Terrible things. This is primarily a horror fiction journal, it is a given that potentially upsetting subjects lurk therein. Forewarned is forearmed.

PARASITE: Taliones

PUBLIC HEALTH REPORT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

JUNE 2nd 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

Studies continue to be informative, if not uhh..explosive. Thankfully we have our subjects contained inside pods, to minimise any resulting fallout. We haven’t been at a loss for willing subjects, it’s amazing what the threat of an incredibly painful death can do for motivation. Of course we have announced via various mediums that we’re always on the lookout for subjects who can help us conduct research in the hopes of reducing mortality rate. If they think there’s a chance they might come out of it ALIVE..then they’re more willing to come forward.

We are still battling against the aforementioned mortality rate in those who commit sexual assault. It’s interesting to see what people constitute as sexual assault, and what they don’t. One subject did the same thing as the man in our Primary Case did. He’d been removing condoms during sex with women on one night stands. He’d gotten away with a few times of course, but he screwed up and was caught when he clearly got too cocky from his lack of discovery in previous endeavours. When his latest ‘conquest’ became pregnant, he panicked and came forward after he started spewing worms and shitting himself into oblivion. When pressed on the subject of sexual assault by the police beforehand, he said he hadn’t done anything of the sort. Rather foolishly, he blurted out that the worst thing he’d ever done was to slyly remove condoms on one night stands. The detective on duty flew across the table at him, and spat back that deceptively removing a condom without consent during sexual intercourse, was in fact very much sexual assault.

Of course when he learned his victim was pregnant, he lost his mind entirely and started screaming and demanding help. Just like everyone else, he’d been watching various news reports on the current parasitic epidemic facing the country, and was quite terrified. His sorry self was handed over to us the same night.

Subjects have committed varying degrees of sexual assault before they end up with us, some far too horrific to document. In cases where a victim has survived gang rape, every rapist has succumbed to the parasite.

Cases where subjects have attempted to commit suicide by various methods, have also been gruesomely fascinating. The subject in my last report who developed gills during his attempt to drown, was the first instance we learned of. One man threw himself off a ten storey building, only to survive. His body was outwardly smashed to pieces of course, but he survived up until the parasites erupted. We wanted to see if his body would reset itself in order to nourish the parasite, however his pain levels were so excruciating that we had to put him in a medically induced coma, mainly because of the screaming that upset the other subjects. Nobody wants to witness what might happen to them. You might expect a person’s head to be smashed open if they fell from a great height, but bizarrely, his head injuries were superficial, almost like his head was temporarily immune to serious injury. His internal organs were entirely intact, only his musculoskeletal system was annihilated.

Our most horrific subject ‘preservation’ after attempted suicide, was a man who self immolated. He was absolutely stinking drunk, and had doused himself in petrol. He burned for a good while, but the burns didn’t quite make it to his internal organs. His skin was blackened and cracked, horribly blistered and pulsing with larvae. We sedated him initially, but he was contingent in our research that deduced that the parasite can indeed preserve its host through fire, right up until they hatch and devour the corpse. That one was not for anyone with a weak stomach.

PUBLIC HEALTH REPORT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

JUNE 30th 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

We appear to have at least one mutation, with another possible one in tow. Whilst previously a victim would have to fall pregnant before infestation took place, it now seems that it is enough for an antagonist’s semen to enter the body in order for it to manifest an infestation. This means semen on an abuser’s fingers or elsewhere (body part) is enough to kick start the process. Swallowing semen seems to have the same result. Pregnancy is now no longer a pre-requisite for infestation.

We believe that levels of stress exhibited in the body when it is under attack, are the catalyst for infestation. We can only estimate at this point that a victim’s body secretes something that combines with an antagonist’s semen to produce the parasite. We have our best endocrinologists examining women who have come forward after their parasite removal procedures were successful. Do we have a new hormone here? How does it interact, and what is the catalyst in the male species? We know it is carried in semen, but is it simply semen, or has that itself mutated?

The other potential mutation is with regard to barrier method contraception. It seems that condoms are no longer sufficient to protect against infestation. We believe that whatever the victim secretes, is now corrosive and breaks down any protective methods. Men attempting to protect themselves from infestation by using condoms during their attacks, might find themselves infested regardless. Studies continue.

CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

July 4th 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Transcribed).

Reports of penetrative sexual crime against women have dropped significantly throughout the country in the last month. Whatever this parasite is, it’s terrifying enough of the male populace into decreasing certain behaviours, but encouraging others. From the information we have received from Public Health, the parasite only infests if semen enters the victim’s body. Semen has to be deposited within the victim somehow for it to manifest. Penetration with any body part covered in semen, will result in parasitic infestation in both parties.

Whilst certain crimes have dropped significantly, non sexual violent crimes seem to be on the rise. Since sexually violent men seem to have no safe way to violate women unless they keep from ejaculating, they are taking it out on them in other ways. Additionally, reports of attacks on trans women have increased, and as we know, they are already significantly high. Sexworkers report that enquiries from usually aggressive clients have also dropped significantly, especially given the recent possible mutation where victims potentially secrete a corrosive substance known to melt barrier methods such as condoms. However, sexworkers also report that they are increasingly afraid of being immobilised by men who want to take their frustrations out on them with non sexual violence. It is common knowledge between law enforcement and sexworkers that they are often the target of non sexual violence, and right now is no exception. We owe it to our working girls to provide them with the protection they deserve, especially our trans sexworkers.

Our phones have been ringing off the hook with reports from women who have had personal property destroyed by frustrated domestically violent partners. Not only has non sexual physical violence increased, but reports of increased emotional and psychological abuses are coming in. As an example, one lady reported to coming home from work to discover her car had been mangled beyond recognition. All the windows were smashed, the tyres were slashed to pieces, and it looked like someone had taken a lump hammer to every panel and light on it. When she got into her flat, she discovered all her clothes had been burned on the kitchen floor, her home comforts entirely destroyed, her carpets ruined with bleach, and every piece of crockery smashed and thrown around. In the midst of all that mess, she found a note written in her ex partner’s handwriting:

“I might not be able to ruin you anymore, but I can fuck up your stuff. You’re mine you nasty little cunt, never forget that.”

