As I was working on a project Friday morning, I had access to a TV that happened to be tuned into Fox News, when the graphic flashed across the screen, “Fox News Confirms McCain Has Selected Sarah Palin As His Running Mate”.

I turned to the guy next to me and said, “That. Pick. Took. Balls.”

Consider. McZhamnesty had his comfort-zone options: He could have picked the candidate who ran second to him in the primaries – Romney – but, as I’ve already stated – he stood to lose the evangelicals in the base. A base he absolutely could not afford to fracture at this point.

He could have picked Lieberman, whom potheaded fuckwit extraordinaire DJ Allyn claims was McCain’s first choice, citing the NY Slimes – but then he would have completely lost the conservative base, and the election along with it. Picking former Pennsylvania governor Tom Ridge, which whom he’s pretty much compatible idelogically, wouldn’t have been much better; the base would still have been left grumbling.

Picking Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty would have put some conservative street cred on the ticket, but there’s no “wow factor” with Pawlenty. Not to mention it’s not going to help McCain take Minnesota, anyway.

But out there just beyond the fringe of the national spotlight happened to be the governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. She had made headlines recently by suing the United States government (specifically the Department of the Interior) over the listing of polar bears as an endangered species, citing its potential devastating effects on the oil & gas development industry. According to Wiki, which is where I’m getting most of this – risky, yeah, I know – Palin

…had been under consideration since a private meeting with McCain in a February National Governors Association meeting. As the vetting rounds narrowed the candidate list down Palin was always one of the potential candidates.

McCain pulled the trigger on the selection on Thursday.

This is a brilliant selection. In choosing Palin, McCain has managed to do three things:

1) reach out towards the PUMAs (Democrat women who have adopted the slogan “Party Unity, My Ass”) and bring them into camp – which appears to be having a slight effect:

Wow, Thanks so much to this Sarah Palin who never forgot us. She is a fighter. She paid her respects to our Hillary and Geraldine . They now no more think women in this country are 2nd class. You go girl and thank you for a refreshing pick Sen. McCain.

2) He’s brought the conservative base back to the fold with (again, according to Wiki, which is risky) $7 million in contributions hitting the McCain coffers the day of the announcement.

For my part, Denizens, I was leaning towards holding my nose and voting for McCain – yes, despite all the criticism I’ve dumped on his RINO ass – as long as he didn’t pick Romney. You see, I consider myself an evangelical, and I support the Bill Keller view that “a vote for Romney is a vote for Satan” because of the Mormon issue, and I do not want a cultist in such a high position of government. Besides, there are about three people over at the Rott whom I would’ve taken a perverse pleasure in pissing off with that vote (no, Misha’s not one of them).

Now, however, things have changed. I will, with great delight, vote for the ticket containing the conservative – Palin. And I think that more people are with me than will vote for the Obamessiah and Senator Hair-Butt-Plug (thanks, Azygos).

In short, guys, I think that – all things being equal and the McCain/Palin ticket doesn’t make any critical missteps the next couple of months – the Republicans will keep the White House in November.

If you go down the sidebar a bit, just before you get to the StatCounter, you’ll see this:

That comes from a little something over which the pussified Republicans in Snohomish County, WA, got their panties in a slight bunch.

A controversial three dollar bill may have brought Republicans and Democrats together to agree on something.

The bill, which was sold at the Evergreen State Fair’s Republican Party booth in Snohomis County, Washingotn, features Democratic presidential nominee Sen. Barack Obama wearing a headdress, propelling a widespread myth that he is Muslim.

Which just goes to show you how linguini-spined the Republican party has become in Washington State. But then, that’s what happens when the only “principle” for which one stands there is “Ooooooh, pwease wike me – pweeeeeze???”

Obama is, in fact, a Christian.

Yeah, well, that’s eminently open for debate.

Carol Ronken snapped a picture of the bill, and then called the local newspaper. “It’s racist. It’s disgusting,” said Ronken.

Carol, honeybunch, you’re full of shit, bitchy and repulsive. So how’s it feel having invective tossed back at you like that, hm?

Republican county chair Geri Modrell said she never approved the bill, but insisted the bills were nothing more than a very bad joke. She has asked volunteers to put them away.

