mazumafyhttp://mazumafy.com
Official Mazuma BlogWed, 25 Feb 2015 17:33:33 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0.19 Terrible Things To Do that are Still Better Than Seeing Nickelback at Sprint Centerhttp://mazumafy.com/9-terrible-things-to-do-that-are-still-better-than-seeing-nickelback-at-sprint-center/
http://mazumafy.com/9-terrible-things-to-do-that-are-still-better-than-seeing-nickelback-at-sprint-center/#commentsWed, 25 Feb 2015 17:04:35 +0000http://mazumafy.com/?p=5108There exists, for a lot of reasons, a strong universal dislike for the band Nickelback. But somehow — despite all human logic — thousands of people (masochists?) still turn out for their concerts. On March 2, Nickelback will be here in Kansas City, performing at Sprint Center.

But just in case you haven’t bought your tickets yet — or have buyer’s remorse — we put together a list of terrible things you can do that are still better than going to the Nickelback concert.

1. Watch reruns of the Royals World Series Game 7 loss. #toosoon

2. Get back to back root canals … on the same day.

3. Watch a Caillou marathon with your child.

4. Spend a day traversing from one end of Metcalf to the other while trying to hit as many red lights as possible.

5. Go on a first date immediately after eating this.

6. Spend the day at the wonderful DMV.

7. Listen to Gangham style. On repeat. Forever.

8. Fly on a plane full of these crying monsters.

9. Watch this guy ’til your eyes bleed.

]]>http://mazumafy.com/9-terrible-things-to-do-that-are-still-better-than-seeing-nickelback-at-sprint-center/feed/0Light Up Your Love with These KC-Themed Valentine’s Day Cardshttp://mazumafy.com/light-up-your-love-with-these-kc-themed-valentines-day-cards/
http://mazumafy.com/light-up-your-love-with-these-kc-themed-valentines-day-cards/#commentsTue, 10 Feb 2015 22:40:24 +0000http://mazumafy.com/?p=5097Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and we started noticing that while there’s a ton of mushy, lovey-dovey V-Day cards, there’s hardly any that rep Kansas City.

And that breaks our chocolate-filled heart. We love our city, so we rectified this oversight with custom-made KC Valentine’s Day cards for any situation. Whether you’re single, married or somewhere in or out of that range, we’ve got you covered.

Feel free to share the love!

For all the single ladies.

For the new couples who are still hot for each other.

Maybe you’ve been together for a while, but you haven’t yet tied the knot.

For the newlyweds who are still super sappy (and who happened to meet in the Crossroads or somewhere around there).

For those who have been married for a long time, and just don’t get it anymore.

And for those who just broke up and are NEVER, EVER, EVER — GETTING BACK TOGETHER.

]]>http://mazumafy.com/light-up-your-love-with-these-kc-themed-valentines-day-cards/feed/04 Chocolate & Beer Pairings In Case You Missed Out on Boulevard Chocolate Alehttp://mazumafy.com/4-chocolate-beer-pairings-in-case-you-missed-out-on-boulevard-chocolate-ale/
http://mazumafy.com/4-chocolate-beer-pairings-in-case-you-missed-out-on-boulevard-chocolate-ale/#commentsThu, 05 Feb 2015 16:06:07 +0000http://mazumafy.com/?p=4985Remember last week when we promised you a must-read follow up to our blog about how to get your hands on some Boulevard Chocolate Ale? Well, we’re about to deliver. Like, now.

Because people flock to stores like moths to flame when Chocolate Ale comes out, you may not have been able to get any and find yourself looking for a substitute. Or, as blasphemous as it may be, you just don’t like Boulevard’s brew. It’s OK, we don’t judge.

Either end of it, you need something else to try. And we’ve got some pretty sweet suggestions for pairings of Christopher Elbow Chocolates and readily available Boulevard Smokestack Series beers that will totally rock your socks (and help you out if you were planning on Chocolate Ale as part of your Valentine’s Day).

This is a running list, which means we need you beer snobs to help make it complete. Add your suggestions in the comments below!

Chocolate: Bananas Foster

Boulevard Beer: Long Strange Tripel

Long Strange Tripel has subtle banana tones from the yeast, and the Bananas Foster will make that even yummier. It’ll also work awesomely with the beer’s smooth mouthfeel.

