Will An Emotionally Unavailable Ex Girlfriend Come Back?

Two simple words can be absolutely devastating for men wanting their ex girlfriends back.

The words?

Emotionally Unavailable

Often, the men who come to this website are desperate to get their ex girlfriends back. So desperate that they often overlook one of the most important components to a successful “ex recovery campaign,” their ex girlfriends state of mind.

For half a decade I have been helping people through breakups.

My websites have seen well over 100,000 comments and I’m not even including the emails or physical mail I have received (true story by the way.) Would you like to know what I have learned by dealing with all of those breakups?

Not all breakups are created equally.

Some people have a lot easier time getting their exes back than others because their exes frame of mind is completely different.

And that leads me back to the purpose of this article.

Do You Even Have a Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? Find out in 2 Minutes...

Of course, your ex girlfriend is not in the right frame of mind. In fact, for the longest time you have believed that she is emotionally unavailable.

So, the ultimate question on your mind right now is… (drum roll please,)

Can you get an ex girlfriend back if she is emotionally unavailable?

Well, that’s what we are going to explore for the next 3,000+ words!

And I figured the best way to approach this article is fist by determining if your ex girlfriend is actually considered “emotionally unavailable.”

Is My Ex Girlfriend Emotionally Unavailable?

Someone who is emotionally unavailable is defined as,

A partner who create barriers to intimacy and can make you feel unloved or unwanted.

Or put simply, it’s someone who you truly open up to and start expressing your feelings to. Of course, when that happens they don’t want anything to do with you.

Now, I do realize that many of you are probably sitting there thinking,

But before you start labeling your ex girlfriend as “emotionally unavailable” let’s actually set a few ground rules and see if we can determine if your ex is actually unavailable emotionally.

Sound good?

Good!

How To Spot If Your Ex Is Emotionally Unavailable

Below I have determined six types of behaviors that are common within emotionally unavailable women.

Loves the chase… Isn’t much for a long term relationship

May have dropped subtle hints before you got into a relationship that she wasn’t “good” in relationships

Their past

Look for any flaw no matter how small and use it as an excuse to break up

Emotionally distant and flees during conflict

Now, I’ll admit that some of these are pretty self explanatory. However, there are a few of them that I believe are very important to go a little more in-depth on.

So, I figured I would just go in-depth on each of them just to cover all the bases.

Of course, before we do get started I do want to say that generally for your ex to be considered EU (emotionally unavailable) she is going to have to exhibit more than one of these types of behaviors.

You can’t just point to one type of behavior and automatically assume that she is EU.

It doesn’t work that way.

I’d say that if she has a minimum of three of the behaviors above it’s a pretty safe bet that you have your self an EU ex girlfriend.

Ok… Ok… let’s just jump right in.

Behavior #1: She Loves The Chase… Isn’t Much For The Long Term Relationship

I have a question for you.

What is the one common thread that binds EU people together?

The Answer = They don’t enter into long term relationship.

You say long term relationship…

The say…

At face value this particular behavior is very self explanatory.

However, the one thing I want to focus in on is them loving the chase.

What do you think I mean by that?

Well, generally when it comes to the relationships “the chase” is everything leading up to an actual commitment.

Imagine that a relationship was like a mountain.

The summit of the mountain would be like a commitment of some form,

And the hike up to the summit.

The ups… the downs…

The actual climb itself is like “the chase,”

An EU ex girlfriend would enjoy the climb/chase and in many cases won’t even commit.

However, for those that do commit.

Those that actually do reach the summit of our little relationship mountain you will find that the relationship doesn’t last too long.

Behavior #2: She May Have Dropped Subtle Hints Before Your Relationship That She Wasn’t “Good” In Relationships

Does this sound familiar?

“I’ve never been that great in relationships…”

What about this?

“None of my relationships have lasted very long…”

Often an EU woman will drop subtle hints that she isn’t too great in relationships. However, often I find that men completely disregard them.

And it’s understandable.

I’ve done this too.

You see, as men we have this belief that we are different, that we are better.

You see, if someone tells us,

“I’m bad in relationships”

Instead of taking it at face value we hear,

“I’m bad at relationships with everyone EXCEPT YOU.”

I’ll never forget a date I went on where this exact phenomenon happened to me.