And had I been a volunteer, I’d have told her to go pound sand. It’s a damn funny novelty item, and it’s sure to piss off Demoscum.

Which, of course, is why it’s now on my sidebar.

Cheri DeShaw, whose booth sat right across from the Republican Party’s at the fair, said she has heard an earful from visitors.

Oh, I’m sure she has. And I’m equally sure that she’s faced them with puppy-dog eyes, begging for forgiveness for something she didn’t even do. And then the Washington State GOP wonders why few like them.

To them, I say this: Lookie here, chumps. The Constitution guarantees us freedom of speech – even speech that happens to offend folks from time to time. No one has a right to never be offended, and the quicker you jackasses up there learn that, the better. Besides, if you whine and whimper apologies to every buttmunch who ever gets “offended” about something, that’s all you’ll ever spend your time doing.

Not terribly productive, if you ask me.

Modrell said she is working to track down the person responsible, but does not plan to conduct an intensive investigation. She said it is tough enough to recruit volunteers and does not want to alienate another.

“It’s not the policy of this party to use that low level sense of humor,” Modrell said.

Yeah, well, Geri, maybe it should be. And maybe you should re-evaluate your definition of “low level sense of humor”.

Continuing the Demoscummic National Circle-Jerk Party Extravaganza Extraordinaire theme of Donktard Presidential Candidates Who Think They’re Way More Talented Than They Really Are, we have here failed 1988 campaign laughingstock Michael “The Loser” Dukakis wailing & gnashing his teeth over his landslide defeat at the hands of Bush 41:

“If I had beaten the old man you’d of never heard of the kid and you wouldn’t be in this mess,” 1988 Democratic presidential nominee Michael Dukakis told CBS News’ Katie Couric today.

This is from the failed presidential-campaign bit who was soundly defeated got his ass handed to him by close to eight percentage points, over seven million popular votes, a 4:1 state margin and 315 electoral votes, and the guy thinks he actually had a chance against Bush the Elder. After the tank incident and those metrosexual, half-assed comments about Kitty and any potential rapist thereof – he thought he actually had a chance.

As we launch the first official week of the Perfect Football Weekend, we find that things are running a little tensely in Huskerland.

Nebraska coach Bo Pelini acknowledges that he’s feeling some anxiety as the Cornhuskers’ opener against Western Michigan approaches.

Pelini said you don’t know what kind of team you have until you see it play against an opponent. He says he thinks he knows the character of his players, but he won’t know for sure until Saturday.

Pelini’s emotions spilled out Monday after the Huskers turned in a particularly dreadful practice performance. He snapped at reporters, tersely answering 15 questions in two minutes.

Patience, Coach. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your Cornhuskers be thus.

Let’s get to the PFW. It’s Week Zero in Texas “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) football, and that means my (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will start this year pretty much the same way they started last year – by getting their asses handed to them by the Birdville Buffaloes.

I was wrong earlier about one thing – Duke Christian is no longer the Heights coach. The new scapegoat head coach is a guy by the name of Steve Pate. Have no idea how he’ll do. Maybe I should make a perpetual points rule for Heights, such as I do for UBuffalo.

Speaking of which, their first game is tonight, as well, as the University of Texas-El Paso pays the Bulls a visit. Turner Gill’s troops, surprisingly, are a 3-point favorite, so as long as they don’t lose by more than a touchdown, we’ll count it.

Saturday, the aforementioned Nebraska Cornhuskers, under the guidance of the aforementioned Bo Pelini, make their triumphant return to the PFW by hosting (and, presumably, decimating) Western Michigan. They’d better win – else, the faithful will be screaming for Bill Callahan. Ew.

Also Saturday, Texas Christian University’s Horned Frogs, in the eighth year of Coach Gary Patterson’s reign, travel to Albuquerque to take on the New Mexico Lobos. TCU’s won their last five season openers, as this blurb from the game guide tells us:

The Frogs have won their last five season openers. It’s the first time since 1970-74 that TCU has had a five-game winning streak in season debuts.

Yeah, well it helps when all your season openers are against the University of Texas-Arlington, which doesn’t even have a football program anymore.

