Army SPC Cassandra Lee Cassavant

21, of Cornish, Maine, assigned to Satellite Communications Specialist, Fort Hood, took her own life on Aug. 3, 2007, while serving in the U.S. Army.

She was born on Jan. 1, 1986, in Portsmouth, N.H., the daughter of Christine A. Peabody Hensley and Michael J. Cassavant.

To honor SPC Cassandra Lee Cassavant, her daughter, Chyann retrieved this stone from Fort Williams which is where you would find the Portland Headlight. This is what this stone says about SPC Cassavant.

Cassandra wanted to be an Astronaut. She was fun loving and inclusive. She helped others and her constant smile and positive attitude was contagious. She cared for others. She was smart and fun. She emulated the example of Christ is all she did and was very influential in the lives of others. She helped guide others to make good decisions and talk them out of making poor decisions. Cassandra loved her job in the Army and was the GO-TO person for her expertise and her enthusiasm. There is a great story when she raised everyone’s spirits in her Army unit when she playfully wrestled with another solider in the muddy ground. She always seem to know what others needed, she provided that extra kick to keep them focused and moving forward. She was fortunate to have her choice of her military specialty and she chose Satellite Communications which she just loved. She loved hiking and had a goal of hiking the Appalachian Trail. She love to challenge herself mentally and physically, but everything she did, she did with a smile.

Spc Cassandra Lee Cassavant

2007/08/03

“Beloved Daughter, Mother, Soldier”

Written by Christine Hensley-Gold Star Mother

Christine writes each of us has purpose; do you want to know Cassandra’s? There are so many pieces of her tossing around my broken heart, like pebbles beating on pebbles battling on the beach, no winners, no destination just tumbled this way, then that. Over time her memories lose their sharpness becoming sweeter, smoother, softer. Then like a warm whisper of a breeze on a hot summer day my problem is spoken.

Who do I pick today to tell her story, to refresh in my mind, my only daughter, and my future? I want Cassandra to know she was loved by me no matter what the circumstances. However the love could have two sides, the kind, loving and the judgmental, constantly corrective side. Funny whatever I was correcting her about, she still managed a smile, a hug, and a brief glance that told me she was alright, safe and hopeful for the future.

I assumed she was on the mend. She was working to getting off base so she could send for daughter who was five. But the hope was shattered again with the sound of silence. No more words to say, no more ways to let her know, she did not need to carry everyone’s pain. She had visited the mental health clinic on base. I assumed she was getting the help she so desperately needed.

She was supposed to have the surgery that would make the physical pain end. Then she could go on with her life. She could go to IRAQ, IRAQ, IRAQ! Of all people, I knew she was hurting and stood by and did nothing. Now I bear the brunt of her actions. Some say she was selfish. Some say she was heartless for leaving a child behind. In any case her the ones who do remember, recall her honor, her sacrifice, her dedication to her job. She did what she could to keep them happy and secure, steadfast in the job of living a life well lived, an honorable life.

Family members don’t want to talk about what Cassandra’s choice. What she did to keep her dignity, she felt by not being here on this side of life, she would be giving us a life without her personal pain. She felt she was doing her duty by taking herself out. Some say she was no hero. She is not to be remembered at all. Not to be thought of because she did what she felt would stop the painful tickers because of the twisted ways in which she was mishandled by others imposing their will on her. I will NOT STOP talking about it. SUICIDE. It is not going away by shaming the people left behind. We suffer too. I thank anyone who has the courage to focus on what she did, NOT how she left. The people left behind, we suffer too.

I have made a facebook page called Inmemoryofcassandracassavant, feel free to visit or her memorial page at http://www.cassandra-cassavant.memory_of.com Thank you so much remembering my daughter. 22 Vets and one active military person dies everyday in the United States! Please visit http://www.afsp.org to see what is being done to help stop this tragic number from climbing!!

TSP May 24, 2015
Christine: I thank God for the opportunity to carry the “Honor Stone” for your daughter SPC Cassandra Cassavant. I thank Him also that you, Cassandra’s mother, was on our climbing team and at the base camp all weekend. You and I were drawn to each other. We Gold Star Mothers know and feel what the other carries in her heart.

You shared A LOT about Cassie and I listened intently. I shared a lot about my son James and you listened with compassion. We shared about our “mother journey” A LOT. I came to TSP with questions- hard questions that I hoped you could answer for me about Cassandra. When I was assigned Cassandra’s stone to carry, I read her bio and cried a lot. I pondered and carried Cassandra and you, her mother, and young daughter Chyann every day. I had such questions because Cassandra took her own life at Ft Hood. I just needed to know the whole story. Christine – you courageously told it to me all weekend in such detail.

I was so sorry that you (and Major David) decided you were unable to climb on our team and carry your “Honor Stone”. I cried for your disappointment and mine for not having you hiking at my side (we would have both hiked slowly and talked ALOT…!) But you carried your “Honor Stone” just the same at base camp on the nature hike. Good Job Christine! You were a blessing of strength to me as I am sure you were to others at base camp.

