[STORY/CHALLENGE] My Talks with the League

[STORY/CHALLENGE] My Talks with the League

Morgana: What do you want?
Issun: Easy Morgana. I'm only here to conduct an interview with you.
Morgana: ...Proceed.
Issun: Okay. I'll make it as quick as I can. To start, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Morgana: I live only to exact vengeance on the enemies of freedom; I have no "spare time."
Issun: Okay. What do you like about the League of Legends?
Morgana: The influence I can rally to my cause knows no limits. It may one day be of use to me.
Issun: Influence? What do you mean by that?
Morgana: Too many members of this "League of Legends" are blind to the truth, none the least of whom being my sister, Kayle. Fortunately, there are those who see as I do, those subject to the short end of the cruel illusions of "good" and "evil".
Issun: All right. Uh, what do you dislike about the League?
Morgana: That I am still bound by its rules of engagement, rules that cannot be broken or changed.
Issun: ...Uh, anyway, is there anyone you miss in your homeland?
Morgana: Bah! As if such myopic tyrants are worthy of my notice. They branded me "fallen" because I was different, because I had will unlike theirs.
Issun: I see. Moving along, what is your favorite food?
Morgana: I...oh, wait. Well, I do not strictly need to eat as you mortals do, but yes, I am not above enjoying the taste of food. A certain mushroom-shaped pastry, in particular...uh, what do you call it?
Issun: A muffin?
Morgana: Yes. Exactly. I never could bake them properly; I always burn them for some reason.
Issun: What about a color?
Morgana: ...I know not...
Issun: Okay. Well, who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Morgana: The so-called lich king, Karthus. He has great power and influence at his disposal, yet he refuses to take advantage of it. I would like to know why.
Issun: Maybe he thinks that conquering all of Runeterra would leave him bored, and therefore without purpose. I don't know; that's just a guess.
Morgana: Or maybe he is just a fool not to realize what he can truly accomplish.
Issun: Once again, just a guess. Anyway, to end this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Morgana: Until I have the power, the influence, and most importantly the freedom to destroy Kayle once and for all and return home as the heroine I am.
Issun: Who knows when that'll happen?
Morgana: I need only to wait for that day, and oh, how I will enjoy it...
Issun: ...Well...thanks for letting me talk to you.
Morgana: Whatever. Now begone before I turn you to dust!
Issun: No need to tell me twice.

Issun: So, you're Ezreal, I'm guessing?
Ezreal: Heh. What gave that away? My goggles, my gauntlet, my hair, my facepaint, my jacket and scarf, or are you just psychic?
Issun: I get it. You think I'm an idiot.
Ezreal: Nah, I'm just kidding. But seriously; I'm not that obscure, am I?
Issun: I guess not. So anyway, to start this interview, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Ezreal: Well, to answer that question, I like to hang around crowded areas and read books. Or rather, I hang around crowded areas, read books, and look for anything that other people don't notice.
Issun: Such as?
Ezreal: Well, there was this one time where I sat at a port in Bilgewater and I noticed that a pirate fleet scheduled to arrive at 13:30 hours arrived exactly 17 minutes and 5 seconds late.
Issun: Considering how little attention most people in Bilgewater pay to that sort of thing, I'd imagine that would be rather interesting. To you, anyway.
Ezreal: Yeah.
Issun: Next question: what do you like about the League of Legends?
Ezreal: I...guess I'd have to say all the different creatures running amok. I'd never even heard of half of them before in my life.
Issun: Okay. So, what do you dislike about the League?
Ezreal: There are only three Fields of Justice so far: Summoner's Rift, Crystal Scar, and Twisted Treeline. I'd really like to see a new one added SOMETIME soon.
Issun: What about Magma Chamber?
Ezreal: ...What?
Issun: Uh, never mind. Do you miss anyone in your homeland?
Ezreal: Meh, not really. I never was the sentimental type. It's one of the marks of a great explorer.
Issun: I see. Well, what's your favorite food?
Ezreal: Favorite?
Issun: Uh, yes.
Ezreal: To be honest, I've pretty much had to adjust my palette to suit anywhere and everywhere I go. I can't afford to be picky.
Issun: Oh, well, how about a color?
Ezreal: Okay. That, I can be picky about; it's white.
Issun: I see. Well, who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Ezreal: Define "interests".
Issun: Uh, just in general, I guess.
Ezreal: Rammus. I've seen plenty of freaky flora and fauna from the Plague Jungles but never anything quite like him. He doesn't even seem to be from there.
Issun: He's not much of a talker, so good luck getting any information from him.
Ezreal: Oh, I'll have my methods.
Issun: We'll just see, I guess. Now, to end this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Ezreal: ...Gee, I...never really thought of that...
Issun: ...?
Ezreal: To be honest, I only came here because the amulet in my gauntlet has some sort of summoning energy in it. Consequently, that means I come and go whether I want to or not. I've been trying to find a way to get rid of it without damaging the amulet, but no one seems to want to help me. I just don't feel comfortable being forced into other people's business.
Issun: Hopefully, you'll find an answer soon.
Ezreal: Yeah, maybe. Thanks for taking the time to talk.
Issun: Hey. That's my line.

