Category: Achieving Goals

I have probably read hundreds of poems in English classes throughout my young life, but I never thought that much of them. Nowadays they mean so much more to me. This poem is by William Ernest Henley. He was inspired to write this poem after going through a number of hardships in his life. What I get from it is “never ever ever give up; keep moving forward.”

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

When I look for self-help books I want someone who speaks to me with down to earth ideas that I can relate to and implement immediately. I found that in Beyond Positive Thinkingby Dr. Robert Anthony. Here is my review of the book.

Being, Doing, Having
One of the most important nuggets I grabbed from this book was that most of us are confused about what it takes to be satisfied in life.

We believe of having, doing then being, so in other words we think that we have to have money/fame/success/material things first in order to finally be happy.

But if that were the truth, why are there so many unhappy, miserable people who have plenty of stuff?

America is one of the wealthiest countries in the world but is nowhere near the top of the happiness list.

Dr. Anthony instead says that we have to look at satisfaction in a different way: being, then doing and then having.

First you have to BE happy in order to be inspired to do something with your life that will ultimately lead to having everything you want.

Many of us complain about what we don’t have instead of being thankful for what we already do have: shelter, food, clean water, love from a family member or friend.

Our Lives Are Shaped by Our Beliefs Another important point that Dr. Anthony makes in the book is that we act out our lives in accordance with our beliefs about ourselves. In many cases our beliefs about ourselves are formed because of what others have told us about ourselves — and we accepted it.

A young man who has always been told he is “stupid” accepts that characterization of himself and goes on to act out being “stupid” throughout his life. A girl who has always been told she is beautiful (even if she doesn’t meet society’s ideal of that) will live out her life as a beautiful woman as long as she accepts that belief.

So we have to accept better beliefs about ourselves first in order to change the course of our lives for the better.

Unhappiness Comes from Comparison
In the book Dr. Anthony says says that comparison is the root cause of unhappiness. When we constantly compare ourselves to others and think that we’re falling short, we become sad and depressed about our current lives.

I believe that one of the reasons why Americans are so unhappy as a nation is that we are obsessed with celebrity culture. We’re constantly inundated with messages, pictures and stories of people who we believe are doing so much better than us at life. The irony is that most of them are only creating an image for others to look at — they’re just as unhappy.

One More Good Point
Have you ever wondered how two children can grow up in the same home and turn out completely different? Well Dr. Anthony offers a theory that makes a lot of sense.

He says that the difference is due to each child’s interpretation of what is going on in his surroundings throughout his young life. So even in an abusive household one child might grow up and become abusive himself because he interprets that as normal behavior. Another child sees the side of the victim of the abuse, interprets it as wrong behavior and resolves to never put someone through that ever.

They say that behind every successful man is a good woman. If you look at the vast majority of successful men, there is almost always a good woman they’re married to who helped them achieve great things in life. Smart men get married to the right women.

But what about successful women? We don’t always have a good supportive husband or boyfriend to provide the same positive influence in our lives when we want to reach higher heights. Yet and still there are loads of ambitious and successful single women out there. So who or what do we have behind us when we achieve great things? Here are a few possible answers:

A strong belief, faith and commitment to God. When I scan social media the majority of faithful followers who constantly Thank God for supporting them are women. They have no shame in talking about how God took them through a hard time and are often involved in some type of business enterprise. Whether they have a husband behind them or not, these women continue to achieve.

Our hard working mothers. When you see your mother working hard and persevering for countless years, it becomes ingrained in your psyche. Single, successful women almost always have a supportive mother in their corner.

Children as motivators. One of my favorite people in the world Lisa Nichols often speaks about how her son was a major motivation for her to succeed at life and make more money. She is now a millionairess. Children are often a strong support and motivation for single mothers who strive to achieve.

Our real friends. If you have a real friend who cares about you and is there for you even in the hardest times, you have to hold on tight. These friends (our truest girlfriends) stand with us and help us achieve great things. Now I’m not talking about your acquaintances or “party friends” (the ones who only call when they need a partner to party) — I’m talking about the friend who calls you to see how you’re doing “just because” and is the first person to buy/promote what you’re selling when you start a business.

