So, you’ve been really good and managed to reduce or abstain from gambling for a few months or even years. You’ve attended regular appointments with your gambling harm counsellor; taken up a new hobby; continued to talk to people you trust; kept away from your usual gambling haunts; exercised regularly; and maybe even started a journal to write down your feelings. But then the holiday season happened, and your gambling relapsed.​Relapse happens, but it’s not a reason to despair. It can be treated as a learning opportunity and an opportunity for change. Typically, January and February are very busy times of the year for our service, with new and existing clients contacting us for help. So, we asked some of our counsellors the main reasons people relapse during the holiday season; and what you can do to support your own recovery.

1. Family, home and work pressures.

The needs of family and the pressures of work and/or home life leading up to Christmas can feel like an impossible tug-of-war. On top of this, we may feel pressured to see people whom we wouldn’t normally see and feel judged for having debt or a gambling problem. Feelings can build up like a pressure cooker that needs a release, and at these times gambling to escape can seem like a powerful relief.

What you can do?​Believe in yourself and your recovery. Practice positive self-talk and watch your self-judgement and resentment towards others. Feelings are not facts – listen to the facts: there may be valid reasons to leave some tasks until after the holidays; there may be valid excuses to not visit some people. Talk to people you trust and let go of people who are not supportive of your recovery.

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2. Financial pressures.

It is common for people to see gambling as a way to provide financially, especially around Christmas when there is added pressure to buy presents. We often see people who may have had a big win and feed their winnings back into the pokie machine or place bigger bets in the hope of buying bigger and better gifts for more people. This is a big motivator that typically only occurs during Christmas when there’s an urgency for gifts.

What you can do?​There is no quick fix, so try to live within your means. Before getting a loan, consider seeing a budget advisor. Many loan sharks charge exorbitant interest rates and high fees, meaning a $2000 loan could end up costing you over $5000; that is, if you pay it back on time. We don’t recommend loan sharks and if you use your credit card, try to consider how long it will take you to pay it back. There are some great ideas or ways to give meaningful gifts for little or no cost, i.e. make a craft, food, or gift a voucher for your time, such as babysitting. Avoid giving money or gambling products as a gift to someone who gambles; instead give them a gift voucher as an alternative.

3. Lack of routine.

Some clients told us that they relapsed during the holiday break because of a lack of a normal routine. Having extra free time on your hands, could mean there is more time to think about gambling and feed into those old urges and habits. If you pair this with an already tense home life or difficult family relationships, this could increase your urge to gamble. ​What you can do? Plan your days so they are supportive of your recovery and maybe include a social activity. Keep yourself busy: listen to music, visit a friend, do a crossword, look for new ideas and be willing to try other things instead of gambling. Seriously consider self-exclusion from your regular gambling venues or an app or website-blocking software to block online gambling.

4. No access to counselling and a lack of support.

Some clients told us that they relapsed during the holidays and felt more depressed because they didn’t have access to their usual counsellor. Feeling like you have no one to talk to can contribute to gambling relapse, so it is important to make connections with people, communities and organisations who can offer that support when your regular counsellor isn’t available.

​What you can do? Have a list of people you trust and can talk to as part of your recovery plan. Stay in touch with supportive people; attend regular self-help meetings, if possible, and make new friends. Ask for ongoing support. PGF Services duty counsellor service allows people to speak directly to a counsellor when they call our 0800 number, and during the holiday season we had counsellors available on non-statutory days. The Gambling Helpline is a 24-hour, 7 day a week service which you can also call on statutory holidays.

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5. Isolation and loneliness.

People often start gambling as a way to escape loneliness. Gaming venues and casinos are seen as a good place to meet new people and socialise. During the holiday season a lack of routine and being away from work, can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation as you watch others going to family events or celebrating together; and loneliness is a significant trigger to relapse. This trigger was also especially true for people who had migrated to New Zealand and felt isolated and alone during the holiday season. Many migrants wanted to know what a New Zealand Christmas was all about, and places like the casino offered a safe place to socialise, as well as Christmas themed promotions.

