It was the end of the day when the officer parked his big yellow police van in front of the station.
As he was gathering his equipment, his K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and it was then that the officer spotted the little red haired boy staring at him.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," the policeman replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at the officer and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

balloons, but only on a Friday. That was because the 'Biggest Balloon Factory' always gave away the surplus stock they had on a Friday, so they could start making fresh 'biggest balloons' again on a Monday ...

"that's not George Dixon who was based at Dock Green is it" ? "Certainly is" replied the constable.
" My goodness ! he married my cousin, I had heard he was hoping to get a transfer back to Lancashire".

he found it very difficult to perform a recovery, in fact he did more harm than good by just barking and barking causing the Homygoolie to panic more - but rescue was on its way in the form of an old pit pony that was grazing along the canal bank ...

...the old pit pony was very smart, even after spending many years underground, so he backed up to the canal and hung his tail into the water, whereupon the Homygoolie bird grabbed it and his life was saved...

...everybody cheered....they were so thankful to the old pit pony so they awarded him the key to the town....which opened every door that was important....the old pit pony was about to make a speech when....

suddenly out of the sky appeared a very large bird, similar in appearance to Homygoolie but with certain parts of its anatomy missing !
Upon closer examination when it landed, it was indeed the female equivalent of the Homygoolie bird.
Everyone cheered and clapped with excitement, Her Majesty stepped forward and granted both birds royal protection, the Duke said that they would take both birds back to London and they would live in the grounds of Buckingham Palace - "Neigh Neigh you cawn't do that" shouted the pit pony "these birds are Wigan birds not London birds" .....

However as they headed for Wutchy Ruckk storm clouds started to appear in the distance. They decided to change direction and headed for UpHolland, as they neared the village of UpHolland they saw Dean Wood with the golf course alongside. That would make a smooth landing place for us chirped Homygoolie "yes" said Homypussy "and we could raise a family in the woods".

The posh accent was hereditary since the new born Homicuckoo bird had not had time to attend uni. So, as the media gathered around it the question was, from which parent did the Homicuckoo bird get it's posh accent...?

Not only was its posh accent a surprise, but when it produced a Samsung Galaxy S5 from under its right wing and started to take photographs of the assembled media and appeared to be emailing them, then the media were totally flummoxed.

...and so the Homicuckoo bird jumped onto the back of the old pit pony which then galloped away into the distance after depositing a pile of manure on the canal bank. 'Phew,' cried the media and Her Majesty passed out with the smell. Whereupon...

Aggie Gray who lived very close by, ran along the canal bank with a bucket and shovel and scooped the manure up. The Duke of Edinburgh seeing this shouted "I say old girl, what are you going to do with that manure" ?
Aggie replied in her best posh Wigan accent "am goin put it on me rhubarb".
To which the Duke retorted "You are going to put it on your rhubarb ? in Buckinham Palace we put custard on our rhubarb"

Arriving at the palace she was complimented on her hat. "Ne'then young feller these ere fithers come off a homygoolie bird. Fished um ewt ot cut. Thas sin nowt like it bifoor. Tell thi what I'll sell um to thi later on." So a bargain was struck......

Following Prince Harry's compliments others had noticed the hat and soon there was quite a long queue outside the ladies (not for the usual reason) but to see the wonderful feathers. There was much pushing and shoving when Aggie emerged leading to....

naw why dont ya all sit thee sels down on we con tawk abawt what this palaver is al abawt.
With that, most of the 'ladies' had a comical puzzling look on there faces, but they sat down.
No sooner had they got settled when suddenly a loud distinguished voice announced "His Royal Highness Prince Charles" - with that they all (with the exception of Aggie) jumped up and started to courtsey as Charlie entered the room.

dusnt need to bow down an scrape to anyone has allers bin Aggies seyin.

