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Friday, March 4, 2011

DO NOT READ THIS POST

Do Not Read This Post;

But Read This One About A Post That May or May Not Have Been Written By The Author*

Well, friends I normally don't do this but given the gravity of the depravity of the situation, I feel that I must act. You're probably wondering why I would entitle this "Do Not Read This Post" and then continue to write about not reading another post assuming that you've continued to read, even though I instructed you otherwise.** Silly reader, it's called sarcasm. and while you may have not heard of it, I am a master of it.

Yes friends, I'm here, sort of as a public service announcer but also as a dear friend. You see, Kari, from I Don't Wear Pink Camo to the Woods invited a guest writer onto her fantastic blog, some Writing Huntress who is no way affiliated with this blog. (Not even employing my sarcasm skills here; Kari's blog is awe-inspiring and awesome. No, I was not attempting at an alliteration here, it just happened.) I've never done a review for a posting yet so my credentials may be shaky but I write a little bit so I kind of know what I'm talking about.

In her post, "The Macabre Jackalope", the WH attempts to dispel the rumors that jackalopes are mythical creatures by not only explaining how to hunt them but also covering her first harvest of the "bloodthirsty" creatures.

Now I'm no scientist or zoologist, but I'm 92.4% sure that jackalopes do not exist. Furthermore, given that they do not exist, no one is, or ever will be, able to hunt them. So, the WH would be hard pressed to convince me otherwise. I smugly read the article until I saw pictures- REAL pictures of the huntress with jackalopes she's bagged, shot, and arrowed into their final resting place. (And let me say, she sure does look pretty good doing it.) Once I saw the pictures, I was a little surprised. The shots must be authentic, as no computer could do that much of a convincing job that she's holding antlers. I mean, I know for a fact that all models are that skinny and perfect in real life sans airbrushing, so the WH's account may be the real deal.

Well, now I've talked myself into a corner. I don't believe in jackalopes but apparently this hunting chick has actually killed at least three, with photographic evidence no less. While I can't really verify or condemn these claims as false, I can effectively gauge her writing which is terrible. She uses big words that I needed a dictionary to look up, makes vague connections in her analogies that throw the reader off, and she isn't even funny. Okay, maybe the milk and zebra muffins part is funny....and the crazy looking blind... and the stuff about how insane jackalopes are.. but that's it. The rest is just dull, boring and badly written.

For my first review, I think I did okay. If I were Ebert and Roeper, I'd give it one thumb up and three thumbs down. But given that I only have one set of hands, I'll give it a kind-of-okay thumb and a thumb down. So maybe you should read it... or maybe not.

*I don't deny nor accept any credit for the article written about Jackalopes. I have no idea who it was that wrote it. I don't think it was me. But then again, it could have been me. I mean, I could have had another sleep-writing incident that caused my genius to come out and create something that is inherently amazing but cannot be contributed to normal HLYH writing. Or it could be a girl who looks exactly like me and writes a lot like me but just happened to connect herself with this blog. I'm not sure. Either way, the post is okay. Funny, actually. Kind of out of left field.. but in a good way. To be honest, I really like the posting. But in order to keep my readers from following that WH, whoever she is, I have to bash it. It's only fair. However, since I know no one ever reads footnotes or the fine print of insanely long cell phone contracts, then not one, solitary person will ever read this confession! Muahahahahahahhaahahahhahaahhahahh!