Ahh, I haven't checked this topic in a long while so I was overjoyed to see new material. Thanks Thunder, just what I needed to brighten up my day!

I'm guessing that if some network was smart enough to know the potential they have here, the series would reveal that Soma met her mysterious boyfriend while he was passing out anti-A-HOLES literature and that CB's public image is one of those tract-printing companies or some sort of non-profit (dunno, maybe they hide their Gundams in the basement). I'm trying to imagine what kind of work environment that would be... Let's see now, the Trinity would probably be the neighborhood kids Sergei and Holly are always complaining about to the town council, Patrick would be the guy who keeps coming up with elaborate and ultimately futile plans to gain fame, fortune or a stable career to impress his Taisa (can't let him succeed until the series finale obviously) and... I've run out of remotely funny ideas. Whatever, I had a blast reading your pilot script and whatever else you do next, whenever it comes out, I'll be looking forward to it.

Okay, I've put this off long enough. I wanted to release this all at once, but it's getting large and unwieldy and I'm being lazy about finishing it, so I've finally decided to release in chunks. This was intended as my first (well, second or third, maybe) and last word about Gundam 00 in this format, so I wanted it all done in one installment. But, I've put off finishing this monster off for too long and thusly...HERE!

-

(We open in the hallway of an apartment building. LASSE AEON, FELDT GRACE, and MILEINA VASHTI all stand outside a door, leaning against a wall, all looking bored. Finally, Lasse leans forward and moves towards the door.)

LASSE: Okay, I’m knocking again.

MILEINA: (Puffs out her cheeks) It’s RUDE to knock more than three times, Aeon-san.

LASSE: Since when?

MILEINA: (Wags her finger) It’s just good manners.

LASSE: Says who?

MILEINA: (To Feldt) “Says who”, he says. It’s common sense!

LASSE: What? Please. I’m going to knock again.

MILEINA: Only do so if you’re comfortable being seen as boorish and uncouth.

LASSE: (Not swayed) I reckon I am. And those two words mean the same thing.

MILEINA: Fine then! But we should at least gently warn Ms. Sumeragi that we’re going to knock again!

LASSE: Hugggh, fine. I’ll-

MILEINA: (Flails wildly) No-no-no! Not you! Someone with a gentler voice, like Feldt!

LASSE: Feldt doesn’t talk.

FELDT: Yes I do. I’m just quiet. Being quiet does not mean I don’t talk.

(We see BILLY KATAGIRI walking down the hall towards them. Behind him is a blond man with a distinct burn scar covering half his face- GRAHAM AKER.)

BILLY: (Waves) Oh, hello. You guys beat us here.

GRAHAM: (Narrows eyes) Yes, it ill-becomes us to come in second, Katagiri.

BILLY: (Sighs) Shut up.

(Mileina and Feldt produce friendly smiles for Billy, but Lasse just eyes him and Graham suspiciously.)

FELDT: Good day, Mr. Katagiri.

BILLY: (Pleasantly) Hello, Feldt. Mileina. Uh…

(Billy looks to Lasse, but can’t seem to remember his name.)

BILLY: (Tentatively) Laaaaaaaa….

LASSE: Lasse.

BILLY: Lasse! Yes, that was it! How are you?

(Billy extends his hand, but Lasse ignores it and looks past Billy to Graham.)

LASSE: What’s HE doing here?

(Billy pushes his glasses up awkwardly.)

BILLY: Oh, he’s invited too.

LASSE: I find THAT hard to believe.

GRAHAM: (Smirks and closes his eyes) I was simply destined to appear at this time and place. It was fate.

LASSE: Yah-huh. (Looks to Billy) Anyhoo, we were hoping you had a key to Sumeragi’s apartment.

BILLY: (Annoyed) No. I don’t.

LASSE: (Smugly) Oh YEAH. You guys aren’t “like that”. I should have remembered. How boorish and uncouth of me.

MILEINA: (Wags her finger) Those two words mean the same thing.

LASSE: Be quiet!

BILLY: Did you try knocking?

FELDT: Yes. We tried it several times. Upon the failure of the third time, we decided that a different approach was needed. (Hands Billy a datapad) It’s all here in this log.

(Lasse rolls up his sleeves.)

LASSE: Stand back! Time for a real man to show everyone how to solve problems!

(Lasse just rears back and kicks the door down. Mileina and Billy look aghast.)

MILEINA: Aeon-san!

BILLY: I hope you intend to fix that for her.

LASSE: (Shrugs) Meh.

(Everyone walks into Sumeragi’s apartment, looking around. Feldt sticks her head in a room.)

FELDT: She’s over here in the kitchen.

(Everyone walks into the kitchen. Beer and liquor bottles lie scattered on the floor. SUMERAGI LEE NORIEGA lies sprawled on her back across the kitchen table, Peter Griffin-style.)

SUMERAGI: (Looks up) Yo.

BILLY: (Sighs) Kujou, really. Are you drunk?

SUMERAGI: Nah. I’m just tired cuz’ I was up all night drinkin’.

BILLY: C’mon, we have to get going.

(Feldt and Mileina help Sumeragi up and move out of the kitchen with her.)

FELDT: We’ll get her presentable.

(The girls leave Billy, Lasse, and Graham in the kitchen.)

BILLY: So, the others are meeting us there?

LASSE: (Nods) Mileina’s parents already left early. But Setsuna and the others will be meeting up with-

(Graham suddenly looks up, staring at Lasse.)

GRAHAM: What did you just say?

