I am blessed to say I turned forty-two a couple of days ago. Interestingly, a few days before my birthday, Facebook placed “Flashback posts” from my 40th birthday celebration on my news feed. Some of the pictures were are hard to look at for more than a few seconds. Soooo much has changed since then. The big FOUR OH (40) was easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl.

Turing forty-two came with battle scars and big life lessons yet more authentic love than I could ever have imagined.

I battled the war of divorce and I took a lot of body shots…disappointment, anger, rage, and embarrassment. I raised my sword to the death of my dream for my family and my life then pulled out my white towel in defeat. I drew my firearm but choked at pulling the trigger on having to offer forgiveness for being SEVERELY hurt and the fear of being alone forever. Even as a woman of faith, I can totally understand Mike Tyson when he said the prophetic words: “Everybody has a plan until you get punched in the face”.

One major lesson I had to learn……

1. We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world.(Ephesians 6:12 CEV)

Once I FINALLY realized the REAL fight happens between my two ears and in my heart, moving on became easier. However, let me keep it real, my boxing ringside cutman went through a whole lotta vaseline for my gash…it was huge and is still healing.

I heal just a little bit more each day I choose to put down my weapons and surrender to what is (where I am in life…career, singleness, finances) through prayer. Do I get it right every day? I WISH! Y’all I have days sometimes several days in a row where I slide back into old behaviors and fearful thoughts. Yet because of my journey and my healing gash, I now see people and situations through the lens of empathy.

Very recently, Andy Stanley said something that summed up my second life lesson:(I added the words in parenthesis):

I can’t tell you how many times I have said: “When I get ________ THEN I will be happy”, “When I stop feeling _______ THEN I will be happy”.

While I waited on the perfect circumstances for happiness to occur, God sent amazing men and women into my life who came alongside me and prayed, cooked meals, completed home projects, ran errands, you name it.

I had all the ingredients for the “happiness recipe” in my cabinet but I kept going to Wal-Mart…aimlessly walking up and down the aisles without a shopping list.

As I looked around the table at the beautiful faces at my birthday dinner and reflected on the posts, texts, gifts, and well wishes I received throughout the day, I couldn’t help but think about a quote someone emailed to me months ago:

3. “Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is.”– Mandy Hale

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? Isaiah 43:19 (MSG)

I am a music lover. Take a look at my Itunes library and you will find Kirk Franklin, Chris Tomlin, Jay Z, Rascal Flatts, Bob Marley and a couple of hard rock songs here and there.

On Sunday, I watched a little of the ACM Awards and I had the great opportunity to hear George Strait sing a medley of his classic “All my Ex’s Live in Texas” and his newest song, “Let It Go”. When he smoothly crooned “Let It Go”, everyone swayed side to side and seemed to listen intently to his lyrics…including me.

Here are a few lines:

Love’s great until it’s not
Hearts break but the world don’t stop
When it rains, man, it pours you can’t change the course
You can wish on a star but if it ain’t in the cards

Let it go, sometimes you gotta let it go
Let it all wash on under the bridge, blow it a kiss
Give it a rest ‘cause it is what it is

You never know
What’s waiting just up the road
Sooner or later that sun’s gonna shine
Luck will turn on a dime
And when the good times roll let ‘em roll
But when they don’t
Let it go

Let it go
You really gotta let it go
Let it go
Sometimes you gotta let it go
Let it go

As the work week began and dread reared her ugly head, I kept singing the line “and when the good times roll let ’em roll but when they don’t…let it go”. Now as much as I love music, country songs don’t traditionally usually get stuck in my brain. Perhaps it is the steel drum and steel guitar arrangement of “Let It Go” that remind me of the beach?

Perhaps, it was God, using one of his infinite ways (music) to speak to me?

Whatever the reason, George Strait is right….I really gotta let some stuff go.

If you are REALLY honest, I bet you have some things you need to let go of too.

And since we are being honest, I’ve tried “letting go” before and it is easier said than done.

So, how do you let it go?

After thinking about the lyrics, I decided to ask God through prayer and Bible study how to really let go.

Here are two truths I discovered:

1. Letting Go is a choice. It doesn’t happen spontaneously when you are no longer bothered by a situation. Letting go is an active decision to no longer dwell on what happened all while still feeling raw because of what happened.

