WWE Velocity by The Cubs Fan

3.8.2

BLAH

Perhaps I should find a better place to put that instead of wasting space at
the start of a report, but that wouldn't be as fun. That does remind me,
though...

Me Being Entirely Too Predictable: So, I watched SlamBall - kinda
half paid attention to the post-RAW free preview, than watched the replay
Saturday night (which would be after this, but you know the same show aired
before it so I can pretend.) I was really bored with it on Monday but maybe
because I was paying actual attention to it. I wondered many things (not the
least of which: "they had footage from previous games? How does that work?
This is the first show!") but I guess the concept's okay. You wonder what's
gonna happen when even the wild breakaway dunks become passť, since that seems
to be the draw - maybe they'll keep figuring out other stuff? It's the TLC
curse.

It bugged me, that for all the talking about it being a Real Game, they
didn't do a lot of Real Game stuff - like throwing graphics up of individual
statistics. They were keeping track, because they had them when they wanted to
hype one of their key players and for awarding the player/goat of the game, but
otherwise they were just a myth. I did like what they were doing with the
graphics they did, but it's those little things that make it seem more like a
Real Sport, instead of some psuedo-Sport. I'd think it'd also build interest in
the individual players - they can run all the halftime features about how great
a guy they want, but there's no better way to show that he's backing it up than
showing that he's got lots of points and lots of dunks.

But then I tried that line of thinking before and it didn't get me for - the
SlamBall website has bio info but no stats so far, so I suppose it's a lost
cause.

They need to avoid those wide angle shots - there's a cartoonish aspect to
the bouncing that makes it tough to take it seriously, and the tighter shots
help speed up the game more, plus hides that they have about as much attendance
as a hockey semi-pro team. I hope the NBA Jam people are making money off of
this. Reggie Theus is perfect as the video game announcer - just because you
know he'll run out of pre-written lines by game 10. And for the love of god,
prohibit the three if people are gonna shoot that bad; maybe that's why they
didn't show shooting percentages!

It's watchable, but nothing I'd go out of my way to watch or obsessively
recap. Probably. I guess 1.5 rating for the first show (because of all the
replays), and it settles down in the .8-.9 range.

You want Velocity results? Okay.

TV14DLV CC entertainment open - check out all the Triple H and Benoit
Fireworks. Your announcers suck. (Cole and Leary.)

Hardcore Holly vs Albert - Cole: "I love Hardcore Holly."
Well, at least he's honest about it. They make fun of the Elvis guy mugging
behind them during the live shot, as soon as they get to voice over. Circle,
Albert goes right for the scissors kick (I guess - we barely catch it), but Bob
moves. Right, right, right, Albert with a right that misses, but a left
clubs the back of the head. Hard into the corner buckle. "Chris Benoit,
Eddie Guerrero, two of the greatest workers in the business today" the
WHAT? Albert with a right. Right. Corner whip, Albert charges into a Hardcore
boot. Holly charges into an Albert smash. Splash, but Bob moves. Right. Choo.
Right. Chop. Akbert throws him in the corner, right misses, Hardcore with a
kick, kick, kick, right, chop, whip, reversed, clothesline misses, Albert with a
scissors kick. One two no. Cole hypes the SmackDown Taping tomorrow all night,
without actually saying the words "SmackDown! taping." Kick. Right.
Rights but Hardcore has arms work to block - that only works till get gets
knocked down. Boot choke, stomps, boot choke. Hiptoss out of the corner. Albert
sets up - corner smash. Choke on the ropes. Cole says Albert's been much more aggressive
in the last few weeks; I guess aggressive means "loses a lot."
Slingshot into the second rope. One two no. Chinlock. Holly with rights - off
the roes, right into a back elbow. Albert goes for the Vader Bomb, and this week
his chin meets boots. Albert recovers, charges, gets a drop toe hold into the
middle ropes. Flying forearm. Whip, reversed, the best dropkick in the business
one two no. Cole calls Bob a former IC champion. Right. Chop. Chop. Corner whip,
reversed, Bob rebounds into a press slam, but manages to fall behind. Waistlock,
Albert to the ropes, Holly's rebounded back. But he's up quick - forearm to the
back, lifting the legs, there's the Super Low Blow. Holly going all the way up -
cross body one two NO. Holly's setting up - no, Albert ain't going up for the Alabama
Slam, Albert with a forearm to the back. Albert with a powerbomb lift, but Holly
punches his way out of it. ALABAMA SLAM! One two three. (4:29) That was
quite impressive.