Other woman entrepreneurs. A lot of women think that other women are their enemies due to the way that they are taught from a young age (don’t trust women). But if you get a mentor or join a women’s network of fellow entrepreneurs you may find a much different reality — positive and encouraging women who want nothing more than for another woman to succeed.

Our inner strength and drive. Ever since I was young, I always crunched my nose up at the idea that women were “the weaker sex.” We may not be as physically strong as men, but I believe that we are stronger in the ways that really matter. We dig deep to do the things that no one wants to do, like raise kids alone, care for our family members in need (it’s estimated that up to 75 percent of caregivers are women), juggle multiple tasks and remain resilient even in the face of adversity. Even if a woman doesn’t have anyone in her corner, she can call on this inner strength and drive to keep doing whatever’s necessary to succeed in life.

While having a life partner in your corner to help support you in your dreams is awesome, it’s not necessary for you to be successful. As women we may not always have a strong man behind us to help us succeed, but we do have other sources to tap into for support and encouragement.

In my book Survive, Live or Thrive I talk about limiting beliefs and how they are the culprits behind why we did not succeed or achieve what we want to in life.

Limiting beliefs are planted in our minds by cultural influences, the media and the people in our lives who say that they love us. These beliefs, that you accept for yourself, BECOME YOUR LIFE. Stuff doesn’t just happen to you — you are a willing participant, whether it’s good or bad. Your thoughts and beliefs affect the decisions you make, the steps you take and what you accept from others.

Bottomline, if you aren’t pleased with the way your life is going it is because you have allowed limiting beliefs to infiltrate your life for way too long.

Here is a list of common limiting beliefs that plaque women. Raise your hand if you can relate to one or more:

– I’m not smart enough to start my own business or get a better job
– I can never get healthy because bad health runs in my family
– I’m not pretty enough to deserve a good man
– I can’t find anyone better so I have to stay in this toxic relationship
– no man would ever want me as his girlfriend, all that I’m good for is sex and being a FWB
– I can never get anywhere in life because of my race or color
– My hair isn’t long enough, straight enough, blond enough, perfect enough, etc to be considered beautiful
– I’ve already lived the best days of my life, it’s all down hill from here
– I’m too old to start over
– I’m too young to be successful and make money
– I don’t deserve respect from the world (walk all over me)
– I didn’t have a father / mother in my life so I’m worthless and not meant to have a good life
– I was born poor so I’ll probably die poor (only chance is winning the lottery)
– God / the Universe is against me, so good things can’t happen to me
– I’m unlucky; all I have is bad luck
– I’m destined to fail, why even try? Why am I even here?

The list goes on and on doesn’t it? Our brains can be like toxic waste dumps.

What I’d like you to do starting today is to slowly replace some of these limiting beliefs (the messages that you’re repeating to yourself every day) with empowering thoughts and beliefs. Here are a few examples:

– the way I look and act is unique and special
– God made me, and He doesn’t make any mistakes, so I must be beautiful
– I’m alive and kicking, so I am still important to this world and have a purpose here
– I love and am loved, therefore I am a divine and significant part of this universe
– someone else’s opinion of me doesn’t have to become my reality
– I matter and I deserve respect; anyone who doesn’t agree doesn’t deserve to be in my life
– I deserve and am worthy of love overflowing
– Good things and people are attracted to me all the time — good things happening to me are the NORM

Even if you don’t fully believe these statements yet, there is POWER in saying them. Say them no matter how low you feel, no matter how bad you feel your day is going. Watch how things start to suddenly change after a week, two weeks, a month as you replace those limiting beliefs and thoughts with empowering ones.

I promise you love, no one can change your life but you — not a man, not a family member, not a friend… it’s all about YOU.

We all have that one person in our lives who always seems to be wrapped up in drama right? The “drama queen or king.” They think that the world is out to get them, but refuse to take ownership of the part that they are playing in the drama.

