last impression

I wrote this poem to deal with the pain and what I was going through after my boyfriend unexpectedly broke up with me

I cried the whole way home and a little more feeling so lonesome and hurt that I scrunched my face up like a baby's and let myself sob`

wondering what I did- I tried so hard, really, and it wasn't enough trying to wrap my head around the concept termination, ending, rejection

it came out of nowhere I had so many things to say but couldn't recall them, just sat there dumbly and took it, like I always have

I'm tired of losing, tired of having more things to miss

the pain seeps out of my inner depths, racks my body and keeps me up involuntarily until 2 am, remembering him but trying not to I wish he'd remember me, remember what I had been once and seemingly aren't anymore

my evilest, most unrealistic part wants him to want me back but I'm forcing myself to realize I left my heart privy to someone who doesn't respect it

he's probably already lost in his music, and friends, and the promising allure of beach hook-ups boys are good at forgetting, taping over the screenplay of their minds

and here I'm left, with all the memories and sweet notes in his scribbly handwriting, second-guessing all the "I love you"s and tender things he'd ever done

they feel like the belongings of someone, something that has died you want to cherish them but can never erase the sadness, their new irrelevancy and so stash them away

I put them in a shoebox in my closet, and on second thought a few days later rip them to satisfying, illegible remnants

he had said, "we've been acting more like friends these past few weeks"

then what was last Sunday afternoon when we lay on the street, close-drawn and content under the clouds?

were you conveying mere companionship through kisses and lingering touch, the tightness of your embrace?

what was that letter you gave me a week ago? "no girl is worth losing you for" so many words and gestures revealed meaningless

is it really that simple, to go through the motions of love in its absence?

I shouldn't have let myself love you, shouldn't have tempted pain so blatantly or invited needless sorrow into my life

and I knew that then, when you wouldn't even look at me when you shrugged my head off of your shoulder and sat there like a stranger. I had to squeeze the words from you

you walked me to the door, and in my glance up at you I hope you read all of the suffering and bewilderment,

not a first impression but a last one.

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It feels horrible, yes. Because that one person that you have shared everything with and you loving them, thinking they loved you. And unexpectedly, and suddenly, before your eyes, in the unknown, you both are breaking up. It feels like a part of your life is missing, a part of you. Your best friend, your other half.

I loved this poem. Conveyed every feeling that I felt. Keep writing. more »)