I remember texting this girl before the date and she ended up saying something like this,

Now, instead of actually taking a step back and determining if this was a red flag I took it as a challenge to be the guy that pulled her from the abyss.

Of course, it didn’t end well.

We went on a date…

We didn’t click…

And I was pretty hard on myself.

I thought that I had screwed up a good thing.

But the answers were all given to before we had gone on that date.

She had warned me that she was emotionally unavailable.

She loved the chase and nothing else.

So, what am I saying here?

Well, a common thread that connects EU women is the fact that they drop these subtle hints about them not being good in relationships.

All you have to do is take a deep dive into your memory and figure out if your ex did this to you.

Behavior #3: Her Past

What’s that famous phrase?

“History often repeats itself”

Well, that is certainly the case her with emotionally unavailable exes.

If you learn that your ex has never had a relationship last more than three months then you should have some cause for concern.

Now, I am going to get a little bit personal here.

One of the best things about running this website and learning human psychology is the fact that all the stuff I am teaching you I can apply to my own life.

Would you like to hear a secret?

I was deathly afraid that this woman,

(She’s my wife!)

Was an emotionally unavailable girl when I was dating her.

You see, she ended up saying this comment that struck me as strange before we were even officially dating,

Ya… I have a problem with commitment. I can’t even commit to a cell phone plan.

Hmm…

That’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.

In fact, that aligns perfectly with what I said in “behavior #2” above.

Of course, if you recall my little rant about how just because your ex girlfriend has one of these behaviors it doesn’t necessarily make her emotionally unavailable.

Well, when I started inquiring about my girlfriends (now wife’s) past relationships all I found were super long term relationships.

She dated one guy for five years…

Another for a year…

And another for a year…

Her words said one thing but her actions (in the form of her past) said another.

I chose to believe the actions over the words.

So, I guess what I am saying here is take a good hard look at your exes past relationships.

See how long they lasted.

It’ll give you an indication if she is EU or not.

Behavior #4: She Will Look For Any Flaw (No Matter How Small) And Use It As An Excuse To Break Up With You

I want you to imagine something for me for a moment.

Imagine that you (yes, you) were trapped in a relationship you didn’t feel comfortable in.

It literally felt like this,

So, you reside yourself to get out of it any way that you possibly can.

But then you think of the girl you are with.

You don’t want to hurt her and tell her that you are just not into the relationship.

So, you decide to pick out a flaw, any flaw, and blame that for your reason for wanting to leave.

That’s exactly what I am talking about here with behavior #4.

If you find your ex girlfriend is blaming tiny insignificant flaws for the break up then I have two things I want to say to you,

Thing #1: She is probably emotionally unavailable

Thing #2: The tiny flaw isn’t the real reason that she broke up with you. It’s just an excuse for the real reason.

Behavior #5: She Was Emotionally Distant During The Relationship And Flees During Conflict

Yesterday a funny thing happened with my wife.

The second I saw her I got this vibe that something was off.

You see, our daily schedule all revolves around this little tyke right here,

(That’s our daughter by the way!)

Generally my wife gets up early to tend to the baby and lets me sleep in so I can be fully rested for my work here!

Yesterday though the second I saw her I knew something was off.

She was distant…

Of course, I got the patented,

“Nothing’s wrong…”

When I asked her if she was ok.

A few hours later the truth came pouring out.

I had made a comment to someone (a girl) on Ex Boyfriend Recovery that was interpreted as flirting by my wife.

She was upset and rightfully so…

I literally felt like Cersei doing the walk of shame in Game of Thrones,

(Watch Game of Thrones and you’ll get that reference.)

Here is my ultimate point.

I could tell something was off with my wife.

She was a little distant emotionally.

And I am betting that you have had similar experiences like this with your ex girlfriend. An experience where you think that she is hiding something from you but she won’t tell you.

This is classic EU behavior that an ex girlfriend can exhibit.

But let’s take it one step further.

Let’s say that after days of prying to try to find out why your girlfriend is acting so strange you get into an argument with her.

Of course, instead of taking that kind of conflict head on your ex completely runs away.

Classic emotionally unavailable behavior.

Is Getting An EU Ex Girlfriend Back Even Possible?

Recently I have been trying out this new thing on Facebook.

You see, many of you may not know this about me but I actually run a couple of Facebook Groups on Facebook.

I run one for this website, “The Ex Girlfriend Recovery Private Facebook Group” and I run one for my other website, “The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Private Facebook Group.”

