20s vs. 30s: What's the right age to get hitched?

What’s the perfect age to get married? A recent study by Texas University says that getting married in your mid to late twenties is ideal and produces the “highest quality unions.”

When I first read about this study I was immediately skeptical. Thinking back to what life was like in my mid-twenties, I can’t imagine marriage being a good idea. In fact, after seeing many of my friends get married in their twenties, only to get divorced and remarried to partners which they are much more compatible with in their 30s, I’d argue that getting hitched later in life comes with its share of advantages.

To gain some insight, I turned to Iona Monk, a registered clinical counsellor and founder of Vancouver Couples Counselling. As Monk is careful to point out “there are definite advantages to marrying in your 30s” and beyond.

1. We know ourselves better

As Monk points out, “We tend to know ourselves better as we age, which allows us to create more congruent and satisfying partnerships.” Although the study above cites “growing up together” as one of the advantages of marrying younger, I’m looking forward to marrying someone who already is “grown up.”

Now that I’m in my 30s, I have a much clearer idea of who I am, where I am going and what makes me happy. I’ve also had ample time to sow my wild oats – which, as Monk points out, is beneficial: “We tend to move away from partying in our 30s and much of our need for experimentation and exploration has been satisfied, which can lead to a more peaceful union.”

2. You’re more likely to marry someone who has relationship experience

According to the Texas University study, one of the benefits of marrying in your 20s is that you’re less likely to marry someone who has been married before. I’d argue that this isn’t necessarily an advantage. Yes, divorce can make life more complicated – especially if there are children involved. Just because you’ve been married before doesn’t mean you’re damaged goods. We need to let go of the stigma attached to divorce. Our past relationships teach us about ourselves and others. I’d much rather date someone who has been through a bad relationship (and learned a few things along the way) than no relationship at all.

3. You’re more settled

As Monk explains, in your 30s “your career is established, so financially you would have more resources, which typically eases stress on a relationship. You might be more settled and confident within yourself.” It also means that when you do get hitched, your days of wildly mismatched dishes and sleeping on a lumpy futon will likely be behind you. Just saying.

4. You have a much better idea of what you want and need in the bedroom

Researchers at Texas University concluded that when you marry in your 20s you have more sex, which leads to greater marital happiness. While a satisfying sex life is an important part of a happy relationship, I’m a firm believer in “quality over quantity.” The sex I’m having in my 30s is much more satisfying than it was in my 20s because I’m more confident and in touch with my needs – and I know I’m not the only one. When I do tie the knot, I’m confident that it will be with someone that I’m sexually compatible with.

However, at the end of the day, it all comes down to the individuals involved. As Monk concludes, “I think that a major deciding factor as to whether we can be a good functioning partner in a relationship is the degree to which we are free from unfinished business and conflict from our family of origin and how healthy we are psychologically in general. I have seen healthy successful couples in their 20s and dysfunctional couples in their 30s and 40s.”