Saturday, May 2, 2015

Radioskit

A Meeting of the Constitutional Freedoms
And Rights Taskforce.

Chairman: All right if everyone has a beer
now, I would like to call this meeting of the Constitutional Freedoms and
Rights Taskforce to order. (Banging gavel) First order of business I guess
would be what kind of antics are we planning for the next meeting of the Zoning
Board?

Arnie: Objection! I object to the word
“antics” and demand it be stricken from the record.

Crazy Dave: We don’t have a record Arnie,
and if we did it would be you taking it, seeing as how you’re the Secretary. So
strike away, old fellow.

Arnie: What? What’s Dave talking about?
When did I get to be the Secretary?

Chairman: You… were unanimously voted
Secretary at the last meeting.

Arnie: But I wasn’t at the last meeting!

Crazy Dave: Well Mr. Secretary, that’s why
you should attend the meetings.

Professor Pete: Point of Order, Mr.
Chairman. Robert’s Rules dictate that each speaker be recognized in turn by the
Chair.And might I suggest we confine
our comments to those pertinent to the agenda?

Chairman: OK Pete, duly noted. Let’s take
turns talkin’ and please try to
confine your comments. Remember what happened at the last meeting.

Crazy Dave: I do not.

Chairman: I don’t doubt that, Dave. Which
is why we are going to try to stick to the two beer limit tonight. Yes, Arnie?

Arnie: I refuse to raise my hand for
recognition by a Chairman, or any other pseudodictatorial ---

Chairman: Arnie you just raised your hand
to say that you refuse to raise your hand.
Arnie: It’s demeaning. I refuse to show my supplication by demonstrating that I
am unarmed and helpless with my open palm.

Chair: Well Arnie is there an alternate
form of signaling that you would find less oppressive?

Crazy Dave: We could just nod.

Chair: Would that be OK Arnie? Could we all
nod like equals? Seeing you are nodding I’ll take that as a yes. All in favor
of nodding signify by nodding…Pete you aren’t nodding…

Professor Pete: I would prefer to continue
to raise my hand.

Chair: All right all in favor of either
nodding or raising your hand signify by nodding or raising your hand. Ok,
everyone? Great. Really getting somewhere now.

Crazy Dave: It’s already much better than
the last meeting.

Chair: So let’s go on to, let’s call it,
“ways we can get our message across” at the next meeting of the zoning board.

Arnie: We should fly the Libertarian Flag.
It’s the ultimate symbol of our Constitutional freedom to be free from
governmental overreach.

Crazy Dave: What does it look like?

Arnie: It is completely blank, symbolizing
our total disdain for pagan symbols, which the government uses to control us,
and take away our rights.

Crazy Dave: And our guns.

Arnie: And our guns.

Chair: So… it’s completely white?

Arnie: Yes. It is without the stain of
branding or allegiance to any special
interests.

Professor Pete: Are you suggesting we
arrive carrying a white flag?

Dave: Yeah, that might kind of send the
wrong signal.

Pete: Studies show that nothing works
better than a simple placard with a sharply worded synopsis of one’s position.

Crazy Dave: A what?

Chair: A sign, Dave.

Crazy Dave: Oh that’s a great idea! I saw
one the other day that had a snake holding a shotgun and it said (In deep
voice) “Don’t Tread On Me”. We should get one of those.

Arnie: No, our signs should just say End
Government Overreach. In red letters.

Crazy Dave: With a snake?

Arnie: No, Dave, not with a snake. That
doesn’t make sense. End Government Overreach and then a picture of a snake? It
doesn’t make sense.

Crazy Dave: Which is why it has to say:
“Don’t Tread On Me”. Everyone knows that means stay away from my
constitutionally guaranteed Rights and Freedoms.

Pete: Actually those would both be subject
to considerable subjective interpretation. I suggest a slogan that makes reference
to the octopus like encroachment of the Military Industrial Complex on the
regulations and institutions that govern our everyday lives, and the ever
increasing surveillance of American Citizens and other encroachments on our
rights and privacies, alongside the inevitable police state that ensures our
unwitting compliance to our own enslavement.

Arnie: Oh yeah, that’s pretty snappy.

Crazy Dave: Let me see you fit that on a T
shirt.

Arnie: It has to be something short and
angry.

Crazy Dave: Like “Don’t Tread On Me”.

Arnie: Nobody says “Tread” anymore.

Crazy Dave: What about a tire tread, dude?

Arnie: That’s totally different. Your Tread
means “step”.

Crazy Dave: Yeah, well that’s where the car
steps, man.

Pete: Point of Order Mr. Chairman, I think
this is a good example of the discussion running away from the Agenda.

Chair: Yeah, OK I have an idea. Everyone just make his own
sign. In fact keep your signs secret until the night of the meeting. Ok?
Everyone nodding or raising his hand? Great. Next order of business is, in fact,
T shirts. Um here is the box. We just got them from the print shop today. Now
we couldn’t fit the entire name on the T shirt, Constitutional Freedom and
Rights Task Force is a little long, so we used the acronym. We are the… C-F…A-R-T.

Crazy Dave: C Fart?

Arnie: Oh boy.

Pete: Ill considered acronyms are often a
mortal blow to an incipient organization.

Chair: I just have to refer back to the two
beer rule here.

Crazy Dave: C-Fart?

Arnie: Why did we use the A for “and”? At
least then it would be C-F-R-T. You never give “And” a letter! It’s an
insignificant word! You don’t give a letter to “Of” or “The” or..or..”Or”!