Date: Fri, 20 May 2011 15:48:46 -0400
From: preecherdave@gmail.com
Subject: Friendship 2
Authors Notes
I published a story posted on Nifty - Friendship, Adult-Friends, April 29,
2011. It was to be a one episode story. A sequel formed in my mind,
Friendship 2. This new story is a continuation of Friendship but can stand
alone. However, Friendship 2 would probably be more easily understood by
reading the first story. My apologies to those who liked the ending of the
earlier Friendship story.
Both stories are not autobiographical and are products of the writer's
imagination.
preecherdave@gmail.com
Friendship 2
James and I kept up our visits to the the gym, 2 - 3 times a week. Our
dinners out and our movies dropped off. There were no more concerts and few
book discussions. We did double date with him and Steve. Steve and Anne
were oil and vinegar; he talked mostly to her but it was superficial and
stilted. Steve avoided me. Several times he did small intimate things to
James who seemed to be put off by them. He obviously was establishing his
position with James and letting me know my place in his life and
James'. Nothing was said afterwards, it was just obvious that we would
never do that again. We saw each other at work often but our friendship
became less and less close.
I had to admit that life lost a lot of its zip. I often seemed on
automatic. In March, about a month after the opera evening, Anne and I were
out for supper. She mentioned that I seemed off since some time in
February. The time she mentioned was that time of my night at the opera
with James. She said that I had never mentioned moving in together again
and that our life together had lost some closeness. I said that maybe I was
just a bit down from and a long hard winter and I would certainly try to be
a bit more like the old David. I started to look inward to figure out what
the problem was. Even my first glimmerings, scared the hell out of me.
A few days later on a Monday in mid March, James did not turn up at my
cubicle for our workout. I searched for him in the staff lounge and then
finally went to his office. His back was to me and he was staring out the
window.
"James. James. James!" I said. "Are you solving a major contract problem,
having an out of body experience or having a sex daydream?"
"Any of those would be better than reality." He said as he turned to face
me.
"James you look like hell. Have you had any sleep?" I said as I walked
quickly up to him and I squatted down to touch his arm.
"Steve left after a bitter argument. I was up most of the night."
"OK, workout cancelled. Let's go back to my place for talk and food."
"I don't want to see anyone, especially Anne."
"She won't be there. She doesn't live there."
He looked up with surprise and said that we really hadn't kept up.
When we got to the condo he sat on the sofa and I asked if he wanted
anything.
"David could I have one your hugs?"
I sat beside him and put my arm around him and pulled him to me. The story
started; the tears started.
"What an idiot I have been. I thought that I had met some one who I could
really be with. As the novelty wore off I should have seen the signs. David
I learned too much from you. Our conversations were superficial. He didn't
read, keep up with current affairs and didn't really like classical
music. I should have seen it but I made excuses to myself. This weekend I
finally called him on another unexplained late night. It turns out that we
had very different ideas on monogamy. What was wrong with a few experiments
with a guy with a cute butt or with a guy who was well hung, once, twice a
month, a week? He even admitted that he hated opera and he only went to get
a free night out or to get layed. His last words were bitter, cynical and
cutting.
"Hates opera! Goes to get layed! Capital offences." I saw the first break
in the tears and a trace of a smile.
Shit, David, he would not get the humour in that. He couldn't even think
like that. In fact, his humour was juvenile."
I finally saw that his emotions had levelled out and I said that it was
time for single malt and food. We talked some more about Steve and then we
branched out to work, current events and life.
"David, it is so good to be back with you as a friend. David, what's up
with you? You said that you and Anne were going to move in together."
"Well, not exactly, I said that there was some talk about it. Our lives,
work" I paused thinking, "I don't know," another pause, "We just never got
around to it. In fact, we had a long talk about the whole thing a few days
ago. I think that she feels that our relationship has become a little
stale." I paused and looked at him. "Our friendship seemed to slip really
badly, especially after the double date."
"Oh, the double date. I realize that the little prick set out to sabotage
it and our friendship. He is jealous, nasty and insecure. He actually
talked and laughed about our little 'experiment' in straight and gay double
dating to my friends. He made it sound strange, ridiculous and funny at the
same time. What happened to our friendship David? We just seemed to drift
apart. We never talked about personal things after that."
"I thought that was the way that you wanted it. After a night of incredible
closeness, that night after the opera, you announced that you had met
someone and were going to have a monogamous relationship. I saw doors
closing."
"David you gave no indication that you wanted more than being a straight
man trying something different with a gay friend. David you told me that
you loved me but you were not in love with me. Then you said that you were
talking about living together with Anne. I figured that we had a male
friendship where you experimented with your gay side and decided that you
were totally straight. In fairness to both of us, those were that
parameters that we had set. I had told you early on that I would never make
a move on you and I left the relationship basically to you."
