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The KeeWee Blog

How to draft the ultimate Super Bowl viewing team

Super Bowl Sunday. It’s the only day of the year when even people who hate sports want to have a party celebrating the ultimate American sport. (Yes, baseball fans, football is the American sport in this day and age). Naturally, Super Bowl Sunday is one of the biggest party days of the year, but throwing a party in your off-campus apartment isn’t all cheers and beers, there are some risks involved as well.

This season, we once again find the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl. The excitement around Boston has been growing every second for the last two weeks and it was all culminate during tomorrow’s game.

With every touchdown all of Mission Hill will shake with excitement and with every sack, all of the Fenway will cringe together. But it’s the people in your apartment who you’ll have to share the excitement or heartbreak. So choose wisely when sending out those invites. Here’s a look at the types of people to invite, or not invite.

1) The Bro - This is the guy who thinks he’s Rob Gronkowski. He’ll ‘Gronk’ whatever is in arms’ reach anytime something exciting happens. He’ll show up with two 30 racks - not to be nice, but just to prove he can shoulder two 30 racks. The verdict: Invite him. Despite his massive biceps and overall ‘bro’-ness, he’s not a bad guy and is more amusing than annoying. Plus, he comes with beer.

2) The Chef - This is the kid who is just dying to make the Super Bowl snacks. He/she is going to bring nachos already made and ask to pop them in your oven. This one can go either way. Hey, if a kid wants to cook let him cook. Chances are he won’t ask for anything in return except maybe a few beers on the house. What to look out for with this one- subcategory: The health nut. Let’s be real, no one wants to eat healthy on Super Bowl Sunday, it’s the ultimate free pass to skip a day on that diet that you probably haven’t actually started yet. If you’re friend wants to bring low-fat cheese and tofu, it’s a no-go. The verdict: Invite him. Free food! That is all.

3) The Bandwagon Fan - We all know who these people are. The kids who don’t know anything about football and don’t watch a single game until the Big One. Let’s get real for a second. Over 75 percent of the people watching the Super Bowl are either bandwagon fans, or just commercial fans - literally. Lay down the “don’t ask stupid questions rule,” and you’ll be fine. Verdict: Invite him. If you don’t invite at least a few bandwagon fans, it’s going to be a pretty lame party.

4) The Intense Kid - This is the one who LOVES the Patriots SO MUCH that all he wants to do is watch the game and not be distracted. Really kid? If this is what you want, don’t go to a party. However, if you want to be there for the celebration and you’re willing to quietly watch the game in the corner and not get mad at anyone for having a good time, you’re okay in my book. The verdict: This one can really go either way. If the kid is as described above, he’s okay. Invite him. But if you think they are going to get angry when people talk over the announcers and miss a play. Don’t invite them.

5) The Girl - Now this one can get a bit messy. There are plenty of girls who are well educated on football and can hold their own and even out-trivia the boys. There are also plenty of girls who don’t know much about football, but who are cool enough to chill and watch the Super Bowl. But then there’s the girl that asks annoying questions and talks through every commercial. Choose wisely when picking the girls. The verdict: Invite the first two kinds, lose the last one’s invite in the mail.

Alright, now that you’ve sent the invites, it’s time to buckle down and understand that with throwing a party, come some risks.

The biggest issue that would likely arise during a Super Bowl party would be that of a noise complaint on the part of a neighbor. Yes, it’s likely that they are watching the game too, but if you live next to a family with small children and you wake them all up when the Patriots win, they could get angry. Be respectful of the people who live around you.

Second, it’s likely that not everyone at your party is going to be 21. If you are going to be supplying alcohol to underage students, know that at your place, you’re responsible. If the authorities come to break up your party and find underage students drinking, whoever’s name is on the lease is the one that’s going to be given the brunt of the punishment.

Finally, the celebration. Most people can’t wait to run into the streets upon a Boston championship and celebrate with the thousands of others who have done the same thing. Be careful. Be aware of your possessions and your actions. There will be an intensely increased police presence in the area, and the cops will arrest people. Students have died in championship celebrations, so it’s important to remember the risks that come with running into the streets with thousands of the best fans in the country. No one wants to celebrate a championship in the hospital. Safety first.