…But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14 ESV)

2. To truly “let go”, I must relinquish the “right” to get even. This means acknowledging life is not fair yet God is the judge and will right the wrongs. In practical terms…it is surrendering my will to keep defending myself, continuing to argue my point, and/or manipulating people or situations towards an outcome I am attached to. (OOOH)

Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.” (Romans 12:19 MSG)

So, happy Hump Day! Where do you needed to “Let It Go”? Just like the song says: “You never know what’s waiting up the road”.

Watch the George Strait’s performance on AMC awards 2015 HERE. The man is amazing and touches all genres of music…the rapper Drake quoted him in his song HYFR.

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As our “girl time” activity of the weekend, my daughters and I went to see the new Cinderella movie. Since I know the Cinderella story backwards and forwards, I was ready to huff, puff, roll my eyes and noodle neck at all the gushy “love at first site” stuff.

Surprisingly, I did NOT roll my eyes, but there must have been dust in the theater because my eyes got a little misty. Not to mention, God used my time off my cell phone to minister to me.

The new Cinderella movie gives us a little background into the character of our princess, whose real name was Ella. We get a glimpse of Ella’s seemingly perfect childhood and her pivotal life circumstance that changed everything, the death of her mother.

We all have pivotal life circumstances that when we reflect on them, we can see the how the trajectory of our life changed for a season or perhaps a lifetime.

When Ella’s mother was on her death bed, she asked Ella to promise her one thing: To Have Courage and Be Kind.

When Ella’s father remarried her stepmother, Ella discovered something we in real life have known a VERY long time….having courage and being kind ain’t easy. With some folks and in some situations, it is nearly impossible.

It was refreshing to see Ella, who was given the name Cinderella by her stepsisters, desperately wanting to give up. If it had been easy for her to keep looking for the best in each situation she faced and then handling her challenges with kindness and grace-filled strength, there would be no lesson.

The lesson is in the struggle. The lesson is in having courage and being kind, even when you are not feelin’ it.

It was Cinderella’s kindness and courage that won the Prince’s heart. Unlike in the animated movie, their first meeting was in the forest in plain clothes, not at the ball. However, just like in the animated movie, when the Prince saw Cinderella at the ball, he was in love!

Ok annnnnnd since we all know the story….. they all lived Happily Ever After. Right?

Yes, but not before Cinderella did the most courageous thing anyone can do…she FORGAVE. Instead punishing her Step Mother for mistreating her, Cinderella forgave her.

Cinderella and her Step Mother both endured pivotal life circumstances. It was how they handled the cards life dealt them that made the difference. Cinderella could have easily become bitter like her Step Mother but she chose to be better.

So I left the theater wondering how I can be BETTER instead of bitter about my own pivotal life circumstances.

Surprisingly, my answer came from a princess but the original idea came from the King of Kings.

Have Courage –Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

and

Be Kind-Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Have Courage and Be Kind has become a new mantra for me! I love it so much, I created a printable for my desk! Want one for yourself? Click HERE

So it’s Monday again. I’ve got to be honest with you, Monday has traditionally been my least favorite day of the week. Perhaps it is the obvious things like going back to work and beginning the single-working-mommy weekly shuffle that cause me to cringe when the alarm clock goes off. Perhaps it is frustration about so many things that are out of my control right now.

I recently listened to an amazing podcast by Mitch Matthews called Dream Think Do. The basic premise of the entire the Dream Think Do podcast is “taking small but significant steps towards living more in the moment, bringing our best game and making room to DREAM bigger, THINK better and DO more of the things we’re put on the planet to do”. Amen right?

Mitch shared a concept on one particular episode that I LOVE. It is called the 3 Buckets. “The 3 Buckets” are actually a mental filing system for things that come at us in life. Mondays are a perfect opportunity for things to come at us from all kinds of directions.

The 3 Buckets concept actually prompts you to ask yourself three questions as soon as you are tempted to get worried, afraid, frustrated or angry:

1. Can I control it?

2. Can I influence it?

3. Do I need to let it go?

WOW!

We are going to dive into the “3 bucket” concept as the week progresses. But for today, what things do you know you need to file before you even get the day going? What things do you need to reorganize? Meaning, what things do you need to take out of one bucket and put in another one?

So here are a few things I am filing today:

1. My attitude—“Control it Bucket”- Although I may often hate to admit it, I have the power to CHOOSE how I view and respond to my surroundings.

