True Blood "Save Yourself" recap: Billith Lives

Tuesday

Aug 28, 2012 at 12:01 AMAug 28, 2012 at 11:54 AM

By Jillian Harding

Thanks to feeding on the faerie elder last week, in the finale episode of True Blood’s most ridiculous season, Russell Edgington found himself able to see the faerie hideout. Trying to avoid becoming the Old Country Buffet of faeries, Sookie and the rest of the clan tried to take him out with their microwave fingers to no avail, lest Sookie actually do anything useful for the first time since offing René in Season 1. Thankfully, Eric senses her fear and shows up with Nora just in time to stake Russell and send Steve Newlin running for the hills.

Nora wants to snack on Sookie because she smells like cotton candy, rainbows, and Chipotle to vampires. Eric lays the smackdown, saying that Sookie saved his life on more than one occasion and tells Nora to lock it up seriously a million times. Jason took a pretty nasty wallop to the head, the effect of which being that he’s now hallucinating visions of his parents, who hate vampires and urge him to kill them. Good thing that’s precisely what Eric needs him to do: Sookie, Jason, Eric, Tara, and Nora all head on over to the Authority compound to rescue Bill, Jessica, and Pam from the hot mess that is Lilith.

But surprise, Bill loves Lilith like, a whole lot. I don’t know if I can emphasize it enough, but Bill Compton is a huge dork. As in, every action he’s taken since the show’s conception has been some misguided, lame attempt at “fitting in.” But now he’s an evil dork, which is the worst kind. He proves this by manipulating Salome into killing herself by drinking silver-tainted blood she believes is Lilith’s. RIP Salome and your terrible Halloween wig. We barely knew ye.

Luna and Sam buzz around the Authority disguised as flies, causing Bill to try and Miyagi them into death at one point with an unintentional hilarious effect. They do manage to get to Emma, with Luna skinwalking as Steve Newlin, but in a fabulously weird sequence, Roslyn slaps together an impromptu damage control press conference, where Luna shifts back into Luna on air, vomits black stuff, and tells the entire world that vamps are keeping humans underground as livestock in New Orleans to feed on. Sam kills Roslyn to save Luna by flying into her mouth and shifting back into himself, which is SO GROSS but also kind of romantic. Luna probably dies anyway, for the record, since the next shot is her passing out Tommy Mickens-style.

Eric and Sookie try out a last-ditch effort to get Bill to realize what a complete jerk he's being, but he spews out some ridiculous vampire scripture and calls Sookie an “abomination,” which even Eric thinks is pretty harsh. He then chugs the Lilith blood like a tasty margarita, and immediately turns into a pile of goo. I was so stoked, you guys. Until he RISES UP OUT OF THE GOO PILE and turns into Billith, some sort of feral vampire god, and ugh this means a whole season of sideburns-sporting, “Sookeh is mine, ah tell you” Bill Compton being our big bad villain. Makes you long for the days of Maryann the Maenad, huh?

Other notable events, in no particular order because this is True Blood:

Andy’s faerie mistress Marella gives birth to four girls in the middle of Merlotte’s while Arlene, Holly, and Lafayette watch. Jane Bodehouse, the town alcoholic: “I have no idea what just happened," effectively summing up the entirety of what this show's become. Eric, Nora, Pam, and Tara form a sweet vampire family, which was probably the best part of the episode. Pam and Tara are a couple now, which is awesome, as per Pam’s usual style. They kill pretty much the entire Authority too, so mad props. Alcide rescues the girl he slept with one time from OD-ing in “storyline no one cares about” news because Joe Manganiello was wearing a shirt the entire time. He also pops some V and takes down JD, effectively becoming the new packmaster.

So there you have it, folks: True Blood Season 5, where everything’s made up and the plot doesn’t matter. It has been an insane, nonsensical jumble, but the finale held a lot of promise for Season 6, since it was one of the show’s best episodes since Season 1.

Check out the HBOGo bonus scene aired after the episode here to get a sneak peek at Season 6, where we find out Nora knows something about the mysterious Warlow, to whom Sookie is “promised.” See you in 2013!

Jillian Harding is an aficionado of all things vampire, and she is not ashamed to admit it. From Being Human to Vampire Diaries, from True Blood to Twilight, she’s got it covered. For all your immortal news and undead tidbits, check back on Tuesdays and Thursdays and follow her on Twitter @pburbsbitten.

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