Happy 40th, Dov Charney.

As you can see (click image), tomorrow is the 40th birthday of American Apparel's pants-optional CEO. What're you up to today, Lovy Dovy? Getting your dick licked through cotton? Restocking your dildo humidor? Perhaps, reading over those pesky emails the SEC is investigating? Whatever you do, understand this: this is your last day as a dirty perv. When the clock strikes midnight, you officially become a dirty old perv.Welcome to the demographic.

(click ad) Line reads: "Disconnect for a while. Read a book." Go ahead, Mark Zuckerberg. Sue them. That would be great publicity for your productivity-zapping social network. While certainly not a great ad by Tzomet Sfarim, the largest bookstore chain in Israel, it's at least less offensive then their previous print effort which none-too-subtly slammed stupid blonde bimbos. Btw: befriend copyranter on facebook! (image via)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Ladies—what do think of these Men's Health Magazine ads?

(click ads) The ads are for the German edition of Men's Health, and the translated line reads "It's All About Men." While it's certainly not clear, the message of the campaign appears to be "that's right aging babes, keep exercising you little patooties off...for us men." I'll abstain from a lengthy discussion over the shitty art direction and photography, and get right to the social implications: merely sexist or misogynistic? (images via) Previously in sexist ads. Previously in misogynistic ads.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Branding.

(click image) And this time, the assvertising is not Photoshopped. Dutch ad agency New Message created a branded spanking paddle for Massad, The Netherlands' leading S&M magazine. According to Agency Spy, that's Dutch porn actress Sofia Valentine wielding the sadistic pain delivery tool, which has "Massad the S&M Magazine" (in Dutch) cut out of the paddle. Thus, when Mistress Sofia spanks a submissive, his/her hiney then belongs to the publication and he/she becomes a Massad brand ambASSador (sorry). Perfectly targeted assvertising.Previously in Assvertising.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Link Haze, 1/23/09.

• The crack vial is the new polo player. (link)• Uh...huh-huh. (link)• The digitized youth of America does not live for the moment. (link)• Got a question? Ask the bathroom wall. (link)• Streetwalker-vertising. (link)• The Unfunhouse. (link)• OK, you want something I like? This is a farking excellent commercial. (link)• thanks to Georgina for the video.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ad Creep Update...

Roe v. Wade v. Clarins.

(click image) The 36th anniversary of the landmark decision was yesterday. So a big bravo goes out to French cosmetics company Clarins for the timing of this gift promotion found on Sears.ca by reader Aimee Ouellette. Viva la crassness! Previously in marketing to women.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

copyranter on COILHOUSE: Pattex Glue's semen sculptures

First Bullshit Product of 2009: Men's Tissues.

(click ads) What the fucking hell are "men's tissues?" Are they specifically yet surreptitiously for masturbation? Do they smell like leather? OK, I see, they're "3-ply." I call that a "paper towel." And how's about the inane cliché ads? Pam Anderson and beer? Are all the men in South Africa (the campaign is by TBWA\Hunt\Lascaris in Johannesburg) stupid mooky troglodytes like the chap pictured? (images via) Previously in marketing to men: diamond ads; men's magazine ads; sexist ads.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Bayer Aspirin.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A trillion bucks would buy a lot of Hamburger Helper.

(click ad) Yeah, but have you checked the price of meat lately? You want some seriously cheap financial bailout packages? National Wholesale Liquidators here in NYC, currently holding a going out of business rakes/douche/pussy wax sale, is selling their remaining supply of Ramen instant noodles for half price—16 fucking cents per pack. That's a nutritious, delicious, and judicious meal, General motherfuckin' Mills (via Cossette Communications in Toronto). Previously in cheap, disgusting foodstuffs.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Lego.

"The V-Dub's been drinking, not me."

(click image) Keep your eyes on the road, booze-hund! In Germany, birthplace of the Volkswagen Beetle and enormous beer steins, the Federal Ministry of Transport, Building and Housing recently wanted to raise drunk-driving awareness. So, Berlin ad agency Schloz & Friends created bloodshot googly-eye hub caps for a fleet of Beetles, which were then driven around alcohol-fueled public events. Pretty funny, especially for a government initiative (image via). Previously in anti-drunk driving promos. Previously in VW Beetle advertising.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

"Welcome...to Oopsy Daisy Island!"

"Grimaces everyone...grimaces!"Print ad (click it) supposedly published last month for Vanish-Ink, a laser tattoo removal business located in Charlotte, NC. For you youngsters, Fantasy Island was a corny TV series that starred Ricardo Montalban (right) as Mr. Roarke and Hervé Villechaize (removed) as Tattoo. The two would stand side-by-side (with Tattoo screaming "Da plane, da plane!") waiting for that week's guest stars to disembark from a seaplane. Already a tasteless ad because of Villechaize's 1993 suicide, what makes this ad more macabre is of course the passing of Montalban last week. The responsible agency is Charlotte's MarkedForTrade, who call themselves a "branding group," but whose website is under construction, or down, or nonexistent (image via). Previously in ads with tattoos in them: 1, 2, 3. Related: the tattoo sleeve is one of the stupidest things ever conceived.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Philips Unplugs W.

Monday, January 19, 2009

mini Link Haze, 1/19/09.

• Two products we could probably all make-do without: the Tiffany $1,500 sterling silver tennis ball can; and the Louis Vuitton $8,350 skateboard.• Also, an $8.890 watch...though this is an honest reason to buy.• "BWAHAHA!" is overused in blogging, but this is truly BWAHAHA!• "Manchines."• Fearing a lightning bolt from the sky, a London bus driver has refused to drive one of the atheist ad buses.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

(click ads to read copy)Admittedly, the casting and photography are good, and the copy is creative enough. But this "save the males" anti-metrosexual print campaign via Australian beer Barons is an idea who's time has come and gone (the accompany video has been online for a couple of months). Five years ago, I would have said 'decent approach.' But scores of brands in that time—from deodorants to autos—have beaten the de-balled male stereotype to death. And what's with Karl (lower right), the Cruise dopplegänger (actually, vice-versa)? (images via) Previously in:metrosexuals in advertising. Previously in:outdated sexist beer ads.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: more ad creepage.

DDB Canada brands itself with mismatched boobs.

(click image) Asked by the National Advertising Benevolent Society to submit a monthly page for its 2009 swimsuit calendar(?), the Vancouver office of Doyle Dane Bernbach came up with this Photoshopped woman featuring a DD-cup boob and a B-cup boob (looks more like a C). Not surprisingly, the creative team was all male. You stay benevolent, Great White North ad guys. Previously in bad agency self-promos: one, two.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Beetle Belly.

(click ad) Is that a V-dub in your stomach, or are you just pregnant, baby? In Lebanon recently, A new brood of Beetles was apparently only available by "special delivery." Hopefully, there weren't any breech births! Just imagine the outrage if this ad, via Impact BBDO in Lebanon, ran in the States. Since it's a German car, the Lebanese woman must be married to a foreigner—which, after a very brief look at Lebanese marriage laws, could mean all kinds of problems for the baby Beetle. Or maybe the woman is an adulterer? In which case, her Lebanese husband could legally murder her. It's all very complicated! Previously in VW: I hate this borrowed-interest Beetle print ad! I like these Peter Stormare GTI spots!

copyranter on COILHOUSE: Amboss precision scissors.

What if bugs wore wigs? What if bugs wore hipster wigs? What if there existed a line of German scissors so well-engineered that you could give these Adam Ants haircuts? And, what if you used this scenario as your ad campaign? That would be fucking weird. (link)

Thursday, January 08, 2009

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: more anti-smoking ads made from cigarettes.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

TODAY, in print ads that don't utterly suck...

(click ads for closer look)TOP—Print ad for Cialis, via Grey Toronto, scanned from the latest Archive. Yes, not a great ad, but certainly much better than the flaccid dick stiffener creative work produced in the States. Bottom—via GITAM/BBDO. Any bubble gum ad that doesn't include a bubble gets at least begrudging praise from me. Previously in ads I don't hate...here, here, here, and here.