Univ. Of Alabama Athletic Office News Release - New Team Recruits

Wayfroy P. Jackson: 6'6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest
prospect from Arkansas in the last ten years. Loves music. Will
demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Holds world record for the
most "you knows" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfroy
can print his complete name.

Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6'3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set
state scoring record out of Melrose High School, Charlotte, N.C.
Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions.

He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19"
TV under each arm.

Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6'1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From
Tyler, Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams
very well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the
school to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church
preference as "red brick".

Woodrow Lee Washington: 6'8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 3rd
generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children.
Mother claims Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He
has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found
innocent because "The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma." On
his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.

Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on
an Amtrack train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old.
Thinks the N on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge", but
still meets Alabama's stringent entrance requirements.
Insists on wearing number 32 jersey since it matches his score
on his College Entrance Exam.

Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a
pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his
other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed
letters of intent with six other colleges, but was also willing
to sign with us. Likes women and Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is
the Mexican Telephone Company.

Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high
school ball under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones. Abdul thinks
Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Knoxville. Doesn't know
the meaning of the word "fear". (Doesn't know the meaning of
many other words either.)

Note: School track coaches will use several of the above signees
in the track program. However, instead of using a starting gun
at track meets, they will be using a burglar alarm.