So, I wrote this article about my Easter discomfort, and it threw me into two worlds. The first world is the one I adore, where recovering evangelicals and other misfit truth-seekers cling to each other and celebrate discovering a (rek)new(ed) way to be.Â The second world is the world of religious debate, in which people–people who I like and respect and admire–spend a great deal of time trying to convinceÂ me thatÂ “we” are wrong and “they” are right.

IÂ get why this is. I get that in the evangelical/fundamentalist world view, there is a Right and a Wrong and never the twain shall meet. Furthermore, for these folks getting things Right is highly valued. In part, this is because not getting it right results in not being right with God, and ultimatelyÂ in a really long stay in Hell. So it stands to reason thatÂ people who hold this worldview want to debate with you about the places where your ideologiesÂ and their ideologies do not match up. Of course they want you to come to The Right. They like you. Maybe they even love you. They want you to fix your thinking because they care. They really care.

The problemÂ with this is that we are experiencingÂ cross-cultural dissonance here. Because in the post-modern world, there isÂ not a Right and a Wrong in the same black-and-white sense that there is in modernist country. In the post-modern world truth is not seen as a concrete, attainable goal, but as an intriguing, slippery beast. To post-moderns there is more than one true way of answering the same question–and so the questions, and not the answers are tantamount. In the post-modern zeitgeist, this is fine, because you can hold two different truths in one open palm. But in the modernist milieu, that is not an option.

So, to use a phrase of my father’s “Let me say this about that.“….My target audience is this post-modern group of malcontented seekers. Malcontented Seekers. I know it’s an awkward phrase, but both of these words are important here.

Malcontented: by which I mean “requiring change, discontent.”Seekers:Â Â by which I mean “not willing to stay in the discontent, but being eager to create/discover something proactive and positive, something (re)new(ed).”Â

I have readers who are modernists, and I thank you for being here. But I’m asking you to please remember that you already have a place to belong. A place to live out your beliefs. A place where others share your convictions. It’s a super well established place with lots of support for your way of being. You can live there in comfort. But the others–the malcontented seekers–not so much. They are out there on their own:Â beat up and disoriented; hungry and eager; excited to find something new, and more than a little bit sad that they had to leave the former behind. It’s a difficult place to be. And these folks, they need a safe place, and they need to find each other. That’s what I do here. It’s what I strive to achieve.Â That is mycurrent calling.

So, if you are one of those lucky folks who live happily in a safe and content place;Â one of those folks who know the Truth and the Truth works for you; ifÂ you Â feelÂ confident in your understanding of things like Jesus, and Easter, and Sin and Redemption–I’m happy for you. Believe me, we all sometimes wish we were there with you. But we aren’t, and we literally cannot be there again. So please try to understand. We aren’t rejecting you. We aren’t trying to pull you out of what you know, or convince you that you are wrong and we are right. But your language is no longer our language, your culture is no longer our own, and the basis for how you form your understanding of the world — the idea that the Bible holds all the answers, or that faith is cut-and-dry, or that all our holy stories are literally true–these thingsÂ are no longer bedrock for us. So we may miss each other a bit, we may not always connect. And that’s okay. We can still be significant one to another. But we need you to let us explore.

What this means for me, personally, is that I won’t always respond to all the comments from modernist Christians. I just can’t. I’m a chronic pain survior, I’mÂ the mother of several, and I’m an ExPat trying to live in a foreign and difficult (for me) culture. That doesn’t leave a lot of energy for me to play with.Â The energy I’m left with I amÂ JOYOUSLY compelled to give to my malcontent friends and soulsibilings who’s questions lead them to seek truth in the margins. These are the edge-dwellers and myÂ passion leads me to them — leads us to each other. SoÂ their thoughts and concerns will get the bulk of my time. I hope you understand.

That being said, thank you for all who have commented here, and on BlogHer, and on Twitter, and especially on Facebook, where the discussion is the most active. I appreciate your passion, your concern, and your gorgeous hearts and minds.

And to those of you who have come to those same places to be pissy, or sad, or curious, or hopeful, or all of the above–I am so, SO glad you are here. I know that together we can form a giant pool of wisdom that will allow us to create a way of living that doesn’t do damage to our souls.Â Come join me on the picnic blanket, and bring your most favorite passions–especially the one’s you’ve had to keep under that mattress until now. We’re going to have fun!

Wow Rachelle, this is BRILLIANT!
Thank you! Yes I am a malcontented seeker & a recovering born-again Christian. I just realized this last weekend the part about the recovery.
I have had a TREMENDOUS amount of loss in my life due to this.
And right now I am sitting in the midst of all of that….feeling the intensity of that loss….and then….beginning to imagine….what needs to be created out of all of this….
One of the things I realized recently is that I may still believe, but just use different words…such as rebirth has now replaced born again…when I saw that, I began to wonder if it is just the wording that doesn’t resonate for me. Well, no, actually you hit the nail on the head. Even when I was a born again Christian, I never imposed my beliefs on anyone else. I didn’t live in the field of right & wrong then….and I don’t now…
Thank you! You helped me know that there are others out there like me, when I am here all alone…

But the othersâ€“the malcontented seekersâ€“not so much. They are out there on their own: beat up and disoriented; hungry and eager; excited to find something new, and more than a little bit sad that they had to leave the former behind. Itâ€™s a difficult place to be.

That is me, exactly. Thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart, for putting this words out there and letting the rest of us know that we are not in this metaphorical boat alone.

