Halloweird

Buongiorno! I certainly did not have the Halloween weekend I was or you were expecting. Sometimes plans and expectations fall flat. Things change.

This is not to say I didn’t have enough fun Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights to compensate for missing one possibly epic night out in Athens. Thursday, for example:

Groovy, baby.

And Muffin and I enjoyed ourselves:

Frightening face on my part. Muff looks fab, though.

Friday was also excellent. After a 7pm concert, I went out with one of my Women’s Chorale ladies, K.C.:

Confused?

Which eventually led to dancing on booths:

Insanity.

And then things shifted. In order to maintain respectful privacy, I can’t go into as much detail as I’d like. But because she’s an enormous part of my life, I can’t ignore it. I blew up at my best friend in the whole world. Things are changing, and I can’t handle it. Rather, I needed time to reflect on things that are going on, and I didn’t handle it well.

Yep, I got mad at Muffin. I was hurt, yelled and then stormed away. And I haven’t talked to her since. This is, of course, gnawing at me. So I walked home Friday night crying and feeling sorry for myself.

Have you ever been through a horrible break-up, and the second you wake up from dream land the next day, the reality comes storming into your head, and you want nothing but for it to go away? For things to go back to normal? That was Saturday morning. When I heard my phone bing with the sound of a text message from MamaJ, randomly offering to come get me and take me home, I took her up on her offer. She didn’t even know I was upset when she sent the message.

Maybe I ran away from facing the problems. Maybe I’m a bit dramatic. Either way, I’m happy I’ve come home. Had I not, I wouldn’t now realize my shortcomings, the ugly sides of me on which I need to work. Had I not, I wouldn’t have been able to see family members I haven’t seen in over a year. Had I not, I wouldn’t have been able to discuss my living situation (or lack there of) for winter break.

But in all honesty, I wish I would have talked to my partner in crime before coming home. I hate confrontation and am worried about what’s to come. I know we’ll be fine. I’m just worried at the moment. And I’m sharing this because I want to share as much as I can with you all, who I consider to be friends. Trying to keep things real.

Anyway, I have had a joyous time with mi familia having since come home. Before MamaJ picked me up, I ate this gorgeous breakfast:

Cinnamon banana pumpkin and peanut butter toast.

Later that night, we met up with my uncle and his girlfriend for dinner at P.F. Changs. It was so great to see them! I hadn’t seen them for almost two years. Don’t let that happen, peeps. Dinner was lovely:

Coconut curry tofu. Ate all a dat.

We also hit up the pub that night, and I drove us all home supah late. My parents are party animals 😉 Kidding.

Saturday morn I managed to whip up some scrumptious quick oats, cooked the same way I make old-fashioned rolled oatlets:

Oats with pumpkin butter, banana, cinnamon and almond butter.

That afternoon we visited Matty Rich, who was hosting my cousin Chris for the weekend. Also amazing to see him, as it’s been a ridiculously long time since we last saw each other. The boys were starving, so we went to the closest restaurant to Matty’s dorm. Perkins, you were a challenge:

After dinner, Mumsy and I watched Bride Wars. Holy hell, what perfect timing for me to watch that. Not the wedding thing, but the best friend thing. Tears!

This morning I was hungry as soon as I awoke. Curreal breakfast:

Spoonfuls, half a naner, raspberries and coconut "beverage."

I’m obviously still out of it. I’m hoping that I get to talk to Muffin today and clear things up. I’m really sorry for being a downer, but I’m sure you understand. Also, I totally don’t mean to sound dramatic if I have! Lo siento!

Dollface, I am so feelin the pain of your sitch. Although I’m seriously lacking in the friendship department as of late, I can only provide you with what my gut’s tellin me. From someone who has seen/followed just a little blog window of yours and muffs friendship, I just know its everlasting. I’m always so envious of the killer gal-bond you two have (I tend to befriend guys, grew up with dad and two older brothers aka zero estrogen) but there is so something special about the friendship between girls like you two that is powerful beyond belief. I think this whole little mishap can only make your relationship stronger. I always try to remind myself that the toughest things in life are often worth so much more in the end. Instead of a setback, i bet this turns out to make your friendship that much tighter (if thatz possible, haha). I have so much faith in you, sister. I think if you have faith in yourself and your friendship-confrontation need not be the answer. Conversation, maybe. Best had sans the alcohol, maybe over a hangover curing pumpkin soy latte? Wish you the best, love
MA

I’m like you and hate confrontation. Luckily, your family was there to pick you up. Unfortunately I had a big blow out with my mom and sister this weekend and I am there with you. I’m not ready to confront and hopefully make up. It’s hurtful but your relationship will be strong enough to survive. Hugs and good luck! Just be honest…

I hate confrontation too and never dealt with it well with my family or friends growing up. My husband and I hate to fight or be mad at each other though, so we try to get it out when we’re upset at each other. Talk about it, resolve it, apologize, forgive, and move on.

