A Book Blog

February 28, 2017

Why I’ve Been Reluctant to Read THE HATE U GIVE by Angie Thomas

Some of you might be wondering, “Why, Sarah, are you reluctant to read The Hate U Give?” and the answer might be not be what you expected. This has been a hard post to work on, but one I felt I needed to write.

About My Family

On our adoption finalization day

6 years ago a sibling group of three ages 11 months, 5 and 8 moved in with my husband and me. We are unable to have children of our own and always wanted to adopt. When we got the doctors report that it was impossible to have kids, we immediately started the process of older child adoption. We knew there were thousands upon thousands of kids in the foster care waiting to be adopted and we knew that was the path for us.

One day we got a call that a brother and sister we had inquired about 5 months before had to immediately leave their current foster home and asked if we would be interested. Of course we said yes. They had a baby brother they didn’t know about at the time and would we take him as well. The older two moved in first, and wow, it was hard and some days I didn’t know how to get through it. Their lives at the age of 5 and 8 had already seen and dealt with tons of abuse and it was heartbreaking to hear about their pasts and see how it showed up in their behavior. The youngest one, at 11 months old, moved in 3 months later and our lives have never been the same. Going from zero to three kids sure has been life changing but I love my kids and I’d go through all the difficult stuff all over again if I had to to have them as my children. They are beautiful, smart, fun, and wonderful kids (even on their difficult days).

They are my heart.

Broken

When I first saw the announcement for THUG I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. All I knew was, I was unsettled. As someone who constantly searched for books with people of color as the main characters (especially black because of my kids) I couldn’t quite put my hand on why I had weird feelings toward it. Normally I’d be screaming from the roof tops about this book. But I didn’t.

Then one day, it finally hit me. I’m afraid of my children dying because of hatred.

Over the last six years that my children have lived with me, we’ve seen prejudice against them and it’s been heartbreaking.

• In second grade, my daughter’s teacher had to call me because a boy in her class said, “You know why they call it Black Friday? Because that’s when they take all the black people out on the streets and shoot them.” I couldn’t believe such a young child could say such an awful thing to my daughter.

• Last summer my daughter was getting ready to mow our front yard (the mower was 3 feet away from her) and she had to pick up some rocks because of recent road construction. A police officer pulled over and asked her what she was doing. She said, “I’m picking up rocks so I can mow.” Then he went on to tell her, “Okay but make sure you don’t throw them in anyone’s windows.” What the heck??? Why would he say that to her? It was obvious she was mowing and rocks ruin mowers and the only explanation was racism on this cops part. I highly doubt he would have told a white girl the same thing.

• My daughter was walking into our house from the car with my husband one day and a man yelled the N word at her from his car window.

• My oldest son (who is bi-racial) was at a Halloween party with some school friends and a stepdad of one of his friends, who is a girl, told my son to stay away from his daughter then proceeded to call him the N word.

• I have yet to know who it is, but one of my neighbors has called the cops twice on our house and honestly all I can think is it’s a racist neighbor. The first time my 4 year old was throwing a temper tantrum because he didn’t want to come inside and my husband had to carry him in. He was screaming and the police showed up. Another time was New Years Eve, my oldest (who is now 13) got mad at us and stormed out of the house to cool off. He wasn’t wearing any shoes. A cop showed up because someone reported a “little kid” walking around barefoot. My son is multiple inches taller than me. He’s not little. (And he was fine he just needed some space after a disagreement)

• And there have been multiple other comments to my daughter from others kids over the years.

All these times have frustrated and upset me and the reason I’ve been reluctant to read this book is because I knew it would gut me. Honestly the thought of my baby, my 6 year old, growing up and someone seeing him on the street and walking the other way, the thought of him being shot and killed for no reason by a cop, the thought of people hating him because of his skin color guts me to the core. Even now writing this, I am in tears.

As a parent, the idea of anyone hurting my children because of their skin color is absolutely heart breaking and I know books like The Hate U Give and Dear Martin will shake me to the very core.

Coming to this realization helped me to realize that fear for my children’s safety was behind all my uncomfortable feelings toward this book. And I know that despite how hard it will be to read THUG and Dear Martin, I will read them. I owe it to my kids and all the millions of families who deal with this fear every day. I cry just thinking about the books so I know that actually reading them will be even harder. But I will do it.

Understanding my fear has made me feel at peace with these books and now I look forward to reading them, even though I know it’ll be hard. I think THUG will be a great learning experience for me and a book I can share with my kids one day.

Will you be reading them?

