August 16, 2009

It WILL Grow Back. It WILL Grow Back. It WILL Grow Back. Right?

It may have been more like "I've done a really good thing and a really bad thing."

I don't know.

All I heard was "really good" and - more importantly - "really bad."

So he began to tell me...

"You know that farting stuff?"

He meant this stuff called "FLARP!" which is subtitled "Noise Putty" on the label, which really means it's slimy icky goopy stuff that makes all sorts of farting sounds when you push it back into its container. (The pockets of air below the FLARP! produce the farting sounds.)

They each got a little container as part of their goody bags when they went to a birthday party across the street.

FLARP!

FLARP! and whoopie cushions.

They were overjoyed.

Anyway, FLARP! is actually kind of cool in that it doesn't go around sticking to the furniture or the bathroom countertop if it gets out of the little container.

Apparently it does, however, stick to hair.

Yes.

Hair.

Alex continued.

"Well, Julia got some of that in her hair..."

(I'm thinking, well, that must be the "really bad" part...which would mean the really GOOD part involves Alex valiantly picking the stuff out of his little sister's hair. Wouldn't you think that? Please just agree with me.)

"...and I got it out by cutting her hair."

(I pause here so you can absorb that)

(I pause here so you can imagine the screaming I was doing INSIDE my head)

(I pause here so you can picture my eyes wide like saucers and Alex's fearful face in response)

I tried to be calm.

It's only hair, after all.

"Why did you CUT it???" I asked, my voice strangled in pain.

More to the point, I was wondering WHERE the FLARP! had been stuck. Where was this gaping hole of hair going to be?

Soon I found out.

Julia came upstairs, kind of cringing, and I gasped and asked "Why didn't you TELL ME?? Instead of CUTTING HER HAIR OFF???"

Alex fled to his room.

I wasn't mad.

I don't know what I was.

I kind of wanted to cry and scream and laugh hysterically and break a few things.