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Real Men Don't Eat Your Chocolate

man answers phone that he is the king of his castle, but also sensitive when need be

Of course, men and women are equal. Totally. At least according to law, and in some sitcoms.

Men's groups have been around for decades now, exploring the definition of what it means to be a man, what his boundaries are, and aren't, and how far one can go. Well, expanding one's role is an inalienable right, and let's hear it for both sides! The Good Men Project is a plugged-in, up-to-date site, exploring these issues with transparency, and not too much banging on drums.

But as men become more "sensitive," and more apt to show those deep and weepy feelings, what about the tears? In The Crying Game, Dr. Audrey Nelson explains that boys and girls cry equally up to the age of 12. Okay, but let's look at men. How do you feel about this with men in your own relationships?

In other words, if (or when) he cries, does this turn you off? Personally, I don't mind discrete tears at a sad movie, but if there's loud bawling at the dinner table, for any reason whatsoever, there won't be any dessert.

If you feel like it, please share your thoughts about (or by) sensitive men in the comments.

I recognize that society views crying as a more feminine behaviour. However, personally my issue is not the gender who is crying but the cercumstance that led to the tears.

I am a 28 year old female who rarely cries unless over the loss of a loved one or feeling extremly depressed over a personal situation. Tears are an outlet to express the complicated and overwelming feelings from within.

Last year my boyfriend (at that time of 6 months) went through a number of difficult situations which included being used by a trusted friend, being away from his supportive family and academic hardship. The night he arrived back to the university residence he curled up beside me and cried. He had fallen into a temporary depression and the feelings escaped through tears. That night made our relationship closer as I respected him for expressing his emotions, felt as though this was a sign of how much he trusted me and I was driven by empathy to support him, even if it was only through holding him as he express these feelings.

However, tears which are shed (by either gender) for less personal reasons would be a turn off for me. Crying over spilt milk, a lost hockey game or because the person is excited to see their favorite rock singer..... I guess I would be less supportive.

I also agree with Anonymous. Thanks to Twitter and Facebook and drive-through therapy, we live a society that places little value on stoicism. I'm a paramedic so I may be a little more biased as to what circumstances allow an emotional response, but both my spouse and I believe that crying or losing your temper in public is a display of lack of self-control. I do realise there are some times where a public display of emotion is warranted, even expected i.e. funerals. My son was born 3 months early. The nurses expressed concerns over my lack of emotion. Crying right then and there would have been a huge deficit because there were medical decisions to be made. What I did at home, behind closed doors, is another story. In my profession, I see people cry all the time and not once has it been advantageous. Mind you, I am in emergency care. There is rarely time to give into crying fits when there are things to do and decisions to be made. It's difficult for me to get answers about someone's history or medical care when the family member is bawling.
In short, maybe women should take a page from The Book of Men. It may be more acceptable by society for a woman to cry, but rarely is it advantageous. Crying is a loss of control, akin to a temper-tantrum. If it were not a loss of control, people would not "take a deep breath" to control and avoid it. My son is nine now. I've told him repeatedly, one does not lose his temper in public, nor does one cry in public, but I assure you, when we get home, it will be my arms around him when the dams do break.

What one does in public is something else to consider. I'm a private person myself, so I tend to agree with you about behavior in public - it's partly what courtesy is about, too - it makes other people feel uncomfortable when it's a private situation.

Of course, in emergencies, is when people do tend to cry, so I have a lot more sympathy for it then, even though, as you say, it may not help fix the situation quickly.