Tank 7 is kinda bright and grassy, while the Champagne chocolate has the bright and wine-y undertones to play off of it. They’ll work well together — trust us.

Chocolate: Whiskey-Aged Maple

Boulevard Beer: Dark Truth

The whiskey-aged maple has all of the boozy sweetness to play off of the molasses and malty flavors of the beer.

Note: Don’t try all of these in one night unless you’re splitting both beers and chocolates with several friends, because your stomach and liver will hate you. Not to mention the whole not drinking and driving and being a responsible, moral human being thing. Just be responsible, that sort of thing. And don’t drink before you’re legal, kids.

]]>http://mazumafy.com/4-chocolate-beer-pairings-in-case-you-missed-out-on-boulevard-chocolate-ale/feed/07 Things To Do Inside When It’s Frickin’ Freezing Outsidehttp://mazumafy.com/7-things-to-do-inside-when-its-frickin-freezing-outside/
http://mazumafy.com/7-things-to-do-inside-when-its-frickin-freezing-outside/#commentsTue, 03 Feb 2015 17:33:36 +0000http://mazumafy.com/?p=4793OK, so no one’s claiming that this winter compares to the winter of 2014, when 0 degrees was a welcome reprieve and we all started to lose our minds when it snowed in April. With that said, the groundhog officially saw his shadow, so it looks like we’ve got 6 more week of winter to avoid.

Despite the unseasonably fair weather, this week we’ve been rudely reminded exactly what avoiding winter means. We’re all about happy here, however, so we’ve made this list of seven fun things you can do inside that are sure to keep you entertained while your toes thaw out from shoveling the driveway.

If all else fails, binge watch seasons of Bones because there is no other show that will simultaneously make you feel horribly unaccomplished and blissfully content with your stupidity in a single episode. Oh, and you’re going to cry — a lot.

1. Make a fort

c/o tumblr.com

Forts aren’t just for kids. In fact, adult forts are better than any a child could make. Show up your S.O. — or heck, even your kids — with a fort that includes all the comforts, like television, laptops, snacks and your phone. Make rules for who’s allowed to enter, like they must bring a gift, or at least a sandwich.

2. Actually make a concentrated effort at creating those things you’ve been Pinning

Who doesn’t want to spend some time failing at DIY ideas? We do! A long day inside is the perfect excuse to try out that bunny bread you’ve been meaning to make. This one works with or without kids, but probably easier without kids.

3. Take a nap

c/o glee.wikia.com

For all those who don’t have kids in your home, this one should be a gimme. If you do have kids, make a game out of it. Whoever sleeps the longest gets a brownie! Warning, though, those afternoon nap dreams can be wicked crazy and you’re definitely going to be disoriented.

4. Fashion show with your pet

c/o mindfullivingnetwork.com

As long as you’re careful not to hurt them, a few hours of humiliation won’t scar them but will totally give you some sweet Instagram pics. Again, this works with kids or without them — just make sure you do the dressing. Nothing like a three-year-old trying to fit a large cat into Elsa’s doll-sized dress.

5. Get nostalgic

c/o gifmambo.com

You know that old box of photos, notes and keepsakes you have stuffed in a closet or attic? Get that thing out, bust it open and take a stroll back to the horrible haircuts and even more horrible outfits. No, those Oshkosh B’Gosh overalls were NOT edgy or cool.

6. Attempt to cook your kryptonite dish

c/o joyreactor.com

We all have that one meal or dish we screw up. Every. Single. Time. Now’s a perfect chance to really show those macaroons who’s the creme de la creme. Plus side — when you destroy it again, you earn the right to order pizza.

7. Create the ultimate playlist

This one should be done with an adult drink in hand because everyone knows our taste in music drastically improves when we set the mood. Make your playlist on YouTube, Spotify or even Hypster. If you do this one in conjunction with #5, you will literally open the 4th dimension and travel back in time.

