Sunday, April 15, 2012

Tell you what- you shut up about your stupid electronics, I won't punch you in the face. Deal?

Ugh, you know it's bad enough that you are going all gushy over a stupid, mind-numbing piece of technology that does nothing but encourage you to sit as your body fat gradually takes over the rest of your body (the space between your ears being 90 percent fat already.) It's bad enough that you've found another "this will allow me to avoid eye contact with the other humanoid life forms I am cursed to share the world with" mobile flat screen. It's bad enough that you still haven't gotten over your fascination with being able to rub your finger around a screen and make images move around and change (seriously, when is that going to stop being the Most Amazing Thing Ever?) But is it really necessary for you to pretend that this is something that we haven't already seen from other companies, or to act as if this is the ultimate, and won't be a giggle-inducing antique roughly 90 days from now?

And instead of wearing a shirt which reads SONY, why don't you read one that says "I'm a hopeless, friendless techno-geek, please feel free to beat me up, it's the only physical contact I ever have with actual, carbon-based life forms?"

And since this is your new Best Friend, how are you going to break the news to your iPhone? Are you going to use the same speech you gave to the Blackberry last year? Go easy, ok?

Hubby's away for the weekend with the kids, and the best this woman can manage to come up with is making herself "queen of the couch" and curling up with her husband's tablet. She clearly has absolutely no friends and no life outside of the home. Gee, I wonder why.