Issun: Uh...Vladimir, is it?
Vladimir: Why, yes, summoner.
Issun: Well, to start this interview, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Vladimir: My spare time? I do so love watching Gothic plays, and one in particular. It has a certain...hypnotic shade to it.
Issun: I think I know exactly which one you're talking about: Dracula, right?
Vladimir: Actually, I've never seen that one before; I was going to say Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Issun: I see. So, since coming to the League of Legends, what do you like about it?
Vladimir: What else? The chance to endlessly revel in the deaths of my enemies. Also, I find the paintings very amusing to watch.
Issun: I've seen some of those paintings myself. Anyway, what do you dislike about the League?
Vladimir: Too often, I meet people who don't realize how casual death is. People die every waking second, yet much of the world shuns the thought of it like the plague.
Issun: It's not something most people want to talk about openly, because it's very sensitive to them.
Vladimir: Case in point.
Issun: ...Uh...anyway, is there anyone you miss in your homeland?
Vladimir: What of it? I left Noxus years ago when I realized that I couldn't live there anymore due to my "bloodlust," to use the vernacular.
Issun: So I heard.
Vladimir: In Noxus, they say that only the strong survive, but I know better than anyone there that no matter how strong you are, there will always be someone stronger than you.
Issun: Quite the dilemma, if you ask me.
Vladimir: Indeed.
Issun: Moving on, what's your favorite food?
Vladimir: I'm never one to turn down a fair portion of flat iron steak, especially when it's cooked medium rare.
Issun: How about a color? Wait. That's a stupid question; it's red, isn't it?
Vladimir: Close enough. The best answer would be vermillion.
Issun: Who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Vladimir: If by that, you mean in any sense in general, I suppose I would have to mention Mordekaiser. For all I know, he may or may not be human. I wonder if he even bleeds...
Issun: That...I suppose, would be a very interesting way to look at him.
Vladimir: Indeed. I've heard stories about him that never seem to end. Whether true or not...that's anyone's guess.
Issun: ...Anyway, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Vladimir: As long as I possibly can. I don't care what happens to Demacia or Noxus; as long as I get to kill someone, I'll be happy to stay.
Issun: ...
Vladimir: What's wrong, summoner? Lost your voice?
Issun: Uh, no. Well, anyway, thanks for letting me talk with you.
Vladimir: You're welcome. Care to make a donation?
Issun: (nervously scoots away)
Vladimir: (creepy chuckle) Just kidding...

