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Emma Freud's best iPhone covers

This month - iPhone covers have a sexytime moment. By Emma Freud...

18 Mar 2014

Tuesday 18 March 2014

[Gallery]

Hand-holding cover

An iPhone cover and a friend in one. Imagine if you will, the following scenarios. 1) Weirdo comes up to you on the street and tries to get friendly – take out your phone, cuddle it and he will run in opposite direction. 2) Son refuses to hold your hand while you’re walking to school as he is now 17... hold your iPhone instead. 3) Retract arm into your sleeve, hold end of iPhone in fingers and allow the hand to peep out of the end of your shirt. Take knife in other hand and pretend to cut off your own wrist, allowing iPhone with hand to fall to the floor. Then shout, ‘Oh no, I’ve dropped my phone’ really loudly. Get sectioned. £30 at strapyaworld.com

Breast cover

It was only ever a matter of time before the world of silicone products and the world of iPhone covers joined forces to invent the Breast iPhone Cover. I feel strongly about including it because a) every purchase raises money for breast cancer research; b) it’s very pleasing to handle, whatever your sexual leanings; and c) this is the first time I’ve put the word ‘breast’ into my column and I know my editor will be proud of me. Triple proud. Breast. Quadruple, actually. £8.50 at savingbreasts.com

Beer-opening cover

Those who are acquainted with me will know I have rarely been known to say no when offered a drink of the alcoholic variety. And as I have matured in years, my tipple of choice has progressed from beverages of the grape variety to that of the hop. It takes a little longer to ingest the same level of alcoholic units in a beer as it does in wine or vodka, therefore creating fewer opportunities for disastrous overconsumption that results in making a total git of oneself and waking up in one’s clothes while dribbling. For those Corona days where a bottle opener is not instantly at hand, welcome to my emergency iPhone cover. £5.50 at ibottleopener.com.au

Crank-charge cover

How much do you love iOS7? Me, I adore it. Partly because it comes straight out of the head of design genius Jony Ive – but also because it’s aesthetically and systematically gorgeous in every way... except one. A fully charged phone battery now doesn’t get me through until lunch without going as flat as Tom Daley’s stomach. Well, hello the Hand Winder for iPhone Power. It’s a tiny workout for your triceps and a full eco-charge, all in one handy phone cover. Keep it in your bag at all times, and think of me every time you crank. ithankyow. £37 at photojojo.com

Photo-light cover

I am fully aware that on my iPhone I have a vast array of photo settings... from a black-and-white option, to Fifties, Sixties or Seventies style, to negative, sepia, Vaselined, saturated, drained, frazzled and fried. But none of them, literally not one single one, has the strength, power or ability to stop me looking like a wrinkled arse while taking a selfie. Bring on the light case. As powerful as a photographer’s entire studio (roughly) and with as many colour tones as a knicker display in Victoria’s Secret. Grindr here I come. £110 at photojojo.com

Raw-fish cover

I don’t really know what to say about this iPhone cover – except that you’ve got to love the Japanese for making it (not sure a British version with chips would really cut it)... it may make you peckish during a long morning meeting... it’s sure to be a helpful conversation piece for any awkward pauses you might encounter (do you prefer a tuna nigiri or California hand roll?) ... and if you’re v hungry, you could lick it. Apart from that, it’s insane. £27.70 at strapyaworld.com