Birth Blog

5 reasons I planned a homebirth:

I'm not going to hold back on this: Having a homebirth has been my dream for a very long time, since before I even started training as a Midwife.

There was a brief period where I thought I wasn't going to be able to birth at home in Paris (for reasons I will elaborate on another time!) and it quite literally broke my heart. I sobbed tears of actual grief at the prospect of not being able to even attempt to birth at home; it meant so much to me to be able to birth in my own environment, in my own way, on my own terms. And having 'achieved' it is my greatest joy and my greatest feat. (I'm not keen on using the word 'achieved' in this context but I can't think of a better one right now!). I could write pages on this topic, but with a newborn in arms I'm pretty tight on timeframes where I can scribble out a few notes on my smartphone.

So here's a quick whistlestop tour of why it was so important FOR ME to birth at home:

(I emphasise the *for me* here because this post really is about my own personal experience and I appreciate that a homebirth is not for everyone...)

1. Born into gentle hands.

This was my number 1 reason for wanting a homebirth & the thing I am most grateful for.

I caught my baby in my own hands. No medical gloves have ever touched him.

I know this may seem superficial & irrelevant to some, but to me this was incredibly profound. That his first contact with the world was soft, human, gentle...reassuring. I believe that first touch says a lot to a baby. It sets a precedent for what he expects of the world: it says you are safe, you are loved, you are home...welcome home baby.

And since that first touch, gentle, reassuring kind hands is all he has ever known...

I had many reasons for wanting a homebirth, but the overriding feeling - that I felt most acutely throughout - was wanting to avoid all of the unnecessary prodding, poking, and testing that so frequently goes on in a hospital environment, serving only to undermine women's bodies & their birthing physiology. To do this I knew I needed to step out of the fear and the institutionalism of the hospital setting, to put the power safely in my own hands, to literally 'come home;' to myself, my body and my baby.

2. I did it my way

The very nature of a homebirth is that you are on your own turf. That speaks volumes for the power dynamics of the whole context in which you are birthing. It flips the script on so many things: You invite a midwife into your home, at the moment you decide to call her. She is entering your familiar world, as opposed to you entering hers. I have never been scared of birth. I never wavered on my complete trust & conviction that my body was entirely capable of bringing my baby into this world almost independently of 'me' - (i.e. my mind) - or anyone else...

I knew that all I needed was a quiet, respectful, watchful midwife who observed from afar & trusted my body to do this as much as I did.

Birthing at home thus gave me the liberty to do things in my own way, to my own rhythm. To let my body dance this unique dance to its own beat. To never have anyone doubt me or interfere with the way me & my body needed to live it.

There were no rules, nobody trying to impose on me the way things should be. No examinations, no tests, no questions....very little talking.

I was able to sway & to sweat & to roar in any way I needed to. I was able to say NO to whatever didn't work for me...And most importantly YES to everything that did.

on our sofa bed in the living room just a few minutes after Clovis was born (you can tell he's just popped out because he's still pale). I love how sweaty and grimey my hair is on this one; reminds me of my lioness-level efforts, particularly towards the end.

3. Unspoken terms: No need for a birth plan.

There is most often a kind of understanding between a homebirth midwife and the woman who has chosen to birth at home that renders an 'official' birth plan almost unnecessary.

Firstly, there are certain assumptions about why women want to birth at home, which revolve around a greater respect for a birthing woman's autonomy, her birthing physiology & the desire for less intervention.

On the other side there is an assumption that a homebirth midwife has taken on this role because she believes in a woman's capacity to birth autonomously & wants to support them in an empowering way.

The two hand-in-hand made many aspects of a birth plan - for me - kind of a given. And since I knew which midwives would attend my birth and had chance to discuss my wishes and desires beforehand, I never felt it necessary to put pen to paper and write an official 'plan'. If anything this would have felt a bit patronising & superficial.

Consequently I was able to completely let go on the day. There were no question marks in my head, no reservations about whether me & my midwife were on the same page. So my mind was quiet & my body was able to take over & do its wise work. My mantra was simply "Let life live through me."

4. Continuity of care, trust, and checking out of my mind.

I had 2 independant midwives (sage femme liberales) who had agreed to attend my birth depending on which one was available. My principal midwife -who did all my antenatal appointments - was on holiday around my duedate in July, therefore I also had her sidekick as my backup.

In the end it was the backup midwife who attended my birth. I had only had 1 official antenatal appointment with this midwife - right at the end of my pregnancy (although I had met her in other contexts & knew other women who had birthed with her so I had a good idea of her philosophy).

Fundamentally I knew 2 things in particular that allowed me to trust her completely & let go without reservation when it was her who arrived the day of my birth:

1) She would let me do things my way as much as possible - and intervene as little as necessary.

2) She is an incredibly experienced and competent midwife, so should anything go off-piste I knew she would absolutely own it. That was crucial for me - being a Midwife myself - that I checked out of my mind and let go of any kind of reflection about things being okay. I gave myself over entirely to her hands. I barely even looked up from the birth pool when she arrived at my house less than 2 hours before I gave birth ...there was nothing left to discuss on the day - her reassuring presence was enough.

5. The power and the glory.

Ok so I realise I have to tread carefully on this one: there is a long & complicated history of women who birth 'naturally' appearing -to some -as claiming some kind of superiority over those who have more complicated and medicalised births.

So I am going to step out of any comparative quagmire entirely here and reclaim what I said at the beginning of this blog: This is about my own personal experience only. And subjectively I can tell you that the fact that I did all of the above- and ended up catching my babe in my own bare hands whilst squatting on my living room floor - made me feel like F***ing superwoman. There is no other earthly experience that will reveal to me the depth of my own strength & courage - and an incomparable sense of being truly alive- as this did. And I am going to own that till the end of time - no matter what anyone else has to say about it.

It has undoubtedly contributed to how confident I feel - and continue to feel - about my ability and conviction as a mother. And it has by no uncertain measure contributed to how much of a zen, reassured, joyful & 'awake' baby Clovis is.

I can only look back and feel incredibly proud of myself for the insane amount of time and energy I put into planning and preparing for my dream birth.

And I don't believe I was too extreme. Because going in this hard on every little thing left only 2 options for me, both of which I came out on top:

Either it worked and I got my dream homebirth. Or it didn't and I would look back with no regrets; that there wasn't anything I could have done differently.

Perhaps the latter was the thing that really sealed the deal for me. I went into my homebirth with an open mind and zero resistance (and I worked especially hard on this one - on being ok with the potential of 'failure') feeling that if it didn't work out I would still live it positively & with zero regrets.

My mindfulness preparation is what left the door truly wide open for me to live my birth feeling confident that I did it truly my way, whatever the outcome.

And sometimes in life you simply get to win. And whilst I continue to shed a thousand tears for all those women who have their rights and their spirits and their dreams quashed by disrespectful, dishonest and at times quite simply horrendous, care during pregnancy and birth, I feel with every ounce of me that we need to keep singing these positive songs of empowered birth. Not to compare ourselves or seek one-upmanship, but to enforce and reinforce and reinforce again - till the GODDAMN cows come home - what it means for women to live their birthing experiences in a positive, empowered and respectful way.

That it truly does change women's and baby's lives, and - as such - has the capacity to change the world into a more peaceful, respectful & awakened place.

My personal homebirth experience has strengthened my conviction in everything I have ever believed about birth. Because after nearly a decade spent as a midwife, doula, & prenatal 'educator' I finally put theory into practice. Finally my body knows what my mind has always believed. The strongest and most profound of all human knowledge; that deep knowing of an embodied memory of a moment where we truly touch life at it's core. Where this human body brings a brand new life into this world. When you stop & think about it it's a bit of a no-brainer (and I mean this literally - in the sense that we have to leave our brains behind and truly feel what this means on an embodied - perhaps even 'spiritual' - level)

When you see it, feel it, on that level - how can our birth be anything but transformative?

