Life Goes On

Another sorry tale from the annals, back from January 2015.*

A somewhat soul-searching start to a thursday morning.

It all began with a triple-shot cappuccino. The problem of being a monosyllabic retard redressed, Stavros' wisdom in his Easyjet brochure sprang instantly to mind. Thereisnosuchthingasafreelunch. Meaning that on top of being woken the hell up, said amount of caffeine has a side effect of shifting everything through your system. Fast. To call it a side-effect is a bit unjust. It's an effect.

HealthyStuff is like being in someone's living room. It's got that homely feel to it, unsurprisingly it's the kind of place that gets pram-heavy, but it's resolutely not the kind of place you drop the kids off in. And yet somehow three shots of caffeine removes all choice from the equation.

The pram-brigade not yet arrived, asides from a biddy in the corner enjoying history's most over-brewed cup of tea, i was on my own. Having paid for my coffee and asked if i could duck into the loo, i then emerge fourteen minutes later. Walking back past the bar where the Finnish chick owner is having an in-depth conversation on the merits of activated almonds with some australian dude made exclusively out of hemp, she clocks me.

The look on her face can be broken down into 3 key stages:

1. You're still here? I thought you'd left ages ago.

2. Oooh, you've been in the toilet.

3. Oh.

This is where the soul-searching comes in.

Separated by a hair's breadth of plasterboard, that loo can't be more than 2 feet away from where she spends six hours a day busting out Lifesaver smoothies or frothing up babyccinos for the little ones. It's a violation of all sorts of stuff. It was plainly there, in the lines of the consternation etched onto her face. Yes i felt two stone lighter, but my heart was heavy. How do you come back from that. I'm not sure i can go back there for a fucking while. Probably not until i have kids of my own. Which now i'll be sure to take with me when i leave. Both sets of them.

There's a moral in this story. There's a certain sort of business that needs handling before you leave the house in the morning. Or more aptly put, buy your food in departures before you get on the flight. That way you won't have to pay Stavros six quid for a packet of mini cheddars.