As I climbed, my thoughts of you and Cassandra were easier. You taught me about Cassandra and about suicide. Leading your Suicide support group has given you understanding and strength. God has given you strength as He has me. Cassandra served our Country and protected me and my family for 3 ½ yrs. For that I am so grateful to her. She did well. Her team mates loved her and went to her for guidance and help because she was that “go-to” person in her Satellite Communications Specialty. She helped others with her constant smile (like yours I think!), and her contagious positive attitude. Cassandra cared for others like Christ does. She did well! Yes she also had a great struggle that she couldn’t conquer. Even in that she looked after others around her first. I still wish I could have known her and spent time with her – I know she would have encouraged my soul.

And so being a part of TSP 2015 this weekend has given me understanding and compassion in a way I didn’t have before. Thank You Christine. In our sorrow together we have grown and I thank God for that. God Bless you Christine. Gratefully, Jane Zimmerman 060215

The residents and recreation staff of the Maine Veterans’ Homes in Scarborough had Cassandra’s living memorial with us for a week. On Saturday, July 11th, we participated in the ceremony and kick-off of the Wounded Heroes Ride 2015. During the ceremony, Cassandra was held in the hands of one of the participants while the founder and organized of the ride, Pam Payeur spoke. After Pam’s speech, she brought Cassandra’s living memorial on the motorcycle ride with her. Pam works all year round planning this Wounded Heroes Ride, and we were ecstatic when she brought Cassandra.

The residents and staff found a connection to where Cassandra’s stone was retrieved, Fort Williams. Fort Williams is a place we go often to have picnic lunches and listen to the waves. During our outings, looking at all the different shapes, sizes and colors of the rocks is something we all enjoy doing. We couldn’t help but think how you were able to pick just one, because there are so many beautiful rocks that are nestled along the coast in Cape Elizabeth.

It brought much honor to our staff, residents, as well as community to have had SPC Cassandra Lee Cassavant be a part of a weekend honoring that our past, present, and fallen soldiers are never forgotten.

Cassandra Lee Cassavant, I hope that I can find the words to articulate to your family how you have been an inspiration to me and given me an inner empowerment that is difficult to explain. It would be an honor and a privilege to some day meet your family.

I had the honor of being invited, by Heather Grace Audet, to be a member of the The Summit Project (TSP) Team for the Maineiacs Charities 5K. I submitted a request to carry the stone of one of the female soldiers; this is how I met Cassandra. I was struggling mentally with worrying about how I was going to connect with this young lady that I never had the privildge of meeting. I was immediately affected by her story and drawn to her smile when I looked at her picture. The picture appears to be a candid shot of her in her uniform with other soldiers sitting closely around her. I felt like it embodied all of the things her family and friends shared about her; her sense of duty and pride to serve her country, being the go-to person, listener and advisor, approachable and always doing it with a smile.

I took on this challenge knowing I needed to get serious about preparing to walk 3.1 miles with up to 20lbs in a pack. I was not in good shape and struggled to walk 2 miles without being wiped out. I was determined not to let Cassandra down, I wanted to ensure I could do my duty in honoring her. Outside of preparing for Basic Training in the Air Force, I have never really trained for something. I’ve gone to the gym on and off over the years but never anything so purposeful.

As I was walking during my second trek of three miles it started to rain. I was hit by a waive of emotions that stopped me in my tracks and I began to cry. I looked up and I spoke to her as I felt like she had just spoken to me. During my training I have been chatting to her in my head and various songs provided deeper messages to me that brought me closer to her. When I trained it was not just me, it was we. When I felt like I could not do the whole three miles I was pushed to finish for her. Cassandra’s character qualities reminded me of who I used to be, she guided me back to my inner strength, my spirit that I had lost, the spunk, my inner Phoenix has risen because of her. I want to share with her daughter Chyann, her mother Christine; her family… the continued positive impact her mother, their daughter, granddaughter, neice, cousin has had on others. Not only has she inspired me to Be All I Can Be, to use the Army tag line, because of her impact on me the ripple effect has touched those around me. Friends and family have seen the positive affect and some even know it has come directly from the impact Cassandra has had on me. I share her story; she was a mother, she was an Army Specialist stationed at Fort Hood, that she had a really cool job in satellite communications that she really enjoyed and was good at, how she wanted to an astronaut, how her positivity was contagious, that she was a spiritual person, that she loved to tie-dye, that she loved to hike and wanted to hike on the AT and that she helped others when they were struggling, even while dealing with her own struggles she was still there for them.

This connection has been something I could have never imagined, I am overwhelmed by how she has touched me so deeply through her character qualities. There is something about her enthusiasm and charisma that her family and friends have shared in posts about her that has spoken to me. She has guided me to find that inner strength to continue to challenge myself as I was letting mental barriers hold me back. Not only have I been getting into physical shape, in August I registered to study for a job certification, continuing my mental improvement as well and have gained connections through this event and TSP that will have a lasting effect on me.

As I’ve been preparing for the TSP Team memorial walk I have participated in several 5Ks along the way. I had the opportunity present its self to be involved with the Jay Brainard III Scholarship 5K; a group of us carried the TSP stone for Jay and meet more of Jay’s family. I walked in the Newport Cultural Center fundraiser 5K; hometown support. I will be walking the 10k Across The Bay on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge in November with my daughter; something that would not have been possible for me less than a year ago!! I was invited last minute to participate in the Susan G Komen 5K just a couple weeks ago. I was excited and nervous as this was a certified race with serious competitors. This was a big challenge for me, a deeper challenge. I felt as it was my moment to prove that I really can do this, I AM doing this. I have only run a few miles in my training, I don’t enjoy it, but I was going to push myself to run/walk this event. As I was running down Buck Street the song Resolution came on my phone… as this stanza finished…

Raise your head up high
So the heavens hear you cry
Light the brightest fire
From the highest mountain
So the whole world knows, that your spirit cant be broken.

I looked up to heavens as the sun was breaking through the clouds and I pointed up to Cassandra and thanked her for inspiring me. Because of her I was there, I crossed the finish line, I am a stronger woman and I am having fun “Being All I Can Be!” This did not end on Sunday, September 27th when I carried her stone, this is just the beginning. As I had started training I did not want to let her down, as I’ve progressed I am of the mind set now I cannot let myself down. Cassandra is still guiding and influencing others. On 9/27/15 I carried her stone in my hand, but I will forever carry her spirit in my heart.

Thank you for your service Army SPC Cassandra Lee Cassavant and thank you for continuing to guide and inspire others. MHANF

It was an awesome pleasure to meet you, your husband and Cassandra’s daughter on 10-17-2015 Summit Project at Acadia. I had the honor and distinct pleasure in the spring event to Mt Katadin of transporting her stone there. God Bless and may she never be forgotten !!

I really don’t know where to begin. I was asked to be a part of the Summit Project by Major David Cote. When I looked in to what exactly the Summit Project was, I instantly loved the idea of getting to know a fallen soldier. This was not an organization to help veterans in general, this was an opportunity to get to know a soldier on a much more personal level.

I had the honor of carrying the story and stone of Army Specialist, Cassandra L. Cassavant of Cornish, Maine. Before the hike, I only knew of Cassandra through the computer screen. I found out about her infectious smile and how she made everyone around her feel better. I found out that she wanted to be an astronaut and was working toward that. I found out that she was born in my home state of New Hampshire and the stone that I was to carry was from Fort Williams in Cape Elizabeth, my current home town. I found out she was a Communications Specialist; I am a broadcaster. Many similarities gave me a sense of who this young, vibrant woman was, but I really didn’t know her until I met her daughter Chyann. Chyann is 14 years old and I instantly loved her. She is bright, funny and very, very smart. She reminded me of the woman I had read so much about. Chyann, I am convinced, is the GO-TO person in her circle of friends, just like her Mom was. She is an old soul and I am happy to know her! She has ambition and I can’t wait to see what she does with the light inside of her.

Cassandra’s mother Christine was at ANP to greet me as well and, like her grand-daughter Chyann, she exuded a warmth and a peace that I could not help but admire. Christine’s life has been forever changed, like so many families of the people no longer with us. She carries Cassie forever in her memories, but Cassie seems to be still very much here because of Chyann, Christine and The Summit Project. I’m sure her influence is still felt in other lives that I am not even aware of.

I love The Summit Project. It was a great experience for both my husband, David and me. We met some fantastic people on the hike who took every step with us, laughed at some really funny moments and cried with us at the summit as we shared the stories of the people we took with us.

Thank you, David, for the invitation, thank you to all on TEAM KEBO!!! And most of all, thank you Cassie. Thank you for your service, thank you for the opportunity to get to know your family and thank you for the encouragement up to the the top of that mountain when I was huffing and puffing and thinking I shouldn’t have eaten that second muffin for breakfast!

All the best, see you soon,
Sarah Sullivan-Newsam
WPOR-FM, Portland, Maine

This letter comes a bit late, but filled with love and thanksgiving for the opportunity to run with Cassandra’s stone during the Maine Half Marathon on October 4.

Reading the biographies of the heroes TSP has lifted up is always an emotional venture. When I read Christine’s story of Cassandra’s dedication, and “Go-To” presense, I thought of the soldiers I had served with at that age, and could envision her file and rank. I wanted to hold her name up for her service and sacrifices. I wanted to tell her story to those that dared ask why I ran with a pack and patches and flags.

One conversation I had about 10 miles in, slightly before Pason’s park stuck hard with me. A runner came up hard behind me to ask. Cassandra’s story is a bit different than others I have carried. When I said she had taken her own life, and I ran because she needed the healing just as any soldier with a battle wound would, our conversation turned to others that have committed suicide. As a high school teacher this is something that is terrifyingly present, and so difficult to discuss, but so necessary to do so. Cassandra volunteered her life when she took her oath with right hand raised. It was the same oath I took, and countless others. Our conversation was brief, but it struck hard.

