It is time to ignore baby talk

Published 1:00 am, Saturday, December 6, 2008

Q. My daughter is 11 years old and in the fifth grade. Since third grade my husband and I have noticed her talking baby talk.

At times she sounds very mature, especially around her friends; at other times (at home, with her friends, and especially around her dad) she reverts back to sounding like she's in first grade. In the past we've tried a reward system to stop the behavior. That worked until she earned her reward.

I think she does more of the baby talk when she's stressed, but I don't know what to do to help her stop. I currently signal her quietly when I notice the baby talk, and she acknowledges it with a pout and then sometimes does it again right afterward.

When we discuss the issue, she says she wishes she were back in kindergarten and doesn't want to be her age. I try to bring up positive things about being her age, but she denies that they are positive. She's a straight-A student in the gifted program at school, has good friends and is accomplished in martial arts and loves it. I would appreciate any suggestions.

A. Kids usually use baby talk subconsciously when they've been displaced by a younger sibling and feel like they're not getting the attention they used to get. Also, sometimes they use it because they were babies of their families and have outgrown that special place of attention.

You've used some good approaches that should have been effective. Because your daughter is responding negatively to you when you quietly remind her, and because you've observed that new baby talk wappears more when her dad is around, I'm guessing she misses being "Daddy's little girl" and somehow blames that on you. I don't know the details, so I could be way off base in my interpretation.

Peers will automatically deter your daughter from the baby talk outside of home, and if both you and her dad ignore her silly talk, I expect she'll soon quit the habit. However, don't ignore her statement that she prefers not growing up. It may be an indication that she's feeling pressure to keep up all those A's and/or to be accepted by her peer group.

Arrange a special date with your daughter once a week, and listen carefully when she and her friends talk while you're driving them around. She may truly be struggling with social issues that come to this generation before kids are developmentally ready.

My book "Growing Up Too Fast" (Rodale, 2005) shows that middle schools have become the new high schools of today, and kids are exposed early to environments that are similar to what their parents experienced many years later. Your daughter may be worrying about some of those issues, but fearful of discussing them with you.

If other signs of pressures appear, don't hesitate taking her to a counselor to help her cope. Also, be sure you're included in the counseling, so you have an understanding of her distress.

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Dr.
Sylvia B. Rimm
is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the
Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine
, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at
www.sylviarimm.com
. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com.