I really need to start checking LettersofNote more often, because they have some incredible stuff on there. You may remember Marlon Brando’s el creepo letter to a stewardess, or Hunter Thompson’s righteous anger at The Shooting Gallery. Thanks to i09 for today’s find, a 1996 letter from Quentin Tarantino to a 13-year-old fan named Sarah, who’d apparently enjoyed Tarantino’s portrayal of Richie Gecko in From Dusk Till Dawn so much that she felt compelled to write. This is the transcript of Tarantino’s response, in which you’ll once again notice what an unprecedented combination of brilliantly creative writer and hopeless dyslexic he is (no jokes or exaggerations intended there).

Hi Sarah

Thank you for your very lovley letter. It’s the best letter I’ve gotten all year long. I’m glad you loved “Dusk”, it was one of my favrote times making a movie. And I feel my best performance so far. It’s cool to hear a girl into horror flicks.

Rock on Sarah!!

Do you know about Itallion horror film maker Mario Bava? He did Blood and Black Lace, Black Sunday and Black Sabbith. He’s one of my favrotes. I read your letter to Mira [Sorvino, who Tarantino was dating at the time -Ed.], she loved it too. Write me anytime. I can’t wait for you to get your hands on a camera too.

With all my love

(Signed)

P.S. Sarah, since you liked Dusk so much, coming out soon is a movie we did about the making of “Dusk” called “Full Tilt Boogie”. It shows how much fun we had. I hope you like it.

Not even a cynical-for-a-living prick like me could read that without saying “awww.” It may not be hard, but writing a heartfelt letter to a young fan will always endear you faster than Mickey Rourke kissing his tiny dog (if the ASPCA would replace that stupid Sarah McClachlan commercial with Mickey Rourke kissing his dog, I would throw my entire wallet at them every time it came on). Now for the weird part: Tarantino’s character in Dusk Till Dawn was a perverted psychopath who offered to eat Juliette Lewis’ pussy after he had a hallucination in which she asked him to. And this was the character 13-year-old Sarah was so drawn to. I’m not sure if she’s a Tarantino fan, or a Tarantino character (I picture her basically as the little girl from The Crow). In fact, I think the coke wizard may have written that letter and slipped it in Quentin’s vest pocket while he was out chopping wood. Q-Ball never chops wood in his vest, always the pith helmet.

(The German version of the eat-my-pussy scene, which is even creepier).

Join The Discussion

Quent’s love of feet extends to writing with his. Content aside, that letter wouldn’t have looked less legit if the letters were cut and pasted from copies of Guns & Ammo, Barely Legal and See Spot Run.

05.10.11 at 7:00 pm

Meth Homework

Haha classic pandering to geek girls love it Vince

05.10.11 at 7:16 pm

Patty Boots

Weirdness aside, that is really adorable. It makes me want to hug Tarantino, which is the first (and most likely last) time I will ever say that about a guy with a foot fetish.

05.10.11 at 7:18 pm

future kid

I still think you should stop Vince. Texting 13 year old girls a photo of your junk is not the same thing. Although it’s about as impressive as Tarantino’s handwriting.

05.10.11 at 7:21 pm

spazmodic

Dear Sarah,
Would you like me to eat your pussy for you?
Richie.

05.10.11 at 7:23 pm

spazmodic

HAHA! Reading the whole post AFTER making a comment is the coolest thing. You guys should try it!!

05.10.11 at 8:01 pm

Alkeras

I think the Coke Wizard is Robert Richardson, Tarantino’s cinematographer for Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2, and Inglourious Basterds. Though I’m sure the nickname is still entirely appropriate.

05.10.11 at 10:54 pm

ChinoMoreno

What are you talking about? He autographed that photo for Satan.

05.11.11 at 5:58 am

Cash Bailey

Some people think ‘Inglourious Basterds’ was some clever trope that Tarantino created. It wasn’t. It’s because the bastard can’t spell.

05.11.11 at 10:08 am

Ace Rimmer

Ok, ‘fess up you guys. Who broke the upcoxx this time?

05.11.11 at 10:45 am

GenePoolParty

But can Quentin’s character save me 15% or more on car insurance?

05.11.11 at 11:04 am

Erswi

WTF is going on with the avs? Tell me I don’t have to reload mine.

05.11.11 at 11:04 am

Erswi

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

05.11.11 at 12:04 pm

QuentinTarantinosCokeWizard

@Alkeras: I do take the form of Robert Richardson to allay suspicion. The real Richardson was killed, raped and eaten by Tom Sizemore on the set of Natural Born Killers. It’s best to think of my “true” form as a pillar of powder- like Lot’s wife, but with coke instead of salt.

05.11.11 at 3:20 pm

My Newt

Quentin Tarantino only writes in meter.

05.11.11 at 5:36 pm

MrTwister

I like the 1996 response from Quentin to Sarah better than the 2006 follow up correspondence:

“Dear Sarah. It’s been awhile. Can I get a pic of your feet? Splooge!”