Friday, December 30, 2011

I've been unexpectedly silent during the month of December. Totally surprised me. Usually, I find the Christmas season to be so full, full of promise, full of expectation, full of beauty, that I find the need to share many of my thoughts.

But not this year.

This December has been a very unsettled time for me and our whole family. Nothing bad happened; there was no tragedy, sad news, or other such event.

It is just a time of enormous uncertainty and change for us. And I don't do well with that. For the sake of situations that are on-going, I am not going into details. But trust me when I say there are major, life-changing decisions being made here.

Today I was reminded by how thankful I am for the fact that God knows my future, he is in total control of my present, he has walked me through every moment of my past. Because some days it feels like all of it is just spinning out of my hands and control.

At the front of your mind, you must be asking: Oh no, did something happen with their adoption? Well, the answer is yes and no.

At the beginning of the month we were blessed to receive a $2500 matching grant from Lifesong for Orphans. I am putting together a post on that for the next day or so. What an enormous blessing! With great anticipation we mailed out our Christmas cards/fundraising letters. We are blessed by those who have responded, but God is also teaching us great patience. He holds all things. . .

Did anything else happen? Well no. We thought there was supposed to be a pairing meeting in December, but that didn't materialize. And we have no word on when one might be. So again, we wait while we learn more about patience.

But, we have received the disheartening news that it is highly unlikely that we will receive siblings during this process. This is a painful blow to us. For Eric and I, our commitment has ALWAYS been biological siblings. But a "highly unlikely" event is not impossible one, because my God is a God of miracles. We are left to wonder what is to happen, running many "what ifs", trying to predict an unknown future, knowing we won't know anything until we do.

There is a great burden on my heart for prayer: prayer for me and Eric as we make some major decisions, prayer for our kids: the ones who are waiting, the brother and sister pair that are "highly unlikely", the ones that are already residents of our heart. Would you join me in this prayer, for a miracle beyond many's beliefs: that God has two kids age 4 and younger waiting for us in Lesotho? We are so willing to be flexible, but there are so many hoops, paperworks, uncertainty, but we want to hear God's clear voice as to how we wait.