Oh, yes. He's a real beast! It's a wonder you're still alive.

So, I found the most adorably stupid Daily Mail article today - yes, I know, that's a tautology, but bear with me.

The article, you see, was about the Greenland Shark, a large, cold-water shark most closely related to dogfish, that looks like this;

Now, most of what the article said in describing this "fearsome creature" isn't factually incorrect - they have indeed been found with the remains of polar bears, reindeer, and seals in their stomachs.

The article just failed to mention one thing - the top speed of the Greenland shark is about 1.6 miles per hour - somewhat slower than a live polar bear, but considerably faster than a dead one. In keeping with the tendency for these sharks to be mostly or completely blind (due to a parasitic copepod that feeds on their corneal fluid), and their goofy, mostly-harmless appearance, the Greenland shark is believed to primarily be a scavenger.

As the delightful Wikipedia article on this shark put it;

Additionally, the shark's slow speed (max speed of 1.6 mph) limits its potential predation of seals to those that are asleep.

Exactly. And the Daily Mail was making out like this thing is the most metal shark to ever swim the ocean, pulling a Jaws on polar bears on all that, when really it just gets sled dogs drunk when they eat it.