So I was just diagnosed with HSV-1 today. I’ve been researching online to see how this will affect my life now and I have several questions I’m hoping someone here can help me answer.

1) My initial outbreak was a tiny ulcer on my genitals. I went into the clinic the day after my initial symptoms and got anti-virals and it subsided after a few days. I haven’t had any signs of herpes in my mouth…I don’t think. I had a small bump on the inside of my lower lip but it didn’t hurt in the slightest and went away after a day or so and these bumps are something I have had waaaay before my initial outbreak. Could these bumps in my mouth be from HSV-1 all this time and I just had no idea until it reached my genitals? I guess my first question is, how obvious are oral herpes outbreaks? Could that have been one? And since I have the HSV-1 virus does that mean I will inevitably have an oral outbreak?

2) My second question (the one that originally brought me here) is about how to have sex now. I’m not gonna lie, this diagnosis has probably stopped me from having sex for quite a while just because of the mental component, but I want to be well educated on this topic. In my research I came across the information that non-spermicidal lubricant often has nonoxynol-9 (N-9) which irritates the vagina and can cause outbreaks. I was incredibly irritated to find that its nearly impossible to find information about what products I can use that DO NOT have N-9. I found a certain lubricant that is recommended for people with herpes but I’m more curious about condoms, or condom brands that don’t use N-9. What does “natural” condom mean? Will I always have to use non-lubricated condoms? I know these questions might be dumb but I’m just having a hard time coping with this and I’m finding it stressful that a virus this common is so hard to study 🙁

3) I think one of the hardest most stressful parts about this diagnosis is how to tell my friends and family. I told my twin sister who was very supportive and awesome about it, but I have no idea how to approach it with my friends. I don’t want to share drinks or lipstick or any of that with them anymore to avoid the risk of passing the virus onto them. I realize that this is low risk but I’m trying to be careful. Have any of you told your friends? If so, how? And are there any tips you can give me? I love my friends and I think they’d be supportive but I’m just terrified that they’re going to look at me differently, even though they’re well aware of my sexual history (girl talk and all that). I’m just worried about the social stigma surrounding the virus and I don’t want my friends to see me as “dirty” or a risk to them in any way.

Sorry I know this post is long and I didn’t even realize I had this much to say until I started typing. Thanks for sticking with me this long. Any advice will help! I’m so glad I’ve been able to join this community and read your guys’s stories. It really helps knowing I’m not alone in this. Thanks!

I think having a conversation is okay when your like man something is up I had to go to the doctor they ran some tests. You don’t know and that’s being honest. Until the doc calls. Then it’s not so much as a shock. I hate to say people’s reactions are not always understanding but if he doesn’t understand then he’s not worthy on you. My ex broke up with me saying it was all me. However, I never had any symptoms. I just went in for a check up. He want worthy of me. We are all here together

All great questions. Sadly, there is not a ton of valid info about herpes because it is very common and not terribly worrisome.

The only way to tell where you have HSV1 is by having an outbreak. From the sounds of it, you are an asymptomatic carrier of HSV, which means you carry the virus but do not experience symptoms. 85% of the population who has herpes are asymptomatic carriers and the majority of the population has the virus. So, you’re not alone.

HSV1 can be oral, oral and genital or just genital.

My best advice would be to tell partners what you have had a blood test and HSV1, most commonly ‘cold sores’ showed positive but that you’ve never experienced an outbreak. This does not mean that you can’t pass it along, unfortunately, but the risk is lower.

Check out The Facts on the Herpes drop down on this website, it’s very informative (if you haven’t already). Also, I really like this video. It’s helpful, too.

Hello all, this is my first post. I did a routine blood panel for STI’s and asked to make sure a bunch of tests were run including for Herpes. Came back positive for HSV1 but not HSV2. I was told that HSV1 could be just oral or both oral and genital…not sure if it can be just genital? In any case, how is one to find out if it’s genital or not? Do you disclose if you are HSV1 but not HSV2? I have no symptoms on or in mouth and never had. I can only gather that I’ve contracted it somehow in the last 8 years because my son is 8 and I was tested when I was pregnant for everything and everything was negative. I’m not that sexually active…aside from some make outs with my ex boyfriend that i’ve known 20 years. So do I tell everyone that I have HSV1. What is the standard protocol or is there one? Also is there a way to find out if it’s oral vs. genital or both? thanks. any advice would be helpful.

