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Thursday, June 07, 2012

Integrity - The Life and Values of Mark Palmer

moral
soundness;
"he expects to find in us the common honesty and integrity of
men of business"; "they admired his scrupulous professional
integrity"wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Integrity
as a concept has to do with perceived consistency
of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and
outcome.
People use integrity as a holistic concept, judging the integrity of
systems in terms of those systems' ability to achieve their own
goals (if any). Wiki

Through
our choices we touch the world around us, changing the world through
example and through the power of choices lived consistently. This is
integrity, a measure of soul, spirit and mind.

Integrity
in our choices, living transparently and accountably, allows those
around us to know we can be trusted. When we choose to live in this
manner we are free to experience ourselves without fear, we see the
world differently.

This
is the story of Mark Palmer, and how living with integrity allowed
him to survive and prosper.

Mark
Palmer suffered a brain injury at age15. In late1964 he was nearly
killed in a collision with a bus, suffering a nearly fatal brain
injury. He and his friends should not have been there, sixty miles
from home. Telling their parents they were snow skiing they instead
took a trip to downtown Detroit during rush hour. The driverhad been
licensed to drive for only three days. They were enjoying a novel
sense of freedom from parental oversight.

Mark
was an ordinary young man who, in the aftermath of the accident,
faced an extraordinary challenge.

Most
people with TBI accomplish very little. Facing often-overwhelming
problems, little is expected. Many commit suicide or care so little
about the life remaining to them they recklessly throw it away,
blaming others for their bad luck. Mark chose another way. Taking
responsibility for the problems he faced while still in the hospital
he began to take control of his own choices.

Even
today little is known about traumatic brain injury, the challenges
are too diverse and complex for anyone to predict with reliability
what the TBI survivor will face.

During
the first late night surgery the doctors opted to remove the
splinters from Mark's brain, saying he had a 300 to 1 chance of
living. Mark was in a deep coma for weeks afterward. He would
remember nearly nothing of what had transpired during those weeks and
nothing of the accident.

As
Mark regained consciousness he became aware his parents wanted him
home. Normally happy people, they were clearly distressed. Mark
remembers wanting more than anything to see them smile. He was filled
with the wish to make up for being someplace he was not supposed to
be. He vowed to make up for his lack of responsibility.

Mark
decided he would do whatever necessary so they could take him home.
To be discharged, Mark had to feed himself, walk, and urinate.

Mark
managed to walk by hanging on to his IV holder, pushing it along like
a walker, each step a painful struggle. Urinating was the next item
on the agenda. Mark discovered he no longer knew how to urinate.
Refusing a catheter, he taught himself to go. It was excruciating,
the first pain he remembered from the accident, and he had been in a
coma for so long. The memory of the pain would remain with Mark for
thirty years.

Taking
a bite of food on his own also proved to be a challenge. The hospital
required Mark manage at least one bite of food for himself. It took
many tries for Mark to hit his chin with a spoon still full of
oatmeal. His right hand was in a cast, but the left was paralyzed so
his right hand did the work. Mark hit his shoulder, then his chest.
After many attempts he got the side of his mouth. No oatmeal made it
in, but it was enough. Seven people were standing there watching.

When
he was carried in to his home the hole in his skull was still covered
only by newly healed skin. His parents had shuffled bedrooms so he
would not have to climb the stairs. Mark does not remember who fed
him at home, but he knows it was not him. Over the next months he
slowly taught himself to walk, very badly. Mark overcompensated in
every way. Receiving no rehbilitation, he laid down a pattern for
misusing his body which would result in years of excruciating pain.

His
body had lost the fluid ease of youth and he leaned to one side, as
if still expecting the impact of the bus.

Mark
then experienced his second crisis. Everyone told Mark he would now
live a, normal’ life, he was nearly recovered and had only to
return to his old self. But there was no normal, old self in Mark.
Instead, Mark now experienced the world through lenses which had
changed forever. The hole in his head was healing and the hair on his
scalp was beginning to grow again. Inside his mind, he was a
different person.

Friends
veered off and the new Mark found himself often alone.

