I love Miami. Many of my conservative buddies can’t figure out why I moved here or why I stay.

I remind them quite often that Miami does have its perks: - The weather during the late fall through early spring is dreamy. - It’s green and gorgeous all year round as opposed to your brown town. - Lincoln Road and Ocean Drive are two of the best zoos in the world. You’ll see more freaky critters on those two avenues than you will at the most exotic zoo in Dubai. - The Atlantic Ocean down here is stunning, and we have first-class beaches. - We have superlative sport fishing—and I have the pictures to prove it. - And there’s never a dull moment during any state or national election.

My pals come back at me with stuff like: - It’s stupid hot down there in the summer. - It’s expensive to live in SoFla. - It’s vice-laden. - The Marlins and the Dolphins suck. Yeah? But what about the Heat? - Honkies are in the minority. You’d better get used to “se habla español” or you’re “se habla” screwed. - Miami has the worst traffic known to mankind. - Hurricanes use Florida as a hacky sack before they fish slap the rest of the 57 states, as Obama calls them. - And it’s the first place where zombies have manifested in this pre-apocalyptic time period.
Look, I can stomach the heat, hurricanes, congested highways and the perennial pusillanimous Dolphins, but they’ve got a point with the zombies.

Zombies … you’ve got to go.

Most folks are now familiar with Miami’s 2012 Memorial Day flesh eater, Rudy Eugene, who, high on bath salts, chewed the face off a 65-year-old homeless dude in broad daylight on the MacArthur Causeway. It took six rounds from an officer to take him down.

Last Saturday (6/2/12) we had another wannabe zombie. During an altercation at a Boston Market, Brandon De Leon told a Miami Dade policeman to “eff off,” violently resisted arrest and threatened to “eat” the cop just before he got tased and muzzled. Toxicology reports showed that the wannabe zombie was tripping on “Cloud 9,” a type of bath salts, plus Xanax and ganja, and his blood-alcohol level was a hefty 0.29.

Y’know, bullet manufacturer Steve Hornady might have developed a zombie product line of cartridges as a goof and a homage to his love for zombie flicks, but given these two twisted crimes he might have stumbled onto something.

Now, before lathered-up critics start laughing at the thought that I think the undead are a legit concern for us mortals to arm ourselves against, let me allay any fears and squelch that notion straight away. I don’t believe zombies are real, okay?

That said, when young adults move from drinking a Bud Light and minding their own business to snorting Calgon and eating human flesh, zombie or not … Houston, we have a problem. Apparently, now we can’t stroll MacArthur Causeway or go to Boston Market for a chicken pot pie with a side of garlicky lemon spinach without some Slingblade trying to eat our face.

For personal defense I think I’ll rock it old school with an S&W 29 .44 Magnum with a 6.5-inch barrel. Not the most concealable, but OMG is she gorgeous when drawn.

My load of choice? Well, I’ve seen over and over what Barnes’ X-Bullets do to animals when hunting in the field, so I think I’ll chamber my S&W with Barnes’ XPB FBs in the 225 gr. option. I doubt the criminal cranking on Bed, Bath & Beyond’s best could take one of these to the vitals and continue to feel invincible. Indeed, they create quite the terminal wound channel; it’s about the size of your fist (FYI zombies).

For home defense I’m going to stick with the ultimate zombie zapper, the 12-gauge pump riot gun stuffed to the hilt with three-inch yummy magnums.

Man, oh man. Is this a zombie stopper, or what? I won’t tell you what I intend to do with these sweeties at the house … that’ll be just for me and the zombie dumb enough to cross the sacred threshold of my dwelling.

As for all these various self-defense scenarios my family might encounter, we will practice, practice, practice double tapping center mass at the target range at different angles and in different situations until we become zombie flawless. Yes, practice makes perfect, and I want my kin to get to a place where we don’t care if someone is straight tripping on Herbal Essence’s finest; it will be hard for him to eat our cheek meat with a fist-sized wound channel through his heart and one through his lungs.

In Doug’s world the innocent person should live and the attacking bath salt zombie should die.

There’s been a lot of talk lately in the prepper world about how to prepare for the collapse of the U.S. dollar. But the fact is, if you are attacked by a zombie, it won’t matter how much gold you have. “Zombie apocalypse” continues to be one of the most popular searches on the Web. In the event that zombies start running amuck, here are some things you might want to have handy.