From the look on Charles face, he was not pleased. In fact he showed his displeasure by whispering to one of the courtiers which resulted in Aggie being escorted out of Buckingham Palace and told not to return .....

speaking about her as being famous, in fact down at the laundromat last weekend a woman was heard to say "urs as famous as Billy" and when one of the other women said "who the bloody hell is Billy" - the reply came in harmony from two women "Billy Boston of course".

to most folk - but word has it that Jemmy Pullaver the well known rag n bone man who originally came from scholes but is now living somewhere near Billinge has got both the the homygoolie and the homypussy in a disused barn, he is hoping to breed from them ....

that was how you could tell which were homygoolies and which were homypussys. He asked Ivor Knackeroff the local vet if that could be the way to sex the chicks. Ivor scratched his bald head and consulted Dr Google who couldn't cast any light on the subject. So Jemmy decided to go down to the pub for a few pints and ask his mates.
Owd Ben who was a legend in his own head, said that when he wur a lad they used to sex chicks by shaking them, if they rattled they were boys, if they didn't they were girls.

and it came to pass that when Jemmy shook the striped chicks, they rattled and the spotted ones did not...and verily he was so confused at this stage that he sold the blo--y lot and bought some pigeons. Unfortunately he bought them via th'internet and when they arrived....some were striped and some were spotted...

But it wasn't long before the chicks started to chirp in harmony and Jemmy thought he could hear the occasional word, he listened carefully and slowly but surely he made out the words - "Oh, say! can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming;
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight"
My goodness they were singing the national anthem of the U.S.A.

asked Bill (who was still wearing the same shirt he had on when he got married 45 years ago).
Wi cornt have that kind o language rowned ere tuday, cos American ambassador is supposedly cumin - itll bi reported int Wigin Observer that wur prejudished.

Having heard the Homygoolie bird saying how he had enjoyed visiting the US Jemmy decided to put his singing pigeons on the internet and make a fortune. There was little response until he videoed them and then.....

!....Come on You Warriors"!The lights were so bright that people thought it was Saturday already, when actually it was still Friday night. Max the mascot was completely dazzled and fell over his own feet.
The crowd roared as Budgie Burgess won the game.
Poor old Max was Stretchered off. So who could be the mascot at the Superleague Final???
Could it be the mighty Homygoolie bird?

Betty a big black crow that liked pie and a pint or two. so they flew into the pub and the bar tender said... as he turned on the telly behind the bar It is time to watch the magic round about.and Brian said...

..Santa had completed his rounds all over the country with the dragon bird in the lead and directing Santa and his reindeer to all the good boys and girls wot deserved lovely toys....or did they?......

But what was not known, was that Dragonbird was not a true pedigree !
Dragonbird was a crossbreed, which would soon become apparent ...
When it was suspected that Dragonbird had died, the final resting place of the carcass was atop a pyre.
Dragonbird was set to be cremated !
However, as the flames started to engulf Dragonbird and tears started to flow from those witnessing the event - suddenly out of the flames and smoke arose ---------------------
A Phoenix
Dragonbird was indeed half Dragonbird and half Phoenix.
The reincarnation of the Phoenix was complete as the Phoenix flew to and landed on the branch of a nearby Oak tree ...

All was quiet, then suddenly another bird landed in a tree close by, it was a Partridge and the tree was a Pear tree.
So the Phoenix in the Oak tree had the company in an adjacent tree of a Partridge in a Pear tree

...the Phoeridges and Partrenixes attacked them, quite viciously. They flew at their heads and brought blood...the shooters ran for their lives into the cover of the trees, but to no avail, the Phoeridges and Partrenixes found them and bit and slashed at them until the shooters no longer could walk.It was an amazing assault by birds on people and the newspapers the next day were full of the story...

So the statue of shoppers was erected and built from marble and placed in the market square for all to see. As is usual with statues, birds tend to land on them and one quiet Sunday morning there was seen to approach the statue from the direction of Haigh Hall a beautiful bird. It landed on the statue and it was indeed a.....

