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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

Those salaries are for running one of the most inept franchises in football. The Bengals have had one winning season in Brown's 18 years of running the club. On the other hand, Rooney has made $2.2 million over the past year and a half, which became public when he accepted the ambassador post to Ireland. To break that into a yearly salary it's $1.5 million. He will get a little less than $1 million as severance as he heads overseas.

It's hard not to feel for Bengals' fans. They're stuck with an owner much more concerned with cashing checks and running a jobs program for his family than with winning football games. There are other Rooneys who work in the Steelers front office as well (Art Rooney II and Art Rooney Jr. both work on the staff), but the team's football operations are run by Kevin Colbert and contracts are negotiated by Omar Kahn. With the Bengals, most decisions are kept all in the family.

I know this will be shocking information to many of you. Our Mike Brown, more concerned about money than having a competent staff around him? No! And Dan Rooney, that rapscallion, doesn't make nearly as much? It must be a lie!