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THOUGHT PORN: [THE LUBE DEBATE]

Tonight I was in my local gay pub discussing nipple tickling chocolate with a tantra teaching lady I met at the bar.

We quickly got onto the subject of lube as we discussed that putting cayenne pepper in erotic chocolate may not be too enjoyable on the genitals.

The question is raised as to which lube is the best?!

The desired effect of a lubricant is to ease friction and allow for pleasure in sexual interactions with yourself, toys or others.

Yet many lubricants I have tried have not been so enjoyable.

The first lubricant I ever tried was Durex. Back in my teens when I was closeted it was the most advertised and easily available lubricant. It comes in many different options including two in one massage oils/ lubricant and various flavours. The most commonly available at supermarkets were always: feel, tingling or warming. They also do an Aloe Vera version.

***PLEASE NOTE: Lube will always taste like lube! If it’s strawberry or pineapple or cherry it will still taste like lube…sugary lube…lube with calories! Who wants that?!***

Out of the many I tried I’ve not yet found one that really satisfied me. The consistency is fairly thick yet it does not last that long meaning you will probably need to reapply during sex which could easily kill a sensual moment.

It also burns slightly even in the Aloe and (natural) Feel varieties. Burning is rarely fun and is kind of the opposite effect of what lube was invented for.

To top it off Durex has a habit of leaving everything a bit sticky which just feels kinda gross, especially when you’ve tried to wash it off.

KY Jelly, is another lube, typically used by nurses at the clinic to inspect your ass with a speculum. Personally I find this an instant turn off, (although each to their own).

It is, however, readily available at many supermarkets and pharmacies and I have been able to use it in emergency situations when other lubes were not accessible.

When I started to venture into gay sex shops and read gay publications I found ID Glide. Initially I received it as a sample along with the purchase of a sex toy.

ID is very slidy, and this can be both fun and ease things in the bedroom. It lasts longer than Durex and is a much more enjoyable experience.

This slidy-ness is also it’s downfall in my opinion as it can mean there is less feeling or you might accidentally put something in too quickly and hurt yourself.

ID like Durex can feel a bit cold and burny at times which, I repeat, is rarely fun.

In more recent years having comfortably explored all the gay shops london has to offer, I have had the pleasure of discovering Liquid Silk.

Liquid Silk is a slightly thicker consistency than ID and is closer to that of Durex with the added bonus of looking and feeling like cum!

This is great, it’s like barebacking without the risk of STD’s and old, dry cum up your bum.

Liquid Silk is also pretty long lasting meaning you can get a good run in before needing a top up.

The only downside for me is that again it can get a bit sticky and sometimes is too slidy allowing things to accidentally fly in a bit hastily.

My favourite and by far the best lube I have ever used is GUN OIL! This is the absolute winner!

You will almost certainly have to venture into some kind of backshop or basement to find it but it is definitely worth the journey.

I first used gun oil when it was gifted to me with my new white harness by a wonderful staff member in “Expectations” in Shoreditch.

It was a large bottle which was instantly a thumbs up in my eyes.

Gun oil has a very thin consistency until you apply it. It then becomes much greasier and is like slow silk, yet somehow it doesn’t leave you sticky.

During sex, Gun oil most definitely ticks all the lube boxes. It’s long lasting, silky, and best of all it does not burn. It stays at your body temperature allowing it to feel natural without any weird chemical tingling sensations or funky flavours (see ***).

Gun oil lasts forever! Days in fact without going nasty. So even when your finished having sex and you’ve showered and rested, you will still have a lovely silky bum hole.

Gun Oil, I salute you. Until I find a better lube I promise to be your most loyal customer and i’ll recommend you to all my friends, lovers or potential husbands.