Many people fail to see how they are drawing negative people, experiences and situations into their lives by their own words, thoughts and actions.

For example, when you have low self-esteem you draw other low self-esteem people around you OR people who want to take advantage of you at your low point.

When you believe that everyone is out to get you and you’re always ready for a fight, you’re eventually going to get exactly what you’re asking for.

Constantly talking about lack, being broke and penny pinching draws more money struggles into your life.

Even something as simple as the types of songs you feed your mind daily can attract things or people to you. Listening to lyrics that constantly degrade women could draw people into your life who are disrespectful to women.

Take a close look at your life right now. Think about how you might be attracting good or bad things into your day to day reality?

An Example from My Life
Not very long ago I was feeling as if no one in the world, cared, needed or loved me. I would sit at Starbucks, dinner by myself, or just in my home alone feeling invisible. Feeling sorry for myself.

Today everything is so different — in a good way. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the attention and love I receive from the world. I am in high demand with the people in my life, to the point where I feel as if I have to give them a number and schedule an appointment for them !

There are so many things that changed, but the main answer is that I changed my mindset and the way that I choose to interact with the world.

I’m no longer angry and combative and feeling sorry for myself. I have taken full responsibility for my life and my choices and it really feels great.

I feel confident and happy. I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I don’t focus on petty things. I replace the urge to worry with positive thoughts of the best resolution to the issue.

And I have come to the realization that I was the one who was attracting all of that bad and sad stuff into my life, unconsciously.

We Are Constantly Creating Our Lives
This is a simple law of the universe that many of us don’t realize is happening every day in every way.

We are the ones who create our world. We unconsciously draw things into our lives by the way we talk, the way we feel, the way we think and the people we spend most of our time with. We are in charge of the creation process.

So if you want a better life, if you don’t like where you live, if you don’t like the people you’re around or you don’t like the way your bank account is set up, start creating a new life. Change it. Only you have the power to do that — you can’t sit around waiting for someone to swoop in and change your life for you.

Change the way you think, talk and interact with the world, starting today. Decide what you want and once you have that in mind, everything you say, think about and do should be about that goal.

Start today. Start right now. Stay strong, stay positive and continue educating yourself on how to get to exactly where you want to be.

A lot of us go through life, going through the motions. We wait for the day that someone will show up and vindicate us for all the hard work we’ve done. We wait for the day when someone will recognize us for the struggle we’ve gone through.

We hope for that “one day”… someone (maybe Jesus, maybe a boyfriend, maybe a woman friend) will come into our lives and say “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that” or “You are a saint for what you’ve tolerated.”

And this very well may happen some day. But the longer you wait for it to happen, the more and more resentment and anger builds up.

So instead of waiting for that one day, why not make it happen today? You don’t have to wait for *another person* to let you off the hook. Let YOURSELF off of the hook. Tell your own self those things that you so desperately want to hear:

– you are so special
– you are amazing for what you do
– you are so hard working
– God is so proud of you

Whatever it may be.

Start living for YOU today.

One Day I Will… When…
There is another kind of “One Day” some of us secretly hold in mind. The one that says:

One day I will ___(fill in the blank)___ when I __(fill in the blank)___

– One day I will get a better job when I get my degree

– One day I will go to the spa when I get vacation time

– One day I will start my own business when my credit gets better

– One day I will move when I save enough money

This phrase is often an excuse to delay action today. Talk is cheap — action matters.

So if you really want to make those things happen, what can you do TODAY to make them more of a reality?

– Instead of waiting for your degree for a better job, start researching better paying jobs that you may be qualified for. You may find that you can make a lot more money RIGHT NOW doing something that you’re already skilled at.

– Instead of waiting for time off to act on going to the spa, make an appointment RIGHT NOW — even if it’s a couple of weeks from now. If cash-flow is an issue at the moment, you now have a clear goal in mind to save up $50 or so for a good massage and facial!

