Saturday, July 30, 2011

After Big Guy put his two cents in on the Debt Ceiling negotiations yesterday morning, the stock market responded, slumping into the summer doldrums:

Although the dive may have been due to reports just out on our anemic GDP (no doubt due to the R-words dragging their feet on resolving the debt crisis that Bush caused):

According to the Commerce Department numbers released Friday, the U.S. economy is growing at just 1.3 percent. Maybe. First quarter growth, initially reported as a disappointing 1.9 percent, was revised drastically down to just 0.4 percent. Those numbers are depressing enough. The downward revision of first quarter growth suggests that even the woeful second quarter number may be optimistic. And it comes after five consecutive quarters of a slowing economy…

Or maybe it’s the surprisingly bad unemployment situation (also due to the R-words dragging their feet on resolving the debt crisis that Bush caused):

Unemployment has risen for three consecutive months. It’s now 9.2 percent. Nearly half of the unemployed have been seeking work for longer than six months—the highest long-term unemployment rate since the Great Depression. And the GDP numbers out Friday suggest that many more American workers will be added to the unemployment rolls in the coming months.

Boy! That’s a lot of bad economic news! So yesterday morning, Big Guy issued his bottom line on the debt crisis: “Fix It!” Because that’s what leaders do: they issue ultimatums.

And then he did what he always does under these circumstances – no, not blame Bush (we already did that earlier this week). He changed the subject. So he called in his auto executives yesterday morning to give them their marching orders too:

Auto execs called to BO’s meeting: a bunch of angry white guys

This provided photo ops of Big Guy issuing his second ultimatum in just one day. This one was leveled at auto execs, who’ve been dragging their feet on increasing fuel efficiency standards:

CAFE standards doubled: Just Do It! Because I’m the President. WTF.

That’s nearly double currently mandated federal fuel standards. Butt don’t worry: this mandate doesn’t defy the laws of physics, like global warming does. Even the car guys say it’s doable. It just requires the production of tiny tin can cars that people hate, butt we’ll just have to get used to them, because they’re a balanced approach to fuel economy.

We may have to downsize our Obama-mobile for the 2012 campaign - in order to WTF.

So here’s my question: if Big Guy can double fuel standards just by waving his magic wand, why can’t he cut our national debt in half?

Allow me to summarize the current GOP/Dem loggerhead on the Hill:

Which explains why, in his weekly radio address today, Big Guy firmly placed the blame for this log jam where it belongs: with the R-words:

And I have to say, Democrats in Congress and some Senate Republicans have been listening and have shown themselves willing to make compromises to solve this crisis. Now all of us – including Republicans in the House of Representatives – need to demonstrate the same kind of responsibility that the American people show every day. The time for putting party first is over.

Got it? Putting party first is irresponsible. The R-words should be more like Democrats.

Like Harry “let’s tighten our belt and hike up our pants” Reid:

Or Nancy “WTF” Pelosi:

And Timmy “what part of the debt crisis do you find amusing” Geithner:

Or even Lady M, who knows the value of a good party better than most:

“Just deal with this debt thing Buh-rock, because I’m going to the Vineyard with or without you.”