The Legacy of Mrs. Cash

An old woman who took advantage of every opportunity to compliment and affirm others, leaves behind a powerful lesson.

Some of you may remember a previous article in which I described a venerable 94-year-old woman, Mrs. Ceil Cash, whose superb character and faith served as an illustration for a point I was trying to make.

Sadly, since that time, Mrs. Cash has passed away. She had prayed that she might go peacefully in her sleep and her petition was blessedly granted. Having no biological children of her own, she was nonetheless, fortunate to have left this world surrounded by her adopted children -- members of our community who, over time had come to love and respect her for the special matriarchal presence she provided.

The funeral procession stopped at the Yeshiva school she had generously supported, where all the children whom she loved so dearly stood outside in a blistering cold wind to bid her farewell. It was obvious that the children were genuinely saddened and grief stricken.

My husband was asked to deliver the eulogy and had to stop frequently during his tribute to compose himself. He spoke of the mandate by which Mrs. Cash had lived her life. He cited her oft-repeated mother's exhortation, "Remember my darling daughter that your deeds should never bring shame on your holy ancestors in heaven." Her mother's words did indeed chart Mrs. Cash's course in life.

Some people were surprised at my husband's display of emotion at the funeral -- She was after all, 94-years-old and not a blood relative.

Interestingly, there were some people who were surprised at my husband's display of emotion at the funeral. She was after all, 94-years-old and not a blood relative.

Upon learning of this reaction, my husband addressed the issue on the following Shabbos during his sermon. He observed that the very astonishment itself spoke to a lamentable loss of feeling and emotion in our times, and that we seem unable to form attachments to anything that would be cause for grieving. He then went on to explain what was really at the heart of his deep sense of loss.

SHE APPRECIATED EVERYTHING

Customarily, he related, Mrs. Cash would eat weekly at our Shabbos table. She loved the atmosphere, the words of Torah, the songs, and especially relished the inspiring stories of the Chassidic Masters that my husband would tell during the "Tish" (the Shabbos repast).

My husband stated that Mrs. Cash's uniqueness was in her capacity to express appreciation and gratitude for things that others take for granted.

"That was such an inspiring story," she would say, "that was such a heartwarming song ... you create such a spiritual environment." Her warm eyes sparkled and her bright smile confirmed her words. She took advantage of every opportunity to compliment, affirm and validate others. Everyone mattered in her eyes.

A young friend, who on one occasion had spent a weekend with her, told me of the following incident:

Mrs. Cash had started to carry a bag of garbage to the alley. Her young friend protested insisting that she be allowed to do it instead. Mrs. Cash refused, and, since neither would relent, they decided to take it out together. Just then the garbage truck appeared and one of the men took the bag from Mrs. Cash's hands. She looked up at him and said, "Thank you very much sir." To which he replied, "I am not a sir, I am just a garbage man."

She looked at him and stated most emphatically, "You work hard, you make an honest living, you are definitely a sir."

She looked at him and stated most emphatically, "You work hard, you make an honest living, you are definitely a sir." My friend remarked that she saw the garbage man straighten up proudly and virtually grow a few inches right in front of her eyes.

One of the most important lessons that Mrs. Cash's life confirmed is that all of us need a good word. All of us can use a pat on the back, an acknowledgement of our worth and an affirmation that we make a difference. All of us benefit from a smile -- a ray of sunshine in our lives to brighten our down days and dreary moments.

IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH

Mrs. Cash provided that energy for us and that's why her absence is so painful. She leaves us an incredibly rich legacy of wisdom and love. She taught us that this much needed recognition can be given and that it doesn't take all that much.

We just need to remember that the person next to us is much the same as ourselves. They too have feelings and needs and are, as we are at times, very vulnerable. We should demand of ourselves to do as she did, to think what we can do or say to somehow make others more equal to life and its challenges.

Indeed, we grieve over the loss of a person who let us know we mattered. And for that reason, Mrs. Cash will forever matter to us.

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About the Author

Rebbetzin Feige Twerski of Milwaukee, Wisconsin has devoted her life to Jewish education and Outreach, giving lectures worldwide on a myriad of Judaic subjects. She is a mother of 11 children, and many grandchildren whose number she refuses to divulge. She serves as the Rebbetzin along side her husband, Rabbi Michel Twerski, of Congregation Beth Jehudah of Milwaukee.

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Visitor Comments: 1

(1)
Anonymous,
March 5, 2001 12:00 AM

I am a mom in her thirties and for some reason I have a fear of aging. Perhaps because I see in society the marginilization of the elderly. The lack of respect for their knowledge. Sometimes I think of how I will be when I am older. This article touched me deeply and I will take Mrs. Cash's Life as a lesson. To know that at the end of 94 years what she learned after all of those years in this world was to be kind. To show you care to others. To be enthusiastic and warm and to always know whom you are standing before. Although I was not priviledged to know Mrs. Cash in life I have learned from her Death a very important lesson. One I hope I never forget.

Suddenly I am less fearful of aging. If this is what I have to look forward to I can do this with a joyful heart. I guess sometimes you can forget (if you are raised in the secular world) that HaShem made us all young and old and we are important at all stages of life. Not only the young, but the old too.
Thank You Rebbitzen...and Thank you Mrs. Cash
Leah

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I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!