She expressed a desire to re-watch IV and V to “get a better idea of what’s going on”. And was legitimately surprised at the “other” major plot twist. Huzzah!

As for me, Hilton was absolutely correct in saying that VI is far better with the extended “flashback” story of II and III. Luke’s struggle to save his father seemed all the more noble, his conflict that much more meaningful knowing how bad his father failed, and the overall conclusion that much more wretched due to Lucas’s post-release vomit-fest of an edited celebration.

So, of course, I wrote drinking game rules for the saga. Some rules can span multiple films, but I’ve grouped them for meaningful digestion. I hope you enjoy Machete-ing these films as much as I did, and for gods sake, save yourself some pain and get the original releases, or just get down with Episode IV + martini’s and have a blast.

Drink every time…

Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope

There is a blaster casualty

A main character appears on screen or is introduced for the first time

R2D2’s third leg is exposed

Luke displays childlike naivety

Darth Vader chokes-a-bitch

“I have a bad feeling about this”

DEATH RULE

Drink every time you see spaceship thrusters.

Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

Sexual tension/insinuation appears

Anyone says “Degobah”

You see an impressive demonstration/use of the Force

The hyperdrive fails

DEATH RULE

Drink every time a stormtrooper perishes.

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

Anakin’s rattail is exposed

Anakin is referred to as “Annie”

Obi-Wan is a baller

Anyone is sitting in a group making administrative decisions

DEATH RULE

Drink for egregious lightsaber twirling.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

Anyone is sitting in a group making administrative decisions (really George? REALLY?)

The Force reveals the future, or the future revealed by the Force occurs

Yoda’s talking method is abused by the script writers

Darth Vader chokes-a-bitch

DEATH RULE

Drink every time a dialogue’s primary intent is to entertain children.