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The month of October is a big month for us for celebrations and honoring, including our anniversary, Dave’s birthday, Cosmo’s transition, when we moved into the Magick Bus and began our RV adventure leaving behind everything, when I sold my amazing Hunab Ku Toyota Highlander Hybrid that took me on many an adventure safely, a month of cherished friends’ birthdays and transitions, and our moving back to our home in Lake Tahoe. I’ll be sharing a bit more of some of these as the days go on, but today is a day I want to give some words to, as it marks a 9 year cycle for us together that closes a chapter on our lives and opens a new one.

Today is our anniversary of coming together and although we experienced years of mixed challenge that likely could have taken us a different direction many times, we find ourselves continuing together, stronger than ever.

I know that many fantasize and hope or intend for their version of ideal in a relationship….the movie screen romance….that state of constant bliss…..or some idea of “spiritual” perfection….Why? Because I’ve heard it from many, I see it in things people share online, and because I have been there.

But I’ve found that it is the relationships that take you through every nook and cranny of your heart and soul, to the depths of challenge and to the shadows of personal reflection at the core, which truly create richness, fulfillment, and solidity, individually and as a partnership.

You don’t have to live this “spiritual ideal” of a life to have and share a beautiful relationship. In fact, I know of many and see many “spiritual” people who move through more partners than the world of celebrities do. Nothing wrong with that, of course, as we do change and so change can constitute moving on when that becomes necessary to one’s personal growth and well being. And there is no one way relationships need to look or be and yet, it is curious to me in the stories I’ve heard and in my own years of experience with this, how spiritual ego can sometimes overlook the beauty and gift the challenges are reflecting that may in fact bring us closer to our relationship to ourselves and All That Is, if we are willing to go as far and as deep as the relationship is asking of us. Sometimes we stop before we get there, much as we give up on dreams or intentions we’ve been working on right when we needed to just go that extra mile and it would happen.

That’s not to say that every relationship is meant to last, nor should it, but each one is opportunity for utmost vulnerability and transparency so that we may journey to ever-greater personal integrity and grace of being.

Some connections can be past life or beyond intensified to help us to move through things, clear and heal soul patterns, or are there to simply recognize for what they are, but aren’t necessarily ones for the “now” to move forward with.

Some souls simply can’t meet us at that level of commitment and responsibility that it will take to get there, but there are many that can, will, and do rise to the occasion, if we are doing our work just as much as we desire them to do theirs. The key being, doing OUR work and not trying to change the other person or force them to do what we ourselves cannot. Walking the walk will produce the most authentic experiences of either them meeting us at that bridge, or making the choice that it’s just too much and not for them.

And this is where I’ve found myself in gratitude of this relationship I share with Dave. We’ve been at many crossroads during our times together and yet each time it asked of me/us to go deeper and further, we eventually did. It didn’t happen easily or overnight, especially in the beginning, as we both came together at times of huge personal transformation we met each other with, which yanked us hard in many directions and had us exploring everything to its depths individually and together.

What I found, however, is that when I was willing to look most vulnerably and responsibly at myself and walk the walk in every way, that was the ultimate game-changer.

I share this, as I feel it is important for us to understand that everything in life now asks of these things from us consistently across the board. If we want a particular “anything” then we must be willing to go to the depths of our core most honestly and with the greatest level of conscious responsibility we can muster up in every new moment.

I want to honor and celebrate what has been an incredible 9 year journey with Dave and it feels like we are at another precipice of possibility taking place right now.

We’ve been through The Tower, The Devil, The Hanged Man, The Death, The Fool cards….you name it and I feel as if The Star and The World cards are coming into being now. The last couple of years really shifted things into several octaves higher for sure when together we took leaps into the unknown of individual and shared journeys of the heart.

Next Friday, the 27th will celebrate Dave’s first breath on Earth, this go around, but it is every day and every timeless moment he’s cherished and celebrated.

Equally so is today, the 22nd, cherished and celebrated as the moment we decided in spirit upon changing our lives forever and ending the repetitive patterns we both had experienced. The moment somewhere in our heart and soul did a part of us know this would be our chance to go beyond….our chance to change everything….and our knowingness on a spirit level that if it wasn’t now and with this opportunity within each of us, it might never be. It wouldn’t be easy and it wouldn’t be bliss, but it would be possible depending upon how much our souls had had enough.

