According to the internet, this may not have been a meteor at all and may have been a flare that someone fired off, which just makes the event all that more bizarre. I guess someone was trying to signal for help and I didn’t come to their aid. :/

Honestly, the Devil seems like a pretty okay dude. Ever read the Bible? The Devil always gives people a choice whether to the listen to him, without any threat of consequence. It’s God who threatens people. Pillar of salt and whatnot.

Is there anything more depressing than the last hotdog bun breaking in half?

Has anyone ever gone into anaphylactic shock from a blackfly bite? I get a swollen bump about the size of a small apple every time a blackfly bites me. It would really suck if a teeny tiny bug caused me to die.

Hey, drink an entire 2-4, smoke an entire carton and then hover over me in the grocery line, why don’t ya?

I still don’t have one of those stupid cookie warnings on any of my websites. If a person doesn’t know that pretty much every website uses cookies, then they deserve whatever bad thing happens to them… which will be nothing.

All my favourite artists are alcoholics who dropped out of high school. Internet please advise. #CakeVodka

I’ve grown as a person since this and no longer enjoy artificially flavoured liquors. I’m thinking of becoming one of those assholes with five different bottles of bitters. I’m thinking of saying “mouth feel” a lot.