I can’t tell you how relieved I feel. I’ve never been laid off before, and a part of me was worried it might never happen. I mean, if you want to go skydiving, you can knock that shit out in a weekend, weather permitting. Hunting lions in the Serengeti with nothing more than a loincloth and a flint knife? Takes a week to schedule, tops.

But a lay off, that takes serious coordination. You can’t wake up in the morning and just decide “Ok, this it. I’m gonna get laid off today.” It requires an entire corporate machine. A guy (if he’s just plain unlucky) could go his whole life without experiencing that. Not me, man. Knocked that shit out at 27. I just cannot tell you what a load off my mind it is.

Anyhow, here’s my portfolio. Look at it, won’t you? Spread it around. Cause now that I’ve taken care of “get laid off”, I’m really eager to cross “set world record for being re-hired” off my list. Maybe I’m being too optimistic, but I achieved getting laid off last Friday. I mean, come on.

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