Today’s Ask Reddit poses the question: “What did that ‘weird person’ at your school do?” in an attempt to suss out the Steve Urkels, Martha Dumptrucks and Screeches of the real world.

I always assumed that I was the “weird kid” of my school, since I was severely pigeon-toed, wore braces and thick glasses and was socially awkward in general until about 9th or 10th grade, at which point I quit the ugly ducking crap and rebelled through the latter half of high school and college. Compared to some of these freaks, though, I was about as normal as they come.

We had a “weird” kid, but he was mostly really awesome. He wore all green, every day. I saw his closet, it was like all the same plain green t shirt and green shorts, and then one green suit. It was like a cartoon sight gag. He had bright red hair, everybody said he was a leprechaun. Everytime he had to and wasn’t “forced to” (ie: PE clothes or whatever) he was in green, at dances he had a green tie.

We had a ‘serious problem’ in my secondary school with people eating their lunch in the girls’ bathroom stalls.

Initially it was just that they were littering, but the principal thought it was a ‘trend’ or social pressure or something, and took such personal offense to how unhygienic it was, that he made a rule against it, and undertook a whole campaign to stop it.

Turned out one of the more popular girls in school had a weird eating disorder, where she could only keep food down if she ate while she pooped.

And just like that, TLC is already furiously hard at work on their new docu-series, I Can Only Eat When I’m Pooping.

A kid with a glass eye who would take it out for $1 and walk up to ANYONE stick it to their shoulder and sweetly whisper “I’ve got my eye on you.” Needless to say we spent quite a few dollars on him.

My dad has a glass eye and I’ve heard stories that he used to take it out and put it in cocktails at parties. I’ve never seen him without it in, though, and I think at this point in life I would be traumatized.

There was a kid that sh*t his pants in class at my high school. He was kind of a bad kid, always in trouble, had a reputation with lots of teachers.

In this particular class the teacher wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom, assuming he was just trying to get out of class, well he begged and begged, telling her he was sick, but she didn’t buy it. She threatened to have him suspended if he walked out. It was summer, he was wearing shorts, it ran down his legs… Gasps of disgust and laughs of ridicule abound. He transferred schools.

Oh, dude. This poor kid. This is just so wrong. Teachers: Let your students go to the bathroom for the love of god.

On a brighter note, one not-too-strange kid was standing in the doorway of the bathroom. I was like, ‘Excuse me.’ He tilted his head sideways to face me and said, ‘Hang on.’ I tried to push past him and then I heard the tapping. It sounded like water dropping, but angrily.

I didn’t get too far before I realized he was pissing into the urinal from the doorway, about 6 feet away. It was the most skillful arching I’d ever seen. When he finished, I went into the bathroom and found 4 or 5 guys standing around there, cheering him on.

If there has ever been a better euphemism for “behind the scenes at Uproxx” then I don’t want to hear it.

We had a boy in 4th grade that was really, really into horses. I’ve heard people saying that every school has a girl obsessed with horses, but the only time I ever saw this it was a dude. He always brought a book bag full of horse dolls and would play with them at recess. Everyone thought he was weird but no one picked on him, thankfully.

Or as I like to call it, Bronies: Origin.

He wore a three-piece suit to school every day, without fail. He also claimed to be the actual creator of The Far Side, and that Gary Larson was just his pseudonym. Despite being visibly at least 25 years his junior. When asked to draw, say, a cow or something, he would scoff and say something in a language that he made up. He also once shaved half his head. The left half.

I can only hope and imagine that this kid grew up to be Skrillex.

She tried riding a chicken and killed it.

We were on a school trip to the countryside in middle school and there were some farm animals around, and I guess she just got it into her head that she could ride one of the chickens. She caught it, sat on it, and promptly squashed it. I suppose she panicked and tried to dispose of the body because all I remember is loads of people screaming and pointing up a tree, where the dead chicken was resting on a branch. She’d thrown it up there to hide the evidence but I guess someone had seen her do it and told everyone else.

I don’t even know what kind of punishment she got, I don’t think the teachers had ever had to discipline a kid for sitting on a chicken.

Hands down the most horrifying story so far. I don’t have much hope for whatever became of the girl who sat on a chicken to its death.

Wore a duct-tape tuxedo and stovepipe hat to prom, was denied entrance. Came back in a spaghetti-strap dress, was denied entrance. Finally got in with a leisure suit. During a dance-off he tore his leisure suit off, revealing the dress underneath, and danced real hard and dirty with a kid who was a little slow but famous around school for his dancing. After a minute of forcefully humping the kid into the fetal position he was arrested and then got kicked off the track team. So he staged a protest with some friends outside the school, which got on the news. The story the news channels somehow got was that he was denied entrance to prom for having a gay date (???). He ended up with an MTV episode, one of those True Life: I Am A Teenage whateverthef*ck.

