I'm sure anyone reading this would know that much of the Caribbean and the North Eastern seaboard of the United States have been devastated by Hurricane Sandy, a storm of such magnitude and destructiveness that it's been called a 'superstorm.'

Here's how Democracy Now!, a "daily independent global news" show broadcast from New York, described the situation earlier today.

Superstorm Sandy has pounded the East Coast, bringing massive flooding and damage that’s left at least 16 people dead in the United States, killed more than 60 in the Caribbean, and left more than seven million without power from North Carolina to Massachusetts. Parts of New York City were submerged under water as high as 13 feet, flooding a number of subway stations and causing blackouts. Sandy made landfall in New Jersey Monday night near Atlantic City after being downgraded to a post-tropical cyclone. But it still brought hurricane-force winds and rain, making it one of the largest storms the United States has ever seen. A snowstorm swept inland dropping heaving snowfall across Appalachia and shutting down large sections of the interstate in West Virginia and Maryland. Estimates of the damage so far have reached as high as $20 billion.

Above: People sit on the rooftop of houses submerged in floodwaters in the neighbourhood of Barquita, after days of heavy rain in Santo Domingo, October 26, 2012. Hurricane Sandy killed at least 41 people as it cut across the Caribbean. [Photo/Agencies]

Above: Waves crash on shore from high surf ahead of Hurricane Sandy at the pier at Virginia Beach, Virginia October 29, 2012. (Reuters/Rich-Joseph Facun)

Yesterday, Democracy Now! host Amy Goodman interviewed Bill McKibben about Hurricane Sandy and climate change. McKibben is co-founder and director of 350.org and author of Eaarth: Making a Life on a Tough New Planet. Following is an excerpt from this interview.

Amy Goodman: Bill McKibben . . . can you talk about the significance of what the East Coast is facing right now?

Bill McKibben: . . .[T]his is a storm of really historic proportion. It’s really like something we haven’t seen before. It’s half, again, the size of Texas. It’s coming across water that’s near record warmth as it makes its way up the East Coast. Apparently we’re seeing lower pressures north of Cape Hatteras than have been ever recorded before. The storm surge, which is going to be the very worst part of this storm, is being driven by that huge size and expanse of the storm, but of course it comes in on water that’s already somewhat higher than it would have been in the past because of sea level rise. It’s – it’s a monster. 'Frankenstorm,' frankly, is not only a catchy name; in many ways, it’s the right name for it. This thing is stitched together from elements natural and unnatural, and it seems poised to cause real havoc. The governor of Connecticut said yesterday, "The last time we saw anything like this was never." And I think that’s about right.

Amy Goodman: There certainly was a lack of discussion, to put it mildly, in the presidential debates around the issue of climate change. . . . I don’t think it was raised at all in the three debates.

Bill McKibben: How do you think Mitt Romney is feeling this morning for having the one mention he’s made the whole time? His big laugh line at the Republican convention was how silly it was for Obama to be talking about slowing the rise of the oceans. I’d say that’s – wins pretty much every prize for ironic right now.

There has been a pervading climate silence. We’re doing our best to break that. Yesterday afternoon, there was a demonstration in Times Square, a sort of giant dot to connect the dots with all the other climate trouble around the world. Overnight, continuing in Boston, there’s a week-long vigil outside Government Center to try and get the Senate candidates there to address the issue of climate change.

It’s incredibly important that we not only – I mean, first priority is obviously people’s safety and assisting relief efforts in every possible way, but it’s also really important that everybody, even those who aren’t in the kind of path of this storm, reflect about what it means that in the warmest year in U.S. history, when we’ve seen the warmest month, July, of any month in a year in U.S. history, in a year when we saw, essentially, summer sea ice in the Arctic just vanish before our eyes, what it means that we’re now seeing storms of this unprecedented magnitude. If there was ever a wake-up call, this is it.

Amy Goodman: What do you think has to happen now? You have been traveling the world, warning people, working with organizations around the issue of climate change. Do you feel like the kind of organizing you’re doing has an effect? I mean, you see these three presidential debates. Tens of millions of people watch them. They sort of define the discourse in this country. And yet, not raised in any – it’s not only the candidates don’t raise them, the reporters who are the moderators of these debates don’t raise the issue.

Bill McKibben: Look, we’re up against the most powerful and richest industry on earth, and the status quo is their friend, and they want nothing to change. And until we’re able to force them to the table, as it were, very little will happen in Washington or elsewhere. That’s why we launched this huge tour, beginning the night after the election, not coincidentally, in Seattle and continuing around the country. You can find out about it at math.350.org. But the point is that we really finally need to have this reckoning. Either the fossil fuel industry keeps pouring carbon into the atmosphere and we keep seeing this kind of event, or we take some action.

Here’s the thing always to remember: the crazy changes that we’re seeing now, the – you know, the fact that we broke the Arctic this summer, the fact that the oceans are 30 percent more acid, that’s all happened when you raise the temperature of the earth one degree. The same scientists who told us that was going to happen are confident that the temperature will go up four degrees, maybe five, unless we get off coal and gas and oil very quickly. And to do that, you know, it’s nice to talk to Washington, but in certain ways Washington has turned into customer service for the fossil fuel industry. It’s time to take on that industry directly.

Not time today. Time today is to take care of people all up and down the East Coast, to work in the relief efforts, to get the message out as this storm heads north. We in Vermont, knowing from last year, from last year’s superstorm, Irene, have a pretty good idea of just how traumatic this is going to be. So the short-term effort is all about people. But the slightly longer-term effort is to make sure that we’re not creating a world where this kind of thing happens over and over and over again.

Amy Goodman: Bill, you mentioned that the storm is made up of elements both natural and unnatural. What do you mean by that?

