Background

1.11.2011

It snowed Sunday. Walk into church: raining. Get out of Sacrament precisely one hour later: Snowing. It's not that I don't like the sub freezing temperatures or the higher electric bill OR fear of getting in car accidents... I just don't think snow is worth the ice. :(

It's pretty though. Thought it was crazy when I got word that it was snowing in Mesa.

Just read a blog post from a good friend that spoke of her journey to get pregnant. Brought me close to tears. (Yeah! She finally did after a year or so, apparently.) But it made me a little sad. Always want what you can't have, right?

BIG NEWS

Andrew is going back to school FULL TIME. He officially turned in his 2 week notice last week to Chase. I am excited for him to be able to blow through school, however a small part of me just wants the whole thing to be over with. You know, the classes, the homework, the studying for exams. I thought that was over for me years ago. But I won't mind helping out. I miss being busy like that. The more part is that I just want our "real life" to start. You know, the house, pickett fence, big dog in the yard playing with the kids, the black SUV sitting in the garage (b/c I refuse to drive a mini-van). But then I get hit in the face and realize: This is real life.

The struggle. The hopes. The dreams. The failures. The emotions. The hard work. The sacrifices. The longing. The future. All these things depend on what we do now... And I know how rough it might become for us. But I also know what a blessing it will be.

I am also coming full circle to really understand how much of a woman I really am. (always the "tom-boy") How I can't let anyone else help me... and whatever goes wrong is my fault. And that I don't deserve the best. That I am responsible for every short coming I have. I know these are all just limitations I place on myself... blame on myself. But I'm trying to work around them. Trying to overcome them. I've been EXTREMELY emotional lately and it makes me angry. My eyes tear up to the brim and I refuse to let them fall. Mostly I'm angry because I don't like to cry. And sme times it doesn't make sense to cry!

Sorry this was a bummer post. I am just writing to see what revelations come out.