The woman had been in a long suffering relationship with a deeply sexually and domestically violent man who was in and out of prison for a multitude of crimes. Despite them no longer being in a relationship, he frequently visited and inflicted himself on her over and over again. She had always been too intimidated to do anything about his violent behaviour until now. If this parasite is an evolutionary method of minimising male sexual violence, then we can only hope it evolves further to halt male violence entirely.

PUBLIC HEALTH REPORT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

July 10th 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

We can now confirm that the catalyst for the parasite is a new hormonal secretion, and that it is indeed corrosive to barrier method contraception. We had to resort to some fairly unorthodox experiments to properly arrive at that conclusion, but I feel they were entirely necessary. We’re calling it LT1 for now, until we analyse it completely. We can also confirm that if a victim is unconscious due to inebriation or the like, the body still knows it is under attack, and secretes LT1 accordingly.

Test subjects were funneled in from several high security prisons, both male and female populations. We drafted in the most violent of offenders, ones that were never going to see freedom ever again. I make no apologies for doing what we had to. I made the call, this is my facility. I’ve served my country for forty years and made sacrifices that many are not capable of making.

Our experiments gave us the evidence we needed, what is secreted, from where, the effect it has on barrier methods, and how it interacts with semen in which to manifest an infestation:

LT1 is produced alongside oestrogen in the ovaries.

During an attack, it is secreted throughout the body, where it locates the point of seminal ejaculation. It then simultaneously bonds with sperm, and absorbs into the body of both the antagonist, and his victim.

It contains an enzyme which is responsible for the corrosion of barrier method contraception, tests reveal all current varieties of condoms are vulnerable.

With regard to the Primary Case, accounts from medical personnel that state the parasite did not show up on imaging or indeed to the naked eye until its developmental process neared completion, are being evaluated thoroughly. All cases in our lab have shown up on various imagery, and test sampling. We can only surmise that in the initial manifestations of the parasite, it remained undetectable until it mutated further.

We currently have no way of removing the parasite from male biology, even in its early stages of development. Once the parasite infests its host, its primary areas of infection are the blood and skin. Complete blood transfusions and dialysis have no effect, as subcutaneous parasites reabsorb into the blood stream. We further experimented with shock therapy in order to see how the parasite might react, to no effect. Our next trials will involve both chemotherapy and radiotherapy, although we do not hold out much hope given what we have learned thus far, with this parasitic penchant for survival. If it continues to mutate in order to endure, we could be dealing with a potentially catastrophic event.

CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

July 25th 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Transcribed).

Alarming reports are emerging from the labs at Public Health. A reporter from The Guardian has a contact on the inside, who has come forward with some deeply disturbing and potentially incriminating information. There are rumours that the lead scientist at the facility Dr. John Milton, has been using inmates from high security prisons as subjects for their experiments studying the parasite.

The reports are shocking. Subjects have allegedly been kept in isolation pods and subjected to tests involving drowning, and immolation. Both male and female inmates from the aforementioned high security prisons have been antagonised and coupled together in order to recreate a violent sexual assault, for purposes of investigating the mechanism of infestation. There is rumour that a new hormone has surfaced, which Public Health are now referring to as LT1, which the female body secretes during a violent sexual attack. This is supposedly the catalyst when combined with semen internally. The details are a little convoluted because we don’t understand the details very well, however we have our best team analysing the reports.

The contact also leaked a short video of a subject enduring the ‘immolation phase’, which is horrific to say the least. We are cautious at this point given the advanced capability of video special effects, however every effort is being made to verify its authenticity. Whilst the apparent attack on violence against women seems to be the core purpose of this parasite, we cannot condone the utilisation of non consenting human beings, even in the face of a biological catastrophe. Our investigations continue.

CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

July 29th 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Transcribed).

We have received even more disturbing footage from the informant at Public Health. The informant has expressly forbidden publication of this information in the press for the time being, until they can be sure of providing enough incriminating evidence, along with an immunity deal.

The provided footage shows naked female subjects in glass isolation chambers, presumably women taken from our high security prisons. Male prisoners are then introduced and locked away, and left to do as they please. Given the violent nature of these men, it is not hard to deduce what happens in those chambers. Some of these assaults are more violent than others. Sometimes more than one male prisoner is put into the chambers, from what we can see up to six at a time. We have evidence that at least two female prisoners lost their lives during the onslaughts, whereafter a lot of yelling could be heard from the recording scientists, followed by security guards immobilising the prisoners with the use of what appeared to be cattle prods.

We can only assume that the female prisoners were to be kept alive, and on several occasions, the male prisoners went too far and killed them. I have seen some vile footage in my time, but this was beyond anything human. There was a great deal of blood, vomit, and every bodily fluid known to man. I came away from it feeling sickened and extremely shaken. When they finished with one round of prisoners, they simply hosed down the cells, and started again.

What information does Dr. Milton glean from this? I should like to pull him in for questioning, but doing this too quickly could jeopardise the safety of our informant. It is too valuable an asset to compromise at this point.

PUBLIC HEALTH REPORT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

August 2nd 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

We have collected a good number of parasites from the various experiments we have had the honour of performing here. As much this parasite is having a devastating effect on us, it is intensely fascinating to be able to study it up close. There are several differences between parasites that infest male and female biology. Parasites infesting male biology are inferior to their female counterparts. They are smaller, and have only basic anatomy. They are a translucent white in colour, and at full size measure roughly nine inches in length, with varying degrees of fatness. In male infestations, whole bundles of these things form, entwined with one another, feeding off the host. They appear quite mollusc like, producing a thin yellow slime that presumably aids their movement around the abdominal cavity of its host. We are unsure of why the host expels tinier versions of the parasite in vomit and faecal matter, and can only surmise that perhaps underdeveloped parasites are unnecessary and subtract from the nourishment of the more developed. Parasites appearing in sores and boils might also be prone to expulsion for much the same reason.

