The lukewarm smooch tracks from this babe probably couldn't even get a rise from the inmates at Denver County Jail.--John Jesitus

Collective Soul
Hints, Allegations and Things Left Unsaid
(Atlantic)

In which we are left to ponder the eternal question: Is the world really ready for the second coming of the Doobie Brothers?--Brad Jones

Sting
Fields of Gold, The Best of Sting 1984-1994
(A&M Records)

Also known as A Collection of Songs That Sucked the First Time Around but Got Played to Death Anyhow.--Susan Dunlap

Cinderella
Still Climbing
(Mercury)

Wrong again.--Roberts

Celine Dion
Dion Chante Palamondom
(Sony)

If her Disney hits don't convince you that it's all over when the skinny lady sings, try her disco.--John Young

David Sanborn
The Best of David Sanborn
(Warner Bros.)

It's a bad sign when almost half of your "best of" album is terrible.--Linda Gruno

Frankfurt Rock Orchestra
Classic Toto Hits
(MMS)

Whoever named this thing has a great sense of humor.--Roberts

Love and Rockets
Hot Trip to Heaven
(American)

Insomniacs rejoice: This adventure in ambience will lull you to sleep.--Justin McLean

Frank Sinatra
Duets II
(Capitol)

Just imagine how proud Jimmy Buffett will be when he tells his grandchildren, "I was on the worst album Frank Sinatra ever made."--Roberts

The Cranberries
No Need to Argue
(Island)

Get "Zombie" stuck in your head, in your head, and you'll feel like one.--Dunlap

Kenny Rogers
Timepiece
(Atlantic)

Let's hope he sells a lot of chicken, because this is nothing to crow about.--Jesitus

Bon Jovi
Crossroad
(Mercury)

Jon's music is lousy, but you've got to admit--his hair's as nice as a Breck girl's.--Roberts

Slayer
Divine Intervention
(American)

Leave it to these guys to spoil Christmas.--Jones

Various Artists
Soundtrack: Melrose Place
(Giant Records)

An album every bit as hokey as the stuff on the jukebox at Shooters.--McLean

Barney
Barney's Favorites, Volume 2
(EMI)

Horror has a new name.--Roberts

The London Suede
Dog Man Star
(Nude/Columbia)

My worst fear is dying on my way to the Salvation Army store and having someone find this in my backpack before I can give it away.--Dunlap

Reba McEntire
Read My Mind
(MCA)

Judging by this disc, that shouldn't take long.--Roberts

Rob Rule
Rob Rule
(Mercury)

In which we are left to ponder the eternal question: Is the world really ready for the third coming of the Doobie Brothers? --Jones

The Eagles
Hell Freezes Over
(Geffen)

No. No! Noooooooooooo!--Roberts

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