What you can do? Stay away from your old gambling venues and gambling buddies and seriously consider self-exclusion. Find other things to do with your time and make new friends. Some suggestions: join a sports team, volunteer and help others, go to a cultural event, join the gym, find a church or religious community, take an art class. If you are looking for new social connections there are ‘meet up’ apps that link people with similar interests, such as walking groups or movie nights. You may also choose to try a GA (Gamblers Anonymous) meeting. These groups are available all year round and usually don’t close over the Christmas period.

6. Casino promotions.

During the holiday season the casino offers a lot of holiday themed promotions. They have daily promotions where you just have to be at the casino to win, and while there, people could be tempted to gamble. VIPs get treated as special by the casino and are given gifts at Christmas time. One of our clients told us that a lot of places are closed over Christmas, but the casino is always open all night, even on Christmas day.

​What you can do? Unsubscribe from promotional emails sent to you by the casino. Make plans with friends or family and again consider self-exclusion from the casino.

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Small lapses or full relapses happen; and we can’t change what happened, but we can use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. It’s worth thinking about: What led you to think about and plan to gamble again? What did you try to do to stop yourself? What worked and what didn’t? There is always a point when the pressure rises to a place when you think “stuff it – this is too hard” (or stronger language!), so what steps can you take next time to prevent these pressures from overwhelming you?

All you can do is keep taking small steps forward and enjoy today. Keep talking to the people you trust and believe in yourself and your recovery. Allow yourself to celebrate being free from gambling harm!​To make an appointment or talk to one of our counsellors call 0800 664 262 or email help@pgf.nz

Author

Bridgitte Thornley is the National Director Counselling Services and Public Health Support at PGF Services. For more information or to contact us about this blog please email kaitchison@pgf.nz.

​Diwali is the Hindu festival of lights, celebrated every year in late October or early November. This year, thousands of Hindus and people from different religions celebrated across New Zealand, but what many people may not know is that Diwali has a deep-seated tradition that includes gambling.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Diwali is a five-day celebration where people worship the goddess of wealth Lakshimi, and the god of knowledge Ganesha, often by buying gold, silver and other precious goods. The celebration includes lighting up their homes with diyas (clay lamps), decorating their homes, spending time with loved ones, praying, indulging in delicious Diwali sweets, letting off fireworks, and engaging in the age-old tradition of gambling.

Traditionally, Diwali places great importance on wealth, and gambling during Diwali is thought to be lucky for Hindus. Hindu folklore tells the story of the Indian goddess, Parvati, who played a game of dice against her husband Lord Shiva, and won, after which Lord Shiva decreed that whomever gambled on Diwali night will be prosperous.

For many, gambling during Diwali is just a bit of fun, but for those who struggle with harmful gambling it can be difficult to maintain abstinence from gambling during the festive season. If you’re struggling with harmful gambling after the festive season, you may wish to talk to someone about your gambling.

ASHA is a free and confidential service, with trained counsellors who are available to support anyone impacted by harmful gambling – that includes the person gambling and anyone else who is impacted by that person’s gambling. ASHA counsellors speak Hindi and Punjabi and provide culturally appropriate support for the South Asian population in New Zealand. Call 0800 862 342 or email help@asianfamilyservices.nz.

Author

The Problem Gambling Foundation (PGF) is pleased to announce a brand new service which will allow people in need of help to speak directly to a counsellor when they call the 0800 number.

The new duty counsellor service will be launched this August and will mean that a trained and professional counsellor will answer the phone Monday to Fridays from 8.30am to 5.00pm and can speak directly to anyone concerned about their own or someone else’s gambling.

Bridgitte Thornley, National Director of Counselling Services and Public Health Support, says that this is a game changer for people seeking help because they will no longer have to leave a message with an administrator or a voicemail and wait for someone to call them back.

“We often find that when people call us they are in a state of crisis and need to speak to a counsellor right away. If we can be there to help them when they really need it, hopefully we can get them on the road to recovery sooner,” she says.