"OK, crossed signals, words and feelings not spoken. I'm still confused and
mixed up but I know one thing now. You mean a lot to me. I have missed the
friendship that we had. Please James can we repair it?"
"There is nothing that I would like better."
"James, you don't have to answer but just before we parted that night, what
did you mean when you said that you loved me but you were a little less
definite about the second part? When I looked at you, you said gotcha and
gave a rueful smile."
"David, time for truth. That whole scene is engraved in my memory. You said
that you loved me but were not in love with me. Something made me want to
tell you my true feelings. I was falling in love with you. When I realized
what I had said was probably a mistake, I tried to take it back. David, I
want your friendship if that is all I can have. I want a friendship based
on truth and no bull shit, even if there is nothing else."
"James, truth. I am confused and not sure of myself right now. I want your
friendship. Can we start there. What do we do?"
"First a promise that we shall be straight with each other, well maybe not
too straight," he said with a big smile, the first big James' smile of the
evening, "Honest with each other in all things, no bullshit."
"Yes, as you said there is nothing I want more than that. Where do start
tonight?"
"Thank you so much David! I feel energized. I have somethings that I have
to take care of. I had the locks changed early this morning and I have to
give new keys to the Building Superintendent. Then I want to pack all of
HIS things. I shall be overly generous. I don't want to give him any excuse
to stay or linger. We are finished and I want to see his back walk out the
door. I want to phone some friends to let them know what happened; I don't
trust the prick to give a truthful account. Tomorrow, workout and supper?
Start at the beginning."
James made his moves to leave; as he went to leave I went up and kissed him
lightly on the lips. He responded with a kiss that was much less light. I
guess I knew where he stood. We smiled and I whacked him on the rear for
his efforts as he left.
"That was straight man's whack. I'll repay you for that one." He said with
a 1000 watt smile.
"There are no difference in whacks!" I said sarcastically
"Yeah! Do you want to feel the difference?"
I paused, "Yes." He showed me. Shit, I tingled in places where a straight
man should not tingle. We both laughed. James was back in my life.
Did I have a lot to think about. Talk about life changing in a moment. What
did I want? My soul searching was going to become more intense.
The next 3 weeks were a wonderful time. We had workouts, suppers, movies
and a concert. We disagreed over the first movie and we had a great
discussion about the film. We discussed current affairs. Luckily, he loved
the concert because the Mozart was beautifully played and the Shostakovitch
was dramatic and thrilling. He was reading some mysteries and I was reading
a new book, Operation Mincemeat, which was the old story with new evidence
of the Man Who Never Was; the story of the body dropped off the coast of
Spain in WW2 to spread disinformation to the Nazis. We discussed the
history of the Nazi occupation of Europe.
Anne and I had several dates with friends and suppers together and one
serious conversation. On Monday, James dropped by cubicle.
"You look tired and bit out of sorts."
"Anne and I gave each other our keys back this weekend."
"Oh."
"Eloquent as usual?" I paused dramatically. "She said that I was different
these last weeks, more alive and upbeat. She concluded that it was
obviously hard to compete with James. She wants us to go our separate ways
so that no one is hurt. There, as we promised, the truth. James I am at a
loss to explain how I feel. Last night was like a stream of consciousness
novel almost all night. What was I doing? What would Anne tell her and my
friends. Was I gay, bisexual, straight. What did bisexual really mean? How
would my friends act, my parents. Back again to my friends and Anne. Had I
been fair to her? Did I hurt her? Would my best friends disown me if I
broke the mould that they knew as David...."
"David, stop. You are a programmer and I am the head of sales. We break
things into small steps. We set goals. Anne has made a decision; nothing
you can do about that. Look back on your talk with her, I don't think she
will bad mouth you with friends. You don't have to have answers all your
stream of consciousness questions at once. We decided weeks ago that we
would just establish our friendship and we are doing that. Let's
continue. Take a few small steps at a time. Things tend to work themselves
out. However, don't look at me for an explanation of your feelings; that
can only come from you. Let's work out and have some supper. Lighten up,
enjoy the trip."
We did. We had more diners, movies, a walks in the woods by the river,
shopping together.; I was spending a lot time with James, comfortable
time. He asked me to join him and his friends at the Club, a small gay
club, on Friday night after our workout on Friday. I agreed. I spent a lot
of time thinking and figuring during the week. I got some sleep but not a
lot. On Friday night we joined his friends and I was greeted warmly as a
long lost friend. We drank and danced. At one point, I felt someone groping
my ass and I caught his good friend Robert doing it. He smiled and we
slowly danced away from the others. Robert finally stopped dancing and said
that they had noticed a big difference in James and knew it was not just
the break up with the prick."
