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14. July 2015

IN LAS VEGAS, SCOTT WALKER WISHES HE WERE AT THE PENTAGON INSTEAD

LAS VEGAS — Making the first stop in his presidential campaign today here in gamblers' paradise, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker told a crowd of sleepy gamblers, “I’m only here because my scheduler
said I had to be here. I’d rather be in the Pentagon at the controls of our war machine to launch nukes at Tehran.” A solitary reporter stood at the edge of the crowd.

Walker made his long-awaited announcement yesterday at the Waukesha County Fairgrounds, near Milwaukee. Walker, the son of a Baptist preacher, withstood Democratic challenges to his dictatorial
rule not once but three times. He intends to be elected president based on his evangelical triumphalism and antiunion animus, and, in his announcement, he made it clear that if he is elected
president, he will scrap the agreement reached yesterday between Secretary of State John Kerry and Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammed Javad Zarif. That agreement would eventually end economic and
financial sanctions against Iran in return for Iran’s agreement to be nice.

The solitary reporter, and our associate solitary reporter, Lewis Thompson, were immediately reminded of the 1964 classic black comedy film, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying
and Love the Bomb. The plot line of that movie concerns an unhinged US Air Force General who orders a first strike nuclear attack on the Soviet Union. Peter Sellers plays Air Force Group
Captain Lionel Mandrake, President Merkin Muffley, and Dr. Strangelove, a wheelchair-bound nuclear war expert and former Nazi.

When Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman General Martin Dempsey was notified by Thompson of Walker’s intention to take over the Pentagon, he called President Obama, who ordered the FBI to follow
Walker around wherever he goes.