The Scary Door

The Scary Door is a popular television show on Earth. Each episode consists of a scene that is a pastiche of episodes of the Twilight Zone, or another subject of science fiction. When watching The Scary Door, everyone appears unmoved and Bender Bending Rodríguez has even said, "saw it coming". This may mean that it is a very predictable television program.

Contents

Narrator: You are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.

Last Man: [Walks into library]

Narrator: As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth.

Last Man: Finally, solitude. I can read books for all eternity! [drops his glasses] It's not fair, it's not fair! [calms down] Wait, my eyes aren't that bad; I can still read the large-print books. [reaches for a book, his eyes fall out] [hysterical] It's not f- [calms down] Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. [He screams as his hands fall off, his tongue then falls out before his head falls off.]

Narrator: You are entering the realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter... The Scary Door. Please send a man 'round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

Clyde Smith: [Smith is run over by a car, then awakes in a casino. He plays the slot machine and wins] Ha-ha-ha! A casino where I'm winning? That car must've killed me. I must be in heaven!
[wins again]

Clyde Smith: A casino where I always win. That's boring. I must really be... in HELL!

Sebastian Cabot: No, Mr. Smith. You are not in heaven or hell. You are on an airplane!
[unrolls the curtains, revealing the airplane windows. A creature sits on the wing of the plane, ripping wires out of it]

Narrator: You're on a scenic route through a state recreational area known as the human mind. You ask a pass-byer for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding The Scary Door.

Scientist: [A mad scientist is seen mixing chemicals] I have combined the DNA of the world's most evil animals to make the most evil creature of them all. [A pod opens flowing with clouds of steam]

Narrator: Imagine if you will, an announcer you can barely understand, he refers to a [mutters], but you're not quite sure what he said. He seems to be eating something, or perhaps he's a little drunk. It's remotely possible that he just said something about the Scary Door.

[A farm is shown. Suddenly, UFOs appear and start shooting everything. The military also suddenly appear to fight the aliens]

Private: It's all over! Our guns and bombs are useless against the aliens.

Farmer: The saucers! They's a-crashin'!

Narrator: In the end, it was not guns and bombs that defeated the aliens, but that humblest of all God's creatures, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. [Tyrannosaurus Rex hits down an alien saucer.]

Narrator: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock, but it will open... The Scary Door. Submitted for your Emmy consideration, a popular senator with unpopular ideas.

Narrator: Enclosed is a .pdf attachment, a picture of yourself in a boat on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river. That's how. It is flowing down the eerie canal to... The Scary Door. That's eerie with two Es

[A scientist finishes wielding a robot.]

Narrator: Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zeus, an inventor with a terminal case of the lazies.

Daniel: This robot will do everything for me! Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

[The robot does so. Daniel lies back on a chair.]

Daniel: Ah!

[Later...]

Daniel: Next, assume my social obligations.

[The robot does so. Years later, the scientist is now old and an official enters.]

Official: Dr. Daniel Zeus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to...your robot!

[The official gives the robot a trophy. A boy then enters.]

Boy: Daddy, I love you!

[The boy turns away from the scientist and hugs the robot.]

Daniel: If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for! Robot, experience this tragic irony for me!