Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

I thought I was going to be doing blog posts while I was AT West Coast Haunters Con but that didn’t happen. I was like a kid in a candy store and it was all I could do to take more pictures than I did last year. I was giddy, excited, restless, overwhelmed… off my rocker with joy, about sums it up. This years Convention was the awesomness! I can’t wait until next year!

I went about taking pictures in a different way this year. I added in Monster. Monster is a small dog toy that belongs to Ruffio. The reason I brought him this year was due to Ruffio having to stay home, plus I have brought Monster to work with me on days that were overly stressful and I needed something in the way of a Service Animal, heh! Monster has become my go to for stress relief. No, I don’t stuff him in my mouth and squeak squeak squeak the stress away, although I have done that when playing with Ruffio.

Monster gained a following quickly while at the Con and I had been asked by a couple of people if I was going to make him a Facebook Page. so I did. You can follow The adventures of Monster here: https://www.facebook.com/RuffiosMonster

Before I post a few pictures from WCHC, I wanted to mention how I feel about moving down there. I have been researching apartments to live in while I figure out where I want to buy a house. I was looking, online, in and around Vancouver, WA and stumbled upon Slate Ridge in Fishers Landing. Of course online photos can be misleading. so Fama and I headed out to drive around that area. We stopped in the Slate Ridge Leasing Office and spoke to the rep there, for some time, and she showed us different apartments. I love Slate Ridge!! It is a bit expensive but I will be paying for peace of mind for living in a nicer area and they have a small movie theater that can be reserved, pool, gym, dog park, etc. So one check mark off the To Do list for living there, and hopefully an apartment will be available when I need it. I will still need to find a job, but something tells me to wait and something right will come along. Of course, I will not wait too long and plan on creating full time once I am down there.

As for the driving in a big city, I have no problems driving around down in the busy Portland area. It just feels right. Yes there is traffic, but there is traffic here too and the drivers up here are a-holes.
I mentioned on Facebook that I feel out of place now that I am home. Driving down streets that I have driven on most of my life and I feel like I’m… just not in the right place. An Oregon friend on FB mentioned, you are physically in Alaska but your soul is down here. That is literally what I feel like.

I will get there, the psychic medium at WCHC told me so. Not only will I get down there and do very well, but I also must start creating! She said my soul needs it and aches for it. Which I already knew 🙂

Now for a few pictures… If you want to see more pictures you can go to Monsters Page and look in his Photos for the West Coast Haunters Convention album.

You may recognize a few of these guys if you watched Face Off on Syfy. Angie Hill took First Place at the West Coast Haunters Costume Ball, for the second year in a row!

Tomorrow, Fama and I will arrive in Portland, Oregon!!! We are going on a scouting mission for me to find an apartment in an area that I am comfortable in AND to go to WCHC!! Wooo Hooo!!! So many people I can’t wait to see again, and the new ones I get to meet finally!

I’m almost packed, only the few things I have to throw in tomorrow after the shower. Ruffio has been dropped off at daycare and I MISS HIM!! Not sure how I’m going to sleep without my little snuggle butt.

If you’re friends with me on Facebook you are aware that I plan on moving to the Vancouver, Washington area and have set a date of October…and if we aren’t FB Friends, you are now aware. Heh. I have been overly tired with Alaska, in many many regards, for years now. The weather, the isolation, cost of living, and on and on. There really is no haunt community up here and although there are many artists, they tend to all drift towards the tourist industry, which is Alaskan themed items. Yuck I say, but understand that is the theme that is the money maker here. …and again Yuck I say!

So the move… I was born and raised in Alaska, with the exception of living in Alabama for roughly 6 years when I was a wee Lass. Alaska is a different creature of a state and there are many a things to learn when I move to America, as the Fam lovingly calls it. Like what? You may ask, well… pest control for one. We do not have fleas, ticks, fire ants, house ants, snakes, lizards, smaller destructive mammals like mole’s, raccoons, etc. At least none of these things listed are a problem in that we have to be proactive about it… mainly because we are in a frozen state for much of the year. Yes we have mosquito’s that can carry off a small dog, and of course we have large wildlife. Tit for tat I guess.
My other concerns are: getting to know the area to find a ‘good’ place to live, finding new doctors, new Veterinarians, Dentist, Ophthalmologists, Doggie Day Care, where do I get my car fixed? Heck, where do I buy my car? Then the biggy… finding a JOB. Having no health insurance until I find a job, yes I’m fully aware of the ‘Not Affordable Health Care’… don’t get me started.