In pro action, tonight is the C’boys last preseason game, at home vs the Minne-haha ViQueens. ViQueens head coach Brad Childress has already said his starters aren’t going to play at all, and we’re probably not going to see many of the Cowboys’ starters, either.

Gimme Dallas and 10.

We’re back Sunday or Monday for the recap. In the meantime, for your viewing pleasure, HDD will now extol the virtues of Bucky, now that the games count.

Since all of us are aware of whom Spats favors when it comes to the NFL Texas Fooo-ball teams, and that by now hopefully ya’ll have been able to surmise that I and the rest of the folks in these here neck of the woods around the Southern Command HQ would probably be ones to prefer the other Texas team, I would request that you wander over here for a quick laugh at the expense of Spat’s Cowgurls.

NOW, I do have to admit that growing up (even when I was a “displaced Texan” living in Illinois) the Cowboys were always my team. But back then, the men that compromised “America’s team” certainly made us proud to be their fans. (Spats, I KNOW you’ll agree with me on that observation)

Not like the more recent years where the team made more news OFF the field than on. In the years since the departure of Landry, Aikman, Johnson, and Smith…it seems that the team has a better arrest record than season record. Yes, Wade Phillips and Jason Garrett have gotten things turned around and some of the old “good” habits are starting to make an appearance again.

But I also happen to have gained an appreciation over the years for the underdog. Ever since Houston got a football team back (and even more so since moving to the local vicinity) and primarily since Gary Kubiak took over the head coaching job, I’ve seen the sort of dedication and desire that was inherent in the teams that Tom Landry coached.

So here’s to the in-state rivalry called the “Governor’s Cup”. Bring it on!

Given that the Demoscum, for all their supposed UNITY!!!!!1!!ONE!!!1, seem to be imploding like a black star, you’d think that all McZhamnesty need do now is run a strong-yet-typical GOP campaign, and the White House would be his, right?

If he picks Pawlenty, he receives virtually nothing in the way of bounce – and if you think Pawlenty’s gonna deliver Minnehaha for Old John, you got another think coming.

If he picks Lieberman, he loses his conservative base. And no less a person than Lieberman himself has told McCain this.

And if he picks Romney – sorry to tell you this, conservatives, but McDoofus loses the election, guaranteed.

“But why, Spats?”, I hear you ask.

Simple. And I’ll say it, even if no one else will: Romney’s a Mormon.

We evangelicals take our faith seriously. And Scripture advises us that Mormonism, while noble & honorable in its regard for the family, is still – by definition – a cult.

The evangelical wing of the party will not support a Mormon in such a high position of power. And mark my words – without us, the GOP will not win. On that, you can safely bank.

And you can take the accusations of religious bigotry and narrow-mindedness and shove ‘em back up your piehole. We’re adamant about this, and name-calling will make us even more stubborn. We’re funny that way.

McCain’s best bet, if you ask us (or even if you didn’t) is someone like Fred Thompson or even Rob Portman of Ohio, or perhaps Newt Gingrich (although I have to wonder just how willing he’d be to cave in to Demoscum at the drop of a hat).

But if he picks Romney, he’s done. Trust me on this.

UPDATE: And not necessarily hedging my bet here, but all of the above about Romney is predicated on the evangelical wing of which I spoke actually doing what I expect them to do. I could be wrong, and they could support McCain even if he does pick Mitt.

If that happens, I’ll be sorely disappointed in the evangelicals. (Then again, the SBC hopped in bed with the environmentals this year, so maybe I shouldn’t be too terribly surprised if it happens.)

Shitcago-style socialist politics have sunk their poisounous talons deep inside the Demoscummic party, as the presidential nomination is handed to the Manchurian Muslim, completing the disenfranchisement of millions of voters:

Barack Obama, claiming a prize never held by a black American,

Uh, “half-black”, if you really wanna get technical about it.

And thank you, but we already knew what color he was, not that it mattered. But you’re going to drive it into our heads just like you did that John-boy F’n Qetchup-ass spent a cup of coffee in Vietnam, aren’t you?

swept to the Democratic presidential nomination on Wednesday as thousands of national convention delegates stood and cheered his improbable triumph.

Former rival Hillary Rodham Clinton asked the convention delegates to make it unanimous “in the spirit of unity, with the goal of victory.” And they did, with a roar.

