Ron Paul’s Iowa Campaign Hoping For Catastrophic Death Blizzard

Thanks to the Republicans destroying the Earth’s climate, Iowa is expected to be warm and dry and sunny on January 3. This is apparently very bad news for Ron Paul, because the lack of the usual Iowa Blizzard on Caucus Day means that the regular old Republican welfare-farmer corn-syrup farmers on their Medicare-provided Hoverounds might actually turn out to support that liberal devil-cultist Mitt Romney or what’s his name, the fat amoral jewelry-debt baby who takes all the “consulting money” from Big Government. See, Ron Paul supporters were hoping for a record-breaking blizzard, so they could re-enact those wintry scenes from Lord of the Rings, when Luke gets mugged by a fleet-footed snow monster.

The best scenario for his Republican presidential bid would be a blizzard in Iowa on Jan. 3, when voting at 1,774 precinct caucuses officially starts the party’s nominating process, political experts say. That’s because supporters of the Texas congressman are so committed they’ll turn out whatever the conditions, while other candidates appear to have more fair-weather backers.

In this case, they are literally fair-weather friends, as they’re not moving away from the flat screen if they have to salt a path down the driveway for their Rascal.

It's the damn weather. No snow on the ground and it's the 29th of December with a temperature of 50 above zero.

Fare la Volpe

What the fuck is wrong with Iowa?

What isn't?

Biel_ze_Bubba

Nothing wrong with Iowa, really … given the clowns prancing around in this circus, what the heck do you expect the poor sods to do?

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

I can't possibly disagree with *that.*

yyyaz

More depressing: all of these assclowns have their own little group that worships their particular cult of assclownery in every state.

arihaya

all of 'em Katie?

Baconzgood

Weather is bad only crazy people vote. You can't explain it!

SexySmurf

The only way Ron Paul can win the nomination is if Hell (AKA Iowa) literally freezes over.

proudgrampa

Re: That poor child dressed up as superhero RP. His parents should lose custody. Just sayin'.

freakishlywrong

It's tantamount to child abuse. Or, as they say on Fux "indoctrination".

tessiee

It's tantamount to child abuse. Or, as they say on Fux "parenting".

http://www.wonkette.com NogFilledExistence

kid's smile = earning parental approval and nothing else

Dudleydidwrong

I really feel for that kid. Back in '48 (1948 that is) my parents dressed me up like that only the writing on the front said "WE WANT DEWEY!" Never got over it. Finally ran away from home, joined the circus and now I'm stuck in a clown car with nine fucking Republicans.

poncho_pilot

could've been worse: back in '48 you still could've been dressed up as a Ron Paul superhero. 1848, even.

DaRooster

Complete with rubber nose eyebrows.

jodyleek

The real question that needs to be asked is, how the hell did that super dorky dad of said child get an attractive woman (or any woman for that matter) to reproduce with him? The Ron Paul crowd is similar to the band Rush's fan base: a sausage fest comprised of a bunch of completely unfuckable nerds. My only guess is that the guy has a trust fund.

poncho_pilot

two words: mustache ride.

Biel_ze_Bubba

That kid really looks like the milkman. (Just sayin'.)

Fare la Volpe

She's the best wife money can buy.

Blueb4sunrise

I'm hoping that the kid said he'd only do it for $100.

Fare la Volpe

Hopefully Child Protective Services can swing by and fill up their monthly quota before the new year!

Ah. that whole baby's snatch fuckfest brings back such memories. Remember when the Paultards defended a serial child abuser? Yeah, good times.

SorosBot

Ah, good times; it's been a while since we've had a good troll infestation. That one was especially good as the teabaggers were trolling to defend a child abuser.

http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

I'm just surpised Dad doesn't have a pillow case over his head to be White Powerboy's sidekick, Hoodman.

http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

Iowa Weather Forecast for January 3rd, 2012:

Cloudy with a 100% chance of Paultards.

Tommmcattt

Sure that kid is smiling now, but wait until he finds out that his super-powers in Paultardia are limited to the ability to work a 12-hour day at the age of 10, and the right to sell his testicles and other soft meats to free-market organ brokers.

GOPCrusher

I'm going to wake up tonight, think of this comment and start laughing again.

L188188

The second-to-last sentence in this article, the one about the Rascals, may be the best sentence ever written in the English language. EVER.

SayItWithWookies

That photo is shocking — when the hell did Ron Paul fans learn how to reproduce?

http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

Yes, those pesky children always want to be fed, taken to the doctor, own pets, etc., and they don't even earn their keep. On top of that they put the parents in contact with PUBLIC education and heaven knows that'll be first in line for abolition in Paultardville.

