Tag: confidence

the judenpresse is hearing about the DS dnation drive to help save AA/DS.

ok so even the woman beaters on DS agree that once you have to beat a woman, youve lost control. but now they are supporting a “scorched earth” policy which says you are so ruthless that you have to be willing to abandon your CHILDREN in order to smite a bad woman. the few women on the site are understandably not liking that. shit I dont like the idea. i mean abandoning your children is worse than beating your wife.

i say abandon the shitty wife and take the innocent kids with you. and find a better wife who would prob be a better mother to the kids than their actual mother hahahahahaha.

yeah good women all have the potential to become bad women but if you get a good woman before she goes bad, and KEEP her good, then things will prob work in your favor hahaha.

adult children. all this talk of manchildren when women are the real adult children. BUT THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE. MEN are NOT supposed to be adult children.

ADULT WOMEN ARE *SUPPOSED* TO ACT LIKE CHILDREN.

so dont get mad at them when they do it. CONTROL YOUR DAMN KIDS. is exactly what you would say to little kids being brats while the weak parents / single mother did nothing.

we as MEN need to take this SAME approach to our WOMEN. PERIOD.

WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO ACT LIKE CHILDREN. SO CONTROL YOUR DAMN CHILDREN.

just on fire with the TRUTH on the WQ today hahahaha.

now you dont punch your children in the face, or otherwise abuse your children, and yes you are allowed to Luv them.

So I think this is the healthiest perspective to take here.

its like the kid on the escalator (mallrats, not sure why i havent erased that degen movie from my mind, well because theres a few funny parts in it). its the kid being a brat in church.

DONT BLAME THE KID, BLAME THE PARENTS!!!!!

and women are like the brattiest children of all. doing real problem child bullshit. that you really WANT to blame the child. how could any normal child be THIS bad. THIS child needs PROFESSIONAL help because they are torturing animals and were they fooking ABUSED by their parents to get this bad? but that is normal women. and you as the man need to figure out a very strong system of discipline and control that does NOT involve abuse.

how is this even WORF IT?

because HWYTE CHILDREN. i mean the literal hwyte children you get to perpetuate our race. 14 words kind of hwyte children. not the adult women children who produce the actual literal hwyte children hahahahahaha.

sam hyde just contributed FIVE THOUSAND feckin dollas to anglins wesearchr. i really hope anglin gets all this money. also this kinda proves sam hyde is seriously /ourguy/ hahahahaha.

but honestly i would not be surprised to see jooish bullshit happen with wesearchr, like this campaign being shut down, or them not reaching the minimum. why didnt weev set it at like 30 thousand?

sent some more btc to anglin because it felt kind of cheap to just send him 5 dollars in his huge time of need. sent him around 10 bucks this time.

wondering why spencer doesnt have something supporting anglin on the front page of altright.com. i mean this case does involve spencer and his mother.

maybe anglin is a fed who was planted to destroy the alt right by therefore turning all stormers against spencer hahahahaha.

well what if spencer does something for anglin in the near future.

women are a lot more baby minded at 25-30 than they are from 20-25. they really get BABY RABIES and i wouldnt put it past them to try to get preggers by just about anyone, after the age of 25, if they havent had a baby yet. BEWARE over 25 year old women that do not have children an who arent making their career their substitute child. (masters degree, 60 hours a week, luvs their career, middle class)

in other words, if things had “worked out” with That Woman, she was transitioning from early twenties to late twenties. maybe she would have deliberately tried to get preggers from me hahahaha.

but thats GOOD! I wanted to get her preggers and have 3+ beautiful hwyte children with her.

then she could dump me and take the children away from me hahaha.

but no im just not making enough money to raise children.

sheeeeeeeit i wish i never MET her, so that I never really KNEW what I was MISSING with women, and could just be a Happy Woman Hater hahahaha. When A Man Luvs A Woman.mp3

yeah well in a few more years it will be LIKE i never met her hahahaha.

besides. she probably had PROBLEMS i didnt even know about. like in her crazy woman mind. shit she already had pretty big problems i DID know about.

DODGED A BULLET THERE!

really we need to look into into artificial wombs and more realistically, hiring women to act as hired wombs only. a substitute artificial womb. a human artificial womb. and then just be a Single Father.

Cant do that unless you a WEALTHY though.

its probably JUST AS important to REDUCE the number of nonwhites, as to INCREASE the number of hwytes. reduce the nonwhytes by deportation and stopping immigration. and, in the US, solving the BQ hahahaha by segregation, deportation, and or Subsidized STERILIZATION of blacks hehehehe. i think that is a VERY good use of taxpayer money.

but this stuff really is as extreme as artificial wombs tho.

larp larp larp larp larp. what is REALLY happening is this case with anglin. maybe now would be a good time for The March In Whitefish. or just any kind of big event to support him. he could probably raise more money by appearing at IRL events. why not go to the pikeville thing happening THIS WEEKEND.

why not go to NY and LA and all the big cities. dont need to go to a shit city like berkeley.

but the college. yeah well there are other colleges. go to harvard, yale, princeton, stanford, sure UCB is a good skool but there are plenty of other good skools. just go to any good, LARGE skool if you want publicity.

go to any large city. provide your own security, you would get a lot of volunteers. we dont NEED security, we protect OURSELVES.

of course, plenty of places (cities) have strict gun laws against open carry, concealed carry, etc. so you’d HAVE to get LE involved hahaha.

am i naive to think most LEOs would be more in favor of pro-whites, rather than disgusting antiwhite antifa?

also even the jooish media is reporting on The Lefts tendency to act like violent kneegrows at these protests.

was feeling grumpy and despairing over my weak loserness, so i decided to try a powernap. didnt really sleep more than 30 minutes but i think it helped a little.

yes i tried to be productive today by going to store, trimming beard, going for short powerwalk (go for another later), did some PUSHUPS, and listend to some georgie boy. might get under calorie limit today. really the best way to do that is just NOT EAT. don’t have SNACKS or dessert, period. eat one small meal and one big meal and that is all you can have for the day. and that still might be too much!

but i would recommend this for fat slobs. you want to lose weight? DONT EAT. eat one small meal and one “bigger” meal and keep it under 1200 calories a day if you really want to lose weight quickly.

welp ate by Big Meal of the day and went over 1500. son of a bitch. this is including 2 powerwalks and skipping breakfast. like i said, its SO EASY to go over.

the woman beaters have not shown up yet and there is fairly moderate advice on how to be a manly but not abusive man hahaha

they say raep is about power not secs, but what you have to understand is that WOMEN FIND POWER SECSY.

this doesnt mean that women always like raep but it does explain alot of those raep fantasies. and also it is is a very good idea to ALWAYS BE POWERFUL with women.

BRUTE STRENGTH. RAW POWER. POWER. POWER. STRENGTH = POWER. women are attracted to this like a man is attracted to a beautiful young 18 year old gurl.

TINDER TRASH. theres a reason that phrase exists. tinder TRASH.

sucks to see a good woman go from good and never on tinder, to mudsharking, high-number, secs on the 3rd date tinder TRASH.

just LAUGH in their faces and say YOUR FATHER MUST BE SO PROUD, TINDER TRASH. NOW SUCK ME.

arranged marriages really are the way to go. and it doesnt have to be like browns and mudslims. it would be a very hwyte form of arranged marriage. maybe even the father could even give her a choice of 2 good, pre-vetted men. not that women can make good decisions of who to marry and who to have babies with.

but anyway if the guy turns out to be an abusive monster, she should be able to go to her father and he will fix it. but BOTH fathers will be meeting to arrange this shit to make sure they are BOTH getting a good deal. win win.

you could prob even marry off 16 yo gurls with 16 yo boys, not even 23 year old men. 23 year old men with jobs would prob be better tho. but 16 yo boys could be done provided there are families that could help out if they had some kids of their own, but the young father still needed to finish skooling so he could start making good money at 22/23, and ALREADY have a young child. it could be done. have more emphasis on extended family beyond the nuclear. 3 generation households. that might be one way to justify these goddamn huge mcmansions. they are big enough for 3 fooking generations.

cuz i was thinking what to do about the boys who are HORNY AF when they are 16? should you make it ok to bang whores and sluts for them? or should you just marry them to 16 yo gurls and they can happily bang each other? i think that is the ideal.

i mean young people get RIDICULOUSLY horny and this leads them to make EVEN WORSE decisions. but its not like you cant turn this horniness off. if you chain them up they might try to rebel by running away and fooking muds. but marrying 16 year olds to each other and letting them fook all day, everybodys happy. but the family has to be there to help if that 16 yo gets preggers. i mean why wouldnt they be. we’re hwytes, not SAVAGES. we TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS. in fact it should prob be encouraged. you’re 17 and havent had a kid yet? better get on that! arent you and your horny husband fooking enough?

this way, both super horny young men and young women are fulfilling their urges in healthy ways, and not turning to degeneracy like promiscuity or porn!

no moron, dont look to MUSLIMS as an example of how to treat women! this is what i dont like abotu this white sharia. some of these idiots actually think the MUSLIMS have the RIGHT idea.

i used to like that BBS didnt have a downvote, but now i think downvote system would be good.

we need to treat our women like GOOD parents treat their children. we dont need to abuse them, dress them in burkas, and treat them like SHIT. they are subservient to us and KIND of like property, in the way that our beloved dog or children is our “property.” you would never think of beating or abusing or hating them.

heh. i sure talk and think about women way too much for somebody who hasnt even talked to a 20-30 year old woman for like 2 years hahahaha.

but yeah. this is how IMPORTANT the WQ is, because many men are obsessed with women, as am I. it directly affects us. in fact the WQ was what started me on muh redpilling over 10 years ago. yes it was!

i was starting down that road even before I Disavowed the Left!

basically the WQ was the ROOT CAUSE of me changing from a pathetic shitlib antiwhite SJW, into the somewhat less pathetic 1433 VVN far right fascist traditionalist race-luving hwyte warrior wannabe that stands before you today hahahaha.

yeah im still pathetic but im WAY LESS PATHETIC than if i were still an antiwhite shitlib!

maybe i should start drinking again. and then only drink on a day like this, a weekend where i dont have to get up in the morning. and no driving. and just drink at least medium quality stuff and no bottom shelf rotgut stuff. and only once a week. like be drinking some whiskey on a night like this. dont drive anywhere. i dont drive as much anyway. i was more social when i was a drinker hahahhaha.

i mean if im not driving, its ok, right????

same reason im wanting to use MJ, right? to ESCAPE from BAD FEELS???!!!?!!?!?!?!

heh. if you get mail mailed to you at your JOB is it legal for your employer to OPEN it hehehe, was the big idea i got yesterday. like if you got stem cells mailed to you from russia hahahaha. or shrunken pygmy heads from africa. weird stuff you dont want coming to your home if you live with other people hehe.

great soundtrack. in addition to the final fantasy 10 and 6 soundtracks. i guess playing vidya is not super terrible. but it is degenerate because you escape into that nostalgaic world. i am glad i cant do that with new games any more or else i would be a vidya addict.

still better than being a PORN addict tho.

well that gurl in dragon quest (aka dragon warrior) better cover those damn whore tits up, looks like a jooish whore. also it looks like anime. great game tho – great story, great gameplay, great music, etc. i spent 40 hours on it at least.

yeah i totally understand why men get so into video games. you get really pulled into this really interesting world where you cant wait to see what happens next. im glad im NOT drawn to it any more, because it really is naturally tempting. not to me though.

also thankful i am not helplessly, hopelessly attracted to little boys like a pederast either hahaha. thats gotta suck to have totally perverted fooked up desires and know it and just have it torturing you. the worst i have is a hopeless attraction to MJ. thats the closest thing. even that could be worse, i could be attracted to Opioids or Alcohol. I used to be really big on alcohol, but not anymore, dont even really THINK about it a lot. but MJ…..every damn day, multiple times a day.

i know local MMJ’s have large menus with a range of prices per 3.5 g, 14 g, 1 oz (28 g hahahaha) high and medium priced, indica and sativa, 50 different types of MJ. you get the one that best suits your needs. i would want to get a mid range (cheaper) indica. prob buy larger quantities to try to get discount. i guess that wouldnt be an issue if i had a card and could buy any time i wanted. since the opportunity never presents itself to me at this time, shit i would want to buy around $150 next time i had the chance, and get as much as i could for that. because, like hanging out with an attractive young women, who the hell knows when youre gonna get that chance again. maybe 10 years, maybe never.

like how instead of spending 7 bucks on a pack of cigarets, i buy a 6 oz bag of pipe tobacco for 7 bucks and 200 tubes for 3 bucks and essentially buy 10 packs of cigarettes for 10 bucks. the quality of the tobacco doesnt seem that damn bad whatsoever.

