Truth be told I am nervous about the colour. Last time I coloured my hair I had an allergic reaction and was covered from head to toe in hives for weeks (hence my last short hair cut). So the colour will probably not happen before the wedding. I was more surprised by the demand to not do anything, for the sake of photos (yes this was said).I was also thinking that if I got it done now the purple probably would have faded in the 8 weeks, and since I'd be due for a touch up I could go back to a more natural colour for the wedding.

I could see wanting them all to have an updo but letting the decision as to what kind of updo (bun, twist, etc) be left to the bridesmaid. But a specific hairstyle could lead to trouble, especially if you get a bridesmaid with hair too short, or hair that doesn't want to go a certain way.

I was in a wedding once where the bride said she wanted us to have an updo but left it up to us and the stylist as to what kind of an updo. I asked for something resembling Audrey Hepburn's hair in Breakfast At Tiffany's.

My first time as a bridesmaid I had a hairstyle I despised because my mother had talked me into a very short 'do about 8 months before the wedding and once my aunt asked me to be a bridesmaid my mother said "you can't grow it out now, it will look bad for the wedding photos" so I had to wait till after the wedding to start growing it out. People told me I looked cute with the hairdo but I just didn't like it.

I admit, I always did wonder if my mother knew her baby sis would be getting married and would be asking me to be a bridesmaid. I hated that hairstyle as soon as I got it but she kept putting me off on letting me grow it out and then had a very convenient reason to forbid it for a while. Sure it was stylish in the early 90's on women 30 and up but not amongst middle school girls.

Course that aunt divorced less than a year later so neither of us are too inclined to be looking at those photos anymore.

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Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Truth be told I am nervous about the colour. Last time I coloured my hair I had an allergic reaction and was covered from head to toe in hives for weeks (hence my last short hair cut). So the colour will probably not happen before the wedding. I was more surprised by the demand to not do anything, for the sake of photos (yes this was said).I was also thinking that if I got it done now the purple probably would have faded in the 8 weeks, and since I'd be due for a touch up I could go back to a more natural colour for the wedding.

Have the stylist do an allergy test first. If she/he refused, demand one; if she/he continues to falter, go somewhere else.

I like your plan, but check with the stylist first that it's possible. I couldn't dye over my faded colors due to the type of dye I used; nothing would hold over it and I would have to bleach it again first. Then I'd have to wait a few weeks again before starting another color.

I'm with the idea of cut now and color later if only because you really don't want to risk it turning out contrary to expectation. It would be disastrous to have the colour bleed all over your clothes or skin at the wedding or reception.

Having said that I truly don't understand the whole dictate of all bridesmaids having to wear the same hairstyle.

Re "hairstyle" - the only time I've seen a reference on this board is when Bride requires all her BMs to have long hair, long enough that it can be swept up in an up-do.

For me - if I was a prospective BM it would be a deal-breaker. I look absolutely terrible in long hair - it's very fine and just sort of hangs in clumps once it gets between chin-length and shoulder length. If any Bride had invited me to be a BM but required this - my answer would be No. I would not be willing to spend the better part of a year looking terrible just in order to satisfy her on Big Day.

How is the OP going feel remembering the wedding ( and possibly seeing the pictures) if what she recalls is " I could not even get a hair cut because of that wedding" ?

I'm the one who brought up the pictures.

The bride's pictures of her OWN wedding are WAY more meaningful to her than a bridesmaid's copy of a couple of pictures from someone ELSE's wedding.

The bride is the one who will live with the pictures, and the memory for far longer, because the day is more meaningful to her.

The OP's body is way more meaningful to her than someone's pictures if their wedding. The Op will have to live with her body and the memory far longer because her body is more meaningful to her.

Really there is little that would be more personal than one's body and control over it. If the bride does not like looking at the OP's hair in her pictures, she can have the OP photoshopped out. The OP does not have that option for her own body.

This strikes me as a bit melodramatic - sister isn't asking her to get plastic surgery or lose 50 pounds. OP can have purple hair and take a thousand pictures of it any other day of her life. And sister did wear what OP wanted (through compromise) at her wedding. Sister's willing to compromise on the hair here, as per the OP's report of their conversation. OP had her day and it would be kind of her to support her sister to have hers.

