Homer: I saw this in
a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its
SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I
think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

---

Shopkeeper:
Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad. Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good! Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad. Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good! Shopkeeper: The toppings contain sodium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled.] That's bad.!?
Homer: Can I go now?

---

Homer: Here are your
messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes.
Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube.
You have 30 minutes to move your cube.

---

Marge:
I think we're going to need a bigger place.
Homer: No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have
Bart's room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21. Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it. Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think
his name is Mother Shabubu now

---

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm
not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

---

Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M,
they all wind up the same color in the end.

---

Homer: Hey, we didn't have a message
on our answering machine when we left. How very odd.

---

Homer: Maybe, just once, someone will
call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."

---

Homer: Kids, just because I don't care
doesn't mean I'm not listening.

---

Homer: It's not easy to juggle
a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit
in eight hours of TV a day.

Homer: When I first heard that Marge
was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany,
like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing.
Like that movie... Police Academy.

---

Newspaper editor:
We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately
pooh-pooh everything he eats. Homer: Nah, it usually takes a few hours.

---

Homer: Oh, they have the Internet on computers
now.

---

Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll
get me tickets to that game.
[doorbell rings] Ned Flanders: Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go
to the game with me? I got two tick--
Homer: [slams the door, looks heavenward] Why do you mock me, O
Lord? Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle
that Bart tossed up there. [Marge scrapes it off the ceiling into Homer's
hands]
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.

---

Homer:
Well Marge, have you ever seen a field glow like that? Marge: It's eerily beautiful, but are
you sure this is safe?
Homer: Of course not. But you know something? Sometimes you have
to break the rules to free your heart. Marge: You got that from a movie poster.
Homer: Well, when there's nothing left to believe in, believe in
hope.

---

Homer: It's like David and Goliath, only
this time David won!

---

Kent
Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever.
If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and
see the game Sunday morning.
Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning

---

Homer: Please don't eat me! I have
a wife and kids. Eat them!

---

Marge:
I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive.
Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today
is a joke! It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa! Get in here.
[Lisa walks in] In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

Homer's
ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get
into heaven. Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores:
clean the garage, paint the house...
Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not
running for Jesus.

Homer: I want to set the record straight:
I thought the cop was a prostitute.

---

[Ned and Homer are
driving in a snowstorm.]
Ned Flanders: Homer, we just hit something!
Homer: Ooooooh, I hope it was Flanders.

---

Homer:
(Offering Lisa a donut.) Donut? Lisa: Uhh... got any fruit?
Homer: This one has purple in it. Purple's a fruit.

---

Homer: But every
time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember
that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!