Anything to help out the mods! (This is where I get banned for intentionally bypassing the swear filter. My lawyer points out I didn't actually type the swearwords again for the bypass, there is a small period in each of them!)

Personally, donkey then donkey opening amused me. I'm bringing dishonour to my home town though, a Glaswegian should know more swear words off the top of his head. Excellently, one of my friends I call sugarplum.

Hope I'm not jumping the gun, and everything continues to improve, but...

Still don't know the full facts yet because no one's been in a fit state to give them. However the story so far is that my grown up nephew (in Australia), went to the doctors a couple of weeks ago with suspected tonsillitis and was immediately rushed to hospital - turns out he had some sort of sepsis and necrotizing (flesh eating) bug or something.

In less than a day he was already critically ill, they had to put him in a coma because his organs were failing, and they almost immediately removed tissue from his (left?) leg, and opened up all his other limbs to check the spread of the infection. By about day two/three they were saying he had less than 10% chance of survival, and if he did, then it might only be because they'd amputated his limbs to stop the diseasing spreading.

Long story short; somehow or other he/they managed to fight off the disease, nothing was amputated, his organs are improving (still on dialysis though), they finally managed to bring him round (not yet properly with it), and the prognosis seems to be getting better every day - except he now has pneumonia.

Fingers crossed he keeps up the recovery, it was extremely touch and go for a while, but most of the news is hopefully going to remain positive - hope so for the sake of his wife and two small children.

My sister/his mum asked everyone to pray for him, I abstained because I'm not into that sort of stuff, but I'd never go out of my way to tell her. If she wants to put everything down to the power of pray, that's perfectly OK with me, it's helped her get through a very difficult time.

Anything to help out the mods! (This is where I get banned for intentionally bypassing the swear filter. My lawyer points out I didn't actually type the swearwords again for the bypass, there is a small period in each of them!)

Personally, donkey then donkey opening amused me. I'm bringing dishonour to my home town though, a Glaswegian should know more swear words off the top of his head. Excellently, one of my friends I call sugarplum.

I believe this list is why I should never be allowed near shiny buttons after a lot of sugar. But people wanted a swear filter, so I thought we might as well have the most insane one on the internet.

all hail the mods, sugarplum

_________________

AlienTurnedHuman wrote:

Eurytus probably thought he was God. At least until he was banned. Which means if he was God, it makes me very scared of PF1-Mod.

I'm trying to quit smoking again. Alas, most attempts I go for about a week (imo the worst of the cravings are about 48-72 hours and after that the urge to smoke is less) then I usually chocolate fudge cake it all up but I guess every cigarette not smoked it some benefit. I think the main reason I smoke when I'm at work is simply boredom. I work in a lab/office on my own. It is not uncommon for me to go from 8:30 to 17:00 without actually speaking or seeing anyone else. I actually smoke more during the week than weekends generally. I think my per day number is probably around 10 on average. A 20 deck is £8, so £4 a day is about my potential saving. £120 per month. A grand and a half per year. Given what I make at the moment, I actually spend a months paycheck per year on smokes. £120 is more than my quarterly energy bill.

Day one down. £4 in the tuperware (I've found I do a little better when I can visually see the money I'm saving and I don't have a jar so tuperware is the next best thing.)

My best friend smokes and I'll be round at his house this weekend.

If I don't smoke for a week, I can buy a nice curry from our local curry house with the savings.3 months, I can buy a new videogame console.1 year, and I'm halfway to the holiday to Japan I've always wanted to take.I just have to remember these numbers and the health implications and fact I'm swimming pool away £4 every single day.

Day 3.Finding I only need willpower until 10:45 at night. After that it's too late to get tot he shop to buy fags.Finding also that I won't buy cigarettes if I don't have a lighter (I have always disliked having to buy lighters). I chukced my disposable ones out. I have my zippo but that's out of gas. I also have an electric hob so I don't think I could like a cigarette from it. Trying to avoid any temptation. Tomorrow should be much less of a hassle as usually I think cravings subside a lot after 3 nights.Truth be told, not finding it that hard at the moment. I almost expect to screw this all up but it's about £12 and 3 days without smoking so far.

