im about right up to my brink with this. what am i suppose to answer, or rather, how am i suppose to answer such a question?! isn’t my absence clear enough as the answer?! its really frustrating. its been almost 6 months, and still it all seems like some high school drama. ive never gotten myself into so much gossip ever since i started going to church. explains a hell lot doesn’t it?! normally i’d ran far far away from these nonsense.. and have kept a clean record for as long as i know. and the moment you start to trust people, u probably open the doors to like gossip land or something. its insane. no wonder the bible says the tongue is the most malicious weapon. i can’t take it. seriously. i can’t. i’m tired of trying, tried of pretending everything seems ok. the fake hellos, small talk and what nots. its just not me. and i can’t put up with it. and i definitely don’t need it. i loathe it. i hate it. i don’t want to have anything to do with it. i hate how you guys just think its fine to play around and bring shit up as and when you feel like it. and you still have the guts to tell me things seem like they’re improving. wow, kudos to you. u have a mind beyond belief. its so frustrating it hurts. like how you get so angry until it hurts on the inside. to think that i was so stupid, and still am. i don’t understand how people can be so fake. or live in delusion for that matter.

i came across this online: The Furthest Distance In The World by Rabindranath Tagore and it really means so much and holds so much truth. every verse kinda means something to me, so i’ll not post them all at once but in separate occasions. for tonight this shall be:

The furthest distance in the world
Is not being apart while being in love
But when plainly can not resist the yearning
Yet pretending You have never been in my heart.

the personal private life got put on haitus thanks to the crazy campaign. some how everything seemed like such a big rush and everything just came at once. it was pretty crazy. too much tension, too little time, and way too many things to be done. we were basically running on adrenalin. we had a total of 3 weeks to basically organize an event for 500++ people from scratch, with no help whatsoever. it was beyond insane. 4 girls running the entire show wthout helpers is really a miracle. plus on top of that we had a press conference to hold! yes, like we weren’t busy enough. oh yes.. plus the studio interview on razzor tv.

Fitting

i think just about a week before the event we had the fitting for the models.. it was quite fun.. and the attempt trying to teach them how to walk sorta failed!

the big mess at secret garden

trying out their poses perhaps..

alvin, nicole & jayne

it was quite a crazy day. we had gone to NUS in the morning to give out invites for our event.. and spent the entire day hiking all around the campus which has a hell lot of stairs! then it was a rush to get the clothes and to the place for fitting. and best of all, i had lost my wallet at smu and only to realize it after the fitting!!! gee.. thank god someone was nice enough to keep it.

and so at night mel had the brilliant idea of giving out invites at the halls in nus.. so it was back to nus again. it was pretty hilrious creeping around at 10 at night going door to door handing out free party invites. and what’s worse is that both of us were completely cluless about the area so we were really wandering all around. and there were these half dressed boys coming out in shock it was pretty hilarious! imagine in the middle of your night, someone girl knocks on your door and asks, “hi! would u like a free invite to a party at zouk?” i seriosuly couldn’t stop laughing! and thanks to alfred who came down to help bring us around!

Gen Clear Press Conference

i completely happily did not memorize my speech. ok. i couldnt even if i wanted to. oh well. it was pretty formal. and officey.. i dunno! i dont like such things. half the time i was trying not to laugh or keep myself from looking bored. u know how freakin short my attention span is. thank god i had my mac book right in front of me and i could happily type nonsense away! haha.. it went pretty well i’d say. tons of interviews after that. praying damn hard everyone was saying the same thing ad not getting the group into shit.