Male host parasites are very plain in appearance from the outside, with a small red ‘sucker’ at one end, and a bundle of pink tendrils at the other. Under observation, parasites link together inside their host to share nutrients, sucker to tendril. The tinier superfluous worms which face expulsion, have neither sucker nor tendrils. Internally, these creatures are simplistic and serve to produce their yellow lubrication, and absorb nutrients. The hissing noise they emit seems to induce explosive vomiting and head pain to anyone in close proximity.

Female host parasites are singular. It is almost like the a colony forms between the antagonist, and his victim, except they’re maintained separately. The ‘Queen’ resides in the female victim and absorbs nutrients as a human pregnancy would, even mimicking its life-cycle, along with causing morning sickness, unusual cravings, hormonal breakouts, lactation, and of course steady growth. We believe the Queen lays eggs towards the end of her gestation, which flow out of her and hatch inside the inky noxious fluid that breaks in a similar manner to waters breaking in a pregnant woman. We believe those eggs hatch to produce temporary guardians for the oncoming ‘birth’ which we haven’t actually witnessed yet. We don’t know if there is actually an event similar to traditional human birth, or if the Queens burst their way out in the same manner they do from male hosts. We only know that they explode violently if removed from the female host prematurely. We will therefore begin trials to see what happens when they’re carried to term.

Since we don’t possess an intact female host parasite yet, we cannot describe its physiology. We suspect they might be significantly superior to male host parasites, studies will continue. We need to pin down an actual gestational period, along with developmental stages and such. We believe the Primary Case as seen in Emma and Dan, will be quite dissimilar to new findings given the rate at which these parasites are adapting.

CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

August 15th 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Transcribed).

Our informant has now provided us with solid photographic evidence that our forensic team is processing, in addition to the clips and in-facility CCTV footage previously passed along. There are…women that we believe are prisoners, kept sedated in large pods. They appear to be heavily pregnant, hooked up to gods only know how many drips for whatever reason. Some of them are visibly scarred and bruised from what we think are the violent onslaughts we saw in previous footage from the cells. Two of the women look familiar from that footage, although we have still yet to identify them from prison records.

Aside from their predicament and previous scarring from prolonged sexual assault, they look healthy. Some of them appear more pregnant than others, they are clearly at different stages of parasitic development. Given that previous victims have survived by undergoing surgery at a crucial point during infestation, we are not sure what the purpose of this sedated pod party is. Previous accounts from the surgeon who saved Emma’s life during surgery in the Primary Case, said that the parasite exploded when it was removed, so what are they trying to achieve with this?

Unless..oh. Ohgod. What if they are trying to see what happens when a parasite is allowed to carry full term? That’s..sickening. I mean, I know they need to study a female host organism, but the idea of using those women as gestational units for experimental purposes is..abhorrent. We need more information. Fuck. Shit, sorry I know this is official stuff but, this is getting creepier and I’m beginning to lose my ability to be entirely cool about this. Get it together Valentina. You need to get into that facility somehow.

PUBLIC HEALTH REPORT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

September 20th 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

We were right.

A full gestational period for a female host parasite, equates to one calendar month. What we weren’t expecting, is what happens when full development occurs. Hosts go through a labour of sorts, but it is not one that produces offspring. As in the Primary Case, the same inky vile fluid gushes from the vagina, producing the newly hatched ‘guardian’ parasites which emit the vomit inducing hissing sound. That hissing serves as a preventative so the Queen can properly merge with her host, undisturbed. The Queen, once full developed, undergoes a metamorphosis of sorts, which from what we have seen so far, spans roughly twelve hours from start to finish, some a little less, but nothing more. This is…excruciatingly painful for the host, so the fact that we sedated our subjects was for the best.

Their bloated abdomens could be seen convulsing and contorting at varied speeds throughout the ‘merge’, gradually diminishing in size down to their former un-infested state. On completion of the merge, the guardian parasites simply expire and break down into the same inky black fluid from which they hatched. The Queen reduces in size and slips down behind the uterus of the female host, her upper tendrils extending to curl around the Fallopian tubes and ovaries. Her lower tendrils secure themselves around the cervical external orifice, sitting perfectly still unless penetration occurs. Upon penetration, these tendrils protrude down through the cervix, and open in a flower like state, serving as a protective barrier into the uterus. We do not know if this is to prevent semen from entering the uterus, or if it is simply a safeguard. Given that the victim in an attack secretes LT1, perhaps this newfound symbiosis is a secondary wall of defence. Should sexual intercourse happen as a result of an entirely consensual union, then we hope nothing untoward will occur. Naturally, we need to see what happens during a sexual assault with a symbiont in situ.

We kept our female hosts sedated for a further twenty-four hours post merge. At that point, we witnessed their bodies go through something of a visible transformation. Any scars, bruising, or damage otherwise incurred from their sexual assault, completely disappeared. They are of course still prisoners and as such will spend the remainder of their lives here at the facility with my team, but this facility is a preferable environment to that of a high security prison. This will allow us to conduct innumerable studies to our benefit.

Female hosts or Taliones as we now refer to them, were up and on their feet with an extremely healthy appetite and notable motivation, forty-eight hours post merge. Taliones who reported any long term illness prior to their arrival, now appear to be free of any ailments. We naturally assume that these new symbiotic relationships require no extra management, dietary or otherwise, however we will put subjects through their paces to see precisely how they have been altered overall. Images and scans performed at each developmental stage throughout infestation have given us the data we need to provide authorities with answers to some of their questions, but we still have much work to do, with the male hosts particularly.

CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT:

PERSONAL NOTES.

September 30th 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Transcribed).

I have been told in no uncertain terms, that I am not allowed to seek a warrant to gain access to the facility. Those above me aka those who are friendly with Dr. Milton at Public Health, have told me to back off and leave our investigations alone unless something significantly new happens in the public eye. This was not unexpected, this level of bullshit, is something I am used to. I am quite unfazed at using coarse language at the moment, since we are in fact dealing with something horrific. The powers that be are happy to allow our informant to play both sides so that we are moderately in the loop, but won’t allow me to push for access based on that information. As usual, a great deal of my work is profoundly frustrating. Unfortunately, our informant is becoming more and more reluctant to provide new evidence. They have been caught once in an area they weren’t supposed to be in, and now believe they’re being closely monitored as a result.