Edit: Today marks a week. Not heavily missing smoking actually. Almost £30 saved. Haven't cheated. The hardest part was not having a cheeky fag right before bed those first few nights.

Next milestone is 2 weeks. Then 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months, 6 months, 1 year! I plan on keeping this system of moving some cash into a different account (I don't want a year's worth of cigarette savings in my house - that's a lot of money). Maybe I'll buy myself a new console, or be able to get a trip away somewhere with the savings.

Whenever I have "quit" before my downfall has been either a traumatic event or getting drunk and buying cigarettes. If I buy fags, I hate to throw them away and waste the money and so it begins the new cycle of smoking. I've not been drinking lately (I think last time I ingested alcohol was Silverstone 2013) though I wouldn't say "I don't drink". We'll see how it goes.

Looks like it's been a while now mac_d, how's it going? You keeping it up? I've gave up once for 2 years when my then wife found out she was pregnant, than a traumatic event caused me to start. I gave a couple of years ago too for 6 months and another major event and stress caused me to start again. Stress and trauma seems to be us smokers downfall. I'm not saying that I wish you to have stressful/traumatic event happen, but if you can get through one, you've got it cracked.

Hope it's still going ok though.

p.s. this is the first time I've posted in this thread, but I've been having such a disreputable week or two, I thought I'd have a look to see if it could cheer me up. I think your list of swear filter words may have done just that But you missed the best one - all hail the mods (f.ucking)

_________________There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

Looks like it's been a while now mac_d, how's it going? You keeping it up? I've gave up once for 2 years when my then wife found out she was pregnant, than a traumatic event caused me to start. I gave a couple of years ago too for 6 months and another major event and stress caused me to start again. Stress and trauma seems to be us smokers downfall. I'm not saying that I wish you to have stressful/traumatic event happen, but if you can get through one, you've got it cracked.

Hope it's still going ok though.

p.s. this is the first time I've posted in this thread, but I've been having such a disreputable week or two, I thought I'd have a look to see if it could cheer me up. I think your list of swear filter words may have done just that But you missed the best one - all hail the mods (f.ucking)

Still off the fags.

I started smoking when I was a teenager. I stopped for a bit then one of my close friends died in a car accident and started again. Then I stopped for a bit after a while then had a major stressful period at Uni and started again. So I know the feeling about trauma and stress that you describe. The main thing keeping me going is the money saved, and that I want to get healthier. I'm pretty fat (though working on that again). I smoked for years. And I realised that I don't want to be die 20 or 30 years earlier than if I cut down a little on my excesses.

Trying to pull myself together and get over an awful year last year. I've stopped drinking the usual nightly amount I've been on most nights for the past few months and not touched a drop in 2 weeks now (fairly easy really) and now taking a leaf from mac_d's book I'm giving up the smokes too. Been almost a day now and although I wasn't that confident that I could even last a week, if I can get through the rest of my shift tonight I'm in with a shout of success.

Here's hoping I can make and feel fit enough to start back exercising soon instead of collapsing in a wheezing lump of sweaty fat after running up a flight of stairs!

And mac_d, how are you keeping with the non-smoking?

_________________There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

Trying to pull myself together and get over an awful year last year. I've stopped drinking the usual nightly amount I've been on most nights for the past few months and not touched a drop in 2 weeks now (fairly easy really) and now taking a leaf from mac_d's book I'm giving up the smokes too. Been almost a day now and although I wasn't that confident that I could even last a week, if I can get through the rest of my shift tonight I'm in with a shout of success.

Here's hoping I can make and feel fit enough to start back exercising soon instead of collapsing in a wheezing lump of sweaty fat after running up a flight of stairs!

And mac_d, how are you keeping with the non-smoking?

