About Me

I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

>ME: That's horrible. I would wish it on my worst enemy.My wife: You mean 'wouldn't.'ME: Hahahahahaha! You are so sweet.

>Wow!

>Just another slant on the gay community...

>It was stated that this is actual footage. I sincerely hope it is.

>There are a whole lot of these clips titled "If meat eaters acted like vegans."

>I wonder how many people Youtube has killed?

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>I have no idea what a Freudian Slip is and at this point I'm afraid to ass. >

>"Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship."*me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share.

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ANIMALS

According to research, an average snake strike lasts somewhere between 44 and 70 milliseconds. To put that in perspective, it takes humans around 200ms to blink an eye.In the same time, the most ruthless snake could have carried out four strikes. If a human moved his head that fast, he would lose consciousness.

Nile crocodiles, native to Africa, can reach 20 feet in length and weigh up to 1,650 pounds, according to National Geographic. An average length and weight, however, is more like 16 feet and 500 pounds. For comparison, American crocodiles can also reach up to 20 feet in length, but “rarely” get longer than 14 feet in the wild, according to the National Park Service.

>Is this the last thing you want your loved ones to remember about you?And to go through all that just to live a few more weeks or even months? I don't think so.

>A Paris based Associated Press correspondent was flabbergasted to receive a freedom of information request from the Public Health Agency of Canada that had been censored with scotch tape and paper.“I’ve never seen someone use an arts and crafts method in order to hide information from me,” he said. Tom Henheffer, executive director of Canadian Journalists for Free Expression, has never heard of any redactions being made with tape and paper. “This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen,” he said. “It must’ve been someone’s first day.”You Canadians are so cute.

>>I once blew $300 trying to win a stuffed flamingo at the fair because my wife told me it was lucky.

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>The charm of meth and Taco Bell...it's a Southern thing...

>Marriage should be traditional like in the Bible. Between a man and his own rib.>Global air trafficWho would have thought Alaska would have that much traffic?

>Because he could, that's why.

>I went to high school with a girl named Virginia. We called her virgin for short...but not for long. >And this French cop didn't shoot anyone.French cop being hit by some asshole during protests. Several people got arrested for attempting homicide. 10/10 would be dead in US! This cop is badass. Much respect.

>They were filming a ''stop smoking video'' ,he would go and ask for a cig from random people and would destroy it in front of them. Looks like the best option for that girl was to kick him in the balls.

>I used to wonder how anybody could possibly drop a cell phone in the toilet. Used to. >

BASEBALL

Where is his first base coach?

Probably a domed stadium and the ball hit the rafters and dropped straight down.I heard that in domed stadiums, there is a painted line on the roof, and if the ball hits beyond that line it is called a home run.

>I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own. >

>"Daddy, I don't wanna grow up and die!""Oh. Well, darling, you can die at any age, really."

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>So you do Lego?

>Ever try spreading really cold butter on toast? I'm like the human version of that.>