PUBLIC HEALTH REPORT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

October 10th 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

Progress with the Taliones continues to be…interesting. When coupled with previously violent male prisoners, their apprehension seems to be somewhat diminished, and given the results of said couplings, it’s not hard to figure out why. We put them in cells one on one with new extremely violent male prisoners, aaaand naturally the men thought they were in for a good time. Whilst the Taliones appeared less agitated than before, they all carried a steely kind of expression on their faces that was…unnerving. They clearly didn’t want to interact with these violent men at all, however for the most part they did issue a warning beforehand, not to touch them. Of course this only fueled the men’s enthusiasm for their brand of sexual assault more, which led ultimately to their being severely mutilated, if not actually dead within moments.

What we witnessed, was extraordinary. Within seconds of another violent sexual assault taking place, we heard bloodcurdling male screams coming from the cells. Our Taliones stood naked and motionless, with long silvery blood covered tendrils slowly recoiling back inside. It seems when a man enters them without consent, those tendrils wrap around their penis, or whatever they have chosen to penetrate them with, and…tear it clean off. Another variation in one case was those tendrils pulling the penis and balls as far into the body as possible, before crushing them mercilessly. The CCTV footage shows the Talione involved looking directly into the eyes of the man, almost as if she was enjoying what she was doing.

We attempted to reattach one member to the prisoner it was ripped from, but found that the tissue had died almost immediately. We believe that LT1 present in the yellowy trails left by the tendrils, has a detrimental effect on flesh, as a means of defence. Three prisoners bled out before we had chance to save them. The prisoner with the crushed genitals was rushed into surgery, and will now spend the remainder of his life pissing into a bag.

Since we know that prisoners are often rife with sexually transmitted diseases, we were quite surprised to find that testing on the Taliones post merge, show that they are now in perfect sexual health. This has a significant amount of potential, however it will take a little more time to ascertain if the symbiotic presence in their body is enough to reverse the likes of HIV and AIDS. We may have to draft extra prisoners in for that particular purpose. It won’t be difficult to encourage prisoners to come forward of their own volition if they think we might be able to cure them. However, we can and will use force if necessary.

A number of male facility staff are growing increasingly uneasy around the Taliones. Given the things they have witnessed either via CCTV or by direct observation outside our cells, they are aware of just how little power they could hold over them if they felt threatened. Given the mutations we have already witnessed, it is making male staff wonder if they are even safe to be around them. We are therefore gradually rolling back the involvement of male staff working in close proximity with the Taliones. I will not be including myself in that rollback, as I am not intimidated in the slightest.

There are studies I would like to conduct in consensual sexual relationships, but finding willing subjects is difficult. Given the recovery time a victim needs after being subjected to sexual assault, it might be some time before we are lucky enough to find a couple who are willing to let us work with them. Any sign of pressure or duress, could jeopardise our purpose. We….well I have an idea involving our Primary Case, Emma. I don’t quite know how to go about this, because there cannot be any coercion whatsoever, but she NEEDS to comply. She and Lucie have both been so helpful with our work and seem content to stay with us, but I cannot deny that they would be more useful if they would at least listen to my ideas.

CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT:

PERSONAL NOTES.

October 15th 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Transcribed).

Our informant has now gone completely dark. We don’t know if this is because something has happened to them, or because they’re too afraid to communicate with us. We are therefore considering that a dead lead.

Unfortunately, another twist in this parasitic nightmare has taken us back into hospital. I received a call from a very panicked nurse at King’s College Accident and Emergency. She said there was a male escort who came in after he’d been sexually assaulted a month ago. He’s exhibiting the same symptoms as the woman in the Primary Case, Emma. How the fuck is that even possible?

PUBLIC HEALTH NOTES.

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

October 20th 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

A rather peculiar case has emerged which if confirmed, might be the biggest mutation to date. King’s College Accident and Emergency contacted our facility with something both terrifying and astonishing. A young man, more specifically a gay male escort found his way there after he started bloating up, vomiting profusely, lactating, and displaying other symptoms similar to a pregnant woman. He arrived via ambulance in quite a severe state, mainly because he’d left it until the last possible minute to try to seek help. Hospital notes tell us that he could barely whisper because his throat was so sore from projectile vomiting, and he was so severely dehydrated that his skin looked ill fitted and droopy. He is only nineteen years old. We unofficially removed him from the hospital and brought him to our facility, where we’re keeping him under the strictest level of observation.

Since we haven’t been able to speak to him prior admission to our facility, the only information we have to go on is that he is displaying these symptoms, and that his last client raped him. As with the Primary Case, absolutely nothing shows up on any imaging we’ve taken. Samples we have drawn show no signs of foreign hormones anywhere in his endocrine system. He is currently in a medically induced coma on his side, to minimise the choking hazard from the waves of vomit that keep spewing form his mouth, which only seems to consist of watery bile. Having fitted him with an ostomy pouch, his waste tests entirely normal, aside from its perpetual liquid state. Given that we are providing him with intravenous nutrients, all we can do is wait until something significant emerges. If this is indeed a mutation of the Primary Case, he will be the first male merge subject. We will not make the mistake of removing anything from the host on this occasion, assuming he experiences merging.

PERSONAL NOTES.

October 21st 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

Further to my musing on an idea involving the Primary Case, I have brought someone into the facility for the sole purpose of getting close to her. This is significantly unethical, however it must be done. The man I have introduced into the equation is someone we suppose she will find physically and emotionally attractive. After spending time with facility mental health, her profile shows her to be quite demure and submissive, although she certainly has no issue with offering her opinions when the need arises. Her interests are very varied, some quite obscure and some mainstream, but we are aiming to pique her interest with someone who shares albeit falsely, her love of Japanese horror films, and associated lore.

