Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hoya Semen, And A Lot Of It

Just imagine for a second receiving this e-mail. You see that you've got an e-mail from ResLife or University Housing or whatever it may be and you're thinking of the million reasons as to why you might be fucked. The booze they found, the drugs they confiscated, the dead hooker under your bed. Semen pipe cloggage isn't exactly the first thing that pops in your head, is it?

"We have encountered such clogs before, but never in this quantity." Two parts to that sentence. First, they're making it sound as though students are clogging the shit out of pipes with semen every weekend, and second, that these guys are producing Tiger Woods style volumes of it. Like I'm imagining maintenance guys in hazmat suits or something. "As you are probably aware, semen is not water-soluble." As you apparently aren't aware, nobody is aware of that. That's why students at your school are racking up $700 jizz bills.

But you have to love the last bit too. Basically as if to say, "Guys, we're fine with you jerking off like wild hyenas, just please do it at your desk and not in the shower."

It could be real...when I visited the University of Minnesota the boys bathrooms had signs on the doors saying "STOP MASTURBATING IN THE SHOWERS!" and at the bottom it said "Please masturbate in your own rooms."

happened in CLXF last semester... there was a letter posted that said "Attention CLXF Residents: The hot water was out for an extended period of time recently due to a clogging of the drains. It has become evident that this was caused by an excessive build up of bodily fluids in the pipes. In order to prevent this problem we ask you to refrain from masturbating in the showers. Thank you for your cooperation."

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