Ugh

I haven't really mentioned it here, preferring instead the brevity of Twitter, but about three weeks ago, we got an offer on our old house.

It was the best offer we've gotten to date -- but still about $100K less than our asking price. (And that pretty much explains the last 3.5 years in a nutshell.) The days immediately following the offer were miserable for me. I stressed and worried and whined at God. I hounded Corey to come up with a counter-offer. I stewed in my own pot of yuck and tried my best to keep the bile of fear at bay.

It didn't work.

Eventually, I crawled out from under the shadows thanks to a healthy amount of prayer, a hard bit of introspection and a long talk with Corey (which naturally took place at 11:00 PM; sorry babe). I realized the whole issue is easy to ignore for me on a day-to-day basis, because we don't live anywhere near our old home anymore, and I can chose to not look at the realities of our situation. But when it looms large in front of me, it triggers all kinds of fear -- fear of the unknown, fear of constant conflict with Corey, fear of not being in control.

During our late-night conversation, I threw the whole burden on Corey and said, "Here. I will not fret about this anymore. I will not nag you about this anymore. Do what seems right to you. I will back you up. I trust you to handle it. I trust God to handle it. There is nothing I can control about the situation anyway, so I am stepping out of the equation."

Eventually, Corey got around to figuring out our financial situation (read: figuring out just how much money we can afford to lose) and wrote a counter-offer.

Today, we heard back from the potential buyers. They are "choosing not to counter at this time."

Yuck.

I am frustrated with the whole thing. I just want it to be over. I am tired of paying a mortgage on a house that isn't worth what we owe. I am annoyed that those same dollars could be going to feed families in Kenya or going to support families trying to raise money to adopt. It seems like such a waste to pour dollars into an empty house.

Why the wait, God? I don't get it. It seems pointless to me.

But then I am reminded of the truth I leaned in my Esther Bible study last week. Beth Moore said something revolutionary in relation to Isaiah 40:31. Maybe you know the verse? (If you attended a Christian school, I can guarantee you know the verse, because 97% of Christian schools name their sports teams the Eagles after this passage.)

Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings as eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

I believe the truth of that verse, theoretically. But bless my heart, I rarely live it.

Waiting doesn't renew my strength; it exhausts me. I grow more weary and more defeated with each passing day. I am tempted to say with the Psalmist, "How long, O Lord? How long?"

But Beth's revelation was this: We are not told to wait on an event or a thing. That is when we become weary. Instead, we are told to wait on the Lord. He has a purpose in the wait. He is meeting us day-by-day to refine our spirits, show us His glory, reveal His love.

Don't wait on the thing, beloved. Wait on God.

Mind you, I don't feel this truth right now. I feel weary to the point of breaking. I feel thin and stretched and bent.

But I have lived long enough to know the difference between the heart's fickle emotions and the soul's rock-solid truth.

I will wait for the house to sell. Of this, I have no choice.

But I will choose in the waiting to wait on my God. I wait expectantly for his fresh wind to fill my wings.

11 comments:

Oh, I can totally relate to how you're feeling. Though I'm not in the same house-selling sort of situation, I know those emotions/worries/doubts/anxieties ALL too well, from the little things to the big. And good reminder with the Isaiah verse (your Eagles comment made me laugh--too true!).

Anyway, I read this blog post the other day from a couple who used some really creative techniques to sell their home. It might give you some add'l ideas?

Your message here is clear. God likes to yell it at me, especially when I say something like, "FINE, God. If this is REALLY where you want me to be then I'll be here. But I WON'T like it and I'll be praying for a miracle the whole time. But I'll serve you even here. Harumph."Which I have done more than once, and actually I do it about our current home, which we have not listed due to the market. You are right though, it's just difficult to let my human wants and fears go and just wait on God. It's one of those battles I have over and over an over. Thanks for reminding me, and I wish you ALL the best in your situation.

Oh man, I saw the title of this post & just knew it was about that darn house. Ugh. But then I read the rest...and while I know you're spot on with the "wait on God" exhortation, but also know how stinkin' hard it is to actually apply. My heart is heavy for you, friend.

Sounds stressful. Are you renting out the house or has it just been empty for years?

Maybe you should try one of those real estate tv shows "Sell this house!"

It sounds like you folks may need to lower your asking price quite dramatically if the house is going to sell though. Is hanging on to the house about recouping the money? Even if you did take a $100K loss and have to keep spending money on a loan for a house you no longer have, ultimately that could be part of God's (incomprehensible) plan. I was just thinking that maybe there is someone out there that really needs your house but can't afford your price tag?

We had a situation where we were trying to control our finances ourselves and ultimately we realized that we were telling God that we didn't trust him to provide for us or to be with us in the face of possible financial ruin (something I'm particularly sensitive after my family lost everything in a bankruptcy when I was a child). I'm sure you folks have considered this and I absolutely don't want you to think I'm judging you, just throwing out the idea in case. Ignore if it's unhelpful.

I love this!Of course, I am so sorry for what you're going through! I'm sure the daily reality of actually *living* all of this must be terribly stressful. But...thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful thought in the midst of such an ugly situation. May it be an encouragement to you to know that, IN this season of waiting, God is using your words and your honesty to speak into the hearts of those around you.