The Complete humor man since 1982

Oct 27, 2010

If you had been a regular reader of this Page, you would have realised that I am not very much active on the Blogging Scene.But I do still try my level best to keep this page alive and kicking. You might also know that I get super powers from my red underwears. If your memory is strong, you would also remember that I had the habit of bed wetting till I was 12 years old. Now don't give that "OMG- 12 YEARS?" expression. I am pretty sure that you would have done that too.

Why this Blog entry?

I am writing this blog entry because a female fan of mine sent a mail request to me asking me to write a blog on my "NAME". OK. I admit. It was not a mail. It was just a chat session. A blog on my name- "Chriz" ? Now you might be racking your head about the Title of this post. What is the relationship between Chriz and Piss? Yes there is a big relationship between the name Chriz and Piss. I am not talking about my bed wetting days. It was a different era. I was in class 7. I was no more a bed wetter.

Jebaraj, Shabir, Subramanian and I were great friends. We were the only four guys in our class who had our own Bicycles. Jebaraj and Shabir had an Atlas Cycle. Subramanian had a BSA SLR and I had a Rockshox. We went to school in our Bicycles. Even though I had a better cycle, the other three were faster than me in pedaling. I always came last when ever we had cycling races. Now, for the first time in my Blog, I am gonna reveal my full name. My Full name is "Prason Christopher Robin Selvanayagam". The last name is a part and parcel of our family Tradition. It is my great grandfather's name and everyone in our family has that name attached to our Given names.

One evening after our school got over, we were returning in our bicycles, when suddenly Subramanian stopped in the corner of the road and went to the corner and started peeing on the wall. If you had been on roadtrips, you would know that when some one goes, everyone has to go. I am not sure whether it has any relationship to Murphy's laws. The next moment, all of us were peeing on the wall.

This peeing on the wall activity became an everyday activity.We chose a big Brick wall as our peeing spot . In the beginning, it was just an activity, but very soon, we invented games through this activity. We Drew circles , Sinusoidal wave forms and many other designs on the wall. Then we also had this competition on who can pee the longest? Shabir set a record of 5 meters. The record still stands in his name. We devised new techniques to specialise in this art form. As soon as school got over, we would all drink as much water as our bladders could hold and would cycle all the way to the wall for the action.

One day Shabir (He was my Villain in School. He was in Love with the same girl I loved) said ," Guys we will play a new game. We will write our names on the wall". That evening, I drank two litres of water and I could hardly cycle my way to the wall. My friends were already waiting for me at the wall. The game started. Shabir was successful in writing 4 letters in his name (SHAB). Jebaraj did 5 (JEBAR). Subramanian also did 5 ( SUBRA). I completed 6 letters (PRASON). A new champion was born.

Peeing your name on the wall is not an easy task. It requires precision skills, bladder control, hand-eye co-ordination, Leg position. Stopping-when required and Repositioning of legs after one letter is written on the wall. If you had played games like this, you would know the difficulty of playing this game. Very soon we were becoming experts in this art. But there was a problem. As my name was very long, I was never able to completely write my name on the wall. The maximum, I could do was complete my first two names before I ran out of fuel.

One day Shabir dropped a bomb-shell. He said, "Guys let us have a competition to find the fastest writer of our names on the wall". My bladder almost died when my mind thought about the long name that I had to write on the wall. But I decided to win atleast this game, because I came last in the previous two games -1) Bicycling and 2) Longest Pee-er competition. "Is this what they call -Peer pressure?", I thought to myself. That afternoon, I made an announcement in Class, " Guys! From Today, you can call me Chriz". The girls liked this new name. Renu (My girlfriend) came to me, touched my shoulder and said, "Chriz! Nice name". I went to cloud 9. My four friends were caught offguard. They never suspected anything.

Evening arrived, and we filled our fuel tank with water and the next moment wewere lined up before the wall. We stood there like four gladiators ready for thebattle. We also took our classmate Shankar along with us to officiate the proceedings. I even suggested to invite our class girls to cheer us in the competition. As always,My suggestion was not accepted.