which is why i like the idea of buying “shake”. its not as A E S T H E T I C as big juicy buds….but its just the same stuff that falls off these big nugs, and the dillas seem to sell it at a discount. just sell me an oz of shake for 50 bucks hahahaha. instead of 400 bucks for an oz of Kind Loud Fire Buds.

went to church on this saturday afternoon and it was super boring. not that thats the worst thing in the world, but i almost fell asleep 3 times durig the mass. i WISH i could be that tired when i laid down to go to sleep at night!!!!!!

just imagine you are in CHURCH and you will be asleep in 20 minutes! maybe that way i could get to bed by 7 pm, or 8 pm. this 930 or 10 kinda sucks…..but i cant force myself to go to bed any earlier.

went from smoking like 6,7,8 cigarets a day to smoking 0 the past 2 days. not bad. not even getting intense cravings. i mean sure i could smoke a cig but im not DYING for one. shit im DYING more for mj. mj is more addictive than TOBACCO.

hehehe i literally fell asleep while just sitting here. not sure why so sleeping. got ok sleep yesterday. wish i was this tired when i went to bed on a Work Night! didnt even have any benedryl or valium tonight!!! maybe i am “catching up” from when i normally get up at 5 am, which by any account is pretty early, but i dont really mind, because its not that hard to Survive the job and i am thankful for that. shit for this i would get up at 4 am, maybe even 3 am. probably even 2 am hahahaha. so 5 am is tech sleeping in! but i know id like to go to bed at 7pm, but ive tried, i just cant, so i goto be closer to 9 or 10. now on a day off ive been tired as hell, almost falling asleep in church (it was boring af tho) and here, literally falling asleep at the poker table at 830 pm or so.

march 5

when somebody DUMPS you, NEVER beg for them back. NEVER ask them to reconsider. THEY DUMPED YOU. if they want to reconsider, you think they’re only gonna realize that at your pathetic insistence? NO, if they want to un-dump you, let that horse come to the water and drink of its own agency and volition and WILL. of course odds on this are very very low. vanishingly low. but i guess anythings technically possible. hahahaha.

of course, much easier said than done when you are getting dumped and your heart breaking.

i think going to a hooker might actually be a good thing for me. i mean i wish i could just pay a qt nonhooker to just hang out with me and be nice to me since its not secs per se i want……however i think having hooker secs with an attractive hooker would still serve my main goal of being more confident and less nervous around women. so for that alone it would be worth 300 bucks. or 400 bucks hahahaha.

but recently backpage took down its escort section after being pressured by FEDGOV. maybe it will be back up soon. well there are other websites. like the escort review or some shit. in fact those are probably better.

escort is code word for hooker that you can pay for secs. you just call it a dnation and say i am giving you a free will dnation for your TIME, imma just put this on the table over there. and then you do her up the ass hahahahaha. boldly go where many, many, many men have gone before. balls deep in a hookers ass for 100 dollars a half hour. aint no shame in that game hahahahahahaha.

hey i know literally not all women are like that. i know at least 2 or 3 decent good women. 4 or 5. married or getting married. shit even that woman was a good woman but she had a legit understandable moment of weakness. not like she was going out being an evil J, fooking 60000000 cox and murdering 600000000 babies and ruining 600000000 mens lives. she just got scared and ran away like ALL of us have done at some points in our lives. the end.

anyway i am kidna moving out of my women hate phase as well. I TOLD you it was only TEMPORARY. Now i just dont care. there are good women and bad women. i dont really want to make an effort to meet any women. i’d rather make an effort to get yuge bags of MMJ.

i think scrod is not an actual species of fish, its just random fish. what about cod? i dont REALLY care, i dont really like fish, but i do enjoy eating “fish and chips” on occasion. that is just fine. so that “fish” is usually “cod”. so what is “cod.”

i dont eat it for the taste of the fish, i eat it for the taste of the flaky batter hahahaha. and also because catholics in lent on fridays. cant eat beef hahahaha gotta eat “fish.”

sorry, not escort review, The EROTIC review. look up assfooking hookers on that site.

hmmm found an attractive looking local hooker for 140 an hour. very quickly. not bad! of course they blur out their face but she was white and not grotesque. prob dont let you put it in the ass for 140 an hour tho hahahahahaha.

she wont judge you if you cant get it up. she sees nothing but scumbags and weirdos and alcoholics and druggies all day. next to them you look like a winner. and she can probably get you some MJ hahahahaha. now im not saying to be abusive or even disrespectful to the hooker. but i sure am saying you can definitely ask, is it okay for me to put it in your ass and make you say, “im a dirty little wh0re who has taken 1000 cox! fook me in my filthy wh0re ass like the 9000 other men who have fooked me in the ass! i luv being fooked in the ass like a worthless 4n4l butt slut!” its not a crime to ask them to say it hahahahaha. me personally i would luv to get them to say self degrading things like that. but i wouldnt MAKE them if they didnt WANT to! i realize they are just doing a JOB, a very degrading, tough job. i have LESS respect for the NORMIE women that just treat secs and life as some kind of meaningless game. next to them, the hookers seem honest, or at least Woke. i would get more pleasure out of getting normie gurls to say those degrading things. the actual hookers have been degraded enough.

but yeah. i still want MJ WAYYYYY more than i want a hooker.

so i guess i could just make a list of nearby cert places, print out the limited med records i do have, none of which have a qual condition, but just bring them as a sign of good faith, and expect to get rejected, but then plan to just cross it off the list and go to the next place the next week, and hopefully by the time i go to 30 places, i can get approval, and then get the card sent to a PO Box. repeat process when its time to renew.

of course the shady doctor can approve but the STATE can STILL reject it.

at that point i would just go see a diff doctor then hahahaha. make a spreadsheet. dont go to a place unless they say theres no charge if you get rejected. ideally no charge even if they approve you but the STATE rejects you.

according to state data, they reject about 10% of applications, IIRC. no more info given there. other than we can assume they had a dr approve them. but maybe they didnt, maybe they forged a damn doctors signature. how big of a crime would that be. that HAS to be a felony. just saying.

and ive said before. when you get an rx for pain pills, that is usually strict as fook, i’d imagine. ONE refill of ten weakass pills. not UNLIMITED refills where you can go and buy 9000 doses of the drug every single day like you can with a MMJ card. you can go in and buy like 2 oz a day i think. 1 or 2 oz is the daily limit hahaha.

and i am sure there are cardholders who do that just to “re up” and sell to people without cards. would be interested in learning how the “legal” MMJ market has influenced the illegal market. not that its easy to get good data on illegal markets. has it made illegal MJ much cheaper? more in supply? better variety? more people selling? my guess is it really hasnt had any major impact at all, or else some reporter would have done a story about it in like the years since MMJ has been legal.

and i do know last year saw a 100% growth in our county of card holders since the year previous.

so does that mean the state will try to clamp down this year, or does that mean DOORS WIDE OPEN, BOYS!!!! YEEEEEHAWWWW!!!!!! those are two very different outcomes hahahaha. 180 opposite you could say.

ok sunday. go in tomorrow. get up at 5am. took 2 benedryl today, one at about 2 pm and another at about 5 pm. briefly dozed off around 4 pm, was so tired i couldnt even play cards or look at computer. has happened every day of the weekend hahahaha. its not like i am Starved for Sleep during the week either! but again i just wish i was tired like that when i went to bed at night and could just go to bed earlier and get a shitload of sleep for the day.

why not just go to a shady doc who prescribes shitloads of pain pills….because we established those docts are in short supply because of crackdowns by the dea, fedgov, etc. theres prob an automatic alert in fedgovs office whenever a doc prescribes over x pain pills a month.

state probably does NOT have anything similar for docs who do x number of MMJ certs a month.

how many falsified applications does the state get? i mean this isnt like a doctors prescription pad. its a pdf anyone can print off the state website. just need to know the doctors name, address, and license number….which i believe is all on the internet.

ive heard of local stings where a doctor would just prefill out hundreds of forms without seeing the patients. but that doctor was eventually caught and their license suspended. i wonder if anything happened ot the “patients.”

tfw your connection to the poker server is so shitty you keep dropping on a nice full 9 person table even though your internet isnt really bad per se, just your wireless. how do you get better wireless.

just fooking stupid. i dont need a fast connection, i just need a solid, unbroken connection, because there is action happening every second. folding, calling, checking, betting.

super frustrating. its not just the site, its just me. someimes it is just the site. just sucks to WANT to play and to have a LOT of people on there who also want to play so you can have a nice 9 person table. doesnt’ happen all the time.

milo resigning. i think i already mentioned this. as trs says, we didnt realize the MSM lugenpresse thought pedophilia was a bad thing hahahaha. i guess they hate rightists even MORE than they LUV joos and degeneracy! wow!

taing benedryl today, did not sleep well last night unfort. today got a new project, well, technically was reminded of an old project that i forgot about. basically i need to “Create Some Documentation” for this device that I dont know how to use, so I have to figure out how to use it, write up some FAQs and How Tos and Fact Sheet and a report or something. produce our own documentation on how to use this thing. i can def source heavily from the manufacturer. big part of it is also teaching myself how to use android and ios, which is hilarious that ive never owned a smart phone,. basically every random normie 80 IQ is an expert at android OR ios because every normie has a phone! i do not have a smart phone so all this is news to me.

i dont see the value in the device. i think its too expensive and no one uses it because no one knows how. well….other people in our office do, but we gotta essentially try to SELL IT to our “clients”, and i use these terms very loosely. i dont REALLY need to SELL this overpriced thing. weve already wasted the money on it. now we just gotta convince people to use it. which imho is tricky enough. and imho there is easier, cheaper ways of doing a similar thing. real weird position to have a budget to by Tech Toys no one really NEEDS and then convince them to get Value out of it hahaha. and i cant really tell muh manager yeah no ones gonna use this, just cancel our subscription when this year is up because its a waste of money. but i should try to find some Usage Stats and include that in my Report. be like hey this thing is being used once a year and its costing us 200 dollars a year.

basically just busywork makework, not really adding value. real adding value would be never buying the thing in the first place!

its just WEIRD to be in this position, never expected to be in a place that was this FLUSH with CASH to spend on shit you dont really need, rather than trying to CUT COSTS EVERYWHERE and sending people home early and doing away with Quality. but thankfully The Union wont let them send people home early, guarantees people X number of hours a week.

i am still learning the basics, like how our department adds any value at all. why are we NEEDED. just fire everyone and we could still get out a low quality product. does quality really matter THAT much? was the bad lesson i learned from my prevous job.

and the answer obviously is, YES IT DOES, when your product means fixing broken shit, and you don’t fix it.

but here we’re not really fixing shit. we are basically window dressing on a product that could get by without us. it would be a lot less presentable, but it would prob still SELL, and would still WORK. its like buying a kia vs a cadillac. do our Customers really need Cadillacs? well they arent really paying cadillac prices though. so where the hell do we get this money? other departments get federal grants. we could very possibly get fed grants but i cant name them. always forget to ask about that. i should ask about it. show the manager that i care how shit is run hahahaha. not that i want to take his job, not that I COULD, but to show I Think Like A Leader.

ok did some more at-home work on muh job project. going to bed at 8 instead of 7 because 7 was too early yesterday. took 2 benedryls tho today: one at 3ish, another at 5ish.

George is up to video FIVE on his 20 minute q and a responses. he’s HAD to have answered my questions in there, mentioned me. I am SCARED to listen. I might give it a few more weeks till I am less scared. he can email me if he wants, he has muh topkek topsecret email.

GOOD GOD I got an email from GREG JOHNSON hahahahaha personally thanking me for a donation I gave in december. Actually TWO emails ten days apart. WTF do I even say to that. I quickly send him a blabbering message back saying no, thank YOU, hahaha. I was just surprised that he’d send me an email for a damn paltry 5 dollar donation! What a Top Goy!!!!

Greg Johnson. Grindr Greggy, sending ME an email, hahaha, thats just ridiculous. I dont even care if hes a gay hahahahaha. guy’s done some great, unimpeachable work, and he was one of the first people I read when getting into This Huhwyte thing.

feb 23

greg johnson. say what you will about his private life, but that was a very HUHWHYTE thing of him to do, thank widdle ol neet me for a goddam 5 dollar dnation. just for that I will visit CC for the first time in months, find a great new interview hes doing with kievsky, one of muh oldskool fav guys, and think seriously about getting gregs nice hwyte country book. he is a great writer in addition to a good speaker/conversationalist.

real good guy greg hahahaha. does anybody even remember that meme. its still a good meme.

steve bannon speaking at cpac. nice. i would like to hear alot more of bannon speaking. not because i’m suspicious of him, but i think i would really like him even more than i expected. but shit, if he is suspicious, id want to know about that too. i just hope he is a YUGE badass, and unfort we often forget he’s there. never forget!

