15 April 2011

Blessings

[Scene: I'm in bed with Maddie; it's her turn to snuggle with Mama until she falls asleep. All is cozy, warm, and dozy.]

Maddie: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I am counting my blessings."Mama: "Oh, that's a nice thing to do. Do you want to tell me what they are, are or just think about them in your head as you count?"Maddie: "One, my money."Mama: [?????]Maddie: "Two, my daddy, who is already dead."Mama: [heart busting into a thousand pieces; brain wondering why he comes after the money]Maddie: "Then, my toys, my school, my window, my breath, everything I like in the world. That's not ten. Wait! Sleeping with my mama. The girls at school. Some of the boys at school. Being outside."

I'm not actually sure where she was introduced to the concept of blessings, or counting them; if it's something I taught her, I do not remember doing so. And it's curious to me, that on that whole largely random list of things, her dad is such a real and prominent feature. I stand by my assertion that she remembers him, and not just the idea of him. The real him. That is indeed a true blessing.

There's something about snuggling an almost 5 year old to sleep that brings out deep thoughts (from both parties). Glad you've figured out a way to make that happen for yourself and the twins. Sounds lovely. Blessings for you all!-

For what it's worth I absolutely believe that Maddie could remember her father.

I wouldn't have thought such a thing was possible before I had children, but after hearing some of the things that my four year old recalls I believe that children remember much more than society gives them credit for.

I think that we make so many new memories that the ones from when we are little just get set aside, then not being oft-remembered that path in the brain fades and they are harder to remember. But if something big happens (for me it was the arrival of my brother followed quickly by my parents splitting up) then those early memories become much more important. Even to a child (I was 3) they get played over and over and the pathways stay clear instead of being unused and overgrown. I clearly remember things from when I was 2 because they are of things that happened when we were a family of 3, when I didn't only see my dad every-other weekend. Based on this empirical evidence (snort) I declare that it is not possible for your children not to remember their dad.

I leave this evidence here for you to use any time that it brings you some comfort.