YBOP Articles on Porn Addiction & Porn-Induced Problems

Submitted by Administrator on Sun, 11/28/2010 - 09:32

Most of these articles were written for other websites, and follow a format of neuroscience combined with anecdotes—generally from porn users (a few were written by other authors). The articles were published between 2009-2013, before most of the recent brain studies on porn users were published. While accurate, they read as though there is little brain research on the effects of porn. To date every neurological study offers support for the porn addiction model. All support the premise that internet porn use can cause addiction-related brain changes, as do recent neuroscience-based reviews of the literature. For a short overview of key concepts, with lots of citations, read this article

The core concepts of how Internet porn is unique and how use can cause addiction are explained in this series of articles, and video (I suggest reading in sequence):

Comments

Started Masturbating around 10-11 been watching porn now for around 5-6 years masturbating at least once a day (im 20) Didn't think I had a problem until I noticed that I wasn't becoming fully erect. Gradually I wasn't greeted by Morning Wood and things just got worse.

But still I kept on with the porn - eventually It came to me that I may in fact have a problem however no matter how much I tried to quit or cut down I just kept on masturbating - Sometimes I wasn't even in the Mood I just wanted to feel that relief even if it were just for a couple seconds. It became a habit - just a normal part of my day.

Thankfully I stumbled across this place and was relieved to find that it wasn't just me and that they we're others in the same unfortunate position.

happy to hear that there was a way to undo the damage I'd (unintentionally) inflicted on myself I began he 60 - 80 day Reboot.

Surprisingly enough I didn't find it that hard. My Libido seem to have completely disowned me after a week or so ( the dreaded flat line) and was vacant for the most part. time to time I had the urge to see what was going on in the Porn world but managed to refrain.

I reached 60 days without having masturbated or having watched porn however I'd had to endure 2-3 wet dreams. a small sacrifice to say the least. I'd also found that my libido seemed to have improved as had the strength of my erections. Although they didn't seem to be as great as everyone else's who I've read about on here - So I stuck at it and figured knowing me it'll to me longer then usual.

Between 84 -91 days which is where I am now - I've noticed I'm back to square one - No Libido - Poor Erections - No Interest In Sexual Contact - I'm beginning to think I'l never return to normal. Disheartened - I've masturbated Twice (Not To Porn) I've enquired about medication ( Viagra etc..) However I don't want to have to rely on Pills for the rest of my life. If anyone who's had similar sorts of problems and knows anyway to overcome then please reply or msg me (if that's possible)

Questions: How was your erection when you recently masturbated? Did you masturbate to sensation or use porn, or real life fantasy? Have you had intercourse, or are you a virgin? (Sometimes men without previous experience have more trouble “wiring” up to the real deal.) Have you been to a doctor?

After a certain point in the rebooting process, one must get out there and start connecting with real partners.

Thanks for replying - I wasn't to sure how to post my story or what to put in it. thanks for getting in touch.

Im not a virgin - however I haven't had intercourse in over two years. I split up with my girlfriend back in 2008 an since then didn't really want physical contact i guess thats when porn turned in to a problem.

My erection wasn't great if I'm honest. I feel like if i move ill loose it. I didn't use porn - just tried to go back to how I used to masturbate before the porn (which was a long time ago) and use my imagination as sad as it sounds.

I've read that depression can lead to ED - although I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor I think that may have something to do with it, as I've been stuck in a job I completely and utterly hate for the last three years and just feel bored & tired all the time. again Im not to sure it just crossed my mind, I have just started work in another department. that doesnt seemed to have helped.

As far as wanting to make connections with people - I do find it hard - and that may be what I need however - so far i've been unsuccessful. i've passed up the opportunity on sexual intercourse a couple times cause I feel like i'd just embarrass myself either by not being able to " get it up" or by not being able to last more than 10 secs.

