Good Morning, !
Sunday, May 27, 2007
======================================
Forgiveness does not change the past,
but it does enlarge the future.
--- Paul Boese
Imagination is the highest kite one can fly.
--- Lauren Bacall
=======================================
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant;
first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because
he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and
forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second
customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have
an air conditioner."
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
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Our priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also
a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass
scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed. It was
not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the
aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask
the sex of the deceased. This was information that he would need
for his remarks during the service.
As he approached the first pew where the deceased's relatives
were seated he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one
woman, "Brother or sister?"
"Cousin," she replied.
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Michael Antonucci, 58 of Plymouth, England
Easy Come, Easy Go
May 12, 2007 - Plymouth, Devon, UK - Daily Mirror
A lottery winner has spent his £2.8million ($ 5.5million)
fortune and gone back to the job he quit when he won the
jackpot 12 years ago.
Michael Antonucci, 58, became one of Britain's first lotto
winners after borrowing a tenner from his mum to buy tickets.
He spent the cash on a boat, a nightclub, luxury properties,
dabbling in different businesses and a 12 week marriage
to a topless model.
But now Michael's back at his old trade - buying junk
furniture and exporting it to the United States from a
lock-up in Plymouth, reports the Daily Mirror.
He said: "It was an experience I would never have had if I
had not won the lottery.
He spent £750,000 on a former convent, £300,000 opening a
furniture store which failed, £40,000 on launching a pop band,
and also tried running a pub and a massage parlour.
His wedding to glamour girl Kelly Arkins, 22, on a beach in
the Bahamas, cost £10,000.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new
stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in
another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the
stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat,
shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the
days route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew
which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering
what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said
she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked,
"Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here,
"she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has
a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb!"
===========================================

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===========================================
Thanks to Linda for this story:
As the owner of a clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety
of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had
filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid
pouring out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home
before the car was once again out of action.
When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the problem.
Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. When he
came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said.
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carlie
Re: Screen Savers
Dear Webby
I got all kinds of mail telling me that I need to buy a screen
saver to protect my monitor. Is there any truth to that?
Carlie
Dear Carlie
It's true that you need a screen saver, but totally untrue
that you need to buy one. There are a bunch of them
included with Windows and you can use any of them for free.
You can also make your own for free.
Right-click on the desktop, select Properties, Screensaver
select My Pictures. Then it will use the pictures that you have
in your "My Pictures" folder.
Depending on who might see your screen saver, discretion
is advised regarding to what kind of pictures you got in
that folder. The picture of your boss getting arrested after
the Christmas party might be hilarious, but it will probably
be considered undiplomatic, if it shows up while you are
out to lunch. Aside from those considerations, any pictures
will work.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 13, 2007 - Ottawa, Ontario, Canada - CNews
Most people raise money for their charity of choice by doing
a walkathon or canvassing door-to-door.
Not Roy Berger.
The 41-year-old Ottawa man shattered a world record yesterday
by completing 1,009 fist push-ups in 16 minutes and 57 seconds.
The special education teacher's efforts were to help raise
money for Christie Lake Camp, a summer camp for
underprivileged children.
In front of a crowd of about 100 at the Westgate Shopping
Centre's food court, the tall, lean man with a shaved head
and tattoos bobbed up and down in 30-push-up intervals
before smashing the record.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comPacking Peanuts For House Plants
Use packing peanuts to create a drainage layer in the bottom
of your planter. This is wonderful for large planters because
it helps keep them lighter. Make sure to use styrofoam peanuts
because biodegradable peanuts will decompose.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Since this is their first party and the wife hasn't done much
cooking, the husband suggests they order out for Chinese
food and she could bake a cake for dessert. She agrees,
but on Friday afternoon, the wife calls her husband in tears.
"The only recipe I can find is for a cake that will feed four,"
she says.
"Why don't you just double the recipe?" her husband asks.
Just before quitting time the husband gets another call
from her, and this time she is frantic.
"I just can't do it," she says. "It's impossible."
"Now, now, what's the matter?"
"Well, I doubled everything, just like you said," she tells
him, "and it's ready to go in the oven."
"Then what's the problem?" he asks.
The wife sobs. "The book says that the cake must be
baked at 350 degrees. I've checked the oven and it doesn't
go up to 700 degrees!"
=============================================

========================================
I'm also a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for
visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a
condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it
difficult for them to distinguish facial features.
I had just been assigned to a new group and was
introducing myself.
Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see
me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't
see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between
Paul Newman and Robert Redford."
Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"
========================================

========================================
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Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Saturday, May 26, 2007
======================================
The game of life is the game of boomerangs.
Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later,
with astounding accuracy.
--- Florence Shinn
=======================================
Three guys were standing around talking about dying when
one asked, "What would you like people to say about you as
they come to pay their last respects?"
The second man said, "I hope they say I was a respected
doctor in my field, a good family man, and had lots of friends."
The third man said, "I hope they say I was a well spoken
attorney, helped my fellow man, good citizen, and played a
mean round of golf."
The first man said, "That's probably what will be said of the
two of you. My hope is that when they look down in my coffin,
they say, "Look...he's moving"!
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time
to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion
shouts back..."Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Kristina Andreeva, 23 and Ivan Filin, 48 of Sofia,
Bulgaria
Not fit to drive
May 12, 2007 - Sofia, Bulgaria - Ananova
A driving student lost her license three hours after passing
her test after going for a drink with her instructor to celebrate.
Police in the Bulgarian capital Sofia pulled over Kristina
Andreeva, 23, for erratic driving and a breath test found
both she and instructor Ivan Filin, 48, were three times
over the limit.
Andreeva said: "I had promised to buy him a drink if I got
my license and we went to a cafe, had a couple of wines
and then offered to drive him home. I was so happy I just
didn't think about the drink drive rules."
Police said they had also stripped Filin of his driving license
and his business license as a driving instructor for
encouraging drink-driving.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German
scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters.
After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany
announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a
nationwide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed.
The British ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper.
At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered small pieces of glass.
Soon the British announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years
ago already had a nationwide fiber net.
Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and 200
meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. The Israelis
concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had
cellular telephones.
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
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A man and his wife went to a psychiatrist to see if they
could gain some relief for the man's belief that he was a
refrigerator. After meeting with the husband, the psychiatrist
assured the wife that there was nothing about which to be
concerned. A bit perturbed the wife stated,
"But doc at night when he sleeps with his mouth open the
light keeps me awake!"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Bobbie
Re: Defrag never finishes
Dear Webby
My computer is getting really slow, so a friend suggested
that I defrag it. I tried that, but the Windows defrag never
finishes. It just keeps re-starting. What am I doing wrong?
Bobbie
Dear Bobbie
Forget the Windows defrag. It won't work for me either.
First, make sure you got about 20% of your hard drive
free.
Then get DisKeeper. It's not free, but well worth the money.
You can get a free trial version at Diskeeper
Set it to defrag automatically whenever your screensaver
comes on, then leave the machine running overnight.
By morning it will be nicely defragged and from then on
stay that way.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 12, 2007 - Albania - Ananova
A wolf captured in Albania has become best friends with a
donkey. The donkey was put in the wolf's cage as part of its
feeding programme.
But instead of hunting it down and eating it, the wolf
befriended the donkey, reports Sky News.
The two animals have since become inseparable, living
together in the cage for the last 10 days.
Curious villagers and local news reporters have been flocking
to see the unlikely couple for themselves.
The wolf was captured four months ago in the northern
Albanian mountains.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comUneven Cake Layers
Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a little bit
lopsided. Level the layer with a serrated knife. Then apply a coat of
frosting to the rough edge leftover from the cut. Let the frosting dry
before frosting the rest of the cake.
A serrated knife sounds rather barbaric to me!
Cut some leftover shelving or other wood with the same
thickness as a layer of the cake to just fit into your cake
pans and sand and varnish it nicely, because some day it
will become a heirloom. After you dump the cake, put the
wood spacer in and the cake on top of that.
Then use the edge of the cake pan as a guide to saw it
into layers with dental floss.
Remove the bottom layer and put the top layer onto the
spacer and trim the top to be precisely the same as the
bottom.
You will get the same laser smooth cut that the professionals
get (who use that same old trick).
If you don't have any scrap wood, a book or a stack of junk
mail in a ziplock bag works fine too.
If you do a lot of cakes in a row, tie the ends of the dental
floss to wooden spoons so that you don't cut your hands.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
After driving all night, a man arrived in a small town where
he decided to stop in the local park and catch some sleep.
Just as he dozed off, there was a knock on the window.
Outside the car, was a jogger.
"Excuse me, can you give me the time?" the jogger inquired.
"Groggily, the man replied, "It's 6:27."
The man closed his eyes and just as he dozed off there was
another knock on the window. There stood another jogger
who said, "I'm sorry to disturb you. Do you have the time?",
Struggling to keep up his spirits he replied, "It's 6:34."
The man rolled up the window but realizing that this could
go on indefinitely, he took paper and pen and created a
sign which read:
"I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME."
He stuck the sign in the window, closed his eyes, and was
barely asleep when there came yet another tap on the window.
The man looked and sure enough, there was another jogger.
He disgustedly rolled down the window and said, "Yeah, what is it?"
The jogger replied, "It's 6:42."
=============================================

========================================
Two men were sitting in a doctors office.
"What are you here for?" asked one.
"Circumcision," came the reply.
"That's rouh! I had one of those the day after I was born,"
the first man commented. "Afterward, I couldn't walk for a year."
========================================
Here is the long link for yesterday's Bonus Link Site:
http://www.kessels.com/Hobby/cats/Quotes.html

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Friday, May 18, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================
"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved
- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."
--- Victor Hugo
=======================================
Plumber to wife of would-be handyman:
"To ensure properly functioning plumbing, keep foreign
objects out of your sinks and tubs, flush soap suds away
with hot water --
and above all, hide your husband's wrenches."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed
her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day,
whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this, then
told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because
they have to repeat everything they say. Looking stunned, he said,
"What?"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Shenyang botanical park
A pony by any other color...
Shenyang botanical park is charging 30p each for pictures
with the animal which, as well as painted black stripes, has
fluffy white hair.
When asked if the zebra is real, the feeder answered:
"It's from Africa. What do you call it, if it's not a zebra?"
"We saw right away that the zebra is fake, but we are here
for fun, so it doesn't really matter," said a mother who had
just paid for her child's picture.
According to the City Evening News, the park says it doesn't
know if the horse is a zebra or not.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
"Painted Hills", Oregon
===========================================
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public
swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool,"
said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
===========================================

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===========================================
Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day
was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's
Day."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Janet
Re: Dark Sites
Dear Webby
One of my flakey relatives has a page with dark blue writing
on a mostly black background, which makes it very hard
for me to read. Is there a way I can change that on my
browser (IE6)
Thanks
Janet
Dear Janet
You might want to keep a close watch on that flakey relative.
Quite often that kind of web design is the equivalent of the
whispering phase that some suiciders go through.
In the mentime, to be able to read the text, hit CTRL A
to select All. As long as you just move scroll bars and don't
click into the page, all text will remain highlighted and will
be easy to read.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 11, 2007 - Walters, Oklahoma - AP
A rescue team navigated flooded farmland in a boat to save
a 70-year-old woman and her dog from rising floodwaters and
made another critical rescue — a pot of stew from the
woman's stove.
Geneva Taptto frantically began calling for help Wednesday
when she realized her rural home near Walters was surrounded
by floodwaters.
Local sheriff's deputies and the Oklahoma Highway Patrol's
lake division sent a rescue boat to save the woman and her
dog.
''They couldn't get the boat to the house. They had to wade
in water to get me and the dog,'' Taptto said. ''They even
brought the stew. I worked all morning on that stew.''

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comStoring Sandpaper
Store your sandpaper in a three ring binder. Just use some
pocket folders to keep the sandpaper organized by different
grits in the binder. Label the binding of the three ring binder
"Sandpaper" so that it's easy to see when sitting on shelf.
Old photo albums work great too!

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for
the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and
asks "What does two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician
looks at the interviewer incredulously and says
"Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the statistician and asks the
same question "What does two plus two equal?"
The statistician says "On average, four - give or take ten
percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the
same question "What does two plus two equal?"
The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shade,
sits down next to the interviewer and says
"What do you want it to equal?"
=============================================

========================================
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road,
when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed
into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after
seeing what happened, went over to investigate.
He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed
bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't,
but you know how them politicians lie."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Thursday, May 24, 2007
======================================
We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
--- Bertha Calloway
=======================================
Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting
anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having
their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out
and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better
go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another
one."
Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.
Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the
father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the
way, so call back later."
At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he
goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital
again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on
the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a
double scotch.
Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so
drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded
cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the
recording is still going strong:
"The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last
one was a duck."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Bob took his 4 year old Josh, out to McDonald's for
dinner one evening for a "guy night".
As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked
"Daddy, what are these little things on the
hamburger buns?"
He responded that they were tiny seeds and
were ok to eat.
Josh was quiet for a couple of minutes
and obviously in deep thought.
Finally, Josh looked up and said,
"Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our
backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to
last forever."
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Roland for sending this picture:
===========================================
"You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during
the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the
cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."
The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss
remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We
have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance.
However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what
happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No"
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others,
"Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly.
"You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers
and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone
who actually does something."
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She
replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to
this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I Dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing
it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and
manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries...it's
a long walk."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Kathleen
Re: Separate Window
Dear Webby
I saw one of the IT guys pop from a link on a page to a fresh
window, without overwriting the one where the link was. I asked
him how he did that and he managed o confuse not only me,
but also himself.
So, how is it done?
Kathleen
Dear Kathleen
Just hold down SHIFT and click the link.
If the link is just to a small pop-up, then hold down CTRL
while you click the link.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
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Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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Deeli's Kudos

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comShopping Tips
Shop early in the morning to avoid long lines. You can find
specials or day old breads first thing in the morning. Never
shop when you are hungry, and always shop with a list so
you remember what you really need.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
The skydiving instructor was going through the question and
answer period with his new students when one of them asked
the usual question always asked:
"If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open,
how long would we have till we hit the ground?"
The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan
answered:
"The rest of your life."
=============================================

========================================
This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a
woman hire another woman to do her housework, so that she
can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning
woman leaves her child?
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
======================================
If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt,
it means you never take any chances.
--- Julia Sorel
He that is of the opinion money will do everything
may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
--- Benjamin Franklin
=======================================
Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of
things I needed to do, including taking food out of the
freezer and grocery shopping.
As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take
to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday.
So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the
dashboard and went and picked her up.
As she settled into the car, her face dropped.
"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.
Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item:
"Take out the Turkey."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand
and makes it sound confusing.
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a peeping Tom in Baraboo, Wisconsin
Dumb Tom
April 6, 2007 - Baraboo Wisconsin - AP
A peeping tom seen peering into a second-floor window of a
man's apartment fled before the could catch him, but he left
a key piece of evidence behind -- his ladder.
Matt Edgerton, 24, said he and a date were at home March 24
when he noticed a shadow move across his bedroom window
and went to investigate. When he pulled back the curtain,
he was face-to-face with a middle-aged man peering in.
"My nose was actually touching the window and it was like,
boom! His face was right there,'' Edgerton said.
"It was like a horror movie.''
Police Lt. Rob Sinden, who is heading the investigation,
said: "The ladder is absolutely in our custody.''
Edgerton said the man seemed just as surprised as he when
the curtain was pulled open and scrambled down the ladder.
Edgerton ran outside, but the man was gone so he called police.
"We have had similar instances in the past, but I cannot say
we've ever had an individual use a ladder,'' police said.
"That's an individual who is working very diligently at peeking.''
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Joan for sending this picture by her shy friend in
That's not CPR!
===========================================
An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old
fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than
twenty pounds of apples."
"I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "From orange trees
like this, I expect about 120 pounds of oranges".
===========================================

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===========================================
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband
was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said
sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same
handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you
still look pretty good, too!"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ginny
Re: Move taskbar icons
Dear Webby
Is there a way to move the icons on the taskbar so that they
are in the order that I use them? I can only re-arrange the
icons in the little hot-bar section by the START, but the rest
of the task bar, that has the buttons for programs that are
running, there Windows won't let me move them.
Thanks
Ginny
Dear Ginny
Yes, there is a way, with the TaskBarShuffler. It is free.
You can download it from Shufflerhttp://www.freewebs.com/nerdcave/taskbarshuffle.htm
It's not a permanent patch for Windows, and if you want,
you can turn it off after sorting your program buttons.
They will stay sorted. It is quite civilized, and if you want,
you can even tell it to give up it's own little button over by
the clock. You can set it to start automatically when Windows
starts.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
April 5, 2007 - Clearwater, Florida - AP
A high school senior acknowledges he went too far when he
mooned a teacher. But he thinks the decision of school
officials to send him to a new school for the rest of the
year was too harsh, so his family is suing.
Tyler Tillung, 18, mooned a teacher "suddenly and without
thinking about the consequences" in February, according
to the lawsuit filed Tuesday. The teacher had declined to let
him into a Feb. 21 school lip sync show that was full. He
was suspended for six days and reassigned to a new school.
But the teen wants to graduate with his Palm Harbor University
High class in six weeks and complete his final season on the
varsity baseball team, the lawsuit said.
"We're talking about his graduation," said Tillung's lawyer,
B. Edwin Johnson. "That's an important event in a guy's life.
... This kid deserves a break."
School Board Attorney Jim Robinson said administrators
stand by their decision. "Without knowing the allegations,
we're confident in the administration's position on this case,"
Robinson said. Palm Harbor principal Herman "Doc" Allen
described the mooning as "disgusting" and the teacher as
"traumatized."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comBathroom Maintenance
A good way to keep your tub or shower clean is to wipe it
down after you use it. You can do it with the towel you use
to dry yourself. Teach your kids to do the same. Your tub
will require cleaning much less frequently.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like
an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and
forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"...
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in
interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next
door neighbor.
"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said.
"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
=============================================

