DPW boss Bob Moylan needs to get over his inspection rejection

With his dapper suits and suave demeanor, Bob Moylan seems like a civilized, law-abiding guy.

Still, if any environmental officials happen to go missing this week while inspecting the city’s sewer system, or one of them is felled by a fatal fecal gush, I’ll have a few questions for him.

Specifically: Mr. Moylan, can anyone confirm your presence at the Sole Proprietor when the sewer spigot suddenly let go under Vernon Street and buried that poor federal inspector under mounds of solid waste? Is it really that common for manhole covers to spontaneously dislodge and fling themselves, en masse, at inquisitive officials armed with clipboards? And when was the last time, honestly, that our underground sewer system was mysteriously overrun with wolverines?

The city’s commissioner of public works and parks is submitting to an inspection by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency with the same enthusiasm as a child enduring a trip to the dentist, except it would look really bad, from a public relations standpoint, if Moylan behaved like my kid brother in 1969 and actually bit the inspector’s finger. Plus, I’m betting the EPA fine would be huge.

Our DPW head is throwing a hissy fit over the EPA, which he regards as an intrusive, unreasonable and aggressive bureaucratic agency that levies costly mandates on municipalities regardless of their ability to pay for them, and he is largely correct. He’s also not alone in his EPA-bashing, as it tends to be the Rodney Dangerfield of federal bureaucracies.

Yet, methinks Mr. Moylan doth protest too much, especially in his recent letter to the City Council, in which he announced that a team of EPA inspectors will “descend upon us” to “find fault” with the city’s sewer system.

“They will seek to record any and all maintenance shortcomings as a ruse to issue an (administrative order) and/or to issue a monetary fine,” Moylan wrote, adding that the “voracious appetite of the federal beast called EPA” will prevent the city from funding other needed projects.

Witnessing the back-and-forth between Moylan and the EPA is like flicking channels between MSNBC and Fox, because these entities are not on the same frequency. During the presidential inauguration, for example, MSNBC thought Obama’s speech was the greatest since the Gettysburg Address, while FOX called it pedestrian and divisive. And when Obama cited the Stonewall riots in the same sentence as Selma and Seneca Falls, MSNBC called it an iconic moment in American history, while a sputtering Pat Buchanan acted like he had just been propositioned by RuPaul.

Speaking of partisanship, I’m willing to cut the EPA some slack partly because its goals are laudable — cleaning up the air and water — and partly because its enemies include people such as Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry, all of whom lashed out at the agency during the GOP primary like it was a woman seeking a legal abortion. Bachmann, who has called global-warming science a hoax, even threatened to shut it down.

Moylan is a dedicated department head who loves this city, so I sympathize with his frustration over the EPA and its $1.2 billion worth of mandates for water and sewer improvements. But isn’t it disingenuous for a department head to grouse about an inspection finding fault and forcing compliance? Isn’t that the purpose of inspections, and don’t the rest of us have to tolerate them?

I may be wrong. But I have never known a city housing inspector to show up at an apartment to admire the window treatments, rather than order the landlord to get rid of the rats. And what about Moylan’s snow removal ordinance? Perhaps the city can stop fining homeowners who do not comply, because it’s not fair to just “find fault” with homeowners who can’t afford a snowblower. And if Moylan’s moral outrage is valid, does this mean police officers won’t “descend upon us” anymore with a “ruse” to issue tickets?

The EPA may be a pain in the neck, but Moylan has a big chip on his shoulder. And while he and other critics complain about the high cost of EPA compliance, noncompliance with clean water and air regulations can be even costlier for public health. And the benefits are many — lives are saved, chronic illnesses are prevented, hospital visits are decreased and sick days aren’t taken. Also, with all due respect to great scientific minds such as Bachmann’s, climate change is real and needs attention.

No one likes to spend money in tough economic times, but the EPA has a job to do. So Moylan needs to tone down the rhetoric and stop demonizing the inspectors. It doesn’t help. Despite the frigid temperature, all the grousing is just so much hot air.