Hello Children

Welcome, children. I can guess what's on your mind. You might be asking yourself "where's the candy this creep promised?"

I'm sorry. There is no candy.

Yeah, so I lied. Get over it.

You might also be asking yourself, "why does this man have a vanful of children?" The answer will come in due time, trust me. Actually, don't trust me, because I will only end up betraying that trust time and time again, but rest assured the answers to your annoying questions will come all in due time.

Hey, you kids know what ‘virginity' is? No? That's okay.

You're probably thinking too: "Why are we handcuffed and more importantly why is this man naked and smoking a pipe and reading a newspaper while driving and laughing maniacally?"

I don't know. It's just how I roll, I guess.

HEY QUIET DOWN BACK THERE!!

And in ten minutes, you'll probably ask out loud "why are you touching my no no special place?"

Shhhhhhhh. Shh. It's okay.

You'll be home soon enough. And by home, I mean the cages in my dungeon. Don't worry, there will be extremely loud heavy metal music playing. And whips. Can't forget the whips.