Nocturne: (enraged roar)
Issun: Whoa! Whoa! Easy, Nocturne! I'm not here to hurt you!
Nocturne: (angry growl) Then why are you here, summoner?
Issun: I'm just here for an interview. After this, I'll leave you alone. Okay?
Nocturne: So be it, but the moment you finish, leave my sight.
Issun: Okay. I will. Now, to start this interview, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Nocturne: Because of your fellow summoners, I am forced to bend to their every whim. I have no "spare time", thanks to them.
Issun: Well, according to your profile, you were only bound here because of your murderous rampage. It's not entirely the League's fault. And speaking of the League of Legends, what do you like about it?
Nocturne: Like? What is there to "like" about this horrid cesspit of forced combat and endless death and rebirth? It is but a hollow facade.
Issun: I guess that answers my next question as well, which would've been "What do you dislike about the League?"
Nocturne: Not dislike: abhor, revile, loathe, detest.
Issun: Well, is there anyone you miss in your homeland?
Nocturne: That is not your concern, summoner. My "homeland" is darkness itself.
Issun: ...Uh, then what is your favorite food?
Nocturne: I do not feed as mortals do. I instead feed on the essence of another's mind while asleep. The darker the dreams, the more savory the essence.
Issun: And I don't suppose I should ask what that tastes like to you, right?
Nocturne: I do not exactly have a mouth, anyway, so I would not know.
Issun: Wait. Then, how are you talking?
Nocturne: The better question is "who cares?"
Issun: ...Well, then, what about a favorite color?
Nocturne: There is no "color" in darkness, only endless void.
Issun: Who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Nocturne: ...
Issun: Uh, what was that?
Nocturne: Maokai, the Twisted Treant. He, like myself, came to the League against his will.
Issun: So I hear. We're still trying to find a way to change him back.
Nocturne: Evidently not hard enough.
Issun: Well, I'll have to talk to him about that sometime. Meanwhile, to end this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the--?
Nocturne: Never! I never want to spend another minute in this place! Free me! Free me, now!
Issun: ...
Nocturne: Oh, forgive me. I know not what came over me just then. But seriously, I cannot stand this place any longer.
Issun: I was never there when the council imprisoned you, but from what I can tell, you had this coming. Do something wrong and sooner or later, you pay the price, societal or otherwise.
Nocturne: ...
Issun: Well, thanks for letting me talk with you, and as per the terms of your demands, I thinkI'llbegoingnowgoodbye.

Issun: Garen?! Here?! I-I-I-I-I don't--I mean--I don't know what--it's such an--I can't believe--
Garen: (laugh) And greetings to you as well, summoner.
Issun: (pant) (pant) Okay, Issun. You can do this. Breathing in. (inhale) Breathing out. (exhale)
Garen: Let me guess. You wish to interview me? If so, I have no qualms about it.
Issun: Yes. Gi--ah--I mean--never mind. Uh, to start this interview, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Garen: That's an odd way to start an interview, but to answer it, I would say painting. It lets me express my thoughts freely when words and deeds fail me.
Issun: I see. Since coming to the League of Legends, what do you like about it?
Garen: The chance to meet such great adversaries and hone my own skill. Also, how I revel in the chance to show Demacia's greatness on the battlefield, especially in the company of my good friend, Jarvan IV.
Issun: And what do you dislike about it?
Garen: Sometimes, I have to share room and board with fellow champions whom I find less than desirable to live with. For instance, with all due respect for Tryndamere, when was the last time he took a bath?
Issun: Yeesh. I have no idea.
Garen: Exactly.
Issun: Moving on, is there anyone you miss in your homeland?
Garen: I did miss my sister, Luxanna, until she too came to the League of Legends. We both make it a point to visit home whenever possible.
Issun: That's very nice.
Garen: Exactly. As I recall, someone in Zaun once conducted an experiment with newborn children to find out Runeterra's original language. Instead, he found out that lack of social interaction is literally fatal.
Issun: I know that experiment, but now's probably not the time to talk about it.
Garen: Oh, right. Continue, summoner.
Issun: What's your favorite food?
Garen: Peanuts. Regrettably, Luxanna is violently allergic to them.
Issun: Ouch. Well, what's your favorite color?
Garen: Gold, and I don't mean the color of pyrite that so many artists mistake for it.
Issun: Well, it is a pretty common mistake. Who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Garen: If by that, you mean in any sense in general, the steam golem, Blitzcrank, deserves mention. His "Fleshling Compatibility Service" doesn't seem to be as accurate as he says it is.
Issun: Oh, yeah. Now that you mention it, I remember reading that it said that you and Katarina would theoretically make a perfect couple. Then again, it apparently also matched Rammus with a cactus. (laugh)
Garen: Yes, we all had a good laugh during that testing phase.
Issun: (sigh) Anyway, to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Garen: As long as I can, I suppose. It has kept Demacia at peace with other nations for years, but I know better than anyone that peace rarely lasts. When war returns to Valoran--and trust me when I say it will--I must be ready to come to my homeland's aid in its hour of need.
Issun: Very nice of you to say that. Well, thanks for participating in this interview.
Garen: It's been an honor speaking with you, summoner.
Issun: Oh, and before I go, I have one more question. Can I have your autograph?
Garen: Considering that I have no pens on my person and you evidently have nothing for me to autograph anyway, no.
Issun: (realizes that Garen is right) (facepalm)

