Mental Health Thread • Page 271

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I'm gonna find out in a few days if I'm fostering this kid and idk. I'm oddly not nervous? I feel confident I can parent this specific child and I'm even kinda excited?? Idk like it might be nice to focus on something that isn't my own work or existential crisis. I'm of the attitude that if it works out then it works out and if it doesn't that's cool too, but it is weird that I likely won't know until the day he'd come live with me. Which u know is that foster parent life, but I'm v planful so it's weird

My friend has what she calls a “magic book” on living with anxiety, and summarized a bunch of it for me, figured I’d post it here cuz I know some of you need to read this:

At the end of the day, all people are uncomfortable to some degree with uncertainty. It’s a survival instinct. It’s normal. Anxiety, on the other hand, is when that natural aversion to uncertainty gets out of control. Lots of people have this problem (like yours truly). Lots of people who have this problem are also people who are naturally oriented toward problem-solving; we see the world and all of its situations as problems that need solving and working out. Unfortunately, when the outcome of something important is uncertain, that feels like a problem you should be able to solve. We try to “solve” it by spinning through all the possible outcomes, and *particularly* the worst case scenarios. It’s like the more you go through it, the better prepared you will be should they materialize. But it’s important to remember that anxiety is not a feeling that is connected to the present moment; it can only exist in the past (going over something that’s already happened) or in the future (worrying about something that might happen). But in the moment, if your worst case scenario comes true, you won’t be anxious - you might be disappointed, scared, hurt, etc, but all that anxiety you wasted your time on leading up to that moment will not actually prepare you for those other feelings. They’re unrelated. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that anxiety is your brain tricking you into thinking it’s working toward solving a problem, but really you’re spinning your wheels and doing yourself a disservice. Getting comfortable with uncertainty is much healthier and more productive.

And another thing to reflect on is that anxiety only tends to manifest when there is something so important to your life or identity or goals or whatever that is at stake. If you didn’t care about this job and life change you’re going through, you simply wouldn’t be anxious. The bad feelings are inextricably linked with the fact that you’re working toward making a positive change in your life. You’re on a difficult learning curve and doing something meaningful and so the stakes feel high. This is actually a good thing. It’s a positive thing that you care enough to be anxious, even though it’s manifesting kind of perversely - the reality is that you care a lot because you’re making healthy and exciting changes. The example they use in the book is of the agoraphobe, who wouldn’t feel anxious alone in the countryside if they didn’t really want to be living in the city. They would just happily avoid other people. But if they care about being in a city environment (maybe because they have a job that requires them to be in the city), then they might accept and endure their anxious feelings in order to enjoy that meaningful part of their life/identity. In other words, we only experience anxiety when something important is on the line - otherwise we would just avoid the thing causing the anxious feelings and carry on happily. The fact that you have anxiety means you’re enduring the discomfort of some uncertainty in order to achieve or experience something important to you.

Takeaways: anxiety is normal, natural, but won’t assuage your disappointment if you fail. It just wastes your energy now.

You are working toward something important to you and that is GOOD! You are good. This is good.

My friend has what she calls a “magic book” on living with anxiety, and summarized a bunch of it for me, figured I’d post it here cuz I know some of you need to read this:

At the end of the day, all people are uncomfortable to some degree with uncertainty. It’s a survival instinct. It’s normal. Anxiety, on the other hand, is when that natural aversion to uncertainty gets out of control. Lots of people have this problem (like yours truly). Lots of people who have this problem are also people who are naturally oriented toward problem-solving; we see the world and all of its situations as problems that need solving and working out. Unfortunately, when the outcome of something important is uncertain, that feels like a problem you should be able to solve. We try to “solve” it by spinning through all the possible outcomes, and *particularly* the worst case scenarios. It’s like the more you go through it, the better prepared you will be should they materialize. But it’s important to remember that anxiety is not a feeling that is connected to the present moment; it can only exist in the past (going over something that’s already happened) or in the future (worrying about something that might happen). But in the moment, if your worst case scenario comes true, you won’t be anxious - you might be disappointed, scared, hurt, etc, but all that anxiety you wasted your time on leading up to that moment will not actually prepare you for those other feelings. They’re unrelated. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that anxiety is your brain tricking you into thinking it’s working toward solving a problem, but really you’re spinning your wheels and doing yourself a disservice. Getting comfortable with uncertainty is much healthier and more productive.

And another thing to reflect on is that anxiety only tends to manifest when there is something so important to your life or identity or goals or whatever that is at stake. If you didn’t care about this job and life change you’re going through, you simply wouldn’t be anxious. The bad feelings are inextricably linked with the fact that you’re working toward making a positive change in your life. You’re on a difficult learning curve and doing something meaningful and so the stakes feel high. This is actually a good thing. It’s a positive thing that you care enough to be anxious, even though it’s manifesting kind of perversely - the reality is that you care a lot because you’re making healthy and exciting changes. The example they use in the book is of the agoraphobe, who wouldn’t feel anxious alone in the countryside if they didn’t really want to be living in the city. They would just happily avoid other people. But if they care about being in a city environment (maybe because they have a job that requires them to be in the city), then they might accept and endure their anxious feelings in order to enjoy that meaningful part of their life/identity. In other words, we only experience anxiety when something important is on the line - otherwise we would just avoid the thing causing the anxious feelings and carry on happily. The fact that you have anxiety means you’re enduring the discomfort of some uncertainty in order to achieve or experience something important to you.

Takeaways: anxiety is normal, natural, but won’t assuage your disappointment if you fail. It just wastes your energy now.

You are working toward something important to you and that is GOOD! You are good. This is good.

A few months ago I listened to an episode of the podcast Ologies talking about Fearology (yes that’s a real word lol) that really changed my thinking and helped me get back on the train where I found a job and an apartment and really began living life but I feel like I need to give it a relisten because I’m slipping.

