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(Warning: The following contains adult language. Sometimes it just can’t be helped.)

My wife and I went to see Jackson Browne at the Beacon Theater last Friday in Manhattan.

Great show.

Obnoxious audience.

As my wife said, “You’d think that, when they get to be our age, people would know how to be an audience member.”

Apparently not. So I offer this open letter.

Dear Aging Baby Boomer,

Yes, I’m as excited as you are to go see (name of Legacy Act) when they play tonight. But if we can all observe a few rules of polite social behavior, I won’t have to tell you what an asshole you are in front of your equally annoying wife. Here we go:

We all love this artist or we wouldn’t have spent the outrageously hefty ticket price to see the show (or the equally ridiculous “service” charges, which essentially mean: In addition to the admission price, we’re going to charge you extra money for the privilege of actually buying this ticket).

We all have favorite songs that remind us of the stupid/amazing things we were doing at a much younger age when we first heard this music. Hopefully, the artist will play a number of them.

Because he’s not going to go, “Oh, Tim in the balcony wants to hear a song I haven’t played in 20 years and haven’t rehearsed with this band and probably can’t remember the lyrics to? OK, let’s dig it out.”

And, probably, if he doesn’t play it the first time you shout it, he won’t play it the second time. Or the fifth.

So shut the fuck up.

When it becomes obvious that the artist will not be singing your favorite tonight, don’t keep drunkenly shouting for it.

Really, don’t drunkenly do anything. Seriously – I don’t want to interfere with your right to party. Except when it interferes with my ability to enjoy the concert.

And this is a concert. Not a party.

If you want to get drunk so you can listen to this music and act like a loudmouth asshole, do it at home. Or at your local bar, where they’ve got this music on the jukebox and where they already know you’re a loudmouth asshole.

If the artist happens to play a song you don’t know or care for, don’t use that as an excuse to get up to get another drink. This disrupts everyone else in your row, not once but twice.

And you’re already drunk. If you can’t get enough to drink before the show to truly enjoy it, perhaps you should consider rehab.

Also, don’t talk loudly during the opening act. I know: You didn’t come to hear him/her and you don’t care if they play or not. The rest of us, however, would like to listen to the music and not your account of that amazing chip shot you put right into the fucking hole – right IN there – this afternoon.

Another thing: Don’t whoop every time the artist says the name of our town. Particularly here in New York.

Perhaps in Omaha or Tampa or Albuquerque, it’s OK to act like some shit-kicking rube who feels all validated and special whenever someone famous mentions the name of the town you’re from from a stage.

But this is New York; have a little class.

Let me amend that: It’s OK to whoop the first time he/she says, “Hello, New York!” But reacting to subsequent mentions (“The first time I was in New York – ” “Woo-hoo!”) just makes you look like what you are: an asshole. And an idiot.

Also: Shouting anything while the artist is talking to the audience makes you seem like an idiot. And an asshole.

The artist doesn’t care what you have to say. Neither do the rest of us.

If you need attention that badly, audition for “American Idol.” Or see a therapist. Or have a seance with your dead parents about why your self-esteem is so low that you can only feel validated by trying to get the attention of an artist in the middle of a performance.

And yes, I know you’re so important and have reached such a level of affluence that you can afford the latest smart phone with that bright, bright screen. But don’t use the goddamned thing during the concert.

If you feel you absolutely have to, get yourself checked out for ADD. Or just admit that you’re an asshole.

Just a few more things:

I know you love the songs and know all the lyrics by heart. But don’t sing along – unless the artist invites you to. I didn’t pay a premium to listen to your sorry ass sing.

If you feel the need to stand up at the end of a song and clap to show your approval, fine.

If, however, you feel compelled to stand up as soon as the artist hits the stage and remain on your feet – doing what you assume will be recognized as dancing – for the entire show, well, how shall I put this?

Sit the fuck down.

Or don’t stand up in the first place. Because then you’re being an asshole.

If you stand up, then the person sitting behind you – me – can’t see. So then I have to stand up. And then the person behind me can’t see and thinks I’m an asshole. When, in fact, YOU are the asshole.

So stay seated. You can amply express your pleasure and enthusiasm from a sitting position.

