Turns Out Dingos Really Take Babies, Australians Really Are Thieves

“Finally, after thirty years, we have evidence, collected in the wild, that the dingo took the baby,” said a forensic investigator. “What evidence, you ask? Why… ummm. All of the stuff that… you know on the tele how they find stuff later? That’s what we did, except we… found conclusive… excuse me.”

“So after all this time, a dingo did take her baby,” said an Australian. “Still doesn’t excuse the fact that they brought a baby on a camping trip in the wild. Why wasn’t that woman brought up on child endangeremnt charges?” As she took the pistol away from her toddler and handed him a beer, she added, “oh, right, we don’t have that here.”

The Australian Council of Thievery called the new conclusion “interesting”, “you know, we’re more than just pick-pockets and baby stealers. We have a rich history of song and dance. Granted, most of it is about pickpocketing or stealing babies, but it does exist” and “now let’s get drunk and rob some reporters.”

“How could they find anything that would add to this case?” asked an American. “It’s not like the dingo died and left a journal. As the Euro Zone collapses, as world economies tumble, as world political powers shift; the AP focuses on a thirty year old case that’s turned into a joke about Australians? Looks like a dingo took your journalistic integrity. See what I did there!”