Tracking Sandwich Eaters

Friday, February 11, 2005

1:29 AM |
Thou Shalt Be Able to Introduce Semen Into the Uterus of Thy Wife With Suction Cups and Other Rules of Etiquette According to the Ayatollah Khomeini

These are excerpts from A Clarification of Questions by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, published in 1985 by the Westview Press. Khomeini's treatise sets out his position on 3,000 questions of everyday life. And what positions these are!

2,631. It is loathsome to eat the meat of a horse, a mule, or a donkey if someone has had coitus with the animal.

2,637. Several things are loathsome (abominable) when eating. First, eating while satiated. Second, excessive eating (it has been said that the God of the World dislikes a full stomach more than anything else). Third, looking at other people's faces while they are eating. Fourth, eating hot food. Fifth, blowing at what one is eating or drinking. Sixth, waiting for something else after the bread has been put on the tablecloth. Seventh, cutting bread with a knife. Eighth, putting bread under a container of food. Ninth, cleaning the meat stuck to a bone so that nothing remains on it. Tenth, peeling fruit.

And, of course...

2,874. It is not unlawful to introduce a man's semen into the uterus of his wife with devices such as suction cups.