Michelle Obama’s Trip to Target Was Basically a Lie

Our FLOTUS is very fortunate, because there is no Wall Street Insanity, in her world. Michelle Obama lives a much calmer existence, in a place where simple questions (“Where do fat people come from?”) have simple answers (“Arby’s”). So she is sometimes able to spend her time doing enjoyable things, like celebrating her wedding anniversary with Barack Obama, or going to the local Mom-and-Pop Target store to buy toothpaste and iPod accessories for Malia. But does she do these things for real, or for lies? LIES, IT’S ALL LIES is the answer, according to America’s shouting radio and teevee heroes. Why else would Michelle Obama walk around a Target store, besides the obvious reason of deception?

Our FLOTUS decided to leave the White House gates last week to go to Target. No one really knows what possessed her to do this, since at this point we would have to imagine she is tired of being accused of murdering everyone’s children and stealing all the tax money so she can build shrines to Allah across the globe. But at least we have expert Michelle Obama reporters stalkers like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck to explain to us why she would do such a thing.

Photos taken by an Associated Press photographer of first lady Michelle Obama strolling away from the checkout counter at a Target store in Alexandria circled the globe Friday. The images were unusual and striking, depicting the elegant first lady, in an unglamorous disguise, shopping at a discount store familiar to millions of Americans.

But almost as soon as the pictures hit televisions, newspapers and Web sites, the Obamas’ critics were raising suspicions, suggesting the trip was a calculated attempt to deflect criticism of the first lady’s more expensive tastes in vacations and wardrobe.

That “sentence” probably means something, to the listeners of Rush Limbaugh who suffer from a combination of out-of-control cholesterol, illiteracy and Tourette syndrome of the soul. But we do not understand these words, so English, please!

Neither the White House nor the Associated Press will say how AP photographer Charles Dharapak came to be the only news photographer present at the Alexandria Target to capture Obama’s shopping excursion.

“All I can say is that it was the result of good source work on his part,” AP spokesman Paul Colford said, declining to elaborate on the sources or the work involved.

A spokeswoman for Michelle Obama, Kristina Schake, also declined to discuss how the photographs came about. In a statement, she said, “It is not uncommon for the First Lady to slip out to run an errand, eat at a local restaurant or otherwise enjoy the city outside the White House gates.”

Oh Rush. Why does everything go back to being about you? Can't you leave your ten fake marriages out of it for once?

baconzgood

Sounds like words to a Pink Floyd song to me. Or somthing off Sgt. Peppers when they gave Ringo a bunch of acid and let him sing instead of park thier cars or get them coffee or what ever else they made him do so he could stay in the band.

mormos

Ringo held the band together long enough for us to get the White Album, Abbey Road, and Let It Be. So lay off!

baconzgood

I have a feeling Ringo was the one that they'd all give pink bellies to to pass the time when they were bored on tour.

BaldarTFlagass

Ringo only has Paul left to beat in the Mortality Sweepstakes. Given that he's been married to Barbara Bach for 30 years and has a place in Monte Carlo, I give Ringo the Win. Fuck a Knighthood.

PalinzADummy

Drum.

http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

Rusty is a wounded child, screaming for his pacifier.

MittsHairHelmet

"Phony-baloney plastic banana good-time rock-and-roller" is the name of Rush Limbaugh's favorite dildo.

But it jumped the shark when they brought in Cousin Aiko. Why do they do that? Do they really think it will reinvigorate an aged show?

Bots Meat Commission

It's even better than REGGAE HAIRSTYLE ROCK AND ROLL.

PalinzADummy

So, you didn't like Vermilion Pleasure Nights, is what you're saying?

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

suggesting the trip was a calculated attempt to deflect criticism of the first lady’s more expensive tastes

Because there's no evidence like.. no evidence.

Your move, Wayne LaPierre.

SorosBot

And even though the only "criticism of the first lady's more expensive tastes" has been complete bullshit from the very same wingnut talking heads that no one who matters should pay any attention to.

NorthStarSpanx

Am I the only one here to actually think Target is a bit pricey for crap?

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

I think Blair's "mom n' pop Target store' crack indicates the contradiction-in-terms nicely.
i.e. no you're not the only one; God invented Target to help peeps do their hyped and hyper-overrated junk shopping in an elevated, celebrated environment and feel like the stuff they're loading onto mounting credit card bills is justified.
And don't get me started on the dumbed down Alessi teakettle knockoffs/ Michael-Graves-sellout trend of stoopidity.

Goonemeritus

Impeach the Obama’s start a boycott of Target and demand a sincere apology from all communists everywhere.

proudgrampa

Oh, for fuck's sake.

LEAVE MICHELLE ALONE!!!!1!!

PalinzADummy

You tell 'em. I'll kick their asses when they don't listen.

Jesus transmogrifyin' Christ, these people are so fucking pathetic. Where is their venom against our wonderful FLOTUS coming from?

