Mel Gibson Might Be the Biological Father of Jodie Foster’s Kids. We Can’t Even.

"Mel Gibson, you might be the father!" is how the opening of this article would sound if announced by Maury Povich. And it's pretty fitting considering rumors are swirling that Gibson may in fact be the biological daddy of pal Jodie Foster's two boys.

If you want to take a break now and curl up in the fetal position, it's cool. We'll wait.

The speculation began after the Golden Globes, when during her acceptance speech for the Cecil B. DeMille Award, she had effusive praise for Gibson -- who was sitting at a table with her sons Charles, 14, and Kit, 12 -- and said, “You know, you save me, too.”

If that's not proof enough for you, an amateur genealogist told the NY Post, “The kids look like [Gibson] but blonder.” So you can put away the DNA swabs. Amateur genealogists are on the case, people.

Gibson and Foster met in 1994 while filming of movie 'Maverick' and have been friends ever since. Foster even cast Gibson as the lead in her 2011 movie 'The Beaver.'

During a press tour for said flop, she commented, “He’s so incredibly loving and sensitive. I knew the minute I met him that I would love him the rest of my life.”

Her devotion would certainly explain why she stuck by him when he revealed himself to be a misogynistic anti-Semite a while back.

Other possible sperm donors include late casting director Randy Stone, who was a close friend of Foster's before his death in 2007. Stone's mother believes her son donated the necessary ingredients for Foster's children, saying, “He told me he had to sign documents. It was a secret he took to his grave.”

Foster has never disclosed paternity and says she won't even tell her kids whose genetic material they possess until they turn 21. Good idea -- because if you're gonna find out Mel Gibson is your father, you want to at least be old enough to legally drown your sorrows in booze.