A Strip-Joint Bouncer Spills

After hearing this insider's account of what goes down, you may never let your guy leave the house again!

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I'm the guy who decides if your boyfriend gains entrance to a strip joint. But don't call me a bouncer—I prefer the term host—and I consider where I work to be a gentlemen's club. I usually hang out just inside the front entrance, waiting for customers to line up at the door (which they do in droves). I always let the club regulars in first—especially those I know to be really big spenders. Everyone has to pay a $20 cover charge to get in, but the guys who know what's up slip me at least $20 more to ensure they get the best seats in the house.

The Scene

I bring patrons into the main room, which has three stages with two girls—wearing nothing but G-strings, garter belts, and stilettos—dancing on each. One will be swinging around a pole, while the other is slithering across the stage. Sometimes they kiss or touch each other to get the guys excited...but they're mostly focused on entertaining the dudes sitting in front who are eagerly stuffing ones, tens, and twenties
into their garter belts. You might assume that all men go to strip clubs to drool over women with giant fake boobs, but some of our customers like women who have small chests, so we hire dancers with that body type too. We even have one guy who always comes in asking for women with broad shoulders and a little extra meat on their arms. He pays those girls to—get this!—hug him. It's really weird, but he's totally harmless. Everyone else shows up for one reason and one reason only: lap dances. When I'm on duty inside the club instead of at the front door, a dude will point out which dancer he thinks is hot, and I'll bring her over to give him a dance, which costs $20 and lasts the length of a song. The stripper will usually start by dangling her hair in a guy's face so he can get a whiff of how amazing she smells. Then she sticks her chest in his face and proceeds to dance very provocatively, usually while standing between his legs. The good dancers do this until the guy gets really aroused and antes up for another dance. The great dancers can actually take a guy to the brink, if you know what I mean, without ever even touching skin directly. It might disturb you, but it's true. Our bathroom attendants tell me that men sometimes try to use the hand dryers to clean up their pants.

Believe it or not, we have strict rules about customer conduct, and it's my job to enforce them. Light touchin—which we call incidental touching—is all that's allowed. A patron can touch a dancer's neck or thigh, but groping is not permitted. Recently, one idiot got drunk and started grabbing a dancer's breasts. I kicked him out immediately. But there are places where the rules can kind of go out the window, like the private rooms, for which some guys will fork out $400 or more. (These are known as champagne rooms.) Sex is not supposed to happen there, and we monitor the action by sending in cocktail waitresses every so often. But I have had to toss guys for going too far, and girls have gotten fired for performing sexual acts. That hard-core stuff happens pretty rarely though. Usually, the chick just gets totally naked and gives the guy a few really close dances. One investment banker who frequents the club pays for five girls at once, and he leans back on the leather couch while they crawl all over him.

Guys Gone Wild

I am dead serious when I tell you 90 percent of all the men who come to the club try to get a girl to leave with them—to go to a regular club for a drink or somewhere else to have sex. And I'd say 1 in 5 dancers ends up dating a customer. There are girls who perform on Broadway or are working on PhDs...but some are gold diggers looking for a sugar daddy. This one dude bought a girl diamond earrings every month for a year. They were even engaged for a while, but I heard they've broken up. The customers are as diverse as the dancers are. The young guys—especially ones who are part of a bachelor party—sit in the front and do shots. We get a lot of men in their late 20s who blow $1,000 on drinks and dances, whether they can afford it or not. But of course, the banker types and rock stars spend the most. They easily drop $2,000 on dances and then give the girl an extra $2,000 as a tip. Lately, I've noticed women coming in before they get boob jobs to
check out the merchandise. The daughter of a famous TV producer who's now on a reality show came in
and asked all the girls about size, shape, sensitivity, and recovery time. We usually don't let people touch, but we let that rule slide for her. I try to be friendly with the customers. It's a relationship-based business, so I learn a lot about them. I know many are married and are seeking the undivided attention they never get at home. Some guys come here to show off in front of their friends and the other rich dudes in the room. It makes them feel important to know that their money can buy beautiful women. And then there are the geeks who never get this close to a sexy chick in real life. The lap dances make up for all the times they get rejected by girls in regular clubs. Here, you see, any man with cash in hand can be king.

Now that you know what happens inside the strip club, keep reading to find out four signs that your man is misbehaving...

Most guys don't jump at the chance to shop for groceries, stop at the drugstore, or pick up the dry cleaning.
So if he suddenly offers to help out, he may be using it as an excuse to get out of the house—to cheat, to gamble, or to do God knows what else.

2. When He's at a Ball Game

It sounds innocent, but not always: Sporting events sometimes involve hours of tailgating and more beers at a bar afterward, either to celebrate a win or grieve a tough loss. This could lead to drunk-flirting with the cute girl on the stool next to him.

3. When He's Reconnecting Online

A man who's glued to his Facebook or MySpace page may be doing more than getting in touch with old high-school buddies. These sites provide a sneaky and convenient way to hook up with exes and meet new potential love interests—all password-protected.

4. When He's Trying to Cheer Up a Friend

If one of his boys gets dumped by his girl-friend or loses his job, your guy might see it as his duty to take him out to a bar and distract him with lots of beautiful women and shots of tequila.