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"No, 'C' is a computer language, not the grade for my project."
"What's happening?"
"He turned into a black hole, so dense that light cannot escape his field of gravity."
"Ping"
"Unfortunately, only his ideas can escape the gravity because they lack substance."
"What if you program in 'B'?"

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Dilbert: "I can't live my life trying to please others."
Dogbert: "I think I can speak for all others when I say, 'Fool! You'd better please us or we'll crush you!'"
Dilbert: "It was just a thought."
Dogbert: "We 'others' don't like to be threatened."

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The Boss: "I want you to help me upgrade the computer in my office."
Dilbert: "The computer in your office is a cardboard prop that came with your desk."
The Boss: "So, I need a new motherboard, right?"
Dilbert: "No, you need a new desk."

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"I can't believe we have to go to 'diversity sensitivity' training."
"Wally, I don't see how it could be bad to seek a better understanding of others."
"Uh-oh."
"Take a seat in the 'dumpy white guy section'. I'm ready to start."

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The Boss: "I saw the code for your computer program yesterday."
"It looked easy. It's just a bunch of typing. And half the words were spelled wrong."
"And don't get me started about your over-use of colons."
Dilbert: "They remind me of you, sir."

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Dilbert: "I am the king of my cubicle, the absolute ruler of this tiny realm."
"And these are my loyal subjects: Mister Computer, Mister Stapler, and The Binder family."
"Who spilled coffee?"
"The barbarian is thwarted at the moat."

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"Dogbert the Futurist"
Dogbert: "Someday, keyboards will be replaced by motion-sensing rings on your fingers..."
"The computer screen will be projected into your glasses as a 3-D image."
- These developments will not enhance the image of technical professionals."
Dilbert: "Are you an engineer?"
Moron: "I'm a moron. Common mistake."

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DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT
Dogbert sits at a desk using a computer. He says into the phone, "According to my online database, our product isn't compatible with your computer." Dogbert continues, "It's also incompatible with all other computers and all other software including our own." Dogbert continues, "And those red blotches on your hands - that's because our box is made of poison ivy."

Transcript

Dilbert stands behind a man with an eye patch who is working on his computer. The man says, "My theory is that a computer interface should hurt the user." The man continues, "So I designed some new sounds into our product. We've got 'sound of puking,' 'fingernails on blackboard' and 'bird hitting window.'" Dilbert looks ill. The man continues, "But suppose the user does something WRONG. Then we have the sound of a puking bird hitting a blackboard." Dilbert falls down.