Keeping Score

So I’m reading radix journal about how the only sort of white identity that is allowed these days is that self-depreciating “OMG white people can’t dance amiright?” hipster SWPL snark, and they linked over to some clickbait trolling article on HuffPoBuzzfeed about 100 ways to tell you’re just a super uncool white, unlike all the Hep Negroes, Vibrant Mestizos, Math Genius Asians, and Holy Jews. So one of the ways you call tell if you are white is if you’ve ever defended Miley Cyrus over her cover of Dolly Parton’s Jolene.

I thought, what? Miley Cyrus covered Dolly Parton’s Jolene? I have to hear that right now. How did I miss this from two years ago? Anyway she does a really credible job, she actually does have a decent voice. Plus the video is so eco-hipster – talk about “implicitly white.” Anyway I finally got a chance to write about Miley Cyrus again – looking at the search terms that lead here, there are a lot of people very concerned that poor Miley Cyrus has been brainwashed by the Illuminati Overlords of the Music Business. Maybe one day I’ll finish writing Flogging Miley but if you haven’t figured it out yet (hint, the CIA brainwashes people with drugs and torture and has been doing it since the 1950s – plus they are the ones that import all of the cocaine) well, you can lead a horse to water, etc.

When I was a kid, the lyrics really struck me. It was how I pictured adult women, they go around stealing men from each other. The men, of course, are merely props for the drama and competition between women. Essentially, men are just how they keep score.

You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
He’s the only one for me
Jolene

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don’t take him even though you can

P.S. Don’t worry Miley you know you’re the only gal for me. Never mind that trashy K Flay girl, we were just talking I swear!