The duty counsellors will also be monitoring an email address for people who prefer to seek help online.

“People who email us for help will receive the same support that they would get over the phone. We want to create as many ways for people to get help as possible, so if a person is more comfortable sending an email we are here to support them,” Bridgitte Thornley says.

PGF offers free, professional and confidential gambling counselling services for both gamblers and others affected by gambling.

People can contact PGF on 0800 664 262 to speak to a counsellor from Monday to Friday 8.30am to 5.00pm. Alternatively people can email dutycounsellors@pgf.nz.

Author

The following article is written by a PGF client who has kindly shared his story on how harmful gambling affected his life.​From the early days in Australia and that first big win, to rock bottom, to coming clean with family about his gambling and finally how he got help; J takes us on a journey though the darker days and how he found a way forward.

Thank you J for being brave enough to share your story.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard it, but it is the first time I’ve heard it since I stopped and forwhatever reason it rang out louder than before; “Nah I play the tables, slots are for losers!”If that is true then I’m a loser if not in truth, but by definition! This is just one of a multitudeof phrases used by ‘non-machine’ gamblers and it fails to acknowledge one simple fact –gambling is a poison irrespective of the form it takes and regardless of the pond you chooseto swim in, we are all on the same hook.​I should really start at the best place there is… the start. But - where is that? When did mygambling begin and more importantly – why? Many of you are connecting with what I havejust written for the simple reason that every spin, every black jack, every green zero on thisgame of roulette we play seems to overwrite the last. At some point we get lost in themouth of the monster and for those of us fortunate enough to be spat out, it can be hard totrace the path of devastation back to some sort of a beginning. What I do know is that mygambling started shortly after I relocated from New Zealand to Australia in 2008. Anotherphrase often bandied around is that Aussies ‘love a punt’ and if my experience is anything togo by, this is entirely the truth. You go to a sports club for a beer and a meal – pokie room inthe back. You sit for a coffee in a Melbourne café and oh, what’s that - pokie room in theback. You pop up to your local pub to grab a cold one after a hard day at work and surprisesurprise – pokie room in the back. In New Zealand I didn’t bother with the pokies, but then Isuppose I never really noticed them as they weren’t on my doorstep but it didn’t take longfor me to notice them in Australia; you’d have to walk around with your eyes closed not to.

Like anything you can probably trace any habit back to its ultimate origin. The smoker’s firstdrag. The drinker’s first sip. I can’t remember the first time I fed the demon a twenty but Ican tell you that much like the smoker and the drinker – my first time was not to be my last.​For a long time I felt as though I had a handle on my gaming. At first I probably did. Tooscared to show up the next day like those other ‘losers’ who appeared as though they werein some way part of the cabling keeping the machine alive. But then it happened. I had awin… not your usual twenty bucks here, fifty bucks there but a jackpot, with all its lights andmusical fanfare - and I walked away with a cool grand. I felt like the king of the room. Peoplewere detaching from their machines long enough to come and witness the spectacle, pattingme on the back as though I had actually achieved something worthwhile. I was overcome bya sensation of belonging, of achievement and reward. My whole body rushed from head totoe with excitement, much like the first taste of a powerful drug to an addict. And that’s thebait. Little did I know - I had just swallowed it whole.

Time went by and gradually, bit-by-bit but slowly enough that even those around me barelynoticed, my gambling increased. By early 2015 my internal monologue had becomeconcerned. I knew that my gaming couldn’t have been normal, if it was then why was Igetting payday loans? No sooner had the Angel on one shoulder started to steer me right,the Devil on the other convinced me that there was nothing to worry about. Everyone doesit, right? You earn good money and you don’t gamble every day so you’re fine – you workhard, you deserve it. If only the Devil’s apple hadn’t been so sweet.