]]>http://mazumafy.com/7-things-to-do-inside-when-its-frickin-freezing-outside/feed/0How to get Boulevard Chocolate Ale: A PSAhttp://mazumafy.com/how-to-get-boulevard-chocolate-ale-a-psa/
http://mazumafy.com/how-to-get-boulevard-chocolate-ale-a-psa/#commentsSat, 31 Jan 2015 15:59:17 +0000http://mazumafy.com/?p=4956If you live in Kansas City and not under a rock, you’ve no doubt heard of Boulevard’s Chocolate Ale. You know, that beautiful product of collaboration between hometown heroes Boulevard Brewing Company and chocolatier Christopher Elbow. It’s worthy of bucket lists everywhere — and it can prove extremely difficult to actually get your hands on with its magical ability to disappear before it even makes it off the delivery truck.

Well, we’re here to rectify that crime against life with a step-by-step tutorial on how you can get a taste of the rich, chocolatey goodness.

How to Get Boulevard Chocolate Ale

1) Call your favorite liquor store of choice and find out when it’s getting delivered. Pro tip: don’t just find out the day. Find out what TIME of day they expect the delivery truck. You’re welcome.

2) Show up when the truck does. This one gets a little tricky, ’cause lots of deliveries are during the day when responsible people are supposed to be working.

3) That said, remember how you have a “doctor’s appointment” to “get that thing checked out”? Or you could do the honest thing and wait until you go on your lunch break. Whatevs.

4) Scope out the truck, and as soon as that delivery man steps a foot outside it, sprint into the store. Now the clerk is the only person standing between you and your fountain of heaven, so be nice. Let them know you’d like to buy some Chocolate Ale, please, and ask them where you can park it without being in the way. NOTE: The drivers work with dollies loaded up with 10+ cases of beer, which are heavy and awkward. Rushing them will NOT work. Kill ‘em with kindness and stay out of the way.

5) As the beer man comes in, don’t have a cow. Just relax and be cool.

6) Get your beer, pay and leave. Be mindful of the poachers who’ll be out there trying to pluck your loot like a Wonka Bar golden ticket.

7) If the store is already sold out — OK, let’s be honest WHEN that store is already sold out (along with every other store, possibly within an hour or two of delivery) — call around to a few bars. They’ll start getting their kegs Monday night and should have some for at least a week. A few places will stash a keg until Valentine’s Day, so that’s always an option as well.

If you don’t take any of this advice, take this: please don’t be the person who follows a delivery truck from store to store to get 12 or 15 bottles of beer to sell on eBay later. Let’s share the love — it’s almost Valentine’s day, after all.

My roommate and I decided to host a Super Bowl bash this year, but I’m tired of the same old parties. Do you have any tips for making this year the best one ever?

– Super Pumped in Prairie Village

Dear Super Pumped,

If you really are super pumped, then you’re already better off than a Brady football! HAHA #win.

Adult entertainment is a specialty of mine. I really know how to make a party fun, whether it’s showing off my pantomime skills or creaming everyone in charades. And let’s be honest, watching a whole football game can be boring, so it’s important to have other options to keep your friends entertained. Below are five tips for making your Super Bowl festivities the baddest on the block.

Deflate the Football

This is just like pin the tail on the donkey, only now it’s culturally relevant! Just hang up a piece of cardboard (for the fails) and tape a football in the middle of it. Use whatever blindfold you want, except your mom’s sleep mask. She’ll get mad if you lose it, apparently. Next, find some colorful tacks for pinning, so you know whose is whose; I’m always lucky pewter! I save money on prizes by giving away things I find around the house, like a spare toothbrush or my dad’s hairpiece. Feel free to go wild!

Veggie Eating Contest

Trying to stay healthy during the Super Bowl is really tough, so I’ve come up with an eating contest that forces you to eat your vegetables! Grab any one of the dozen veggie trays that your lazy friends brought over and select an equal portion for each person. Every time a player makes a first down, you have to down a veggie. Whether or not you allow ranch is up to you, but I’ve found that the possibility of all those veggies coming back up increases A LOT when you let them dip.

Guessing Game

I don’t know if you remember, but some of last year’s Super Bowl commercials seemed to have one common theme: you had no clue what product or brand it was trying to sell you. At the beginning of them you’d be all like, “Woah, this is a cool car commercial,” and by the end you’d be all like, “TurboTax? Really?” So make it a game, and see who can name the brand the fastest. If Mazuma had a Super Bowl commercial, I’d definitely win that!

