ertain local medium who for a
fee of one guinea would tell me everything I wanted to know. Although
I rather grudged the guinea, being more than usually hard up at the
time, I called upon this person, but over the results of that visit,
or rather the lack of them, I draw a veil.

My queer and perhaps unwholesome longing, however, remained with me
and would not be abated. I consulted a clergyman of my acquaintance, a
good and spiritually-minded man, but he could only shrug his shoulders
and refer me to the Bible, saying, quite rightly I doubt not, that
with what it reveals I ought to be contented. Then I read certain
mystical books which were recommended to me. These were full of fine
words, undiscoverable in a pocket dictionary, but really took me no
forwarder, since in them I found nothing that I could not have
invented myself, although while I was actually studying them, they
seemed to convince me. I even tackled Swedenborg, or rather samples of
him, for he is very copious, but without satisfactory result