Guest Contributors

‘United States of Trump’ would be a great Netflix series

By JENNIFER OH

I fully admit when House of Cards came out on a cold February Friday, I watched the first episode and was hooked. Telling myself the lie — just one more episode — turned into an all-out binge watching session.

Frank Underwood, absent of a moral compass, sucked me in to see how low he could go. I’m truly terrified to say that I would rather have Frank Underwood as our next President than Donald Trump.

Between building a huge wall, banning Muslims, not accepting the outcome of the election unless he wins, and the outright misogyny towards women, Trump even scares some members of the GOP. A part of me wants to feel bad for the Republican Party, but let’s face it, Trump is a monster all of their own making. In so many ways, Trump is exactly what the Republicans epitomize; but like a science experiment gone awry, they’ve lost control of their monstrous creation causing unintended consequences.

Assuming we wake up on Nov. 9 with Hillary as our newly elected President, I have a solution to keep Trump happy in his delusional world.

I propose the Netflix executives create an original Netflix show where Trump plays the character of President of the United States and all of his loyal voters will play citizens on the show. It’s a win-win solution. Trump gets to think he’s President of the United States and all of the people that voted for him get to have him as their “President.” The first season will take place in eastern Texas.

I have no doubt there is a strong Trump contingent in eastern Texas — where one can visit their local greasy spoon/gun shop and buy a shotgun without a background check while enjoying a grits and sausage breakfast; virtually every Trump supporter’s wet dream. But hurricanes, tornados, and floods are also commonplace there as well. The first few episodes of the show will be devoted to character introductions and plot development.

As many Trump supporters fervently side with his policies on immigration, Obamacare, the military, and climate change, it only seems fair to create story lines that match. Of course, Trump’s first order of business would be nuking the Middle East. Naturally, the Trump Show citizens will line up to join the military if they’re not already enlisted to help defeat the Middle East.

After starting World War III, the complete privatization of healthcare comes next. Goodbye Medicare. Doctors, graduates from Trump School of Medicine, will only treat patients able to pay upon services rendered.

As the first season progresses, a food shortage occurs, as there are no illegal immigrants to harvest produce or process inexpensive factory farm meat. Just as the food crisis is starting to worry residents, a hurricane will hit eastern Texas followed by tornados and flooding. Due to climate change being a hoax, there will be no emergency funds set aside to help those displaced.

Towards the end of the season, a Supreme Court case will play out regarding what constitutes sexual harassment and assault. A female plaintiff chooses to challenge the law that allows men to grab and grope women whenever and wherever they please. Unfortunately for the female plaintiff, the Justices appointed by Trump himself will uphold the Brock Turner Entitlement Law. Season One ends with Trump announcing the Supreme Court decision over live broadcast and thanking the Justices for upholding a cornerstone law. Shortly after, Putin will release a statement expressing his praise and admiration towards Trump as such a powerful leader.

Meanwhile, the Hillary voters can tune in every Sunday evening for another installment in the greatest black comedy ever known to mankind.

For those thinking I should feel some empathy for the poor citizens of the United States of Trump, I say, “choices have consequences.” Should you desire a misogynistic, delusional megalomaniac as your Commander in Chief, you deserve everything you have coming to you.