{Adoption} Meeting her birth mom

Cate was a little quieter than usual at first, but the more she told her about learning to ride a bike and her school, the more herself she became. Before too long, she was asking questions and telling stories packed with details as usual.

In this scenario that unfolded in a restaurant parking lot in October, my daughter had the chance to meet her birth mom. My 6-year-old girl told me later she didn’t know how meeting her would be. As her mom, I was so excited about this meeting, even though I wasn’t exactly sure how it would go either.

The circumstances of the day prompted the conversation weeks before between her birth mom and I. It was going to be logistically convenient for Cate to meet her. So we talked about it. I told her about how I thought it would be for Cate. She shared what she was comfortable doing.

And we did it.

And I’m so thankful we did.

Cate actually saw her birth mom when she was 3 months old and she’s heard about her since. I showed her a picture of the woman who gave her life for the first time on her sixth birthday earlier this year. Each conversation we have reveals more about the story I love to tell.

I adored Cate’s birth mom from the day we met almost seven years ago. We’d eat lunch at restaurants after her doctor’s appointments, and we’d drive the 4 1/2 hours back home so thankful for her. Yes, she gave Cate life and gave us a family. But I also genuinely enjoyed being around her. Just a couple months shy of 19 when she birthed Cate, she’s gone on to finish college, marry, and work as a nurse in the past 6 1/2 years.

For my daughter to get a taste of that last month was such a blessing.

We ended up sharing another meal together, this time with our extended families. At that table of 19, my girl chose to sit next to her birth mom. And her birth mom graciously and bravely got to know the Cate I’m proud to call my daughter.

Yes, Cate is only 6. But she’s so accepting of adoption right now, which is why I believed it to be a good time for this meeting to happen. I also know how Cate remembers details of events and people. And her birth mom is a person I certainly want her to remember.

________

Like every child is different, I know every adoption is different. Birth moms process adoptions differently and want different kinds of relationships throughout the process and in the years that follow. And that’s OK.

Our story with Ben’s birth mom is different but one we also value and hold dear. A boy with a different personality, Ben isn’t in the same place with Cate as adoption. And that’s OK too. We still talk about it.

So much of adoption is faith. Faith in God. Faith in the birth moms. Faith in the process. Faith in the conversations that come as the kids grow up. But I believe adoption stories matter.

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About Me

Telling stories is my therapy and love sharing with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our fifth-grade girl who never forgets, our have-no-fear second-grade boy, and our joy-filled toddler girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.