(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She
then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since its so big she jams it into the
opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger
watching her.)

Mr. Treeger:: What are you doing?

Rachel: Ummm. Oh! Im sorry. (She grabs the box and offers him a piece.)
Its a little old but

Mr. Treeger:: No! Youre clogging up the chute that I spent a half-hour
unclogging!

Monica: God! If youre gonna cry about it! (She grabs the box and
goes to through it out.)

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Continued from earlier, Rachel is now telling everyone of
her experience in the garbage room.]

Joey: Whoa-whoa, Treeger made you cry?

Rachel: Yes! And he said really mean things that were only partly true.

Joey: Im gonna go down there and teach that guy a lesson.

Monica: Joey, please dont do that. I think its best that we just
forget about it.

Rachel: Thats easy for you to say, you werent almost just killed.

Joey: All right thats it, school is in session! (Exits and slams the
door.)

Monica: (Picking up a card from Chandlers wallet.) My God! Is this a gym
card?

Chandler: Oh yeah, gym member. I try to go four times a week, but Ive
missed the last 1200 times.

Ross: So why dont you quit?

Chandler: You dont think Ive tried? You think I like having
50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down
there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they
bring out Maria.

Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now,
youre gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the
landlord.

Mr. Treeger:: And tell him what?

Joey: Have you heard about a little something called, Not Making Girls Cry.

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah. Well maybe you have heard about the Rent Stabilization Act
of 1968!

Joey: I have actually not heard of that.

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, well your friends are in violation of it. Ive been a
nice guy up until now, but uh, I dont need this grief. Im gonna call the
landlord and tell him that Monica is illegally subletting here grandmothers
apartment. Your friends are outta here pal.

Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both
Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to
Ross) are you a member?

Ross: Me? No.

Gym Employee: Sorry, members only.

Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about
himself) I wanna quit the gym.

Ross: Its okay man, be strong. (Chandler goes into the office.)

Gym Employee: (to Ross) So, are you a member of any gym.

Ross: No! And Im not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.

Gym Employee: Okay, no problem. (To someone out of the picture) Could you come
here for a second?

(This gorgeous woman in spandex walks up)

Woman: Hi, Im Maria.

(Ross is at a loss for words.)

[Scene: Heeling Hands Inc., Phoebes work, she is giving a massage to the guy,
Rick, she likes.]

Rick: (looking at her feet) Wow, you have really pretty feet.

Phoebe: These old things.

Rick: Would you mind spending some time on my sciatic area, its been
killing me today.

Phoebe: You mean theOkay by sciatic, you mean the towel covered portion.

Rick: Yeah.

Phoebe: Sure, yeah, no I can do that, yeah, because umm, y'know, the muscles in
the sciatic area can get yknow, real (lifts up the towel) nice and tight. So umm,
tell me Rick, how umm, how did you injure the area.

Rick: Oh, a 16-hour sit-in for Greenpeace.

Phoebe: Oh. (She goes to work, and her head slowly drops out of view.)

Rick: Ow! Did you just bite me?

Phoebe: No!

[Scene: Mr. Treegers apartment, Joey is there to suck up.]

Mr. Treeger:: What?

Joey: Please dont kick Monica and Rachel out, this wasnt there
fault, it was mine.

Mr. Treeger:: You want me to kick you guys out instead?

Joey: No you cant do that, where would the chick and the duck live?

Mr. Treeger:: You have pets!

Joey: Noo-no-no, no, those are nicknames. Im the chick and Chandler is the
duck.

Rachel: Yeah, right, he almost danced me right down that garbage chute.
(Starts to cry)

Monica: Oh, would you let it go already?! Youre fine!

(Chandler and Ross enter)

Chandler: Hey.

Rachel: Hey! So, did you quit?

Chandler: No, I almost did, couldnt leave Ross there without a spotter!

Monica: Wait, now so you joined the gym?

(Rachel starts to laugh.)

Ross: And thats funny, why?

Rachel: Oh, umm, I was just yknow working out and umm Oh,
thats it.

Chandler: Were doomed. Okay, theyre gonna take 50 bucks out of our
accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?

Monica: Well, you could actually go to the gym.

(Chandler and Ross both laugh)

Ross: Or! Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at
the source.

Chandler: Youre a genius!

Joey: Aww, man, now we wont be bank buddies!

Chandler: Now, theres two reasons.

Phoebe: (entering) Hey.

All: Hey!

Phoebe: Ohh, you guys, remember that cute client I told you about? I bit him.

Rachel: Where?!

Phoebe: On the tushy.

Ross: And thats not against your oath?!

Phoebe: No, I know! I-Im sorry, but the moment I touch him, I just wanna
throw out my old oath and take a new, dirty one.

Monica: Well, next time your massaging him, you should try and distract
yourself.

Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when Im doing something exciting and I
dont wanna get too excited, I just ahh, yknow try to thing of other
things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!

Mrs. Potter: Phoebe, we have rules here, this isnt that kind of place.

Phoebe: Oh yeah, oh and I know, but this isnt what it looks like,
cause Rick is my ahh, husband.

Mrs. Potter: Oh really? Well, then youd better tell his other wife,
cause she called three times asking where he is.

Phoebe: Yes, I will tell her.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of
their bank woes.]

Monica: So you didnt leave the bank?

Ross: No! And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.

Rachel: What are you ever gonna use that for?!

Chandler: To pay for the gym.

(Phoebe enters)

Chandler: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started
making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.

Joey: What?!

Rachel: You got fired?!

Monica: Oh my Gosh!

Phoebe: Its so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!

Rachel: Sweety...

Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next,
yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these
policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.

(Theres a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)

Mr. Treeger:: Hey Duck, is Chick here?

Chandler: Yeah Bunny-rabbit.

Joey: (To Mr. Treeger) So you ah, ready for our last practice?

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, but yknow, I think the reason were not getting
that spin right is because my apartments too small.

Joey: Look, you wanna use our place?

Mr. Treeger:: No, I ahh, had another idea.

[Cut to the roof, where Joey and Mr. Treeger are dancing happily to ^Night and Day^.]

Joey: We did it!!

Mr. Treeger:: I know, we did it!! Hey, that was incredible, huh?!

Joey: I know, it was amazing! I mean, we totally nailed it, it was beautiful.

Mr. Treeger:: Thank you, listen, thanks a lot Tribbiani, (checks watch). Oh my
God, look at the time, I gotta catch the bus to the ball.

Joey: Oh well, okay, good luck.

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah.

Joey: Unless you wanna practice the Foxtrot again? Or-or the Tango?

Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think Im ready to dance with
girls.