A Proud/Pathetic Moment.

Some of you will think, “So?” Other will think, “Why?” Still others will think “That’s kind of pathetic.”

But anyone who has struggled with weight loss won’t think any of those things. And so, I’ll make it short and sweet.

Last night, Chelsea was offered an interview with Binghamton University’s MSW program — AKA, the first step toward getting accepted. As anybody who has endured getting a graduate education can tell you, one of the most exciting moments of life EVER is when you get that positive response — whether its an interview, an acceptance… in some ways, this is even MORE exciting than it will be when she does indeed get accepted (which I truly believe she will).

I was, of course, and am, very excited for her — I KNOW this feeling and I KNOW she has waited and worked for years to get here. So I told her I’d bring her home any treat she desired for when she got out of work. She asked for a blueberry donut from Dunkin. Okay. Fine. Usually when we celebrate with a “treat” day, we both partake. So what would my treat be? I got a medium coffee coolatta, with skim milk and caramel. Those puppies are 12 PP.

I got home and started cooking up some dinner — Chelsea wasn’t gonna be home until 11:45PM, so I experimented with quinoa because if it ended badly, I would still eat it but wouldn’t want to subject her to it. And as I was cooking, I pondered my points for the day.

I pondered “The Points Of It All,” really.

And I started finagling ways about how I could eat less dinner/cut corners to ensure that the Coolatta didn’t dip too severely into my flex points, especially because Chelsea is taking me to Albany this weekend for a concert and dinner etc.

Then, it hit me: the Coolatta was JUST. NOT. WORTH. IT. Now, I desperately wanted to drink it. Those things are so, so delicious and I was excited for it, and had paid for it, and had brought it home, and had been justifying the whole shebang by saying it was a celebration of a hugely joyful occasion.

But… 12PP? I would basically have to go without dinner or eat next to nothing.

And I knew — because I have been learning how to give my body what it needs, instead of what my brain wants — it wouldn’t make me satisfied or full. I knew that if I drank it, I wouldn’t have PP left for my frozen greek yogurt, which gives me another 12 grams of protein a night. I wouldn’t have PP left for cabbage, or kale chips, or anything else I usually nosh on in the evenings.

So I mustered all my willpower. I took two sips.

And then, I poured that whole damn Coolatta down the drain.

Immediately, I ran the hot water to melt it so that it was like it never happened.

While I was sad I didn’t get to have that frosty and delicious drink, I enjoyed my quinoa (YESSSSS), my kale chips, and my nightly greek yogurt. And I used exactly my 29 PP for the day — nary a flex point in sight.

The ability to say “No” to celebrations or treats is not amongst my strengths. I have very little willpower in that department — but I’m learning that it’s a slippery slope. One Coolatta, and then going out for dinner AGAIN on both Friday and Saturday during our trip? Or a cookie, left on my office table. That kind of thing. I have a hard time saying no. But I’m learning to do it anyway.

And you know, I don’t feel deprived or anything. I feel satiated, happy and healthy.