I pretty much do not smoke anymore. I think my basic fitness (bearing in mind I'm still fat) has improved. Biggest thing for me, was making sure to keep track of the money savings for the first while when cravings are still strong. I don't make much money, so that was a big deal for me. And the price of cigarettes keeps skyrocketing. When I was 16 (2004 or so) it was under £6 for 20 Marlboro Lights. I was behind someone buying fags the other day and I'm sure they paid over £9. In an average month after I pay my bills, get my food and put a little money into my rainy day/big trip fund, I have about £200 of money that is actually mine to have fun with. Smoking is too expensive for me now.

A rare, positive post from me. I've had a crappy couple of years. I'd call them hell but I do have enough perspective to know that things could have been a lot worse. 2016 and 2017 were mean and I had a lot of bad times (like within myself, no one died or significant tragedies, I'm not sick, I had food in my belly and a roof over my head so they could also have been much, much worse). 2018 already feels like a bit of a turning point. Making some changes. Partly motivated by how much I hate myself and the last 2 or 3 years, partly motivated by thinking that I'm 30 this summer and there is still time to sort everything out as long as I put the effort in but I need to start right now. It's never too late, they say. I was going to change up a bunch of things at New Year but decided not to put it off and started about the 18th of December instead.

mac_d wrote:

minchy wrote:

Trying to pull myself together and get over an awful year last year. I've stopped drinking the usual nightly amount I've been on most nights for the past few months and not touched a drop in 2 weeks now (fairly easy really) and now taking a leaf from mac_d's book I'm giving up the smokes too. Been almost a day now and although I wasn't that confident that I could even last a week, if I can get through the rest of my shift tonight I'm in with a shout of success.

Here's hoping I can make and feel fit enough to start back exercising soon instead of collapsing in a wheezing lump of sweaty fat after running up a flight of stairs!

And mac_d, how are you keeping with the non-smoking?

I pretty much do not smoke anymore. I think my basic fitness (bearing in mind I'm still fat) has improved. Biggest thing for me, was making sure to keep track of the money savings for the first while when cravings are still strong. I don't make much money, so that was a big deal for me. And the price of cigarettes keeps skyrocketing. When I was 16 (2004 or so) it was under £6 for 20 Marlboro Lights. I was behind someone buying fags the other day and I'm sure they paid over £9. In an average month after I pay my bills, get my food and put a little money into my rainy day/big trip fund, I have about £200 of money that is actually mine to have fun with. Smoking is too expensive for me now.

So that all fell by the wayside. That was 2015! That was a couple of days before my oral examination for my PhD and the stress made me want to smoke. And I didn't stop again. I switched from proper filtered cigarettes to rollies as they are much better value imo. Been puffing away at them. My clothes always stink of fags. My flat is small so even with the window open when I smoke it reeks (and the cold winter meant I was always cold from having the window open every 90 mins or so). The cost was bad and, you know, the whole cancer thing is a worry. So I stopped cold turkey in mid-December. See, normally I'd think I'd want to quit but I'd finish the pack. Then I'd buy another pack because it'd seem better to quit starting overnight rather than quite after an evening ciggie. Didn't do that this time. Put all my tobacco, all my papers, all my filters and all my lighters in a tupperware and gave them to my mate who smokes still telling him he could have them or I was binning them at his. Then I asked my best mates to do me a favour. If they see me smoke, or if I admit to smoking or they think I smell like I have been smoking, they get a free shot at my nuts. Fairly sure I'd have stuck with it this time, but that's some solid motivation. So I'm a month+ off cigarettes. I still reeeeeeeeeally want a fag whenever I think about them, but starting to get to an out of sight, out of mind place rather than craving them all day. Hopefully I'm not an idiot and I stick with it this time.

Issue #2 I've tried to fix - This might sound weird as balding men tend to fall into two groups: those who accept it and don't worry about it and those who it's a surprisingly big deal for. I was the latter group. I never got why some men worried about it so much until it happened to me. But, I finally buzzed all my (remaining) hair the other night.