HAVE YOU LISTENED TO YOUR DAILY DOSE OF IRON MAIDEN TODAY?

I was not joking when I said IRON MAIDEN EVERY DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY. it IMPROVES YOUR HEALTH.

This was actually the second Maiden album I ever got, after “Powerslave.” I saw Killers in the used CD section and got it. Not sure if I realized Dianno was on it. at any rate, he sounds GREAT. it’s pointless to compare him and bruce. both are great. ok, bruce is better, but i don’t think bruce would have fit on this album, and I think dianno could have have a good effort on later maiden. he has a great, masculine voice, brings out the masculine energy of the music very well. more of a tough guy than bruce. i mean i hate to say he’s MORE masculine because bruce is pretty damn masculine.

havent listened enough to the debut but killers seems to be the way stronger dianno album.

and it more than accomplishes the Health Benefits of Maiden: ie, Upping Your Confidence. UP THE IRONS, UP YOUR CONFIDENCE. high-energy, feel-good, masculine, confident, pulse-pounding music that makes you feel very alive. hard rocking. no mopey navel gazing. no negative emotions. good vibes all around.

not that i dislike sad music at all! but i prob enjoy too MUCH of it, and need more Happy Music! and so do you!

there is NOTHING wrong with Dianno era maiden. would be great at the GYM for POWERLIFTING and POWER SPRINTS.

now i’m obsessing about this darn job-related documentation project. in a good way, I think. but yeah def spending a lot of TIME on it, outside of job, no less. people better be impressed hahahahaha. write me a good reference for this one. i dont feel super pressured, feel more like a detective on the verge of cracking the case. in other words, feel good not bad, thank GOD. ACTUALLY LEARNING something and figuring something out. It takes some struggling with the concepts though. But this is NORMAL. But I tell you, I REALLLLLLY hate struggling with something and NOT learning it, and remaining in a state of confusion. that was the bulk of my last job. it made me doubt my ability to LEARN things. i felt like I had a LEARNING DISABILITY. And thought shit, maybe I still DO have a learning disablity. from sm0king all that MJ, and drinking too much when I was young, and also from having a super confusing job for over a year, combined with a year and a half of mind-numbing NEETness. It’s amazing my brain still works AT ALL and that I could learn something as simple as 1+1. But today I learned something. Not something super complicated. pretty embarrassing i had to struggle for a whole day with such a simple concept. WELP THAT JUST PROVES IM AN IDIOT. Thankfully I don’t really feel that way. Well if they think I’m an idiot…..I mean I was name dropping Bunuel today in reference to Dali, and I actually knew this architect this other guy was talking about. if were a total idiot I wouldnt know these names hahahahahahaha. It might just take me a day to learn a very simple technical concept, like you don’t plug this thing into that thing, it won’t work correctly. And I wanted to work with TECHNOLOGY????!!?!?!?!?!?!!? I was actually pretty good at it though. but the LEARNING CURVE was absolutely BRUTAL and VERY hard to SURVIVE.

i cant overstate how bad that year and a half of neetness was for my brain. i mean i HATE FEELING LIKE AN IDIOT. I USED to be pretty smart, I SWEAR. PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!!!!

feb 24

please respond! please believe me! please give me the benefit of the doubt! please treat me like a human being! please! I beg you! im not an idiot and im not a weird monster!

hahahaha. ok weekend. obv would luv huge thing of you know what. degenerate. bbbbbut i just want to get it out of muh system. give me one big bag o degen and thats it for a good while.

so in protest i have taken a benedryl, will take 2 valium and 1 more benedryl with about 2 hours in between each.

ooooh sventh son has done his first post doxing video with face. very nice. would like to see moar. tons of great banter in the comments about him not being hwyte hahahaha. he is even more charming when he shows his face hahaha.

heh. tfw you go to dailystormer for the first time in a few weeks and see he has an official tshirt so you have to buy it now. it’s not the greatest design but these campaigns are limited time only. hope he doesnt come out with a better design immediately after this one closes.

oh dear god hahahahahahahaha. his first video AFAIK directly addressing MGTOW. is MGTOW even a thing any more? kind of embarrassing that I identified with it….like FOUR YEARS AGO hahahaha. to be MGTOW in current year is simple naive at best and J at worst. see the mgtows bitching at varg in the comments, you can see how pathetic mgtow is.

took valium 1 at 630 pm. settling in with coffee and water and no one at the poker tables, damn. listened to abunch of yt vidyas at 1.5 and 2x speed. george feels you can do at 2x hahaha. hey im not hating. im a very slow talker to, i sound a lot better at 1.5 at LEAST. wish i could do that in real life. might make me sound like less of a tongue tied idiot. only when im in interviews do i talk fast. still sound like a tongue tied idiot though.

oh god. came so close. i actually watched matress girl emma sulky’s retarded “raep” video for a few minutes today, i mean i had seen it when she first did it. she is not even attractive, but i would prob still bone her because she is an early 20s and non obese. and i get really titillated by scenes where the girl is on top and grinding her ass into the guy as he fooks her. great visual. i would really have fun with something like that. thank GOD i turned it off before i got too stimulated. i mean really? chinese joo mattress girl doing fake art that is closer to porn than art? however i almost wanted to jerk off to it to condemn her for being such a dirty disgusting dishonorable joo making a perversion of secs. it honestly cant be called “porn”, but it absoultely CAN be called mind-bogglinging jooish. layers and layers of jooish inception. thank GOD i did not jerk off to it, because then SHE would have won with her jooish filth. that isn’t TECHNICALLY porn, its more of a jooish perversion of Art and Aesthetics and Truth. not that porn isnt a jooish perversion. but my god her artists statement on that video. read that fookin statement. dont watch any of the video unless you promise not to jerk off to it. cuz then the joo and their lies WIN, and you LOSE.

maybe i wanted an excuse to jerk off to something that wasnt “technical” porn.

wow. ALMOST slid down the slippery slope there. kinda disappointed i even took a step down that path, but glad i turned back. i mean it would be better to just jerk off to pictures of aryan women in wheatfields hahahaha. i mean i just feel kinda HORNY for ONCE, probably partially due to Weekend Party Time.

the title song is so good and i want seventh son to do a version of it. i would totally do it at karaoke. might have to do karaoke tomorrow. im thinking iron maiden, dio, danzig, maybe tom petty.

is steve miller a poor mans tom petty? is that unfair to steve miller? maybe he is a middle class mans tom petty hahahaha.

oooh nice been having a hot streak today:

well played but he culd have beat me. on one of my long cold streaks, he would have. and i have been cold a lot more than ive been warm! im 100 dollars in the hole all time!

this is what we need a LOT more of. this is a real guy named smerff in straya who is an electrician with his own electrician business. and on his business website he blatant says pro-white things and says he is a proud sponsor of daily stormer, who also proudly links him on their site. fookin awesome. we need stormer/white-supporting BUSINESSES in EVERY town.

his twitter account has been suspended. smerff. stormer’s was banned years ago haha.

i mean this guy makes no bones about his vehement pro-whyteness on his website, his facebook page, surprised that’s not banned.

check out the site. he employs at least seven proud white men and has classic aussie banter. does not tone anything down to try to increase his business. he obvious does well and STILL has STRONGLY pro-whyte message. amazing. terrific! this is awesome and we need companies like this in every town in the US, straya, the hwyte world.

see their contact information and tell them how awesome they are. send them money for doing no work. in a way this is even better than great journalism like stormer or TRS. they are out in the community providing hugely valuable electrician and AC service ANNNDDDDDD spreading a very positive pro-whyte message to their customers. i cant even wrap my mind around this, i have to sleep on it hahahaha.

daily stormer tshirt hehehe. apparently the company isnt actually alt right or pro white, but SO pro freedom of speech they will print pro white shirts as well as awful BLM and pro-abortion shirts. hmm. i was hoping it wouldnt be like that. i dont want to support baby murderers. but it is pretty good for a FREEZE PEACH advocate to actually not be a lying hypocrite when it comes to pro hwyte stuff. most freeze peach joos are anti freeze peach when it comes to HWYTES.

welp hope he doesnt sell my name and address hahahahaha. i mean it would never stand up in court hahaha unless he were subpoenaed for my name hahaha. which isnt gonna happen. what am i a lawyer all of a sudden?

i mean the chances of me not getting a job because somebody spilled the beans about me on an internet site that i bought a daily stormer (and trs) shirt……i dunno i just dont see it happening.

took valium 2 around 9pm

i sometimes have post titles that have nothing to do with the content, just saved from perhaps long before. did this with about 3 posts recently. 80% of posts I try to have somewhat relevant titles hahahaha.

the hacker wars, been meaning to watch this. large part from weev, dont think he talks about hwyte stuff tho. but hes def thinking it hahaha. he’s just a really interesting smart guy.

weev on illusion of sanity 2016, alawites. a harder to find interview hehehe. have to use a libsyn downloaded to download it.

trying to find and follow all the pro-hwyte hwytes on gab hehehe. did my first repost today re the daily stormer shirt

yeah the two valiums dont do much but i guess its nicer than the alternative hahaha. the alternative being absolutely nothing. a bag of MJ would be so much better tho. but kind of scary to think that MJ is 600000000000 times more power than VALIUM, which is well known as a habit forming, addictive drug that can K you in super large doses. well im clearly not taking enough! should I take a third? but its already almost 11pm and i am getting tired and it would just be a waste. if i had MJ i would certainly be blazing it all day until the moment i crashed into oblivion.

yeah but at this time in the short term, isnt the valium in infinitely greater supply than the MJ? meaning, i have 80 valiums and 0 MJ.

heh. listening to NOTHING but iron maiden the past week. been pretty productive there. whoops havent listened to the early 90s albums. ok putting on “no prayer for the dying”, which came right after 7th son. people crap on this album but it doesnt sound immediately horrible hahaha.

hmm well i made executive decsion and took valium #3 at 11pm just now. maybe it will be a waste, but i do have a lot. once i get down to like 10 then i will save them for “emergencies only”, for example, going out to a social function, or god forbid a “date”, or a job interview, or maybe a big Job Presentation. don’t think I will have to do any serious presentations for a while tho. if ever. i mean it would be a good thing to have that kind of responsibility and actually do an average job on it. good for resume, good for future interviews.

heh. started playing around with zillow to see where i you could get a “cheap”, small home in a somewhat hwyte boondocky area. basically get a trailer. white pride single wide (credit fatherland jim.) get good deals here but wonder about the white trash in close proximity. i believe that hwyte trash is better than black trash, although the Opioid and Meth Epidemics are making the hwyte trash even worse. why dont they have trailers that are on like an acre of land and dont have other trailers 10 feet away. but then you would basically be paying as much for the land as you are the trailer. trying to understand mortgages, 30 year fixed rate, 5/1 ARMs, etc. they should teach this in middle school or first year of high school. no later than age 14.

