Shopping with My Wife

Today, I did a thing that I have never wished to do,
A thing that I have dreaded all my life.
A thing that, even now, I tremble as I’m telling you,
Today, I went out shopping with my wife.

I drove her to the mall and then we strode into a store,
A place where men should never have to go.
The women there were pushing, shoving, buying more and more,
I knew at once the day would bring me woe.

For hours I stumbled ‘round the stores, pitfalls at every step
I walked until I fin’ly had to drop,
For though I was exhausted, my dear wife was full of pep,
Like women everywhere, she loves to shop.

At last the day was over and I had a chance to rest
Amid the piles of stuff we’d bought today.
The worst is still ahead of me; how will I pass the test
And figure how on Earth I’m gonna pay?