The Mighty Must Fall.

It is probably the most difficult thing we will ever do. Taking an honest look at ourselves, means having to suspend the preferred mythology that we have unwittingly constructed to cope through years of living in this world. No one wants to see himself or herself as weak, cowardly, arrogant, envious, crude, hateful, or cruel; at least, no one with a conscience, that is. We may admire the super- villain in a movie for his prowess and his seeming power to let nothing get in his way of personal domination but at the core of even the most powerful villain is the dark seed of pain.

To what lengths will a person go to keep him or herself from feeling the wounds of love not returned? It could be the love of a parent, a first crush, a love relationship foundered or any other unmet need to be seen and accepted by the target of one’s desires. Sadly, some will go to the gravest ends and means because of the perceived emptiness in relationship and acceptance that they feel within them. Turning their rage and denial outward to those around them because the pain is too great to look at inside themselves, they react, attack, and sometimes even destroy the ones that would seek to love, if only they did not loathe the fact that they need love and acceptance in the first place.

When perceived by the immature ego, the need an desire to feel loved and accepted becomes a perceived vulnerability. Rather than this knowledge empowering the bearer of these emotions to great things, it festers in the insecure gaze of ego and manifests as a weakness that they will seek to deflect, deny, detach and destroy at all costs, including the cost to themselves. One only need pick up a newspaper to read the tragedy of an ego spurned that enacts a self-aggrandized rampage on those he deems the enemy of his wounded self. Open up the pages of a superhero comic to see the backstory of the nemesis spurned by some foundational figure in their innocent years, mother, father, love- interest, community, God. The die is cast and the villain is born in effort to never FEEL that way ever, again. The wounding of the hero, the wounding of the villain, they are same in event but not in outcome. Why is this? It is the perspective of the individual and the place from which they make choices that determines the difference between becoming the villain, ever-acting out the initial inner wounding by wounding back externally or becoming the hero, the one who transforms the vulnerability of brokenness into the opportunity to become something greater.

We face this every day of our lives. Although you may have never have thought of it in such a dramatic scenario, the truth of the matter is there. We are all wounded, foundationally to varying degrees. We have all perceived a loss in some way to our sense of self, to our sense of how it “should be or should have been.” Some of us, take these defining blows and create from it a determination to survive, to never give up, to defy all to the contrary, to succeed in happiness at all costs. Still others take the kicks of living as some kind of commentary as to whom they are. The stab of love lost becomes the declaration of co-dependence. The rejection of affections proffered turns in to the creed “Thou are not loveable.”

These absolutes determined at such a time is about as sensible as the acorn falling from the tree and because it sees this natural, letting go of the tree that held it as personal rejection, the acorn is determined never to grow past its shell for fear of being rejected again. It does not reach out, it does not break the shell that was actually, only meant to save it from the fall, not to house it forever. The only way to grow, to evolve, to change, to become the tall, proud, ancient oak is to let go of being the discarded and fallen acorn.

The truth is that whatever “ rejected” you in the past did not do so out of any reason to do with YOU, but rather it was all to do with themselves and their own level of growth at the moment. That is all there ever is. Even a parent giving children up for adoption ultimately does so because of their OWN situation. Is it in the best interest of the child? Intentionally. Possibly. In actuality, No, that is not always the case. Commonly, the circumstances for whatever the reasons are not conducive to allow another dependent thing to thrive. Thus, like nature, when one can no longer be useful in the growth of another, separation takes place for both parties sake.

The person, or persons, who rebuffed your affections or broke your heart or did not see you, as you wanted them to, did not do those things because of who you are, but because of who THEY are. That is all human beings can do. To continue to live as an adult in the infantile mind of having to be the center of a person’s motivation is to court disaster within your relationships.

Back to the oak trees discarding of the acorn. Do we as human beings look at the fallen acorns beneath the trees in the forest and think “ man, that tree is an asshole! Or What the heck is wrong with these trees?!” Of course we don’t. We recognize it as a natural season in the lifetime of the oak. Can we not look at the founding of our own evolutionary journey the same way? What would have happened if the tree held on to that acorn for all it was worth? The acorn would die. It would never become a tree itself. The separation is necessary for the growth of both beings in the nature of things. Sometimes, in deed it is the actual fall that breaks the shell of the acorn and allows the truth of what lies inside to be freed. Think about that in the context of yourself.

At those volatile moments in your life when the separation and resulting fall cracked you open, what was most true? You were vulnerable. Did you seek in that moment to pull your shell back around you to protect the nakedness and raw openness you felt? Did you just lie there in acceptance of the moment, not sure what happened but understanding that you cannot go back to where you were, how you were?

Growth is a choice. Survival and yes, even success is a choice. Some of us have been psychologically duct-taping our shell back together for decades out of pure will and sheer anxiety. Some of us have been using those sharp edges to lash out at anyone or any situation that tries to coax you out of the shell and encourage you to grow. “I don’t have to change, I am fine the way I am, there is nothing wrong with me, I am generally okay. I don’t need anything, “ This is the same as the acorn saying “ stop trying to see through my patchwork shell into the heart of me, don’t you see I am an acorn? I am fine, I don’t have to become anything other than this. I am happy here, it safe. “

I am telling you and nature is telling you through her own example, that it is okay to fall and it is okay to be broken open. This happens FOR you not TO you. Why? Because life already knows the greater picture; your God, your mother nature, your creator, understands the relationship of all things, knows what is necessary for all beings to thrive, including you, thus it knows the raw and perfect truth. You can know this truth too.