Having stated some of the worries I have, I also find excitement in it as well! Finding new places to eat, the best place to view a sunrise or sunset, shopping for antiques without it costing me a mini fortune, the new types of trees and plants that can be grown or battled with. Free Shipping!!! I can drive to a different state! I can fly to a different state for cheap, or take the train!
No, I do not look forward to battling the bugs and having to treat Ruffio with Flea and Tick meds, but I look forward to being able to take him on walks and play in the yard for more time over the seasons. OH the seasons!!! I can actually see a Fall, that doesn’t last two weeks! Pumpkin patches!!! …and Pumpkin patches!!! and more Pumpkin patches!!! Fresh fruit and veggies from local growers that are much more in abundance. Fresh Seafood!!! (Yes we have Seafood up here but most of it comes from somewhere else) and Halloween, oh Halloween how I have missed you. I do understand that October is rainy in Van/Portland, but have you ever had to wear a winter coat, boots, hat and gloves OVER your Halloween costume…and not have it be part of the costume? I can handle rain… and actually like it and fog!

So as you can see I’m over the moon with excitement of moving to somewhere new, that is not Alaska, but yes, I have a lot of life stress to handle before that. Fama is in Stage 4 lung cancer and time is not on her side. I so want her to move with me, but I doubt that will happen. She has a connection to Alaska, one that I truly do not share, and she wants to be here. My plan for October was going to be followed through with even if she was still with us. I battle with the decision and yes I want to spend her last times with her, but at the same time I cannot take another winter here. Sounds completely selfish, and maybe it is, but I have put off my plans for roughly 3 years now due to life emergencies and quite frankly, I’m beyond frustrated. What is one more winter? Pure hell. I literally feel myself walking closer to the grave with each winter… and NO that is not some metaphor for me wanting to off myself. I simply mean that I literally die on the inside. Winter here is nothing but a dark, white and grey frozen world. I loathe snow and ice and cold. I need milder winters, with green to be seen, no possibility of four feet of snow in a 24 hour period, or even just one. If snow happens, there are snow days!!

So as you can see I’m feeling stuck but overly excited for new experiences to come!!

This is a post I don’t want to write. I want the clock to turn back, some magic wish to occur with me being able to make my Wicket live all of his days happy and healthy right along with his Momma. That didn’t and can’t happen and my Wicket is gone.

Wicket started having grand mal seizures Friday night, small strokes Saturday night and another grand mal Sunday evening. The cause points to a brain tumor and I had to make the heart wrenching decision to let him go. These aren’t the only symptoms he had, there were numerous neuro signs that confirmed the suspicion even more. I couldn’t allow for him to be in pain or uncomfortable with loosing his eyesight, his balance, etc. only to keep him with me.

I hurt emotionally and physically. I have cried so hard my stomach and back are killing me. I guess that is one way to get a six pack, heh. My inner children have left me, they are in some deep dark recesses of my brain and refuse to come out, they too want their Wicket back. I truly miss my little Sexy Face and feel that things were so unfinished. We only had a year and a half together.

I miss my little puppy soul mate…

Run and play my little Wickimus, Momma will see you again little buddy. ‘Til then hang out and run as fast as you can, you can come see me as often as you want. If I don’t see you, give me a nudge on the calf like you use to do, to let me know you are there. I love you infinity times infinity.

Mom and I are home from the WCHC in Portland, Oregon!! It was awesome! I was a bit overwhelmed and didn’t hang out with people or do many of the things I would have. Next year I will know my surroundings and be all over everything.
We did go to one seminar, which was Drew Pierce of Cut Throat Studios on how to rust and dirty things up. I felt right at home with him talking, my inner children were bouncing in their seats. We also saw some old friends, family and went to the Rose Test Garden and the Japanese Garden. We drove around in Battle Ground and Brush Prairie to get an idea of the area. I seriously can’t wait to get down there.

One thing I would really like to do is to get a booth down there. I don’t know if I could do it while living up here though. Getting everything down there via plane would be a bit tricky. I would want to decorate my booth, instead of having the plain Jane look, so that would be hard to do and then ship. I was thinking I could split a booth with someone and it would be cheaper and easier to man. Taking food and bathroom breaks when your alone would kinda suck.

