Really? You are NOT making me feel better about the “oft-injured” description. Oh, I’m sure you’ll be patient. You’ve been patient for… let’s see… JOHN LACKEY. And… you were patient with MIKE TIMLIN… and… let’s see… JOHN LACKEY. Oh, remember Delcarmen? Oh, and Lugo? Remember LUGO? I remember Lugo. Your patience does not instill in me CONFIDENCE. JOHN LACKEY?

Yeah. So there are some upgrades that could be made in right field. But as we are now- we’re a winning team. We’re solid. Peter is right. No need to stress. Now is the time for breathing. Deeply and calmly. For being very zen. For being so zen that Seattle freaks out and needs more coffee. You know what? I need more coffee to maintain my zenness. One sec.

“I think we could definitely win all the way to the end with this group of guys,” reliever Daniel Bard said. “I don’t think we need anyone. That doesn’t mean you couldn’t help by adding guys, but I don’t think we necessarily need anything.”

“I think it’s too early to get too cocky about it. But I can tell you that without the injuries and all the (stuff) that we’ve always got to go through, I’ll take my chances with this ballclub.” ~David Ortiz.

You know what? Me too.

Ah… coffee…

~L

————–

PS- More Johnny Damon press blabbing. He’s STILL talking about HOF uniforms. Like A) He’s getting in and B) he has an actual choice over what jersey he would wear and C) Boston actually wants him.

For such a humble guy (<-sarcasm), he sure does talk about this a lot…

PSS- Jon Lester has a blog. Am I the only person who didn’t know this? It is here.

I mean, we all know Curt Schilling has a blog. Who else has a blog? Seriously? Tell me Kevin Youkilis has a blog…

We get to leave Baltimore. Thanks be to Fisk. The whining, a shrill echo bouncing around in the migraines of our minds… might never fully go away. But for now, it’s a distant, distant memory. Onward toward the sound of a muuuucccccchhhhhh less whiny team: The Mariners.

See, I don’t think this is big news. I have ALWAYS said he’s got the speed… and when he gets the power, it’s going to be insane. Guess who got his power yesterday?

Jacoby reminds me a lot of early not-horrible-Damon. Remember him? The speed? How fun he was to watch? Then he started to get the power. And clearly his brain couldn’t handle it. And it turned to clumpy muck that exploded all over our hopes and dreams like a dynamite tumor of arrogance. I’m okay-I’m okay. It’s just hard sometimes. I need a minute. I have Youk now. I’m fine. I’m fine!

But Jacoby can do great things. I want him in a Sox jersey for the long haul. Think that can happen?

Daniel Bard is also streaking. So fast some of us hadn’t even noticed until the Boston Globe pointed it out. With Buchholz still on the mend and Lester not up to speed quite yet… it’s a good time for a streak.

Lance Armstrong is going to court. Lance Armstrong, who is a legend in the North Carolina High Country for saying Boone is one of his favorite places to bike, is denying any steroid use… but the questions have still been asked.

First of all, this was the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of my happy Wednesday. I’m in a corner of the bar with my laptop trying to finish edits for Sunday’s paper, watch the hockey game, watch the baseball game AND guzzle lunchboxes (it’s a drink, okay?) with the Frankster with absolutely NO FAN SUPPORT. It’s a lot of pressure. It’s so much pressure to be the ONLY person in a crowded bar watching hockey.

“What are you, Canadian?”

That’s what they say.

Are they WATCHING the game?

Do they SEE my Boston hat?

Oh, I see. You’re just generalizing. Because everyone who likes hockey is Canadian.

Okay. I get it. Because I think you’re a douche. You know. Because everyone who annoys me at this bar is a douche. Oh wait. That generalization is TRUE.

So yeah, bad company.

BAAAAAAAAAAAD game.

I hate you, Maxim Lapierre.

I hate you and I’ve always hated you and I just want you to know that every move you make, Santa is watching.

Really. Are you guys even CONSIDERING my feelings when you refuse to score? And, as we all know, Lauren spends a lot of time in Canada… (because I really do love it and want to live in Vancouver someday. You know, when MAXIM LAPIERRE is extradited to hell) and has a lot of Canadian friends… who send LOTS of annoying Canadian text messages when the Bruins lose. I would like to point out that MOST of these friends are Montreal fans. So sending me text messages DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE.

