BLAH

Hi! These reports can now also be read on www.otherarena.com!
Ask them why freaking Tanvir Raquib gets in twice in their quote machine and I
never do.

Thing You Probably Don't Care About, Part 1: At some point or other, www.thecubsfan.com
might stop working. When you don't pay the bill, such things seem to happen. If it
does stop working, www.geocities.com/thecubsfan
will work. It'll work either way, actually - it just probably won't be updated
till Thursday.

Thing You Probably Don't Care About, Part 2: No Jakked report this
weekend - I was all over the place Saturday for reasons you either know or you
don't care about, and choose a relaxing game of Madden 2001 over searching for a
VCR that'd actually record. I did get to see that video of Saturn shooting,
which wasn't all that interesting (I think seeing that Kidman/Evan wackyness
ruined me forever on short senseless syndicated rage) and I did read people over
analyzing it, which was probably the same way interesting the shoot was for the
people who I was reading, if that makes any sense. I saw the last ten second of
Loki/Essa Rios, and while I missed out on however they spelled his name this appearance,
I figure I've seen good Loki matches, I've seen good Essa Rios matches, I've
seen a good Loki/Essa Rios match and I'll probably see all those things again
since neither guy appears to be heading anywhere any time soon, so I didn't go
out of my way to see it.

Thing You Probably Don't Care About, Part 3:

wwf the world leader - Heat is PG (LV)

Backstage, Big Show is looking at his bag. Some producer type guy says
he wants him to follow Cole and Tazz's lead, and be a funny guy. Big Show tells
him that he's listening to no one and really isn't too funny. A "Big
Show" chant had been heard during this - I guess Big Show needs a main
event face turn too.

Tazz and Michael Cole welcome us to Heat, and Tazz says hi to
all the moms out there. This is a BRAND NEW HEAT - new look (um, looks the
same), big matches (sure) and Big Show (he's been on before, right?)

Earlier today, the Germ was talking to people to ask them about the Big Show.
Old people. They're all big fans of the Big Show. But the Mel Brooks'
"Producers" big show and not the Big Show you may care about.

New camera angle! This changes everything. Cole and Tazz talk about musicals,
which is as good as an idea as you might think it would be.

Steven Richards vs Billy Gunn - All of RTC is together is apparently
back together, except Steven, who's unaware of the coup in progress. Steven
attacks before the bell - kick, rights knocks Gunn in the corner for more shots, corner whip, reversed, Gunn charges and misses., kick, off the ropes
swinging neckbreaker. Whip, head down too soon, kick to the head, Gunn off the
ropes, jumping neckbreaker. Push in the corner, kicks down in the corner. It's
not nice tell the ref to shut up, Billy. Corner whip, Steven rebounds out into a
tilt-a-whirl slam for one two. Stomp. Stomp no Steven grabs the legs but Gunn
punches him in the face. Gunn's pulling him up and around by his tie - corner
whip - press slam on the rebound. Calling for The One and Only - but then hits a
short clothesline. Here we go - One And Only cover one two three. (1:53) RTC is
still on that losing streak. Gunn sure doesn't waste any time when he's in
squash mode.

Again, it's a brand new show and a brand new look. Maybe they moved the stage
a little left.

Changes! The "guest host comes to the stage and talks to the crowd"
is in the first segment. He's got issues with Bradshaw and Test. He has no
microphone - oh, we've got stick around for the commercial break to hear from
him.

They're using the same sit down interview set as last week, with Cole and
Tazz joining the announcers. Big Show: "I'm just hanging and banging."
Big Show is in a big bad mood. Picking on Michael Cole is not really tough. Big
Show talks about his college basketball career - no leap, knew he figured he'd
have to find something else to do. So, after that, he spent a year going from
job to job. And then "I meet some of the right people and everything worked
out." Big Show says that he was running low on money at one point, he ate a
tooth paste sandwich. Tazz notes that he's not eating that now, from his size.
Tazz goes and asks a question, but then Cole redirects the whole conversation
about Show's success. Show talks about the one place in the Sports
Entertainment, you want to be in the WWF and you want to work for the Vince.
He's on the shortest, quickest route to the WWF Championship. He and Shane have
had a long, up and down relationship, but Shane was crazy if he thought Show
would go to WCW - he's already been there once and not again. Tazz gets on Cole
for cutting on his nerves. Cole talks us back to Hollywood Show.

