The Muk Report

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Tom Cruise vs. American Psychiatric Association

A while ago I posted about high school drop-out/actor Tom Cruise's recent Scientology-based ramblings. Well, it looks like the dipshit train isn't slowing any time soon.

Cruise recently met with Today Show's Matt Lauer where he went on a predictably silly and animated tirade against the psychiatry profession. The American Psychiatric Association responded to this and I thought it would be cool to put the pieces together to get a glimpse of what a discussion between the two would look like,

American Psychiatric Association: While the APA respects the right of individuals to express their own points of view, science has proven that mental illnesses are real medical conditions that affect millions of Americans.

Tom Cruise: I know that psychiatry is a pseudo science.

American Psychiatric Association: Medications can be an important and even life-saving part of a comprehensive and individualized treatment plan. As in other areas of medicine, medications are a safe and effective way to improve the quality of life for millions of Americans who have mental health concerns.

Tom Cruise: Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that? They're mind-altering, antipsychotic drugs.

American Psychiatric Association: Mental health is a critical ingredient of overall health. It is unfortunate that in the face of this remarkable scientific and clinical progress that a small number of individuals and groups persist in questioning its legitimacy.

Tom Cruise: Here's the problem. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do.

American Psychiatric Association: Over the past five years, the nation has more than doubled its investment in the study of the human brain and behavior.

Tom Cruise: There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance. I don't talk about things that I don't understand.

American Psychiatric Association: God, you are a fucking idiot.

Ok, so I made up the last line. Nonetheless, I would have to say APA: 1, Cruise: 0.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Muk Report: Behind the Scenes

To give you, the reader, some idea of the sheer creative might that propels The Muk Report onward, upward, never downward, but sometimes sideward, I offer you the following alternate headlines for the last post,

"The list of ingredients is long and horrifying, coming right out of the gate with "MECHANICALLY SEPARATED CHICKEN." Oddly enough, I'm about to be separated from my lunch, and I haven't even opened the can yet.

Other ingredients include BEEF TRIPE, BEEF HEARTS, AND "PARTIALLY DE-FATTED COOKED PORK FATTY TISSUE" How does one de-fat fat? Bizarre. God knows what else is in here.

Okay, I'm going to go try it now. If i'm not back in ten minutes, call Poison Control..."

Thursday, June 02, 2005

This Just In... Rich White People Owned Slaves

"Two predecessor banks of Wachovia Corp. (WB) owned slaves before the Civil War, the nation's fourth-largest bank said Wednesday as it made an apology to black Americans."

"We are deeply saddened by these findings," Wachovia Chairman Ken Thompson said in a statement. We apologize to all Americans, and especially to African-Americans and people of African descent."

I have to wonder why Wachovia is apologizing for acts that, though now understood to be morally aberrant and despicable, were commonplace and (unfortunately) legal when they occurred. Thompson, here, is offering contrition and condolences for actions so far removed in space and time from Wachovia that his gesture borders on the absurd.

"John Boyd, the president of National Black Farmers Association, said his group has been picketing and lobbying Wachovia and other banking giants for eight years, urging them to investigate and acknowledge their historical involvement with the slave trade."

Hate to say it, but John Boyd sounds an annoying, misguided prick.

There certainly are individuals who should atone for these wrongdoings, but unfortunately most of these people died MORE THAN A HUNDRED YEARS AGO.

Is Thompson responsible for scouring the historical record and rooting out every entity associated with Wachovia to determine if they were in breach of all of our current laws and mores? Maybe he should be forced to build a fucking time machine and round up the alleged perpetrators and return them for impeachment.