Tales From The Champagne Room

I found it!: I got the title for my series from an HBO special with Chris Rock. Check it out!

As we are Shaking coconuts from the knob:

The Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me. They get posted "above the fold" with gratuitous linkage in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #13. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

We all know how much Frnak hates clowns, so here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Actually, I got it from a Chris Rock HBO thingy. I caught the show after it started, but I bet he said "There is no sex in The Champagne Room" at least twenty times during the show. The song angle sounds interesting though. What was the name of it?

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #12. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Mad Dog Bad Money Harvey's Turkey Day

I talked to Harvey earlier today and asked him how his Turkey Day went. He goes into this long diatribe about how everyone in his family came over to the trailer for Turkey Day and he even had an unexpected guest.

Lorena catches Debbie adding a box of Ex-Lax to Diane's special brown gravy to insure that everyone will "be regular" afterwards.

Niece Laura shows up wearing her new mink stole that has a blaze-orange circle-and-slash painted on the back of it and proudly displays nephew Matthew's summons for his court date to answer for beating the crap out of the animal rights activists who ruined Laura's new coat.

Blogless Brother John, who just flew in for Thanksgiving from some unnamed South American country, keeps popping up like a jack-in-the-box and fiddling with his "piece" in a low-profile belt holster while nervously spying from the kitchen bay window up and down the street with binoculars.

Cousin Ronnie shows up with his new bride, his three-quarters sister Shandra, who is his sister by his father and his oldest full sister.

Uncle Roy coughs and sputters up in his rusty old pickup and asks those attending if anyone has a fresh pouch of "Redman" chewing tobacco that he can shove down into the transmission to keep it from leaking all the fluid out until he can make back home.

Aunt Patty shows up with freaky sister Connie, who brings her new "best friend" as well as her current parole officer and live-in lesbian lover and Domme who is also an associate producer on The Jerry Springer Show.

Second-cousin Blogless Tom brings as his guest his current analyst, who's doing his doctoral thesis in primitive societal familial subcultures.

Uncle Mike, who's legally blind but can see some shapes and colors and shadows and who also got legally blind fucking stone drunk before ever showing up with his wife Aunt Sarah, keeps "accidentally" nearly falling into all the women and copping feels as he seeks to regain his balance.

13-year-old cousin Derrick asks his cousins Ben & Jeff if he can borrow their thermal-melt scale device, so he can check the purity of an eight-ball "rock" he just bought from cousin Scott.

Uncle Harvey serves the turkey flambe' by pouring some his famous homemade 'shine all over it and igniting it with a flick from his unfiltered Camel cigarette, creating a ball of flame that alights what hair is left on Uncle Gary's head and gives third-degree burns to his balding pate, filling the dining room with the stench of roasting human as well as turkey flesh, as 911 is called for the second time on this special Thanksgiving holiday.

Then, wouldn't you know it, on top of all this insanity, Jake is raising all kinds of hell at the door. No wonder, here comes Evil Glenn. Evil Glenn arrives carrying his super sized 7-11 mug full o' puppy smoothy in one hand and a hairless Chi-hua-hua doggie under his other scrawny pale-skinned arm. Jake jumps through the living room window and hauls ass down the street.

As they sit down for dinner Evil Glenn volunteers to say the thanksgiving prayer. Little did they know it would be a commie prayer to Satan!

After dinner Evil Glenn makes hisself at home and sits in Harvey's big orange bean bag chair in the corner of the room across from the 13" B&W TV with the tin foil antennaes on a coat hanger. He reads yesterday's paper, scouring the personal ads for a date. He finds one, makes a short phone call on Harvey's 1970 era rotary phone, jumps up, does a robot dance.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #11. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
Should you hit it off with a woman, perhaps think you are soul mates, and fall into bed in an unclothed, heavy-breathing, romance-novel tangle, and, in the heat of it all, she moans, "Daddy," do not even attempt to put your pants on until you are in the car.

I saw you across a crowded room.
Among all the others that were there,
The lights seemed to shine down on you alone.
I knew then I had to have you for my own.

Willingly, you came with me to my home.
From the car, I carried you through the door.
Looking at you, I admire your body,
your well shaped legs, and breasts.

Slowly I remove what wraps,
around your body so tightly,
fitting you like a glove.
Exposing your tender white skin.
From your neck I remove your charms,
and carry you off in my arms,
to the warm water that awaits.

The water cascades down your neck,
flowing over your soft breasts then,
making your legs glisten with wetness.
Droplets of water cover your taut skin.
My hands rub your body, ummmm
running them through the beads of water.
Making them trickle down off your body.

I place my fingers inside you.
You are warm and moist, so ready.
I carry your still dripping body,
to a laying place, so that I can
put inside you what was well
prepared to enter you before
we even came through the door.

As soon as I lay you down
your legs spread open wide.
You are ready now and so am I.

I put a little in slowly at first,
getting a feel for how much you can take in.
I put in more, you take it willingly.
In anticipation, faster and faster
I put it in, pushing it in deeply
as far as I can, until I can't
put any more in, you are so tight.

With your legs wrapped tightly,
not wanting to release any of it,
I make you so hot for a very long time,
until your sweet juices escape from within.

Then I taste you, with my tongue at first,
your skin is so soft and tender.
I taste more of you with my mouth,
you are so hot and moist, you taste so good.

Your juices coating my mouth,
making me drool in anticipation
of eating you more, with every taste.

"Oh yes", I say to you,
I must say Grace
"Thank God for Butterball turkey...
Amen."

Madfish Willie's Thanksgiving Weather Report

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

A BigStick Thanksgiving

You know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball.

Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing with an ice cream scooper.

Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green jello.

After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat with toilet paper.

Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger than a 12x14 cell...Even if it is for only four days.

To eat your meals, the only trek you'll have to make is from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall in below freezing weather.

Instead of listening to "When I first started teaching here..." you can be entertained by "When your mother was your age..." and "during the Depression we weren't lucky enough to have Brussels sprouts. Hell, all we could afford was the sprout!"

You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in your microwave.

WUPASS, my ass. More like a can of fucking whipping cream
for spraying on Susie's boobies. [actually, that sounds like fun]

Ok, you assgoblin anti-war protesters, I’m gonna give you what you always wanted - I’m going to stifle your dissent, just like the tin-foil-hat-wearing panic-mongers have been claiming would always happen under the EEEEEVIL John Ashcroft. The soon-to-be-passed American Sharia laws will unleash cruel and unusual punishments for your unpatriotic displays:

A lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing!

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, PARTICIPATION IN ANY ANTI-WAR PROTEST ACTIVITY WILL RESULT IN PUNISHMENT ACCORDING TO THE FOLLOWING SCHEDULE:

I wish I could get as cheesy of a work schedule as he hands out for these punishments!

First offense: a dirty look

Slap the shit out him!

Second offense: a 5 minute “time out”

Knock him on his ass!

Third offense: a stern talking-to

Knock his fucking teeth down his throat!

Fourth offense: no dessert

Beat the dog shit out of him!

Fifth offense: a 10 o’clock curfew

Shoot him in the fucking knee caps!

Sixth offense: sent to your room

Stick his head down in the honeybucket for an hour or two!

Seventh offense: loss of cell phone privileges for 2 days

Stuff that phone up his ass along with my boot!

Eighth offense: When I was your age, I respected my elders!

When I was your age, I got my ass beat just for GP.
Fuck him! He needs a daily ass-whuppin just for
the shit he didn't get caught doing.

Ninth offense: Are you listening to me?

Huh?

Tenth offense: Fine! F*** you! You had your chance! – First, we’re gonna handcuff you to this chair and make you listen to Rush Limbaugh for 96 hours straight, then we’re gonna make you bathe WITHOUT using patchouli oil, then you'll get a haircut, a real job, and you WILL start paying rent, young man!

Shoot that bastard right between the eyes with a pig-blood-covered
bullet so he doesn't get his 82 raisins in hell!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #10. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Blackfive Turkey Day Adventures

How To Cook A Turkey
1) Go buy a turkey.
2) Take a drink of scotch whisky (Glenmorangie) or Jack Daniels.
3) Put turkey in the oven.
4) Take another 2 drinks of whiskey.
5) Set the degree at 375 ovens
6) Take 3 more whiskeys of drink.
7) Turn oven the on.
8) Take 4 whisks of drinky.
9) Turk the bastey.
10) Whiskey another bottle of get.
11) Stick a turkey in the thermometer
12) Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.
13) Bake the whiskey for 4 hours.
14) Take the oven out of the turkey.
15) Take the oven out of the turkey.
16) Floor the turkey up off of the pick.
17) Turk the carvey.
18) Get yourself another scottle of botch.
19) Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.
20) Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

Drinking Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
Barmen.

