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Sunday, January 6, 2013

Life Rules for Foster (and All) Parents

by John and Diane.

We recently re-posted our House Rules for kids and teens, and
got a question…”Where are the rules for parents?” Thanks for the reminder! We have been meaning to talk about
this for a while now.

Although most of this is probably already part of the heart
and soul of your home, it’s a good reminder at those moments of frustration,
that as parents of foster kids, or any child, we have a higher calling to be
better people than we can sometimes be. But… we must always try. There are life
rules we must live by, things we must do so that we can provide the basic and
more complex needs of the children in our care.

With that being said…here are the Life Rules for Foster (and All)
Parents:

You Must:

1.Supply all
his or her needs. This may seem obvious to most of you, but I found
through the years in foster care it’s not. So let’s go through some of the
easier things that I would think all parents would already be doing.

a. Food

b. Bed

c.Clean
clothes

d.Warm home

e. And a chance to go to school and to join
in other actives with children their own age. This could be in church or school
and many other ways.

f. LOVE. The one thing all of us need but a
child needs more. How do you show love?

ii.You need to
forgive them (if you’re not kicking them out because it is SO bad,) for what
they did, and let it go! Let them feel like they belong to the family.

iii.Use
positive reinforcement when the child is good and just use the consequences for
breaking house rules when they “mess up.” He or she already knows will happen if they break the rules
so you don’t need to berate them with negativity. State the broken rule and
enforce the consequences.

iv.Please do notuse sarcasm.
This is not positive or negative, it’s just dumb and it will mess your child up
and make it hard for them to make friends later on. Most of
the time the child has no Idea what you are saying anyway.

v. Just be honest with them and truthful. Always tell them how they could have
done something differently when they do something wrong. Make it a learning moment for both of
you and go through it all calmly and without anger (try your best.)

2.Be
trustworthy. Even if you can’t
trust the child, he or she has to see what it looks like to be trustworthy. The
only way they will learn this is by watching you. This means if you tell them
you are going to do something… Do it. Following through on promises you make with
the child.

3.Make sure
the child knows you are in control. This will help teach them to trust
you.

This is easy to do. Make sure when the child gets
something, you point out the role you had in it. Let them know how they would
not have it if it weren’t for you.

For
example, show them how through your efforts in working with them, they were
able to achieve something…that because they trusted
you to teach them, they accomplished something.

You also will show you are in control when you enforce
the house rules. By enforcing the house rules you gain the child’s trust
because ultimately, your child knows the rules protect him and keep him safe.

4.Be
emotionally strong. Know your strengths, weaknesses and your hot buttons.
You need to be able to control your emotions and know when
you have reached your limits. Get your partner or spouse to help you if you
feel you are being pushed beyond your limits, so the child doesn’t see that. The child will not trust you if
they feel you are weak. If
they feel you’re stronger than them, they will feel safe.

5.Don’t allow
things that happened in the past to cloud your judgment with your child. Always
allow your child to try again at things he tried at the past. Kids are always
growing in intelligence and in skills. Don’t let your own limitations and fears
limit the growth of your child.

6.Smile a lot
when you are with your children. Always be nice
to your wife or husband in front of the kids unless you at trying to teach them
a “life lesson,” then let the children see but remember they will treat their
better half the same way, so do it in a Godly way please.

7.Always try
to treat your foster children as your own. If people can’t tell which child is yours and which ones are
foster, you’re doing a good job.

8.For my
family we pray together and in the prayer I can ask God to help me and them sometimes
the child asks for help too, this is always a good start. A family that plays and prays together
stays together…

Of course, all rules need to fit you home. Feel free
to make changes and additions as need be. image:

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