Mysterious Cheesecake Communiator Seeks Weekly Pen Pals

In case you wanted to know, Maxfield’s House of Caffeine at 17th/Dolores is now your go-to place for all “analog text message” cheesecake conventions. Commenter A should have done their homework, but we’ll forgive them because the analog message boards of yesteryear regrettably don’t come with Google built-in.