Monday, February 8, 2016

"Your biggest source of happiness can be your greatest pain too because then you constantly live in the fear of losing them."

Read something like this a few days back and have been pondering ever since. And every single day i experienced and felt it. There are certain people we love deeply and their mere mention brings a bright smile. But the deeper this feeling the bigger is the fear of loosing them. That constant feeling of not having them around anymore or that heart wrenching thought of them leaving this world or just forgetting you and going away. There is a weird kind of painful feeling that takes over. You love them. You care for them. You adore them. But the fear lingers on at the back of your mind. And that at times makes you behave in unexpected ways. That fear, that pain makes you say things you know are only a passing thought fed by painful thoughts. And the more you let those feelings feed your thought process, the worse it all gets. And before you know that biggest happiness is not part of your life anymore. And that's exactly what i dread the most.
There are just a few people i love deeply and care for. They are my biggest or rather only happiness in life. But I constantly dread loosing them. I live in that fear day in day out. I always doubt that they will leave and go away. It's a vicious cycle. The more you worry the worse it feels. And this eventually reflects in your behavior. Apparently, it has nothing to with your trust in that person. I trust them with my life. I believe what is important here is to not let that fear stop you from loving them as much as you do.

We all need to live with certain amount of fear and faith. I guess they go hand in hand.