The Story Behind Sen. Rand Paul’s Attack Keeps Getting Weirder

On Friday, Nov. 3, Sen. Rand Paul -- a man whose hair looks like the soft fuzzy wool of a baby lamb -- was attacked by his neighbor. As more details have come out the weirdness level keeps increasing.

1. For starters, the attack sounds more serious than what was reported. Originally, police in Bowling Green, Ky., described Rand Paul's injuries as "minor." It's since come out that Paul sustained FIVE broken ribs and will require months of recovery.

2. That attacker was a doctor who lives in the same gated community as Sen. Paul. Dr. Rene Boucher is an anesthesiologist and he has admitted to tackling Paul. The senator himself is a licensed ophthalmologist, so this was doctor-on-doctor violence. Also, there's some irony that the ophthalmologist "didn't see it coming" and the anesthesiologist wasn't able to fully "knock-out" his subject (ba-dum-tshhh!).

3. We found out that this isn't just a neighbor who kind of lives in same vicinity. Boucher has been Rand Paul's NEXT DOOR neighbor for SEVENTEEN YEARS!

4. They've apparently had a long-standing grudge ... over lawn maintenance! The New York Times reported that Paul has "long stood out in the well-to-do neighborhood" and that he shows "little interest for neighborhood regulations." It must be that libertarian streak. "No homeowners' association is going to keep Rand f*****g Paul from growing pumpkins in my front lawn!", I can imagine the senator saying.

5. Boucher's lawyer said this had nothing to do with politics, although Boucher is a registered democrat but was just a trivial matter between neighbors and he hopes that they can let bygones be bygones. But a statement from Paul's office said that the senator is going to pursue the charges and "the state and federal" level, which makes it sound like Paul thinks there's more to it than a neighborhood spat. It also sounds like Rand isn't ready to make nice with his next-door neighbor quite yet.