Weirdest moments in Legend of Zelda's history

Nintendo is a pretty weird company. They truly march to the beat of their own drum, making weird decisions, releasing weird consoles, and developing weird games. Arguably the weirdest of Nintendo's most famous properties is The Legend of Zelda, a series that, throughout the decades, has treated us to some super-trippy moments:

Cuccos roll squad deep

It's a well-known fact that chickens in the Zelda universe don't take anybody's s***. Especially Link's. Cuccos, as they're known in Zelda terms, are seemingly harmless little pieces of poultry — that is, until you give one of 'em a good smack. And then another one. And another one. And another. Another one. (What's wrong with you, anyways, you sick, twisted Hylian?)

Give a cucco one smack too many and you're in for it. Cuccos look out for their own in this tough world of Hyrule — and if you mess with one of them, you mess with all of them. You might feel tough, throwing around that Master Sword with clout — but when a crew of cuccos rolls up on you squad-deep, you best duck on out of there! We honestly feel this is righteous revenge. If you abuse a chicken, you deserve to get mobbed.

The Great Fairy is a super freak

Rick James references aside, Ocarina of Time's Great Fairy — as well as her sisters in Majora's Mask — are really something else. When one thinks of a fairy, the mind typically conjures up images of delicate little winged ladies — like Tinkerbell. The Great Fairies in the N64 Zelda games are definitely not Tinkerbell. No, they're more hyper-sexualized, scantily-clad party queens with wild, triple pony-tails and loads of makeup caked on.

They look like they can really get down on the dance floor — but we're not really sure if we want to get down on the dance floor with them.

Something named "???" lives in a toilet

Fans of the Legend of Zelda series know all too well that one must look before one poops.

"???" is a recurring character who unpleasantly pops up in three Zelda games. Seriously — its hand literally pops up from a toilet. We're first introduced to this stinky hand in Majora's Mask, in a Stock Pot Inn toilet in the game's hub town of Clock Town. He — let's just assume it's a "he," shall we — makes his smelly presence known between midnight and 6am, asking for … paper. (What else?) If the player gives him an item made of paper, such as the Title Deeds, Letter to Kafei, or Special Delivery to Mama, they're rewarded with a piece of heart. Good deal! (Just make sure to wash it first.)

Our stinky hand-friend pops up again in the Game Boy Color title Oracle of Ages. This time, ??? asks for — you guessed it — paper. Sparing a square (of Stationary) rewards the player with the appropriately named "Stink Bag." We sympathize with Link for having to carry around — well — a bag of stink, at least until the next trade.

The last time we see ??? — at least, for now — is in Skyward Sword. Found in a Knight Academy toilet, it asks for … *sigh* … paper. If Link hooks the hand up with Cawlin's letter, the player is rewarded with five — count 'em, five — Gratitude Crystals. (That's one thankful toilet dweller!) After this exchange, the yucky extremity can be found caressing Cawlin's head while he sleeps. Hopefully Cawlin uses anti-fungal shampoo.

Getting groped by Wallmasters

Keep your filthy, disembodied hands off us!

Wallmasters are recurring enemies, crawling around dark spaces and hanging from ceilings in many Zelda titles — from The Legend of Zelda, to Majora's Mask, to Tri Force Heroes. Regardless of where you find these creepers, it's never a pleasant encounter. If one of these molesting hands successfully cops a feel, Link is transported back to the beginning of whichever dungeon or room he finds himself in. Thus, not only are they totally weird and creepy, but they're also a major pain in the tunic.

Seriously, what could be worse than getting groped and carried away by a giant creeper-hand? We recommend you avoid them at all costs, just like your drunk roommate's friend who just can't seem to keep his hands to himself.

Getting dry-humped by ReDeads

Some things in Zelda go beyond "weird," and skedaddle right into the realm of "scary." Like the ReDeads, probably the scariest enemies in the Zelda universe. Essentially, they're emaciated zombies who stick to Hidden Holes and dungeons. What makes these monsters truly what nightmares are made of is how they can paralyze the player by their gaze and blood-curdling scream — which would be right at home any Resident Evil game. (Seriously, you don't want to hear a ReDead's scream at night, with all your lights turned off. It's bad enough in the daytime.)

Once Link is frozen, a ReDead can get to work by latching onto his back and … humping away his life essence. (Okay, it might not technically be dry-humping — but what else would you call it?) We really wish ReDeads would drop the prefix and just simply remain — well — dead!

Tingle. Enough said

Tingle is a 35-year-old male who wears a green spandex bodysuit and is obsessed with forest fairies. Do we really need to say more?

