RP: You came back. Date: July 12, 2006Characters: Percy, CassLocation: The ShackPrivate/Public: PrivateRating: G most likely as Cass can barely moveWarnings: ?Summary: Cass woke up alone and while others have been to visit him he can't stop wondering why Percy hasn't been back yet.

From the moment he woke up again - alone - on Friday morning, Cass had not been able to stop glancing at the door. There had been several visitors, Susan especially, who had started out by immediately asking why Linda's cat was at his flat and why she was not in her home. She had been...less than pleased when he'd told her the entire story.

At least her yelling at him had not been quite as bad as Percy's.

Since she left though, Cass had been jumpy. Or as jumpy as he could be with his entire body aching. He'd fallen in and out of sleep more times than he could remember, but every time he woke he looked to the door, and then tried to move. Moving, he needed to remind himself, was not a good idea at the time being.

Why was lying still such a big problem?

Maybe because the only times he did it was when he was injured. Or when Percy was lying next to him, but on those times he had no trouble with not moving.

Come to think of it, he seemed to be a little less restless in general when Percy was there. A little less prone to keep constantly moving about. Even when he read he was usually tapping his foot or fingers or shifting position, or even walking around the room with the book floating in front of him. He looked to the door again as footsteps were heard outside, sighing when they didn't slow and stop.

It was Saturday, Percy hadn't been there since Thursday night. What if he didn't come back to see him until he was better? What if he decided to avoid him again? He didn't like to think like that, but he couldn't help it. He knew he deserved whatever happened, even if he wasn't going to give up trying.

Sighing again he almost wished he could go back to sleep. At least when he slept he wasn't feeling this restless and in need of movement that he couldn't get yet. Fuck, he wished that someone would come by to see him. He wished that Percy would come to see him. Still, right now, he'd settle for just about anyone.

Should have. Yes, he should have. Why the hell hadn't he? But the couldn't dwell on that now. It wouldn't get him anywhere.

'Susan wouldn't tell anyone, Pansy...possibly Harry, but I don't think she did, because she would have told me. Or Harry would have told me or at the very least gone fishing for information to get me to tell or something. Either way, I'd know. Besides, even if Harry did know he would hardly tell Lestrange and he's fucking brilliant at keeping secrets.'

The very thought of Lestrange messing with his life again made him shiver. He wanted that man dead, more than he'd ever wanted anything. And yet he'd not managed to do it when he had the chance but was here instead.

He merely nodded to Percy's words, and tried to look away, not flushing with embarrassment when Percy actually dried his tears. Just from the pain, he told himself again. It wasn't as if he was crying.

When Percy asked him about Susan, he couldn't help but to wonder what he was really asking. Had he ever slept with Susan. Several times. Had he slept with her while with Percy - no.

'I told you I didn't have sex with anyone while I was with you.' Was he lying by not saying the full truth? Should he? Fuck it!

'Before that yes, it happened,' he said, his teeth barely separating. Fuck he hated this!

Percy didn't like Harry Potter. Too much like Dumbledore, too fixated with getting to the Dark Lord and damn the rules and consequences. Too many members of his family had been hurt because of Dumbledore or Potter, but despite his dislike for them, he knew that Potter would never say anything to help the Death Eaters. "All right, but I'll still have to speak to all three of them." He knew it'd be a fight with Bones, a flirting session with Pansy and a friendly chat with Morag, because questioning Morag really wasn't very smart, Head Auror or not.

He lay down and rolled to his side. He threw one arm around Cass's waist. It wasn't that he had forgot or forgiven, but he wanted Cass to understand that his next words weren't dictated by anger. "I believe you. I probably wouldn't have if you had said no." He snorted. "There really is a short list of people with whom you haven't had sex."

He shook his head at the thought. "That's not the point I wanted to make. I- It's probably best if you move in with her. She can take care of you, and she's got feelings for you. It's as obvious as the sun on a clear summer day. You can have something with her, Cass, something real, something that people can know about and that won't put everyone at risk, something that might just savage this situation. She'd get what she wants, Lestrange would have no power over us, and you don't have to hide." It was the perfect solution and a Slytherin would appreciate the simplicity of it all. Percy was counting on it, in fact.

The moment Percy laid down beside him, he felt his body relax as he leaned into the touch. Still it left him bewildered and confused, until Percy spoke, saying he believed him.

