Wow. I've read this website for years and feel like I know a lot of you (older) guys personally yet I've never even posted an introduction. All things in due time I guess

Man I remember the first time stumbling on this website in college. Within 4 weeks of reading the Kidd's writing I could literally see reality change in front of me. I was in a frat and decent looking enough so I wasn't too far off myself, but the things I learned here were life changing.

I slept with a lot of girls. Literally was jumping buildings. It was like I could read their minds. I eventually ended up dating a sorority girl and started out strong, but we all know how the story goes. Does anyone ever get it right the first time anyway? lol. I fucked that up and had to rebuild the mindset and find the way again. (Also caught chlamydia along the way. thank god it's one of the easiest to deal with. use condoms gents)

Ended up moving to a big city after college and got a great job. I credit the mindset for that as well. I also recently stumbled across a peregrinus post about the parallels of the job search and women. Interesting post.

Eventually started dating literally the girl of my dreams in the city. I swear. Great ass, sex machine, similar taste in music etc etc But eventually things started changing as they always do. I guess I got comfortable. There were signs. I didn't finish how I started. Whatever.

Side story: I remember when that relationship ended back around November of last year and I was kinda losing it on the inside but trying to keep it cool on the outside. I desperately needed to get my mind right and rushed to the forum. Only it wasn't there. Some sort of error. The website was down. I literally panicked. I'd always had this place kinda like my ace in my back pocket. A place to come and replenish. And then it wasn't there.

I don't know if you guys know about something called the Wayback Machine. It's like an archiver for the web. I searched every post I could find and tried to piece them together. It was enough to get me started back on the path and I started bouncing back on my own. Kinda got me wondering if there is a backup or something of these posts. I think some of them are that important.

Anyway. Interestingly enough about 2 months later that ex magically reappeared in my life. I guess whatever option she was riding on fell through. I didn't bet on it but I kinda expected it haha. We ended up hooking up a few times. I'm pretty sure she was still "dating" whatever guy she was with too. Women I tell ya. I wised up rather quickly this time around and cut it off with her and blocked her. I guess I just need some space to find myself again and get back on my own path.

Anyway, that's a long intro I guess. Back here starting from scratch rebuilding the foundation. But even more solid this time. Like a young jedi. Learning to master the force.

The first time around I think I was more focused on "using" these things to get women or get my way. I eventually stumbled into indifference and non attachment the hard way. But I wasn't there for long. I know what it feels like though. It's incredibly freeing.

We all fall down, its inevitable... Its how you get up afterwards that matters.

_________________In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Thanks grinus. You're right. It's how we get back on that matters. I've internalized that

Midas, after some good thinking I did realize what it was that got me. It was the connected sex. And my attachment to it. I'm a very sexual person from the get go and so was she. But we connected physically like nothing else I've ever experienced (she said the same and her actions backed it up as far as I could see. Always wanting to rip my clothes off everywhere)

I even slept with other women during some of our "intermissions" ha and it wasn't the same as with her. We hardly used condoms when we were together. I remember the first time we didn't use a condom, I swear my soul connected to her haha yeah, a little exaggerated, but you know what I mean.

I played it cool too, didn't say a word to her (couldn't let her know the sex was that good) but THEN SHE DESCRIBED THE EXACT SAME THING THAT I HAD FELT! In almost the same words. I couldn't believe it and thought I had an X factor

I became rather attached to it. I can see it clearly now in hindsight. That's when all the other shit creeps in. Fear of losing her (and the amazing sex and connection that I couldn't seem to find elsewhere), insecurities, questions etc etc. Shit that I had handled (or thought I had handled earlier)

So I guess it's back to the gym. Back to the pushups (mentally AND physically)

Welcome back. Maintenance never ends. Though you probably know this, don't worry about being attached to attachment so much. You'll be fine.

_________________"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."

That must have been a shock seeing the site go down. I think someone said they backed up the site at one point but I don't know if anyone still is. It's a good idea, we're too small to attract much attention but at some point someone may take interest in us.

_________________A truly powerful Man jealously guards his most precious resources; his independence and his ability to maneuver. True power isn’t controlling others, but the degree to which you control the course of your own life and your own choices. -Rational Male

_________________In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

That must have been a shock seeing the site go down. I think someone said they backed up the site at one point but I don't know if anyone still is. It's a good idea, we're too small to attract much attention but at some point someone may take interest in us.

I have the db and do a back up every three weeks or so. No need to worries.

I eve
I played it cool too, didn't say a word to her (couldn't let her know the sex was that good) but THEN SHE DESCRIBED THE EXACT SAME THING THAT I HAD FELT! In almost the same words. I couldn't believe it and thought I had an X factor

Yeah so? Nothing in common
Everything is unrepeatable, this W is not this W

I eve
I played it cool too, didn't say a word to her (couldn't let her know the sex was that good) but THEN SHE DESCRIBED THE EXACT SAME THING THAT I HAD FELT! In almost the same words. I couldn't believe it and thought I had an X factor

Yeah so? Nothing in common
Everything is unrepeatable, this W is not this W

_________________"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."

@Flux that makes a lot of sense (of course it does grinus wrote it) I have to reread that X factor post now. I definitely was looking at it from a limited perspective

I'm more excited than anything really. I feel in control again. I know I have a way to go but I'm looking forward to the journey.

@fufe Trust me. This is about way more than women. I knew I hadn't been living up to my best version of myself. I'm really looking to max out my potential in a couple areas (physically, career wise, side business wise, financially, mentally ie inner peace)

@Jared - Speaking of max potential I actually started reading that Brian Tracy Maximum Achievement book. I think you had recommended it in a post somewhere. Feels very timely

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