Shanghai Releases Alligators into Huangpu River to Deal with Dead Pigs

SHANGHAI — To combat the rising number of dead pigs floating in the Huangpu River, the Shanghai municipal government has approved plans to release 200 endangered Chinese alligators into the waterway upstream to devour the pig carcasses before they reach the city.

“This is a big win for everyone,” said Shanghai deputy mayor Zhang Yueran. “Not only will the alligators eliminate the dead pig problem, we are also restoring them to their natural habitat.”

When asked about what will happen when there are no pigs and only alligators left, Zhang replied: “Not to worry, the water is so toxic that the alligators are expected to die within two months.”

“If not,” he continued, “we will release anacondas into the river to deal with the alligators.”

He then paused for a moment.

“And if the anacondas take over, then we’ll inundate the tributary with piranhas. And if the Huangpu becomes piranha territory, we’ll just dump a couple barrels of arsenic at the source of the river and start over.”

“Needless to say,” he hastened to add, “drinking water will be unaffected.”