In 2016 my partner and I relocated to New Zealand. It was in every way a fresh start and aonce in a lifetime opportunity to clear the small amount of debt we had and get ahead. Thebank consolidated our debt and if we played our cards right – we would be debt free withina year and well on our way to owning our first home. But it wasn’t just the two of us thatmoved home – my addiction had hitched a ride too. One of the first things I noticed when Igot back was that it was almost impossible to find a pub or sports club with a decent pokieroom. Bets were capped at $2.50 and you couldn’t win any more than $500 in one win (asidefrom the rare room jackpot, which was still less than a grand). That just won’t do – where isthe fun in that? But in Auckland, the pubs are far from your only gaming option and it didn’ttake me long to rally together a few friends for a casino night. This wasn’t out of theordinary and I was always ‘well behaved’ when gaming with others. In the first weekend atthe casino I walked out with over six grand in jackpots and once again, I got the rush.Everything I touched that weekend turned to gold and I felt as though I couldn’t lose. InAustralia I was a pub gambler… in New Zealand I had devolved into something much, muchmore destructive – I became a casino gambler.

Across the ensuing 18 months I had clocked up more debt than I ever had in my life. Myrelationships began to suffer as I strung together lie after lie to cover up my addiction andthe loans needed to feed it. Despite earning good money, I had to take on casual work justto make ends meet. Eventually the house of cards I had stacked to continue to hide mygambling started to look as though it was about to topple and once again, the Angel pipedup and said that it was time to confess what I had done – even if it came at the cost of myrelationships. The stress and pressure of the life I had created had become unbearable and it had become clear to me that I was no longer gambling with my money – but with my life.

​It’s funny how the universe listens, even when we don’t speak. It was no more than a fewweeks after I had made this realisation that my partner had stumbled on a loan accountsummary and confronted me with it. It was the opportunity that up until that moment, Ididn’t know I needed and I took it – I confessed. In the weeks that followed I endured manypainful confessions to the people around me that I love. In many cases, people I had lied toor deceived in some way. In all cases I was welcomed with open arms and an open heart.Some were surprised, some not so much but all were supportive and able to see strengththat was required to conquer this horrible illness. Our financial situation had been left intatters but something I came to realise in seeking advice is that there is always a wayforward, the road may be tough and may be winding but, there is always a way forward.I’m not sure what feels better, the fact that I haven’t gambled for three months, or the factthat I haven’t told a lie in three months. Either way, they both feel monumentally betterthan any jackpot I have ever won. This time, I won my life back – a little tattered in placesand not quite the same but; I have it back. I took the bait, swam to rock bottom – andwriggled off the hook.

Author

Have you ever wondered how Pasifika counselling works? What is 'culturally appropriate counselling'? How does it differ from traditional Western forms of counselling and why do Pasifika need a more culturally specific approach?

Mapu Maia is the Pacific Unit at the Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand and was set up in 2009 to provide a culturally appropriate service to effectively reduce the harm from gambling in the Pacific community. We asked Mapu Maia Counsellor and Health Promoter, Ben Langi to shed a little light on their approach to Pasifika counselling.

Past and present Mapu Maia whanau

1. What is culturally appropriate counselling for Pasifika people?

​To understand the nature of crisis or illness in a Pasifika person’s life, you must understand the concept of va. Literally va can mean ‘space’ – not the space that divides, but the space or relationships that connects. Health to Pasifika people is not just about the absence of illness (being unwell) but whether or not they are happy with their relationships with each other, with their family, with God and to the land and environment. Maintaining respectful relationships is a very important cultural belief throughout Pasifika culture. An individual’s health and well-being is dependent on a safe and balanced connection with others.

2. How does Pasifika counselling differ from traditional forms of counselling?

​Most traditional forms of counselling are based on Western philosophies, which focus on the ‘self’ and this is not harmonious with the Pasifika worldview. The Pasifika view is based on a holistic collective approach grounded in the notions of spirituality, connectedness and a complex set of inter-relationships between individuals, their families and their communities. These relationships are often supported through adhering to a set of core values and practices.

