Weekend Update - News Jokes

An Ohio man is arrested after trying to have sex with his van. What's really sick is the van was only three years old.

<<Photo of Clinton Foundation logo on screen>>The Clinton Foundation announced that if Hillary wins it will stop accepting foreign money. <<Switch logo to new logo with maple leaves instead of stars>> And if Trump wins, the foundation will become a foreign foundation

The Mongolian wrestling coach stripped down to his underwear after his country was denied the bronze medal due to a judging issue. If history has taught us anything, you should not tick off Mongolians <<Photo of ancient Mongols>>.

A recent survey shows that the majority of men and republicans believe that sexism is no longer an issue. When asked if a woman could then be president, they responded, if only a republican woman wanted to run <<Photo montage of Republic female senators/congressmen>>. Damn it if there was just one.

It's mid-August and the Chicago Cubs are still in first place, prompting fans to prepare for a major letdown this Fall instead of the normal one they are used to experiencing.