"Amish Paradise" is a 1996 song/video
by "Weird Al" Yankovic. It is a parody
of the hip hop song "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio You
can see this nice, music video at the above source, or on my
site by clicking
'HERE'.

An Amish lady is trotting down
the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over
by a cop.

"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket
you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have
a broken reflector on your buggy."

"Oh, I'll let my husband know
as soon as I get home."

"That's fine. Another thing,
ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the
horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider
that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have
your husband take care of that right away!"

Later that day, the lady is home
telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.

An Amish woman and
her daughter were riding in an open buggy one cold blustery
January day. The daughter said
to the mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The
mother replied, "Put your hands between your
legs. The body heat will warm them up." So
the daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was
riding in the buggy with her boyfriend.
The boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold."
The daughter said, "Put them between my legs,
they'll warm up." Happly he did just
that.

Next day the boyfriend is driving
in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My
nose is freezing cold." The daughter said "Put it between
my legs, it will warm up." He did and his nose warmed up.

The next day the boyfriend is
driving again with the daughter and he said, "My penis
is frozen solid." Later that week, the daughter is driving
in the buggy with her mother. She says to her
mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Mother says "Sure why do you
ask?" The daughter says, "Well, they just make one hell
of a mess when they thaw out!!"

An Amish boy and his father were
visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything
they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could
move apart and back together again. The boy asked his
father, "What is this, Father?"

The father responded "Son, I
have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know
what it is." While the boy and his father were watching
wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving
walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady
rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed
and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with
numbers above the walls light up. They continued to
watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The
walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.

TopSubj: Amish
Vehicle (S426b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/18/2005 While driving in Pennsylvania,
a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage
obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the
back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy
efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do Not step
in exhaust."