When I pulled her stone out for the last couple of miles I had to stop to rearrange my pack. I don’t know how many people wished me well and thanked me as I struggled to get back running, but all of them had heard me talk with one runner or another during the race. It was awesome knowing that our conversation carried into other runners. It was an honor to carry CPL Cassandra Cassavant’s stone, and honor her life, and recognize her death. There is great pain in many of our soldiers, and I pray they get the treatment they need just as others are physically healed.

From what I’ve read and learned about Cassandra is that she was such a lovely person that was just going through some really hard times mentally and physically. Cassandra was a fighter. I’m glad that she fought for our country. I’m thankful she kept us all safe. It takes a lot of courage to go into war. Personally I don’t know if I could do that, it takes a good mind set. I’m honestly glad that I got the chance to climb Bradbury Mountain while holding Cassandra’s stone.

Cassandra is not the only one that has struggled with depression and PTSD. Personally I can relate. It’s a very hard thing to deal with. It’s like drowning while everyone around you is breathing. I look up to Cassandra. I look up to how brave and strong she was. She didn’t deserve all the hard times that life threw at her. But I know for a fact that heaven has a beautiful angel.

Thank you so much for being a part of the Summit project. If it wasn’t for you guys then I wouldn’t of even known that Cassandra existed. I’m glad that I got the chance to learn about her. Just know that you guys had a very beautiful, strong, fighting, hero.

On Friday December 4th 2015, I was given the honor to carry the rock, that was specially picked out by Cassandra’s daughter Chyann, that represents Cassandra up Mt. Bradbury.
As I hiked the mountain, I didn’t struggle with the physical weight of the rock, but I struggled with the emotional weight it put on my heart. Even not knowing her personally, she was clearly very loved by family and friends and having the honor to guard this special rock and bring it up another mountain, which happened to be a favorite hobby of Cassandra, made me very emotional.
When I was younger, I had a babysitter whom I loved very much that served in the army as well right after high school. Before she left for service, she gave me a journal so that I could write to her. In the first page, she wrote, “No matter how far away I may be, I’ll always be right in your heart. Fill these pages with all of your hopes and dreams so that the next time I see you we can have so many topics to discuss.” Unfortunately she passed away in service and I don’t get to share all of my hopes and dreams with her. As I’m writing this, I think of her and all of her family and how tragic it was to lose her.
While hiking up the mountain, I received a sudden feeling of relief because I remembered what I had written back to my babysitter. I remembered all of my hopes and dreams and felt that even though this wasn’t the stone that represents my babysitter, but it was the stone of someone else that was truly loved and was the most caring and giving person to all of her family, like my babysitter. I like to think that my babysitter still listens to my hopes and dreams and watches me and is proud. I felt as though Cassandra, that day, was the one watching me and listening to my hopes and dreams. I pray that all of the family and friends of Cassandra knows that she is also watching over them and that it comforts them like it did for me.
Overall, it was a very honorable field trip that gave me a huge relief and made me emotional. I wish nothing but the best for your family and all of Cassandra’s friends. Thank you for giving me the chance to renew my outlook on life and remember the ones that I have lost and giving me the chance to remind myself that even after life, family and friends and even strangers can still appreciate me and remember the good that I did while I was alive.

When I was walking around with a 2 pound stone on my back, it didn’t feel like 2 pounds at all. It felt like 2 ounces. Why you may wonder?
It was a stone from Fort Williams, where the daughter of Cassandra Cassavant retrieved it. She retrieved it in honor of her mom, who is a fallen veteran, or I would say “a fallen Maine hero.”
When the stone felt heavy, I would just remember why I was carrying this stone and it would put a smile on my face and I kept moving. Although the hike was only 4 miles, I wish it was more so I could have honored my hero longer. I hope somewhere in heaven, Cassandra could see that event, to know she was not forgotten, but well liked.

My name is Lydia Jacobs and I had the honor of carrying the stone and the story of Cassandra Cassavant to the summit of Owl a few weeks ago. In the days leading up to the hike I had the pleasure of speaking with a hiker who had carried her stone for a previous summit and I was so moved by the impact Cassandra had on her.
As the youngest of three girls, I have always looked up to my older sisters. I found that Cassandra reminds me a lot of my middle sister who joined the Army last year and is an MP. I can remember growing up and my sister being my GO-TO about absolutely everything. Even when she was mad at me she was readily available for a hug or advice or whatever I needed.
I felt connected to Cassandra because of this and the weight of her story was immense. I couldn’t help but hurt as if I had lost a sister. Hiking with Cassandra was an honor.

Today Angel Matson and I hiked up Table Rock Mountain in Maine with 30 children who all have a parent or sibling currently serving in the military. They carried 24 stones up the mountain today. Here is a letter from the campers that had the honor of carrying your hero.

