BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 09/04/13 "Keep Quiet"

by BJ Shea,posted Sep 4 2013 8:23AM

There are many ways Rock-A-Holics can get a hold of us for some Group Therapy advice and one is by texting 77999 which is what Jack did.

Last week, he explained his best friend is going to propose to his girlfriend but the problem is that Jack had slept with her before his friend and her got together. He was wondering if he should tell him or stay quiet.

In this world of sensitive new age guys, it seems like most men don’t know how to handle being in a difficult position.

This is a very delicate situation because he does run the risk that in a heated argument, the fiancé might let it slip but let’s be honest, who really wants to hear this information?

My advice is to keep this secret to yourself and if it ever comes up and he finds out, simply say that you valued him as a true friend and didn’t want to be disrespectful or inappropriate by telling him. Even if he gets upset, at least he will know his best interest was on your mind.

What is it with people who make a decision but then can't handle the guilt, so to make THEMSELVES feel better, they have to make someone else feel worse by coming out about a secret. Just like guys who tell their wives 10 years later that they had an affair. Life was going fine for her leading up to that, sack up and eat the guilt you caused yourself.
Same thing here. He needs to just eat it and move on. If it comes up, just tell him you didn't think it mattered as it was before they were together and shouldn't matter. If he feels guilty enough to come clean to his friend, thus possibly causing them all kinds of issues so he can feel better, he's just selfish.

09/04/2013 3:30PM

Pew Pew

Somethings are best kept in the past. Hope you don't have underlying feelings about her or your gonna shoot yourself in the foot in the future.

09/04/2013 5:17PM

Same situation for me...

I had this situation come up a year ago. I chose to keep my mouth shut. They are married now and part of me still feels guilty. The main point of guilt, was that my guy friend is very religious and is against having sex before marriage. I figured though,it's not my place to disrupt their relationship. If she wants to bring that news to the relationship then that's her choice, not mine. . The secret lives on! :)