Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Everything's Going To Be All Right and... Christmas Music!

Everything's Going To Be All Right and... Christmas Music!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I sit here staring at my computer monitor, I let my eyes slowly go out of focus, while focusing... on the colored lights reflecting there. The lights are on the little Christmas tree on the dining table behind me.

I listen closely... to the Christmas music playing on the tv... I have turned the channel to 801... for holiday music. These things are bringing me comfort.

I close my eyes to listen to both music, and the soft, airy sound of the central air unit... I can feel the warm air. All makes me relaxed... I could go back to bed, sleep.

I look down at my keyboard... I think... 'what can I write about today?' I see an envelope I've painted flowers on, addressed to a friend... even I like the artwork I did ... I wanted my mail to be special. I've always painted, drawn on my envelopes ...they bring smiles to people. I love when I receive such.

I hear happy bells, people singing ... 'ding-dong, ding-dong..Christmas bells are ringing' in the background. I can imagine a group of people of all ages, with red cheeks, dressed in vintage garb, standing in the snow by a nightlight... the globe looking like an old-time lantern. The snow softly falling as they... softly sing....

'Santa looked a lot like daddy, daddy looked a lot like him'..... is playing now. I felt a smile... we adults know 'why'.... when we are so young... believing in Santa Claus was so magical, wondrous, so... real! I believed, I really believed! I was still very young, living in Hell... when I began to realize that Santa Claus didn't know I was in the world... but, he did remember all the children around me. I never understood until... I was an adult. Grandma Alma, George didn't have money... when living in Hell... there wasn't much of anything. Strangely enough, they had a lot of love, though.

I stare out the window on the door. Oh, what a most beautiful winter sky. It's almost daylight... I see the softest pink mixing with blue, white.... with a golden light beginning to shine through. I feel so fortunate to get to see such... usually people are asleep at this time. I don't know if young people notice as they stand at bus stops, waiting for their bus. I would think their minds are on their exciting, young lives... and what they'll do at school. Maybe... be nervous about a test coming up.

I look out at my Expedition ... it's an older model, but... still looks new from being taken care of. I really like my 'truck'... for me, it's ... perfect. For the time being, it looks as if it is covered in shiny diamonds... with golden light beginning to shine on it. Soon, the diamonds will melt away! My favorite jewelry in the whole world are diamonds, and yellow gold.

If I chose another stone, I would maybe choose an emerald... because it's green. My eyes are green (hazel). My most favorite stone after diamonds are the amethyst... my birthstone... my birthday is February 14th. I love 'purple and green'... somehow, these colors are 'magical' for me. :))) I believe in magic.... I believe in miracles... I believe in strange things... I pay attention to 'odd'.... I love 'good things happening to others, myself, my loved ones'.

I see Skip in my mind... his special smile for me. I hear him say 'I love you'... in my mind, I say 'I love you, too.' I turn from my computer screen, see two Pups lying on the couch, love seat in the living room. They are sleeping so peacefully... Kissy just snored as if he knew I was writing about him. The Christmas music comforts them, as it does me.

Music... is 'everything', don't you agree? Everything we do special... there's music. When one has a happy birthday, there are special songs for them. When watching tv... there are songs for buying toliet tissue, for getting rid of heartburn, mopping our floors... so, we can do all in a 'merry' way. On our programs there's music to let us know when we should laugh, cry, be afraid......

We can't wait to go buy things while the 'music is in our heads'....... I know better, but.. sometimes, I let myself get caught up in it. I will go buy something because 'the music is in my head'.... :))) I will 'see in my mind' the commercial... I want that!

I see a big snowman! He has on a shiny,black hat ... on it are red holly berries, holly leaves. They are attached to the velvety Christmas green band that goes around it. He has on a matching velvety Christmas green coat... oh, his mittens are red! His face... are two big blue eyes that twinkle! His nose is a piece of black coal... his mouth is like a banana laying on its side.... it's smiling so happy, I can see his pink tongue! Happy snowman! Beside him is a huge... Christmas gift wrapped in gold, ribbon of red... whose name is on the tag? It's..... mine, of course! :)))

Silly, fun thoughts keep coming as I sit here listening to holiday music. For now, they are comforting, good thoughts. I'll think all them that I can. I will try to fill me up with good, happy, comforting thoughts... to last me through the Christmas holidays. I hope they don't go away... I need them. This will be the third Christmas since Tommy went to Heaven...... I felt sadness... I need to ...go back to my happy thoughts!

But, my mind goes to Tommy... it always does. No matter the smiles, laughter, funny things............ I miss my son. I wish for my son. You just can't understand unless you've lost your child... but, I know you can 'feel, sense'... I really try to tell you honestly the pain that I experience. I tell you so, you can know.