I don’t know what precipitated your fight with Muffin… if it was just a misunderstanding or careless words, I hope you do what you got to do to keep the friendship going. As you get older and you become “Mom Kailey” or “Career Kailey”, you will need those friends who knew you back when you were “College Kailey.”

I am just like you when it comes to confrontation. I have lost a LOT of friends because of this. Things happen and instead of dealing with it, I run. Of course in any relationship there are ups and downs, it’s normal. But I freak out and go into my shell of avoidance. I regret not just saying “Hey I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry.” at many times in my life. I’m sure you and Muffin will get through it all as you said, but I think you are onto something. This is an opportunity for you to reflect on yourself and your relationships and let them grow and build.

i understand you 100 percent. Friendships are hard. Especially when you are so close with someone it is easy to blow up at them–its cause we love them so much. We tend to hurt the ones we love. I have been in your shoes, but in my case, the friend I yelled at, really wasnt a great friend at all in the end. I know Muffin tho, is the peanut butter to your jelly…the ketchup to your mustard…the trader to your joe 😉 just tell her why you reacted the way you did, apologize and move forward, not looking back on it. She will understand. She is hurt too right now probably, but your kinship is way more important than some argument at a bar. Dont let it bring you down. Go for a nice long walk and clear your head. Also, it was such a blessing to go home this weekend. Being at school would have been more harmful I think. A break from everything allowed you to reflect….p.s. New York City…girl, I i will be seeing you there. I want to go for a weeks visit in december 🙂

Oh, hon. I’m sure you two will work things out. I think there comes a point in every relationship when you become so close and so comfortable that you stop hiding even the ugly parts of yourself from the other person, and that’s when you need to take a step back and realize that even though your “partner in crime” feel like someone you can always be yourself with, maybe that “self” isn’t someone you should share with ANYONE. I speak from experience. My poor husband. It will all be okay, hon.

oh i am sorry – fights with friends are the WORST. however, the best part about friends is that even though you can fight, you WILL be okay. i am the worst at confrontation too, but i have realized the best thing to do is take a deep breath, suck it up and make the call. people that truly love you will be there for you even in your worst moments – thats why we keep our friends and family close.

I have a bad habit of avoiding confrontation, which I’ve come to realize is quite detrimental. I hope everything works out for you between you and your bf! Nothing is worse than that, I’m sure you know.

I want to thank you for always being so REAL! I really, really love reading your blog to brighten my day & laugh 🙂 *hugs* from afar!

I have a bad habit of just blurting my feelings out. I am strongly emotional and they are usually so strong that I CANNOT keep them in. But thankfully those I have close relationships with know this, and we are able to talk about things later once everything has settled.

Hugs. I feel your pain. My bff and I had a blow up in May and since we both hate confrontation, we have avoided each other since. I hate it. She knows me better than anyone on the face of the earth and I MISS HER. I know it’s hard, but MAKE THAT CALL! You don’t want to be six months down the road, wishing you had stomped your pride and done it before it was too late.

Last year, I had a huge, huge, HUGE falling out with my best friend since elementary school, the girl that was closer to me than my own flesh and blood sister.

I was extremely hurt and stupidly let my pride overrule my feelings, and thus I rejected her apologies. The last year of highschool was spent with this horrible tension between us that made everyone in the room uncomfortable.

During summer break, I heard that she was leaving the province for school, and I thought it would be a nice gesture to go out for coffee. I didn’t think it’d be possible to mend the rift between us, but I needed closure.

Well, the 30 minute convo I had planned turned out to be 3 hours, and after those long tearful hours, we both realized (outloud… I think we both knew deep inside) how stupid we had behaved.

The sad thing is, if I had just confronted the situation instead of trying to ignore it, I would have had a great senior year, and the friendship wouldn’t have the cracks that it does now.

