From the Onion: Mathemeticians Retire #4

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Mathematicians, statisticians, number theorists, and members of numeral-oriented professions held a press conference at MIT Tuesday to announce plans to honor quarterback Brett Favre’s stellar 17-year career by retiring the number four. “After careful consideration, we came to our conclusion based on the following factors: one, Favre’s passion for the game; two, his unmatched ability to win; three, his resilience and sheer toughness in the face of adversity on and off the field; and five, the fact that he holds every significant passing record,” professor Jeffery Hamilton said. “No person will be permitted to ever use the number again, though it may be necessary to create a new integer to place between three and five.”