Im 19 years old and i have realized that i have the ED due to watching to much porn, but what i really wanna know is ....is it best to set a particular date and then work towards it , meaning i wanna start my rebooting process on the 1st November but i keep going back to the porn. i have tried so much times and i keep relapsing every time...what should i do, i really want too start and stick to it, what advice do you have for me ?

have already done it. Read the rebooting accounts, under "Tools For Change". Look at the FAQ's, and watch the videos.

There is no special method to quitting other than quitting. The tools for change page has many suggestions to help the process along, such as socializing, exercise, meditation, diet, and many other techniques.

Relapse is normal. Only a small minority make it to their target date without several relapses. This is not about perfection or setting a date, it's about persistence, and patience. As is everything worthwhile in life.

so i read here on the forum that its better to not fantasize about sex while rebooting , but i think that is personally hard too do . mainly because most times i fantasize to get erect 50 % of the time,while the other 50 % is through porno..so my question is how do you block of the fantasizing part ? this is the part of it that i don't fully understand .so can you explain this part to me if its not to much trouble

The key is to avoid fanatsizing about porn or porn scenarios. recovery is practicing new habits, retraining your brain. You simply redirect your thoughts, or engage in an activity that takes your mind away from the fantasy.

I've read a lot of material here about the effects of viewing porn videos online, but very little about text porn (stories without any pictures). Erotic stories were the mainstay of my M&O since their emergence on newsgroups such as alt.sex.stories and rec.arts.erotica. Even after free porn videos became common on the web, text-based porn remained a significant fraction of my porn use (though considerably less than video porn). While videos provide me with a quicker "fix", I find well-written (and yes, highly explicit) stories to be more satisfying overall. Even with text-based porn I'm consistently driven to seek newer material, but I think I return to my existing story collection more often than my video collection. I'm interested in hearing from other porn addicts about their experience with text porn, and how its effects differ (if at all) from video porn.

I'm 52, happily married for 13 years. I discovered this site ten days ago and began a reboot immediately; so far no relapse.

Ask yourself - What is the purpose of words in any story? To create a mental picture and emotions/feelings. This is fantasizing, which is about the same as doing, at least to your brain. Your brain only knows dopamine hits, it doesn't know what porn is. You are choosing stories or text because they are "more satisfying" - as in dopamine.

Another negative is that stories are not the real deal. The goal of rebooting/rewiring is to let go of artificial stimuli and replace it with the real deal. To rewire you must unwire.

The only thing that matters to your limbic brain is dopamine hits. Some guys like shemales, others like midgets, others like feet......you like stories. Like = dopamine buzz for you.

Also see "tools for change" above for suggestions on how to recover from addictions. See - Converting your computer to an ally also found there. Addiction usually means changing many aspects of ones life.

Hi guys, im 18 and have been wanking for about 5 years, id say i started off to imagination really to fit girls in school, but as time when on and when i turned 13 I like alot of other guys found porn. I used to jack off say once a day most days. since then about a year ago my breathing and anxiety sky rocketed and now i think i definately have a porn masturbation addiction and i am pmo for 7 days now but i dont feel nothing down there apart from a few spontaneous erections (about 3-4 during the 7 days) am i flatlining? it basically feels nothing is there that my cock is like a foreign object or some shit? lol. is it good to flatline so early in the pmo recovery? Thanks and all the best

Sounds like you are flatlining. It's not early. Everyone is different. As you can see from the dates of the posts, very few guys post on this site. I suggest looking under the support tab to find a forum. The first 2 listed are very familiar with yourbrainonporn.

I also noticed some changed during my reboot. For instance at day 9 my voice was changing like breaking gettin deeper sort of thing, I never had a high voice but when I would sing I could go quite high, it is still changing as I speak. Is this due to masturbation like onece twice everyday affecting my testosterone levels?

A lot of guys mention this and it makes sense that testosterone would be involved, but there's no evidence that circulating T levels are affected by masturbation. Many guys with porn-induced ED have their T levels tested and they come back normal.

