A Little Love and Self Preservation

Being in a completely different country without my children made for a much larger learning experience than I had anticipated. I was completely removed from everything that I associate myself with on a daily basis in terms of routine. My responsibilities as well as most of what I hold in my heart were left in the home that we built around them while Justin and I flew thousands of miles away to find a little space, and rediscover a bit of ourselves. It’s so obvious and natural for us to be-willingly and eagerly-completley immersed in the lifestyle that we’ve created, Justin as a dentist and a father and me as a mother and a creative, social gypsy.

What I didn’t realize I would find was a bit of me, the self that I spent 27 years getting to know before I became a wife and mother and fully devoted to both. This understanding has come with the wisdom that bestows each blessed year on this earth along with the patience and selflessness of bearing and raising children. Despite that rediscovery, the self awareness and knowledge has been there all along, quiet yet strong. It felt really strange to be solely completely responsible for my own needs for nearly a full week straight, but it was something that I didn’t know I really needed.

Coming home I decided (like, I actually had to mentally make the choice) that regardless of schedule or other demands of everyday life as a working parent of three young children, I would make time for myself. It’s essential to preserve what I had found on that island in the Caribbean before I become physically and mentally devoted to our newborn baby and our new family dynamic in the next several weeks. I’m admittedly apprehensive about the mental and physical toll that a new baby will bring, especially as I’ve already felt it happening. Not as it affects me, rather how it will affect Jack, Zoe and especially Beau. The excitement and anxiety is rising, and in order to temper it in some way I’ve taken to swimming laps whenever and however I can.

The only time I’m able to completely let go of everything is about 15 minutes into a good, long swim. Or, in the middle of the Caribbean, physically thousands of miles away from my responsibilities… Our local athletic club is much more manageable. It took our trip away to remind myself that it’s really good to find this space that I’m able to devote to my own well being, and how crucial it is to my health and how it affects my family as well.

And, as long as I have someone along to help, I can bring the kids to swim and play too.

I’m not a stranger to the hormonal effects of pregnancy, and having experienced postpartum anxiety after I had Jack, it’s definitely on my radar to be proactive about taking care of myself in the best possible ways before and after our new bundle arrives. That means building up myself and my team around me, because asking for help is the single most life-altering decision I’ve learned to make as a mother. Whether or not that means hiring someone to clean my house, play with my children for a couple of hours, or taking the kids out to eat more than once a week, so be it. I’m lucky to be in a space that I can finally afford these things without causing too much worry and stress financially.

It’s good for me, it’s good for my people.

My dear friend Katherine Stone recently celebrated her 10 year anniversary championing women’s health with her nonprofit organization, Postpartum Progress. I wish I had known about this incredible resource and community when I experienced these things with Jack. It’s been completely awesome to watch how many women have been helped though Katherine’s work, and I encourage anyone who has experienced,or someone you know that is going through any mental postpartum illness to visit this site. Her annual fundraiser, Climb out of Darkness, has raised over $160,000 (their goal was $100,000) this year alone. It’s a force in this community to be sure and I am more than happy to support it.

This is such a salient reminder of how important it is not to lose touch with ME. I love what Katherine is doing and wish I had known about it when I had serious post partum depression after my daughter’s birth (actually that was 11.5 years ago so I guess I wish it had existed AND I had known about it!)
xox

It’s so wise, yet so hard to do that. To make YOU a priority. I’m glad you’re making a conscious effort. You have a community that’s ready to listen, support, and help you whenever you need it. We’re rooting for you!

Thank you Jessica for saying it out loud! We mothers (also dads,let’s not forget them) need time to ourselves whether it is postpartum,just normal everyday juggling with the family,dealing with a teenager etc. I know the guilt will follow us always,but as a full time working mom(3 kids aged 3-9) myself and after a near burn-out experience,I have learned the hard way to take care of me. I go for a jog or gym or just a coffee with my friends but most important I make time for my marriage.When mom ( and dad) feels good about herself,kids are good and life is good. And kids also need time away from their parents 😉 as my 9 yr old daughter said: it was a lovely time away but now it is even nicer to be back home. Love your blog Jessica, all the best to you and your family.Take care of yourself and enjoy your last trimester!

Jessica Shyba

Author of Momma's Gone City and popular internet sensation Theo & Beau, Jessica Shyba has been blogging since 2009. The original intent was to simply stay in touch with friends as the family embarked in a cross-country move from California to New York City, a move prompted by her husband attending dental school at NYU. The family has since returned to California and grown to include 4 children; Jack, Zoe, Beau, and very recently, Evangeline -- as well as a cat named Charlie and a puppy named Theo. The budding friendship between the baby Beau & puppy Theo catapulted Jessica's blog & Instagram into international fame when she started documenting their daily side-by-side naps. Along with that fame, came opportunities for sponsorships on Momma's Gone City, and a book deal which allowed Jessica to showcase her writing & photography.