IOW, Denizens, when push really came to shove, the Duchess Hilarious folded like the cheap-assed pantsuit she wore to bleat out her speech Tuesday night.

And lookie here, Asphyxiated Piss – you can dispense with the fucking BS about “improbable triumph”. Ever since the Demoscum decided it’d rather piss off the women than the blacks, we’ve known this was gonna happen. Ever since you bastard lapdogs glossed over the Rev’r’nnnnnnd Jackass-i-miah, the Pfelching Pfuckhead Pfather Pfleger, the why-isn’t-he-in-prison terrorist Billy-Bob Ayers, et. al, we’ve known this was a fait accompli.

And in choosing to make a candidate’s color your primary criterion for the post, you’ve once again nominated an embarrassingly empty suit – one, I might hasten to add, who has spent less than 200 total days doing the job he was sent to Washington to effin’ do!!!

And when the country wakes up and hands him his electoral ass in November, you won’t have to look very far as to why. Which is fortunate for you Donktards, because your political vision can only be described as acute myopia, at best.

Clinton’s call for Obama to be approved by acclamation – midway through the traditional roll call of the states – was the culmination of a painstaking agreement worked out between the two camps to present a unified front.

And Duchess, I’m not sure whether to laugh at you, feel sorry for you or majorly disappointed. Given that you had most Demoscum’s (and a few spineless Republicans’) balls in a testicle lockbox during the eight years of Das Klintonreich, I expected you to put up a helluva lot more of a fight than to just let him slap you down like a pimp does his ho’. Definitely not your best performance.

Obama’s nomination sealed a political ascent as astonishing as any other in recent memory – made all the more so by his race, in a nation founded by slave owners.

And continuing to be populated by slave owners, if one is to buy the Asphyxiated Piss’ exceedingly-thinly-veiled insinuation.

In the first place, Piss-heads, while many of the Founding Fathers did own slaves, you’ll be heartbroken to know that many did not.

And not to belabor the point, but no one with so much as an ounce of intellectual integrity ever credits the leftards with ending slavery, mkay? (We will, for the time being, forget that Lincoln did by employing a time-honored Demoscum tactic – denying the individual states their sovereignty.)

And not to put too fine a point on it, it wasn’t the Republicans who tried to stop the Civil Rights Bill of 1964, either:

The bill came before the full Senate for debate on March 30, 1964 and the “Southern Bloc” of southern Senators led by Richard Russell (D-GA) launched a filibuster to prevent its passage. Said Russell “We will resist to the bitter end any measure or any movement which would have a tendency to bring about social equality and intermingling and amalgamation of the races in our (Southern) states.” (emphasis mine)

So spare us this “America is a mean, nasty, racist country” bullshit, mkay?

Now. If you Jackasses really want B. HUSSEIN!!! Obambi as your candidate, so be it. Just keep in mind that, as more and more people have started paying attention, your candidate’s poll numbers have been steadily declining. There hasn’t been a convention bounce so far – in fact, just as Kerry’s did in ’04, Obumbler’s numbers have also gone down. And this Greek-style, Caesar-like coronation theme for his acceptance speech tomorrow night isn’t going to help perceptions any.

I predict history will show that you leftist dipshits should’ve listened to me Sunday night when I suggested that you ignore the Obamessiah Express and nominate Hillary. But that would have taken, you know, brains – and we all know how short your supply is of those.

So when you get your asses handed you in November…don’t say you weren’t warned.

Showing the world her ugly ass how The Most Ethical Congress EVAH is a bastion of servitude to the American electorate, San Fran Nan Piglousy, the Shrieker of the House, demonstrated her contempt for We The People:

House Democratic leaders and protesters waving McCain signs had a war of words Tuesday at a press event outside an old train station. The demonstrators interrupted House Speaker Nancy Pelosi with chants of “Drill here! Drill now!”

Pelosi paused and asked the group, “Right here?”

Seeming to enjoy the back and forth, she followed with another question: “Can we drill your brains?”

You probably should, Madame Shrieker. It’s fairly obvious to all that you’re clearly lacking in that regard.

She went on to refer to the protesters, who continued to chant sporadically, as “handmaidens of Big Oil.”