Girl, I feel you. When it comes to confronting my best friends, I just can’t do it. It never goes the way it should and it’s just not as easy as calling out some random D-bag. This is your Muffin, and you know you can talk to her about anything. So while it may be uncomfortable, it is 100% necessary. Good luck, and I hope your week improves!

sorry to hear that you two got in a fight, I am sure everything will work out! I avoid confrontation too so I know exactly where you are coming from. Right now I really need to talk to my ex about our final quatre project where we were suppose to be going to south america for a month to tutor in under developed schools… but now that he just started dating a mutal friend (ouch!) i feel like we cant go anymore but he’s not saying anything!!!!

Its so surreal for you to have just written this, because me and my best friend are going through something a little similar. I hate confrontation to the max and i try to avoid it at all cost. I know that you and muffin are going to be just fine, sometimes little tiffs such as these only bring friends closer! If you make the call and finally get to call her, i know the second you two hear eachothers voices, things will unravel from there! You share such a great bond with one another i cannot foresee this being permanent. I probably would have gone home just like you did, because being with family at times such as these, is so comforting! I hope things turn out ok for you love, please let me know if i can do anything! Best of luck girl! 🙂 Keep on smiling!

fights with friends are hard. im not one for confrontation either. I know you two are ridiculously close and you will get past this. True friends forgive and forget. You both will be fine 🙂 I’m like you, i Love my girlfriends more than life, but sometimes you fight, then you get over it. you will be back to your crime fighting ways in no time. love you girl, keep your head up. it will all clear out soon 🙂

So sorry you fought with muffin – falling out with best friends is the absolute worst. Most of us have been there and it sucks – change is hard to take. But you will make it happen. I am still best friends with the beautiful little love muffin I was best friends with age 12 and we have always been this way. Even now that I live in the big old USA and she is still in England. You guys will be fine…hang in there sweet pea.

Also – MAJOR CONGRATS on the magazine internship! Wowzers, Making the dream happen! So happy for you and excited to witness your 6 weeks in NYC! xx

mi amor! i’m sorry to hear about tus problemos con la BFF… i think you got it right when you used the word “weird.” friend fights–especially ones with close friends–always throw me off and definitely give me a very weird, what-do-i-do-now vibe. i think your decision to go home was the right one if it brought you some clarity–especially a little self-reflection. i think the whole confrontation thing will come a whole lot easier because of it. if you need anythang, estoy aqui!! (i’m here haha–i forget, sometimes, that you don’t speak espanol)

Kailey, you’re so lucky you’ve got your family there for you! MamaJ rang at just the right time, eh! Well you said things are changing between you and Muffin but things can’t change or progress without you feeling knots in your stomach until you sort ’em out…. ie confront. Confrontation is only bad when you’re anticipating what will happen. As soon as you talk face to face, it’ll all melt away and that is when you’ll truly see the direction of your friendship. At least you two have had years of a GREAT solid friendship to treasure!

Wow what a weekend you’ve had. I recently posed the question on my blog about breaking up with friends who’ve you’ve lost things in common with or when one person changes/moves in another direction. Every single person that wrote in said yes, they had BTDT. Some were there break up’ers, others the break up’ eees.

I have 0 friends in my real life right now. Moved to a new city 8 weeks ago and know no one. It’s me and my hubs and daughter so needless to say, your family is all you “need” but it’s nice to have meaningful friendships and I hope you can talk w/ her and if it doesnt work out, it’s ok to move on. Everyone grows, sometimes not always on the same path at the same time in life.

Aww, I’m sorry to hear that love! Fighting with a friend always sucks, but I feel like just as with any other relationship, it only makes you stronger. It sounds like you really want to resolve the situation, so hopefully everything will work out! Coconut curry tofu is my go-to order at PF Chang’s too 🙂 Have a good day and hang in there! xo

hope things will turn out ok between you and muffin. but if it doesn’t it will be fine too (even if it sucks and hurts.. it will be fine eventually). you just have to figure out what’s best for you two. there’s nothing worse than a fight with a person you love. i lost some really good friends in the past and it was horrible and i felt so guilty but i now think that it’s meant to be that way. but still.. who likes losing friends?

i generally like discussions. i think that it’s unwise to ignore talking about “the bad stuff” because it sums up eventually and then there’s a huge bomb and you have no idea how everything became so messed up. BUT i don’t like fights. they’re nasty and people often say things that they later regret.
confrontations aren’t easy but that’s how life is.. :(.

