Monday, November 26, 2007

Dark

A week and half ago we went for our first ultrasound, as part of an 'integrated prenatal screening' to gauge the odds of genetic abnormalities in this pregnancy. In our baby. The ultrasound technician - and, later, the clinic doctor, who examined me closely because of something suspicious that was spotted in my ovaries (another story for another day) - said that everything looked fine. There were still blood tests to do, but they all sounded positive, and we got a lovely picture of a very baby-like fetus that I immediately called Sprout.

But now there's some doubt that everything's fine, and I'm losing my mind a little bit.

First thing this morning, my doctor's office called with a summons. Please come in first thing tomorrow, Dr. NiceLady would like to see you. ~Why? I'm seeing her in a few days.~ Yes, but she'd like to see you tomorrow morning.

An innocuous conversation, but then again, no conversation with your doctor when you're pregnant is innocuous. I have a scheduled prenatal appointment in a few days, at which time we were going to discuss the results of the IPS. The only reason that I can think of that she would need to speak with me, in person, immediately, is if something's wrong, so wrong that it can't wait a few days. So wrong that we need to discuss it, deal it with it, now.

Oh, god.

Husband has a phone call into the nurse to see if we can get more information before tomorrow. Something, anything, to stop panic, or something to let me know that it's okay to panic. Maybe it's better to not know for 24 hours?

No. I don't want to panic. I don't want to be scared. I want everything to be okay. But hovering somewhere in the dark spaces between should I be scared? and be scared and ohgodit'sbad is killing me, it's putting so much pressure on my heart that I'll think it'll burst.

Please, fingers crossed for me?

Update: Spoke with nurse. It indeed concerns test results, but doctor not in today and nurse can't discuss with me. Understood my fear - made worse by conversation with her - and asked me to do my very best to relax between now and tomorrow morning. Fuck relax. Will be crying all day, clinging to desperate hope that doctor is just being super-anal about getting results to me quickly. Desperate, desperate hope.

109 Comments:

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Don't doctors and nurses realize what a panic any kind of message like this causes? I have had messages like this only to find out it was something trivial meanwhile I had spent the entire time practically in tears.

I hope (and hope some more) that is nothing serious for you or Sprout.

Maybe... your doctor just has an unavoidable something that came up on the day of your appointment? Another patient has to have a c-section or induction? So they just want to see you earlier rather than later?

There was some question about my baby's kidneys in second pregancy. I was sent for an ultrasound to get a better look. My OB's nurse left a message at 5pm (as the office was closing) to call the Doctor first thing. I cried all night long & called the office first thing the next morning to have the doctor tell me that I needed iron supplements, and oh yeah the baby's kidneys were fine. I told the nurse that for the record, needing iron supplements was a message that she should feel free to leave on someone's voice mail.

this happened to me, and it turned out to be a concern with me, not baby, due to scarring from previous trauma. Though its hard not to be a total wreck, please do not assume the worst! You four will be in my prayers!!

oh catherine my prayers are with you.don't those stupid docs know how much pregnant women worry when they do shite like that.just chant it like a mantra everyhtings fine everyhthings fine...will be anxiously awaiting your next post.god bless and try not to worry yourself sick about this and tell your hubby to kick someones arse tomorrow...hugs to you.LAVANDULA

oye WHY do they do this? WHY???? Deep breath... why do they always do this when Xanax isn't even in the realm of possibility?

I'm thinking wonderful fuzzy and warm thoughts for you. I'm hoping they just want you to get a repeat ultrasound and maybe youve got something going on like a placenta previa. the first time I had a previa you would have thought they discovered a horse in my womb instead of baby. They were all OH NOES!! OH NOES!! and I was breathing into a bag panicking until i found out it was just a previa.

nothing i can say will make this any easier, but i do know lots of test they do can give false info. thoughts and prayers are with you. if nothing else know that there is a whole community of people holding your hand, if only online.