BILLY: (Worried) Graham…

LASSE: (Confused) Mileina’s parents left early?

GRAHAM: No, after that.

BILLY: Graham.

LASSE: Setsuna and the others will-

GRAHAM: (His eyes go wide) Set…suna.

(Billy steps back a little, holding his hands up.)

BILLY: Graham, calm down.

GRAHAM: (Slowly) Setsuna…is…that young man…and that…young man…is…

BILLY: (Keeps stepping back) Oh Christ, here we go…

GRAHAM: -GUNDAM!!!

(Graham abruptly picks up a nearby chair and chucks it at Lasse.)

LASSE: (Barely ducks) WHA-??

GRAHAM: (Screams) GUNDAM!

(Graham turns and sweeps everything off a kitchen counter, spilling jars and utensils all over the floor.)

GRAHAM: GUNDAM!!!

(As Billy and Lasse quickly move out of the way, Graham runs over to the refrigerator, opens it, and begins pulling everything out of it and onto the floor. He grabs a new carton of milk, BITES a hole in the top, then pours it over his head.)

GRAHAM: (Hollers) GUNNNNNNN-DAHHHHH-MUUUUUHHHH!!!!!

(With wild eyes, Graham looks to the ceiling, where he sees a fan. He jumps up and grabs hold of it, spinning around using his own momentum.)

GRAHAM: GUN. DAM. GUN! DAM!

(Graham lets go of the fan and just drops straight through the kitchen table, breaking it. He remains lying on his back on top of the split table, breathing hard, looking at the ceiling. Lasse and Billy carefully look down over him.)

GRAHAM: (Closes his eyes) Gundam.

BILLY: You done?

GRAHAM: Yeah.

LASSE: Holy ZOINK, dude. You need help.

(Sumeragi, Feldt, and Mileina walk back into the kitchen.)

SUMERAGI: What the-?? What happened to my kitchen! Billy!

BILLY: (Defensively) I’m sorry, we’ll clean it up! Right, Graham?

(Graham suddenly springs up, milk dripping from his hair. He turns away from Billy and folds his arms.)

GRAHAM: (Defiantly) I have no interest!

BILLY: (Sighs) I hate being friends with you, I really, really do.

SUMERAGI: (Annoyed) You can clean it after, we’re late anyway.

LASSE: Let’s get a move on, then. Show can’t start without us.

FELDT: (Dourly) Yes it can. We’re just tertiary characters, really.

SUMERAGI: Hey, I’M a secondary. And maybe the idiot with milk-soaked hair is too.

GRAHAM: (Smirks, milk still dripping from his hair) I am secondary to NO one. I have surpassed even the Asura.

SUMERAGI: (Rolls eyes) Ah-huh. Let’s please go now, please.

(We cut to a massive auditorium-type area some time later. The place is packed with people, every seat filled. The lights dim, everyone gets quiet, the curtains pull back from the stage.)

ANNOUNCER: And now ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the stage as I introduce our host for this evening‘s proceedings. He’s been called tenacious, cockroach-like, and even immortal, please give a warm welcome to- Mr. PATRICK COLASOUR-MANNEQUIN!

(The audience applauds as PATRICK walks on-stage, wearing a tuxedo and smiling broadly. He waves and blows kisses to the audience. Finally, the applause dies down and Patrick speaks into his microphone as a large TV screen slides down from above and behind him.)

PATRICK: Let me be the first to welcome you all…to the GUNDAM 00 SPECIAL AFTER-SERIES SPECIAL!

(The audience applauds again and Patrick steps aside as the TV screen starts playing a movie. The title appears on-screen as “GUNDAM 00 SPECIAL!” as the song “Hakanaku mo Towa no Kanashi” begins to play and a special opening sequence airs. It starts with several quick scenes showcasing the tragic pasts of the Gundam Meisters.)

(A scene of SETSUNA F. SEIEI fighting in Kurgis as a child soldier; he’s frightened and desperate, and fellow child soldiers are dying all around him.)

(A scene of LYLE DYLANDY as a child, looking in horror at the result of a terrorist bombing, and breaking into tears upon realizing his parents and little sister were in the midst of it.)

(A scene of ALLELUJAH HAPTISM as a child, brokenly sobbing amid the dead bodies of his fellow Super Soldier comrades, having just murdered them under the influence of HALLELUJAH.)

(A scene of TIERIA ERDE, floating naked in a tube, with his fellow Innovades in similar tubes beside him, waking to be awoken to fulfill their twisted purpose.)

(A scene of SAJI CROSSROAD as a child, licking some ice cream in a cone. He accidentally knocks the scoop of ice cream off and it falls to the ground. He looks down at it briefly, then breaks into tears.)

(Then we cut to a bunch of scenes featuring the Gundams killing hapless, slow-moving enemies in stylish ways.)

(Then we cut to a scene of KATHARON being largely useless and extraneous.)

(Then we cut to a montage of the major female characters in the show, all strong and independent and also looking vulnerable and in desperate need of a man (or Saji) to comfort them.)

(Then we cut to a montage of enemy aces from the show- Graham, Ali, Patrick, Sergei…and are reminded of how little most of them got to do in the second season.)

(The we cut to a montage of the Innovators (or -vades, really, but they don’t know that and no one’s gonna tell them because they’re a bunch of smug jerks) looking all androgynous and like a bunch of smug jerks.)

