Friday, June 01, 2007

Roman Holiday

Liz has booked the flight and will not get a new dishwasher until 2010.

I'm going to Italy for vacation this summer. In 29 days, 11 hours, and 42 minutes to be exact. I wasn't going to tell you, but then I read an article at Yahoo! News that said that Rome has unusually large quantities of cocaine and marijuana in the air. What kind of city has coke floating around as freely as oxygen? Pot smoke dancing with the exhaust fumes? What kind of city has a reputation for housing the most sexually aggressive men on the Planet?

The best damn city in the world, that's what city.

My passport is supposed to make it in less than a week before the trip. Cutting it close. Thank God we have such a reliable postal system.... sarcastic sigh...

There is a chance I might see the Pope, as we will be visiting the Vatican. When I was in high school and attended my first Catholic Mass, I stuck my finger in the holy water to see if it would burn. It did not. I hope I accidentally run into the Pope- like when he's coming out of the bathroom or something. And I mean literally run into him. If I see him, I am going to ask him if I can borrow his ring. I once literally ran into George Clooney and I once asked Kareem Abdul Jabar if I could make bunny rabbit ears behind his giant head while I had my picture taken with him. I once smoked a cigarette on a Hollywood sound stage made entirely of wood with NO SMOKING signs plastered everywhere. I had permission. I say it never hurts to make physical contact and to make absurd requests. It's that what married people do all the time?

I bought some new pants online for the trip. I have to lay down to button and zip them, so I'm trying to lose 7 pounds in 29 days. They can do that shit on Celebrity Fit Club in a week or two, so I'm not going to start worrying about it until I finish off this pint of Creme Brulee ice cream I have in the freezer. And I'm going to start practicing drinking wine. I've been practicing for years now, but I don't think I can over prepare.

I'll be writing more, pre and post adventure. I plan to try to keep some sort of journal so I don't leave out any interesting details. Especially ones that involve failing my drug test at work when I return to the States. "I swear, I ate a lot of poppy seeds and BREATHED. That's all, boss. That's all."

I would like to help you with the dishwasher problem. Have you considered making out with boys that work at restaurants? That's what I did. He made dinner and did the dishes. I had to let him go because he was a cuddler.