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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Sweater: Old Navy | Shorts: Target | Sandals: Target | Earrings: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... or '08 when I studied abroad and spent twice on them what I should have because of the exchange rate

...but that requires counting syllables and math is just not my strong suit. Seriously. I have references.

But have I mentioned (like in the last week) how much I love you guys? Because I should. Between my last post and this post you've made me feel better about basically all of my problems, shopaholic and existential. I hereby award you all honorary life counselor certificates! (Aaaaand now you all know how it feels to be me and have a worthless degree you can't use. Bazinga!)

I started taking pictures of all of my clothes today (holy MOTHER I've been hoarding) and I'll let you know as I post things. I'm going to start with just posting them here on the blog so we can try to avoid selling fees and shipping costs and make it as cheap as possible. Whatever's still around in a few weeks heads over to Poshmark and eBay!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Since I can't hold down a job and memorize everything from the last three years of law school at the same time, I'm having a closet sale over the next few weeks! How do you guys sell your clothes? I usually use eBay, but I also have Poshmark (I've never made a sale through Poshmark, but I like the idea). What do you prefer? Is there some other site I'm missing?

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Welcome to a whole post of big, shiny, awesome things that my negative income and I can only lust over! I'd be adding every one of these to my collection righthisverysecond if I could. What's your fave?

Remember the Equipment dupe in this post? And how I'm obsessed with said dupes and wore them in this post(which reminds me, I owe you guys pickup lines. THEY'RE AWESOME) and yesterday's post? Weeeeeell, they're on sale!And Kohl's sent me a code to offer you guys an extra 10% off - use BLOGGER10 until July 11th. I know. Go forth and dupe.

Also, finally found a bag big enough to hold my bar books AND my random assortment of girl-cessities AND it came with a pretty matching laptop case. I feel a little Legally Blonde with a bright pink bag... oh, you're studying for the bar exam? What, like it's hard? I need a little dog accessory STAT.

Friday, June 21, 2013

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marianne Williamson, as adapted in Coach Carter, as you other sports movie junkies surely know

So I bounced out on blogging for a few days (hand slap!) but I needed a happy break and that break came in the form of Six Flags and a Cards/Cubs game, which is funny because I hate roller coasters (not an unfounded fear - just ask Fabio) and I could not possibly follow baseball less, but who am I to say no to psychological torture?

And the funny part is, after I literally kind of cried on a kiddy coaster, it was awesome. (Before you ask, yes, I eventually graduated to big kid rides. I IS AN ADULTZ) Which means I've spent the better part of my life being afraid of something that I'm not afraid of anymore. That is neat.

My life is a whole giant collection of fears right now. That I won't pass the bar, that I cannot memorize all of this shit because there is simply not enough room in my brain, that even if I do pass I won't find a job, that even if I do find a job I won't ever make enough to see the day I'm not in debt, that I'll never be happy, that I'll end up having to admit defeat and go crawling back to my parents' place.

I have no idea when this shit started. I've spent twenty five years not being a failure and I don't have any pressing plans to start now, so I have no idea why I've been setting the bar so low or why I let law school convince me that I'm not going to end up in a life that I like. That's not law school's decision, that's mine.

And so it is with two middle fingers enthusiastically aimed at the bar exam and the employment market that I enter the next 38 days of my life.

Y'all, we blew up on Pinterest yesterday. Hi everyone, if you're still around! If you came looking for a tutorial for this post, hi, I'm Sam, welcome to my life... we're crossing our fingers for being able to start sewing again after the bar exam. (We're also crossing our fingers that I don't sew my actual fingers. Again.)

So do you guys hate the exposed zipper thing as much as I do, or are you into it? It's cool if you're into it, this is a safe space. And since it's a safe space I can tell you that exposed zippers make me want to gently apply a fork to someones eyeball region.

They're dying off a little now, but if you're also part of the fork-in-eyeball camp and you come across a skirt or dress that is otherwise delightful except for the fact that someone put the zipper in inside out, don't despair! Size up, take it to a tailor, and have them put in a normal zipper (you need to go up a size to make sure they have enough extra material to replace the zipper with an invisible one). I know, it's pretty commonsensical, but it blew my little mindhole and so I had to share.

Monday, June 17, 2013

...monokinis.
Seriously I should not be allowed to (try to) make puns. Don't encourage me.

