Monday, February 28, 2011

How far can you really go to be anonymous, seriously this may strange in the world today that I have even brought this thing up, in a world today when people vie for attention all the time how hard are you really prepared to remain unknown, unnoticed ????
have you ever felt the joy that comes out of being a commoner, many of us have not, and most of us do not even know that such a joy exists too, but sorry to break the image but there does indeed exist a feeling of infinite joy from being normal, to put it more appropriately ""A COMMON MAN"".
I have come across an infinite number of people who can go on and on about how they are seemingly different from the other people around them and how uncommon they are, but cut the BS people, no matter how hard you try you will remain no different than that person beside you so you may as well accept the fact.
I have lived a normal life, grown up normally and made my share of mistakes, had my share of victories and everything that comes in between, and I do not see anything different that most of the so called different people have done in their life. I have always striven to be normal and in fact I can say that I have done pretty well at it too, I can talk normally i.e without mixing two languages into one , I can eat normal food i.e without cribbing about ORGANIC and all that BS (I cook too so I know what it takes so as long the food is edible, I eat it), I can behave normally without asserting my superiority on others, and other normal qualities that makes me some guy on the street, heck I even travel on the back seat of the car as long as it gets me to my destination without killing me or breaking my back without complain.
Has anyone told you this "" OH !!!!!!!!!! SO YOU ""TOO"" ARE MR. Y'S SON, I THOUGHT HE HAD ONLY ONE SON"" , well the one son they are apparently referring to happens to be my brother, the too was meant for me, that's the anonymous me !!!!!
Seriously, I'm really proud of myself, for other than the closest relatives, close family friends and my village folk, people actually do not know that I am my dad's son, and now after many encounters and hearing some or the other version of the sentence mentioned above I just give a simple smile when I hear that, but I guess I have done my job pretty well too.
Strange as some people may say, for it may may appear so that I'm not proud of being my father's son, and for the record I'm proud of that but I have never lived in his shadow, I have weathered the elements on my own and made myself who I am today, though he has a great part to play in it but I still am ME, and I like being myself, for I am the original me, and do not go around advertising myself to be his son so that people come to know me, in turn generating a misplaced sense of self importance.
I am just another boy on the street who minds his own business, goes around doing his own stuff and likes being that way, for I do not need someone else to acknowledge my presence, I want to leave my own mark on the world, do things my way and live my life on my own terms, I do not wish to be someone's son, I do not want to hide in the shade fearing for what may happen if and when I leave, I chose to move on without the shade and the cover for I always know I will forever have the shade to go back to.
I wish I do not have to go back to the shade and I am able to grow wide and big and offer my own shade to others who may need it, and I do not know what fate has in store for me but until the day comes I will continue to be just another face in the crowd, another person on the street, just someone who is himself
""THE ANONYMOUS ME""!!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

i always end up helping out my loved ones sort their issues , the things that they would never have sorted out , the issues which bring their SO CALLED EGO"S in between , dont know why that ego thing pokes in between anyway.
i remember my mom telling me once when i told her that i would rather be a grounded person without an ego rather be one of those who attach the so called tag of self importance , ego and attitude to themselves to which she told me ""IKH NABHAKO MANCHE RA BISH NABHAKO SAAP KAILEI KAAM LAGDEINA "" (IN NEPALI - a person without an ego and a snake without poison are useless) to which i politely replied to her that ""AAMA BISHWA MA SABEI BHANDA THULO SAAP HERUKO BISH HUDEINA HAI YAAD RAKHNU NI "" (AGAIN IN NEPALI - the biggest snakes in the world are the ones without the poison) she gently smiled to me after i had said that .
i have tried to shed to the randomness and be a little less cluttered and more organized in the sense , even shed my arrogance and ego, the attitude too in the process of trying to re-invent myself , or rather to redefine myself into a better person .
funny but true is the fact that i grew up in a boarding school where we hardly spoke to girls even though it was co-educational, after that to a boys school and now am in a clollege with a skewed sex ratio which makes all the ladies here think they are the most beautiful ones on the planet.
i seriously needed to sort my issues with the opposite sex and well am on the process and i have only tried my hand at trying to be better understand the opposite sex .
what the girls look for in a guy is something that has totally intrigued me but i hope i come to address the needs of one girl , atleast be able to understand her properly, and so the journey continues and all i can do until then is to help my loved ones sort out their issues properly and keep them happy and until the day comes i continue to wonder how i help other people find love again but am still SINGLE !!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

there is nothing in the world that can cheer you up the moment you start feeling ALONE .
thats just what im feeling now , all alone , called up some loved ones , spoke to them but there is no other feeling like being with THE ONE, the one the sight of whom is enough to make you smile , the one who makes all your sorrows and worries fade away, the one in whose arms you feel you are loved.
that feeling has forever eluded me , the warmth of the feeling is just a thought for me , i have tried to reform myself time and again, i do not imply that i have bad taste for i know i have a fine taste in women and i am proud of that , but the moment of getting myself together to get into the RELATIONSHIP comes , i have never been able to get myself together , seriously dont know why but i seriously hope i can get over that someday and until that day comes by the glorious SINGLE tag stays with me ..

