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Tuesday, 5 September 2017

My Baby Days Are Over.

This week I have waved both James and Evelyn off for their first days at Junior School and Pre-School! Barely able to believe that this time has whizzed by already and that I'm actually stood here when it felt like only yesterday I had a baby in my arms.

I got me thinking about those baby days as I drove home in silence wiping the tears from my eyes. The realisation that right now my baby days are over, my babies are grown up and I'm pretty sure its going to stay that way.

You see when I first fell pregnant myself and my husband had agreed we both wanted 3 children, of course we were naïve having not had any children yet! James was a pretty chilled out baby but Evelyn has been the complete opposite. She has pushed us to our limits and whilst I love them more than I could ever tell you. I'm just not sure I want to do these toddler days again.

Of course I am so grateful for everything the kids have taught me, they were the ones who taught me how to be me, be a parent, trust my own decisions and most of all the meaning of true love. They taught me to be silly and smile even if there was no reason. They showed me my limit but also taught me how to push them. Their confidence and braveness has shown me that nothing is impossible and I couldn't be prouder to be their mum and have the pleasure (and of course sometime stress!) of raising them and calling them mine!

It made me realise that the days of sitting and staring at my brand new newborn baby utterly exhausted but totally in love are over. Cheering on my little one as they take their first wobbly steps, flash their first gummy smile or say mummy for the first time are over.

Of course that's enough to make most mums have a broody wobble about whether they are "really" done having babies but for us its the end. Another baby would put strain on us financially and definitely hamper our plans of hopefully buying our own home. I also think for me personally it would just be one stretch to far physically and emotionally and I think I'm ok with that decision, its one not just for me but for the family as a whole!.

But just because my baby days are over doesn't mean my parenting days are! I have so much more to look forward to, days just like today when I could have burst with pride seeing my 2 babies growing up and heading off for a new exciting adventure at school and pre-school. Days when I get to go on rides, cheer them on at sports day or trips to the cinema with both James and Evelyn. The pleasure of getting to see them grow up together, learning from each other and having their funny little chats and games of LEGO together!

Of course I would be lying if I said I'm not sad at never getting experiencing pregnancy or a new tiny baby again but I'm so grateful that I got the chance to do it all in the first place and not once but twice! But right now I'm so much more excited about our future together, as a family of 4!

How did you decide when your baby days were over? Or are you just beginning your baby days?