Bill McKibben: Well, look, I mean, global warming doesn’t cause hurricanes. We’ve always had hurricanes. Hurricanes are caused when a wave, a tropical wave, comes off the coast of Africa and moves on to warm water and the wind shear is low enough to let it form a circulation, and so on and so forth. But we’re producing conditions like record warm temperatures in seawater that make it easier for this sort of thing to get, in this case, you know, up the Atlantic with a head of steam. We’re making – we’re raising the sea levels. And when that happens, it means that whatever storm surge comes in comes in from a higher level than it would have before. We’re seeing – and there are meteorologists, although I don’t think this is well studied enough yet to really say it conclusively, there are people saying that things like the huge amount of open water in the Arctic have been changing patterns, of big wind current patterns, across the continent that may be contributing to these blocking pressure areas and things that we’re seeing. But, to me, that, at this point, is still mostly speculation.

What really is different is that there is more moisture and more energy in this narrow envelope of atmosphere. And that energy expresses itself in all kind of ways. That’s why we get these record rainfalls now, time after time. I mean, last year, it was Irene and then Lee directly after that. This year, this storm, they’re saying, could be a thousand-year rainfall event across the mid-Atlantic. I think that means more rain than you’d expect to see in a thousand years. But I could pretty much – I’d be willing to bet that it won’t be long before we see another one of them, because we’re changing the odds. By changing the earth, we change the odds.

And one thing for all of us to remember today, even as we deal with the horror on the East Coast, is that this is exactly the kind of horror people have been dealing with all over the world. Twenty million people were dislocated by flood in Pakistan two years ago. There are people with kind of existential fears about whether their nations will survive the rise of sea level. We’re seeing horrific drought not just in the Midwest, but in much of the rest of the world. This is the biggest thing that’s ever happened on earth, climate change, and our response has to be the same kind of magnitude.

To read Amy Goodman;s interview with Bill McKibben in its entirety, click here.

Above: Boats rest on Broadway Avenue after they were washed ashore from a boatyard in Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey. (Reuters/Steve Nesius)

Above: Antonio Garces tries to recover his belongings from his house destroyed by Hurricane Sandy in Aguacate, Cuba, Thursday October 25, 2012. Hurricane Sandy blasted across eastern Cuba on Thursday as a potent Category 2 storm and headed for the Bahamas after causing at least two deaths in the Caribbean. (AP Photo/Franklin Reyes)

Above: A parking lot full of yellow cabs is flooded as a result of Hurricane Sandy on Tuesday, October 30, 2012 in Hoboken, New Jersey. (AP Photo/Charles Sykes)

Above: A row of houses stands in floodwaters at Grassy Sound in North Wildwood, New Jersey, as Hurricane Sandy pounds the East Coast. (AP Photo/The Press of Atlantic City, Dale Gerhard)

Above: Heavy rains from Hurricane Sandy causes the Croix de Mission River to swell to levels that threaten to flood the homes along its bank in Port-au-Prince, Haiti – October 25, 2012. (Reuters/Swoan Parker)

Above: Sea water floods the Ground Zero construction site, Monday, October 29, 2012, in New York. Sandy continued on its path Monday, as the storm forced the shutdown of mass transit, schools and financial markets, sending coastal residents fleeing, and threatening a dangerous mix of high winds and soaking rain. (AP Photo/ John Minchillo)

Above: Floodwaters from Hurricane Sandy rush into the Port Authority Trans-Hudson's (PATH) Hoboken, New Jersey station through an elevator shaft in this video frame grab from the NY/NJ Port Authority twitter feed, October 29, 2012. (Reuters/NY/NJ Port Authority/Twitter)

Above: This image from video provided by Dani Hart shows what appears to be a transformer exploding in lower Manhattan as seen from a building rooftop from the Navy Yard in Brooklyn during Hurricane Sandy’s arrival in New York City. Much of New York was plunged into darkness Monday by the superstorm that overflowed the city's historic waterfront, flooded the financial district and subway tunnels, and cut power to nearly one million people. (AP Photo/Dani Hart)

Above: The darkened skyline of lower Manhattan after a power outage from Hurricane Sandy can be seen from Exchange Park, New Jersey. (Reuters/Eduardo Munoz)

Above: Leveled homes in the Breezy Point neighborhood of Queens, New York. (Reuters/Shannon Stapleton)

Above: Streets are flooded under the Manhattan Bridge in the Dumbo section of Brooklyn, N.Y., Monday, October 29, 2012. (AP Photo/Bebeto Matthews)

Above: A rescue worker carries a boy on his back as emergency personnel rescue residents from flood waters brought on by Hurricane Sandy in Little Ferry, New Jersey. October 30, 2012.(Reuters)

Above: A 168-foot water tanker, the John B. Caddell, sits on the shore Tuesday morning, October 30, 2012 where it ran aground on Front Street in the Stapleton neighborhood of New York's Staten Island as a result of Superstorm Sandy. (Sean Sweeney / AP)

Monday, October 29, 2012

Sunday, October 28, 2012

In thinking about what I wanted to share today, I had the realization that it correlates with the contents of a number of past posts. Collectively, these previous posts comprise an anthology of insights into what it means to love another within that special type of relationship whereby on multiple levels – emotional, spiritual, physical – communion (common union) is shared.

I've decided to assign the tag "A Gay Man's Guide to Love and Loving" to all of these posts, as I believe they all offer, in one way or another, insights, inspiration, and advice on how to build and maintain a healthy intimate relationship. Of course, such insights, inspiration, and advice are not limited to gay men. So why direct this series specifically to them?

I can offer two reasons. First, this blog focuses on my journey as a gay man, one who recognizes the value of integrating (in a balanced and healthy way) spirituality and sexuality. I attempt to live this "way" of integration, believing that it is one of many pathways to that fullness of life that Jesus invites us to embody.

Second, from my observation, many gay men have difficulty in experiencing and embodying this type of healthy integration and thus experiencing and embodying that special type of relationship described above. Why is this? Well, no matter what you may hear to the contrary from certain elements of society, including the Roman Catholic clerical caste, it's not because being a gay man predisposes one to a life of selfishness and thus failed relationships. Rather, it's because of these types of hopeless and negative messages that many gay men – especially those of a certain age – struggle to live lives of integration and wholeness. (I say "certain age" because, by and large, it's not those of the younger generations who are attracted to groups like Courage.)

