Support edu_ators!

TUESDAY, 6/12/12, Issue 46

@Jaxonpool _______

Support edu_ators! One way to eliminate waste is to get rid of extraneous alphabet letters. Do we really need 26? The Deleónsylvania Department of Edu_ation has made the bold move of _utting ba_k on at least one extraneous letter. The Department is starting with the third letter in the alphabet. NY Times reporter Mi_hael Winerip observes that just a few weeks ago the Department impli_itly announ_ed its new policy when it sent out a media advisory. In the very last paragraph of the 2nd page of his arti_le, Winerip writes,

The results could be entertaining. The week after the writing test mess, the Department sent out a media advisory announcing the next round of test scores. It was titled — and you can’t make this stuff up — “Department of Eduation to Release Reading and Mathmetics Results” (06/10/12, p. 2, Italic and bold type added).

The Department of Edu_ation perhaps has not thought through all of the potential ramifi_ations of its new poli_y. For example, in kindergarten will it be permissible to show this video of Sesame Street‘s _ookie Monster singing about the third letter in the alphabet?

When it _omes to the promis_uous use of letters, the Deleónsylvania Department of Edu_ation is working toward a total, all-en_ompassing austerity program of eliminating all 26, as depi_ted in this video:

I don’t think there is anything ‘entertaining’ about this move, as Winerip suggests. That’s the liberal New York Times for you, full of snark. I wouldn’t know anything about that. The Deleónsylvania Department of Edu_ation is simply responding to our _urrently harsh e_onomi_ environment. We must embra_e austerity.

After reading about the Department of Edu_ation’s new poli_y, I began to see that all around, people everywhere were _utting ba_k, getting rid of letters they really didn’t need. However, there was no _on_ensus as to which letters were luxuries and whi_h were ne_essities. Not everyone seems to agree that the third letter, or, only the third letter, should be the one to go.

Ly . . . rke (?)

The number of letters a business uses serves as an sign of how mu_h they have had to _ut ba_k:

white van, letters from many words missing

Judging from their signs, some major retailers are doing relatively well:

Big Lots becomes “Big ots”

Other _hains are not doing so well:

Starbucks becomes “S_ARBU”

The independent shops are really hurting:

Newspaper stand: many letters missing

Sometimes when de_iding whi_h letters to _ut, a retailer has to be _areful not to send the wrong message:

Danals missing the first and last letters.

Sometimes too many letters _an be striken, bringing about utter bewilderment, as in these two _ases:

Milford Self Storage has lost the “ord” from the first word

1-hour photo has lost its second ‘H” and ‘T’

Above everything else, bridges should not be burnt:

Washington Mutual has lost the ‘hington’

However, resistan_e has arisen. Some folks–probably the union tea_hers and literary types (liberal maggots)–don’t understand the need for austerity. Here’s one manifestation of this ba_klash:

Quit 5t3al!ng o_r lett3rs

I would like to wind down by thanking the Deleónsylvania Department of Edu_ation for having begun this movement. A lot of resour_es _an be saved by thinking thoughtfully about the letters we use. And it shows what happens when patriots step forward to save our _ountry. Fortunately, one does not need to employ the third letter when writing the words “Tea Party.”