God reigns when we take a liberal view, when a liberal view is presented to us. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

His marriage becoming increasingly strained, a man decided that he wanted a pet as a companion he could relate to. So he went along to the pet shop in search of a new friend and there spotted a parrot with no legs or feet sitting on a perch.

'Goodness me!' said the man to the shop owner. 'What on earth happened to that parrot?'

'I was born this way,' squawked the parrot.

The man laughed to die owner. 'It was almost if the parrot understood me!'

'I did,' said the parrot. 'I understood every word. I'll have you know I'm a highly intelligent bird. I can speak three languages and can conduct a stimulating conversation on a whole range of subjects from nuclear physics to football. I would make a great companion.'

The man was impressed by the parrot's skills but one thing puzzled him. 'How do you hang on to your perch without any feet?'

'What I do,' replied the parrot quietly, 'is wrap my little parrot penis around the perch, rather like a hook. Nobody can see it because of my feathers.'

'How ingenious!' said the man. 'You're definitely the pet for me. How much are you?'

'The price tag says two hundred dollars,' replied the parrot.

'Two hundred dollars! I can't afford that!'

'Pssst,' hissed die parrot, beckoning the guy closer with one wing. 'Because I haven't got any feet nobody wants to buy me, so you can get me for much less. I bet the shop owner would be willing to sell for fifteen.'

So the man offered fifteen dollars and walked out with the parrot.

Over the ensuing weeks, the parrot proved the ideal companion. He was witty, interesting, understanding and dished out excellent advice. The man was delighted with him. Then one day the man arrived home from work to find the parrot waiting eagerly for him.

'Here,' said the parrot, motioning him over to the cage. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the window-cleaner.'

'What?' said the man.

'Well,' said the parrot, 'when he called round today, your wife greeted him at the door in a skimpy nightdress and kissed him on the mouth.'

'What happened then?' asked the man.

"The window-cleaner came into the house and lifted up her nightdress and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'Oh no!' exclaimed the man. "Then what?'

'Then he lifted up the nightdress, got down on his knees and began fondling her body, starting with her breasts and slowly going lower and lower