(As the opening credits continue to roll, we cut to backstage, where the stars of the show have gathered mostly. The Gundam Meisters- SETSUNA F. SEIEI, LYLE DYLANDY aka LOCKON STRATOS II, ALLELUJAH HAPTISM, and even TIERIA ERDE is present. Along with them are SAJI CROSSROAD, LOUISE HALEVY, and MARIE PARFACY. They all appear to be waiting for the remainder of their group. Allelujah is chatting with Tieria.)

(Lyle leans over to whisper to Setsuna as everyone else watches the spectacle.)

LYLE: Boy, I bet HE’S glad he got her back.

(Setsuna just turns and regards Lyle with a peculiar expression.)

SETSUNA: Why wouldn’t he be?

LYLE: Cuz…you see, the joke is…I was being…

(Lyle just regards Setsuna’s blank expression for a moment, then sighs.)

LYLE: Yeah, just…never mind. Oh! Someone’s here.

(The door opens and IAN and LINDA VASHTI enter the room and join the group.)

IAN: Ah! We beat the others here!

LINDA: (Smiles pleasantly) Yes, dear.

(Ian walks up and shakes Setsuna’s hand. Setsuna regards him with a blank expression.)

SETSUNA: Ian Vashti.

IAN: (Jokingly) Whoa, tone down the Trans-Am there, kid! It’s good to see you too.

(The others move in to greet the Vashtis.)

LYLE: Hey, we beat YOU guys here, Pops. You’re losing your rep as an old person.

IAN: (Mad) Hey! I woulda been here first, but traffic got in the way! Right, honey?

LINDA: (Smile pleasantly) Yes, dear.

ALLELUJAH: We’ve only got about ten minutes until we’re expected out there. Where are the others?

IAN: (Shrugs) Eh, they’ll be here. My daughter texted me a couple of minutes ago, said they had to get Sumeragi up to spec and then they were headed over.

SETSUNA: (Nods) That’s good. I look forward to seeing everyone again.

(Everyone looks at Setsuna with an odd expression. He narrows his eyes back at them.)

SETSUNA: (Growly) GUN-DAAAM.

(Everyone turns away, satisfied. Meanwhile, we cut back out to the main stage, where the opening credits wrap up and Patrick returns to the fore, applauding with the crowd.)

PATRICK: That was just great, wasn’t it? It’s been quite a journey. Welcome to the show! We’ll have our guests of honor out here in just a little bit, but I’d like to explain something first. The previous post-series reunion show for Gundam Seed Destiny didn’t go so well. And that’s because the audience was made-up of Gundam characters from previous series.

(Patrick pauses for effect before continuing.)

PATRICK: In retrospect, SOMEONE should have known that it would eventually erupt in violence. Therefore, THIS reunion special has BANNED ALL other Gundam characters from purchasing tickets. It’s just common sense, people.

(The audience rumbles a bit with discussion. Patrick holds up his hands and looks annoyed.)

PATRICK: Look, I know it might seem a tad presumptuous, but most Gundam characters tend to be pretty violent. I should know. So this was just a necessary precaution. HOWEVER…

(Patrick pauses and sighs, then continues.)

PATRICK: Someone managed to circumvent the rules. We had a contest going to give away free tickets to this show. The person who sent in the most Amur-Os cereal box tops would receive five free tickets. And the winner of this contest, with an…un-GODLY amount of cereal box tops sent in…

(Patrick points to the front row of the audience, as a spotlight shifts over to it.)

SHINN: Neat, huh? (Looks down and grumbles) I wanted Luna to come as GUNDAM, the one true love of Setsuna F. Seiei, but she refused!

LUNA: (Speaks up) Hey, I was NOT wearing that Exia costume you made out of cardboard and asbestos.

PATRICK: What the-?

(The spotlight pans over next to Shinn, revealing LUNAMARIA HAWKE sitting next to him, wearing casual clothes.)

PATRICK: (Puts his hand on his head) You brought ANOTHER Gundam character here too? Oh…dammit!

SHINN: Well, I got five free tickets, and all my friends are Gundam characters…

PATRICK: Oh crap, you mean…

SHINN: Yep.

(The spotlight pans over next to Luna to reveal ATHRUN ZALA sitting there.)

ATHRUN: (Waves) Hi.

PATRICK: Oh for the love of…wait a second…didn’t you guest-spot on our show?

ATHRUN: (Dismissively) Yeah, but eventually there were just so many factions that side-switching became a nightmare. When something you love takes that much of an effort, it just isn’t worth pursuing anymore. (Looks pointedly at the screen with a grimace) Right, Cagalli?

PATRICK: (Winces) Ouch. Who else is here?

(The spotlight pans over again, revealing LACUS KLYNE sitting next to Athrun. She blinks in confusion for a second when the spotlight is on her, then closes her eyes and suddenly music starts softly playing in the background. The audience behind her starts going wild and Lacus opens her mouth to start singing, when suddenly Patrick leaps in front of the camera waving his arms.)

PATRICK: NO! No! Stop that, don’t do that! No singing!

(The music abruptly cuts out, the audience calms down and Lacus opens her eyes again, looking to Patrick.)

LACUS: Oops, sorry. When the spotlight goes on me, I just feel like…

PATRICK: Yeah, yeah. I know. But we don’t need that now. You aren’t the focus here.

(Mileina runs and throws herself sideways at Tieria. Tieria nonchalantly catches her with both arms.)

MILEINA: I can’t believe you’re here!! This is the best!

TIERIA: (Flatly) It is good to see you again, Mileina.

