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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Remember last year? Last September, my aunt was diagnosed with adenocarninoma of the lungs. Real time lingo, lung cancer. She was quite possibly one of the bravest people I saw fight the battle that she fought. My aunt knew that Jesus faced an unimaginable battle and this was just a piece of cake. She said, This too shall pass. And it did. After the radiation, chemotherapy and every other demon that comes with cancer, she faced it head on. She came out on top, stronger than ever. As a family we faced the battle together. She is our aunt, she is our family. We might not have felt what she felt, but we fought the battle just as hard.

And we are going to do it again.

Last week another dear family member was diagnosed with breast cancer. She may not be family by blood, but she is just as much family as a cousin or aunt or brother or sister. She is our family. So once again we stand together stronger than before to brave another battle. Although this sweet little lady might not show her toughness like some of us, she really is. She will fight this fight with her head held high to only come out on top. That's the only option, right?. Since last year, we have all become a little tougher, and we are ready for the unexpected. I have to speak with this optimism because when you think positive, positive happens. So we will take your hand, and we will all hold on tight. Please keep her and our families in your thoughts and prayers.

God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

"Your hands" JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Hopefully I speak for most when I say I am guilty of occasionally thinking it is. Last child syndrome, or just being a human in general?

Something doesn't go our way, and instead of thinking through every reason why, it instantly puts a chip on our shoulder. What? How does this happen to me? Everything bad only happens to me? Are you paying attention to me? See? It isn't pretty, but I am guilty.

I wear my emotions for the world to see. I sure wouldn't be blogging this if I didn't. And that's where this problem lies. For example, work last week was trying in a way that most people who don't work in health care don't see often. Death looms over the hospital, because that's what happens when people are sick. There are many outcomes, sometimes death is one of them.

That may never come easy for me. So when we are expected to deal with it in such a timely manner and move throughout the day with a happy smile, the lines get blurry because our eyes are still pretty teary. There goes the emotions.

But it's not all about me. I didn't lose a family member, a brother, a sister, husband or wife. Someone's trials just got a little more tricky and someone's world became a little darker. I wonder how they feel? I know how I feel and I've only known them a day. I can't even begin to imagine your heartache. Well I could, but now isn't the time for me to dwell on my life, right now it isn't all about me.

We hear some extremely heart breaking news about a beautiful wife, and it's like really? The week couldn't have ended more terribly. How much more can one emotional heart on the sleeve wearer take? Considering I don't have those life decisions right in front me, hopefully a lot. It's not all about this girl.

I had a long talk with my mom because she recently lost a dear friend to cancer. My heart breaks for those who have to say good bye one last time not knowing whether or not their loved will wake up to see the next morning. I am so mad because how can I be so selfish? A family is holding on with all they have to make it to Christmas, so it is definitely not all about me.

Although I have struggles, others have far greater hurdles to jump over in the days and weeks and months to come.

Last week was definitely a learning one.
I am learning that being selfless is more beautiful than being selfish. And I will say my Daddy tops the list at number one Dads.

Talk about being selfless and stepping in without question. Thank you so much for everything last week. I know you read my "blooog" and I could never tell you enough what an awesome Dad you are. Thank you for being selfless, and for being my Daddy.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

We had a tacky Christmas party this past Saturday, and Justin Beiber was there! I mean, we practically became besties. *teenage girl scream* Well, not really. (I just think the commercials of the adult men who have the really high squeal when they see him are pretty funny). And The Bieb just loved the ladies. My brother's GF and his roommate's GF hosted this fun little gathering, and I must say they did a wonderful job. Thank you Meghan and Abbie! We had great food, a Christmas cocktail, and some pretty sweet outfits. I just love this time of the year. How was y'all's weekend? Hope it was wonderful. I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner. It is coming fast! Happy Christmas week everyone!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I have linked up with Ashley before for Heart Therapy. It is the weekly blog therapy.

This week we are making an I am list...

I AM...

smart

funny

courageous

brave

flawed

kind

a good aunt

encouraging

a hard worker

loyal

a good listener

caring

loving

beautiful

I think it is easier to make a list that might start with, I am not.

Although I am normally rather sarcastic, making these types of lists are hard without feeling super narcissistic. Nonetheless, I think it is definitely good for the soul to pat yourself on the back every now and then.

On the flip side, this week at work and outside have been rather draining. Hello, debbie downer. But no seriously, you would have thought yesterday was Friday the 13th at work. Nope, it was just a Tuesday. I will tell you that I walked out of that hospital a stronger person for what we all endured.

