Being Butch Recap: Butch Loves Coke More Than Tyler & I Love Butch More Than Life

Well apparently MTV is just taking requests from me at this point. Last week we had the second coming of Christ in the “Being Barbara” special and now we have “Being Butch.” While I’m putting things out there to MTV, how about: Being Suzi (on a bender) or Being Janet (Jo’s mom) or Being Debra (where she just gets face work done all day and stabs all night?).

If you haven’t seen the episode yet (1) shame on you and (2) watch it right now. It was much different than I thought it was going to be. By that I partly mean that it wasn’t as slapstick as Barb’s episode…and then I partly mean I was a little surprised that sub-titles weren’t used at all. Half the time I wasn’t understanding what Butchy Claus was saying, but I was ok with that because, let’s be honest, Butch is really the new unsung hero in all our lives.

At the time of this filming, Butch is 7-months sober (woo hoo), has washed out that horrible dye-job he got the day he broke free from the slammer, and now owns a fence business because #AmericanDream and #ThanksDonaldTrump. I’m not kidding when I say that when, in his voice-over, he said what is job was I legit thought he said he “opened up an ‘estimates’ business.” I was like, what the hell is that and, well, how can I get an estimate? I was envisioning people calling him up like he was a physic and being like, “How hot do you think it’ll get today” and he would respond with, “I estimate it’ll get up to around 85 degrees.” And then they’d somehow owe him money for that. For real, my mind was racing, but scenes later I finally realized he must have said “fence.” I’m happy for Butch, truly, but there is definitely part of me that thought if Butch ever were to be selling anything it would most likely be this.

In other news, sorry ladies, Butch is officially off the market. He’s landed a little dish named Nadine who doesn’t take any crap from him. We first saw Nadine as they filmed scenes on her puffy fabric couch (a change of pace from the puffy leather couches we are so used to on any Teen Mom show experience) and I wasn’t overly sure if they were both on an acid trip as I watchedor if I was just on an acid trip as they filmed scenes. Something didn’t seem right. First off I couldn’t tell how old Nadine really was…not that it matters, but unless I know these things how else am I supposed to judge her? Her “cross” finger tattoo was a bit of a red flag for me because, for reasons that don’t make sense, I assumed somehow that means she was a big druggie back in the day. Hey as long as it’s not in present time and she’s not tempting Butch with that spoon that you put drugs on and use a lighter to heat it up (I have no idea) then she’s good enough for me!

Butch and Nadine (the Ross and Rachael of our generation) chatted a lot on the couch about getting married. Well, Butch kinda sorta joked about getting married tomorrow and Nadine absolutely didn’t joke about NOT getting married tomorrow. It did warm my blackened heart, however, how she said she had everything she needed right now with Butch. (1) Awwww and (2) swing for the fences…or at least the guy who sells the fences.

Here’s the thing I like about Butch. He really seems to have turned his life around and realizes what a mess he made of his life and his kids life. I did chuckle when Ty and Cate brought up that text that Butch sent Tyler back in the day that just said, “I guess I do love cocaine more than you.” I mean, slow clap for that. You totally know that it also had to be the first text that Butch ever sent. Way to set the bar so high for the rest of us, Butch. Ty must have texted, “Morning dad! Good luck with the new phone!” and then Butch just replied with, “…I love coke more than you” but with that emjoi with the hearts over its eyes. ?

Either way, he really feels bad about that and he brings it up when he and Tyler go to counseling together. Ugh, that scene. Was it just me or was it almost as emotional as that one scene from Orange is the New Black this season? You know the one. I won’t spoil it. When they made Butch watch Tyler’s old episode from therapy (pre voice change?) where he cried and wanted to know why his dad didn’t want him…and then Butch couldn’t hold back the tears was, well, the worst/best. Even the camera crew stopped to give Butch a hug over his huge breakthrough. I give that scene 4 out of 4 Butch rat-tails.

Ok let’s lighten things up for a second. Remember how Butch was freaked out that he had to do his own voice-overs like Cate and Ty? Uh, well was it just me or were his voice-overs the best out of all the teen moms from any season?! Sure half the time I was like, “Um, what now?” but they were the most natural and, dare I say, fun? Butch is really my favorite person of the week right now (next to whomever wrote Melania Trump’s speech last night that may or may not have been partially taken from Michelle Obama’s speech circa 1998. I was just waiting for Milani to change into a sleeveless J. Crew dress).

Another favorite scene was the car scene where he and Ty were driving around and Ty wouldn’t let Butch get a word in edgewise because he said Butch never actually listened to anyone when they try to give him advice…and Ty just kept talking over him and, well, not listening….so say hello kettle! Anyway, Butch was sad because he thinks the online world thought he was the biggest loser back in the Teen Mom days when he was on drugs and everyone hated him, but then the producer chimed in from her walkie-talkie saying that everyone thought the opposite now and they edited in all the Tweets of support to Butch. I have to be honest, I was hoping one of mine would show up, but I guess I just need to be grateful there’s just a show called Being Butch on right now and that has to just be enough for me.

In the end, Butch kinds teases out the idea that he wants to buy a pre-engagement ring for Nadine, but surprises all of us when he settles for a “key” necklace and springs it on Nadine at the restaurant. Oh, and speaking of the restaurant, Butch ordered 15 different meals and for some reason this is the first time that I realized, “Oh my God…Butch is literally like a 14 year old boy.” I don’t know why this took me years to piece together, but I guess this is like my therapy breakthrough moment too! Someone give me a hug. I’m sure he’ll work on that, but either way Nadine was so happy that she now had “the key to Butch’s heart.”

I know I’ve said this 10,000 times, but I really do think Butch needs his own show and I would, for real, watch it. It’s not really a train wreck like with Barb…or what I would only assume April’s show to be like, but a feel-good show where we get to root Butch on, see how he rebuilds his life, and watch on the edge of our seats to see if that blessed rat-tail, one day, will be back in all of our lives. I’ll add that to my prayer circle.

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