Rammbling 9ja Babe

January 4, 2010

Sooo...whats up people? Happy new year jare. Been a hot minute hasn't it? well, my school and work combo will not kill me. Anyways, i used to be a journal girl. As in seriously o! As at 2 years ago, I would write down what happened during the day, and all the feelings I felt during that day. But after a while, it just got kinda old and i sha fashied that one. lol. But i didn't throw any of my journals away and i tell you! it is amazing when you go back and read that stuff. Kinda like, did i do that?! no way was i thinking that! awww hell no she didn't! and so on and so forth. it was quite an experience for me yesterday, i just spent half the day reading my old journals and trying to remember what the hell i was talkng about. lol. So, while on my journey down memory lane, i came across this

THE LETTERS OF HAPPINESS

A- ACCEPTAccept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives or action.

B- BREAK AWAYBreak away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.

C- CREATECreate a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows and happiness with.

D- DECIDEDecide that you'll be successful and happy come what may and good things will find you. the roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way

E- EXPLOREExplore and experiment! the world has much to offer, and you have much to give. Everytime you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.

F- FORGIVEForgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

G- GROWLeave the childhood monsters behind, they can no longer hold you down or stand in your way

H- HOPEHope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.

I- IGNOREIgnore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.

J- JOURNEYJourney to new worlds, new possiblities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new everyday, and you'll grow.

K- KNOWKnow that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follow the harshest winter.

L-LOVELet love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is your heart, there's room for endless happiness.

M- MANAGEManage your time and your expenses wisely and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.

November 6, 2009

hey my toothaches, what's good? Big news! My bday's coming up in 12 days! yes o! i'm counting it. lol. initially, i wasn't going to do anything but some of my girls started pressurizing me and now i'm just as excited as they are. So there is no grand plans but we're just going to hangout at a little fancy-like resturant and then go clubbing. At least that was the plan. A plan that i didn't come up with o! it was suggested to me and i thought it would be nice. But now, two of the very same babes who put this idea into my head are beginning to act crazy.

STELLAThis friend of mine is a serious party animal. She knows where the party's at, who'll be there, what will go down. To the extent that the couple of times i've gone clubbing with her, when we get to the door they just take on look at her and go, 'hey babe, come in come in' she's that popular at parties. Anyways, last week we were chatting online.

Me- chic, which club you go recommend make we go na?

Stella- Bibi, I be wan talk to you sha

Me- wetin happen?

Stella- I nor go fit go your bday with you?

Me- why?

Stella- my new bf nor like party

Me- so leave am for house

Stella- no, he nor like make I dey go party too

Me- u serious?

Stella- I beg nor vex

Nor vex? Of course I'm vexed! lol. But truthfully this conversation just made me laugh one of my ass cheeks off because I remember her last bf didn't like her wearing makeup, so chic gave away all her MAC! To be truthful, I helped her throw away some of them into my makeup kit. After I berated her for changing herself for a man of course. lol. I told her iit would be fun to see what the next bf wants her to stop doing

LAILAShe's a very good friend of mine. Known her for a while. Just last night I got a text msg

Bibi, pls call me. I wannna talk about ur bday. If u still wanna go to the club I won't come and I hope u won't do that. And I want to invite you to something at my church.

Now this msg made me laugh my second ass cheek off because of the hint of 'I'm now a born again christian' in it. Which would have made sense if Laila hadn't just moved in with her boyfriend a month ago. I called my friend back and told her, here you are, 'living in sin' with your bf and you're trying to preach to me? I beg remove the crap in your eye before you try removing mine. Now, I'm not even mad that they're not coming. Matter of fact, I understand. I just think its funny that's all. lol