On a different note… my hair has grown fast! I’m going to get it trimmed tomorrow. I’m liking it short, it is sooooo easy! Plus I have no clue what kind of style I want to try to grow it to.

Well I’ve gone and done it. If you follow me on Facebook this won’t be news to you, but the emotions behind it and the story itself, may be. I will keep you guessing for a few more seconds, unless of course you’re a ‘jump aheader’ like I am and you’ve already looked at the pictures. I’m going to go into the how I feel/felt about what I did and I will post updates later on my experiences with the public and friends. What did I do… I shaved my head down to a short buzz cut. Why? Several reasons really, but the main decision in doing it was for my Mom or Fama as I will call her from here on out.

My Fama has Stage 4 Lung Cancer and by the second round of Chemo her hair was falling out in handfuls. To give you a taste of the horror she felt: she is a woman that spent a lot of money on her hair, constantly having it trimmed, playing with it in the mirror, etc., to feeling something strange around your ankles and feet in the shower to look down in shear terror to see a mound of hair. Looking in the mirror daily or hourly to see what was left and to finally have to make a heart breaking decision to go to your friend, that owns a hair salon, and ask her to buzz it all off.
I will admit my Fama is a vain women about her appearance. To her defense it was partially due to her upbringing and then was also a result of her owning a business in insurance, that was back in the day to be a man run/owned field of business. The upbringing was deep south, Georgia and Alabama and I don’t need to explain any of that, most understand immediately.
So as you can see, the hair loss for my Fama was like loosing a very large part of who she has believed herself to be. I knew the hair loss would happen and knew there would be nothing I could do to stop it, the only thing I could do is support her, but how? How do you support something like that? Yes I could tell her how awesome she looks and it is no where near as bad as she thinks it is. She does look awesome by the way.

So I set my mind in motion and started thinking of what it is I could do, which my inner children had already decided on. How could I shave my head? I’m the girl that went to school dances, dancing with a brush in my hand in case my hair was messed up. I literally did not leave the house without a brush or comb. My hair has not been shorter than mid back since I was 12. I’ve had the same hairstyle since I was in 6th grade! Except for the occasional perm, which I always swore to never do again, I believe I’ve had three total in my life, the last one being in 94′ when I was married. I wanted something easy for swimming in the ocean.
The other thing my own vanity has chased me around with is my grey streaks. I have always wanted grey streaks framing my face, and I had them!!! They grew naturally EXACTLY where I wanted them. How could I give those up!!

How could ‘I’ shave my head willingly?! I let my mind mill over the idea, and yes, my inner children had already decided it was to be done. The more I became comfortable with the idea the more free’er I felt. My inhibitions were falling away slowly. Think of how quick a shower would be! On the weekends I dreaded having to get up and take a shower due to how long it took to wash and condition, then get out and have to blow dry my hair. The makeup part doesn’t take long, mascara only, so my hair was always the ordeal. What about having bed head and having someone come to the door? I have a glass front house, there is no hiding from them.
Oh and hats!! I couldn’t wear hats. My hair was/is baby fine and does not look good with hats. It gets smooshed down and then my bangs were an issue. I want to wear hats and can/have to now for sun protection. Woooo Hooo!
It was decided… I’m shaving my head!! I literally came to this conclusion very quickly, and only days ago. I friend of mine had posted on FB May 21st that she was going to cut her hair at the Relay for Life Celebration. She is also very attached to her hair, so she is only getting it cut short, not a buzz cut and her Dad, that is the Cancer survivor, will be doing the honors of cutting her ponytail. The Relay is on June 1st and since I wouldn’t be here, but instead in Portland, I had to set the ball in motion fast. I got a hold of Cindy Powell, that organized the Relay event, and asked which Beauty Salon was donating their services and how to go about getting the hair to her for donation. The planets truly aligned… Cindy is also a friend of mine so she was willing to meet me at the Salon to get the hair. Also, the Salon donated their services to me, even though I was going to their Salon and taking up a paying customers chair time! I have to thank Trina at the Beauty Room for her services. Although she was getting choked up at first over why I was doing it, she came through like a trooper and did an awesome job!!
My hair is being donated to Pantene Beautiful Lengths which is partnered with American Cancer Society to make and donate free wigs to women with Cancer.
I ask that if you are going to donate your hair and you want it to go to someone with Cancer to be given as a free wig, please donate to Pantene, or do your research on who you are donating to. I won’t mention their name but the other ‘well known’ place that people donate to does not donate their wigs, instead they charge, and very few if any go to Cancer patients.

