Tibet Our Enemy says Cheney

Dick Cheney has announced in a recent press conference attended exclusively by newspapers friendly to the president that Tibet was now on the list of America's known terrorists. Said Mr. Cheney:

"We have reliable evidence that Tibetan yak farmers have been smuggling weapons of mass destruction via their flocks into neighbouring Nepal. Nepal, as you know, has been a sworn enemy of the United States for years and is considered a major threat since oil was discovered there last year. This may come as a disappointment to our friend the Dalai Lama but we must go with what we now know if we are to bring peace to our planet."

Evelyn Rothchild speaking for fellow shareholders of the Federal Reserve Bank stated:"The bank is ready and willing to loan the government a trillion dollars at a mere nine percent interest so that it can bring democracy to Tibet and offset any resistance that may be launched against our forces by the Chinese. We are aware that this will be an added burden on the American tax payer but this war on terrorism must be won at all costs. Terrorists are everywhere these days. Just last night I had my own wife arrested for issuing threats against me on her Facebook. Neither Tibet nor Nepal can therefore expect special treatment. Intelligence reports have also confirmed that Nepal recently discovered the wheel and such technological advancement cannot be ignored. We will invade at the first opportunity."

Since the announcement, shares in munitions and armaments industries in the US have rocketed and the dollar's exchange rate rose by three points. Owners of the factories, many of whom are in Congress and several of whom sit on the boards of The Federal Reserve bank, Citibank and other global subsidiaries have refused to comment.

Pope Francis has sent a telegram of best wishes to President Obama and said he would say a special mass for success of the mission. "I am happy that the president is walking firmly in the shoes of our Lord and Master Saint Ingatius of Loyola," said he.

Said ex-President George Bush presently recovering from a liver transplant: "Let nobody underestimate the threat posed by Tibet and Nepal against the free world. These people hate democracy and the freedoms we here enjoy in the West, except those who cannot afford medicare, of course or are out of work or have a drug problem... or some other mental disorder."