Take a Drink Whenever…

Everyone eats and drinks a lot at Super Bowl parties, so my mom came up with a way to make sure my friends can actually leave the house when the game is over. Instead of using adult drinks, she has everyone drink water every time a specific word is said by the sportscasters. Last year it was stats or statistics. We all felt pretty hydrated by the end of the game, but that bathroom line took forever!

Hashtag Heat

Try to come up with the best hashtag for something that’s happening during the game. I gotta hunch this year is going to center around the word “balls.”

]]>http://mazumafy.com/ask-mike-the-ultimate-super-bowl-bash/feed/07 Things You Need to Stop Eating in the Office Right Nowhttp://mazumafy.com/7-things-you-need-to-stop-eating-in-the-office-right-now/
http://mazumafy.com/7-things-you-need-to-stop-eating-in-the-office-right-now/#commentsTue, 27 Jan 2015 20:28:47 +0000http://mazumafy.com/?p=4885While there’s perks to bringing your lunch to the office — saving the moolah and at least attempting to be healthier — there are a few food fails we all conveniently forget to apply to ourselves until someone else does it.

Like those takeout leftovers you just heated up? Pee-yew. And ya know how you can hear yourself chewing those chips? So can everyone else.

And it’s not just us. We’ve all had a day ruined by someone bringing in a stanky sack lunch. Because of this (and because someone in this office chews his food so loudly he makes applesauce sound crunchy — you know who you are, ANDY), we thought we’d send out a friendly P.S.A to remind everyone to please just not inflict the following foods on the rest of us.

1. Tuna. Or how about just no water creature of any form? K thanks.

2. Funions. See how ‘onion’ is in the name? Quit that. The smell wafts around entire cubicle farms in minutes and makes your breath less than pleasant to boot.

3. Food that crunches. We thought of this as soon as we said Funions. ANDY.

4. Salads. Because unless you’re a magician, you’re going to crunch your way through that salad and be hungry again in 23.7 minutes. And then you’re going to be moody all afternoon.

5. Soup. It smells great, but it doesn’t sound great. Enough with the slurping.

6. Eggs. In any form. They smell like butt. Save them for weekend brunches where they belong.

7. Popcorn. Because it either smells amazing and makes everyone insta-hungry, or you burn it and it makes everyone insta-nauseous. Lose-lose.

But all this eating got us thinking about all the weird foods we shove in our mouth without giving a second thought. Sure, we willingly choose to have cow’s tongue sandwiches and honey-covered grasshoppers, but we know they’re weird food. Here’s a list of the top 9 weirdest foods we digest on a regular basis:

1. Milk

What other animal on the planet drinks another animal’s bodily fluids? Besides us forcing it on cats, there just aren’t that many. Or any. Milk mustaches have gone from cute to utterly disappointing.

2. Coffee

Coffee beans come from coffee cherries — a pretty, red fruit that grows on trees. But we ditch the outside and only take the bean inside. Which is weird, because we dump the seeds of pretty much every other fruit and eat the the rest. Plus, the bean starts out green, and only becomes the brown stuff you buy through roasting. It’s like consuming tiny, delicious pieces of charcoal.

3. Hot Dogs

While it’s gross to think about, there’s nothing wrong with eating a combination of the leftover parts of different animals, all ground together in a vat and cooked into sausage-shaped items. When eating hot dogs, you’re doing the environment a service by limiting waste. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night.

4. Yogurt

You know how creamy and yummy yogurt is? That’s bacteria, but it’s actually good for your tummy. It helps digestion and it comes in all sorts of flavors of foods you aren’t supposed to eat, like pie.

5. Beer

By far one of the best inventions of man — yet, it’s spoiled. Fermenting is the process of spoiling, no way around it. But I’ll have another glass of mold, please.

6. Mushrooms

While we’re on the topic of mold, mushrooms are fungus – really just straight mold. They can grow on poop. But man, yummy in the tummy, especially on a hot pizza made of more mold. Which brings us to …

7. Cheese

Cheese is coagulated milk. “Coagulated” is a pretty gross-sounding word on its own… and then when you think about bleu cheese, it’s moldy coagulated milk. MORE, PLEASE.

In honor of #KCRW, I think we’d all like to know your tips and tricks for dining out. Do you have any menu favorites or secrets to share?