Oh sweet girl. Let me just say that all of this resonates with me. I was diagnosed in March of 2018 after I started dating an ex (whom I knew was really controlling and had some seriously dark energy), and I too felt very overwhelmed, angry, violated, etc. And my initial outbreak was very painful as well, it was everything I could do to even make it off the couch to get the kids to daycare in the mornings, and it was extremely painful to do anything. BUT….and I want you to hear this….in this diagnosis I have found so much SOUL HEALING. I am learning how to honor my body, and respect and love myself. I have learned how to listen to my body as I learn to identify my triggers. I too rarely doctor for anything (because I don’t need to) and to receive this diagnosis and start on the anti-virals (and find a dosage that was helpful to me) was very overwhelming. But you will learn how to manage symptoms, and you will find wisdom in the wounding in this. It is a journey deep into self love, self forgiveness, and self care. I’m so glad that you found this place to land where we can love on, encourage and come alongside of you. Sending so much love, healing and light your way today. XOXOXO

Yesterday I was diagnosed with genital herpes and here is my story. I am a 19 year old student at Bloomsburg University of PA. I have become quite a drinker since high school and have been permiscuous and negligent. I slept with someone I trusted, and he told me he was recently checked and is clean. Two days later I started getting painful symptoms. For some reason my initial outbreak was so severe that I went to the hospital. I have sores on my anus, butt, and inside/outside of vagina. I also feel sick and can’t get rid of this awful headache. The headache is like the worst I’ve ever had. I can’t even use the bathroom without crying from the pain of urine and wiping. The part that bothers me is that the man who gave me this disease was my “friend” and he was super nice and caring and I felt like he was genuine. But I’m reality, he was just trying to get into my pants. I feel violated. And dirty. And scared. The love of my life & I are in an open relationship and we have been together since high school. Idk how I’m going to tell him. I hate this. I’m scared of medicine and illnesses so it makes it even worse. I’m gonna try to look at it in a different light as time goes on. I want to learn from my mistake and hopefully get forgiveness from the man I love and have a monogamous relationship. I really hope he will look past the herpes and still be with me. I also will need to quite drinking so much. I feel like I deserved this. But idek what to think or feel yet.

Back in the beginning of August I was diagnosed with Herpes type two. The way in which I was diagnosed was extremely difficult.
Prior to meeting my partner who I received HSV2 from I had not been out on a date/relationship in close to a year. Wanted to get back out there again. We met and talked for close to three weeks before becoming intimate.
A week later I became very ill. High fever, body aches and chills and my lower abdomen hurt. I was send to the hospital after five days of symptoms not subsiding.
The doctors wanted to keep me over the weekend, do to an Ovarian cyst or and infection in my fallopian tube. They ran me for the most common STD ; trig, clap and gino. all came back negative.
The reason they kept me over night is that my white blood count was not at the right level. Night two of being in the hospital my throat began to throb and my lymphnos on my neck were extremely swollen.
Right before leaving the hospital (a totally of 4 days) they ran a viral culture on my throat. With 48hours i received results that my test on my throat came back as herpes.
Of course once I started reading about Herpes I wanted to know which kind. I took a blood test and it stated in the IgG test was that my index was 7.42 which suggested I had a early infection of HSV 2.
Two days later I received more results stating that I recently tested positive for HSV 1 and 2 in the IGM phase of the reaction. Also stating both HSV1 and 2 share many cross reacting antigens. Elevated titers to both HSV1 and 2 may represent cross reactive HSV antibodies rather than exposure to both HSV 1 and 2.
What does that mean? Do I have both? I have no idea. Its been over a month and I have had no vaginal outbreak and no sore throat. My only outbreak was in my throat. Can i pass it orally and vaginally? Or just orally because thats where my only outbreak was.
I am considering going back to the doctors for more test and more answers. I am just still so confused and frustrated.

Thank you for reading, i know i was long. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

It sounds like your daughter has really gone through it. It must be difficult to see her in pain like she is.

HSV is tricky because it can show as a false negative in many people from time to time. However, once someone has it, they have it for life. Swab testing is the most accurate way to determine if the antibodies are present. So, if the swab test she had 4 years ago was positive, I would say she does, in fact, have HSV1. That all said, it is medically harmless. The next time she has an outbreak, suggest she go to the doctor right away to get it swab tested again if what you are determining is if the rash is from her HSV or psoriasis.

Dr. Kelly, the founder of Pink Tent would be a great resource for you and your daughter to ask more in-depth questions and to determine effective ways to decrease symptoms and boost her immune system. Reach out to her. She is a wealth of knowledge.

I hope your daughter starts feeling better and that you both find deep peace!

It’s awesome that you have been in touch with a naturopath. Because of Dr. Kelly’s (founder of this website and amazing community) knowledge and expertise on treating symptoms and boosting immunity naturally and how that seems to be your desired avenue, I would suggest talking with her.

