America, meet your new Hollywood rant machine: Alex Pettyfer, the I Am Number Four star who reportedly morphed into a "psycho loose cannon" after breaking up with a "terrified" Dianna Agron, then almost missed a movie premiere because he was busy watching his house burn down. (After firefighters put out the blaze, a wild-haired Pettyfer arrived in time for Beastly's red carpet.)

But wait, that was just the preamble! The new material is from Pettyfer's interview with V Man: He finds his girlfriend-stalking pyromaniac rage rumors "fucking funny." Los Angeles is "this insidious pool where nearly everyone lives in fear. Geographically it's fantastic, but socially it's disgusting. I wish they'd run all the cunts out." Celebrity pains him: "Being an actor is like being in prison. You go, you serve your time, you try and replicate Johnny Depp's career and then you move to Paris." Finally, he has a tattoo above his penis that reads Thank You, which he explains is "in case I forget to say it." Apparently he said that last part "while winking." [E!, image via Getty]

"Greasy bear" Brandon Davis—Hollywood gadabout, oil heir, LiLo "firecrotch" ranter, Hilton bosom buddy, user of the n-word, and brother of Gummi—was arrested for battery and felony possession of a controlled substance last night. Apparently he punched comedian Ben Gleib in the face at the Roosevelt Hotel, shortly after being denied entry from some other place. [TMZ]

"Exclusive: Jessica Simpson: My wedding date is set!" But she won't tell us what it is. Nuptial tease. [Us]

Blake Lively was "a total trainwreck" at the Time 100 gala. That is, the train on her Little Mermaid drag ball gown was an unwieldy mess. After society photographer Patrick McMullan stepped on it, she safety pinned it to the back of her dress. [NYDN, image via Getty]

Dancer-punching starlet-on-the-mend Demi Lovato is going to be a bridesmaid in a Sonny with a Chance costar's wedding. They grow up so fast! [People]

Did you know Britney Spears' super-ripped boyfriend Jason Trawick was 50 lbs. heavier and had no muscle tone whatsoever when they first started dating? I'm impressed that Us even recognized these two images as portraying the same person. Looks like his two-year self-improvement bend included manscaping, too. [Us]

Following death threats from crazed Avril Lavigne fans, swimsuit model Chrissy Teigen quasi-apologized for tweet-trashing their emo leader: "I would formally like to apologize but only one of those ‘sorry you are offended' apologies." Kind of love this girl. [E!, @ChrissyTeigen]

Ooh, agency fight. This is only interesting to the small subset of people who work in show business, but here you go: Mariska Hargitay is suing William Morris Endeavor for trying to take her Law & Order: SVU money after she fired them for failing to nail down a contract for seasons 11 and 12 of that show. She switched to CAA, which got her the contract she wanted, so she paid them a standard commission. But now WME wants a cut, too, so she's going to court to stop them. Cue the L&O dun-dun noise. [TMZ]