I had long hair from when I was 16 until 26. Like, half way down my back, a glorious thick mane. I cut it a few years ago as it was long overdue. When I did cut it, I got the unfortunate surprise that my hair had massively thinned out and I had a bald spot that was covered by my hair always being tied back. So I had a bad comb over for quite a while (and yes, I really thought I was fooling people and now realise that no, I really was not). I cut my hair to a #6 last year and it was pretty bad looking. It's still thick on the back and sides but the top is really sparse. I did this #6 cut again on Sunday and looked in the mirror and thought "F*ck it" and buzzed down to a #1. Essentially bald now.

I very much regret.... not doing this a few years ago. I'm quite a big guy, 6 foot 3, broad built with some muscle and a bit more fat than I'd like so it's not an awful look. It's just another thing I've actually had on my mind for the last 3 or 4 years worrying about people seeing how crap my hair looked (which is stupid because everyone sees your hair so much more than you do and from more angles and different lightings than you do yourself so it's much, much more obvious to them how baldy you are) that to not have to worry about it is a huge relief. And, as seems to happen with all my niggling problems, they are just silly in the end. I actually quite like the look, it's at least better than the thinning hair/ bald spot look for me - if you offered me to wake up with a full head of hair tomorrow I'd take it. Showed my friends last night and the remarks ranged from "you can pull it off surprisingly well" to "it's not great, but it's better than what it was" so I'll take that. Gotta work with what we got. Only downside - holy f**k my head has never felt this cold compared to the rest of me.

Issue #3 - I've been eating right and exercising since mid-December. Obviously, bit of a bumpy start due to Christmas and New Year but actually other than the hilarious amount of roast parsnips I consumed on Christmas day, I kept everything mostly quite moderated. Stuck with it for 5 weeks or so now and I'm down to the lightest I've been since I started tracking my weight properly on an app a few years ago. I'm saving money because I'm not buying ready meals and going to the chippy or getting pizza delivery. I make nice meals and then split them into 3 or 4 and have them over the next few days. I have 3 square meals. 7am, 1pm (+/- 90 mins), 8pm every day without fail so far. No snacking. I track everything I eat and drink. I finally stopped drinking so many sugary energy drinks. I'm eating at least 3 portions of veggies per day (I'm Glaswegian, gotta ease into these things). I get up early and walk 2.5 miles before getting ready for work each morning and if I miss it, I go out in the evening before I do anything like play the Xbox or watch some Netflix or the like. I found a yoga thing that is 10 or so minutes long and that's really helped me with some back pain I had since I've been doing that every morning pretty much as soon as I get up. I want to start running but I figured that I'd rather do this to get a bit lighter and a bit fitter and a bit more removed from the cigarette blackened lungs first as I could probably only run a couple of hundred meters before I'd be out of puff at this point. I lift some weights and do some home exercise (press ups, squats, dips etc) too. Weight is coming off quite easily (though I have a lot of fat so it's not that hard at this point). My brother mentioned I was looking like I'd lost weight, a few friends have said. I fit into a shirt I used to love wearing for the first time in a long time. A flight of stairs doesn't leave me quite so out of breath and starting to sweat. I don't hate the guy in the mirror quite as much.

Moreover, I sleep a lot better and just feel better. Not sure if it's the diet or the exercise but it's making life a loss less unbearable. Still got quite a long way to go. I'd like to drop another 2 stone/28lbs/12.5 kg before my birthday in June. That would put me just about at the upper end of "healthy" weight for my height.

Anyway, something feels different about me trying to change this time around. I've tried to quite smoking many times before. I've tried to lose weight before many times. This time feels different. Perhaps this will sound odd, but before I was thinking "I should do this" whereas now it's more a combination of "I cannot not do this"/"I hate my life right now and I need to change and these are my big issues". I never think I'll quit my attempts and I always have, but this time I really feel different about it. Maybe that's naive, but it's held for a month so far and since I'm starting to see results it's a bit easier to stay motivated.

So, I guess, for the first time in quite a long while I actually feel somewhat positive about my life. Things are at least trending in the right direction just now.

