From Doughnut to Bacon: A Blind Taste Test of Flavored Vodkas

Walk into a liquor store these days and you’ll find a dizzying array of novelty vodka flavors, from bacon to Cinnabon. (Yes, your favorite mall pastry can now get you drunk. Cheers.)
Naturally, this begs the question: Does Cinnabon vodka actually taste like Cinnabons? Does bacon vodka actually taste like bacon? More importantly, do any of these vodkas actually taste good?

We put our most happy-hour-loving staff through a blind taste test to see if they could match six flavored vodkas to their real food counterparts — and to get their opinion on whether they’d knock back another pour.

Flavor:PB&JBlind Tester: Alison Schwartz, Associate EditorBest Guess: Chocolate bubblegum. (Ed. note: Chocolate bubblegum?! Actually, that’s no crazier than PB&J, never mind.)Real Flavor Reveal: Schwartz agreed she could taste the nutty, buttery flavor. The jelly, not so much.The Last Word: “I could kinda, maybe, sorta drink this straight. …But what would happen if I muddled this with berries? Impossible is nothing.”

Left: Courtesy Bakon Vodka; Right: Getty

Flavor:BaconBlind Tester: Ben Trivett, Photo EditorBest Guess: Chili/pepperReal Flavor Reveal: “Blasphemous! Alcohol should not be mixed with meat!”The Last Word: When we added the savory spirit to a cocktail mix, Trivett was sold. “In a Bloody Mary, it was very delicious.” May the record also show that two other staffers could not stop raving about the bacon Bloody.

Left: Courtesy Smirnoff; Right: Getty

Flavor:Fluffed Marshmallow (Ed. note: Is there such a thing as an unfluffed marshmallow?)Blind Tester: Katie Kauss, Visual Projects EditorBest Guess: Cotton candyReal Flavor Reveal: “Fluffed marshmallow should be on a s’more!”The Last Word: You may not be able to toast this over an open flame, but maybe you should enjoy it in a warm beverage: “This would actually be great mixed in a hot chocolate.”

Flavor:Tropical fruit (Ed. note: Despite the “Loopy” name, rainbow coloring and suggestive logo of overlapping circles, there is no explicit reference to a popular breakfast cereal anywhere on this bottle or in its marketing.)Blind Tester: Rachel Horner, Freelance WriterBest Guess: Froot Loops/Fruity PebblesReal Flavor Reveal: Our unsurprised tester could even tell from the smell: “It was sweet but in a fruity way rather than overly sugary.”The Last Word: “I would drink this by itself with no mixer, but think it would also taste delicious simply mixed with Sprite.”

I wouldn’t want to even try any of this fake flavored vodka! Sophisticated drinkers create our own “real” flavored vodka by soaking fresh fruit, etc.

These bottles are for people who drink wine out of boxes.

Diane on May 29th, 2014

Hmmm…sounds interesting. I would give them a try. I enjoy Crown Royal Maple which, when mixed with Diet Coke, tastes like french toast.
The bacon has me a little concerned, but I’ll try almost any alcohol once.