"David, please don't hurt him. Don't play with him. It is obvious that you
mean so much to him. We all really like you but ...." He stopped and looked
almost pleadingly at me.
"Robert, we have promised each other honesty and no bullshit. I have a lot
to work through. The last thing that I want to do is to hurt James. We are
working on our friendship and I am working on other issues. I promise that
I will not lead him on."
"David, I believe you. Please be kind and loving to him no matter what you
both decide." Wow, no pressure there. Why is that some conversations just
seem to have great meaning? I guess they get your thoughts directed and
clarified? Time, place, circumstances? Robert's actions, words and my words
to him seemed to focus my mind on how I felt and what I wanted. It
clarified a lot of things. Thanks Robert. You probably will never know how
this little interaction has affected me.
As we moved back to the other dancers, he groped my ass tenderly with a big
smile on his face. I reciprocated. James looked at me with a questioning
grin. I whispered that we were just talking about him. As I dropped James
off at his apartment. I mentioned that I was going to the market for
supplies on Saturday afternoon. He suggested that he come and that we go
back to my place to cook a big supper and watch a movie (I had the better
kitchen and batterie de cuisine). I said that if he was inviting himself
back to my place for supper then he would have to help cook. He said that
he had actually improved his skills in the last months. I said that seeing
was believing. I got a playful shot in the arm for that. My heart lurched;
this man was getting under my skin and into my heart.
Saturday was great; a wonderful sunny April day in the north. Winter was
gone and sun and warmth were returning. Just walking around with James felt
right. We laughed and joked. Sometimes just silent as we soaked up
Spring. The produce was imported, available in the Supermarkets, but it was
great to be out and just walking. We cooked a great meal. I toasted his
great new skills as we dug into a meal that we had cooked together. I told
him that seeing was believing; I got another tap in the arm. We took our
wine to the living room and started a movie. It was a bust. We turned it
off and discussed why we disliked it. Bad dialogue, gratuitous violence,
bad use of the camera and scenes that needed editing.
"Well, we both trashed that movie and haven't even seen it to the end. What
next?" James wondered out loud.
Thing fell into place. I knew what I wanted, the next step. We had been
sitting close and our legs and bodies had been touching. I turned and
physically turned him to me and kissed him. The kiss became more involved,
active and I pushed my tongue between his lips. His lips opened and we
slowly and then more passionately moved tongue on tongue and traced lips
and then jaw and then back to mouth and tongue. I chewed on his upper and
then lower lip. We were both breathless. At one point, James stopped,
looked at me and asked if I was sure. My answer was to kiss him again and
run my hands over his chest. Then I opened his shirt. I played with the
hair on his chest and finally with his nipples. In no time our shirts were
off. This dam had burst.
My hand slipped down to his thighs and then gently between his legs. He was
fully turned on. So was I. He had said that I had to make the decisions. I
stopped, stood up and then put out my hands and pulled him up. I turned him
around and moved us to the the bedroom. He was about to say something. I
put a finger on his lips and told him that he had said that only I could
make up my mind. I undid his belt and his zipper. When I was finished he
was standing facing me straight and ready. I touched his cock and he
shivered and moaned.
"No fair. Only I am standing here naked and proud."
"Then do something about it." He did. I have never been as hard in my life
and proud of it. When he touched me, I cried out. I knelt in front of him
but he stopped me and pulled me up..
"Dave, I don't trust the prick. He is liar and a cheat. I shall be tested
on Monday. Until my results are back, hands only."
"James, only you would do that." I paused, "But, I have some ideas though,
about hands only."
"Show me Dave. I am in your hands." I groaned at his lousy play on
words. He laughed as I went and got some hand cream. Things often don't
fall into place in the right order. Note to self, buy lube tomorrow.
When I returned I made James kneel on the bed with legs spread facing me
while I stood on the floor facing him. I lubed my fingers. I bent over
slightly and used one hand to delicately fondle his cock and with the other
hand I fingered his balls and then his crack and hole. When I finally
inserted my finger in his hole and found his prostate, he was
whimpering. After a few minute of a not so gentle hand on his cock and
prostate, he stopped me and said that it was my turn because if not, he was
not going to last. We changed positions and I realized that my ideas had
been excellent. My nerves were firing and I had spasms of pleasure that
left me lightheaded. At some point, I had lost track, we were kneeling
facing each other and pleasured each other together. I finally cried out as
I felt my orgasm start in my balls and it went up through my penis; there
were jets of semen erupting from me onto his stomach and groin. He followed
even more loudly than me. We were a wonderful mess.
