Just to the *never, eat, Shredded…* west of Madonna’s ex-husband’s left hand you will find what is purported to be David Beckham’s penis.

David Beckham’s alleged penis has been forced into what can only be described as a pair of H&M pants. Madonna’s ex-husband, having whizzed over Waterloo Bridge from the set of ‘Madonna and Guy Itchi: Touched For The Very First Time’, is here in Hollywood’s glittering Hollywood to film David Beckham’s penis. It is thought the quite hot two-toned-beard man in the bonnet is controlling David Beckham’s penis using a pulley system attached to the top of David’s head. It’s the same one Madonna uses for her cheeks.

We’re not gonna lie. We’d lie back, point our heels to Jesus, think of handbags, and get bummed by the lot of ’em.

As for David Beckham’s reputed penis? All’s you need know is that we’re typing this hands-free.

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David Beckham's penis? We'll be the judge of that. , 9.5 out of 10 based on 6 ratings