How Donald Trump Can Make 'SNL' Great Again

10/21/2016 11:16 am ETUpdated
Oct 21, 2016

After last week’s takedown of the second Presidential Debate, Donald Trump called Saturday Night Live “boring and unfunny” after their jokes went orange once again. Trump even called for the 42-season strong show to be cancelled, which frankly seems unfair to all the conservatives that just hopped on the SNL train when Trump himself hosted last year!

Instead of removing sexy-stack-of-buttered-pancakes Colin Jost from television entirely, let’s consider how Mr. Trump can make SNL great again in ways he’s proven to be comfortable with.

Feature only American hosts

Two of this season’s first three hosts have been foreigners, and we’ve simply got to get those jobs back for our own citizens first. While Margot Robbie and Emily Blunt are undeniably talented, they are personally robbing every American celebrity with a timely movie release of a one-week gig. Sad!

Repeal the free ticket system

Currently, tickets to SNL are free to everyone — it’s a disaster! Instead of constantly taking NBC handouts, SNL should be making its own revenue the American way. Tickets to the live show are a beautiful, piebald cash cow just waiting to be milked; we just need to grab it by the udder.

Launch the *secret* plan to take down CBS

CBS is a real concern for SaturdayNight Live’s network, NBC. Trump probably has a foolproof plan to total victory, but he can’t publish it on the internet because he doesn’t want the enemy to know the secret plan. But trust him, he knows an absolute way to get Elementary pushed to Tuesdays at 5:00.

Make sure nobody’s rigging the ratings

Ratings fraud is a huuuuge issue in this country, and we need to make sure we know just how many people arereally tuning in every weekend so that Donald doesn’t cancel it. If you are interested in helping, recruitment is currently underway for “observer observers” to go into American homes and tally SNL viewership. I watch it, you watch it, everybody watches it!

Air at a more convenient time

Preferably between 3 and 5 AM—truly a great time to share awesome video content. Furthermore, it’s demonstrably the best hour to do something if you want people to never forget it.