Having said all of that, it would be remiss of me not to also acknowledge the negative impact of aspects of the gay male subculture on the ability of gay men to live integrated lives. I'm thinking in particular of the limiting role models presented by this subculture, one that is often fixated on superficial things. Related to this is the fact that, like so much of Western society, this subculture is unquestioning of consumerist capitalism. Accordingly, it is notoriously prone to objectifying seemingly everything – including the male body.

All the more reason, then, for the need to share insights of spiritual wisdom, and thus illuminate sorely needed guideposts along the road to love. I start – or rather continue – such sharing and illuminating with the following by Phillip Gowins, excerpted from his book Practical Sufism: A Guide to the Spiritual Path. As you'll see, the insights Gowins shares concerning the "key" of vulnerability are applicable to both the spiritual path and the road to human intimacy and love. I see this as just another helpful reminder of the sacred call to integrate spirituality and sexuality, and of the sacred love that envelops and infuses all things.

. . . Vulnerability is the key to trust. And trust is the key to love. . . . [O]ften the greatest barrier to feeling comfortable with another person, or the greatest barrier to any kind of interpersonal communication, is the unwillingness to be vulnerable.

. . . Being vulnerable is the key to spirituality. You do not progress just by knowing. You progress by surrendering all or at least a portion of your knowledge. In doing so, you create a sort of vacuum, a vulnerability that God can crown by filling you with a divinely inspired curiosity and awareness. Maybe God sees it like this: by being vulnerable, on a personal level you have created an accommodation in yourself, enabling someone else to participate in your experience. Such accommodations open us to higher levels of accommodation.

Do unto others, and eventually God does unto you.

Meditation is a state of emotional and spiritual vulnerability. In meditating, you open yourself to whatever (or whomever – the Beloved?) comes along. You accommodate yourself to the possibility of responding to God's intentions on this world's stage. (Just do not assume that that is what you are doing!) Meditation has many purposes, but the one I am talking about here is that of creating a vulnerability to the spirit of the Beloved – and, on this personal level, the approach of the Beloved is really about your own soul's coming closer.

I have not heard it for a while, but is that old soul-mate business still making the rounds? When I hear that phrase I always think, "What, only one?" As if this whole wide universe there were only one soul that resonates perfectly with yours! I believe it is not the idea of having a soul mate, but the idea of being rescued, that appeals to us. Rescued from what? For one thing, from the annoying need to be vulnerable and therefore risk the even more annoying experience of being humiliated.

Love is not about finding a soul mate. If it seems to be at the beginning, the feeling starts to dissipate the moment you and your soul mate discover how different your toothpaste habits are. Rather, love is about exploring vulnerability, about exploring degrees of acceptance of and resistance to each other. On the spiritual level, it is about continuously reaching for deeper and deeper levels of trust in God.

. . . Vulnerability can be periodic; think of being totally vulnerable as an ideal state, not one you have to be in every moment. Our psyches are delicate; regard vulnerability as a flower that opens up, then closes to collect itself for a time.

Friday, October 26, 2012

The original French version of this song, "Et Maintenant" ("And Now") was written in 1961 by composer Gilbert Bécaud and lyricist Pierre Delanoë. English language lyrics and the title were written by Carl Sigman. Over the years the song has been recorded by many artists – Frank Sinatra, Shirley Bassey, Elvis Presley, Nana Mouskouri, Johnny Mathis, Judy Garland, Engelbert Humperdinck . . . the list goes on! But I think Petula Clark's version definitely ranks up there with the very best. For one thing, the orchestration is rich and lush (with a swelling of strings at 2:55 that never fails to move me!) Plus, Petula gives a truly beautiful vocal performance.

I had this recording once on an LP – a Petula Clark "greatest hits" album that I got my parents to buy for me when I was in fifth grade. I've never been able to find this particular song on CD, however; so I'm glad, then, to have found it on YouTube. As you'll see, it's accompanied by some great images of Pet through the years. Enjoy! . . .

. . . What now, my love,
now that it's over?
I feel the world
closing in on me.

Here come the stars,
tumbling around me.
There's the sky
where the sea should be.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

When [our daughter] Ana finally revealed the secret she'd been carrying, she was just transformed. When she was able to name her loving feelings for another woman, she was just filled with energy; there was brightness in her eyes. She felt like she was home. And boy, how could I say no to that, to say no and turn that light off?

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Recently I've been spending late afternoons at the office of Catholics for Marriage Equality MN, distributing our "Another Catholic Voting No" yard signs. Believe it or not, our office is housed in a Baptist Church in South Minneapolis. It's a very progressive Baptist Church, however, as the photo at right attests.

I've lost count of the number of people who have come by for a yard sign in the past couple of months. I do know that all have expressed gratitude for the opportunity to take home and share in their neighborhood and, in some cases, their out-state town or city, the message of our signs. It's a message that's very simple: It proclaims that a self-identified Catholic, drawing upon key aspects of their Catholic faith, has chosen to vote their conscience in a particular way on the 'marriage amendment.' And their conscience – informed, in part, by the presence of God discerned and celebrated in the lives and relationships of their gay and lesbian loved ones – tells them to vote 'no.'

Above: A September 19, 2012 Associated Press photo by Jim Mone.
The caption reads: "In this photo, Michael Bayly, right, director of Catholics
for Marriage Equality MN, hands a yard sign to Ted Fisher, of Bloomington, Minn.,
as Sue Kmetz, left, of Minneapolis, prepares to leave with her sign supporting
Catholics who oppose the Minnesota marriage amendment which will be decided
in the November general election. The group said they have handed out more than
a thousand yard signs, buttons and stickers that read,
'Another Catholic Voting No.'"