A young boy, after hearing the story of Thanksgiving and how the Indians and the Pilgrims sat down together, climbed up into his father's lap and said, "Daddy, did you know that if we were Indians, you would be a brave and Mom would be a squawk?"

"That is the best description of your mother I have ever heard," replied his daddy as he ducked.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

The representative from Butterball goes to see the Pope and asks him to change the Lord's Prayer from "Give us our daily bread" to "Give us our daily turkey". The Pope says that it is impossible, but the Butterball rep says that they are prepared to give the church a billion dollars to change it. The Pope says he must discuss it with the head Cardinals. The next day he calls them all together and announces he has good news and bad news. "The good news", he begins "is that the church is to come into a billion dollars. The bad news is that we are losing the Wonderbread account!"

Have you read President Clinton's Thanksgiving Day proclamation for 2000? It includes the warning that, under penalty of fine and/or imprisonment, it is illegal for Americans to eat turkey on Thanksgiving Day as of this year.

It seems that, according to a scholar doing research at the Library of Congress on Miles Standish (one of our Pilgrim Fathers), the Pilgrims did not serve turkey at the first Thanksgiving but served wildcats.

Therefore, starting with Thanksgiving 2000, all Americans must eat pussy for Thansgiving.

The day before Thanksgiving this little boy heard his mom and dad fighting. The husband said to his wife, "You stupid bitch, you have floppy tits." She wasn't about to be outdone and said, "Well you have a crooked dick, you bastard." Well, the little boy heard every word they said. After they got done fighting, he went up to the mom and asked her what bitches and bastards were. She told him that they were people. Then he asked what crooked dicks and floppy tits were. She told him that they were coats and hats. The little boy accepted both answers and went on his way.

The next day, they were getting ready for a huge feast with friends and family. The little boy went up stairs where his dad was shaving. The dad cut himself and said "Shit!" Well once again, the boy started asking questions and asked what "shit" was. The father told him that it was "shaving cream". The boy accepted this answer and went downstairs were his mom was stuffing a turkey. When the mom cut herself with a knife, she said "Fuck!" The boy once again asked what "fuck" was. She told him that it was "stuffing". About that time, the door bell rang.

When the little boy went to answer the door, it was his grandparents. Upon opening the door, the little boy said: "Hi bitches and bastards. Let me take your crooked dicks and floppy tits for you. Dad's upstairs putting shit on his face and mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

Turkey Day Humor Links:Thanksgiving E-Cards
Brilliant and hilarious cards to send electronically to your loved ones on Turkey Day, from the very creative Modernhumorist.com.

Valerie Archer...
A collection of WAV files pertaining to Thanksgiving. A few from the
Simpsons, Bart not OJ.

Thanksgiving Excuses
A list of excuses to get away from the family after you've stuffed yourself
silly.

All About Thanksgiving
A large collection of Thanksgiving content from humor to cooking to decorating and much much more. Created by About Guides and presented by New England for Visitors guide, Kim Knox Beckius.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #9. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

He was going to get a cheap old piece of shit [aka POS] camera, but I talked him in to getting one that will last a few years and have the features he needs such as high speed, lots o' pixels, etc.

Go help him out and drop a couple of bucks in his PayPal because, quite frankly, Madfish is getting fucking tired of carrying his sorry ass around here. You should see his damn bar tab... and he never tipsThe Bartender either... dickhead!

While you're over there have a piece of Free Pie and sign his GuestMap!

PS If you need guidance as to how and what to contribute go read Harvey's take on the Pizza Rule!

Thanksgiving Week

In honor of the Thanksgiving Holidays this week, I'll be rotating different Thanksgiving themed backgrounds each day. How do you like this one? Looks pretty good with the rest of the page, huh? I lamost hate to rotate it out. What do you think... leave it up or rotate it?

Rick Gobbler
1/2 oz. Wild Turkey
3/4 oz. each of Chambord, Amaretto, and Cranberry juice
Shake well with ice.
Strain into a chilled glass for a shooter, or pour over ice in a highball glass.
Garnish with a lime wedge.

Tooty Fruity Turkey
Equal parts of ;
Wild Turkey
Peach Schnapps
Orange juice
Place all in a shaker with ice.
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass or
Pour over rocks in a highball glass.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #8. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the rains fall soft upon your fields,
And may God hold you in the palm of his hand,
Until we meet again."

Yogism
"I wish I had an answer to that question because I'm tired of answering it."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him." ~Mark Twain~

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
Going shopping with more than one woman at any given time will consume a minimum of seventeen hours that could have been spent napping.

Thanksgiving Week

In honor of the Thanksgiving Holidays this week, I'll be rotating different Thanksgiving themed backgrounds each day. And I'll be linking Thanksgiving related posts as I run across them this week. Here are some from my collection to date:

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #7. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Just a friendly fuck you to let you know I stopped by, and also - I really shouldn't read this shit unless I'm REALLY drunk. I'm thinking at 1 am with 3 or 4 pitchers in me, I'd be howling with laughter.

Thanks Harvey, for stopping by today. Why can't everyone just leave a litte note, a footprint so I know they have been here? It's a good habit to get into because it gets you additional readers at your blog. I call it Gorilla Marketing! LOL!!!!

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
On PMS: The fact that she knows hormones are causing her temporary crankiness doesn't make the feelings any less real, so cut her some slack.
At those times when she criticizes your mood, it's okay to remind her of how you always cut her some slack on PMS days.
Do not expect this gambit to work.

Tales From The Champagne Room

First are the Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me. They get all the gratuitous linkage I can put in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section and get a single link to their post.

I wanted to see what kind of response I got to what you, Blackfive and I did. Then do a mailer to all me blogger contacts with cut 'n paste posts included to see what kind of response it got. A little experiment, if you will, for my Blog Tips column!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #6. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

I managed to get blogrolled by following the instructions in one of his posts and sending him an email with my URL and the subject "Alliance Add." Of course, it did take him about 3 weeks to get around to it...

CD: I've e-mailed him some posts on Filthly Lies where he was a featured player and gratuitous linkage but to no avail. The Bear has a script that lists everyone in Frnak's Alliance and he doesn't even have that in his sidebar. So, this is war!!! Spnak Frnak!

Remodeling

I was having problems with readers using Mozilla browsers [Susie] not being able to read certain parts of the blog. As I started this blog, I knew absolutely nothing about CSS and a little about HTML that I learned long ago. The language has developed so much since then, I've had to reducate myself.

As I was building the site and tweeking and tweeking and tweeking, I had a lot of garbage code [marquee tags] that I kept in the templates and used comment tags to hide. I also had used some substandard coding practices to achieve the look I desired.

So all last night and part of this morning, I spent going through my Stylesheet and Index Template. I removed all the comment tages, rewrote code to current standards [thank you to Phil], and changed a few things design-wise.

I don't know exactly what fixed the Mozilla problem, as I completed everything before anyone [Susie] read my site today. If it was the recoding or installing an image background under the .blogbody section so that the page background wouldn't show through, but a commentor [Susie] said Yay!!!!!! So, if everyone [Susie] is happy, I'm happy!

Not to poop on your party, because I know you've worked hard on things, but I liked the other background a bit better. The gray is a good neutral, but chilly.
I wonder if there's a workable (i.e. nonintrusive) background out there that looks like champagne bubbles?
Or a nice beer color?

LeeAnn [with 2 e's] which background are you talking about? The wheat colored, beer bottles, or hippy Homer? What I'll probably end up doing is making the main background black crinkly paper, move this background into the outside of the post boxes. That looks really tough, but I wanted to make sure that it wouldn't bleed through as the others were doing for some reason.

LightandDark: Are you viewing full screen? My comments boxes are all lined up and there is no funky code in the ss or comments template, but I'll check again for a comment tag.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #5. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Funny Friday

Madfish Willie told me to end the week off on a good note, so here's a bar joke followed by the funniest shit I could dig up around the blogosphere.

C-ing I Dog

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.

"Just watch me and follow my lead," he said.

He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, "I'm sorry but I can't let you in here."

The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can't let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.

"But this is my seeing eye dog," said the second guy.

The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, "Sir, ah… um… a Chihuahua?"

The man looked a little puzzled and then said, "What? They gave me a Chihuahua?"

The Rules
The blogs who enter will have to have a piece turned in by the deadline given to compete. The judges will of course judge those pieces, and post on their blogs their decision for the three blogs that will go on the first week, and the second week the winning blog.

1. The winners each week will be based on the favorites as voted by blogs throughout the blogosphere.

2. Each two weeks a new tournament will begin. All participants will be randomly picked from those who signed up to compete.

3. On the first day of the tournament all participants will be introduced and the contest begins.

4. The final winner each two weeks will advance to the next tournament automatically to try for a repeat win.

5. Entries are posts that the individual blogger will write and choose to put in the competition. If a blogger does not have entry in by due date they are disqualified, unless extenuating circumstance warrents (this would be up to the tournament judges)

6. A group of two judges and one rotating judge will be in place to judge the entered blogs.

7. The contest will begin each two weeks with 6 entered blogs. From those the judges will pick three to go on to the final. From the final three one will win.

