Sorry if I am being blunt or rude but if you’re reading this, you probably agree with me.

Why else would you be hanging out on a page called I don’t want to be stressed?

Maybe because you don’t want to be stressed?

Every one of us have a story…. Most of us have some kind of negative story that includes trauma, loss, violence, abuse or extreme stress. Some unfortunate people have all of those things included in their story.

But guess what?

You’re still here – sometimes against huge odds – to tell the story and to do something about it.

Whatever happened in the past is your story.We can wish the past didn’t happen but that doesn’t undo it.

We can wish that whatever happened to us did not affect who we are today – that won’t help either.

What you are is a survivor.

An amazing survivor with a story of resilience to tell.Because despite everything – you made it this far.

Your mission now is take it further.

You are not your past.You are not your old story.You are no longer that victim or that child that was hurting.

It is time to rewrite your story – to step out of your comfort zone and try new things and new ways of doing things.

Take responsibility for your actions, your emotions and the consequences of your behaviours now.

Let your actions, emotions and behaviours of the past stay in the past.

Do things in small steps – one step at a time.

Be gentle on yourself – those small steps often go backward or stay in one place. This doesn’t mean that you’re failing – just don’t give up.

One day you will look back at this time and marvel that you ever doubted yourself.

All through our lives and definitely in childhood (well, that was my experience of education and growing up), we are told that failure is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.
Does the phrase “you’re not trying hard enough!” sound familiar?
JK Rowling said:
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case you fail by default”

Instead of seeing failure as a bad thing, why can’t we see it as an opportunity to grow? To try to figure out what works and what doesn’t. What our strengths are and what our weaknesses are. And to keep on building on those strengths rather than fighting to overcome weaknesses.

I sometimes think that I am the queen of mess ups. And while I do beat myself up a bit when I’ve made another mistake (usually from jumping into things impulsively), I try to be gentle on myself. And I seriously encourage you to do the same.
Be gentle on yourself.
Explore what works, go on a journey, make new discoveries, live for the moment.
Constantly worrying about the potential outcome and possible failure of every decision that you make and every action that you take will just paralyze you and stop you from reaching your potential and living a content (or dare I say it, happy) life.
Live a messy, confused and exciting life.
Be bold in your decisions.
And most of all trust in the process – it will unfold the way it is meant to.

Friday the 13th…
Scared or not?
There are some people who are so scared of the date that they stay at home to avoid accidents or sudden death. If you are one of those people, hello! We wish that we were home in our pyjamas too.
So, how can we be scared of a date?
Or a black cat crossing our path, or walking under a ladder, or breaking a mirror or any other superstition that you may have grown up with?
My mother taught me that if I killed a spider, I would lose my money which may explain a lot….
Whether you are superstitious or not, I hope that you are aware of the fact that all of these fears only come true if you allow them to. The more you think about them and obsess about them, the more likely it is that something happens to you. Not because you are willing it to but because you are more aware of things potentially going wrong.
Suddenly you have a spate of bad luck and you remember that a cat happened to have run past you a few days ago and that cat might have even been black.
The more you think about it, the more you notice that your luck seems to have changed for the worst.

The truth is that some things are just out of your control. Things happen – whether for a reason or not. You go through good things and bad things and you may be prepared for them or not. And a lot of the time, they have nothing to do with you. You just happened to be there. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong man, wrong career choice….
When you realise that you have no control, you can either freak out or sit back and relax.
Okay, maybe not relax but realise that things are out of your hands and you can stress about forcing it back to the way that you want it to be or see where it takes you.
Because it may be a crazy, wild adventure.
Wild enough to even go to work on Friday the 13th!

I’ve spoken to so many people who have started the year with a negative attitude
With the feeling that the new year will be exactly the same as the old one because – really? What would change from the 31st of December 2017 to the 1st of January 2018?
Well truthfully nothing!
Which, depressing as it sounds, is why I don’t wait up for new year to celebrate with fireworks and loud music. I wake up on January the first and carry on with my life just the same as I had done the day before.
Because life is what you make of it.
No change in year is going to miraculously change your fortune.
You want 2018 to be great?
Make it great!
The week is dragging… Do something to make it more exciting!
Your job is terrible? Look for a new one or enjoy moments in your job – like packing up at the end of the day and going home or having coffee with your colleagues.

