Entry #6 – Defeat

I’m sorry, but I really can’t find inspiration to write in this journal other than to talk about what has depressed me recently. So, please enjoy my pain >_<

I have a….hobby. I won’t tell you guys what it is for fear of being judged (despite my identity being completely anonymous, but still), but I will say that I’m a collector of sorts. Recently, I found a new…item that I wanted to collect, but it’s been the biggest pain in the ass to obtain. There are so many complicated steps to getting it, but I just don’t have that kind of intelligence or resolve. Many people have failed to obtain it in the past (and are probably still failing to this day), but there have been many that have succeeded also.

I, apparently, have fallen into the category of the former. I failed, plain and simple. I’m not exactly taking it in stride, but I understand that I’ll never get this specific item to add to my collection. It saddens me, since ever since I first found out about it, I deduced that it would be my most prized addition to my collection.

In any case, I’m not as saddened about not being able to have the item as I am about the utter defeat I’m feeling right now. Don’t get me wrong, failure isn’t something I’m new to, and not being able to get things you want is one of the most common things to happen to you when you’re poor.

It’s just that I’ve never felt defeat in this kind of way. I worked so, so hard to get the item, and I still failed. I did my very best, and I still failed. It took me a while since I was stubborn, but I now know that it’s impossible for me to obtain it.

I don’t know, defeat just feels a billion times worse when you know you did your best and still lost. Have you guys ever lost something you actually tried your absolute best to win? It hurts more than I thought it would. Oh well, though. I guess there are plenty of similar items I can have instead.

But I suppose nothing I get will ever be the same as that one item I want specifically. It’s more like I’ll have to make do with other stuff.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys in on this little incident in my life that happened. Thanks for listening.