========================================
Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic:
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft
background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar
of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room
and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar
into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband
returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the
place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets
were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were
brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to
move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to
replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and
decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half,
they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused
to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the
bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely
and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be
willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting
the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he
agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house
had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that
very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the
paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their
new home......
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
======================================
It is never too late to give up our prejudices.
--- Henry David Thoreau
=======================================
At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of Senior
Citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,"
said one.
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my
coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,"
said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,".... another went on.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced
an old man as he slowly shook his head. Then there was a
short moment of silence.
"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully.
"Thank God we can all still drive."
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Joe, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his
sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for
advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe
decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.
So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take
kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who
wanted Joe's job. "They don't even have the decency to
wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.
At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the
Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there
a chance that I could take Joe's place?"
"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better
hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Legislators in Taiwan
Politicians or TV-Wrestlers?
May 8, 2007 - Taipei - Reuters
Scores of Taiwan legislators sprayed water, threw stacks of
paper and exchanged punches in parliament Tuesday due to
disagreements over a bill, again delaying passage of the
long-overdue 2007 annual budget.
Lawmakers from the ruling Democratic Progressive Party (DPP)
and the main opposition Nationalist Party, or the Kuomintang
(KMT), climbed onto the parliament speaker's podium, wrestled
and pulled at each other's clothes.
At least one legislator fell from the table during the scuffle,
which broke out over a proposal by the KMT to adjust the
make-up of the Central Election Commission.
DPP legislators complained that the KMT had introduced
its election commission plan to derail passage of the annual
budget. Scuffles often break out over bills in the self-ruled
island's sharply divided parliament, where opposition
parties hold a slim majority.
Earlier this year, dozens of legislators threw shoes and
pulled ties over a similar bill, and in the past they have
also hurled lunchboxes and microphones at each other.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to
fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on
grounds of desertion.
"When did he leave you?" the judge asked.
"Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied.
The judge was confused. "If he left thirteen
years ago, where did all these children come from?"
"Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to
say he was sorry."
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
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===========================================
The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up.
"Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor.
"Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated a few times."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosie
Re: When will Vista be safe?
Dear Webby
We usually replace the computers in the office every three
years or so. I realize that we can't use Vista machines,
because they can't cope with our printers and scanners
and all sorts of software, but if we buy XP machines now,
will they still be able to cope in three or four years?
Rosie
Dear Rosie
Yes, sure they will! The machines are the same, exactly the
same hardware, they just have different software on it.
Right now we don't even know for sure if there will be an
SP1 patch for Vista, or if Microsoft will be coming out
with a new OS to compete with Linux. Vista has driven
a lot of companies over to Linux and Open Office, and
I am sure Microsoft has noticed that.
However, IF they improve Vista enough, and IF the printer,
scanner, camera, sound and accessory industry decide to
write drivers for already sold machines, you can still put
Vista onto the computers a few years from now.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 10, 2007 - Washington DC - AP
The treatment options for patients with early Parkinson's
expanded Wednesday with the approval of a new drug in
patch form — a first for medicines to treat symptoms of
the disease.
The once-daily Neupro patch contains a drug called rotigotine,
which has not been sold before in the United States, the
Food and Drug Administration said. The drug patch, made by
Schwarz Pharma AG, is the first for the treatment of symptoms
of Parkinson Disease.
Parkinson's disease results from the loss of dopamine-
producing brain cells. Dopamine is crucial for the communication
between cells that control muscle movement, which explains
the trembling commonly seen in Parkinson's patients.
Rotigotine works by activating dopamine receptors in the
brain, mimicking the neurotransmitter's effect.
An estimated 1 million people in the U.S. have Parkinson's,
with an additional 60,000 cases diagnosed each year.
Belgium's UCB bought Germany-based Schwarz Pharma last year.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comOrganize Tools With Fishing Tackle Boxes
Fishing tackle boxes work great for keeping small power
tools and their accessories and bits organized. Whenever
I see fishing tackle box at a garage sale or rummage sale,
I grab it. You can uses stencils and spray paint to label the
outside of the box.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant
for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses
on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway.
By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place
to turn around.
The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant.
He called his wife every bad name he could think of.
When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out of the
car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And while you're in
there, you might as well get my hat, too."
=============================================

========================================
Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked,
"Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make
me too?"
"Yes, God made you," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her
grandpa, as well as her own reflection in a nearby mirror, while
her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.
At last she spoke up.
"You know, Grandpa," she said, "God must have gotten the
hang of it and is doing a lot better job lately."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Monday, May 21, 2007
======================================
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent,
hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two
percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
--- Lily Tomlin
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not
know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
--- Theodore Roosevelt
=======================================
The lovers had decided that a mutual parting of the ways was
best for both of them. However, on the way to the Airport a
rather heated debate started as to whose fault their break-up
was.
At the crowded gate, she turned and said, "Thanks for nothing
you cheap bastard."
As she went down the ramp with the other passengers, he
shouted back "Hey baby. Don't be like that. If you ever work
this town again, give me a call."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He
handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back
in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached
a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This
student got back his test and $64 change.
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Leo Lewis Jr in Sloatsburg, NY
Lost his cool
May 8, 2007 - Suffern, New York - AP
A man who had been acquitted of charges he groped a woman
fired a sawed-off rifle at her during a court hearing over
attorney’s fees, authorities said. No one was injured but
the shot narrowly missed the judge’s head.
“I should have shot that b—- two years ago,” Leo Lewis Jr.
said as he stood up and pulled the trigger on Monday night,
according to a felony complaint issued Tuesday. The complaint
also said Lewis confessed he had previously thought about
killing the woman.
Lewis had been acquitted of charges of forcibly touching the
49-year-old woman, and on Monday he was seeking attorney’s
fees from her in small claims court, according to Louis Valvo,
chief assistant district attorney for Rockland County.
The hearing was being held in the small town of Sloatsburg,
and the courtroom on the second floor of Village Hall has no
metal detectors.
The shot missed the woman and struck a window several feet
above a judge’s head, police said. An officer who was in the
courtroom for traffic court fired off a shot, then chased Lewis
down and, with the help of a bystander, tackled him,
authorities said.
Bail was set at $500,000, and the woman and the Sloatsburg
judge, Thomas Newman, were given orders of protection
against Lewis.
Lewis, his face bruised, was arraigned on second-degree
attempted murder and weapon possession charges Tuesday.
He pleaded not guilty.
Sloatsburg Mayor Carl Wright told the Journal News that an
effort to install security cameras and other safety measures
was under way but the plan did not include a metal detector.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
A popular cheerleader bounced into the local card
shop, looked around, then approached the clerk.
"Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?"
she asked.
"Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's
a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My Cherry."
"Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box."
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of
various ways of preserving health.
One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject.
"Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to
simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to
that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life --- no effeminate
delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer
and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in
the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner--a plain dinner,
mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then.."
"Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but
what were you in prison for???"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Helga
Re: MS Office or Open Office
Dear Webby
What is the difference between MS Office and Open Office?
I have to get one of them. Which one do you recommend?
Helga
Dear Helga
The biggest diffeernce that I can see is that you can install
Open Office on a shirt pocket USB hard drive and run it
from there when you plug it into any computer's USB port.
And it is free.
With MS Office you would need to buy a $500 license for
each machine, with the free Open Office you got everything,
from settings and preferences to your documents, spreadsheets
and pictures on your portable hard drive, and basically just
"borrow" the keybaord and the printer and hardware of the
computer that you plug it into.
The included features are about the same, though Open Office
seems to be improving faster than MS Office. Whichever one
you learn, that's the one you will be good at, and that one
will be your preferred choice. There is no single feature
that I an think of that is available in only one of them, except
maybe the ability to create PDF files. You can do that with
Open Office, but if you have MS Office, you need to shell
out another $450 to get Adobe Acrobat Professional to do
the same. Microsoft was going to include it, but backed off
at the last minute, when Adobe threatened to sue. Seems there
was more copying than inspiration involved.
Since you don't have either one yet, and would not have to
un-learn and trade the peculiarities of one of them for those
of the other, I would recommend Open Office.
You can download it free at http://www.openoffice.org/
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
NEW YORK (AFP) - Two Russian-born sisters are due to become
assistant professors of finance in New York state later this year,
even though they are only 19 and 21, university officials said
Wednesday.
Angela Kniazeva and her younger sister Diana were due to take
up their new positions in September at the University of Rochester,
where half of their students will likely be older than them.
The pair, who already have masters degrees in international policy
from Stanford University in California, were picking up their
doctorates from New York University's Stern business school on
Wednesday after five years of study.
The talented twosome told the New York Post they did not
consider themselves geniuses, despite their achievements.
"I don't think this is the right word or right way of putting it," the
newspaper quoted Angela as saying. "I think we've been given
valuable opportunities, and we found ourselves in very fortunate
circumstances."
The duo were home-schooled by their parents and earned the
equivalent of their US high-school diploma at the ages of 10
and 11 before graduating college in Russia at the ages of
13 and 14. They graduated from Stanford in 2002.
The brainiac pair, who have already been teaching international
financial management at New York University, seemed unfazed
by their new positions.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comSaving Energy When Drying Clothes
It's best to keep your dryer hot by running one load after
another. It will help maintain your dryer's heat. It consumes
the most energy while it is heating up. Clean the lint dryer
between every use and don't over dry clothing.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks
and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate
encounters in the dental clinic after hours.
But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop
seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious."
"No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him.
"Besides, we've been messing around for six months now
and he doesn't suspect a thing."
"True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth.....!"
=============================================

========================================
The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from
work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to
be three in this house instead of two."
The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his
wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that way because
tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us."
========================================

========================================
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Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby
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Good Morning, !
Sunday, May 20, 2007
======================================
"Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts
and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results."
— James Allen
=======================================
MOTHER'S DICTIONARY
Amnesia : A condition that enables a woman who has gone through
labor to have sex again.
Bottle Feeding : An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.
Defense : What you'd better have aroun de yard if you're going to
let de children play outside.
Drooling : How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter : One who asks if the kids would care to order
dessert.
Family Planning : The art of spacing your children the proper
distance apart to keep you on the edge of
financial disaster
Feedback : The inevitable result when the baby doesn't
appreciate the strained carrots.
Full Name : What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents : The people who think your children are wonderful
even though they're sure you're not raising them
right.
Grandparents II : The people about whom you are still attending
therapy sessions, but who you would gladly
send your children to for a month to take a
vacation.
Hearsay : What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable : A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent : How we want our children to be as long as they do
everything we say.
Look Out! : What it's too late for your child to do by the time
you scream it.
Prenatal : When your life was still somewhat your own.
Prepared Childbirth : A contradiction in terms.
Puddle : A small body of water that draws other small bodies
wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off : A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize : What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling
it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom : The distance required between the supermarket aisles
so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach
anything.
Temper Tantrums : What you should keep to a minimum so as to not
upset the children.
Thunderstorm : A chance to see how many family members can fit
into one bed.
Top Bunk : Where you should never put a child wearing Superman
jammies.
Two-Minute Warning : When the baby's face turns red and she
begins to make those familiar grunting
noises.
Verbal : Able to whine in words.
Weaker Sex : The kind you have after the kids have worn you
out.
Whodunit : None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops : An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a
sponge."
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy
to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when
you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his
mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your
father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work,
and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly
hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when
he sees the mail man at his front door. The boy greets him by
saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail,
opens his arms and says, "Then come give your Daddy a big hug."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a chicken farmer in Osnabrueck, Germany
Scared eggless
May 8, 2007 - Osnabrueck, Germany - Ananova
A German farmer has gone to court after claiming a hot air
balloon scared his chickens.
Johann Stresen, 47, told a court in Osnabrueck that his
20,000 birds were so frightened they stopped laying eggs.
He is claiming $35,600 in damages because the Dutch hot
air balloon flew just 75ft over his farm instead of the 350ft
required by law.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
An elderly woman went into the doctor`s office. When the doctor
asked why she was there, she replied, "I`d like to have some
birth-control pills."
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said,
"Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you`re 72 years old. What possible
use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do
birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter`s orange
juice every morning and I sleep better at night."
===========================================

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===========================================
There are these two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one
of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway
for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the
sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a
hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given
life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the
shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and
giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of
breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would
you care to do it again?" He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly
replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time I
hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head!"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Richard
Re: Computer for Europe
Dear Webby
I have to go to Europe for six month. Can my computer be
adapted to work over there, or would it be better to buy one
there? I also have an Iomega remote hard drive. Does that
one work there?
Thanks
Richard
Dear Richard
Yes, they all work just fine in Europe. Take along the power
bar that you use now, but cut the plug off. When you get there,
go to the nearest hardware store or supermarket and buy a
regular plug. Each country there has a different plug, and
some countries have different ones in different regions.
All that talk about a united and standardized Europe is just
BS. The only thing they all have in common is a dislike for
Americans, and usually also a fair bit of envy..
Get the local plug and attach it to the power bar cord.
Then look at the back of your computer for a tiny, red slide
switch. Sometimes it is covered by tape to keep kids from
playing with it. Use a pen or small screwdriver to slide that
switch to the 220 setting. The same with the monitor,
unless it already has a 100 - 240 Volt rating printed on
the back.
The Iomega remote hard drive doesn't care what voltage
you power it with. It adapts automatically for anything
between 100 and 240.
You COULD get an adapter for the area that you go to,
but they cost 8 - 10 times more than an ordinary power
plug, plus shipping.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 10, 2007 - Tyneside, UK - Daily Telegraph
A Tyneside woman has saved the life of her boss by donating
a kidney. Angela Dawson, 44, put herself forward after tests
had ruled out Alma Caldwell's mother and sister.
Mrs Caldwell was diagnosed with polycystic kidneys four
years ago and put on dialysis, reports the Daily Telegraph.
Doctors had warned her that there was only a 30% chance
a non-relative would be a match. However, the transplant
was successful.
Mrs Caldwell, who is chief executive of North Tyneside
Age Concern, is making an excellent recovery.
"She has given me the gift of life. All I can say is she is
Angela by name and Angel by nature," the 49-year-old
from Whitley Bay said.
Mrs Dawson, who lives with her husband Malcolm and
daughter Amanda in Wallsend, is her second in command
at Age Concern.
"I've watched her go through so much over the 12 years I've
known her and just wanted to be able to do something," she said.
Mrs Caldwell, who has also survived a brain aneurysm, added:
"Thanks to Angela I have a quality of life I could never have
anticipated."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comKeep Spices Cool
Store your spices in a cool, dry space to keep them fresh.
If they are too near to the stove, they will lose their flavor
more quickly. Another way to keep spices fresh is to leave
then whole and grind them as you need them.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
As an instructor in driver education at the local
area High School, I've learned that even the
brightest students can become flustered behind
the wheel.
One day I had three beginners in the car, each
scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.
When the first student had completed his time, I
asked him to change places with one of the others.
Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight
ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I
stop the car first?"
=============================================

========================================
Thanks to Linda for this story:
My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over
into our family life. One morning, as our eight-year-old
Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her
room just to be sure she had tidied it up.
"You call THAT a made bed?" I asked.
"No, Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Saturday, May 19, 2007
======================================
"Products are made in the factory,
but brands are created in the mind."
— Walter Landor
=======================================
Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation
drifts from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I
could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way,
'Take a clean dish and ...'"
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A salesman of many years is tired of his job and gives it
up to become a policeman. One day, while he's walking
his beat, he meets an old friend who asks him how he
likes his new work.
"Well," says the salesman-turned-cop, "the pay is good
and the hours aren't bad. But what I like best is that the
customer is always wrong."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Stakely McConnell, 25, of Galveston, Texas
Bad example
May 10, 2007 - Galveston, Texas - AP
A high school teacher faces marijuana possession charges
after drug-sniffing dogs on a routine campus sweep led
police to his classroom desk, authorities said.
No drugs were found in the desk of Stakely McConnell,
a Spanish teacher at Ball High School. Instead, the dogs
smelled papers that had a marijuana odor transferred
from McConnell's hands, school police chief LeeRoy
Amador said.
McConnell, 25, admitted to smoking marijuana over the
weekend, Amador said.
Authorities said they later found a half cigarette of
marijuana in his car, but that there is no evidence or
suspicion that students were involved in the alleged
drug use.
McConnell was placed on administrative leave after
being arrested on campus Tuesday.
Possession of marijuana carries a maximum sentence
of one year in prison and a $4,000 fine. Because the
alleged discovery happened in a drug-free zone, the
district attorney can increase the charge to a state jail
felony, which carries a maximum two-year sentence and
$10,000 fine.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
Two sweet young things are driving through Louisiana. When
they reach the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about
the pronunciation of the name. They argue back and forth until
they stop for lunch.
As they stand at the counter, one asks the manager,
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please tell us where we are? We're having trouble
deciding how to pronounce it."
The manager leans over the counter and says,
"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing."
===========================================

