Protecting Christmas, with stinger missiles?

The idea of Christmas being 'under attack' is actually a reaction by white, Christian males to the knowledge that they will not always be the majority in the US, author says [GALLO/GETTY]

It's that most wonderful time of the year. The one we all wait for with frozen, yet baited breathe. Yes, you know of what I speak: The War on Christmas, of course.

For the uninitiated to this annual ritual, and the general 'goodwill-towards-men' glow emanating from your friendly culture-war prosecutors, this is the time of year when we stop to think about those less fortunate than ourselves. The downtrodden. The besmirched. The Christian white male.

Because if Christianity is going to be golden for every retailer this side of Istanbul during the month of December, then why can't its perennial persecution complex be ratings gold for corporate news stations? I think I answered my own question.

Of course, the whole thing is ridiculous. In a 2008 American Religious Identification Survey, 76 per cent of Americans self-identified as Christian. Meanwhile, only 1.6 per cent self-identified as "agnostic or atheist".

But you'd better not get that 1.6 per cent angry. To paraphrase Dr David Banner, who was always a moment's notice away from transforming into the dangerous Incredible Hulk, "you wouldn't like them when they're angry".

As reported by the fearless Raven Clabough at The New American ("the essential news source for freedom-loving Americans"), in a piece entitled "Atheists Continue War On Chrismas":

Last Christmas, the American Atheists targeted the Christmas holiday in a billboard just outside of the Lincoln Tunnel in Weehawken, New Jersey. The $20,000 billboard depicted the Nativity scene and read, "You KNOW it's a Myth. This season, celebrate reason."

My gosh, is there anything these people won't do?

Did you also know that Weekhawken, New Jersey is where Aaron Burr shot to death America's economic Godfather, Alexander Hamilton, during a duel in 1804? Picking that spot to put up their billboard... that's suspiciously anti-American of those atheists, if you ask me.

Obama vs Jesus

Then, there are our friends at The Media Research Centre (MRC), fresh off their expose of Ms Piggy's penchant for speaking Chinese and easy articulation of Trotskyism. Their "news" arm, CNSNews.com (see they even make it clear they're news in their name!), has found that the Christmas Tree in the Washington, DC "pays homage to Obama and not Jesus".

That's right, The 63-foot Sierra White Fir on the Capitol Grounds has an easily visible ornament that says "I Love Obama" (with a heart sign instead of the word "love", no less), but no ornament with either "Christmas" or "Jesus", "readily visible to a person standing near the tree's base".

Obviously, this is an outrage on par with the kidnapping of the Lindberg Baby or the divorce of Michaele and Tareq Salahi. So I'm sure glad the fine folks of the MRC are out there questioning everyone from the office of the Architect of the Capitol to the US Forest Service office in Tuolumne County, California (they sent the tree and ornaments to Washington) to right this injustice.

Of course, we all know what this is really about. It is the same culture of paranoia and resentment that is motivating the Tea Party, allows Rick Perry to actually speak in public and leads a bunch of whites guys to wave around guns on TV while talking about potential attacks on their person like its imminent, as opposed to statistically aberrant for people with their, um, "financial resources".

What this is about is that the Hispanic population is growing rapidly in the US. Regular church attendance is on the decline. And at some point in the not-too-distant future, white, Christian men will be a minority in this country. And we can't have that.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the rich traditions and varied cultural heritage that not only is my family, but this country. And this week I'll enjoy a special day, as I do every year, watching the smiles on my kids' faces as they open presents around our Christmas tree and join in songs with their family members. But they'll also be getting Hanukkah presents this week. And I might even finish that article I'm reading on the Arjuna before The New Year.

I'll also go the full Mitt Romney, and take $10,000 bets that Christmas will still be around next year, as will a vast majority of Americans celebrating the beauty and tradition of this wonderful holiday.

Cliff Schecter is the President of Libertas, LLC, a progressive public relations firm, and the author of the 2008 bestseller The Real McCain.