Well, I have been in intimate contact with pornography since the age of nine, don't know how, just fell into a habit, never been able to get out of it, until now. I just had three weeks, which is the longest voluntary stretch of time I have had without porn. I hated myself for it ever since I realised it was causing me problems and I had a terrible period of HOCD, my grades went down, I achieved NOTHING in sport. It was the embodiment of failure for me. I screwed up, two days in a row where I PMO'd but that just fed my determination, but I kinda figured it's like the HOCD, I won't be able to beat it without help. And it would be amazingly appreciated if someone could help me with this. What can give me the edge of my addiction. Please help, I need to prove to myself that I am not a failure and I can get somewhere if I try. Straight out, what are the advantages of stopping?!

Have you visited this page? I'm straight, but attracted to transexual or gay porn. What's up? The advantage of stopping is regaining your innate sexual tastes. HOCD is not easy and you may hit a few bumps. Rebooting is the way to go, but avoiding masturbation may increase anxiety too much. Whatever you do, you need to disconnect porn from sexual stimulation.

Im 16 with Porn induced ED and i have been struggling with it for a long time. Before i found this website i was not aware of how bad porn could affect me. I have tried many times , over and over again to quit Porn and masturbating but i can't seem to get over it. HELP PLEASE!!!!

First, how have diagnosed your ED? Have you tried to masturbate with only sensation?

Second, have you read through "tools for change" above. Use a porn blocker? You will nee to take pro-active steps maybe to change things so it is hard to be alone with computer/phone. You will need to substitute positive activities for the time spent alone or with your computer.

Third, you need to be on a forum. I suggest the first two under the support tab above. Lots of guys are in the same boat. Know that.

New poster here. I have been viewing porn since I was in high school, but that was in the early '70's so just Playboy and stuff like that until we finally got wired in 1995. In high school of course there were very limited opportunities since it wasn't at home at all. Even when we got our first PC it took forever to load over a phone line and definitely no videos. So, even though my wife has been obese and not enticing at all to look upon, I had no problems. However at some point in there I began doing odd things like bondage to my parts to get myself excited enough to have sex with her. She seemed okay with it. I also began viewing porn - pics - just before coming to bed in order to get myself interested in her. She doesn't seem to have been aware of that or she would have thrown a fit. That seemed to work okay for a number of years. There was never any way I was able to get interested just by seeing her, ever. I am not too sure how I ended up marrying that girl, other than she was so nice and I found her easy to share with. But she always wants the lights out. Totally dark. And to her there is one way and only one way to do things. Her way. The way children of Baptist deacons are conceived. No visible nudity and certianly no posing for my entertainment. No oral for me on her. So fantasy became my rescue when she wanted me and I hadn't prepared by having viewed any porn. At that point I found I needed Cialis to maintain, which the doc was eager to prescribe. In 2009 I got an iPhone. So it morphed into me viewing porn during the day, as well as in the men's room doing PMO. Once daily. Then also viewing at my desk or at lunch. So over the last 4 years or so my ED has progressed to the point where even the Cialis doesn't work. It just gives me a headache. The only erections I get, and they are solid, are when I sleep as well as the rare times my wife deems to give me head. But she won't let that go on very long. She doesn't like the taste. I finally found this site last week. I have not viewed any porn anywhere since then. My wife and I had some private time last Saturday night. Lately with my ED it always ends with me having to do myself. She doesn't seem to know what she is doing. She will try but really doesn't seem to have any instincts. I never met another girl who was so illiterate in that area. But it is progress I suppose. I need to train her better if this is going to last. When we are together I end up having responsibility for everything, even myself. Not good but better than alone with a computer. It has been 5 days with no relapse. Having time with the wife helps, but I really want her to let me see her, and hopefully she will lose the weight. But I have been waiting 23 years for that with only a lot of good intentions on her part. A question I have is how does an obese partner, when you really aren't turned on by that, affect the end game after a reboot? If she never loses the weight and gets fit, what do I do after reboot? My enduring desire has always been to be totally turned on by my wife and only by her. I really need better support from her on that, but I have made my own problems there also. 'Need your prayers fella's.