9. The rotating judge will be determined each week from past contestants that choose to be entered for possible judgeship. All judges are considered "sponsers". Those that "sponser" will have their logo on the top of the tournament posts.

10. The winner will be given an image to place on their website showing they won and will be placed in the sidebar at the site as the winner for the month they won.

11. To qualify to enter and compete the blogs must be lower then a large mammal in the ecosystem at The Truth Laid Bear as of the first day of the tournament they are entering. Two winners per month. All results will be posted at the Patriot Paradox.

Entries must be in by 10 am on Tuesday. I will then post all the entries on Patriot Paradox, and email them to the judges. The judges will need to have chosen by Friday at 5pm on the ones they like. I will post sometime before Sunday on who made it to the final round. Those blogs who made it will then have to have their final entries in by 10am on Tuesday and same thing happens. If you win the whole thing we will all post on our blogs that you won, and you will automatically go to the next competition. Any questions? Email me and ask.

The next tournament will begin December 9, 2003 and we will need 6 new contestants.

At the date of his acceptance into the event his ranking was 391, which was pretty borderline, but still acceptable. Granted he passed into large mammalhood, but the recent post I have made at my site, Madfish made here and elsewhere have all put him way over the line.

Spank Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #4. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Ok, now this is worse--black print on a black background!!!! Barkeep, dearest Barkeep, for the THIRD time, it's not the wallpaper that's the problem!!! It's that Mozilla is not reading your aqua text boxes. The text boxes are invisible--transparent, if you will, in Mozilla. So while with IE the text is on aqua on sand on ebony, with mozilla the text is right on the ebony (or Homer OR the beer bottles or the straw mat you had). Now, whatever you have in the comment box is working--there's an aqua box on top of the black (or Homer or beer bottles) here. So maybe knowing that will help. I don't know. CSS is scary.

There are no pop up ads on this site. There didn't seem to be a problem with the old background pricture before the beer bottles and hippy homer. My suggestion would be to not use Mozilla on this site till I get whatever the problem is corrected.

Odd--I still had a pop up ad! But only with IE, not Mozilla. Hmmm....guess it wasn't the polls. That's the color I'm calling aqua--a real light blue/green nearly white. Guess it's more of an aquamarine, but that's longer to type! ;) If it's spywear causing the pop ups, it's only on your site! Anyway, with mozilla the print is on the straw again, which is slightly more legible because it's lighter. Sorry to be such a kvetcher! But I criticize because I love....;)

I changed today because people were saying they couldn't read the blog on mozilla browsers. I got the Homer pic at one of The Simpsons I googled one boring Saturday afternoon... can't remember which one, but I have several others to switch out that are pretty good too.

Dear Barkeep--the problem is NOT the background (it's just as illegible with Homer as with the beer bottles in Mozilla)! It's the lack of the TEXT BOXES in mozilla! With IE, the text is printed on an aqua box in a sand frame. In Mozilla, the text is DIRECTLY on the beckground, whether bottles, Homer or straw. THAT'S the problem...you need to get the boxes to show up with Mozilla.....

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #3. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Cyborg Bloggers II

C.Y.B.O.R.G. Generator: Enter your name and the Cyborger will tell you your Cyborg name and your dark purpose.

Cyborg name generator came up with these descriptive names and purposes for the members of Madfish Willie'sCorner of the Bar Babes. [Note: This is an updated list and there will be some surprizes here!]

OK, so I have a question about this whole Gang/Babes thing... is it like the T-Birds and the Pink Ladies from Grease? You can only date someone in the gang? If so, who picks, the guy or the girl? If the girl picks, who picks first?

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in it's second day. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May we have those in our arms
That we love in our hearts."

Yogism
"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."

Quotes on Drinking:
"If all be true that I do think, There are five reasons we should drink: Good wine - a friend - or being dry - Or lest we should be by and by - Or any other reason why." Henry Aldrich

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
Men always overestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' chests even as they underestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' hips.

Spnak Frnak

What leader would not stand behind his troops in the Great Blog War? Frank J - that's who. He doesn't blogroll all the members of his own Alliance of Free Bloggers. Us little pissants of the blogosphere rootin' around for the scraps and leftovers are left to fend for ourselves with no assistance from our fearless leader. Hell, I'm even a guest poster at The Alliance HQ page and Frank J don't even know who the fuck Madfish Willie is!

Therefore, I am on a one man crusade to remedy this situation. Until Frank J blogrolls every single member of The Alliance, I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. In addition to his double secret probation status, he is suspended from the Corner of the Bar Gang adventures and will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to a kiss:
Give me a kiss, and to that kiss add a score,
Then to that add a hundred more;
A thousand to that hundred, and so kiss on,
To make that thousand quite a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh as though we'd just begun."

Yogism
At Yogi Berra day in St Louis 1947 "I want to thank you for making this day necessary."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." Unknown

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
Women have to buy new outfits every season, and this makes them happy.

Evil Glenn Product Endorsements

The Alliance's newest assignment is to make up discover what products that Evil Glenn pimps as a Celebrity Endorser. Well, as I was flipping throught the Sunday paper, the one with three trees worth of crappy advertisements, I found out the Evil Glenn actually is a very prolific endorser. Here is a small sample of what I found:

You Asked, The Bartender Answered

Well, my Interview with Jen is finally up. The answers to all the deep and probing questions of a lifetime of alcohol and drug abuse. Damn, she didn't give me much time to be the smart-ass fucker that I usually am. But, it was fun anyway.

The Story of Madfish

Everybody's been screaming for more info on the Madfish, where he came from, what he's done. So here are a few of my smaller adventures across the globe that I dug out of my diary. I didn't take very good notes on most of these adventures so the details are severaly lacking but you get the picture.

Madfish Willie fought his enemy: Fat Bastard on an ironing board during the third world war in a sad mood and fell violently ill so everyone bowed down to Madfish Willie, he grabbed the detonator and as if it were a miracle he killed the bad guy and made it away with minimal injuries.

Madfish Willie saw a movie made by Fat Bastard in Japan and got locked in prison because his leg hurt and chased a bunny. Madfish Willie then escaped through a secret passage, he called the police and with his last ounce of strength he escaped narrowly and hitch-hiked all the way home.

Madfish Willie slept in all day with Mr Harnwell on a pirate ship and got locked in prison because his leg hurt and all hell broke loose which started a party, he felt a sudden ray of hope and just as he hoped he got the money and lived the rest of his life in Italy.

Madfish Willie discovered a wild dog in an icy cave during an important business meeting because his leg hurt and banged his head on a wall which caused an avalanche, he stole a car and as if it were a miracle he escaped narrowly and hitch-hiked all the way home.

Madfish Willie was friends with an axe murderer after winning the lottery and got 2nd degree burns because he had no sleep the night before and fell violently ill. Madfish Willie just dodged three bullets, he blew up a truck with a hand grenade and while wearing his lucky backpack he got promoted to field marshal.

Madfish Willie slept in all day with John Howard in Tokalue and went around killing rats with a jackhammer because his leg hurt and everyone felt very sympathetic which caused an avalanche, he blew up a truck with a hand grenade and just as he hoped he accidently tripped and smashed his face against a rock.

Madfish Willie was owed money by John Howard in China and got 1st degree burns because he had no sleep the night before and a heated argument arose. Madfish Willie just dodged three bullets, he shot all the bad guys and while wearing his lucky backpack he accidently tripped and smashed his face against a rock.

Madfish Willie was friends with Homer Simpson in Russia and fell into the eternal pit of hell because his leg hurt and fell violently ill which caused an avalanche, he felt a sudden ray of hope and with relative ease he got caught by the police and was sentenced to 44 years in prison.

Madfish Willie slept in all day with a baby boy on an ironing board and got 1st degree burns because his leg hurt and went on a rampage which made him cry, he made a giant leap across the ravine and with the help of $10 000 worth of special effects he accidently tripped and smashed his face against a rock.

Madfish Willie went swimming with a baby boy in an icy cave and got 2nd degree burns because he felt like it and banged his head on a wall which started a party, he jumped out of the way as the roof collapsed and with relative ease he got caught by the police and was sentenced to 14 years in prison.

Madfish Willie was owed money by an axe murderer in Italy and got 2nd degree burns because his leg hurt and banged his head on a wall which started a party, he made a giant leap across the ravine and as if it were a miracle he accidently tripped and smashed his face against a rock.

Madfish Willie was friends with John Howard on a passenger jet and went around killing rats with a jackhammer because he felt like it and a heated argument arose which made him cry, he shot all the bad guys and to the surprise of the audience he defeated his enemy and the world was safe again... but for how long?

