RHONY Recap: The Berkshits

Wow-wee! Where do I even begin? Scary Island may have been surpassed tonight in the Berkshires. The ladies picked up where they left off last week, with the great Skinnygirl name debate. Bethenny, once again, tactfully informed Luann that she, in fact, came up with Skinnygirl on her own. We get it…let’s move on. Obviously too much to ask for. Luann moved on & asked B about her personal life, to which Bethenny clammed up. B then got up & moved around the table to Ramona’s side & proceeded to unleash her pent up rage towards Luann. By the way, Luann was on the other side of Ramona. #shehasears You know it’s bad when Ramona is trying to shush someone. Lu might have pushed the wrong button by saying that B’s hair looks like hers (it kinda does).

Normally, I am #TeamBethenny, but she came to the Berkshires guns blazing & aimed right at Luann. She really let Luann have it, multiple times. She voiced everyone’s past grievances (I think only one point was B’s) towards Lu & screeched until her throat was raw. Here’s the deal, I don’t think you get to unleash on someone about issues that: a) aren’t your own. b) in the past c) may or may not be true. I feel like B aired a bunch of dirty laundry, threw Sonja under the bus unnecessarily with Luann, slut-shamed Lu, & made everyone else uncomfortable. If you’re mad at someone just confront them about the specific issue at that time, in this case Lu’s claims towards SG’s name sake, there are zero advantages to bringing up the past that you have supposedly moved on from.

Dorinda felt bad, as she saved Sonja from the line of fire, but put Lu right in the cross-hairs of B’s sniper. Bethenny fought her Skinnygirl battle, Carole’s Adam fiasco, & Ramona’s Tom gossip – all as absolute truth. I think she should take a closer look at those sources. Ramona is rarely telling the whole truth, & Carole can’t seem to put her big girl panties on… Meanwhile, Carole arrived amidst the fighting, called Luann a man based on the first voice she heard, & gushed over Dorinda’s holiday decor. Back at the Bitch Sesh, Ramona was pissed that Luann is now dating her sloppy seconds, Tom. Shouldn’t she be mad at Dorinda for setting them up if she really was so hot & heavy with him? i would think that D & Ro, being such good friends, would have discussed Ramona’s relationship with Tom. Ro is just upset that Lu got the man. My verdict is that no “Girl Code” was broken here because apparently Harry & Tom are the only single men in NYC, so the pickings are slim. Geez!

Carole was upset that she didn’t know that Luann would be at Grey Stone Manor. If I remember correctly, Dorinda did mention to her, at Bethenny’s caviar party, that Lu would be there. Remember the whole conversation about protecting each other? At this point Carole needs to move on, it’s saying more about her than Luann now. #pettymuch Meanwhile, in every room someone is talking about somebody else. The haircut is brought up over, & over, & over; this is not the real issue, so why are we still talking about this??? Once again B goes off about the past. #scaryislandmuch This all happened before the first commercial break…just so you know.

Wouldn’t you love to be Dorinda’s house keeper during all this? Staying out of the fray, but witnessing it all first hand. I wish she had a confessional. Dorinda & Carole are upstairs, & Dorinda is stressing over the situation. Carole, blindly defending B, says that she shouldn’t have invited Lu. Ummm, up to this getaway, the only person with an issue with Lu was Carole. This shtick is getting old…seeing a new side of Carole that I’m not loving. Back downstairs, B is “sick of the way Luann lives.” Bethenny, you don’t get a fucking say in how Lu lives! Sonja may have said that Luann brings guys home every night, but Ramona repeated it to you…so clearly it’s unbiased in Ro’s favor, right? Out on the front porch, Jules is trying to check in on her “dying father.” Luann went out for a cig (now we know where the voice comes from), & kept interrupting her call to complain about being slut-shamed. I have to say, Lu was wrong for bringing up her bullshit at that moment, but if her dad is really that sick then Jules should never have been there go home.

