Musings and stories from a 40-something year old slut newbie

Sex risks

Last night I had to make the very difficult decision to euthanize a pet (lest anyone worry that I euthanize animals for non-legitimate reasons, he was very very old). Even though I had been preparing myself for years that this date would eventually come, it’s no less sad when it does…

So tonight I decided to just get out of my own head for a bit. I’d been messaging this guy who seemed completely on the same page as me about sex over the weekend. Normally I meet guys out for a drink or two and then make a decision. Tonight I just invited him over. Pretty much within 3-4 minutes, we were both naked.

The sex was good. My bed is soaked (again). Was it the best sex I’ve ever had? No. And there probably is potential there for some really good sex. Certainly the fact we barely spoke before having sex (well, barely spoke in person) was less hot to me than some anticipation building. But I just really wanted that distraction and release. And he was good enough that I got it, despite the kind of weird feeling of “have we said more than a sentence to each other?” as we’re both getting off.

Sometimes sex is just a release. And that’s all it is.

And despite popular culture references to the contrary, I maintain that it is much healthier than half a bottle of wine.

Will I see this guy again? He asked if I’d like to see him again before he left. And I said yes. And meant it. And he seemed to be asking a genuine question. So I’d say there is a good chance I’ll see him.

I recognize I am super lucky to be able to afford to pay for STD/I testing and that I can use HSA account dollars to pay for testing (and that I don’t have to wait in line at a free clinic). But it’s still a pain in the butt to get over to a lab for testing. So, based on the googles, I found PrivateIDNA.com as an at-home testing option. It’s pretty easy, really. You order the kit (male or female). The female kit comes with a vaginal swab and lancets for blood draw. Basically, you swab your vagina (the instructions on that are probably not the best, but it’s also not that complicated), put it in the container marked for that. And you use the lancet to put blood drops on a special paper in a special spot and then you seal it all up, according to instructions, and mail it back.

So, the pros – you do it on your own time, in your own home, no waiting in line, and when the results are ready, you just check online for the results. Super simple.

The only con was that it takes awhile. You have to wait for the test kit to arrive (a few days) and it did take probably over a week to get the results back…and I never saw the email letting me know that results were back, I just found them by logging into the website and checking. So, I don’t know if the email went to spam or what…But waiting a week (even when you aren’t worried) still create anxiety.

Overall, though, I’d use this method again. Especially since I have bad veins for blood draws.

Oh, and all was clear 🙂

(PS: No one asked me to post this review and I bought the kit myself. I just figured that it might be of interest to others)

How many times have I heard this from people who hear that I’m totally open to casual sex. It’s well-meaning and appreciated…but how often do they say the same thing to someone taking a road trip? (In fairness, some of them might).

No doubt, there are risks with non-monogamous sex. That’s why I get tested and am overall good about condoms (but I won’t pretend I’m 100% perfect if I’ve had a conversation with someone about testing and I’ve been recently tested. I have an IUD, so I’m not worried about pregnancy). I take that risk. I test for it. But I feel like even saying that receives lots of judgment. But… we wouldn’t judge someone for taking an unnecessary road trip where they expect to get laid…we’d only judge them for the sex without a condom. Even though the road trip is more likely to kill them.

Anyway, my thoughts on this topic are far less coherent than this article: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/11/the-stigma-of-sex-related-health-risks/415518/?utm_source=SFFB

Note: I am not saying people should have unprotected sex. Condoms are great. They should be used. But damn it. I notice a difference. And they interrupt the flow. And sometimes in fooling around, a condomless dick ends up inside me. Usually I have the self control after initially enjoying that to say, “ok, we should put a condom on.” But have I ever not done that? Sure. Or has the guy pulled out and cum all over me and I figure, “what the hell…his cum is everywhere. A condom isn’t going to do anything at this point”.

And yeah, I feel like I’m going to be judged for writing this admission. But if we talk actual risks, it’s not that great a risk. So, I’m being honest. And I think we all need a little more honesty about what people do, what risks are there, and what risks people take in their daily life that we don’t judge.