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Run D(allas)MC

Shoutout to my boy Hen for tipping me off to this video and the Dallas Mavericks’ latest publicity stunt.

While having the centerpieces of the Dallas offense attempt to rap horribly corny lines wearing gold chains and track suits could be construed as endearing, I have a lot of issues with the final product:

First and foremost, I am PRAYING that someone wrote these lines for them, and that Dirk/Monta/Chandler do not fashion themselves as budding songwriters. Seeing as there are NBA players who can actually rap it seems cruel that this video will probably generate a lot more traction on the internet than anything Iman Shumpert has recorded.

Secondly, why are Dirk and Chandler together while Monta’s scenes are shot separately? Its nice to see that Chandler is already getting along with his new teammates, but couldn’t they find a time to shoot this where all three players were together? Does Monta not like hanging out with his teammates? Or does he think being next to them will hurt his street cred even more than being forced to show the world his terrible rapping?

Lastly, the article comments that the people who produced this film wanted the athletes to rap on the spot in one take, banking on the fact that Dirk’s “Germanness” made him a predictably bad rapper, which would be funnier for all of us to watch. Kinda mean, at least to me. Guess we’re still not past that low-hanging fruit where having foreign-born English speakers or overly nerdy white guys do “black people stuff” counts as hilarity. Soul Plane 5 coming to theaters soon!

Anyway, this is a total drag for me. I love the Mavericks offense but I’m not having any fun watching this humiliation. What about you?