October 29, 2009

Hey my toothaches, how have y'all been doing? miss me much? *nods* i thought so. lol. Anyways, i don miss una die o! A little birdie told me that while i was on my little trip, some of my dearly beloved bloggers departed! How true is that?! But i will try not to dwell on sad memories and move on with my blogging life. So, down to business. This is a continuation of a post i did a loooong while back. never thought i would continue it but last week something happened that got my knickers in a knot nor be small. It all began when my friend got her hair braided. Now, those of you females who are abroad know what i mean when i say that i have never braided my hair since i crossed Alhaji Murtala Mohammed airport. walai talai! Because those things they call braids over here heh! Since i came into this country, i have had this recurring nightmare that i will step into a salon to get my hair braided and come out looking like medusa. *shudders* (yes o, it is that serious) But as i was saying, i saw my friend's braids and was never the same again. (reciting poetry) Just imagine; long silky tresses with smooth twists, smooth twists that cry of the mastery of their maker! smooth long tresses that run the length of her back! smooth long tresses that made me hunger to be under the Ikeja bridge on a hot sweaty day, having five people poke their hands up in my head and give me headache that lasts for weeks. smooth long tresses that... Heh...i'm sure you get my point. So as i was saying, i saw my friend's hair o! and if you see the way i begged her for the number of the person who made such a master piece heh? you would have thought that i was a starved man begging for bread. well, in a way, i was. so, long story short, it was a couple of Camerounian girls who had just came into the country and i got an appointment to make my hair that very same day. I got to their house and they started braiding my hair. as they were in the middle of it, some friends of theirs came over and them con start to speak their pidgin english. And from what i could understand which is most of it, apparently these babes nor get kpali(legal papers)and according to them, they can get it by only two ways.

1. Marry a not so wise guy who is aware that you have no papers but convince him that you have fallen in love with him in the two weeks since you met him and get him to marry you in a month.

2. Sit in front of a panel of investigators and lie that you are seeking asylum from the on going war in your country and risk going to jail for the rest of your not so longer long life if you misanswer one of the about five thousand questions they ask you.

Tough decision that. Now according to these girls, the cons about option 1 is that the Camerounian community here is very small and when a guy "courts" you, he will want to sample the goods abi? and before you find the mugu you are looking for, word don spread say you dey spread your leg. their words, not mine. which leaves us with option number two. As they started rehearsing the answer to the questions, curiosty got the best of me and i asked them a question. Bad move.

chic 1: i go back to me country instead of marry Nigeria boy. them evil

Me; so how we go take help if una nor go even marry us?

chic 2; una know road for this country well well. una suppose show us how to get una kine job, show us road

chic 1: but una stay together, nor make friends with anybody else but nigeria, carry your nose for air like say the rest of us dey smell. una feel too good than us. we are neighbours, you suppose to help us

me: no, i nor know anything. una think say na only una dey come here come suffer? everybody comes here and suffer. before we get jobs we suffer too. you know what your problem is, you come here expecting miracles and maybe because people have told you that in America, there are trees of money and all you have to do is pluck. and now you think that we Nigerians have hidden this tree in our backyards

I nor know why but when i start to get pissed off, i subconciously switch to grammar. lol go figure.

Chic 3: no, no its not like that. okay, there are a lot of nigerians here right? and because of that you all know things and how they work so you help eachother but you don't tell nobody these things to help them too.

chic 1; because them are selfish! and wicked! i used to have this nigerian boyfriend. for 2 years, him nor give me 1 penny. nor even buy me vaseline.

chic 2: and the girls, dem think they are too all that. and try to steal your man.

me: i beg i beg, lets not even go into that. i be just dey ask about the asylum thing. every foreign country get the thing when dem dey take lie if them dey look for papers. if una own na asylum, do your thing. but see una dey say Nigerian nor dey help people. but since i dey here na curse una just dey curse us. how i go take help una like that? if say i get job or something when i for fit help you with, you think say i go tell u now?

that definately shut them up. and really truely, my aunt just opened aan African shop and she is looking for workers she can pay "under the table" and if those chicas hadn't opened their mouth to utter such insults i would have hooked them up. but now, how can i let them work for my aunt who is a Nigerian? make them nor carry their hateration enter her shop i beg. so, too bad.

