Worker Who Forgot Email Attachment Expects Coworkers To Forgive Her Just Like That

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MILWAUKEE—Frequently choking back tears, African-American computer technician Michael Shaw bid an emotional goodbye to his wife and 6-year-old son before making his morning commute Thursday, sources confirmed.

NEW YORK—After reviewing the job candidate’s impressive educational background, research experience, and work history, hiring managers at Geneventis Pharmaceuticals reportedly flat-out asked female applicant Caitlyn Heard today about how much mileage they can get out of her before she has a baby.

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

EAU CLAIRE, WI—Growing increasingly exasperated by the animal’s indifference to his attempts at affection, local man Joe Dooney told reporters Friday that he didn’t know what else he could do to get his cat, Harvey, purring.

HOBOKEN, NJ—In a concerted effort to eliminate any possibility of perceived resentment or antagonism, local account manager Jessica Koerper reportedly cycled through a variety of non-threatening voice inflections in her head Friday before vocalizing a concern to her manager.

WARMINSTER, PA—Looking on as the intense display of aggressive behavior played out over several minutes, sources at Flannigan’s Bar & Grill confirmed Thursday that local man Pete Samuelson was pushed off a plate of buffalo wings by a much larger alpha male.

NEW ULM, MN—Admitting that he could hardly even recognize her, local 12-year-old Ethan Harrelson was reportedly surprised Monday by how much bigger his aunt Judy Stohl had gotten since the previous year.

CHICAGO—Sighing as he scanned the room and performed a mental tally of everyone he would invite, local 26-year-old Andrew Bryer sadly realized that his cramped one-bedroom apartment has enough space to host a party with all of his friends, sources confirmed Friday.

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Worker Who Forgot Email Attachment Expects Coworkers To Forgive Her Just Like That

UPPER DARBY, PA—In a shameless attempt to persuade colleagues to excuse her incompetent mistake, local account supervisor Casey Collins, who forgot to include an email attachment earlier today, apparently expected her coworkers to forgive her just like that, shocked sources confirmed. “She thinks she can carelessly leave out the document, follow up with the line ‘Sorry guys, here it is!’ and expect us to straight up forgive her? Unbelievable,” said coworker Marc Graham, glaring at the audacious message, which reportedly concluded with “my bad” in a final, desperate attempt to atone for the egregious error. “She’s lucky she remembered to attach the file so quickly afterward, but if she thinks that wiped the slate clean, then she is sorely mistaken. Maybe a few months from now, but just a couple minutes after she did something like this? No way.” At press time, sources confirmed that a number of seething colleagues had slammed their laptops shut and stormed out of the office to collect themselves.