Friday, October 28, 2016

RETRO: The year McLaren pissed in Scuderia Ferrari's Sandbox at Indianapolis...

"Mika-the-Finn" Hakkinens West McLaren
Mercedes in action at Suzuka, during the 1999 Japanese GP, the year of his
second and final F1 world championships. (Image source: motorsport.com)

Hold your Prancing Ponies! Imagine driving cross
country without a cell phone and not knowing whether or not the very first
major International sporting event in Thy good 'Ol U.S. 'O Americre' would be
held? But the Show MUST G-O ON! Right Uncle Bernaughty?

As that's exactly what Tres Hombres did, driving
thru small town after Small Town USA and just gettin' more 'N more turned off
by the overbearingly nauseating phalanx 'O red, white & blue
"Pride" on display! Pledging our allegiance to Duh Flag; Hmm? Sound
familiar? Oh Never Mind!

Like I said, it's definitely A-L-L a 'Wee bit
foggy now... But Kudos to Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen for not only making
I-T happen, but getting me into Indianapolis Motor Speedway minutes prior to
the track going green for Friday morning's FP1 (Free Practice) session!

After having paid someone $20, or was it $10?
To park in their front lawn for the day much to Mary Ellen's wonderful Hoond
Sarah's dismay. As know Mary Ellen said we AIN'T paying $40? Uhm think we paid
twenty Smackeroos' the first day.

Years later, Mary Ellen told me how Sarah
forever refused to willingly get into 'Ol Blue, her trusty Ford Econoliner
Campervan after our trip. Having apparently been scarred for life over our
having made her stay alone in the van for multiple hours that weekend...

As Mary Ellen proclaimed to me later on
Friday, parking is FREE in the IMS infield beginning at 6AM, and we're gonna be
there at 6AM SHARP tomorrow! Which is exactly what we did the next two mornings.
Going back to sleep immediately after parking.

As I still marvel 15yrs later over how
FREAKIN' kOOL I-T WAS! Mary Ellen cooking me Flapjacks inside Mother Speedway
for breakfast both days... As somehow I'm guessin' Y'all couldn't pull that off
today during the Indy 500, eh?

SWEET!

Whilst we were
totally oblivious to those world famous Tendrloins! Y'all know the ones Geo.
Phillips dutifully tracks down each Month 'O May! As I've only ever had one 'O
these delectable morsels Wayback in '06 when Claudio' said: You're gonna pay $9
for a sandwich?

XXX SAP

United States Grand Prix

Indianapolis Motor Speedway

Grand Prix circuit: 2000-2007

Permanent Road Course: 13-turns

Circuit length: 4.192
km (2.605 mi)

28-30 September

It's even funnier how I really don't remember
very much of the race itself, after having traipsed round the planet to witness
multiple Grands Prix in six countries over the past three decades. Although I
do recall Mary Ellen being somewhat surprised over my joyous reaction over
"Mika-the-Finn" (Hakkinen) being victorious!

Alas as typical
here in Nofendersville, I'll just share some of my remaining memories on arguably
the best Roadtrip ever!

In what's probably a pretty typical reaction?
I Still vividly recall being Dumbfounded over how FREAKIN' LOOOOOO-NGGGGGGGGGGG
the racetrack was! As I can still see row after row of shiny silver grandstand
seats stretching as far as Thy eyes could see!

I also recall thinking how strange it was
that the concrete we walked 'N walked upon to find entrance to the grandstands
was cracked, uneven and expansive.

While it also seems to Mwah? Although I've
experienced the phenomenon worldwide. There were multiple air-horns blasting every
time la Scuderia streaked by. Since after all, these were the days of Herr
Schumacher cementing his reign as 'DER TERMINATOR, en route to five consecutive
F1 world championships for Scuderia Ferrari.

As Michael had just broken the record of most
F1 victories by winning the Belgian GP earlier that summer, where he scored his
52nd Grands Prix victory to overtake Alain Prost's then record of 51-wins...

And after accidentally finding the FP1 (Free
Practice) results on thou Intrawoods', which apparently M. Schumacher led, NO idea how I finally
found the webpage below, spending over an hour trying to find it whilst makin'
my head HURT; SHEISA!

As interestingly, three drivers who remain
today in Formula 1 were participating in that year's event. With 21yr old
British Playboy 'JENSE, nee Jenson Button in his sophomore season and initial
campaign for Benetton alongside Giancarlo Fisichella.

Two rookies on hand would become future F1
world champions, with Fernando Alonso piloting what I thought was a very sweet
lookin' Minardi, the PS01B chassis with Malaysia's debutant Gran Primo Piloto Alex
Yooung as team-mate.

As "Fredrico Suave" would replace
Button at Benetton, which became Renault which he won the 2005-06 titles for
during its second iteration as an F1 Constructor.

And then there was that Ultra cool Fresh Face
rookie Wunderkind, thee original " Iceman!" Whom 'Ol Hobbo (David Hobbs)
used to delight in mentioning how large his attachments were! Or simply known
today as the Kimster', nee Kimi Raikkonen driving the Sauber C20 alongside the
once "Quick Nick" Heidfeld, the year that Peter Sauber spurned title
sponsor (Red Bull) Deeter Majestik's chosen one, the long forgotten Enrique
Bernoldi; Chirp-Chirp, Bueller?

As Kimi and his Oomphlats would become
Ferrari's latest Formula 1 world champion in '07, which Ferrari will mark a
decade of trying to repeat next year after wallowing in the frustration of this
season.

And then presumably we made our way back thru
the nearby parking lot across the street. As still recall being Bamboozled over
how rundown, decrepit and mangy looking the adjoining neighborhood was. As seem
to recall derelict Trailer homes abounding the area.

As not sure which day we spotted that now
iconic Pissing Calvin deckle', nee the ubiquitous Calvin & Hobbs cartoon
character (decal) peeing upon Somme-thun', as this one gave me great relief, as
it was peeing on the #24 of Jeffry Pretty-boy' Gordon; YEE-HAW! As the sticker
was adorned on a "Shorty" School bus that had been turned into a
camper, which we briefly toured whilst chatting with its owners.

After practice, it was off to our ultra
luxurious Digs' for the next three days. As I'd pulled out A-L-L thee stops;
Cymbol Crash please! Or should I-T be the Gong?

As we'd be spending the next three nights at
the Indiana State Fairgrounds, for which cost a whopping $48 - including usage
of the showers, replete with hot water; Ooh-la-lah!