Anonymous Unite!

After reading a really great post, I usually leave a comment, telling the blogger how much I enjoyed reading his or her post. In this fashion, I scrolled to the bottom of the post and began typing words of praise.

But as I was writing, I noticed the last comment that had been left by an Anonymous user:

After reading this stirring comment, I looked at the words that I had begun to type, and realized that nothing I said could compare. Clearly, this Anonymous user had a better understanding of MOV’s post than I ever would.
Not only that, this Anonymous user was polite. I hadn’t even thought to start my comment by classifying myself as a regular visitor and politely addressing everyone.

I felt bad for him. He had asked everyone how they were doing, and not a single person took five seconds to reply. I could see him sitting there, refreshing the page over and over again, waiting for someone to write back and tell him how they were doing.
So, being the nice guy that I am, I decided to delete my words of praise for MOV and address him personally:

I hope that you read my response carefully and took it to heart. Because I want to instill a lesson upon you all.

This is what I ask you, gentle readers: In your travels across the interwebz, if you happen to come across someone who posts a comment anonymously, don’t just assume that they are a spammer who is desperately attempting to get traffic to their obscure website.

Also, don’t blame them for posting anonymously. Perhaps they are shy. Or in the witness protection program.

Who knows, maybe their name actually is “Anonymous.” And if this is the case, don’t you feel awful for ignoring them? Their parents clearly hated them for naming them “Anonymous,” so why should you add to their pain and suffering? It’s not their fault.

But most importantly, when they ask everyone how they are doing, don’t assume that they are simply trying to be polite or don’t know what else to say. They actually care about your well-being.

My name is Anonymous, and you have probably met me at my Alcohol meetings with my (former) boozy pals.

It is rough being anonymous, and I am very greatful (grateful? ah, whatever) to you for shining the spotlight of attention wear (where? like it matters) attention is needed most: on the poor, unrespected drones that so desperately need attention. Private and anonymous attention, natch.

Please reply to me in caps. I need more anger in my life. I have started to reply to some of my anonymous readers. I also visit their Web sites and leave friendly comments for them. If they are going to visit me, then I'm going to visit them.

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