Friday, September 16, 2011

When is it enough?

How much can one give before it is enough? That is the question of the hour in my head. How much can you put your neck on the line for someone else before it starts tripping you up? How does helping someone out once (and for a stated amount of time) turn into an obligation and a responsibility? One that makes you feel guilty because at some point enough IS enough!?! Can they not see that far in front of their nose that they are not the center of the world? That they are owed NOTHING and that I need to give NOTHING? I have my own situations that need to be handled, without the cry of unfairness, bitterness and pulling on the heartstrings. If they'd have opened their eyes and paid attention to anyone but themselves in the past couple of years they'd have realized it. They have relied on the support from over here for too long. I am at the breaking point.

Have you seen my Zen? I have found it misplaced in the past -- the past 2 weeks especially -- finding it is especially trying. We're busy as can be as a family unit. Baseball and gymnastics in the evening. Homework after school and in the evening. Meals. Private time (seriously?) I've become an anxious worry wort. I am struggling to find peace. Zen. Whatever you want to call it: I need it. Desperately.

While searching for it, I found this blog post from 2007 on the Daily Devotional Blog (which I hadn't seen before my search.) I love it. I am not sure that I can wrap my head around the entire concept right now but I get it. Kind of. I need to get it. I need to be able to cast my fears/worries/anxieties on God because I am not strong enough to do this by myself, even with the strength of my family. Recently, my hair began falling out again - terribly. Which I think is a physical manifestation of the anxiety I'm carrying around. Someone is telling me that I have got to slow down, lessen the load and breathe.

15 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Enough is enough when you find the courage to say "Im sorry, I am no longer your emotional crutch" - you do that, and pay attention to yourself a little, your zen will stop playing hiding seek on you :)

A friend of mine and I share this little phrase when we notice that we're trying to do and be too much, "Time to take off the cape." We are not SUPERWOMAN. God never intended us to be... that's HIS job!

I met with a teenager this week -- her mom has gone off the deep end. This teen, who should be enjoying her senior year of high school and planning her own life, keeps getting sucked into her mom's drama. "What happens if this kills her and we aren't close?" My heart breaks. I told her again and again that God is big enough to take care of her mama -- and her -- regardless of what happens.

You can only throw so many ropes into someone's pit trying to help them out. Some day, they need to grasp hold and start climbing. It's up to them to accept the help, not up to us to fill the hole with ropes!

I wrote about it here: http://karendawkins.blogspot.com/2011/07/choose-change.html

God has always the way for us whether we realize it or not. Things will never be enough. We have to carry on and I know the burden is heavy at the same time. Rely on God would be the best thing to do for the moment. Hope you'll get better soon. :)

I have learned that it is ALWAYS okay to say, "enough." If you struggle with saying it already, chances are you are a kind, giving person. You don't need to improve your philanthropy. You already exhibit it. Give yourself some solace. It is the single best thing you can do for yourself. I believe that.

Your family is your most important priority. I know it's hard to say "no". I would try to extricate yourself as nicely as possible. It might be that you're "helping" is hindering some kind of progress that the person needs to be making in their life. By saying "enough", you could actually be helping them in the long run. And casting your worries on God really can help. Offer it up to Him. I hope you are able to have a good weekend!

Enough IS enough. Helping people is courageous and kind. You've done that. If those you help don't choose to recognize and honor your sacrifices in their name by helping themselves, then they are not doing theirs. No one is entitled to a handout. While you are right to strive for the compassion to give a hand up, realize that if someone uses that hand to pull you down, you need to let go.

Someone wise once told me that every time you say "yes" to someone else, even though your heart is saying "no", you are giving a little bit of yourself away each time. It's not easy, but sometimes you have to listen to your heart, and not your head (which tells you that you're not a nice person if you say no). I struggle with this too.

There's a book I love, which you can read in little bits as it suits you, called Peace Is Every Step, by Thich Nhat Hanh - it helps find some inner peace no matter what is going on:)

It can be hard for me as well to say enough. I think even more it's hard for me to realize I've had enough till I find myself ready to explode. I'm learning to give what I can and then stop before I get angry. Thanks for sharing a bit of your own journey!