3. It is the name of Pokemon #524

4. It's a new brand of electronic soda, similar to e-cigarettes.

5. Like, it's that Switzerland cough drop company where a guy yells "E-BOLAAAAAAAA" in big weird horn on a quaint countryside?

That's Ricola.

6. A vaccine is being developed.

Yeah but it's being developed by EA so it'll probably come out with a bunch of DLC! Haha, videogames. But for real, maybe? I dunno.

7. Ebola is spreading quickly throughout the United States.

Let's put it this way: more people will laugh at that EA joke (8, 9 if you count someone laughing ironically) than have contracted Ebola in the United States.

8. Hey - remember that virus from 24 that one season? That was a pretty good season.

"Pretty good" is overstating it a little. The second half was alright (especially that Chapelle episode - you know the one), but the first half was pretty bad.

9. The only way to truly protect myself against Ebola is to tell Andrew Bridgman how cool and handsome he is and be all like "Wow, you're really good at Smash Bros. Whenever you lose, it's because you weren't ready or the other players were cheating."

Technically we cannot PROVE this is false. So this might be true. Only one way to tell, really. Ahem.