Sometimes bikinis are great. Other times, (say, when barbecues, sand volleyball, water parks, or water sports are involved) it's nice to have a little extra coverage/insurance that your bikini bottoms aren't going to find themselves sinking to the bottom of the lake after a particularly nasty wave. True story. The good news is one pieces can still be fun - check out all that fringe! To be fair, there are a ton of super frigging hot black options floating around out there, but to me black kind of screams "I hate my body! Look! I'm wearing a one piece and it's black!" so I avoid it. Plus, come on. Leopard.

Since I found myself in need of a not-kini this week, I figured I'd share the fruits of my research (all under $100 cause I am the brokest of all the jokes) with y'all. What do you think, would you monokini it or are you a strictly two-piece kind of girl?

Sunday, June 16, 2013

... it's goin' fast aaaaand, I've got a friend named Chris who owns an actual nautical-themed pashmina afghan. (He wears it like a cape when we're all on boats, true story.)

I want to be more upset that I missed blogging yesterday and busted my "every day in June" streak, but I was eating Pizza Hut in the car and getting my first sunburn of the season and watching crappy westerns with my parents so it's hard to be too disappointed.

This shirt is literally all of my least favorite things in a shirt combined.

Dolman sleeves. I hate the baggy shirt/tight sleeve thing because it makes layering hard and I am pretty much always wearing a jacket of some type.

The color orange. I hate orange. I don't know why. When I'm shopping, if I see something orange, it's like a 99.8% no.

It has giant oversized horizontal stripes. Because that's slimming.

The neckline. It's just wide enough to make layering awkward but not wide enough to be a one-shoulder thing.

But for whatever reason, it's never even touched the donation pile in my every-other-weekly closet cleanouts. I love this shirt. I would go so far as to call it my favorite shirt, except I don't really wear it as much as I wear my other shirts because it's not really as versatile. Do you guys have clothes like this or is it strictly a Sam thing?

YOU GUYS I GOT ROLLERBLADES. For whatever reason I feel like I remember the Pink Ranger rollerblading in one episode or another, so I kind of feel like 8-year-old Sam's dreams have all come true.

If the title makes no sense to you, congratulations, you are a normal human being who spends a healthy amount of time away from the interwebz. If you interpreted it perfectly on the first try... welcome to my life.

Sorry I haven't responded to so many of your emails and comments! I'm swamped! I'm not ignoring you and I will get back to you soon soon soon.

Today's challenge made me laugh. Mostly the use of the word bullet. MY ENTIRE SUMMER IS ONE GIANT BULLET WITH "ILLINOIS BAR EXAM" WRITTEN ON IT.

Ready for the excitement? Got your defibrillator ready? Are you sitting down?

The Daily Schedule of The Most Interesting Woman In The World

- 6:30 Wake up, snooze the alarm, stare at the ceiling for awhile, squeeze my eyes shut and try really hard to fall asleep and wake up in August

- 6:45 Open one eye and admit it's not working, vow to try again tomorrow

- 7:00 Roll/crawl/complain out of bed

- 7:30 Walk the nuggets

- 8:00 Shower or at least make my hair look like I tried (which is difficult because I'm trying to go no-heat for the entire month of June, hence why I look like Chewbacca)

- 8:30 Take outfit pics, try to remember to smile to avoid the Craigslist Killer effect

- 8:45 Head to Starbucks, rotating between two different ones so I'm not technically a "regular"

- 9:00 to 3:00ish Listen to the lecture, take notes, pause way too often for Facebook chatting and group texting, debate going to buy lunch, remember I'm poor and eat a Clif bar instead, Snapchat each other pictures of our professors with horns and mustaches drawn on, make up names and backstories for everyone in Starbucks

- 3:00 Head home, do practice questions

- 6:00 Eat dinner, glare at dad when he asks if I fell in love with anyone at Starbucks today

Monday, June 10, 2013

Not my favorite outfit... but such is life when you're getting dressed half asleep. In other news: I MADE IT TO GOLD LEVEL AT STARBUCKS! I trust you all to display the appropriate amount of enthusiasm over this huge accomplishment... unlike my mother. I had to coach her.

Blog Challenge Day 11: Put your iPod on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs.

God this makes me miss my little clip-on iPod shuffle. I had the blue one. Anyway, since I've given up on iTunes in favor of Spotify, and Spotify is endless, and since this isn't a music blog... here are the first five songs to pop up on shuffle off my Spotify study playlist.

My Old Man's Son - Eli Young Band

My dad called me his son when I was little because I played sports and I wasn't really into girl things for a long time. Also, you know, the "Sam" thing. I still get mail addressed to "Mr. Sam... " So I love this song extra lots.

