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Last modified: Monday, 14-Nov-2011 16:22:10 EST

University Counseling Center (UCC)

The Demanding Student

Typically, the time and energy you give to the demanding student is never enough. They often seek to control your time and unconsciously believe the amount of time received is a reflection of their worth. Students who are demanding can be intrusive and persistent and may require much time and attention. Demanding traits can be associated with anxiety, depression, personality problems, and/or thought disorders, mania, drug use/abuse.

Characteristics of student who are demanding include:

A sense of entitlement

An inability to empathize

A need for control

Difficulty in dealing with ambiguity

Perfectionism

Difficulty with structure and limits

Dependency

Fears about handling life

Elevated mood

Drug use or abuse

What You Can Do:

Talk to the student in a place that is safe and comfortable

Remain calm and take the lead

Offer limited but positive feedback

Set limits on your time and keep to them (e.g., "I have only 10 minutes" or "Excuse me, I need to attend to other things")

Emphasize behaviors that are and aren't acceptable

Be prepared for manipulative requests and behaviors

Respond quickly and with clear limits to behavior that disrupts class, student sessions, or consultations

Maintain clear boundaries in relationship

Offer them other possibilities of places to get support/attention

Don't:

Argue with the student

Give in to inappropriate requests, making exceptions, special "deals" bargains

Adjust your schedule or policies to accommodate the student

Ignore inappropriate behavior that has a negative impact on you or other students

Feel obligated to take care of the student, or feeling guilty for not doing more