We’ve been through it all, the worst and the best, the challenge and the flow, yet we never gave up, embraced the mirror we reflected to each other to transmute within ourselves, didn’t listen to what others thought, and instead paved our own way through life and with each other – our efforts showering us with gifts in abundance.

But no other adventure has been grander than these last two years, as we jumped together into the great outdoors to discover the depths of ourselves and our bond by turning things inside out and upside down, revealing the root of love’s true power to create miracles.

Dave literally saved my life last year and believed and nurtured me to follow my dreams and step into the most empowered embodiment of my essence I have ever been.

I’ve loved watching him blossom and reveal more of who he really is….the deep thinker, the adventurer, the silly playful child, the lover of nature and protector of animals, the poet, the creative, the sensitive, the passionate, the intellectual, the generous giver, the tender, the strong, the one who has been able to help me grow the most by challenging me with everything I need and helping me to finally find that peaceful balance.

That’s what a true, loving partner is.

It is pretty amazing, but no wonder that we are celebrating this ending and beginning of a cycle with our new dream home coming into manifestation, which we closed on two days before October – bringing another thing into celebration for this month, as we also just began our remodeling in the last couple of weeks.

It’s an incredible journey for sure, and I know the best times are now and yet to come, as we have both individually and together, worked through the biggest hurdles of this lifetime and are now ready to embark on a completely new reset of creations and experiences that only hinge on the now and focus on a whole new and unknown future.

Here’s to making more exciting memories on the next adventure we’re embarking on.

I’m grateful for this day when we both decided to show up, stand up, rise to the occasion, and say no more, I’m ready to go the length and do what ever it takes, I’m ready to be all that I can be, I’m ready to create a new reality, and I’m in, all the way.

Another awesome video from Preston Smiles that will also hit home for many of you I feel.

I couldn’t NOT share this one, as this topic is so prevalent for everyone and comes up so much in my sessions with clients or conversations with friends where they are wanting support with relationships and being able to draw in that special someone.

Many go about things in backwards ways, don’t realize the undercurrents of their quest that are running the show, or don’t understand why they can’t be with someone they feel is the reflection of the “One” they would like to be with.

You must be your own “One” to be with another “One”.

Preston shares what being that means.

And, as he points out, it’s not just about romantic relationships, but you can utilize and tweak these steps to work for any relationship – business partners, friends, clients, etc. that you want to align yourself with.

And for some people, the “One” may mean different things…or you may have several of them throughout your life.

No matter how that is relative to you, make sure your “One” is foremost yourself.

The rest will fall into place after.

Although you may have heard these things, it takes several times to really get it sometimes. And then more time to actually put it into practice.

Remember practicing what you know is far more valuable than just saying you know it.

So here are some of those reminders again and Preston shares them so beautifully and makes it easy to understand.

Below you will find a timely post that my sweet friend and fellow Reiki Master Teacher, Denise Sheehan of Sage Spirit Coaching shared as a guest blog today by Alluvia Love on new ways of relating from a place of unconditional love. But first, I wanted to share some of my own feelings that her article and recent conversations brought to mind.

There are many ways to “be” in relationship and more and more people are discovering what speaks most naturally to who they are, as they continue to process, work with shadow energy, and start releasing old definitions and conditioning discovered through their personal exploration. This opens up an expansive experience where each person can choose how to create the kinds of enriching relationships that feed their individual and unique souls.

People are feeling freer, more empowered, and joyful when they realize they no longer have to live by certain standards and expectations, and they let go of pressures and unnecessary roles they “have” to play.

The unconventional is becoming more conventional in some ways, as more people embrace their trueness.

Getting married, having children, and finding that “one” person is so beautiful, enriching and wonderful to both the individual and all whom that person touches, yet it isn’t for everyone and isn’t the only or “right” way.

What is ALSO beautiful is knowing who you are, embracing, embodying, and sharing that in the way most expressively mirroring of you and how that translates in the form of relationships and creative “birthing” energy, which makes you a powerful and valuable investor of energy into the collective pool as well, helping to enrich others’ lives because you are living authentically.

As the masks and illusions drop away, we are left with the creative freedom to reinvent our lives, work, relationships, and fulfillment from a place of love within our hearts that speaks to each of us, as is perfect and aligned with personal and collective evolution. However that translates is perfect.