2. My children-“Influence it Bucket”-As much as I would LOVE to make them do everything I tell them to do, they are their own free will beings and can ultimately choose what to do. My job is to influence them to make wise decisions by teaching them God’s truth, providing loving correction with consequences and being an example. Funny how I often put my children’s behavior in the “Control it” bucket. Then, I take my attitude and put it in the “Let It Go” bucket and well…”Let It Go” all over them.

3. Results-“Let it Go Bucket”-This is a doozy but so important for me. I have had a VERY STRESSFUL YEAR and although I exercise regularly and eat a pretty healthy diet, I just can’t seem to get rid of these extra 10 pounds. Most people say they can’t tell but I can. In utter defiance, I have not bought any new pants. I have turned into “Leggings Girl”. Thank God for stretchy fabric and long flowing tops. I cannot control if I ultimately lose weight or not or how long it will take. Sucks I know! So I have to LET IT GO! The results get refiled under let it go and I can focus on what is in the control bucket..my diet, exercise, managing my stress and my attitude.

“It’s God’s job to grow our careers or our families or our home business–if he wishes. It’s his job to orchestrate the details. It’s our job to watch them fall into place and then move when and where he tells us…”-Karen Ehman

Can you think of a few things you need to file in a bucket today?

Want to print out the three buckets to remind yourself this week? Go here.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Happy Monday!

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Last weekend, a friend and I had plans to go to the movies. We each had at least one of our kids with us so we had to see something no more than PG-13. Much to my dismay, the only movie at the theater during the time we could go, was Jupiter Ascending. You can’t possibly know how much my eyes rolled up into my head. I HATE sci-fi, futuristic garbly goop but I ended up learning something amidst the special effects.

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

I wish I could tell you that I walked into the movie theater and simply enjoyed my time with my daughter and my friend. No dice. I grumbled, mumbled, and complained all the way through the previews. When Jupiter Ascending finally started, I pulled my coat up to my neck and got settled in for a nice nap.

In the beginning scenes of the movie, I was acquainted with the main character, Jupiter Jones. Not only did Jupiter have the same last name I was born with, but she woke up everyday dreading the day ahead just like I do ….more often than I would care to admit.

Jupiter was a Russian illegal immigrant who spent her days cleaning rich people’s homes. To tell this story, the filmmakers replicated Jupiter’s everyday life by showing her cutting her alarm clock off at 4:45am, dragging herself to make coffee for her mother, constantly cleaning toilets and then starting the process over again with that darn alarm clock.

Right after hitting the alarm clock to silence it, Jupiter would mumble, “I hate my life”.

Parts of me wanted to awake from my pseudo slumber and yell out..”I feel you Jupiter” but my child would have been so embarrassed and that would not be the whole truth.

I don’t hate my life but I often feel like Jupiter…. trapped by the drudgery of everyday life.

With a plot that was too confusing to even try to explain, (I told y’all I don’t like that sci-fi stuff), Jupiter was being hunted by aliens because she carried a genetic legacy that entitled her own the planet Earth. Luckily, she was befriended by a half human/canine alien warrior named Caine…played by none other than Channing Tatum (I’m awake now)!

Jupiter traveled into space and learned about her new entitlements, but more importantly, she learned about herself. In the middle of all of that, there was an “almost wedding” with a totally fabulous dress:

image credit:usmagazine

When forced to choose, Jupiter sacrificed herself and her family for greater good of Earth. Yet, even after choosing the “right thing”, she still had to fight the villan Balem. Eventually, she was heroically rescued by her hunky alien warrior, Caine. (Well, of course she was!)

Jupiter returned to her old life of cleaning even though she owned Earth. Although she was no longer “trapped” by the drudgery of every day life, she returned to it with a new perspective…appreciation.

The movie Jupiter Ascending was far-fetched, confusing, and most reviewers only gave it 2 stars at best. However, there was a lesson learned from one Jones girl to another. Jupiter Jones reminded Katina Jones Rice to practice gratitude.

Time to dust off my old Gratitude Journal.

How do you practice gratitude?

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

So tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I don’t know about you but my Facebook feed is full of pictures of flowers, candy, balloons and status updates of special date plans. When you have your own flowers, candy and special plans, other people’s pictures are just other people’s pictures.

When you are alone, but really want to be in a relationship , married but things are far from wedded bliss, divorced, or in the no-man zone of separation, other people’s flowers and candy can cause your eyes to roll.