During
his weeks in the hospital he had received hundreds of cards from the
people to whom he delivered the morning paper. Nurses read these to
him, beginning before he was conscious. From a great distance he had
heard the words. He knew he had been valued for doing a good job, for
being reliable and contientious.

Mark
was the kind of paperboy who makes sure your paper is close at hand
and in good condition when you go out to pick it up. It was his job
and he diligently tried to do this job well. Knowing this sustained
him, becoming a measure he was to use over and over again.

Mark
learned while still in high school it could be worst.

While
sitting in his doctor's office, waiting to be seen, another patient,
near Mark's age, also a victim of TBI, noticing his Algebra book told
him sadly he could no longer do Algebra. Mark had his ability with
math, even if his other classes had become much harder. Hearing this,
Mark felt a surge of happiness at finding something intact.

Mark's
problems were different. It took a long time to relearn the use of
his muscles. His failures forced him to identify and work with each
small muscle, individually, bringing it under his control. In this
way he learned something very valuable. To accomplish the task at
hand he had worked tirelessly. First, with help, Mark broke down each
task by identifying smaller and smaller groups of the muscles and
then learning all over again to control each one and then all of them
together.

His
body was one set of tasks. His mind was another, even more complex.
At first he tried to believe when he was told he was now 'normal,'
that his mind was working as it had before the accident.Then he
accepted that the people he loved most were lying to him. .

When
he returned to school he could see he was not keeping up with his
class. What had been easy was now a struggle – but his teachers
passed him anyway. He would have liked to believe all would be well
but when he started college he knew parents, friends and teachers had
lied to him for the kindest reasons. But these were still lies.

When
Mark was 17 he began looking for a part-time job. He sought a job
processing 100 lb sacks of newspapers but found the supervisor
doubted he could do the work.

The
papers, produced by the Catholic Weekly, were addressed to all
subscribers, according to zip code and delivered to post office. The
job was transferring the sacks to the delivery truck, which would
then take the papers to the post office. To prove he could do the job
Mark offered to work for free for a week. Half way through the day
the circulation manager,Doug, said, "Mark, you can expect a
check."

The
muscle issues were solved first. The full impact of tthe damage hit
Mark when he began college. He flunked out. Mark made a pact with
himself. He could not discuss this with anyone because the people he
loved, and who loved him, would have been shocked and hurt. But he
would accept no lies, no matter how kind or hopeful. He would break
all learning into smaller and smaller parts until he could
understand, learn, and master the task at hand as he had done with
his body.

Mark
broke every task into smaller and smaller parts until he could
understand and master each tiny, incremental bit. Each part would be
completely understood, transparent. He would be responsible for
making each part work.

The
challenges continued to appear.

Grand
Mal Seizues started a few months after Mark had returned home. While
still in high school and college Mark suffered through seizures so
violent every incident brought with it a new injury. Over the next
years his seizures caused hundreds of dislocations of his arms, and
other injuries almost without number. Working by himself, as usual,
he learned to use pressure and gravity to pop the arms back into
place.

The
pain of urination continued. Mark learned the location of every rest
room in any city he visited.

Mark's
contined back problems and a ruptured disk, complicated by his
seizures, resulted in back surgery. The levels of pain were immense,
constantly with him. Despite the unremitting pain, for two years Mark
refused mediation for pain. Blood levels for the medication for his
seizures were never checked Only years later discovering that his
body burned the medication at a rate that rendered it useless.

When
Mark began work he automatially applied the same principles which had
helped him survive. He ascertained the facts, did not evade the
conclusions, and accepted it was up to him to find a way to make
things work.

Mark
married in 1969 and began to build a professional life for himself
and his family. The couple had two sons and the same principles were
applied to being a father.

Mark
became an ever more observant student of the world around him and of
people. Understanding others, what stopped them from successfully,
carrying out their jobs, achieving their goals, the strategies they
had adopted , received his dispassionate and intense attention.

Mark
began categorizing these and determining how he, first as computer
operator, a small company executive, to salesman, mnager and
executive then consultant, could help them change their personal
stragegies to successfully meet their goals.