Our male subject is ex military, now working in the private sector. We will bring him in under the guise of added security for the Primary Case, given that we share the facility with extremely violent criminals. He has instructions to slowly and gently get as close to her as possible, which will take time. I have neglected to give him the finer details of the situation, since it’s on a need to know basis. He does not need to know this could prove to be fatal to him if this plan should fail. Physically he is a good deal taller than her. He stands at 189cms as opposed to her tiny 152cms. His military training afforded him the typical well built and toned physique, and aesthetically, he is very well polished with dark hair and a square jaw that I am told women find very attractive. This might seem like a section in a romance novel, however this needs to be convincing. He is a very calm and confident fellow who carries himself well, has no need to raise his voice to be heard, and seems like an ideal candidate to hopefully make this work. Whilst he knows he has to work under pretence to get close to her, he is not in any way malicious, and only believes he has to get her to confide in him. I am…hoping they will couple of their own accord. This will take a certain degree of encouragement and manipulation on my part, but it is entirely necessary.

What needs to be done before that, is significantly more brutal.

Since the Primary Case was operated on during the process of her merge, with the Queen…exploding all over the operating theatre, we need to make sure she fully merges. We will have to make sure she is re-impregnated. Given the presence of sexually violent men in our cells, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

PERSONAL NOTES.

October 22nd 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Transcribed).

Against orders, I went to King’s College Accident and Emergency today to request access to the young man I mentioned in my previous entry. When I arrived and asked to see him, I was told he’d been discharged. Nobody would give me any information or leads, and because I was there in an unofficial capacity, I couldn’t press for anything. They wouldn’t even give me his name. I know this means he’s been moved. Nobody even mentioned a warrant to me, which makes me think it would be futile even if I had one.

My other concern is our dead lead. I’m also aware I’m being followed, but it’s not by anyone from the Met. I’m now writing this so that if I should go quiet or worse end up missing, someone will know what I was pursuing. After seeing the footage from that facility, I can’t let this go. I have to appeal to my superiors and hope they will see sense. I don’t know where that will get me, but I have to try.

PERSONAL NOTES.

October 23rd 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Transcribed).

My appeal did not go well. I’m now suspended. Who’s fucking pocket are they in? I’m already being followed. I might as well give them something to follow me over. I need to get into that facility. I need to find the informant, find out if they’re safe, and find out what’s going on there.

PERSONAL JOURNAL.

October 30th 2017

Emma

(handwritten).

This is the first thing I’ve written since I was admitted to the secure Public Health facility. I thought I was safe here. Lucie and I have been staying here in relative comfort and security since I fell gravely ill. I know Dan is dead. In probably the most horrific manner possible given what’s happening. Nobody will tell me exactly what happened but I know it was violent. I beg Lucie not to leave my side, not that I really have to beg her. After what happened a few nights ago, she’s more determined than ever to make sure nothing else happens. We both know we have fuck all power here, now more than anything. We really thought we were safe. I’m so broken. I can’t stop crying. I was beginning to feel human again, after several cycles of therapy and the help of medication, and now? Now I’m back at square one.

A man, someone I’ve never seen before got into my room in the early hours of the morning. They promised us we’d be safe. He came in and he forced himself on me, there in the dark. I couldn’t see his face, it was too dark to see. His hands were sticky with sweat and he reeked of stale perspiration like he’d not bathed in forever. He breath was foul, and the awful, brutal things he said to me were unrepeatable. I tried to fight at first but he felt like he was gigantic, I could barely move through his onslaught. He raped me. I am a mess. How did he get in here? Who, being so physically vile and repellent would be IN here, in here with me? I lay silent for hours until daylight, it wasn’t until Lucie came in my room that she found me laid there, reeking of his horrible stench with silent tears soaking the bed-sheets. She went berserk.

I want to die. I want to leave. Both of us do, we don’t want to be here. They won’t let us leave. Dr. Milton has put extra security on my door. I’m not allowed to leave my room. Lucie can come and sit with me, but I can’t leave. The man on the door, isn’t cold or disaffected, but he still scares me. I just want to go home with Lucie.

I vomited this morning. I’m so afraid. What if it’s happening again?

PERSONAL NOTES.

October 31st 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

The attempt on the Primary Case was made last night. I already have the prisoner locked away in the lowest levels of the facility, isolated from the rest of the inmates. We aren’t going to do anything with him, we will simply let the cycle complete itself, and incinerate the remains after it takes its natural course. Why bother wasting medical resources on him? He’s outlived his usefulness. He outlived it once he landed himself in prison. They’re all vermin, absolutely no use to society whatsoever. They don’t even deserve to be called human.

Our Taliones did something…extraordinary during the small hours of the morning whilst the Primary Case was undergoing what was hopefully re-impregnation. We keep them apart in their own cells now, for safety. They rose from their beds, and stood upright, naked, staring directly at the CCTV cameras in their cells. The tendrils from their Queens protruded down from inside them, and started glowing a silvery white sheen in the dark. They opened their mouths and that same…hissing sound the larval parasites make when a woman goes through the merge, cut through the air to the point where it almost deafened the security guards watching from their stations. The sound grew in intensity and the tendrils slithered and glowed, dripping with bio-luminescent fluid that we later discovered to be loaded with LT1.

It’s almost as if they could sense what was happening, and felt the need to draw attention to it. I find myself transfixed by them, utterly in awe, but newly afraid. I was not initially afraid of them until I witnessed this phenomenon. Something else in that bio-luminescent fluid made two of the mercenaries standing outside the cell blocks crumple to the floor and cower like panic-stricken toddlers. One of them even started sobbing, and lost control of his bladder. They reported being in intense pain, and several of them vomited profusely. I replaced our own male staff with these privately hired mercenaries as I hoped they’d have a little more substance to them. Clearly I was wrong.

If this continues, I don’t know how if we will be able to contain them. If they break out of the cells, we might be in serious trouble, at least the men will be. I’ll have to draft female mercenaries in until I figure out the next move.

PERSONAL JOURNAL.

October 31st 2017

Lucie

(handwritten).

We need to get the fuck out of here. I don’t know who that man on Emma’s door is. I stay in there as long as I’m permitted to with her, sometimes I can stay in there for a whole day, and others they tell me I have to leave so they can do tests etc. I don’t know what they’re saying to her. She’s being sick again, violently sick, and it’s only been a week since that…animal violated her. How the fuck did he even get into her ROOM? Why wasn’t it on lock-down as it usually is at night?