Difficult times

In the midst of the 'marriage amendment battle,' as the media like to call it, it can be difficult being a self-identified Catholic. This is not because Catholics are predominately in favor of denying civil marriage rights to gays and lesbians. Far from it. Of all the Christian denominations, Catholics are actually the most supportive of civil rights for LGBT people – including civil marriage rights. (In her October 8 National Catholic Reporter column, Jamie L. Manson examines one reason for this support)

No, it's not the Catholic people's stance on marriage equality that makes it difficult for many to identify as Catholic these days in Minnesota. Rather, it's the anti-marriage equality rhetoric and activism of those who comprise the church's clerical leadership, or caste, as I prefer to call it. I see absolutely nothing of the compassion, justice-making, or radical inclusivity of Jesus in this rhetoric and activism. Quite the opposite. The words and actions of Archbishop Nienstedt and various spokespeople of the Minnesota Catholic Conference are insensitive, mean-spirited, and exclusionary. The image of LGBT people, relationships, and families that such words and actions convey is rooted in demeaning caricatures, erroneous distortions, and deliberate fear-mongering. Such things are causing unnecessary divisiveness and pain in families, society, and the church.

The hurtful rhetoric and divisive tactics championed by those opposed to marriage equality seem to be increasing daily – as is the determination of many to resist and challenge such damaging words and actions. As I noted previously, I don't like thinking of all of this as a "fight" or "battle," though I accept that this is exactly how it can feel to many people – myself included at times. Yet I don't want to fight. I don't want my actions dictated by feelings of anger, hurt, and grief. And I don't want to see anyone – not even Archbishop Nienstedt – as my enemy.

Beacons of hope, encouragement and invitation

I've come to think of the pro-'marriage amendment' efforts as comprising a great storm of negativity – one that's wreaking havoc on the emotional and spiritual well-being of many. In the midst of this storm, I see groups like Catholics for Marriage Equality MN as pockets of reason, compassion, and calm; as places where those battered by the stinging winds of this storm can find refuge and the strength to breath deeply and say quietly yet firmly, "No!" No to the forces of havoc and harm; no to the forces that seek to limit and exclude.

On most weekday afternoons, the C4ME-MN office serves as such a place of refuge. And I like to think that all the love, peace and courage we foster and share within our walls gets to be carried out and shared each and every time someone takes home with them one of our "Another Catholic Voting No" yard signs. I don't actually see these signs as political statements. After all, they don't actually tell anyone how to vote. Rather, I see them as little beacons of hope, encouragement, and invitation, shining in ever-increasing numbers throughout the metro area and beyond.

A living flame

On the grounds of the church in which we have our office, there is a little tree. Currently, its leaves are a beautiful glowing-red color. Often when there's a lull in the distributing of yard signs, I go out and just sit with the beauty of this tree. In doing so, I experience God's loving and transforming presence.

It's become for me a symbol of hope, this tree of living flame. It reminds me that the church is a living body; that it too can and does change. And I'm reminded that I'm also not only capable of growth and change, but that I'm called daily to undertake such a sacred journey. That's what I've come to understand life and the spiritual path as being all about: journey, struggle, transformation.

This beautiful tree is rapidly losing its leaves – an inevitable change at this time of year. Watching this transformation makes me mindful of changes in my own life, and the need to be more intentional in setting aside time for prayer and reflection so as to most lovingly and authentically respond to these changes. I've come to realize that all this 'marriage equality'-work, as important as it is, has kept me too busy, too outwardly-focused. Perhaps this was necessary, given the specifics of the situation. I don't know. What I do know, however, is that I can't wait for this whole amendment issue to be done with. It really has taken a lot out of me this past year-and-a-half. As a result, I'm feeling the need for inner replenishment and balance in my life.

People often ask me how I think the 'marriage amendment' vote will turn out. I honestly don't know. Of course, I hope and pray that both it and the "voter photo ID amendment' will be defeated. I'm well aware that living in liberal South Minneapolis is akin to living in a bubble. When one sees daily the hundreds of official "Vote No" signs that dot the metro area, one can be lulled into a false sense of security about the outcome of the vote. It's a very different story in the outer suburbs, of course; not to mention rural Minnesota. Yet I remain hopeful, in large part because of the observations and insights shared in Rose Arce and Carol Costell's recent CNN story on how this year's Election Day may reveal a significant shift on the issue of same-sex marriage. Following is an excerpt from this particular article.

"The biggest difference going into this election as opposed to the last election is that a majority of Americans now support the freedom to marry, we have a president of the United States that supports the freedom to marry, we have six states and the District of Columbia where gay people can share in the freedom to marry," says Evan Wolfson, founder of Freedom to Marry, a group supporting the right of gays to marry.

A CNN/ORC poll in June found that a majority of Americans support marriage rights for gays and lesbians, reflecting a dramatic shift in public opinion over the past two decades.

The number of Americans who say they have a close friend or family member who is gay or lesbian, meanwhile, has jumped from 49% in 2010 to 60% today, the first time in CNN polling that a majority of Americans have said that. In the 1990s, most Americans said they did not know anyone close to them who was gay.

"When you come at something and you know someone who is gay, it takes the fear out of the issue and makes it clear that it's just a simple matter of equality," he says.

The November votes come as courts are moving to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, one of the biggest obstacles to gay rights supporters. The divisive act, passed in 1996, bars federal recognition of marriages between people of the same sex and says states cannot be forced to recognize them. On Thursday, a federal appeals court in New York became the nation's second to strike down the law, saying that it violates the Constitution's equal protection clause. A federal appeals court in Boston made a similar ruling in May. The appellate court decisions mean the next step is likely to be a review by the U.S. Supreme Court.

A time of prayer, discernment, and nurturance

In two weeks we'll know the result. And then? Well, obviously, much will depend on the outcome of the vote. For me personally, regardless of the result, I'll be taking a short break and visiting friends in Chicago. Then it will be back to the Twin Cities for the winter and my part-time job with a Minneapolis-based meals-on-wheels program. For CPCSM, the group I work with and which initiated Catholics for Marriage Equality MN, it will be a time of envisioning future directions and plans. My role with the organization is one of a number of important questions about which I intend to prayerfully discern in the months ahead. Indeed, I'm thinking that the approaching winter will be for me a season of discernment. What is it I am called to do with my life? How am I called to use my gifts and talents? At the moment the answers to these questions are a mystery to me. I just know that I feel as though I'm at a crossroads, and that I want to take this seriously and respond prayerfully and mindfully.

