My Journey into a BDSM Community

How to articles are great to read, but here is the story of what I encountered as I was taking my first steps into a local BDSM or kink community. Hopefully it will lend a bit of insight into what you can expect.

Baby Steps First

I’m shy. My plan would never in a million years be to find a BDSM event nearby and try to make friends there. All my friends at the time were so vanilla; mentioning using a silk scarf to bind my hands with my girlfriend at the time overwhelmed them with risqué sexuality.

So, where was I to turn? To the internet, of course. From the knowledge I gained lurking online and doing a quick Google search, I found FetLife.com. FetLife is a BDSM and fetish community site, like Facebook for kinky people. I’m sure there are other lovely and useful sites out there, but this is my story, and this is what I used. Like any new community site, it can be a bit overwhelming at first, and I definitely took my time just observing before doing anything.

Slowly, I started getting more involved online with talking to people and making friends… and getting frustrated with a BUNCH of sort creepy, random guys that I had no interest in trying to hook up with me. As sexist as it is, I’m pretty sure that if you are female, you can expect the same to happen to you. Males may be a bit safer from that annoyance

Once again, not being once to jump into a big event without knowing anyone, I was shy. I planned to meet some of the local people I met online, so that I could attend larger events with someone and know some faces there when I showed up.

You want to be safe when meeting people from online; stick to public locations. I went with coffee houses, personally. Coffee seemed like a good plan, because it’s easy to leave quickly if you want to, or if you don’t feel comfortable. It's also easy to linger there talking, too, and it is cheap! I made sure to let a friend know what I was doing, and called them after I left to let them know I was just fine.

I met several people this way; some people I felt a good connection with and have stayed friends with. I also met others where this was not the case. I was lucky enough to find such a good connection with someone, which led to us dating.

Having found a relationship with someone who is involved in the local BDSM community has proven to be very useful to me in terms of making me feel more comfortable going out, and really getting a taste of what the local community was like.

Part of the local BDSM community by me attends a nearby club on the club’s Goth themed night, and sort of takes over this backroom of the club. The Goth scene and BDSM scene seem to be two that go hand in hand rather well. Of course, they don't entirely overlap, but it was a good fit for the community here. This was the event that I planned to go to. Munches could have been a good opportunity to get involved, too, but being able to drink more and blend in at a club seemed like a better match for me. A little liquid courage seemed like a good idea to me.

I made my date explain as much as he could beforehand, and I made him promise to stay by my side. I had him over to help me get ready before we headed out; I wanted to make sure that I did not stick out like a sore thumb, as I’m not really Goth at all. So, I got all dressed up in black and fishnets, with heavy eye makeup. I had a shot or two at my home, and I was ready to go.

Walking into the club, I was very nervous. My date, on the other hand, was immediately greeted by lots of hello’s from people he was good friends with, and he went on to introduce them all to me. I knew a handful of the people there from online, which helped me feel more connected to everyone there at the beginning of the night. I met more and more people, and I found those who I got along with well, and others who I had less in common with. I got to see some people I met play with a violet wand, and even got zapped a couple of times myself. One guy was in the corner, tying people up in rope that they sported all night long. I even got invited over to dinner by one of the girls I met at the club.

That final step of going out and seeing a bit of how the community was together made me feel like I was definitely on the right path to becoming a part of this friendly group of people I was so pleased to have met. It was a lovely night, and I’m looking forward to many more fun nights interacting with the local BDSM community.

So, start slow, and maybe you will find a community that you fit in with, too.