Dorinda, as a good host, should have shut this down at the dining table, but was distracted by Carole’s late arrival. This would never go on for so long in the South. Lu should leave D alone, but I do agree that Dorinda needs to shut the petty drama down…or send them all home. Jules & Dorinda are just so glad the drama has nothing to do with them for once. Ramona is happy about it too! Upstairs, all the girls are giggling in a room, like “a good old fashioned slumber party.” In walks Luann to announce that she was leaving – crickets. Oddly Ramona tried to make the peace. Down in the kitchen, Lu & Ro are laughing about the fact that Luann thought the weekend was for Dorinda’s birthday party & the cake even says it’s so. Dorinda overhears this, & majorly over reacts. That is really her M.O…tonight it was B’s too. Their blow-ups were disproportionate to the situation. Luann, being Luann, didn’t make matters any better. The old broad loves to bring up past issues over & over again. Dorinda yammered on & on about not dragging her mother into this, blah, blah, blah. They only mentioned that the cake said “Happy Birthday Dorinda.”

Meanwhile, Luann can’t drop the slut thing from B. Luann’s lesson for the night should be to let it go. Bethenny needs to simmer down, & Dorinda should “Tttaaakkkee a Xanax!” as Ro would yell say. Ro & Lu apologize for disparaging the cake. Once again Luann can’t drop the slut thing, thus null & voiding her apology. Being slut-shamed is no excuse for bad behavior to your host. She totally quoted one of her songs. Attempting to get the Slumber Party back on track, Jules brought games, which according to Carole is very Asian of her. Jules noticed that Ramona’s dog’s shit is all over the house. Clearly this is a metaphor for the night. The house keeper brought Bethenny some herbal tea called Easy Now – HILARIOUS. My favorite moment of the night.

Back in the City, we finally meet up with Sonja. She is getting her “Trouty Snatch” tightened. We may never fully recover from witnessing this. Like we really believe that Sonja was afraid of the big wand…she’s not Sonja with a Sexy J for nothing.

Back in the Berkshits, Dorinda decided to take a break to watch Law & Order, while the drama continued to unfold. This is where I switch from #TeamLuann to #TeamEveryoneElse. Carole claims that Luann is making everyone uncomfortable, which is partially true (B had a part in that too), but Carole can’t bring herself to clink her glass with Lu’s during the cheers. Her reasoning you ask? Because she doesn’t respect her. Really, REALLY? Why make an issue out of something so inconsequential as a toast? Immature. Uncomfortable. Awkward. Get glad in the same britches you got mad in. With that in mind, Carole & Jules hid in a closet to eavesdrop on Ramona & Luann; while at Ramona’s encouragement, God that’s terrifying, Luann texted Carole to apologize for calling her a pedophile (last year). Fun fact: we learned that wealthy people wallpaper the inside of their closets…plan to do that immediately. During this scene, we also learned that the women are no Spelling Bee champs! Is it just me, or does it seem like Luann is stalking everyone through the house? Awkward.

Upstairs, D & B have a girl talk…Jules & Carole joined. This was the least uncomfortable moment in the entire episode; they were even speaking about going down on another woman. Downstairs in the kitchen, Ramona prompted Lu to text apologize to B. To Bethenny, it was a “pimple on the ass of the situation.” Gross analogy, but hilarious all the same. The girls decided Luann is not to be trusted. Seriously, what is with the texting? I Luann had to text her apologies because Bethenny & Carole were avoiding her like the plague. With Dorinda, Luann complains that Ramona is unhappy, jealous of her, & on a mission to ruin her friendships. B overheard this & assumed it was about her…

To Be Continued…

My favorite tweets from the night:

What did y’all think of this week’s episode? Scary Island level of amazing, right?

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2 thoughts on “RHONY Recap: The Berkshits”

Well done. I love B, but she was off the rails wrong with this one. Perhaps she was thrown by LuLu’s calm demeanor. She wails and other people wail back but that man (love that) was calm. BTW my fathers dying-well she called me a whore! Ramona was the sane one and that’s fffig scary. Dorina house is collapsing around her and she chooses to watch Law and Order.This shit IS too good for color TV!