Oh honey! I completely feel your situation. Nothing is worse than being on the outs with a best friend. Nothing. It’s different than a romantic love fight, because friendships more often than not run a hundred thousand times deeper than that and they are complex on so many levels. I hope things clear up soon 🙂

Oh girl I know how that awful fighting with a friend can feel, especially your bestest which can feel like a whole relationship in itself! My best friend and I have been on rocky ground all semester in regards to her boyfriend and our lack of time to hang out. We finally saw each other this past Saturday for about two hours and had a wonderful time, even though just a week ago we were texting/saying horrible things to each other. Sometimes we don’t take care of our friendships and then we end up resenting and blow up when it may not be necessary (or um maybe that’s just me? lol)–it’s important to TALK about things (I struggle with this because I am the kind of person who needs to talk about things when I’m upset –or just anytime and my bff is the complete opposite). Anyways, I know you and Muffin will make up because you have a pretty awesome friendship and you know you are always there for each other when the chips fall. *big hug*

oh honey babe…I’m sorry you’re going through this upset with Muffin…situations like this are hard and i’m still trying to figure out what to do about my breakup and the confrontation that’s still waiting to take place over a month later…

i’m right there with ya hun…let me know if you need anything…always here for ya (we can exchange digits too and become texting buddies!! fb or email it to me. ❤ you)

Oh, honey – I am so sorry to hear about your spat with Muffin….but y’all are SOULMATES and have such an incredibly special relationship – I have no doubt you’ll be able to figure everything out and settle things. All my love to you preshie and please if you want to chat more fbook/textie (’cause you got my # now.. hollaaaa)/email/call me – I promise I’ll keep all your secrets 🙂

So sweet of momma to come whisk u away for the weekend 🙂 I don’t think you should think of it at all as “running away”, but def a chance to be alone with your thoughts and re-assess, spend time with family and loved ones and away from college craziness. I hope your home time helped a lot and good luck with the sitch!!! xoxoo we are here for you lovie pie!

I hate confrontation, too! My bestie (Chili Pepper) and I didn’t speak for more than a month (even though we were roommates) because I thought she was mad at me and she thought I was mad at her. We both ranted and raved at our boyfriends about why the other one wasn’t speaking to us and then we finally worked it out on facebook and then in person. I hate fights so I was glad we worked it out…just love and trust and go be honest with her…a bestie always understands and forgives! Best wishes…breathe and love!

I love this post, not because I love that you’re hurting, but because it is one of the realest things I’ve read in a while. I totally understand the feeling–that waking up feeling that just makes you sick with sadness. I had these blow outs with my best friend in college. Senior year is so hard. Things are changing, and it is very stressful to think about how things will change and whether or not the closest person to you in the world will change with you. It causes fights–at least it did for me. Personally, I didn’t even know I was capable of acting the way I did in some of those fights–yelling, and being all-around hysterical. But emotions run very strong at that time in life, I think.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for posting because it really helps to know that others go through the same hard, hard, hard times. I appreciate your honesty.

I hope things work out with you & Muffin. I know the situation, and it sucks 😦 But at least you’re not being stubborn..that was always my problem (and that I hate confrontation) Don’t let it get the best of your great friendship!

I think this might be my first comment to you but I’ve been following for a few weeks, and I have to say I’m really jealous of the bond between you two. I used to have that with my roommate, but we let boys come between us and it hasn’t been the same since. Good luck girl! xo

Oh honey bun, I’m so sorry things went downhill 😦 I hope everything gets better for you. Stay positive. Stay strong. Blogworld is all here for you!! Confrontation is a hard thing for me to deal with and I usually try and avoid it. If it does come up though, I usually do stand my ground – I’m stubborn!

I used to be pretty non-confrontational. But, for some reason I have changed my ways during the past 2 years. ( maybe becoming a baby mama?) Now, I like to take care of the matter at hand ASAP. That way, good or bad, I don’t have questions looming above my head

First, just wanted to tell you I’m a regular reader of your blog and absolutely adore it. You sound like such an amazing chica and I love your eats (um, balls anyone??)