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

no dont worry the world is still not going to end in 2012 so hang on to ur seats
and aftr much thought and deliberation i have finally decided that i would really like to study finance and i have also received a seal of approval from the people concerned i.e me(who will study ) and DAD(the one who pays the fees) and all others are irrevelant anyway , so now onto my endeavor off i go !!!!!!!!!
i wanted to write this since some days but somehow it did not happen so no problems also today i did a 25 km cycle trip and was simply awesome, maybe among the best times i have had in my present place of residence in the last 4 years !!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

cant help feeling for myself right now, sometimes you so wish you could change a few things from your past but you just cannot , and you move on , all of a sudden like a bolt from the blue something happens and everything comes back
i have always been a fighter ,i will fight to the finish, no FUCKING way am i quitting even if i am destined to lose, i have chosen to but i will live with them for they are the reason i am who i am today and will go on to become

Monday, February 7, 2011

there is a note on my calculator that i have written which reads
""you are never lost until after you have found yourself""
i had actually written these words in some moment of contemplation that i have must have had some time earlier and i have always tried to put these words in practice and have striven to understand myself better so to be a better person and a human being .
like i mentioned last time i have been working on things and so that i can consciously feel myself , its been a grueling time for me to be frank but i have been trying to live by my words and hope can continue improving on it too
so i hope you too can reflect on the words above and ponder over it and hope to answer the eternal question of WHO am I ???????

Thursday, February 3, 2011

found a new way of venting myself and so ran my ass off this morning, when i say so i am sure i did not do 5 kms but for a lazy ass like me thats a huge number, 5000 meteres people!!!!!!
and i woke up at 6:30 too AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! , a full two hours ahead of regular time , wow !!!!!!!
i hope this creative streak remains and sustains itself letting me vent myself off peacefully while getting healthier in the process too
until then signing off
the guy with the family pack ABS

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

wow!!! i am 7 posts old now and its been almost a month too and it has been a ride for me , the first post with the ""well's"" and so on , it been a learning ride for me anyway and its been kind of fun too, and i write all shit so dont mind the literature because if you are reading this post then you probably got a lot of time to spare anyway .
but that is not what i meant to write, i just felt it would be good to put that in too,
getting back on course , i am in my room , its been a lazy afternoon and does not seem to be heating up too so i was just thinking and a thought crossed my mind which really left me thinking, you know some things that just leave you totally engrossed, thats what happened with me a few minutes back so i decided to write it down just in case you people had time to go through it .....
unlike many of my friends who went to school with me , i came from a village , and we actually lived there all year round too, so it was not like BUSTY KO GHAR thing (country home), and i remember those times when i was a little kid , the earliest memories i have is of the time when i was around 5 or so , anything before that which i do remember is not clear so that is the first clear memory, those days were the good old days and they were really good , the roads were still unmetalled so we had the dusty roads , the type of roads we so despise these days, the idyllic village life, i was in boarding school since Kindergarten so i just spent my vacations at home, but i grew up as a village boy , and deep down me i still am a village although i hardly spend time there now due to various factors. I remember growing up in the village , speaking a very pure form of my mother tongue , getting to see the true culture of my people , and in the process learning it too, and i am proud to say i can seriously put most of my friends to shame if i start speaking it even today, learning all that , for now who knows the difference between a KACHIA and a KHURPA (do you ???) and all the true terms, a thing that today has become a rarity , eating food in a JHARKE THAAL (traditional plate made from a brass alloy) sitting in a PARAAL KO PIRA (mat made from hay) , for how many of us have experienced it , and making a PLAEITI(crossed and folded legs, just like in yoga) when we have to take time to adjust to our position during DASEI KO TIKA(traditional festival) and BHAITIKA (another traditional festival) when we are left with no other option.
how many of us have access to the good life any more and do we even care ????????
the so called modern era dawned into sikkim only around the 2000's so when i see kids strolling around M G MARG these days (im one of them too sometimes when i'm home) i just remember those things and am left wondering
where is our culture ???????
where are our true traditions ????????
does anyone even care ??????
have we changed so much in such a short time that we do not even remember where we come from, who we are and what our identity is ,
when i hear kids say BUSTY KO GHAR GAKO NI CHUTTI KO LAGI !!!!(going to the village for the holidays) , i just wonder what the population of Gangtok was, for all of us came from the villages , if not all of us then definitely the most of us , all of us are here because of our parents who work here , so how do we assume that we belong here ??
i grew up in the village and i still come from there and when somone asks me even today if i am from Gangtok when i say i am from Sikkim i proudly say "NO , I'M ACTUALLY FROM A SMALL VILLAGE CALLED___________ IN SIKKIM" , unfortunately facebook does not have my village name so i make do with Gangtok and when i search my village's name the only substantial reply i get for it is its PIN code , yet i am proud of my place for that is where i am from, a place where my identity lies , and i know many of us wonder what the hell am i talking about , but this is the thing .....
first think can you even speak your mother-tongue perfectly???
simple right , so trying doing it and i am pretty sure you would be disappointed with yourself, and i know you are probably going to turn around and forget all about it , but if you have even the slightest hint of responsibility within yourself i believe you would think , and think hard , for a person who cannot speak his mother tongue , is supposed to carry on the culture and pass it on to the next generation .
i shudder and think and only wish i do not fall among those who cannot take on that responsibility , but do you want to be one of them with whom all this ends ????
""Give IT A THOUGHT"", that's the least you can do ..........