She’s been through so much; you can see it in her eyes, feel it in her touch, and hear it in her tone.

She’s changed.

She tells you by the way she keeps you at a distance, never letting you get too close, only loving you from afar. She hides behind a smile, holding back the waterfalls that have accumulated behind the creases of her eyelids.

She’s exhausted; tired of trying with people who don’t care. Tired of constantly being turned down and disappointed. Tired of putting her heart in the wrong, undeserving hands.

But mostly, she’s just tired of being tired.

She’s beginning to question if this hassle is worth all the pain, while still craving the love her heart yearns for. She cannot understand how something so beautiful has brought her so much pain. She cannot understand why she hasn’t received the love she wholeheartedly deserves.

She wants more. She needs more. She’s undeservingly being dragged along, while trying to find anything worth holding on to. She’s trying not to lose herself while still holding on to you.

She’s losing herself because of you.

She loves you. And she’s convinced herself your love is worth this madness, your love is worth this chaos. But with each day that passes, she’s starting to doubt if it truly is.

When the time comes, she will begin to pull herself away from you, a little bit at a time. Slowly, you will start to notice her distance, her absence. She’s not as present as she use to be.

And one morning you will wake up and she will be gone.

She will have moved on, finally putting herself first, and leaving you behind to find what she truly needs. She will have freed herself from you, without looking back. Now you’re nothing but a distant lingering memory of who she use to be.

Girls like her are hard to love, but they are worth it.

All the pain has taught them to never settle for less than the respect they warrant. Their bravery and strength are painted as a shield on their skin, hiding the weakness that lies behind.

These girls are the type who stand up for themselves, refusing to sit with regret and guilt. They are the type of girls who love with their entire hearts, broken pieces and all; killing themselves to find the type of love they know they deserve.

If you’re lucky enough to find one never let her go, because once she begins walking away, you’ve lost her forever. The moment she has stopped trying is when you know you’ve lost her.

And she’s never coming back.

Kiana is a poet and author of To All the Ones I’ve Ever Loved, available here.

Living with a chronic illness like Hidradenitis Suppurativa alone can be bad for your mental health. You owe it to yourself to find a significant other who wants to be there for you through good times and bad.