In
1992 Mark was in Tokyo when both his shoulders went out at the same
time. He remembers the taxi driver, who Mark told to pull over. The
driver's shock as he watched Mark was palpable.

Mark
got out of the taxi, braced himself on the hood of the car, and using
gravity, popped both shoulders back in place, one at a time.
Returning home, he decided it was time to have them fixed surgically.
Before finding a physician Mark became an expert in the tecniques
which would be used during his surgery.

Surgery
was followed by another year of therapy.

Then
Mark discovered how his pain impacted those he loved most.

Mark's
wife came home one day and told him she had hired a landscaper. The
next week she sold the lawnmower. She could no longer stand watching
his struggle to cut the lawn, sleeping on ice, to alleviate the pain.
Mark realized, for the first time, he was causing his wife pain.This
was unacceptable to Mark.

The
search for another physician, untried therapies and techniques, began
anew.

The
new physician laid out a regimen. X-raying Mark's shoulders the
doctor prescribed massage therapy and recommended Mark begin a
regimen of Rolfing. Rolfing, a technique to break up the adhesions
between muscles and organs caused by trauma, continued weekly for 15
years.“You don't have a shoulder problem,” the doctor said, “you
have a compensation problem.”

The
physician was the first person who referred to Mark's condition using
the words, 'brain injury.' His parents had never told him. Asked
about this, Mark's father said harshly, “You
didn't deserve it” His
parents had concealed the truth out of a wish to protect their son,
finally explaining to Mark why they had told him he was 'normal.'

Mark
immediately went on line and began reading about brain injury.
Again,he became an expert.

In
1996, now 47 years of age, Mark began rehabilitation for the first
time. He relearned crawling and walking. His doctor suggested use of
more diverse protocols. A Transcutaneous
electrical nerve stimulation
( TENS)Unit became Mark's means to distract him from the pain brought
on by the new regimen. Mark wore a TENS unit continuously for three
years as his rehabilitation continued.

To
force Mark to stand upright his Rolfer would stand on the table and
pull his hair, excising old trauma from his body.

Understanding
he could change himself gave Mark a wonderful sense of freedom, pride
and accomplishment Ever since the accident Mark had stood and sat
with a lean to one side. During the rehabilitation process he
realized this originated from his attempt to brace for the impact
with the bus. His body had remembered the moments he could never
recall. Now, the lean was gone. His kids noticed he was standing
straighter. Mark did not quit. He could see that, no matter how
painful, the new techniques were working.

Pain
is no longer a constant distraction in Mark's daily life now. But he
has to work hard to keep it that way.

Mark
still approaches life in this way today. Using the same techniqueS he
had originated for his recovery had brought him far in business. In
business, Mark used transparency and accountability, developing
protocols to show others how to analyse their plans and practices
with uncompromising honesty and transparency. They must, he told
them, be accountable.

As
a business consultant Mark teaches businesses how to become more
profitable. He puts them through a process similar to the one he used
on himself. Some find the process exausting. Others, frightening. But
the process produces highly positive results.

While
waiting for a plane Mark met a young woman when she spilled her
coffee on his. She was, she explained, nervous, trying to rehearse
her responses for a job she desperately needed. As they talked, Mark
explained his approach. She thanked him. Some time later he
received this note from her.

“Dear
Mark,

I wanted to thank you for all your
support, after a lengthy and complicated job hunt there were plenty
of people suggesting tactics which would not have been me or would
have appeared fake. You encouraged to play to my strengths by
simply being me with some thought applied and it has certainly paid
off.”

Working
with sales staff, management, and company officers, the process
forces them to identify the facts which kept them from succeeding.
Using carefully designed protocols they hone in on the issues which
have prevented or limited their success.

Mark's
least successful sales management position left his client's company
with 90% revenue growth. His most successful experience was a 400%
ncrease in revenue growth.

Today,
Mark is a highly successful consultant. He is also pain free for the
first time in 50 years and he understands himself and those around
him, their motives, their evasions, and their fears.

