Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, who once strapped his dog to the roof of the family station wagon before embarking on a road trip, has again chosen to thumb his nose at the all-important dog vote by throwing a fundraising birthday party for his wife Ann at the house of Frederick Malek III. While to most people, Malek is just another rich guy who respects Romney's Reaganesque hair, to dogs, Malek is a living terror — when he was a youth, he was arrested for animal cruelty after police discovered that he and some friends had killed and barbecued a dog. What the everloving hell is wrong with Mitt Romney?

Fred Malek III has had a long, illustrious career in politics— he's worked for President Nixon and the first, less-shitty of the Presidents Bush. In 2008, he served as the National Finance Co-Chair of John McCain's Presidential campaign. He's had a formidable business career as well, serving important roles with Mariott and the Carlyle Group and Northwest Airlines. But before any of this, he was just a young, drunk, blood-covered West Point graduate standing around a spit containing a slowly rotating, skinned dog.

In 1959, a police officer in Peoria, Illinois, discovered five young men acting about as suspiciously as a person could act in one of the city's parks. By "suspiciously," I mean like villain being questioned for murder in an episode of CSI: Miami suspiciously— they were covered in blood (as was the inside of their car), and three of them appeared to be burying something. Turns out, the blood was animal blood. And later, officers discovered a skinned dog on a spit elsewhere in the park, a liquor bottle nearby, which is a visual horrific enough to sort of make you wish that the blood on the men's clothes had been human blood.