1 am here. should go to bed. been up since 5 am. meaning i have been awake for 20 hours. pretty serious. might take a benedryl just to be ultra idiotic. a pill popping machine on friday party night. 3 valiums and 2 benedryls. that can’t be good. but you could make an argument that its better than MJ! or is it? i mean im not so incoherent i cant type or look at zillow for 45 minutes hahaha.

i might actually be a good Real Estate guy. cuz i am very interested in finding decent homes at a good price and especially in good, safe, hwyte neighborhoods. but i would want to be honest and not bamboozle people into jooish mortgages. cuz it honestly is confusing. predatory lending. and i cant figure out what is the best deal. 30 year fixed is higher payment but supposedly more stable over the long term. so you pay extra for “piece of mind.” i kinda like that. but i certainly wouldnt want to live in the trailer for 30 years. 5/1 is built for people who want to move within 5 years. uhhh do they have a 10/1? i might like that better hehehehe.

ideally you just buy the house outright with cash. show up with 20 grand cash and buy the 20 grand house. but there is also homeowners insurance and property taxes. why cant they just include this in the price of the house. why cant they teach this stuff in high school instead of fookin english and spanish and diversity social studies and more bullshit sciences like geography. teach you stuff that will actually help you live a better life. how to be smart when buying a home, getting the most bang for your buck. you can always study the stuff that interests you from the comfort of your nice little home that you are not getting jooed on. of course, why would the joos want to teach the goys how NOT to be jooed.

feels of inferiority that i am not ATTACKING my job as much as I SHOULD be, not showing as much initiative, not being CREATIVE enough, not taking charge enough. usually when i do this i am blowing things out of proportion. and i worry what they say about me when im not there, um im getting second thoughts about this new guy, he’s kind of underwhelming, i expected more, he can do better than this, what kind of damn mental problems must he have, i mean just look at the facts, how old is he again? damn. DAMN. and he obviously doesnt have strong communication skills like he said he did, everything he says is an awkward meaningless jumble of words. im sure he doesnt have a gf. i wonder if he lives with his fam. PROBABLY. WOW. how did he ever let his life get so OFF TRACK?

that is the type of shit i worry about now hahahaha.

i just dont want the nice people to be disappointed in me because i am uhhh kinda underwhelming and dont have a yugely confident charismatic presence. i mean i try my best folks. its a day by day thing. i have only been there 2 months. is this normal hahahaha. its normal to feel like an impostor. it took at least 3-4 months before i stopped feeling like an impostor at muh old job.

heh some MJ would help take the edge off that time hehehe.

its just different. its the type of thing where people work on a bunch of medium and longer term projects, rather than very short term cases. and when i end up with Downtime, well hehehe i feel guilty, because other jobs, when you get Downtime, you dont sit there and study work related stuff, you get your HOURS CUT, you get SENT HOME EARLY, so youre not costing the company money.

well today i was given a project and it was sort of challenging but people were offering with ideas but i didnt want to BUG them, plus i had enough to get me started, so i continued down that path, presented my results at the end of the day before i left for the weekend, essentially showed some work of what i had been doing the past 3 hours hahaha. it involved me trying to figure out something i wasn’t really strong on. i just hope they werent disappointed in me in that they expected me to Totally Fix It by the end of the day. i mean im not given super urgent tasks at any rate.

i THINK its gonna be OK, but yeah. always doubts and insecurities in my MIND.

feb 3

day off.

got some walmart george 12 dollar pants, gray. classic fit, flat front. they fit perfectly and were not that horrible “modern fit” which “sits lower on the waist.” I HATE that shit. totally satisfied. would totally buy another pair, and i might do that next week to replace another pair of pants that has gotten too big for muh incredible shrinking body hahahaha. 32 waist hehehe but im sure its a little more, tape meaure says more like 33, but most companies run a little big thankfully.

struggled against satan today and WON. got up, day off, wanted to be productive and no idle, run errands, not immediately sit on the internet for hours. get something done early, first thing in the day. got good 9 hours of sleep. did not turn on tv or computer. intended to go get haircut and to walmart and other store. felt anxiety and doubt but pushed self to do all those things. got nice haircut, boost in confidence, good. wanted to get new shirt for job at walmart, maybe pants. ended up getting nice shirt and pants. the pants are awesome but the shirt is a little bigger than desired. ideally will return it next week.

got groceries as well and then came home and made food to last me the next 3-5 days. AND did 1 load of laundry AND made 30 cigarets while the food cooked. listened to new fatherland while doing the food and cigs.

and now its 543 pm, starting to get dark, and playing some cards and listening to new moonsorrow album for the first time

not bad, no surprises here. but for me i need to be in the mood, and i havent been in the mood since this album came out months ago.

ideally i would have a ton of MJ and would be blazing it like MAD right now. and similarly yesterday. but i dont. i laughed when thinking of finding a shady character at walmart and seeing if i could buy 20 dollars of MJ from a random shady black or brown person. i did not have the balls.

also i brushed teeth which i sometimes “forget” to do on day off, which i shameful.

also trimmed beard to level 2, ideally do this once every 2 weeks. last did this 2 weeks ago.

ok want old school epic metal, should listen to this hehehe. i recall the first song being awesome. and it is. varg v’s fav bathory albvm. he makes a comment here and there are shitloads of people calling him a shallow minded disgusting racist nazi and quorthon would have hated him too. metal antiracists are the worst. go read that j trash metalsucks dot com. i thought you people prided yourself on being tough and iconoclastic and nonconformist. the best way you can do this is be a racist hahahahahahaha. and you have idiots loving a Heritage Loving band then bitching about people who say muslims get out. oh no, you get out you terrible racist, quorthon would have wanted hordes of muslims taking over europe.

well, maybe he would have, we cant say, he has been dead for years. but yeah it grinds my gears to see metal degenerates be all like yeah stabbing somebody to death and burning churches is cool, but being a racist who loves the hwyte race is so ignorant and offensive.

and i hold these “heritage metal” people to a higher standard because being Proud Of Your Heritage is really not that far from being Proud of your RACE, and willing to DEFEND it against its ENEMIES. but so many of them just shit on the idea of that second part. just bend over and get fooked. literal cuckolds hehehehe. metalcucks. bunch of pron obsessed degenerates hahaha.

heh. gay milo making big news with riots at berkeley. the next damn day people are rioting in nyc for gay gayvin mcanus hahahaha. what would they do with a REAL racist like richard spencer hahahaha. speaking of i thought he was gonna do a big college tour. he needs to have more of those like his thing at texas AM. do shit like that every week.

so yeah. glad i got a lot accomplished today rather than just neckbearding on internet.

so my gameplan was to “PARTY” tonight by taking a valium, then a little later, taking a benedryl. this could potentially be dangerous, cuz mixing anything with benzos is risky hehehehe. so thats why im gonna wait at least an hour before taking the benedryl.

had dream, erotic dream, that i was banging this qt gurl i knew tangentially in kollige, and i regret not noticing and pursuing her more. i just forgot she was there. but i might have had a chance with her because she was really nice to me the few times i did see her. and she was super duper qt. so now i occasionally have dreams about her hahahahahaha. prob always will. better her than THAT woman.

in this dream we were in the room with another person, and the qt woman was THROWING herself at me, just jumping on me, wanted to get fooked hard NAO. i was like, uhh theres somebody else in here, lets get a room i mean, then ill be happy to fook you hard. eventually i just let myself get taken in having public secs like a degen, because how do you say no to a young qt gurl. you cant. but i was like hmmm i really dont like sluts, i was hoping she wasnt like this, and god damn shes gotta be bipolar. and how long is this gonna last. shes probably gonna dump me within a month. why cant she just be a nicer, less bipolar, less degen, less slutty gurl. but oh well i might as well enjoy this for the brief time it lasts. but its gonna suck when she loses interest in me quickly. and she is REALLY interested now. but thats nothing. shes gotten like this for lots of guys. im not the first and sure wont be the last. and THIS is not gonna last. its not gonna get any better than this. damn. i hoped she was a better woman than this, i kinda liked her, had a fictional pedestal fantasy of her.

listening to newest 2015 iron maiden album book of souls. never listened. bruce still sounds great. not sure how they will hold attention for NINETY fookin minutes. WAY too long. but it sounds good so far.

meh you know what i will come back to this one hehehehe.

so took the valium. see if that even works. it is old valium. but i have like 90 of them, might as well use them while i dont have any MJ. i guess its kicking in a little bit. barely noticeable. not like MJ where you DEFINITELY notice it. how is MJ going in MA and NV right now? i know in ME they dont even have retail stores. or in CA either. i dont think. it still takes a year to get that shit set up. weak hahahaha. they dont immediaetly turn into CO overnight.

But in fact, recreational sales don’t become legal until next year. (2018). in california. ok.

n Diego legalized recreational pot dispensaries on Tuesday and the city also opened up the possibility it will allow pot farms, manufacturing facilities and testing labs.

San Diego is the first local city to approve recreational marijuana sales since state voters approved Proposition 64 in November, and no other cities in the county have indicated they intend to follow suit.

jan 2017. ok so go to san diego if you want to buy MJ.

until recreational dispensaries set up shop, which Metro said could happen as early as March. nevada 2017. cuz i mean vegas is a popular tourist destination and plenty of cheap flights. probably cheaper to fly to vegas than to CO.

state legislators in December passed a law delaying the sale of recreational marijuana products in approved retail dispensaries until July 2018. MA

yep. winterfylleth. signed up for songkick just so i could get a notification if they tour in the US. hehehehe. listened to the whole 1 hour album. thats a long album and its a really good sign if i can sit through the whole damn thing. just glad to really enjoy a new band.

anyway that dream. i ultimately dont like when women throw themselves at you like slutty bipolar nymphomaniacs because that means theres something wrong with THEM, and also theyre gonna lose interest in you REALLY quickly, and that is very jarring. i mean its only happened to me once but i never forgot it hahahaha. yes that gurl was bipolar confirmed and taking lithium before the age of 20. heh. wish i had had more time to actually have a serious discussion with her about Bipolar and how she dealt with it. but that would involve her hanging out with me for an appreciable amount of time.

thats a good sign. is a woman willing to spend a decent amount of TIME with you or do they just want to fook and LEAVE ahhaahhhaaha. thats what i liked about That Woman is that she liked me enough as a person to want to hang out with me for hours. sometimes hahaha.

i mean come on. im really not THAT lame. i might be a little boring and an underachiever, but you could do a LOT worse than spending a nice solid 4 hour hangout session with me hahahaha. smoke some MJ, watch some youtube, talk about 1387, talk about JQ, talk about degeneracy, watch some TV and talk about how degen and J it is, play some games, watch jeopardy, play some mario kart, smoke some more MJ, cuddle up and watch the decalogue hahahaha, make some food, go get some food, go for a scenic drive, go for a scenic walk in the park, watch the sunset. sounds like a fookload of fun amiright? go to an ethnic club, where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to an artsy fartsy movie, go to a concert, go to an 1433 meetup where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to the gym together where hopefully you dont leave me for an alphaer or blacker guy, hahahahahahahahahaha.

im secure about that because i really CANT compete with other guys for women. so if im hanging out with a woman in public where there are other Willing Guys, of course i worry that she’s gonna get a wandering eye and lose interest in me for a Better guy. also because women have historically lost interest in me really quick and gotten with other guys who they liked more. shit yeah that is a big blow to your confidence.

and really i havent had a women interested in me in that way, even the slightest short term one month interest, in like…..holy shit TWELVE fookin years hehehehe.

but it was nice having a woman be interested in me as even Just A Friend when that happened like 3 years ago. 3 years ago might have been the peak of muh friendship with that woman. and holy shit even that is a long time ago. it doesnt feel liek that long hehehehe.

heh was a REAL BOSS today and put on track time starts on two youtube vidyas for good albums where the uploader nor any other commenters were generous enough to do that. you know. where you can click on the time and jump right to any song on the album for full album videos. hopefully will get plenty of upboats and thank you comments hahahahahaha. cuz these degen metal fans dont even think of taking 3 minutes to do this. well i wasnt any better until today, i never did this till today.

took the benedryl several hours after the valium.

went and installed f.lux on the computer to soften the harsh bright light of the screen at night time. with my tons of ram it does not have any noticeable memory footprint hehe.

george brand. for the man who wants to dress professional but also wants to buy his professional clothes at WALMART hahahahahahahahaha.

wish weev had some cooler people with him and not those dumb women, but women luv weev for reasons i shouldnt’ need to mansplain. they would fly halfway across the world to have weevs babies. and i definitely want weev to have many hwyte babies.

heh i am much more attached and hero worshipping of weev than i am of for example mike enoch. if weev did something disappointing, i would be a lot more disappointed.

had 7 minute conversation with adjacent department colleague. he is way too smart to be in his current job, which is a job i would like to have. but he is a big ideas man who would be very well suited for grad skool IMHO and he is thinking about it and sort of on the fence…..but he is light years ahead of me as far as having a good plan and talking a great game and doing his research, and READING BOOKS, working on a business plan, looking at schools, looking at programs, plus he is more charismatic than me and has a GF who is planning on going to med skool.

full version, without the silly music, of anti-pornography interview by ted bundy MERE HOURS before he was executed, linked early in that MPC thread

nofap is kinda ridiculous, i think the much more important thing is NOPORN. porn is INHERENTLY destructive and horrible, a LOT more than jerking off is. of course when you pair the two, a lot of people get it confused. no you can still jerk off, just dont look at porn. ever. again.

anyway yeah i talked to this guy who is nice and charming and very smart, he is somewhat like me in that he is currently “underachieving”, but he’s underachieving way less than me because at least he’s above bare minimum, he is well positioned to go to grad school, he has a gf, and seems well adjusted. i should try to hang out with him socially hahahahaha. and while i agree with him on several important points such as a radical reimagining of Education, the destruction of the modern university as we know it, meaningless Credentialism etc, i am SURE he is much more leftist than me, and seeks to make everyone equal, etc. also uhhh i don’t think this guy is technically hwyte hahahahahahahaha. but he is nice and smart and i feel favorably to him.

so is me not disclosing my views, is that disingenuous, or is that Good Tactical Taqqiya? especially since i cant really argue my views well with smart people.

