Sedaris entertains seniors with fanciful tales of Princeton's past

Humorist David Sedaris delighted members of the class of 2006 at
Princeton University's Baccalaureate service on Sunday, June 4, with a
fanciful tale describing what Princeton was like when he was a student.

"When I went to Princeton, things were completely different," Sedaris
deadpanned. "I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ."

"Back then we were on a pass-fail system," he continued. "If you
passed, you got to live. And if you failed, you were burned alive on a
pyre that is now the transgender studies building." The system "kept
you on your toes," he insisted. "If I'd been burned alive because of
bad grades, my parents would have killed me."

Baccalaureate, an interfaith worship service, dates to 1760 and is one
of Princeton's oldest traditions. Held in the University chapel, it
includes prayers and readings reflecting the diversity of religious
life at Princeton. A "sermon" or address is given by a speaker chosen
by the president after discussion with class leaders.

Sedaris, who actually graduated from the School of the Art
Institute of Chicago, is an author who has used self-deprecating humor
and sharp wit to write about his foibles and those of his family to
hilarious effect.

"If laughter is the best medicine for what ails us, then David Sedaris
is a physician extraordinaire," said President Shirley M. Tilghman in
her introduction of the speaker. Sedaris is the author of the
best-sellers "Barrel Fever" and "Holidays on Ice," as well as
collections of personal essays "Naked" and "Me Talk Pretty One Day." He
won the Thurber Prize for American Humor in 2001.

In his speech, Sedaris conjured a fictional era of Princeton history in
which students attended modesty seminars, majored in patricide and took
classes from a fortune teller.

He recounted his parents' ecstatic reaction to the news that he would
be attending Princeton. His father outfitted himself in "a Princeton
breastplate and a Princeton night cap" and wore a sandwich board that
said, "Ask me where my son went to college." He also drove a wagon with
a bumper sticker that read, "I hold my horses for Ivy League schools,"
Sedaris told the audience.

But when Sedaris informed his parents that he was thinking of majoring
in comparative literature, they were not pleased. "Dad followed his
'I'm so disappointed' speech with a lecture on career opportunities.
'You're going to study literature and get a job doing what?' he said.
'Literature-izing?'"

After Sedaris graduated, he said, "I went back home -- an Ivy League
graduate with four years of dirty laundry and his whole life ahead of
him. 'What are you going to do now?' my parents asked. And I said,
'Well, I was thinking of washing some of these underpants.' That took
six months."

Eventually the wayward graduate ended up publishing a book of stories
about his family, proving, said Sedaris, that we never know what the
future will hold. "Stuff comes up, weird doors open, people fall into
things," he told the seniors.

The Baccalaureate service was Webcast live and will be available for later viewing on the Webmedia site. End-of-the-year activities will continue with Class Day on Monday and Commencement on Tuesday.