Pondering my life

I look at my life at this point in time and think what was the point. I have failed as a person, husband and a friend.
My mortgage payment went up another 45.00 per month which puts even more stress on me. I am afraid I will lose my home.
My wife is distant, no friends.
The most simple daily tasks cannot be completed. My appearance has gone to hell. I am losing weight and feel sick most times.
Is this living or existing? I think of this as just purgatory. I am already dead on the inside, I just have not laid down.

Hey mpk, it gets discouraging, I know.....I really do. Yesterday I felt good, no idea why, just felt good. Today I'm back in the grips of depression and anxiety. Filled with fear......of life and the future. I don't understand how we end up like this, but it's torture. I was going to try and cheer you up, but I don't have the words today. I do empathize with how you feel and I wish I could take away everyone on the sites pain. I just try and tell myself, it'll get better(like yesterday) but waiting is the worst, I've tried everything o know to try and fix myself.....obviously without success. At least on this site....people understand each other. I do hope you feel better, try and find something positive in your life ( for me it's my dog, I look at her and I feel love) I've seen your posts and you seem like a good person, try and hang on until the darkness passes. Sending good thoughts and prayers for peace.
Brian

Thank you for your kind words. I have my dog, Lizzie, also. She knows something is wrong and has been hanging around me more than usual. I just don't know what to do. I have spent most of my life doing the best I can yet now it feels like it was all for nothing.
To much pain to bear yet somehow we all do it.

Thank you for your kind words. I have my dog, Lizzie, also. She knows something is wrong and has been hanging around me more than usual. I just don't know what to do. I have spent most of my life doing the best I can yet now it feels like it was all for nothing.
To much pain to bear yet somehow we all do it.

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Yeh, dogs understand and pick up on our feelings, my dog Bella is the same, she knows something is wrong.....we used to go for long walks in the woods and I feel bad not having the motivation anymore.
I know what you mean about doing the best you can. I've pretty well done that too. Always helped everyone that needed help, People with problems seem to gravitate to me and usually I just listen and they feel better....it's crazy when you're the one who really needs help. I've always found I so difficult to ask, don't want to bother people. When you wake up in the morning with that empty, dark feeling and thr hopeless outlook of another day, then you feel anger at yourself for feeling that way. It's an endless circle. I'm sorry for the negativity, I usually try and encourage others, today the cliche's just don't come I guess just work through it one day at a time as they say.
Brian

Don't worry about it, I understand. I have my good and bad days. Unfortunately this week the bad days have far outnumbered the good. No motivation to do anything other than force myself from one place to another.
I am just tired, really don't want to fight it anymore yet have to.