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===========================================
Groan Alert!
A priest is out golfing one day. He is halfway down the first fairway,
waiting to hit his second shot, when he hears the familiar, "Fore!"
Immediately, a ball slams into his back.
The golfer who hit the ball rushes up to him and recognizes him.
"Father, I'm terribly sorry. The ball just got away from me."
"That's all right, my son," the priest says. "I'm not hurt."
"Thank goodness, Father!" the man exclaims. The two shake hands
and the man says, "You know, Father, I've been playing this game
for 40 years, and now I can tell my friends that I've hit my first holy one!"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: SueEllea
Re: Coping with hotels
Dear Webby
In my new positon, I have to do a fair bit of traveling, and
so far I don't like the computer part of it one bit. My
daughter told me that you travel a lot and have written
about that before. Well, you haven't, since I signed up.
Hopefully the other subscribers won't be bored if you write
an update on your travel tips.
Thanks
SueElla
Dear SueElla
The biggest nuisance with traveling is that most hotels use
high tables and low chairs. Nobody knows why, but even
hotels that claim to be business oriented and have office
type swivel chairs, use ridiculously high tables. Most
hotel tables come from China and just like un-hemmed
bargain pants, the legs are too long and need to be trimmed
to suit the actually needed length. Unfortunately, that is
too challenging for hotel staff.
I cope with that problem by carrying a 5/16" thick piece of
plexiglass trimmed to precisely fit into the lid of my big
wheeled carryon. Well, nowadays I can't take it on board
a plane any more and I have to check it through, but that
piece of plexiglass has travelled with me for about 10 years.
When I get to a hotel, I jam it into a partly opened dresser
or night table drawer, and set my laptop on that. Then the
separate keyboard, that I also take along, is at the perfect
height for maximum typing speed while sitting in a low hotel
chair.
Yes, I take a regular keyboard along, with proper numeric
keypad. I also take along a mouse: Microsoft Intellimouse
Explorer, wired. I am used to using the side buttons for
copying and pasting.
I also take along the following:
Wireless DSL modem card
15 foot network cable
20 foot telephone cable
Female-Female telephone cable connector
Telephone line one-to-two splitter
20 foot light weight extension cord (Lamp Cord)
Two 27 watt spiral lightbulbs
Print-out of Earthlink access numbers for the areas
that I travel to.
Naturally, I try to go to hotels that have wireless high-
speed connections, but sometimes the room is too far
away from the transmitter or the max number of people
are already logged on by the time I get set up. Then old
fashioned dial-up is better than nothing.
I have to say that Earthlink has never let me down, even
overseas.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 12, 2007 - Hendersonville, North Carolina - AP
After Eric Congdon opened a crate from China and discovered
a cat inside, coming up with a name for the furry stowaway
was easy.
China the cat had chewed through one of the boxes before
it left Shanghai on April 3 and spent at least 35 days on a
ship inside the container filled with motorcycle gear.
''I saw something in the container move,'' Congdon said.
''I turned up the headlights on the fork lift to get a
better look.'' That was when he saw the cat cowering in
a corner, weak but still alive. Congdon, owner of Olympia
Moto Sports in Hendersonville, said he and a co-worker
called the county's animal services when the cat would
not let them near.
A co-worker of Congdon's plans to adopt China, as
animal service workers are calling her, if she checks
out with a veterinarian. North Carolina law says any
animal coming into the country must be vaccinated
and quarantined for six months.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comInexpensive Desk
Make a great desk top out of an old smooth door
(knobs removed). Use short filing cabinets or milk crates
to support the door. This is a great way to recycle old
doors you may have sitting in your garage.
Some sanding and staining and then a few coats of marine
spar varnish will make it look really great and totally
impervious to ANY spills.
The darker you stain the door, the easier it will be on your
eyes. If the door is painted white, paint it brown or dark
green. The slate green that you may remember from old
school blackboards is the easiest on the eyes.
Have FUN!
DerWebby

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A scout for one of the leading colleges went to the office of
the athletic director and announced, "Have I got an athlete
for you! This guy can play every sport and excels at every
position. He is absolutely the finest athlete I have ever
seen play."
The athletic director was very impressed but had to ask the
question, "But how is he scholastically?"
The scout replied, "He makes straight "A"s in every subject.
However, I must tell you his "B"s are a little crooked."
=============================================

========================================
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son
riding a very fancy new 10-speed bike. "Where did you get the
money for the bike? It must have cost $300."
"Easy, Dad,..." the boy replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were
gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to
see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to go for a hike!"
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Friday, May 18, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================
I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will
teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn,
I must do it by listening.
--- Larry King
=======================================
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went
to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her
along.
"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I
didn't catch a thing!"
"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish
away," his mother said.
The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,"
Little Johnny said to his Uncle Rodney, the first time
he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas
present I ever got."
"That's great," said his Uncle Rodney. "Do you know
how to play it?"
"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom
gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the
day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to
play it at night.
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Theresa M. Stanley-Morgan, 41 of Newport Richey, Florida
Sleazy Crook
May 7, 2007 - Newport Richey, Florida - AP
Investigators said an 83-year-old woman was robbed of her
credit card after another woman gave her crack to smoke.
Pasco County sheriff's investigators are accusing accused
41-year-old Theresa M. Stanley-Morgan of getting the elderly
woman to smoke crack so she could run up at least
$3,200 in charges.
The sheriff's office said Stanley-Morgan admitted to police
that she used Shirley Hathaway's name, birth date and
Social Security number to open a credit card account after
having her smoke a lit crack pipe.
She allegedly told police she knew Hathaway had dementia
and memory loss and would not know about the credit card.
Stanley-Morgan was being held at the Pasco County jail on
charges of criminal use of personal identification, use of
another person's ID without permission and retail theft.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
David bought his wife a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, his
friend Bill asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said David, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"How come?" Bill asked.
"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."
===========================================

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Just 33 cents or less after that.
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===========================================
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in
London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the
steak you might not get one as there is a shortage."
The Texan said, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian said, "What's a steak...?"
The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me....?"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Leonard
Re: Vist Launcher
Dear Webby
We had Vista at work, for about a week, until they gave us
two days off while all machines were formatted and had XP
installed on them again. Luckily we had good back-ups,
otherwise it would have taken weeks.
The only part about Vista that seems to have been an
improvement over XP and that actually worked, was the
command line program launcher. You briefly mentioned an
XP version of that a couple of months ago, but I can't find
that Humor letter any more. Can you send that link again?
Thanks
Leonard
Dear Leonard
The XP version of that launcher is Launchy from
Launchy.net
It works great, and there are tons of different skins
available, with new ones being added every day.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 9, 2007 - Portsmouth, Hampshire, UK - Ananova
A Portsmouth pensioner is claiming a new record after living
in the same house for 96 years.
Alex Baker has stayed in the two-up, two-down terrace since
he was born there in 1911. When he spent his first hours there,
the Titanic had yet to sail and the First World War was still
three years away.
The house was bought for £130 is now worth £130,000 - but
Alex laughed off the idea of ever cashing in. He told the Mirror:
"This house has always been my home, so why would I ever
want to leave?"
Alex and his wife of 68 years, Edith, 89, raised three children
at the house. Son Brian, a 66-year-old retired cabinetmaker,
said: "The bathroom was a tin bath in the yard and we had
gas lamps until I was seven or eight."
Alex's uncle, Tom Searle, bought the house at the turn of the
century, passing it on to Alex's mother, Alice. She and his
father, Owen, had married in 1889.
Owen died in 1929 and when Alice passed away in 1957,
the house went to Alex and Edith.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comHanging Tools
If you enough wall space, hang shovels and other garden
tools upside down on your walls. For smaller tools, you can
get a peg board that you can mount on your wall and fit
with a variety of pegs and hooks and store tools that you
need to have handy.
You can also get mop closet organizers that grip the handles
properly with soft cushion grips. That way wet tools don't
drool down the handle and leave a blister causing crust,
and it helps to keep the lower end of the handle from drying
out and getting sloppy. A tight fitting tool tires you out a
lot less.
A mop handle rack with six spring loaded cusion grips is
usually around $4.95 and holds anything except heavy sledge
hammers.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
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Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Morris, gave me
$15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000. In all
honesty I cannot unfairly accept two bribes."
The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it
to Morris saying, "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to
decide this case solely on its merits!"
=============================================

========================================
WHITE MAN SHOT BY POLICE, CONFUSION REIGNS
Police in Cincinnati, Ohio shot and killed a white man today,
plunging the police department into chaos and confusion.
Police officials reported, "We don't know what to do. There's
no forms for this kind of thing. Normally we've got fifteen
levels of review, but we don't know what to do now. Hell, the
Justice Department hasn't even called to ream us out."
Precinct commanders dispatched riot units, but not a single
case of looting or property destruction was reported. One
white man was given a ticket for spitting on the sidewalk and
two other whites were detained for crossing against a red light.
One police officer was quoted as saying, "It's damned scary
how quiet it is. It's almost like everyone is going on with their
business like normal. Freaky."
The Mayor of Cincinnati's office was also embroiled in turmoil.
"We're actively seeking someone with whom to engage a
series of dialogues to, uhhh, do something about, umm, this."
So far, no person or group has accepted the Mayor's offer to
"enter into dialogue" about the shooting or its effect on the
community. The Mayor's office did report they received three
phone calls wondering when the Cincinnati Reds' first home
game would be.
========================================

========================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Thursday, May 17, 2007
======================================
Our lives improve only when we take chances -
and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be
honest with ourselves.
--- Walter Anderson
"Of cheerfulness, or a good temper -
the more it is spent, the more of it remains."
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson
=======================================
A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling
that something about this day was to be different.
Something unusual WAS about to happen today.
He glanced out the window at the thermometer:
33 degrees. He went downstairs - the clock had
stopped at 3 o'clock. He picked up the newspaper
and read the date: the 3rd of the month.
Threes - that was it! He grabbed the paper and
flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough
in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio!
The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life
savings and bet it all on the horse to win.
The horse finished 3rd.
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he
called a local repair shop where a friendly man
informed him that the printer probably needed only
to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for
such cleanings, he told him he might be better off
reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does
your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied
sheepishly. "We usually make more money on
repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves
first."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to David Brian Anton, minister at
Living Word Church in Tampa, Florida
Dopey Preacher
May 7, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP
A 70-year-old minister faces drug charges after police said
he had crack cocaine at his church.
Police said an officer approached David Brian Anton Sunday
in the parking lot of Living Word Church in Tampa.
The officer searched Anton and reported finding a plastic
bag with 16 rocks of crack cocaine in his shirt pocket. An
affidavit said police also recovered a crack pipe.
Anton was charged with possession of cocaine, possession
of cocaine within 1,000-feet of a church and possession of
drug paraphernalia.
He remains in jail on a $17,500 bond.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
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exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
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===========================================
===========================================
A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, "Jack, you are
spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You
really know your way around the course. What is your secret?"
To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!"
===========================================

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A civil servant is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the Ministry of
Absorption in Jerusalem. He is taken to Hadassah hospital where
he remains in a coma for several days.
Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him:
"My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll
never be able to work again..."
"Nu," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Pat
Re: Spyware Protection
Dear Webby
I love your Humor Letter and was wondering if you could
help me...do you know what the best spyware and virus
protection to run on your computer..I am haveing problems
and don't know what to get...Thanks Pat
Dear Pat
I use McAfee Virus Scan and McAfee FireWall
and Spybot-Search&Destroy from the left side menu in the
Humor Letter. That one is free.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 10, 2007 - Zhengzhou City, Henan, China - Ananova
An 87-year-old grandfather is studying law in China after
his own lawyer let him down. Wang Jianbang, 87, of Zhengzhou
city, Henan province, is taking the course with students a
quarter of his age.
"I was in a lawsuit for two years concerning my apartment,
and suffered a lot for my lack of knowledge," he told the
Zhengzhou Evening News.
The lawyer he hired confused a civil case with an
administrative case, which made him realise the importance
of knowing more about the law.
"The case lasted two years, which wasted a lot of my time
and money. Since I am still able, I want to become a lawyer,"
he added.
The Zhengzhou Justice training school has waived all of
Wang's tuition fees because of his age. School president Sun
Jiwen said: "We were touched by his spirit. He is the most
senior student we have had and we want to help him realise
his dream."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCooking Mushrooms
When cooking mushrooms, always be sure to cook them with
low heat and do not allow them to cook too long. If you do,
they will become tough and will shrivel. Very little
additional liquid is needed, because mushrooms
are ninety percent water.

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Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
"TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR DEAD NEIGHBORS"
If you share a home with a friend or relative, be thankful.
They will give you company and support. And if you happen to
die, they will miss you dearly, especially when the dishes
start to pile up.
Not everyone is so lucky.
A 40-year-old woman in Marburg, Germany, lay dead in her
apartment for more than 10 months before police found her
body. The body was discovered only because the landlord
cared enough to ask, "Where's my darn rent?"
The woman's neighbors hadn't noticed anything strange. They
had apparently assumed she was hibernating. Just like Al
Gore.
Such cases seem to be a major problem in Germany, where
death often arrives a few months, even a few years, before
the undertaker. That's partly because of the country's
efficient banking system, which makes automatic bill-paying
so easy, even dead people can do it.
In 1998, a Hamburg man was found dead on his sofa. He had
expired five years earlier, but, sitting in front of his
television, he looked just as lively as most men. The only
thing missing was a sign that said, "I'd get up to answer
the door, but I'm dead tired."
Unfortunately Germany isn't the only country where dead
people are taking up valuable apartment space. Russian
workers once found a man's skeletal remains in a room in a
communal apartment. He had been dead for five years, but the
families sharing the other rooms were too preoccupied to
realize that a room was available.
Even people with roommates sometimes find themselves
neglected, as did 43-year-old William Everett Delaney. The
Key West, Florida, man lay dead on his kitchen floor for two
months. His 78-year-old roommate recalled that Delaney had
fallen on the floor, but thought he was still alive, perhaps
doing some close-up research on the kitchen tiles.
The roommate offered to take Delaney to the hospital or get
him something to eat or drink, but when Delaney didn't
reply, the roommate made the only logical conclusion:
Delaney was very stubborn.
The 78-year-old stepped over Delaney's body for two months,
probably shaking his head and thinking, "I wish he'd get up
and help me clean the kitchen. It's starting to get an awful
smell."
Nobody deserves to die so anonymously. That's why it's
important to check on your neighbors regularly, especially
if they're elderly. Just knock on their doors and ask if
they're OK.
You: "Hello! Is anyone there?"
Female neighbor (shouting from behind her door): "Whatever
you're selling, we don't want any. That includes religion."
You: "I'm not selling anything. I'm your neighbor. Just
stopping by to make sure you aren't dead."
Neighbor: "Dead? No, I don't think I'm dead. But I'm not
sure about my husband. He hasn't moved from the couch since
1983. Do you think that's abnormal?"
You: "Only if he isn't holding the remote."
If you don't want to disturb your neighbors, keep a lookout
for signs that they may have died years ago. Here are a few
telltales:
---The grass around their home is so tall, the Boy Scouts
want to camp there.
---Their blue Volvo has gradually turned white, getting a
free paint job from the birds.
---They have a sign on their driveway that reads, "Grover
Cleveland for President."
---They're still flying the confederate flag.
=============================================

========================================
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully
told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.
The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right.
We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have
a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out
for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet.
"Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling,
"Oh! Boy!"
His mother said, "I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as
she noticed the turtle move. "Futh, you're turtle is not dead
after all."
"Oh," the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?"
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
======================================
He who laughs, lasts.
--- Mary Pettibone Poole
=======================================
A tractor salesman was passing a farm, where the farmer
was plowing the field with a bull. He goes over and offers
to sell the farmer a tractor to plow with. The farmer tells
him "I don't need a tractor, I have three new ones at the
barn"
Well if you have three new tractors at the barn, why are you
plowing this field with that bull, asked the salesman ?
The farmer replied, "This is part of the bulls continuing
education. I am teaching him that there is more to farming
than messing with cows and tearing down fences.
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced
into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly
what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,"
he said at length, "I've just three things to tell
you."
"First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds.
Second, you should use about one tenth as
much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist -
the doctor's office is on the next floor."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to car drivers in Jerusalem and a Darwin Award goes
to Moshe Yisraeli, 63 of Jerusalem
Worse than New York!
May 8, 2007 - Jerusalem - Reuters
More than two dozen Israeli motorists maneuvered around
the dead body of a road accident victim lying in the middle
of a busy intersection, failing to stop to help in an incident
captured by a traffic camera.
In footage broadcast by Israeli television stations on Monday
and in a series of photographs on newspaper front pages,
motorcyclist Moshe Yisraeli was seen trying to squeeze
between two trucks at a junction on a highway near Tel Aviv
Sunday.
He never made it. The camera captured his body lying near
the centre of the four-way intersection, his motorcycle
meters away on its side.
Some 30 cars and trucks slowed down and then carefully drove
around the prone motorcyclist in a stream of traffic that
continued for nearly two minutes before a driver stopped
his vehicle and approached the body.
An ambulance crew later pronounced Yisraeli, 63, dead at
the scene
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture!
===========================================
Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me "You're next!"
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them
at funerals.
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
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When an express train to London made an unscheduled stop
at Reading, the philosopher, C.E.M. Joad, climbed aboard.
"You¹ve got to get off sir," the guard told him, "this train
doesn¹t stop here."
Replied Joad, "In that case, don't worry.
If it didn't stop here, I didn't get on it."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Elsie
Re: Norton
Dear Webby
I found out the hard way, again, that I should have followed
your advice instead of listening to our IT manager. It seems
that Vista + Norton is fatal. All of our company machines
are too slow to work on, and don't even open browsers any
more. My borrowed daughter's laptop with XP on it is our
only properly working machine. (Her laptop is borrowed, she
isnt). The company machines are so badly trashed, we can't
even uninstall Norton.
You mentioned a tool for cleaning out Norton once.
Would that work to get the machines to work again? And
how do we get it onto machines that can't browse any more?
Thanks
Elsie
Dear Elsie
Just browse with the laptop to my tool box
and look for the Norton Removal Tool. Download it to the
laptop and burn it onto a CD, or send it to each machine over
the office network. Just copy the download right onto the
desktop, then hit that icon.
Once you have Norton removed, your machines will work exactly
the same as they did before they installed Norton. There is
apparently no lasting damage. From what I read, they had a
wacky update patch, that Norton downloaded automatically, and it
slowly cripples the machines infected with it.
You will probably hear a lot more about Norton 360's problem
in the next few days.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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Deeli's Kudos
May 9, 2007 - Merrill, Wisconsin - AP
A service station that offered discounted gas to senior
citizens and people supporting youth sports has been
ordered by the state to raise its prices.
Center City BP owner Raj Bhandari has been offering
senior citizens a 2 cent per gallon price break and discount
cards that let sports boosters pay 3 cents less per gallon.
But the state Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer
Protection said those deals violate Wisconsin's Unfair Sales
Act, which requires stations to sell gas for about 92 percent
more than the wholesale price.
Bhandari said he received a letter from the state auditor
last month saying the state would sue him if he did not raise
his prices. The state could penalize him for each discounted
gallon he sold, with the fine determined by a judge.
Bhandari, who bought the station a year ago, said he worries
customers will think he stopped the discounts because he
wants to make more money. About 10 percent of his
customers had used the discount cards.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
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Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The
boy did so correctly.
"Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?"
"Without water."
=============================================

