By the scruff of the shirt is much better. Последняя строчка первого куплета неправильно переведена. Иногда дословный перевод не имеет никакого смысла на английском языке. Просто можно перевести: I put my hand on the man shoulder or I've grabbed the man by the shoulder. But he kept on creaking and smiling. I see, patrol has spotted us from the tower. I've grabbed the man by the scruff of his shirt and screamed. We were sent home. And then I was screaming in his wake. And I remember that long time ago. I was swimming across the river in the treacherous boat. Then simply, as a habit, I scream.
I could be wrong, but it sounds better.
I'm Australian.
Kind Regards
Anatoli

How can you improve your translation , if you don't except your mistakes. There are quite a few lines, that don't make any sense in English. You should be grateful that someone trying to help you, and believe me you do need help. If you believe that you did a good job, so be it.
Kind Regards,
Anatoli