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Saturday, February 22, 2014

Drug Testing Pool (not fun like 'Swimming Pool')

My first contact with USADA (U.S.
Anti-Doping Agency) happened the day before the World Championship in the
Netherlands. David and I were in the team hotel business lounge reading. I was
quaking with fear because I had just been locked into the hotel restroom (which
had three access doors to pass through until you were in the inner sanctum of
it—for the most heroic level of bathroom seclusion I have ever encountered; it
was like Narnia.)

In any case, the innermost door got
jammed. Ultrarunners aren’t known for their excessive corpulence, so I couldn’t
exactly thrust it open. My best bet would be to use my endurance to widdle the
door down with my body over time by repeatedly running at it, and that could
take years. So there I was, safe inside of the triple-door Narnia bathroom
where no one could hear my screams. I did scream.

I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but
somehow my underdeveloped noodle arms did get the door open. I thank God for
that.

I ran out of the restroom shaking and
alive, like I had just been given a second chance at life and this would be my
renaissance (my run-aissance). That was when the USADA woman started calling my
name and said I needed to come with her for a pre-competition drug test. I
asked her if I could bring my book and my husband. The four of us (USADA agent,
me, husband, and book) piled into a tiny car and headed to the drug-testing
area.

I honestly didn’t mind the drug-testing
because I found it to be of some sociological interest, except for the fact that
they took a bit of my blood, and I was counting on using it in the race the
next day.

Parade in matching outfits (basically my dream come true)

The following day was the Championship.
Nearing the end of the 24-hour, I pushed as hard as I could until the horn
sounded, completely oblivious to everything that was happening around me. I turned around and realized a woman had been following me on her
bicycle. As I sat down, she approached me and told me I would again have to go
for a performance-enhancement drug test. I always love a good test. (This is a
nerd problem.) I went. I was unenhanced.

Drug
Testing Pool (not fun like ‘Swimming Pool’)

I thought all of this was behind me after
that day, but every year, USADA selects a batch of athletes to include in the
International Testing Pool. These athletes have to record their whereabouts on
a weekly basis, including a 60-minute daily time frame when they will
periodically be tested for steroids and other performance-enhancers. It keeps
the sport honest. Ostensibly, the top-performing athletes are more likely to be
taking drugs because they are standing out in some significant way, so this is
a good thing. I personally don’t want to race against people who are
physiological cheaters.

Hypothetically, though: It doesn’t really
matter if you barely have the fortitude to open a bathroom door.

I just wish there were a second testing option:
I could either 1) take a blood test, or 2) show them how bad I am at pushups.

A Discourse on
Drugs

No.

I don’t even like alcohol. My second
grade teacher’s name was Mrs. Beer. I thought beer was a curse word, so I
called her Mrs. Bear all year long. These days, I'm no better. Every Sunday at church, I receive holy communion, and when I drink the wine, my face involuntarily scrunches up because I hate the taste. The pastor must think I'm the loveliest girl, always making faces at a holy sacrament. I even wrote a term paper at Yale on the negative ramifications of performance enhancers on human dignity concerns in sport. I have philosophical qualms. So really, this is a poetic injustice in my
life.

But here we go. I’m not sure what this
will be like. The best part about running is being free and challenging myself
to try difficult, unexpected things. And I like prepositional running (before things, between things, after
things; fitting in running when I can), so my locations are a bit
unpredictable. I don’t like the idea of having to report my whereabouts. Also, I am
pretty sure girls are supposed to be mysterious like Jane Eyre, and now I’m
always on the map. Alas, I can never be whimsical and elusive.

In other news, I'm training a lot. I rarely
talk about it on my blog because it is probably assumed. Since RR50, I’ve been
including more pace runs, core work, and plyometrics, and I feel stronger and
more consistent than I have in a while. It’s exciting. Track season has also started
up again! It is a joyful thing to be reunited with my runners. Here we go,
Falcons.

You are the only blog I read where I often need to look up words in the dictionary, yet your style is simple and funny. You are a role model and I hope to meet you one day at a race to tell you so in person.

You may think your day to day life is routine (it's hardly routine) or perhaps you don't. Anyway what I'd trying to say is that I (and I'm sure all the people who enjoy your writing) would like to see more frequent blog entries.....would daily entries be too much to ask? OK, how about several times a week?. Regardless, I enjoy your blogging and following your running/teaching/coaching life.

Contributors

Let my lifesong sing to You.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24