The Fat Girl’s Guide to: Online Dating*

Dating when you’re plus size can be a minefield, am I right ladies? In the run up to Valentine’s Day, you might find yourself on the look-out for a partner. But, how the hell do you navigate the dating landscape as a plus size babe? With a whole tonne of different sites and apps out there like Badoo, Plenty of Fish, Tinder… it’s tough to know which ones will be right for you.

It can be difficult to figure out who’s just in it for a quickie and who wants a full relationship. And when you throw being plus size into the mix, you have to contend with fetish chasers. If you’ve not seen this before, I’m talking about people who are sexually attracted to fat people. I’m not kink-shaming – I think you should get your rocks off to whatever you feel like as long as it’s legal – but not every fat person wants to be objectified. Me? Well I found the love of my life online!

My dating story

I found my fiance, Emma, on a lesbian only dating website back in the 00’s. Back then, gay women were kind of only relegated to specialist websites catering to gay people. It was so obscure now I think about it! Before meeting Em, I had a lot of dating stories.

I tended to look for people local to me, who had a good grasp of grammar (words turn me on!) and who could make me laugh. It’s good to know exactly what kind of person you’re looking for before you start your search. You deserve the best, so it’s good to know what “the best” looks like for you. Obviously, I also looked for people I found attractive! Emma ticked all of those boxes.

Clicking on her message box, I made sure my message was funny, personal and mentioned something on her profile that I had seen. It’s important to be your true self and make yourself stand out from the crowd too. Remember, they’ll be receiving lots of messages a day too so you have to be a welcome distraction from the norm. There’s a fine line between quirky and just plain weird, so just make sure the message you send is something that you would like to receive, it’s not sexually suggestive and it’s not too try-hard.

Choosing a profile picture can be daunting too. My best advice is to choose a photo that’s:

Free of filters

Shows your whole body

Shows you smiling!

Let’s face it, when they meet up with you, they’re going to know that you don’t have butterflies circling your head or a flower crown permanently attached to your head – so why put a photo on that shows that? Also, by being honest about your body, you’ll avoid the idiots that judge you for your body type. Remember, fat bodies are worthy of love too! Showing a photo of you at your happiest is automatically attractive – a smile is sexier than a duckface.

But, times could have changed since I last hit the dating scene. I decided to check out the biggest dating app in the world – Badoo – to let you know how using their app could change your love life for the better!

Luckily, thanks to apps like Badoo (that has over 366 million users – phew!) it’s much easier for people to find their partners. Badoo lets you choose exactly what you’re looking for and why you’re looking for them. Back in the day when I met Emma, all you could be looking for was dating or a shag! Thankfully, if you’re just looking for mates for now, you can set that all up in your preferences on the Badoo app. It makes those initial messages easier to do, especially when you want to know what you’re going into!

I was pretty impressed when I had a look through the app recently. Badoo has got features like social media links and video callsthat you can do through the app which I thought was pretty cool. Imagine how personal you could make your first message having access to their social media! But my fave feature was the “People Nearby” feature. Soooo good for nosey people like me! Nice to know what fitties are in your area too, eh?

Because I’m out of the dating scene, I turned to Facebook to ask for some real stories from real plus size women who have used Badoo to find their partner. After all, I want you to know this works!

This is what they had to say. (Names have been removed for privacy reasons, but stories are not edited at all – this is how they happened!):

“I chatted to my partner for about 2 months before we had our first date, we talked online and over the phone too. We got engaged about 6 months after meeting and we’ve been together as a couple 4 years on New Year’s Day!” – R, Facebook

“Me and my current boyfriend of three years met on Badoo! I had bad experiences too, but now I’m in a happy “he drives me mad” relationship.” – J, Facebook

“I met my other half on Badoo. He was a lot younger than me so I just talked to him as a friend at first. This went on for over a year(!) then finally we said we’d meet for coffee as friends. Two days before we met, he said he didn’t want “just as friends”, so I said let’s see how the first date goes! Met for coffee then had 7 dates in a week and been together now nearly two years.” – A, Facebook

“Well, I was just flicking through on Badoo, thought I’d have another look on Messages, and one popped up. I clicked on it and the message just basically said “hi hope you’re well would like to chat with you sometime” so we started talking. We went for a date and basically just sat on a table just looking at each other for what felt like three hours it was like 20 minutes because we was so shy and so nervous! Out of nowhere, he asked me ‘do you want to go and see a film’, so that was our first date. Now 18 months later, we are engaged to be married in 2019 we are living together. We couldn’t be happier!” – T, Facebook

It was so good to hear about all of your experiences with online dating. Apps like Badoo are really blazing the trail for plus size women to navigate the dating world. It really is possible to find your one and only online – I’m living proof!

Why don’t you add your own story in the comments below? Good or bad, I want to hear it!

*This post is a paid collaboration with Badoo. The stories are unedited, true and by real Badoo users with their permission. All views and words are my own, as always!

I was so against online dating for so long, and it wasn’t immediately fun when I first started. But then I eventually matched with my hunny on both Tinder and Bumble so I always try to encourage others to give it a shot – even just for fun!

I completely agree with your tips – especially that a real smile is more sexy than a duck face! I’ve never used a dating app so can’t add my story (I’ve been with my husband since we were 18 and dating apps weren’t invented them) but if I was single, I’d definitely use something like this x

I met my husband 15 years ago at age 18. We were introduced by friends in the pub. He was my first boyfriend.
He left me last year and I am terrified of dating. This post has given me some confidence that when I’m ready, it might not be a total disaster. Thanks.

I’ve just started dipping my toe into the online dating scene (with not much luck yet, but fingers crossed haha!). My biggest worry is the whole body image and that fact I may get judged when people really see what I look like as I don’t take full body pictures!

I met my boyfriend online we had a long distance relationship for 3 years then I finally moved closer to be with him we have now been together nearly 6 years I was only 15 when we got together and still going strong today! I never though I would find love because I was always bigger than other girls but I did and it was online.

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Oh hey there!

'Sup! I'm Lottie L'Amour. I live in London and I blog about plus size fashion and body positivity. I've won a few awards too, and you've probably also seen my face on Cosmo, ElleUK, Marie Claire and E4's show, Made Over By...!

I was once called "Queen Feminist Whale" by online trolls, and I fully love that. I'm scared of jelly (don't trust how it moves) and spiders. I am addicted to colour and sparkle, and my style is relaxed, fun and wearable. I'm all about LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE so go live yours!