========================================
John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant.
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces
away noticed that John was suddenly and silently sliding
down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite
unconcerned.
Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his
chair and out of sight under the table.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over
to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but
I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh,
no he didn't. In fact, my husband just walked in the front
door."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
======================================
Thoughts, like fleas, jump from man to man.
But they don't bite everybody.
--- Stanislaw Lec
=======================================
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
The priest was passing a group of young teens sitting on
the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
"Nothing much, father," replied one boy. "We were just seeing
who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."
"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was
your age, I never even thought about sex."
In unison they all replied, "You win!"
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out
that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents'
occupations.
The teacher pulled me aside.
Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little
bit more to your daughter what you do for a living."
I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars
in motel conference rooms. When I asked why, the teacher
explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure
what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went
to work at motels."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Scott Barricklow, of Manchester, Missouri
No talent for drumming
May 4, 2007 - Manchester, Missouri - AP
A music teacher who twice ordered a seven-year-old pupil
to hit himself in the head with drum mallets will not return to
the Parkway School District next year.
The incident happened on February 9th in teacher Paul
Provencio's music class at Carman Trails Elementary School
in suburban St. Louis. State officials say the 36-year-old
teacher intended the head-banging as a lesson to Justin
Barricklow about hitting the drums too hard.
The Missouri Department of Social Services investigated
the case at the request of the boy's father, Scott Barricklow,
who works as a groundskeeper for the Parkway district.
Provencio has since apologized. School officials called the
incident "unprofessional and totally inappropriate."
-------------------------
What ever happened to: "An indoor drum is a precision
instrument. Don't hit it any harder than you would hit your
head!" ?
Somehow I doubt that thousands of years of drummer
tradition are going to be made obsolete because of a wimp
and some clueless dogooders. Drumming is not for wimps.
Just like the profession of beer tasting requires some
pre-existing alcoholism, most musicians feel that really
good drumming requires a certain amount of pre-existing
brain damage.
Otherwise, thousands of drummer jokes would be obsolete!
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Mike for sending this picture!
I shot these at The Butterfly Farm last week
on the island of St Maarten ... enjoy!
Mike
===========================================
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in
the car?
He had to break a window to get the drummer out!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my drummer to spell "Mississippi"...
He said, "the river or the state?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots?
They put drumsticks on the dash.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a drummer who's lost his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a kid with a set of drums?
A: Poster child for Birth Control.
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli for this report:
May 13, 2007 - Rome, Italy - AFP
A 24-year-old Sicilian man under house arrest called for
police to bring him to jail because he could no longer put
up with arguments with his mother and stepfather, a news
agency reported Saturday.
Marcello Lazzara, under house arrest in connection with
counterfeit CD sales, preferred going outside the house to
be arrested for escape rather than remain with his family
in Palermo, Ansa agency said.
"I am so glad to meet you," the man told police when they
arrived to arrest him in the street outside his home.
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Lynda
Re: DreamWeaver Site List
Dear Webby
I use DreamWeaver to take care of the sites of about a dozen
clients. I love the program and see why all the PROs use it.
But about twice a year it trashes the site list and I have to
manually punch in the whole set-up for each site.
You mentioned that you use DreamWeaver. Does yours do
that too, and how do you cope with it?
Lynda
Dear Lynda
It's a known bug, and is not likely to ever get fixed.
However, a few years ago Jörg Schmalenberger in Germany
made a little back-up utility for backing up the site list
and your preferences settings. You can get it free at
http://mm-exporter.joexx.de/
You can even export your site list and prefereces onto a
key-fob RAM disk or camera chip to store in a safety deposit
box far away from your computer.
If you lose this link, it is also in my toolbox
at http://webby.com/tools.html
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 8, 2007 - Xuzhou, China - Yangtse Evening Post
A 92-year-old grandmother jumped into a fishing lake in
China to save a four-year-old boy. Lu Bohua, who is 5ft 1ins
tall, jumped into the 6ft deep lake, near Xuzhou city, without
a second thought when she heard the boy crying.
"I was going home after visiting a neighbor, and heard a kid
crying," she told the Yangtse Evening Post. Seeing no one
else around, Lu jumped into the lake, grabbed the little boy
and held his head above water but the banks were too steep
for her to get out again.
"The kid was so scared, and I could feel him shivering," she
said. "I felt myself gradually losing strength, so I shouted out
for help."
Villagers heard the cry and ran for the lake, and were
surprised to see the pensioner holding the child while
shouting for help.
Villagers praised Lu's courage.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comBeans Without Gas
You can reduce gas from eating beans by boiling beans for
1/2 hour, rinsing, and soaking for several more hours. This
methods works because triglycerides soak out and get
discarded. I rinse beans multiple times, even canned ones.
By Rose

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
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Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
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An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent
my daughter in here for two pounds of cookies this morning, but
when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that
you check your scales."
The baker looked at her calmly and replied, "Ma'am, I suggest
you weigh your daughter."
=============================================

========================================
When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I
noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house.
"Is that your grandmother?" I asked.
"Yes," Chris said. "She's visiting."
"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"
"At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we need her,
we just go out there and get her."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Monday, May 14, 2007
======================================
I am sorry about yesterday's Humor Letter being late, like
usual on Mothers Day. I sent it out at the normal time, but
on Mothers Day (and Fathers Day) I give server priority to
the postcards.
Two words never heard
In polite conversation
"Microsoft Vista"
--- Dave, ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner
Please let's keep this polite. If you have an urge to talk
dirty, please contact the vendor who conned you into
buying a Vista machine.
=======================================
Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi.
He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her.
I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says,
"I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours,
or rather listened to her for four hours."
Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?"
The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow
and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's
bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to
watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.
"Yeah daddy, yeah daddy," said the little boy.
After a while the boy came into the living where his father was
talking with some friends. "Say, Pop," said the boy. "Yes,"
replied his father.
"The bull just mounted the brown cow."
There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said
"Excuse me" and took his son outside. "Son, you mustn't use
language like that in front of company. You should say 'The
bull surprised the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me
when the bull surprises the white cow."
The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy
came in and said, "Hey, Daddy."
"Yes, son. Did the bull surprise the white cow?"
"He sure did, Pop! He mounted the brown cow again!"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Judge Jose Felipe Ledur in Brazil
Judge obviously does not understand the situation
May 5, 2007 - Brazil - BBC News
A Brazilian brewery has been ordered to pay $49,000 to an
alcoholic beer taster who claims the company failed to
prevent his condition. The man, who has not been named,
said the company, Ambev, did not provide him with adequate
health care to stop him from developing alcoholism.
He said that for more than a decade he drank around one
and a half litres of beer each day.
But Ambev says that the employee was an alcoholic before
he took the job.
The employee says he drank between 16 and 25 small glasses
of beer during each eight hour shift at the company, and was
also given a bottle of beer at the end of each shift.
An initial ruling favoured Ambev, which claimed the man was
already an alcoholic.
But Judge Jose Felipe Ledur said the company was still
negligent because an alcoholic should have never been
employed as a beer taster.
He added that the man's alcohol dependency had worsened
in recent years, and that he felt like drinking the same
amount on holiday as he drank at work.
--------------------------
1.5 liters of beer per day don't make a college student or
NASCAR fan an alcoholic. However, a professional beer taster
has to have a pre-existing immunity. He has to be able to be
sober enough at the end of the shift, so that he can still
tell the slightest change in taste. Most beer tasters drink
less on work days than on days off.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture!
Somebody is going to get yelled at!
===========================================
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father,
who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your
grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we
will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could
discuss his use of the car.
His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your
grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair
cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been
thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long
hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
===========================================

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===========================================
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly
Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our
computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week
but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring
above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter and off flies the
first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of
this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down.
There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a
freebie."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter
to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He
asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere
over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could
prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asketh the Lord.
St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Grandma Buttercup
Re: Special Quarters
Hi Webby
I found the article on the quarter interesting. As a coin
collector, I was wondering how one may go about obtaining
a few of these coins. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank-you
Grandma Buttercup
Dear Grandma Buttercup
They didn't really flood the market with them because they
figured if they were scarce they would be noticed more.
I had some of the Support The Troops quarters with the poppy,
but have given them away to friends who have sons fighting
in Afghanistan.
The Breast Cancer quarter that I showed you in yesterday's
Humor Letter is well used, as you saw, and definitely not
collector's grade. To get it "Brilliant, Uncirculated", in a
sealed pouch, you'll have to go to a reputable coin wholesaler
like
http://www.colonialacres.com/cgi-bin/di ... kribbon25c
That run is finished and there won't be any more new ones.
For the poppy (Support the troops) quarter there is the
red poppy http://www.colonialacres.com/cgi-bin/di ... poppy25cbu
and the gold poppy on pure silver for the serious collectors:
http://www.colonialacres.com/cgi-bin/di ... 005_annual
That was a very limited edition of only 15,000 world wide.
It is already trading at over US$25, and expected to go up
steeply.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby
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Deeli's Kudos
May 8, 2007 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP
Don't try to dupe Kent Parker just because he's blind and
operates a deli in the Hamilton County Courthouse.
Every once in a while, somebody tries to cheat him despite
the security cameras trained on the cash register and about
a dozen sheriff's deputies a few steps away.
In the past two weeks, two women offered bills smaller than
they claimed and were arrested within minutes.
''I have a lot of friends who watch out for me,'' said Parker,
43, who has been operating the Courthouse Deli for eight years.
Sometimes Parker can tell if a customer is acting suspiciously.
''They test me, hand me money, seeing if I know what it is,''
he said. ''I don't see at all, but there are tricks to the trade.''
One is to simply lay the bill on the counter and ask one of
his three employees to verify it. But not until the customer
turns away.
''I don't want to insult anybody by making them think I'm
doubting them,'' Parker said.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comSweetening Whipped Cream
Sweeten homemade whipped cream with Confectioner's (powdered)
sugar instead of granulated sugar, if you like sweet
whipped cream. The cream will hold its shape better, and be
fluffier. By Nancy
Keep in mind that Confectioner's Sugar or Icing Sugar
usually contains starch. To get the same level of sweetness
as with regular sugar, you have to add about 25% more by
weight. If somebody is on a strict, starch-free diet, don't
use icing sugar.
For best results I start with 35 - 38% real whipping cream,
beat it at high speed until it just starts to show peaks and
valleys, then I stop the beater and add regular sugar, pulse
the beater to mix in the sugar and then let it sit for about a
minute. After that I beat it again at high speed until I see
firm, stiff peaks that have no gloss and look just a bit
coarse. That makes stiff gourmet whipped cream that can
be applied to the side of a cake and won't sag or run.
It will be just as firm as that semi-edible wall spackling
compound sold in little tubs, but tastes much better.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
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http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and
were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from
work one night, the landlady met the man in the hallway.
She said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town
tonight, and I wonder if you and your bride would like to
have them?"
"I'll ask her," the young man responded. He opened his door
and called out,
"Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?"
"Hey, Pal," she retorted. "If you show me one more trick
with that thing, I'm going home to mother."
=============================================

========================================
A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a
yard sale and said to the homeowner, "My husband is going
to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale."
"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the
bargains," the homeowner replied.
"Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just fell off the roof
and broke both his legs, and he's waiting for me to take
him to the hospital."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Happy Mothers Day!
======================================
Two words never heard
In polite conversation
"Microsoft Vista"
--- Dave, ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner
Please let's keep this polite. If you have an urge to talk
dirty, please contact the vendor who conned you into
buying a Vista machine.
=======================================
Thanks to Rubye for bringing back this Mother's Day Classic:
"25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER"
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into
the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're
not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to
freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you
are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come
running to me."
21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born
in a cave?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite:My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and they will turn out just like YOU" !!!
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the
teacher singled him out.
"If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave
$50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would
you have?"
"Well, it sure would be no orgy!" Johnny answered,
"Helen, my girlfriend, would bust my skull for that!"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to City Hall in Palermo, Sicily
Chicago style electioneering
May 4, 2007 - Sicily, Italy - AFP
Palermo's city hall has hired 110 new bus drivers -- none of
whom have a license to drive a bus, sources said Friday.
The hirings have come ahead of May 13 and 14 local elections
in the Sicilian city. Election season in Sicily often brings
revelations of questionable municipal hirings, a practice
denounced by critics as a vote-winning tactic.
Italian paper Corriere della Sera reported the bus driver
hirings on Friday and source close to the public transport
president confirmed them.
"For the moment, we can't do anything with them," the source
said. "As long as they have not earned their permits, they
are paid but must wait to be assigned."
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Sue for sending this picture of her Mellow Yellow
roses!
===========================================
had been misbehaving and was sent to bed.
After a while emerged and informed mother
that had thought it over and then said a
prayer.
"Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to
help you about your misbehaving, He will help you."
"Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said
. "I asked Him to help me not to get
caught quite so much."
===========================================

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===========================================
Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale,
sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this
maneuver, she commented,
"I don't think that is going to help."
"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see
the numbers"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Lollytoo
Re: Unavailable
At 09:29 AM 5/12/2007, Lollytoo@***.com wrote:
Hello, I am unavailable to read your message at this time.
Dear Lollytoo
You don't really have to tell me each time when you are
busy playing with yourself.
DearWebby
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 8, 2007 - Twin Falls, Idaho - AP
Glenn Goodlove said he was likely smooching with a girl in
the expansive back seat of a 1946 Hudson when his wallet
slipped from his pants pocket more than five decades ago.
The year was 1952.
Goodlove was a sailor home on leave from the U.S. Navy.
The Hudson belonged to his grandfather, who lived in
Western Washington.
He'd long since forgotten about the lost leather billfold,
until last month when he got a phone call from a pair of
southern Idaho car collectors, Jon Beck, 61, and Chuck
Merrill, 72, both from Twin Falls, told him they'd found
the wallet. Inside were a $10 bill, a $1silver certificate,
military identification, Social Security card and a
handwritten Washington state driver's license.
''If it was in my sailor-mentality years, I might have
attempted to, as they said in those years, 'make out,'''
Goodlove, who now lives in California, told the Twin Falls
Times-News, on why the wallet went missing.
After an Internet search, Beck found Goodlove, now
75, at his home in San Diego.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comKeeping Tupperware Unstained
In order to keep your Tupperware looking new, try this.
Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray
before pouring in tomato based sauces. There won't
be any stains, it should all just wash out.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure
anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with
what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the
town grouch.
So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that
he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my
sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin'
to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little, then tells Mr. Smith,
"What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders.
So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out,
"This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the
doctor. That will be $100.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad.
One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor
along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts,
"I can't remember!"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little and tells Mr. Smith:
"What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled
the office...
=============================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Saturday, May 19, 2007
======================================
The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but
the habits he has acquired during the first half.
--- Fyodor Dostoevsky
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to
fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an
artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
--- Jay Leno
=======================================
From Shirley:
Sensational warnings spawned south of the border
WASHINGTON (AP) - An odd-looking Canadian quarter with a
bright red flower was the culprit behind a false espionage
warning from the U.S. Defense Department about mysterious
coins with radio frequency transmitters, The Associated Press
has learned.
The harmless ''poppy quarter'' was so unfamiliar to suspicious
U.S. army contractors travelling in Canada that they filed
confidential espionage accounts about them. The worried
contractors described the coins as ''filled with something
man-made that looked like nano-technology,'' according to
once-classified U.S. government reports and e-mails
obtained by the AP.
The silver-coloured 25-cent piece features the red image of a
poppy, Canada's flower of remembrance and support for the
troops, inlaid over a maple leaf..
..........
Shirley
Dear Shirley
We don't just have Support The Troops quarters with the red
poppy, we also have Breast Cancer Quarters with the pink
ribbon. This one is a bit worn, but the only one I had in my
wallet today.
Ask your friends to click on the pretty link to the Breast
Cancer Site in the left side menu! Give them a free gift
subscription to the Humor Letter to make sure they click.
On May 10, 2007, you and others who clicked on the breast
cancer site button funded 12.1 mammograms for women who
could not afford one. That is awesome !
Have FUN!
DearWebby
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to
his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational
theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects
of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment
form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes,
but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to York Heiden, 36, of Stevens Point, Wisconsin
Too dumb to own a car
May 5, 2007 - Stevens Point, Wisconsin AP
A Stevens Point man thought he was lucky to recover his car
after it was stolen - until it was stolen again later that day.
York Heiden's pearl-colored 1990 Audi Quattro was stolen
from a grocery store parking lot April 27 while his wife was
running errands. The keys had been left in it.
Heiden, 36, who owns a automotive repair shop, quickly
called some friends and the car was found nearby, without
keys.
He said he had a friend disable the car's ignition by removing
a coil wire while he left it to pick up a spare key. When he
returned, the car was gone. He had forgotten, he said, that
that model Audi had a two-coil system and could be driven
with just one.
He also forgot that the car thief still had the original set
of keys, and that ONE fuse taken out, would have disabled
the entire ignition system.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Joann for sending this picture of her Miltonia Orchid
===========================================
Once you reach mid-level management, promotions are hard
to come by at the state highway dept. I congratulated one woman
on her recent upgrade and asked if she would mind telling me
how she pulled it off.
She smiled and said, "Well, sure. But I doubt very much if it'll
do you any good."
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
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===========================================
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not
necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed
his statement after he gave it to the police.
"For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I
was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I
remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom."
When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him
"Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men
to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"
"What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch,
let alone three people. What did you do?"
"I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly
where it was."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Linda
Re: Laptop for College
Dear Webby
Thanks for the good work - keep us smiling :)
Is there any way to search the archives of your newsletters?
I remember a comment not too long ago about the Vista.
I want to look up what was said as I am in the market for a
new laptop. As a graduation gift I want to get my son a laptop
to take to college with him and am looking at getting a Dell.
Any suggestions on which model series to look at? Besides
using the computer for internet research and writing papers,
the main thing my son loves to do is use the computer/cd
drive to play his music.
Thanks,
Linda
Dear Linda
-----------------------------------
Last month's ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner is:
Dave, from Mont Vernon, New Hampshire!
Here is the winning Haiku:
two words never heard
in polite conversation
Microsoft Vista
----------------------------------
The writers at "Think Geek" are not paid shills like the
writers at computer magazines, that have hundreds of thousands
of dollars worth of Vista ads every month. The "Think Geek"
people are the techies and programmers, who are free to say
what they feel. None of them will lower their standards and
use Vista.
Do you know what that means?
It means there is no grass roots support of friendly neighborhood
geeks and techies who can help you out with Vista. If you got
conned into Vista, then YOU got a problem. They don't.
DELL does have XP laptops again, and so do most other
brands too.
For college and anything work related, the cheapest laptop
will be more than good enough, especially if it has XP and
you upgrade the RAM to 1 GB. If game playing is a priority,
then a more expensive model would make a difference.
Games are much more demanding than work or research.
However, even there, the biggest consideration seems to be
the bragging about specs on the school bus, not actual
performance.
Don't waste money on fancy speakers. He probably already
has a boom box with an AUX input to plug in stuff like a line
from a record player or whatever. If he doesn't, they are cheap
at pawn shops and second hand stores. A boom box has a
great amplifier and puts out much better sound than any of
those overpriced computer squeakers. He can plug in a cable
from the laptop to the boombox and use it instead of
squeakers.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 8, 2007 - Cary, North Carolina - The News & Observer
Thanks to new behavioral therapy at a Duke University
Medical Center clinic, 9-year-old Rick Shocket is doing
what seemed impossible for him a year ago: gain control
over Tourette's syndrome, a brain disorder that causes
repetitive movements and sounds.
The illness made it difficult for him to cross a room. A
myriad of tics he's battled include sniffs, coughs, yips,
fidgets and twitches. Rick felt compelled to do a deep knee
bend with nearly every step, leaving him exhausted by the
end of the day.
Since starting behavioral therapy at Duke last year, he
can recognize the warning signs that precede the tics,
then resist the urge to perform them. The therapy also has
enabled him to stop many of the prescription medications
he took.
The therapy goes against years of thought on Tourette's
Syndrome, which has held that the tics are involuntary and
that it's best for those with the illness to simply ignore them.
The habit-reversal training offered at Duke teaches the exact
opposite, instructing patients to stay hyper-aware of tics so
they can anticipate and suppress them.
''He hasn't squatted since September,'' said Clare Shocket,
who says she would have tried behavioral therapy before
drugs if she had known it was an option. ''I've tried to figure
out why more people don't rush out and do this.''

