Real estate bloopers: Lost lofts and idle offices

Lofts have been getting a lot of your attention these days as selling features, and these listings cracked me up.

“Enjoy breathtaking sunsets from this custom 2,700 sq. ft. bungalow with bonus 1,200 sq. ft. loft with own boat slip.” (Not sure how you would ever get the boat to the dock but then again, I don’t sail, so what do I know?)

This one made me snort: “2nd floor loft idle for home office.” (I posted it on Twitter and one of my Twitter pals responded, “That’s perfect for me and the reason I should stop working from home.”)

Then there was this one: “Fridge in Furnace Rm Loft is irregular size.” I’m not sure which concerns me more; that the loft has a furnace or that the fridge is in the furnace room, but maybe that’s because of the boat slip.

I came across this unintentional gem that made me grin: “Consists of 3rd floor Lost with 2 bedrooms and full bath.” Well, I sure hope they find it. It will probably turn up on the island somewhere.

Most of the errors that cracked me up involved missing punctuation. Like this recent listing that featured a “hedged fruit trees shed.” I guess if you want to store your fruit trees somewhere private, this one is for you.

Or this one: “Front double car garage heated crown molding.” Now that’s a fancy garage, but I would think heated crown moulding, even inside the house, would be seen as a little extravagant by most buyers.

I love this idea of a kitchen “beautifully renovated with granite count.” I don’t know why that makes me think of Transylvania, but if the guy can cook, hey, I’m all for it.

The agent who wrote this listing insists: “Please note: current lease ends on August 31, 2018, 2018, 2018.” Okay, okay, okay: we get it.

Some agents were anxious to let buyers know there were hardwood floors in the property.

Like in this listing: “Hardwood floors lead to the 2nd floor with hardwood floor.”

Which is odd; usually we take the stairs.

Or this one: “Bedrooms are all HARDWOOD.” Holy mackerel; that’s a lot of hardwood. I’d expect to see a little drywall at least on the ceiling.

I love this agent’s salesperson remarks: “All information displaced is believed to be accurate.” Now, that’s a disclaimer.

This listing warned us that “Sign in lawn.” I guess she wants to make us dig for information.

One of my favourites in the category of “I don’t think that word means what you think it means” was this listing which advertised that the “sellers just recently installed a terra cotta metal roof.”

Here’s another one in the same category that made me laugh out loud: “basement bachelor pad perfect for parents.” Righto.

And this one: “just seconds away from the Yatch Club.”

I’m not sure what the Realtor who wrote this was trying to say: “… located in a quite enclave of amateur homes.” As opposed to – professional homes? Mature homes?

I still think one of my favourites has to be this listing: “New roofer and Windows.” I’d love to have a roofer. I don’t care if he’s inexperienced. I’ll put him in the basement bachelor pad with my parents. It’ll be perfect.

Sometimes people stretch to find a description. Like the FSBO seller who referred to “overflowing natural light”. Ah, liquid sunshine.

This recent listing made me wince: “walk-in closet has plenty of hanging space.” And then there was this one that included “widow coverings.” (Not the same house, thank God. Phew.)

I came across a listing with a “12 x 12 Porcelain Tile and Eating area,” which left me wondering just what exactly you might consume there. Or how about an “octagonal living room with a toasty wood-burning fireplace,” for those of you who like toasty wood with your porcelain tile.

But perhaps the most ambitious listing this summer and the one that made me laugh the most was this one: “Some of the updates include Outside.”

Peggy Blair is a sales representative with Royal LePage Team Realty in Ottawa. A former lawyer, she is the award-winning author of the Inspector Ramirez series published by Penguin Canada and Simon and Schuster Canada as well as internationally. Her most recent book, Umbrella Man, is now in bookstores. If you come across any real estate bloopers that tickle your funny bone, be sure to send them to her by email.

Ha! Great catch Greg, but it was my fault, not Peggy’s. I left the “s” out of listings but have now corrected it. But it’s a great point that everyone makes mistakes sometimes – some are just more funny than others!