Brock's trail of destruction later. And the newest switch next.

During the break, Hardcore Holly had words for Loyd - and slapped him.
Can you really blame him?

Mike Awesome vs Faarooq - I think they play the APA music really quiet
to make it sound like the fans are really loud. Lockup, Faarooq's pushed in the
corner, back elbow, back elbow. Right. Right. Kick. Corner whip, reversed,
Faarooq charges in, Awesome gets a boot up but Faarooq catches it, spins him
around, back suplex. Awesome grabs his head and rolls out , but Faarooq is out
after him. Right. Smash into the stairs. Kick to the rings. Off the ropes,
shoulderblock. Off the ropes, drop toe hold into the ropes. Awesome with a
clothesline one two no. Slam. Going up. Top rope clothesline one two no. Stomp.
Stomp. Right. Right. Right. Off the ropes, clothesline. Cole: "Seems pretty
sure to me that SmackDown is the better show!" Choke on the ropes. Faarooq
with a right, Awesome with an eye rake. Right. Forearm to the back. Camel
clutch. Fans are asleep. I may soon join them. Sit down on the back. Back to the
clutch. Cole thinks Brock would be the youngest ever WWE Champion if he won at
SummerSlam. Awesome goes for another sit down, but Faarooq turns over and
Awesome (supposedly) gets knees. Awesome with a right, blocked, Faarooq hits
one. Repeat. Whip, powerslam, cover (but Awesome has his left arm up and pushing
against Faarooq's head for some reason - that shoulder is clearly not down as a
result) one two he kicks out. Slam, no Awesome goes behind, kick, DDT. Yelling.
Stomp. Off the ropes, kick to the chest. "Get up! Get up!" Off the
ropes, right into the spinebuster one two no. (3:53) Awesome goes to 0-2
in his return.

Coming up, the newest members of SmackDown! And what's Brock been doing on
SmackDown since he jumped?

JVC Brock F5 on Henry and Hogan of Two Weeks ago.

How we set up next week's main event. (8:05)

One Half of the Cruiserweight Tag Team Champions Billy Kidman vs Funaki in
a Cruiserweight match - Cole: "I am not in to this threesome
stuff!" k. Circle, Kidman with a hammerlock, back elbow, right, Funaki with
a waistlock, back elbows by Kidman off the ropes, hip toss by Funaki blocked,
hip toss by Kidman blocked, Kidman with the Cruiserweight flip out escape, ducks
the clothesline off, the ropes, slides under, kick to the midsection, whip,
Funaki goes for a bodyscissors but Kidman hits the face first powerbomb. One two
no. Right. Whip, reversed, Marc Loyd is married, Kidman kips out but gets a kick
to the midsection, and takes the super bump into the corner post, all the way to
the floor. Funaki throws Kidman shoulder first into the barricade, for even more
fun. Kidman thrown in, cover one two no. Armbar. Kidman in pain but not giving
up - getting up, rights, corner whip. Charge in but no one's home - armbar
takedown! Cover one two no. Cranking the bad arm. Stretching the bad arm around
the ropes. Stomps. Cole: "Kidman's always near the number one contender
spot for the Cruiserweight title" - he's right, you know. Stomps on the
arm. Armbar, flipping him down, legdrop on the arm, armbar. Keeping it on for a
while. Kidman battling up again with rights, kick, suplex, no, armbar takedown
again! Feet on the ropes is rather blatant. Funaki to the apron - shoulder to
the gut, shoulder - no, Kidman jumps up, and Kidman his a guillotine legdrop.
There's the layout knee neckbreaker. Kidman trying to massage some life into
that arm. Funaki up, right misses, Kidman with a right, right, right, corner
whip, rebound clothesline. One two no. Slam, no, Funaki goes behind, kick is
caught, enziguri is not. One two no. Kidman tries to escape a facelock, but it
gets turned into a DDT anyone - one two no. Funaki deciding the best way to
attack that arm is to go up - Kidman charge sup to charge him, rights, but
Funaki pushes him down. Kidman up again - top rope 'rana! One two NO! That's
sorta his move! Whip, reversed, Kidman goes for the Short Powerbomb but his arm
hurts too much and Funaki breaks free. Kick to the gut, oh no powerbomb, there's
the faceslam. Funaki does most of the work himself there, falling forward.
Kidman positions Funaki - to the top, Shooting Star Pres. One two three. (5:29)
I thought he didn't break that out on this show! No change to the ladder.