There is no other earthly experience that will reveal to me the depth of my own strength & courage - and an incomparable sense of being truly alive- as this did.

At the time I was told by many people (and I mean a lot - like every person I met) "What you do won't work here..." Everyone wants epidurals, nobody's interested in 'natural birth,' its hugely over-medicalised in Paris etc etc.

I'm happy to say that I have found the reality has been very different indeed!!

Before I went on maternity leave I was teaching 2 group hyonobirthing classes a week. As well as private one-to-one hypnobirthing classes on top of that...and 4 prenatal & postnatal yoga classes per week to boot.

If anything I had TOO much demand.

"What i do" was undoubtedly working here...

In these past 2 years I've launched the Paris positive birth movement, co-produced a documentary film about homebirth, been invited to speak at numerous conferences (including roundtable discussions at prestigious Parisian universities) about the over-medicalisation of birth, supporting women's voices etc. I have also met TONNES of professionals who were already working hard here to promote a similar philosophy of women's choice & physiology.

And most importantly I have had the immeasurable pleasure of supporting 100's of sensational women in realising truly empowered pregnancies and births.

So 2 things I've learn:

1. There are no such thing as Parisian or French women, really. There are just women.

And the world over you will find little pockets of attuned & visionary women, working hard to promote a vision of the future where babies are born peacefully and respectfully into the world... where their mothers start their journey into motherhood feeling respected, 'heard' & empowered.

2. Never let anyone tell you that "what you do won't work here." Because with enough passion, drive, conviction - and of course sensitivity - you can do any bloody thing you want.

The modern world is wide open for those who know how to connect with people's hearts & support them to reconnect with the beauty of a more peaceful life & a more peaceful world.

So a big thank you to everyone who has supported me, everyone who follows me, and everyone who has shared and promoted my work and words here.

It may only be a facebook page, and it may only be 1000 likes (which of course pales in comparison to the many celebs who are inevitably doing much greater things for the world ;)) but to me it means a lot. And it stands as an emblem that things are changing in the birth world in Paris - and the world over. Because little people like me, and their little 1000 likes, are each chipping away in their little corners, working hard to support women's voices and the vision of a more respectful & peaceful world for women, babies and families.

I have been INVADED with emails and messages recently asking for recommendations for all things birth in Paris.

Unfortunately, as much as I’d love to reply to you all individually – as I used to do before my little one arrived - or meet with you and discuss your individual needs and circumstances fully, I really don’t have the time that I used to.

So I decided that I would try to almagamate a quick list of the wonderful people I’ve had the pleasure of working with over the last few years in Paris, as my sort of little black book for birth.

If I’ve recommended someone here then that usually means I have personally used or had experience with their services, OR they come highly recommended to me by another mamma I’ve worked with in Paris.

If you offer services in the birth world and I haven’t recommended you here then please do feel free to contact me and invite me along to observe or participate in your services so that I may be able to recommend them from personal experience:

Over time I will be adding more contacts and more detailed info about other Pregnancy & Birth services in Paris so please do revisit as this is only the skeleton for now. Please also feel free to share a link to this page with pregnant or soon-to-be pregnant friends, or on your own websites…

N.B those services/professionals who I know are also English speaking are marked with a triple star symbol ***

Midwives & Doctors in Paris

Midwives :

As the gold standard of care I cannot even begin to list the benefits of having a sage femme liberale (Independent Midwife) who works from a ‘Accompagnement Globale’ (Continuity of Care in English) model of care.

What ‘Accompagnement Globale’ (AGN) means is that you have the same Midwife who you see through the whole of pregnancy for all of your antenatal appointments, AND she comes to your birth, as well as doing your postnatal visits after the birth.

Research has shown that this model of care has so many benefits for women - both physical and pyschological – and I have ONLY good feedback from women in Paris who I have recommended this model of care to.

These women ALWAYS say that they had no idea at the beginning of their pregnancy how pivotal a sage femme AGN would be to their perinatal wellbeing, and that it changed their whole experience to have a Midwife that they knew and trusted and were able to form a relationship with her before the birth.

***Groupe Naissance :www.groupenaissances.org. Phone their secretary Audrey to book an appointment with one of the Midwives :07 81 02 81 60

Groupe Naissance are a group of Sages Femmes Liberales all working in the ‘continuity of care model’ described above. I can personally say that Nadia and Sidonie are both INCREDIBLE Midwives, and I have only heard good things about all of the Midwives in Groupe Naissance (GN). The Midwives in this group are all commited to physiological birth wherever possible and reducing any unnecessary intevention.

GN operate in 2 different Clinics in Paris (Saint Therese and Jean D’Arc), where they have a ‘plateau technique’ which essentially means they have an agreement to use a room in these Clinics for their births.

The Groupe Naissance Midwives also have their own specific Doctors who they work with, which means that if you did need any intervention from a Doctor during pregnancy and Birth this would be provided by one of the Groupe Naissance Doctors who are more aligned with the same principles of supporting physiological birth and minimising unnecessary interventions. You can read more about their philosophy on their website

Read more about AGN at CALM here : www.mdncalm.org/laccompagnement-global-a-la-naissance-agn/

There is only one birth centre in Paris and the Midwives there all work from the Accompagnement Globale model. If you get a place there (it’s notoriously difficult to get a spot here as there is so much demand for it) then you will be allocated a Midwife or team of 2 Midwives who will follow you through your whole pregnancy and birth.

To get a place there you need to register early !! In order to put your name down to be considered **you have to attend one of their Monthly meetings which take place every first Tuesday of the month at 7pm.**

Check out their website for which meeting dates correspond with women with which pregnancy due dates. I.E. the meeting in September is for women expecting their babies in March/April 2017 ONLY

Home Birth Midwives :

There are very few homebirth Midwives in Paris and they tend to get booked up very early so it’s advisable to book an appointment with them as soon as you get pregnant :

Doctors :

Research shows time and time again that for low risk women with ‘normal’ pregnancies i.e. those without ‘complications’ (for want of a better word) then Midwives are *The best placed professionals* to provide pregnancy, birth and postnatal care.

Therefore I must start this section by expressing fiercely that I do not encourage women with low risk uncomplicated pregnancies to have their pregnancy or birth care delivered by an Obtetrician unless there is a specific reason.

This is especially the case for birth as research has shown that the very presence of an Obstetrician in the room can increase the chance of a birth intervention (epidural, forceps, caesarean section etc) significantly (I think it’s FOUR TIMES as much – I need to double check the research !) compared to if there are only Midwives in the room.

I have not personally ever had care from Obstetrician or Gynaecologist in France but the following OBGYNs have been recommended to me by several women and are also 2 of the OBGYNs who are part of Group Naissance :

Amazing Amazing Amazing. This was one of my favourite things I did during pregnancy. If not THE favourite. If you are pregnant in Paris GO and do a water relaxation with Lolo aka Aqua Serena Go go GO!!!!

During the really tough bits of my labour I had flashbacks to these beautiful moments in the water, being held by Lolo: Of floating weightless & free in the water...I could have never imagined when we did the sessions together in Paris in May & June, how much it would help me to stay calm & focused during my homebirth in July.

You can watch this beautiful video of Lolo to get a feel for her wonderful work; vimeo.com/222653936

A quick update on what's going-on and not-going-on during my maternity leave...

As most of you already know (thanks to my excessive facebooking & instagramming -soz!) I am currently growing a beautiful little baby boy of my own!

For the last 7 years, I have been spending my time learning everything I possibly can about pregnancy birth & motherhood, and supporting hundreds of other women through their unique and miraculous journeys into motherhood.

Now it’s time for me to make this magical journey of my own!

