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I have a confession to make … while I make a living speaking to thousands of adoring, screaming, hysterical crowds all around the country (okay, maybe that is a slight exaggeration), I have to give myself a pep talk every time I walk into a room full of people I don’t know! ​

It’s true! ​

While I consider myself a “people person” (which would probably be good for a guy who brands himself as “The Connection Expert), the truth is I like to describe myself as an “Extroverted Introvert.” While I like being around people, I also need distance, privacy and space…and when the situation doesn’t require me to fill the room with personality, I’m content blending into the background.

When I was a community manager there was a person who headed up our construction team that always seemed to rub me the wrong way. He would come into my office and start to tell me all the things he was going to do, the schedule he was going to pursue and how much it was going to cost against my budget … all without my input.

At the beginning of my relationship with him, I constantly felt bulldozed by him, by what he wanted to do, what he felt we should do and what he expected me to do, and I did NOT like the feeling! At. All. ​

This person, who I’ll call, “Chuck,” is a classic example of what psychologist Karen Horney (whose work on relational styles has greatly inspired my thoughts on how we connect with one other) would call someone whose dominant relational style is to “Move Against People.”

The Carolina Panthers were THE team to beat in the 2015-2016 NFL season. Their offense was number one in the league in points scored (31.2 per game), their defense was ranked sixth in points allowed per game (19.2), their quarterback, Cam Newton was the league's Most Valuable Player and Offensive Player of the Year and the team cruised to a 15-1 record.

Most pundits chose the Panthers to defeat the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl 50-and this game was touted and hyped (oh, the HYPE!) into a battle between the "old guard," Peyton Manning, and the "new face of the league" Cam Newton, with Newton and the new school Panthers primed to shove "chicken parm that tastes so good" into the face of the Broncos and (perennial TV pitchman) Manning. These Panthers were too good. They were so good that it was too easy for them this year. ​And maybe that was the problem ... it was too easy. ​

Recently we have been learning about the two main styles that people use when communicating with one another. If your words are your words, if you say what you mean and mean what you say, then you’re probably a Direct Communicator. If on the other hand your communication is not found in the words you use, but in your expressions, body language, and tone of voice, then you’re probably an Indirect Communicator.

These two different languages of communication that we speak is part of the reason why it can be so difficult to understand other people, and to be understood!​

Think about it-an Indirect Communicator really needs the people around him/her to read the non-verbal signs of what s/he is trying to communicate-which can be HUGELY frustrating for Direct Communicators, whose natural tendency is to rely on words and words alone!

Rommel Anacan

I am a national speaker, trainer, and strategic consultant to companies and organizations. I'm alsothe president and founder of The Relationship Difference a professional and personal development company in Orange County, California.

My passion is helping people succeed by helping them connect, communicate and engage with the people around them more effectively.

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