The new almost 60. How the hell did that happen? The girl in the mirror had her whole life ahead of her. And indeed I actually still do have the rest of my life ahead of me. It's all I ever had. All I ever will have.

This isn't an invitation to go pro/con re: marijuana. In fact if you do, you're missing the point. It's an invitation to wake up. It's an invitation to look at the ways we ALL avoid being present. With ourselves. With others.

My dope? The keyboard right beneath my fingers. And one of the reasons you see less of me these days. I still have much to say, but not to the exclusion of being present in my own life.

“I smoked dope every day for twenty years. I thought I was pretty slick. I could smoke while working. I could get high and still run my company. I could pour concrete. I could roof a building. I felt like I could do anything. But it ruined my marriage. I didn’t even realize it until years after my wife left me. But the dope ruined my marriage because it made me content. Nothing could bother me. Her feelings didn’t bother me. Her needs didn’t bother me. The dope put an emotional cover over what should have been obvious. I told myself that if I didn’t see the problem, then it didn’t qualify as a problem. All I ever did was give her advice. I never asked for it. I never once felt the inspiration to say: ‘Darling, I know there’s something wrong. What can I do differently?’” ... See more