Lord Nelson was on his way out to sea when he was approached by a pirate ship, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze!
"Lord Nelson, Lord Nelson, what do we do?" asked the first mate.
"First mate," said the Lord Nelson, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest and bring me my red shirt."
The first mate did so, and, wearing his bright red shirt, the Lord Nelson exhorted his crew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties.
The next day, the ship was again approached, this time by two pirate sloops!
"Lord Nelson, Lord Nelson, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The first mate asked the Lord Nelson the secret of his bright red shirt.
"It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not show and the crew continues to fight without fear."
More days passed and they were nearing the Spanish coast, when suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the Spanish Armada were approaching!
"Lord Nelson, Lord Nelson, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?" The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker. Pale with fear, the Lord Nelson commanded "FIRST MATE.... BRING ME MY BROWN PANTS!"

Until next year. Talk Like a Pirate Day is officially over. Time to hang up our cutlasses, bury our treasure 10 paces east of the crooked palm tree, and get back to our regularly scheduled programming...ninjas.