But Today I am Going to be Awesome

Posted by Iain De Jong10sc on February 22, 2016

Work pressures.

Am I going to make deadlines? Are the people I work with happy? Am I enough to the people that count on me? Does anything I do really make a difference? Am I busy, or am I effective? Am I contributing enough money to the needs of my family? Am I missing life events because of the demands of work? Have I created one meaningful thing or process to contribute? Is there one idea that is truly mine that I have unleashed to the world? Will passion ever trump the days when I feel disconnected and worthless? Am I able to mask my insecurities? Why do I deflect compliments as if they are hollow platitudes? Am I moving towards the end of my career – years away – as if on a conveyor belt in a factory assembly line, just seeing each day or situation the same as the day before?

Life pressures.

Am I doing a good enough job as a spouse? Will I ever be anything more than, maybe, the World’s Okayest Dad? Can I make time to do the things I really love without feeling selfish or not getting house chores or paid work done? Will there ever be enough time to make a visit to my ageing parents worthy of their happiness? Can one more activity (birthday party, sports, craft, play date, etc.) be crammed into a weekend? Am I able to find true happiness without relying on artificial joy? Do I cut myself some slack when not everything gets done? Can I go to bed ever feeling satisfied?

Then one day amidst the empty feeling of wondering what life is all about, why I am here, and whether anything matters at the end of it all, it hit me – I may never know what I want to be when I grow up, but today I am going to be awesome.

I have been on the planet more than four decades. When I was a kid, I thought adults had it all figured out, and if I could just figured out what I was going to be when I grew up (which career, which friends, which place of worship, which spouse, etc.) the world would miraculously come into view. Up until a few years ago, I was still longing for this mirage of reality. And I gave all of that up so that I could live an awesome life.

Will I have bad days? Everyone does.

Will I be frustrated with work at times? Sure.

Will I be imperfect in my home life? Absolutely.

Will I still be sick from time to time? Yes.

Will things always go as planned? No.

Will some days be harder than others to be awesome? I hope so, because it makes the awesome feeling of joy even better.

I will not be aimless. I will not wait for a magic moment when it all clicks and by some miracle starts making complete, cohesive sense. I refuse to believe there is some little man or monkey in a suit behind a curtain pulling levers or manipulating when life is allowed to be good. I refuse to believe that all things happen for a reason or that suffering is necessary. I am daring greatly to find awesomeness each day in a way that makes sense to me without recklessly harming anyone else. I don’t want to wait until failing health or old age to wish life had been better. I am choosing to live it fully now.

Today, I choose to be awesome.

About Iain De Jong

Leader. Edutainer. Coach. Consultant. Professor. Researcher. Blogger. Do-gooder. Potty mouth. Positive disruptor. Relentless advocate for social justice. Comedian. Dad. Minimalist. Recovering musician. Canadian citizen. International jetsetter. Living life in jeans and a t-shirt. Trying really hard to end homelessness in developed countries around the world, expand harm reduction practices, make housing happen, and reform the justice system. Driven by change, fuelled by passion. Winner of a shit ton of prestigious awards, none of which matter unless change happens in how we think about vulnerability, marginality, and inclusion.