It’s so big that you can’t really face it. You hide your face behind sunglasses but you can’t stop tears floating on your face. When you look into the mirror at home, your face is covered with black trails. You’re dully looking dully straight ahead in the metro, all emotions of the world are penetrate your body. Anger, sadness, disappointment, desperation, doubtfulness. You feel like a child learning that his birthday party has been taken away. It was supposed to happen and suddenly it was canceled. For an unlimited period of time. And you don’t know how to deal with it. You didn’t feel such a huge amount of stress for a very long time already, seriously. When stomach is in knots and the there is pain the the heart. Just physical pain. When tears are trickling incessantly from behind tightened eyelids. It mobilises but doesn’t give a miss. When you are flabbergasted by fear. You don’t know how and with whom to share it. Every solution seems equally good and equally bad. So you choose them all at once. You write emails, messages, you call wherever you can think of. You have to wait. Another twenty four and a half hour. How to survive this time of uncertainty. You prepare plan b. And actually plan c as well. An then comes this guy, out of nowhere, and attacks. You have no strength, no strength to fight him. So you leave it. You let him think that he is right, if this is what he needs to feel. And those callings for help coming from different sides, to which you are unable to react. You make as much as you can, but it’s never enough. When would it be enough? You try so much, so much. Why nobody can see it. See it yourself. Appreciate your own effort. Look at yourself with love. Lapses happen. So what. Hug yourself. Be good for yourself when the world is bad for you. Don’t whip yourself additionally. You can do more together, right? You and you vs world. Not you vs you and you vs world. There is still time, you can do it, I believe in you.