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It’s a Sign!

I'm pretty sure I'm a Libra. Like the lady here, I'm often seen carrying scales of my own. It's quite a balancing act.

Curses! Someone call the Zodiac police or, better yet, get the Zodiac Killer on the phone. Apparently, it’s the dawning of a new age of Aquarius or, should I say, Ophiuchus. (Which, by the way, can anyone pronounce?) I am absolutely beside myself! Livid, if you must know. In fact, I’m nearly speechless! Simply because I need to know:

Who had the bright idea of messing with my zodiac sign?

Now, I’m no devout follower of astrology, but I’ve always taken it for a fact that I am a Libra. Sure, I was born on the cusp, somewhere between Virgo and Libra. But most astrology sections of newspapers and magazines have me pegged for a Libra and I believe them. Clearly, that is the sign that suits me best. Let me assure you that I have more Libra qualities in my little pinky than a genuine Virgo has in their entire body. Indeed, I take great pride in my Libra-isms!

I am balanced, diplomatic and urbane, don’t you think? I am sociable, too (as long as no one bothers me in the morning or on weekends). Here’s what I’m not: modest and shy, meticulous and analytical—all traits of a Virgo. So, ergo, I’m no Virgo.

And yet, suddenly I am not on the cusp but, rather, decidedly smack in the middle of Virgo territory. It’s as if someone has stolen my identity! For, according to some hapless astronomers, who shall remain nameless, I’ve been cut to the quick–snatched from the comfort of my Libra persona. Which makes me persona non grata. See if I continue to believe in what lies in the stars!

As Maureen O’Connor, explains in Gawker.com, these astronomers have restored the original Babylonian zodiac by recalculating the dates that correspond with each sign in order to accommodate millennia of subtle shifts in the Earth’s axis. Whew! Did you get all that? I certainly didn’t, so I still don’t understand why these astronomers had to change the Zodiac calendar and of all things, add a new zodiac sign, Ophiuchus. Five paragraphs later, and I still don’t know how to say that! Anyway, for those who do want to be in the know, here’s the revised calendar:

My kids have been reassigned too. Sarah went from being a Pisces to an Aquarius and Josh, who used to be an Aries, is now a Pisces. Which is ironic because Sarah was the fish in our family, spending countless summers swimming in the pool and at the beach. Whereas, Josh, not so much.

Well, I for one, plan to stick with the old Zodiac calendar. I’m too set in my ways, (though, I must say, I remain as balanced as the Libra scales), to do anything else. So I will be boycotting the new zodiac calendar (and that goes for you, Ophiuchus!), and that means no one better call me a Virgo.

And as for the astronomers who brought back the Babylonian zodiac, well, as far as I’m concerned, they’re all on notice!

No, nothing that I posted, just that they’ve been studying their sign and have lived by the prophets and the stars tell all and their chakra is out of wack now and they’ll have to rearrange all their furniture…well you get my drift.