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For a very long time I was convinced there was something wrong with me. I was too fat or too thin, not worthy of love, too ugly, too short, and too self-conscious. If things were different, if I were different, my life would be a breeze. But instead I was plagued with this constant problem. I was convinced my weight was an issue; a cross I had to bear and fight for life.

When I got serious about fighting my weight, I came up with a new problem: I was too skinny. Suddenly I was a crazy person around food. I would measure and weigh everything down to my spinach, yet every now and then I had a moment with a jar of peanut butter that I wished I could erase. I had a problem. When my weight wasn’t a problem, my eating was. Then when I gained weight all over again, I became ten times more frustrated.

Every day was a fighting battle. Would I wake up 5lbs heavier today? Would my jeans fit? Would I be able to look in the mirror without cringing? I was afraid of myself. I couldn’t be trusted around food and my body was shameful. I was shameful. I couldn’t be loved or accepted. Who would want to? I was a ugly, crazy person around food and I couldn’t be trusted.

I tried again and again to solve this problem that I so badly thought I had. I saw dietician, after nutritionist, after therapist. I read self-help book, after diet book, after Weight Watchers magazine. I ate low calorie, high fat, and low carb. My problem just couldn’t be fixed.

Then I started to realize, what if I didn’t have a problem at all? What if the problem was actually thinking I had a problem to begin with? What if I loved my body and treated her as if she were perfect? What if I ate like I didn’t have a “problem”? What would happen?

I stopped fighting. I stopped searching for a cure. I stopped dieting. I stopped diagnosing. I started living.

For years, between the months of October and December it seemed like my health and body image always took a backseat to an overload of cookies, sweets, baggy clothes, and the winter blues.

It’s always a fun time of year, between holidays, friends, family, and parties, but at the same time, all of this fun often led up to a whole lot of stress. Everything from my finances, to what to wear suddenly seemed like an overwhelming burden and I often compensated for this stress by over analyzing my food choices.

I would meal plan, restrict, and count calories, all in the hopes of looking amazing by the time Christmas day came around. The problem was, my anxiety, that I was convinced was about my weight, was actually about things like seeing long-lost friends, getting along with family, and my money. I never actually addressed these fears and every time I slipped up on my diet, I felt like I just couldn’t take it any more.

The anxiety I was ignoring, thanks to my diet, was then taken out on cake, chocolate, and candy, which I had likely, previously denied myself at a party the night before. Since these times, I’ve finally figured out how to combat holiday stress and now I’m going to share some of my tips with you. Here are 3 of my favorite tips to stay sane during the holidays.

1. Get clear on your emotions.

Don’t let your stress take a backseat. Get clear on what it is that is causing your stress or anxiety and tackle it. If it’s finances, make a budget, if it’s your family, give them a call and talk it out now. Likely your stress over your weight is simply a side effect of a bigger fear. Figure out what that fear is and tackle it.

2. Don’t go on a restrictive diet, or even try to diet during the holidays.

Instead, keep your focus on eating quality whole foods, staying healthy, and weight maintenance. Stressing about your weight or food choices is only going to add on to the stress of the holidays. Plus the increased guilt whenever you eat something not entirely healthy will actually put you at an increased risk to gain weight. De-stress and give yourself permission to enjoy the season.

3. SELF CARE.

It’s very easy when things get busy and stressful to put yourself last on the list of priorities but I want you to make this year different. Consciously take 30 minutes per day for you. Do something you love everyday. Stay active. Get enough sleep. Take days off. It may take some creative scheduling or saying “no” on your part but I promise it is worth it!

I think this is an excellent time of year to put yourself first and really address your health. Why? Because this is the time of year when we often put ourselves last, in favor of everything else in our lives. Remember when you take care of yourself first, you are better able to care for everyone else around you.

Now you tell me….

What are your tips for staying sane during the holidays?

A couple days ago I was cleaning out my closet. I came across the teeniest, tiniest pair of extra small shorts in the back of my closet. Five years ago these shorts were the perfect fit. Today I could probably get the entire pair over one thigh and no, I refused to try it. For a minute my heart dropped. I felt a rush of emotions.

Disappointed.

Sad.

Ugly.

Angry.

Then a little twinge of pride came over me.

Yes I said pride. I am so much healthier than I was when I would squeeze into those tiny shorts. I was hungry on a 24/7 basis, cranky, and just about the most boring person ever. Even back when I was tiny, I was self-conscious. I hated my body. I would never wear a bikini. I didn’t like me.

My struggle with nutrition and weight loss is a bit different than most. I lost all the weight I ever wanted and then some and I was miserable. I gained it all back and was miserable.

I think by now you know I’m not the biggest fan of diets, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried them all! I’ve been dieting since the age of 12 and have tried just around 20 diets over the course of my life. The only thing they all taught me was that they don’t really work! To find out why exactly I started losing weight when I stopped dieting, head over to Mind, Body, Green to read my latest article. You don’t want to miss this!