“I carried Cassandra’s stone up the mountain today. Part of the hike was a mountain in the Appalachian Trail and I was honored to have done that with her since she wanted to be able to do that. I have always wanted to do the Appalachian Trail as well so it was amazing to carry someone who has the same dream as I have. She died a hero and is an inspiration to all those who hear her story. It was a tremendous honor to carry her stone and to learn a part of her story.

Dear family and friends of SPC Cassandra Lee Cassavant, Yesterday, marking the 15th Anniversary of 911 , I had the honor of participating in the Summit Project, and carrying the memory of Cassandra with me as a group of us hiked Mount Tom in the White Mountains, Southwest of Crawford Notch. While I had the opportunity to carry other memory stones, in learning about Cassandra, I knew that she was the one that I wanted her to be with me as I hiked my very first 4000 ft. mountain. Her young life brought back memories of my frequent visits to Fort Williams, where I would often reflect on life’s challenges, and anticipate the future. In retrospect, my challenges paled in comparison to Cassandra’s, and she was much younger than I at the time. A short time with us and so much responsibility. As we prepared for our hike and the pending weather front that was working its way through the area, I was reminded of the lyrics from a song appropriately titled “Everybody’s got a Mountain to climb”

Everybody’s got a mountain to climb
This road we travel gets a little tough sometimes
Sometimes I know you feel like you can’t go on
Need somebody help you get back home
Need a friend to help you find your way home

I was honored to have Cassandra with me as we climbed my first mountain together. And I will always be reminded of this journey when I venture off on my next climb. And to Chyan, you can be proud knowing that your Mom continues to inspire people to do their best, and to care for others. I hope that maybe you will fulfill your Mom’s dream of becoming an Astronaut. I know she would be very proud.

This October i had the honor of participating in the ANP hike and carrying the stone and story of Cassandra Cassavant. As I read her stories and talked to her family I was struck by the kindness and love she gave to everyone around her. Her perseverance in her chosen profession and her desire to help others marked her as someone I would have loved to know in person. Unfortunately she found herself in a situation that was bigger than her heart and greater than her strength alone.

Throughout the hike I thought of her struggles and her passion for those she cared about. I looked to my team mates and followed her example of helping them to reach a common goal. I also thought of my own daughter, who also chose to leave us way to soon.

Cassandra was a brave and kind soul who left this world a better place for her presence here. Learning her story and meeting her family is an experience i will carry with me always.

Thank you so much for honoring our daughter, We were so sad to hear about your story as well. We will pray for us both to remember the good times, all the precious memories that make up so much more than the way they left this earth. Hugs Christine Hensley

I am student from Edward Little High School, and I had the opportunity to carry Cassandra’s stone for The Summit Project.
The day we were told that we were climbing up the Streaked Mountain, I thought it was going to be terrible because I don’t usually hike. On my way up, I was complaining how hard it was. However, as I got to the top, I realized how stupid I sounded. I realized how brave Cassandra was doing the amazing mission for our country and her family, too. Her job was a lot harder than me climbing a mountain.
While I was hiking up, I also remembered how Cassandra had a goal of hiking the Appalachian trail, and I wanted to do this hike for her. I was thinking about how life is something that you cannot take back, and I thought about Cassandra. She risked her life for us so we could be free, and living in an amazing country that is safe. I wanted to make sure I made her proud during the hike.
When we got to the top of the mountain, I talked about how amazing Cassandra was. She was phenomenal. She for cared others and she looked like one of those people who would not give up. I also love how she did everything with a smile.
I also wanted to say thank you to Christine for the great opportunity to take the rock and honor your daughter for her service to our country. I learned lots of great things about your daughter while I was doing my research on her. She was an incredible human being and will not be forgotten.

On January 7, 2016 I had the honor of carrying the memorial stone of Cassandra. I knew I wanted to carry her stone from the time I placed it into the honor case at the Portland International Jetport. I made sure it was right in front as family and friends would be coming through the airport for the holidays. While reading the honor card, I was struck by how young Cassandra was, just 21 years old.

As her stone was placed in my hands, I felt like her spirit was moving through me. I got the goosebumps and tears in my eyes. One of the coincides of the day was that the hiker next to me knew that Cassandra had attended the vocational program at Lake Region High School. It was nice to learn something about her even before we started our study session.

In learning about Cassandra’s life, she was ambitious, a friend to all, loved her job in the Army and was working toward having her daughter come to live with her at Fort Hood. She also liked to read. Harry Potter was a favorite.

One of my favorite quotes is from Mother Teresa, “Do small things with great love”. I think that Cassandra embodied that in many of things she did in her short life. She colored pictures to send home to her young daughter while she was in basic training. To many a colored picture is a small thing, something children do every day. I work with young children and watch them color. It is part of their work as children as they learn about their world. They also put love into their coloring. This is what Cassandra did for her daughter, Chyann. She put great love into a small, every day moment. She took time to make a picture her child would enjoy. It is thoughtful and loving when we give of ourselves. A treasure.