Up next, who jumped latest?

RBK Jericho jumps on Monday - this is shown because Jericho left SmackDown! I
guess. (5:10) Hogan vs Brock! Rock vs Brock! Wow, the graphics for
SummerSlam are unusually colorful and kinda ugly.

Backstage, Hurricane and Shannon Moore talk. Well, kinda.
"Shannon, man, I just want to say I think you did really good, in that tag
match against Chuck and Billy last week. We may have lost last week, but we got
them again tonight. You know, don't feel any shame in losing against those guys,
they are the former tag team champions, so they are, they're good, but I think
that we can still take them. But what we got to do to, is keep our eyes - your
eyes, and the Eyes of the Hurricane - on Rico. Don't let him distract us like he
did last week. But more to the point, if he gets involved in any way shape or
form, I say we skin those Alligator pants right off him. [handshake] Let's
go." Hey, what does it say when they have Hurricane talk for you?

Billy and Chuck (w/Rico) vs the Hurricane and Shannon Moore - Marc:
"Marc Loyd's stylist, with Billy and Chuck." Cole notes the similar
hair styles. Shannon's 195 pounds, if I'm doing basic match right. I haven't
noted it before so there you go. Recap of Billy and Chuck being mad because the
tag team belts have changed show - hey, why don't they just jump shows and go
after them? Hurricane and Billy to start - Hurri-pose. Lockup, Billy with a
kick, jab, turnbuckle smash, jab, whip, clothesline misses, Hurricane with a
spinning headscissors. "Japanese Shining Wizard!" One NO Billy ain't
going down to that move. Cole talking about what a great athlete Billy is. Whip,
reversed, Back elbow misses, Hurricane with a kick, legs are caught so Hurricane
reverses to a bodyscissors bulldog one two Chuck breaks it up with an elbow drop
that hits Bill. Shannon in - double Billy corner whip, Billy is crotched and
dropped in the Tree of Woe, with Hurricane doing groin stomp. Shannon kicks
Billy in the opposite corner. Shannon whips Billy, drop toe hold, and Chuck's
face meets Billy's groin. Double Hurri-pose! Shannon is asked to leave the ring
- Chuck gets in a clothesline on Hurricane when he's not looking. Billy grabbing
himself, makes it to his corner for a tag. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.
Cole says "Chuck Palumbo", overhead belly to belly suplex. One two no.
Run back first into Billy's corner - Tag out. Chuck with rights form outside
while Billy kicks. Talking about Billy's rodeo scholarship. Hanging suplex - no,
wow, Jackhammer. Billy doing one of his old solo poses. Tag to Chuck, elbow
drop. One two no. Off the ropes, elbow drop one two no. Sleeper by Chuck. One
arm raise. Two arm raise. Three - no, thumbs up! Up to his feet, elbowing out,
Chuck with a forearm to keep him down. Discus punch is ducked, right, right,
right, corner whip, reversed, Chuck charges in t0 a boot (catching Chuck right
on the chin) - Overcast! Announcers have forgotten the name of that move
already. This is his chance to make the tag - can he? Shannon is only 22? He's
younger than me! That doesn't seem right, considering how long he's been around.
Tag to Billy, tag to Shannon - ducks the clothesline chap shot for Billy - clothesline,
clothesline, clothesline, off the ropes, flipping swinging neckbreaker. Going
all the way up - corkscrew moonsault bodyblock one two Chuck breaks it up.
Hurricane up, right fur Chuck, double whip , double backdrop. Double clothesline
to take him out. Double clothesline to Billy but he ducks it - Rico pulls
Hurricane out, and Hurricane punches him down. Rights for him, but back in the
ring, there's a Fameasser on Shannon one two Hurricane back in to break it up!
Whip, reversed, HURRICHOKESLAM! He's not even surprised anymore. Rico in - Rico
thrown out. COVER HIM. Oh no, he's gong for the cape. Hurricane going up -
PLANCHA ON RICO! Well that was neat but I don't think it'll help. Back on the
apron - Billy up and snapping his neck over the ropes. Stomp to Hurricane. Billy
going up? Doesn't seem to be a wise more - he's crotched. Shannon going up with
him - top rope 'rana? Well, before he can do it, Chuck's back in, so Shannon
jumps for the 'rana on him, but Chuck blocks, pulls him back up, turns him
around - Billy top rope clothesline and that's it one two three. (6:27)
Hurricane tried to make the save, but was just short. I think Hurricane and
Shannon need a Plan C.