When our search for The One leads us to ourselves

When twin flames meet, the feelings of recognition brought on by the Union of the Soul are felt so intensely that for a while everything outside of this awe-inspiring, wondrous connection simply ceases to exist. If one or both twins are already in relationships, these often get temporarily pushed aside and totally eclipsed by the power of the twin flame connection in order to allow the strong bonding between the twin lovers to take place. While this brings on a whole new level of “it’s complicated” into our life, from the viewpoint of Spirit the earthly relationship status of the twins is irrelevant.

Many bolt out of existing relationships upon meeting their twin flame simply because the love and connection is felt so strongly that staying in the old relationship becomes an unbearable lie. Although this is often an unavoidable consequence of the twin flame encounter, in many instances once the bubble phase is over and the often inevitable twin flame separation hits, one or both twin flames return to their old paradigm marriages or swiftly move onto new relationships in an attempt to regain normality and to fulfil the void left by the twin flame. Nothing however is ever lost: it simply means that there are still lessons to be learnt or important work to complete on other timelines before a permanent union can happen.

The truth is that sometimes the only respite twin flames can find from the turbulence of the connection is in the “safety” of old paradigm relationships. This does not mean that our twin flame does not love us or does not wish to be with us, however consciously or unconsciously they know that the intensity of the connection would require their full attention and dedication; and that to rise to the challenge they would have to acknowledge their shadow and learn to live with it. Often the twins fail to see that what is being offered here is not a new relationship but the opportunity to become all that they are meant to be, and so they rate the “risk” of moving from that which is safe, familiar and manageable to that which is unconventional, passionate and intense as simply too high.

Whether we want it or not and regardless of our choices, the meeting with our twin signals the start of a metamorphosis; a journey of self-discovery and transformation which calls us to re-evaluate everything we know. Like the dream cells which enable the metamorphosis of the caterpillar into a butterfly, this destructive process helps bring us out of the co-dependent, ego-based relationship mind-set into the reality of TRUE love and Union. In fact, what both twins often don’t realise until much later is that this separation and the temporary choice to shy away from the connection is a blessing; it is a beautiful gift because it helps rid us of our illusions of what “should be” and opens us up to what is REAL and lasting.

This shift is not only necessary but inevitable for the twin flame union because as long as we still “need” our twin flame to complete us, the relationship will never turn out the way we had hoped on a human level. The thing is; switching from a 3D marriage into a twin flame union does not equal moving from one relationship to another, but is an actual quantum jump between levels of consciousness and parallel dimensions. To maintain a physical union with our twin flame necessitates a completely new level of honesty, transparency and acceptance and it requires a strong, REAL connection to our Self as well as Source/ God. More often than not, when twins first meet they are simply not ready or strong enough in their connection to themselves to be able to make this move at once.

The twin flame reunion is a PROCESS during which both twins may make choices which seem to take them away from the Union; however it is these very choices which create the circumstances that allow both to mature spiritually and emotionally into Union. The end result is the shift from a fear-based thinking to a heart-based BEING, where the closeness with our twin flame becomes impossible to deny as time passes and as we grow closer to ourselves and to our Twin.

The steep learning curve of marriage to another

When I reunited with my twin flame after three years of running I was ecstatic to have him back in my life. 18 months later however it was a different story: I was exhausted from being on the constant emotional rollercoaster of push and pull, forever alternating between shared moments of closeness followed by his silences, contradictions and denials – I was ready to get off the hamster wheel of twin flame insanity. When I met a man who treated me with respect and consistency and who echoed my desire to start a family, I grabbed onto this chance without hesitation or guilt. Within a year I was married and had a baby, and for the next 8 years concentrated on building the family I had always wanted.

Despite my twin’s attempts to include me in his life I kept him at a distance, often with long gaps between our infrequent emails. I wasn’t consciously avoiding him, I just couldn’t for the life in me understand what he wanted from me when all he had done after our reunion was to avoid and delay seeing me when I had hoped to be his friend, lover or whatever. I felt like I had tried everything, given everything, yet he was still a complete mystery to me. Nevertheless, throughout the years I was always genuinely happy to hear from him and shared my news with him as I would an old friend, with all the love and affection I felt for him.