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comPressing Rice Krispy Treats
Love Rice Krispy Treats but hate the mess? Run your hands
under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the
pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers. Butter
or oil rubbed on your fingers can also be used.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this literary masterpiece:
(don't think of it as blasphemy, but as literary art)
CARSTIANITY
"Haul a Yugo. Haul a Yugo."
Gearly beloved, we are Blazered here in the name of our Four-door,
who art in Half-ton.
I'm speaking of our lord and Mazda, Jeep-sus Chrysler.
He is the Alfa and the Romeo.
He was born in a Ranger, he was Tempo'd by the DeVille,
and he Daihatsu'd for your Sentras.
He said, "Dodge not, that ye not be Dodged.
Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's Whitewall,
but turn the other Cherokee.
If ye have Fiat, ye can move Montecarlos.
He ain't Chevy, he's my Beretta."
He ate the Last Supra, and he climbed the mount of Cavalier,
where they Cruise-controlled him on the Motocross.
But God, in his Infiniti Mercedes, did Rolls away the Stanza.
Let us Prelude:
Sayeth the prophet Isuzu, in the Dusenburg Bible,
In the 23rd Saab, "The Ford is my Chauffeur. I shall not Walk.
He Lexus me in the paths of Right-turn-signals.
Yea, though I walk through the Valet of the Shadow of Dart,
I shall Fiero no Eagle.
Subaru Goodwrench and Mercury shall Volvo me Audi Daytonas
of my life, and I shall Dwellmeter house of Delorean,
Four-cylinder."
Gloria, In Ex-Celica Geo!
GM
=============================================

========================================
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her
home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid," said
the woman.
The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house." The
woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "He
is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The
woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make
$50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her,
"I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the
witch he's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun
shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the
bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."
A long pause
and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Friday, May 11, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================
You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing.
--- Michael Pritchard
Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the
only animal that is struck with the difference between what
things are and what they ought to be.
--- William Hazlitt
=======================================
Dear Webby,
Thanks for the humor newsletter.
I have an addition for today's "Advice to aspiring newsletter writers."
Eschew obfuscation.
*****************
Richard
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to
the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks
across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a
minute, then walks back across the street.
The other dog says, "What was that about?"
The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Elizabeth Logan, 41 of Hillsboro, oregon
Caught!
May 2, 2007 - Hillsboro, Oregon - AP
A Hillsboro mother found her daughter's missing winter coat
on eBay, and now a teacher at the girl's elementary school
faces charges of theft and computer crimes.
Elizabeth Logan, 41,is on PAID administrative leave from
Jackson Elementary. She denies stealing the coat, saying
she got it from a lost-and-found.
The mother searched the school's lost and found for the
coat, then decided to turn to eBay for a replacement. After
finding a seemingly identical coat, she noticed that the
seller was from Hillsboro.
The mother alerted another bidder that the coat might be
stolen, and the other bidder relayed the information to
Logan, the seller.
Skinner said Logan asked the other bidder to outbid the
girl's mother.
Logan's salary is nearly $69,000 a year, and she has taught
20 years at two elementary schools. She is to appear in
court Friday.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her canna
===========================================
Thanks to Dora for this story:
One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to
find the place packed with young people. At 40+, we felt old,
but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome
man approached us.
"Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought.
Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of
my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me
in third grade."
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
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===========================================
A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film
location in the mountains of Alberta spun out of control on
the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a
1200-foot embankment, landed on it's roof, and burst into
flames.
There were no injuries.
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Darlene
Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify
Good Morning, DearWebby
This is in reply to Don and removing the Firewall Disable
notify from his Spybot. I had the same problem all the time
and finally I right clicked on it when it appeared in the
remove panel and then clicked on DO NOT CHECK FOR
THIS and it stopped coming up all the time.
Have a super day and thanks again for the great humour letter
Darlene
Dear Darlene
yes, that certainly works, and with that particular item is
quite safe to use. You can also tell it not to worry about
navigational cookies for your bank, telephone company
Amazon, and other legitimate places.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 7, 2007 - Attalla, Alabama - AP
Shoppers entering the Wal-Mart Supercenter in Attalla got a
reminder not to try anything funny: Two shoplifters stood
outside with signs reading "I am a thief, I stole from Wal-Mart."
Attalla City Judge Kenneth Robertson Jr. ordered the two
people to wear the signs for four hours each during two
successive Saturdays.
"The only comments we've heard so far have been positive,"
said store manager Neil Hawkins. "Most of them thought it
was a good thing."
One of the shoplifters, Lisa King Fithian, 46, wore the sign
from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Another convicted shoplifter was at
the store from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m.
Hawkins noted how embarrassing it would be for the public
to see someone who got caught shoplifting. "Maybe they'll
think twice about doing it," he said.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comPotato Storage
To keep potatoes from budding, place a small apple in the
bag with the potatoes. You should also store them in a dark,
cool location and keep them away from onions, to avoid
moldy potatoes and onions.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and
pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an
on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby
restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined
up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole.
When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight
passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning about whiplash
and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones.
=============================================

========================================
Thanks, Webby. As usual, you were more helpful than Microsoft.
I am almost tempted to go out and buy a Mac.
Carol
Hi Webby
And I can thoroughly understand that removing Outlook Express
is better than just setting the default to a better email program.
It is a constant pain to clean all these machines just because of
the attachments, so many people are too dumb to not open.
Always great to see the Humor letter come in.
Have a truly wonderful day.
Jerome
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Thursday, May 10, 2007
======================================
“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war
demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as
you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”
--- Mother Teresa
You can't really fight for peace, but we intend to make sure
that from now on the inevitable hostilities take place on
their turf, and not on ours.
--- G.W. Bush
=======================================
"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I
couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife,
"Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore,"
protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,"
Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung,
and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"Where is what ?", Scott answered.
"My ball! My golf ball!"
"Oh, I don't know. I was watching that cute lady over there.
Her ball went into the water."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount
of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor
noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections
manager left a voice-mail for them saying,
"We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect
phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo of Ballstonspa, New York
Bats in the attic
May 3, 2007 - Ballstonspa, New York - AP
An upstate New York couple didn't think a few bats in the
attic were much of a problem when they were buying a
house last summer.
Months later, they found out how wrong they were when they
discovered more than a ton and a half of bat droppings up
there.
Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo say a home inspector informed
them about the bats. They called an exterminator, who told them
to wait a while before removing the bats because the babies
were too young to fly.
Then they forgot about the bats until they smelled a foul
odor in January. When they checked the attic, they found
dead bats and piles of guano.
An exterminator says hundreds of bats had been living in
the attic, leaving behind 3,500 pounds of droppings.
It cost $25,000 to clean up the mess, and the couple's
insurance company wouldn't cover it.
------------------
Why should the insurance company cover a pre-existing
condition? That's just as hilarious as an "exterminator" who
is concerned about pests, which he is paid to exterminate,
not being able to fly away.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her neighborhood
shrouded in forest fire smoke.
===========================================
Three pastors from different congregations were having
lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other
out with their different fellowships.
After several minutes of animated conversation, the first
one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem
at our church that I want to discuss with you guys."
The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats.
We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The
singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start
flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can
still hear them moving around up there and it's really
hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to
cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way
of a good church service."
The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because
we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our
belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours,
spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of
exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He
throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head.
The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly.
"Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago,
and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two
pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on,
"It was easy. We went up there, got to know 'em a little
bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate
to them. Haven't seen 'em since."
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier and
she asked him what three things he worried him most.
He answered:
"Osama, Obama, and Yo Mama."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Don Camillo
Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify
Bonjour support@webby.com,
Could you tell me if I should remove the following:
"SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify"
I use Search & Destroy and the program asks me to
remove that item....
Thank you for your help.
Don Camillo
Dear Don
Don't worry about that. It's just a Windows bug about
Windows getting into a snit when you use a better fire wall
than the Windows fire wall.
Just ignore that.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Re yesterday's Kudo
From Donovan:
Dear Webby
For what it's worth, the service in Illinois is great but it's not
unique. We have a similar one in Medicine Hat. The only
difference is that they send two people instead of a tow truck.
One drives you home in your car and the other one follows and
picks up the driver.
Donovan
Deeli's Kudos
May 6, 2007 - New York, New York - AP
Alexander Loucopoulos wasn't afraid he would drop the ring
when he proposed to his girlfriend, but he did have another
fear.
"I was afraid the ring would float really far away," said
Loucopoulos, 32, of New York City.
When he proposed Saturday to Graciela Asturias, a 27-year-old
space enthusiast, they were on a 90-minute zero-gravity
flight aboard a Boeing 727.
"I asked if she'd marry me, and then the ring just floated in
front of her as we floated in zero gravity," he said.
She said yes.
"I was so surprised," said Asturias. "I'm in total shock."
The trip cost $3,500 each and was organized by Space
Adventures of Virginia, which also arranged for Charles
Simonyi's $20-million flight to space in April. Loucopoulos
works as a banker in private equity and Asturias is an architect.
"I would like our 10-year anniversary to be in orbit,"
Loucopoulos said.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comNice Round Pancakes
Tired of misshapen pancakes? Use a meat baster
(like a turkey baster) to squeeze pancake batter onto the
hot griddle. You will get nice round pancakes. This can
also allow you to make shapes, like bunny ears.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life.
"So, John, how's it going with the ladies?"
"Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects."
"Really?"
"Yep," John shook his head sadly,
"Whenever I mention sex, they object."
=============================================

========================================
Advice to aspiring newsletter writers:
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary;
it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalise.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And the last one...
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
======================================
"You can never tell what type of impact you may make on
another’s life by your actions or lack of action. Sometimes
just with a smile on the street to a passing stranger can
make a difference we could never imagine."
— Ed Foreman
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope
that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could
say, "I used everything you gave me."
--- Erma Bombeck
=======================================
A recent study was made to find out what days men prefer
to have intimate relations with their wives. It was found
that most men preferred to engage in these matrimonial
activities on the days that started with "T."
Examples of those days are:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday and Thunday!
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his
favorite hat.
Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to
church and steal one out of the vestibule.
When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door
and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to
the entire sermon on "The Ten Commandments."
After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule
doorway, shook his hand vigorously, and told him "I want
to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to
church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on
the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."
Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal'
changed your mind?"
Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you
said that I remember where I left my hat!"
===========================================

===========================================
Re yesterday's Bonehead Award: Apparently the missing
pants had been found the next day, two years ago, but judge
Roy Pearson still wants to go ahead with the $67 million lawsuit.
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Eugenio Anthony Colon from Chehalis, Washington
Dumb place for a stash!
May 3, 2007 - Chehalis, Washington - AP
A 35-year-old Onalaska man picked the wrong place and the
wrong time to hide a container with marijuana in it.
Lewis County sheriff's detectives in Chehalis say they
arrested Eugenio Anthony Colon today at 11:25 a.m. after
he was seen by detectives hiding the container under a bush
in front of their office window.
Colon was charged with possession of marijuana under
40 grams.
He was arriving at the Lewis County Courthouse for a court
matter. Much to his surprise, he was confronted by detectives
in the courtroom while he was waiting his court appearance.
Colon admitted to hiding the marijuana and told detectives
he had no idea he could be seen by them.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Joan for sending this picture by her shy friend in
Florence, Oregon:
Columbine
===========================================
A lady picked up several items at a discount
store. When she finally got up to the checker,
she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on
the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear:
PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE.
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word Tampax for THUMBTACKS.
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.
DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB
OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
How many members of your sign does it take to change a light
bulb?
ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it?
TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-
out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep
discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to
be done!
CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to
help them through the grieving process.
LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their
agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're
out.
VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one
millionth.
LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make
that two. Is that okay with you?
SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only
with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient
Hierarchical Order.
SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a
stupid burned-out light bulb?
CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is
energy, so....
PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Patti
Re: Getting rid of OE
Dear Webby
"Control Panel/Add/Remove" - and there in lies my problem.
There is no Outlook Depress listed - yet, when I go to a
website, say Sears, and try to contact them, the email
automatically starts in the blasted OD program. Then I
have to copy Sears address and paste in the email program
I do use.
Having fun, until OD pops up,
Patti
Dear Patti
I can't look it up on my machine, because here getting rid
of OD is a to be checkmarked part of the set-up routine.
All machines here are clean.
Have a look at C:\Program Files
I have an empty Outlook Express folder there. Most likely
I dumped the contents on Setup Day.
Microsoft requires all programs written by anybody else to
jump through a certain number of hoops before they are
allowed to put the Windows flag on the box and claim that
they are Windows compatible. One of those hoops is a
clean un-install via "Control Panel/Add/Remove".
In typical Microsoft fashion, that hoop does not apply for
some of their own stuff.
However, I found a secret back door for dumping OE:
To remove Outlook Express 6.0 from Windows XP:
a. Click Start, click Run, type appwiz.cpl, and then click OK.
b. In Add or Remove Programs,
click Add/Remove Windows Components.
c. In the Components list, click to clear the Outlook Express
check box, and then click Next. Outlook Express will be
removed from the computer.
Hope that will work!
If it doesn't, clean out the OE folder in C:\Program Files
What are you using for your mail program?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 6, 2007 - Naperville, Illinois - AP
This new taxi service doesn't come cheap, but it may be a
bargain compared with the price of a drunk-driving arrest.
Smith Cos. plans to launch a towing taxi service this week
in Naperville, a suburb of Chicago. It will allow intoxicated
drinkers to call for a ride home in a tow truck that will
also haul their cars.
For an unscheduled pickup, the fee will be $85, plus $2
per mile, or 1.6 kilometres. If someone has a hunch that
they are going to over-indulge, reservations are available
for $65, plus the towing fee.
Smith vice-president Frank Sheppard says he believes the
service is unique. "There are a lot of businessmen and
women, and we feel it's the best place, suburb-wise, to do
this," he said.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comBaking Soda and Dawn For Clothing Stains
A great way to remove clothing stains is to mix baking soda
and dish soap (Dawn) into a paste. Brush it into the stain
and let sit, depending on the severity of stain. Leave the
paste in and wash clothes as usual, works great. By Shirley

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Women should not have children after 35.
Really...35 children are quite enough
=============================================

