Nude intruders are weird. Drunk nude intruders are weirder. But drunk, (half) nude intruders who crawl into bed with 10-year-old girls and sort of just lay there, all silent and creepy, are the stuff of Guillermo del Toro's nightmares. One traumatized little girl from Signal Hill can very much attest to this, after getting the unpleasant surprise of her life at 2 a.m. last Sunday:

"When I got up I was like, 'Who is this?'" the brave 10-year-old told CBS2 reporters yesterday. "The only thing I knew is that he was laying on my bed, facing me."

Police say 24-year-old Sergio Osuna of Whittier, reeking of alcohol, stripped down to his boxers during the big slumber-party crash...

... in the 1900 block of Cherry Avenue. The only victim more upset than his unwilling bedmate was her father, who told reporters he kicked Osuna in the face repeatedly and held him in a headlock before police arrived.

Sergio Osuna, ghetto Goldilocks.

"I wake up and I see the guy close to my daughter," he said. "I see the guy only in boxers, close to my daughter and say, 'What the hell?''' And that's pretty much the only thing there is to say, given the circumstances.

Though Osuna was definitely found half-nude, drunk and laying in a 10-year-old girl's bunk bed, he seemed to care more about finding a place to sleep than doing so next to a minor. "Hey, let me go, let me go, I didn't do anything to the girl!" he reportedly told the girl's furious parents.

"The suspect told police that he had only been looking for a place to sleep," reads the CBS piece. "He was reportedly drunk and possibly under the influence of an unknown drug."

So dude got off with a charge of "child annoyance."

The girl's big brother was actually sleeping above her in the top bunk when a pantsless Osuna crawled in the window. Jesus. Where's Antoine Dodson when you need him?