Who Will Vet The Vets?

Dear Dr. Throuine,

I have been having some problems with my dog. By which I mean he has been having problems with his dog. By which I do not mean that, what I mean is that my dog has been having problems with himself. With the dog. My dog problems. Dog my problems been having problems. FIX MY DOG

He has a slight knee and a bad case of diseases.

I look forward to your reply.

Problemsdog.

Yours,

Mrs. J. Amberchap

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Dear Mrs. Amberchap,

I am a vetinarian. As such I operate on and care for animals, occasionally both. For this to be successful I need to be able to examine the animal at first hand.

With this in mind, I find myself unable to help your dog as you have written to me from over three hundred miles away. Please bring your dog to the surgery. Alternatively, even in your home county of Kent there are a number of skilled vets who will be happy to help you.

Yours Sincerely,

Dr. Throuine

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Dear Dr. Throuine,

I apologise for the misunderstanding that I failed to understand. Please find enclosed my dog and a self-addressed envelope.

Yours,

Mrs. J. Amberchap

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Dear Mrs. Amberchap,

I have finished examining your pet dog. Your dog is in perfect health. I am afraid that there is only one thing I can do in the circumstances, which is to put it to sleep. (That is a phrase used in the vetinary fraternity, which means I will kill it until it is dead.) Unfortunately a long period of good health in dogs often precedes a decline into sickness, followed by a painful death.

Were I to leave your dog as it is it would certainly die within a few decades. I would also have to find some way of reattaching the rear right leg and spinal column. As I know I can trust in your understanding in this regard I have already "put" it "to sleep", that is to say killed it until it was dead. Please find enclosed my invoice for this matter.

Yours Sincerely,

Dr. Throuine

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Dear Dr. Throuine,

I have heard tales of such as you. Return my dog forthwith or without delay or there will be what-for. I will pay no invoice until this matter is settled and my dog is returned to me with or not without problems. Any further to-do will be met with my husband coming round to the surgery to give you a good hiding.

Yours,

Mrs. J. Amberchap

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Dear Mrs. Amberchap,

I am afraid what you ask is quite out of the question. Your dog has been disposed of hygienically and respectfully. Please find enclosed my invoice for this matter.

Yours Sincerely,

Dr. Throuine

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Dear Dr. Throuine,

Right that's it my husband is going to give you such a doing.

Yours,

Mrs. J. Amberchap

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Dear Mrs. Amberchap,

I have finished examining your husband. I am afraid that there is only one thing I can do in the circumstances, which is to put him to sleep. Were I to leave your husband as he is he would certainly die within a space of time. As I know I can trust in your understanding in this regard I have already put him to sleep.

However, regarding the unfortunate recent misunderstanding, I have taken the trouble to enclose your husband. Please find him enclosed.

Please also find enclosed my invoice for this matter.

Yours Sincerely,

Dr. Throuine.

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Dear Dr. Throuine,

Thank you for returning my husband. He has been much better since visiting your surgery. Please find enclosed payment for your invoices.