FINAL REPORT SHOWS AIR FRANCE CRASH A RESULT OF CRUMMY PILOTS

July 5 2012

Paris, France – Manned flight is perhaps, above everything else, the greatest example of the ability of man to overcome the strictures of nature. There are certainly more examples, examples far more important to our survival such as farming and medicine, but no example is so bold and audacious as taking human beings and sending them into the air.

Because we are quite literally flying in the face of nature in doing so, there are inherent risks involved in any kind of air travel. Though quite safe in relation to other forms of travel, when air travel does go wrong it goes very wrong and usually results in a whole lot of deaths.

That was the case for the ill-fated Air France flight AF447 which crashed off the coast of Brazil in 2009. That accident killed 228 people including all the crew and passengers when it plunged into the ocean. Now, three years later, a final report on what led to that tragedy has finally been released and it turns out it was all the result of having lousy pilots, pilots who of course died and are completely unable to defend themselves from accusations.

“The crew was in a state of almost total loss of control of the situation,” said chief investigator Alain Bouillard. “This accident results from an aeroplane being taken out of its normal operating environment by a crew that had not understood the situation. They never understood that the plane was in a stall.”

The flight crew were likely the first killed when the plane slammed into the water, taking with them all of their inexperience and ineptitude.

Airbus, the manufacturer of the plane, and Air France are also under investigation for the crash, something they hope will be alleviated by blaming the dead men.

“In any kind of incident like this there is always going to be a host of factors leading to the end result. Aircraft safety standards are so high, as evidence by the length of this investigation, that it is actually pretty difficult to crash a plane unless something falls off or, as was the case here, you just have lousy pilots,” said Scrape TV Airline analyst Jeffry Johnson. “Luckily we have things like this, these kinds of investigations, to try and uncover what exactly happened in order to prevent those things from happening again. I guess the best part of this particular story is that obviously these pilots won’t be flying again so at least we have that.”

Only partial human remains were recovered from the crash site and none of those belonged to the pilots meaning they were likely shredded on impact.

“The best way to avoid real liability in situations like this, clearly, is to place the blame firmly on someone else. Airbus and Air France have a lot to lose if they were blamed for this and really, honestly, the pilots don’t have a thing to lose being so dead and all so they are the perfect scapegoats, assuming of course no one thinks about who trained and employed them. Hopefully that will be forgotten,” continued Johnson. “Most of the time it seems these things are a result of pilot error which really just shows that pilots shouldn’t be doing these things, flying these planes, unless they are going to fly them properly. That means through the air and landing safely on the ground not slamming them into the ocean because, at least yet, we have not developed the kind of technology, or really the need for, that would allow a plane to become a submarine.”

It’s not clear if the pilots had made modifications on the plane to affect just such a result but if they did it would not have been approved officially.