"Dave, some ideas. Better than the movie." James said slyly.
"Do you want to discuss why, point by point?"
"No smart ass. Just come and hold me. I take it that I am invited for the
night?"
"Its entirely in your hands." He smiled tenderly and put his arms around
me. "You have called me Dave just like you did that night after the
opera. The next morning, you changed back to David. Am I imaging things?"
"David is so formal; it's what everyone calls you. That night I felt so
close and connected that I wanted something that only I called you. The
next day with all that happened, David came back."
"Will I be Dave or David tomorrow?"
"We'll see. I hope Dave." With that we lay spooning and I fell into the
first gentle sleep in quite a while. I woke the next morning with James'
arms around me. There were two very hard cocks. With new ideas and
improvisations on the theme, that morning in bed, it was still Dave over
coffee. James became Jamey. We agreed, new names for a new friendship.
We were both very busy over the next week and had a couple of work outs and
suppers but little time for much else. I had invited Jamey to come to our
Friday pub with my friends. We drank and played pool. Little did I know
that he was a shark. With lots of laughing and joking they accused him, and
me by implication, of being hustlers. He held his own with the banter and
got in a few of his own zingers. I was on an emotional high from the
wonderful evening with my friends and their welcome to Jamey. It was one of
the best nights that I had had in months. Small steps were about to become
bigger ones.
When we got back to my place, as the door shut, I grabbed him, forced him
against the wall and started to aggressively kiss him. We managed to get
our jackets off while our tongues thrust in and around our mouths.
"Did you get your test results and are they OK?" I managed to get out.
"Yes and yes!"
"Mine were the same"
Before he knew what had happened I had his zipper down, his very hard,
throbbing cock was out of his shorts and into my mouth. I was not gentle
but I was careful. I licked his head like a lollipop and then licked up and
down the shaft. I took one ball and then the other into my mouth and sucked
each. His cock head was in my mouth. The taste of his precum and smell of
his musk from a night at the pub was one of the most incredible delicacies
and turn ons I have had in a long time. This was the essence of Jamey. I
just sucked his cock as far down as I could until I felt my gag reflex
starting, gagging would certainly spoil the ambiance. I wanted to give him
the blow job of his life. I lost track of time. He finally yelled stop. I
did and looked at his cock dripping with my saliva and his precum beading
in the slit as I slid my thumb up the tube on the bottom of his cock.
He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up and pushed me into the bedroom. He
literally stripped off my clothes and pushed me onto the bed. Then he
proceeded to do a strip tease as he slowly took off each piece like a Full
Monty act and stood there looking down at me. It was his turn to take
control. I learned many tricks as he sucked and played with me. I almost
lost it when he got between my legs and spread my legs and lifted them up
off the bed and licked from my balls down my crack and licked my hole. I
was in a delirium of pure sensual pleasure. At some point we ended in a 69
facing each other on the bed. With a finger in each of our holes rubbing up
and over the prostate and cocks in and out of mouths he warned me that he
was cumming but I just kept sucking. I felt the first blast hit my tongue
and tasted and felt each successive pulse. A minute or so later my release
came; it was so strong that I felt every nerve fire with a mixture of pain
and pleasure. It seemed to go for a long time and ended with small jolts of
pleasure. I was apparently quite vocal.
The next month followed much the same pattern doing the ordinary things of
life, together. We ended up staying many nights at each others
apartments. We did a lot by ourselves but joined each others friends
often. There were a group of my friends that played make up soccer at odd
times of the week and weekends and we found that Jamey had played in high
school. He was rusty but in good shape from our workouts. It added a great
new dimension to both our lives. As he predicated, the small steps seemed
to cause things to just work out.
I walked into his office one day and he was on the phone. There was frown
on his face and terse replies from him. When he got off the phone, he said
that he was pissed. The rental company was putting his rent up
considerably. He said that maybe it was time to buy something. He had the
money but had been put off by the hassle. My mind went into overdrive;
small steps, bigger steps. What the hell!
After our workout and supper at a local restaurant, I gave him my thoughts.
"Jamey, an idea."
"You know that I like your ideas. They can be very creative and fun."
"Get your mind out of the gutter. As much as I like the gutter.... I have
something else in mind. Why don't we both save some money and time. We are
spending a lot of time at each others places. I have a large condo. Give
notice, cancel your lease and move in with me. Save money and do what you
want over a period of time." The look on his face was shock.
