Sunday, September 5, 2010

Micro.

I saw a man with a micropenis a ways back. At first I thought he'd had it amputated or something (he had normal testicles), but no, it was there, just... not large. It wasn't the size of my pinky--it was the size of my pinky knuckle. He was married.

And I realized, when I thought about it, that their sex life is probably amazing. Something like that forces you to think and talk about sex. When your penis is half an inch long you just can't coast by on "I get on top and stick it in her and that's sex, right?"; you have to get good with your hands and mouth, with being open to using toys, and with communicating what gives you pleasure. It's possible that he has a really intense denial thing going on, or the just have a (happily or not) sexless marriage, but I'd lay better than even odds that having a half-inch penis makes a man great in bed.

I've HAD sex with Mr. Mircopenis. The size of my pinky finger. And let me tell you, for a fat chick, that means it didn't really even go in!

Was he good? HA! He was the WORST partner I've ever had. The man was raised on porn, he thought kissing was sticking our tongues out and having them touch. EW!!!!! I don't know if you've ever tried it, but the sensation just squicked me out. He has a forked tongue, which COULD have been fun, if he'd had any clue whatsoever how to use it, which he didn't! I'm not even sure the man could have pointed out my clitoris, and I have a freaking clitoral hood piercing!

But he's married now, and somehow managed to have a son, and they appear to be a happy couple....but I know it's NOT the sex!

So yeah, that that myth 'tiny penises make men better lovers' with a HUGE grain of salt.

Me personally, I'll take a man with an average size dick ANY day. No inferiority complex, and I actually get FUCKED.

So yeah, that that myth 'tiny penises make men better lovers' with a HUGE grain of salt.

It's wise to take any axiom about "__ makes better lovers" with a grain of salt.

Since everyone has different sexual tastes, there's really no such thing as a "good lover" anyway - only someone whose anatomy and/or skills and/or preferences happen to mesh really well with yours. It always makes me groan and roll my eyes when someone talks about being "good in bed" like it's a universally agreed-upon, scientifically measurable state.

i think it really depends..i don't like receiving oral sex and when i'm having sex with a man i like to feel his dick, and on more than just the tips of my fingers. if he's a giving partner and i really desire him, it would probably be fun but definitely not my idea of great sex. on the other hand, if you get more out of the other things that come with sex other than penetration i could definitely understand the micropenis=great sex idea.

Since everyone has different sexual tastes, there's really no such thing as a "good lover" anyway - only someone whose anatomy and/or skills and/or preferences happen to mesh really well with yours. It always makes me groan and roll my eyes when someone talks about being "good in bed" like it's a universally agreed-upon, scientifically measurable state.

Lol! Agreed. Whenever I hear some guy going on about how he's awesome in bed ("Well, I haven't gotten any complaints") I feel like he has given up on going for the gold every time. He got that one "A+" from some person and has been coasting ever since :-P

Confidence is good but... for lack of a better word - cockiness is not. I think somebody must have some pretty boring-ass sex if they think it is just some old bag of tricks they've totally mastered.

IME, 'good in bed' is measurable to a degree--I mean, there is a basic minimum level of skill, and I think being open to new experiences, good at gauging your partner's level of enjoyment, and more concerned with having fun than stroking your own ego are all things that contribute to making a person good in bed.

A lot of it is just sexual compatibility, though. And having a couple of 'techniques' doesn't make you a great lover, because everybody likes different things.

On the other hand, being attentive and involved (as in, *wanting* to give the person a good time) is something that carries over from relationship to relationship, and partner to partner.

I don't consider myself some paragon of sexual skill, but I'd like to think that my partners have not, in fact, ever had anything to complain about, because it is my pleasure to learn and adapt, and give my partner the best time I possibly can give her.

It's presumably generally the same as any other skill; if you love it, are always open to learning new things, and have opportunity to practice, you're going to get good.

It's specifically a lot like massage skills; a technique that's great for one person might not work at all for another, and as aehbel points out, skill at gauging your partners's enjoyment of what you're currently doing is really important. In massage, it always seems to me that that ability comes to people in proportion to caring.

There are professionals who train and practice massage a LOT but still aren't all that good. They tend to be the people who think that all clients love their work so much that they aren't paying attention to the actual, specific, right-now client.

Whenever I hear some guy going on about how he's awesome in bed ("Well, I haven't gotten any complaints") I feel like he has given up on going for the gold every time. He got that one "A+" from some person and has been coasting ever since :-P

Heh. Whenever a guy says "I haven't gotten any complaints!" I say "Well, women are socialized to be polite..."

Every time I've asked a cocky guy why he's "good in bed", he replies that he lasts a really long time and knows lots of positions. Every. Time. Hilariously, duration and position are two of the sexual things I care about least - and I can't actually think of a single woman I've ever talked to who puts a high priority on those things.

IME, 'good in bed' is measurable to a degree--I mean, there is a basic minimum level of skill,

I can't imagine what that would be. Knowing not to bite your partner's tongue off or punch her in the clitoris is (I REALLY REALLY HOPE) just common sense.

Some of my most rewarding sexual experiences have been with virgins. Specifically: nerdy, much younger virgins. They're attentive, eager to please, articulate enough to communicate really well, and they've done enough book learnin' to know where stuff is and (kind of) what to do with it. But then again I like playing teacher. :D

My other most rewarding experiences have been with, yes, guys who were experienced and attentive and focused and wanted to make sure I had a good time. I remember one time after MIND BLOWING oral sex I asked the guy, "Glaaarghbl?!" (translation: "How did you do that?!") and he replied "most women get less sensitive the more turned on they are, so when your breathing started to change and your hips started moving, I upped my intensity". Holy shit...I hadn't known that this kind of sexual artistry even existed.

But I'm still loathe to use the phrase "good in bed." I guess I'm the opposite of Yoda when it comes to bedroom stuff: "There is no 'do' or 'do not'. There is only 'try'".

perversecowgirl said, he replied "most women get less sensitive the more turned on they are, so when your breathing started to change and your hips started moving, I upped my intensity". Holy shit...I hadn't known that this kind of sexual artistry even existed.

I'm not sure I understand this. OK, well, perfectly matching intensity to excitement is tricky; too much too soon and you overwhelm and desensitize the clit to everything else you're going to do, maybe even cause irritation or hurt. Too little and it gets boring.

But are there people who don't know to increase it with increasing excitement? Or is the point that just basic attentiveness and caring can produce spectacular results?

-- a frequent commenter that doesn't want to sound like they're bragging

I think what amazed me is that I hadn't realized it was possible to stimulate me that vigorously - this guy taught me something about myself that I hadn't known before. I'm really really sensitive - if this guy had announced an intention to lick me super-hard, I'd've cringed and slammed my knees together. But he took a shot without asking first and it totally worked.

Most of my partners have launched into cunnilingus too vigorously from the getgo and it hurt (and sometimes they'd still go too hard despite my repeated and specific instructions). Oral sex is a very tricky thing for me, what with one wrong move causing crippling pain like the stabbing of a thousand knives. This is why I've only orgasmed that way a handful of times in my life.

So, yes, it seems like not that many guys know to start out gentle and up the ante over time. I also haven't had too many partners who were as tuned in to my responses as that one guy was.