Advice: I'm liberal with a Republican fetish. Is that creepy?

October 17, 2012|Anna Pulley, @annapulley | RedEye's sex columnist

I am afflicted with a persistent sexual fantasy that I'd rather not have. In recent years, I have developed a slightly unhinged attraction to Republicans. I'm your typical college-educated, urban-elitist lefty. I want saved whales, married gays and socialized everything. But when a cute girl tells me that Ronald Reagan is her personal savior, I am sent into a sexual frenzy. I feel it important to clarify what this bizarre fetish is not; it is not "hate [bleep]ing," nor is it one of those opposite-attracts, tension-filled things. It's much more of a role-playing thing, because in the fantasy I am right-wing too. I have sought out such women online, and I have behaved unethically by lying to them, but it really doesn't work without the lying.

I would never want to be in a real relationship with a Republican; it's just a sexual thing. My greatest fear is that on some level, what if I really have become the twisted persona I've created? Do you think there's an ethical way to indulge or express this fantasy that will not make nice, liberal girls (who are the kind I actually want to spend my life with) totally creeped out by me?

—GOP Luster

All relationships hinge upon a certain degree of manipulation (through things like subtle guilt trips, persuasion, Goldschlager) to get people to do things they wouldn't normally do. This sounds terrible, sure, but it isn't always as malicious as it seems. Being coerced by my girlfriend into watching "27 Dresses" isn't going to permanently scar me, though I am still waiting for the night terrors to subside. Pretending to be a Republican for sexual gain, however, is quite firmly in the realm of messed up.

For one, it's not role playing if the other person does not consent. And intentionally manipulating people, even those whose values you despise, isn't going to win you any sympathy points, not even from your beloved urban-elite lefties who love everyone and everything and put "coexist" bumper stickers on their shelter dogs.

Sometimes we eroticize what we fear—violence, cheating, Katherine Heigl—so it's quite possible that masturbating to Ann Coulter is your way of working out your fears, especially when your background and environment have been exclusively leftist. I wouldn't worry too much about becoming your alter-ego though. As long as your fetish stays in your erotic imagination and doesn't extend to the ballot box, you'll be fine. (Note: Don't forget to vote, people! Are you registered?)

But, seriously, it is creepy. Your options, if you want to be ethical about it, and it seems like you do, are either to keep your Republican fantasies strictly in the realm of fantasy, i.e. no more chat rooms, unless you find one called "Wal-Mart-loving, NRA-card-toting, conservative impersonators and the women who do them." Or, find a willing partner, who shares your desire for bi-partisan role-playing and is convincing enough to suspend your notions of disbelief. The root of your desire is power play, and that's something that can be totally replicated in a consensual way. Will it be strange to ask your next liberal partner to don a Sarah Palin bun and say "You betcha" during foreplay? Perhaps. But with a little practice and patience, you might find that version of the fantasy just as real and hot, like it's as easy as shooting wolves from a helicopter. Or however that expression goes.