Unconventional Stress Busting Techniques

If one more person quotes the Webster’s dictionary meaning
for anything to start their article/blog/hub, I’m going to tear my hair out.

Stress—no definition needed.

We’ve all experienced varying degrees of stress at different
times. I remember the day I came out kicking and screaming from my maa’s womb.
Boy was that stressful! Since then, the “S” word has been the cause of
everything from my burning stomach to my grey hair.

I was in the middle of a demanding assignment and one fine
morning, at the tender age of twenty-five, I found a big patch of stubborn grays
sprouting out of my head. One white hair, they say, is your mother’s blessing.
What do so many premature ones signify?

The doctor informed me that there was no hope. The melanin
manufacturing cell factory in my head had collapsed, most likely due to a
head-on collision with the stress monster. The damage was irreversible. Now, shelling
out money for hair color at the salon has become a part of my highly stressful
routine.

I’ve been possessed by the stress monster and have tried
everything under my roof or outdoors to get rid of it. I swam, ate less, drank
less, stared at plants (at the cost of looking loony), tried to breathe better,
tried to sleep more and even chanted Om three times a day, but nothing worked.

At one point the stress even manifested itself as a
physical, demonic monster, mocking me from the edge of my bed. It sat there
laughing at me, telling me it was here to stay. But I’m not one to give up
easily.

Don’t fret it and don’t sweat it. The stress monster is part
of everyone’s life and it has a huge appetite. It will eat up everything from your
wallet to your libido. So before you ball up into a hairless, sexless,
unidentifiable specimen being whipped around by this beast, here are some ways
to deal with the monster head on. They work cause I’ve tried them.

(Warning: Please consult your therapist before trying out
any of the Ninja Stress Busting Techniques below)

Number one:
Identify what’s causing the stress! Find out what’s fuelling the stress
monster. Where is it deriving its energy from? Is it your boss? Your boyfriend?
A facebook stalker? Get a pic of the nasty bugger and pin it up against an
empty wall. Get a few pointed darts and go for it. Aim for the eye.

Better still, make a nice piñata, paste the stressor’s pic
on it and smash it! You don’t need to be blind folded for this. If you live in Texas, you can ask your friendly
neighborhood shooting range owner to stick your boss’s (or any stressor’s) face
up on the target and then go crazy. The right
combination of physical release and aggression works perfectly. Don’t hesitate,
get creative!

Number two: Punch
and nutrition! If you feel the stress levels soar, it means the monster’s
parting under the light of a shiny disco ball. It’s time to prepare a little
party of your own. Make a crazy concoction of the left over alcohol in the
house. Make an evening out of it. I mean you can’t get stressed if you’re
unconscious. In case you are a teetotaler, then have a binge fest. I’m sure
you’ve been dying to get rid off all the fatty stuff sitting in your
refrigerator. Now is a good time. When in doubt, “junk it” out! Binge till you
drop.

Number three: Stop
reading junk. Save money on self-help books. Stop now. There’s nothing a stress
monster loves more than to see you acknowledge its presence. It gives it more
gumption. There are no clues in those fat books that frankly could have been
summarized in two pages. Yet the author chooses to ramble on and on. Stop the
buying spree and you’ll have enough money to splurge on a new outfit or new
shoes. Never, never, ever take a self-help seminar. That’s the stress monster’s
jackpot. Just go out on the roof and scream your lungs out. Better still, gate
crash the seminar and scream your lungs out there. Disturb the speaker feeding
off those sorry individuals in need of help. Think about the millions he’s
making and the money you are losing out on? That’ll make anyone scream.

Number four:
Splurge! Whoever said balance was the key obviously hasn’t been to a discount
sale and knows nothing about the miracle of shopping. Go on, get yourself a new
scarf, new pants may be even a new dress. It’s hard to be mad at yourself when
you look so darn good with your new attire on.

Number five:
Light some scented candles, incenses, dim the lights, and put on some soothing
music. Make sure no one disturbs you for the next twenty minutes. Then yank out
your favorite sex toy and play away to a happy and stress free life. The big O
is the best stress buster. But then again you already knew that. As you curl in
ecstasy, your stress monster will implode and explode at the same time.

Number six:
Sharing is caring! Introduce your monster to a friend. Call someone and share
what you are feeling. The best way to feel better about yourself is to stress
someone else out. Make sure you pick the right candidate to call. Maybe a
friend who only calls you when in need and disappears ever time you are moving
apartments. Now is the time to make them pay.

Shake Off the Stress Monster | Source

One way or another, each and every one of us is possessed by
the stress monster. Trust even the most tranquil looking man sitting on the bus
next to you has his monster grinning besides him. He may look like he’s imaging
his roses blossom on his terrace garden but that may just be a mask, a cleaver facade.
In fact, a masker is the worst kind of stressor.

Let no one tell you that you can get rid of it with some
crazy quick fix. Not even me. At best you can deal and combat it. It depends on
how feeble or strong your monster is. The more you fuel it the more it controls
your life.

If you have your own Ninja Stress Busting Techniques, please
share it here with the rest of the world.

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Congrats on your nomination, your advice has been helpful to me as I am going through a time of some anxiety as documented in my hubs. I am new to the whole hubbing thing and hope I can get a nomination soon too. Good luck!!

Deborah Demander 5 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

Great hub. Congratulations on your hubnugget nomination. I think number five is my favorite.

Namaste.

sweetzara 5 years ago from Mumbai, India Author

Thank you ripplemake! This is so exciting! One of my hubs is nominated again! Will definitely check out your hub.