Allow me to sum up:

If you’re a baby-boomer who’s going to a concert, you are, at this point, anywhere from your late 40s to your late 60s. That’s certainly ample time to figure out what constitutes socially acceptable behavior in a concert setting.

35 Responses to “A baby-boomer’s guide to attending a concert”

Thank you for stating so eloquently what was going through my mind when I saw Jackson Browne two weeks ago. Or when I saw (insert name) any time over the last five years. It is, indeed, frustrating to be excited about a show and have it ruined by an inconsiderate asshole.

I was at that show and I have to say that it was one of the tamest and almost annoyingly self-controlled audiences I’ve ever seen at the Beacon. You should try an Allman Brothers show in March, or a Dead/Further/Ratdog show anytime. People actually get drunk and smoke pot – oh the horror. Another thing, Jackson Browne’s solo shows are well known for the fact that he DOES TAKE AUDIENCE REQUESTS. That is why so many people were calling out songs- he’s well known for dumping the setlist and playing whatever he or the crowd feels like hearing. So, do your homework before going to a concert, and don’t rip fans for doing exactly what the artist encourages and expects from their fanbase.

THANK YOU!!! I have felt this way for the almost 40 years I have been a Jackson Browne fan. His concerts seem to bring out that certain asshole who feels the need to show he can think of a better set list than an artist who has been making a good living doing this for a very long time. I see very little of this at other artists shows. Thank you again for putting it so well

LOL. That was great, well put. I’ll pay top dollar to see an old favorite act within the first 5 or 6 rows, mostly to try and avoid the assholes you’re talking about. But unfortunately, there’s no shortage of them around.

@BeaconRules: Apparently, you were so involved in reading this description of yourself that you neglected the part where the author inserted “name of legacy act” in parentheses to indicate that this happens ALL the time…at almost ANY concert.

Like the concert I attended last Friday at WolfTrap in Washington to enjoy Idina Menzel and the National Symphony Orchestra, only to sit behind four twats who chose to chatter throughout the first set, while the rest of us in the section attempted to enjoy the MUSIC.

Perhaps, BeaconRules, you enjoy audience participation at movies like “Rocky Horror” and artists like Jackson Browne. As for the rest of us, I think we all agree with the author:

Wow!! You are right on the money…..I saw the Eagles and later that year Bob Segar…..the guy behind me and his wife were two of the stupidest people in the world…………I was with my son and I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to turn around and hit this a**hole with A BAT..But I kept my cool and didn’t want to embarrass my son……earlier we saw Paul McCartney..we figured at $250.00 / ticket we would be with considerate patrons….BOY WAS I WRONG. as soon as we got our seats two women in our row were as drunk as you could be without falling over,….security removed these two a**holes immediately………People…..STFU and STFD…makes a ton of sense to me

Yep, if I’m at a Jackson Browne concert I’ll probably be in my seat a majority of the time. But if it’s a rowdy show (Van Halen, Iron Maiden, Ozzy, etc.) then get your old ass out of that seat and get that circulation going, gramps!

If I’m at a Jackson Browne concert I’ll probably be in my seat a majority of the time. But if it’s a rowdy show (Van Halen, Iron Maiden, Ozzy, etc.) then get your old ass out of that seat and get that circulation going, gramps! Or take your ass to your couch.

Marshall, this is precisely why I don’t go to concerts anymore. Friends report back after every concert that they had to stand through the whole thing for this very reason. I’m sorry, but if I paid for a seat, I expect to be able to sit in it! The shouting out, singing along and other obnoxious behavior would be doubly annoying if I were forced to stand. And thanks for mentioning the phones–my pet peeve in lots of settings. Really, people should not be allowed to own a phone that’s smarter than they are!