========================================
A woman in our diet club was lamenting that
she had gained weight. She'd made her family's
favorite cake over the weekend, she reported,
and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.
Her husband teased her and said she would
never be able to stay away from the other half
until dinner the next night.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for
herself. One slice led to another, and soon
the whole cake was gone. The woman went
on to tell us how upset she was with her lack
of willpower, and how she knew her husband
would rub it in.
Everyone commiserated, until someone asked
what her husband said when he found out.
She smiled. "He never found out. I made
another cake and ate half!"
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
======================================
"Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that
damage morale, and undermine the military, are saboteurs
and should be arrested, exiled or hanged."
--- President Abraham Lincoln
Why not all three? Iraq has good gallows technology
and plenty of gallows.
=======================================
One ugly frog
An older lady was somewhat lonely, and decided that she
needed a pet to keep sorry."
So off to the pet shop she went.
Forlornly, she searched. Nothing seemed to catch her
interest, except this
one ugly frog. As she walked by the barrel he was in, he
looked up and
winked at her! He whispered, "I'm lonely too, buy me and you
won't be sorry."
The old lady figured, what the heck, as she hadn't found
anything else.
So, she bought the frog and went to her car.
Driving down the road the frog whispered to her, "Kiss me,
you won't be sorry."
So, the old lady figured what the heck, and kissed
the frog.
Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous,
sexy, handsome, young prince.
Then the prince kissed her back, and you know what the old
lady turned into?
Come on, guess...
The first motel she could find
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with
the masterpieces at the Louvre.
"We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States
too," he declared.
"I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred
pictures in his lifetime, and America has over ten thousand
of them."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Judge Roy Pearson, Washington, DC
Nuttiest Judge in history
May 2, 2007 - Washington D.C. - ABC News
Is somebody getting taken to the cleaners?
A $10 dry cleaning bill for a pair of trousers has ballooned into
a $67 million civil lawsuit.
Plaintiff Roy Pearson, a judge in Washington, D.C., says in
court papers that he's been through the wringer over a lost
pair of prized pants he wanted to wear on his first day on
the bench. He says in court papers that he has endured
"mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort."
He says he was unable to wear that favorite suit on his
first day of work. He's suing for 10 years of weekend car
rentals so he can transport his dry cleaning to another store.
Pearson did not return numerous calls from ABC News for
comment.
"People in America are now scared of each other," legal
expert Philip Howard told ABC News' Law & Justice Unit.
"That's why teachers won't put an arm around a crying child,
and doctors order unnecessary tests, and ministers won't
meet with parishioners. It's a distrust of justice and it's
changing our culture."
The civil trial, set for June, has the scope of a John Grisham
courtroom thriller and the societal importance of a traffic
ticket.
Pearson plans to call 63 witnesses.
Defending themselves against the suit -- for two years
running -- are Korean immigrants Jin and Soo Chung and
their son, who own Custom Cleaners and two other dry
cleaning shops in the Fort Lincoln section of Washington, D.C.
For $67 million Pearson could buy 84,115 new pairs of pants
at the $800 value he placed on the missing trousers in court
documents, or about 3.35 Million of the $20 pants usually
worn under justice's robes.
Seems to me that it was rather irresponsible to appoint
Pearson to the bench instead of to the funny farm.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for this picture
from today's bonus link site.
Caution, there are 119 pages on that link!
===========================================
It was mealtime during a flight on a small airline in the
Northwest. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked
the man seated in front of me.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
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===========================================
I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me
struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that
his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief
power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead.
"Ah," he sighed that must he her checking out now."
===========================================
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Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ann
Re: Mailing links
Dear Webby
Can you tell how to send links that I receive without having
to retype the address? If I forward the link it doesn't work
and if I copy and paste the link still doesn't work.
I have tried to save it but that won't work either?
Help.....Ann
Dear Ann
I have no idea what mail program you use.
In Eudora I simply type the URL, like for example:
http://posty.net/spindrifter/
and it automatically turns into a link.
I can also type a site title like
Anns pages
and then click on the link icon and put the URL into the
little input field that pops up. Then it looks like this
Ann's Pages
The link icon looks like a chain with 3 chain links.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 4, 2007 - Madaba, Jordon - AP
A cat in Madaba, Jordan has taken her maternal instincts
to another level. The cat has allowed a group of newborn
chicks to live with her and her four kittens in a cardboard
box.
It appears the cat has even begun to treat the chicks as
her own offspring, carefully carrying them in her jaws when
they stray too far from the 'nest'.
Madaba is around 19 miles south of Amman, Jordan.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comIce Cream Cone Tip
To prevent ice cream from dripping through the bottom of
a classic triangular cone, put a miniature marshmallow in
the bottom of a waffle or sugar cone. This acts as a
stopper and is a delicious bonus.
A raisin works too.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated
on by his son Morris, the surgeon.
The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens
to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
=============================================

========================================
Thanks to Erik for this story:
Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment.
Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and
so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife
move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor.
We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and
around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where
they belonged.
Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three
flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not
go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out
into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't
fit.
Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck
up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed
the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in
through the sliding doors into the living room. We all cool-
lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that
we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart-
ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to
figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It
will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!"
As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better
about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at
work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited
eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally,
after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you
get everything moved OK?"
"Sure," he replied.
"Did you run into any problems?"
"No."
"Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside
of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get
it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!"
Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said
"Geez, you idiots, the legs unscrew!"
========================================

I will give this link a permanent spot in the side menu.
========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Monday, May 7, 2007
======================================
Other people's opinion of you
does not have to become your reality.
--- Les Brown
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that
man can never learn anything from history.
--- George Bernard Shaw
=======================================
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her
swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the
back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to
both of them since their relationship had been purely
platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk
together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where
certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the
problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German
Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for
their annual intelligence test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," he replies.
The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three
times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that?"
"Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Antonio Moreno, 31, Los Angeles, California
Bad habit
May 1, 2007 - Los Angeles, California - AP
Whenever Antonio Moreno wanted to see his girlfriend, police
say, he'd jump in a car and drive right over.
But there was a problem. The 26 cars Moreno jumped into all
belonged to someone else, according to authorities who
arrested the 31-year-old near his Inglewood home on
Wednesday. They said he was behind the wheel of a 1987
Toyota Camry when they found him.
Since January, police said, Moreno had been stealing Toyota
Camrys and Nissan Sentras by using a simple device that
starts Japanese cars of a certain age. Acting on a tip,
members of a regional auto-theft task force took him into
custody.
Some cars were stolen in Inglewood and abandoned in Santa
Barbara, police said, while others were taken from Santa Barbara.
He was "stealing vehicles as transportation to pursue their
relationship," according to a statement from Lt. Paul McCaffrey,
a Santa Barbara Police Department spokesman.
He didn't have a driver's license or car of his own, police said.
Moreno was jailed in Los Angeles for investigation of auto
theft and was to be transferred to Santa Barbara to face
charges, police said. It wasn't immediately clear whether
Moreno had an attorney.
His girlfriend, who was not arrested, told authorities she
had been trying to dump him.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Cheryl for this picture:
===========================================
It was a cool spring day. An old man walked out onto a still
frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line,
and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an
hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out
onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The
young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he
hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to
plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in
another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the
old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here
for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here
only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen
fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf ro reep ra rrorms rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spit the bait into his hand and said,
"You have to keep the worms warm!"
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
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===========================================
It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic
activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities.
In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex,
they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: David
Re: Vista SP2
Dear Webby
When will Microsoft come out with an SP1 bug fix for Vista?
Is it worth putting up with the problems in the meantime?
David
Dear David
There might not be an SP1 for Vista. I am sur that Microsoft
is aware of the total lack of enthusiasm for Vista. Instead of
Vista SP1 they came out with a Vista Dual Boot, that allows
you to boot into XP for work and to get around Vista problems.
"Need to scan something? Just reboot into XP!"
Yeah, right.
I get the hint.
Just reboot into XP and stay there until Tamara comes along.
In the meantime independent programmers are releasing tiny
and efficient utilities for XP that do all the cutesy stuff
that Vista claims they set it apart from XP.
Some, like Launchy, are actually quite useful and seem to go
some way beyond what Vista has.
You can download it free from http://www.launchy.net/
I would not be in the least bit surprised if some programmers
released an XP SP2.5 utilities package that adds all the
cutesy stuff from Vista to XP, but without the Vista problems.
And I would be very surprised if Vista SP1 comes out before
XP SP2.5
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 4, 2007 - Redmond, Washington - Happy News
Author, teacher, speaker—sounds like a well-accomplished
older adult. Guess again. Those are just some of the titles
that describe 9-year older Adora Svitak. Despite her age,
Adora has done and seen more than most people,
regardless of their years.
She travels around the world to other schools to inspire and
encourage other students to become better readers and writers.
At an age where most children are having sleepovers with
friends and watching television, Adora is focusing on promoting
worldwide literacy, among other things.
"I believe it's never to early to learn," said Adora, who has
made many presentations in different regions, including
New York, Florida and London. "I like to inspire my audience
to read and write."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comSorting Dirty Clothing
Put a cardboard divider in your clothes hamper, one side
for whites and one for darks. When your family puts clothes
in, they will already be sorted. Towels and sheets can also
go on the white side. This has worked very well in my
household for several years. By Hazel

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when
a beautiful girl enters the room.
=============================================

========================================
After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas
sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right,
ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor.
"If you could have ten minutes alone, right now,
with anyone in the world, who would it be?"
Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row.
"My recruiter."
========================================

I will give this link a permanent spot in the side menu.
========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Sunday, May 6, 2007
======================================
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.
--- Rita Rudner
Might we not say to the confused voices which sometimes
arise from the depths of our being: "Ladies, be so kind as
to speak only four at a time?"
--- Madame Swetchine
=======================================
Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street,
when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi.
The street was too narrow for the two to pass.
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily:
. . . "I never make way for fools "
Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . .
"I always do."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack
of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts
smoking it.
The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't
smoke in here."
The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb
that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?"
And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also
sell condoms here."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Cho Pui-kee, 77 and a Darwin Award goes to
Chan Nui-oi, 73, both of Hongkong, China
Deadly games
April 24, 2007 - Hong Kong - South China Morning Post
An elderly Hong Kong man was jailed today after he was
found guilty of killing his wife of 48 years in a row over
whose turn it was to use the toilet.
In June last year, Cho Pui-kee, 77, allegedly strangled
his wife, 73-year-old Chan Nui-oi after she would not let
him use the toilet.
Her body was found rolled up in a quilt after two of the
couple's six children became concerned and called the
couple at their flat.
Yesterday Cho was cleared of murder but found guilty of
manslaughter and jailed for five years.
The court was told Cho became increasingly frustrated at
his wife's habit of using the bathroom to wash clothes when
he wanted to use the toilet in their high-rise Hong Kong
apartment.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Bok Choy Toys
===========================================
Why can't Italians skateboard?
They get wop sided:
When they talk, the flailing arms knock them off balance.
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church
to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who
had been very ill with the flu.
The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been
attending another church down the road. So the pastor
asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the
road to come by to pray with your mom?"
The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take
the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Frank
Re: Autoresponders
Webby,
I've attempted to search Eudora's email help section to no avail.
Question:
Is there a way to place an absence or out of office message
on Eudora?
I would like friends to know I'm gone and not sick or dead.
Keep up your dedicated work of keeping the world smiling
and a little more knowledgeable about computers. It is a
never ending job.
Thank you
Frank
Dear Frank
I just made another filter to filter all mail from another
auto-nuisance into the trash, unread.
You do NOT need to spend 24 hours sitting at the computer
and instantly answer every mail, and nobody expects that.
People know that you have to do shopping, laundry, chase
women, even if it is only downhill, go on vacation, or whatever.
I don't know ANYBODY who likes getting some stupid
Autoresponder, except maybe a few WebTVers, who never
know if their mail went out or not.
It's even worse with subscriptions. If your silly Autoresponder
whines back at the program that send your subscription,
you get unsubscribed just like your mail had bounced back
from an abandoned address.
The only Autoresponders that are not considered a nuisance
are those that have real information, like weather or road
reports. All other Autoresponders are bad news and will just
get people annoyed at you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
April 23, 2007 - Lima, Peru - AP
Peru's ''miracle baby'' walked around her nursery yard
Friday, ducking in and out of a plastic playhouse seven
months after undergoing an operation to fully separate her
fused legs.
Milagros Cerron, whose first name means ''miracles'' in
Spanish, was born with a rare congenital defect known as
sirenomelia, or ''mermaid syndrome,'' which left her legs
connected from her heels to her groin.
Dr. Luis Rubio, head of the medical team that separated
Milagros' legs, invited reporters to see her progress on
Friday. He said doctors have successfully reconstructed
the child's hips, knees and ankles and that she is
''doing well physically.''
Milagros, who turns 3 years old next week, now takes ballet
classes and runs around the playground with her classmates.
Rubio has said Tiffany Yorks, a 17-year-old American, is the
only other person known to have undergone successful
surgery to correct the rare congenital defect, which occurs
in one out of every 70,000 births and is almost always fatal
within days of birth.
Milagros' family comes from a poor village in the Andes
mountains but Lima's municipal government has agreed to
pay for her medical care.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCleaning Bugs Off A Car
Sprinkle baking soda on a moist sponge and use it to scrub
bugs or tree sap off your car. It's easy, inexpensive, and it
won't scratch the finish! This is also easy on the environment.
By Dyann

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment
to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
=============================================

========================================
A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian
family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ".
"No,no, I mean are you lost ?"
"No, I've been here thirty years."
"I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?"
"When is it ?"
"It could be today or tomorrow ".
"Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know .
My wife will probably want to go both days !"
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Saturday, May 5, 2007
======================================
As a city prosecutor said during closing arguments that
Paris Hilton deserved jail time, Hilton's mother, Kathy,
laughed. When the judge ruled and sentenced paris Hilton
to ordinary jail time, no soft $87 a day VIP jail, but regular
county jail like any common crook, Kathy Hilton then blurted
out: "May I have your autograph?"
I bet that made THAT judges day!
=======================================
Two country doctors out in the hills of West
Virginia were discussing the population
explosion in the world.
One physician says, "Why, Bubba, thiseyer
crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad that
perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for
ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room
only on this here planet!"
The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure
oughta slow 'em down a bit!"
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
The other day, during a service call, I was in a house that
seemed to have more than it's share of cats and birds.
At one time I counted a total of 30 eyes and 44 feet.
Assuming that all birds had 2 eyes and 2 feet, and all cats
had 2 eyes and 4 feet, how many cats and birds did I count ?
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Vassil Ivanov, 37, from Stara Zagora, Bulgaria
Not ready for responsibility
April 30, 2007 - Stara Zagora, Bulgaria - Ananova
An escaped convict turned up at his old prison and asked to
be let back in because he was missing his mates.
Bulgarian thief Vassil Ivanov, 37, had been on the run since
disappearing during an Easter break at home in 2005.
He said: "I couldn't stand it any more. I had been inside
for nine years and I just couldn't get used to life on the
outside again. I missed my pals here and I was miserable
being a free man."
Wardens at the Stara Zagora prison in Bulgaria immediately
took Ivanov back into the prison where he will serve the
remaining two years of his 11 year sentence, and is likely to
serve extra time for escaping.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Kevin for this picture:
My son and his dog checking out the goldfish in the pond…
Kevin
===========================================
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style...
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident...
If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...
If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a new theory...
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake......
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "@#$# SCREWUP!"
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
John was grocery shopping with Jill, and he tossed a
bag of chips into the cart. "You don't need those!"
Jill chided.
"What about those twenty chocolate bars you have in
there?" John asked.
"IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!" scremed Jill.
"Oh, OK. Are you sure twenty will be enough?" asked John.
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Tammy
Re: Pop Up Blocker
Dear Webby
Hi there, once again I want to thank you for the humor daily,
its a highlight of my lunch hour at work.... now I need to ask
a question, I turned off my pop up blocker so I could fill out a
online application, now I get pop ups and can't figure out how
to turn the blocker back on.
Please help, thanks so much,
Tammy
Dear Tammy
Click on TOOLS
Intenet Options
Privacy
and there it is at the bottom.
You can bypass the PopUp Blocker by holding down the
CTRL key when you click on a link.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 2, 2007 - College Station, Texas - AP
Texas A&M University scientists showed off to state and
federal officials Tuesday a genetically engineered crop
of sorghum they believe will be a more efficient and
economical option to corn in drier parts of the country
as the nation pushes for alternative energy sources.
Sorghum, which as a plant resembles stalks of corn, is a
centuries-old grain common around the world but used
more in the United States as a lovestock feed. At Texas
A&M, researchers have been working over the past several
years to extend its growing season, allowing it to double
its height to more than 15 feet, thicken its stalk and be
even more drought tolerant.
The genetic changes make it ideal to raise in the South
and Southeast where the growing season already is longer
than in northern sections of the country. The climate also
makes it more suitable than growing corn, which has emerged
as a biofuel alternative used in ethanol production,
particularly in the Midwest.
The cellulose from one version of the sorghum and sugar
from another version similarly can be processed for fuel.
Researchers said energy yields could top those from corn
and at a more reasonable cost, making it an economic
windfall for farmers.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comJars for Drinking Glasses
After pricing drinking glasses in the store, I bought a case
of a dozen pint canning jars for about 1/3 the cost. I enjoy
the "country" look, and can use the jars next fall to can.
You can sometimes find these at garage sales. By Sandra

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Three ministers a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Southern
Baptist and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came
up and swamped the ship.
They all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing
before St. Peter.
First in line was the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter
shook his head sadly and said, "I can't let you in. You were
moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved
it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
St. Peter waved sadly, and poof! Down the chute to the
'Other Place' they went.
Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in either,"
said Saint Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing
and cards, but you loved food too much. You loved food so
much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
Sadly, St. Peter waved again, and whang! Down the chute
went the Methodists.
The Southern Baptist turned to his wife and whispered
nervously, "It doesn't look good, Fanny."
=============================================