(A few seconds pass. Mileina seems to have no intention of getting down, staring adoringly at Tieria as he regards her with a neutral expression. Ian grimaces, taps his foot, and clears his throat loudly. Tieria looks to him.)

TIERIA: What?

IAN: (Annoyed) Could you please put my daughter down?

TIERIA: Certainly.

(Tieria carefully puts Mileina down, who turns and looks to her father with her own annoyed expression.)

MILEINA: (Puffs out her cheeks) Daaaaaad! You’re embarrassing me!

(Sumeragi and the others mingle in with the group, exchanging greetings. Shyly, Feldt maneuvers over to Setsuna.)

FELDT: (Averting her gaze) Uh, hi…Setsuna.

SETSUNA: (Blankly) Feldt Grace.

FELDT: It’s…good to see…

(Setsuna’s eyes suddenly go wide as he glimpses something behind Feldt. She notices and turns around, following his stare. Billy and Graham are walking in at the moment. Graham’s eyes snap to Setsuna and meets his stare with his own. Billy worriedly puts his hand on Graham’s shoulder.)

BILLY: (Slowly) Grahammmmmm…

GRAHAM: (Eyes narrow) Young man…

SETSUNA: (Eyes narrow) That guy…

(Graham takes a few steps forward and Setsuna does the same. Everyone in the room goes quiet and takes note. The silence is palatable, heavy with drama…until some ass ruins it.)

SETSUNA: (Scowls) You’re still twisted…still so twisted with your…twisted…twisted-ness!

GRAHAM: It’s YOUR fault! You and your Gundam!

SETSUNA: (Heatedly) I will remove the distortion you represent!

GRAHAM: (Intently) I will have PURE BATTLE WITH YOU, BOY!

(Graham and Setsuna try to run at each other, but both strangely seem to only be running in place. We see that Lasse is holding Setsuna’s jacket from behind, preventing him from advancing, while Billy is doing the same to Graham.)

SETSUNA: (Running in place, screams) I AM GUNDAM!

GRAHAM: (Also running in place) AND I’M A VIRGO!

(Setsuna and Graham continue furiously running in place towards each other and finally Sumeragi walks in-between them.)

SUMERAGI: Hey! HEY! Enough. We’re about to go out there. You guys need to shelve this for now, okay?

(They both stop struggling and Lasse and Billy let them go.)

SETSUNA: (Subdued again) Roger.

GRAHAM: (Closes his eyes and looks away) Out of respect for your non-relationship with my bosom buddy, I will comply.

Graham's episode in the kitchen was hysterical. And everything Shinn did and said was priceless. I'm looking forward to what's left.

I still can't figure how you manage to write everything with so much humor.

_________________"Red particles are bad, they mutate you into... dead? But green/blue particles are good, apparently, for reasons and for purposes yet to be determined. Isn't science sometimes nicely color-coded?"-AntaresGW: The Sword . Sera's Art . Gameplay . The Lost Citadel

I adore you, Thundermuffin. I wish it was me who put you on TV Tropes, an honor(?) well-deserved to be sure. Really happy for you.

Also, really, really happy you whipped up a new text for us (well I don't think you wrote it just for us, but we'll pretend you did, shall we? )! Several points got me laughing out loud, not to mention the fanboy-squeal of letting a few CE-guys to join in. I don't know what you plan to do with them but having them there at all is fantastic. Thank you so much for keeping at this and please don't hold out on the next piece for very long.

--

Quote:

LYLE: It’s a defense mechanism to disguise how insecure and lonely I am. (Chuckles) Ha! Did I just say that out loud? Oh man, I am just a character! You never know what I’ll do or say next!

_________________-We will not be caught by surprise!
*Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words.
-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.

As for Shinn and the rest being there, well, my line of reasoning was...

#1. It's another "reunion" special, but I didn't want to get tangled up with too many other Gundam characters in the audience again. At the same time, there had to be some representation of the audience.

#2. Obviously, the Destiny characters link this installment to the larger series, but I guess this is more of a spin-off of sorts.

#3. I had already set up Shinn as becoming a massive fan of 00, so it seemed only right that he'd try to get into this show.

#4. I'm just plain fond of writing them at this point. Especially Shinn.

And yes, they will have something to do later on other than sit in the audience and heckle/annoy. Cuz it is inevitable that when there too many Gundam characters in one place...it will all eventually erupt in violence.

Next up, Patrick will ask some hard questions of Lyle, some surprise guest stars will appear, and Saji will be abused some more. Wait for it!

I don't know if Graham yelling "I'm a Virgo!" is some kind of MS-related pun or, just a true statement. Because, you know, he said he was a "sympathetic virgo".

If this is your last 00 one, what's next? Unicorn? Zeta? Parodying some other mecha series?

Aw geez, I dunno. This one is taking me so long, I don't know what I'll have the time or inclination for. I still wanted to rewrite TF: Revenge of the Fallen too, but I don't know if I'll ever get to that.

Poor Patrick. Though he'd be perfect with Kira if you think about it. Kira doesn't kill people, and Patrick's impossible to kill!

_________________REGENE: (Grins) Any last words, Buuuuur-ing?(Bring just grits his teeth and the Garazzo’s escape pod breaks off from its main body, flying straight up.)REGENE: (Shakes head) Right then. Forgot we don’t talk on Planet You.

Thundermuffin, your timing is perfect. I'll sit here and fantasize that you decided to release this just when I needed it the most and that it's not a huge coincidence.

Quote:

(Then we cut to a montage of enemy aces from the show- Graham, Ali, Patrick, Sergei…and are reminded of how little most of them got to do in the second season.)

