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An excerpt …

(first, it’s Dad who is the problem)

Like that time I said I wanted the Gargantuan Mountain Bike. It was the coolest thing! 10 speeds and dual brakes and mud flaps and a compass right on the handlebar in case you got lost going to Africa or the grocery store or somethin’. I mean it was just the best bike in the world. Then my Dad looked right at me and said, “Sorry, Mikey. You’ve already got three bikes. That’ll be enough to get you to Africa.” That’s why I’m runnin’ away from home. I’m a deprived child.

(then there’s Mom)

And homework! My friend Jason said that his Mom has never once asked him if he got his homework done. Not once! Me? Heck, I get the third degree every time I come in the door! “What have you got tonight, Mikey?” “Tomorrow’s Friday Mikey, spelling day. Come here and sit down and I’ll go over those words with you.” And sometimes I’ve got somethin’ really important to do … like play basketball or check my email. But no! Instead of doin’ stuff that normal, American boys ought to be doin’, Mom’s got me doin’ homework! Homework! That’s why I’m runnin’ away from home. My Mom’s a slave driver

(time to go … almost)

Well ... (checking imaginary watch) ... it’s time to make my break. It’s been almost ten minutes and I’m sure that the whole world knows by now. (checking various items) Pocket knife … Roller blades … lunch card … a picture of my dog Ralphie ... that’s about it. (mimes gently opening a door) … The coast is clear. There’s the door ... just ten steps to freedom and ... (stops, sniffs) … what’s that? Fried chicken. Geesh! Mom’s makin’ my favorite food on the night I run away. I told you they didn’t care about me. And ... (sniffs some more) ... banana cream pie … milk gravy … homemade biscuits. This is a trick! It’s gotta be a trick! Just like the Russians! I saw it in a movie once ... Well, it won’t work ... it just won’t ... (he sniffs again) … they can’t … (sniffs) ... they can’t.