Each
day his own regimen continues. Many normal body functions remain a
struggle. If Mark becomes over tired his speech slurs. Over the years
he has continued to lose his hearing. Each problem is approached with
the same unrelenting tools. Mark still allows himself no excuse. He
keeps researching developments in rehabilitation and on TBI, both for
himself and for others.

Mark's
sons grew up prizing their own self-sufficiency. Five grandchildren
brighten Mark's life.

Mark's
approach to his brain injury became his career and also a spiritual
discipline. Using the same standards in all parts of his life Mark
has lived a life founded on integrity, spelled out in action. By so
doing Mark has demonstrated to thousands of people the power of these
values to our lives.

Robert
Frost's, “Two Roads Diverge in a Yellow Wood,” is Mark's favorite
poem. Instead of taking the first road, Mark says he took the second.
Assuming nothing, Mark has accepted only the facts since the moment
he realized transparency was his only path to a life not limited by
his injuries. Mark accepted no limitations, instead embracing his own
power, something sensed the moment you meet him.

Far
too often we ignore the power of the values and ideas we choose to
shape both our lives and the future all of us will share. One choice,
one value at a time, we are building the future today.

Mark
Palmer's
consulting site is mark-palmer.com.
Markhas
also written a book for the victims of traumatic brain injury and
their and families titled, “Realistic
Hope.”
Mark discovered early that all parts of our lives need integrity.
Mark serves on the board for Jodi
House,
a not for profit in Santa Barbara serving the TBI community there.

This
series takes real stories and people, using them to illustrate the
principles of Integrity.

That was a pretty interesting time. I went to bed every night with headphones on listening to that show and praying Ron Paul would be prez. It was always really interesting especially when August was on. I learned a lot from that. So if it wasn't upsetting enough the Ron Paul was treated and lost in 2008 it was even more upsetting this last go around. So just bracing myself for what's to come.

Riots of Roses

What Matters to Melinda

This is my personal blog where I feel free to maunder on about those things that matter to no one but myself. What matters to me is my children, the kind of world that they will grow into, keeping faith with the promises I made to an old friend and to my father. All those things add up to a long list of specifics to be accomplished so I keep busy.

About Me

I found out
my legal given name was Mary Linda, a clever amalgamation of my
mother's, when I started Kindergarten. She did not explain the
nickname when I asked her. Noting the fact, I continued to use the
name most familiar to me, Melinda. I changed this, legally, by usage
and alteration of all legal documents when I was 23 to Melinda Pillsbury-Foster.

Pillsbury and Foster are the two lines of my family who most resonated with my own beliefs.

Dad, Dr. Arthur F. Pillsbury, had just
received his PhD from Stanford in Civil Engineering. It was 1933 and
the Depression was growing ever worse when he and Mother married. Dad's first job was designing
programs for the Civilian Conservation Corp., and they spent their
honeymoon in a tent traveling from location to location. More
on their marriage

We kids
loved the tent. We camped out in it in the backyard, practicing for
time at the cabin in Cedar Slope, which was also fun. Dad believed
children should learn how to work and think for themselves.

There were
five of us, Anne, Carol, Charles (Cappy), Melinda and Stephen. The
family genealogy is HERE.

We had our
squabbles but loved each other very much. Stephen and I are the only
siblings left, Anne, Carol, and Cappy died of causes related to the
family heart condition.

Today I'm
working on bringing to market technologies for making a sustainable
future available.

The other
part of the story is what life has taught me about psychopaths.
Don't marry them. If you do you could have a child who is also a
psychopath. My first child, Carolyn Anne Barteaux, now Morgan Gell, is a
psychopath. Realizing this was at the same time liberating and
emotionally devastating. If this happens to you, take steps to
protect yourself. Morgan
Pillsbury Gell

It was at
Morgan's suggestion I wrote the most ignored novel in human history,
GREED – The NeoConning of
America. She
wanted to be the heroine and so I rewrote reality some to make this
possible – but the stories outside the romantic through line are
all true.

The
book is being reissued, with explanation, and will be available on
Amazon this month.