Real Housewives

Was it just me or did this week feel like a whole lot of filler? We open on the juxtaposition of Meghan cooking dinner with Jim and Shannon and Heather meeting for lunch. The purpose of both scenes is the same: to rehash the events of the sex party. Meghan explains that she and Jim each learned an important lesson that night - Jim learned that his wife needs support in some situations and Meghan learned that she doesn't need to drag her husband into every petty argument she has with her cast mates. Heather, meanwhile, missed all the drama so she needed to get filled in by Shannon. I guess that's what happens when all of your blood gets drained by leeches. Shannon thinks Vicki should've stayed on point rather than drag Meghan's marriage into the conversation. Heather agrees, questioning why Vicki is lashing out so much, so intensely about this issue. On a positive note, it's nice to see Heather and Shannon getting along - they've come a long way from last season.

Meanwhile, Vicki's visiting the forgotten state of Oklahoma to celebrate Briana's birthday. It's right in the middle of tornado season and the weekly tornado warning comes in as Vicki's playing in the backyard with Troy. Naturally, the impending disaster doesn't sit well with the OG, who immediately starts freaking out and asking who's going to take care of her. I'll never stop loving Vicki Gunvalson's incessant need to make everything about her. Briana and Ryan show Vicki the storm shelter they'll be using in case of an emergency, which promptly causes her to scream at the top of her lungs at the thought of sitting in the tiny space for twelve hours. She says she doesn't know what's worse - sitting in a storm shelter or being in a tornado, because she's going to die either way. We're not in the OC anymore, Toto.

Back in the OC, Tamra and Eddie are meeting with a pastor to talk about the possibility of Tamra getting baptized. This is a completely hilarious contradiction to the Tamra who was throwing a sex party just last week. Tamra wants to make sure that if she commits to getting baptized, she can still be her fun-loving, pot-stirring, trouble-making self. Here's the biggest question of all: do anal beads and dildos make you a bad Christian? For his part, Eddie completely supports this new side of Tamra, which must be refreshing for her after years of being controlled in her marriage to Simon. Tamra explains in her confessional that baptism represents a new beginning for her and that she's looking for someone to help her be a better version of herself. Who would've ever thought we'd be getting a crash course on baptism from the Real Housewives of Orange County?

Meghan has apparently had a breast cancer scare after finding a lump during her monthly exam. After going to the doctor to make sure the mass wasn't cancerous, Meghan decides to get tested for the BRCA gene mutation to know whether or not she could be at risk for cancer in the future. After watching her mom go through a double mastectomy, Meghan says she's completely willing to use every possible resource available when it comes to medical treatment. (Hint, hint, Brooks).

Having recovered from their leech wounds, Heather and Terry are meeting with their skincare manufacturer and executives from the EVINE shopping network about launching Consult Beaute. With Terry working so much, it's been more and more difficult for Heather to spend time with him, so going into business together fixes some of that problem. However, the process is also nerve wracking because so much is at stake for their budding entrepreneurial venture - it has to work. Terry says that the thought of EVINE's gigantic audience seeing him act like a complete fool is more than a little stressful. Nobody wants to be a loser in front of 88 million people.

Meanwhile, the Beador kids have decided to cook their parents dinner for a date night at home. Dressed to the nines in her grandmother's one-of-a-kind gown, Shannon joins David at the Beador Restaurant to be served by a letterman's jacket-sporting Sophie. When Sophie explains that the girls threw this date night so their parents' relationship would get better, Shannon uses it as a moment to teach Sophie that life is all about how you handle the bumps in the road. Shannon and David reiterate that they're committed to growing as a family and being the happiest family they can be. Shannon explains in her interview that this dinner shows her that her kids value family just as much as she does.

The next day in Oklahoma, Vicki surprises Briana with a new SUV. To be more specific, with Briana's choice of three different SUVs, all parked outside her house with giant, matching red bows. In her interview, Vicki reminds us how difficult it is to part with her money, but wants to get Briana a new car to make her life easier. At first Briana objects, saying she feels weird about the gift. After all, the first time her mom gave her a car, the present came with a monthly car payment. Eventually, though, she chooses the Yukon XL under the assumption of the bigger, the better for her growing family. Vicki says "happy birthday, princess!", which is the last word that comes to mind to describe level-headed Briana.

Back in the OC, Tamra and Eddie go on a date night to Sota Sushi. Tammy Sue spending less time at CUT Fitness day to day has done wonders for their relationship, they're now spending more quality time as a couple rather than just working. After rehashing Vicki and Meghan's argument from the sex party, Tamra brings up Ryan and Sarah moving back to the OC. She finally spills the beans to Eddie about giving Ryan money to get into his house - $8000 to be exact - and Eddie is less than happy. He bluntly calls out Tamra for enabling her son and insists the money is a loan expected to be paid back. Eddie says he's not about to work his butt off to support another grown man's family. In her interview, Tamra defends her actions, saying the issue isn't about money, rather it's about having her family closer to her. She further says she'll never make Ryan pay her back, but Eddie doesn't need to know that yet. (Except, oops, you just said that on national TV.)

On her last day in Oklahoma, Vicki is sitting on the porch with Briana when the subject of Briana's impending visit to the OC gets brought up. Bound and determined not to be around Brooks, Briana offers to have her family stay in a hotel, which sends Vicki into a rage. The OG refuses to talk about Briana's issues with Brooks on camera, ripping off her mic and storming inside. Briana tries to understand why her mom is flying off the handle and explains that she's not about to kick someone out of their bed who has stage 3 cancer. According to Vicki, Brooks will be out of town on business, but Briana points out as a nurse that anyone who has stage 3 cancer on active chemo shouldn't travel or they could get sick and die. This raises another giant red flag about the reality of Brooks' cancer diagnosis. If he's really sick, should he be traveling on business?

In an interview, Briana points out that none of this would even be an issue had her mom not moved someone her family didn't like into the family home. For the record, she still thinks Brooks is a terrible person and refuses to let her kids be around him. She confronts Vicki about the reasons she's storming around and acting crazy, and questions whether the SUV gift is an effort to silence her opposition to Brooks. Vicki fires back that her daughter and grandkids won't be staying in a hotel under her watch and Briana should just say "thank you" and accept that. The episode ends with Vicki slamming the door and Briana pointing out that her mom would rather have her be the bad guy than make Brooks look bad for one more minute of the day. All I have to say is this issue is far from over and it can't end well...