I’ve been meaning to start a series of articles that takes a humorous angle on sex. No matter how good you are… or how bad… sex is really funny sometimes!

If you are new to my blog, you should definitely read my Kill The Mood Please blog as well as my Most Unlikely Orgasm for Men blog. I promise you, you’ll never look at sex the same way! If anything, it will give you a good laugh and put you in a good mood for the weekend

Today, I don’t have a funny sex story for you but I was browsing some of my old documents for inspiration and I came across this nice little write-up that an ex-girlfriend of mine wrote a while back. I won’t tell you if any of it was inspired by me or not but in either case, you’ll get the benefit of it! So here it is, in all its glory, for your titillating reading pleasures.

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A lot of men want to be great lovers but they never take the time to ask the woman if they are satisfied with their love making skills.

Women like to have all their senses stimulated. It’s how you touch her and caress her, how you talk to her and build a connection, how you look at her, how you whisper to her, how you can create and build up desire and affection. I can’t tell you how many times I have been disappointed in bed by selfish lovers. [Editor's note: or emotionless lovers]

Men assume that having sex only involves minimal foreplay and go straight to fucking… which usually lasts about 5 to 10 minutes. It’s just a release for them. For most women, that’s not even enough to have a (good) orgasm. Men need to take the time to stimulate the woman’s senses and imagination.

I had an ex-boyfriend who would only be interested in sex for one round, maybe two. We’d get to business and once he was done, he wasn’t interested in more. I was just starting to get into it! It was so frustrating…

I would recommend at least 20 minutes with foreplay which involves kissing, oral pleasure, or even something playful like feathers and blindfolds. If you really want to get more playful, you can try whipped cream and chocolate syrup to lick off of each other. Just have fun! Get creative with it!

After foreplay, don’t immediately start fucking her. You need to build anticipation so she can have a bigger, stronger (maybe longer) orgasm. Make her want more. Tease her a bit with the tip of your dick against her pussy and slowly insert the tip… but not going in all the way. Slowly insert the tip about 7 to 8 times and then, when she least expects it, thrust your entire cock inside her. That will drive her crazy, I promise. It’s a rush…

To keep her mentally stimulated, you should talk dirty to her, tell her what you want to do to her or how great she feels. Let her know how turned on you are, how beautiful she is, how she tastes, how silky soft she is.

Some women get insecure about their body, some women get nervous. They don’t know what to expect… especially if it’s their first time with you. Talking to them in loving yet naughty ways will only make her more comfortable with you, which will then get her to relax, be more open to you, eventually get her even more turned on with you… so that she can really enjoy… you!

And it’s very important to cuddle after sex. I love cuddling. Cuddling builds intimacy and connection with your partner/lover, which always gives me that warm, fuzzy, secure and loving feeling.

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God I love hearing what women love in the bedroom. I hope you enjoyed my ex-girlfriend’s write up as much as I did. I’ll have to thank her for it one day if we ever talk again. Finding this in my old emails certainly brings some nice sweet memories…

Which reminds me… I want to share a secret with you! I’m gonna tell you what I always do when I want to make sure a woman is going to enjoy her “every time” with me.

Hmmmmm… Maybe I shouldn’t after all… because then I might lose my competitive advantage over all of you guys who are trying to get to “business time” with someone like I am. (Anyone remember that song from Flight of the Conchords? LOL)

Ahhh… who am I kidding? The better lover you guys become, the more happy and fully satisfied women there will be out there! I’m such an altruistic guy, am I not?

As I was saying, most guys look at sex as “getting laid.” They think of sex as getting pleasure from the girl. I prefer to be the opposite. I look at sex as giving pleasure to a woman. I know that deep inside, women are incredibly sexual. Just imagine if you could consistently tap into her sexual core? Could she genuinely become addicted to you?!! Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaa….

Women are all my “naughty naughty girls” waiting to be let loose. And if they aren’t already, I want to be the one to unleash that side of her… So I take it upon myself to create a safe and fun environment for her to express herself fully in whichever way she wants.

You need to understand that for a lot of women, sex is not just about the physical pleasure or release. Sex is emotional!

So for me to to make sex the best she’s ever had, I really take pride in creating an experience for her. Every time I see her, I try to create an emotional journey, an emotional adventure for her to play in. Before I hit the bedroom, I will typically choose a main emotion I want her to feel.

Sometimes I want her to feel dominated, sometimes I want her to feel spontaneous and adventurous, sometimes I want her to feel in full control, sometimes I want her to feel helpless, sometimes I want her to feel cared for and attended to, sometimes I want her to feel playful, maybe even frustrated with anticipation, sometimes I want her to feel kinky, sometimes I want her to feel passion.

Based on which emotions I want her to feel, that’s how I’ll kiss her, that’s how I’ll tease her, that’s how I’ll talk to her and that’s how I’ll plan the date and lead her to the bedroom. When we are together alone about to get it on, that’s even how I’ll take her, undress her, caress her, look at her, smile at her, choose whether to bring in toys or food… etc.

This is beyond you knowing her favorite sexual positions or how her body and your body work together. When you learn to pick a mood for your bedroom play and elicit those emotional themes in her, sex with you is always exciting. She never knows for sure how sex will unfold with you but she’ll always know it’s going to be a fantastic steamy hot time.

So try it out! Make her feel a wide variety of sexual feelings then tell me how things go. Maybe you’ll even have a story you’ll want to share as a guest blog or in the comments. I’m always looking to hear more from you guys (and gals). Right now, if you have something on bad/good sex, first impressions or first love, first sexual experiences, interracial dating, email me! I’ll take Q&A questions as well.

And if you want to learn more on how to arouse women emotionally, check out books from David Shade or the “Sex God Method” by Daniel Rose. I can vouch for the both of them… or read another one of my blogs aptly entitled Don’t Be A Dildo

P.S. For the women who haven’t experienced this kind of sex, forward this blog to your man! Hopefully, he’ll get the hint… and if he doesn’t, I’m sorry. You have my permission to go find someone who knows how to make you feel completely desired and cherished inside. =P