Stop freaking out. I know you saw the title of this post and you may be jumping to conclusions. Please, just breath and stick with me for a few minutes.

The other day on the radio, there was a woman who wrote into the station about a problem she was having. She was hoping to get an answer to a situation she was in. And I could relate.

She was out one night with some of her girlfriends. All of them had kids of their own. After a few drinks, the woman who wrote in opened up to her friends. She told them that she regretting having her kids. Needless to say, her "friends" barely talk to her now and one won't even talk to her at all. She wanted to know if she should apologize to her friends for what she said. She ended the letter to the station with, "I love my kids to death. I wouldn't change having them at all."

First, let me give you my response.

Hell no you don't have apologize! You were being honest. Never apologize for speaking the truth. You're "friends" are being stupid. There is no reason for them to not talk to you over that. They should've realized that while you may have meant what you said in the moment, that it's not a constant feeling and should have reached out to you to make she you are okay. Bitches be cray!

The station took calls from people giving their opinion on the situation. A woman called in who was irate. She could not fathom how any mother could say that. Ever. She believed that if any mother EVER felt that way about her kids, she shouldn't have them. Give the kids to a family who actually WANTS them. She said that the woman should have never become a mother.

My response to that caller. SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Just because you are the self proclaimed World's Best Mother doesn't mean you get to make that decision for other women. It's because of people like you that the world is a bit darker. You don't have to push your beliefs and ideals onto other people. Poo on you.

Here's my story...

I regret having my kids. Not in the way you would think though. I don't know any mother who, after an extremely rough and stressful day, has sat in a chair and thought to herself, "What. The. Hell. I must have been crazy to think this would be fun." If you tell you have never had at least a half second of regret about your kids in their lives, you are a liar. Or an alien. One of the two.

i love my kids. They are my world. Seeing Skylar poke her head up in the morning when I get her up or seeing her butt wiggle when she crawls across the floor makes me giggle. When Chase gives me goodnight kisses and hearing him laugh fills my heart with love. I wouldn't change a thing about them.

But, I regret them.

I regret that they came so soon. I didn't get to be a "newlywed." I jumped from being a mother, to a wife, to a mother again. I didn't get a chance to be just a wife. I wasn't ready for them at the time. They were both surprises, and boy did they take me by surprise. I didn't get a chance to prepare to be a mother. I just all of a sudden was one.

I didn't get a chance to finish growing up I feel like. I just all of a sudden was. And it's hard sometimes. It's hard to think about what I missed out on and the experiences that I have to wait another 20 years to have.

Does that mean I don't love my kids? Does it mean that I don't want my kids? Of course not. It means that I am human. It means I have flaws. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. It becomes a problem when that's the only thing you feel towards your kids. Fleeting thoughts or a horrific day that triggers that feeling is normal. You don't have to keep that to yourself either.

You should be able to be honest with your friends. Those "friends" that ditched the woman who wrote into the radio station were not her friends at all. If you can't be completely honest with those who are close to you, they aren't that close. Any normal mother will understand how you are feeling and that you are just asking for a bit of help.

You are not messed up, weird, or a bad mother for thinking that way. Let me make that perfectly clear. If you feel that way constantly, then yes, you need to talk to a professional. But a fleeting though after a day of accidents, screaming, temper-tantrums, no naps, and laundry as far as the eye can see? Yeah, you're good.

People can be so brash and quick to judge. If they were good friends they would have listened and helped her flush out what is so challenging for her... and maybe even arrange to have more mom-outings because it sounds like this is what this mom needs more of.

I am not a mom yet, but I think you are completely right with your view on this! I have been a nanny for many years, and I have many days where I am so glad to not have kids of my own yet! It has made me realize the huge responsibility and changes to your life that kids bring. Because of this, I am planning to wait a few more years to have kids. While I want to have kids someday, I want to take advantage of this time and do the things I want to do first. I want to have as few regrets as possible!

Thanks for sharing this with Hump Day Happenings.

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Maniac Mom

1/13/2015 04:17:01 am

Both of my kids were unplanned. We were planning on waiting a few years after we got married. But our kids were persistent. LOL.

There are some benefits of having kids sooner, though. But everyone is different. I love my kids. Don't love the timing so much.

Parenting is a huge and (mostly) rewarding responsibility/job. Some days I'm filled with love and joy, and some days I'm just barely holding on. But, Moms should help one another, not judge. Then maybe we'd all be happier! Loving that you made this point - good for you!! Julia

BTW, thank you for sharing on Merry Monday!

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Maniac Mom

1/13/2015 04:25:08 am

I am a firm believer that if moms quite criticizing and cutting down other moms, the world would be a better place for everyone in the world.

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Maniac Mom

My name is Kristen and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. This is my hysterical journey as a mom of two dealing with life twists and turns while trying to not let my "crazy" get too out of hand. I strive to be a happily depressed mom.Grab a cup of coffee or a shot of vodka and bask in the mania!