I’ve never warmed to Dr. Milton. I’m intensely grateful that we were given a safe haven after the nightmare with Emma and what she endured, and jesusfuck that stuff with Dan was..unspeakably horrible. I don’t give one single fuck about what happened to him, he deserved it, but to get to know what happened, even the little that we know about it, how does that happen? Why can’t we go home? I have asked to see Dr. Milton several times, but he’s too busy and engrossed in research that I keep getting fobbed off. The lead nurse won’t even entertain me asking about him anymore. Everything about this is wrong. Emma is so sick, AGAIN. She’s not even trying to be a person right now, all she does is vomit, cry and stare at the floor. She’s given up. She’s completely non-verbal. She won’t eat anything. They have her hooked up to drips and gods only know what else, and she’s under observation around the clock. The man outside her room is…well. I’m not sure what he’s doing other than guarding. He keeps looking at her with a soft expression almost like he feels for her situation, he’s not like the other guards around here that seem like robots.

I asked if I could contact my parents. I was denied. We can’t use the phone, have access to any WiFi or the like. The nurses say they’ve told our families that we’re safe, but I don’t believe them for a second. We’re being kept here against our will, but given the state Emma is in, I don’t know that we should be anywhere else right now. They’re in her room prodding her again, she’s just blankly staring into space. I can’t do anything. I’m completely powerless.

PERSONAL NOTES.

November 4th 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Transcribed).

I went to The Guardian offices. I had to know exactly who the informant was on the inside, and I was clever enough about it to apply the right pressure to the journalist who came forward. I didn’t really want to do that, but I needed to figure out who the informant was. I need to know if they’re alive, and if so, what aren’t they telling me? I have a name, but getting it was a fucking nightmare. Fortunately I had an ace up my sleeve, the journo in question was notoriously at the mercy of a close personal relationship with Mr. Jack Daniels on repeated occasions, some of those occasions whilst being behind the wheel of his car. I said in no uncertain terms that if he wanted those allegations to come to fruition, that I’d be happy to oblige. All he had to do to stop me from doing that, was to give up the name of his informant, and I’d be out of his way. He dropped a name fairly quickly after that revelation, and pleaded with me to say it didn’t come from him. The last thing a journo needs is for his informants to learn he has a slack jaw.

PERSONAL JOURNAL.

November 5th 2017

Lucie

(handwritten).

Dr. Milton is not even pretending to be empathetic at this point. We were never people to him, just experiments to study. What scares me right now is if he arranged for her to be…violated to put her back into this position. We know what’s going to happen. We know she’s going to be sick again. Why? WHY would you do that to someone?

The man on the door looks as exasperated as we are.

They told me I can’t see her for a few days. I’m not allowed out of my room. I keep trying to listen through the walls but I can’t hear a fucking thing. I have to get out of here, I have to get help from someone and tell them what’s going on. We aren’t fucking animals.

PUBLIC HEALTH NOTES.

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

November 10th 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

Now that our Primary Case is once again impregnated, I can take steps to make sure her merge takes place successfully, and hopefully push she and Tom together. I’ve sequestered her friend Lucie to her own room so she can’t interfere, and Tom currently guards between both sets of quarters. Should the Primary Case fail to comply at any point, I’ll just threaten to throw Lucie in with the male prisoners, which she doesn’t know exist yet. Showing her footage of their antics with the female prisoners prior to them becoming Taliones should prove persuasive in that regard.

I am keeping the Primary Case heavily sedated whilst she goes through her internal metamorphosis. She is kept clean and cared for by the nurses, and I purposely leave the blinds in her quarters open to Tom can see her looking vulnerable. The anti-emetics in her drips mean she’s essentially a sleeping beauty waiting for him to swoon over her, or so I hope.

The young gay man we acquired is also proving a highly interesting state of affairs. His pelvic area is slightly distended, and whilst he is still in an induced coma, his body is doing some peculiar things. He is lactating colostrum with a secretion that’s not LT1, but similar in structure. It’s not a significant variance, and so we’re calling it LT1i, for now. He is no longer vomiting, but his skin…sweats a yellow watery liquid which feels hot to the touch, but leaves no trace of a burn behind. That too contains LT1i, although only a scarce amount. We can only assume that it’s similar to the slime that parasites slither around in when infesting a rapist. Assuming his situation develops in the same amount of time as it would in a woman, he should be ready to merge in approximately two weeks from now. Again, we are not sure if that will occur, but all we have to do is wait.

PERSONAL NOTES.

November 11th 2017

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

(Partially transcribed).

Ed Sexby. That’s the informant’s name. I might be suspended, but I have some of my own contacts who can get me information when red tape prevents me from getting what I need. Downside is I’m going to owe this chick big time. She got me everything, even his credit report and looking at it, he’s a fucking wreck financially. I’d rather not misuse that information, but I need to get in, and he’s likely already dead when he’s found out, and not by my hand. Harsh, but not unrealistic to surmi#\££#amp;para;£&>££$~###~##¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶

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PERSONAL JOURNAL.

November 15th 2017

Lucie

(handwritten).

The guy on the door, his name is Tom. Tom Edwards. Milton barked his name demanding assistance for someone who appears to have gotten into the facility from the outside, does this mean someone out there knows something weird is happening in here?

They weren’t gentle with her either, and Milton was ranting about someone called Saxby? Or was it Sexby, I can’t remember and I’m scribbling all this down so I have a timeline of the stuff I’m hearing. I think she’s in the room next door to me, they’ve got Tom on the opposite side of the corridor watching all three of us. His eyes are usually on Emma’s room, I can see the concern in his face from here. It’s kind of sad, I loathe the fact that he’s working for that…bastard Milton, but he’s watching over Emma in a manner that makes me think she might actually be safer from Milton with Tom around. It’s not like I can do a whole lot from here, and I’m fucking worried sick. They still won’t let me see her. There’s no need, they tell me, she’s sleeping. That doesn’t mean I don’t need to fucking see her!

I can hear crashing about and banging on the walls from the next room. I don’t think our new resident is taking kindly to her new incarceration. She hasn’t been physically hurt that I could see, but they’ve riled her up plenty. I don’t know what the fuck she is doing in there, but given the walls are pretty thick, it’s very violent.