I can't think of a wedding I have been to where the hairstyles were not on some level dictated by the bride. I'm sure that some people do it that way, but that's not my experience.

Honestly, if this wedding is too much money and OP doesn't want to comply with the (again, in my opinion, very reasonable) requests, she should bow out.

Actually - it's just a paraphrase of the post I quoted. If it's melodramatic, then so would the other perspective.

But the bride I willing to compromise. It sounds like she's not thrilled but ok with the cut, and just really doesn't want the purple color. Being willing to compromise pretty much is the opposite of "demanding" anything.

And if the bride is upset a bit - which we don't even know to be the case - maybe its because her older sister put up such a fight about getting ready together and now is saying she'll have purple hair. The bride has other things to worry about and I probably frustrated with her sister repeatedly being combative of plans.

Honestly, it's really, really common here for bridesmaids to be very matchy. Matching hairstyles are extremely common. Having your hair done all together is extremely common. It's an unusual wedding that doesn't have a matching bridal party. Truly, I would have been to 15 weddings in the last 8 or so years, and one had bridesmaids with different hairstyles

OP - I'd be really annoyed about you changing your hair so dramatically just before my wedding. It really would ruin the pictures, because as Toots has said, the purple hair will stand out. And if you hate it, and never have it done again, it means that for two months, right at the time of my wedding, when I'd like a matching bridal party, as has traditionally been the case here, you've gone out and got a really different look for only that time period. It's just not cool.

But the bride I willing to compromise. It sounds like she's not thrilled but ok with the cut, and just really doesn't want the purple color. Being willing to compromise pretty much is the opposite of "demanding" anything.

It's not the bride's privilege to offer a compromise. It's not her hair. The bride doesn't get to decide the colour or cut of a guest's hair. Deciding only one of the two is not doing the guest a favour -- it's still making a demand that she has no right to make.

The purple may not fade, I had some put in my bangs in April and I just lightened it out 4 days ago. It was still very purple. It really depends on the hair. I do think that after 8 weeks the colour will be showing a lot of roots though.

In my point of view a cut now sounds like a good idea. You'll save some money by getting it cut first as well, since most styliest colour first then cut. By getting it cut now you'll be using less colour and it will cost way less.

Off topic warning: I have used Splat semi before, it is very permanent even though it says its not. It also does not lighten out properly. Our receptionist used the blue Splat and it stayed in for 3 months, we tried to lighten it and it went pink. My sister used the purple Splat, it had to be cut out. She one did it once and it was a year later. Again it lightened to pink, and it also wouldn't hold colour over top.

But the bride I willing to compromise. It sounds like she's not thrilled but ok with the cut, and just really doesn't want the purple color. Being willing to compromise pretty much is the opposite of "demanding" anything.

It's not the bride's privilege to offer a compromise. It's not her hair. The bride doesn't get to decide the colour or cut of a guest's hair. Deciding only one of the two is not doing the guest a favour -- it's still making a demand that she has no right to make.

As cake eater says, it's totally normal here to match. This is not an out of the ordinary request, and if this was a deal breaker going in, then perhaps the op shouldn't have agreed to participate. The op is not a guest, she's in the bridal party and she would have known beforehand. And, just as a point of order the bride had not demanded anything. In fact she has said in both cases do what you want, but has expressed a wish for her to hold off for a bit specifically with regards to the colour, but even then has said go ahead if you want to.

But the bride I willing to compromise. It sounds like she's not thrilled but ok with the cut, and just really doesn't want the purple color. Being willing to compromise pretty much is the opposite of "demanding" anything.

It's not the bride's privilege to offer a compromise. It's not her hair. The bride doesn't get to decide the colour or cut of a guest's hair. Deciding only one of the two is not doing the guest a favour -- it's still making a demand that she has no right to make.

As cake eater says, it's totally normal here to match. This is not an out of the ordinary request, and if this was a deal breaker going in, then perhaps the op shouldn't have agreed to participate. The op is not a guest, she's in the bridal party and she would have known beforehand. And, just as a point of order the bride had not demanded anything. In fact she has said in both cases do what you want, but has expressed a wish for her to hold off for a bit specifically with regards to the colour, but even then has said go ahead if you want to.

I don't know, perhaps it's a regional thing.

I'm not sure what you mean by matching. It's not just the dresses, but also hair length and hair colour that are supposed to match?