Stealing a Girl Away from Another Guy

October 1, 2008 — Hammer

Tonight’s post is about a subject near and dear to my heart. I am going to talk about how to steal a girl from another guy.

First the why: I hear pick-up artists all the time saying that it’s not worth bothering with a woman that has a boyfriend because there are so many quality women who don’t that it’s not worth your energy. But the thing is, every woman has someone. Most quality women are never totally single. As Lance pointed out in a recent post, even those who claim to be single have fuck buddies. But for the most part, when a woman starts getting dissatisfied in her relationship, she will start looking around for a new guy before she breaks up with her boyfriend.

A lot of the time she won’t actually sleep with the new guy until she breaks up with her boyfriend to avoid being labeled as a cheater or a slut, but that doesn’t mean her mind isn’t wandering. This is where you come in my friend. If a woman is exceptional, you should be that guy.

As a little background, the girl I am currently dating is someone who I first started talking to online when she was single. But shortly after starting to talk to me online, she started dating a new guy. On paper, this guy was amazing. He was eight years older than her (31 to her 23), but he was a pediatrician, ex-peace corps member, financially stable, handsome, etc. Yet she kept talking to me. When she came clean and told me that she was dating this guy, I proceeded to steal her. Here’s how:

Step 1: Mindset – I know that I am the man, and she would be lucky to have me. We have great chemistry, and she clearly agrees because she keeps talking to me despite dating a guy for a while. Also, the fact that she continues speaking to me indicates that despite the fact that he’s perfect on paper, she’s missing that raw animal attraction element because he’s the token “nice guy.” I will use this to my advantage later on.

Step 2: Attraction– One of the most important things that I just mentioned is that she is clearly attracted to me. Her attention is an indicator of interest. But how do you separate friend zone attention from attracted to you attention? All of our conversations had an undertone of sexual tension. Keep in mind that at this point, I hadn’t even met her, yet she still continues to keep me around. Anyway, the point is, no matter what you do, you are not stealing a girl from a quality man without attraction. I’m not going to really go through how to create attraction because there are hundreds of books on this, but suffice it to say that if there’s no attraction, nothing else matters.

Step 3: Avoid Friend Zone – One of my techniques that I use in my online game involves a first date where I beat her in Boggle. It’s a small game that’s very portable, each round is 3 minutes long so it’s quick, and it’s a DHV by showing off your intelligence. In the Tao of Steve, this is the “Do something excellently” step. It also gives a great opportunity to tease which is a fun way of amplifying attraction, as well as the opportunity to sexually escalate by touching, making dirty words, and betting (massages, articles of clothing, etc.) on the games. Anyway, back to my point. Since Boggle is something we had talked about, after telling me that she’s been seeing this guy, she said she still wants me to come over for Boggle. NO. I told her that she can date that guy all she wants, but I am not going to fall into friend zone with her. Use the phrase, “I can be a lot of things to you, but I will NEVER be just your friend.” Tell her that she can’t have her cake and eat it too. If she wants to date the safe guy, that’s fine, but she’s not going to get to enjoy my conversations as well.

Step 4: Walk Away – Now that you’ve put your foot down and made it clear that you’re not going to be her friend, the ball is in her court. If she contacts you again, it’s on!

Step 5: Date Other Women – You don’t want to come off as desperate. The best way to do this is to not be desperate. Date other women. Fuck other women. She’s fucking another man. Don’t feel bad about it.

Step 6: Be Honest – Let her know that you really like her and you think that you could have something with her, but you are not going to wait around for her relationship with this other guy to go sour. Be clear about the fact that you are dating other people, and that you have dated LOTS of people and know from experience that she is different. Make it clear that you are very picky, and it’s a very rare occurrence for a woman of her quality to come along, so she has until the next one does to change her mind (Disclaimer: Do not do this unless you are looking to get into a long term relationship with her. If this is just a conquest for you, don’t try and steal her from the other guy, it’s mean and dishonest. You can tell her that she shouldn’t be with that guy because she’s not attracted to him, but don’t present yourself as a viable option if you’re not).

Step 7: Positive Feedback Loop – This is one of the most incredible phenomena of dating. Mystery coined this and it’s fucking gold. What Mystery said is that if you do something to attract a woman, then after you’ve attracted her you tell her what you did and why she found it attractive, this will amplify attraction exponentially. Well as it turns out, this can prove very useful in stealing her as well. To initiate this feedback loop in your favor, you simply explain to her how you know that she likes you and the other guy isn’t right for her, and then tell her how you’re different. For example, I said something to the effect of “If you were really attracted to him, you wouldn’t be talking to a guy trying to steal you from him. I know he looks great on paper, but I can tell you don’t really like him. In fact, I know why you don’t like him. You don’t like him because he’s TOO NICE. He’s indecisive, he doesn’t call you out on your shit, he doesn’t tease you.” She responded to this by telling me about how true it is, and how they’d be at his house with nothing to do, and to break the silence, she’d suggest that they watch a movie, and then he’ll ask her what she wants to watch, she’ll ask what he wants to watch, and he’ll throw it back at her until she chooses.

Step 8: Make Your Move – Tell her to leave the guy. Tell her that you can’t guarantee that you’ll end up in a relationship with her, but she is clearly not happy in the relationship she’s in and thus should leave regardless of whether she wants to be with you or not. Pad this with the fact that while you don’t know for sure, you do think that there is a lot of potential between the two of you and you have a lot of experience with this so you feel pretty optimistic.

So that’s it. That is how you do it. If you get derailed at any point in this process, move on. Chances are she’ll re-initiate, and if she does, back up about half a step and give her a little refresher of the last successful step before moving on to the one that was problematic. If she doesn’t, NEXT. To round out my story, I ended up getting her to break up with the pediatrician via phone and text message without having ever met her. Do I worry about her getting stolen by another guy? No, not really, because I am maintaining attraction. I may lose her for other reasons, but I have promised myself that I will not lose her by developing nice guy syndrome. Also, when you’re dating an exceptionally beautiful woman, you will always have to deal with vultures. Just because she broke up with another guy to get with you doesn’t make her any more likely to leave you for a new guy than if you had met her when she was totally single.