How to Introduce Bondage to Your Relationship

A lot of the stigma about bondage has evaporated in recent years and there are many curious lovers looking for a new way to enjoy sexual experiences with their partners.

Bondage can be soft, sensual and romantic - as well as kinky and intensely thrilling. The simple act of restraining your lover offers new physical experiences and an intensified feeling of trust and closeness.

Seen as an art form by many who practice some of the more elaborate methods of restraint, bondage encompasses a wide range of bedroom activities, from blindfolding your partner to binding their wrists and ankles.

If you've ever wanted to try light bondage, this guide will show you how to bring up the topic and where to start.

Above: One of the biggest challenges couples face when deciding to try bondage is knowing how to broach the subject. In this video, Jess Wilde gives you her top tips for asking to try bondage (without your lover running for the nearest door!)

How to bring up the subject

There is a lot that can be said for the element of surprise, but don't spring bondage on your partner. Being tied up can make some people panic, so it's important you speak to your partner about your desires and limits first.

Discussing new ideas with your partner can be scary, and a lot of us neck the booze and drunkenly chance a suggestion. This technique often works for other sexual adventures, but heed the warning: bondage and alcohol do not mix. Where restraint is involved, you become responsible for your lover's safety as well as their pleasure.

When speaking to your partner, be sure to ask open questions so as to gain some insight into their point of view and their feelings about trying bondage for the first time.

These are good ways to bring up the subject:

I've got a fantasy where one of us is in charge during sex. What do you think?

How would you feel about playing with a blindfold when we go to bed?

How would you feel if we looked on Lovehoney for some handcuffs and things for the bedroom?

Talking through this kind of fantasy helps you to relate better as a couple but can also expand your own thoughts on the subject, explain your feelings which allows them to empathise and even elaborate on your fantasy.

If either of you are worried about the idea of incorporating bondage in your sex life, you shouldn't be afraid say so and explain why. Consider your reasons and openly discuss them with your partner. You may find that during discussion, you too become curious but as with anything in a partnership, bondage is not for everyone. You shouldn't feel bad if you are not interested in bondage when your partner is, but equally understand that your partner's desires are valid.

If you decide you might like to give bondage a go, it's worth thinking about what exactly you would like to try before you invest in any bondage equipment to make sure your purchases are matched to your needs.

Think about the following questions:

Are you looking to enhance foreplay and sensory play?

Do you or your partner have a preference as to who should be tied up or do you want to take it in turns?

Are you happy being locked into restraints or do you want to be able to escape if you want to?

Trying bondage for the first time

Once you're fired up, you'll be ready to invest in your first bondage equipment. Wrist and ankle restraints and a blindfold are ideal for your first time. This will allow you to experiment with restraint and the blindfold will not only bring in an element of sensory play, it will also alleviate any butterflies you have about trying bondage for the first time.

The great news is that bedroom bondage kits usually contain these staple items and are great value for money, allowing you to experiment with different toys without investing in a vast array of equipment.

If the look of bondage gear is a little heavy for your tastes, there are plenty of alternatives to the traditional leather and buckles championed by hardcore enthusiasts. The Tease by Lovehoney Luxury Bondage Kit is soft but strong and a great starting point for your bondage adventure. Each item comes with full instructions, so you'll be confident you know what you're doing.

If you do want something more heavy duty, Bondage Boutique have a great Under the Bed Restraint System which sits under the mattress of your bed and allows you to bind both wrists and legs if desired. This system allows easy release, but at the same time they're sturdy enough to survive being pulled on.

If the idea of tying your partner up appeals but you're not confident enough to tie your own knots, there's something for you too. Tease by Lovehoney Bondage Tape sticks to itself so you can bind wrists, ankles and just about any body part any way you like.

As with any sexual exploration, the limits are set by your imagination and once you take the plunge and start experimenting with tying and being tied, you'll find your daydreams run wild with all manner of alluring bondage scenarios.

The only rule to remember is to keep play safe. Ensure that the safety of you and your partner is top of your agenda before you reach for the ropes and shackles. Ensure that they are able to communicate if anything is wrong and that you are familiar with the restraints and how to unfasten them before you put them to full use. Read more about bondage safety techniques.

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