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure of what? That your rent is increasing, that you can save money,
that my offer is genuine?"
"Dave it is a big step for you, for both of us."
"Are you backing out, saying no?" There was a pause as Jamey collected his
thoughts.
"No, I m thinking of you, your friends. I realize now that my mind was made
up last Fall."
"All we have to say is that your rent went up and you are using my place to
save money until you find something to buy in a difficult housing
market. Jamey time for truth to myself and you. My mind is made up. Jamey
can we just live a lie to the world for a while and just live in our own
little world? You know you were right; take the small steps and sometimes
things just work out. I know what my heart wants." I was shocked at my own
acceptance. He reached out in the restaurant and held my hand and his eyes
locked onto my eyes. I think that we both had moisture forming in our
eyes. Our moment of contact was broken by a clearing of a throat."
"Will there be anything else gentlemen? Sorry, it is close to closing
time. Do you want your bill now?" Said a grinning waitress.
James spoke with a smile still looking at me. "This has been a wonderful
meal and great start to our evening." He looked at her, "Our bill please."
Wow and what an evening it was. We had lots of ideas that night, very
inventive. We didn't get much sleep. I had officially made my mind up. He
never did answer my question about moving in until the next morning, on the
phone, when he gave a verbal message to cancel his lease and said that he
would drop in an official letter later in the day. Sometimes words aren't
needed. I guess we sealed the deal, all last night.
He moved in and unlike all my previous relationships, we seemed to enjoy
each other and our lives together more each day. I think that we both
blossomed. Our relationship outside of each other grew. A couple of
Jamey's friends had played soccer in high school and fooled around with it
in University. They were excited to join us with my friends. They became
part of our soccer teams. They included Robert, the groper; he played
soccer well. They were great players as their game came back and they
slowly got into soccer shape. Our first wrinkles came with poker night at
our condo.
Jamey had a night planned months before with some of his buddies. We
decided on a plan. We messed up the second bedroom to look as if someone
slept there and moved few of his clothes into the cupboards and
drawers. The guys gave him a hard time about not joining us for poker. He
said that his poker was rusty and that he didn't want to be taken to the
cleaners. The guys said yeah, they hoped that they were rustier than his
pool skills. They yelled that he just didn't want to pay them back for his
winnings that night at pool. He left in a midst of friendly catcalls. I
yelled out, "Have a good night Jamey. See you tomorrow."
Jamey came back while the guys were still there. He had a beer, kibitzed
and finally said that he was tired. As he left the room, he said that he
would see me tomorrow morning for coffee. I got an almost sultry look. I
returned the look. Alex, my best friend from University, stayed to help
clean up when the others were gone. As he left he gave me a look and put
his hand on my shoulder and said that he was glad that I was so happy and
left. Curious.
I went down the hall to the second bedroom and looked in on Jamey. He
looked as if he was asleep but I wasn't sure. I was awake, emotional and
horny. I went over and touched him. He was awake and he turned and smiled
that sexy, sly smile of his. The smile of wonderful pleasures shared. I
stripped slowly in front of him and I was hard and leaking by the time I
was naked. I pulled back the covers to discover a naked body with a very
straight, inflamed cock staring at me. No words had been spoken, none
needed. I knelt between his legs and for the first time I took him down all
the way. I repeated it many times sucking and using my tongue. I had been
practising. After he did the same for me, I had him on his hands and
knees. I licked down his back and then lightly nipped his ass cheeks. My
tongue travelled along his crack to his hole. I played with it and then I
stretched him and put my tongue in as far as I could. Then my lubed finger,
in and out, over his prostate until he was squirming and crying
out. Finally the head of my cock was at the entrance.
"Do you know how much you have come to mean to me. Tonight is for you, I
want you on fire, in my thrall." My hands roamed his body. I touched the
tip and traced the head of his cock, gently at first and then
aggressively. As I did this I pushed slowly into him. As I went further in,
I timed my down stoke on his cock so that I reached the bottom of his cock
as I went in all the way. I pressed forward with my body and tightened my
grip around the bottom of his cock. I could feel his cock get bigger as I
kept more blood from escaping. He cried out that I was torturing him. Did
he want me to stop? His reply was not on your life. Our finish was
explosive, indescribable.
That was our first time in the second bedroom. One step, one idea, one
memory, one building block, one room at a time.
A couple of days later Alex phoned and said that he was free and would I
join him for supper. I told him that it was great idea, that we hadn't had
a chance to really get caught up in a long time. He agreed. I let Jamey
know and he told me to have a good time. Little did I know how much
catching up Alex and I were to do.