Since I am always singing from the roof tops about how important it is to Slow down, Tune in and Connect with your body’s own natural intelligence during this precious time, it is now the moment for me to take a slice of my own advice and sign out temporarily from supporting other women, so that I can focus on my own unique and personal journey.…

Over recent weeks I’ve felt a strong pull towards retreating, and taking the time to fully tune in to listen, experience and to know these many and incredible changes that are going on in my body, and mind, more intimately.

What a luxury, to be able to simply sit, breathe, and to listen to the minute-to-minute transformations going on inside my very being. I can (and have been!) spending literally hours lying on my yoga mat with my hands on my tum monitoring this little wriggler and feeling insanely connected to my body, my breath and to the natural intelligence of life, that is able to create and sustain an entire human being, right inside my tum.

It blows my mind almost daily that my body is so gloriously capable of nurturing and sustaining a whole new life inside of me and that all this bumping around in my belly is actually a whole little person that I will get to hold in my arms sometime later this Summer.

And so it feels undeniably important to me that I take the time to give this unique and specular period in my life the grace, respect and attention it both deserves, and is calling for.

After all…what could BE more important, and profound, than this ?

So before I immerse myself completely into the full spirituality of it all....her's a few important bits of info for you about what's still going on and not-going-on during my 'maternity leave':

Pregnancy BLOG

I will be continuing to blog about my baby growing–birthing–mothering adventures on my new blogpage « Preggo Paris » here. Please join me there to follow what I am doing with myself during my maternity leave, from prenatal swimming classes, to exploring the best baby-friendly spots around Paris!

As usual, I will continue to post TONNES of other useful info about pregnancy, birth and motherhood on my Doula Paris Facebook page here, as well as other info on pregnancy/birth related events in both Paris and the UK.

HYPNOBIRTHING CLASSES

If you would like to book a *private* one-to-one hypnobirthing course this will be possible from November 2017.

I don't plan to restart teaching my group hypnobirthing classes until early 2018.

If you would like to book a *private* one-to-one hypnobirthing course this will be possible from November 2017.

My weekly prenatal and postnatal group yoga classes are temporarily on hold until later this year. To keep up to date with when my yoga classes will be restarting, please follow my Doula Paris facebook page.. Info on my yoga classes is also updated on my website here : www.doulaparis.com/prenatal-yoga-classes/

While I am away, I recommend the following prenatal and postnatal yoga teachers in Paris :

THANK YOU and reviews

And finally a BIG thank you to everyone who has taken my hypnobirthing classes and yoga classes recently, it is always such a pleasure to join you and support you on your beautiful journeys into motherhood.

I have received so many gorgeous and heart-felt emails, texts and reviews from many of you thanking me for my support and advice during your pregnancies and this really does mean so much to me.

#MyChoice beautifully captures the voice of Renata Rodrigues, documenting one woman’s experience of why having a homebirth and having her birth choices respected was so important to her, as a woman and as a Mother.

« I believe that each of us can make a tremendous difference. Politicians and visionaries will not return us to the sacredness of life. THAT, will be done by ordinary people, who gather, neighbours and friends together and say :

remember to breath,

remember to feel,

remember to care,

remember life.

Let us do this together - for ourselves, and our children, and our children’s children….» Gunilla Norris

As I was listening to a guided meditation early last week I came across this powerful quote from Gunilla Norris. And it got me all fired up for the Paris Positive Birth Movement gathering that was to come later that week.

This idea that real change comes from ordinary people, coming together, from a point of shared experience is something I have always believed in, and it is the premise of Grassroots movements such as the PBM.

But this quote was about more than that, it was a gentle nudge, a subtle whisper, reminding us that the real power from these gatherings comes from when we connect on a deepy human level, when we connect from the heart.

And THAT, I believe, is a revolutionary act.

What’s revolutionary about that?

“We underestimate the strength, positive energy and healing power we cultivate when women gather all together. Because there used to be more women's gathering for all kind of purposes back in time. Unfortunately it's not the "trend" anymore. We need each other's presence, words, energy. I am so grateful to have found this group in Paris, and hope it will become an example to empower women.” Marissa, mum and hypnobirthing teacher.

There is a tremendous energy in women gathering together, sharing experiences, supporting one another, listening, hearing, respecting silence, respecting the presence and needs of others... It is the power of sitting, breathing, and feeling together in one room that makes individual concerns feel bigger, and important.

And this conscious gathering, this collective caring IS a political act. It’s about staying THIS matters, I matter, WE matter, and mostly: Our CHOICES matter.

Sometimes, that’s all it takes. This tiny little micro-revolution that can happen inside of any of us, is all that needs to happen to alter the course of someone’s life, even just a little bit.

Off the back of these gathering a woman might change her care provider, she may feel more empowered or informed to a make a different choice about a certain aspect of her birth plan, or she may simply gain confidence and conviction from listening to the positive birth experiences of other women. They may seem tiny, but these everyday minature revolutions can change one woman’s experience. And that matters.

And what of our hearts ?

"Thank you for creating a safe and positive space to talk about pregnancy and birth, to share information, stories and give support" Ruxandra, mum & Hypnobirthing teacher

This tone of collective caring, support & empathy IS the revolution. I believe that chosing to connect with ourselves, and each other from the heart is one of the most powerful choices we can make.

It is a pivotal first step in saying « I matter, my choices matter » and consequently being able to extend that loving presence to « YOU matter, your choices matter,» which will fundamentally lift us all. Because then EVERYONE matters, and EVERYTHING matters.

Whenever I see any real momentum in the birth world, whenever women are really supporting one another in a way that leads to palpably positive change, it is these tender qualities of the heart that are always at it’s core. Birth icons such as Sheena Byron, Tracey Cooper and Francoise Freedman are shining examples of this from me, their work is so clearly charged from the heart that it infuses everything they do and eveyone they touch.

Writ large, the revolution starts with you. It starts with the simple, but revoltionary act of self care & self compassion. When we cultivate that heartspace in ourselves - that tenderness, that receptivity - then it invariably and authentically extends to others.

Can we have a birth revolution without it ? Counterbalancing the fear bias

The danger -then - is when the negative, critical, fear bias of our brains take charge and our hearts get left behind.

Too often I have seen birth gatherings, meetings or forums turn into critical, judgemental, in-fighting, which serves nothing and serves noone.

Even in this supportive, space of the Paris PBM last week there was a moment where the tone of the meeting turned to fear & anxiety. Luckily, it was Emilie, a beautifully receptive and conscious french Chirpractor that spoke up and brought everyone’s awareness to how this switch had completely changed the atmosphere « look how peoples behaviour, language & interactions has changed when we start feeling through fear….this is exactly what happens in hospitals. This fear is contageous »

Fear creates barriers, it creates resistance & contraction, infusing the exact opposite conditions to the open receptivity of the heart. The good news is, they are both equally contageous…so better to focus our attention on cultiavting the heartspace - non ???

Emilie was spot on : it is exactly what is happening in the institutionalised birth world. We forget to breath, we forget to feel, and we forget to connect. Midwives so frequently have no time or space to come back to their hearts, in the pressure cooker of the current sytem.

Crucially, Midwives too must start from a place of self care and self compassion before they can authentically extend this loving presence to others. And the current climate in which most Midwives work – gloablally – are not at all fertile for cultivating the heart. There is no space to breath, no space to feel – deeply - and less and less energy left to care.

This theme of caring for yourself is thus a wake up call and a warning call for many of us birth workers and proffessionals. Sometimes we get so charged and animated about the bigger political picture of changing things in birth that we forget this basic fundamentally micro revoltionary act : We forget to feel, forget to breath, forget to connect. We lose sight of this quality of loving presence - for ourselves and others - that has the huge capacity to impact on all and everything.