Sad but true and all the funnier for it.

Quote:

LYLE: So! Any babies on the way yet, you two??ALLELUJAH: (Clears throat) Erm, no. Not yet.

Al: We're still working through the fact that with both of us having antagonistic split personalities sex is sort of like Russian Roulette.

Also, I see that Louise has gotten 'better'. Saji had better be getting some.

Quote:

PATRICK: Oh for the love of…wait a second…didn’t you guest-spot on our show?ATHRUN: (Dismissively) Yeah, but eventually there were just so many factions that side-switching became a nightmare.

Oh god, the thought of Athrun flipping between CB, the Powers, the Innovators, A-LAWS, back to CB because Andrei stole his coffee, back to Innovators because they've got cool hair colors... It's okay, I'm in my happy place right now.

Quote:

When something you love takes that much of an effort, it just isn’t worth pursuing anymore. (Looks pointedly at the screen with a grimace) Right, Cagalli?

What's this, did Athrun do something back home that's got him sleeping on the couch?

What's this, did Athrun do something back home that's got him sleeping on the couch?

I believe Thundermuffin is aiming the barb at GSD's depiction of Cagalli backing off from the fight and her relationship with Athrun because it would conflict with her running Orb. Apparently it would be a bit too hard and complicated. As such, they were no longer together by the end of GSD, which suggests Athrun might more likely be crashing on Lacus's and Kira's couch. Which in itself is an amusing image.

Thunder, since you did Transformers in between, what about G.I.Joe? I got a half of mind to try to do something with it since I just saw it last night and I tried to smother myself with a pillow. There certainly would be material enough for another parodical installment.

_________________-We will not be caught by surprise!
*Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words.
-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.

What's this, did Athrun do something back home that's got him sleeping on the couch?

I believe Thundermuffin is aiming the barb at GSD's depiction of Cagalli backing off from the fight and her relationship with Athrun because it would conflict with her running Orb. Apparently it would be a bit too hard and complicated. As such, they were no longer together by the end of GSD, which suggests Athrun might more likely be crashing on Lacus's and Kira's couch. Which in itself is an amusing image.

Thunder, since you did Transformers in between, what about G.I.Joe? I got a half of mind to try to do something with it since I just saw it last night and I tried to smother myself with a pillow. There certainly would be material enough for another parodical installment.

Bingo. I forgot where I left their relationship "in-canon" with this series. But just assume Cagalli came to a similar conclusion off-screen before this installment.

I'm not nearly as big a fan of GiJoe as I am with Transformers in general (I'm more a Transfan than a Gundamophile, actually). And you're right; there's was a lot of fodder in that movie too. But it just comes down to the time I have available now. I have much less time and presence of mind nowadays to write these things with my new job.

I try to write a little more stuff whenever I can, but for now, I just focus on my current project and I'll see what I feel like when I finish.

(The crowd cheers wildly and Patrick motions to the opposite end of the stage.)

PATRICK: We’ll start off with the support, both technical and sometimes emotional…please put your hands together for the crew of the Ptolemaios!

(Everyone cheers as Sumeragi, followed by Feldt, Lasse, and the family Vashti come out from backstage. Sumeragi and the Vashtis all smile and wave politely at the cheering crowd as they walk over to take their seats in a row that has been set up on-stage. Feldt just looks at her feet and quickly walks to take her seat. And finally, Lasse just saunters over casually with his hands on his hips, looking totally disinterested with the scene.)

PATRICK: Next up, we’ve got a pair of former enemies of Celestial Being. Now one’s a friend and the other…is…well…still technically an enemy…but now…he’s a better enemy…I suppose. Please welcome Billy Katagiri and Graham Aker!

(Billy walks out from backstage, waving shyly at the audience. Graham just walks out with his arms folded and his eyes closed, not paying the cheering crowd any mind as he takes his seat. Patrick continues with the introductions.)

(Saji is visibly shoved on-stage, but he composes himself quickly and waves nervously to the crowd, smiling. Louise follows close behind, rolling her eyes. They both take their seats.)

PATRICK: And finally, the core of the show…the ones you’ve been waiting for…please give it up…for the GUNDAM MEISTERS!

(The crowd gets on its feet and cheers as Tieria walks out from backstage. He simply looks to the audience and politely nods before moving to take a seat. Next up, Allelujah walks out, followed closely by Marie, both smiling pleasantly and waving at the crowd. Next, Lyle walks out casually, smiling and lazily flashing a two-fingered salute out at the crowd. Finally, Setsuna comes out from backstage and the crowd goes nuts. Much like Tieria, he regards the crowd for a moment as if registering their presence, then moves to take his seat quietly. In the front row of the crowd, we see Shinn standing and screaming over the din, pointing at himself.)

(Once everyone has taken their seat and the crowd has settled down, Patrick moves back to the center of the stage, in front of the row of chairs the guests now inhabit.)

PATRICK: Ah, man, just wonderful! Just wonderful. It’s great to see you guys again!

SUMERAGI: (Smiles) Thank you. Congratulations to you and Kati.

PATRICK: (Laughs) Thank you, thank you. I know she would have liked to have you at the wedding, but with you being an outlaw and all…

SUMERAGI: Besides, we had to go to Jupiter and film the movie.

PATRICK: (Nods) That’s right! And I know none of us can talk about that yet, but later in the program, we’re going to have a teaser trailer for it!

(The crowd cheers in approval.)