So the decision was made, the hair was cut. I wasn’t nervous until I sat my butt in the chair and knew it was going to happen. I wasn’t nervous enough to run out screaming, I had just enough of the ‘what the hell will my head look like?’ or ‘Am I going to look like a man?’ or ‘how cold is my head going to get?’
What do I think now? Oh my word!! It is awesome! No muss no fuss. I did use too much shampoo and conditioner yesterday, I came home and took a shower due to all the little prickly hairs being everywhere. I didn’t know what to do after I got out of the shower. I will admit I have found myself going to sweep my hair back, out of habit, and when I put my shirt on after the shower I instantly went to pull my hair out from under my shirt. LOL!

I will post more as I meet people or see how people react in public. I’m sure I will tell more on Facebook, so if you want to follow the bouncing ball, come over and friend me.

Now for some pictures:

First picture is of the pigtails that were being put all over so that we could get the max amount of hair. The second picture is washing the prickly hairs away so she can neat’n up and trim.

I will be going on vacation May 29th through June 5th to Portland. As you may know from a previous post, my Mom has cancer and has a poor prognosis. The vacation was originally for me to go to the West Coast Haunters Convention, and it still is, but we have turned it also into a Mother/Daughter vacation. My Mom took care of my Da when he had cancer and eventually passed this last August, and she needs some time off just as much as I do.

Now to the Panhandling… I am not desperate for money and very thankful that I can keep my own head above water. I had the idea of setting up a Fundraiser, otherwise known as a ‘give me money for no other reason than you have it to spare‘ raiser. I want to be able to pay for dinner and other misc. things when we go down to Portland and not struggle when I come home.
Yes, I am throwing my pride and ID to the wind and shamelessly asking for monetary assistance. Will I cry if I don’t get any…no. Will I go to the nearest Pet Store in Portland to buy Wicket goodies if there is some money donated…you friggen betcha!!
If you donate, with stipulations that I use the money for Wicket, dinner, whatever, I promise that I will do just that and take photo’s of what I buy. Keep in mind, I do not drink so if you say I must go out and party with it, my style of partying may be different than your style of partying.

Here is Wicket’s Cardboard sign. I tried to get him to say something about Vacation money but he refused. He stated something about snow and cold and he is fed up with not being able to play outside, at least I think that is what he was saying, he did have a toy in his mouth at the time.

Wow! I am always amazed by how long it has been since I posted last. Once life calms down, again, I should be able to post more. This year has been an whirlwind where family events are concerned.

In a nut shell I will sum up the lack of posting and ask for some prayers and warm wishes to add to the mix.
As some of you know my Da passed last August, a month or so ago we found out my Fama (Mom) has cancer as well and was given 2-6 months to live. We don’t know the type of cancer yet, but should find out with the second liver biopsy that she had to do. The cancer is in numerous locations including, Lung, Liver, Lymph-nodes, Thyroid and Adrenal Gland.
But wait folks, that’s not all! My brother ended up in the ER with severe back pain and it ended up being Kidney Stones. During the Ultrasound or CT Scan, I don’t remember which, they found he had some sort of mass on his Kidney. He had an MRI, which they are waiting to see the Doc for, but reading the results says it is a Renal Cyst. That could be a really good thing or a bad thing.

In a previous post I explained by Carpal Tunnel surgery. I was still having pain at 3 months of healing so I spoke to the hand Doc at my last checkup. He poked around, did some x-rays and found that I have CMC Joint arthritis. Basically it is arthritis at the thumb joint, the joint that is connect to the palm of your hand. Kinda sucks and since it is early in the onset, there is nothing to do but support the joint when I’m going to over use it.
I also went to a Dermatologist and got a whole body check for all the moles and various spots I have. I had one on my upper wrist that would worry some Docs when I saw them for other things and it was starting to worry me a bit. Had it cut out and biopsied, turned out to be pre-cancerous so they let it heal for 4 weeks and I went back to have it frozen with Liquid Nitrogen. Since I have numerous other spots that are starting out the same way I have to wear 30 SPF when I go outside and I have to cover up, including a hat. AWESOME!! BUT, at least I caught it in time!

I’m trying to think if there is anything else…. Not like all of that isn’t enough! I pray that Wicket stays healthy, not sure how much more I can shoulder if I don’t have my little man to bring me out of it.