A rare, positive post from me. I've had a crappy couple of years. I'd call them hell but I do have enough perspective to know that things could have been a lot worse. 2016 and 2017 were mean and I had a lot of bad times (like within myself, no one died or significant tragedies, I'm not sick, I had food in my belly and a roof over my head so they could also have been much, much worse). 2018 already feels like a bit of a turning point. Making some changes. Partly motivated by how much I hate myself and the last 2 or 3 years, partly motivated by thinking that I'm 30 this summer and there is still time to sort everything out as long as I put the effort in but I need to start right now. It's never too late, they say. I was going to change up a bunch of things at New Year but decided not to put it off and started about the 18th of December instead.

mac_d wrote:

minchy wrote:

Trying to pull myself together and get over an awful year last year. I've stopped drinking the usual nightly amount I've been on most nights for the past few months and not touched a drop in 2 weeks now (fairly easy really) and now taking a leaf from mac_d's book I'm giving up the smokes too. Been almost a day now and although I wasn't that confident that I could even last a week, if I can get through the rest of my shift tonight I'm in with a shout of success.

Here's hoping I can make and feel fit enough to start back exercising soon instead of collapsing in a wheezing lump of sweaty fat after running up a flight of stairs!

And mac_d, how are you keeping with the non-smoking?

I pretty much do not smoke anymore. I think my basic fitness (bearing in mind I'm still fat) has improved. Biggest thing for me, was making sure to keep track of the money savings for the first while when cravings are still strong. I don't make much money, so that was a big deal for me. And the price of cigarettes keeps skyrocketing. When I was 16 (2004 or so) it was under £6 for 20 Marlboro Lights. I was behind someone buying fags the other day and I'm sure they paid over £9. In an average month after I pay my bills, get my food and put a little money into my rainy day/big trip fund, I have about £200 of money that is actually mine to have fun with. Smoking is too expensive for me now.

So that all fell by the wayside. That was 2015! That was a couple of days before my oral examination for my PhD and the stress made me want to smoke. And I didn't stop again. I switched from proper filtered cigarettes to rollies as they are much better value imo. Been puffing away at them. My clothes always stink of fags. My flat is small so even with the window open when I smoke it reeks (and the cold winter meant I was always cold from having the window open every 90 mins or so). The cost was bad and, you know, the whole cancer thing is a worry. So I stopped cold turkey in mid-December. See, normally I'd think I'd want to quit but I'd finish the pack. Then I'd buy another pack because it'd seem better to quit starting overnight rather than quite after an evening ciggie. Didn't do that this time. Put all my tobacco, all my papers, all my filters and all my lighters in a tupperware and gave them to my mate who smokes still telling him he could have them or I was binning them at his. Then I asked my best mates to do me a favour. If they see me smoke, or if I admit to smoking or they think I smell like I have been smoking, they get a free shot at my nuts. Fairly sure I'd have stuck with it this time, but that's some solid motivation. So I'm a month+ off cigarettes. I still reeeeeeeeeally want a fag whenever I think about them, but starting to get to an out of sight, out of mind place rather than craving them all day. Hopefully I'm not an idiot and I stick with it this time.

Issue #2 I've tried to fix - This might sound weird as balding men tend to fall into two groups: those who accept it and don't worry about it and those who it's a surprisingly big deal for. I was the latter group. I never got why some men worried about it so much until it happened to me. But, I finally buzzed all my (remaining) hair the other night.

I had long hair from when I was 16 until 26. Like, half way down my back, a glorious thick mane. I cut it a few years ago as it was long overdue. When I did cut it, I got the unfortunate surprise that my hair had massively thinned out and I had a bald spot that was covered by my hair always being tied back. So I had a bad comb over for quite a while (and yes, I really thought I was fooling people and now realise that no, I really was not). I cut my hair to a #6 last year and it was pretty bad looking. It's still thick on the back and sides but the top is really sparse. I did this #6 cut again on Sunday and looked in the mirror and thought "F*ck it" and buzzed down to a #1. Essentially bald now.

