Monday, September 12, 2005

I’m gonna write this once, because it’s likely going to be the first and only time I’ll get to say this for the next 360 days.

The 49ers are in first place of the NFC West!

I’ve told most people about my modest expectations for the Niners this year (6-10 if Rattay takes the bulk of the snaps, 4-12 if Alex Smith does), and I didn’t really see anything to dissuade me from those numbers. Rattay was efficiently mediocre, reminding me more of Elvis Grbac than Joe Montana. The running game was pathetic, but the defense was stout. Holding the Rams to field goals in the first half on multiple drives was key to the win. Bryant Young and Julian Peterson showed some of the benefits of having Mike Singletary as a coach, and the rest of the team showed heart and perseverance that wasn’t there in the Erickson years.

But one thing was clear. Mike Martz has NFI how to coach during a game. His on-field decisions were universally horrendous, and his clock management was non-existent. For those that didn’t get to see the game (99% of the country missed this banner matchup), Martz’ first bad decision came at 0:01 of the first quarter. That’s right, he fucked up a decision ONE second into the game. Joe Nedney kicked off, a weak squibby kicked that bounced around the 15 and kicked towards the pylon. Some rookie schlub picked it up one step away from the pylon, and promptly took that one step straight onto the sideline one yard from the endzone. I saw it from home, the 7th team broadcast pairing saw it, 60,000 drunken Candlestickians saw it, and the referees saw it and immediately blew the whistle and marked the ball on the one. Martz challenged the call, claiming that the returner bobbled the ball and it was headed out of bounds, ignoring the fact that the rule says if the receiver provides the impetus (say, by fumbling it or bobbling it towards the sideline) for the ball to go out of bounds, it’s marked out at the spot. So he throws the replay flag. ONE fucking second into the game. And loses the challenge due to what might be termed “flagrant video evidence” or just plain stupidity. So the Rams begin the first half of their first game with one less timeout than every other freakin’ team. Martz alone might be enough to prevent a talented Rams team from making the playoffs.

Other NFL observations from week one:

· Is Miami actually good? Or is Denver that bad? I’m guessing the latter.

· Brett Favre 2005, I’d like you to meet Willie Mays 1973.

· Tops on every single FFL most-added list – Willie Parker

· Note to Daunte and Chad, call Lester Hayes and ask for his stick-um sales rep.

· I think the Arizona bandwagon just hit a big pothole. Time to bail. You too Chicago.

· Patrick Ramsey, next time a guy swings a forearm at your neck, you might want to duck. On the bright side, it did get Fred “The Hammer” Williamson a mention on Sportscenter.

· Won a tiny bit at a home game this weekend. Playing limit poker with rich guys is no way to make money. Especially when you get sucked out time after time after time. Yeah, I know, if they call me with the worst hand, I will win in the long run. Well, I haven’t seen the goddamn long run in a long, long time. My top two pair got rivered by a gutshot because the guy was actually getting pot odds to call, not that he even knew what pot odds were. Flopped a set, raised every chance, and got runner-runnered by a flush. Ridiculous. But still fun. From a poker standpoint, it was horrible. From a hanging-out-with-the-guys-and-laughing-my-ass-off standpoint, it was great.

· Bubbled out in an 18-seater at RiverStars. Do you remember in last year’s WSOP when Dan Harrington called an all-in with the worst hand and sucked out on Raymer? He said “I knew it, I knew I was beat, but I called because the worse hands are winning”. I’m gonna hafta try that. I’ve been getting my money in as anywhere from a 55-45 shot to a 86-14 shot, and losing. Every. Fricking. Time.

· I’m so proud. My ten-year old daughter saw me lose a big hand with AK vs. QQ when my flopped King lost to a river Queen and said “Dad, that sucks when you get rivered”.