To The: Huffington Post Edition

As many of you know, I recently had the privilege of becoming a blogger for the Huffington Post. What that means is, I have my own platform on the back-end where I can submit blogs for them to say "yay" or "nay." I've been lucky to have three blogs published so far, all of which were previously published here.My most recent blog, "The Parenting Cliche I Cannot Stand," generated quite a conversation. I knew it would, but didn't anticipate the reach. The first time it was posted on Facebook, it got 3,421 likes, 759 shares and 237 comments. The second time, it was 328 likes, 83 shares and 25 comments. On the actual article, it got great engagement, too:

So, all in all, lots of likes, tons of shares, and lots of comments. Of which I read every single one.And I've got to say - the comments were fascinating. Majority of people sharing and commenting on it were saying "THANK GOD SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS!" or "AMEN!" or "Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone." All sentiments that tie back to why I love to write.But everyone else? What a bunch of miserable people, and parents. Seriously.I suppose me writing that only goes to support their arguments that if I don't want to hear what other people have to say, I shouldn't have a blog or "post my shit on Facebook." But, honestly - why does parenthood have to be so polarizing? Why do people feel like their way is the right way? Or feel like it's OK to put other people down? Or just be plain mean? And judgmental?I don't get it.As much I would have liked to tell many of the commenters to "Fuck off" directly, I figured that'd be poor form. So I'm going to passive aggressively tell them to fuck off here, where they likely won't see it. To this genius:

"35 weeks? How about your child is almost 3 years old."

I'm not the best at math, but I'm pretty sure there are about 52 weeks in a year. I hope you don't have to use math or simple, every day knowledge to get through each day.

To this insightful lad:

"I feel like this author needs more sleep. Geez."

Ummm, yep. Pretty much the gist.To this dumbass:

"This is just plain stupid and obviously written by a first time mom of a still a baby. My daughter was such a hard baby. She woke up every hour screaming at me for an hour then would make me bleed. She didn't sleep through the night until 1 year. And age 3 was the worst. And my boys were 18 months apart. My middle son was colic. Now my daughter is 11 and my middle son is starting kindergarten. And I know with a blink of an eye they will all be adults. I wonder where the time went and if I could do it all over again even without the sleep. I would love to snuggle my crying baby girl at night again. I would in a heartbeat. And imagine a mom of all grown children reading this or one who has lost a child. So I agree with the comment not this ridiculous petty blog post from someone with little experience. What a bad attitude on parenthood. Sheesh."

So many things. The first being, I'm willing to bet that when you were in the thick of those experiences - YOUR experiences - you were not enjoying it all. It's easy to look back on those times now that your kids are older and say you'd "snuggle at night again in a heartbeat." That's the way hindsight and perspective works. But at the time I wrote this, I wasn't there. If I get there on my own journey as a parent, I'll let you know. But your feelings/experiences are yours, and mine are mine. As for the bit about imagining a mom of grown children reading or one who has lost a child - first, many mothers of grown children did read this and comment and agree. So there's that. And for the women who read who had lost a child - I'm so very sorry for their loss. But that loss and experience is not the same and can't be compared to what I was experiencing at the time I wrote this.Finally: I have a bad attitude on parenthood? Did you read your comment, or? To this moron:

"Get a life- there are people in the world with real problems."

Why don't you get a life, and spend your time doing something better and more productive than writing nasty comments on a blog, you troll! To this kind mama:

"I wish I could dissolve the negative comments and tell you that your post really hit home. I shared it on my wall and it was doubly irritating when the people who commented clearly missed the point. We love our children with every ounce of our being. But it doesn't mean we love musical beds at night, especially when we have to function the next day and the days after that. I squeeze all the hugs I can get now. I bring them into bed with us just so I can spend more time with them even if it means while we sleep. I will miss so many things, their smell, their laugh, their cuddles, etc. The poop running down my leg, the over tired toddler who slaps me in the face, the baby who dips his hand in the food only to immediately grab my newly washed hair (ok that one maybe a little), the crying fits in the car when we all just want to reach our destination, etc....... I will gladly look in the rear view mirror on those. Thank you for writing this and letting me know I'm not alone. Hugs to you!