========================================
Thanks to BP for this one:
My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but
it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very
next boat.
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby
PS.
There were 7 cats and 8 birds

Good Morning, !
Friday, May 4, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================
"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them."
--- Galileo
=======================================
Thanks to Cookie for this report:
"Pointers!"
Jim was having reasonable success playing the stock market
when George expressed a desire to give it a try. Jim advised
him on what stocks to buy, what to stay clear of, etc.
In his list of "pointers" was the fact that George should
invest only small sums. But George threw caution to the
winds and six months later sent an email to
Jim....
"So much for your darn "pointers!
Now send me some "retrievers!"
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and Anni, his
hostess, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor
was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
Anni asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody
who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple
question which everyone should answer with no trouble.
If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?" Anni questioned.
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
Anni thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?
I must confess I don't know much about history."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a man in Clyman, Wisconsin
Wrong dancer
April 24, 2007 - Clyman, Wisconsin - AP
A Wisconsin man used his cell phone to call 911 after
paying the wrong woman for a lap dance.
According to the Dodge County Sheriff's Department log,
the man called the emergency number early Saturday after
he gave $20 to a woman at a Clyman, Wis. club. The
woman did not work at the club and left with his money.
Failing to get a lap dance, the man called the sheriff's
department. Officers are trying to locate the woman.
------------------------------------------
The man must have been some big-shot local politician.
Anybody else would probably have been fined for abusing
the 911 emergency number.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Barry Mason for sending this picture:
In case you were wondering....
What a nappy headed hoe looks like
===========================================
Terri and Buzz, a retired couple from New York City,
living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to
dinner. Terri says, "Buzz, darling, do you
want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?"
Buzz says, "Do I care?"
A few minutes later Terri says, "Buzz, should I wear
my Cartier watch or my Rolex?"
Buzz says, "Who cares?"
A few more minutes pass and Terri says, "Buzz, love,
shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my
six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?"
Buzz says, "Terri, I really don't care what you wear,
but if you don't move your butt , we're going to miss
the Early Bird Special at McDonalds.
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
Did you know that Elvis was an especially colorful character?
He was a redneck who stole the blues from the blacks and
sold it to the whites.
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sandie
Re: Response Challenge
Dear Webby
What IS a Response Challenge ?
Sandie
Dear Sandie
A Response Challenge is when, after sending a mail to
somebody, instead of an answer, you get soime silly
auto-responder and are expected to prove tat you are
human by punching in some hard to read numbers.
It's OK to have that challenge as part of an order form,
but definitely not OK with email. Like me, a lot of people
filter that kind of crap into the trash, unread, just like
any auto-responder.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
May 2, 2007 - Lewiston, Maine - AP
On April 11, 1951, sailor Val Gregoire, 18, was hit over the
head while on shore leave in Boston. When he came to, his
wallet — and his pants — were gone.
Gregoire's widow and five children were familiar with the
story, which became part of family legend. But now they have
proof. The wallet was discovered by a demolition worker
at Boston's Paramount Theatre — 56 years to the day
Gregoire lost it.
''I was stunned,'' said Jeannette Gregoire, 75, of Lewiston,
who got a call from Kathy Bagen, the worker's wife.
''How could this have survived?''
Richard Bagen of East Weymouth, Mass., was tearing down a
wall when the wallet spilled out, his wife said.
There was no money in the wallet, but it contained Val's
Navy ID, a copy of his Augusta birth certificate and more
than a dozen photos. An Armed Forces Liberty Pass was
dated ''April 11, 1951,'' the same month and day Richard
Bagen made his discovery.
''The date was what freaked me out,'' Kathy Bagen told the
Sun Journal of Lewiston. ''Maybe it was meant to be found.''
She managed to track down Jeannette Gregoire and mailed
the wallet to her.
The wallet contained several pictures of Val, his mom, friends
and a laminated photo of Jeannette, then his best girl.
The couple eventually married and was six months shy of
their 50th wedding anniversary in 2003 when Val died
following complications from a kidney transplant.
He was a retired firefighter in Lewiston.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comHow Much Work Does It Cost?
Before buying a big ticket item or anything that you might
not need, calculate how many hours it will take you to earn
the money to buy the item. It helps me put the cost of
purchases in perspective. By Beth

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
There was an old lady named May,
Took a stroll in the park by the bay.
She met a young man,
Who loved her and ran.
Now she goes to the park everyday.
=============================================

========================================
A couple of Torontonians had just closed down their store on
busy Yonge Street and were standing in the middle of their empty
shop when one said to the other, "I'll bet you ten bucks that if
we wait here a few minutes, some Newfie is going to come by,
peer through the window, and come in and ask us what we're
selling."
Sure enough, just as he finished speaking, a Newfie stuck his
face up to the window, looked around at the empty shelves
and then walked over and asked, "How's she goin, b'y. I was
just wonderin' what you fellas was sellin'??"
One of the Torontians grinned at the other and replied, "We're
selling idiots, friend",
To this the Newfie responded, "Well, ya must be doin' some
good business 'cause dere's only two o' ya left."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Thursday, May 3, 2007
======================================
Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.
— John F. Kennedy
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgment.
--- Socratex
=======================================
Food for thought...
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass
by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as
part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend
because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect
chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream
lover again.
The candidate who was hired! (out of 200 applicants) had no
trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually
use it sometime for an interview situation.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend,
and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind
and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
There was this city doctor who started a practice
in the countryside.
He once had to go to a farm to attend to a
sick farmer who lived there.
After a few housecalls he stopped coming to
the farm.
The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to
ask whats the matter, didn't he like him
or somethin'.
The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at
the entrance... Every time I enter the
farm, they call me a quack!"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to an irresponsible cat owner in Chongqing City
Dangerous Cat
April 30, 2007 - Chongquing City, China - Ananova
A Chinese woman knocked out by a cat falling from a block
of flats is to sue 200 residents because none will admit
responsibility.
Tang Meirong, 53, of Chongqing city, was sent to hospital
after being hit by the cat, reports Chongqing Business News.
"I was walking on the footpath under the building, and
suddenly a heavy object hit my head. I remember nothing
afterwards," she said.
After regaining consciousness, Tang called police but the
building manager told officers it would be very difficult to
identify the cat owner.
Tang says she will sue all 200 residents whose flats face
the street if none of them come forward to take
responsibility.
The cat was killed by the fall, or dead when it was thrown
out a window.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Susan for sending this picture:
Dear Webby,
I thought you might like to see a different kind of animal.
I watched this little guy walk across a road near me and
start to climb into the tree. We have a holiday house on
Raymond Island in the Gippsland Lakes, Victoria, Australia.
There is a large population of Koala's living on the island
and they are quite friendly and roam around near the housing
estate as well as in the bush further out on the island.
I still wouldn't try patting them, as much as they look so cute,
they have those long claws for climbing and protecting
themselves.
Susan
===========================================
An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice.
They didn't get up to leave until the theater was ready to
close for the night.
"You folks must've enjoyed the show," the usher said.
"Disgusting," said the old lady.
"It was revolting," her husband added.
"Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks.
"We had to wait until you turned up the house lights,"
the old lady replied.
"We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!"
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend.
"My priest knows more than your rabbi."
"Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell
him everything."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dietmar
Re: Response Challenge
Dear Webby
Is it true that the Zone Alarm Response Challenge contains
a virus that opens a back door? Since I used it to cut down
on spam, my business nose dived and even friends won't
send email to me any more.
What do you recommend?
Dietmar
Dear Dietmar
Not ALL Zone Alarm Response Challenges contain trojans,
only the fake ones. Unless you have just sent a letter to
somebody with that silly nuisance on their machine, dump
it without clicking on anything!
I would recommend that you get rid of that as fast as
possible. Anybody, who has been infected by any fake
response challenge, will automatically assume that yours
is fake too.
Considering that that particular response challenge
frequently malfunctions, that makes it look even more
suspicious. People can't tell if yours has a routine
malfunction, or if it is a fake one, and so they assume
the worst.
My MailWasher filters all response challenges into the trash,
unread, and blacklist that address. That is the only safe
way to deal with that nuisance.
As you noticed, I did not waste my time answering by email,
since I would never see your response challenge anyway,
and you would never get my answer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
April 30, 2007 - Sydney, Australia - AP
A blind British adventurer touched down in Sydney Monday to
end an epic 13,500-mile flight by microlight aircraft from
London.
Miles Hilton-Barber braved snowstorms, freezing temperatures
and torrential downpours during his 54-day journey under the
supervision of sighted co-pilot Richard Meredith-Hardy.
''It's the fulfillment of an amazing dream,'' Hilton-Barber,
58, told reporters at Sydney's Bankstown airport.
''I've wanted to be a pilot since I was a kid. Now I'm
totally blind and I've had the privilege of flying more
than halfway around the world.''
Hilton-Barber, who lost his eyesight to a hereditary condition
about 20 years ago, is hoping the trip will raise $2 million
for the charity Seeing is Believing, which works for the
prevention of blindness in developing countries.
He took to the skies from Biggin Hill air base in south
London on March 7 in a microlight aircraft, which looks
like a cross between a tricycle and a motorized hang-glider,
with the aid of an audio device that reads out navigational
information such as air speed and altitude.
Hilton-Barber also has conquered Mount Kilimanjaro and
Mont Blanc, run marathons in the Sahara and Gobi deserts,
and even attempted to reach the South Pole, hauling a
sledge over 250 miles of Antarctic ice.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCheap Cleaner
For large cleaning projects, try TSP (TriSodiumPhospahte)
TSP used to be the main active ingredient in most detergents,
but got a bad name because it promoted underwater weed
growth in canals, rivers and lakes, into which improperly
treated sewage was dumped into. What was bad was not the
TSP, but Millions of people using a lot of it all year long.
It was simply too much of a good thing.
TSP is still a powerful phospate fertilizer, and your tomatoes
will love it, when you dump the used cleaning water near them.
You won't find TSP at the supermarket, where all the overpriced
and nicely packaged retail cleaners are. You can find it at
building and industrial paint suppliers, in the PAINT section.
Painters use it, after thinning it down with a lot of water,
to clean dirty walls before painting.
TSP is dirt cheap. At Canadian Tire for example, a gallon jug
of concentrate is CDN $4.95.
For cleaning previously painted stuff, use 40 parts of water to
one part TSP. For a really greasy stove vent hoods or car
engines, use one part water and one part TSP.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Two men were at the bar talking about marriage.
"I'm seriously thinking about tying the knot," said Jim.
His buddy, Bob told him, "You may wish to consider
contacting a local support group. With the divorce rate so
high in America, a new organization has been formed,
called, "Marriage Anonymous."
"Oh really?" Jim said, "What do they do?"
"Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over
a woman wearing a torn house-coat, with curlers in her hair
and cream on her face, and she nags at him until after
breakfast.".Bob replied.
"What do they do for women, who want to get married?" Jim
asked.
"I have been divorced five times, so they send me."
Bob replied.
=============================================

========================================
Little Johnny asked the librarian how to use the card catalog.
After pouring over the little drawers full of cards he
approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to
spell "tequila."
"T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian, and Little Johnny
went back to his search.
A short time later he came to the desk, looking quite upset.
"I just can't find it." he said.
"What book are you looking for?" the librarian asked.
"Tequila Mockingbird."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
======================================
"The dictionary is the only place where success comes before
work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success. You
can accomplish anything if you're willing to pay the price."
--- Vince Lombardi
=======================================
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and
off they went to a local theme park.What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming
Loop,the Wall of Fear, everything there was!
Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head
reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big
Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie - the latest epic, and hot dogs, popcorn,
PepsiCola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked,
"Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women,
met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy
farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and
had never seen such a thing.
The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which
whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched
out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely,
unpolluted countryside.
After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited
them to look him up should they have any questions. Myrtle,
after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped
into a building and viewed something she thought was quite
remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him - he
sauntered in.
"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient
tone: "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with
horns. Sometimes we keep' em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other
times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of
acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.
Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.
But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause
it's a horse."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to future politicians in India
Crooks even before they are elected
April 29, 2007 - Lucknow, India - AP
Six politicians awaiting trial on murder or abduction charges
in lawless northern Uttar Pradesh state have been using
cellphones to campaign for re-election from prison, police
said Sunday.
The politicians call their supporters who broadcast the
speeches live to rallies from their mobile phones, using a
microphone hooked up to a public address system,
police spokesman Surendra Srivastava said.
"It is not a hush-hush affair. The meetings are well
organized and at the stipulated time the leaders address
their supporters using mobiles," Srivastava said.
Indian law only bans people from serving in public office
if they have been convicted of an offence.
Among the imprisoned suspects campaigning by phone
is independent candidate Mukhtar Ansari, who is accused
of murdering a Hindu nationalist legislator, Srivastava said.
Others to use the tactic include Sujit Singh for the opposition
Bhartiya Samaj Party - also arrested on murder charges -
and Amarmani Tripathi, an independent candidate who is
suspected of killing his girlfriend.
---------------------------------
Can't be that lawless if they are already in jail!
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Joan in Arizona for sending this picture from
her friend Florence in Oregon
===========================================
A Swedish couple are applying for a marriage license. The
clerk asks the man his name and he replies, Yan Yohansenn.
The clerk asks the woman what her name is. She replies Yolanda
Yohansenn.
The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"? The woman blushes and says,
Yust vunce, ve couldn't vait.
===========================================

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===========================================
A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty
young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time
honored ice breaker, he sends her a drink.
"How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit
next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation.
Finally the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like
a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl.
I get two hundred dollars for what you think you'll ply out of
me with liquor."
He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you
were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I
go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break
furniture, and just plain destroy the place."
"Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked.
"Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied.
===========================================
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We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dorothy
Re: Larger pictures
Hi Webby!
I wonder if you could send a wallpaper size of the cat pic
and the one from the other day of the Rainbow across what
looks like a wet street? I would appreciate it if you could.
Thank you so much. Dorothy
Dear Dorothy
Those pictures had been sent to me in that size.
I can shrink them, but not make them larger without making
them coarse and ugly.
It's only with my own pictures, and those of my dad and very
few other people, who send them in large size, that I can
make custom sizes for different monitor resolutions.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
April 28, 2007 - Wolfeboro, New Hampshire - AP
A shoplifter would have to run pretty far to get away from
this 70-year-old clerk.
Judy Brenner sprinted about 100 feet to catch a teen she
thought stole liquor Thursday from the store where she works
in Wolfeboro.
Brenner, who ran the Boston Marathon this month, discovered
the teen had a half-gallon of whiskey under his jacket. She
and others who joined the chase helped detain him until
police arrived.
"He didn't run, but he walked faster, so I picked up my pace,"
Brenner said. "I wasn't going to let him go."
Brenner, of Brookfield, said she ran 14 marathons decades
ago and finished the Boston Marathon this month in just over
five hours, placing sixth among the women in her age bracket.
The suspect was charged with theft and unlawful possession
of alcohol by a minor.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comFreeze Pie Filling
Buy apples in quantity when they are on sale. Cut them up
and mix with your favorite apple pie recipe. Freeze them in
ziplock bags in pie size portions. When you want a pie just
dump the bag into a pie shell and bake!

