Saturday, April 26, 2014

Last week I wrote about the power of perspective and as I prayed
all week for my involvement in my first ever blog hop and which topic God wanted
me to write about the word simple kept tripping me up. My journalism training
often pleads with me to get more specific or logical than Faith in Jesus Christ
requires and that obsessive need for facts or detail once caused my
heart to doubt and test God but over the past five years, as my journey with
God has raised me up from the lowest and darkest of places I have learned how
to truly Let Go and Let God rule my life and it is because of these THREE “Simple”
Steps I take every day.

1.)I wake up every morning saying, "Good Morning
Jesus I love you." These six simple words immediately puts my heart in a God place and eliminates
any desire I may have to be self-focused or have a pity party. I have a
terminal lung condition and there are more mornings than not that I wake up
knowing I will not be able to leave the apartment, I will be missing being able
to get out in the world and serve and interact with loved ones and often know
each breathe is going to be a struggle but I refuse to live being haunted by my
condition. God has made it clear my time on earth is not finished, He wants and
needs me here so starting my day focused on my Lord and Savior, starting my day
thankful that I am seeing another morning and expressing my pure devotion
allows me to choose Joy instead of sorrow. It allows me to be open to whatever
He has in store for me that day because while I may not be able to be out in
the world I can still shine His light to others in many ways. “My flesh and my
heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Psalm 73:26 ESV (My life verse)

2.)I have only been doing this step for a few
months but it has enhanced my morning devotional and quiet time with the Lord,
each day I feel more intimately connected with Jesus than I did the day before
and I can feel my emotional and spiritual strength increase daily. I read aloud
A Daily Prayer for Freedom as written by John Eldredge in “Waking the Dead.”
The prayer itself has over forty scripture references that encourage, motivate,
protect and arm me with God’s truth, power and love.

3.)Nearly two years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD
and a Chronic Anxiety disorder. From what the Doctors can tell I have probably
suffered from it most of my life, but defiantly my entire adult life. My
scariest episode occurred in July 2012 five months after my brother passed
away. For months I had been hiding
sleeplessness, crippling social anxiety, obsessive work habits\hours and had
been acting out in dangerous ways but my best friend and accountability partner, the
most discerning person I know knew something was wrong and encouraged (aggressively like only she can) me to get
help. I started seeing a Christian counselor who provided me with so many tools
that have led to great victory and healing but this step was the most life
sustaining and something I still do every night. I use my YouVersion Bible App
on my phone and have the Bible read to me every night as I fall asleep. I am
now half way through my second year of reading the Bible in a year by taking advantage
of technically I often loathe. There are nights of course I have to listen to
the few chapters twice because the first reading I am much too involved in God’s
amazing story to actually fall asleep but every night the last thing I hear isn’t
the worries playing over in my mind or my fears about my health, among other
things, but instead I hear God’s beautiful, powerful, life giving truth! “All Scripture is
God-Breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in
righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good
work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Pray so that…

Pray so that you can hear God. SO that you are in a constant
state of awareness of His presence, power, will, glory and love. Pray so that
we can talk with Him, with the creator of everything! God wants us to be in
constant communication with Him because we are His heart’s desire and so that
we can grow stronger in our spirit! Pray so that you can connect with God intimately
and access the glorious riches of His power, love, forgiveness, grace and
redemption. Pray so that God can be glorified and our hearts can be God-centered
and our lives Kingdom focused.

"Let us then approach the throne of Grace with Confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16 NIV

Saturday, April 19, 2014

I have been thinking a lot this week about perspective. One
of its many definitions is: the capacity to view things in
their true relations or relative importance <trying to
maintain my perspective>. While I once viewed the world from a place of self; what would
be the effect on me. I now see the world (as best as I can since I am human)
through God’s word, character and truth. I try to never rely on my emotions or
feelings because I have learned how fleeting and unreliable they are. God is
the same yesterday, today and forever. I try and approach every moment of life
asking two questions, does this glorify God and does it align with God’s word.