Deer Repellent

According to Westlake Ace Hardware, deer repellent has been known to deter zombies. Cover your tracks and you might be able to prevent an encounter with a zombie.

Zombie Bullets

In the event that you come face to face with a zombie, zombie bullets made by Hornady will give you the edge you need. The product includes the following disclaimer:

Hornady® Zombie Max™ ammunition is NOT a toy (IT IS LIVE AMMUNITION), but is intended only to be used on…ZOMBIES, also known as the living dead, undead, etc. No human being, plant, animal, vegetable or mineral should ever be shot with Hornady® Zombie Max™ ammunition. Again, we repeat, Hornady® Zombie Max™ ammunition is for use on ZOMBIES ONLY, and that’s not a nickname, phrase or cute way of referring to anybody, place or thing. When we say Zombies, we mean…ZOMBIES!

Blow Torch

You should always have a backup weapon. If you run out of zombie bullets, a blow torch can be used as an ancillary mode of defense. Zombies move slowly, making a blow torch an effective means of protection. A blow torch has many other helpful uses. Fire comes in handy when in a survival situation.

Low Beam Flashlight

Zombies are attracted to light, so steer clear of lanterns and torches. Instead, opt for a low beam flashlight and use it sparingly.

A machete can be used for cutting limbs: those that belong to trees and zombies.

Bite Suit

If you have the money and the stamina, wearing a bite suit may be a viable option. Just be aware that bite suits do not typically cover the neck and head, a zombie’s favorite area.

Full-Face Helmet

Even if you don’t have a motorcycle, a helmet will still be helpful. A helmet combined with a bite suit will give you 100 percent protection from the mouths of the living dead.

The Zombie Survival Guide

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks will provide you with all the information you will need in the case of a zombie attack. With topics ranging from organization to clothing to transportation, Brooks will help walk you through the steps of survival.

Zombie Identification Chart

In the event of zombie attacks, people will become sickly. Zombies have been known to spread illness. It will be difficult to decipher between a sick human and a healthy zombie. Several zombie identification charts are available which will help you know the difference.

In the past two months, my family has been hit by several medical emergencies that could have been very serious and even fatal without medical help. Because my husband and I are both self-employed, we have no medical insurance. We pay for everything out of pocket. I have tried to get insurance three times and been denied because I had gestational diabetes 20 years ago. This was a wake-up call for me to figure out alternative ways to take care of our family in case of a disaster. What would we do if we needed medical help and there were no doctors available? That’s a scary thought.

It started off with my 33-year-old son going into surgery for what we were told was a goiter and found out was thyroid cancer. His medication has been changed several times to level out his thyroid levels. The worst part of it is the depression and mental side effects from the removal of his thyroid and the medication he is taking.

Our 2-year old grandson got strep and needed medical attention. He lay on the couch and cried for days. He was so miserable until I took him to the doctor and got antibiotics. I am a firm believer in toughing out colds, the flu and fevers. This episode was too serious.

My 20-year-old daughter spent a couple of months in the Philippines. When she returned home, she had strep and an E. coli infection. She needed antibiotics also.

About a month ago, I went to the doctor because I hadn’t been feeling well for about a year. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and I am now taking the pills recommended to bring my blood sugar levels down.

My husband, a licensed plumber, was fixing a pump in a creek that pumps water to a log cabin in the mountains. He moved a very large boulder off the lid of the pump and it slipped, smashing his finger so hard that a half-inch of it was cut off. There was no one else around, so he drove himself down the mountain to the hospital. He said his EMT skills saved his life. He was passing out while driving, so he used deep-breathing techniques he had learned. He needed antibiotics and pain meds as well as plastic surgery.

Plan AheadSomeday, you may find yourself without the ability to get medical care. Perhaps a life-or-death situation comes up. Prepare for this type of situation in advance by getting much-needed medical supplies and information as well as honing related skills. The medical kit on my husband’s plumbing van was inadequate for the blood loss he experienced. One accident could wipe out the entire medical supply kit. We must think out the worst possible scenarios and stock the medicals supplies necessary in case there were no doctors available.

