Book of The Shrub - Chapters 22 - 25: The Prophecies

Chapter 22: Prophecy of Barsook

Beware the second coming of the Shrub, all you unclean worshipers of the shirt. For it is said that on that day the Shrub shall grow in righteous fury and pierce the hearts of the unclean with the glorious thorns of divine retribution! Repent your cloth wearing ways and follow the one true Shrub before your souls are damned forever into the compost pit of utter damnation! The righteous await your return!

Chapter 23: The Book of Seiryuu

Do you forget the words from the ether? "The shirt wearer shall pass before the burning bush in the desert, shedding its holy luminance upon the sacred shirt. Fear not! For the floating shrub shall rise from the collected ashes like a fiery phoenix, for the shirt wearer shall sample its divine DNA and its children shall spring forth into the world and form the new Garden of Paradise."

Chapter 24: Book of Moros

"Before there was SWG, there were the fans. Before the fans there were the mods; before the mods were the Devs, and before the Devs was George Lucas.

"In the beginning Lucas created Star Wars. Then he rested for twenty years. Then... he made some more Star Wars and decided that the MMO market was too big to ignore, so he decided to grab a piece. In those days Lucas created first the mighty Devs, clever and cunning in all ways of Game Development. The Devs called upon their master Lucas, and with his aid created the mighty Mods, beings of vast power who could destroy threads and ban accounts at will. Thus were born the SWG boards.

"The Mods, being reclusive, remained inside out of the sunlight, and thus began to grow cold and pale. Soon because of their reclusive nature the color of their skin began to change. First it faded to the palest white, and then it began to turn blue, as can be seen to this day.

"The Devs on the other hand were cruel masters of all other folk, releasing only the information that they wished, and tormenting the weak creatures called the fans with promises of a video. Many noobs met their deaths at the hands of the Devs in the early years, and thus did the Devs begin to be stained with blood.

"Soon the Mods began to realize their power, and they rose up and resisted the Devs, and the whole Boards stood in awe of the mighty conflict that ensued. Sometimes the conflict was heard as from far off, like thunder in the distance; at other times it raged through the very threads of our existence, tearing the world apart. In the end the Hand of Mod prevailed, and placated the Devs' thirst for blood. But as a warning to all they decreed that the Devs would forevermore be stained red with the innocent blood of thousands of noobs."

And that, you see, is why we have to keep on attacking the noobs that show up; the Devs keep running out of noob blood.

Chapter 25: Godly Power

The manifestation of all that is good and holy. Who's divine foliage gives life to all that lives, who has evolved past the material and into the divine, as shown by its ascension into space, forswearing the roots that bound it to the material. SHRUB is that from which all flows, and, some theologians theorize, the very source of The Force itself... It was from the SHRUB that the Force Sensitive Sheep did feed, imbuing the lowly farm animal with the Force, and allowing it to produce the wool from which Shirt_576 was made.

Lost Scriptures

And lo, he shall be known by the lightness of his being and the ascendancy of his form. His approach shall be humble, but thunderous joy shall follow Him wherever he goes. In his presence both elitists and noobs shall love each other. Embraced by his glow, communities come together. Tho scorn and derision are heaped upon you, take not your eyes from His divine prize. No one knows the day, hour or color of his arrival. The faithful will know. The faithful will ascend. Thanks be to the Shrub.