So This Is What Happens When Tom Hanks Swears on Live Television

On Thursday, Tom Hanks, the closest thing the world has to a real-life Nora Ephron love interest—charming, nonthreatening, and a wearer of khaki—appeared on Good Morning America to discuss his latest movie, Cloud Atlas, and to dispel rumors about his new mustache. (It was grown to satisfy neither a bet nor a midlife crisis—he grew it to play Walt Disney in Saving Mr. Banks, the movie written by your future Fifty Shades of Grey screenwriter.) During the segment, host Elizabeth Vargas asked the Oscar winner to speak in one of the many accents he uses in the sci-fi film, and Hanks complied after warning her that “it’s mostly swear words.” Vargas assured Hanks that if he spoke in the accent, the audience would have a hard time knowing. Indeed, within seconds of launching into his monologue, he uttered the F word—garbled, quickly, and with an accent so heavy the at-home audience might not have noticed it had the host, Hanks, and off-camera viewers not reacted like someone had dropped an infant in the studio. Hanks and Vargas lurched forward in their chairs, covering their mouths in horror. In-studio observers let out audible gasps as a mustachioed Sam from Sleepless in Seattle said “fucking” on live television. And then both Vargas and Hanks—who by that time, had recovered to his charming, nonthreatening self—apologized.

“I want to apologize to the kids in America that are watching this right now,” Hanks said. “And let me say that the next time I’m on the show, there will be a seven-second delay . . . Never give me a hand-held mike, that’s all I can . . . I blame the staff.” Had the morning show simply bribed him with a vintage typewriter, he would have happily stuck to subjects that required no profanity, such as his favorite reality TV shows, Discovery Channel’sDeadliest Catch and Mythbusters.