Crowd cheers when we come back. Tazz says that was good stuff and wants to
ask about Saturday Night Live. Big Show says that was the funniest thing he's
done, and he was a long time SNL fan before it. Cole asks how he can go from
such a funny person to an angry person. Show says that when he wants to be fun,
he can be fun, and when he wants to be angry, he can be angry. Show thinks his
problems have come when he's tried to be funny when he should've been serious.
Tazz tries to say the same thing applies to him but Big Show's music cuts him
off. It's not Tazz's day. More with the Big Show later.

Snicker's Rhyno Spear on Eddie (Saving Lita) from Last Monday

Back in their normal position, Tazz and Cole discuss Eddie. Tazz asked Eddie
what was up with that and Eddie wouldn't tell him. Cole says he's not surprised
and with Eddie's past, he doesn't trust him. Tazz just stares at Cole and asks
him if he really just dissed him. Tazz is not having a good day.

X-Factor (w/o Albert) vs Kai En Tai - TAKA doesn't have a mic - oh
wait, there it is. I like how he always pats the microphone to check if it's on,
and it never is. "So, you call yourself X-Factor. Well, tonight you well
be facing Kaientai and we are exciting and extreme and we are exceptionally
evil! HAHAHAHAHA" Tazz: "AHAHAHA He's going to say Indeed, I guarantee
it" "INDEED!" Cole suggests that if Tazz doesn't work out as a
commentator, he can be a tarot card reader. Tazz asks if that's like that
gimmick with that lady who wears the turban on TV. X-Factor jumps TAKA and
Funaki as they get in the ring. Justin and Funaki end up out of the ring, whip
by X-Pac, TAKA ducks the clothesline and hits a spin kick. X-Pac rolls out -
baseball slide dropkick by TAKA knocks connects with both X-Factor and so does
the Asai Moonsault. Celebrate. Throwing X-Pac right back in - whip by Taka, drop
toe hold, Camel clutch, bow, Justin trips up TAKA before he can hit the
dropkick. That never happens! Justin comes in as X-Pac has turned around the
hold, putting Funaki in the clutch, bow, dropkick by Funaki slips out of the way
and X-Pac gets hit! Leave the Kaientai double team moves to Kaientai, I think.
Justin consoles his partner and gets rolled up for 2one two. Funaki with a
right, right, right, whip, reversed, clothesline is ducked but X-Pac pulls down
the top rope so Funaki goes over. Justin distracts the ref with Taka, then helps
X-Pac run Funaki into the ringpost, crotch first. Tazz: "That's not
right on Mother's Day! Would Funaki's mother say about
that? She's over there in Taiwan-" Cole: "Japan!" Tazz: "Taiwan, Japan, Newark, it's all the same."
Funaki thrown back in. Turnbuckle shot is sold to record lengths. Stomp.
Tag to X-Pac, kick, kick, kick, right by X-Pac, kick down in the corner, setting
up - X-Pac almost gets grabbed by TAKA but manages to hit the Bronco Buster. Up
to the second rope, celebration, and a flying stomp. Tag to Justin - running
shoulder charge by X-Pac, pull off the ropes powerbomb by Justin, one two
kickout. Stomp, tag to X-Pac. Double whip, double clothesline misses, Funaki's hits!
Race to the tag - TAKA gets it - springboard double dropkick! Palm shot, Palm
shot, big dropkick to Justin, whip, drop toe hold, camel clutch, dropkick to the
face! Celebration, but an abbreviated one. Working in opposite corners, corner
whip, but X-Pac reverses his and Justin clothesline Funaki - then X Marks The
Spot on TAKA and X-Pac picks up the pin. (3:29) X-Pac peels his top off to show off
his abs, I guess.