SexySmurf

I would accuse Limpballs of being back on the Hillbilly Heroin, but that would imply he had stopped.

axmxz

Phony-Baloney Plastic Banana Good-Time Rock-and-Roll haven't been half as good since they got on mainstream radio.

BaldarTFlagass

Michelle actually prefers shopping at Dollar General. "I don't have to get all dressed up like I'm going to Walmart or Sizzler," she reportedly said.

Lucidamente1

I'll take Famous People for $200, Alex.

"Phony-baloney plastic banana good-time rock-and-roller."

What do Thai child prostitutes call Rush Limbaugh?

That is correct!

GregComlish

Translation:

If Michelle Obama goes to the Target in Columbia Heights then she's pandering to the minority vote. If Michelle Obama goes to the Target in Alexandria then she's pretending that she's white. If Michelle Obama stays home it's because she's a fancy pants who thinks she's too good for everyone else.

axmxz

In short, if Michelle Obama anything, then she's still black, so fail.

LesBontemps

In short, if Michelle Obama anything, then she'sher husband's still black, Kenyan and mooslin, so fail.

/Fixed

PalinzADummy

If that was all it was, I might be a little less venomous about the whole thing. No, these MOTHERFUCKIN' fathersuckin' child-diddlin' sons-of-sows hate our gorgeous, brilliant, warm, wonderful First Lady with the heat of a thousand suns. I have no idea why. Presidential spouses and families have generally been exempt from this kind of bullshit. The fucking RWNJs have gone right around the bend and lost every last shred of decency and humanity. Miserable pricks.

HELisforHEL

So true. She's fabulous, has class, is intelligent and suffers the slings & arrows with aplomb. Hmmm, yeah, what are we thinking? Of course they hate a woman with those qualities–especially one who's BLACK.

PalinzADummy

That's the only thing I can think of. The only reason to hate her is racial prejudice. Because she didn't spend $1.25 MILLION on Lenox china for the WH, unlike Nancy Reagan. Or raise two drunken hellions, unlike Laura Bush. She's never even fought back, like Hillary Clinton did. It makes me furious.

finallyhappy

If she comes to the Target in Wheaton, she must not want to find whatever was in the weekly ad- but the parking is good.

she should've dressed up in fighter pilot costume. rush would've been fully supportive.

Generation[redacted]

The sign above Target: "SAVINGS ACCOMPLISHED"

jus_wonderin

Well, that sign would have made more sense than the other one.

Graham Cracker

Do they have a Target on the USS Carl Vinson?

Callyson

phony-baloney plastic banana
Is that going to be Ricky's excuse if Hustler finds evidence? The 10's version of "wide stance"?
good-time rock-and-roller
He was hoping for some blues perhaps?
optic photo op
As opposed to a psychedelic photo op, I take it?
JFC, this Limpballs rant is even less coherent than usual…

JoshuaNorton

She'd probably even go to Walmart if they all didn't smell like ass.

baconzgood

First lady a confidante in chief who misses strolls in Target

Who the fuck misses going to Target? The one by my house is grody and smells like Naugahyde. HOW THE FREAK DOES IT SMELL LIKE NAUGAHYDE? THERE IS NOTHING MADE OF NAUGAHYDE IN THE PLACE?!?!

finallyhappy

The Naugas are extinct but perhaps there is a Nauga scented glade fragrance oil

Radiodead

You know who else liked Targets?

SorosBot

William Tell?

SexySmurf

I think you mean, "You know who else liked Surveyor Marks?"

MozakiBlocks

Sarah Palin? Oh did you mean the stores? Ok, same answer…

Poindexter718

William S. Burroughs?

elviouslyqueer

DAMN YOU.

proudgrampa

Now THAT was cold…

But well played, sir.

Generation[redacted]

Dick Cheney, though he should have spent more time with them.

elviouslyqueer

William Burroughs, except for that one unfortunate incident with his wife in Mexico City?

BarackMyWorld

Megatron (before stupid Michael Bay turned him into a jet)?

BaldarTFlagass

What does Calvin Johnson have to do with Michael Bay?

baconzgood

Homer Simpson?

not that Dewey

Middle management?

Beowoof

Wayne LaPierre

Lascauxcaveman

Oh man, I loved the 'Targets. Definitely the waviest of the great Seattle new-wave bands back in the early '80's.

PalinzADummy

Duh, HITLER.

GhostBuggy

That AP photographer also has a brown-sounding name. Obviously, he was in on our Nazi Muslim FLOTUS' conspiracy to obtain household items IN THE PUBLIC, WHERE THE WHITES SHOP.

yrbmegr

Obviously Michelle was out buying clothes for the reanimated corpse of Vladimir Lenin.

Negropolis

Well, then the least she could do is go to the more age-appropriate Sears.

CommieLibunatic

This is the same crowd that blasts Barry for being either too elitist, but then turn around and blast him for using a goddamned paper clip. Just no pleasing some people, I guess.

