i don’t want more.

it’s not that I want to be good enough.. i just want to feel good enough. give enough, get enough. have enough. simple as that.

it’s not that i don’t believe in trying to keep up with the people next door, or the girls with an awesome body , or the person with the new promotion … It’s that, i never thought of keeping up or comparing myself to others. i compare myself to the old MEs, to the more creative me, the more free me, the responsible me…. etc.

but i wonder if that makes me less ambitious and makes me have a lack of wanting to “triumph and succeed’ ?
and when i think of people i’ve recently crossed paths with, who want to have or take credit for the ‘better’ ideas, the bigger house, the best husband, the happiest life, the children with agents and scholarships….this makes me a little nauseous and makes me think, ‘hmmmm… should i crave those things, too?’ but i don’t. don’t crave those things, i mean.
i just crave my hangout time with my girls and my family and my friends… i crave some chocolate and wine… a coke with ice, water from the water fountain at the top of the canyon, crave sitting around typing love words and nonsensical stuff that makes me smile or ponder or feel like , “oh, shit! did i just waste some time on this?–nah.”

i crave sitting down with you having small talk* as substantive conversation…
but i don’t dig for stuff like that… it just happens often. and I guess, i would have more, but right now all the time i get makes me feel good enough…seems easy and uncomplicated and it makes me smile.. and crave some more.
crave and want…i want happy simple moments. all day long. dammit.