Whoa. Hold up, honey. You’re under arrest. You’ve committed the crime of looking seriously frumpy on Halloween. We are going to need to see some documentation that this isn’t how you dress on a daily basis; you’re coming from the gym today, right?

Now, the old regimen would have put you in the slammer for months for this atrocity to the general public! Look at those sweatpants and raggedy old T-shirt. But lucky for you, there is a new sheriff in town...and he’s kinda lazy, so we’ll let you off easy. Of course, if you’d just worn this sexy California sheriff costume, we wouldn’t be here, now would we?

There, that’s better! Wow. What a difference! Can’t you feel the way this short, ruffled tan dress drastically improves your confidence? And how about that belt? Liking the way it’s hugging your hips? What about that sassy cop hat? Every day in that thing is a good hair day. In fact, you actually look so great and authoritative now that we’d like you to join our ranks. As we said, the sheriff is pretty lazy, and we could use someone to pick up the extra slack. And now that you’ve seen what this great costume did for you, you can help up with routine fashion stops and encourage violators to add fishnet tights, sexy boots, a badge, aviator sunglasses, and a toy baton and handcuffs. It’s everyone right to feel this good.