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Megan Morgan is an award-winning paranormal and contemporary romance author from Cleveland, Ohio. A mild-mannered airport bar supervisor by day and purveyor of things that go bump in the night, she lives on the often-wintry shores of Lake Erie with her spoiled cat and adult son, both of whom shed too much.

Cat Loaf 101

Today I’m taking a break from talking about writing to share a very important topic: the cat loaf.

My cat loafs a lot. By that I don’t mean she loafs around (though she does that too), but that she is a master of the time-honored cat skill of loafing, wherein the feline tucks their appendages underneath them while lying down, so they look like a loaf of bread.

Buttery, flaky goodness.

If your cat needs lessons on loafing, my cat Francis is here to provide some tips**:

A fat butt makes a better loaf. Eat lots and get chubby. No one likes a flat loaf. If your human won’t feed you enough, yowl and meow all through the night, it will change their mind and get them to do your bidding.

Remember to tuck the tail, too. Loaves of bread don’t have tails!

Glower condescendingly at your human.Taking more damn pictures of you to put on the internet.

Get creative. Loafing doesn’t have to happen in just one place. Try the floor, the couch, the bed, your human’s face, etc… Bonus points if you loaf on an uneven or precarious surface and make your human frown and worry.

Keep your ears perked and stay alert. People like to sneak up on delicious baked goods. Don’t become a sandwich.

If anyone tries to pet you while you’re loafing, act highly offended. It takes a lot of concentration to make a proper loaf and you don’t need distractions.

(**If you think her face looks weird in this picture, it’s because she’s had a dilated left pupil since birth. She closes her eye in direct light to protect it.)