TRIGGER WARNING - Please do not read if you don't like discussions of penis size or remembering your childhood.

I'm sorry to bring this up again. I tried Googling my questions, but I couldn't find any matches.

When you first saw a penis bigger than your own (in the real world, not porn), how did you feel, honestly? If you felt inadequate or embarrassed or ashamed, how did you overcome that, (if you did)? Try to remember back to that first time, and try to remember how it made you feel. How did you learn to shrug it off? Did a lover liking your penis help you to overcome this?

I'm sorry to ask this, but I really want help with this. I always feel ashamed and inadequate, like I'm not much of a man.

I know all the platitudes - bigger isn't necessarily better, you can't judge a penis when it's flaccid, be happy with what you've got because you can't change it, etc etc etc. But when you lock eyes with a guy who has a bigger penis, and he sees that you have a smaller penis and he smirks at you because he knows he's bigger and better, how can you not feel inferior? And yes, this hypothetical DOES happen sometimes.

Thank you in advance for your input, my brothers. You are the only ones I can ask this of.

Bobcat

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You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Hey Bobcat, I'm sorry that you are struggling with this issue I guess we all were sometimes in the situation that you've described. How did I feel than I can't remember. But couple years ago when I was in army we have had public showers and off course who wanted could see you know "all". Well some time later after that shower one of my room-mates came to me and just talked like: "oh I've seen you, you are one of those guys with small penises". How did I react on that?Well I tried to put him in overall picture and somehow not to be caught by his words, so I tried to laugh on his remark and by so to make it non-important. It helped me to be aware of his age (he was much younger of me) and to remember of some his inadequacies, there were moments when he needed my help and support so I took it like pure rambling on everything. I've seen him as scared and lost guy who tried to gain something by pointing into others "weak spots". To me such behavior is more or less childish and I've seen it like that, he was poor boy who was never out of his home for long time, he tried to pretend to be tough guy and soon my thoughts were shown as true. I can admit that I don't like being naked in public places and I'm trying to avoid such situations. I must say that I don't see at all need in comparing sizes and making remarks on physical appearance. There are things that we can't change. To be honest I don't have any clue why I'm ashamed of nakedness and I'm not proud to admit that. But beside that I have more issues that bothers me when I don't feel like man enough, like when I'm in crowded place and somewhere in first row of some happenings. I don't like being spotted and watched by others, I feel too exposed and too nervous.And what struck me from your post are these words: "But when you lock eyes with a guy who has a bigger penis, and he sees that you have a smaller penis and he smirks at you because he knows he's bigger and better, how can you not feel inferior?"It could be that all this actually is not about size but rather about beeing seen with such negative attitude and treated like not equaly worth person. Real question is what can we do to not let down to others under such situations and to feel good in own skin?

I'm sure that is possible to overcome this by stop sticking to some negative opinions about self, stop thinking about lost opportunities and trying to build slowly positive approach, step by step. We all need heavily to work to fight negative self image that is left in the most of us as consequence of abuse. We survived something destructive and traces of that destruction is sometimes visible on many different sides. Let's dig all those scars and let's revamp it from zero.

i vividly remember the 1st time - the step-dad - in the shower together. i was 6 and of course - tiny. his was at eye level to me - and not only much bigger - but also hairy and gnarly looking. it was not only bigger - but also intimidating and scary. i don't remember feeling like i wanted to look like or be like that - more like the opposite. i thought he was gross. (he was the first abuser.) the things he did and the way he treated me - i didn't want to be like him in any way. he ridiculed me mercilessly - but not because of my size - but for being weak and wimpy and sissy and no good at anything that was manly and important. puberty was not a welcome time - because i felt like i was turning into him - physically. at that time i didn't know bigger was supposed to be better.

the 2nd time was in a locker room. i was forced to compare with a big buff jock who would have rivaled any porn star imaginable. at least that is the way i remember it. now i am beginning to wonder if BDD - body dysmorphic disorder - can apply to your perceptions of other people as well as the way you see yourself. i know now that i had a pretty high number of the symptoms that go along with that condition. he was my second significant abuser - as far as time span and impact on my self-esteem and self-image. (there had been others in between who were less traumatic.) compared to him i felt embarrassed and inferior and inadequate - however it wasn't just in the genital area - but all over - his height and physique and strength and sports prowess and popularity and leadership and everything - let me know i wasn't up to the standard. i now know that his need to dominate me was because i was a threat to his status - because i was 2nd biggest in that area in the school - but all i felt around him was insignificant. that was when i started wanting to be bigger - to be like him. and when i started compuslsively but secretly comparing with any other guy i could see and with any photos i could find. that usually just made it worse - especially the photos. even finding guys smaller than me didn't really do much to boost my ego.

a lot of my energy through the years has been wasted on comparisons and trying to reassure myself that i am OK. i am finished with that now. what helped? analyzing the whole story from start to finish and seeing it at a distance with objectivity and logic. Allowing myself to feel and express all the emotions that were so confusing and shameful at the time and say in concrete words what i was going through - to my T and to a friend and to my wife. knowing that they do not judge me or think less of me and actually like me the way i am - and that the stats that i place so much importance on are not all that important to them. and yes - my lover/wife - has said that she likes it/me the way i am. she enjoys looking and touching me and playing with me and she likes how i can make her feel. she is satisfied - so i am too. (but i still wish i was more muscular and my face was more handsome!)

don't know if any of this is helpful but - since you asked...lee

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"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho

I am a nurse and over the years and seen them in all sizes and shapes. What I've learned is that there are some bigger than me and some smaller than me, but most of us are in the average range of 5.5-6.3 inches (see article below*). Its actually rare for a man to be much bigger than 6 inches. More than 75% of us are 6" and under. Its only in our imaginations that everyone else seems to be bigger. And we all know that a flaccid penis changes size based on temperature, and also does so based our emotional state. Its also true that we see our own looking down from above, but we see others from a straight-on perspective which gives a better visual perspective on size.