Oh, and fake Vancouver fan at the bar? You don’t make sense either.

“I’m from Oregon,” she said, batting her eyes.

THEN WHY THE FRICK DO YOU LIKE THE CANUCKS?

I have family in Oregon. And they HATE the Canucks.

Oregon, see, stupid batty eye girl, is not another country. It is another state. IN AMERICA. And, the guy that was talking to me just now? He was ridiculing me. RIDICULING THIS SPORT. You are not going to get any brownie points with Fratty McFratterson by pretending to be “into the rivalry.”

And I’m happy about this. Not because I want Fratty McFratterson to myself, mind you. Because you two would make some really stupid children. And the world has enough STUPID children growing up into STUPID adults. STUPID adults like you, MAXIM LAPIERRE.

But… and here’s something neat. I was soooooo stressed out by your ineptitude, hockey gods (that’s right. I’m blaming the gods for this one) that I quickly and succinctly finished ALLLLL my work for tomorrow. This is a big deal. You don’t understand. I make college all-nighters look lowkey. So. Now it’s 1:08 a.m. And I am about to watch Cheers on Netflix. You know. For the remainder of the night. In the morning, I will enjoy sunshine. I will go to the Farmer’s Market and imagine all that glorious sunshine melting that stupid Canadian ice. Then I will imagine you, Maxim Lapierre, sinking into a water hole in the ice and crying baby tears. And not just any baby tears, the tears of a baby whose friends make fun of him because at age three he wears headgear and smells like cheese. That kind of baby. You know, the kind that, at six-years-old, already knows he won’t have a date in ten years for prom. And his parents know it too. That’s why they make deals with other parents to get the baby invited to all the birthday parties. Stupid Maxim Lapierre.

Tonight, the United States, whether we are baseball fans or hockey fans, stand together.

Tonight, we fight Canada!

Cue the Pledge of Allegiance!

Seriously. Why isn’t your hand over your heart? Do you hate America?

Because JoJo Reyes does!

Do it for the troops, Boston!

Those wiley syrup makers are trying to take over, eh! They’ll bring their moose (the size of pickup trucks, I tell you!) and their hats and their bacon and their gravy fries. They’ll put wigs on our lawyers and Nickelback on our radios! Do you like Nickelback? Well, do you, punk?

Tonight… WE FIGHT!

(The author would like to point out that this is in no way representative of how she feels about Canada, a place she’s spent lots of time in, or, more specifically, Vancouver, her dream city, a place where, while she hopes their hockey team loses -and loses violently-, she hopes to retire in someday so she can watch the killer whales from her yacht -she will have a yacht- . She can prove it. She does speak French, after all, and has spent time utilizing this skill in Quebec. She just really, really, really hates your sports teams, Canada. Like, a lot. And she doesn’t actually like Ann Coulter. She is actually terrified of Ann Coulter and thinks she is the praying mantis of America.)

PS- Did you read this? Looks like our Bruins are getting the no-no from management about their apparel…

So, I lifted this gigantic dresser up my stairs today. I need to take a picture of these stairs and show you. Even someone with amazing shoulder muscles like Kevin Youkilis would have trouble He-manning these stairs.

I had help. An editor at my paper and I broke my wall (kind of), our faces (almost) and our dignity to get this thing up a narrow, narrow staircase, through a loft and into a bedroom.

It was dramatic.

See, Beckett, if I could do that, you could win this game for us.

The dresser>Detroit.

Like, really.

When I have the strength to push a button on a camera, I will totally show you.

This Verlander guy is smarmy. Can’t you tell? He has a swagger. Swaggers are stupid. He should drink a highlander. It would help with his swagger. Then he would be Verlander. With a Highlander. Working on his swagger.

Hah.

I am going to walk my puppy. Drink another beer. And splash cold water on my face like eight times.

I. Will. Be. Back. It is 9:46. Please do not let them do anything dumb.

—-

10:19. Painful… Where is our offense? Maybe they moved dressers today too. I hear it takes a lot out of you…