I very much regret.... not doing this a few years ago. I'm quite a big guy, 6 foot 3, broad built with some muscle and a bit more fat than I'd like so it's not an awful look. It's just another thing I've actually had on my mind for the last 3 or 4 years worrying about people seeing how crap my hair looked (which is stupid because everyone sees your hair so much more than you do and from more angles and different lightings than you do yourself so it's much, much more obvious to them how baldy you are) that to not have to worry about it is a huge relief. And, as seems to happen with all my niggling problems, they are just silly in the end. I actually quite like the look, it's at least better than the thinning hair/ bald spot look for me - if you offered me to wake up with a full head of hair tomorrow I'd take it. Showed my friends last night and the remarks ranged from "you can pull it off surprisingly well" to "it's not great, but it's better than what it was" so I'll take that. Gotta work with what we got. Only downside - holy f**k my head has never felt this cold compared to the rest of me.

Issue #3 - I've been eating right and exercising since mid-December. Obviously, bit of a bumpy start due to Christmas and New Year but actually other than the hilarious amount of roast parsnips I consumed on Christmas day, I kept everything mostly quite moderated. Stuck with it for 5 weeks or so now and I'm down to the lightest I've been since I started tracking my weight properly on an app a few years ago. I'm saving money because I'm not buying ready meals and going to the chippy or getting pizza delivery. I make nice meals and then split them into 3 or 4 and have them over the next few days. I have 3 square meals. 7am, 1pm (+/- 90 mins), 8pm every day without fail so far. No snacking. I track everything I eat and drink. I finally stopped drinking so many sugary energy drinks. I'm eating at least 3 portions of veggies per day (I'm Glaswegian, gotta ease into these things). I get up early and walk 2.5 miles before getting ready for work each morning and if I miss it, I go out in the evening before I do anything like play the Xbox or watch some Netflix or the like. I found a yoga thing that is 10 or so minutes long and that's really helped me with some back pain I had since I've been doing that every morning pretty much as soon as I get up. I want to start running but I figured that I'd rather do this to get a bit lighter and a bit fitter and a bit more removed from the cigarette blackened lungs first as I could probably only run a couple of hundred meters before I'd be out of puff at this point. I lift some weights and do some home exercise (press ups, squats, dips etc) too. Weight is coming off quite easily (though I have a lot of fat so it's not that hard at this point). My brother mentioned I was looking like I'd lost weight, a few friends have said. I fit into a shirt I used to love wearing for the first time in a long time. A flight of stairs doesn't leave me quite so out of breath and starting to sweat. I don't hate the guy in the mirror quite as much.

Moreover, I sleep a lot better and just feel better. Not sure if it's the diet or the exercise but it's making life a loss less unbearable. Still got quite a long way to go. I'd like to drop another 2 stone/28lbs/12.5 kg before my birthday in June. That would put me just about at the upper end of "healthy" weight for my height.

Anyway, something feels different about me trying to change this time around. I've tried to quite smoking many times before. I've tried to lose weight before many times. This time feels different. Perhaps this will sound odd, but before I was thinking "I should do this" whereas now it's more a combination of "I cannot not do this"/"I hate my life right now and I need to change and these are my big issues". I never think I'll quit my attempts and I always have, but this time I really feel different about it. Maybe that's naive, but it's held for a month so far and since I'm starting to see results it's a bit easier to stay motivated.

So, I guess, for the first time in quite a long while I actually feel somewhat positive about my life. Things are at least trending in the right direction just now.

Well done on making some positive changes! Are you using the myfitnesspall app? That's what I used a couple of years ago. Counting the calories certainly makes you realise how bad some foods are.

Well done mac_d. It is not easy to quit smoking. Ever thought of viping? It's not for everyone I guess, but maybe a thought. Certainly less painful than a kick in the veggies...