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Sorry, this one was messed up yesterday!
A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you
say that tonight we change positions?"
His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight,
you do the dishes and the laundry and stand by the ironing
board for a couple of hours,
and I'll lay on the couch and fart."
=============================================

========================================
A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life
begins.
"Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life
starts when the heart begins to beat."
"We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe
life starts at the moment of conception."
"Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts
when the kids move out and the dog dies."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
======================================
Things that matter most must never be at the mercy
of things that matter least.
--- Goethe
=======================================
Thanks to Unc Wes for this report:
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOY MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes (Whether she tell you about them or not)
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Thanks to Kati for these Bob Hope's classics
Bob Hope May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003
ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".
ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your
birthday suit needs pressing."
ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the
candles cost more than the cake."
ON TURNING 100 " I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel
anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands
in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards
or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."
ON GOLF "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to
pay the green fees."
ON PRESIDENTS " I have performed for 12 presidents and
entertained only six."
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,
'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
"I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY "Four of us slept in the one bed.
When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS "That's how I learned to dance.
Waiting for the bathroom."
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES " I would not have had anything to eat
if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."
ON GOING TO HEAVEN "I've done benefits for ALL religions.
I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Dorset County Council's Trading Standards Idiot
Burocracy gone insane
April 30, 2007 - Weymouth, Dorset, UK - The Sun
A baker has been forced to rename her novelty Pig Tarts -
because they don't contain pork.
Val Temple has also been told her popular Paradise Slice
has to be reclassified as it does not come from paradise.
And her Robin Tarts have been given the thumbs down by
Trading Standards officers as they don't contain robins,
reports The Sun.
Val, 60, a baker for 30 years, must now rename them all
"novelty cakes" in case customers are "confused".
She said: "It's a joke and an insult to the public. Of course
my cakes don't contain pig, robin or come from paradise.
But what's next - Shepherd's Pie?"
Val makes Paradise Slice from a 120-year-old recipe using
almonds, sultanas and cherries at her Sgt Bun bakery in
Weymouth, Dorset.
She added: "I've been selling all these cakes for 16 years.
"My customers love them. This ruling is very sad, but not
entirely surprising in today's society."
Dorset County Council's Trading Standards said: "Food must
be properly described so consumers can tell what it is."
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk
about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor,
I think my wife is deaf because she never hears
me the first time and always asks me to repeat
things."
"Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight
stand about 15 feet from her and say something
to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close
and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get
an idea about the severity of her deafness."
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does
exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet
from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping
some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer
and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer.
Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind
her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey,
what's for dinner?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
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or playing off your computer.
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===========================================
The young secretary was describing her evening's exploits to
a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back
to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would
worry if I did anything like that."
"That was smart," her friend said, approvingly, "Then what
happened?"
"He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said.
"You didn't weaken your resolve did you?" asked the friend.
"Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured,
let HIS mother worry......"
===========================================
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Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carole
Re: Attachments
Dear Webby
Does the Humor Letter ever have attachments?
Do you have a virus or spyware?
Carole
Dear Carole
No, the Humor Letter never has attachments, never did
and never will. It is not sent from a Windows computer,
but from a SUN server running UNIX. Windows viruses
and spyware don't work on UNIX any more than a bicycle
works on the ocean.
If you saw an attachment with the Humor Letter, then either
your computer or the computer of your ISP is infected,
or else you got your mail program misconfigured so that it
shows mail with embedded pictures as if they were
attachments.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
April 30, 2007 - Grieskirchen, Austria - Ananova
An Austrian computer store owner caught two teenage thieves
after he put CCTV footage on You Tube.
Thomas Karer, 45, installed the video surveillance gear after
a spate of thefts at his store in Grieskirchen, Austria.
It allowed him to film the two teenagers stealing a $2,000
laptop from his store.
The video shows how one of the pair kept watch and covered
what his pal was doing as the second teenager slipped the
computer under his jacket.
People who saw the video online recognised the pair, told
Mr Karer who alerted the police.
The pair, who were asylum seekers from Georgia and Armenia,
were arrested in Linz.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comInspect Your Gutters
Spring is a good time of year to check your gutters. Nail any droopy
gutters back to the fascia. The next time you get a good rain, make sure
the gutters are draining correctly and that water is being chanelled 3
to 4 feet from your house.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you
say that tonight we change positions?"
His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight,
you do the dishes and the
n stand by the ironing board for a
couple of hours, and I'll lay on the couch and fart."
=============================================

========================================
The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Schwartzberg, a confirmed
bachelor for many years. "Mr. Schwartzberg, don't leave it
too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only
have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in
no time!" says the Matchmaker.
"Don't bother," replies Mr. Schwartzberg, "I've two sisters at
home who look after all my needs."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the
world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Monday, April 30, 2007
======================================
"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing
to do. The hard part is doing it."
--- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf
=======================================
Thanks to Kati for these winning excerpts from actual High
School writings:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this:
Leave it to the Japanese to figure out this one! It takes awhile
to load..be patient.
Have you ever wondered what makes the arrow cursor move around
the screen??? Click on the link , move your cursor and click the mouse
and stop sometimes too, and see what happens....and now you know
how your cursor works!!
How your cursor workshttp://www.1-click.jp/
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54 of Melbourne, Florida
Doc is a nuisance when drunk
April 24, 2007 - Melbourne, Florida - AP
A Brevard County doctor dressed up in a Captain America
outfit was arrested with a burrito in his tights. What he allegedly
did at the police station got him into more trouble.
Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54, would probably rather forget
about the weekend when he was arrested on charges of battery,
disorderly conduct, drug possession and trying to destroy evidence.
It's not what you would expect from a doctor or Captain America.
The Palm Bay family physician was at On Tap bar as part of a
pub-crawl with other medical professionals. It was a sort of costume
party on a bus that would take them around from bar to bar.
Police said Adamcik had a burrito stuffed below the waistband of his
costume and was asking women if they want to touch it. When one
refused, he allegedly took out the burrito and groped her.
The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in
their report "there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the
time, all Captain America's were asked to go outside for a possible
identification."
The woman pointed out Adamcik and the burrito was found in his boot.
He was taken to the police station. There, while in a holding cell, police
said, he asked to use the bathroom and tried to flush a joint,
also hidden in his blue tights, down the toilet. An officer
observed him try to flush something into the toilet. The officer
was able to reach inside and grab what he tried to flush.
The doctor wasn't in when Eyewitness News went by and didn't
return calls. He may now have to rely on a lawyer instead of his
superpowers to get him out of the jam.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
===========================================
Two women were paired together as partners in a club
tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.
After introductions, the first golfer asked,
"What's your handicap?"
"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed
that she was paired up with her.
"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the
bad ones!
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
An IRS man asks a farmer,
"How much is your prize bull worth?"
The farmer says,
"For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?"
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Goldy
Re: DSL with Vista
Hello Dear Webby,
I just ordered High Speed Intenet(DSL) from our phone company
and have received the new modem, etc. When I opened the
package I read that it will now be Vista and from everything I have
been reading in your Humor Letter I'm not so sure that I want it installed.
Will you please give me some advice. Of course, I now have dial up
service.
Thanks for the great advice and humor. Keep up the great work.
Thank you,
Goldy
Dear Goldy
Most likely they meant that it will be Vista capable,
not that you have to use Vista.
However, if they don't allow Windows XP,
send it back to them and tell them where to stuff it.
You can always get Earthlink DSL, probably for less money
and definitely much better service.
With Earthlink you can always chat with a rep, and I did just
that right now to confirm that they don't require Vista.
Pryce, one of their friendly reps, instant response was:
Pryce C:
Yes you are correct. When you use EarthLink DSL service,
there is no need for Windows vista. You can use ANY
operating system you like.
I have used Earthlink for about a dozen years,
and I can highly recommend them. With Earthlink you can
use your own domain based address, you don't have to advertise
for your ISP in your email address, like you have to with
less competent ISPs.
Check out http://www.earthlink.net/highspeed/
If you do sign up with them, you can use me as a referer.
My earthlink referrer address is
hmorsch2@earthlink.net
That is just the referrer address. With Earthlink I can use
any @webby.com address as my sender address.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
April 24, 2007 - Eastpointe, Michigan - AP
Norman O. Wheeler probably wishes he had finished that
cinnamon bun. DNA evidence from the partly eaten pastry
led to Wheeler's arrest in a 2004 car theft.
The 40-year-old Detroit resident already was serving time
for another auto theft when authorities made the DNA match.
Wheeler pleaded guilty earlier this month, and he now faces
sentencing May 22.
Eastpointe Officer Ed Lulko was investigating the car-theft
report when a witness described seeing a man arrive in one
car and then break out the windows of the other car and steal it,
according to police in the Detroit suburb.
''Officer Lulko found the partially eaten pastry in the car
and sent it to the Michigan State Police crime laboratory
with hopes that the DNA left on the roll could lead to the
identity of the perpetrator,'' Detective Eric Keiser told
The Macomb Daily of Mount Clemens.
As a convict, Wheeler's DNA was on file, leading to the
match and arrest.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comLess Sweeping and Vacuuming
Limit the wear and tear on your flooring and how frequently
you have to vacuum by not wearing shoes in your house.
It will cut down on the amount of dirt that winds up on your
floor dramatically.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
The workplace of the tomorrow will have two employees:
a man and a dog.
The man will be there to feed the dog
The dog is there to keep the man from touching the
computers.
=============================================

========================================
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee
break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife
was asleep when I got home, so I was able
to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy,
you're lucky. My wife was wide awake,
waiting for me in bed, and she started
swearing at me and giving me heck for
being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you
do?"
The second deaf man signed, "I turned out
the light!"
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Sunday, April 29, 2007
======================================
"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful.
If it's bad, it's experience."
--- Victoria Holt
=======================================
A ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.
"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.
The lady said, "Oh, I'm just worried sick!"
"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health. They are taking
care of you, aren't they?"
"Yes, they are taking very good care of me," said the old lady.
"Are you in any pain?" her friend asked.
"No, I have never had a pain in my life."
"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.
The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had
has already died and gone on to heaven.
I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
*Rules for Writers*
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Don't use no double negatives.
12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out.
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 47 year old man from Lakeland, Minnesota
Wet CD
April 24, 2007 - Hudson, Wisconsin - CBS
A Twin Cities man crashed his car into the St. Croix River
Sunday night after he was changing a CD in his dashboard
player. A broken fence and skid mark show where a 47-year-old
man from Lakeland, Minnesota started to drive down the
embankment toward the river from westbound Interstate 94.
The Wisconsin State Patrol said it didn't take long for the
man's car to begin filling with water. Eventually it was
submerged in four feet of the St. Croix River, up to the roof line.
The driver managed to free himself before water filled the
Chevy Malibu.
"The driver indicated to me that he was coming up the ramp,
changing his CD on his radio and lost control. He did go
down the embankment, he did end up in the water with his
vehicle," said Sgt. Brian Erickson of the Wisconsin State Patrol.
The driver swam less than 10 feet to shore and was wet,
but not hurt.
A tow truck and a diver had to haul the vehicle from the
St. Croix River. The driver was cited for inattentive driving.
The state trooper hopes the crash will remind people that
distracted driving, from using cell phones to changing CDs,
can cause a crash in an instant.
===========================================

Need some
unique April cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL

===========================================
Thanks to Martin for this picture:
FINALLY, after going through a virus attack, losing a hard drive,
fighting off hackers, upgrading all my software, installing fire-walls,
being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider, and a
host of other problems... I have fixed my computer...
and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to!
Martin
===========================================
One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a
man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop. While
there, a neighbour passed by in a row boat and shouted,
"Come with me I'll take you to higher ground."
The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord,
he will save me."
Two hours later as the water continued to rise another
neighbour passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to
higher ground.
Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will
save me."
Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to
the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard
helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder,
"Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he
heard them say.
Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord,
he will save me!"
Well no one else came and they met their fate. Standing
before God, the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith
was strong and unwavering and you let us drown!"
Looking at him God replied, "You dumb ass! I sent a boat,
a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me?
A cruise ship?"
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
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===========================================
Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night
before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening."
Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that."
"Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,'
and 'Don't!'"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Malcolm
Re: No XP
Dear Webby
No matter where I try, I can't seem to find XP computers
any more. I thought you mentioned that Dell gave in to
consumer demand and is selling XP again?
What happened?
Malcolm
Dear Malcolm
At Dell.ca you can select XP. Apparently Canada has closer
ties to India than the US has. Try calling them or chat with
Mujibar, their "personal product advisor" in new Dehli.
Keep in mind that with XP they are not getting the Vista
subsidy, and may be breaking commitments they have made
to Microsoft, and they are not cheerful about that. You will
have to be quite firm about telling them where to stuff Vista
and how, and really insist on XP. Remember, it's YOUR money,
and the goal is not making somebody in India happy, the goal
is getting the computer that you need.
The same applies to all the big name computer makers.
If you get too frustrated, check with a local computer fixer
about how much it would cost you to have new Vista machines
formatted and set up with XP. Get a firm quote in writing
and go for it!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
April 25, 2007 - Santa Cruz, California - AP
A peregrine falcon hatched from an egg plucked off the
San Francisco Bay Bridge is doing well in its new home,
ornithologists said.
Scientists from the University of California, Santa Cruz, rescued
three eggs last month to protect the chicks from a deadly fall or car
collision on their first flight.
Another chick died shortly after hatching, while the third egg was
''nonviable,'' said Glenn Stewart, an ornithologist with the
Predatory Bird Research Group at UC Santa Cruz.
The parent falcons, dubbed George and Gracie, have returned
to the downtown skyscraper where they have nested for the last
several years and have another egg.
The baby peregrine, hatched Friday, will likely be placed with
foster falcon parents in another nest before being released
in the wild.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comStoring Paint Cans
Before storing paint, put some paint on the top and side of
the can so you can easily see what color it is. If the can is
almost empty, transfer it to a smaller container since paint
cans take up a lot of shelf space.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and
cornered a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is
mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far
the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his
trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion
is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The
elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn
tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away.
The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you
don't know the answer, you don't have to get so p'd off !"
=============================================

========================================
"Y'all got any American razor blades in here?" the Texan asked the
London pharmacist. "All I see are these damn Wilkinsons."
"Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has been producing
the finest surgical instruments, weapons and razors since before
Waterloo."
"I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's Ark if they
ain't any good," the Texan retorted.
"I can assure you they are very good sir." the peeved druggist said.
"Why just last year, my wife swallowed one. It gave her a
tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, circumcised
the gardener, emasculated a neighbor, cut two of a delivery
boy's fingers off at the knuckle
-- and I still got 10 shaves out of it."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Saturday, April 28, 2007
======================================
"To get rich, never risk your health. For it is the truth that
health is the wealth of wealth."
— Richard Baker
=======================================
"How was your blind date?" a college student
asked her 21 year old roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed
up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so
bad about that?"
"He is the original owner."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to police in Hull, East Yorkshire, England
Hysterical Vegetables protected by dumb cops
April 25, 2007 - East Yorkshire, UK - Ananova
A huge operation aimed at sabotaging the Government's GM
potato trial backfired - when the 250 protesters got the
wrong field.
They swooped on the 16-hectare site, outside Hull, armed
with shovels and planted thousands of organic potatoes,
reports the Guardian.
Activists from Mutatoes.org apologised to farmer David Buckton
after it emerged that they wrongly identified his land as the
site of the GM trial.
The field they planted was sown with beans.
Mr Buckton, 54, said the mix-up was the strangest event to
have befallen his family in four generations of farming.
He said the protesters were accompanied by two police officers
on horseback.
"I told the police officers that it was a bean field but they
said the protest seemed peaceful so we'd better let them
get on with it. The beans are just peeping through. The
protesters should have been able to see that," he said.
-----------------------------------
Not much point in suing the turnip brained idiots, but I hope
the farmer sues the cops for protecting the hysterical
vegetables, who ruined his field!
Plants have been modified since the stone age. It makes no
difference, whether it is done by selecting natural mutations,
or hybrids or gene modification. For example, by the mid 1400's
the Aymara Indians in Peru had developed more than two
hundred varieties of potatos, that grew at elevations greater
than 10,000 feet!
It is the lack of modifying that is dangerous! Look at the
Irish potato famine, that decimated the population of Ireland
so badly that it still has not recovered today. Because of
strict standardizing and not allowing natural mutations to
become new fashions, there was no variety, which could cope
with three years of "Global Warming" and wet years, which
favored a blight fungus more than the Standard Irish Potato.
Over a Million people died of hunger because of that, and
over two Million emigrated.
I realize that some gene modification efforts, like the Roundup
resistant grains from Monsanto, were a bit boneheaded and
pure ammunition for the hysterical sheep, who badmouth anything,
that is from a major American company, and were used by
Europe and Russia, with a lot of help from The Enemy Times,
to shift grain sales away from the US and to European farmers.
However, there have been quite a few very benficial wheat
modifications, that very few people know about. If you are
interested, have a look at Science Dailyhttp://snipurl.com/1iir9
That is just one example.
When some idiots get hysterical against all plant modifications,
and sabotage testing of new varieties, then in my opinion they
were obviously let out of the caves prematurely, and should be
returned promptly.
Dear Webby
===========================================

Need some
unique April cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL

===========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
===========================================
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient.
===========================================

LEGAL Music25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic

===========================================
Teacher: If you had $1.00 and you asked your father
for another, how many dollars would you have.
: "I would have $1.00!"
Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic."
: "You don't know my father!"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Fast Eddie
Re: Which computer is faster?
Hi Mr Webby;
I am in search of another computer and saw one over
on "Tigerdirect" it is.......
eMachines T3516 ----- $249.00
Refurbished Intel Desktop PC
Blah, blah, blah.... a page full of hype and specs
And I have one here at home (below!) I just wanted to know
which one is faster? (in speed!) Reason why is because I
want to give one of these to my daughter and I would like
something faster!
Gateway GM4019E AMD Athlon 64 3500+ DVDRW Media Center
Blah, blah, blah.... two pages full of hype and specs
Fast Eddie
Dear Fast Eddie
Whichever machine has fewer programs and utilities, will be
the faster one.
The hardware makes little difference, since the slowest part
is the chair-to-keyboard interface.
Tech support from Gateway doesn't have quite as bad a
reputation as Compac/HP, so, if I had to choose between
those two machines, I would pick the Gateway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
April 20, 2007 - Knoxville, Tennessee - AP
A Tennessee teenager says he's learned his lesson about drugs.
The 14-year-old boy's father made him stand outside his Knoxville
middle school wearing a sign reading, "I abused and sold drugs."
The father told a Knoxville TV station that the nation's
"extreme drug problem" calls for "extreme measures" by parents.
He said he found about his son's involvement with marijuana
and OxyContin by reading his MySpace page.
The sign-carrying punishment ended when the school's dopy
principal came out and asked the father to call it off.
Seems he was afraid somebody would make him stand there
with a placard too.
The boy said it was embarrassing, but added that he's learned
that "drugs are for losers."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comOpening Jars
Having trouble opening a jar? A latex dishwashing glove
will help you grip the lid. If it is still stubborn, tap the
lid lightly with the back of a butter knife. This will break
the seal, but be careful not to break the glass jar.
You can also use a pair of strap wrenches:
Use one on the lid and the other one, upside down, on
the neck of the jar, close to the lid.
The rubber strap adjusts to any size jar or plumbing pipe.
The very first time you use a strap wrench, it may be a bit
puzzling for a moment, because the concept is much simpler
than you expect.
Put one on the neck of the jar and try turning it while holding
the jar. It will slide in one direction and grab in the other.
Flip the strap wrench so that it grabs the neck when you
turn the handle in a clockwise direction.
Then put the other strapwrench onto the lid upside down
compared to the first strapwrench, so that it grabs when
you turn it counter-clockwise.
When you turn it counter-clockwise while holding the other
strapwrench steady, the lid unscrews without much effort
at all.
Strapwrenches usually cost between 99 cents and $1.99
and they are a much appreciated gift for elder relatives,
especially if they have arthritis.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Thanks to Simone for this confession:
My sex life is so bad ... that when I called one of those phone
sex lines, a voice came on and said,
"Not tonight. I have an earache."
=============================================

========================================
One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came
into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary
words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?"
As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son
piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the
grocery store."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking!BreastCancer
SiteA free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.

Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.