PATRICK: But first off, we’re going to take and little time and ask some questions of our honored guests here. And then throughout the show, we’ll be bringing out some special, SURPRISE guests to boot! And when I say “surprise”, I mean even surprising for YOU guys!

(Patrick motions to the 00 cast, who mostly all look at each other curiously. Patrick brings out a couple cue cards from a pocket and looks at them.)

PATRICK: Okay! Let’s start with Mr. Saji Crossroad over here!

(Saji visibly stiffens up as Patrick walks over to him, wielding a microphone.)

SAJI: M-me?

PATRICK: Of course you, silly! You’ve had quite a journey since the series began, haven’t you?

SAJI: Well, yeah, I guess.

PATRICK: Tell me, Saji. Since you had to temporarily join Celestial Being, did they you ever consider taking a codename?

SAJI: (Frowns) Well, Mr. Stratos suggested I take the name “Shinji Jaywalk”, but I didn’t much care for that.

(Lyle snickers in the background. Patrick nods and continues.)

PATRICK: Well, in whatever case, you took a stand and fought for the girl you loved! I can respect that!

SAJI: Th-thanks, Mr. Colasour.

PATRICK: (Wags his finger) That’s Colasour-MANNEQUIN. I too fought long and hard for love and am now reaping the benefits!

(Suddenly, we hear the ring of a phone. Patrick reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cell phone.)

PATRICK: Whoops, and speaking of! That is my beloved right now! She couldn’t be here today, but I’m sure she’s just calling in right now to express her regret and admiration!

(Patrick puts his phone to his ear and closes his eyes, smiling confidently.)

PATRICK: Yes, darling, what can I-

(Patrick sharply pulls away from the phone as we hear garbled shouting emanating from it. He carefully puts his ear back to the phone and tries talking.)

(The cast on-stage and the audience all quietly watch Patrick talk on the phone and listen to the garbled shouting coming from it.)

PATRICK: (Now talking over the shouting) No, I’ll do it this time. I promise. You don’t have to…I know you could…but I want to…yes, I do! Yes, I won’t screw up this time. Right. Okay. I gotta go, honey. I mean, Kati. I mean, colonel. I mean, general. I love…(louder shouting) I love…(even louder shouting, Patrick sucks in a deep breath, then shouts quickly) ILOVEYOUALOTBYE!

(Patrick quickly ends the call and shoves his phone back into his pocket. He takes another deep breath, then seems to remember where he is. He slowly looks at the audience, then puts his hand on his head and laughs loudly.)

PATRICK: Sorry. The missus just wanted me to pick up some orange juice on the way home.

(Patrick turns his attention back to Saji.)

PATRICK: Annnnnyhoo, what I was saying was that once you’ve found that special someone, you’re ensnared!

(Saji quickly reaches into his pocket and gingerly offers a small box of pills to Louise, holding them as if he’s giving a slab of meat to a lion. Louise eagerly snatches them, frantically opens the box, and pours some pills down her throat. She swallows them, breathes deep for a few seconds, then calmly wipes a bit of spittle from her mouth and looks to Patrick, who appears visibly unnerved.)

LOUISE: (Calmly) Now, what were we talking about?

PATRICK: Uh…nothing. Moving on.

(Patrick moves down the row of guests and halts in front of Graham, who is sitting with his head nodded down, eyes closed, and his arms folded.)

PATRICK: Uh…Mr. Aker?

(Patrick snaps his fingers in front of Graham’s face, but gets no response. He looks over at Billy, who just shrugs.)

PATRICK: Graham, are you-?

(Patrick cautiously reaches out to tap Graham on the shoulder. As soon as his hand gets a few inches away, Graham’s hand suddenly snaps up and grabs it. Patrick jumps a bit, startled.)

PATRICK: Ah!

GRAHAM: (Looks up) Can I help you?

PATRICK: Were…were you sleeping?

GRAHAM: Simply conserving my energy for the battle ahead.

PATRICK: Uhm…what battle?

GRAHAM: The fated battle. Of destiny.

PATRICK: What fated battle of destiny?

GRAHAM: The destined battle of fate.

PATRICK: (Annoyed) Look, just tell me right now if interviewing you is going to be a complete waste of our time.

(The drum roll ends and NEIL DYLANDY walks out of the mist, smiling confidentially and still wearing the eyepatch. The crowd goes absolutely nuts. In the front row, Luna, who has been relatively indifferent up until this point, leaps up and screams.)

LUNA: (Gushing) I LOVE YOU, LOCKON!!!

(Next to her, Shinn stops cheering and rolls his eyes.)

SHINN: God, Luna…show some restraint.

(Up on stage, most of the 00 cast have a similar reaction. Tieria, Feldt, and Setsuna spring up from their seats in a flash, rushing over to Neil.)

(Both Tieria and Feldt tackle-hug Neil from opposite sides. He laughs and puts his arms around both of them as they bury their faces in his shoulders.)

NEIL: Hey, guys. Long time, no see.

(Setsuna maintains a short distance from them. Neil looks up and meets his gaze, a quietly-prideful grin coming to his face.)

NEIL: You’ve grown up, you incorrigible Gundam-nut, you.

SETSUNA: (He actually might crack) Lockon…Stratos…

(Sumeragi, Lasse, and the Vashtis walk up close behind Setsuna, all smiling broadly. Of those still seated, Billy wears a pleasant smile, Graham and Louise both look totally unimpressed, and Saji just looks confused. Lyle folds his arms and sneers, looking away as the others crowd around Neil. Then he notices Allelujah and Marie are still sitting next to him.)