Overjoyed - Matchbox Twenty

I'm Alive - Kenny Chesney & Dave Matthews

Free Fallin' - John Mayer

What Makes You Beautiful - Boyce Avenue

I love acoustic versions and I love cover bands. It's the trifecta. Only it's just two things so it's a... difecta?

Oh I've got this. I've actually got it times three. (Three years in law school leaves you a lot of time for pondering all the things you wish you were doing instead.)

In undergrad, I was co-social chair for my sorority. IT WAS A BLAST. And when I wasn't planning formals (God, I miss formal dresses... worst part of growing up for sure) and mixers, we were throwing theme parties in my basement. So I'd for sure pick event planning. I love picking out themes and place settings and favors and venues and drink menus. My OCD looooooves having that many details to keep track of. I watch a lot of Say Yes To The Dress and Four Weddings and My Fair Wedding. Like an obscene amount. Planning is my jam.

Know what else I watch an insane amount of? HGTV. My iPad magazine subscriptions are as follows: Cosmo/Lucky/Glamour/Stylewatch, Self and Shape and Women's Health, House Beautiful and every design mag like it. I have like seven Pinterest boards on my personal account dedicated to interiors. I'm obsessed! Plus, there's really nothing I love more than going shopping for pillow/curtain fabric. I can't wait to have an apartment with an indefinite-ish timeframe so I can actually get down to decorating. So interior design would be next on the list.

Finally... this is a biggie... I'm hoping to retire by like 35 and start a cupcake truck. I haven't found my niche market yet but I feel like it's going to be a midday cupcake and booze break kind of thing. A shot of Jack and a spice cupcake for all! Baked goods actually make great chasers. Shot of vodka, glazed donut, thank me later. That or else some kind of late night drunk food situation. There's a grilled cheese truck at law school that cleans up. Can you imagine any better 4am snack than a buffalo chicken grilled cheese? Thought not. But I'm a cupcake girl at heart, so I don't know.

Unrelated: blogging sometimes makes me wonder if four-year-old Sam still lives in my head and takes over when I get dressed in the morning. Camo, leopard, and what can only be described as "a Valentine's Day carnival of ikat"? That's a pretty obvious middle finger for every time I wasn't allowed to go to school in a Halloween costume. So long as my daddy issues manifest themselves as ridiculous print-mixing and not changing my name to Kitty and working at a gentleman's club by the airport I guess I'll shut up and count my blessings.

And bonus, like I tweeted yesterday, one of the baristas (baristos?!) at the Starbucks I was studying at came over and told me how much he liked my pants. I know sometimes we're all convinced that every guy we know hates every outfit we wear... THERE'S HOPE FOR BOYS, YOU GUYS. There is hope.

Cardi: Target | Tee: Old Navy | Bead bracelet: F21, I think

Here's how I almost wore it. I chickened out on the purple pattern with the red/pink pants. Now I sort of which I'd sucked it up. Verdict?

Saturday, June 8, 2013

In the end, I couldn't resist the urge to match my shoes to my lipstick, but it took an embarrassing amount of time to make up my mind. What shoes would you guys have gone with?

Blog Challenge Day 8: Describe a time when you felt satisfied with your life.

Satisfied isn't a word I throw around. I don't like the idea of being satisfied, at least not yet. If I'm satisfied at 25, I either won the lotto and my disgusting shoe collection and I are on a permanent tour of the world or I'm juuuuust not quite reaching high enough.

#shortpost beeeecaaaause one of my besties texted me yesterday like OH HAI GIRL WANNA GO TO SOME CRAYCRAY WEIGHTS AND ABS CLASS IN THE MORNING? and of course I said yes because that's what you do when someone makes you an offer you can't refuse. If you don't hear from me for awhile, I can't move my arms. Send LifeAlert.

I don't know why, but I was entertained by incredibly simple things as a kid. (I wrapped up the Contracts portion of bar study today and that statement feels an awful lot like fraudulent misrepresentation... I'm still entertained by incredibly simple things. Like this for example. Legal peeps: search for "torts" and get ready to giggle.)

One year for Christmas, my grandpa got me a box of Scotch tape because he was sick of me taking all of his tape and making tape balls. I was psyched. And in an event still commonly referred to as Boxgate, my dad threw away the box from the big-screen TV he bought for the Superbowl that I'd been playing house in for a week without checking to make sure none of my toys were inside. ALL OF MY TOYS WERE INSIDE. Including the giant stuffed bulldog I won from the claw machine at K-Mart when my mom finally gave in and let me play, thinking that if I lost once I'd lose interest. A note to all the parents out there: if you spend a month telling your kid they will lose at the claw machine and then give them a quarter, THEY WILL WIN AT THE CLAW MACHINE. And you will lose a lot more quarters.