Alex and I chatted and ordered. It was really nice to be with my best
friend from University. At the end of the meal, Alex looked at me with a
little tension in his body and eyes.
"David, I am going to say somethings and you can say what you want to my
musings." He paused and smiled. "We have been really close. We have covered
each other on a lot of capers. David, I have never seen you so full of life
and happiness. I noticed some things the other night at poker. I went to
the can off the master bedroom to get rid of some beer. I noticed two
different electric razors, toothbrushes, different deodorants. I passed the
second bedroom, I assumed James' room. It looked staged. The sheets and
covers pristine, never used. My curiosity got the best of me, I'm
sorry. The bathroom had no sign of usage, no razor, no deodorants etc. When
James left you called him Jamey, a special name that you never use for him
in public? I've seen the looks you give each other when you think no one is
looking. I saw the look you gave each other as he went to bed on poker
night. I'm not prying I just want to be able to cover your back. I think
that you are in love. There I have said it."
I'm sure that the shocked look on my face said it all. I couldn't hide a
lot from a perceptive best friend. "Alex you have missed your calling. You
would make a fine detective or a great snoop." I frowned and then poked his
arm as I broke out into smile and a laugh. "James and I promised each other
one small step at a time. I guess this is one of first big steps. You are
right."
"You and James are together?" I nodded yes. "Physically?"
"You looking for detailed descriptions? You only get those if I get details
about you and Jane."
"Touche. But you are straight!"
"I guess a bit bent now but something is still quite straight at the right
times." I raised my eyebrows and smiled. He smiled back and laughed and
said that was too much information.
"But Anne and all the other women?"
"Alex, I have learned that things are not quite as cut and dry as I thought
and as many people believe. Do you want the long or short story?" He
indicated the short story.
"Jamey and I started out as workout partners in July of last year. One day
I asked questions and he told me that he was gay and said that he didn't
want to lose my friendship. I realized that he was still the same person I
had known for months. We talked a lot about sexuality and the spectrum of
responses. We became good friends and he told me that he would never hit on
me as we were friends. In November, I initiated a physical contact out of
curiosity. It never went further in my mind than curiosity and we became
very good friends. He met a guy assuming that I was a straight guy who had
satisfied his curiosity. I had Anne and we even talked of moving in
together. In February we had another physical contact initiated by me. He
announced the next day that he had met someone. I told him that Anne and I
were talking about moving in. We still worked out but we slipped away. I
went into a funk, not knowing why. The guy he met turned out to be cheat
and a prick. We renewed our friendship and Anne saw before I did what James
meant to me. We broke up. Alex, I don't look at other men. I am only
attracted to Jamey. Believe me I have done a lot of soul searching. There
is a spark between us. It is trite but he completes me. I can be with him
for hours and not really talk and be comfortable. We share so much."
"You sound the way I feel about Jane. You are still the guy that I have
known since early University. I love you like a brother. Thanks for being
straight with me." He smiled and raised his eyebrows. "Now that I know,
it's a secret with me and I have your back when you need it."
As we left the restaurant, I stopped and gave him the manly, jock hug and
said thanks. We both laughed. What a relief, my best friend, still my
friend and going to stand by me. I rushed home to give the news to
Jamey. He smiled, kissed me and said that he had told me a step at a time.
A few weeks later we were at poker at Martin's place. Jamey had joined
us. He had a great poker face and knew his cards well. He got lots of
ribbing. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Rob asked me how Anne was. I simply said
that we had broken up. Then he asked if I was going with someone. I said
not really.
"Anyone in mind?" I shrugged and must have had a deer in the head lights
look. He turned to Jamey. "James, you are his roommate. You must know his
inner most secrets. Spill."
Jamey and I locked on each others eyes. He had an intense look. My eyes
said no not here. Then he paused and looked at Rob and said, "Rob, you know
me, I'm deaf, blind and dumb."
Alex broke in. "James, glad to hear you admit it. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb! Hey
guys, we have a game to play. Let's get dummy here to part with his
money. It should be easy." Laughter and couple of back slaps to
Jamey. Thanks Alex.
Ron one of my other close friends from University came up to me as we
getting our stuff together to leave. No one else was around. He looked at
me.
"I'm not prying but I have noticed a real change in you in the last
months. I saw the look tonight and I have seen others. You are spending a
lot of time with someone. I think there is someone very special and I think
I know who it is. Anyone is lucky if the find their soul mate, no matter
who he or she is. If it is who I think it is, you and he are very lucky."