Second, I’m so glad you wrote this entry because I just had my first huge mishap with my best friend this past weekend and am just torn up over it. We talked and promised everything was ok, but I know there’s still some tension there that I’m worried won’t go away any time soon.

It hurts, but like all the readers above say, the truest friends are those that will stand by you through all the crap. I wish you and Muffin the best – you two remind me of me and mine.

Ella – Aww hon, than you so much for reading and for the super sweet compliments. I am so sorry to hear about your first mishap with your friend! They SUCK. That being said, you know that little tension you still feel? That goes away. Give it a week or so, and I swear you’ll be back to normal. Things need to heal, both within yourselves and in the relationship. It just takes a little time 😉 xoxo

First of all let’s talk about the living situation in New York. I have a friend who sells real estate there in Manhattan and can make a call so text me at 519-575-5757. I’ll do it this morning but I need to hear from you before I place the call
and Muffin? Well the first step is someone needs to make a call and the other one needs ro answer the phone. And then ……things will fall into place

Awww, I’m sad for you! Don’t worry, it sounds like you more than have the insight and communication skills to put everything at right when you’re ready. There is nothing like family time. Your posts always make me miss my mom! Extra xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo’S

Muffin loves you, and all will work out. I can’t even express how much I sympathize with you. Such a hard situation to be in. I’m pulling for you guys! Confrontations suck! However, I think you guys will talk things out and you’ll feel so much better afterwards. Stay strong! It takes courage to admit your mistakes. There aren’t that many genuine people out there, so anyone that can appreciate you as a person, love you unconditionally, and support you through thick and thin are worth having in your life. Hang in there girlie!!!

I’m bad at confrontation, too, though I know it would be necessary. Most often, my friends and I try to go on as if nothing had happened but in the long run, serious problems always find their way back to the surface. One of my friendships has even been ruined due to this extrusion-tactic.

Hey girl!
first off, I love reading your blog– I think you have a lot of brilliant insight to offer. Secondly, you should be proud of yourself for identifying a situation in which you may have made a mistake but willing to fix. If she really is your best friend, all will be forgiven and forgotten. In my opinion, the best way to go about the situation is to be open, honest, non judgmental and non-defensive. Just be your fabulous self.

Rebecca – Aww thanks so much for reading and combining the words “brilliant” and “insight” in relation to me. That’s just crazy! Like you mentioned, I apologized and explained to Muffin my wrongdoings and things are back to normal now. It’s all in the communication! Thanks so much for the support!

I bet by now you and muff are back to your old selves! I’m hoping. As everyone has said-we all envy the bond you and muffin share, so hold onto that!! Just talk it out, now that you are both calmer…and go from there! Its almost impossible NOT to have a blowout with a best friend, but those fights always teach us SOMETHING, somehow!!

Oh man. I’m so sorry to hear about the fight! In the scope of things, I’m sure you both will get through it. I’m not very good at confrontation, but I think I’ve gotten better. Not that it’s a good thing, but I used to never tell people what was bothering me. I never fought with my friends at home. But I don’t think a relationship is REAL if there aren’t occasional fights. Now that I’m at school, I don’t hesitate as much to bring up a problem with one of my roommates. If we aren’t honest with each other, it’ll only build up to be one extreme fight. I’d rather get through the little arguments and problems one at a time.

Good luck with everything!! Your eats are looking GORGEOUS as usual. I love how much variety you have in your meals. Super jealous of the tofu curry. It looks amazing!

i haaaate hate hate confrontation. i just avoid it whenever possible and if it stares me in the fac, i just get flustered, upset, probably cry, and later think about all of the awesome things i *could* have said
hang in there my friend!
halloween looks like it was a blasty 😀
xoxo

oh boo! i am sorry about your blow out. sometimes they happen to the best of friends. i am sure things will all clear up though, you guys are soul sistas. at least you have been eating well and dancing on booths!! i love you honey pie!

im like eight million comments behind (although i have been reading every post, i havent commented at all)…

a) congrats on the winter j-o-bizzle
b) cant wait to hang in nyc soooooon
c) im soo sorry about your fight with muffin, but you guys are so tight, im not the least bit worried. best friends can have moments of conflict, too, and its 100% ok to vent on the blog, shoot homes, im sure i go off about my patients way more than i should (or people care about).
d) i heartchu and i know all will be well soon
e) enjoy time at home with the fam and TJs goodies