Cassandra gave love to all around her. She deserves to be honored and remembered for the person she was when she was with us. She served our country as a soldier. She was a mother, daughter and friend.

Thank you for sharing your memories of Cassandra with me. In the future I would like to carry her stone while hiking part of the Appalachian Trail. It was something she had wanted do in life. It would be my honor to have her with me. MHANF

My thoughts on Saturday’s frigid and windy walk to Portland Head Light were with Cassandra. Her service in the Army had taken her to Fort Hood and a landscape far different from that of the coast of Maine. I could only feel that I helped her connect once again with the beauty and the power of the ocean meeting the land.

There is a time to reflect on life.
A time to hold the meaning of it in your hand.
If only for a second.

I carried a piece of that time with her stone as we shared the afternoon.

May 27, 2017 TSP event. It was an honor and privilege once again to transport Cassandra’s stone to Twin Pines in East Millinocket to be hiked up to the summit of Mt. Katadin. This is my third year of having this privilege.

Since her daughter, Chyann, found Cassandra’s stone at Fort Williams, I figured I’d write this note to you from there. I find Fort Williams to be a place of peace and reflection. Cassandra was so young yet had done more than most her age – she had a beautiful daughter and served our country. And that we celebrate.

No matter how long we are here on this earth, isn’t the point to have positively impacted people’s lives in some way? Cassandra clearly made a difference in the lives of those with whom she served. And, she has impacted me. Her life is one that makes you think more deeply about the people in your life, those you encounter in passing, and those who will come into your life in the future. Are we paying enough attention to people, really hearing them, and recognizing and honoring their experiences and struggles?

It was an absolute privilege to carry Cassandra’s stone up the Owl over Memorial Day weekend. As I learned about her life, I was struck most by the pictures of her and how she was viewed by her fellow soldiers. She had an infectious smile and that’s what I focused on as I shared her story at the summit. I think people who smile a lot, people like Cassandra, feel life more, differently, and deeper than others. It is extraordinary that Cassandra was able to overcome her pain so often to help bring joy and comfort to others.

After the hike, Ben Demers’ mother accepted Cassandra’s stone on your behalf. She said she has learned that grief is love with nowhere to land. I hope TSP provides you with a little feeling of where love can land.

To the Family & Friends of Army SPC Cassandra Cassavant,
I had the distinct honor and privilege of participating in a local Summit Project event this Veteran’s Day weekend. At a time when our country can feel so polarized, it was refreshing and humbling to take part in such a profound event, and it is something I will never forget.
My assigned hero was your Army Specialist Cassandra Cassavant, who took her own life in August 2007. While her manner of death can be a controversial subject, I quickly realized that my assignment was not to tell about how she died, but rather how she lived. She was a young mother who turned to the service to help provide for herself and her daughter. She was smart and well-liked by her peers. They often referred to her as “Momma Cass” and she would cook for them in the barracks whenever she could. She loved to tie-dye, had all the Nirvana songs on her playlist, loved to read, particularly Harry Potter, and loved to hike. She even had a goal of one day hiking the Appalachian Trail. (I later found out that her stone has hiked the Appalachian Trail – so awesome!)
On Saturday, I carried Cassandra’s stone to the summit of Blue Hill Mountain. It was there, in the biting wind and cold temperatures, that myself and 12 other hikers shared the stories of our fallen heroes. The physical discomforts we were feeling from the hike and the weather were nothing compared to loss you felt when Cassandra didn’t come home.
I continued my respects to Cassandra by carrying her stone in a 4-mile Veterans Race hosted by the Downeast Family YMCA. It wasn’t a race about coming in first or setting records, but rather, taking the time to feel the weight as I ran. And be reminded of the weight all our veterans bear as they serve our country. I remember wondering how such an inert object like a stone could convey a sense of a living memorial, but running along the river on a cold November morning, it can, and it does.
I will never truly understand the pain and suffering, both physically and mentally, that Cassandra must have been suffering to feel like suicide was her only option. But what I have learned through this journey is that Cassandra made the most of her time here on earth. Thank you for enlisting her in The Summit Project so that others may learn and share her story. #mhanf

On 8/18/17 I received an email from Sgt Ly with confirmation that our Veterans Day event in Ellsworth, Maine would again (for year number 3) be granted custody of ten Summit Project memorial stones. Among the names, for the first time, I immediately noted Cassandra L. Cassavant. For three years, as the organizer of this event, and as a woman, I have waited to see her name, to honor her life and her service, and to bring her spirit and memory to Downeast Maine. I’d read her memorial page on the TSP website. I had researched what I could about her online, and I had come to learn of her strength and her dedication. I had spoken with people who’d also carried Cassandra’s stone in TSP events, and I had spent time preparing for my chance to honor her. I was truly humbled to see her name on that list, but, as fate would have it, I had decided to ask ten new people to carry stones this year and I would not be carrying one. I randomly assigned the stones and was incredibly pleased to have Leann, a strong woman with young children dedicated to reaching her goals and advancing in her career, paired up with Cassandra. Leann read from the Poem called “The Dash” by Linda Ellis atop Blue Hill Mountain in our sacred circle, and I remember when she read this line: “For that dash represents all the time that they spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.” I knew that brief excerpt in the poem encompassed Cassandra’s family and now also the TSP family who’ve been fortunate to learn about and love her. The poem emphasizes the meaning in the dash between the date of birth and the date of death, and encourages making the most of those years. Cassandra did that in her short time on Earth. I knew in my heart that Leann understood that as well, and Cassandra’s memory would remain in her heart.