Goddam face hurts from all those rocks smashin it up. That must be why the whole side of my head is caved in... damn, I forgot all about them rocks till just now.
« You're cut off!

Stick around for extreme carnage when Cherry's subspace communications facility is attacked by network executives in a living alien machine. Pixy Misa torpedoes the uncooperative interlopering comment spammers into submission after agreeing to a ceasefire, saving Susie from permanent damage.

Finally, after Tim's overtly intellectual ads for nose reductions, industrial slavery and Kang's back room adoptions, meter maid Mookie and a bunch of high school girls stand around the hidden peephole and look at Jim's hairy back, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Survivor: Blogosphere Edition on Mars.

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"If the ocean were a goblet
And all its salt seas wine,
I would drink it to you darlin',
Ere you cross the foamy brine;
For then you couldn't cross it,
But would have to stay on land
Till the walkin' should get better,
And we'd cross it hand in hand."

Yogism
"You can observe a lot by watching."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Now is the time for drinking, now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot." Horace

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
Getting back to kissing: more lip.
Less tongue.
The small of the back, the nape of the neck, behind the knees.
[Between the legs too, they like that]

The New UN Motto

The Alliance assignment to make up discover what the new United Nations motto should be is completed. Here are the members who completed this difficult assignment and thus are granted gratuitous linkage:

A Night At Blender's

I have just experienced the drinking weekend to end all drinking weekends, and only now have I summoned the courage to put pen to paper (or whatever the e-mail equivalent is). I do believe I've recovered enough to write this...although I do it with shaking hands. The story opens as follows... I work part time at a nightclub called Madfish Willie's… that's all you need to know. A couple of times a year we take our Corner of the Bar Gang cash fund and go do something cool with it… like river rafting. Sunday, we decided to go down to Evil Glenn's bar and cause a ruckus down there... but I'll get to that in a minute... the night before, Madfish Willie's had an anniversary appreciation night where everyone who showed up received five tickets good for free drinks... since I only work on Fridays and usually don't come in at all on my days off… everyone was surprised as hell to see me there. Free booze… of course I'm gonna show, jeebus... the waitresses were buying me shooters… I bought them shooters… enjoyed my free booze… danced up a storm… did a whole lot of yelling and ass-grabbing… and don't remember a goddamn thing… but we do have some pictures.

I got a call Sunday morning from my buddy Blackfive… he asked if I could pick up Harvey and bring him out to Madfish Willie's house for the pre-trip barbecue... Super-groggy and massively hung over, I managed to get Harvey and drive out to Madfish's for the festivities… which got off to a great start when one of the guys started pissing off the front porch in view of the neighbors... we headed around back to start drinking some more… some of the guys had been up all night after the club drinking and were fucking incoherent… and the kegs were in full force… Blackfive had his sixer of beers in one hand… Harvey had a kool-aid pitcher of beer in the other at all times… amply topped off with several judicious trips to the beer keg downstairs. As the Corner of the Bar Gang are wont to do, the testosterone level got higher and higher… and the plans we had for Evil Glenn's bar were becoming more outrageous by the minute.

Pulling into Evil Glenn's bar - Blender's - parking lot… we disembarked and took care of various points of business. I had to change clothes… Harvey felt the need to kneel down by rear wheel well of the bus to puke and take a piss… the other boys headed inside. Now, Lord Spatula doesn't turn 21 until July 6… but this was the 4th… no big deal, right?… WRONG… Evil Glenn, was being a total asshole about it… he was adamant that there was no way Spatula could stay with the rest of us. Unfortunately, for Evil Glenn, Blender's only had 2 bouncers on staff plus Evil Glenn… there was 13 of us... do the math folks... Blackfive started musing aloud about how far he thought some of the chairs could go off the balcony… and the mood started to turn surly again… I guess that Evil Glenn was somewhat concerned… because five minutes later Harvey looked outside and said "Oh shit, the Federales"... it was pretty funny… they were all like "maybe you should head back to Texas or else you could spend a couple of days in lock up here with us"… with their hands right by their guns the entire time.

Now Evil Glenn is, quite frankly, a mouthy little bastard... and a skinny little crybaby prick… he'd been popping off a load of stupidity since forever… and we were getting tired of his shit… but, we were trying not to pay any attention to him today… just ignoring his dumb ass. Harvey stood up and said "Blackfive, our head doorman wants to make a speech"… Evil Glenn popped off "oh, you mean he's going to give us head because he's the head doorman?"… Dead silence… I gave Madfish a look and he gave the same one back… "Oh shit."… Blackfive, who had been drinking since the previous evening, and is an extremely dangerous bastard SOBER stood up, took two big steps over to Evil Glenn and loudly gave him the verbal thrashing of his life... I mean he really jacked Evil Glenn up… ripped him a new ass… Damn…just as I thought it was done… WHACK… a bitch slap across the face to accentuate the point being made.. WHACK… another bitch slap… WHACK… one more bitch slap…Evil Glenn's head was spinning around… his mouth was bleeding… he was crying like a baby… we had to pull Blackfive off him before this got out of hand. Did I mention that we were peeing into a bucket in the back of the bus… I may have pictures of that too...

Well… Evil Glenn decided that we'd had more than enough fun… and ended up giving a bunch of shit to Madfish and Finn the Viking… eventually calmer heads prevailed… actually Harvey jostled Evil Glenn out of there before Madfish and Finn the Viking beat his ass to a pulp… after all who didn't want to exterminate that puppy blending, hobo murdering, kangaroo humping, crappy tatood, pengiun porn watching, satan-worshipping, commie, sailing bastard… but tonight was the Corner of the Bar Gang's night… no killing of Evil Glenn tonight… he get's an undeserved respite… we piled up onto our rental bus to head to Mexico... as well pulled out of the parking lot, Finn the Viking took the bucket, leaned out the side window and poured it over Evil Glenn's head yelling Die, Evil Glenn, Die. By this time it was getting close to four… I get the festivities started up again… imagine 13 big, hammered-beyond-belief, surly-one-minute/happy-the-next Corner of the Bar Gang guys riding down to the border in one bus... yeah you got it... Carnage... surprisingly enough people settled down long enough to cross the border without incident.. but as soon as we got across, we all stuck our heads to the windows… and started screaming the "Kumbayah" song as loud as we could.

Someone went looking for Blackfive… he was face down in a field two blocks down the road… while the rest of us piled back onto the bus and waited for Spatula to come back… since he couldn't get booze at the bar, he ran down to the liquor store and bought booze there… no ID check... Mexico is great, ain't it?

We went back across the border… Kumbayah in full effect… and went to Corpus with the intention of partying at the Ocean Beach Hotel… we still had some excess energy to burn off… so we started scrapping each other in the bus… I had Blackfive in a front facelock and was choking him… so he stuck his thumb in my right eyeball and pushed for all he was worth... while this was going on, I felt this strange pain on the top of my head… so I looked up with my remaining eye and Finn the Viking was head butting me with full force... then the dog pile collapsed… I lost my contact lens.

As we pulled into Corpus… we decided to take a walk up the pier and use the sea breeze to clear our heads… once we got to the end of the pier… it seemed only right that folks strip down to their skivvies and jump into the water… in full view of families with children, tourists and the like... after attracting an extremely large and appreciative crowd with our fun-loving alcoholic water sport shenanigans, we all went running down the pier and down the main drag of Corpus… dripping wet in our Calvin Klein's all the way to the bar... we got in… the head bouncer there used to work with us… and kept drinking various beverages while taking pictures and earning weird looks... Lord Spatula puked all over a table… and Blackfive and Finn the Viking and Harvey tried to rush the stage during the bikini contest… but that's another story for another day... Needless to say… it's two days later… I can't move my right shoulder more than a couple of inches... I'm also blind in my one eye… and can't see out the other (until I get my new contacts)… and have a fat lip with a good gash on the inside.

Remember kids…free booze + excessive testosterone = good times… can't wait to get those pix developed… they'll probably perform a citizen's arrest on me immediately when I show up to get 'em...I wonder if we can get Harvey to share with us the tale of the bikini contest?

Hey, just for the record, I tried posting to Madfish's crappy site about this, and his dog ate my very clever entry...dammit..

Anyway, it went something like this..

DAMMIT Bartender, I thought you said you'd never tell! Now, the wife is reading this and has started chasing me around the house with a rolling pin!...on no...she just read the bit about the bikin contest..*whack*..*OWW!!*...I thought The Bartender could keep a secret!!

Susie: I had a stinking comment tag with a space in it before the > and it messed up everything on the sidebar after the archives. I kept wondering why the recent entries wouldn't show and that's where it was. Anyway, I'm glad it's fixed for you!

Marine Corps

I just read this post over at Straight White Guy. It is about the birth of the Marine Corps that happened in a tavern long ago.

