FIRST Minister wants civil servants to get him laughs after Phil Mickelson gag ends up in the rough.

He has ordered speechwriters to include one or two new jokes for every event he attends.

The revelations came after an attempt at comedy before a speech in the Highlands last week fell embarrassingly flat.

Addressing workers at Nigg Energy Park in the Cromarty Firth, he revealed he had played with American golfer Phil Mickelson in the pre-tournament pro-am at the ­Scottish Open earlier in the week.

“There were obviously a few nerves on the first tee when I was playing with Phil Mickelson,” he said.

“But I soon put Phil Mickelson at ease and he was all right after that.”

The joke was met with silence from around 100 factory staff in the audience.

Now it has emerged Scottish Government officials have been ordered to include “one or two” witticisms for the SNP leader to use at every public appearance.

The demand for help with one-liners emerged in a 200-page rule book for dealing with Scottish ­Government ministers.

It also warns Salmond should only be bothered with ­correspondence “where he personally is required to make a ­decision”.

The First Minister is also hoping fiction writers will help spell out his official vision for an independent Scotland.

Salmond is searching for a top novelist to add creative sparkle to his white paper on independence – due in November.

He is pinning his hopes of winning next year’s referendum on the crunch ­document, which he says will provide answers to a range of worries about independence and set out the “full case” for a Yes vote. A ­Scottish Government source revealed a “great literary talent” is being sought to write the foreword to the paper.

“The independence white paper will be one of the most important documents in Scottish history,” said the insider.

“Inevitably, the document will be long, informative and redolent of civil service expertise and attention to detail.

“However, there should also be a precis or interpretation, written for the people and designed to capture the imagination.

“It would seem appropriate to see this composed by one of Scotland’s great literary talents. To win independence, we need prose to inform, but also poetry to inspire.”

It is thought novelist and poet William McIlvanney is at the top of Salmond’s wishlist of candidates for the job. But No campaigners seized on the plan.

Scottish Labour’s Drew Smith said: “For Salmond to turn to talent within our literary community to finalise his white paper proves what we already suspected – that it will be a work of fiction rather than the solid factual assessment of our nation under independence that voters need to make a rational decision in September next year.”