Emotional Stages of the Adult Child Caring for Aging Parents

A lot of attention is paid to the emotional stages of developing young children. But adults have emotional stages, too, especially when they are dealing with aging parents.

It can help a great deal to understand some of what’s “normal” about what you may feel and experience as an adult child – when your parents need you the way you needed them when you were little.

Here are some of the common emotional stages of the adult child as you go through parental caretaking.

1. Who Are You?

While some experts say that the determination of who you are occurs in early adulthood, it gets redefined at various stages in your life. When your parents get older, for instance, you may be taking on a role and identity you’re not familiar with (caregiver). Or you may find that your life turns completely upside-down and you have to rethink your whole outlook on life. Understanding that this is normal can help you cope with this emotional phase whenever it comes.

2. Resentment

Yes, it’s normal to feel some resentment if you have to completely rearrange your life to take care of your aging parents. It’s normal to experience this, but not a good idea to “wallow” in the resentment or you might become bitter and angry. One of the best ways to let the resentment go is to accept it as a normal emotional stage.

3. Guilt

This is an emotional stage of parental caretaking that most of us don’t like to admit, but again, it’s normal to feel a bit guilty – no matter what you choose for your parents. Whether you put them in a nursing home, assisted living, or care for them in their or your home, the feeling that you should have done “more” or something different is understandable.

4. Depression

The fact is, your life is different now if you’re caring for your parent(s). You may not get out and socialize as much as you used to, or feel like you’re neglecting your immediate family such as your spouse and kids. Add to this the sense of overwhelm that often comes with the duties of a caretaker, and you can understand why depression is a normal emotional stage.

5. Acceptance

As you work out a pattern for your days and weeks, you’re likely to come to a place of acceptance. When your parent does pass away, you will be able to accept his or her passing knowing that you did what you could and are now able to move on to yet another stage in your life.

Caring for an aging parent is never easy. But it does help to know what to expect emotionally.