Tuesday, November 6, 2012

When Will We Ever Learn?

October 7, 2012: Douglas, 33, and Kristen, 30, Barbour of Pennsylvania -- described as a "God-fearing couple" -- were charged with abuse and “aggravated assault” as a result of their daughter’s treatment and endangering the welfare of two children the couple adopted from Ethiopia. A doctor since then has recommended that the children have no contact with their parents, particularly the girl who the doctor said could be injured again or die if she remains with the Barbours, according to court documents.Their blog "Our Adoption Journey," chronicled their adoption. In a post by Douglas Barbour titled "Biblical Motivations for Adoption," a long list of reasons for Christians to adopt is given, including "Adoption by Christians brings children into the covenant community and thereby enables them to enjoy the blessings associated with that connection."

November 6, 2012: Mona and Russell Hauer of Minnesota are charged with starving their adopted 8 year old son, beating him, and making him sleep in the basement.

These are just the two most recent REPORTED incidents.

November 7, 2012: Pail (45) and JoAnn (44) Drake of Iowa are arrested and charged with locking their adopted boy and girl, ages 14 and 13, in a basement room for a period of three to four weeks and feeding them under the locked door.

In 1971 I married and moved to the suburbs, a "proper" wife and soon to become a "proper" mother of three more children. My life consisted of La Leche League, play groups, home-birthing, then PTA, class mother, field trips, scouts.... and the haunting of the child I lost, unnecessarily under pressure and duress, brainwashed to believe that my love was selfish and my child deserved more, better....

Haunted every time I was asked how many children I have. Haunted enough to seek to adopt a child the age my daughter was without being aware why....

By the late 70's I had my first wake up call. I learned that adopted adults were searching to find the natural mothers! After hearing this for the very fist time from an adopted man who had just completed his search and was in the process of changing his name back...I blurted out: "You mean you don't hate her for giving you away?"

My second wake up call came as I met other mothers who had been through what I went through and in 1980 five of us co-founded the original Origins: An organization for mothers who lost children to adoption. We were based in NJ but served mothers nationwide via our newsletter. over and over we heard the relief of mothers finding out they weren't "the only one" dealing with the shame and grief. Mothers got to share their harrowing tales of incarceration in maternity homes, or his away from prying neighbors.

But my most shocking revelation came as I began to see newspaper headlines like those above! I had thought that at least my pain and loss were not for naught if it had, in fact, provided my beloved precious child the "better" life I had promised - we ALL had been promised.

I began clipping the news articles and then it also very close to home! Two members of Origins found their teenaged children, one abused the other abandoned. Both miraculously were able to readopt their own children! I heard more and more horror stories in the press and at adoption conferences and reform group meetings. Another Origins mom discovered the child she imagined going to kindergarten and riding his bike had died in early childhood when a televisions et fell over on him! of course, she was never told this by the adoption agency. Others found kids living in cars, drug addicted, run-aways, or victims of deadly car crashes, and suicides. We changed what we told Moms entering into a search, realizing the need to prepare them for the worst possibilities.

By 1988 I chronicled my findings in my first book, shedding light on...The Dark Side of Adoption.
Among other reforms, I called for studies into the rate of abuse in adoptive homes as compared to non-adoptive. And i asked for studies into the suicide rate of adoptees compared to non-adoptees.

And here we are today, twenty-four years later still promoting and encouraging adoption as altruistic....still not following up on the well-being of adopted children nor properly preparing those who adopt children who have been institutionalized and have a high likelihood of having learning and social problems.

Now in addition to new stories of kids being dumped on airplanes or sent to ranches or farms that warehouse adopted kids no longer wanted...we also get to read the blogs of the people who do this and expect sympathy!

Meanwhile, the three children I raised have grown into upstanding, good decent, moral citizens...and the daughter I was pressured to relinquish is DEAD! Died at the tender age of 27 in 1995 at her own hand - all alone... ending her own allegedly "better" life....

None of the suggestions of either of my books are being looked into, instead adoption continues on as a mega billion industry that takes the children of the poor and gives them to rich, obliterating the truth of their origins.

1 comment:

I was shocked at how quickly i met children who obviously were having great difficulty in the main stream who told me nearly first thing in the conversation that they were adopted, this obviously wasn't the better life (and for the record, i pleaded to keep so they took her away) These baby brokers will do ANYTHING for the sale. But I even met children that were jailed after "failed" adoptions, they are afraid to admit they are adopted to anyone of authority and can barely read or write (not that they are dumb, they were abandoned). The statistics are good, but since sw prey upon them, they don't want people to know.

