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Hello, Hopefully you can help; I work with a colleague (female) who I have been nearly in a relationship with, sounds strange I know! To back track slightly we have been on the same boat approaching a year. Everything started off great with us being great friends and getting to know each other better and better. The base of any good relationship I believe. After a few months’ things started to get more and more flirtatious until eventually we slept together. On her previous boat she had a relationship. This eventually went sour and she regretted the whole thing. She hated the way the rest of the crew changed how they treated her. Hence she stands by to the old saying of don’t ‘screw the crew’. However what she says and what she does are two different things, and she admits this. Her body language and what’s happened in the bedroom antics say good things. I really like her and I am pretty sure that she feels the same. Yet her feelings for me cannot be strong enough to overcome her principles. She says things like “a boat is no place for a relationship” and “where would we sleep” (all bunk beds!) and in my opinion thinks too much about it all. All I want is to have a relationship with her and take one day at a time. We went through a period of almost being in a relationship that was secret to the rest of the crew. Maybe she just does not like me enough to have to deal with all the extra baggage that she is predicting will come. Or maybe she keeps pushing me away to see how many times I will come back and therefore how much I like her. I am half thinking of making a move, on her … again …! , seeing how she responds and then know where I stand for sure. Obviously there is a danger of a friendship being ruined here yet I don’t just want a friendship! Thanks From a lonely heart

You sound like a very nice guy, and I mean that in the best possible way. You believe that the foundation of a good relationship is a good friendship, you have taken your time and gotten to know her etc... all excellent qualities and indicative of a man who is emotionally mature.

She on the other hand might not be as far along on the maturity ladder as you are. She may not "like you enough" period. She may be more turned on by the illicit aspect of the relationship and when it becomes "real" and open with her peers it loses its allure for her. This smacks of emotional immaturity.

My gut feeling for you is to blow this off and to move on but, If you really care for her you can give it one last shot, and that is to play "hard to get." On principle I'm against this but we humans have been playing these games for millions of years and it's the nature of the beast. A lot of girls are attracted to "bad boys" and they don't know what to do when a nice considerate guy wants to have a relationship with them. Bizarre and dumb but it is what it is. So stop sitting next to her, stop bringing her coffee or any of the countless other thoughtful things you probably do. Go out with your mates and have a laugh about the following day at lunch, maybe mention the sexy Sheila who bought you a shot of Sex on the Foredeck. Get the picture. Be polite but distant. And see what happens. In the meantime if you do meet someone who you like and appreciates what a thoughtful, nice guy you are pursue it. If she asks you why you aren't interested in her anymore you can always say that you were afraid it would risk your friendship...

Of course if she does come around and decide that you are the Yin to her Yang then make sure your bags are packed for the ride on the relationship train. It has it's ups and downs, starts and stops. If you are lucky enough to find a real soul mate you can live and work with in the yachting world (and she doesn't get clucky too soon), the two of you can build an excellent career and lifestyle together. It is rare but it happens, and the potential joint earnings/savings can enable you to not only have a great career together but an excellent financial future for the both of you.