So, That Relationship Between The Porn Star And Ulitimate Fighting Champion Didn’t Work Out

Porn star Jenna Jameson and mixed martial artist Tito Ortiz have ended their relationship. Instead of just telling you what happened, I will recreate for you what your side of the conversation would sound like if somebody called you on the phone to tell you about it.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

YOU: Hello, thank you so much for calling my phone.

Muffled phone voice, muffled phone voice.

YOU: What?! They broke up?! I didn’t even know they were together! Or who that guy is. Who is that guy?

Muffled phone voice.

YOU: Oh. Figures. Ha. What happened, did she, like, get messed up on drugs like a porn star and then he got abusive like a guy who beats people senseless for –

YOU: Oh, that is what happened. Wow. Or the opposite of “wow” I guess.

Oh, you. You are so witty on the telephone. Anyway. Yeah, that was you finding out that Tito is accusing Jenna of being hooked on OxyContin and freaking out when she was confronted about it, and Jenna is claiming that Tito picked her up over his head and threw her in a bathtub.

Let’s Twilight this up. Who’s on Team Jenna and who’s on Team Tito? And….. the results are in. Nobody is on Team Tito.