3. How do you incorporate Pasifika values into a counselling session?

Establishing rapport and trust with the family/client. This is best done by acknowledging them through the appropriate greeting and/or cultural reference. The cultural reference acknowledges the person’s/family’s position, status and mana. This must be done before any business or issue can be discussed.

Respect: Taking off your shoes, your tone of voice, the way you walk, stand, speak, are all ways the family/client can assess whether you are a respectful person (counsellor). In Pasifika cultures speaking while standing when others are seated is considered rude and disrespectful; when walking in front of people you should bow slightly (and Tongans say, “Tulou”); take off your shoes to show respect for someone’s space and home, and avoid extended eye contact with a client as it can be interpreted as a challenge. These are all good ways you can demonstrate respect when working with Pasifika clients.

Love: What families (clients) are most interested in is whether a counsellor has compassion and genuinely cares for them. This is more important than any academic qualifications a counsellor may have. A counsellor’s demonstration of genuine love and compassion is more likely to be trusted by the client than a counsellor who is really qualified and experienced but is perceived by the client as arrogant, rude and uncaring.

Inclusion: Ensuring that families, especially key people (elders, matai, chief, fahu) are included will help a counsellor by reinforcing the message, helping to monitor treatment progress and compliance. Not involving them can result in family members being a barrier to a counsellor's work.

Mapu Maia represent at the Growing Pasifika Solutions for Young People conference.

4. What should clients expect when they attend a counselling session with Mapu Maia?

Uplifting: Pasifika communities are proud and may view involvement with a gambling harm support service with a sense of shame. Stigma and shame have been identified as barriers to Pasifika peoples presenting for help to a gambling harm support service. Therefore, it is crucial that the engagement is uplifting, gives hope and encourages healing.

Attitude: The counselling space exists with the understanding that it will create warmth and compassion and that the counsellor has genuine care for the client. Our counsellors are non-judgmental, respectful, compassionate and flexible. These are the attitudes that convey genuine interest and respect, thereby contributing to a meaningful relationship.

Confidence: By instilling confidence and creating hope we begin to develop trust. The client and their family feel assured that the counsellor has the compassion and competence needed to help them navigate through this very difficult and often turbulent time.

Home visits: Many Pasifika clients and their families prefer home visits to being seen at a gambling harm support service. The social reality is that transport, parking, child care, shift work and shame, can all be barriers to Pasifika people attending an appointment.

Confidentiality: The counselling space is a safe space. Confidentiality and professionalism is guaranteed and in the best interests of the client and their family. Pasifika communities are relatively small and closely connected. It is important to reassure the client that what they share in a counselling session will be kept confidential. Stigma and shame associated with gambling continues to exist among Pasifika communities and there may be concern that information will be disclosed. Taking the time to explain confidentiality thoroughly and to stress that privacy covers all employees of the service can be invaluable. Also being very specific about who the information will and will not be shared with without the person’s consent can be reassuring to the family. The limits of confidentiality should also be discussed and checked for understanding.

Language: When working with Pasifika in the gambling harm support sector, there can be a challenge with translation and ensuring that concepts are understood. Misinterpretation and cultural misunderstanding can occur when engaging with Pasifika peoples who come from a culture unfamiliar with gambling terminology. While the majority of Pasifika peoples speak English, their comprehension can be limited. It is often helpful to check for correct understanding of meanings.

Mapu Maia with the Papatoetoe Youth Choir who performed the Pasifika opening ceremony at the International Gambling Conference 2016.

5. Why do Pasifika need a culturally appropriate form of counselling?

​Because effective intervention for Pasifika people is more than just the issue the client is presenting with. Issues can include life stressors, as well as historical, contextual and political struggles. So obtaining relevant and often sensitive information from Pasifika clients requires more than simply asking questions. It also entails connecting and engaging with them at a level that evokes hope, respect and a trusting relationship.

Author

Ben Langi is a counsellor and health promoter at Mapu Maia. He is Tongan born and moved to New Zealand in 1983. He has been working in the gambling harm sector for two-and-a-half years. Ben has a Bachelor’s Degree in Counselling and Diploma in Biblical Studies.​