Issun: So, you're Riven, I presume?
Riven: Sadly, yes.
Issun: ...Uh, to start this interview, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Riven: I suppose I'd have to say reminiscing about what hope there can be for the future. As uncertain as it is, I always believe that there's hope.
Issun: That's not something I'd expect to hear from a Noxian's mouth.
Riven: Yeah. I get that a lot.
Issun: I see. What do you like about the League of Legends?
Riven: The opportunity to voice my opinions without any negative repercussions. It's always good to get your thoughts out to other people. And believe me when I say that I should know that better than anyone, considering everything I did.
Issun: I see. Anyway, what do you dislike about the League?
Riven: The apparent setting that nearly every other champion in the League--especially those from Noxus and Ionia--hates me. I've tried to talk to them, but most of them just either take only passing notice or shoot me harsh looks.
Issun: I'd say I know exactly how that feels, but I'd probably be lying.
Riven: Not unless you've experienced it yourself.
Issun: ...Well, is there anyone you miss in your homeland?
Riven: ...
Issun: Is something wrong?
Riven: As far as I know, no one in Noxus cares about me; until recently, everyone back there thought I was dead. Even now, other Noxian champions treat me as a ghost at best and a traitor at worst.
Issun: It must be a lonely life.
Riven: You'd get used to it after a few years.
Issun: Moving along, what's your favorite food?
Riven: (sigh) I suppose I'd have to say lentil soup. It's one of the few decent things I could eat before I came to the League.
Issun: What about a color?
Riven: I want to say "pink", but that would be kind of embarrassing.
Issun: Not really.
Riven: ...
Issun: Who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Riven: In what sense?
Issun: Uh, any sense in general.
Riven: I suppose I'd have to say Master Yi, then; he, more than anyone else, should have reason to hate me, but he doesn't.
Issun: Really?
Riven: Yeah. We've met before; my unit destroyed his village, and I personally killed his family. Yet for that, he doesn't even seem to care.
Issun: You might want to ask him about that. And to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Riven: As long as possible, I suppose. I hope to one day see Noxus brought to the glory it was meant to have.
Issun: What do you mean?
Riven: Even though most people just call Noxus a "power-hungry faction that enjoys ruining your day," there's good and evil in everyone, even in Noxus' people. I love my homeland, and I can't stand to see its people suffer because of its own tainted rule. That's why I one day hope to see it restored to the pure ideal in which I believe.
Issun: Who knows? Do you think anyone else shares that belief?
Riven: I don't know. Maybe...
Issun: Well, thanks for participating in this interview.
Riven: You're welcome.