Different types of cheating decoded

Great! As if dealing with a partner who is physically cheating on you wasn’t enough, now we have other types of cheating to be watchful of. What do you pin down as cheating in your books? Are there levels to the deception you’d feel based on what the action is?

Whichever way you choose to look at things, when it comes to relationships sex isn’t the only infidelity that could derail your relationship. Not anymore. Let’s decode the different types of cheating and how this could affect your partner.

PHYSICAL CHEATING

Let’s start with the obvious one, sex with someone who isn’t your partner. Unless you’re in a polygamous or open relationship, it should come as no surprise that being physically intimate with someone other than your partner be considered unacceptable. If you’re on a break or separated, you may get away with it. That’s if you both amicably agreed to seeing other people during the relationship hiatus. Sex isn’t the only form of physical cheating either. So the grey area may just get more complicated if you consider kissing, oral, touching or cuddling someone else as deceptive.

Why is it a problem?

Uhm, aside from the obvious – because you’re hurting your partner – you are putting both you and your partner at risk with sexually transmitted diseases. Because most affairs happen with no pre-meditated agendas, if it happens “in the heat of the moment” chances are neither of you will be prepared with contraceptive methods. Apart from that, physical cheating can be psychologically damaging to your partner, leaving them feeling inadequate and unattractive.

FANTASING ABOUT ANOTHER

So you think imagining yourself doing the nasty with your crush, whilst getting it on with your partner is innocent? Well it may be. According to most relationship experts, having fantasies about people you find attractive is normal, whether you are in a relationship or not. It definitely becomes a problem when your fantasies push you to adulterous behaviour. Like if you start lying to your partner about the gorgeous marketing intern.

“I’m having lunch with a few people from the office today. Oh, no one special just a formality to welcome some of the new recruits to the team.”

Meanwhile, back in Cheats-ville it’s just you and the hottie intern. Whether the intention is purely just to get to know him better or to take your fantasies a whole fifty shades up, if you feel the need to lie about it, you have cause for concern.

Why is it a problem?

It’s only a direct issue for your partner if he runs into you at lunch and sees you in a somewhat “cosy” dining situation with just Sipho from marketing. How are you going to explain your way out of this one? Another lie is only going to get you deeper into the infidelity pool you’re currently wading in. If you’re not planning on acting on any impulses you have no reason to lie about Sipho, he’s your colleague and colleagues have lunch on occasion. Just tell him the truth.

WORK HUSBAND

We all need a bit of moral support, at home and at the office. What do you do when your partner is unavailable to hear all about the latest office scandal? You tell your “work husband” of course. In fact, you share more than you should with your office spouse while your actual husband remains in the dark. You two are practically a team. You do everything together. Lunches, coffees, mid-break walks around the block to clear your mind. It’s great that you have a confidant but where do you draw the line?

Why is it a problem?

As with the previous point, if your partner isn’t aware of your work life it could pose a potential problem in your relationship. Feeling isolated from your life, your partner may feel like there’s more to the reasons for you withholding information from him. As close as you are to your work husband, is it worth sacrificing your actual marriage or relationship with your partner over? No one wants to feel excluded, we all want to feel as involved in our partner’s lives as possible. While it’s healthy to have separate lives and friends outside your partner’s circle, it’s also important to disclose such so there are no misunderstandings.

YOU’RE AN ONLINE FLIRT

The world wide web opens up a can of worms with the endless platforms that one has at their disposal. Making it easy to chat to virtual strangers the world over. You may think there’s no harm in a bit of playful banter or liking his sexy, topless profile picture but because there’s no actual barrier, you can become overly intimate before you even realise it. Before you know it, you’re in his DMs, exchanging sultry photos. Online flirting is still an emotional investment.

Why is it a problem?

It falls into the same category as flirting. Your texts back and forth have become personal and intimate and you’re spending every spare second replying to his texts. When was the last time you and your partner sat to a romantic dinner without your smartphones in hand? See, he’s probably guilty of the same too. How does that make you feel?

EMOTIONAL CHEATING

Many believe that a man and woman can’t just be friends. It’s inaccurate. If there’s zero attraction between the two of you and you just genuinely enjoy hanging out with one another (as you do with your girlfriends ladies) then what’s the harm? As we know when girls get together, we share almost every detail about our love-lives. We gossip about the monster-in-law, bad sex or lack thereof with our partners, really, there’s a no holds barred contract between girls and their friends. If the same rule applies with your male BFF, then this might be invasive for your partner. It’s generally allowed for girls to share secrets with their girlfriends but many men draw the line with a male bud.

Why is it a problem?

Insecurity is a terrible thing to have. The person who is insecure can’t control it, it all stems from a low self-esteem. But if you are divulging more than you should with your male friend, your partner may see it as crossing the line. No man wants another man to know how good or bad he is in bed. You’re hurting your partner’s feelings and making him look inept in that department. Rather tell him what you’d like him to try with you or give him pointers for getting you off instead of taking your complaints to your best bud who also hppens to be a guy.

Most of the time, cheating has nothing to do with your partner. A person who cheats doesn’t do it because their partner is X, Y or Z. No, they do it because they get off on the thrill of the chase. Some actually get a kick out of the “power” that getting away with it gives them. And that’s an internal power struggle that no one can help you with.

Identify the triggers that set you off. Talk to your partner about why you’re feeling or thinking the way you are. A relationship is only worth saving if there are two people who are commited to making it work. If you’re already have one foot out the door, he’s not going to be able to convince you to stay and not stray. This is something you’ll have to figure out on your own.

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