Some crazy scientist at Oxford has just uncovered some extraordinary news! It turns out that being active on Facebook, as well as other social networking sites, rewires a developing brain. Wow, that is groundbreaking. It’s not like learning how to play an instrument, listening to music, reading a story, playing sports and other activities will rewire a child’s brain. Oh wait, yes it does. Why is Miss Scientist so concerned? She feels that communicating online will eventually phase out real life conversations and dampen social skills. Someone should remind her that instant messaging has been around forever and that AOL allowed for profiles and social networking long before MySpace or Facebook ever came about.

Emily Yoffe at Slate says this scientist is concerned that “we are at risk of raising a generation of solipsists.” Are we? Or is the solipsist in all of us attracted to this medium of communication and sharing?

Someone needs to calm the alarmists down. Apparently, children’s brains are getting damaged because they aren’t engaging in activities that they have been for millennia. One would think that a child wakes up, spends all day on Facebook, and then goes to sleep and repeats the same thing everyday. Fact check: they don’t do that – adults do and it’s called work (how do you think all that daytime Facebook activity goes on?). Someone should remind these scientists that adult brains are capable of being rewired, damaged and reshaped, too.

I pose this question to those who think that Rock and Roll, TV, radio and Facebook are ruining the younger generation: Do you think there might be a certain personality type that is addicted to those activities? Is social networking ruining the brains of young children, or are young children with the disposition to abuse social networks being ruined?

Guns don’t kill people. People who want to own those guns and kill people… um, kill people.

Have you ever seen those TV shows that play clips of robbery bloopers? Shows that are entitled “World’s Dumbest Criminals” or “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” you know what I’m talking about? Well, not to be terribly insensitive but I just had to laugh when I received an update on the Fruitvale BART situation in the San Francisco Bay Area. Having lived in San Francisco, I’m familiar with most of the BART stops and I also know this one well.

First, let me just say this: BART is not really that safe – as if I had to remind anyone who’s ever been on the train. Not long ago, a kid was shot by police while pinned down at a BART station. This past week, there were shootings at Daly City’s BART stop and a stabbing that lead to a death at the Fruitvale stop. Always remember to take safety precautions and to stay vigilant when you’re riding BART or any other mode of public transportation.

A young fellow named Victor Veliz held a knife to the throat of a visitor from the East Coast while his friend, Christopher Gonzalez, threatened to shoot the victim. Apparently, this victim had a bad feeling about the two as he got onto the train as he told his friend over the phone. (Hint: If you have a bad feeling, take the next train or get onto the next car.) In a flurry of panic, the victim managed to grab the knife, land a punch on one of the assailants and stab the other in the chest.

Bravo, Mr. East Coast Victim!

Is it bad that this thrills me? Well, imagine yourself at the movies following an innocent character. He finds himself in a sticky situation, such as the BART incident, and manages to thwart and hurt the villainous robbers. Tell me that doesn’t give you a rush!

Here’s what I find laughable: Gonzalez, who was stabbed in the chest, stumbled home and cried out for his mommy, daddy and sister. Meanwhile, his gangster buddy Victor made it to Gonzalez’s home with the “victim’s” cell phone, the damning evidence. Gonzalez fell into the arms of his father, and in epic fashion, died.

Enter the father who defends his son’s reputation and upholds his work ethic. Okay, your son might have had good intentions (though I highly doubt it) and he might have been as hard a worker as you say. But nothing changes the fact that he threatened another person and paid a big price for it. Hey, if you’re threatening to shoot an unarmed man and he grabs your friend’s knife and stabs you in the chest, I’d say you had it coming.

Do I feel bad? Sure, I do. Is it funny to me? Yes, it is. Why is it funny to me? No matter how desperate a situation can be, you still have decisions to make and you have to take responsibility for the outcomes of those decisions. Crying to your parents after you threatened to kill someone elicits a chuckle and having your father say, “I want someone to pay,” is even laughable. Sorry, daddy, but you didn’t do your job. Someone did pay for what happened – it was your son. The victim, on the other hand, is let go for self-defense.

Someone needs to clip this and make an animated .gif! (Although as of this writing, or perhaps prior to it, someone is already hard at work making it happen.) I can’t say I like George W., but I don’t hate him, either. Hate is such a strong word and I reserve it for special people only. Still, you’ve gotta give it up for a man at that age who can dodge one shoe right after another in a surprise attack! This reminds me of Austin Powers, “Who throws a shoe? Honestly?” I’m not a mind reader, but I’m guessing that Iraqi reporter wasn’t too thrilled to see our President up on the podium. The guy obviously knows what the repercussions are and was completely willing to accept responsibility for his Nolan-Ryan-esque efforts. Personally, I think he wasn’t quick enough on the draw because the second shoe should have landed. Bush, one, Iraqi reporter, zero. Bush wins. While it was not a classy move, it’s hilarious as hell!

I hope this teaches a great lesson to future leaders and to Americans in general: Be on the lookout for flying footwear.

Nostradamus has been famous for “predicting” future events and, depending on how they were interpreted, his prophecies have been surprisingly accurate. The problem, however, is that all of his predictions were vague and ambiguous. The prophecies were never clear and time frames weren’t definitively set, which makes it open to all for interpretation. Add to that the fact that he has far more misses than hits (much like Bible interpretations and prophecies) and you essentially have nothing beyond the mathematical probability of outcomes. If I made thousands of predictions, very loosely written and vague, it’s almost a guarantee that a handful of them would come to pass.

