Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Do you think people didn’t know the keyboardist for the Grateful Dead smoked pot?

“Hornsby doesn’t.”

Hornsby doesn’t look like Piano Jesus, man. We all knew.

“Fine. But, that’s not it.”

What?

“Nothing.”

Hold on: let me research this crime in its fullness.

(Town of Windsor – August 9, 2015) On August 8, 2015, Troopers from SP Gateway arrested Jeffrey P. Chimenti, 46 and Jay H. Lane, 50, both of San Francisco, CA for the violation of Unlawful Possession of Marihuana. The arrest resulted from a traffic stop on State Route 17 in the Town of Windsor. During the stop an odor of marihuana was detected and a search was conducted. Chimenti and Lane were passengers in the vehicle. They were found to unlawfully possess a total of approximately 17 grams of marihuana. Chimenti and Lane were given tickets returnable to the Town of Windsor Court on August 18, 2015.

What the fuck is marihuana? Isn’t that what they called weed in the…

“Before you yell–”

YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME SHEATH PRIVILEGES, JEFF CHIMENTI.

“–you should know that…dammit.”

You went back in time just to get jazz cigarettes?

“Among other things.”

Goddammit.

“Billy was always ranting and raving about Thai Stick, so I went back and got some of that.”

How was it.

“Decent, you know. I mean: the people who grow weed nowadays have advanced degrees in the shit, and computers and stuff.”

Right. And you went back to the Roaring 20’s to score a lid of marihuana of a pachuco in a zoot suit was…?

“Not the main goal on that trip.”

What was the goal?

“Laudanum.”

Sure.

“Couple six-packs of original recipe Coca-Cola.”

Okay.

“And, you know: while we were there, I bought a cigar box full of marihuana for a nickel.”

Cigar box is a lot bigger than 17 grams.

“And marihuana is a lot stemmier and seedier than, say, a lovely Berry White or an OG Kush.”

…

I should be judging you for misusing the Time Sheath technology, but I think a drug-tasting voyage through the years is a great idea. Kudos, Jeff Chimenti.

“Thanks, man.”

You grab some ‘ludes?

“Yes. That chemical is rapey.”

Huh.

“It’s basically just roofy-ing yourself in bell-bottoms.”

Okay. Can we get back to the marihuana?

“Right. I totally forgot it was in the car. We weren’t even smoking it.”

Why not?

“Because we were hitting the wax pen the cops didn’t find. Are you really that confused about the atrocity that was pot from the 1920’s? They could barely grow fucking corn in the 1920’s.”

I’ve driven that stretch of Rte 17. It is Waaaay the fu@k out in the sticks. The cop probably hadn’t seen another car in hours and was bored to death. Oh and they had long hair. Why is long hair still an Anger Trigger for cops? hahaha