“According to Harris, who said she heard a loud “knocking sound” and saw tail lights that night, she and her brother found Woods, 33, shoeless and snoring in the passenger seat of his 2009 Cadillac Escalade.”

Shoeless and snoring? If this becomes a made-for-tv movie, I want Tracey Morgan playing Tiger.

The worst part of this whole thing for Tiger is probably this story, where it’s revealed that he’s ashamed of his tiny tiny calves.

It is currently unclear as to how this incident will impact Tiger Woods’ standing in the upcoming racial draft. Tiger Woods was heavily favored to be picked up by the Whites once again after being drafted as the first pick by the Blacks at the last draft. The Blacks, if given the first pick, are likely to overturn the much debated Chinese pick: