Assassins Creed: Connor Classic Teen Costume

We once volunteered to have Abstergo use an Animus machine to analyze our past lives. We thought we must have come from a great line of legendary assassins, too. We know we’re very stealthy, because no one ever notices us in social situations and we’ve never been caught stealing our coworkers’ lunches from the company fridge except for that one time when Pam saw us eating her frittatas. We’re also deadly in combat, because we won a fight against Jimmy Doohan during recess in fifth grade and we’re really good at Farcry 3. We plugged into the Animus expecting sheer greatness.

The Animus didn’t show us exactly what we hoped for, though. Our great, great grandfather was a goat herder back in Italy, which is cool but not exactly “hidden blade gauntlet cool.” Our great, great, great grandfather was a plumber, which would have been useful if he lived in an area with indoor plumbing. We really hoped to have a revolutionary war hero like Connor Kenway in our family tree, but the closest we’ll ever have to him is our great, great, great, great grandfather who was a combination goat herder and plumber. A lot of goats in our family, for some reason.

It doesn’t matter who we descended from, we know we’re an awesome assassin and we bet you are too! If you love Assassin’s Creed III for its story, its action, and its all-around awesome protagonist Connor, then you too can join the Liberalis Circulum by wearing our officially licensed Connor Classic Costume. You can pop that hood on to blend into crowds right until the moment comes to strike.Do not jump off of bell towers while wearing this, though, no matter how much hay is stacked below you. That’s bad business in real life.