Now, here is the craziest thing about running these Facebook groups. Initially I thought I was going to hate it. I thought,

“Oh my god… this is going to be such a time suck how am I going to handle all of the things I have to do on top of this?”

But I have to say the Facebook groups are the favorite part of my job.

Not only do I get to interact with my clients but I get to do “Facebook Live’s” where I get to answer question after question in rapid fire succession.

A few hours ago I did one and am super pumped up about it.

Here is a screenshot so you don’t think that I am lying,

Now, the casual reader might be sitting there and thinking,

“Umm… why the hell are you even talking to us about this.”

Well, you won’t believe one of the questions I was asked today.

Yep, you guessed it.

It was about emotionally unavailable exes.

The woman who asked the question (the Facebook Live I did was for the sister site to EGR) asked if it was even possible to get an ex back who is emotionally unavailable.

Immediately my mind jumped to two thoughts,

Yes, they love the chase and getting them back is a type of chase

The issue lies with convincing them to commit

Confused?

Don’t be, that’s what I am here for.

Thought #1: The Chase

A lot of people worry about the fact that they can’t ever get an ex back.

This is especially true when it comes to men worried about their EU ex girlfriends.

However, I personally don’t think this should be a worry for men.

Is it possible to get an EU ex girlfriend back?

Absolutely!

What am I basing that off of?

Well, do you remember back when I was dissecting the behaviors that a woman would exhibit if she was emotionally unavailable?

Do you remember behavior one?

If not, here is a quick refresher,

Your ex girlfriend loves the chase.

She loves it!

And the good news is that getting her back is nothing but chase.

Get it?

No?

Ok, think of it like this.

Generally I find that men don’t have a huge issue interesting their EU ex girlfriends because those women absolutely adore the chase. Where they run into all sorts of issues is how to keep them once they get them back.

That leads us to my second thought.

Thought #2: Commitment… Eh.. Not So Much

So, by now we have established that catching your ex girlfriends eye and getting her to act like she is falling for you isn’t so much the problem.

The problem really lies in how to get her to commit.

So, how can you get your emotionally unavailable ex girlfriend to commit?

Well, I want you to utilize two theories,

The Interdependence Theory

The Value Theory

Let’s dive into each of those theories right now,

What Is The Interdependence Theory?

The interdependence theory is a psychological theory that posits that human beings commit to one another through a cost and benefit scenario. In other words, we are looking to maximize the benefits and minimize the costs in our relationships.

The IT (interdependence theory) looks at three components to determine commitment.

Satisfaction: Refers to how satisfied the individual is with their relationship.

Alternatives: Refers to if the individual can find a better alternative as opposed to the partner they currently have.

Investment: This refers to how many resources the individual has invested into the relationship.

Of course, you are probably sitting there at this moment thinking,

What does any of this have to do with making my ex girlfriend commit to me?

Well, it’s actually really simple.

The Interdependence Theory is essentially your road-map for making an EU ex commit. It tells you everything you need to do.

You need her satisfaction with the relationship to be high…

You need to convince her that there isn’t a better alternative out there…

And most importantly you need to get her to invest her most precious resource into the relationship, time.

Of course, that’s not all I want you to do.

You’ll recall that I had mentioned two theories that I wanted you to utilize.

The interdependence theory was one and the next one is “the value theory.”

Let’s talk about that now.

The Value Theory

The premise of the “value theory” is pretty easy.

Of course, in my half a decade of teaching men to get their exes back I have noticed that understanding it isn’t the problem.

Nope, it turns out that the problem lies in executing it.

But I’ll get to that in a second.

First, let’s define what “the value theory” is.

The Value Theory: Proving you are valuable to your ex by being a powerful man and actually acting like it.

Someone once told me that a person never truly regrets losing something until they realize how valuable it was to them.

In other words, your goal here is to prove that you are your exes most valuable relationship.

But how can you do that?

First you need to understand how women assign value to men.

You see, most men are under the assumption that a woman assigns value based on how the other person can make them feel. Now, while I will admit that this is true in some cases it isn’t painting the whole picture that needs to get painted.

The value assigned to each man is also based on how much effort he puts into the relationship and requires back from them.

Does this make sense?

No?

Ok, lets pretend that during your relationship with your ex you put everything you had into it. However, you didn’t require anything back from her.