I have a friend who is 6'9" tall and while he hasn't been specific about his penis measument, he has confided to me that his large size below the belt has made it very difficult to satisfy his wife, who is all of 5'4". A big one may look good, but can actually be a handicap in lovemaking.

For myself, I am coming to the realization that what makes me a man has less to do with whats in my pants, and more to do with how I live my life along with other people. After all, most people don't see my penis, but many do see my behavior and how I treat others. When I die I'd rather have my obituary say "He was known for his love and kindness." than have it say "Boy did he have a big one!"

Think about it.

Jude

*A review published in the 2007 issue of BJU International showed the average erect penis length to be 14–16 cm (5.5–6.3 in) and girth to be 12–13 cm (4.7–5.1 in). The paper compared results of twelve studies conducted on different populations in several countries. Various methods of measurements were included in the review. Source: Wylie, K.; Eardley, I. (2007). "Penile size and the 'small penis syndrome'". BJU international 99 (6): 1449–1455.

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I will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memoriesSarah McLachlan

Thanks, guys, for the input. Sorry it took me so long to respond to this.

Pero - you are, of course, correct. Smirking at someone else's penis size is a form of bullying, and I was bullied mercilessly throughout junior high and high school. As such, I'm very scared of bullies and their methods of emotional torture. Like you, I should remember that they are the ones who should be pitied...but it's hard to pity a bully when you fear them so much. You are also correct that it IS a self-conscious body issue. I NEED to feel comfortable in my own skin...I just don't know how.

Jude - lol, I LOVE your comment about obituaries. Of course, you have the right of it. And your comment that most guys don't see my penis but rather my behavior really made me think. I know having a penis makes me a man; what makes me a good or bad man is my behavior, not my penis size. I KNOW this, it's very logical...so why do I have such a hard time FEELING it? Why do I have such a hard time BELIEVING it? God, I wish I knew.

Lee - thank you for remembering back to how it felt, and for telling me what helped you. Your comment about finding photos of guys with smaller penises didn't even do much to boost your ego resounded through me; I've done the same and felt the same way. Having a lover and being told that you are perfect the way you are and that he/she loves your penis probably helps tremendously. I've never had a lover, but I've always figured it helps boost the ego.

I'm glad you guys found ways to combat your penis size issues. I'll try to remember your comments the next time I feel inferior.

Thanks again.

Your loving brother,

Bobcat

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You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

My cousin (my abuser) always had a bigger penis than me, I never started feeling inadequate until I was 16 or so when I began to realize he'd probably always be bigger than me. And maybe I thought that's why he was always the dominant one, that and he was always tougher than me. I have an average penis size, but it doesn't alleviate me feeling inadequate. So much so that it causes me anxiety induced ED, if I had a partner with a bigger penis than me it would definitely make me feel inadequate and intimidated.

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"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

Bobcat - because of the way you asked the question, my answer really distorted the way i told my own story. i answered honestly about how i felt about bigger guys but that is only half of it.

i was an early bloomer who was full-sized and developed in that area at only 11 years old, though having an average body size. i was far ahead of my peers and didn't really think much of it until they discovered that fact. suddenly i was a freak show and had no peace or privacy but was on display whenever they could get to me - in sufficient numbers and out of earshot of adults. i was a novelty and toy and the surrogate for what they wished they had but didn't yet. it was so ironic - they envied my larger size and hairiness and sekual development - while i envied their "normalcy" - small, smooth and immature. i am probly in a tiny minority of guys who were abused by peers who were far less physically mature than myself.

one of the effects of this was to convince me that i was a huge freak. then, when confronted by the super-jock - i suddenly felt like i was too small and inadequate. neither one was good. and i have flipped back and forth throughout my life between the two extremes.

another effect was to convince me that i was weak and powerless and had to be compliant and submissive to any and all influences - whether requests, demands or threats. of course, the prior experiences with the step-dad paved the way for that. i was well-conditioned by the time the other boys entered the picture. even one-on-one with another kid the same size and strength or smaller or weaker than me, i doubt that i'd have resisted or fought back. and naturally that learned helplessness fed my conviction that it had been at least partly my fault or that i could have prevented or stopped it if i had really wanted to.

just to say - it's all messed up - no matter what your measurements or placement on the time-line or comparisons with others. one extreme isn't necessarily better than the other. other peolple's opinions and judgments shouldn't have that much power over us - to make us feel so bad about ourselves.

Lee

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"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho

Traveler...your experience was alot like mine. I was also an early bloomer. In 6th grade they started making us take showers after gym class, so everybody saw everybody else naked. I remember how weird it was to be only one of two boys who had pubic hair and a more developed penis. I was teased and made fun of. It was not at all something to be "proud of". Strange how things turned around and eventually the boys who were late developing, were the ones being teased. None of us knew what it all meant, but a guys penis was always an object of scorn or ridicule back then.

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I will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memoriesSarah McLachlan

I have been blessed i guess with a 'large' member according to the stats available, but i remember seeing a couple of old family members (now passed) that seemed enormous to me.. but i was a kid too... perspective i guess.

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