The revolution starts with you ; Cultivating the heart space

This week Paris was blessed with a visit from the positive Mumming sensation Hollie de Cruz. She was kind enough to leave me with some of her *yesmum* positive affirmation cards for mums, which I gave out during my postnatal yoga classes. These daily affirmation cards are a brilliant and simple way to remind yourself to infuse self-compassion, positivity and kindness into your busy everyday life. Thank you Hollie! I have mine out on my coffee table : )

The essence of navigating change: before, during & after birth

It is because of this conviction in the power of empathy and shared understanding that I have been focussing on cultivating heart awareness in my own practice recently, and I have been planning my prental yoga and postnatal yoga classes around this theme.

If you ask me (which you didn’t, but you’re reading my blog so I’m going to tell you anyway) this choice to reconnect with the heart is one of the most powerful choices we can make.

The qualities of self compassion and acceptance are what I believe truly support women to adapt to the everpresent emotional and physical transformations during pregnancy, birth and motherhood.

In my experience, it is meeting these changes with openness, receptivity and self compassion that allows women to make space for these potentially painful experiences.

Thus the focus of my prenatal yoga and postnatal yoga classes of late has been around the physical postures and meditations that open the chest and the heart space, reminding us to feel, and cultivate this tender receptivity of the heart. Being kind to ouselves and kind to others.

There are tonnes of meditations which you can do to cultivate this quality of self compassion and extending this gentleness to others, such as the loving kindness meditation here

The heart practice that I have been using a lot recently is this guided meditation from Tara Brach, which uses visualisation to sense our own goodness, and the tender qualities of our own hearts.

So often we judge and criticise ourselves to a point where this negativity bias becomes so deeply ingrained that it IS us. And it cannot help but extend to the way we treat others.

I’m super conscious of this at the moment since I have recently been going through the fatigue and general physical and emotional yakiness of early pregnancy. It took me a good few weeks of feeling completely grot and being quite critical and harsh on myself before I finally « woke up » and reconnected with this heart practice. Thanks GOD for my meditation practice because it really helped me to a greater acceptance and compassion for the fact that my life was changing, my body was changing and brought me back to a place of « making room for all of this». Without it I believe I would have stayed in a place of resistance and negativity for much longer, wanting to go back to the old me that I know and where I felt comfortable, instead of approaching this new phase with openess and receptivity.

The heart of the revolution

The heart is at the core of eveything we do, and if it is not, then nothing will really change, not really.

It is this subtle but revolutionly act of each of us « remembering to feel… remember to care… » first for ourselves, and then for others, that I believe will bring about real & tranformational change in women’s experience and in the birth world at large.

I hope then that sharing this quote might share this little nudge, that little whisper, that reminds all of us to come home…come back to the heart and remember to care for ourselves and care for each other.

Fear will keep pull us all down, but the heart will lift us….

More positive feedback from the PBM meetings:

"I feel so lucky to have found the Positive Birth Movement whilst I was pregnant. The discussions were enlightening and reassuring, helping me feel excited, not anxious, about birth. And as a bonus, I found out about wonderful prenatal yoga and birth preparation classes.

Since giving birth, I love attending the meetings too, to share what I've learned with other women and to keep learning and talking about one of the most amazing things in the world!!" Hollie, mum of Joyce

"A first timer to Chez Sharon, it was inspiring to see a gathering of gorgeous girls, in varying stages surrounding the creation of life. The environment was relaxed & welcoming and the chat between us flowed naturally & was throughly engaging. I would have loved to make the meetings before, but I am happy to be able to add to them post-baby and I look forward to the next one..." Ash, mum of Lir

"Great to be a part of positive birth movement. It was first time that I attended the meeting and it assured me that giving birth is the most natural thing and even it could be positive fearless journey." Lenka, 38 weeks pregnant with her first Baby

"It was wonderful to finally be able to attend this meeting! Great synergy and sharing around the theme of choice in giving birth." Tatiana, baby nurse, baby massage & prenatal yoga

SO what of the ‘failed hypnobirth ?’

A while back when I first launched Doula Paris (sorry – I mean the GLOBAL PREGNANCY PHENOMENON that is now known as Doula Paris) a new mum posted a comment saying she’d had a ‘failed hypnobirth.'

I remember thinking at the time : ‘What IS a ‘failed hypnobirth?’ ‘Am I missing something?’ But mostly, what a shame that this woman thinks she has had a failed- anything- birth (equally worrying is the language of a ‘failed homebirth’, ‘failed vaginal birth’, ‘failed VBAC’…and don’t even get me started on the term « failure to progress» in labour….).

From where I was standing hypnobirthing to me was simply a ‘tool,’ and a set of exercises that could help parents-to-be to prepare mentally for their babies birth. It didn’t really seem like you could fail at it.

I recalled that during my hypno teacher training, the hypnobirthing DON herself – big up Katherine Graves -, said something like «hypnobirthing makes a difference to all births, but it will benefit different couples in different ways. »

This approach made sense, as it resonated with the Brownie Guide Law of Midwifery school : « every woman is different, every pregnancy is different - and unique. »

The idea that there could be any concrete end in itself to any ilk of birth preparation (hypnobirthing or otherwise) seemed sort of unfathomable and unrealistic. Only when you start introducing this idea of a fixed goal to ‘achieve’ do you introduce the possibility of failure. And when we fail we suffer.

Thus, if ‘natural birth’ is the goal then anything that deviates from the natural birth benchmark could be perceived as failure. And we all know that it just doesn't work like that with birth. Labour and birth – by it’s very nature - is much more fluid, ultimately unknowable, uncontronable, and unplannable…

It seemed to me that if it was taught well, and with an open mind, every woman and couple would integrate the hypnobirthing techniques in their own way, and in a manner that had meaning for them. In this sense, hypnobirthing has the potential to morph into a positive and empowering tool for all couples.

Fast forward a year of two and the more experience I have of teaching hypnobirthing, the more this rings true, and most importantly it is confirmed to me in the feedback I receive from parents.

Over in the Doula Paris towers (aka my living room), there’s been TONNES of positive feedback pinging into the Doula Paris inbox from parents who ‘didn’t get the natural birth they might have hoped for….but still found the hypnobirthing techniques mega useful for feeling confident and well prepared, and staying calm during labour and birth.’ And here’s the Bonus ball: many parenting newbies are also reporting back that they are using their hypnobirthing Ammo to navigate the challenges of new parenthood (and surely that is the ultimate wrestle right there?).

At the time of the failed hypnobirthing woman comment, however, I perhaps didn’t have the benefit of all this experience, SO I’m really grateful to this Mamma for her timely comment : her language and reaction to her birth experience really helped me to question and reflect on the way in which I presented & taught hypnobirthing to parents myself.

As always, I continue to learn the most from the women themselves.

Ultimately I decided I wanted to teach and present hypnobirthing in a way that NO WOMAN felt like they had failed.

Of course we all want a natural & pain free birth! Duh!!! And hypnobirthing definitely CAN increase the possibility of that happening – I have shed loads of emails from women who I’ve worked with who have experienced exactly THAT. HOWEVER, I feel it’s equally important that we keep it real, and broaden our perspectives to include the mutiplicity of unique and personal journeys that each women travel, so that eveyone feels like a winner.

The failed Hypnobirth - does it exist??

Looking back – in my quiet little reflections - the issue seems to me that Hypnobirthing has become too closely allied with the persuit of a ‘natural’ birth. Hypnobirthing teachers - or anyone- promising a pain free, normal birth Ipso facto introduce the concept of failure.

And I fear that if we’re not careful, Hypnobirthing could merely become another way in which we pull the wool over women’s eyes about the reality of birth.

My ultimate goal, in the work I do, is not to try to produce some kind of normal birth Shangri-la, but to reduce the suffering that has become synonomous with birth – and being a woman ; this Garden of Eden-style suffering (albeit a more modern form!) that appears to still exist due to the nature of simply being born with ovaries.

Whilst we used to speak of women suffering merely from the raw physical ‘pain’ of birth, it now seems that we have created a whole new wave of mental suffering that comes with this failure to achieve a given type of ‘natural’ birth.