Thank you for this. You are the kind of person I hoped I would reach, and the kind of feedback I hoped I would get. You hit the nail on the head, and thank you for your support.To this ass-hat:

"Sounds like your in need of counseling, if not for you then for your Baby!"

Thank you for the laugh! I needed it.To you, my friend:

"Thank you for writing this. I too cried as I read the final lines because you have described motherhood exactly as it is."

I cried when I read your comment because it made me feel so good!

To you, Negative Nancy:

"Maybe you shouldn't post shit about your kid on Facebook. No one wants to read it anyways. Problem solved."

Which part of a FB status that reads "For Lent I'm giving up sleep, #newmom" references anything about my child? What's that? It doesn't? It only talks about my own lack of sleep? K, thanks, bye!To you, Mommy War advocate:

"Babies can't manipulate you our use you as a pacifier. That's a cliché. And a myth. Put forth since formula feeding became a norm."

You're the reason that "mommy wars" exist. I didn't say a word about being manipulated, and the bit about using my boob as a pacifier? You bet your ass that my baby would at times only sleep if my boob was in his mouth. He was not eating. So, sorry, but to me, that's the same effect as a pacifier. Take your judgement and move along.

To the most miserable person ever:

"Another in an endless tirade of victimhood by parents who take offense at every interaction that they themselves haven't pre-approved or scripted. Why write a blog if you don't want people to comment? Go through life and grade every social interaction as not good enough and be miserable all of the time. That's your choice."

I love this comment so much. I don't really have much to say in response, except that the post and it's entirety went completely over this person's head, and if that's what she picked up, then I'm guessing it's a reflection of her own feelings of parenthood.To this ignorant ass:

"What did she think before she became a mother...that the baby was just going to be this cute little person that lies around in a onesie all day? Boo hoo she loses some sleep - she is supposed to be molding and a life...losing a little sleep should be the least of her problems."

While I admit my version of being a mom was slightly romanticized, I was not naive enough to think that I would be getting a lot of sleep at the outset. I certainly underestimated how hard it was going to be though. Good news for you, asshole, I am molding a life and doing so while getting a full night's rest these days. Fuck off.To this jackass:

"Get over it. Stop writing a blog. You are not the first woman to have a baby."

WHAATTT!?? Stop it. I don't believe you.To Peggy:

I think if there are 'many days and nights' where you are breaking down and crying you should ask those around you for help. It should not be this terrible. Good Luck

You must not remember the complete hormonal imbalance that your body goes through after having a baby. I won't apologize for being supremely emotional in those early weeks of being a new mom, and being overwhelmed with happiness, responsibility and with love. Sometimes my "break downs" were crying out of pure joy. Other times it was because I was clueless. Never because it was terrible. I have a tribe of help around me that I go to when I need it.

To Miserable Melvin:

You made them, deal with it. In a few years that kid won't be able to stand the sound of YOUR voice. By the time they are teens, you will be the dumbest most worrisome person on Earth.

So what you're saying is, your kids really like you, huh? Worry about your your own relationships with your children, and don't prophesize what mine will be like.

But mostly, to this woman:

"I think it is time we all stop judging ourselves based on other's opinions of how motherhood should look. If you are loving your child, caring for your child, providing for all of your child's needs, and doing your best to contribute positively to their life, then you are doing exactly what a parent should. I am sure there are and will be some who comment negatively and often downright nastily, just let those go. Your words are true for you and so many others and it is refreshing to read them."

Thank you. That is perspective that I can appreciate, that is support, which is what so many other comments were not.

2 comments:

People are just insane. I wish that people who have 3 grown kids could remember what having that first newborn was like. And it's easy to look back and think I wish I had enjoyed those moments for, but when you're in them, they completely suck. I loved my baby but hated the first 8 weeks. It was exhausting and I was hormonal and I cried more than I would care to admit. And 8 months later I still don't wish that I was back in those moments. I have loved every stage since then, but those first 8 weeks really sucked! Everyone is entitled to their own experiences.