Of course I knew that I harboured many unresolved feelings for him but it was easier to stay away from him rather than having to face them and go through the disappointment the interaction with him always inevitably brought. I didn’t realise until much later that while I had resented my twin for reverting into his “safe” marriage, I had done the same by jumping into mine. As the years went by I knew that my twin flame was still struggling to find peace, love and meaning and he often conveyed this to me in his emails. He told me how proud he was that I had realized my (our) dream of having children and settling down. As his 40th birthday approached (and despite the fact that he was still married), his restlessness seemed to only grow. “Home”, he said, was becoming “increasingly elusive”.

Even though I was fully committed to my marriage and loved my husband, there was no denying that as the years went by I started to deeply yearn the connection that mirrors and gives it back to the other. Although I had always known that I did not have such a connection with my husband and had accepted it, I could never forget what it had felt like to meld essences with another being and to see them filled with that energy, that vibration. Naturally, as my marriage started to deteriorate for unrelated reasons, it was that same energy that I now sought for comfort.

My husband was often away for months at a time and I was struggling to balance work, my health and caring for my three small children in a country where I had no family and barely any support network. The only time I would have to quieten my mind was in bed at night, and this is where I would always feel my twin’s presence. I started to seek out the calming, spiritual energy that he represented for me and in fact for a period of about two years those moments of connection were the only moments of solace and comfort I could find. Oftentimes the last thing I would recall before falling asleep was his energy coming to me, and in the mornings I could still feel him lingering in the room, as if he had JUST left. Yet in the “real world” I had no contact with him and had not seen him for 8 years.

Throughout the years of our connection I had grown accustomed to feeling him; in fact, I had known him in this way since I was a little girl so it was nothing new to me and I never gave it too much thought – that is, until the day I realised that he is always here with me; as an energy, a reflection and a presence, as an integral part of me. This brought with it the awareness that there are two sides to me: the one that knows the reality and depth of the connection and the other which says it’s OK to be disconnected and do this with another person. Ironically, I had always been aware of and quick to point out this same division within my twin, and so seeing it in myself was an eye-opening and humbling moment. I instantly knew there was no one else to blame: I was the one creating the separation by acting as if it’s ok not to be with my divine counterpart; the only one who can nourish me. While initially I had convinced myself that I could find fulfilment outside of our Union, I realised this was only because I was not finding that deep connection within MYSELF.

The journey from feeling his energy come to me in an uncontrollable way to actually realising how he is always WITHIN me in a very REAL way was a process which took several years for me, as I am sure it did for him. However the day did come where from the spiritual emptiness of my marriage – God Bless it – arose a place of serenity and solitude where the only truth left standing was that he, my twin flame, was like no other. Along with this was great sense of freedom, of being free from want, from sadness, from my restless search, from all the conditions and barriers that I had let myself and others impose on me when I had not yet known my own power, or the power of God.

I knew now that no matter how much I tried, I was never going to find that connection with anyone else. It would never be as fulfilling, as nourishing, as deep, as intimate, as spiritual, as infused in God. He is always here with me, his energy, his presence, in a way that is impossible to describe. All this time I had been trying to give the Oneness that I am with to my husband, but the truth was that he could never give it back to me. It was like trying to fill a sake cup with a flowing fountain; the sake cup cannot contain or understand such abundance, and cannot hold any of it, whereas the true counterpart would always naturally, automatically, simultaneously expand to accommodate and reflect the outward, as well as the inward, always matching, resonating and reflecting. Finally through the connection to my Self and through allowing this pure God-infused love to flow through me I realised I no longer wanted to mix my essence and energy with anyone who could not match me perfectly; mind to mind, heart to heart, soul to soul.

I realised that all the difficulties within my marriage, including my husband’s infidelity and long absences were in fact a blessing, meant to show me once and for all that I deserved better than that. My marriage provided me with the rock bottom I had to reach to realize that this is not who I am, nor is this the way I wish to live my life – or to inspire my children to live theirs. Thus, I could not harbour any ill feelings against my husband since he had provided me with the experience which taught me that I am the ONLY ONE responsible for giving myself the love that I deserve – and therefore, I could not resent my twin’s wife for doing the same for him.

