Previously on All Stars: Aja got an instant rudemption by diving off a box (it was better than it sounds). Milk appeared to have soured. BenDeLaCreme gave us comedy gold and slayed the first episode. And Morgan McMichaels revealed her secret plan on day one and was sent home immediately.

The queens are back in the werk room after the first elimination and the soundtrack is different. More dramatic. VH1 budget in the house.

Dela gets emotional about having cut short Morgan’s chances of getting more recognition from the show. Once a Miss Congeniality, always a Miss Congeniality! Shangela‘s not having the theatrics, though.

I take back what I said about Chi Chi’s amazing eye-roll last week. Shangela’s just asked last week’s eye-roll to sashay away.

In her confessional, Shangela calls Ben out for her hypocritical choice. She claimed to want to stick to eliminating queens who objectively did more poorly, and yet she got rid of the bigger threat. Shangie Nancy Drewed this one just like she did Raja’s tulle.

Milk asks Aja who she would’ve sent home had she won the lip-sync, so Aja pulls the lipstick out.

Awkwaaarrrrd

It’s official: Aja is now on Chi Chi DeVayne‘s shit list.

The next mornting, the girls gather around the werk room table to chat it up some more. They talk about how great the variety show was, but Chi Chi has some opinions. She thinks compared to everyone else, Milk was really only giving 2%.

Oooooo gurl she done went there.

Things are a little shady for a bit, then mama RuPaul comes in to dissolve the tension.

That suit is a toot.

This week’s maxi-challenge is a lip-sync extravaganza featuring the musical divas of the world, each assigned to be played by one of the queens. But I’ve stopped paying attention because I just realized Aja is wearing her Linda Evangelista rant as a T-shirt.

Queens are being tasked with putting together a do-over for a lewk they fucked up on a past season. Fun!

The ladies get to work, and most of them are happy with their parts, but Thorgy Thor quickly realizes the precariousness of her given role: Stevie Nicks is fabulous, but she doesn’t really make you wanna go “YAAAS MAWMA YAAAS.” Thorgy thinks it’s not quite fair Shangela got someone like Mariah Carey and she’s stuck with the sweet ol’ hippie.

Henny, she is not wrong.

Milk has Celine Dion and has already set about preparing the most obscure, uncharacteristic outfit to represent her. She’s confident she’ll do well, though, because she once performed as Celine in front of the event planner for her wedding. And HE said it was amazing, so. You know. She’s got this in the carton.

Sure, Jan.

It’s time for dance rehearsals with Todrick Hall, and Shangie kicks things off by being the most Mariah-like she can be.

Todrick? I don’t know her.

Kennedy Davenport is up first, and as amazing a dancer as she is, she’s having trouble getting the choreography figured out. Todrick starts sassing her about not being able to do it and she sasses right back.

“OoOOOoooo shaddup!”

Thorgy, for her choreography, is told, and I quote, to “lean.” But nope, the unfairness is definitely in her head. Definitely.

Shangie keeps being extra and playing the diva and most of the queens are amused, but Milk is legitimately irritated as HELL and it’s not cute.

Milk giving herself that Phi Phi edit I could not believe it.

Todrick tries to intimidate Bebe Zahara Benet about playing Ru’s favorite diva, Diana Ross. But Bebe’s already won a season of Drag Race, girl, she’s good.

“Child, step down.”

It’s elimination day and the queens are talking about their edits on their original seasons and the audience’s perception of them. Thorgy talks about how she’s much more talented than everyone gives her credit for and she’s always talked over. So Shangela tries to make sure she doesn’t talk over her… by talking over her.

…

Let’s fast-forward past this riggery and get straight to the good stuff.

RuPaul is looking snatched, plucked, weaved, tweezed, scissored, gooped… she looks good is what I’m saying.

Aja looks perfect as Amy Winehouse, and while the singing in her number is a little on the slow side, she makes up for it with character.

Chi Chi brings it as Patti LaBelle. Her dancing is crisp and packs a punch.

Trixie Mattel‘s Dolly Parton is basically Trixie Mattel, but that’s because Trixie already resembles her a crapton to begin with. She does a good job with it.

Shangie’s breastplate is a bit suspicious, but she murders the Mariah number. To be fair to everyone else, it’s also a lot better written than the other roles.

Then comes Thorgy, whose only choreography as Stevie Nicks is spinning around in circles. She looks gorgeous, but it’s not particularly funny – especially following Shangela.

BenDeLaCreme as Julie Andrews is another stroke of genius, mostly because she’s rapping, while sounding like Julie Andrews, the whole time.

Bebe’s number as Diana is more of a park and bark, but she serves good face and sells it.

Then the number transitions into some kind of twisted carbon copy of the end of the Kardashian musical from season 9. Literally, note by note, with slightly different lyrics.

What the fuck is going on in here on this day?

Let’s move on to a much better part of the episode, please: the rudemption runway!

Milk is redoing season 6’s “crazy sexy cool” runway, where she was tasked with looking glamour. She looks glamour, but… she looks nothing like the original, so eh.

Stop everything. Give this bitch a crown. Go home.

Aja has remixed her infamous Princess Disastah look and she is so. Fucking. Sickening. Also, she stoned those tights!

Like Milk, Chi Chi DeVayne has reinterpreted the theme for her fail, “neon realness,” rather than the look itself. It’s a bit of a letdown in that sense, but she still looks fierce. I love the hat and the giant hoop earrings. It’s very ’60s.

