A post shared by Superfans (@superfanssa) on Sep 23, 2019 at 4:01am PDT

Things kicked off well enough with our host quickly telling us his vision for the hour – a reworking of the disastrous season 8 as we would have envisioned it, choosing three key songs, including Queen’s I Want to Break Free… weird but ok:

Shockingly, Leo and I were the only ones dressed in full character so naturally, we were chosen to play our respective characters. Fans dressed as elves and Malificent were chosen to be the Children of the Forest and Drogon, respectively, while we had an under dressed Khal Drogo and Jon Snow too.

As we sped through Leo’s Night King fighting Jon Snow and leading her army of undead on a march to Westeros, the Children of the Forest resurrected the Khal Drogo cosplayer. The Khal fought Jon Snow for my hand and then… shit got weird.

Our host announced: “After challenging Jon Snow for the Khaleesi’s hand and heart, our Khal returned to his bride’s side to produce an heir”

Not knowing exactly where he was going with this, we all looked at him awkwardly and he turned around to look at the Khal and I.

“Guys, you know that this is Game of Thrones, right? What makes GOT what it is besides the dragons and the battles? The sex scenes! So go ahead and get down to it!”

Fuck a white walker… are you kidding me, Mister?!

My first thought was“I am SO not wearing the right underwear for this!” and my second thought was briefly about the Khal and Khaleesi’s love scenes:

I know… TMI, MOM!

The Khal seeing that I was as awkward as he was,said his wife was in the audience and he wasn’t doing that. He sat down next to me on the couch, put his arm around me and said “But I am glad we are both alive again, my Khaleesi!”

And that, Kids, is how your mother got out of an awkward public near-sex scene…. NEXT!

Kids, today’s abject lesson in why people should mind their own gods-be-damned business comes in the form of a public service announcement I wrote in September 2017.

Have a gander at this:

Dear Smug Marrieds and Otherwise Attached People (including my f***tard of an Uber driver the other night),

Image credit: Yarn

This evening I had to listen to one of your ring-wearing,boring AF breathen tell me that, and I quote, “You’re 31 and still not married? Being married is then so nice! What’s wrong with you?”

The answer, in short, is NOTHING!

Why the f*** do you assume that because I do not have a ring on my finger and I am not attached to a man/woman, that there is something wrong with me?

Newflash, you idiots, singledom is not a f***ing disease!

Image credit: Pinterest

Just because you cannot live without someone to check in with and share your every goddamn move all day everyday, someone to cook,clean and care for and vice versa, someone to share a bank account with, someone to moan to your friends and mother about when they inevitably do not live up to your expectations, does not mean that I have to do the same.

Please, for the love of the gods, leave me be. I am a successful, independent, beautiful and happy young woman with a searing passion for love, life, travel, magic, family, friends, Alexander Skarsgard and Game of Thrones.

The next time you feel the impulse to bless me with your unsolicited comments about my singleton status in person or online ( I swear to the gods if I get one more “I’m so glad that I no longer have to deal with online dating woes” from a newly coupled blogger, I will burn their sites down, Wight Viserion-style!), don’t!

Image credit: Vanity Fair

And don’t, I am begging you with tears in my big, beautiful, brown eyes, say shit to me like “When you are in a relationship, you’ll understand” when I wonder out loud why the f*** you gave up all of your individuality for a partner who doesn’t appreciate you.

If that is what passes for love and committment these days, you sir/madam, can keep that shit to yourself.

I am only going to say this once, so listen carefully:

I am not:

Too picky

Too full of myself ( I am f***ing beautiful, intelligent and amazing. I deserve the best!)

Inferior to you ( treat me with the same respect I do you)

Too old to wait (some people only find their equals later in life)

Too difficult (I know what I want and who I am. If a man can’t deal with that, that is his f***ing problem!)

A man hater ( trust me, if you had to see my browser history or my past loves, you’d know I love men)

Child-adverse ( children are drawn to me like magnets and my ova are screaming out to be fertilised)