This week, Boris and co. bickered over Brexit, Donald Trump established himself as the Republican frontrunner and Adam Johnson was found guilty of one count of sexual activity with a girl aged 15.

But that wasn’t all.

This week also saw a couple of unfortunate dildo stash revelations and a mummified sailor at the reins of a ghost ship.

So in case you missed them, here are the stories you really needed to read this week:

If you ask for help moving your mattress, be conscious of what you were keeping beneath it

Hmm, notice anything? (Picture: Reddit)

The best part of this story was not that a woman’s friend accidentally discovered her friend’s dildo stash when she moved her mattress, but that the Reddit community took no time at all to identify each and every sex toy by name.

‘Memory foam never forgets,’ wrote one user.

Pirates of the Caribbean comes to the Philippines

Spooky (Picture: Barobo Police Station)

In a story more befitting Pirates of the Caribbean than the real world, the mummified body of a sailor was found slumped at the desk of a ‘ghost ship’ that may have drifted the oceans without a crew for years.

There were no signs of violence, and inspectors still don’t know how Manfred Fritz Bajorat died.

‘It is still a mystery to us,’ he said.

Where are people with your surname most populous?

This website will tell you where your surname is most popular in the UK (Picture: UCL)

There’s a good reason for keeping airline window shades open during takeoff and landing

There are in fact a few reasons why you have to keep the window shades open, but the main reason is so that if something unusual happens outside, you – that is, the passenger – can make a fuss (‘the wing’s on fire!’ or whatever it may be) and alert the cabin crew.