Merely engaging with God has a profound effect. When you ask the divine a question, the very asking changes you. What I mean is that if you ask God what to do . . . or if you simply ask God to create the conditions within your being that will allow the love stream to flow, you will be different. . . . Commitment can be seen as allowing beauty to enter our lives; as allowing the desire for intimate spiritual expression to come forward and become itself, as the acknowledgement of our capacity for evoking the divine being within ourselves. . . . [T]rue commitment [is] nurturing within yourself the kernel of truth and purity that is what you already are.

Praying, discerning, nurturing . . . all things that I hope to do in the weeks and months ahead. To help facilitate such steps on the journey I've promised myself to spend time with those who nurture my spirit – good friends of both the two-legged and four-legged kind! Connection with such friends is important because working this past year-and-a-half on the issue of marriage equality within the context of the incredibly divisive 'marriage amendment,' has meant having to deal with opponents whose words and actions have been quite toxic. I feel I need to cleanse myself of all this toxicity.

Another step I've taken is to finally set up my little prayer altar in what's now my not-so-new home in Minneapolis. Over the past week, my housemate Tim and I have been making the spare bedroom into a meditation room. Our prayer styles are very different. As a result of his interest in and exploration of Buddhism, Tim prefers to focus on a blank wall, while I have my colorful little altar with all kinds of special objects – candles, rocks, icons, and feathers. We completed preparing the room last night, and I spent time this morning, the morning of my 47th birthday, sitting before my prayer altar in meditation and prayer.

I recently found a prayer that I wrote about ten years ago. As you'll see, given all that I've shared in this post, this prayer is very appropriate. Obviously, it must have been appropriate to my life when I wrote it a decade ago. In fact, I think I know myself well enough to say that this prayer will always be appropriate for me! I close this post by sharing this prayer.

Do you remember the character of Frau Farbissina in the Austin Powers series of comedy films? She was the "attack and defense specialist" for Dr. Evil and the mother of their son Scott Evil. She was also hilariously known for screaming out her German-accented orders: "Bring in the FemBOTS!", "Fire the laSAR!", "Open the TANK!" Particular emphasis was always placed on the last syllable, so that it was shouted the loudest. In one scene, when her adult son tells her how he'd always been told he'd been a test tube baby, she responds: "Lies. ALL LIES!".

There are all types of lies, of course: bald-faced lies, 'little white lies,' lies of omission, twisted or convoluted lies. What they all have in common is the intent to mislead. The latest ad from Minnesota for Marriage is constructed of convoluted lies – lies that mislead by purposely complicating and confusing the issue. In this specific case, unnecessary and irrelevant information is assigned to an unrelated statement grounded in fact.

"When same-sex marriage has been imposed elsewhere," the ad declares, "it has not been live and let live. People who believe marriage is one man and one woman have faced consequences."

The reality of civil marriage rights for same-sex couples in certain U.S. states is a fact. Yet the so-called "consequences" cited by Minnesota for Marriage are irrelevant to this fact.

Two Minnesota media outlets, WCCO and Minnesota Public Radio News, have examined the claims made by Minnesota for Marriage, and found them "misleading" and "deceptive." Polite ways, I'd contend, of saying "Lies, ALL LIES!"

Here's what MPR News has to say about the various "consequences" of same-sex marriage cited by Minnesota for Marriage.

"Small businesses fined."

Minnesota for Marriage is referring to the Wildflower Inn in Vermont, where gay marriage was legalized in 2009. Lesbian couple Katherine Baker and Ming-Lien Linsley wanted to get married there, but were told the inn would not host same-sex ceremonies.

Baker and Linsley sued, claiming the inn violated the state's Fair Housing and Public Accommodations Act, which prevents hotels from discriminating against patrons based on their sexual orientation. Ultimately, the inn had to pay the Vermont Human Rights Commission $10,000 and put $20,000 in a charitable trust.

University of Vermont law professor Greg Johnson specializes in sexual orientation and law, and said that the suit could have been brought regardless of whether or not same-sex marriage is legal. Johnson also said there have been no similar cases in Vermont since same-sex marriage was legalized.

"It's not as if small businesses up and down the state are being fined," Johnson said.

"Individuals fired"

The ad refers to a Toronto-based sports broadcaster Damian Goddard who was fired a day after he tweeted about a hockey-player's support of same-sex marriage.

According to ESPN, Goddard wrote that he "completely and whole-heartedly" backed another hockey agent's "support for the traditional and TRUE meaning of marriage."

Goddard's employer said that it already planned to let him go, according to the Toronto Globe and Mail.

"Charities closed down"

This claim involves the Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C., which is still open.

The group decided to shut down its public adoption program after Washington D.C. made same-sex marriage legal because it felt it could not comply with the new law, which requires religious groups that serve the general public [and receive government funding] to recognize same-sex marriages, without compromising its religious beliefs, according to the Archdiocese.

The D.C. Catholic Charities continues a private adoption program using its own money.

"Churches sued."

In Massachusetts, where same-sex marriage is legal, a married gay couple is suing the Diocese of Worcester for dropping a real estate deal.

The couple said the Diocese backed out because it was worried gay marriages would be held on the property. The church says the deal fell through because of concerns about the couple's finances.

But as in Vermont, the Massachusetts couple could sue regardless of whether same-sex marriage is legal there because they are claiming Diocese violated a general Massachusetts law that prevents discrimination based on sexual orientation, said real Massachusetts estate lawyer Richard Vetstein.

"Same-sex marriage taught to young children in elementary school and parents have no legal right to be notified or to take their children out of class that day."

Earlier this year, [MPR] said a similar claim is misleading.

Some Massachusetts schools are teaching kids about same-sex marriage in their diversity curriculum, which is part of a statewide curriculum framework created in 1993. But the state doesn't mandate certain lessons or books be taught, and there is no statewide requirement that schools teach about same-sex marriage.

