Thursday, September 07, 2006

Face Off Day!

You are a mad scientist and you're very ugly. You've perfected a face transplant procedure, so you're going to kidnap your best frienemy, the one who's really hot and funny that everyone loves, and you're going to steal his face and transplant it onto your skull.

Tonight, you'll go out to a party with your frienemy's face and try to mingle with your friends and acquaintances to get some of the action your frienemy always gets. At first, lots of hotties will come up to you and try to make it with you. But they'll all lose interest when you start to talk. In addition to being a mad scientist, you're really racist and any time you get anyone's attention, you start talking about national identification cards and holocaust myths.

Eventually, your frienemy will arrive with his face nothing more than a soup of raw tissue and teeth. He will announce to the room that you stole his face and that you are a madman who must be stopped. Everyone will know that that's your frienemy because when he accuses you of having stolen his face, he'll be really funny and charming. Everyone at the party will grab you and start to rip the face from your skull.

'Wait,' you'll shout. 'I'm the only one who can perform the transplant surgery!'

They'll ask what it will take to get you to perform the surgery. Tell them you want someone really cute to go out with you for at least three months. Once it's agreed, perform the surgery and get your old face back. Your new girlfriend will hate going out with you at first, but soon she will realize that you're actually kind of cute and some of your racist ideas aren't all that far-fetched when you think about it.