Finally I was ready to lay his ghost to rest and make peace with his failure to “show up” for me in the past in the way that I had hoped. Instead, I put my full faith into the truth of our unbreakable inner bond and the reality of our eternal Union. I knew I had to choose this path and that I had to do with FOR ME, whether he decided to make this same choice or not. I realised that being able to meet my twin flame in this life is an amazing blessing and opportunity which meant that I should not to settle for anything less than the soul-shaking, transformative, one-soul-in-two-bodies kind of love that we had always shared. If there was the slightest chance that I could be with him and work in Service for the greater good of humanity then I had to take it. Ultimately, I knew my life had to be about this LOVE and this love only, with or without him.

Moving on from a 3D marriage to Union with our twin flame once the energies of Oneness are felt WITHIN is definitely one of the toughest yet most empowering experiences on this journey. The leap from one to the other is a leap of FAITH, which requires us to stand tall in our own KNOWING and light. For me personally, the key to finding the courage to leave my marriage was finding this Union within myself. Since the twin flame union is first and foremost an inner happening, with this inner completion comes the realisation, often through trial and error, that we no longer want to be stuck in a 3D relationships which drain our energy but that we’d rather follow the path which make us feel alive, radiant, joyful and connected to purpose, to ourselves and to God.

When we truly want this for ourselves and proceed with self-love and faith in the journey, the Universe guides us and moves for us in the most miraculous ways. The key in the meantime is to be patient, not only with our twin flame but also with our own situation. The truth is that even if today our twin shrinks back into their old 3D ways, they will only ever be offered a temporary respite from the connection. Sooner or later, the path always leads back to the ONE LOVE, ONE SOUL, ONE TRUTH – that our destiny is with our twin flame.

51 thoughts on “Twin flames – When marriage outside of the Union is no longer an option”

Good evening Sweet Jona,
It’s always a pleasure to read you. I feel deeply touched by the fact you allow yourself to express yourself. 🙂
From my own perception, i feel it funny you call your beloved your twin because i personally don’t feel brotherhood in the relationship i consider to be an “originel” one but maybe he does consider me as his sister (to me i have a gemini (mirror of my ego) and i have a lover (mirror of my soul) i’ve met through telepathy and teletransportation when i was around 6… the guy was already a perverse ^^ coming into my room). This is the truth followed by my heart…?
However all the story is for me at least a soulful process where only arises unconditional love… isn’t that’s all we are looking for.
I’ve found today this poetry i thought you would loved on a site called Beauty and truth :
❤

Sorry Jonna, i didn’t want to tell a gemini (it´s because i was thinking about “jumeau” (in french)) but a twin with who i look alike compared to my lover who could appear as my opposite)… 😉
Have a nice weekend and your blog is beautiful

Thank you for this. It provided me with affirmation as your twin flame journey is almost identical to mine. I’ve experienced the same feelings and realizations. It’s nice to know that others are going through the same stages. I especially identified with your understanding that no one else will ever fulfill you as your twin does and with or without him, you have the knowledge and understanding that he is your twin, no matter what happens in the 3D. Nothing can ever truly part the twins.

I have read so many blogs asking questions whether I would get my twin back. She is planning to get married and is more religious than being spiritual. We both have had our fair share being runners and chasers in all these years. Now the only problem that I am facing is in case she gets married I would also will have to get into a 3d relationship with someone and it would really hinder my growth on the 5d level. And would be painful for that person also, since the way I am tuned with my twin, we both unconsciously think about each other while being with any other. I am aware of it and she is not. I don’t know when would be the time when universe would bring her to me for ever. (While I am typing this and I see at my clock I see 911. I just read somewhere that this means that Universe is in an urgency to get my twin flame to me. It would be great if anyone could tell me if this is true). I see almost all the aster numbers everyday everywhere, and frankly my head hurts. I don’t what to say, I am just gathering up courage to move ahead and be whole again. Hope the universe will witness my pain and would grant my wish…

Hi Whitney,
thank you for your comment. In my own experience (and I am by no means an expert), Twin flames do not necessarily share birth signs nor significant birthmarks. I certainly do not with mine.
Personally I always attempted not to read too much into the astrological aspect, birthmarks, numerology and all that. I prefer to concentrate on the love, the creative energy and the spiritual growth going on in my connection.
There are however many sites which speak about the astrological and numerogical similarities in Twin’s birth signs etc. I guess the general consensus is that there will be some kind of connection linked in with birthdays if you look hard enough. This doesn’t mean sharing birthdays or birthsigns but that there will be some kind of connection with their birthday and a significant date in your life, like a best friend’s or a brother’s birthday etc.
Please do visit my blog again. With all my love, Jonna

