are what made it possible for low-IQ proletariat trash like me to get rich, rich, rich just by buying gold, silver and oil.

Otherwise we would have to (shudder) work, or marry somebody who has a lot of money. Unfortunately, being stupid and lazy precludes the former for me, and being an old, hateful, paranoid, gold-bug, gun-nut, Constitution-loving, raving lunatic moron precludes the latter.

And yet I will prosper just by buying old, silver and oil, you say? Whee! This investing stuff is easy!

About Me

The Mogambo Guru
Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron's, The Daily Reckoning , and other fine publications. For podcasts featuring the Mogambo.