I have several medical kits for our family. I am re-evaluating the kits and am going to add to them. What do we need to stockpile that is available and can be purchased ahead of time to be prepared for a medical emergency of any kind? I suggest you consult a doctor, physician’s assistant or a nurse on this subject. Ask what the most common accidents and illnesses are.

Emergency First-Aid Skills

We never know when an accident will happen to our loved ones or us. The most important thing you can do is learn first aid skills. Take a first-aid course or become an EMT.

Medical KitsMedical kits should include splints for broken bones, suture supplies for stitches, thermometers, blood pressure cuffs, hydrogen peroxide, antibacterial salves such as Neosporin and a good supply of bandages, gauze and medical tape.

ION (stabilized oxygen)ION should be included in every medical or first-aid kit. ION can be applied straight on a wound to clean and prevent the spread of bacterial infections. ION (stabilized oxygen) kills bacteria on contact. ION can be used medicinally as well by mixing 20 drops of ION in an 8-ounce cup of water. Drinking ION water will help knock out a cold or the flu immediately. ION goes into the bloodstream and gives the body the extra oxygen it needs to fight physical problems that might occur.

Stock Up On Over-The-Counter MedicinesWhen my grandson got strep we spent a lot of money at the clinic to learn this remedy.

For children as well as adults with a high fever, wipe them down with rubbing alcohol or apple cider vinegar to reduce fever. Bathing in a lukewarm bath and taking acetaminophen or ibuprofen alternately every four hours will reduce a high fever also. It is important to stock up on over-the-counter medications.

Redmond ClayThe Redmond Trading Co. packages a mineral-rich clay product that will detoxify the body. To pull toxins out of the body, get a tub big enough to soak both feet in. Fill it with hot water and add 2 tablespoons of Redmond Clay to the water. Mix it up well and soak your feet in it for half an hour. The clay will pull toxins out of the body and into the water. It really helps when someone is ill and needs to detoxify.

I like to mix the clay with a little water into a mud-like paste and use it on bruises, wounds, scrapes, cuts and especially burns. It takes the pain and sting out of burns instantly. I have used Redmond Clay for years and would not be without it in my medical kit. To learn more about Redmond Clay products, click here.

Kitchen Cupboard Medicines And Old-Fashioned Folk Remedies

Salt And Baking Soda BathA good old-fashioned salt and soda bath helps fight illnesses. Mix 1/4 cup each together and dissolve in a bathtub full of hot water. Soak for at least half an hour. This is not only a detox but is for relaxation also. The Redmond Trading Co. packages Real Salt, which is mineral rich and is a great salt, not only to consume but to use in salt baths and toothpaste as well.

ToothpasteA mixture of half baking soda and half salt can be used as toothpaste in an emergency. My grandmother and my mother brushed their teeth with baking soda and salt. It polishes the teeth and makes them pretty and bright. Add a few drops of hydrogen peroxide to the mixture, and your teeth will sparkle.

Bee Stings And Mosquito BitesMix a small amount of salt and soda together with a drop of water to form a salt paste. Put this mixture on bee stings and mosquito bites. Let it stay on until it dries. It takes the sting out of the bite. It also works on poison ivy abrasions and rashes.

Muscle CrampsReal Salt by Redmond Trading Co. will take away muscle cramps instantly. Just put a pinch of the mineral-rich salt in a small cup of water. Mix it and drink it. Redmond Trading Co. also has a product called Re-Lyte™ that is especially formulated for muscle cramping. I take liquid minerals when I feel a muscle cramp coming on. Taking calcium and magnesium together helps also.

DeodorantBaking soda can be used as a deodorant. Just pat some of the powder under your armpits, and it will absorb and neutralize perspiration.

Alkalize The BodyStudies have shown that if the body is in an alkaline state that disease in the body will be neutralized. Mix baking soda and water together and drink. This helps with acid reflux and indigestion as well.

Magic Mustard Plaster RecipeWhen someone was suffering from a chest cold with congestion and sore throat, my grandmother mixed up a mustard plaster and put it on the person’s chest, covered with plastic wrap or a rag.1/4 cup flour
1.5 teaspoons dry mustard
3 tablespoons olive, almond or vegetable oilMix a small amount of water into the dry ingredients. Add more water until it is thick like mud and spreadable like a paste. Plaster it on the sick person’s chest, covering it with plastic wrap or a rag. Have the person lie still while the plaster does its magic.