Hello,first i have to say thank you, you have given much clarity in sharing your experiences with me and others to be sure. I have to say that my twin and i do have a very simular mark on our foreheads in the same exact area. So i suspect some do and some don’t. I too wondered this and i heard only from one that they had the same mark as the other.good to know

Twin flames are as real as the sun that shows every morning. My experience. Met him first day on the job at 15. He wanted me bad…I gave in and he was my first bf…first kiss…first love/making experience and deep down I knew that nothing would ever be better than US. It was literally sunshine and happiness when we were together. I did not know a bad day…this by came dangerous when he finally started to pull away…only to return again. After 3 or 4 breakups and getting back…we ended it for good. That was 9 years ago making it the 11th year after meeting him. I beleiv we both were so saddened by our choic to split that we resented each other. We wouldn’t speak again for 6 years….2012 January. Our meeting was brief…but the love was heavy and felt so deeply in just those few short moments…I had a baby 9 months later…with my husband of course. Around my 27th birthday Have can.to me.in a dream said I love you, kissed me and the look on his face said I don’t care who knows…I’m tired of hiding. He is married as well. 2 weeks after this he came to me in a dream and told me I was pregnant and that it belongs to him but he respects his wife. Sure enough I was pregnant and had a baby 9 months later. On mothers day this year…I saw him we made contact and I joked about how we never run into each other. Less than a month later I was at the bowling alley and turned to look to my left and there he was already staring at me. He met my husband that night but since then the sychronicyes have been in full effect. Seeing 911 and 222…. 4444 and 1111. Oh BTW. I followed him during that second meeting at a gas sattion I parked at pump one and the address to this place was 110…also social media. I went to a wooden park for my neices bday which I hadn’t seen in at least 8 years and on that same day he like a post about wooden parks and said that was his spot..

Giorgio. Miracles by their nature are inexplicable, unexpected, unbelievable.. But they do happen. On this journey we must never stop believing and hoping, but we must (for our own peace of mind and sanity) let go of expectations and a specific outcome. The idea that we could be in control is just an illusion which will not serve us in the long-run. Faith is so important Giorgio, but so is having an open mind and heart for the blessings to flow into our lives from unexpected sources. Do not be hung up even on your Twin flame or a specific, narrow outcome with her. Instead, hope for clarity, peace and love in all aspects of your life. This will empower you rather than devastate you. Love, Harmony and Believe my friend. Yours, Jonna xx

Now I will see what telepathy I have had, the unconditional love that exists between US, …..

I will see and reveal the truth of what I sincerely believe about ALL of this and My goodness…. I do believe it is true.

My the Spiritual realm come to US as my love for her, even more now through all this rejection, pain and advice from so many who do not understand OUR connection, give me advice of fear and loneliness to forget my twin.

My Twin is in denial and has left e rejecting me to the point of threatening me telling me that I have had someone else in the heart and mind.
It is Not what I had, it is reunion that I wanted, commitment for the true Matute Novethat I felt from day ONE for her and still do.

More potent for ever… the more she hurts me the stronger My love gets, the more understanding I feel and the more respect I have for my Spirit for I am stronger and feeling purified the more punishment and rejection I see and feel and told that I have overstepped my boundaries.

I have been led to many twin flame blogs over the past several weeks, but this one currently “speaks” to me and aligns best with what I am going through. Especially this particular post. “. . . the meeting with our twin signals the start of a metamorphosis; a journey of self-discovery and transformation which calls us to re-evaluate everything we know.” SO TRUE. Along with reading a book suggested by a spiritual friend “Women Who Run With the Wolves.” Both have turned me upside down; well, meeting and realizing that I have a Twin has REALLY turned my life upside down! I mean, it has been de-stabilizing, to say the least. Even though I have been on a journey of self-discovery for many years, lately things have really sped up. Learning about Self-care, even extreme Self-care, has really helped. Even though I’ve “known” my twin for almost two years, I only recently realized who this person is, this person who brought such an upheaval to my life. I know for sure that we are moving toward Union, and it will happen fairly quickly, but it will and has already started to churn up my life. My twin told me telepathically “not right now,” but she will know when I am ready. She is much more patient than I am!! However, if we were to get together now, it would not go well. This period of separation is much needed, more so for me.

