How to Date a Geek Girl: The Guide

Last month we shared with you the rather contentious article on how to date a geek guy. I suggested conversation starters, tips on locations as to where a geek man might hang out, and activities to do with the chosen geek once you bagged that date. None of the tips were to be taken too seriously; they were a light overview on differences between certain folk, and the strangeness of dating in the digital age.

To make things fair, I’m now going to give advice on how to get a geek girl, as both sexes should be equally accounted for. We primarily write for a female audience (though we’re more than happy for males to pop along) so I don’t want to annoy girl geeks who feel I’m giving away the get in her pants secrets. Additionally, I’m not intending this advice to basically be about how to date ME; though I’m sure a *few* people might enjoy that, I don’t relish the idea of becoming a Craigslist Meme.

Instead I’m going to address what geek girls tend to look for when dating, and see if we can come to a middle ground where we work out some tips to help facilitate friendship and more. If this accidentally leads you to date me, well, I’ll be the one to blame for that.

First off, what is a geek girl? Opinions vary, but as I’m the writer here I’m going to give you the lowdown on what I think. A geek girl is someone independent, computer savvy, an online addict, a social media whore, someone who pursues eclectic interests and has a penchant for collecting Buffy memorabilia (OK, that last one may just be me). A geek is defined by Wikipedia in numerous ways– the origin of the word came from sideshow folk who would bite the heads of chicken, but the modern appropriation tends to agree with the following;

‘The word geek is a slang term for odd or non-mainstream people, with different connotations ranging from “a computer expert or enthusiast” to “a person heavily interested in a hobby”, with a general pejorative meaning of “a peculiar or otherwise unlikeable person, especially one who is perceived to be overly intellectual’.

You have your own reasons on what makes up a geek girl, but you obviously find those reasons desirable enough to make you continue reading this piece. Perhaps you’re attracted by their savvy, impressed by their computer skills and adore the face they make when composing a tweet? We know you want to get one or perhaps a special someone and here are the steps you need to take.

Note: Reading this will not assure you of scoring with Felicia Day, Zooey Deschanel or me

Step One: Reach Out Online

Women are in the majority on social media networks, with an estimated 57% of them using Twitter and Facebook according to research from Online MBA, – so it’s a good place to start. Get an account, find your chosen (prey) female and try and connect to her. Text speak is acceptable if you only have 140 characters to communicate in, but try and engage with her intellectually- discuss news, topics she’s interested in etc. Trying to Facebook friend her to early in your online relationship will definitely be seen as creepy. You don’t need to limit yourself to one social network- though Google+ is dominated by men (71% of users are male at present), the women who use it will be more accessible and you can engage with them in a totally different way.

The stages of social media friendship: Twitter for cute comments and chats, Google+ for in depth discussion where you show off your knowledge (Googled or otherwise) and Facebook for when you get to the next level. Twitter is a good tool to use for finding out about your beloved geek girl- you’ll get an idea of what she likes, what makes her tick and potentially what her blog is, so you can start to build up an image of what you guys might have in common.

Step Two: The Approach

Don’t be intimidated by her brain, geek girls like being spoken to every bit as much as their Mensa lacking female equivalents. That said, remember there are some conversation openers that are never acceptable ‘Did it hurt when you fell from heaven’ and some that are equally inappropriate for your target member ‘Going on Deal or no Deal is my dream/ I don’t own a Smartphone/ Twitter users are narcissists with no social nous’ (you get the idea).

TV shows tend to be a good opener, as most geek girls will have an opinion on them. Bonus points if you manage to reference something cult (think Dollhouse/Firefly) but equal points regarded if you have read the book relating to the show (Game of Thrones/True Blood/ Legend of the Seeker) women appreciate men who make a well rounded effort. If you talk about classic TV shows, mentioning ones with strong female protagonists (think Veronica Mars and Buffy) as we WILL notice and adore your strong equal rights spirit. You can use information garnered from her social media profile to help strike up a conversation but do it subtly, as no one likes a stalker.

Step: Geek Girl Compliments

When it comes to complimenting your geek, there are certain things you need to be aware of. You may think its ultra sensitive to mention her quirky glasses and her slogan T-shirts, but these will be lines she has heard over and over before, and all you end up doing is sounding just like every other loser she isn’t dating.

Whilst we geek girls are pretty secure in our geek niches, we are also women, hence a multitude of general anxiety over pretty much every physical aspect of our appearance . (Wait, you’re body confident and think this line is offensive to women everywhere? Well, I applaud your confidence and hope it never goes away, but acknowledge not everyone has the same feelings about themselves, so try not to knock us OK?)

So we WILL respond well to nice comments (not crude, AVOID CRUDENESS OR DIE) about these aspects- think ‘sexy eyes’, or ‘You’re so hot’, c’mon, is this dating 101? Avoid comments like cute, quirky, original, eclectic – we are aware of these, and we want to be desirable as well.

As a basic checklist, think of every descriptive word you would apply to a geek girl and try and replace it with something more descriptive or feminine. After all, you call puppies cute- is this the same phrase you want to apply to the woman of your dreams?

Great glasses: Nice eyes, lovely skin, lashes like Yoda

Cute: Hotter than any of Echo’s personalities (a Dollhouse reference), More desirable than an iPhone 5

Step Four: Be Date Creative

Flowers and chocolates are always appreciated (Cadbury’s Galaxy and Blue roses FYI) but they also fall into the mundane world of being traditional, and a geek girl likes to consider that she’s more unique than the standard cookie cutter outline of a women. I realize this contradicts the ‘don’t call us unique’ comment of the last point, but there are right ways and wrong ways of going about things, and women reserve the right to change their minds and contradict themselves at any possible moment. When considering where to go on your first date, it’s OK to use background information (Google) to help you with this. You’ve already checked out her Twitter feed and Foursquare check-ins so you’ll have an idea if she likes eye burning Mexican dishes or limp salad options, and plan accordingly.

Now you have the food element covered, it’s time to think about what would really make a date with you stand out. One trick is to check out popular geek girl sites such as GeekGirlCon and take a look at the list of exhibitors. Next, Google and see if those guys hold any events or have pop up stores near where you live, and voila, a thoughtfully unique first date. Present wise, nothing says I love you like a custom USB mix tape– retro charm fused with modern tech always goes down well.

First dates don’t need to be flashy or expensive, so something heartfelt will go down just as well. Ideas could involve picnics with her favorite Japanese food (think unique Harajuku candies etc), checking out the locations of sci-fi movies in your towns (recreating love scenes optional) or a night button bashing the newest console game ( a good bonding experience). Whatever you decide upon, tailor it to the individual and think about what they would like, rather than your personal preferences. If you get a geek girl comfortable you’ll really be on to something special, so invest your time carefully.

Now you should feel you have the basic rules to finding your geek girl and keeping them interested. What happens next is up to you, but I can’t stress enough that a genuine connection is the most important thing to focus on here, not just whether your hard drives are compatible.

3 Comments

What a geek girl isn’t:
1) a social media whore. Probably. Most geeks I know don’t actually like facebook or twitter.
2) A girl who wears a shirt that just says ‘geek’. … really… they don’t flaunt it. This leads to point three:
3) A girl who takes glamorous pictures of herself holding a game controller. Run away from those. Run far, far away… unless they’re actual, paid models.