How to Live and Die by Bacon

By Victoria Banegas

Finding Necessity in Meat

Food is often associated with nostalgia so why not buy products reminiscent of one of America’s most cherished foods? According to a Huffington Post article by scientist and avid foodie, Darya Pino, “Orthorexia, Bacon Worship and the Power of Food Culture,” Americans consistently want to become healthier and lose weight but don’t want to invest in or commit to leading a healthy lifestyle. With food, specifically junk food, being one of America’s most cherished commodities, the best way to avoid over-consumption is to surround yourself with inedible products that remind you of your favorite guilty pleasure.

Out of all the endless amounts of mouth-watering food to choose from, why choose bacon? Because bacon is beautiful! It may seem a bit extreme, but if you take a quick look around the Internet, its growing cult phenomenon is undeniable. And if you didn’t already know, the wide array of bacon-based lifestyle products to choose from may surprise you. People love it so much that bacon can now be found in every room of your house. Let’s start where you’d least expect it, in the bedroom.

Mixing pleasure with protection, J&D’s condoms have created a bacon flavored condom that’s lubricated inside and out with a water-based, bacon-flavored lubricant and comes complete with bacon print on it. After “the porking” has completed, be sure to wash up with your bar of bacon soap and keep your teeth and gums happy with bacon flavored toothpaste and floss. The true bacon-maniac will even dawn a bacon print and scented tuxedo (that’ll run you about $100 if you’re interested).

Moving right along, we get to the traditional haven for bacon, the kitchen. We no longer simply cook and consume bacon, we live it. Cafepress.com has a variety of bacon inspired items, ranging from pint glasses to travel mugs and even tiled coasters; all branded with the slogan “Keep Calm and Eat Bacon.” Although these products do not resemble or smell like bacon, they still make your love and commitment to bacon blatantly apparent.

The place to go if you really want to dedicate yourself and join the bacon-crazed nation has got to be Archie Mcphee’s, where all of your bacon-obsessed fantasies come true. Everything has been bacon-fied: bacon Band-Aids, bacon scented air freshener (in both spray and car freshener form), bacon lip balm, bacon sunscreen, bacon candy, Mr. Bacon’s Big Adventure Board Game . . . you get the idea. Basically anything you can imagine being bacon scented, themed or flavored is stocked in this bacon-based inventory.

There’s no denying that bacon is everywhere. So much so that you don’t even need to eat it in order to enjoy it in all of its greasy glory. If you love bacon but your lifestyle doesn’t call for bacon suits, aprons or coffins, try one of the thousands of bacon flavored products available for consumption. They may not actually be bacon, but I’ll bet you a pig’s belly it’s a close second.