It’s interesting, but not surprising that this post came in today when I was actually sharing about my own way of relating and approaching relationships with a couple of dear people in my life. I’ve been in many relationships and have experienced a lot over the course of my life, playing out things that were not me and me, moving in and out of exploring it all to discover what feels most naturally reflective and mirroring of who I am.

When I didn’t understand myself fully because of being so energetically impressionable and unable to decipher me from others, I fell into roles that ultimately were uncomfortable, unsatisfying, painful, and confining – at times even detrimental to my health, well being, and chosen path I came to live out. Ultimately learning that I find my own satisfaction within my own experience and that relationships are something I choose to share in, but not that I need something from.

I don’t view relationships as needing to supply me with any or all things because I know that is only satisfied by my relationship with myself, which allows me the experience of giving and receiving from that well of wholeness I feel within.

Over the course of my life I have given a lot energetically away to others, as I know many of you have as well, and I’ve learned to give to, and love, myself now. In receiving that nurturing from me, it ultimately results in a reflection of receiving from others as well, in a healthy and perfectly mirroring way without “needs” and attachments.

And like many of you, I’ve tried to go against a lot that I intuitively felt and this has only brought sadness and disappointment because I would try to make something happen that simply wasn’t possible, or had expectations rather than allowing, releasing, and focusing on my own shifts. Eventually this leads me back to a greater understanding of myself, which never is about any one person or relationship, but what that reflects about the core of who I am.

I only have issue with this when I start to define things and place myself in a box that I am never going to fit into or when I focus on things conditionally or in limited perspective to my usual expansive ways of seeing. This takes me to a place that is not of my nature and essence, although is a healthy exploration of shadow and things that come up from others around me that get triggered.

We all have a choice about how we want to create our lives and experiences to be and perhaps that will evolve continually for you, or you’ll find one way that feels most resonating for life and grow within that particular experience played out.

I think the key is to love one another no matter what we choose and to do our best not to add to the pressures, judgments, or criticisms of one another if in fact what someone chooses is completely opposite or incomprehensible to you.

We cannot know, nor live, the journey each person is on and what is important and healthy for them to do. But we can love each other regardless because that is what love is all about, afterall – it does not see with bias.

Anyway, here is Alluvia Love with her insights on new relationships in her article, “Letting Love Lead”:

Relationships/connections are primarily about Love over any individual’s needs and when Love is allowed to lead, individual needs are met. This is possible because Love, and not ego, determines the way individual needs are met in accordance with the needs of the Universal whole. ~ Alluvia Love

Humanity is entering a new relationship paradigm. The new way of connecting with another human has nothing to do with rights, ownership, expectation or exclusivity. It is about learning to let Love lead, about trusting an abundant and life-affirming Universe, and about service to Gaia.

Does the idea of losing control of the other humans around you bring terror? Let your fear guide you to your limiting beliefs about what is a human being and what is our natural role in connecting with one another. If you look around you will see that the only being you can control and own is yourself. Every other being will come and go and live and die on their own path. Even if they make a promise to always be there, it will not be true in a physical sense. Truly we cannot own anything because it is all a temporary manifestation of a life-affirming Universe in which change is the only rule.

Humans seek to create certainty in an uncertain river of life. We create insurance contracts, employment contracts and marriage contracts. Human agreements don’t mean anything to the natural world which will burn, erupt, erode and die. This is what the paradigm shift is all about. Humans have gone too far against nature and the Universe is requiring us to realign with the natural world in order to survive as a species. The paradigm shift is about reclaiming our true human nature so that we can co-exist peacefully and beneficially with Gaia.

So the new paradigm relationship work for humans is all about reclaiming self in connectivity with Gaia. In rediscovering our true sacred nature as humans and our unique life paths as individual sovereign beings in service to the Whole, we also rediscover and reclaim our ability to connect in a life-affirming way with other humans.

By claiming the self, you learn how to stay in a dedicated space of ritual with your own being. It means that everything you’re living makes sense because it honours everyone at the same time. It honours you and it honours the other person. It frees them from responsibility to make you happy, to have sex with you, to marry you, to give you children, or to be in some way present for you – supporting you financially, emotionally or in any other way. It says, “I’m going to do all this for myself. I’m going to live this in a way that makes sense to me. Every moment from this time forward, my own honouring is my primary focus. If I honour my field in integrity, I live in a fullness that makes me awaken all the time to my own capacities and potentials.” You are creating a reality so that the other person can respond to you from that set of circumstances.