The eyes roll but as you longingly look at every one else’s “seemingly perfect love relationship”, the heart can sink.

Even if it is not a relationship. What about all of those really cute Valentine crafts and baked goods people post on Pinterest?

One quick stroll through social media and if we are not careful, we can begin to compare our selves with others. Not in a I-have-no-life-and-I-am-bitter kind of way but just in a way that softly reminds us…..things are not as we would like.

Sometimes we were ok with ourselves UNTIL we looked at our news feed and then we figured are not as fit, talented, dedicated or loved as someone else.

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick

So, as I chart the new territory of not having a Valentine, I challenge myself and you to enjoy this Valentine’s Day by writing down three things that are going well in our lives and by NOT comparing!

Life went topsy turvy and I lost her. I couldn’t bring myself to scratch out words anywhere, not on my blogs, in a journal, on a random piece of paper or on the inside of gum wrap. No words for my hurt.

No words but plenty of activity: prayer, work, carpool, dance, laundry, chores, errands, soccer, volleyball, piano, Zumba, friend, daughter, Bible Study leader. And so, no time for writing my words only time for getting from one day to the next without any regard for what I REALLY wanted.

As Christians, we are supposed to live a surrendered life right? Die to self. (You’ve heard that before). Well, if that is true, does what I want even matter? Does my hurt even matter? The kiddos aren’t gonna get themselves to school, dinner and practice. Bills still need to be paid so off to work I go… even-though my stomach gets in knots every Sunday afternoon. Life didn’t stop because I had a knife in my heart.

I got tired of talking about it and I felt like other people got tired of hearing about it. Everyone has problems.

“I’m not the first and I won’t be the last. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps. Pray harder”…none of these worked. They made me feel worse.

I spent the last six months of 2014 desperately trying to get over things and be happy. If I just had more faith! Right?

So 2015 came in and I vowed things would be different. I was going to feel better.

January was on its way out and I felt worse. I looked at other dance fitness instructors making things happen in their careers and I shamed myself for not doing more. No energy to do more…..more shame. Other pharmacists on my job LOVE it…what is my problem? More shame.

So I began to plan to do more even though I didn’t have any energy. I had to do more cause my hurt made me feel so low. Surely, if I do more, achieve more, apply for a new job, pray more, start a new ministry…..something.

Over dinner, I shared all my “plans” with a friend. Then she asked me a pressing question. The kind of question only a person with your best interest at heart will ask: “Why do you want to do all that stuff? Do you not think you are enough?”

I didn’t answer her at first. But as I thought about it later, my answer was No.

No because to be completely honest, my heart is broken in two.

No because I sometimes want to get in my car and keep going rather than deal with my teenage daughter.

No because I am a daughter of the King yet my self talk does not reflect my lineage.

As I prayed over the next few days God revealed these truths to me:

Enough is not accomplishment.

Enough has NOTHING to do with being chosen or discarded by people.

Enough is right now…even if right now is hurting, not really feeling it and shame.

Since God’s Spirit lives in me and in you, Enough is on the inside.

Looking and striving for ENOUGH is like looking for my sunglasses and they are right on the top of my head.

Last weekend, I had my dance fitness class do an exercise with a plain white t-shirt where we each wrote our “word theme” for 2015.

I wrote.. I AM ENOUGH on my t-shirt.

For the first time in a very long time, I meant it.

(Enough…even with no earrings or make-up!)

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

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For the last few weeks, I have been writing about my current season of waiting. [When things don’t move like I think they should, I want to QUIT and if I keep going, I whine and ask “Are we there yet?”. ]

Waiting seems like the LONG road “in between” where I am and where I want to be.

My church has been doing a series on waiting. (coincidence??? I think Not!) During the last week of our waiting series, I learned the following truth that brought me so much clarity.

“Waiting on God is not down time. It is not apathy. Waiting on God is active. It is intentionally, hoping trusting, relying, believing on Him to do what only HE can do while we stay faithful with what is in front of us.” Jonathan Robbins

My oh my…..why have I NEVER heard this before? Waiting ALWAYS seems like down time and the people who tell me how “happy they are to be waiting” always seem fake. Type A divas like me can only take so much down time before we take matters into our own hands. (Which pretty much means I mess things up!)

