Few samples of my Inner thoughts that were penned at different times.
They simply just reflect life or instances from my life at different times.

August 29, 2007

WAITING JUST FOR YOU

I am here in the middle of the garden,Admiring the beauty and the beautiful sight.Everything is so nice, so beautiful and seems just great,It looks as if I am in heaven,But still I am not contended, why am I not jovial?

Because I am all alone here,Sitting on a bench, with a bouquet of flowers in my hand,And sitting with some visions in my eyes.Visions! But which are not clear, which are incomplete,Incomplete! Incomplete they are because of his absence.

He, who hasn’t come to me till now,He, who will come to my life,He, who will love me the most,He, whom I will love the most,He, who will trust me,He, whom I will trust,He, who will understand me,He, whom I will understand,He, who will give me all the exhilaration,He, who will complete my visions by being in them!

The visions unknown, with just the aspiration of becoming known,Known! Known to him and through him, known to the world.

The visions are incomplete,The flowers seem to be incomplete,This heaven is incomplete,I am incomplete,And yes, my life is incomplete.Everything is just so incomplete.It is incomplete without you!So waiting just for you!!!

sounds familiar to me.I should not burdeon you with my own experiences as such...but, the desire for completeness, for individuation, is a longing which, I, too, have not fulfilled.

My way was to live a radical life, and connect with angel forms in my imagination, whilst, to my capacity, I loved outwardly trying to create the language of daring, honour, trust and bliss.

But, since my estrangement, now, I wonder about the meaning of the search.

All the clues that are scattered by troubadors and poets over the centuries concerning the mode and purpose of our search for love, and through its arms of acceptance, wholeness.

Now, I am very alone. And this night gone by I dreamt of a strong woman, with beauty and compassion, with heart and yet no apparent longing of her own. I was like a child, but I said to her, "...this is only one side of me."And she had no prejudice, she was free of power games and projection.

I hope you find your prince, Saumya, indeed, I once thought I was just such a person, that my princess would grow into a higher love and blossom with me.

But time and suffering has come to prise such hopes from my fingertips.

Now, I am lost again, and my very survival depends upon some comfort, strength and purpose in the soul.