Two Shades of Gray

I know what you’re thinking…different shades of gray though. Sorry to disappoint.

Hang with me here for a sec, it’ll be worth it…

About once or twice a month I experience what I have termed a “gray day.” You know, the day where you wake up (and/or breathe) and you feel like you are enveloped by a giant gray wooly awful blanket that’s so heavy you can barely move. Its laden with evil powers that slowly suck the life out of you and also hinder your ability to say one positive thing to yourself or anyone else within a 10 mile radius. Fuck quickly becomes the word of choice for everything….fuck right off (thanks V), this fucking sucks, fuck you, fuck that, fuck me!

I’ve decided that this shade of gray is cool. Damp. Bone-chilling. Like a dense fog. Surrounding you like a hungry group of giant bats who want to torture you, simply for their own amusement.

Oddly enough, I can actually feel the moment when the “gray” lifts and I feel like me again. Positive, happy and grateful to be alive. It’s like somebody turned the color back on. (Remember Pleasantville?!)

I’ve taken Prozac for almost twelve years and finally decided that my happy pill alone was no longer effective. If I didn’t try something new I would end up driving off a bridge wrapped up in that cool gray straight jacket and leave my husband and kids thinking, WTF, she had a great life. Was there something wrong with us?

hale the gray, it’s a new day.

So I made a conscious choice to take matters into my own hands and conquer this gray beast. For over two years, I have done the work and risen above the mist to find a new shade of gray. This gray is warmer. Lighter. Softer. So pleasant. Feels like a super soft cozy blanket that befalls my shoulders like a super cape. This gray is made up of hues of red and brown and a tinge of yellow. It’s colors fuel me. This feels different! More even.

I have a very close friend who has a daily ritual that’s turned into a habit. She keeps track of moderate happiness. Each night In her journal she writes down her thoughts and feelings and goals and dreams. She reflects on her day. She then makes a little mark up in the corner of the page. If I remember right, it’s a V (for victory). She says this means she experienced moderate happiness all day long. Nothing so manic and nothing that feels like a giant cool gray blanket. Just even keeled happiness. So far, her record is 7 days in a row.

I am excited to try this practice for myself. I think it will be amazing.

Do you ever experience shades of gray? If so, how do you feel when that happens? What thoughts are producing those feelings? What beliefs stem from those feelings that are sabotaging your success?

Hale the gray! It’s a new day!
Stay sane, my friends.

…Before she knew what was happening, Zane appeared behind her and pulled her close. She could feel the size of his member against her; or was that a toothpick! She dreamed of this moment for months and now it was actually happening. Her saggy breasts heaved inside her blouse, as much as saggy breasts can. She squeezed her butt cheeks together hoping they would feel a little firmer against his manhood. He whipped her around (shit, she felt dizzy) and planted his tongue inside her mouth. He removed her clothes and stared at the naked figure in front of him……

CUE THE MUSIC

…..the ambulence driver had never seen someone die of ACTUAL laughter before…

Fuck off and die, asshole, she thought to herself. She unzipped the 40-something suit and what emerged was the most beautiful and perfect creature anyone had ever seen.