Vagina Dentata!!!!

Last night I saw a spectacular movie full of artistry, allure, and as to be expected in any great film, toothed vaginas.

The movie Teeth is a movie about a girl, Dawn, with a toothed vagina – vagina dentata. Vagina dentata is a myth of women having toothed vaginas ready to devour men’s penises, fingers, souls, you know, whatever gets close to the crotch. In the movie, Dawn’s vagina chomps off anything that tries to penetrate her against her will. It reminded me of the rape-x condom, except Dawn’s vagina had a mind of its own.

Much to my amusement, Dawn and her friends are members of a religious abstinence-only organization and wear abstinence rings. (It was a very scary movie.) The movie did a good job at showing how creepy and in-effective the organization was. There is also scene in a sex ed class, where the book page for female anatomy has a big sticker on it because the school administration is too puritanistic to allow a vagina, vulva, and labia to be shown to students. Characters directly address how the penis is shown but the vagina is not, adding an unexpected feminist feeling to the film.

Because of her lack of sex education and forced sexual repression, Dawn doesn’t know anything about her body or sexuality. When her vagina starts to bite off her attackers’ penises, she’s stumped as to the reason why. She repeatedly gets into dangerous situations because she has no knowledge of consent or sexual safety. She doesn’t even realize when a gynecologist is assaulting her and not examining her. I was supposed to be laughing… or scared… or something, but I couldn’t help but be a little sad. Vagina dentata aside, this movie is closer to reality than people think.