Theres this pain in my chest that reminds me that I probably never make it

I’ll never be able to “show my true colors” I’m not sure who I am. I don’t know what my favorite things r I never care and I don’t think anyone ever will either. Will I ever find out what my goals for life are and would I even be able to achieve them

I feel like I don’t want myself. It’s kinda like I have no faith or hope in myself

Ive been feeling really empty lately I can’t even cry I’m just empty I don’t sleep I don’t eat I don’t feel

im always overthinking everything and nothing that I ever do is enough. I pretty much think everything I do isn’t right. I feel like I’ll never be enough for anyone bc I’m not even enough for myself. I degrade myself without even knowing it.

For so long I’ve been trying to have a reason to stay. I stay bc of my family and friends and the fear of going to hell. But 90% I don’t care about anything I don’t wanna stay

i think it’s the people around me their negativity and they’re constantly bringing me down I can’t take it anymore

no one ever cares about me like they say they do. No one ever wants to listen to me, especially when I’m at my breaking point everyone just disappears

i feel like I’m lacking inspiration and individuality but in my situation I’ll never be able to be independent

I will always be property and it sucks I want to be a someone I want to be able to go to college, be able to drive, get a job, have my own apartment, have a choice of who I am to marry you know I actually want to fall in love

but that’s not the life for me

my life is married before 23 to a man my parents pick who probably has other wives or kids from other women or possibly twice my age then I’m expected to be pregnant a month after marriage and that’s it I stay home cook and clean it doesn’t matter what I want to be

and the thing is speaking up will get u in a worse situation so tell me how am I supposed to get out of this situation I can’t move out I only get married

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy or have the feeling of fulfillment

I’ve seen so many of my fellow females get married never have I ever heard that they were happy or content

If you want to have a life and do what you want and not be forced to marry, you can leave- you’ll just be excommunicated from your family. As long as you have a job and can support yourself financially, you can do it. It’s your life, and your soul that is at stake, so might be worth it to do just that. Your alternative is being stuck in a life and in a situation you hate. So weigh your options. Giving up family isn’t as bad as giving up your soul or your will to live.

Your time is NOW- do it while you still can- BEFORE you get stuck with a baby, and then how are you going to get out of it? There are a lot of people who ran away from cults, their family, etc. You can do it if you plan it all out. You CAN leave. You’ll just have to give up your family. If you choose your family, well…then this is the life you will be stuck with.

I don’t have a job I have no money. My parents put me out of school and if I did run away wouldn’t I be brought back home. I have contacted CPS for help but they claimed that they cannot interfer with culture it’s like they gave no flips.

CPS is limited in their capability to help (in many kinds of cases, not just yours). Maybe you could find other organizations that deal specifically with women/abuse/etc that could give you advice. These places deal specifically with women who are stuck, have no money, or have a hard time getting help.

I don’t think it hurts to google some of those places, make some calls, talk to some people. You might just find someone who can help, in some way.