Reclaiming self is the service we all commit to one another in any form of relationship. It is our highest service to “other” and to Gaia. Self-realization takes us out of victim mode (I need you) and stands us firmly in our personal power (I am complete and I want to share my capacity with you). The empowered human always has a unique potential to share, and nothing to demand or expect or exclude.

Exclusion is an old paradigm concept. New paradigm is inherently interconnected and therefore all-inclusive. That doesn’t mean we have to allow what we don’t enjoy in our immediate surroundings. It means we serve the highest purpose for everyone involved. That means if two humans cannot enjoy one another, then they will physically separate themselves by a distance so as not to diminish the vibration/capacity of either. This is an act of courtesy and not fear. Ultimately we will all cease to fear one another. The empowered human has nothing to fear in relationship because she is already complete. Anything the sovereign allows into her realm is Joy to her because she lets Love lead.

This is a great article about creating the kind of strong relationships that will flourish, be enriching, and long-lasting. Thanks Laura for sharing and for your additional comments.

I feel that the insights are for any kind of relationship, not just marriages, and not just for romantic connections either.

From my own experiences the insights from research shared in this article are indeed things I’ve come to find extremely true and important to what cultivates a healthy relationship that either has the potential to be long term or not.

I believe true intimacy comes from things like being present, patient, having gentle kindness, sharing genuine engagement and interest, a lot of vulnerable, authentic and loving communication, mutual respect and honor, and as the article shares – active constructive responding.

This is a great read with helpful insights to implement into your daily relating.

This is a link to a copyrighted piece in the Atlantic regarding the importance of kindness in marriages or long term relationships. It goes beyond the obvious and gives some well-researched insights into why relationships flourish or fall apart. I will say that from my own experience in relationships and especially from what I hear day in, day out in sessions, this article rings true. Click here to read “Masters of Love.”

Like this:

When you truly give up trying to be whole through others, you end up receiving what you always wanted from others. ~Shakti Gawain

Do you find yourself looking for someone or something to complete you and never feel that you can be happy until you have that perfect partner, friend, job, or thing?

Or do you find yourself content and fulfilled whether on your own or not, or in any given situation?

So many of us have spent a good portion of our lives looking for these puzzle pieces to a puzzle that never was missing a piece to begin with.

You are already capable of being whole in the here and now, as you already are, but simply forgot.

Be the love you seek. Be the joy you desire. Be the peace you crave. Be the wholeness you are looking for.

Yes, we’ve heard it all before…self-love is key to fulfilling relationships and experiences. And yet many of us still keep searching….

Expecting love from others is setting yourself up for disappointment. Expectations of any sort create disappointment.

And, you’ll always attract people and things that reflect something to help remind you of your wholeness – person or thing, or not.

When you can love yourself enough to hold your own light AND darkness, then you can do the same for others and you come to a point of being able to extend radical compassion to everyone you encounter and relate with, especially yourself.

If you empower others with being the source of your needs, desires, and fulfillment, then you will never get anywhere, as humans are fallible and each has their own experiences to go through. So you end up choosing to be in whatever state they are in, rather than choosing your own.

It is your responsibility to be responsible about your life. When you displace power to others to be your source for anything or everything, it becomes easy to place blame elsewhere or find excuses and scapegoats for embracing your own growth.

If you give someone that kind of power over you, who really is responsible for that?

Relationships are powerful growth facilitators, but the key is in continuing to develop your own individuality, independence, and sense of self during the process of relating, learning, and loving. Your personal growth never ceases to be important and it isn’t just for yourself that you do this, but for the greater good, as well as the beauty and grace of your relationships with others.

Cultivating and nurturing your own passions, having some alone time, and time with friends outside of your relationship, really enhances the relationship. When you complete you, you’re in for a truly amazing union with another, as then you are purely there to enjoy each other and in so doing, enhance the quality of the companion you’ve attracted (or will attract) and the time and/or life you share with them. You can shift things instantly within your current relationship as well, the minute you start pointing the power back to yourself and being your own source.

And, when you stop trying to heal and “fix” others, which really is a subconscious cry to heal yourself, you will also start creating things you want more rapidly and come to experience greater and enduring quality of life because you are healing the source, rather than a reflection of it – efficiency and effectiveness at its best.

Since we attract reflections of ourselves in others, as you complete you, the people you attract will start reflecting more of what you always hoped for because you no longer displace your power and now walk in the grace of those things yourself.