In Broward County, Florida, a judge has ordered a man to take his wife to dinner, bowling, and then marriage counseling.

“He’s going to stop by somewhere and he’s going to get some flowers,” Judge John “Jay” Hurley said during the first appearance hearing, as the story is told by the Orlando Sun Sentinel. “And then he’s going to go home, pick up his wife, get dressed, take her to Red Lobster. And then after they have Red Lobster, they’re going to go bowling.”

The man was charged with domestic violence, but, as the judge sees it, not the serious domestic violence kind.

“He didn’t actually hit her,” the judge said.

If you grab your wife’s neck and threaten to hit her because she complained you didn’t wish her a “happy birthday,” you’ll probably be back before the judge again.

About the blogger

Bob Collins has been with Minnesota Public Radio since 1992, emigrating to Minnesota from Massachusetts where he was VP of programming for Berkshire Broadcasting Co. He was an editor at the RKO Radio Network in New York, and WHDH Radio in Boston. He is the founder of the MPR News’ website. He is a private pilot and flies an airplane he built.

Some of us might prefer that romantic gift of a restraining order and mandatory therapy.

John P II

Because those people who live in trailer parks are different, right Jim?

Craig Stellmacher

Horrifying.

I just went to the youtube page this is embedded in, and there’s some horrifying comments, not just supporting the man, but ripping the woman for causing it.

Tyler

Maybe they should start with the marriage counseling and work backwards. =\

Heather

Um, aren’t choking incidents a strong indicator of escalating risk to the victim? He may not have actually *hit* her, but if he did actually grab her neck…

Jim Shapiro

John Paul II – “Because those people who live in trailer parks are different, right Jim?”

As a matter of fact, I spent my first year of life in a trailer.

I assume there are all types of people who live in a trailer park, but there is a fairly well known, well understood satirical generalization about the denizens of tornado magnets.

Do you teach a class in Political Correctness?

Alison

Jim, you’re just plain out of line, as was the judge.

bonnie

I find Red Lobster horrifying!

JackU

I haven’t looked at the details of this so if it is explained there I apologize for the obvious question:

@Jim: Are you saying that the Judge lives in a trailer park? (Or at least acts in accordance with the stereotype you are referencing.)

http://www.skyseastone.net/jvstin/ Paul (@princejvstin)

Horrifying. Not even a question.

Jim Shapiro

Alison – which line is it that you would like me to not stray from? Are you an elementary school teacher?

JackU – Nice. Do trailer parks have their own judicial systems? Might not be a bad idea.

Dan

Somehow, I think if the person in question had put his hand around and threatened to hit, say, another man (or a police officer), the consequences would be much different. Essentially, the message that’s being sent is that violence against a woman isn’t a crime.

Jamie

OMG!! Horrifying! Horrifying! Is this 1880 or something?!?!

STUPID STUPID judge!! If that guy isn’t removed from the bench immediately, I will lose all hope.

Sherry Clark

Sad beyond words when Judges are placed on benches to make life and death decisions without the benefit of education about the issues. This decision could very well result in more violence and certainly emotional trauma for the woman who is already in escalated danger because of the strangulation event. I’m not sure who’s more dangerous – the Judge or the husband. Do we have an update? Has anything changed in this case?

ShellyC

wow, what a moron (the judge) that woman needs a good legal advocate and ALL judges need more training in DV issues. Therer are a few that get it but not many.

lake haes

We’ve definitely gone backward! Sounds like the man is a naughty child who requires scolding for mistreating his personal property! Strangulation is considered a felony in most states. And marriage counseling is contraindicated in any relationship that contains domestic abuse/violence. The judge definitely needs training!

allie

This makes my heart hurt. According to the Tubman Center in Minneapolis, threats of violence are one of the primary signs of an abusive relationship (source).

If you’re in a relationship and you’re ever scared, please call Tubman’s 24-hour hotline. Even if you’re not in the Cities, or in Minnesota, they’ll help you find someone who can actually help you, rather than make a joke of a truly horrifying situation.

Rayleen

Standard protocol in these cases is for them to receive seperate services until the offender can participate without retaliation. This usually involves active participation in 3 sequential Menders classes BEFORE there is any couple sessions.