And what if we are, bitch? Unlike you, skank, we see the reality that the world’s economy is fueled by oil. Then again, right-thinkers such as us aren’t fucking tree-hugging Gaia-worshippers like you and the rest of the environ-mental cases.

Arguing that increased offshore drilling would reduce gas prices by only a couple of pennies a decade from now, she referred to the demonstrators as the “2-cents-in-10-years-crowd.”

So lemme get this straight, you Cupid Stunt: Simply talking about drilling drops the price of a barrel of oil $30 (with a resulting forty-to-fifty-cent drop in the price of gas), but actually drilling for our own oil…

…you know, such as countries like Venezuela do – countries, I might add that pay, what, 12 cents for a gallon of gasoline?

…is only gonna drop the price two cents?

And you’re the best San Transexual could send to Washington, you fucking retard-ette?

Majority Leader Steny H. Hoyer swiped at the demonstrators, too, saying that “sophomoric chanting” won’t solve the energy crisis and that “all thinking Americans know” — stressing the word “thinking” and looking at the crowd — that America doesn’t have a quarter of the word’s fossil fuels yet uses a quarter of the world’s energy.

Would that be “sophomoric chanting” like YES WE CAN, YES WE CAN!!!!!!1!!ONE!!???

And then you assclowns wonder why Congress has an approval rating in the single digits?

Before we begin the recap, the PFW will take a moment to remember former Cowboy offensive lineman Frank Cornish, who died over the weekend at age 40. Cornish played on two of the Cowboys’ 3 Super Bowl champions during the ’90s.

…

Last year, Miami’s Ted Ginn Jr. didn’t do a helluva lot. On a KC punt in the 2nd quarter, he used his speed to beat a punt-coverage wall around the left side and raced 59 yards for a touchdown. Could he perhaps be this year’s poor man’s Devin Hester?

Romeo Crennel hired Chan Gailey to be his new offensive coordinator this year. If Gailey’s new offense doesn’t take hold pretty soon, both he and Edwards will be looking for new jobs before season’s end.

…

Preseason game number three is generally treated by teams as a “dress rehearsal”.

Having said that – Hey, Jim Zorn! Not as easy when the other team gameplans for you, is it?

Jason Taylor sprained his knee on a running play during the game. He’ll miss a couple weeks, which means he may not be at full strength for the Dallas game.

Best team in the NFL? Hell – right now, they’re not even the best team in Noo Yawk!!! (guffaw)

And things just got worse for them: Osi Piss ‘n Urine blew his knee on a pass rush; surgery was yesterday, gone for the year. Moreover, an emergency call to widdle Mikey “Gap Tooth” Strahan is going to go unanswered, as he’s decided to stay retired.

Say g’night, Douchebags.

Memo to Panther coach John Fox: Carolina’s second- and third-stringers need to figure out how to tackle. On one Washington drive, I saw no fewer than seven missed tackles. Ugh.

…

Cowboy butterfingers damned near cost them this game.

Case in point: C’boys about to go up 17-3, Romo throws a pick in the end zone, Tex-annes drive 80 yards to tie. C’boys dominating up to that point, and that pick allowed Houston to get back in the game.

Receiver & return specialist Isaiah Stanback might have played himself out of that return job – a fumble at the Dallas 25 on the 2nd half opening kickoff cost Dallas a field goal. On the other hand, it might’ve been because he got hurt on the play (shoulder). Uh, oh.

Even 1st-round draft choice Felix Jones cost the Cowboys three points with a fumble of his own. Both his and Romo’s turnovers were near the endzone, so we’re talking about a 24-point swing. Not good if you’re Wade Phillips.

The special teams had another relapse of crappy play. On the opening kickoff, Houston ran the ball back 69 yards. Why is Bruce Read still here?

One other thing: Who’s reading me at Valley Ranch? 2-minute drill, first & 10 at their 25, under a minute left, Romo runs 10 for a first down. The C’boys would get a FG on that drive. Someone’s reading me over there, I swear it. (grin)

Oh, and Jacques “Toast” Reeves did get picked on in suffiecient quantities so that this counts as a Perfect Football Weekend (1). W00t!!!

The PFW returns Thursday, when some of the games start to count. Anyone wanna donate to send me to New Mexico?

