Top Five Reasons to Hate Top Five Lists

1. The number one reason to hate top five lists is when the author puts the number one item first in the list. List should always count down to the number one item to build, at least, the suggestion of suspense.

2. List creators always feel the need to include at least one photo in the list to attract readers. Lots of times, the photo has nothing to do with the list.

3. List authors tend to use their pulpit to spit out their opinion, rather than the known truth. There are several absolutes in the List universe and some of them are that Highlander 2 is the worst movie ever made, jazz sucks and Swedish Fish are the best candy in the world. When an author inserts their opinion, the list falls apart.

4. The very obvious inclusion is that author usually includes one long shot item, one that is intentionally meant to piss off the readers and get a knee jerk reaction. It usually involves scouring the internet for some obscure reference and then pretending that everyone should know it. Of course, this one is obvious.

5. The author usually has only one or two good ideas and they are forced to flesh out the list with additional bullshit items. When a list only is 5 “things” instead of 10 “things” you really know the author is stretching it out.

6. The additional bonus item. Meant to add a touch of cleverness to the list. It doesn’t work.