Ending an Affair Before it Starts

Avoiding an affair is possible.

By Angela Gusman

Every person is different and perceives the world around them with a different lens. Circumstances present themselves and from time-to-time individuals are presented with the means to be unfaithful. I guess we should back up first because I’m a strong believer that a cheater has other issues and needs that are not being met – and then when a comprising situation presents itself, then a cheater feels like they should act. So how do you make your relationship infidelity proof? Well there is no easy, cut and dry answer. In fact, every couple and individual is different. However, if you constantly invest time in your relationship and within yourself then you’ll find it’s a lot easier ending an affair before it begins.

Marriage can get boring if you’re not dedicated to making the relationship fresh. Career, kids, finances and the list of other responsibilities can be taxing. However, if you want your marriage to be affair proof then you have to be willing to put in the work. Date your spouse. Now I’m not saying that you have to religiously go on a weekly mandatory date night, but what I am saying is you should spend quality time together. You’ll discover that your bonding sessions will keep things feel alive. Cook dinner together, watch a movie together after the kids go to bed, dedicate a block of time to each other – no electronics allowed, or participate in an activity together – golf, tennis, hiking, etc. These actions will be an effort to ending an affair before it even starts.

Many unfaithful spouses say that they cheated because their spouse didn’t make them feel wanted anymore. It’s relatively easy to get into your comfy sweatpants when you get home and throw on your favorite sweatshirt from college, but from time-to-time you should fight the urge. Dress up for each other. Look nice for each other. Pretend that you’re dating – would have wear those sweatpants if you were dating? Make an effort to physically be there for your partner. Putting forth the effort is your way of ending an affair before it is even perpetuated. Your effort will not go unnoticed and it will rejuvenate your partner’s self-esteem and overall confidence.

Being present is a huge factor when it comes to infidelity in a marriage. Both parties must be willing to fight for each other. No, I’m not saying that you have to duke it out or throw blows when someone else finds your spouse attractive and takes a second look. I am referring to communication between a couple. Listen when your partner needs you to listen. Talk when your partner needs you to talk. Be active in your relationship. Your partner is your best friend therefore, you should be able to say just about anything. Even the most stable relationships need to be reassured every once in a while that they are enough for each other. Tell your spouse that you love them. Tell your spouse that you appreciate them. Express to your spouse how awesome they are. Communication can go a long way and ultimately is the founding ground for a strong platform.

"Ending an affair before it starts means you’ll never lead someone into thinking you’re available – emotionally or physically."

All in all, carry yourself with respect and don’t allow others to be misconstrued by your actions and intentions. Be a dignified person and never let your guard down. Now this isn’t to say you can’t be yourself, have friends and enjoy life. But you should never allow others to think that something could happen between the two of you. Ending an affair before it starts means you’ll never lead someone into thinking you’re available – emotionally or physically. Wear your wedding band with honor and know that someone else cares for your and has placed their heart in your hands. If you’re not married, but are in a committed relationship the standards are the same. A commitment is a commitment and should be held to the same statue. You’re taken and if you no longer want to be in a relationship, then be honest with your partner beforehand and avoid putting yourself in a predicament that could further hurt others.

If after all of this you still feel compelled to engage in an affair then you should communicate your issues with your spouse. You never know, they may be experiencing the same feelings. Sometimes talking is the best way to resolve issues. Be honest and explain to your spouse that you’re ending an affair before it has the possibility to begin. Seek out counseling – whether it be as a couple, an individual or perhaps both. Therapists can help a great deal and provide a third party persona that friends and family are unable to offer. Maybe there are issues from your past that you need to work through. A therapist can help you heal and find redemption within your mind, body and soul. Another great option is to seek out assistance within your church. Having faith on your side will reinforce your insecurities and provide you with a solid platform for salvation within yourself and your relationship. Don’t be ashamed – you’re doing the right thing by ending an affair before it begins. And despite initial reactions that may come forth, you’ll find that everyone will thoroughly appreciate your honesty and credibility of doing the right thing.