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Perspective and Ruminations

So this new found awareness of the numinous presence of the Divine is still with or upon me. While I am not one to be ungrateful for the blessings I am given by the universe, and I am seeking after a deeper understanding of these things… there is a part of me that kind of wishes I could have some more mundane blessings…

Job advancement, a promotion or pay raise or something that moves me from the barely above minimum wage work I have done for my entire adult life so far…and towards the sort of management jobs I recently went several thousands of dollars into debt to learn more about.

On the other hand I have achieved the dream of writing professionally, I can achieve my dreams.

Then too, there is the fact that the me of a few years ago would have been too consumed with self doubt and pity about the work stuff to really notice or appreciate this strange new awareness of the everyday holiness of the world around him. He would have been consumed with self pity, fear, and doubt, and drowning in them would have found ways to run away from his pain and his fear and dulled his senses so he didn’t have to face such things.

As much as I have learned to love myself, and as much as I understand the how and why of who I was (or how I behaved) even a few short years ago… in some ways I am glad I am no longer quite the same person that I was. Or, to put it better, I am glad the person that I am (and that I can be) is not allowing himself to be trapped in the same patterns and fear and foolishness that so weighed down the man that I was.

I am blessed by the Gods with a loving partner and good friends and the knowledge that I can achieve my dreams if I let myself face the fear of failing to try. I have recently dug out all of my start-your-own-business books that I had bought in the year or two before meeting The Big Guy and going to school for Hospitality and Restaurant Management. I’ve been puttering around the boxes in the garage and looking for my old Coffee House notebook…

I am trying to also spend some time each day writing… but I am having trouble getting my momentum started on that one… I think I need to try sitting in meditation for a while before I try writing… sitting in quiet and quieting my mind … stillness before the flow of creativity.

Just as every atom and cell of creating is alive with the touch of the Divine, the Divine is within us; we can learn a lot about ourselves by seeing what reflections we see in the mirrors of our contemplation on the Universe and the Divine.