Itching BitesRubbing alcohol mixed with a little crushed aspirin will make a paste that takes the itch out of bites. The aspirin takes the pain away, and the alcohol soothes it.

AntibacterialHoney has antibacterial properties and will promote healing. Cool then apply the honey and cover the area with dry dressing.

LaxativeHoney also has mildly laxative properties. Start by taking a tablespoon three times a day or add to foods or drinks.

CoughingCombine 1/2 cup honey and 4 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar in a small bowl. You can slightly warm it up to get it to dissolve. Take 1 tablespoon every time you feel like coughing. It will soothe the throat and stop a cough.Or take rubbing alcohol from the medical kit and soak a lightweight rag in it. Wrap the rag around the neck of the sick person to relieve cough and cold symptoms. My grandmother use to make us go to bed with this on our throats. It reduces fever and cools the body as well as knocks out the cough.

Sore throatHoney and lemon in equal portions mixed together will sooth a sore throat. Combine 1 tablespoon of each and gargle with it.Or make a solution of 1 teaspoon salt to ½ cup water. Dissolve and gargle with the salt water. It helps a sore throat.

BurnsPut honey on a burn and put a bandage over it or use plastic wrap to keep it moist.

BleedingCayenne pepper is also known as capsicum. Put 1/8 teaspoon of cayenne pepper in a glass of hot water and drink it. It is hot and might be hard to swallow, but do it anyway. This works because the cayenne travels through the entire circulatory system and regulates blood pressure. Cayenne pepper is noted for its ability to stop both internal and external bleeding.

When used as a poultice, it will stop bleeding. Just take a small amount of cayenne pepper and put it right on a wound that is bleeding. If taken internally, it can help someone that is having a heart attack or stroke symptoms because it dilates the blood vessels and helps open up the blood flow. (Note: The person still should go to the hospital.) This must be taken internally as a drink.

If someone is in shock, they may not be willing to take cayenne pepper. Try to get it down the person. I keep cayenne pepper oil in my medical kit because it can be used under the tongue and is easier to take.

Cayenne Lemonade This drink is used to cleanse the body. Drink this every day and your health will improve.6.5 cups water
1/2 cup fresh-squeezed lemon juice
1/2 cup maple syrup (grade B) from the health food store
1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon of cayenne pepperMix well and sip on this drink all day. This recipe will make 7.5 cups. Drink 2.5 cups per day. This recipe will last for three days. Keep refrigerated.

AntibioticMake a poultice with chopped garlic and onions. Put them on the bottom of a sick person’s feet, wrapped with plastic wrap to hold it in place. Leave it on all night so the poultice has a chance to pull the toxins out of the feet. Feed the sick person soup made with lots of onions and garlic. This will help them feel better.

EaracheUsing a garlic press or a blender, mix 2 cloves of garlic in a blender with a drop of water or smash it. Put the garlic juice on a cotton ball and stick it in the ear that is hurting. Garlic has antibacterial properties.

Boost The Immune SystemEating yogurt will put friendly bacteria into the intestinal track. These active cultures are friendly to the gut and are needed to boost the immune system and ward off bacterial infections such as colds and flu.

SprainsSoak the outer leaves of cabbage or lettuce in warm water, then wrap several layers around the sprain and tie it up with a rag or plastic wrap. Go to sleep with it wrapped. It helps the sprain heal faster.

Upset StomachI always have peppermint tea leaves on hand to make herbal peppermint tea for an upset stomach. Take a heaping tablespoon of peppermint tea leaf or one tea bag of peppermint tea and steep it in boiling water then add a little sweetener. Seriously diluted peppermint oil also helps with an upset stomach and with colic in babies. Put 1-2 drops in an 8-ounce baby bottle of purified water. Let the baby sip the peppermint water or the tea and it will help an upset stomach within minutes.

Electrolyte BalanceCombine 1 cup of raw rice or barley and 1 quart of boiling water. Let it steep for 20 minutes. Strain the water and drink it. This will help restore electrolyte balance and feel good on the tummy. Barley water is a great substitute for coffee and does not have the tannic acid.

Food PoisoningEat a piece of burned toast and drink a cup of black tea. This may absorb some of the food poisoning and help settle the stomach.