So, if someone in your life is like me... you might understand them better. The pain is greater than any... this mother has ever known in her entire life. The pain can make one feel like a baby again, crying their heart out, curled in a fetal position.... for so long, like a baby... I couldn't 'see anything in front of me'... I was in the greatest of pain. Nothing around me 'was there'... I didn't see it. That world of darkness....

I am like the sunshine in the clear blue, white sky... for a moment a cloud just passed by my smiling face! It's all right now! I'm okay. Sometimes, this happens.... until the winds of time gently blow it on by... so, I can shine brightly once again. Everything is going to be all right.....

Jingle bell, Jingle bell time... is a swell time! I love this time of the year! That's the Jingle Bell Rock! I love that Christmas... music! Now, if I could find me a 'one horse sleigh'.... oh, and some .... snow! Everything is going to be .... all right.

My Mother, Daisy Earlene

My Beautiful Mother, Daisy Earlene Strother

My Authorgraph For My Published Books

Camie (Precious Camo) https://facebook.com/camocameobates

This is the Puppy I rescued... slowly she is getting well... she was dying on a cold, wet ground

My Grandson, Taban

Playing Football

My Grandson, Taban (Spy)

This is 'why' I'm called Granny Gee

Granny Gee's Grandson, Taban... Tommy's Son

This is 'why' I'm called Granny Gee

My Grandson, Taban... Tommy's Son

This is 'why' I'm called Granny Gee

CAMIE... Precious Camo

Come follow Camie's journey as her little body heals ... I rescued her from death's door... where she lay on the cold, wet ground... dying.

This little Puppy has been on the most painful path in her life. Her skin has been one 'open sore' on her whole body.

With everyone's help with prayers, donations... Camie is slowly getting well. She has suffered so much. She doesn't have to, now... not when she has 'all of us'...

Thank-you from my very Heart for you continuous donations... for your healing prayers, thoughts.

You can call, donate at her veterinarian in Louisburg, NC if you'd like. They will put the money directly on her account, deduct it as Camie goes each week for her injection, any medical treatment needed.

By the way... the staff, veterinarian... Dr. David Fontenot... are animal lovers... good people. We love them.

Here's the info to donate at (please don't feel obligated to... we will take care of Camie the best way we can... thank-you if you do!):

Author of ... I CRY FOR TOMMY and When She's Good... She's Good

Request 'authorgraph'... :)))

Gloria Faye Brown Bates...Author

You can request an 'authorgraph'... watch me try to write with a mouse! :)))

Grief Is Like This...

To those of you who have never lost a child, remember this... grief doesn't just 'stop'. It may ease off for a while, only to come back full-force. It may come back softly... no one can predict grief, nor can they predict the severity of it.

When I write about grief, I welcome you to come to 'see'... without actually having to experience it in your life. Come quietly, read... and go on with your life. Love your children with your heart... I pray that you never lose one to know ... personally what I write about.

See... reading about 'my grief'... can make you treasure your children who are here, whom you love with your very heart.

Leave my blog, and love your children... more... while you have your chance. My chance is... gone. My son has died... he is here no more... my chance to love him more is 'forever' gone... yours, isn't.

Thankfully, I told my son I loved him always... that has been my only comfort through this time.

My blog is about grief for the loss of my child... it will always be just that... no matter how happy I am, or what I write about.

I will come here to write about grief as it happens. You don't even have to leave a comment... just slip in, read quietly, leave and go about your life; go out of your way to let your children know how you treasure them.

Don't worry about me... I've known pain all my life... I will do like always... I will face it 'head-on'... I might cry a lot, but... I will continue getting back up. Do you know why? Because, no matter what, I still believe somehow... everything will be alright.

Just remember, when you visit my blog... no matter what I write, or feel... this blog is about pure grief, about the loss of my son, Tommy.

Grief is sure to come most unexpectedly ... like the waves the sea tosses upon the sand... sometimes, crashing violently... sometimes, in a gentle way.

All it takes is a memory, a scent, seeing someone who looks like... I am like the sand, always changing with the tides, but... always there... as the waves of grief wash over me.

Sometimes, I can let go, be happy, all will be normal again... until a storm comes up in the ocean, sending big waves my way. The sun will be hidden by the gray sky, taking my happiness away... I begin ... all over again, and ... again.

I keep smiling through my tears. Everything will be alright... again... until the next time. Grief is like this...

Granny Gee's Life...The Colors of My Life

The happy colors in my life are my husband, Skip and our Pups. On May 29, 2010... my only child, my son Tommy died. I became lost in life on a long, dark path on my journey looking for sunshine again. I almost never came back.. Skip wouldn't let me go. He is my hero, my best friend, my world. I love you my husband.

Artwork by Gloria ... in memory of Tommy

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My Authorgraph For My Published Books

BLOGGER STAT COUNTER..placed here on Memorial Day 2012... People Who Visit

One of the new designs for my card

Author Card...

My Son, Tommy's Last Photo... May 29, 2010

Tommy collapsed just a short time after they arrived at Myrtle Beach while playing with Taban...

