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Sarah Palin Even Lies About Lipstick! (Maybe)

Oh dudes here is a SCURRILOUS RUMOR we just received, possibly from somebody in America’s Meth/Tattoo Capital of Wasilla, Alaska. The email is, uh, difficult to follow. But the central claim is this: Sarah Palin doesn’t even put that lipstick on her mouth, because it’s a TATTOO. Oh jesus christ, she is so gross, especially if this is true.

Here’s the email. We appreciate the tip, of course, but it’s odd to see someone completely bungle a simple email:

Notes: Sarah’s sister in-law owns a beauty parlor in Wasilla…apparently Sarah’s lip liner is tattooed on…not sure what to do with that one.

leak to wonkette

What follows are the names and home/cell numbers of two women (Michelle and Mary) who apparently live in Wasilla and, uh, keep notes of their conversations, and conclude, naturally, that “leak to wonkette” is the answer to pretty much any question. And then a different person sends us these weird notes. And they spell “Palin” wrong.

Anyway! Take that, everybody! There is no lipstick involved. Sarah Palin’s offensive speech at the RNC, in which she claimed to be a dog who played hockey and wore lipstick, is a stinking lie, maybe, because these are the kind of people who think it’s fine to TATTOO THEIR MOUTHS.

We were going to do some “internet research” on this, but there are like 5,000 “beauty parlors” in Wasilla, all with names like “Country Cutts” and “Legally Blonde” and “Hello Gorgeous” and “Prima Facie,” which is listed as a place that does “permanent lip liner” and now its website is mysteriously GONE FROM THE INTERNET so Sarah Palin had all these people killed and now they’re buried in the rocks, in the gravel pit.

Track was so disillusioned by this, he immediatly turned to oxycontin and vandalism and never returned…

Terry

Honestly, can you imagine how much it would hurt to have your lip liner tattooed on? Also consider that lip liner color changes with styles. You’d let some cosmetologist with a certificate from a dodgy Institute of Beauty poke needles in your lips, then the next year you’d look at dates and crappy anyway.

TGY

Yes, looks like ‘permanent makeup’ to me.

spencer

This isn’t as bad as Barry Hussein getting his skin tattooed brown so he can win the election.

Larry Fine

Jesus will forbid her to enter Heaven because of this.

shortsshortsshorts

Meth Whore!

KittyKatMan

You think its easy preparing to be a meth queen of living skank? You gotta cut corners.

ColdCupofHope

the only way we’ll know for sure is if we check the “tramp stamp” above her ass.

I volunteer.

Ha HA… sexism.

tunamelt

She’s like a chola. Does she draw her eyebrows on with a sharpie?

freakishlystrong

Those fuckin’ glasses are tattooed on as well…

Rev. Juan MessyCan

The lying whore! What’s the Bible of End of Days (or whatever kookbook she believes in) say about scheming harlots who go so far to rebuke their virtue they permanently color their faces to match the curtains in hell?

BRB, consulting the Rev. MessyCan Memorial Library.

….

I don’t have a BofEofD, but I have my own Harry Potter slash lit and it says that instead of stoning her (with rocks) she should be waterboarded while the rest of us get stoned (with weed), then beaten with the biggest specula we can find. (It’s more humane than it sounds — after a few bong hits, who’s gonna be motivated enough to cause real damage?)

Who’s coming to Palin Pinata Party?

Valerie

Juvederm? Botox? WHEN WILL IT END??
I’m just waiting for the glittery navel piercing photos from that time at the lake when the first dude was all like “smile, baby!” and shit.

Cogito Ergo Bibo

Well, she can’t be expected to remember to do all those time-consuming things a woman has to do to get ready for work, don’tcha know? She’s got babies to breed and troopers to fire!

HomoPolitico

I tried leaking to Wonkette but teh ginger told me he wasn’t into watersports.

[re=91611]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: No, according to local “sources”, he’s got “Sarah” tattooed down there. Teehee!

WIDTAP

So any trueth to the rumor that she has an inner lip tattoo that says “I bite”?

WadISay

As long as she was going for a sexy tat, she should have gotten “insert penis here”, with a little arrow.

dingleberries

Thanks for the closeup. I didn’t need to see her labia.