Why don’t YOU grow up and clean up that mouth of yours??? I am 50, just went to Rod Stewart/Stevie Nicks concert last week. Ahhh, the memories each song brought. Rod was HOT and Stevie was fantastic. Maggie May and Landslide brought tears to my eyes. The other great songs…..I stood up (was on the main floor), I sang out loud, I yelled for my favorite song, I took pictures,I GOT INTO THE MOMENT, I was sober. I enjoyed feeling the excitement in the audience, the others getting in to the music, ENJOYING themselves. I went to the concert, rather than listen on my iphone, because I wanted the “experience”. All of the above, lends to the experience. If you want to sit quietly, and shut your mouth, and sit your rear end in a seat for the night, buy the “album” and pour a glass of Milk of Magnesia and relax all by your flippin’ self. Don’t drain all the fun out of the night for everyone else. Geez, are you 80?

You would think Boomers would enjoy a nice seat. I had floor seats to Roger Waters ‘The Wall’ recently. Mind you, ‘The Wall’ is far more of a show than a concert. So I had expected to enjoy my floor seats and nice view of Waters and the great visual effects. Well, I had to stand at least 90 percent of the time to see. I don’t really understand why it had to be thus. We could have all seen just fine from our seats. As Rodney King might have said, ‘can’t we all just sit down.’

You may want to consider never going to a concert again since you obviously aren’t any fun. Also you may want to consider never leaving your house again since obviously you are too good for the rest of us.

This guy must have gone to the concerts that we did – I think he’s talking to the a** hole ‘lady’ who ‘danced’ in front of me blocking my view during the WHOLE Bruce Springsteen concert in Albany a couple of months ago. So rude . . .And as our son said in reference to the a**hole raving a couple of seats over at the George Thorogood concert in Lowell, MA Saturday night – ‘didn’t get that; I don’t speak drunk.’

THANK YOU!
We were blessed by a son with two very expensive field seats at the Roger Waters “The Wall” concert a few weeks ago in Philly. Yes, everyone stood, which I dealt with because of the massive fight this 4’9″, 61 year old woman would have had in order to try to impossibly change this situation. But as I strained to see past the three rows of people in front of us, my normally calm demeaner snapped when a drunk behind me would not shut his mouth for a second. “Who’s the man.. see how fast I could get more ($10) beers?” “Oh when is he gonna sing Comfortably Numb?” HEY SHITHEAD, it’s THE WALL. It goes in a certain sequence! And who the hell gets blackout drunk to see ROGER WATERS????? The smoke haze took care of any thoughts of seeing it sober anyway! I politely (well, kind of) turned, gave him a sneer and told him that I came to hear Roger Waters, NOT HIM. I didn’t get mean. I should have. It only made him worse. It took me a week to calm down. And I promise you, it is as close as I’ve ever come to climbing over the metal folding chairs and beating him with all the strength in my little old body. The only thing that restrained me was the knowledge that I would be the one thrown out of this once-in-a-lifetime concert!
Thank you for agreeing so well with my mutterings of the past few weeks. Roger Waters in person, as with Pink Floyd, will never been enjoyed again. Why did a drunk, who most likely has no recollection of the evening, have to ruin it?

I agree with just about everything here – EXCEPT – Sorry, it’s a concert, if you are too old to enjoy it, go home and listen to it. If I am going to see any band and I want to stand, I will. I paid the same amount you did. There’s no way I could sit through a concert unless it’s a band I didn’t care about. There’s a reason that everyone in the venue is standing. Hopefully, it’s because the band rocks and you do want to party! Not drunken, not obnoxious, but fun. I’m also assuming you aren’t talking about a violin concerto, ya know? So, when that old guy behind me asks me to sit after Slash comes on stage, well, Darling, you can kiss my @ss. Politely.

Don’t know how old you are, Beacon(asshole)Rules. Don’t care. I’m older (and have more insurance, as they say.) But your right to be a self-absorbed, rude, inconsiderate, self-centered dickhead stops just about where my right to pay a boatload of money, to hear a performing artist perform without your help or toasted encouragement, begins.

Tell ya what…you let me know the next concert you’re going to grace with your presence and I’ll be there…standing right behind you…waiting.

As an individual in a wheelchair, your comment about sitting down…couldn’t agree more. At least you (author) can stand up. Try not being able to stand up…it’s even worse. With prices of tickets these days it’s almost pointless to see a show because of all these “assholes” who are standing up the entire show!!!

