Hello, fellow unicorns. I’d say “Happy Friday,” but with the way people are dying this month, it feels strange to do so. Let’s knock wood for all our favorite celebrities and take a look at other news stories from the past week.

A lot seems to be happening in Oregon this week, not the least of which are some misguided white dudes with guns holding up a bird sanctuary. Let’s get into some of the news that caught my eye this week:

Happy New Year, unicorns! I hope you aren’t too hungover for some news today. I took last week off because of Christmas, and who needs grim news on Christmas? Certainly not me; I’ve had enough of that in the past. That said, I’ve also got some non-grim stories to take along with your Alka-Seltzer.