Beneath

August 3-
Went to lunch with Stacy today. Struck out again, but I shouldn’t be surprised. I just need to deal with the fact that she’s relegated me to the position of ‘advice guy’, and there’s no changing it. Oh well.
Something weird happened though, while we were eating. It was just for a second, but I got this sudden, stabbing pain right on the top of my left thigh. It felt like some sort of pressure… intense, and then gone. Hopefully it was just a fluke. I really can’t afford to go to the doctor right now, even with the extra shifts since Jimmy stopped showing up at work. Last thing I need right now is a stroke or something.

August 12-
Had that pain again, this time in my right calf. I know it was the same though; it felt just like before. Almost like something pushing out, like an instant blister. Hell, it’s probably stress. I’ve been working more and more lately, and I think it’s getting to me. I always feel so tired. I think I’ll skip the TV routine tonight, and try to get some sleep.

August 13-
Ok, I need to go to a doctor. Woke up this morning with a massive headache, right behind my eyes. Wouldn’t go away for hours, until suddenly, I felt this weird, cold sensation in my nose, way up there in my sinuses, and the pain just vanished. I wonder if it’s a spinal thing, I do lift way too many heavy boxes on the job.
At least I’m off today. Mr. Reynolds called, said he’s noticed how strung out I’ve gotten. He’s having Jeff take my shift today and tomorrow. Who knew there were reasonable managers in retail?

September 1-
Got a dog. Yes, you read that right; the hermit himself has a furry companion. Figured I could kill two birds with one stone. This might help with my anxiety, and maybe it’ll get my friends to drop the ‘lonely hermit’ jokes. It’s not that I don’t like being around people, I just… well, actually that does pretty much sum it up.
Seems like the longer I’m alone, the more I just want to stay away from people. I need some fresh air. At least those damn pains seem to have stopped.

September 3-
Finally had time to go to the doctor. He didn’t find anything, (except some excessive earwax buildup, but I doubt even my journal wants to hear about that) but hey, who doesn’t like to blow an afternoon and some hard earned cash just to be poked and probed by a clueless old man.
Maybe I’m being too harsh. I’ve just been pretty irritable lately. I haven’t… crap. Just happened again, left hand this time. The hell is wrong with me?

September 16-
Went back to the doctor after a few more incidents. He still can’t find the problem, but he wants me to go to a neurologist. I know a dead end when I see one, so I declined. Stupid? Maybe, but I’m not getting anywhere with these tests. I doubt more will help them find anything. I hated being there anyway. I never used to have a problem with doctors, but this past visit, some instinct was just telling me over and over to get out of there!
Some kind of freaky phobia, I guess. Whatever the case, I think I’ll just try to ride this out.

September 18-
No pains today, but something did happen a few minutes ago. I was lying on the couch, reading a book, when out of the corner of my eye… I saw something. I’m a pretty skeptical person, so for now I’m chalking this up to my tired eyes playing tricks on me. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t see a dark something move on my left arm. It was so brief, I didn’t have time for a good look, but I swear I saw a small flash of black move across my arm. With everything that’s been going on with my body, I can’t help but feel pretty rattled by this. Time to break out the scotch, I think.

September 19-
Ok, this time I know I saw it. I was in the shower, and looked down at my chest while I was washing it. Right on my shoulder, I saw a black bulge, like a slug. It moved as soon as I looked at it, sort of faded away, but I saw it! I know I did. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but it’s getting really freakin’ weird.
The Pains still come and go, but they’re increasing in frequency. I’d take that over this creepy moving stuff any day though.

September 19, evening-
Had the worst pain attack so far, just a couple minutes ago. It started in my left hip, and moved around my back and up, stopping at one of my ribs. Christ, that hurt. It’s still sore, which is new. In the past, the pain has vanished after the sudden sting. Do I have cancer?

October 1-
Haven’t written in here for a while. Haven’t felt up to it. The pain is almost constant now. Whenever it’s not a stab or a snaking slice, it’s the damn ache.
I can’t focus on anything. Got fired last week for losing my temper with a customer. Something in me snapped, and I started yelling at the poor guy. I wanted to punch him in his face, the stupid fuc-…. see? Dammit, even now. The anger just swells, I can’t predict it.
I’ve seen more of whatever the black stuff is. Once, on my shin. I saw it sort of slither around to the back of my leg. I looked, and of course, it was gone. Another time, I felt my fingers rubbing together, like one of them had suddenly gotten fat. I looked just in time to see the end of another of those black things disappear… into my hand. I know it sounds nuts, but it looked like it went inside of me. Is this black stuff all inside my body? I can’t take much more of this.

Ocotber 15-
I don’t go outside anymore. Running low on food, but I’m starting to think that won’t mater. The ach has become a constant throb, and the sudden pains are just a part of my evryday life now. I spend most of the time in bed, wirithng. Can’t type any more. Hurts too muc

November ?
The blakness is everywere in me. Every few minutes, I see it slither. It’s undER my skin godDAMMIT GET IT OUT

Please, if anyon can help, I’m goig to upload the hole jernal online.

Jesus… one of thm is squeezing my eye! I fel it, it fuking bruns stop it STOPITSTOPTI