But before we got into our little debate, one of the girls told a story of how she got her own asylum. Apparently, when they started asking her her questions, she started to falter. smart babe when she be, she turned her problem to her advantage. the investigator guy asked her what made her run away from Cameroun. The babe say when he ask her that one, her head nor fit find any answer so she tell am say them rape her. she said she bent her head because she dey think for her head say, "na im be this! dem don catch me today" but the man mistook her palava for shame and said "its okay, its okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. i understand that it is painful for you and i'm sorry. but i just still have to ask you a couple of questions. do you think you are up to that?" the babe say she nod head like person when never eat for weeks. the guy con tell her to expand on how she was raped. the kine tory when this babe come up with heh? and me i thought i had an imagination. she tell the man say after they raped her, she had a baby but that some villagers came and threw her baby into a fire because the man who raped her was from the tribe they were fighting against. of course none of this is true. the babe laughed so hard after relating the story, i actually felt sorry for that investigator man. Genius right?! the babe is too much. but you know how the oyibos are out to save the world. they take a little fight between two communities and when they say it on the news, you would think they were talking about world war III. Now, i'm not saying that they are wrong or that it is wrong of them to help but you have to admit that sometimes they tend to get carried away. especially in relation to Africa.

I remember one time in Warri when they were having one of the ishekiri and ijaw fights. i was going back to uniben that day and i took the Edegbe line. Deal is, when you have lived in Warri for a while, you tend to get used to their tantrums. and you learn where to go and when to go there at this period of time when they are doing this certain thing. so even if they are fighting, life goes on. most of the markets are still open, people still go to school and life goes on as usual. now, i'm not saying that they don't have really major fights where the state is really closed down, because they do. but this particular fight was a mild one. when i got to Benin that day, i was watching CNN when i heard..."there is a major war crisis on going between two tribes in the city of warri, delta state in Nigeria. This war has been going on concurrently for the past two weeks and the government fears that there is no stopping them this time. the market places are shut down, schools are closed and people are living in fear in their houses of being sluttered to death at the hands of these blood thirsty touts. As of now, the governement is contemplating sending in wagons of food into the state..." In Naija, say who die! anyways, you understand when i say, they tend to over exaggerate.

August 29, 2009

Hey y'all, what's good? so much has been happening recently but i'm just taking them in stride. we'll talk about those later. But for today, i have a beef with BSNC but we will get there in time. lolSo, i ususally take an aerobics class every thursdays at my gym and its actually fun! but initially, i thought the instructor was a glutton for punishment (actually, she still is). she just loves to see someone in pain! as in serious pain. its funny now that i'm used to it but it wasn't initially o! i felt like strangling the skinny b*. lol. not anymore though. So last thursday, i got to class a little bit early and started doing some warm ups. and in walks these two chics. they are gym buddies cos i've seen them a couple of times. you know all those notice me types abi? Those types that walk into the gym with some kind of hot pant and bra thingy lol, the type that climb on the bikes and "work out" for a really long time but not even one ounce of sweat will pour from their bodies because they have the resistance set on 0? which is just as easy as playing ten-ten? yep, that's the kind of chics they are. no pun intended. lol. so this particular day, they walked into the class and just started doing all sorts of stretches and jumping up and down. as we were about to start, the punisher asked if there was any newbites and the girls waved. she told them that the rules of the class was that you could not stop unless going for a water break but even your water break should not last for more than a minute and even then, one part of your body must be moving. like, you can be drink your water but your legs should still be in sync with the class. lol. the girls were like "no probs" "no probs".

CHIC1- we usually work out for 3 hours everyday so this should be a child's play. hahahaha

THE PUNISHER- okay, just remember that you can't leave midway.

CHIC1, CHIC2- no probs, no probs

the punisher was like take your places and all that. we all lined up and started our warm up session. its usually a one hour class. 15 mins warm up, 30 mins work out, 15 mins cool down. so we start the warm up session(which is not a child's play o!). these chics where beside me and within about 8 mins they are panting heavily. which is normal for a first timer. but what got me cracking was when the punisher said "okay! i'm sure everyone's warmed up now! so lets get started!" they chics exclaimed seriously o!

CHIC1- Warmed up! o God!

CHIC2- We're not even started?! so what have we been doing since!

we start the main koko and these girls were almost crying o. The punisher saw them and started laughing (i told you she's a glutton for punishment abi?) their pain made her focus on them entirely. she moved to where they were and started "coaching" them. Bad thing is, she had her microphone on so everyone could hear her talking. no scratch that. everyone could hear her shouting. lol

THE PUNISHER- i thought you said you work out for 3 hours everyday?! well, it sure ain't showing now! work those abs! i can see you've been eating one too many doughnuts huh?!