....beautiful dragonbird, it preened and fluttered its beautiful feathers in the Wigan sunshine to great effect. People were pleased to see one again, however some were not owing to what it did to the glowing marble statue. So it was decided to....

...cover the statue with a net to prevent the dropping of droppings onto the beautiful statue. BUT everyone loved the Dragonbird and some wanted to adopt this lovely creature for posterity in Wigan, but there was one councillor that....

...which turned out to be Orrell. This councillor was very arrogant and cocksure and upset a lot of his fellow members in council. He would raise his voice in objection to many motions that were put to the floor, just to hear his own voice.

deal with this Harry Arbuckle - i've heard so much about him, how he arrives late for meetings and opens his mouth just to let his tongue waver in the breeze.
I've also heard, but this is only a rumour, that his love for a tipple or three of whiskey is equally matched for his love, or should I say lust for the wife of the local preacher.
But I should stress, this is only rumour, but as they say 'where there's smoke, there's fire' !

....noticing two of them seemed to be in control of a silent swooping flying thing (a radio controlled glider) this unnatural large winged being scared him so much he turned and headed back to suburbia. Having been so scared he became disorientated and soon found himself in unfamiliar surroundings which he didn't like the look of....

....adopt the dragon bird as mascot for their RL team. Following the persuasion of the bird to agree all seemed to be settled. The Dragonbird having no conception of the rivalries between neighbouring teams little knew of the trouble this could cause....

splash, the Dragonbird landed in the water....The fish jumped clear of the surface, the other water birds flew away, squawking, and the park attendant jumped up off the bench where he had been reading the 'Sun' and yelled at the Dragonbird in a very loud voice, "Oi,!! you!!"........

Dragonbird (using its beak) removed its passport from a previously hidden pocket under its right wing. When the passport was opened, it was there for all the world to see, next to the part which states 'Sex' was the the word 'Fe/Male' so the question remains 'is Dragon bird a Female or a Male' ?????

Heeheehee gasped the Dragonbird as it chased the unfortunate parkie. "I can be what I want to be when I want to be. I am one of those species able to breed without help from others of my ilk". What will happen when Dragonbird catches up with the parkie?.....

...as the Dragonbird flew at the Comanches, he screeched and yelled like a banshee in heat. The Indians had never seen a British Dragonbird before and the men ran for their very lives, the women screamed in fear and the horses bolted. The children burst into tears and then an old Comanche chief jumped UP and said, "ENOUGH!!!"...

....sing the most wonderful song of the ages....his voice was so melodic....everyone immediately stopped and listened....the dragon bird could not believe what he was hearing....he started to fly around to the melody...his feathers changed colour in the afternoon sun.......

....a little boy stepped forward from the crowd....in his hand was a beautiful carving of a creature that looked just like the Dragonbird ...painted with beautiful colours ...the little boy held it up to the Chief and smiled...the Chief smiled back....it seems that Dragonbirds have been part of the history of the tribe for ever .......but the question stil remained.......

... did the Dragonbird secretly know this fact or was it sent there by some subconscious feeling. It sat there and wondered quietly to itself. Then it realised that the tribe adored it and worshipped it. Food and drink was brought from a nearby teepee and placed in front of it and all the people in the tribe backed away in reverence.' I must be a God' thought the Dragonbird. 'Wow', it thought, but...

...and so it came to pass, verily, that the Dragonbird ate a final, large meal of bacon and eggs, waved a final goodbye to the Commanches, checked the compass was working alright and set a course for Red Rock...

...and, SO, after eating all the blackberries in the Haigh area, he flew over all the green and white rocks at the top of the hill and pooped until his little botty was red...and so were the rocks. It was Red Rock once again....

A weird looking object quite close to the council offices. Hmm he thought I could really do something to improve that. So taking very careful aim he plastered the top with white gave it nice red rosy cheeks and a bright green scarf round its neck. Turning round as he flew off he was well satisfied that he had given the 'face' some character.