"On your Mark, Get, Set, Go" - Shankar's voice echoed through our ear drums. The competition started. Bikes, Buses and cars zoomed behind us on the main road. I was the first to finish it. I exactly took 86 seconds to accomplish the task "CHRIZ". The others were shocked. They realised the reason behind my name changing announcement. They couldn't accept defeat like gentlemen. They ganged up against me and beat me to pulp. My white shirt was covered with dust and sand. After showing their rage on me, they left me. I stood up and looked at the wall. The writing had already dried. I had tears in my eyes. My friends were sorry too. They had tears in their eyes too. They knew who the winner was. We took our cycles and slowly pedalled it into sunset. From that day onwards, everyone started calling me "Chriz"

Oct 20, 2010

I have lived in Singapore for the last two years. These two years have been awesome. Back home, when ever I saw white guys or anyone from the Black/ Yellow race, I would refer to them as "Foreigners". The name "Foreigner" sounded so hep then. When the Singaporeans started calling me a foreigner, I liked it in the beginning. I used to think ,"Wow! I am a foreigner too". But when I literally understood the Real Meaning of the term "Foreigner" I realised that it was not a hep term at all.

I use the MRT (Metro Rail Transport) system quite often. Travelling in an MRT requires special skills and with my two years of experience in travelling in an MRT, I have become a professional MRT traveller. If you have any plans of visiting Singapore in the future, this post will be of great help (Bane) for you. Just take a look at the picture in the left. Girls are requested not to stare at this picture for more than 5 seconds continuously as it would cause them to fall in love with the protagonist of this post. The creature in the picture is the author of this blog. He is wearing his dirty denim jeans (Check his thigh area). He is wearing this jeans for the last one decade. His hip size has remained the same all these years.

When he raised his left hand to catch hold of the hand-grip in the MRT, the passengers to his left side vacated the seat and ran away.He hangs the blue denim jean in his bed room. cockroaches, mosquitoes (any other insects ) never even attempt to come anywhere close to his room because of the denim jeans. Coming back to the topic, The MRT is one place where one can exhibit pole dancing skills. The author of this page has tried his pole dancing skills once and his fellow passengers threw him out of the train. How ever his friend Ravi (name changed) is very popular in Singapore because of his dancing and singing skills on the train. Check this 30 second High-adrenaline pumping action by Ravi in an MRT.

Now you would have learnt the art of travelling in an MRT in standing position.I don't have to take classes to teach you how to travel in sitting posture. If there is an empty seat, all you have to do is occupy it before anyone could park their rear end on the seat. You can also pretend to sleep when someone really needy people( Old people/ Pregnant women) search for a seat. Chronicwriter was not successful with this tactic too, because when he tried to fake his sleep, he over acted by creating a snoring sound and he was removed from the seat by the railway authorities.

Now, I would teach you the art of waiting for a train. You should wait behind the yellow line. Even if your toe nail crosses the line, an automated sweet voice emerges from the station that says : "Please do not cross the Yellow line".Chronicwriter loves that voice so much and when ever he waits for a train, one can hear the voice more than once. When the below picture was clicked, his toe was on the yellow line and the sweet voice was doing the talking. You can also see the train approaching the station in full speed. After this photograph was taken, Chronicwriter jumped into the tracks and stopped the train with the pinkie (little finger) of his left hand. You might think that he was crazy to do such an act. But by doing so, he saved the life of a puppy dog. The girls in the station clapped at his bravery act. The boys were jealous as usual.

Now you have learnt the art of waiting for a train as well as travelling in a train in standing position. Now I am gonna teach the most important art of travelling in an MRT - "The emergency travelling method". This is a dangerous method and it should not be tried by amateurs. This method requires lot of mental balance, precision, timing and emotional stability.

On a cold and rainy day, after a sumptuous meal (potatoes, garlic included) when your tummy is full, if you are unable to find a seat in the train and if you don't have any hand grips/ poles to hold on to, you can simply sit on the floor of the train. If you sit in this position, 99 out of 100 times, there would be a strong aroma that would suddenly fill the entire compartment (car) of the MRT. Immediately you should close your nose and point your finger at any random person sitting next to you.

You can try these three techniques when you travel by train. Please feel free to share the repercussions in the comments section or in your personal blog after trying these three techniques. Happy travelling. If you have any more doubts on travelling in an MRT, feel free to pop the questions in the comments section. Chronicwriter would consult with an expert team of officials and would answer all the questions in ascending, descending and offending order.

