Wednesday, 21 August 2013

It feels like the fastest year of my life, yet in the same breath, like I've aged 20 years.

One year ago, almost to the moment I am writing this, my world changed.

The rest of my life changed.

I walked into that Neurologist's office, expecting my brain MRI to be normal; that my symptoms would continue to be undiagnosed. Then that fateful moment happened. Alone, I sat in the examining room, with the MRI images already up on the computer monitor. I saw the images. And I knew. I knew without a doubt.

And here we are, a year later. Some days I still can't fully explain how all this feels. Whether I am still saddened by it, or have passed fully into acceptance. Or maybe my real fight has yet to come.

It has been a battle like none I have experienced before. Yet, it has also been an incredible journey of self discovery and increased self awareness.

Then the questions came - fast. Can I make my MS go away? Why do I have it? Will he get it too? Will the shots I do everyday cure my MS?

That's a lot for a 6 year old to ask, and a lot for a mother to answer. And it's hard to sugar coat it.

We talked about how MS affects everyone in different ways, and we talked about how it has affected me so far. He wanted to see pictures of what MS looks like on a brain, so we looked at some images together.

It was a sad conversation to have with such a small, innocent little guy. His worry for me - for my health - breaks my heart.

But I am amazed by his knowledge, interest and genuine concern.

Our chat finished with him telling me it was so important for us to do the MS Walk every year, as that will "help the doctors raise money and make Mommy healthy."

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

My big spinal cord lesion, which is a transverse lesion, at C4, has increased in size a small amount. This is since my last cervical spinal cord MRI last October.

The lesion is classified as "high intensity," in imaging terms.

As for what this means for me, right now - not much. But I think it does prove, as expected, that most of my current disease activity is spinal cord related.

Treatment will continue as normal.

Tomorrow I meet with my Neuro-Ophthalmologist to check my right eye. It's been over a year since the acute optic neuritis, and although most of my vision is back, it has never returned to normal. Vision, some colour perception, and peripheral acuity are all still very much affected.