Toddler being rude at Nursery

He goes to Nursery 2 days per week and both days this week they have pulled me aside to say he has been rude to staff, not listened when being asked to do things and been quite belligerent this week. He's usually quite well behaved at nursery so they mentioned it as its so out of character for him.

He can be a handful at home, doesn't listen, standard toddler tantrums if he doesn't get his own way and up until now we've been trying to stay firm in making sure he knows its not acceptable to scream (my god the scream puts your teeth on edge) and wail when he doesnt get his own way, if he carries on we take things away (a trip to costa, a treat etc) and it does seem to work but it upsets him and I am not sure if he's old enough to understand why we wont let him have an ice lolly etc. I always explain why, e.g No DS I cant let you have an ice lolly because you were rude to me / pushed me etc.

Are there other ways to address this behaviour? I don't want him being rude to people, especially when I am not there to counter it immediately.

What about more immediate consequences? Mine is 4, but I think she would struggle to regulate her behaviour if we said, 'if you do this, then you won't get to go to Costa later.' What we did from about 2 that has worked really well was giving her time to sit out and calm down and then talk about what happened, then ask her to fix what she did wrong, say sorry, make sure whoever was okay, etc. and whatever consequences there were were immediate ones. Really though I think it was the chance to calm down and talk about what happened that really did it. It reinforced certain expectations of behaviour and did so calmly, without us getting upset or shouting, etc. Also, what is nursery doing to handle his behaviour? They should have their own processes and be able to tell you how they deal with these things and be willing to work with you to address them in a similar way.

I work in a nursery and this is my least favourite time of the yearWe are trying to organise a hundred and one that NHS at the moment, trip to the pantomime, nativity play, parties, sing a longs, make cards and decorations to name but a fewThere are also a hundred and one viruses going around and everyone is cranky and bad tempered, and that's just the staff

The staff at my daughter's nursery also mentioned this is difficult time of year. A lot of the children are ill or post viral. Anecdotally I've observed more meltdowns at drop off. Its out of character for him and 2 full days is perfect for a 2 year old (imo).I wouldn't worry. Going on about it might end up in a self fulfilling prophecy he is naughty at nursery.

mindutopia thats a good point about giving him time to calm down. I often hold his hands if he's starting to kick off and count to 10 and it works sometimes.

The Costa thing worked. We go to a club at the weekend and always go to Costa afterwards. This one day he was ignoring us and his coaches, screaming and running off during the games. I told him eventually that if he screamed again he wouldnt be going to Costa. He screamed (of course) and we didnt go to Costa. He hasnt forgotten that, the following week we said to him that we didnt want any screaming and running off because what would happen? And he replied 'we dont go to Costa' so I am pretty sure he understands.

It's more that its out of character and i am not there to see the issues so therefore not sure if me trying to then discipline him after the event is really helpful or not?

The Nursery manage it by putting them in time out and explaining why and letting me know at the end of the day. Yesterday he came home and apologised to me for being rude before.

When my 3 year old has been naughty at nursery I do talk to him about it afterwards but just in a 'it's more fun when you listen isn't it' sort of way, focusing on what he should do the next day, rather than turning it into another punishment at home which I think is OTT.

He's only 2 - that type of behaviour would not be unusual for many 2 year olds - as he matures he should calm down a bit and become more reasonable. Obviously try your best to teach him the right way to behave but I fine it strange that the nursery don't take this in their stride. At such a young age I'd mainly focus on distracting him when he gets annoyed.