Here is the post in it's entirety:

Tun Tavern Revisited...
228 years ago today, like minded men got together in a bar in Philadelphia. The name of the joint was Tun Tavern, and the year was 1775. After much drinking, political conversation, pinching of the serving wench's buttocks, and a few bar brawls, the gentlemen present created the Marine Corps.

....and Marines around the world continue to follow in the sterling footsteps of their forebearers...

Happy Birthday to ALL of my brothers and sisters!! Semper Fidelis!

Happy Marine Corps Birthday to all the brave men who have fought, lived and died for the precious gift we call Freedom!

Harvey's Madfish Mojo Magic

Harvey has been puttin some kind of freaky mojo magic on the Madfish so he can't get his friggin tips out of the tip jar. For some weird reason, I haven't been able to view the currency pics on his site. Then, this afternoon they just mysteriously showed up again for no apparant reason.

Don't tell him, but I got Fatty Sue to put the reverse mojo hex on his nasty ass to get even with him for all the bad shit he been wishin on me here since lately. That ought ta learn him ta mess around wit da Madfish!

Here are some of the meager scraps Harvey sees fit to leave as tips. If that's all he can scrap together to leave as a tip, I got a tip for him... Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

Gratuitous Linkage

[Via Harvey's post] For the third straight week, the League of Liberals has won sponsorship of the New Blog Showcase. The good news is that they were once again under 100% participation. The bad news is that the Alliance didn't take advantage of that fact, and actually saw its own participation ratio drop a bit.

I hate those friggin guys! They bite the big one... for sure... those cheating bastards!

Anyway, here is some gratuitous linkage for The Alliance members that voted this week!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Yogism
"If the people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication." Lord Byron

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
If she doesn't believe you when you say you have no previous girlfriend, admit to only one and offer: "She was unintelligent, a bad dresser, lousy in bed, couldn't cook, and had warts on her nipples." It also doesn't hurt to add that you like pets, enjoy children, volunteer often, and think, if only the church weren't against the use of condoms, you could have joined the priesthood.

Aimless: "When I need a break from my evil ways, I wander over to Aimless." - Glenn Reynolds

annika's journal: "The force is strong within that young Skywalker chick." - Darth Reynolds

If I missed a quote that you've added since October 26 (and you weren't included in one of the mini-roundups), leave a comment or drop me a line at harvolson@charter.net.

If you still don't have a fake Glenn Reynolds quote on your blog, then you are naughty, and you will be spanked. Unless you like that sort of thing, in which case your punishment will be not getting spanked.

What Drink Are You?

Its a good thing when The Bartender knows what drink you are. That way, when it gets really busy, you just walk up to the bar, pick up your drink, throw down a tip to the bartender, and walk away. Meanwhile, everybody else waiting in line for a drink is looking at you wondering who the hell do you think you are and get your ass in line just like everybody else. Fuck Em, The End.

Evil Glenn Personals Ad

In an effort to try to slow down Evil Glenn, The Alliance has decided to help him find a woman mate. We figure that taking care of his woman mate should take some of his evil time away from him and save the puppies from horrible death by blending. So, here is a personal ad that I worked up to help him find his dream woman mate.

Ode To Evil Glenn

This is the final listing of The Alliance members to complete this assignment and recieve gartutitous linkage! Go over to these people sites and read their odes to Evil Glenn! [There's some pretty good stuff here, really.]

Thanks and a big round of applause to all participants for filling our lives with such joy. If I Harvey missed your entry, or if you spot a typo or a broken link, leave a comment or e-mail Harvey [it's all his fault] directly at harvolson@charter.net.

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

NOTE: If you have any suggestions for future filthy lie assignments please feel free to leave them in the comments here or at The Alliance.

Who Would You Kill?

If you were a writer on the Star Trek TV series, who would you kill off? Why? How?

I would kill off those fuzzy, loveable little tribbles. They were the worst excuse for bad guys ever! And that episode, although always voted as one of the fan favorites, totally sucked. Where was Space Babe Helen for Kirk to hit on for a piece of space ass? Where was Ensign Dead Meat and how did he die? Where was the ugly alien mofo that Kirk kicks the shit out of? I mean... fuck a tribble. What the g-ddamn hell was a tribble anyway? Just a furry piece of crap that could only eat, shit, and fuck. They should have been crushed with a sledge hammer and then beamed out into the cold vaccum of deep space, never to be seen or heard from again. The same goes for that goofy jerk-off who brought the fucking things to the Enterprise in the first place! [In space, no one can hear you scream.] However, in his next appearance, he brought three really hot space babes in really short skirts to the Enterprise for the Captain! So, maybe we give him a pass on beaming him out, but we still smash his balls with the sledge hammer!

Check out these characters and their horrible demises that their fans, and we use this term very loosely, have plotted for them!

Click down to see the current tally of who gets killed and how many times they die a gruesome death!

Then, link on over to the site and read about the various ways Star Trek fans have killed off their least favorite characters! [For some strange reason, Uhura always seems to be involved in a kinky sex scene with Capt Kirk... what's up with that?]

Jokes by Kang A Roo

First Kangaroo: What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?
Second Kangaroo: A centipede with a wooden leg !

First Kangaroo: Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team ?
Second Kangaroo: He took too long to put his boots on !

First Kangaroo: What is worse than an alligator with toothache ?
Second Kangaroo: A centipede with athlete's foot !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot ?
Second Kangaroo: A walkie talkie !

First Kangaroo: What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat ?
Second Kangaroo: A centipede with chilblains !

First Kangaroo: What has 50 legs but cant walk ?
Second Kangaroo: Half a centipede !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a guard with 100 legs ?
Second Kangaroo: A sentrypede !

First Kangaroo: Why was the centipede late ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken ?Second Kangaroo: Enough drumsticks to feed an army !

First Kangaroo: What did one centipede say to the other centipede ?
Second Kangaroo: You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs ....!

Beer Fart

One particular night a couple of years ago while Eric, one of Corner of the Bar Gang, was going to college, he'd been out on a big drunk at Madfish Willie's and we didn't get him to his house until after the bar closed.

He had an early class the next day - a lab to be precise. He managed to drag his sorry ass out of bed and just barely made it to class on time.

The lab he was in that day had wooden seats and was very uncomfortable. Halfway through the lab Eric started nodding out, chin bouncing off his chest as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He finally laid his head down on the desk in front of him, drool running out the side of his mouth and puddling on the desk as he drifted off into sleepyland.

All of a sudden he awoke to the sound of an explosive fart. He looked around and started laughing along with everybody else. Then he realized everybody was looking at him and laughing.

Eric was the one that farted while he was asleep and he woke himself up.

What a dumb-ass! I guess that taught him to stay home and study instead of out galavanting around when he had school the next day!

heh..I guess that just goes to show you that going to Madfish Willie's will corrupt your mind AND you body...now, after this post, I think the drinks are on YOU for a change...and I'll have a Scotch and Water...heh!

www [dot] margilowry [dot] com

As you may have noticed, I am constantly poking around in the code and messing my blog up! I like poking around... all kinds of places!

I think that the aesthetics of a blog are part of the appeal to readers. Now granted, mine is not the prettiest blog in the blogosphere I do try to add some neat coding and buttons and bells and whistles to make it a more inviting [and I hate this term] experience for my readers [bowfem].

As I go to other sites and see stuff I like, I try to find out how to do it for my site by looking at source code and then jacking around in my code. That works well enough with Blog*Spot, but not too good with MT. So, I am usually relegated to begging asking the blogger for help and advice.

One of the site's I think has a great visual appeal, as well as content, is As I See It.. or www [dot] margilowry [dot] com. She has a really cool set up. Comments that expand inside the entry body. Expanding and collapsing extended entries. Cool graphics and backgrounds. Hover links using the overline and underline tags. Non-standard separators between the stuff and the thingys on the posted by line. I've asked her on more than one occasion how she did this or did that and she jumps right on it and gives me back a really nice e-mail explaining how or where. She's just the best!

Anyway, I thought it would be appropriate to give her some public kudos for all her help and assistance. At least my stuff can look nice, even if it is just a big ol' pile of crap!

THANKS MARGI!

Now, everybody run over to her site and let's give her a Willie-Lanche [or just drop off a six-pack or bottle of tequila]!

UPDATE: I forgot to tell you guys this, but Margi is one fine looking lady!

Barkeep, not to be off-topic or anything, but can we expect a CotBG and CotBB blogroll on the sidebar anytime soon?. It'd make it easier for me to make up bullshit stories about your low-rent booze-house if I could keep the characters straight.

Harvey: If you click the link at the top of the page that says Corner of the Bar Gang or the link that says Corner of the Bar Babes they will take to the original post and it lists everyone. I'm still waiting for my old posts to be imported over here so I can re-link everything and categorize it here. That way you could follow the whole CoBB / CoBG saga from the category archives.

Friday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to love,
The only fire against which there is no insurance."