Sometimes "less is more," meaning deeper satisfaction can come from increasing your mutual magnetism on a level beyond the visual. You can always go back to what you're doing now if you don't see any benefits. Also have a look at this article: The Lazy Way to Stay in Love.

Yours is an unusual reboot, with ED and orgasm. But I'm not surpirsed as I've seen it before with guys your (my) age who have a partner. I think the following sums up why you could get by with continued orgasms.

I am a lot older and have a long history of PMO, however much of it was soft porn and or non internet porn. I did do a lot of solo masturbation with just fantasy also, so the fantasy part will be something I will need to watch.

Hi ...I would submit a question about visual stimulations that I did in the past years of porn web site ...
In my process reboot/recovery from about 5 months without any more porn or masturbation, I had sex some times in last two months ..and I undesrtood that I can feel the "passion" against a real woman..but my visual stimulation isn't almost inexistent for me. I feel as I cannot "focus" in the situation..how if I am "detached" , how if I am not able to understand what I am doing in that moment.
This is a problem form me...because now I can feel stimulate and excited only with "touch" and other contact but no libido with only see a naked girl!!!
anyone could help me thankssssssss!!

I think this would be my second time writing since when I first got started with the reboot. I have been rebooting (trying?) since April, 2012 and for the first 6 months I was doing excellent... No porn whatsoever, no browsing through for girls anywhere (even facebook), and no masturbation at all. Started having great sex with my partner and probably starting on November or December or so of 2012, I relapsed for the first time since I first started. However, this wasn't a normal relapse, it was glazing at a porn star's pic, for which I ran into by accident and who've I used to jerk it too, and led me to "find out" what would happen if I'd watch one of her videos. As an idiot, I did, and 15 seconds into it I ejaculated without even touching myself... Felt extremely embarrassed and ashamed for "giving in" to the temptations of my long-time addiction (been PMO'ing since 16). After that episode, I felt really down for a few weeks, emotionally beaten, and what happened? Relapsed again, and with the same symptom. To be honest, I must've relapsed about 3 or 4 times during Nov-Dec 2012, and started noticing PE when having sex with my girlfriend (never suffered PE in my life!).

2013 started, had some economic issues, broke for the first time in my short professional life, and as an alcoholic would find their answer within a bottle of whisky, I fell right back inside the PMO (I continued with the same symptom in which I would ejaculate without even touching myself, it's nuts!). If I even tried jerking to it, I would cum instantly, as opposed to when I would feel the urge to ejaculate, I would pause the video, look away for a few seconds, and continue watching the video (on and on until I would feel the urge of cumming again until I felt that "no return" stage and would give in to the ejaculation, to which I would immediately feel like crap for not being strong enough to prevent it, or, NOT watch porn at all. After that, back in Jan 2013, I rebooted again for 2 months, and again relapsed (only once). Hopped back on the reboot and remained "sober" for another 2 months, and AGAIN. I feel this is really ruining my recovery, because, even though I can say I am now cured from my ED, gotten better socially and grew a huge amount of self-confidence, I now suffer from PE, which isn't nice at all. I feel that my random relapses are getting in the way of me rebooting as I should, no porn and masturbation WHATSOEVER, but sometimes the urges can win me over. Not only that, but I feel this crazy level of anxiety when I relapse, at least for a week or so.

Good thing is that I don't give in completely, I still have the will, and been having the will to continue my reboot, but lately since 2013 started, It's just been a nightmare... In 7 months I must've relapsed about 8 times.

experience what life is like without porn and to cure sexual issue. I say this, because it doesn't mean that you will necessarily eradicate the urge to watch porn. You say you have experienced benefits and cured your ED - which means you have rebooted.

Your goal now should NO PORN under any circumstances. Maybe find a masturbation schedule that prevents PE, and retrains your brain to ejaculate as it once did, with stimulation. Think of it as a diet - you have lost the weight you wanted, now you need to make friends with food so you don't binge.