CHIC2- no!

THE PUNISHER- it hurts?!

CHIC1- y...yes

THE PUNISHER- Good. hehehehehe! twenty more to go!

i pity for those girls heh! before the class was even over, they were already lying on the floor. and the punisher had to send them out so people wouldn't step on them. worse of all, the walls of the class are made of glass and some guys outside who enjoy a little bit of voyeurism usually stand and watch. they laughed at these chics heh! even by the time the class was over and i was leaving, they were still talking about "the girls who didn't have no stamina".

So, finally we get to BSNC's part. let me state my case. as we all know, the accused did a special on her 50th post, (yeah yeah wharever). and at the end of the post, she did a dedication to every blogger you can think of. verrrrrrrrry long list! (so tey, i tire to read am). but you know what aggrevation she committed?! she "forgot" imagine that, "fooorgoot" to put my name!!!!. chei!!!! i have suffered nor be small! so Bibi is now so easy to forget abi? after all these years of friendship, you would think that...never mind *sobs* but blogsville, is it fair? *sobs* isn't this an infringement on my right as a friend? *sobs* what on heaven or earth have i done to deserve such...such abandonment? *sobs* Okay o! i understand that Bibi does not qualify as a blogger anymore *sobs* okay o, no wahala. its all good. *walks dejectly to the corner*But before i go, i am putting up a poll. if you agree that an injustice was done to the defendant, please vote from these options.

August 14, 2009

Hey people, whats good? first of all, let me say that it feels so good to be blogging again. long time no keypad. anyways, how has everyone been? any new bloggers i don't know about? i guess i have to look up sting on that one. lolAlot has been happening and has happened in the bit i've been away. from my card getting charged a ridiculous amount for a porno site, to me falling in love with a 86 year old man.(really, not.lol). it as been a wild ride since i've been away and i can't wait to share with you guys and get your opinions again. Lemme tell you guys about the porno thing. A couple of weeks ago, i was trying to buy some shoes and I gave the sales clerk my ATM/debit card and she told me that it was rejected. What do you mean by rejected? i have been working my ass off for the past couple of weeks and that account was supposed to be the fruit of my labor so what do you mean by it was rejected? (well, i didn't exactly tell her that but i definately thought it!) i immediately went online to check my account. my savings was still intact but my checkings was reading -$495.00!!! for what?!!. i called the bank up immediately. if you see the list of websites that i had "supposedly" subscribed to heh, the names of some of the made me blush, if you can imagine that! sites like brazzers, f***dhard18, animeplanet, and so on and so forth. the sites ran up to a total of 12! 12 porno sites! me ke?! i have not even graduated from my little romance novels that talk about things like his manhood and her secret place, talk less of sites with names like f***dhard?! I was asked to go to my bank and file a report. i was cool with it until i got there. i was sent to the office of this drop dead georgous guy who was to attend to me. chei! your girl has suffered sha! see what i went through

DROP DEAD GORGEOUS DUDE- Miss Bibi i see that your account was overcharged due to some subscriptions to some...adult sites

ME- Err...yeah. i mean, so i heard

DDGD- yeah well, i'll ask you the names of these websites and you'll tell me if you recognise any of them okay?

ME- sure

DDGD- Erm... most of these sites where posted between the period of June the 30th and July the 4th. the first is for a site called brazzers.com. do you recognise them?

ME- unless they sell brasiers, i don't believe i know of them.

DDGD- (laughs)no, they definately do not sell brasiers. the next is for bigboobiesintheoffice.com. do you know of that?

ME- nope

DDGD- okay, the next is for f***dhard18.com do you recognize that one?

ME- Err...no, i don't.

DDGD-the next says, lesbianlovers.com are you a... i mean, do you recognise this one?

ME- no i don't and no i'm not a lesbian

DDGD- i didn't ask you if you were

ME- you were about to

DDGD- no i wasn't and the next is...

ME- look, i haven't recognised the ones you just asked why do you think i'll recognise the others?