Everything about Tingle just oozes weird. (We promise never to use "Tingle" and "oozes" in the same sentence again.) He floats through the air on a special balloon. He is firmly approaching middle-age, yet acts like a child. He loves maps (not that there's anything wrong with that). He is strange with a capital "S," and flamboyant with a capital "F."

Like that guy who always shows up to the party — even though everyone swears they didn't invite him — Tingle always seems to make an appearance. He's been in Majora's Mask, Oracle of Ages, The Wind Waker, Four Swords Adventures, The Minish Cap, Phantom Hourglass, Spirit Tracks and Skyward Sword. It's as if Link can't go anywhere without Tingle showing up. He's as hard to shake as a bad rash — and just as annoying, too.

Yeta goes full Exorcist

Yeta, wife of Yeto, is an argyled Yeti who prefers to keep her arms underneath her sweater (or pullover, if you lost the American War for Independence). Normally a decently pleasant Yeti in Skyward Sword, Yeta goes from zero to "WTF" real quick.

You see, Yeta has this rather … strange obsession with a Mirror Shard. When Link accompanies her into the bedroom (calm down, calm down), Yeta walks over to the mirror and starts gazing into it like a real narcissist. This … probably should've been our first clue that things were about to get weird. Then the music-box music starts playing, which probably should've been our second clue that things were about to get weird. Then she starts saying "Pretty … Uh … So pretty…" — which probably should've been … yeah, you get it by now.

Then we actually start to hear her tweak out, via some audible and uncomfortable "uhhh, uhhh" noises, while her head starts to twitch. Then — despite all the trigger warnings — we're still totally surprised (and freaked out) when Yeta's head spins completely around, Exorcist-style, revealing a transformed vampire face underneath a demonic scream. She still haunts our dreams all these years later.

It's all over for the unknown soldier

While many weird individuals are recurring characters in the Zelda universe, some are only met once — and for just a moment. The unofficially-titled Soldier in the Back Alley is one such character.

We only ever meet this poor soldier once — right before entering Ocarina of Time's appropriately-named Temple of Time — in Hyrule Castle Town's Back Alley. If the player chooses to speak to him, he imparts upon young Link information regarding Ganondorf's now-well-documented betrayal of the Royal Family of Hyrule. After recognizing Link as a "forest boy," the soldier draws his last breath. (Cue The Doors' "Unknown Soldier.")

This moment in the Zelda history is particularly weird in its grimness — made only more grim when Navi tells Link: "He's not moving anymore." To be fair, Link was still a child at the time, and death is hard for children to grasp.

Voyage of the Twilight Beagle

The Oocca are an ancient race we first encounter in Twilight Princess. They're basically just birds with alien heads and humanoid faces — making us feel something like a Hyrulian Charles Darwin first encountering uncanny aboriginal people. Except the Oocca aren't primitive at all — they're highly advanced birds who built a city in the sky, a rod which can bring inanimate objects to life, and a cannon that can blast people to and from the heavens. They are reported to be the race closest to the gods (literally and figuratively). All things considered, they seem to know a lot of things Hylians (and us humans) don't.

Regardless of how smart they are, Oocca still have alien heads and human bodies, and are birds. That makes us feel more than a bit uncomfortable.

The name's Link. Link Link

You wanna know something weird? Mario isn't the only Nintendo character with the same last name as first name. (Yes, his name is apparently Mario Mario.) Link's last name is also Link. Well, at least according to legendary game developer Shigeru Miyamoto, in a rapid-fire interview with Game Informer. "Link Link." Just let that sit in, for a moment.

First Mario Mario. Now Link Link. Who's next in this madness? Kirby Kirby and King Dedede Dedede? Luigi Luigi and Toad Toad? At least we know Samus has a last name. (It's Aran — in case you didn't know.) Someone at Nintendo has got to put a stop to this naming foolishness before we get Donkey Kong Kong!

Everything about the CD-i games

Perhaps the weirdest thing in the history of Zelda is the pair of action-adventure games released on the Philips CD-i, titled Link: The Faces of Evil and Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon.

The oddest aspects of these titles — aside from them being made for the Philips CD-i, which is weird enough in and of itself — is the voice acting and animation, both of which are jarring. There is something upsetting, if not downright disturbing, about viewing familiar Zelda characters, today, in such a poorly drawn fashion — and the animation is enough to make your skin crawl. Throw in the laughably atrocious voice-acting, and sitting through Faces of Evil or Wand of Gamelon cutscenes feels like being an hour into a bad acid trip.

If these two games don't satiate your appetite for strange, stick Zelda's Adventure into your CD-i and get weird with some live-action cutscenes. Or … don't. You'd have more fun spending a night alone in the woods with Tingle.