at this point if i was john i would never fess up to what happened to the missing tooth because all of your made up guesses are comedic gold! and it helps to keep a gossip rumor type thing going. i mean if he stepped in announcing what really happened we'd probably all go "oh", look at each other awkwardly, turn, and walk away. and who wants that?
this is way better!

There has to be some creepy hipster out there with a place for it in his trophy case, alongside Sam Beam's shaver leavings, Connor Oberst's oversized contact lenses (used), and Chris Martin's cry pillow.