To an emotionally unavailable woman this is the type of man she will eventually grow bored of.

What an emotionally unavailable woman truly wants is a man who isn’t afraid to stand up for himself.

She wants a man who will put a lot of effort into the relationship and also expect the same amount of effort back out.

And if you take a step back this actually makes a lot of sense.

A man who requires effort out of his woman is going to make her invest into the relationship and we all know that the more investment she has into the relationship the more likely she is to stick around.

The value theory is a mindset shift more than anything if I am going to be honest with you.

But it’s a mindset shift that absolutely needs to happen.

Too often I see men approaching their exes from a position of weakness when they need to be approaching them from a position of power.

In case you didn’t notice, it’s ok to hold your ex to a high standard!

What Do You Think? (36)

Eddiesleeth

August 7, 2017

This is coming from someone who is only attracted to EU girls. These girls like to play the victim and will often exaggerate things in their past to make them seem worse. I understand the allure of these women. Though it is often best to move on. These are people who don’t love themselves and often take that out on you.

Burning

June 7, 2017

Hi Chris, Amor, and team,

I sent you guys a message through your contact page a few weeks to a month ago, but I haven’t heard back. I was wondering if you would be able to help me in my unique situation that I’m in? I don’t want to delve too much into the details here but we broke up over a year ago and I am still deeply in love with her. I think she is emotionally unavailable due to the things she went through while we were together, such as how my mother consistently talked down about her for example.

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2017

have you done the no contact rule?

Burning

June 19, 2017

Hi Amor,

At first I didn’t, but I have now. When I Whatsapp her, sometimes she doesn’t reply after reading the message. I guess this is because we have bad texting topics and don’t know what to say? Or just doesn’t want to talk too much about her life to me?

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 27, 2017

What did you mean that have now? How long? And how much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting? You have to do that first..and if you’re messaging her or replying to her during nc period, that’s not a no contact period.

Burning

June 28, 2017

Hi Amor,

I have done no contact for a few months now. The full details of what improvements I made and details of our breakup, as well as what happened post-break up is in the e-mail I sent to the EGR team back in May.

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2017

sorry, Leia, another team member handles our emails.. how long have you been buliding rapport now and are you still active in your life?

Burning

July 13, 2017

Hi Amor,

That’s fine. I just never heard back from the e-mail team, and still haven’t so I’m stuck on what to do. I haven’t started building rapport with her yet. What do you mean by if I am active in my life? If you mean by moving on with my life, meeting other people and doing things with friends, yes I am.

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2017

yes, being active in improving yourself and being active in posting. Posting in social media sites where posts lasts is important because that’s your indirect way of showing you’ve changed. If you have done that, initiate contact. If not do that first maybe for at least 3 weeks before initiating contact.

Marxbro22

July 31, 2017

Ok, I’m racing my brains over if I missed EU signs…..I did! We dated for 3 amazing months. No issues until she found one. OUCH! Two days later, after hearing from her “I’m not sure if I’m sabotaging us, “I’m not sure I want a relationship”, I found myself in a 2 weeks NC period( I started), then when I tried to re-engage her-crickets, nada, nothing to a few cute, funny texts; no answer to a call: Un-friended me on FBook, and blocked me! I really want another chance to do things differently. It was going so well. Such great chemistry and all the above then BAM! I can’t believe how we got here or even “what just happened?!” How did things get so messed up so fast? I need a course of action because this woman really “did it for me!”

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2017

Hi Marx Restart nc.. Do at least 30 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting

Marxbro22

August 8, 2017

Thank you Bigtime for your reply!! I have started another nc of 30 days which honestly, scares me; I know I can’t worry about losing her in this additional NC, but dang it…I’ve gotten back into therapy, working on my stuff! Sure want another opportunity to do things differently…I was really feelin’ this woman!