Serolf Divad

You can tattoo lipliner on a pig…

HomoPolitico

[re=91618]KevoTron[/re]: Don’t you DARE put that TrollpyBitchCunt on the same level as St. Tammy. Our gay Canadian wedding is SO on hold.

sezme

What kind of monster puts a tattoo on a dog?

magic titty

[re=91586]spencer[/re]: Win.

jimh

[re=91611]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: This is totally false, it just looks that way when flaccid. His dick tat actually reads “Bill Lightning Rod Conservative Kristol”. My “sources” asked to remain anonymous.

V2peaceAllOver

……….and when does the red ball nose come into play?…honk honk.

BobLoblawLawBlog

I’m going to have nightmares about her nostrils swallowing me whole for the rest of my life. Thanks, Ken.

StuckInsideMobile

@phalex: But me, I ‘spected it to happen.

NoWireHangers

[re=91609]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Last year it was Amy Winehouse, this year it’ll be Sarah Palin. The costume that everyone thinks is a unique pop-culture commentary, when really it’s far too obvious and everyone’s doing it.

trophy(forparticipation)wife

Check eyeliner and eyebrows too. I noticed in my Wasilla research a week ago that there were an unbelievable number of “permanent make-up” places. I hadn’t thought about her lips but I was fairly certain about her eyebrows. I don’t know what this all means. . . Oh, I found it when I was looking for her ankle at tattoo parlors.

[re=91628]WadISay[/re]: It’s probably on the inside of her lip.

Her son has a Jesus Fish on his ankle. She has said that was how she and Todd knew that they’d done something right.

[re=91655]NoWireHangers[/re]: That’s what I’m afraid of. Maybe I’ll take a tip from you and dress as a wire hanger this Halloween.

hatlesshead

Can’t wait for Halloween to see the masks they do for this election. They are in production right now. Walnuts’ will have big old nasty yellow teeth. Ewwwwwwww! Natch Hopey will be a unicorn.

jimh

[re=91667]hatlesshead[/re]: Um, unicorns are white, mmmkay?

rev_matt_y

[re=91599]Rev. Juan MessyCan[/re]: Your post isn’t entirely clear (one of us got a head start on the bong hits. I think it’s you.): Who is being beaten with the specula? The waterboarded Palin or the stoned everyone else? Not that I suppose it matters, but I like to have my absurdist imagery accurate, thanks.

hatlesshead

[re=91686]jimh[/re]: You mean unicorns don’t cum in colors?

RuperttheBear

[re=91698]hatlesshead[/re]: Taste the rainbow.

YellowSnow

This really isn’t so surprising. Did you see the Wasilla photos yesterday? I don’t see much else to do there besides get ‘tooed. I especially liked the greek delta for the ‘A’ at the tatoo shops – now that takes smartyness.

Just like all these screwed up places, hicks seem to have a luv/hate relationship with themselves. They all go to church and praise Jeebus, but then they like Harleys, AC/DC, Tatoos, flunkin high school and other things they think are rebelleous. WHY BOTHER, just take some more meth (but leave me the smoky smoky)

shoeho

My own personal hairguy, Mr. Juan, was saying on Saturday that he was betting on a piece for the prom queen ‘do, acrylic nails (so yesterday) and permenant MU (ditto) at least for the lips and brows. We need more info, Mary and ah, whomever from Wasilla.

Of course, Mr. Juan knows that fine upstanding homosexuals like hisself will be banished to, ah, someplace really icky if this broad gets elected, so he could be lyin’. But I’m just sayin’….

btwbfdimho

Sounds like she’s a branded animal and not a maverick as her mentor claims.

jasonelias

I would say she should retire that “lipstick” joke. But then again if she changes any of her stump speech the back of her head smokes and a spring pops out of her mouth.

Johnny Zhivago

[re=91756]btwbfdimho[/re]: Check to see if she has the finger tatoo “MCCAIN 2008”

Dr. Andrew R. Pulliam
…
Andrew Pulliam, M.D., F.A.C.S. has two decades of experience in the field of facial plastic surgery.He has achieved dual board certification through the American Board of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery and the American Board of Otolaryngology.His other achievements include Fellow of the Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, and Fellow of the American College of Surgery.Dr. Pulliam was listed in “The Best Doctors in America” in 1996-1997 and was Chief of Surgery for Sarasota Memorial Hospital prior to moving back to Alaska after living and practicing for ten years in Sarasota, Florida.