What Do You Ask Instead Of Why Questions?

Last week we talked about how
counterproductive it is to ask ‘why’. It can put employees and clients on the
defensive; trying to justify their actions instead of discussing how to change
a situation.

So What DO We Ask Instead?

At work we are in the relationship
business more than we want to admit. We have a cubical or office and we get our
jobs done with a minimal amount of personal interaction
with people thanks to technology such as email, pdfs, and electronically shared
documents.

Why Questions Are Much Like Accusations.

Research in negotiating, conflict resolutions, and feedback have identified where drama and negative interactions get escalated – it’s when the other person is cornered and gets defensive.

This is where using alternative
questions, instead of ‘why’ questions, help defuse defensive reactions.

Instead of continuing the habit of asking ‘why?’, start practicing the use of ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions. These types of questions expand the conversation and neutralize emotions faster than other types of questions.

Instead of ‘Why did you do that?’ ask ‘What were you expecting to happen with those actions?’

Instead of ‘Why don’t we do it this way?’ ask ‘How do you see us moving forward?’

There are a vast array of
different ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions;
don’t limit yourself! Make sure you keep asking ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions
until you are moving in the right direction together.

If you notice, using What and How takes the focus off of explaining things to you, the questioner, and instead, focuses on the other person.

When this happens, conversations become more meaningful, open, and occur with less judgement. This is a simple tactic, yes. When utilized, however, the reactions and results you get from the other person are more useful and productive.

Interviewing

About Carole

Carole’s method is steeped in her educational background, research, experience, and assessment. It’s also based on her ability to both ask the right questions and help her clients arrive at the right answers for themselves.

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