I'm 37 years old. First off let me say that I am gay so if it offends you please stop reading. I started watching porn when I was 13. And I loved porn. Actually it was before then because I use to watch my father's old softcore movies. But when I was 13 I watched my first pornographic film. It was some Alice in Wonderland porn. I was hooked ever since. I am going to tell you how porn ruined my sex life. For years I would watch porn but masturbate in an unusual way. I would fist the bottom of my pillow into a ball and grind it while i watched porn. Or sometimes I would just fantasize about things. Do not do this. You will know why as you read on. I had my first sexual encounter when I was twenty one. An attractive guy was looking at me from his car as i was walking my friend's dog. So I put the dog back into the apartment and went back outside to the guy's car. We talked a little bit and then he asked me if i wanted to get it on in the back seat. I told him that I just wanted to make out only. We started making out and I had a full erection, but I did not cum. He came all over his car seat. After that I began my quest online of finding cruise areas to hook up with guys in my city. And boy did I ever. I am very attractive so I never had a problem with that. But because of the way I masturbated, I could not achieve an orgasm unless the guy was grinding on me in a certain way. That is why I say do not masturbate the way I did. A few months later, my new roommate introduced me to internet porn. This was in 2002 so internet porn was just starting to take off. I would watch it and i eventually trained myself to jerk off with my hand because it was more convenient. But I noticed that I could never achieve an orgasm around a guy. It got to the point that whenever I hooked up with a guy, when they asked me if I was going to cum I would just say, "Oh I usually dont come with guys." But I never had a problem having an orgasm while watching porn. So its been 16 years and I have never been able to fuck anyone or get a blowjob and cum. It has gotten to the point where even when I watch porn, I can achieve an orgasm easily, but I can't maintain wood unless I'm constantly stroking myself. And even then its only 70 percent hard. I watch videos where guys are so hard their cocks bounce up and down by themselves and i remember how I use to be like that and I feel so sad. i did research and found this site. So i tried to not watch any porn for two weeks. Just two weeks. Then one of my male friends called me to hook up and we were in his car and I got an erection. He said, "Oh my god your cock is huge when it gets hard!" and I was surprised that my cock was hard and staying hard. Even though I had to stroke it. But still that never happened before. It freaked me out and I lost my erection. Afterwards when I got home I went right back to watching my porn. Then a few months later I tried to not masturbate but just watch porn for two weeks. Afterwards when i hooked up with another guy, I was sucking his cock and stroking myself, and I actually had an orgasm. In 16 years I can count on my hand the number of times I've actually had an orgasm during a sexual encounter. Three times. That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard. I'm 37 years old. Its getting closer to a time when I'll be too old to achieve a normal erection out of old age. So i have to fix my problem now. I havent sat down and masturbated in 3 weeks, but I'm still hooked onto the porn like a drug. Which is ridiculous. Why watch porn without masturbating? But its hard to not watch it since that's what my brain is hooked on. I'm going to try to not watch any porn at all. Even just by stopping the MO(masturbating and orgasm)I've noticed how I look at things differently. Sometimes I'll see something that turns me on and my cock gets super hard. I even look at women sometimes and want to fuck them in addition to all the hot guys I cant stop staring at. I've stopped the PMO(porn masturbation orgasm), but I need to stop the P(porn). The Porn is the source of my problems. If I sit back and look at myself and ask myself is the porn worth it? Is it really worth it? My brain says, "Yes it IS worth it." lol. At least the dominant part of my brain says that. The other part knows I need to stop watching porn. Not easy at all. I wish I could say that I'm a success story like a lot that I have read, but I'm not a success story yet. I'm proud that I have given up the masturbating, but that's just the dust on top of the real actual problem. Which is the porn. If anyone is reading this, take this lesson from my mistakes. DONT GET HOOKED ON PORN. everything in moderation. I'm sure a little porn every once in awhile is fun and wont kill you. But I would watch porn multiple times a day EVERY day. And it has taken away so many years from me. And if you masturbate by using a pillow...there is a name for it but i forgot what it is. It starts with a P i think. PRONE masturbating (thank you google). DONT DO IT! Masturbate using your hand around your cock. I know most people do but some dont. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES! PLEASE! Thank you for reading this and wish me luck.

