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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I can't even find the words to describe all the happiness this last week has brought me. First there was the finalizing of my divorce last Friday, which I already wrote about, then there's the fact that the Spring Semester is FINALLY over!!!!! But this next bit of ecstatic happiness is the uber reason for this post. However, for y'all to fully understand, I'm going to need to include a bit of a back-story.

(taken from a journal entry I wrote a couple weeks ago)Something that's been weighing on my mind a lot lately is the topic of Familiars. I used to have one. I didn't get to have her very long and, considering the way my life was going for the longest time, maybe it was a mixed blessing. At least when she died, she still belonged to me. I didn't have to suffer the grief of having to rehome her because many things 'caused me and mine to have to be homeless and living like gypsies for almost two years.

Tippy was my first-ever Mother's Day present. Honestly, she was probably the most thoughtful thing my ex ever did for me. I wasn't expecting anything for Mother's Day that year. We were dirt poor. So when my ex came in briefly on his lunch break on that day in May, 2005 with something behind his back and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hands, I thought maybe he'd gotten me one of those brownies from the nearby 7-Eleven that I liked so much. Instead, what I got was a feeling of a tiny, soft, furry body. She was a tiny little black kitten with little white paws and ankle socks on her back feet. When she was a baby, she had a little tip of white on her tail, hence her name Tippy.

Tippy was wholeheartedly MY baby. I'd never had a cat so devoted to me. She would even come running to me when I'd call her. One time she got out of the apartment and went into the pool area (which was closed off). My ex tried to get her to come to him by calling her and she just sat there staring at him like "And what?" I went outside, crouched down, and called for her and she came trotting to me as eagerly as one would expect a puppy to do. That was when I first realized the bond we had.

Tippy loved me unconditionally, even when I wasn't such a great human being. I'm ashamed to say that there was a long stretch of time where I didn't really appreciate her or treat her as I should have. There were so many things going on at that time, though I don't see any of them as being excuses for me. But she loved me anyway. And yes, I did manage to get my head out of my ass. I just wish I'd done it sooner.

I didn't have Tippy for a full year before she was hit by a car one night while my ex and I were off visiting a friend of his. She died almost a month exactly after he and I had moved to Oklahoma City from Texas. Tippy died March 10, 2006 just a couple weeks before my daughter was born. It's been 7 years and I still miss her terribly. I've often wondered if Tippy might someday come back to me.

Thoughts like this have especially been prevalent as of late. I follow the Pooka Pages magazine for Pagan children and back towards the end of March, Pooka -- the Familiar of Lora, the gal who runs the mag -- passed away. He died March 25. My heart absolutely broke for Lora 'cause I remember all too well the grief I went through when I lost Tippy.

Lora wrote a story about Pooka's passing for the Beltane issue of the Pooka pages and holy crap, I cried my eyes out. (You can find it on the Pooka Pages Facebook page. I'm sorry I don't have a more direct link)But Lora, even then, knew that her Pooka kitty would come back to her. And Pooka didn't waste any time in doing so. A few days ago, I saw a Facebook status on the Pooka Pages Team page and OMG!! She found him again!

"Hey Team - I FOUND HIM!!!! And just wait til you here the story behind it: Pooka died on Monday evening, March 25. I lay in his cage at the vets and he walked over and lay down with me, his chin resting on my arm, his front leg draped over the arm. “You have to go away for a while, Pooks,” I told him, “but I need you to come back to me. You have to come back soon. I can’t be without you, my little heartbeat kitty.” He purred and gazed into my eyes.His little ghost was at my side for 3 days. Then, suddenly, on the evening of the 28th, I felt him leave. The next day, March 29th, was my birthday and such a lonely, sad day it was.But I absolutely knew he’d already found another body and that he’d be born almost immediately and very close by. But how would I find him? Neither our town nor any of the surrounding towns have animal shelters or even pet stores where I might look.I started scanning the ads in the papers for kittens. There were none. I checked Craig’s List online. Nothing in our area. Zip. Nada. It looked like I’d just have to wait for him to wander onto my front porch some day….Then, by chance, I noticed an animal rescue facility located in a house a few blocks down the street from me! I’d never known it was there. I called the number and explained that I was looking for a black, male kitten that was 4 weeks old.“Oh honey,” said the lady on the phone, “we mostly get grown cats - hardly ever kittens and especially not that young. We do have an 8 month old female who’s very sweet.”“No, I’m looking for a black male born about 4 weeks ago,” I said.“Well, you never know,” she told me, “so let me take your number just in case.”A few days later, she called. “You’re not going to believe this,” she said, “but we just got a litter of 5 kittens dropped off. Four tabby females and one black male. And he’s exactly 4 weeks old because they were born March 29th.”What a clever and magical cat Pooka is … and now we even share the same birthday!"

Reading that status made my heart ache in a way that's very bittersweet. I am SO happy that Lora has Pooka back! I just looked at the Facebook page and she posted a picture of him and OMG I absolutely melted!! I'm so happy for her and Pooka! But, admittedly, I'm jealous. I still miss Tippy so much :'( I'm not jealous in a bad way, please don't misunderstand. I just wish so much that she comes back to me!

Honestly? I think she's just waiting. I think she knew at the time that things in my life would not be right for her to come back so soon. But now things have settled down A LOT and I have been DESPERATELY wanting to get a cat again. I think that she just might be coming back to me soon and I think this time around is going to go a LOT better than it did last.

I think I might do a little ritual to ask her to come back to me. I think she might have been waiting for me to call for her. I think she's been waiting for me to be ready for us to be reunited.

I never got to work with Tippy as a Familiar or anything. But I have no doubts that she was my Familiar. I knew it through the bond that we shared and the love that she gave. She was no ordinary cat and I have no doubts that if she does come back to me, she would be a powerful magickal partner as well as the extraordinary friend that she was the last time she was alive.

So, there you have it.

Now, I didn't end up having to do any elaborate ritual to call her back to me. As I mentioned, I think she's been waiting for me and for things in my life to be ready and Pooka's death and reincarnation was a way that she could get the message across for me to look for her.

Well, guys, I found her! After reading the whole story of what happened to Pooka, it felt like I'd been smacked over the head with a neon sign and I'd been on the lookout ever since. That bit earlier was written on April 30. It took me having to deal with some frustrations (i.e. one guy who'd posted about 3 black kittens on Craigslist blew me off the day I was supposed to go look at them.) However, when I had my meltdowns of desperate despair, Druid was right here with me to remind me that it will work out when it's meant to and to try not to be so impatient.

It paid off today :-) I found her!!!! And she is home!! :-D, though she is called Holly in this life instead of some odd pet name. :3 I will post pics tomorrow!

I'll write more later. It's uber late and I am having a really hard time staying awake at my laptop. LoL!!