I got two articles into my reading today before deciding that I have stomach cancer, which cascaded into every disease known to man, even some diseases I’ve only ever heard of on House. I got too distracted to continue reading. When I first got this sinus infection, I was convinced that I had meningitis, and I was going to die at any moment.

Lately, I just sit around like a lump, staring at the TV to distract myself from predicting my own demise, which is really cutting into my ability to do my job, be in class, and engage in hangouts with people that don’t consist of me distractedly checking my pulse every few minutes.