Charles S

May 20, 2017

Hello,

Me and My Girlfriend Broke up 2 months back, and initially I begged her too much and after few days I went no contact. A week later she insisted on mending up things, but during that time she was meeting some other guy and they ended up kissing each other, which she confessed to me about! I forgave her and asked her to be back, but she din’t agree to it! Weeks after she messages she wants to come back to me for sure. I asked her if she was sure about it and asked her to take a week’s time and then meet. After a week she messages that she wants to move on and want to be single. I am really depressed by the fact, I didn’t try hard to get her back! Like after 2 months do you think is it a good time to go on NO CONTACT? Do you think she will move on in my no contact phase?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 22, 2017

she already decided to move on.. take ît as a restart.. and then stick to atleast 45 days of nc

Paul

May 8, 2017

Good day. I suffer from moderate/severe depression and it was one of the things that drove my EX away. now when i broke thinks off with her some time in December because my depression was getting worse and she usually pitted me which makes things even worse for me, which ended up driving me to break up with her. she was always there for me, yes. she took care of me but i wasnt able to see the good that she was doing for me and i only notice it now that i`ve gotten some medical help. (sorry if its all over the place) point is, I broke up with her and she seemed somewhat re leaved that it was over. we didnt have any contact for 2 months after the break-up (no contact rule out the window) when i try to speak with her she responds coldly and usually acts like i do not exist. is there any possibility that i can actually get back with her?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 12, 2017

Hi Paul,

are you getting professional help right now? restart the count of your nc, do at least 30 days, be active in improving yourself during and after nc, while building rapport slowly and be active in posting in social media too

Yak

April 15, 2017

I was dating a great girl for the past 5months. It went pretty fast at the early stages and over Christmas. Then in January I was away for a month and she drove 3hrs to visit for two separate weekends. Basically seemed keen. Once I was back in the same city as her she seemed very keen still but every time wen spent a few days together she would pull away and become withdrawn for a few days then slowly return. I became used to the cycle.

Anytime we would discuss where we were going with this, she would say that she was unsure she could have a serious relationship and wanted to go slow, which was fine by me. Then immediately after these chats she would be full on and acting quite serious with me. Then the pulling away would begin again… and repeat.

Two weeks ago she decided to cut it all off. She had stated she had feelings for me but couldn’t really offer me more of a reason. She was crying throughout and said that she felt she would regret it, but it was for the best. Since then it was her birthday, i sent card and then a few days later a short email just saying that I understand and letting her know I’m hear if she wants to talk. She contacted today saying same stuff as when breaking up, says i deserve someone who can give themselves emotionally and she also mentioned some stuff about the pressures of a relationship and that she doesn’t know why but she thinks that she could be just running away, but she is sure its the best decision. Seemed pretty final.

I wouldn’t try and get her back if I didn’t think she was throwing away a good thing we could have out of fear. I’ve definitely laid out my feelings to her and she knows where I stand. Any advice?

EGR Team Member: Amor

KillaKilla

Throughout our 11 month relationship, we were off and on, breaking up once before the true separation in Feb 2017.

I noticed that each time she thought I was doing something untrustworthy, that sitaution would cause her to be bitter, she became SUPER critical of me, nit-picking at things that honestly were NOT the issue, could NEVER let things go or give me the benefit of doubt, and always tried to put on this “tough girl act” to portray this image of her “not caring about anything” or that “she was okay”.

Hogwash.

She was also RARELY affectionate/intimate (she wouldn’t have sex, espeically since her last bf cheated on her) and had a hard time being appreciative for the good I’ve done. Sometimes within me doing something good for her, she was get upset that it wasn’t to her liking.

Each time she had a “hunch” that I was doing something behind her back or got jealous/felt insecure… it ALWAYS gradually led to our downfall. Because of this, we are officially not together now.

An example of her having a hunch…

We were at a club. I seen a friend of mine who happened to be a girl from school…

While me and the ex were at the bar, I quickly lean over near my friend to wave at her. Took 1 second…

My ex got PISSED. From a wave. Apparently it was HOW I waved at her…

She then told me later, “why don’t you ever wave at me like that? What if I did that to my guys friends?”

🤔🤔🤔 Seriously?

I wouldn’t care if she did that. Issa wave. Nothing more. Wasn’t even flirting.

She would then cut me off and play games for days.

It was DRAINING. And she was get sooooo mad at me when my performance in the relationship would decrease… 🤔

It’s been less than 2 months since the split, but I still have strong feelings for her. I need to let her go because she has not truly healed from her past relationships.

She’s been dating for like 3.5 years. Within those years, she has had 4 boyfriends, including me. Her time in between relationships wasn’t long at all. At MOST, 6 or 7 months in between. She separated from the one before me 3 months before she began talking to me.

I don’t think she’s healed. Tells herself she cool, but I never believed it. Always shut down on sensitive topics.

