Some people feel a great deal of pressure to be good at sex. As a result, some people rush right out and have sex with whomever can have sex with them.

Question: I had a very bad “first time” experience. I’m 18 years old and I went to a hooker place. Once she and I entered the room and took off our clothes, I didn’t get an erection whatsoever. I was so nervous. This has lowered my confidence with girls and dating. Can stress cause erectile dysfunction?

I’m sorry to hear that your first attempt at sex was scary, made you feel nervous and resulted in your feeling less confident dating women.

For the Very First Time

Some men and women – but perhaps particularly men – feel a great deal of pressure to have sex and to be good at sex. As a result, some men rush right out and have sex with whoever can have sex with them, even if it someone they don’t know very well or don’t know at all, or someone they have just met or paid for sex.

Some men choose this route because they just want to get their first time over with. However, it’s common for men to experience problems with erections or ejaculation the first time they have sex – especially if they are feeling nervous about what their first time will feel like, whether they will be any good at sex, or what their partner will think of them.

Men often find it easier to get an keep an erection when they feel relaxed and very excited or aroused. If you felt scared about being where you were, then it’s not surprising that it would be difficult to get an erection. And if you didn’t know the woman you paid to have sex, you may not have felt very excited by her.

Taking It Slow

It also doesn’t sound like you engaged in much foreplay – it sounds like you two just walked into a room and took your clothes off. Though that might be exciting for some people, many men and women find that spending time in foreplay helps them to feel more aroused. Foreplay can help men to get an erection and it can help women to lubricate or become “wet.”

You might consider waiting to have sex until you find someone who you know, like, feel aroused by, and feel comfortable with. If you spend time getting to know someone, you will likely feel more comfortable with them. When you try to have sex again, consider spending at least 10 or 20 minutes kissing and touching each other’s bodies in ways that feel exciting to you. This should help both of you to feel aroused.

Protection

You might also consider what will help you and your partner to feel more comfortable and less stressed. For example, many people find that using a condom helps them to feel more comfortable as does using other forms of highly effective birth control, such as the birth control pill, so that they can feel less anxious about accidentally becoming pregnant.

If you and the woman you paid for sex did anything sexual at together – for example, if she put her mouth on your genitals or if you put your mouth on her genitals or if you tried to have vaginal or anal sex – then you will want to get tested for sexually transmissible infections, or STIs.

Also, you may feel more comfortable if your next partner is tested for STIs before you try to have sex. Talking to your partner and making sure that you both have your needs met for pleasure and protection can go a long way toward better sex.

Debby Herbenick is an associate professor at Indiana University, a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute, and an AASECT certified sexuality educator. She is the author of several books including Sex Made Easy and Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

Read Next

Research studies are quite clear that sex workers – particularly those that are working illegally, which most sex workers in the US are doing given laws that prohibit exchanging sex for money – tend to be more likely to have sexually transmissible infections (STI) such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, and herpes.