Schools across the United States assign students weapons

Since the most recent school shooting in Florida, politicians and lawmakers have been coming up with more and more ideas to make schools safer for students. One such idea brought up recently was the idea to give some teachers firearms. That way, if any shooters came through the school, the teachers and students would be able to fight back.

Although this idea was met with backlash from across the country initially, many have come to see the advantages of this solution.

One professor at Roosevelt claimed it would be good for his class. “Maybe if I had a gun, my students would quiet down faster when I walked into the room,” the professor, who has asked to remain nameless, said.

An initial issue parents had with the idea was what would happen if a gun accidentally went off in class. To solve this issue, the White House has sent out a budget change that would provide schools across the country with a bulletproof vest for each student. These vests would be worn at all times by students in order to reduce the risk of fatal injuries from guns in the classroom.

Some schools in Texas have taken this security measure even further by arming the students as well as teachers in schools. The students will now each receive a gun during their fifth grade graduation in most districts, complete with customized handles and magazines with their names on them, so as to eliminate confusion later as to whose gun is whose in the locker room.

Teachers have even begun creating punishments around these new tools, punishing students who are acting up by taking away their gun, leaving them vulnerable for a specified amount of time. So far, this technique has proven to be very effective.

In other school districts, like in North and South Carolina, administrators have begun to try the same security measures by giving young students various weapons for self defense in case of a shooter. Some of these various weapons include clubs, tasers, bows and arrows as well as medieval style catapults capable of throwing items up to 100 pounds and 1,000 feet.

Their reasoning? The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a catapult.

A student at Raleigh Middle School was very surprised by this rapid change in her school system.

“I’ve felt much safer at school since they implemented these new policies and assigned us each some weapons of our own. Although we have had a few close calls,” the student said.

The incident Williams is referring to took place just last week, when a student in the restroom was startled by the entry of another student and shot through the stall with his assigned handgun. The shot narrowly missed the other student and became lodged in the pipes below the counter of sinks, causing a subsequent flood.

Despite this incident, many schools are still planning to keep the new systems in place, certain that a few close calls are a better gamble than being unprepared in the event of a shooter.

“It is fairly normal to have a few issues with a new set of policies at the beginning. However, I am confident that we will be able to work out the kinks within a week or two,” said a police officer in Raleigh.

Moving forward, schools across the nation will be implementing changes similar to these within the coming weeks. After all, enough is enough.

*This is an article from the Scorch, the annual satire issue of the Torch*