Golf is flog spelled backwards

Gary Lamberg

Saturday

Apr 28, 2012 at 12:01 AMApr 28, 2012 at 1:59 PM

The whack of tee shots can once again be heard at Cheboygan Country Club and on other area courses. Sometimes that distinctive sound is followed by a string of expletives that cannot be printed in a family newspaper.

The whack of tee shots can once again be heard at Cheboygan Country Club and on other area courses. Sometimes that distinctive sound is followed by a string of expletives that cannot be printed in a family newspaper.
Golf — the sport for life. Golfers claim that one of the beauties of their obsession is that the game can be played throughout life. Others use that phrase like the sport is a life sentence.
My first experience with golf came from using some old, wooden-shafted clubs of my grandfathers — at least I got to use the ones he hadn’t wrapped around a tree. Gramp wasn’t known for his patience for golf or young boys underfoot.
“Here kid, take these clubs and this bag of plastic golf balls and go knock yourself out.” For weeks, I swung at those tiny practice balls until once in a while one sailed to the back of the yard. Stubborn kid.
That’s how my grandfather had two long-term impacts on my life. First, he introduced me to one of the most frustrating pastimes on the planet. Second, using his left handed clubs set me up to play with a built-in handicap.
Golfers benefit from instruction, but every time I asked for help, potential teachers would say something like “Don’t ask me what you’re doing wrong. You’re standing on the wrong side of the ball.” Few play left-handed, so southpaws are usually on their own.
My dad took me out on the course for the first time at about age 12 — just the two of us. That first round was played at Mullett Lake Country Club. I can’t remember much about that first game, other than dad being patient while waiting for me to find lost balls. I do remember feeling pretty cool about having a Coke with him after what must have been one of the longest 9-hole rounds he ever played.
Part of my job at newspapers has been playing at various golf scramble fund-raisers. It’s not pretty, but the embarrassment is usually for a good cause.
I’ll never be much of a golfer, but I certainly enjoy where the sport is played. What’s not to like about spending time outdoors on a beautiful expanse of landscaped fairways and greens?
The game of golf probably has more jokes and one-liners written about it than any other sport. Here are a few lifted from various sources:
- The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing. N Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
- Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
- Golf is flog backwards. And golfing is just one drawn-out self-flogging which costs you money.

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