A very special segment coming up next! Tazz is involved! Tazz is surprised.
Cole: "Read your script!" Tazz: "We have a
script?"

Back on the interview set, Cole welcomes us back to Heat. It's a brand new
day, blah blah blah. Now, the WWF World News Update. The HECK?

Insert graphic here, and Tazz at an announcers desk. "Welcome to WWF
World News. I'm
(checks script) Tazz! After WWF recent trip to the WWF, uh, UK, UK, hey Cole, is
that near, uh, London?" "Yes." "Good, uh, okay, well anyway,
PPV was Insurrextion, and it seems as though a form of foot and mouth disease,
uh, has been brought back to the United States. Well, in under a week, you know
we here in the World Wrestling Federation, we have seen not one, but two, yes
two, forms of what we call in the Hook, um, Butt and Mouth Disease."
"Butt and Mouth Disease. Yes, Butt and Mouth Disease. (no reaction from the
fans) So, the first case was in Long Island, last Monday on RAW. A side note,
these images are not suitable for all."

The end of Raw - after keeping Steve Austin at bay, Rikishi
realizes where Stephanie is and there's Stink Face (:59)

"Obviously, Rikishi was provoked into doing such a vile vile act. Some
say, that it was a million dollars. Get it Cole, Million Dollar Princess?"
"(Thinking if the joke was really bad or just missing a word, but politely
nodding his head anyway.)" "Good. The second instance happened in one
Hartford Connecticut. And this, this was big. This is shocking footage."

Smackdown - and this time, it's Big Show who gets it. Some how, I think this
might not be a good clip to show with this week's guest. Replay! Big Show spits
up. (:49)

"Sources say, now you won't believe this, sources say that Rikishi's ass
actually seems smaller than the Big Show's head!" "Hahahaha, Big
Show's head! Hahahahaha. Smaller than the Big Show's head hahahaha. Tazz, that
was a good one. I liked that one." Cole is so so dead, because we see Big Show is walking back on to the stage.
Show: "You really liked that one?" "Um, not really. It was sort
of funny." That's not gonna save him -
Big Show picks him up - press slam - on to the security and safely back to the
coach. Aw. If there ever was
an occasion for a chokeslam through a table, that was it. Or maybe whoever wrote
this segment deserves that. "Well, anyway stay tuned for more Sunday Night Heat and
remember, you too can be just another victim."

Lugz 2X4 And Chokeslam for Bradshaw.

Tazz asks Cole what he was thinking. Cole says he was trying to put Tazz
over. No one really puts Tazz over. Moments ago. Watch Tazz be totally unconcerned with the events
surrounding him.