As always we need to be ever-conscious and reflective about the way we speak to women about birth. If in doing so, we risk to trick or conceil to them the fundamentally uncontrolable and unknowable nature of birth itself, then we continue to do woman a disservice.

Not least, because there is a glory and a mystery in the reality of this other-worldy aspect of birth.

We so often speak of the way in which ‘the overmedicalised system’ itself tricks women during birth but I would invite you all to interogate the way in which we could each may be adding to this illusion.

If we start waving around promises of ‘natural,’ pain-free births and presenting them as the birth Utopia, we risk to paint some kind of mono-image or norm of what a positive birth experience looks like. And the truth is that a positive birth has many different manifestations and faces. Positive birth is more than just a birth outcome, it is a process, a continuum, a mindset, and a unique mix of each individual woman feeling supported, ‘heard’ and confident in a way that is meaningful to her, and her wider circumstances.

My suggestion is thus that we go back to day one lesson one of midwifery and hypno school and remember these all important basics « hypnobirthing makes a difference to all births, but in will benefit different couples in different ways. » and « every woman is different, every pregnancy is different - and unique. »

That’s personally what I always open with. And I am as yet to receive an emailing from anyone I have taugh hypnobirthing to saying they had a « failed hypnobirth. »

Postnatal Yoga classes, Paris 11ème

Taster class : 10€

Individual class : 18€

5 class pass: €75 (15€ per class)

This postnatal yoga class will be focussed on mindful meditation & gentle yoga that follow on from what you have done in prenatal classes & hypnobirthing. You are also very welcome to come along if you have never done any yoga before! No experience is necessary!

They specifically help to restore balance in the nervous system & re-energise those of you who are sleep deprived!

There will also be gentle yoga movements specifically designed for the needs of your postnatal body such as gently toning the abdominal muscles and strengthening the back.

The emphasis will be gentle everything at the beginning.

Most new mums undoubtedly have periods where they feel in need of relaxing, re-energising & recuperation more than anything, so there will be a "come as you are" philosophy so that you still feel you can come along to class and recharge even when you are your most bedraggled & sleep deprived : )

And the good news is that all of this can be done with your babe by your side - so the little ones are welcome to come along for some Om sweet Om too!!

please email me if you would like to sign up for my postnatal yoga classes! parisdoula@gmail.com

This week I received a lovely email from one of the mums who did my Hypnobirthing Group Courses in Paris recently, and gave birth to her first baby a few weeks ago.

As always, it made my little heart leap to hear that the Hypnobirthing course had been so useful to yet another couple during the labour and birth of their baby... But I was especially happy in this instance to hear about the benefits of the Hypnobirthing preparation for the Baby Daddy too!

I’ve received lots of lovely feedback from Dad’s in Paris recently who have really enjoyed and benefitted from the Hypnobirthing course Even the one’s who at first seem reluctant that we’re all going to sit round in a group holding hands and making Dolphin noises, very quickly transform into super enthusiastic Hypnobirthing converts when they see how clear and useful the information is. And whilst most Dad's 'Do it for Their Partners' they quickly realise that by doing the practice together as a couple, they themselves too start to feel much more relaxed and at ease about the whole birth process.

I dedicate a lot of time in my Hypnobirthing group courses to explaining the science behind the progress of labour and signs for Dads/Birth partners to look out. Admittedly this often involves me getting down onto All 4's and acting out a labouring women - in all of her hip-rocking and low-groaning glory -in order to demonstrate the more, errrrm, visual signs & auditory signs of labour progress.

I find that this information is really crucial to demonstrating to Dad's/birth partners how they can be such a vital support their partners during labour, helping them to stay calm, focussed and relaxed.

And I have to say that the feedback from Dad’s recently has been really great!

I find that what dad’s/birth partners really want is clear and tangible information and techniques that they can use to be both useful and helpful to their partner during pregnancy & birth – and the KG Hypnobirthing course gives them exactly this.

SO it was really great to hear how this couple used the techniques and information learned during the course to get the best out of their birth experience.

I was ESPECIALLY pleased when I received this message as this particular couple had their baby at a very ‘classic’ maternity clinic in Paris which is not at all renowned for a ‘natural’ or physiological approach to birth. We had discussed this during their hypnobirthing course and how in fact, one of the positive things about these classic maternity clinics (where they are used to an approximately 80% epidural rate) can be that couples are pretty much left to get on with the labour on their own, with the Midwife coming in once every hour or so to ‘check’ what’s happening. For a Hypnobirthing couple who are very well prepared and know exactly how to manage the labour alone this can actually be a very positive thing, as they are left to get on with out without too much interference. And this turned out to be exactly the case for this couple…who were left to do their thing and did it brilliantly!

Well Done You Guys!!!!!!

I hope this story will be of benefit to other couples in Paris who are wondering how it all works out with the Hypnobirthing in one of the more classic/private maternity hospitals.

As I always say, hypnobirthing helps you – as a couple – take control and responsibility for you own birth experience. And preparation is everything…

The vast open space of loving kindness "That which can hold all of this"

The Art of Loving kindness for pregnancy, labour and new motherhood

« In modern life we have become so busy with our daily affairs and thoughts, that we have forgotten this essential art of taking time to converse with our hearts….If we are still, and listen deeply, for even a moment, we will know if we are following a path with heart… »

Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart

In my prenatal yoga classes this week I introduced the technique of loving kindness or « amour bienveillante» as it is known in french.

This afternoon I was just about to send out an email to all of my mum-to-be yoga ‘students’ to remind them of this beautiful practice when I thought, « why not share it with other pregnant mammas and new mums who might also benefit ? » so I decided to thrash out a quick blog post about it instead.

As some of you already know I could HARP on about the benefits of yoga and mindfulness practice ALL DAY long, and list the many books that you absolutely HAVE to read and podcasts that will UNDOUBTEDLY change your life, but I’m going to try and make this relatively brief and focussed on the practice itself. BECAUSE, as we all know, it’s actually DOING the practice that creates the truly radical changes in our lives.

The practice of loving kindness is one of the key elements of modern mindfulness programmes, but it is equally found in many of the other ancient traditions.

I first learnt the technique myself when I did a Reiki initiation programme whilst studying my undergraduate degree at Durham University, back in 2009.

The practice is a simple yet powerful way of cultivating positive regard for both yourself and others around you, as well as the world at large. It both taps into our innate capacity to be kind and compassionate towards one another, whilst equally recognising this ubiquitous human desire for happiness and wellbeing.

The answer is always Love. And the question starts with YOU

« If you can’t accept yourself – if you hate yourself and get angry with yourself – how can you love another person and communicate love to him or her ? …Self understanding is crucial for understanding others, self love is crucial for loving others. »

Thich Nhat Hanh, The Art of Communicating

There is consensus amongst almost all of the many ancient wisdom traditions that we must first seek to love ourselves more fully before we can authentically and honestly give love to others.

The overarching message is : the work starts with you.

Cultivating compassion for yourself must come first if you are to seek to respond more compassionately to those around you.

Many of us have developed a strong reflex tendancy towards being ‘hard on ourselves,’ judging ourselves and our own achievements harshly.

Such tendencies can result in a cycle of suffering, as we perpetuate feelings that we somehow fall short of our own potential and/or that of others.

Developing a practice of compassionate understanding and kindness towards ourselves and our experience can thus be a radical and crucial first step towards loving acceptance of things ‘as they are.’ And oursleves ‘as we are.’ And this is where our mindfulness practice truly starts to take flight…

WHY is this practice especially benefitical during Pregnancy/New Motherhood?

« You are giving birth to your mindfulness teacher » Nancy Bardacke

The first part of this practice directs loving kindness first towards your baby, and then towards yourself.

