She has three sets of multiples, but her sanity's intact. Here's how the star of TLC's reality show Table for 12 keeps it together.

Betty Hayes isn't easily fazed. "My husband, Eric, and I aren't the high-strung type," she says. "We don't get flustered easily" — which is a good thing. The couple had two sets of twins within four years and then decided to give fertility treatments one more try (they wanted a sister for their only daughter) and found themselves greeting sextuplets in 2004.

Last winter, the family — including Kevin and Kyle, who turn 13 this month; Kieran and Meghan, 10; and Tara, Rachel, Rebecca, Ryan, Connor, and EJ, who are 4 — starred on a TLC special, Twins, Twins, and Sextuplets. Their daily life proved so fascinating to viewers that TLC created a series for them, Table for 12, where the couple's laid-back attitude and infectious sense of humor are now served up every week.

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Even amid the laundry tsunami, sibling squabbles, and the challenges of caring for Rebecca, who has cerebral palsy, Eric and Betty give the impression they almost don't notice their unusual circumstances. "Some nights, we'll be watching TV, and we look at each other, and then we'll both say, 'Wow, I can't believe we have 10 kids!'" Betty says. "It doesn't feel that overwhelming." Here, the lessons they've learned from raising their 10-pack.

1. Don't overschedule

A big believer in "going with the flow," Betty explains, "I keep a calendar on the fridge so we can track everyone's activities. But we don't have a schedule where lunch is at a certain time, and now we have to play with crayons for an hour, and then there's snack time," she says. "If I had that much structure, I'd really be high-stress. And that's not good for a child, to have Mommy screaming all the time."

2. Skip some golden childhood moments

There are plenty of things on this family's not-to-do list for now. "I have a problem with paint. It's just too messy. Right now, the only way my kids are going to finger paint is if someone wants to bring the paint over, show my kids how to do it, and then clean up," says Betty. Similarly, even though there are beaches nearby, she waited until last summer to get the sextuplets' toes in the sand. "It's not that I don't want my kids to explore what's around them," she says. "I just need to think about what's worthwhile at this stage and what's a recipe for disaster."

3. Pick your priorities

The Hayeses know not to aim too high at this moment in their lives: "If, at the end of the day, the kitchen is clean and the kids are happy and fed, then I feel like I've accomplished something," says Betty. Eric focuses on coaching or watching the older kids' sporting events. "It's a big deal for me," he says. "I was raised by a single mom who worked two jobs and went to school. At games, there was no one there to watch me. So if no one is there to watch them play, that kills me."

4. Respect the juniors

"People tell me all the time they can't believe how well-behaved the kids are," says Betty, who relies on staying calm and offering clear consequences. For instance, she reminds the little kids that they have to keep a hand on the cart at Costco or the cart stops and they won't get to the end of the aisle where the free samples are. (Yes, that's right: She takes the sextuplets shopping with her sometimes.)

5. Defuse the drama

Though the Hayes kids are usually easy to wrangle, there are times when the going gets tough. "I think every parent has that moment where they think, 'I've simply had enough,'" says Betty. "That's when I tend to take a step back and just laugh at whatever's going on." Then she distracts the crew from their squabbling or whining. On a recent evening when all the kids were going haywire at dinnertime, Betty's defensive-parenting move was to break into song. "I got them engaged in 'Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes' and 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.' That calmed them down, and they were able to eat."

6. Get creative with a dollar

The Hayeses do the usual shop-the-sales, buy-in-bulk measures to cut costs for their family of 12, but they also find smaller, creative ways to save. For instance, "we don't buy kids' meals at fast-food restaurants for $3.79 each," says Betty. "We buy off the dollar-value menu — everyone gets a burger, and then we get three big orders of fries, which we share."

7. Accept what you can't change

Betty candidly addresses the challenges of caring for Rebecca, who cannot feed herself or speak, isn't toilet trained, and doesn't sleep through the night. "Rebecca is the hardest part of this whole thing," admits Betty. "She can't communicate, so it's a lot of trial and error," says Eric. "We wonder all the time if she's feeling OK, or if she has, say, an itch she can't scratch." Betty and Eric take comfort in what they can provide: "We love her, we kiss her, we tickle her, and we play with her," says Betty.

8. Encourage strong sibling ties

Betty and Eric have been careful to keep all the kids on equal footing. "We didn't want the older ones changing diapers," says Eric. "And we didn't want the little kids thinking that there were six big people telling them what to do. It's better for them to go over to the big kids and say, 'Hey, you want to play?'"

9. Create family rituals

Consistency equals security for kids, so find something that works for your crew as a weekly activity. For the Hayes clan, it's church every Sunday that gives the family its center. "I am a believer, and it helps me," explains Betty. "Hopefully the kids find comfort in it, too."

10. Redefine couple time

"We don't need to go out," Betty says. "We'll record a TV show and watch it after the kids are asleep. And we text-message each other like crazy. When we're cooking dinner and we pass each other in the kitchen, there's always a swat on the rear — those kinds of things work." Even after 10 kids.