Steve “Stevesie” Kennedy

Pros:

• He’s a monster–he can palm a medicine ball.
• He hit 40 home runs last year and hit .450 in an elite league, and he just wants to have fun now.
• He drives a blacked out Tahoe, and can drive everyone to the games. He makes carpooling look cool.
• His contact at Anheuser-Busch can get Busch Light to sponsor your team as long as your team donates $500 dollars to AB charities.

Cons:

• He put on a little bit of weight in the last year. His slight beer gut limits his once powerful range of motion.
• He’s moving into a new apartment in two weeks, so he’ll miss a game or two. You need that bat in the lineup every night.
• Sometimes he’ll get too drunk during the game and you’ll be the one who has to take him back to the park in the morning to pick up his car.

Projected: First pick

Outlook: This is your cleanup man. He’s faster than anyone you know and has one helluva cannon out in left field. He should be your first phone call.

Amazing read as always, McGannon. I don’t know anything about the lady weights, but let me just say it sounds like you’re going to have the most fit team in your beer league. Your catcher is out of shape, but only weighs 240 pounds?

As one of the more outta shape guys on my baseball team this summer, one guy is only 6’1″ and pushing 270. Does this make him obese? ….Asking for a friend.

Grow up, Peter Pan. Talent Talks, Bullshit Walks. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. (I have run out of cliches, but you’re an asshole and I don’t like you.)