Last week I talked about my initial response to the Gospel
of John and my initially negative reaction to Jesus. The other reason I tend to
shy away from recommending the Gospel of John to new believers is because John
refers to himself as the disciple Jesus loved and I know I have been left
feeling that sounds arrogant and I have felt intimidated and even jealous by
this. Then this week I found myself in the middle of an argument about how and
who God can speak and work through. A brother in Christ has called into question
a popular Pastor whose book I am reading. I also have felt called to a ministry
of sharing God’s word and Christian encouragement through my twitter account. I
am the only one of my local friends who has a twitter and I receive over 200
texts a day from twitter that I read through and forward on to five sisters in
Christ on a daily basis. This male friend has asked that when I feel led I
include him as he is always desperate for a revival and accountability but more
times than not he makes me feel foolish for choosing to follow certain people.
Now this friend is known for being a worrier and negative, he often engages people
in fear inducing end of the world conversations and his FB wall is filled with often
hostile debate over politics and the state of our country. We are complete
opposites because God has gifted me as an encourager and I have always
preferred being positive and focusing on the glory of God than the negative and
I normally let his words go by without hurting me but this day I was led to, in
what my mind felt like defending God. I reached out to my best friend who has
the gift of discernment and asked for prayer coverage and realized that my argument
wasn’t coming from a place of anger but of Love. I am now, every day more in
love with God and I felt as though God’s glory was being attacked. I spent
hours in His word, praying and finally responding to my friend. Two days later,
having not heard back from the friend I was starting to doubt my response, I
was confident in the content and tone but worried I had hurt someone whom I
love. Then I read Part 4 of Living so That by Wendy Blight. The first two
chapters had me rejoicing, I knew that is exactly what I had been feeling that
I was standing on God’s truth because I was confident that He loved me dearly
and that I was in line with His will for me. Wendy writes, “What is so
intriguing about this statement is that John alone called himself by this name.
At first, it makes him sound a bit arrogant. But as you read through John’s writings,
you will sense that it is more likely John experienced God’s love in such
powerful ways that he knew without a doubt Jesus chose him, called him, and
deeply loved him. He knew his identity was in Christ, and, because of that, he
knew he was the Lord’s beloved. Oh, that we would have that confidence to unabashedly
speak these same words: “I am the girl Jesus loves!” No matter my actions, no
matter my words, no matter my mistakes, no matter my exploding emotions, “I am
the girl Jesus loves!” There are times I doubt my intensity of devotion to
Jesus, times I fear that I must sound so arrogant and even cocky. I worry that
people think I have all the answers because of my position in leading Life
Groups (Bible Study). I will no longer worry these things. I know that Jesus
called me to be a completely transformed woman, one who went from hating him
and challenging others faith to one who depends on Him for every breathe she takes.
I know that when I come armed to groups with God’s word investigated it takes me
hours praying and digging deep into five study bibles and online commentaries
and reaching out to leaders at my home church when I need even more clarity. I
know that when I read a book by a Christian Author that I research their
mission and know that there have been plenty of times I did not see evidence of
God’s truth in what I was reading and put the book aside. There is always a
chance the devil can work his schemes and fool me with a false teacher but I
also know that I dress myself every morning with God’s full armor and pray in
the Spirit.

God Spoke so that…

God Spoke so that we are equipped to walk in a fallen world.
So we can lead from God’s character of grace, mercy, love, forgiveness and
restoration. So that we can live with His power tucked deep inside of us and
arming us on the outside. God Spoke so that His love for us would be clear, so
that His might, power, peace, love, grace and mercy would be available to all
to be transformed, equipped and ready share with others. God Spoke so that we
could hear. He loves us so much, pursues us with His beautiful, living word so
we can tuck His seed in deep, true, rich soil and have His best in our lives.
God Spoke so that we would know peace, true, unhindered, unconditional peace as
a gift from Jesus that isn’t fleeting or based on what we can do but on what He
has and continues to do. “It is finished.” God Spoke so that I would have
confidence to share His good news, know that I am His girl who He delights in
and that I would stand firm in my faith.