Congratulations Angie Thomas on releasing The Hate U Give TODAY and the movie deal in works! Go out and buy a copy!

About the Books

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

Inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement, Angie Thomas’s searing debut about an ordinary girl in extraordinary circumstances addresses issues of racism and police violence with intelligence, heart, and unflinching honesty. Soon to be a major motion picture from Fox 2000/Temple Hill Productions.

Sixteen-year-old Starr Carter moves between two worlds: the poor neighborhood where she lives and the fancy suburban prep school she attends. The uneasy balance between these worlds is shattered when Starr witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend Khalil at the hands of a police officer. Khalil was unarmed.

Soon afterward, his death is a national headline. Some are calling him a thug, maybe even a drug dealer and a gangbanger. Protesters are taking to the streets in Khalil’s name. Some cops and the local drug lord try to intimidate Starr and her family. What everyone wants to know is: what really went down that night? And the only person alive who can answer that is Starr.

But what Starr does—or does not—say could upend her community. It could also endanger her life.

Justyce McAllister is top of his class, captain of the debate team, and set for the Ivy League next year—but none of that matters to the police officer who just put him in handcuffs. He is eventually released without charges (or an apology), but the incident has Justyce spooked. Despite leaving his rough neighborhood, he can’t seem to escape the scorn of his former peers or the attitude of his prep school classmates. The only exception: Sarah Jane, Justyce’s gorgeous—and white—debate partner he wishes he didn’t have a thing for.

Struggling to cope with it all, Justyce starts a journal to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. But do Dr. King’s teachings hold up in the modern world? Justyce isn’t so sure.

Then comes the day Justyce goes driving with his best friend, Manny, windows rolled down, music turned up. Way up. Much to the fury of the white off-duty cop beside them. Words fly. Shots are fired. And Justyce and Manny get caught in the crosshairs. In that media fallout, it’s Justyce who is under attack. The truth of what happened that night—some would kill to know. Justyce is dying to forget.

Related

Comments

Gutting post, thank you for sharing. I know my heart will break when I read THUG, and I can only imagine how deep it will get into your bones because of your lovely children. I hope books like THUG opening people’s eyes will help create a better place for your kids.

Sarah, I didn’t realize I was crying until my eyes became too blurry with tears. I can’t believe incidents like this still occur and I am so sorry you and your family have to go through that. My heart breaks reading all this, my heart goes out to you and your family. I’m so proud of you for being brave enough to read something that hits close to the heart. <3

Gosh, I’m so sorry for all the pain your family has suffered. It shouldn’t be this way AT ALL. Your kids, your family, and everyone deserves better. ♥ I also hope you come to enjoy THUG. It’s going to be hard, but I think quite rewarding. Hoping to read it soon as well!

This post brought both fear and tears to my eyes. Thank you for writing and I hope that you and your beautiful family stay safe! I’ll definitely be picking this book up as soon as I humanely can. Thank you, Sarah!

Anna,I agree. No matter if our kids are in their 20′s, 30′s, or 40′s they are still our &#sk80;2id8ࢭ and are hearts will always travel with them wherever they go. So thankful that our prayers follow them, right along with our hearts!

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I feel for you so much, and it feels terrible that even today Kids of Colour need to face such horrible things.
I think you’re very brave for reading THUG and Dear Martin, and well, all the hugs for you.

Thank you so much for this post, Sarah! Knowing about your wonderful family I was surprised about the title of the post at first but as soon as I started reading I knew why you’d feel like that and I was right…

These books are so important to show people the ugly side of the racism we still ignore or even justify on some accounts… We need to make sure we understand and books are amazing to not only tell those kids “we see you, you are important” but to show to us white people what it is to feel that…

Thank you so much for sharing this. I honestly cannot believe the emotions going through you as you wrote this, but it was beautifully written and I think necessary that it was said. It gave someone like me, someone who was only hesitant about the book because of hype (because hype constantly scares me even if I know I need to read a particular book) a new way to look at it and a reason to read. The story is something I have watched unravel so many times but know so little about and I think I need to read this book.

Hugs to your family. What big hearts you and your husband have. I hate that people have treated your children like this. Totally unjustified and rude and oh my gosh they are children. Much love to you all as you face down these things that shouldn’t even be happening.

Thank you for reading Emily and I was grateful to finally understand the reasoning behind my struggles with this book. It was such a weight off my shoulders and I know it’s such an important book for me to read.

