Wednesday Watch List: Paula Deen Will Consume Us All

Published at 8:30 AM CST on Feb 23, 2011 | Updated at 1:45 PM CDT on May 30, 2012

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and eat three more donuts than you had planned on eating. LET’S GO!

TOP CHEF ALL STARS – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) GAHHHHHHHHH PAULA DEEN ALERT! PAULA DEEN ALERT! THREAT LEVEL CRISCO! Why on Earth are they trotting out this woman for “Top Chef”? The reason I watch “Top Chef” is because it’s the only food show on television that Deen hasn’t yet infiltrated with her greasy, grubby paws. This is a show about fine dining, dammit. I don’t want to see the chefs make buttermilk taffy. I’m growing angrier merely at the prospect. I hope Dale says terrible things to her face. You know he’s capable of it. ANTICIPATION: DEEN!

SHEDDING FOR THE WEDDING – 9:00PM (CW) CW’s newest reality competition features nine overweight couples (big love!) seeing who can drop weight the fastest in order to win a dream wedding, i.e. a wedding that is fully paid for. Let’s hope these couple don’t lose too much weight, because if they do, then they might not actually get married because they’re skinny and gorgeous and don’t have to date obese people anymore. Stay tuned for the spinoff to this show, “Gainin’ For The Potty Trainin’,” in which every contestant that lost weight on this show gains it all back the second they have children. It’ll happen to YOU. ANTICIPATION: FAT!

JUSTIFIED – 10:00PM (FX) There’s a scene at a roadhouse this week. See? I told you this show was the spiritual descendant of that movie! Just slap hair extensions on Timothy Olyphant and suddenly Raylan becomes RayDalton. Pain don’t hurt! ANTICIPATION: ROADHOUSE!

AMERICAN IDOL – 8:00PM (FOX) Tell you what I didn’t see coming: the new “Idol” holding up in the ratings. The Simon-less extravaganza has maintained its grip atop the Nielsens thus far. Is it because everyone loves the new judges? Are the singers better this go round? Or is it just because there really isn’t anything else on and “Idol” is a kind of mindless default program that everyone can turn to without fear of being offended? Yeah, let’s all bet on the latter. ANTICIPATION: LOPEZ!

THE GODFATHER 2 – 8:00PM (AMC) I know it was you, Bob. You broke my heart. What’s that? It was Fredo? Really? Dang. I did NOT see that coming. Sorry about the whole broken heart spiel, Bob. Now help me get Fredo onto this fishing boat. ANTICIPATION: COLD-BLOODED!