We cannot control what happens to us but we can absolutely control how we react to it and what we do about it. That is why you will find people in really trying circumstances who are really positive and people who seem to have it all that never stop complaining (shame).
Attitude is everything.
So I won’t wish you a happy new year or a successful new year, I wish you continued wisdom, bravery, courage, commitment and self belief.
I wish you confidence, a sense of humour in the hard times and new journeys starting today!
I look forward to continuing to share my journey with you.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had done things different.
How different would my life be if I had said yes instead of no or no instead of yes. What could have happened if I had taken a different career path?

Even the smallest decisions can push your life on a different path.
Meeting someone randomly, being in the right place at the right time, being in the wrong place in the wrong time, choosing to stay home, taking a different route…
Everything has potential consequences – and they could potentially be life altering ones.

You can’t drive yourself crazy with could haves and would haves and what ifs. There is no way that we could ever know if things were meant to happen because of fate or by pure chance. And we definitely have no idea about the consequences that our actions in the present are going to have on our future.
But you do have the ability to knock on new doors and to expose yourself to experiences that maybe you wouldn’t have tried before if you are open to the fact that every thing that you do could be an opportunity. Don’t let fears from past experiences stop you from creating new opportunities.
Don’t be afraid to try new things, meet new people and step out of your comfort zone.
Be prepared to kick that door down and shout out “Life! Here I am!”

So, I made my mark!
Today I voted in the local elections. I stood in the freezing cold, icy wind and waited patiently in the queue to put a mark on a piece of paper.
Everybody in the queue was just as patient and just as happy to stand there in the cold because I think that we all realised what an honour and privilege it is to have the right to vote.
I stood there in the cold making small talk with strangers and it really struck me that we are all so lucky to have the rights that we do have – not just to vote but to do it freely.

We should never take things for granted.
Including the small things like knowing that no matter how cold we were in that queue, most of us would be going back to warm houses and steaming cups of tea.
We take big things for granted too – every day that you wake up and you can still walk and talk, do you stop to think how amazing that is?
The fact that you are healthy (okay maybe only somewhat healthy…) or that you have running water, food on your table, a warm bed, a roof over your head and (very important to my kids) access to wifi!!

Whenever you feel yourself slipping into self pity and negative thinking, please just take a minute to list the things that you do have.
You always have a choice – do you focus on what you do have or do you cry about what you don’t have?
Yes, there are always going to be people who are happier, healthier, wealthier and more successful than you but there are also always going to be people who look at you as somebody happier, healthier, wealthier and more successful than them.
Think about it!

I am so devastated by the death of Gugu Zulu – a great racing car driver but more importantly, a great person. A man who lived large.
He died while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for a good cause on Mandela Day.

If nothing else, what we should gain from his death is that we have absolutely no idea what tomorrow is going to bring.
One minute we are here, the next minute, we are not.
One day we are amazingly successful, the next, we may have lost everything.

So the question is:
If the only thing we know is right now, then why are we spending right now worrying about what might happen tomorrow?
Why do lead such stressful lives without ever slowing down to enjoy the small things (and the big things)?
There is a huge industry that is making money off our stress by supplying every supplement and energy booster you can think of when we should be boosting our own energy levels through slowing down, better eating, exercise and having a better attitude towards life.
We should be building resilience towards stress rather than just wishing it away (while downing another cup of coffee to keep us going).
Our lives should be worth so much more than the value that we give attribute to them.

So, next time you say “I don’t want to be stressed” you should do something about it!
Make today count!

Happy new year everyone!
I hope that this is going to be a year of self discovery, learning and finding peace.

Those of you who have been around me or have been reading my blog for years (thank you very much!) know that I hate the concept of new year’s resolutions.
Yet, I make them anyway because when do you get a greater time to make change than from the very beginning of a brand new year?
That doesn’t mean that you can’t make resolutions whenever you want – make them as often as you want. Don’t worry either if you fail on one of your resolutions, keep trying or take the failure as a clear indicator that you need to do things differently for a change.

Here are some of the things that I have decided to do for 2016 (and I would love it if you joined me in one or two or all of them):

1. Care less. It sounds horrible but I know that I care too much about too many people. My very kind friends have told me that caring is part of my personality and that I shouldn’t change but I am trying to care a little bit less so that I make a little more time for myself and my happiness.

