Monday, July 9, 2007

Mushroom Clouds over Zion

Recently, I've been struggling in my walk. It was not a struggle of faith in God, in the truth of the scriptures, or even in my salvation. Though all three became involved. My real struggle was that of law verses love. It started when I listened to the interview by the Stupid Church People with those God Hates F*#&$ people (I hate that word). I completely disagreed with what those freaks were saying, but they were strangely convicting. It seems true that the world has got everything so mixed up. I wonder often how mixed up the church is as a result.

Now, I do NOT believe that God hates homosexuals. If we were all lost in sin before Jesus came then God would have hated us. And why would God send His only son to die such a horrible death for those He hated so much. But what if we are wrong to even a small degree. What if I can stop sinning, and what if by not succeeding (or perhaps even try) I am condemned. What is MY responsibility in this game of heaven and hell. Either Christ paid it all, or I am lost along this current path.

For as long as I can remember, I have not been able to adequately reconcile God's law with God's love. Maybe I'm not supposed to. I don't know, but it seem s plane that I have to try. Now, I'm not a spiritual virgin here. I've heard all practiced and memorized answers to my query. The problem I have is none of them sound like the God I've met. Maybe He is a delusion or a devil. I don't know, but His love is so self changing that I think perhaps He is neither.

Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe I'm a lunatic. I am a sinner right up there with Paul, but sometimes, in rare moments, I experience an ocean of love rain down on me in spite of--because of my sin. And in that moment, I don't want to sin. In that very moment, sin's luster is tarnished and its fragrance is fouled. Though I am all too soon defeated, for those few seconds I am victorious. If that is a small taste of heaven, of God, nothing this world is of any worth compared to that.

I think the truth of the matter is that love and law were intrinsically reconciled. By the blood stained cross, law is fulfilled and love is expressed. Law that declares the righteousness required, and love that embodies that righteousness. We are forgiven. When we can truly grasp the amplitude of that love and forgiveness, then can we truly defy our sin. It seems that my only responsibility is to be loved and to see where that love takes me.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Rom. 8:28

"The foremost is, ' Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." Mark 12: 30, 31

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." Gal. 5:22