A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: The Reification Of Honey Boo Boo

Kelly: Hello, GabeGabe: oh hey! kelly!Kelly: Oh, what’s up?Gabe: oh haha, you know!Gabe: the uszGabe: just chillaxing on the netKelly: Isn’t it just so funnyKelly: That you can’t spell the short way to say usuallyKelly: How do you spell it?Kelly: What’s the deal with that?Gabe: you were pretty fast with the criticismGabe: considering you didn’t have anything to back it upKelly: Oh I don’t mean YOU in particularKelly: I just mean “you” as in mankindGabe: right, as in the difficulty facing all mankindGabe: in the spelling of “the usz”Gabe: one of the key concerns of voters in 2012Kelly: Tell Us How To Spell It 2012Kelly: NEWay I’m just hanging out on-line tooGabe: neatKelly: Yeah pretty neatKelly: SoKelly: What’s up? What do you want to talk about?Gabe: i want to talk about the reification of Honey Boo BooKelly: Oh!

Gabe: as i pointed out this week, i haven’t ever watched the actual showGabe: but she’s our new snooki i guess?Kelly: I guess so!Gabe: who was our new kate gosselin?Gabe: who was our new Heather B from the Real World?Kelly: I was going to say PuckKelly: But either wayGabe: there is a weird and inevitable thing that happens with these peopleGabe: when their show is popularGabe: which is that they leave their weird diorama lifeGabe: “House with 8 Kids in it”Gabe: “Seaside Heights”Gabe: “Wherever the hell Honey Boo Boo lives”Gabe: and begin to interact with the real worldGabe: and not even the real worldGabe: because going on Jimmy KimmelGabe: is not the real worldGabe: but they mix it up with the celebrity-industrial complex that created themGabe: and then they become these weird performance artistsGabe: who have to maintain the character they have becomeGabe: in fish out of water scenarios

Kelly: RightKelly: Because their identity has become compromisedKelly: But if they don’t want to have to go back to that identity pre-fameKelly: They have to continue to maintain that identityKelly: Even though it is no longer their identityGabe: but then the show also has to reflect thatGabe: somehowGabe: or at least address itGabe: like in season 2 of Jersey Shore
when everyone pulled up to that dilapidated garbage houseGabe: in a brand new black mercedesKelly: I’m realizing now, in trying to think of another exampleKelly: That the reality shows I watch are the ones that desperately try to remove any aspect of the notion that the people on the show and the people around the people on the show have any idea that they are on a successful reality showKelly: Like Gallery Girls <3 <3Gabe: hahahaGabe: well, Bravo kind of has its own reality astheticGabe: a meritocratic contest show is differentGabe: although the Real HousewivesGabe: get pretty far up their own buttsKelly: haha yesGabe: in general what happens, of courseGabe: is that eveyrone’s mind falls apartGabe: but this time we are dealing with an actual childGabe: she IS a childKelly: YeahKelly: There was a point in that Jimmy Kimmel interviewKelly: I’m sure you rememberKelly: When she got flustered and nervous and just shouted, “YOU BETTER REDNECKOGNIZE!”

Gabe: yesKelly: To cheers from the audienceKelly: And it was kind of EXTREMELY heartbreakingGabe: hey! hopefully she will take all of the money from the showGabe: invest it in Apple or whateverGabe: go to college
and become a brain surgeonGabe: or the first female presidentKelly: hahahKelly: That is the hopeGabe: that is what everyone at the network is hoping for and why they got into this business in the first placeKelly: “Do I have to go over the hope again?”Kelly: This is a strange case, though, where it’s not like Jon and Kate + 8 or somethingKelly: Where the family goes from basically normal to completely destroyedGabe: well, if the end result is destructionGabe: which it almost 100 percent always isGabe: i’m not sure how much it mattersGabe: where they started fromGabe: there have been plenty of weirdos on reality TVGabe: who got chewed right upGabe: with the exception of The MizGabe: he’s perfectKelly: HahahaaaaaKelly: The Miz is definitely perfect, good for The Miz.Gabe: long story shortGabe: when honey boo boo was going to come outGabe: everyone was very worried about whatGabe: that family was going to do to our cultureGabe: but no one seemed very worriedKelly: oh this is going to be very goodGabe: about what our culture was going to do to that familyKelly: BOOM

Gabe: shut up, kellyKelly: No, that was very goodKelly: Put that on a power point and send it to every college!Gabe: when is your internship over?Gabe: don’t you have to go back to school at some point?Kelly: Why would I go back to school when I have the best teacher in the world right here?Gabe: you’ve been great, such a great assetGabe: we’re having cupcakes in the conference roomGabe: to say goodbye to kelly, everyoneGabe: she has to go start her junior yearGabe: of high schoolGabe: THIS SHOULD BE A REALITY SHOW RIGHT HERE!Kelly: aaahahahahahahaGabe: put US on TVGabe: we’ll come up with catchprhases for daysGabe: bloggetaboutit!Kelly: POSTED AND ROASTED!Kelly: Hahaha it’s only too badKelly: That “you’re fired” is already a catchphraseGabe: two people were picked to live in a house to find out what really happens when no one watches this showGabe: COULD YOU GET THE PHONE?!Kelly: “What shows are on tonight?”Gabe: i suppose if we are very luckyGabe: the Honey Boo BoosGabe: (that’s their family name, right?)Gabe: will become the next KardashiansKelly: We can only hope.Gabe: incidentally kris kardashian said this weekGabe: that she wants to be their manager?Gabe: like what is even going on out there in this world?Kelly: Honey Boo Boo’s manager?Gabe: yesGabe: Dream TeamKelly: Holy moly. I must say that I did get a little nervous for the family when I found out that the mom was their manager.Kelly: Kris Kardashian seems like the perfect solutionGabe: “Where would you like to see yourself in five years?”Gabe: “Cheeseburger!”Gabe: “Well, I think if you orchestrate a sex tape with Zak and Cody the Suite Life then you can have a cheeseburger in only 3 years.”Gabe: and THAT is showbusinessKelly: And you thought their lives would be destroyed.

If Kris Kardashian really wants to lock down her position as Honey Boo Boo’s manager, she should tell her that she can control midichlorians to win beauty pageants. Historically, that’s been known to work in similar situations.

i have not seen the show and don’t get the appeal. at all. the fact that people consider this “entertainment” or “fun” is just baffling to me. it’s basically “people of Walmart” but on TV…and everyone thinks its funny, until you are actually in Walmart with said people.

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