Dean Malenko vs Jerry Lynn for the Light Heavyweight Title - Dean
never got his shot back against Crash, did he? I guess this is it. Circle. Lockup,
Dean with a headlock takedown, Lynn quickly reverses it to a leg scissors, pin
attempt for zero, both up, Lynn with a headlock takedown, leg scissors by Dean,
pin attempt for zero. Both up, kick by Dean, whip, hiptoss by Dean is reversed
by Lynn is reversed by Dean and Lynn gets flipped over the top rope but lands on
the apron, right and he jumps back in while armdragging Dean. Dropkick and Dean
rolls out - Lynn follows with a baseball slide dropkick but Dean moves out of
the way, they exchange a glance, and both dive in the ring. Did Dean and Jerry
have some relationship that I don't know about? They're playing a strong "I
know your moves" thing here, and also providing more action in four seconds
than all of that Billy Gunn squash. Stare in the ring and circle to some claps.
Lockup, battle for control, Lynn is pushed in the corner, kick to the
midsection, kick to the midsection, kick to the midsection, corner whip, Lynn
kips up and twists into a flying leg roll up but Dean rolls through and tries
the Cloverleaf but gets his head too low and Lynn grabs it and turns into a
small package one two shoulder up and I'm glad I have pause working. Dean
charges but Lynn ducks and gets a waistlock, back elbow by Dean, back elbow,
then he turns around and hits a short clothesline. Dean hurt his arm doing that.
He wanders around the ring, shaking it to get the feeling back, then stomps Lynn
on the head. The announcers are trying to put this match over, so I'll forgive
them for diverging into talk about how much the Mets suck. (Not that it's a bad
thing the Mets suck.) Pick up from behind by Dean - back suplex. Dean has
trouble grabbing the leg for the cover, but when he does, one two shoulder up.
Dean picks Lynn up by his hair - corner whip, reversed, Lynn charges at Dean as
he staggers out of the corner but Dean sees him coming and powerslams him, one
two right shoulder up. Dean pulls Lynn up by the hair as referee Jack Doan says
"watch the hair." Elbow to the head, and Doan warns Dean about the
hairpulling. Kick. Kick. Pulling Lynn in the middle of the ring by the hair,
whip, clothesline is ducked and Lynn grabs on to turn this into a crucifix, then
a sunset flip. One two, Malenko kicks out, then turns and around and leans on
Lynn to cover him, one two kickout knocks Lynn back on top in sunset position
one two, Malenko kicks out and uses his momentum to turn it into a jacknife
cover, one two, Lynn rolls to the side and back to the sunset flip hold one two
kickout. Both up, both run, both clothesline each other, both drape an arm over
each other one two both shoulders up. 17 seconds, 7 near falls. Dean with a
right, no Lynn blocks it and hits his own. Dean with a right, no Lynn blocks it
and hits his own. Right by Lynn, corner whip, reversed, kip up by Lynn but Dean
remembers to stop short this time and Lynn is left hanging - Dean gives him an
elbowsmash to the back of the head. Waistlock, Lynn tries for an elbow, it's
ducked and Lynn is now facing Dean, so it's his back that gets rammed into the
corner as Dean pushes ahead. Dean lifts up Lynn and places him on the top rope,
right, second rope, top rope, Lynn top rope - TOP ROPE SUPERPLEX! Dean tries to
scissors Lynn's left leg to keep him from kicking out, one Lynn reverses over
the cradle one two. Dean up, a step slower, backslide one two kickout. The
commentators feel sorry for Doan for having to keep up here - and all for Mike
Choada, since his Penguins lost Saturday night. Dean pulls Lynn up - corner
whip, charge, Lynn gets both feet up, charge out and jumping on to Dean's
shoulders in victory roll position, Dean turns him around, Lynn punches Dean's
head to avoid the powerbomb and Dean places Lynn down on the top rope. Right by
Dean is blocked and Lynn hits his own - JUMPING SECOND ROPE SWINGING DDT! One
Two Three (4:07) Probably could've counted quite a few more after that
move.

Showing that Undergrads commercial 6 times in an hour guarantees that I'll
never watch it.

At Judgment Day, Stone Cold faces Undertaker for the WWF Championship.
"It's a match up that has become extremely personal."

Back to Smackdown - Undertaker takes Undertaker's stuff and hangs out in his
dressing room. Undertaker fares okay in the ring for a while and gets some help
from Kane - Austin barely makes it out alive. I don't feel like timing right
now, but I will advise you, if you haven't seen the generic ad for Judgment Day,
to go to your neighborhood pay per preview channel and waiting around just for
that.

Back on the interview set, Cole asks for Big Show's prediction. Show says
he's going with the "home team" and picks Stone Cold. But either way,
Big Show's coming for the title. After Tazz tries to get Cole out of the
trouble, Cole asks Show how he feels about Bradshaw and Test. Show says back a
few weeks ago when he was looking for partners, Bradshaw (and Faarooq) turned
him down and he's probably regretting that now. As for Test, any time, any
where, Show will take care of Test. Promos for Monday and Next Week (Live From Judgment
Day) and that's it.