Rather, curriculum decisions are made by individual schools, and some have incorporated same-sex marriage into their diversity lessons, including the Lexington School district, which was involved in a 2006 lawsuit brought by several parents. A federal court ultimately rejected the case.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Although comedian and writer Jim David's recent HuffPostcommentary is directed to the folks at the National Organization for Marriage (NOM), it could just as easily be addressed to members of the Roman Catholic clerical caste. After all, both groups speak disparagingly and erroneously of gay people and relationships, and both are funding and partaking in anti-marriage equality activism, including working to pass a constitutional amendment in Minnesota that would deny civil marriage rights to same-sex couples.

David begins his commentary by identifying what he calls "the problem" with anti-gay groups like NOM and the Catholic hierarchy.

Using the evidence of my own life and millions of others, I am operating within the assumption that being gay is a normal and natural part of human sexuality and has been since the beginning of time. The problem with NOM and other anti-gay outfits is that their assumption is that homosexuality itself is wrong, so same-sex marriage, or any kind of legal recognition of gay relationships, is therefore wrong, as well. To them, same sex-marriage not only offers nothing to society but is as dangerous as incest and pedophilia.

He then outlines a number of ways that same-sex marriage can actually benefit society as a whole. Following are three of these ways, illustrated by some very powerful experiences from David's own life.

My husband and I met in March 1988, so we've been together for close to 25 years. Before I met him I was an absolute wreck. I'm going to spare you the details, but suffice it to say I was alone and living a personal life that was a shameful secret. It was the height of the HIV crisis, so the stigma of being gay had gotten worse, and it was still difficult to be out. My self-esteem was at rock bottom, and I was struggling with various addictions. I desperately needed companionship, if only for a few hours, so rather than spend every night alone, I frequently went out and had sex with men I had just met. I drank and smoked too much, did drugs and was generally a big mess, because I thought I would spend my life alone. There was no talk of marriage (and hardly dating) in those days. My budding relationship with the man who would become my husband immediately stabilized my life, kept me off the streets, increased my self-esteem, reduced my addictions and gave me hope for my future. I immediately became a better member of society, worked harder, was of more use to my profession and, because we were monogamous, didn't catch HIV and give it to someone else. In every way, our lives are better and we are more productive members of society because of our marriage.

2) Same-sex marriage stabilizes families.

Before I was in a relationship, I was not out to my Christian parents, and I moved farther and farther away from them so that I could live my life as comfortably as possible. I didn't come out because I had nothing to show for it; I just continued to live a secret life that I hated and endured my mother's incessant questions about who I was seeing. After my partner and I committed to each other, I was at last able to live my life openly and share the love of my life with family. It made us closer, not further apart. My partner became a family member, and his family became the in-laws. Both our families were strengthened and stabilized by our relationship. As time has gone on, we have helped members of our family with various family things. Our marriage ceremony earlier this year brought both sides of our families together in a way that they hadn't been before. This is true of every same-sex marriage I've personally witnessed, and I've been to a lot of weddings in the last year and have met lots of family members. Thank God few in our families were members of a NOM-like organization, which promotes only paranoid bigotry and encourages people to miss some really cool weddings.

3) Same-sex marriage creates a stable environment for children.

Yeah, yeah, same-sex couples can't create children. But they have no problem raising them. As far as the myth that children are best served by a mother and a father, we all know a lot of really screwed-up people who came from a mother and a father. The adoption and foster-care agencies of the world are jam-packed with babies discarded by mothers and fathers. A same-sex couple I know recently adopted a son who was thrown into foster care like a piece of trash, abandoned by every heterosexual parent he had. The child was a wreck when he arrived, and now he's a happy boy in the second grade, on the softball team, with a quality of life he did not know before age five. This scenario has been repeated thousands of times in thousands of other same-sex families. The only problem that children of same-sex couples routinely report is dealing with the bigotry of children whose parents believe the lies told by organizations like NOM.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

May God bless you with a restless discomfort
about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships,
so that you may seek truth boldly
and love deep within your heart.

May God bless you with holy anger
at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
so that you may tirelessly work for justice,
freedom, and peace among all people.

May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed
with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation,
or the loss of all that they cherish,
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
and transform their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness
to believe that you really CAN make a difference in this world,
so that you are able, with God's grace,
to do what others claim cannot be done. . . .

Monday, October 15, 2012

Last May, just hours after the Minnesota House of Representatives voted 70-62 to place the 'marriage amendment' on the November 2012 ballot, I changed my Facebook profile picture to the above image of Prince Valiant.

Artist Hal Foster's drawing shows the Prince of Thule donning armor and preparing to do battle against a "mighty adversary." That's just what it felt like I needed to do last May (left) – prepare and engage in battle. And it's how it can especially feel now, less than a month before the November 6 elections.

Yet as a follower of Jesus, the Prince of Peace, I've come to question if it is appropriate or helpful to think about my involvement in the 'marriage amendment' issue as a “battle” or “fight.” How else, though, can we envision it? Thankfully, my work as executive coordinator with the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities (CPCSM) has greatly helped me think carefully about and respond meaningfully to this important question.

You see, well before the 'marriage amendment' came along, CPCSM had been facilitating educational events focused on the broader issue of marriage equality. In September 2011 these activities culminated in the launching of our Catholics for Marriage Equality MN (C4ME-MN) initiative. The primary purpose of C4ME-MN is not so much to defeat the marriage amendment as it is to educate Catholics about what marriage equality means (i.e. the granting of civil marriage rights, benefits and responsibilities to same-sex couples); why marriage is important to LGBT people; and why Catholics can, in good conscience, support marriage equality for all, regardless of sexual orientation.

In terms of the actual ‘marriage amendment,’ we seek to educate and facilitate discussion on the range of Catholic thinking on this issue. We feel that acknowledgement of this range is an important and necessary component of the discussion, and one that is sadly missing from the Catholic hierarchy’s treatment of the issue. Members of the hierarchy insist that Catholics can only vote ‘yes.’ In distributing information and facilitating discussion on the amendment we emphasize (i) the experiences and insights of a wide spectrum of Catholics – gay and straight, clergy and lay; (ii) the church’s social justice and human rights teachings; and (iii) the role of the sensus fidelium and the teaching of the primacy of conscience. We endeavor to help Catholics be as informed as possible about these aspects of their tradition as they prepare to vote on the amendment. We also highlight that Catholics can, in good conscience, choose to vote ‘no,’ and that this decision is supported by those aspects of the Catholic faith noted above.