It is therefore especially useful during pregnancy and early motherhood as you begin to cultivate a relationship of compassionate understanding towards both your baby and yourself, right from the get-go, and perhaps even before he or she is born if you start this practice during pregnancy.

In a nutshell, you’re setting off on the right foot ! or «c’est un bon premier pas » as the french would say.

Whilst most mums do fall madly in love with their babe from the minute they clap eyes on them, you will undoubtedly meet with many emotional obstacles in both pregnancy and the early days of motherhood as your pre-pregnancy life and identity shifts and you meet with the many challenges of stepping into this new version of yourself as «mamma.»

Developing this practice of loving kindness and compassionate self-acceptance is thus an important aspect of meeting these challenges with an open heart and an open mind.

Most importantly, it helps us to steer away from these old habits of negative self-judgement that can potentially tell us « we’re not doing it right » or comparing ourselves harshly to others who somehow appear to be « coping with it all better. »

The practice

The benefits of loving kindness are endless, and the good news is : it’s VERY simply to practice.

We simply repeat these 4 phrases below first towards your baby, and then towards ourselves.

It’s helpful if you can begin by establishing yourself in a meditation position, connecting with the rythm and flow of your breath to first settle and focus yourself into a state of ‘awareness.’

(If you are new to meditation I would recommend listening to free guided meditation MP3 that you can get online such as those from Peter Renner***, or using one of the many mindfulness meditation apps you can get on your mobile phone, to get started…)

You may find that an image of your baby or yourself arises during your loving kindness practice and that you can direct your words towards this image. Alternatively, a felt sense or awareness of your babies presence may become apparent to you.

This is all fine, and as with all mindfulness practice, the important thing is that you simply observe what is occuring, your reaction to it, and any feelings or emotions that arise….Whatever they are, good or bad, they are all welcome.

There are hundreds of variations of this practice, therefore feel free to adapt the phrases to suit your own sentiments and what feels natural to you.

Encountering resistance

As a result of the tendancies of self-criticisim and suffering described at the beggining of this blog, it can be very normal to feel some resistance to these words when you begin to direct the phrases of loving kindness towards yourself. Again, simply notice these reactions and try to meet them with the same spirit of care and acceptance. Remember, everything is welcome, in mindfulness practice we are not trying to be anything ‘other’ than that whihc we are, or change anything, we simply observe and accept things as they are, seeing if we can gradually meet them with compassion and understanding. The mindful birthing queen herself, Nancy Bardacke suggests that it you continue to encounter resistance towards your own positive self-regard it may be helpful to imagine yourself as a baby or child, who once was loved and cared for by your own mothers, and begin to direct these phrases towards your own inner child who too is worthy of this same love and acceptance.

Extending the practice

When you feel ready, you can move the practice away from your baby and yourself and experiment with directing the phrases of loving kindness towards friends, family and/or teachers/mentors that may have inspired you. You can also try out sending these sentiments towards more neutral figures or even strangers that you might pass on the street, on the tube/metro etc.

It’s best not to start with people whom you have more difficult or complex relationships with in the beggining of your practice, first get used to cultivating loving kindness to those who you easily feel a warm positive regard towards, and then move onto more difficult relationships.

You can equally extend the practice to other non-human ‘beings,’ plants and animals if you wish…

What generally results from extending this practice is a compassion towards and sense of connectedness with, all other being. An appreciation that each one of us is struggling in some way on our own journey, that we are in fact all in need of the same essential loving kindness and acceptance.

Simply listen, then see what come next…

Doula Paris Recommends…

***Peter Renner has lots of great (and FREE !) meditations online including a loving kindness meditation (it’s not adapted for pregnancy but you can tweak it) on his website here :

Tara Brach’s online guided meditations and talks have a WHOLE LOTTA HEART and often include themes of loving awareness and self-compassion. Check them out here :

Nancy Bardacke’s book « Mindful Birthing » included exercises of loving kindness and other mindfullness exercises for birth. My yoga teacher Ayala Gill recommended it to me a couple of years ago and it’s become one of my staple recommendations to EVERYONE in the birth world.

Jack Cornfield’s book, « A path with heart. » touches on many themes of putting our hearts into our mindfulness practice, and why it all begins there…

Looking for the answers in NYC: the view on the city from Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

Fighting with our 'selves'

How about if we all slowed down, took one step backwards, and BREATHED - Like really breathed?

How about if instead of always going to max capacity - always pushing ourselves to 100% - we tried out going to simply 60 or 80%, and see what that feel’s like?

And what if, instead of constantly reaching for something better, striving to be something or somewhere else, we stopped - still - and explored what’s already here, NOW?

Perhaps, maybe, in this slowness, this stillness – this space inbetween ‘being here’ and ‘getting there,’ we might actually learnt to love ourselves, and appreciate life, a little bit more - TODAY?

This is the philosophy that informs J.Brown’s Yoga School in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and I had the pleasure of practicing with J and some of his teachers at the Abhyasa Yoga Centre whilst I was visiting New York last week. His flexible, authentic, approach really rang true with me and the space I found in his classes helped to illuminate and consolidate some of my recent ponderings on the direction that the birth preparation world is going in.

For those of you who don’t know already, I’m currently working on a new and fruity antenatal programme with one of my best mates and (about to be) PhD-level Midwife, Julia Clark aka @birthupnorth. We’re trying to pin-down what’s a bit lacklustre in the birth prep world and create something more punchy, modern and authentic, that really speaks to the millenial Mamma.

What’s Yoga got to do with it ? Learning from The Slow Yoga movement.

J.Brown’s approach is part of what some are calling ‘the slow yoga revolution.’ Rather than any constant striving or pushing for external goals outside of our current experience, J’s practice method is about focussing on what’s here, in our present experience, using Yoga to appreciate and enjoy life today.

His teachings can be broadly summed up by his «gentle is the new advanced» philosophy, which seeks to shift the focus of Yoga to a breath-centred practice, helping us to truly slow down and take care of ourselves.

Sounds good right ? And it is – that’s the thing. It really DOES make you feel truly excellent.

So it got my juices flowing on how we might bring some of these principles to birth preparation, in an attempt to make it a bit more ‘gentle’ and realistic too.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘GENTLE?’

« The idea of having to ‘get there’ IS the problem…that creates this idea of lack. Trying to ‘find something’ implies that you don’t already have that something that you’re looking for’ *[1]»

A gentle approach shifts away from this cycle of harming ourselves and each other. It allows you to feel how you actually feel – in all it’s complexity – and not how you should feel or shouldbe instead (if only you were better and a bit more like Deliciously Ella or some other chick on instagram that looks like she constantly seeps Joy out of her tits).

In acknowledging what is actually here, we send love, acceptance and compassion to all of that. Experiencing our thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they are ; accepting them into our current experience rather than perpetually running from or avoiding them.

Writ large, this constant pattern of pushing and tugging with reality simply perpetuates a cycle of not good enough or ‘not there yet’ where we persistently feel that our present experience is insufficient or incomplete, that we are somehow not yet good enough or lacking.

So what about a more gentle and realistic approach to pregnancy and birth ? An approach that’s based on the acceptance of reality as it is, and focused on – as J puts it - « simply feeling better and enjoying life today ? »

Flow of ideas & inspiration following J's class! The slow yoga movement shebang is not new to me, but J's class flicked a switch and got my thinking about how we could apply this all to birth.

Hold your horses, or WHOA MAMMA : the slow or ‘gentle’ approach

I think the question we are really asking ourselves here is what does loving & accepting ourselves –as we are - really look like? And more specifically - how would this manifest in pregnancy ?

All of these bigger,better, faster, stronger impulses are essentially rooted in self-dissatisfaction, or a dissatisfaction with the way things actually are, right now.

