Sexy and video games are just two things that seem to fail together. I cannot claim that I haven’t been aroused by a digital temptress, but more often than not, sexy in gaming just falls flat. For the worst possible example of it, look no further than “Heavy Rain.”

Regardless of my disdain for the aforementioned title, I find myself turned on by the ideas and thoughts present in gaming more than the physical characters. The reason for this is that I tend to shift a character’s abilities on to people I know in real life.

I recently began playing “The Last Story.” I’ll save my criticism of that for another day. Still, one character in particular has captured my interest. One of your party members is a foul mouthed, loud, angry, drunken, strong, bisexual woman by the name of Syrenne (Seiren in the original Japanese script). These traits epitomize the last girl I thought I was in love with.

As I play through the game more, I keep thinking of that girl. Syrenne comes on the screen and I’m mesmerized by the positive thoughts I had with this girl. I feel sorry for hurting her and want to reverse my misdeeds simply because I realize how wonderfully charming she is. I’m aroused by her and its all thanks to this damn game!

But the game itself is not really doing anything to be “sexy” to me. Sure, Syrenne is fairly attractive and is obviously dressed in such a manner to appeal to horny imbeciles like me, but she also has a personality that is incredibly realistic. Now if only she played video games and had brown hair, the transformation would be complete.

She's the one on the left...

Another game I finished late last year, “Lollipop Chainsaw,” starred a young, beautiful, quirky, blonde bombshell of a character that had a punk charm and some strong verbal skills. Well, I happened to work with someone like that for the better portion of two years.

Sure, I saw the short skirt, the ridiculous excuse for a bra and the vivacious and limber moveset, but I wasn’t picturing Juliet Starling. No, that wonderful girl from work was where my mind drifted. Why would I want pixels (despite how tempting they are) when the real thing was mere feet away from me?

As far as situations go, I don’t think video games have really nailed it yet. The most effecting women in games for me are the ones written with pure fantasy in mind; the romance that blossoms in a fairytale manner or where the guy gets the girl after many trials and tribulations.

Film just gives a much more realistic look at interpersonal relationships. I hate to say that, but the quality of storytelling in gaming just isn’t on the same level. To me, games are much better at tackling the atrocities of war or giving players a sense of adventure and meaning. Film and literature is better at capturing love and introspective thoughts.

My honest to goodness favorite romance in a game has to be between Link and Ilia in “Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.” Link never utters a word and Ilia is never portrayed as anything vulgar or mean. The game focuses more on her attention to Link and how his strength pulls them through. There is even a scene in the game that humanizes Link by tempting him with dark power.

It certainly isn’t as strong as the bond that “Ico” forms or even as emotional as many of the Final Fantasy relationships, but the thread between Link and Ilia is so pure and simple. It just makes me happy seeing them together.

I can’t say that video games lack the ability to be sexy. Any form of media can take a sexual idea and spin it into a sexual fantasy that tantalizes the right mind. For me, though, I want my sexual visions to be more realistic. I’m still a virgin and I’m pretty much set on the path to being alone. If I keep myself in pure fantasy land, I’m never going to switch roads into reality.

Sadly, I view almost everything through idealized lenses. I have no doubt that at one point in my life video games will be the only thing that I find sexy. It doesn’t help that more and more games are beginning to explore sex in a more realistic and mature fashion. Sure, something like “Seduce Me” may be a stupid little point and click, but it definitely doesn’t tackle sex with a pre-teen kind of view.

We’re also starting to me a surge of women in the games industry taking the reigns behind projects and lending their own voices and values to scripts. I fully believe that female characters in the not so distant future will be properly written and wholly attractive.

As gaming stands now, though, I do not find it particularly sexy. I have more respect for sexual content in gaming now than I ever used to, but I still honestly just do not get it (both literally and figuratively).