Despite having been summoned to the Foreign Office twice before in the last two years, the Spanish Ambassador to the UK, His Excellency Federico Trillo, has admitted he was caught ‘totally off-guard’ when summoned again on Tuesday.

“He was busy in the kitchen when I told him,” said Trillo’s aide. “He was so surprised, he nearly choked on his paella. It makes no difference who you are or how many times you’ve been summoned before, nobody expects the Foreign Office Inquisition.”

Trillo was made to sit in a comfy chair in the Foreign Office while acting permanent under-secretary Matthew Rycroft grilled him. “Who authorised the Spanish vessel Romon Margalef to try to enter Gibraltar Harbour? Why are there so many delays at the Spanish border? And what’s going on here with all these bits of prawn on your chin?”

“I know nothing,” replied the Ambassador, “I am from Barcelona.”

The meeting ended abruptly when an army staff sergeant entered the room. “Stop this now,” he commanded, “it’s getting completely silly.”

Back in the relative safety of the Spanish Embassy, Trillo spoke of the ‘cake or death’ situation he’d found himself in. “I was totally confused,” he said, “I felt like a bloke in a dress staying in a Torquay hotel and caught up in a reunion of loonies.” He says he’ll be putting in a complaint to the UN about his treatment. “When we were doing inquisitions, we did at least have the courtesy to write and give people thirty days notice.”