this seems like an intersting story. I wonder waht rose is hidding. It get's to be a little confusing when all the girls are talking at once. And it is especially confusing why Cele is brushing sirius off. It's guessable but I think you might want to clarify that at one point, cause you did say they were best friends. Looks real intersting though

Great job! You're sort of foreshadowing about Rose, but in a subtle way, y'know? I like how you portray Celeste, changing her hair frequently and stuff, Lily not talking to James, Remus going to prefect meetings, James mentioning the word Marauders...you haven;t forgotten the little details people trying to write about the Marauders usually forget! Great work! add more!

Reviewer: weasley__Date: 01/27/08 0:27 Chapter: A time on the train with suspicions...

I like it.
You did introduce a lot of new OC's though, which made it tricky to follow, but it was still fantastic.

I believe that Rose is a vampire, am I correct? If so, that's a wise choice and it'd make it less cliche.

With all of the werewolf on werewolf stories, having Reamus fall in love with a vampire would be a nice change.

Keep writing, it's fantastic.

Author's Response: Actually... a werewolf with a vampire is cliche. It's been used in one of my favorite fics (Rapshode). It's kind of difficult and I'm still in planning. *smiles shyly*
Most of the OCs won't really be that important - some of them are round, but most are going to be in the background (and rise in the further part of the plot - such as Celeste's younger sister, who is the Black Sheep of the family).
:D Thank you for your reivew! I'll update one day, I promise.
~Meli♥

This si great!!!!! i still think that Rosie-baby is a werewolf!!!!!!!! but I dont know so please update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please update ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Response: Yes, you're right. Thanks for reviewing.
Your writer,
~Meli♥
P/s: At the moment I don't know if I'm going to add more to this. I doubt it, honestly. I've sort of given up on this. Besides that... I'm in Writer's Block. Thank you for reviewing though. :)

Well, I definitely think you've got a good start here. A couple of critiques: I agree with the other reviewer who said it seems like a tidal wave of new characters and personalities at the beginning. Try to stick with one pov (like you did with Celeste in Ch 2) and develop one or two characters at a time. Also, watch the Mary Sue-ism. Celeste is already well on her way, and Rose could get there quickly (a Metamorphmagus friends with a werewolf/sorceress/warlock demon caller/whatever?) Her secret might push her into Mary Sue territory.

The dialogue is great, though. Try to get a little more into their heads, feeling out for the emotions behind what they're saying. Try to work on the nuances of their personalities, rather than the huge secrets. Characters don't need huge secrets to be interesting!

Overall, it was a great start, and I think you're doing well!

Author's Response: Well, it's been two years since I've been trying to fix up Celeste (the first year being the year that I posted her up in the forums -- she was worse... :|). Thank you for posting up your concerns though. (Sorry if I sound rough, but I have heard it loads of times.)
Sorry about Rose and Celeste, but I'm trying.
Thank you for reviewing, Soap. Your advise was helpful as well as your compliments. :]
Your writer,
~Meli♥
P/s: This is, might I add, my first fic ever written since I was thirteen - at the time I'm sixteen (gong on seventeen next July) and I'm trying to start all over again.

i like this one. the mystery of Rose is a cliffhanger. but, you spelled pity wrong.i am waiting for the next chapter(s), unless they are already here.

Author's Response: Okay, don't worry, I'm working on it. :) It'll be up in about a week and I'm sure this time. In Celeste's point of view, but Rose's secret won't be found out. :D
~Meli

Reviewer: NatidaDate: 11/05/06 10:28 Chapter: A time on the train with suspicions...

I looooovvve it!
It's so good!
I'm writing a fan fiction and I was wondering if I could use Celeste
Please?

Author's Response: Um... thanks for reading.
~Meli
P/s: Sorry, but I don't want to give Celeste away... (I'm still trying to make her more 'human')

Author's Response: Yes, you can, Natida. I'll put up the next chapter by the time this week passes by and my Beta gives me the next chapter. :)

Reviewer: TeeliumDate: 07/28/06 8:29 Chapter: A time on the train with suspicions...