DDGD- Ma'am, i have to do this okay?

ME- okay

DDGD- the next is...(stretching tie) ma'am, would you mind if i just gave you this list to go through instead of reading them...

ME- the list would be fine thanks

from supertitties to amazingbutts to analslut and so on and so forth. by the time we were done, he had released his tie like, seven times. lol. and as for me, my ears felt so dirty. i was so embarrassed! and i had to fight the urge to scream at him, 'i didn't use all these sites okay, so next question!!!" but i had to seat there and endure all the...names. just by hearing the names, i'm sure my little laptop will crash if i even type in the names. na wa sha! although i have no issues with this person watching porno, my question is why did they decide to use my card for their viewing pleasure? anyways, my money was refunded after a whole bunch of drama. thank God for that.

P.S- did i mention that i didn't actually subscribe to those sites? someone was just using my card illegally. yeah well, just wanted to clear the air on that one. lolBy the way, i finished my script! Yay! i just had to because i had another story eating me up. i just started my second called DYNASTY. yay me! lol

June 10, 2009

Hey y'all, whats good jare? wetin dey happen? i know i have been kind of a disappearing act lately but the stress that comes with leaving a job and getting a new one has gotten to me. but i have it under lockdown now so, i'll be fine. And because of my long voyage from blogsville, i haven't been commenting on people's blog but i'm back now. kinda. lol. anyways, last week i went to an aunts house to take her shopping for some shoes. this aunt of mine has three teenage boys and they had a friend staying over for the summer. i thought teenage boys were supposed to be gangly, awkward and shy? immediately i saw their friend Tyler, i was dismissed of that motion. quick quick! Tyler started staring at me the minute i walked in the door. and i don't mean the annoying stare but rather the nerve racking kind of stare that you feel at the back of your neck. and it would have helped if Tyler looked like the average 18 year old boy. He doesn't! He has the kind of body a 27 year old man would be proud of. Plus he has it imprinted in his head that i am the love of his life. na wa o! so like i said, last week i went over to their house and i could already feel his eyes on me. Now, I have a lot of male cousins and nephews so i'm used to their friends having crushes on me. i am also used to catching them staring at my boobs or my ass but the thing is, immediately i catch them, they take their eyes away. But Tyler? Tyler did not take his eyes away o! Rather, he stared at me some more then gave me a cute smile. i was amused but i thought it would end there. Lai lai. This boy waited for me outside.

Tyler- Hi

Me- Hey, You going somewhere?

T- no, i was just waiting for you

Me- really? why?

T- i think you know why Bibi

Me- Actually i don't

T- really? well, if you're going to act all missish about it, i'll come out blunt with it. i think i'm in love with you

At this stage, i was in shock. not because of what he said, but because of how he said it! he was even looking me straight in the eyes. How bold!

see me see trouble o. anyway, to cut a long story short, dude keeps on bugging my life. and the funny thing is that, i find myself thinking "if he weren't so young..." too bad i don't do teenagers.

so, on saturday i was in a family friends house, who happens to be pregnant. And i was over at her house when she decided to fall into labour. funny thing is, i came there with the bus and her husband used the car to work. so we were carless. I quickly called a cab and they said they would be there in 45 minutes! she would have had the baby by then for Chrissakes! she told me to go knock on her neighbour's door and ask if they would drop her off at the hospital.

NEIGHBOUR 1Knock' knock'

Potbelly dude- yeah, what u want?

Me- Errr....your neighour? my friend...she kinda needs a ride to the hospital because she just feel into labour.

Potbelly dud- which neighbour?

Me- the Kenyan lady who lives downstairs?

Potbelly dude- Oh, the dark skinned lady with the big boobs?

Me- (nods)

Potbelly dude- damn! she pregnant? for real? didn't know that. Damn! all y'all ladies just knocked up these days mehn. can't find a single lady who ain't got a kid anymore. thats messed up son.

Me- right. so, what about the ride?

Potbelly dude- Ehm...you gon have to call a cab or something for that shit babe. ain't got time for that. straight up.

Me- thanks

NEIGHBOUR 2

Knock' Knock'

Big hair chic- yeah?