this guy really is a really good drummer, really fun to listen to him rawkkkkkk the fook out on those drums. PLENTY of superfast blasts as well as the more med paced ones. great drum SOUND as well. well done lad.

not sure how much i love the overall production, but the drums sound great and the mellow parts, maybe the heavy guitar is a little fuzzy. a minor quibble.

just exploding with high energy, impossible to believe this is just one guy. but yeah his energetic drumming is the foundation of all that. the rocking bass playing probably helps too. not that bass has any place in black metal hahahahaha. this might be my moment where i finally Get Into Panopticon. shit i even like the phaggy nonmetal parts. none of it sounds insincere. hey maybe all the people saying panopticon was good were on to something.

yasssss ive KNOWN about them/him for a long time, 5 years at least hahahaha.

he does really like those fast blast beats. good for him. i think i would play in a similar style as him if i could actually play drums. i am aiming for the same target as him. the same drumming muse motivates us hahaha.

jan 27

see i like that he does the fast beats over (under?) very melodic, catchy riffs that could just as well work with somewhat slower beats, so you can still totally understand the riff, rather than for example nile who have fast blasts and fast, meaningless, incomprehensible riffs that sound like total wankery. fun, passionate, happy wankery but still wankery.

anyway. day off here. was very tired last night and fell asleep easily. the big surprise was the greatness of the sleep that followed. long, solid sleep, but also filled with interesting dreams which i will try to remember.

one sort of confidence shaking one involved me meeting with muh boss’s boss, who is pretty much an official higher-up, and kind of an intimidating, no nonsense, masculine man who wants to get things done. not very surprising given his professional role. but obv i want him to like me. so he was having a brutally honest talk with me about My Fit with the Organization, how I can see everyone around me has masters degrees and are consummate professionals, so what do I really think about that, heavy implication that i obv dont have a masters degree and am underachieving as fook, i am now an older man, WHY ARE YOU HERE, why arent you doing MORE, and WHAT ARE YOUR CAREER GOALS. that was a direct question. tell me right here and now what you are trying to do with your life, what are your career goals, prove to me that you are a good fit with this team, impress me with your specific career goals. and i was caught off guard and started rambling nonsense, a bad answer, and he saw it immediately because he is very perceptive, and quickly shut it down. ok ok ok i see where you stand, let’s end this meeting now and let you go back to your underachievement. with the heavy implication that i was now marked as the underachieving loser slacker who would never be considered for promotion.

now the reality is, i will never be “promoted” per se, the best that could happen, and I guess that IS muh immediate career goal, is to do such a good job here and now, that IF a better position opened up, I would be the top choice for it. that is, i won’t ever be promoted in this position, i would have to apply and interview for a totally new job. in the sense of req codes and job classifications and unions. all our jobs are kinda strictly defined which certainly is related to The Union.

anyway if he ever had that discussion in real life, and he wouldn’t, if anything it would be my direct manager, who is personality is more….gentle but he still gets a lot of stuff done. I would tell him, I love muh job but obviously want something more substantial, i would love to have more responsibility (hours, money) in this department, i want to be the top candidate here. i’ve been on the fence about masters degree for ever and i think i have legit reasons for that. but your opinion is important and if you push me in that direction, that would help get me off the fence. i just dont want to pay 50 grand for a useless masters degree. would basically be what i would say.

what else. i was a young man living in a house much like how i did at that time, with a ton of other young students. common theme in muh dreams. i was sitting and talking with an “older” woman who was the mother of this gurl I fancied who lived in the house too. this was a real gurl I did once fancy. there was also a young man there who was the gurls brother. i never RL met the mother or the brother. they were talking disparagingly of the woman, that she was a very shallow, judgmental, bitchy young woman, that she only liked you if she could use you, she only liked cool, good-looking people, and treated you like garbage if you weren’t, and this is a bad way to be, and she better change her attitude.

in the dream i was kinda friends with the woman and was thinking wow that’s a little harsh, dont talk about muh waifu like that hahaha. i hope she’s not really like that. but this is her FAMILY saying this about her!

funny enough, i never saw that woman in the dream. in real life, she was a very young, very qt gurl who i was sorta friends with for a while. but she WAS kinda bitchy like that, and also a bipolar, crazy, mudshark slut doing flighty things and prob very good at Ghosting people or throwing them away. she didnt really throw me away, we just kinda drifted apart and really werent that close to begin with.

later in the dream i met with other young women in the house, who were trying to suss out how i felt about that woman. who i liked every though everyone else didnt. i was talking to a Good Looking, Light Skinned Black Gurl who was kinda friendly to me and was possibly open to me banging her. I would much prefer to Bang the other woman and I wasn’t in luv with Race Mixing….but this Black gurl was miraculously good-looking enough to tempt me. believe me that never happens with blacks hahahaha.

i basically tried to very softly state to her that I thought she was good looking, but also that I thought the other (hwyte) gurl was good looking too. I made some great bullshit statement about being 1% attracted to somebody. wish i could remember it. i am a fan of the female form and appreciate all kinds and flavors of female beauty. a good looking gurl is a good looking gurl. certainly you, as a good looking gurl, can appreciate that, hahahahaha.

thats about it. no real lessons in that one, other than yeah i should have listened to other people and not pedestalized that woman, because she was clearly not a great person. and she wasnt! i would have totally dated her though.

she could have been a better person if she had seriously seen a shrink and just kept her legs closed and just made a damn effort to be a better person. but she had big daddy issues of course. SAD.

i mean i dont think she was that bad of a person. she was just heavily compromised and broken and even if i did date her, i know she would have dumped me quickly and it would have been yugely disappointing. she was very disappointing. because she could have been much much better. fairly smart, great looking hwyte gurl. i blame the father for abandoning her. and the mother, im sure, was at least a little crazy herself. mother married a pretty stable man early in the gurls life but it appeared the damage had already been done. to the mothers credit, she did pretty well with that guy and built a seemingly stable family.

great comment here by millennial former p0rn freak who realized the error of his ways. this yuge thread just gets better and better. prob should permalink it. ok done.

QUOTE

The young man becomes insatiable by 21. Now there isn’t even a hint of affection in the scenes he watches. Love, healthy emotion, and even pleasure itself are passe. ……On it spirals, the curious young id, into French curls of perversion and decadence. Whips. Chains. Anger. Raw frustration. Rage. Hate. Sex is now hate to him. Sex is just ugly, contemptible, shameful: a grim continent of disgusting Freudian urges. Why fight it? Keep going. Keep looking. Keep clicking. There’s salvation, there’s absolution out there somewhere.

Until one day the young man, alone in his onanistic filth and fluid, learns the master lesson of human sexuality. If he is wise, his heart and intuition will lead him there. That lesson is as follows: the sexual impulse is perverted if it is aimed at pleasure alone. There is no greater cause of human heartache than chasing pleasure for pleasure’s sake. All the sexual impulses must be directed toward some higher purpose: strengthening a marital bond or forming a family. Any other avenue of sexuality hijacks the awesome power of your libido and makes a slave out of you.

I quit porn. I quit any kind of sexual titillation not involving a real, living woman I love and with whom I wish to raise a family.

I only wish I’d been given this prime directive more forcefully as a child.

END QUOTE

big march for life today in DC, almost forgot about this. they should have this at LEAST twice a year, ideally every week or day. i think its a good opportunity for pro-hwytes to be visible and active. get richard spencer at this thing hahaha. they are incorporating Gays For Life, which is not the best way to go imho. well….i dunno. on the fence about that. if it can help overturn roe v wade, then it would be good. and then we could focus on turning down the gay degeneracy. IMHO i think abortion is the bigger problem. that commonplace, feminist-related, straight-WOMAN-related degeneracy is a more pressing issue than gay degeneracy.

so i dont read enough books hahahaha. i did an impulse buy of this book. i was looking at bowling alone, which is somewhat of a classic. then remembered when i talked to my intelligent colleague yesterday, he mentioned bowling alone as well, and said putnam did another book on education. i THINK he was talking about “our kids.” that would prob be more up my alley right now. almost bought that one, then read some critical reviews saying “coming apart” was better, on a sim topic, and less PC. plus i had heard about “coming apart” ever since it came out and I have respected murray ever since the bell curve which i bought like 5 years ago hahahaha. also its PAYDAY so this is muh gift to myself. plus it talks about HWYTES directly in the title. ok i’ll bite.

also i look for books where you can get a used hardcover book for a decent price. got a 60/40 shot here, not in your favor.

ok big task for the day is go to store. aiming to do that at 6pm.

just wanted to say for all i talk about pr0n, im not really tempted to watch it, and im greatful for that. but it ULTIMATELY wouldnt matter if i were tempted every single day, as long as 1. i realized it was bad, 2. AND i resisted the temptation. so i would stand in moral solidarity with the men that are really STRUGGLING there, fighting the good fight. i am no better than them. if anything this shows you the temptation is only temporary. this too shall pass.

tbh im MUCHHHHHHH more tempted with MJ. i think about it ALL THE TIME, several times a day. if i HAD any, i WOULD be indulging in it every day.

in a way, being a habitual porn user is WORSE than a woman being a dirty slut. because she STILL doesnt watch PORN.

think about it. the pathetic foreveralone atomized virgin with 31 tabs of weird porn. cant talk to gurls. sees secs as jooish narcissistic pleasure only. with no idea how to relate to other people. at least the slut has better social skills! the slut isnt shutting herself away from people and hasnt stunted her ability to deal socially with the opposite secs!

in fact, in dealing with REAL HUMAN SECS rather than the fake illusion of porn, the woman has MUCH more occasion to view sex as a human act. because it isnt such a SOLITARY pursuit for her. the human, two-person nature of secs is MUCH harder for the slut to deny, than for the pathetic neet constantly jerking off to videos, by himself, never experiencing that with another living person.

so its probably HARDER to become a slut than to become a porno addict neet hehehe. because to become hard to Actual Human Interaction like that and STILL DO IT indicates a VERY poor moral character. i think its easier to fall into porn than to fall into sluttery in other words. porn is a MORE slippery slope. cuz its JUST YOU. only you and the weird, twisted world you’re creating, no one else there to help pull you back from that abyss.

its easier to associate secs with Human Bonding when you are having actual secs with an actual person, in other words. so yeah the women that CAN do that I think are even WORSE off than the most hardened pathetic porno neets.

and if you “gave” these porno neets a real woman, that might be like a harsh wake up call to the Human Element of secs, which might get them to quit porn. but porn obviously DRAINS your Social Capital and Charisma and makes it much less likely you could get a real woman to consent to secs with you. so i guess the best solution is to spend decent money to get an attractive hooker. because hookers are still humans hehehehe. unlike porn. not saying those gurls arent humans either, because they are. they are probably the most pathetic of all. but no way the hardened porn jerker is gonna udnerstand that.

its just such a bad shitty thing and i cant believe more normie men dont realize it. they might not become daily, 31 tab porn addicts, but they still beat off to it once a week and think its harmless, fun, hot, sexy. thats bad enough!!!!!! even if they still havent been harmed enough so that they can’t pull human women.

like guys who have a GF they have regular secs with but STILL watch porn. i GUARANTEE the porn will EVENTUALLY cause a problem. and with good reason, because it IS a real problem.

anyway im just thankful i am not tempted by it and i have not watched it in well over a year. like 15 months maybe.

wish i could just as easily not want to smoke MJ. i dont know how im gonna do that. with porn i simply stopped watching it. MJ i havent even smoked in like 4 months but still think about it every day.

heh why havent i looked for an MPC thread on MJ. theres gotta be one.

oh right. because they either dont have a SEARCH function, or, more likely, i am too low-rep to use it or even see it. doesnt make much sense tho. i mean the forum is largely open to read to the public, why not make it searchable. can google do it?

anyway. i think i ALWAYS had an IDEA that porn was somehow wrong. gross and ugly and not realistic. but i used it ANYWAY. but i dont think my heart ever became completely closed. i was aware it might be hurting my behavior with real women, but i did it anyway.

i didnt think it was a huge problem, because i didnt spend hours looking at it at a time. i didnt have 31 tabs open. but maybe i had 10 tabs open! and i used it most days! even if it was just 10 minutes, go to a trusted source, and rub one out. that was bad enough. thank god i never got to the point where i had huge hours-long porn marathons, just looking and looking and looking.

but damn if i didnt still graduate to weirder and weirder stuff anyway!

and i think it did make me hate women, because i thought that those real-life sluts had reduced their real-life sex to something crude and disgusting just like this porno!

and now that i’m fully aware of exactly how disgusting and wrong porn is, i STILL think real life sluts treat their real-life sex like this, which makes me have extreme contempt for them…….but they probably DONT, so i SHOULDNT hate them so much. they probably STILL feel some human connection.

when i was looking at porn, i KNEW it was lacking the human connection, and that the human connection was something I really WANTED. but i did it anyway because i was horny. just wanted to see some naked young girls fooking and doing increasing weird stuff. but i still wanted a gf and a rel and cuddles and luv. i knew that the porn was at the very least WEIRD and not realistic, but i guess i accepted it as an imperfect Substitute. its actually a hell of a lot less harmless than that. i certainly didnt realize how harmful it was.

even NOW i believe it still affects the way i view women! thats probably the worst long term harm its done to me. i wish i could undo it. i am cautiously optimistic More Years without porn will help here. but point is, even a year plus cannot completely undo it. its LONG TERM shit.

like you see a woman inadvertantly show cleavage while leaning over, and you think Automatic Negative Thoughts like that dirty slut. sex means nothing to her. she fooks guys and throws them away, the sociopath. and that is almost certainly not true. you are looking at reality COMPLETELY WRONG. heh. that is humbling and hard to accept.

