Followed Tags

ARCHIVED - HoHoHo Santa is dead, I have Proof

I got this email a few days ago
There is only one species of reindeer and it definitely can NOT fly! BUT there are perhaps several hunderd thousand species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and microorganisms, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Shinto, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish , Animist, and atheist children, not to mention the bah-humbug non-Santa believers. That reduces his workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,...well good enough.., Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. Whew!
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
Now consider the huge load in the sleigh! Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (almost 1 kg or 2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, non-flying reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake and releasing more energy then a thermonuclear weapon. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, reducing him to a quivering blob of red goo.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Any takers for the job?
[Edited on 12/23/2004 8:02:31 PM]

[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] GameJunkieJim
(Wizard of Oz music)
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] [color=green]Santa[/color]
[color=red][b]Who dares question the Overweight, and wonderful Claus!!!
There would indeed be a discrepancy in timeframe if I delivered those presents by myself...
Haven't you heard of Santa's helpers??
That's right, I have a full blown army of fatties in red suits that run the mall circuit every year. They're each separated by region. I haven't delivered the presents myself since 1931, when Coca-Cola put me on the gravy train with a marketing campaign. Ever since, I've had the capital to employ thousands of members of the Santa Corps, who take the incredible burden of the spreading holiday.
I, as many people know, am immortal. Para Noel is a big faerie after all! So I now use the magic inherent in myself to ensure that the descendants of the original flight crew [i](Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Blitzen, Comet, Cupid, Vixen, and Bartholemew -- Donder was made up by someone trying to fit them into a poem, or something...)[/i] maintain their inherent ability to fly and assist the SC members in tracking homes to deliver gifts. (By the way children, the milk and cookies are nice, but the beer has to stop, I lost 4 Sleighs last year alone)
I am constantly plagued by the rumors and flat out denials on the subject of my existence. Well I'll put it to you this way. I give out free stuff. You behave yourself, I give stuff to you. You doubt me, and I put your ass on the bad kid list, and it's getting huge.
Santa's workshop is no longer the little workshop and house many of you picture. In accordance with ISO 9000 and OSHA requirements, as well as Llewellen telling me we needed to be Y2K compliant 5 years ago, the classic North Pole has spawned 3 factories, and a fully functional airport with GPS uplinking to the Sleigh Fleet. We also have T1. Ho-Ho-w00t!!!!
Anyway -- tonight is my busy night, and so I must leave you all with a parting word: Santa is watching you (By the way Frankie, does your mother know you do that? And while the Cats watching!!!).Please remember the spirit of the Holiday Season.
Special thanks to Jim, for letting me post here under his name. He's been such a good boy this year!
PS: Geronimo? Nietzsche used to burn cats whiskers off and force them to walk balance beams. He got coal when he was 6. Never liked me since...[/b][/color][/quote]
Wow.[/quote]
thats almost as funny as the disproving Santa paragraph. Ho-Ho-w00t. that was classic. *imagines Santa playing Counter Strike*

(Wizard of Oz music)
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] [color=green]Santa[/color]
[color=red][b]Who dares question the Overweight, and wonderful Claus!!!
There would indeed be a discrepancy in timeframe if I delivered those presents by myself...
Haven't you heard of Santa's helpers??
That's right, I have a full blown army of fatties in red suits that run the mall circuit every year. They're each separated by region. I haven't delivered the presents myself since 1931, when Coca-Cola put me on the gravy train with a marketing campaign. Ever since, I've had the capital to employ thousands of members of the Santa Corps, who take the incredible burden of the spreading holiday.
I, as many people know, am immortal. Para Noel is a big faerie after all! So I now use the magic inherent in myself to ensure that the descendants of the original flight crew [i](Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Blitzen, Comet, Cupid, Vixen, and Bartholemew -- Donder was made up by someone trying to fit them into a poem, or something...)[/i] maintain their inherent ability to fly and assist the SC members in tracking homes to deliver gifts. (By the way children, the milk and cookies are nice, but the beer has to stop, I lost 4 Sleighs last year alone)
I am constantly plagued by the rumors and flat out denials on the subject of my existence. Well I'll put it to you this way. I give out free stuff. You behave yourself, I give stuff to you. You doubt me, and I put your ass on the bad kid list, and it's getting huge.
Santa's workshop is no longer the little workshop and house many of you picture. In accordance with ISO 9000 and OSHA requirements, as well as Llewellen telling me we needed to be Y2K compliant 5 years ago, the classic North Pole has spawned 3 factories, and a fully functional airport with GPS uplinking to the Sleigh Fleet. We also have T1. Ho-Ho-w00t!!!!
Anyway -- tonight is my busy night, and so I must leave you all with a parting word: Santa is watching you (By the way Frankie, does your mother know you do that? And while the Cats watching!!!).Please remember the spirit of the Holiday Season.
Special thanks to Jim, for letting me post here under his name. He's been such a good boy this year!
PS: Geronimo? Nietzsche used to burn cats whiskers off and force them to walk balance beams. He got coal when he was 6. Never liked me since...[/b][/color][/quote]
Wow.
[Edited on 12/24/2004 11:09:53 PM]

