Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Yesterday (Tuesday) was the 12th anniversary of my oldest daughter's passing. It never gets any easier. OK, once I got passed the initial grief & found a plateau where I could continue my own life I will say it never got any easier after that. Occasionally I get little hellos from heaven.

We have buried two daughters.

Cheyenne was the oldest, and the first to go. Because she lived long enough to develop language skills we know much more about her & are now able to continue recognizing her presence. Emily, passing at only 18 months old is a bit more of a challenge to recognize now, but we do.

SO, here is the Tulip story: I hurried home from work, grabbed a basket to put flowers in for the grave, & thought Tulips would look really pretty in it. We got to the store, and as I entered the floral department a total stranger, another woman with a child at her side, stopped me & said "Those tulips over there are only $1.50 a bunch." I silently gasped as I expressed my gratitude & gave a smile.

Then she said "I don't know why I just told you that except you looked like you were looking for something special". Yes, I was....tulips! I grabbed a bunch in every color, for my rainbow.

When we arrived at the cemetery my parents were there waiting for us. My mom, who traditionally gets me a potted orchid on these days, showed up with a bucket (& I mean a huge bucket) full of TULIPS! She said "I don't know why, I just thought I needed to get tulips this time."

I filled a basket, & had enough to take home & enjoy.

It does not matter what your faith is, as long as you have a faith. That is my belief. Faith in God gets you through these times. Knowing my girls are still out there, waiting for me, is what fills my days and allows me to continue. God is visible in every way imaginable. God's presence is felt in our hearts where we see with our souls.

I know Cheyenne was saying "I am here. I see your pain. I have not left you. I will always love you." I know this because she made sure I got my tulips.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

This week's prompt over at Bliss & Folly, for the Focus 52 project, is VARIETY. Since I always blog about my personal daily wonders & occasionally post peeks of my client sessions, I thought a great way to explore the variety of my creative surges would be to do a post about my scrapbooking.

I started scrapbooking when my oldest daughter passed. It was very helpful in the grief healing process, and it helped me to celebrate & share her life. No, those pages are not posted here. I never photographed them it was a long time ago, though seems like yesterday.

I continued through my second daughter's life, and the scrapbooks for her were displayed at her funeral. This allowed me to share those sweet little moments with people who otherwise would never have known what a sweet & funny little girl she was. No, those pages are not posted either. I do have them photographed, but not saved on this computer. Sorry.

Now I get to scrapbook my son. He will live to be a ripe old wise man...if I have anything to do with it! His books are for everyone to watch him grow into the man we all hope to see our boys become.

I even throw in some smaller projects about my own life, my travels, my wonderful husband, my passions, & whatever else I feel inspired to document for memory and archiving.

Did I mention it's also a great way to show off my favorite photos?????

D2 got his first ever set of real homework sent home with him. He's only 4! OK, almost 5. I was so proud of myself for making him sit at the breakfast table & finish his homework before he could go out to play with his friends. I have to admit, it was not to difficult. He enjoyed doing something that required my involvement. Between moments of guiding him through the work I shot a few pictures. I was just beginning to think he actually liked doing the three worksheets of writing and math but then as soon as his pencil left the paper for the last time he was out of his chair racing to the door & outside to play with his friends. I wonder if he even remembers what he did. Of course he does. He's getting older...and so am I!

And now...the explanation for the pink Barbie car...it belongs to the neighbors little girl. He could not care less what it looks like. It's a car that goes. That's all he requires. So I guess real men DO wear pink!