Chattahoochee Chatter: Hang on, Jerry, we’ll get back to you

Before we get started today, we’d like to explain that when we here at Chattahoochee Chatter hear some chatter, we like to have our reporters -- who by the way comprise the Chattahoochee Valley’s largest news team -- call the subjects of the chatter and check the chatter out.

Which means that if a reporter calls and asks you a question about something that shows up in this column, it doesn’t mean that the reporter is the author of Chattahoochee Chatter. It just means the reporter was helping us get things right.

Got it, Jerry Luquire?

Never miss a local story.

Sign up today for unlimited digital access to our website, apps, the digital newspaper and more.

Seems that Mr. Luquire was under the impression he had pulled back the curtain. Oh, and in case you think he’s shy about getting publicity, Luquire also wondered why our segment on Sunday sales referring to him as “the world’s strongest opposition” -- not to be confused with “the most interesting man in the world” -- didn’t lead the column.

And really, Jerry, it’s a good question. The Sunday sales situation will get pretty darned interesting when it lands in the hands of Columbus government.

We hope Jerry won’t mind if we start things off with some courtroom humor.

Seems that during a guilty plea hearing in the courtroom of Chattahoochee Judicial Circuit Court Chief Judge John Allen, the defense attorney expressed concern that having a criminal record might prevent his client from attending the University of Iowa, where he was on football scholarship.

To which Judge Allen replied, “He can always go to Auburn.”

The courtroom erupted into raucous laughter -- where were all the Auburn fans? -- and then a chuckling Allen ordered his last comment to be struck from the record.

For the record, Allen is a graduate of Tuskegee University and has a law degree from a certain SEC school in Gainesville, Fla.

Speaking of the Chattahoochee Judicial Circuit, we hear that prosecutor Crawford Seals is leaving his job as an assistant district attorney for the circuit to work for the U.S. Attorney’s office.

Seals declines to comment on the move because he fears federal budget cuts may affect the position he’s planning to take.

Let us pray.

Just wanting to introduce a bit of solemnity to these proceedings, as we’ve learned that the Rev. Brad Hicks is back in Columbus every month to lead a community Bible study.

The next session starts at 3:30 p.m. April 17 at the FOP Lodge on Heiferhorn Way, off Whitesville Road, but dessert will be served a half hour earlier.

Hicks is the former pastor of Wynnbrook Baptist Church, which he led for more than 25 years before resigning in October of 2008. According to his web site, www.drbradhicks.com, Hicks and his wife Sandy now live in Franklin, Tenn., where he’s spent the last year writing a book called “God’s Word About Fear.”

Might he be testing the waters for a return to Columbus?

Anybody missing Kurt Schmitz, the meteorologist who was unceremoniously dumped like a heavy spring downpour by WTVM over the weekend?

We’re feeling a bit nostalgic here, especially with all the rain lately. Seems that Kurt was the guy who blew the cover off Rain Gauge Gate in 2003.

If you’re not a geek, you probably don’t remember that in 1994 the National Weather Service replaced real-live meteorologists at the Columbus airport station with something called an Automated Surface Observing System, which is a mighty fancy name for a rain gauge.

Along with retired WRBL weatherman Doug Wallace -- yes, the guy who threw the chalk in the air and tried to catch it -- Schmitz began to notice that the automated system was way less accurate than rain gauges being monitored by human beings like himself and he began reporting this to his audience.

The attention helped lead to corrections by the NWS, which in 2000 started requiring a human to check the gauge every day to ensure it was working properly.

Thanks, Kurt. And good luck with the job hunt.

Have something to share with the Chattahoochee Valley’s chattering class? Email your tip to chatter@ledger-enquirer.com