So is the desire to share 3D world your twin still considered being hung up or attached? I totally get the soul connection, 5D, the Divine Union and all that, the telepathy between my twin and I is just unbelievable… I can’t help but feel little emptiness because I can’t share my 3D/daily life with my twin…like waking up every morning and not being able to have a coffee with him…or when something happens and I want to tell him about it (although I do this through meditation)…or watching a movie together…I don’t even want to go into sex thing, that’s the most painful part for me…I mean majority of our lives are spent in 3D world, even accepting the situation and separation, it’s still that honest desire to bring the two worlds together with him, that leaves me little empty.

Wholeness and Balanced Vibrations to you and thank you for such a candid and informative article! I’m in the beginning stages of finding my Twin Flame/Mirror Soul and I’m married. I’ve just recently went 6 hrs and 386 miles away to see him and, IT. WAS. M A G I C A L! ! !
I’m struggling though with having to divorce my husband because of the path of Awakening that I’m on. My fear doesn’t stem from attachment to my husband but, one the fear of hurting him. I would really appreciate any advice that you or others may have due to experience.

Hi Nina, I’m probably at the same stage as you but I suffer both kind of fears – attachment to my husband and comfortable life I have with him as well as fear of hurting him. My twin is married too, has two children and we live on the opposite sides of the world! I’ve been seeing him once per year, for a month, for the last two years and am about to go back to Europe end of May. We met when I was 16 and were on and off until I was 20 when I finally broke off with him for good. Not even a year later I moved countries and he met the women whom he married and had children to. I think for you it’ll be so much easier because you’re already on your spiritual path and obviously understand what is going on, I hope he is too. In my experience staying open and being able to constantly communicate about it is very important. I was also well into my spiritual path when we reunited three years ago, in fact I thought I’ve done all my work and living a bliss and then, boom! Twin Flame comes back into my life, at that time I knew practically nothing about twin flames. At times I feel like undid all the work I ever done, I get stuck in low vibration for days…this is my biggest test yet, taking each day as it comes, lots of meditation, yoga and trying not to think too much but rather feel and act according to how I feel in that moment. I don’t have proper communication with my twin, we message or chat frequently, almost every week or two but not about us and what’s going on, he’s not as open… however 5D connection and intuition are incredible and this is the bit that gets me very confused – he would have to feel me too so how come he can’t talk about it? For example: just before I get a message from him, my nose will get itchy…I’ll be asleep, having a dream about him then suddenly wake up, reach for my phone to see what time it is and there’ll be a message from him…and the most weird one, every single time I feel I had enough and I want to be done with it, I literally grab my phone or open my laptop to erase him from my social media, from my phone, etc, there’ll be a sweetest message from him with exact words of reassurance I was looking for. Not to mention sexual desire and all that comes with it, and it can be any time anywhere. It’s insane! Yet we’re both still stuck in 3D world.
I hope this helps you even a little bit, if you have anything to share with me or ask any questions pls do so, I’m happy to exchange emails if you’d like. Namaste!

Hello Innerstylist,
I had to reply to what you said about your twin because up until now I had never met another person who met their twin so young. I met mine at 19 and 23 years has passed. We were together only briefly, but made a son. I returned to my home country pregnant and he ended it. I spent many years trying to forget him, and 23 years, 2 failed marriages and 3 kids total I am again living in the same city as him. We have intermittent contact which is frustrating but understandable. He is with another woman. I have so many details to share but its too much to write here. I would love to take you up on your offer to Nina to email or otherwise communicate. Or, maybe my experiences would help everybody. I’ve been doing some energy healing that has really helped re-establish contact and build a rapport with my twin. Best wishes.

Wow! More similarities between our experiences – 23 years since I left our hometown in Europe and moved to Australia; I’m in my second marriage which is obviously not working any more. I have also done lot of healing recently and I think it’s helping. I think for us, who have met our twins very young, is much harder. Anyhow, feel free to email me, I’d love to know what healing work you’ve done. irina.morrison25@gmail.com

This is such a lovely post and is helpful to me. I met my twin flame about 7 months ago right after I ended a four year relationship. He was obsessive about getting close to me and told me that he knew that I was special. We could feel each others feelings. At times, seemingly read each others thoughts and i felt like i knew his heart..very well. He told me within just a few weeks of knowing me that he loved me. And just a few weeks later that he wanted to marry me someday. I was overwhelmed. I hadn’t healed. I found him intrusive and our bond was strange and scary, although I felt we had a special connection, and so i pushed him away out of fear and it hurt him terribly. We didn’t speak for months, but my heart could not forget him. I sobbed and sobbed even more than I had over my four year relationship. I couldn’t shake how much I loved him and so I chose to reunite with him. During our time spent apart I learned so much about loving myself. I can see his shadow side easily and i know he sees mine. We both had visions about marriage between us within the week before we reunited. After recognizing that he was my twin flame, I started showering him with affection and speaking from my heart. i can tell he has grown when i have and it means so much to me. He is supposed to leave for 5 months very soon and part of me is absolutely terrified. When I am with him I feel complete. But the extraordinary completeness I feel around him creates a huge void when I think about not having him in my life.

Despite how much it deeply pains me, I feel it’s best that he leaves. I think it will help him and myself and he agreed. I think that he is going to ask me to marry him before he does. A part of me thinks this might be okay…that he travels and I figure out my life knowing that we are still connected, but like this post states, the responsibility of a twin flame relationship feels so heavy.

I am unsure what my family would think if I married him or got engaged so soon (they don’t believe in these things ) and I know that this would completely change my life in every way. He already has changed everything just by being in my life. Meeting him helped me grow tremendously in such a short amount of time. It feels like I will never meet anyone like him or have this connection with anyone else. I don’t think I would ever be able to live out a normal relationship after feeling our connection. I know for a fact that he feels that I am expressing this right now actually. And it’s comforting to know that we share these feelings with each other.

He told me that he never thought of marriage before me. I am unsure what to do or how to deal with this. If anyone has any suggestions, that would be wonderful.

Wow. My whole insides were vibrating and quivering as I read this. This has really helped me. I am in a relationship now with who I suspect is my twin flame and very recently we have had conversations regarding the status of our relationship (I am single, he is not – but we both have complicated statuses with others). This has really rang true to me and makes me realize we are eternal. Thank you for the insights!

Wow! My whole insides were vibrating and quivering as I read this. I am in a relationship with a man who I suspect is my Twin Flame and lately we have been discussing our relationship. I am single, he is not, but we both have statuses with others that are complicated. I think there is a lot of fear in him and he does not understand at all about Twin Flames or Soulmates. This makes me believe that we are eternal, especially the way my inner being reacted while reading it.

I am exhausted by this. Everything you wrote echoes my experience. I have been extremely confused by this experience going from thinking he was my Twin Flame (and so what about my marriage and child), to looking at his hot/cold behavior as nothing more than a narcissist/psychopath, back to it was a very unfortunate experience of infidelity, back to the narcissism, back to the twin flame and now, to accepting it was really nothing. We have taken some breaks, but the moment we reconnect, it’s back to fighting and power struggles and it descends into abuse. It’s a long distance twin flame experience so the abuse is verbal (writing hurtful things) to what can only be described as psychic abuse. There is something that is missing in this idea of Twin Flames. Namely, if we are mirrors and souls to each other, but maybe traveling at different times and part of the great pain of these relationships isn’t just the split within ourselves but that we are here now in this world AT different stages of growth, how do we heal and become whole when our Twin took some very bad directions in his life? What if you find that your twin might not actually be a very good person right now in this incarnation?

I have stayed away for 2 6-month long periods. But a family tragedy brought me back to reaching out. It didn’t take long for the anger and hurt to come back, the fighting, the miscommunications and the psychic abuse. I feel I have gone through so many phases but I think the most important one is that a very long time ago in my life, I learned to deny love. Needing it, wanting it, feeling it. And if anything, this ‘relationship’ exposed how conflicted I had become in my life. How I had actually given up on love. I went through many phases, learning to admit how much I care for this broken man which was a very painful experience. To eventually admitting how much I need him. When I tried to cut him out, I felt lost, like walking dead weight. I have found alot of things in my life to expose my passion and revived a long lost artistic side of me. But we can’t ever seem to stay connected. And its so unfair to my life here, to my family. My husband and I definitely married because we wanted to ‘try something’ we thought we never would have. I knew and he knew that we didn’t have a deep connection. We wanted our beautiful daughter. And even though there is something missing, what we are learning as partners is to give to her the love, respect, dignity and humanness our own parents sort of ripped from us. That is a worthy life mission.