If anyone is interested it’s an interesting interview with a woman professor who studies fears and anxieties, and it legitimately changed my life. I highly recommend it for anyone who is feeling defeated by life and its constant changes.

Edit: it was released april 23/30 2018. Just took me a while to scroll down and find it

I'm gonna find out in a few days if I'm fostering this kid and idk. I'm oddly not nervous? I feel confident I can parent this specific child and I'm even kinda excited?? Idk like it might be nice to focus on something that isn't my own work or existential crisis. I'm of the attitude that if it works out then it works out and if it doesn't that's cool too, but it is weird that I likely won't know until the day he'd come live with me. Which u know is that foster parent life, but I'm v planful so it's weird

This is so awesome, have you fostered kids before? I’ve always had big time admiration for people who do.

This is so awesome, have you fostered kids before? I’ve always had big time admiration for people who do.

I haven't. It's typically a conflict of interest for me because I work in the child welfare system, but this particular child is one that I've known for a while and I think I could manage him. It's a whole hassle cause then they have to make the case sensitive so I can't read anything about the case anymore and blah blah. I filled out the paperwork just to be a child-specific foster parent for this one kid, but we'll see how it goes! I would love to foster regularly in the future when I'm not like a single woman living alone with little support lol

I haven't. It's typically a conflict of interest for me because I work in the child welfare system, but this particular child is one that I've known for a while and I think I could manage him. It's a whole hassle cause then they have to make the case sensitive so I can't read anything about the case anymore and blah blah. I filled out the paperwork just to be a child-specific foster parent for this one kid, but we'll see how it goes! I would love to foster regularly in the future when I'm not like a single woman living alone with little support lol

well you're so wise and caring that I'm sure you'll make an awesome foster mama!

well you're so wise and caring that I'm sure you'll make an awesome foster mama!

Thanks! It'll be kinda weird cause I have court tomorrow on a different case, but after his hearing is when I'll find out for sure (and I won't be at his hearing) so it'll likely just be a coworker saying... You ready to mom it up? So tomorrow will be interesting!

It is SO weird to me that people describe me as happy and cheerful. I think of myself as having a dry sense of humor, monotone sarcastic Daria personality type, but others describe me as smiling and cheerful and it's just interesting how different that perspective is. I imagine that what I feel on the inside is more depressed and exhausted so I assume that's what reflects outwardly, but it does not appear so

So I'm not getting the foster child and I'm totally cool with it but I realized that it was a good motivator for me to get my life together. I cleaned and felt motivated to clean. I was looking forward to something. like in the way that I dgaf when I'm just taking care of me and I'll be lazy and won't follow through, but if there's a bigger purpose I'll get it together. Like it was nice focusing on something that wasn't work or myself. So when I meet with my therapist this week I'm gonna see how I can channel that and be a productive citizen without taking on the responsibility of children

I suck with money, my credit card got declined yesterday so I finally had to force myself to look at my bank statements like a gd adult
as I was looking at my shitty financial situation, I could feel myself teetering towards a spiral of self hatred, but for the first time in maybe ever I managed to not spiral? it’s like I was talking to myself, like “no actually you’re not gonna dunk on yourself. you’re gonna take some deep breaths, you’re gonna text your friend, and you’re gonna be okay.”

Nothing I do will ever be good enough for certain members of my family and it's really starting to wear me down. But they just don't care and would rather put words in my mouth and make assumptions like a bunch of petulant children. It's kind of ironic to me how I'm actually being the mature one

: (

my social anxiety has me wanting to change the coding bootcamp i'm in from classroom to online. its not a good thing since i am going to eventually have to work in similar environments. as of right now i don't know if the anxiety is going to keep me from getting the work done, and i want to wait it out. right now i just wanna bail though

I struggle with communicating with others lately. To me, the way you communicate conflict is through give and take. You acknowledge the other person's perspective while still bringing forth your own. It isn't difficult to speak ur peace while still validating someone else's feelings and experience. I will never understand how some people make it so far in life without this basic skill. It's to the point where I'm so done with the human race. I want to go on a vacation by myself. I'm done navigating conflict and people just taking without giving anything back and people thinking I work pro bono and that it's ok to blur boundaries. Dooooone. I took two days off this month and they can't come fast enough. I just need a break.

I have this thing where I get bad anxiety after the fact. Like last night I went out to my friend's birthday get together and I didn't know anybody but her and I had a good time but now I feel like I might've annoyed her somehow and it's spiralled into feeling like nobody likes me at all!

I have this thing where I get bad anxiety after the fact. Like last night I went out to my friend's birthday get together and I didn't know anybody but her and I had a good time but now I feel like I might've annoyed her somehow and it's spiralled into feeling like nobody likes me at all!

Ugh I'm like this too!! I'll leave an interaction or situation feeling confident and then by the end of the night I've managed to work myself up into anxiety that I've annoyed everyone and screwed something up. But I promise u nobody else is overthinking ur interactions! It's just ur anxiety trying to trick ur brain and take u down!

Ugh I'm like this too!! I'll leave an interaction or situation feeling confident and then by the end of the night I've managed to work myself up into anxiety that I've annoyed everyone and screwed something up. But I promise u nobody else is overthinking ur interactions! It's just ur anxiety trying to trick ur brain and take u down!

I appreciate you saying so! I definitely overthink things especially after I actually try to be outgoing for once

Trusted

I started self harming again and I hate it. And I'm fucking tired of putting on the front that I'm okay when I'm seriously not at all.

This is such a great community to vent your frustration and rant your issues. Sometimes, talking about it helps. Message any one of us if you need anything at all but you have so much to give. Please, don't feel like you're alone here. You belong.