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Friday, 22 February 2013

Thieves cured my belly button

So, going back to my navel. It got cured.
Just like that. By thieves. Or should I say, Thieves.

No, really.
See, I went to see this wisewoman.
A true witch, a healer, someone quite out of the ordinary,
actually. But that’s another story. Anyhow, by the by, in passing, I told her
about my infected omphalos.

Actually I
showed her.

‘Ooh,’ she said.

‘I know,’ I said. ‘Isn’t it awful?’

‘Well, it’s…not good.’

The Fortune Teller by Georges de la Tour

By this point, I should add, it was really
very unpleasant indeed. Flaming hot, with a bright
red rash spreading out all over my stomach. It did cross my mind that it might
start eating itself and that I’d just sort of reverse the birth process,
imploding into my centre-point until nothing remained. Which would be…disconcerting
for those watching. Spontaneous
implosion in slow-motion. Is that an
oxymoron? Probably.

Anyhow.

‘I’ll
bung some Thieves in it,’ she said.

‘You what?’ I said.

‘Thieves,’ she said. ‘Haven’t you heard of
it?’

And she went on to explain that, back in the mists
of time, when the Black Death was doing its Grip Reaper act, there were four
clever thieves. They were opportunistic -
some might say foolhardily so – as they robbed people dead or dying of the
plague. They keep themselves safe by
rubbing their bodies with a secret blend of oils. All well and good – except one got himself
caught and, faced with the choice of swinging for his crimes or giving up the recipe
– he spilled the beans. And Thieves
aromatherapy blend became known to the wider, non-thieving world.

So she poured some in my belly button and I
lay there, listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd, as you do when you’re being treated by
a witch. And after a bit, I got up and off
I went and that was that.

The next day my navel turned an alarming
shade of yellow but it had stopped throbbing and itching and burning. The day
after, all the old skin just sloughed off, snake-like, and there it was, all shiny and
new. Serious. Unbelievable. So now I have a new navel. A fresh start? A rebirth? Who the hell knows but it’s clever
stuff, that’s all I know (cos I’d been dousing it with all sorts – both natural
and unnatural and not a thing had touched it).

You can buy it. Or you can make your own. There are various recipes but here’s one.

Obviously you will need to dilute it
before use. Either use a carrier oil
(jojoba is good) or shake it up with water and use to spritz people, places or
pets. How much? Well, as a spray, use
one part Thieves to about twenty parts distilled water. Shake well and
spray. It can kill 99% of airborne
bacteria apparently.

25:1 with jojoba for a massage
blend. Or pop five drops into a teaspoon
of milk and add to your bath.

Loki steals Sif's golden hair...

But of course I didn’t leave it
there. I got to thinking about thieves;
about robbers. They are outlaws, disruptive forces that break and enter, that
slide through our defences. Is that a bad
thing? Sometimes, yes, of course… but not always. Think about the divine, the mythic, the
heroic burglars – Hermes, Krishna, Loki, Eve.
Creativity can be considered theft.
Think about fairy stories, where sometimes you need to steal the
treasure. Sometimes you simply have to use guile to gain the prize. It’s almost
alchemical – you have to break things down before you can build them back up. And
you can apply that to almost anything in life – personal, political,
philosophical. Or am I thinking too much
again? J

3 comments:

Looks good. Reminds me of a remedy with lot's of baraka I've using for many years, ordering the herbs from an Austrian pharmacy and making it myself: http://www.healingcancernaturally.com/swedish-bitters-herbal-remedy.html

I've been using comfrey agrimony and lavender extracts with some success to ease an embarrassing problem as concocted by Lucy at myrobalanclinic - natural remedies and a bit of witchiness seem to be great aids to healing