Wave of Iranian kleptomaniacs seek asylum in the UK

UKIP Immigration spokesmen Adolf Stuart lashed out at inadequate government controls after it emerged that a planeload of Iranians with criminal records for theft have arrived at Leeds Airport and promptly claimed political asylum.

‘They are just opportunists seeking a hand-out’ railed Stuart.

Asylum seeker Abdul Sukker rejected the suggestion that the group would be a drain on British society.

'We will be entirely self-sufficient - the word on Tehran’s streets is that you can nick stuff from Asda with one hand tied behind your back.'