The Facebook of Sex

Finally, you can find out all the important stuff about potential friends (with benefits).

As I searched for church groups on the Internet, I accidentally found myself at an adult pornographic website. Along the top and side of the page I saw ads for “Sex Facebook” and “Facebook of Sex.” So I thought, “What a horribly awesome idea!”

Does she shave or at least trim? Is she one of those “I fuck with my bra on” girls? I mean, I know most girls I enjoy orgasms with aren’t virgins. And I know many of my friends have inadvertently banged the same chicks. Hell, one of my old bosses and I just found out we hooked up with three of the same girls—and none of them were particularly loose in the morals department. Okay, two of them were very loose, and the other one was our other friend’s girlfriend. But what-fucking-ever.

Back to Sexbook.

If I did join, I’d be a lot more interested in checking out people’s photos and videos. If they were hot chicks I’d consider joining their groups—and by groups I mean hot girl + hot girl + hot girl + kc orgies. Plus, status updates would be crucial, because then you would figure out how many STDs that blonde chick I nicknamed “Platinum Pro” had.

I mean, who doesn’t already check the Facebook (or MySpace if you’re an old geezer) page of your new girlfriend, boyfriend, fuck buddy or—most importantly—the girl you want to be your new fuck buddy?

You find out some important information. The minute I see some Michael Moore or Bill O’Reilly quotes on a girl’s page, I know they’re mostly retarded, and reserve them for nights I want to get drunk, not think, and still get laid. Because stupid girls generally have more sex than smart girls.

Also, when you check out your mate’s page, you can prepare yourself for disasters—such as movie time. When I know the ins and outs of my beau, and she says, “Let’s rent a video,” and I end up gritting my teeth in Blockbuster and she says, “Let’s look for princess movies,” I always know to say, “You’ve already seen the stupid-ass Disney movies. Let’s find ‘Hip Hop Ninjas Kill Werewolves in Party Town.'” And then I win, because I have all the black ops intel from Facebook.

Now, with the Facebook of Sex, you could figure out your sexual partner’s favorite positions. Not that I really care, because I like all of them except for the complicated shit. Does she hate giving blowjobs? How many painful breakups could have been prevented if you knew that before you started macking on some uppity skank?

As I’ve sort of stated, I don’t really give a shit about a girl’s sexual history. As long as she hasn’t worked as an “athletic trainer” for the Dallas Cowboys or something, I just don’t want to know. But I do want to know if she’s a talker. I don’t care if she tells her friends about our sexy times (there’s the dirty talking girls, who say, “Oh my God you fuck me so fucking awesomely”), but there are a lot of girls who just can’t fucking shut up, even when you’re fucking them. Guys, you know what I’m talking about. You’re pumping away and instead of hearing your friends congratulating you in the background, your auditory system is overloaded with, “And then Becky said to Steph, ‘But I wanted to buy the soooo-cute yellow ducky shirt.’ Oh, can you spank my ass a few times. Do you like my hair like this, or should I stick it up. Speaking of stick up, can you stuff a finger or two in my butthole? I like that. I also like chocolate. Just kidding. I love chocolate. I love it almost as much as I like sex. I like sex, but chocolate is just so…chocolatey!”

You could also check on somebody’s Sexbook wall. What type of messages are up there? She could be writing on people’s walls, “That’s the most anal I’ve ever done.” This could be a deal breaker… or maker for some of us. Or she could be sending you Sexbook emails like, “2day I just want u to eat BBQ ribs and get blowjobs while watching Buffy. And then it’s hot tub massage time for u.” With those types of messages, I’d be checking my account ten times a day. Not that I don’t do that already with regular old Facebook of Sex, but now I’d actually pay attention to what my girl says.

There’s so much good Sexbook could do for my sex life—and yours too I guess. Does she shave or at least trim? Is she one of those “I fuck with my bra on” girls? Does she come to cum and stay or does she leave? Are we talking about pancake-sized nips or chocolate chipples? Does she believe in sex for procreation or recreation? Is she going to encourage me to set up threesomes, or is she going to get really offended by it? Same with getting boob upgrades? These are the things I need to know.

Internet,cellphones,etc. --- it's either a gift or a curse, it's how u use it. Life is easier with 'em but is simpler without 'em That's just an opinion but the fact is We all get desperate sometimes Make yourself busy and try not to let sex control your Life- don't put it to waste you have to let go and let God.

There are many things that disturbs us in this world consuming our time, yet all of them are useless.

sexbook, fuckbook, facefuck. I am sure they are all out there somewhere. The thing is would you really want to join one of these? these people would be the biggest sluts and whores on the planet. You join thinking well i might find someone special.. yeah the same person that has found lots of someone specials in the past few nights. It's like the humor of reading craigslist personals and missed connections, you know its the same 4 posters changing the title so no one realizes how slutty they really are. I am not so sure i want to know all the details. The Profile reads. I am a virgin. Followed by recent sexcapades. I have really only been with one guy, i have never had sex, does oral count? Does blowing the entire football team after a winning game, and the basketball team, and the band geeks, and so on and so forth.

Profile 2 gives you a menu to chose from: I am looking for mr right now. well and mr right after right now. Tonights special: Crabs Syph Herpes The list goes on and on make your choice