But I can’t stop thinking, feeling, hearing, wanting, my Twin. And then I think, all I am is a “woman who loves a psychopath” and I start digging to what is so wrong with me that I can’t not feel this person who is sort of a loser and abusive in his current journey on earth. And if he is abusive to me, isn’t that that he is not my Twin?

I used to think that way, when his abuse triggered me to be that way until I realized my own bad behavior was hiding my long lost need for love. As I grow that love in me, accept it, feel it, I find that it’s harder and harder to act badly. I have somehow learned to not be triggered by his words, to diffuse it sometimes, but he has gone over the top too many times. I can’t heal him. Or fix him. Or love him. Or give him anything to change this cycle.

So I am trying to let him go and it feels like I am dying a thousand deaths. The one thing that I find so missing in what people write on Twin Flames is that alot of people are broken. And our twin just might be broken. I read something that said if there is abuse, then it’s not your Twin. But what if someone was so broken as a child, from a culture so broken, that they may never be able to make the journey themselves to wholeness? He doesn’t want to let me go. I feel it always in that no matter how badly we get with the running/chasing, that if I can find a time of calm and quiet, and reach out, he responds in a heartbeat. And it feels so good, I get so excited, I go all in, thinking just this time, he will meet love with love… and he retreats. Fast. And I am left scrambling and needy and desperate all over. So I retreat and the cycle repeats.

I am exhausted by this. I want to move on. We aren’t meant to reunite in anyway. I am tired of being bashed, I am tired of him not admitting he cares, or how he hurt me or anything. I have no hope ever of a real reunion with him. I visited him and he ran. And the obstacles are huge between us. We have no destiny. I had a friend who understood twin flame and had hers, and she said she has never heard of two people who were the epitome of twin flames. Every single obstacle that could be between us IS. She said she thinks that he feels it but probably will never understand it.

But I want peace now. I want to never reach out again. I want what’s best for him (I had tried to be by his side once, as much as I could even long distance and he could not handle it) but I want off. What makes this hard is that this is not our first time. Decades ago, we went through this. I thought I would die trying to get over him and forgetting him. I could not even imagine how I was going to go on in life. And in alot of ways, I didn’t. Some part of me froze up with him as I buried him. And it all came back alive as intense as then, but it needs to stop. I just want to know how to bury him again without dying in the process with that. Without shutting him out so completely, I even forget he exists (like I did the first time). No chord cutting, no understanding if this was a NPD/Codependent relationship, no understanding addiction, no understanding trauma bonding, no understanding Twin Flame, no understanding any of this is moving me out of this. Other than I continue to find things about myself I didn’t know existed. But I am tired of the wild sense of connection and peace when we speak and the fast dissolve into fear and retreat. I want off…..

I hear you…I’m at the stage of exhaustion after I flew to the other side of the world to be with him and he kept avoiding me and denying he ever asked me to come. He came to ‘see’ me twice in five weeks, in the middle of the night for sex (there’s no other way to describe it really)…he also ‘forgot’ what day I was going back home, if I didn’t ring him to say goodbye, he wouldn’t have let me leave without a word… we’re both married and been going back and forth all our lives.
One thing I learnt so far, this is an energetic connection, an intense one so you have to learn to navigate the energies..if it feels you had enough, your energy is drained, take a break, remove yourself to re-charge. I don’t see it any other way. I’m in a spiritual field myself, I’m very protective of my energy field and last two years (since I re-connected with my twin) have had a great impact on my work. So I cut all connections with him, since I got back and focusing on myself at the moment. Lots of rest, meditation, living in the now, doing things that make you happy and joyful. Healthy diet. All these things are important for self-care and also to take you to higher realms…that’s where connection with your twin is pure, there’s no 3D drama.
You can never cut the connection with him completely…talk to him through meditation, send him love and healing. I honestly think there’s no rules in who your twin could be, what they should be acting like, etc…there are some basic signs but really, we’re all different with different personalities, therefore every twin is different. There are abusive people out there, it’s not their soul, it’s their personality (try to understand the difference) so who’s to say that twins can’t be abusive? Mine can be quite mean to me as well.
If you think in terms of energy, twins’ energies are the opposite – one vibrates high, the other one low – it’s about balancing the two…you connect when energies are aligned but it usually means some wounds will be triggered and more healing needs to take place…however both twins need to do their own work on themselves…I believe only when both twins have reached higher vibration for good, have healed themselves, true union can take place. I don’t see it any other way at the moment, despite all that is written.