Enter Gerald Celente, the hokey Nostradamus of our day. Celente also makes “predictions” and has foreseen doom in the near future. What’s the latest word from the modern-day prophet? America is doomed and nothing can be done about it. Over the course of the next four years, we will no longer be an industrialized nation, we’ll be scouring for food, there will be rebellions and riots, and all hell will break loose – to say the least. Wow, what a bold statement in hopes that everyone will forget within the next four years. That’s the beauty of prediction these days. You make them long enough that people will forget if they don’t come to pass, but if for some reason the prophecies come to fruition, you dig up your documented predictions and smugly say, “I told you so.”

Apparently, Celente has “accurately predicted” the fall of the USSR, the market crash in 1987, and the Asian currency crisis in 1997. How does he do it? Does he study social, market, and economic trends? Does he gather this data and use mathematical modeling and forecasting to come to reasonable possibilities? Does Celente allow for error and come up with figures to back his doomsayer predictions? Nay, Celente doesn’t subscribe to reason and uses the following method:

According to Gerald Celente, Director of the Trends Research Institute and author of Trends 2000, the key to tracking trends is to read two newspapers every day with a purpose — either The Wall Street Journal or The Financial Times, plus The New York Times or USA Today. Look for stories with social, economic, and political significance, be it about the difficulties older suburbs face or the current currency crisis. (You’ll know by the headline or the first paragraph.) Skip the stories that are purely human interest or that are about something that hasn’t happened yet (for example, a jury resuming deliberation on a sensational trial).

When a crisis does occur, tune in to the extra in-depth analyses that you’ll find in accompanying background pieces probably in more than one of the newspapers. Read them as though you’re a “political atheist,” Celente recommends — not for what you want or hope, but for what is really going on, not only in your own profession or industry, but for trends that may directly or indirectly shape the future.

There you have it – and how convenient and simple! All you have to do is read two newspapers everyday, make sure to read between the lines, and then make an objective conclusion about what should happen next, not what you hope to happen. In all seriousness, if there is a such a thing, who would listen to such a dope? One fine example is this painfully long blurb from Alex Jones’ Infowars. Doing a little research shows that, along with Alex Jones, all the Bible-thumping, hell-and-brimstone fanatics hail Celente as their prophet and take his predictions, which have a predilection for gloom and depression, very seriously.

Anyone who listens to a forecaster who is very specific, extremely positive or negative, and has nothing to substantiate his or her claims would do well to be skeptical. Don’t get me wrong – there are plenty of companies out there who study trends and make predictions, but it’s what they do for a living. These types of forecasters actually have several working models to come to the conclusions that they do, and even then they openly state the room for error and inaccuracy. Be wary of anyone who is firm and definitive, they’ll end up looking like an ass in the end.

Yes, I am chalking this one up to religion because I am unafraid to say it: I am a staunch atheist and agree with Christopher Hitchens when he says, “Religion poisons everything.” One of the most recent and tragic acts committed in the name of religion and Islamic law is the stoning of a 13-year-old girl who begged for her life after she was raped. One observer said the young girl cried out, “Don’t kill me, don’t kill me!” 50 men soon went on to stone her to death. What’s worse is there were about 1,000 people who sat and witnessed the poor little girl’s horrid fate. Imagine how helpless the child must have felt being buried with only her head exposed as those religious fanatics committed what they believe is acceptable by Islamic law.

How did it ever get this far, you ask? Well, whatever drove those men to lie is beyond me, but the story allegedly begins with a 23-year-old woman who confessed to adultery. Why a woman would do such a thing, knowing what punishment awaits her, is beyond me (though it didn’t actually happen) – but how one stretches the truth in order to stone a little girl to death is even more despicable (much like religion itself). There was never a 23-year-old woman involved; the girl was only 13 years old and she didn’t commit adultery. If being raped by three men weren’t enough, authorities managed to turn the story around. Much to the demise of the little girl and saving embarrassment for the rapists, no one faced or owned up to the truth.

I dare any reader to contend that religion had anything to do with this. Religion has been responsible for unborn babies being slashed out of stomachs. Religious fanatics have been responsible for murdering girlfriends and beating boyfriends simply because they were found in a car together, unaccompanied. Islamic fanatics are the reason planes flew into the World Trade Center and hypocritical Christians are the reason that war ensued in Afghanistan and Iraq shortly thereafter. And now, a poor child is gone forever and ever because of a bunch of bastards who subscribe to ridiculous laws and use religion to propogate their perverse world.

How would you feel if you wrote a fictional story and are arrested for it? Well, earlier this year there was a woman arrested for child pornography, but there were no actual children involved – she wrote a book depicting child pornography. Now, a Kentucky high-schooler is facing similar problems as he was arrested and facing felony charges! What was his crime, you ask? Well, William Moore, 18-year-old high school student from Kentucky, wrote a fictional piece on zombies taking over a high school. You heard it right – it wasn’t his high school and it certainly wasn’t a legitimate terrorist plot, but the police thought it was a credible threat and arrested Moore.

“My story is based on fiction,” said Moore, who faces a second-degree felony terrorist threatening charge. “It’s a fake story. I made it up. I’ve been working on one of my short stories, (and) the short story they found was about zombies. Yes, it did say a high school. It was about a high school over ran by zombies.”

Even so, police say the nature of the story makes it a felony. “Anytime you make any threat or possess matter involving a school or function it’s a felony in the state of Kentucky,” said Winchester Police detective Steven Caudill.

The lesson here? No one is safe from ignorance and stupidity, but it’s even worse coming from law enforcement and the government. FUCK. KENTUCKY. AND. ITS. GOVERNING. BODY. Way to encourage future Stephen Kings there, chicken boys.