Catherine, you are in my thoughts. I understand your fear -- I got a very similar phone call while I was pregnant with Oliver. Red flags had come up as a result of his ultra sound, there were possible serious complications...I was terrified. I'm reaching my hand out to hold yours, in the hopes that some of your fear will dissipate.

we three across the street are crossing everything for you that this turns out to be a case of "very anal doctor", and if it is, you should give her a piece of your mind...you know, the piece that you aren't losing right now with worry.

it is annoying that they have people who can't tell you anything, make the call. remember the words of the clinic doctor - everything looked fine.

My heart is full of hope that its something minor and the Dr. Nicelady is CHAing (covering her ass). When my brother-in-law was in Emergency after a very bad accident, the doc's kept giving us the worst case scenerio (paralysis, cutting limbs off, death..). He ended up being fine, just a few broken bones. I think they operate on giving the Worst Case so that if it happens they can say they warned you. I pray that its the same for you.

Thinking of you and Sprout and visualizing how you'll be able to feel very good about your self-control when you serenely avoid slapping your doctor silly tomorrow after finding out that she caused you all this panic for nothing.

Ok - - anything really dangerous would not be postponed til tomorrow. It would be discussed with you NOW, with another doctor, whatever was needed. Oh HBM, I am so with you. I am so sending love and peace. There is nothing worse than waiting, that vile purgatory of mental torture. You have an army of angels. See them. Know them, and ask for help. We love you.

Catherine - I am so very sorry. This sucks and really waiting in dread is so crushing to a mother. I am hoping for you and waiting with you - on this other side of the internet - still I hope this is better than waiting completely alone.

I have no doubt you and your family will rise above every obstacle- be it silly nurses causing panic for no reason or anything else. My thoughts are with you. And while nurses aren't allowed to tell you why you're being called in or the doctor doesn't tell them, in most cases I can tell you that it's something trivial- the doctor doesn't have bad news but wants more time to talk with you and your original appointment was at a bad time or that maybe they lost the test results and you do need another test and he just wants to get it over with this week and so moving up your appointment helps. Be as strong as you can.

Everything is crossed for you here (save legs cause we're trying to get "in the family way" in the 'shwa). Don't doctors have pagers for these sorts of situations? Totally not fair to spring it on you.

Oh, good god, that nurse sucks. Delurking to say I had the same phone call, and the same panic, after the same blood test. It turned out to be elevated AFP levels, with much hand-flapping about spina bifida, etc. But babe turned out fine. Very much hoping the same for you....

Adding my own Go Sprout Go! cheer to the mix and a whopping dose of hand holding for you. I went through a scare at about 16 weeks myself that turned out to be a miscalculation of my gestation. A new due date was all that was required. Here's to hoping it's something as innocuous and the fear you feel will be replaced by flooding relief. Thinking of you, Mama.

Lots of good thoughts and prayers are sent your way C. I'm hoping that this is only a case of a doctor being overly cautious. Shame on them though for calling you and then having you wait what is an eternity to you but nothing to them. That irks me. Nevertheless lots of prayers are being said.

It's probably nothing, because if it was truly something SOMETHING, they would call you to come in immediately, not wait until the next day. I've been through the hubba-hubba-get-all-freaked-out thing more than once, and every damn time it was nothing. I'm praying that you have the same results.

I had one of these a month ago. Nurse called home first, agitated my ill father-in-law by telling him that I had to call the doctor's office ASAP, very important regarding recent test results. Then called me at work, got me all wound up too.

Turned out my serum screening urine sample wasn't viable by the time the collection clinic got it to the lab, and I had to go pee in a cup again.

Nurses (and doctor's office receptionists) can sometimes be thoughtlessly cruel because they are trying to be businesslike. I hope this turns out to be nothing serious. Good luck.

There are soooo many innocuous things it could be besides bad news. And even if there is an indication of something, remember that this test is NOT diagnostic. It's more of a risk assessment. The amnio (if you choose to have one) is what is diagnostic.