Even though Misha – well, Brendan, but Misha chimed in later – already covered this, I would be remiss in not recognizing that the SpatulaGoddess Emeritus has just acquired the rank of 2nd Lt. in the United States Army.

Congratulations and Godspeed, N@! Love ya bunches…Sir!

UPDATE: Just to clear up any confustations (grin), the SpatulaGoddess Emeritus is not the same incredibly beautiful, hawtness-exuding major-domo babe as she who currently holds down the title, although the Emeritus is breathtakingly, exceedingly hawt, without question.

The current SG is Beth, the Rottweiler’s Imperial Serving Wench. Princess Natasha is the second lieutenant & SG Emeritus.

Glad we could clear that up.

UPDATE the 2nd: And now added to the blogroll – how the Hell did I miss that? Damn senility…

[Scene: the bridge of Pegasus. Communications officer T-Bone McManx has just handed Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant a communiqué from Realm Command, and is scurrying out of the way as fast as his legs will carry him – he knows what’s coming.

Our Hero, still wearing the hood of his cloak, takes the communiqué and studies it intently for about 15 seconds. The eyes begin to glow purple again.]

LSIK&T: Captain.

[Captain Korrioth, who has been attempting to locate the Shelliak shipyard HQ, jumps slightly.]

KORRIOTH: M’lord?

[His Rudeness gestures. Korrioth goes flying across the bridge and crashes hard into the bulkhead.]

This horrifying five-foot weapon has been recovered by police during a knife amnesty.

The three-handled sword with a blade at either end, designed to be swung like a paddle, shocked officers who took custody of it.

KORRIOTH (shaking away the cobwebs): It is not a “paddle”! What, do those p’tahkmey think you can play ping-pong with it?

LSIK&T: Oh, it gets better, Captain.

A spokesman for police in Gloucester, where it was surrendered, said: “It is a particularly nasty weapon that can, literally, take someone’s head off. We are very glad it is off the streets and we want more weapons handed in.”

KORRIOTH: I will be pleased to give them my mek’leth in exchange – point first.

And no sooner did the Demoscum graciously decide to make Michigan & Florida each more than three-fifths of a state (how dare those li’l darkies exercise their own sovereignty as a state of the union by holding their primaries when they wanted, after all), than did the Lord B. HUSSEIN!!! Obambi, the Almighty Messiah Of The Donktards, move to once again make their votes totally fucking worthless.

Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama are working on a deal to give her some votes in the roll call for the Democratic presidential nomination, but quickly end the divided balloting in unanimous consent for Obama.

Basically, Denizens, what the Obumbler has done is grab Hillary by the hair, drag her into a back room, throw her into a corner, and say, “Lookee here, bee-yotch – you get those peasants of yours in line or I ain’t a-gonna pay off your campaign debts! And I may not pay ‘em anyway, how you like that, you nappy-headed ho’?”

Democratic officials involved in the negotiations said Monday the idea is that at the start of the state-by-state vote for the presidential nomination Wednesday night, delegates would cast their votes for Clinton or Obama.

But the voting would be cut off after a couple of states, the officials said, perhaps ending with New York, when Clinton herself would call for unanimous backing for Obama from the convention floor. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity while the deal was being finalized.

Oh, really now? Gee, whatever happened to “Let Every Vote Count″????? Whatever happened to “Count All The Votes!!!″????? Whatever happened to all those accusations of stealing the election? For that matter, whatever the Hell happened to “Selected Not Elected″?????

(crickets)

Yeah, I thought so…

“There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that this is Barack Obama’s convention,” she said, adding that it is only natural for there to be some lingering issues to resolve after a tough primary.

“It would have been the same way if I had won and Barack was here supporting the unity of the party,” she said. “This was a hard-fought campaign and there was a lot of intensity and passion associated with it, in part because of the historic nature of our two candidacies.”

Actually, Duchess, you should probably hang onto those delegates. You still have a greater-than-zero chance of winning – especially if the superdelegates wake up and read the polls. That five-to-six-point lead Gallup showed Obambi with over McCain? It’s gone.

Hillary, you still have a chance to make history here. You can complete an unbelievable comeback and snatch grab this thing right from under Obambi’s nose, if only you take the initiative.

It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated. (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)