[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] NewbOnFire
I got this email a few days ago
There is only one species of reindeer and it definitely can NOT fly! BUT there are perhaps several hunderd thousand species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and microorganisms, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Shinto, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish , Animist, and atheist children, not to mention the bah-humbug non-Santa believers. That reduces his workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,...well good enough.., Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. Whew!
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
Now consider the huge load in the sleigh! Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (almost 1 kg or 2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, non-flying reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake and releasing more energy then a thermonuclear weapon. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, reducing him to a quivering blob of red goo.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Any takers for the job?
[/quote]
Get... some... friends...
*dies*

[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] NewbOnFire
I got this email a few days ago
There is only one species of reindeer and it definitely can NOT fly! BUT there are perhaps several hunderd thousand species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and microorganisms, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Shinto, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish , Animist, and atheist children, not to mention the bah-humbug non-Santa believers. That reduces his workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,...well good enough.., Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. Whew!
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
Now consider the huge load in the sleigh! Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (almost 1 kg or 2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, non-flying reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake and releasing more energy then a thermonuclear weapon. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, reducing him to a quivering blob of red goo.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Any takers for the job?
[/quote]
You just copied everything the comunist robot said in that flash on Newgrounds. Don't say you didn't because you did. Unless you didn't.

He said he got it in an email, people.
Halifax, I believe he was kidding in the first place, and was instead just posting some funny random facts in the holiday spirit. I also like the image of exploding reindeer.
If you were kidding also then I'm an idiot.
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] ðcherryð
but your forgetting something, santa has magic powers beyond your comprehension, he can freeze time, go lighting fast, and in his sack is a magic portal to his storage room.
and if there is only 1 species of reindeer, explain rudolf, theres a whole other species out there we havnt found yet (and he just might have a GE/GM lab up there in the north pole)
fye upon your scientific diagnostics!!
a pox upon thee non-beleiver
and someones gettin a big 'ol lump of coal[/quote]
Yay, coal! I can heat my box!
*lights coal*
*box burns down*
Oops...
[Edited on 12/24/2004 1:10:38 AM]

its not that long i read the whole thing in 4 mins
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] South Boy101
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] flamechu
..........................
There's no way in hell I would ever read that all.[/quote]ditto[/quote]

Well guess what, your wrong. The reindeer where sprinkled with pixey dust(or something like that) which enabled them to fly and increased their speed and strangth 10x. Then Santa has this thing which lets him stop time, making his trips faster and so that no one sees him. Oh yah, and his thing also lets him shrink and un-shrink the presents.
You also really need to change the title of this thread. You should say that you have proof that he doesn't exist, not that he's dead. Silly, everyone know that he's imortal.
[Edited on 12/23/2004 8:18:41 PM]

[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] gamingfreak200
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Halifax
I despise math and logic. The only thing I like is truth that you don't have to work for.[/quote]
you need math and logics to find out truth.[/quote]
ok, scratch the logic part. But you definitley don't need math. That is just something to make you calculate things easier and figure out all the stupid little problems in life. Which is why I hate it, no matter how much I need it.