Sunday, September 29, 2013

I have realized something about myself in the past few days.... I have small simple dreams... and I am not all that worried about being rich, a millionaire or anything like that. I just want to be able to spend time with my family. That is more important to me than anything else.Thursday I took the kids to school. I get back home and realize that my son left his folder on the kitchen table. It had all his important stuff in it, so I ran it up to the school. Walking out of the school, I realized how much I really want to be home with my kids. How much I want to be there for them. How much I have missed out in the past years since I worked full time. I said a prayer that God would find me a way to make that happen. Later that day I met with a friend and we sat and talked for almost 4 hours! While we were talking she brought up a business opportunity. Later that day I went and listened to the presentation and it just sounded wonderful. I met with my friends "mentor" the next day to talk more. He asked me what my dreams were. The only thing I really could tell him was that I wanted to be home with my kids. I think he may have thought that I was slightly crazy because I didn't have huge dreams of having a mansion or traveling the world or anything like that. He asked me to think about other things that I want... I had to sit there and really thing for awhile in order to give him answer. For the first time in my life, I am so happy with what I have. A home for my babies, its small but its filled with love. I have my babies, a wonderful family, and great friends. And I have time!!! Time to be with my babies!!! That to me means more than anything else.Being laid off these past few months seriously has been an absolute blessing to me. I am so thankful that God put me here! It has opened my eyes to so much. Yea when I was working I always said that I wanted to not have to ever work again, but it was more because I didnt want to work there, not because I wanted to be home to be a better mom for my kids. I thought I was doing ok. This time off has opened my eyes and showed me how much better I could be.I know eventually I will have to back to work since I am a single mom and I am the only one bringing in an income. But I think this time around, my priorities will be different this time around.

Friday, September 13, 2013

I had so many different things that I wanted to write about. Of course tho, as soon as I sit down and start typing, my mind goes blank. I have been fighting a cold this week. With the temperatures going from 70 to 92 to 65... my body isn't handling it very well. I felt better yesterday but today when I woke my nose is running like crazy again. Ugh. I had an interview yesterday. I think it went pretty good. I was told that the manager would be calling me in for an interview. I think the guy that interviewed me yesterday was impressed with me. :-) The one thing he was unsure about was my piercings and tattoos. :-( I may have to take some out and cover others up. UGH!! I wish people looked at your qualification more than what you look like. Its not like I am crazy looking. My piercings are small and concervative. I don't have rings and rings and rings everywhere. I am not covered in tattoos. And the ones I do have are nice, not satanic, not dark and depressing, not negative or provocative looking. They are flowers that I get so many compliments on from senior citizens to young people. And I don't know, I might even bring more business because the people that have piercings and tattoos would not feel so judged by someone that doesn't have them! I was told a quote by someone the other day that said: The difference between people with tattoos and people without is that the people without tattoos don't care if you don't have tattoos. And it is so true. I have yet to meet someone that has a tattoo that judges someone because they are not tattooed. So I guess we shall see how it all goes. Its in God's hands.I have another interview today at a Nursing home for accounting. So we shall see how that goes! again... it's in God's hands. These past few months off had made me really realize that I would love to be a stay at home or just work part time if i could. I love being able to get the kids to and from school. Helping with homework everyday. If they are sick, being able to stay home with them and not have to worry about pay or not have to worry about getting fired. I love being able to make their beds after they are gone to school and get the house cleaned up. Love being able to have time to myself. Love being able to go grocery shopping and not worry about them acting crazy in the store or being at home with a sitter and I have to rush. I want to be here for them. I have felt so out of their life for the past 11 years. I have always worked. This is the first time (other than maternity leave) that I have been able to be there for them. Been able to spend all summer with them. Been able to help them every day with homework. This is the first time in I don't know how long that I haven't felt like a failure as a mom. I doubt I will ever be able to be a stay at home mom. I know whatever God's plan for me is good. It will work out. I am just hoping that some how being home with the kids more is a big part of the plan and not me always rushing and struggling. I know God has a plan. This past week or two I have realized a precious gift that God has given me... The gift of a gentle heart and an open mind. The past couple weeks I have had more people come to me with their issues, problems or whatnot. People I never would have ever expected to come to me for anything like this. Never thought I would be the person that they would come to for advice or anything... from my best friend, to a stranger, to my daughters father to other ex boyfriends, male friends, friends of friends. They all haven't been in the last week but over the past years. But this past week with some people coming to me... its made me realize everyone in my life that has. I am so thankful that I am able to be there for them in anyway that I can. I am happy that they trust me enough to confide in me with their issues. A lot of people think I am crazy for it. But its who I am. I want to help anyone. Even if you have hurt me, screwed me over, it is what it is. There was a reason at the time, and the past is the past. No point in dwelling. Alright now I feel like I am rambling on. Time to get up and shower and get ready for the interview. Wish me luck! Blessings N LoveOverthinking Mama