My eyes were glistening and I gave Ron a huge hug and whispered thank you
so much. I suggested that we have lunch or supper some night soon and get
caught up. Jamey appeared as we broke our hug and said that we would make a
great looking couple. Ron looked straight at him and said that he was sure
that James and I looked much better together. He winked at Jamey and gave
him the same hug. The look on Jamey's face was priceless. Oh, for a camera
at that moment! Ron and Alex, two down.
Jamey's birthday was coming up and I knew what I wanted to do. True to his
word our relationship had progressed at my pace. With Alex and Ron in on
it, I made my decision. Another major step. We went out for supper and when
the meal was over. I took over.
"Happy Birthday, big guy, lover." I pulled out a small package. He opened
it slowly with a look of concentration and questioning. The ring was a wide
gold band with carvings around the outside. It glittered in the candle
light. The small card read: it will be sized to the finger YOU want to wear
it on. All my love, Dave.
For once in his life Jamey was speechless. His eyes glittered and I thought
of the often repeated phrase, all that glitters is not gold came to mind;
the item may not, by itself, be worth a lot but the thoughts, emotions
behind it were priceless. His only words, softly and lovingly spoken,
"Let's go home, now." We walked hand and hand for the first time down the
street to the car. Very little was said. His first words were really spoken
when were inside our home.
"Dave, I have let you set the pace. I think that we are both up to the same
speed. I have never had a present with so much meaning. Do you really mean
I get to choose the finger?" I nodded emphatically. "Then put it on." He
held up his left hand and his ring finger. With shaking hands, shaking with
joy, I put it on. "You had it sized for this finger!"
"No, just came like that, a fluke." I gave a not very convincing weak
smile.
"I see that sly smile." He moved, in what seemed like slow motion and
kissed me. We had kissed many times. This one was different: tender,
loving, consuming but still passionate and it got more
passionate. Sometimes it is difficult to describe the most meaningful times
of our lives. As the night progressed I felt that my body was on fire. We
spoke words of love and commitment. When he entered me I felt as if he
possessed my body and soul. After many minutes of sublime pleasure, I
pleaded to be inside him so he could share the exquisite sensations. I
yelled with pleasure and love as I entered him. After many minutes I
erupted in him and murmured my love yet again to him. When he reentered me
I felt possessed by a wonderful spirit. He moaned his love as I felt him
fill me.
Even after our climaxes, incredibly, both of us remained hard. When he
invited me in again, I felt him surround me. As he opened and closed his
canal, the sensations, the heat were incredible. I always find that coming
a second time is even more intimate; my orgasm is stronger and is almost
painful in its pleasure. I could only gasp and moan as it hit me. He
whimpered when he came again in me. I think that we both uttered quiet
expletives. He was still wet when I slid slowly into him from behind the
next morning and slowly used my hand to bring him a breathless climax; I
was right with him.
Then next weekend we had our usual soccer game with some of my friends and
some of Jamey's, although they were now our friends. Jamey and I were on
different teams. Jamey scored the first goal against us. Robert, Jamey's
good friend, scored the next one for our team. Rob scored one and I managed
to slip by Jamey and get a goal to end the game in a tie. There were many
raucous threats from Jamey about what would happen to me and he took a lot
of ribbing. After the game, Rob and I were talking, when suddenly Rob
looked over and said oh my god, Robert and Andy are queer. I looked over
and saw that they were disappearing around one of the buildings with their
arms around each other; there was no mistaking the intimacy.
"I believe the word is gay."
"They are Jamey's best friends. Did you know?"
"Of course."
"They are cocksuckers."
Jamey was approaching with a questioning look on his face. I signalled to
leave it to me. He did. "So what's wrong with cock sucking?" Jamey's eyes
bulged out.
"It's gross!"
"A question Rob. Do you like having your cock sucked by a woman?" He looked
at me as if I was crazy and nodded yes enthusiastically.
"Why?"
"It feels fantastic and is really sensual."
"So let me get this straight. If your girlfriend goes to bed with you and
takes your cock in her mouth, your cock has its own special taste and has
precum on it. She doesn't seem to mind. You feel great. She probably enjoys
it. So everyone is happy. But let's say if I did it to, say, James. It
would taste that same, he would get the same pleasure and so would I. He
would get off and might then do it to me and I would get off. The
difference is?" I didn't really give him a chance to answer. "By the way do
like going down on a woman." He nodded yes. "Pretty messy and wet down
there but it does taste good doesn't it? Gross? No way."
"Put like that OK but with a man? What about the other stuff. You couldn't
do that...." He looked at Jamey and I as his eyes looked down he saw the
ring on Jamey's finger and then on mine (Jamey had marched me down to the
jewellers the day after his birthday). "Oh, shit. You are not just
roommates." He looked shell shocked.