A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.

signature of “marketing guru” on MPC who has a pciture of tim ferriss for his pic hahaha. looks like tim ferriss is the originator of the quote too hahahaha. well he’s kinda a BELLEND but i kinda like some of the things ferris says, and this is one of them

i read part of 4 hour work week in 2012 and kinda wish i hadnt gotten rid of the book, i think i purged it as “jooish degeneracy” but he’s not really jooish. he is a very successful hwyte man who despite being kinda sleazy has said some powerful things hehehe. has lessons to teach.

QUOTE from pman: But what really sets them apart is that they struggle to relate to other people, which comes across clearly online and must be glaringly apparent in real life. What’s also apparent is that porn consumers operate with a strikingly high level of baseline depression, which they use porn (among other things, probably) to combat.

end quote hehehe. like i say, great thread, good reason ive permalinked it in the sidebar. i hope the MJ thread can help quell my urge to do MJ hehehe. which as ive said is a MUCH bigger threat atm than porn. ive pretty much solved muh pron problem thank god (although still feel the long term residual effects!!!!) but at least I dont WANT it the same way i’ve CONSTANTLY WANTED MJ.

gavin mccuck writes for takis which is a halfway decent “gateway to the alt right” site. hes actually a decent writer even if he is a weak cuck married to an asian joo with little mixed kids. terrible. sad. but this article sees him smokin modern MJ and getting a panic attack. and basically he is becoming more anti-MJ now that he sees how STRONG the stuff is.

whats worrisome is i would get panic attacks and paranoia and STILLLLL want to smoke it!!!!!

yeah pretty good thread, needs to be longer tho. and uhhh i still wanna smoke MJ. god damn it hehehehe.

i actually took a pretty much full dose of nyquil at 7pm after coming back from the store, did my Goal for the day thank god. then had nyquil. then drank some coffee because i wanted to play cards for a little. actually did ok today. left with more than i came in with. 4 to 6. that does not happen most of the time hahaha.

about to go to bed now. this is why i took the nyquil, so i could sleep long time when i did go to bed. guess i could have just taken it now hahaha. 1030pm.

saor aura album. pretty sure i like saor better than panopticon but its nice to hear panopticon drumming for saor on this album because he’s such a good drummer and he brings his great style and sound to this album.

and thats all folks! very simple! Do they regret it, and have they changed. the end. and a woman whos only had one or two casual partners will regret it and change a lot more than a woman who has had 40 casual partners will have a Road To Damascus moment.

when you regret and change, you USUALLY do that EARLY in the “pattern.” it doesn’t become a pattern. its one and done.

YOU ONLY NEED ONE TO LEARN YOUR LESSON.

There was a great thread on TRS about this recently: how much past degeneracy is too much, and some of us have been degen, so we dont want to be huge hypocrites, and yes it is a fallen world, and yes our waifus will have a history……..

………but how much is too much?

and they came to basically the same conclusions I did above. can’t copy the thread because i would get banned hahahaha.

i mean, you can’t learn and change if you don’t regret something. and WANT to change. you wouldnt WANT or TRY to change if you DIDNT regret being a disgusting whore.

met attractive young woman in nearby department……but she is a damn ARAB. one of those fairly good-looking arab women. i mean not a 9/10 or anything, but def bangable for the desperate hahaha. but what if she was really really NICE and LOYAL to me and wanted to Date me? i mean when a woman does those things for you……i imagine it would be pretty persuasive. i have always wanted a woman who was willing to Go To Bat for me and not Leave Me In The Lurch hahahaha. willing to make a sacrifice for me. get some damn skin in the game. actually GIVE something. MAKE AN EFFORT. it does mean a lot.

So, do not get close to the arab gurl. very simple hahaha. find a nice huhwhyte gurl to get close to. easier said than done hahaha.

so many arabs. the 18, 20 year old kids are all damn arabs. scary. demographic replacement. and i want to be PARTICIPATING in my own replacement??!?!?!?!?! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!!!

14 WORDS!!!!!

so yeah im not worried about that. well i am more worried about never making enough money to have a wife and children.

i mean there will ALWAYS be dirty sluts to fook. pump and dump. if i never find a good waifu and have children, i would at least like to pump and dump degenerate sluts some of the time.

good comments here, everyone sees that george has despair and needs to go see a docker, but he is SO STUBBORN. i know how it is, i was the same exact way, REFUSED to see a doctor unti I was 25. he just refused for about 5 or 6 more years hahahahaha.

I can’t say it REALLY helped me, but it probably helped me a LITTLE, and it definitely didnt HURT me. i was like fook this shit, i am willing to GAMBLE on drugs. give me some damn drugs already, im ALREADY permanently fooked up, i am willing to gamble, if this has ANY chance of helping me. and i think it did help a little. so it was worth it.

also curious why he wont try MJ. i mean that might not help him. its fair if he doesnt really like it. shit I dont really like it, if i have too MUCH of it, or I am AROUND people. I have to be by MYSELF, and preferably in complete isolation. hard to find the privacy needed to enjoy it. very hard.

alt lite sl00t lauren southern makes a video supporting millennial woes, thats kinda big, i thought they would condemn him for being a horrible racist.

MW himself appears in the comments

yeah im thinking he’s not gonna disappear forever.

dont show your damn tits so much ya damn n>5 sl00t hahahahaha. hey im just going through an anti women PHASE for the next 3 months, it’s only temporary, its only a PHASE.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

have some god damn sexual morality.

you know who DOESNT have sexual morality?

(((((((((((((( YOU KNOW WHO. ))))))))))))))

and the hwytes theyve poisoned of course.

REGRET YOUR MISTAKES. FEEL ASHAMED OF THEM, THEN CHANGE YOURSELF FOR THE BETTER. DONT DO THOSE SHITTY THINGS ANY MORE. AND DONT DO THE SHITTY THING 600000000000000 TIMES BEFORE YOU START TO FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. STOP SUCKING AND FOOKING SO MANY GUYS. DONT YOU THINK ITS GROSS HOW YOU HAVE GOD DAMN HERPES???!!?!?!??!!!! THATS NATURE TELLING YOU WHAT YOURE DOING IS DISGUSTNG AND WRONG!!!!!

heh. i just dont know how women can have secs with strangers. even IF theyve been brainwashed by schlomo. well theres peer pressure too. all their friends are doing it. and then college. i mean theyre already sluts in high school. this is why we homeschool hahaha.

ok women 2015 and 2012 went to degen public high schools and did not become sluts. so. theres that.

heh. i still want her. i mean i KNOW i can live without her, but i still want to hang out with her, dont care about hanging out with other women. but i dont KNOW any other women.

and if i cant get any women then i would like ot have some MJ.

but yeah i would totally bang the shit out of lauren southern, i am not above that whatsoever. just really manhandle that body. get real MANHANDSY.

heh. i wish high school had a military class, to get you psyched up to join the military when you were 18, so you did like PRACTICE military when you were 16, so boot camp wouldnt be so rough when you were 18.

well theres boy scouts. i should have done this but i was not a joiner. i thought the boy scouts were phaggots. i thought EVERYONE was phaggots. i had an even WORSE attitude than i had now! at least now i respect SOME authority! and actively reject degeneracy! well, some degeneracy. i still want to do MJ. but i KNOW its degen!

HOLY SHIT 7TH SON WAS DOXED!!!!!!!!

well i guess its not being spread as far and wide as i would expect

this only happened 4 or 5 days ago. holy shit. 7th son, full name, home address, family. holy shit this is ridiculous. also found a thing with ghoul’s real name, address, really personal stuff about his family.

i dont even get it. not even sure marxist antifa were behind this. something to do with something said on red ice? holy shit this is absolutely ridiuclous. wifes name, pictures of the kids, these SAVAGES.

Well 7th son is handling it as best as a man possibly could, just laughing about it, “owning it”, even posting a few pictures himself. i will prob never understand the Forum Drama that led to this. but i do wonder what 7th son’s fatal flaw was. how did they piece it all together. i mean i did see the livestream screenshot from last year in there. maybe that was what did it. and he is a musician in normie life so there are pictures of normie him.

just fookin crazy tho. but if hes not worried i’m not worried. he has been posting since the dox.

i mean shit at this rate k1ke enoch will prob get doxed. its just a matter of time. i hope he is preparing himself. im sure he is, he’s a smart guy.

i just dont want anyone’s career to suffer, or their families to suffer, to have people harrassing wives and children. but really. a couple of phaggy sjw’s protesting outside 7S’s house? his CHILDREN could beat their asses!!!!!!!!!

but yeah 7thS i am most concerned about, because he’s older and has children. he is even somewhat older than me hahahahahahaha. but not by a lot hahahaa. but he’s got a great attitude about it all. good for him.

shit what if i got doxed and fired from my 13k a year job hahahahaha.

jan 12

UNCLE BERN does a video on MILLENNIAL WOES, first time i think Bern has mentioned MW. Come on Uncle Bern. Join the TRVE Alt-Right. Take the J Pill!!!!!

its great when you get rejected for an 13k a year part time job FOUR MONTHS after you first apply, AND they REPOST the position the SAME DAY. that’s saying we didnt find anyone in 4 months good enough for this 13k job, AND you’re not allow to apply again, we’re not interested in you, otherwise we would have called you for an interview.

i would have been a little more annoyed if i didnt already have the current job. which is a similar 13k a year job with the same large org.

i have been reading heartiste for OVER TEN YEARS and he/they were always friendly to hwytes, and now that alt right and pro-hwyte is getting big, i am glad he continues to be very friendly to it, and see tons of 1433 in the comments.

wimmin tech ceo ladyboss leaning in with her professional advice

yep middle amerikkka racist workin class hwytes like me and MY PEOPLE vote against our interests because we DONT WANT TO SEE BROWN PEOPLE THRIVE.

what a jooish thing to say, amirite? what a fookin race traitor hahahahaha. bet her one kid grows up to be a phag druggie loser bipolar biracial trannie hahahahaha

i would be great at doxing people, i was talking to a “customer” today who is a really great guy, just a really great guy, and we share some interest in…..europeans and i should try to convert him to VVN hahahahaha. i found where he lives just using google and some things i knew about him from talking to him. this is what happens when your name is on the internet hahaha. he is totally doxed, it doesnt matter, he interacts with a ton of people and uses his real name. MOST people dont even know what doxing is because they have no reason to use a fake name ever!

but yeah this guy is so great i have to take some time to really let it sink in. getting a mancrush on this 70 year old man hahahaha. he has a masters degree but is super down to earth. well, so are all the people i work newjob with. they all have masters degrees and are very down to earth. i would try to be the same way if i had a masterz degree hahaha.

but yeah lets just say this guy is RIGHT in my demographic wheelhouse and if he were a 20 year old woman, i would marry him hahahaha.

heh. now that hwyte is KEWL again, and whyte men are KEWL again, and whyte gurls like whyte guys again, i wont be able to compete with the fresh crop of new young secsy whyte guys! why go for a 30+ year old neet loser VVN when you can go for a 20 year old alpha chad VVN who has tons of potential for a good career? i cant blame these women for picking superior men!

ok ok settle down

welp at this point more people are doxed than undoxed. seriously. except for….mike enoch. and…….i dunno. the “small time” podcast guys on TRS no one has heard about like the fatherland guys or fash the nation.

i dont want to be doxed probably just as much because of me whining about my pathetic virgin neet loserness, that is a lot more humiliating and embarrassing then me saying 1433 hywytes are awesome HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING HWYTE

i honestly do fam, it’s not complicated at all, thats all there is to it. but being hwyte is the best thing about me. really i am quite a low quality hwyte and can’t seem to pull myself out of it. i guess i have been low quality since…2002 or so. didnt really start CARING abotu that till 08 or 09.