Also there are some unspoken prayer requests that have been heavy on my heart. I just can't imagine going into the holiday wondering not how they are going to buy presents, but how they might buy groceries. Please keep all of those who aren't quite as fortunate in your thoughts and prayers.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Thursday, December 8, 2011

I walk a lot with work. I mean A LOT. I have already worn out my tennis shoes that I got for Christmas last year, and I only wear them to work. I know the Shape Ups aren't the most stylish, but I have heard good things so they would be okay by me for work.

I must admit I feel like I NEED this Classic Coach Madison Satchel. I know it is super simple, but I am super in love. It is only $358.00. haha. Who am I kidding? It looks like I will have to save up to get this.

And I am definitely in need of a laptop case for my laptop that my sweet Daddy got me for graduation. You can never go wrong with Vera Bradley, and I am loving the Folkloric pattern these days.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I picked Ryleigh up today so she could help my Aunt and I make Christmas candy. I have helped my Aunt ever since I was little, and it is such a blessing to share this with my niece too. She is such a sucker for SWEETS. In the pictures she is eating the cookie dough besides sneaking one of the Reese's cups. As I was wrapping presents, she was in another room unwrapping the Reese's for the cookies. When I went to check on her I noticed two of the candies had little bite marks in them (although she had placed them nicely in the pan by all of the other Reese's) She tried to sneak it by us. Ryleigh is too funny, and we always have a great time together. Check out the final product. They were delish.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I love when Lu goes to the groomers. I think it makes her look like a puppy again. I also think her little ears are cut like a bob, just like Ramona's. Did anyone read the series when they were younger? I did. Lu is just like her, kind of awkward and sometimes clumsy, but you can't help but eat her up. Love her.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Sometimes our daily struggles seem so grand in the scheme of things when in reality the person sitting next to us could be fighting a battle even grander. When you think you have been defeated, think again. This beautiful family has faced a tremendous battle in the past few weeks, but they have stood tall and trusted in the Lord. If you have a moment you can read about their story. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

I decided to go back to my original title. L is for Lindsey. I will say that I love all of Ashley's blogs and I was so happy she was able to design one for me. I would recommend her to everyone. However, I really wanted to go back to the original. I loved The Girl in Blue, but I am not just a nurse, and I wanted to just be Lindsey again. This time around Lula made my blog and I love it just as much! She also does wonderful blogs so check them both out for your next blog make over!

So now what?

When I was getting ready to graduate from nursing school, I felt like this whole life thing would magically fall into place. It must be that dreamer in me. I love nursing. I have said that too many times to count. But I would be lying if I said I love my job. It is overwhelming, stressful, non stop, and only somewhat of what I expected. When we did clinicals in nursing school we only got a fourth of the actual effect of everything that we would encounter. Then in less than 6 weeks we were on our own. A brand new world handed to us in a single motion. We were thrown into a pack of hungry wolves and they were waiting for us to fail. I will not fail. Well, that isn't true. I can fail. I am sure I have. So sure my job is overwhelming and all of those other things, but I have learned a great deal. I have learned to be tough, and to not be such a push over. I have learned that I have much more patience than I ever realized, and I have learned that I still wear my emotions on my navy blue scrub sleeves. I have learned that I chose the absolute greatest profession to be my career and I have learned that I have endless opportunities.

But I'm stuck.

I think I am so anxiously awaiting what WILL happen that I can hardly enjoy what is happening NOW. So now what? I will once again put all of the day dreams to the side and live this life in the moment. Or I will at least do my very best. I am more than grateful for everything that has happened this year. A year that is ALMOST over! Next year will be even better, for now, I will live for today.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I guess I haven't mentioned much about my new place, we moved in at the end of September. I share a cute little apartment with a great new friend. She moved from a house and has TONS of Christmas stuff... Luckily. She drives a mid-size SUV and the entire back with the seats down was FULL of decorations!

(I took this picture from the front seat)

We still haven't decorated much, but we did manage to decorate for Christmas. I LOVE CHRISTMAS.

I mean, I LOVE our tree

And this sweet little snowman platter

And wrapping presents

And this Krispy Creme sign that really lights up

And this toy phone that everyone probably had as a baby

And this reindeer

And this green bow

And the extra swirls and sparkles up top. It couldn't be better.

Well maybe it could.

So I end the night with a little hot chocolate with colored marshmallows.