Creepshow 2 (Blu-ray)The biggest headache about reviewing Creepshow 2 is that I'm continually reminded that I'd rather be writing about the original movie instead. It's not exactly a hot take to label Creepshow as horror cinema's all-time greatest anthology. In a sub-subgenre littered with so many failures, Creepshow is the only one I've ever come across in which every segment is a stone-cold classic (yes, even "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill"; if you argue otherwise, you're wrong). From its brilliant cast to its cacklingly dark sense of humor to its outstanding effects work to its dynamic, '50s horror comic-inspired visuals, Creepshow is a lifelong favorite.

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1987's Creepshow 2, meanwhile, is...errr, not. Despite being culled from another set of Stephen King stories and George A. Romero returning to contribute the screenplay, it's a step down in every conceivable way. The visuals aren't nearly as stylish, having little interest in harkening back to EC's horror comics other than as a framing device. It lacks that sort of fiercely over-the-top verve or moody atmosphere. None of the stories are all that memorable; in fact, two of them were rejected from the original film. John Harrison's exceptional score makes way for what sounds like library music you'd hear on an '80s network TV police drama. Creepshow 2's star power is low-wattage by comparison, not that the lackluster material gives them all that much to sink their teeth into. I mean, think back to the most iconic imagery from the original Creepshow. Now look at this sequel, where you're saddled with a cigar store wooden Indian, an oversized garbage bag floating in a lake, and a hitchhiker sopping with blood and chanting a catchphrase.

I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Let's talk plot! The military's C.H.U.D. warfare program is on ice. No, really; the last C.H.U.D. off the assembly line -- you can call him Bud (Gerrit Graham) -- is quite literally in cold storage. Turns out the military brass isn't all that keen on funding an army of flesh-eating ghouls, but Colonel Masters (Robert Vaughn) figures that undead super-soldiers are just an idea before its time. He has Bud frozen like a TV dinner, and he'll defrost the guy when the project is inevitably reactivated someday down the road.

The only thing is...oh, no! Courtesy of some madcap '80s-style sitcom hijinks, Steve (Head of the Class' Brian Robbins) and Kevin (Bill Calvert) have inadvertently sent a cadaver sailing down the highway. Their hard-ass professor is gonna expel 'em for sure when he finds out. Wait, though! Any corpse is as good as another, right? They know just where to find a replacement too: their friendly, neighborhood Disease Control Center! Professor Whateverhisnameis will be none the wiser too.

So, yeah, they've snatched a C.H.U.D. They're C.H.U.D.nappers. As far as they know, though, he's just another cadaver. It's just that a bubble bath and some ill-advised fidgeting with a hair dryer later, Bud's up and at 'em again, and golly, does he have an appetite! One chomp from Bud and you're looking at another C.H.U.D. And another. And another. And another. Before you know it, the sleepy little town of Woodhaven is up...[read the entire Blu-ray review of C.H.U.D II: Bud The C.H.U.D.]

Rabid (Blu-ray)Three hours to the nearest capable hospital. A half hour at most to live.

The Keloid Clinic is hopelessly isolated by design, offering its wealthy clientele the opportunity to recuperate from their nips and tucks far from prying eyes. Sneer at them as just plastic surgeons if you will, but the clinic's doctors are the only hope that Rose (Marilyn Chambers) has following a devastating motorcycle accident nearby. They're not equipped to operate in any sort of traditional way, unfortunately, instead turning towards a bleeding-edge and largely untested technique. Tissue from Rose's thigh will be treated as to be morphogenetically neutral before being grafted. Her body will have no idea that it was originally thigh tissue rather than, say, her own breast tissue, allowing her to heal in ways never dreamt possible. The road to recovery is long and arduous, with Rose comatose all the while. The results are miraculous, though; when Rose awakens, it's as if she'd never lain near death at all.

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Something else has awakened as well. The accident ravaged Rose's digestive system, to the point that she almost immediately vomits anything she attempts to ingest. The morphogenetic experiment has caused her body to evolve and adapt accordingly. There's an almost vaginal fold in her armpit from which a sort of proboscis emerges. Like a mosquito, this phallic, mutant organ drains blood from anyone unfortunate enough to come in close enough proximity to Rose. That blood -- human blood -- is all that's capable of sustaining her. Rose can't bring herself to acknowledge the terrible truth, but she's now a sort of vampire. She must feed, or she will die. Those victims who survive are left with no memory of what transpired. Within a matter of hours, they're frothing at the mouth, all but feral,...[read the entire Blu-ray review of Rabid]