An academy for growth and guidance

Month: Aug 2016

This is the last leg of holistic understanding of self. This triad (Emotions, thoughts and behaviour) depicts a journey from feeling to displaying of apt emotion that requires empowerment.

The triad is interdependent and interconnected with each other. To display a desired behaviour, you can either alter your feelings or your thoughts. Vice versa also is functional. Often you wonder the reason behind an individual reacting in a particular way. Working backwards, determine the desired behaviour that you expect an individual to display then alter your behaviour (which in turn changes your thoughts and feelings) accordingly.

For instance: if you desire to extract a rational conversation with an individual, then your behaviour should display shards of rationality. If you shout while expressing anger, then you can’t expect the individual to react calmly. This disconnect with behaviour and emotions and thoughts causes a rather tiring circle of disappointment and frustration. This in turn leads to dilution of relationships. As mentioned earlier, this triad is the basis or foundation for relationships. How you feel?, What you think? And how you behave shapes the relationship from inside.

How to make sure this triad is in synch?

In any given situation or in life generally whenever you feel something, take a step back and assess yourself. Is this what you want to feel? Do you think this feeling is apt in this situation? Etc. Is it proportionate to what has happened? Next, observe the intra-psychic process. What are your thoughts along with these feelings? What are you telling yourself? If you can do this reflection before choosing your action, you may get a desired outcome. This check can also be done in the thoughts or behaviour stage. The same principle of taking a step back applies here too.

By integrating this triad, eventually you will gain acceptance of your thoughts and feelings and behaviour which in turn enables you to act from a place of empowerment. Point to be given due credence is – empowerment is individualistic and does not carry a common meaning.

The next time you face a situation and wonder what went wrong, remember to step back and reflect.

Understanding behaviour in relation to the previous topics (emotions and thoughts) makes the journey holistic.

Behaviour is more often than not influenced by experience. For instance if you are sad, you prefer to stay aloof, happy occasion probably makes you angry or irritable and so on and so forth. It can be concluded that our behaviour is directly proportional to our thoughts and our thoughts are influenced by emotions/feelings. This triad is interdependent and forms the foundation for any relationship.

Being happy usually is displayed through a smiling face, positive attitude.

Being sad is displayed through a gloomy face, negative attitude.

These behaviours are concluded because they are displayed. This begs the question of behaviours that aren’t displayed? Un-displayed behaviour is bound by restrictions like gender, religion etc which in turn affects the thought process (you try to adhere with the societal norms and suppress the real thought). This has a profound effect on your emotions. For instance: you tend to get addicted to alcohol to heal yourself. When sufficient time and space is not provided for an individual to heal (death of a loved one, death of a relationship, betrayal etc) they tend to turn to something that soothes their psyche. Inability to convey certain emotions also affects behaviour. This is best explained when more often than not a Male may place their feeling as either “angry” or “frustrated”. In certain situations, their inability to connect deeper triggers a rather emotional or physical violent behaviour. Females on the other hand may not be an expert in placing their emotions but their emotional realm probably is wider than anger and frustration. For instance: they will recognize when they feel sad or disappointed or scared or confused. There is whole range of emotions that females connect with and don’t mind displaying it too.

This disparity has led to dilution of relationships and hence an effort is being made by counsellors all over to enable an individual to connect with their feelings. This interconnect of behaviour, thoughts and emotions are paramount in dealing with self.