Honest dialogue

CPCSM’s addressing of issues relating to marriage equality began in 2005 when increased discussion on 'gay marriage' was taking place in society and even in some circles within the church. In October 2010 we sponsored an educational forum featuring Catholic theologian Daniel Maguire, who spoke on the topic “Why You Can Be Catholic and Support Gay Marriage.”

CPCSM’s Catholics for Marriage Equality MN initiative was formally launched on September 29, 2011 with the premiere at the Riverview Theater of Catholics for Marriage Equality, our self-produced series of short “video vignettes” featuring local LGBT Catholics and their loved ones “sharing stories of faith, family and marriage.” The actual ‘marriage amendment’ is rarely mentioned in the film, and there is no “vote no” message conveyed either in the film or its accompanying discussion guide. Rather, the primary aim of our video series is to facilitate honest discussion, involving both listening and sharing.

Such honest dialogue is the hallmark of CPCSM's ministry. Indeed, the group traces its origins to the May 9, 1980 meeting between the six Catholics who would soon form CPCSM and the then-Archbishop of St. Paul-Minneapolis, John Roach. At this meeting, the "CPCSM Six," as they would come to be known, shared with the bishop their journeys of faith as LGBT Catholics. And the bishop listened and responded in a number of positive ways. For instance, he agreed to let his various department heads meet with the founding board of CPCSM in order to help educate the staff members of their respective departments about the pastoral needs and concerns of the local LGBT Catholic community. Every department head that was approached was receptive, and the conversations and education that resulted eventually led to CPCSM's groundbreaking Needs Assessment Study.

Thirty-two years later, CPCSM continues to believe that conversations with family members, friends, fellow parishioners, co-workers, and, yes, our clerical leadership, remain key in opening hearts and minds to the reality of LGBT lives – including the meaning and importance of marriage in these lives. After all, in our society it is only the word ‘marriage’ that conveys the joy, connection, and deep commitment that is made between two people who love one another. So when conversing with others on the potentially contentious issue of the 'marriage amendment,' we encourage folks to explain how their support for marriage equality is informed by their Catholic faith. Many Catholics readily acknowledge that they value compassion, justice, family, truth-telling and love. Many also say that they have witnessed these qualities and values in the lives and relationships of LGBT people. As one Catholic puts it: “I see the face of God in the love of same-sex couples.”

A balanced approach

Minnesotans United for All Families, the official campaign to defeat the 'marriage amendment,' is very much focused on having supporters share personal stories about "why marriage matters;" on having people "speak from the heart." The following statement from a letter-to-the-editor of the Star Tribune exemplifies a "from the heart"-type of statement: “I’m not a member of the clergy and I’m not a theologian, but I know [the Archbishop is] wrong because I know what’s in my heart; and what is in my heart is love.” Now, to be sure, there is nothing wrong with these types of responses as, without doubt, they can reflect important truths. Yet intellectually-based perspectives can also reflect truth. Catholicism has a long and rich intellectual tradition, one that can be utilized when discussing a range of issues related to marriage equality. (For an excellent example, see local theologian William C. Hunt's article "Homosexual Relationships: Another Look.") I think it's also important to remember that not everyone is moved by a “because my heart tells me” argument. Some are actually turned off by overly emotional responses, and, rightly or wrongly, dismiss them as irrational.

Accordingly, along with responding from the heart to the Catholic hierarchy's active support of the 'marriage amendment,' C4ME-MN believes that Catholics can and should respectfully critique and challenge this support on its own terms, i.e., intellectually and theologically. For some examples of this, see C4ME-MN's "Tips on Speaking as a Catholic in Support of Marriage Equality."

A shared journey

My work with C4ME-MN, with its emphasis on dialogue and education, has helped me develop a alternative to the "battle" metaphor when thinking and talking about my engagement in the ongoing struggle for marriage equality. I’ve come to find that it is more helpful (and more aligned with Jesus' way of peacemaking) to let go of the battle metaphor and embrace instead metaphors of invitation and journey.

How are such metaphors expressed in a practical way? Well, through my conversations with others I endeavor to invite them to examine and discuss our stances and to respectfully consider each other's perspectives and insights. I envision us on a shared journey of discovery, trusting that God’s spirit of wisdom and compassion will lead us into the fullness of truth.

In working with others to plan and implement C4ME-MN programs, I do my best to make sure that such programs and events convey this same focus on honest sharing and dialogue; this same spirit of journey and trust. I've even found an image of my hero Prince Valiant that, to my mind at least, reflects such ideas and aspirations!

Above: Prince Valiant engages his traveling companion,
the Teutonic knight Gunther, on the best way to journey to Jerusalem.
(Art: John Cullen Murphy, 1980).

Of course, it can still all feel like a battle at times, especially when one is confronted by folks who are simply unwillingly to dialogue and/or allow others to question. Also, when those around you and the media get caught up in the "battle" metaphor, it's pretty much impossible not to be drawn "into the fray." Yet when this happens I hold onto and seek to embody my alternative understanding and image of the situation.

Many opportunities

Over the past few months I've been fortunate to have had many opportunities to indeed embody this alternative understanding; to personify, in other words, a way of approaching and engaging others that is not adversarial but rather respectful, invitational, and dialogic. Such opportunities have occurred at various events that I've been part of and/or helped organize. What follows are descriptions and images of some of the events at which I've had the honor to speak as executive coordinator of CPCSM/C4ME-MN. Of course, others also spoke at many of these events and, in so doing, shared their experiences and insights. What's interesting, and you'll clearly see this in the quotes below, is how I've not been the only one to have grappled with the 'battle' metaphor and ditched it in favor of a more respectful and thoughtful approach.