It's been almost a month now. I haven't masturbated in 3 weeks. I still am hooked on the porn. But I've noticed that my brain is getting bored of the porn. I think its figuring out that I'm not going to masturbate to it, so its losing interest in watching it. Before I quit masturbating I would watch amateur couples having sex and masturbate to it 2 to 3 times a day. Then I stopped masturbating and I began watching solo porn videos that guys i know would send me but i wouldnt masturbate to them. I would just watch them. Now it's been three weeks and I'm not into it. I'll get an email from one of the guys and its a sexy video of them. I'll open it and look at it and I think, "Who cares." My heart will skip a beat for a second, or I'll feel a slight jolt to my cock. But that's it. I have three guys that I fool around with. I told them that I wouldnt be in town for the month to give myself a break from sexual activity because of my PMO problem. It will be interesting to see how my brain and cock react whenever I do hook up. I'm glad I have been able to stop masturbating. I didnt think I'd EVER be able to stop that. The porn is getting boring too. I mean what is the point of watching porn if you're not going to masturbate to it. It makes no sense. I know its the addiction that is making me watch it. A friend of mine offered me a free membership to this porn site that he's in(he's a porn star), and I cringed. I said, "Man I would LOVE to but i can't even go there." That would be a disaster. There is one thing I'm worried about though. I hear a lot that not ejaculating is bad for your prostate. To keep a healthy prostate you should ejaculate at least once a week. I'm sure a month won't kill me or my prostate though so I'm going to take the risk and not masturbate this month.

I definitely will. I guess I reached what everyone calls flatline. It's been 25 days since I've masturbated. I was still watching porn up until yesterday with no masturbation. Ive become indifferent to watching it now. The craving for it is gone but it's not gone. A week ago I would have been on my phone telling guys to send me more videos of themselves jerking off to watch but now I am indifferent to it. this is the first day that I haven't watched any porn. Well except I was watching a tv show and there was a sex scene. I could have changed the channel but I watched. I wasn't turned on by it though. I thought, "it's just two people having sex." I still think about sex all day though. At the gym my eyes are gazing at all the muscular men. It's weird to be horny and not horny at the same time. I can't wait until I'll be able to have sex like a normal person. Or to get a blow job.

This is my 26th day of no MO and my 2nd day of no PMO. Unless you count me seeing that sex scene on the show Spartacus. Then that would mean today is my 1st day of no PMO. The flatline has definitely fixed the porn problem. I have no sex drive now which feels strange. I have no desire to watch porn or masturbate at all. I've been thinking about how cool it will be to finally have sex normally when I do but right now I don't want to. This is the longest I've gone without masturbating since I was a teenager. The most I've done is two weeks. It will be a full month in 4 days. I'm thankful for this site because had I not found it I probably would have gone to a doctor and he would have prescribed me Viagra or cialis. Which wouldn't fix the problem which i now know is the porn. Two weeks ago I couldn't see my life without porn. Now I feel like my brain is evolving. Like the flatline is a hibernation process while my brain heals whatever is wrong with the wiring between it and my cock. It's also strange being free from the addiction. I know I'm not completely healed, but because of the flatline Im not desiring the porn at all right now. I notice that I am getting more things done and I feel better about myself. I think about who I'm going to have sex with first when I start having sex again. I know this one celebrity that likes me a lot. He was always so anxious to see me have an orgasm and he wanted me to have sex with him but I couldn't because of my porn erectile dysfunction problem. It will be awesome to tell him that I will be able to do him. I wonder how long the flatline is going to last. I wonder if one day I'll wake up and be back to normal. I long for the day I'll have a full hard erection. The kind where it stands straight out and bounces at my flex. I use to be able to do that with ease. Before the porn.