For a moment, just a short moment before Percy spoke again he felt as if perhaps, given time, this might work out somehow. Not the same, he wasn't stupid enough to believe that, but something that would have the potential of making them both happy.

And then in one more sentence Percy shredded the hope as easily as he'd taken it and for the longest moment Cass lay immobile, silent, unable to think. Anger he could handle. Jealousy as well. Even distrust because he knew he deserved it.

A blessing for another relationship? How did you respond to that?

He didn't even draw a breath until he realised that he'd forgot to breathe. A harsh sound that split the silence. And even then he couldn't bring himself to answer, to say a single word in response.

He knew he wasn't being fair by using logic with a Slytherin, logic that hurt but was nonetheless valid. Cass wouldn't be able to attack what he was saying, not on an intellectual level, but Percy wasn't stupid enough to think that Slytherins had no feelings or that they couldn't be hurt by what logic hid. Those were stupid notions for school children and he hadn't been one of those for too long. Still, knowing didn't prepare him for the reaction he actually got.

"Breathe. Cass, come on, you need to breathe. Dying now is not an option." Not after waking up after three weeks in a coma.

Percy kept brushing Cass's hair. "It's a good solution, Cass. She cares for you; I know she does, and she'd take care of you even if she's a bit insane, but you seem to like her. You like her enough to have sex with her," he added. "It gets Lestrange off our backs. You go back to work. We're better off this way." He'd go back to being alone, because at this point, it seemed like the only (and somewhat preferable) solution. "I'll be all right."

The words were out of his mouth so fast he didn't know he'd spoken them. 'How can you possibly think that I would be? Or that Susan would be?' he asked his eyes suddenly burning with an anger that surprised him in its strength. Turning his head too sharply and feeling it throb in response, he moved his head from Percy's touch, shied away from it as if every stroke had been a blow. How could Percy possibly even suggest..?

'Your perfect solution wouldn't leave anyone happy. Not you, not me, definitely not Susan. She doesn't love me, not that way, I most definitely don't love her and love was never an issue when it came to sex for me, you know that! I love you, I have only ever loved you and I have never had any desire to be in any other relationship but the one with you. You changed me, my priorities, who I am and now you try to tell me to forget all of it because it would be safer?'

He was nearly shaking with anger, with shock, with pain. He could have handled rejection, but this, this was far more than he was prepared for.

'The safe solution would have been for my father never to follow his heart and be with my mother, but to marry a wealthy pureblood and have legitimate pureblood sons. The safe solution would have been for me to forget my convictions and never joined the Aurors but pretended to agree with the Death Eaters in order to get my grandfather's money. The safe solution is not the right one, it's the one that makes you miserable!'

Collapsing back down, barely aware of how high he had raised his head over the pillow, he was still shaking. 'I never pegged you for a coward,' he whispered.

'Did you mean nothing of what you told me?' he then asked, his voice almost deflated now. 'When you spoke of your parents, of what you saw between them, what you wanted? You said you wanted it all, and you thought I couldn't understand. But I could, because I saw it too, in my parents. I just never thought I'd feel it myself. I could never settle for less than you - I would not be all right.'

"Oh please, Bones salivates when she's around you. Of course she's in love with you," Percy snapped back. Angry Cass, he could deal with a lot better than the sick version, because he didn't have to rein in his own anger now. "I'm sure she's said all the right words, 'you're my friend, I care for you'. Well, if you have eyes and a little objectivity then you'd know that she wants a lot more than friendship." Percy had known it from the start, and had never said anything, never commented after those many visits in his own house, but he didn't have to be quiet anymore because he didn't owe either one anything.

"And I will do what needs to be done. I will certainly be happier knowing that I've not let my dick ruin what Tiberius has created, I've not let Umbridge use this as an excuse to take control of the department. I will be happy knowing that my unfortunate choices won't affect people at large," he added, because now he was on a roll and now he could finally tell Cass a thing or twenty.

"You? Well, we know which one of us was the coward and ended up creating this mess, so don't you fucking give me a lecture. You will do what needs to be done to savage this mess, and if you can come up with a better solution, then I'm all ears, but counting on Lestrange's sense of justice isn't an option." Percy got off the bed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Nice words, Cass, but we aren't our parents, because if we were, you would have trusted me, and we can never be, because I can't trust you now. We don't have what they have and never will, and I'm not risking my name, position and the department to live a life wondering when you're going to lie next."

