Following my Heart in lieu of mainstream society

In Transition

I’m in a huge season of transition. It’s been long and hard and I’m not even sure exactly when it began but I know it’s coming to a close and I’m excited about what God’s doing in my life as I move in sync with Him. So many tests, trials and even temptations have come my way but I’m determined to remain focused. I’m going to see the other side of this transition!

I don’t like when things become routine. That’s boring for me when things are very predictable. I like some spice added in, some change and I’m ready for change. In my mind, I’m so far into my future, I don’t even feel comfortable where I am today. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m content and get plenty of sleep. I’m not worried or fretting, just excited about my future and ready for the change I know is coming.

In the meantime, I’ve been making myself uncomfortable time and time again on purpose and that’s been fun. I’m studying midwifery even though it was the farthest thing from my mind and so NOT a goal or dream I had. I know now that I most likely will NOT even become a midwife. It’s still not something I’m interested in really. I just need this education. I love how all that I’ve done in my life matters. When I officially stopped working and came home to unschool my daughter, I thought I’d wasted time and money on my college degree but I see more and more how each and every thing I do matters and nothing is for naught.

In addition to my studies which went from uncomfortable to fun, I finally did a website for my herbal products. I’d been hounded by many about doing a website. People who’ve been buying products over the last year complained about not having a site to tell others about who were interested in my products. For some reason, I was actually anxious about publishing the site. My husband hit the publish button when I’d ran out of excuses as to why I needed to wait one more day. I’m slowly adding everything we make onto the site and it’s been fun. Check out my website here I also have a facebook page where I put up pictures and videos highlighting various products, and keep people updated on newer products.

Another opportunity that took me by surprise was being asked to speak at a women’s conference that’s affiliated with my aunt’s church. Now, my degree *is* in speech communication but seriously, I’m not a minister. I do know the Word and my relationship with God is the most important relationship to me. The women’s group is called DIVA’S- Divinely Inspired Victorious Anointed Sisters. I spoke on Sisters and talked about walking in love with everyone. Although 2 days before the conference, I was ready to be sick as I realized the enormity of what I was asked to do- again, I’m not a minister- I did great! It felt so right and comfortable when I got up to speak. I hope I have the opportunity to speak again, I enjoyed it so much! Afterwards, a woman walked up to me and asked me what I do. She said she felt in her spirit that I was a jack of all trades and master of the all. I laughed and rattled off unschooling mom, doula, placenta encapsulation specialist, I make herbal products and study midwifery and wrote a book and I sing (which I also did at the conference). I cringe when people ask me what I do because I usually forget something since it’s not the normal one thing kind of response that most give.

Ahh, and the doula thing… Yeah, that’s about to be taken off my list of what I do. I am doing my last birth as a doula in October and while I’d like to say it’s bittersweet, I’m not sure that’s very accurate. I’m not leaving the birth world. I just can’t take the trauma I see any longer. Learning about the ancient practice of midwifery- not this medical midwifery that’s done today- it’s hard to know what I know and walk into a birth, smile and pretend like all is well and ok when I know differently. I just can’t keep doing that. There have been some births where *I* was the one leaving traumatized. There were others where I left traumatized but the family seemed fine with what went on, then weeks later they’d contact me to tell me that they’d processed their birth and was not pleased with the care they received from providers they had faith in.

I want to work with families more on the front end, before and in early pregnancy. You can’t help people become educated very well at the end of pregnancy or worst yet, during labor. It just doesn’t work. So, I’ve taken my doula page off facebook and I’m in the process of making changes to my doula website as well. Very appropriately, my last birth as a doula in NJ is with the very first woman I served in NJ. I love her dearly and am excited that she’s giving birth at home this time. I can’t wait for her birth!

So that’s some of what’s going on with me these days. I’ll let you know when that big change occurs. 😉