(Once everyone has calmed down a bit, a seat is brought out for Neil and everyone sits down again. Neil sits between Tieria and Feldt, both of whom sit uncomfortably close to him. Patrick walks over to address Neil.)

PATRICK: Welcome to the show, Lockon Stratos!

NEIL: Now, now. You can just call me Neil. I believe my little brother has claim on that codename now.

(Down the row of seats, Lyle just folds his arms again and looks annoyed.)

LYLE: Like I care. It’s a stupid codename.

NEIL: (Laughs) Yeah, I suppose it is kinda silly.

SHINN: (Screams from audience) It’s the BEST CODENAME EVER!

(Neil smiles good-naturedly.)

NEIL: Well, if you insist.

(The audience breaks into cheers again. Luna swoons in the front row.)

SHINN: (Annoyed) He’s not THAT great. (Turns back to scream at the stage) YOU’RE THE GREATEST GUY EVER, LOCKON!!!

(On stage, Patrick waits for the audience to calm down again, then turns back to address Neil.)

PATRICK: So, Mr. Dylandy…

NEIL: (Smiles) Neil.

PATRICK: (Smiles sheepishly) So, Mr. Neil Dylandy, I’d just like to take this opportunity to apologize for the whole…stabbing your eye out with a beam saber-thing. That was a total dick move on my part.

PATRICK: Right. Y’know, speaking of you dying…maybe it’s time to heat things up a bit.

NEIL: Pardon?

PATRICK: (Mischievously) Well, this is a nice segue to bringing out our next surprise mystery guest!

(The end of the stage suddenly shoots plumes of flame and sparks. Everyone’s attention is drawn to it. Patrick motions dramatically and speaks into his mike.)

PATRICK: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our next guest! He took time out of his very busy schedule to be here, and he cost more to get than the others, but I’m sure he’ll be worth it! Mighty is he, heeeeere’s ALI!

(A smirking ALI AL SAACHEZ walks out from in-between the flames spurting out at the edge of the stage. He’s wearing his nice “Gary Biaggi” suit, but he’s unshaven and his hair’s flowing free. There’s an equal mix of cheering and boos coming from the audience. As he approaches the others, Setsuna, Tieria, Neil, and Lyle all leap out of their seats.)

SETSUNA/TIERIA/NEIL/LYLE: (Simultaneously) ALI AL SAACHEZ!!!

ALI: (Casual wave) Yo.

(The four standing Meisters reach into their coats. Setsuna, Lyle, and Tieria produce pistols and point them at Ali. Neil pulls…nothing out of his vest and just points at Ali with his hand in a mock “gun” shape. Ali appears totally un-phased, still sporting a cocky half-smile at them. Patrick leaps in-between to defuse the situation.)

PATRICK: Hey, hey! Everyone calm down. Like I said, he’s a special guest. He was invited.

(Setsuna and the rest continue glaring at Ali past Patrick.)

LYLE: (To Ali) Aren’t you supposed to be dead??

(Ali gives Lyle a genuinely confused look.)

ALI: Aren’t you? I mean, I didn’t stick around for the last episode. Once my final scene was filmed, I left for another job. I just assumed everything went swimmingly what with the Ribbons killing you all and winning part. No, then?

SETSUNA: (Glares) No.

ALI: (Shrugs) Okay then.

NEIL: (Heatedly) You bastard, what do you mean, you “left for another job”??

ALI: What? You think this is my only gig? I’ve got lots of stuff on the table. Fighting you guys is just a side-thing.

LYLE: What are you talking about?? Don’t marginalize us!

ALI: I’m a mercenary- it’s what I do.

(A fanboy squeal from Shinn is heard from the audience.)

PATRICK: I think we’d better stop this conversation before it gets any more meta.

TIERIA: I think this whole story should stop before it gets any more meta.

PATRICK: Yeah, fourth-wall breaking? Not helping.

ALI: (Shrugs) Look, are you guys all gonna keep pointing guns at me, or can I sit down? I’m not gonna make any trouble. Not unless I get paid to.

(Everyone just keeps glaring at Ali. Finally, Patrick laughs loudly and moves to the side of Ali, putting his hand on the mercenary’s shoulder.)

PATRICK: C’mon, everyone, you can’t hold the things Mr. Al Saachez did in the series against him here!

(Reluctantly, Setsuna and the others holster their guns and sit back down, still however glaring in Ali’s direction. Ali, still smirking, takes a seat in the row of guests. Patrick exhales in relief and moves to the center of the stage again. But before he can start talking, Shinn stands up from the front row of the audience and holds up Mayu’s cell phone.)

(Patrick motions to the end of the stage again, and soft music begins playing in the background.)

PATRICK: It is my honor to welcome the Princess Royal of the largely-fictional country of Azadistan. Depending on who you ask, she’s either Setsuna F. Seiei’s wannabe girlfriend or his surrogate mother…

SETSUNA: (Confused) What?

PATRICK: Please put your hands together for…Marina Ismail!

(Suddenly, we hear gentle singing emanating from off-stage, and the entrance to the stage starts spontaneously bursting with flowers and vegetation. Everyone looks expectantly to the end of the stage, where the gentle singing continues on. A few seconds pass, and the singing continues, with no one in sight. Patrick starts looking a little uncomfortable.)