–

The lead nurse told me I can come out of my room tomorrow, IF I stop asking about Emma and demanding to contact my family on the outside. Too fucking right I’m going to leave my room, but if they think I’m going to give up on either of those things, they’re delusional.

PERSONAL NOTES.

November 20th 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

The last few days have been difficult at best.

We are currently holding Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero in our facility. We have a leak, and it would appear she has been colluding with them in order to get in here. We don’t know how much she knows at this point, but given her pushy demands for information over the last few weeks, all of which we denied, we can only surmise that her superiors denied her requests to investigate us, which resulted in her suspension from duty. Nobody with legitimate permission would attempt to get into the facility in such a ridiculous manner. It…helps when you have the Deputy Commissioner in your pocket to manipulate the right people into keeping things going the way you’d like them to. As far as he and the rest of the force are concerned, she is using her suspension time to ‘take a much needed holiday.’

She’s going to be staying here with us for the foreseeable future. I have yet to decide what to do with Sexby, as he was their informant. He is the reason she managed to get in here. I need to know what he told them, and how long they’ve known.

Our male host is doing remarkably well. His vitals are excellent, and aside from the changes we have already noted, the only difference is a slight increase in abdominal distention, which now pulses softly. He is we hope, due in four days. Imaging shows a slight anomaly forming around the seminal vesicle, but nothing that explains the pulsing growth.

I have had to remove the male mercenaries from guarding the Taliones. It has become evident that when they are…agitated they are able to immobilise men completely. That is unsafe to say the least. We almost had a repeat incident when we found Cavallero, the Taliones could sense something was going on, even from deep inside the facility. They haven’t properly settled since Emma’s re-impregnation, mainly because they can sense that Lucie is somewhat stressed worrying about her. If I don’t get this under control soon, I fear losing grasp of the facility won’t be our only problem. The female mercenaries I have assigned to guard them seem to have a calming effect, although I don’t know how long this will last. I have considered sedating the Taliones, although I am unsure how effective this will be given their current abilities. Whilst I was previously unafraid of them, I am becoming increasingly aware that I might have been a little premature with that judgement. From now on, only our female scientists will work in close proximity with them, with remote guidance from me if necessary. Given that the Taliones are all convicted prisoners, I would not like to think what they might do given too much freedom.

What to do about Cavallero…given the noise the Taliones made when she was bring ‘processed’, means I can’t apply any kind of pressure to her. I can’t sedate her because then she’s not going to talk. Even though the hissing the Taliones made was in the bowels of the facility, male staff all the way up here reported extreme nausea, intense head pain, and some actually vomited explosively at their workstations. When they did the same thing during Emma’s re-impregnation, reports from all over the facility came in with similar reactions. Whilst this was unfortunate, it will hopefully give some indication as to the radius of effect. I myself felt rather dizzy and nauseous, however I assumed it was one of the migraines I suffer with when I work too hard and sleep too little. Given that I was several floors up from the Taliones during both incidents, I imagine we can safely keep our male crew working here provided we maintain a workable distance. A little nausea and head pain shouldn’t be enough to halt their work.

PUBLIC HEALTH REPORT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

November 26th 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

The male host survived. As hoped, he did undergo a metamorphosis which was…messy to say the least. The pulsing growth around his pelvic area started to ripple and flatten out, his body oozing copious amounts of the hot yellow secretion that we concluded was part of a cooling process. His temperature rose to 110°F, reaching far into hyperpyrexia, and yet somehow he didn’t crash. His ostomy bag swelled with thick black liquid to the point where we simply drained it into an open bucket. The stench was putrid and hung around in the air like a heavy blanket, causing several people to vomit. He remained sedated through the entire process, so it is as yet unknown how painful this metamorphosis would be in comparison to merging in female hosts.

Imaging revealed a small organism latched onto the seminal vesicle, slender tendrils spiral around and through the vesicle itself, extending down through the ejaculatory duct, and finally into the testes. Extensive testing is ongoing to ascertain what its purpose is. We have theories, but it would be premature to speculate. Given that there are plenty of highly violent male prisoners being held here, I imagine it will be quite easy to recreate this instance several times over, especially since some of them have a fondness for other men.

I may have a use for Sexby after all.

PERSONAL JOURNAL

November 30th 2017

Lucie

(Handwritten).

The lead nurse let me see Emma today, under the watchful eye of Tom. She looks so frail but her belly is huge. God I despite Milton for doing this to her. She didn’t deserve this, nobody does.

The woman in the next room, I saw her briefly this morning. She was ranting at Dr. Milton, and he was doing his best to keep her calm, but it wasn’t working very well. I think she’s a police officer, from the language she was using and the way she talked about her chief, it seems like she shouldn’t be in here, but she found her way in all the same. I don’t know if it was the volume of her voice, but several of the men around her started to wince and clutch their heads, one of them even gagged like he was about to vomit. It was all very strange. Tom looked a little green around the gills too, but he managed to maintain his composure.

–

I don’t trust what’s going on. They’re letting me bunk up with the woman, her name is Valentina Cavallero. I was right, she’s a police officer, CID in fact. I don’t like this. The nurses and Dr. Milton have gone from being militant and cold to being relaxed and open again. I can see Emma whenever I want as long as Tom is there. They’re buttering us up and I don’t know why. Valentina is as suspicious as I am and is reluctant to talk to me in any detail, and I don’t blame her. She’s constantly agitated. Ohgod I can hear screaming from Emma’s room, it’s not her, it’s one of the nurses..

PUBLIC HEALTH REPORT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

November 30th 2017

Dr. John Milton

(Transcribed).

The Primary Case subject Emma, has successfully merged. Even sedated, it was a disgusting affair to behold. One of the newer nurses couldn’t cope, and started screaming the moment black slime started spewing out of her. Granted, the stench is quite overpowering, but there are worse things to deal with in here. Oddly, Emma actually came out of sedation after her merge completed, which we were not expecting, but she has an eerie sense of calm about her, and she looks…different.

Her eyes are now yellow much like the secretions we have seen from various hosts. Her limbal ring is an intense magenta colour, whilst the whites of her eyes are quite brilliant and seem to lack any visible capillaries. Her hair and skin have a kind of sheen to them, which intensifies when she feels threatened. We haven’t seen this on (transcription incomplete)

PUBLIC HEALTH REPORT:

INTERNAL EYES ONLY.