It comes from this mentality that we somehow have to push pastsomething, to get ‘there.’ And this usually involves some form of concerted, strenuous effort, or even harm and self-sacrifice. It’s what J refers to as « the other side of the line. » This image of ‘there’ being some idealised version of reality nirvana whereby if we can only get to the other side of that line we might FINALLY feel better and start loving ourselves more fully.

Except we all know that this never happens, and that once we get to the other side of that line we simply start drafting out new lines, to achieve and conquer instead…

SO here’s the lightbulb : I think pregnancy and birth runs the risk of being just another part of this destabilising, erratic line-drawing process. We draw out a line for a ‘natural’ birth or a certain, particular, idealised image of how pregnancy ‘should be’ and of course we invariably fall short of it. And then we suffer .

Unless, we STOP, still, now and switch to an entirely different frequency. And I think that’s where the gentle approach has something to offer...

Experiencing Pregnancy TODAY : integrating reality

« What would it be like, if I could experience each moment of pregnancy, each stage of this new experience….with astonishment… or wonder…or awe ? »[2]

My concern with the antenatal world, im momento, is that we’ve all become a little bit overly-obsessed and blinkered by the birth. It’s hypno-birth, active-birth, mindful-birth, positive-birth…birth birth birth birth birth.

But there’s also a whole 9 month precursor to that all important birth (which we call pregnancy in case anyone’s forgotten). And I’m not denying the significance of birth, but what I do see – increasingly - is this tendancy for women to spend much of their pregnancy entirely consumed by the anticipation – and often anxiety – of realising this fixed, future reality of their perfect birth.

In reality - there’s a whole lot more in-between. Within this 9 months - each and every minute - lie hundred and thousands of tiny, unique micro-miracle happening , day by day, and I think it’s a real shame for us to miss even some of that.

Because, that focus on the birth experience is in the future, often the way distance future. Again it is this tendancy for grappling to be ‘on the other side of the line.’ Feeding into the idea that where you are now is not quite where you want to be.

Writ large the ‘I need to be over there’ philosophy prevents you from enjoying and appreciating your life and pregnancy TODAY. It prevents you from seeing what’s good and enriching about YOUR life TODAY. Equally, it prevents us from making the time&space to nourish and accept what’s difficult or challenging for us, right now.

A gentle paradigm for life makes for a gentle paradigm for birth

Here’s the juicy bit : By building this gentle, responsive, and realistic approach to pregnancy, I think we also build the foundations for a more dynamic, flexible and realistic approach to birth too. The two are entirely complementary, and the same mindset then gradually seeps into the postnatal period; facing the realities of new motherhood gently and realistically as well.

The self that meets it'sself – the constantly oscillating range of emotions and sensations day to day during pregnancy - with kindness, love and understanding, is the self that also encounters the wide range of sensations and emotions during labour and meets them too with tenderness and understanding, acceptance and curiosity too (Equally, it is the self that could eventually feel the urge for an epidural during labour and meet that with understanding and acceptance as well).

Further, it is the self that can meet the undpredictable and unknowable behaviours of a newborn baby with greater understanding, compassion, and patience...

Seen from this angle, pregnancy is, in fact, a continuum, whereby the gentle and flexible mindset you cultivate during pregancy – and life itself – eventually manifests itself in the same way during birth and beyond.

In short – the more intimately you learn to meet your daily experience gently, and with love, now, the greater your capacity to meet your birth, your baby, and your experience of new motherhood with love and undertanding too.

Isn’t this just like Hypnobirthing or Mindfulness?

« there was no seperation between their meditation practice and their labour experience. They were in a dynamic relationship to the birthing process as it unfolded, moment by moment. Like the dancer who is one with the dance, their birthing became their meditation practice. » Nancy Bardacke, Mindful Birthing

Well yeah, it kind of is. But it’s also more than that. It’s more dynamic, integrative, and complex than that : because – well – women are more changable & complex than that. And pregnant women are definitely so much more complex than that !

Some people say that hypnobirthing is actually a ‘mindful’ approach, but having taught hypnobirthing and experienced its effects I honestly don’t believe it is. I think it’s a first step towards mindfulness but I don’t think it goes all of the way. In a sense, I think we need to mix the two – and then throw in some other flavours and spices for good measure.

For me, hypnobirthing just cherry picked a few of the most essential aspects of yoga and meditation practice and bottled them up and branded them as a kind of crash diet for positive birth. But you can trace the roots of both of these schools into a much deeper and more profound practice of ancient philosophy and « ways of knowing .»

The danger I see with some of these hypnobirthing ‘post-it’ style affirmations is that they can sell you an image of how you should feel, and they can ignore what’s actually happening now. If you’re not flexible – or gentle - about the way you use them, they risk to perpetuate this cycle of the illusionary future, this pattern of always needing to somehow be or feel something outside of what or where you are now. In contrast, mindfulness focusses on what’s actually here, in this moment.

Mindfuless is simply a ‘waking up’ to the essence of life as it is, now. An appreciation and a care for the present moment, cultivated through paying attention, without judgement.

Nadia Rafat sums up the difference between a mindfulness approach and other birth preparation schools beautifully in her article here.

No Pain no Gain : How is gentle, STONG ?

At the Abhyasa Yoga Centre, Brooklyn, NYC after one of J.Brown's classes.

The disatisfied mind will inevitably asks itself, of the gentle approach: is this enough? If I’m not pushing myself, punishing myself, stuggling, striving for something that’s outside of my current experience: Am I lazy ? Am I ‘getting anywhere? Is this enough ?

And my answer to all of you, pregnant or not is this :

Where you are – TODAY – is OK

Who you are- TODAY – is OK

How things are – TODAY – is OK

What you are -ALREADY – is enough

«Everything is perfect and exactly as it should be » in the word’s of my Kriya Yoga Teacher Shibendu Lahiri:

Here’s the switch that flicked when I reflected on the gentle approach : I think our definition of ‘STRONG’ has been utterly contorted, and we all got a little bit confused.

What about if our strength actually comes in the form of tenderness, compassion and a kind of poetic beauty that slowly, and gently uncovers each day of pregnancy – whatever it might throw at us – with understanding and acceptance, until one day we finally unwrap birth in exactly the same way.

You see, birth is like christmas, and pregnancy is like the whole month of December. If you focus your attention too much on christmas day, you’ll miss the magic of the lights, and the tinsel and the mystical wonder of the stories we tell to children about Santa….and you might actually forget the presents, or the present altogether.

Going back to our 'selves': You are already strong

Here’s what I think : I think women are made to give birth. Or more specifically I think women’s bodies are made to give birth. We’ve just all become so wildly confused about that because we’ve been SO long submerged in this virtual reality of bigger, better, faster, stronger.

So I suggest that our strength, is actually rooted in this gentleness. Because women ARE stong. But we are a different kind of strong to the ‘virtual reality’ we’ve been sold. We are stong because we are tender, compassionate, and kind.

It’s by paying attention to that, cultivating that, wiring our brains to use that as our default ‘action and reaction’ that we get stronger. Not by somehow mentally or physically ‘pumping iron’ as it were. It’s by cultivating this gentle approach – to ourselves – that we tap into our utmost strength.

It’s not about becoming anything. It’s about cutting through these layers of virtual reality that we’ve been sold; that we need to be tougher, better, something other than oursleves, as we are.

Because in reality, you are already strong, you are F**cking Strong.

My darling, open your eyes to the dazzling reality of that which you already ARE; you are entirely, and unshakably POTENT.

Last night we had the Positive Birth Movement Paris Summer Picnic at Jardin Place des Vosges in Le Marais! I need to check with Milli (at the Positive Birth HQ) but I think this could actually qualify as THE most chic location for a Positive Birth Movement meeting ever ; )

It was a glorious summer evening and we were blessed to have 2 brand new mums, Hollie & Ash, with us, who have both had very positive birth experiences in Paris recently! Both had very speedy and straightforward waterbirths in Paris in June, and it was so wonderful to hear their empowering birth stories!

