Many collide with aeroplanes and helicopters, create ruckus in city

After being regularly stuck in traffic for hours, days and even months, some bright Delhiites have come up with a solution. They have decided to use gliders for commuting to workplace. Though an innovative idea, it backfired severely when some gliders crashed into low-flying aeroplanes and helicopters in the city earlier today, creating a massive ruckus. (Those flights might have been flying so low in order to avoid fog and turbulence to reach their destination as less late as possible on time.) As of now, there has been no casualty, since most victims had emergency parachutes in their gliders.

We caught up with one such victim, Chatur Murgadoss, one of the pioneers of this idea. “Delhi’s traffic system? It’s exemplary! Just the other day, I left my house at 6am for my office, merely 15 km away. I reached at 9am, the exact time my office starts. The catch? It was THE NEXT DAY! Yes, you heard it, I was stuck in traffic for twenty-seven hours!” That was enough for the brave soul; Mr. Murgadoss knew something had to be done.

Sky is the Limit!

He first tried to fly with a kite. Obviously he fell down flat on his face, but that gave him an idea. An idea how to fly over the traffic, directly to his office. “The next day I flew to and fro with the help of a glider that I bought online at Flipkart. And I have been doing so for the last two weeks. It’s great for your health; you get fresh air, you can do a lot of sightseeing, and you can do all sorts of stunts in the air. On the downside, you can run into an eagle or an aircraft.”

However, Chatur Murgadoss is not the first man to try out-of-the-box solutions for the problem. One Akalmand Mandbuddhi recently drove his car right into the Rajiv Chowk metro station platforms, and then onto the metro tracks, to get away from the traffic. A young chap from Punjab installed an amplified nitrous boost kit to his car along with superchargers, to draw more power from the engine. He had explained to his friends that he was trying to achieve the escape velocity, he hasn’t been seen since.

Citizens of Mumbai, Bangalore and Kolkata have expressed sympathy towards Delhiites, with a campaign titled “We understand. We too have tried.” The government has assured Delhiites that it is working on plans to fix the traffic. Our reports say that one of the plans is the implementation of a “Sarva Cycle Abhiyan”, which will mandate every citizen to “drive” only bicycles in the country. Another line of reasoning behind this idea is that it will help cut down on emissions and pollution. Delhi Traffic Police is frantically drawing up a list of bicycle-related traffic violations to levy on the common man, such as “Rs. 1000 fine on dismantled chain or deflated tyre”, “Rs. 5000 for not wearing helmets and pads”, etc.

Yoga guru Asaram Bapu was heard saying at a camp, “चलने की ज़रूरत क्या है? दिल में सोचो और पल भर में वहां पहुँच जाओगे!” He is now being touted by the Indian media as the inventor of teleportation. In other related news, Lalu Prasad Yadav has proposed the use of cows and bulls for commuting. He has reasoned that one need not spend extra for honking; all that is to be done is poke the animals on their heads.

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