Pshew…thanks for that. Except for 3 artists (Jackson being one) I have stopped attending concerts because of THAT person…at a Jackson Browne show recently, one idiot who was repeatedly in and out of the aisle loudly, laughingly announced that he’d be doing it all night. Couldn’t be helped, he said, too much beer!

That could have been helped.

And I would add one more category of *hole to your list. The squatters. We watched two 50+ year old women slide into 3 different sets of seats in front of us (we were in row 10)and get tossed when the rightful seat-holders appeared from wherever they’d been. No idea what happened to them eventually. Thrown out, I hope.

I think you’ve all missed a very valuable point. Since this is happening at every concert perhaps YOU’RE all the ignorant drunken assholes that should shut the fuck up!
I’ve been to plenty of concerts, and while I don’t get drunk and shout things, and often am annoyed by people around me, I find it equally annoying that there are a bunch of stiff assholes like all of you who want to just sit there like you’re watching a movie or a funeral.
Concerts are live performances and the bands LIKE and WANT the rowdy crowds. They do these shows every night and they like the feedback. Especially when they are taping concerts. You’re all a pain in the ass by making the band do all the work. If you go to a concert and pay 100s of dollars to sit there quietly, you sir, are an asshole. You need to drink a few beers, stand up, and try to have a good time.

I think you’ve all missed a very valuable point. Since this is happening at every concert perhaps YOU’RE all the ignorant drunken assholes that should shut the fuck up!
I’ve been to plenty of concerts, and while I don’t get drunk and shout things, and often am annoyed by people around me, I find it equally annoying that there are a bunch of stiff assholes like all of you who want to just sit there like you’re watching a movie or a funeral.
Concerts are live performances and the bands LIKE and WANT the rowdy crowds. They do these shows every night and they like the feedback. Especially when they are taping concerts. You’re all a pain in the ass by making the band do all the work. If you go to a concert and pay 100s of dollars to sit there quietly, you sir, are an asshole. You need to drink a few beers, stand up, and try to have a good time

I normally don’t address these issues,but I was compelled to respond as I am a concert-going boomer.I enjoy a lot of 70’s bands that come around and I am not from NY. I think there has to be a fine line drawn between being”abnoxious” and sitting there with your hands folded-come on it’s a concert. I think most of the artists of that era appreciate fans still adoring them and showing it. I don’t mean drunkeness but to show approval that they still “got it!”Generally,when a band is critiqued,the audience reponses are taken as an important part of the concert.If you sit there sraight -faced then the band thinks you are bored and considered a “dead” audience. Yes, we are boomers, but we can still laugh and cheer and exert a little vitality! It’s showing the band that they still have your attention…….

I usually attend 20-30 concerts a year, and most have fanbases in the 40-55 yr range. I have to say that pretty much every show I go to, the artists are usually VERY happy to see fans up out of their seats, dancing and having a good time. It sure beats playing to a roomful of old fogies sitting around looking bored and yawning. And I agree with the previous poster. I paid the same for my ticket as you, so if I want to stand up, I will. Lighten up and let loose. You might enjoy yourself.

i guess you’ve never been to a jackson browne solo show before. this is the way it goes. and jackson will often attempt to play that song he doesn’t remember the lyrics to, just because someone asks. he is not afraid to rely on help from the audience in that dept. this is part of what makes his live shows so endearing. get over yourself!

You, sir, need to get out more. For real. Lighten up. I don’t drink, don’t stand all concert, but I’ll sing whenever I please. That’s part of the communal experience. Some artists DO take requests. Concerts are communal. Not everyone’s there to make sure YOU have a great time. If you can’t do crowds and are going to be a dour asshole to everyone around you GO HOME.

PS: There are a lot of jerks at concerts. If they’re doing something so atrocious as if offends public sensibility (too drunk, starting fights, heckling) BY ALL MEANS … PLEASE go get security. (!!!) Do everyone a favor.

Coming on here like some self-righteous man who obviously may only see one concert every several years … it makes you look a little bit silly.

