I'm so far off from so many things in my life. I'm so far off from being where I want to be. I'm so far off from being who I want to be. I'm so far off from having my shit together, emotionally, physically, financially, and artistically. I'm so far off from finding the love of my life. I'm so far off from feeling mature enough to take care of children. I'm so far off from feeling mature enough to take care of myself. I'm so far off from liking who I am. I'm so far off from liking who's around me. And what scares me most about all of these things, is not how far away they are, but how close they really might be.

I feel very similar to you. I have so many personal goals as well as financial necessities to achieve, and even a successful career, but it feels as if I am no where to close to any of those things. But a lot of times for my self, I do see myself to blame for not getting anywhere in one of these paths. I know society at times may be set up for hard ships, but I think if I truly desire it and work towards it, I should be able to break out.

And don't take my statements as comments on your own feelings of being far off. This is just how I've felt about my own short-comings.

very personal journal indeed. sounds like you've hit a dead end but you're too scared to turn around. I always look at these things as having nothing too lose. On the one hand right now you feel pain because of said above however if you do turn from the dead end you'll see that you'll find yourself in either the same pain or the no pain so really you've lost nothing by trying to help yourself. But like you said the only thing is that its kinda scary to see our own liberation but its not really scary once we living in it. We just gotta make the choice for ourselves first. And then theres the whole I don't know what to do even if i make my choice to change. Troublesome and simple it is.Good luck my friend

Remember it's not just you who is looking for love. Love is looking for you as well. Just recognize it in the things you do and it will make itself more apparent to you. My friend also has something to say because he can relate since he also wishes his shit was together. Oh and stop watching my mom. My father can be an evil man and I'm sure you wouldn't want him finding out. How about you just go eat you your own mom instead. deviantART muro drawing