I tried to be the one to save her because I thought she was worth it. I ignored the flags in hopes we could progress… WRONG.

Despite the MANY TIMES I felt angry and drained, I still care for the girl, even though she gave me cluster headaches, smh. 😫

She also felt that I was a failure because I’m in my mid-20s, haven’t been in school, and at the time, I left my job and had trouble obtaining another one. She felt I should have it ALLLL figured out by 21 or something. I’m good now. I have a plan. Been had a plan. Lol but still… 😝

She felt she could not depend on me. 😖

Also easily persuaded by those relationship memes and all that. Which is cool, but you cannot want someone else’s wishful thinking. If you believe in that, it will crumble the foundation. Just a side note!

For someone to think of ALL THESE THINGS about me and her approach to the relationship, I KNEW she was EU… I was the best guy she spoke to because I had never disrespected her like her last ones did and I wanted to treat her like a queen, but I wasn’t enough. 😐😔

Of course there is two sides to every story. I am not perfect. Don’t expect perfection, ladies and gentlemen.

It was like she tried to shape me into someone she KNOWS for a FACT would not hurt her… crazy. I’ve known her for years back in HS and she is my friend’s sister. Of course I ain’t gonna hurt her, dammit! 😒😠

Okay, rant over. Sorry bout that, guys. Felt good to release that and I wanted to get someone else’s perspective.

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 27, 2017

Hi KillaKilla,

you mean you’re moving on right?

Dante

April 27, 2017

I am in a similar situation, very similar, to KILLAKILLA. My Ex GF has a rough past when it came to relationships (men cheating, no love, and the worst one was the one before me where she had to move to a different state because he was abusive). She did have almost 3 or 4 signs of being EU in the above article. She had a dark past and very big baggage. Even though knowing all this, and finding out more about her as we continued our relationship. I still managed to make things work. We were together for more than 15 months. There was a few times where she would try to break up with me and each of those times I was able to convince her by telling her I would change and do more.

Now just a week or two ago she broke up with me because of the same reason and this time she was more serious about the break up, she said I would just go back to being my normal self (comfortable) and she would get angry at small things and it was never going to end so she wanted to end it, she took down almost all her pictures of us, changed her status, she asked for me to get back her clothes and stuff from my house (which I did after the break up). When I gave back her clothes that night, I was able to calm things down a little between us, she was happy that I could still be in her life that I was able to still talk to her all until she tried to put me in the friend zone. I told that I did not want that and if I did say that I wanted it I would be lying to her which I didn’t want to do. Immediately after she told me she thinks I need space and time, I told her okay because I didn’t know what else to say, I just agreed to it and told her I will talk to her soon when I get better.

I haven’t contacted her since. The first 5 days I was seriously depressed and felt sick to my stomach. After that I decided force myself to become better, went to the gym, got a haircut, started taking care of myself in many different ways as I could just so I can be better. Its been 10 days since we haven’t talked to each other, she didn’t text me once, she didn’t call me at all. She still has a bunch of pictures of us on her facebook, and 2 specific pictures of us on her instagram ( I guess those pictures were the most important ones to her and I can guess why).

The question I have is, do I continue with no contact and for how long? She is most likely not going to contact me in anyway and instead wait for me to contact her.

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 30, 2017

Hi Dante,

yes, you should.. do at least 30 days.

Nick

March 13, 2017

Hi there, me and my ex broke up a few days ago. We have a long history , we dated most of high school, then I moved to Washington 6 years ago, she stayed in our home town in KS. She’d always find a way to reach out to me even after a year or two of not talking. This last time we went three years without talking but when we reconnected it was amazing, we talked all the time, would FaceTime and send eachother gifts and what not. I decided to move back to KS to be closer to family and she even flew up to wa to drive back with me. We were really close. But as the time went on jealousy and other common relationship issues came into play and she started to distance herself. We have broken up to make up, but this time she has told me that she dosent have any feelings for me and that she just wants to.be friends. She told me that she threw away her feelings for me after she had misscarried our child she was carrying. I truly do love this woman and want to grow a future with her. What are the steps that I can take to try and get her back. I really miss the way we used to talk and hangout and stuff like that. She barley talks to me and rarely wants to hangout. So im asking what is your oppions or what’s your advice on what I should do