Negropolis

Their evolving!

As they said in Jurassic Park: Life will find a way.

Baconzgood

Sooooooooo his supporters are as fanatical as the Fremen or somthing?

poncho_pilot

and likewise, they drink their own urine and sweat.

Dashboard Buddha

beat me to it

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

I b'leev the whole "Fremen" concept was based on Ronulans.

MosesInvests

Ron Paul Atreides (aka Mu'ad Dib)?

Joshua Norton

here is an Iowa campaign photo of an unloved child tragically dressed up as a “Ron Paul Superhero,”

Who knew Elmer Fudd was a conservative superhero?

Rotundo_

I seem to recall one cartoon where he recites "My Name is Elmer J. Fudd, I am a millionaire, I own a mansion and a yacht." repeatedly, so there is that. He also pretends to be nuts to avoid the IRS in that one, so since he isn't *genuinely* nuts, he probably is more of an independent, as sane republicans are calling themselves these days.

GOPCrusher

He's bald and has a gun. How could you not see the obvious?

Lionel[redacted]Esq

Don't believe the weather forecasts. They are created by the government in an effort to prevent job creators from meeting their full potential.

GOPCrusher

It's a plot by Al Gore to take away your incandescent light bulbs.

Negropolis

Winter weather is an inside job!

Lascauxcaveman

Cold day in Hell, when Ron Paul wins a state caucus? No, just Iowa.

x111e7thst

I suppose it is ever so slightly better than naming your kid Stalin.

Lionel[redacted]Esq

Further proof that Mitt Romney is a RINO, he will win with the help of Global Warming!

lochnessmonster

Wait til the other kids see this…can anyone say "wedgie"?

Loaded_Pants

Other kids? He's probably home"schooled" & has no interaction with other kids.

Radiotherapy

You know who else worried about harsh winter weather in the midst of a big battle?

I think Tom Landry being from Dallas. We'll just have to settle this in the ring Snake Plissken style.

Radiotherapy

On the frozen tundra of Lambeau field. Actually, you're right, I had to go back and look at my YKWE question. Uncle. But this is two days in a row we've had a sword fight pillow fight.

Baconzgood

You pull the pig tails of the ones you like the most.

Radiotherapy

I'm very ticklish.

GOPCrusher

STAVKA General Georgi Zhukov?

http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

Patton? Washington? Caesar (in Britain)?

Biel_ze_Bubba

Bill Belichick? No, wait … actually, he doesn't worry about it at all.

Negropolis

Joey Stalin?

poncho_pilot

i'm torn. on one hand, Ron Paul winning the nomination would probably secure it for Obama. on the other hand, that would be 400 years of hearing Paultards talk about Ron Paul's victory and how a giant conspiracy is the real reason Paul lost to Obama.

floating cities in the ocean are starting to sound like a good idea…

GOPCrusher

They are already attributing the Santorum Surge to a media conspiracy to bring down the Great Dr. Ron Paul.

poncho_pilot

well, of course! Ron Paul does not make mistakes. ever. Dr. Personal Responsibility is always a victim.

Biel_ze_Bubba

400 years of hearing Paultards talk about Ron Paul's victory, vs. 4 years of any one of these GOP re†ards in the White House? I'm all ears.

poncho_pilot

i agree but i don't think any of the other clowns have a shot either.

MaxNeanderthal

So let me get this straight, He's hoping to win the vote by having people not vote? Sounds like the main GOP strategy for 2012.

poncho_pilot

i don't libertarians, especially, are big on the whole democracy thing. why do we even bother voting when the libertarians are right about everything and the rest of us are dumb?

GOPCrusher

We should turn every thing over to the 1% and let them run things while the rest of us blissfully live out our existence.

poncho_pilot

what could go wrong?

Loaded_Pants

Why are we planning on having a Presidential election in 2012, anyway?

Baconzgood

You don't have to wait for the roads to be plowed if you go to the polls in a blimp. Just sayin'.

That would certainly be an improvement over my current lunch of a gas station burrito and a can of Steel Reserve.

GOPCrusher

+1 for a Steel Reserve reference.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

Thank you. Steel Reserve can be a bit of a challenge, but I like challenges!

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

I'll be sure to bring you some, then.

Biel_ze_Bubba

If that happens, watch all the lamestream media rush in … to interview whoever came in second, about how this affects their strategy for NH.

chicken_thief

"The best scenario for his Republican presidential bid would be a blizzard in Iowa on Jan. 3…"

Couldn't he just go to the Diary Queen and buy one?

