Possessiveness is the epitome example of “good intention, wrong method.”

Possessiveness in the right amount is healthy in any relationship irrelevant of what the relation is, (romantic, friendship, family, pet etc.) this shows that the possessor cares and honestly is afraid of losing of what is possessed. Psychologically, a possessive quality is a survival mechanism – it goes back to our primitive stage where our basic needs weren’t easily accessible, so when a person found something worth having, it was held firmly.

If the other party of your relation is a little jealous and possessive but doesn’t restrain you; that is fine and is completely normal, obviously you’re that important to them. What is vital is how the party deals with their possessive streak. Some may use their fear of losing their beloved into trying to become a better person, be more responsive, nurturing and selfless for their person, normally their jealousy is a good drive and motivation for that.

But some don’t respond this way, the positive way in order to keep what’s theirs. Possessiveness can be ugly if blown out of proportion and it is the other party that suffers the most.

Here’s what they don’t tell you about possessive people in relationships:

It’s a deep rooted insecurity that people just don’t feel good enough for anyone to be in their life, they have lost people, lost their trust in people and unfortunately have been excruciatingly hurt – so what is their first instinct when someone good comes into their life? Hold on to that person tightly. It’s the absolute fear that the other party will find someone better, someone who understands them more, more in common with, has a stronger connection with and so on. This tips the possessor over the edge, the rope becomes tighter.

Restrictions are set in place, the other party must comply with every demand the possessor orders, and they may not have permission to go out, if they do, it must be with each other, or the other party will be interrogated about every detail of the event, venue and participants. Possessive people don’t trust others in good fit; can anyone tell me:

When and where is there any sort of relationship without mutual trust?

Every picture has to be with each other, every good deed has to go towards the possessor, whilst all the blame goes towards the possessed. The possessor will mold the other party to what they want; from change of clothing, because the old style attracted attention, to changing hobbies, because their old activities wasted time when they should have spent time together. Independence and individuality disappears into thin air. It gets worse irrelevant if there’s resistance or compliance, soon the possessor is desperate for every minute surrounding them, there’s a deficit of friends and even if the other party still interacts with their friends, the possessor has manipulated their partner’s mind into feeling guilty almost as an involuntary reflex.

The sickening part is when the other party gives in to their mind games. The possessor’s greatest technique for making their person stay with them is to make them believe they are unworthy. The irony is that the possessor never felt good enough so they project that same feeling on to the other. They remind them that nobody else will treat them as great as they do as if to say they are doing their possession a favour. Not only will the possessor make them feel unworthy for anyone else but unworthy to their partner. Psychology has proven that humans strive for approval the most from people who do not provide admiration frequently to any at all.

Do you still wonder why people stay in possessive relationships?

Purely out of the challenge to prove their possessor of merit. But what if no applause is ever given? The other party now has doubts and insecurities that grow with each disappointment, questioned intention and abusive word. The ideaology of not finding anyone better manifests thus losing their possessor becomes their fear, soon a vicious cycle of suffocating possession over one another begins.