Annoying colleague still using the bloody microwave

An irritable office prick is selfishly hogging the staff microwave, despite other colleagues needing it before lunchtime ends, it has emerged.

Unpopular Accounts Manager, Nathan Dobson, has been using the microwave for eight minutes already, and has just put in his second dish for “another few minutes.” Having used his trademark tactic of leaving for lunch three minutes before everyone else, the sneaky little shit explained his actions by saying: “Yeah well, my wife made fish curry and rice, so technically I need it again because undercooked rice can give you e-coli or something. That’s right isn’t it?”

Colleague Becky Dinting, 24, said the rotund nuisance has previous, commenting: “Every time I come here he’s there with a smug look and stinking the place out. Unless he fucks off I’ll have to bring my spicy chicken and prawn jambalaya into a supplier meeting with me.”

“He always gets the ‘good’ cutlery, too – which I swear he hides afterwards. Look at him just standing there on his phone, as if no-one else exists.”

A nonchalant Nathan added: “It just doesn’t work as well when you put two things in together.”