In good news… I have my airline tickets, hotel and admittance tickets for West Coast Haunters Convention that is coming up in June. The plan is for Mom to go down with me but if she is too sick or has passed, I will go alone. I will be down in Portland, Oregon for a week and while I’m there I’m going to look around Vancouver, Washington for locations to move to.

Other than that, I haven’t been in the craftroom since December. I need to make stuff to sell, I need the extra money for the trip, but I am so tired when I get home from work I don’t feel like doing anything other than staring at the computer and TV.

I had the Carpal Tunnel surgery on the 18th of January, had the stitches removed the 30th of January and started Physical Therapy, which I was already going to for Tennis Elbow. The hand is much better than before but it is still healing so I get a twinge of numbness zingers and dull pain with certain movements or when weight bearing a certain way, which is normal. It takes roughly 3 months for one to be completely back to normal, but you get use back in your hand at four weeks.
The Physical Therapist gave me the go ahead to get back in the Craft room!! Wooooo Hooooo!! She wants me to start out slow and not over do it. We are working on the strength building in my arms so that I don’t have the Tennis Elbow problem any longer, man am I out of shape!
I’ve been meaning to ask her for a copy of the stretches she gave me to do so that I can post for all the Crafters out there who tend to do a lot of work with their hands and sit bent elbowed. Matter o’fact I just emailed her on Facebook asking if there is anything I can post to help out the Artisty friends.
So I’m on my way to healing up… YAY!!

In other importantay news: I’m fostering a pup for Polar Pug Rescue & Friends. Her name is Charlotte and she has a 98% chance of being related to my Wicket man. She is a Brussels Griffon/Italian Greyhound mix and boy is she a handful! She has been in rescue for roughly a year, mainly due to her fear issues. She is very fearful of men, since she was abused by two men for possibly her whole life, she is roughly 2-3 years old, she also doesn’t do well around new people.
She LOVES toys and is food motivated, she is learning Potty Training, which she really didn’t have much concept of. She doesn’t do well to harsh vocal punishment but does do well with a well timed AhAh instead of NO. She is very smart and it doesn’t do her much good at times. Every noise she hears she believes she must listen intently to, because after all Zombies can be sneaky. The only time I have heard her bark is when she see’s someone outside the house and once when I put on a big puffy coat in a different room, than she was in, and when she saw me she didn’t recognize me until I spoke to her. She kennels well, once you catch her, she is Italian Greyhound FAST and can bob and weave like you can’t believe. I typically have to corner her in a kennel and reach in and pick her up, to get her to wherever it is she thought she didn’t want to go. Luckily she isn’t fear aggressive and doesn’t try to fight back, at least from what I have seen. I’m sure if you were a male Zombie she might try to take your arm off, but that would be totally acceptable behavior and awarded with yummy treats.

My Wicket man was not impressed with having her at the house and wanted her to leave. He would plead with me, by way of pouty Griffon face and sad teary eyes, but I explain to him that she is family and needs help to overcome being scared so she can find a loving home like he has. Honestly though, if I see it affecting him too much I will return her to the Rescue. I won’t risk him going backwards in his own ‘finding himself’ that he still seems to be doing.

**Update** I took Charlotte back to the Rescue. She is too energetic for Wicket and keeps hurting him on accident, trying to play. He started shutting down around her so I won’t risk him getting hurt worse, especially with a back problem.

Well the crafting has come to a screeching halt. I over did it when I was creating Jack and Zero for the Christmas contest and pissed off my Carpal Tunnel. The pain wasn’t going away and in fact was worse than it had ever been so I figured it was time to go back to the Doctor to get it checked out again.
I asked my family Doc to send me to a local Hand Doctor specialist to see what was going on. They sent me to get a Nerve Study done and to Physical Therapy for my Tennis Elbow. The study showed that I have mild Carpal Tunnel in my left hand and moderate to severe CT in my right that will require surgery. Two years ago I had mild CT in my right only and no nerve involvement. I go back on Monday to the hand specialist to see when we are going to do the surgery. Yes, I am right handed so it will be a bit of a struggle for the first few days and then we will see if we are going to do the left after I heal up, but it isn’t needed at this point.

I was back in the crafting groove too!! Now I have to keep telling myself that I will get back to it, just have to dot the i’s and cross the t’s to be back in the saddle as fast as I can without causing permanent damage.