My brain has figured out that I'm not going to watch porn and I'm definitely not going to masturbate so it's adjusting. I'm still dealing with the flatline. I haven't had an erection in days in any shape or form which feels strange. I've used instagram as a new habit to replace the porn. I log onto it and like and comment everyone's pictures. Just to give my brain something else to do that is not porn related. That and commenting my friends statuses on Facebook.

One of my guys sent me a text asking if I wanted to hook up. I guess I could have since it's been a month of no masturbating, but I had no desire to. It must be the flatline? Plus its only been 6 days that I haven't watched porn so I told him that I'd be back in town next week. I haven't had an erection in ages! It's so weird. Dick Death. Sleeping Penis. Penile Hibernation. Coma Dick. lol. My dick is in a coma. It's like my penis is saying, "Why am I not being masturbated?! Why are you not watching porn?! What the fuck is going on?! Well....I guess I'm just going to go to sleep then since you don't need me anymore. Except to piss...but I can do that in my sleep. Fuck you!" It's nice being free of the addiction....well...in the sense that I'm open to dealing with my life instead of avoiding it by medicating with porn. I do know that an addict is always an addict. It would be so easy to slip right back into it. I LOVVVVVVVE watching straight men fuck. I think it is the sexiest thing ever. I feel I could spend the rest of my life just watching them do it. But then I think, "What are you doing to yourself? You have completely messed up your internal plumbing because of the porn. And that is not right. If I broke my arm, I would do whatever I needed to heal it. So the same should be with my erection problem. My penis is looking at me saying, "I am not able to work when you need me to work. Unless there is porn there. No porn? No work! Period!" So I am fixing the problem. I was watching the movie Red Dragon, and Hannibal Lecter was telling Edward Norton about how the killer was becoming a better killer with each murder that he did. He said, "I believe we are making progress and this is what our killer is doing. He is refining his methods. He is evolving." And i thought about my brain. No I am not a serial killer. Nor do I condone murder. It made me think, "Me giving up watching porn...this is me making progress. This is me refining MY methods of sex. This is me EVOLVING into a more efficient person."

This flatline thing sucks. What the hell have I done to my brain. I had a dream the other night that I was at the dentist and I opened my mouth for her to check it and she saw something in my mouth and was horrified. She asked me if I had seen a witch lately and said I had this curse. Then she used some device to expose what I had in me and it was something like a worm that was going from behind my wisdom tooth into my soul. I know dreams are symbolic so I'm thinking it has to be my porn problem and how it has screwed up my existence. I hope I'll be back to normal soon.

Its been a little over a month and I had my first full blown erection while driving today. I was thinking about one of my past hookups and surprise. I haven't had a hard on like that in weeks. I still don't think I'm back to one hundred percent but I definitely thought I should document that change. Still no masturbation. Still no porn. I miss watching it but I can't go back. Not after all this hard work. Maybe one day after my brain has gotten back to normal I could every once in awhile watch it. Maybe I'll try to hook up with someone tomorrow or the next day this weekend. Just to see how my brain and cock respond. If I do I'll document what happens.

I am 13 right now, i feel very guilty for watching porn. My family is very religions and they dont know my addictoin. I am day 3 on the mind reboot. Porn is distusting and i dont want to have anything to do with it any more. I think the reason i started is because girls at school have found me unattractive, so i resorted to porn/masturbation. My life only went downhill. I thought that if i put my mind on different things like gaming, that i would stop. But porn always found a way into my life. I am glad that there are thousnads of more people out there that want to stop to. Porn recovory sites feel like home to me, but porn sites feel liek a lion cage. Thanks for reading if you did, and thanks for thhs page