I came across a blogger today and in her profile she stated that she was an Eclectic Spiritual Being. I thought hmmmm, that sounds like me. Then I hop over here and find Malcontented Seekers-yep sounds like me. Grief pushed what was always lying within to the surface. Yet there are few that I can discuss either with. I have to believe in nothing or exactly one thing all the way or I am a called a hypocrite or just crazy. So glad my journey & the universe led me to you Rachelle for I am so grateful.

I am particularly happy that the space you carve out has room for such a variety of backgrounds. I have become a Malcontented Seeker from a completely different direction, but the ideas you put forward ring true nonetheless.

Thanks so much for what you say here. I have been confused for quite some time and now that i am a Mom I am more at battle with what I know and how I feel. Just so you know this brought a moment of comfort in that battle and will even refer back to it when I need comfort in the search. Thank you, I am so glad I know you and that I am blessed you are out there .

This is just so good, Rachelle. Your description of the evangelical/fundamentalist view is spot on, it’s that strange mixture of knowing that they really do care, and you want them to gently step back and everyone love Jesus as best they know how. I love how you’ve outlined the space that we questioners need – and it’s funny, I was in our beloved home church for years that intuitively gave me that space. I don’t know exactly where I fall, but it’s sure as hell not in a small (Baptisty) parenting Bible study group I’m in now, in this new town – I feel so lost and not good enough, and yet their beliefs are oddly comforting. I fluctuate between wanting to be like them – to go backwards – and then my soul flipflops, knowing that I am simply a square peg in a round hole. My people are out there, I’ve just got to find them.

Thank you all for your comments and support. I’ve recived some difficult push-back this week, some from people I love, and it’s good to have the resistence far out-weighed by the support. I know that I what I do here is powerful, and is meeting a deeply felt need. Furthermore, I know that we are crafting an exisistence together that offers more shalom to our own souls, and thus to the world.

Thank you so much for being on this journey with me together.

Today I have a long meeting and tomorrow is dedicated to email, but I hope to have another post on niceness, authenticy and the benefits of being pissy up sometime this weekend. And of course, my regular weekly post at BlogHer will be up by Sunday midnight. I hope you will all come along and continue the search together.

Getting to this entry a bit late, but I wanted to let you know how much I love your terms — “soul siblings,” “edge-dwellers,” “malcontent seekers.” Such a deeply refreshing change from the cut-and-dried “fundamentalist” or “liberal.” I often feel like your blog entries are more of a church service than the ones I go to (or skip) every Sunday morning because your writing reaches my soul where it’s at now. I’m sorry about the critical words being sent your way; I experienced some of that last November when word got out that I *gasp* voted for Obama, and I literally had to make a list of every person I knew who was still supporting me so I wouldn’t lose heart. You are heartily welcome to add my name to your list… and I can’t wait to read your next BlogHer article about Jesus’s death!

I like that you have chosen to say (and how you’ve said it) that this is a space for the malcontents–instead of trying to keep up debates with those who “know the truth”.

I feel like you’ve given a good name to us–“malcontented seekers”. The definition so describes me.

It’s lonely out here as a malcontented seeker. If I tell people in my church about what I really think–I’ll be looked at differently. I’ll be looked down on. They will feel burdened for me.

I notice that on you’re blog there are usually only comments from people who agree with you. So far this has been a place for the malcontented seekers, and I like that. It makes me feel not so alone, and not so lost.

By coincidence, a true friend of mine though removed from my life by distance and time, asked me if I knew this blog as it reminded her of myself; an unsatisfied expat living in Cph with a tortured soul.. and I immediately followed the link and found tears coming on as I read through this passage, the realization dawning on me that still, despite the efforts over several years to repress, recover, mend, negotiate, convince and rationalize I remain beaten and disoriented. The lonliness is unbearable.

Life has been shadow since the concept of hope evokes distaste and sneers from within as reactivley as though my shin were hit with a rubber mallet. I never was a religious person. I don’t have nice feelings for organized religion but I held belief in things, ideas, and people. Losing both hope and belief makes it painful to look back and impossible to move forward.

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â€œWhen I turn to Rachelle for help, her words are like the fine tuning of my soulâ€“the interpretation of a truth that is sometimes hard to find. Itâ€™s golden to be heard and understood.â€

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-- Flock Member, Marie Tretiakova

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Testimonials

â€œWhen I turn to Rachelle for help, her words are like the fine tuning of my soulâ€“the interpretation of a truth that is sometimes hard to find. Itâ€™s golden to be heard and understood.â€

-- Flock Member, Tracey Henton

â€œI think it says a lot that I refer to this community mentally as â€˜my Flockâ€™. Thereâ€™s a sense when logging in of kicking back and relaxing, knowing that no-one is judging or trying to trip you up.â€

"With vision and heart, Rachelle brings her passionate commitment to soul-care to life, creating a nest for creative spiritual misfits looking for that just-right fit. Itâ€™s a gift of love and inspiration and lights a powerful way.â€

-- Jamie Ridler, certified life coach

"Rachelle seems to always know what I need to read. I savor her Flock emails like a piece of caramel. Then I give a *sigh* of comfort."

-- Flock Member, Marie Tretiakova

"Few people know how to tend the soul like Rachelle Mee-Chapman. A curator of everything exquisite and salvageable from the spiritual traditions. Rachelle understands how to craft a nest where comfort gives way to calling, where self-care reveals with compassion your finest, truest self."