Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Get Over It: Girls Just Don’t Marry Alphas

Sister 2Sister 1 is on-line dating. There, I said it. For those of you who are just like me & say to yourself “She’s on what?” I mean she is an official member of something like XOXO.com or DreamBabe.com but definitely NOT OnlineBootyCall.com to the tune of $39.99 & up for a month. The good news here is that if she does not calm down, have fun, get some free meals & even more free cocktails out of it & possibly someone chill to spend some good innocent time with on a regular basis, my glamorous friend & I get to pick ALL of the prospects for her to “date” come month 2. Here is where On Line Dating becomes fun for your family & friends!

One thing I noticed right away when searching through the throngs of men available is that Sister 1 & I have very different tastes. For example, she is instantly attracted to the face, the photo of the person whereas I instantly go to two areas: whether or not they are divorced & whether or not this divorce involves children & #2: their job. Excuse me, but one of my requirements for her is that they actually possess one. So while she is drooling or oohing & ahhing over the photos of these guys that ALWAYS include 2 – 3 things: The No Shirt, The Dog, & the Prop My Niece or Nephew Up On Me photos, I am searching out the job, kid sitch & a few key phrases in their bio that speak to me of their integrity.

As a result of this endeavor I have concluded from my vast research that Girls Do Not Marry Alphas. I got the idea from an episode of True Blood in which the Freaky Sex lady/Possibly Minotaur/Totally Obsessed With Food character says to the Man Who Becomes a Dog character: “You are no Alpha”. Suddenly I was struck: That’s why his character is slightly annoying but extremely adorable = he’s MARRIAGE material!

Now take a poll amongst your friends: who is married or in a serious relationship with an Alpha? I bet NONE. Yes our men are cute, sexy, all ours, dedicated, loyal etc…but are any of them LL Cool J? Now ask yourself: Would you want a loving, long lasting relationship with LL Cool J or long hot nights of crazy “doin it & doin it & doin it well?” Do you want him saying “I love your mind” or “Its jiggling baby, go ahead baby?” COME ON…You & I know the answer. Anytime an interviewer talks about his kids its like zzzzzz can’t you just have him lick his lips on camera for the whole time?

Girls marry Betas. We go for the potential, the diamond in the rough, the guy who has no qualms about picking us up tampons while out on a run for Tequila. The guy who can whip up a BBQ feast, has a vast knowledge of sports or something else they are passionate about, doesn’t care if they sleep in the same shirt they wear the next day & over all LOVES us & thanks us every day for being in their lives. This is why Johhny Depp is so damn appealing…or the newest Beta on the block Bradley Cooper. These are guys who make awkward cool without knowing it, something women have known is sexy for ages. We like to sex up Alphas but when it comes to settling down & chilling in front of TV, Beta Boys rule.This is because WE are the Alphas, as far as I can see. Our men need us as much (even more so) as we need them & as soon as Sister 1 figures out this simple formula the sooner I get to start picking out office furniture that will replace her room!

Sister 1Yes, I am internet dating and LOVE IT! I have been having a blast winking, emailing, IM’ing, texting, talking on the phone and dating. I have never dated in the past so this whole “dating” thing is all new to me. Most of my “relationships” were fast (like instant) or completely non-existent. Also, I have never dated more than one person at a time, instead I always focused on one person and when it was time to move on to the next, I would drop them and then move on (or vice versa). So this has been a totally new endeavor for me and so much fun at the same time.

I have had a couple different random experiences with this whole thing too. First off, (totally out of the blue) I went out with a guy friend who brought two other guys with him and low and behold one of them was someone I had been previously emailing online. It was crazy! All in all, he turned out to be just that (crazy) and I never emailed him again. But how random huh?

Then I went out for a girls night and there were at least five guys there that I had seen when I was searching, or ones that had reached out to me with an email. A friend of mine ended up dancing with one of the guys and exchanged numbers with him. The next day her and I looked him up on the site and got the dirty on him. Fun times! And helpful for her too. Now she’s living vicariously through me and my online venture.

My first date was quite an experience. When I agreed to go out on my first date I was totally nervous. First off, this was a “day time” date and had no alcohol on the agenda. In the past alcohol had been my saving grace when sparking up a convo with a guy. Before I went, I was worried because all that kept going through my head was “what do you talk with a guy about whom you don’t know when there is no alcohol in your system?” But I got through it, had a great time and the guy…? Well the guy told me I had a “great spirit” at the end and I knew then we would only have that one date. The next day I had another date with a new guy and he turned out to be a dud. We planned on having one drink and that was all we had. One drink, one hour later and I was home emailing some new prospects.

In between the weird encounters, I have had some fun ones too. Managing to have an average of two- three dates a week has been awesome and because of it my savings account has been seeing more positive numbers than red ones. Also, because of my sister’s desires I have taken on a new role of Alpha (although I’m always a Delta x3 at heart) and just exploring what males are out there. Oh and I don’t know what sister 2 is thinking…I am in no mind set now for a “relationship” now that dating is in my vocabulary. AKA – she created a dating monster. So she needs to stop searching for office furniture and start clearing our vases for all the flower arrangements I’m getting.

I know what you mean...who goes on a date (gulp) sober? One of the last first and only dates that I went on was with an OC'er named Tyler. I was so nervous, not because Tyler is an Abercrombie model, but because I hadn't dated someone I had met at a random house party once, in years. I was so nervous that my "one glass of wine won't hurt while I'm getting ready" turned into a bottle. Then we shared a bottle on the date. And just like in a Judd Apatow movie, when he got up to go to the bathroom, and I saw that our wine bottle was almost finished, I switched his almost full glass with my nearly empty one. I am, if nothing else, full of class. And surprisingly, he never called again???