On Sunday, September 16, for instance, I traveled north to Duluth for an event organized by area Catholics. One of those present at this event was Dan Glisczinski (right). Speaking to a local news reporter, Dan said he respectfully disagreed with the stance of the Minnesota Catholic bishops on the 'marriage amendment.'

"If we have the good fortune of going to heaven someday, and that's something that we pray we get to do, we'll stand before our God," he said. "We'll make mistakes in our lives. But if we make mistakes on issues like voting no, we're making mistakes on the side of love, on the side of care and on the side of Jesus’ example of investment in others' human dignity."

On September 20, I traveled south to Rochester and gave a presentation at what was billed by organizers as "A Forum for Catholics on the Marriage Amendment." This event served as an open dialogue whereby recent statements from the Minnesota Catholic bishops, Catholic Social Teaching and the role of conscience were discussed.

Above: Colette Sweeney of Rochester was one of the key organizers of the September 20 forum. When being interviewed by a local reporter, Colette said, "If people can discuss [the 'marriage amendment'] then they are able to talk about their fears, talk about their concerns in an open way and . . . become better informed instead of being told there's only one way to think. Jesus was about love and we are talking about committed loving relationships and supporting them, and that makes our society better."

Left: With Rochester friends Joe and Bob.

Above and right: On September 24 I was the guest on Suzanne Linton's SCCTV program Our World Today.

During the course of the hour-long broadcast, four of the five 'vignettes' of C4ME-MN's Catholics for Marriage Equality video series were be shown and discussed.

On September 29, Michaelmas, C4ME-MN hosted an educational event that focused on why many Catholics are voting 'no' on both the 'marriage amendment' and the 'voter photo ID amendment.'

In welcoming attendees to our September 29 gathering, I sought to convey C4ME-MN's emphasis on dialogue and openness to journey. In concluding this Wild Reed post, I share part of my September 29 welcoming remarks.

I think it’s very appropriate that we gather this evening on the feast of St. Michael the Archangel, “protector of the Catholic Church.” I like to think that when we facilitate honest discussion on the types of difficult questions and issues raised by both of the amendments, we get the chance to lift up, embody, and, yes, protect and defend the very best aspects of our Catholic community and faith.

And what are these aspects? Let’s start with our social justice tradition, rooted in the very life and message of Jesus; and don’t forget our tradition of the primacy of conscience; then there’s our ‘Here Comes Everyone’ or ‘Big Tent’ understanding of Catholicism, one that is unashamedly extravagant in its compassion and inclusiveness. And of course there’s our rich intellectual tradition – one that, taken seriously and applied to the discussions taking place in our church and society about sexuality and marriage, has so much to offer that is reasonable, compassionate and sane.

Now, you may know that in traditional Catholic thinking Michael is the patron saint of policemen and firefighters. But in esoteric Christian thought Michael is entrusted with all events pertaining to the Earth’s Light grid and visionary geography. He’s said to supervise its major upgrades, and works to bring forth ever-increasing light and consciousness.

It’s also said that he facilitates every step a human voluntarily makes towards what is called the Cosmic Consciousness or Christ Consciousness. He is the harbinger of the Holy Spirit moving through and among us on the physical plane.

I believe that the struggle for marriage equality, and the related recognition and acceptance of human sexuality in all its complexity, is all part of the wondrous and ongoing journey in consciousness that humanity is on.

I established The Wild Reed in 2006 as a sign of solidarity with all who are dedicated to living lives of integrity – though, in particular, with gay people seeking to be true to both the gift of their sexuality and their Catholic faith. The Wild Reed's original by-line read, "Thoughts and reflections from a progressive, gay, Catholic perspective." As you can see, it reads differently now. This is because my journey has, in many ways, taken me beyond, or perhaps better still, deeper into the realities that the words "progressive," "gay," and "Catholic" seek to describe.

Even though reeds can symbolize frailty, they may also represent the strength found in flexibility. Popular wisdom says that the green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm. Tall green reeds are associated with water, fertility, abundance, wealth, and rebirth. The sound of a reed pipe is often considered the voice of a soul pining for God or a lost love.

On September 24, 2012,Michael BaylyofCatholics for Marriage Equality MNwas interviewed by Suzanne Linton of Our World Today about same-sex relationships and why Catholics can vote 'no' on the proposed Minnesota anti-marriage equality amendment.

Readers write . . .

"I believe your blog to be of utmost importance for all people regardless of their orientation. . . . Thank you for your blog and the care and dedication that you give in bringing the TRUTH to everyone."– William

"Michael, if there is ever a moment in your day or in your life when you feel low and despondent and wonder whether what you are doing is anything worthwhile, think of this: thanks to your writing on the internet, a young man miles away is now willing to embrace life completely and use his talents and passions unashamedly to celebrate God and his creation. Any success I face in the future and any lives I touch would have been made possible thanks to you and your honesty and wisdom."– AB

"Since I discovered your blog I have felt so much more encouraged and inspired knowing that I'm not the only gay guy in the Catholic Church trying to balance my Faith and my sexuality. Continue being a beacon of hope and a guide to the future within our Church!"– Phillip

"Your posts about Catholic issues are always informative and well researched, and I especially appreciate your photography and the personal posts about your own experience. I'm very glad I found your blog and that I've had the chance to get to know you."– Crystal

"Thank you for taking the time to create this fantastic blog. It is so inspiring!"– George

"I cannot claim to be an expert on Catholic blogs, but from what I've seen, The Wild Reed ranks among the very best."– Kevin

"Reading your blog leaves me with the consolation of knowing that the words Catholic, gay and progressive are not mutually exclusive.."– Patrick

"I grieve for the Roman institution’s betrayal of God’s invitation to change. I fear that somewhere in the midst of this denial is a great sin that rests on the shoulders of those who lead and those who passively follow. But knowing that there are voices, voices of the prophets out there gives me hope. Please keep up the good work."– Peter

"I ran across your blog the other day looking for something else. I stopped to look at it and then bookmarked it because you have written some excellent articles that I want to read. I find your writing to be insightful and interesting and I'm looking forward to reading more of it. Keep up the good work. We really, really need sane people with a voice these days."– Jane Gael