To appreciate my forthcoming anecdote, I’m throwing you a little Broadway. Because, really, all of life’s conundrums have been addressed on the stage.

Why are you telling me? NO! I can’t stand it!

These philosophies are all well and good, but mine suits nearly every possible situation.

For example, today, while standing in line to get a bagel at Murray’s (it wasn’t nearly as busy as the Saturday morning we went, Aunt Debbie and Aunt Carla), a young uptown mom and Anna Wintour lookalike (in both appearance and ATTITUDE) was helping her toddler son pick up some bagel chips he knocked over. I stepped in front of them to read the menu, and the mom jumped up and RUDELY insisted, “I was IN line.” I apologized, and said I was checking out the menu while she’d been squatting on the floor in her high heels and designer handbag. She ROLLED her eyes at me, and I let her and her son regain their precious spot in line. When the line hadn’t moved after a minute or so, she turned to me and said “Would you like to see the menu now?” Zillions of retorts flashed through my mind in a split second, but I settled on this, which I’ve decided will be my go-to comeback:

I’m all set.

Was it polite? Or tinged with contempt? It’s so subtle, you can’t really tell. And that’s why I like it.