She’s a doctor, and fellow H carrier and an amazing woman, mentor, teacher, coach. Your first call with her is complimentary and worth checking out to see how she can help you.

Hello all! I am new to the site and this forum, but am excited to find a safe place full of like-minded people. I have had HSV2 and was recently diagnosed with HPV too. I feel alone and was wondering if anyone else suffers from two STDs with physical symptoms? How do you build yourself back up to be a confident woman?

Herpes OB’s do tend to decrease as time goes on. The symptoms of herpes are itchy, burning, tingling and just uncomfy, yes.

I like to use coconut oil to soothe my symptoms and lemon balm as well. Also, I found that wearing breathable panties helps tremendously. I was a long-time thong wearer and since my first OB I have switched to full booty panties. Also, going pantyless from time to time helps to keep yourself cool and dry, too. It might sound a little scandalous but it’s fun to keep your little panty-free secret’, too. Just be sure you’re well covered, you know? 🙂

I’m sorry you feel sad and lonely. Those emotions are not uncommon. You are not alone, sister. I find it to be helpful to identify one or two things that always make me feel better when I start to feel down about my diagnosis or anything for that matter. Mine are yoga and dancing! Whenever I start to feel shame creep in I put on an outfit that makes me feel really pretty and feminine and I dance, dance, dance!

The emotional setbacks of herpes are the most significant ‘symptoms’ we have… and we are more powerful than an annoying virus!

I am sorry you are struggling with the diagnosis. You are not alone. I can speak for many of us, perhaps all of us about our response to getting the diagnosis. It really is a tough one to hear. What you are experiencing in your heart is as common as herpes is itself.

Some things to know:
1. You are NOT alone. As many as one in three adults has it.
2. Condoms are great, but they don’t always prevent herpes.
3. People can have it and never show symptoms which makes the part of the 85% of the population who has it but doesn’t know it. That could’ve been your partner. That’s the story for many of us.
4. It’s easy to manage with diet and self-care

Many of the people who I know have it, including myself actually found a way to better health and self-love after our diagnoses. Herpes is not a life sentence and it is certainly not the end of your love/sex life or a diminishing factor of how loveable you are!

Please take a deep breath, remember how lovely! There are many women who I know (including me) who have had great success with dating and love after finding out we have herpes.

If you haven’t already, you should consider talking with Dr. Kelly one on one to see what ways she can help you get back on track to feeling as beautiful and vibrant as I am sure you are!

It’s just a little bump in the road, Jessica. It’s not the end– I promise.

I had sex only once. Only once with a condom. The guy who I had sex with told me very specific he was clean but yet , I got horrible symptoms of burning pain when I pee and inflammation of the vagina. I thought it was just a yeast infection until about 4 days later, I notice painful bumps. And that’s when I knew I need a doctor. Right when I spread my legs for her to see, she confirms I have contracted genital herpes. This all happened yesterday. Since last week I have been stressed and haven’t eaten or slept. My parents don’t know I contracted the herpes. All I could do is cry. I am 19 years old, waiting so long to have sex, had sex with a condom, and yet, I am one of the unlucky few. Right when I heard the news, I immediately thought of ways to kill my self. This pain is indescribable both physically and emotionally. I can’t pee without screaming and I can’t walk or go to work without feeling like there were fire ants in my pants. It’s been one day and I still feel like I’m dying, like I won’t recover, that I won’t ever find love. I still can’t eat or sleep. I got meds from my doctor but the idea that I contracted this incurable illness even after taking all the safety precautions makes me want to die, and I don’t know how to go on and be okay.

Exactly one year ago I gave birth to my second son. My husband and I were thrilled. About four weeks after he was born I noticed the symptoms. I thought maybe something had gone wrong during delivery but no it was herpes. When my doctor asked if I knew how I got it, I said yeah my husband occasionally had gotten this rash for the past ten years and every time he went in to be seen they told him it was a yeast infection and gave him cream. Turns out he has been infected for 10 years and didn’t realize it. I was extremely angry. I felt like I am mark with something horrible. Instead of enjoying this new life we created I was miserable. Fast forward one year, I just discovered I am pregnant again. I was taking the pill and still got pregnant. Normally I would be excited except I am not. I’m mad that I will have to talk about this disease every time I go for an OB check. I’m mad that I may not be able to deliver naturally like my other two deliveries. I will resent my husband a great deal if I end up having to have a C-section. I take Valtrex and that helps to some extent. But I’m absolutely terrified about going through this pregnancy. All I have heard is that herpes will be non stop during pregnancy. Any information or experiences anyone has had would be appreciated.