Over on the Red Pill Subreddit — where manly ALPHA MALES trade tips on how to totally dominate the ladies with their awesome ALPHATUDE — one enterprising fellow has a suggestion for aspiring lady-dominators: take a tip or two from professional dog trainers and treat your bitch like a bitch!

TRPsubmitter, an official Red Pill Subreddit Endorsed Contributor, explains how you can use the magic of Operant Conditioning to train your gal:

Training a loyal, well-behaved dog isn’t much different than training a loyal, well-behaved girlfriend/plate/FWB. Both substrates (dogs, women) have innate submissive/obedient tendencies that should be emphasized along with unwanted behaviors to be diminished and punished. If you know anything about dogs, you know that many “incidents” are often the fault of the owner failing to provide a proper outlet for a dog’s energy or natural predispositions.

Women have natural predispositions too: Attention-seeking, curious, emotional, irrational, solipsistic, unable to constructively deal with stress/criticism, likes to blame others, etc. Almost all of these can be subjected to a combination of operant conditioning.

Yeah, that pretty much describes all possible predispositions women might have. Because women are terrible!

Anyhoo, operant conditioning is all about rewarding or punishing behaviors after the fact as a way of encouraging or discouraging these behaviors. It’s easy to understand how that might work if your dog poops on your rug. But how might that work with your girlfriend/plate/FWB? Also, what the fuck is a “plate?” TRPsubmitter only answers the former question, alas. But he does so with some very helpful and completely realistic examples:

Problem: Some girl you’re sleeping with is getting uppity. You’ve had sex with her before several times…but this time she has arbitrarily decided to give LMR.

That’s Last Minute Resistance. In other words, she said “no,” and you don’t want to respect that “no.”

Analyze reason:

1) She may be trying to shift the power dynamic in her favor; too much “Sex & the city” lately or she had a girl’s night out and her hamster is all powered up for a confrontation now.

Yes. That’s probably right. I’m not sure why watching reruns of a show that was cancelled nearly a decade ago would cause a woman to not want sex, but this dude is an ALPHA so he must know. Does watching old episodes of Friends — which also went off the air in 2004 — have the same effect?

2) She may be trying to retroactively reclassify you as her beta provider or “bf material” by making you work for it or by not being as sexually available all of a sudden.

Or maybe she just doesn’t want to have sex?

3) She has been “thinking alot lately” about her future; she is insecure suddenly about the unique nature of your sexual relationship.

Positive reinforcement – Provide affection or recognition of her worth as a woman IF sex occurs.

Wait. Provide affection during and/or after sex? Sounds bizarre. But so bizarre it just might work!

Positive punishment – Provide active punishment. Tell her to GTFO or smoothly tell her that she can “rest a bit while I get some stuff done”, then leave her sitting on the bed alone.

Acting like a petulant child: the best way to show her you’re THE MAN.

Negative reinforcement – Remove active punishment. Be the bad boy that she wants to prove herself too. You’re not giving her validation from the onset and she is wondering “WHY?!”. Make her earn it and only remove this lack of attention if she does what you want. Maybe you’re both at a bar instead. Proceed to freely & cheerfully interact with other girls in front of her and stop this only if she does what you want (I think this one is best applied in the pickup phase).

Uh, I thought in this scenario you were about to have sex with her and she said no. Why are we at a bar now? Where is this bar?

Negative punishment – Remove active reward. You’re making out on the couch. She makes comment “not tonight”. Give her the cold shoulder. Proceed to remove all affection, attention or “bf-like behaviors”.

Then march off to your room, shouting “you’re not the boss of me! I wish I never was born!” Slam the door and sulk.

Who knew being an ALPHA was so much like being an emo teen?

Happily, TRPsubmitter got a lot of positive reinforcement for his post. Good alpha dog! ComplainyGuy — apparently speaking for many, given the several dozen upvotes he got — wrote enthusiastically:

THIS is a fucking great example of how we should be talking about women.

Bad: “Women have no value to anybody ever. Totally glad her mum died fuck bitches. Pffft I wish we still had chains and whips” (I have seen all these comments on here in the last week)

I don’t see anything wrong with what this red piller said. You just don’t like it because it’s mean?

Leaving aside, for the moment, how facile this oversimplification is… I’m pretty sure “your suggested mode of human interaction is needlessly cruel” is fine reason to reject that suggested mode of human interaction. Since when is not wanting to be mean to people a bad thing?

Also, this just goes to show this guy knows dick-all about training a dog. It’s nowhere near as simple as that, because you never know what connection the dog’s mind will make. Even something as simple as trying to punish them for crapping on the rug can go horribly wrong, because if you don’t catch them actually in the act, they think they’re being punished for you *finding* the turd, not that they did it inside, so all you’ll teach them to do is crap in corners or eat it afterward.

Lol, I never did get the poodle puppy to roll over. He’d get on his back and then stare at me until I caved and gave belly rubs…or then roll back the way he came. Puppy brain says “how do I get petted? I know, I’ll be adorable!”

And puff has taken to nipping the pipette before the food comes out like he has to nibble to to make the food come out. This may be a hard one to break as once he sees it he’s faster than me and I don’t want to release food until I have his attention because puffers are notorious messy eaters.

Lol, his reaction to snails is…interesting. You ever see a puffer eat a snail? They circle it before going for the kill. But then, because he ignores the bottom of the tank and eats them off the glass, they fall, hit the bottom, and rot with him disinterested.

I do need to get that damned brine shrimp hatchery set up though. He’ll go absolutely off the walls glass for live brine shrimp, they’re his favorite food.

But it makes me think of a project we did to replicate an old Skinner experiment about superstitions: we set up a random-timed reward structure then just left the rats in the boxes for a few hours. The stuff they convinced themselves they had to do to get the treat… Oi.

I’ve never felt like as much of a monster as I did watching this rat turn four times counter clockwise then twice clockwise, over and over again, because it thought that’s what got it the food. Ugh.

And since I’m scarred just rereading that, I figure I should add that the point of the lesson was for us to know how impossible it was to get the behavior to stop, and to depress the shit out of us in a, “warning us we can do real damage” sort of way. Also, all the rats found loving homes afterward, because they’re adorable.

I’m guessing Binjabreel was referring to the rats, because poor ratties stuck going in circles!

I’m glad they found homes, I’m rather fond of rodents. Would totally have a pet rat but my brother and I had pet mice as kids and his wasn’t a girl but an immature male…”mom! There are baby mice” “if I come up there and you’re lying, I’ll kill you both” “*crickets*” “…shit”

Oh, the first comment, I thought you meant the second. That’s what I get for having a CSS issue (see, I know CSS well, when I have to think about why it isn’t working, I end up digging into stack overflow cuz it isn’t ever a simple problem [except typos, but those are easy to sort out])

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