LEAD NURSE

DECEMBER 1ST 2017

(Recorded).

We are in chaos. Dr. Milton underestimated the capability of the Taliones. Emma, the Primary Case is some kind of Matriarch, the others in the basement stirred wildly when she was fully recovered. Valentina and Lucie, started screaming at Dr. Milton, and it set Emma’s Queen off. Ohgod, the noise. It doesn’t have any effect on women aside from our hearing it, but the men? ALL of the men dropped to their knees and were incapacitated. They were bleeding from their eyes and ears, some deafened with burst ear drums, and blind with pain. Emma dragged Dr. Milton off with Valentina and Lucie in tow, further down into the facility.

She’s letting the others out.

Dr. John Milton

December 1st 2017

(Smartphone audio).

I am locked in a containment cell in the basement. Emma, clearly the Matriarch has…released the Taliones from holding. I can hear screaming from the male prisoners, I…don’t think they’re going to survive. They all followed her immediately, like they knew she was The First, even though she lost her initial Queen. I don’t know what they’re going to do with me. My head hurts, so much. It’s pressurised and I can feel it throbbing all the way into my throat. My eyesight is heavily blurred. Before they left me here, Emma’s tendrils protruded and left some of that same glowing secretion behind on my neck. I cannot stand up because my legs are like lead, and trying to move makes me vomit. I am essentially immobilised.

Emma

December 1st 2017

(Smartphone audio).

All the men in the facility are either incapacitated, or dead, barring Dr. Milton, Tom, and the newly merged man I need to locate. Tom, even when temporarily incapacitated, was helpful once recovered. The Taliones are safe and comfortable in the main staff suites at the facility. Lucie and Valentina are anxious but eager for us to leave, but we can’t. Not yet. The female staff are bewildered and concerned about the men who are still alive, but we mean them no harm; if anyone is to blame for this situation, it is Dr. Milton who is currently spending some time in a cell in the lower levels. He used prisoners to experiment on like they were disposable. He is truly VILE.

I am sending Tom downstairs to attend to Dr. Milton, with strict instructions to provide food and water, but not to talk to him. The female mercenaries from the basement are now up here with us. Dr. Milton can’t escape his cell, as I have the remote lock-down code, and nobody else is down there for him to manipulate. I need him alive.

I have this craving to protect the others, but something specifically about Valentina and Lucie is twisting me around inside. It’s not painful, it’s more a need to be close to them. Whenever I am within five feet of either one, my tendrils stir inside me, like I need to do something. I can’t seem to settle.

Something weird is going on with my hands. There are two small growths in the palms of each hand. They’re not painful, but a small opening almost like a lip is forming, and it’s leaking the same glowing liquid like the tendrils of my Queen. They itch when I get close to the other women. The Taliones don’t seem to have them yet. Is it just me? I should be afraid, but I’m not. I haven’t felt this secure in a long time. They have the same yellow eyes at I do, but only I have the magenta ring.

Dr. John Milton

December 2nd 2017

(Smartphone audio).

Tom came down to me with food and water, but despite my attempts to talk to him, he wouldn’t speak. He shot me a look of pure disgust, and walked away. If they’re feeding me, they must need me for something, there’s no point in feeding someone you don’t want alive.

I am exhausted. Whatever Emma left on my neck isn’t weakening, and as much as I need to eat, I cannot stomach the food I was left with. I can manage water, but I cannot e..(broken audio)

Detective Chief Inspector Valentina Cavallero

December 2nd 2017

(Smartphone audio).

The Taliones are amazing. The female mercenaries that were guarding them were given permission to leave, however they all declined, and wanted to remain with us at the facility. The previously incapacitated men have been dealt with by the nurses onsite, and Emma had Tom drag Milton back up here to keep in a secure room. He needs to tend to Jack, the poor male sexworker who was horribly sexually assaulted. He’s only nineteen years old, and gods only know how many more like him are out there, lost and alone. I..(sound of phone clattering down to the floor with muffled voices)

Emma

December 4th 2017

(Transcribed).

Lucie and Valentina are in some kind of torpor, or that’s what Milton called it, god I hate having to keep him around the fucking horrible bastard. Tom watches him like a hawk. It’s been three days since anyone in the facility had contact with the outside world. I forbade Milton or any of the staff from contacting anyone until I figure out what to do with my Taliones.

When I touched Valentina to get her attention whilst she was dictating something into her phone, one of the growths from my hand shot out a fine tendril that quickly wrapped itself around her wrist, burrowing through the skin on her palm. It was so fast, I don’t know if it was painless. She collapsed to the floor and has been out cold ever since. Lucie came running and before I told her to stay away, she reached for me and the same thing happened. I couldn’t stop it.

The Taliones gathered around me and softly told me not to worry. They held out their hands and showed me they have the same tiny little lips forming in their palms. They said it’s okay. They say we can fix things now. What do they mean fix things?

Jack came out and told me the same. It’s the first time he’s spoken since he stabilised. He’s so quiet and gentle, I don’t know if he was that way before. He’s got the same growth, but only on one palm. Milton referred to his symbiotic organism as a consort, because it’s much smaller than our Queens.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Tom came to tell me that fucker Milton somehow got a message outside. They’re coming for us. The country is in crisis, and they’re coming for us.

Jack

December 5th 2017.

(Smartphone audio).

Our Queen is giving Milton to my sisters..

They’re closing in on him now, all of them with their tendrils glowing and that beautiful hissing they make, I thought it would hurt but it doesn’t. Not now I have my little friend inside me. I feel so much better. They’ve gotten to him and they’re shredding his clothes, and now they’re clawing and ripping him away in great bloody chunks of flesh and sinew. His innards are fatter than I thought they’d be, how did they all fit inside him? His skin tears like wet tissue paper, and his screaming has gone from high pitched bloodcurdling, breathless shrieking to wet gurgling and…oh..

He’s dead now. They de-fleshed him in less than five minutes. I can see his broken and mangled bones glistening in the harsh light. I think I would have been sick before. Not now, not now. Everything is good now.