So in the non-Photoshopped photo the FLOTUS is hysterically and nakedly dragging herself through the negro streets of alexandria at dawn? (Let's forget about the starving part.)

powersuit

Dean and I took the Ford and we moved it out of town as fast as we could, rolling over the asphalt toward Green River like Bedouins across the Sahara but faster man, faster than all of that, fast like kestrels across the farm fields, fast like phony-baloney plastic banana good-time rock-and-roller optic photo ops . . .

excerpt, On the Road, Jack Kerouac (1st draft)

http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

Carl Solomon! I'm with you in Rockland,
where you pose for phony-baloney plastic banana good-time rock-and-roller optic photo ops

Actually makes more sense in that context.

baconzgood

Yeah but most people only know the first part. Besides maybe troll will google it and actually like beat poets….NAAAAAH.

http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

No no, I meant it made more sense than in Rush's context. You could plug it into just about any part of Howl or some of Ginsberg's other poems and it would make more sense than in Rush's context.

I think we're missing the good news in all of this: Rush Limbaugh is clearly back on drugs.

Lascauxcaveman

TARGET LIBEL!!!!!!

(I'm… I'm not doing this right, am I?)

HistoriCat

Bless your heart.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

Target has stuff for guys too. Like Beer, Sausage and the kind of video games where you run around and shoot people in the face.

widestanceshakedown

I bet Rush even knows what she stole while there (cuz you know she did).

PalinzADummy

Well, of course. She wouldn't'a worn that disguise otherwise.

It's just how the culludz do.

widestanceshakedown

And, PAD, let's not even get started about N-head. That would have and should have been an instant disqualifier, but we both know Perry will sail forth unfazed in today's GOP.

PalinzADummy

Argh. Just AAAAARRRGGGHH.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

I have one more important observation about Target:

They just opened a new Super Target in the fancy schmancy part of town and have staffed it exclusively with snotty hair twirling girls that look down on everybody. It's like they're all in training to work at Macy's someday.

SoBeach

If Limbaugh ever had to look one of his targets in the eye and repeat the shit he says I honestly believe he would piss himself.

Come here a minute

Holy cow, Rush seems to have gotten hooked up with a new maid to provide him with relief from the pain of everyday life.

http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Ayn Rand Paul Tard

I don't get it. Is this supposed to be like some alleged alibi while her evil twin sabotaged all the Hoverounds at the factory? Is there going to be a run on Target now from this act of reverse psychology counter-capitalism?

SayItWithWookies

Hey, Rush is completely impartial — remember when he criticized the previous president for going to Iraq that Thanksgiving and then strolling around the mess hall with a giant plastic turkey pretending he was gonna feed everyone? Or was I just having some sort of extended metaphor?

The asians are required since the real Yellow Roses found the name on the rock a bit off-putting.

PalinzADummy

Only at Teh Wonketz do people even know who the real Yellow Rose of Texas was.

Antispandex

In other Teapublican news; Rush is nearly certain that it was Michelle, or one of her operatives, that planted the Oxy and Viarga on him. Cantor is expected to introduce a bill today to keep the FLOTUS away from the luggage of all right-wing sex tourists.

Some of my best friends are phony-baloney plastic banana good-time rock-and-rollers.

lochnessmonster

Rush and Beck must never have heard of papparazzi…

smitallica

Yes, but Bush clearing brush every weekend for eight years (when he wasn't golfing or royally fucking something up) was completely legitimate and not in any way done for the cameras.

http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

This is exactly like the NRA thing – Obama is definitely planning to eliminate the dollar and replace it with the Amero and build a Mexico-Canada monrail. By sending Michelle to the store, she provides EXACTLY the cover that a president who DIDN't plan to do these things would do….

Negropolis

Michelle has stated any number of times that she lurves her some Target. Michelle needs to stick a ripe, nutritious, red apple in that piggys mouth to shut him the fuck up, already.

Aren't both of these fucker's deaf, yet?

Negropolis

I'm always so jealous of Target. Michigan gave the world K-Mart, which has become a national embarrassment. Shopping at Kmart is like shopping at a funeral. The workers in the aisles look like zombies, and the cashiers couldn't care less about you. Half the stores square footage is used for storage, their dingy…it's so fucking sad.

ttommyunger

Poor Rush. He knows our FLOTUS would simply giggle if she ever got a peek at his turtle-headed little gherkin. In fact, white women laugh at Rush, for all kinds of reasons; especially the five or six who live high on the hog on his alimony payments. They aren't the first or the last to suffer a tiny dick now for big checks later.

ndisang67

Michele shopping at Target…..Lenin would turn in his grave…

ndisang67

if Michele is a " phony-baloney plastic banana good-time rock-and-rollers"…then that's what i want my wife to be…

http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

Today, we are all phoney baloney plastic banana good time rock and rollers.