Question

How can I convince my mother-in-law that safety is more important than saving money when it comes to buying baby stuff?

Share

My well-meaning but cheap mother-in-law buys used baby furniture and toys from garage sales and other secondhand stores for our baby-to-be. This wouldn't be a problem, except she never bothers to check whether the items have been recalled for safety reasons, or pose safety hazards due to wear and tear. She recently picked up an old play yard, even though almost all of these yards have been recalled because they can collapse and suffocate a baby. How can I convince her that safety is more important than frugality?

Mom Answers

I guess I'm lucky. My mother-in-law is very safe with my little ones. When I was still pregnant with my daughter; my husband and I decided to get away for the weekend, and she was watching our 13 month old son. She was going to take him to town and go shopping for him and his newest siblining-to-be. To make a long story short...she couldnt figure out how to strap him into his careast so the stayed home. When she came to watch him when I went into the hospital, we made sure she knew how to strap him in so he could come see me; plus his big sister (16 years old) was here to help out too.
The problem I have is that she likes to buy them everything LOL. I guess that's not too bad; but we had to tell her that as they get older, they will have to learn to "work" for what they really want (we want to make sure that they have a good work ethic).

when my ds was under a year old (he is now 4) my future mil (his dad and i aren't married yet) got all used stuff for him. some of it wasn't so bad and i was thankful for the stuff but other things i didn't like one bit. like the travel swing that easily fell over and was really easy for the huge dog to get to. or he walker i refuse to use (i don't care if it's new used or he best i don't believe in them. i told df i din't like him and why and he agrees wih me. well his mom got our son one and i told her we wouldn't use it. she pitched a fit and told us to leave and not come back. so we grabbed what we could and went to my house. she colled off and we went back a week or so later. but we haven' beeen here since our ds was bout 2.5. my advice is stand your ground they mean well and inspect the items urself. some things may not be bad and others are not as good. it's ur child not hers.

Just a suggestion for everyone; if you already have or were given an item that you know is dangerous, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not donate it or garage sale it...DESTROY IT. Otherwise you are just passing the danger on to another family.

I so understand my mother is the queen of yardsales so we inspect what she brings & thankfully she lives in another state and use the good & donate or throw away the rest. My MIL on the other hand is clueless & refuses to use a carseat w/DH only part tiem we cant afford daycare & were going to try her till I found out she wasnt using the carseat we gave her (new,matches what we use) & I pulled the plug. My cousin watches him now & has the carseat. Plus MIL house & cooking not the best place for a kid still dont understand how she got custdody of my nephews through CPS & never used a carseat for the 3 year old. Which of course is her excuse w/my son I've never killed any of the other grandkids. Well sorry they arent my kids so I get to say what goes w/ him. I wouldn't even leave him alone w/her till after he was a year old my 13 yr old had to go to keep an eye on her as I was sure she would kill him because she swore he wasnt my husbands sorry looks & acts just like DH no denying him.

I think if it's an in-law problem than the other spouse (i.e., the one whose parent is making trouble) should deal with it. The best way to do so IMO is to invoke the pediatrician - as in, "Well, that's nice of you to offer but our pediatrician instructed us for safety reasons only to use a brand new carseat, a play yard less than 5 years old, etc." This also comes in handy with disputes over placing the baby to sleep on his/her back, not feeding cereal to newborns, etc. Mention the pediatrician and it makes your position harder to contradict and easier to accept from a pride standpoint. Our mothers, MILs, and grandparents probably feel like they're being criticized b/c we parent differently from the way they did. I know my mother feels this way about bfing - she just doesn't get why it's so important to me and my sister. I imagine it will be hard for us when our kids have kids of their own and do things differently - hopefully we'll remember what it's like being in their shoes!

I seriously don't see what the problem is, if people want to vent I understand, but come ON. YOU are the parent, and therefore make the decisions for your child's safety. Learn to say "no". Maybe use some nasty passive-aggressive tactics like saying to offenders: "What's WRONG with you? Don't you care about XYZ and want him/her to be safe?"
Mostly, just remember this simple mantra: your child's safety is far, far more important than anyone's feelings. Would you rather have a peeved in-law or a dead child?

whew!
as a Mother-In-Law, I surely wish one person had posted that their motherinlaw had a brain cell and some current common sense!! I bought a NEW carseat for my car and had it installed by SafeKids! I bought locks for sliding glass doors, corner protectors for coffee tables, and a new stroller for trips to the park. I understand the trust SHE has to give me time with my granddaughter, and I never, ever take that trust for granted. Haze

How about everyone stops being so paranoid about everything! Most people who are giving youused gifts are thinking about the safety issues. They think they are doing a nice thing. Explain your position politely, be gracious of their thoughtfulness and stop being so paranoid. Pacifiers from flea markets can be bleached and sterilized, car seats can have new straps (if they aren't expired), play pens are not massive death traps - if you follow instructions. And you know folks - Our parents and grandparents DID raise XXX number of kids in jumperoos, no carseats, sleeping on our tummies, feeding us whole milk, cereal and a slew of other things that modern medicine would scoff at. Not all of modern medecine's suggestions are because the old way was so bad. Sometimes it's just to sell a new item or charge you more for a newer version. My son has had all kinds of used thrift store items and we are very careful.But you know what he slept on his tummy and he isn't dead! Relax and enjoy!

I have a little bit of a problem with used baby gear as well, but it is a little bit of a different problem. My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby and we have several family members who have already had babies and all of them are offering us their used baby gear. I know where all of this gear came from and I know that all of it is in good condition and perfectly safe. I also feel like I should be grateful, and I am, but as much as I appreciate their generousity a part of me wants to get some of my own baby gear. I don't mind taking a few things and I have, but they are offering me everything. I know that many people would be happy to be in our position and I am grateful, but I would like to get at least a few things new. I don't know does anyone else feel the way I do.

Don't underestimate the shock value of what you read; share some of the articles etc you have read with your MIL so she understands better some of the hazards and why you cannot/ will not use the items. It may not stop her from buying the used items but maybe she will think twice before she does. You can also appeal to her sense of frugality: she could buy something new and moderately priced that you will use rather than tons of old stuff that you are only going to throw away. Its one thing to recieve gently used items from friends or family but another matter entirely to receive items whose owners and age of the item are a complete mystery. Stick to your guns, you can never be to cautious when it comes to your baby. As a mother to be, I understand the safety concerns that you may have. Wanting to ensure the safety of your child does not make you selfish. It shows that you want the best for your child; best in this case defined as safest not most expensive.

This Internet site provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your own health or the health of your child, you should always consult with a physician or other healthcare professional. Please review the Terms of Use before using this site. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by the Terms of Use.

This site is published by BabyCenter, L.L.C., which is responsible for its contents as further described and qualified in the Terms of Use.