So I hooked up with someone today. Its been a month and a half since I've ejaculated. First let me say I'm gay so if that offends you stop reading because it's about to get semi graphic. I went to this really attractive guys house. I met him online via my smartphone Grindr app(I highly recommend it if you're gay). I was nervous about what my cock was going to do. Anyway. I got to his place and we went into his room and started kissing and stripping. We were striking each others cocks. Mine became about 85 percent erect. He was of course 100 percent hard. As he stroked me faster I wanted to tell him to slow down but I didn't. My cock was about 90 percent hard. I went down and started sucking him and jerking my cock off at the same time. I was able to do that which is good. Usually I can't get hard at all. Little did he know that I hadn't sucked anyone and over a month. I was sucking him like a porn star in heat. He couldn't hold it anymore and said he was about to cum and he wanted to see me cum. I told him to let me keep sucking him and I could. Which I believed because I was turned on. But he couldn't hold it anymore so he came in my mouth. I stopped and he looked at the ground to see if I came and asked if I did and I said no but I was fine. Id be lying of I said I wasn't disappointed in myself. But I was able to maintain and erection the whole time. If I was able to suck him a little longer or if I fucked him I think I would have came. I wish I could be 100 percent erect. Fuck I hate this shit! I want to just say fuck it and go back to watching porn and being miserable but I'm not.

So I relapsed today and kind of yesterday. I'm gay so if that offends you please stop reading. I wonder if it has anything to do with me hooking up yesterday. After I hooked up with the guy yesterday, when I got home I masturbated without porn because I felt I should have a release after being with the guy since I didnt orgasm with him.I didnt want to have blue balls. I didnt watch any porn but I was fantasizing. Then today a friend of mine told me that he was in a porn with his girlfriend. I asked him where could I see it and he told me what to google and I saw all the sites he was on. So I was watching him and of course at the bottom of the porn sites they show OTHER videos for you to watch and I saw a thumbnail of this home video titled Milf Kitchen Quickie. It was of a really sexy straight guy with a perfect bubble butt and big thighs, wearing gray sweatpants that turn me on, banging his wife while she was washing dishes.So of course I clicked on it and he was REALLY good and i said, "Oh I have to masturbate to this." So like any addict I gave in to my brain's selfish desires. Of course I feel awful now. And frustrated. I'm not going to go on a porn binge, although I really want to. Its funny how i can have an orgasm in under a minute watching porn if I wanted to. But with a regular person I can't cum at all. Paging Don Jon(great movie). I'm so frustrated and upset with myself. I feel like Sigourney Weaver in the movie "Alien" where there's this big giant problem (the alien aka my porn addiction) on her ship that's killing everyone and there's little she can do. And they're asking the droid robot how do you stop it and he's looking back at at them from his severed head like they're crazy and saying, "you can't stop it. Its a perfect organism." Even if I never watch porn ever again(which is impossible), the addiction will always be there, just biding it's time. Waiting for me to give in. So I fell off the horse. I'm going to have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on.

I It's not unusual for guys to relapse after sex or masturbation. Maybe because it triggers dormant pathways, or temporarily elevates dopamine. We call it the chaser effect. See - What is "the chaser effect?"

By the way, the reason I placed a trigger warning was not because it was a gay encounter, it's because it was graphic enough to trigger readers. I get hate mail all the time about my YBOP series. because it has models in lingerie on one slide. Guys are very sensitive.

Chaser effect. Interesting. It definitely makes sense. Thanks for showing me that. That makes me feel a little better. I'd be lying if i said I don't feel frustrated. I figured that's why you put trigger warning. I was going to censor it but i felt that I should say what happened just so people would know or learn from my encounter or mistakes.

I had a dream last night that I was driving a car but it was dark and the road was all giant hills so I couldn't really see where I was going. Then I hit a steep hill and the car went sideways and toppled over and off a cliff and I was in the car upside down falling and falling thinking that I'm dead and waiting for it to crash. Then I woke up. I know it symbolizes my relapse. How I'm not sure if any of this is going to work and how hard it is to stay the course and how I fucked up by relapsing.

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