Thursday, May 22, 2008

And This Is Me Y'All, I M.C. Y'All

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I'm always curious to see what movie or tv example media publications, especially the AP, use when referring to an actor or actress. I have yet to see "Robert Downey Jr., star of Johnny B. Goode," but I'm sure it's coming sometime. OK! ran a story on Ashlee's wedding and so...."Big sis Jess, who arrived with on-off beau Tony Romo before noon in the Employee of the Month star's Range Rover, was maid of honor." First off Jessica's best "acting" work was in That 70's Show and reminding people she was in Employee of the Month is just plain mean.--Coming to a 3D equipped theater near you in, probably, 2009...original Dawn of the Dead.

--Is The Strangers one of those movies that peaks in the trailer? Cause those masks are kinda scary.--You've probably already have seen it, but...awesome...

--Your drunk 12-year-old of the week comes to us from? If you said "Mississippi" you're wrong. The correct answer is Arkansas. Classic story of boys meet girl at rodeo, boys go home and drink parents' beer, boys take stepfather's pickup truck out to go find rodeo girl, boys go through guardrail and down a 50 foot steep cliff landing in a forest and yeah that about covers it. The boys, 12 and 10, crashed and then the 12-year-old knocked on some guy's door at 2:30 AM and uttered, "I'm drunk and I had a wreck."

--Vinnie Chase has a new show on the Planet Green channel. I'm not sure, but it may have something to do with the environment and maybe preservation of said environment.Either way Phil Mickelson makes a cameo on Entourage next season so we have that going for us.

--A human Tetris TV show called Hole in the Wall coming to Fox?!

--I haven't watched Emeril in a long, long time and probably will never see him again once he starts on Fine Living Network, which is probably close to Planet Green in my channel lineup, but hell if I know.

--We head to Pennsylvania for our Why Don't We Do It in the Road (or the Woods) story of the week. There Jeffrey Bradford and Adrianna Connor were having a late night snack at a diner after their flight. A flight in which Jeffrey piloted and Adrianna was an attendant. The sergeant sums it up best, "They told the officer they wanted to go do it in the woods, essentially. That's the best answer they had." Apparently they went into the woods for some jungle love and at some point lost each other because Adrianna ended up digging around in the town's fire chief's vehicle looking for a flashlight. This woke up the fire chief and she told him she was looking for a flashlight to find her friend in the woods. So this brought the police on board and for some strange reason this was deemed worthy of busting out a helicopter with body-heat searching equipment. Anyway the police found Jeffrey's clothes, but he wasn't wearing them. No, Jeffrey's nekked ass eventually stumbled upon a home whose female resident had just gotten to from work. So the pilot who was only wearing a wristwatch and flip flops asked for shorts and she responded by calling 911. Yeah, pilot and his flight ass-endant are in a bit o' trouble.

--Jake Gylenhaall is your Prince of Persia with Gemma Arterton (new Bond movie) as the piece of ass.

--An outdoor WNBA game this summer!!!! How am I supposed to sleep tonight?

--Not only did Cash Warren impregnate our fair Jessica Alba somehow he convinced her to marry him.--FightCanseco@aol.com is the e-mail address if you're interested in, well, fighting Jose Canseco this summer in Atlantic City. You could earn $5,000 for you troubles. No word on if it's boxing, wrestling, mma, or paper, rock scissors.

--Your Frat Games for Wii will include both a traditional tournament style Beer Pong as well as Speed Pong to see which of you can clear the cups first.--#1 - William Regal is still around?! #2- William Regal was suspended for violating that strict (I'm sure) drug policy the WWE has?!

--The Root of All Evil is getting a second season.

--Spike Lee is gonna do a Michael Jordan documentary?! How has this not happened yet and can we possibly end all airings of Hanes commercials with MJ and Cuba Gooding "I followed an Oscar win with Snow Dogs and Boat Trip" Jr.?

--Seriously Denise Richards your children need the money is the reason you're doing a reality show? Cause Ricky Vaughn is paying you $52,000 a month in child support and you get money from that awful (I assume), but popular Two and a Half Men so it'd seem that's a pretty good start.--EW came out with its list of the 25 Funniest People in America. At # 24 we get Catherine O'Hara who kills in any Christopher Guest, but umm, when was the last Christopher Guest movie? Sarah Silverman is at 23 because she has a great rack. Maybe she's funny, I don't know who's listening. Dave Chappelle is 22 and working less than Catherine O'Hara. Gotta love Demetri Martin at 21. Behind Back in Black, Trendspotting is the best segment on Daily Show. Craig Ferguson at 19?! Jack Black at 18 and I'm saying it now Tropic Thunder is gonna be the funniest movie of the year. Letterman at 17 though he should always be in the top 10. Will Ferrell could only make it to 15? My boy Ricky Gervais at 14. I miss you Extras. I assume based on the strength of appearances by Chester Pitts and Ephraim Salaam, Ellen makes it at 13. One time David Cross didn't make me laugh....not really...he's at 12. Conan (the O'Brien, not the Barbarian) at 11. Kristen Wiig is supposedly the next big thing at SNL, but I wouldn't know. She's # 10. Larry David at 9 even without Leon. The husband/wife duo of Amy Poehler and the hilarious Will Arnett at 8. At 7 we get Matt Parker and Trey Stone (how do I reach these keeeeds). Everybody Loves Chris...Rock at 6. The always killing Steve Carell at 5. Jon Stewart and Team Daily Show at 4. Gotta love that. Sneaky sexy Tina Fey at 3. Dammit, my #1 is #2 and that, of course, is Stephen Colbert. We will live under his rule one day. And the funniest person in America according to Entertainment Weekly is....(wait for it)..."The Judd Apatow Posse." I can't believe it took me until it was on HBO to watch Knocked Up. Either way not a bad list seeing as how neither Dane Cook or Carlos Mencia were on it.

--Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder?!--The voice actors on The Simpsons make $350,000 per episode, but want $500,000 per?!

--Heroes trading cards are out?!

--Sony won the right to make the next Flash Gordon movie and there is absolutely no way it'll top the 80's release.

--Bruce Lee: The Musical?!

Questions, comments or if you ever scaled the Miller Outdoor Theatre in not the best frame of mind...