...the dragonbird was just out of sight when an elderly lady came shuffling past the now gaudy looking object...by the crin she said...what happened here...she looked around for the culprit but there was no one in sight...when suddenly round the corner came.....

Around the corner came an old Morris 1000, all the windows were wound down, an elderly lady was driving, a corgi dog occupied the front passenger seat, lots of cardboard boxes occupied the back seats and the sound of Frankie Vaughan singing about a green door came blaring out of the radio ...

The old lady in the Morris 1000 was initially shocked when the load of Lotto tickets and Blackpool rock was dumped on her car, but then she realised that the tickets were for the draw to be made in 2 days time ...

Christmas came and went, just like it does every year 😀 - and New Years Eve and day also did the same 😈 - as February was coming to an end and the cold weather combined with gale force winds was starting to get dragon bird depressed, suddenly dragonbird got a bright idea !

I need a holiday on the continent, the brochures showing holidaymakers enjoying sunny beaches appealed, yes I think I will go for a fortnight on the continent, but where exactly should I go to ???

Dragon bird finally chose a resort on the island of Mallorca but how to get there he mused. Should he fly all the way stopping at places when he was feeling tired or hitchhike. It would take some organising whichever way.

As he flew across France he landed close to Barcelona and there in the distance was Mallorca. He was exhausted by this time so hitched a ride on a departing ship. Approaching the island, he realised that....

As a youngster many many, moons ago he had been deported from Mallorca because of some misdemeanor he had committed. He just hoped that the local police and immigration officials didn't recognize him. He wondered what he could do to disguise himself.

...he lay on the beach in the sunshine until his feathers dried out. This took a few days and luckily no one recognised him, this time, so feeling lucky, after his feathers were completely dry, he flew off and .....

As Dragonbird made some low level swoops over Cuevas del Drach he thought to himself 'my goodness I am not sure if I have distant relatives here or not, but I wouldn't mind staying here for a few weeks' then Dragonbird spotted the entrance to one of the famous caves - I must take a look inside ......

Dark and cool, these 4 large limestone caves on the edge of Porto Cristo have become one of Mallorca's top tourist sights, and Dragonbird was walking through the caves when he suddenly spotted his cousin, from Leigh.

Larry from Leigh? Is that you?, cried the Dragonbird.

"Yes, it is me," replied Larry...but beware, THEY are out to get you....

Continually fly high in the sky then 'dive bombing' the police station chanting (in a very loud voice) "2 4 6 8 10 who do we appreciate WIGAN"
To say the police were not impressed was an understatement - in fact they considered using a shotgun to stop Dragonbirds antics .......

...will somebody please ring the dragonbird catcher...he has a special flying contraption that may just bring this bugger down....I have had enough of this bird's antics...it is about time it was put in the Naughty Cage...pooing whilst flying is not allowed....so the constable phoned the dragonbird catcher ...he got through ..but was first told to do one thing before the catcher got there ...he had too....

...Lizzie was shocked at the note ...all she could see was the dragonbird worrying all the native birds ...out screeching the Cockatoos and out howling the dingos ....nope no way would she sponser this reached creature...it would have to stay put...no amount of pleading by nice Wigan menfolk that had emigrated to New Zealand would shift her decision ...so think again ...maybe take a different view of the whole situation....meanwhile the dragonbird was nifftily caught and put in the naughty cage ....while a large gathering of Wigan dignitaries put their heads together to find a way of dealing with this situation....The a mobile rang.....

...sorry you have been misinformed ...your cousin is in the naughty cage but has been rejected for immigration to down under ...er...Australia....the reason being the obvious.....we are thinking of actually moving the naughty creature up to the Isle of Skye ...we would like to have some family member to be a companion in the move...what do you think of the idea....

By this time the swan had reached Red Rock and was swimming nicely along when the newly arisen Dragonbird landed on the towpath."You are a good looking bird" cried the Dragonbird."Can you teach me how to swim like that?"