I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about two years now. He’s American, and I’m German. In February I flew to the US on a six-month tourist visa with the plan to get married.

We had talked about this because we love each other and it’s our only way to live in the same country. We’re not very traditional so getting married was never really something we were planning on doing before we met each other.

In the six months that I was in the US, we moved in together, and I started working at his job because I didn’t have a working permit I couldn’t look for a job on my own. I also couldn’t get my drivers license. A tourist visa makes it pretty impossible to be independent.

It’s not a solution for a longtime relationship. So the plan was to get married, but we started to have second thoughts. I was unhappy being so dependent on my boyfriend and he said if we got married now, given how long it takes to get a green card and a work permit when you get married on a tourist visa (up to 2 years) we decided we had to come up with a better plan.

My boyfriend asked me if we could wait if I would go back to Germany for a while for us to get the K1 fiancée visa and do everything that the US government wants you to do when you’re trying to marry someone from a foreign country. I said ok, went back home and it’s been a few weeks.

When I bring up the topic of the K1 visa, which takes up to 7 months to get approved, he changes the subject. He also said, he had to think about it more. Am I wasting my time here? I want to build a life with this person, and I know, marriage is a serious thing, but I don’t see how we have another option if we want to be together.

I understand that he’s unsure, but I need to know what the deal is to get on with my life. I don’t want to be in a long distance relationship for the rest of my life. I want to start building a life for myself, and I want him to be part of it. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, but I also don’t see how we can be together without getting married. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’d be very grateful for your advice.