OH GOD. How scary - but I've had that same phonecall twice in my three pregnancies and each time, had a healthy baby. So it could very well be nothing that's very serious. But yes, it's a scary phonecall to get.

I have been there. It was horrible. And unfair, and scary, and painful.

Twice, actually. The first time did not have a happy ending. The second time ended up being a horrible, cruel, unnecessary false alarm, and the evidence of that baby's perfection is driving Matchbox cars on my foot right now.

I wish for you a false alarm, and the strength not to beat the doctor (and nurse) over the head with an examining table.

Your post resonated with me because when I was pregnant with my daughter I called her Sprout AND because I got the same terrifying phone call, the same questionable tests. Also strangely at the time--early December so I was grim and withdrawn while the whole world seemed to be merry and bright. Ultimately I had to get an amnio to rule out problems and then wait 2 excruciating weeks for the results. I thought I would die from fear, from lack of sleep and not being able to eat. It was by far the worst 2 weeks of my life. In the end the amnio showed everything was FINE. My baby was healthy and normal and is now an amazing toddler. I wish you the same results!

Oh, brother...I thought they taught against this kind of thing in doctor school.

I had a doctor do this to me once and it was because she needed to change an appointment. What an idiot.

If it's the blood test, just know that I can count on both hands and both feet the number of people who had positive results leaning in some direction which later turned out to be false positives because dates were screwy or because they were old fogey moms, etc.

Anyway...I am willing tomorrow morning to be here. All will be well. All will be well. In ten years, you can ground Sprout for scaring the heck out of you.

I think that is a very nasty thing to do to a pregnant lady. From a screen they don't know anything for sure. Don't freak out. You screen positive at 1 in 200. Get the amnio if you are worried. Seriously it is not a big deal.

I was thinking about this last night - if your test was more than a week ago and the doctor is just calling now then it may not be a huge thing.I hope that's the case.When my doctor called me back about the IPS results I was terrified - and literally hopped in a cab and begged to see her.I had low iron and was told to eat red meat. Seriously. (thankfully they didn't check my blood pressure)

I don't know what to say because nothing will calm your nerves until you are at the doctor's office. Please know that I'm praying everything is well and that your doctor is just exaggerating and that nothing is wrong.

Fingers crossed. Just try to remember that the screening tests are all about odds. False positives are common, especially when you're, um... a bit older like we are.

With my first pregnancy, my screen came back with a 1 in 31 chance of Down's Sydrome. I had an amnio. Everything was fine. But they have to talk to you quickly to give you the greatest number of options for further testing.

I know what you are feeling... I had 2 days of bleeding recently and the doctor has no idea why, the heartbeat was fine and he says everything "looks" normal. He said if there is anything wrong they will catch it at my u/s ON TH 31ST!!

I will be anxious and holding my breath evertime I use the bathroom until then, panicing the bleeding may return... so far, so good, but that is little to calm my fears.

I hate when they tell you to come in the next day, with no explanation. That has to go against some kind of medical ethics code. If it's that important, they should be able to give you more information about what's going on to require you to come in.

I said a prayer for you just now. I pray everything will be fine, if not, God give you the strength and peace to deal with whatever lie ahead. I am sorry this is such a difficult time, there is always a light.

My heart goes out to you, and my prayers. Keep in mind, often the test or technician isn't the right tool at the righ time for you and your baby. I had several miscarriages before my oldest daughter was born. Afterward, another 12 years of wanting, trying, and crying... then a suprise - and many changes later... my 3rd child gave us a similar scare. Due to my history and both our ages, we had an early set of tests at about 12 weeks gestation. Needless to say there was 'nothing' on the ultrasound. No heartbeats, no images, noting. We cried and cried... but my husband said the baby was 'just hiding' (I personally thought he was patronizing me - can we say "overly distraught hormones?") Turned out he was right. Lesson for me was that no matter what medical test or scary news we receive, it was ultimately a false alarm and another reminder that we are 'practicing' medicine.