Progressive Reform is sweeping NYU as the unified marijuana users of the school petition for the removal of all the undercover cops from their classes. According to smokers, NYU has been systematically placing up to as many as 15 undercover cops in every single one of their classes.

“It’s discrimination is what it is,” comments Tod Packman, frequent bong hitter and children’s television enthusiast. “There is not a doubt in my mind that this goes all the way to the top. John Sexton created a weed gestapo, man, and now they’re dogging me all day. I know he bugged my apartment.”

When we asked Tod to point out the undercover cops, he responded by saying it’d be easier to point out who isn’t an undercover cop. When we asked him that, he asked if we were in fact cops, saying that we’d “have to tell him, it’s the law.” This continued for upwards of 10 minutes before Tod had lost his train of thought and tried to leave, but pointed out that there were upwards of 200 undercover cops waiting for him in Washington Square Park.

When reached for comment, Andrew Hamilton responded to the petition by saying, “What is weed? You mean the ol’ sticky smoke? Oh yes, yes we have that in England, but no, there are no undercover cops.”