You guys? I suck. Like big time. And I'm just not sure there's any hope for me as far as being a successful pet owner goes -- since I'm basically responsible for the demise of the latest additions to our family.

I love dogs. I really do. But I can't handle a dog right now because I'm the only person who is home all day and I don't want to be the one who has to deal with every single aspect of dog rearing. And we can't get a cat because my husband is allergic to them. (Total buzz kill.)

Over the past couple of years, we've had numerous goldfish, all of which have met an untimely death and were given a proper toilet funeral. I refuse to go through yet another burial "at sea," so no more fish for us.

And that's why when my son begged me for another pet a couple of weeks ago, I decided to go the easy route by purchasing him some sea monkeys.

My thought process in selecting our new pets went something along the lines of: "They sell 'em at a toy store, for God's sake -- how hard can it be to sustain these things?"

Apparently a lot tougher than I thought. (Either that or again -- I really suck at life.)

I followed the directions perfectly. I put in the water purification packet. I poured the eggs in 24 hours later. After the little buggers hatched, I waited the full five days to feed them. That was yesterday. And today? Yeah, they're ALL dead. Or at least I think they're dead, because there's no movement in their tank. (I even shook the damn thing a little to make sure -- but still there's nothing whatsoever swimming around in there.)

This morning, when I dropped my son off at camp, he told me he couldn't wait to check on his sea monkeys when he gets home today. Uhhhh -- what the hell am I supposed to tell him? That his mother is so bad at taking care of pets, she managed to kill what has to be one of the easiest things to keep alive?

And I'm sure he'll get over it right after I throw the consolation prize of getting a dog in a couple years his way -- because he's usually satisfied when I put that little bribe idea out there.

But if I can't deal with sea monkeys -- what the fu&% am I supposed to do with said dog when and if it actually enters our lives?

OMG. I already feel sorry for the poor thing and it's not even a done deal yet.

I think I'd better get my act together before then. If we get a dog and something happens to it, I'll never be able to dig my way out of that one.

Do you have any suggestions for an easy pet -- preferably one you can't kill?