When I returned the other stones from our event, I was afforded the honor of retaining Cassandra’s stone. I was scheduled to attend a Veterans’ Symposium on December 12th and would bring her stone with me on that day to be returned. I spent the next few weeks bringing her stone back and forth to work with me. I placed her small stone gently in the dust bag each morning and then tucked her between the monitors on my desk each day. I thought a lot about her dedication to her job and her dreams to become an astronaut. Cassandra was focused, hard working and a go-to person in the Army for her expertise and enthusiasm. I felt peaceful having her there with me each day, and looking at her stone brought a smile to my face. When I started to feel bogged down by the demands of the job, I thought about Cassandra. How would she handle this scenario? Often times, I found myself looking for the positive in the situation. What could I learn from it? How could I become better from it? I felt like Cassandra would also have taken this approach, and I like to think she has helped me embrace that way of living in my everyday life. Each night I brought her home with me and settled her small red stone amongst “the boys” on the stand next to my side of the couch. Along with Cassandra’s stone I also had the stones of Jay Brainard, Andrew Hutchins and Kevin Balduf (the boys) for several weeks after the event. They all became a fixture in our home, members of our family, and I looked forward to spending my evenings with them.

My family was blessed to have Cassandra and the boys with us on Thanksgiving, and I made sure their stones were a part of our family events. We welcomed Cassandra’s presence, and I took the time to talk with my guests about her service and her life. While we ate together as a family, with our Summit Project heroes on the window sill behind the table, I thought about her family on Thanksgiving. Was her daughter, Chyann, gathered around a table with her mother, Christine? Despite their sadness, on their tenth Thanksgiving without her, were they remembering the wonderful times they had with her? Were they reminiscing about their favorite holiday memories with her? I like to think that we will remember the year Cassandra was with us on Thanksgiving, and we will talk about her as one of our favorite holiday memories. In the morning on Black Friday, instead of shopping, one of the participants in our Veterans Day event joined me and we climbed to the top of Blue Hill Mountain for a second time. In our packs we carried Cassandra and the boys. This time, with no bitter cold and no wind gusts, we were able to sit on the summit and talk about each of the stones we carried. We talked candidly about the choices each soldier made and how they did what they felt to be the best move in the moment. We spent some time contemplating what pain Cassandra must have endured to believe her final move was the best move in that moment. And we agreed that a mother will always do what she feels is best for her chid, and how much she must have loved Chyann.

On December 9th I packed Cassandra and Kevin Balduf in their bags, and I headed north to run in the Millinocket Marathon and Half. I was registered for the Half Marathon and intended to run with only Kevin’s stone. The night before I decided to give it my all and run the full Marathon, and I also decided to carry both stones. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Cassandra alone it the cabin, and I knew with her and Kevin by my side I would be unstoppable. The morning of the Marathon I put both stones in a (poorly planned) string backpack and headed to the start. It became clear within the first mile that I would not be able to run with both stones in the pack as they were bouncing around and I could not secure the pack tight enough. I removed Kevin’s stone and ran with it in my hands, and I kept Cassandra’s in the pack as hers was smaller and Kevin’s had pointed edges. Despite the small size and smooth edges of her stone, Cassandra made her presence known at every turn. I felt the pull of the strings into my shoulders and her small stone bounced mercilessly off my lower back as I ran along the Golden Road toward Mount Katahdin. I felt a wonderful connection with her that day and thought a lot about how she would have approached this challenge. My first Summit Project hosted hike was in Baxter State Park in 2017. We stayed at the Northeast Outdoor Center that weekend, and I remembered eating lunch with the hiker carrying Cassandra’s stone. That same hiker was on my team for the Acadia National Park hike in October and we again had the chance to talk about Cassandra. I felt so grateful that I would be carrying her stone and story with me in Millinocket that day as I embarked on my greatest physical challenge to date. As we all continued our journey toward the finish I spent time with many other runners on the route. I talked about Kevin and Cassandra. I told as many people as I could about their lives and their service. I took every opportunity to tell the other runners that day about The Summit Project. As I approached the finish line for the Half I knew I was in a position to complete the second loop, but I felt it would be unwise to continue with Cassandra’s stone in my pack. When I stopped to remove her stone I made a promise to her that I would be better prepared for the next time around, and I thanked her as I handed her stone to my friend for safe return to our cabin. I went on to finish the Marathon and remember my friend telling me, “Cassandra is in your room” when we returned to the cabin. I love it when our heroes become people and not just stones. It warms my heart and confirms that I have made steps toward accomplishing my mission to help ensure that Maine Heroes are Not Forgotten.