As for exercise, cycling may be the thing for you. That's how I lost a lot of weight. Ok, I cycled from the UK to Ancona, but that's not the point! Since I did that trip I slimmed down, felt so much better, got noticed more, got my dream girl, moved in together and now getting married this year. Feeling good is the most important thing and a change in your body and mentality goes a long way. The fact that you are going out there trying different things is the biggest step, I'm glad for you. This is how you will find what you like. I got into a new sport the last couple of years and that has made a change for me as well. But I always got bored in the gym, it's a thing that I can't do alone. I always preferred team sports rather than being lonely in a gym. Each to their own I guess.

A rare, positive post from me. I've had a crappy couple of years. I'd call them hell but I do have enough perspective to know that things could have been a lot worse. 2016 and 2017 were mean and I had a lot of bad times (like within myself, no one died or significant tragedies, I'm not sick, I had food in my belly and a roof over my head so they could also have been much, much worse). 2018 already feels like a bit of a turning point. Making some changes. Partly motivated by how much I hate myself and the last 2 or 3 years, partly motivated by thinking that I'm 30 this summer and there is still time to sort everything out as long as I put the effort in but I need to start right now. It's never too late, they say. I was going to change up a bunch of things at New Year but decided not to put it off and started about the 18th of December instead.

mac_d wrote:

minchy wrote:

Trying to pull myself together and get over an awful year last year. I've stopped drinking the usual nightly amount I've been on most nights for the past few months and not touched a drop in 2 weeks now (fairly easy really) and now taking a leaf from mac_d's book I'm giving up the smokes too. Been almost a day now and although I wasn't that confident that I could even last a week, if I can get through the rest of my shift tonight I'm in with a shout of success.

Here's hoping I can make and feel fit enough to start back exercising soon instead of collapsing in a wheezing lump of sweaty fat after running up a flight of stairs!

And mac_d, how are you keeping with the non-smoking?

I pretty much do not smoke anymore. I think my basic fitness (bearing in mind I'm still fat) has improved. Biggest thing for me, was making sure to keep track of the money savings for the first while when cravings are still strong. I don't make much money, so that was a big deal for me. And the price of cigarettes keeps skyrocketing. When I was 16 (2004 or so) it was under £6 for 20 Marlboro Lights. I was behind someone buying fags the other day and I'm sure they paid over £9. In an average month after I pay my bills, get my food and put a little money into my rainy day/big trip fund, I have about £200 of money that is actually mine to have fun with. Smoking is too expensive for me now.

So that all fell by the wayside. That was 2015! That was a couple of days before my oral examination for my PhD and the stress made me want to smoke. And I didn't stop again. I switched from proper filtered cigarettes to rollies as they are much better value imo. Been puffing away at them. My clothes always stink of fags. My flat is small so even with the window open when I smoke it reeks (and the cold winter meant I was always cold from having the window open every 90 mins or so). The cost was bad and, you know, the whole cancer thing is a worry. So I stopped cold turkey in mid-December. See, normally I'd think I'd want to quit but I'd finish the pack. Then I'd buy another pack because it'd seem better to quit starting overnight rather than quite after an evening ciggie. Didn't do that this time. Put all my tobacco, all my papers, all my filters and all my lighters in a tupperware and gave them to my mate who smokes still telling him he could have them or I was binning them at his. Then I asked my best mates to do me a favour. If they see me smoke, or if I admit to smoking or they think I smell like I have been smoking, they get a free shot at my nuts. Fairly sure I'd have stuck with it this time, but that's some solid motivation. So I'm a month+ off cigarettes. I still reeeeeeeeeally want a fag whenever I think about them, but starting to get to an out of sight, out of mind place rather than craving them all day. Hopefully I'm not an idiot and I stick with it this time.

Issue #2 I've tried to fix - This might sound weird as balding men tend to fall into two groups: those who accept it and don't worry about it and those who it's a surprisingly big deal for. I was the latter group. I never got why some men worried about it so much until it happened to me. But, I finally buzzed all my (remaining) hair the other night.