i mean i wasnt HAPPY about it from 02 to 08 either, i was just drinkin tons and smokin tons to distract and numb and block out and stupefy and escape. i wasnt a happy go lucky degenerate. not a true full blown hedonist. because then i would have been 100% enjoying myself. but i wasn’t. i knew deep down what i was doing was WRONG. i was ashamed. so escape the shame by doing more shameful drinking.

met a black african from africa today with a phd in math. i still can’t even. why is he not making 300k a year with some…..i dunno , business, finance, research, analytics? instead he is teaching, not even high profile jobs, not even doing respectable research, he prob doesn’t like teaching, and his students definitely dont like HIM, and think he’s a bad teacher! god damn! how can you fook up a phd in MATH?

i’m sure he’s smart enough to have a good upper middle class job. this isnt even about him being a black african. it’s about him having a PHD in MATH and making less than 50k a year. period. that tells me that phd in math isnt a much of a magic bullet, write your own ticket sort of degree.

you still gotta have CHARISMA. and god bless him, he didn’t seem to have much of that. CHARISMA is really the most important thing in life. Charisma and hard work, even better.

and i never had either. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

call the waaaaaamberlamps hahahahaha.

but yeah if you have a grad degree AND charisma, you’ll prob do well. the guys i work with who have grad degrees, they also have charisma as well. they are pleasant to talk to, nice people, good people, good talkers, can hold a conversation. they are also fairly hard workers. they have been justly rewarded with good careers, good middle class lives, white wives, and white children. thank god. each man has MORE than two white children. fookin AWESOME. they didnt marry g00ks, and they picked good women who didnt dump them, and they live good, admirable lives. but i don’t think their masters degrees would have gotten them as far if they weren’t as charismatic. as CHARMING. the one guys wife is not ugly. havent seen the other guys wife, but i know she is first gen european. and not from a nonwhite euro country like albania or finland HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

no jk i luv the finns. i dont mean to compare them to the albs in any way.

this isnt like when they used to say irish and poles arent white. NOBODY says the albanians are white. NOBODY REALLY said poles werent white.

now i know in UK they dont like poles. play the EJ00 for that, dont blame poles. no more D&C, no more brother wars hahahaha.

so. what do you if you get doxed…..and no one really cares? seventh son got doxed and i had to make a concerted effort to even find the info. its not big on twitter or /r/altright or youtube. no one even really knows or cares who SS is! I mean I think he’s great. Theres a great example of GR8 CHARISMA. That guy is a CHARMER. That guy knows how to talk to people. I think he would be GREAT to socialize with.

but its totally different than the MW doxing. that is big news. all over the news and youtube. people who never spoke of MW are now speaking positively of him. people who never heard of him are now checking him out. absolutely none of that with SS. i guess this partially explains why he’s taking it very well, but i was kinda hoping for 6 million white normies to view TRS and say, yep i like this.

and i am super disgusted that, unlike with MW, the people that doxed SS aren’t even antifa, they are just edgy nihilist neet virgin forum geeks who will put FORUM DRAMA ahead of their own RACE. i literally cant even. there might even be a few who believe TRS is j00 shills. like if nutcases like sinead were good at computerz and doxing. like a god damn 50 foot baby with a flamethrower. this is the absolute worst kind of punching to the right there is. this is absolute treason. even a child knows that doxing is wrong. unless you totally have a screw loose. there are other ways to prank somebody than doxing.

but if seventh son keeps calling himself seventh son or sven, and all of his fans keep calling him that, i mean we don’t even CARE what his real name is. to me and i’m sure to many others, he’ll always be 7th son, and MW will always be MW. no need for us to even SAY their real names. If I ever contacted them I would still address them as SS or MW unless they made a big announcement about wanting people to call them by their doxed normie name.

just like im sure people will still use guy fieri or vince vaughn pictures to make seventh son memes, even though his real face is out there.

but yeah if mike enoch lasts another 6 months undoxed i will be shocked. im sure he is preparing. well, i think he PROB has better opsec than SS.

really im just worried about ME getting doxed hahahaha. i mean i have no marketable skills that employers would say, meh we dont care if hes a NOTSEE, none of our clients care, and he’ll make us money.

FINALLY, i’ve been waiting a long time for a decent hand

and with my luck, i would lose with AA. and he had a damn good hand too. the second best hehehehe. i went all in with like 3 and won the pot of 6.09. so my stack was 6.09 after the win. not 12.18 hehehehe.

heh. i dont even want my poker name to be doxxed hehehe. and thats nowhere close to my real name and i dont even use it anywhere else.

but yeah the 8ch vs TRS thing, somebody said it was almost like the neet sperg virgins against the normie chads. beta uprising against the bully chads who just werent as nerdy on the computarz. and when you have that much omega butthurt, you dont care about lashing out and hurting people of your race. you just want to get revenge on the popular guys who get the gurlz. i would mention columbine but i dont even think those guys were lonely for waifus, i think they were just nihilist psychopath sociopaths, the type who like torturing animals.

now i’m SURE the g00k virgins like virginia tech and elliot rodger, yeah they hated and envied whytes, because they wanted to BE whyte so they could get whyte gurls. see the elliot rodger manifesto, which is nowhere NEAR as good as the breivik manifesto hahaha.

i come from an older generation where we were kids in the 90s and we were so nihilistic, we used to worship serial killers and marilyn manson. serial killers were automatically cool because they were crazy and sadistic and K’d people. we wouldn’t have bother makign a distinction between cho and rodger other than cho was Moar Badass because he had a higher Body Count. and evaluating the manifestos on their own merit was unheard of, a waste of time that could be better used playing vidya or beating off to pron or smokin MJ. Like I say, horrifying depths of degeneracy. but I’m ashamed of it, i regret it, and I never want to go back to it. i’ve repented and learned my lesson and never got that bad again.

but i still want to sm0ke mj hehe.

but i DONT want to look at porn, and i certainly dont want to glorify crazy nihilistic serial K’ers!!!!! Nowadays I glorify things that are WORTH being glorified: beauty, truth, morality, virtue, honesty, hard work, honestly, charisma, confidence, 14 words, folk, family, faith, blood and soil, honor, being a man of your word, doing the right thing. did i miss anything. prudence. temperance. moderation. self-control. stoicism. tradition. being a good husband and father. heritage. strength. perseverance. resilience. toughness. being a true blue cobber. bantzing cvnts and seppos with some ripper belter qualityposting.

heh i just dnated 6.16 to trs to show solidarity to sven getting doxed, and also to prove that i am not a infiltrator on the 504umz, cuz i never actually post there, and lurking looks suspicious.

You sent $6.16 USD to redacted
YOUR NOTE TO redacted

Hail Sven! Sorry about the insultingly tiny d’nation, but I already d’nate every week on LiberaPay, haha. Just wanted to score Good Boi Points for my forum persona @redacted so you know I’m not a damn traitor like the swine who doxxed you. (Plz don’t dox my normie name thx :DDDDDD) What those filthy animals did is absolutely disgusting, and I am sorry you and your family have to deal with that. I admire that you are dealing with it as well as a right true blue cobber can. It’s also comforting knowing that your young children could easily beat the shit out of the types of sissy, pantywaste antifa that would ever want to harass you IRL. I guarantee they are going after Mike E next, so hope he is planning accordingly. Anyway, keep up the great work, TRS is the greatest pro-hwyte organization in the past 70 years or so, haha. HAIL VICTORY! – redacted

heh. mainly it is to remove suspicion from me being a LURKER on the forums, since that makes it look like you are an infiltrator gaining intelligence, copying private shit, sending screenshots to enemies and doxers, etc. its easily the most exclusive, hard to get into forum ive ever been a part of hahahahaha.

i think ive linked this before but i get a newsletter from them every friday and this showed up innit.

they say to KYS you lyng traitor niceguy betrayer abuser, waiting in the wings, ulterior motives, entitled, false pretenses, whole friendship was built on a scheming jooish manipulating lie, hahahahaha.

no, hahahaha, they say NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED, and to talk to the person about it. see i was RIGHT ahhaahahaha.

I WAS RIGHT. hahahaha. this is why you want a damn court of relship law. because you want to be proven RIGHT because you are being accused of being WRONG.

esp when right or wrong makes no difference in fixing the rel.

if you’re gonna be heartbroken REGARDLESS, you might as well be RIGHT.

truer, wiser words were never spoken.

heh. i hope sven does not think i am a jooish infiltrator who is scheming to gain his trust by making a dnation. if i were REALLY a good goy i’d give a HUGE dnation. well what if i were a rich J hellbent on destroying TRS, and then giving them a HUGE dnation in bad faith. jeez.

well he or one of his goons can email me if they want to vet me.

grace kelly had series of affairs with married men before she married prince ranier at age 26? DEGENERATE. Supposedly it caused her guilt with her catholic upbringing.

WELL IT OBVIOUSLY DIDNT CAUSE ENOUGH GUILT OR SHAME OR REGRET, OTHERWISE SHE WOULDNT HAVE DONE IT MORE THAN ONCE.

my point is, all those wholesome (((((((entertainment celebrities )))))))) of the 1950s were STILL degenerates, even the goys. when you think of the 50s as a Much Better Time. well in general yes it prob was, but not in ((((hollywood)))))

THERE ARE BETTER WAYS to figure out if you’d be “okay” with your friend secsually than having surprise secs with them and then avoiding talking about the complicated situation ever. how about you take some time, think about it deeply, talk to the person at length about it. not avoid them, then dart in, fook them, dart out, ocntinue avoiding, get his hopes up, then inevitably break his heart now that he’s totally all in, then you say nope sorry i fold. for decent women, the fooking means that they are going all in too. not that they are gonna fold immediaetly after. that is against the rules and should incur a fee. give me certificates for 100 moar fooks, and buy me an ounce of MJ at least. AND MOVE THE FOOK OUT OF MUH HOUSE. STOP BEING MY ROOMMATE. HOLY SHIT. SHE LIVES WITH THE GUY AS a platonic friend roomate and THIS is how shes handling it. and he says uhhhh maybe i’m a little too old (25) to not know how to deal with this. and THIS is how she, the same age, is handling it!!!!! what a dumb bitch!!!!!!

heh. i like that /relships now keeps scores hidden for a while. why did they not do this before. because all the WOMEN who read that, all they do is PILE ON, and this might mitigate that.

these bitches are so willing to fook but they wont communicate. just because you squirt sperm in their body and make a new life doesnt mean they’re letting down their wall enough to actually talk to you about Your Relationship and How You Feel About Each Other.

you shouldn’t let someone squirt sperm in you and possibly create a new human being unless you’re willing to talk about all that, ya dumb B!!!!

he needs to find a better woman to have feelings for. she doesnt deserve him.

this could possibly also be a top 5% post and go in the best of list.

communication has NEVER been easy, but secs should NEVER be easier than Communication. You Know Who made it this way!

so yeah that bothers me:::

if having SECS is easier than COMMUNICATING, then WHAT ELSE is easier than communicating?

cheating on you? murdering your baby? fooking blacks? having casual secs with more than 10 people? coldly shooting someone in the head who is begging you to spare their life? (thinking “millers crossing” if the john turturro char were not a sneaky traitor joo, and did not deserve to die. most underrated COHEN brothers movie ever.) god damn.

TRVMP said buzzfeed is a “PILE OF GARBAGE.” He is absolutely right. I did a FIST PUMP when he said that.

heh. slept VERY soundly last night. went to bed little late, like 1 am, slept soundly till like 830 am, thought I would just stay up, but fell back asleep SOUNDLY until like 10:30 am, and i never sleep past 10 at the LATEST. because then you look like a REALLY lazy neet loser. but i felt i could have slept another hour. then had day off today, and literally almost fell asleep around 3 pm. i couldnt keep my eyes open. then ate dinner and took a benedryl in anticipation of sleeping moar tonight. and here i am.

so varg says its best to build your home out of stone. he talks a lot of shit but one thing i do trust him on is living off the grid and how to do shit like around the house and car and farming and family and shit like that. but i dont trust what he says about christians and the alt right hahahaha.

anyway i agree, you want some LAND in the country, and to build a home that lasts 100 years. doesnt fall apart, stays warm in the winter, and i guess stone is good for all this. is brick stone? is a chicken a bird?