I met him 30 years ago when I was 14. He is the only person in my life that I have been so unbelievably aware of at all times. The slightest contact give me an electric jolt. He has always visited my dreams. At 30, he finally kissed me and that started a few whirlwind months of romance. Without explanation, he withdrew. And instead of being brave enough to get to the bottom of it, I married the next person that came into my life. Ten years and many wishes later, I ran into him again and still had that same energy. But due to unusual family circumstances, my last opportunity to see him I thought forever came about and I blurted out that I would never stop loving him. He said, “my thoughts exactly” and we parted. Months later we started emailing and he revealed that the first time around, my talk of future plans of kids scared him off as he had married and divorced young and had made a choice to not have more children. And he didn’t want to ruin that for me. At this point, I’m now married with two children and he is single and seemingly still waiting for the right person but he’s indicated that he’s there for me when I’m ready. I feel so much guilt, but the pull toward my twin is breaking me.

If. its meant to be it will be. i personally. don’t buy into this. ,true love don’t run away. this theory. is could work if both. ppl really love each other. i mean u can call each other. anything. u want. If the person. acts like a butthead treats u bad. than its just a regular. relationship. its a funny thing to me most of these relationships never work out. relationships are hard enough sometimes. , but throwing t/ fs in there is much harder. all it does is causes delusions. ,back chatter. why waste ur energy. ppl are just making it harder on themselves. believing like this. we r human beings I’m sure all u ppl r good ppl that deserves. to be loved. our mind can be our best friend. or our worst. enemy. its good to love. we hav feelings. but there’s always goin to be ppl to hurt us. but we are better than that. we are special. we are always learning. everyday. there’s always goin to be ppl out there to take advantage. of us. believe. me. my sister. done it to me. be strong. get ur mind on something. eles. learn to love urself. there’s three kinds of ppl in this ole world givers ,takers &givers &takers. that’s the way it will always be. Learn from ur mistakes. i do believe. in love. it can happen. when u least expect. it. don’t let this t/f so called. get u down. if both ppl truly. love each other. than more power to ya. remember. u r u. a very. Special. beautiful. Caring. person no one can take that away from u. if its meant to be it will be. enjoy life. u deserve it. baby 🙂

Hi! I have recently discovered twin flame, not ever knowing what i had experienced earlier in my life with my best friend turned boyfriend.. The most real way that I could describe it was as Adam and Eve, being made from his literal body. After not speaking for six years, both being married now with our own children, it still feels as if we are together and that he has never been gone. I thought for so long that I was just looney and making all of this up but to learn that others have experienced this is awe inspiring ! For me the accepting of the challenge of oneness within myself seems to cause me the most heart ache but I know that is what needs to be done. The eternal connection and knowing he will always be with me has been helpful. Trying to make sense of all of the new knowledge has also been a trip.thank you for this post.

Very, very beautifully expressed! Just what I needed to read today as after four years of blessed togetherness, my twin and I have been separated for the last six months and words can’t even describe the pain and longing that nags me day and night. So much of this resonated with me! When I met him, I HAD TO let go of my marriage which already in shambles, suddenly became this unbearable lie. I guess only those who have experienced the intensity of a twin flame love can really even FEEL the connection, the belonging, the KNOWING and the intense pain that disappointment can bring here. I am drawing solace from reading this as our sharing has been very, very deep – much deeper than a couple who may be married for thirty years maybe! He is UNDOUBTEDLY the love of my life and whilst I have worked a lot on myself, he has not been able to catch up. The pain has acquired its own stillness and rhythm and maybe we really needed this separation to honor our journeys. I’m taking heart and keeping the faith that the path shall always lead to a union with him eventually 🙂