My appointment with Dr Barry yesterday was intense. Firstly, at the last minute we switched times. I had to get my monthly injection yesterday as well as seeing Dr Barry so that meant I would have had to go to the hospital twice in one day. Well when I rang the clinic nurse to tell her that I wouldnt be able to do that she said if I came in the morning that Dr Barry would see me because it was quiet and she was free so thats what I did. When Dr Barry called me in and came to get me she seemed concerned. When I got in to her office she said I am very worried, the fact that you arent in college isnt a good sign, you must have had a terrible week. I kinda laughed then and said to her, Dr Barry, dont worry, I’ve been off for 3 days. After that she calmed down and we talked. I told her that I’d had a pretty intense week, the dissociation was still pretty bad, my emotions were all over the place, and my anxiety was still pretty intensive. We talked about therapy and I told her that last week I felt we did not get much work done because we couldnt get our shit together to talk to eileen. The words werent coming. I told her how Eileen had said the process of recovery wasnt linear, and for us to not worry, things will happen when the time is right. I told her I am just impatient and want things to happen faster than they are. Dr Barry said that Eileen is right. She then said she had to ask me a question. She said last week during our appointment, she felt that it was implied by me that I thought she was disappointed with me and my progress and that the fact that one of our meds had to be increased meant that I felt she was disappointed in us. So she asked me if that was true. I said that yes, I felt like I was disappointing her. She said no that wasnt true that I am not. That she doesnt see increasing the med as a set back. That everyone has ups and downs in their recovery, everyone has challenges to face, and with the did I have a lot to cope with. She said that I am still doing great, and even if I wasnt, she would never be disappointed in me. I thanked her for her honesty. We talked about college and I told her about the meeting last Friday. She said I made the right decision in staying and sticking it out and she couldnt believe the manager had given me the option of leaving and coming back in 3 months. She said he possibly got overwhelmed and couldnt cope and that is why he did that. I dont know but I am happy with my decision to stick it out and stay. We talked a little about her upcoming holidays in 3 weeks time. She went to see if Zuliana who is her junior doctor was free, so that we could make introductions and stuff but she had just taken a patient in and so we’ll have to wait until next week to meet. Well, we already know one another but Zuliana doesnt know the ins and outs of our case, and Dr Barry wanted to make her aware of a few things before we meet in 3 weeks. It was a good appointment though overall.

So today was my first day of school. And it was great. I didnt sleep too well last night, only managing 2 hours in total. After getting up at 7:45, I showered and ate a bowl of cerial and drank some coffee. I had to leave at 9:45 AM. Normally class starts at 9 but because this is just the induction week its starting at 10:30 each day, with a 9 AM start on Thursday. When I got there the instructors were on their coffee break. But one of them came over to me and she made a point of asking me what I wanted to tell the other class members about Nitro, and whether I wanted to do it myself or have her do it for me. I told her to let them know not to pat him if he was working, and also not to feed him. She also asked me if I was ok with people helping me around the building, I said yes I’d welcome that. At 10:30 we went in to our class and started the induction process. Basically its going to take 3 weeks, they’re easing us into the course I think. Today we just went over the rules of the college, we talked about sick days and holidays and annual leave, we discussed our weekly payment and the school secretary came in and we had to sign forms so that we could be put on their system. The manager of the college also came to talk to us for a couple of minutes. We will have 3 instructors on the course, all female. There are 8 modules, including word processing, spreadsheets, database, the internet, work experience, communications, etc. At the end of each module there is an exam. At the end of our first year we will recieve our qualification. Then we can go on to do work experience in the second year, some people do and some dont. Some choose to just get their initial qualification and then leave. The instructor told us that every Monday the instructors have to do admin work for an hour and a half so we will have a 10:30 AM start on Mondays. Thats nice at the start of the week, not to have to get up super early after the weekend. I was pretty nervous this morning going in but once I got there the nervousness disapated and I settled down. The instructor told us of the supports which are available to us while we’re there. Some of which are a psychologist to talk to us if we’re struggling or need outside resources, a rehabilitation officer who we can talk to if things are impacting our training, a resource teacher to help if your struggling with maths or english etc. Of course I’ll also have Eileen and Dr barry and Mark the OT too. So I am very lucky with the supports that I have. Overall though it was a great day and a great start and I am very happy with how today went.

So after a two week break its back to our nutritionist tomorrow. She was on vacation last week thats why we didnt go. I’m nervous about going. I did mostly ok for the last two weeks. I did have a couple of things I shouldnt have, like for example when I went on vacation I aate some unhealthy stuff but I didnt go overboard. The good part of it is that my vacation was at the start of the two week break. So I had pretty much the whole rest of the time to get back on track. And I mostly did good. I did have some cookies the other day and a chocolate dessert and a couple bags of chips like 2 or 3 in the two weeks. Other than that though I’ve been good. I am still drinking lots of water and trying to eat more vegetables. I am definitely eating a lot more fruit too which is good. Exercise is still problematic for me though. I’m not good at sticking to doing it. I hope to be down some weight tomorrow. I’m not going in with expectations though. I just am hopeful that I did enough and it will pay off.