$show=home

Arguing with Myself: Who will take Best Picture?

By Jake Howell TGK Correspondent On Tuesday, Jan. 25, at 5:38 a.m., the Academy announced its list of nominees for the 83rd Academy Award...

By Jake HowellTGK Correspondent

On Tuesday, Jan. 25, at 5:38 a.m., the Academy announced its list of nominees for the 83rd Academy Awards. At 5:39 a.m., the online and press film community erupted in argumentative babble as to which film came out the frontrunner. Was it “The King’s Speech,” which, with 12 nominations, garnered the most love from the Academy? Was it “True Grit,” which came out close to the top with 10 nominations? Or was it “The Social Network,” the film everyone expected to sweep the Academy off it’s feet, but surprisingly only got 8 nominations?

It’s hard to tell at this point which film will leave the ceremony with the honor of “best film of the year,” but that certainly won’t stop me from haplessly second-guessing myself as to which film the Academy will bestow said dubious title.

Reader discretion advised…

'Black Swan'WHY IT WILL WIN: Natalie Portman’s performance is being hailed as the best of her career, and she’s easily the favorite to win Best Actress. If the Academy can look past the film’s touchy content and subject material, “Black Swan” has an excellent chance at Best Picture.

WHY IT WON’T WIN: Oh my f*cking Jesus! Did you see what that girl just did?! Somebody get her a crucifix or something! Repent, devil-woman! The power of Christ compels you!

'The King’s Speech'WHY IT WILL WIN: With 12 nominations, “The King’s Speech” has the most nominations of any film. It recently won Best Picture at the BAFTAs and Tom Hooper won Best Director from the Directors’ Guild of America, making it the clear frontrunner in many people’s eyes, including respected film writer Sasha Stone of Awards Daily. This is the period piece the Academy has been waiting to give their little gold man to since “Shakespeare In Love.”

WHY IT WON’T WIN: Jake, you ignorant slut. The Academy doesn’t wanna give Best Picture to another boring old period piece. It’s tired of the old guard! It wants more Eisenbergs and Francos, not Firths and Rushs. And by the way, what was with Colin Firth’s performance? He st-st-stuttered through the whole movie. Learn your lines, a--hole!

'The Social Network'WHY IT WILL WIN: Why will it win? Do you even need to ask that question? It’s already got 27 Best Picture trophies under its belt. David Fincher’s magnum opus was easily the most acclaimed film of the year by critics and fans alike, and it’s not often a movie comes along that gets people talking like this one did. Plus, did I mention it’s already won other Best Picture awards 27 times?

WHY IT WON’T WIN: Yeah, you did. And that’s why it’ll lose. Everyone is already sick of hearing about Aaron Sorkin’s “brilliant” screenplay and David Fincher’s “flawless” direction and Justin Timberlake’s “dreamy” eyes (just me?), and that includes the Academy. Who, by the way, are all, like, a billion years old, meaning they all have “old people disease” and will clearly ignore the great aspects of the film and dismiss it as that “Facebook” movie.

'Toy Story 3'WHY IT WILL WIN: We’ve waited a long time for this, and last year, with the Academy’s decision to extend the Best Picture playing field to 10 movies, a Pixar movie finally got a Best Picture nomination. “Toy Story 3,” the third and probably final entry in the long-running franchise, is the best, most heartfelt animated movie in years, and the Academy will recognize it as such and give it top honors at the Oscars this year. Come on, admit it. You cried at the end.

WHY IT WON’T WIN: OK, you got me. I teared up a bit. But that doesn’t change the fact that an animated movie winning Best Picture is about as likely as Sarah Palin being elected president. America is just not ready for a gun-toting, mentally-handicapped hockey mom to be an Oscar winner! Ignoring the fact that I don’t know how to use metaphors, the Academy likes movies with real people, not computer-generated toys.

'True Grit'WHY IT WILL WIN: The Coens won their first Best Picture statuette with 2007’s “No Country For Old Men,” and you can be rest assured that they will win it again, and probably very soon. Why not give it to them with “True Grit,” their most crowd-pleasing film to date? The Academy loves westerns, and it’s been since “Unforgiven” in 1992 when one won Best Picture.

WHY IT WON’T WIN: You’re right, the Coens won in 2007, which means not enough time has passed for them to win again. The Academy loves newcomers, like Tom Hooper and David Fincher. There’s no way the Coens will take it again.

'Winter’s Bone'WHY IT WILL WIN: Just like how every Pixar movie that gets made from here on out will get a Best Picture nomination, every year we’ll probably get some indie darling that did really well on the festival circuit in the Best Picture race. “Winter’s Bone," which many people declared the best movie of the year way too early in the year, really is a great movie. Plus, that nomination for John Hawkes means the Academy is on to something.

WHY IT WON’T WIN: “Winter’s Bone?” Is that that porn I watched online the other day right before I cried myself to sleep? Yeah, that’ll never win. Too much sex. Plus the acting was really bad.