Lonely Little Lady

My little lady who is 10 is very smart, outgoing, funny and very mature (too mature for her age). She doesn't do the "normal" things that kids her age do. She reads, and loves to talk to adults, she doesn't pretend play (never has). She doesn't play tag or any of those games.

She started having anxiety last year and it took us awhile to actually figure out why because she was too embarrassed to talk to us. The girls at school were calling her names and just being mean to her. Ignoring her or making rude comments because she does school work independently because she is at a level above the other students. She told us what was happening when she finally broke down and had an anxiety attack.

I set up a meeting with the teacher and had a conference but she evidently didn't get the idea of confidential and making it not just about my daughter because she pulled the girls in and talked with them and let them know my child had told. That only made things worse.

My daughter pushed on and stood her ground not letting them see her hurt, but unfortunately I had to watch as she turned in a hermit not wanting to do anything.

The school year ended and she made friends in her sport she played and the summer was great she was back to her old self. Well, school came fast and she was so excited to start anew.

School has only be in session for 4 days. It started last Wednesday and last night she had an attack again and she told me all these awful things that were happening. A group of kids (boys and girls) made a poll of who was pretty and who was ugly. My child fell on the side that no kid wants to be. She talked about how the kids make fun of her for being ahead and that she was really not part of the group.

She is scared to talk to the teacher—she has a "no tattling rule" (which she needs to revise). She cried all night about having to go back to school because these kids moved to different tables if she sits down by them, they are spreading rumors about her. One girl even pushed her into the wall.

I have make several attempts to call the teacher and principal. I do not want to take her out of the situation until we try to resolve it because I want her to see that you don't run, you try to fix things first. She doesn't want to switch schools because she likes the school just not the kids. She does stand up for herself and take a strong approach to the things they do but in return she breaks down at home. I just feel so helpless.

Comments for Lonely Little Lady

Well, you saw what happens to her when school is in session. There are other resources for school these days and hopefully that is the case for your little girl. So there is no reason to put her through this over and over again. Get her out of their! Her peace of mind is far more important right now because she is developing and she has to study. Don't wait to long or things will either escalate or blow over and it will not get addressed; and this has to be attended to. In both those cases she will have suffered and endured damages that could have been avoided. It might just be for awhile or a year or two that she is removed from that school but it will send a strong message to the School District that you are responsible loving parents and just will not put up with it. The thing to remember here is that children are our most precious resource. Your actions will help other children who have fallen in the woodwork. Talk to some professional/friends and plan on leaving giving the school notice and reason why in legal form. Mention the names of the Bully's in your letter to the School District. If you can without giving out the names (do mention the District) publish an article in your local newspaper or to it's Editor. Also have a doctor's letter ready on hand should the school fight truancy. I can tell you this. The School District will pay attention. Especially if you mention that your tax dollar supports that District. They say the age of reason is seven years old, but intentional harm from a child is deliberate meanness and has to be stopped now and not at the age of seven. Best of luck to you.

support/policyby: Sonya

So sorry to hear what is happening to your little girl. She sounds very like my friend's daughter who is also experiencing bullying including (we just discovered) cyber bullying - so check that out too.I don't know much about your school system but in the Uk every school has to have an anti bullying policy - I imagine the US will have similar policies/guidelines? It would be a starting point for you to approach the school with.

What support is on offer to you and your child? Do not do this alone. Are there active parent groups, educational advisors, support groups for parents? Have you spoken to the school counsellor?If the Principal is avoiding, approach the superintendent and the state department of education.I've spent all day doing web searches for my friend and found quite a few useful sites and helplines, mostly UK, but did find stopbullying.gov which is in US. There should be more web forums and support groups.

You need support too while you are supporting you're daughter, don't be shy to talk to friends and family, about what is happening.Hope it is resolved for your daughters sake, Please post an update

mentoring peer supportby: Sonya

It could do more long term harm to remove her summarily from the school. I agree don't wait, but there is still potential to resolve this. Unfortunately she most likely will encounter bullying again throughout her life in school and in work, and I think you are right to show her how to deal with it. She can't spend her life running away and could very well encounter bullying in a new school.

Neither is it the answer to isolate her at home, especially as there are things that she finds positive at school. It seems to me that the problem is one particular group of girls.As well as the suggestions I made earlier, does the school encourage Peer mentoring and support, Schools that provide this are usually more effective against bullying. If not maybe that is a constructive idea you could put forward to get the school working with you.

Little Lonely Lady - has a lot of class.by: PastorJoeP

Dear Mother of LLL. By your impassioned post you are much like your daughter. Strong, empathic and by the sound of it very resilient.

Not that your on the verge of giving up but please for both your sakes don't give up. I am surprised that the teacher did what she did especially with the anti-bullying programs out there today.

I would recommend you check your district for such programs. You as a parent can request that this program be established in your school.

Remember if your daughter is being bullied, she's not alone.

It may not be popular for children to group with the unpopular. But its a fair assumption she isn't alone.

She needs to seek out the others that are also being bullied. Those people can be her peers they can also help start the anti-bullying campaign in the area.

Its never too late to stop it. I would also begin documenting the situation until it stops. If she doesn't want to tell you at least ask her to document it for her own self protection.

In the end she wants to be in school, that's a good sign which means that there is a reason for her to stick it out if no one can help.

I would reach out look for these programs. If not speak to the Superintendent in the area about starting the program.

Principals tend to hide this sort of thing and its usually up to the Superintendent and school board to give authorization to begin these programs.

Some Anti-bullying programs also have mentor ship programs where the senior level students are required to mentor in the freshman level students and the program works out really well as everyone has a role to play in making it a safe place for students. This also provides students with the barrier that is needed when this type of behavior exists.

Just a lot to digest. I hope you and your daughter find the help that is needed there are lots of ways to help her, hope you do find it.