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Friday, May 23, 2008

What do you mean, you farted?!?

My hubby proposed just when I was CERTAIN he never would.

In January of 2001 we had been dating for more than four years and were living together. He insisted we buy a house a few months before and I felt it was certain death. With all the money he'd shelled out for our place I *knew* there was no way he'd ever be able to afford a ring. I was moping. I was crabby. I was pretty much a bitch. I even told him, "When you finally do propose you'd better do it right or I'll make you do it all over again." (The fact that he still proposed and then married me speaks VOLUMES about his character. No, he's not dense, silly. He's forgiving.)

On a snowy Friday night in January, I went out for drinks after work with my co-workers. We'd ditched work early and were intently enjoying the happy hour. We were due to go out to what I assumed was a casual dinner. I wasn't ditching him...our plans weren't to eat until later.

All of a sudden he walked into the bar & grille where we were drinking. I didn't even notice how nicely he was dressed. (No, I wasn't that drunk, just dense. Heyyyyy...wait a minute, I mean... never mind.) He had a drink with us and insisted we get going to dinner. Fine by me.

We went to Red Lobster* and stood in the crowded waiting room. At one point, I leaned up against him and put my hands in the pockets of his jacket, pulling him close the way only non-married couples without kids will do. He did really good not to scream and hit me and I didn't feel the ring box in his pocket. I also didn't notice when our wait time was much shorter than everyone else's.

During dinner, we made small-talk and laughed and joked like we usually do. Then came time for dessert. We decided to order the chocolate cake with ice cream and I didn't notice it was delivered on a fancier plate than normal. We picked at the cake, completely stuffed from dinner, and he began to giggle.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

Turning redder he mumbled, "I farted."

I shook my head in disbelief that he was still (as he is now) the type of guy who will laugh about farts. It turns out he saw the flocks of waitresses standing nearby, behind me, waiting for him to pop the question. He also couldn't believe I hadn't seen the writing on the plate yet.

"Let's take this home," he suggested of the remainder of the cake. "Help me scoop it into this box."

"Don't be dumb, just pick it up and flop it in there!"

"Help me, DARNIT," he warned. Okeyfine.

So we scooped up the cake together only to see the surface of the plate covered by melted ice cream. He took a fork and scraped it to the side so I could see the gold scroll writing on the bottom. It said, "Will you marry me?"

As my face went from pink to red he pulled a big ring box out of his pocket and asked me again, out loud. I think I responded with an "OF COURSE!"

So that's that. Yes, I was dense. But I just *knew* he was never going to propose and that he could never surprise me. A-hem.

*Yes, a bit tacky of a chain restaurant, but it holds special significance for me. My Mom's Mom introduced me to crab legs when I was a wee little thing and I loved them. When she asked me where I wanted to go to celebrate my 6th birthday, that's what I picked. Its a special memory to me, as she passed away when I was 14.

What a sweet and funny story! My husband also finds farts hilarious, and sadly, he has passed this trait down to our 2 daughters. Once, when Bee was 2, she "cut the cheese" in Target, and yelled, "HEY MOM! Did you hear me just rip that one off! HA HA HA HA!"