2. Always (ok, close to often) have well manicured nails – the first thing that people see when they reach out their hand to greet you is your hands. A well groomed hand says a lot. Buy that funky coloured nail varnish…

3. Smile more – before people shake your hands, they notice your face (I hope). Smile! Even if you don’t necessarily feel like smiling, if you make yourself look happier, you generally feel more positive and so does the person who is looking at you. Unless you are grimacing – don’t grimace!

4. You may meet shy people who don’t look you in the eye and don’t extend their hand to you. They tend to look down when they talk to you – which leads me to my next point: wear awesome shoes!If you don’t feel awesome, then wear nervous breakdown shoes, which is a whole other story.

5. Learn a new skill this year – creativity is the one thing that absolutely keeps me calm so I am going to learn a new craft. You can learn a new skill, gain a new hobby, sign up for a new course (remember that there are thousands of free online courses) or just teach yourself something that you’ve always wanted to do.

6. Do something that scares you – choose to do the thing that you have been putting off, confront someone who needs confronting, go ahead and book that bungee jump (I won’t be joining you but feel free to do it anyway)

7. Be less worried about order and control and therefore, I am going to calmly only have 7 points on my list even though my logical brain is telling me to keep it even – a nice number like 10. Sometimes, we have to live a little chaotically and see what will happen and where life will take us with less planning and less need to have control.

I would love to hear what your plans for the year are.
Let’s make it wonderful!

Last week I was taking some very much needed time out for what I call therapy – painting and drawing.
I had decided to paint a picture of an angel (my guardian angel as I see her) and write a story about how grateful I am to have a guardian angel to look after me.
Note that I say that my guardian angel is a female – I like to picture her as young, pretty and graceful when in reality, my guardian angel is more likely to be a beer swilling overweight man (no offense intended).
I finally got the picture the way I wanted it to be when I spilled some grey paint on the angel’s cheek. So, I furiously started rubbing at the paper when my son walked in and asked what I was doing.
I answered that I was trying to erase the mess that I made, when he came out with a profound statement.
He said: “Leave it! What if your guardian angel really looks like that? Maybe she has a bruise.”

I sat for a while and contemplated what he said. The perfectionist in me was still trying to figure out how to fix the problem when I decided to take his advice and leave it.
Then it dawned on me that there is a good chance that my guardian angel has more than one bruise. And that is because I drag her through all kinds of things.
I realised that I spend a lot of energy in my life fighting what should naturally happen.
I often try to take control over things that I can’t control. I fight a chronic illness, when I should rather be listening to my body and be more gentle on myself.
I know that I do things that I shouldn’t be doing and I put more pressure on myself than absolutely necessary.
And right then, when I stared at my imperfect angel, I vowed to stop.

It is not easy to let go of control.
It is difficult to let things be, to let relationships run their natural course, to rest when we need to rest, to be gentle on ourselves and to be open to the path that life is taking on us.
It may not be the route that you intended but it is the life that you are meant to be living.
Live more gracefully and more graciously.
Let all of the other nonsense go!

(It is also Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Simon Cowell’s birthday, oh yes and my friend Debbie’s too.)
My friends clearly know that I am obsessed with Jayne Torvill (and I can already see them rolling their eyes!)
When I was young, I wanted to be Jayne Torvill and so I set my sights on winning an Olympic Gold medal (yes, seriously! Or so I thought)
Sadly, although now with no regrets, I never got to fulfill my dreams of getting to the Olympics, never mind winning a gold medal.

1984 Gold medal winners

With hindsight, and the wisdom of old(er) age, I now know why I never fulfilled my dreams. That was because although my dreams were my own, they were based on somebody else’s success.
The thing about Jayne Torvill and her partner Christopher Dean was that they did the opposite of what I did – they didn’t try to copy anybody. They were innovators who were absolutely unique in their style and their artistry. And that is why 31 years later, they are still considered the greatest in their field.

So, I messed up my ice skating career but I became a passionate Occupational Therapist as a direct result of my failed skating endeavours.
And since then I have never again followed any path that has been well used.
I always do things differently and in my own unique way.

Every one of us is special and unique.
There is absolutely no reason why we should spend our lives either trying to copy other people or to live up to the expectation of others.
Find your own path, do things the way that you think they should be done.
Don’t be afraid to walk on the path less traveled.
Be brave!
Do it anyway!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.