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2017

Hi Nick,

is she in counseling? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

JT

March 3, 2017

I’ve been on here before with questions…. This time around we had been doing well but still living apart. The holidays went well, and it seemed that things were moving in the right direction… we even had a vacation planned out. Then I had an issue with some of the things about the kids, like iPad rules and eldest son sleeping in the bed. We got in an argument about it and she shuts off. I was asking for counseling and everything else. It now seems one of her friends is trying to set her up with on of her friends. I’m amazed with this quick change, especially with us having two kids. It’s so hard on them. I’m not sure what to do in this situation. We don’t talk much to one another and it seems like there is this barrier that she isn’t willing to break down so we can work on relationship and get it right. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2017

Hi Jt,

I know it’s frustrating but that’s why it’s not allowed to be angry while you’re trying to build rapport, because you’re trying to build rapport. But that’s ok, I think you still have a chance, just initiate small talk again when you’re personally together.

Jt

March 4, 2017

Well she shuts down pretty wuick, I thinks it’s bc she’s seeing someone else again, seems to be her m.o. Whenever we get into a disagreement. Guessing it’s a way to show she can do better or doesn’t need me, she always comes back around. I just don’t think small talk will amount to much.

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2017

Ok, start with being nice first. Smile if you bump into each other, answer politely, nicely, be indifferent.

JT

March 7, 2017

With having two kids we have to run across one another frequently, she is very unresponsive. I stated I think she has another guy that she is seeing, sparingly bc of her having the kids. I can’t get her to even agree to a sit down. It seems she does this just to get back at me. I’m hoping this little phase blows over quick, so just be kind and let things work out as they will. She seems to always come back to me bc of the comfort level. I just need to next round really focus on the growth of our communication and not letting things escalate to an argument. It’s just hard to know what she’s doing and not have a reaction to it. I’ll have to step up my game I suppose.

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2017

Hi,

a sit down will be confrontational in her end, that’s why she’s avoiding it.. There’s no use for a sit down right now because there’s no rapport.. it will just look like an attack to get.. The best you can do is to forgive her, and to keep being kind, indifferent and growing… Any confrontation or talk about negative feelings will not help for now…

JT

May 4, 2017

It’s been a few months now, we talk to one another well when we do see one another. She still seems disinterested though. I just can’t seem to get through to her. Seems like she’s in NC with me. I don’t know how to react to it, the kids make it harder bc its a connection we both have, yet it seems she’s content with how life is going. I’m not sure if I just let it go and move on. Our story is complicated, I don’t want to give up on it but doesn’t seem like any ground is being gained.

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017

Ok, when is your limit on building rapport?

Sbu

March 3, 2017

hi my ex girlfriend of 4 yrs had been distant for 2 months i things went cold she cameback on february and said she want us to start our relationship afresh i agreed though she remained distant though she kept on telling me that im the only guy she trust on valentines day she told me that she loves me and always will so i was damanding to see her she told me that she trying to love me again because she felt empty emotionally so i shouldnt push her so i guess i couldnt take it as i was too clingy,needy and insecure she said to me she tries but she cant so nothing will change the way she feel so we shall just brake up i agreed politetly then i went to 25days of no contact apparently after texted her she was responding i asked her if we could hangout and have a friendly lunch she agreed she asked for 50bucks on the same day i said i dont have it as she wants to go to some event so apparently the day we were suppose to meet she cancelled i ask why she said it doesnt feel right and i wont understand then asked is it because she has got herself a man if so she shall tell me ill understand she blocked me lastweek she posted the name of some guy from the neighbourhood on facebook.saying this guy God knows so but she’s still in contact with my sis as she asked her if we are still a couple she ignored her and then my sis kept on asking she concluded by saying yes though yesterday i saw their texts she said no what am i suppose to do because she blocked me and i doubt that she will unblock me even if i re-start the no contact. and i just wonder why she just doesnt want to tell me the truth if she has got a man or not.

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2017

Hi Sbu,

you’re being demanding to her again. What’s your other plan than no contact?

John

February 17, 2017

Hey

My ex and I broke up and we went back and forth for a while. I acted a little too desperate and I pushed her away even more and now she’s saying she just wants me to move on. She said she hasn’t found any body new but she has generally moved on and is enjoying the single life. I got drunk last night and acted desperate oveur text. What should I do? Should I apologise and then cut all contact?