Yogism
"You can't think and hit at the same time."

Quotes on Drinking:
"I envy people who drink, at least they know what to blame everything on." Oscar Levant

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
The quirky perfect gift that shows you've been listening is worth twice the value of anything you can find at Tiffany's.
Of course, it doesn't hurt if the quirky perfect gift happens to be from Tiffany's.
Gifts that may be quirky but never perfect: a blender, a beater, a vacuum cleaner, or a waffle iron.

New Blog Showcase

My the everything else category vote goes to Rocket Penguin. I linked this post: Who Da Pope! after he first wrote it about a month ago. I liked it then, I like it now. Here is an excerpt fromhis list of objectives as Pope:

I will abolish grape juice for the whole communion thing. Come one you've got to sit through a few hours of church. The least the church can do is give you a real shot. The blood of Christ should really pack more of a kick than grape juice. I've never actually been to catholic church so if it's not grape juice, I'll see your wine and raise you tequila.

The goal of political correctness is to make everyone feel safe and comfortable, and the cardinal sin in PC world is to "offend" or "alienate" somebody. However, this just doesn't work. Realistically, if the entire world was politically correct, we would have to live in a pluralistic, omniracial, androgynous society where nobody could use adjectives or make any statements implying the superiority of something.

The Catholic church has always been adept at taking the local customs they couldn't surpress and making them it's own. So I think each communion shot should be regional. Tequila for the south of the border catholics, Poteen (pronounced poiCheen) for the Irish, wine for the italians etc...
Anyway, you got my vote too Ross :)

Two More Beers, Please

Linda at Civilization Calls, a Corner of the Bar Babe (who has not posted her logo by the way) has blogrolled a couple of new bloggers. I found a link over to the spaceman's blog Spacecraft. He has a archive category for Beer. So, natually I clicked through to see what he's up to with space beer. [In space, there is no beer!]

Dr Phil's Test

Below is Dr. Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah-she got a 38.) Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out. Read on, this is very interesting!

Don't be overly sensitive! The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes. Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends.

The person who sent it placed their score in the subject box. Please do the same before forwarding to your friends. (send it back to the person who sent it to you)

Don't peek but begin the test as you scroll down and answer. Answers are for who you are now...... not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil and paper ready. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. It's only 10 simple questions, so...... grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers.

Make sure to change the subject of the e-mail to read YOUR total. When you are finished, forward this to everyone you know, and also send it to the person who sent this to you. Make sure to put YOUR score in the subject box. Ready??

1. When do you feel your best?
a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon & and early evening
c) late at night

2. You usually walk...
a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast, head down
e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you...
a) stand with your arms folded
b) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with...
a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) your legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...
a) big appreciated laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...
a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue or purple
f) white
g) brown or gray

9. When you are in! bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep....
a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self- centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Susie: This was quiz from an e-mal from one of my old employees, not a Quizilla thingy, hence no pics. But if you must have a pic, I'll find something you can post... maybe a picture of yellowdog or harold?

The screen drips blood when a cluster of space-based energy systems is attacked by giant insects in a heavily armored Battle Star. Captain Cherry Rambling weasels the arrogant attackers into withdrawl while drinking vodka and playing Russian Roulette with The Michagander and loaded phasers, saving a bullet riddled escape pod from being auctioned out to Stevie as scrap metal.

Finally, after a string of painfully obnoxious ads for Brylcreem, Tom's ass waxing and Kinko the Clown, the ship's jock, Tiger, stand around the voyeur-cam and look at the Heather's trashy fishnet stockings, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Publious & Co.

After the show, the resident groupies go to The Blather Review for some laughs and a little shade. Everyone is blissfully dreaming and the Pepperoni Pizzazz's bum-covered sidewalk is a great place.

The screen drips blood when a cluster of space-based energy systems is attacked by giant insects in a heavily armored Battle Star. Captain Janeway weasels the arrogant attackers into withdrawl while drinking vodka and playing Russian Roulette with loaded phasers, saving a bullet riddled escape pod from being auctioned out as scrap metal.

Finally, after a string of painfully obnoxious ads for Brylcreem, ass waxing and Kinko the Clown, the ship's jocks stand around the voyeur-cam and look at the Borg Queen's trashy fishnet stockings, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Flipper.

After the show, the resident groupies go to The Palace for some laughs and a little shade. Everyone is blissfully dreaming and the bum-covered sidewalk is a great place.

I've browsed the rules and contest outline, and if it's anywhere near the quality of work that Don does with his blog writing, it's sure to be a Home Run! it looks like a real interesting project with blogger participation in the voting and possiblities galore for skill, daring and knowledge (not to mention cunning behind the scenes deal making and sabotage)! Go check it out and keep an eye and ear open for more announcements regarding the final blog site, rules, contestants, etc.

You Ask, Susie Questions

I have had a bad haircut since last year and Am upset. When I went to the hair dresser I ask to style it but I told her my fronts got uneven and she told me I have callous hair... So I cant spike it up and my fronts aren't even. She told me to gorw it but I have since oct and all I get is my hair grown in the back and sides and not the front. what do I do? how long should it take to grow? is their any way u can help?

I have had a bad haircut since last year and Am upset. When I went to the hair dresser I ask to style it but I told her my fronts got uneven and she told me I have callous hair... So I cant spike it up and my fronts aren't even. She told me to gorw it but I have since oct and all I get is my hair grown in the back and sides and not the front. what do I do? how long should it take to grow? is their any way u can help?

An Ode To Glenn Reynolds

Well, there's no way I could produce anything like what Susie did in an Ode to Glenn Reynolds. Instead, I chose to cheat and Google for my entry. I came across this little gem that gives one possible explanation for puppy blending and not kitty blending!

The Trouble With Thor

How I Met Finn the Viking

A crowd of us were down to this club late one night - all plastered. This particular place stayed open later than the others because it passed itself off as a restaurant. If you ordered a drink you had to order something to eat. So I had my slice of pizza and beer, trying to hold on to both of them at the same time and I started talking to this guy I bumped into. He was about 6" 6' and not far from 300 pounds of solid muscle. He must have been mental too because he was showing me his hands and telling me he'd killed people before and that he was Finn the Viking in another life. Leave it to me to find people like this. While he was telling me all this, the topping slide off my pizza and stuck to the leg of his pants. So I threw the beer back and got the fuck out of there before I became his next victim. I saw him later that night down at Madfish Willie's. He recognized me from the restaurant and walked towards me. Oh, shit! I'm gonna die right here, right now. I looked for some help to deal with this walking mountain of a man. "OK," I said to the Corner of The Bar Gang, "you hit him high, I'll hit him low, and we'll dogpile him so he doesn't kill everybody before we can get the cops." As he drew closer, me heart was pounding through my chest and the adrenaline starting coursing through my veins. I thought for sure the end was near. He was right up on me. But instead of beating me to a bloody pulp, he streched his hand out in friendship. "Dude, I'm Finn the Viking, why did you run off like that? I was gonna buy you another slice of pizza for accidentally knocking that piece out of your hand." To my, and the Corner of The Bar Gang's relief, we have been lifelong buddies ever since.
Bullshit so far »

Now, I know I am not a member of the blogging community, but a little tip my way for the nomenclature, perhaps? Or at least gimme a nice blended frou-frou drink... or maybe a sloe gin fizz?

Bartender, I'm buying for my girl Ethne, here. She and I have been longtime partners in...(insert legally questionable activity here)...and you just mix her whatever she likes. She knew me back when I was still called "Hooligan", AND she's the one who coined the term, "Finn the Viking". She's been with us through it all--our wedding, plotting playgrounds for our little girl with pirate ships and trebuchets...she sends us virtual cannoli, and she is ONE TOUGH CHICKIE.

Besides, I'll put the logo up on my site if you do...Linda tries her sweetest smile.

What? Why is everybody running away? What? Come back! I just wanted to get loaded with my girlfrend, here!

OK Linda, just 'cause you say it's so... ONE nice blended frou-frou drink for Ethne. Plus I'll blogroll her under Non-Alcoholic Beer and do a post next week (you remind me about the post). Tell her to ger ready for a Willie-lanche, all three hits!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the man who is wisest and best,
Here's to the man who with judgment is blest.
Here's who's as smart as he can be -
I mean the man who agrees with me!"

Yogism
"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
Less than .05 percent of the male population is attractive enough to ignore chivalry, and most women over the age of twenty-five prefer to admire such men from a distance.

Bonfire of The Vanities

I even see an entry for Venomous Kate! Has anyone ever used the Psuedodictionary? It's a funny as hell deal when you put together an entire post and scatter a bunch of the terminology throughout it. Kate seems to get a lot of milage out of it ever time she does one.

Go over and read the Bonfire entries and especially read Kate's entry!

Google Freak

Hey... I told you about my Google Freak that is always searching lion sleeps tonight with different combinations of other words...