It was really nice to read about Celeste being a metamhorphagas.Metamhorphi is not a problem, though, it's a gift.So why was she ashamed?Is Rose a wearwolf?

Author's Response: She's ashamed because she is different from everyone else, even if she can look good for any guy.
About Rose... you will find out later!
~Meli
P/s: The answer is pretty obvious. (yes)

Author's Response: Did I put in yes? Well, (my bad!) Rose is not a wearwolf... she's something much more different... (Think about Underworld...)
~Meli
P/s: Thank you for reviewing!

Reviewer: Iwishiwern TamuggleDate: 07/09/06 17:16 Chapter: A time on the train with suspicions...

it's great, but about how long until the next chapter?

Author's Response: I have no idea how long the next chapter is going to take.
I just need to look for a beta again...
~Meli
P/s: Thanks for reviewing! :)

Reviewer: MelyDate: 06/08/06 15:57 Chapter: A time on the train with suspicions...

Reviewer: Arina Date: 03/18/06 16:42 Chapter: A time on the train with suspicions...

I can't say that it was the best opening chapter. It didn't really keep my attention and there were things that I could comment about on that I really don't feel like typing. But you are a good writer and I am looking forward to reading more.

Author's Response: Thank you! (I'm editing my past chapters, so that the story can be believable...)
Thanks for the comment! :)
~Meli

Reviewer: Gemma HawkDate: 12/22/05 10:08 Chapter: A time on the train with suspicions...

Hi! After hearing so much about all your characters on the forums, I decided that I should come here and have a look at the story itself. I only got to read the summary once, so I did an insane search looking for James+Lily4ever but no glory. I tried looking after “layers” which was the first word that I read in the summary, and found this.
Anyway, on to the review:
Your characters, especially your OC’s, are portrayed in an instant in this one chapter. This can be good, but seeing as there are so many, and we basically find out about all their good and traits, and their secrets in this one chapter, it’s a bit overwhelming. I suggest that you read Magical Maeve’s “Harry Potter and the daughter of light”; it introduces her OC perfectly in the first chapter. But in your story, it’s like being hit by a wave of personalities, and it’s a bit hard to swim through it all and find out what’s what, and who’s who.
I was a bit disappointed to see that we discover Celeste’s secret in the first chapter. I think that you should wait with such secrets until everyone is more attached to your character, and will be sitting on the edge of their chairs, wondering what Celeste is. Also, readers will care a lot more if you introduce Rose a bit more before telling us that she has a secret.
However, I do believe that Rose was portrayed very nicely in this chapter. Especially here: “"I'm a.....bit tired right now; please don't make me feel worse. I have an extreme head ache," Rose covered up the information that was a secret she had been trying to hide from the Marauders and her crush, Remus Lupin. She then moved her right hand to her head.”
I definitely think that Rose is a very well rounded OC, judging from this. But is it REALLY necessary to give us all the couples in the first chapter? I think that it’s a bit obvious that the couples will end as so: Remus/Rose, James/ Lily (Well, this one is obvious, of course!), and Sirius/Celeste. But why not pair Peter up with someone? I know that he’s a traitor, but that doesn’t mean that he never had a love of his life. Also, I don’t know if you’ve read HBP, but *HBP SPOILERS!* in the book, Remus is very hesitant about having Tonks as a girlfriend, so therefore I doubt that he would have one at school. I’m not saying that he would isolate himself, if anything, I doubt that very much. I think that at school he would try to have as many trustworthy friends as possible, but never want to get as close to anyone as a lover.
Speaking of characters, I think that Celeste is, well, a bit of a Mary Sue. Right now, I just see a random metamorphmagus, not an actual girl. You might want to work on that a little.
Another thing about this quote, “"I'm a.....bit tired right now; please don't make me feel worse. I have an extreme head ache," Rose covered up the information that was a secret she had been trying to hide from the Marauders and her crush, Remus Lupin. She then moved her right hand to her head. Why do you say “The Marauders and her crush, Remus Lupin”? I mean, wasn’t Remus part of the Marauders?
Now, unto your writing style. I think that you have a rough beginning here. The first paragraph is a little choppy. In it, you launch off into explanations of all the Marauders, which actually isn’t necessary. Have you ever heard the saying “show don’t tell”? It means that instead of telling us about their personalities, you should show them to us. Like JKR never says that Hermione is a bossy know it all when we first meet her, instead she shows us that Hermione is a bossy know it all through what Hermione says and how she acts.
However, after the start, your story seems to sail along smoothly, until BAM! The end. I think that you ended this chapter rather abruptly. Perhaps you were in a hurry to post it? I find that I often end chapters quite suddenly to see myself published. I see that you were leaving a cliffhanger, and the good thing about it was that you were building up to it. But like I said before, we simply need more information about Rose before we can really get ourselves excited about it.
I also can’t understand why you portray Peter the way you do. I mean, let’s take this quote: “Sirius Black was going to start his 6th year along side of James Potter, Remus Lupin, and well...Peter Pettigrew. Remus was the smartest and the one that put all of them in line and order. James was smart and normal as the same was Sirius. Peter was all the Marauders were not. He didn't fit in the Marauders, but the four were great friends since first year. All four were now on the train and talking about the new school year that would start.”
Alright, first off, why do you say “and well…. Peter”? I mean Peter was clearly part of the Marauders. I don’t think that you should be judging the Peter in here off the Peter that betrayed Lily and James four years later. I think that the betrayal had something to do with an internal battle with himself, not his relationship with the other Marauders. In PoA, Sirius and Remus are both very surprised when they find out the truth about Peter. Also, you say, “He didn't fit in the Marauders, but the four were great friends since first year.” If you insist on having this, you might as well explain why the Marauders accepted him into their group.
However, your writing style in the middle is simply superb, and I think that you have a nice, good firm grasp on writing fan fiction.
I can congratulate you on having perfect grammar and spelling! This must be one of the cleanest fictions that I have ever read.
I’m rating this 9/10, and I’m a harsh rater, so rest assured that I like this story. I’ll defiantly be checking back here for updates. Great job!
So, I bid thee farewell, and I do hope that you can use this review for the better good of your fiction.