I am a “Boomer” and I have been to many concerts since I became one. Generally speaking, I am usually so busy watching what is going on, on stage that most people don’t bother me. Except for several that were way to young to be a boomer that attempted to BULLDOZE their way in front of me. And in a few instances some drunks that almost knocked me down.I have been to general admission and seated concerts and if I am attending a seated concert and the artist that I am there to support motions for us, time and again and even TELLS us to GET UP and say goodbye to our seats then by god, I’m standing. THE WHOLE TIME. Why anyone would want to go to a concert and SIT is beyond me. And I do move around. I don’t know that you would call it dancing, but the music moves me and I let it take me where it will.

Geez, are you 80? I’m in my mid-20’s & have been to a good 200 concerts. I don’t typically drink much during shows (and do find the people who have to get sloshed to enjoy them very annoying), but this article sounds like the ramblings of an antisocial dick. Sorry the bands don’t play just for you…? Yuck. Other people who aren’t uptight jerks. Gross!

Like others have said, bands WANT their fans to have a good time. Nothing wrong w/standing from time to time, or making a request or two (which several bands take, btw). As w/anything else, do it in moderation. But don’t cut it out entirely.

You know what also helps? Confronting the offending person. Even drunk folks will typically tone it down. You probably cross your arms, stew, than come home & tap away on your keyboard, as if this will change even a few of these assholes you speak of. *rolls eyes*

Sorry you’re lame, buddy. Same goes for the people agreeing w/you. Buy the DVD & watch it from the comfort of your plastic-covered couches. No one wants your smug asses @ the shows anyway.

This sure is a fun article to read.
The last time I hated an audience for it’s assholes, was (amazingly) at at another Jackson Browne concert, with Bonnie Rait, David Lindley and that piano player who worked with them,, what’s his name, ??? at the Pavilion at Walnut Creek, Raleigh. Oh, yeah, ‘Jackson Browne, Bonnie Raitt, Bruce Hornsby, Shawn Colvin and David Lindley, visit their special tour Web site at http://www.summer99tour.com. NOW GONE.
. We got the tix free, and they were great seats.
Assholes right in back of us, never shut up. This was maybe 10 years ago.
Some things never change, except, probably, over time, those assholes get bigger.

Wow, extremely ageist blog. I am a “boomer” and have been to many concerts since I became one. I am usually too involved by what is going on, on the stage to let much bother me. Although there have been several times when YOUNGER people (not boomers) have tried to BULLDOZE their way in front of me, or been so drunk that they fell into me and almost knocked me down.I have been to general admission and seated shows. And if the artist that I am there to support motions for us time after time to get up, even to the point of telling us to turn around and say goodbye to our seats, I am going to STAND UP. And I don’t know if you could call it dancing, but the music moves me and I let it take me where it wants to. Why in the world anyone would go to a concert to SIT is beyond me. I can sit, in front of my tv. I don’t sit at concerts.

Seem to be two points of view here:
1. Go to the show and enjoy the music you paid a lot of money to see. Respect other people’s rights to enjoy the show. Clap and cheer when appropriate.

2. Go to the show and enjoy the music you paid a lot of money to see. Believe your rights to enjoying the show in your way are more important that the rights of other people to enjoy the show. Believe you have the right to act however you feel like acting and don’t give a f!@#k about the fact that to please yourself, it’s ok to say screw you to the 99% of the audience who wishes you got lost on the way to the show.

Standing depends on the current situation. I’m willing to give a “nonstop standing ovation” to Todd Rundgren or Jethro Tull, and am fairly sure that those artists are not exactly fulfilled by the Valley of the Dead sitting zombieish, even on ballads.

But if everyone in your vicinity is sitting being a zombie, I won’t be the jerkoff that stands, except momentarily, and at the end of songs, because it’s just troublesome to the zombies. I know some argue that if you’re watching Todd Rundgren you should squeal and move that those cool Japanese concertgoers, and screw the morons that don’t “get” it like I do, but I won’t make that imposition. I just hope and encourage that everyone gets up, and stays up, and I won’t be the offensive lone wolf.

I know, I know, when I impulsively stand up because Todd Rundren just hit the zenith in the middle of the Ikon song, expressing my tingly exultation the next 5 or 7 minutes of the opus, after 30 seconds the zombies are going “SIT DOWN!” behind me. I regret their pathetic existences, but based on the situation, must sadly comply in that case.