5 Reasons to Seek Help with Conflict

1. We have blind spots. We all have blind spots during conflict, but others can frequently see what we cannot see because they are not emotionally invested. The outside person can hear several perspectives and are not committed towards one perspective being right.

2. We forget the truth. When our hearts are weighed down with crushing burdens, it can be hard to remember the truth of the situation and to focus on the things that are lovely, excellent, admirable, or praiseworthy (see Phil. 4:8).

3. Our fear is powerful. Fear is one of the most powerful emotions that we face. When we’re afraid that we may be losing control of a situation or about to lose something of great value to us, our judgment can become skewed.

4. Our tempers can be held in-check. The presence of an impartial third party can help hold tempers under control and help conflicted people agree on fundamental rules of fairness.

5. We need encouragement. A neutral third party can encourage us when all seems hopeless and lost. He or she can remind us of the sure foundation and hope that we have in Christ.

In the first chapter, they shared five mistakes that most people make when conflict happens. These mistakes are the beginning of a tragic downward spiral.

5 Mistakes People Make During Conflict

1. We think our evaluation of the situation is always right. I’ve made this mistake and you have as well. It’s easy and natural to do, but it’s not best to do. In order to resolve conflict, we must be open to listen to the “other side” and be willing to consider that we are not totally right on the issue.

2. We treat people differently than God treats us. God treats us with love and grace. He forgives us when we don’t deserve it. During conflict, we often treat the other person with contempt and disrespect which leads us to disdain their perspective.

3. We assume that God is on our side. Although we may accept that those on the other side of the conflict are believers, we believe that we uniquely have God’s attention, care, and blessing more than our opponents do.

4. We become defensive. As soon as we become defensive, we become closed and narrow. We believe that God takes our side on the issue and condemns those on the other side of the conflict in the same way that we do.

5. We are marked by pride and selfishness. These characteristics are not from the Lord. Instead, Christ wants us to be marked by humility and love which leads toward reconciliation.

Conflict is a normal part of life. No one is exempt! But, as believers, God calls us to respond differently than the world and to DO OUR BEST to resolve the conflict.

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18 (NKJV)

I love serving and helping our Kentucky Baptist Convention churches. I’ve been privileged to serve Kentucky Baptist churches for 36 years with 28 years in the local church and 8 years on the KBC staff. I have hope for the future of Kentucky Baptist churches. In this post, I’m going to dream about where our KBC churches are going by asking the question “what if”.

What if we could create places where every person began to discover his or her place and purpose in God’s great big world? Imagine! What if our churches were places where people could be “real” and relationships could go well beneath the surface? Imagine! What if our churches were places where “second chances” really existed? Imagine! What if you found a place that helped you to be the person God created you to be in one of our churches? Imagine!

What if? Isn’t that a great question? What if? Imagine…I think I will!…I imagine our KBC churches to be places of diversity where people from all walks of life can find acceptance and fulfillment. I imagine our churches to be a people who are not afraid to believe God for the impossible. I imagine our churches to be a people who embrace the future without forgetting the past. I imagine our churches to be churches who value one’s service over one’s standing. I imagine our churches to be places where people encounter Jesus on a weekly basis and experience real life-change as result.

I believe we are doing well in many of these areas. I commend our churches, their pastors, and their leaders. But, as in all areas of life, we can make improvements. Let’s continue to be open to the leadership of the Holy Spirit, continue to turn our focus to Christ, and continue to seek improvement and excellence for God’s ultimate glory!

How can we forgive people we hate? How can we show grace to those we can’t stomach? The honest truth is that we can’t! In our own strength, we are unable to forgive those who have hurt us deeply, but with God’s help it is possible.

4 Steps to Forgiving Those I Hate

1. Turn our hurts over to God. We should remind ourselves that nothing happens that God does not allow. As a result we should acknowledge our hurts and ask God to help us with them. He may choose to teach us through them and shape us into the person He wants us to be. God never wastes a hurt!

God never wastes a hurt!

2. Ask God to transform our hate to love. In time, God will change our hearts to match His heart if we allow Him to do so. We should pray and ask God to start the process of healing and forgiveness in our hearts.

3. Read what God’s Word says about forgiveness. The Bible is replete with verses on this topic. Reading what God says is a major part of how He moves us towards a heart of forgiveness. Here are a couple of passages on the topic:

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)

“He said to them, ‘When you pray, say: Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.'”Luke 11:2-4 (NIV)

4. Remember that we sinned against God. God forgave us when we didn’t deserve it, so we should forgive others when they don’t deserve it. We are never more like God than when we grant forgiveness to undeserving people.

Don’t spend the rest of your life without rest in your life!

If you’re struggling with hard feelings toward someone . . . if you’re mad, hurt, bitter, or all the above rolled into one, then let it go! Forgive! Do it for their sake! Do it for your sake! Do it for the Lord! Don’t spend the rest of your life without rest in your life. Unforgiveness can slow down or even sidetrack your spiritual growth.

This morning I read the Sermon on the Mount from the gospel of Matthew, chapters 5-7. One day an unusually large crowd gathered to hear Jesus, so he gathered them together on the side of a mountain. There He preached the greatest sermon that has ever been preached throughout all history.

In the sermon, Jesus addresses some difficult topics like the following:

38″You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.'” Matthew 5:38-42

Does Jesus mean this literally? Do you know of anyone who has actually practiced this in real life? I encourage you to read through this sermon–it will challenge you in your thinking and in your walk with the Lord.