It's the heart beat. The rhythm. The quiver of Matthew Houck's voice that trembles the same as my confidence on this road to sobriety. The lyrics...as though they were stolen from own tongue and my own story. There are few songs that break me down as much as they build me up, and this one of them. It gives me courage while at the same time terrifying me. The visuals in the video of being chained to something are far, far too familiar. Be it love. Be it regret. Be it alcohol. We all have our cages.

Some say love is a burning thing That it makes a fiery ring Oh but I know love as a fading thing Just as fickle as a feather in a stream See, honey, I saw love, You see it came to me It puts its face up to my face so I could see Yeah then I saw love disfigure me Into something I am not recognizing

See the cage, it called. I said, come on in I will not open myself up this way again Nor lay my face to the soil, nor my teeth to the sand I will not lay like this for days now upon end You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand To be acknowledged by some touch from his gnarled hands You see the cage it called. I said, come on in I will not open myself this way again.

You see the moon is bright in that treetop night I see the shadows that we cast in the cold clean light I might fear I go and my heart is white And we race right out on the desert plains all night So honey I am now, some broken thing I do not lay in the dark waiting for day here Now my heart is gold, my feet are right And I'm racing out on the desert plains all night

So some say love is a burning thing That it makes a fiery ring All that I know love as a caging thing Just a killer come to call from some awful dream And all you folks, you come to see You just to stand there in the glass looking at me But my heart is wild, and my bones are steel And I could kill you with my bare hands if I was free

I Don't Want To Die Young

Addiction extinguishes the flame inside you. The one that sometimes burns brightly, and fuels everything of value: passion, creativity, drive, hope. I felt as though the fire inside me went out so long ago that all of those things went with it.

Connection

I struggle to connect with so many people and things. Alcohol is the one thing that is always ready, willing and waiting for me. Ready to numb all my connectors so I don't have to think and I don't have to care. And music. Music is always there to try and bring me back to life, or to help me lose myself even more...

The Dream Box: On Loss & Losing Grip

In 2012, I had found 'my calling'. I was helping people everywhere, using my god-given-talent and a lot of creativity. I was a philanthropist and I was changing lives around the world, making dreams come true. I was being featured on The Today Show. World News with Diane Sawyer. Here I am today, an alcoholic having dreams of losing my thumbs.