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

Hell, who doesn't want a blizzard on the day we're (some? most of us?) due back at work. For once I think I can relate to a Paultardian's wishful bleating.

SorosBot

You wanted a blizzard last Tuesday?

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

No, I get the shift sandwich: this being the week-in-between long holiday weekends, which fellow workers merged into a 10-day spree, while I cover the absentees' desks & phones during these understaffed workdays. Others' prolonged illnesses, seniority and haste in petitioning their scheduled absence, obligates me as 'essential personnel' — so next Tuesday would be just fine to get snowebound at home rather than sit here and take more calls as to who *else* isn't gonna make it in.

http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com drpaul2012

There are plenty of localized natural disasters that can accomplish the same thing without contributing to a Paul victory.

http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com drpaul2012

Nothing screams Revolution like bumming a ride from your grandparents to the Iowa caucuses so you can vote for a feeble 80 year old crank.

http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

So dedicated. So true to the cause. Much like a Tauntaun. I suspect that the last words many a Paultard will hear in the great "white out of 2012" is: "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"

poorgradstudent

Even Ron Paul is realizing that America will have to go all Thunderdome for him to have a shot, and even then he'll probably just be running a small fiefdom where southern Illinois used to be. And instead of building a libertarian/neo-feudal paradise he and his followers will have to dedicate their energies toward fighting off marauding bands of Lyndon LaRouche fans.

Well, the Paultards will be out en force. These people are some of the most ignorant on the planet. What true about Gingrich is also true about Paul: he's what a stupid person thinks a smart person sounds like.

Callyson

what’s his name, the fat amoral jewelry-debt baby who takes all the “consulting money” from Big Government.
But Michele needs that money to keep Marcus happy…

Bluestatelibel

And the best scenario for the entire United States of America would be if the entire GOPeer field got trapped in the Mines of Moria and eaten by a Balrog, the end.

tihond

We just need Paul Krugman to go down there shouting "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

poncho_pilot

and as we've seen, ask Ron Paul three questions and he runs away.

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

You libtards are just scared shitless that Dr. Paul hasyour number and he will BEAT Nobama! Dr. Ron Paul 2012!

poncho_pilot

PERSNUHL LIBERTEES!!!1!!

http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

Catastrophic Death Blizzard

I'm so naming my professional wrestling stable after that.

Fare la Volpe

It'd make a great Power Metal band too.

GOPCrusher

Guess I'll have to come up with something else for my new speed metal polka band.

Radiotherapy

Bring out the Blizztards.

dadanarchist

Better call the United Nations and get them to fire up that weather machine they built with the Illuminati.

Ducksworthy

Superhero RP is missing an "i".

user-of-owls

There is no "I" in Ron Paul!

ha ha. HA HA HA. God, I could hardly spit that out without laughing so hard I peed myself.

Ducksworthy

That's kinda sad Mr. Owls.

user-of-owls

Originally, it was meant as a jab at Ron Paul's rather formidable ego. But it almost works better the other way.

Man, I crack myself up!

Ducksworthy

But will Ron Paul bring in his son's head stomping goons and sic them on the opposition?

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

It's worked for him so far.

http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

I'm dreaming of a white caucus…"

– Ron Paul

Marcus Bachmann's version is almost the same.
~

http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

Yeah! Sounds like WELFARE to me.

Negropolis

Damn welfare squirrels; always beggin' and hustlin' for a nut. Get a real jerb. They're almost as bad as those damned Nebraska welfare racoons.

user-of-owls

This just in: The KORN Eyewitness News team has learned that a very important member of Michelle Bachmann's campaign staff here has jumped ship and joined the Ron Paul campaign.

Bachmann said Jim Cantore made the jump after “he was offered a men's medium sexy blue parka to go to work for the Paul campaign.”

The only things outside in an Iowa blizzard are mad cows and Ronery-men.

owhatever

Then out of the west, the sound of thundering hooves and the zombie Ronald Reagan arrives to win Iowa by an unexpected landslide of write-in votes.

GOPCrusher

I'm still betting on Sarah Palin, dressed as a Valkyrie, on a unicorn, bathed in light, with Wagner playing in the background.

Loaded_Pants

For some reason, I can picture that so easily.

Negropolis

I know, right? It's scary how easily one can envision this stunt waiting to happen.

Chichikovovich

Well, Ron Paul is a vicious gnome who is obsessed with gold. So that fits too.

prommie

I see that Romney is on top now, with Santorum having oozed down to second place.

http://wonkette.com/ weejee

That's what happens when you use a mitten for a condom.

Loaded_Pants

Santorum produces his own slippery slope.