(A couple more seconds pass, then suddenly a RANDOM JANITOR comes out from off-stage, dragging a small wagon behind him, on which stands MARINA ISMAIL, who has her eyes closed and is still singing. The janitor walks over to the wagon, grumbling a bit, gently grasps Marina by the shoulders as she’s still singing and lifts her out of the wagon, putting her on-stage. He then drags the empty wagon off-stage again, grunting a bit. Marina continues to sing. Everyone watches uncomfortably for a few more seconds, before Patrick gets fed up and loudly clears his throat. Marina finally stops singing and opens her eyes, looking confused.)

MARINA: (Blinks) Huh?

(Setsuna is looking at Marina with some noticeable confusion.)

SETSUNA: Marina Ismail??

(Marina turns around and sees Setsuna and the row of guests. A pleasant smile appears on her face.)

MARINA: Oh! Setsuna! It’s good to see you again! (Looks around at the crew of the Ptolemaios) To see all of you! I had no idea everyone would be here. (Looks around at the audience) What is this place?

LYLE: Eh…what do you mean? Weren’t you formally invited to this thing like the rest of us?

ALI: (Pleasantly) No problem at all, cutie. They paid me to do it anyhow.

TIERIA: (Demanding, to Marina) Don’t you know who that man is?? What he’s done???

FELDT: (Angry) He killed Lockon!

LYLE: (Angry) Yeah, he killed my brother!

NEIL: (Angry) He killed me!

SETSUNA: (Angry) He made me kill my parents!

SAJI: (Angry) And he killed MY sister!

SUMERAGI: AND he burned your country to the ground!

MILEINA: And he’s a big, fat…stupid-head!

(Marina takes all this in with a confused expression.)

MARINA: Oh dear…how terrible! Is this true, Mr. Al Saachez?

(Everyone looks over at Ali, who just makes a dismissive hand gesture.)

ALI: Ahhhh, probably. I do kill and burn a lot a’ stuff. Don’t keep track of all of it. Just gotta be concerned with counting the zeroes at the end of the checks, y’know?

TIERIA: (Yells) BASTARD!

(Setsuna, Lyle, and Tieria once again all pull their pistols out and target Ali. Neil once again pulls…nothing out of his vest and points at Ali with his forefinger. And Saji gets up and glares towards Ali with upraised, balled fists. Ali appears totally nonchalant about all of this.)

MARINA: (Firmly) Enough.

(Marina walks by the others, lowering their guns with her hand and then faces Ali.)

MARINA: Mr. Al Saachez, if you apologize, and promise never to do anything bad ever again, even for money, I’ll forgive you.

(In the front row of the audience, Lacus bursts out with a laugh.)

LACUS: (Amused) Oh my god, who does this woman think she is? She’s so deluded.

KIRA: But she's very pretty.

ATHRUN: And she sings beautifully too.

(Lacus glares to her right at Kira and then to her left at Athrun.)

LACUS: (Frowning) Athrun, put your hand on Kira's shoulder.

(Athrun turns and regards Lacus with a look of confusion for a moment, but complies, reaching around her and touching Kira’s shoulder.)

ATHRUN: Like this?

(Lacus hits the button on her remote to Kira’s collar and both Kira and Athrun get shocked.)

KIRA/ATHRUN: (Simultaneously) OW!

(Meanwhile on stage, Marina stares intently at Ali. He closes his eyes and chuckles softly, then opens them with a patented, predatory smile.)

ALI: Sure, why not? I’m sorry.

(Marina’s stern expression softens into one of relief and acceptance. She closes her eyes and bows slightly to Ali.)

MARINA: Then I forgive you.

LYLE: (Yells) This is BULLZOINKS! He’s not sorry!

TIERIA: I must concur. It would be foolish to lower your guard.

SETSUNA: Marina Ismail!

(Marina turns at looks at them.)

MARINA: (Admonishingly) If you truly desire peace for the future, you need to let go of the hate and start the forgiveness.

(Ali stands up and slowly shakes his head, still smiling.)

ALI: Totally. Maybe I wouldn’t be so evil, if they just stopped and tried to…understand me.

(Marina turns back to Ali and embraces him.)

MARINA: Oh, you poor misunderstood man.

(Ali returns Marina’s hug. He looks at Setsuna and the others over Marina’s shoulder and grins creepily. Setsuna bristles with rage and moves intently towards them.)

SETSUNA: Setsuna F. Seiei! MOVING TO INTERVENE!

(Setsuna starts to run at Ali, but Patrick grabs him by the back of his coat and stops him as he passes by.)

PATRICK: Whoa, whoa. That’s enough!

(Setsuna keeps struggling to move forward as Patrick holds his jacket. Patrick looks to the rest of the guests.)

PATRICK: I think it’s about time to show the teaser trailer for Gundam 00 The Movie. I bet that’d cool some tempers.

(Patrick guides Setsuna back to his seat. Everyone reluctantly sits back down, although many on-stage are still glaring at Ali. Patrick motions to the ceiling and a large screen drops down behind the guests. The lights in the auditorium dim.)

PATRICK: And without further ado…the first teaser trailer to Gundam 00: Mighty Meister Alien Fighters!

(In the front row of the audience, Shinn holds up Mayu’s cell phone to the screen.)

SHINN: Oh this is SO going on Youtube when I go home. Better make it authentic.

(Shinn starts waving the cell phone spastically while recording as the trailer begins.)

Saji haveing his punch bouncing against Ali's beard was like a comical version of the ending half of ZZ Gundam, sigh only if Bright grew facial hair around Double Zeta insted of around hathaway's flash, Judau would had been knocked the Zoinks out!