– Famished in Fairway

Dear Famished,

I don’t eat out often, but when I do, I eat a lot. Many ask me how I manage to stay so trim given how much I consume, but that’s a question to be answered another time. Right now, I’m going to share my four BEST fine dining secrets that will change your life forever.

Now my tastes can run expensive, so be prepared to pay top dollar if you try out any of these delicious options.

McDonald’s Secret Sauce

Next time you go to the golden arches, get yourself a couple packets of BBQ sauce and mayonnaise. Open the BBQ sauce and squeeze in some mayo. Use a french fry to mix the concoction (the color should resemble thousand island dressing but it’s like a thousand times better). Once you’re satisfied, eat your mixing tool and pour the secret sauce all over your nuggets, burgers and salads.

Wendy’s Sweet and Salty Sticks

Nothing in this world compares to Wendy’s frosties. Nothing. But there is one thing that is slightly better than just a frosty. A frosty and fries. But these two don’t get along separately — they MUST ALWAYS stay together. Dip the french fries in your frosty and you’ve just bought yourself a stairway to heaven. Made of ice cream and potatoes.

Chicken and Biscuits Mix-Up

There’s something about Chik-fil-A’s regular chicken sandwich that changes my life. There’s something about KFC’s biscuits that change my life. Put those two together and life changes forever. TIP: Try to find a KFC and Chik-fil-A near each other (like the ones at 95th and Quivira in OP) because no one wants to eat cold chicken or biscuits. SECOND TIP: Don’t eat this inside the restaurants. They don’t approve of foreign foods, no matter how delicious the combination. Besides, eating in the car in the parking lot is NOT shameful, no matter what anyone says, MOM.

Nacho Typical Taco Bell Nachos

With all the delicious choices on the T-Bell menu, I really don’t like to order a big thing of nachos. Luckily they have a side nacho order that comes with some delicious cheese sauce. Just mix some of their fiery hot sauce in with the cheese, and you’ve got a better tasting side of nachos. What, were you expecting another stairway to heaven? GREEDY.

]]>http://mazumafy.com/ask-mike-guide-to-eating-out/feed/010 Ways to Enjoy The Warm Weather in Kansas Cityhttp://mazumafy.com/10-ways-to-enjoy-the-warm-weather-in-kansas-city/
http://mazumafy.com/10-ways-to-enjoy-the-warm-weather-in-kansas-city/#commentsTue, 20 Jan 2015 21:01:36 +0000http://mazumafy.com/?p=4852This past weekend we had such beautiful weather, we couldn’t help but hope and ask, “Is this forever?” Sorry to say that it’s not forever, but it’s at least for the next week!

Naturally we had to put together a post that helps you take full advantage of the wonderful warmth, because as much of a tease these days can be, they are really what get us through a typical KC winter. Bonus points — you won’t have to deal with your allergies when you’re outside!

This is how we’ve spent the past few days enjoying the sunshine, and we highly recommend you cross at least a few of these off your list, too.

1. Get in at LEAST one round of golf — if only because it’s cool to say you played 18 in January in Kansas City

2. Go to the zoo — most likely all the animals that have stayed out of sight will be out enjoying the warmth, too

3. Have a backyard BBQ, or even better, get out that smoker and watch the neighbors swarm like ants. NOTHING smells better than smoking meat in the wind.

4. Finally take down your Christmas decorations — you know who you are — because you no longer have the potential for frostbite as an excuse.

5. Grab your gift receipts and return all those unwanted gifts. Not only are the sales awesome, but your return window is getting smaller by the week.

6. Use that warm-weather induced energy to get a few projects done — like cleaning the garage or spray painting the ugly tempered-glass goblets your boyfriend’s grandmother gave you from her basement as a “house warming” gift.

7. Do nothing but sit there and smile at the sun. Because he just came out to say hello for a little bit, and may not be back for a while.

8. Give your dog the extra long walk you’ve been depriving them of – you both will be so thankful.

9. Get that team of flag football together and get a little muddy. Because the ground isn’t so frozen that if you fall on it, it breaks you.

10. At least attempt the car wash. It may take driving by it 18 times over a period of three days, but at some point you’ll get lucky and there will only be 25 cars ahead of you. But who cares? Roll down those windows and take the time to do #7.