HarryButtle

SANTORUM IS NUMBER TWO! SANTORUM IS NUMBER TWO!

http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

So what you're saying is that the Santorum surge was a bit puffed frothed up and has now collapsed under its own weight?

Arken

Ron Paul 2012 – He's not that racist

http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

Ron Paul 2012- Because we can't know for certain that he believes the racist things that he published.

Can someone please point me to the last presidential candidate who was given this much leeway?

GOPCrusher

Ron Paul is that crazy uncle that comes over during the holidays that is always trying to take off his pants.

http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

Really? I thought that was Mark Foley.

Negropolis

It's really funny you say the "certain" thing, because I think the revelation of his racist and homophobic newsletters might actually help him in a GOP primary, particularly if the actual author is ambiguous enough that you can't pin it on Paul, but sure eough that he could be the writer. It's the best of both worlds; you get to attract the racists without formally joining them.

http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

I think the only thing there that's inaccurate is your excessively generous implication that there are some GOP voters out there who might still be turned off by racism.

The more complete analysis would be that there are a handful of GOP voters who hate perceiving themselves as racist, and for these individuals, the fact that Ron Paul cannot be CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN IN A COURT OF LAW to agree with the things he published, IN HIS HEART, means they don't have to see themselves as complicit in racism for supporting him, even though they totally get where he was coming from.

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

That's what he's saying now, fer realz. "It was only EIGHT sentences, and they were only MILDLY racist."

hagajim

Ya have to love it when shitty weather can determine who has the big momentum (or Joementum) leaving one of the smallest, shitholiest (sorry Iowa) states in the country.

hagajim

According to the headlines SANTORUM SURGING in Iowa….what kind of slippery gross mess is that ginna cause….ewwww!

Biel_ze_Bubba

I was gonna make a joke about the "Ronulans" … but it turns out that these loons already use the word among themselves. Sort of like the Kardashians, I guess.

poncho_pilot

but the Vulcans were the highly logical ones. isn't that one of the Paultard ideas? rationality and logic. or maybe Paulcan sounds too much like Blimpkin…

LetUsBray

Aww, don't tell me they take all the fun out of using "racists living in their moms' basements who like their weed" by calling themselves that, too.

Beowoof

And here I thought they were already buried in a blizzard of right wing bullshit.

http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

No wonder Republicans don't want to improve the environment. Global warming is their friend.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

If Paul wins, Santorum will all be like, "I can't believe that worthless piece of shit Paul won this fucking thing. God fucking damn it! I've spend every fucking second of every fucking day for the last 3 months traveling to every fucking county in this God damned shithole excuse for a State and had to listen to every imaginable imbecilic dirtbilly in overalls, stupid rubber boots, a hoody and a moronic seed corn hat go on and on about some idiotic whatever the hell they were talking about…and these fuck sticks go ahead and vote for that god damned shit vampire! Son of a fuckin' bitch!!"

GOPCrusher

Hey wait a minute! We don't all wear seed corn hats. Some of us wear tractor hats.

WIDTAP

Whoah-ho! Mister Fancy Hats!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

John Deere

Dudleydidwrong

That response is in good taste–in Iowa.

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

"Shit vampire" FTW.

Guppy

"the regular old Republican welfare-farmer corn-syrup farmers (…) might actually turn out to support that liberal devil-cultist Mitt Romney"

But wouldn't Michele Bachmann caucus for herself instead?

http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

So as it happens, I'm also hoping for a catastrophic death blizzard to hit Iowa, but mainly in the hopes that the Iowa Paultards will get snowed in at the caucuses and be forced to eat each other to survive.

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

That's … very … nice, dear. I think.

ttommyunger

Too early to predict snowfall, but the "Doofus Front" that has been stationary over the entire State of Iowa for the last few weeks is not expected to lift any time soon.

Negropolis

Ron & Co. have been waiting on the Apocalypse their entire lives, so wishing for a Catastrohphic Death Blizzard sits right in their wheelhouse, and doesn't required expending too much additional psychic energy.

bisky71

RP's campaign never stated good weather would be detrimental. This is a manufactured story based on a speculation of Bloomberg that the other candidates don't have supporters enthusiastic enough to show up in bad weather. As for the climate it is great but could be a bit warmer. Unfornutelt the earth has been cooling for 7 years with no average warming for 15. Though it has generally been warming for 300 as a part of a 1000 year cycle, no increase of slope with fossil fuels. When it was warmer 1000 yrs ago during the Medieval Warm Period people thrived with vineyards in England. But you can pay the World Band to change the weather if you want. After that I have a bridge for sale.