'The Amazing Race' recap, 'Be Safe and Don't Hit a Cow'

April 01, 2013|By Amy Watts, for The Baltimore Sun

I'm filling in for your regular recapper, Janell. I'm usually on b's dance show beat, covering "Dancing with the Stars" and "So You Think You Can Dance." This show is pairs of people doing things that are uncomfortable, so how different can it be?

Seven teams remain, including one with a guy with MAGNIFICENT hair. Haters gonna hate, but that permed mullet takes some dedication, y'all.

We're in Botswana and there is a very cute little kid bopping around. This area has a lot of wildlife and the racers all get to take time to see some elephants roaming around.

Bates & Anthony,at 5:39 a.m., leaving for Boro Village. Oh, these guys are hockey players? Those teeth are fake, right? This is some nice eye candy for your female recapper, fake teeth or no. Awww, there's some big babykitties (lions) lolling around napping. Did you know the average house cat sleeps 16-18 hours per day? And yet one of mine is always awake at 5:39 a.m. ready to smack me in the face.

Pam & Winnie, departing 6:11 a.m. They say if they could race the race with no other teams they'd be fine. Oh dear.

Chuck (Oh, that's hair dude!), departing 6:17 a.m. Joey & Meghan, departing 6:23 a.m., followed closely by Caroline & Jennifer at 6:28 a.m. As Joey runs to the car I notice his striped tube top socks pulled up over shiny black leggings. I'm probably going to find him exasperating, aren't I? Caroline & Jennifer credit their faith with allowing them to keep a good attitude during the race.

Mona & Beth, departing 6:37 a.m, followed by Max & Katie at 6:49. They're both having trouble finding the cars, but Mona & Beth notice footprints while Max & Katie do not. Max also says of their last place finish, "It's ourselves beating ourselves." Shouldn't that be, "It's us beating ourselves"? It's bad enough that reality TV is perpetuating the horrible misuse of the first person singular reflexive pronoun, but now it's starting to spread to the first person plural? It's time to make our stand America. (Read Grammar Girl about when to use me/myself and us/ourselves.

Anyway, enough with the grammar and on with the show. The hockey brothers stop for directions and the clerks hand them a map and say they might get lost. FORESHADOWING?

Wynona says Africa "smells like a big bowl of dung." Oh, so she's our token ugly American this season? Joey & Meghan stop to ask for directions and, in an interview, talk about how their generation doesn't know how to read maps because of Google. Get off my lawn, kid. Here, I'll have your phone tell you how to do that.

Caroline & Jennifer get pulled over for speeding, which must be an unusual experience for a pretty blond girl. Caroline boasts in an interview that she's talked her way out of a ticket before and she was reasonably certain she could again. The police officer who stopped them is softening and tells them that they have to talk to his boss. The boss stands firm and writes the ticket to Jennifer. On behalf of dumpy brown haired women everywhere, I rejoice.

Mona & Beth pass by as the blondes are stopped getting their ticket. They're told they have to drive to the police station and pay the equivalent of $100. They are less than pleased and curiously not discussing how this relates to their faith.

Max & Katie finally find their car and the ensuing bickering is breathtaking for a couple that are supposed to be newlyweds. It usually takes a good few years to get to that level of disrespect and contempt. Overachievers.

Bates & Anthony arrive first at the clue box and find a fast forward. The task? Water ski for a mile in waters that are clearly marked as unsafe for swimming because of crocodiles. Bates isn't worried about the crocodiles but is worried that the last time he tried to water ski, it did not go well. They go for it anyway. The guide tells them that they checked for crocodiles last night and everything was fine. The camera crew is finding some crocodiles though. Bates is really struggling with getting up and staying up at first. But then he gets it and "doesn't move a muscle" to stay up the rest of the way.

Pam & Winnie get excited about finding the Fast Forward, but are pretty sure Bates & Anthony would have done it so they quickly switch to the Road Block. "Who wants to go up the creek without a paddle?" the clue asks. Phil explains that teams will use a traditional canoe, made from a single tree, to transport two goats up river to receive their next clue. The goats are adorable and there is much cooing. Ladies, don't think about what's likely to happen to those goats later on. Pam mentions that the goat is peeing all over her leg. Not so cute now, huh? Goats freak me out with their horizontal pupils.

Bates & Anthony complete their task and get their fast forward. The boat's taking them to the lodge and I notice Anthony must've have taken his teeth out. Hee. And Bates is excited that he got to take his shirt off and flashes us some torso. Thank you, Bates.