"All Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Friday, April 11, 2014

While we did not have a blog hop this week I had committed to God that I would write at least one blog a week as I go through the online Bible Study of Livings So that by Wendy Blight. My week was busier and more chaotic than most and the enemy was telling me since there wasn't a blog hop to participate in I could wait until next week but God has been waiting long enough for me to honor His calling for my life. So here is my first real attempt to get the mess of my life before Jesus out as a message of His Grace, Mercy and Love!

P31 OBS, Week 1 of: Living So That

My views of who God was and what He is capable of have
all been in extremes. Growing up I hated him with every fiber of my being, I
blamed Him for taking my Poppi away from me who was my only source of stability
and my greatest cheerleader wanting me to be educated in a uneducated
surrounding. I was only four when Poppi died and as I stood outside his house
watching him being wheeled away on a stretcher I looked up to the Heavens,
shook my fists and threw down with Almighty God. I declared war on Him that
early cold morning in January and spent the next twenty four years of my life
talking people out of Christian Faith. I was a bully, deep down thinking I would
hurt him by taking away what He loved just as He had taken what I loved most.

God’s love for me ended up being stronger (of course)
than my hatred for Him. As I began my journey to Faith someone told me (as so
many people do with new believers) that if I read the Gospel of John I would
start to fall in love with Jesus. I had read the Bible growing up; you can’t
reason and intimidate people out of their Faith without manipulating God’s word
and turning it around to fit your selfish agenda, after all. I read all 21
chapters in one evening. I was not left with the warm fuzzies. Instead I
thought Jesus was arrogant, condescending, intolerant and well kind of a jerk.
Verses like, John 2:4-11, 4:16-18 and the entirety of John 11 echoed in my
mind. Each time I share my initial reaction to Jesus with fellow CHRISTians I
get the same response: a mouth agape, head cocked back and slightly tilted in
shock and awe that I could utter those words. I know it is shocking. As I have
read through the first week of my current Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study, Living
So That by Wendy Blight I have found encouragement, motivation, a mutual love
and admiration for God’s word, structure and powerful Spirit led messages.
Completing Day 5 assignment I found a moment of understanding I never had about
that Jesus who shows up in John 2:4-11; on page 37 Wendy writes, “His words
confound me because they sound almost disrespectful.” Hallelujah and Amen
finally someone gets me! It may be a small silly thing but it has motivated and
inspired me to write this blog. I have not written since early February when
the anniversary of losing my baby brother drove me to get out the despair. God
has called me to get writing again for years and He can be pushy but I can be just
as stubborn and full of fear and doubt of my abilities.

What I eventually realized was I wasn’t reading The
Gospel of John through the eyes of a willing, hopeful child of God; I still had
scales on my eyes that blinded me. I gave my life to Jesus on a chilly January
morning and while I drove home I was hungry for God. I gave John another read
that afternoon and the very moments of this beautifully written Gospel that I had
haunted me are some of my favorite moments of Jesus ministry. I fell in love
with my King, the Lord of Lords, Mighty Tower yes but for the first time in my
life I felt unconditional love back and I continue to fall more in love and
feel more loved by Jesus every day.

Jesus came so that…

Jesus came to earth to save us, to cleanse us so we could
follow Him back to Heaven. Jesus came to earth so that we would have no excuse,
we would know exactly what and how to live our lives for God’s glory. Jesus
came to earth so we could experience Grace and see a living, breathing example
of God’s love, power, strength and peace. Jesus came so that I could be free in
faith and grace. Free from bondage of life long sin, free from conditional
love, free from shame and guilt. Free to worship my savior! Jesus came so that
I could be reborn as His child, cleansed, renewed and restored. Jesus came so
that I could know love without conditions. That I could see and experience family
(Zellers and HCC) and He equips me daily to share the great news of His coming!
Jesus came so that we could see and feel how loved we are as God’s chosen
children.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." ~ John 3:16 NIV