After a long night of hookin’, Kennedy Davenport has redone her “death becomes her” flaming chicken look. But there’s a reveal!

Yas. Bitch. Werk.

Thorgy has redone her neon runway look as well, and she looks alien, powerful, and … well, green, but we’ll forgive her that much. I love it.

Dela’s original “dripping in jewels eleganza” look wasn’t that bad, but this is definitely a heightened version of it. For starters, there are a LOT more jewels.

Bebe Zahara Benet won her season. She had no bad looks. So, officially, she’s “redoing” her entrance look from season 1, but really, she’s just pulling out something brand-new and that’s okay. She looks good.

What.

Shangela is in a bubble. This is not a drill. Shangela. Is in. A bubble. On the runway.

Shangela, BenDeLaCreme, and Bebe Zahara Benet (??) are the top three of the week, while the bottom three are Kennedy Davenport, Thorgy Thor, and Chi Chi DeVayne (???). Trixie Mattel, Aja (????) and Milk (?????) are safe.

The safe girls step to the back of the stage and Trixie and Aja look like they’re having the most adorable moment when Milk comes and ruins it with her entitlement.

You not being in the bottom three with Thorgy and Kennedy? Agreed.

Kennedy is told she did more Kennedy than Janet. Chi Chi DeVayne is praised for her performance, so I’m just extra confused that she’s in the bottom now.

Shangela gets a beautiful rudemption moment with guest judge Vanessa Williams, who was also guest judging when Shangela was a messy baby queen and looked terrible. So good for huh.

Thorgy is told her look isn’t great, that she could’ve done more in the challenge, and that her makeup could’ve been “more Stevie.” So, just lipstick and mascara? Thorgy’s not having the rigga morris, but what can she do? “You’re all All Stars. We have to pick up on the slightest infraction on the challenge,” Ru explains.

So Milk’s Celine wasn’t an infraction? Oh oh oh oh okay.

Bebe Zahara Benet is told she did amazing as Diana Ross because she “didn’t do much.”

…

Shangie and, for the second week in a row, BenDeLaCreme, are the top two of the week! Bebe and Chi Chi are safe, which leaves Kennedy and Thorgy in the bottom.

The ladies are back in the werk room to deliberate and Milk has a literal breakdown about not being in the top three. Like, she’s crying harder than Thorgy, who is about to be sent home.

“Honey…”

In her confessional, Trixie voices the entire world’s thoughts: Milk seems to have a very high opinion of her mediocre choices. Hmm.

Back on the main stage, Dela and Shangie have changed outfits and are ready to roll. Or should I say Jump. By the Pointer Sisters.

Shangela pulls out a jump rope and starts hopping around with it. So she’s basically won already. Dela has a great skirt reveal, but she’s realized there’s no winning a lip-sync against Shangela, so she starts to copy her every move as a comedy thing. It’s pretty hilarious.

“This looks good, right?”

No surprises here, Shangela wins the lip-sync and the power to eliminate one of the bottom queens. Thus, Thorgy is eliminated, with easily the episode’s best line coming from her: “Oh, Jesus. Gross.”

I feel the same way, sis.

As she’s saying her goodbyes in the werk room, Thorgy receives the same ominous message from Ru on the telly. “Is this gonna explode?” she asks about her RuPaul trophy.

I think she should be more worried about the crazy ladies behind her…

So ends the most rigga morris episode of Drag Race since [enter personal feeling of a queen being robbed here].

Listen, I don’t think Thorgy Thor really had what it takes to win this competition, not compared to Shangela or a few of these other girls. But she deserved to go further than this, and she deserved to go home for a valid reason, not because production decided this was “get rid of Thorgy” week. How Milk has been safe for two weeks straight seriously boggles the mind.

With that bitter rant out of the way, let’s do a rundown!

Milk – I think I’ve said all I need to say about this one.

Aja – Princess Disastah is pulling a Trinity Taylor this season: Everyone and their mother underestimated her coming in, and she’s been slaying left and right. I’m legit rooting for her now.

Chi Chi DeVayne – Another victim of the show’s strange bias this week, Chi Chi was put in the bottom three for … wearing a vest. Awright. She’s on the up and up, though, I can feel it.

Trixie Mattel – Trixie’s role this week mirrored her presence in the premiere; she’s doing a solid, acceptable job, but not really shining. She does, however, continue to be one of the most entertaining queens in confessionals.

Kennedy Davenport – I’m not even a big fan of Kennedy’s, and I’ll still admit I think she did okay this week. The lip-sync performance could’ve used some work, sure. But the flaming chicken! And the reveal! Come on.

BenDeLaCreme – Dela murdered her performance as Julie Andrews, but then quickly gave up when the time came to lip-sync against Shangela. I’m wondering if maybe she wanted to avoid being that one queen who sent home two beloved queens in a row. That can’t be good for your career.

Bebe Zahara Benet – Listen. Mama is fabulous. I love her look, I love her face, I love her attitude. But judging by her high placement this week for essentially standing around making funny faces, it’s clear she’s being given preferential treatment. And that’s not fair to the other girls who’ve worked so hard for this.

Shangela – Shangie is definitely looking like the Shea Couleé of the season, as in, she has no real competition. No one can quite stand up to her talents in this bunch so far. But then, Shea Couleé lost her season, so…

Todrick Hall – Canceled.

Hope I didn’t turn y’all off with my bitterness. I swear I’m usually better than this! Signing off until next week – come back soon!