Earlier this week, I received an email to speak at an upcoming workshop for female professionals looking to expand their confidence. I was so excited and immediately said yes without any concern for the details. After speaking to my contact at the non-profit, she repeated what I have been hearing and reading about – women lacking confidence.

My immediate reaction was “Hell yea! Let’s do this!” but as I sat with topic I felt sadness and frustration wash over me. How are we in 2017 and still here? Why are we still having the same issues?

In true Lauren form, I converted my sadness to action and started writing my talk. I wanted to start at the root of what confidence is. Here it is from the dictionary:

con·fi·dence /ˈkänfədəns/ noun

1. the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something

2. the state of feeling certain about the truth of something

3. a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities

Do you see what I see?

Look at the ordering of these definitions. The first definition is about relying on external elements to feel confident. Self-assurance and appreciation of our abilities and qualities is third. The dictionary is falling in line with the same nonsense of advertising companies - external validation. Can we rewrite this bullshit?

Confidence starts from within us. We gather the facts and truths about who we are and we rely on them to own our space and power. While it’s nice that others believe in us too, when we truly own our confidence, it’s like a couple of sprinkles on the ice cream sundae we’ve made for ourselves.

You may be asking. What do I do if I don’t feel confident?

1. Call me or my mom. We’re awesome at having celebration parties for people and pumping them up!

2. Start writing. If you could feel confident, what would it look like? What would you sound like? What would you posture be like? How would you enter a room? What would be different?

3. From that List, highlight what you’ve already done or are doing. This is your truth list.

4. Continue building your truths. Continue believing your truths.

5. Reach out to other confident women and hold yourself to the same level of self-care and support.

6. Believe You are Worthy! You were put on this planet for a reason. Ain’t nobody got time to wallow, you’ve got shit to do!