Disgruntled parking attendants dump dozens of customers’ car keys

The Miami-based Premier Parking Ventures served up a real shitburger to its customers recently after two of its parking lot attendants dumped dozens of keys into a pile and left several drivers stranded.

WPTV reports that, to protest their delayed payroll, the disgruntled attendants chucked everyone’s keys on the lot, which is adjacent to Port Miami. Thus, the majority of frantic customers standing around with their fingers in their tuchises just came ashore from a cruise. Or, at least, it took them forever to figure out whose keys belonged to whom. “They had just a mosh pit of people scrambling through keys,” according to one customer, “and people saying they’re gonna miss their flight, some people screaming they’re gonna call the police.”

“We’re waiting for a locksmith to come so they can make keys so we can go home,” said another customer. “Now that it’s been over five and a half hours ago.”

Some customers had to call tow trucks and are shoving the bill up Premier’s keyster. Premier, meanwhile, is passing the buck onto its valets, who haven’t issued an official statement to the press but pretty sure it looks something like this: