Thursday, December 18, 2014

Love. It's gotten me by as of late. I've been in a lot of pain. Physical pain. I've had surgery - and am now passing kidney stones. This on top of the chronic pain that I live with - has been quite the challenge. Pain brings you to a presupposes if that is the right word I'm looking for. At any rate, it brings you to an edge. One either becomes hardened towards God, or one becomes more humble and open to Him. For me, I see this as an opportunity to receive God's goodness. Matter of fact, I've been praying for God to show me His love in everyday life. So far, it's been pretty amazing. People have popped up in my life, given to me in immeasurable ways, and life has just been stunning. God's mercy amazes me. I have never deserved it. Not with the life that I have led. I've stolen from the people that I've loved, defied God, and pushed the limitations of His love. Yet and still, He has remained steadfast, gentle, honorable, and most of all - merciful. I never dreamed that God could, would, and did still love me despite my debacles. Of course this was before I entered into grace. I believed under law there was no way that a God of that magnitude could have mercy. In fact, what I had been taught -- that God didn't. I suppose I'm back to the amazing magnificence of grace once again. How it has genuinely transformed my life. From the depths of my addiction (which no longer plagues me) to where I am now -- in the heart of peace, is almost magical living. I say this because I've come from a place where I used to take apart every thought, analysis every feeling, and I suffered so badly with the weight of my past. God may have forgiven me, but there was no way that I was able to. I carried it around like an anvil. It was constantly above my head. The weight of it all was enormous. The shame that I felt was horrendous. I wish there were some what that I could explain the beauty of grace. God's grace and mercy. I wish I had known about my sin debt being paid in full. That God is not some evil task master. That He did not sit in a chair that turned away from me when I made mistakes -- that He literally pulled away from me when I screwed up. He is not some yo-yo God! To think of this now is ridiculous but this was what I had been taught --- that sin separated you from God. Now I know that nothing can separate you from the love of God. Praise God! For when we sin we need God all the more! At any rate, God has been showing me His love in a variety of ways. I've been shown through people, and through my kitty Gracie. Yes, God can use an animal. He made them. Sunsets are allowed too. There is beauty all around us, if we but look. It is all in a manner of seeing with new eyes. If we focus on what is wrong with the world, this is what we will see. If we focus on what is right -- and so on. What kind of eyes do you have? Grace is such a beautiful word in and of itself. I'm enamored by it. I'm in love with it. It's touched my life so deeply. I owe so much to it. I don't know where I would be without it. Grace and mercy. What an amazing God we serve. So beyond my comprehension. He answers prayer in such astounding ways. Mine anyway. Living life with your eyes open as well as your heart is so amazing. The things that you see! The things that you experience! Living life with an expectant heart, and an abundant soul is an awesome way to life but it requires trust and faith. Faith over fear. You must go forward into the unknown. This is the spirit of faith. It seems at Christmas there is an expectancy that there isn't at any other time of year -- for most people but I say what if we lived that way? What if we lived that way year round, waiting to see what God was going to do in our lives? Wouldn't that be amazing? I think it would....I suppose I'm childlike in many ways. I wouldn't change it. It is my faith. I expect God to do amazing things in my life. It allows me to keep pushing despite horrible pain and helps me not blame God. God did not cause this. I just do blame God anymore. I'm better for it. I'm so grateful that I know that all good things come from God. Good things like love, mercy and grace. Grace means gift - which takes us to Christmas -- CHRISTmas. Don't forget, He is the reason for the season. To us a Savor was born.....