ToothacheClove oil helps with toothache. Soak cloves in water. When they are soft, chew them up a little and pack them between the tooth that hurts and the gum for at least a half hour.

Dehydration

Combine the following ingredients together and make an electrolyte drink to restore the body fluids lost with throwing up or diarrhea. Drink 1/2 cup at a time every few hours until you feel better.4 cups water
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3 tablespoons of honey or sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt

To learn more about kitchen cupboard medicine and old-fashioned folk remedies, check out the book Cookin’ With Home Storage as well as information on how to purchase ION, Redmond Trading Co. products and many other great emergency-preparedness products. Click here.–Peggy Layton

Editor’s Note: Information in this article is for educational purposes only. Always consult with a qualified medical physician. ION has had many great results and has testimonials from many satisfied customers; however, is not intended to treat any medical condition. It is sold only as a dietary supplement or water treatment.

While many refuse to believe that it can happen, evidence for why it is absolutely critical to stock up for hard times and worst case scenarios is and has been staring us in the face for the last several years (never mind the thousands of years of historical precedent).

The latest warning signs are, once again, popping up in Europe and should be taken seriously, as it is only a matter of time before such events play out in the rest of the world, including right here at home:

Peter Giordano, Adiconsum: “Grave of the Bank of Italy’s attitude that takes action without considering the impact on depositors, and especially on single-income families and pensioners”

The Bank of Italy authorized the suspension of payments by Bank Network Investments SpA (BNI) without communicating anything to the depositors.

Very serious and unacceptable – says Peter Jordan, Secretary General Adiconsum – the attitude of the Bank of Italy SpA in each BNI, because highly prejudicial to the interests of customers.

Bank of Italy, in fact, after extending the receivership of the bank, thus giving the impression of an imminent rescue, then gave the green light for compulsory winding up, without giving any prior notice to the depositors, leaving them in no condition to perform any type of operation, even basic ones for daily survival, such as withdrawals / payments, utilities payments, rates, taxes.

This is not an isolated incident and we have, in fact, seen a similar scenario play out right here in America in the recent past with the collapse of Indymac bank (no affiliation with SHTFplan Mac), which left depositors without any way of accessing funds. The same happened across the pond in the UK with the collapse of Northern Rock.

Anxious customers wait to get their funds all over IndyMac banks in California after regulators took control in July of 2008:

Thousands all over the UK headed straight for Northern Rock Bank once they learned it was no longer solvent in 2007:

We have enjoyed relative stability in our banking system since the crash of 2008 as the Federal Reserve has pumped out trillions of dollars in funds to save banks that are, by all accounts, totally insolvent already.

With the collapse of Europe now upon us and a similar disaster awaiting the United States in the next couple of years as our debts (private and public) exceed our abilities to repay them, we can fully expect “bank holidays” across the entire country.There are those who may argue that these are the ramblings of a fear monger, but make no mistake, a nationwide bank holiday was already considered in the United States – and no, we’re not talking about Franklin Roosevelt’s closing of the banks in the 1930′s.

When? On the very first day, as the very first action of the new Obama administration in January of 2009.

Things got so bad after the financial and economic collapse of 2008 that the entire system as we know it was about to go under.So much so, that Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson reportedly warned congressional members that if no bailout was passed in November of 2008 that the government would literally have been forced to declare martial law.

That was nearly four years ago. And, as we well know now, not a single thing has been done to resolve the fundamental problems we faced then.

We are now so far gone that there is a real possibility that the next phase of this crisis – which is near critical in Europe now and will soon come to the United States – will be totally out of control of the government and central banks, which will leave them no other option but to shut down the banks before we have Great Depression style bank runs.

While we realize the mainstream media and the majority of Americans believe it to be an impossibility that they would not have access to their bank funds, online bill pay systems, or ATM’s, we’ll play devil’s advocate and suggest such an event may actually occur.

What if banks were closed?

And what if when they reopened again your dollar was worth much less than when they closed for business?

How would you even get to the grocery store with your devalued dollars after economic martial law was declared and gas prices were so high you couldn’t afford them or gas itself wasn’t even available at your local gas station?

Are you planning on the National Guard giving you a ride?

Then again, this is America, and we have a centrally planned economy, so there is no way this is going to happen.