I had long hair from when I was 16 until 26. Like, half way down my back, a glorious thick mane. I cut it a few years ago as it was long overdue. When I did cut it, I got the unfortunate surprise that my hair had massively thinned out and I had a bald spot that was covered by my hair always being tied back. So I had a bad comb over for quite a while (and yes, I really thought I was fooling people and now realise that no, I really was not). I cut my hair to a #6 last year and it was pretty bad looking. It's still thick on the back and sides but the top is really sparse. I did this #6 cut again on Sunday and looked in the mirror and thought "F*ck it" and buzzed down to a #1. Essentially bald now.

I very much regret.... not doing this a few years ago. I'm quite a big guy, 6 foot 3, broad built with some muscle and a bit more fat than I'd like so it's not an awful look. It's just another thing I've actually had on my mind for the last 3 or 4 years worrying about people seeing how crap my hair looked (which is stupid because everyone sees your hair so much more than you do and from more angles and different lightings than you do yourself so it's much, much more obvious to them how baldy you are) that to not have to worry about it is a huge relief. And, as seems to happen with all my niggling problems, they are just silly in the end. I actually quite like the look, it's at least better than the thinning hair/ bald spot look for me - if you offered me to wake up with a full head of hair tomorrow I'd take it. Showed my friends last night and the remarks ranged from "you can pull it off surprisingly well" to "it's not great, but it's better than what it was" so I'll take that. Gotta work with what we got. Only downside - holy f**k my head has never felt this cold compared to the rest of me.

Issue #3 - I've been eating right and exercising since mid-December. Obviously, bit of a bumpy start due to Christmas and New Year but actually other than the hilarious amount of roast parsnips I consumed on Christmas day, I kept everything mostly quite moderated. Stuck with it for 5 weeks or so now and I'm down to the lightest I've been since I started tracking my weight properly on an app a few years ago. I'm saving money because I'm not buying ready meals and going to the chippy or getting pizza delivery. I make nice meals and then split them into 3 or 4 and have them over the next few days. I have 3 square meals. 7am, 1pm (+/- 90 mins), 8pm every day without fail so far. No snacking. I track everything I eat and drink. I finally stopped drinking so many sugary energy drinks. I'm eating at least 3 portions of veggies per day (I'm Glaswegian, gotta ease into these things). I get up early and walk 2.5 miles before getting ready for work each morning and if I miss it, I go out in the evening before I do anything like play the Xbox or watch some Netflix or the like. I found a yoga thing that is 10 or so minutes long and that's really helped me with some back pain I had since I've been doing that every morning pretty much as soon as I get up. I want to start running but I figured that I'd rather do this to get a bit lighter and a bit fitter and a bit more removed from the cigarette blackened lungs first as I could probably only run a couple of hundred meters before I'd be out of puff at this point. I lift some weights and do some home exercise (press ups, squats, dips etc) too. Weight is coming off quite easily (though I have a lot of fat so it's not that hard at this point). My brother mentioned I was looking like I'd lost weight, a few friends have said. I fit into a shirt I used to love wearing for the first time in a long time. A flight of stairs doesn't leave me quite so out of breath and starting to sweat. I don't hate the guy in the mirror quite as much.

Moreover, I sleep a lot better and just feel better. Not sure if it's the diet or the exercise but it's making life a loss less unbearable. Still got quite a long way to go. I'd like to drop another 2 stone/28lbs/12.5 kg before my birthday in June. That would put me just about at the upper end of "healthy" weight for my height.

Anyway, something feels different about me trying to change this time around. I've tried to quite smoking many times before. I've tried to lose weight before many times. This time feels different. Perhaps this will sound odd, but before I was thinking "I should do this" whereas now it's more a combination of "I cannot not do this"/"I hate my life right now and I need to change and these are my big issues". I never think I'll quit my attempts and I always have, but this time I really feel different about it. Maybe that's naive, but it's held for a month so far and since I'm starting to see results it's a bit easier to stay motivated.

So, I guess, for the first time in quite a long while I actually feel somewhat positive about my life. Things are at least trending in the right direction just now.