Diana Boggia: Successful playdates increase social skills in young children

Thursday

Apr 28, 2011 at 12:01 AMApr 28, 2011 at 5:24 AM

Teaching a young child how to play nicely requires practice with other children of the same age. Formal programs and play groups provide the means for learning the social skills needed to develop lasting friendships.

Diana Boggia

Teaching a young child how to play nicely requires practice with other children of the same age. Formal programs and play groups provide the means for learning the social skills needed to develop lasting friendships.

Some parents may invite another child to play, and will simply assume the two young children know how to interact appropriately. That unstructured environment with little ones who lack skills for communication, sharing or compromise can lead to arguing, hitting, crying and the end of a playdate.

Set your child up for success by following some simple guidelines for safe, successful fun times with friends.

The rules

Before a playdate, explain the rules:

1. FRIENDS SHARE. “Your friend is a guest, so he gets his way first, and then you will get what you want to do. Will that be hard to play with trucks first, even though you want to play with your trains? Do you want to try? If you try but have a meltdown, I will choose the games to play. Can you tell me the rule about who gets to choose first what you will play?”

2. ONE TOY AT A TIME. “You can only bring out one toy at a time, so there is not a big mess to clean up in the end. I will check on you to see if you need help cleaning up. We will tell your friend that whatever comes out must go back.”

3. IF IT'S OUT, WE SHARE IT. “Are there special toys that you do not want to share with your friend? If so, we will put them away. Otherwise, anything that is out is to be shared.”

4. YOUR FRIEND IS OUR GUEST. “We want to make him comfortable and happy. You need to use your manners by sharing, speaking nicely, and keeping hands to self. If you have a problem or you become upset, come to Mommy, so I can help you. Do not push, hit or yell at your friend. We want him to want to come over and play another day.”

The process

Invite one child over for a limited two-hour time frame, perhaps on a weekend when two parents are home.

Plan that time as if you are a preschool teacher. Ask your child what types of things he might like to do with his friend. Offer some suggestions, so he has ownership to the activities and can be more successful with sharing.

ACTIVITY 2 (20-30 minutes): Take them to the toys for unstructured play. Explain the rules. Allow both to play without your direction for a limited time. With a close ear, check on children in 10 minutes, remarking on how well they are playing together and sharing.

ACTIVITY 5 (5 minutes): Clean up time! Sing a song and accompany them, designating responsibilities. “You put all the cars away in the bin while your friend puts away all the blocks. I will pick up all the train tracks. Ready? 1, 2, 3, GO!”

ACTIVITY 6 (20-30 minutes): Have a craft on hand (model airplanes, inexpensive woodworking projects) that can be purchased at craft stores for less than $5. Keep them fully engaged with an interesting craft, while they talk together.

When children enjoy time together with structured activities, they learn the skills needed to be successful playmates. This process is also easily implemented for siblings, when trying to increase bonding and strengthen sibling relationships.

Diana Boggia, M.Ed., is a parenting educator in Stark County, Ohio. Send your child-rearing questions to Family Matters@cantonrep.com or The Repository, c/o Family Matters, 500 Market Ave. S, Canton, OH 44702. Find additional parenting resources, along with links to all of her columns, at Diana Boggia’s website, www.yourperfectchild.com.

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