"Rob we can go through the 'other stuff' at another time and it might be an
eye opener for you. I guess I've answered your question from poker
night. Rob, I guess introductions are in order, meet Jamey, my partner. The
guys are going for a beer. I'll let you tell them in your own words. It's
time." I turned to Jamey with raised eyebrows.
"It has been time for me, for quite a while." The statement came with his
1000 watt smile.
We got to the pub and all ordered beers. Everyone from soccer was there. I
asked for their attention and then said that I had answered Rob's question
from poker night. "Rob do you want to tell everyone?" Rob smiled and said
that he thought that I should do it. Surprisingly he actually said it
kindly as a friend; I must have said something right. I just said that Rob
asked if I was interested in someone at poker the other night. I said that
I had given him an answer today. I held up my hand with my ring and said
simply, that they should meet my someone, Jamey, my partner. Ron, Alex and
Robert all got up together came over, gave each of us a hug and said that
it was about time and that we deserved each other, in a derogatory tone. It
got a little silly but there was fun, fellowship and we were soon on to the
soccer match with lots of abuse, given and taken.
We had, what was to become our annual July 1 celebration (Canada Day, the
Canadian National Holiday). Our condo had a great view of the
fireworks. Only one couple couldn't come. It was a mixture of straight
husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends and gay couples and
singles. Rob and his girlfriend were there. I had had my talk with Rob
about other things at his request; his smiles, days later, told me that he
learned something enjoyable from his 'queer' friend. The whole group were
our friends: they mixed well and I think everyone enjoyed the evening. We
all stood ahing and oohing over the fireworks, each with arms around the
ones that they loved. Alex and Jane were beside Jamie and me. Jane looked
at me and winked and then pulled Alex closer. I pulled Jamey closer to me
There were no more looks or comments. Things were as they were.
Some times I have these moments when I feel at peace with the world and
filled with joy and contentment as I did that night. In a strange way it is
tinged with a bit of melancholy but not sadness, maybe it is just a more
contemplative moment. In this more melancholy mood, Matthew Arnold,, the
19th century British poet, in his great poem Dover Beach said:
Ah, love, let us be true To one another! for the world, which seems To lie
before us like a land of dreams, So various, so beautiful, so new, Hath
really neither joy, nor love, nor light, Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help
for pain; And we are here as on a darkling plain Swept with confused alarms
of struggle and flight, Where ignorant armies clash by night. I am not as
melancholic and pessimistic as Arnold, I interpret his words maybe
differently than others. There are days when I feel that we do live in a
darkling plain but the darkling plain is what we make of it. We have our
loved ones. We make our own joys, our love and light and give meaning to
our lives. Our certitude is how we deal with the struggles and flight of
ignorant armies of the the world that clashes around us. To me, it is the
simple things that we look to. Sometimes we do it right and sometimes we
get it wrong. Sometimes we get a second chance; sometimes we don't need a
second chance. It is the small and big steps that create our own small
worlds of peace and joy and love, if we are lucky.
It has been several years since that day in July. Jamey and I have been
through some interesting times but the pledge of honesty and no bullshit
has gotten us through. Starting our own small business had its tensions but
we have quite a bit of money in the bank now, a nice home, some great
vacations and great friends. Our trips to the Metropolitan Opera have been
fantastic. It seems that Jamey didn't marry me just for a night out or to
get layed. Actually I never asked why he first went to Opera with me. I
couldn't have the wrong answer because that would be a capital offence and
I could not have that.
Yes, we got married; it was both practical and romantic. We wanted our
rights secured with no questions but mostly, we did want to make the
commitment to each other. At our wedding, Rob came up and said that he had
a great time and gave both Jamey and I a big manly hug. Robert groped me;
plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose (the more things change, the more
they stay the same). My parents came. Jamey's didn't; but that was almost a
given. But we had hoped; actually they have softened towards us, small
steps. His brother and sister did and we have become friends. We do a lot
with Alex and Jane and are blessed with our special times with my godson,
Jason, Alex's boy. Robert is one of my really close friends now.
I found out that I am a one person, person. For us, we still take one step,
one idea at time and it has worked out so far. I still get new ideas; Jamey
likes those. Jamey has a few of his own ideas. Wow does he have some great
ideas. I start to tingle just thinking about them.
Authors further notes
I am not a great reader of poetry but a few poems, read in University, have
stuck with me. Dover Beach is one. I have copied the entire poem below for
any who want to savour it.
DOVER BEACH
The sea is calm to-night,
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; -- on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanch'd land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.
Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Aegean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
The sea of faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furl'd.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar.
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.
Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night. (Matthew Arnold, 1867)