THE TRUTH ABOUT MIDGETS, WHAT PC CULTURE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW

The Truth About Midgets, What PC Culture Doesn’t Want You to Know

PC culture doesn’t want you to know the truth about midgets, but here it is.

It’s gotten to the point where midget is considered a derogatory term. They want us to call them little people. I don’t think that’s right. Little people cannot be an official term. It’s a vague adjective describing people. Babies are little people, gymnasts are little people. You’re a midget.

I love midgets. They’re awesome, and very similar to regular people.

Homo Sapiens and Homo Minimus have lived together peacefully for thousands of years, ever since they defeated their captive dragons, and tunneled north to live amongst us on the surface. They’re a breathtaking, industrious species. I’ve seen them star in movies, kick themselves in the head, even do backflips. The minimus have certainly earned their place on the hierarchy of homos.

But here is the thing; it’s funny. Midgets are funny. There, I said it. Let me explain.

All homos share one common subcategorization, that of being massive assholes. The species that rapes, pillages, steals, kills, and then winds down by making fun of our flaws. Insults are best served directly to the individual who is most representative of the flaw, so that you may witness his chagrin and take it in.

Hence, obvious deformities are low hanging fruit. The Minimus is equipped with many evolutionary advantages, including the ability to elicit laughter via mere appearance. This builds camaraderie by inviting ribbing, as midgets range in height from 14 to 18 inches tall. No one wails when a vertically challenged adult male takes a little heat, so what kind of backward logic is it to expect that Mr. One-Foot-Six doesn’t get some chuckles thrown in his direction?

It’s actually called bigotry because it is rooted in disdain for littles. Fun fact.

Let us honor the plight of the Minimus by having a knee, and listening to their national anthem. It is actually considered disrespectful to stand for the Midget Anthem. In fact, Colonius Kapernicus, star quarterback (quarter midget) for the Midget Football League (The MFL) lost his job after standing for the anthem in protest. His stance was simple, as a dark skinned little person, he felt that the midget police, also known as piglets, were out of control and lacked accountability in regards to their treatment of other dark skinned littles in particular.

Kapernicus donated money and time to sympathetic causes, and like most littles, he did what he thought was right. Although Kapernicus succeeded in drawing attention to the issue, there was also a public backlash against the nature of the protest act itself.

As a people, the midgets have a lot to be proud of. They’re a patriotic nation. They weren’t happy to see their sacred flag and nation disrespected. It could be argued that it was the stagnation of Colonius as a player that lead to his departure from the league, but it is no long shot to suggest that his protests were his exit catalyst. Without taking positions,

I can stand in solidarity with both sides.

To Colonius Kapernicus, for being willing to rock the boat, and midget enough to accept the effect of the waves. And to the little people, for holding true to their values. Patriotism is bigger than any one little person. Plus, we need reasons to fight and bicker with each other. It’s how we find our common ground.