Oh, and that baby doll that you actually fed and then it actually pooped. I had one of those too.

Please forgive the god awful pictures I've been throwing at you lately. Yesterday I left for Starbucks (free wifi + not being at home + unlimited supply of coffee = my bar study location of choice) at like 7:45, so the light was bad and I was in a hurry to be productive so I just gave up.

Someday my nice camera will come out of storage and this will all be a bad memory.

Today is not that day.

Blog Challenge Day 6: Discuss your zodiac sign.

I'm an Aquarius. At least I used to be. Didn't they invent some new sign and displace everyone or something? Whatever. You know what they say, you can take the water-bearer out of the girl...

(No one says that.)

So anyway I Horoscope.com'd that ish and y'all should just settle in and get to know me too well.

Symbol: The Water Bearer

Element: Air

Group: Theoretical

Polarity: Positive (post-noon)

Favorable Colors: Turquoise

Chinese Counterpart: Tiger

Ruling Planet: Uranus (I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING), Saturn

House Ruled: Eleventh

Opposite Sign: Leo

Lucky Gem: Turquoise

Period: Jan 20 - Feb 18

Aquarius Personality:

Aquarians present themselves in one of two ways. One on hand, you’ll see someone who is shy, and quiet. On the other, an Aquarian can be boisterous, eccentric, and energetic. Both are deep thinkers with a love of helping others. Highly intellectual, this is a sign of fierce independence that prizes intuition tempered with logic. Both personality types have an uncanny ability to see both sides of an argument without prejudice, making them excellent problem-solvers. While very much attuned to the energies around them, Aquarians have a deep need to take time out alone and away to rejuvenate themselves. The keyword for this sign is imagination. The Aquarian can see a world of possibilities even when there appears to be none.

Strengths:

Progressive, original, humanitarian (if by "humanitarian" you mean "harbors a strong dislike for most humans"), independent.

Good looks, beautiful eyes, angular faces, thin build. (I feel like Horoscope.com just awkwardly tried to pick me up at a bar. Or in front of like Walmart)

Likes:

Fun with friends, fighting for causes, helping others, intellectual conversation, a good listener.

Dislikes:

Limitations, being lonely, broken promises, dull or boring situations, people who disagree with them. (I'm sorry, does ANYONE like these things?)

Best environment:

Any gathering of people to exchange ideas. (So long as they're my ideas.)

Also, this is my "wellness" horoscope for today. Methinks someone saw me down those eight graham cracker cookies last night:

There is no one in charge of your diet but you. Dieting does not mean "losing weight" - it means knowing what and when is best for you to eat. It means resting so that your internal organs get a break, and organizing your eating schedule so that they work most efficiently. Fundamentally, your diet is something you should enjoy. The power you have to look your best rests in your diet.

So I suck at the Blog Challenge in terms of following the prompts but I've already blogged as much in June than I did in May, so I still get a gold star right? RIGHT?!

I have a problem, guys. And I often forget that I have a wealth of smart amazing wonderful pretty internet Yodas with great shoes to guide me in times like this, so realistically this is a post I should have written like a month ago.

You may remember me saying that I was taking the bar exam in Texas. That was true. It is no longer true. Due to a couple of turns of events and a few (okay mostly one, who also happens to be one of the only people who knows about this blog and also happens to be my future roomie - HI PJR!) very persuasive friends, I'm headed to CHICAAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! In August.

I could not possibly be more excited. I also could not possibly be more terrified at the prospect of having to find an apartment/townhouse/liveable structure of any kind that will accept a 75lb German Shepherd and a 50lb Husky.

Do any of you know people who live in Chicago with restricted breeds? Do any of you live in Chicago with restricted breeds? Did you use some kind of apartment-finding service that totally worked and was totally amazeballs? Do you know any landlords or management companies who like dogs? Do you know anyone who needs a subletter? By "in Chicago," we're looking in Lincoln Park and Lakeview and Wicker Park and generally that sort of northern area. (I am such a n00b. Teach me about this magical Chicago place!) Anyone and anywhere you can point me to would be a huge, huge stresskiller. I would love you forever and should you end up being the reason I'm not living under a bridge I will take you out for pizza and cupcakes and whiskey as soon as I get there. And get a job. (That's a whooooole different post for another day.)

But yeah. Shoot me an email if you have any tips. Or a tweet, or a comment, or whatever makes you happy. Y'all are in charge here. You had roughly 1.2 billion helpful things to say about Tejas (and I never use hyperbole) and I've got my fingers crossed that you're just as knowledgable about the great white north.