The moral of this story seems to be: Just let the kid with the duct tape tuxedo into the prom in the first place.

some kids had a binder full of hair. like one of those 5 star zipper binders. they would go around asking everyone for hair, and by the end of the year this binder was full of it. they would pull it out of their own head, find it on the ground, pull it out of peoples heads whatever. on the last day of school on lunch break they “released” it into the wild. i have to admit, seeing a tumbleweed of hair blowing across the street was pretty funny.

I have a feeling this kid is alive and well and can probably be found thriving in some freaky subreddit somewhere.

Knew a guy in high school, who I’ll call Steve, who would pierce his body with safety pins and staplers during lunch purely for the shock factor. One day he told a few people that he was going to staple his scrotum to his leg during lunch. A bunch of guys gathered in the bathroom to watch it happen. When the time came Steve couldn’t bring himself to do it so he had his friend do the stapling. Steve held his scrotum against his leg and his buddy delicately place the stapler on top. After a three second countdown WHAM! The friend smacked the top of the stapler as hard as he could and the scrotum was stapled.

True story, a friend of mine is a sideshow performer based out of Los Angeles, and when her show came to Philadelphia last year we went to see her. During intermission, she went around to a crowd with a stapler and audience members were able to staple tips anywhere onto her body. We saw her a few days later and she still had dark purple bruises all over the place. I don’t have a scrotum but between these two stories I’m still cringing right now. Ow, ow, ow.

The kid wore a green zipper up fleece vest every single day over anything he was wearing. Kind of like Doug. He’d carry around what I can only describe as doubloons and take them out to pay for lunch or whatever just so he could say, “Oh, I guess you don’t take these!” He’d meow and hiss when someone would make fun of him. He made videos of himself side-by-side with anime singalongs, mimicking their motions. He would eat his lunch with chopsticks, no matter what it was. That shitty thick cafeteria pizza? Chopstick’d. Mashed potatoes with gravy? Chopstick’d. I was one of the ‘popular’ kids and I found him endlessly entertaining so I spent about 3 months getting him to trust me enough to sit at the ‘cool’ lunch table with us. Afterward, his ‘friends’ or whatever the other weirdos were stopped me to ask how I’d gotten Fierce to sit with us, since he refused to sit with anyone at lunch the entirety of his life to that point. Oh yeah, he called himself Fierce Deavora. He entertained us our entire senior year. Turns out he was actually pretty quick witted and listening to him ridicule the stupidity of the meathead in our group was glorious. I miss that kid.

We had a kid in my class who was obsessed with sega dream cast and sonic. Like could not have a conversation that didn’t eventually pertain to those two topics. He was a nice guy, but wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too into that stuff.

3rd grade, good kid, never misbehaved or acted out in any of our previous grades (same school and teachers/classes K through 8) but I realize now, as an adult, something had to have happened at home because he suddenly began peeing his pants in class. Every. Day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. He had to sit all the way in a corner of our class, as far away from the rest of us as possible (this was the early ’80’s and ostracizing a poor kid going through what must have been a terrible struggle wasn’t frowned upon). The smell was awful. He’d do it and then we’d just find out through the smell, because he wouldn’t say anything, then our teacher’d have one of us walk with him to the Nurses office where he’d, presumably, wash up and put on new clothes. It would only be once per day, and probably at random times (I don’t recall). Strange thing (aside from the daily pants-pissing) was that he never did it prior to 3rd grade and never did it again after 3rd grade. He’s a normal, well-adjusted, solidly employed, married adult now with a couple kids. Strange

After recess we would form a line at the water fountain. Every kid had three seconds to get a drink (which wasn’t enough after a game of soccer). We would then head to the bathroom to wash up. One kid found a way to get more water, he would drink out of the urinal.

We had a kid that had a very choice style of clothing. Every day without fail he would wear shorts and a hawaiian shirt to school, rain, shine or snow (mostly rain in the UK). Oddly, as in england the majority of schools have a uniform up until the final 2 years (called sixth form), and no one saw him outside of school, we didn’t find out about this until the final 2 years. Apart from this one quirk he was a very normal guy. To make it stranger I saw him about a month after everyone left school and he’d stopped wearing hawaiian shirts and shorts. It was like he’d picked his own very odd uniform for the two years of sixth form.

The REALLY weird kid at my high school walked the perimeter of the cafeteria every day while chanting, “I like to fuck cats and dogs.” He was so messed up..his parents were deluded in thinking he should be mainstreamed in public school.

I don’t know about weird but we had a kid who I am pretty sure was cursed. Something bad happened to every him day. He would catch any flu that appeared. He got his nose broken from a ball in gym. He go his hand cut when he accidentally leaned in on a window and broke. He once got angry and kicked the old wall which collapsed on him and partially buried him breaking his leg. He once was playing tag around school and got caught on a piece of tin wire that hung from a tree and had his entire throat sliced. I still don’t know he even managed to survive this. I didn’t know people could survive having their throat sliced. And this was all just in second and third grade. He transferred shortly after getting his throat sliced(and he had the most bitching scar afterwards) so I don’t know if his “curse” continued after that but I wouldn’t be surprised