(I’ve been working in a grocery store bakery for about half a year. A customer has been coming here for years, multiple times a week, and is always rude, condescending, nasty, and never satisfied no matter what you do for her. She frequently demands things that are impossible, like chicken that takes twenty minutes to cook being done for her in five because she “knows how things work,” and is just generally a nuisance to everyone. I usually wind up dealing with her. Everyone else hates her, and while I do as well, I’m much better at not showing it. I’m in the back of the department when a coworker comes back asking for me. When I go up front to see what’s going on, I see the customer we hate standing there. She throws up her hands in exaggeration when she sees me.)

Customer: “Oooh, now, HOW did I know it was going to be YOU coming out of there?”

Me: *cheerful* “I’m here all the time! They can’t get rid of me. How can I help you today?”

Customer:*sticks loaf of unpopular but expensive glazed dessert in my face* “Honey, I am going across the street to my appointments for a few hours, and I want you to hold on to this for me! It’s my daughter’s birthday today, and if I don’t get this for her, it’s going to break her heart!”

(She always claims it’s her “daughter’s birthday,” and at this point, I have no idea if she’s just lying for the heck of it, or has some other issue, but I don’t care.)

Me: “Well, I’m off shift in about ten minutes, but we will put this back here behind the counter for you with your name on it, and all you have to do when you come back is ask and they’ll give it to you.”

Customer:*exaggerated gape* “Honey, what do you mean you’re just going to LEAVE it there? They’re going to give it to someone else; I know how places like this work!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have many loaves of this left on the shelf, so nobody will try to take yours, and it will be safe right here for you personally when you come back, promise!”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Come on now, sweetie, you have to take care of your customers!”

Me: “Well, as I said, ma’am, I am off shift very shortly, and I promise you it will be right here waiting for you. Everyone knows who you are.”

Customer:*staring at me with her jaw still literally dropped as if I’ve just started barking at her* “So you’re NOT going to stay to take care of a customer’s order?”

Me:*still smiling* “We have you covered, ma’am.”

Coworker: “Um, it’s no problem, ma’am, I’m here until the store closes. I’ll make sure we have it for you!”

(The customer didn’t respond, but instead snatched her cart and loudly clattered it around to storm off, banging into shelves. I watched her go up to the front desk and start gesturing angrily, jabbing her hand back in my direction. I later found out she claimed I was “refusing her service”… by not staying several hours past my shift end to guard her item, I guess. This was something she’d done before, and she never ever came back for the items she made us hold for her. Fortunately, management all knew she was full of it… She always had several unreasonable complaints a week! And people wondered why I was so happy when I had my last shift there last month.)

Me: “And I do appreciate that. You may purchase four cases at [price per case plus shipping].”

Customer: “But shipping is free, right?”

Me: “No. Based on your address your shipping would be approximately [amount].”

Customer: “WHAT?! That’s outrageous! I’ll only buy them if you offer free shipping for that price!”

Me: “I’m sorry; we do not offer free shipping. All of our items ship frozen. We need to ship via freezer truck or in the case of small orders such as yours, package them with dry ice and overnight them with FedEx. We cannot offer free shipping.”

Customer: “But it’s for my WEDDING!”

Me: “I understand that, but we cannot meet your request.”

Customer: “I really want these!”

Me: “I’m very happy to hear that; however, they are [amount] per case plus shipping.”

Customer: “Fine! I guess I won’t have them! At my WEDDING!” *practically screams into the phone*

(After working in my local bakery, I’ve become quite adept at doing multiple things at once. I’ve recently moved to a new location and, whilst serving a customer, my coworker knocks a loaf from the shelf. Since we need to dispose of any dropped produce, it’s important to catch it. Without really thinking, I reach out, catch the loaf and place it back on the shelf with my left hand and turn back to my customer with their change. At this point I notice almost everyone in the crowded store is silent and staring at me.)

Me: “Erm… what…?”

Coworker: “That catch… That was amazing.”

Me: “Huh?”

Coworker: “You didn’t even look and you caught the loaf whilst you were counting change…”

Customer: “Yeah. It was really impressive. Do you juggle of something?”