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I take from the fact that they have been clear about wanting to wait that you have expressed your interest in having sex sooner rather than later. That means, you've asked, they've said "not yet", case closed.

As others have said, the ball is in your court now regarding waiting patiently, moving on entirely, or looking for someone who wants sex right now without breaking up with your current partner.

I would move away from trying to classify their decision to wait as reasonable or unreasonable. It's just a fact, that's what they've decided and your opinion on the matter couldn't be less relevant.

You're right of course...I have to get over it and just go with the flow.

So, you are a married woman, married to a man, and newly poly, and now you have a gf.

You've "made out and touched and everything," but no "sex?" Well, what kind of sex do you want with another woman? Making out and "touching" IS sex, in my book, in my experience with my gf. Have you not been fully naked together? Do you want oral (giving and/or getting), vibrators, strap-on play? What?

Where is she drawing the line? What are her trust issues preventing more intense forms of sex? More time together? Is she new to poly? Is she afraid of lesbian sex?

Well, to me, sex is going further than petting or dry humping. We have not been fully naked with one another. We're gonna talk on Saturday when we spend some time together - just to clarify where we are and everything. All I can do is wait - it is what it is

I don't know about that. If you LOVE her so much, you're willing to go on her timetable, well, OK. Be frustrated and get bitter (heh, that's what I would do and feel).

But I do think it kinda sucks, that she is, in your perception, a "total tease," turning you on and not giving you satisfaction. I, personally, wouldn't date someone like that. I like sex, I love orgasms and the full monty.

__________________Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
We are both open to dating, but no serious other partners at the moment

"Petting" is fingering and tit play, right? Do you get to cum, or go away with the female equivalent of blue balls every time? Ugh. I HATE that.

__________________Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
We are both open to dating, but no serious other partners at the moment

I'd say that whilst I'm happy to wait until you feel we are established enough to have sex, I'm unable to deal with the heavy petting given that I have no indication of how long things are going to remain at this level. It's frustrating and unfair. It can be sexy but after a while it becomes sadistic, almost. To counteract this, let's work on developing the other aspects of our relationship and keep things at first base until you are ready to go further.

So how long do you wait for sex in a new relationship?
I've with my GF for about 3, going on 4 months. We've made out and touched and everything but no sex. She's a total tease, too, which makes it hard for me not to jump her when I see her. She wants to take it slow but...jeez, how is 3-4 months not slow? Am I being impatient? How long should I wait?

Longest I have "waited" was a couple of months. That was due to concerns during pregnancy about potential STD's. I had no signs of any but neither of us wanted to risk the newborns health over a new relationship.

Otherwise the longest I have "waited" is a few days. Most of my relationships started with sex and became relationships. Its how my relationships progress. Without sex I don't get that intimate connection required for me to foster a romantic relationship.

Well, given that you go away painfully aroused and unsatisfied every time you see her, and yet:

Quote:

She says she wants to wait in order to build a solid foundation for a relationship...

... ask her what that "solid foundation" looks like for her. Have long and deep discussions about what trust and safety feels like for her.

Meanwhile, like london said, cut it out with the makeout sessions to reduce your physical pain.

__________________Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
We are both open to dating, but no serious other partners at the moment

I'm new here and thought I was coming here for advice but I keep wanting to comment so I hope that's okay.

I'm not a woman but from my perspective I think the general consensus is "More communication." You need to help her come to an understanding of what her comfort level is now and where it needs to be. Be honest about the fact that you are very excited to be physical but if you need to build a foundation first, take heavy petting off the table. Occasional passionate kisses, holding hands, and many other ways of being physically close do not involve touching each others naughty bits.

Also, no matter how tempting it is to go ahead and make out for fun (and in the hopes maybe this time it will go further), I would say keep building other aspects of the relationship and building non-physical intimacy.

Talk about future and each others dreams. Talk about each others past troubles and find ways to comfort each other. In my experience that type of intimacy building leads to sex in a close relationship.