I'd like to thank you Glenn for your submission to be a writer on Circle of Fits. You have been the only one.
I'd like to thank you Sean for responding to Glenn's essay. You were the only one.

I'd like to thank Derek, Sean C., Barb, Dan and Isorski. All bloggers. All with something to say. For three years, I feel I've been writing to you and only you.

Ehh, its not enough.

I'd like to think conversations of substance can happen on line. Be it about rock, pop culture, the bizarre, non political, sarcastic side of life. It can't. At least it hasn't here. Most bloggers are either lonely pundits or expressive wallflowers hiding behind the comfort of anonymity. I'm a little of both, but for the life of me, I can't get a conversation started here. Life can be whittled down to teaching, learning and either embracing fear or being completely controlled by it. Life for most is avoiding the bare truth of who we are and what we really want. Yes, the truth is out there. Not here.

I enjoy writing. I enjoy music. My life is in such soul sucked disarray, that I can't pursue either. I pursue distractions, to survive. Just like every single one of you. This blog is a distraction too.

People have jobs. To put food on the table, to put clothes on bodies, to keep large homes filled with furniture nobody sits in, (thanks Joni) and places for their stuff (Thanks George). But mostly, its fear, that keeps the busy people busy. Keeps the money trains, war machines and big box stores dependent on the drones that supply their demand.

Most people follow because it is what they know. It is the outline for everything. The leaders lead. The followers follow. Information hidden but presented in a calculated pace to prevent chaos. Rules, regulations and consequences. It's that damn parenting. Its the value system passed down that forces one to have a well manicured lawn like the next guy. What's gonna happen if you don't mow that thing? Will your neighbors drag you out of your air conditioned home and burn you at a stake set up in the cul de sac? Its the fear of God and the evening news that keep society so busy and power hungry and exhausted from the process. I bet most of you can't wait for that one hour after the kids are in bed to do something for yourself. You know, that 15 minutes into some bad netflix rom com until you pass out with the remote in your hand. Yeah, you. Get up and do it again the next day.

Fill every minute. With distractions and fear. Sounds like a fucking party.

Hey, truth...Here I come.

I am going to be me.Quest for fucking fire.

I'm going to teach, learn, and die fearless. But this blog is not enough for me.

So I'll see you now and again. But the lack of conversation and truthiness is merely a distraction.

5 comments:

I'll be sorry to see you go, as I get a lot from your blog. As a blogger myself, I know it's easy to feel unloved, unheard, selfish and stupid. But circleoffits always provides me with some clarity, a yardstick for self-measure and occasionally amusement. Whenever I'm feeling like my writing has hit bottom in terms of pointless, pretentious self-indulgence, I visit CoF and feel better knowing that no matter how trite I feel my stuff has become, there is always a lot further down to go.

So, please get over whatever is whining you and get back to the proverbial grindstone!

Seano, you always inpspire, amuse and educate me. You are from a generation before me and I have learned a lot about different kinds of music from reading your blog. This blog has always been written in a way that keeps my attention and pulls me along to the next word. I hope you are more now, then again Buddy! Give me an S, give me an E, give me an A, give me an N, give me an O...what does it spell? SEANO!!!!Happy Birthday too!

I re-read my comment. I meant to say inspire and a generation after me. Hell yea Seano give that anonymous shit some shit!!! they/he/she come out of the closet or stay in it, one or the other. i'm feeling a little fuckin off today so if you need a hit man sometime call me man, i will go searching for this turd bastard/ess. you dont want to know what will happen. avert your eyes!!!