abalk2

So the David Sedaris takedown piece that we've waited so long for has finally arrived, courtesy of the folks at The New Republic. Unfortunately, the takedown has nothing to do with the fact that Sedaris is essentially the Dave Barry for the NPR set. Instead, it focuses on the fact that—wait for it—some of Sedaris' obvious bullshit is, uh, bullshit. For those of you who don't have a subscription, here's what TNR (who know from fake writers) has discovered about America's Greatest Middlebrow Humorist.

David Sedaris exaggerated his experiences working at a North Carolina mental hospital in 1970. In fact, a few humorous stories he tells never even happened.

David Sedaris' midget guitar teacher was not, in fact, a homophobe, and was actually a pretty darn good teacher.

David Sedaris was not put in speech therapy because he was gay; he was put there because he had a lisp.

Some hicks may have been more sophisticated then Sedaris gives them credit for.

David Sedaris' mom was not a full-time alcoholic bitch; at some points she was a decent, kind mother. Also, his father is not as grouchy as he has been portrayed.

David Sedaris is not actually gay. He lives with his wife and three children in Rochester, Minnesota, where he coaches Little League and is a deacon in his church.

Okay, the last one we made up, but, let's be honest, that's the only thing that would really merit an article of this length. Author Alex Heard's larger point is that Sedaris shouldn't go around calling his work "nonfiction" when there are so many people who believe every word he writes to be the gospel, but, uh, we think we're probably all better off if the people who read Sedaris and believe him aren't disabused of their stereotypical notions about gays, Greeks, and Georgians. After all, if they knew the truth, who would be left to buy Patty Griffin records or vote for Hillary?