My hope is that the PBM group will continue to be a forum where mums, and mums-to-be in Paris can come together to share their positive birth experiences! It's also a great opportunity to share information and ideas, spreading & promoting even more positivity and confidence about birth in Paris!

When I first moved to Paris I heard a lot of negativity around birth here but I really want to spread the message that birth here can be really positive and empowering - if couples prepare well and chose the right caregivers!

Another PBM meeting regular, Anna, who did a Hypnobirthing course with me and prenatal Yoga with Sharon Bales, also had a wonderful physiological birth this month too! Hopefully Anna will be at the next PBM meeting in September to share her very positive birth story as well!

Both Hollie & Ash did Hypnobirthing courses and prenatal Yoga classes with me, during their pregnancies, and they were both SO well prepared, in mind, body and spirit for their physiological births! Well done Hollie & Ash - you're an inspiration!!!

Summer Updates:

Positive Birth Movement :

There will be no Positive Birth Movement meeting in August! The next one will be Thursday 22nd September and the theme/topic for this meeting will be "The last days of pregnancy" (celebrating this time, coping with it, issues around induction, etc)

Prenatal Yoga Classes:

My last prenatal Yoga class before summer vacation will be this Tuesday evening (30th August) at Cité Popincourt, Paris 11ème.

Thank You to everyone who has agreed to show our film at their conferences and events over the coming months - and to everyone who has shown the film so far! We are thrilled with all of the positive feedback and support we have already received in sharing this beautiful film!

If you have already seen the film we would love to have your feedback! Please leave your feedback in the comments box below, or email the filmmaker Bea Moyes: beatricemoyes@gmail.com

What if we weren’t afraid any more? Then what would birth look like?

What if women really weren’t afraid –I mean really not afraid- then what would birth look like ?

What if Midwives, too, weren’t afraid any more– then what would birth look like ?

What if our doctors, sisters, friends – even our hypnobirthing teachers & Doulas - weren’t afraid either - then what would birth look like ?

What if we were no longer afraid of Ourselves ? Afraid of our Bodies, Our emotions, our behaviours, our fears even….

What if we were no longer ashamed – then what would birth look like?

These are all quesions myself & my good friend - and fellow Midwife –Julia Clark (@birthupnorth) are asking ourselves, right now: What would a totally new vision of birth look like?

What if we were really honest with ourselves – then what would birth look like ?

Birth has been so entrenched in FEAR for so long, that I honestly think we’re not quite sure. SO we have to dip deep.

We have to start asking ourselves some pretty uncomfortable questions : facing our Egos and examining our own deceptions.

In other words we have MAN UP (or WO-MAN UP?)

What if we were all truly liberated – then what would birth look like ?

Women are still gagged – from truly expressing themselves physically, emotionally and spitirually – they are gagged & ashamed of following & expressing their instincts & desires.

And the big questions is :if you don’t listen to you instincts –then what the hell do you listen to ? And if you can’t follow your own personal truth, your heart’s desires….that what DO you follow ?

What about if « I trust my body » was more than just an affirmation you wrote on a post-it note and stuck on your fridge ? – then what would birth look like ?

Here’s the thing : I think we do have the answers. I think we really do, but I think it lies below layers and layers of bullshit that we have been feeding ourselves and each other for decades…

There’s so much superficial bullshit going around the birth circuit that it’s totally blinding women to the real work they need to do - on themselves.

The birth world has become a crazy fuzz of posting, and re-posting catch-phrases….And YOU CAN’T REVOLUTIONISE BIRTH by posting and re-posting a F**CKING Quote by Ina May.

It’s a good start, It’s really good start…But surely you have to reach down – inside of yourself- and find the place where that quote came from in Ina May herself– that deep & soulful place - and find where it lives in YOU.

Because otherwise we will all keep living in this superficial land of « let’s make birth better » and nothing really changes, not really…

Nothing will change for our daughters or our grand-daughter, or our great-great grandaughters because we will just keep passing on the same lies & fear on to them too.

UNLESS WE MAKE A STAND - NOW.

What if we totally owned it ? Then what would birth look like ?

I was recently having a beer with Julia in Leeds and mulling over my predicament about setting up as a independent Midwife in Paris :

ME: “I’m just cautious, reticent, not scared- but…”

Julia: “Sounds to me like you are scared… it’s ok to be scared…”

ME: “I’m not scared, it’s just I don’t know all the medical systems & protocols here, and it will take time…maybe it’s better if I start by working in a hospital first...”

JULIA: “Sounds to me like you’re scared…everyone gets scared – even when we simply change to a new hospital ‘trust’ within the UK, we get scared. ”

ME: “You’re right, I’m scared, it’s normal to be scared.”

You see: I was scared of admitting I was scared.

When I owned up to what I had to overcome – I felt much less powerless…And this is where I started to feel like we were on to something: Some of the answers must truly lie, in absolutely owning it.

So WHERE DO WE START ? A BASIC PRINCIPLE I learnt from Godfrey Devreaux

Godrey is well know in the yoga world for calling BULLSHIT on pretty much everything.

He rips the entire notion of ‘enlightenment’ and ‘spirituality’ to pieces…. And he also says the F word, a lot….

Godrey shines a very bright light on the years on years of deceptions and marketing ploys that have infested the yoga world, and made what is essentiallly a loving and enlightening practice – into something completely vacuous and even malignant.

I think we need to do the same with the birth world. I think that we started with something really really beautiful and heartfelt and authentic with the likes of Ina May, Sheila Kitzinger, and Francoise Freedman…but somehow it all got lost in a pseudo-spiritual quagmire….

Firstly – there are No ‘Guru’s : there is only you. There is only you, yourself, and your own free will.

This is the revolutionary act: you are your own Guru. And if you’re not, then nobody is, and then you’re just an idiot reading somebody else’s empty words from a post-it note.

Saying yes to life : saying yes to birth

I went to a talk with Godfrey Devreaux at the Red Earth Centre in Paris last week, and in this particular ‘lecture’ (he definitely wouldn’t call it a lecture!) Godfrey was discussing the notion that life has 2 basic instincts : ON / OFF, YES/NO, ENGAGE/RETREAT…

Whatever you name them, they are both manifestations of the 2 very simple human behaviours, that are at the basis of all life : our ability to either actively engage with life or to escape and retreat from it.

How can we apply this notion to Birth ?

It’s in this idea of « engaging or retreating » that I think we could really shake up birth, and I’m beggining to experiment with it in my Prenatal Yoga & Hypnobirthing work….

Summed up simply, it can be expressed as « SAYING YES TO LIFE »

SAYING YES TO LIFE IS ESSENTIALLY SAYING YES TO EVERYTHING, EVEN TO FEAR.

It’s about saying yes to all of it : and not being scared to LIVE and FEEL and EXPERIENCE - all of it. Or as my mindfullness teacher « Ayala Gill » puts it : Welcoming life : Welcoming eveything.

Saying yes to all of our emotions : good, bad, gentle, tough…and accepting them all as a a necessary & inevitable part of life’s rich tapestry….

Because if we don’t say YES – if don’t welcome them ALL - then we are in a constant state of ‘NO’ or RETREAT – a perpetual state of rejection, deception, escape and avoidance…fear.

This brings us full loop back to my initial questions :

What if we weren’t afraid, ashamed, gagged, to feel – experience – and act? What if we weren’t afraid to really Love- ourselves, each other – and life??? Then What Would Birth Look Like ?

I think it would look like LOTS of women running round the street shouting YES YES YES to everything - like some kind of crazed state of perpetual orgasm !

Godfrey leaves me – US - with this interesting question, that I feel could sew the seeds of something revolutionary in birth, and it’s this:

WHEN WE SAY YES TO LIFE – really say yes to life - DO WE NOT ALSO SAY YES TO BIRTH ?