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World Hunger

"Open adoption and open records are important byways. But they are not the most compelling route. Family preservation is."Dr. Randolph Severson, The Soul of Family Preservation

“Regrettably, in many cases, the emphasis has changed from the desire to provide a needy child with a home, to that of providing a needy parent with a child. As a result, a whole industry has grown, generating millions of dollars of revenues each year . . .”The Special Rapporteur, United Nations, Commission on Human Rights, 2003.

As defined by International law/UNCRC and the Hague Convention, International law says that Family Preservation should come first, domestic adoption second, and international adoption as a last resort. What we have today is the complete opposite where international adoption is used as the go to solution in separating children from their biological families.

"Over the past 30 years, the number of families from wealthy countries wanting to adopt children from other countries has grown substantially. At the same time, lack of regulation and oversight, particularly in the countries of origin, coupled with the potential for financial gain, has spurred the growth of an industry around adoption, where profit, rather than the best interests of children, takes centre stage. Abuses include the sale and abduction of children, coercion of parents, and bribery."

UNICEF's position on Inter-country adoption.

"...overseas adoption is a kind of child abuse by the state. ....Overseas adoption is the forced expulsion of children from the society where they are supposed to live. In this sense, overseas adoption is a social violence against children. As humans, we exist as part of a gigantic ecosystem. The existence of the biological parents of adoptees can never be annihilated nor denied."Overseas adoption is a forced separation of children from their natural ecosystems, as well as a way of forcing them into compulsory unity with settings different from and unnatural to their genetic and original social systems. Through this forced separation and compulsory unity, not only the adoptees, but also their biological parents, adoptive parents and their family members suffer trauma."Pastor Kim Do-hyun, director of KoRoot

According to the United Nations, children separated from their parents during war or natural disasters should not be adopted. “Even if both their parents are dead,” reads UNICEF’s statement on intercountry adoption, “the chances of finding living relatives, a community and home to return to after the conflict subsides exist. Thus, such children should not be considered for intercountry adoption.” Sept. 9, 2013 (The Daily Star :: Lebanon News :: http://www.dailystar.com.lb)

"To focus on these children without focusing on their families or communities thus becomes an ignoble hypocrisy; as if to say, 'give us your huddled masses–but only if they are cute children and can be indoctrinated from an early age'.” Daniel Ibn Zayd

Reform CPS

Mirah Riben

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Family Preservation

See Also"What is Family Preservation""Children have rights. These rights are laid down essentially in the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child and in the Hague Convention on the Protection of Children.

"Children and their biological parents have a right to respect for their family life."Adoption: at what cost? 2007 Terre des hommes – child relief, Lausanne, Switzerland

"Every child has the right to know and be cared for by his or her own parents, whenever possible. UNICEF believes that families needing support to care for their children should receive it."UNICEF

The Uniform Adoption Act calls for the protection of "minor children against unnecessary separation from their birth parents."

“Regrettably, in many cases, the emphasis has changed from the desire to provide a needy child with a home, to that of providing a needy parent with a child. As a result, a whole industry has grown, generating millions of dollars of revenues each year . . .” United Nations, Commission on Human Rights, 2003.

"If ... the best interests of the child is to be the determining factor in child custody cases ... persons seeking babies to adopt might profitably frequent grocery stores and snatch babies from carts when the parent is looking the other way. Then, if custody proceedings can be delayed long enough, they can assert that they have a nicer home, a superior education, a better job or whatever, and that the best interests of the child are with the baby snatchers. Children of parents living in public housing or other conditions deemed less affluent and children of single parents might be considered particularly fair game." -- Justice James Heiple, Illinois Supreme Court in the "Baby Richard" case.

Article 7, U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child"The child shall be registered immediately after birth and shall have the right from birth to a name, the right to acquire a nationality and. as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents."

Article 8"Where a child is illegally deprived of some or all of the elements of his or her identity, States Parties shall provide appropriate assistance and protection, with a view to re-establishing speedily his or her identity."

Article 9"States Parties shall respect the right of the child who is separated from one or both parents to maintain personal relations and direct contact with both parents on a regular basis, except if it is contrary to the child's best interests."-------------------------------------------------------------------------On December 10, 1948 the General Assembly of the United Nations adopted and proclaimed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (http://www.un.org/Overview/rights.html).They include:• Article 12. - No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, FAMILY, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.• Article 16(3) - The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.• Article 25(1) - Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control. (2) Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. All children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same social protection.