Thursday, January 16, 2014

I'm feeling stuck lately. One of those hitting a wall kind of things. Lost. Stagnant. Unmotivated.

Which sounds a lot like a typical January to me. Nothing is really wrong, there is no big fight with the hubby happening, no major crisis of emotion or life....just a general blahness.

It feels incredibly selfish for me to be whining about this, so I'm not sure I'll actually post this, but I do feel the need to write it out and see if something comes to light.

Some of the problem stems from my not-so-reluctant break from schooling. For the first time since the fall of 2011, I am not in school. On the one hand, this break should be good for me. It should give me time to work on getting the house in order before the baby comes, gives me the opportunity to sit around in sweatpants instead of investing in maternity work clothes, gives me the chance to take it easy during this pregnancy. On the other other hand, I feel like I am throwing away 2 years of hard work. I am only two classes away from graduating with my master's degree. All I need is my practicum and then my internship, and I graduate. That's it. All "real" coursework is done. I am finally at the point where I can put all of my learning into action. And I am having to take a break now. I say not-so-reluctant because I like the positive reasons I listed above for taking a break, but I am not taking a break because I want to. Financial issues, having to do with the ex-husband, are forcing my *hopefully* temporary break.

So all of this time away from school leaves me with nothing forcing me to do any kind of work. Don't get me wrong, there are a million things to do around the house, but there is no deadline, no looming bad grade if I don't get it done, nothing making me get off my booty and do it. I am feeling lazy. Which in turn makes me feel bad. Which means I am glum. Which equates to why I am feeling lost, stagnant, unmotivated.

I know what I can do to start feeling better about it all....get working on my list of things that need to be done. I just don't wanna. Why is that?

This baby is due to arrive in May. That really is not that far away. I don't really have all the time in the world to get stuff done in the house. So why am I sitting here, typing away on a keyboard, instead of scratching something off of that list? Especially since I know that scratching something off the list will be a step closer to solving my blahness?