Me- Hi, sorry to wake you up but my friend who lives downstairs said to ask you if you can give her a ride to the hospital cos she's kind of in labour right now.

Big hair- she's in labour?

Me- Err...yeah

Big hair- Awww shit. okay, well i have to walk pookey first before i can talk her. my baby hasn't been out today. so, i'll just take her for a quick stroll then i'll come take her to the hospital okay?

SAY WHAT?!! is it just me or did in just say that she is in labour?

NEIGHBOUR 3

Knock' Knock'

same ol story just this time he told me to leave him the hell alone. Thats most American neigbours for you. lol

May 10, 2009

Hey y'all, whats good? first of all, i have to apologize to everyone who commented on my previous posts. i haven't been replying your comments because i haven't had a computer at my disposal for a while now. So i've been using my phone to hop in and out of blogsville for the past couple of weeks. Anyways, i know the topic has you itching. sugar daddy? well, i have to disappoint you a little. i don't have a real life sugar daddy. At least not the last time i checked. lol. But i kinda have one that provides for me. Before y'all get on my case, lemme explain. So, last summer i decided to spoil myself with a new phone. A rather expensive one but i was willing to buy it and so i did. Or i think i did. since i use tmobile, i gave them a call and ordered the phone. The customer representative guy told me that they would send me the bill (which was $380) along with my monthly, so i kukuma chilled. My monthly bill came and it was just the way it always was. no 380 included. Being a christian babe that i am (clears throat) i called them and told them that they forgot to send me the phone bill. They said they would the next month and i said okay. Next month came and went, no phone bill. Imagine me and my mouth wen dey scratch me, i called them again! imagine that! i know, i know, but sometimes my conscience makes me do things...*sighs* Anyways, i called them again and they told me the same thing. "we will include the cost to your next month's bill". The next bill sha came again and like before, the phone cost was not in it. This time i didn't call them to tell them anything o! na their business be that. Months went by and early January this year, i decided to axt stupid and receive a phone call while i was standing in the rain waiting for a bus although i had an umbrella. Matter of fact, it was BSNC who i was talking to so blame her for me. lol. Anyways, after the phone call i got home and tried using my precious but it was off and refused to come on. I called the tmobile people and they asked me to check that lil paper at the battery side of the phone that was supposed to be white? Mine was pink! That meant that the phone had been water damaged. They agreed to send me another phone but i had to pay them an extra $100. what will i do na? i agreed. I got my new phone a couple of days later and when the monthly bill came again, i didn't see any $100 charge. Since i was broke that period, i didn't even call to notify them of their mistake. which one be my own? so, just last week here, my precious just froze. He refused to work. No matter which of his button i pressed, he just sat there looking and me. His lights weren't even blinking! So i called my people again o. Let me just digress at this point and advice all the ladies. If you ever need a favor from your phone company, DO NOT TALK to a female representative. They are mean! seriously. when i called, i talked to this lady. i already knew she was going to give me trouble. Imagine she told me that i had to send my phone to them for inspection and after two weeks, they would decide if they will give me a new one or not. Imagine that! Never ever, in my history with tmobile has anyone ever told me that. i sha asked this lady what she expected me to use during those two weeks when they will be "deciding". She adviced me to go to a tmobile shop and get a rental phone for $100. I laughed in her ears and told her to forget it. I didn't even know they had rental phones. na wa o! Anyways, i hung up and called back after about 30 mins. i knew i was going to talk to another representative. Lucky enough for me it was a guy. i turned on the charm and tuned into the sexy voice. I got not only a new phone but a new battery and charger for my efforts. lol. My memory card has crashed and i think i'll call to talk a new one out of them soon. All under a phone i haven't paid for. That's my suga dadda. lol

Why I'm here

Followers

TRUE WORDS

"When old people speak it is not because of the sweetness of words in our mouths; it is because we see something which you do not see.” -Chinua Achebe

"When suffering knocks at your door and you say there is no seat for him, he tells you not to worry because he has brought his own stool.” -Chinua Achebe

"For Africa to me... is more than a glamorous fact. It is a historical truth. No man can know where he is going unless he knows exactly where he has been and exactly how he arrived at his present place.” -Maya Angelou