Oct 12, 2010

I was a fanatic fan of Rajnikanth during my Engineering college days (1999-2003). We were a bunch of crazy guys who never had an opportunity to celebrate the joy of watching a Rajni movie in the movie hall during our college time. The movie Padayappa was a big hit and that was released just few months before I joined college (1999). The only Rajni movie that hit the screens in my four year Engineering journey was Baba. I remember entering the movie hall with a bag full of old news papers that were torn and thrown in the air inside the movie hall ( A celebration method that can be understood only by hardcore Rajni fans). How ever the movie did not do well in the box office and we were left high and dry.

As days went by, My priorities in life changed and my fanatic craze towards Rajni decreased, but still I loved the style, the punch dialogues and the effect that he had on the audiences. When Shankar finally decided to release the Rs. 162 Crore budget project "Endhiran" (Robot) in the big screens, the hype that the movie created drew my attention once again towards Rajni. This write-up is not exactly a review on the movie Endhiran. This is gonna be my personal opinion about the movie.

Endhiran (Robot)

The movie Endhiran was tailor made for Kamal Hassan. When things did not work out, Shankar turned his eyes towards Shahrukh Khan. Rajnikanth is neither versatile like Kamalhassan nor talented like Shahrukh khan; but he has something that the other two doesn't have and that is the extra-magnetic screen presence. Endhiran was waiting for Rajni and it fit him like a glove.

The story

A scientist (Rajni) creates a Robot (Rajni) and they both fall in Love with Sana (Aish).

Sun Pictures

Maran and Hansraj produced the movie under the Sun Pictures banner. Sun pictures started telecasting teasers on TV to promote the movie which I felt was totally unnecessary. You don't need to advertise Superstar's movie.

The Cast and Crew

Sandhanam and Karnas : They were supposed to play the comedy role in the movie. A friend of mine told me that they were not utilized much in the movie. But my opinion was that these two actors should be thankful that they at least got some 5 minute role in the movie ( I have nothing against their talents). If it is a super star movie, it is a super star movie. Period.

Aishwarya Rai : At 37 years of Age, she still has the grace and charm that she had when she won the Miss World title 16 years ago. She looks young, fresh and she has done enough justice to her role. She has danced like a dove and she is the perfect choice for the role.

Danny Denzongpa : He plays the negative character in the movie. He has played his part well. But Shankar could have selected some other person for this role.

A.R. Rahman : I am not eligible to comment on his music skills. As a fan, all I could say is that he has done many movies better than this. Robot is not his best. Still two songs (Kaadhal anukkal and Kilimanjaro) would leave anyone spell bound because of brilliant cinematography.

Rathnavelu : Popularly called as Randy, he yet again proves why he is India's best camera man. He has made everyone look good. Some of his aerial shots are mind boggling. Rahman's songs have more added meaning because of Randy's works

Shankar : This guy has a magic touch. If he could think of such a subject ten years back, I have to admit that this guy indeed has brains. He has indeed taken Indian cinema to the next level

Cause of Concern

Rajni has acted like a director's hero. A Rajni fan would surely miss the punch dialogues, the sound effects and the popular introduction scene that we are so much used to. Though Rajni has donned the role perfectly, as a Rajni fan, one would surely expect punch dialogues. As there are no punch dialogues in the movie, fanatic fans have ended up selecting one word "DOT" as apunch line from this movie. This word is used more than once by the Robot in the movie.

Technically, one cannot find much fault in the movie; but if more money had been pooled in , this movie would have been a techincal beauty.

The climax was lengthy. How ever Rajni fans would enjoy the climax because of the presence of 100 Rajnis on screen. The ending could have been better.

Trivia (Only known to Chronicwriter)

When the movie was released in India, Terror Romeo Rajendhiran created a stir when he said that Shankar has dedicated the movie Endhiran to him by naming the movie after his name

T.R. Raj -ENDHIRAN.

Reliable sources also reveal that Terror Romeo was Shankar's first choice for thie movie. But when Shankar realised that he had not reached the standard that is required to make a movie with Terror Romeo, he dropped the plan. How ever a few test-stills that were taken two years ago is now doing circles in the movie world. These two stills give us a taste of how the real Endhiran would have looked like.

The author of this page also got hold of a 3 minute clip of the original climax of Endhiran. Check this video to see the original climax of Endhiran.