In my quest to be faithful with what is in front of me, I have discovered there is a sweet sauce in the “in betweenness” of waiting and the sauce is unique to each person.

Please know, I do not have it all figured out. However, even with my sloppy waiting dance filled with a couple of really good days of waiting, weeks with fits of anger, pouting, and “doubt-two-stepping I am finding my own “in between sweet sauce”.

Praying friends with listening ears, learning to forgive myself, truth that hurts a little but feels good at the same time, a day of warm sunshine without snow, listening to my daughter play “Take Me to the King” on the piano (just the simple cords on the right hand), dancing with my divas and perspective NEVER TASTED SO SWEET!

Isaiah 30:18So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help.

How are you doing with your waiting dance?

The lady in this clip made me smile HARD! She decided to do a little dancing while she waited on the bus. She had NO idea she was being videoed! The video went viral with close to a million hits on YouTube. The former Performing Arts Major simply dancing on her way to a job that was NOT her passion, was later offered a role in a major theater musical!

When asked about her new found fame, Ms. Coles said:

“I find it hard to believe what happened with the video. It’s like ‘wow, why me?’ I’m just a normal everyday person who happens to like dancing at bus stops. “I have my headphones in every day on the way back from work and I just can’t help myself – I just dance.”

May we all learn to have this much fun while we wait for God to do what only He can do: (Click HERE if you cannot see the video.) (The song is Knock Down by Alesha Dixon)

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Well, it is Sunday night…AGAIN. The clothes are picked out. The lunches are packed. We are blessed.

Still that nagging “I wanna quit” feeling is lurking in the crevices of mind. When I get quiet….those feelings ooze out and get me all distracted. Left un-checked, my “I wanna quit” feelings make me anxious, hopeless, irritable and out of control.

Things are gonna be like this FOREVER! When will this be over? Are we there yet? (In my best 5-year-old whine voice.)

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God…

I huffed and puffed and then audibly asked God….”why does everything require waiting”?

I didn’t get an answer right away, but I decided to at least entertain waiting and not force my own way or quit.

When I felt anxious during the week, I reminded myself that I was waiting on God. Then, I rolled my eyes at myself.

I didn’t quit but I also did not win an Olympic Medal for waiting well.

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I blinked and January was over. I kept meaning to do a January post with my word for the year or my goals. It just didn’t happen. Lord, I need some want-to (the spiritual motivation to make lasting changes).

February is traditionally the month where most folks quit their New Year’s Resolutions. Well divas, it is February and I want to quit EVERYTHING.

I want to raise my white flag, declare a TKO, stick a fork in me and I am done, forfeit the game, say I did but really don’t, pull the covers over my head and roll over in the bed….

I just feel like quitting. Not a morbid kind of quit where I need an intervention from an on call suicide team, but a regular ol’ quit.

You know the “release from all the things clamoring at me to be done” kind of quit.

The kind of quit that makes me no longer responsible.

The kind of quit where I take off my “the-strong-one-who-holds-it-all-together” name tag and all my knick-knacks have been packed up in a box. Then…I get escorted out by security kind of quit.

Have you ever wanted to quit?

If you didn’t quit, what kept you going?

I bet it wasn’t someone telling you “everything is gonna be ok”.

Well, maybe it was for you.

“Everything is gonna be ok” just doesn’t work for me. If anything, it just makes me frustrated. It minimizes how I feel and …how can you be so sure—everything is going to be ok? What is OK anyway?

Wanna know the truth? I can’t quit. I can daydream about how great being a bird and flying away would feel but as a responsible mommy/wife/business owner/employee…quitting is not in the equation.

A couple of weeks ago, I read a devotional that used Psalm 40:1-3 as the focal scripture. It provided me with an answer of what to do when quitting is not an option:

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God…

Now before y’all stop reading ‘cause you think I am going to go all Holy Roller on you, please know….as I read this scripture, my eyes ROLLED so far back in my head they almost got stuck!

As my eyes unrolled, I folded my arms and huffed: “Why, do you always have to wait”? I want resolution NOW! I want to feel better NOW.

My daughters and I watched the Gabby Douglas story this weekend. If you haven’t seen it…. you should. It was so inspiring! I never knew Gabby considered quitting. In the movie, her coach said something that really resonated with me: “You can quit and the way you feel right now will be nothing in comparison to the way you will feel sitting on the couch watching someone else win your medal“.