My Blog Challenge prompt for the day was about religion, except I don't really have anything profound or even all that intelligent to say on the topic, and this is supposed to be a blog about frivolity. So instead: airquote investment pieces end airquote!

These aren't investment pieces in the usual "little black dress, white oxford shirt, nude pumps" kind of way. These are Samvestment pieces, if you will; (God semicolons are so douchey, sorry guys) random crap that found me by accident and somehow ended up getting worn more than the dark wash jeans and the black blazer. The best part is that some of them cost me less than a movie ticket and some of them... meant that I ate a lot of Ramen. You can just never tell.

Without further ado: Five of the Most Worn Things in my Closet That You'll Never See On A "Top 100 Pieces" List

The Color-Changing Sequin Party DressBCBGMAXAZRIA Marta dress

Otherwise known as The Vegas Dress. I wore it to Vegas, I wore it to my friend's wedding shower, I wore it under a blazer and a pencil skirt, I wore it on our spring break cruise, I'll wear it every time I ever go back to Vegas and probably on New Year's Eve. The elbow-length sleeves and actually respectable hemline make it feel not too showgirly and the all-effing-over sequins make it feel just showgirly enough.

I bought both of these on a whim at the outlet mall and for whatever reason, I reach for them constantly. Maybe it's because I grew up in Kansas. Maybe it's because I like that they're a little bit boyish, and I'm pretty damn bro-ey myself. I have yet to find other clothes that they don't play nicely with, and that's a quality that I both deeply admire and deeply lack.

The Lime Green Quilted Moto ClutchBCBGMAXAZRIA

This guy. You might remember that I bought him in one of my Hulk-like states of shopping rage/amnesia (BUY ALL THE THINGS!) and cut the tags off before Fiscally Responsible Sam could rear her rarely-seen head. Bit of a hermit, that one. I made up for paying a month's worth of groceries for it by carrying it every day for two months and even now, almost every time I go out. It's just big enough to hold all my stuff, keeps my hands free for juggling and arm-wrestling and all those other things normal people do at bars, and stands out in a sea of black chain-strap crossbodies.

The Giant Emerald Green EarringsForever21

Button-down and jeans not feeling fancy enough? Giant green earrings. Feather mini and a blazer not feeling fancy enough? Giant green earrings. Pretty sure the only outfit I haven't worn these puppies with is a bikini... *lightbulb!*

Math isn't my jam, k? The only flats in my closet that could give my leopard babies (only not on this list because they DO show up on normal investment piece lists) a run for their money. It didn't hurt that they came to me in a dream (or a late-night online shopping spree, same thing) right after I saw the glitter Loubie flats on Pinterest. You know the ones.

Anyway, my point is this: do I love "clothes every girl should have in her closet" lists? Of course. Do I think you should probably spend a little more on things you'll wear forever? Talked me into it. But to me, an investment piece is something I'm going to love the shit out of and get Disneyland-level stoked about wearing every day. That's what clothes are supposed to do (besides, you know, cover your bits). That's the magic.

4. Talking loudly in public places. I'm looking at you, kid at Starbucks who just called every relative, friend, acquaintance, and one night stand in his address book to let them know he's got an interview with some BioMedicalNuclearScienceySmart company. Congratulations. Now go outside or shut the hell up before I shove my straw all the way in your eye socket.

Why is it that I love blogging, love reading all of your blogs, but HATE Insta and Facebook selfies? Why is that? It's not like I never duckface. It's not like I don't iPhone/mirror my outfit pics. Seriously I have like a visceral reaction to selfies and baby belly progress pics and OMG SONOGRAMS. I do not want to see your insides no matter what's growing there. In fact especially not if something's growing there. Even if that something is *objectively speaking* a miracle.

Whenever someone asks me this question (or hell, five years, or a month) my reflex is to say "a nonextradition country." Student loans are a bitchwhore of a mistress. But honestly at 35 I'd like to be debt-free. And no longer renting. And have a pitbull, and a car that's not the same one I've had since 2002. And be better at mornings, and manicures, and anger management.

Also, sorry I can't stop wearing these sandals. I actually even bought a backup pair for when I wear these out. They're SO FREAKING COMFORTABLE. And they're sparkly, and they go with everything, and they look exactly like those crazy expensive Cole Haan ones from a few seasons ago. I know we all kind of wear the same things sometimes, but these babies are worth it. Buy them and then send me cupcakes as a thank you.

Also also, if I still have green nail polish tomorrow, reach through your screen and pimp slap me.