Due to a winter storm on December 12th I was not able to make the 3 hour trip to the Veterans Symposium. Because of that storm my family was blessed to have Cassandra as a part of our Christmas. While my five year old opened his presents, and we basked in the magic of the holiday through the eyes of child, I found myself wondering how Cassandra had celebrated Christmas with Chyann in those first four years they shared. Did they have traditions that they loved? Were there specifics that Cassandra pulled from her own childhood and passed on to her daughter – a stocking or a special breakfast on Christmas morning? As we ate together around our family table I was so grateful to have Cassandra with us and a part of our family. Another wonderful experience to add to our Christmas memories.

I have been so very blessed to have Cassandra in my home and a part of my life for the last two months. She has shared special moments with us, and she has come to be a part of our family. I thank you, truly, for allowing Cassandra’s story to be told and remembered through The Summit Project. She has touched my life on a daily basis and was a part of one of my biggest personal achievements. I felt her presence and her encouragement every step of those 13.1 miles we covered together. I hope one day to meet you, Christine and Chyann, and to hear your stories of Cassandra. Until then we will continue to make our own memories with her here in Downeast Maine.

The summit project was a task everyone should be willing to do; I selected a person to give space to remember them, they’re hard ships, they’re family, and how they lived and died for what they believed in. Cassandra Cassavant endured many hardships throughout life. Cassandra took her life, so I am not sure of the contributing factors, but her final act is not what people should remember her for. Veterans who commit suicide, a significant issue today, should never be referred to as “the soldier who killed herself/herself”, she had a name, she had a life, she had a family, and she had a story. I do not believe that is what she should be defined as.

I climbed for Cassandra; she was important to a lot of people, her family, her daughter, her platoon, and everyone else who she positively affected in her lifetime. She made others laugh when they were down. At this moment, she is important to me as I chose not to remember the negatives. What I chose to remember is how Cassandra loved her daughter, how she cared for people in the military, and how much she meant to many people, including myself now.

During the hike up Tumbledown I was scared of heights; mainly of falling. Doing something greater than myself pushed me; I climbed through the rocks, and the mud. I climbed higher and higher and I kept telling myself; “I am almost there”. I kept climbing until the entire sun shined on my face. When I got to Tumbledown pond I felt a huge weight being lifted, because I knew it was going to get easier and the summit was within reach. Everyone has to endure hardships through life, that is given, it is how you face them, and how you endure them that gets you to the top of the mountain you face. If you give up you fail, but if you endure the hardships and get to the top you find true happiness along the way. You will always have to walk back down and that is one of the difficult parts; life is a lot like this except you keep going up, and down the mountain, each time it being more harder than the last, then eventually you will give up.

The summit project was important to everyone hiking that day. Along with all the other cadets I related with each person’s feelings about the hike. It was a pleasure to carry Cassandra’s stone up Tumbledown. People forget that each life is precious, but with Cassandra Cassavant I will never forget her story nor will ever forget how much pain she carried for so long. Her service allowed for all of us here to be free.

To the family of SPC Cassandra L Cassavant and TSP,
I want to Thank You for giving me the Honor and Privilege to carry Cassandras stone and story up Cadillac Mountain. I find it difficult to put into words all my emotions. Honored to be the first family member to carry Cassandras stone . Proud that she, like so many others volunteered to serve our great country. TSP says there are no coincidences and the stone chooses you, I felt called to hike when Stu Sennett told me about TSP. But even more so when I realized my cousins daughter Cassandra had a stone. I chose a new backpack, polar fleece and windbreaker for the hike all in purple . On my way home from spending the morning with my cousin Christine talking about Cassandra, I bought a perennial plant, it too was purple. I found out at Smugglers Den that it was Cassandras favorite color.
Cassandra was a beautiful, bright young woman, her daughter Chyanne is very much like her, It was such a pleasure to get to meet her.
Cassandra has brought her mother and I back together and given us the chance to get to know each other as adults.
I met some wonderful caring people on the hike and at Base Camp, carrying the memories of all these fallen military. How blessed the families are that this group of people have come together to Honor and Remember their son or daughter. Our military Past, Present and Fallen deserve our deepest gratitude for giving us the freedom we have today.
I will carry Cassandra in my heart and her memory always .
Thank You to Christine for sharing Cassandras life story with me.
Thank you to Stu and Jill Sennett for being such an inspiration and giving me such support.

I look forward to hiking with TSP in the future and honoring Maines great Hero’s.

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“There is no greater gift that can be bestowed upon the family of a Fallen Hero then to ensure that their loved one is not forgotten. The Summit Project not only safeguards the memories of our loved ones but also offers comfort and peace to each family member. There are no words to describe the depth of my appreciation for The Summit Project, its Founder and all who participate.”