Substance. That’s what I was missing. A ‘good girl’ who got lost and didn’t know what to do with her life. Living really, day-to-day for my own enjoyment. But I did.not.know. When we don’t know, we don’t know.

My saving grace, in retrospect, was relocating to Nashville, TN. Nashville is where I found myself, who I could be. Finding a good group of like-minded friends and a great church changed my life. Gradually and with fervent prayer, I became someone I liked. Dare I say, really liked?

But let me tell you, it was a journey. Nashville is chock full of churches. The first one I walked into – well – it was less than stellar. That’s for another time. Otter Creek Church of Christ and Bobby Harrington, the minister, made the difference. Listening to every.single.word. So very grateful for that time of learning and pruning. Yes, not everyone who attends church can be kind, but so many are kind and loving, and more than make-up for those who are not.

Bobby and Cindy Harrington

One of the best books I ever invested in, “The Complete Book of Christian Prayer” along with anything from Oswald Chambers are great devotionals. On November 25, 1996 (yes, I’m that old!) the series Purity of Heart is when my transformation began.

Prayer #575 from “The Complete Book of Christian Prayer”

Almighty God, in whom we live and move and have our being, thou hast made us for thyself, so that our hearts are restless until they find rest in thee; grant us purity of heart and strength of purpose, that no selfish passion may hinder us from knowing thy will, no weakness from doing it; but in thy light may we see light, and in thy service find perfect freedom; through Jesus Christ our Lord.

from St. Augustine, 354-430

My parents always told me I was the most beautiful, most talented with the ability to do anything. I believed them. This confidence made me brave enough to try anything, Seeing God in their eyes, their behavior made all the difference for me. Not only did I have their ‘net’ I had God’s.

It is SO hard. I didn’t do it lightly. Sitting in church, I knew I had to leave or would break into tears. So, I left. I was not doing this ‘cutting of my ties’ well at all.

There are seasons for everything, loyal, I never want friends, family – anyone to feel disposable because of something I say or do. Interestingly, I couldn’t really see it then, but it was me that was being discarded!

Knowing I would miss some of the group more than others, they were a big part of my move to Nashville. But I wouldn’t miss this mean-spiritedness I sometimes witnessed and worse, participated one time too many.

I had no choice to cut ties if I wanted my life to be in tune with my heart. It just hurt so much.

Have you ever left someone behind? Did you find it as difficult?

Luckily, I found comfort and guidance from Cindy and Bobby Harrington. He’s now a minister in Tennessee, and I credit Bobby with teaching me how to pray. Their gift of Authentic Grace, friendship is unsurpassed.

Truly Authentic Grace exhausts every single avenue to solve relationship issues, however they must be played out.

At one point in my life — sometimes my mouth got/still gets the better of me — in front of a family member I said *^&*()*. From that time, more than two years ago, this person has refused to be in the same room with me despite my apologies.

We have no control of another’s decisions about forgiveness.

When something like that happens, to be at peace, we must know we’ve done our best to do what is right.

Painful as it may be, there is a plan for all of us. Not everyone follows our script, or has our same beliefs. But if we cannot get along, face one another and discuss our differences and compromise, how can we expect our leaders to do the same?

I do not want one act, one mistake to define me, nor do I want to define you by one mistake. That’s why face-to-face is always good with any misunderstanding. Without face-to-face we miss being able to ‘listen’ to another with our ‘eyes’……Our eyes are the windows to our soul and it’s only then we know The Heart of the Matter.

Everything begins with us. Everything. That is why our own Authentic Grace is paramount to our well-being.