Well, go check out my referral logs in my site meter! The freak has 9 searches already today! I mean, what is with that?

I just checked the details on the referral log and they are all different IP addresses... so, can anyone tell me what the fjuck... is this one person searching... or a whole friggin group looking for something... if it's one person, you would think they would have found what they were looking for on my site by now... or would have at least bookmarked it so they wouldn't have to do the search every time... weird... just plain weird.

personally, I'm blaming on all those damn ghosts you got floating around here. What are they, anyhow? The disgruntled spirits of people who killed themselves after hearing one too many of your horrid jokes?

Research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario.

What they will see are the nine dolphins.

Additional note: This is a test to determine if you already have a corrupted mind. If it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 6 seconds, your mind is indeed corrupted.

Ok.... look at her crotch..... the V is the tail of one, start at the V and follow it down along her left leg. Look at the space between her right arm and her head, the tail is on her neck, follow it up. Look at her left hip, follow the shaded part down, it's another one, and on his shoulder..... see them now?

Okay, I looked before I read your caveat. I saw the man and woman, then, after a few seconds saw a dolphin. "Wierd." I thought, "that looks like a dolphin." Then I rwad the paragraph that mentioned nine dolphins and went back. "Holy crap!" I exclaimed silently, There be dolphins aplenty! Even his and her face are defined by dolphins!" Yeah, I scream in my mind a lot.

Gratuitous Linkage

These are The Alliance members that voted in The New Blog Showcase last week. Harvey is trying to encourage aal alliance members to vote so we can regain the sponsorship for the hated League of Liberals. So I am going with Harvey's lead in case we don't have a total duplication of readers.

If you see a link to a site you haven't read before, go on over and take a look. If, it's not your bottle of beer, don't go back.

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May we have more and more friends,
And need them less and less."

Yogism
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."

Quotes on Drinking:
"One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough." James Thurber

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
An unsolicited kiss is to a woman as free playoff tickets are to a man.
Even better: flowers on days that aren't Valentine's Day, anniversaries, or birthdays.
Speaking of flowers, they are most effective when delivered to her workplace.

Hunting The Halloween Snark

Venomous Kate has the Halloween Edition of the Snark Hunt posted. Her weekly Snark Hunt was one of the first things I read regularly in the blogosphere. It always has some funny stuff and this week is no exception. After you're finished reading the rest of MY STUFF, come back up here a slink over to Electric Venom!

Preliminary Logo

All the Corner of the Bar Babes have been asking for a logo to put on their site. I was jacking arounf the other night and decided to see if I could design a half decent one. So, here is the first logo I designed for you. Let me know of anything you think might make it better and how it looks on your site!

Go ahead and download and put on your server if you want to use it. I can revise it to include any feedback I get from anyone!
Bullshit so far »

It's lovely, but if your vision is blurry, it looks like two boobies what gravity has been mean to.
Or is my monitor just being way too reflective again?

The Adventures of Madfish Willie

The Big No-Sleep

A good drinking buddy, Blackfive, and I were in Madfish Willie's having some drinks on a Thursday night after work. We proceeded to get smashed and at the end of the night we decided to see how many days we could stay loaded AND awake. (I wouldn't recommend anyone trying this as it has its consequences, especially for the inexperienced drinker.) Anyway, we went to Susie's house after Madfish Willie's closed and drank all night long.

Blackfive and I were back at Madfish Willie's when it opened Friday morning. We were still very loaded, but awake. We stayed in Madfish Willie's drinking all day Friday and Friday Night till it closed up. I think someone gave us a bunch of really strong caffeine pills and we sort of "drank ourselves sober" at some point." We got a couple of twelve packs of beer 'to go' when we left Madfish Willie's Friday night for insurance.

We were STILL de termined not to "give up" on our Quest. I think by that time we thought we were on the verge of setting some sort of record.

It all got foggy for both of us between Friday night and Saturday morning. I do think we went to a couple of parties at Linda and Dana (America's #1 Pin Up Girl) and drove God knows where with who during the night still boozing it up. Amazingly, neither of us was ready (or able) to "give up." Somehow we made it back to Madfish Willie's (before it opened) and Jennifer was so shocked to see us there waiting for her to open up.

We staggered inside the dark bar (it had no windows) and ordered up drinks again. We were chasing our beer with Peppermint schnapps by then to sooth our aching stomachs. I must say at this point we were shit faced drunk, ragged looking and really in a fog. It was, in retrospect, almost a eligious experience. We drank thru the day and tried to play pool as best we could. We bull shitted everyone about every subject under the sun. I think Jennifer didn't throw us out because she didn't want to be the one to spoil our record breaking drunk. Besides, we were acquainted with her quite well. The crowd picked up and I decided to start buying Tequila shots for everyone there, in an attempt to put them in the same shape as us. It worked, as we watched everyone just melt from the continuous shots. The place started rocking and getting loud. I think there was even a fight or two.

At some point, Blackfive and I gazed up at the clock on the wall and seeing it was 1:30 we AGAIN ordered 2 twelve packs of beer "to go." This time it was for self-preservation on Sunday.

We told Jennifer that we were sorry to have to end our drunken Quest but we knew it was closing time. She looked at us and starting laughing uncontrollably. We didn't think closing time was very funny and ask her what the hell she was laughing about. We made quite a stir about her laughing at us and we got very belligerent and angry. She told both of us to go to the door and open it and look outside. We figured the Police were outside to arrest us.

We both went to the door and opened it, just knowing we were gong to jail. THE SUN LIGHT ALMOST BLINDED BOTH OF US! IT WAS 1:30 PM IN THE AFTERNOON not 1:30 AM. Blackfive and I staggered back to our barstools and laughed till we cried. We just couldn't stop laughing! In fact, the whole Corner of the Bar Gang and the Corner of the Bar Babes and everyone else in Madfish Willie's was laughing too!!

I still think it was the longest laugh I ever had. It was like we had been in a time warp and had gotten an entire day given back to us.

P.S. We both fell asleep in Madfish Willie's a few hours later and someone drove us home. It was absolutely the worst hangover I ever had but I'll always remember that Big Laugh we had.

And I blame the Bartender for this one. Matty O'Blackfive & I are both prior military, and, as all prior military will tell you, a proper clock has 24 hours on it. Any time you see 1:30, that means the bar is about to close.

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to you and here's to me,
Friends may we always be!
But, if by chance we disagree,
Up yours! Here's to me!"

Yogism
"Little League Baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets."

Quotes on Drinking:
"When I have one martini, I feel bigger, wiser, taller. When I have the second, I feel superlative. When I have more, there's no holding me." William Faulkner

Things A Man Should Know:About Women:
Women, despite all your years of trying to understand them, including your intimate familiarity with Freudian psychology, the occasional intelligence- gathering glance at Cosmo, and the memorization of these seventy-three things a man should know about them, will always remain a mystery.

The Champagne Room

It was Friday afternoon and it had been a long hard week at work. I had also been dumped by my girlfriend for an investment banker from New York. I was driving home when I decided to stop at the store to rent a movie. I was tense and I decided to get an X-Rated movie. I got something I normally would not have, a bondage film. I left and went home and started watching the film and was completely
aroused. My member stood at full attention during the movie. Men were being dominated and whipped into frenzy by beautiful Mistresses. At the end of the movie there was a phone number to call if you would like to experience such sexual pleasure. I was so excited, that I called right away. I got a sweet voiced woman named Jenny. She said that they would start me off on something very gentle, but boy was that a lie. So they gave me directions to a ranch type place about 70 miles away. I drove there as quick as I could, I could hardly stand the excitement, I came in my pants on the way there.

I got there and drove down to the entrance and got out and went in. Jenny was at the desk and said have a seat for a few minutes. So I waited and in about 10 minutes a red-headed perfect 10 woman named Susan came and took me in a small room and she said you must wait here 2 hours to see if you can stand the torture you will receive. Before I could say anything, she stripped me of my clothes, chained my hands to restraints hanging from the ceiling, chained my leggs to the floor, and gagged and blindfolded me.

I thought what have I gotten into as I heard her close the door. I stood there in pain for what seemed like eternity, and finally someone came in and unchained me and put handcuffs on my hands and feet and took me to another room. There I was introduced to Mistress Andrea. She ordered me on my knees, and instructed me to address her as Mistress Andrea, and only when asked to do so. I did as she said and she took off my gagg and blindfold. She then said I am going to turn you into a woman.