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I gave Tommy gold nugget (my class ring)... he wore until the moment he went to heaven...May 29, 2010

My Handsome Son, Tommy

I Miss You, Son.... I'll Never Forget You

'Bottle Of Light'... This soothes, comforts me...

I love this photo, I wanted it here... twice

My Son, Tommy, has gone to Heaven now...

I am lucky to have photos of Tommy, us. We lost all in a house fire December 2004. I had a huge suitcase of photos upstairs that were damaged by water, and fire. So, if you see imperfections in my photos... it's because of that.

Tommy walked into Heaven on May 29, 2010 from the sand at Myrtle Beach. He was doing something he'd been looking so forward to doing.... playing his first time at the beach with his little 3 year old son, Taban.

I'll never forget him standing on the deck the evening before, smiling his big, happy 'Tommy' smile, saying he was looking forward to playing with his son for the first time, at the beach.

Tommy had changed his mind, no one knew 'why'.... to not going with the family to Myrtle Beach... to going. It was his last trip... his first, last time to play with Taban, his little son.

They were running, squealing with joy, laughing ...Tommy was sending me photos on his cellphone to my computer back home. His fingers slipped off the video ... he collapsed there on the sand.

The phone rung, the caller ID showed Tommy was calling! I answered it, my mind became confused as I realized it wasn't Tommy, but.. a strange man's voice saying.... 'I have a man lying here on the beach, he's not breathing'!

My life forever changed ... he was my only child whom I loved with my very heart. Tommy had 2 blockages in his heart... no one knew... he was only 40 years old.

I am keeping my son's memory alive, my memory alive for my grandchildren... Taban and McKenzie. I don't have family left who can do that for me. I sit and write my life's stories, my thoughts here ....everyday. I will write until the day ... I die. Tommy nor I, nor Skip ... our Pups ... will ever be forgotten. I hope my grandchildren will one day read this to know... that we loved them, I loved them.... that they were indeed ... thought of .... often.

You will see a mother who has fought her way back from a very dark place to be here now. You will see a mother's real grief here and how she learns from all that's happened in her life. I will write here how grief happens 'out of the blue'... let you know how it feels as it happens. I pray that you never lose a child to know personally how it feels. It's unlike anything you've ever experienced.

I would like to grow older gracefully, not old...mean, bitter or angry. I love the light of the sunshine warming my heart and soul... not letting any dark places remain there.

I can 'see' now on my life's path... I want to live. The light on my path shows me exactly where to go... it used to be so cold, dark... I was a lost soul for over 2 years.

You, my readers... friends... family mean the world to me. Each day I look forward to talking to you, you talking to me.

Thank you for being here for me.

Love, Granny Gee / aka Gloria Faye Brown Bates :)))

My Handsome Son...

Tommy...

Tommy ... My Precious Son

Lucky To Have Photos... They Survived House Fire... Dec. 2004

My Son and I...

Gloria and Tommy...

Contact me by email:

gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com

Taban and McKenzie...

My Only Grandchildren...

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COLORS OF MY LIFE... ME, GRANNY GEE

I love colors... sunshine colors of yellow and goldColors that I can see, holdHappy colors of pink, blue and greenColors of all kinds, almost every color I've ever seenThey lift me up, they pull me downI look for happy colors all aroundDark colors can be very sadBright colors can make me so gladTo be alive, to be able to walkTo see, to be able to talkI'm so thankful for all I have in my lifeOur special pups, and to be Skip's wifeColors, colors, colors of every kindLife stories they are, stories that are... mine.

Special Gift of 4 Books Made For Me From My Friend, Mezza Mary McGee

My 'Book'... Where I put my chapters as I write them

One of the Treasured Books My Friend, Mezza (Mary McGee)... Made & Sent To Me

6 Months (4 Books) of my Blog: Colors In My Life

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Granny Gee/Gloria

Knott's Berry Farm... Anahiem, California

Tommy and Gloria

Son and Mother

Tommy

My Precious Son

Tommy

My Precious Son...

Tommy, My Precious Son

Xmas Ornament given to me by Taban's mother

Photo of Tommy Sits on His Chest

Photo taken when he was meeting his daughter, McKenzie

Gloria/Granny Gee's Truck Driving Days...

It's my turn to drive! Getting ready to enter New Mexico... 1994

Skip & Gloria...1983...St. Augustine, Florida

Soul Mates, Best Friends, Love Forever

Sweet Chadwick Relaxing... November 2012

Five Years Old... Precious...

Kissy Fairchild Relaxing...November 2012

A Huge Couch ... A Huge 2 Yr. Old Puppy

Gloria/Granny Gee 2012

Gloria Faye Brown Bates ...2012

Skip and Kissy Fairchild

Skip and Kissy Fairchild

Sweet Chadwick

Our Perfect Mixed Pup ... our Coy Doy

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