Doing Life Together

Are the Rules of Dating Confusing You?

When Sarah received this message, she wasn’t sure if Jason was asking her on a date or just wanted her to hang out with friends. The message came by text. She was hoping for more than a friendship with Jason, but not sure where he stands. Was this a gesture of dating? She wasn’t sure.

Sarah isn’t the only one. A survey by USA TODAY among 2647 singles found that 69% of people between the ages of 18-59 who are single are equally confused.

Is a date a planned evening withe friends, an individual invitation or a direct ask out?

Usually, we think we need to show special interest in a person and ask him or her out. But technology makes the ask a bit unclear.

So what can you do if you are uncertain?

Text back and clarify? This may back fire. If it the invitation was only a friendship one, awkward!

Go and find out as the evening unfolds. Probably an OK strategy. Be ready for either option since you can’t always determine what a person is thinking or asking from a text!

Call, talk to the person and see if you can get more information. Sometimes, a live interaction can help you read tone and intent better.

A lot of people specifically recommend being vague about whether you are on a date or not, for pretty much the same reason that you recommend not asking for clarification. If the other person views you as just a friend, it may make things awkward.

Because I know that, just because it turns out we are not romantically compatible doesn’t mean I don’t want to hang out with you. Yet, the way everything is set up nowadays, it’s always either one or the other. You can’t tell someone you would like to be romantically involved, have them disagree, and then just hang out as friends. IT would be so much better if that didn’t make everything so awkward.

Because, come on. Being someone I want to be friends with is a requirement for me to want to date you. Of course I would like to just be your friend if dating is off the table.

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