Joan Rivers vs Kristen Stewart

Joan Rivers wrote a new book. Have you seen the Joan Rivers documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work? I highly recommend. It’s pop culture required viewing. Not only because she’s funny and obnoxious and kind of crazy but because it gives you some idea of the HUSTLE of being semi-famous, the struggle that’s required just to maintain in Hollywood. Not get ahead…but maintain. It’s hard work to just STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

If you’ve seen the film, you have some understanding of what Joan Rivers is capable of, of what her motivation is – always. MONEY. She is a survivor. She will do what she can to survive, whatever it takes.

So, in this new book, there’s a joke. A mean joke. Joan writes:

“Many stars only do one thing well. Of course, the best one-trick-pony is Kristen Stewart, who got a whole career by being able to juggle a director’s balls.”

According to TMZ, the prologue of the book serves as a disclaimer for the content – it’s meant to be funny. Kristen Stewart didn’t think it was funny. And TMZ reports that her lawyer has threatened to sue for defamation.

Guess what?

Suddenly everyone knows Joan Rivers has a new book out.

Rookie move by Stewart’s people, non?

First of all, everyone knows that Joan’s sh-tty joke is patently untrue. Stewart was a major movie star before the Rupert Sanders cheating scandal. She’s been acting for most of her life. She’s not a f-cking Kardashian.

Second, going claw for claw against someone like Joan Rivers, when you’re Kristen Stewart, who can’t respond to a simple “How are you?” without shifting her eyes, is terrible strategy. Fighting is how Joan Rivers lives.

Third, seriously, you’re Kristen Stewart. You’re 24 years old. You’re in the sweet spot of Hollywood fame. You’re rich as f-ck. You’re working. You will continue to work. For a long, long time. While Joan Rivers, now 81 years old, is cobbling together everything she’s got, scraping at every opportunity, because there are so few opportunities. Look at this side by side photo. It’s ridiculous!

So why are you engaging that?

Why are you giving that your time?

What’s next? A Twitter fight with some Twi-Hard?

Jesus, are we back to this now? Stewart’s team showed piss poor crisis management two years ago when all that sh-t went down with that pathetic apology and the subsequent scramble that made everything exponentially worse. And this Joan Rivers situation wasn’t even a crisis. Had they let it go, nobody would have cared. But the moment they decided to do something about it on her behalf, the spotlight is back on the reluctant star, for the dumbest reason ever.

Think of it this way – for all the times that Chelsea Handler has ever gone on stage and called Angelina Jolie a c-nt and more, has the Jolie ever, ever, ever acknowledged?