She told me to lie flat and she shaved all the hair from my legs, arms, and chest. She then put a corset on me that was so tight I could hardly breathe. She put breast inserts in my corset and then took the whip and hit me really hard across the ass, she said just a taste of what you'll get if you resist. By this time my dick was rock hard, she said I see that and if it goes off before I wish you
will get a beating you'll never forget. She then gave me a pair of fishnet hose and ordered me to put them on. I put them on and tried to fasten them to the garters, and she whipped me once more for taking so long. Then she took a butt-plug and shoved it in my ass. Then she put me in a special chair and strapped my neck to the top as well as my arms and leggs. She then put long fingernails on my hands and painted them red. She also put makeup on my face. I wanted to resist, but for some reason I was really enjoying it. She then put a brown long wig on me. She put a pair of 5 inch stilleto black heels on my feet and unchained me and put a leash on my neck and put me in a straight jacket and chained my feet. She said I'm going to take a break for a while, Susan is going to chain you to the bed and suck your dick, If you come I will beat you so don't come. I thought oh shit I was already about to cumm now.

Susan took the straight jacket off and chained my hands and feet to the bed as tight as she could. Susan asked me how gullible I could be to believe that this would be easy and not rough, but before I could answer, she stuck a vibrator the shape of a dick in my mouth and get used to it, you will have to do that next. She put a mask over my head to hold the vibrator in place, and put nipple clipps on my nipples under the pressure of the corset ouch!!

She then said I never get to whip anyone and she took the whip and struck me on the thighs till I was about to die. She then begin sucking my dick and it was about to burst, I shot forth in a blasting like motion, and I thought oh no more pain. She continued to suck and I continued to cumm. My whole body was shaking.

Then Mistress Andrea walked in and said I was in big trouble now. She took Susan and chained her to the wall and said I'll let him deal with you you were only supposed to suck his dick. She put me on a wheel and I was still masked and still had the vibrator in my mouth, she chained my midsection,hands,and feet and started turning the wheel, and I became dizzy very quickly. She then started whipping me with a long leather whip with knots at the ends of the strands. She hit me several times across the legs, and the louder I screamed the harder she hit. Remember I am still wearing the corset, mask, vibrator, butt plug, nipple clips, stockings and heels, so when the whip hit and I squirmed it made all those things intensly painful. She then stopped the wheel, put me on it backwards, so she could whip my ass. She beat me till I nearly bled.

She finally got tired and let me down and untied me, I came out of that gettup and took Andrea and Susan who were wearing latex bodysuits with open nipples and crotches, and shoved a vibrator up each of their asses and chained them both to the restraits hanging from the ceiling, and gagged and masked them both, I still had on the corset, stockings, and heels, I kinda liked the way they felt. I whipped them both. They were screaming with pleasure, then I shoved my rock hard member into their dripping wet pussys, I started with Susan and banged her hard, she cried for me to stop, but I gave her more, and I did the same to Andrea. So when all was done, I told them I would let them go on one condition, that they be my slaves, and so they are, and I punish them if they misbehave.

I told you not to come in here... didn't I! I just love girls named Andrea for some strange reason...

Googling for Dollars

I've been looking throught the referrer logs to see what people are searching for when they run across Madfish Willie's. Some of this crap is too funny. How does one associate these search terms with my site? Plus there is one anal retentive guy that is stuck on "lion sleeps tonight" - every day, two or three hits for that search term. I wonder... what's up with that?

Here are terms that people google and yahoo search and Madfish Willie's is returned as a hit:

And The Winner Is...

First of all, I would like to say Thank You to all the bloggers who submitted a recipe for this contest. There were many fine recipes, and I will have some fun testing many of these out personally. It was a really tough job to narrow the list down to the Top Ten for final voting.

Acidman wins a bottle of his favorite liquor for submitting this recipe:

Gut Rumble
Make your own moonshine.
Distill it on the back porch and catch it in Mason jars.
Put a quart of that skullbuster in the freezer for a day or two.
Remove jar and pour two fingers of that cold likker into a clear glass.
Drink it down all at once.
Enjoy the fire in the belly, the tingle in the toes and the feeling of your hair standing on end.
Repeat as necessary until you are face-down on the floor,
or arrested for running around nekkid and howling at the moon.

Acidman actively campaigned his readers to come over and Vote, and they did, resulting in what I'm told by Straight White Guy as an Acidbath. He sent over 350-400 visitors to my site! Three cheers for Acidman!

For a look at the complete Blogger Recipe list go here. I'll update this list so it will be easier to view. If I get enough secondary recipes in the comments, I'll run another voting for the same prize!
Bullshit so far »

Jokes From Mom

My mom gets all these stupid jokes and crap in e-mail from one of her friends.

I saw this over at Aimless Forrest and it gave me a chance to post my mom's joke and get it off my computer.

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:

MENtal illness

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown

MENopause

GUYnecologist

When we have REAL trouble, it's aHISterectomy.Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.Send this to all the men just to annoy them.

Madfish Willie's Costume Contest & Clusterfuck

It was a dark and stormy night…Well, it was nighttime, and the rain was pouring down on our heads like a cow peeing on a flat rock. Lightning bolts blasting through the black night followed closely by the thunderous booms of the cracked sound barrier. It was a great night for a Halloween Party at Madfish Willie's. The whole gang was coming down - the Corner of the Bar Gang, the Corner of the Bar Babes, all the Munuvians and various other assorted fruitcakes, kooks, and freaks of nature. After all, the Madfish Willie's Halloween Party, Costume Contest, and Clusterfuck was the biggest party of the year - even bigger than New Years Eve.

Harvey and Blackfive were the first to arrive. I almost didn't recognise them, except I could always tell Harvey by his big ole clown feet. He wore the big red clown shoes all year round - and he was always tripping and falling down and shit. Harvey was dressed as the Scarecrow with straw coming out of his shirt sleeves and pant legs a hollowed out pumpkin on his head. [He really needs a heart, too]

"Dam, Harvey doesnt that smell like shit after a while?" Blackfive asked.

Blackfive was a Rodeo Clown. The whole clown face thing and a polka dot long sleeved shirt, and blue long johns under a pair of big old baggy knee length shorts, held up by red suspenders. He was wearing an old beat up crushed straw cowboy hat to top it off.

Next to arrive was Finn the Viking who was dressed as… you guessed it, a Viking Warrior. He was wearing one of those Viking helmets with the big horns sticking out the sides like you see at the football games. Long, flowing blonde hair and carrying a giant norse broadsword. Heavy animal skins draped his massive shoulders. He was accompanied by his beautiful and scantily clad red-haired wench, Linda.

Following them into the party were a bunch of bloggers in their great, costumed characters:

Frank J - came as a Fucking Hippy with tie-died shirt with a peace sign on the front, matching head scarf, tattered dirty jeans with holes in the ass and half torn off patches on the knees, dark aviator sunglasses and a goddamn white daisy flower in his filthy fucking hair – and boy did he stink!;

SilverBlue - the Red Skelton Hobo with really heavy make-up – he maybe went a little overboard on that - but he smelled like booze and vomit, real nasty, and had bags under his bloodshot eyes;

Lord Spatula I - Bad Ass Biker Dude in boots, chains, no shirt, black leather vest and chaps, or maybe he was some type of S&M guy, who knows;

Tuning Spork - He didn’t have a name for his costume. He wore what looked like a commode made of Styrofoam with the lid up. It had the tank on the back, with a roll of toilet paper on a roller on the side of the tank, a vase of flowers and a newspaper on the top of the tank with his head sticking out the center of the bowl! We didn’t know what to call him, so we named him Shithead!

Stevie - Father Guido Sarducci with black robe, white priest collar, across hanging from his neck and a black short-brimmed hat. And a King James Version Holy Bible.

Cherry - French Maid with short black skirt, black blouse with plunging, and I do mean plunging neckline and little white apron, thigh high black hose with the line up the back and 4” black come fuck me pumps;

Well we were partying our ass off and drinking way too much, especially Blackfive who keeps ordering 6 beers at a time. Damn, how the fuck can he keep drinking like that and still stand up? Lots o’ practice… I guess.

About midnight, we ran our costume contest. We turned up the house lights, and turned off the house music. Everyone in costume gets on the dance floor and walks around in a circle while the judges select the best contestants for a yell-off to determine the winner of the $500.00 cash prize! We play all the cool Halloween tunes like Monster Mash, Thriller, and the rest of kind of crap. Then, we picked what we thought were the best costumes and actors playing the part.

The judges picking the Best Costumes were Harvey, Blackfive, Misha (because nobody's gonna give him any shit if they don't like our choices), and me, Madfsih Willie (shit I goota learnd how spill me name wright).

We cleared the dance floor of the other contestants and bought them each a beer. Then as we called each finalist out the crowd cheered for their favorite costume. Each blogger stepped forward to thunderous appluse and great shouting. When each contestant stepped forward, the cheers just got louder and louder. Back and forth and back and forth.

It was such a close vote that we couldn't decide! And we gotta give the prizes away! What to do?

I'm gonna give you the chance to tell me who should win the costume contest. Vote in the poll in my sidebar until Monday night. Tuesday morning we'll announce the winner!