Sunday, December 18, 2011

Domestic Bitch Weekend- Kitchen Madness.

It was a banner week and weekend in my kitchen full of firsts.. and some wins? I will tell you that I have washed my hands enough in the last two days from multiple loads of dishes to conclude two things:

1. I need to not wear my wedding ring while washing dishes- it only irritates my allergy to metals, including gold.

2. I need a mother fucking dishwasher.

Anyways. Let's talk about the things I made:

First up, let's talk meatloaf. I am a complete meatloaf failure. In the ten years I've been with Matt, I have NEVER been able to successfully make an edible meatloaf. I have tried every recipe, I have tried using different pans, broiler pan thingies, different oven temperatures, once in a crockpot, I have used multiple methods of making it. It has never worked. Once time on a cookie sheet it flattened out and was rock hard. One time the entire outside was burned but the inside was raw. One time we had an unfortunate incident of grease over flow. I knew when Matt told me to stop trying because no cow should have to die for that, I had to give up.

Until last week I saw a recipe for a cheeseburger meatloaf and I got to feeling like, GOD DAMMIT, I want some fucking meatloaf. So I gathered my ingredients and some moral support:

Got it together in what looked like a loaf shape:

And baked it. I failed to take an after picture but I will tell you I didn't like it. It was edible- Matt said it was really good even though he had his coat and shoes on ready to go get us a pizza in case I failed yet again. But I realized I kind of hate bread or stuffing in it? I'm not a fan of stuffing anyways and moist bread feels like poo in my mouth. Truly. So blech. The other problem? It wasn't slice-able. Meaning, when we tried to slice it, it kind of just fell apart, so basically we ate ground beef with flavor? I don't know. I feel like meatloaf isn't meant for me. The best part of this though? Was a comment made on my Facebook wall about my attempt:

"I find it hilarious (in a cruel, ironic way) that meatloaf is your kriptonite. You are the biggest over achiever, good at everything to do with keeping a home and you can't nail a meatloaf. The world is a strange place."

And that is the story of my life. *sigh* Meatloaf- 1, Sara-0.

In other more uplifting news.... I played with yeast yesterday. You know, the kind you don't need a prescription for? I made dinner rolls from scratch, involving yeast and careful instructions. I had to actually knead and punch dough, folks. They were supposed to be a knock off version of the rolls you get at Texas Roadhouse (and seriously, Amy? I just remembered that you haven't been there and I'm telling you now that's where we go next time!). The rolls didn't taste like the amazing buttered awesomeness that is the Texas Roadhouse rolls, but they were really good anyways. Did I mention I used yeast for the first time ever? It was kind of awesome. Even though I grossly underestimated how much yeast will grow and obviously used the smallest bowl possible like the idiot I am.

After that, I had to take a bit of a break from cooking because I was kind of stressed out about it. So I decided I was going to make a box. Because it's quick and easy. I will also tell you that you should evaluate the usefulness of fast food containers. Dairy Queen and Wendy's have these AWESOME boxes that make super templates for things. But of course you can always use fry boxes, too. OR Pringles cans. But more on those another day. Back to my cheese curd box.

Open up your container and trace it onto a piece of cardstock. (Notice how my ring finger is all red and gross. YAY for gold allergies. *sigh*) Use a piece of cardstock that is going to be heavy enough to hold what you are going to put into it.

Once you do that, cut it out and fold your pieces:

MAKE SURE to put adhesive on the right sides of your folds. I always fuck up one before I think about it.

I also put a piece of packing tape (clear) over where my sides are because I don't want it to fall apart.

Then just make it pretty. These ended up working really well with some treats I made.

You probably want to know what treats I made? ﻿I ended up making my chocolate truffles and then some home made peanut butter cups. I might share that recipe later this week if people want me to? LET ME KNOW.

I also tried making sugar cookies from scratch because again, I have this thing where I kind of suck at making things from scratch? Especially sugar cookies and cakes. No matter what I do, you can still taste flour? I don't know. I do know that nothing is worth the swears my kids heard, so I will vag up and tell you that the from scratch cookies tasted like dry ass. Gross. So I bought two tubes of cookies and called it good.

But I wasn't going down like a total failure- I conquered royal icing. AND I even made color flow cookie icing. I watched a few tutorials online on how to decorate cookies like a pro. I didn't pick up much because this is what mine looked like:

My trees don't really look tree shape? How do you get your cutout cookies to retain their shape? I used really cold and firm dough, I even put them into the fridge for five minutes to get cold again before I put them into the oven. What the fuck am I doing wrong?? Nonetheless, I used my sprinkles Amy gave me which seemed easier than messing with any more icing- I figured my green batch maybe was a fluke but we were counting it as a win.

Oh, and I made caramel corn and some chocolate cupcakes. Which are still in progress and those will definitely make an appearance this week.

10 comments:

I find it hilarious you need Edward for moral support (ps-my iPad changed moral to oral as in oral support. Wtf lol) but sometime you come to my place, we'll make meatloaf & cookies :) mine turn out pretty good :)

Amen about the dishwasher. I am tired of scrubbing dishes multiple times a day by hand.

Let me say that this post was fanfreakingtastic! i have been a domestic bitch today too. I made chicken stock from scratch, then chicken and rice, chocolate chip cookies,and I made a couple ornaments! I still think you win though.Meatloaf sucks balls. I hate the taste of it. The hubs loves it and I refuse to make it b/c I just think it's gross.

but i think maybe your oven might be hotter than you think, or isn't heating evenly. i have that problem w/my oven and have to cook things accordingly.

Amen on the dishwasher. Mine has been broken for about 5 months. At first I was all like, we don't need it fixed right away, I mean why do we need a dishwasher anyways? We used to wash dishes by hand, why can't I do it now? Well, I'll tell you why. Because somehow two people use five million fucking dishes every week and washing them all is getting a little irritating!!! Seriously though. How do we use so many dishes?

Your cookies looked good. I mean, on the ones I tried, my bear looked like he had broken arms and legs! I have no idea how people make sugar cookies with cookie cutters. No idea. I cannot do it to save my life.

And this post totally just reminded me of this super delicious turkey meatloaf I used to make. Before I became a vegetarian. Now I'm going to have to figure out how to make something that will get rid of the craving I am now having!!

Ah...yes. Your famous truffles. Hunter has been after me to make them and I just found the recipe. So.....you will be forever thought of in our house. After reading your post, I now feel guilty for not baking and cooking in quite awhile. Perhaps you've inspired me.

Most homemade Christmas cookies taste floury to me.I'd agree with the oven temp not heating quite right. The dough is spreading out too much before the cookie cooks and sets. Some things bake better higher or lower in the oven. Or you may need to try adjusting the temp you bake with and see what works. You could buy an oven thermometer too.I love homemade bread and buns. I made some yesterday too. So many people are scared to try baking with yeast. Good for you!

Great box idea. I think your cookies look great. I had over-achieving ideas of making cookies with royal icing and flood icing but I was too scared to actually do it. I bought some stuff for it so maybe I'll try for Valentine's Day.

I like to read, yall.

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