Thank you for sharing your adoption story! I can only imagine how tired you are of getting looks from strangers on the street (my step dad is white so I know how it is to live in both worlds and be soo confused). I recently had to have a sit-down with my husband to discuss what we would tell any future children when they grew up and people started targeting them. It’s hard, it’s not fair, but that’s the terrible terrible reality we live in.

I’m so happy that will read this book no matter how much it hurts, I think it’s important for everyone, especially those raising black children. Especially for your children as they will be mentally juggling two worlds, Starr touches on that a lot.

Oh I’m so glad to hear she touches on that. I read Into White hoping it’d give me a bit of insight but I didn’t particularly care for the story and I hope these two books help me more to learn. We’ve had multiple discussions with my kids about how to respond and react to authority and police officers and to explain why it’s important. My husband is a criminal defense attorney and sees how poc are mistreated. I watched a video on youtube of black parents telling their kids how to react to police situations and times they had been arrested for doing nothing wrong. It was heartbreaking. Thanks for your encouragement and I look forward to how this book will help and change me, my family and so many others. <3

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I actually like the revamped show so much better, but since I like many avoided the old show, it was only by chance that I stumbled on this new format. I think it is difficult to get new viewers to give it a chance. The ads for it were annoying. They try to make it hip but it is actually a throwback format to TomSnyder. Not so much the WWHL analogy as there are no games. It may be good enough to get viewers if they give it time, but there are too many people on payroll for that kind of production. I agree that real estate sale suggests cancelation.

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Oh, sweetie. Thank you so, so much for sharing this post. You are all kinds of brave and amazing and just the kindest person. <3 I did not know this, and I love that I now know this about you. Your family sounds like the most awesome family 🙂 Your kids looks SO CUTE. <3 But oh gosh, I'm so sorry that they have been hurt before, and are still being hurt by some 🙁 It's not okay at all. Hugs. Also, about the book, I totally understand your feelings. I hope it won't be too hard to read it. <3 (It do seem all kinds of awesome and heartbreaking.)

Thanks Carina! I think it’ll be a hard read but an important one. I know I’ll learn lots from it and I hope to share the book with my kids once they’re old enough to read it. My kids are super cute and two of them are taller than me now! lol.

Sarah, thank you for this post. You are so honest and so open about why you struggled to pick up these books. I struggle too. I want to be kind and happy and upbeat to everyone, but I know there are racist, close-minded people, who would say terrible awful things to children. I try to be the positive and I try to keep that upbeat presence on social media and my day to day interactions, but it’s hard. It is a struggle, and I thank you for putting your heart on the page. Wishing for a kinder forever…

I also always try to be kind and love everyone. Everyone deserve it and it’s definitely unfortunate people out there feel it’s okay to speak this way to kids, but also 95% of the time, people are amazing and have treated my kids wonderfully. So, we just have to move forward no matter what. Thanks Kim!

Sarah, my heart goes out to your family and your wonderful kids. I can see where your lack of comfort stemmed from, and I’m incredibly happy you’ll still pick up the books and read their heartbreaking yet poignant stories.
I’m in the middle of Dear Martin and though I have yet to read THUG, am loving DM. Martin is such a smart, level-headed boy and the thoughts of the people around him are so reflective in my own high school environment. But despite it all, he finds the strength within him and prevails. It’s heartbreaking at times, but so wholly raw and real. I can’t wait for you to pick this one up.

I’m really excited for that one. I hope to get my teenage son to read it. He’s extremely bright as well but he’s biracial and people still see him as black and I know he’ll deal with issues as time goes on. It’ll be a great encouragement to him, I believe. Thanks for letting me know Aila! <3

I am so incredibly sorry to you and your family for everything you’ve all had to go through together. The rough times suck, but I hope you can make so many more good memories with them as a result of all of those negative things.

I’m very excited to read THUG. I hope that it’ll really open my eyes to current events and that it really shakes me to my core. And Dear Martin sounds very, very intriguing. I’m very interested in reading it, so thank you for posting about it, Sarah.

There have been bad moments but good moments outway the bad ten fold. Most people are amazing and we just have to keep moving forward and not focus on the negative. The world is broken and they will encounter stuff like this, which sucks, but want them to love back no matter what and take the high road. I hoep you enjoy the book and I hope we both learn many things. 🙂

Sarah, I just wish I could give you the biggest, warmest hug you deserve. You wrote a deeply personal post and I really feel for you. I am really angered by how insensitive people are towards others and what you’re doing as a person, a mother, a role model, is amazing and I admire you for that.

What I would recommend is for you to take your time. I’ll be here for you when you’ve read it and you want to share your feelings! <3