– If you want to start a business, you don’t need perfect credit to do so. You may need good credit to get financing, but there’s nothing stopping you from getting started on a business plan TODAY.

– If your ultimate goal is to move, do you have a clear idea in your mind of WHERE you want to move? Do you know exactly how much it would cost to do that? Even if you don’t have enough cash for the deposit or moving costs, you can take steps RIGHT NOW to get things rolling in that direction.

Let’s stop using that phrase “One Day” and start embracing the idea that there are actions and steps we can take TODAY to achieve our goals and get satisfaction out of life.

Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.

Are you living your life the way you want to live it, or the way you’ve been told or taught you have to live it?

There’s a good chance that you are where you are right now in life because you have allowed the opinions, thoughts, actions and words of other people to pigeonhole you into a certain station in life.

We create and form our reality. What we accept for ourselves is what we get.

Someone, maybe a parent, sibling or peer, insulted you throughout your younger years. Eventually you started to believe that characterization of who you are.

A mean, miserable teacher told you that the only job you would be good at is working at a grocery store. So instead of pursuing a job or career in the field of your choice you continue to work in retail stores. (In fact, schools often shape our futures by forcing us to choose a major without giving us proper counseling about this major life decision.)

Your friends taught you that drinking and getting drop down drunk every weekend or taking drugs is normal, so that’s what you continue to do week after week.

You were told since a young child that getting married and having babies is crucial to being a happy normal woman. But here’s a newsflash: a lot of married women with kids are absolutely miserable! Some young women may be happier if they follow a different path early on before settling down.

Someone may have told you that your skin color wasn’t the “right” shade, or that you weren’t attractive enough, or that you’re not the right size, so you believed those things and took a certain path in life based on that information.

Words can be powerful. Accepting a negative affirmation into your reality is almost like taking a spoonful of slow acting poison that breaks down your life force little by little every day. Accepting the opinions and beliefs of others into your reality can cause low self-esteem, which causes you to live a less fulfilling life. Low self esteem prevents you from dreaming big.

How can we ever manage to live a life that makes us happy if we’re living our lives based on what other people want or see for us?

What do YOU really want for your life? What do YOU see for yourself? Where do YOU want to be? Who do YOU want to share your life with?

If you’re not happy with the way your life has been going, start answering these questions.

Then start envisioning the answers manifesting in your life.

Then start living your life the way it was meant to be lived!

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

I finally had a chance to watch The Other Shore: The Diana Nyad Story documentary. She is the lady who planned a swim from Cuba to Florida. This documentary was a perfect example of how the negative people around you can hold you back from accomplishing things in life.

Diana’s partner was negative about her swim from start to finish. She told Diana she couldn’t do it before, during and after her historic attempts to swim from Cuba to Florida.

In some cases people will discourage you because of their own personal fears.

In other cases it’s jealousy and insecurity because they don’t have the guts to accomplish anything real in life.

In the case of the documentary I watched about the Diana Nyad story, I believe her partner was just really frightened about losing her loved one. And that is understandable.

But regardless of her motivations, it’s still a problem when you have a demotivating person in your life who is constantly telling you that you can’t do something.

They can’t see what you see — all that they can see is the circumstances right in front of them. They can’t dream like you — yet.

Sometimes that negative person’s will and energy is so strong that they can interrupt, intercept or delay your goals. In Diana’s case, what she needed was a BOOST when she hit those milestones. All that she got was fear, doubt and negativity from her peers.

Diana Nyad’s case was extreme because her life was in danger for her dreams. But for most of us, our dreams are attainable without having to risk our lives. Yet some of us still don’t take the chance because we have negative people around us telling us that we can’t. We’re scared of social disapproval and people saying “I told you so.” We care too much about the opinions of other people when it comes to our dreams and goals.

So who do you have in YOUR life that is holding you back from your ultimate accomplishment? You may find that removing that voice from your life might be the one way to open a road toward meeting or achieving your long time goal — and it could happen more quickly than you ever imagined.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.