Reader Feedback

5 Responses to “I Remember”

When I didn’t know what a thyroid was. I don’t want to be ignorant again, but there are days that I wish I didn’t know about or have to think about it. I wish it didn’t invade my every thought, idea and plan.

I remember…

Being able to plan stuff. Now I can’t plan too much because I might have an off day, and I am back to being broke and in debt.

I remember…

Being excited about planning for my daughter to go away to college, now I worry constantly that I will drop the ball on something and she won’t be able to go… That she won’t be able to go because all my money is being eaten up by my Graves Disease.

I remember…

Being happy without the cloud cover that is thyroid disease. Laughing like a child right along with my kids, now I snap and they stay away from me.

I remember when I first heard I had thyroid disease. I was quite pleased because I thought it meant the tiredness I had struggled with for years would now be cured. I’d just take the medicine and would feel better. I finally had an answer and I thought that meant I had a solution.

That was over a year ago, with each dosage increase, or more recently when the chance finally came to trial T3 medication, I was convinced this was it, I would be back to “normal” soon and could “get on with my life”.

Well life goes on, this is it and I have lots to be thankful for, but sadly full health continues to elude me. I’m at home tapping away on my computer on a Tuesday morning because I’m not well enough today to go to work and I’m scared that I might lose my job soon because my boss doesn’t think I’m up to it anymore, and she might be right.

I don’t know what the future holds, my memories are in some ways bitter sweet, memories of the expectations I had of a successful career for example. but then I’m also learning so much I would never have known, without the lessons the difficulties of this illness present me with.

I’ve discovered meditation and have deeper more meaningful relationships with many of the people around me who have supported me and taken time to listen to me and opened up to me in ways they might not have done had I not now had this vulnerability about me.

The frustrating thing is how much I DON’T remember!! On a daily basis the brain fog pops up and eats my short term memories, knocking my dignity and confidence: “did you give me that bit of paper, no you didn’t oh here it is in my hand, how embarrassing!”

Hey ho, this is my life, I get on with it. It’s not what I expected but things could be so much worse. How wonderful to have the internet to reach out to others in the same boat. Hello.

It is great to have people here who understand exactly what you are going through. I empathize with your “remember” writing, it is how I feel… try to be optimistic, and then suffer another letdown. We will get there! We have to believe that!

So good that you shared this here! I remember not having to take a pill everyday… because for 44 years I did not have to take anything. I really understand, I still try to take on the world, I just don’t get very far! 🙂