He regretted his outburst the moment Percy got out of the bed. He was hurting, mostly inside, but also his entire body. Had he been a suicidal man, or even one prone to drama, he would have said that he could have solved the entire thing by choosing death over life. He was neither so he didn't say it, though the thought certainly crossed his mind if only for a fraction of a second.

'Whether you're right or wrong about Susan doesn't matter,' he said, though his voice no longer held any anger, just sorrow. 'I don't want more than friendship, and I don't love her. I won't love her. I most certainly won't be in a relationship with her because it's convenient.'

He flinched when Percy talked of his dick, as if the word itself had struck him. It was hard to keep reminding himself that Percy was angry, that surely he didn't mean to imply that he had never loved in return, because he had. Cass was sure of it. Almost sure of it.

'A better solution?' he asked. 'How about killing the son of the bitch and throwing Umbridge out on her arse? That to me sound like a far better solution than faking a relationship.'

He didn't have any fire to fight though, not even to try. He was tired, in pain, and he most of all wanted to curl up on himself and try to find a way to forget the pain. Only he couldn't curl up on himself because moving caused him pain, though he doubted it would be worse, especially as Percy went on, stressing how little he could trust him.

'I-' he sighed, his voice frail and tired when he spoke again. 'I don't know what to do here Percy. I don't know what you want from me. I know I was wrong. I know I betrayed your trust, but I never lied to you before this happened, and I will never lie to you again. I made a mistake, a terrible, horrible mistake that I would give almost anything to take back.' He wanted to say more, but he felt his voice crack, and to actually cry would be worse than just getting a few tears in his eyes. He blinked it away, leaving his eyes closed, waiting for Percy to talk, or come closer or simply leave. He didn't dare to move, was too tired and exhausted and drained to think of trying. For the outside onlooker he might as well have fallen back into the coma again for how still he was.

He thought that whether he was right about Bones mattered very much. He was also pretty sure that while their dislike for each other had been instantaneous, their friendship for Cass kept it alive. They were like little kids fighting for Cass's attention, not even consciously, but Percy had grown up in a house with six siblings and he knew how that worked.

"Killing Lestrange had crossed my mind once or twice even before this incident," Percy said acerbically. "If you could let me know how to do that, I'd really appreciate it. You might even get a nice medal for it." He rolled his eyes. "Cass, I need something practical, something that we can use, because I don't want this to blow up in my face. It's a lot more than my life at stake here."

He moved closer and rested his fists on the mattress as he leaned toward Cass. "And I don't know how I can't believe that you never lied before and won't again. How do I know that the next time that there is a problem, you won't try something like this again? How, Cass? You keep talking, you tell me you love me, and yet, I haven't even met your mother. Bones has, though. So maybe my idea isn't so far fetched, and maybe you just like the idea of us together."

He was grateful when he heard Percy speak rather than leave, and even more so when he felt him move closer. Hesitating for a moment, he finally looked up at him, wishing he'd know what to do.

'I don't have all the answers, or even enough of them, but I know in my heart that giving up just isn't the right one.'

He paused, a bit surprised that Percy wanted to meet his mum. It hadn't occurred to him that he might see it as he was preferring Susan, though when he looked at it now he guessed he could see the point.

'Percy, I-' he sighed. 'If I could, I'd take you to meet her now, only-' a flicker of pain crossed his face as he left the sentence unspoken. 'I do wish you could have met her, she would have liked you, I think.'

He let his hand glide over to where Percy's fists were resting, the movement small enough not to bring him pain as he covered on of Percy's hands with his. 'Susan found out about mum when Fenrir and his pack attacked the area she lived in. I went there first, before joining the battle, to get her out to safety. Susan caught me trying to sneak off and wouldn't let me leave unless I took her with me. She wouldn't even have known of her otherwise, let alone met her.'

'She only met her again because mum invited her over my head, not because I brought her there or initiated it. You can even ask her of that.' He paused, trying to read the expression on Percy's face.

'You were the one I told. The one I chose to trust, not because I had no other choice but because I simply trusted you with what at the time was most important secret in my life.'