Get Out There, Me!

Thursday, 14 February 2008

00:59

I feel like my life is passing me by right now. There’s so much I want to do, but I just don’t seem to have the drive to do it. I’ve had texts off a few friends recently and I’ve just not replied at all. I can’t really understand why. I guess it’s because I know that nothing will come from it really. I can’t meet up with them for god knows how long. The way things have fallen at work is that I don’t have a day off for nine more days. Ok I bet there’s people out there that are saying “Peeh, Nine days?! Try doing 30!” I guess I should be thankful I have a job at all, and that’s a lot money coming my way. I will be missing one of my friends birthdays and countless other meeting up times. I thought these new hours would be better for me, but I think I preferred it with longer days and only 4 days a week. This feels a lot more demanding.

Oh hey, would you look at that, it’s Valentine’s Day. Whether this is an over-commercialised Saint Day, or whether I’m just being cynical again, this is still a terrible day if you’re single. I guess I shouldn’t let it get to me. Looking back on last years entry, I was feeling pretty much the same thing. Loneliness, life is passing me by, all that palaver. I wish I just knew what it is that’s stopping me getting out there and doing things like most 20 year olds would. Am I lacking self confidence, or am I using that as an excuse? I wish there was just a switch on the side of me that I could turn to ‘Get Out There, Ya Fool!’. Currently it’s on ‘Stay Inside, Eat A Sweet, Write About How Bad Your Life Is On An Online Diary That Is Losing Quality At The Same Rate This Sentence Is Growing’. It would have to in be small writing.

I apparently can’t even be bothered to write any more either. Gotta snap out of this soon.

4 Responses to “Get Out There, Me!”

It’s funny one has those feelings at 20 and also when you are some years older than that (in my case 13, to be exact…). I have always preferred to see that as a gift instead of as a curse, though. My guess is that being socially tuned in a different pitch and thus not doing “things like most 20 year olds would” will likely allow you to have a take on the world and life which will be more interesting than what the ordinary 20something would have.

Of course I go through periods during which I socialize a lot, and I admit that sometimes I do it just to reassure myself that I’m capable of that should I want it, or, in other words, that being a bit retiring is an option and expression of my tastes instead of a social disability. In the end, however, I know what I like, and also know that my friends (the steady ones, with which I share deep and strong friendships that matter) love me whether I go to the pub with them or whether I stay at home busied with my own things..

Cheer up and keep the good work in your blog, which is rather inspiring. I discovered it recently but it doesn’t look like it’s losing quality; it is just getting more intimate but it keeps being as interesting as usual 🙂

HI Ella
Really personal blog…I have had so much insight (and empathy) into your world reading it. And you write so well – a very easy, conversational style.

You have some very interesting things to say, and well thought-out as well. It’s not glib or facile, but straight from the heart.

@Louise: she doesn’t know what she is talking about. Unfortunately, when you are starting out in life (and I’m not talking specifically about your situation) you really do need parental support . Otherwise, day-to -day life DOES become so much more difficult. (Speaking from experience!)

You sound FAR too intelligent to be working in your role at M&S. Why don’t you return to studying…even if it’s not Uni (which is abig commitment), but something shorter…like a semester course (maybe IT) at a local college. It’s not that expensive, and I’m sure you could combine it with M&S. Explore the flexitime courses…you really do owe it to your future self

Microsoft is launching their Visual Studio 2008 now, and that might be a good thing to start with now…lots of free training. Also MS Expression (answer to Dreamweaver)

Think about it: the more money you can earn, the more independent you are, and maybe your parental units will feel better.