THE JUICE AINT WORTH THE SQUEEZE hahahaha gotta start using that one more often.

just getting ready for the day. 656 am. i could PROBABLY sleep in an extra 15 minutes. maybe i will eventually do that. but i like having this buffer of time to write a few sentences, check email, and, of course, go make explosive coffee water #2’s like i am about to do right now.

ok did that. i mean its really quick.

anyway yeah my main issue now, and i didnt really have this at the previous job because that job was so stressful and packed that we really never had a chance to talk about anything not job related, we were all just trying to survive day to day. but now that the pace is a little slower THANK GOD, i am pressuring myself to be more social and charismatic and normie.

i mean i will take this new problem ANY DAY over what I faced before. im not complaining haahahha. well i kind of am. but never forget, that in comparison, it is not even 1% as bad altogether. i get a 99% reduction in stress and panic and thats The End Of The Story.

spent like an hour responding to a Support Ticket today that in my previous job, would have been expected to knock out in 20, or better 10 minutes. it doesnt matter if you dont know the answer. find the answer and answer it within 10 minutes. I laboriously wrote an email like the sloth. included Too Much Information and Misinformation. and I probably didnt even need to do ANYTHING, because someone else would be in in the afternoon that knew a lot more about the topic. an SME. but i was determined to Do Something and Add Value and figure out how to use the ticket system better. So I took a shot at it and hopefully superiors say good for him to try this, rather than, oh shit what a stupid fookup, i wish we could fire him, but he’s in the union grrrrrr. he totally did this wrong. gave the person bad advice, poorly written, and used the program in more wrong ways than we could imagine hehehehe.

anyway i did ok i guess. give myself a little more crrrrredit hahaha. had a paltry two customers in today and tried to act like a nice normie to them. painfully awkward small talk. jeez. for a while, i used to be GOOD at this. at my previous job. after i talked to people ALL DARN DAY i got pretty good at small talk. wish the learning curve wasnt that rough. because i cant handle talking to people ALL DARN DAY….well, when its complicated complex shit. and what im doing now is nowhere near as complex. it can get complex, but there are SEVERAL SME’s with Masters Degrees just waiting to Yank the Case from me. Aint No Need to BEG like I did before!

the beotch in the comments is half good and half bad. she says that she is automatically suspicious of anyone who talks of a BEST friend who is opposite sexs,usu means you are in luv with them. i would tend to agree! i guess you can have normal acquaintance friends of the opposite secx, but once you upgrade them to BEST friends or really really really close top tier friends….you are at big risk of getting FEELINGS for them. because of the INTIMACY.

i dont HATE small talk. i totally understand the idea of and why small talk is important. i would like to be able to DO small talk! any stupid autist who says small talk is retarded…..well thats a very immature and stupid thing to say. small talk is the basis of everything. big talk. relationships. success. friends. luvers. showing that you have charisma and confidence and that you are a smart cool charming person and worth hanging out with. or you can faily miserably and show what a boring, awkward, desperate, pathetic omega neet virgin you are hahahahahaha. this is all accomplished on the battlefield of small talk. small talk is ridiculously important and big hahahaha. i totally get that.

so yeah i luv the idea of small talk. i hate trying to do it and failing at something so important.

well this job will def be another big step in getting over that woman. makes it more and more distant. but damn i wish i hadnt been so pathetic and stupid and Creepy. wish id been stronger and cooler and not so desperate and needy and clingy.

so apparently you cant just walk into a store and buy MJ in california nao.

i guess i could tell people that i am interested in Relships and read Relship Advice stories a lot. because I honestly DO! this is kinda weird but its prob my most normie interest. i mean, cant talk to people about WN1488, Alt Right, or Black Metal. talking about RELSHIPS sounds completely reasonable and normie next to all that. and I could work in some spin on how casual secs is degenerate and sinful and disgusting.

women can be awkward and it doesnt hurt them, they can still gets jobs and relships. men and women are probably about equally socially awkward, but theres DISPARATE IMPACT on the men.

anyway. re that woman. yeah now that i think about it, a series of long conversations probably wouldnt have done much good. what WOULD have done some good is me making a BRIEF statement EARLY, like: yep i’m starting to act weird and want to hang out all the time becuase i’m starting to get feelings for you. This is getting hard for me to deal with and I don’t mean to Ghost you, but just do me a solid and give me some time and space, because I dont think you feel the same way, and I need some space to get over my feelings for you. Sorry. Best Wishes in life. You are a good person and I don’t mean to dump you. But this is hard for me and it needs a lot of effort from me. Think of a time when you got feelings for a guy friend and he didn’t return them. It was challenging, wasn’t it. The end.”

even that’s a little too long. and then if she did have feelings, she could respond to that. hahahahaha. so yeah. clearly she thought i was the entitled nice guy and was dreading the dreadful conversation where i tried to BEG her to be with me and tell her why she was WRONG when she said she didnt want me. and she didnt want to put up with that.

i mean i was already BEGGING her to respond. why wouldnt i BEG her to reconsider or change her mind or pleeeeease luvvvvv me back. the torture of hours of me begging.

yeah well i didnt even get a chance. thats the point. maybe i would have been mature about it. but desperate luv compromises your maturity. shit.

but yeah. i coulda and SHOULD HAVE finished all this with one SHORT email in december 2014. rip the bandaid off. sorry babe but I like like you. i obv need to get over that because you dont return the feelings. so i have to take a break from this friendship. i dont want to leave you in the lurch so let me know if i can pay an early termination fee or something. reddit said this can hurt for the friend to get friend dumped, so tell me what i can do to make this easier for you. though i promise you its a LOT harder for ME hahahahahahaha because my heart is utterly broken now and I might fall off the wagon and start doing heron again and K myself hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

why would i even LOOK at tinder. its full of sluts who think casual sex is OK. fundamental incompatibility of Core Moral Values.

i want to meet women who think sluts are gross and being a slut is gross. i want to meet women who JUDGE sluts. negatively.

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE JUDGE SLUTS NEGATIVELY. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK SLUTTISHNESS IS OK. DAMN. WHY CANT MORE PEOPLE, ESP WOMEN, JUST THINK ITS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS.

and why are these damn sluts such successful ADULTS. good normie ADULTS. good at college, good at career, people dont think theyre WEIRD, they LEARN shit and UNDERSTAND shit and can EXPLAIN shit. really get deep into blooms taxonomy of learning hahahaha. learn something deeply. you dont learn something until you can teach it to someone else. those who can’t do, teach HAHAHAHAHAHA.

some people say, dont do a masters degree unless you’re passionate and absolutely sure about it. dont half ass it, or use it as a stopgap because you dont know what else to do, you will waste too much money for too little return.

i tend to like this school of thought.

but then there the other side, which is like, we all need to pay our dues and do things that are tough and expensive and struggle in the medium term of 4 years or so, so things pay off 5, 10 years later. the day comes where you put away your childish toys, put on your big boy pants, and accept that you have to go to work for a living, and spent 80% of your waking hours doing things you dont really WANT to do, that you arent really PASSIONATE about, so you might as well maximize this by doing something that will pay off in the long run.

well, i had enough trouble going to college in a state of welp, i dont know what to do, but i got good grades in high school and i’m expected to go to college. so just pay your dues, get the extremely expensive piece of paper, and then you’ll be set.

but that was all lies hahahaha. so now the goalposts are moved? and i should go into GRADUATE school with the same mindset?

yeah but its a lot different getting into grad school than getting into undergrad. i did great in high school and got into a good undergrad without really much effort or maturity or planning. i did completely average in undergrad and could not see myself getting into an above average grad school without totally busting my ass in a go-getting, gung-ho, high-energy way that i have NEVER been.

and it doesnt seem WORF IT to pay shitloads of money to go to an average or below-average grad program, just to treat it as College 2.0 for when College is the New High School and Grad School is the new College and i hate the whole scam system anyway!

but in life you gotta SUCK IT UP and DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!

and why dont NORMIES have such a god damn internal conflict about it? they just go ahead and work hard and GIT R DONE.

heh. i wish i had a Career Coach ever since I was 16, staying on my ass and saying you need to do this, you need to do that.

now some people, their families do that. the chinee high expectations father. you can become doctor or engineer. get your masters degree or youre out of the family. i didnt have that at all, i was SPOILED.

cuz i didnt WANT to do anything. i needed to be trained with the carrot and the stick. left to my own devices in College, i totally went astray. a strong guiding hand, a foot being put down, that prob would have helped me in the long run. classic first world problems of being first in the fam to go to college hehehe. and of course i didnt appreciate that privilege at all. damn.

if i had to go to college, should have gone to local uni and stayed at home so the fam could have kept me in line, from doing stupid shit like MJ and alcohol.

but i still did MJ and alcohol when i was at home! i just hid it really well. i either would have gotten a DUI much earlier (which prob would have been GOOD), and probably did a bit less MJ, which DEF would have been good. definitely would have seen less of those crazy women doing crazy shit, which would have been good.

i dunno. alternate realities and what ifs and all that. i mean i still went crazy over women when being at home.

but yeah. ive never liked SCHOOL, and ive never liked WORK, and doing EITHER is PULLING TEETH.

See those normies? GOALS.

Goals are important. Goals are A Thing. See what happens when you have goals? You should have goals. Get Goals. Goals. Just Achieve Them.

all of education is fooked up. from grade school to grad school. serious fundamental problems with ALL of it.

heh. there should be homeschool grad school.

but you dont NEED grad school!!!!

well grad school is just perfect for some people! they are total grad school nerds! they clearly belong there!

i couldnt see myself getting in just because i couldnt see myself getting convincing recommendations and statement of intent. uhhh i want to get into grad school because i cant get a 26k FT job with a bachelors degree, so i’m really just treating this as high school 3.0. i fookin hate school but this is the bare minimum for being lower middle class in 2000s.

I would MUCH RATHER Just Work A Job. An Entry Level, 25k a year job, than go to god damn grad school. not that i have a good shot at getting into grad school ANYWAY! I have a better chance at getting the 25k a year job! and weve seen how fooking ridiculously godforsakenly hard THAT is! maybe it IS easier getting into a masters degree at a shitty noname school! MBA at phoenix!

yeah but i dont WANT to do an MBA, i would rather do a masters in relationship and despair counseling. which is an inherently useless degree! catch 22 here. quite the dilemma. and i dont want to be a social worker working with welfare blacks for a contractor with the city of oakland or the city of ferguson or something.

although its funny. today one of my “customers” was a black guy with an mba and I tried to make small talk with him. he was much better at it than me, but i am at least trying to be nice folks, i swear. but i cant talk about sports or anything. i cant tell this black guy that i am a trump supporting hwyte nationalist racist hahahaha. i nervously mentioned my interest in “news and current events”, which is FAIR…..BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE TAKE THAT BAIT and try to get you talking about TRVMP??????

well shit, this guy could actually BE a trump supporter, he seems to be a rather moderate, conservative, white acting, oreo black. almost like he is now overcompensating to not talk like a black, he is very well spoken, great speaking voice. he even made jokes about the HR diversity sensitivity training we had to do about trannies and shit hahahahahaha. i laughed and said yeah I hear ya man. well we didnt talk specifically about trannies. or have a frank conversation on race hahahahahaha.

see i dont hate blacks hahahaha. i just had an awkward conversation with a grad school educated black man hahahaha.

also all these people have experience giving lectures and discussions in front of groups of people. they have done that hundreds of times. there is no possible argument that this is not a GREAT life skill.

i would be dropping the spaghetti all over the place. oh now im the TEACHER and my STUDENTS are gonna think im an IDIOT. i never wanted to be a teacher but now i want to be a teacher even LESS, hahahahaha.

shit i can barely be a STUDENT. I can barely be a 13k a year EMPLOYEE. I cant even be a bare minimum ADULT. hahahahaha. I fooked up on easy mode, cant even deal with NORMIE MODE, hahahahaha.

funny all this goddamn self doubt even though now i am damn WORKING and that is an INFINITE improvement over where i was 2 months ago. why not just be happy about that.

went all in with AA, guy beat me with full house. sheeeeeeit.

heh. wonder what that woman is doing with her life right now. i know she got a job similar to what we were doing. probably making similar or more money, maybe higher up, def lots of hours, def lot more money than me, def making literally TWICE the money I am making. well shell have plenty of money to spend on her black bastard then hahahahahahahahahahahaha wawawawawawawawawawawa im so sad and lonely and want her back and will never get over her, muh perfect waifu hhahahahaha.

yeah i am playing things up a bit. but for a long time thats how bad it was. bad shit. wouldnt wish on worst enemy.

i guess its worse when i am working alongside 20 year old kids and they are all going to college, yup working on muh engin degree or nursing degree or HR degree, and then they graduate and get a 28k a year job, while you remain at the kid student job. at least here i dont have any young kids beside me being a constant reminder of what an old failure i am hahahahahahaha.