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Regrets

I was poking around online today on a mommy site, when a post caught my attention. A women made a post asking what our regrets were, however, we were not allowed to say that we didn’t have any regrets, because to her, everyone had some.

I paused for a moment, and thought to myself, what is a regret really? Merriam-Webster defines regret as: feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, esp. a loss or missed opportunity). In the moment, or thick of when things occurred, sure, I might have felt SOME regret. However, today? I don’t. I simply don’t regret anything of my pass. Good, bad, or indifferent, they got me to where I stand today. You simply can’t go back in time to change things, and even if you could, you risk changing everything from that moment forward, and who knows how wide the pendulum would swing. Would we have missed some really great opportunities? It’s like the butterfly affect, it may seem unimportant and slight at first, but thousand of miles away, it could cause a hurricane.

A fantastic example in my life, comes to mind. Towards the end of 8th grade I found out that my best friend, who had been my faithful best friend without fault all of my grade school life, was not going to be attending the public feeder high school we all were; she was going to be attending a Christian high school. I was devastated. Mind you, I was a social butterfly, I had MANY friends, however, at that time, only one best friend, that I loved like a sister. My grandparents said they would make a way for me to attend the same high school as she was, if I chose to do so. That decision was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I wanted nothing more than to be in the same school my best friend was, but I would miss all of my other friends. I knew that I would be able to make new friends in no time, but many of my friends I grew up with. My advanced academic schedule from my grade school, put me on an advanced academic schedule with the feeder high school, and I risked losing that, along with all of my years of hard academic work, if I chose the Christian high school.

At that time in life, I knew the only way I was going to break the cycle my parents fell victim to, was to get the best education I could get, and that meant top grades, extra circulars, etc to get scholarships, etc. Ultimately I chose to go into the feeder school, since they had dual enrollment classes with the local community college. I remember crying for weeks after I made my decision. Yes, I was sad, I was depressed some would say. In fact after 8th grade promotion, I continued to battle my decision. As MUCH as I wanted to go to school with my best friend, I simply couldn’t give up the bulk of my friends, my academic, sport, and extra circular successes.

IF I had chosen to attend the Christian high school, I’m sure I would have been just as academically, and extra-circularly successful, but I would have likely never met the love of my life. I don’t really believe in “destiny”, but I do believe in Divine Intervention. I absolutely feel in my heart with all that I am, that God, designed this path for me. That he made this way for Scott and I to met. Sure, we did a lot of things wrong, had a lot of wrong turns, had a lot of ups, and painful downs, but I knew from day one, without a doubt, I would marry that man one day. I didn’t know when, where, how, etc, all I knew was, I was going to marry that man one day.

Sure, maybe in that time I was sad going through those experiences, but I don’t regret them. The choices I made, have made me who I am. I’m a survivor, I’m resilient, I’m confident, I’m a go getter, I’m everything I want to be and more. When I think back, if I had changed even ONE step, I would not be the same, nor would I be in the same place, (likely not). It’s very possible that I could be worse or better.

Do I regret? No. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. Did I learn from them? You betcha. Have I moved forward? Oh, yes I have. Every once in a while I look back, not to regret, but to remind myself, just how far I’ve come. I’ve successfully broken the cycle I was “destined” to live out. I’ve overcome obstacles, even ones I created on my own, and I’ve survived some pretty horrible things in life, ranging from attempted suicide to accidents, and so much more.

So I typed up my response to her, and I told her, that life is far too short to regret, that regret means you wish you could change something that you can’t, but if you do, you run the risk completely altering everything. All of your failures, and your successes become altered. So why regret? I don’t have time for regrets, I only have time for today and the future.

“Accept everything about yourself – I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets.”

-Henry A. Kissingerv

“The truth is, I’m proud of the life I’ve lived so far, and though I’ve made my share of mistakes, I have no regrets.”
-Carly Fiorina

As always, a song comes to my mind: from the Acclaimed musical RENT “No Day But Today”

The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learnThere is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment’s not the last

There’s only us
There’s only this
Forget regret– or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today

There’s only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what is right
No other course
No other way
No day but today

I can’t control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only hope
is just to be

There’s only now
There’s only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today