Author's Response: Thank you thank you thank you!!!
I'm so sorry about you having to go through layers and layers...
You aren't a harsh rater. You actually pointed out my flaws. Not that many people do that, you know; and I'm hoping that my BETA will BETA over my old chapters again to get them onto here. I'm still going to send some chapters to my temporary BETA. :D
Once again: Thanks for reviewing. You are a wonderful help! :)
~Meli~

Reviewer: HeRmYgInSDate: 11/12/05 22:03 Chapter: A time on the train with suspicions...

Awesome job! I can tell this holds quite a lot of promise...you did a great job! I can't wait for more.....
:)

Author's Response: Glad to hear that. I'm working on editing the second chapter(it hasn't been accepted yet, but I shall be ready to put it in this week!).

Reviewer: XoDramaCutieXo Date: 11/11/05 9:40 Chapter: A time on the train with suspicions...

Hey hun! I'm your first review! Excellent job! I'm so proud of you and the corrections you made! Its a very strong first chapter filled with mystery and suspense! Makes me want to read Chapter 2 even more! I love it and I can't wait for Chapter 2 to be posted! Great job! Love your beta, DramaCutie <3

Author's Response: Okay, I'm editing the 2nd chapter, should I send it to you on the Forums?
I'm James+Lily4ever on that, but I'm getting all my stuff organized this week or the next...
Talk2ya later! :)

Author's Response: My fic is at www.harrypotterfanfiction.com with 3 chapters and running. I'll send you the 9th chapter when I'm finished ;).

Author's Response: My fic is at www.harrypotterfanfiction.com with 3 chapters and running. I'll send you the 9th chapter when I'm finished ;).