Wednesday, 7 December 2011

I'm here to remind you of the mess you made when you went away...

Love Alanis Morrisette proper legend!I wish I could say this was going to be a happy blog, and if I'd written yesterday, when I couldn't control my smile then yeah perhaps it would have been. It ain't yesterday though its today and apparently within 24 hours your life can go from looking pretty good to hell!

So lets start with some positive things... at least one positive thing at least! Got me test reults and ... I DO NOT HAVE HEPITIUS B WHOOOOOOOP WHOOOOOOOOP!!!

Thats your lot.So you want to know whats happened?Well I'll tell you the Princes Trust course is a fucking joke!!!The teachers are a joke!The college is a joke!The course is a joke!And the best bit is that I'm a joke too!

According to Raquel and Charlotte I have no respect for any one on the course!!!!! I'm truly speecheless!! Please define respect for me? Yes maybe I did moan about playing games that 5 year olds play WHEN I HAVE FUCKING SHIT LOADS OF FUCKING LEVEL 2 WORK TO DO THAT I'VE HAD TO ATTEMPT IN 3 WEEKS BECAUSE DESPITE THE FACT THAT I'VE BEEN ASKING TO DO LEVEL 2 SINCE DAY ONE AND EVERY DAY THEN ON IN, RAQUEL DIDN'T GIVE ME THE CRITERIA TILL 3 WEEKS BEFORE THE FUCKIGN END OF THE FUCKING COURSE! PLEASE TELL ME WAS IT NOT ME WHO STAYED LATE EVERY DAY TO ATTEMPT TO DO IT WHEN RAQUEL WAS MEANT TO BE GIVING ME TIME IN CLASS TO DO IT!!!!!!!! IS IT NOT CHRIS WHO GIVES UP HIS SPARE TIME TO HELP ME COMPLETE IT WHEN HE DOESN'T EVEN TEACH THE FUCKING STUPID COURSE!IS IT NOT ME WHO STAYS UP TILL 2AM BAKING CAKES FOR THE TEAM AND FOR THE STUPID TEAM CHALLANGE THAT I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE 1ST FUCKING PLACE BUT CLEARLY NO ONE RESPECTS ME BY THE FACT THAT TEHY DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO THE FACT THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO WORK WITH CHILDREN AND HAVE NO IDEA STILL WHY BECAUSE THEY NEVER FUCKING ASKED!IS IT NOT ME WHO SWAM 70 LEGTHS TO TRY AND RAISE MONEY. IS IT NOT ME WHO GOES OUT OF ME WAY IN AND OUT OF COLLEGE TO HELP OTHER TEAM MEMBERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RESPECT MATE DON'T EVEN FUCKING GO THERE!UNLIKE ALL OF THE SO CALLED BRILLIANT TEACHERS I LEAVE ALL MY SHIT HERE AND ARINA BRINGING UP DIVORCE WHICH CAN I JUST ADD IS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR FUCKING CORSE ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DO NOT CHAT SHIT ABOUT SOMETHING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT! YEAH MY PARENTS ARE DIVORCED AND I'LL ALWAYS BLAME MESELF BEING THE LAST CHILD AN ALL AND DESPITE WHAT PEOPLE SAY NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT BUT DO NOT FUCKING BRING UP 3 WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS STUPID FUCKING CUNT!LITTLE GIRLS MAKING UP LIES ITS PATHETIC!ONE SMALL INCCINENT AND I KNOW LETS CALL THE FILTH TOO SHALL WE WHILST WE'RE AT IT, GET THEIR INPUT!DON'T GIVE ME YOUR BULLSHIT LIES AND EXSCUSES BECAUSE I'VE BEEN IN SITUATIONS WHERE I GENRALLY DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING TO MAKE IT OUT IT OUT ALIVE, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE I'VE BEEN IN THE FUCKING WOODS AND BEEN SO SCARED YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BREATH, WHERE SOMEONE STANDS THERE AND FORCES YOU TO KISS THEM AND YOUR TRYING TO GET AWAY BUT YOUR WHOLE BODIES PARALYSED WITH FEAR! I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE SOMEONES TRIED TO RAPE ME, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE I'VE HAD TO SLEEP WITH MEN FOR MONEY JUST SO I DON'T END UP ON THE STREETS, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE SOMEONE HITS YOU AND THEN SOMEHOW YOU END UP BEING THE ONE THATS APPOLIGISING, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE THINGS ARE SO FUCKING UGLY THAT DEATH ACTUALLY SEEMS LIKE TOTAL BLISS, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE I KNOW THAT MY DAD HAS THE CHOICE TO BE IN MY LIFE AND ISN'T! I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT FOR EVER!I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT NO MATTER HOW FUCKING HARD YOU TRY NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!ON TOP OF THAT I HAVE TO SPEND MY LIFE LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER INCASE THERE'S SOMEONE BEHIND ME WHO WANTS TO STAB ME BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID MISTAKE I MADE ONCE!I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY TRY AND STAY SOBER, WHICH I SHOULD PROBABALLY POINT OUT THAT RIGHT NOW I AM NOT, AND UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES I THINK THATS EVER SO SLIGHTLY JUSTIFIABLE.I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT I HAVE GOT BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND BECAUSE OF THAT AND ALL THE SHIT I'VE BEEN THROUGH I'LL PROBABLLY NEVER BE WITH A GUY FOR LONGER THAN 6 MONTHS SO I'M SO FUCKING SORRY IF RIGHT NOW I SAY SOMETHING OUT OF TURN LIKE FUCK OFF YOU STUPID CUNT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT RESPECT MEANS!THE COURSE IS A JOKE AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS NOW I'M WELL AND TRULY PAST MY LIMITS AND I AIN'T GOING BACK!I TELL YOU SOME THING LITTLE MISS PATRONISING I WALKED DOWN TO THE MARINA TO GET THE 12 TO ME SISTERS EARLIER AND I LOOKED OVER THE BRIDGE AT THE MARINA WALL AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF CAN I JUST JUMP UP OFF NOW BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!SO YOU WANT TO CALL SOME ONE A BULLY LOOK IN THE MIRROR DARLING!SO NOW I WON'T EVEN GET CHRIS (MR LOVER LOVER) CUZ I'VE QUIT COLLEGE AND FUCK IT WHAT WOULD HE WANT WITH ME ANY WAY I'M JUST A STUPID FUCKED UP BIMBO.NUFF SAID !SORRY FOR THE BLUNTNESS BUT I'M DRUNK AND CRAZY!